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Today's Mammary Lane special was over around 11:00am. There was no Wrap Up Show today.
Today's Mammary Lane was over around 11:15am.
Jon played a ''What You Need to Know'' about today's Mammary Lane. Jon said they don't have a poll up today but Rahsaan wanted to put out a question anyway. He was wondering if anyone would take a paintball to the ass for $5,000. Jillian said she probably would. Jon said they thing they're not talking about is the glee Christine had shooting Sal over and over. Jon said they have all weathered their relationship and they have come through it. He said at the time it was very volatile though. He said Jillian knows there are two sides to the story. He said some people are just meant for each other and Sal and Christine are meant for each other. Jillian said she used to love when Sal called in as the stockbroker. She said that he is that guy and if he's providing for his wife then you should appreciate them more. She said she knows what it's like to come home from work and be forced to do more. She said that his wife knows she has the power and she just laughs it off. He said it's making Sal mental. Jillian said she thinks that Sal loves her though. He said he's not sure how much of this he brings home though.
Jon said the thing that Christine was saying to Sal is that he doesn't pay attention to her. He said that she should know what she signed up for but she should say to Sal that she needs him. Jon said that the emotional friend came about because of that. Jillian said when she was married she didn't have any dude friends who thought she could get in her pants. She said she had gay friends but not guys like that. Jillian said she feels like Sal is a big kid and he feels threatened by her because she wears the pants. She said that she's always been the man in the relationship herself so she doesn't know what that's like. Jon said he thinks she dos wear the pants in that family and he thinks Sal knows that. Jon said they have a weird dynamic and they never had that conversation they should have. He said it's amazing what a paintball gun can do for a relationship.
Jillian said you marry someone for who they are and not for what they do. She said Sal is doing his dream job. She said that he's on the greatest show on radio. Jillian said she's glad they're stronger now but she sensed that she had glee and joy doing that paintball thing.
Jon asked Jillian if she thinks Christine wears the pants in the family because she wants to or because she has to. Jillian said maybe a little bit of both. She said she feels like she could be in a position where she is comfortable. She said maybe she wants to be in charge. Jillian said she was afraid of her when she heard the tape of her screaming at Sal about taking the pictures. Jon said it's a crazy relationship. They had to go to break after that.
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Jon took a call from a guy who said he's curious to know about Jillian leaving FOX and if she's going to be doing this show more. Jillian said she loves coming in and doing it. She said she'll be there whenever they need her. She said she loves it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he likes Jillian where she talks about how she's a ''broad'' in a clip they play. Jillian said that was on the Sean Hannity show that she did that. The caller asked if they have ever been hit with a paintball before. Jon said he has. He said he was in one of those games. Jillian said she has not. The caller said he laughs so hard at that segment with Sal because he went to play paintball and he got hit in the Adam's apple. He said that he had to crawl back because he was in so much pain. He said he can only imagine what getting hit in the ass was like. He said getting hit in the same spot more than once is amazing. He said that it's not a machine of accuracy. He said she was gunning for his ass. Jon said she was so focused and she wanted to inflict pain on Sal. Jon said just imagine your wife doing that and having such glee. The caller said he could see her grin through the radio.
Jon moved on to talk about the Carol Miller interview. Jon said she had Whooping Cough and Gary got destroyed over that. Jon said you can understand where Howard was coming from with that. Jillian said she remembers that show and how they had someone at FOX who had it. She said that she ended up going home from work early because she was pregnant at the time. She said the thing that surprised her was that Gary took it so personally. She said he was so upset about that. Jillian said it turned into this big thing with Howard's mother and all of that. She said that Gary was all upset with Howard and Robin. She said that she loves where those shows go.
Jon said in the morning and throughout the show they are in the studio with Howard. He said if you have a runny nose or a cough then you're crazy to go in the studio. He said Howard will think you're going to get him sick. Jillian said the thing that surprised her was how Gary took it. Jon said that Howard said Gary wasn't his friend. He said that hit home with Gary. He said that after all of those years with Howard he was going to hold it against him for bringing in someone who was getting over Whooping Cough. Jon said sometimes Howard overreacts to things like that. He said in this case he had every right to be upset.
Jon took a call from a woman who asked if they remember how that whole week played out because they were making fun of Gary's internet show. She said there's a clip on YouTube that's all about Gary getting a beat down that week. She said that the amount of time Gary has been with Howard she can't believe Gary let her in at all. Jon said he can't answer that. He said sometimes after a week of getting beat up like that it may not click. Jon said the audience loves it but he felt for Gary. He said he was screwed in so many ways over that.
Jillian asked how it is after the show is over on a day like that. Jon said no one makes eye contact with Gary after that. He said he's pissed and looking for a way to vent. Jon said that day Gary came in and it was business as usual with Gary and Howard. He said eventually it will bubble over. He said it's usually Robin who will bring it up and make it bubble over. Jillian said that she's the best at that. She said Robin will back Howard up and Howard will say that she has his back and Gary doesn't. Jon said that ended up being a disaster they ended up loving. They had to take another break after that.
Jon said he wanted to talk about Hanzi. Jon said this wasn't his first call but it was one where he revealed that he lived in his mom's basement. Jon said that he spoke about how women take advantage of him and how he has a lot of depression. Jon said that's 2007 and he's noticeably more calm. Jillian said he had a sense of humor back then too. She said that he was laughing and Artie was trying to help with his comedy. He said that he was easy to understand back then. She said she found it interesting that he was so open and honest too. She said she liked how he was talking about how he wanted to be a cashier at a supermarket and all of that. She said now he's much more wound up and confrontational. She said she really likes Hanzi but she thinks he hates her. She said she's not even sure why. She said she loves his calls and even when he's sleeping and snoring it's great.
Jon took a call from a guy who had a Canadian accent so Jillian picked right up on that. The caller said he's new to Sirius so he didn't get to listen until 2012 or so. He said Hanzi has gotten worse from what he's heard. He said they've said what he wanted to say when he called in. He said he loved the stuff they were talking about and he hates to laugh at it but he thinks he's laughing more at Howard than laughing at Hanzi.
Jillian said that if it weren't for Howard Stern there are so many Wack Packers who would be sitting in their basements not talking to anyone. She said Howard has given them an outlet and there is something to be said about that for their own self esteem. Jillian said that people say that Howard is exploiting them but she thinks that he's given them an outlet and it does nothing but good. Jon said he agrees. He said that he realized that the Hanzi segment was 2007 and they're now in May or 2015 and Hanzi is still in the basement and still frustrated. He said he's wondering if they're hearing 8 years of pent up frustration in him.
Jillian asked if he's diagnosed with being paranoid schizophrenic. Jon said he thinks that could be the case. He said that people like to hear him get riled up too. He said he can be calm and he's spoken to him that way.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he wanted to make a point about how he doesn't find it entertaining when Howard busts on Gary. He said he loves many things about Howard but he doesn't get that whole thing. Jon asked why that is. The caller said he tries to tell himself that he's doing it for the show but he thinks he has a bit of a cruel streak. Jon said it's not just for the sake of the show. He said he thinks that Howard is doing some of it for the show but there's also truth behind it. He said Howard was pissed about him letting someone with Whooping Cough in the studio. He said Gary has thick skin and he's willing to come back after a beat down like that. The caller said Robin piling on makes it even worse. Jillian said that Gary used to be the whipping boy for so long and you wonder if he's ever going to earn it and get past that. Jillian said that Robin, Fred, Gary and Howard are the show. She said if you take one out then it's a problem. She said that Beth whole Whooping Cough thing was a mistake.
Jon got in a plug for today's Sternthology and gave Jillian some plugs for her show on KABC and things like that. Jillian said she'll be back on Friday too. They ended the show around Noon.
Today's Mammary Lane was over around 11:05am.
Jon played a ''What You Need to Know'' about today's show. He said they have a poll up today and went to Rahsaan for the details. Rahsaan said they're asking ''Which Staffer's Behavior was Most Bizarre from Today's Mammary Lane?''
Jon asked Jen what her choice was in the poll. Jen said she thinks Howard leaving the dinner party early was ridiculous. She said she would probably do the same thing though. Jon said it's very rare for them to get together for dinner. He said that Gary put it out there and went around looking for stuff for Howard to goof on and made sure it wasn't out. Jon said he was invited too but he didn't go. He said he thinks he went to something for his daughter. He said he would have loved to have gone and seen this though. Jon said if dinner is supposed to be at 7 then Howard expects it to happen at 7. Jon said if Howard went to the dinner now he thinks he would wait until dessert is served. He said he thinks Howard has mellowed out and changed when it comes to that. Jon said he thinks he would have dealt with it now.
Jen said she thinks that she agrees with Howard about the timing of the dinner. She said if they tell you one thing then you expect it to happen. Jon said it's not going to be a quick dinner if he has a master chef there. Jen said she loves a long dinner but if you're stuck talking to someone you don't like then it can be boring. She said that people think you're having fun but meanwhile you're giving signals under the table to get out of there. Jon said he likes a buffet style dinner so you can move and sit somewhere else. Jen said that she likes texting and coming up with seating where you can block out some people and sit with the people you want to.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Gary goes through this with Howard all the time and he's not sure why he would change things when Artie is coming late. He said that you just start the party. The caller asked if Jon would do that for his guests. Jen said that Artie would be fine if they had started without him. Jon said the caller is probably right. He said that Howard is the boss. He said that you do want to give a little bit of a cushion though. The caller said it was Artie and you know he's going to be late. Jon said he wasn't the most punctual person at the time so that's a fair point.
Jon said that even Robin was giving Howard a hard time about when he left. The caller said that's who Howard is. He said you can't give him a hard time about it. The caller said he goes to a party and he wants it to be on time too. He said that people have lives and they want things planned out. They went to dinner a short time later.
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Jon said he agrees with the caller but he thinks the Howard of today would have sucked it up. The caller said Howard has come a long way since then. He said that he agrees with him. Jen wondered if there would be another dinner party like that. Jon said he doesn't think so. He said he thinks it would be at a restaurant this time.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he's from the south and they get slammed for being uneducated but Howard's manners are atrocious. He said even the gift giving around Christmas. He said Howard has really atrocious manners. Jon asked if putting a holiday gift in a wood chipper is bad manners. He said they do that for the air. He said the dinner might be different but his manners are up for discussion.
Jen said she thinks that some of what they do is for shtick. She said that Howard knows there will be something for the air. She said she thinks Howard has to preserve his voice and she can see why he would want to leave early.
Jon said that he wants to talk about the engagement chicken. He said Beth was unaware that's what it was called. Jon said that she still served it to Howard and it worked. Jon asked what Jen thought about that. Jen said she remembers hearing it in Robin's voice that she didn't really want Howard to leave her again if he got engaged again. Jon said he didn't hear it that way but there is something in there and Robin did stick it to Howard. He said Robin knows where to hit him where it hurts. Jon said Robin was really enjoying herself. She seemed to be wondering if he was going to go down that road.
Jon said Howard was very frustrated and he ended up getting engaged a few years down the road. Jen said that everyone changes over the years but the worst thing you can do is tell someone what you think you're never going to do. Jon said Howard ended up getting married after saying he never would again. He said that he's very happy now but no one will let him forget what he said in the past. Jen said that Beth also knew that it was called engagement chicken. She said it worked too.
Jon took a call from a guy who said if you listen back to the clip it's like Howard sounded like Joan Rivers complaining about a dinner party.
Jon said a caller said that Gary should know better but he thinks Gary holds out hope that he's going to impress Howard. He said Howard isn't going to let anything go and he's going to harp on it on the air if he finds something to do that with. They went to break a short time later.
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Jon took a call from a guy who said he was listening to the Jim Carrey interview from 1994 and Howard seemed to be doing a jokey kind of interview. He asked if he goes back and listens and cringes. Jon said he thinks Howard does feel that way but he probably isn't going back and listening. Jon said Howard was doing a different kind of show back then. He said he was more out there and more selfish and annoying. He said that Jim came in this year and it was a different kind of interview. He said Howard would probably want to do a different type of interview now. Jen said Howard talked about how he wanted to have Robin Williams back in to do a different kind of interview. Jon said that things were much different back in 1994 since he was on terrestrial radio.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they can get Jen to sit in on the news. Jen said that she was banned from the news for spilling something on the console and she'll never be allowed in there. The caller was a friend of Jen's from high school so they spent a minute talking about that.
Jon said he wanted to talk about Fred bringing pictures of his dog on the road. Jon said that it can be risky talking about Fred on the show because he'll shoot back with a cannon. Jen said that it is strange to take pictures on the road with you but not just a dog but with anyone. She said that the dog is very strange though. Jon said that he wanted to make the hotel room much more homey. Jen said she's not sure how a picture of a dog is homey. Jon said that Fred is one of the guys on the show who has changed a lot. He said there are others who may not have changed so much. He said JD has a girlfriend now. Jen said that in her single moments she thinks about how even JD is with someone. Jon asked if that makes it worse for her. Jen said she has found some special people but she thinks it's easier for guys to find that. Jen said that she doesn't think men care what you do for a living like women do.
Jon asked if Ronnie and Sal have changed a lot. Jen said that Ronnie will never change. She said that Sal may want to be introspective but he's looking way too outside of everything. She said she just wants him to take an adult education class so he can educate himself with geography. Jon said Sal has 3 kids and he's learning through them. He said he doesn't retain any of that information though. Jon said that you want to knock Sal but he's a great dad. He said he will praise him for that.
Jon said they have to get the results of the poll. Rahsaan said that 32 percent voted that Richard masturbating to the Shaft Man tape was weird. Jon said he agrees with that one. He said Richard is pleasuring himself to a guy named Shaft Man. Jen said that it takes you back to a time when his homo eroticism is coming out. She said she thinks that Richard has had some obsession with men. Jon said that Richard is in his toy box with that stuff. Jon wrapped up and mentioned today's Sternthology and gave Jen some plugs for her Netflix special ''I'm gonna die alone and I feel fine'' is streaming now. He said she'll be back tomorrow as well. They were done around 11:50am.
Today's show was over around 11:00am.
Jon and Jen talked about Gary and how he does a lot right even if he has made some mistakes. Jon said Gary gets more and more of a backbone as time goes on. He said during the K-rock years he challenged Howard to piss him off and Howard did that immediately. He said that Gary has more job security in his head and he is sticking up for himself. Jen said he probably has a savings that he's saved up over the years.
Jon said that they all serve Howard Stern there and even if he's wrong he's in the right because it's his show. He said that's tough to fight. He said Howard knows the audience loves laughing at Gary when he screwed up to.
Jon said that they had the Whooping Cough segment today. He said Howard told Gary he can turn away guests in those instances. He said Howard told Gary that he could have done that. Jen said he could have figured out a way to make a bit out of it. Jon said Gary is damned if he does and damned if he doesn't. He said they had to take a break after that.
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Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks they missed on the poll. He said he thinks that the biggest blunder was when he had the guy from Beavis and Butt-Head record answering machine messages. Jon said that was a long time ago. He said Mike Judge was in and he had him recording answering machine messages. He said Gary learned a lesson that day but it would have been fair to include in that list.
Jon took a call from a guy who said the new format of the show is great. He asked if Howard is ever going to have Rush in. Jon said he's pushing for them to be on. He said it's not all on Howard. He said they do late shows and they'd have to get up early. Jon said he's trying to get something done but if it gets done or not remains to be seen. Jen sang a little bit of a Rush song for Jon.
Jon took a call from a guy who said the less Rush the better. Jon said this guy is from Canada so that's sacrilege there. The caller asked about the music that plays between things on the show but they never really play any punk rock stuff. He asked who programs that stuff. Jon said that's Fred who plays the music during the Howard Stern Show. He said that the Ramones have been on in the past but not much in the recent past. Jen said it starts and stops with The Ramones. Jon said that they do play some bands on the Wrap Up Show that aren't heard otherwise.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he's been listening to Mammary Lane all week but what's Jon's favorite moment of all time. Jon said Sal's apology is his favorite. He said that is the moment. He said it was the time they pulled the prank on him about the ''white women'' speech. Jen said she loves it when he was crying when Howard fooled him about retiring. The caller said his favorite moment was when Howard made JD come in and say ''Howard you're a sucker.'' Jon said that was Richard and Sal actually. He said maybe JD did have to do that though. Jon said there are endless great moments on the show.
Jon moved on to talk about Big Foot and the mailman. He said that Big Foot was talking about his money making operation with the mailman and it was apparently all true. Jen said she doesn't get how you get paid to let someone blow you. She said that as someone who blows people she gets something in return. She said she's not sure how that worked with Big Foot. Jon said that he's got logic that just isn't there. Jen said it's a beautiful story actually. She likes that he's not homophobic. Jon said they had to take a break after that.
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Jon took a call from a guy who asked what Howard (he meant Gary) is like behind the scenes with screwing up and things like that. Jon said that Howard is very hands on behind the scenes. Jon said that Gary is 24/7 Howard Stern show. He said that is his identify. He said Gary is on the air too and there's a lot going on behind the scenes. He said they have a whole team of people working on stuff that Gary doesn't have to worry about so much. He said that Gary is on top of that stuff and he takes the brunt of it if something goes wrong. Jon said he wants to be liked too but he has to come down hard on people sometimes. He said it's tough for Gary sometimes.
Jen said she assumes that Gary doesn't even have time to call someone out about doing something wrong. She said that she imagines him as being a gentle boss. Jon said that Gary expects everyone to do their job and do it right too. He said that he expects Sal, Richard and JD to do their jobs without standing over their shoulder. Jen said that you don't ask everyone how to do things there. She said you just jump in and do it.
Jon said that if you try there then you'll get the job done. He said if you want something you have to go for it. Jen said she doesn't think people are told how to write thank you notes these days. She said Jon did that for her.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Howard mentioned that 60 percent of the drivers listen to his show. He said he doesn't hear about ratings or anything usually. He asked if there is a reason for that. Jon said they don't have any specific numbers. He said that they have over 20 million subscribers and he can say that more people listen to Howard's show than any morning shows put together. He said that they don't get ratings reports though. He said the truth is that they are subscription based so it doesn't matter what the ratings are. He said the subscriptions matter. He said that's why Howard doesn't have the numbers. He said he thinks that they know that this is the thing people want when they come to Sirius.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked who was the bigger thorn in Gary's side, Stuttering John or Sal. Jon said he can say it was John. He said that John was the guy who would break Gary's balls at any chance he could. He said that he was entertaining. He said Jackie might be number 2 and Sal number 3. Jen said that John and Jackie always seemed to want to move up and make more money but Sal seems happy where he's at. Jon said he thinks that Jen agrees that it was John. Jen said she does.
Jon took a call from a woman who asked about Jon's first day there. She asked what he did on his first day. Jon said it was surreal. He said he was thrown back in the bullpen and he was then a part of the show and it was incredible. Jon said then they did Wrap Up and they were off. He said he was treated great. He said Howard busted his balls and then he felt like he was part of the family. Jen asked if he went out and celebrated that night. Jon said he did not. The caller said she misses the show he did with Ralph and the time he told Ralph to fuck off. Jon said that was fun.
Jon got to the poll results and Rahsaan said that it was close. He said Bradley Cooper had 18 percent. 25 percent went to the Madonna's sister incident. 26 percent was the double booking of Jenny McCarthy and Jewel. The Whooping cough incident got 31 percent of the vote.
Jon got in some plugs for today's Sternthology and for Jon's Netflix special. They were done around 11:45am.
Jamie Foxx Visits. 09/25/07. 7:00am
After the break we heard some Riley Martin clips where he was going off on Howard about not paying him. We also heard a prank call that Big Foot made to a woman about her cat shitting in his yard. Howard came back a short time later and said that Jamie Foxx had just shown up. He figured that this was the first time that he'd been up to SIRIUS since they gave him a channel there.
Howard had the guys bring Jamie in and he asked Robin if she'd do him. She said wasn't really answering though. Howard asked Jamie if this is the first time he's been up there. Jamie said that it is but only because he's out in California. Jamie told Howard that he actually got kicked off the beach for doing his show out there. They have an office out there that they do the show from. He said they wanted to move out of the office and do the show from other places. They do the show 3 days a week for two hours each day.
Howard seemed surprised that he was doing shows that often. Jamie said that they kind of got promoted and got moved to another place out there. He's got his own channel, Foxx Hole 106, that he does his show on and has other people doing comedy stuff on there. They'll run any comedy they can on that channel. He said that people can get in their car and drive across the country and hear all kinds of different stuff.
Jamie said they got moved to this house out in Malibu but they got kicked out of there because they left the speakers on. He said they had this chick Super Head on the show and some old people heard what they were doing. He said he didn't know who this chick was at first and she certainly didn't look like ''Super Head.'' He said he didn't want to say that to her though. He said he'd met her out at a club and she wasn't doing the usual thing that women do with him. He said he knew something was wrong but he wasn't quite sure what it was.
Jamie said that he told the woman that she looked too good to be this Super Head chick but she gave him the smile like he was some super hero for recognizing her. He said she wrote about him in her book after that and said that nothing had happened. Then he had her on the radio show and she was probably the wrong guest to have on. Jamie said that they had some guests on the show and then this Super Head chick. He said that the radio show was actually great because they were talking about everything. He said that she's a down girl and she just flips it on you.
Jamie said he started asking Super Head about the guys she's done and she was naming everyone. He said she talked about Shaq and how small he is in the pants. He said she told them that he was like one of those gold door stops in a house.
Jamie said that Super Head was great on the show but there was a little old white lady walking by and she heard the foul things they were talking about on the air. That's what got them kicked out of the house there in Malibu. Howard said you can't be doing that in a residential neighborhood like that. Jamie said that Jeremy Piven showed up and had some fun with her on the air too.
Howard said that Jamie was dating Leila Arcieri who was on ''Son of the Beach'' and he was jealous of him for that. Jamie said that they were just friends and he wasn't banging her. He said that he ran into her at a John Kerry benefit one night and he told her that he asked her to go with him to the Academy Awards. He said that he didn't have anybody at the time and he already knew her as a friend. He said that the minute you hit it, it's over. Howard said he's not friends with girls so he doesn't know how that goes. Jamie said that they're still friends.
Jamie said that if you don't sleep with your pretty girlfriend, you will always have pretty girlfriends. He said that you have to remain honest in a relationship and tell the chicks how it really is.
Howard said that Jamie looks really muscular in this new movie of his so he wondered if he was doing something like juicing up. Jamie said he's not doing that at all, he's just exercising. Howard read that Jamie had glued his eyes shut for the movie Ray so he wouldn't be able to see. He said that he had his eyes really glued shut. He said he didn't want to cheat and actually see.
Howard talked to Jamie about his star power and using that to get chicks. Jamie said he did kind of use that Academy Award thing to get some chick's numbers. He said he just wanted to see whose numbers he could get with that.
Howard said he was surprised to find out that he's got a daughter. Jamie said that she's 13 years old and he took her to the Academy Awards with him. He said that he's really impressed with how smart she is. He said that there are a lot of nerds at the private school she goes to and he's not worried about them, he's worried about the guys who aren't nerdy.
Howard asked where this kid came from but Jamie didn't want to get into all of that. He said he wasn't looking to talk about the mother. Howard spent a minute talking to him about that and then asked him about getting the job on In Living Color. Jamie said that he had auditioned for the show back when he was doing stand-up comedy. They narrowed it down from like 100 guys down to 50, 25 and then down to about 10. He said that he thought that he was being rejected and figured he wasn't going to get the job. He said in the final audition he killed and got the job. Howard said that must have been one hell of a night when he got that. Jamie said that changed his life after that.
Howard said that doing the stand-up all the years before that helped him get comfortable enough to go up there and kill like that. Jamie said that the Wayans brothers were a Klan and they were always going to work together on stuff. He said that the show got canceled and things all went bad after that. He said that he had just started spending his money from the show when the show got canceled. He said he was keeping all of his clothes in his car so he wouldn't be late for work.
Howard asked him if he was doing drugs and stuff back then. He said that they weren't drugs and kept saying that he wasn't doing drug but something. He said he used to smoke weed years ago but he got a hold of some bad stuff one time and that fucked him up.
Jamie said he went out to do a show one time when he was about 16. He was going to play some stuff for a family in this white neighborhood. They got there and knocked on the door and the guy who answered said he couldn't have two nig*ers in his house at the same time. He tried to negotiate to let his friend park there and just hang out. The guy told him he had to get out of there and off the street.
Jamie said that he was hanging out at this house and the group of people were telling racial jokes and stuff. The wife came over and apologized to him for that. Then he performed for them and got this jacket that the guy had given to him to wear. He went to give it back at the end of the night and the guy told him he couldn't wear it now so he could keep it.
Howard asked Jamie about the girls he had when he was a kid. He said that his first girl was a black girl but he did have some white chicks in his life. He talked about growing up and how his step-father had to go to ''mandatory college'' because of some stuff he'd gotten involved in. That led to Howard going over his history and how he had been adopted by his grandparents and then later found out that his sister was his mother or something like that. Jamie said that the people who adopted his mom had also adopted him. He said that means that legally his mother is his sister.
Howard asked Jamie why he wasn't that close to his mother. He also said that his life is really complicated. Jamie said that he doesn't need therapy or anything because of it. Howard said if his mother wasn't around for him, like Jamie's, he'd need therapy. Jamie said that his mother wasn't around and was about 28 miles away while he was growing up. Howard said that if she was there right now, he'd say something to her about that.
Jamie said that he still stays in touch with his family and gets along with them very well. He said they still celebrate holidays and stuff like that. Howard asked him if his family expects him to pay the bills for them. He said that his family really doesn't know what he makes so he'll get a call from a family member asking him for seventy nine dollars even.
Howard asked Jamie if he has a lot of people like this Minister Farakan asking him to do stuff for him. Jamie said that guy is a great guy in his personal life. Howard also asked Jamie about Michael Vick because he read that he'd grown up around dog fighting himself. Jamie said that's true and he does kind of have to root for the black man when he gets involved in stuff like that. He said that he tries to support OJ but he just keeps fucking things up.
Howard read that Jamie had banged Vita Guerrera but Jamie said he never does celebrities. Howard read that Salma Hayek was with him but he said that she's just a friend. He said that he might have sex with some celebrities but they're not usually in the same business.
Howard read that Jamie changed his name from Eric Bishop to Jamie Foxx because he was looking to get his name chosen by people who thought that he was a woman. He said that they'd pick the women first during improv nights.
Howard read that Jamie hated David Letterman and wouldn't do his show for a while. Jamie said that he was set up and they've since patched up. He said he was a young comedian who wanted to get on Letterman's show. He said that Bill Cosby had done some material about booty calls and stuff. He was going to go on Letterman and do this joke about that. The pre-interviewer told him that was great so he went on the show and was doing great. He figured when he got to that joke he was going to blow the roof off the place. He said he told the joke and then Letterman cut him off and told him to apologize to Bill. He said that was fucked up to have Letterman throw him under the bus like that.
Howard said he had something similar happen to him on Letterman when the OJ Simpson thing went down. He said that he wasn't going to do the show anymore after that because Letterman made him look like a buffoon.
Howard said that Jaime was there to promote this movie ''The Kingdom'' so he got in a plug for that. Jamie talked about that movie for a couple of minutes. Ralph was on the phone so he asked Jamie why he was so shot out of a cannon this morning. Jamie said that he had been up all night people watching at the hotel. Ralph asked him if the Wayans brothers are pissed that he and Jim Carrey are doing as well as they are. Jamie said that the Wayans are doing just fine, they have a ton of money themselves so they're not pissed.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Jamie if he thinks he's the most successful person to come out of In Living Color. Jamie said that he thinks that Jim Carrey is probably the one who is the biggest. He said he went over to Jim's apartment one time and he showed him some clips of ''Pet Detective'' and he knew that he was going to be huge after that. He said that he shook his hand and told him he had to do it then because after that movie came out, he wouldn't get close to him again for at least 10 years.
Howard read that Jamie had tried out for the movie Jerry Maguire but he blew the audition. Jamie said that he went to the audition and they sent him out to New York to read with Tom Cruise. He said he was going toe to toe with Tom out there, telling him he had two houses and stuff. He said he asked Tom where he was living and Tom told him he lives in Rome. He thought that was Rome Street, not Rome Italy.
Jamie said that he kept looking at Tom during the read for the movie. He said that Tom had taken a dramatic pause and he thought he'd lost his place in the script so he pointed out where they were in the script. Tom said he knew where they were at, he was just taking a pause. Jamie said that all of his own lines were really loud while Tom was whispering his lines. He said he just blew the audition. The guy pulled him out of the scene and asked him what the fuck he was doing. He really just blew it. He said that Tom is the coolest dude he's ever met and he was very cool with him.
Howard wrapped up with Jamie and gave him a plug for his movie ''The Kingdom'' which he had actually seen. He said that the movie was very good. Jamie is also doing his show live from SIRIUS tomorrow so he got in a plug for that.
Howard said he saw a clip of Jamie on YouTube where he leveled another comedian who was roasting Shaq. Jamie said that the other guy wasn't doing very well so that's why he did that. Howard thought the guy was doing fine but Jamie said he really wasn't. He said that he was trying to get things rolling and the other guy wasn't too happy about it.
Jamie said that he had a guy throw a chair at him at one roast. He said that the guy really took offense to what he was saying. Howard told Jamie that he's doing very good and gave him a plug for his Foxx Hole channel 106. He said he'll be on tomorrow sometime but he's not even sure what time yet. He said they just have fun and do the show whenever they want. He said that they might go from 2-7 on a Friday and then they throw in some music and a bunch of comedy bits.
Howard wrapped up with Jamie and gave him some plugs for the movie and the radio show again. He asked Jamie what he's doing today. He said he's doing Regis and Conan's shows today. He said he'll go back to his hotel and watch the politicians coming and going in there. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
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Howard 100 News And Wrap Up Show Previews. 08/20/08. 9:30am
Steve Langford came in with his Howard 100 News preview. Steve said that they have audio of Dominic Barbara's mayday call to the coast guard. Howard played the clip where Dominic was yelling ''mayday'' over and over and telling the Coast Guard that his boat was on fire. The Coast Guard guy was telling him to get off his radio so they could talk to him. He wasn't letting off his button when he was yelling out to them that he was on fire.
Howard said that Dominic doesn't know how to drive that boat and he causes all kinds of problems when he's out on it. He said that he and Artie have been on the boat and have seen him doing this stuff. Howard said that he's not sure why Dominic was in his underpants on the boat. He goofed on him and his mayday call.
Howard said that they should have just let him burn up out there. He played the audio of the call again and Dominic didn't let them answer him.
Howard continued to goof on Dominic and the way he drives that boat. He said that he's so fat that he can barely reach the controls of the boat. He did an impression of Dominic for a few minutes before Steve got back to his news preview.
Steve said that Harvey Leeds is going to meet with Andrew Liebowitz about his music career more than a decade after the Jesus Twins dissed him. They have some news about Bubba the Love Sponge's show being off the air yesterday because of a tropical storm down in Tampa. They're back today.
Howard had Jon Hein come in and give his Wrap Up Show preview next. Jon ran down his list of stuff that they'd be trying to cover.
Enrique Iglesias Performs Live. 6/8/00. 8:10am
Latin singer Enrique Iglesias came in to prove to Howard that he can actually sing this morning. When Enrique walked in even Howard was taken by his looks. Robin gave him a ''Wow!'' when she saw him and Howard told him he was a good looking guy. Howard wanted to build up to Enrique singing so he spent a few minutes talking to him about his life. He brought up Enrique's father Julio and said that he read that Julio was jealous of his son. Enrique said that wasn't true. Howard heard that when Enrique told his father that he outsells him 3 to 1, Julio refused to accept that and got very competitive with him. Enrique said that it's a healthy competition and that his father couldn't be jealous of his own son.
Howard also learned that Enrique was raised by his mother from the age of 4 to 8 and was then brought to the United States by his father. He was then raised by his nanny. Howard asked him if he ever got laid by his nanny but Enrique just laughed. He didn't want to talk much about his sex life. Howard then tried to find out about all of the famous women his father has loved before. The only name that really came up was Diana Ross. Enrique didn't really remember seeing any other women around the house with his father.
Howard moved ahead and brought up this controversial tape that he's been playing for the past few days. Enrique said that he hadn't heard the tape yet so Howard played it for him. Howard told him that if he wasn't able to sing today that his Grammy might be taken away from him and his $30 million record contract might be in trouble. Enrique listened and laughed as Howard played the tape for him. He joked that he thought it was a pretty good performance. He told Howard that it's possible that it was him. He said he may have just been screwing around having fun but that's not how he sings for real. He also said that it may have been a lip syncing situation where he couldn't hear himself and it just messed him up. He listened to it a couple of times to try and recognize himself but he still wasn't sure. Howard asked him if he's pissed that someone would tape him and put it out like this. Enrique said that it pisses him off because no matter how popular you are, there's always ''..some prick out there trying to pull you down.''
Enrique's guitar player, Tony Bruno, came in and prepared to play the music while Enrique sang. Howard first went to a camera that was down on the street where a bunch of the press were waiting to come on the show. He told them that none of them are coming up. Howard did allow a fan to come in. She wanted to meet Enrique and she just about fainted when she came in the studio. She yelled and screamed for a minute until Howard told her to shut up and sit in the corner.
Howard made sure that there were no ''gadgets'' or any voice changing things around for Enrique. Fred played a drum roll and Enrique performed a short bit of his song ''Rhythm Divine'' which is the same song that he sings on the bad tape. He was able to sing the song better than on the controversial tape but he was still off key a little bit. Howard and Robin were both impressed that he was able to sing it better than on the tape. Enrique also performed a bit of his new single ''Be With You'' from his album ''Enrique''.
After singing it the right way he sang it like it was done on the tape that Howard had. It definitely sounds exactly him singing on that tape Howard has been playing. Enrique was just having fun doing all of this. Howard went back to the camera that was down on the street and spoke to some guy who was holding a ''Enrique Sucks'' sign. He told Howard that Enrique gave him the finger when he saw him earlier. Enrique said that of course he did that. He didn't need to see that as he was going in to Howard's building.
Some people were still saying that Enrique wasn't hitting the high notes in the song that he sang. Stuttering John and some phone callers all said that he wasn't that good. Howard thought that he'd proven himself already and that it was ridiculous for these people to say that. Enrique then went ahead and sang the song once again.
Howard was ready to end the segment but Enrique said he was having fun so he kept him on a little longer. Howard got a call from his friend Shaun Robinson from ''Access Hollywood'' who he met on a flight from New York to Los Angeles recently. She was calling in trying to get her producer on the show this morning. Howard had told the woman earlier that he wasn't allowing the press up to the studio so they called Shaun and told her to try and get them in. After a couple of minutes talking to her Howard figured out what she was trying to do and got off the phone.
A few more fans of Enrique's were allowed in the studio before he left. It was the women who were defending him earlier in the show. They spent a few minutes letting Howard goof on them for being such wacky fans. One girl was 19 and Howard told her she was getting a little old to be doing this. Another chick had left her husband and kids behind at home while she chases Enrique around.
Finally, Howard's board operator Luis came in because he claimed that he could sing better than Enrique. Enrique challenged him to sing with him and he accepted. Enrique started the song and Luis tried to sing the high notes. He was unable to do it and his voice cracked a few times. It wasn't as easy as he thought. Howard told Enrique that he could keep his Grammy and ended the segment.
After a commercial break Howard came back and had reporter Chaunce Hayden on the phone. He was saying that Enrique sucked and didn't hit those high notes. He wanted to know why Howard was defending him. Howard told him that Enrique proved that he sings on his own album and that's all they wanted to prove. They wanted to see if he was another Milli Vanilli and he wasn't. Howard said that he may not be the greatest singer in the world but he definitely sings on his own album. Chaunce was just trying to make a story out of something that's not a story anymore. Other people were coming in saying that Enrique wasn't that good but it didn't matter to Howard. He continued to tell them that all he wanted Enrique to prove was that he's the one on the album... and that's what he did.
Eric The Actor Trivia Game. 09/19/12. 7:20am
After the break Howard came right back and said that the guys are all working on the trivia game for Eric and Javier. Howard said that Lindsay Lohan was arrested for leaving the scene of an accident. He said JD was saying that he heard Dr. Phil paid Dina Lohan 50 grand to appear on his show. Howard said he's not sure if that's true or not. Howard said Dr. Phil just beats her up on that show. He said the woman is a mess and he doesn't let her get out a word. Howard said he's not sure who Dr. Phil thinks he is. He's not even a real doctor.
JD came in and said that it was RadarOnline.com that said Dr. Phil paid her. Howard said he yells at her like he didn't pay her.
Howard said Dr. Drew said something about Chris Brown and Rihanna and how there really is no bad guy there. Howard said he thinks it was in the paper today. JD said that Drew says he doesn't fault either person. Howard said he can't believe that. Howard said Chris Brown beat her up. He said you don't beat up a girl. Robin said he's saying that women don't leave fast enough so the guys have no excuse but to hit them. Howard said the guy who beat up the woman is a piece of shit. He said he doesn't see any circumstance where that's okay. Howard said he might beat up a woman if she stole his kid or something. Robin said you don't beat her up for saying the wrong thing. Howard said she's right. Howard said he faults someone in that case.
Howard asked Gary if they had the game ready yet. Gary said they are ready. Howard said they only have 3 questions but they had to do it on short notice.
Gary came in and Howard got Eric and Javier back on the phone. Howard said he wanted to do this quickly so they could end it. Howard said they're playing for a $500 prize from Steven Singer Jewelers. Howard said they have 3 questions. Howard went to Eric the Actor first and asked him ''In Eric's first phone call to the show who were the top 2 chicks he would masturbate to?'' Eric said one was Beverly Mitchell. Howard said he had to stop him there because he was taking too long. Javier said that's a tough one and he'll say one is Pam Anderson. Gary said it's Beverly Mitchell and Britney Spears. They were both wrong.
Howard said it's Javier's turn now. Gary asked ''Who were the three celebrities in studio when Eric made his only in studio appearance in 2008?'' Javier said it was Diana DeGarmo, Natalie Maines and that wrestler. Javier wasn't able to remember the guy's name. Howard asked Eric who they were. Eric said it was Kurt Angle and the other two. He was right.
Howard moved on to the final question and had Gary asked Eric the question. Gary asked '''What TV job did Eric turn down because he felt it was too satanic.'' Eric said it was the animated cartoon on the Cartoon Network. He didn't remember the name of the show. Howard said that's incorrect. Javier was up next and he didn't remember the name either. Gary said Eric gave the name of the network but he was incorrect. Howard said this game is screwed up. Gary said Sal and Richard did it during the break. He said they only had 4 minutes. Howard said Sal is an idiot. Eric said he was correct. The cartoon was on the Cartoon Network. Sal said that's not correct. Eric said that he's right. Gary said the answer is Adult Swim. Eric said that show is on the Cartoon Network. Howard said he hates Sal, he hates Eric and hates Javier. Howard said he should have given up the whole thing when Eric asked for money.
Howard said Sal is an idiot. Sal told the guys that he just got the information and it was all documented as being a show. Howard said Adult Swim is a network. Sal said it was the Cartoon Network. He said the show is on the Cartoon network. Howard said that it had nothing to do with the network. Sal said that it was the show that he turned down. Howard and Gary said that it's not a show, it's a network. Howard said Sal is an idiot. Sal said that this is a specific quote. Howard said Sal has no idea what he's even saying to him. Sal kept arguing because he refused to hear that Adult Swim is a network that shares space with the Cartoon Network.
Sal Screws Up Again. 09/19/12. 7:30am
Howard said they had a meeting yesterday and they have a community called Moldrid. Howard said Robin isn't a part of it yet. Howard said he developed this with the guys at IBM who have this thing called Connections. He said it's a place where the staff can write and communicate with each other. Howard said he rented out a conference hall with a screen yesterday. He said everyone had to attend. Howard said he did about a half hour presentation and then turned it over to Jon Hein. Howard said they had all of this stuff set up to teach people how to use Moldrid. Howard said that they had two guys from IBM there to teach too. Howard said they've been working on this for months so they had everyone come in to learn how to use it. Howard said everyone had to be there and they had to bring ID.
Howard said he was up there talking for close to half an hour and going through everything. About 20 minutes in he said maybe Sal wants to do this... and then realized Sal wasn't there. Howard said he was 25 minutes into this thing and Sal wasn't there. Howard said everyone was there except Sal. Howard said with that Sal comes running in the room. Howard said he asked Sal what was going on. Sal told him he was making a phony phone call to a McDonald's in Libya. Howard said this guy is there all morning and after the meeting. Howard said he needed him there at 11 and everyone else knew. Howard said he didn't want to berate him in front of everyone but his answer was absurd. Howard said that McDonald's isn't going anywhere.
Gary said he has information from Jon Leiberman who said that Sal didn't know where the meeting was. Sal said he ran out and he panicked. Gary said they all frantically came in there and ran to the meeting. He asked why he made the phone call. Sal said he messed up and there is no excuse.
Howard said that Sal fucked up. Eric said that he wanted to explain what this Adult Swim is. He said that it is on the Cartoon Network. It's a block of shows that's called Adult Swim. Howard said it goes beyond that. Howard asked how Sal missed that meeting yesterday. Howard said he has a meeting that's really important and he misses it. Howard said he was done talking and Sal showed up. Howard said he thinks that Sal did this on purpose. Sal said he's nuts.
Howard said if he told Sal that a woman was going to blow him and piss on him in that conference room at 11 he would have been there. Sal said he got caught up in the call. Gary said Sal is almost late to every Tuesday meeting they have. Sal said that's not true. Gary and Howard both said that it is true. Sal said he is never late to anything. Howard said he must have OCD or something. Sal said he has a little bit of that. Sal said he's on time all the time. He wasn't there on time yesterday. Howard said he heard he was late to work the other day too. Sal said that's not true either.
Gary said that Sal may have dozed off during the meeting yesterday. Sal said he did not. He said he would not do something like that. Sal said he was late and he's sorry about that. Howard said he's such a con man. Sal asked how he's a con man.
Howard said the phone call was good at least. Gary said that Sal was late to the most important meeting of Howard's career at Sirius.
Howard said he has to figure out what to do with Eric and Javier. Gary said he has two more questions or they can give them both $500. Howard said he'd love that. Howard thanked Gary for coming up with the 500 bucks. Howard said it's all because of Sal's fuck up.
Sal read his question again and said there wasn't a problem with it. The question was ''What job did Eric turn down because it was too satanic?'' Howard said it wasn't a job, it was a network. Eric said that Adult Swim is on the Cartoon Network and it's not one particular show. Howard said he has to get out of this.
Howard said that he had to blow all of this money because of this. Javier said it's all his fault. Howard said it really is. He thanked Steven Singer for bailing him out on this.
Ronnie came in and said he knows that Sal was sleeping. Sal said he was not sleeping. Ronnie said another guy saw him sleeping. Howard said that Sal is a big shot and he just falls asleep. Sal said he did not fall asleep. He said he would never do that.
Howard said Sal really is an idiot. He said he really doesn't know anything. Gary said he has a good example. He said that Sal had a melanoma on his ass. Howard said this is great. He said they were talking about skin cancer and Sal was talking about tanning and he thinks that sitting in the sun isn't tanning. Howard said then they asked Sal what he thinks caused his cancer and he thinks that the paintball that hit him in the ass is what caused the cancer. Sal said there could have been carcinogens in the paint. Sal said he got hit there twice and there was paint in that hole. Howard said it's because he went to the tanning booths and tanned without his clothes on. Gary asked Sal if the doctor told him that. Sal said he doesn't know what the doctor said.
Howard said Sal also used those electronic cigarettes that had poison in them. Sal said he stopped that. Howard pointed out the helmet he was using to grow hair too. Gary said that's out. Sal's wife didn't like that so he's stopped using it. Howard played a song parody that Richard put together about Sal growing his hair back with a light.
Sal said that his wife didn't tell him not to use it. He said she just pointed out that Howard was right about it. He was wearing a hat today so Howard asked what was up with that. Sal said he's afraid of light hitting his follicles.
Gary came in with a story he had from the internet where a guy got shot with a paintball and it exposed that he had cancer. The paintball didn't cause cancer.
Howard told Eric and Javier that they won $500. Eric said he will be at both of Ronnie's Block Parties this weekend. He is also on a show called TNA Today making predictions. Howard said he can't believe that happened. Eric said he starts in a couple of weeks doing that. Howard wished Eric a Happy Anniversary and put him on hold.
Howard played Sal's phony phone call to the Libyan McDonald's. Sal called and asked if they were going to burn down that place because a KFC was burned down in Lebanon. In the call Sal asked if they were on fire yet. The guy who answered said he doesn't know anything about the KFC burning. Sal asked if he has burned the American flag. The guy said they did because of the movie about Mohammed. Sal asked if the Jews were to blame for this. The guy said they are. Sal asked if they want America to stay and help Libya. The guy said he does want them to stay. Sal asked if he will be safe coming there to eat. The guy said they don't want to burn down any restaurant. They told Sal he would be safe there. Sal asked if the Jews would be safe. The guy said no.
Howard said he loves that call for a lot of reasons. Howard asked Sal why he had an accent. Sal said he just wanted to make them feel comfortable. Howard said the best observation is that there is always a woman yapping away in the background. Howard said that's universal. Howard said they had to make sure they got the word ''devils'' out right when they described the Jews. Howard said they want help over there but then they burn and kill our ambassador over a stupid movie no one is going to see.
Sal said it was weird that they burn the flag but then he doesn't want to destroy the restaurant. Howard said there was a story about a flag burning and some guy took a breath of the smoke and died. Robin said that it was someone in Islamabad. Robin read a story about that flag burning and what happened to the guy. Howard said he's glad the surgeon general didn't put any warnings on flags about inhaling the smoke when you burn them.
Howard said he loves the logic of burning down your own country because you're mad at the United States. Howard said that would be like being mad at Jay Leno and punching himself in the face. Howard said they're blowing themselves up over this movie. Howard said they have unusually high levels of violence and mayhem going on over there. Howard said they will eventually return to a regular level of violence and mayhem eventually. Howard wondered if that's crazier than wearing a helmet on your head to grow your hair back.
Howard said he was reading that Jeff Probst's new TV show is going to be canceled already. Howard said he hopes they give the guy a chance. He said he's a good dude. Robin said he's not doing the usual baby daddy stories. Howard said maybe he should. He said he'd do whatever he had to do to keep a show like that.
Howard said he heard that Sal's hair helmet could blind you if you looked at the lights. Sal said he did look at it for a second accidentally and he almost did get blinded. Sal said some women in Las Vegas went blind when they jumped in a pool that had toxic chemicals in it.
Howard said he can't imagine running a McDonald's in Libya. He said it's almost like a Sacha Baron Cohen movie.
Artie And Gary's Trip To Afghanistan. 07/14/08. 6:30am
Howard cut Artie off and asked him about this trip to Afghanistan. He asked how long it took to get there. Gary said that it was 8.5 hours to Germany so that wasn't so bad. Artie said that some of the guys had to fly from JFK and he and Jim left from Newark. They were supposed to get there at the same time.
Artie said that Gary was very brave over there and he didn't seem that nervous over there. He said that Gary got some great footage for Howard TV while they were there. He said they make you feel safe over there though.
Gary said that they had some trouble getting to Istanbul and then Russia. It was a total of about 21 hours to get to where they needed to be. He said that he had a lot of stuff to read and to keep him busy.
Gary said that they got to Istanbul and Artie was sleeping there. He said that it's a funny picture because Artie's shirt is pulled up and he's looking pretty funny. Artie said that his gut looked like Mt. Rushmore. He said he lost about 14 pounds over there but probably gained it back this weekend.
Artie said that they met this guy Jeff Anthony from the USO in Germany. He said that everyone was supposed to get on these connecting flights and the late flight was screwing things up so bad that they might have to go back. Artie said that it might end up just being him and Jim going to the shows. Artie said that he and Jim were fine with that but the other guys were really into going.
Gary said that they had to do a lot of meet and greets with the soldiers and stuff. Artie was sleeping away for most of this stuff though. Gary said that he and the guys were doing all kinds of stuff and Artie just slept. He said that they got Artie up by about 5 when they had a show to do at around 6. Artie said that he and the guys had some bunks in a barracks that had some soldiers.
Artie said that he had to jerk off about 3 times out there. Gary said that there was a really hot chick on the flight they were on and he almost had to jerk off too. He said that Artie kept asking her for water and she had to bend down and they kept getting a glimpse of her boobs.
Artie said that he had to follow Jim, Nick and Dave Attell over there and not everyone knows the show so it was kind of nerve wracking for him. He said that he does have a lot of material but those guys are so great that it's difficult to follow.
Artie said that Jim, Nick and Dave did 15-20 minutes and then he had to do like 35 minutes. Then they had to go out and do the meet and greet with the guys. All of the soldiers were great and the loved the show. Gary said that they weren't supposed to get too filthy but they ended up doing it anyway.
Howard had some audio of Gary doing his thing on stage. He tried to find it but just found one clip of Artie shooting the gun on the helicopter. Then Sal told him where it was. The audio was really bad on the Gary clip so he bailed out on that.
Artie told Howard that they did a really safe show on the first night. He said that the camp was kind of safe and the troops there were on their way to more dangerous places. Artie said that they were told to stay away from politics but they could test the water with other things. Artie said that there were a lot of troops there who knew who they were when they showed up. He said that they were yelling out Baba Booey and talking about him sleeping on the show and stuff. They know the show and appreciate what they do for them.
Artie said that Jim Florentine was first up and had to test the water. He did some really dirty jokes and he got some guffaws from the troops. That led to Nick DiPaolo going out and doing his thing and got even crazier. He destroyed according to Artie. Then Dave Attell went out and told a story about fucking a sock with shampoo in it since they weren't allowed to talk about masturbation. He said that Dave killed too and then he had to go out himself. He said that everything was just hitting and they were all killing.
Artie said that he did about 35 minutes that night and he was doing some really dirty shit that he might not even do in Brooklyn. He said that at the end he was doing some gay material. That led to the guys talking about 60 Minutes last night because they had a special about gay soldiers. They spent a minute talking about that.
Howard heard some noise coming from Gary's office and figured out that Sal had left Gary's microphone on. They got back to the Afghanistan story and Artie talked about how the American troops make fun of the French troops because they wear short shorts that look really fruity. He said that he made a joke about one of the guys when she saw him and the troops loved that.
Artie said that at the end of the first show he was doing gay jokes about the French and the troops were all loving it. He said that the USO guys told him that they loved what they did that night. That was just the first night and they had to do a meet and greet. The next day they had to go to Afghanistan, the first show was in Kursikstan.
Artie said that they flew to Afghanistan and that was a grueling flight. They had to leave extra early at 2 in the morning. Then they got to a place where it was 125 degrees and it was all sandy and sooty. He said that they got up at noon and went out to meet with some people while Artie slept. Gary said that they met the Colonel there and he was a huge fan of the show. He knew about Jim dating Robin and all of that.
Artie said that they missed about 5 flights to the place where they were going. They had to fly on a military flight and if there was no room they just didn't go. They finally got 6 seats and there were about 500 marines in the back of the plane. They all had 60 pounds of gear on. Gary said they did a show that night and that one went great. He said they got in a car to drive to another show and then the sirens went off. They were in Kandahar at the time.
Artie said that they were told this Kandahar camp was going to literally taste like shit. He said that the wind blew and there was the smell of shit and it was so grotesque. He said that the troops came in after doing hand to hand combat with the Taliban. They just wanted to sit down with a cigarette and laugh. He said that the smell of shit was all over the place and it was so bad you could taste it.
Artie said that they have a shit pond there and two Romanian soldiers bet each other that one couldn't swim across the pond. The guy tried to do it but almost drowned in the shit. Artie said that at night you can see the shit particles floating around in the air.
Artie said that they did the show there in the shit stench. Then they had to go do this meet and greet. They got in their SUVs to go and they got about 20 yards and the sirens went off. They were under attack and they ran into some concrete bunkers that they had there. They all huddled into the bunkers that were like giant coffins.
Artie said that the marines all gathered around them and walked them into the bunker. They were like their human shields. He said that there was one guy by the name of Chris Brown who told him that if one of those things hit them, they'd just vaporize and he wouldn't feel a thing. He said that they wouldn't even feel any pain.
Artie said he asked about shrapnel and the guy told him that he'd make sure that it hit him before it hit so he didn't have to worry. It was their job to protect them and that's what they were doing.
Artie said that he got all of their numbers and he's going to have them over to his place when they get back. He said he's going to take them all to a Yankee game too. Gary and Artie said that they didn't hear any bombs going off, they just heard the sirens.
Gary said that this was the same camp that was attacked when Toby Keith was there. Artie said that they heard some stories about the guys going out and killing some Taliban. He said that they all signed a bomb over there and the Colonel there told them that they used that bomb and killed 8 Taliban with it.
Howard said that they must have a lot of joy when they kill those fuckers over there. He said that it must be wonderful to just kill like that. Robin said that they just keep adding to the Taliban though so it's not doing all that much to take them out.
Artie said that they were on the black hawk helicopters and shooting these guns there. He said that they're these huge rifles that they stick out the sides of the chopper. He said that the guys were looking for people out in the desert and there were holes in the ground. They're constantly looking for the Taliban to come out of those holes that are used for irrigation and stuff.
Artie said that one of the guys in the chopper asked him if he wanted to shoot one of the guns. He said that the guy was telling him that he had to climb over him but it might take a while to do that. Artie said that he got to the gun and tried to shoot it but he wasn't strong enough to aim it very well. He said that he went nuts shooting the gun and he felt like Rambo doing it. He said that the young kids are strong enough to hold the gun and aim it but he wasn't. He said that he wanted to take out some Taliban but the guy had to ask him to stop shooting because he wouldn't stop.
Artie said that he asked the guy what would happen if he killed a Taliban guy. The kid told him that would be one less fucker that he'd have to kill.
Howard said that he has an idea for a movie where the Taliban finds a piece of the bomb that they signed and the guy would have to go out and hunt him down.
Gary said that he actually gained a couple of pounds over there in Afghanistan. He went on to tell Howard about these drones that they have out there that can follow the people who plant bombs on the side of the road. They find out where they came from and then they bomb that house or building where they go to. Gary said that when they blow those places up they get applause from everyone.
Artie said that he asked the troops what they want them to say on the radio and they were telling him that they need more troops in Afghanistan because Iraq is getting most of them now. He said that all of this stuff is about religion and codes and stuff over there. He said that the Taliban is dealing heroin and that's how they're making their money. He said that the heads of the oil companies over there are donating to the Taliban too. Artie said that the heads of the oil companies do that because they're the same religion as they are. That's all this stuff is based on.
Howard said that he had to wrap up with this stuff and move on. Gary said he had one more story to tell but Howard told him that he's proud of them but he's done with the stories. He said that he likes that they went over and entertained the troops. He said that it is true that the kids over there fighting are very brave. He said that they're just 19 and 20 year old kids.
Artie said that this one kid that told him that he was going to jump in front of shrapnel was so brave and he's not even the president. He said it makes you want to cry when you hear something like that. Howard thanked this Jessica girl for thanking Artie the way she did with the lap dance at his house party.
Gary talked about some of the jokes he was telling at the shows and said that Mike Morse wrote a bunch for him and a listener sent him some stuff too. He said that he had to use some cheat sheets to do them in the first few shows.
Artie said that Gary got better toward the end of the shows. Gary told some of the stuff that he was using during the show. Artie said that he was doing a good job as a host and that was working out very well. He said that he just handed the microphone to Gary and Gary would make the announcements and stuff. Howard thanked them for doing what they did.
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Goofing On VH-1 Show ''Fabulous Life.'' 05/08/08. 6:10am
Artie said that he caught this show on VH-1 yesterday called ''Fabulous Life: The Hamptons'' and they do this thing about Howard on the show. They feature him as the main centerpiece of the show and they talk a lot about him. Artie said that they were giving details about what Howard paid for the house he rented out there. Howard claimed that some of the stuff they were claiming wasn't true.
Artie did his impression of the host of that show who sounds like a rip off of Robin Leach. Howard and Artie joked around about taking the guy and beating the shit out of him. Artie was talking about some of the stuff they'd bring up on the show. They were making up some wild stuff and goofing on the guy and the show.
Artie mentioned P. Diddy's house at one point. Howard said that he did go to P. Diddy's house one year out there. He said that he wasn't allowing people to use his bathroom so he and Beth actually pulled over and peed on someone's lawn out there.
JD came in with a clip from that show where they talked about Howard. Howard played the clip where the annoying guy was talking about the kind of money he was making at SIRIUS and how much he was spending out there in the Hamptons. The guy mentioned the Mercedes that Howard purchased for Robin. Artie had the impression down pretty good.
In the clip they claimed that Howard spent $700,000 in 2006 out there in the Hamptons. They said he only had to work a few hours to make that kind of money though. The guys continued to goof on the guy with the goofy voice for a few minutes. They were making up more and more nonsense that they could talk about in that show. Howard was throwing in some stuff about using baby wipes to clean his enormous ass hole and stuff.
Howard said that Beth was out last night and he got kind of pissed about that. He said that she was out at some dinner where James Taylor was performing.
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Lisa G's Howard 100 News Preview. 01/11/12. 7:20am
Lisa said that Jason and Will will be doing another Page 69 and talking about how Richard went home early to take care of his pet guinea pig recently. The guinea pig ended up dying.
Howard said that Richard used to jerk off to audio tapes when he was younger and he wanted to hear what they were like. Howard said he heard them and all you can hear is the guys. He said that there is a woman on the tape but all you hear are the guys. He said the tapes are kind of weird.
Howard said he had the clips of the porn stuff. He played one where you hear the guy telling the woman to suck him off and he's talking through the whole thing. It's a guy with a southern accent and it's just comical. Howard asked Richard how he beats off to a dude like that. Richard said you want to imagine you're that guy. Richard said that the cassette had like Peter North and some hot chick on the cover but that's not what it sounds like. Howard said that the guy in the tape sounds kind of like Herman Cain. Howard played more of the audio and got some laughs out of that.
Howard said he couldn't beat off to this if it was the last thing on earth. Richard said he used to wear a Walkman to listen to the cassettes. He said that the whole thing was a whole story so he just pulled a few clips for Howard. Howard replayed one of the clips where this ''Shaft Man'' was talking to the woman about why they call him Shaft Man. Howard asked if Richard ever puts on that accent and talks to his woman like that. Richard joked around about that for a few seconds.
Howard asked Richard if he talks to his pets in a baby voice. Richard did a voice that was kind of a baby voice. Howard said Beth does that but she has no inhibitions. Howard said he talks to the pets but he talks to them like an adult. He said maybe he should put on a voice. Howard said that Beth heard him talking to the dog and she asked if that's how he talks to them. Howard said that he does talk to them in a regular voice. Howard said that's the way his dad talked to him when he was a toddler. Howard said he didn't put on any voices. Howard said he just talks to his pets like that.
Lisa said that Superfan Roundtable is moving to Wednesday night at 7 and the Intern Show is moving to Thursday night at 7. They went to break after that.
Getting To Know Hanzi. 05/14/07. 6:00am
Howard started off the show by taking a phone call from this guy Hanzi. He asked if he had read the last issue of Time Magazine where they had the Top 100 people listed because he wasn't on the list. Howard said he was on the list last year so he's kind of surprised that he's not on it this year. He said that magazines are there to sell magazines... He had to stop in the middle of it because Hanzi was talking to someone. Howard said he used to be a good caller but now he's talking under him. Hanzi said he was talking to his mother because she was giving him a hard time.
Hanzi is 23 years old and he still lives at home so Howard asked him what was going on there. Hanzi said he's had some issues lately and he's been going to therapy. He said that he's trying to work through a bunch of issues because he's unable to work because of them. Howard said he sounds like every guy because he's saying he can't get girls. Hanzi said that he's Pakistani and started to explain why he's upset about the girl thing. He started to explain it but Howard cut him off and said he thinks that he believes that he should get girls in his culture but that's not what he was going for.
Hanzi claims that he has gotten laid in his life but he didn't stick with the chick because he refused to eat her out. Hanzi went on to say that he didn't get to express himself when he was a little kid because he was always doing things for other people. Howard asked him what he did. Hanzi tried to explain that stuff but Howard and Robin kept cutting him off. Howard was goofing on him so Hanzi sounded like he was going to give up on the whole explanation. He couldn't get his thoughts out because Howard and the guys kept cutting him off.
Howard asked Hanzi if he's ever held a job. He said he had some temp jobs and did that. He worked in some stores as a cashier and things like that. He said one job gave him 6 hours a week so that didn't work out too well. He said he thinks that when he goes into interviews they don't like his answers or something. Howard tried to go through a phony interview with him to find out what kind of answers he gives. He asked Hanzi to talk about himself so Hanzi gave him some good answers and Howard figured he wasn't that bad.
Hanzi said that he was put in something called ESL for many years. He didn't even know what ESL meant so Gary told them that it stood for English as a Second Language. Howard wondered how he couldn't know what that meant if he was in it.
Hanzi said he was using that ESL thing in his stand-up comedy act so Howard asked him why he'd use that if he doesn't even know what it means. Hanzi said that Canadians would know what it means. He went on to say that he used that in a joke about his stuttering and how it was so bad that his teachers put him in ESL. Howard tried to dissect the joke and tell it again but it didn't come off so well. He and Robin goofed on him a little bit about that.
Howard told Hanzi that if he were his mother he'd tell him to go out and get a job. He wanted to see Hanzi's resume so he asked him to send it to him. He didn't believe he even had one but Hanzi claimed he really did. Howard talked to Hanzi about the work he wants to do and how it's obvious that he can't be a comedian after telling that joke earlier. Artie tried to help him out by pointing in him the right direction with his jokes. Hanzi said that he also rants in his comedy routine so the guys figured he was kind of like a Dennis Miller or a Pat Cooper in that way.
Howard told Hanzi to get angry about something and rant like he claims he does. He tried feeding him some ideas so Hanzi could write some jokes. He told him to go write some stuff for them and then call them back. Hanzi said he did make a video that he put on YouTube. Howard said he had to see that.
Sal came in and said that he wants to give this guy some jokes for his stand-up act. He said that if he's white and doesn't look Pakistani he could make a joke about how no one knows he's Pakistani other than the fact that he smells like piss. Howard kicked Sal out of the studio. Hanzi was laughing though.
Howard took some phone calls and let some people rip on him. One guy told him to go out and get a job. Hanzi was arguing with him asking him ''Who are you?'' over and over again as the guy was goofing on him. Another guy told Howard to just get him off the air. Artie tried to help him out with jokes again and gave him some suggestions for what he could write jokes about. Howard saw a picture of Hanzi so he said that he's actually a handsome guy. Artie told him that he could use that as one of his jokes saying that Hanzi is short for Handsome and he'd get a laugh out of that.
Howard got back to the Time 100 list and said he was going to talk about that. He said he's pretty sure that if they put him on the top 100 list it would just be a hype thing for the magazine. He figured that they wouldn't put him on the list year after year. He said they offered him the chance to be at a party last year when he was on the list so he could be photographed with all of the other people on the list. He said he doesn't care about that stuff and would rather be low key when it comes to that stuff.
Howard played some of Hanzi's video from YouTube where he raps. He played that for a short time and then cut it off. He said he's not into rap but that didn't sound too good to him. Hanzi told him that it gets better in the second verse so Howard tried to get through more of it.
JD came in and told Howard he pulled some audio of Hanzi doing a prank call to a religious TV show. Hanzi had to explain the call to Howard before he played it. Howard played a few of the calls but he didn't like what he was hearing. Hanzi said that he made about 80 of them and those weren't the best. Howard gave up on trying to play them and let him go.
Today's Mammary Lane was over around 11:00am.
Jon said he's always observant of Howard's friends over the years. He said that some come and some go. He said that the most consistent one is Ralph. He said Dominic faded away for a while. He said that some of the other relationships have fallen off too. Jon said that people assume that they're all friends there on the show but that's not necessarily the case. Jillian said that Howard and Ralph work together and they spend a lot of time together. She said that it's more than Howard and Robin would go to dinner. She said she loves when Ralph comes out and they go to dinner. She said that they can hang out too. Jillian said she was doing the junket for Private Parts when she met Ralph the first time. She said that she got to interview Howard for that and she'll never forget sitting across from Howard. She said that she got to interview him about Private Parts. She said she remembers going back home and feeling like her life had been made. Jillian said that she heard Howard talking about her and hearing Robin saying something about how models who don't make it end up in the news. She said that she and Ralph became friends though all of that. She said that Ralph and Ronnie got into a massive fight about the closing of Ronnie's trunk a while back and she was there for that.
Jon said that Jillian is the one who Howard always talks about missing out on. Jillian said she has no shame. She said she is in love with Howard Stern. She said Beth is amazing but she feels like Howard is the one who got away. She said she does think about that. She said she does love him but maybe that would be too much for her. She said that she would want Howard to love her as much as he loves Beth. She said her shrink told her that the guy she gets involved with next has to be like Howard. She said he's a Howard Stern fan too.
Jillian told Jon that she has had dreams about going out with Howard. Jon asked her for more details. Jillian said she's had sex dreams and crazy stuff like that. Jon said she's told some crazy sex stories on the show too. Jon said he can only imagine what happens in her dreams.
Jillian told Jon that she's not mean jealous of Howard and Beth but she is jealous of what they have. She said that she worships you if she's in love with you. She said that she wants to be the girl and she thinks Beth gets that. She said Howard and Robin have that really intricate relationship at work too. She said she'd love to be Robin too.
Jon said that Jillian will treat you like a god but you have to treat her like a goddess. Jillian said she has no problem being the bread winner but she wants to be treated like Beth is treated. Jillian said she was at Kimmel's last party and Beth and Howard came down the stairs together. She said that she gets there early herself. Jillian said Howard likes the same shows that she likes and he likes to get in bed with his wife and get cozy. She said that's what she loves about him.
Jon said he's interviewing Jillian for this Wrap Up Show. He said he thinks it's pretty interesting. Jon said that some relationships are great for 6 months but Howard and Beth are like the perfect couple. He said that they're all over each other and it's romantic and nice to see after the years they've been together. Jillian said that they are a match. She said her therapist thinks she should be involved with someone like Howard.
Jon said they have a ton of calls for Jillian. He took a call from a guy who asked Jillian if she masturbates to Howard Stern and if she uses toys. Jillian said she believes she has. She remembers one. She said she's not a toys girl though. Jillian said she would rather have a real man than toys. Jon said they had to take a break after that.
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Jon took a call from a guy who asked Jillian about putting Howard on such a high pedestal that it never would have worked out for them if they had hooked up. He said there is no way Howard could live up to that. Jillian said she already has lived up to it. She said that her love for him has grown over 24 years and getting to make out with him would be enough. Jillian said that she knows this all sounds ridiculous. She said that there would never be a let down. Jon said he gets what the caller means. He said that there could be something that happens and it could live up to expectations. He said in the dream state it lives on perfectly. Jillian said she thinks that she'd be perfect for Howard because when she goes home she can be that quiet person who can listen.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if she would consider replacing Gary on the Wrap Up Show. Jillian said that would be very big shoes to fill. She said that she would talk about this stuff even if she's not on the radio. She said it's fun to have a microphone in front of her.
The caller asked if she thinks there's a daddy complex going on there. Jillian said no. She said the guy who raised her and adopted her was great and she has no problem with him. She said that she doesn't usually go after older guys. She said it all started when she heard Howard 24 years ago on the radio. She said that she used to see Melrose Larry Green on the side of the road with his signs and she wondered who Howard was. She said she realized that he was doing something differently. She said he stepped out and didn't kiss ass. She said that Howard was so refreshing and that's where her love for him started.
Jon asked if Jillian and Jimmy Kimmel overlapped at FOX. She said they did. She said that he was always out in the field doing his thing. She said that he did The Man Show and she knew him in passing. She said she didn't know that they were fans at the time. She said back then they never really talked about that. Jon said Jillian has always been an outspoken fan but not everyone would come out and talk about Howard. Jon said everyone loved Howard but only a few were talking about him. Jon said it's great to see people coming out and talking about it more now. Jillian said they'd come on the morning show and say ''Hey now!'' and that was their code to let her know. She said that she had guests on who were told by their publicists not to talk about Howard. She said they're all coming out now. They went to break a short time later.
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Jon took a call from a guy who said Jillian never shuts the fuck up and he thinks that's why Howard never hooked up with her. Jillian said that she has to talk on TV and radio but at home she's very quiet. Jillian said that Howard has said she talks too much too. She said that she's not as talkative as they think. Jon said Howard isn't talking as much off the air either so they could bond over that.
Jon asked Jillian about some photos she posted with Bruce Jenner and the Kardashians. Jon said he knows Howard would love to interview Bruce and he thinks he'd do a masterful job with getting the issues out. Jon asked if she thinks that's a possibility at all. Jillian said she thinks that Diane Sawyer did a good job but Howard is funny. She said that Bruce was funny in that interview with Diane. Jillian said that she ran into Stuttering John years ago and he was with Bruce. She said that she became close with Bruce through John. She said that she was a figure skater and Bruce was with her and fell on the ice and cut his face. She said that they used to invite her over to their house for holidays. She said that she was there when Kylie and Kendal were like 7 years old.
Jon asked if she had any clue that Bruce was struggling with this. Jillian said no. She said that Bruce is a great person and she refers to him as a he because that's what he wanted until he becomes a she. She said that he seems to be doing very well and she's very happy for Bruce. She said that she really had no idea though.
Jon said the thing he took away from that interview was the sense of humor Bruce had. He thinks that's why he'd do well with Howard. Jillian said she thinks he'd be comfortable doing it but it might take him until he's in the complete transition for a year or so. She said that Howard would be the best choice. She said that this would be live and on Bruce's terms. She said that she thinks they'd get much more out of that than they did with Diane.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Jillian is smoking hot. He asked if Howard called her today and asked her to do Howard if he called her today. He also wondered if she would do Ralph or Sal if it would get her a weekend with Howard. She said no to sleeping with someone else for Howard. She said that Howard is married too. She said that she doesn't even go there in her mind.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he can't get past how stupid Sal is. He said he can't believe Howard still employs this guy. Jillian said that stupidity makes radio gold. She said Sal and Richard have made some great calls too. The caller said Howard has surrounded himself with some stupid people. Jon said that they all took IQ tests and Sal may not know current events but he's great with the calls and parody songs. He said he is a funny, funny guy and that's ultimately what Howard is looking for. Jon said JD didn't do well on the IQ test but he's great at his job. He said Howard loves him on the air too. Jon said that it comes down to how entertaining you are on the air.
Jillian said that what Sal and Richard do make gold. She said that JD is gold too. She said she's caught up in the Benjy and Elisa thing too. She said everyone has their place. Jon said it doesn't matter who is on that couch, Howard treats everyone the same way. Jon said that it can be Wendy the Slow Adult or George Clooney and Howard treats them all the same.
Jillian said the other thing Howard does well is make people entertaining. She said that's what she took away from Howard for her show. She said that Howard made people interesting. She said that's why Howard is the greatest entertainer. She said that it comes down to Howard and he's adlibbing for 5 hours a day. She said that it's the interviewer's job to make people entertaining and that's what she told the producers at Good Day L.A.
Jon said Howard has a skill that he's just in awe of. He said that you have to respect what he does. Jon said he thinks Howard is getting the respect he's due finally. He said hopefully that will keep him on the air at the end of this contract. Jillian said he so deserves it. She said what Howard has done with his time on the air is amazing.
Jon said that when they're back live on Monday he's sue they'll hear about AGT since Howard has been doing work this week. Jon got in some plugs for today's Sternthology and wrapped up the show. They were done around 11:55am.