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Howard started off the show asking if everyone had a good weekend. Everyone said they did so Howard asked if anyone did heroin over the weekend. Artie said he's not falling for his tricks and joked around about that.
Howard moved on to take a phone call from Wolf who said he'd like to cut through the bullshit and measure Ronnie to find out just how tall he is. He thinks they should compare that to his driver's license to see if he does lie about his height. Howard said Gary actually had a measuring tape there to do just that. The guys talked about how they tower over Ronnie even though he claims to be 5'8'' tall. Artie said he's 5'9'' and he towers over Ronnie.
Ronnie came in and asked what this was. Howard told him to take off his shoes so they could do this. Ronnie said this is horse shit and he's not doing it. Howard and Robin said ''Ohhhhhh'' when he said that. Ronnie didn't want to do it but Gary had come in with the measuring tape so Ronnie took off his shoes. When he did that Howard said he dropped about an inch.
Gary measured Ronnie and came up with 5'7 1/2'' tall. He's not quite 5'8'' but not far off. Gary said he really needs one of those things from the doctor's office to get the exact top of his head because the tape was over the top of his hair.
Ronnie started yelling at Howard about the way they bust his balls over this stuff. He was yelling about them making him take his shoes off. Howard asked him if those are lifts in there. Ronnie sarcastically said that they were.
Wolf asked if Ronnie sits on a phone book in his limo. Once again Ronnie gave him a sarcastic answer of ''yeah, I sit on a phone book.'' Howard then played a new prank call that the guys made using clips of Ronnie talking about being Scoresman and getting a tattoo. They called this tattoo shop and played the clips of him talking about that and getting the guy on the phone pissed off at him.
Howard said that Ronnie really comes off as being angry. He said he's got a lot of anger and road rage in him. Ronnie said he's not angry but then gave more of his sarcastic answers saying that he's angry because he's short. Howard tried to get to the bottom of it and tried digging into his history to find out what's wrong with him. Ronnie said that his shrink tells him that he's crazy.
Howard said he always thought that Ronnie was much taller than he is. Ronnie said he never claimed to be tall. Gary said he never admitted he was short either. He's probably below average. Wolf asked him if his parents were Keebler elves or Smurfs. Ronnie said they were actually leprechauns. Artie said that the funny thing is that 90 percent of the jokes at his roast were short jokes.
Ronnie went off on Artie about his shit and said he doesn't even talk to him anymore. He told him to leave him alone. Howard wrapped up with Ronnie and said he could leave. Artie asked Howard if he never noticed the jokes about him being so short that you can see his feet in his driver's license picture. Howard said he knew they joked about it but didn't think he was that short.
Howard said that there's an article in the paper today about a family that was thrown in jail over in Iran over some stuff they said about the President. Howard suggested that they take this guy, arrest him, and put him on trial for all of this stuff he's being accused of. They're trying to put an end to this country and having him speak at Columbia University is ridiculous.
Howard said that it's probably not right for the guy to speak there but maybe it's okay to have him here for the United Nations thing. He said the guy looks like a rat and maybe he should think about shaving that thing.
Wolf was still asking about a prank call that he wanted to hear but Fred wasn't able to find it yet. He and Artie spent some time talking about sports while Fred tried to find that. They talked football and about the stuff that was going on over the weekend.
Gary came in and told Howard about some of the stuff that went on with the Washington Redskins. They had a lot of details about that and about the odd uniforms that the Redskins were wearing. They also went through some baseball news.
Howard said he had the prank call that Wolf wanted to hear. He went right into that a short time later. It was a call where Richard doubled up his voice and called a woman about some stuff she had for sale. He had her very confused with his repeating and talking over himself.
Artie wondered how he does that with the doubling up. Howard said he thinks that Richard wants to keep that a trade secret but he was kind of wondering how he knows what she's going to ask. Richard came in and said he recorded every possible answer to any question. Richard said it was weird to do that call because he could hear himself saying that stuff as he was talking. Robin said that he is a drummer so he is able to multi-task.
Richard said that he kind of learned the rub your stomach and pat your head thing at an early age. Howard said he was playing guitar over the weekend. He thought he could impress Beth with it but she got annoyed and asked him to stop playing. He said he was singing about her titties and licking her asshole so she told him to stop.
Howard said he wrote a song about Beth and then started singing ''Titty Woman'' to the tune of ''Pretty Woman.'' Howard didn't have too many lyrics so Richard and Fred threw in some lyrics for him to use. It seemed like they were on their way to creating a song parody but Howard gave up and went to some phone calls.
The caller said that she wants to get on the Subutex that Artie is on and wondered if he's going to have all kinds of withdrawal from that. Artie said that he's not taking it every day now but it can save you from the withdrawals from the heroin. He said you have to do it under the care of a doctor. He said that Subutex doesn't get you high, it just gets you back into a normal life. He was talking to Howard and Howard noticed something going on with his eye. He thought that might be his ''tell'' for when he's lying. That led to Artie talking about how he'd like to make a movie about a guy who violently shits himself when he plays poker and gets a good hand.
Artie talked about how he got on the Subutex and how he had to take quite a bit of the stuff to get off the heroin. He said that the doctor gave him a big dosage to keep him normal while he was doing his movie because he was such a mess. Artie said that he's not addicted to the Subutex anymore but it can block the high of heroin. He said that he still brings the stuff with him when he goes out on the road, just in case. He said that the stuff is really expensive too.
The woman on the phone said she has a problem herself so Artie gave her some advice and said that she will go through withdrawals if she goes off this stuff in the first few months. Artie said he can take an 8 milligram pill and it blocks the high for 2 days. That way it keeps the temptation away.
The woman on the phone said she heard that if you do take the Subutex and then do the heroin, then you will go through withdrawals. Artie said that some people O.D. when they take the Subutex because they take more and more Heroin trying to get high. You never get the high so they just take it until they die. Artie said he's not getting the high from the Subutex anymore either.
Another caller said that he's surprised that Howard and Chevy Chase patched things up so quick last week. Howard said it wasn't quick, it took over 20 years to make up. He didn't want to go through the whole story again though. The caller also asked about his relationship with Steve Martin. Howard said he really likes the guy and his new book (Born Standing Up: A Comic's Life) is really interesting. He said he feels funny asking the guy to do the show though. He said he would never ask him or his other friends, like Billy Joel, to do the show. He said if they want to do the show, they'd ask. Robin said that maybe they think that he doesn't want them on the show and they're waiting for him to ask. Howard said he doesn't know about that, but he's not going to ask. The caller asked if he could get on the show by drinking Richard's puke.
Howard said he had a really long conversation with Steve Martin a few weeks ago. He said he didn't know him all that well, they just went to dinner one night and didn't see each other after that. Howard said he talked to Steve about his recent marriage and how they kept it secret. He said he thought that was very interesting.
Artie said he was always into those Steve Martin movies from years ago. He also mentioned that they have the E Street Band channel coming back to SIRIUS soon.
The caller asked Howard if he could replay some of the Evil Dave stuff they played last week. Howard found the clips and played the Evil Dave call to Riley Martin. The caller got some laughs out of that. Howard let him go after that and then took another call.
The next caller asked Howard if he was out of his mind for suggesting that they extend the war in the Middle East. Howard said he never said that and just suggested that they arrest the Iranian president when he comes to this country. Howard and the caller went back and forth arguing for a short time. Howard said that we are at war in Iraq. He asked the guy who is directly selling weapons to Iraq and pointed out that it's Iran. The caller argued that those reports aren't correct.
Howard said that if they are supplying weapons to Iraq, then this guy should be arrested. The caller said that we are supporting some things over there in the Middle East that we shouldn't be supporting so there are people who are going to fight us over it.
Howard said that the military is saying that some of those weapons being used over there are coming from Iran. Those reports are coming from the Military, not from the administration like the caller was claiming. Howard said he couldn't go through this stuff with him anymore and had to get out of the conversation. Howard said that we shouldn't let this guy Ahmadinejad come to this country. We should be just as hostile toward them as they would be to us.
Howard hung up on the caller took another call from a guy who said that this is an amazing thing for the students from Columbia. They get to question this guy. Howard said that they're not going anywhere though. They're not going to change anything with this guy. They're going to honor the guy by giving the guy a welcome and a dressing room. He's going to have a big day there at the school and he'll be coddled with tons of security around him. The audience will probably be people like Tom from Phoenix telling him that we're in the middle of an illegal war and crap like that. The guy will see that and figure he can attack this country no problem because we're all a bunch of pussies.
Howard said that the thing we should do is scare the shit out of him by showing our military power. He said we should have a bunch of big dummies holding up statues of him and burning them like they do with our president over in their country. We're being looked at as a bunch of pussies. He said that this guy is going to get treated like a nice guy when he's really a war criminal. Howard said he's not calling for us to go into Iran and depose the government. Howard said that anyone who criticizes this guy in his own country gets put in jail.
Howard said the weird thing that goes on with the web site. He said they don't weight the issue of the Iraq war higher than the other issues. He said that war is something that means a lot to him. Gary said that Howard wouldn't go with Kucinich because of some of the stuff that he's against, like the satellite radio merger. Howard said that's right, he wouldn't be able to vote for him because of that.
Howard was going to give out the web site but the URL was too long. He wanted something short so Gary tried to look it up. He said that was kind of an eye opener for him even if he wouldn't vote for that guy. He said that he'll get that web site for everyone.
Gary found the site and said that the link is up on HowardStern.com. Howard said that it takes about 30 seconds to fill out and then you'll know who to vote for.
Artie said Dane does attract huge crowds. Howard said that he doesn't know that much about his comedy but he has seen a couple of things he's done and they were pretty funny. He said that he saw a picture where Dane took a picture and had his dog's ass facing the camera. Artie said that Dane has been around a long time and he's figured out a way to network himself over the internet.
Howard played some of the Dane Cook stuff that Artie was talking about. Artie said he hopes there's video of this. Gary said that there is a video of him performing the song on stage. It's a YouTube video of him doing his stand up routine. It turns out it was something a fan made. That led to Howard going off on YouTube because he just read that they got upset when a company wanted to create a JewTube web site and they said that it was an infringement on their copyright. Howard said that's funny because they let people post copyrighted material on their web site. He said that he should create a web site called YooToob and just rip them off since they let people rip him off.
Howard said this Dane Cook stuff sounds like Coldplay or something like that. Artie said it sounds like he can kind of sing. Robin said that may be but why would he do it?
High Pitch Eric called in and suggested that they send out the Howard TV cameras to see what he does while he works. Howard said that might be a good idea and said he'd talk to the guys about it. Eric thanked him for that and told Howard he loves him. That led to Howard saying that the top 5 shows on Howard TV are the 9/11 show, Eric the Midget returns, Date Jackie's Wife, Hamptons show with Ralph and then the Abby vs. Eve Queef Off show. He mentioned a few of the other things that are up there as well before he went to break.
Howard went on to talk about an album that's out where some 80s hair bands remade some songs. He said that Bruce Dickinson remade ''All The Young Dudes'' and he was kind of fascinated by that. He said that one of the guys from L.A. Guns remade ''Hurdy Gurdy Man'' too. He played ''All the Young Dudes'' and said that it sounded pretty good to him. He also played the ''Hurdy Gurdy Man'' which he said was also pretty good but not like the version he and The Losers did. Of course he played that version after playing the album version. Howard said he would have given them permission to use that on the album if they had asked.
Howard said that he's even better than the guys from L.A. Guns. Richard said that it sounded like they rehearsed that song a lot. Artie said that the rehearsals were insane and he almost didn't make it through them. Howard said that they do get a little carried away with that stuff. Richard said he was in the Homo Cop remake rehearsal and Howard almost killed Sal over that.
Howard said that Dee Snider recorded ''The Wanderer'' and it sounded pretty good. He said you have to stick with it because it starts out a little slow. He played the song and it does start out slow, but then picks up. Howard said it sounded good to him. Robin said that part was good, once he picked up the pace.
Howard read through the list of other songs on the album and played a couple of quick cuts from it. He played Rob Zombie's cover of ''I'm your Boogie man'' and a couple of other ones. He said there were 19 tracks on this album. Richard told Howard some of the tracks he should check out so he went through some of those. Artie talked about some of the bands and their effect on some of the kids in school when he was in high school. He talked about some kids who had a keg out on the beach and kept it hidden with a poster of the Iron Maiden ''Eddie'' character and when the cops showed up, they told the cops that they weren't drinking, it was Eddie who was drinking. He said he'd love to know what happened to those kids.
Howard and Robin ended up talking about sex after Howard mentioned a story he read about people in Egypt who cut off women's clitorises. They were talking about rubbing clits and things like that.
Howard asked Scott what he'd do to play this game. Scott said the game isn't out until midnight tonight. The guys noticed his hands shaking so Howard asked what was up with that. Scott said they always shake. He said that it's some central nervous shake or something like that.
Howard asked Scott what he'd be willing to do for this game. Scott wasn't up for anything, he said that he can get it tomorrow. One of the guys from the office, Kevin, came in and said that he'd do something fucked up to get the game. He said he'd be willing to let Richard tea bag him. Richard asked Scott if he'd let him put his balls on his head for the game. Scott said he'd do that for $10,000.
Kevin said that he's not going to take a nut sack in his mouth for a $60 video game. Sal came in and said that he has something new called a nostril pouch where he puts his penis pouch over the guy's nose. Howard said he wasn't really up for any kind of insertion. Sal said that he was just going to put it over his nose, not in his nose.
Sal and Richard were also talking about flogging Kevin's face with their cocks. Sal wanted to take his whole foreskin and stretch it over his ear. Scott was ready to go back to directing the show but Howard asked him if he'd be willing to do any of these things that the guys were suggesting. Scott was not interested at all. Howard wanted to give that game to Scott but they had to come up with something crazy for him to do. Scott said he had to think but nothing came up.
Howard threw one more thing at Scott. He said that he'd have to agree to vote for Barack Obama to get the game. Scott said that would ruin the country. Like that isn't happening already. Scott said he can't go there and throw his vote to someone like that for a video game. Richard suggested that they draw a penis and balls on his bald head. Scott wasn't up for that either. He wasn't willing to do anything they threw out to him. They wanted to draw and write stuff on his bald head but he refused.
Scott said he'd be willing to stop talking about politics for a month for the game. Howard wasn't interested in that. Scott told Kevin to take the offer and take the cocks on his face. Howard suggested they draw the cock and balls on his forehead. Kevin was fine with that. Sal suggested they write ''Scott DePace sucks cock'' on Kevin's face. Howard told the guys to draw a big cock on Kevin's face but Richard said it would be cooler if Howard drew it.
Howard had Kevin come over and started drawing the cock on his forehead. He had it dripping cum on his face and stuff like that. The guys said it was impressive. Howard thought up something to write on his forehead along with the cock. Howard said he kind of liked just having the cock and balls there but then said maybe ''I Hate Snatch'' would work. They were running out of room on his face so he had to go to the side of his head.
Sal suggested they write ''Insert Cock Here'' over his mouth. Howard had him write it since he suggested it. He went right ahead and did it. Kevin said he has to work there until 7 o'clock tonight. Sal told him he'd give him a gun to blow his brains out with.
Howard and the guys were laughing their asses off looking at the stuff he had written on him. He was breaking out in hives or something on his right side. The guys said that maybe he's allergic to the Sharpie pen that they used to write on him. Howard gave him a copy of the game and gave a plug for the game which comes out tomorrow. Howard sent Kevin on his way after that.
Howard played another song about Robin that a fan sent in. The song was ''Black Coony Woman.'' That was done by the same guy who did the System of a Down Baba Booey song according to Richard. There was another one called ''Proud Booey'' about Baba Booey of course.
Howard said he had another one where this guy belches his song. He played that one and then talked about the ''Big Black Titties'' song parody that he played last week. He said he was walking around singing that one and Beth asked him what it was. He played that one and said he finally got it out of his head until he heard a replay of the show.
Artie said that there are some songs you don't want to sing while you're out in public. He said he almost sang the ''The House Next Door Has Been Sold To Ni**ers'' while he was out on the street. Howard played that song a short time later.
Howard played a porn clip that the guys pulled for him. It was a clip that JD had found according to Richard. Howard took a call from a guy who suggested they send Kevin down to the gay channel, Out Q, to see what they do. Howard said they should send him to the Catholic Channel or something. Howard said that might be the thing to do. He made up a conversation that might go on with them over there.
Howard was able to follow them down there with the camera but Kevin was waiting to go in there. Howard kept telling him to just walk in. Gary had to bring Kevin back because they wouldn't let him in. Howard said that the conversation was boring, it may have livened things up.
Gary told Howard that he got the big hand and they said they were talking about something very serious over there and didn't want to let them come in. Howard said he should have just pushed him in there. He put the feed back up and listened to this ''serious'' conversation. It didn't sound all that serious though.
Howard goofed on Gary about his wart and Gary told Howard that it was completely gone now and showed it to him. Howard said he was right and it was gone. He thought for sure that it wasn't going to go away.
Gary wanted to send Kevin back down there but Howard said that it was too late to do it, it was ruined already. He blamed it on Gary because Gary inserted himself into the whole thing. Gary blamed Doug Goodstein from Howard TV for sending him down there with him. Howard said he just told Kevin to go down there. He said he was running late so he had to get moving.
Howard moved on to this next segment where he was going to have in some porn guys to judge a woman who wants to get into porn. He had Max Hardcore, Mike Sullivan and Jim Powers there to be the judges. He said hello to them and said that they all direct and make pornos. Robin knew the Max Hardcore name a lot lately.
Howard said that this woman Dixie Lee was going to come in and audition for the guys. He asked Max about the kind of stuff that he's done. He's done over 1500 scenes in the past 15 years. He does some pretty extreme stuff so Howard asked what that is. Max said he's done some fist fucking and stuff like that. He said he made some good money doing that but not Howard-type money. Howard read that he's facing some federal charges over what he's done in his movies. Max told Howard about some of the films that they say went over the line.
Max talked about how the government is trying to take his home and take down his web site too. He said he's worked had on this stuff and that's what's happening to him. Artie wondered what could be that offensive that they'd take legal action on a guy like that. Howard said if they're consenting adults, there shouldn't be a problem.
Howard read that Max does scenes where he pees in women's mouths and he does that in just about every film. Howard made him spit his gum out because he sounded like a cow in there. Max went on talking about how they've already found him guilty basically, because he had to ask permission to come on the show. Howard said that Sal likes this Max Hardcore guy and he's his favorite.
Howard moved on to Mike Sullivan who has worked in a lot of porn films himself. He said he has a bunch of web sites like MeatHole.com and a couple of others. Howard spent a minute with him and then moved on to Jim Powers who has been in a bunch of movies as well. He went through some of the stuff that he's done in his porn career. Howard played some clips from his movies too. He had one clip where they were face fuckin' a woman and Jim was berating the woman through the scene. There's one clip where a woman complains about getting cut inside while having something done to her. Howard played a clip from Gag Factor 13 and a woman quits the shoot because of what they had her doing.
Howard talked to the guys about how they find these chicks and went through how they come up with these crazy things they do with the chicks. Howard took some calls too. One guy said that he thought that in one movie, the girl looked like she was crying during a scene like she didn't want to do it. The guys said that they don't force these girls to do this stuff. They talked about some of the stuff that women have gotten used to these days and the girls aren't gagging as much as they used to do years ago. They must be starting out giving oral really early on in school.
Howard moved on to bring this woman Dixie Lee in to get evaluated. He said that she asked to come in and said that she's willing to do just about anything to get into porn. She had called in and talked to Howard about all of that.
Dixie came in and told Howard that she used to look at her Dad's porn collection. She said that she's be willing to be gang raped in a movie, that's a fantasy of hers. She said that three guys would be good for her. She said that she doesn't think she could take all three at once though. She said she can't take being peed on either. She won't drink urine but she is willing to have sex with a horse. She said that she's had a dog lick her down there before. The guys told her that's illegal but fun to watch. She said that she had her dog lick off some peanut butter from her down there. She said that it wasn't about having her dog do that, it was more about feeling what it might be like if a guy did it. That happened when she was 12 years old.
Dixie said she might pleasure a horse with her mouth or maybe her hand. She didn't sound all that into it though. She said that she won't do a black guy. When she said that Artie started to laugh his ass off. She'll let a dog lick peanut butter off her pussy but won't have sex with a black guy.
Howard said that the guys needed to see Dixie naked so he asked her to do it. She said that she won't get completely naked but she would take her top off. The guys said that if she won't get naked completely, she should just leave. She said she'd do it for a movie, but not in there.
Dixie stripped down and wasn't covered in tattoos so the guys liked that. Her boobs were small but perky. They liked those. Howard asked if the dress was going to come off. She said maybe so Howard asked her to take it off. She did that and then Howard asked the guys what they thought. They said that she was cute. Max said he thought she was too fat and she needs to work out. He told her she needs to work out and lose a few pounds. He said she's not even fit to pee on.
Howard said that she was a little bit heavy. Mike said that he'd hire her though. Howard then said he wanted to take them through a scene. He was going to play the part of a teacher who was going to flunk her for not singing a song with his penis in her mouth. He had the guys give her a dildo so she could stick that in her mouth as she sang. He then acted out the scene with her. He played the part of the teacher and went through the scene. He had her singing with the dildo in her mouth by the end of it.
Howard asked the guys if she'd be able to do some scenes. She thinks that she'd be able to do it but Max said he wouldn't waste his time on her. Howard said that two of the guys would hire her, one wouldn't bother. The guys asked her to strip all the way down but she still had her lower parts covered. Robin figured it was because she was on the rag. She was right.
Howard had the guys bring in this girl Layla that was out in the green room. She's a porn actress who doesn't know the word ''no'' according to one of the guys. She came in and whipped her dress off in no time. Howard had her put the dildo in her mouth and sing Row Row Row Your Boat to the guys. She did that and gagged on it as she was going. Howard told Dixie that's what she has to do. She needs to come into the room and just take over. She doesn't mind any of the stuff that she does. She said it's all just part of the job, that's what she gets paid for.
Howard did a scene with Layla and had her treating him like crap and then gagging on the dildo again. He was playing the part of a Gamorrean Guard as she was berating him. A short time later the girls were making out and the guys were directing them on what to do. Artie said that what turns him on is that Dixie is a filthy racist.
Howard gave the guys some plugs for their web sites:
Howard said he got all giddy like a school girl last night when he saw Gary Kasparov on 60 Minutes. He and Robin talked about the interview for a short time. Howard said that Kasparov is speaking out against Putin and that's a brave thing to do these days since it seems like people who do that just kind of disappear.
Howard said he watched Kelsey Grammer's new TV show and it was actually pretty funny. He explained what the show was about and said he's not a big sitcom fan but that show had some good laughs in it.
Howard said goodbye to Marcel Marceau by having Fred play some of his appearances on shows over the years. They were just music clips with no voices. Howard said he found out that he was a French Jew whose father was killed in Auschwitz. They spent a minute on that before Howard moved on.
A caller asked Howard what he's going to do if he knocks up Beth. Howard said ''here we go again...'' and said that he doesn't think he's going to have another kid. The guy said that Howard is marrying a 35 year old supermodel and he's an older rich man. The guy asked if all four kids would have the same inheritance if he did get Beth pregnant. Howard said of course they would. He said if you love your kids, you treat them equally when you write up your will.
Howard let the caller go and said that he wouldn't treat this kid any better or worse than his other 3 kids. Artie asked Howard if anyone he works with is in his will. Robin asked him why he brought that up because that's going to start something. Howard said he can't answer that. He said that he's changed his will just about every year and he has had them in and out of his will. He said that he had Robin and Fred in the will at one point. He said that it changes every year though. Lawyers will tell him to take them out and that it was an insult so he'd take them out. He said he's really not sure if they're in there at this point.
Artie said he thought that was a cop out and he would know if they're in there or not. Howard said he'd have to go back and check to see if they're in there. He said that the will specifically say that Benjy gets nothing.
Howard told Robin that she should leave all of her money to him. She said that he doesn't need her money though. Howard said he'd do something good with the money and put it into a charity. Robin said she's going to outlive Howard so he's not getting her money.
Howard said that years ago he and his wife tried to figure out who to leave their kids to if they died. He said that they weren't able to figure out who the leave them to. They couldn't think of anyone. Gary said that Christopher Reeve and his wife left their son to a neighbor which was probably a good way to keep the kid rooted in the same place.
Artie said his focus will be on being more chipper in the mornings. Howard told him that he should list his weight at the time of the stories he writes. Robin said she saw him in Beer League the other night and he looked so much thinner. Artie thanked Howard for all of the stuff that he's done for him because this was all thanks to him.
Steve said that Artie's assistant Teddy got a raise and a promotion to road manager. Howard thought he was trying to get rid of that guy and now he finds out he's gotten a raise. They spent a minute on that but then Howard said that he heard that Steve met Max Hardcore and got some of his movies. Steve said he got his card but he didn't keep the movies he got. They gave those to someone else. Steve said that he doesn't have time to watch porn. He watches Dora the Explorer with his kids when he has time. He said he's boring and reads The Economist instead of doing that stuff.
Howard asked Steve if it's true that he has a huge wiener. He heard that from someone and the guys assumed it was Benjy who said it. Howard asked Steve about the porno thing and Steve insists he just doesn't have the time to do it. Howard figured he was just embarrassed by it but Steve said he's really not. He just doesn't do it.
Howard said that he heard that Steve was big down there from an ex-girlfriend. Richard Christy came in and said that he knows Steve won't show it on the air but wondered if he'd let him feel it through his pants. Steve said that Sal would be jealous. Richard was serious, he wanted to feel his penis through his pants. That wasn't going to happen though.
Shuli came in and said that there are two things that Steve refuses to talk about, his huge cock and being from Canada. Steve said this was going to bring the show to a grinding halt. He said he left Canada 25 years ago and that was it. He didn't like it up there so he left. That's all there was to it.
Howard asked Steve what size penis is normal to him. Steve said that he wouldn't know and couldn't answer. Artie said he heard that Shuli has a big dick too. Shuli said that a Joey Boots said something about it one time when they were out at a strip club. He said that he's about 7 or 8 inches, he wasn't quite sure.
Howard had Steve finish up his Howard 100 News preview. Steve said that they spoke to Gary Garver about the OJ Simpson stuff that's going on. They've also heard that Howard is going to sit down for a 2 hour interview about the upcoming History of Howard Stern special that's coming up this December. Steve said that they have more on Benjy and his many layers. They have some student newspaper stories from Penn State about Benjy where he did some wild things. The articles range from 1987 to 1994 so he may have been in college for many years.
Howard was going to get into it with Benjy but decided against it when he said it's like death to talk to him. Howard had Jon Hein run through his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon said they'll be talking about the porn guys, Dixie Lee, Layla and Howard's improvised scenes with the girls. Howard wrapped up with Jon a short time later and had Robin get into her news.
Robin went through some more news stories and the guys ended up talking about OJ Simpson for a few minutes. That came up after they played a clip from the Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson where James Woods told a story about OJ Simpson.
Robin did a story about how people are influenced a lot by people like Oprah Winfrey when it comes to voting for people. Howard said he can see how that is because he didn't think that much about this new Jersey governor Corzine until he met the guy. He thought the guy was a great guy after meeting him and now he goes around telling people just how much he likes him. It's all about getting the word out there and Oprah is one of those people who can do that.
Robin read through a few more stories and wrapped up her news. Howard ended the show around 11:00am.
Howard started off the show saying that Artie is missing. He called an intern this morning and said that he had a fever. Robin said she thought she saw him this morning but she turned out to be wrong. Howard said that was Fred sitting in there, not Artie. The guys wondered what was going on with Artie and Fred coughed out ''Heroin'' under his breath.
Howard said that they have Jamie Foxx and Nikki Sixx from Motley Crue coming in today. He spent a minute on that and then farted. He said he was very gassy this morning after going out to eat with his daughter last night. He went out to Josie's restaurant and had a lot of broccoli to eat. He said he may have had too big of a portion. He said he has to eat something because when he stands up he gets dizzy. Robin told him something is wrong with him because he farts a lot after eating. She said that vegetables shouldn't do that to him.
Howard said he went home last night and Beth asked to see his penis. He showed it to her but she told him it looked kind of small. He said he masturbated in front of her once and she liked it. He said he'd like to do that in front of Robin but she's not interested in that.
Howard asked the guys if they've ever done that in front of their women. Fred said he hadn't so Howard asked Benjy some questions. He was talking to him about his girlfriend but then got a note from Will saying that he had broken up with his girlfriend. Howard asked Benjy why he didn't mention that. Benjy said that he didn't want to talk about it on the air.
Benjy did talk about his break up a little bit but wasn't all that revealing about the break up. He said that they have a lot in common and they're still real close. He said they're just friends now. He said that's been over the past year or so. Howard said he's amazed that any girl would want to have sex with him.
The guys were kind of surprised that he didn't tell anyone about this break up. Benjy said that they were still going out at the time of Howard's engagement party but Howard got a note that said they were already broken up. Howard thought that was really odd not to tell them about this and not give a straight answer.
Howard said he just can't talk to Benjy, he's very hard to talk to. He said he can't give a straight answer and he's looking to put him on or something. Benjy said that's not what he's doing. A phone caller told Howard to cut his microphone off. Howard said he was right and almost did that. He went off on Benjy and told him to just give a straight answer when he asks. He said he could see his mind going and looking for some shticky answer. Benjy denied doing that but Howard wasn't convinced.
Howard said he really liked Benjy's girlfriend Sheila. He said that they should have her sit in sometime instead of Benjy. Howard said it's harder to get an answer out of Benjy than it is to get one out of Fred.
A phone caller asked Howard if he saw Heroes last night. Howard missed it and wasn't sure if he even got it on his TiVo. He said he'll get a copy somewhere. He said he remembered to record The Bachelor though. He also talked about Dancing with the Stars. He said that he didn't think this season was going to be so good but he's liking it. He talked about Josie Maran and Jenni Garth who are on this season. He said that the one chick not worth watching is Marie Osmond. He talked about how hot Josie is even though she can't dance. Robin said she was busy watching Prison Break last night. Howard said he can't get into that show but Robin said he loves watching those guys.
Howard and the guys talked about some of the other people on Dancing with the Stars. Wayne Newton is looking really pulled back in the face according to Howard. He said he looks so pulled back that they probably wanted him to dance as a woman.
Howard said he watched some Howard TV last night and enjoyed seeing the Rocklahoma episode with Richard and Jim Florentine. Howard said Beth was telling him how hot Jim was looking in that episode. That led to Robin talking about Jim a little bit. Howard asked her if she's gone out with him yet and why she's not talking about that stuff. Robin said that she didn't know what he was doing when he was out dating so she's not talking.
A caller told Howard he was right about Jenni Garth and how hot she was looking. They spent a short time on that before Howard talked about how he's not watching that much TV anymore. He said he spends a lot of time playing chess. He said he's always checking in to see if anyone good is on so he can watch. He said he took a lesson yesterday.
Robin said she hates talking to people and that's what the web is all about. Howard seems to be enjoying it though. Robin said she's surprised at how long he's stuck with that hobby since he usually gets out of stuff like that pretty quick.
Howard said Beth suggested that they get married in December but he was against that. Robin said she had a dream that Howard had a destination wedding and got married somewhere else. She said she thought that was kind of bizarre that she was dreaming that. Howard said he really doesn't want to do that. Robin said even she thought that would be kind of gay.
Gary said that he heard they're shooting ''Sex and the City'' out there. Howard said that Benjy should go out there and fuck with them. He said he's pretty sure they're going to screw that movie up when they make it. He said that it should really be where they fast forward to the women's relationships. He said it should be a little bit dirtier and they should show some titty and some more hard core stuff. He said that titty is very important for his movie.
Robin thinks that they shouldn't make this movie at all because it could ruin the whole series. Howard said he's all for a movie about any TV show that he watches.
Howard said that George Clooney got into a motorcycle accident recently and he's not sure why a guy like that would do that. He said that riding motorcycles should be for guys who have nothing to lose, like Fred. Howard said that George had a woman, Sarah Larson, on the bike with him when he crashed and she broke her foot doing that. They talked about how hot the woman was.
Howard brought up Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and talked about his speech at Columbia University. He said that they're looking at the whole thing as a freedom of speech thing but he thinks that they shouldn't have had him speaking there just because the guy is from a country that is so against us. He said it's very strange because we're at war right now and this guy is from a country where they kill homosexuals, cover women's faces up and things like that. He said this guy is a maniac.
Howard and Robin talked about how offensive the whole speech was at Columbia. Robin said that they gave him the freedom to speak but also bad mouthed the guy before he went up and did his speech.
Howard said that this Facebook web site is huge and there are a lot of young guys making a fortune on these web sites. He said that the value of the web site is 10 billion. He's never been on there himself. Robin said she's never been on but she knows that all of the kids are on there.
Howard said that Gary and Jon Hein seem to be happily married. Ralph said that Gary is so happy in his marriage that he's always breaking out with warts and toe fungus and stuff like that. Gary said that has nothing to do with being married. He said that people get warts all the time. Howard joked that Gary has leprosy now too.
Gary asked Ralph about the last serious relationship he had. They talked about a couple of women that Ralph went out with for about a year or so. He's never really had a really long relationship though. Howard said Ralph can't stand being with people. Gary said that means that Ralph has no idea what a relationship is all about. He said he shouldn't be talking about stuff like that if he's never had one himself. Ralph said he just can't stand to be with just one person, except himself.
Ralph said he was watching the President of Iran and he was talking about how they have no homosexuals in his country. Howard said that's because they kill them all there. Ralph said the guy was joking around and having fun talking to the students at Columbia about that. Howard got all worked up about that and went off on the guy. He said that the guy is an asshole and talked about some of the other nonsense he was talking about during his speech. He was denying the holocaust and stuff like that. Howard
Howard and Ralph spent a few minutes going back and forth about that subject. Ralph said he didn't know much about the guy and he kind of exposed himself during that speech. Howard said there was no reason to honor him by letting him make the speech though. Howard said there were a bunch of people applauding him when he was talking about President Bush being a shit. He was trying to wrap up with Ralph but Ralph had some other things to go over.
Ralph said that last week they had the Jesus Twins on Mastertape Theatre and that was great. He said that they wanted Howard to stop the presses and put their song on the album. They even turned down some offers from some music companies. He said that they would have made for a great reality show. Howard thanked Ralph for all of that and then let him go.
Howard had some audio from President Ahmadinejad where he was talking about not having homosexuals in his country. The guy had an interpreter who filled everyone in on what he was saying. He played that quickly and then said he had to take a break.
Howard took a call from High Pitch Mike from Howard 100 News who wanted to talk more about this Columbia speech. He said that Howard lets the people from God Hates Fags come on the show so that's not much different than what President Ahmadinejad is doing. He also said that our President is repressing homosexuals in this country and that's almost the same thing that they're doing in Iran. Howard said that we're not killing our homosexuals though. It's a lot different.
Mike was comparing the two presidents so Howard said that they shouldn't have Bush at Columbia either. He said that this Iranian President was being honored at this Columbia and that's just not right. Howard and Mike spent a couple of minutes on that but Howard said he didn't want to talk about this guy anymore and he had to take a break anyway. He went to commercial a short time later.
Howard had the guys bring Jamie in and he asked Robin if she'd do him. She said wasn't really answering though. Howard asked Jamie if this is the first time he's been up there. Jamie said that it is but only because he's out in California. Jamie told Howard that he actually got kicked off the beach for doing his show out there. They have an office out there that they do the show from. He said they wanted to move out of the office and do the show from other places. They do the show 3 days a week for two hours each day.
Howard seemed surprised that he was doing shows that often. Jamie said that they kind of got promoted and got moved to another place out there. He's got his own channel, Foxx Hole 106, that he does his show on and has other people doing comedy stuff on there. They'll run any comedy they can on that channel. He said that people can get in their car and drive across the country and hear all kinds of different stuff.
Jamie said they got moved to this house out in Malibu but they got kicked out of there because they left the speakers on. He said they had this chick Super Head on the show and some old people heard what they were doing. He said he didn't know who this chick was at first and she certainly didn't look like ''Super Head.'' He said he didn't want to say that to her though. He said he'd met her out at a club and she wasn't doing the usual thing that women do with him. He said he knew something was wrong but he wasn't quite sure what it was.
Jamie said that he told the woman that she looked too good to be this Super Head chick but she gave him the smile like he was some super hero for recognizing her. He said she wrote about him in her book after that and said that nothing had happened. Then he had her on the radio show and she was probably the wrong guest to have on. Jamie said that they had some guests on the show and then this Super Head chick. He said that the radio show was actually great because they were talking about everything. He said that she's a down girl and she just flips it on you.
Jamie said he started asking Super Head about the guys she's done and she was naming everyone. He said she talked about Shaq and how small he is in the pants. He said she told them that he was like one of those gold door stops in a house.
Jamie said that Super Head was great on the show but there was a little old white lady walking by and she heard the foul things they were talking about on the air. That's what got them kicked out of the house there in Malibu. Howard said you can't be doing that in a residential neighborhood like that. Jamie said that Jeremy Piven showed up and had some fun with her on the air too.
Howard said that Jamie was dating Leila Arcieri who was on ''Son of the Beach'' and he was jealous of him for that. Jamie said that they were just friends and he wasn't banging her. He said that he ran into her at a John Kerry benefit one night and he told her that he asked her to go with him to the Academy Awards. He said that he didn't have anybody at the time and he already knew her as a friend. He said that the minute you hit it, it's over. Howard said he's not friends with girls so he doesn't know how that goes. Jamie said that they're still friends.
Jamie said that if you don't sleep with your pretty girlfriend, you will always have pretty girlfriends. He said that you have to remain honest in a relationship and tell the chicks how it really is.
Howard said that Jamie looks really muscular in this new movie of his so he wondered if he was doing something like juicing up. Jamie said he's not doing that at all, he's just exercising. Howard read that Jamie had glued his eyes shut for the movie Ray so he wouldn't be able to see. He said that he had his eyes really glued shut. He said he didn't want to cheat and actually see.
Howard talked to Jamie about his star power and using that to get chicks. Jamie said he did kind of use that Academy Award thing to get some chick's numbers. He said he just wanted to see whose numbers he could get with that.
Howard said he was surprised to find out that he's got a daughter. Jamie said that she's 13 years old and he took her to the Academy Awards with him. He said that he's really impressed with how smart she is. He said that there are a lot of nerds at the private school she goes to and he's not worried about them, he's worried about the guys who aren't nerdy.
Howard asked where this kid came from but Jamie didn't want to get into all of that. He said he wasn't looking to talk about the mother. Howard spent a minute talking to him about that and then asked him about getting the job on In Living Color. Jamie said that he had auditioned for the show back when he was doing stand-up comedy. They narrowed it down from like 100 guys down to 50, 25 and then down to about 10. He said that he thought that he was being rejected and figured he wasn't going to get the job. He said in the final audition he killed and got the job. Howard said that must have been one hell of a night when he got that. Jamie said that changed his life after that.
Howard said that doing the stand-up all the years before that helped him get comfortable enough to go up there and kill like that. Jamie said that the Wayans brothers were a Klan and they were always going to work together on stuff. He said that the show got canceled and things all went bad after that. He said that he had just started spending his money from the show when the show got canceled. He said he was keeping all of his clothes in his car so he wouldn't be late for work.
Howard asked him if he was doing drugs and stuff back then. He said that they weren't drugs and kept saying that he wasn't doing drug but something. He said he used to smoke weed years ago but he got a hold of some bad stuff one time and that fucked him up.
Jamie said he went out to do a show one time when he was about 16. He was going to play some stuff for a family in this white neighborhood. They got there and knocked on the door and the guy who answered said he couldn't have two ni**ers in his house at the same time. He tried to negotiate to let his friend park there and just hang out. The guy told him he had to get out of there and off the street.
Jamie said that he was hanging out at this house and the group of people were telling racial jokes and stuff. The wife came over and apologized to him for that. Then he performed for them and got this jacket that the guy had given to him to wear. He went to give it back at the end of the night and the guy told him he couldn't wear it now so he could keep it.
Howard asked Jamie about the girls he had when he was a kid. He said that his first girl was a black girl but he did have some white chicks in his life. He talked about growing up and how his step-father had to go to ''mandatory college'' because of some stuff he'd gotten involved in. That led to Howard going over his history and how he had been adopted by his grandparents and then later found out that his sister was his mother or something like that. Jamie said that the people who adopted his mom had also adopted him. He said that means that legally his mother is his sister.
Howard asked Jamie why he wasn't that close to his mother. He also said that his life is really complicated. Jamie said that he doesn't need therapy or anything because of it. Howard said if his mother wasn't around for him, like Jamie's, he'd need therapy. Jamie said that his mother wasn't around and was about 28 miles away while he was growing up. Howard said that if she was there right now, he'd say something to her about that.
Jamie said that he still stays in touch with his family and gets along with them very well. He said they still celebrate holidays and stuff like that. Howard asked him if his family expects him to pay the bills for them. He said that his family really doesn't know what he makes so he'll get a call from a family member asking him for seventy nine dollars even.
Howard asked Jamie if he has a lot of people like this Minister Farakan asking him to do stuff for him. Jamie said that guy is a great guy in his personal life. Howard also asked Jamie about Michael Vick because he read that he'd grown up around dog fighting himself. Jamie said that's true and he does kind of have to root for the black man when he gets involved in stuff like that. He said that he tries to support OJ but he just keeps fucking things up.
Howard read that Jamie had banged Vita Guerrera but Jamie said he never does celebrities. Howard read that Salma Hayek was with him but he said that she's just a friend. He said that he might have sex with some celebrities but they're not usually in the same business.
Howard read that Jamie changed his name from Eric Bishop to Jamie Foxx because he was looking to get his name chosen by people who thought that he was a woman. He said that they'd pick the women first during improv nights.
Howard read that Jamie hated David Letterman and wouldn't do his show for a while. Jamie said that he was set up and they've since patched up. He said he was a young comedian who wanted to get on Letterman's show. He said that Bill Cosby had done some material about booty calls and stuff. He was going to go on Letterman and do this joke about that. The pre-interviewer told him that was great so he went on the show and was doing great. He figured when he got to that joke he was going to blow the roof off the place. He said he told the joke and then Letterman cut him off and told him to apologize to Bill. He said that was fucked up to have Letterman throw him under the bus like that.
Howard said he had something similar happen to him on Letterman when the OJ Simpson thing went down. He said that he wasn't going to do the show anymore after that because Letterman made him look like a buffoon.
Howard said that Jaime was there to promote this movie ''The Kingdom'' so he got in a plug for that. Jamie talked about that movie for a couple of minutes. Ralph was on the phone so he asked Jamie why he was so shot out of a cannon this morning. Jamie said that he had been up all night people watching at the hotel. Ralph asked him if the Wayans brothers are pissed that he and Jim Carrey are doing as well as they are. Jamie said that the Wayans are doing just fine, they have a ton of money themselves so they're not pissed.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Jamie if he thinks he's the most successful person to come out of In Living Color. Jamie said that he thinks that Jim Carrey is probably the one who is the biggest. He said he went over to Jim's apartment one time and he showed him some clips of ''Pet Detective'' and he knew that he was going to be huge after that. He said that he shook his hand and told him he had to do it then because after that movie came out, he wouldn't get close to him again for at least 10 years.
Howard read that Jamie had tried out for the movie Jerry Maguire but he blew the audition. Jamie said that he went to the audition and they sent him out to New York to read with Tom Cruise. He said he was going toe to toe with Tom out there, telling him he had two houses and stuff. He said he asked Tom where he was living and Tom told him he lives in Rome. He thought that was Rome Street, not Rome Italy.
Jamie said that he kept looking at Tom during the read for the movie. He said that Tom had taken a dramatic pause and he thought he'd lost his place in the script so he pointed out where they were in the script. Tom said he knew where they were at, he was just taking a pause. Jamie said that all of his own lines were really loud while Tom was whispering his lines. He said he just blew the audition. The guy pulled him out of the scene and asked him what the fuck he was doing. He really just blew it. He said that Tom is the coolest dude he's ever met and he was very cool with him.
Howard wrapped up with Jamie and gave him a plug for his movie ''The Kingdom'' which he had actually seen. He said that the movie was very good. Jamie is also doing his show live from SIRIUS tomorrow so he got in a plug for that.
Howard said he saw a clip of Jamie on YouTube where he leveled another comedian who was roasting Shaq. Jamie said that the other guy wasn't doing very well so that's why he did that. Howard thought the guy was doing fine but Jamie said he really wasn't. He said that he was trying to get things rolling and the other guy wasn't too happy about it.
Jamie said that he had a guy throw a chair at him at one roast. He said that the guy really took offense to what he was saying. Howard told Jamie that he's doing very good and gave him a plug for his Foxx Hole channel 106. He said he'll be on tomorrow sometime but he's not even sure what time yet. He said they just have fun and do the show whenever they want. He said that they might go from 2-7 on a Friday and then they throw in some music and a bunch of comedy bits.
Howard wrapped up with Jamie and gave him some plugs for the movie and the radio show again. He asked Jamie what he's doing today. He said he's doing Regis and Conan's shows today. He said he'll go back to his hotel and watch the politicians coming and going in there. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard said someone wrote in and asked if he was going to comment on Fred's new laugh. He apparently has a new laugh that sounds kind of like the Herman Munster laugh he does. Fred said he didn't notice he was doing that. Howard didn't either and said he hadn't picked up on it.
Howard said he was commenting on how you should never leave political bumper stickers on your car because there are maniacs, like Scott DePace, out there who will follow you and do weird stuff. He had a clip of Scott DePace on the Wrap Up Show where he talks about this bumper sticker that drove him nuts. All it said was ''Impeach Bush'' which drove him nuts. He said that it was staring him in the face for an hour and it was really bothering him.
Artie talked to Scott about the bumper sticker and how it shouldn't bother him that much. He said that it shouldn't make him made, it would have to say something personal about him to piss him off. DePace said that he knows the guy is a douche just because of that one aspect of the person.
Scott came into the studio so Howard asked him what's up with getting so upset. Scott said he had no choice but to look at the bumper sticker. Scott said that of course he was pissed off, he had to stare at the sticker. Howard said hat there are guys out there who put political bumper stickers on their cars and then they're surprised when their car gets keyed. There are a lot of mentally ill people out there who will do stuff like that.
Howard said that in a normal world you could put a bumper sticker on your car and not worry. There are a lot of sick people out there and you really have to think about what you put on your car. Howard then read a letter from a woman who said that her daughter has been followed because of her liberal bumper stickers. One person threatened her physically because of her anti-Bush bumper stickers. Scott DePace said he would never do that himself.
Howard said he got a lot of feedback about the Iranian President and what he was saying about that. He said a lot of people agreed with him. He also said that the show ''The Rock of Love'' ripped off the show by doing the Butt Bongo thing. Howard said that people hear them do stuff on the show and then they rip it off from his show thinking that they're doing it themselves. Howard played a clip from the show where Brett Michaels talks about this Butt Bongo thing that they had come up with.
Howard asked if Mark Cronin was involved with that show. Fred said that he is behind it, he just looked it up. Mark used to work with Howard and knows the show very well. Howard said Mark actually worked on Butt Bongo Fiesta. He said that he might want to run that under the show so people know that he invented that.
Howard said that a lot of people liked the Halo 3 giveaway they did yesterday. He read through some of the feedback about that. He said people liked the porn director segment from yesterday as well. He read through a couple of those e-mails. He said some people pointed out what creepy guys those porn directors were.
Howard played a clip where John was going off on Ann Coulter calling her names and reading the notes he had on her. He doesn't really stutter when he's reading and talking about these people. Howard picked up on that and said that he's fine when he's reading but then when he takes calls he can't control himself.
Howard said those remarks were actually John's opening remarks. He played another clip where a caller gave John a F, Marry, Kill game. He gave him Ann Coulter, Dr. Laura and Blue Iris. John was all over the place trying to figure out who he'd marry and F. He said he'd have to kill Ann, F Dr. Laura and marry Blue Iris. He was also asked about Nicole Bass and if he'd do her before Ann Coulter. Howard figured he'd fuck Ann before he'd do Nicole even though he wouldn't admit to it.
Howard played another clip where John gets all pissed off when a caller tells him that maybe if he believed in god he wouldn't have the stutter and he'd get laid. John had the guys cut that guy off because he couldn't get a word in with his stutters.
Howard said they have a lot of shows going on there and got in some plugs for Jackie's Joke Hunt and the Riley Martin Show. Jackie is on at 7, Riley is on at midnight. Howard said the Intern show was on last week and he was about to play some stuff but then he remembered that Lisa G was there. He asked for her to come in but she had already left.
Howard played some clips from the Intern Show where they blasted Lisa G. The interns went off on her for not being easy to talk to. One of the interns said that Lisa acts like she's a little above people and doesn't say much to them when she comes into the office. Some of the interns said that Lisa has been very pleasant with them but the guys seemed to be the ones who weren't treated all that well by her.
Howard played another clip where one of the female interns talked about how she wanted Gary to be her mentor there. She was given an F, Marry, Kill of Jon Hein, Gary and Howard. She said she'd marry Jon, Kill Howard and F-Gary. She said she'd kill off Howard because he has a small penis. Howard jokingly asked if that was their former intern Courtney talking there. He said he was just kidding though. He had to go to break a short time later.
Howard had Nikki Sixx come in after that. He said he came in with a guitar according to Howard. Fred played some ''Girls, Girls, Girls'' as he was making his way to the couch. Nikki said that this place was much nicer than the last place. Howard got into it with Nikki and asked him about the divorce he's going through. Nikki said that he's trying to take the high road in this whole thing but the lawyers will drag stuff out in court. Nikki was married to Donna D'Errico from Baywatch. Howard said that if he can't keep that marriage together, then every marriage is doomed.
Nikki said that this whole thing is a deal breaker for him. He said he's got a very high standard at this time. He's never going to have anymore kids and he's never going to get married again so 90 percent of the chicks will run away when they hear that. He said that he can't see doing that again. Howard told Nikki about how he said the same thing and now he's engaged. Nikki said he won't do that again. He said that he will not get married again and said that if he even mutters the word marriage, his money goes to a hit man and the guy is going to take him out.
Howard said that he thinks Nikki will fall in love again and he will end up getting married. Nikki said that he may fall in love again but he doesn't want to be legally bound in love. Robin said that if you've done it once, your chances of doing it again are good. Nikki said he's already done it twice so he's done. He said he used to think it was something that would last forever. Now he doesn't believe that.
Nikki said that he's really focused on his kids. He's got 4 kids, one with Donna and 3 from the first marriage, and that's his whole focus. He said that he takes care of the kids with 50/50 custody. Nikki also said that he got a vasectomy and asked Howard if he's going to do it. Howard said he'd like to get that done but he's not sure if he can go through with it. Nikki asked Howard how old his kids are. Howard told him he's got a 24, 21 and a 14 year old. He said he's done with having more though. Robin said that he's going to end up having another one.
Howard said Beth brought it up last night and asked if he's really going to get a vasectomy. He said that he's really not having anymore kids. Nikki said that he's going to have a second knot put into his vasectomy so he can make sure he's not going to leak some sperm into his stuff. He said that he and Howard can go through with the whole thing together if he wants.
Howard asked Nikki how bad the pain was. Nikki said that it wasn't all that bad. He told Howard about the procedure and how they cover you with a towel and then put a spotlight on his junk. A nurse grabs his junk and squeezes it. He said the doctors then come in and do their thing while joking around. He said the pain of the needle in his sack was pretty rough but after that it wasn't so bad. Within 2 days he was good to go and back to fuckin'. He said things feel the same and the size of his loads are normal.
Howard asked Nikki how things went bad with the marriage. Nikki said that he had gone back to drinking and doing coke so that was his fault. He said that when he was a kid his father left when he was about 3 years old. He said he got some information about his father that was pretty devastating to him. He said that his mother wasn't there either, she left when he was 6. He said that his life was crazy and messed up as a little kid and that led to him being a very pissed off kid. He ended up running away at 13 and was sleeping in people's cars and stuff. He said he now works with runaway kids and knows what they're going through. He said he knows how they're feeling.
Howard asked Nikki if he's ever seen his father since then. He said he found out years later that he'd died so he went to visit his grave. He said you go through the stages of thinking he was an asshole but maybe his mother drove him away. He's not sure. He said that's the point, he didn't know what was going on there.
Nikki said that he's in touch with his mother now and he has made amends over all of that. He said that his mother has convinced him that she wasn't the problem in the marriage. He said that he helps his grandfather out since he raised him. He said that the band did really well there for a while but something went wrong and he ended up getting addicted to heroin. He cleaned up after that and stayed clean for like 20 years. He said he started using again when he was going through some rough times with Donna. He went into rehab and really got it this time and that's what led to the book.
Howard said that some of the things in the book (The Heroin Diaries: A Year in the Life of a Shattered Rock Star) are very interesting. He said he read that Nikki had banged the wife of the singer from Iron Maiden. Nikki said that he didn't know it was Bruce Dickinson's wife until the next day. He said he thinks that Bruce knew about it before the book came out.
Nikki said that this woman had come over to his hotel room back then and knocked on his window and asked to come in. She came in and jumped his bones and left. The next day he met Bruce and he was introduced to his wife. Nikki said that moment in time froze and he doesn't even remember what happened at that point.
Howard asked Nikki more about his marriage and what went wrong there. Nikki said that the lawyers really dragged stuff out in court that he didn't want to bring up. They made him talk about this stuff though. He said he doesn't like it at all. Howard asked Nikki if he had a pre-nup with Donna. Nikki said he didn't and asked Howard if he had one with his wife. Howard said he didn't because he got married at 23, he had nothing to lose at that point.
Howard read that Nikki's mother was screwing Richard Pryor back when he was a kid and he used to come over. Nikki said that it was right around 1965-67 or so and it was in the middle of the whole peace and love thing. He said that he talked to his mother about it and she said that it was pretty wild at that time for a white woman to date a black man. They had trouble getting into some places because of that.
Howard asked Nikki about his love of vomiting. He read that Nikki liked to go into a closet in his house where he'd do his drugs. Nikki said he wouldn't vomit in there, he'd make it to the bathroom. He said that heroin makes you throw up, so does cocaine when you inject it. He said he was doing that stuff in any way he could. The guys spent some time talking about the drug use and how the coke almost always makes you puke.
Howard read some stuff from Nikki's book where he talks about the puking thing. He would drink tons of water before doing the coke and then puke it up. He said that there is no enjoyment in the addiction thing. He said that's what he tries to tell these kids that he deals with.
Howard read one thing about Nikki using toilet water to cut his drugs one time. Nikki said that it's awful but he had to go into a bathroom stall to shoot up. Howard said that it seemed like Nikki was trying to kill himself and wondered if he ever got sick from doing stuff like that. Nikki said he just had his blood work done recently and he's fine. He said they did a body scan and the doctor was amazed that he's fine.
Howard said that Nikki had technically died one time so he wondered if that's what he was going for. Nikki said it was just a sad story. He was doing really well with the band back then and that's what he was doing with his life. He said that now he donates money to Covenant House and tries to help out the kids who are running away.
Howard read that Nikki had gotten beaten with a bat to get brought back to life after he had passed out one time. Nikki claims that when he died, he saw himself in the bed from above. Nikki said that he later felt like he could see the whole thing. He blurted that out on Behind the Music and knew that he was going to end up talking about that for the rest of his life. Howard asked him if he believes in life after death. Nikki paused for a second and said ''I'm not sure.'' Howard said he doesn't believe it at all. Nikki said he doesn't believe that there's a heaven or hell but maybe there's something out there bigger than all of us. He said that the closest he could believe is maybe reincarnation but he doesn't really know.
Howard read that Nikki was close to spending $140,000 a year on drugs back in 1987. He was told that if he kept that up he'd be broke. That helped snap him out of it.
Howard asked Nikki about the stuff he did with the chicks and if he thinks about that stuff and how his daughter could end up doing that kind of thing. He said that his 13 year old kind of blossomed this summer and it did freak him out when he saw her all dressed up and going out with her other 13 year old friend. He said that he didn't want to let her go out that night and told her she was grounded.
Howard asked Nikki about shooting up into his penis. Nikki said that there was an accessible vein there so that's where he shot up. Howard figured he had a big cock of he could do that but Nikki said he's like a light switch. He said that he is a grower though. He's not huge but it does grow.
Howard asked Nikki about the chicks he's banged and if he names any of the really famous chicks he had. He wasn't going to get into those names so Howard asked him what's up with the band now. Tommy Lee has quit the band so he's out now. Nikki said that they had this manager working with the band and he started to demand more money to have Tommy in it with them. The guy kept demanding more money and they ended up suing the guy because of what he was doing. He said they lost 10s of millions of dollars because Tommy was out doing solo stuff. He said that guy cost them a lot of money so they had to sue him. Tommy pulled out of the band because of that and the battle is still going on. He said you'd think that Tommy would support the band but that's not the case. Nikki said that Tommy isn't the singer or song writer so they should be fine without him. He said he has nothing against him though.
Howard asked Nikki about the heroin thing and if he still feels like he needs it. Nikki said he doesn't feel that at all. He told Howard that last night he came in and slept for like 8 or 9 hours and his head was spinning but he's glad that he doesn't feel like crap anymore. He said that the rehab he went to was really good for him and they really straightened him out. He said that he had to find out what was at the core of his addiction and that's what he did.
Richard Christy came in and said that they have something in common. Nikki said he didn't like the way he was smiling. Richard then said that he heard that Nikki wouldn't shower for weeks back when they were touring. Nikki said that was because he was wasted. He told Richard that he has a problem, a serious problem, if he's not showering. He told him to go to SA, Showers Anonymous.
Howard gave Nikki another plug for his book and said he'd be signing it at a book store tonight. Nikki then told Howard a story about giving the book to someone to read and to let him know if he had gone too far with it. His friends told him that the book would scare the shit out of the kids who would read it at Covenant House.
Richard was still on the not showering thing and said he heard that Nikki and Tommy used to have contests to see who could go without showering the longest and still get chicks. He heard that Nikki won that contest. Nikki said he thinks he did win that one. They spent a couple of minutes talking about that before Howard moved on.
Howard played a track off of Nikki's album ''The Heroin Diaries Soundtrack.'' The song was ''Life is Beautiful.'' Nikki then gave Howard a guitar which was a limited edition. Howard started to play a little bit but it was out of tune. Howard thanked him for that and then had him put it back in the case. Howard gave him a couple more plugs and tried to wrap up the interview. Nikki told Howard he loves this new studio and loves coming in and talking to them.
Richard asked Nikki if they're still making a movie out of the book ''The Dirt: Confessions of the World's Most Notorious Rock Band'' which was about the band. Nikki said that it is going to be a movie but it's very difficult to make a good movie so it's going to take a long time. They spent a short time on that and then wrapped up and went to break.
Scott came in and said that he only said it on the Wrap Up show but then it turned into him having told Robin and Gary the same thing off the air. Scott said that he puts in 60-70 hours a week working on the show and he also helped design the studio without getting paid. (This was later discussed and Scott was actually saying he worked 60-70 hours for free on the studio, not 60-70 hours a week. Sorry Scott.)
Howard told Scott he had another copy of Halo 3 to give away but he has to do something. He told him that he has to tell Jason 5 positive things about him while looking at him in the face and then tell him he loves him. Scott said he can't do that. He didn't have 5 things that he could come up with. Jason came in and said that last time he told him he had no redeeming qualities. Scott said it wasn't worth it to do that. He said he'd rather go and drive to 10 stores to find the game himself. He's not going to lie and make up nice things about Jason.
Scott said there are some things that Jason has done to him that he can't forgive him for. Gary said that Scott said that when he plays Halo 3, he's going to pretend that Jason is one of the guys he's shooting. Howard asked Scott if there's a price for hugging Jason and making up with him. Scott said that would probably be $500. He said that he can't see doing anything nice for Jason otherwise. He said that his attack on his Video Caddy was just wrong. Jason laughed when he heard that. Scott said that it wasn't cool to bad mouth his product when they don't do that to anyone else on the show. Robin said they used to do that with Jackie all the time.
Jason asked Scott to forget he's Jewish for a second and come up with some nice things to say. Scott said that he'd have to really scratch his head there. He wasn't able to come up with anything nice to say about him. Howard told Scott to name 5 qualities in Jason that he hopes his son has. Scott said he won't have anything to do with his son if he turns out like Jason. Then it came up that Jason is straight so that's one thing. Scott also said that Jason really does try to play sports even though he's not that athletic. Scott said that Jason also graduated college, so that's another good thing. He was up to three things so far. He said that Jason has a strong work ethic which is good.
Scott was up to four things so far. He said he'd hate to blow it there. He thought about it a little more and tried to come up with more stuff. Robin helped him but Howard disqualified that because she was helping him. Jason was happy with the four things and Scott not getting the game. Scott then said that he can read but that didn't fly. Scott tried and tried to come up with something but nothing was popping up. He said ''He uh...'' and had nothing. Howard told Scott he could have that copy of Halo 3 with just one more thing. Scott said that Jason has led a life that must have been difficult but he is cool enough to like the Howard Stern Show. That was lame according to Gary. Howard said this was like pulling teeth and gave it to Scott. Then the two shook hands. Jason tried to hug him but Scott punched him and didn't go there.
Howard gave Scott the game and Robin asked him if he feels better. He said he didn't. Jason said it'll be amazing if Scott finds time to play that game while he's working that 60-70 hours a week.
Steve said that they've been looking into the Benjy Bronk Wikipedia page bio and someone there at SIRIUS has been trying to change his bio over there. They believe that the person doing that is Benjy under the name ''Accurate Media.'' Benjy said that he doesn't know what Steve is talking about, he's not making those changes.
Steve said that Ronnie is collecting some money for the t-shirts that Bubba The Love Sponge is selling with the ''Lets Fuck Some Whores'' comments on them. Steve also said that High Pitch Mike is still upset about the discussion he had earlier in the morning with Howard. They'll have his ''Lowdown with High Pitch Mike'' today on Howard 100 News.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who said that he was watching some Howard TV but wasn't able to find the Daniel Carver Cribs show. Howard asked the guys if it was still up there. Gary said he was checking into it, he didn't have an answer yet.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that Scott DePace's behavior is mind blowing. She said that Jason is such a nice guy and Scott should be more mature over that. She also said that she sent a letter on Beth's behalf to Richard Johnson about what he wrote about them. She said that she's working on a show trying to get an interview with Cameron Diaz and wanted some questions to ask. Howard hung up on her and told her to come up with her own questions.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked Robin if she was attracted to Nikki Sixx. That led to Howard asking Robin who she finds more attractive, Nikki or Jim Florentine. She didn't answer and said there can be more than one good looking guy. Fred was doing his Jim impression not letting Robin answer. She eventually said that Jim is a better looking guy. Howard said she must have gone out on a date already. She denied that had happened though.
A caller told Howard not to get a vasectomy because he had one done and he had problems. He said he had problems for years because of it. The sperm were building up in his balls and they swelled up to the size of a handball. Howard thanked him for that and then got back to Robin and asked her if Jim is better looking than Jamie Foxx. Robin said that Jim was better looking. Howard said she had to have banged him.
Jon Hein came in and said that they'll be talking about Jamie Foxx's interview on the Wrap Up Show today. They'll also talk about Nikki Sixx and the stuff they covered in his interview. He said they'll also talk about Artie not coming in and about Benjy's revelation about not being with Sheila anymore.
Howard got back on the subject of Benjy and said that it's so tough to talk to him. He said that no one cares to hear his shtick and he should just answer honestly. He told him he was done with him anyway. Benjy said that he always cuts him off when he tries to answer if he doesn't like what he's hearing. Howard ended it with Benjy again and had Robin get into her news.
Robin went through some of the new TV shows that are coming up this season. They talked about Heroes a little bit but Howard had missed the episode. He said there were some people on the phone who wanted to talk about it but he didn't want to spoil anything before seeing it himself.
The guys talked about some other shows like Survivor as well. Howard said he got so bored with the show that he's not going to watch it at all this season. He's tired of the same thing year after year. He said he can only watch so much TV anyway. He said he will be watching ''Smallville'' and he will check out ''The Bionic Woman.'' He's also been into ''Tell Me You Love Me'' lately.
Fred did his Jim Florentine impression a little more during the news and had some fun with Robin. Howard kept on her about that subject and continued to ask her if she had gone out with him or not. She was still denying that she had gone out with Jim.
Howard asked Robin who she found hotter and when she said that Jim was better looking than KC, Howard said she had to have gone out with Jim if that's what she thinks. He thinks that Jim has had sex with her and gone down on her if she thinks he's better looking than KC. Robin said that she never thought KC was all that hot. She also said that Jim is better looking than Steve O and Robin used to say that Steve O was hot. Robin picked Tom Chiusano in his prime over Jim and also picked Matthew Modine over Jim. She picked Richard Gere over him as well. Howard still thinks that she had to have gone out with Jim but Robin was still denying it. Howard said he thinks that Jim has keys to her home at this point.
Howard had Robin wrap up her news and ended the show around 10:55am.
Howard started off the show saying he's going to call Scott the Engineer to find out how his hernia operation went. He hasn't been in all week because of that. He said he had the operation on Monday so he's going to give him a call today to find out if he's doing okay. He figured that if Scott died Robin wouldn't even notice.
Howard said that Artie is back but he got an e-mail from someone saying that he was out at a Bruce Springsteen concert in Asbury Park the other day. The guy claimed that he had pictures of him there. Artie said that's bullshit and he wasn't there.
Gary came in and said that Scott the Engineer had to have more operations than he was supposed to. He was in worse shape then he thought he was.
Artie said he had a pretty bad experience himself the other day. He said he's been eating the worst food and the other day he had two double cheeseburgers at Burger King and then went to McDonalds and had another burger and then a meatball parm sandwich at home.
Robin asked him what he actually had at Burger King. He said he had two double cheeseburgers and a shake with no fries. That's basically like two full cheeseburgers. Then, later in the afternoon, he ran out and passed by a McDonalds and had some more food. Howard said that he really should have just had the fries because it's not going to make much of a difference. Artie said he figured he could go for a quarter pounder with cheese at McDonalds. That was about 5 hours after the Burger King thing. He said he went and got the Quarter Pounder with cheese, small fries and a Coke with a lot of ice.
Howard asked Artie if he knows how much sugar is in a Coke. Artie didn't know so Howard told him it's like 7 teaspoons. They talked about that and about some of the huge drinks that they sell at 7-11 and places like that. Artie talked about how they make the cups in a way that they'll fit a regular cup holder at the bottom but the top of the cup is giant so they can fill it with a ton of soda.
Artie got back to his story and talked about the meatball parm that he had after the McDonalds food on Monday night. He said that it may have been sitting out for a while the day before. He did put it in the refrigerator though. He said he went and laid down around 10 that night and watched some stuff on TV. He said he couldn't sleep and got up around 3 in the morning. He was feeling pretty crappy so he got up to go to the bathroom. It's set up so he can almost puke and shit at the same time in there.
Artie said he did throw up a couple of times and he figured that the neighbors could hear him puking. He went back to bed and ended up getting the shivers. He got up around 5 and puked again and he was looking yellowish-green. He thought his liver might be failing or something. Artie said he took his temperature with an ear thermometer and found that it was 100.7. He said he wasn't sure if that was right or not so he called in sick.
Artie tried to go back to sleep and then called his mother and told her what's going on. She told him that there are some people who got E. coli from hamburgers lately. She told him he was going to die from that. She called the doctor and the guy told him to come over so he could see him. He drove over to the guy's office and he told him that he may have had a touch of food poisoning. He just had to wait it out and try to make him throw up as much as possible. He didn't have any E. coli poisoning though.
Artie said the doctor asked him to stay there so he could keep an eye on him. He works out of a house so he had his grandkids there and stuff like that. Artie said he gave him another Tylenol after about 4 hours and that brought the temperature down. He sent him home after that and he puked about another 3 or 4 times after that. Artie said he was told to force it if he had to so he did that by sticking his fingers down his throat.
Howard said he's never stuck his fingers down his throat to make himself puke. Artie said he's dome that a lot. He said that when he gets the bed spins, he has to make himself throw up to get it out. He said he's probably done that 50 times in his life. He said he went to bed last night around 10 and he's doing okay today. He said he hardly ate anything yesterday though. He wasn't able to keep anything down.
Artie said he thinks that it was the leftover meatball sandwich he had that did it. Robin asked him why he ate something that wasn't fresh. Artie said it seemed like a waste to throw it out. He figured that he would have lost some weight from throwing up too.
King of All Blacks told Artie that Diabetes might just hit him like a brick wall. Artie said he is afraid of that. King said that it's not genetic either, he said that it's the bread and sugar that's going to get him. He said that some people can eat that stuff and nothing will happen to them. King said he got Diabetes and felt like he had pins pricking him in the arm. The next week he was peeing a lot and had to have a bucket next to the bed.
Artie said that his doctor took some blood but King told him that won't show up in his blood tests. He said that it'll only show up if he has it. You either have it or you don't according to King.
King also asked Howard how he'd like to go out of this world. Howard said he'd like to have a long life with some down years where he's not working. Then he'd like to die in his sleep. Howard let him go after that so he could take some other calls.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he watched Heroes last night. Howard said he did see it and also watched a bunch of other TV shows like The Bachelor. He talked about that show and Artie threw in a mention for the war show he's been watching lately. Howard said he thought Heroes was good but he doesn't like the story line with the Chinese kid. He said he's trapped in the past and it's just annoying.
Howard said that Dancing with the Stars and The Biggest Loser were both on. Beth wanted to watch Dancing with the Stars so that's what they watched. Robin said that the Biggest Losers don't change all that much from week to week. Howard told her she has to wait until the final episode to see the big changes.
Howard talked about how Scott DePace had won the copy of Halo 3 by saying five nice things about Jason. He had a tough time coming up with anything. Howard also said that Scott had claimed that he worked 60-70 hours a week on the show so Jason wrote him a note and said he couldn't believe that. Scott came in and said that he never said that, he just said he put in 50-60 hours designing the studio.
Jason went to pull the tape and Howard stayed on the story. Howard said he'll apologize if the tape proves differently. Jason said that if Scott was working that many hours a week he'd be working 5:30 in the morning until 10pm from Monday to Thursday since they have off on Friday. Howard said that they're going to find out if he said it or not when Jason gets the tape.
Howard asked Scott if he played Halo 3 yesterday. Scott said he did but Howard figured he wouldn't have time to do that if he were working 70 hours a week. Gary said he heard that Scott had trouble figuring out if he should watch baseball or play the game. Scott said he played the game for about an hour on the internet.
Howard said he was late for work today because he was playing chess this morning. He said he was very embarrassed by that. He said he was 10 minutes late which is unusual for him. He said that he had learned a new opening so he had to try it out. He played a couple of blitz games and ended up playing a couple. He said that he looked at his clock and saw it was 5:10 already so he was running late.
Howard said that people are nuts online with these games. He played against one guy who ended up giving him a bunch of ''Ha ha ha has'' and goofed on him about how he takes too long to think. He said he was going to turn the guy in after that. He said that he told the guy that he was Bobby Fisher and tried to calm him down. He said he's never going to play that guy again. He said he should have told the guy ''Ha ha ha, I'm going to go fuck my model girlfriend!'' or something like that.
Artie asked Scott how long he thinks it would take to teach him or Benjy how to direct the show. Scott said it would take 10 years. He said that it wouldn't be that hard during a show where there's not much going on. It's the other shows that are tough when they have a lot going on. Artie wanted to try out some directing but Scott was insulted by the line of questioning. He seems to believe that it's very hard work.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Scott's job isn't hard and he's on SternFanNetwork all day long. He went off on him for a couple of minutes. Scott didn't want to deal with it and seemed to want Howard to hang up on the guy. Howard took some more phone calls from some people and ended up saying that Artie called him and thanked him for giving him a job because now he's got a book deal. He told Artie that it wasn't necessary.
A couple more callers told Scott to go back and direct the show. They would insult him about his job and then Scott would ask what they do for a living. One guy he asked ''What do you do, dig ditches?'' like there's something wrong with that.
Howard asked Scott what his online name is when he plays Halo 3. He said that it's DukerDog but his friends list is full right now.
Gary came in and said that he has tape of Scott saying what he said and that guy, MarksFriggin, heard it the same way Jason heard it. He played the clip and Scott actually said that it was 60-70 hours that he had worked on the studio without getting paid. Howard apologized to Scott and so did some of the other people in there. That led to the guys talking about what Jason was saying about Scott on the Wrap Up Show yesterday. Howard played some of that show where Jason was calling Scott stupid and how he can't get any thoughts out on his own.
Jason said that he apologizes to Scott if that's what he was really saying yesterday. He didn't think that was the way it came out. Scott refused to accept his apology and pushed his hand away when he went to shake it.
Bubba said that they're in radio and big time Hollywood names don't matter. They don't raise subscribers and people don't give a fuck. He said they got him for pennies on the dollar a couple of years ago and now they need to come up with some good money.
Howard said he really thinks that they should pay Bubba and they're not getting paid very well right now. He thinks that they should keep him there. Howard played more of the Bubba stuff where he was talking about the kind of money they gave to Martha Stewart. He said that they gave her 40 million and he's not even looking for that much. He said that he'd like to have that much but he doesn't need it.
Howard said that there are a lot of deals that must be put on hold with this whole satellite radio merger thing being held up. He said that might be one of the reasons Bubba is being held up. He said he read an article about the merger where they say that there have been a lot of comments and notes being sent out about the merger that are anti-merger. He said that these people are sending in form letters and the split is still 50/50 or so.
Howard said that he really hopes the merger goes through. He said he knows that Tim is upset with Bubba about the rant. Tim came in and said that it can really upset some of the guys there that are going to be doing the negotiations and he really can't go off on them on the air like that. Tim said he's working on Bubba's behalf and trying to help him out but it's very difficult when he does what he does on the air.
Tim said that Bubba is basically drawing a line in the sand with those comments. He said he called Bubba after that rant and didn't get a call back from him. He said that he's working to keep the channels going there and he really wants Bubba to stay there. He said they need to discuss things calmly though. He said they're all there for the same benefit and they all want to make money. He said they need to talk though. He said he'll talk to Bubba this morning about the whole thing.
Howard asked Tim if he's still going to the gym. Tim said he is so Howard ended up talking to him about the amount of food he eats. Tim said he eats a lot of stuff all day long. Artie told him not to admit or deny it and had a mouth full of bagel as he was saying it. Artie said he also had some Hawaiian Punch to go along with that.
Howard had Brent on the phone and Brent said that it's a lot more complicated than Tim is making it seem. He can't talk about it on the air though. Tim said that all of the issues are workable and solvable. Brent said that there are some major, major issues that they need to take care of. Howard said that it was good radio from his perspective. He said he knows for a fact that Tim is working very hard on this. Brent said he knows that but there are things that really complicate things. He didn't want to talk about it on the air because he didn't want to give it away.
Brent said that yesterday he got a call from a client who said that their sales people are saying that they've turned down a couple of offers and that they've turned them down. Howard said that's all heresy though and they can't start listening to that stuff. Brent said that's just one small issue. There are other things that they've been dealing with for about a year now and it has nothing to do with money at all.
Tim said that they have to focus on their situation and let the agent represent them so they can work that stuff out. Tim thinks that they need to focus on delivering the best radio they can. Brent said that's what they're doing but there are still things they have in the way that make it very difficult.
Howard said he hopes things work out. Brent said he has no doubt that it will work out eventually. Robin told him to keep it off the air then. Howard said he thinks that guys like Bubba are the future of satellite radio. They need people who can do 4 hours of interesting radio every day. He said that he'd rather not be around if the guys aren't happy working there. He said he's been saying this for six months and he doesn't want to do two channels if they're not going to keep these people there. He said that they're good dudes and they're loyal to the show so he doesn't get what the beef is.
Howard said that maybe they have to look at the way other shows are performing there and maybe see that Bubba and his show are keeping people listening while others aren't. He said he knows that management is looking to turn a profit and all of that. He said he knows that some people don't want to be pushed up against the wall and forced to do things. He said that Tim is trying to work all of that out and he knows how to do stuff like that. He's been very wise when it comes to programming the channels there. He said that Tim is doing things very professionally there.
Artie said that Tim saying that these are workable issues that were created by man and can be fixed by man, was some real middle management bullshit right there. Tim said that this whole thing has been incredible there and they're having a good time doing all of this. He was asking Brent to grab hands and move forward with them.
Howard told Brent that he hopes that things work out. He hopes that the negotiations go better than Tim's diet. Brent said that everything is going fantastic otherwise. He said that he's still fighting in his martial arts thing. Tim said that he's looking lean and mean these days. Brent said that he's going to be fighting at 170 pounds and the guy he lost to was much bigger than him. Howard said that was a big mismatch that he had. He said he knew he was fucked when he saw the other guy step over the top rope to get into the ring. He ended up knocking him down after about one punch.
Howard asked Brent who put that fight together. Brent said it was the promoter who did it and he just threw two mismatched guys into the ring. Tim said that the thing is that Brent didn't step down, he got right in there and fought the guy. Brent said that he stumbled when he got knocked down and the ref called the fight. He said he actually got a shin to the forehead and that's what did it to him. He said that he got kicked so hard that he had an indent on his head even though he had headgear on.
Howard let Brent go after that and played a little more of Bubba's rant. Bubba was talking about how much he loves his job and told management to just pay them and stop being a bunch of little fucks. He said he knows that there are hundreds of thousands of people who listen to his show and he knows that for sure. He said that he knows that if they don't keep him there, he knows that they'll lose tens and tens and tens of millions of dollars.
Howard said that Bubba really isn't making good money doing this. He has to pay his guys himself and he had to build his own studio too. He said Bubba was on the balls of his ass back when they signed him and they got him cheap.
Howard mentioned that Jerry Rice was coming in today and Artie was excited about that. He didn't want to think of him as the guy from Dancing with the Stars though. He talked about his football history instead. The guys talked about the new Dancing with the Stars season and how they have a boxer on there that's a really good dancer. Fred has been watching and talked a little bit about him. Artie sounded shocked that Fred was actually into that show.
The guys talked about Wayne Newton dancing on that show and how they were being really nice to him with their comments. They spent a couple of minutes on that before Howard went to break.
Howard said that some of the guys from the Jackass show are kind of worried about Steve-O. Artie said that he wants to find out if Steve-O even remembers the last time he saw him because he was really out of it. He had a bunch of stuff to get to but he had Lisa G to get to.
Sal said he was on the web and said he was looking for Seth McFarlane's e-mail address. He said he wasn't asking Jason for it, he was looking for it on the web. He said he was asking Jason, that if he had it, could he pass it along. He wasn't looking for private information. Howard said that he heard that Sal is going around trying to fuck with Artie by getting jobs like that to mess with Artie. Sal said he wanted to do some of this stuff as a goof but he's not hounding anyone.
Gary asked Sal what he would have written to Seth if he had found the e-mail address. Sal said he was just going to tell him that they were fans of his show and they heard that Seth is a fan of Howard's show. He said he never wrote to the guy and said it wasn't a priority of his. Jason said he was told he wanted to write to him and he did say that he wanted a part on the show.
Sal said that he and Richard wanted to prove that they could get a legitimate job on a show like Entourage to prove that Artie was wrong when he said they could never do that. They were going to try and do that and the Family Guy thing to prove Artie wrong. Howard cut him off and got rid of him because he had to move along.
Lisa G said that they have a story about the journalist who is helping Artie out with his book. They also have a story about the high bidder on the charity auction for the visit to the show. That person bid $101,000 on that auction.
Steve was all over the place with the story so Howard tried to reel him in. Steve said he knows that he's a can of worms and that's why he comes in there. Steve said that now they have to pay them each $50,000 to be in the video game. He said that he loves being in the game but it's nothing new to him.
Steve said that they showed him this game for the first time and it was such bullshit, it was obvious that they had nothing to do with the creation of it. He said that the game could have been a lot funnier if they had something to do with it. He said that he'd rather be remembered for doing some great shit.
Steve said that the last time he saw Artie he told him he looked fantastic even though he was falling apart. Howard interrupted him and said that he had Johnny Knoxville and Bam on the show not too long ago, and they're both worried about him. Steve was laughing like crazy this morning and he didn't sound too sober.
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