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Howard started off the show saying that there might be something wrong with the audio there in the studio. He thought the right side was off. Fred said it sounded fine to him but Howard thought the balance was off in his headphones. He had to try and fix it because it was driving him nuts. He said it was better when he reversed the headphones. Scott the Engineer came in to check things out so Fred and Howard were goofing on him about how skinny he's gotten. They said he could barely walk and looked so hungry. That led to them talking about how much Benjy was eating over at Gary's house over the weekend.
Howard got the headphone's fixed by Scott and he said he wants people to leave things alone in his studio. He and Scott spent a short time messing with the settings trying to get it back to the way it used to be. Howard was directing him how to get it back and asked why people have to touch his shit. He said the audio was terrible and he was getting aggravated. He said that the equipment had to have been changed and someone should be fired.
The guys talked about how just about anyone could bowl if they played it enough. Artie thinks that if Michael Jordan did it, he could be the best bowler around because it's not as technical as Baseball. Scott challenged him to a game so Artie said he could do that if he could practice for about 2 months. Scott said he'd even spot him 75 pins. Artie said that sounded good to him. Scott said he's never bowled a 300 but he has done a 290 and his average is a 206 which Artie thought was pretty good. A phone caller said that 206 is actually pretty good.
Scott said that going out bowling during the week is kind of tough for him. He has to get up very early in the morning to get into work. Howard asked if there are any hot women at the bowling alley when he's there. He said there are none because it's a men's league that he plays in. Robin asked him why he didn't take that up as a profession if he's so good at it. Scott said there's a lot to it like traveling and touring the country and he just never got into it.
Scott was explaining the bowling stuff to Howard and the guys. He was talking about the different weight balls and things like that. The guys talked about how women and men's bowling is quite a bit different. Howard said he thought that a female pro could do just as well as a man but Scott disagreed. Robin even said that women have different bodies and just can't do the same things that men can so they are going to be different at bowling. That led to Howard asking Scott if he thinks he could beat a pro female bowler. Scott said that would be tough and he probably couldn't. Artie gave him a little nudge and said that he should say that he could beat anyone. Scott did that but it wasn't very convincing.
A phone caller said there was only one way Scott could have bowled a 290 and that would be throwing 11 strikes and then a gutter ball. Scott said that's not true and he bowled a 9 in the first frame and then bowled 11 strikes after that. He's done that twice.
Wheels called in and said that he'd bowl against Scott but Howard said they really don't care. Scott didn't really want to bowl a handicapped guy. Howard let Wheels go even though it sounded like he thought he could beat him.
Howard said he was worried about Artie at Gary's house the other night because he didn't think they were getting enough food. He said some people went out and got something to eat after Gary's meal because the portions were so small.
Howard said he went out to see Adam Carolla's new movie on Thursday night and it turns out the movie is really good. He said it was surprising because he made it for $850,000. He said he took Robin out to dinner after that. He also mentioned that Artie wasn't at the movie and that was because he had to go out and shoot some scenes for ''Rescue Me.'' Artie said that he did a full blown sex scene for the show. He explained what the scene was and how he gets caught in bed with this chick. He said that this actress is really beautiful but he couldn't remember her last name. He said he has a new amount of respect for porn guys because they're actually able to get a hard-on.
Artie said he's supposed to be naked in the scene and just covers himself up with a blanket. He said he asked not to have to wear these ''nudity briefs'' which make it look like you're naked. He asked to just wear boxer shorts instead. The guys showed Howard a picture of the chick Artie did it with, Susan Misner, and he said she was very cute. He said that she looks really good on the internet.
Artie said he actually wrapped his penis in an ace bandage so he wouldn't get a boner. He said that turned out not to be a problem because he couldn't get it up at all even when she was riding him. He said that she has her skirt hiked up in the scene and he gets to see her stomach and she was really hot but he just didn't get hard for her. She was really rubbing him a lot and it looked like they were really having sex. He didn't tell her that he had the bandage on his dick though. He said there's no way he could have gotten a boner in front of all of the sweaty guys behind the scenes there. Howard said he had a boner the whole time he was shooting his movie. He told Artie he should have just told the chick that there was a chance he'd get hard for her.
Artie said he plays the cousin of this guy on the show and he eventually looks back and sees this guy but the director let the scene go on for about a minute. He said the chick put her face down toward his face so he went into a kiss and she pulled back. He said she found that to be more intimate than rubbing on him. Howard wanted to know how he put the ace bandage on his dick, he wanted him to demonstrate that. Artie said that he wanted to be sure he didn't get a hard-on so that's why he did that bandage thing.
Fred said that Betty (Thomas) had to send Howard off the set at one point to get him to calm down with the boner thing. He didn't have a problem getting it up on the set. Robin said she was on the set one time and saw Howard doing the bathtub scene where he was in his underpants and he had to double himself over to hide his erection.
Artie said he couldn't touch the chick because he was just too fat. Howard told him that this is what you get into acting for and he should have taken advantage of it. He told Artie that he took advantage of Mary McCormack when he was in the love scenes with her in Private Parts. He was feeling her up the whole time and he let her know that's what he was going to do. Artie said that he did have his hand on this chick's waist. Howard brought up the ace bandage thing and said that maybe if he had it out, he could have slipped it in at some point. He said it would be funny if that did happen and Artie had to apologize for coming inside of her. Artie asked if Craft Services had a morning after pill available. Artie said he had to shoot the scene 5 or 6 times and he told her that she'd probably win an Emmy for that because she seemed to be into him in the scene.
Howard said that he went to see this Adam Carolla movie ''The Hammer'' and they really liked it. Robin was into it as well. He said that he thought they were just going to see a screening of the movie but it turned out to be a whole red carpet thing. He said after that he took Robin and Ralph out to dinner. Ralph was Robin's date because Robin is no longer with Mr. X. They went to The Waverly and ran into Michael J. Fox. He said he just said hello and didn't get a chance to talk to him all that much. He was there with his wife. Artie said it was nice that the guy is actually able to get out. Robin said he's not Steven Hawking, he can still get around. That led to Howard talking about how Hawking was all over the news when he went out and floated around in this zero gravity thing. They talked about that for a short time and he said he feels bad for that guy.
Howard got back to Artie's hard-on and asked him if he brought the bandage with him or if he had to ask for it. Artie said he brought it with him. He said he once had a raging hard-on on MAD TV and it was very embarrassing for him so that's why he wanted to keep it covered up. He said that he's able to put the bandage around his waist to keep it down. Howard didn't get how he was able to put it on and keep it there. Artie said it just works and it's an added obstacle for his cock.
Howard asked Artie how he thought of using that ace bandage on his cock. He said he just dreamt it up all by himself. Howard said it would be funny if his cock ripped through the bandage. Artie said that would have been pretty amazing. He would have liked that to have happened. Howard said they would have had to have called his cock the Incredible Hulk. Robin told him they'd have to call him Dick Banner.
Eric asked Artie which of these three losers will be fired next and rattled off a couple of sports guys and Artie for his next acting job. Artie said it would probably be him in his next acting job. The guys asked Eric why he brought up sports when they were busy talking about porn. That led to Howard asking him if he got his porn delivery yet. Eric said he did get it and he threw out the gay porn movie they sent. He said he checked out one of the movies which featured Brandy Taylor. He said that movie was ''Gigantic Titties 2.'' He claimed he didn't jerk off but Fred did his impression of him and said that he humped his bed ten times.
Howard said Eric has a problem, he can't jerk off to his computer because his roommate could see him. He said that Eric watches porn and stores it up in his head. Eric said that he's actually got the computer in his room and it's near his door which may not have a lock on it. He said his roommate sometimes just comes into the room without knocking. Howard told him to just tell him not to do that.
Howard asked Eric if he ever thinks that the garbage man is going to find the gay porn and think he's gay. Eric said he's not worried about that because the porn ends up in a dumpster that's not just his. Howard said that someone could trace it back to him with his fingerprints. Eric said his roommate opened the box and threw it out so his fingerprints would be on it instead. He said the guy took it out during the night to throw it out so no one would see him. Artie jokingly said that gay porn gets all over the place like dog shit does. He said he would drive like 8 miles away to get rid of something like that just to make sure it's not traced back to him. He and Howard were talking about how he could have taken it out and disposed of it by dumping it in the water with chains and weights tied to it.
Howard asked Eric more about the gay porn and how long it was actually in the house. Eric said that it was in there maybe an hour. Artie said that's about 59 minutes and 59 seconds longer than it would have been in his house. Eric said it just sat in a box the whole time it was in the apartment. His roommate told him he'd throw it out when it got dark out. He then told Howard that he's pretty sure that he took the label off the box that he threw out. He wasn't positive about that so Howard told him he could still be linked to that gay porn.
Howard asked Eric if he saw the box with the gay porn in it. Eric said he saw a little bit of it but not a lot. Howard said he had to have checked out the whole box and saw the cock on the back of the box. Eric claimed he didn't but Howard thinks he had to have been a little interested in seeing it. Eric said he just saw the name of the actors and that was it. Howard said he could see Eric's gay porn box with his last name laying in the garbage and the garbage men talking about him.
Artie said that Eric always wanted his name changed so now that wish has come true and it's Eric the Gay Midget because of this gay porn thing. Howard asked Eric more about the porn he watched, ''Gigantic Titties 2'' and how much of it he got to watch. Eric said he watched the whole thing but didn't beat off to it. Eric interrupted and said that his roommate told him that he ripped up the shipping label for the gay porn so no one would know where it went. Fred said that never happened and the guy probably just threw it out in the garbage and the garbage men are going to find it. Eric said that Fred doesn't know what he's talking about.
Howard said it would be great if the garbage man found the gay porn and came up to his apartment and told him he had seen that one as well. He asked Eric what he liked about that ''Gigantic Titties'' movie he watched. Eric said he liked when a guy was tittie fucking her. He said he doesn't concentrate on the guy's cock though. Artie said Eric was protesting too much now and had to have been watching that part. Howard asked Eric how he watched the whole porn and didn't even beat off. Eric said he held off until later and just let the boner go away after watching the movie.
Howard figured that Eric held off until later before he beat off in his PJ pants. Eric said that's what he did. They talked about how Eric blows his load in his underwear and doesn't change out of them. Eric said it didn't take him long to get off after seeing that porn movie. Howard said they should have a TV built into Eric's headboard so he can watch porn while fucking his bed. He asked Eric if he's ever been able to beat off while watching a porn. Eric said he has but he can't do it every time. Artie told him they have to send Eric to the W hotel and let him do it there because they have the nicest beds there. Howard said that's the gross thing about going to a hotel. The beds are just jizz sponges according to Artie.
Howard asked Eric if they sent him a Brandy blow up doll, if he would fuck it. Eric wasn't sure he'd do that. Howard said that they probably have one of those vagina molds or something. Howard said he'd send a blow up doll to Eric if he wanted one. Eric said he'd have to get back to him about that and didn't agree to take one. Richard Christy came in and said that they have a dream date pool float that's supposed to float in the pool. He said it's not Brandy Taylor, but it might be something he'd like. Howard said he could use it in his bed even though it was meant for a pool. Howard asked Eric if he wanted it. Eric passed on it but Richard tried talking him into taking it. Eric didn't want it but Richard said he'd mail it to him anyway. Her name was Monica Sweetheart and it has a vagina in it.
Howard read the label on the inflatable doll that they were talking about and they have a big arrow pointing to the vagina hole in it. He said they're going to send it to him. Richard said he could send Eric one of Monica's movies too so he could get into that. Howard told him she's hot and it's better than a regular blow up doll. Robin wondered who was going to blow up the doll. Howard said the roommate could do it for him. He said no one is going to want to clean it up so they'd probably have to throw it out after one use. He said that would be a mission impossible trying to get rid of that thing and not have Eric linked to it.
Howard told Richard to mail it to Eric even though Eric said ''no thank you'' to him. Howard had some fun goofing on Eric about the doll thing and had everyone in the studio laughing. A phone caller said it would be funny if Eric kept throwing the doll in the garbage and it just kept coming back to him. Howard said that would be a great Twilight Zone episode, kind of like the episode where the Tina doll kept haunting this guy. Howard told Richard to stick a gay porn movie in the box with the doll. Eric told Howard that he could still hear him. Howard told him to cover up his ears because they had to make a plan. Eric gave them a ''No...''
A phone caller said that he's getting so bored by Eric in the mornings that he wants to suffocate himself with a Wal-Mart bag. Another guy asked Howard to get Eric's roommate on the phone to ask him about that. Howard asked Eric about the roommate but Eric hung up. Howard said there may have been a problem with the phone. He said he anted to talk to this guy Jaan.
Howard heard that High Pitch Eric was in The Sopranos last night. Richard said it was just Eric's big head that you see quickly. Artie didn't see him but he didn't know that he was in that episode. Gary said that he saw the scene and you have to freeze frame it just to see his head for a split second.
Howard had Eric back on the phone so he asked him what happened with the phone call. Eric said he calls on a cell and he lost the signal. Howard asked Eric if he wanted him to talk to his roommate about the walking in on him thing. Eric said he was sleeping and didn't want to interrupt him. Howard asked if he could watch the porn right then. Eric said that they're put away right now and he doesn't have access to them because they're in his roommate's room. They talked about that with Eric for a short time and wondered why Eric doesn't keep that stuff in his own room. Eric has to ask the guy for the porn when he wants to watch it. Howard said he couldn't believe that and it made no sense to him. He told Eric to wake his roommate up and get him on the phone. Eric said he's sleeping and he's not sure when he'll be up. Howard told him to just call in and let him know so he can talk to him. He let Eric go a short time later. Howard said that his roommate is probably tired from the 3 mile walk he had to make to get rid of the gay porn. He told Eric he was going to send him more porn with that blow up doll.
Howard said that Gary's new house is very nice. He said that he won this charity auction thing where they have this chef come over to cook. He talked about Gary's old radios that are all over the house and how he kind of over did that. He had a really nice desk there at the house so he asked him how much that cost him. Gary said it was about two grand. He also talked about how Gary has wires all over his office and he tripped over one of them when he came to say hello to Beth.
Howard said they had some fun there at Gary's house. He said the food was kind of slow coming out. He also said that they had an orchestra outside but it was cold out and Howard was closing the door on them because the cold was coming in. Artie said the house really is nice and he's got a porch on the place which was very nice. Howard asked him if he's going to put some trees in because his neighbors were waving to him as they were driving by. Gary said that he's having the landscaper come by today with some stuff. He said he's ready for the ass fucking on that whole thing.
Howard said he was playing some soldier game with Gary's kids and he wanted them to be the insurgents in Iraq but they didn't want to do it. He also said that Tom Chiusano was there and he's gotten braces and can barely speak with them in. Robin said that she saw them when she saw him and his lips were all beaten up from the braces. He said that if the guy got them at 30 he'd understand it, but he's 62 years old! He said he's got to keep them on for a year and he's not sure why he's doing something like that at his age. Gary asked Howard if he ever looked at Tom and thought about his teeth. Howard said he never did and now Tom has to cover up his teeth when he starts to laugh and stuff.
Howard said that Fred was there at Gary's house with his new hair cut. Artie showed up without his date. He said that he decided not to because it would have been a little weird. He said he was going to bring this chick that he met but things didn't work out so she didn't come. They spent a little more time on that until Howard realized it had been almost an hour and a half since they started the show with no breaks. He had Fred go right into commercial.
That led to Howard talking about creepy Michael Jackson and the time he had to have his genitals photographed after he was accused of molesting a kid. Howard was doing an impression of Michael talking about that incident and how bothered he was when he had to pull his pants down to have his picture taken.
Fred tried to find the clip that Howard was doing an impression of but he said he'd e-mail the guys to see if they could find it for him. Howard said that they should have Chris Cornell do some other songs to make them less gay. He played Mark Harris' ''I'm a Gay Papa'' song and said that maybe Chris couldn't make that one less gay. He said he wished they were friends with Chris Cornell so they could ask him to do that. He continued to play the awful song and said that he's really surprised it wasn't a hit.
Robin said there's no way to make that song not gay. Mark is singing about being a gay father so there really isn't a way to make it less gay. Robin asked how they could butch that up. Howard thinks that Chris Cornell could do it and did a little impression of him doing the grunge thing with the song. He seems to think that it might work if Chris got a hold of it.
Artie said that he left at 6:30 and it took him a little longer than he thought it was. He also said that when he got there he got a tour of Gary's house because he wanted to see it before they ate. Howard said he didn't eat much before dinner and just wanted to eat. He said the first three courses were fish and the final one was meat but he doesn't eat meat so he ended up leaving. It was 9:30 by that time so he just got up and left because he was so tired. He also said that he was seated next to Tom Chiusano so that was putting him to sleep.
Artie said that Howard was there with friends and he should have just hung out. Howard said he was just too tired and he's not sure how those guys can stay up so late. He said Robin wasn't even able to get herself to Gary's house. Artie said that he missed out on the great deserts that Mary made but Howard said she actually packed them up and he was eating them in his car on the way home. Artie thought that was pretty funny. He said he got there on time unlike some others there. He told Robin she would have left early as well if she had shown up.
Gary said there was a point when it got oddly uncomfortable. He said Howard got up while they were putting down the final course. He said Howard was calling out Beth's name trying to get her out there so they could leave. Howard said torture would have been easier than that thing. Artie said the rest of them just hung out talking until after midnight, it was supposed to be a party. Howard said he ran four and a half miles that afternoon and had a bunch of other things going on that day. He said he was very tired that night.
Artie told Howard he was wrong for leaving when he did. Howard said he didn't do anything wrong and he was very tired. He complained about the meal and how slow it was to come out there. Artie admitted he was wrong for showing up late but he also thinks that Howard was wrong for leaving early in the middle of a meal. Robin said she didn't show up because she didn't want to ruin the night for anyone else.
Howard claimed he was there for over 3 and a half hours but Gary said he wasn't there for more than 3 hours. Robin said that they really should get stuff done in less time than that. Howard said that Beth also fell asleep in the car and she was happy that they left when they did. He said she told him that she was tired as well. She thought the serving of the meal was very slow. Artie said he had to wait for Mary's desert at least because she made it herself. Robin started going off on Howard about leaving early so Howard went off on her because she didn't show up just because she had a tickle in her throat.
Howard said that his parents never stayed at parties more than an hour. He said he learned from them and he thinks that Artie and the rest of the guys staying so late was rude. Artie said they were having a great time talking though. Gary said that Fred and his wife didn't leave until 10:40. Howard wondered how Ronnie ended up getting invited to that dinner. Gary said he's part of the mix there. Howard thought he should have invited someone like Doug Goodstein to the dinner but Gary said he hangs out with Ronnie and he's closer to him than some of the other guys.
Robin blamed not showing up because she knew that Howard would have gotten sick from her if she had shown up. She was putting all of the blame on him. Howard said his day has to come to an end at some point and he just couldn't stay there any longer. Gary said that they were done with dinner by 10 so he could have stayed another 20 minutes. Howard said they weren't done and they still had desert going. Howard said he was really tired too so he had to get out of there.
Howard said that people are shitheads. If you say to people that you're starting your party at 7 o'clock, they should be there at 7. He said it doesn't mean 7:30 or 8 o'clock. Artie aids he knows that it was wrong of him to show up so late. Fred said that if the party had been one hour earlier, it would have been perfect. Artie thought it was actually perfect the way it was. It was a great Saturday night party for him. Howard said that's the heroin addict in him talking. Howard complained about the way the chef was presenting the stuff to them before serving it when he just wanted to eat. Gary said the guy is a master chef and there really aren't that many of them in the world. This guy, Jean Louis, was very good. Howard said he didn't have a complaint about the food, it was very good, it was just slow coming out.
Howard kept goofing on Robin for not coming to the party because of the tickle in her throat. She was picking on him about things he did so he turned it around on her. Howard took a call from a guy who thinks that Richard and Sal should be pissed because Robin's seat could have been theirs.
Artie said that Howard really interrupted the party because Mary had to say goodbye to Howard and Beth and Ronnie had to make a call to the driver to get him to pick them up. Howard didn't seem to care. Gary said it was kind of funny when Howard was standing in the foyer yelling for Beth. Howard said he didn't know that the house was echoing so much. Artie aids he was about a foot from them screaming! Howard told Gary that maybe he should get some more furniture in the house to cut down on the echo. He said he actually had a great time that evening.
Howard said that Cousin Brucie has been off SIRIUS for a month and he's got some cryptic message on his web site about how he's away for a while but when he returns, he won't be going away for a long time. Howard said he has no idea what that guy is talking about. That got Howard doing his Cousin Brucie impression and talking about how the station he used to be on, WCBS, used to be a huge money maker. He said if he were CBS, he'd turn the old K-Rock station into an oldies station like WCBS used to be.
Dominic Barbara called in and said that he had a party about 13 years ago and Robin got sick that time as well. She's been pulling that stuff for more than 13 years now. Howard said he could sense Robin getting sick for Gary's barbecue party too.
Robin said that she didn't tell the interviewer anything else other than that. She said the show would be an every day show though. She thinks the show would be a midday show but she's not sure exactly what would be happening with it at this point. Artie told her if she keeps up that stuff, she'll be leaving parties early.
Lisa said that they got some diet food there last week that looked kind of disgusting to her. That led to Howard talking more about leaving Gary's party early again. He still thinks it was fine that he left early because he doesn't eat dinner at 10:30 at night. Lisa said they'll have a story about Bubba's wrestling match from last week. Howard said he'd love to see Bubba wrestle, that must be funny as hell. He let Lisa go after that.
Howard said that this Jason Sirotin working for Howard TV. He made the movie ''No Signal'' for the film festival last year. He's been going around asking guys if they would fuck his mother. Gary said the guy is asking them because he's trying to get his mother laid. Howard said the guy, Jason, was going to come in but Mike Gange came in instead. Mike said that he's a weird dude, he keeps a diary of things that are in the news. He keeps track of news stories and it's almost like serial killer behavior.
Gary said that Jason was producing the Sybian documentary and told him that he and his wife were learning to use the thing after they got one for their home. He said that was kind of weird. Jason came in a short time later and said that his dad died about 2 years ago from a drug overdose. He was doing about 160 Aderol pills and sniffing them. He was doing his own version of a speedball doing that and taking some other drug. He said his dad had gone to jail for selling and receiving stolen property. He also said that one time he brought two guns with him to a party he went to.
Jason said his parents did some swinging with couples and stuff but never really talked about it. He said his mother is 53 years old and looks pretty good. She's actually on Match.com trying to find a man. Jason said he's asked a couple of the guys there if they'd like to do her. One of the other Howard TV producers, Lee Gerowitz, was asked. Jason said that he thought Lee would be a good one because he's a dirt ball kind of like his dad. Lee came in and said that he would do her. He said he saw her picture on Match.com and thought she was good looking. Lee said it'd love it if Jason called him Dad one day.
Howard said they should call Nick Manning the ''Dropping Loads'' guy and have her bang her. Jason said that would be great. They played some Nick Manning audio clips and asked Jason to imagine what that would be like if it was his mom. Jason said he thinks it would be awesome.
Jason said that when he was in high school he had a girlfriend who would come over every morning and fuck him before school. She was really loud in bed and his parents hated her so they told him he couldn't have sex in the house anymore. They went out the barn to do it instead. Gary said he heard that Jason's dad stole his identity before he died. He left him hanging and Jason had to file for bankruptcy because of it. Jason doesn't think his father knew what he was doing because of the drugs he was using. He said that his parents came home one day after having to change a tire on the way home and once he got home he passed out and died. He was only 51 at the time.
Doug Goodstein came in and said that this is just the tip of the iceberg with this guy. He said he dresses up as a transvestite for an acting gig he does. He said that he thinks he does that in his daily life. Jason said he just does it as a character. Gary told Howard there was some audio of him doing his girl voice so Howard played that. He sounded like a man doing a girls voice and not all that much like a chick.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he'd like to bang Jason's mom. Howard said he'll have to get in line because there are a lot of other guys ahead of him. Howard spent a minute talking about that and playing some music that Jason had created.
Dominic Barbara called in and said that the guy who shot up the people at VA Tech kept a scrapbook just like Jason is. The guys from Howard TV brought the book in so Howard could check it out. Jason said he keeps track of a lot of stuff in the book. Howard looked through it and said it looked boring to him. Jason said that he has a lot of pictures of Artie in there so Artie got a little worried when he heard that. Jason said no one has any reason to be afraid, he's not a whacko.
Howard asked Jason about how the conversation with Lee came up. Lee said he was just talking to Jason and it came up during their discussion. While they were talking about that someone noticed that Jason had pictures of the VA Tech shooter in the scrap book. He said that it was just a news story that he had put in there. He said he tapes all of the stuff in there and then laminates it. He said he uses the books to keep track of stuff like other people use their Palm Pilots and stuff like that.
Jason said he's got a wife and she's in that book as well. Howard said she looked cute. That led to them talking about the Sybian thing for a short time. Jason said that his wife has used it but not with the attachments you have to insert. He said she just sits on that nub that they use on the show when they have the girls riding the Sybian. Howard wrapped up with Jason and let him go. He had to go to break after that.
Howard said his hair dresser, Toni, was telling him that she read an article in Time magazine and it was about ugly men who date good looking women. She said she thinks that he's a good looking guy and it wasn't really meant as an insult bit Howard said he got kind of bummed out. He said it was kind of awkward too. He told Robin about the article and how he wasn't in there, but it seemed like Toni was kind of putting him there. He said they had pictures of odd couples like Donald Trump and Melania and a bunch of others. He said he loves Toni but he thinks that she thinks he's an ugly guy. He considers her a friend and he's not sure what's up with that.
Howard said he called his mother yesterday and she pointed out that there was a picture of Beth in New York magazine. She was telling him how gorgeous she looks in the picture so he wasn't sure what to say to her. He just said ''thanks.''
Artie talked about his scene in Entourage and how the whole premise of his character is that he's an ugly dude with a hot chick. He was talking about that and Howard brought up how he and Artie never really hook up and talk much off the air. He said even at Gary's party they weren't talking that much. He said he's pretty much a one person guy and spent most of his time talking to Beth at the party. He said he knows he's screwed up, that's why he's in therapy 3 days a week. The therapist won't let him go any less than 3 days a week at this point. He said he tried to get 2 days a week but the shrink won't let him go that low. He said he's been in therapy for about 10 years now and he's kind of sick of talking.
Howard said his youngest daughter is into Spider-Man and they watch the first two movies whenever they hang out. He said he loves that his daughter is into that stuff. He's going to get her the first Superman movie too.
Howard doesn't think that Benjy can win it, it seems like he's given up at this point. Benjy said that's not the case and he will come back with a huge win. He weighed in at 230 pounds today. That was a six pound loss. Up next was Jason who has lost a ton of weight so far. He hopped on the scale and came in at 223 pounds which was a 7 pound loss from last week. Howard told Benjy he blew it and couldn't believe that was the case.
Scott the Engineer was up next and came in at 222 pounds. The guys talked about how Benjy really fucked up that week he came in 10 pounds heavier. Benjy said that this is like the tortoise and the hare story and he will come in and win it at the end.
Howard anted to know if Artie was up to 300 pounds yet. He wasn't sure so he got up and hopped on the scale even though he's not in this contest anymore. He said he was 296 last time. He was up to 299 pounds today! Howard said he was just one pound short of the 300 pounds. Mike Gange told him he'd be up to 300 by the end of the show. Artie said he's going to start his regimen today and start losing the weight now. Artie claimed that his pants are very heavy.
Howard had a bandage and asked Artie if that's what he used. Artie said that wasn't quite what he used but it was close. Howard tried wrapping himself up like Artie did to keep his cock down and Robin wondered how he kept his underwear on doing that. Artie said he had the bandage on himself for about an hour and didn't have to pee the whole time he had it on. Robin said that Artie must have had that over his underwear. He said he had it over his jockey shorts and then put on the boxers over that. Here's a synopsis of all of the weights so far:
Mike Gange said that Kenneth peed his pants at the appearance. Howard figures he must be desperate for attention. Gary said Ken has been calling the show a lot lately and every time he calls he calls like it's the first time he's calling.
Mike Gange told Howard that Jason Sirotin was running around in drag so he wondered if he wanted to see him in that. Howard checked him out for a few seconds but kicked him out a short time later. He took a call from a guy who said that guy Jason is scary. He also asked Howard about the dinner he had at Gary's house and what it was like talking to Tom Chiusano. Howard said he still hangs out with Tom and he really likes the guy. He said he's one of the nicest men he's ever met in his life. He said they did talk about radio a little bit but Tom wouldn't want him talking about what he said so he's going to keep it quiet. He said he liked Tom so much that he wished he could have come with them there. He said things just don't work the same there though so they couldn't bring him along. The caller asked if there would be a spot there for Tom if the merger goes through. Howard said that won't happen because they don't have a general manager there on SIRIUS.
The caller asked Howard if he and Tom tip toe around certain subjects. Howard said he does kind of do that because he doesn't want to make him uncomfortable by telling him how great things are on satellite and how terrestrial radio sucks or anything like that. He went on to say that the way terrestrial radio is protesting the merger of the satellite radio companies shows that they are competition. They claim that they're not competing with each other but ti's obvious that they are. They spent a short time talking about that before Robin changed the subject.
Robin said that Howard really has to get solar because it actually sends power back to the utility company when it's not powering your house. He said he has no clue how any of that stuff works. He said he'd be in trouble if he was left on his own to fend for himself. Artie said he's the same way and is really clueless. He said that he's glad that here are some geniuses out there that can do all of that stuff.
Jon Hein gave his Wrap Up Show rundown. He said that they'll talk about Robin not showing up to Gary's party. They'll also talk about Artie's use of an Ace bandage to keep his boner down. They'll also talk about his weight and how close he's gotten to 300 pounds. Jason Sirotin asking people to bang his mom will also be one subject they'll discuss.
Howard was going to have Robin start her news but Fred had gotten that audio clip of Michael Jackson talking about what happened to him when he was accused of molesting a child and got humiliated when he had to pull his pants down and show his penis. He played through that speech and goofed on the guy a little bit. The guys talked about some of the problems Michael had in the past and how much trouble he could have gotten into.
Howard read some e-mail after that. One guy wrote in about American Idol and how it had jumped the shark like Howard said last week. Howard said that John Bon Jovi is supposed to be on the show this week. He said he didn't think that was a big deal but some guys think that it's really lame that John will be on the show.
Howard played some audio of a comedian goofing on Michael Jackson and goofing on his ''vitiligo'' bullshit story. He played a couple of Earthquake's comedy bits as well. He played a couple that they've played on the show before and got a few laughs from them. He had to go to break a short time later.
Robin brought up the Alec Baldwin voice mail story and talked about how he had gone to Dr. Phil to get some help. Howard said that's the last place you should go for help when you're in Alec's position.
Howard interrupted Robin's news to have this guy John come in to get a tour of the studio. The guy is heading off to Afghanistan soon and got a tour of the studio. Howard told him to go find that Osama bin Laden guy when he's there. John said that he's not sure what he's going to be doing until he gets there. Howard said they fucked everything up when they split up the troops and sent them to Iraq as well. Howard told John that he's a brave man and wished him luck over there. He said he should be there for 9 months, hopefully not longer. Howard asked him if he can get laid over there. He said he can't say.
John told Howard that he wanted to say something about a trooper who was killed up in Orange County, New York so Howard let him do that. He said there was no way to joke about that though. John said he was hoping that he wouldn't. Howard told John that he's not half as brave as him and wished him luck again as he was saying goodbye to him.
Howard read a story about Rush Limbaugh buying a $4,000 bottle of wine at a dinner he was at recently. He said that even if you have the money for something like that, who actually does that? They spent a little time talking about that and moved on to many other stories after that.
Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 10:50am.
Howard started off the show by taking a phone call. The caller said that he didn't do anything wrong the other night when he left Gary's party early over the weekend. Howard said the only reason anyone is making a fuss is because it all centers around him. He said he was there long enough but Robin told him that he didn't just walk out, he walked out in the middle of a dinner. Howard said he didn't have to sit there and be tortured if he didn't want to. He was there for over 2 and a half hours and that was more than enough time. He said Robin didn't even show up to the party. She said she still has a tickle in her throat and feels that she could still be coming down with something.
Fred said he thought it was a big mistake on Howard's part but he also thought the party started a little late. Howard said that Fred is the one who doesn't even show up to things. He also pointed out that Fred was the one who got into a fight with his wife at the Rainbow Room and walked out on her. Fred said he's not saying that was right. He still thinks that Howard made a mistake by leaving early but Howard said he doesn't think that's the case.
The phone caller said that Howard probably left because of excessive boredom. Howard said he was just very tired and could barely keep his eyes open. He also said he was feeling a tickle in the back of his throat like Robin was claiming as the reason for her not showing up.
Gary said that Benjy was missing again. Howard said they may have to fire him if that's the case. Gary also pointed out that Howard has attacked everyone in the room who has pointed out he did something wrong. Howard said Fred did the same type of thing to Jackie when he walked out of the Rainbow room. Robin said that the thing that Howard did that went over the edge for her was when he yelled for Beth through the house.
Howard had some clips from yesterday's The Wrap Up Show. In one clip Artie was talking about what he thought about Howard leaving the party early. He said that Howard leaving did affect the mood of the party and he really shouldn't have gotten up and left. He also said he should have apologized. Howard claimed he did say he left because he was tired. He wasn't apologizing for doing it though. Robin said that they wanted him there otherwise they wouldn't have sent him an invitation.
Howard said he was being tortured by the slow service and he had to get out of there. Robin tried to go off on him but he kept pointing out that she failed to show up to the party so she shouldn't talk. Howard said that he liked the food and loves this chef Jean Louis. He asked Gary what time Robin called to let him know that she wasn't coming. He said that it was around 4 o'clock so Howard went off on her again trying to deflect some of the bashing. Robin also pointed out that Howard had closed the door on the orchestra that was playing in Gary's back yard. Howard said he asked Gary if he could do it because he was freezing in the house.
Howard played another clip from The Wrap Up Show where Ralph was asking about what went on and telling Gary that he should be more upset about the whole thing. Howard cut that off and talked more about how he's been really tired lately and has been sleeping extra long this week. He usually gets up at 4 in the morning but he's been getting up at 5 this week. He played more of Ralph's comments and Ralph was getting really angry at Howard and Beth for leaving. That led to Howard saying that Ralph is off his list this year and he's on his shit list now. He said he's got balls to go off on him like he was on that show.
Tim Sabean was on The Wrap Up Show talking about Howard leaving early but he wouldn't say if he was upset that Howard left early. Howard said that Artie was late to the party and that was rude too but no one was complaining about that. Howard said that was incredibly rude. He said that Artie showing up late delayed the dinner for a half hour, not 15 minutes that Artie was claiming. Howard said Artie got a tour of the house before they moved on with the dinner and that was just wrong. He said Artie is out of control so Artie shot back and said that Howard and Robin are the ones who are out of control.
Howard thinks that Artie didn't leave his house until 7 and that's when the party started. Artie said he left at 6:30 and he expected to be there by 7:15 or so. He didn't get there until almost 8. Howard said Artie has some balls picking on him when he showed up so late. He said he loves Artie but he has to point out what he did wrong since he was going off on him.
Howard asked Artie if he used his GPS in his car to get there to Gary's party. Artie said he does have it but didn't need it. He did get lost on his way there so he kind of did need it. Gary came in and told Howard that Artie called at about 7:40 and said he was going to be late. He told him not to hold off on dinner but Gary decided to hold off for a short time. Howard said he was ready to eat at 8 when they were supposed to eat but Artie delayed it. Artie told Howard he was out of his mind going off on him for that.
Robin told Howard that he was extremely rude to Gary's wife Mary because she made desert and he should have stayed there to have some. Howard said there was no hope in sight that the desert was going to come out until 10 o'clock. Howard went off on Artie about his showing up late so Artie got all pissed and talked about how Howard disrupted that dinner so much. Artie said that Howard was a dick head and left the party early.
Robin kept picking on Howard and he kept pointing out that she wasn't even there because of that tickle in her throat. At least he showed up. Robin said that Mary had to destroy her cake to send some home with Howard and Beth. Her presentation was ruined because of that. Howard said no one was upset about that. Robin said Mary talked about the thick skin she had gotten over the years when she called The Wrap Up Show yesterday. Howard said she has the thick skin because she has to fuck Baba Booey, not because of him.
Howard played another clip from The Wrap Up Show where a caller explained how important that guy Jean Louis is as a Master Chef. He played another one where the guys talked about Robin not showing up and why that might have happened. Robin was still sticking to her story about the tickle in her throat. She was afraid that she might endanger the health of others on the show so she didn't show up.
Howard said Benjy found a clip on the web where they talk about how to leave a party early. In the clip the announcer explains the best way to leave a party graciously. He says you should let your hosts know early so they know you're leaving. He says that you should aim to make your exit as quiet as possible. Howard said that's not easy when you're the light of the party.
Howard took a call and said that Robin has balls going off on Howard after not showing up. He also said that Artie probably showed up with his tan cargo pants, and he was right. He also pointed out that Fred blew off Jackie for a lunch by saying it was ''too blustery'' outside to go out. Fred went off on the guy and said it wasn't the same thing. Artie asked the caller what it was like up Howard's ass since he was on his side in that. Howard said that's another new thing on The Wrap Up Show, anyone who is on his side is up his ass.
Another phone call said that Howard doesn't care about what he does to other people and the way he treats them. Howard said that's not true. He said it threw the whole evening off for him because dinner was so late. He said he was very tired and couldn't keep his eyes open. He felt like he was going to pass out. He said that he was going to try and sneak out but then Mary said she was going to get up and get desert for him. He was staring to blame her for making a big deal out of him leaving. Gary said that's not why everyone noticed he was leaving. Howard said he didn't ask Mary to leave the party to get him desert.
Howard told Gary not to invite him to his fuckin' house anymore. He said he had a good time there but all of this bullshit is getting to him. He was kind of laughing after saying that though. Robin was still going off on him and having no problem talking so Howard asked her how she was feeling. She had no issue with her voice today.
Howard told the guys if they want to call Beth and ask her if she was telling the truth that she wanted to leave, they could do that. She's out in Pittsburgh visiting her parents though. He said she may or may not pick up her cell. Some of the guys thought that Howard was dragging her out of the party and she didn't really want to leave. He claims that she did want to leave and thanked him for getting her out of there. Gary tried calling Beth but her cell went right to voice mail.
Howard talked about closing the door at the party because he was cold and how people thanked him for doing that because it was so cold in the house. They left the windows open so the orchestra could still be heard.
The guys said that Sour Shoes is a genius and Howard added that he's a genius that lives in his parents basement. He said if he had a TV show like Letterman does, he'd make Sour Shoes his orchestra leader. He'd be like his Paul Shaffer. Sour Shoes continued to play as Howard was talking about him. Sour Shoes went into a bunch of different songs and did some radio announcing as well. Artie said when he pictures that guy's father getting ready for work in the next room, it makes him laugh. Howard said he'd go to see that guy in concert if he put on a show. He'd like to hear some of the songs longer than he plays them sometimes.
Sour Shoes went into his Scott Ferrall impression which is amazing. He had all kinds of information that he was spewing out. He did that for a few seconds and then broke back into song. He was alternating between his Scott impression and singing some songs. He then asked Howard to talk up a song as Cousin Brucie. Howard broke into his Brucie impression and talked up a Bee Gees song. Sour Shoes went right into the song and went back and forth with his Scott Ferrall and Bee Gees impression.
Sour Shoes even broke into a Vinnie Favale impression for a few seconds. Howard said it didn't sound anything like Vinnie though. Howard went into his Cousin Brucie impression again and had Sour Shoes perform another song for them. Howard had to bail out on him after that.
Howard went back into his Cousin Brucie impression and talked up some of those songs that Sour Shoes had just performed. Artie said that yesterday's show opening had the ''Boy with Horse Teeth'' song that was so great.
Howard said he was in a couch at this Sony studio watching the movie and it was just great. He said the movie from start to finish was fantastic. They had some great villains in the movie and he loved the fact that they had a story there. He said that Tobey Maguire is great as Spider-Man and he can make you feel for him. He's not sure how they do the special effects but they are just amazing. He said the Sand Man was amazing and he loved everything in the movie. He was exhausted after the movie though.
Howard said the movie was so perfectly done that he didn't want it to end. He said he hopes that they do a fourth one. He thinks that the third one is the best of the three Spider-Man movies. Robin said she's not sure it's better than the first one but she liked it. She was afraid that there were too many villains in the movie but that's not what happened. Howard said it was perfect and gave it 7 stars out of 4. He said it was a great film and he recommends it to his fans.
Howard said the movie was written by Sam Raimi and it was very well done. Robin said there were some story lines that could have been tightened up a little bit. Other than that she loved the movie. Howard said the movie is a phenomenon. He said he couldn't believe how good the movie was. He thinks that they could make another one and he hopes that they will. He thinks that this movie will make more money than even Titanic. He said there could be some people who are tired of Spider-Man but he's sure not. He loves that stuff. Howard told Artie he should go see the movie because it was phenomenal.
Howard heard that Jon Hein didn't like the movie so he thought he was out of his mind. Jon came in and said he didn't like the Kirsten Dunst singing in the movie. Howard said it really wasn't that bad, it was a perfect blend of things and a perfect movie to him. Robin said she agreed with Jon on that and thought it was a little too much.
Jon said he thinks the movie is worth seeing but it's not as good as the first one. Howard said he was going to give it 50 stars out of four. Robin gave it a 3.5 out of four. She said that she's never seen anyone carry off a super hero character better than Tobey Maguire. Howard said Tobey will actually be there tomorrow. He said he's definitely going to buy the DVD when it comes out.
Howard mentioned that Big Foot Mark was going to be there today. He also has a magician coming in to pull a card out of a woman's vagina. He said that will be a first. He went to break a short time later.
Howard then went into a new prank call the guys made using clips of Gary yelling at someone. The guy they called had no idea who was calling him or why he was getting yelled at. Gary had a lot of ''fuck yous'' and things like that in there. They also had Gary laughing and telling the guy he was joking around. Then Gary sang a little.
Howard said Richard and Sal had taken clips of Gary yelling at various people over the years. Artie said he recognized Gary yelling at Ralph and maybe Elliot Offen among others. Howard said he had another prank call to play that he's played before. He played the call where Richard calls a woman and asks her about some stuff she's selling. She tells him that most of the stuff he's looking for is already gone. She keeps telling Richard that the stuff is gone but he keeps asking about them. He then starts saying stuff that has nothing to do with their conversation and then asks about the stuff the woman has already sold. She eventually hangs up on Richard but he calls her back and asks about this wheelbarrow that she had already sold. This time she just hangs up on him.
Howard had Kenneth on the phone so he asked him how many DUIs he had. Ken said he's had about 8. Howard talked about some of the wacky things that have happened to Ken over the years and how he had some college guys mess with him after hiring him to do some stuff for them. Howard said Ken is so desperate to be on the show now that he just peed his pants the other day when he was hanging out at this free preview thing for Howard TV. He said that's still going on and you can find out more at HowardStern.com/Free.
Howard said that Ken wants to be famous so bad that he'll do just about anything. Kenneth said he's still doing stand-up comedy once in a while. Howard let him go but Kenneth seemed surprised about that.
Howard spoke to one caller who said that Artie was probably late to Gary's party because the Yankees were playing the Red Sox. Howard said that was probably it but Artie said he was listening in his car. Artie said that Howard probably left early because there was a Dancing with the Stars show on at 10:30. Howard said he's stopped watching that show completely.
The caller told Howard that he liked that Miserable Men was back with Rev. Bob Levy, Jim Florentine and Shuli on Monday nights. Howard said that Bob wrote another song about Robin and he's not sure why he keeps making them. He played the song that was to the tune of Bryan Adams ''Run to You'' but his was ''Come In You.'' Howard picked apart the song and asked Robin if she would ever do Bob. Robin said that's ridiculous.
Howard told Robin that Al Rosenberg sent him a letter asking if he thinks that Robin would date him. Robin said he looks great after losing 70 pounds. Howard said he just deleted the e-mail he got from Al. Robin said she loves Al but he's always been a married man with children to her. Howard said that he's probably very affectionate. He's not really a Jew either because he was adopted. Robin said she wasn't saying no to him but she wasn't sure. She said he looked healthier and much better after losing the weight. Howard told her that he needs a picture of the two of them fuckin. He's shaved his head according to Robin and she didn't know he'd look so good with his head shaved.
Sal came in so Howard asked him about being upset that black people moved into his neighborhood. Sal said he was driving around his neighborhood and saw a black kid playing in the back yard of a house. He asked his wife what was going on and she told him that they were new neighbors. Sal said that they're good people and this could actually be good for him. He said his father once put up a for sale sign as soon as they had blacks move in next door to them. He's not going to do that. Sal said that the blacks who move into the good neighborhoods are ''the good ones'' and stuck his foot in his mouth as he does every time he starts talking about race.
Howard said Sal is probably thinking about selling his house. Sal laughed and said he's not thinking of selling at all. Howard asked him to tell the truth and say if he was thinking about it. Sal said it's sad that people think that way. He said that Howard eventually left. Howard said they stuck around for a long time. Sal said he's going to stick it out for now.
Howard said Sal is afraid to give his opinions because the black security guards there give him dirty looks. Sal said that one of his neighbors is selling his house and he claims that the value of his house hasn't really dropped. He said if that guy sells to a black family, then he's fucked. Robin wanted Sal to say what he was saying out in the office. Sal said he's just concerned.
Richard came in and said that Sal was worried and talking about what he was saying to his wife the day they drove by that house. Howard asked Sal what his house is worth. Sal said he paid about $225,000 and it should be worth just under $500,000 at this point. He said the mortgage is pretty big at this point. Howard let him go after that.
Artie wondered which Jason Howard was talking about. It was Jason Kaplan, not Jason Sirotin the cross dresser. Howard said he was talking to some people about how Sirotin was claiming that his transvestite costume is just a character he plays.
Lisa G said that Henry Hill is selling his artwork on eBay.com
and it looks like a third grader did it. She said you can go to eBay.com
and search for Henry Hill to see the works. Howard let Lisa go and moved on to other things.
Howard read through some of the ratings and said that everyone is basically just suckin it. They can't get ratings anywhere. He read that his old station, which changed it's call letters to WFNY, and they had a morning rating of 1.9 which was even lower than Imus' were. He said that's after a year of Opie and Anthony being on in the mornings. They didn't even show up in the afternoon ratings. He wondered why they tried to replace them by putting on a bunch of imitators all day long. He said they should have built up the station based around David Lee Roth and had the rest of the day as a music station instead. He said that they could have had David Lee Roth doing something instead of trying to be Howard Stern.
Howard said he could fix the old station for them if they threw him some money. He said he really doesn't care and he's got enough to do there working with Fred. That led to them talking about how long they've been working together. Howard figured it was somewhere around 1978 or 79 when they first met and started working.
Howard read more about the ratings on terrestrial radio and about some of the other stations in New York City that have gone up and down in the ratings. He said he had to take a break after that. They still had to get Big Foot in there. Gary came in and told Howard another thing about the old station and how they're running a promo saying that they're not upset that they're not number 1, all they care about is the music... That they don't play except on weekends. Howard said there's nothing there at this point and they're probably still paying off David Lee Roth for his whole contract.
Gary said the thing that Howard isn't talking about are all of the other markets he was on and how their ratings have dropped. Howard said the Dallas station has a 0.0 rating. Howard said that from what he's heard, the Chicago station is really down too and Steve Dahl is down in the afternoons. He jokingly said that since they left, they've turned off all of the radios in Chicago since they left. Artie mentioned one guy there in Chicago who was a big supporter of the show.
Tim Sabean came in with some ratings reports but he wanted Gary to read them. Howard told Tim to just go through them himself. He came in and read through some of the old stations Howard used to be on. He said that KLSX in Los Angeles went down a little. WFNY (the old K-Rock) went from a 1.2 to a 1.3 over all rating. WYSP is down to a 2.0 rating. They used to have a 5.6 when Howard was there. WMMR is back up to a 7.9 now that Howard is gone and they were down in the dumps when Howard was on there. He said that even the station that John Debella moved to has a 5.7 rating now. The whole industry changed after Howard left terrestrial radio. Robin said that no one gave Howard credit when he was on.
Tim said that people used to be against Howard so much that they would sell against them instead of selling against newspapers and other things that were competing for ad money. Tim said that the sales people who worked for the stations Howard was on made out very well on commissions because they knew how to sell him. Howard thanked Tim for that and then went to break.
Howard said you can e-mail Big Foot if you want to book him for anything at guidinglightmarketing@yahoo.com. When he came in Howard asked him if he was smelly or something because Will was making a motion that seemed to indicate he stunk. Big Foot said that he almost got mugged this morning when he came in and gave some wacky explanation for that.
Howard asked Big Foot about that phone call he had with Richard. Big Foot then went into a discussion about how he's being ''ascriminated'' against. Howard cut him off and asked him what happened to his teeth because some of them were missing. Big Foot said he's been trying to have them pulled out because they're just about falling out of his gums. He said he doesn't brush his teeth usually so he will get dentures eventually. Robin said that was the grossest thing she's seen.
Howard asked Big Foot about this discrimination thing he's got going on. He said people won't rent to him after he tells them that he's been on Howard Stern's show. He said they raise the rent when he tells them that. Howard asked Big Foot about the music that he put out and Big Foot had a whole story about why he only made about $40 out of that deal. That led to Howard playing some of the songs that Big Foot sang along to karaoke style.
Howard read that Big Foot is claiming he's not going to file taxes next year until he finds housing up in Vermont. Big Foot said he's got to put pressure on them somehow. Robin didn't think that was a good idea. Big Foot started talking his own form of politics and how he was going to show people by not paying his taxes. Howard asked him if he's getting any pussy. Big Foot said he got laid about a month ago.
Robin asked Big Foot where he's sleeping now. He said he has a home, it is, but he can't say where it is because he might get kicked out, it is. Howard took a call from ''Vermont'' (Richard Christy) who was calling in to tell Big Foot that he can't fight him. He claimed that he was talking to his buddy New Hampshire and he doesn't want him either. Big Foot said he doesn't care about New Hampshire and doesn't want to live there either. He said he got into some trouble down there one time and doesn't need to live there.
Artie asked Big Foot about the jacket he was wearing and asked if he paid for it. Big foot said it was about $50 and he paid for it, it's not stolen. He said he's got some women that work for him and give him some money. He said he's got an escort service going and he buys stuff for these girls. His explanations of how these things work made no sense at all and he says ''it is'' in the middle of his sentences through the whole explanation. He said that he's got this girl who is a ''lesbian it is'' and she will beat him up when he doesn't do things that she wants him to do.
Howard asked big Foot what they can do for him because he seems so agitated. Big Foot said he hasn't the foggiest idea and he was hoping that Howard could help him figure it out. Howard said it seems that he can't get a job but Big Foot said that he can get a job, he's just not looking for one. Howard read that he claims that people think that he's wearing a mask when he goes out. He had an explanation for that and said that people make fun of him out on the street when he goes out.
Big Foot said that he stays up in Vermont because he knows the place so well. He can't read and he'd get lost in his back yard if he didn't know his way around. He was carrying a bunch of paperwork with him so Robin asked him what was up with that. He said he thought that someone else could read the stuff for him.
Howard asked Big Foot about his family. Big Foot said that he's the ''black sheef'' of the family and his mother is mad at him. He said that she's alive but wants nothing to do with him. He said he got a picture of her, it is, from when they met up one time. He said something about his father having a blockage in his rectum and he wasn't able to shit so that's when they all met up and had their picture taken.
Gary told Howard that they had Big Foot's mother on the phone. He said it was for real too. Howard picked up Mary and asked her why she and her son can't get along. She said they get along alright and she just saw him a few months ago. Howard asked her if she loves her son. She said she does but she has no room for him to live because they live at their other son's house. Howard asked her what she would like to see for him. Big Foot was claiming that he had blood coming out when he shits. She really didn't know anything about that. Howard asked her why he never learned to read. She wasn't sure about that.
Big Foot said he didn't know that his mother cared about him. She said she does care and she's not sure what their falling out was over. Big Foot said it was his father saying that they were never going to amount to anything. Big Foot said he did amount to something, he got on the Stern Show. He said his father would say that to his other brother Jeff who is a little off the wall at times.
Howard told Big Foot to say something loving to his mother and maybe he could earn her back. Big Foot did say Happy Mother's day to her. Robin asked him if he could take her out to dinner on her special day. Big Foot didn't know where she lived and didn't know how to get there. Mary said that she gave him her address but Big Foot said he hasn't had a chance to get back to her. He said he's been busy with the paperwork with the state.
Robin asked Mary what she thinks Big Foot's problems are. She said she really doesn't know. Artie asked her if she thinks he should be in a hospital or something. She doesn't believe that he should because he's been able to last on his own for this long. Artie said he's got medical issues and he really seems to need help and care at this point.
Howard asked Mary if she could hook up with her son. She said she can't and she has tried in the past and things just don't work out. Mary let out a sigh and said she has her husband to take care of and that's all she can handle at this point. Artie asked about Mark's brother Steven and if he could help. She said he's got his own family to take care of. Artie said that they could probably get him into a hospital and get him some help. Mary said that this is all very sad and she didn't know about the love triangles that he had been involved with. He let it out that he had been involved with a man and Mary had no idea about that.
Artie asked Big Foot if he thinks he should be in a hospital. Big Foot said he doesn't think he should be in there because he'd feel like a prisoner if he was in there. Artie asked Mary if she thinks that her son is mentally retarded. She said that's what she was told but she's not sure what to do about that. She has ability to do that stuff. Big Foot said that he wouldn't mind being in a halfway house but they can't give him times to be in bed and times to get up in the morning.
Howard said that Big Foot is a loveable guy and he was going to give him $500 from Vermont Teddy Bear. He said that maybe Big Foot could get his mom one of those bears. He said he might get her the Bandit Bear so it reminds her of him all the time. Robin told Big Foot that he should call his mother more often. Howard told him not to lay all of his stuff on her when he calls too. Just call her and say that he's worried about her.
Howard let Big Foot's mom go and asked her if she expected to have this when she had kids. She said she didn't expect it and she's got 3 others to deal with. She said that two out of the four are pretty normal. Howard took a call from someone who was supposed to be Big Foot's landlord. It was actually audio clips of Alec Baldwin's voice mail to his daughter that someone was playing. Big Foot was arguing with the clips so Howard let that go on for a short time before cutting it off.
Howard told Mark that he should get that blood in the stool thing checked out. He should go to the doctor and get checked out. He said he had one shit that was green so he was wondering about that since he hadn't eaten anything green. Robin said she thinks it's got to do with too much bile being in his system. Benjy found some information and it could be many things. Fred found some stuff and said that it could be from too many vegetables or too much iron in his diet.
Howard took another fake call from Big Foot's landlord. This time it was clips of Artie asking about the five grand he owed him. Big Foot said he knew nothing about that five grand and he told him to bring it on. The Artie clips were calling him a loser faggot and other things but Big Foot said he already knew that. Howard asked Big Foot about sucking his thumb. He said he does that at night when he sleeps and has a picture to prove it.
A phone caller asked how this guy can drive if he can't read. Big Foot said he passed the tests orally and that's how he got it. He knows how to read some signs like stop signs, do not enter signs and things like that. Howard asked Big Foot who he's supporting in the presidential election. He said he's going to support himself.
Artie asked Big Foot where it was that he shit and someone saw the blood in his shit. He said it was at some woman named Jane's house. He said she's a big heifer and he doesn't care about her. He said that he did flush the toilet but it must not have all gone down that time. Howard took one more fake call, this time it was Lily Tomlin audio clips but Big Foot wasn't really playing along anymore by that point.
Artie asked Big Foot more about the shits he's made. He said he sometimes just goes on the side of the road and they're the size of logs. Howard took another fake call, this time they were clips of Gary yelling at him. Big Foot just took it all and let the yelling go on. They had Wood Yee clips call in and ask him questions too. Howard let that go on for a short time and then wrapped up with him and went to break.
Howard said Jim was in the Jackass 2 movie and he was flinging cards at the guys in that. He said he was asked to throw cards at Wee Man's ass but he came up with the idea to shock him in the ass instead with this shocker thing you put on a chair. Jim said he brought that along with him just in case they wanted to try that out.
Howard had the guys bring in Siobhan who was wearing a wig today and looking somewhat like a woman according to Howard. Siobhan didn't seem to think that the card trick was going to work. Howard asked her if she's been blowing guys like he heard she was. She said she doesn't have any men right now. She said she was looking for a really nice guy and didn't want to be hooked up with Big Foot. Howard told her that she doesn't have a real vagina and no man is going to want that.
Howard had Jim get into this card trick so Jim had him pick a card. He picked a card and then put the card back into the deck and mixed it up. Jim said he was going to have Howard count to five and then had him pick the card from the deck and asked him if it was the same card he had picked. It was. Jim took the card and ripped it up and then walked over to Siobhan. He had Siobhan sit on the stool they had in the studio. He then had her look at him and had her open her skirt to reveal what was down there. She reached into her vagina and pulled out a condom that she claimed was from last night. She said there was a bunch of stuff in there and started digging it out. She said one of her cat's toys was in there. Howard said it was a mistake having her in there. Siobhan eventually pulled the card out of there. Jim then showed Howard that the card he had ripped in half was the other half of the card that Howard was holding. Siobhan said that the other stuff was rigged and the card wasn't in there. She swore she didn't know how it got in there.
Siobhan asked how he did the trick. Jim said he has a big deck of cards and he could try another trick with the lie detector chair. He said it shocks people when they lie while they're sitting on the chair. Siobhan didn't want to be shocked and neither did Artie. They decided to ask Sal about the black family in his neighborhood instead. Sal came in and stripped down a little bit. While he was doing that Siobhan told Howard that the card was actually stuck in her vagina and she really has no idea how it got in there.
Jim told Sal that they were possibly going to hit him with 30,000 volts of electricity in his ass. Howard started off asking him if he loved his wife. Sal said no and didn't get shocked. He said he answered like that so he wouldn't get shocked. Howard asked him about his son's names. Howard asked him if he likes black people and he didn't get shocked. He then asked him if he's upset that he has black people living in his neighborhood. He said ''no'' and got shocked. Sal told Artie to get on the chair and give it a try. Artie said that wasn't going to happen.
Howard had Sal sit back on the chair and asked him if he's sexually attracted to men. Sal said no again and got shocked. Howard then asked him if he's ever had a gay experience. He said no and flinched but no shock came. Howard asked him if he ever dreams about sucking his penis. Sal said no and got shocked once again. Howard told the guys to get Richard in there so they could ask him some questions. Sal said he's never dreamed about sucking Howard's cock.
Richard came in and got on the chair. Howard asked him a few simple questions and he answered those correctly. Howard asked him if he's ever fucked a farm animal, he said no and didn't get shocked. Richard was then asked if he's attracted to Sal's penis. He said yes trying to avoid getting shocked. Then Howard asked him if he would suck Sal's penis. Richard said no and got shocked. Howard said this chair is amazing. Richard said there's some trickery going on there. He said it's like someone is pinching him harder than he's ever been pinched before.
Howard asked Richard if he's ever had a gay experience. Richard said it depends on what the definition of a gay experience is. He said he did masturbate next to a guy one time. Howard asked him if he loves his girlfriend. He said he is and didn't get shocked. Then Robin asked him if he's ever had sexual fantasies about men. He said he had and then explained it so he got shocked again. Howard asked him if he's sexually attracted to him and he got shocked again and again. Howard asked him if he thinks he's a nice person. Richard said yes to that and didn't get shocked.
Howard asked Sal if he would really smell his balls. Sal said he would so he didn't get shocked. He was then asked if he was attracted to Beth. He said no because it's Howard's girl. He said he would love to fuck Robin and didn't get shocked. Howard asked him if he hates Robin or if he resents her success because she's black. He said no and got shocked again. Howard said this chair is the greatest thing ever. Richard asked Sal if he would give him a hand job. Sal said no and got shocked.
Howard asked Gary to come in and get on the chair but he refused. Howard asked Sal if he likes Jewish people. He said yes and didn't get shocked. Sal was then asked if he likes saying the N-word. Sal said he doesn't like saying it and didn't get shocked. He was also asked if he thinks he can do better than Fred if he were in his position. Sal said no and got shocked. He figured Fred had the shocker after that. Sal got one last shock when he was asked if he loves his mother-in-law and said he does.
Howard asked JD and Ronnie to come in and sit on this chair. JD refused at first but Gary told him to just go in the studio. JD came in but he refused to sit on the chair. Howard said he'd love to get Scott the Engineer in there. Will asked to get Benjy in there to ask about cheating on his diet. Benjy said he didn't want to do it because he knows that the guy can shock him at any time.
Jim once picked a lottery number as a joke and it actually came true that day and there was a huge number of entries for that day. He's also memorized a ton of zip codes so the guys threw a bunch of numbers at him and he knew the approximate locations for them. He also remembers things about dates. He sits and memorizes crap like that. Artie threw out a date and he knew that it was a Friday. Fred asked about a date and Jim knew it was a Wednesday. Jim said he didn't start doing the memory thing until he was 49 years old.
Howard gave Jim a plug for his web site JimKarol.com and also gave Siobhan a plug for her web site KatFarm.com. Siobhan told Howard that she got about 200,000 hits on her site after he mentioned that on the show the first time. She said she had to upgrade her account after that.
Artie said that he had heard some of Siobhan's stand-up comedy and it was really good... and then faked getting shocked in the ass for lying. Howard wrapped up a short time later and went to commercial.
Howard said he plays against Marty all the time and it's weird to meet the guy in person. Marty said that Howard is a very defensive player and he takes his time to make his movies. Howard said that Marty is a glass guy and he does stained glass stuff. He actually lives out in Des Moines, Iowa. Howard said that's what's cool about the web site, he can play the guy out there in Iowa while he's in New York.
Howard asked Marty if he thinks there are any hot chicks playing on the site. He said he knows that supermodel Carmen Cass plays on there. Howard wondered if he's ever played her not knowing it. Howard said he always figured that the chess chicks all looked like him.
Howard told Robin about this chess site and how everyone who is on there plays against people who are at the same level they're at if they want. They spent a few minutes talking about the chess stuff before Artie changed subjects and brought up how Robin had waited months and months before talking about her break-up with Mr. X while he waited just minutes before talking about breaking up with Dana.
Howard said that Robin could have announced it there instead of on Bubba's show. She said that her excuse is that the break up wasn't like Artie's. They had a lot of break-ups, make-ups and maybes while Artie's was pretty cut and dry. Robin said that the relationship didn't end abruptly for her. She said there wasn't a moment where they realized it was over. She said that it had ended a long time ago and they finally came around to knowing that it was over.
Irish John called in and asked if Beth wants to choke this guy Marty because his site takes away so much time from her. Howard said he thinks she does but Marty found that hard to believe. Marty said that at least Howard is staying at home doing that stuff.
Double A called in and said he was drooling over this guy Marty like he was a hot chick or something. Howard told him to try and expand his horizons. He said he might be getting Carmen Cass some day. Howard said that he banged Beth the other day and he was ready to go 15 minutes later. He said he just wanted her to see that he was ready for her that quickly. She didn't want it again so he just told her he wanted to show off for her.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that this chess conversation was brutal and hoped it would stop soon. Howard moved on to Steve Langford and Jon Hein after that.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He said they'll be talking about Big Foot and his mother, Jim Karol and his shock chair. They'll also talk about Howard leaving Gary's party early and how he's now blaming it all on Artie showing up late.
Howard said he wanted to have Robin sit on that lie detector chair and see if she really stayed home from Gary's party because she was sick. He said he has the feeling that if he put her on the chair and asked her that, it would have exploded.
Howard said he had the top 5 songs to go through today. He played through the songs quickly. The artists included Avril Lavigne, Timberland, Akon, Fergie and T-pain. He also threw in Rev. Bob Levy's new song about Robin that he played earlier in the show. Artie asked ''What the fuck?'' when he heard the song. He said it was creepy, unfunny and it eludes to rape. Robin said she may have to get a restraining order because of that song. Artie said that Bob appears to be talentless after making that song. Howard played some more song parodies and some songs from Larry Pierce.
Howard took a call from Ralph and ended up going off on him for the comments he made yesterday on The Wrap Up Show. Howard asked him what he was calling in about and wanted to get him off the phone. Ralph said he was looking at the Cabbie web site and it looks just like Howard TV. There's no content, it's all ads and he should be ashamed of himself. He picked on everything about the site and said it looked just like the Howard.tv web site. Howard said he didn't know there was a problem there. He also pointed out that Ralph isn't one to be talking about stuff that's rude. He said he would take behavior advice from Sal before he'd take it from Ralph.
Howard had Robin get into her news after that. She read through a bunch of stories before Howard interrupted with some e-mail. He said he got a lot of feedback about the night he left Gary's dinner party. People were pissed at him for doing that. He didn't get one positive e-mail about that. There were some people who were upset with Robin not showing up at all to that dinner party. That led to Robin asking Howard how he would feel if someone got up and left a party they threw. Howard said it would never happen because their meals would be served on time.
Howard read some more e-mail and had one where the writer went off on Robin for not showing up to that party. He also read some feedback about Artie's appearance on Entourage. One guy said you can barely see his bald spot. There were other people who thought he did a good job on the show. One person said that Artie was the worst actor on that show and just memorizing lines doesn't make a great actor.
Howard read one e-mail from a guy who said he works on One Life To Live and told him that they try to cover up their boners by wearing four pair of underwear. Artie used an Ace bandage on his area to keep his down when he shot a love scene for Rescue Me. There was one more e-mail about Artie and how he drives a Mercedes with a navigation system in it so he should have been able to get to Gary's house on time the other night. Artie said that guy must be jealous of him having a Mercedes or something.
Howard had Robin get back to her news but took a call from a guy who asked why Carmen Electra hasn't been on the show. Howard said he thinks she's avoiding it because she got into some trouble for riding the Sybian the last time she was on. He thinks she was banned from the show for a year over that. He said he hopes that she's not trying to reinvent herself because he's seen her out not dressing sexy anymore and things like that. He said that she was very charming the way she was and she shouldn't change.
Robin finished up her news report and Howard ended the show around 11:10am.
Howard started off the show saying he had some new Riley Martin clips to play today. He was also listening to some of Rosie O'Donnell's video blog. She talks to the audience at The View before the show and tapes it for her blog. At one point she was asked if she would ever go on the Howard Stern Show. Rosie said she has gained a lot of respect for Howard since he came out against the FCC and she probably would go on his show one day if she had something to say. She said he used to scare him and he doesn't scare her so much these days. The woman asking the question said that the show may be the best produced show anywhere. Robin said that person was wonderful and wondered where she was from. Howard said he's not going to give that best produced show credit to Gary. He was going to take that for himself.
Howard read some e-mail about that dinner party. Someone said that Howard disrespected Gary and his wife by leaving the party when he did. Howard said he would have walked out on anyone's party if he felt the same way he did that night. Gary said they discussed that yesterday on The Wrap Up Show yesterday. They talked about how he probably wouldn't leave another party if it was someone like Robin. Howard said he's left one party early and they all give him shit about it.
Howard said he stayed at Robin's party for the whole day one time down at the Jersey shore. He said he was there all day and until 10:30 at night so he doesn't leave every party early. Robin said that if someone doesn't want to come to a party to enjoy themselves, they shouldn't come. She told Howard that about her party. Howard was still goofing on Robin for not showing up to Gary's party at all. She's still sticking by her story that she was getting sick though.
Howard read some more mail he got about Gary's party. The arguing was still going on between Howard, Gary and Robin too. Gary was arguing about the time they actually ate and they were only 5 minutes off. The e-mailers were telling Howard that he's being a real prick about the whole thing and he really should apologize. Gary pointed out that Bubba's own producer left his boss's wedding to go watch a football game so that Bubba Boot Camp must be working really well.
One e-mailer said that they're worried that Howard is on heroin after hearing what he did the other night. The writer expected Howard to stand up like a man and apologize for what he did but that didn't happen so they're worried about his mental health. Beth was brought up again so Howard said he spoke to her about the conversations they were having about her. He said she was awake yesterday when Gary called her. She was in the shower or something so she missed the call and didn't call back. He said they might have to call her again today.
Howard said there are some people who side with him. He read some of those e-mails. One guy said that Howard should be allowed to go home if he wants to and that's that. Another writer said that Howard is a shock jock and the arguing over etiquette is ridiculous. Other's were on Howard's side in that but they were also talking about how he's an old man who plays chess and beats off all day. He said he was actually beating off last night to some Savana Samson movies. He said they got Savana's whole catalog of movies so he was checking some of them out. He noticed that they used to pair her up with some really ugly chicks back when she first started out in the business. He said that the women were kind of fat and unattractive so it was kind of a bummer to watch. He said the dudes were kind of creepy looking as well.
Howard said he usually doesn't notice but this one guy had a curved cock that was really distracting. He's noticed that since they started talking about it on the show. Artie said he thinks that Richard is really into that for some reason.
Howard read through some more e-mail and one guy told Howard to take back the car he gave to Robin. He read some mail that didn't have to do with all of that. He said he got some feedback about Sour Shoes and how great he's been on the show lately. The guys talked about how great Sour Shoes' Scott Ferrall impression was. Some e-mailers think that he does it a little too much though.
Howard read an e-mail from someone who was pointing out that Gary must be spending a ridiculous amount of money with that new house of his and that party he threw. A bunch of people were wondering what was going on with him these days. Gary said he paid about $1,900 at auction for that party he had. It was a charity auction thing. In all it probably cost him $2700. He doesn't do that all the time, it was a one time thing.
Howard asked Gary who called him and thanked him for the dinner. Gary said that Howard called, Fred sent a note.. Howard interrupted and asked him who called him. Gary was trying to figure it out but he kept cutting him off. Gary eventually said it was 3 people. Howard, Pam and Tim all called and a few others wrote notes. Artie asked who brought a gift. Howard said everyone did but Artie said it was the most expensive gift. Gary said he got the coveted Sunday tickets for the Yankees. Artie said the tickets are $150 a pop and he gave them four.
Gary said that the house he had built is something he earned. He said that he did a lot of appearances to make the money to pay for the stuff he has in the house. Artie said that he paid for that house with a lot of appearances because he knows the kind of money he makes doing those appearances. Howard said that Gary did a great job and has a beautiful home now. The dinner was very nice and he as very appreciative for him having him over so he called him the next day. Other people didn't even do that. Robin said that all of the ball busting is just in fun.
Howard read one e-mail he found hard to believe. It was a note about that Rev. Bob Levy song parody and how it was ''great'' and they should play it during the news. Artie said it was great but not in the usual way. Howard found the song and played it so everyone could hear it. They were goofing on poor Bob as the song was playing.
Bubba was on the phone so Howard got to him. He said he wasn't going to get into the Bubba Boot Camp thing. He brought up the Fred thing that they were just talking about. Fred said that he gave Bubba $500 for his wedding and didn't get a thank-you. Bubba said that they're still working on the thank-you notes as they speak. He said that he and Heather were talking about it the other day. He said that Heather told him that they have 6 months to get the thank-you notes out so they're still within that time frame.
Robin told Bubba to get the shit off his nose and get out of Howard's ass with this Bubba Boot Camp stuff. Howard took a call from a woman who said that when they went to Bubba's wedding, they came back that Monday and Howard said that Artie going to watch a football game at the wedding was wrong. Howard said it was wrong and he didn't leave because he was tired or something. Artie said he left the wedding with the best man to watch a game he had a lot of money on. Howard said when he left he went home to sleep, not to watch some game. The woman on the phone asked Artie to come up to Maine so he said he'd probably be there today.
Bubba asked his wife Heather to get on the phone so she could talk to Fred. She told Fred that she's still getting the notes together and hasn't sent any to anyone at SIRIUS because she was afraid that someone might get upset. Heather said that she's sorry she didn't send them out yet. Fred said he has no quarrel with Heather, it's with Bubba. Howard told Heather that Bubba was talking about etiquette and all of that so that's why they were discussing this stuff. Heather said she was always taught that you have 6 months to get to the thank-you notes. She's been overwhelmed with stuff since then so she has to do them little by little.
Howard read a note about the proper etiquette about thank-you notes and how they should be sent out as quickly as possible. Then he read that the notes should be sent out within 3 months of the receipt of gifts. Gary said she's past that time then because the 3 months was up in the middle of April. Howard asked Heather what she's so busy with that she hasn't gotten them out yet. She said it's not about that, she's been trying to keep them all together so they all get them at the same time.
Howard said he thinks that not one thank-you note has gone out at all. Heather said that's not true. Howard asked her if they could hook her up to a lie detector test about it. She said that she has sent out thank-you notes to some people and she has a list she could check but she has to get her daughter ready for school. Howard said that it's not him, it's Fred that's offended. Artie said that it's Bubba's fault for sending the note destroying them all there.
Howard asked Heather if it was true she used a 10 inch dildo on herself. She said it was 9 inches and she was just trying to mix things up. She said she did that in the car for Bubba. Heather told Howard that she tries to be spontaneous with Bubba so that sex thing doesn't go away in their marriage. She said that she had the dildo in her purse and pulled it out when there was a moment of quiet in the car. She got naked in the car and then started doing it with the dildo. She said she put her feet up on the dashboard and spread her legs putting the dildo in there. She said she was just trying to have some fun and she's allowed to do that because she is married.
Howard asked Heather for more details. Heather said Bubba has been doing a lot lately and he's always tired doing stuff for the show. She said he's always on the computer e-mailing people. Fred said he's not e-mailing him. Howard said that if Heather was his wife he'd be fucking her a lot. Heather said she probably had a few too many Sake drinks at the restaurant they were at the night she used the dildo. She said he left her shoes on as she was doing all of that. She said Bubba was actually asking her to leave him alone while he was driving. She was trying to get him to fuck her but he just wanted to pay attention to his driving.
Howard said he might have to go over there and fuck Heather in front of Bubba. He said that might turn Bubba on to see a guy banging his wife. Heather said she wasn't asking for that though. She said she had to get going to get her daughter ready for school. Bubba got back on the line and said that they were destroying him this morning and it was brutal. Bubba had to explain why he was turning his wife down in the car that night. He said that lately she just wants to fuck all the time and he's too tired to do it that much.
Bubba said that they did it the other night and she was back to using the dildo after that. He said he had to ask her to chill out with that stuff for a while. Bubba said he really blew it that night in the car. Howard said that's the ultimate love when a woman does something like that in the card. Bubba said the other night she showed up wearing some crotchless panties and f-me heels and he had to ask her to hold on a second while he finished up his work. He said she asked him to come into the room with her but he ended up staying on the computer too long and she had passed out by the time he got into the bedroom.
Howard asked Bubba what he's doing on the computer that's so important. He said he was working on ordering merchandise and transferring money and stuff. Howard asked him if he has a thread on SternFanNetwork that's bigger than Eric the Midget's. Bubba said he really doesn't know. He doesn't post on there, he just reads that stuff.
Ralph called in and asked Bubba what Bubba Boot Camp is and what he can learn from that. He was also complaining that he didn't get a thank-you note. Howard brought up an incident that happened with Ralph at a wedding one time when he was rubbing some chick's nipples with ice cubes but Ralph said they really can't talk about that. Howard told Bubba to get those thank-you notes in the mail. Bubba said he was going to do that after he goes and fucks Heather. Howard let him go but spent a little more time talking about his wedding after he was off the phone.
Bobo called in and said that they really need to get to the bottom of that stuff because there's still a lot of stuff going on during the Wrap Up Show. Howard didn't understand what he was talking about because his phone connection was so bad. He didn't bother answering him.
Howard said he found a clip of that Dropping Loads guy Nick Manning doing a tribute to Harry Carey where he says ''Cubs win, Cubs win'' as he's dropping his load. Howard played that and a clip of Harry Carey saying ''Cubs win'' over and over again. He said that clip of Nick came from the movie ''Screw My Wife #40.'' Artie seemed to think that was pretty funny when he heard it the second time.
Gary got Beth on the phone so she could talk about leaving dinner the other night. Robin wondered what she thought about being dragged out of the party. Beth said that's her life. She said that she never said she loved him because she wanted to get out of the party. She said she thought it was rude that they were leaving and she was actually saying that she was glad that they left because he was going to be miserable if they didn't leave. She said she could have stayed even longer because she was having a very nice conversation with Mary.
Beth said she knows when it's time to leave because she knows what he's like if they stay out too late. Artie and Robin were glad that Beth said that because Howard was making it seem like she was glad to get out of the party.
Beth said Howard was up late the night before because he was worrying about this chess tournament that he was in. Artie said he was glad she called in and straightened this out. He said he knew that she didn't want to leave like Howard was saying she was. Howard went off on Robin for not going to the party at all but she turned it around on him pointing out that his excuse that Beth wanted to leave was bullshit. Howard said that this is going to lead to him staying at parties way to long now and he'll see who drags who away from the parties.
Howard also said that Beth was sleeping in the car on the way home but she said she was actually staring out the window while he read a chess book. Howard changed subjects and told Beth about the dildo thing that they had talked to Heather about. Beth thought he wanted her to do it or something but Howard said he'd probably get freaked out by that and kick her out of the car.
Howard said he was sorry if he dragged Beth out of the party. She said she's just happy to be with him no matter what. She said she knows that he has to get going when he gets tired though. Beth said she was feeling kind of bad that Mary went to the kitchen to get the desert package ready for them. Then when she left she was worried about who she didn't get to say goodbye to. Beth said Howard is exhausted a lot because he's got so many things going on in his life. Howard said he guesses he's wrong for leaving early.
Beth said that getting Howard out to the party like that was something that amazed her. Howard said Beth told him that she wanted to just go out to dinner with the two of them and not to the dinner party. Beth said that wasn't true. Artie said no one in there believed what Howard was saying. They found it hard to believe that Beth would say something like that. Gary told Beth that Howard has insulted everyone in there for things they've done in the past because he left the party early.
Beth said that her family wants to throw them an engagement party out there in Pittsburgh. Howard said they don't really want to do that and they don't even know anyone out there. He doesn't believe that Beth's father really wants to do something like that. Beth said he really does though. She was still out in Pittsburgh but she'd be coming home today. Howard told her to hurry up and get home. He said he'd like to go out there and check it out sometime. Artie said it's actually a great city and he loves going out there.
Howard asked Beth if any guys hit on her out there. She said she's been working and staying with her family so there haven't been any guys hitting on her. Howard said he can't wait for her to come home. He said they usually go out to dinner on the weekends and are in bed by 8:30. Beth knew they were going to be in trouble when Howard had the wine and stuff before dinner. That made Howard tired. Howard said he started drinking the wine to fill up because he wasn't eating so that's why he got so tired. Robin said he hopes he learned his lesson there. Howard said the lesson is that people should throw their parties earlier. He said they should have dinner around 5 instead of 7.
Artie said that Howard was very supportive of the things he does and came to his movie premiere. Howard said he even stayed for the after party. Gary said that what Howard was saying is the stuff that he wants everyone to hear. Howard called hi