Sarah Silverman - April 21, 2010. 03/04/15. 7:45am
Next on today's unnamed special they played a Sarah Silverman interview from 2010. Here's my rundown from that day:
Sarah Silverman Visits. 04/21/10. 8:35am
After the break we heard a prank call the guys made using Ed McMahon audio clips. Fred also played James Taylor ''Carolina In My Mind'' as they were coming back.
Howard came back and said that Sarah Silverman is coming in and she got $2.5 million to write her book ''The Bedwetter: Stories of Courage, Redemption, and Pee.'' Howard said that Sarah was looking good and looked like she lost some weight. Sarah said she's been trying hard.
Howard said he sees Sarah making out with this guy she's dating. Sarah said it was one lunch they had and it's showing up everywhere. She said that she was on his lap once and they had tons of cameras taking shots of them. Howard said it's weird to see her like that. Howard said it never looked quite right when she was getting physical with Jimmy Kimmel.
Howard said he felt like Sarah was cheating on Jimmy when he saw her with that other guy. Howard said Sarah did knock Jimmy a little bit in Playboy magazine. He said she said something about how she's used to a certain kind of guy but this new guy isn't like that at all. Sarah said that she was really complimentary to Jimmy in that article. She said they twisted her words to make it seem negative. She said she has no reason to bash him.
Howard read the quote he was talking about and it was about how she usually likes pudgy, macho guys but this new guy isn't like that. Howard said she also said something about this new guy being more emotional. Sarah said she really likes Jimmy and she has nothing bad to say about him.
Sarah said that they twist her words no matter what she says. She said she could say she doesn't want to talk about stuff but she can't do that either. Howard said that there's not much you can do about hurting someone's feelings.
Howard said it was really weird to see Sarah making out with this guy. Sarah said it's not weird. She said it turns out that the Bachelor and his girlfriend were there at the restaurant too so that's why they were taking pictures.
Howard said Sarah has lost all of this weight and he wonders what Jimmy thinks of that. Sarah said she wasn't fat. Howard said she wasn't but she has lost some weight. Howard asked if she lost it because of this new guy. Sarah said she lost it before she met him. Howard said he likes what he sees.
Sarah was saying that she told a joke about having a bruise on her butt from this guy who she's dating and people thought she was serious. Sarah said it was all jokes from her arsenal of jokes. She said she told that one on Letterman and they took it seriously.
Howard said he saw that Sarah was on The View and she was good on there. He said she's a really good guest. He told her that she did a good job. Sarah said they're such hens but she does love them.
Howard asked if the boyfriend does spank her. Sarah said he doesn't really spank her but he might give her a whack on the ass once in a while. She said everyone loves that once in a while. Howard asked if they do any role playing or racial playing. Sarah said they don't do that much.
Howard gave Sarah a plug for this new book she has out called ''The Bedwetter: Stories of Courage, Redemption, and Pee.'' He asked her about the money she made on that and Sarah said it's like the most money she's made collectively. She said she's finally going to own her apartment now that she has that money. Howard said he heard that the apartment is really small. Sarah said she's like the poorest, non-controversial, comedian out there. Sarah said she would rather just play a friend in a movie than have a lead role. That led to them talking about the movies that come out with hot chicks who can't find a date. They talked about Jennifer Biel and Jennifer Aniston being those women who do movies like that.
Howard said he's going out to L.A. soon and jimmy Kimmel is throwing a big party for them. He said that Sarah can't make it to the party because it would be too uncomfortable or something. Sarah said she hasn't been on Jimmy's show since they broke up. She said it would be too weird.
Howard said Jimmy is going to have this huge party and barbecue for him and Beth. He said Jimmy is running the guest list past him before he does it. Howard said it sounds like it'll be fun.
Howard asked Sarah about the $2.5 million she got for this book and if she feels pressure to sell it now. Sarah said she already wrote it and she doesn't put pressure on herself like that. Sarah said the book was due in may and she passed it in 8 months late to make sure it was good. Sarah said she's not ruled by money but she's super proud of the book.
Howard asked if she has any revelations like fucking Tiger Woods or anything like that. Sarah said of course she does, that's in chapter 3. Howard said she should invest the money she got from the book. Sarah said she's going to put it aside for when she needs it.
Howard said when Sarah was on Saturday Night Live she had a tough time. She wrote a ton of sketches and they never used any. Sarah said that's because they were terrible and she just realized that recently. She said she kept them all these years and she saw how bad they were. Sarah said she was there for a year and it was like the greatest comedy boot camp working there. Sarah said she didn't feel bitter about it. Sarah said working there didn't define her so she's kind of happy about that.
Sarah said she was at SNL when people like Adam Sandler, Mike Myers and Michael McKean were there. She said she was there the year they did the sketch of Howard with Michael McKean playing him. Howard remembered that. He asked if they found her doing stand-up. Sarah said she didn't have an audition because she was hired as a writer. She said she had just one eyebrow at the time too.
Howard asked Sarah if anyone hit on her at SNL. Sarah said that no one really did. She said Adam kind of looked at her like a little sister. She said that Spade always tried to see her naked in the changing room. She said he's a friend now though. Howard said Sarah has put in her time and the money wasn't just handed to her. Sarah said that's true.
Sarah said that she was asked to write a book in the past but she didn't feel it was time yet. She said that she figured she had something in her this time.
Howard asked if she's doing book signings. Sarah said that she does and she has a very eclectic group that show up. She said that she has young girls, young guys, big fat smelly milky asshole type guys too. She said they don't do laundry and they don't wipe properly. Sarah said she has been with guys who have that asshole juice smell. Howard said that's his worst nightmare. He said he's no picnic back there so he showers.
Sarah said she thinks of Christy Christy and what she has to do. Howard told Sarah about the story Richard told earlier about going to the dermatologist and not having showered for days. Howard told her about the stink he had and how he hadn't showered yet.
Howard asked Sarah if she can imagine what Richard's balls smell like. She said she knows exactly what they're like because she smelled them one time. She said that it was like bad milk that was left in the trunk of a car during the summer. Sarah said if someone just mentioned his balls she can smell them.
Howard said he pees there at work and sometimes his balls smell strong even though he showered the night before. Sarah said it's a very princessy thing to shower the night before. Howard said he has to because he doesn't want to get up at 3 in the morning to shower.
Howard talked to Sarah about how she banged her boyfriend the first night they were together. He said she can't possibly do that with every guy. Sarah said she doesn't but she knows when she knows. Howard asked how bad it is when a guy smells down there. She said that it kills the mood. She said that it's hard to say if she'd dump the guy.
Howard asked if she's ever had to retreat after going down there. Sarah said she's probably been a sport in the past but now she'll say something.
Howard said he saw that Sarah did this TED Awards thing. Sarah said they're not awards, they're just talks. She said that she was asked to do this thing and she was already a fan. She said she felt betrayed because the guy who ran the thing bad mouthed her. She said it went so well they brought her back on stage after she did her 18 minutes. Sarah said she killed and she knew it. Howard read that the head of this thing told her she was terrible. He was offended by what she did.
Sarah said she had to leave right after it and she had to go to Haiti. She said she went to help them out and the next morning the guy apologized for having her there. She said he Twittered about her and she thinks that one of the rich people complained so he was responding to that. She said he said that he thought she was god awful at the event.
Sarah said she had told some jokes about how she wanted to adopt and how she wanted to adopt a mentally challenged baby. Sarah said she came up with a way to adopt a mentally challenged baby with a terminal illness so she doesn't have to worry about the baby when she's old and dying. Sarah said they were mad at that joke. Howard was laughing and asked who would get mad at that.
Sarah said they had a person with autism speak that day and she never did say ''retard'' during her speech. She said it was ''retarded'' or ''mentally challenged.'' Sarah said this guy Chris Anderson started this TED thing and he likes to associate himself with smart, rich people. She said that she Twittered about him after he came out against her and went off on him. She said that's when other people jumped in and got in on the bashing. Sarah said Steve Case from AOL was saying something about there not being funny and it was like people were ganging up on her by grown up intellectual types.
Howard said it must be tough to have to go home and think about that stuff. Sarah said that the guy didn't even post her performance and they claim they don't have the space to put it up. Howard said he's demanding that they do put it up.
Sarah said she didn't even want to talk about that anymore. Howard said he wants to see Sarah's book go to number one on the best seller list. He said she needs a molestation story in the book. Sarah said she was hung out of a high rise by her feet when she was a kid. Howard said she should tell stories about how her sister molested her like Mo'Nique's family did on Oprah.
Howard said he loved Octomom on Oprah yesterday. Sarah said she heard about that and she has to go check that out. Howard said she really does have to see it. He told Sarah if she wants to go on Oprah she should say that Howard Stern taped her in the bathroom with a hidden camera. Sarah said that's really tempting.
Howard gave Sarah a plug for her book ''The Bedwetter: Stories of Courage, Redemption, and Pee'' and gave her some plugs for some upcoming book signings. Here are a few of those dates:
- 4/22/10 6:30 PM at Borders Books – 1801 K Street. Washington DC.
- 4/23/10 6:00 PM at Brookline Booksmith – Harvard Street. Brookline, MA.
- 4/28/10 7:30 PM at BookPeople – North Lamar. Austin, TX.
- 4/29/10 7:00 PM at Book Soup – Sunset Blvd. West Hollywood, CA.
Sarah told Howard a story about going to see an old friend at the Laugh Factory and she ran up and kissed the guy. She said she got this crap on her face from kissing her and it turns out he had just finished eating out a chick and she realized that right after she kissed him. Sarah said she guessed it right when she asked the guy about it. Sarah said that story is in her book.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Sarah about how she didn't shave when she was with Jimmy. He asked if she's shaving with the new guy. Sarah said she does groom it but she likes a nice, neat, triangle that's trimmed. She said it's respectable and grown woman-ish. Howard asked her how much weight she lost. Sarah said it's like 10-13 pounds. Sarah said that this iPhone app ''Lose it'' is what has helped her do it.
Another caller asked Sarah if she wanted him to take care of that guy who runs TED. She said that's fine, he can live with his own non-accomplishments.
Another caller said he saw Sarah on some show and she looked really hot. She was on Regis and Kelly. She said that she was wearing a very unflattering shirt on that show. Howard asked why she would do that. Sarah said she didn't realize it until she was on. Howard told her to hire a stylist. Sarah said she's not into that.
Howard asked if she followed J-Lo on the show. Sarah said she did and it was a big deal. Howard asked if Marc Anthony was there. Sarah said she didn't see him there. Sarah said she did slip in how she hates to see her leave but she loves to watch her go.
Howard said they didn't have a copy of the book there and Gary said they refused to send one over. Howard said he would have read the book and asked her about it but they didn't send one over. Sarah said that was un-fucking-believable. Sarah said they told her to tell Howard to say the book was great and now this is making her crazy hearing that they don't even have a copy. Howard said he really would have read it if they had sent one over. Sarah showed Howard the copy she had but it wasn't a completed book. Howard said that was a very regal picture of her on the cover.
Howard asked Sarah about how her father sits around making fun of people at Target. Sarah said he does that at Starbucks actually. She said he loves to heckle people when they go into Starbucks and he's been punched in the face 3 times in the past 3 years.
Howard asked Sarah what kind of pictures are in the book. She said there are some tits but not her's. Sarah said she has some with girls from the Bunny Ranch. Sarah said they were at the Playboy mansion but they were whores, not Playboy girls. She had done an appearance with Artie out there and that's when those pictures were taken.
Howard asked Sarah about who she dedicated her book to. She said she did that and she dedicated it to her family and her step-dad. Sarah said she really loved him. Howard asked if she wrote the forward herself too. She said she did that and she came up with a ''midword'' which is something new for books.
Sarah was still upset that they didn't send a book to Howard. She said she's out busting her ass promoting the book and they didn't send him a copy. Howard said she should use her own PR firm to do that for her. Sarah said she knows she should.
Howard gave Sarah some more plugs for the book and book signings. He asked if she signs every book. Sarah said she absolutely does. She said she loves talking to people too. She said she would like to talk to people longer but the book store people rush them along. Sarah said she will shake hands too but she has Purell around her at all times.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he loves Sarah so much and he wants to know what color panties she's wearing. Sarah said they were pink and purple horizontal stripes. She said that it wasn't a thong though. Howard said he pictures her with big panties. Sarah said she does like them to be baggy. Howard had to wrap up and go to break a short time later.
Psych Vs. Little Mikey - January 20, 2011. 03/04/15. 9:50am
Next on today's unnamed vacation special they played a Psych vs. Little Mikey segment. Here's my rundown from that day:
Little Mikey Vs. Psych. 01/20/11. 7:25am
After the break we heard a prank call Richard made to a guy asking him to give his friend a message about getting his porn back. Fred also played Sheryl Crow's ''If it Makes You Happy'' as they were coming back.
Howard came back and played a new Little Mikey song parody about Robin. Howard said that The two guys who write songs about Robin are Mikey and this guy Psych. Howard said that they're apparently having a feud. Howard said he asked them to come on the air with him so he can work this out.
Howard had Psych on the phone and he said he was sick from hearing that song that he had just played. Howard asked Mikey to say hi too. Howard played some of Mikey's songs and Psych said he was going to hang up. Mikey accused him of stealing some of his songs. Howard asked Psych what his problem is. Psych said he had no problem with him but Mikey accused him of stealing his song. He's not even sure what song he stole. Mikey said it's the For The Longest Time Billy Joel song.
Psych said he tries to hit songs up the next day. He said that he doesn't remember Mikey's songs. He said he's only been on since December of last year so he doesn't know everything that's been going on. He said he has to tell Mikey to leave him alone in the email. Howard asked how he even got the email. Mikey said he never threatened him. Psych said he sent the email to Sal. He told Howard to have him bring in.
Psych said that he sent some songs into Sal and he played one on the air. He said that he figured Sal was the guy to send the songs to.
Howard asked Mikey why this bothers him because they play his stuff all the time. Mikey said he thinks that his songs are better and Psych doesn't really do anything new with his songs. Robin said he has great production values. Mikey said that he doesn't change the lyrics that much. He doesn't change them that much. Psych said that they're about Robin and he doesn't have to. Howard played his cover of Big Big Bang which was one that Mikey complained about.
Psych said that he has raised the bar for song parodies and they have to admit that. He said that Mikey thinks that he can keep him off the show and it's just not right. He also said that he heard Howard saying that Mikey might get a job there. Howard said that he was in a meeting and someone mentioned that he wanted a job and he thought it would be a good idea. He said that he told the guys to talk to Mikey about a job. He said it has nothing to do with Psych. Psych said he has a job but he would like to be more integral to the show. He said he'd like to have celebrities do song parodies. He played a new one he did yesterday.
Psych said that he'd like to get the celebrities to do parodies. He said that all they'd have to do is hear the song and do some lines. Howard said it won't work. He said that they're not going to play along with his ideas. Howard said they're not going to sing about cumming on Robin's face. Psych said that they could even email the stuff. Howard said that Mikey is talented too.
Psych said that he's really a musician so he plays everything in the songs. Mikey said he's a musician too. He said he plays guitar on his tunes. Psyche said that he can tell he does the karaoke stuff. Psyche said that he plays all of the instruments on almost all of his songs. He said he didn't do it for the Big Big Bang but just about everything else. He had Howard play one of his Billy Joel song covers. Howard played that and got some laughs out of that.
Psych told Howard about how much effort he puts into his songs and how he can do impressions of people singing. He said Mikey doesn't do that. Mikey said he's an original and he doesn't have to rip people off and steal songs.
Howard asked Mikey if he has been sending emails to Psych. He said he has but he's just letting him know that he's re-doing his songs. Psych asked if they have his cover of ''For the Longest Time.'' Howard actually did have that one so he played it. Mikey's version was good. Howard said that he liked that one so Psych said that he should take a poll and ask the fans to vote.
Howard asked Mikey which song is his favorite. Mikey told him to pull up Nuts On Her Chin and another one. Psych said that Robin said that he's her favorite. Howard asked if that's true. Robin said he is her favorite. Howard played Mikey's ''Nuts On Her Chin'' and said that Mikey has a funny singing voice. He said that anything he sings is hysterical. Howard asked if they would ever work on a song together. Psych said he wouldn't do that. He said he's just going to keep writing better songs.
Mikey said he never said he was going to try and keep him off the show. Psych said he has. Mikey said that he's lying about him right now. Psych said he's not lying. He asked Sal to bring in that email if he has it. Sal wasn't responding to his request.
Sal eventually came in and said that he hasn't seen this email that he's talking about. He said he just got a description of the email that he claims Mikey sent to him. Mikey said that Psych hasn't seen one either. Psych said that Mikey said that he has a way to get him off the show. Mikey said he never said that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he thinks he blows both of those guys away. His connection was really bad though so Howard had to hang up. Another caller asked Robin which song is her favorite out of the two guys. Psych said he has 63 songs. Robin said Mikey has like a billion.
Psych asked why Howard plays the Richard Christy songs. Howard said he does some good ones. Psych said he didn't like that one. Howard said that Richard does some of the funniest KC songs he's ever heard. He said that he did KC's Gay and others.
Psych said that it takes time away from him and Mikey when he plays those. Howard said that's the way competition goes.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he has to give Mikey his props and he has been around for a while. Howard said that Mikey might feel kind of territorial about his songs. Howard asked Mikey why he won't work with Psych. Mikey said that he's lying about stuff and he doesn't work with liars. Psych just laughed.
Howard said he's going to play a couple of their tunes to celebrate them. Robin said she likes Mikey's voice and Psych's production values. She said that you can see his work in his songs. Another caller said that they're ruining this whole thing by arguing about it.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that she's a big Little Mikey fan and she asked him to write her a new song. Howard had to hang up on her when she started to sing. Mikey said he has a song for Mariann actually.
Howard played some of Mikey and Psych songs. He went back and forth with their stuff like a mini battle of the bands.
After playing a bunch of their stuff Howard said that they should both be flattered with themselves. Robin said that neither one should be jealous. Psych said he'll bury the hatchet. He said that he heard Mikey doing the parodies and he inspired him. He said that if he didn't hear him then he wouldn't have done them. He said that he may not have even gotten them on the air if Sal didn't listen to them. He said he sent them to Jason and Gary too and they didn't get them on the air. Howard said that he has to have a meeting with them about that. He said he's going to do a full investigation.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that these guys obviously have no life. He said that Mikey has no production but that's what made Ham Hands Bill so great. Howard said he loves a feud.
Psych asked Mikey if he has a job. Mikey said he does. Psych said he puts a lot of time into his songs and he barely gets any sleep. Howard said all he knows is that he's talented.
Jeff the Drunk called in and said that they're both great. Howard said he loves that they have a feud. Psych got in a plug for his web site PsychMusic.com. Mikey got in a plug for his site too... LittleMikeyOnline.com. Mikey said that Psych has Howard's voice on his site. Psych said he was trying to bury the hatchet with him and he goes and does that.
Anther caller said that they have to stop with this complaining and just leave it alone. He said he writes songs for Gary and they're not creating anything new there.
Robin said she can't believe this. Howard thanked the guys for the call and said they're fans of both of them. Howard said he wanted to talk to Joan Rivers who had just shown up. He went to break after that.