- Howard's New Band. 03/12/14. 6:00am
Show opening bits and songs included: Ben Stern singing ''Old Man River,'' a Baba Booey song parody, John Fogerty performing ''Bad Moon Rising'' and ''Fortunate Son'' live at the Howard Stern Birthday Bash.
Howard started the show asking Fred if he's going to keep playing the live version of ''Great American Nightmare.'' Fred said he's going to mix it up and next week he may go back to the studio version.
Howard said he's thinking about starting a new band with a new name. Robin said she didn't know he was going to have a new name. Howard said he was thinking ''Fleetwood Hack.'' He said that would be a nod to Fleetwood Mac.
Howard said a lot of guys want to be in it. Howard said Rich Gibbons from their channels wants to be in it. Fred said both of the Gibbons boys seem to be very musical. Howard said he was playing with him yesterday and he's very good. Howard said he bought this board to record his music on and Rich was helping him set it up. He said he asked Rich if he auditioned for the band and Rich said he has his name in. Howard said he's going to do auditions there on the air. Howard said Richard is a great drummer so he doesn't have to audition. Some guys think he may have to audition though. Fred said he is just an awesome drummer. Howard said he needs to get him on the air though. That's the whole idea of this thing.
Howard said JD offered to play triangle. He said that there was a band in the 90s and they had an old guy in the band who just kind of stood there. Gary said it was like Arrested Development or something. Howard said the old guy just walked around and he was kind of cool. Gary said that was the band, Arrested Development. Howard said he liked that song Tennessee. Fred said he'd try to find it.
Howard said he may just have JD be that kind of guy in the band. He said he doesn't have any songs with triangle in it but he could write one. Howard said JD never did learn to do anything like that even though he had no social life. Gary said JD just told him he was in the drama club. Howard said he didn't learn elocution or anything. Gary said he was Maxwell Smart in a school play. Howard said he was Mumbling Maxwell Smart.
Howard said he just learned that Agent 99 from Get Smart is 81 years old. He said he beat off to her when he was a kid. He said he can now say he beat off to an 81 year old. Howard said he thinks he may have beat off to some dead people too. He said he has banged women who have actually died. He said they didn't die while they were in bed with him though. He said he just realized that the other day. He said he thinks about that sometimes. He said he thinks about the dirty things they did and now they're dead. Howard said it's weird.
- Gary's Birthday Celebration. 03/12/14. 6:10am
Howard said it's Gary's birthday on Friday so today is the birthday show for him. Howard said there won't be any guests because he's busy with other things. Howard said they're going to have the world's most famous radio producers so only Gary will be there. He said he knows there are other producers out there but only because Gary was doing it first. Howard said they don't need Gary in there for the celebration.
Howard played a couple of birthday songs for Gary and one of them had Richard Simmons ''Gary!'' clips in it. Howard said that's so irritating. He said Richard used to come to his house for dinner and it was so obnoxious. Howard said he figured he would drop that whole thing in private but it was 50 times worse. Howard said he would squeeze them when he hugged them. He said it hurt. Howard said that guy is an angry dude. He said they would make food and Richard would whip the food into the pool. He said he likes the guy but he can't socialize with him. He said it has to be really exhausting being Richard.
Howard said he has The Boss there for Gary's birthday. He said he means himself when he says The Boss. Howard said they're going to take a walk down Gary memory lane. Howard said Gary turns 53 this week.
Howard said he has a song that Jon Hein sang for Gary. He said Jon and Gary are in love. He said they both seem to love each other. He played the song that Jon sang to Gary. He sang about how in love with Gary he is. Howard said that was really creepy.
Howard said he remembers when Gary was a baby chimp. He said no tribute would be right if they didn't get to how he got the name Baba Booey. Howard played the clip where Gary first uttered the words ''Baba Booey.'' Howard said he even said in that clip what the character's real name was. Howard said Gary always argues with him about that stuff. Howard said that's one of his favorite Gary moments.
Howard played a clip of Mark the Bagger singing a song about Gary for his birthday. Howard said another great moment in Gary history was when Gary got squirted in the eye with a woman's jizz. Howard said Gary was working a sex machine when it happened. Gary said he was just feet away from her vagina. He said it was one of the worst moments for him ever on the show. Howard played the clip and when the woman squirted she shot Gary in the face. Gary said that was so wrong. He said he had no idea that was going to happen.
Howard played another birthday song for Gary and said that he will live on forever. Robin said those teeth will live on forever. Howard said many years from now they're going to think that man had teeth the size of a saber tooth tiger.
Howard said for years Sal would torture Gary in the back office. Howard played some calls that Sal made to Gary where he called him a Horse Tooth Jackass. Howard said there you go. He said Baba Booey is turning 53.
Howard said someone called in and said she was Madonna's sister and Gary came in and interrupted to get her on the air. Howard said this woman was really out of it and she was obviously not Madonna's sister. Howard played another clip from that day. It was basically Howard goofing on Gary about screwing that up. Howard said he wishes they had tape of her actually talking. He said she was obviously someone who was out of it.
Howard played another Baba Booey birthday song parody and then said that he loved Gary's love tape. He played a clip from that and said he loved when Gary smacked himself on the back of the head to get the word ''marriage'' out when he was saying there could be a possibility of that some day.
Howard played another birthday song parody about Baba Booey from Psych. Howard said they have so many songs for Gary. He said this is some birthday celebration.
Howard said you want to remember Gary's pitch too. Howard played a clip of some announcers commenting on that pitch. Howard played a song parody about that pitch too.
Gary said he's the only one who doesn't need to be there for his own birthday celebration. Gary said this is amazing and it's on par with Howard's. Howard played another song parody about Baba Booey's birthday.
Howard asked if Gary was done with his speech. Gary said he was done. Howard asked Robin if she had anything to say. Robin said this is off the cuff. Howard said his birthday isn't until Friday. Robin said that it has been a pleasure with Gary over however many years it's been. Robin said she wouldn't have missed a second of the highs and the lows.
Howard played another song parody about Gary's teeth and lips. Howard said it's nice when you have a star like Eli Braden making a song about you. Howard said he had an NAACP award winner making a speech for him too.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who asked if Gary's wife is going to do something special for him. Howard said she's letting him live in the house. Howard said maybe she'll let him have the first choice of chicken. Gary said his wife's birthday is on Saturday so they'll be going out to dinner and he'll get first choice of food.
Howard said the star of Sharknado 2 is there. He asked if he had anything to say. Benjy said happy birthday and then they played his practice scream from the other day. Howard played another song parody too. Howard said that's enough of the birthday celebration.
- Booey Bombs From Mariann And Joey Boots. 03/12/14. 6:25am
Howard said that Cynthia Lynn was on Hogan's Heroes and she just died. Howard said she played Helga. Howard said she's dead and gone. Robin said that's terrible. Howard said they're there celebrating Gary's birthday and she'll never be there.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who wished Gary a Happy Birthday. She said she got in a couple of Baba Booey on some news casts. Mariann said they were doing reports on double parking. She said she was hiding behind a garbage truck. She said she ran on when someone told her she was live.
Howard said she was so bad at it that you could barely hear her. Howard played the clip and Mariann gave it a try. Howard said Joey Boots is so good at it that he scares the reporters. Howard said Joey got arrested for that. He said he goes in and starts fighting with people. He said he's an angry guy.
Howard played a clip of Mariann doing her Baba Booey Bomb. Howard said you may not even hear her. Howard played the clip and you can hear Mariann yelling in the background but just barely. She got in a Howard Stern and a Baba Booey mention. The reporter said they had a little Baba Booey action going on there.
Mariann said that the reporters will turn on you. She said they get really angry. Joey was saying that he isn't doing anything illegal but he ends up getting into fights.
Howard played a clip of Joey Boots getting in a Baba Booey on the local ABC news. Joey is very loud and says Howard Stern's penis and starts to say Robin's name when he gets cut off. Howard said one of the news crew people called him an asshole. Howard said this is the same thing but a tape from a different perspective. One of the guys called Joey a fucking asshole. Joey said it's not illegal to be an asshole. Howard said Joey whipped out that he's a disabled veteran. He said it takes things down a notch. They asked Joey what he does for a living. They asked how much he gets paid to do that. They asked if he knows they're working there. They were complaining about him interrupting. They seem to think that Joey got paid to do that stuff.
Howard said he doesn't tell anyone to do this stuff. He said he really doesn't. Mariann said that they're superfans and they do it for Howard.
Howard said in the clip they were saying they can't arrest Joey but the reporter can say they feel threatened so they send the cops after him. Howard played a clip where Joey was being questioned by the cops and the reporter said she felt threatened.
Mariann said that Joey is trying to call in but all circuits are busy. She said he just texted her. Mariann said she doesn't have the ability to tape it all. She said she gets so nervous. Howard said that's because she's normal. Howard said she's gone off the deep end if she is comfortable doing that.
Howard cut Mariann off when she started telling him about being on Leiberman Live last night. Howard had Joey Boots on the phone after that. Joey said he got arrested and he has to go back to court on May 28th. He said that the phrase ''Howard Stern's Penis'' is protected speech. He said that he has protected speech when he's out in public. Howard said they used to fine the radio station when he would say things. Howard said it's the station's obligation to be on a delay. He said it's not Joey's responsibility. Howard said their point of view is that Joey is being a dick. Joey said it's not illegal to be a dick. Howard said he knows.
Howard said he thinks Joey will win his case. Joey said he knows he will. Joey said Howard should follow him on Twitter @JoeyBoots. Howard said everyone wants him to follow him. Howard said he's followed people but he ends up unfollowing. Howard said he was following a woman who he unfollowed and she asked him why he did that. Howard said he didn't think she was that interesting. He said someone told Beth not to tweet pictures of her cats. Howard said someone went off on her for that. Howard said she blocks people but he doesn't. Howard said if you don't like what someone is tweeting then unfollow them. Howard said he never blocks though. He said it's really lame shit that they post. He said they say he wears a wig and things like that. Howard said they can say whatever they want and he doesn't care.
Joey said he's going on TMZ Live today. He said he'll be talking about his arrest. Howard said that's great. He let Joey go after that.
- Twitter Discussions And Ronnie's Biopsy. 03/12/14. 6:40am
Howard said he followed a guy on Twitter named Tim Holz. He said he's an artist. Howard said he knows he'll get a lot of tweets asking why he's following people. Howard said he was following 69 people at one time and someone pointed out that it was really lame that he had that number. Howard said he has no idea how many people he's following.
Gary said he will go see who these people are who say stuff about him on Twitter. He said he had one guy who was tweeting nasty stuff to him and he only had 12 people following him. Gary said he had 5000 tweets and only 12 people are following him.
Howard said he unfollowed Gary. He said he wants to follow photography stuff and things like that. Howard said he doesn't want to see personal discussions. Gary said Howard unfollowed them all. Benjy told Howard he still follows one staffer. That was Jon Hein. Howard said Jon must not annoy him with his tweets. Benjy said he still follows JD too. Howard said he must have forgotten to unfollow him.
Robin asked if he follows Ronnie. Howard said he had to unfollow Ronnie immediately. Howard said it's all about strippers and he can't spell and his grammar is so bad. Howard said you lose all respect for him. He said he spells more words wrong than he spells them right. Howard said most guys like Ronnie don't know how to tweeted but someone taught him. He said he was doing that girl of the week thing. He said he had to stop following him.
Howard said Ronnie's beard looks crazy. He said his hair is a color that isn't like a human hair color. Howard said he has to stop with that. Ronnie said that's fine. Howard said his tweets look like hieroglyphics. Ronnie said he just tweets people back in the morning. He said he's not an English major. Howard said they weren't confused by that. Howard said he knows he's not an English major. Howard said Ronnie still uses a Blackberry. Ronnie said he doesn't like the iPhone. He said he has the Q10 or whatever the hell it's called.
Ronnie said that his Twitter is going crazy now. He said that he doesn't do any of that during the show though.
Howard played a clip where a radio host was reading about people who passed away and they had one for a 102 year old Ronnie Mund.
Robin asked what kind of radio that was. Howard said it was Tradio and they gave them a phony obituary. Howard said you'd think he was the president by the way she was reading that. Howard said they mentioned all of his grandchildren and it was the staff names.
Howard said Ronnie was funny on the Wrap Up Show yesterday. He said Ronnie knows how to mess with Jon Leiberman. Howard said Robin needs to hear this. Howard said he got pissed when he heard Ronnie has never had a colonscopy. Ronnie said he had something worse. He said he had a biopsy on his prostate.
Ronnie said that they told him that he should have some tests done. He said that one doctor told him he was fine but other doctors said he should be tested. He said he's awake for this thing and they take this cream and put it up your ass first. He said then they take a giant tube and stick that up your ass. He said that it's the worst. Ronnie said this thing has a camera in it and they have a probe in it. He said they stick a needle in your prostate to numb it. He said you start pissing and you don't even realize it. Howard said this sounds like one of his sex tapes. Ronnie said you piss and don't feel it because you're numb. He said they stick this other thing in and they take 12 biopsies. He said they talk about the different sections of what it is. He said you hear them dropping it in a cup. He said he did this on their last vacation. He said he was pissing blood for like 2 weeks after that. He said it didn't really hurt though.
Howard asked where he did that. Ronnie said it was in the hospital in the city. He said it took a total of about an hour. He said he was able to drive himself home. He said they told him not to worry about having sex but he'd be shooting blood for a while. He said that lasted longer than the pee. Howard said Ronnie had to fuck though. Ronnie said he doesn't wear a condom usually but he did for that.
Howard said it's going to be so much worse if he gets colon cancer. Howard said he gets a nice nap when he gets that tested. Howard said it's not that bad. He said it's not a big deal. He told Ronnie he should get it done. Ronnie said he doesn't want to shit his brains out. Howard said it's not that bad.
- Ronnie's Hair Vs. Jon Leiberman's Hair. 03/12/14. 6:55am
Howard said Ronnie was on the Wrap Up show yesterday and Ronnie was busting Jon Leiberman's balls about his hair. Howard played a clip where they were talking about Ronnie's thinning hair and he ends up talking about how Jon Leiberman is going to be bald by the time he's his age.
Leiberman came in and Howard said he has hair. He played more of the clip where Ronnie and Leiberman were going back and forth arguing about who is going to go bald and if Leiberman uses hair color or not. Leiberman denies that he uses that stuff. Ronnie kept telling him that he's on his way to going bald. Leiberman doesn't think that's the case.
Howard asked why Leiberman lets Ronnie get to him. Leiberman said that it comes out of nowhere and he can't control that sometimes. He said that's what happened yesterday. He said he has more hair than Ronnie. He said it's a lot more. Ronnie said it's thin on top and he's doing the comb over thing. Leiberman asked what he's talking about and said he has to be kidding. Ronnie said he's doing the comb over. Howard asked how old he is. Leiberman said he's 39. He said he has no grasp of those terms. He said he combs his hair to the side, that's it.
Ronnie said he is losing his hair. Leiberman kept arguing with him saying that he isn't losing it. He said Ronnie is the one losing his hair and coloring his hair. He said it's ridiculous that he has no accusations grounded in fact. Ronnie was cracking up and that had Howard and Robin laughing too.
Leiberman said that Ronnie has admitted to coloring his hair. He said he's not sure why he's projecting his confession on him. Howard said Ronnie thinks that Jon will be bald. He said he does have a high forehead. Howard said he should get pictures of him to see if his forehead has grown. Jon sarcastically said that's a great idea.
Jon said that his father is still alive and he's got a full head of hair. He said he's in his 70s. He said he'd be thrilled if he has a full head of hair at 70. Jon said he thinks he has a nice head of hair for his age. He said Ronnie does too. He said a lot of 39 year olds have no hair. Howard said Ronnie had a lot more hair than Jon does at this age. Howard said Ronnie had a lot of hair and he's been around him for many years. Ronnie said he had more hair in his 50s than Jon does now.
Ronnie said Jon should have left the show yesterday. He said he can't handle this stuff. Robin said that he was so eloquent defending his hair. Howard said he thinks he's gained some weight. Jon said he's actually lost 20 pounds. Jon asked if Howard wanted him to come over there. Howard said that he was fine there.
Howard asked if Jon follows Ronnie on Twitter. Jon said he may have to unfollow him because he has to read about his hair first thing in the morning.
Jon said he's happy with his hair. Ronnie said he is too. Howard said he has to take a break now. Howard said Ronnie just pointed out a bald spot on Jon's head. Ronnie was cracking up again and pointing out the spot. Robin and Howard were cracking up. Ronnie was too but Jon wasn't saying a word. Robin said she's never seen anything like this. Howard went to break a short time later.
- A Few Minutes With King Of All Blacks. 03/12/14. 7:15am
After the break Howard came right back and took a call from King of All Blacks. Howard said he has to be quick because he's getting so many negative emails. King told him he's starting to like Ronnie lately. He said he thought he was a racist and a prick but he seems like a good dude.
Howard said he thought King was kind of fucked up on Leiberman live with his thoughts on gay marriage and things like that. King said he's not like that. He said if he really heard him explain what he felt it made sense. Howard said he heard him. King said he thinks they should be able to have civil unions. Howard asked if he thinks he's better than them. King said it's not a question of being better. Howard said he has to get out of this conversation. He said that it's a ridiculous thing.
Howard said he was listening to Michelle Bachman talking about gays and how she thinks they're bulling other kids. Howard said this woman is a nitwit. Howard asked where she comes from. Fred told him it's Minnesota. Howard said they should get rid of that state.
Howard played a clip of Bachman talking about how the gays have bullied the American people. Howard said that they're trying to get equal rights. King said he doesn't agree with people like that. King said what offends him is when they equate it to civil rights. Howard said he's heard a lot of that from guys like King. Howard said that they say that they can't change their skin color but a gay man can be with a woman. Howard said that's ridiculous.
Howard played more of the Michelle Bachman clip and said she has no idea what it's like to be the odd man out. King cut him off and asked why this football player came out and didn't just stay in the closet. Howard said he was sick of living a lie. Robin said that King can walk down the street and have a public display of sexuality but he doesn't want anyone else to be able to do that if they're not like him.
Howard said he and Beth can walk down the street holding hands but there are gay guys who get the shit beaten out of them for doing that. Howard said he knows King things that way. King said he does not. Howard said he'll take his word for that. King said Howard and Beth holding hands looks normal. Robin said that's a judgment call and these people don't make any sense. King said that it doesn't look normal when you see two guys holding hands. Howard said it doesn't look normal because you've been taught it's a shameful thing. Howard said it doesn't affect him at all.
King said he would like to really talk to Howard privately. Howard said he's very angry about this issue. King asked if Ronnie feels funny asking for a Blackberry. Howard said Ronnie doesn't care. Howard said it's amazing he even has a smartphone. Howard said for years he had a flip phone. Howard said Ronnie used to use a flip phone for Twitter. He said he had to type really slow.
Ronnie came in and asked how this got on to him. He went off on King about the whole phone thing and said that King thinks he's smart but he's just stupid. He said he's just a jerk talking about white people and black people walking down the street. He said that they walk down the street every day and no one is talking about it other than King. Howard said they actually do talk about it. He said that's why King should be more sensitive about it. Ronnie was yelling about what a dick head King is so Howard told him to calm down and go out in the hall. Howard cut off his microphone and hung up on King too.
Howard played more of the Michelle Bachman audio clip where she'd complaining about gays intimidating straight people. Howard said this woman thinks that they're dangerous.
Howard said this Pat Robertson is the same way. Howard said he's off his rocker too. Howard played a clip of Pat Robertson and his co-host talking about a woman who thought that she got into an accident because the lord's protection was lifted after she watched a movie. Howard said that woman is a moron but pat Robertson backs up her thoughts about the lord's protection and said that he heard about a girl who had a demon enter her body because she watched an X-rated movie. Robertson said that's just the way it is. He said this thing may be living around you.
Howard said that guy has never worked and he has a horse shit job. He said people send him money for doing nothing. Howard played more of the clip and said that this guy has built a lifestyle by telling people fairy tales and scaring people.
Howard did an impression of Robertson and told some stories about this Frankenstein movie and how a demon may get permission to get inside your body if you watch it. Howard said the guy is so full of it. He told that story about the girl who watched the XX rated movie and a demon enter her. Howard said he wants to hear the actual story. He said he wants to know who this girl was.
Howard told a story as Pat Robertson. He said he knew a young actor who traveled to New Mexico and was bitten by a werewolf. He said he became demon possessed. Howard said this young actor's name was Eric the Actor. ''Howard Robertson'' said as you know New Mexico was run by the Aztec religion. He said he thinks there were human sacrifices so send him as much money as you can to fight all of that.
Howard said he knew another actor who was in a movie about sharks. He said he was blotchy and fat. Fred played some of Benjy's screaming clip. Howard said he loves when he plays a little bit of it and cuts it off. Fred said he thinks it's too much if he plays the whole thing. Howard said he doesn't have to explain. He said he loves it.
Howard played a clip of Pat Robertson praising a bunch of stuff that they edited together with clips of him. Howard said they should have listeners send them money so they can edit together clips like that and air a show opposite Robertson's show. Howard said they'd have huge ratings. He said it would be their response to Pat Robertson with fake drops. Robin said it would be hilarious. Robin said this is the funniest stuff you can find. Howard said he has to take a break. They went to break a short time later.
- Hanzi Calls In. 03/12/14. 7:45am
After the break Howard came right back and took a call from Ox who Howard called creepy yesterday. He pointed out a few creepy people there on the show. Ox asked Robin how many nickels it would take to cover up her areolas. Robin said she isn't sure about that. Ox told her to try it out to see how many it would take. Howard asked how many quarters would it take to cover them up. Robin said she doesn't know. Howard said he pictures 3. Gary said 4 to 6 at least. Gary said he thinks she has giant ones. Howard said that's a good question. Howard asked Robin to try it and let them know. Robin said she'll go home and try it out. Gary said they have quarters there if she wants to try it during the break. Robin told him to stop it. Robin said she has big tits so she has big areola.
Howard said Gary has seen Robin naked. Robin said she had her back to him. Gary said he only saw her ass so he can only tell you how many quarters it would take to cover her ass.
Howard asked Robin how her ass is. Robin said it's not full of cellulite but it's soft. Howard said he still sees cellulite on his ass. Robin said she thought he got rid of it. Howard said apparently not. He said at the gym he looks like an Adonis. He said he looks in the mirror in his closet and he looks awful. He said he tried to get a guy in there to set a light up so he doesn't look heinous. He said he guy fucked with the lights but he looked just as bad. He said in the gym the lighting is good for some reason.
Howard took a call from Hanzi who said he mentioned Twitter earlier. He told Howard not to act like he doesn't do shit to people when they make fun of him. Howard asked what he means. Hanzi said he gets his trolls to attack people. Howard asked what his trolls are. Hanzi said that these companies buy fake followers to go after people. Howard said this is so retarded. He said it's annoying already with the conspiracy thing.
Hanzi started to freak out on Howard. Howard said he doesn't have any trolls or anyone on Twitter. He said he sounds like an idiot. Howard said he needs more meds. Hanzi said Howard needs more meds. Howard said he's not on any meds. Hanzi said he guarantees he's on meds.
Hanzi said he can't believe he's comparing minorities to gays. Howard said they are a minority. Hanzi started to go on about something that Howard just rolled his eyes to. Howard played a new song parody about Hanzi to the tune of Chaka Kahn.
Gary said Shuli told him that he was up in Toronto and Hanzi asked if he could come to the show. Shuli told him he could but then Hanzi asked how much he was going to pay him to show up. Shuli came in and said that he likes hanging with Hanzi. He said he's fine in person. He said he did ask him what he could do for him money wise. He said he told him he isn't doing that anymore. He said he told Hanzi if he took pictures or made shirts or something he could sell them. He said it really bummed him out.
Howard told him to get a real job or something. Hanzi said he can't get a real job because he's a piece of shit. He started yelling at Howard about what a piece of shit he is. Howard asked how old he is. Hanzi was yelling at him and freaking out on him. Howard said he bets that he's waking his parents up. Howard asked if they're sleeping. Hanzi said he doesn't care. Howard played another song parody about Hanzi where they have him freaking out.
Howard asked if he has calmed down. Hanzi did. Howard asked what time he takes his meds. Hanzi said it doesn't matter because Shuli is just going to deny everything.
Howard asked Shuli what happened. Shuli said Hanzi didn't come out to the show. He said he thinks that Hanzi thinks that he's a draw for the show so he should be paid. Hanzi said he does bring people in and they know it. Howard said if he thinks that then he should go out on the road and do his own show. Shuli told Hanzi that he started out on his own and didn't have anyone's help. Howard said he put Shuli right into the Illuminati.
Hanzi said that he knows that they use him to bring people in. Howard asked what this is called. He said there must be a technical term. Shuli said it's called ''Fuckin' nuts.'' He said Hanzi is completely different in person. He said he has had great times hanging out with him. Hanzi said that he didn't step in when he wanted to come to the birthday bash. Shuli said he did talk to Gary about it. Howard said it's very narcissistic to think that people want to come out to see him. Hanzi said Howard knows about this shit.
Howard asked if the guys are going to go to Hanzi-Con. Howard said he's going to dress up as his parents with hair pulled out of his head.
Shuli said he's going as Hanzi in a leather jacket at a barbecue. Fred said he's going as him dressed in a Hawaiian shirt.
Shuli asked which parents are having a worse time, Sour Shoes, Wendy the Retard, Hanzi, Mark the Bagger... Howard said Wendy shits herself and wanders around eating all day. He said there is a sweetness to her though. He said it's the same thing with Sour Shoes. Howard said he calls the show every day and plays the piano but he's sweet. Howard said Hanzi lives at home and he hates his parents. Hanzi said he doesn't hate them. He said he hates that they can't tell him secrets and that they take direction from the show. Howard said Hanzi wins. He said he beats Wendy the Retard. Hanzi said he gets nothing out of this anyway so who cares. Howard said he wins though.
Howard said at least Sour Shoes has a talent. He said there is no hope in Hanzi. Hanzi said that's why Howard had Benjy called him to be an intern. Benjy said if he did that maybe he was calling him and not the other way around. Benjy said he thinks Hanzi contacted him about getting into radio. Hanzi said that's bullshit and it was the other way around.
Hanzi said he has Bell's Palsy and they don't talk about that. Hanzi was getting worked up again and Howard said he really has to get out of this.
Fred asked if he's smoking more dope these days. Hanzi said he's cutting back. Hanzi said that they know people in his life and his dad had a talk with him. Robin asked how old he is. Hanzi told her to shut the fuck up.
Howard asked how he got caught buying weed. Hanzi said his dealer was with him and he thinks he set him up. Hanzi said Shuli knows who this guy is too. He told him not to deny it. Hanzi said he got busted outside the garage at home. His dad busted him. Shuli asked why he's smoking at home. Hanzi said that everyone knows what's going on with that.
Howard said weed makes you paranoid so maybe that's not the best thing to do. Shuli said it also calms you down. He said she's hung out with Hanzi before when he smoked and he was fine. Hanzi said maybe he shouldn't be there on this planet anymore. Hanzi said he can't get anything from his quasi fame on the show. Howard said maybe they can get him in Sharknado. Howard said maybe the shark needs a bunch of meals. Howard told Gary to get a head shot from Hanzi so they can send it along.
Howard asked if Hanzi feels bad putting his parents through this. Hanzi said Howard knows what's going on and he knows he's keeping tabs on him. Howard asked if his brother lives at home. Hanzi said he doesn't. He said they all know what's going on with him. He said his brother is younger. Howard said Hanzi is the older brother but his younger brother has a life. Hanzi said he has Stern Show fame though.
Benjy asked why Hanzi why he's cutting back on pot. Hanzi said it's because he has no money. Benjy said that's good then. Howard said Benjy seems to be able to calm Hanzi down. Howard said he talked to him and he calmed right down.
Howard said they have to get Hanzi into the Sharknado movie. Hanzi said he'll do anything but make out with a dude. Howard said he has to make out with a dude. He said he would blow a shark. Hanzi said he won't do that. Howard said Hanzi thinks that no one will do anything for him. He said Benjy is going to talk to the Sharknado people about getting him a role.
Howard said he had to get going. Hanzi told him he wants that part. He said he knows he's not getting anything. Howard said he has to give them a chance. Fred said Benjy is still at work. He can't make any calls yet.
Howard said he has a guy on the phone who says he has a camera in his apartment. Howard took the call and the guy asked Hanzi to move to the side because he can't see him very well. Hanzi said he knows he has cameras in his room watching him. Howard told him to get his finger out of his ass. Shuli said he has a whole production team watching him. Howard said camera 7 shows his parents are crying. Hanzi said he jerks off into his shirt. The caller said that's on camera 5 and they had to take that one off line.
Howard said Benjy is going to look into this for him. Hanzi asked if he can get him into Wrestlemania. Benjy said he can't guarantee that but he will try. He said he has connections. Howard said this is mind mumbling. He said he has to get out of this. He hung up on Hanzi.
Howard said Hanzi is into every lame thing. He's into wrestling. Howard said that he needs money for the Pay-Per-View. Shuli said he follows him on twitter and he live tweets the Monday Night Raw stuff. Shuli said you know when he's worked up because he types in all caps. He said that he gets really worked up about the story lines in the wrestling stuff too.
Howard said it would be great if they put every nut in Sharknado. He said they could have Hanzi and so many other nuts in there. Fred played the Imran Khan song parody that Howard loves.
- TV Discussions, Leiberman Live Clips And More. 03/12/14. 8:25am
After the break Howard came back and said the morning is just going by. He said he had a few announcements to make. Howard said they have a contest going on for people who do impressions. They have a $5,000 grand prize for the winner of that.
Howard said he also wanted to remind everyone about the labia discussions they had and they're getting a lot of pictures and songs. Howard said he would like people to stop sending labia pictures. He said one is more disgusting than the other. He said that with peace and love of course.
Howard said he watched The Walking Dead last night. He said he had to go watch The Bachelor too. He said the woman who won is an assistant district attorney. Howard said he's not sure how she got 6 months off to shoot that show. Howard said she's very impressive from what he could see. Howard said he's not sure why she can't find a guy. Howard said you don't marry someone who goes on TV to find a man. Howard said you don't marry a man who does that either. Howard said he'd like to know how she got 6 months off. He said someone should question her boss about that. Howard made up what the conversation would be like when she asks for time off.
JD came in and said he read that she took a leave of absence during a murder trial. Howard said that they had to put a rape case on hold for her to find love. Howard said she says her priorities are clear and she needs to find romance. Howard said this woman was in the final 3 and she spent a night with him in a fantasy suite. She figured out that he was just the worst and he's a boob.
Howard said Juan Pablo is a dopey guy. He said he's a disaster. He said he'd love to interview these people and ask this assistant D.A. about what she was thinking. Howard said that she couldn't have gotten paid anything for that. Howard said Juan Pablo still lives with his parents. He said he couldn't have made much money doing that show.
Howard said he wants to talk about how great Jon Leiberman's show is. He said he does it every day at 4:45. Howard said he always has a wack packer there. Howard said he has rarely missed that show. He said he was listening to Elephant Boy and even he couldn't understand the guy. Howard said he speaks Elephant and it was hard to understand.
Howard played a clip from Leiberman Live where Elephant Boy and Big Foot were talking about the disappearance of the Malaysian airlines flight. Elephant Boy was talking about what he thinks was going on. Howard understood what he said but it wasn't easy to follow.
Howard played another clip where Jon asked Big Foot to talk about what a representative was saying about dogs and how one breed isn't more violent than another. Big Foot had no idea what he was talking about when he mentioned ''mixed breed.'' Howard said you have to dumb things down for Big Foot. He said he told Jon he has to take it down a notch for him.
Howard played another Elephant Boy clip where he was talking about a subject and it was very unclear. Howard said imagine there's a nuclear accident and everyone starts speaking like that. Howard said that would be a cool movie. Howard said there's a bus with a bomb and Elephant Boy is the only one who knows the code. Howard said they try to get the code and it's unintelligible. Howard said he's not sure what happens after that. Fred played a bomb explosion sound effect.
Howard said he never wants to abandon Dennis Rodman. He said they have had him on in the past when no one wants him. He said they asked him to come in now but he won't show up. Howard said now the guy is on fire and he's on ESPN instead. Howard played a clip of Dennis talking to the guys on some show and crying over this whole North Korea thing. Howard said Dennis always cries when he's getting beat up. Howard said he's angry and crying because no one understands him. Robin said he thinks he was trying to do something nice and no one understands. Howard played more of the clip and goofed on Dennis saying it sounds like he's not even speaking English. Howard said he sounds like Gary when he clears his throat.
Howard said he thinks that he's making David Arquette's point about everyone on twitter being so negative. Robin said he's also making Hanzi's point about how people are making money off of him on Twitter. Howard played more of the crying Dennis Rodman clip and said he should try throwing up like Oscar Pistorius. Dennis was talking about how he wants to do good things and that's all he was doing by going over to North Korea. Howard said he's doing that while the people of North Korea are suffering. Howard said North Koreans want to do fun things like eat.
Rodman said that once things are settled and calm then people will kiss his ass. Howard said now they can't get him on the show to get him to make those statements. Howard said he'll be back eventually but not until he's done talking about North Korea.
Howard said Chelsea Handler was on Piers Morgan and she told him he was a shitty interviewer. Howard played the clip and said that even Piers is laughing during the interview. Howard played the clip and Chelsea was plugging her book and talking about how much she has to do. Piers said something about how great her tweets are. Then Chelsea said he's a terrible interviewer. She said that he has to pay attention to his guests. She said maybe that's why his job is coming to an end. Howard said Piers was laughing but that was an overly hearty laugh. Robin said that's the laugh you do when you're getting roasted. Howard said that's it.
Howard said just imagine that Piers is texting during a break on his show when the guest is there. Howard said he should be paying attention to his guest and telling them they're doing a good job or something.
Howard played a clip of a woman singing Amazing Grace and clearing her throat like Gary. She dragged the song out about 10 times longer than it actually was. Howard said that he won't disparage her too much. Howard said she probably does this in church. Howard said he would have enjoyed hearing that instead of what he had to listen to. Howard said this woman is some character. He said this song takes like 5 hours at this rate. Howard said she's probably laughing wondering why they let her up on stage.
Howard said she's like that deaf interpreter who got up on stage and didn't know how to sign. Howard said he wishes this woman would audition for America's Got Talent. Howard said he and Howie would be stabbing each other trying to go first.
Howard said there were a few kooky people that they had to let go from AGT. He said that they really think they're good and when you tell them they're terrible they flip out. Howard said he and Howie were talking about them and Howie thinks that they're really pissed. Howard said that you need time off from that stuff. He said he's glad they're doing things the way they are this season. Howard said that the job is draining. He said they need a month between auditions. He said they're doing more the first week in April at Madison Square Garden. Howard said he's starting to forget so he'll be ready for the next round.
Howard said he has another piece of tape about Steve Irwin who was killed when he got stabbed in the heart by a stingray. Howard said the guy who was with him, who was a camera man, has come out and talked about what happened that day. Robin said he has footage but he won't release it. Howard said the guy had a little kid and now he's gone. Howard wondered what happened to his kid. Robin said Bindi is still around but her show never took off. Howard said maybe they can get Bindi into Sharknado 2. Howard said they need another person to be eaten.
Howard played a clip of this photographer talking about what happened the day Steve Irwin was killed. Howard said that Gilbert Gottfried was obsessed with that name Bindi one day. He played a prank call Sal and Richard made using clips of Gilbert yelling out Bindi and other things.
Howard said he just realized that this is the guy who should have played the joker in Batman. Howard said he loved Heath Ledger but this guy is what the Joker would have sounded like. Howard kept playing the prank call clip. Howard said that's the Joker. He said he was born to play that part. Howard said the Joker would make those phone calls all day too.
Howard got back to the clip of Steve Irwin's photographer. The guy was description what happened and how the stingray started stabbing wildly at Steve's chest. He said it did a bunch of stabs in a matter of seconds. He said the stingray may have thought Steve's shadow was a shark. He said next thing he knew Steve was standing in a huge pool of blood. He said they had to get out of the water because sharks might be attracted to them.
The photographer said that no one pulled the stinger out. He said Steve thought that the barb had punctured his lung. He said they got him into a boat and tried to assess the situation. He said there was blood coming out and they had a guy putting his hand over the wound. He said Steve looked up at him and said ''I'm dying'' and that was the last thing he said. Howard said that's the ultimate trip. He said that's pretty freaky. Robin said a lot of people must know when they're dying. Howard said he thinks he's dying when he gets a splinter.
Howard said it's so weird that they shoot and shoot for AGT and don't use that much. He said the last shot Steve Irwin took probably wouldn't have been used. Robin said he'd still be with them if that guy didn't need that shot of the stingray floating away. Robin said it was because the guy was behind the stingray that he got stabbed.
Howard said he used to watch that guy's show and he'd turn it off when he went into the water. He said nothing fun happens under the water. Howard said usually guys are in a cage or something when they're around sharks. Howard said he had to take a break after that.
- Robin's News. 03/12/14. 9:05am
After the break Howard came back and Fred had some music playing that reminded him of the band INXS. Howard said that guy died from auto erotic asphyxiation. Howard said he they had a TV show where they tried to find a new lead singer. Howard said he hopes that he never dies that way. Robin said if he's not doing it he won't die from it. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard told Benjy to look up the lead singer of INXS and see if that's really how he died. Benjy said it's not definitive but there is belief that's what happened. Howard said that's what they said about David Carradine too but now they say that's not what happened. Benjy said he was found hung and they said it was deemed a suicide. He said he was nude so they think he could have been doing that. Howard said maybe he figured he came into this world nude so he was going out nude.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she just remembered she had a dream about him last night. Howard said he doesn't want to hear that bullshit. She said that she also thinks Gilbert as the Joker is perfect. She said he should have his own casting agency. Howard hung up on her and said she was annoying him.
Howard said there's a poll up on HowardStern.com asking whose family is more annoyed by their child, Wendy the Retard, Sour Shoes or Hanzi.
Howard said it's time for some news. They played Robin in with a song parody about her labia. Howard asked if she put the mirror really close to look at herself. Robin said she had to put it as close as she had to so she could see it. Robin said she still does it from time to time. Howard asked how deep you look. Robin said you just want to see what can be seen from the outside. Howard asked if she ever opens her ass and looks in there. Robin said she does not do that.
Howard took a call from Ralph who asked if she gets turned on by that. Howard said of course not. Ralph got in a plug for tomorrow's GEEKTIME. Ralph mentioned that Kristen Bell is on and Howard said they can't even get her on this show. Howard said they've tried to get her on and she won't come in. Robin said she heard they're going to talk about what this Bitcoin thing is. Ralph said they have a woman coming in to explain that. Ralph said he was at a pizza place and they accept Bitcoin. He said they'll be out of business in a matter of weeks if they do that. GEEKTIME is on tomorrow at 3 on Howard 101.
Robin started her news with a story about how there are still areas of the country that allow people to spank children in school. Howard said he wouldn't want to live there. Robin said there's a call for a ban on spanking in North Carolina where it's still a disciplinary tool in 6 schools.
Robin asked Howard how long the internet has been in his life. Howard said he remembers when Jeff Shick showed him that stuff for the first time. Howard said it was around 1990 or maybe late 1980-something. Howard said he's not sure how many years it's been. He said he'll say it's like 25 years. Robin said the doors to the internet opened 25 years ago. Howard said he remembers how horrible it was. He said it was boring because there was nothing to do on it. Howard said all of a sudden he was amazed when he saw it with Jeff. He said he never thought it wouldn't be anything but there was nothing to do on it at the time. Howard said it used to take like 20 minutes to download one naked picture of a woman. Howard said he credits porn with the internet taking off the way it did. Robin said the internet started in 1989 and Tim Berners-Lee is credited with starting it.
Howard said he thinks the internet became indispensable to him in the last year. He said that he can get anything he wants on there. He said he doesn't have to leave the house. He said he can get guitar lessons on there and he can buy anything he wants. He said he had to buy something dumb the other day and he went online and bought it. He said it's become indispensable to him.
Robin read a story about Cynthia Lynn dying. Howard mentioned her earlier in the show. She was on Hogan's Heroes. Howard said she played Helga. Robin said she was diagnosed with hepatitis when she was taken to a hospital on Friday. Robin said she died of multiple organ failure on Monday night at the age of 76. Howard also mentioned that the woman who played Agent 99 on Get Smart is 81. Howard said he's not sure what she looks like. Fred played some of Benjy's scream after Howard said that.
Robin read about a dog that saved it's owner's life and lost an eye doing it. Howard said they have a cat who lost her eyes and Beth posts pictures of her all the time. Howard said they feel so bad for her. Howard said some angry asshole did that to a cat to take out their aggression. Howard said it had to be a guy who did it too. He said that's who does stuff like that. Howard said the cat is so cute. He said she fell off the banister the other day because she can't see where she's at. Robin said that's what's great about animals. They will try to be as normal as they can. Howard said she has one eye but it barely works. Howard said it's hard enough being a cat and she doesn't need that.
Robin read about a woman who died when she had silicone injected into her butt. Robin said she met this woman at a hotel room and she got this injection and she had a reaction to it and now she's dead. Robin said she was only 22 years old. Howard said you hope the woman who did it is given the death penalty. Howard said she took advantage of someone who wasn't too bright. Howard said it's probably a good sign that you're going to a hotel to get this work done. Robin said it was an hourly rental room too. Howard said there are people who are dupes. He said this is a murder in his opinion. Robin said they are calling it a homicide. Howard said she has no business doing that. Robin said you never get a medical procedure outside of a doctor's office or a hospital. Howard wondered if she's ever given a good silicone ass to anyone. Robin said maybe she hasn't killed everyone. Robin said they're saying that she may have hit a vein and the woman had her reaction right after that. Robin said there was one woman who had cement injected into her face. Howard said that's not a good thing. Robin said you can't get your cosmetic surgery in a hotel room.
Robin said Nadya Sulemon was in court and she faces 6 years in prison if she's found guilty in this case.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he's going to write another book. Howard said he's been writing lately but the stuff is weird shit. He said that he wrote about 200 pages but the stuff is weird. The caller asked if he wrote about that Shuter character. Howard said he did actually. He said he has some weird thoughts about that stuff. He said he writes like he's the only one who is ever going to read it. Robin said that's good. She said that's what journaling is.
Robin read a story about a guy who was sentenced to 14 years in prison for shining a laser light in the eyes of a helicopter pilot. Robin said that the FBI has a new reward program to help put an end to this.
Howard said Prince was on Arsenio's show the other night and he talks like he doesn't know English. Howard said the audience rewards him for that too. He said the guy is still acting like he's writing hit songs. Robin said she tried to watch him on New Girl and she ended up turning the show off. Howard said Gary called him to do the Birthday show and he said he doesn't do birthday shows because he doesn't believe in birthdays.
Howard played a clip of Arsenio interviewing Prince and asking him about watching shows that have new musicians on it. Prince said he doesn't really watch that stuff. He mentioned the name of someone he was watching TV with and the audience cheered. Howard said the whole thing was hysterical to him. He said they applaud everything he says. Prince was saying he and his friend were talking about how they were rearranging the music in their heads while watching American Idol. Howard said this is a self congratulatory thing where he's making himself out to be a genius. Howard did his impression of Prince and goofed on that for a short time.
Howard played a clip of Prince taking questions from the audience and the audience would go nuts when he gave his answers. Howard said he has to get used to that. He asked what planet they live on. He said people can't really think that's so funny. Howard said he was invited to a private Prince performance and he refused to stay because he refused to turn the lights on. Robin said the last time she went to see him he was at Studio 54 and he got on stage and played a record. Howard played more of Prince and Arsenio talking. He goofed on him a little more and then went into a live commercial read.
Robin asked Howard if Russia is friend or foe. Howard said he thinks that Putin is a foe but they have some great strippers that they export. Robin said a poll taken says that a good portion of the country thinks that they are a foe as well.
Robin read a story about President Obama dropping into a Gap store in New York City. Robin had some audio of the owner of the store talking about meeting Obama. Howard said he loves all of these assholes who were treating Obama like he did something wrong by going on Zach Galifianakis' show. Howard said he likes a guy who knows about things like that and can go into a store and shop. Howard said he went to the Gap because they raised the minimum wage from $10 an hour from $9 an hour. Howard said Obama thought that was a good thing and he went to congratulate them.
Robin read a story about Senator Harry Reed going after the Koch brothers. Robin said she wants to say ''cock'' when she sees that name. Howard said it's kind of like that John Boehner who's name should be Boner. He said that's what it looks like. Robin had some audio of Harry Reed talking about the Koch brothers and what they're doing that he doesn't like.
Robin read a story about how the CIA has been accused of snooping on a private meeting. Howard said he saw the woman on the news yesterday all fired up. Robin had some audio of Feinstein saying she's still waiting for an apology.
Robin read a story about Jimmy Kimmel getting kind of political. Robin said he had Rick Perry on yesterday and Rob Ford on last week. Howard said Rob Ford is hardly a politician. Robin said Rick Perry had to deal with some boos from the audience. Howard said he would boo the whole time. Howard said he was the best in the debates. He said he kept putting his foot in his mouth. He said he's shocked he's still around. Robin had some audio for Howard to play.
Robin read about what's going on with the Malaysian airlines flight that's missing and how some women came out and said that the pilot let them sit in the cockpit for a whole flight two years ago. Howard said good looking people have a whole different life than regular people. Robin said that they know it's not right so she's not sure why they participate. Robin had some audio of someone commenting on how in other parts of the country the security measures are lax. Robin said they're also criticizing Malaysia for the way they're handling this missing flight. Robin said people are getting anxious and there are no answers for them yet.
Robin read a story about the NY Knicks and how they're thinking of reuniting with Phil Jackson. Robin said they are thinking about having him back as the President of the team. Robin said she thinks that he'll come back but he'll end up coaching.
Robin read a story about another winter storm that's heading across the country. Robin said this winter still isn't ready to let go. Howard said it's awful. He asked Robin to make it stop.
Robin read a story about heart disease being the biggest killer in the country but cancer is going to take that over soon.
Robin read about the FDA asking people to stop using a supplement that men use for erectile dysfunction. Robin said the drug is called Weekend Warrior and it can interfere with some other drugs.
Robin said that scientists have patented a machine that will provide an orgasm for a woman with the push of a button. Robin said it is designed as an implant and it can create the orgasm for the woman. Robin said that trials will begin later this year in Minneapolis. Robin said the guy who created it said he came up with it by accident. Howard said that was created for women who have been with him. They wrapped up the news and ended the show around 10:00am.
- Wrap Up Show - Gary's Birthday. 03/12/14. 10:05am
Jon Hein started the show talking about what they were going to cover today. He mentioned the band auditions they're holding and how they're just for the people who work there. Gary said he's getting email from people who say they can beat Richard's ass. He said it's not for people outside the show.
Jon said happy birthday to Gary. Gary said it's not until Friday but he's getting a lot of people tweeting out for his birthday. Jon asked if he liked the birthday bash today. Gary said it's all good stuff. He said he likes the parodies that they played. Gary said the only thing that bothered him was when Howard said he's known him since he was a little chimp. He said he's used to that other stuff. He said he's actually used to it all.
Jon asked if Gary expected anything for him. Gary said he didn't. He said his birthday isn't until Friday. He said he wasn't expecting anything at all this year. He said Howard will sometimes mentioned it but not do anything.
Jon asked if he prefers having a big deal made out of it. Gary said that he thinks they handle everything the right way there. Jon asked if he thought there was anything missing today. Gary said they could have pulled a better Madonna's Sister clip. He said over all they were very funny though. Gary said the pitch clip was Keith Hernandez commenting on him.
Jon took a call from a guy who wanted their opinion on the gay rights thing. He said he has no problem with it but when he's out in public and he sees gay people making out it bothers him. He said it bothers him when anyone makes out though. He said it doesn't matter who it is and maybe that's what it is that people are upset about. Benjy asked what that has to do with gay marriage. The caller said he has no problem with gay marriage. Gary asked why he opened up with the gay thing. The caller said he thinks that maybe that's what causes people to get upset over. Gary said if people make out in public it doesn't bother him. He said the caller seems to be bothered more by gays making out than with others. Benjy thought his point was that he thinks it leads to more homosexuality.
Jason said it doesn't matter what you like. He said it's up to the people what they want to do. He said that's the right we have in this country.
- Wrap Up Show - Ronnie And Jon Leiberman. 03/12/14. 10:15am
Jon said he invited Jon Leiberman down there. Gary said he has huge scratches on the side of his head. Leiberman said he has sensitive skin and he sometimes scratches his forehead and they go away quickly. Ronnie came in and Leiberman said he thought he didn't have time for this today. Ronnie said he has time now.
Jon asked Leiberman about Howard having him in this morning and having Howard laughing at him. Leiberman said it's not so bad when they are laughing while they're doing that.
Gary said this reminds him of when stuttering John would get Howard and Robin laughing at things. He said he would have something that wasn't so true but he'd get them laughing and that would empower him to keep going.
Jon asked Ronnie about the biopsy he had on his prostate. Ronnie said he has had a fluctuating PSA for years and that's the way they test. He said that they had to do the biopsy so that's what he did.
Jon said they heard about Ronnie's pain this morning and then he started talking about Jon Leiberman. Ronnie said Howard brought that up, not him. Gary said that's true. He said Howard did bring it up.
Jon said Ronnie gets a look of glee on his face when he's talking about that stuff. Ronnie said that Leiberman gets the look of misery on his face. Gary said he thinks that Ronnie enjoys getting under people's skin. Jason said it's a joy getting under people's skin like that.
Gary said he thinks it's hard to be calm and normal when Ronnie is hurling insults at you. Leiberman said that he doesn't like being attacked over his hair. He said there's only so much you can do to defend yourself. Ronnie took his picture earlier and edited it with some app to make him look bald. Ronnie said he is balding and you can tell. He said that he's going bald from front to back and he's going to end up with the bozo sides. He said he should shave his head if he starts to get that bad. Leiberman said he will figure out what to do when that time comes. He said he will try to replicate the hair he has now. Gary asked if he has a comb over. Leiberman said that it's not. He said he's not sure what he means by that. Gary asked if he's combing it over to cover something up. Leiberman said he's not.
Benjy asked Leiberman if he's constantly reading articles about balding cures and things like that. Leiberman said he doesn't think much about it unless Ronnie is bringing it up and making fun of him. Ronnie said he's not doing that. Benjy said he thinks that Leiberman is the generation that will never go bald. He said he thinks they'll come up with something that will stop it.
Leiberman asked Ronnie how he became a PhD in hair. Ronnie said he has a nervous condition where he scratches his head. He said his father had that and his father went bald. Leiberman asked if he's really trying to equate that to his balding. Ronnie said he has a nervous condition. Leiberman said Ronnie thinks he's a neurologist and a psychologist. Ronnie said that's what happened to his father. He said he will get sores on his head and he will keep scratching.
Jason said you can see the picture of Leiberman's scratched head on their Instagram account @SternShow. Ronnie said he'll be putting the bald picture up later on his Twitter account. They went to break after that.
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- Wrap Up Show - Ronnie's Beard Dye And More. 03/12/14. 10:30am
After the break Jon asked Ronnie about his beard coloring and what Howard said about that. Ronnie said he just got a bulletin saying there is a new type of hair in a can made of wool that can last for days. Leiberman said he'll keep that in mind.
Ronnie said that he is happy with his beard. He said he gets compliments on it. He said he saw the people from AGT and they were complimenting him. He said he wants some grey in there and that's the way he keeps it. Gary said someone said it looks like he painted his house and hasn't cleaned up yet. Jason said it looks like a Calico cat. Jason said if he did a solid color it would look really weird. He said he's not sure how you decide when to color it and not color it. Ronnie said the hair underneath is grey. He said he doesn't color that. He said he does the top of it. He said the roots are gray.
Jon asked Ronnie about Howard unfollowing him on Twitter. Ronnie said that doesn't bother him because he's unfollowed everyone but Jon Hein. Jason said Ronnie is constantly retweeting hot chick of the week pictures. Ronnie said he answers people too. He said he's not always posting those pictures.
Gary said he sees some of Ronnie's tweets every morning. He said that he tells people they're going to be live and things like that. Ronnie said he has a girl who wishes him a good morning every day. He said he responds to her too.
Gary said Jason is getting on Jon's nerves very slowly. Gary said he hasn't stopped talking since he got there.
Benjy asked Gary if Howard followed him. Gary said he did but then someone told him that he stopped. Gary said he thought that was odd until he said he stopped following them all. Gary said that he figured he would want to see what they were up to but now everyone reports back to Howard anyway so he can't get away with anything.
Gary said he really doesn't need Twitter. He said when he was promoting his book the book company got him into it. He said now he gets some tidbits about guests and stuff like that but he doesn't use it that much.
Jason said he and JD got into it when they unfollowed each other. He said JD got upset with the stuff he was retweeting. He said they had a falling out and they ended up making up on Back Office Radio.
Gary said he will retweet a lot. He said he will do that when someone says something funny. He said Sal will retweet a lot of things that people say but it's all positive toward him. He said he likes those compliments. Ronnie said people get annoyed and will start freaking out on you if you do it too much.
Shuli said he used to do this thing on Thursdays where he would have people throw out funny titles of things. He said he would retweet them but people would complain about it because he was clogging up their timelines. He said he'd lose a few hundred that day but they'd be back by Saturday.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked what Ronnie's take is on his looks at their age in the studio since that's what he was doing with his hair earlier. Ronnie said he doesn't look at things that way. He said he just likes to break Leiberman's balls when it comes to his hair. He said he's so sensitive to that.
Shuli asked Ronnie who the best looking guy in the room is. Ronnie said he doesn't know. Benjy figured that based on the face it had to be him. Ronnie said he has beautiful eyes. Benjy told Ronnie that he can't swear on his life that he's not the best looking one in there. Ronnie said he's not swearing on anything.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Leiberman has Photoshopped more hair on his head in his Twitter picture. Leiberman said he has not and that photo is about 3 years old. They had to go to break a short time later.
- Wrap Up Show - Band Auditions. 03/12/14. 10:45am
After the break Jon said he wanted to talk about the auditions there. He said that they're staff auditions to be in Howard's band. He said they may call the band Fleetwood Hack. Jon asked if people will be volunteering. Gary said they will. He said Richard is their drummer unless someone takes over for him.
Jon took a call from Ralph who said there was a big explosion in Harlem. He said they're not sure what caused it. Gary said it was probably a gas leak. Shuli said it's huge.
Ralph asked when the auditions are. Gary said no date has been announced. He said they haven't decided on a song yet. Benjy said Howard has said he's got two songs he's working on. He's working on ''Hurt'' and ''Across the Universe.'' Ralph asked what instruments they're looking for. They mentioned that JD may have locked down the Triangle. Jason suggested bongos. Ralph said he could do that. Jason said maybe steel drums too.
Ralph asked what other instruments there will be. Jason said most of them are guitars and drums. Steve Brandano said that bass and keyboards are a little light so that's the way to go. He said someone wants to play the Shofar. Benjy said he's the one. Gary said he thinks that it would be cool to play that thing that Stevie Wonder played that was like a harmonica but had a keyboard on the side. Jon told Ralph to try the harmonica.
Ralph said he can play a few songs on keyboard but only 30 seconds of it. Ralph said he needs to know what son to play. They told him to practice on Hurt.
Ralph got in another plug for GEEKTIME and said it's on Thursday at 3. Jason said he's looking forward to it because he has no idea what a Bitcoin is. Ralph said it's interesting. Jason said that someone could hand him anything and tell him it's a Bitcoin and he'd think they were telling him the truth.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they had a son or daughter who was 22 years old and came to them saying they were gay, how would they handle it. Gary said if you don't have an inkling that's happening then you're probably not a good parent. He said what he would do is say that he loves the child. He said he's had some friends who went through that and what are you going to do? Jon said he'd be okay with it. He said he'd be happy for them as long as the other woman made them happy.
Jason asked Gary what he would do if his son came home and said that he had an experience at the Frat where they touched and licked and he was confused. Gary said he doesn't think guys are generally confused. He said women may get confused but guys know what's going on. Jon said most college students won't have that conversation with their parents. He said they're going to do their own thing.
Benjy asked what they'd do if their kid came home and said they were gay. No one knew what he was talking about. Benjy said he thinks that Gary said something to a caller one day that you love and accept your kid no matter what they are. Gary said he doesn't see it happening these days as much as it used to where people kick their kids out of the house for that stuff.
- Wrap Up Show - Twitter Discussions And More. 03/12/14. 10:50am
Jon said they have a poll up about whose parents are dealing with the hardest child, Wendy the Retard, Hanzi or Sour Shoes. Jason said it has to be Wendy. Gary said he agrees. He said that Hanzi could get on medication and get evened out. He said you can't make Wendy not Retarded. Benjy said he thinks that Wendy's mom has known this all her life too though. He said that she's been that way since she was born.
Jon said Sal is there now and he wants to recap with him on the Twitter thing and how he retweets a lot of compliments on Twitter. Sal said he favorites a lot but doesn't retweet a lot. Gary asked what the difference is. Sal said that you don't bother your followers if you just favorite.
JD said that whenever someone bashes you then Jason will favorite it and you get a notification for that. Jason said that JD gets the update if he favorites it.
Gary asked if anyone can figure out a way to see who of his followers are verified. Benjy said there is a web site that does that.
Sal said what he does is follow people who request him to follow. He said he has a private twitter page for people he cares about. He said he has some things that he follows like inspirational quotes and things like that. Jon asked if that's his ''Tony Jovinelli'' account. Sal said it's something like that. Sal said he doesn't mind following people but if you want to squelch it down you just make up another account.
Jon asked if JD is happy Howard follows him. JD said he's fine either way. He said he'd be okay if he unfollowed him. Benjy said JD was the second person that Howard ever followed. He said first was the Biz guy from Twitter. He said it's very easy to see who he follows since he follows so few people.
Jon said that Gary checked out a guy who tweeted something to him. Gary said he saw that he had like 12 followers and he had over 2,500 tweets. He said he could mock one of his family members but he won't do that.
Benjy said it's the worst when you get a hate filled tweet and then you go on their account and see they love kittens and stuff like that.
Gary asked what the worst thing Sal has ever been Tweeted was. Sal said the insults are all the same. He said he could tweet something about a belt buckle and they all go to the same well every time. He said it's always about his wife and the 143 thing. Jason said it's always about his weight. JD said he will tweet about a movie and someone will reply asking how many spoons are in the movie. Gary said it's easy to go for the jugular and go after something else.
Jon asked Shuli what updates he has. Shuli ran down a list of what they had coming up today. He mentioned they have a story about Gary's toe nail fungus. They have a bunch of other things in the news like a story about Bobo putting off his anal fissure operation because it would interfere with the AGT auditions. They had a few plugs to get in and then they ended the show. They were done around 11:05am.