Metallica In Studio - September 23, 2013. 08/29/14. 6:00am
First up on Mammary Lane Jon and Gary introduced the Metallica visit from 2013. Here's my rundown from that day:
Metallica Performs Live. 09/23/13. 8:00am
After the break we heard a prank call Richard made to a guy who was selling a Super Bowl jacket and Richard counted out his change trying to come up with what he was looking for. Fred also played a song parody from Little Mikey called ''Sal's Got Smells.'' Fred played Black Sabbath's ''Iron Man'' as they were coming back. Then he played a clip from a Tradio show where the host read fake names that Richard and Sal sent in. Fred played a Baba Booey song parody after that. He must have been killing time while Metallica was setting up. He played Ringo Starr's ''Peace and love'' clip after the song parody. Then he played a 888-9-ASSHOLE promo clip that Jim Breuer did as Brian Johnson of AC/DC. Fred then played Guns N' Roses ''Sweet Child O' Mine.''
Howard finally came back around 8:15 with Metallica in the studio. Howard said he's sitting there with the Legends themselves. He said he's been waiting for this for months. Howard said he knows these guys had a whole thing with Guns N' Roses. Howard said they went on tour with them and it was a nightmare. James said he did have that right. Howard said they're infamously late. Howard asked if that was the rub. James said they stood for everything that they didn't like. He said that's what they escaped in the early days and Guns was into all of that.
Howard said that he appreciates that they aren't like that. Howard said that they look like they're having fun. Howard asked how they're awake after the show they did on Saturday. Howard asked if they weigh themselves after a show. Howard said they must lose pounds. James said a friend wanted to put a pedometer on him. He said he wanted to see how far they ran during the show. Howard said they have an amazing amount of energy.
Howard said their film ''Through the Never'' was great. He said he'll talk more about that in a minute. Howard said they appear to be having fun when they perform. Howard said he was nervous for them at the Apollo. Howard said he got the feeling they we removed by it. Lars said that when they're that close it makes you step up. He said they have 3 levels there and everyone in the front and first tier are really close. He said everyone feels like they're sitting on top of you and it's cool.
Howard asked if it still feels new to them. James said they're honored to play in a place like that. He said that they get nervous and they get excited about playing any show. Howard said some songs are harder to play than others. He said he noticed that when James and Kirk are playing together reminds him of the Allman brothers. Howard said that they appear to be doing the same thing that they used to do with the dual leads. Kirk said that the band Thin Lizzy was an inspiration for both him and James. He said once you know what you're going to play it's pretty easy.
Howard asked if they are really precise when it comes to doing a concert. James said that they've been pulling it off lately with the shows. He said that they have a lot of trust that they're going to do well. He said that you have to trust that whatever happens in the moment that they're going to be okay with it. He said Howard must have that with his radio show.
Howard asked when he started playing guitar. James said he started at 14. He said he had to take piano lessons and he hated that. He said he got the guitar and he learned it on his own. Howard said that's fucking crazy to him. He asked how old he was when he did his first song. James said he was 15 and the band hated it so he fired them.
Howard said James took a long time to figure out how to sing. Howard said in the early days he was trying to find his voice. Howard said he used to sound like Robert Plant in the beginning. Howard played a clip and he had a high voice back then. Howard said he used to talk really high with a nasally voice. Howard asked when he found his style that he has now. James said you just tour and build up confidence. He said that you get feedback from the band and listen to yourself and think about how you don't want to sound.
Lars said that James used to be so shy that he didn't talk. He said they went to Europe and he saw a big change in James when he started talking to the audience. That made him more confident.
Howard said that he saw Led Zeppelin getting the Kennedy Center Honors and he wondered if Metallica would even want something like that. Kirk said he thinks it's great. He said they're still being acknowledged. He said he hopes that when they're older and fatter that they're doing that. Howard asked if they'd do that Kennedy Center Honors thing. Lars said they don't have a policy about it. He said they would think about it. He said they're open to stuff like that so they'd think about it. Lars said they did things their own fucking way and they never sold out. He said they'd probably do the Kennedy Center thing.
Howard said he was watching the Metallica concert the other night and listening to the songs. He said that the record companies could have said this wasn't commercial and they could have changed but they didn't. Howard said he thinks that's why the audience likes them. James said they've stayed honest to themselves and that's all they can do.
Howard asked when the sell out stuff started coming out. Lars said it started early. He said that when they heard an acoustic guitar in a song then the fans started saying that they were a sell out. Howard said this song ''Fade to Black'' is what Lars is talking about. He played some of the song while they were talking. James said they played and wrote songs with a guy years ago. He said they were supposed to go on tour but their gear had gotten stolen. James said that their tour manager had a U-Haul with their gear in it and it was stolen. Howard said they couldn't even afford to replace it. James said that he thought they were screwed. That's when he came up with this song. Howard said the song gives him chills. It's fantastic.
Howard said Lars gets a lot of shit for not being a good drummer but he was blown away by what he saw on Saturday night. Lars said that they have their own thing and one of them are virtuosos. He said there are people in the metal community who wonder who can go the fastest and stuff like that. He said they're not about that. They're about the songs. Lars said everyone else got caught up in all of that stuff. Lars said that they thought they weren't practicing enough and that's been going on for 30 years now.
Howard asked Robert about playing bass and if he's channeling Jack Bruce when he plays. Robert said he grew up listening to Motown and stuff like that. He said that there's so much that he grew up on and that's the same stuff that Jack Bruce and guys like that were doing.
Howard said when he was in the audience everyone was singing along to some of the songs like ''The Memory Remains''. He said that must make them feel great. James said it really is. He said there is nothing more connecting than that. Howard talked about Marianne Faithfull singing on that song and how her voice sounded in that. Lars said she did that in like 2 takes. He said that they had a legend singing their song and she just nailed it. Howard said it's so classic. Howard played some of that song. Howard said that went on for like 10 minutes and he wanted to do that all night long. Lars told Howard to come lead the choir next time they're in town. He was singing that part really well.
Howard said that the guys have a new movie out called ''Through the Never'' and it's great. Howard said that things got weird on Saturday night. Howard said Richard Christy was wearing a diaper so he could piss himself. Howard said that Richard took smegma on his moustache to sit in today. Lars just gave a shocked sounding ''Wow'' when he hard that.
Howard said guys get very physical at their shows. Howard said it was crazy on Saturday night. Howard said things got very weird. Howard said it got gay really fast. Lars said the safest place was on stage.
Howard said the guys are going to perform the song ''One'' and he wants to know more about that song. Howard said it's anti-war and he gets the feeling that they are anti-war. James said that he might be correct with a few members. Howard asked if they're split that way. James said that politics and religion split people and they're about bringing people together. James said he's all about freedom. He said they just write about it not saying it's good or bad.
Howard said the video for ''One'' really got his attention. Howard asked how he starts writing a song about that. James said his older brother told him a story about the book ''Johnny Got His Gun'' and he related to that. He said that it wasn't about not being able to speak or anything like that but just being stuck in your own body not being able to communicate with anyone. Howard said the song is about a guy who can't talk, see, taste or smell. Howard said that James had a miserable childhood and he survived that. Howard said he's not sure how he did that. James said he grew up thinking it was normal. Howard said his father left when he was 13. Howard said his mother died a few years later from cancer. Howard said he was basically orphaned. Howard asked if it bothered him that his dad didn't get in touch. James said he actually did contact him but he wanted nothing to do with the guy. James said he has come to a lot of closure with all of that. He said his dad did his best. He said that his dad didn't have a father either and he can make sense of what happened there. He said sometimes you have to ask your friends how to be a good father. He said that can be hard. He said you want to be the macho dude and that's very hard.
Howard asked James about his mother being a Christian Scientist who didn't believe in any medications or anything. She didn't take any medicine for her cancer. Howard said that James must have thought that she could still be around if she had. James said that she didn't even admit she had cancer. He said that she didn't want them to even talk about it. Howard said that's why when they hear the song ''One'' it's very much about James. Howard said that he's the guy with his limbs cut off. Howard told them to perform the song and not cry. James asked how much he owes him for this therapy session. Howard said he's just about in tears when he hears this song. Howard said the guys are going to perform the song now.
Howard told Richard to come in and sit in during the song. Howard said Lars is the reason that Richard started drumming. Howard said Richard can't even move his neck now. He said that the concert was more about him than it was about them. Richard said he cries when he hears this song. He was just about in tears.
Richard said that he learned to play double bass on the drums thanks to Lars. Robin said Richard lived in a storage locker for 10 years. Lars said that the guy who gave them their first record deal is the guy who has Richard's band Charred Walls of the Dammed. Howard said the difference is that they sold millions and Richard didn't.
Howard had the guys perform their song ''One'' after that. After the song Howard said Richard's diaper was full. Howard said he was head banging in there. Richard said he'd take a million smegma moustaches for that moment.
Howard asked Lars what happens there and how he writes that song. James said you lock yourself in a garage for a while. James said they just pick out their best riffs and slap them together. Howard asked how he comes up with the lead vocal on that. Howard asked who writes that stuff. James said he does. Howard asked how they come up with songs like that. James said it's different for every song. He said that it's like a puzzle. Howard asked if he read poetry in school. James said he didn't. He said he was the one getting mentally beat up when he was growing up. He said for him getting into a room is where is happens. He said he might think he's going somewhere with a lyric and it takes you somewhere else.
Howard asked James if his teachers would be shocked that he's a lyricist now. James said they would. He said he learned a lot from music.
Howard asked about the song ''Nothing Else Matters'' and if he was embarrassed to bring it to the band. James said he was. Howard said it was a love song to a girl. He asked how he brought it to the guys. James said Lars heard it and thought it was good. Lars said that James played it for him. He said that's how he heard it. Lars said that they would trade songs and ideas for songs and then they'd go away and start writing months later. He said they all had ideas for songs and they'd work with what they had.
Howard said when you think about Lars and James they're from the most distant parts of the world. Howard said the fact that they found each other was amazing. Lars said they all had something missing from their lives. He said that he found a brother that could relate to what he was going through. Howard asked what keeps them together though. Howard said they had some shitty times together. Howard asked if they would ever break up. James said they've gone through fire together. Howard asked if they get together socially. James said they don't do that too often. He said they respect each other with their families. They do get together at HQ with their families and that's great. James said they can conquer just about anything. He said they've been through it all. James said that they aren't individually amazing musicians but together they're great.
Howard asked what they would say if he said that this song ''Nothing Else Matters'' is a love song to Lars. James said that could be true. Howard asked the guys to sing the song now. Lars said he may cry now. Howard said it's a beautiful love song that came to be because Lars gave James the confidence to release it. Lars said that when he heard the verses it moved him and he knew they had to share it with the rest of the world. He said James was too vulnerable to do that at the time but he knew they had to get it out there.
James said that the song is about brotherhood as well. He said it's about needing another human. Howard told them to go ahead with the song ''Nothing Else Matters.''
After the song Howard said that was beautiful. Howard asked how they decide who takes the lead. James said that Kirk is better than he is. Kirk said whoever has the better feel for the part will take it. He said that James will defer to him because he likes rocking out on stage. Kirk said James would rather just leave it to him and rock out. James said he likes working them out but not playing them. He likes handing it over to Kirk.
Howard asked Kirk why he has a White Zombie tattoo on him. Kirk said it has nothing to do with Rob Zombie. He said it's about the movie that came out in 1932. He said he has a mummy guitar too.
Howard said he saw James playing the coolest fucking guitar ever. He said it was a black one with a cross on it. James said that's his Iron Cross guitar. He said this one he's playing is the Snake Bite. He said he likes that it's thinner and lighter than others. He said that it hangs on him well. He said it's just a feel thing with that one.
Howard asked Lars about that song and if he knew it would be a hit. Lars said it wasn't about the hit thing. He said he just wanted the fans to see a different side of the band.
Howard asked why the put out this movie now. Howard asked who convinced them to do it. Howard said he's never seen a musical performance recorded so beautifully. Lars said they wanted to be shot from the inside so you feel like you're on stage with the band. He said that you want to be right there with the band. Lars said they shot from the stage out instead of the other way around. Howard said you feel like you're in the band that way. Lars said that they had their sound guy do the audio and he stepped it up. He said it sounded next level at the premiere.
Howard asked the guys if they thought about not doing it because of the pressure. James said he and Lars were freaking out. He said they were wondering who would want to see that. He said they've seen U2 and the Stones and he wasn't sure how it would have any legs at all. Howard said it's flattering to the ego though. Howard asked how much it costs to make a movie like that. James said that it is expensive. He said they've seen each other thousands of time on screen but they wanted a narrative in there. Robin asked whose idea it was. Lars said they had seen all of these other documentaries and they wanted to do something different. Lars said they didn't need to make it like a documentary so they got this kid Dane DeHaan to play the part and he was great. Lars said that there is no dialog in the film and he had to make heads and tails of the whole thing.
Howard said they provided everything you need to see in the movie. Howard said he was in the gym the other day and he benches 90 pounds. Howard said he hears their song ''Blitzkrieg'' and it gets him hyped up. Howard played some of that song and the guys started playing along with it. Howard asked if they think that their songs inspire violence in some way. Howard said he has to beat the shit out of something when he hears their songs. Kirk said the songs do make a lot of adrenalin flow.
Howard asked how they put a stop to their music being used to torture our enemies in wars. James said you can't stop it. They weren't able to stop it. Howard said that it would be great if they played it for some terrorist and he gets into metal and starts his own band. James said that could be Torture Metal. Lars said there are a lot of fans in the middle east and it's great that they can inspire the unity that they do over there.
Howard said that the guys must be glad that they got into this and didn't stop. James said that they never wanted to get out. Howard said that's because they didn't have a choice. Lars said that when they were starting out they could go to Burger King and feed the guys at the salad bar for cheap. Howard asked if they miss those days.
Lars said they're living the dream some 32 years later. He said they were at the Apollo on Saturday, at Yankee stadium last night and here today. Howard said he was so ashamed of what he did at the 1992 MTV Awards. Howard said he ruined things for them that night. Howard said he almost lost his fingers that night. Howard said he feels bad because that was the first time they were being honored there. Howard said he was showing his ass while they were making a speech. Kirk said that he was like ''What the fuck was that?'' that night.
Howard said that you have to see this new movie ''Metallica Through The Never'' (ThroughTheNeverMovie.com) that opens soon. Howard said the film is great quality even if you're not a fan of the band. Howard said they must have had a lot of cameras during the movie. James said they had a lot. He said it was intense and they brought the experience of you being on stage. He said it was pretty high intensity. Howard said he was jealous of them on Saturday night. Howard said he has to get started playing guitar now and maybe by 90 he'll have a band in full force.
Howard asked why James is the only one with ink on him. James said kirk has some too. Howard said they should all have some ink. Howard asked James if he likes his. James said he has no regrets in his life. He said he loves art and loves what's on him. He said he sometimes wonders what it would be like without them.
Howard asked James if he can tell his kids that they can't get tattoos. James said once they're 18 they can get whatever they want. James said that he was 37 when he got his first tattoo.
Howard asked if they watch the MTV Awards. James said he didn't know MTV was still on. He said he doesn't watch what's going on in music these days. Kirk said it's hard to get him to see what's going on with music these days.
Lars said he doesn't really listen to commercial radio anymore. He said he listens to satellite radio or his iPod. He said he doesn't listen to regular radio anymore. He said commercial radio is a non-entity anymore. Howard said it's hard to sell albums now. Howard said he thinks that they were right about Napster. He said a band cant make money anymore selling albums. James said that there are new ways to make money and there are bands trying. Howard said they might not be able to break through though.
Howard asked James if his kids like music. James said they do. Howard asked if he ever spanks them for listening to shitty music. James said that your parents always hate your music so that's a great thing.
Howard said it was an honor to have them in there to perform today. Howard said the new film is great. Howard said it opens on Friday. Richard said he was moshing in his chair watching the movie. He said the sound is great. He said they have an album coming out for the movie too. He said it was like being in a concert at the theater.
Howard said they have a Metallica channel there at Sirius. Howard said he likes that because he can pump iron to that. Howard said some day he'll be in shape because of that. Howard said these guys play hard and you can't be weak playing like that. Lars said that they are all in better shape now than they've ever been. He said they respect it. He said they have guys who massage and stretch them after the shows.
Howard asked if anyone is a vegetarian. Kirk said he hasn't had red meat since like 1985. Howard said the guys are going to honor them with one last song. This is their song ''Enter Sandman.'' Howard said this is about bad dreams as a kid. Howard said James knows about that. Howard asked if he ever had anyone comfort him at all as a kid. Howard said Lars must have comforted him. James said that Lars let him come to his house and record records. Lars said that they hung out in his room for the first 2 years.
Howard asked if they were doing a tribute to Jimi Hendrix on Saturday night. Kirk said he did that because he learned that Jimi won a talent contest there at the Apollo in 1964. Howard asked if he had to tell the guys in the band he was going to do that. Kirk said he doesn't think he did tell them. He was just feeling it in the moment.
Howard asked James about what this song is about. James said it was about a dysfunctional family. Lars laughed and said it was more than that. He said it was supposed to be about crib death. Howard said he'd like to hear the original lyrics. Lars said he and their manager had to have a talk with James about that. He said this was the first song they wrote together and it was done in a day. Howard asked James if he'll ever write a song about crib death. James said he will now. Howard had the guys leave them with their final song ''Enter Sandman.''
Howard said he could do that all day long. Howard asked if that hurts James' voice. James said it does. He said that it's good to wait a few days between concerts. He said that it's not sounding great this morning. Howard said he thinks it is. Howard asked if he does vocal training. James said he doesn't. He said that Robert has stepped up to help him out during the songs. Robert said they've made him a better musician. Howard asked if they fucked with him by not putting bass on one album. They told Howard that was the wrong guy.
Robert said back in 1993 he was in Suicidal Tendencies and they were on tour with Metallica. He said they were all drinking a bottle of Jagermeister and he drank that whole bottle himself. He didn't know that they weren't drinking with him.
Howard asked if they wear hearing protection. Lars said they wear in ear protection. He said they measured the sound level where he plays and it was 125 DB. He said that he had it so bad at one time that he thought his TV was on. He said it wasn't on. James said that he has tinnitus. Howard asked if they hear a ringing in their ears. James said it's that and all of the other voices you hear in your head. Howard said it must be annoying to hear that ringing in your ear. Lars said that it's bad for him because you can't hear what other people are saying. He said that he has to sit and listen and concentrate on what people are saying in a noisy environment. Lars said it's not getting worse but they have it under control. Lars said when he was 10-12 years old they'd put records on and see who could keep it on 10 for the longest time. He said he talks to his kids about it now and tells them that 30 years from now they might not be able to hear anything.
Robin asked what the fans get. Lars said that if it's one show a year then it's a different story. Howard said he doesn't have ringing in his ears but he has a small cock. Howard said they don't want to hear about that.
Howard said that Billy Joel retired a song that he couldn't stand playing anymore. Howard asked if they have any songs like that. Lars said they play a different set list every night. He said that they mix it up with 60 songs or so that they can more or less play. Howard said they must have to play some songs to make the fans happy. James said they weren't able to play ''Master of Puppets'' in China. The government didn't allow them to do that. Howard said they should have just played it. Lars said those kids really responded to what they did that night. James said they got to play over there and that was the key. Howard asked if they thought of canceling when they said they couldn't play Master of Puppets. Kirk said he snuck some of the licks from the song into the concert.
Howard said it must be tough setting the set list for the movie. James said the Chinese government set that list. Howard said that's great. Howard said that he has to give them a million thanks for coming in this morning. Howard said it was remarkable to see them playing there live. Howard said he'd give them the Kennedy Center Honors but they won't listen to him. Lars said that maybe Howard can induct them with his ass cheeks out again. Howard said he can do that and show his tiny cock.
Howard thanked the guys for coming in and for their new movie and the Metallica channel they have there. Howard gave them some plugs and told them to come in any time they want to play. He said he's sure he'll never see them again though. They went to break a short time later.
Sex With Which Animal Bracket - April 3, 2013. 08/29/14. 8:25am
Next on Mammary Lane Jon and Gary introduced a segment where they played a couple of bracket games. Here's my rundown from that day:
Song Parodies, Joey Boots And More. 04/03/13. 7:35am
After the break we heard a ''Ronnie Mund Reads the Classics'' bit. We also heard a song Richard Christy created with Howard's bar mitzvah tapes and some music.
Howard came back and listened to that song Richard created. Howard said that's ''Jew Rock.'' He said that song is sweeping the country. He said it's the latest trend. Howard said if you listen to that you'll see God. Robin said it's growing on her. She said she hated it yesterday. Howard said it's like a fungus.
Howard went through the top 5 songs and had Rihanna at number 5. Bruno Mars was at 4 and Justin Timberlake was at 3. Howard said number 2 is Harlem Shake. Number 1 is Macklemore and Ryan. He said he saw them on SNL and thought they were good. Howard let the song play for a few seconds. He said that guy is a white kid. Robin said he's not really. Robin said he does a great impression.
Howard played a bit where they had JD Harmeyer running for a political office. They had him giving his thoughts on various things.
Howard said they've been playing the Chyna drops lately where she teaches people English. He said they had a prank phone call and now they have a song parody. He played the song which was to the tune of ''Hey Jude'' with Chyna talking to Gene in those teaching tapes. They had some of her coughs and moans in there too.
Howard asked Robin if she wanted to do some brackets. He said he had a few different ones. Howard said they had one where Robin would pick the hottest guy. Howard said they had what animal would you have sex with. Robin said that's not a game. Robin asked how you have an answer for that. Howard said they have most annoying staffer too. Robin wanted to do that one. Howard said he has to get to a lot of stuff so he asked how long that one would be. Gary said it's only 16.
Howard said they have clips of Joey Boots Baba Booey'ing at a Mets game. Howard said that he did it 3 different times. Howard played the clip of a broadcast where Joey was screaming out the Baba Booey thing. He would yell it out at the top of his lungs and it could be heard very well while this broadcast was happening. He was screaming at the top of his lungs and wouldn't stop. Howard said he's got a very powerful voice. Gary said that the guy talking is a big fan of the show so he knows he's hearing it. He said he knows what it means.
Howard said Joey wasn't done yet. He played more of Joey yelling out Baba Booey. The host kept going with his interview.
Most Annoying Staffer Bracket. 04/03/13. 7:45am
Howard got to the Most Annoying Staffer brackets. Gary said they have it broken down into different groups. First up was the Inner Circle. Howard said he hates that name. He doesn't think there is an inner circle. Gary gave Howard the first choice which was Benjy or Fred. Howard and the guys were talking about Fred and Benjy and how annoying both of them are. Howard said that it's going to be Benjy in everything. He said Scott DePace isn't more annoying than Benjy. Doug isn't either. Howard said Doug is annoying but not like Benjy. Howard said Doug can be very annoying though. Howard said Ronnie isn't more annoying. He said Mike Gange is super annoying but not like Benjy. Howard said that Jason isn't annoying to him. Scott Salem is annoying but not like Benjy. Howard said Sal, Richard, Lisa, Jon Leiberman and Shuli and everyone else were less annoying than Benjy so Benjy wins.
Richard came in and told Howard what he would have picked. He said you have to think about how it would go if you tried to have sex with these things. Howard said he's going to let Richard go through this. He said he has no idea what to pick. Gary would give the guys their choices and they'd explain their answers. Howard said wanted to get this over with. Here are Richard's choices:
- Cheetah or Kangaroo - Kangaroo.
- Sheep or Deer - Deer
- Horse or Cow - Horse
- Rabbit or a Cat - Rabbit
- Goat or Pig - Goat
- Hippo or Dolphin - Dolphin
- Giraffe or Ape - Giraffe
Here are Richard's next 4 picks out of the 8:
- Kangaroo or Dog - Dog
- Deer or Horse - Deer
- Rabbit or Goat - Goat
- Dolphin or a Giraffe - Dolphin
And Richard's final four:
- Dog or Deer - Deer
- Goat or Dolphin - Dolphin
Richard's final pick was the dolphin because they don't have ticks. Howard told him to get out of there. Howard wondered if Sal agreed with that. He said they could double team the dolphin maybe. Howard said he's not sure he wants to play this next clip where you learn how to blow guys. He said he's just turned off to sex now.
Howard said he has a bunch of anchorman laughing over the word penis. Howard played the clip where a news guy was doing a sports report and says penis instead of Peter. Then that made the guys on the newscast laugh.
Howard said they had a news clip where a couple of DJs were kicked off the air for a stunt they pulled on April Fools day. Howard played the clip and they were saying that the DJs had said that they had dihydrogen dioxide coming out of the drinking water and sent people into a panic. It turns out that's just another name for water. Howard said they got suspended over that. Howard said they sent people into a panic over that. Howard said they say that you don't fuck with water, food or shelter on the air.
Howard looked for more stuff to play. He said he has some stuff to play but it's going to take him some time. Howard said he has a clip of a woman who died and said she visited with God. Howard said he had to take a break and get to Louis C.K. next though.
Bigfoot And His Band - January 24, 2007. 08/29/14. 9:10am
Next on Mammary Lane Jon and Gary introduced a segment where Big Foot came in and performed with his band. Here's my rundown from that day:
Big Foot Mark Sings Live... Kind Of. 01/24/07. 8:15am
After the break Howard mentioned that today is his daughter's birthday. She's 14 years old. He was saying that's his oldest daughter but Robin reminded him that he's got two other daughters who are older. He joked that once they pass 15, they're no longer his kids.
Howard had the guys bring in Big Foot Mark who was there with his girlfriend. Robin said she saw his girlfriend accidentally earlier. Gary came in and said they had the door shut but Big Foot had to go to the bathroom so they opened it up. Big Foot said he had to go fix his hair.
Big Foot started talking about this band he has and Artie started to laugh immediately after Big Foot threw in his first ''it is'' as he was describing what he does in his life... it is. Howard wondered how he managed to get a girlfriend. Big Foot was describing his life as being kind of like ''abacco'' but he was trying to say tobacco.
Big Foot said he transports people around for a living. Howard couldn't figure out what he was talking about so Big Foot said he's an undercover taxi driver. He doesn't have a license to do that so he has to keep it quiet. Big Foot said if you take the money in like that, he doesn't have to pay any taxes on it. Everyone stopped talking and Howard let out an Uh Oh! when he heard that tax talk. They told him he may want to talk to Crazy Cabbie about that.
Howard asked Big Foot about this CD he has out. Big Foot described one of his songs called ''Breaking My Heart... it is'' so Howard asked him if he's written any songs about the gay stuff he's been into. Big Foot said he'd rather not write about that nasty stuff he was involved with... it is.
Howard asked Big Foot if he's written anything about blowing guys. Big Foot said most of the songs are about transporting people around and also some love songs. He was going to sing a song about his white Cadillac. He said his friend Kenny Sawyer wrote the song. Kenny was in the studio so Howard asked the guys to give him a microphone so he could speak. Kenny said his friend Mel called him and asked him to help write some songs for him. Big Foot claimed that he wrote the lyrics while Kenny wrote the notes.
Howard went around the room and spoke to each of the guys who were in there with Big Foot. They all know him pretty well and one of the guys told a story about Big Foot going to court one time and telling the judge he was upset with this man because he had ''stolen his dope it is.'' Big Foot said he'll tell a judge anything and he doesn't have a problem talking about that stuff. The guys were also talking about how Big Foot had gotten laid in the hotel room last night. Big Foot said he recorded it for Howard too. Howard liked hearing that. Will told him to hold onto the tape until after they play the girlfriend game.
Howard talked to the guys about how the whole sex thing went. They were all saying that they were hoping it would come to an end pretty quickly. Howard had the guys perform the song a short time later. The guitar player started playing and Big Foot started singing. As soon as he sang his first line, Artie was laughing hysterically. He couldn't stop laughing through the whole song. Big Foot forgot some of the lyrics and kind of spaced out.
Howard said they have another song called ''Here's My Story It Is.'' Howard asked Big Foot why he says ''it is'' after everything he says. Big Foot said that it's a speech impediment he has and he's been saying it for a long time. The guys sang their song but Howard was hearing the other guy more than Big Foot. Howard stopped them and asked Big Foot to sing louder. Big Foot tried it again but he didn't seem to know the song very well. Howard stopped them again and asked Big Foot if he wanted to be reminded about the words.
Artie asked Big Foot if he can read. Big Foot said he can't and they know that. Gary said he looked at him like he wanted to kill him so he pointed out he wasn't the one who said it. Big Foot tried the song again but he needed the other guy to sing along with him. Howard had to put a stop to it a short time later because it was such a bust.
Howard said he had to stop this... it is, it is. The lyrics to the song included ''it is'' quite a bit. Artie said that the only thing musical on Big Foot was the El DeBarge jacket he was wearing. Big Foot had no idea what he was talking about.
Howard asked Big Foot to give that song a try one more time. He tried it but it just wasn't happening. Howard said it was time to meet his girlfriend. Big Foot was kind of upset that he couldn't get the song right because he wanted it to go well. He asked if they could do the White Cadillac song again. Artie told him that maybe he should try Billy Joel's song ''We Didn't Start The Fire.'' That wasn't going to happen.
Howard asked Big Foot if he was upset about something. Big Foot said people have been bothering him about the money he won in the football pool. That led to the guys asking him if his girlfriend came into his life after he won that money. He said she didn't but he's only been dating her for about 2 weeks now. He said he didn't get the money yet so she didn't come to him for the money.
Big Foot asked to play the song again and demanded that the guys get it right this time. Howard pointed out that maybe it was Big Foot's fault it didn't go right. He said that they didn't want to rehearse before the show today so he was blaming them. The guys in the band were saying that they've been trying to help Big Foot out with this stuff. He's got people coming after him for that money he won even though it's only about 8 grand.
Howard asked the guys to just do a song real quick. Big Foot wanted to sing his White Cadillac song once again. They went into the song again and Artie started laughing hysterically again. Big Foot forgot the words again so they had to stop. Gary asked whose fault that was. Big Foot said he needed the guy to sing along with him so he could pick up on the words. He said he thought they were going to work with him, not against him.
Robin asked Big Foot how he's going to go on tour like this. Big Foot said he might have to get rid of these guys and get someone else to perform with him. He said he wrote the song but he had some help when he was doing it. These guys were supposed to be his backup. Howard asked Big Foot to sing a simpler song or something. Artie suggested Happy Birthday.
The guys tried one more time but we heard more of the guitar player's voice than Big Foot's. Howard told them they had done a good job after that. Robin said that maybe it was the happy smoke he had before the show that didn't help things out. Howard told Big Foot that this dog in the band Caninus actually remembers it's words better than he does. Howard decided to let Big Foot go for a little while. He had Janice Dickinson to get to. He said they'll bring them back after her visit.
Howard gave Big Foot a plug for his band which is called The Real Big Foot Band. Big Foot didn't remember the name of the band. Howard was going to play some of the CD before they go to break so he can get a little taste of that. He played a short clip but it didn't sound much different than what he had just done live. Howard let the guys go a short time later and went to break.