- Back Live - Jimmy Kimmel Sits In. 10/15/18. 7:00am
Show opening bits and songs included: ''The All Animal Metal Channel'' commercial parody, a JD Harmeyer sex tip, a phony phone call to the Donna Corleone internet radio show using Angry Alice clips, Jewel performing ''Who Will Save Your Soul'' in the Howard Stern Show studio, Tan Mom announcing that they have Ike Barinholtz coming in today.
Howard and the guys were back live this morning. Howard started the show talking about getting fired up from his opening song. He said Jimmy Kimmel is in today. He told Robin to look at that. Howard asked why Fred turned down the music. Fred said it was an accident. Howard said Jimmy is there doing his yearly trip to Brooklyn. He said he was raised in Brooklyn somehow. He said that's what he claims. Jimmy said he moved to Las Vegas in the 4th grade. Howard said he asked him the other day if moving the show to Brooklyn if more people watch. Jimmy said they do. He said they're special shows. He said they work harder on this than the regular shows. Howard asked why. Jimmy said he's not sure why.
Howard said they used to do the Las Vegas shows and they claimed the ratings would go up. He said it's a big pain in the ass to move the show. He said the show is better there in New York though. Jimmy said it's different in radio. He said it's big for TV but radio you're still just hearing voices.
Howard said Jimmy is going to be leaving to do the Kelly and Regis show. Jimmy said he thinks Regis is gone. Howard said he saw him the other day. He said he lives in his building. He said he and his wife Joy are there occasionally. He said he saw him and he felt bad. He said he felt good and bad. He said he felt bad because Regis lost his show. He asked Fred when he's going to kill that song slowly. Fred said it seemed like it was a good idea to let it go. He said he had 12 seconds to go. Howard said he's fired. Jimmy said he doesn't want to be there when that happens. Howard said Fred has a job for life. Jimmy said that he should have 2 salaries.
Howard said he felt bad for Regis because he used to have a show. He said now he doesn't have a show because he got old. He said that's the only reason. Jimmy said he loved doing that show. He never would have retired. Howard said he doesn't care how many press releases ABC puts out, he aged out. He said they pushed him out of the tribe. He said it was his show.
Howard asked Jimmy if he would go back to ABC and stick up for Regis. Jimmy said he thinks that ship has sailed. Howard said Regis said to him that he never really listened to his show and then he listened for 3 hours in the car and he was hooked. He said Regis said he gets the show now. He said that's kind of cool. He said he's part of Stern Nation.
Jimmy said maybe Regis could be their announcer if George Takei never comes back. Howard said they reached out to him and he is coming back. Gary said he may have put that off. He said an article came out last week and it may have put him off to it for a while. Howard said that's too bad.
Howard said there's so much to talk about. He said he feels like they don't have enough time to do it. He said Jimmy has to go do the Kelly Ripa show. He said that they have concentrated time and they don't have a lot of time with Jimble Kimble.
Jimmy said they went out to dinner on Saturday. He said that some guy said that they knew him and called him David Letterman. Howard asked if that bothers him. Jimmy said not at all. He said he's been on TV for 16 years and someone called him David Letterman. He said it's a good reminder that you're not that important.
Howard said Jimmy was telling him his work schedule. He said he has 2 younger kids and 2 older kids. He said he's working hard and sacrificing so much of his life and he gets out of a car and people think he's David Letterman. Jimmy said he always wanted to be David Letterman so that's fine.
Howard said that Jimmy has been on TV a long time and he's the elder statesman of TV at this point. He said he heard he has his wife and Cousin Sal there in the green room. Jimmy said they have the whole staff there. He said that everyone wanted to come. He said he has his brother there and some of the staff. He said he has a former intern of Howard's there too.
Howard asked why Ronnie is his favorite staff member on the show. Jimmy said there are a few things. He said there's no one like Ronnie. He said he's the only one. He said he's so honest and you'd never expect that from a man of his type. Howard asked if he was shocked that he puts stuff in his ass. Jimmy said most people wouldn't admit that. He said that he's like a modern day Dr. Ruth.
Jimmy said another thing he likes is when Ronnie gets mad at you he answers you before you're done asking a question. Howard said Fred's impression of Ronnie is great too.
Jimmy said that the impressions on the show don't really sound like the people but they really are like them. He said Ronnie sounds the most like Ronnie. Howard said he likes talking about this.
Howard said Jimmy revealed something at dinner the other night. He asked if that was a result of Ronnie's openness. Jimmy said it was Howard's openness. He said Howard was talking about the Brett Kavanaugh thing where he admitted he was masturbating during the testimony. Howard said he turned off the TV. He said he was disgusted by the way the senators were talking to Dr. Ford. He said he was so disgusted that he went up and masturbated. He said he was watching step mothers masturbating their sons. He said he was feeling bad for the fathers and feeling bad about the whole Kavanaugh situation. He said that primal urge never goes away.
Jimmy said that his wife told him not to tell that story. He said she claims she's never heard the story. He said that it was the Man Show. He said he was making edit notes on the show. He said they shot a bit with Household Hits with porn stars and he had a very long reel and it was very sexual. He said he was in his late 20s at the time. He said at that time his imagination still worked. He said he was watching this and started masturbating. He said he was in his office at the time. He said he was doing that in his office and closed his eyes and then heard his ex-wife asking if he was masturbating to Adam. He said he opened his eyes and the next scene was Adam at the Hardware store. He said she caught him masturbating to Adam. He said he tried to explain it but she was running to go tell her friends that she caught him masturbating.
Howard asked if he saw the humor in it. Jimmy said it was immediately funny. He said he was very ashamed though. Howard said that's so embarrassing. He said he knew if his mother caught him it would have been so embarrassing. He said he had such a military operation when he masturbated. He said he learned to jack off like a jack rabbit. He said he could sneak into the bathroom and get it done and go to bed.
Jimmy said he's pretty careful. He said he wonders how many times he's done it and how many languages he could have learned or how many instruments he could have learned. Robin asked why they spent so much time doing it. Howard said he wasn't an excessive masturbator. He said he knew a guy who did it 5-6 times a day. He said he thinks he was just normal.
Howard said has so much trouble thinking of Jimmy as sexual. He said he thinks of him as being cerebral. He said he can't tell with him. Jimmy said when he was around 15 years old he was masturbating without lube. He said that he started going to bed earlier and earlier so he could do it before going to sleep. He said he's been caught doing it like 4 times in his life. Howard said Molly caught him 2 times already. Jimmy said he has a hard time covering up.
Howard said he went home and said he has to talk to Jimmy about masturbating. He said every time Adam is on TV. Howard asked if he's still in touch with Dr. Drew. Jimmy said they keep in touch. He said he sees Adam maybe once a month. Howard asked if he thinks Adam is jealous of him. Jimmy said he doesn't think so at all. Howard said Adam is one of the funniest guys but Jimmy's career has sky rocketed. Howard asked if he is his Brian Dunkleman. Jimmy said not at all. He said Adam is doing very well. He said he works like a maniac and Adam doesn't want to do that. He said he's interested in his cars and stuff.
Howard said he knows that he's not his best friend anymore but who is. Jimmy mentioned Molly sand Howard said he has to have her in there to talk about catching him masturbating. Howard said Beth will never catch him. He said he can say that with certainty. He said he convinces her that he doesn't even do that. Howard asked if Molly knows when he takes a dump. Jimmy said he has to talk about it after if he's done a good one. Howard asked if he goes off and disappears. Jimmy said he isn't that ashamed of it. Howard said he's so ashamed. He said he doesn't want to shit in front of Beth. He doesn't want her smelling that rank stuff. He said it takes the romance away. Jimmy said his dad was bragging about shitting his initials. He said that he bragged about shitting the letter J for the second time in his life. He said his son Kevin made a number 2 in the shape of a number 2.
Molly came in so Howard asked her why she was up so early. Molly said they have to work this morning. Howard asked Molly if she hides her shitting. Molly said she does. She said that she would like it if Jimmy hid it from her. She said that it's pretty obvious when he does it. Howard asked how she's involved. Jimmy said he flushes immediately before the mopping up thing. He said he has a Toto toilet and there is a side effect of it. He said you find yourself without one and you don't feel clean. He said he thinks that the toilet paper wiping removes the hair from the ass. He said when you only wash with water the hair grows wild. Molly said it's time to go home. She said they've touched on masturbation and shitting now.
Howard said he masturbates as much as Jimmy does and he doesn't deny it. He said when they were at dinner the other night he revealed that Molly caught him twice. Howard said it sounds like he wants to be caught. Jimmy said he doesn't. He said it's twice in 10 years. Howard said he goes in a locked room and he covers the camera on his device when he's doing it. He asked Jimmy to describe this again.
Jimmy said he was downstairs and thought he'd hear footsteps. He said this sneaky Ninja made it down and he jumped up. He said he immediately said ''I'm masturbating!'' Molly said he could have gotten away with it but he just yelled it out. Howard asked if she became the mother and asked what he was doing. she said she just said that it was okay and grabbed her water. She said she just said it's okay and went to bed. Howard said never confesses to Beth. He said he always tells her he does it for the air. He said he doesn't want her to feel that he has to masturbate. He said he does it to get the poison out. He said that it's different than sex.
Howard asked Molly what she thinks. She said he did think she was asleep. She said she would prefer that over waking her up. Howard said it's more of a medical procedure. Jimmy said that it's like flossing. He said it's not necessary but it's nice.
Howard said he admires Molly because she was terrific. He said that if he got caught he'd kill himself. He said that she was very nice about it. He said that's a turn on. He said that she just went back to bed. Jimmy said it's not like she's not masturbating. Molly said that it's time to go. She said Kelly and Regis are waiting. Jimmy said Regis is not there.
Howard said that maybe masturbation is the key to a healthy marriage. Molly said that she's not against it. Howard said that it has to be tough for the two of them. He said that Jimmy is working all the time so she has to be able to get it done herself.
Howard asked if it was great to see Ronnie out there. Molly said she loves Jimmy's face when he's around Ronnie. Molly said she was happy to see JD and Robin. Molly said she loves JD. She said he's wonderful. She said that he has a terrible hand shake. She said that you can almost feel how many times he's jerked off. Molly ran off after that. Howard said he loves that woman. He said he thinks Jimmy married very well.
Jimmy said getting caught masturbating once in 5 years isn't that much. Howard said he's never been caught. Howard said Molly has caught him twice and his other wife caught him once. Fred said his wife has never caught him. He said he believes in locked doors.
Howard said women are disgusted by Ronnie but men love him. Jimmy said that Joelle has a crush on Ronnie so it's not all dudes.
Howard asked how many people he has on his staff. Jimmy said he has 150. Howard asked if he gets them all gifts. Jimmy said that he does on their birthdays.
Howard said they have to take a break but he has more questions for Jimmy. He said he heard that Mariann from Brooklyn called him asking for something. Jimmy said she called his Executive Producer asking to get into the show in Brooklyn. Jimmy said that he wants the Wack Pack there of course. He said Mariann then found out that Howard isn't on the show and said she doesn't want to come. He said she rejected him. Howard said he loves that about Mariann. He said she got tickets to the show and turned them down. Jimmy said they were VIP. He said he had to save this for on the air. He said Howard never wants to do the show but maybe some part of him is insulted that he wasn't asked to be on the show.
Howard said when they were driving to dinner on Saturday Beth was quizzing him about things like his kid's names. He said he forgot Jane's name for a second. He said Beth knows there is something wrong with him. He said that there are some topics that he may want to bring up. He said Beth was helping him out with that. He said that she brought up Molly's movie appearance and how her job is an things like that. He said then Beth will tell him to thank Jimmy for not inviting him to be on his show. He said if he brought that up he'd think he wanted to be on the show. He said if he was invited he'd have to do it. He said Jimmy is the most wonderful human being he has ever met.
Howard said he is the most thoughtful person in his life. He said that Jimmy has sent him notes and they're so touching. He said he gets emotional about them. He said that's the kind of guy he is. Jimmy said he loves Howard and the show. Jimmy said that he feels he knows most of the stuff going on in Howard's life from listening to the show. He said he has to mention things from the show when he talks to him. He said he thinks that he lacks in that department so that's nice to hear.
Howard said sometimes he really lifts his spirits. He said he was so happy that he didn't invite him on the show. He said when he has something to promote he will go on his show. He said that he doesn't want to go on this time. He said he did think that last time he was on he sucked so Jimmy didn't want him there. Robin said that made him think he wasn't desired on the show.
Howard said Alex Jones wants to speak to Jimmy. He took the call from fake Alex who was calling in just for Jimmy. They had an intro for him and Alex was telling him that he is fraud and he should not do his show. Fake Alex had some conspiracy theories about Jimmy and how he's a traitor to this country. Alex got in some ads too.
Howard asked Jimmy if he's still enjoying doing the show. He said that he did the Oscars last year without incident. He said his career is on fire. Jimmy said it's simmering. He said he doesn't enjoy doing anything he has to do. He said there are some nights that he thinks he's done. He said one show last week was one of those nights. He said something was going on Monday night. He said he didn't think he was being funny. He said he wasn't good with the guests and nothing clicked. He said the next night was great so he figured he could do it more. Howard said it's fun when he's there doing the show. Jimmy said this is something he enjoys doing. Howard said Ike is there so he can stay there for that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that they should just blow each other because they seem to have some kind of love affair going on. Howard said they can 69. He said he's not afraid to love Jimmy. He said just because he's a dude doesn't mean he has to blow him. He said it's taken him a long time to get to that point where he can feel for people. The caller said he was just kidding and it's fine.
Howard asked if Jimmy liked the diaper contest with Sal and Richard. Jimmy said he did like it but he had a problem with them measuring in pounds instead of ounces. Howard said he's right about that because Gary had him confused about that too.
Howard said that Jimmy got him into betting on Dancing with the Stars. Jimmy said that he was off for one year but he's in for this year. He said it's not easy to pick the winner. He said that he's going with Demarcus Ware this season. Robin said the way he talks about it makes him sound like the worst gambler. Howard said he's not betting on the kids version of the show. Jimmy said he's not. Howard said they have to take a break and have Ike come in.
Howard said Jimmy was in with Ike last time Ike was there. Jimmy said Ike is very funny. He said he has anew movie coming out. Jimmy said they have Eminem coming on his show tonight. Howard said he thinks he messed up with Eminem on his show years ago. He said he doesn't think he had a good time in there.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said she's sorry for backing out of the show. She asked why she would go without him. Howard said he wants to thank Jimmy for not inviting him. He said Jimmy didn't ask him and that was very kind of him. Mariann said she's very proud of him for doing that. She said he knew that he was in that position. Jimmy said that wasn't very nice of Mariann to do what she did. Howard said Jimmy felt bad. Mariann said she's sorry about that. Howard hung up on her and went to break a short time later.
- Ike Barinholtz Visits. 10/15/18. 8:00am
After the break they played a song parody with Ronnie clips, a ''Baba Booey's Greatest Moments on Vinyl'' commercial parody and Chris Stapleton's ''Broken Halos.''
Howard came back and said that was Chris Cornell. Fred corrected him. Howard said he wasn't paying attention. He said that he's doing things in there.
Howard said that he only has another 15 minutes with Jimmy but Ike Barinholtz is there. He said he has directed a movie called The Oath. Ike came in and said that he can't see Fred over there. He asked how he can talk to him. Fred said you can't.
Ike was doing his impression of Tan Mom saying his name ''Ike Bare-holes.'' Ike said he liked that Adam Bartha guy. He started to sing her Tan Mom song. Fred played some of that. Robin said she had just gotten that out of her head. Howard said he did too.
Ike said every time he comes in he has to pay his respects to a Wack Packer that passed away. He said this time it was Evil Dave. Howard said he did an obituary for Dave. Ike said he loved when Dave would bomb after going off script. He said Howard would get so mad. Ike said they were the worst. Ike said one time a guy called in saying he sucked and Dave just said ''I'm under the weather, sir.'' Howard said he was the best. He said they had like 10 million back stories on him. He said you assumed he could do impressions but he just sounded like Letterman. He said Letterman hated it. Ike said he was a very special man. Howard said he really was. He said he feels bad for his wife. He said she was just trying to get him under control. Jimmy said he's under control now.
Howard said he heard that he likes some of the new guys working there now. Ike said he likes the new guys like Memet and Brent. He said that poor Gary has seen a progression of people come in and think they can produce the show better than he can. Howard said it's a constant thing for him.
Howard said both Jimmy and Ike are going to be on Regis and Kelly this morning. Jimmy said he only has 8 minutes left. Howard asked why he booked himself on this show and that show. Jimmy said he doesn't know. He said they're in Brooklyn and the traffic takes forever.
<>Howard said they should call Kelly and Regis and tell them that they're just staying there. He asked what Kelly and Regis would do. Ike said he likes this game. Jimmy said he's sure that they'd figure out what to do. Ike said Regis isn't on that show anymore. Jimmy said he is not. Howard asked if Ike will go on and call Ryan ''Regis.'' Ike said he'll do it.
Howard said they once had Jimmy ask Kelly some questions that they came up with. Howard said maybe he can go on with Regis. Ike said that would be a great promotion for his movie. Howard said he's sure that Kelly wouldn't have Regis on again. He said that she's never had him on since he left. Howard said Jimmy should ask her.
Howard asked why she's never had him on then. Jimmy said he's not sure. Howard said they should address this when they go on. Robin said just go on and ask where Regis is. Howard said there must be something going on there with Regis and Kelly. Ike said he has nothing to lose so he'll ask.
Howard said here's what he wants to ask. He said he wants one of the guys to go on and ask if Kelly was on a boat with Regis and Michael Strahan, who would she push overboard to drown. Howard asked who would have the nerve to ask that question. Robin said she thinks they know the answer. Jimmy said he thinks that she'd push Michael Strahan over. Ike said you have to tune into the show. He said he will ask the question. Howard said they'll throw him right off the show. Ike said he has a film to promote so he may not.
Howard asked if they think that Kelly has ever caught her husband jerking off. Ike said she caught him jerking off to Adam Carolla.
Ike said he got caught masturbating by his mom. Howard said Ike's wife is hot. He said that he wondered how hot a CPA could be but she's hot. He said it's a tremendous thing. He said that she must have been harassed at the office. Ike said they're all accountants. He said that she's never told him anything that's happened to her. He said that she's also very tall at 5'11'' so maybe that has something to do with it. Ike said she used to work for PWC who handled the Oscar winners.
Howard asked if Ike has locks on his bathroom door. Ike said he can't because he has a few kids under the age of 5. He told Howard he stands to wipe and he will even look into a mirror to make sure there's nothing in there.
Howard said he hopes that Jimmy doesn't leave. Jimmy said it's time to go. Howard asked if either one will ask Kelly if she knows when Mark Conseulos goes to the bathroom. Jimmy said he'll ask that but he may not do it on air. Howard said he has to do it on air. Ike said Mark married Howard and his wife. Howard said he did. He said he hasn't seen Mark since.
Gary came in saying that Jimmy has to get going. Howard said that's too bad. Jimmy ran off to do the show. Howard said he loves him. Jimmy said he loves him too. Robin said she's sad to see him go. Howard told Jimmy to ask Kelly some questions. Jimmy said he will but off air. Ike said he'll do it.
Howard asked Ike if he smokes weed with Seth Rogen. Ike said he does. Howard said he had a terrible accident. He said Ike should tell this story. Ike said he hasn't talked about this. He said he did a movie called Blockers last year. He said it's a teen sex comedy that Howard would love. Howard said he laughed his balls off at this clip he saw. He said John Cena was really funny in the clip. He said this was where they go to some party and the kids are chugging beer through their assholes. He said Cena is taking it in his ass and he farts and Ike takes the splash in the face.
Ike said they were doing this film last time he was there. He said he was in there promoting ''Snatched.'' He said he went back to do Blockers after that appearance. He said on the last day of shooting they were doing a stunt in the movie. He said they were running around a hotel balcony and he bumps into a kid and he falls off the balcony. He said they had shot some of it. He said the end of the shoot is chaotic.
Ike said he showed up on the last day of the shoot and he walks in. He said they had built this 25 foot platform to look like the balcony. He said his stunt double was there. He said that the first AD shows him playback of what he's going to do. He said he sees this guy get shoved off this thing. He said there's like 5 feet of mat under it. He said it's like a gym mat. He said that you assume it's going to go fine.
Ike said he went up to the top and he was told he just has to fall off the ledge. He said he wanted to be a team player. He said he did the first take and he hits the ground and he's screaming in pain. He said he can't move. Ike said he was blacking out. He said people were all around him. He said he remembers his toes not moving. He said he thought he was okay but he couldn't move the left side of his body. He said he can't move and there's pain. Ike said he was looking over and people were praying. He said he tried to get up and they stop him. He said they sent him to a hospital.
Howard said he must be freaking out seeing them praying. Ike said he was. He said that they went to the hospital and he was told he had fractured his 6th and 7th cervical vertebra. He said he was there for like 10 hours. He said they had to inject dye into you and they fucked it up. He said they said they had to do it again. He said he was able to walk but he had searing pain. He said hew went to L.A. and flew home. He said every jolt of turbulence was horrible. He said he just had to get home though.
Ike said he went to see one doctor and he told him this was not good. He said he told him he was very lucky and he showed him if he had broken up an inch he would have been like Christopher Reeve.
Ike said he was super depressed for a while. He said Judd Apatow called him and said he heard what happened. He said he suggested a doctor. Ike said he went to see this guy and he was told this was bad and he had to take care of himself. He said he had to get surgery. He didn't want that. He said that he wondered what he should do. He said he was thinking of just eating because he was depressed. He said that he had a long talk with Mindy Kaling and friends. He said every morning he would take this plastic brace that was huge and strap it on. He said he was supposed to have the proper posture. He said he would walk for like 5-10 miles. He said he'd walk and walk every day for 3 hours. He said it was painful to do it. He said after about 3 months of doing that and taking care of himself it started to slowly heal. He said he didn't take anything but weed. He said it still hurt but he didn't care.
Howard asked if he was wasted the whole time. Ike said he was smoking when he felt down. Howard said you have to be careful when you do stunts like that. Ike said there's been an epidemic of people dying in stunts lately. He said they're trying to make them more and more spectacular.
Howard said he heard his whole dick blew up from a vasectomy too. Ike said he and his wife were talking about having another kid. He said that his wife told him he had to get a vasectomy. He said he figured no problem. He said he went in saw a doctor. He said he wanted to be knocked out for it but they said they don't do that. He said the procedure was at 7:45 in the morning. He said he didn't want to see a bunch of doctors holding his dick. He said that they're in there opening up your sack and stuff.
Howard took a call from Stephen Hawking from heaven who was giving Ike some ''Wah'' comments about his almost being paralyzed.
Ike said that he went in for his vasectomy and went home. He said on day 3 he woke up and he went to pee and his dick was purple. He said it was like Grimace from McDonald's purple. He said it was L.A. Laker purple. He said they didn't warn him about this. He said that he called the doctor and they said this was normal. He said he had to show his wife this. He said he took a photo of his dick and sent it to his wife at work. He said she came home and said don't send that to her at work. She said that it looked all purple and she saw it on the cold counter so it looked weird.
Ike said he had to jerk off like 40 times to get the old sperm out. He said that his cock went back to normal after a week or so. He said that he felt nervous jerking off. He said he was afraid to do it. He said his load was lighter and it took a minute. He said he felt like he was playing with a loaded gun. He said he took his doctors orders and jerked off. He said that after a day or two he gets grossed out by porn. He said that there are things he likes in porn and things he won't fuck with. He said he likes the older MILF stuff. He said he feels bad for the younger women. He said he doesn't like the totally shaved thing. He said he equates that with young girls. He said he hates the new bend in porn with step sisters and stuff. Howard said he likes that but just in porn. He said he doesn't want to fuck his own stepmother or anything. Ike said he has to stop with that stuff and not do it. He said it's just too accessible now.
Howard said no one is looking for him to do a stunt but he'd never want to do that. He said even in Private Parts they had him do a stunt. Ike said this stunt was cut from the movie. He said he was very glad about that. Howard said he knows Ike has to leave to go see Regis and Kelly. Robin said he's still saying Regis. Ike said he's friends with Regis' daughter. He said she's a writer. He said that they should keep his name out there.
Howard said Ike wrote and directed his own movie. He said it seems like it takes a long time to do that. Ike said it took like a year. He said he got into a fight at Thanksgiving and he knew that the mood of the people is so angry and divided. He said everyone has been though that. He said this movie takes a bad turn and people start getting beaten over it. He said it's kind of making fun of the political climate they're in. Howard asked if he had to go out and raise money for the movie. Ike said he brought it to the guys who did Get Out and Black Klansman.
Howard asked how much he thinks Get Out cost to make. Ike said it was probably 10 million and it made well over 100 million. Ike said he shot his movie for under 2. He said if he has a story to tell where he doesn't have a ton of locations to shoot on then it's not that hard. He said that the cast signed on because they believed in the movie. He said that the movie shot in about 20 days. Howard said that they had no time for nonsense. Ike said it was all in one take. He said there are so many movies out there now. He said he has the Lady Gaga movie, Venom and more. He said that this movie is like nothing out there. He said it's good to see in a theater too. He said that you get both a comedy and a thriller. Howard said if it makes money then he can make more movies. He said that's the deal. Ike said that's all out of his hands. He said that all he can do is tell these stories that are crazy and different and weird.
Howard asked if he does impressions in the movie. Ike did his Obama impression. He said he just saw Quentin Tarantino and he saw him at a late night show. He said he loves his movies. He said he walked in and told him he's a huge fan and Quentin brushed him off. He said a few minutes later he came running in saying he remembers him from The Mindy Project that he watches all the time.
Howard said he looks kind of like the Wahlbergs. Ike said he gets that a lot. He said he used to get Mark and then Donnie but now he's the Burger flipper brother.
Howard asked if he has had a black woman in real life because he has a black wife in this movie. Ike said he has.
Howard took a call from Ralph who asked if the mats were all wrong for that stunt. Ike said it was not well conceived or communicated. Howard asked if he wanted to sue. Ike said if he wasn't able to move he thinks that might be the case. He said he healed himself and he didn't need to do that. He said he just wanted to move on. Howard asked how much work he missed out on. Ike said that he went back to work for The Mindy Project but he had to wear a neck brace the whole season. He said he was honest about the whole thing. He said once he was able to hold his kids again he knew he was going to be okay. Ralph asked if he can please post his grimace dick picture. Ike said of course he will. He said that he did send it to his high school friends. Ralph said he has to share it with the fans too. Ike said he'll do that.
Howard said he has to tell the story about vomiting on the plane recently. Ike said he's been going all over the place promoting this movie. He said he knows that people will like this movie. He said he was flying all over the country. He said one was to New York. He said he started sweating from something that was probably food poisoning. He said the worst feeling is when you feel like you have to vomit and you have 3 hours left on the flight. Ike said the flight attendants were so nice about it. He said he was moaning and Blockers was playing on half the plane.
Ike said as they are landing he just ran to the front of the plane. He said he went into the bathroom and it was so hard to navigate. He said that he can't bend down because he's so big. He said that he was afraid that the vomit would splash back on him. He said that he spent the entire deplaning in the bathroom.
Ike said he once took a flight from Amsterdam and it smelled like shit the whole time. He said this woman next to him was saying that this airline was the worst. The guy sitting next to her died on the flight and she had to fly back with a corpse. Howard said he had better not be late for Kelly's show. Ike said he doesn't care.
Ike said that if the fans have ever been entertained by him at all on the show then they have to go see this movie. He did his Tan Mom impression and that led to them playing her song again. Howard said The Oath is opening nationwide this weekend. Howard gave him some plugs and wrapped up with him. They went to break a short time later.
- Howard's Scarf Almost Pissed On. 10/15/18. 9:00am
After the break Howard came right back and said they have had a very busy morning. He said he almost urinated on his scarf. He said he's started wearing that for fall. He said that's his overall look for his pencil neck. He said that makes it look fuller. Robin said there are some women who cover up their neck and you never see it. Howard said he wishes he had worked out or taken up a sport as a kid. He said he'd have a more athletic look if he had. He said he thinks he would have worked hard at that. Robin said that might not make you any better. Robin said some people are just gifted with that.
Howard said he doesn't feel like anyone took an interest in him growing up. He said he didn't do a very good job with that.
Howard said when he was peeing he was holding his penis with his underwear. He said he does that so he doesn't touch it. He said he has become very adept at that and he avoids slippage and wet from that. He said if you let go of your underwear it can make you piss in your face. He said he has never done that but he's an expert. He said he realized his scarf started to drift toward his stream. He said he wasn't sure what he would do if that happened. He said he has to talk to Ralph about what to do about the scarf moving around so much. He said it's constantly falling on the floor.
Howard said he wants to come to work in his shitty jeans and not worry. He said they have the app now so he has to worry about how presentable he is. He said nothing is easy in his life. He said you should get the app just to see how bad he looks. He said he just wants to be normal guy. He said he tries to do his hair but it gets too big from pulling it out too much. He said he looks silly hiding behind his microphone. He said that Robin and Fred don't worry about that. Robin said that she should hide. Howard said stop it.
Howard said it's like the Wizard of Oz behind the microphone. He said he can hide his whole face behind that skinny microphone too. He said it's weird.
Howard said he went out to dinner with Jimmy and his wife on Saturday. He said they went to Il Molino. He said they had a 7:30 reservation and that's late for him. He said there was nothing earlier. He said the whole day he was bummed out knowing it was that late. He said they didn't get out until 11 that night. He said he's usually in bed by 9. He said he has become his parents. He said he's miserable when he has to eat that late. He said traffic was horrible too.
Howard said he had one glass of wine while everyone else was having multiples. He said he was sipping his one. He said he was going to order a second one but he has that liver thing. Robin asked if he drinks every night. Howard said he doesn't.
Howard said he loves Jimmy and Molly. He said he never gets to see them since they live on the West coast. He said they have young kids now so it's tough for them to come visit. He said he's not going out to L.A. so that's why they don't see a lot of each other.
Howard said he had to go to the bathroom and he had to stand on line. He said there was a men's and women's bathroom. He said people were starting in with him with selfie. He said they were all asking for pictures. He said Jimmy does it and has no problem with it. Howard said this woman said she wanted to take one but Jimmy told them not to bother Howard with that. Howard said he had to explain to this woman that he doesn't like his look so he won't do it. He said she was arguing with him. He said he won't do it. He said he doesn't want to be circulated with his bad looks. He said he's not even sure this woman was a fan. He said some people say that just to get a photo. He said he's sorry but he thinks he looks like shit so he won't take the picture.
Howard said he was cursed. He said he hates taking pictures with people. He said if he was hot he'd be on TV and not radio. He said now he's on TV with the app.
Howard said even walking out he was telling people no to selfies and then he sees Jimmy taking them. He said he was thinking he should do it but he just got in his car and left. He said he was exhausted from being out so late. He said he doesn't want to be out late. Robin said it's all psychosomatic. Howard said he knows. He said he thinks he just makes it up too.
Howard said he peed right away when he went into the bathroom there. He said he won't go until he really has to go. He said he holds it and holds it. He said he's always nervous about it and now he just waits. He said he had to race to the bathroom.
Howard said he's not sure why he has such self esteem. He said Benjy's face is flaking off and he has such confidence. He said he'll take pictures with anyone. That led to Fred doing his Benjy impression. Howard said Benjy looks like he was poisoned by that guy Assad or he was in Tokyo and had a fire breathing dragon breathing on him. He said that he looks like he was gassed with mustard gas.
Gary said Benjy is really angry out there. He said he's saying that if he took a picture with him and Fred that he'd have the best skin. Howard said he has good skin. He said he's being complimentary.
Benjy came in and said that he's being totally wrong about this. Howard asked why he's got a beard and coloring it. He said it looks fake. Benjy said he thinks he looks better. He said take a picture of him with Fred right now and he'll look better. He said Fred has oily skin with bumps on it. Howard said he was just saying that he has more confidence than he does. Benjy said take a close up of his skin and it's better. Benjy said his scarf also looks horrible. He said it's very effeminate. Howard told him to get out. They played him out with a song parody about his red skin.
Howard said he was just talking about how he almost peed on his own scarf. He said he didn't ask Benjy about his scarf. He said he don't have to volunteer that.
- Howard Takes Some Calls. 10/15/18. 9:15am
Howard took a call from a guy who asked who picks up the tab when they go out to diner with Jimmy. Howard said he picked it up. He said that he thinks it was expected of him to pick it up. He said that it's really weird with him. He said whenever he goes to dinner with someone famous he always makes the move to take out his wallet. He said he expects someone do take theirs out but no one ever feels funny about him taking his out. He said he was in Florida with a guy who is a known billionaire and he's no billionaire. He said these guys don't even have to go to work. He said they just make money. He said he's just a radio guy who got lucky. He said this guy invites him out to dinner and he called him for years to go out to dinner. He said he goes and the guy doesn't reach for his wallet. He said he wanted to go home after 4 hours of this guy talking to him and he just had to get the fuck out of there. He said Beth was almost unconscious. He said he was waiting for the guy to take his wallet out. He said not a chance. He said these dinners are not cheap. He said he's not at the Olive Garden. He said he leaves a 50 percent tip too. He said then he feels bad afterward.
Howard said this guy claims he has billions. He said he's not the only one either. He said he did pay for Jimmy's dinner too. He said that he's not sure why he's saying the name of the place either. He said it's free advertising. He said that Jimmy has picked up the tab a lot. He said that he's not keeping track of this shit.
Howard said the other night someone invited him out to dinner and he paid for that too. He said that Bon Jovi took him out and actually paid. He said if you invite someone out then you should pay. He said that Jon took him to Applebees.
Howard took a call from Jim From Raleigh who asked if he's pissed that Jimmy ran off to do Ryan and Kelly. Howard said don't at all. He said it was expected. Howard said they had a great time with Jimmy this morning. He said he loves how he and Molly were talking about masturbating.
Howard said he thinks it's good for his relationship that he's still trying to impress Beth by not telling her about masturbating and hiding his shitting from her. Robin said that she knows happily married couples who use the same bathroom. Howard said he's not sure what he did when he was going out with women and didn't have multiple bathrooms. He said he's not sure how Jimmy shits and Molly knows. He said that he has a lot of bathrooms in his house. Howard said JD's wife must smell his shit. JD said they have a window in their bathroom so he opens it immediately.
Howard said he was reading about how women should buy a candle. He said he read this article and they say that the lightning of the candle gets the smell out. He said it's an unscented candle. He said that's a signal to the guy to stay away. He said why not buy a lighthouse to warn the guy. He said Gary goes down to the lobby of a hotel to shit if he has to shit on vacation.
Gary said it is gross and he does leave when he has to shit. Howard said in GQ they say light an unscented candle. He said it's a warning. He said he'd be self conscious about that too.
Howard asked JD if his wife shits when he's around. JD said he thinks she does it while he's away a lot. He said that she has farted in front of him. Howard asked why. JD said she's drinking protein drinks and doing crossfit so she ends up farting.
Gary said that he had a friend who lived in the city and the apartment had a toilet that was just behind a wall. It wasn't closed off.
Jim said that you don't want to go down on a woman after you've smelled their shit. He asked if you can imagine how bad JD's shit smells. Howard said JD eats garbage so you know it has to be bad. Howard said he's eating almost all vegetables now and his smell isn't that bad. He said he likes when he's stinky. He said it reminds him that he's alive. He said he courtesy flushes constantly too. He said he loves his Toto toilet so much. He said he doesn't let anyone use it. He said it's so good he doesn't have to use baby wipes anymore. He said that while the water is getting into his asshole he can burp the water out and the remnants come flushing out. He said it's so wonderful.
Howard said he will take toilet paper and shove it in there after the wash and it's all clean. He said that he didn't understand it when he got it but now he has figured it out. He said when he makes a doody there's always doody stuck in his ass. He said now he gets it all out of there with the Toto. He said the water shoots in there and he can burp out the water. He said he checks the toilet and it all comes out.
Jim said it would be great if he did a commercial for them. Howard said he'd love to. He said he should make an instructional video for YouTube. He said that the burping thing is great. He said he really is Fartman. He said he's turned into him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wants to tell him why he's the best entertainer of all time. He asked a question that Howard didn't understand. He said he really doesn't care. The caller was talking about the separate bathrooms and it was annoying Howard. Howard said he's not even sure why he's annoying him. The caller said he's great. Howard said thanks and hung up.
Robin said she thinks that he's a guy who has only one toilet and it's more important to have a shower before sex than worry about smelling his partner's shit. Howard said he wasn't making sense. He said that of course you should shower before you bang your wife.
Howard said that guy ruined the show. He said maybe King of All Blacks can save it. Howard took a call from King who said that guy's head was empty. He said that the shitting in the bathroom is something he will do when his wife is getting ready for work. Howard said imagine that Robin. Robin said she has never had that happened. King said it doesn't mess up the sexual part. Howard said he must have her chained up to a wall. He hung up on King.
Howard said the art of conversation is dead. Robin said she had a boyfriend who made a whole ritual out of shitting. She said his apartment only had one bathroom. She said he would take the NY Times and go in there for a very long time. Howard said you should get in and out in a minute. He said you'll get hemorrhoids or a fissure. He said you have to get it together. Howard said he should take a break. Fred said he should. They went to break after Howard did a live read.
- Phony Phone Calls, Religious Nuts And More. 10/15/18. 9:40am
After the break Howard came right back and took a call from a guy who said he's going to get a Toto toilet. He asked what amenities he has on his. Howard said he's putting a new one in. He said that he's not a Toto toilet salesman. He said that he has to tell this guy that they have one that's like $9,000. He said he was comparing the $4,000 one to that one and they claim that the 9000 has a blue ultraviolet light that cleans the toilet. He said he looked at that and said he doesn't want that near his penis. Robin said she was looking at that one too. She said she wondered if it was made of something special. Howard said maybe they're full of it and it doesn't kill any germs. He said he has people to clean the apartment so he doesn't need that.
Howard said he has the Bluetooth ear buds and they're probably giving him cancer. Robin said she has a coffee maker that makes the individual pods and it said it was time to descale. She said she had no idea what that was. She said she found out you're supposed to put this stuff in and clean it. She said she did it you let it run and run until it's empty. She said then you rinse it out. She said then she made coffee and it still tasted like the chemical. Howard said that's why he wont get that one with the ultraviolet light. He said he doesn't trust any of that.
Howard said they have a new phony phone call to make. He said they used his voice and Gilbert Gottfried's voice to make a call to a religious radio show. Howard said this is one of those shows where the religious people speak in tongues.
Howard played the call and the hosts took a call from the guys who said they have some members who are stuck speaking in tongues. Then they put Pastor Howard on the air and he's doing his Jewish song. One of the hosts said that she heard that god is going to manifest himself and we're nearing the end times. Then the guys played Pastor Gilbert who was singing some songs. The host said she's not sure about that one. She had to hang up because they didn't stop the Gilbert clip.
Howard said Gilbert can shut anyone up. He said that's what some of that religious nonsense is about. Robin asked if these people know they're scamming people. Howard said of course they do.
Howard said his favorite guy is this Kenneth Copeland who asks for money for private jets and stuff and his parishioners will give it to him. He said he wants them to be happy and he won't try to hide his wealth. He said if he was a preacher he'd raise the money for it and kind of keep it quiet. He said this guy brags about it. He said the other day he gave them a story about he private plane. He said he claims he was talking to God and he was able to pray away the rust they fond inside his plane. Howard had a clip of the guy talking about that. He claims they found corrosion and God told him to lay hands on it and it will go away. He did that and it all went away.
Howard said if he can do that then why not just become a flying superman. He said this guy is laughing about it like it really happened. Howard said if he had a line of bullshit like that he'd be so embarrassed by it. He said this guy is claiming that Jesus told him he gave this plane to him and he can cure it of corrosion.
Howard said there's this guy who used to be a coach and now he preaches. He said this guy is pretty good too. He said this guy claims that he wants to use the N-word. Howard played a clip of the guy using the word and saying that he remembers one time being in high school and reading the school paper and they said something about him being diminutive. He asked his mom what that meant. He said that he'd rather be called the N-word. He said that he's not sure why he can't say the N-word if they can call him small.
Howard said he understands that he's Mel Gibson's spiritual advisor. Howard said that's a weird one. He said that guy is a preacher now. Robin said that he thinks he's making sense. She said he's actually small and they called him diminutive. Howard said he has to get into preaching. He did some of his own material talking about why he's talking to people on the radio show. He was doing it like the asshole coach guy.
Howard asked why this guy isn't preaching anymore. JD said he sued the ACLU for making him stop praying during class. Howard did more of this impression of that guy complaining about what they've done to him. He was making up more wacky stuff that the guy could complain about. Then he said that's why he needs a new plane. He said he's combining some of these guys together. Robin said why not. Howard kept going making up the same kind of nonsense these guys are making up. He said he was going to call his airline ''Nig-Air'' for that coach guy.
Howard said the whole world is nuts. He said these guys have no shame. He said this guy says if you want to get out of debt then send him money. He said he's tithing. In the clip the guy says that he's taking 10 percent and that's what god asks for. He said start giving God 10 percent of your income and that's how you get out of debt. Howard said this guy says if you want to do well then just send him money. Howard played more of the guy talking about how no one has ever come to him saying that this is a mistake. He said you can't lose in obeying god.
Robin said how about writing all of your checks to God. Howard said see who cashes them. He said Jim Bakker is still pretty good. He said he went to jail for selling time shares and he gets right out and sells food buckets. He said that's fucking awesome. He said he's making money hand over fist with that. Robin said he was selling furniture too. Howard said here he is talking about a new food bucket.
Howard played the clip and Jim Bakker said he has friends who say that there will be a crisis that will shock the world and change us for ever. He said that perilous times are here and they're not going away. Bakker was talking about a new bucket of food they're offering now.
Howard said he'd have a hard time selling that stuff. Robin asked how they sleep as you undermine the country and scam old people out of their fixed income. Howard said he'd like to know what kind of money the guy who grunts in the background is making. Robin said that woman knows and she's back there saying ''Mmm Hmm.'' Howard said he'd like to know what their split is on all of that money. Robin said she thinks he's taking the lion's share. Howard said he's probably sitting on it in a bucket. He said good for him. He said god bless, whatever. He said they have to take a break and get to news. He asked Fred how his break was. Fred said it was good. Howard asked if he rode his motorcycle. Fred said he did, its back. Howard said that's enough of you. He did a live commercial read and went to break.
- Pete Davidson And Ariana Grande's Breakup. 10/15/18. 10:10am
After the break Howard came right back and took a call from a guy who asked what he has to say about this Pete Davidson thing. The caller said that Pete has a movie coming out and he has this bomb dropped on him. Howard said he has to hang up on this guy. His phone was feeding back. Howard said he thought that they were going to last. Robin said she called him on the phone to talk about this. She said that someone had better get a hold of him if he wants it to last. Howard said he's not sure why they broke up but he's guessing that it's because he was so open about being in a relationship with her. Howard said he thought it was great when he'd say that it was so great that he got Ariana Grande. He said she's the hottest chick on the planet. He said he should have married her the first date. He said he waited too long. Robin said now they'd be getting a divorce.
Howard said he's sure he's kind of busted up about it. He said she was a great catch. Robin said he didn't play it right. Howard asked if he was too excited about it. Robin said it wasn't that. She said it was when she started to become a commodity. Howard said she's right. He said that she may have felt that she was being used. Howard said he probably said to her that he'd come out and talk to the audience about how excited he was to be with her. He said when he did it then her friends must have gotten a hold of her. Robin said he went on her tour but it was on talk shows to talk about her. Howard said he loved that. He said that he even said that Jimmy Fallon just wanted him on to talk about her.
Howard said Pete was great on the show. He said that he talked about how great she is and then he went to the green room and she sat on his lap and said he did really well. Robin said there was a line that he used to her face that Howard used and her face did not move. Howard asked if she's saying that he broke them up. Robin said she had to get out of there because things got very cold. Robin said Howard said to her that she's so hot that people were groping her at a funeral. Robin said she didn't make a move or a statement. Howard said who knows. He said he was going over everything that they talked about trying to figure it out. Howard said he doesn't think he broke them up. Robin said she's just saying that she wasn't for it all and he was engaging in it all.
Howard said he thought he got the go ahead from her. Howard said maybe she saw him and thought that's what Pete is going to look like when he gets older.
Howard said he has to get Pete back in there. He said that he has to ask what the fuck is happening. He said that's got to be rough on him. Robin wondered if that's going to end them using him on Saturday Night Live. Howard said not at all. He said they need an immediate post mortem. He said Colin Jost has Scarlet Johansson. He said that you never hear about that. He said Pete was so delighted that he shared it. He said he was thrilled to talk about it. He said that's what he loved about Pete. He said he likes that guy a lot. He said he was saying he hit the jackpot and hit the lottery.
Howard said he thinks Pete will date publicly before Ariana. Robin said she says Ariana. Howard said he thinks that he got the rub and it's going to be good for him. He dated Larry David's daughter before and she's really hot. Howard wondered if Ariana will ever sing her song about Pete again. Robin said no way. Howard played some of the song. Howard said that's what Pete should play when he's dating. He said he must be wondering what the fuck happened.
Howard wondered if Ariana will give back the badge he gave her. Gary said the ring was worth like $100,000. He asked if he thinks he'll get that back. Howard said maybe because she has her own money. He said that some women without money might keep it.
Howard asked if they have a list of hot guests or hosts that Saturday Night Live will have on. He said he has to pick out a new one for Pete. Robin said she hopes everyone sees how badly this worked out for Pete. She said they have the Jost example and the Davidson example now. Howard said he didn't even know who Awkwafina was when she was on. Howard said that she was hot. He said Pete could have dated her. He said that any girl he dates now will be a step down. Robin said that if you put him in that position then who is he going to date. Howard said that he could go the opposite way and date a waitress. Howard said that's almost better. He said he'd love it if he hooked up with a Sarah Huckabee Sanders type.
Howard said Ariana is on the phone with a new song. Howard took the call and had one of the guys singing a song about how Pete's dick was never that big.
Howard said he wishes he knew Pete a little better. He said he'd let him cry on his shoulder. He said that has to suck. He played more of the song Ariana wrote for him and it was only a minute and 5 seconds. Howard said that's kind of short. Robin said so was their relationship.
Howard said it's going to be tough for Pete. He said that in a way he knows guys who have pulled that off and they go out with a girl who is super grateful to go out with them. He said Pete might get that. He said that's a more powerful situation. Robin said they'll have to see how it goes.
Howard said Ariana may start dating ''good looking'' guys. He said that Pete was a regular looking guy. Robin said a lot of those guys were happy to see Pete with her. Howard said he'd like to be a regular looking guy. He said she should date Benjy. He said he admitted Pete talking about her the way he did on the show. He said even he couldn't believe he got her. Robin said that a woman hears that and thinks that's a loser. Howard said she'll date Michael Che next. He said that Pete will be pulling the hair out of his head. Howard made up a song that Ariana could sing about Michael Che.
Howard took a call from a guy who was talking to someone in his office when Howard picked up. Howard said he doesn't get sports at all. He said why pick a team, just wait for the game and see who wins. Howard thought he was listening to a sports talk show instead of his show so he hung up.
Howard said that they just got news that Ariana is dating Jon Lovitz. He said she turned down Joe Piscopo.
- Robin's News. 10/15/18. 10:30am
Howard said it's time for news. They played her into it with a song parody. Robin said she said before the vacation that Pete and Ariana would not last. She also said that Kavanaugh would be on the Supreme court. Howard said he didn't think that was going to happen. He said there was no way he thought that these women were going to let that happen.
Howard said Ralph is anxious to get on air to talk about Ariana. He picked up and Ralph said he feels really bad for Pete. He said he must be devastated. He said she was writing songs about him. Howard said he hopes the guy is okay. Ralph said just a regular relationship is something you get bummed about. He said she's like a 50. Howard said just imagine what she looks like naked. He said she's got that long hair and the super tight body. Ralph said she can probably get in a lot of positions. He said she dances so she must be flexible. Howard said Robin's gloating that she knew.
Ralph said that he was probably playing with the pig and then she breaks it to him to get the fuck out. Howard said he'd love to know how it went down. He said that's cold. He said maybe she ghosted him. He said she could have just exchanged the locks on the door.
Robin said you have to think about the proximity to him being on this show and then the break up. Howard said come on. He said she lives in a fancy building so the door men have to keep him out now. He said he hopes Pete will be okay. Robin said she tried to get him to call Pete to save him. Howard said he wanted him to rush her to the altar. Ralph said that he's going to sit around and get depressed for two weeks while they're off. He said that poor guy. Howard said they just started up and they're in hiatus already. He said he wishes they had hiatus right now. Howard let Ralph go and did a live commercial read.
Robin said she thought we were moving in the right direction in this world when it comes to people seeing people of color in the right way. Robin said this woman in Brooklyn was leaning over the counter of a diner and this kid walks in with a back pack on and he walks past her and she goes crazy accusing him of trying to grope her. Robin said this woman got touched and thought this kid groped her. She had some audio of the woman talking about how she felt like she was groped. Later she had to apologize because it was the kid's book bag that touched her. Robin had the audio of her apologizing too.
Robin asked how many people indulge in fast food daily in America. Howard said that he'll say 1 billion or maybe 50 million. Robin said that it's actually 85 million. They eat fast food daily. Howard said that's JD. JD said he doesn't eat it as much anymore. Robin read more about the study that was done about that. Howard said he sees the fast food white bags out there in the office every day.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has to keep Ralph off the fucking air. Howard said he thought he was good on the show today. He asked if the show is good other than Ralph. The caller said nothing is perfect. He said he has to stop fucking with Ronnie too. He said he busts his balls for no reason. He said let the guy party and enjoy himself. Robin asked if he wants to hear about Ronnie. The caller said he knows it's good for the show. Howard said the reason he likes Ronnie is the same reason he's complaining. He hung up on the guy. He said tomorrow they'll get to the Exotic Dancer Awards that Ronnie went to in Vegas. He said he had a reduced role out there this year and he wasn't happy about that.
Robin read a story about the Foo Fighters giving a fan a treat. Robin said a 10 year old boy was pulled out of the audience and he did a Metallica song with the band. Howard said the kid was pretty good. Howard said this seems to be the thing to do at concerts now. He said there's a lot of this going on now. He said someone did that at the Billy Joel concert. Robin said this kid didn't even play a Foo Fighters song. Howard said this kid is good for a 10 year old but he doesn't want to go to a concert and see someone other than the band play. He said it's great that this kid has been taking guitar lessons. He said if he goes to see Bruce Springsteen he wants to see Bruce play, not some 10 year old kid. He said this isn't a recital. Howard played more of the clip of this kid playing. Howard said he saw a lot of this shit at America's Got Talent. He said it's fine but get on with the real show. Robin asked if he really knows the words to the song. Howard said no, it's all set up. He said they don't just take some 10 year old up on stage. He said he got sucked into that clip and watched it. He said he's into the Foo Fighters and Metallica. He said the kid was good for a 10 year old. Robin said maybe some day they'll hear more about this kid. Howard said he really doesn't care about that kid. He was wondering where his America's Got Talent buzzer was.
Howard said he has to be honest. He doesn't give a fuck about these kids. He said that this is like Hollywood. He said any good looking girl goes out there thinking they can be an actor. He said they end up a bartender. He said he loves Dave Grohl but knock it off with this. He said he thinks he's starting his own America's Got Talent thing. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about this weekend's Saturday Night Live. Robin said that they had Seth Meyers hosting. She said he sat in on the news too. Howard said he DVRs it so he'll watch it. Robin said that Paul Simon was the musical guest. She said she thought he had retired. She said he has a new album coming out. Robin said he did a classic song but he did it with different instrumentation and an arrangement. Robin had some clips for Howard to play. Howard said he doesn't like orchestras. He said this reminds him of Peter and the Wolf. Howard said people don't want to hear that. He said that you should be trying to pleasing the people. He said Pete Davidson must be saying that he can't date that guy. He said Paul Simon has so many great songs. He said he loves the guy but people want to see the hits. He said he loved when he did ''Here Comes the Sun'' with George Harrison. Howard said this is his 9th time appearing on Saturday Night Live as the musical guest. He said he also grew his nails really long so he doesn't need a pick to play. He said it's odd to see that. He said they're curling around like that lady with really long nails. He said he hates long nails on a guy. Robin asked why guys can't have that. Howard said it's very strange. He said he must have to put nail polish on them to make them strong. He said no thanks. He said Fred plays guitar and doesn't have long nails. Fred said James Taylor does. He said he glues nails on to make them stronger. Howard said Paul did Bridge Over Troubled Waters too. Robin said he did but she wanted him to hear that other song.
Robin read a story about people dying all over the globe from flu. Robin said that it's over 600,000 people. Robin said that she read that the protection you have with flu shots doesn't last that long. She said she'll get her shot in a week or two. Howard said Brent refuses to get one. He said he's been getting them for years. He said that he's like a sponge and he'll take in whatever people tell him. Robin said Minka Kelly is saying you should stay home if you feel sick instead of infecting the office with flu. That led to Howard talking about how Derek Jeter dated her. Robin had some audio of Minka talking about staying home if you're feeling sick. Howard said he'd like to give medical advice like that. He said no one comes to him for this.
Howard asked Brent why he refuses to get a flu shot. Gary said he's down at the Wrap Up Show. Howard said he didn't really need to hear it that badly. Robin said Minka is playing a character named Dove in the Marvel universe. Howard asked if she's sure it wasn't ''Duh.'' He did his impression of his father talking about going to work even when he was sick. He didn't care how many other people got sick. He spent a minute doing both of his parent's voices for Robin. He had his mother telling a story about how Howard wanted a toy gun as a 5 year old and he knew the difference between a real gun and a toy so she got him one. She also told a story about Howard taking piano lessons.
Robin read a story about a 60 Minutes interview with Donald Trump. Robin said it was a terrible interview. Howard said he didn't even see a promo for the interview. Robin said she saw that it was coming up so she tuned in. Robin said people are so eagle eyed that you don't even notice. Robin said people saw this painting in the office and it was sent by a fan. It was Trump and a bunch of other republican presidents in a poker game or something and it reminded people of the dogs playing poker painting. Robin said people were joking about that. Robin said this was something that was sent to Trump and he liked it. Robin said in the interview not a lot was learned. Robin said they confront him with stuff that he doesn't care about. Robin said that they had some stuff about current events that they asked about. Robin had some clips of Trump from that interview. In one clip Trump said that he didn't know how dishonest the media is. He said that Leslie Stahl didn't treat him fairly. He said meanwhile he's president and she's not. Robin had clips of Trump claiming that he didn't make fun of Dr. Blasey Ford. He said that she was destroying a man's life with her claims. Trump said that they won so he's not even going to discuss it. Robin said there was a great chance to get into it with him and ask if the ends justify the means. Howard said maybe Robin should be doing the interview. Leslie asked Trump if he's said anything that he regrets. Trump said he regrets that the press treats him so poorly. Robin had a clip of Trump answering about what he has learned in the past 2 years. Trump said that this world of politics is full of lies, deceit and deception. Robin said that those are all versions of lies. Howard said you say that for effect.
Howard said he has Justice Ginsberg on the phone to talk about what's going on behind the scenes at the Supreme Court. Howard took the call and bailed on the call pretty quickly. It wasn't working.
Robin read about how the President will be traveling to the south to visit the area hit by the hurricane. Howard said he didn't know they had prepared so much for he Judge Ginsberg call. He picked up again and said they'll pretend that didn't happen. He had the guys get to their sound effects immediately. They had some porn clips to go along with the lame bit. Howard stuck with it a little longer this time. He said he should have bailed. He did a live commercial read after that.
The commercial read was for a new show with Mary McCormack. Howard spent a little time talking about how he saw Mary over the summer. She played his wife in his movie Private Parts. Howard said they had a good time. He said he did anyway. He said she claims it was one of her best acting jobs. He said that they didn't really do any rehearsing of their love scenes. He said it would have been odd to rehearse their love scenes. He said he may have suggested that but it got shot down. He said he loved working with sexy Mary. He said that he may have popped a boner on set. He said he thought he was married to her.
Robin read a story about a new poll about Trump and if he'll win a second term. Howard said he thinks he will. Robin said that he should watch the 60 Minutes piece. She said he's confident and has adjusted to the role. Robin said that Howard thought he didn't like the job but he apparently does. Howard said if they find some bombshell with the Mueller investigation he could end up in jail. Robin said it seems to her that the more people fight him the bigger he becomes. Robin said even the Kavanaugh situation came down to people attacking the president and his fan base made themselves known.
Robin read about how the movie ''Venom'' is number one at the box office again this weekend. Robin said ''A Star is Born'' has been number 2 two weeks in a row. Robin said it's made $94 million. Robin said that's great for a fine movie that doesn't have super heroes in it. Robin said she loved that movie. Howard said so did he. He said it was very good. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:20am.