- Friday Replay Show. 05/24/19. 7:00am
Here's what they played on today's show:
- Party Bros At City Council. 05/24/19. 7:00am
First on today's replay show they played a segment where Howard played some audio of the Party Brothers at a city council meeting. Here's my rundown:
The Party Brothers Clips. 05/21/19. 9:10am
Howard said there are some guys who call themselves the Party Brothers and they go to city council meetings and call themselves by the names Chad Kroeger and JT Parr. Howard played a clip of the guys at a city council meeting where they were goofing around making stupid comments.
Howard said he loves this stuff. He said they tried to get them on the show but they didn't seem that interested in doing it. He said he loves that they fuck with the city council meetings. Howard played another clip of the Party Brothers at a meeting where they were having a meeting about the Bird Scooter problem they had in West Hollywood. In that one the guys were asking that they not get rid of the scooters because that's all they've got. One of the guys said that it feels like it's mending the strips in his heart.
Howard said they did one in April where they went to a city council meeting and they pitched the idea of dedicating the water treatment center to Britney Spears.
Howard said that's great. He said those guys are geniuses. He said the council members have regular jobs and they have to sit through this. He said they just want to go home and eat dinner.
Howard had another clip of JT going up and singing a Britney Spears song to the council members. He got through the song and thanked the members of the council.
Howard said that guy wanted to kill those two. He said the mayor later said that they don't even have a water treatment center. He played the clip of him talking about that.
Howard said he likes those guys. He said he thinks they just want to put it out on the internet. He said they post them on YouTube or something. Howard asked how many views they get. Gary said they have a big following according to Steve Brandano. He said they may even have an offer to do a movie. Howard said it is very Sacha Baron Cohen-ish. Howard asked if they know how many views they get. Gary said no one seems to know. Howard said that's except for Steve who he can't seem to get in touch with. Gary said he doesn't think he has the exact number.
Howard said he has to talk about DJ Khaled. He said he thinks he could do what he does. Robin said he definitely could. Robins said she thought they were joking about him when they asked what exactly he does. Howard said he'll get to that after a break. He did a live commercial read and went to break.
- Dana Carvey. 05/24/19. 7:15am
Next on today's replay show they played the Dana Carvey interview from this week. Here's my rundown:
Dana Carvey Visits. 05/22/19. 8:55am
After the break they played Radiohead's ''Karma Police'' and a ''Citizen Hatley'' bit where Brent was threatening to make citizen's arrests. They also played a Baba Booey song parody and Lady Gaga's ''Born this Way'' with some Gary trumpet playing and Robin singing drops played over it. They played a Bobo song parody as they were coming back.
Howard came back and said he has Dana Carvey there. He said he loves when Dana comes in. He said he's a master impressionist. Dana said they're almost the same age. Howard said that's hard to believe. He asked if he has aches and pains. Dana said he could use a new hip. He said he needs that graft from a tall person. Howard said don't look at him. Dana said they say that's the easy one. He said he had open heart surgery and they asked if he wanted to see a video of it. He said no way. Howard asked how old he was when he had that. Dana said he was 42. Howard said that has to be hard to believe.
Dana said he had a blocked artery. He said he went into a Woody Allen impression when he heard that. He said they had a saw in the room when they were preparing him for that. Howard asked what the worst part of that was. Dana said that he was on a lot of morphine. He said the pain came when he ran out of that. He said he took a lot of Advil. Howard asked if he worries about having heart problems. Dana said his heart is perfect now. He said his resting rate is 39. He said no one could hike along with him because he can go. He said he tries to redline when he's up there. He said he gets up to 180 or 190. He said he's hiking really fast up a steep hill. He said when he comes down he feels normal. Howard said he's really committed.
Dana said no one has to have a heart attack. He said if people eat correctly then they won't. He said he had a 400 cholesterol level and now it's down to 100. Howard asked if he's on medication. Dana said he is. He said he's doing just fine. He said nothing is advancing. He said some people can't take the medication. He said he's on blood thinners and stuff so he bruises easily. He said that it takes like 5 minutes for a cut to coagulate.
Howard said that has to be tough. He said he thought he was goofing on him. He said he was on Colbert talking about the interview he did with him. He said he did impressions for his therapist and the therapist thought it was sad. He said that Dana talked about that with him.
Dana said he went into therapy about 3 years ago. He said he bought his nephew one and he wanted to buy one for himself but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He said he knew something was wrong.
Howard said he thinks of Dana as a great comedian. He said he has questions about his impressions but he ash to talk to him about therapy. Dana said he just started 3 years ago. Howard asked if his mom was a depressed woman. Dana said he thinks she was. He said she admitted later in life that he was her surrogate husband. Howard said he got that from his mother too. He said she was in severe depression and he had to keep her laughing. He said he did impressions of the neighborhood kids for her to make her laugh.
Howard said Dana's father didn't make a lot of money. Dana said his mother grew up wealthy and she got depressed. He said his mother's nickname for him was ''Precious'' and that didn't go over well with his dad. He said he talks to his siblings about it and his dad did have it in for him. Dana said his dad didn't like him. He said they were like oil and vinegar. Howard said his nickname was ''Money'' and why was that. Dana said that's because he was making money. He said his parents became a dog and pony show. He said his mother would say things about needing money and he'd give the money to his dad and he'd give it to her to make him look good.
Howard asked if he ever wanted to be in the room with his dad. Dana said if he was n the room with him he was doing whatever he could to get out of there. He said his dad would go into a rage and he'd say things to him in front of his friends that were embarrassing.
Howard said he'd tell his therapist about what his dad would say to him. He said the therapist would say that it was just sad. Howard said Dana is seeing Conan's therapist and he thinks that's a big no-no. He said he tried to win over his therapist to be his favorite patient. He said he walked into the office and said he has a great patient for him. He said he told him who he was and he wondered why he wanted to share him with that person. Howard said that was a huge thing to him. He said this was a man saying he was important enough to him that he couldn't bribe him. Dana said he had the same thins. He said he still says to the therapist that he can't break down. He said that he'd be in the car for 30 seconds and he'd break down. He said he'll do it there but not in front of her. He said you want to entertain and be popular with the therapist. Dana said that he never really let go
Dana said his father would wait for an opening to really hurt him. He said he'd get up early on a Saturday to reduce the tension in the house. Howard said it's amazing he was able to get on stage and perform. He said his father hated him and he didn't have that love. Dana said he has two sides. He said he's hyper driven and also emotionally wounded. He said he wanted to do better than his dad. He said he was 5'2'' tall in high school so he looked like a fetus with shoes.
Howard asked why he goes to a female therapist if he has dad issues. He said why not go to a man. Dana said it's hard to find a match. He said this woman is a little older than him. He said he and Conan both come from big families. He said Conan was a wonder kid and he's half shy. He said he thinks he had some shortcuts with this therapist.
Howard said Dana brought in Kevin Nealon with that therapist too. Dana said he went to some therapy with her too. Dana said that his stage fright was horrible for years. Howard said he seems so relaxed on Saturday Night Live. He said he'd go into one impression to another. Dana said he faked it. He said he could show him an early Church Chat and his hand was wet with sweat. He said he was trained to hide all of that. He said he was just acting confident.
Howard said he does impressions and comes up with material that's brilliant. He asked where that came from. Dana said he doesn't really know. He said he noticed that he could change his voice. He said he was like 9 and he heard a Beatles thing and he was able to talk with the accent. He said he went to his mom asking for pancakes in an English accent the next day. Howard said he was built for Saturday Night Live. He said that format was perfect for him. Dana said no one knew until he did it. He said he auditioned 3 times before he got it.
Dana said he bombed after following Kinison at the Comedy Store. He said it took 2 months of depression to get over. He said in 1986 Rosie O'Donnell was playing this small club and they came to see him there. He said that he was about to go on and Lorne Michaels walks in. He said then Cher and Brandon Tartikoff came in. He said he got the show but they never did get his name right.
Howard said Dana would do a routine for the staff of Saturday Night Live and he was playing Burt Lancaster and Kirk Douglas and they were fucking on the beach. Dana said he's not sure if they were on the beach. He said he met Kirk Douglas and Burt Lancaster on their last movie. He said he met them and they talked the way they did and it was just like they were in the movies. He said he got to know them for weeks working with them. He said he had this flight of fancy and the voices had stuck in his head. He said he did this bit where he had them having sex. Dana said he doesn't like crude stuff but he likes to dance around that stuff. He did the impression for Howard and did that and had them talking about how the guy wanted him inside him. He said that made his brain happy doing that rhythmic thing.
Howard asked if it's his dream to hear that music in his bit. Dana said yes. Howard asked if you have to hang around a guy for long to pick it up naturally. Dana said that's the easiest way to do it. He said it's 2019 now and he just has them wrestling. He said Bill Hader loves it so much he recorded it and sent it to him in email. Dana did the impression again of Kirk and Burt wrestling.
Howard said Lorne told Bill Hader that he heard him doing that one time and it was the funniest thing he had ever heard. Dana said that made him happy. He said they were in Aspen once and he did that bit. He said he did it on HBO and that was a different time.
Howard said he watched a bit that he did as the pepper mill guy and he's training Adam Sandler how to do the job. Dana said you need to be at home base to time the laughs. He said in bits like that they don't kill. He said what happened was that they were so into giving the pepper that it became sexual. He said he was behind Tim Meadows asking if he wanted pepper and the audience was going shit house. He said Chris Farley had one line of ''Why thank you Pepper Boy.'' He said on the air show Sandler is doing the little voice and Farley becomes gigantic and goes ''Why thank you Pepper Boy'' in that big voice. Howard said if Sandler had started laughing he could have ruined the bit. Dana said Sandler turned to him all purple and he turned to him and told him ''Don't break.'' He said he knew this was too good to break. He said it's like when he had Massive Head Wound Harry. He said they had this dog eating his head. He said the dog for the air show was going shit house pulling on the prosthesis. He said he was trying to hold it on at the temple. He said that was one of the hardest laughs he's ever been involved in.
Howard said he could have turned it into a different sketch if he had let the dog run off with the head. Dana said it became okay to break eventually. Howard said they didn't want to break and that was the rule. Dana said Lorne said it was like Carol Burnett when they did break. He said that one time Phil Hartman broke doing Frankenstein. He said it was great to see him break. He said Phil was amazing. He said he could do anything. Howard said there are guys who can do that and Dana is one of them.
Dana said he was doing this Johnny Carson thing with Phil and that became his favorite thing. He said he didn't care if the audience didn't laugh. Dana did his Johnny Carson impression and did his bit and said Phil would be brilliant as Ed. He said that Phil was just so great.
Howard said it was great when he was at the Academy Awards recently. Dana said he was there 27 years ago for Wayne's World. He said they were Wayne and Garth. He said Stallone was there and he was in ''Stop or My Mom Will Shoot.'' He said that wasn't doing very well. Howard said Dana and Mike went out and introduced Bohemian Rhapsody.
Howard asked if he and Mike Meyers are close. Dana said when they see each other they talk all over each other. He said Mike has two older brothers. He said both of them have brothers who are obsessed by Todd Rundgren. He said that they both love things British too.
Howard asked Dana about doing Austin Powers and how that was an impression of Lorne Michaels. Howard said he heard that the impression Mike does was based on Dana's impression. Dana said when he started there no one did Lorne. He said he told Lorne this recently. He said Lorne broke one night when he was trying to figure out what the show was going to be. He said he has them on cards and breaks them down into acts. He said he did an impression of him saying ''I still have no fucking first act.'' He said then he'd do this impression of him saying ''Never underestimate the value of water.''
Dana said he spent the whole night with Lorne at Saturday Night Live when he did a guest spot there. He said Lorne never gets tired. He said that they talked about their kids and Lorne said they raise kids and they want them to go out into the wilderness. Howard said that's kind of nice. Dana said for him he has a lot of affection for Mike. He said he never really talked about it with Mike but he did with his therapist about the character in Austin Powers. He said part of Mike's talent is seeing things like that. He said the pinkie thing isn't a real thing but he was the one who did it first. He said that wasn't something that Lorne did.
Howard said Church Lady put him on the map. He said then he did every impression. He said he's rooting for Mike and then he sees Dr. Evil and that was like him taking the song he wrote. He said that pinkie thing was something that he uniquely did. Dana said he did it back stage though. He said he didn't want to bite the hand that feeds him. Howard asked if Lorne would have liked that in a sketch. Dana said he's not sure.
Dana said everyone started doing Lorne after Mike did Dr. Evil. He said Mike did great with the Austin Powers movie.
Howard asked if he saw Mike other than at the Academy Awards. Dana said they don't see each other much. He said Mike is an eccentric. He said he was lucky to have intercepted with Mike Meyers. Howard asked if he picked up the phone and let him know he has let this go. Dana said he hasn't yet. He said he'd like to do it on national radio. Howard said how about doing it now.
Howard asked Dana about doing Church Lady and if he would be upset if he saw someone else doing it. Dana said that he had a very infection rhythm. He said that Robin Williams apparently picked up Church Lady a bit. He said he got it on TV right after that. He said he probably sped it up and made it more Robin-esque. Howard said what a horrible thing for a comic to create something like that and have someone take that character. Howard asked if he ever saw him slipping into Church Lady. Dana said he was told about him doing it. He said Billy Crystal told him about that. He said that he was such a sweet man and he couldn't help himself. He said at the end of the day he made amends with him about a year before he died. He said Robin came to him and said he may have taken a few things from him over the years. He said he thought he stole calling his penis ''Mr. Happy'' from him and he never did that. He said that was so crazy.
Howard asked if that's a mad dash to get that character on the air when he hear's it's been used. Dana said that he would have done it faster than he did it.
Howard said there are so many characters he could ask about. He said he did Hanz and Franz. He said he did that Steven Seagal thing. Howard said he loves his movies. Dana said he does too. He said he thinks he's amazing. Dana asked if he has ever had him on the show. Howard said he hasn't. Dana said that his father would make them bend over to get spanked so they all love revenge movies.
Howard asked Dana why the clip of Steven Seagal hosting Saturday Night Live isn't out there. Dana said he has no idea. Dana said that the Hanz and Franz bit was something they did with Seagal. He said when he came in they did it at read through. He said it was all about making fun of Steven in the sketch. He said they were just talking about everything making fun of him. He said it gets on the show and on Thursday they're rehearsing it and Steven reads his lines and walks off. He said he's about 50 feet away. He said he went up to Steven and asked if he's okay. He said Steven says ''I just wish Arnold was here so I could kick his fucking ass.'' Howard asked if he didn't understand his sketch. Dana said they had to rewrite it. He said they did it different so he was the stronger one than Arnold. He said six months later he ran into Arnold in Santa Monica and he told him that he wanted to kick his ass. He said Arnold just leaned back and said ''Is that a fact?'' Howard said Arnold liked that sketch. Dana said he loved it. He said when he was governor he was calling the democrats ''Girly men'' for not passing bills.
Howard asked if it's true he was called into the White House to cheer people up when George Bush wasn't elected a second time. Dana said yes. He said that he did the impression of Bush and he joked about not making him a Jimmy Carter with just one term. Dana said he got a call from Bush one time right from the White House. He said that Bush asked him to come and cheer up the troops when he lost. He said he was so young and naive at the time and asked where he would stay. Dana said Bush said that he could stay in the White House. He said he was there a couple of weeks later. Dana said his wife met him there and he was at the party with Neil Young. Howard said he heard he does a great Neil Young. Dana said there's a bootleg of him doing it. He said that Fallon is so good at it that he tabled his impression. Howard said Fallon is a good impressionist. He said he does a great Sandler. Dana said he's ridiculous. He said Jimmy will do a dance step with Justin Timberlake and he's just freaky being able to pick it up after one take.
Howard said they had just seen David Spade doing a comedy bit and he remembered the entire act. He said it's crazy. Dana said it's the energy with him too. Howard asked if he stopped doing his Neil Young. Dana said he'll do it. Howard asked where the guitar is. They got him a guitar and Howard asked him to do the impression. Dana picked up the guitar and did his David Bowie. Howard asked if he's a good singer. Dana said he's really not. He said he realized that Church Lady kind of sings like Neil Young. He did that impression and then went into ''Needle and the Damage Done.'' Howard asked when he learned to play guitar. Dana said he mostly makes up his own songs. He said he was a drummer. He said he and his brother Scott started their own band. He said he had drum sticks that he shoplifted. He said he ran into the drummer from the Grateful Dead, Mickey Hart. He said he had shoplifted those sticks and Mickey said he owned a store down there so he handed him a 20.
Howard said Dana had bronchitis and he changed his whole impression of Paul McCartney after that. Dana said he had a raspy bassiness and it became more accurate after that. Dana went into that impression of Paul and did that for Howard. He had Howard and Robin laughing. He talked about how he speaks in that rhythmic way. He did his impressions of the other guys in the Beatles too.
Howard asked if he was annoying with the impressions as a kid. He said you have to constantly do them. He said you don't lock yourself fin a basement to do them. Dana said he'll do them while he's hiking and people will be looking at him. He said he'll be trying to learn Liam Neeson and he'll run into people on the trail. He said there are certain ones that just fall like pennies from heaven. He said Ross Perot was one of them. He said that one was fully born. He said George Bush took a year. He said he will listen and pray that he can do it. He said he doesn't know when it will happen.
Dana said he wanted to do Jimmy Stewart back in the 70s and he just prayed that he'd be able to do it. He said he wanted to learn how to do Michael Caine. He said he wasn't able to get it. He said he just figured out it was all in the nose. He did some of that impression for Howard. He did Michael Caine in preschool talking about eating paste. He said that makes him happy just doing that. Howard said he does tend to explain things like that. Howard did an impression too.
Howard asked if Paul McCartney explained collusion to John Lennon. Dana said that he wants John and Paul to talk to each other and he doesn't care how. He said it's become a time machine now. He said that he's been doing Paul explaining things to John. He went into that impression where he had Paul explaining Donald Trump and the Mueller investigation to John Lennon.
Howard asked if that's what's going on in his head. Dana said it is and he'll do that in the car and on his hikes. He said he'll even record them and listen back. He said he just likes to hear the two of them talking. Dana said he was doing that during the Kavanaugh hearings. He said he had John and Paul talking about the hearings and how that was going. He did some of that impression for Howard and had him cracking up. Howard said that is fantastic. Dana said he can filter any news story like that. Howard wondered what story he had to comment on today. Robin said there's a story about the new abortion protests and all of that. Dana said he laughs when he comes on to it. He said John is in heaven asking what's going on. Dana had Paul telling John about Alabama and the abortion laws. Howard asked Paul to explain the college cheating scandal to John. He did that for a short time and had Howard and Robin laughing.
Howard asked if he explained Game of Thrones to John. Dana said he didn't. He went right into that bit for a few seconds.
Howard said when he did Garth that was an impression. Dana said that was his brother Brad. He said his brother was a master of understatement. He said that was the core voice for Garth. He said there's something very intoxicating about that. Howard asked if he was in on the writing for that Wayne's World bit. Dana said he was told by Mike that he was playing the part. He said he had a baby face so they put him in it. He said during the movie Mike was writing it and he was putting stuff in. He said he would see the stuff wasn't in anymore and he actually quit the movie. He said he didn't want all of his stuff taken out. He said they didn't believe him at first. He said he's a romantic and he grew up with Peter Sellers and the Beatles and he didn't think of the money and fame. He said he thought he didn't have anything to do in the movie.
Howard asked if that was part of the rift between him and Mike. Dana said not really. He said he just wove a part in the movie. He said they got along great in the first one. He said it turned out great.
Howard asked if he's happy with his career now. He said that the network TV show didn't work out. Dana said he went from the cover of Rolling Stone to being out of show business in about 38 months. He said he did some stupid stuff. Howard asked what that was. Dana said he was developing movies. He said he had a Hanz and Franz movie and some other things he was working on. He said he could have done another movie called Tucson. He said he was going to play an Irish guy in the West with Bob Odenkirk. He said he did a movie called Trapped in Paradise and that was not good. He said the movie made no sense. He said they were wandering around at night in the snow. He said that Nic Cage was in that one. He said he did Clean Slate and that was another disaster. Dana said then he was offered more and he just stopped doing it.
Howard said you have to be in something to have a career. Dana said it was like going to war. He said that they had to shoot on film and digital wasn't out there yet. Howard asked if he regrets turning down doing late night. Dana said he didn't think he could do 4 hours of TV a week. He said he would have been possessed by it. He said he's not sure. He said he's happy now but it was upsetting for a while.
Howard asked why he was assigned the job of getting Ed McMahon in Wayne's World 2. Dana said he was and he turned it down. He said what he heard was that he was having too much fun on his boat. He said he thought that was cool.
Dana said he likes to do a Johnny Carson bit. He said he's getting pulled over on the PCH and he's describing what he drank and where he had them. He did that bit and had Howard laughing again. Dana said he does them all day long.
Howard said he does Casey Kasem as a rooster. Dana did that for Howard and said he met him once on an airplane. Howard said he heard he does a bit where Arnold Schwarzenegger hosts a show called Predator Island. Dana laid out the premise for the bit and then did all of these impressions of people who have been accused of various sexual crimes and things like that. He was doing Arnold, Woody Allen, Bill Cosby and many more.
Howard asked if he would go back and do a season of Saturday Night Live. Dana said he would probably do it. He said he's doing some podcasting now. He said Howard is sort of the original podcaster. He said he's the one who did the honesty. Howard said Conan was great with his podcast. Howard said he must be a friend with Conan. Dana said he will do his show and they go out to dinner and have some drinks. Howard said Conan said it's hard to have friends but he's chosen Dana. He said the conversation must be very funny. Dana said at one point Conan did his John Lennon impression. Dana said he and Conan did some short format podcasts that will be out in August. He said Conan will set him up to do characters. He said this is Conan Needs a Friend Special Edition.
Howard said he met Conan on Saturday Night Live and he saw him in the hall and thought he was a little boy visiting. Dana said he and Greg Daniels were just out of Harvard and they were very lean and young looking. He said he asked him what he could do for him and asked him to get him a cup of coffee. He said that Conan was just very shy when he started out there. He said he heard that he was great in the writer's room though. Howard said there was some sketch that he did that Conan loved. Dana said they did this bit that kind of failed. He said he would be doing this dance and Jon Lovitz would be telling him to dance as Phil Hartman was trying to draw him.
Dana said he wrote that sketch while he was on mushrooms. He said that they went to see the Spruce Goose and they were showing how big the Queen Mary was. He said they came around and looked at the plane there and laughed. He said they went to an art museum and it felt like Rembrandt had painted this one thing like the guy was a dick. He said that's where he came up with that sketch.
Howard asked if he watches Scarface a lot. Dana said he loves Robert Shaw in Jaws. He said he also loves Scarface. He did the Robert Shaw voice talking about the Robert Mueller report. He said he loves Al Pacino doing the accent in Scarface. Howard asked to hear that bit. Dana did him coming over for Thanksgiving dinner. He said he can do that for 20 minutes.
Howard said he heard he did a pilot with Desi Arnez Jr. He said they were shooting the pilot and there was one woman laughing in the audience. Dana said he heard the woman asking what was wrong with them. It turned out to be Lucille Ball yelling at them. She ended up signing autographs for everyone while they held up the taping.
Howard said Dana does a Bill Clinton impression too. Dana said it's not a great one. He did the impression and talked about Hillary's fainting. Howard said he could listen to this all day. He asked him to do his John Travolta. Dana did that.
Howard said he thinks that he's had a great life even though it wasn't easy as a kid. Dana said there are two lanes. He said it's about how you process the hard parts. He said Howard wants to be the best guest on shows he's doing. He said he saw him on Fallon. He said he was up there singing and dancing. Howard said he was going to sing Baby Shark.
Howard asked if he's ever tempted to just become a hiker and hike away. Dana said show business is emotionally violent. He said that it's also glamorous. He said he thinks about stepping off at some point. Howard said he is all for him going back on Saturday Night Live just for a year. He said he would elevate that show so much. He said Alec Baldwin comes in and does a character. He said the show has changed. Dana said they didn't have that back then. He said they just did the characters themselves back then. He said now they have to deal with other people coming in to do bits.
Howard asked if Dana does a Trump impression. Dana said that he can do a little bit. He did a bit where he was talking about the fires in California and how he told them they had to rake the leaves. Howard said he gets happy when Dana comes in. He said he has to promote a little. He said he's in ''Secret Life of Pets 2'' and that has to be fun for him. Dana said it is fun. Howard said he heard they don't put them all in the same room anymore. He asked if that would be fun. Dana said that would have been a blast with Kevin Hart. He said they're very precise about what they say
Howard said Louis C.K. was in the first movie. Dana said he was but Patton Oswalt took over that role. Howard said see Dana in that.
Dana told Howard he did Church Lady back on Saturday Night Live and he was told not to use the word penis so much. He said he changed it to get more graphic without using the word penis. He said he was talking about the throbbing organ and all of that. He said he heard Steve Martin ask Lorne ''What kind of mind thinks of this?'' Howard said Harrison Ford is in that movie with Dana. Dana said he has a cool voice. He said Howard's voice is tough because it's so deep. Dana said it was hard doing Obama. He did some of that for Howard. He said that Elon Gold is able to do Howard's voice. Howard said he had to get relaxed on air to get that voice. Howard did an impression of what he used to sound like. Dana said that's hilarious. Howard said his voice would be deep for a few seconds and he'd send that in for commercial auditions. He said they hired him to do a commercial for Voyage. He said they hired him and he went in and he had that high voice. He said they accused him of lying about his voice.
Howard gave Dana more plugs and said that he and Conan are talking about going out to dinner. Dana said he thinks that Conan and Howard are kindred spirits. He said he can see why he got the podcast of the year. Howard thanked him for coming in and wrapped up. They went to break a short time later.
- Brent's Orgy Story. 05/24/19. 8:55am
Next on today's replay show they played a segment where Brent talked about going to an orgy. Here's my rundown:
Jon's Unbelievable BJ Story And Shuli Creepin' Around. 05/21/19. 7:00am
Howard started the show doing his Goldust impression with clips that Fred was playing. Howard asked if he could do that for a full hour and get no complaints. Howard said he'd tune in for that. He said it's enough with all of this talk.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has to stop playing Gary clear his throat. He said it's making him clear his throat every time. Howard did his Gary impression clearing this throat while Fred played clips of Gary doing that.
Howard said Gary claims that he's got allergies but he has them year round. He said they've never gotten to the bottom of that phlegm problem. The caller said maybe he has a Jon Hein pube stuck in his throat. Howard said maybe that's it. He said Jon Hein claims that he used to be a projectionist in college and he got blown while he was doing that job. Howard said he worked in a movie theater at the time. Howard said Jon claims that he was delayed getting to the next reel when he was getting the blob job.
Howard said this is Jon making that claim. He had a clip from the Wrap Up Show where Jon talked about it. Michael Rapaport was on with them and they were talking about what they've done in movie theaters. Gary asked Jon if he has ever gotten anything like that. Jon told the guys the story about getting the blow job while he was the projectionist.
Howard said Jon Hit 'em with the Hein. He said you can make fun of him all you want but that happened. Robin said she doesn't believe him. She said she needs proof.
Howard said he heard a funny story about Shuli. He said Conan came there and did an interview for his podcast on Friday. He said it was a lot of fun. He said the podcast is up there if you want to hear that. He said Shuli was there working and his office is upstairs but he came down to Richard's office and he was trying to time it so he could hang out with Conan.
Howard had Richard come in to talk about that. Richard and Shuli came in. Shuli said this story is not accurate. Richard said that Shuli hardly comes down there but he thinks that he came in there to see Howard walk by. Howard asked why they would want that. Richard said when he was going to walk back to his office their office filled up with people. He said he thought it was funny but he thinks they just wanted Howard to see them there working.
Howard asked Shuli to come clean. Shuli said he was down there for like 2 minutes on Friday. He said he has to come down there for tons of stuff. He said he has to talk to Will and he will go in and talk to the guys in Richard's office. Richard was smiling and laughing. Howard asked why he's laughing. Richard said it was just so funny. He said 10 seconds after Shuli walked in Howard walked by in the hall. Shuli said he sees Howard every day. Howard said maybe he just wanted to be seen. Shuli said he's been working Fridays for the past 13 years.
Howard said he wishes he could give Shuli some truth serum right now. Robin asked what he was doing down there. Shuli said he has things to do. Howard asked what happened when he left. Richard said Shuli left.
Howard said when they did the CBS Sunday Morning taping Shuli was down there hiding in Madison's office. Howard said they should call the book Shuli Comes Again. He said it was just a little too convenient. He said he's going with Richard on this. He said he'd like to have his back but he can't go with it.
Richard said he thinks it was all about Howard and not even about Conan. Howard said maybe Shuli has a tracking device on him. Shuli said he has sources. He said he gets calls in his ear like the President.
Brent's Unbelievable Wild Sex Story. 05/21/19. 7:10am
Howard said while he has Shuli there he has to talk about Brent's latest sex story. He said he went to an orgy and Shuli doesn't believe it. Shuli said the story is so fantastic. He said he heard him recapping the story for Jason and he was wondering when he blows up the Death Star in the story.
Howard said he got a written synopsis of the story and it is pretty wild. Richard said it's crazy. Howard said Brent claims that he was making the woman cum really hard and things like that.
Brent came in and said that he doesn't believe Shuli saying he didn't want to see Howard down there. He said anyone can come in there and say anyone else is lying. He said Shuli is in there just trying to get cheap heat. He said he's claiming that he doesn't believe him. Shuli said at least he doesn't have to take his wife to get fucked by strangers.
Howard said the ''Brent is Lying'' thing is all over the place lately. He said there was a sign on some show over the weekend.
Howard said Shuli claims this isn't true. Brent went off on Shuli calling him short and Shuli called Brent fat. Brent defended himself saying that Shuli is the one who is gaining weight from eating fast food. The two of them were going back and forth with jabs at each other.
Shuli said they have to hear this story. Brent said he's going to heavy metal concerts and orgies. He asked what Shuli is doing. Shuli just laughed. Brent said Shuli has a clown ring going on his head. Shuli asked if he looks in a mirror. He asked if he sees the awful tattoos on his bad body. Brent said that he'll take him on any day.
Howard said he wants to ask about the orgy. He said Brent has talked about swinging and he imagines he got invited to the orgy because of those stories. Brent said this time the people who hosted it looked through people on this site. Shuli said this all has to do with him. He said he was the one who did the story about them. Brent said it had nothing to do with him.
Howard asked Brent where he found out about this orgy. Brent said he's on a swinger's site and they went through the people on there and invited them to the house. He said they probably had 4 stories in a walk up. He said the bottom level was blocked off for this orgy. He said you couldn't go into the other sections of the house. Howard asked how many people were there. Brent said there were 10 or 15 when he got there. Howard asked if there's money involved. Brent said you do make a donation for the products, cleaning and a DJ.
Howard said Brent said there were beds set up in there. Brent said it looked professionally set up and cleaned to him. Howard asked how he dressed. Brent said he had jeans and a cool looking shirt on. He said Katelyn had tight pants and her titties showing off in a shirt. Howard said that's how you get the attention of everyone else. Shuli said people look at him and think he must be a coke dealer.
Howard asked if people were nude when he got there. Brent said people were dressed when he got there. He said there were women there who were above average to really hot. He said they ranged from 5 to 10s. He said there were multiple 10s there. Howard said they must be almost models. Howard said Bradley Cooper's woman is a 10. Brent said there was one who was a dance instructor and she was half black and half Latina. He said her body was fuckin' rockin'. He said she was a 10 to him. Shuli asked if that's out of 100. Brent said Shuli is so jealous.
Howard said he'd walk right over to the 10. Brent said there were so many hot women there. He said he commented to his wife that every woman was good to very hot. He said she agreed and said it was very good. Howard asked if the men were 10s as well. Brent said they were. Howard asked where Brent is on that list. Brent said he's like a 7. Shuli laughed. Brent said Shuli is like a 2. Shuli said he's like a 4 and he better respect that.
Robin asked if there were male 10s there. Brent said there were. Richard asked if there were big wieners. Brent said they weren't huge. He said they were 6-8.
Howard asked when they read the rules. Brent said after a little while they had everyone gather up and they told them the rules. He said it was things like ''No means no'' and things like that. Howard said it's things like ''Don't cum in the trash cans.''
Howard said no one has fucked around yet. Brent said they were just getting to know each other. He said they had talked to about 6 couples by that point. Brent said they went out and smoked a joint with one couple. He said they got in a hot tub and you have to be nude in there. He said he folded his clothes up and put them where they wouldn't get wet.
Howard asked if he felt self conscious at all. Brent said not at all. He said he feels more comfortable being nude than in clothes. Shuli told him to strip down. Howard asked if they were the first to get nude. Brent said here were about 4 others who got in the hot tub. He said you talk to people and do some grab ass. Howard asked if people were touching his wife's ass. Brent said there was some of that in the hot tub.
Howard asked what Brent were doing. Brent said they were touching feet under the water. Howard asked if he was boned up in there. Brent said he was and the water was nice and warm so it was good for a boner.
Howard asked if they picked anyone yet. Brent said they went and got a drink and went to the playroom where they had beds and stuff. Howard asked if she was ready for the next step. Brent said she was. He said he put on his jeans and that was it. He said he kept his shirt off. He said Katelyn was wearing a thong and boots. He said she was topless. Howard said no kidding.
Howard asked what she was doing in the tub. Brent said she was talking to a guy and guys were squeezing her tits. He said she had some bruises on her arm and she explained that she was in a mosh pit at a concert recently.
Howard asked what was in the playroom. Brent said the host was there getting his dick sucked. He said he waved to him while that was happening. Brent said he asked how things were going. Shuli asked if he said something about that 7 walking into the room. Brent said he sucks.
Brent said there was a guy and another girl in the room and then some others came in. He said there was one girl who was touching his stomach. Shuli said there's a lot to touch there. Howard asked if she was commenting on his body. Brent said she was. He said she was like an 8 or 9. He said she had huge tits. Howard asked if his wife was upset with him. Brent said not at all. He said she was talking to a guy who was like 6'3''. Shuli asked if he was the hottest guy there. Brent said he has to stop with the comments.
Howard said he has to get to the story so he has to ask the guys to give it a break. He said don't let Shuli get in his ear. Howard took a call from Howard Core Brent who was at an orgy. Fake Brent said he was about 36 hours into an orgy and it's super fucking steamy. He talked about going to Steaming Demons concert and going to the orgy. He said he has a blonde blowing the fuck out of him. Howard let him go a short time later.
Howard asked Brent what happened next. Brent told him about the people who were in the room and how two girls were making out on the bed. He said one of their husbands was there with him. He said that guy got next to his wife. He said the husband and the one girl paired up. Brent said he started eating this girl's pussy and it was real nice. He said she was completely shaved. He said she smelled good and all of that. Shuli asked if Brent is shaved completely. Brent said he's trimmed down. Howard said this is harder to follow than Game of Thrones.
Howard said Brent is going down on this girl and what is Katelyn doing. Brent said she's having sex. He said he's looking at her and going down on this girl. Shuli said there's nothing creepy about that. Howard said Brent has to stop reacting to Shuli.
Brent said the husband there asked if he can get with his wife. Brent said he gave him the okay. Howard said it was nice of him to ask. Brent said that's kind of how the community works. Shuli laughed again. Brent said that Katelyn was sucking and fucking another guy. He said this guy was kneeling next to her. Howard asked where the guy is who is fucking her. Brent had to explain the positions they were in. Howard asked if she was making noise. Brent said he didn't hear anything but his head was buried in this girl's pussy.
Brent said this girl ended up sucking his dick and it was like it was her job. He said she was doing it while looking up at him. He said he took a minute to look around while he was getting blown. He said she was sucking him and he's on the side of the bed. Robin asked what was going on in the room. Brent said there was a group of 4 next to him. Brent said there were people doing different things all over the place. Howard said this is crazy. Howard asked if he came. Brent said no way. He said he held out. Brent said he's been over stimulated his whole life so it takes a lot to get him to cum.
Howard said Brent claimed he made that girl cum very hard. Brent said she was shaking and squeezing her legs together. He said you know when a girl cums. Howard said Brent thinks he's a 7 and he makes girls cum hard. Shuli said he thinks he has a big dick too. Brent gave some advice on how to go down on a woman. Brent said you have to manipulate the clit with a hard tongue. Howard asked Robin if that's right. Robin said she would guess so.
Howard asked what happened next. Brent said she's blowing him and he's looking around taking everything in. He said one of the guys who was with Katelyn got u and left and then this other guy, the husband of the girl blowing him, got with Katelyn. He said the guy who was in her mouth is now fucking Katelyn. Brent said the husband comes over and starts eating her out while she's blowing him. He said this woman is sitting on another guy's face while she's blowing him. Then she's blowing another guy.
Brent said that Katelyn brought him a condom so she could see him fuck. He said he asked this girl if he could have sex with her. Howard asked who this new girl was. Brent said she was another girl in the room and she was like a 7.5 or and 8. He said she was on all fours blowing this guy. He said she had a body suit on and he asked if he could take her clothes off so he could have sex with her. He said she was really wet. He said he went right in with the head of his dick. He said she was super wet. Howard asked how long the fucking went on. Brent said it went on a while. He said that woman was eating out another woman after the guy left. Howard asked if that girl came. Brent said he has no idea. Shuli said that's the first honest thing he's said. Brent told him to shut up.
Howard said he wishes he was a 7 like Brent. Brent said Howard is a good looking guy but he lacks the confidence.
Brent said he took his condom off and put it in the receptacle. He said that they had places to do that. Howard asked if the room stinks at this point. Brent said not at all.
Brent said that he came back and Katelyn was with a husband and wife. Shuli said he can't believe that there were 10s in that room. Brent said there were like 2 out of 25. Howard said Katelyn got back into it with a husband and wife and then what. Brent said they were eating her pussy. He said she waved him over to her. He said then she was blowing him while the couple was eating her out. He said Katelyn was ready to go around 4 in the morning. The party had started around 11.
Brent said they got dressed and said goodbye to the host. He said he was walking around in a towel. Howard asked if they exchange numbers or anything. Brent said they have their info on the web site.
Howard asked if Katelyn was charged up over this. Brent said she was super charged up. He said they got in an Uber and she laid across his lap in the Uber. He said she had side zip pants and she put his hand on her pussy. Howard asked if she had cum yet. Brent said not yet. He said guys don't take their time with women. He said one thing didn't go on long enough. He said she takes some time. Shuli asked if she could have and she didn't want to tell him. Brent said no way. He asked why he would ask that.
Howard asked what the Uber driver did. Brent said that he moved the passenger seat Howard so they had more room. He said the drive didn't care. He said he didn't say a word. Howard asked if he finished her off with his finger. Brent said he would get her close to cumming and then he'd stop. He said he wanted to wait until they got home to finish her off. He said she had to get dressed again when they had to get out of the car.
Brent said they got inside and Katelyn was ready to go right then. He said she jumped on top of him and she knows how to cum when she's on top of him. He said she had a crazy orgasm. He said he was all charged up himself. Robin asked if Brent was doing any kind of medication for his penis. Brent said he may have done that on Saturday night. He said that was just to make sure.
Howard took a call from one of the women who Brent called a 10. The guys were playing Wendy the Slow Adult clips. They had her making cumming noises and answering yes to everything Howard asked. Howard took a call from Herpes who said he had a great weekend. Howard lased about 3 seconds with that. Howard said there's a lot of jealous guys in the back.
Howard asked what they did next. Brent said they went and got breakfast. He said he was so charged up that he couldn't sleep. He said he ended up eating her out again when they got home from breakfast. Shuli asked if he ate her out without her showering. Brent said he did. Shuli said he did that after all of those cocks were in there. Brent said they were all wearing condoms.
Howard asked Brent where they went for breakfast. Brent said they went to a deli across the street. He said she wanted it one more time during the day after sleeping. He said they talked about how great that night was. Howard said his dick would be on life support after something like this.
Howard took a call from a guy who said his name is Pinnochio. He said he was there with Brent and Brent is telling the truth. Then his nose grew. He told some stories about Brent and his nose would grow each time he said something about the orgy.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Shuli is so full of shit. He said he wants Brent's life so bad. Howard said that's what Brent says. Howard said that he's known Brent since when. Brent said like 2005. Howard said he thinks he believes this.
Howard said Ronnie's head must be spinning from this. He said he thinks he'd like to be at an orgy.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks if Brent is at an orgy party full of 9s and 10s he has to be the ugliest guy there. Howard said he said he's a 7 so he might be if they were all 9s and 10s. Brent said they were above average to hot.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that there is no way this happened. She said she does not believe this and she's Team Shuli all the way. Brent asked how she knows. She said she just knows. Brent said his wife would never let him tell a story like this if it wasn't true. He said she would divorce him over that. The caller said there is no way this happened. Howard said he might not believe that he made a woman cum hard. The caller said the only true part is that they went to breakfast.
Howard took a call from Balls who asked Brent how many hours it took to rehearse this. Brent said this guy is so fat. He said he saw a picture of him and he's rotund. He said he hasn't seen his dick since he was 4. Howard asked Balls if he's a 2. Balls said at least he doesn't lie about this stuff. Brent said that he's fat as fuck.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he doesn't believe this story either. Another caller said she believes this story. She said that Shuli is trying to talk about something he knows nothing about. She said that she has been into swinging lately and this is stuff that only someone in the community would know. She said she hasn't been with more than one couple but she knows people who have. Howard asked if she's a 10. She said she thinks maybe an 8 or 9. Howard asked who she looks like. the caller said she doesn't even know. Howard asked how old she is. She said she's in her 40s. Howard asked what she weighs. She said she's 5'6'' and 138 pounds. Howard said that can't be an 8 or 9 at that weight. She said she has big boobs, hips and a thick butt. She said she has non fat legs. He said she had D-cups that are enhanced of course.
Shuli asked what she would rate Brent. The caller said she's not attracted to Brent that much. She said once you meet someone and talk to them everything changes. She said that she's married and they went into this with rules. She said they can't kiss anyone but they can do other things. She said she changed her rules after another woman did things with him that she wanted to see more of.
Howard said this is too much for him. He said Brent is up to some wild stuff on the weekend. Robin said he has a trip coming up. Brent said that's down in Tampa. Shuli asked if anyone is going down there to validate this. Brent said yes but it won't be Shuli. Howard said he thinks it would be great if he went. Brent said that Chris Wilding and Memet are going. Richard said Brent should bring him and jizz all over him to punish him or something.
Robin said they have been talking about this a long time so she's glad it's progressing. Robin said Ronnie said something out in the hall about the hot tub and how things are dripping out. Howard asked when Ronnie started worrying about that stuff. Brent said you go in there before sex so nothing is dripping out.
Howard said he wouldn't want anyone else fucking his wife. Robin said it sounds like bacteria city to her. Shuli asked if Brent is worried about catching something. Brent said not at all. He said you have to life your life.
Howard said Sal caught an ass infection in a hot tub. Howard asked what happened there. Sal got on JD's microphone and said he got prostatitis from a gym hot tub. He said the doctor said there's a lot of fecal matter in there. He said it shoots the fecal matter up your colon. Howard said Sal is so sexually repressed he has to be envious of this. Sal said it's amazing what Brent is doing. Shuli asked if he believes him this time. Sal said he believes him this time. He said it's amazing that he can remember the details.
Richard said Brent left out one detail about getting his asshole fingered. Brent said his wife did that while the other girl was blowing him. He said you should get your prostate massaged and you'll see how good it is.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Brent looks like Uncle Fester from the Addams family. Brent said not anymore. Shuli said what do you mean not any more. Brent said he's lost weight. Shuli said there is an app that people can see him on. He said he's not in shape. Brent said he's 5'11'' and 190 pounds. Shuli told him to come in with that Avengers shirt he has. Brent said it's loose on him now.
Howard said he got a note about Ronnie that says he's being really lame. Gary said he's out there saying it's not his thing. Howard had him come in.
Ronnie came in there screaming. He said he was told not to come in. Ronnie said he believes him but it might be a little blown up. Brent said not at all. Ronnie said he isn't into this stuff but he's glad that Brent had a good time. He said he's not into other guys being in the room at the same time. Howard asked if it's gay to watch a guy fucking a woman. Ronnie said not at all. He said Stephanie is into girl on girl porn so that's what they watch.
Robin asked if Ronnie would do the thing they did in the Uber. Ronnie said Stephanie makes too much noise. He said he couldn't do that. He said he's heard about the Uber guys throwing people out of the car. Howard said Brent did this from 11 to 4 in the morning and then he got in the Uber and did more. He said he's never heard of someone so sexed up. Ronnie said it's probably from the medication and the drinks he had. Plus the weed. He said his dick was probably like a pole. He said he can probably go a long time. He said Brent was fucking with the girl and then he goes to another girl and he's eating her out. He said he's not getting anything out of it. Howard said this is why he loves Ronnie. Ronnie said he's not going to blow his load by eating a chick out. He said he's jumping back and forth. Howard said he's like a cockologist. Brent said Ronnie actually got that right. Howard said he lost track after the first sentence.
Howard asked what Ronnie was saying. Ronnie said that's why he last so long. Howard said he didn't ask about that. Ronnie said he did too. Shuli said that's not the question he asked. Ronnie told him to shut up.
Howard said he doesn't even take a break. He said he's even more sexed up than Ronnie is. Ronnie agreed. Fred was doing the Ronnie Puppet thing just saying ''yeah'' in a funny way that Ronnie says it.
Howard said Brent did finish with one woman. He said he was wondering how he lasted so long with that. Ronnie said that's what he just explained. He went over it again.
Brent said the women are in charge at these things. He said the guys just have to show up. Ronnie asked if anyone had toys. Brent said no one did. Ronnie said he was just asking. He said the only thing he doesn't get is the hot tub thing. He said there's always pre-cum. He said it's dripping into the tub. Brent said he was loving every second of it. Ronnie said he's saying there's no cum but there is.
Howard said there it is. He thanked the guys for their stories. He asked Brent if they review his performance on this website. Brent said possibly. He wasn't sure.
Gary asked if the numbers they were with were the same. Brent went over the women he was with and said Katelyn was with 2 guys and one woman. Howard asked if he kissed his wife after she blew all of these guys. Brent said sure he did. Shuli asked when they did shower. Brent said after breakfast. Shuli said they kept that stink on for a while. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
- Calls / Benjy Late Again. 05/24/19. 10:15am
Next on today's replay show they played a segment where Howard took calls and talked to Benjy about showing up late for work again. Here's my rundown:
Lady Gaga Concert Announcement. 05/22/19. 7:55am
After the break they played Creed's ''Higher'' as they were coming back. Howard asked if he's a douche for liking them. Robin said not at all. Howard said some people put them down. He said he enjoys their music very much. He said that guy cracked up or something. Fred said he did have some problems.
Howard said he has a big announcement to make. He said this is for SiriusXM. He said this is fantastic. He said Lady Gaga will perform a concert to celebrate SiriusXM and Pandora coming together. Howard said they're going to have it at The Apollo. He said this is a small venue and it's for subscribers and Pandora listeners. Fred played some Lady Gaga music.
Howard said this is on a Monday night so they may not be able to go. Howard said it's impossible to get a hold of her because she's on fire. Howard said they're going to give away tickets and air the concert live on Howard 101. He said they're going to have a contest to get tickets.
Howard said they're on fucking fire. He said she's doing a residency in Las Vegas so they had to work something out with that. He said it's a big deal that the combination of SiriusXM and Pandora has over 100 million listeners. He said he's proud that he's been there for this history. Robin said they were in on it on the ground floor. Howard said he knows the terrestrial radio company wasn't happy but he had to get over there.
Howard said Hits 1 is the biggest top 40 station in the world now. He said between this and Pandora they have ridiculous amounts of listeners. He said the whole world is benefiting from this.
Howard said Fred is going nuts playing the Lady Gaga songs. Howard took a call from Sour Shoes who was doing his Lady Baba impression. He was doing his Gary impression to the tune of Lady Gaga songs.
Howard said they had Lady Gaga in studio singing and it was really good. He said this is as close as you can come to seeing that. Howard said he may sing Shallow with her over there. He said it's either him of Jim Meyer. He said maybe Jim and Scott Greenstein will sing it with her.
Howard said this is big news out of this company. He said they say that other artists are just coming to them without a record company. He said they had this guy Lewis Capaldi did that and he has a hit song now.
Howard said he saw Cousin Brucie out there in the hall and told him about this announcement. He said Brucie said he's going to wear a meat dress to the concert.
Fred was still playing songs so Howard had to ask him to stop because he's getting caught up in it.
Howard Takes Some Calls. 05/22/19. 8:05am
Howard took a call from a woman who said his song made her cry. Howard said she heard the retirement song. She said she loves them so much. Howard asked her to cry now. She said she is. Howard said he should have taken her call earlier.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said it's funny that they opened the Apollo and they got rid of all of them n-words up there. He said they didn't do anything with that theater for years. He said they used to go there and they had comedy night and then they let it go to hell. He said when now they have white people and Asians up there so they have things going on up there. Robin said King is an asshole. Howard thanked him for calling in. He said maybe he'll take that thank you back.
Howard said there are still people of color up there. Robin said it's become very mixed up there in Harlem. Robin said a lot of people aren't happy about gentrification. She said prices are going up.
Howard took a call from a guy who said King is so stupid. He said him and his Moen faucets. He said he wanted to thank him for recommending that Sammy Hagar and The Circle. He said he loves it. He said he's listened to it a bunch of times. He said everything they do is great. He said Jason Bonham is great. He said it was great when they were on the show.
Howard said they're not an advertiser but they were great on the show. He said he checked out their live album and it was really good.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he can redo his retirement song because his radio updated the channels when he turned his radio on. Howard asked what's up with that. He said sometimes that happens to him too. Robin said it happens with all electronic devices. Howard said he's not sure what that is. He said he'll talk to the tech department.
Benjy Late, May Get Fired. 05/22/19. 8:10am
Howard said they should figure out how they can do the radio updates when Benjy is in there. Howard said he heard that Benjy was late again today. He said he may end up getting fired. He said that the executives out there are saying he has to be fired. Howard said he has no say in this so don't blame him. He said he shows up on time. He said he did Colbert last night and showed up on time. He said this is the worst day to show up late. Howard said he's not sure how he shows up late. Robin said there are plenty of people who work there who show up on time.
Howard said he has an alarm and he's up on time. He said he leaves his alarm on until he's sitting up. Howard said he doesn't know what Benjy is up to. He said he should be there early. He said he knows he loves to eat and he's going to set up that food while the show is on.
Gary said he asked Benjy if he had anything to say. He said he took a long breath and said no. Howard said now he doesn't want to talk. Gary said that Brent said that on no radio show can you show up late like this. Howard said there's no room for error in getting there. He said he gets in there 45 minutes early and Robin is even earlier. He said Robin's commute is longer. Robin said it's only a half hour. Howard said she leaves herself time in case there's something going on. Robin she does.
Howard asked why he was late. Gary said he asked and Benjy took a big sigh. Howard said they have to find out. Robin said Benjy was talking about sleep with someone out there yesterday. She said that's what he's always talking about.
Howard said they're dying to fire him there. He said he can't be late. Howard said he keeps fighting with them there about firing him. He said that he doesn't want him fired but he showed up late again. Howard asked how late he was. Benjy said he was 2 minutes late.
Howard asked if he wants to be fired. Benjy said no. Howard said if it mattered to him then he wouldn't be late. Benjy said his sleep is fine lately. He said he gets paralyzed when he tries to leave sometimes. Howard said come on. He said he's the only one on his team there in terms of getting him fired. He said they really want to fire him. He said this might be his last show and he's being dead serious. He said he might be afraid to go out on his own and this might be his own undoing.
Howard said he thinks Benjy wants this and he doesn't even know it. He said if this job was gold he'd never be late. Benjy said this show is gold to him. He said he's been late to other things that are gold to him.
Howard asked what his most important possession is to him. Benjy said it's his dog. He said that's what paralyzes him. He said it's crazy but... Howard said this is why the company has to fire him. He said that excuse is convenient but it doesn't fly with the company. He said this is a company and they can't coddle him. He said he's not sure how he's going to talk his way out of this.
Howard asked if he was ever late to the Sharknado thing. Benjy said he's not sure. Howard said you know he wasn't. He said in his new job this will help you. He said he wanted to be in Sharknado he made sure he was there on time. He said that's it. He said think about it. He said he made sure to get to that set and not fuck it up. He said that's his point. Howard said he thinks he'll keep him there but he can't help him now. He said he threw him out of the studio and he thought that would help. He said that didn't work.
Howard said he let Benjy host the Wrap Up Show and he showed up on time for that. He said he's afraid they're going to have him pack up his stuff and leave. He said this might be the last of Benjy on the show. He said the powers that be have come to him and said he can't keep protecting him. Howard asked how long he's been there. Benjy said 21 years. He said in the last year there have been others who were later than he was. Howard said throw them under the bus then. Benjy said he won't do that.
Howard said he thought throwing him out of the studio would help. Benjy said he's sorry. He said that he didn't think it would be an issue. Howard said it's an issue for the people who run the company. He said goodbye Sirius and hello Cameo for Benjy. Benjy said they turned him down.
Howard took a call from a woman who said this is attention seeking behavior. She said it goes back to when Artie was still on the show. She said he's seeking attention and not caring about the team. Howard said they think that he's protecting him but he's no longer going to do that. He said if they want to fire him then they're going to fire him. The caller said that his start time should be when the creative team is starting their work. She said that anyone who cares about their job shows up on time or early. Howard asked if she's an H.R. person. She said she is not but she works in the legal arena and she knows what it's like out there. She said they can't keep giving a person like that a free pass.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's throwing his job away but he's voting to keep him. Howard said there's no debate anymore. He said he's afraid they're going to come in and fire him. The caller said they're not going to fire him. Howard said he thinks Benjy should have a chance to say goodbye.
The caller said that he will give him 50 bucks to say happy birthday to his son James. Benjy said he'll do it for free. Fred played the song ''This is the End'' and Howard said he has relinquished all control over this to the company. He said he might be gone. Howard let the song play. Benjy started singing along with it. Howard said Benjy thinks he's joking. He said he's not. Howard said he's not a fan of the Doors but this was a good song choice.
Howard took a call from a woman who said its about time they get rid of Benjy. She said the fans deserve better. She said he should be blowing Howard for 12 hours a day. Howard said he only works 12 hours a week. He said he's never going to find a job like that. The caller said the fans deserve better. Benjy asked if he can blow him now. Howard said he's not joking about this stuff. He said he's going to get fired.
Howard asked Benjy why he can't leave his apartment. Benjy said he gets scared and he sees a million things going on. He said he got up at 5:40 this morning. Howard asked why not get up at 5 and go through that paralysis at 5. Gary said that Benjy said in the office last week that he makes sure he gets there extra early so he can get on TV. Benjy said he was joking about that. Howard said he un-paralyzes himself over that. He said it's weird to him. He said people give him money to show up there and he's busy doing Peleton classes.
Robin said she wants to know what these things are that worry him. Benjy said it's something fucking up in his apartment. He said he unplugs everything. He said he's afraid the dog is going to chew on the cords or something. Howard said get up earlier and do it. Benjy said it's not what time you get up. He said it's as soon as you leave you see more things. Howard said just leave. Benjy said he's finally able to do that. Howard said what a weirdo.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Benjy is a fat fuck and he's got the easiest job in the world. He said they have a dog and they have someone take care of it. Howard said Benjy used to say it was the sleep. He said now it's the dog. He said now he found another excuse for being late. Benjy said he's always had trouble. Howard said Benjy wants to be fired and he can't just quit.
Howard said he is lying about him being full of rage and not moving on in life. He said he's jealous of his success and he thinks he should be successful himself. He said some people can control that and work with it but Benjy is full of rage. Benjy said he's not lying about it. Howard said he's not doing work to control his rage and jealousy and it's interfering with his work. He said he might lose his job over it and that's a shame. He said that they can't tolerate him being late all the time. The caller said he's being disrespectful. Howard said he is.
Benjy asked if he thinks he has a fuck up to get back at Howard. Howard said he wants to be the baby getting attention from daddy. Benjy said he doesn't understand psychology. Howard said this is real life. Benjy asked if there are things in his life he doesn't want to do but he does them to get back at people. Howard said yes. Benjy said he's not doing this intentionally. Howard said he is too. Benjy asked if he intentionally did things that he regrets. Howard said he does and that's called taking responsibility. Howard said now Benjy can do that podcast he's wanted to do all these years. He said welcome to podcasting.
Howard said thanks for doing the show for all these years. He said he's saying goodbye now. Howard let Benjy go.
The caller asked if Howard had something like that going on in his life wouldn't he do something about it. Howard said he had to work at a station all by himself back when he was starting out in Detroit. He said he showed up to work every single day no matter what the weather was. He said he'd drive that Valiant to work in the snow because he cared about his job.
Fred played a song parody about Benjy that Mariann sang. Howard said Benjy was pissed that he wasn't on the staff panel today for cleaning out the computer. Gary said he gave Will and ear full about that. Howard said he's incredibly entitled. Robin said it's interesting that he was late today.
Will came in and said that every time it's an argument with him about the panel. Howard said they were going to have the guys in to do the clearing the computer thing today. Will said that it's a reward to be on the air and Benjy said he doesn't understand why he's not in there. Will said the guy doesn't do anything around there. Will said Benjy is very funny but he's replaceable. Benjy came back in and asked what he said to him about the panel. He said what he said was that he's not protesting this one bit but he wondered if there was a better way to protest it. Benjy said he's taking his quote and making it an argument. He said that's not he way it went.
Benjy said what he said is that he has no protest about the panel. He asked if there's a better way to present it to be on. Howard said that's not his job. Benjy said in this case it was. Will said if you want to be rewarded then do more work around there. He said start writing more and producing more. Howard asked what time Will comes in to work. Will said he takes a 4:45 train into work. He said he's always in early. Howard said that's a work ethic. Robin said he has kids.
Gary said one of the other issues was the last time Benjy was on the panel he was unprepared. Will said how about preparing content for the show. Benjy said he does. He said he just sent him a note yesterday. He said he was asking about doing some newscasts or something about the book. He said he has to get permission so he keeps proposing to do that. Will said that's a good thought but it's all about Benjy. He said if he's in the spotlight he will do the work. He said if it's doing something outside the live show he won't do it. Benjy said he does that all the time. Howard said it doesn't matter if he's not going to show up to work on time.
Gary said the 6:10 meeting is the perfect thing for Benjy to be part of. He said that's where they get things on the show. Howard said he has given him a 12 hour work schedule. He said that's just for him. He said he makes those special accommodations for him and he still doesn't come in on time. Will said there are people who want to work there and Benjy is taking up a lot of that space. He said you'd think he'd appreciate that opportunity.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she's never been late in 25 years of working. She said he's laying the ground for mental health issues for H.R.. She said that's why he's saying this. Howard said it went from sleep to dog issues. The caller said now they're going to have to accommodate him even more.
Will said that he doesn't want to fuck with a guy's livelihood but he has special rules there. Howard said he does. Benjy said he doesn't have special rules. Howard said he made him a 12 hour work week. Benjy asked about Robin. Howard said she works her ass off and is never late. Will said she did the show through cancer and she was never late. Howard said if that's what he's given Robin and Fred and Benjy then he's being special. He said Fred is writing bits all the time too. Will said Fred writes 12 bits a week. He said they never see that from Benjy. Fred said this is the closest thing to ''My dog ate my homework.'' He said it's not a good reason. Benjy said he knows it would be something else if it wasn't her.
Howard said High Register Sean has a theory about this. He took his call and Sean said he thinks that Benjy has contracted a parasite called a brain worm that affects you. He said it usually affects moose. Howard thanked him for the call.
Howard said there are other staffers who have pets and they don't have a problem leaving them alone. Howard asked how many guys have dogs. Will said lots of them.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's being a dick. Howard asked how. The caller said Benjy has been there forever. Howard said he has because he's protected him. The caller asked why they don't suspend him. Howard said they've tried everything. He said it's enough already. Howard said he has put up with this forever. Benjy said he has been suspended before. The caller said he's a dick then.
Benjy said there are people who have been late more than him. Will said not to his knowledge. Robin asked if it's just one person. Benjy said he can think or one or two. Gary asked how he would know if he's not there. Howard asked how he would know. Benjy said he sees things. Howard asked why he doesn't see his alarm clock. He said he had a long night and he'd like to move on. He said he loves Benjy and this might be goodbye. Howard said he's the one guy who has his back there. Will said no one else does. He said Howard is the only one.
Benjy said he was at a Trader Joe's recently and this mom was taking care of her 7 year old and she was severely disabled. He said he knew that the kid... Howard cut him off asking what he's doing. Benjy was trying to say something. He said this kid is never going to be loved like the mother did. He said he thought about Howard being that way with him.
Jason came in and said he's so pissed about this. He said that Benjy is throwing that thing out there about other people being late. He said if you're in trouble he's trying to get other people fired. He said he should be focusing on his own thing. He said he's a piece of shit coworker for doing that to someone. Benjy said Jason is doing that to him now. Jason said he's trying to get the attention off of him and he doesn't have the balls to mention who those people are. Benjy said they know who they are. Howard said he's losing control.
Fred did his Benjy voice talking about being in a Costco and seeing an older gentleman bent over his carriage and he asked if he was going to take those plantains... Howard cut them all off and said he has to get to Dana Carvey so he has to take a break.
- Calls & Melania Prank Calls. 05/24/19. 11:00am
Next on today's replay show they played a segment where Howard took calls and played a Fake Melania prank call. Here's my rundown:
Sammy Hagar & The Circle Album Review. 05/20/19. 8:20am
After the break they played Toadies ''Possum Kingdom'' as they were coming back. Howard came back and said that's a great song. He said that the band that was good was Of Monsters and Men. He said they played and they were really good on Fallon. He said they were old school good. He said he approves. He said if they were on America's Got Talent he'd put them through. Howard had some audio of them on Fallon that he played for Robin. He said this woman can sing her ass off.
Howard said he liked that. He said he was shocked that he liked it. Robin said she just bailed after Howard was done. Howard said they were fun to watch. He said it was a bit of an education for him. Robin said she enjoyed the George Stephanopoulos interview too. Howard said they were having fun.
Howard said he has been listening to The Circle and they have an album out called ''At your Service.'' He said it's a kick ass album. He said Sammy is on to something. He said the guy appears to be having fun doing it. He said he can still sing too. Howard played some stuff off of that album. He said this is really good. He said the drums are solid and the guy on guitar is good. He let the song play for a short time. He said check out the album. He said he can't play the whole thing today. Robin said maybe they should.
Howard played a couple more clips from the album. He said he'll do this quickly. They do a bunch of covers of Van Halen and Led Zeppelin songs. Howard said she would go see these mother fuckers. He said she wishes they'd come to his house and do this. Howard said that was The Circle and the album is ''At Your Service.''
Howard said he has to talk about this guy DJ Khaled. Robin said she wanted to talk to him about that Saturday Night Live appearance. Robin said she's never seen anything like it. She said all he does is yell out his own name. Howard said they'll talk more about that later in the show.
A New Phony Phone Call And More. 05/20/19. 8:30am
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wants to talk about what that caller said about doing the conservative shows. He said he doesn't watch any of those other shows and he doesn't see him. Howard said you don't have to see him. He said he just did a rap on why he did what he did. He said he's not on a campaign to do liberal and conservative media. He said he's got no problem with FOX.
Howard said he was talking to Conan about some stuff. He said that Conan's podcast is out on Memorial day. Howard said he thought it was out today. He said he's not sure why it's Memorial day. Howard said he just got a note saying it's out today. Gary said they told everyone it was coming out Memorial day but it's out now. He said they just looked 2 minutes ago. Howard said his podcast is out now.
Howard asked the caller what he has going on over there. The caller asked if he can hear him. Howard said yes. He said come on. The caller said he read the book and it was very touching and moving to him how he talked about how Rosie O'Donnell moved him. He said he also wanted to know about some great guests on his show from many years ago. Howard said they were all good. The caller said if he does retire he should put out some of the old shows. Howard said maybe he'll do that. The caller said he would rather pay for that than what's on radio today. Howard said the deal he made with Sirius says if he does leave they have his archives for the next 12 years or something. He said their plan is to do something like that.
Howard said he will give you some phony phone call action here. He said he has fake Melania calling into a Swap Shop show trying to sell the Mueller report. Howard played the call and fake Melania was trying to sell the report on the show but they cut her off multiple times saying they just went too far. Howard went to break after playing that.
Today's show was over around 11:15am.