- Howard Stern's Mammary Lane - Day 3. 05/27/15. 7:00am
Howard is on vacation this week. They're playing Mammary Lane in place of the live shows. They will be doing live Wrap Up Shows this week. Here's what they played today:
- Howard's Megaphone - March 23, 2006. 05/27/15. 7:00am
First up on today's Mammary Lane Jon Hein and Gary Dell'Abate introduced a segment where Robin and Sal got into it over Sal using Howard's megaphone. Here's my rundown from that day:
Strike 2 For Sal The Stockbroker. 03/23/06. 9:25am
Robin said that she heard on Howard 100 News yesterday that someone on the staff didn't think that the show should be rerun throughout the day because it makes it less special. It was a blind item so Robin wondered who it was. Fred admitted it was him but he said that he's changed his mind. He said now that he's heard the show running all day he believes that decision was the right one to make.
Howard said that there were a lot of people out there saying that they wanted to hear the show all day long so that's what he decided to do. Fred said it's actually great when he can tune in and hear the show anytime or tune over to Bubba's show and listen to that. Robin said they're running Bubba's show on the weekends so she catches up on that stuff too.
Fred said that he enjoys listening to the Mike Walker game in reruns. Howard said he's really going to love this week's game when they confront Mike about that fart they recorded last week.
Robin mentioned another story she heard about Sal using Howard's megaphone out in the hall the other day and coughing and sneezing all over it. Howard said he heard about that and got kind of angry about it because that's his personal stuff that he treasures. He's had that megaphone for 20 years now and they don't even make it anymore.
Howard said that he pulled Sal into a room after hearing about that. He saw Sal this morning and told him that he didn't know what he was thinking and touching his megaphone is just wrong. He said that he can't touch that stuff and he can't be masturbating in his office. He said that guy is going to get himself fired if he keeps this stuff up. Howard said that he's just livid with this guy.
Sal came in and said he doesn't know what to say. He really doesn't want to piss Howard off. He said that he had a meeting with Human Resources yesterday and lost a lot of sleep over that. Howard told Sal that using that megaphone shows that he's whacked out of his friggin skull. Howard wondered if he's going into his office and stuff as well. Sal says that he's not doing that.
Sal was trying to explain some of the things he's done but Howard told him he has to go to a psychiatrist to get over this obsession with him. Sal says he doesn't have an obsession. Howard told Sal that if he touches one more of his things, he's going to fire him. He said he used poor judgment and he doesn't want to do anything else to piss Howard off. Gary came in at one point and held a dildo over Sal's head like Sal does to him when he's talking to Howard.
Robin told Sal that he doesn't seem to realize what's wrong when he's at work. He told her to shut up because she's just waiting for him to get himself fired. Sal was yelling at Robin about what she was saying. Howard told him to apologize to her but he only did it because Howard had asked him to. He sounded very angry and made some threats that actually sounded pretty scary.
Howard stopped Sal and Robin from fighting. He told Sal that he's got to have better judgment when he's there. He can't trust Sal if he's going to take his megaphone and use it. Sal has probably screwed up at other times but they just haven't found out about it. Robin was going off on him again so Sal was calling her a little weasel. He kept bringing up the fact that Howard gave her a Mercedes. Howard said that he seems to be very jealous of that. Sal said that he is because he's in debt up to his neck and his cell phone is about to be shut off. He said he's in debt to the tune of about $200,000. Someone suggested that Robin name her boat ''Sal is Fucked'' since it's probably worth about as much as Sal is in debt to.
Robin was telling Sal to shut up himself and to get out of the studio after he was telling her to shut up when she was bringing stuff up that he was doing. Artie said that Sal should know better than this. He once wanted to put Wasabi in his Munchkins and that stuff just can't happen. A phone caller told Howard that he's really got to get rid of this guy because he's crossed the line with this. He'd be gone already if he was working anywhere else.
Another caller told Howard that the Dice interview went great. Howard said he really had no idea how that was going to end up going. He said that Dice was very human about the whole thing and it was a good interview. The guys said that it was very interesting how that went down because Dice has remained a fan of the show all these years. Fred said he really thought that it was all going to turn into a fight. Artie thought that the stories he was telling were funny and the jokes he was telling were great as well.
Sal wondered if Howard thought that Dice was using him to get his career moving again. Howard said he kind of went into it thinking that way but it didn't come across as if he was trying to do that. Ralph called in a short time later and said that it felt pretty real to him as well. He doesn't think that Dice would come to the show now if he wanted to sell out shows because Howard doesn't have the audience he once did. Ralph also asked Howard why Sal doesn't get what's going on there. Howard thinks that there is an adjustment period that some people need and Sal is still trying to find out where that line is.
Ralph thinks that Sal is destined to be fired some day and he's wondering what the over/under is on that. Robin said that she's trying to help Sal out by giving him some guidance but he's not listening to her. Howard said he used to tell KC that he was coming close to getting fired and he didn't listen so he ended up getting fired. Ralph thinks that Sal will be gone within the year.
Artie said that he took Sal aside one day and told Sal that he's done some dumb things in his career as well and you have to live an learn. He just has to watch himself a little closer now. Angry Black called in and said that he left Sal a message and told him that he's going to lose his job if he keeps this stuff up. He told Howard that he should sit him down and have a talk with him to straighten this stuff out. Angry said that he thinks Sal is funny but he doesn't want to have to send in a tape to try and ''Win Sal's Job.''
Another caller told Howard that Sal has been crossing the line and there's no telling what he's going to do next. The caller also said that he liked hearing Dice on the show today but he should have been more up front about what happened between him and Clubsoda Kenny and Hottub Johnny.
Benjy asked Howard if he knew what Dice was talking about with what went on between his son and Opie and Anthony. Howard and the guys thought that he was just pointing out that they were disrespecting him in front of his kid. They tried to cover a lot of stuff during that interview and they had 10 years to cover so there was a lot going on.
- Jim Carrey - July 26, 1994. 05/27/15. 7:20am
Next on Mammary Lane Jon and Gary introduced a Jim Carrey interview from 1994. Here's my rundown from a Mastertape Theatre replay in 2007:
Jim Carrey Visits. 07/26/1994. 9:00am
Howard came back from break and Gary told him to get Jim Carrey in there because he was out in the green room trading quips with Stuttering John. Howard talked about how they had Jim on the show a couple of years ago when he wasn't ''Jim Carrey'' and did him a favor. He said Jim is the guy from In Living Color and ''Ace Ventura: Pet Detective.'' He also said that he's in this new movie ''The Mask.''
Howard called Jim a big star as he was coming in. He talked to him about how he's the biggest star out of the whole group on In Living Color. He said that Jim was like the only white guy on the show and he was made to dance at the end of the show each week and it was never real dancing. He'd always do something kind of goofy. He said that all of those guys who did concentrate on dancing aren't even in comedy anymore.
Jim said that he didn't get any sleep last night and he never does when he's going to do this show. He said he rented an adult movie to try and take the edge off last night. Howard said he had learned a lot about Jim and found out he was hired to do this movie ''Ace Ventura'' which probably had a horrible script. He said Jim took that movie and did it for like $400,000. He said that's about the going rate for first movies. He told Jim that he did great in that movie. He didn't think that it was going to be a hit and figured it was going to flop. He said he rented it and said he laughed his ass off though.
Howard gave the movie to his father and told him he had to see it. His father even said that the guy is funny. He took a bad movie and made it good. That's why he got paid $7 million to do his next movie. He told Jim that it wasn't the director that made that movie good, it was him. Jim eventually caved in and took credit for it. Howard thought that Jim wasn't signed on to do a sequel but Jim said that he was. He said he had to renegotiate the contract though.
Howard said that what's going to happen now is that he's going to get all kinds of movies, even serious ones. He told Jim that he can see him doing Forrest Gump and things like that. Robin told Howard that he's going to be in Batman 3 so Howard told him to be careful with that. He said he's afraid that they don't know what they're doing with the Batman character and they could screw it up.
Howard talked about Jim doing this movie ''Dumb and Dumber'' and that he didn't get paid all that much to do it. They had to pay him a lot more money than they thought they were going to when they asked him to do it. They thought they had him for about a million but it turned out to be 7.
Howard asked Jim about his marriage and divorce. Jim joked that he looked over at her ass one morning and said he wanted one more hairy. Howard asked him about this piece of ass that he's dating now. No one could remember her name though. It was Lauren Holly.
Howard read a story about Jim dating Lauren and then asked him how that all came about. He found out that Jim was still in the middle of his divorce and they have a kid. He might lose some of that big money he was making too. Jim said that he's very hard to live with because he has a lot of baggage. Howard wondered what kind of baggage he had but Jim was cracking jokes and not talking about that stuff.
Howard told Jim that he's going to get laid a lot now that he's become this big star. He tried to find out if he got laid a lot when he was young. Jim kept joking around so Howard had to dig a little more. He found out that Jim got married very young so he wasn't getting a lot of chicks.
Howard asked Jim what voice he was going to use for the Riddler in this Batman movie. Jim said he can't do it because the movie company would come down on him. Howard said he could do those kind of voices and did a demonstration for Jim that didn't seem to impress.
Robin said she thinks that Jim's marriage came to an end over Jim taking out the garbage. Howard said he can see that happening. He said you can't ask a big star to take out the trash. He spent a few more minutes talking about that and about the last time Jim was on the show. He said that the last time he was on they kept him waiting an hour and rushed him out after a short interview.
Howard asked Jim about his manager, who is actually Dennis Miller's brother, and said he'll probably dump him soon. He jokingly said that Dennis Miller's sister is Jim's maid and Dennis will be his driver as soon as HBO dumps him.
Howard had Jim's manager come in the studio so he could talk to him about Jim's career. Howard asked him why his brother has such a bug up his ass over him. He doesn't think that's the case. Howard said that the last time Jim Carrey was there no one even wanted to talk to him. Now he's a big star and everyone wants him and Jim will eventually say goodbye to Jimmy Miller.
Howard gave Jim a plug for ''The Mask'' which was coming out on Friday. He asked him about the other movies that he's working on and found out he's doing nothing right now. He will be working on Batman soon though. He said they're going to be doing that out in Long Beach at the Warner Brothers set. Gary told Howard that they only had about 12 minutes left with him because he had to go do other interviews.
Gary told Howard that there's a crowd building outside the building there this morning. He said the crowd was almost as big as Arnold Schwarzenegger's was last week. Howard asked to smell Jim's hand because of all of the women he'd had. Howard smelled smoke when he took a whiff of his hand. He talked to him about Lauren Holly and asked him if his plan is to screw every one of his co-stars.
Howard talked to Jim about the deal he has for this Batman movie and found out he has a back-end deal. He'll also have the money from the action figures they sell with his face on them. Howard said that Jim also has this new song out where he's doing this ''Cuban Pete'' character for ''The Mask.'' He played that song and found out it's number 30 on the charts. Howard wrapped up a short time later and went to break.
- Fred's Pictures - May 8, 2000. 05/27/15. 7:55am
Next on Mammary Lane Jon and Gary introduced a segment where the guys were busting Fred's balls about some pictures he had with him on a trip. Here's my rundown from that day:
Favorite Sexual Positions Discussed. 5/8/00. 9:30am
Howard and the crew were talking about Jackie's wife and how flirty she is with Howard. Howard was asked if he'd have sex with Nancy if she wanted to. Howard said he wouldn't do that to Jackie unless Jackie said it was okay. That led to everyone talking about sex and which position is their favorite. Howard said that he likes to do a woman from behind because he likes to see her ass, back and hair. He also joked that he doesn't want to see the woman laughing at him. Stuttering John said his favorite is to have the woman on top of him so he can see everything in front of him. Robin said that the missionary position is fine for her but she enjoys any position. Jackie didn't really have a favorite. Everything is good for him. Fred joked that he likes his woman ''..tied up, ball in mouth.'' Somehow the subject changed to Fred's dog and how he used to bring pictures of the dog with him when he'd go on vacation. Gary pointed that out to Howard years ago but today he said that Jackie was the one to pointed it out to him. Jackie tried to pretend that he didn't remember so Fred wouldn't kill him but he eventually caved in and said that he seems to remember laughing so hard that he was crying as he told Gary about it. He'd seen 2 framed pictures of Fred's dog in his hotel room and told Gary about it. Gary then told Howard and Howard eventually saw it for himself. Everyone said that they don't even bring pictures of their wives with them when they go away and Fred had 2 pictures of his dog. That is weird behavior. Fred said he just did it to make his hotel room seem more home-like.
- Doorman - June 10, 1986. 05/27/15. 8:15am
Next on Mammary Lane Jon and Gary introduced a segment where Howard made a doorman who called the show into a super hero. This segment was not in my archives.
- Enrique Iglesias - June 8, 2000. 05/27/15. 8:30am
Next on Mammary Lane Jon and Gary introduced the Enrique Iglesias interview from 2000. Here's my rundown from that day:
Enrique Iglesias Performs Live. 6/8/00. 8:10am
Latin singer Enrique Iglesias came in to prove to Howard that he can actually sing this morning. When Enrique walked in even Howard was taken by his looks. Robin gave him a ''Wow!'' when she saw him and Howard told him he was a good looking guy. Howard wanted to build up to Enrique singing so he spent a few minutes talking to him about his life. He brought up Enrique's father Julio and said that he read that Julio was jealous of his son. Enrique said that wasn't true. Howard heard that when Enrique told his father that he outsells him 3 to 1, Julio refused to accept that and got very competitive with him. Enrique said that it's a healthy competition and that his father couldn't be jealous of his own son.
Howard also learned that Enrique was raised by his mother from the age of 4 to 8 and was then brought to the United States by his father. He was then raised by his nanny. Howard asked him if he ever got laid by his nanny but Enrique just laughed. He didn't want to talk much about his sex life. Howard then tried to find out about all of the famous women his father has loved before. The only name that really came up was Diana Ross. Enrique didn't really remember seeing any other women around the house with his father.
Howard moved ahead and brought up this controversial tape that he's been playing for the past few days. Enrique said that he hadn't heard the tape yet so Howard played it for him. Howard told him that if he wasn't able to sing today that his Grammy might be taken away from him and his $30 million record contract might be in trouble. Enrique listened and laughed as Howard played the tape for him. He joked that he thought it was a pretty good performance. He told Howard that it's possible that it was him. He said he may have just been screwing around having fun but that's not how he sings for real. He also said that it may have been a lip syncing situation where he couldn't hear himself and it just messed him up. He listened to it a couple of times to try and recognize himself but he still wasn't sure. Howard asked him if he's pissed that someone would tape him and put it out like this. Enrique said that it pisses him off because no matter how popular you are, there's always ''..some prick out there trying to pull you down.''
Enrique's guitar player, Tony Bruno, came in and prepared to play the music while Enrique sang. Howard first went to a camera that was down on the street where a bunch of the press were waiting to come on the show. He told them that none of them are coming up. Howard did allow a fan to come in. She wanted to meet Enrique and she just about fainted when she came in the studio. She yelled and screamed for a minute until Howard told her to shut up and sit in the corner.
Howard made sure that there were no ''gadgets'' or any voice changing things around for Enrique. Fred played a drum roll and Enrique performed a short bit of his song ''Rhythm Divine'' which is the same song that he sings on the bad tape. He was able to sing the song better than on the controversial tape but he was still off key a little bit. Howard and Robin were both impressed that he was able to sing it better than on the tape. Enrique also performed a bit of his new single ''Be With You'' from his album ''Enrique''.
After singing it the right way he sang it like it was done on the tape that Howard had. It definitely sounds exactly him singing on that tape Howard has been playing. Enrique was just having fun doing all of this. Howard went back to the camera that was down on the street and spoke to some guy who was holding a ''Enrique Sucks'' sign. He told Howard that Enrique gave him the finger when he saw him earlier. Enrique said that of course he did that. He didn't need to see that as he was going in to Howard's building.
Some people were still saying that Enrique wasn't hitting the high notes in the song that he sang. Stuttering John and some phone callers all said that he wasn't that good. Howard thought that he'd proven himself already and that it was ridiculous for these people to say that. Enrique then went ahead and sang the song once again.
Howard was ready to end the segment but Enrique said he was having fun so he kept him on a little longer. Howard got a call from his friend Shaun Robinson from ''Access Hollywood'' who he met on a flight from New York to Los Angeles recently. She was calling in trying to get her producer on the show this morning. Howard had told the woman earlier that he wasn't allowing the press up to the studio so they called Shaun and told her to try and get them in. After a couple of minutes talking to her Howard figured out what she was trying to do and got off the phone.
A few more fans of Enrique's were allowed in the studio before he left. It was the women who were defending him earlier in the show. They spent a few minutes letting Howard goof on them for being such wacky fans. One girl was 19 and Howard told her she was getting a little old to be doing this. Another chick had left her husband and kids behind at home while she chases Enrique around.
Finally, Howard's board operator Luis came in because he claimed that he could sing better than Enrique. Enrique challenged him to sing with him and he accepted. Enrique started the song and Luis tried to sing the high notes. He was unable to do it and his voice cracked a few times. It wasn't as easy as he thought. Howard told Enrique that he could keep his Grammy and ended the segment.
After a commercial break Howard came back and had reporter Chaunce Hayden on the phone. He was saying that Enrique sucked and didn't hit those high notes. He wanted to know why Howard was defending him. Howard told him that Enrique proved that he sings on his own album and that's all they wanted to prove. They wanted to see if he was another Milli Vanilli and he wasn't. Howard said that he may not be the greatest singer in the world but he definitely sings on his own album. Chaunce was just trying to make a story out of something that's not a story anymore. Other people were coming in saying that Enrique wasn't that good but it didn't matter to Howard. He continued to tell them that all he wanted Enrique to prove was that he's the one on the album... and that's what he did.
- Shaft Man - January 11, 2012. 05/27/15. 9:10am
Next on Mammary Lane Jon and Gary introduced a segment where Richard talked about porn movies he watched called Shaft Man. Here's my rundown from that day:
Lisa G's Howard 100 News Preview. 01/11/12. 7:20am
Lisa said that Jason and Will will be doing another Page 69 and talking about how Richard went home early to take care of his pet guinea pig recently. The guinea pig ended up dying.
Howard said that Richard used to jerk off to audio tapes when he was younger and he wanted to hear what they were like. Howard said he heard them and all you can hear is the guys. He said that there is a woman on the tape but all you hear are the guys. He said the tapes are kind of weird.
Howard said he had the clips of the porn stuff. He played one where you hear the guy telling the woman to suck him off and he's talking through the whole thing. It's a guy with a southern accent and it's just comical. Howard asked Richard how he beats off to a dude like that. Richard said you want to imagine you're that guy. Richard said that the cassette had like Peter North and some hot chick on the cover but that's not what it sounds like. Howard said that the guy in the tape sounds kind of like Herman Cain. Howard played more of the audio and got some laughs out of that.
Howard said he couldn't beat off to this if it was the last thing on earth. Richard said he used to wear a Walkman to listen to the cassettes. He said that the whole thing was a whole story so he just pulled a few clips for Howard. Howard replayed one of the clips where this ''Shaft Man'' was talking to the woman about why they call him Shaft Man. Howard asked if Richard ever puts on that accent and talks to his woman like that. Richard joked around about that for a few seconds.
Howard asked Richard if he talks to his pets in a baby voice. Richard did a voice that was kind of a baby voice. Howard said Beth does that but she has no inhibitions. Howard said he talks to the pets but he talks to them like an adult. He said maybe he should put on a voice. Howard said that Beth heard him talking to the dog and she asked if that's how he talks to them. Howard said that he does talk to them in a regular voice. Howard said that's the way his dad talked to him when he was a toddler. Howard said he didn't put on any voices. Howard said he just talks to his pets like that.
Lisa said that Superfan Roundtable is moving to Wednesday night at 7 and the Intern Show is moving to Thursday night at 7. They went to break after that.
- Engagement Chicken - December 10, 2003. 05/27/15. 9:20am
Next on Mammary Lane Jon and Gary introduced a segment where Howard described Beth cooking ''engagement chicken'' for him. Here's my rundown from that day:
Howard's Heating System Still Causing Problems. 12/10/03. 6:00am
Howard said that Beth cooked for him last night and made him lemon chicken with beets, brussel sprouts and shallots. He said that's the first time she's cooked him a meal like that. He said he really liked it and it was a low fat meal. He said it was the best present he could ever get. Howard said that Robin once cooked for him as well. They talked about that for a short time and said that back then, Fred didn't eat shrimp. Fred woke up and said that he does eat shrimp and other sea food these days. Howard said Fred would eat hot dogs back then.
Howard said that KC told him recently that he can't find good food in Manhattan. Fred said that he told him that he can't get good pizza in the city but Howard said he was told it was food in general. He seems to think KC is nuts for saying that.
Robin thought the whole meal cooking thing that Beth did is a trap for Howard. She said ''That's what a wife will do.'' Howard said the fact that she's good looking, not annoying and cooks well is a bit of a trap. He also said ''Trista and Ryan, move over'' as he joked around about getting married. That led to him talking about Gwyneth Paltrow and how she's all over the news since she's pregnant now. Robin said that she was off of everyone's radar for a while but now she's all over the news.
A listener called in and asked Howard how much he spends around Christmas. He said he spends a fortune buying gifts for everyone who works with him and the people at the apartment building he lives at. He said the tipping alone is crazy. Gary asked him if he's over ten grand. Howard said even $20,000 wasn't close. Howard said that's not even a tenth of what he spends. Gary kept going up and up to over fifty thousand and Howard was still saying he wasn't close. Howard said that he decided to get Gary, Fred, Artie and Benjy separate gifts but the list just kept growing and growing. He said it gets very expensive. He doesn't want anyone to feel let down with their gifts. He said he'd rather take his money, put it in one of those booths and have everyone just grab as much as they can.
Howard said he gets a fruit of the month gift from Tom Chiusano and it's the greatest gift he gets. He said he gets some great fruit with that and he really appreciates the gift. He spent a few minutes talking about that and said that if he gave it as a gift, it wouldn't be good enough for some people.
Beth Setting The ''Engagement Chicken'' Trap. 12/10/03. 6:25am
Howard took a call from a woman who said she heard about this lemon chicken that Beth made for Howard. She said it was in Glamour magazine and it's called ''Engagement Chicken.'' Howard said that's pretty funny because he and Beth were sitting around the other day and she told him she was making the chicken with a recipe she found in Glamour magazine. Howard thought that was really funny and thanked the woman for calling in. Howard said that he was hugging and kissing her after the meal and it seems to really work.
King of all Blacks called in and told Howard to just get married already. He said that he's happy with her so he should just marry the girl already. Howard said that's not the right thing to do. He said if you're happy, why ruin it by getting married. Gary tried to get Beth on the line while Howard spoke to King of all Blacks. King told Howard about a problem he had with a contractor at one point. Howard told him he had enough problems of his own to worry about though.
Beth was on the line a short time later. She said she was trying to get some sleep because of the heating system noise. She fell asleep and then the phone rang. Howard told Beth how he was raving about the chicken meal she made last night. He said that Robin was saying that she was trying to set the trap for him and all. Beth said that she's humiliated over it but she knew it was going to come out. She said it definitely brings out the romance. Beth said that it really works and he's never been that way over a meal before. Howard was kissing her over the table and all. She wasn't expecting a proposal or anything although she did ask Howard if he was calling to propose when he brought up the whole thing.
Beth told him to just wait until next week. Howard told her he's going to make her ''Wait 20 years meatballs'' next week. Howard told her to make him some ''see you later meatloaf'' because he's so nuts over that meal. A listener called in and said he saw Beth out shopping for bridal dresses with Bianca (Howard's dog). He also asked Beth if she's going to wear a red dress and then called her a slut. Howard hung up on the guy and got back to the Engagement Chicken. Beth told Howard that she ripped the title of the recipe off the page so he wouldn't find it laying around.
Howard let Beth get back to sleep after that discussion. He said he knows that Beth doesn't want to get married. She said that they're very happy together right now. Double A called in and said that if things don't work out with Howard he'd take Beth in a heartbeat. Howard said that he'd accept ''Engagement Feces'' from her. King of all Blacks called in and asked Beth what she would think if Howard asked her to marry him. She said that she would say yes if he asked her. Howard said that he loves Beth but King told him that what he's doing isn't fair to her. He said he was comparing Beth to what happened in the past but Howard says he's not. Howard said he has issues with marriage and he was getting very uncomfortable with the whole conversation. King was saying that he might have to get a ring for his woman as well. Artie told him the only ring he should be getting is around his stomach.
Howard was getting upset when King of all Blacks was saying that he's going to get Beth a ring soon. He wanted to get away from that whole thing. Another caller said that the wedding would be bigger than Lady Di's if it happens. Another caller asked Beth if she'd be dating Howard if he was only making $40,000 a year. She claims she would but Robin said it doesn't matter because that's not the case.
Howard said that he'll be crapping out his Engagement Chicken later today. Beth wondered why he was ruining such a great thing by saying that. It turns out he told her that he could eat that meal every day of his life. He had to take a break a short time after that.
- Balkan Sex - May 18, 2011. 05/27/15. 9:45am
Next on Mammary Lane Jon and Gary introduced a segment where Howard played some weird tapes that Richard and Sal found. Here's my rundown from that day:
Disgusting Traditions In The Balkans. 05/18/11. 6:50am
Howard said he had a clip from the Balkans where women put fish in their vaginas and let them die overnight and then they put them in their husband's coffee the next day. Howard said Robin was laughing but this is something she'll end up doing some day. Robin said they don't do that today. That has to be something from the past. Howard played another clip where they talked about what they do during child birth in the Balkans. Howard said it sounds like everything was with the penis and breasts over there. They used all of these things as tools. Howard said they think that they could ward off evil forces with all of that.
Howard said he loves this woman in the clip. She was talking about all of these things with a heavy accent. She talked about guys jerking off into the fields to help the crops grow. She said that women would rub their vaginas and put the juices on their kid's faces to protect them from evil forces. Howard said that's disgusting. He said that's bullshit and they're just freaks. He said if his mom did that to him he'd freak out. Howard did an impression of his mom talking about rubbing her pussy juices on his face. He had her talking about rubbing his dad's ball cheese on him too. then he had his mom making him a sandwich out of that ball cheese.
Howard played more of this woman talking about the Balkans stuff. She had more stories about the strange things they did over there. Howard did more of his mom's impression talking about the pussy juice.
Howard said there are a lot of strange traditions and old folk tales that made them do this stuff. He said he knew a woman who would kiss her baby's penis. He said he had to take a break after that. Robin said she can't wait to get Arnold's illegitimate son on the couch there. Howard said that should happen soon. He said they have ZsaZsa Gabor's husband calling in today. He said that should be interesting.
Howard said he knows women who cheat on their husbands and everyone is out cheating. He said he knows tons of people who are cheating. Howard said he knows a guy who has a secret love child and all of this stuff. He said they all keep it a secret and pay the people off. Howard said it's crazy stuff. Robin said this kid Arnold had is going to be one resentful kid. Howard said he should have gotten a divorce and spared the wife from this. They went to break a short time later.
- Gary's Dinner Party - April 30, 2007. 05/27/15. 10:00am
Next on Mammary Lane Jon and Gary introduced a segment where Artie called out Howard for being rude at Gary's dinner party. Here's my rundown from that day:
Howard Left Gary's Party Early! 04/30/07. 7:40am
Robin asked Howard if it was true that he walked out of Gary's party early. Howard said he had enough and left. He said that Beth told him that's why she loves him. Howard said he left at 6 to get to Gary's house in Greenwich, Connecticut. He said the cocktail hour lasted an hour and a half because Artie was running late. Artie got lost on his way there and he apologized for that but it was only 15 minutes. Dinner started at around 8:20 instead of 7. Artie was supposed to be there at 7 but he didn't get there until 5 minutes to 8. Artie said he never said that he was only 15 minutes late though.
Artie said that he left at 6:30 and it took him a little longer than he thought it was. He also said that when he got there he got a tour of Gary's house because he wanted to see it before they ate. Howard said he didn't eat much before dinner and just wanted to eat. He said the first three courses were fish and the final one was meat but he doesn't eat meat so he ended up leaving. It was 9:30 by that time so he just got up and left because he was so tired. He also said that he was seated next to Tom Chiusano so that was putting him to sleep.
Artie said that Howard was there with friends and he should have just hung out. Howard said he was just too tired and he's not sure how those guys can stay up so late. He said Robin wasn't even able to get herself to Gary's house. Artie said that he missed out on the great deserts that Mary made but Howard said she actually packed them up and he was eating them in his car on the way home. Artie thought that was pretty funny. He said he got there on time unlike some others there. He told Robin she would have left early as well if she had shown up.
Gary said there was a point when it got oddly uncomfortable. He said Howard got up while they were putting down the final course. He said Howard was calling out Beth's name trying to get her out there so they could leave. Howard said torture would have been easier than that thing. Artie said the rest of them just hung out talking until after midnight, it was supposed to be a party. Howard said he ran four and a half miles that afternoon and had a bunch of other things going on that day. He said he was very tired that night.
Artie told Howard he was wrong for leaving when he did. Howard said he didn't do anything wrong and he was very tired. He complained about the meal and how slow it was to come out there. Artie admitted he was wrong for showing up late but he also thinks that Howard was wrong for leaving early in the middle of a meal. Robin said she didn't show up because she didn't want to ruin the night for anyone else.
Howard claimed he was there for over 3 and a half hours but Gary said he wasn't there for more than 3 hours. Robin said that they really should get stuff done in less time than that. Howard said that Beth also fell asleep in the car and she was happy that they left when they did. He said she told him that she was tired as well. She thought the serving of the meal was very slow. Artie said he had to wait for Mary's desert at least because she made it herself. Robin started going off on Howard about leaving early so Howard went off on her because she didn't show up just because she had a tickle in her throat.
Howard said that his parents never stayed at parties more than an hour. He said he learned from them and he thinks that Artie and the rest of the guys staying so late was rude. Artie said they were having a great time talking though. Gary said that Fred and his wife didn't leave until 10:40. Howard wondered how Ronnie ended up getting invited to that dinner. Gary said he's part of the mix there. Howard thought he should have invited someone like Doug Goodstein to the dinner but Gary said he hangs out with Ronnie and he's closer to him than some of the other guys.
Robin blamed not showing up because she knew that Howard would have gotten sick from her if she had shown up. She was putting all of the blame on him. Howard said his day has to come to an end at some point and he just couldn't stay there any longer. Gary said that they were done with dinner by 10 so he could have stayed another 20 minutes. Howard said they weren't done and they still had desert going. Howard said he was really tired too so he had to get out of there.
Howard said that people are shitheads. If you say to people that you're starting your party at 7 o'clock, they should be there at 7. He said it doesn't mean 7:30 or 8 o'clock. Artie said he knows that it was wrong of him to show up so late. Fred said that if the party had been one hour earlier, it would have been perfect. Artie thought it was actually perfect the way it was. It was a great Saturday night party for him. Howard said that's the heroin addict in him talking. Howard complained about the way the chef was presenting the stuff to them before serving it when he just wanted to eat. Gary said the guy is a master chef and there really aren't that many of them in the world. This guy, Jean Louis, was very good. Howard said he didn't have a complaint about the food, it was very good, it was just slow coming out.
Howard kept goofing on Robin for not coming to the party because of the tickle in her throat. She was picking on him about things he did so he turned it around on her. Howard took a call from a guy who thinks that Richard and Sal should be pissed because Robin's seat could have been theirs.
Artie said that Howard really interrupted the party because Mary had to say goodbye to Howard and Beth and Ronnie had to make a call to the driver to get him to pick them up. Howard didn't seem to care. Gary said it was kind of funny when Howard was standing in the foyer yelling for Beth. Howard said he didn't know that the house was echoing so much. Artie said he was about a foot from them screaming! Howard told Gary that maybe he should get some more furniture in the house to cut down on the echo. He said he actually had a great time that evening.
Today's Mammary Lane was over around 11:05am.
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