- Vacation Replay Show - Day 5. 03/23/18. 7:00am
Howard is on vacation again this week. Below is a list of what they played on today's replay show.
- Stern Family Food Stories - June 19, 2017. 03/23/18. 7:00am
First up on today's vacation replay show they played a segment where Howard talked about some family food stories. Here's my rundown from that day:
Howard's Coffee And Dad's Ordering. 06/19/17. 7:00am
Howard started the show talking about the ''Hey Ya'' song and wondering what happened to those guys. Howard said he just drank his Dunkin Donuts coffee but he increased the size of it. He said he got so hot he had to take off his sweater. He asked Gary what they call that size coffee. Jason said it's a medium. Howard said it's black with no sugar or milk. He said that his dad always said that wasn't coffee, that was milk. He said his parents would get so angry over coffee. He said he can't break their pattern. Robin said he should be the end of that. Howard said he's angry about coffee too. He said Beth's mom and aunt stayed with them for a few days and Beth's mom said she puts sugar in it. He said he told her that's candy. He said then she's not a coffee drinker. Howard said this is only because that's how his father carried on. Robin said that's like saying people shouldn't have mixed drinks. Howard said it only applies to coffee. He said his parents would be vicious about it. Robin said he hasn't fallen far from the tree. Howard said it's a curse. He said he wants to be different so he goes to a shrink. He said he's trying to break it.
Howard said he asked his dad about having it with lunch. He has 4 cups with lunch and nothing in the morning. Howard was doing impressions of his mom and dad talking about why they do that. Howard said it's fucking hysterical. He said he tries to find out how big the cup is but he can't get an answer. Howard said he can't hear him so he says ''What!?'' when he asks. Robin asked if they go to the same place to get it. Howard said it depends. He said that his mom will get up and go get it for his dad. He said his sister wonders why she waits on him like he's a little kid. Howard said at Thanksgiving she'll get up and get him his portion. Howard said he just sits there and waits. Howard said sometimes she'll wait to see if he'll get up on his own but he doesn't so she has to. Howard said his dad used to make the money in the family so she'd wait on him hand and foot. Howard said he asked her about it once and she doesn't mind it. He said she likes it. Robin said she has nothing else to do. Howard said his dad doesn't have anything to do either. He said you'd think he'd take it over.
Howard said these days the dads are busy holding the baby and no one is waiting on them. Howard said no one waits on him. He said he'll even serve his dad sometimes. He said his penis shrinks another 3 inches when he serves his dad. Robin said if you're doing it out of love then your penis shouldn't shrink. Howard said his dad was a good dude so why not. Howard said he's not going to let him starve to death.
Howard said he's not sure how they got into this. Robin said he was talking about his coffee. He said he was having small cups but he wanted to try a bigger one. Howard said he's not going to put milk in it though. He said his dad would freak out about that. He said it's drinking milk if you do that. He said his dad would go off on people about that. Robin said they're going to put every Barista out of business if they did that. Howard said they don't care about that. Howard said his dad is so hung up on that.
Howard said his mom would talk about going somewhere different and his dad would freak out. He wants to get the same thing. He did an impression of them talking about that. Howard said his dad would go ape shit if his mom wanted to look at the menu at a place they go to every week. Howard said he would tell his dad he wasn't going to look at the menu and just order what he ordered. Howard said his dad just wanted everyone to be perfect. He said his mom would fuck everything up and his dad would freak out. Howard said they'd ask what his mom wanted and his dad would be prepared to order. He said it was such pressure. He said his mom would go first and order two appetizers. Howard said happy father's day by the way.
Howard said his dad's head would explode when his mom would place her order. Howard said his dad would freak out and correct her. Howard said she'd get yelled at afterward. He said he'd lecture them in the car about how to order. He said you have to order your salad, entree and dessert. Howard did his impression of Ben placing his order. Howard said then he'd tell him to order even though his sister should have gone next. Howard said he would place his order and his dad would look at him like he was doing it all wrong. He said he'd correct his mom about her order.
Howard said his dad would tell them that they had to do it order or they'd mess up what they were writing. Howard said it bothered him that they were out of order. Howard said he's not sure why he cared. Robin said it seems like a lot ado about nothing. Howard said there was a lot of that.
Howard said his dad had never been to a restaurant in his life until he met his mom. He said his mom taught him everything and then he overtook her. Howard said it wasn't enjoyable going. Howard said it was like the world depended on it. He said if the world was out of order it was like a nuclear bomb would go off.
Robin asked if Ben likes restaurants that only serve one thing a day. Howard said he would. Howard said they used to go to a place called Vebrocks where they had chicken. Howard said this was Kentucky Fried Chicken before it was KFC. Howard said they weren't like a franchise yet. He said they would order this stuff and it was the same thing every time. Howard said his dad would order the same meal every time and he wanted them to all get the same thing. Howard said his mom would want eggs for dinner but he made her get chicken.
Howard said his dad found out about the KFC connection and then he read in the paper they were going public. He said he was going to double down and buy the stock. Howard said his mother asked who buys stock in chicken. Howard said his dad knew it was going to be huge. Howard said he didn't buy the stock. Robin said that's another time the ship passed them by. Howard said then KFC exploded and they would drive by and his dad would talk about how he was going to buy that stock. He said his mother wondered who buys chicken. Howard said she'd tell him he could have bought it if he wanted it. Howard said it was every minute with that KFC stock.
Howard said now he's the retirement fund. He said everyone is on the take now. He said that's why he has to show up to work every day. He said he should be retired but he has to help everyone out.
Cosby Trial And Kittens. 06/19/17. 7:20am
Howard asked if Robin can believe that Bill Cosby. Robin said she can not. Howard said this is why the cops have to kill the person when something goes down. Howard said he's said this forever. He said when you put someone in a suit in a court room they get off. Howard said this thing was a mistrial. He said now you can't shoot anyone.
Howard said they managed to find 12 people who had never heard of what was going on with Cosby. He said imagine who those people are. Robin said he admitted to giving pills to women. Howard said after they announced the mistrial there was carrying on. Howard said you would have thought that Jell-O called and offered him a job. Howard said he's not innocent based on this. He said that the jurors were just deadlocked. Robin said that means some people wanted to convict him and someone didn't want to. Howard said he's sure if he called Gary or Wendy about this that they'd be able to make up their mind.
Howard said Cosby was leaving his trial and he was doing his Fat Albert voice. Howard played the clip of him doing that and said he's just a weirdo. Howard said he can't wait until they interview the jury. Howard said then Cosby has some PR person who came out and read a statement by his wife Camille. Howard said here's a clip of a woman reading that statement. Howard played that clip and the statement was criticizing the judge and the prosector. Howard said that's a good idea because the judge is the one who is going to decide if there's going to be another trial. Howard said this PR person isn't speaking the King's English. The woman was yelling like it was her own statement. Howard said just go home with your husband. Robin said just keep your mouth shut like she did during the whole marriage.
Howard had another clip of a PR guy saying that Cosby's power is back. Howard played that clip and said they were bringing up this Huey Newton guy who had to fight for his rights. He said this isn't like that. Howard played that clip and goofed on the things the guy was saying. The guy said that his legacy didn't go anywhere. The guy also told Gloria Allred to go back to class. Howard said they all think he got his power back from this. He said everyone is crowing. He said just shut up. Robin said the prosecution wants another trial. Howard said just don't make a statement. He said they're lucky. He said some fucking moron on the jury couldn't figure it out. Howard said that was kind of weird.
Howard said everything seems kind of dark and angry in our world. Howard said the only wholesome thing that happened was their mommy kitten gave birth yesterday. He said it was fucking awesome. Robin said she thought he was going to talk about Jay Z and Beyonce. Howard said no one cares about that. Howard said they video taped the birth of the kittens. Howard said they're carrying on about Beyonce. He said he honestly doesn't give a fuck. Robin said they make such a big deal about the celebrity stuff like that. Robin said they were also carrying on about Jessica Chastain getting married. Howard said he didn't know that. Robin said no one was making a big deal out of it. Howard said she was good in that ''Hurt Locker'' movie. Robin said no one was even talking about her wedding and she was telling people to stop distributing pictures because they were going to put out their own.
Howard said they had babies in the house and he thought he was going to miss the birth. He said he was getting ready to go back to the city and he saw two of them. He said there were two more. Robin said they don't look like cats when they're born. Howard said it was awesome. They video recorded all of it. Howard said it was really moving. He said it was really cool to see. He said the cat knew what to do. He said they were being cleaned and being born and the mom was eating the placenta and all of that. Robin wondered why humans don't know what to do. Howard said he felt bad when the kitten was kind of crying when the baby was coming out. He said that they just know what to do. He said that's what his mom should have done. He said she should have eaten the placenta and licked him clean.
Howard asked Jeff the Drunk who is on the show today. He had a clip of Jeff saying they have Seth Rogen coming in today. Then he smoked some weed and coughed like he was dying. Howard said Jeff is at his best when he's choking on his won phlegm.
Howard said Cosby thinks he's innocent now. Howard said he just got away with something so quiet down. He said be smart about it and just quiet down. Howard said it's unbelievable.
Howard Takes Some Calls. 06/19/17. 7:35am
Howard took a call from a caller named Vivacious Black. She calls herself Queen of All Blacks too. Howard said that she's from Georgia. Vivacious said that she thinks this Cosby thing is because they don't like to convict a famous person. Howard said he's not sure it's even that. Howard said juries are full of people who feel bad for other people. Howard let Vivacious go after that. Howard said she had nothing to say. He said if you have nothing to say then hang up.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was on a trial for child molestation and it was 6 weeks and a no brainier for him. He said there was one woman who felt sorry for this guy and didn't want to convict him. He said she didn't want to believe that it happened. He said they were sequestered and they were out of work for 6 weeks. He said that he wanted to convince her. He said there was no way he was going to let this woman off the hook. He said they had to do a prayer circle to convince her. He said it was just one person.
Howard said you see someone sitting there and think they can't hurt a fly. Howard said people think they can't do it to a person because they don't want to send someone off to prison for their life. Howard said a lot of times cops used to just shoot a guy. He said they know that the trial isn't going to work. Howard said the jury system is fine except for these idiots who can't get their shit together.
Robin said everyone lies in the court. she said that it's all about whose lies you're going to believe.
The caller told Howard more about the case he was involved with and how he tried to convince that woman the guy was guilty. The guy said that he finally convinced her. Howard said he has to go. The caller was starting to tell the story again so Howard had to let him go.
Howard said he has to take a break. He said they have Seth Rogen coming in later. They went to break a short time later.
- Bobo's Penis - July 17, 2017. 03/23/18. 7:40am
Next on today's vacation replay show they played a segment where Bobo told Howard about an accident he had with his penis. Here's my rundown from that day:
July Birthdays. 07/17/17. 9:15am
After the break Howard came right back from break and said he has to talk to Beth about something. He said they have a deck but the doors were open and the air conditioning was on in the room. He said he has to turn it off himself. Howard said he gets upset about it because the idea is to cool the room off a little bit. Howard said it would be like heating the pool in the winter. He said he makes a good living but he hates to waste money. Robin asked if the room is cut off to the other rooms. Howard said no. Robin said she's not sure how you keep everything air conditioned and not air condition that area. Howard said he wants it figured out today.
Howard said it was his wife's birthday and she doesn't like a fuss about her birthday. He said he was going to throw her a party but she said don't do it. Howard said he can tell she just doesn't want a party. He said he thinks she'd like it but she doesn't want a fuss made. Howard said he took her at her word. Howard said he made a fuss about her birthday and bought her gifts. Howard said she offered him sex. Howard said he didn't even have to ask.
Howard said Fred had a birthday while they were away too. He said that's July 9. He asked how old he is. Fred said he's 62. Howard one person was celebrating. Howard said it was Angry Alice. Howard had a voicemail from her wishing Fred a happy birthday.
Howard said he doesn't like the in love Alice. He likes her when she's angry. Robin said she's glad they heard from her. Howard said he doesn't like it when she's nice like that. Howard said it's so transparent. Howard said he could woo her too. Howard said he wants funny though. He wants her angry. Howard said she forced out an Arriva derce. Robin said she was worried about her. she wondered where she has been. Howard said he doesn't know.
Howard said he has some audio from Fred's birthday party. He played a clip of what sounded like a horror movie. Howard had a song the guys made using clips of Fred making noises on his mic. Howard wished Fred a happy birthday after that. Howard said that song was everything Fred has said in the past year.
Howard said most of the songs that come in are about Robin. He said no one else gets a sex song parody. He said this one is about Fred's penis. Howard played the song which was about Fred's dick. Howard asked how that is. Fred said it's not bad.
Howard said it's true that most of the songs are about Robin's tits. Robin asked if Gary and Baba Booey songs are being made. Howard said no.
A Bobo Update. 07/17/17. 9:20am
Howard said he was driving around in his car over the weekend and they were replaying the Bobo shaming and things like that. Howard said he's back to being Bobo now. Howard took a call from Bobo and asked how it feels. Bobo said that it feels great and Stern Nation has welcomed him with open arms. Howard laughed and said he doesn't know about that. Howard played a Little Mikey song parody about Bobo getting his name back.
Howard said he was listening to the walk of shame thing. He said he loved the Steve from Florida name. He said they got a lot of email about the walk of shame. Howard read some of the email where fans were talking about the walk of shame and seeing Bobo out on the street. Howard read about what people were saying about his dick and how small it looked that day he was out there. Bobo claims he's about 7 inches. He said that he gets 7 or 8 hard. Howard said that's such a lie. Howard said next time he's there he's going to have a hot chick measure him. Bobo said ''Oh no...'' He said he can't do it. Gary said that he guys were saying it would have to be an amazing growth to be 7 inches. Bobo said he's never had any complaints.
Howard asked if he had any cock at all. Jason said he did have a cock. Howard said most of his bulge was balls. Howard said he guarantees he doesn't go up to 7 inches. Bobo said it's an easy 7 inches. Howard asked how big it is. Bobo said it's around 7 easy. Howard asked if he measured it from the base of his cock. Bobo said it was from the base. Howard asked if he can take away his Bobo name again if he's not 7 inches. Bobo said he's never had any complaints from the women he's been with.
Howard took a call from the guys in the back who were calling in as Bobo's penis. Bobo's penis said he's not even close to 7 inches. He said he's maybe an inch on a good day.
Howard asked Jason if he saw his penis. Jason said he did when he was changing. He said it wasn't a button but it wasn't large. He said his penis was really bent and very flaccid when it was bent. He said it went hard left. Howard asked if he broke his penis. Bobo said he did once. He said he thought he broke it. He said he popped out and then he slammed it down and he had excruciating pain. He said that he didn't take notice about the crooked part. Jason said it looks like an L shape.
Bobo's penis said he has scoliosis. He said he looks like a boxer's nose. Jason said if he has 7 inches he shouldn't be slipping out of a girl. Howard said one of the guys said his penis turns like an L. Bobo said it's not like that at all. Jason said he did see a curved dick. Howard let Bobo's penis go after that. Howard said maybe he'll become a regular character.
Robin said she loves how Bobo said ''In the head of passion'' when he broke his penis. Bobo said he hated to say that seatbelts are for losers during the walk of shame. Howard said they don't have to recap the whole thing.
Howard read more email about Bobo. He had some negative stuff. Bobo thought most of the hate went away. Bobo said he has to get his name verified on Twitter. Howard said he did have some song parodies come in about Bobo. Howard played one of those.
Howard let Bobo go after that. Howard said you can only stay on the phone with him so long before you get annoyed. Robin said when he starts reading his statements it gets annoying. Howard said Bobo thinks that he's good on the show. Howard said they make him good.
Howard said they're going to put out an album of song parodies about Steve from Florida. Howard played a bit they created with those songs. They had a bunch of quick clips of songs about Steve from Florida. They went to break after that.
- Evil Dave Game - May 2, 2017. 03/23/18. 8:00am
Next on today's vacation replay show they played an Evil Dave game with a caller. Here's my rundown from that day:
The Evil Dave Knowledge Game. 05/02/17. 9:20am
After the break Howard came right back and said he didn't even pee during the break because he wanted to get back to the audience.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he could play the time Evil David Letterman called the gay bath house. Howard asked the caller, Ken, if he wants to win a sound system from SV Sound. Ken said he has never played any of his games. Howard said he has an Evil Dave game to play. Ken was up for it. Howard said he'll play the game and then he'll play the call. He said maybe he can play the call first. Howard said this is Evil Dave calling the gay bath house. In that phony phone call Sal called a gay bath house as Vinnie Favale making an appointment for Dave to come in for a visit. They had Evil Dave talk to the guy there asking creepy questions and making the guy laugh.
Howard said that is a good one. He said they have a wonderful show. Howard said the guy who plays Dave is named Dave. He said they met him as a David Letterman impersonator but he met him and it just turns out he sounds like Letterman. He's not even doing an impersonation. He said then they started working with him and he was really good at messing up lines. Howard said he has an example of that. Howard played a clip of Evil Dave messing up a line they asked him to read. Dave kept screwing up saying buried alive instead of being ''burned alive'' like he was asked to say. Howard said that Will is amazing in that clip. He said it sounds like he wanted to jump out a window. Will said a 10 line script will take over an hour to record. Howard played another clip of Dave trying to pronounce fellatio. He kept saying it in every way other than the right way.
Howard said they once tried to get Dave to pronounce the name of the Boston Bomber. Howard played that clip and Dave kept getting it wrong over and over. Howard said he felt bad for Dave when David Letterman retired. Howard said he still has to have him on once in a while.
Howard said now that Ken is an expert on Evil Dave they're going to play a game for a SV Sound system that's worth $999.99. Howard said he's going to explain how the game works now. He said he's going to ask Evil Dave some questions about basic knowledge. The caller has to guess if he'll know it or not. Ken said he's a smart guy. Howard said Ken is a smart guy.
Howard said they asked Evil Dave about Bill Gates being the CEO of what company. Ken said he thinks Dave will know the answer. Howard played the clip of Dave saying ''Apple.'' Howard said this was just a test question.
Howard said they asked Evil Dave where on the body is the cornea. Ken said he doesn't even know that. Howard said it's part of the eye. Ken said Dave will not know this one. Howard said he's surprised Ken doesn't know it. Howard asked what kind of education he has. Ken said he read a lot of books about music and went to art school for some courses. Ken said he's going to change and say he knows it. Ken quickly changed back to he doesn't know it. Howard played Dave's answer which was ''Stomach.''
Howard said they asked Evil Dave how many sides are on an Octagon. Howard asked if Ken knows. Ken said 6 or 7. Howard said it's octo so the number is there. He said it's 8. Ken didn't know. Howard said he should read about math and not about music. Howard said music is a hobby. Howard asked what his answer is. Ken said no way Dave will know. Howard played Dave's answer which was ''Eight.'' He was right, Ken was wrong.
Howard said they asked Evil Dave to spell cemetery. Howard asked Ken if he can spell it. Ken said he is the worst speller so no. Howard said he won't even attempt it. Ken said ''SEM...'' Howard gave up. Howard spelled it for him. Howard asked Ken what his answer is. Ken said he will not know. Howard played Dave's answer which was ''CMMENTARY.'' Robin said he's as bad a speller as Beetlejuice. Howard asked if Ken can believe what an idiot Dave is. Ken said he does have a talent.
Howard said they asked Evil Dave to spell ''necessary.'' Howard asked Ken to spell it. He started to spell it ''NESS...'' and Fred played the buzzer. Howard asked Ken what he says. Ken said no way. Howard played Dave's answer which was ''NECESSARY.'' Howard said that is completely correct. Howard said it's unbelievable that it comes down to 2 wrong and 2 right. Howard said that's amazing he was able to spell that one.
Howard said they asked Evil Dave how many senators are elected from each state. Howard asked Ken if he knows. Ken asked if it's 2. Howard said that's right. Ken said he thinks Dave will know this one. Ken said if he's wrong maybe he'll play another game in the future. Howard played Dave's answer which was ''One.''
Ken lost the game. Robin said she thought he won. Howard said everyone is confused. Howard said after all that he lost. Howard said he's sorry. Ken was fine and said maybe another time he'll play another game. Howard said he hopes so. He said he likes Ken. He said any time he's under a tent in Los Angeles he can come visit him. Howard said it's never good when the contestant knows less than the game. Howard wrapped up the game and went to break.
- Kid Rock - October 24, 2017. 03/23/18. 8:30am
Next on today's vacation replay show they played a Kid Rock interview. Here's my rundown from that day:
Kid Rock Visits. 10/24/17. 8:55am
After the break they played a song parody that Mariann from Brooklyn sang for Cocktober, a phony phone call the guys made to an internet radio show with Gary the Conqueror clips, a ''Ultimate Duets with Asian Pete and Fred the Elephant Boy'' commercial parody and James Brown's ''Papa's Got a Brand New Bag,'' ''The Ronnie Mund School of Dating Etiquette'' commercial parody and a song parody about Benjy.
Howard came back and said he has Kid Rock there. Howard said his album ''Sweet Southern Sugar'' will be available on November 3. Howard said he's not sure when he saw him last. Kid said it was before he was ''racist.'' He said nothing was happening until he said he was running for senate. Kid said when he said ''maybe'' then everyone said he was a Klan wizard and all of that.
Howard said Kid doesn't care what any gay person does. He said he's not homophobic. Kid said he's got that mixed up with racist. Howard said he came up doing rap music and he's not racist. Howard said he had a confederate flag in his act so maybe it's that. Kid said he has thought about that. He said Howard is the only interview he's doing. He said he's going to announce his new record in a second. He said that's why people come here. Kid said he had notes but he lost them.
Kid said that he understands the narrative with Colin Kaepernick. He said that he gets that. He said he tried it with the confederate flag. He said he likes southern rock music and he's against the PC culture so he's a rebel and he won an NAACP award. He said now they don't get his narrative now.
Howard asked if he's running for senate. Kid said he's going to say what he's doing today. Howard said before he does that he wants to know if it's weird to get political as a musician. Kid said it's the worst advice he ever gave himself. He said it's the most creative thing he's ever done though. He said he has seen everyone's true colors after all of this.
Howard said they should make some news. Howard said the senator from Michigan is Debbie Stabenow so is he going to run against her. Kid said he had notes about this to read today and he lost them. He said he had them like 2 weeks ago. Robin said he's already screwing up.
Howard asked Kid what he's saying today. Kid said he has so many people supporting him. He said he's getting letters from all over the world. Howard said Governor Patacki endorsed him. Howard said he said he's the exact candidate we need. Kid said ''fuck no'' he's not running for senate. He said he's releasing an album in November and he's going on tour. He said he's not running.
Kid said that someone said he was running and he just said they should get some signs made. He said everyone gets their panties in a bunch over that. He said he had people calling and asking if it was really happening. He said they were on the in and they knew it wasn't.
Howard said he was running for governor of New York and he was going up in the polls. He said there was no way he wanted to be governor. He said he had to get out of it. Howard said he doesn't think Trump wanted this or needs it. Kid said Trump is the fucking shit. Howard said he likes him personally but he doesn't think he's into it as President. Kid said that he and his friends talk about it and they wonder about his narrative.
Howard asked what happened when he went to the White House. Kid asked who wouldn't go. He said he played Obama's inauguration. He said he didn't vote for him but he played. He said that he wasn't allowed to play for Bush. Kid said he just went to do the Obama thing.
Howard asked if he has met 5 presidents. Kid said he has. He said he and his friends are all blown away by that. Howard said he saw him on TV with Ted Nugent. He said he was together with Sarah Palin. Kid said they were invited by Sarah Palin. He said he doesn't care who the president is, he's going to go.
Howard asked if he called Ted and asked what to wear. Kid said he wore this sweater actually. He said he struggled with that a little bit. He said he wasn't sure if he should wear a suit.
Howard asked if he travels with Ted. Kid said he has his own jet. He said Ted came from Texas. Howard asked if Sarah met them at the White House. Kid said he had never met her before. He said he was super excited. Kid said that she's very pretty. Howard asked why he wasn't going to say that. Kid said he knows he's going to ask about his dick.
Kid told Howard that he's such a great interviewer. He said that when Chris Robinson was on the show and said he didn't want to be part of the music business he agreed. He said he doesn't want to be on TV or be interviewed. Howard said he must be having a great life. Kid said he can't believe how much money he has. He said he's shocked that he's where he is. Howard said he grew up in Michigan and the odds of being a rock star is a billion to one. Kid said his parents are still married and he has a nice family. He said it pisses people off. He said he was in a middle class family and he didn't come from an awful place. He said he wanted to be black like every other white kid when he was young.
Howard asked what happened when he got booed at the game he was at. Kid said there were people booing him but half of the place was applauding him. He said that it's the left wing media that spins it that way. Kid asked if Howard really thinks that's going on. Howard said he gets very upset when he hears people knocking the New York Times. He said that this paper going away would be a big blow to us. He said our free press is the greatest thing in the world. Kid agreed with him on that. Howard said that the news outlets have their agendas on both sides. Howard said he loves watching it all. Kid said if Howard had boobs and hair plugs he'd marry him.
Howard said he's all over the place. Howard said Kid is a happy guy and he's a grandfather at 46. Kid said it keeps his street cred or Hillbilly redneck in check.
Kid said he told Eminem's manager the other night that he didn't want to get divided by this booing and cheering thing. He said that he has people thinking that he's running for senate. He said he isn't but he might if the left wing keeps fucking with him. He said he will run and go to DC and beat the living shit out of people up on the hill. Howard said he just announced he's not running and now he might run. Howard said he has to concentrate on music.
Howard asked if Kid ever ran for office in high school. Kid said no fucking way. He said he was voted class clown.
Kid asked about his pinkie tattoo. Howard said it's the Ohm signal. He said that he got a tattoo. Then Kid saw another one. Howard said he has a bunch. Robin said she has 3. Kid said he has a bunch too. Howard said he saw that Justin Bieber just got his whole chest tattooed. He said that might be too much.
Howard said he had Robert Plant on the other day and Kid Rock was on the Kennedy Center Honors. Howard said Kid came out and sang ''Ramble On.'' Howard asked how great that was to do. Kid said they thought he was just a dumb rapper. Howard asked if he was nervous singing one of their songs in front of them. Kid said he wanted to take away from what he was going to do so he wore an outfit to take the attention away. Kid said he was practicing a lot with that song. He sang some for Howard. He said he's a rocker. Kid said they asked what he was going to wear when they saw him in his outfit. He said they thought he should wear a sport coat or something but he said no way that's happening. He said he was getting ready to go on and he asked this girl to get out of there and go to a bar. He said he was ready to leave. Kid said she told him he was so sweet and it turned out that it was Caroline Kennedy. He said he still wore his t-shirt on stage.
Howard asked if he had to get drunk for that. Kid said no way. He said he's only gotten drunk 2 or 3 times before work. He said he works his ass off. He said he does a lot of shit like singing to himself in the mirror and things like that. He said he's not the most talented person on earth and he has to practice. He said that's why he's done with the music business.
Howard said he makes a good point. He said that he has a hard job. Kid said that Howard and Robin are so great and he listens to him religiously. He said he doesn't want to hear what anyone has to say unless they're on Howard's show. He said he might be tickling his balls a bit. He said that's why he's coming on the show now. He said he fought to get in there 20 years ago. He said this is why he's there now. He said he will do an interview with Dan Rather too. He said he can pick and choose now that he's rich.
Howard said he loves how honest he is. He said the music business is a young person's game. Kid said he doesn't want to meet anyone. Robin asked if there's any joy. Kid said there is with the money. He said he hopefully will get to just go out and play without having to suck balls at radio stations. He said he'd love to be like John Mellencamp or Tom Petty some day. Howard said he saw Springsteen's show on Broadway and it was so great.
Howard said he heard a story about Kid and Joe Perry. Howard said Joe and Steven Tyler were feuding and he heard that Joe called Kid Rock to come in and do some tunes together. Kid said he just wanted to fuck with Tyler. Howard said he heard he told him he isn't his bitch and he didn't want to do it. Kid asked how he hears this shit. Howard said he hears it through the grapevine. Kid said he ribs Tyler now. He said he asks him about doing American Idol. He said no one wants to do that. Kid said he tries to put the shoes on the other feet. He said he'd be a great life coach. He said if working with Joe would be good he would have done it. He said he's not going to fuck with that.
Howard asked Kid about writing music and if he writes with anyone else. Kid said not really. He said he likes to work by himself. He said he starts making music and he writes down his thoughts. He said that he doesn't like people telling him how to do things. He said that he had someone tell him to slow one song down and he didn't want to do it. He did it and 6 months later he hears why the guy asked him to do that.
Howard said that Kid played at the show that Soundgarden played right before Chris Cornell killed himself. Kid said he cant make sense of that. He said that he's doing a tour and he's only going to be playing on Fridays and Saturdays. He said he's been watching all of these guys and Googling the average age of a pop star being 40. He said he beat it by 6. He said this shit will kill you. He said he's trying to take care of his band and his family. He said that he has so much money he's not sure what to do with it. Howard said he has been very philanthropic. Howard said he raises money for charity. Howard asked if he really has that much money. Kid said he has tons. Howard asked if he has a 100 million. Kid wasn't saying. He was just smiling according to Howard.
Howard said last time he saw Kid he was charging 10 bucks for tickets. Kid said he's going to write a book some day and expose all of this stuff. He said he has a profit sharing thing that he does. He said if he gets to a certain number he gives based on what goes into his pocket. He said that's how he pays his band. He said he tries to pass the savings on to his band. Kid said that he was making more money doing it that way because it was easy to sell tickets. He said they were selling 16,000 a night. He said they didn't let the rich mother fuckers buy the tickets in the front row.
Kid said that the night to go see a show is on a Friday or Saturday so that's why he's doing that. He said he's not charging a lot and he can still make money.
Howard asked if he still has the Kid Rock cruise. Kid said that is bananas. He said if you ever want to see America then come on the cruise. He said he takes like 10 bands on the cruise with him. He said that the bands are better than him.
Howard said he wasn't done with the question about the guys who kill themselves. Howard asked if it's the pressure. Kid said he will never understand. He said his cousin killed himself when he was young. He said he has a song on the new record about it. He said he thinks we all feel like that at some point. He said that with kids you're going through puberty and all. He said he will never understand what happened to Chester Bennington or Chris Cornell. He said he can't even fathom that. He said it seems so selfish to him. He said at the same point he's trying to be open minded. He said he's fine with gay people marrying each other but he will never understand Bruce Jenner. Howard said he's not hurting him and that's his life. Howard said this is what he wants to do. Howard said he's not threatened by that. Kid said he's not either. He said he just doesn't understand it. Howard said he doesn't have that compulsion so of course not. Robin said he feels fine in that body.
Howard said he looks at Kid's life and he was married to Pam Anderson twice. Kid said he just sold that house and it was the best 2 million he lost. Howard said that was a crazy part of his life. Kid said he's going to say how much he loves his fiancee at this time. Howard said Kid seemed kind of miserable back then with Pam. Kid said he thought he was doing what he was supposed to do in his career. He said that he thought it was like the play book for being a celebrity. He said he got to the end of that book and he thought it sucked. He said he wasn't happy doing that. He said Tom Petty is dead at 66 and he can't believe that. He said he was one of the best ever. He said he's not doing this shit anymore. He said he has to say no at some point.
Howard said he has worked his whole life to get to this point and he can make a ton of money. Howard said having time at home with his family is the best. Kid said he's waiting for his granddaughter to stop being afraid of him. Howard told him to sing The Name Game with her. Howard demonstrated the song for Kid. He said kids are scared of him too but then he sings and they're fine. Kid said he's not going to force it. He said that she's fine after 30 minutes or so.
Howard said Kid has sold more than 26 million albums. Howard asked if he's in the rock and roll hall of fame. Kid said he's not but he's eligible. He said he gets to induct people but they don't put him in. Howard said he thinks he deserves to be in. Howard asked if he gives a shit. Kid said not at all. He said he has everything he needs. He said he has his own plane. Howard said look at you.
Kid said he was saying this last might. He said he had a house in Malibu that was 12 million. He said he hated the house. He said he sold it and bought the airplane. He said he kind of got the house because of... Howard said ''Pam.'' Kid said people say there's nothing better than pussy but that plane is better. He asked if Howard flies commercial. Howard said no. Howard asked why the plane is better. Kid said he will live in his double wide in Alabama and sell everything but that plane. He said he will get rid of everything but that plane. Howard asked if he took it there to New York. Kid said he did. He said he has several pilots. He said there is nothing bigger than a plane. He said it costs like 60 grand to fly back and forth.
Howard asked how often he flies on that plane. Kid said that his passion was to make his life easy. He said if someone is doing something the hard way he'll tell them. He said he's not going to the fucking airport. He said he'll take his friends out to fly to dinner. He said he has a lot of problems and money and pussy aren't one of them.
Howard asked kid about being engaged. Kid said he's 46 so he has to grow up at some point. He said Robin can call him Senator Rock.
Howard said that Kid became friends with Robert O'Neill. Kid said he had dinner with him last night. He said to say hello. He said Megyn Kelly did too. Howard said Robert is the guy who put 3 bullets in Osama bin Laden's head. Howard asked how they became friends. Kid said his neighbor in Florida is on FOX News. He said that he's not sure how much he can give away. Kid said everyone is listening. Kid said it's through his neighbor. He said he has a big American flag on his garage down there. He said the neighbors aren't sure if he can do that. He said Robert was walking by the house and his neighbors didn't want to bother him. Howard asked where in Florida he lives. Kid said in Jupiter. He said his neighbor is Steve Ducy. He said he's the one who introduced them.
Howard asked what they talk about when they get together. Kid said all sorts of shit that he can't talk about. Howard asked if it's classified stuff. Kid said he would never tell him anything classified. Kid said he was in his wedding. He said they hit it off. Kid said that if Howard had him over for dinner he'd be his friend too. Howard said he's scared of him. Kid said he gets why Kimmel is getting political. He said Megyn Kelly is doing a show now and it's the left wing media keeping her from doing well. Howard said it's jut not the right fit for her. Howard said it has nothing to do with the left wing media.
Howard asked if Kid sang at Robert O'Neill's wedding. He said he did sing but he was drunk and wasn't really performing. He said that he's a sucker for that stuff.
Howard asked what they were talking about. Kid said his tour and album. Howard said he was going to say to him about politics that other than Al Franken he doesn't think that people in entertainment should be politicians. Howard said it's like what Kid said. He said life is short and if you have a lot of money you don't want to work hard for that job. Kid said he struggles with the fact that maybe he hasn't served his country enough. He said he has spent time with these guys and gals around the world and he wonders what he's actually done. He said that he has a jet and a shitload of money. He said he might want to try to make this country better. Kid said after he's done with the Klan he'd like to serve his country. Howard said he came out against the Nazis and he's for gay rights and health care. Howard said he's not a fan of abortion but he thinks that they have the right to an abortion. Howard said he's liberal in some ways. Howard told him to sit home and enjoy his life.
Howard said he has to talk about his new album. Howard said stop with being a senator. Howard said the album is called ''Sweet Southern Sugar.'' Howard said it's coming out November 3. Howard said he's not running for Senate.
Kid asked Howard what kind of money he's made from Sirius. Howard said he's not talking about that. Kid said it has to be a shit ton of cash.
Howard asked if Kid is the sheriff of a town. Kid said he was interviewed about the FBI about that. He said this guy was trying to raise money for body armor and they had to go through a class to train to get a concealed weapon. He said that he thought the guy was putting money in his pocket. He said that's who they're investigating. Howard said he wasn't even asking about that. Howard said he had no knowledge of that. Kid said this is why he's not doing any other interviews.
Howard said he heard he carries a badge and a gun there in the town. Kid said he has the sirens and stuff on his cars. He said if he does multiple shows he has a siren in his care that gets people out of his way. He said he did some shows near his house and he used to get a police escort. He said they slow you down so he does it himself now.
Howard said he hates getting his picture taken. He said if he looked like John Stamos he'd do it all day. Kid said if he looked like Brad Pitt he'd be doing that all day long. Howard said he hates having his taken. Kid said he doesn't take a good one either. Kid said when he got notoriety he would be out and someone would ask for a picture. He said they'd ask but then they didn't have a camera on them. Then they'd get the instamatic. He said now it's so easy they'll take it from 20 yards away as a selfie. Kid said that people will ask to buy you a drink but you know they just want to take pictures. He said he'll turn that down.
Howard asked how long he wrote this album. He asked how many songs are on it. Kid didn't know. He said he thinks there's 12. Howard said the album is called ''Sweet Southern Sugar.'' Howard was going to play a song but he asked why he's still making music. Kid asked why he's still doing radio. Howard said he likes doing the show and when he does a good one and people like it it's a good feeling. Kid said he thinks he just likes winning. Howard said he will answer his question when he leaves.
Howard said he's going to play ''The Greatest Show on Earth.'' Howard played the song and said that's rockin' still. Howard said he likes it. Howard asked if the show is his live show. Kid said it is. Kid said that he says ''suck my dick'' in just about every song so he can't get his songs played on radio. Howard played some of his song ''Po Dunk'' after that. Howard said he likes this one too. He said he's singing along already. He said the hook is everything. Kid said as the years go by you start listening to the lyrics. He said he didn't know that Led Zeppelin was singing about cool shit.
Howard said Ronnie the Limo Driver is a big fan of his. He said he's getting the 90 year old guys. Kid said he's close.
Howard played a song called ''Tennessee Mountain.'' Kid said he has a double wide out there on a mountain top. Howard asked how many houses he has. He said he has 3 in Michigan alone. Howard said he has like 10 houses. Howard asked if he flies to them all. Kid said he flies to dinner with friends. He said no one is going to say no to that.
Howard asked who is at the house in Tennessee today. Kid said his fiancee is out there hunting deer. Howard said he could never kill a deer. Howard said he doesn't eat meat. Kid said when he comes to his house he's eating some meat. Howard said he'll throw him out of that house.
Howard played his song ''Tennessee Mountain.'' Kid said he's got a good album. Howard agreed and said he has to go out and promote. Kid said he's not going to do that. He's going on Megyn Kelly's show but she's a friend. He said he won't even perform on shows anymore. He said come out to see his show to see him perform.
Howard said Kid Rock's new album is available on November 3. Howard said Kid is doing albums and going out and performing. Kid asked how many times he's been on the show. Howard said he's not sure. He said maybe 5 or 6. Kid said it has to be more than that.
Howard said Kid should stick to rock and forget the senator thing. Howard said his tour kicks off in January in Nashville. Howard said he should play his classic stuff. Kid said he'll sneak in some of the new stuff. Robin said that she went to see McCartney recently and he sneaks stuff in and knows that people are going to use the bathroom during that. Howard said you can get tour dates and all of that at KidRock.com. He wrapped up and went to break after that.
- Erika The Eiffel Tower Lover - March 13, 2017. 03/23/18. 9:40am
Next on today's vacation replay show they played a segment where Howard talked about a woman who married the Eiffel tower. Here's my rundown from that day:
Howard Working Out Again. 03/13/17. 8:55am
After the break they played Crackhead Bob singing ''Had a Bad Day'' and Gary the Conqueror and Big Foot being pranked. They also played Tommy James and the Shondells ''Crimson and Clover'' as they were coming back.
Howard came back and said that Robin knows right where to come in on that song. Fred was playing some clips of Robin along with that song.
Howard said yesterday he didn't make a doody the whole day. He said he likes that. Robin said he makes doody every day? Howard said no but he thinks he's cut back on his food consumption when he doesn't go. Howard said he's been running and exercising again. He said he has given up the idea of being ripped and hot but he would like to get rid of this belly fat lump. He said it's fat and he has to get down to about 90 pounds to get rid of it. He said he used to feel like he was going to pass out when he'd work out to get rid of it. Robin said J.B. Smoove said that you don't have to be naked hot. You have to be underwear hot. Robin said you have to look good in your underwear. Howard said he doesn't even look good in his underwear.
Howard said he has a set up at home that shows him at all angles. He said he thinks the lighting is bad. He said he brought in a guy who does lighting on movie sets to make him look better. He said the light is too harsh.
Robin asked Howard who gave him this myth about what he should look like. Howard said it's not a myth. Howard said he sees the male models in the John Varvatos catalog and that's what he's supposed to look like. Howard said if he had looked like that there would have been no stopping him. He said he just wants to walk the runway. Robin said he could do that. Howard said if John Varvatos put out a newsletter of people who look like monsters wearing John Varvatos that's what he could be in. Howard said it's crazy how he can dress in nice clothes and still look like himself.
Robin said this carrying on about the way to look is ridiculous. Howard said that there is no convincing him. He said he has a look with the curly hair and sunglasses. He said he does the best he can. Howard said he sees the pictures from his daughter's wedding and he looks really bad. Howard said Robin was there. Robin said he looked great. Howard said he doesn't look great in the pictures. Howard said even John Varvatos knows he doesn't look good. Howard said he wore his stuff on America's Got Talent and the guy made him pay full price. Howard said most designers want celebrities to wear their clothes and give them away for free. Howard said not with him. Howard said Howie Mandel got some Varvatos clothes but he was told no for the free stuff too. Howard said he had one designer pay him not to wear his clothes. Robin said he's lying about that.
Erica Eiffel Documentary Clips. 03/13/17. 9:05am
Howard said he has a lot of stuff to play. Robin said she watched a documentary on Roger Ebert. Robin said it was amazing. Howard said he saw that and it was really good. Robin said he was a really interesting guy. Howard said he liked Roger. Robin said he had quite a life and the love story with him and his wife was amazing.
Howard said there's a story about a woman who married the Eiffel Tower. Howard said this chick is pretty hot. Howard said she's not a bad looking woman. Howard said she is odd though. He said she's in love with inanimate objects. Howard said she was dating the Berlin Wall for a while. Howard said he has some clips from that documentary.
JD came in and told Howard that she's an Objectivesexual. He said that she was dating the Berlin Wall because they wanted her to stay away from the Eiffel tower. Howard said he has a clip of her straddling the Eiffel tower one day. Howard played that clip and she was talking about the heat of her body going into that. Howard said if JD hadn't met him he'd be doing the same thing.
Howard played another clip of this woman Erica Eiffel talking about her love for the Berlin Wall. She moved from the United States to be closer to the Berlin Wall. She said that she felt that the wall needed love. Howard asked how she makes a living. Howard said he couldn't afford to live in Berlin. JD said she was an Olympic fencer. Robin said she was an Archer, not a fencer. Robin said she thought the wall was torn down. Howard told her to hold on. She's thinking ahead too far.
Howard played another clip of Erica Eiffel talking about how she doesn't get into detail about making love to objects. Howard said he's sure that Ronnie could figure out how that works. Fred did his impression of Ronnie for a few seconds.
JD said this woman makes smaller versions of the objects and sleeps with them. JD said he's seen a bunch of these movies and they are the only ones willing to go on camera.
Howard said Erica got permission to be in a watch tower for the wall. Howard played a clip from this special where she talked about sleeping in the watch tower and how she was going to be cold in there. She said it was very special because it's a once in a lifetime experience. She said that it's something that's condoned too so that's very unusual.
Howard took a call from the Holland Tunnel who said he's getting a vibe from this woman. He said he's hung and he has all the stuff she wants. Howard said he heard that the Statue of Liberty has a tight pussy. The tunnel said he's heard the same thing.
Robin said that this Erica woman thinks the Eiffel Tower is a woman but the wall is a man. Howard had the Berlin Wall on the phone. He took the call and the Berlin Wall was upset about this woman being in love with him.
Howard played another clip of Erica Eiffel talking about sleeping in the Berlin Wall watch tower. She said she was able to open up to him.
Howard asked Robin which landmark she would want to be with if she was forced to do it. Robin had to think for a minute. She said maybe the statue of Arthur Ashe. Howard said good for her. Robin said she did think of David but she would do the Arthur Ashe. Robin said she's not sure what she would do but he has his hand out in a way that she could rub on. Howard asked if she would do Mt. Rushmore. Robin laughed.
Howard asked if he played Yucko at Comic-Con. Robin said she thinks they did play that. Howard said he must have. Robin said she remembers that one. Howard said maybe he did.
New Phony Phone Call. 03/13/17. 9:15am
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was listening to Lithium the other day after Howard mentioned it. He said he also heard this band Highly Suspect. Howard asked if that was his band but hung up before he could answer. Howard said these guys think he doesn't know what they're trying to do.
Howard said he has a new phony phone call to a Swap Shop show. Howard said they try to sell some stuff. Howard played the call and Richard called looking for Jizz Mopping work. Then they had another guy call in asking for the Jizz Mopper's number. Sal called in trying to sell some mushroom tip tube steak and stuff like that. Then Richard called in asking for the number for that. The host said whenever it rains they get calls like that. Howard said he didn't know they had listeners on that show but someone called in and complained about Richard and Sal calling in. Howard played the clip of the guy going off on them for making those calls. The caller and the host of the show were saying that Donald Trump loves Howard Stern. They were going off on Howard for letting his staff doing stuff like this. Howard said this guy is some snitch. He said that he didn't know they had crossover fans like that.
Howard said Sal believes in god but in a rudimentary way. Gary asked if he thinks Sal is affected by that. Howard said sure he is. Gary said Sal has a bunch of people he won't prank because of religious reasons. He said he won't prank nuns or priests or anyone in religion. Sal said none of this is true. He said he's not upset about the comments or anything like that. Howard said he knows Sal is affected. Sal said he has a ton of calls he's made to religious shows. Gary asked if he's the one who made them. Sal said of course he did. Howard said he heard he gets upset that someone thanks god. Sal said he hates the guy who said ''Thank the fuck Christ.'' He said he doesn't like that.
Howard said the guy on the phone of that Swap Shop show was better than the host. Howard said he should host his own show. Howard said he had to take a break after that.
- Ronnie's Sex Toy Review - November 6, 2017. 03/23/18. 10:10am
Next on today's vacation replay show they played a segment where Howard talked to Ronnie about some sex toys. Here's my rundown from that day:
Howard Still Unsure About Retirement. 11/06/17. 7:35am
After the break Howard came right back and said he was thinking about how much time he has left on his contract. He said it's like 3 more years. He said that's got to be it. He asked if Fred is okay to leave in 3 years. Fred said if Howard is done he's done. Howard said he always says he's done but then he's never done. He said he really doesn't know himself even thoguh he's in therapy. He said you'd think Robin or Fred would know better when his time is up. Robin said maybe he knows. Howard said he doesn't know. He said that he isn't sure why that is.
Howard said that he's miserable when he's there and then his contract is up and he's asked what he wants to do. He said he'll talk about it and before he knows it he's signing up again. He said they say maybe he should sign up for a year but then Sirius will say they don't want to go year to year because he's not that great. Fred said he is that great. Howard said so is Fred.
Howard said he will probably be one of those guys like Imus who will be 97 and still be on the air. Fred asked how he feels about Letterman retiring and then going away. Howard said he doesn't think Letterman was ready to give up his show. He said they did it nicely but he thinks they kind of shoved him out. He said he thinks Dave didn't want to compete with young guys and he wanted to go and preserve his legacy. Howard said Dave does want to work. He said that he's doing something he wants to do. He said Dave is going to try out six shows and put a lot of work into them. Howard said Seinfeld thinks he's nuts for wanting to continue. He said Jerry thinks he stopped working but he's out on the road doing comedy almost every night. Fred said he may be working more. Howard said Jerry didn't retire. He said that he has talked to him and he has talked to Steve Martin too. Howard said they're two of his heroes. He said that he has talked to people and gotten no insight from anyone.
Howard said the thing is that they're very blessed and they have a loyal audience. Howard said he doesn't know what to think. Robin said it's 3 years away. Robin asked if anyone is even talking about it. Howard said no and they better not.
The Two Sides Of Ronnie. 11/06/17. 7:45am
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what the hell is wrong with Ronnie. He said he thinks he's crazy. Howard said there is no character behind Ronnie. He said he met him back when he was at WNBC. He said that goes back like 30 years or something. Gary said it's more. He said he's going to say it was in 1985. He said that's 32 years ago. Howard said he met Ronnie back then and he found him to be so kooky. He said that he had written him a letter and he ended up driving him. He said he got this hand written note from Ronnie about how he wanted to work for him. He said it was like Luca Brasi in The Godfather. Howard said it was a simpleton writing it. Howard said his agent was able to convince NBC to get him a driver and when he was looking for one so many were too expensive. He said that Ronnie was reasonable. He said he wasn't looking to gouge. Howard said his agent told him that he found this Ronnie guy and that was the guy who sent him that letter. Howard said when he found out about the price difference he went with him. He said that he had to go with Ronnie but that's the reason why.
Howard said the letter Ronnie sent had all the charm of a ransom note. Howard said he got to know Ronnie and there are two different Ronnies. He said one is reasonable and almost enlightened. Howard said that he makes sense. Howard said the other Ronnie is retarded. He said he's the sexed up guy. Howard said he's sexed up too but Ronnie is on another level. Howard said Ronnie is as sexed up as a 16 year old boy. He said for years he kept him in the car and he was rarely on the show. Howard said back in the Sam Kinison days he got into a fight with Ronnie and that was great. Howard said Ronnie drove for the Today Show too so he was part time for a while. Howard said he wasn't just his driver.
Howard said every once in a blue moon he'd hear Ronnie was complaining about not getting appearances and stuff. Howard said about 15 years ago they started to go to strip clubs a lot and Ronnie became the king of strip clubs and he became friends with Lonnie. Howard said Ronnie became almost an owner of Scores. Robin said he was given a business card. Howard said he was in charge of finding girls and stuff. Howard said it gave him a lot of confidence. Howard said at the same time he wanted to give him a job doing security so he'd have a full time job with them. Howard said he gave him air time and this stripper thing was going on. Howard said then Twitter came around and gave him his own voice. The caller said now he's in a Sandler movie. Howard said he just created a horny monster. Howard said the girls were into his connection with the show and all of that. He said now it's Ronnie at his worst.
Howard said Ronnie has this attitude toward everyone that's angry and bitter. He said he's that way with everyone. Howard said he's not sure why that is. He said he's seen people go up to Ronnie and say good morning and he won't answer them. Howard said it's fucking crazy. He said that Ronnie does worship him and he tries to be like him on occasion. Fred did an impression of Ronnie saying good morning to someone saying ''Good morning cunt face!'' Howard said that he and Ronnie have a great time talking but when he's sexed up, forget it.
Howard said Ronnie has no talent and he knows that but then he doesn't know it. Gary said Ronnie is yelling at the radio out there.
Howard said he's like a star now and he has the young girlfriend or fiancee. Howard said in his world he thinks he's doing her a favor. The caller was talking about the movie Ronnie did with Sandler and how he had to do 8 takes. Howard said Ronnie can come in.
Howard said he'll give a Ronnie's sex toy review too. Howard asked Ronnie what he has wrong. Ronnie said he doesn't get it. He asked what he's talking about. He said he did his thing and what's the big deal. Howard said he's just talking about his relationship with him. Ronnie asked why. He asked where this came from. Howard said the caller, Ken, brought it up and he was talking about his relationship and how he's a mass of contradictions. Howard asked how many times he's tweeted today. Ronnie said 5 or 6 times. Howard said there are a lot of sides of Ronnie. Howard asked how he can argue wit that. Ronnie said he doesn't get it. Howard said in any world where he has a 35 year old girlfriend he'd worship her. Howard said Ronnie thinks he's doing her a favor. Ronnie said he doesn't make it like that. Robin asked how long he's been with her. Ronnie said almost 11 years. Ken asked if they have figured out why he loves her. Howard said they know why but they don't know why she loves him.
Howard said he told Ronnie that this is how they got into talking about him. Howard said the caller said he's like a Wack Packer. Ronnie said he's not like a Wack Packer. the caller said he is wacky and that's it. Ronnie said that doesn't make him a Wack Packer. Howard said that Eric the Actor also claimed he wasn't a Wack Packer.
Howard said they get a lot of sex toys and stuff like that to test out there. Howard said they didn't know what to do with it all so they asked Ronnie to test them out. Howard said they asked him to do reviews for the products. Howard said this one is for a cock extender. Howard said he wishes they could show a picture of it. Howard said they can probably put it up on HowardStern.com. Ronnie said he didn't want to bring it back because he had to wash it out and everything. Howard said it's a device you put on your cock to make your cock bigger. Ronnie said it's more about the girth than the length. Howard said it's really dirty looking.
Howard played the clip of Ronnie describing the sex toy. Ronnie said it's called the Fat Boy Sport Stretchy Cock Extender. Ronnie said it's to make you have a horse cock. Ronnie said it feels great for the guy but if the girl doesn't have a wide pussy then it's hard to jam it in. Ronnie said it felt so good that he blew a load into the thing and Stephanie never got off. Ronnie said he gave it a 4 out of 5 cock ring review.
Howard asked if he was able to fuck her with it. Ronnie said it was too thick. He said he didn't even want to hurt her. He said that he didn't use it on her. He said he didn't want to stretch her out. Howard said he thinks they snap back. Ronnie said he doesn't think so. He said that some of these girls get opened up so much you could drive a car in there. Howard said he doesn't think that's possible. Ronnie said he does. He said that they get stretched out. Howard said it closes up to its original size. Ronnie said on the outside maybe but on the inside it gets stretched out. He said he's been with girls who were stretched out. He said the feeling isn't as good.
Howard said he thinks it's after a woman has a baby that it gets fucked up. Ronnie said they stitch it up. Howard said if a baby can get through there then it gets stretched. Ronnie said that's just once. He said if you have a giant cock going in there multiple times a week it won't. Howard said this is what he talks to Ronnie about in the car. Howard asked if it gets loose down there. Ronnie said he was watching a porn thing on Twitter and this girl was doing anal and taking it from Lexington Steele. He said her asshole was so big that he could have stuck his hand in there without any lube. He said it looked like a big hole in the ground. He said it was crazy. Howard said it goes back eventually. Ronnie said he's seen pictures and when they do a lot of anal you can see a big hole. Howard said he'd like to get a medical opinion on that.
Howard said if what Ronnie is saying is true then the girls must not have any muscle control down there so they have to wear a diaper. Ronnie said that he thinks they still have muscle control. Howard said he's not sure that Ronnie is right about the stretching. Ronnie said you can see how big the hole is in there. He said it's stretched out.
Howard asked Ronnie about this cock thing that he tested. Ronnie said on the inside of it there are grips that grab your cock. Howard said you get pleasure from those things. Ronnie said it was like he was fucking that thing. He said then all of a sudden he blew his load in it. He said it was like a giant scum bag. He said the thing is really thick. Howard said he didn't want to stretch Stephanie out with it. Ronnie said wait until he hears the new one he just tested last week.
Howard asked what he does with his balls when he tries this thing out. Ronnie said they stay there. He said this other thing he tested next is awesome. Howard told him not to ruin it.
Howard asked if he's saying this stretchy cock thing is good. Ronnie said it's good. He said it depends on the girl's pussy if you can get it in or not. Ronnie said it's a giant cylinder. He said it's like a fucking horse cock. Howard asked if he felt like a real man with it on. Ronnie said it was too thick and heavy on the cock too. Ronnie said you have to hold it. Howard said this was on Oprah's favorite things list too. The caller laughed. Howard said Robin ordered a case of them for Christmas.
Ronnie said that he had to wash the thing out so he didn't want to bring it back. He said it says it's dishwasher safe so you can clean it in there. Robin said that's disgusting. Howard played a song parody about Ronnie. They also played a clip of Ronnie talking about how to stay young by fucking young chicks. He said he's going to be like ''Yoo Hoo Hefner'' in that clip.
Howard said Ronnie says he never mentions age anymore but he did mention he's 68 in that clip. Ronnie said he doesn't like birthdays. Howard said Ronnie's sex tip was to fuck a young girl but most guys can't just do that. Ronnie said stay in shape and maybe you can. Howard said you also have to be on the Howard Stern Show.
Robin said she missed some of that clip. She asked who she was giving that advice to. Howard said it was sex tips for seniors. Howard said according to Ronnie all of the old people should be fucking young people and no young people should be fucking young people.
Howard let Ken go and took a call from another caller who said he's a doctor. He was calling in to give some information about the growing vagina and anus. He said they're muscles so repetitive use can stretch them over time. He said that they do go back to normal after time though. He said they have done studies where they found that some of the tightness can be reduced. He said it's very minimal. He said it's got to be very repetitive to stretch it. He said if a woman has 10 kids who were 10 pounds the tone and structure will be reduced.
Robin asked if anything can be done with that. The caller said that with the anus you can't but there is a vaginal-plasty to bring the muscles back together. Howard did his Ronnie impression and said this guy is his kind of doctor. Howard let the guy go after that.
Howard was still in his Ronnie voice and talking about the stretched out stuff. Fred was doing his impression too. Ronnie said when you see these girls in the pornos then you see how they get stretched.
Ronnie asked Robin if she has had a big cock before. Robin said she did have a very large one and it hurt. She said that it didn't work for her. Ronnie asked if she was able to take the whole thing. Robin said no. Howard said the guy probably got a good 7 inches in there. Robin laughed and said he's funny. Robin said the guy was very large down there but the guy wasn't very big. She said she did have to try it out. Howard asked if she got 75 percent of him in there. Robin said she's not sure it was even that much. Ronnie said he's not sure how these girls take it.
Howard said he has a woman on the phone who had a vaginal rejuvenation. Howard took the call and the caller, Amy, said that over the years she had children and you lose moisture down there. She said she has only had two kids. Howard had to let Ronnie go do something so he played him out with a song parody.
Howard got back to Amy and asked what she was saying. Amy said you can get stretched out and it doesn't go back. She said the rejuvenation brings back collagen and moisture. She said that it's not the tightness but the moisture that she wanted to bring back. She said that you go back to having an 18 year old vagina. She said it's a good thing. Howard asked if her husband likes it better. She said it's been the most amazing thing. Howard asked if she's hot. Amy said she's alright. Howard said he's wondering how they bring back the moisture. Amy said she's also a yoga instructor. Howard said he's never seen an ugly Yoga instructor. Howard said she must be hot. She said she'd give them a private yoga instruction if they ever want. Howard thanked her and let her go.
Howard said he has George Takei on the phone and he says he got stretched out down there. Howard had Sour Shoes as George on the line talking about how his asshole is like a hoola hoop. Howard said here is hope for him. He said they might be able to fix that in a few years. Howard said he really has to take a break. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
Today's show was over around 11:00am.