- Friday Replay Show. 09/22/17. 7:00am
Here's what they played on today's replay show:
- Rob Schneider. 09/22/17. 7:00am
First up on today's replay show they played the Rob Schneider interview from this week. Here's my rundown:
Rob Schneider Visits. 09/20/17. 8:55am
After the break they played a song parody about Bobo. They played a phony phone call the guys made to an internet radio show where they were trying to cheer up the host with clips of Ronnie as a clown. They played a song parody about JD and his dirty sheets. They played Van Halen's ''Hot for Teacher'' and a ''Salute to Teachers'' bit where they played school porn clips. They played Billy Joel performing ''Summer, Highland Falls'' at the Billy Joel Town Hall. They also played a ''Al Queda'' commercial parody.
Howard came back and said that Rob Schneider is there. He said Rob is in the greatest movie ever made ''Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo.'' Howard said he can't figure out his microphone over there. He said they changed his board around. He said if he storms out he'll understand.
Howard said he's not bullshitting about Deuce Bigalow. He said that it's so funny. Rob said they had a good time on that. Howard asked Rob about going to do stand up and if people want him to do that character. Rob said they do yell stuff out from the movie. He said he tries to just keep going.
Howard asked if he likes doing stand up. Rob said he does. He said he hated it when he has rough nights but then you have good nights and it's great. He said he started out in the early 80s. He said he started when he was like 17.
Howard said he wants to go through this with him. Rob said his dad had comedy albums and he was interested in that. Rob said he has a 4 year old and he plays music for her and she ends up liking it. He said of course she does because he likes it. Howard said his dad never had anything he listened to. He said his mom had show tunes.
Rob said that his dad would go out in San Francisco to comedy shows. Howard asked if Rob grew up out there. Rob said he did. He said he heard about this club in town and Robin Williams was out there. He said Robin was such a supernova that they'd open clubs just based on him. Rob said thank god for Robin. He said Robin did the Nanu, Nanu thing and they used to make fun of him for that. He said he had 60 million people watch him on the first season finale of the show (Mork & Mindy).
Howard said that it was remarkable to Rob that he had that. Howard asked if he was jealous of him. Rob said with comedians it's like ''how dare you get famous.'' He said how dare they not hang out and have pizza at 4 in the morning. Rob said that when Robin would show up the place would get packed. He said he'd do 2 hours and then the people would leave. He said that he was electric. He said if it wasn't going good he'd switch it up quickly.
Howard asked if he was working in the club. Rob said he was the bartender and they only served beer so it was an easy job. He said he was there to do his material and get laid. Howard said he didn't have a big act. Rob said he didn't even know what to do. Howard asked if he got intimidated. Rob said he did. He said Robin had this thing that was a blessing and a curse so he had to live up to this comic genius thing.
Howard asked if Robin ever bombed. Rob said he never saw it if he did. He said he had to work to under deliver. He said the audience was ready for him. He said he was making movies and TV. He said he had already done stand up specials and stuff. Howard asked if he had success right away. Rob said Robin was so great that he came out to see him do his Netflix special. He almost said HBO. Rob said he's sorry about that. He said he's on Netflix and thank you Netflix.
Rob said Robin Williams was so great because he'd say nice things about you to make you feel good. He said he came out to see him perform at this Netflix special he was recording. He said he had this bit he did that he thought was perfect. He said Robin came up with a better ending. He said he told him how to do it and he was right. Howard said that's very generous.
Howard asked if he was close to Robin. Rob said he wasn't. He said he was a guy who was in his orbit and he was just around him.
Howard asked Rob about coming up in the business and if these other guys were inspirations to him. Rob said they were. He said that Robin made it huge and then they had people like Dana Carvey and guys like that. He said he learned a lot from Dana. He said he was known as a comedian in San Francisco. He said he'd do impressions and weave them into every day life. He said he was electric. He said Dana was like an athlete. Rob said that Dana would come in and do this act and they'd stand back watching thinking they can't do what he does.
Howard said it has to be intimidating to be there. Rob said all of those guys are generous. He said that they have their talent and they're not afraid to help. Rob said he had a guy managing Dana, Paula Poundstone, him and some other guys.
Rob said they had booked Jay Leno in a club and he was asked to pick Jay up as his driver. He said that his manager told him he'd absorb something from Jay just watching him. He said Jay was big back then. He said he had a sign he held up for Jay and he was waiting for him in the airport. He said he didn't talk or anything. He said he just brought him to the radio station and the gig. He said Jay asked him to bring him to a Chinese restaurant. He said he went to eat and Jay talked to him at the restaurant. He said Jay asked how many minutes he had. He said he had about 8. He said Jay talked to him about that and for the next six months he worked on 5 minutes because that's what he told him to do.
Rob said Jerry Seinfeld was in town too so he got to know more about him. He said he had been on the Tonight Show like 42 times. Rob said that Jerry said take out the dirty words and if the joke is still funny then it's a good joke. Howard said he's still like that.
Howard said Jay told him to do the 5 minutes and kill and that's all you need when you get on TV. Rob said that Jay told him you only need 20 minutes to become a star. Rob said that none of the guys who he came up with had more than 20. He said he was right. That's all you need.
Rob said that he had a killer 20 minutes but that was it. He said none of them could do 45. Howard asked if he remembers any of it. Rob said he remembers some of it. He said he had a joke about the word ''dude'' and how it has many meanings like the word Aloha. He said he did that On Letterman and that was part of his 5 minutes.
Howard said Rob got on Letterman. He asked if he was a nervous wreck. Rob said he was nervous. He said Dennis Miller was here with him and he was a big help. Rob said that his manager told him to say no to Letterman's people and then they ended up calling him over and over. He said this was back in the 80s. Howard said it must have killed him to say no. Rob said his manager told him to do that. Howard said he thinks that Billy Crystal had a story like that. He said sometimes if you say no they want you more.
Howard said Rob must have been crushed. Rob said that 6 months later he was better so it was good that he waited. Howard asked if he wasn't so nervous after that. Rob said it was before they mic'd the crowd. He said he went out there and did his thing. He said it looks huge on TV but it's just 8 feet away that Dave is sitting. Rob said he did a joke and only Dave was laughing. He said he looked kind of weird so he just let them hear Dave laugh. He said the second joke the only person laughing was Dave. He said Dave was genuinely laughing and then the audience got into it and he murdered the rest of the act.
Howard asked if Dave was nice to him. Rob said Dave told him they had been trying to get him on the show for 6 months. Rob said he knew it meant a lot to him though.
Howard said Dave had him on recently and he sicks to the story that he sucked at stand up. Rob said the time Dave put into the late night show was great and you can see the time they put into it. He said that he respects the time too much to say he was a great stand up.
Rob said that the travel sucks but Chris Rock talked him into going back into it. Howard said he thinks that Rob ran into Chris after Saturday Night Live and he was back into stand up and what did he say to him. Rob said that Chris wasn't packing them in at the club but his act was really good. He said he was feeling like he wished it was packed. He said Chris knew he was about to blow up. Rob said there's so much delusion in the industry that he just hoped he was right. He said Chris told him this new act was going to blow up and he was right. Rob said he saw some of the act and where it was going and it was good. He said Chris isn't just up there getting laughs. He said he's trying to change people's position. He said Louis C.K. is like that too. He said he's very helpful with him as well.
Howard asked if Rob thinks the Chris Rock thing was the best or one of the best stand up specials out there. Rob said it was right up there in the top 3 or so. He said that you die waiting for someone to say the stuff he says. Howard said he just watched some of it the other night. Howard asked how he did that. He said he wasn't a great stand up and then that happened. Rob said that he made the leap. He said he had some truth to his stuff. He said Pryor was so deadly honest about himself. He said he shot a car and he came out talking about that. He said that he did a joke about the cops coming out and how the cops don't shoot cars, they shoot nig-ars.
Howard said that he used to get jealous of radio guys who got jobs in big markets. He said that must be what it's like for a stand up seeing these other guys. Rob said that you have to become selective and pick out the parts that you like and figure out what it is. He said you have to dissect it. He said he's at the point now where he loves it. Howard said Jerry Seinfeld loves going out on stage still. Rob said it's like surfing in a sense. He said that it's like riding a wave. He said you get the perfect one and you'll never have it again.
Rob said Louis C.K. had a great show and he's so honest and open. He said he went back stage and thanked him because that's the goal they all have to get to. He said he wants to try to do that. He said he saw Louis the next night and it was amazing but not quite as good. He said that it wasn't at the same level. He said Louis saw it coming and he kept that in his head.
Howard asked if Rob opened up for the band Dead or Alive. Rob said he did. He said he was into that kind of music back in the day. He said their fans were really rough. He said they thought those kids were going to love him. Howard asked if that's the toughest gig for a comic. Rob said it is. He said you're in the way of their heroes. Rob said he got hit in the head with a quarter. He said he almost lost his eye. He said he stayed up there and then a shot glass flew by his head. He said he was done after that. He said they told him it wasn't working out after that.
Howard said there's a theme with his history. He said when Lorne Michaels found him for Saturday Night Live they found him in a club and he told them to fuck off. Rob said that he was at the Improv in L.A. and Lorne was there. He said he had that club and he knew he had a monster 10 minutes. He said he was nervous out there though. He said this guy up before him was singing and stuff. He said he went out and did his act where he did the dude bit. He said he just walked out. He said he didn't even want to talk to Lorne. He said the next day Lorne wanted to meet with him. He said he had a gig in San Diego and if he wants to meet him he can fly him to New York. Rob said he broke out in a sweat wondering if he just blew his career. He said they actually flew him to New York after that. He said he was the only guy they did that for. Rob said that Lorne hired him as a writer.
Howard said they teamed Rob up with David Spade. Rob said this was in the 89-90 season and they said they were a writing team even though they weren't. He said that Spade wasn't his partner though. He said that he loves David and they've worked things out. Howard said David came in there and talked about that. Rob said his daughter Elle King has Spade as her godfather. Howard said David accused Rob of stealing a sketch. Rob said that there are only a couple of ways that could have gone. He said maybe he forgot to put his name on the sketch or maybe it never happened. He said maybe Spade made it up or he was looking for credit for everything. Rob said that he asked David what happened. He said David said he was jealous. He said it hit for him though. He said that he hit with the copy machine guy before Spade hit. Rob said he gave Sandler a sketch without a line and he was upset about that. He said you have to have lines or you get fired.
Howard said that Rob said that Spade could put it in his book. Rob said that he's sure he could have put other stuff in the book too. Howard said it sounds like you're constantly paranoid in this job. Rob said you are.
Rob said Judd Apatow and Adam Sandler were living together in L.A. and he went and slept on their couch. He said that none of them were getting work until Sandler got a job in a movie. He said they were jealous of that.
Howard asked if he was asked to do the Roseanne show. Rob said Roseanne was a genius and he wrote for her. He said that she wrote him in as a character but then he took Saturday Night Live. He said that it was his dream to be on Saturday Night Live and he had to do it. Rob said that guys like Eddie Murphy became superstars from the show.
Rob said that he's happy that Saturday Night Live has had a resurgence. Howard said it's amazing that they're still going. He said it's great.
Howard asked Rob if he took acting lessons. Rob said he did take some. He said he went out to L.A. and crashed his car on the way there. He said that a truck driver pulled him out of that. Rob said he went to buy a car with $300 and drove down for this audition he was going on. He said he had no acting experience and he was a mess. He was auditioning for a Dan Aykroyd movie. He said he was all sweaty with a leather jacket on. He said he just went and read the script and the woman wasn't smiling. He said he didn't get the job so his manager talked to Garry Shandling and he suggested going to this great guy who taught acting. Rob said he hit a pedestrian when he was on his way there. He said he rolled through a stop sign and this guy just yelled at him and kept walking.
Howard asked if the acting class was the one that Brad Pitt was in. Rob said it was. He said Sharon Stone was there too. He said he met David Spade in that calls too. He said Elizabeth Shue was here too. He said Jeff Goldblum was there and so was Jim Carrey. He said all of those guys knew they were going to make it. He said Sharon was the one who had already made it but the rest of them knew they were going to make it. Rob said Roy London was this guy who taught the class and he knew he was gong to make it. He said Roy told him that.
Howard asked if he had to audition for the class. Rob said he was let in because he saw him on Letterman. Howard said Garry Shandling was a great guy for helping him out too. Howard said David Brenner doesn't get enough credit. Rob said he's one of those guys who did 142 Tonight Shows and you can't do that without great material. Howard said Robert Klein was another one. Rob said you see that in Jerry Seinfeld. He said you can tell that he was an inspiration for Seinfeld.
Howard said they've gone through the history of comedy. Rob said he still loves it. He said he wishes he had more energy for it.
Howard said Deuce Bigalow was great but then the second one came out. Rob said they just did it too fast. He said they just came up with it and figured it would be a hit. He said it's never that easy. Howard said you've got to write it ahead of time and know it kills first. Rob said you can't just make a hit. He said you always fall on your face. Rob said you have to be excited about it.
Howard said Rob has a second season of ''Real Rob'' on Netflix. Howard said he put up his own money for the first season. Rob said they did the whole series on his dime. Rob said he was out of his mind. Howard said when you produce your own show it has to cost a fortune. Rob said it was millions. He said his agent told the L.A. Times that he was nuts for putting his own money into it. He said that he wasn't on his team so he got rid of that guy. Howard said he really put his money where his mouth is.
Rob said they had a TV show on CBS and they had 11 million people watching it. He said they did the show for Netflix and they bought it. He said they bought it after watching the first 5 minutes.
Howard said Rob figured he had enough interest to do it somewhere else. Rob said he doesn't recommend paying for a show with your own money. He said they had to go out and provide the Craft Services and stuff. He said they had to do it all. He said that he had to do it and not fail. Howard said Netflix ended up buying it and he got his money back on that. Howard asked if they paid for the second season. Rob said they did. He said it was a lot more expensive. Howard said Spade and Norm Macdonald waived their fees for the first season. Rob said it was very nice. He said he had a bunch of people do that. Howard asked if they'd make another Deuce Bigalow. Rob said he doesn't want to take his shirt off at his age of 50. Howard said that would be funny. Robin said she loved the movie Big Stan too. Howard said he demands a new Deuce Bigalow.
Howard said that Rob got into a war with Roger Ebert about his movie. Rob said he did and he called Howard's show when he was on one time. Rob said that he and Roger's wife have become friends since he died. He said that he hated Roger Ebert for a while but then he realized he loved him because he found out about movies that he'd never hear about. Howard said he eviscerated him on the second Deuce movie. Rob said he heard Roger was sick and he sent him a note and thanked him for sharing his love of cinema with everyone. He said that they loved movies or hated them. He said he went to see movies because of them. Rob said that he wanted him to know he loved him.
Rob said he signed it ''Your least favorite movie star, Rob Schneider.'' He said his wife said that he loved that. Howard said that Roger said the movie Deuce Bigalow was so bad that it gave him cancer.
Howard asked if Rob is going to the shrink at all. rob said he has to go for his wife. Howard had the guys bring in his wife. He wanted to see who he's making love to. Rob said they just did that last night. Robin said this is a child. Rob said that she's in her 30s so calm down there Robin.
Howard said that Patricia is his wife. Howard said that she is Mexican. Patricia said that her parents are in L.A. but there are people she knows in Mexico City who she is worried about. Howard asked if Rob is a tough guy to be with. Patricia said he's very sweet but he's very intense. Robin asked what he gets intense about. Patricia said it's the dumbest things. She said he should get intense about some things and not about others. Rob asked what stupid things. Patricia said he will get upset if he can't find something. Howard said he looks to her as the mother. Patricia said he contains it a lot and he knows he can't blow up over some things.
Rob said that his projects are important to him and he knows they can't be important to others. Howard asked if Rob is a good lover. Patricia said that the good thing is that he's an older man and he has practice a lot.
Howard said Patricia plays Rob's wife on Real Rob too. Rob said they wrote it together. Howard asked if she wanted to play his wife on the show. Rob said he had to beg her to play her. He said she knows every dirty joke and she just absorbs everything. He said it's great with another culture because they don't see where the punch lines are coming from.
Howard asked how the writing works. Rob said they write separately. He said they have a go between who puts it all together.
Howard asked where she met Rob. Patricia said that he was a guest on her show. She said she met him in Mexico. She said she didn't want him on because he didn't speak Spanish. She said she thought he was going to bring her ratings down. She said she was a producer down there. She wasn't even on the show. Howard said Rob shows up and then what. Rob said he tried to hit on her. He said he had her come to his movie premiere for Big Stan. she said she brought a guy with her. Patricia said she didn't know he was trying to hit on her. Howard asked how they ended up as a couple. Rob said he started emailing her and asking her questions about coming out to dinner in L.A. Rob said she took like 2 weeks to get back to him. Patricia said she brought her mom on the date. Howard said that's old school. Rob said he saw her mother and it turned into a reservation for 3. Rob said that she brought a special phone with her just in case he was going to try to kill her. Patricia said that she had a whole plan for getting his mom out of there if things were going well. Rob said he worked the mom and he's still doing that. He said she's actually great and they've been married for 8 years now.
Rob said he moved her up there and she gave up her career down in Mexico. Howard said that he's excited for them. Howard said they have the marriage thing going and they have kids. Rob said that the show is based on their life but it's exaggerated.
Howard said he likes to see Rob happy. Rob said that she has saved him. Howard asked how old the kids are. Patricia said that they have a 5 year old and a 1 year old. Howard said if they had a boy his friends would come over to see her by the pool.
Howard asked Rob about President Trump and he was defending him saying he's the president and people were protesting him before he was even in office. Howard said that he made some comments about Mexicans though. Rob said that those were terrible. He said Trump can't help himself. Howard asked if the Mexicans are upset with Trump. Patricia said she thinks that they all are.
Howard wrapped up and gave Rob and Patricia some plugs for the new season of Real Rob. Howard said they have to write some nudity into the show. Howard asked if Patricia would ever appear nude. She said she wouldn't. Rob said he's not sure he'd do nudity. Howard said he wasn't looking for that. Howard said you can also check out Rob's web site RobSchneider.com.
Howard asked Rob about his feud with Seth Rogen on Twitter. Rob spent a minute talking about that and how he said something that upset Seth. He spent a minute talking about a bit he does in his act where he uses Seth's name.
Rob said that Patricia is great because she's never excited about celebrities. He said she's more excited about Property Brothers than someone like P. Diddy. Patricia said she liked some guys on America's Got Talent that Rob rented for her on her birthday. Howard said that all good things must come to an end so he wrapped up and went to break.
- Ronnie At Exotic Awards. 09/22/17. 8:15am
Next up on today's replay show they played a segment where Howard talked about Ronnie going to the Exotic Awards. Here's my rundown:
Ronnie's Voice And Richard's Baby Shower. 09/18/17. 8:35am
(Segment was edited and shortened) Howard said he saw a picture of Ronnie in Vegas smothered in strippers. Howard said it was some photo that the strip club sent. Ronnie said that picture is old. Howard said he loves chicks and all of that but at some point it looks really creepy. Howard said maybe it's time to hang that whole thing up. Ronnie said he doesn't give a shit. Howard said he looks like dirty grandpa. Ronnie said he doesn't care. Howard said he wouldn't be photographed with a bunch of 20 year olds in his lap. Howard said the strippers place themselves all over Ronnie's lap and they look real young. Howard said they're in sexual ecstasy because they're around Ronnie. Howard said you don't want a picture of that.
Howard said every guy likes looking at a beautiful young woman. Howard said you don't want to be photographed with these women around you. He said it doesn't come off well. He said he's not saying the desire isn't there. Howard said the girls can't be into Ronnie. Ronnie said he doesn't give a shit. Howard said the whole thing is dark.
Benjy said that's like trying to convince a retarded person they're retarded. Howard told him not to bring him down his vortex. Howard said every woman they know is creeped out by Ronnie. Brent said the sex tips really weird them out. Howard said that picture was so fucking crazy. Ronnie asked what picture he's talking about. Gary said that he's probably taken like 10 of them like that.
Ronnie said Brent is one to talk about this. He said that he can't talk. He said just leave him the fuck alone. JD said Ronnie wants to be buried under a stripper stage. Ronnie said he was joking about that.
Howard said he knows this is a whole new image for him. Ronnie asked what he's talking about. Robin said she loves that he's arguing about this.
Ronnie said they asked him to say ''Lets fuck some whores'' out in Vegas and he refused to do it. Howard said that's like his stairway to heaven. Fred played clips of Ronnie saying that and ''get rid of these fucking wive shits.'' Fred kept playing ''Lets fuck some whores!'' a bunch of times too.
Ronnie said last time he was hosting a pool party like 4 years ago... Howard didn't let him finish his story. He said Ronnie was wearing a bowler out in Vegas. Ronnie said he planed that whole thing himself. Howard said he had a vest on with a bowler. Howard said that he came up with that outfit. Ronnie said he liked it. He said it was a derby, not a bowler. Howard said you can check it out on HowardStern.com
Howard said Ronnie looks like Mr. Peanut in that bowler. Howard asked if Stephanie came up with that look. Ronnie said no. He said he came up with it and she liked it. He said he asked if she liked it and she said she did. Howard said he looks like Liza Minelli in Cabaret in that bowler.
Fred did his impression of Ronnie while wearing the bowler. Ronnie said he wore that when he hosted the show with Mary Carey.
Howard asked what he was trying to tell about the pool party. Ronnie said he did that ''Lets fuck some whores'' and the Hard Rock got mad at him for some reason. Howard said that he can't be yelling out to people who have their kids there. Ronnie said they got angry about it and this one guy said to him that he should do it this time. He said he didn't do it this time. Howard said he can do it at a party. He said he did it at the Christmas party. Ronnie said he didn't. Gary said he did it during Karaoke.
Howard said that ''Lets fuck some whores'' is his Stairway to Heaven. Ronnie said he retired it.
Ronnie At The Exotic Awards. 09/18/17. 9:30am
Howard said Ronnie came out at the Exotic awards and he was like an elder statesman. He came out talking about how he got into the business of strip clubs. Howard said the strippers didn't even know who he was. Howard said they didn't think it was good. Howard said they want party Ronnie.
Howard played a clip of Ronnie out in Vegas with Wolfie. Ronnie said that's a fucking weirdo. He said Stephanie asked Wolfie to come out to dinner but he went to his hotel room and locked himself in his room. He said he heard he sits and reads comic books all the time. He said he's not sure what was going on in that room. He said maybe he had a hooker in his room.
Howard had Wolfie on the phone and he said that was fake news. He said he had enough material and he was at that point. He said he has a full life beyond this. Ronnie said he sits in his room reading comic books. Wolfie said that's not what he was doing in Vegas.
Wolfie said Ronnie wasn't allowed to swear or anything. Ronnie said that's not true. Howard said he has a clip of Ronnie giving this speech. He said he was like serious Ronnie. Ronnie was talking about how he got into Scores with Lonnie Hanover there and he mentioned Howard Stern making Scores famous.
Wolfie said people were asking if Howard was there and if he was coming. Ronnie said he's full of shit.
Howard played more of Ronnie giving his serious speech about strip clubs and stuff. Wolfie said you can hear that no one is listening to what he's saying. He said no one knew who he was. Howard said all of the strippers didn't know who he was. Ronnie said they're like 10 years old so of course they don't know who he is. He said the people who own and run the clubs know who he is.
Howard did his impression of Ronnie giving his speech and talking about Lonnie. Fred got into his Ronnie voice too and told stories about Scores and how they helped get them going.
Wolfie said Ronnie is so funny because he loves strip club owners. He said he's so excited to meet these guys. Ronnie said Wolfie is so full of it. Howard said it's like heroin to Ronnie. Ronnie said they came to him to say hi. He said he didn't go to them. The guys were all goofing on Ronnie doing their impressions of him. Wolfie said that these guys would come over to him and Ronnie knew who they all were. Howard said that one guy was like Dr. Boner or something. Ronnie said Wolfie is making this shit up. He said they all come to him and thank him for supporting the industry.
Ronnie asked Wolfie about chasing around that stripper all night. He said that he's throwing him under the bus and it's bullshit so he's reporting the truth. He said Wolfie is reporting bullshit. Howard asked if Wolfie was chasing around a stripper. Ronnie said he was chasing around some girl who had vampire teeth. Howard said he has audio of Ronnie talking to her. Howard played that and Ronnie claimed that Wolfie had brought him over to her. Ronnie was talking about how beautiful she was. He was saying if he brought Stephanie over there they might disappear into their suite that night.
Howard said he likes the tape of Ronnie talking about this Miss America. He wasn't too thrilled with her. Ronnie said she has the same last name as him. He said her name is Cara Mund. Ronnie said she was up there the other day and he thinks she ran the other way when she saw him. Howard said he thinks he gave her a bad evaluation. Ronnie said they wanted him to but he didn't do it.
Howard asked if Shuli went out there too. Ronnie said it was just this idiot (Wolfie). Gary said Shuli was saying that you can't spend enough time with Ronnie to get information from him. He thinks that Wolfie should have gone to dinner with him. Ronnie said that he should have been there. He said he missed it all. Wolfie said he did record him at the event and didn't go to dinner. Shuli said he wouldn't leave Ronnie's side if he had gone out there. Wolfie said he was following directions. Ronnie said he didn't. Shuli said if he tells you to get away from you then you want to stay close by. Wolfie said he was told how to handle it and he did it. Howard said maybe next time Shuli will go with him.
Howard said he has more audio to play from Vegas. Ronnie said Shuli could have done a better job. He said Stephanie could have done a better job. Howard said they have audio of Wolfie asking Ronnie what kind of car a stripper would be. Ronnie said that's a stupid question. Howard played the clip and Ronnie was talking about her being a really expensive Porsche or something. Ronnie was also talking about how he was holding this girl's ass. Howard asked if he was really holding her ass. Ronnie said his hand was on her hip. Howard said he was holding her ''ass chreeks.''
Ronnie said that Wolfie missed his first day out there. Wolfie said that was scheduling and it had nothing to do with him. He told Howard it was so boring he wouldn't be interested.
Howard asked if Wolfie was really in his room reading comic books. Wolfie said Ronnie is grasping at straws. Ronnie said the guy is a weirdo. Howard said Ronnie was telling him that in the car and asking why he would want to stare at cartoons when he could be staring at twat. Howard did his impression of Ronnie talking about that.
Howard said you have to look at Ronnie's bowler. He said you have to see him dressed up. Howard and Fred did their impressions of Ronnie talking about his new look.
Howard said at the end of the night Ronnie was telling Wolfie about his sex technique. Howard played that clip and Ronnie was talking about how they play and then the big climax comes and they both get off. He said he likes to get a girl to explode with him at the same time. Ronnie said you stare right into their eyes and he has seen their eyes roll back into their heads. Howard said he bets he has. Howard said he bets there was a hot chick standing near by at that point. Wolfie said he was telling that story to a stripper. Ronnie said it was part of the interview with that stripper. Wolfie said he wants to tell everyone his prowess. Ronnie said Wolfie is so full of shit. He said this girl was telling her story also.
Howard said Ronnie went to the convention after that. Ronnie said he spoke at the opening night party. He said the first night that Wolfie wasn't there they gave out some awards at a strip club across the street from the hotel. He said Monday night was the speech. Tuesday was the awards show. The guys goofed on Ronnie about that and talked about how creepy that whole week sounded.
Howard said that Ronnie was telling the stripper the story in that clip. Wolfie said it's like he's putting out bait for them. Ronnie said he's lying through his teeth. He said Wolfie was doing the interview and he was asking the girl the same question he asked him. Howard and Fred were doing impressions of Ronnie talking about the weird sex acts he does. Howard had Ronnie talking about fucking a girl and then killing her and rolling her up in a carpet and dropping her off in the desert.
Shuli said Ronnie thinks Wolfie is weird. Howard said Ronnie went to a convention and they put him in a virtual reality sex machine and Wolfie rubbed Ronnie's nipples. He said Ronnie almost kicked his ass. Howard played that clip and Ronnie was wearing the VR glasses and then Wolfie rubbed his nipples. Ronnie said it felt good. Wolfie said that it was him. Ronnie said if it was him he'd have broken hands. Wolfie actually did it. It wasn't the girl. Wolfie said he loved it too. Ronnie said he is so full of shit. Wolfie said he has pictures of it. He said Jason has them. He said he was thinking of rubbing up against his saggy balls too.
Howard said that Ronnie was with virtual girls now. Ronnie said this guy is such a liar. Wolfie told Jason to show him the picture. Gary said just give them two seconds. They're printing them now.
Howard got the pictures and Ronnie saw them. He asked who was really touching him. Gary said look at where his hands are. Ronnie said look where her hands are. Gary said Ronnie is in denial. Wolfie said that Ronnie has a huge mole on his back. Ronnie said he does not. Shuli went over and felt his back. Ronnie told him to get the hell out of there. Shuli said he got one finger up his ass.
Howard said that Ronnie went to this bikini contest. Ronnie said that was big because they had a $10,000 prize. Wolfie said they didn't want Ronnie up on stage because he offended people the year before. Howard said Ronnie wore a t-shirt with a big skull on it. Howard said he was showing off his tattoos. Howard said Wolfie was fascinated with his legs. Wolfie said his legs are so pale and he has no hair on them at all. Howard asked if he shaves his legs. Ronnie said he has hair on his legs. Wolfie said he looks like a plucked chicken. Ronnie said he doesn't sit in the sun like Wolfie does.
Howard said Ronnie's girl Stephanie was also a judge. Howard said he has some audio of Ronnie doing the judging. Howard played a clip of some guy up on stage with Ronnie. Then they brought out the first group of girls. Ronnie said he was trashed at that point. Howard said those girls are to Ronnie what spinach is like for Popeye. He said it really gets him riled up. Howard said Ronnie hears the number 69 and that gets him going too. Ronnie started laughing when he heard 69. Howard said 12 year old boys also love that number.
Howard played more of Ronnie and this guy on stage and the other guy mentions 69 and Ronnie starts yelling ''Yeah! 69!'' Fred played the Popeye theme music and had Ronnie getting worked up to the number 69.
Howard said Ronnie hasn't even slowed down. He said Ronnie did his bit at the bikini contest where he was yelling at the girls and directing them on what to do. Howard played a clip of Ronnie doing that.
Howard said Ronnie sounds like he's going to have a heart attack during that clip. Howard replayed it and Ronnie was really worked up and yelling.
Howard asked what the fiancee was doing during this. Wolfie said she was doing her job judging the contest. He said Ronnie gets this smirk on his face like he's drunk on pussy. He said it's the funniest thing in the world. Ronnie said it's better than comic books. Howard asked if Ronnie thinks he should have been out there with the strippers. Wolfie said he's a married guy so why would he do that. Ronnie said he has nothing to say about that.
Howard said in the last clip they mention his name. He said that's what he hates about this. He said he doesn't want anything to do with this. The other host mentioned that Ronnie was from the Howard Stern Show. That led to Fred and Howard doing their Ronnie impressions and goofing on him about what he had just done in that clip.
Howard said Wolfie mentioned hurricane Harvey and Ronnie got real serious. Howard played that clip and Ronnie was talking to a stripper and Wolfie asked if she could float out of Houston with those things. Ronnie told him to be serious about that and not joke about it. The guys were all doing impressions of Ronnie goofing on him about the serious comment and making up stuff he could have done after that.
Howard said he thinks Wolfie did a good job. Wolfie asked if he heard the eel story. Howard said he heard that clip. Ronnie said the girl had that eel in her ass. He said that this guy annoys him so much. Howard said he was there to cover him and he covered him. Ronnie said he has this smirk on his face and he's not a nice guy. He said he sees right through it. He said the guy is a fucking weirdo. He said that he won't come out to dinner when he's out there.
Howard said Ronnie was in the car complaining about him. He said Ronnie said he's just fucking weird and he locks himself in his room and won't come out to dinner. Ronnie said it was two nights they asked him to come out. Howard said he was upset that he didn't go out with the teenage runaways. Ronnie said it was dudes they were out to dinner with. Howard said he's joking.
Howard and Fred did their Ronnie impressions while they were talking about that. Howard said it sounds like they were very busy out there. Ronnie said ''please.'' He said Wolfie didn't work hard out there.
Shuli was doing an impression and Ronnie told him to let Fred do it. He said Shuli isn't funny. Howard said he's attacking his comedy now. Ronnie said he's attacking him so he's attacking back. Ronnie was going to bring something up but he held back. Shuli told him to go ahead. Ronnie said he's good. He said he's not going there.
Wolfie said he thought he was being well behaved out there. Howard did more of his impression of Ronnie talking about stuff out in Vegas.
Howard said it sounds like it was a fun trip to Vegas. Wolfie said he had fun. Ronnie said it was fun for him. Ronnie said that Wolfie missed the whole first day. He said he was so out of control because Wolfie wasn't there. Wolfie said he would tell him he was going out to eat and then he was going to bed so he didn't go. Howard said he told Ronnie that maybe the guy was just beat and had enough. Ronnie asked what he'd be beat from. Howard said he gets totally jazzed up around hot chicks. He said maybe Wolfie doesn't do that.
Howard said Ronnie lost his voice and he was yelling and drinking over the weekend. Howard said he was out there on Saturday and then he was out yesterday with friends yelling. Ronnie said he wasn't yelling. Fred played Ronnie yelling about ''69'' out in Vegas. Howard asked who gets that excited about 69. Ronnie said he didn't lose his voice out there. Howard said when you turn 7 you know what 69 is. Howard said that you don't yell about it like that.
Howard asked if the girls were hot at the bikini contest. Ronnie said they were. He said there were over 100 girls there. They played a song parody about Ronnie and all the stuff he yells. Howard said just wait until Ronnie turns 69 years old. Howard said he really has to take a break. He said he hopes it all went well for him out there. Howard let the guys go and did a live commercial read. They went to break after that.
- Betting On TV. 09/22/17. 9:25am
Next up on today's replay show they played a segment where Howard talked about betting on Dancing with the Stars. Here's my rundown:
Howard's Nightmares, Heidi Klum, Billy Bush And More. 09/20/17. 7:00am
Howard started the show talking about Ronnie's ''69!'' clip and how it's his new thing. Howard said he always comes up with something new. Fred played the 69 clip a bunch of times.
Howard said he had some weird dreams last night that he doesn't want to get into. He said he's saving them for his therapist. He said he's tired today because of that. Howard said he's not going to tell Robin about it. Robin wondered if that was a rule for him and his dreams. Howard said she's probably thinking they were gay dreams.
Howard said he was watching TV before bed and he can't turn it off. He said he loves television so much. He said he really liked what Alec Baldwin said about making TV at the Emmys. He said he's not sure what he would do without TV. He said it would be a nightmare if he had to read a book. Howard said he is reading that Hitler book. Robin said he doesn't read things that give him the kind of entertainment that TV does. Howard said he doesn't like made up stories. He said he likes made up stories on TV but not reading them.
Howard said he turned on the TV and he saw Wheel of Fortune. He said Pat Sajak has a full head of hair. He said the guy has to be 70. Gary said he turned 70 last October. Howard asked who he thinks he's kidding. Howard said people think he dyes his hair but he really doesn't. Howard said he has dark hair but there is more and more gray in there. He said he was thinking about it and he doesn't want to color it. He said it's very feminine. He said he removed his ear rings because of that. He said he's 3 pounds lighter without them. Howard said Beth told him it was time. He said she was right. He felt better about himself. Howard said the ear rings were looking dopey. He said you get to a certain age and it's over.
Howard said he used to have that rock star look but that's kind of gone. Robin said some guys are stuck in their look from those years. Howard said he hasn't had those years. He said he was looking at his wife the other night and he wished that he could be good looking. He said it must be fantastic. He said people think you're attractive. He said little kids like Beth immediately. He said that she's like a Barbie or a princess. He said it's so great. He said she thinks she's disgusting looking which is great. He said he thinks that's why he got her. Howard said if she knew how good looking she was she'd never be with him.
Howard said they know lots of good looking women who go after young, hunky guys and they're never happy because they can't live up. He said that Beth looks fantastic next to him. He said someone said he doesn't know how he got her. Howard said he was pissed at first but then he was like ''I don't either.'' Howard said the guy said it doesn't make sense. Robin said they say that a woman married to a man more attractive than she is will be more insecure. Howard said they know women who are dating younger guys and they're really good looking and they're never secure. Howard said they love fucking young guys. Howard said he just saw Heidi Klum just broke up. He said the fact that it lasted 3 years is shocking. Howard said when he joined America's Got Talent he thought Heidi wanted to fuck him. He said she was on the loose after breaking up with Seal. Howard said he got a vibe from her. He said maybe she was just being friendly.
Howard said if he was single he would have fucked her. He said it would have been a big mistake. He said he'd have to go to the show and work with her though. He said that accent and her singing was something he's glad he didn't get stuck with.
Howard said Heidi went to the after party at his 60th birthday bash and met this guy Vito. Howard said he didn't even know about the after party.
Howard said this guy Simon Cowell was after his job when he was there at America's Got Talent. Howard said he bets he would have fucked Heidi. He said you have to watch that guy. He said he has a new song called ''Fuck Your Wife.'' He played the parody that the guys did with a fake Simon.
Howard said Simon was desperate to get back on American TV. He said Simon is on the phone. He took the call from the guys in the back who had clips of fake Simon that they were playing. Fake Simon was asking Robin if she wanted to fuck him. He said he can't do it until she marries one of his best friends. Fake Simon told Howard he's a wig wearing asshole and the guys played it a couple of times. Howard told them to go make more drops.
Howard said he has socialized with Heidi and Vito. He said she's a sweet woman but she's making a big error there. Howard said that's what he told his wife. Howard said she was fucking this guy in his 20s. He said she's in her 40s. He said she's going to feel bad about herself. Howard said she needs an older, ugly guy like him. Howard said Ralph thought that she was flirting with him too. He said that he likes to have a complete madman as a voice of reality around him. Howard said Gary asked what Ralph does all day and he really has no idea.
Howard said he's not sure who Heidi is going to team up with next. He said she has like 4 kids with Seal and some other kid. Howard said she has a bunch. Howard said he never could figure out how many she had. He said Mel B has a bunch too and he was never able to figure it out. He said Mel had her kids on set and it was so annoying. Howard said the kids would get in his chair. Robin said it looked like United Nations over there. Howard said it was like he was working with Octomom.
Howard said there was no respect there. He said they were in his chair. He said he'd go to sit there and they'd just stay in it. He said they'd ring his buzzer. Howard said that Mel B was there with her man and her glam squad. Howard said Heidi had her social media people there too. Howard said it was like ''what the fuck?'' He said the judges table looked like a day care center. Howard said he'd say something and they were afraid of saying anything got Mel and Heidi. Howard said they need the job so they could tell them anything. Robin said it looked like she had a lot of kids but they say she only has 4. Howard said Mel has like 10. He said there were kids older than him there.
Howard said Mel B is on the prowl too. He said Heidi will be now. Howard said he would have fucked up and fucked both of them over there. Howard said he could have screwed everything up. He said he had to go to work. He said he'd fuck people who he wasn't even attracted to. He said he was out of control. He said now he's got his shit together. He said he's always been faithful.
Howard said he is obsessed with Billy Bush's life leaving Billy. Howard said he felt bad for him. He said they say it was amicable. He said it wasn't over the Trump tape. He said according to Page Six they say he didn't apologize to his wife for the ''grab 'em by the pussy'' thing. Howard said he feels kind of bad for the guy. He said maybe what he did wasn't so good but now he's out of a job and without a wife. Howard said he saw pictures of his wife and she was smoking hot. He said now she's gone.
Dancing With The Stars Betting. 09/20/17. 7:25am
Howard said Jimmy Kimmel bets on Dancing with the Stars and he told him how he picks the winners. He said he wanted to get in on the betting and Jimmy knows what he's doing. Howard said Jimmy picked someone with 10-1 odds and he went with that guy too. Howard said he thinks he can say who it is. Howard said he is locked in on that 10-1 so he can say it's that basketball player Derek Fisher. Howard said he taped the show and he's going to watch it. He said they have a girl on there who he had his eye on. Howard said Derek did pretty good but he doesn't see how he's going to win. He said he was kind of klutzy.
Howard said he has to get Jimmy on to talk about that. Robin said it's crazy because it's the football players who do well. Howard said Jimmy thinks they're going to hit the 10-1. Howard said he's in.
Howard said they have Nick Lachey on with his wife. Howard said she's a real good dancer. Howard said Jimmy understands how they vote on that show. Howard said he'll get $5,000 if he wins. He said that will be nice. He said that he was too tired trying to figure out how much he'd get back. Howard said he put $500 down.
Howard said he watched Ray Donovan last night and they really have to get away from the dead wife. Howard said she's there every week. Howard said she has cancer and it's like a Lifetime special. Howard said he's a guy who is supposed to be like James Bond. Robin said he's a sociopath too. Robin said he shouldn't care about her. Robin said the whole time she was alive she wasn't naked. Now she's showing her tits.
Howard said he is so impressed with Susan Sarandon. He said she has aged so well. He wondered if she has work done. He said she looks so pretty and young. Robin said they say that even if she doesn't look like she has had work done that she probably has. Howard said she looks great. Fred said she has always had great tits. He said she was in Pretty Baby. Howard said he never saw that movie. Fred said Susan was naked in that plenty. Howard said she's 70. He said he wonders if he would fuck her. Howard said he's an old bag too but he thinks an older guy should be fucking younger women.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he's smoking crack. Howard asked why he's asking that. The caller said that Derek Fisher has two left feet and his partner sucks. He said Kimmel's track record is out of line. Howard said he has a 50 percent track record. Howard said he's just going along with what Kimmel told him. He said he put 500 down. The caller asked if he'll pay him back if he loses. Howard said that's not gambling. Howard said Jimmy knows. Howard said he doesn't know what's so special about this Derek guy. The caller said he has his fingers crossed for him. Howard sarcastically said that was a great call, call back again.
Gary came in and said that Derek has one of those feel good stories that will get him votes. Gary said years ago he had to be with his daughter who had an operation. He asked to be let out of his contract so he could get his daughter help later on. Howard said Jimmy knows his shit. Howard started singing ''I'm in the money.''
Howard said Robin will care when she sees him counting his $5,000. Howard said Robin bet on him to beat Nils Loftgren in basketball.
Howard said America isn't going to turn their backs on a guy like this. Robin said it will take weeks for him to get his money. Howard said he has to watch the show now. He said he usually fast forwards through the athletes. Howard said he was wondering why he listens to Jimmy but he obviously knows. He said he knows all of this stuff he didn't know about.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he ever beat off to Heidi. Howard said never. He said that's not his thing. The caller said when he was 11 he broke his dick to Butt Bongo Fiesta. He said keep up the good work. Howard said he was never recognized for that. He said he had a lot of hot chicks in that. He said it was in 3D and way ahead of its time.
Howard said he has to take a break. He said after the break he has some things to play. Robin asked what you do when someone you know breaks up. Robin asked if he's going to contact Heidi. Howard said he's not going to do that. He said he's not close. Howard said he knew that was going to fall apart. He said he was too young for her. He said she'll be fine. She's still hot. Howard said she was at the Emmys and he wasn't sure why. Fred said she was there for Project Runway. Howard said that show can't possibly deserve an Emmy. He said that seems crazy to him. He said Heidi had her titty out on the red carpet. Howard said it was the year of the titty at the Emmys this year. Howard said there wasn't one woman not showing off their tits. Howard said it was great. Howard said Memet went and did an embedded with Tan Mom that he has to play. He said it's a taste of what goes on in her house. Howard said he has a million other things to do too. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break a short time later.
- Calls, Bobo & More. 09/22/17. 10:10am
Next up on today's replay show they played a segment where Howard took calls, talked to Bobo and more. Here's my rundown:
Howard Takes Some Calls. 09/19/17. 7:55am
After the break Howard came right back and said he has Marilyn Manson coming in today. Howard said he hasn't seen him in a long time so that will be nice.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if the agent is related to Johnny Fratto. Howard went back into the agent voice and said he is related. He said his father's, fathers, father was his mother's sister's aunt through marriage. The agent said that Johnny got into his business by representing Eric the Actor. The caller said that is interesting that he got into it. He said that Johnny just published a book posthumously. He said Howard isn't even in it. The agent said he would never throw him under the bus like that. Howard kept going with the agent talking about Johnny and Eric the Actor. He talked about how he represented Derek from Texas but that turned out to be a scam so both he and Johnny were representing Eric.
Howard let the caller go but he was still doing the agent voice. He said he represented Hervé Villechaize and a bunch of little people who played Ewoks in Star Wars. Howard said he really wants to be done with this agent thing. He said that's enough of that. He said you can kill it. Robin said leave them wanting more.
Howard took a call from a guy who just got in a ''Hey now Howard'' and his phone cut out. Howard said maybe that's what all the caller should do.
Rolling Stone, R. Kelly And More. 09/19/17. 8:05am
Howard said he saw that Rolling Stone is up for sale. Howard said he appreciates what Jann Wenner did with the magazine. He said its weird that the magazines business is so fucked up that no one even wants to buy the magazine. Howard said someone asked if he wanted to buy it. Howard said he's not going to do that. He said he thinks Jann is done with it and he's going to retire so he won't stay on to help out with it.
Howard said another weird thing in the paper is about this guy R. Kelly. He said that he doesn't know his music at all. He said he just knows that he has some sort of sex cult according to the paper. Howard said this is really weird stuff. He asked how they get this going. Howard said there's a woman who describes that when she was 16 Rob Kelly took her virginity. Howard said that this woman says that they had this woman teacher her how to have sex and how to please R. Kelly. Howard read the article and said it's like those porn he watches where they teach the young girls how to have sex.
Howard said this woman was crying while she was telling this story. Howard said that Kelly would slap her in the face when she didn't listen. Robin said she read that he tells the women when they can eat and what they can eat. She said he gets angry when they don't listen.
Howard said he saw Bobo was on the phone and he's grayed out. He said that means he's on the air. Bobo was there. He asked if he saw Steven Tyler wearing some outfit with his girlfriend. Howard said he doesn't know what he's talking about. Bobo explained that Steven was out with a 29 year old girl and he was wearing a white robe. Howard said he has to go. He said he doesn't care about what he's talking about.
Bobo said that Dancing with the Stars started last night. Howard said he blew it. He said Jimmy Kimmel bets on the show and he has a 50 percent winning rate. Howard said Jimmy told him he could bet on it but he's sure it's over now. Robin said he can still bet. Howard said he's not sure what to bet on it. He said it's a whole thing. Bobo told Howard about some of the people on Dancing with the Stars. They played a song parody from Daniel Mendelson about what a dope Bobo is. They went to break right after that.
- Memet & Tan Mom Embedded. 09/22/17. 10:25am
Next up on today's replay show they played a segment where Howard talked to Memet about being embedded with Tan Mom. Here's my rundown:
Anthony Bourdain's Girlfriend. 09/20/17. 8:10am
After the break they played a ''Toddler radio'' bit where they had people explaining what an abortion was in baby voices. They also played a ''Hit 'em with the Hein'' song parody and a phony phone call the guys made to a woman using clips of Howard.
Howard came back and mentioned that the Howard Stern Show song was by Hatebreed. He said they cut an original song. Howard said Robin knows who Hatebreed is.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he has seen Anthony Bourdain's girlfriend on Instagram. Howard said he's not sure who that is. The caller said he's a chef. Robin said he's a chef who travels around the world. Howard said he's not going to watch that. The caller said he has to see the girlfriend. He said her name is Sia Argento or something like that.
Howard said Ronnie was walking Marilyn Manson out yesterday and he ran into Adriana Lima up there. Howard said Ronnie said she was beyond smoking hot. Howard said Marilyn was trying to get down with her but nothing happened. Howard said she was a big fan of his and he figured he could score with her according to Ronnie.
Howard asked if this Anthony Bourdain's girlfriend is a model or something. Robin said she thinks she's an actress. Howard said he's not going to watch these travel shows where they show people eating. Howard said fuck him. He said his opinion is as valid as his.
Howard asked where Ronnie is. Gary said he's downstairs. Gary tripped coming in the studio again. Howard said it's his job to tell guests not to trip on them and he trips on them. Howard said it's irony that he almost fell.
Gary had a picture of Bourdain's girlfriend. Howard said she is hot. He said he's not sure about the tattoos the caller is talking about. Howard said he sees her in a dress and doesn't see any tattoos. The caller said she has tattoos on her thigh that she shows off in pictures. He said she's super cute. Gary had a picture of the girl with tattoos too. Howard said he doesn't think it's the same girl. Gary said it is. Howard said she got a lot of tattoos. He said she looks better without them. The caller was still going on and on about her. Howard said he has to go. He doesn't care that much.
Memet Embedded With Tan Mom. 09/20/17. 8:15am
Howard said they sent Memet out to hang with Tan Mom. He said he's a good looking guy so they sent him out there to hang with Tan Mom. Howard said she's only been a part of the show for 5 years. He said it seems a lot longer. Howard said that she was in the news for allegedly putting her 5 year old in a tanning bed. He said she denies doing that.
Howard said Tan Mom lives in Jersey in some house that's in a nice neighborhood but it's not that nice of a house. Howard said he wants to talk to Memet but he can't ask him about his sex life or he'll get freaked out.
Memet came in and said he didn't freak out. He said it was just one time. Memet said everyone has cried on the show at least once. Howard said Fred has never cried. Gary has never cried. Memet said real men cry. Howard said he likes that he cut his hair. He said he should try to be masculine. He said his parents have suffered enough shame.
Howard said last time Memet was in there they lost him for a few hours. Memet said he'll be fine. Howard said Memet ran out crying and disappeared. Howard said he had a hiding place. Memet said he felt very embarrassed about that. Robin said he's like a cat who hides. Howard said he was worried about him. He said he had a freak out and he told the guys to go find him. He said he was gone for hours. Memet said that's an exaggeration. Howard played a song parody about Memet crying.
Howard asked Memet about the Tan Mom house. Memet said the house looks like a haunted house when you walk up to it. Howard said as he walks up to the house Memet can hear Tan Mom screaming in the house. Howard played the clip and Tan Mom was screaming at the top of her lungs. Her husband said that he had to go.
<>Memet said she's so mean to her husband. He said he's not sure how he puts up with it. He said he's a saint. Howard said he seems super normal. Memet said he is. He said he treats her really nice and she calls him names like moron. He said she has wild mood swings. He said she'll be very happy one second and very angry 10 seconds later. Howard said it's a house of horrors.
Howard said Tan Mom wasn't able to do a microphone check. Howard played a clip of Tan Mom testing the microphone out and she said she hates marriage and her ex's come around. She was going on and on about her landscapers and stuff.
Memet said it's like interviewing someone on acid. He said she came down with zit cream on her face and she had it everywhere but on the zit.
Howard said he has a clip of Memet getting a tour of the house which is very dark and dingy. Memet said it wasn't air conditioned so it was very hot. He said it was miserable. Howard said the house was filled with antiques.
Howard played a clip of Memet talking to Tan Mom about the stuff she has in her house. Tan Mom said that they're from the war. She said they're from the 1800s. She said they go back to the Holocaust in the 1800s. Memet asked her about her favorite room in the house. Tan Mom said that she doesn't like anything. Howard said she's a little off with that. Memet said everything is a little messed up with her.
Memet said that deep down she's a very nice person. Howard said that Sal must like her because she knows history like he knows history. Howard said they think the Jews won against the Lizard people back in the 1800s.
Memet said it's like wanting to sleep with Wendy the Slow Adult when you see her. He said that the house looks like it's about to fall apart at any second.
Howard said Memet just saw one pet at her house and it was a bunny hiding in a corner of its cage. Howard played a clip of Memet talking to Tan Mom about the pets. She said their bird passed away. She said they feed the rabbit pizza and sushi. She said she doesn't give a damn if it's good for them. Memet said that she was talking about how if they like it then it's fine for them.
Howard said he has Tanner Mom on the phone. It was Shuli doing his Tan Mom impression. Howard spent a minute talking to him about the rabbit who he also had on the phone. One of the guys was doing a voice saying ''Help me please.''
Howard said Memet asked Tan Mom where she gets her news. Howard played the clip and Tan Mom said she doesn't even know what he said. Memet said it's news and what's going on in the world. Tan Mom said she keeps reading 9/11 because it reminds her that the world is falling apart.
Howard said Tan Mom answered better than Sarah Palin. Howard talked more to Tanner Mom who was telling Memet to try not to cry, pussy. She said she has Anne Frank's tampons from World War I.
Howard asked if Memet was shocked when she didn't understand that question. Memet said not at all. Howard said at one point Tan Mom was packing bags of Matzo for the crew. Howard played the clip and Tan Mom was explaining the Jewish holidays to the guys.
Howard told Shuli to come in and do Tanner Mom in the studio. He was right outside so he came right in. Howard said he likes to look at him when he's doing the impression. Howard talked to him as Tanner Mom for a few minutes. Howard was cracking up at some of the impression he was doing.
Howard asked Memet if Tan Mom knows who he is. Memet said that a couple of days after he was there she posted a picture with Steve Nowicki and said ''Great day with Memet'' so maybe not. He said he was right in front of her face for hours that day though.
Howard said her husband seems like a saint. Howard said he's kind of beaten down. Howard said he feels bad for the guy. Howard played a clip of Memet talking to the husband about how things are. He said things are very difficult and she calls him useless and a waste and things like that. Shuli said she had to be carried out of a photo shoot and she calls him useless.
Shuli said he moved to Florida and he had to come back home with her. He said Tan Mom said she threw him right in the basement when he came home.
Howard said the poor guy gets kind of brow beaten. Shuli said when he was at that photo shoot Tan Mom said if he came down there one more time she'd shoot him right in the fucking head. Howard said it seems like the honeymoon is over.
Howard said this is the weirdest clip. He said they're going to the tanning salon. Memet said that she's in a stretch limo. Howard said she yells at her husband the whole time calling him ''driver.'' Howard played the clip and Tan Mom said they were going to the tanning salon. she asked the driver to change the music that was playing. She was yelling at her husband who was driving.
Howard said this is so fascinating. He said he would watch a documentary of her. Memet said that you'd watch her 24/7 on a web cam. He said High Pitch does nothing but Tan Mom would be great. Howard said it would be great to put a GoPro on the husband's head.
Howard said Tan Mom asked to heard some album. Shuli said she's a big Bruce Springsteen fan. Howard talked to Shuli as Tanner Mom talking about Bruce.
Howard said when they got to the tanning salon Memet talked to the owner of the salon. That guy told him that she uses the strongest tanning bed they have. Memet said he was standing next to it and he could feel the power of the bed going through him. Howard said Tan Mom is like a color that isn't real. Shuli said she's like leather.
Howard played a clip of the owner of the salon talking about Tan Mom using the tanning bed. He said that she comes out of the bed and she's smiling and in a good mood after being in it. Howard said it sounds like instant cancer to him. Memet said it's like standing next to a nuclear reactor.
Howard said Tan Mom goes into it fully nude. Memet said she was naked in this part. Howard said Memet is standing next to her and she goes into a trance. Memet said she can't even speak once that thing turns on. Howard played a clip of the tanning bed noise. Memet said he can feel the heat from it already. Memet tried talking to her but she wasn't saying a word.
Howard said that he didn't know that tanning beds even existed anymore. Howard said he's uptight about that shit.
Howard said he thinks that Tan Mom was trying to seduce Memet. He asked if she was wearing goggles in the tanning bed. Memet said she only wears the goggles and tennis shoes. Howard said maybe that's how she's able to prove that she's still white.
Shuli said that he went to check on Tan Mom one day when she was up there. He said she was in the green room and her legs were up and her side meat was showing. He said she was saying that it helps her back. Memet said she will wear a low cut dress and her nipple sticks out. He said she doesn't even know it.
Howard said her tanning bed is 16,000 watts. Howard said that sounds like a lot. Howard said he'd be afraid of that.
Howard played a clip of Tan Mom talking about having sex when they asked her to sign some forms. She asked the guys if they wanted to go to bed. She laughed maniacally when she asked. Shuli did an impression of her doing that. He had Howard cracking up at the impression.
Howard said he likes how she gets kind of masculine at the end. Shuli did the impression and exaggerated that a bit. Howard said he could listen to her all day long. Robin said they should do the Tan Mom show.
Howard asked if she did that all day with Memet. Memet said she was doing that a lot. Shuli was still doing the laugh after saying something sexual bit. Howard played a Tan Mom song parody.
They went to break after that.
Today's show was over around 11:05am.