- Friday Replay Show. 05/26/17. 7:00am
Here's what they played on today's replay show:
- Rachel Maddow. 05/26/17. 7:00am
First up on today's replay show they played the Rachel Maddow interview. Here's my rundown:
Rachel Maddow Visits. 05/24/17. 8:55am
After the break they played a phony phone call the guys made to an internet religious radio show using clips of Howard talking about porn. They also played a song parody with Sour Shoes ''Oooo'' clips in it. They played a Jon Hein Diabetes PSA parody and Green Day performing ''Boulevard of Broken Dreams'' in the Howard Stern Show studio.
Howard came back and said he has Rachel Maddow there. He said she's now number 1 in cable news. Robin asked how that happened. Howard said he knows. Fred had a John Lennon song playing. Howard asked if Rachel doesn't' know this one. She said it's good but that's not her era. Howard said they had to go kill that one guy he worshiped. Howard said it makes him angry.
Howard said Rachel has her doctorate. He asked why she doesn't go as Dr. Rachel Maddow. Rachel said she always believed that if you can't cure people it's a little over the top. Howard said it's like when Bill Cosby got his doctorate and did his thesis in Fat Albert.
Howard said he believes that Rachel is number 1 because when Trump won he needed someone to explain to him what's going on with Trump. He said that Beth always asks him to turn Rachel on. Howard said it kind of sucks because they fired Bill O'Reilly. Howard said now she cant even say she beat him. Rachel said there was a little beating of Bill before he left. She said credit to him before he left because he ruled for more than a decade.
Howard said she's like Batman without the Joker. Howard said she could be crowing about this if he was around. Rachel said she's not that kind of person. She said that she's very happy for the success but she doesn't know how to brag about it. Howard said it's not fun beating Anderson Cooper. Robin said that Tucker Carlson might be a fighter. Howard said not right now. Howard said she used to work with Tucker. Rachel said that was back in 2005 or 2006. Howard asked if she just wants to get her thoughts out. Rachel said she was just happy to be on TV saying what she wants. She said once she got her own show she didn't want to fight it out.
Howard said people like to see liberals and right wing guys fighting it out. Robin said that it's not a dialog or a debate though.
Howard asked if Rachel thinks that FOX News had pretty weak liberals so they were like a punching bag. Rachel said she's not sure how they program over there. She doesn't watch much of it. She said someone is designed to win that contest. She said that she doesn't like those fake set ups. Rachel said if you bring someone on to just be shouted down then what do you learn? She said she's not into that.
Howard said Rachel resisted all of that. Howard said Trump became President and then he wanted to hear the opposing view. He said he found himself watching Rachel every night. He said in a weird way you don't want Trump as president but she does want him because her show is on fire from Trump. Howard said he watches her ever night now. He said things change so much with Trump that he needs someone to interpret it for him. He said he's the guy who will mouth what she said the night before to his family.
Rachel said that the story is going so fast that it's not speculation or a conspiracy theory. She said that there are multiple investigations going on with Trump and his cabinet.
Howard asked Rachel if her show is highly scripted and does she know where she's going with the show. Rachel said with the exception of something coming up last minute it's scripted. She said that's what she works at all day. She said she gets to know all of the information all day and she knows it inside and out by the time the show airs.
Howard said Rachel is like Paul Harvey the way she tells her stories. Rachel said he was a master. She said that she likes to do that.
Howard asked Rachel to take him through her day. Rachel said she gets in around noon-ish. Howard asked how she prepares for the show because so much is happening. Rachel said they do it live at 9pm so it's weird. She said with a normal government you get news coming out about things and you know it's coming. She said in this administration they don't make the news about politics. She said they have to be way more nimble when it comes to doing the show.
Howard asked how many people they have working on her show. Rachel said it's not totally firm because some of the staff work on other things at MSNBC. She said it's maybe 12-15 people. Howard asked if it's the same people all along. He said she has to have people who she trusts. Rachel said he has had some people with her a long time. She said some have left because it's hard. She said it's 5 days a week 12 hours a day and 50 weeks a year. She said it's exhausting. Rachel said if you want to have a real life then it's tough. She said they're on the air live at 9.
Howard asked if she thinks that Trump puts stuff out at 8:59 to fuck with her. She laughed. She said some stuff does come out at 8:50.
Howard asked Rachel about her contracts and how much she can ask for now that she's number 1. She said she never talks about that. She said she's never made it through a whole contract though. Howard said now that she's number 1 she should be able to get more.
Howard asked if Rachel has ever had a guest on her show that she loves having on. Rachel said she doesn't have regulars. She said there are people she likes like Nicole Wallace. Howard said for him it was Trump before all of this stuff went on. Howard said Trump would come on and say the craziest stuff. He said that the person who is hurt the most from this election is him. Robin said Billy Bush has been hurt too.
Rachel said Trump was his most full self when he was on with Howard. Howard said yes. He said Trump would come on and say that Hollywood actresses are not 9s and 10s but 6s. He said Trump would say that some waitresses are 10s. Robin said he had an argument with a guy on the show because he was dating an ex.
Rachel said she heard some of the Trump stuff when it was live and some when the election was going on. She said he doesn't think things through. She said that he didn't just think stuff up on his way to the show. She said he would just come in and say stuff that he thought about for a long time. Howard said it wasn't nonsense talk. He said he loved Trump for that. He said he thought he was the best guest on the show. He said he had amazing insight.
Howard asked where we're headed with all of this. He asked if Trump will be president a year from now. He said no one can answer this intelligently for him. He asked if she thinks he'll be tossed out of office. Rachel said it's a hard question to answer directly. She said they could talk impeachment and all of that. She said there's a different answer to all of that. She said the big bottom line is hard to give. She said the criminal investigation is progressing so fast that she's not sure where it will end up. Rachel said if they get to the bottom of the Russia thing it's kind of hard to see. She said anyone up to and including the Vice President can be indicted and jailed. Howard said it was kind of weird that Trump said that he fired Comey to get him off his back. Howard said it was an honest statement. Howard said that's an admission of some illegal activity. Rachel said they will find out. She said there are things that they can't indict the president over. She said that if Mueller or the DOJ are able to put forward evidence that he committed a crime that the republicans will do what's right.
Howard asked if Rachel is surprised at how supportive some of these people are of Trump. Rachel said she's kind of surprised at how deep it goes. She said if they find out there was espionage or criminal activity then they'll find out if they're serving the public or just partisan.
Howard said that the idea of the Russians tampered with the election is out there. He said that many groups have said it's true. Howard said that he'd like to know why they can't tell them how they tampered with it. Howard asked why we don't know this. Rachel said there were two reports. She said one came out in October and that was from Homeland Security. She said another one came out in January. She said there were two things. She said Russians stole stuff from the DNC and they figured out how to best use it to affect the media. Howard asked how they hacked it. He said you'd think they have the most secure servers. Howard said that they should put money into protecting that stuff. He said it's so maddening.
Rachel said that Russia wants to think of itself as a super power. She said they have one aircraft carrier and they have a flotilla following it because it might sink. She said they are not a super power now. She said that the size of their miliary isn't even close. She said the way they decided to keep up with the United States was with cyber. She said that's why this stuff happens. She said they took the advantage and used it against our election and it worked.
Robin said we actually make stuff that people can use and all they do it hack it. Howard said North Korea can't even get a missile off the ground. Rachel said that they are getting better. She said that they are working in some way but they haven't made it to the United States.
Howard asked if she hates that people say the NY Times is a shit newspaper. Howard said that they're the gold standard. Rachel said that the Washington Post is really good right now. She said we are so blessed by the mainstream media.
Howard asked how Rachel gets her information. He asked if she's a speed reader. She said she has good reading comprehension but she's not a speed reader. Rachel said that she reads about 40 tabs. She said she'll go into the specialist press about some things when they're researching. Robin asked if she has a personal life. Rachel said no. Howard said Bill O'Reilly had too much of a personal life. Howard said that's why he got into so much trouble.
Howard asked if Rachel ever goes on vacation. She said no again. She said she goes to Massachusetts on the weekends. She said she fishes. Howard said he feels bad for the fish. He said he heard they die once you put your oils on them. Howard said they're all fucked up from the hook and all of that. Rachel said she fishes in the Hudson too. Howard said he had a pond near him and he could just throw a rod in there and pull out a ton of fish. Howard said it's relaxing. Rachel said it's just hard enough that you have to think about it while you're doing it. Howard said he went out fishing once and swans started chasing him. He said he was in a boat and they came at him. He said he was with Jimmy Kimmel and he thought they were going to get killed. Howard said they were rowing like crazy to get away from them. He said they're as big as a human being. He said if there was a video of this you'd say he was the biggest pussy ever.
Howard said he heard Rachel talking about having Roger Ailes critique her once. Rachel said she wasn't sure if he was going to give her bad advice or what. She said that he was gracious and constructive. She said he gave her things to think about. Howard said that was nice. Rachel said the sexual harassment allegations against him got him fired. She said that was serious stuff. Howard said once Megyn Kelly said something and didn't sue then they had to fire him. Rachel said she was never in touch with him after that. She said she sent him a note one day and didn't hear back. She said that's when the allegations came out. She said they never talked again. She said that she never talked to him about that stuff. She said he was generous to her before that. She said she doesn't want to downplay all of that stuff.
Howard said that you see Mel Gibson and he's charming and it can be confusing when you hear about the other stuff he's done. Rachel said that accountability is what counts. She said that we're all better than the worst thing we've done in our lives.
Howard asked if Rachel would have ever considered working for FOX News if Roger had asked her to. Rachel said he once told her that he wanted to hire her at FOX but never put her on the air. She said he wanted to hire her and keep her off the air. Howard asked if she would consider that. Rachel asked who wouldn't consider that. Howard said he wanted to do that with people who wanted to kick him off radio. He said they could have bought out his contract.
Howard said it seems like Rachel is doing damage to FOX News now. Rachel said it seems like things are in flux. She said she's not sure how long cable news has. She said that Roger is gone and Bill O'Reilly is gone. She said she's not sure what will happen. Howard said MSNBC is coming up and he thinks they're doing a good job.
Howard said he tunes into MSNBC on Sunday nights and they run long form stuff. He said he's not sure why they do that. Howard said it's prison stuff. Rachel said that they had spectacular ratings with that stuff. She said that's the one time they were killing FOX when FOX was killing them. Howard said that he gets that but now the channel is on a roll.
Howard asked if they give Rachel room to do what she wants to there. Rachel said she has had maybe 2 or 3 incidents asking her not to cover something. She said she will quit and then it's over. Howard said if they get sued over something she does then it can be dangerous. Rachel said she has to check facts and all of that and she follows their rules for that stuff. She said they do regular training for the staff about how to do that stuff. Rachel said she never wants the network to feel like they have to worry. Rachel said you can take her word for it that she's telling the truth about things on her show.
Howard asked if she knows anyone else over there. Rachel said they don't interact with the other shows there. She said they don't spend time talking around the water cooler.
Howard asked why Rachel said if Phil Griffin ever leaves she's going to leave. Rachel said she's said that for years. She said he brought him on and it was at a time when no one else was bringing her on. She said she was a liberal coming from nowhere. She said that she was doing a thing so she was like Pat from Saturday Night Live. She said that people thought she was a boy. Howard said his wife is into her. He said she thinks she's hot. Rachel said she might be that girl crush. Howard said she loves watching her. She said she'll say she's glad she wears makeup.
Howard said he's never looked at someone who was a mentor to him. He said that was a nice thing for Roger to do to talk to her. He said it was like fatherly advice. Rachel said that people get mad at her for saying nice things about him. She said she's not downplaying what he did but she is saying that he was a friend to her. Howard asked if she should have gone to the funeral. Rachel said she thinks it would have been a distraction. Howard said she could have been a dick about it. She said that she was very nice about it.
Rachel asked Howard how he knew he had it right doing what he was doing. Howard said he was talking about this with his psychiatrist yesterday. He said he could never ask his parents for advice. He said it never occurred to him that he could ask someone how to do things. Howard said when he went to college he didn't know what to do. He said he got into radio and there were some people who were good at radio and he should have adjusted them to listen to him. He said he thought he had to walk in and act like an expert. He said some people must have laughed at him behind his back. Howard said he should have gone to someone asking how to be better.
Rachel said that Howard's style came out of that. She said that she's not drawing a parallel to him but she never watched cable news. She said she didn't even have a TV. She said that it was helpful that she didn't know how everyone else did it. She said she was able to do it her own way. Howard said that she took the high road in the way she does her show. Howard said that's what he thinks.
Howard said Rachel was talking about a bank that Putin owns that Trump got a loan from. Rachel said it was his business partner who got the loan. Howard asked how that's not a huge story. Rachel said there are a lot of big stories. She said that he's taking on a lawyer who is also representing the largest state run Russian bank. Howard asked what's going on. He asked what she thinks is happening. Rachel said that number 1 there are a ton of unexplained contacts between Trump's people and the Kremlin. She said that they just know that they're contacts. She said we don't know why they were happening. Rachel said they lied about some contacts and didn't disclose things. She said that if they tried to shut down the investigation then they need to know about that. She asked why Jared Kushner was meeting with this Russian bank during the election. She said that's the stuff that they have to figure out.
Howard said he's not sure why Trump ran for president. He said he had the life. Howard said the guy has this great Mar-A-Lago and he's not sure why he would want the hassle of being President. Howard said he had it all. Howard said he'd tell him to get the fuck out if he could get in touch with him.
Howard said he thinks Hillary blew it with her campaign. He said that he put it out to her that he reaches a lot of 25-54 year olds who aren't into her so much. Howard said maybe if she came on the show she could reveal some things and get people on her side. Howard said it seems like there was a lack of trying on her part. Howard said she never really tried. Rachel said it was a traditional campaign and she didn't do a show like Howard's because they were being conservative. They thought Trump would be easy to beat. That turned out not to be true.
Howard asked if Rachel gets a lot of negative mail and things about her show. She said that no matter what's going on she gets the same amount. She said that she tries to ignore it.
Robin asked about the people who are so against the facts and try to make up their own news. Howard said it's like that with the Russian interference in the election. Rachel said they have the information and then Trump admits it was the Russians but then he denies it again. Howard said that he thinks it's going to delegitimize his election.
Howard asked if Rachel is having fun. Rachel said she likes her job but it's hard. She said that she's happy but she's not that healthy. She said she threw her back out plugging in her laptop. She said she has a heal your back book that Howard has mentioned. Howard said she'll be fine if she reads that. Howard said those books saved his life.
Howard said that Rachel's day is full and she can't do more than she does. Rachel said she's a columnist for the Washington Post but she hasn't been able to send anything since before November. She said she works and she has a great girlfriend and great dogs. She said she goes home on the weekends and she tries to relax. Rachel said her girlfriend has her own life and she's as busy as she is. Howard said that she's said that she battles depression too. Rachel said it's not so severe that she can't work. Howard asked about Chris Cornell and if she worries about getting that low and hurting herself. Rachel said she doesn't because she has Susan and Susan can look at her and tell what's going on with her. She said that she has things that she can do to get out of it. She doesn't take any medication for that but she has things she does. She said tat Susan is also able to tell when she's depressed so she can tell her when she needs to do that stuff.
Howard said he thought Rachel looked hot with longer hair. Rachel said she likes looking the way she does. Howard said he likes it too but he's wondering if she'd ever change it up. Rachel said that she has been asked to change it up but it's not happening.
Rachel asked how Howard is doing. Howard said he's okay. He said he goes through life not thinking about anything. He said he has a week off coming up soon and he's just going to sit in a room not thinking about anything but going back to work.
Rachel asked if he worries about what's going on with the country. Howard said he's terribly worried about this country. He said there are people who are good at their jobs and he believes in the checks and balances. He said there are good congress people and others in government who are doing a good job. Howard said there are people he worries about and the economy and all of that. Howard said we should feel united over things but he feels we're sinking. He said he is really worried. He said he was all for Obamacare and all of that. He said it wasn't perfect but it was a move in the right direction. Rachel said that they haven't been able to pass anything with Trump yet. She said that there's something that doesn't make sense with the republicans not being able to pass bills with Trump in office. She said that something is really off. Howard said this is why he had her in there. He said he has to make sense of this. Rachel said she's sorry.
Howard gave Rachel a plug for her show and said that Fallon and Colbert call her Maddow like ''Shadow.'' Rachel said that's the correct pronunciation. She said she's not offended in the way he says it. Howard gave her some more plugs and said her name the way Colbert and Fallon say her name. Howard said she's also on channel 118 there on SiriusXM.
Rachel said she loves Howard. She said she doesn't like doing other media but she loves doing Howard's show. She said she'll come on anytime. Howard said he'll have her back. He said they should swap hair some day. He said she'd look good with his Fro.
Howard asked Rachel what she's doing today. She said she's going to the dentist after this. She said she's trying to take care of herself. Howard said Beth thinks she should wear a necklace. Rachel said she has a very long neck and she can't do that. Howard said they have this discussion every night. He told her to talk to Beth about that. Robin said she should wear that thing that African women wear to extend their necks. Howard wrapped up and went to break after that. As they went to break they played a Crackhead Bob call to a Chinese restaurant where he tried to place an order.
- Jeff, Gary's Throat & More. 05/26/17. 8:05am
Next on today's replay show they played a segment where Howard talked about Jeff the Drunk, Gary's throat clearing and more. Here's my rundown:
Street Interviews, Phony Phone Call And More. 05/22/17. 9:00am
After the break Howard came right back and said he loves to sing and he's awesome at it. Howard said he might be bragging. He said his one octave range is awesome.
Howard said Sal went out on the street to find out what people think about Roger Ailes dying. Howard played a clip of Sal asking women if they think that these women suing Roger caused his death.
Howard said there is a female supporter of Roger in there. He played a clip of her talking about how she thinks that he was a good person and helped everyone out. She said they were selfish and creeps. Howard said she's an amazing woman. Howard said she says if he wants sex, just give it to him.
Howard had another clip of Sal talking to a guy about Roger Ailes and that guy was a supporter of his. He was telling them to suck his dick and good for Roger. Robin said that man needs to be arrested, where's Brent?
Howard played a song parody about Roger Ailes where they had clips of women talking about what he allegedly asked them to do.
Howard played a phony phone call Lee Kingsnatch made to this radio show hosted by a woman named Kathy. Lee had a friend on the phone with him who sang opera to Kathy.
Howard also played a Lenny Dykstra and Ronnie Mund album commercial parody.
Howard asked if Robin got that album yet. Robin said not yet. IT's not the kind of music she usually listens to.
More Calls And Various Discussions. 05/22/17. 9:10am
Gary said that Beth just tweeted out that she likes Howard's singing but when he sings the same thing over and over again it gets annoying. Howard said that's because he doesn't know all of the lyrics. Howard sang Black Hole Sun again. Howard said he just repeats that over and over again. He said Beth doesn't like that. Gary told Howard she ended that tweet with #annoying. Howard said maybe it is annoying.
Howard said he should get her on the phone. Gary said he can do that. Howard said he was singing while she was texting so he didn't think it was that big of a deal. Howard said he's going to sing it for Beth and she'll get annoyed. Howard said he was caught up in guitar for a while and Beth wouldn't even listen to that. Robin laughed.
Howard said he used to sing 'Old Man' and Beth didn't want to hear that. Gary said Beth can't talk. He said she's in the vet's office. Howard said he would only annoy her with his singing anyway. Howard said she's so into animal rescue it's ridiculous. Robin said she knows every specialist and everything that needs to be done and seen out there. Howard said they have a bunch of new kittens. Howard said they rescued a bunch of kittens from a drain pipe. Howard said they got 5 out of 6 of the kittens and they're living in the house now. Howard said they're almost ready to be adopted. Robin asked if Beth gets broken up when she gives them away. Howard said she does and so does he.
Howard took a call from Tommy from Malden who asked what he thought about Melania not covering her head in Saudi Arabia. Howard said she shouldn't do it. Howard said fuck them. Howard said that a woman shouldn't have to cover her head. Howard said it's 2017.
Howard said he was reading an article in the NY Times. He said it was the greatest article ever. He said Sotheby's was having a big art auction and they had a Jean-Michel Basquiat painting sell for $110 million. Howard said he was reading about how many bidders send people to bid on these things. Howard said sometimes you don't know who spent that kind of money on a painting. Howard said they have a balcony there at the action and they have a scrim where Leonardo DiCaprio was hiding. Howard said some people like that don't like being seen. Howard said they say that Leo was there and he appeared to be canoodling with a female. Howard said this guy can't go anywhere without a hot chick. Howard said he still plays the angle even though he can get any chick he wants. Howard said she's going to want to fuck him either way. Howard said it's in a guy's DNA.
Howard said he was talking to his friend Wayne who owns a car dealer and he was telling him about how guys come in and tell their girl to pick out a color. Then the guy puts a deposit down and they hold the car for a while. Then the guy has no money and they don't buy the car. Howard said Wayne said he won't let guys do that anymore. He said they have to buy the car. Howard said Leo is doing that but on another level. Howard said Leo could bring a girl to a hanging and he'd still get laid.
Howard took a call from a guy who said it seems like he's crow barring his wife into every segment. Howard told him to get the fuck off his phone. Howard said he sits there entertaining people for 4 hours a day and that's what he gets. Howard said he's talking about his life so of course his wife is going to be included. Howard said you never hear about Human Newman's wife so tune into that. Howard said go watch Kelly and Ryan. Howard said he hates his listeners. He said he's getting new ones. He said what an asshole that guy is. Howard said that's a real crowbar move of his. He said he's sharing his personal life. He said it was all about Chris Cornell. Howard said just cancel all subscriptions so he can get out of there. He said return everyone's money. He said don't listen if you don't like it. Howard said he wants to go home.
Howard said he reads articles about crazy shit about how he doesn't know what he's doing. Howard said he's not an idiot. He said that his fans annoy him. Howard said he was watching the Billboard awards and they have the band The Chainsmokers talking about how they have to thank their fans. Howard said as soon as they stop writing hits their fans are going to bail. Howard said they're coming on the show soon actually.
Howard said he saw Weezer on Jimmy Fallon and they have a new song out. Howard said it sounded pretty good. Howard had some of the song to play. Howard said you have to stick with it. Howard said he watched them all the way through. He said that lead singer is Rivers something. Fred said it's Rivers Cuomo.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who was wondering if he's ever grown a long moustache. Howard said he had one back in the day. He said his moustache looked really bad. He said it's so stupid. Robin said he had one when she first met him. Howard said he was fat and had a moustache. He said he's not sure why he thought it would look good. He said that he'd smell it and tug on it all the time. Jeff said he has a good one. Howard said he doesn't believe him. Robin said he may be waxing the ends and twirling it. Howard said if he were Jeff he'd worry more about his health. Howard said people mistreat their body and then they wonder ''Why me?'' Jeff said he's not going to be like that. Howard said he's already like that. Jeff said he doesn't go ''Why me?'' Howard said he will do it eventually.
Howard said he doesn't know why he echoes with Jeff. He said he's trying to hang with him. Howard said he just read about a guy who had a fantasy of going to Mt. Everest but the guy went and died up there. Howard said he won't even walk on a main road because he's afraid of being hit. Howard said his parents don't do anything. He said his mother won't go out to eat anymore. Howard said they aren't being exposed to anything.
Jeff told Howard that he's not on Periscope. Howard said his parents wont give up. He said they aren't enjoying anything. Robin said that people who race boats are enjoying it right up until the end. Howard said Jeff has no right to say ''Why me?'' when something happens to him. Howard said it's weird that Jeff is still around but Chris Cornell is gone. Howard said Jeff has it all. He has that trailer and that moustache. Howard said he has the life that he's looking for. Jeff said he's not walking the streets.
Howard asked Jeff what he did all weekend. Jeff said he watched TV and drank. He smoked some weed too. Howard said the guy never had to work. He asked who the asshole is. Jeff said it's not him. Howard asked Robin who the asshole is. Robin said it isn't Jeff.
Howard let Jeff go and said that people want to see The Rock run as president. Howard said this is what's coming down to in the country. Howard said he made fun of it on Saturday Night Live but he's beating Trump in a real poll. Howard said people are off their rockers. He said people have to serve the public in some way before becoming president. Howard asked what that thought process is. Howard said it's a weird thought. He said The Rock is an idiot. Howard said he's not a great thinker. Howard said he's starting to think he's a genius. Howard said he's not though. He was a wrestler and now a movie star. He said that he should get a law degree and figure out how to read that stuff first. Howard said he can body slam ISIS. Howard said he enjoyed the guy on Saturday Night Live but so what. Howard said he's smart enough to know that he's an idiot. Howard said he's not qualified to be President.
Howard said when he ran for governor he was just goofing on it. He said he started getting votes and he wondered what the fuck people were thinking. Howard said he had 23 percent of the votes in the polls for that election. Howard said Sal was going to vote for him. He said Sal didn't care that he was going to be the worst governor ever.
Howard took a call from Speech Impediment Man and said he'll take a break after that. Howard said he has to get to Wolfie at some point. He said he has some interviews of his to play. Howard said he may not have enough time.
Speech was clearing his throat so Robin asked who that was. Howard said it's Speech Impediment Man. He said he's like Gary clearing his throat first thing in the morning. speech let out a cough so Howard asked what the fuck is going on. Speech said he's just waiting. Howard said call in when he has his shit together. Howard said Gary has to clear his throat before he comes in the studio. He said he can hear it out there though. Howard said he can't even do it. Howard said you can hear every goober in his throat. Howard played a song parody with Gary clearing his throat in it. Howard said that's the soundtrack of his life.
Speech was laughing. Howard spent more time talking about Gary clearing his throat. Howard asked the guys who else hears that. JD said he does clear now and then. Howard said he does it just as he's walking in the studio. He said Gary knows he can hear it. Jason said that Gary does one last lap before he goes in. He said he'll walk back to the office and then clear it and then go back to the studio door. Howard said it's like a cuckoo clock. He said he's ready to throw up from it. Howard said he does it as he's walking into the compound but he's walking in at the same time as he is.
Howard asked the guys if the's correct about this. Jason said that he's backing him up on that clearing the phlegm thing. They played another song parody with Gary clearing his throat.
Howard said sometimes he can't eat from that. Robin said Gary says he can't help it because it's become a nervous tick. Howard said just wait for him to come into the studio and then do it. Howard said the guys think it's his terrible diet. Howard said he doesn't eat any vegetables.
Speech Impediment Man asked if Howard has seen the ''Alex Baldwin'' host the Match Game. Howard said he saw it the first time it was on. Speech said he thinks he's trying to be like Richard Dawson. Howard said he has to go. Speech asked if he's been contacted to host. Howard said he has had many offers to host game shows. He said at this point in his life it would be very difficult to take on more. He said his fantasy is to go home and watch the wall like Speech Impediment Man. Robin said it hasn't killed Jeff or Speech Impediment Man. Howard said his dad retired at 59 and sat home reading the paper. He said about 10 years after that his dad loved being retired. He said this is work. Howard said people say he'll go crazy if he doesn't work. Howard asked why he can't be like everyone else in the world. Howard said he doesn't love work. He said it annoys the shit out of him. Speech Impediment Man said he had one more thing to tell him. He said he's moving back to California and he's going to do more comedy. He said he's going to come back and prove him wrong. Howard wished him luck and let him go.
Howard said you never see anyone with a speech impediment make it. He said that he told this kid with a stutter on America's Got Talent that he might want to think about another career. Howard said he was trying to be nice about it but everyone got upset. Howard said he can't beat Nils Loftgren at basketball because he doesn't have the skills. Howard said Howie Mandel was arguing with him about this kid. Howard said just stop it. Robin said J-Lo is taking every job she can now. She said she's a singer and she's on that NBC show where she's a cop. Howard said it's called ''Blue'' because it blows. Robin said now she's going to be the host of a dance show after America's Got Talent. He said she's turning into Ryan Seacrest with tits.
Howard took a call from Apples who said that The Rock is a really hard working guy. Howard said he didn't say he wasn't. He asked if he's for real. Howard said that if The Rock is serious about being president then tell them what's in the health care bill. Howard said stop it with this nonsense already. Howard said he's in these dumb movies. Howard said go be mayor of a small town first. Howard said come on. He asked what the fuck he's doing. He hung up on Apples. Howard asked if everyone is that stupid.
Howard said he has nothing against The Rock but he shouldn't be president. Howard said he has done movies and it's fun, it's not hard work. Howard said he's going to throw up. He played a Ronnie the Limo Driver ''Ass Chreaks'' snack commercial parody and went to break a short time later.
- Ronnie Sleeps Naked. 05/26/17. 9:00am
Next on today's replay show they played a segment where Howard found out about Ronnie sleeping naked. Here's my rundown:
Howard's Fascination With Billy Bush. 05/23/17. 7:00am
Howard started the show talking about how every morning for the last 20 years he's asked Fred how he's doing and he doesn't hear him because he has headphones on. He said this morning he just said ''Nevermind.'' Howard said it amuses him every day. Fred said he never knew. Howard said Benjy used to try to tap him on the shoulder but he'd tell him not to bother.
Howard said his new fascination is Billy Bush. He said you didn't see him for a really long time after the Trump thing. He said that Billy lost his job at the Today show. Howard said his team has figured it's time to emerge from the ashes and try to get some work. Howard said people are asking why now? Howard said he thinks that maybe he's gone through some of the $9 million he got from NBC. Howard said either that or somebody figured it was time to get his name back out there. Howard said there's a teaser clip where Billy will be going on Good Morning America. Howard said you get drips and drabs of what's going on but now with the Ariana Grande bombing they may not get to it. Howard said he never predicted it would be at an Ariana Grande concert. Howard said he figured a Miley Cyrus concert. Howard said this is a horrible thing.
Howard said he has a teaser clip for the Billy Bush interview. Howard said he claims that after the incident he went to some sort of retreat and it sounds like a spa to him. Gary said it's in Napa and they have no communication at all for 7 days. He said you're alone with your own thoughts for 13 hours a day. Howard said he couldn't handle that. Gary said Billy was talking about bashing the negative patterns away with a baseball bat. Howard said that's only for celebrities.
Howard said the problem with Billy Bush is that he had a golden job. Howard said when he was starting out he would say stuff that got him in trouble. He had a high stress job. Howard said Billy didn't have that. He said his whole job was not to offend anyone. Robin said she's not even sure how he got on TV. Howard said he's a less controversial Ryan Seacrest. Robin asked how that's possible. Howard said he didn't offend anyone. Howard said Ryan has a job where his whole job is to just be pleasant. Howard said it was everything that his own career wasn't. Howard said he hated everyone and can't stand anyone. He said he's anti-everything. Howard said some people even said that Ryan was grown somewhere on a cue card reading farm.
Howard said you're not even sure where Billy Bush came from. He said he could do anything he wanted to do on the show. He said he had to smile and laugh and not offend anyone. He said he fucked it up. Howard said he went on TV with Trump and when he said he likes to grab women by the pussy Billy just laughed. Howard said that was it. You can't be caught.
Howard said if that happened to Ryan Seacrest he'd be out too. Howard said most of what he does doesn't offend anyone. Howard said when you have a golden job like Ryan and Billy had you just blend in with the wall behind you. He said you can't be the front man. He said he likens it to Tofu. He said it's there but it's not. It's bland. He said you have to put a lot of shit on it to be noticed. He said they're like Tofu with nothing on it.
Howard said Ryan Seacrest once said he prays that he doesn't say anything that offends anyone. Robin asked if that's true. Howard said no, just play along. Howard said Nick Cannon put on a turban and NBC got rid of him. He said the executives got freaked out by that. He said he's not shitting you about that. He said they really freaked out. Howard said he has to be Tofu and blend in with the wall. Howard said you can go one of many ways. He said you can be nice and pleasant but you have to wake up every morning and say ''Be mediocre.'' He said you can't say anything funny or offensive. Howard said a lot of what he says is offensive.
Howard said he did 15 minutes about something that was so offensive that he can't even say it himself. He said that's how fucked up everything is. Howard said Billy is going to go out and be interviewed by everyone now. He said once they see who he really is that's it. Gig over.
Howard said in this clip Billy Bush whips out the card to prove that he's okay and that's his daughter. Robin said he has 3. Howard said he knows what that's like. Howard played the clip and Billy was talking about his daughter Mary and what he told her about laughing along with Trump in that bus. He didn't have a good answer for that. Howard said he would have told Mary that she has to get fucking real. Howard said he was on a bus with Trump and he's just going along with it. Howard said he wanted to get the fucking interview and put money on the table. Howard said he'd tell her not to bust his balls over that. Howard said he'd ask her to get on his team. Howard said if he told Trump he was talking like an asshole he would have been out of work even sooner.
Howard said he's doomed. Robin said it wasn't about what Donald said. It was about him telling Donald to look at the woman who was heading toward him and asking what he thought of her. Howard said he heard Billy is going to talk about going to a Tony Robins seminar. Howard said he doesn't get that. He said Tony came out and said something. Gary said in an arena Tony walked out and went up to Billy and said ''One moment in your life doesn't define who you are.'' and the audience cheered. Howard said they walked over hot coals too, right? Gary said they did. Howard said he doesn't understand that.
Howard said go hunt terrorists with Brent if you want to do something. He said Billy is fucked. He said he doesn't see him working his way out of this one. Robin said Pat O'Brien never came back. Howard said he got a shot but he didn't get back to the same. He said you can't have that creepy shit going on. He said women don't like that. He said you have to keep that whole ruse going.
Ronnie Sleeps Nude. 05/23/17. 7:15am
Howard said he can do anything creepy because people expect it. He said Ronnie could never host an entertainment show. Howard said he was walking in and Ronnie was talking about how he sleeps naked. Howard said he was grossed out by that. Robin said she read a story about that yesterday. Howard said he heard he was in the halls talking about how he sleeps naked. Howard said he can't do that. He said he doesn't want Beth to see him naked. Howard said he kept his shirt on so she doesn't have to see him. He asked her to take her shirt off and she asked him to do the same. Howard said she doesn't need to see his belly. Howard said seeing him nude is a buzz kill. He said he'd fuck her through a sheet if he could.
Ronnie came in and told Howard about how he sleeps nude always. He said sometimes in the middle of the night you don't know what's going to happen. He said Stephanie sleeps nude too. Howard said sometimes things happen. Ronnie said it happened last night. He said he was asleep and Stephanie likes to cuddle up. He said she did and he must have felt it in his subconscious. He said the next thing he knew they were doing it in the dark. Howard asked if he woke up fucking. Ronnie said yeah. He said she was watching TV and he hates that when he's trying to sleep. Howard said he does that and it doesn't bother Beth.
Howard asked if Ronnie watches ''Into the Badlands.'' Ronnie doesn't watch it. Howard said the season finale was so stupid. He said the master karate guy is going up against this big fatso and they're doing all of this fighting and they only have swords and knives and things like that. He said they battle for 10 minutes and they're flying through the air. Then the good guy takes his sword and plunges it into the guy's chest. He said the guy is dead. Then he goes over to his wife and tells her that the guy is dead. Then he rises up and grabs the wife and kills her. He said he was like ''Fuck this show.'' He said you always go over and check to see if the guy is dead. Howard said he was clearly dead but then he just rises up. Howard said it was like nothing happened. Howard said ''Fuck you Into the Badlands.''
Howard said he loves these fighting shows but these mother fuckers... He said they had a 10 minute battle where the sword went through the guy and he doesn't chop off his neck. Howard said he should have.
Howard said Ronnie was fucking while he was watching Into the Badlands. Howard said he was actually in bed by 6:30 last night. He said he played one game of chess and lost and then he went to bed. He said he has the hope of winning and he loses. Howard said he plays on the computer on the ICC. Ronnie said you don't know who you're playing, right. Howard said he doesn't. He said that he would play against people who would let the timer run out so they'd win. Howard said that they'd be losing and they should have resigned but they don't. He said they make him sit there waiting. Howard said he would write a note to them and ask what kind of person they are. Howard said he'd sit there waiting for his win. He said he imagines that he could be getting pussy but he's playing 7 year olds on the internet.
Howard said he never sleeps naked. He said your ass is on the sheets. He said it's disgusting. Ronnie asked if anyone there sleeps naked. Fred said he doesn't. Howard said he heard he was going around asking. Ronnie said he asked JD this morning. JD said yesterday he did say something about the news story. Ronnie said he wasn't talking to anyone. He said he just made a comment.
Howard asked if Ronnie looks good naked. Ronnie doesn't know. He said he doesn't care. He said that Stephanie doesn't say anything about it. Howard said Ronnie has hair all over his back. Ronnie said he shaves it off with a Man Groomer. He said whenever he mentions it he gets a ton of stuff from them. Ronnie said they have all kinds of attachments for cutting the hair. He said it works well. Ronnie said it's so much nicer without the hair in the summer. Howard asked if Stephanie feels stubble back there. Ronnie said that's not his problem. Howard asked if he gets hair all over the rug. Ronnie said he does it in the bathroom. He said he has a whole process. He said he tries not to clog up the drain with it. Ronnie said he lays down newspaper and throws it out.
Howard said he wondered why he was buying newspapers. Howard said he knows he doesn't read it. He said he heard Sal shaves his belly and chest every day. He said he's such a douche. Howard said he has to wear underwear at night. He said he dribbles at night. Ronnie said he doesn't have that problem. He said his prostate is a little enlarged. He said next week he's going to his urologist dude. Ronnie said he doesn't have the dribbles yet. Howard said his dick has a turban. He said NBC never found out about it though.
Howard said after he pees he takes two tissues and sticks them around his cock in his underpants. He said he gets dribble. Robin said he pulls his pants back up after that. Howard said he does. He said he has a turban around his dick. He said sometimes after he jerks off he does that and then forgets and pulls it off too quick and it hurts. Howard said he's wrapped up for the night. He said he has work to do if he has sex with Beth. He said he doesn't want her to see his turban.
Howard said he has too many bodily fluids coming out of him. He said his dick gets irritated if it's flopping around. He said it irritates him. Howard said he doesn't want to be nude. He doesn't like it. Ronnie said he loves the feeling of the sheets on his dick.
Howard said he's horrified by his body. He said he's shocked that they're not. Ronnie said she has to look at it, not him.
Howard said Beth has told him that the guys she was with in the past would walk around naked and she was grossed out by it. Howard said they weren't The Rock or anything. Howard said he's trying to convince her that he's Orlando Bloom. Howard and Ronnie saw a story about Orlando fucking a waitress that was really hot. Howard said Donald Trump taught him years ago that waitresses are hotter than actors. Howard said they're friendly too. Howard said Orlando Bloom, according to this article, broke up with Katy Perry and went out and fucked this waitress. Howard said Katy wasn't hot enough for Orlando. Howard said he saw him naked with Katy and his cock was huge. Howard said if he had one like that he'd be nude all the time. Howard said then he'd be naked. Howard said you don't even see him in a lot of movies because he's so busy fucking. Ronnie said that's what that waitress said about fucking him. Howard said this woman worked at a hotel and Orlando was there for 5 days. He invited her up to his room for a drink and he fucked her. Howard said after that she wasn't angry. He said they came in and saw her in the room and she got fired over it. Howard said she was like ''I don't give a fuck'' and let them fire her. Howard said this chick never got his phone number either.
Howard said there is no phone numbers exchanged or anything. He said he just fucked her. Howard said this woman said she won't comment on what happened. He said she's smoking hot. Howard said she said he banged the fuck out of her. Howard read some details about how amazing it was for her and how he was a great lover. Robin said now they know what his real talent is.
Robin asked how they put beautiful women in a hotel and don't expect them to do stuff with people. Howard said that he wants Fred to call the Post and let them know what a good lover he is. Fred said he's the best he's ever had.
Ronnie asked what Howard sleeps in. Howard said he told him a few minutes ago. He said he sleeps in a t-shirt and he has to change it in the middle of the night because he sweats through it. Howard said even Beth gets wet from his sweat. Howard said he's a mess. He said he has hot flashes like a woman. He said his body thinks he is a woman. He said he got a note from Adam Levine asking if he really watches The Bachelorette. He said he wanted to blow his brains out after watching it. Howard said he told him not to be so macho. Ronnie said he's glad Stephanie doesn't watch that shit.
Howard said they have the first black Bachelorette and he didn't see it last night. Howard said it's the first one. Howard said they usually have white people as the Bachelorette and they have like 2 black people on and they wait a couple of weeks before kicking them off.
Howard took a call from a guy who was dry heaving talking about Ronnie sleeping naked. Howard told him about shaving his back and all of that stuff and the guy kept dry heaving. Howard told him more and more and the guy would dry heave. Howard said he shaves his back every 2 weeks and then rolls over on his girlfriend. Ronnie said he's not sure what even happened last night. He said he woke up with a hard on or something and she asked if he was supposed to be sleeping. He said he was wide awake. Howard said he's so romantic. He asked Robin how romantic that is. Robin said when he got to the piss hard on she was taken. Howard and Fred did their Ronnie impressions talking about his piss hard on. They went on and on talking like Ronnie might do with Stephanie.
Howard said he likes Ronnie's subconscious. He said that his conscious thoughts are bad and so are his subconscious thoughts. Ronnie said she signed up for it. Howard said he told her to squirt or drink his pissy jizz. Ronnie said the piss boners are the best. Howard said it points to where it's supposed to go. Ronnie said they're like logs. Howard said that must be some bedroom. Robin said there's nothing more romantic.
Howard said there's Ronnie's sex life. Howard said those piss hard ons are the best. Fred said she's going to be wearing his balls like hairy earrings. Ronnie said they're not hairy. Howard said he makes creepiness an art form.
Howard thanked Ronnie and let him go. Howard said no one else came forward to say they sleep nude. Howard said Richard must. He asked if he does but then said he doesn't care. Sal said he doesn't sleep nude. He sleeps in sweats. Ronnie asked who does that. Howard said he doesn't know. He said it's enough of this. Howard said he's a sleep expert. They played a song parody about Ronnie and went to break after that.
- Scott Salem Doesn't Pay. 05/26/17. 9:55am
Next on today's replay show they played a segment where Howard found out about Scott the Engineer not paying Jason for his NY Mets ticket. Here's my rundown:
Robin's Wind Chimes. 05/24/17. 7:00am
Howard started the show playing a fake Joan Rivers telling them who is on the show today. Rachel Maddow is coming in. Howard said it's good to hear Joan's voice.
Howard said he spent a lot of time thinking about Robin yesterday. He said she told a story yesterday. He said he's stuck on the fact that she has 6 wind chimes at her house. Howard said she said that her neighbors couldn't hear her wind chimes. Robin said she recorded them with her phone. Robin said she recorded them right near the chimes. She said you could year how loud they were. Robin said she went to her fence and recorded to see if they could be heard there. Howard said this drove him crazy. He said she has her ears. He said she could listen to hear. Robin said she did it for Howard. She didn't do that for herself. Howard said he found it hard to believe she was walking around recording them. Howard said she's gone off the deep end. Robin said she recorded it for Howard so he'd have proof. Howard said he's the wind chime police. Robin said that's right.
Howard asked Robin how she has time to do that. Robin said it was on the weekend and it didn't take long. She said it bothered her that he would think she'd be so oblivious to other people. Howard said he wishes he had video of that.
Howard said Eli Braden wrote a song about her wind chimes. Howard played some of that. It was about sticking them in her ass.
Howard said he thought that she'd have Captain Dennis recording that stuff for her. Howard said they actually made a phony phone call about wind chimes. Howard played the call and Richard had wind chimes playing behind him as he was talking about how he uses them to calm himself down. The hosts of the radio show he called were saying they sounded pretty. Then they got louder and louder. The hosts kept saying they were pretty but then Richard couldn't hear them. They eventually hung up on Richard and said they can check in with him to see if he's moved away. The wind chimes were even louder when they checked in. Richard called in one more time but they hung up immediately.
Howard asked how much weed those women smoked before doing that show where they thought it sounded good. Howard said Robin's wind chimes are even louder than that. He said Robin actually did a walk around her property to make sure her wind chimes aren't annoying. Howard said Captain Dennis should go out and do that because he's not biased. Robin said he can hear the tape if he wants. She said it's not a subjective thing. Howard said Robin works too hard. He said in addition to all she does she did that too. Howard said everything bothers him. He said he hates wind chimes. He said he doesn't like that. He said he doesn't like that people don't consider that other people might not want to hear that. Robin said she would take them down if they annoyed people. Howard said when you're sitting outside and hear that it's not good. He said wind is a beautiful noise. Robin said wind is distracting.
Robin said you can still hear the wind and the birds. Howard said they're adding more noise pollution. Robin said it's her's and leave her alone. Howard said he's going to continue to talk about it.
Scott The Engineer Owes Jason 76 Bucks. 05/24/17. 7:10am
Howard said they were talking about Chris Cornell dying and how Beth doesn't like to hear him singing the song ''Black Hole Sun.'' He said he stopped because Beth was so upset about it. Howard said the guys took tape of him singing the song and tried to pass it off to people on the street as Chris' last performance. Howard played the clip and Sal was playing the clip of him singing the song. People were saying that it sounds like his voice is gone and he might have been sick. Howard said it wasn't a suicide, he was ill. Howard said he loves that tape. He ads he thinks he sounded horrible. Howard said that guy was a big Chris Cornell fan too. He said one guy thought he was transitioning into a pirate. Howard said in his mind he sounds good. Howard said he'd think he was doing a good job if he heard it in the shower.
Howard said a couple of the guys in the office are going to a Met game tonight. He said that they're trying to bond. Howard said that's great. He said Jason sent out an email asking if anyone wanted to go and how he'd pay. Howard said they got their tickets and everyone paid him back right away other than one person. It was Scott the Engineer. Howard asked what he's waiting for. He said it's a thing with him. Robin said don't go and stop bothering people.
Howard said Jason said he's not going to chase the guy for the $60. He said it's ridiculous. Howard said that's Scott's thing. Howard asked where he is. Gary said he'll be there in a second.
Howard said Scott must be collecting interest in his 60 bucks. Robin said it's like a kid trying to get attention. Howard said if there's a rain delay he probably won't pay because here wasn't a game. Howard said Scott is wearing his Mets cap now. Scott came in and said he'll pay Jason today. Howard said everyone paid weeks ago. Scott said it's not the first thing on his mind. He said Jason will get paid. Howard said he knows it's not the first thing on his mind but he could pay the guy.
Howard said this happens with the betting pool they do. He said it's that thing they do. He was talking about Fantasy Football. Gary said that they have a rule about not paying by a certain date. Scott said whatever it is. Howard said he sounds beaten. Scott said he's like that every day. Howard said he could pay him but not wait for the actual day.
Scott said it's not at the top of his list but he will pay him. He said he will get the money. Howard asked if Scott would ever be that guy to set up the game day and pay. Scott said no. Scott said he told Jason he'd pay him. Robin said he knew he owed him. Howard said Scott makes it a big event.
Howard said Jason said he could be paid in many ways. Cash, check, PayPal and Venmo are the ways he said he could be paid. Howard said Jason isn't Rockefeller. He said he had to lay out the money. He said everyone paid other than Scott. Scott said that's the way it goes. He said don't invite him then. He doesn't give a fuck. Jason said this is no fun.
Howard asked if Jason got paid today. Jason said he didn't. He said he could have come to his desk first thing this morning and paid him. Howard said it seems like Scott thinks he's going to collect interest on it until the last second. Scott said hold on to your money until the very end.
Howard asked how much it is. Jason said it's $76. He said he set it up 3 weeks ago. today is game day. Jason said 80 percent paid him in the first week. He said he was looking at the spreadsheet and he knew Scott would be the last mother fucker to pay. He said by Monday there were 4 people. He said everyone else has paid other than Scott.
Howard said there has to be something psychological going on. Scott said he pays his bills when they're due. Howard said this isn't a bill. He said it's a coworker. Howard said Jason has bills to pay too. Jason said Scott is going to make him feel bad for taking the money.
Scott was going to give Jason $100 and not even go. He said he has personal things going on so this isn't at the top of his list. Howard said maybe he's a secret financial genius and his money is tied up in something. He said maybe he's getting payments from the Russians. Howard said just pay the fucking guy. Howard said he swears that his whole life he couldn't stand to owe people money. Scott said he can't stand it either. Howard said it bothers him so he pays off immediately.
Jason asked if Scott got paid money this week. Scott said he did get money yesterday. Howard asked if he had no money up until now. Scott said he's not getting into it. Howard said he's like Trump with his taxes. Howard said they get paid on Friday. Scott said he's not going to get into it. Howard said he's trying to make it sound like something happened but this has been his M.O. his whole life.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Jason is a rat and Scott said he'd pay today. Scott said he just showed him the money. The caller said he could have paid and this wouldn't matter. Howard said it's interesting that Scott is always the guy who pays last. Jason said there are 20 other people who paid without him asking about it. Scott said he didn't bring this up. He said Jason was the one who brought it up. Jason said he's right, he's wrong for bringing it up. Scott said he told him to pay him by game day. Scott said he will give him the money and he would have done it right away if he asked for it. Howard said he's either super boring or super angry. He said Scott is getting so angry over this. He said he blows up and says ''Fuck you!''
Scott said he tries to stay calm and relaxed. Scott said Jason is a pain in his ass. Howard said Jason said the $76 included free beer and food. Jason said it's a special section where you get that stuff free. Howard said Scott is going to make up for it in beer. Scott said he's just having one beer.
Howard said Scott came into some money and he's paying Jason. Scott said he hasn't paid yet. Howard took a call from a woman who said that Scott is her gigolo and she pays him to do stuff. She said that's where he got the money.
Howard told Gary to tell the story about Scott at the meetings. Gary said people come to the meeting and Scott doesn't mute his phone. He said it's the old fashioned ring and he just hits the button and doesn't answer it. He said he doesn't put it on vibrate. He said he asked him why he doesn't do that and he just stared at him. Howard said that's the way he's looking at him now.
Scott said he does put it on vibrate now. Jason said he doesn't. Gary said they like having Scott there because he always does something inappropriate at the meetings. Jason said he pulls out Bailey the Bedbug about once a month too. Howard said when you're at a writing meeting you can't evaluate everyone's ideas. Scott said it was a joke. He said they know when he's joking.
Howard said he heard Gary isn't sitting with the other guys today. He has his own seat. Scott said he's the elite. He said Gary thinks he's better than everyone. Scott said he walked into the bullpen the other day and Gary said ''Oh, you still work here?'' Gary said he was just busting balls like they've been doing there for 30 years.
Howard asked who is going to sit with Scott today. Jason laughed and said no one. Howard said Ronnie likes Scott. He said he's not sure why. Jason said that Ronnie and Scott are the same age and they've gone two different directions in life. He said Ronnie is loving life and Scott is miserable. He said Ronnie paid him immediately. Scott said he has a cash flow problem right now. Howard said he's had that problem for 30 years. Scott said it's bad right now. Howard asked who he doesn't want to sit next to. Scott said he likes everyone.
Howard asked Gary why he's not sitting with the guys. Gary said he has a friend who will be there and he's sitting with them. He said he gave his ticket that Jason got to someone who couldn't afford it. Howard asked if that's acceptable. Scott said it's fine.
Howard asked if Jason has been paid yet. Jason laughed and said no. Scott asked why Gary didn't give him the ticket. Gary said he didn't know he was having cash flow problems. Gary gave it to a kid there who couldn't afford it. Scott said he was just kidding.
Jason said that Scott is so cheap. Howard said Scott was pissed that Gary didn't invite him to the World Series. Scott said he was pissed because he asked if he knew anyone who could get him tickets and Gary said he did but he can't use them. Gary said Scott also insinuated that he didn't pay for them but he did. Jason said he knows someone who didn't pay for tickets. Howard asked who. Jason said ''Scott.''
Howard said he has to hear Angry Scott again. He said he's like the Hulk. Scott said he doesn't like angry Scott. Howard played a clip of Scott yelling at Mike Gange back at K-Rock. He was screaming at him to get out of his face and that he was pissed about him using tape he told him he wouldn't use.
Howard said Scott is boring Scott 95 percent of the time and then that 5 percent he blows up. Howard played another clip of Scott yelling at him that he had ''better pay off'' when he did the push up challenge. Scott said that person doesn't exist anymore. Howard said he just saw him like 2 minutes ago. Scott said it wasn't at that level. Howard did his Scott impression and had him acting like the Hulk.
Howard said he wondered if Jason would have gotten his money today. Jason said the rain out thing scares him. If the game gets rained out he thinks he may not get paid. Scott said he was going to pay him this morning if he had seen him. Jason said he could have come to see him first thing. Jason said it's expected so it's almost like it's his thing. Howard said he'd never do that because he doesn't want to chase people around to get money.
Howard said that Jason will get his money according to Scott. Jason said that maybe he won't pay until he's at the game. Maybe in the 7th inning. Scott said if the Mets lose he's fucked. Howard asked who's going. Jason told Howard some of the guys who will be there. He said Richard and Sal won't be going. He said that he and Gary tried to get Jon Hein to go but he's not going. Robin said he's probably not going because he's not a Mets guy. Jason said he doesn't know what his deal is. Howard said this stuff isn't on Scott's mind but he did wear the Mets cap today.
Howard said it's funny that Jon Hein isn't going. Howard said Jon makes Scott look like Louis C.K. Jason said Jon has been walking around with a black cloud over his head. He said he's not sure what's going on with Jon. Howard said maybe it's Jason. He said maybe that's why he won't go to the Mets game. Jason said he's not sure about that. Howard said maybe he has a big head from having his own TV show. Scott said he talks to Jon and he's fine.
Howard did his impression of Scott and talked about how he had things to do like vacuum out his bowling bag and things like that. Howard said he was going to pay for his ticket yesterday but he introduced drying paint to growing grass.
Howard said Ronnie is living it up lately. He asked if that drives Scott crazy. Scott said sometimes. Howard said if you saw his life you'd know why he's jealous. Howard was still doing his Scott impression talking about how his life is bowling and cigarettes.
Jason said that there's a theory that Scott is the one guy who is depressed on a Friday. Howard said things will change and get better. Howard said there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Scott said he's praying for the end of that tunnel. Howard said he sees Scott living to like 95 or 100. He said he thought it would end in his 60s but he's going to go on and on.
Howard asked Scott what he's going to do about the game. Scott said he's going to stay there and leave round 4:30 or 5. He said he might offer a ride to a few people. Fred did his Scott voice and asked if anyone wanted to go in the Smokemobile. Robin said she drove his car and the bowling ball was rolling around in the trunk. She said she thought it was a head or body rolling around.
Howard and the guys were all doing their Scott impressions goofing on him. They were all cracking up. Howard asked Scott if he would pay for the tolls. Scott said he'll pay for tolls and parking and gas. Jason said he's going to drive his own car over there. Howard asked if he asked anyone to go with him. Scott said he did but they wanted to take the subway. They'd rather risk getting stabbed than go with Scott. Howard said he thinks they'd rather sit next to a homeless guy who shit himself over Scott.
Howard wondered if anyone will ride with him. He said he'd rather take a ride with Princess Di's driver who crashed. Fred played a car crashing sound.
Howard asked if Scott vapes in the car. Jason said he's never been in there. He said Scott has a vape thing that looks like an old water gun. Scott said he ordered it online. Howard and Fred did their impressions of Scott answering that question about where it got it. Robin asked if Scott cam move his lips when he talks. Scott said he's never done that. He said he doesn't want to get the words out because he has nothing to say.
Howard asked to see the vape thing. Scott showed it and Howard said it looks like Mr. Freeze's gun. Howard asked if he thinks that's good for him. Scott said he doesn't think it's good for him. Howard asked if he has any of those vape flavors. Scott said he has banana. He likes coffee too. Howard said those are his favorite things.
Howard took a call from the president of the vape company. He said that Scott still hasn't paid for his vape. Scott said he thought he did.
Howard had the president of the Mets on the phone. He asked Scott to please say home tonight. It was the guys in the back calling in and joking around of course.
Howard asked if Scott will complain about the hamburger tonight. Jason said he complains about everything. Gary said Scott was complaining about a $100 gift card they got. Jason said Robin got them gift cards and it costs like 3 bucks to activate it so Scott was complaining about it being less than $100. Robin said she's sorry she gave him a gift. Scott said that was like 10 years ago. Howard said he'd never complain about that today. Scott said he wouldn't complain about that now.
Howard said Scott will complain about the beer too. Jason said he'll complain it's domestic beer or that the line is too long. Howard said he'll complain that his free burger is too cold. Jason said he's already complaining about the Mets not doing that well this year. Howard asked if he'll complain about the game if they're losing. Scott said yes.
Jason said Scott really is bad luck. He said they went to the new stadium when it was brand new and a sewer pipe broke when they were there. He said it was a brand new stadium.
Howard asked about a story where Scott got upset about not being invited to a meeting. Gary said it was a writer's meeting and Scott went up to Will asking why he wasn't invited. Will said he could go if he wanted but Scott didn't even want to go. Scott said he was just busting balls about that too.
Howard took a call from Death who asked him to please get Scott out of the studio. He said he's boring. Death also said he'll be seeing Jason soon.
Howard said Jason told him that he wasn't going to chase Scott for the money. Scott said he doesn't have to chase him. Death said if Scott had a burger Jason would chase him.
Howard said the day that death comes he hopes there's 70 hot virgins for Scott. He said he's praying for him. He said he's never seen a sadder human being. Jason said Scott would be complaining about that too. He'd ask why Gary got 72 virgins.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she can't take it anymore and jumped out a window. Jason said to wrap this up he was hoping that he'd just pay because he's not a bank. He said he didn't know Scott's financial situation when he bought him that ticket. Howard said Scott should have to pay in advance. Howard said just because Jason is the shape of a piggy bank doesn't mean he is one.
Howard took a call from 72 virgins who were waiting for Scott. Howard said Scott is on his way. Jason said they're all jumping off a building. They were all screaming. Howard said he has to take a break. He and Fred did their Scott impressions for a little longer.
Jason told Howard that Scott used to tell him what a shit business radio is. He said he was 22 and Scott was telling him how awful it was. Howard and Fred did their impressions of Scott telling Jason how awful it is.
Shuli came in and said one of the things they remember was that Scott was making crazy good money on the Block Party and then he demanded that he make more and he wanted to see the figures. Scott said he didn't demand more. He asked to be paid equally. Howard said he was a shining star for a whole week. Shuli said that he called Scott's phone one night at a show while he was playing music through it. He said the ring went through the whole place.
Jason said that Scott had it made with that gig. He said he was doing nothing. He said the money he was making was something he couldn't believe. Jason said he could have done one gig with Shuli and paid for that game ticket no problem. Shuli said Scott said that it was the principle of the thing.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that maybe they could treat somebody there and why is everyone so petty. Howard said these guys don't have money to pay for that. Mariann said that she'll pay for it. Howard said there you go. Jason said that's a whole different story. Jason said if Scott said he couldn't afford it then it would be a whole other story. Howard said he already hung up on her.
Howard played a clip of Scott doing material at a Ronnie's Block Party gig. Scott wasn't getting any laughs. He was getting booed. He just yelled out ''Go Cavaliers!'' since they were at a Cleveland gig. Jason said he did that material and then he's demanding more money. Howard did his Scott impression telling jokes and not getting any laughs. Fred was playing the ''Hands Up'' music while Howard did his impression of Scott telling unfunny jokes at the block party.
Shuli told a story about Scott blowing up when he told Scott that the bus engine blew up. Scott said he was the only one who didn't know it was a prank. Howard kept telling more jokes that Scott would tell. Fred was playing phone ring sounds behind Howard like he was on stage getting phone calls.
Howard thanked the guys and let them go. Howard said he hopes Jason gets his money. He went to break after that.
Today's show was over around 11:05am.