- Sarah Palin, Bill Cosby Clips And More. 10/01/14. 6:00am
Show opening bits and songs included: Audio of Evil Dave recording a phony PSA, a song parody about JD's girlfriend, Melissa Etheridge performing a cover of ''Only the Good Die Young'' live on the Billy Joel Town Hall special hosted by Howard Stern.
Howard started the show talking about a famous painting called The Diner by Edward Hopper. He said that Tom Adelsbach did a parody of it with Eric the Actor, Kenneth Keith Kallenbach, Hank the Dwarf and Blue Iris in it. Howard said that's on their web site. Howard said that Melissa Etheridge and Lena Dunham will be coming in today.
Howard said that they have a lot of things to get to. Howard said that he read about Sarah Palin getting the address of the White House wrong. Howard said she seems to get everything wrong. She said 1400 Pennsylvania Avenue. Howard said it's 1600 like everyone knows. Howard played a clip of her saying that. Howard said that Palin comes off really bad. He said someone has to get a hold of her.
Howard said just imagine she was a heartbeat away from being president. Howard said politicians work so hard to get there and she was picked by John McCain and she had almost no experience. Howard said that was a freaky thing. Howard said someone should have caught that she had no knowledge of the country. Howard said she's not well read. He said he thinks that public service is an admirable thing and some of these guys seem passionate about their jobs. Howard said he thinks there are people in congress who are into their jobs. Howard said there are people who are bright and do care. He said for her to get chosen is pretty remarkable. Howard said their Vice President was almost Paris Hilton.
Howard said he doesn't get Bill Cosby on these talk shows. He said he knows Bill doesn't like him too. He said Bill has had a big career. He said he broke racial barriers on TV shows and things like that. Howard said he's not being a dick. He said he doesn't get his comedy at all. He said that he saw him at the Felt Forum when he was a kid around 12. He said he didn't get what he was droning on about. Howard said he felt he had to get out of the theater. Howard said he's on the Colbert Report the other night and he doesn't get it. Howard played a clip of Colbert and Cosby talking and Cosby was rambling on about Betsy Ross making his shirt or something. Howard wondered if they're sweetening the laughter or something. Howard said he's getting big laughs and he's not sure what's so funny. Robin said maybe he was nude. Howard said he'd get that. Howard said he's trying not to be a dick about this. He said he knows it's hard to be funny. He said he just doesn't get him. He said he wants to be in on this and laugh with these people.
Howard played more of the interview and Bill Cosby was talking about how fun houses aren't fun at all. He said they're scary. Howard said he doesn't know what's going on with that. He said he doesn't get it. He's not sure why it irritates him either. Robin asked if he laughed at Bob Hope. Howard said he did. He said he was good at those monologues. Howard said he can enjoy a guy who has a couple of lines. Robin said he did this sort of thing where everything he said was supposed to be funny. Howard said he just doesn't get it.
Howard said those laughs can't be real. He said he just doesn't get it. Howard said it's like everyone around him is drunk and he's sober. Robin said there are comedy movies that aren't funny and they make hundreds of millions of dollars.
- High Pitch Eric Calls From The Hospital. 10/01/14. 6:15am
Howard had High Pitch Eric on the phone. He's in the hospital. Howard asked if this is a wake up call for Eric. Eric said it is. He said he was taken to the hospital after he blacked out twice on Sunday. He said on Monday he blacked out during a movie.
Howard asked what blacking out is like. He asked if he fell asleep or what. Eric said that his mind just goes blank. He said he doesn't know how long he blacked out. He said his mind would just go blank and then he wakes up. He said the movie was over already. Robin said she's had that happen but it's just sleeping. Howard said it sounds like a stroke or something is going on. Robin said it could be that they are strokes.
Howard said Eric eats all day long and he doesn't have the highest IQ. Howard said someone has to explain to him how to eat properly. Eric said he had two CAT scans. He said they put some dye in his veins and it was the worst feeling. He said he had a metal taste in his mouth.
Howard asked what Eric was watching when he blacked out. Eric said it was something on Netflix. He didn't remember what it was. Eric said the food at the hospital was good. He said he's diabetic and they had him on a special diet. Howard asked if he liked it. Howard said if he ate like that ever day he'd be fine.
Robin asked what Eric is doing by eating Oreo's for breakfast. Eric said they go with his coffee. Howard said he has to reorganize his life. He said he doesn't think he'll do that though. He said he will die young if he doesn't make a change.
Robin asked if he's going to have the lap band surgery. Eric said he's being pressured into doing that. He said he's stressed out by this whole thing. Howard said that he should be. He said he has to make changes in his life. Howard said he doesn't think Eric is capable of sitting down and eating the right thing. Howard said he doesn't have a family that can deal with him that well. He doesn't listen. He said he's deficient in a lot of things. Howard said he doesn't have the highest intelligence. Howard said there are a lot of people in that position.
Howard said he's not sure Eric would survive the surgery for his stomach. Eric said there are a lot of risks. Robin said he's not nervous about what he's been doing that's killing him. Howard said Joey Boots made a tape of Eric and he was having all kinds of junk food. He said he's out of control. Eric said he knows. Howard asked if he thinks he's capable of controlling his impulses. Howard asked if he wrote down a lunch, dinner and two fruits if he could follow that. Eric said he would. Howard said he doesn't think so. Eric said he has someone who is trying to help him get through this. Howard asked if he has someone close to him who wants to put him on a Mediterranean diet. Howard laughed. Eric said this guy owns a pita and hummus company and he wants to help him out. Howard said Richard Simmons is one of the best people to help and even he can't help people lose weight. Eric said this guy wants to help him and he's going to train him at the gym. Howard said it sounds good if he can do it.
Howard said Eric is scared now but he'll get home and see the food and he'll eat it. Howard said he doesn't have the will power to do it. Eric said he does. Howard said Eric is killing himself. He said he's going to start losing limbs if he doesn't control his diabetes. Eric said they took his blood test last week and said his white blood cells are very low and he has an infection in his white blood cells. He said that they asked if he has a cold or flu but he doesn't. Howard said he could get leukemia or something. Robin said if you have an infection then the white blood cells should be high.
Howard said this should be a scary wake up call. Howard said this is the last Eric in the Wack Pack. Howard said he would hate to do a eulogy for Eric. He said he won't be doing a week long tribute to him either. Howard said he has been on the show for a long time but he's told him he has to take care of himself. Eric thanked Howard for saying he loves him. Howard said he is dangerously close to the edge. Howard said he doesn't know if he's mentally capable of pulling himself together. He said he's smarter than Wendy or Gary the conqueror but not much smarter. Eric said he has a 65 IQ. Howard said he's basically retarded. Howard said he's doing really well for a retarded person. Eric said he's not retarded, he's dull. Howard said that's a nice way of saying retarded.
Howard said Eric is only 5 points higher in the IQ thing than Wendy was. Howard said she's hopeless. He said she's going to explode one day. Howard said Eric is somewhat reasonable. He said he thinks he can lose the weight but he's not sure. Robin asked where the money comes from for the food. Eric said he gets food stamps every month. Howard asked if he rations out the stamps. Eric said he doesn't have to. He said he gets money twice a week and food stamps. Howard said god bless this country. Howard started to sing and said that he was looking at his taxes and had a moment. He said that he thought about quitting his job. He said they take some big chunk of taxes out of his pay. He said he doesn't know why he lives in New York. He said he gets up at 4 in the morning to pay his taxes. He said if he moved to Florida then it might make sense to work. Howard said Eric has fucking Netflix and he's working his ass off to pay for that. Eric has enough food to feed an army and he's not even working. Howard said he thinks they should make Eric go out and hunt instead of giving him these food stamps. Howard said that he would lose weight if they made him do that. Howard said he can go out with a bow and arrow to find food. Robin said he'd be skinny in no time.
Eric said the hospital food is awesome. Robin said no one has ever said that. Eric said they do a calorie count. He said they base that on his diabetes and his cardiac. Howard said that's what he needs help with. Eric said he knows. Howard said Eric is incapacitated mentally. Howard said he was listed as either ''dull'' or ''feeble'' in the IQ test thing. Eric didn't seem to care. He just kept on talking. Howard said the doctors even said it was a miracle he can live without assistance.
Fred said if you look it up he's actually a moron. He said that's someone with an IQ between 50 and 69 and Eric was at 66. Eric said he's a high functioning Baby Huey. Howard laughed. Howard said he's done a great job with what he has. Howard said he hopes that he knows what a wake up call means.
Howard said there are safety nets in our society. Howard said he needs a care taker. Robin said you can't have an Eric without someone being there all the time. Howard said he needs to be locked up for a year or two with someone. Robin said there's nothing really wrong with him.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that she tries to talk to Eric every day. She said he just doesn't listen. Mariann said that he has a lot of doctors and none of them try to help. Howard said they're overwhelmed with cases. Howard said he's seen that look on Eric's face when you tell him to lose weight. Howard said he doesn't listen. He said he's going to die and it's a question of when. Howard said it's also how painful it's going to be. He could lose limbs. Mariann said he wasn't that heavy in the beginning. She said it's getting worse now. Howard said Eric used to walk around more than he does now. Mariann said it's very sad.
Howard said it's time for Eric to take responsibility for himself. He said Mariann tries to help and he doesn't listen to her either. Eric said he wants to thank Howard for yesterday. He thanked Mariann for being a sweetheart too. Howard asked Eric what he took away from this situation. Eric was still thanking people. Howard asked what he's going to do now. Eric said his plan is to go on a strict diet when he goes home. He said he's going to throw away his junk food. Howard said he can have a few chips, right? Eric said no. He said he knows he has to throw it all away. Eric said that chips are not healthy enough.
Howard asked Eric what he's going to do when he gets hungry. Eric said he won't eat, he'll drink water. Howard said maybe he can have lemonade. Eric said that's too sweet. Howard and Robin threw Soda in there too. Eric said he knows he can't have that. Howard said he can go out and have fries and a burger. Eric said he can have a burger but no bun. He said he can't have macaroni and cheese either. Howard said he can have one instead of two, right? Eric said he can have one. Howard said no more macaroni an cheese. He said he can't control himself. Eric said he has to control himself to be healthy. Howard said Eric is going to do this and he's going to fall right back into his bad habits. He said he really has to go now. He said this is boring to him. Eric thanked Howard and the fans for being supportive once again.
Howard took a cal from King of All Blacks who said he has brought Eric to his house. He said he does love this sick stuff. He said he gets attention from this. King said he brought him to a pizza shop and he ordered two slices and told them not to cut it so it was a big fold. He said Eric is a nice guy though. Howard said if he limited himself to two pieces he'd be fine.
King said he let Eric drive his scooter and he went up on the grass and hit the front step. He said it was the funniest thing.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that he really misses Eric the Actor today. He said Howard is stuck with High Pitch now. He said that he has to get some mental help. He said he went to his apartment once and it was the most disgusting thing he ever saw. He said he almost threw up just looking in the corner of his apartment.
Sal came in and said that he's been on the road with Eric. He said one time he had a stomach ache and a headache. He said he asked for a burger and a bucket of ribs. Sal said once they were at a hotel and he got up at 7 in the morning and he could smell the food Eric had in his room. He said he opened his room and they left the food cart there in his room. He said there was so much food that he had to leave the whole cart there. He said he had all kinds of food and Eric was there like Jabba the Hutt surrounded by plates. Sal said that Eric told him he was told to order whatever he wanted. Sal said they had a guy picking up the tab so he got whatever he wanted to and said ''fuck him'' to the guy who was paying for it.
Howard asked if Eric is understanding what he has to do. Eric said he knows this is a wake up call for him. Howard said he's not sure if he knows what that means. Eric said he knows. Howard said he heard he's been posting on Facebook. Eric said he knows he could have a heart attack. Howard said he thinks that Eric is enjoying all of this. Eric said he's not. Howard said if he was scared he wouldn't be on Facebook. Eric said that people do post on there and give update statuses. Ralph told him to lose weight and get a job. Eric said he has a herniated disc in his back and he can't work. Ralph said that's because he's as fat as Jabba the Hutt. Eric said that Ralph is ugly too.
Howard said Eric is trying to call into other radio shows while he's sick. He said he can't be that sick. Howard said he was playing with his new iPhone and Ralph said that he hates his. Howard said he loves the big one. Ralph said he's used to using one hand and he can't get used to the bigger iPhone 6. He said he has to test it a few more days to see.
Howard said you know things are bad when Ralph is calling in to help Eric out. Ralph said he doesn't care about Eric. He said he just wants Eric the Actor back. Ralph said Eric's Nanu, nanu line was his last and best line ever. Fred played that a couple of times for him. They went to break a short time later.
- Lena Dunham Visits. 10/01/14. 6:50am
After the break we heard a prank call Sal and Richard made to a couple of Chinese restaurants having one place read their order to another. Fred also played Stone Temple Pilots ''Plush'' as they were coming back.
Howard came back and said that Stone Temple Pilots were so good. He said he has to listen to this. He said that's what he should be doing now.
Howard said that Lena Dunham has a new book out called ''Not That Kind of Girl: A Young Woman Tells You What She's ''Learned''''. Howard said the book is getting rave reviews. Howard asked how she has time to write a book and write ''Girls.'' Lena said that she has a great writing staff but she's there most of the time. She said she has friends and a family too.
Howard said Lena has a hot career right now. Howard said he knows how hard it is to write a book. He said that he used to work 24 hours a day. He said he was writing a book and doing the radio show and it was maddening. Lena said she knows. She said that she was doing that and never thought she was finished. Lena said she just saw a reflection of a mannequin and it scared her. She said she almost screamed. Lena said she's trying to get used to being in the studio.
Lena told Howard that she was thinking about writing and doing the show and all of that and it can get confusing. Howard said he's been through the book tour and all of that. Howard said he heard some guy scalped tickets to the book tour for $900. Lena said she wanted to buy them back and give them to a fan. She said there are fans who don't want to pay $900. Lena said that her assistant was going to go do that but the guy wanted all cash and wanted it in a parking lot. Lena said she didn't want to be responsible for her death so she told her not to do it. Howard said tickets to the book tour are $38. Lena said that includes a book and she reads the book to the people who come. She said that she makes it into a show.
Howard said there are some interesting facts in the book. He said she doesn't hold back in it. Howard said she talks about her OCD and he did that in his book. Howard said it's more unusual when a woman has OCD. Howard said he used to be in denial about it. Lena said her parents knew something funky was going on with her. She said that she was in analysis over that. Howard asked how old she was when it happened. She said that she doesn't remember never having it. Howard said he thinks he got it after he did acid in college. Howard said he never had signs of it until then. He said he had an overdose of acid and it fucked his brain up. Lena said she did acid at 2 so that makes sense.
Howard asked how bad her OCD is. Lena said she has had moments when it was crippling. She said it prevented her from going to school and things like that. Lena said she had the flicking of the light switch and then thinking about her parents having sex 32 times and then doubling that. She said that she had to think about their toothbrushes and had to remember what they looked like. Lena said you're completely aware of how absurd you're being in the moment. Howard said that you do think about how ridiculous it is but you give into it anyway. Howard said that it's a control issue. He said his psychiatrist says he has control issues. Howard said he has it under control somewhat.
Lena said she took medication for her's. She said she took Luvox and some other things. She said she takes a small dose of Lexipro now. She said that takes the edge off. Howard asked if it hurts her creativity. Lena said she doesn't think so. Lena said that the minutes she spent photographing toothbrushes with her mind are things she'll never get back. Howard said when he did radio it didn't really bother him. He said eventually it started coming into that. He said when that started creeping in he thought he was screwed.
Howard said he was going through the back pain thing and it was a long story but he was able to help himself with Dr. Sarno. Lena said she knows that. She said that she had back pain too and that helped her. She said she and Howard both do TM. She said that Andy Kaufman helped her great grandmother get into that too. Howard asked if she knew Andy. She said he died before she was born. Howard said he was the most awesome. Howard said he didn't know him but he was a huge fan. Lena said she loved him on Taxi. Her mom knew him from 4th grade. Lena said he was high on life as they would say. Howard said he would go work in a restaurant just to get to know regular people.
Lena said that Andy did an interview with Elayne Boosler with a desk that was like 11 feet taller than him. Howard said that came out that the talk show guys did that to look more powerful than the gust. Howard said Andy did that as a goof and he did it like 11 feet in the air.
Howard said it must be great that all of these celebrities want to be on her show ''Girls.'' Howard said he heard that Reese Witherspoon and Alec Baldwin have asked to be on. Lena said that Reese is her friend but she's never asked to be on. She said with that she's going to go with it and get her on the show. Lena said it is very odd to be in a room full of famous people. She said she never thinks she'll feel that's the right place to be for her.
Howard said he never wanted to be a fan of things. He said he waned to be the cynic. Howard said as he got older he realized he could be a fan of things. Lena said when she was a teen it was cool to hate things. Now she goes into things just wanting to love it. Howard said that's very mature of her. Lena said that she never feels that way.
Howard asked Lena about how she says no to things when she has so much coming in. Lena said she's not good at saying no. Howard said he isn't either. He said he loves announcing to the world that he's doing things. Lena said that she's a super private person and she needs time to work on things. Howard said she has moved in with her boyfriend. Lena said that he's her life partner. She said she doesn't feel right getting married since her gay sister can't get married in every place. She said if she can't do it then she doesn't feel right doing it.
Howard asked Lena about the boyfriend, Jack Antonoff, who is in the band Fun. She said that he does his thing in their apartment and she does her thing.
Howard asked if Lena paints since her parents are artists. She said she does not. Lena said she saw something that Howard did and it was really cool. She said she can't paint. She said her dad made a living as a painter. She said her mom was a photographer. She said that her dad was a layout artist for Time magazine for a long time. She said that when computers first started coming in he quit his job. Lena said he hasn't had a job since then. Howard said some of the best painters were illustrators. He said that's how they made a living at it.
Howard said Lena says that she was the worst bullimic. Lena said she's not trying to belittle the illness. She said that she likes food so much that she would let it digest and then want to throw it up. She said that was just gagging and making a spectacle of herself.
Howard said Lena said that she thought she had to lose weight for ''Girls.'' Lena said they wanted her to be who she was and it took her a while to realize that. Lena said that it's hard not to fall victim to those pressures. Lena said that no one was putting that pressure on her but herself.
Howard said Lena says that she slept in her parent's bed way too long. Howard said she was afraid that sleeping and death was the same thing. Lena said they are very similar. Lena said her parents told her that you sleep so you don't die. She said that she slept in the bed from like 1986 to 1998. She said she's pretty sure her parents didn't have sex in those years.
Lena said that Howard is eating a grapefruit. Howard said it's the worst one ever. He said it's really hard and not good at all.
Howard asked if she wrote down that she was never going to have sex until she got married. Lena said she did that and she swallowed the piece of paper she wrote the vow on. She said that she's not sure where that came from but it may have been from 90210. Howard said he was watching the show too. He said she had an excuse for that but he didn't. Howard said he was too old to be watching that. Howard said the weird thing is that David from 90210 is doing Megan Fox. Lena said that he was a heartthrob from her childhood. She said that would be like her getting Luke Perry. Howard said Luke used to come on the show all the time. Howard said Luke was the one who introduced him on MTV as Fartman. Howard said then he was so big he didn't want to play himself in Private Parts.
Howard said in the book Lena says she was raped by a guy. Howard said that made him very sad. Howard said she also says that she started moaning and telling him how great he was in bed. Howard said he was thinking that maybe that was smart so he wouldn't kill her. Howard asked if that's what the strategy was. Lena said she wasn't in her right mind at the moment. She said that she doesn't know if it was strategy. She said that it might have been to make her feel like it wasn't that much of a violation. She said it was more like a choice. She said that this was something she was very anxious about putting in the book. Lena said we're living in a moment where campus assault is an epidemic. She said that there are women who don't feel safe on their campuses. Lena said they blame themselves for it. Lena said they're speaking out and that gave her confidence to speak out about it too. She said she was scared to talk about it. Lena said she had a fear of being labeled as a victim. She said she went to a small college and people knew each other. Howard asked where she went. She said she went to Oberlin in Ohio. Lena said that they were really committed to equality and all of that. Lena said that people don't know what consent means. She said that if someone makes you do something while you're having sex that is assault.
Lena told her doctor what happened and the doctor didn't' make her talk. She said that the only person she really told the whole story to was her friend Audrey. Howard said that he knew someone who went through something similar and she didn't tell anyone. Howard asked Lena what her fear was in telling someone. Lena said that she thought that people would say she was lying or exaggerated. She said that they might ask why he would want to do that to her since he was more attractive than she was. She said that he was someone people knew. Howard asked if she came clean to her mom before the book came out. Lena said she shared the essay with her mom and she knew that she'd get it. She said that her mom may have been upset that she didn't figure it all out at the time. Lena said her mom was very shaken up over it. She said it was hard for her father to read as well. Lena said everything about that night was uncomfortable to talk about. She said that she had taken a Xanax too. She said that women need to learn to speak out and men need to talk to each other about consent. Robin said most of these guys don't think they did anything wrong. Howard asked if she ever saw him again. Lena said she never did.
Lena said she's so grateful that this is in the national dialog right now. She said that they are talking about this stuff. Lena said that Oberlin is educating people about it when they start there. Lena said she didn't go to the school administration so she can't say what they would do. She said that so many schools have made grave errors in the handling of these situations. Lena said she was talking to a male friend of her's and he knew a girl who got assaulted and he just thought it wasn't true and the girl was ''weird.''
Howard said Lena talks about love making and the first time she had sex was a disaster. Lena said the whole thing was a mess. She said she didn't tell him that she was a virgin. Howard said she didn't think he was attractive either. She said he looked like a middle aged lesbian to her. Howard said she had bad sex and she thought about giving it up completely.
Howard said that Girls is the cool, hip show and people are asking to be on it. Howard asked if it's hard to say no. Lena said she doesn't have to do that. She said that she has people who do that. Howard said that the guy Adam Driver who plays her boyfriend is in the new Star Wars. Lena said he's having an amazing career moment. She said he's incredibly sweet. She said she thinks he would have gotten there without her. She said she just happened to be in the place to snap him up. Howard said people can miss that someone is that great. He said it takes someone to discover him. Lena said she showed up one day with her grandmother's dog tags on just to see if he said anything. She said that she wasn't supposed to talk about his military service with him.
Howard asked Lena about doing Saturday Night Live. Howard said people are looking to take her down. Howard said she's got so much success and she has people who want to take her down. Howard said he thinks that the rub is that women are freaked out by her getting naked on her show. Lena said that they're not upset about that in France. Howard said people get upset because she's not a traditional beauty. Lena said she did a book signing last night and she sees the fans there. She said that she was so moved by that. Lena said she got to connect with these great people and it was an amazing assortment of people. Howard said it must be shocking to her because she wasn't the toast of the town in school. Howard said now everyone wants a piece of her. Lena said that they're connecting over the same views. She said that's a beautiful feeling.
Howard said Lena says she's not that enamored with being on camera. Howard said she may become a director or writer only. Lena said she loves what she does and she feels she's cleared so much from doing it. She said she feels like the industry is brutal on women as they age. She said that she'd like to do the behind the scenes things. Lena said acting doesn't give her the same satisfaction that she gets from doing the writing and all of that. Lena said she likes the recognition and that's fine but she doesn't need that. Howard said he needs it but there's also that nightmare part. He said he's so tall that people look at him either way. Howard said he was self conscious before he was famous and it always felt bizarre to him.
Howard said Lena talks about working with one guy who had to cover up his ass because he had ass acne. Lena said they have a make up artist who has touched up that kind of stuff. Howard said there are times when he gets nervous and he gets acne on his ass. He said that it's only when he's stressed. Howard said he doesn't have ''assne'' but it does come up at times. Lena said you can get them on your face or on your ass. She said it's part of life.
Howard said Lena once kneed Adam in the balls on the set. She said that she did that and since you're not having sex you can do that. Howard asked if she gets aroused in sex scenes. Lena said no. Howard said he does. He said he got a boner when he shot Private Parts. He said he gets aroused by a nude woman. Howard said he just tells her he has a boner. He said he can't control it. Lena asked if he gets erect when he gets a massage. Howard said he tells himself not to get hard the whole time. Lena said no one has ever gotten a boner with her in a sex scene.
Howard said he had the boner in the bathtub scene in Private Parts. Lena said she loved that film. Howard said he's in touch with Betty White again. He said he loves her and Ivan Reitman. Howard said he was in the tub and he had to get out of the tub in his underpants and he was aroused. Lena said she finds the whole thing not to be natural.
Howard said when Lena was a kid she talks about sleeping with her parents. She had a sister and she started sleeping in her bed. Howard said Lena was masturbating in the bed with her sister in there. Howard said calling it ''jerking off'' is funnier. Howard said that she had masturbated in bed with her sister and that's a real buzz kill. Lena said that she's very modest and it was very weird writing about that. She said she can randomly be a prude about certain things. Howard said she wrote about it in her book though. She said it's easier when she's writing about it than talking about it with Howard.
Howard said the way Lena does things on her TV show makes him think it would be easy for her to talk about the masturbation thing. Howard said he used to masturbate with tissues balled up in one hand in his parent's house. Howard said he would do that and then sneak into the toilet to flush them away. Lena said that she was young and trying to figure things out. She said that she read that women had to put their hands in their pants and move it around to get to know her body. Lena said that she wasn't a chronic masturbator. She said that she had one or two incidents when she did that.
Howard said Lena writes about how a prop condom got stuck in her ass. Lena said that it was one that Adam threw on set and the prop guy was supposed to take them away. She said he must have missed it and it somehow ended up in between her ass cheeks. She said she found it at home later that day.
Howard asked if Lena is happy. She said she is. She said she has some gripes and she could improve on her personality but she is happy.
Howard asked if her email is full of stuff from people who want her to do something for her. Lena said she changed her email so she doesn't have that anymore. Lena said she has a friend who has had someone write to her and always asks her for something. She said that she told the person that maybe they can ask her how she's doing instead of asking her for something. Lena said she wishes she could do that. She said she feels guilty for having things and she can't do that.
Howard said Lena got an advance for this book and she hates talking about that. Lena said that when she grew up you never asked about how much money you make. She said that it's way more uncouth to do that than talk about masturbation. Lena said that you never hear about how a man doesn't deserve the money they're making. Howard said he hears that every day actually. Howard said that football players get that a lot too. Howard said they are evaluated. Lena said women are taken to task more than men are. Howard said that's true and women who are strong are called bitches when men are just called strong.
Howard said he was thinking about the email thing and how Lena is constantly trying to show what a good person she is. Lena said she is. Howard asked if she's ever had to fire someone. Lena said she hates firing people. She said there are people who hold things up and you just have to do it. Howard said he knows what that's like.
Howard asked if there are pictures in the book. Lena said there are some great illustrations in the book that her friend did. She said they break up the words and she likes that. She said there are boobs in the book but they're illustrated boobs.
Howard asked what her favorite thing to do is. Lena said she loves reading and having a cup of tea at the end of the day. She said that she just read a book called Drunk Mom. She said she thinks Howard would like it. Howard said he doesn't read. He said it's too much work. Lena said her boyfriend is like that. She said that he's more of an audio visual kind of guy. Howard said that you should read.
Howard said Lena is going to have Tan Mom on her show this season. He played a bit they created with Tan Mom audio clips to a scene in Girls. Lena said that was great. She said Tan Mom scared her boyfriend at the birthday bash. Lena said that she had a great time at that party. She said it was so inspiring. Lena said she wants to be like Howard Stern when she grows up. She said Howard looked really happy that night too. Howard said he was. He said it was a fun night. Howard asked who was at her table. Lena said Ryan Phillippe was there. Heidi Klum was there but she was doing her own thing. She said Jemima Kirke was there and some other people including the guy who introduced her to Howard. Sandra Bernhard was there and she saw David Letterman and also met Natalie Maines there too. Howard said she was networking. Lena said she showed up like 10 minutes late and she was freaking out listening to the show on her way there. She said that she didn't want to miss it. She said she loves Beth and she follows her Instagram with the kitten pictures. She said she has to have some kittens. Howard said they can help her out with that. Howard gave her some plugs for the book and went to break a short time later. You can find out more about Lena at LenaDunham.com
- Melissa Etheridge Visits. 10/01/14. 8:05am
After the break they played a Baba Booey song parody to the tune of The Munsters theme song. Fred also played a The Bachelorette bit with Wendy the Retard as the Bachelorette. He also played a prank call Sal and Richard made to a guy giving phony names like Iama Coksuka. Fred also played Led Zeppelin's ''Babe I'm Gonna Leave You'' as they were coming back. When that song ran through Fred played some prank calls to Red the bartender.
Howard came back and said that Melissa Etheridge is there. Howard said that they had to give Melissa time to set up the band. Howard said that it's going to sound really good.
Howard said hello to Melissa. Howard said her band sounds really good. Howard said that she was so good at the Billy Joel thing. Melissa said that was so good. She said Howard did so great with Billy. Howard said she did such a great job with ''Only the Good Die Young.'' Melissa said that's a song she never allowed herself to sing because it was about a girl. She said with Howard she knew Howard would love it. She said that she got naughty with it and did it at home and came up with it for that show. Howard said he thinks that Billy had fun with that too.
Howard said he wants to talk to Melissa about her life a little bit. Howard said she grew up in Levinworth, Kansas. Howard said her dad was a high school teacher. Her mom was a civil servant working with the army. Howard said Melissa knew she wanted to be a musician at 8 years old. Howard asked if she's an underrated guitar player. Melissa said she is. Howard said she's a really good guitar player. Howard asked why she's not recognized enough for that. Melissa said she didn't recognize it herself for a long time. She said about 5 years ago she decided that she would step up and get better and learn more. She said she didn't know she could get better at things after 40. She said you can though. Melissa said she didn't believe in herself and now she's stepped up and she's doing that.
Howard said she plays piano too. Howard asked if she thought lead guitar was for men. Melissa said she did. She said that it's a masculine thing. She said she can get masculine though. Howard said it's funny to him that she's so open to her life and she was afraid to take on that lead guitar player thing. Melissa said that the last 10 years is when she finally stepped up. She said she had to really learn to do it. She said Pete Thorne taught her. She said he was so generous. Howard asked if it's hard to ask someone to help her. Melissa said not at all. She said that's life. She said that she wants to get better at things in her life.
Howard said Melissa's dad would drive her to gigs when she was starting out. Melissa said she was in a talent show at 11 and then the band Chuck Hammersmith and the Wranglers asked her to come sing at 11. She said she would do that for the first hour and then she joined a cover band. Howard asked if her friends knew she was going to be a superstar. She said no one is surprised today. She said they all say they knew it was going to happen.
Howard asked when she started writing songs. She said she was doing that at 11 but the songs were horrible. Howard said she got right into the record business too. She said that didn't happen until she was 26 or 27. Melissa said she went to a music college in Boston in 1979. She said she was the only girl in the guitar class. She said she didn't quite finish the second semester. She said she got a job at a restaurant so she was making money and her dad was fine with that.
Howard said Melissa went to a record company called Olivia and she was rejected. Melissa said that she was and she figured they knew that she was a lesbian. Howard said she ended up playing lesbian bars after that. Melissa said there was no place to play so she was with a girl and she ended up in a bar with a piano. She said she created a job for herself and played from like 5 to 9.
Howard asked if she ever had her parents asking when she was going to start making it. Melissa said that she had people enjoying her music at the club and she enjoyed doing that for them.
Howard said she had her first album release and it did okay. She said it was doing okay on the rock stations. Howard said she recorded the album and she thought it was shit. She said someone else said it was shit. She said that she went back in and re recorded it and that's the album that lives on to this day. Howard asked what song was the big one for her. She said ''Come To My Window'' was her big one. She said that was her fourth album though. She said she had a nice following by then.
Howard asked if she has ever been with a guy. She said she went through a phase. Howard jokingly said that's disgusting. Melissa said that she was with a guy who was a graphic designer and he thought that he could convert her. Howard asked if she made love to him. Melissa said that she would say that she's still a member of the church. She said that it didn't work with him. She said it was very awkward. Howard said that's what they call a gold star lesbian. He said she's never been with a man. Howard asked if her parents were okay with this. She said her mom was okay with it because she was okay with it. She said she told her dad the news and he said as long as she was happy then he was fine with it. Howard asked if they suspected it. She said she thinks they did.
Howard said when you're in Kansas you have to keep that quiet. She said in the 70s and 80s you did. Robin asked what she did in high school. She said she went to prom with her friend Maurice who did her hair. She said they had fun just dancing at the prom. She said there was a guy she liked in high school but not in a sexual way.
Howard said that she would have liked to have been with him since he's like a woman. Howard said it's as close as she could get to being with a woman.
Howard said Melissa had the hit with ''Come To My Window'' and she had no idea that it was any good. She almost didn't put that song on her album. Melissa said that she didn't think anyone would know what she meant with the lyrics. Melissa said that she was with her partner Julie at the time. They had a child together too and David Crosby was the sperm donor. Howard said that he would think that he wouldn't want to be involved in that. Melissa said that she didn't want him to have to be a parent. She said that he signed a legal paper saying that he wasn't involved legally. Howard asked if he was the first one she asked to donate. She said he was. Howard said that has to be kind of hard to do. He said that it has to be hard to find a guy to be a sperm donor. Melissa said it is and you have to ask them not to be involved with the kids. She said that they do know him as the ''Bio-Dad'' now though.
Howard asked if she thinks that the music thing is a genetic thing. Melissa said she's not sure about that. She said that things are good so far though. Julie is the one who got pregnant. Melissa said that David's wife was the one who suggested that he should be the donor. Howard said it's a very loving thing to do. Robin asked if he had to go into a room. Melissa said that David and Jan took care of it and then she took it and put it in Julie. Melissa said he brought it over in a paper bag. She said that she made love to Julie and then she put it in. Howard said she must have used a turkey baster. Melissa said she actually used a syringe thing. She said that it's a little technical. Melissa said that she had Julie orgasm and then put it in. She said that helps with the pregnancy. Howard asked if it worked after one shot. She said it did actually. Howard said that a lot of people don't know how that works.
Howard said the kids are great and they go visit their Bio Dad once in a while. Melissa said that Julie was adopted and she wanted her kids to know who their father was. Howard asked if she gets along with Julie. Melissa said she has to. She said both of her ex's she gets along with.
Howard asked Melissa about ''Come To My Window'' and what that's about. Melissa explained it to Howard what she was writing about. Howard said that she listened back to it and she didn't like it. Melissa said she thought it was just okay. She said she had a friend who told her that was the song that she should use. She said that he was an entertainment guy at William Morris. Howard said her song ''I'm the Only One'' and that was a big hit for her too. Melissa said that one really is the one for her. She said that one came to her pretty quickly too.
Howard said that they're going to perform ''Come To My Window'' now. They went right into the song. After the performance Howard said that was good. He and Robin just said ''Wow!'' after they were done. Howard said this is some band. Howard said he was thinking that he wanted David Crosby's sperm in him during that song. Howard asked if she's in love with any of the backup singers. Melissa said that they are beautiful but there is no romance there.
Howard said the band is terrific. Howard said they have a good look too. Howard said that has to be important to her. Melissa said it's not important to her but she lucked out with that. She said they love playing music. She said that Jerry there is from the Fugees. She said that he produced a few tracks on the new record. She introduced some of the other people in the band and one of the women wrote ''Empire State of Mind'' with Alicia Keys.
Howard asked if Melissa does anything to take care of her voice. Melissa said that it's just a matter of staying in good health. She said her diet and sleep and exercise are what keep it sounding good. Howard asked if she thought she was dying when she was diagnosed with cancer. Melissa said she was going through a big spiritual change and she wasn't afraid of dying. She said that she was diagnosed with breast cancer and her doctor showed her the double mastectomy that she had. She said that she told her that she was going to be fine other than that part of it. She said she had a lumpectomy but that's the worst of it. She said her breasts are now a little uneven and that's it.
Howard said it has to be a drag to lose her hair after Chemo. Melissa said it was a drag. She said that it kicks you in the teeth when you're already down. Melissa said she wasn't sure if she wanted to perform at the time but she ended up doing it bald.
Howard asked about the Chemo and how that was. She said it wasn't good. She said they gave her this stuff that they said would bring her as close to death as she could get.
Howard said that Angelina Jolie had a double mastectomy to be proactive with breast cancer and Melissa said that wasn't the courageous thing to do. Melissa said that when cancer comes into someone's life you have your own personal choice about how you're going to hold it. She said that she has the same gene that Angelina has. She said that you have to turn that gene on and it's not guaranteed to turn on. She said that she would suggest just waiting and seeing if it happens. Melissa said that it's a fearful thing to do that double mastectomy. She said she cut off healthy tissue. She said she understands the fear but she doesn't think she'd do that. Howard asked if that's why Brad Pitt isn't friendly with her anymore. Melissa said she hasn't spoken to him since he went off with her. She said things can change when you get together with someone.
Howard said that Melissa is with another woman now and she writes for Nurse Jackie. Howard asked if it's tough to get into another relationship after what she's been through. Melissa said that Linda was her best friend and she had never had a best friend like that before. She said it was very Platonic and she enjoyed that. Howard asked if she was there to comfort her. Melissa said that was it. She said she found herself in the house with her and she asked her to come live with her and help her with the kids. Howard said that's incredible that she did that. Melissa said that she was her best friend. She said that they were very close. She said once she and Tammy broke up then she said that she felt things. Howard asked if she ever felt attracted to her before that. Melissa said she did not. She said that she didn't allow herself to feel that way.
Howard asked what she thought when she heard this from Linda. She said that she lived there for a long time and they never did anything. Howard said she must have gone to her bed at some point. Melissa said that she remembers Linda saying ''Well, dear...'' when she was looking for something one night. She said that she started thinking maybe she could do this. She said things got better and better. Melissa said that they both agreed to kiss each other eventually and that happened by the fire. Howard said that she must have a lot of dough. Melissa said that she was the first person to ever buy her a car.
Howard said that Melissa has a new album out and it's called ''This is M.E.''. Howard said he forgot to ask her about coming out to the public at Bill Clinton's inauguration. Howard asked if there was a game plan for that. Melissa said there was not. She said she was out to everyone personally. She said she had 3 albums out and she started doing interviews and one guy changed what she said to make it seem like she was with a man. She said she decided to come out and just say she was gay.
Melissa said that Bill Clinton hit on Julie. She said he was a rock star back then. She said it was actually before the inauguration that he did that. She said that it was an obvious thing. She said that Warren Beatty also hit on Julie. She said some men just don't get it.
Howard said that the new album is available now. He said the new song is called Monster. He said that it was written about him. Melissa said it's not actually. She said that the UN had a meeting that she attended and she was on her way back from that when she wrote the song. Melissa said they had the music track and she wrote the song on the way back. She said that it's about her being a monster full of desire and love. Howard had them perform that song next. They went right into ''Monster'' and after the song Howard said he loves the bass line and the slide guitar. Melissa played more of that for him. Howard asked how many strings he has on his bass. The guy said he has 5 on that one. He said he has some with 7. Howard Melissa's guitar is really nice too. She said it is a very expensive one. She said it's about $2000. Howard said they really looked like they enjoyed playing that song. Melissa said they did have fun.
Howard asked if Melissa has confidence playing slide guitar. She said she is kind of nervous but she loves doing it. Howard said she is some talent. Howard asked if she feels like she's being judged when she writes a new song. She said she does but her guide is how much she's looking forward to seeing the fans enjoy it. Howard said the live shows must be great based on what he saw there today.
Robin said that Melissa brought something to female performers. Robin said that in the front of a band there has to be a great commander. Robin said that she is that. She said she owns that whole thing. Howard said he's just happy she didn't spill one drop of David's sperm. Howard said that it is hard to front a band.
Howard went through the band introducing each of the band members. Howard said he should go see her in concert. Howard said you can find out more about her tour dates at MelissaEtheridge.com Howard wrapped up and wished them luck with the new album. Howard went to break after that. They played a prank call Sal and Richard made to a funeral director about setting up a funeral for their clown grandfather.
- Robin's News. 10/01/14. 9:20am
After the break Howard came right back and said he read an article yesterday and they say that Casey Kasem's final resting place is still unresolved. Howard said he likes that he's not buried. Howard said this is the greatest story he's ever read. Howard said that Kerri Kasem has said that the funeral home in Norway has refused to bury him there. Howard said all he knows is that this story is great. Howard said he also thinks that Kerri wants the body for examination. Robin said she thought there already was an autopsy but she doesn't know.
Howard said this web site EmptyLighthouse.com has a headline that says he's going to quit America's Got Talent. Howard said he's not sure where they got that. Howard said he never said he was quitting. He said if he was quitting he would say that he was quitting. Howard said the headline is wrong there. Howard said the fans will be the first to know there if he does decide to quit.
Howard said that people are having trouble getting through on the phones. He said they're trying to fix the system. He said it's hit the entire Sirius building apparently. Howard said it might be the beginning of the zombie apocalypse. Howard said it's time for some news now.
Fred played Robin into her news with a song parody by Psych. Robin started her news with a story about Prince putting out two new albums. Howard said he loves Prince but he saw that concert where he refused to turn the lights on and now he's kind of glad he can't write a hit song. Robin had some clips from the new albums and had Howard play those. Howard said he's not sure who has the time to listen to new songs. He said he finds himself listening to stuff he already knows. Robin said she likes what she hears. She said she would listen to this album. Howard said what he needs is some of that David Crosby sperm. Howard said he read that he's 56 years old now. Howard said he was reading about a teacher who was seducing students too. Robin said she's going to get to that today.
Robin read a story about Walmart fighting back in the Tracy Morgan lawsuit. Robin said they're blaming him for not wearing a seat belt. Howard said he was reading in the paper today that Tracy might never work again. Robin said they say he has a severe brain injury from this. Howard said he hopes that's just posturing. Howard said he reached out privately to Tracy and he never heard back from him. He said he understands that though. Robin said he's working with a speech therapist daily now. Howard said Walmart shouldn't make statements like that. Howard said people should wear their seat belts but it's a ridiculous thing for Walmart to say that it was his fault. Howard said it's a cold statement. Robin said that there is going to be damage when a truck slams into a bus. Howard said he still can't believe that school buses don't have seat belts. Robin asked if that's true. Howard said it was when he was a kid. Howard did a live commercial read and then went to break after that.
After the break, around 9:35am, Howard came back and took a call from Jeff the Drunk who said Melissa Etheridge was awesome. Howard said yesterday they said they might change Jeff's name to Jeff the Bore and the songs started rolling in. Howard played one of the examples. Howard said he thinks that name is going to stick. Jeff said he can't change his name. Howard said he can too. Jeff said he's going to change Howard's name to Richard the Dick. Howard said he loves that he's fighting it. Howard said not everyone can like their name. Howard said it was funny when Eric the Actor hated his name Eric the Midget. Howard said Jeff likes his name too much. He said he thinks it has to be Jeff the Bore. Jeff said he can't do that, seriously. Robin said they should try it today. Jeff didn't like that. He said that's not even funny. Howard said maybe Jeff the One Armed Bore. Howard said Jeff the Bore is good. Howard said it will be good for Jeff when he calls because people will expect a boring call. He said if he has a good call he won't live up to his name. Jeff told Howard to have a good fucking weekend, bastards! Howard let Jeff the Bore go after that. Jeff told him to have a nice weekend.
Robin said that Alice cooper has a new album out. Howard said he's liking this music news cast she's doing today. Howard played some of the song Alice put out which was a cover of ''Eleanor Rigby.'' Howard said it sounds exactly like The Beatles version. Howard said he likes Alice Cooper a lot. He said he has some great songs.
Robin read that Malcolm Young from AC/DC is suffering from dementia. Howard said he heard about that from Meg Griffin. Howard said they were in his movie Private Parts and they were delightful to deal with. Howard said they were great. Howard said it's very sad to hear the news. Robin said Malcolm is now in a nursing home receiving care.
Robin read a story about Jimmy Page talking about how it doesn't look like a Led Zeppelin reunion is going to happen. Robin said that Jimmy and Robert Plant have been exchanging words through the media and it doesn't look likely. Howard said he feels bad or Jimmy. He said Robert Plant just won't cooperate. Howard said he thinks that Plant's voice has changed a lot and he may not be up for the Zeppelin stuff. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read that Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow are still getting along and Chris made an appearance at a party for her. Howard said they're supposed to hate each other. Howard asked what's wrong with them.
Robin read a story about Michael Phelps being arrested for driving under the influence. Howard said he drinks like a fish and swims like a fish. Robin said he was allegedly going 80 in a 40 MPH zone. Howard said that he'd be drinking too if he was in a sport he could only do every 4 years. Howard said he's like Aquaman. He said he has super powers in the ocean and then gets into trouble on land. Howard said all of these swimmers are nuts.
Robin read a story about Amanda Bynes getting into some trouble too. Robin said that she was arrested on a DUI as well.
Howard said that the season finale of Ray Donovan was great. Howard said he loves Liev Schreiber and Jon Voight. Robin said that Hank Azaria is great in it too. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin said that Ebola has reached the United States. Robin had some audio of a doctor talking about how someone traveling there from Liberia was diagnosed with Ebola. Robin said they say he didn't have symptoms when he boarded the plane. It's been confirmed that he has it now. That led to Howard and Robin talking about how it reminds them of the show ''The Strain.'' Robin said the only problem she has with that show is the Master. She said that face is too fake and rubbery looking.
Robin said they are saying that the EMS crew that took the Ebola victim to the hospital will have to be quarantined. Robin said that Ebola is spread by bodily fluids. Robin said it can be sweat on your arms. Howard said this hand shaking thing has to stop. He said he hates it. Robin said she was watching Ali G Rezurection and he's very picky about his fist bumping. Howard said that he has to make it like the hand shaker isn't the cool one.
Robin read a story about another breach in the secret service. Robin said that the president ended up in an elevator with an armed man. Robin said that they didn't know it until the man turned over his gun. Howard said that's unbelievable.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that she wants Howard to do the pros and cons for AGT. Howard said he's actually in the middle of doing that. Mariann said that she's both a pro and a con for being there at AGT. Howard let her go after that.
Robin read about a Brooklyn Tech teacher who was inappropriate with some of his female students. Robin said they say that one girl got an A for handing in a blank sheet of paper. Howard said that they say that guy has a brother who is on Ray Donovan. Howard read through the list of things that this guy is accused of. He took a 15 year old to a nude beach an gave her vodka and whiskey until she passed out at his house. Howard said that he is accused of doing other things with that girl. Howard said this guy is a math teacher. He said you never hear about a math teacher doing this. Howard read more of the things this guy is accused of and they say he never touched the underage girls. Howard said he took one student to a gay bar where he had her watch him get serviced by another dude. Howard said this guy is all over the place. Robin said one of the students said that he was always befriending the prettiest girls in the school. Howard said he sent full frontal photos to students. Howard said they also say he had porn on his computer including bestiality stuff. Howard said he heard in his high school that one of the teachers married one of his students. Howard said he's not sure if that's true. Howard did another live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about ISIS letting women take training to be suicide bombers. Robin said one of the reasons they said they wanted to do that was because life is hell. Robin said there are some women recounting their experiences under the watch of that terrorist group. Robin said they were beaten, tortured and raped. Robin said they were forced to watch videos of beheadings too. Howard said they're really into that beheading thing. Robin said some of the girls did commit suicide because of that. Robin said one girl tried and failed and they made her suffer for that. Robin said that after doing all of that to the girls the men in ISIS would sit down and pray. Howard said it's such a weird thing.
Howard took a call from Speech Impediment Man who asked if he's watching Gotham. Howard said he had no interest in seeing the show without Batman but he thinks the show is excellent. Howard said he loves the show. Speech asked who the black chick is. Howard said that's Jada Pinkett Smith. Speech said he knows that but he's not sure who she plays. Howard said she's a crime kingpin. Howard said it's pretty easy to figure out. Howard said if TV is too complicated for you then you know you're in trouble. Howard said that character was created just for her. Howard said he might have to name Speech Impediment Bore. He hung up and played him out with his theme song.
Robin read a story about the mayor of a town who was shot and killed. He was fighting with his wife and the son got involved and the Mayor was shot.
Robin read a story about a class you can take that will teach people about Beyonce's business plan. Howard said most people in show business aren't great business people. He said some of them are just hot and that's why they're famous. Robin said one of the richest people in China makes dildos. Howard said that's a businessman.
Robin read a story about a University of Virginia student who has bee missing for a few weeks. Robin said that they have a man in custody and they have died him to the death of someone else from a few years ago.
Robin read a story about police in Arkansas finding the body of a real estate agent. Robin said that they have a suspect in the case but he claims that he kidnapped her but didn't kill her.
Robin read about it being Breast Cancer Awareness month. Howard said he used to check breasts but he stopped because he wants to stay married. Robin said that's a good reason. Howard said he doesn't think he discovered one lump. Howard said he probably wasn't qualified.
Robin said that Chris Brown shoved a fan at a club. Robin said that she tried to touch him and Brown shoved her. Robin said that she may have deserved it just for still being a fan of Chris Brown. Robin said he claims that she tried to kiss him at a club and she was being a drunk fan. Robin said the woman believes it was excessive to push her like that.
Robin read that P. Diddy is weighing in on J-Lo's music video where she shows her ass. Robin had some audio of Diddy talking about how it was a work of art. Robin said he was gushing about how great it was and how he thinks Kim Kardashian's ass isn't even in the league of J-Lo's. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 10:15am.
- Wrap Up Show - Melissa Etheridge Sits In. 10/01/14. 10:20am
Jon Hein started the show saying Melissa Etheridge was joining them today. She said she had a great time today. Gary said he could tell. He said that she really wanted to talk. Melissa said she waited 20 years to do this show. Melissa said she has done the gay and lesbian thing and the cancer talk so it was a real delight to talk to Howard. She said he has such a natural conversation.
Jon said this was a long time coming. He asked if it went the way she expected. She said she was excited and not nervous. She said she felt he was kind of mellower than she thought he would be. Gary asked what it was that kept her from doing the show. She said in 1993 she came out and Howard interviewed Lou Diamond Phillips. Lou was Julie's ex and he skewered Lou. She said that she stayed away for a while because it was so intense. She said that time went by and that's it.
Gary said he could swear that he saw her in 1987 or 88 and she was nominated in a category with some other women and she cracked a joke saying they should rename it ''They might be lesbians.'' She didn't remember doing that.
Melissa said that she remembers her manger saying that being gay was fine as long as she wasn't out there waving the flag. Jon said that it shouldn't matter what your sexual proclivity is as long as you put out good music.
Jon said that Melissa talked about her guitar playing and how she's doing the lead guitar thing now. Gary asked if it makes her insane when she hears all of the Autotune stuff now. Melissa said that it kind of does. She said she wrote an OpEd piece and she wrote about how she thinks that people like to hear the human voice live and there artists who sing to their track. She said it's lip syncing to a show. She said that she thinks people love people who sing live.
Gary said that Howard lives for a person like her who can sing like that. He said it's even bigger when it's 8 in the morning. Melissa said that she just thinks of it as being 5 o'clock at night.
Jon said that what's so refreshing is that there's nowhere to hide. Gary said the song is really good. Jon said she must get people asking her to play the old stuff. He said that her playing the new stuff must carry that through. Melissa said she still loves playing the old stuff. She said she loves to look out and see people knowing the song. She said she hopes the new song will catch them in that way. She said she wants to sing ''Monster'' forever. Gary said that he loved the energy she has with her band. Melissa said she loves what she does.
Jon said the story about what went down with Bill Clinton and Julie was amazing. Melissa said that she'll be attached to that inauguration forever because she came out there.
Jon played a clip of Howard talking about the David Crosby thing. Jon played another one where Melissa talked about the syringe she used to inject Crosby's sperm into Julie.
Melissa said that she never got into that kind of detail before. Gary said that David has never done the show and they should get him in there. Melissa said that she thinks David would love to do the show.
Jon asked what the band brings that gets her going. Melissa said that it's kind of like sex. She said it can be fun by yourself but when you bring other people in it can be even more fun. Melissa said that she won't say she likes one better than the other. She said that she can play longer with a band. She said it's kind of like that sex thing again.
Gary said he saw Melissa do a show with Bruce Springsteen once. She said she did that and it blew her mind. Jon said she blew it out of the park with the Billy Joel thing too. Jon said that whole day was great.
Jon took a call from a woman who said she is a big fan of Melissa's. She said when she was a young, wee lesbian she remembers seeing her do a rendition of ''Come On Baby Drive My Car'' and it was great. She asked if she has any dream duets that she'd like to do. Melissa said that she has thought about singing with Steven Tyler. Gary said that they might have a spot for that. He said that he will keep that in the back of his head because he's working on some things.
Gary said he came to know her music from hearing it in strip clubs. He said the strippers love her music. He said one stripper told him that her music is so empowering and she loved dancing to it.
Jon asked Melissa about Howard and how she became a fan. She said that Howard was truthful in the 80s and that's what they needed. She said that he's kept doing that all this time.
Gary said just being able to express yourself the way you can there is such a big change. Gary said that Lena Dunham was able to talk the way she wanted to today and she just wanted to say something with the word fuck in it. He said she didn't have to do that but that's the way people talk. Melissa said that's the way you want to say something sometimes. She said you just want to express yourself that way.
Jon asked Melissa about coming out. Melissa said that it was a breath of fresh air for some people. She said it's happening everywhere now.
Gary asked about how Juliette Lewis ended up in her video. Melissa said that she's had all of Brad Pitt's ex's in her videos. She said she met Juliette through Brad. She said that she was bouncing off the walls in that video. He said that she was just insane.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that song she did today was amazing. He asked what she's doing to keep her voice the way it is. Melissa said that it's actually just keeping her body in shape. She said that she is what she eats. She said if she eats crappy food then it will cause problems with her voice. Melissa said that she never smoked and she never drank a lot. She said that it's also sleep. She said that can be hard on her voice.
Jon said that they had Lenny Kravitz on the show last week and they were talking about where rock and roll is. Jon said he thinks rock will come back but it's important to listen to music like Melissa's. Melissa said rock is a feeling. She said it's hard to say what rock and roll is. She said that she and Prince are at number one and number 2 on the rock charts and you wonder if Prince is really rock or not. She said it's all about the feel. She said she believes that it will swing back to rock eventually.
Jon asked if Melissa where people can check her out. She got in a plug for her album which is available now. They went to break after that.
- Wrap Up Show - Lena Dunham. 10/01/14. 10:45am
After the break Jon said Melissa is the best. He said she's got the best attitude and she'll talk about anything. He said he loves talking to her. Gary said she's very positive and she's enjoying life. Jon said Howard feeds off of that too.
Jon said Lena Dunham came in today too. He said that she's the epitome of coolness. Gary said she can do no wrong to her fans. Gary said that something will happen and they will tear her down. Gary said that he thinks she'll be around for a long, long time though. He said he and his wife are huge fans of ''Girls.''
Jon said that Lena doesn't hide behind anything. He said that she just admits her mistakes and deals with them. Gary asked if Jon saw the mayor drop the groundhog that later died. Jon said he did. Gary said the zoo tried to cover it up and make it a different groundhog. He said the cover up is always worse than the true story.
Jon said that Howard and Lena were talking about their OCD problems. Jon said that Howard had to read copy twice and work a word in twice. He said that had to be tough for him. Gary said he didn't know that Lena had OCD. He said he knew she had it on the show but not in real life. Gary said he also didn't know how it manifested itself in Howard but there were times when Howard would lay down on the floor because his back pain was so bad. He said his dad used to have a piece of plywood in between his mattress and box spring. He said he probably could have used Dr. Sarno back then too.
Jon said that the OCD thing is hard to deal with. Gary said that she said that she knew what she was doing was insane. Gary said he's had a touch of OCD with his desk at work. He said the difference is that he doesn't think he's going to die. He said he just wants his stuff where he put it.
Jon played a clip of Lena talking about her OCD problems. Jon asked if leaving the house and wondering if you left the garage door open is OCD. Gary said he doesn't think so. He said that OCD makes you check things repeatedly.
Jon said that Lena feels guilty saying no to people. He said Howard has gotten better with that but it's hard for him. Gary said it's not any easier but he has to do it so he has time for himself. He said that Howard will labor over it if he does say no. Gary said that Howard said that he should have written the foreword to his book but he never asked him to. He said that he had a conversation with the publisher and they didn't pressure him to get that done. He said the only people giving him pressure were the fans. Gary said Howard feels bad about a lot of things but he can't feel bad over that.
Jon asked if anyone on the staff asked to be on Girls. Gary said no one did but he can imagine Sal asking to be on it. He said he doesn't even watch the show. Gary said he doesn't think they could squeeze him in on that show because there aren't many people his age on there other than the father. Jon said he's sure they could squeeze him in somehow. They went to break after that.
- Wrap Up Show - High Pitch Eric. 10/01/14. 10:55am
After the break they came back to Melissa Etheridge messing up Jon's last name. Jon said a lot of people mess up their names. Gary said he expects it with his name.
Jon said that High Pitch Eric called in from the hospital today. He said Howard didn't want to lose another Eric and he was trying to give him advice on his diet. Jon said that he doesn't think Eric is a dumb guy but he is lazy with some stuff. He said with this he may not realize that he's going to get something he doesn't want and he's not going to be on the planet anymore. He said he's not sure what he has to do to get better. Gary said there are a lot of expectations there. He said that Orson Wells wasn't able to lose weight and he was brilliant.
Gary said that he started to realize that these guys are people and they're not going to be around forever. He said he can't take the chicken wing out of Eric's hand. He said that Howard asked if he can have a bag of chips and he said no. Gary said if they called him now he might have a different answer. Jon said he wishes he had someone in his life that could help him.
Shuli said they've had this conversation with him for years now. He said they tell him that he's slowly killing himself. He said he has a child mentality about it. He said he doesn't take it serious.
Gary said that Jason was going through some pictures and he couldn't find a picture of Eric. He realized that he's gotten so much bigger that he wasn't looking for the big fat guy in the pictures.
Shuli said that you can have a conversation with Eric and he's all there. He said he really isn't that slow. Gary said he has to give Mariann from Brooklyn kudos. He said she takes care of these guys. Gary said if Eric died in his apartment he doesn't think anyone would find him if Mariann wasn't calling to check up on him. He said she really cares. Jon said that is her nature and she does care about these guys. Shuli said that she got Eric a job in the past.
Gary said that Mariann checks in on Jeff the Bore too. He said that if she wasn't doing that and he died they may not know about it until someone smelled the body.
Jon asked if Eric will change anything. Shuli said no way. Gary agreed. Jon said if he doesn't change then he won't be around for much longer. He said he has to change. Gary said it won't even register to try. He said there has to be a physical thing that he has to feel constantly. That way he knows he has to make a change to make the pain go away.
Jon had Shuli give them his Howard 100 News headlines for the day. Shuli ran down a few things they had coming up today. Jon wrapped up and had the guys get in their plugs before ending the show. They were done around 11:05am.
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