- Thursday Replay Show. 08/17/17. 7:00am
Here's what they played on today's replay show:
- Priest & Boy And Trump. 08/17/17. 7:00am
First up on today's replay show they played a segment where Howard played a Priest and Boy bit about Donald Trump. Here's my rundown:
Various Bits And Clips. 08/14/17. 10:20am
After the break Howard came right back and said that New York didn't really vote for Trump but he made his living there. Howard said people are wondering why he's turning his back on the city. Howard said they went out on the street and asked people to say something nice about Donald Trump and they didn't have much luck. Howard played a clip where people didn't have anything nice to say about Trump. Steve Nowicki would try to get the to say something nice but everyone had something negative to say.
Howard played a voicemail from Wendy the Slow Adult who had an idea for a cook off contest where she and Gary the Conqueror could cook and have Howard, Jason and Robin be the testers.
Howard played a Jeff the Vomit Guy message where he had an idea to be invited to an event where there was a lot of drinking going on where he could wear a sign asking women to vomit on him.
Howard asked who had the better idea there. Robin said she thinks Wendy. Howard said the slow adult cooking segment. Howard said she wants to compete with Gary the Conqueror. Howard said Jeff wants a party where people drink heavily and people vomit on him. Robin said she's pretty sure people would rather watch Wendy and Gary cook.
Howard said he came up with this Priest and Boy show and he thinks the networks should pick it up. Howard played another bit that Steve Nowicki did as Priest and Boy.
Howard said that show could have so many seasons. Howard said they could do different tasks every week. Howard said they were getting dance lessons in that one. Robin said it took Sylvester Stallone a long time to sell Rocky.
Howard said he believes in Priest and Boy. He said he pitched it at A&E and they called him a shit head.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Stairway to Heaven was the worst ever. Howard said they know it's bad. Howard said he doesn't really think he can sing.
- Jeff, Benjy & Ronnie. 08/17/17. 7:10am
Next on today's replay show they played a segment where Howard talked to Jeff the Drunk, Benjy and Ronnie. Here's my rundown:
Jeff The Drunk Has COPD. 08/14/17. 8:45am
After the break Howard came right back and said they learned about JD's big vacation. He said they learned about his trip to see Hello Dolly too. Howard said they can get an update from Jeff the Drunk now.
Howard had Jeff on the phone and said he was on his way to the hospital when they last spoke to him. Jeff is out of the hospital now. Jeff said he has COPD. Howard said that's from all the smoking. Jeff said that's right. He said he has a weakening of the lungs. Robin said he's killing his lungs. Howard asked Jeff if this has made him rethink his habits. Jeff said they sent him home with oxygen. Howard said watch that trailer blow up.
Howard said Jeff has an oxygen tank now. Jeff said it's to be used ''as needed.'' He said he has stopped smoking. Howard asked if he's still smoking weed. Jeff said he has to confess he did have one joint. He said there was no coughing though. Robin said he has to be lying. Jeff said he can prove it to her. Jeff got some weed to smoke. Howard said he has weed but not a pot to piss in.
Jeff tried to find some weed but he wasn't finding it. He had a pipe to smoke it in though. Howard said he believes he's going to take a hit for them. Howard said he's sure he has some. Howard said he'd quit smoking that too but maybe at this point it doesn't matter. Howard said death wouldn't be that different for Jeff. Robin said she thinks his life is like JD's camping trip every day.
Jeff found the weed, took a hit and started coughing. Jeff wasn't able to stop coughing to say anything. Howard asked what his phlegm looks like. Jeff said it's not as bad as it used to be. Howard was cracking up at his coughing.
Howard said Jeff must be ready to die. Jeff said it wasn't awful. Howard said he must be ready to die. Howard said that would be a lateral move anyway. Howard said he'd look into stoping smoking anything.
Howard said Speech Impediment Man says that he's ready to move up the Wack Pack ladder if Jeff dies. Howard had a voicemail message from Speech Impediment Man saying that if he does die he may move up the Wack Pack ladder and maybe Howard will start taking his calls again. Howard said he's not sure why people think he's not taking their calls. Howard said he takes calls from Speech Impediment Man. He had Speech on the phone. Speech said that the new guy doesn't put him on. Howard said he can't put him on every time he calls. Howard said he can't take the same call every time. Jeff said he's fucking up his segment.
Speech Impediment Man said he hopes he dies so he can move up. Jeff told him to take that to the bank, fuck face. Howard said Speech Impediment Man is another crybaby. Gary said the screener says that he often doesn't have anything to say or he asks if Howard watched Gotham the night before. Howard said it's always the same call.
Howard asked if he had someone washing him in bed. Jeff said he did. He said she was good looking too. Howard said imagine going into the room and seeing Jeff in there. Robin said she had to do that kind of stuff back when she was a nurse. Robin said Jeff has that one arm so maybe people are doing that stuff for him. Jeff said the woman lifted his penis with her bare hand. Howard said ''Wow!'' Howard asked if he tells her he's in love with her. Jeff said no. He said she washed his penis, his balls and his taint. Jeff said she has to stick that stuff right in his ass. Howard asked if he looks at her while she's doing it. Jeff said he wasn't. Howard said Jeff's eyes go in different directions. Jeff told him not to be a dick head. Howard said it's too late for that.
Howard said he has to interview that woman who washed his dick. Howard said that woman deserves a purple heart. Jeff said it was nice. Howard thanked him for the update. Jeff asked what they have in store for him. Howard said nothing. He said he lied.
Howard took a call from a woman who said don't listen to any of those trolls about Charlie. She said she lost her Hank to cancer and he was about 18 years old. She was crying as she told Howard how awful it was. She said she named her cat Hank after Hank the Dwarf. She said she loves. Howard and hates wind chimes. Howard said he thought she was unstable until she said that about the wind chimes. Howard thanked her for the call.
Howard asked if she's hot at all. She said she's 68 years old. Howard said he has to go. Howard let her go after that. Howard said he appreciates the kind words.
Ronnie's Renamed Days Of The Week. 08/14/17. 8:55am
Howard said they were in the middle of updating about their vacation. Howard said they learned about JD's vacation and all of that. Howard said they also learned before vacation that Ronnie was tweeting a lot and changing the days of the week for the pervy stuff he puts out. He said he calls Wednesday ''Hump day'' which isn't very original. Howard said he calls Monday ''Munday.'' He said he used to have Tittie Tuesday too. Howard said over vacation Ronnie was renaming other days. He said he came up with a new name every day on Twitter. He said on Thursday he tweeted that it was ''Good Ass Filled Thursday.'' Howard said that was his thing on that day. He said that makes no fucking sense. He said they learned that he doesn't show vagina but he has done that in the past.
Howard said Friday was Ass Cheek Friday. He said that on Sunday he was at a NASCAR race. He said Tuesday was Happy Play With Yourself Tuesday. He said he had a hump day on the Wednesday after that. Then he had a Trim Your Private Parts Thursday and a Happy Who Gives a shit Friday and more.
Howard said that's what Ronnie did since they last left. Howard played a song where Ronnie was singing ''Munday, Munday.'' Howard said he tweeted about Kurt Busch's wife a lot over vacation. Howard said he thinks he's filming his movie with Adam Sandler today too. Howard said he has another song about Ronnie before that. Howard played that song where Ronnie sang about tweaking nips.
Ronnie came in and said that some guy got married and he and his wife danced into the ''I'm Munt'' song parody they have. Howard said he didn't see that. Ronnie said it was all over twitter this weekend.
Howard asked if Ronnie is filing today. Ronnie said it's tomorrow. Howard asked if he's seen the script. Ronnie said he doesn't know. He said he may not have a line. He said he's not even sure who is in the scene. He said he's not sure who is who. Howard asked what he plays. Ronnie said it's something to do with a funeral. He said that Shuli is going with him. Robin asked how he's getting there. Ronnie said they're sending a car. He said they're shooting on Long Island somewhere. Howard said look at you. He said he didn't know they shot out on Long Island. Howard wondered why they shoot out there. Howard said Chris Rock is going to be in it.
Howard asked if Ronnie is nervous. Ronnie said no. Howard said he doesn't even know what the movie is about. Howard said you'd think he'd want to know more about the movie. Ronnie said he thinks he'll be all nerved up. Howard said he's like the opposite of Daniel Day Lewis. Howard said he doesn't want to know anything about it. Ronnie said he'll probably just be standing there.
Howard said Steve Buscemi is in the movie. Howard said maybe he'll have a scene with him. Howard said he was watching Benjy in Sharknado and he got hosed. Howard said he did a scene by himself and he got cut in with Kathie Lee and Hoda. Howard said he was wearing a ski cap in the summer too. He said it made no sense.
Howard played audio of Benjy's scene. They had Kathie Lee and Hoda doing their lines and then Benjy doing his 2 lines or so. Howard said that was it. He said that's some performance. Robin wondered if he thought about that at all. Howard said you don't hear any reporter acting like that. Howard said everything he does he screams. Howard said the actual Sharknado event is more believable than Benjy's stint as a reporter.
Howard said that you'd think they would tell Benjy not to wear a ski cap. Ronnie said they told him what to wear in the Sandler movie. He said that he has a new suit and he offered to wear one that he just got. He said that you don't know what it's going to look like. Howard said it would be nice to be in a scene with Sandler. Ronnie said it doesn't matter. He's just happy to be in the movie.
Howard said Ronnie is tweeting about that Kurt Busch's wife. Howard said they must be giving him free stuff. Ronnie said they're not. He said that he's not giving them anything.
Benjy came in so Howard asked if he watched the movie. Benjy said he did. Howard asked why he was wearing that cap. Benjy said that they didn't say to him not to. He said he did bring different ones with him but that one matched what he was wearing. He said it kind of matched that. Howard said maybe these gigs are embarrassing. Benjy said he doesn't think about it that way. He said it's fun to be in those movies. He said it's a fun thing to be part of.
Howard asked Benjy if he thought it was odd that they had him bring a suit. Benjy said they didn't have wardrobe there. He said that he brought everything he had hoping something would fit. He said he was at the peak of his weight so he was bursting out of everything. Howard said he was in a ski outfit and ski cap. Howard said he figured it was summer based on what he saw. Benjy said they did play the scene on the Today show. Howard said Benjy should wear a wig if he's so afraid of showing his bald head. Benjy said he thought Howard wouldn't want him to. Howard said he doesn't care.
Howard asked if he got feedback about his appearance. Benjy said he was excited about it and it was fun. He said he got some feedback.
Benjy said he has a question for Robin. He asked how he should have done the line if he didn't do it right. Benjy said they had a Sharkzilla out there. Howard said he didn't have to scream his lines. Benjy said it may have been an affect because they were shooting Gilbert the same day. Howard said he should wear a Viking helmet next time. Howard congratulated him on his appearance. Howard said maybe he shouldn't be in movies like that. Howard said he was in the movie but Hoda and Kathie Lee are getting respect but not really Benjy. He said he's kind of an afterthought. Howard said maybe he should think that he's not a joke and he's a serious person. Howard said this is a movie that stars Ian Ziering and Tara Reid. Howard said at least give him something.
Benjy said he thinks it would have been stupider not to do it. Howard said he has a different view of his career. Howard let Benjy go after that.
Robin said the scene wasn't that long to warrant this much discussion about it. Howard said he's trying to move on but Benjy won't leave. He said it's not that interesting to hear about his views on Sharknado.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he didn't get rid of Benjy soon enough. He said that guy sucked him in with his stuff. He called him a balding Jew too. Howard said there's no reason for that. Howard said that there was enough of that nonsense going on over the weekend. They ended up talking about the car that killed someone at the protests. Howard said that car looked like the General Lee. Howard said that people don't want a car like that now unless you're in a Nazi group.
Howard said he has some audio of the chants going on in Charlottesville. Howard played one where the crowd was chanting ''Fuck you faggots!'' over and over. Howard said he'd get right the hell out of there if he heard that. Howard said that they were trying to tell people that they're not all like that out there. Howard said they know that.
Ronnie said they had a helicopter crash out there too. Howard said that helicopters are fucked up. Robin said they're coming out with drones for people and they'll have people going up like that. Howard said he won't be.
Howard played another clip where the hate group was chanting ''You will not replace us'' over and over. Howard said he doesn't get that. Robin said these are people who want all of the losers of the wars to come back. Howard played another clip from the Wing Bowl where they were chanting ''Fuck nig*ers.'' Howard said that people are so angry.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said that he doesn't think that Ronnie is going to be in a scene with Adam Sandler. Ronnie said he never did say he was. He said all he said on Twitter was that he was shooting an Adam Sandler movie. King said that he's trying to make it sound like he's part of the director. Ronnie said he's such a stupid ass. He said he's just jealous. King said he's not jealous. He said that he's just sitting back and collecting rent. Ronnie said he sits home like a big shot. King said he has a small apartment building that he collects rent from. Ronnie asked why he gives a shit about what he's doing. King said he has nothing better to do.
Howard said that if they called King to be part of the movie he'd be right there. King said he would.
Howard asked how many apartments are in the building he owns. King said it's 5. Ronnie said that his father bought it for him. He said he isn't building anything. He said that was all his father's business. Ronnie said he's sitting on his fat ass collecting rent. King said he's retired so that's what he's doing. Ronnie said he's been there 31 years and he's not going anywhere. King said Ronnie thinks he's going to die if he retires. Howard said that's enough of this.
Howard asked King if he goes in and strong arms people who don't pay rent. King said you take them to court. Ronnie asked how long it took to collect rent. King said it took 6 months to evict someone. Ronnie said King is an asshole. He said he's a fucking asshole. Howard said it's enough of that.
King asked if he got his Jeep yet. Howard said he doesn't even know what he's talking about. King said it was the Jeep. Howard hung up on him.
Howard said they took pictures of King and Ronnie out on the street and asked who was better looking. Howard played the clip and they had a lot of people saying that King was the better looking guy. Howard said King beat Ronnie by a little bit. Not by much though. Howard said people wanted to fuck Charles Manson over him so he knows how that feels.
Howard asked Ronnie how he feels about the JD stuff. Ronnie said he told him not to go camping. Ronnie said he'd get out of it somehow. Howard asked if he thinks he's pussy whipped. Ronnie said it's not that. He said he was trying to do the right thing. He said they're still young and he was trying to do the right thing. Howard said he turned out to be a buzz kill though. Ronnie said JD knew that to begin with.
Howard played a song parody that Ronnie sang about his different days of the week. They went to break after that.
- Happy Birthday Robin. 08/17/17. 8:00am
Next on today's replay show they played a segment where Howard talked about the gift he got for Robin's birthday. Here's my rundown:
Howard's Vacation With Collective Soul's ''Heavy.'' 08/14/17. 7:00am
Howard and the guys were back from vacation this morning. Howard started the show singing ''The Great American Nightmare'' and talking about a song he was into but he didn't remember the name of it. Howard said it's that song called Heavy by a band he couldn't remember. Howard thought about it and said it's Collective Soul. Howard said he loves that song. He said that's very heavy and it's called ''Heavy.'' He said he's listened to it like 50 times in the week they had off. He said he watched every video of them doing it live too. He said he was chasing it like a tornado chaser.
Howard said he watched a whole thing online about John Bonham who broke it down for him why he was such a great drummer. He said the guy was right. Howard said he brought up that Bonham was so good because he was a jazz drummer. He explained what he saw and it was the most in depth analysis of all time. Howard said he agreed with the guy after it was all done. Howard said this is what he does on vacation. He said he'd go for a run and come home and watch videos. He said he has seen every live version of the song ''Heavy'' by Collective Soul now. Howard had Fred play some of the song.
Howard said people were worried about Trump's vacation but not him. He was just listening to that song. Howard listened to the song and said he wishes he could interview the guy who wrote this. He said he's convinced he wrote it about his mother. Howard said he's pretty sure that's what it's about.
Howard let the song play a little longer. He said he read the lyrics to his therapist. Robin said this song is something to him. Howard said it really is. He said he's like a teenager. Howard said he doesn't even have grey hair. He said he even wrote the lyrics in his journal. He said he drew some flowers and wrote the lyrics in there. He said that's called a juxtaposition. Robin said she thought they had to have something to do with each other. Howard said no.
Howard said he cried so fucking hard over vacation. He said before that he had to talk about the therapist thing. He said the therapist asked why he was reading lyrics to him. He said he can't feel anything but this guy can.
RIP Charlie The Cat. 08/14/17. 7:10am
Howard said his cat Charlie died. Howard said he has to do an obituary for him. Howard said he might be a little self indulgent. He said he wants people to know he has a heart. Howard said these are confusing times we live in. He said he's going to spread the love.
Howard said they got Charlie 5 years ago after he was in a cage for 2 years at North Shore Animal League. Howard said they had 5 cats and their dog Bianca had died. Howard said he and Beth wanted to bring in another animal and give him a chance. Howard said he was unadoptable. Howard said Beth doesn't believe in taking in the easy adoptions. He said he really loves these cats.
Howard said Charier's name was Kitty and they thought he was a girl. Howard said he's hung like him. He said they thought he was a girl. Howard said they adopted Charlie and they were told he was a boy when they brought him. Howard said he was living in that cage for 2 years and he was kind of obese.
Howard said he weighed 22 pounds. He said he was a finicky eater too. Howard said he asked them to bring the cat to him while Beth was away. Howard said he didn't want him in a cage any longer. Howard said Beth left town and he got the cat. He said he was scared out of his mind. Howard said they put him in a room by himself and he hid behind a drape. He said he sat with him all weekend in that room. Howard said he wasn't eating. He said he would get him out and feed him but then he'd go back. Howard said Charlie was very shy. He said fast forward and he was the cat that sat in the kitchen all day. He just hung out and chilled. Howard said he loved food. Howard said he and Beth used to argue about putting him on a diet. He said he'd eat everything there was.
Howard said Charlie didn't jump so they had to help him. He said they did what they could for him. Howard said then they got this cat Sophia who was blind. Howard said Charlie was into her and would clean her. He said the two of them were in love. Howard said Sophia used him as her eyes. Howard said fast forward again to the past couple of weeks. Howard said Charlie was peeing in front of the litter box. He said he was making doody there too. Howard said he was trying to tell them something. He said they brought him to the vet and he had really bad cancer. Howard said he had adrenal cancer and cats don't even get that. Howard said they had to remove his adrenal gland and something else. He said it was his spleen. Howard said he wasn't going to the bathroom and it was pretty aggressive. Howard said he came home and he was all out of it. He said Sophia stopped coming by him.
Howard said Sophia stopped eating and she would start over grooming herself. He said she took a shit on the carpet like she never does. Howard said she was so distraught that Charlie wasn't there. Howard said Charlie came home and she knew enough to back away. Howard said they know. He said she smelled him and knew he was out of it. Howard said it's so fucking sad.
Howard said they had this horrible scene and they found a abscess on him. He said they had to put him down. Howard said he had never been part of that before. Howard said he knew it was his time and he was rubbing his head and saying he loved him. He said it was tough. He said they were both crying. Howard said he was holding it together for Beth but it was so sad. Howard said Sophia didn't come near him. Howard said now she's not eating. He said they really know. Robin said she has to eat. Howard said Beth is working on it. Howard said this is fucked up.
Howard said he went to take a shower and he started crying in the shower. He said he was really bummed out. He said he got really upset. He said it was weird for him to be so human. Robin asked who he thought he was. Howard said the Sterns don't show emotion.
Howard said he called his mom to tell her he misses her. He said he was going to send a car for her to come over but she didn't want to. Howard said they don't have much time on this planet and he's trying to line up a day and she's like ''Nah.''
Howard said the cats are like their kids. He said they're very aware of what that is. He said he has to keep his mouth shut about that. He said Charlie was his boy. Howard said he might have more cats than St. Francis did. Howard said he was the patron saint of animals.
Howard said rest in peace Charlie Boy. Howard said he put a note in with his medal to St. Francis. Howard said they're cremating him. He said he will go with Bianca and Apple's ashes. Howard said it just fucked his head up. Robin said loss does that. Robin said we all have to go at some point.
Mariann's 10 Grand Win And More. 08/14/17. 7:20am
Howard said the other thing he did was read Robert O'Neill's book (The Operator: Firing the Shots that Killed Osama bin Laden and My Years as a SEAL Team Warrior). He said it's such a good book. Howard said he loves reading about guys who are so brave. He said he's not and Robin knows that. Howard said he and Robin saw a guy stealing a bike one time and they did nothing. Howard said he thought it was two guys but Robin said it was just one. Howard said he told Robin that they were going to turn a blind eye to that crime. Robin said if they had just yelled something maybe they would have stopped. Howard said he's no Navy SEAL so he's not going to do that.
Howard said he should mention that over vacation Mariann from Brooklyn won $10,000 and donated it to Bianca's Furry Friends. Howard had her on the line. Howard thanked her for that. Mariann said that she's so sorry about Charlie. She said she knows how terrible it is. She said her dog died from cancer too.
Howard said Mariann won $10,000 from Greg Garcia and she had sent out a picture with her and Flat Ronnie watching his show ''The Guest Book'' and she won $10,000 for that. She started to freak out and Howard said he has no idea what she's talking about. Howard said he doesn't care. Howard said someone named Greg Garcia really gave the 10 grand to Bianca's Furry Friends.
Gary told Howard that Greg Garcia is a big fan of Howard's and he said if you tweet out a picture of yourself watching his show he would give the 10 grand to the best picture. Howard said there you go. He said Mariann gets excited and you have no idea what she's saying.
Robin's Birthday Gift. 08/14/17. 10:25am
Howard said they were away for a week and he has to update people on what they were doing. Howard said he wants to mention that Robin had her birthday on August 8th. Howard said that's a huge holiday. Howard said he got Robin the best birthday gift ever. Howard said he has to explain this. He said he and Robin try to outdo each other with gifts all the time. He said they're over 60 now and they really should stop it. He said Robin is like his girlfriend. Howard said he can't ignore her birthday. Howard said he was wracking his brain over this. He said she has enough stuff though. Howard said he's angry over this.
Howard said Robin is busy with pens and stuff. He said he told her not to get him anything. Howard said if she didn't then he'd be like ''Fuck her.'' Howard said it goes on. He said he was thinking about it and came up with an $800 bottle of wine. Howard said he did some research and found out what kind of wine Robin ordered at dinner that time. Howard said he thought about it and didn't want to do that. He said it's silly already. Howard said then it dawned on him. He asked Fred what he thinks he got her. Fred guessed it was a boat. Howard said he got her wind chimes. Howard said she has like 7 wind chimes on her property. Howard said he hates wind chimes. He said he's so happy to hear the birds and wind. Howard said Robin lives on the water and you can hear the surf at her house. Howard said Robin wants to hear this shit instead.
Howard said he found wind chimes that are so big. He said they're the biggest ever. Robin said they're as tall as a grown man. Howard said they're like the size of him. Robin said she couldn't get them out of the box. Howard said they look beautiful. Robin said they are. She said they dress up her whole yard.
Howard said that's it with birthday gifts. Robin said she was like ''how dare he get her wind chimes.'' Robin said it was like the whole neighborhood was getting wind chimes. Howard said he hopes they knock her off her chair.
Howard said they're some chimes. Howard asked if the wind blew it. Robin said no, she had to move it. Robin said there was some wind the other day and it did make some sound and it's beautiful.
Howard said it's fucking great. Robin said that was hysterical. she said she couldn't believe he did that. Howard said he thought they looked nice but he wouldn't want them making noise. Howard said he had a trickling pond in his yard and he hated the sound. He said he'd hate the sound of the chimes.
Howard took a call from the guys in the back who were playing Robin's neighbor who was pissed at the chimes. He said he was taking them down right now.
Howard said they went to the street and got some birthday wishes for Robin. Howard played one where a guy was talking about what he wanted to do to Robin sexually. Howard said everything with her is sexual. Howard said it sounded like President Obama. Howard played another one where a guy said she should come and sit on his face. Howard played her a song parody too.
Howard played a set of twins talking about what they would do to Robin in bed. Howard played another song parody from Eli Braden after that.
Howard said that's all the birthday he has in him for a while. He said he was so wracking his brain and thought that was so funny. Robin said it was.
Howard Takes Some Calls. 08/14/17. 7:35am
Howard took a call from a guy who called him a hypocrite. He said Howard busted an intern's balls for giving Robin wind chimes years ago. Howard said this guy doesn't get it. Howard said his were very expensive unlike the intern's.
Howard took a call from Jim from Raleigh who asked if he's surprised that David Letterman is doing a TV show. Howard said Dave will be in this week actually. He said he saw him a few months ago off the air. He said he was up there doing something. Howard said he can't remember what he was doing. Gary said he was doing something on Outlaw Country. Howard said Dave came in to say hello and he had a nice conversation with him. He said he and Dave go back so far. Howard said they had a personal conversation and Dave said to him that he wanted to do the show. He said they booked him a while ago and he really was kind of trying to figure out what his next move would be. Howard said he feels Dave has done it all. He said he had 35 years or so on TV. Howard said he thought he was fed up with the whole thing. He said it was like it was enough and he was done. Howard said he thinks he retired and he didn't think it was working for him. Howard said now he wants to be back in the lime light. Howard said Johnny did it and disappeared. He said Johnny was like 66 when he retired. Howard said he was kind of surprised when he heard about the shows he's doing for Netflix.
Jim asked if Howard thinks he'd come back after retiring. Howard said he thinks he has enough hobbies that he could keep busy and not want to come back. Robin said she thinks Howard is putting thoughts in Dave's head. Howard said Dave is the longest running late night broadcaster in history. Howard said he was on for 33 years. He said he thinks he had just had it after a while. Robin said she knew he was doing articles and talking about what he would say if he was on the air.
Howard said he doesn't think he would miss it if he retired. Robin said Howard has no clue what he would do. Howard said he bums out on Sunday nights when he thinks about how he has to go to work. Robin said he doesn't know what it'll be like when he doesn't have it to back to. Howard said he might grow one of those big beards like Dave has. Howard said he hates it when his hair grows over his lip though.
Howard said he had a lot of thoughts about Dave. He said they'll talk to him this week about that. He said he has to take a break. He was about to do that but said he was listening to the new Caitlyn Jenner audio book. He played some clips that he guys had edited together. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break a short time later.
- Politics & High Pitch Erik. 08/17/17. 8:45am
Next on today's replay show they played a segment where Howard talked about politics and High Pitch Erik. Here's my rundown:
Phone Calls, Alex Jones Clips And More. 08/15/17. 7:00am
Howard started the show talking about Ronnie going to shoot his movie today. He has to leave early today. Howard said they're shooting the Adam Sandler movie. Robin said when your driver is also an actor... Howard said yeah, that sounds like a commercial.
Howard asked Robin how she's doing. Robin said she's fine. Howard asked how her wind chimes are. Robin said they're very quiet. She said the bigger they are the less they ring. Howard said he didn't know that. She said it might take a hurricane to move them. Howard said he didn't even think of that. He said he liked the look of them. Howard said as long as they don't go off very often it's good.
Howard said someone went off on him in the email about buying her wind chimes. Howard said people don't get it. He said they're assholes.
Howard read some email about his performance of Stairway to Heaven yesterday. He said a lot of people like Priest and Boy. Howard said he goes around singing the theme song. He said people want it to be a regular bit. Howard said he was talking to priest in the office yesterday and he has about 20 more concepts. Howard said he'll have him in the studio to talk about the making of those bits.
Howard read some email about his Autotune performances. Howard had some feedback about his Pat Robertson impression too. Then he read the wind chime email where someone complained about him buying the giant ones for Robin. Howard said he hates wind chimes but he bought them for Robin because she loves them. Robin said it was something she'd never expect. Howard said he's never including the fans in anything again.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was waiting for this guy Richard Spencer to come speak at his college. He was freaking out and yelling so loud that his phone cut out. The caller asked why he's supporting the zioinst media out there. Howard said this is a weird call. He said he doubts this guy is Jewish. the caller said he can pass the Jew test. Howard asked him to sing a song. Howard figured he was Jewish after that.
The caller said he hates all of this Jewish stuff. The guy said it's free speech if people want to hate people. Howard said he's not sure how serious he is about Israel. Howard said they are an ally of the United States. The caller said that's not true and they attacked the U.S. Liberty.
Howard said he thinks this guy might be Hitler's favorite Jew. Howard let him go a short time later.
Howard said he should call Alex Jones. He said he made some crazy comments. Howard said Alex said that a bunch of the clansmen looked like the cast of Seinfeld and they look like Howard Stern and they're trying to make the Klan look bad. Howard said everyone is making shit up. He wondered how they sleep at night. Howard said people are dying out there and they're making shit up.
Howard said they had a clip of Alex Jones saying some crazy stuff. Howard said it's not the Seinfeld clip. He said there's something about having a colony on Mars. JD was pulling the clip up. Howard said there's another one where he says he and Robin are contributing to Russian hysteria.
Howard played a clip of this guy talking about the colony on Mars with Alex Jones. Alex said they see mechanical wreckage on Mars and they ignore it. Howard said that may have been too outrageous for Alex. Robin said he did try to get behind it.
Howard said Alex also said he had sex with 150 women before he was 16. He said he believes the Mars stuff before he'd believe that. Howard played the clip where Alex talked about the 150 women. He said he believes 9/11 was an inside job before he believes he had 150 women.
Howard said his show is like that News of the World paper that used to have aliens on the front page of the paper every time. Howard said he talks about stuff like that on his show. Howard played another clip of Alex Jones talking about seeing people who are half pig and half human walking around.
Howard said he thinks it's funny but some people take that shit for real. Howard said Alex said that he and Robin are contributing to Russian hysteria. Howard said that would be like if they were screaming about leprechauns taking over the world and everyone is ignoring it. Howard said it's an interesting concept for a radio show. Howard played a clip where Alex Jones was talking about humans being spliced with animals.
Howard said what if they mate humans and insects and they end up with Brindle Fly. Howard said maybe he and Robin should start another show where they talk about this crazy stuff. Howard came up with some stuff they could talk about.
Howard played the clip where Alex was talking about him. In the clip Alex said he heard Howard Stern a couple days ago and he said we don't talk to Russians. Jones said they think we're at war with Russia. Howard said that's right. He said Putin is a scumbag fuck who kills journalists. Howard said they're the only ones looking into shit. Howard said that's the difference between us and the rest of the world. Howard said go back in history. He said these guys don't want to be looked at or criticized. Howard said Trump's son shouldn't have taken calls from the Russians. Howard said you call the FBI when you get that call. Howard said he's talking about Putin and his government. Howard said if that ever happened in this country we'd be fucked. He said that's why he's a second amendment guy. He said that we can't let someone like that take over. Howard said we have to be armed. He said that's why the second amendment came about. Howard said Putin sucks off the teat of the Russian people. Howard said he's spoken to Russians who live there and they're not against Putin completely because he's getting them food. He said he has organized things somewhat. Howard said he has an iron grip on that country though. He said fuck 'em.
Howard said he's not doing a whole show on Alex. He said it's kind of funny but it's not. Robin asked if this is the great America we were expecting. Howard said Alex thinks that there are slaves on Mars. Howard asked what the end game is there. Howard said you put them there but never find out why. Howard said Fred was enslaved on Mars but he escaped.
Howard said it's the anniversary of their WNBC debut. Howard said they do have an anniversary they'd probably want to forget.
Howard took a call from fake Alex Jones who was saying that the KKK is marching to the Seinfeld theme. He said they have a Nazi Kramer and a Nazi Newman. Howard asked what they want. Fake Alex was rambling about something and Howard hung up saying they were going nowhere with that. Robin said that's because they hadn't written anything down.
Howard took a call from Chad in St. Louis and Chad said he thinks he's being a pussy about Alex Jones. He said he has bitched at Roger Waters for hours about the Jew thing. Howard said he seems to be the only one saying something about Roger Waters. Howard said he's not going to spend the whole show on it. Chad said he wants him to get pissed of at him. Howard told him to get the fuck off the phone. Howard said he's pointing something out and people complain. Howard asked what the fuck you want from him.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said yesterday she said to listen to Andy Cohen. She said that he blind sided her with a question about Wendy Williams questions and she didn't even hear that. She said shame on Andy for that. Howard hung up on her and asked why he took that call. Howard said Beth said she had a good time on the show. Howard said he can't sit and listen to radio all day so he didn't hear it. Howard said he was busy yesterday.
Robin asked if he watched Game of Thrones. Howard said he did. He said he was talking to his daughter and he said he was going to go up and watch TV. He left out the masturbation part. He said she doesn't watch the show. Howard said this week's wasn't so good but it's hard to top last week's show. Howard said they need those dragons killing people. Howard said those dragons just barbecue people and don't eat. He said they need to eat some people.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he believes that Putin is about the trashiest person in the world. Howard said it used to be so simple to be an American. Howard said no one can identify that Putin is a cunt. Howard said that no one wants him fucking around with the elections. Howard said we have to get serious about this shit. Howard said there are guys dying in Afghanistan and Iraq and we had people die fighting in World War II. He said now we have people bending over and taking it in the ass from Putin. Howard said Hitler was gassing the Jews by the millions. Howard said they stuck the Jews in the desert. He said he can't take this anymore. He said he knows who is right and who is wrong. Howard said Putin is a snake. Howard said North Korea is a danger to the world... He said he gives up. Howard said he doesn't get why anyone wants to be around Putin. Howard said the guy has billions of dollars because he took money from the people of Russia. Howard said he has more money than Jeff Bezos and Bill Gates. Howard said the guy kills journalists. Howard asked why people are feeling bad for him.
Howard said all of this is going on and there are lizard people out there. Robin said you know there are none of those in Russia.
High Pitch Erik Getting An Edoscopy. 08/15/17. 7:30am
Howard said he has High Pitch Erik on the phone. Erik said he's going in for an Edoscopy. Howard asked why he's having that. Erik said he's having that weight loss surgery. Erik asked if he wants to talk to the doctor. Howard said no. He said he's in the middle of talking about stuff like lizard people. He has no time for that. Howard asked what he would ask the doctor. Erik said whatever he wants. Howard said he'd ask why they'd give him the weight loss surgery. Robin said they should tie off his stomach right now.
Howard said Erik shouldn't want a doctor who wants to be on the air. Erik said that's true. Erik said he's waiting to talk to him now. Howard said go do that. Erik said he'll call tomorrow. Howard wished him luck.
Howard said he has some clips from Erik's apartment where his lawyer is playing sound effects through a speaker. Howard said this is driving Erik nuts. Howard played a clip and this guy Vinnie plays clips while Erik is trying to do something. Erik said he would cover the cameras if he didn't stop. Vinnie played some baseball clips and Erik said he'd shut it off if he didn't stop. Erik said he's raising his blood pressure. Howard said that's great. Robin said it is annoying. Howard asked what lawyer has time for this. Robin said according to Shuli he thinks it's his job to make it entertaining. Howard said usually Erik is just sitting there so that's working.
Howard said you can hear the sounds of a forest in the next clip. He said Erik screams about his breakfast in this one. Howard played the clip and Erik was ordering breakfast while this was playing. Erik kept telling him to stop with that. Howard said he's piping them in because Erik doesn't get out much. Robin said Erik got upset because the lawyer was saying something about seeing him in his natural habitat.
Gary said they play Hail to the Chief every time Erik walks into his apartment. Howard said this guy might be a comedian.
Howard said Erik asked Vinnie to delete comments from the chat in his chat room. JD came in and said that Vinnie will start putting gay porn on Erik's computer screen too. He has complete control over the computer.
Howard played a clip of this guy Vinnie on Facetime with Erik and Erik is telling him that they have to stop some of this family talk. Vinnie said that he'll get it stopped. He said he has to put on the monitor. Erik said he'll stab all of these people if they don't stop. Vinnie said he has to stop with that. Erik told Vinnie what he wants out of there. People were posting about how they fucked his mom. Erik said he was going to sue them all.
Howard said he's not sure what law school he went to but now he's ended up with Erik. Robin said maybe he went to the Three Stooges law school.
Howard said he has another clip of Erik asking people to order food for him. He said he orders sushi. Howard played the clip and Erik asked for someone to order the stuff for him. He asked for some sushi and some Miso soup. Howard said the world is his Alexa. Howard said it's like he found a Genie.
Howard said he knows it sounds exciting over there but he's just giving the highlights. Howard did an impression of Erik ordering people around.
Howard took a call from Tommy from Malden who he thought he had banned. Tommy asked how he can ban him. Tommy asked if Nazi's have the right to march in America. Howard said of course they do. Tommy asked why they were attacked then. Howard said you can't start physical violence. Tommy said the other side started it. Howard said when you lay hands on someone then the law has to step in. Tommy said that they told them to stand down and then they let them go at each other.
Howard said one guy did kill a woman. Tommy said it was one guy, not a side. He said they have the right to march. Howard thanked him for the call. Howard said he doesn't want to sit and debate. Howard asked if people are defending Nazi's now. Robin said yes they are. She said there are holocaust deniers out there. Howard said he has to ban him again until next time. Howard asked if they know how many people died killing Nazis. Howard said he doesn't understand this. Howard said leave him alone with this. It's a stupid conversation.
Howard said the Nazis had their chance and they blew it. Howard said they almost controlled the world but they didn't. Robin said no one can control the world. Robin said they end up dead when they try. Howard said it's time to move on from that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wants to know why more people aren't against China. He said that we just keep hearing about Russia. Howard said China is a bunch of scumbags too. Howard said we're to blame for that too. He said that this communist government took over. Howard said they're horrible. He said they spend all day trying to ban the internet from that country. He said they just want to be free over there and their government is stopping it. Howard said they talk about China and Russia being scumbags. Howard said everyone should be talking about that.
The caller said everything in his house is made in China. He said he doesn't see anything being made in Russia. Howard said he gets that. He said he's doing his part there. Howard said he is talking about it. He said they call him General Stern.
Fred played the Star Spangled Banner and Howard started to sing it with Autotune. Howard said he's exhausted from the show already and they're only 45 minutes into it. Howard said they're not in charge of anything but Jeff the Vomit Guy. Robin said call your president. Howard said yeah, don't call us.
Medicated Pete Game. 08/15/17. 7:45am
Howard said they had Medicated Pete on the other day and asked him if he would fuck a racist. He played a clip of Pete talking about that. Howard said they told Pete they had a hot chick on the phone and she started spewing racist shit. Howard asked if Pete will make a date with her or not. Robin said she thinks that Pete is going to fold. Howard asked Fred. Fred said he will fold. Howard said lets find out. Fred said they should do it after the commercial. Howard said come on. Fred said it's 7:47. Howard said who cares. He said he's playing it now. Howard said that's a Seacrest move to hold off until after the break.
Howard said now they'll find out if Pete will cave in or not. Howard played the clip and Sal called Pete and tells him they have this chick who keeps calling for Pete. He puts her on with Pete. Her name is Debbie. The woman gets on and tells Pete about the smelly Indian guy who she had as a cab driver. Then she asked if he has ever dated a black girl. Pete said no. She was happy about that. Debbie said she's not black, don't worry. She said some are alright but not great. She said she heard he's packing like a black guy. She asked him to go out with her but she wondered if he's going to Jew her on the bill. Debbie asked Pete where they should meet up. She said she likes to fart on Chinese people because it makes them smell better. Pete laughed at all of this stuff. Pete said he's not racist so he can't do all of this stuff. Debbie said she's just joking. She said she doesn't like Mexicans either. Pete said that's fine. Debbie said she'll call Pete soon.
Howard said Pete did cave. He said Debbie was in Charlottesville this weekend. He said she's fine. Howard said that's Medicated Luther King. Robin said he's shown his true colors now. Robin asked if they told him she's never going to call. Howard said he thinks they did. Howard said it's so disappointing. Howard said those standards went right out the window.
Howard said now they have their answer. He said most men cave right in just like Pete did. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
- JD's Week Off Follow Up. 08/17/17. 9:40am
Next on today's replay show they played a segment where Howard got an update about JD's week off. Here's my rundown:
JD's Top 5 Coughing Clips. 08/15/17. 9:30am
After the break Howard came right back and said they were talking about JD and his list of coughing clips. They played a JD song parody from Daniel Mendelson.
JD had some coughing clips that he liked. He had one from a guy in Cleveland who started coughing while talking about West Nile Virus. He was coughing a lot and wasn't able to get the whole story out. Howard said he likes it because it sounds like he has West Nile. Howard said that would make a good movie where they talk about something like that and get sick.
Howard told JD to do number 4. JD had a sports anchor who was trying to hold off a cough. Howard played the clip and the guy was trying to hold it in while he was doing a report. He wasn't able to keep it in though. The guy kept coughing while the other reporters took over. Howard said Jeff the Drunk is at home thinking he could be a sportscaster. Howard said yesterday Jeff was on saying that he has COPD and he quit smoking cigarettes but he smokes weed. He said he doesn't cough when he smokes weed but when he did that he did cough. JD said he wasn't coughing as hard as usual. Howard said he was trying to hold it back.
Howard said he got an email from a respiratory therapist who said they had diagnosed the COPD months ago. He said that Jeff is basically done. He said start the eulogies now. Howard said Brent was telling him that pot smoke isn't bad for you. Robin said it is irritating though. JD said he's not smoking anything. Howard said JD is high enough. He's high on life. JD said he doesn't know about that.
Brent came in and Howard asked if he did something to his head. Brent said he shaved it on Sunday. Howard said it's hard losing your hair. Brent said it's terrible. Brent said you just shave it and go with it. He said you don't do what Bobo did and wear that ridiculous thing on your head.
Howard said Brent just celebrated his third year with them. Brent said no one is going to ask him to do anything like Ronnie is doing. He said he has a standing no for any interviews or anything like that.
Howard asked if it's been better working for this show or Bubba's show. Brent said it's this show. Howard said Bubba is going to freak. Brent said he was in charge of everything at Bubba's show. He said here he has a better more focused job. He said he's in charge of one thing. Howard asked if this show or fucking whores in Okinawa was better. Brent said this show.
Brent said in 2006 UCLA did a study about pot smoke and they found that it's not like cigarette smoke. He said the tobacco is treated with radioactive pesticides and that's what people are smoking. He said with the pot you don't get that. Howard said if you burn wood in your house it's like smoking cigarettes. Brent said that Usaine Bolt and Michael Phelps are both big pot smokers. He said that they're the fastest men on earth.
Howard asked if Jeff should keep smoking weed. Brent said he's not a doctor so he won't say that. Robin asked if they did study on people who smoke weed and cigarettes. Brent said he doesn't know about that. He said that Jeff smokes a ton of cigarettes. Robin said you'd think pot smoking would be bad for Jeff. Howard said maybe he should eat edibles.
Howard said he heard Brent ate 15 edibles at an Iron Maiden concert. Brent said it was great. Howard said he knows people who take one and they're wrecked. Brent said maybe they're light weights. Robin said she'd have to get high to see Iron Maiden too. Brent said it was such a great show. He said his favorite band of all time is Pink Floyd. Brent said that he does think Roger waters is a dick though.
Howard said there's a lot of Glen Campbell videos out now that he died and he was a great guitar player. Howard said he did a bunch of rock stuff.
Howard said he's not that familiar with Iron Maiden. Howard said he thinks about Zeppelin when he thinks of heavy metal. Howard said Ozzy is right up there too. Howard asked if he thinks of Metallica. Brent said he does. He said he thinks Iron Maiden is better. Howard told him to get out of there. He said he can't take him seriously now. Howard said he had a good 3 years there now get out.
Howard asked what his favorite movie is. Brent said ''The Big Lebowski.'' Howard said he's got to be kidding. Brent said that's his favorite comedy. Howard said he asked what his favorite movie is. Brent said Saving Private Ryan is up there too. Howard said he's not vibing with him today. Brent said he has a lot of likes in music. He said Pink Floyd is his favorite of all time. He said he loves the Stones too. Howard said he's off his rocker. He likes the Pink Floyd better than the Beatles. Howard argued with him about that. He said that Pink Floyd is good but not better than the Beatles. Brent said he's more of an Elvis fan than the Beatles. Howard said no wonder Bubba threw him out.
Fred played some Iron Maiden. Howard asked if he really thinks this is better than Metallica. Brent said he can sing better than James. Howard said he might have to have a battle of the bands in there between the two.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she works for a cancer center and she does behind the scenes stuff. she said she keeps records and things like that. Howard asked if she gets paid well. She said she works in the South East and it can be between $60,000 to $100,000. She said she works from home doing that too. Howard said that's pretty cool. She said she is listening to the nonsense and she usually likes what Brent has to say. she said that he is an educated guy. She said whenever she hears Jeff she wants to vomit. She said that Jeff has major issues. She said that Jeff has COPD and he must have lungs like ground glass. She said the deal with pot smoking is that he should not be doing it. She said that the data is out there and Brent can look it up. Brent said they say that THC kills cancer. the caller said it does not. Howard asked what cup size she is. she said she's between a B and C because she lost a lot of weight. The caller was going on and on but Howard said he agrees with her. He let her go after that. He told her to send him a photo of herself.
Howard thanked Brent too. Brent said Iron Maiden rules. Howard said he's sure they do. Howard asked on what planet Metallica would be behind Iron Maiden. JD said he doesn't like the higher singing. He likes a growling.
Howard said his dad brought home the entire Doors catalog and he threw it out. He didn't like them. Robin said they were a decent band. JD said he likes ''Not to Touch The Earth.'' Howard said he doesn't know that one. they all did their impressions of JD singing.
Howard said JD was doing his top 5 list. Howard asked what's next. JD said they have Mike Woods coughing on Good Day New York. Howard played the clip and Mike was having trouble with a tickle in his throat. He wasn't able to stop coughing.
Howard said that shows how archaic newscasts are. Howard said the app on his iPhone never coughs. Howard asked who is getting their weather from those guys. Robin said High Pitch Erik is. Howard said that's because he's jerking off to him. Howard said he never hears Siri coughing when he asks for the weather. Howard said he never hears anyone getting their weather from the weather man. Robin said some people like to hear it from their friends in the morning.
Howard asked JD what they have at number 2. JD said this is from NBC Sports when Rebecca Loh started coughing while she was doing highlights. Howard played the clip of her coughing. She was trying to speak and wasn't able to get anything out so they moved on to someone else. Howard said Jeff the Drunk just called in saying he's worried about her COPD.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wants to talk about Brent. He said he thinks everything he says you should take the opposite and that's the way to go. Howard said this guy thinks Brent doesn't know what he's talking about. Howard said he has a lot of information. The caller said it's all wrong.
Howard asked JD where they are. They were at number 1. JD said this is good and it's in 2 parts. He said this was in Arkansas and this weather girl was unable to stop coughing. Howard played the clip and the weather girl was having trouble with her cough in one segment. She kept going for a few but then turned it over to the news anchors. She was still coughing in the background. Howard said all she had to do was not cough for 30 seconds of her entire day.
Howard played the second part of the clip. In that one the woman was still coughing and threw it to the news anchor again. She was still coughing in the background. Howard laughed as he heard her coughing.
Howard said it sounds like Gary's soul mate. Howard said it's a big report about tornados. Howard said it turns out she's allergic to tornados. Howard said he used to cough as a kid and his mom would tell him to stop with all the coughing. She'd tell him you don't need to cough. He said that's how she talked to him. He said that got him to quiet the fuck down. Howard said he still thinks he can control it.
Howard said his mother put up with nothing. He said she'd ask about what's up with all of these involuntary responses. Howard said it's true though. He said he told his kids the same thing and realized he sounded like an idiot. He said he told them to go ask their grandmother.
Howard said when he'd tell them they don't need to cough his mother would say she never said that to him. He said she had a thing with coughing. Robin said a lot of coughing is voluntary. Howard said maybe so.
Howard thanked JD for the list. He said that was pretty good. Howard said he was listening to a chick on some channel where she was in the middle of a newscast and she started wandering around not making sense. JD said she lost her train of thought in the middle of her report. Howard said that was weird. JD said that was from the CBC. Howard told Robin to listen to this. Howard played a clip of the reporter doing her report about a girl riding a skate board and holding on to a Jeep and she got run over. Then she was repeating herself and cursing. She lost her train of thought and they moved away from her live report.
Howard said she wasn't making sense at all. He said she got hung up on RNC. Robin said that she got hung up on the RNC saying this wasn't common. Howard said that's how he feels on this show too. He said he loves fuck ups on TV. He loved when she said ''Fuck.'' Robin said she hopes she's okay. Howard said if they had her there she'd be rewarded for that.
Celebrity Fund Raiser Discussions. 08/15/17. 10:05am
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that she gave Howard a shout out on Home Shopping Network last night. She said that she's calling about Howard going to some party and J-Lo being there. Howard said he didn't bump into her. Howard said he went to this fund raiser for the Apollo theater. Howard said it's a good cause. Howard said he didn't want to go but it's very exciting. He said they had The Roots as the house band. Howard said they have to be the best band on late night. Howard said they did a song that was so good. He said they know a million songs. Howard said they had some guy with a tuba and it was actually good. Howard said he thinks they put out an album of their own. He said whatever they did was good. Howard said he didn't stay for the whole thing though.
Howard said Beth got tired and she had to go. He said it was very lovely. He said he's going to send a check. Robin said Mariann said that J-Lo was there. Howard said first of all there's a seating arrangement there. He said J-Lo and A-Rod were way up front. Howard said he's pretty successful and he's used to going to the Knick games and sitting up front. Howard said he has an image. He said he was way behind Chris Rock and A-Rod and J-Lo. He said the big stars were up front. Howard said it was kind of weird. He said he could point out some people who shouldn't be in front of him. Howard said J-Lo doesn't make people laugh for 4 hours. Howard said he saw her at a wedding once and she ran from him like he was the plague. He said he got to talk to her husband who was a nice guy. He said he was able to get along with him but she wasn't.
Howard said he saw the back of her head but he didn't talk to her. Howard said he was way back from her. He said that he did wonder what the fuck was going on. He said that there were some famous people there who had a better view of the stage than he did. Howard said he just won't go back. He said he will still support the charity... maybe. He said it was a good show. Robin asked if they think he's JD at a Samantha Bee event. Howard said he's sitting there picking his ass with Don Johnson. Howard laughed. He said he's top shelf. He said that as Ronnie. Howard asked if he's an extra in an Adam Sandler movie.
Robin said she's laughing thinking about JD getting moved from the table he sat at to the right table in the back. Howard said Jimmy Fallon wrote to him asking where he sat and he was embarrassed to write back. Howard said he sat next to Screech and Butch Patrick. Howard said he loves Butch by the way. Robin said she does too. Howard said Screech has a very big penis according to him.
Howard said that he's a big star and suddenly he's High Pitch Erik. He said he was right behind Scott Baio. Robin said he was looking at the back of Tan Mom. Howard said he was between Marcia Brady and Erkle. Howard said he wasn't that important. Howard said his hot wife doesn't need to see him in that position. He said with his celebrity he's one of the most famous people there in New York but some people don't want to acknowledge it. Howard said they wonder who he is.
Howard said they can have their party out there. Howard said he's not a snob but he has a reputation to keep up. Howard said he's A-list but he was G-list that night. He said he's not as important as that guy from the Patriots, Robert Kraft. Howard said Steven Seagal pushed him out of the way. He said Lou Ferrigno told him to get out of the way. Howard did his impression of Lou for a second and then did a live commercial read and went to break.
- Ronald ''Hollywood'' Mund. 08/17/17. 10:00am
Next on today's replay show they played a segment where Howard talked about Ronnie's movie shoot. Here's my rundown:
Ronnie's Non-Speaking Movie Role. 08/15/17. 8:00am
After the break Howard came right back and said he still hears a water sound in the background. Howard said it sounds like water on the microphone. Howard said he's irritated by everything.
Howard said Ronnie informed him that he is leaving early to go shoot that Adam Sandler movie. Howard said he shouldn't have to leave work early. He said he should schedule that for after work. Howard said Richard Christy did the Guardians of the Galaxy movie and he was able to work around work. He said Ronnie has a shitty little part and no lines. He said he's not sure why he's doing it. Howard said he tried to tell Benjy about how shitty his part is in Sharknado 5. Howard said Benjy is the one doing them the favor. Howard said they should be sucking his dick. Howard said no one is talking about Sharknado. He said they put him in it so he'll talk about it on the air. Howard said they give him the shittiest part.
Howard said Richard was in Guardians of the Galaxy and they gave him a shitty part too. Howard said Richard is a sucker. Howard said now Ronnie is going to do the movie and he doesn't even have any lines. He said he's basically an extra. Howard said they could send the Flat Ronnie over there. Howard said Richard is leaving early to do it too.
Howard said they get more air time being in there than they do getting into a movie. Howard said they might call on them to do parts on shows that won't get any ratings. Howard said everyone takes their career for granted. He said that you have to have some god damn dignity. Howard said there's an open call for more extras and they're paying people $125 to do that. Howard said you can be in the same scene with Ronnie. Howard said you don't miss your paying job for a shitty job. He said it's fucking unbelievable.
Howard asked where Ronnie is. Howard had him come in. He said it's just weird for him to have him leaving early. Howard said he doesn't even have any lines. Ronnie came in and said he did tell them he was working. He said he had someone to cover for him later in the morning. Howard asked why he would do that for a non-speaking role. Howard said they could cast Flat Ronnie in there. Ronnie said he's not leaving until 10 o'clock. Howard said this is his real job. He said Benjy looks like an idiot in that Sharknado movie.
Robin said now it's costing more to have him in that stupid movie for Howard. Ronnie asked what she means. Robin asked if he has to pay the person who replaces Ronnie. Ronnie said he has to pay the guy.
Howard said he has this job there and he should tell them he has to work Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. Ronnie said he tried to tell them that but he caved. He said he asked them if they could shoot it last week when they were on vacation. Howard said he should just tell them he's not available. He has a job.
Howard said Richard did it on his own time. Howard said Benjy does it and he's bringing more to the table than Sharknado. Howard said he would think that he's more important to Ronnie than that movie. Ronnie said he is. Howard said he's not thinking shit through. Howard said it's one thing if Adam is giving him something.
Howard said Gary said Ronnie didn't know his lines. He said that he doesn't listen to the show so he had to tell Gary that Ronnie doesn't have any lines. He's like an extra.
Howard took a call from the guys in the back who asked Ronnie for suggestions on how to play a mail box who doesn't have any lines. Ronnie told the guy to go get some socks.
Fred said he's had offers to do stuff and he says no if it's during a show. Howard said Ronnie should do the same.
Howard said Ronnie should just tell them he has a job and say no thanks. Howard asked Gary what he thinks. Gary said he thought they were going to have him just be Ronnie. He said Jason brought him the call for the extras. Gary said he did a Sandler movie but he did it when he was off and out in L.A. He said if it was during work he would have said no.
Howard told Ronnie to have a good time but he has to have some dignity. Howard said he may stand around all day doing nothing. Howard asked what he has to do to get dedicated employees who will just work there.
Gary gave Howard the casting sheet for the extras for the film. they're looking for people 8-88 to be extras. Howard said that's Ronnie's role. Ronnie said he's getting way more than the $125. Howard said that's the role though. Howard said anyone can do what he's doing. Howard told him to have a good shoot today.
Howard took a call from Chad from St. Louis again who asked why it always comes back to Howard. Howard said he's trying to elevate the show. He said they don't know how great they have it there. Howard asked Chad what business he runs. Chad said he doesn't run one. Chad asked if his therapist has ever talked to him about self compassion. Howard told him to get the fuck off his phone again.
Howard took a call from Benjy who asked what time the call for the extras was. Howard asked if he gets what he was saying about Sharknado. Benjy said he does understand but they called him and had him come in to do the part on that day. He said that he didn't do it on a work day. Howard hung up on him a short time later. Howard said he's glad he called in because he can just hang up.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he agrees with him about Ronnie and what the other guys are doing. He said he played an extra and made like $200 a day. Howard said that's what you do when you're a kid. The caller said he has been a listener for about a year now. He said these guys are making good money. He said if he made money like that he'd be working like an intern for him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Howard is trying to make a job for them there and they are taking advantage of him. He said they have 30 million listeners who would quit their jobs to work for him and these guys don't realize how great they have it. Howard wished Ronnie luck today. He told him to go enjoy himself. Fred played Sal saying ''Howard is a sucker'' while they were talking about that.
Ronnie said he's doing a scene with Steve Buscemi today. Howard said he's not even in it with Adam Sandler. Howard said today is Good Movie Shoot Tuesday with Ronnie. Howard asked what happened to Boobie Tuesday. Ronnie said it's a special day. Howard played a song that Ronnie did about his different days of the week. Howard said he should call it half a day at work Tuesday.
Howard and Fred did their Ronnie impressions and had him making up more names for the days of the week. Howard played another song parody that Ronnie performed.
Gary said that the guys were busting his balls this morning about not having lines and Ronnie asked them if their phones are blowing up like his is. Howard said he's wondering if he can get Sandler's driver on the show today. Howard said he's probably busy working for Adam. Howard said in this role he's not even speaking and he's taking off from work. Howard said Eric the Actor had better roles. Robin said Beetlejuice too. Howard said even Beet has better roles than Ronnie. Howard said Ronnie is in silent films. Howard and Fred did more of their Ronnie impressions. They were coming up with all kinds of crazy stuff that Ronnie might say. They had Ronnie singing another song about his days of the week to the tune of ''Happy Days.''
Howard said Ronnie isn't going to speak in the movie. He wishes he wouldn't speak there. He said he's out in the halls talking all the time. Howard said Ronnie just has to stand there doing nothing on the movie.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Ronnie is still getting paid today. Howard said he's getting his full salary. Howard said he has no respect. Howard said he's doing it for a non-talking part. Howard said his stand in is a plant. Howard said that as Ronnie. He had Ronnie talking about the plant standing in for him. Howard said he should have said he's not available on a Tuesday. Ronnie wasn't saying much. Howard said he must be getting through to him. Ronnie said there's nothing to say. He said the only thing is... Howard asked what. Ronnie told him never mind. He said he knew he was coming to work today and he'd be leaving around 10. He said that's the only reason he did it. Howard said he's not going to say anything.
Howard said Robert Smigel is going to be directing him. He said that's pretty cool. Fred and Howard did their impressions of Ronnie talking to Smigel about his talking dog. Howard said he's leaving early to go stand in a funeral scene. Howard asked what's wrong with his guys.
Ronnie said now he doesn't want to go there. He said he's going to look like a douche. Howard said he's going to be standing there all day doing nothing. Ronnie said they have to move locations at night so it won't be all day. Howard said Ronnie is willing to work anywhere but there.
Howard said go do your thing and they look forward to seeing him in the movie. Ronnie said he bets. Howard said go ahead. He said he may end up on the cutting room floor. Howard said he's very happy for him. Robin laughed. Howard said it should be an interesting experience.
Howard and Fred were still doing their Ronnie impressions. Howard said he's going to be working with Steve Buscemi. Howard said he made a big mistake when he saw Steve Buscemi and wanted to show his appreciation. He said hi to Steve and he looked up with his meatball eyes. He said that he told him he loves Boardwalk Empire and the guy looked at him like he was such an asshole. Howard said the guy is a great actor though. Howard said he's sure Buscemi thought the roles would be coming in. Now he's with Ronnie the Limo Driver.
Howard said they were trying to cut all the songs with Ronnie. He had some outtakes. Howard played some of those. They had Ronnie coming up with names in the Happy Days song parody. Howard said there you go after playing the clip.
Howard took a call from Ralph Cirella who said just apologize to Howard when you make a mistake. He said they have such passive aggressive behavior toward Howard. Ronnie came back in and asked if he got defensive. Ralph said that he was acting like he's not going to have a great day. He said he made excuses too. He said that it's all about Ronnie and not about the other people. Ronnie thanked Ralph for that. Howard said he heard Ronnie was out in the hall saying that this was ruining his day. Ronnie said he wants to hear who said that. Howard said he was corrected and he actually said it on the air. Howard said he didn't ruin his day. He ruined his own day.
Howard said Ronnie is leaving the show early to go shoot a non-speaking role. Howard said he didn't know he was doing that until this morning. Ronnie said he did tell him before that. He said if he didn't want him doing it then he should have said something. Howard said they called his agent and asked if that was okay for him to do. He said he told his agent it was a nice thing to do and he should pass it on to Ronnie. He said after that he's done with it. He has nothing to do with the timing of it. Howard said he should do it if he wants to. Robin said he was so excited about it that he didn't even look at it to see what it was. Howard said he doesn't mind him being an extra but it's during work hours.
Ralph said it's not like there's no time to do it when Ronnie's not working. Ronnie said they said they couldn't do it. Howard said he should have said he was out then. Ronnie said he should have. Howard said he should have said he has work. Howard said instead of that he just said he would be there. Ronnie said he told them he would see what he could do to work it out.
Ronnie said he didn't find out about not having lines until after he had worked it out. He said his name is Ronnie the Limo Driver in it. He said that he has no idea what he's even doing. Ronnie said he doesn't have to read the script if he doesn't have lines. Howard asked what if it says ''Shithead number 5 carries a casket.'' Ralph said maybe he's in the casket. Ronnie said he knows he's not in the casket.
Howard asked what he thinks he would do if he was asked to do a movie instead of working on the radio show. Ronnie said he knows what Howard would do. Howard asked how he knows he's not going to have pig's blood dumped on him. Ralph said he'd be curious to read the script just to know what he'll be doing.
Howard told Ronnie to go ahead and do the movie. Ronnie said he's not going. He said he's going to call them right now and not go. Howard said now he's going to look like the bad guy. Howard told Ronnie to leave now to be sure he's on time. Howard said they have a new movie coming out where they want Ronnie to play a coat rack. Ronnie said he did those two parts on Cougar Town and he had lines in that. He did Limitless and he had lines too. He said he still gets checks from that. Ralph said he gets checks from Howard too. Ronnie said Ralph doesn't do anything either. He said he hears about Ralph not showing up to work. Howard said he doesn't talk about that in the car. Howard said they should work around Ronnie's hours and go work on the set of the movie. Howard said he can go do the movie and then they'll finish the show when Ronnie returns.
Howard told Ronnie to go shoot the movie and he'll send Shuli over there. Howard said it'll be funny to hear how he's not doing anything on the set. Howard said he can't wait to see his scene. Howard said he's Charlie Chaplain over there.
Howard did an impression of a movie announcer talking about Ronnie being a coffin holder. Howard said he's Daniel Day Mund. Howard said he doesn't speak but he says it all in action. Robin said he does all of his own stunts too. Howard said he's holding his own coffin. Howard wondered if everyone in the scene is skipping their jobs. Howard made up more movie announcer stuff for Ronnie's parts.
Ralph asked if Ronnie knows what's happening in the scene. Ronnie said Stephanie knows that they do talk about him at times. Howard said he should go by three names now. He said he should be Ronald Norman Mund. Howard made up more stuff as the movie announcer. Howard had him starring with Stephen Colbert's limo driver and Jimmy Fallon's landscaper.
Robin said she hopes he gets screen time after all of this. Howard said it's going to be some movie. He said Ronnie is going to steal the movie. Robin said he'll steal it when it's in the can. Howard asked what the movie is called. Ronnie said it's something like ''The Week Of'' or something. Howard said he can't wait for the Academy Awards. Howard did the announcer voice and gave the award for best Pallbearer to Ronald Norman Mund. Fred was doing his Ronnie impression and getting all excited about the win. Howard had Ronnie getting all worked up about it.
Howard said he could have a title of ''Old Creep'' in the movie. Ralph was cracking up at that. Howard said it's a movie like they've never seen before. He said that the Old Creep has a panther tattoo that just about leaps off the screen. He said he moles around his shark look like pebbles on the beach. Howard was doing the announcer voice and introducing Ronald Norman Mund.
Howard kept making up more and more stuff about Ronnie. Ronnie took a call from Stephanie while all of that was going on. Ronnie said the movie is called ''The Week Of'' like he said it was. He said he's number 76 on the call sheet.
Ralph asked if he knows anyone else who is in it. Ronnie said he doesn't know anything. Howard said he's getting dizzy from this. He said he has to go. Howard said Ronnie has to go actually. Ralph said he has another hour and 10 minutes to hang out before he leaves. Ronnie said he has a car coming for him. Howard said the car has as many lines as he does. Howard and Fred kept going with the Ronnie impressions. Howard said he really does have to take a break. Howard said his chest hurts from laughing. Fred did his Triumph the Insult Comic Dog impression and had him directing Ronnie in the movie. Howard was cracking himself up coming up with lines about Ronnie and the stuff he's talked about on the air. Ronnie said it's going to be a great day. Ralph said he's dying to know what the scene is. Fred said he's playing a cock ring.
Howard said this is the best. He heard he's stressed out over the Screen Actors Guild vote. Howard said he throws them in the garbage. Ronnie said he voted. He said he voted for the chick that's already in charge. He said he liked her in 90210. Howard said Esai Morales is up against Gabrielle Carteris. Ronnie said he voted for her. Ralph said this is who is voting. Ronnie said he liked Gabrielle in 90210 so that's why he voted for her. Howard said he votes for anyone with a cunt.
Howard was doing more of his outrageous Ronnie talking about why he's voting for the person with the cunt. Ronnie asked who said he was complaining about this. Robin asked why he's even talking about it. Ronnie said he wasn't talking about it. Gary said that he did complain about it to one guy. Ronnie asked why he would talk to anyone about it. Howard said that's how it got back to him. Ronnie said he didn't talk about it to anyone there. He said the only person was Stephanie.
Howard did more of his Ronnie talking about the reason he voted for the woman. He said he voted for the one who had the steamy piss flaps. Ronnie said he has to go. Howard and Fred kept going with their impressions of Ronnie.
Howard said Ronnie's driver for the Sandler movie is on the phone. Howard picked up and one of the guys in the back was doing a Ronnie impression talking about how he had to be on the set of a Spade movie after he drops off Ronnie. Ronnie asked if he's wearing his orange sneakers today. Howard told him to try to suspend disbelief. Howard let the driver go a short time later.
Howard said they had some fun with that. Ronnie didn't sound so thrilled with it. The guys continued to goof on him. Ronnie told Ralph he doesn't care what he says. Howard wanted to hear it. Ralph would try to speak and Ronnie talked over him every time. Ronnie asked if he can go now. Howard and Fred were still goofing on him.
Ronnie said he's going to be presenting at the Exotic Dancer Awards in Vegas soon. He said he hasn't been able to do it the past 5 years because they had to work. He said this time they're off. Howard said Ronnie is running off to do the movie with no speaking. Ronnie said he has to go. Howard kept goofing on him. Howard wondered how long they can keep this going. He and Fred were coming up with the categories they might have in the Exotic Dancer Awards. They had all kinds of disgusting categories they were throwing out there. Howard said that's enough with Ronnie. He told him to go shoot his movie. Ralph said this is Howard's fault because he created this monster. Robin said he's their Frankenstein. Howard let Ralph go and said he's getting some air time in. He said that he's just jealous of Ronnie. Howard said he hopes that Smigel uses the puppet to direct Ronnie. They went to break a short time later.
Today's show was over around 11:05am.