- Unnamed Vacation Special. 09/17/14. 6:00am
Howard has been taking Wednesdays off all summer so he can work late at America's Got Talent. This is the last Wednesday off for this season of AGT. They played a bunch of ''Best Of'' segments to fill in for the show today. Here's what they played:
- RIP Johnny Ramone - September 17, 2004. 09/17/14. 6:00am
First up today they played a segment from 2004 when Howard talked about Johnny Ramone's death. Here's my rundown from that day:
Johnny Ramone Misses His Final Interview. 09/17/04. 6:00am
Show opening bits and songs included: ''It's Just Wrong Home Game'' commercial parody, Bryan Adams performs a medley of songs live in the studio.
Howard was back after taking a day off for Rosh Hashana. He said that Tommy Ramone would be calling in today to say a few words about Johnny Ramone who died a couple of days ago. Howard claims that Johnny was actually supposed to be a guest on the show today but he passed away before that was supposed to happen. He said he wasn't kidding about that either. He said Johnny wanted Howard to be his last interview. Will came in and told Howard that he was in contact with his people over the weekend and they told him early in the week that they didn't think Johnny was going to make it to Friday but it was too late at that point to get him on the show.
Howard talked about going to Rick Rubin's house one time and meeting a bunch of actors who were so busy e-mailing people on their Blackberry's that they barely gave him the time of day. He said next time he goes there he will have to bring his own Blackberry to fit in with everyone else. The time he went there he was with Angie Everhart and they went to watch some old comedy movie but it wasn't even that good. He got all bummed out that day. It was a real weird night according to him. He was telling the story because he had met Johnny Ramone at Rick's house another time and that was a fun party. He heard that Johnny had been diagnosed with cancer about 10 years ago. Joey Ramone also died and he heard that Joey and Johnny were not talking for a long time because of a girl. He thought that he'd read that Joey had a girlfriend that Johnny stole and married but he wasn't sure if that was actually what happened. It led to a 15 year silence according to Fred. Fred said he wasn't sure about the marriage part but Joey did lose a girl to Johnny.
Howard said he was out in Las Vegas years ago and Ralph ended up stealing a girl away from Richie. Howard thought that was kind of uncool but Richie really didn't mind. Howard said that all of The Ramones were cool guys. They appeared on his WWOR TV show many years ago and did a bit with him. Some of the guys even had some great fights on his radio show as well. Howard said there is only one remaining member of the original band and he'll be calling in later in the morning. Markee Ramone wasn't an original member but Robin said she may end up being the band's spokesperson if things keep going this way.
Howard and the guys talked about what happened to the other members of the band. Howard said Dee Dee died of an overdose. Joey had lymphoma and Johnny had some kind of cancer that killed him as well. Howard heard from his old friend Meg Griffin and she told him that she'd be doing a tribute to the band. He said he used to see the guys hanging out in the parking lot of WRNW because Meg used to give them a lot of air play. He talked about how cool the band was and how he liked them so much he put one of their songs in his movie ''Private Parts.'' Howard tried to remember back when he used to hang out with Johnny but then he remembered that it may not have been Johnny but Tom Morello of Rage Against the Machine. He then figured that Johnny was there at the party with Tom Morello.
Gary said he ran into Johnny Ramone at a baseball card show one time. He ended up spending 10 minutes talking to him about which cards he was looking for at the time. That led to Howard talking about how he heard that Johnny sold off some of his baseball card collection when he was dying so his wife would be okay. He didn't think that they were great business men and that they probably got screwed over the years in their record deals.
Howard played some of The Ramones songs and talked about what a great band they were. Fred thought they were great as well. Howard played some ''I Wanna Be Sedated'' and ''Sheena is a Punk Rocker.'' He also played some of their ''Pinhead'' song which was the song that was in Howard's movie. Howard mentioned that he's producing a remake of their movie ''Rock and Roll High School'' as well. Gary said he heard that The Ramones sold off their songs many years ago and that's why they show up in movies and stuff these days.
Gary tried to call some of the people who were bedside with Johnny when he died but no one returned his calls. Rob Zombie, Vincent Gallo and Pete Yorn were all by his side when he died. Howard said he was serious when he said that Johnny really was supposed to do the show today. He got a note saying that Johnny wanted Howard to be his final interview and things just didn't work out. Howard said that's typical of The Ramones because they just had bad timing.
Jessica Hahn called in and told Howard that she heard that Lisa Marie Presley was at Johnny's bed side. Howard said that sounds like it was the place to be. He figures he should have been there so now he's going to try and get in line to be the keynote speaker at his funeral. That led to the guys talking about Joey Ramone as well and how some people say that Howard looked like Joey. Howard said Joey had wider hips than he did and he made sure of that. Joey was also taller than he was. He said he really didn't look like him as much as people thought. Howard told the fans that Jessica is always on his bulletin board and talks to the fans. She said she was on this morning and she was talking to a few people like DrDoom, MaMaMonkey and many different Artie names.
A caller told Howard that Eddie Vedder was also bedside with Johnny Ramone earlier in the week. Howard said he'd like to read about how he was bedside but he blew it. Howard talked about the time he was supposed to perform with The Ramones on the Jerry Lewis Telethon but the local TV station didn't want him on. Six months later they hired him to work there on their station, WWOR.
Howard said that there's something going on with Mark McGrath of Sugar Ray. He said that he's a co-host on Extra now. He wants to get him on the phone to find out what happened to him. He used to be kind of happening and now he's hosting an entertainment TV show. Howard had to take a break shortly after that discussion.
- Jackie's Phone System - February 9, 2000. 09/17/14. 6:35am
Next up today they played a segment where Howard talked to Jackie about being late. Here's my rundown from that day:
Jackie Shows Up Late. 2/9/00. 7:10am
Jackie the Joke Man showed up kind of late this morning. At around 7:10 Jackie showed up claiming that he'd set his alarm clock incorrectly. He told Howard that it was set one click away from the alarm and he didn't realize it. Howard told him that no one even noticed he wasn't there until about 7am. Jackie was kind of upset that nobody called him to tell him he was late. No one noticed so no one called. Howard figures Jackie was just up too late last night partying and the clock thing was just an excuse. Jackie said he stayed up until about 11 last night so he could watch ''The Sopranos'' but he's used to going to bed that late. Then Howard said that someone had checked the computer for Jackie's phone number and he's got about 9 different numbers in there. He's got his mother's number, his home numbers, his Manhattan apartment number among others. No one knew he was in the city so they wouldn't have known to call that number. That led to a discussion about how Jackie and his wife have separate numbers for their businesses Off Hour Rockers and Spinning Plates. Stuttering John has seen the house where the two businesses are and said the phones are about 5 feet apart but one person won't answer the other's phone. That led to them talking about Jackie's wife's band the Scoldees. Howard ended up playing a bunch of clips from the album. He goofed on a bunch of the lyrics while talking about how it's Jackie's money going to pay for his wife's band. Jackie made sure to plug the band's web site Scoldees.com where you can download the songs yourself.. and goof on them.
- Ben Stern Game - August 22, 2005. 09/17/14. 7:25am
Next up today they played a segment where Howard's dad came in to play a game to help a listener win some money. Here's my rundown from that day:
Will Rhonda Win Ben Stern's Money? 08/22/05. 8:35am
After the break Howard gave Scores the plug that he was supposed to give during the previous segment. He said that the Scores in Las Vegas will be opening September 21st and you can visit them at ScoresLasVegas.com. Mariann from Brooklyn called in and asked to talk to Howard's father during the next segment. Howard told her that he'd let her talk to him after the game. She was also saying that High Pitch Eric isn't that bad of a guy.
Howard moved on to bring in his father Ben who was there to play a game with a fan who was there to try and win $5,000. Artie introduced himself to Ben and Howard pointed out Benjy who was sitting back there with him as well. Howard played some of the old audio of his father talking about the ''green type of tube'' when he was working at a radio station when Howard was a kid. He actually worked at the same station Howard works at but it was called something different back then. It was called WHOM back then. Howard had Ben say hello to the rest of the crew and then said that Ben would be playing for a fan who was there. He had to answer questions about his son and if he won, the woman would win the five grand.
Howard introduced Rhonda who was there to play the game. He read that she was raised her grandparents because her mother was in prison for passing bad checks. She also went to prison for hiding a dead body, which was her husband at the time, who was killed by her 18 year old boyfriend. Rhonda was trying to tell the story but she was so nervous that she was having trouble remembering the story. She said something about the boyfriend beating the husband over the head with a baseball bat. The guy and Rhonda's mother wrapped the body up and brought it to the parking lot of a Burger King. Howard read that Rhonda was beaten up by a family member and her family life was just horrible. Right now she's broke and needs the money to play back her daughter's college fund because she's been borrowing from that.
Howard told his father that he was under a lot of pressure to win this game. He had two ways to play the game, one was a little easier because he was going to have Rhonda guess if Ben was going to be able to answer correctly or not. The other way was to ask Ben 10 questions and he'd have to answer a certain number correctly. Ben thought it would be best if she guessed at how he was going to answer. Howard gave Ben a test question about what year Howard graduated high school. Ben said that it was in 1971 but Howard said it was actually 1972. Ben thought about it and Howard turned out to be correct when he said it was 1972. Howard asked his father another question and asked him to name one teacher he had in school. Ben didn't know any names. That was another test question so Rhonda didn't win or lose a point on that one.
Howard got to the real game and asked his father the questions. There were 9 left and Rhonda had to match 5 of the 9. Here are some of the questions and the outcome...
Howard saw Ben looking at his notes after the first one and thought it was pretty funny that he had notes but still didn't know Debra's middle name. Gary came in a short time later and said that Howard's mother was out in the green room howling with laughter that he didn't know this stuff. She came in the studio a short time later and said she may have to get a divorce if he doesn't know this stuff. Ben said he hopes that no one he knows is listening to the show today. Howard let his mother go back to the green room and took a call from Captain Janks. He wanted to ask a question himself. He asked Ben if he ever caught Howard ''servicing'' himself as a kid. Ben thought about it and said he doesn't remember doing that. He said if he had caught him, he would have told him to be neat and to ''keep it clean.'' Howard got back to the game and asked some more questions:
- What are Howard's daughter's middle names? - Rhonda said he would know - Ben's answer: Emily Beth, Debra ???, Ashley Jade: Incorrect. (Debra Jennifer)
- What is Howard's hebrew name? - Rhonda said he would know - Ben's answer: Hash or Dove: Incorrect
Howard took some phone calls during the game and one guy asked Ben if he was proud of his son growing up. Ben claims he was even though Howard said that Ben yelled at him for not passing penmanship in school. Howard wrapped up the game and said that Rhonda had won the five grand and had the guys bring in his mother who was probably amazed that he didn't know any of this stuff. Ben said that he thought that Howard was switched at birth. Howard's mother came in and said she vaguely remembered the penicillin thing but couldn't believe that Ben didn't know the answers to most of those questions he was asked.
- Who was Howard's kindergarten teacher? - Rhonda said he wouldn't know - Ben didn't know even though Howard had just told him 5 minutes earlier.
- Where is Beth O, Howard's girlfriend, from? - Rhonda said he wouldn't know - Ben said ''Pittsburgh'' and got it right.
- Where did Howard go to Day Camp as a child? - Rhonda said he wouldn't know - Ben said he didn't know - It was Camp Bauman in Merrick.
- What is the age difference between Howard and Ellen? - Rhonda said he would know - Ben said it's 4 years - He was correct.
- What is Howard's astrological sign? - Rhonda said he wouldn't know - Ben said he didn't know the sign, it's Capricorn
- What was the name of Howard's grammar school? - Rhonda said he would know - Ben didn't know.
- Does Howard have any allergies? - Rhonda said he wouldn't know - Ben said Howard doesn't have any allergies, he was wrong, Howard is allergic to penicillin.
Sal the Stockbroker came in and told Ben that it was an honor to have Ben there because he's got magical sperm. He had a song parody about it but Howard told him to get out after playing about 2 seconds of the song. Mariann from Brooklyn called in and told Howard's parents how great their son is and then asked Ben what subject in school he demanded Howard take to make sure he had a career. Ben remembered having Howard do some work on stage but Mariann said the actual class was Typing because anyone could get a job if they knew how to type. Ben also suggested that Howard take piano lessons but the teacher ended up committing suicide.
Howard brought up his father's penis size and asked his mother if she compared his to his father's. She jokingly said they compared them every day. Howard told Rhonda about her win again and said that the prize money was courtesy of ''Ultimate Fighter 2'' which airs on SpikeTV at 11:05pm tonight. Rhonda said that her father wouldn't have known any answers about her and Robin laughed her ass off because Ben only knew two questions more than Rhonda's father would have. Howard let Rhonda go after that and spent a couple more minutes with his parents. He asked Ben what he had on his note paper. Ben said he had some of Howard's childhood friend's names on the paper but that was about it. Howard wondered if he asked the same questions he asked earlier if he would remember what the answers were. He asked Ben what Debra's middle name was. Ben had to think about it but he did remember that it was Jennifer.
Ben said he was watching the movie ''Coming to America'' and there's a scene where Don Amici and Ralph Bellamy are playing bums on the street. He was asking the guys if they knew why they were in that movie. Everyone knew that they were in Trading Places with Eddie Murphy and that's why they were in the movie. Howard asked his father some questions like ''Who's the current Secretary of State'' and he knows answers like that. He just doesn't know anything about his son. Howard wasn't sure how old his father was and found out that he's 82. His mother is 77. Howard said they look great and both still have all of their marbles. They claim that they're still sexually active. Howard was trying to find out more about their sex life but they didn't have much to say about it. He wondered if his mother would let his dad eat ice cream off of her belly. She said she would probably do that. A woman called in and said that she couldn't get out of her car because this conversation was hilarious. She suggested that Howard put them on SIRIUS and give them their own show over there. Howard said he may just do that this September when his channel goes live over there.
Benjy got up and asked Howard's parents if they have ever been offended by what Howard has said on the air. Howard remembered one time that he said something that he regretted later on and had to apologize for. He said he didn't want to bring up the subject again though. There was another time that Gary's mother called Howard's mother to complain about something that Howard had said about him on the show one day. Gary said he felt like a real tool that time and wanted Howard to go off on him even worse the next day because he didn't want his mother sticking up for him like that.
Ben told Howard that he was afraid that Howard was going to give him the business today so he was going to ask him to give the ''FAO Oath'' when he came in. Howard said the FAO Oath was something he would swear to when he was a kid and his father would bring him to FAO Schwartz. Howard had to swear that he wouldn't ask for more than one thing when they went in there. Howard took a call from Dominic Barbara who asked the parents when they knew Howard was going to be famous. Ben said that when he went to work in Westchester and saw a picture of him in the NY Times a few weeks later. Howard said that was a fluke because there were a bunch of other famous people working there. Howard just happened to be on the air doing a horrible radio show and the journalist wanted a picture of him, not any of the more famous jocks over there. Howard wrapped up with his parents after that. Artie interrupted and asked Ben for his pick in the 5th at Belmont. Ben said that was a very good question but he didn't have an answer. He said that maybe they should head over there after the show. Howard went to break after playing some audio of his father singing ''Never Walk Alone.''
- Marc Maron - May 1, 2013. 09/17/14. 8:25am
Next up today they played a Marc Maron interview from 2013. Here's my rundown from that day:
Marc Maron Visits. 05/01/13. 7:05am
After the break we heard some prank calls Sal and Richard made to a Swap and Shop show where they wanted to do wife swapping. Fred also played their new theme song ''Bow Down'' as they were coming back.
Howard came back and said that's their new theme song. Howard said that basketball player who came out gay was with a WNBA basketball player who is shocked that he's gay. Howard said that they were dating for like 8 years. Howard said if a guy is dating a player in the WNBA then you can't be that shocked that he's gay. Howard said he's just full of stereotypes.
Howard said he thinks that a bunch of other basketball players might come out of the closet even if they're not gay. This guy is getting a lot of attention. Howard said he thinks that a lot of the chicks in the WNBA look like that giant chick on Game of Thrones.
Howard said Marc Maron is there. He had him come in. He said that Marc was jealous of other people and he wanted to kill himself because of it. Howard said he gets that. He said he can get consumed with that kind of thing too. Howard said he still gets angry with people who do well. Marc said that Jon Stewart was one of the people he was upset over. He said they started out together and he would see Jon everywhere and it was like him saying ''Fuck you Maron'' all the time. Howard asked if he and Jon came up in comedy at the same time. Marc said they did. He said he got to host Short Attention Span Theater after Jon started it and he ended up killing it too.
Howard asked Marc about doing Air America for a short time. Marc said that happened because he had just moved to Los Angeles. He said his career never really took off. Howard said he never really heard of Marc before. He said Gary told him about him and he heard some stories and he came up with Louis C.K. and he must have disliked him too. Marc said he and Louis worked things out. He said that he and Jon still have something going on there. Howard asked if he ever runs into him. Marc said not really. He said he used to bad mouth Jon to his face. He said he thinks Jon is still mad at him over that.
Marc said that Jon has the confidence to never change his hair cut. Marc said he never had that. Howard said Marc is saying that he's an angry, pissed off guy. Marc said if you're an asshole then you get humbled. He said that your wife laves and your career goes down the crapper.
Howard asked Marc about auditioning for Saturday Night Live and how that didn't work out. Howard said Marc must have wondered what was going on while all of these other guys were making it. Marc said he would ask why other guys were making it and he wasn't. Howard asked if he was handing around losers because of that. Marc said he hung around with other comedians. He said he couldn't quite reconcile why things weren't working.
Howard asked Marc if he ever wanted to give up the comedy thing. Marc said things were going really bad for a while there but then his podcast hit pretty big and that changed things. Marc said that his podcast gets like 700,000 downloads. He said he has done some podcasts with people like Louis C.K. and he worked things out with him in a two partner. He said he couldn't handle his success and he had to work things out with him. He said they've been friends for years. Howard asked if he told Louis that he was jealous of him. Marc said that's what he told him. He said that upset him but he had his own problems. He said they had this thing between them and hadn't spoken much. He said he went to his house with the microphone and had a talk with him there. He said they didn't hate each other but they had to work things out in person.
Marc told Howard he wanted to make up with Jon Stewart but he was so shitty to the guy that Jon had to remind him about that. Marc said that there was one moment where he was on stage at the Boston Comedy Club and Jon walked in and he asked him how sucking satan's cock was. He said Jon didn't know what to do with that. Marc said that Jon pointed out that he was hosting Short Attention Span Theater and he didn't have to take that shit from him anymore. Marc said he was bullying Jon. He said he wanted to do the apology thing with him and Jon said he didn't want to do it. He said it was a great moment for him when Jon said he wouldn't do the podcast because there was no love there.
Howard said he can tell that it bothers Marc about Jon. He said Jon is one of the nicest people he's ever met. He said that he stayed in a hotel that Jon was staying at and he talked to him there. He said he's so nice so he can see why this would bother Marc. Marc said he was in Portland, Oregon and Gallagher had just walked out on his Podcast. He said the guy stormed out and then he gets the call back from Jon and Jon said no. He said that he was right to turn it down. He said that he hung up the phone and part of him was saying he wasn't going to have coffee with him. He said he's still got that anger in him and it won't leave. Howard said it never will.
Howard said he has picked up the phone and called people. He said he has anger too. Howard said he knows where Marc's anger comes from. It all comes from the parenting. Howard said his dad was a doctor who was cold and aloof. Howard said his dad always stole attention from his son. Howard said that Marc's father turned to him at his college graduation that he was going to kill himself. Howard asked why he would do that. Marc said that he got that all his life. Marc said he erases your sense of self and it was all about him. Howard said it sounds like his mother was self absorbed too. Howard said she was anoroexic. Howard said Marc once said that she was 119 pounds and she called him to correct him saying that she's only 116.
Marc said his mother told him that she couldn't love him if he was fat. He said that was just a couple of years ago. Howard said this is where his anger comes from. Howard said Marc goes berserk and lashes out. Howard said he would do the same thing. Howard said he would go into a new radio market and scream about guys he didn't even know. Howard said he has a lot of issues with wanting attention. He said he didn't grow up in a certain way. He said his father raped him anally too. He said he was just kidding of course.
Howard said Marc told a story about his father sticking his fingers in his grandfather's mouth. Marc said he had a guy come in to give him a proctological exam at the house. He said he was probably 7 or 8 years old. He said he had pain in his stomach. Marc said his father is an orthopedic and he was going to examine him. He said his dad stuck his finger in his ass. He said his father didn't know what was wrong with him. He said his dad basically finger banged him. He said he was thinking he had appendicitis. He said that he brought another guy over to the house and that guy tried to diagnose it. He said they had just moved to town so this guy was the one guy he knew there. He said he was a huge black guy who had big sideburns. He said he figured the guy had his shit together. Marc said Dr. Chester came to the house and they were in the bathroom and he got another finger up his ass. He said his dad was there watching and he figured if a cop came in they'd say ''It's okay, we're doctors.''
Howard said that is so invasive. He said this is what Marc wrote about in his book. Marc said that they were at his grandfather's funeral and his dad wanted to see the body. He said the woman at the funeral home opened up the box and there was his grandfather's face. He said he pulled open his mouth with his finger to look in the mouth. Marc said his father just anted to see his teeth to see if it was him.
Howard asked Marc if the family is happy for him. Marc said his father had some depression and he thinks that making them laugh was a way to get their attention. Howard said that's where his anger came from. Marc asked if they fixed it. Howard said they may not have fixed it but they figured it out.
Howard and Robin went back and forth trying to explain where this anger came from. Howard said his father didn't have jack shit to do with him being funny. Robin said that's where most comedians get it from. They're trying to protect themselves and make someone else laugh.
Howard asked Marc if he's been married. Marc said he has been a couple of times. He said he has a nice woman now and she's adorable. He said she's 29. Marc said he's 49. Howard said that works. Marc said she emailed him and said she listens to the show. He said it was touch and go in the beginning but now it's great. Robin asked what was touch and go. Marc said as a comic you don't date much. He said that when you get off stage you'll meet someone and you'll bang them. He said he was married and he was trying to fuck her out of his life. Marc said he's more prone to crying than yelling. He said when the second one left she ended up with a guy who she may have been emotionally cheating with. Howard said that must be tough. Marc said that can ruin a relationship when you wonder if she's cheating. He said she left and some of that was because of his anger. He said that can drain someone.
Howard asked if she's dating Jon Stewart. Marc said if she is then someone should tell Jon's wife. Marc said she just had a baby and he just has to google her to find out who she's dating. He said he only had to do that once. Marc told Howard about his girlfriend and how great she is for him.
Howard asked Marc about his new TV show ''Maron'' which is going to be on IFC on Friday nights. Howard said Marc created a TV show based on the Podcast thing. Marc said the show is a scripted comedy. Howard said that must be great for him after seeing all of these up and coming young people like Whitney Cummings and Amy Schumer. Marc said he tries not to get jealous of women. He said he doesn't think he could have been a woman.
Howard asked Marc if he's ever done a roast. Marc said he did the Chevy Chase roast and it was like the worst night of his life. He said he's not great at roasting. He said he's got that anger and that's there to hurt someone. He said he got up there and they had a lot of people on the dais. Marc said he got up on stage and bombed. He said he was just bombing and Chevy didn't give a fuck. He said the jokes were good but he could feel his personality disintegrating. He said he was on the verge of tears after doing it. He said he didn't know if he could keep doing comedy.
Howard asked Marc if he knew Sam Kinison. Marc said he got a job as a door man at the Comedy Shop. He said he met Carl Labove. He said that he introduced him to Sam. He said that they gave him a watch as a gift and he wondered if they were the Manson Family or something. Marc said he would get stage time working there. He said that he worked in a room upstairs and his job was to get people to go up there and see more comedy.
Howard asked Marc about what he did with Sam. Marc said he had passed the first test and got that watch from Carl. He said that he went up to meet Sam for the first time. He said they were doing blow together and Sam told him to look him in the eyes as they were doing this. He said he had to look him in the eyes and he was getting the Sam rift and then they ran out of blow. Sam said this was like 4 in the morning and Sam said they had to get more blow. Marc said they were driving up and down Sunset and Sam was in and out of consciousness. Marc said they drove to this guy's house at 4 in the morning and they went up to the door and the guy opens up his door. They go into this guy's room and Sam falls on the floor. He said that all the guy had was miniature bottles of booze and Sam starts drinking them. He said he looks like a giant drinking the booze. He said Sam passes out and he doesn't know that guy or Sam very well. He was going to leave but the guy said he can't leave Sam there. Marc had to bring Sam back to where he lived.
Howard asked Marc if he saw Sam piss on someone or something. Marc said Sam pissed on his bed. He said he would enter a zone. He said Sam pissed on the bed for a reason though. Marc said back then he was 21 years old and out of his mind on drugs. He said he loved Sam's stuff and he saw the evolution of his homosexual bit about the dead guy in the morgue. He said it was mind blowing. Howard said he was a mind blowing comic. Marc said there was this guy Dave who hung around the comedy Stop who was a Satanist. He said he was a dope fiend and Sam couldn't stand him. Marc said this guy Dave would show up and then Sam would come. Marc said two days before Sam had his guitar and amps at his house. He said they had a big jam session. all of the stuff was in his bedroom. Marc said he had to set that up. He said that this guy Dave stood up and said he was going to tell Anton Lavay about Sam not being a real Satanist. Sam stood up and started pounding on him. He said that he wanted to get Sam out of there so he put Dave in his room and locked him in there. Marc said he had a buddy coming in from Boston so he put Dave in that room. Marc said he went out to get his friend from the airport. Marc said he had his friend, Bill, with him. He said they went back to the house and he was going to show him the house. He said Sam was still there with a couple of other people. The party was still going on. He said the door of his room was kicked in and the equipment was gone. He said he walked in and stood there. He said Sam said ''I pissed on your bed Maron.'' He said that Sam told him that he let his friend Dave sleep with his guitars so he had to piss on his bed. Marc said to his friend Bill ''See, I told you I knew him.''
Marc said he left town not long after that and got cleaned up. He said that was the best thing to ever happen to him. Howard said he had to get away from him to find himself.
Howard gave Marc a plug for his TV show ''Maron'' and for his book ''Attempting Normal'' which is out now.
Howard said he was reading about Marc going to meet Lorne Michaels and eating some candy off his desk. Marc said he was also a little bit high. Marc said he wasn't wasted. He said that Tracy Morgan was waiting to go in when he walked out. Howard asked why he thinks that the candy had something to do with it. Marc said he was talking to Lorne and looking at him in the eyes weird. He said that it was like what Sam used to do with him looking him in the eye. Marc said he took a piece of candy and he thinks that may have had something to do with him not getting the job. Robin asked if there are others who have failed that test. Marc said they should reach out. Marc told Howard that he took that Jolly Rancher and that was it. He said he may have had some other missteps in there too. Marc said he later heard that they may have had him in there trying to get Norm to re-up with them.
Howard asked Marc if he's against these people who use props in their act. Marc said that they're entertainers. Marc said you have to separate them. He said he went to see Carrot Top's show and interviewed him. He said he's not a happy guy. He said he's looked at like this anti-Christ. Marc said he's happy making the money he's making. He said during the show Carrot Top says that there's a real comic in the room and he was talking about him. Howard asked why it matters if you use a prop to make someone laugh. Marc said he doesn't care. Robin asked why there's something wrong with ventriloquists. Marc said there are only like 2 left so why be angry at them?
Howard gave Marc some more plugs and asked Marc if he ever date comics. Marc said his second wife was a model who became a comic. He said that she's doing just fine now.
Howard asked Marc if he ever went on medication to calm himself. Marc said his problem is anxiety and he was on Prozac for a while. He said it was just a short time. He said that was years ago. Marc said he felt like he was locked inside himself. He said the old personality never went away. He said he eats nicotine lozenges now but that's about it. Howard said his book is very intense. Marc said he tries to mix things up in the book. He talks about the divorces and buying pants.
Howard said Marc's podcast is available at WTFPod.com and on iTunes. Howard asked if Adam Carolla's podcast is really number 1. Marc said there are 5 or 6 that move around but Ira Glass is always number 1.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Marc shouldn't be jealous of Jon Stewart because he's funny and Marc isn't. Marc said he's heard that before. Howard said he feels like they're on Twitter now. Howard said this guy called up saying that he's a great comic. The caller said he was thinking he was pretty funny but after the conversation went on he didn't think he was that funny. Howard said the guy is giving you insight into his life. Marc said the guy is trying to spin it that it's a sympathetic gesture to call him an asshole. Marc said that the anger thing isn't what he used to be. Marc said he wants to be a great comic and he has tried really hard to turn things around.
Howard took a call from a friend of Marc's who said that he has come a long way. He said he was once driving Marc and some other comics somewhere and they were all talking about getting on Letterman and they were all very angry. He said he turned to them and asked them if they're supposed to be funny. Marc said he has to hang out with this guy again sometime. Howard wrapped up and gave Marc some more plugs for his TV show, Podcast and book. Marc thanked Howard for that. Howard said somewhere out there is a bitter, jealous comic who is jealous of Marc. Howard went to break a short time later.
- Tommy Ramone - September 17, 2004. 09/17/14. 9:20am
Next up today they played a segment where Howard spoke to Tommy Ramone about Johnny Ramone's death. Here's my rundown from that day:
Tommy Ramone Talks About Johnny Ramone. 09/17/04. 7:25am
After the break Howard got in a plug for tonight's E! show which features a recent Chris Rock interview. He then got Tommy Ramone on the phone to talk about Johnny's death. Howard said that the ironic part was that Johnny was supposed to be on the show instead of Tommy. Tommy told Howard that Johnny did want Howard to be his final interview but he didn't make it that long. Tommy said it was pretty stable for a while but then things just went downhill early this week.
Howard told Tommy that Johnny was a great guy and the thing that sucks for the band is that they never got that much money for the work they did. Tommy said that might be what made the band great. They did the music for the fans, not for the money. They do get some money these days though so things aren't all bad.
Howard asked Tommy about the reason Joey and Johnny didn't talk for 15 years. Tommy said it did have to do with a girl but Johnny and this woman fell in love and things didn't work out for Joey and that woman. Tommy said there were probably a lot of strange things that went on between the two of them. Communication wasn't the best aspect of the band and things didn't work out. Howard told Tommy about Markee and Joey fighting on the show the last time they were on together. Tommy said there really is a sibling rivalry thing going on in the band even though they're not related.
Howard asked Tommy if he believes in a ''Ramones curse'' because of the things that have happened over the past few years. Tommy said it is kind of strange that these guys passed in the past couple of years in the prime of their lives. Howard asked Tommy what kind of cancer he has. Tommy laughed and said that he's making an appointment next week to find out if he's okay.
Tommy told Howard that he got out of the band because he got tired of being cooped up in a van for years. He said he's been working on a Ramones musical that he hopes to bring to the States some day. He's been working on it down in Australia. Howard said it's so sad that all of these guys are gone now. He told Tommy that they made a lot of good music together.
Tommy said that the funeral was yesterday and it was just for close family. They are having a memorial soon though and Tommy will be there. He's not exactly sure where that will be but he'll make it there. Howard wished Tommy the best of luck and gave him a plug for a Ramones movie that's out. You can find out more about that at Ramones.com.
Howard said the thing that really burns his ass is that Johnny was supposed to be on the show today. He was bummed that he didn't make it that far. Howard said the only good thing about Johnny's death, if there is one, is that he was a Bush supporter and now that he's gone, that's one less vote for Bush. That led to Howard talking about how he saw Stephen Baldwin rambling about how he's going to vote for the person who is the most spiritual. The guys talked about how nutty that is.
- Artie Game With Wolfie - January 17, 2007. 09/17/14. 9:35am
Next up they played a segment where Wolfie came in with a game about Artie. Here's my rundown from that day:
Bob Wolf Stops By With Artie Games, Artie Hits 296 Pounds! 01/17/07. 9:30am
Howard said he had this guy Bob there who called in and asked for a tour of the studio. The guy told Howard he called in and played a game with them. Artie remembered the guy and said he calls in all the time. Bob said he goes by ''Wolfie'' and told the guys what he does for a living. He said he works for American Express and tries to show merchants how they deliver more money per ticket than other credit cards.
Gary asked Bob if he's straight because he kind of heard a wispy thing going on with his speech. Howard told Gary that he shouldn't talk about that kind of stuff. He said he doesn't care if this guy is gay or not. He told Gary he always messes up his momentum when he does that stuff. Fred played some Baba Booey song parodies and Howard continued to goof on him about the comment he made. Howard apologized to Bob for Gary's dopey comment.
Bob said he had some more games to play if they wanted to do that. He had one where they try to figure out if Artie is too heavy. Bob said he also has another game where they have to figure out if a movie got a better review than Artie's movie.
Howard said this guy reminds him of Beth's brother and he likes him for some reason. Howard ended up talking about how scared he is of getting married to Beth because he'd have another family. There were days when Howard would say that he would never get married again but now he's thinking about it. Gary remembered Howard telling him he was retarded for even asking him if he wanted to get married. That led to Robin bringing up the kid thing and Howard talking about how he can't have kids again. He doesn't have the energy to have another kid. Robin said she can see Howard carrying his new baby around in a pappose. Howard wanted to get to the Artie games and forget about that crap.
Howard talked about how his friend Pat just had his second kid and the guy is always walking around coughing and worn out. Gary said that Brian Phelan is also one of those guys who is wiped out now that he's got another kid. Robin was goofing on Howard about having a kid but he really didn't want to hear that from her.
Gary told Bob to play the game where they figure out if Artie is too heavy for an occupation or activity. Bob was ready to go but the guys were still talking about Beth maybe getting pregnant some day. Howard said she was going out to do a shoot for Extra TV and was showing her boobs and her great body in the outfit she was wearing.
Howard got back to the game and Bob asked if Artie is too heavy to join the NYPD. Everyone figured he was too heavy. He's got to be around 290 pounds. Howard wanted him to get on the scale but Artie didn't want to get up from his seat. Howard told him to just get up. Artie threatened to talk about his future kids if he doesn't stop pushing him. Howard thinks that he's at 300 pounds but Artie said it's 290 pounds. Gary thinks he's at around 292 pounds. Artie kept saying that he wanted to do the weigh in at the end of the bit. Howard kept asking him to do it but he kept refusing.
Artie finally agreed to go get on the scale. It shot up to 296 pounds! Artie blamed that on the turtleneck shirt he was wearing. He deducted 2 pounds for the shirt. Howard just laughed. Gary said that Artie was down to 283 pounds just recently when they came back from Christmas vacation. Artie said he now knows what it feels like to be 300 pounds so he can tell people that. Sal told Howard that the documented weight of Chris Farley when he died was 296 pounds.
Howard got back to the game and everyone said that there's no way Artie could join the NYPD. Bob said that he could join but he would have to pass an obstacle course. The guys said that Artie might actually be able to do that though because he does have to get through an obstacle course every day. Artie said that obstacle course is made just to get rid of people like him. Fred red some notes about the tests and how he'd have to get up and get over a 6 foot barrier and some other things.
Doug Goodstein came in and asked Artie if he would try to go through that course just to see what happens. Artie said he won't do it... and he can't wait to take any FOX sitcom they offer him. He said that any show that he doesn't have to do an obstacle course, he'll take.
Bob asked if Artie is too heavy to be classified as an Olympic Heavyweight Boxer. Turns out he is. Howard was getting bored with the game and told him to move it along. Bob asked if Artie is too heavy to ride Space Mountain. Turns out Artie is too heavy to ride Space Mountain at Disney. Howard wondered how they would know that. Bob said he e-mailed Disney and asked if a 5'10'' tall person at 287 pounds could weigh and they told him that it would be very hard to get the bar down and that person may not fit.
Howard asked for one more question from Bob. Bob asked if Artie was too heavy to join the Army. Most of the guys said that he would be too heavy. Bob confirmed that he is too heavy to join. He read some stats about that and found that he'd have to weigh no more than 187 pounds and also have to do 97 push-ups. Artie wondered how many he could actually do so Howard told him to go give it a try. Artie went out to the studio floor and tried to do some push-ups.
Howard counted off the push-ups and said he's going to be so sore. Fred played a heart beat sound effect as he was doing it. Artie got up to 22 and quit before he killed himself. Artie said he used to be able to do like 100 of them. He was very winded and said he was very depressed because of that. Artie said if people weren't so uptight about heroin, he'd still be thin. Howard told him to sit down because he was worried about him. Robin said that he can barely get in and out of cars these days.
Howard told Bob that he could stick around during the Steve Langford and Jon Hein updates if he wanted. Bob said that would be cool and stuck around.
- Robin's News - May 21, 2002. 09/17/14. 10:00am
Finally on today's special they played a Robin's News segment from 2002 when Bill Burr sat in. Here's my rundown from that day:
Comedian Bill Burr Sits In For The News. 5/21/02. 9:20am
Comedian Bill Burr (BillBurr.com) came in to hang out during the news. He came in while Howard was still talking about his divorce so he got in on the conversation. The guys talked about relationships and sex for a short time before moving on to the news. Howard ended up talking about his favorite positions (face to face or from the side) and how he uses a condom every single time he has sex. He said that the condoms cut down on the sensation for him and he really needs that. He said if he didn't use one he'd be done in 2 seconds. Howard asked Robin what she's up to with Mr. X also. She said they're having sex a couple times a week. Stuttering John wanted to know how big Mr. X is but Robin would just say ''he's fine.'' Howard said she made some hand gestures that made it look like he's a foot long or something but she said he's really not.
Howard took another break and let Robin do her news while Bill Burr sat in. Bill is appearing at Caroline's comedy club in New York from June 6th to June 9th. Check out BillBurr.com for more info.
- More To Come... 09/17/14.
I'm not going to be able to do a complete rundown of the Unnamed Vacation Special and Live Wrap Up Show today. I may not get to it until Thursday morning. Sorry for the delay.
- Wrap Up Show - Jackie Showing Up Late. 09/17/14. 10:20am
Jon Leiberman was sitting in for Jon Hein again today. Jon started today's live Wrap Up Show going over what they were going to be talking about. Jon said he wanted to start off with Jackie the Joke Man over sleeping and coming in late. Jon said Gary had to try tracking Jackie down with 9 different numbers. Gary said Jackie had a bunch of houses and a bunch of phone lines to call. He said he was hard to find. Gary said Jackie was a little difficult to find. He said Jackie was actually mad at him for that. Jon said he had a clip of that. They played the clip.
Jon said that what he enjoyed about that segment was that it became funny when he showed up late. He said there have been other moments like that too. He said that Richard Christy set up Sal when he overslept the day that Howard announced he was staying at Sirius. Richard said that Sal had been up late the night before at a party drinking. He told the guys about the Ice Luge that he was drinking out of and he was there with him. Richard said they were all smoking cigars and having a great time. He said Sal got a hotel room in the city because he didn't want to be late for work. He said it was right next door to Sirius and he didn't know that. He said he could have stopped there and woken him up. He said that he was sleeping and showing up late right next door to work.
Gary asked Richard about being out late and what his drop dead cut off is. Richard said it was 8 to 11 so they were out until 11 or so. Gary asked how late they were actually out before getting home. Richard said he was in bed by Midnight or so. Gary said he doesn't even believe that. Gary said they say that you can be home by 11:15 but you don't fall asleep right away. Richard said he passed out. Gary said he finds that it takes time to wind down. He said he may not get to bed for another hour.
Jon said that you have to plan ahead when you go out like that. He said Sal did and he still showed up late. He said that he wasn't there at the time so he wonders how they come up with the prank idea. Gary said it happens pretty quickly. Jon said it sounds like he bought it hook, line and sinker. Gary said Sal balled. He said he was upset about the whole thing and worried about what he was going to do. Gary said Sal acted like he hadn't thought about it until that moment.
Jon said Jackie claimed he had a line dedicated to waking him up. He asked Gary if they have anything in place to make sure they can reach an employee if they over sleep. Gary said that they have taken the stance like it's the employee's problem and not theirs. He said that he has made the effort to get to sleep on time so it's not on him to get someone else up. He said that's what he had to do for Stuttering John. Richard said he had JD call him at 3:45 to make sure he was up. He said he never really needed it though so he stopped.
Jon asked Richard how he gets up. Richard said he has like 4 alarm clocks and one of them is a horror movie alarm that has a woman screaming. He said it scares the shit out of him every time he hears it. Richard said he just doesn't go out late with people anymore. He said that's how he makes sure he gets up.
Gary said he dated a woman who thought he hated her because he dropped her off at 8:40 at night. He said that he goes to bed at like 9:15 so that's why he did that. Gary said she was so upset about that. Gary said he used to get up at 5 o'clock. He said he had an alarm clock across the room that he couldn't reach. He said the second alarm clock would go off near him and he'd snooze that a few times. He said that his wife, who was his girlfriend at the time, would tell him to shut it off but he couldn't.
Richard said he has a bunch of alarms that go off that drive his wife nuts. Jon said they're like grade schoolers with that stuff. He said he goes to bed early and he hates that this one restaurant doesn't open until 6 and he hates that because he'd rather be eating at 5.
Gary said there was one time when Howard told a story years ago about how he was with his kids and said ''Alright, time for bed.'' and his daughter started crying. He said Howard said ''No, not for you, it's me.'' They went to break a short time later.
- Wrap Up Show - More Oversleeping Stories. 09/17/14. 10:40am
After the break Jon said Sal was joining them now. He said they're talking about Jackie's lateness and what happened with Sal the time he came in late.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he has been at work for an hour before they start there. He said he has been late so many times that he's put on two different shoes. He said it sucks. Jon asked Gary if he's ever done that. Gary said he lays his clothes out the night before. Gary said you don't want to be sitting in the closet wondering what to wear. He said that Howard will ask you why you're late and there is always a reason. Gary said he used to think Howard was crazy but there is something to that. He said that Benjy isn't chronically late anymore and he isn't sure why that is. He said he thinks there's something you have to deal with. Jon said it might be fear.
Richard said he once forgot to wear a shirt to school. He said he never wore a shirt at home and he showed up to school without one on. He said that they found a vest for him to wear there that day.
Gary said he was late so many times at hight school that he had to have his mom sign notes. He said he ended up signing the notes himself. He said he got in a lot of trouble over that.
Jon said Gary lays out his clothes but what does Sal do. Sal said like Gary he takes out his clothes and moves it to another room. He said he triple checks his alarm clock. He said it's like an OCD thing. He said sometimes he'll jump out of bed in the middle of the night to check on them. He said he was never late to work when he was younger. He said his dad was his boss and he'd drag him into the car to get him there.
Jon asked Sal about that time he was late and why he didn't give anyone the number there. Sal said that the hotel gave him a free night there. He said he called for a wake up call. He said he had a Blackberry at the time and he didn't have a charger. He said his phone was low and died. He said that they screwed up the wake up call too. Gary said Jackie always blamed the wake up call. He said that Jackie was notorious for sleeping through wake up calls. He said one time Fred banged on his door for 20 minutes at a hotel when they were on the road. He said that Jackie can sleep through stuff like that.
Sal said they thought one of their comedian friends had passed away or was abducted. He said that they weren't able to wake him up. It was Mike Bocchetti who used to sleep with a sleep apnea mask. Then he just showed up later on like nothing happened.
Jon asked Sal about the prank they pulled on him. Sal said they've gotten him a few times. Sal said Gary hits hard when he does that stuff. Jon asked Sal what goes through his mind after he does show up late. Sal said that was the last time that happened thankfully. Gary said that was the Friday before they were off for a couple of weeks.
Richard said Sal didn't show up for work one day when he thought they had Columbus Day off. Sal said Gary called him at home asking where he was. He said that day Howard goofed on him was a horrific day. He said he'll never forget that.
Jon asked Sal about the early nights and if that's humiliating. Sal said it is. He said he has to go to bed very early.
- Wrap Up Show - Tommy Ramone. 09/17/14. 10:50am
Jon said he wanted to talk about Tommy Ramone. He played a clip of him talking to Howard about the passing of Johnny Ramone. Jon said that Johnny was booked on the show that day. Gary said that has happened a couple of times. He said they've had people on the calendar and then they pass away. Gary said he's a huge Ramones fan. He said that when Johnny started coming on the show he couldn't believe it. He said Joey was one that he had access to. He said that the band were kind of unusual. He said he doesn't think that they ever thought they were going to be where they were. He said that they did the Channel 9 show and they asked them to do the show. He said Johnny didn't want to goof on President Bush because he was such a republican. He said he was also a huge baseball card collector. He said he would go to conventions with a hat on and buy cards.
Jon said that the Ramones had feuds and they would make headlines with them. Gary said they were so real too. Jon asked what goes through Gary's mind when that's happening. Gary said they were very real. He said that it was like married couples. He said you can't take those punches unless you know those people really well. Richard said bands get very close and they sometimes don't get along when they aren't making music. Gary said a lot of bands start out when they're in high school and they stay together for 30 years. He said it's like a marriage in a lot of ways.
Gary said he was just watching a special about Sam and Dave. He said they didn't talk to each other for the last 20 years of their career. He said they'd show up at the place and not talk to each other. They'd just perform and do their thing but never talked. Jon said they had to take another break after that.
- Wrap Up Show - Howard's Dad And Marc Maron. 09/17/14. 11:00am
After the break Gary said that Tommy and Johnny were not brothers. He said that Jon was saying they were brothers. He said even their last names weren't the same.
Jon thanked Gary for that and moved on to talk about Ben Stern who is actually Howard's father. He played a clip of Howard talking to Ben about his wife Beth and where she was from. Gary said what he liked best about that is that the audience thinks that they know him from the stories they've heard. Gary said Ben is a funny dude and he loves him on the show. Gary said that his favorite story about Ben was when he talked about the way to fold the NY Times. Gary said that's the way Ben is and he likes things a certain way.
Sal said Ben Stern on the show is like George Takei on the show now. He said Howard really knew how to incorporate his family into the show. Sal said a lot of shows do that now. Gary said that what really pissed Howard off was when Imus started calling Howard's mom on his own show.
Sal said you got a feel of how Howard grew up when he called his dad. He said he had a tough dad but also a guy who wanted to goof around. He said it was always a great segment and it made for great radio.
Richard said he got to help make a video and he went to Howard's parent's house to do it. He said he got a tour of Howard's bedroom and it still has posters from when he was on WNBC and stuff. He said they couldn't have been nicer people.
Jon said that Marc Maron just got his show upped for a third season. He played a clip of Marc talking about meeting Sam Kinison at the Comedy Store. Jon said that was an interesting story from Marc. He also talked about the time he took the candy from Lorne Michaels' desk and that's why he thinks they never hired him. Gary said his whole rap about his jealousy of Jon Stewart was refreshingly real. He said it takes balls to talk about stuff like that.
Gary asked Richard if he was ever on tour with a band that broke. Richard said sure. He said he's known the guys in the band Slipknot for over 20 years. He said they used to play in front of 6 people. He said they got huge and he was so happy for them. He said they worked hard to get where they were. Richard said he wished he was up there doing what they were doing too.
Jon said that Brett Larson is there with some Howard 100 News headlines. Brett gave them a rundown of a few headlines for what they had coming up today. Brett also threw it to Jon Leiberman for what was coming up on Leiberman Live today.
Jon also mentioned that the JD Directors Special is coming up on Friday at 5 on Howard 101. He said you don't want to mention that. Richard mentioned how good looking Brett Larson is. He said he's a very handsome guy. Richard said no one is more handsome than Sal though. Jon had the guys get in their plugs. They wrapped up the show around 11:05am.
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