- Vacation Replay Show - Day 2. 05/26/20. 7:00am
Howard is on vacation this week so they're replaying segments from past shows. Here's what they played today:
- Radio Promotion / Boosie Badazz Clips - April 15, 2019. 05/26/20. 7:00am
First on today's vacation replay show they played a segment from last year where Howard talked about his book promotion. Here's my rundown from that day:
Book Promotion Pushed Howard Over The Edge. 04/15/19. 7:00am
Howard started the show doing his Goldust impression. Fred played some Goldust clips and some clips from Fist Fest. Howard said Welcome to Tradio too. Robin asked if that's what he's going to do after this. Howard said he's pretty much done. He said he goes home and he gets all anxious when he has to come back to work. He said he has to get out. He said he's done in 2 years. Robin said he shouldn't have to have an excuse. She said he should just leave when he wants to.
Howard said all he's capable of doing is the radio show. He said with the book promotion he was excited to go out and talk about the book but he's all stressed out about it. He said he got stressed out about the Letterman interview he did. He said he thought he was fine with it but he really wasn't. He said the Radical brothers produced his Netflix show and he wondered what they knew. He said they wanted him to go ride around on a horse. He said he has a job and he can't be going around doing that. He said Dave has time for that and he doesn't. Howard said he has a busy life. He said use your head.
Howard said he's trying to remember his week. He said he did the radio show with Robin last week. He said on Tuesday he did the show. Then Fred started playing some clips from Fist Fest and some Wendy the Slow Adult clips together. Howard said the kids love mash ups like that. He said everything he's done in his career has been eclipsed by that Fist Fest. He said people are still talking about it. He said they can't get over it. Robin said you can't get it out of your mind.
Howard said he was watching that show COPS. He said this guy was screaming in the back of the cop car and it sounded like Fist Fest. Howard played a clip where the guy was screaming as they were putting him in the back of the car. Robin said they didn't scream that much in Fist Fest. Howard said this guy is screaming while being arrested. He played another clip of a guy going crazy while being arrested. Howard said the cops have to be parents to these adult children. The guy screamed like they were torturing him. The guy claimed he was having a heart attack. Howard said he sounds like a human car alarm.
Howard said that's how Benjy would sound if he was being arrested. Fred played some Benjy clips over that. Howard said they should put a fist in his ass to calm him down.
Howard said imagine being a police officer and having to baby sit human trash. He said that's an asshole mashup. He said he loves listening to that. He said this is a guy being put into a car. He played another clip of a guy telling the cop what to do as he was being put in the back of the car. The guy said he was going to kill the cop's wife.
Howard said threatening to kill a guy's wife never works out. He said it's all guys screaming like children. He played more of the guy screaming as he was having his rights read to him. The guy was screaming that he was disabled. Robin said he's kicking the windows of the car and saying he's disabled.
Howard said they don't pay cops enough money. He said you can't pay him enough to deal with these shitheads. He said they used to be able to beat these fuckers over the head before Go Pros were around. Howard played more of the guy yelling at the cop.
Howard said he's out in 2 years. He said he has to get out. He said the book pushed him over the edge. He said his wife knew he was going to be annoyed doing the book promotion. He said the people interviewing him about the book are great though.
Howard said you had to see him doing the interviews. He said he got yelled at by his mother too.
Howard said he put all kinds of pressure on himself. He said this guy came in and did an interview with him for an hour and a half. He said he had to go but the guy said he was going to get more time with him. He said he didn't want to feel he was letting the guy down. He said he stayed longer. He said he had to get to the psychiatrist. He said that he was walking around after this long day. He said he was walking around wondering what he was doing with his life.
Howard said on Thursday he was ambitious. He said he spoke with Rolling Stone and then Hollywood Reporter. He said he did an hour and a half with each. He said he scheduled a break but he really didn't want one. He said he just stayed there at the station to kill time. Robin said he set this up and even he doesn't know what he wants it to be.
Howard said it hit him that he should do one thing a day like his mother said. He said he was burnt out and he should have gone home after the Rolling Stone thing and spoken to the women from Hollywood Reporter the next day. He said it's been 25 years since his last book and he's all tapped out now. He said he used to do a thousand pull ups himself but he can't do that anymore. He said now he has a gut and titties. He said he didn't realize how tiring it would be.
Robin asked who is with him other than himself. Howard said he didn't know this. He said he still thought he was a young man. He said he just wanted to say he wrote a book and he thinks it's his best work. He said he wrote some interesting things about the interviews. He said that's all he wanted to say.
Howard said it's very nerve wracking for him. Robin said he probably thinks about his interviews after he does them and thinks about what he said wrong. Howard said he tells his agent that he didn't know what he just said after an interview. He said the woman from Hollywood Reporter was terrific. He said they all did a good job. He said it was just too long a day.
Howard said he drove out to Long Island after all of that. He said he had to take a piss so he stopped off at his mom's house to use their bathroom on the way. He said they barely leave the house anymore. He said it's really kind of sad. He said they just sit home. He said he asked his mom why they don't go out and enjoy some yogurt. He said they won't go out.
Howard said he's sitting there talking to his mother and father and his father can't hear. He said he used to sit there asking him questions but now he just sits there moaning. He did an impression of his dad. He said it's depressing. He said his dad barely has any energy to hate him anymore. Fred played his dad yelling at him ''Shut up, sit down!'' Howard said that's the guy he knows.
Howard said he called his mom to tell her he was stopping by. He said she was saying she was going to meditate at 2:30. He said he'd be there by 2:20. He said she wasn't happy. He said she has a schedule and she sticks to it. He said he stayed until about 2:40 and he could see them looking at their watch. He said he was leaving and he let out a sigh from having a long day. He said his mother shot him a look. He said Beth is standing with him too. He said his mother told him he was doing too much and she's not sure what for. Howard said he had just put in a long day. He said she asked him what he was doing and how he was doing it to himself. He said she was yelling at the top of her lungs. He said Beth said ''So this explains everything.'' He said she had just seen it.
Howard said as soon as his mother worked him over he called the book people and said he's doing too much. He said he's only doing promotion on Thursday and Fridays and that's it. He said it's one thing a day. He said that's all he can do. He said he wishes he could do 20 things but he's burnt out. He said he has his routine.
Howard said his mother is right. He's run down. He said that his shoulder hurts from trying to hold himself up at the gym. He said he's too embarrassed to tell his therapist all of this. He said he needs a team of psychiatrists. Howard let out a loud belch so Fred played more Fist Fest moaning clips and Wendy the Slow Adult moaning.
Howard said just read the book or don;t. He said he's tired from promotion. He said he's going to do promotion but do it sensibly. He said the book company was saying that Bruce Springsteen only did one or two things. He said that's what he should have done. Robin said he volunteered to do more. Howard said he said he'd go all over the place to do it. He said he was telling them where they were going to go. He said he was telling them to book multiple shows per day.
Howard said he was all full of excitement. He said he's not doing all of those shows. He said he's not doing Gayle King. He said he wanted to do just one of the morning shows on TV. Robin asked about The View. Howard said after his mom got a hold of him it's off. He said Bruce did just two interviews. He asked what that guy is doing. Robin said he could have whittled down things. Howard said he had. He said he had 170 appearances he was going to do. He said that's what he had whittled it down to. He said he was going to call radio stations and stuff. Robin said that sounds like fun. Howard said he was going to do Andy Cohen's show. He said he was going to do Rachel Ray but then he asked himself if he's nuts.
Howard said he did the NY Times, Rolling Stone and Hollywood Reporter. He said he has to do photo shoots with them all too. He said he hates that even more than the interviews. He said he hates the way he looks. He said that he knows the angles he wants to use but these guys think they know best. He said Toni is going to come and hot iron his hair. He said he looks like shit if he doesn't do that. He said he knows he shouldn't complain.
Howard said that's what his weekend was like. He said you know he won't like any of the photos they're going to take. He said he's just giving up. He said he looks like a fucking bus hit him and he needs makeup. He said that Toni is going to bring her's.
Howard did his mother's voice telling him that he looks terrible from doing so much. He said he wants to tell her that she just sat in her house all day and he did 17 interviews. He said that his Aunt Millie wants a copy of the book. He said he hasn't seen her in 47 years. Howard said go buy the book. He said don't be cheap. Robin said she bought books. Howard said people are asking for his autograph too. He said just go buy the book. He said he's going to have to get one for Aunt Millie. He said she is his aunt. Robin said just leave Howard alone and go buy the book.
Howard said there are some people he doesn't want reading the book. He said Millie is nice though. He said there are some friends who are insane. Robin asked if there are friends who are mentioned that won't be happy. Howard said he doesn't think so. He said he does complain in the book but not about them. Robin said she knew this was going to go bad.
Howard took a call from a guy, Brian, who said ''Wah, I have to pick out an outfit.'' Howard asked what this guy wears. He said he's a prison guard so he wars a uniform. Howard said how great you don't have to worry about what to wear. Howard said he should have a uniform there. Brian said that he spends most of his day looking at butt holes so Howard doesn't have it so bad. Howard said he has about 5 really good friends who have worked in prisons and he knows it's the hardest fucking job ever. He said one of his buddies asked if he wanted to go visit the prison and he said yes. He said he got to the prison door and turned around. He said it was actually a jail. He said that is tough work. Brian said that he has seen all kinds of things stuck in butt holes at the prison. He said the women have even more places to hide things. He said they've seen lighters and other things hidden in balloons.
Howard asked Brian if he ever feels like he's locked up too. Brian said that he is in jail for 16 hours a day. He said that he used to work Max and there are people who never get released there. He said now he's in a different place and you try to help these guys. Howard asked if he's ever seen guys sucking dick. Brian said he's never seen it but it does happen.
Howard asked if Brian has ever had to fight with prisoners who are trying to escape. Brian said that he hasn't. He said he has 100 people around his desk all the time and they could take over. He said he used to work for a telecom company and he makes good money doing this. Howard asked why he left that job. Brian said he was laid off accidentally. He said he will do 12 more years at this prison and he'll have a pension of 90,000 a year. He said he's doing okay there. He said that it's not easy though. He said there are all kinds of things going on there. He said there are people smoking all day and it affects them.
Howard said he has another guy on the phone who says he pulled stuff out of people's asses. The caller, Paul, said he had a woman pop a crack pipe out of her ass. He said that's a felony when they do that kind of thing.
Howard did his impression of his mother going off on him about doing too much again. Robin said she wouldn't act this way if he didn't bring it up. Howard said all he did was let out a sigh and she went off on him. He said she told him he's doing too much and what for. He said that she asked what he's doing all of this for. He said he's doing it so he can pay for all of you. Robin asked what he would do if he stayed home all day in her house. Howard said she'd be yelling at him to get out of her house.
Howard said his arm feels like it's going to fall off. He said he was doing those planks and his arm hurts from that. He said Beth told him to stand up straight but he's tired so he slouches.
Howard said the book comes out on May 14th. Robin said she can't wait. Howard said he was thinking that he has to stop talking about what's in the book. He said that no one will want the book. He said he had to tell these people what was in it.
Boosie Badazz Clips. 04/15/19. 7:40am
Howard said he was listening to this rapper Boosie Badazz. He said JD turned him on to this guy. He said he liked that Nipsy Hussle too. He said there's another guy named Hoody Allen. He said that this guy Boosie Badazz was talking about seeing gay sex in prison and it really fucked him up. Howard played a clip and the guy was talking about what he saw in the shower in prison and how he just wanted to go home after seeing that.
Howard said this guy sounds like the guys he went to school with in Roosevelt. He said they didn't use the N-word like this guy though. He said that he talked like that trying to fit in with the other kids. Howard said some of the kids in his school were left back so much that they had facial hair. He said that no one talks like that. Robin asked if anyone understands him. Howard said Eddie Murphy used to do a great impression of James Brown and how he'd talk and no one knew what he was saying. Howard said he'd have James on the show and they didn't know what he was saying. Howard said this guy Boosie once said that cartoons are turning kids gay. He said they played that clip back in 2016. Howard played that clip where the guy was speaking much clearer. Robin asked what happened between then and now. She said he was much clearer back then.
Howard said they did a new interview with Boosie and he was talking about that documentary Leaving Neverland and he thinks the parents sent their kids there to get them fucked. Howard played the clip and Boosie was talking about the documentary and he said maybe the parents though their kids were freaky and sent them off to get fucked.
Howard said Boosie told people to get off his feed if they didn't buy his record. He said he had a lot of followers and didn't sell that many albums so he told them to get off and stop following him. He said he sold 300 albums and he had more than that watching him.
Howard said the guy is right. He said he likes this guy. He said he brings him right back to Roosevelt. He said there you go. He said the guy was all worked up about prison in that one clip. He said they should get his music. He said something tells him if you just ran music under his conversations that would be his music. Howard said he should stay on schedule and take a break. Fred played one of Boosie's songs for him before they went to break. Howard said now he's got it. He said his new album only sold 300 copies. Robin said this is just the start. Howard said enough of this. He said he's got a headache. He said the guy just sold 300 copies. He asked who buys albums anymore anyway. He said you get them free. Howard read a note that said he was just arrested on gun and drug charges. JD said he got bailed out. They played another one of his songs. Fred said it's called ''Wipe Me Down.'' Howard said it sounds the same as the last one. Howard went to break after that.
- Staff Revelations - January 8, 2019. 05/26/20. 7:55am
Next on today's vacation replay show they played a Year in Review Staff Revelations segment from last year. Here's my rundown from that day:
Panel: Year In Review - Staff Revelations. 01/08/19. 9:25am
After the break Howard came right back and said it's time for more Year in Review. They had another theme song to play. Howard said this is going to be the Staff Revelations segment. Howard said in 2018 they had some people reveal some wild sex stuff. He said Ronnie was the worst of the bunch. He said he had a lot of sex revelations. He said he admitted he took a dildo up his asshole and they were all shocked. Howard played a clip of Ronnie talking about getting pegged.
Howard said Ronnie's asshole has seen a lot of things. Howard said there was a knock on the door. It was Ronnie's mom. Howard had her come in and talk to him for a short time. She said she's seen Ronnie's asshole grow into a big gape. Howard said they met her in 2018 too. He said that was one of their highlights. Howard said that She is really worked up today. She said that Howard says shitty things about her boy. She said that the other girl was the same age as Ronnie said it's fine. Howard said he was reading a book about an artist whose whole family was artists. He said Ronnie's whole family was into anal. Ronnie's mom said that his father's name was Eunice. Howard thought it was Euliss. She insisted it was Eunice. Ronnie said she's out of her mind.
Howard asked what kind of stuff She put in Eunice's ass. Ronnie's mom said that she'd stick all kinds of things up there. She said he can take a rotary phone up there. She said he was like a filing cabinet. She said She put her Pat cooper records up there. She said She put Vitamix and a shoe horn up there.
Howard said one of the great moments from last year was when Ronnie's fiancee Stephanie was on the show. Ronnie's mom said that she's so close to her that She feels like She came out of her own cunt.
Howard played a clip of Stephanie telling him about the time She learned that Ronnie had taken a dildo up his ass. She didn't know at the time apparently. Howard said that got her to do things to his ass too. Ronnie said it turned her on.
Ronnie asked his mom why She had a dildo hanging out. She said that's her dildo. She said her husband loved it so much. She said it was something he liked between her and him. She said he'd stick it right between his ''ass chreeks.'' Ronnie asked if she's still getting laid. She said She is and the guy lives across the street. She said they're old friends. Ronnie was asking her questions like it was really his mother.
Howard said in 2018 they also found out that Ronnie got too friendly with Chris Wilding at their Christmas party. Howard played a clip of Ronnie and Chris talking about that night.
Howard asked Ronnie's Mom what's up with that. She said if that kid fucks with her son one more time she's going to have to do something about it. Howard said now he sees where Ronnie gets his affect from. Howard asked if She could tell that he wanted to take stuff up his ass when he was young. Ronnie's mom said She could. She said that he liked his temperature taken anally. She said She would just stick the oral thermometer up his ass.
Howard said Brent has a lot to say about sex too. He said in 2018 they had Brent in there explaining the two fingered cul-de-sac that he uses on women. Howard played a clip of Brent talking about that.
Howard said now he knows where Ronnie gets all of this. He said that Ronnie's mom must have taught him all of that.
Howard said Brent revealed that Brent has a sex contract with his wife. Howard played that clip next where Brent's wife was interviewed by one of the guys and She told them about that.
Howard asked Ronnie's mom what kind of things She did to Mr. Mund. She said She would throw darts into his asshole. She said it was huge like a tree. Howard said She is one of his favorites from 2018. He said that he loves her on the show. He thanked her for her service. Ronnie's mom said a few more things as Howard was wrapping up with her. Howard asked the guys to take her out of there. She was getting wild apparently. Ronnie said her tits are falling out. The guys were all cracking up. Gary said he just saw his mom's tits. Robin said that was a wardrobe malfunction.
Howard said that's the staff revelations that were really great. Gary said they have to talk about Sal. Howard said his job is to focus on phony phone calls but then they talk to him they find out new things. He said last year they found out he jerked off next to men in a buddy booth. Sal said they're still out there. He said you can still jerk off there. He said he doesn't do that anymore.
Gary said he liked when they found out that Sal would get napkins from Sbarro to clean up with. Sal said he did that because they didn't have that stuff in the rooms. Sal said he didn't know that back in the day. He said he would shoot his load on the floor back then. Howard asked if you're stepping in the other guy's jizz. Sal said there was a mop guy there and he would clean up before you'd go in there. Sal said he would use a dollar bill to change the channels in there too.
Howard said Sal once picked up the phone in the booth and it had jizz on it. Howard asked how you go into a place like that. Sal said these were special. He said this booth was a real lady behind the glass. He said when the thing went up he picked up the phone and there was cum all over his ear. He said he turned around and got out of there. Sal said he can still smell that smell from the phone.
Sal said the first time he jerked off he cleaned his cock off with his shirt tail. He said he had it tucked in. Robin asked what job that was. Sal said he was a stockbroker. Howard asked if it stuck to his leg. Sal said it was sticking to him. He said from that point forward he would get napkins. Ronnie asked why he didn't wipe it in the underwear. Sal said he didn't want it sticking to him. He said he'd just put it back in his underwear.
Howard said maybe just jerk off at home instead. Sal said he agrees. Howard said that way you don't get cum on your ear or in your pants. He said he doesn't have to go to a booth. He said he stays home and jerks off like a normal person. Ronnie said he hasn't jerked off in 12 years. Robin said he has said he has Stephanie now. Ronnie said he doesn't need to. Howard said Sal's going to cry hearing that. Sal said he jerks off in the morning and at night. Howard said he doesn't want to hear that.
Gary asked if Sal has ever jerked off in the bathroom at the Long Island Railroad. Sal said no way. He said he jerks off in the morning at home on the weekends.
Howard said Sal's big revelation came when they did the anal lie detector test. He said they found out that he had put things in his ass for pleasure. Howard played a clip where Sal revealed he stuck a toothbrush up his ass once.
Howard said there you go. He said they found out that Sal was lying and the lie detector found out. Howard took a call from Sal's dad who was brushing his teeth. He asked for one second. Howard told him he shouldn't use that toothbrush because Sal might have had it up his asshole. Mr. Governale said he's going to use a Waterpik. Howard said he had that up his ass too. Howard played a clip from the day Sal explained how he used the Waterpik on his ass.
Howard said that's why you never let anyone in your bathroom. He said that's what he'd do in his bathroom. He said imagine Gary found out that Sal did that. Gary said it's disgusting. Howard asked what his uncle did to deserve that. Sal said he told him the story about him pulling him to the side and took a picture out of his wallet and showed him a picture of his sister and fucked up his head. Howard asked if he told him that when he was a kid. Sal said he didn't. He said he may find out now.
Howard said Sal also revealed that he got a lap dance from a transgender. Howard played another clip where Sal told that story.
Howard asked if Sal got his money back from that place. Sal said he did. He said he almost got the lap dance. He said he didn't know what this was. He said it was a transgender room and he had no idea. He said he saw a guy getting banged in the ass and he realized that this wasn't what he thought it was.
Howard said Sal also revealed that jerked off to a transgender person in a porno. Howard played that clip where Sal made that revelation.
Howard said yesterday Sal was talking about how he had a ton of illegitimate siblings. Howard played another clip of Sal telling one of those stories about finding out about his siblings.
Sal said that boy ended up committing suicide when he found out his dad was his dad. Howard had Sal's Dad on the line naming all of his kids. He was going on and on with names.
Howard said he was thinking about Sal's best revelation. He said he revealed he held his grandfather's cock in his hand to help him pee. Howard played the clip where Sal told that story.
Howard said that was traumatic. He asked Sal's dad why he made him do that. He said it's family tradition. Howard said that was his favorite Sal moment. He said that he was also talking about getting the colonoscopy and he was drugged so when he was coming out of it Shuli interviewed him. He said that Sal was talking about Gary's wife being the hottest spouse on the show. He said he'd put her on all fours and tongue fuck her asshole. He said he'd have her shit on a glass coffee table too.
Howard said that if he had a sexual fantasy about Gary's wife it would be putting his penis in her vagina. Howard asked if Sal talked to her at the Christmas party. Sal said you bet he did. Howard let Sal's dad go after that.
Howard said Sal had a lot of revelations. He asked if there are more coming. Sal said that he's thinking about holding his grandfather's penis. He said his father sold him out on that. He said his father made him go over there that day and he must have known what he wanted. He said he was thinking about it and that's how his father fucked him over. Howard asked when he's going to realize what kind of guy he is. Sal said he's a good guy. Sal said you can't keep that hostility bottled up inside you. He said he's learned to let it go.
The guys asked if Sal's dad has apologized for anything he's done. Sal said he did when he got caught with the last to kids he had out of wedlock. He said that he did apologize for that.
Gary said Sal's dad should have told him there was a chance that his grandfather may ask him to hold his penis. Brent said look at how far Sal has gotten. Howard said he's making phony phone calls for a living. Robin said Sal is unhirable. She said he had that mock job interview and he was horrible. Sal asked who the next revelation is. Howard said it's mind blowing. He said that he admitted his father sent his sister to the store to commit grand larceny.
Howard said that's it for today's Year in Review. He said everyone loves it. He played another theme song for the year in review.
- Wack Pack Book Secrets - May 6, 2019. 05/26/20. 8:40am
Next on today's vacation replay show they played a segment where Howard played a Wack Pack book secrets segment. Here's my rundown from that day:
Wack Pack Prank Calls. 05/06/19. 10:10am
After the break they played Beastie Boys' ''Sabotage'' as they were coming back. Howard came back and talked to Robin about Maren and how great that song was. Howard said when he sees a woman like that he gets romantic feelings. He said he thinks it's the hottest thing in the world to be able to write songs like that.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who said Maren was very good and they were good performers. Howard said he's right. He said that song made him misty eyed. Robin said it's about how you drive yourself crazy with your internal chatter. Robin said that's why she said it should be done a cappella.
Jeff told Howard he's on Cameo. Howard said he knows. He said he can't talk to Jeff because he's echoing all the time. He said he knows he's up to something. He said he's either on that broadcast he's doing or something. He said he wants to talk to him but he has to work on his connection. He said he'd pay not to talk to Jeff. Robin said he's so lethargic. Howard said he'd like to hear one of his messages. JD said he heard a couple and they're not that great. Howard asked if he can play him some. JD said he'll have some in a couple of minutes. Howard said dig something up.
Howard said he's sure Fred could do the Jeff message. Fred did his impression of Jeff talking slowly.
Howard said he was going to play this tomorrow but he might as well do it now. He said they called the Wack Packers about his book and they told them all the big secret in the book is about them. He said they told Tan Mom that he took his kids to a tanning salon when they were kids. He played a clip of Shuli talking to Tan Mom about that.
Howard said they called Jeff the Vomit Guy and told him the big secret is that Howard is into vomit. Jeff bought it of course and tried to relate to Howard being into vomit. Jeff told Shuli about how his mom got ill when he was a child and he was attracted to it then. Jeff told Shuli he remembers Howard saying he likes him early on. Howard said he's the creepiest Wack Packer they have.
Howard said they called Bobo that the big secret is that he has a hair system. He said Bobo bought it. Howard played the clip and Bobo said ''No fucking way!'' when he heard Howard wears a hair system. Bobo said that just can't be. He asked how that's possible. He said it's earth shattering. Bobo said that's why he was so taken with him all these years. He said now he gets it. Shuli asked him not to tell anyone this secret.
Shuli came in and said that Bobo gave up the secret. He said it was the same day. Shuli said he reaches out to their confidants and he called Mariann and told her the secret. Shuli said it took Tan Mom 7 days and she told Adam Barta. He said Jeff the Vomit guy has no friends so he didn't tell anyone. He said Bigfoot just forgot.
Howard said Bobo gave up a secret of his own. He played a clip of Bobo talking about how he went into a room to get his hair piece and there was a book open and they had Howard's name in it. Bobo said he looked in it after he was told not to. Howard said he's sure these hair places show idiots like Bobo those pictures. He said that he was told not to look in that secret book but he looked in it.
Shuli said Bobo claimed he had never told anyone about that story but Mariann knew it. Howard had Mariann on the phone and she said her phone was ringing off the hook when Shuli was texting her. she said Bobo has been telling her about this for 10 years. She said she tells him he has to get real. Howard said he was told not to tell anyone and he called Mariann immediately. Robin asked if he's on the line. Howard said he's surprisingly not. He said it's one of those rare times.
Howard said in 2014 Bigfoot claimed the mailman was paying him for sex. He said Shuli called Bigfoot and told him that his big secret is that he was doing the same thing. Howard played the call and Shuli had a hard time telling Bigfoot that Howard had fucked his mail man and that's his big secret. He told Bigfoot not to tell anyone.
Shuli said he works in a glass office and people are walking by hearing him yelling. Robin asked why he can't turn down the music in the background. Howard said they lost the remote for the TV so they don't want to get up and turn it off. Shuli said the TV is on all the time.
Howard said he has a Jeff the Drunk Cameo message. He said he hates this Cameo. Howard said it's $55 for this shit. Howard played Jeff's message for someone named Curt and he had to explain to the guy who he is. Howard said this is so boring. Shuli said someone paid for this one. He said the one where he greets you is just gross.
Howard said Jeff is lighting the world on fire with his Cameo. He had him on the phone again. He played the message where Jeff was going on and on with his boring message. Shuli said that the trolls are going to really fuck with him with this.
Howard said he has another one where Jeff talks to a guy named Chris. He played that one and they goofed on the way Jeff talks. Jeff said he did that one last night. Howard said Jeff gets the same amount as Tawny Kitaen and Kato Kaelin. He said they'll jump out a window when they find that out. Jeff said he didn't look into it before he signed up. Howard asked how many he's done so far. Jeff said he's only done six.
Howard said he would never pay for anything like this. He played more of Jeff's message.
Howard took a call from Ralph who asked why he has to drag Howard's name into this. He asked if he can leave that out. Jeff told him to leave him alone. Ralph said he's just some mental patient who calls into the show. Jeff said he was asked to say that stuff. He said fuck you Ralph. Ralph asked why he would make a message for someone who has no idea who he is. Jeff told him to fuck off.
Howard said he's not on the Howard Stern Show. He said Ralph is right. Ralph said he's running around saying he's from the Howard Stern show. Jeff said he makes a valid point in that message if you play more of it.
Howard played another message that Jeff made for Tim and Robin. In that one Jeff was telling Robin he'll pull out the big guns for her if Tim can't do it. He does that clicking sound for them too. Howard asked what that is. He said people used to have a horse and buggy and they'd make that sound for the horse. He said he sees guys doing that on the street when they see hot women. Howard asked Jeff if that's why he does that. Jeff said no. Howard said that's his signal that she should fuck him. Ralph said Jeff is just a mess. Howard asked why he does that noise. Jeff said he knew a guy who did that and that guy was someone he worked with. He said that was Jerry. He said big shout out to Jerry.
Howard said he guarantees Jeff does that sound to women. Jeff said once when he got his license he drove down to get gas and he saw a real hot chick and he pulled up to a girl and slammed the door right on his bad arm. Howard said he can't feel pain there. Jeff said it hurt like hell. Howard said he didn't know he could feel in that arm. Jeff said he felt that. He said he has pain there. Howard said this is fascinating but he has to go.
Howard said Medicated Pete gets $75 for his messages. Jeff said so does High Pitch Erik. Ralph asked if he tried to get that much and didn't. Jeff said he didn't. Howard asked if he thinks he's bigger than those two. Jeff said he thinks he's bigger physically. Howard asked if he really thinks he's bigger on the show. Jeff said come on. Howard said Medicated Pete is good every time he's on the show. Jeff laughed. Howard said it must be true because he's only getting $55. Jeff said he could change it right fucking now. Howard said they're going to price him right out of business. Jeff upped the amount. Howard let Ralph go and said he'll see him later.
Howard asked if Jeff changed it. Jeff kept saying he changed the price. Howard asked when he'll see the changes. Jeff said it's up there now.
JD said someone has complained about the message he got from Jeff. It turns out Jeff got some names wrong. Jeff said he got some mixed up. Howard said he should be a professional. Howard said he only did 6 of them so he's confused. Howard said he has nothing else to do all day but get that name right. Jeff said he got that one in one take. Howard played him off with a song parody about being a free loader. He let Jeff go and did a live commercial read.
- Usher - August 22, 2016. 05/26/20. 9:10am
Next on today's vacation replay show they played an Usher interview from 2016. Here's my rundown from that day:
Usher Visits. 08/22/16. 8:55am
After the break they played a Yucko the Clown at San Diego Comic-Con interview clip, a Baba Booey song parody, a ''Fabulous Life of Jeff the Drunk Curro'' commercial parody and David Bowie's ''Heroes.''
Howard came back and said Usher is there and he's in the new movie ''Hands of Stone'' and plays Sugar Ray Leonard. Howard said look at him. Howard said Usher does the fist bump thing. Usher said he got used to that playing Sugar Ray. Howard said he has some abs on him. Howard said he has had to stare at a poster of him since his daughter was like 6 or 7. Howard said she had that in her bedroom like her make believe boyfriend. Howard said he stared at that forever. He said he really does have great abs. Howard said they have to talk about his life. Howard said he has an interesting life.
Usher said he has to thank Marky Mark for taking his shirt off because that's how he got into it. He said he had to perform to show that he had something other than that. Howard said he was told not to wear short sleeves because his arms didn't look good on TV.
Howard said he has to talk to Usher about his life. Howard said he's an 8 time Grammy winner. He had 8 number 1 singles. Howard said that's not easy. Howard said when you think about his early career everyone knew he could sing. Usher said his mom was the leader of the choir in church. Howard asked if he had to do that for his mom. Usher said he had to do it for the lord. He said that was his way to get connected to what he loved. He said he tried football and baseball and all of that. He said when he started singing with his mom in the choir he'd ask her to do things and she'd ask him to sing with her. He said he eventually did that. He said his mom said she wasn't going to take it easy on him. He said he got kicked out of the choir the first week. He said he tried everything.
Howard asked if he had a drive to be famous and well known. Usher said he thinks he was like many young boys who were just looking for something he could be great at. He said his parents were great athletes. He said his dad played basketball and his mom played too. He said his uncle was a football player. He said he tried everything. Usher said he tried playing full back and that wasn't his thing. He said you know it the first day when you get creamed. He said he woke up wondering what he was thinking. Howard said singing is a cool thing now but back then... Usher said he wasn't great when he first started. He said it was something he worked at. Then he lost his voice completely.
Howard said L.A. Reid discovered him. Usher said actually AJ Alexander discovered him. He said in Atlanta there was a talent show he entered. He said he won twice and he was invited back as a guest. He said he was introduced by Brian Reid who was L.A. Reid's brother.
Howard said he was just 13 years old when he got noticed. Howard said his mom quit her job and started to manage him. Usher said it didn't happen that quick. He said they moved after his mother got remarried. He said his mom and dad split very early. He said his dad wasn't around. He said he had a step dad. He said he moved them to Atlanta and that's when things took off. He said he started his career there. Howard said his mom managed him and it must have been nice to have her doing that. Usher said he lived with Sean Puffy Combs for a year. Howard said they did that to give him some street cred. He was only 13 while he was living there. Howard said it must have been a pussy palace there.
Howard said he was on Star Search and he won for like 4 months. Usher said he was on only once. He asked why Howard didn't come to Ron Pearlman's house. Howard said that was too late for him. He said he doesn't go out. He said he heard it was pretty great. Usher said they had a lot of fun. He said the entire party blacked out. He said they had the Roots there and the entire party went black. He said they lost the power. He said they called him up on stage to do some stuff. Usher said he was staying there in a cottage on the property and he realized he was going to have to perform. He said Ron is a great friend so he doesn't mind.
Howard asked what time the party took off. Usher said it really took off around 12. Howard said he'd be sick if he went to that. Howard said he can't do stuff like that.
Howard asked how many songs he did. usher said he did one but it was a mash up that he did with The Roots. He said they were all singing at the party. Howard asked if he gets nervous doing that kind of thing. Usher said it was a big charity event and it helps young men and women like himself. He said the Apollo came up with this thing and they have this party every year at Ron Pearlman's house. He said he's one of the biggest supporters of the arts.
Howard asked if it ruins the night for him to do stuff like that. Usher said you feel compelled to do well. He said you see Sierra, Blake Shelton, Pharrell and others performing you want to do well. Howard asked if he feels compelled because he wants to be in the spotlight too. Usher said no. He said you're just excited about music and they're playing so well. He said he was totally inspired.
Howard said he must be on a high with the movie coming out. He asked if Sugar Ray saw the movie. Usher said Joe Walsh is at the party and killed it. Howard said he didn't know that Joe was going to be there. Howard asked if anyone messed up. Usher said no one did other than the power shutting off. He said The Roots were playing and they had a black out.
Howard asked Usher about being a young kid at 13 and L.A. Reid finds him. Howard asked if all the girls wanted him in school. Usher said he was still in school and he thinks he was confident. He said there weren't a lot of things to be exposed to in Chattanooga, Tennessee. He said he had great moltivators and teachers. He said you have to have that confidence to believe in yourself. He said you find the motivation and do it. Howard asked if he was always a great dancer too. Usher said no. He said today you can learn things online. He said he would mock everything he saw on television. He said at 13 he could remember anything he saw on TV. He said he could just do what he saw on TV and he'd try to do what he saw on TV.
Howard asked what he did for L.A. Reid to audition. Usher said L.A. brought in a bunch of girls to perform with him and he wanted to see if he'd get nervous. He said he did just fine. He said that the rest is history. Howard said then he went to Puffy's house. He said it must have been crazy there. Usher said there were very curious things taking place and he may not have understood it. He said he was focused on his career though. He said he thinks Puff was a idea of what it could be like. He said he realized it wasn't about him. He said that lifestyle was Puffy's and he just watched. He said Biggie Smalls, Lil Kim and others were hanging around there too. He said he was just having a good time. He said he didn't realize just how incredible it was to be around those people. Howard asked if he was the youngest kid there. Usher said he was. He said he was like 15 years old. Howard said it must be intimidating to see all of that going on. Usher said they weren't his chicks. He said he realized that could be his lifestyle some day.
Howard asked Usher if he was like a father to him. Usher said he let him be a young man. He said he had a tutor who helped him out with school work. Howard said Puffy was showing him how the life worked but did he have to do dishes or anything. Usher said he was staying up late at night and staying up later than them. He said he had a per diem going too so he had some income. Howard asked if he was bitter about that after his first album didn't hit. Usher said it gave him a leg up and he was two steps ahead. He said that most young artists are kids when they come out but he was singing about sex in his first album and he hadn't even had sex yet. Usher said he doesn't think it was a bad idea but the agenda was a little different. He said Puff had his ideas. He said Jay Z thought that first album was his best album. He said he thought that was dope that he was a fan from the start.
Howard said Puffy passed on the second album and he must look back and kick himself. Usher said he was always a family member to him. He said he's still a big brother to him. He said he spent time with him and his kids out in Malibu. He said he'll always look at him like a brother. Usher said it wasn't Puffy who said he didn't want to be a part of it. He said it was a deliberate idea to go with Jermaine Dupree.
Howard asked if he would ever send his son off to be with someone like Puffy. Usher said no way. He said that he was in Malibu and his kids were terrorizing everyone there. He said it was great.
Howard said his voice was changing at the time he was at Puffy's. He asked if that scared him. Usher said it did. He said if you don't have the talent people just disappear. He said at 14 you don't understand it. He said it's a harsh reality. Howard said that Puffy kind of did that. Usher said he accepted him even though his voice was changing. He said he had acne and all of that and he still stuck by him. Howard said Puffy must have told him he has to look good. Usher said they told him to take that Acutane shit off because they didn't want him looking plastic. He said they wanted him to fit in with an older audience too. Usher said think about how many kids who are stuck in that place where they can't get out of it. He said he had a career from an early age. He said he didn't have the piercings and stuff that early. He said he did get into some of that later on though.
Howard said when his father abandoned him he must have had a tough time. Usher said he eventually came back into his life. He said he came back and one of the greatest periods in his life was getting to know his father for the first time. He said he has his dad's name of Usher. He said he had to tell him that he can't tell him what to do because he was 20 or 21 at the time. He said he understood that. He said he thinks he wanted to make amends with him and that's why he eventually came back into his life. Howard said he was famous so he must have had it in the back of his mind that's why he was there. Usher said he doesn't think that was it. He said he thinks his dad wanted to get to know his son. He said he had fallen ill and he needed a liver. He said he put his dad in a house and he gave him some money to help. He said he wanted to know his dad. He said he was an incredible person. He said he was very funny and had a great personality. He said he took a turn for the worse though. He said back in those days it was drugs and drug abuse that black men were falling into. Howard asked if his mom was upset that he had a relationship with him. Usher said his mother may not have even known about that. He said she may not even know about it now. Howard said she just found out.
Usher said you need someone to lift you up and see the best in you when you only see the worst in yourself. He said he battled with the whole thing when it was going on. He said he talked to Nelly about it and he wondered why he wasn't going to help the guy to keep him around so he could get to know him. He said it was a very hard thing to do. He said Nelly told him to just do it so he wouldn't have to live with the guilt. Usher said Nelly was the one who pushed. He said he felt like he did the right thing. He said he has no doubt about it. Robin said it all depends on how he feels about it now. Usher said he feels it was the right thing. He said as a kid he may have had it easier not having his dad around. He said his absence became a motivation for him. Howard said that's a very evolved thing. He wondered if that's a religious thing. Usher said he thinks it's a human thing. He said we have to forgive each other for our mistakes. Usher said he has flaws and we're all going to mess up. He said we don't have the right to judge each other.
Howard asked Usher about selling 7 million albums with his second release. Howard said that has to feel great. Then he goes on tour and it's really happening. Howard said he gets so popular that they had to use decoys. Usher said it was a big moment. Robin asked how old he was at the time. Usher said he was 17. Howard said it's amazing he came through that. Usher said he wasn't having orgies like Howard thinks. He said he might have been getting laid.
Howard asked if he has a tattoo of the first woman he had sex with. Usher said he does not. Howard asked how things got for him then. Usher said it was all about entertainment for him. Howard played one of his hit songs ''You Make Me Wanna.'' Howard said this was a departure from what Puffy wanted him to do. Usher said that might have been his own way. Howard said that song was about a threesome. Howard asked if he had two women. Usher laughed and said that's not what the song is about. Howard asked what it's about if it's not about that. Usher said it was about a relationship with one girl who hooks you up with another girl but you want to be with the first girl. He said it's really not about a threesome.
Usher said he'd write songs based on things he'd hear about. Howard asked if the orgy thing is too much for him. Usher said you tell me. Howard said he sits home and doesn't even go to parties.
Howard said the second single goes to number one. Howard played that song and Usher said he thinks he was ready to be there after doing what he did with Puffy. Howard said he had a third hit with ''My Way'' from that album. Howard played some of that too.
Howard said he had a bunch of hit albums after that. Howard said having his mom as a manager must be kind of incestuous. Usher said that they do say not to have your family involved with your business. He said that he would say that you should read every bit of literature about it before doing it. He said you can read about anything you want to know about online. Usher said you have to watch your own money. He said you have to make it a point to understand your business at a young age. He said you should sign your own checks. He said you have to inquire about your own stuff. Robin said that's a lot of stuff for a kid to handle. Usher said you have to do it. He said you have to know where your money is.
Usher said his mother wanted him to have a long career. He said he had an excessive lifestyle and his mom was more reserved. He said the thing to do is to go through all of your finances and know what's happening. He said it's your business and you have to know what's going on. He said with whatever you're doing you have to know what's going on. He said it adds and honesty to the relationship that has to start from the beginning.
Howard asked if his mom would tell him not to buy some things. Usher said she would tell him to be mindful of other things like taking care of the house and owning the house. He said he had money tucked away before he had kids. He said he had a lot of entourage people around and things like that. He said he didn't have a house until he was 22 or 23. He said he spent a lot of time on the road before that.
Howard said the second album comes out and sells 4.7 million copies. He won a Grammy for that album. Usher said he didn't care about the Grammy so much at the time. He said it is an honor to have it but the fans were what he wanted. He said he sold 7 million albums with the first one. He said if you're doing it for the fame that shit will come and go so you're fooling yourself.
Howard said Usher does a great job in this movie and he has done TV and things like that. Howard said he saw the movie and he loved it. Howard said it's the story about Roberto Duran and it's really good. Howard asked if Usher saw it. Usher said he did. He said he didn't feel comfortable with what he had done until Sugar Ray told him what he did a good job. He said he reached out to him before he took the role. He said his wife is the reason that he was able to play the part. He said a few people thought he'd be great for the role and they reached out to him. He said he talked to Sugar Ray about it and he told him he read his book. He said they trained together and they talked about the character.
Howard said Sugar Ray is a really great guy. He said the guy was pretty classy through the whole thing with Duran. Usher said he was poised. He said most Olympic athletes have to carry a certain procession and he never dealt with anyone who was so aggressive. He said that Duran got into his head. He said he beat Ray in the first fight but then in the second fight Ray won.
Howard asked if Usher studied with Ray when he was preparing for the movie. Usher said Sugar Ray had a sweet style. He said he was so smooth. He said he worked the ring and made it look easy. He said the work out was intense. He said he was working out 3 times a day. He sparred with amateurs and all of that. He said you can play golf, basketball or baseball but you can't play boxing. He said you have to do it. He said someone is trying to hurt you. He said you can cause life altering damage with fists. Howard asked if he had to take a lot of punches from it. Usher said he did. He said he thinks he became a good boxer. Howard asked if he's ever been knocked out. Usher said he hasn't. Howard asked how he's done in street fights. Usher said he managed to get himself out of it.
Howard asked Usher about the clips he's seen with him dancing with James Brown and Michael Jackson. Howard said he's doing all of James' moves in front of the guy. He said it was sad to see it because James wasn't able to do them anymore. Usher said he has an energy that you have to experience with him in the room. Howard said he was one of the greatest artists of all time. Howard said Mick Jagger said he would go see him all the time. Usher said he broke down crying when he gave him the name the Godson of Rock and Roll.
Howard said he talked to James about his wife and how he paid for her to get a bigger ass. Howard said that was such a great guy.
Howard asked if he hung out with Michael Jackson or James Brown. Usher said he hung out with James but not a lot with Michael. He said he and Michael did dance together. He said there was a person between him and Michael. He said he wasn't able to look him in his face. He said it's a lot to be Michael Jackson. He said when he got to that stage he was like the greatest performer ever.
Howard asked how the other person was blocking his view. Usher said they were preparing for the show and doing choreography. He said he was trying to talk to the guy and the other guy would lean back and forward as he would lean.
Howard asked if the greatest thing about being famous is meeting your idols. Howard said he is in the movie ''Hands of Stone'' with Robert De Niro. Howard said that movie is incredible. Howard said De Niro plays the part of the trainer for Duran. Howard said De Niro has done some comedies but this is De Niro gold. Usher said it really is classic.
Howard asked if he got to hang with De Niro. Usher said he got to talk to him but he didn't have any scenes with him. He said he was there for every scene he cut though. He said he saw it all going down.
Howard said he read that he celebrated his birthday with him yesterday. Usher said he did. He went to his birthday party. Howard asked if that's surreal to him. Usher said he's still a fan of these people and he's honest about it. He said it doesn't matter who he's with. He said he's still an ultimate fan. Howard asked what he talks to them about. Usher said he's a fan of Howard's too. He said he just wants to hang. He said he wanted him at the party the other night. Howard said he had to go to bed.
Howard said De Niro must be hard to talk to. Usher said that's never been the case with him. He said it's always been great. He said he's always given him sound advice when he asked. Howard asked if anyone has been intimidating to him. Usher said Chazz Palminteri made him nervous but he's not sure why.
Howard asked about his mom not managing him anymore. Usher said she's going to be a part of every decision he makes. He said she was there to support him but also be there for the growth. He said he would not have been in this movie if it were not for Grace. He said she saw something different and she pushed him. He said that they had funding issues with the movie and he had to cancel a tour and an album release. He said he went to The Voice to help him out doing this movie. Howard said he really did a good job in it.
Usher said that his mom isn't managing him now but they're still close. He said they haven't been in a bad spot. He said his wife is there doing that job now. Howard said that must be tough for his mom. Usher said that she just wants him to be happy.
Howard asked Usher about Justin Bieber and how he met him the first time. Howard said Justin came up to him and wanted to sing for him and he said no. Usher said that is what happened. He said he remembers seeing Dallas Austin for the first time. He said it was Keith Sweat and Dallas and he asked to sing in a parking lot. He said then he had heard about Justin and he wanted to sing in a parking lot but he wanted to do it in a professional setting. Howard said then he looked him up online and he came to audition. Usher said he and his friend didn't see eye to eye when it came to that. He said that he didn't want things to be bad. Usher said he felt like this could be an amazing moment for the kid's career. He said he thought he could do a lot musically. He said he wanted to manage the kid. He said Justin was working with another artist at the time. He said they got through it and look at the success he's had. Howard said he's given him a lot of confidence.
Howard asked if he was surprised at the size of Justin's penis. Usher said he's managing that aspect of his life. He said he has nothing to do with that. Howard said he believed in the kid and he's helped him out in a big way. Howard asked if he has thanked him for that. Usher said he hasn't but he thinks that the relationship has been a fruitful one. Howard asked if he's ever advised him on anything. Usher said he has given his opinion and he feels like he's a child to him. He said that no one is perfect. He said that we all have our moments. He said he has had stern talks with him. Howard asked if he spanked him. Usher laughed and said no he hasn't. He said he's wanted to at times though. Howard said he hopes that Usher's penis is longer than Justin's is. He said that would be a shame if it's not.
Howard said it must be tough to do The Voice. Usher said Simon from American Idol invited him to be a mentor on Idol. He said that he thought about it and he thought that it wasn't a hard sell to do the show. He said he knew what he'd offer wouldn't jeopardize what he had built. He said he had his doubts but it ended up being one of the most incredible things ever. He said it introduced him to a new audience too. He said they won an Emmy for that too. He said he had something to do with that. Usher said he'd consider doing something like that again.
Howard asked if he hopes he wins an Oscar for the Sugar Ray Leonard thing. Usher said he doesn't want to say. He said he's worked on other movies and he has worked on TV too. He said he has done a lot of stuff. Howard said he's still a young man too. He said he's like 37 or something. Usher said he's still 22.
Howard said Usher is in the new movie ''Hands of Stone'' which opens on Friday. Howard asked how he handles the women that throw themselves at him. Usher said he's happily married. He said that we are all human and we have flaws. He said his most recent album is called Flawed. He said he's been through enough to have scars. He said he has perspective on all of that now. He said he has a great partner now and he wouldn't want to screw that up. Usher said when you've managed to see the world through the lens he has you value it. Robin said Howard told her she has permission to try to break that up. Howard said he also opens part of the Cleveland Cavaliers. Usher said that's been 11 years now. He said he's very happy to have been a part of that amazing organization. Howard said he's having a great life. Usher said it's all been great. Howard said soon he'll be Mr. Robin Quivers.
Howard gave Usher another plug for the movie and talked a little bit more about what it's about. Howard said it opens on Friday. Usher said the premiere is tonight. Howard said he can't go because he has to work. He said he can't stay up late. Usher said he can stay up late. Howard said he can't do that. He said he'll be there with him in spirit. Usher said it's always been a pleasure. He said that they are true icons. He said he enjoys what they do. He said it's the idea of honesty and he appreciates it. He said he loves both Howard and Robin. Howard and Robin thanked him and went to break a short time later.
- The News With Robin - September 10, 2019. 05/26/20. 10:35am
Next on today's vacation replay show they played a segment where Howard talked to Sal about his vaping. Here's my rundown from that day:
Robin's News. 09/10/19. 10:25am
After the break Howard came right back and said it's time for news. They played Robin into it with a song parody to the tune of David Lee Roth's cover of Just a Gigolo. Howard said that was sent in by Billy Mira who they haven't heard from in a while. He gave him some plugs.
Robin started off with a story about Alex Trebek who is doing well after his cancer treatments. Robin said he looked chipper and happy to be there on Jeopardy. Robin had some audio from the first episode of the 36th season. Robin said he's 79 years old. Howard asked if his prayers for Alex helped. Robin said maybe it worked. Howard said he's kicking cancer's ass.
Robin read a story about the helicopter company that said they were going to give tours to dogs in their open door helicopters has backed off and ended the practice. Howard said it was an all time bad idea. He said he's glad they're stopping that. Robin said they announced it yesterday and said they never endangered an animal. Howard asked about the Jet Skis for cats idea he and Robin had. He said that was such a bad idea to hang their dog out of a helicopter.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that it seems odd that Howard won't watch a 50 year old stripper movie but he wants to see a 70 year old Rambo movie. Howard said Sylvester Stallone puts out good movies. Robin didn't agree. Howard said he just doesn't buy J-Lo as an actress. He said he's not a fan. He said he loves Stallone movies. Robin said they're not great movies. Howard said he just doesn't remember J-Lo in any memorable role. He said she looks great for 50 but movies about strippers have to have some reality in them. He got frustrated with the argument and said she can put her money in that if she wants. He said they're comparing Rambo to a stripper movie. He said this isn't about their looks. He said she can play a female Rambo and he'll watch. Howard said he also wants to correct Robin. She said he didn't write Rambo First Blood. Howard said he actually did co-write it. Fred played a ''It's over Johnny'' clip from Rambo. He played the extended version of it. Howard said he loves Rambo. Robin said she does too but he's too old for it. Howard said she can't comment on it if she hasn't even seen it. Howard said he saw the trailer for this movie and it looks like the greatest thing ever. Robin said a great movie was Gran Torino. Howard said that was great too. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin got back to the Rambo First Blood thing and said there are 4 writers credited with that movie. Gary asked her to give him a break because he's trying to get him on the show. Robin said she loves his movies and she's seen every one. Howard said he has killed 445 people as of the last Rambo film.
Robin read a story about how New York is the most expensive place to retire to. Robin said New Jersey and Connecticut were close by. Robin said the cheapest to retire to is Missouri. Howard said why not go there and live cheaply there. Howard said the only bad part of that is that it's Missouri. He said it sounds awfully close to misery. Howard said he's been around the country and it's really all the same. He said he lived in Hartford and he loved it. He said he loved Washington DC too. He said he loved Boston and Detroit too. He said things were so much easier in those places. He said he took his mother to Chinese and she said it's not like the big apple. Howard said he took her to the best restaurant in Detroit and she didn't think it was good. He said you had to hear her. He said in Washington he got buckets of fried chicken and spaghetti. He said he was up around 250 pounds at that time. He said he loved that stuff. He said it was like an orgy. He said he was so happy. He said he misses being fat so much. Howard said Robin used to goof on him about how fat he was. Robin said she heard a noise when he walked. It was his thighs rubbing together. Howard said he had bigger breasts than Robin at one point.
Howard said he gave his box of old bras to Robin. He said he's thin now. He said he was scraping off the cheese from his shrimp parm and throwing away half the spaghetti. He said things are going well. Robin asked how much water he's drinking. Howard said he has to pee every half hour. He said he wakes up 2-3 times a night because he drinks so much. He said he used to eat a bucket full of spaghetti. He said now it's a thimble full. He said they say you should think of it as a side. He said think about that.
Robin asked if he scrapes everything off his shrimp. Howard said he keeps some of the breading on. He said he has to have somewhat of a life. Howard said he's been eating fake burgers lately. He said he puts on all of the sides. He said it tastes like a real burger. He said it's just as good. Robin said she's not sure if she can trust him. Howard said he has to tell her off their what he's eating. He said he doesn't want a rush on his burger. He said they make fries. Real fries. He said they have a salad too.
Robin read a story about how Wendy's stopped serving breakfast for a while but they're bringing it back. Robin said they're hiring 20,000 people so they can bring it back nationwide. Robin said they have some new products for that. Howard said people are going to be so fat. He said now they're going to be even fatter. Fred played some Wendy the Slow Adult puking drops.
Robin read a story about The View being off the air for a while. Robin said they're back to work and Pam Anderson was on last week. She said she's a friend of Julian Assange and she was talking about him on the show. Robin said Meghan McCain didn't like that. Robin had some audio of Pam and Meghan arguing. Howard said he hopes Pam was wearing a bathing suit at least. Robin said you have to love that show. Howard said yeah, good for them.
Robin read a story about Felicity Huffman possibly getting a month in jail. Robin said Meghan McCain was saying that doesn't seem like enough. Robin said Felicity is trying to get less time because she thinks it's a victimless crime. Howard asked if she thinks she'll get a month. Robin said she thinks she will get a month in prison. Fred said no. Howard agreed with Fred. He said the jails are so filled up that very few people do jail time. He said she did a very bad thing though. He said anyone playing by the rules got fucked. He asked who these people are who care so much about where their kids go to school. He said he was happy wherever his kids got into on their own. He said he doesn't get what they're teaching their kids by doing that. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said he's going out to California next month to do the show. He said the company wants him to inaugurate their new studios out there. He said he's not happy to do it but he'll do it. He said he likes the guys who run the company so he's doing it. He said the book company wants him to promote for Christmas. He said the book did amazingly well and the publisher wants him to go out and tell people to get it for Christmas. He said he's going on Bill Maher's show. He said he thinks it's booked already. He said he's going to offer himself to the Ellen Degeneres Show. He said he's never done that one. He said if Jimmy is a real friend he'll tell him he doesn't have to do it. He said he may already be booked for all he knows. He said he will do those three shows and do his pitch. He said he'll remind people that it is a good gift.
Robin asked if he'll go see Conan. Howard told her to shush. He said he was the best interview but he did his Podcast. Robin said David Spade has a new show too. Howard asked what's going on with her. He said she has to stop it.
Howard said he told Bill he wants to be first on and then he's done. He said if he does Ellen's show he will dance but he doesn't want to be scared. He said if she scares him he doesn't want to have a heart attack. He said he'll punch someone in the head if they scare him. He said he'll go on the show and talk but he doesn't want to play games. He said he told Fallon that too. He said he just wants to go on and talk. Robin asked if he's not doing the Corden show. Howard said he's doing three shows and that's it. He told her to stop with that. He said he told Jimmy no fucking parties for him either. He said he doesn't want a party. He said he wants to be sequestered for a week. He said he's going to a hotel for a week and that's it. He said leave him alone and leave him be. He said he's glad the book did well and he will do some promotion for it and that's it.
Robin asked what time they are broadcasting. Howard said he's going to figure that out today. Robin said she wants to know when they're going to be on. Howard said he doesn't know yet. He said he was getting all worked up. He said he asked Jimmy if his shows get bigger ratings when he goes to New York and he said yes. He said he didn't think so.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said the fans are trilled that he's going out there to California. She said that they can get tickets to see him on the shows he's going on. Howard said he has to hang up on her. He asked Robin what else is in the news.
Robin asked if he wonders what's going on with Harvey Weinstein. Howard said he actually does. Robin said they have issued a statement about Gwyneth Paltrow. Robin said Harvey says he didn't do anything to her. Robin said they claim that she didn't need help to get work so he didn't do anything to her because she was royalty. He also wonders why she continued to work with him if he was such a bad guy.
Howard had Harvey Weinstein drops on the phone. He spent a short time talking to the fake Harvey clips. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about the guy who was charged with groping a 14 year old girl while dressed as Elmo. She said they talked about that yesterday and today they say that about 24 people per hour have reported some kind of unwanted touching by the mascots in the Times Square area. Robin asked who these people are going up to these people to get pictures. Howard said it's very important to get a photo with them. Howard wondered if Elmo is on Brent or Rapaport's side.
Robin read a story about Britney Spears who has to find a new psychiatrist after her's died suddenly. Robin said she has to find a new conservator after her father had a run in with one of their kids. Robin said this new conservator has a lot of power and he can keep people away from Britney with any means necessary. Howard said you never get tired of hearing about her life. Robin said the whole thing is odd.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's 50 years old and he's been with a number of women over the course of his life. He said this girl in high school was gorgeous from the legs up but she had big, ugly man feet. He asked if Beth would have been different if she had ugly man feet. Howard said any guy who is that concerned with feet has a problem. He said if you're into feet you're a fucking idiot. He said he never looked at feet. He said any time a woman wants to have sex it's great. He said he'd fuck a girl with hooves, who cares. Howard asked Fred if he cares about feet. Fred said she could have stumps there. He doesn't care. Howard said it's a nice bonus if they have nice feet but get over it.
Robin read a story about the vaping thing and how some people are getting ill from it. Howard said they invented something to replace cigarettes. He said they invented the e-cigarettes and they're being lied to again. He said you're breathing in chemicals into your lungs. He said Sal vapes and he's killing himself. He said he's got that Juul thing and it's plugged in all the time. He said it has the chemicals in there. He said Sal claims he's going to cut down.
Robin asked what about quitting. Howard asked if Sal is going to quit. Sal came in and said that he has cut back by about 50 percent. He said he wants to quit. Howard said he has that stuff that had a skull and crossbones on it. Sal said he stopped that. He said he uses other stuff now. Howard said maybe go back to smoking. Sal said he's down to 3mg of nicotine. Howard said this thing that they invented might be worse for you than smoking. Sal said he knew something was going to happen. Robin said people think it's so safe. She said this is why they don't stop it. Robin said people smoke pot because it's natural. Robin said it's the juice that's the problem in these vape pens. Howard said Sal would use the stuff with a skull and crossbones on it. Sal said he is cutting back. Howard asked how you even do it once. Sal said it's addictive. Howard told him to stop today. Sal said he'll try. He said he's been weaning down.
Howard said he was told he can't drink coffee so he stopped that day. Howard said he stopped drinking when he was told he should stop. Sal said he has great will power. Howard said it's a choice between living or not living. Sal said he's going to try. He said you get stressed out. Robin told him to suck his thumb. Howard said just quit. Sal said he quit smoking cold turkey. Howard said Richard doesn't like walking with Sal because he's in a cloud of vape vapor all the time. Sal said there are people smoking weed out there on the street. He said that has to stop.
Richard came in and said ''Honey you have to stop.'' Howard said stop with the honey stuff. Richard said he's been trying to get him to stop for years. He said he hates this. He said it worries him about his health too. He said he wants him to stop for his own heath. Howard asked how long it takes to stop something that's killing you. Richard said it's hard. Howard said he doesn't get why it's so hard. He said it's killing him and he should stop in a second. He told Richard to take the juice and dump it. Sal said it cost him 20 bucks. Howard asked if he's done with it. Sal said he's done. Howard said he's putting this shit in his lungs. He asked what he's doing with this. Sal wasn't sure he wanted to throw it out. Sal said it's a big moment. Howard said he'll throw it out right now. Sal said do it. He said the vape pen was 40 bucks. Sal said the vape juice can go too. Howard said now he's a fucking man. Sal said this is horrible. Richard said he'll be digging in that can later. Sal said he knows he should quit.
Howard asked what else he's addicted to. Sal said Richard's penis. Howard said just quit when you have to quit. He said he can control his own intake. Richard asked if he wants to be happy though. Howard told him to get out. Sal said now he's going to be cranky. Richard said he'd rather have him cranky and alive than not have him around. Howard said nothing is hard. Sal said that's including his penis. Robin asked if he's having problems. Sal said he has a slow drip problem. He said the dripping goes on and he has dribble. Howard said roll up some toilet paper and shove it in his underpants. Sal said he has it in his pouch right now. Richard asked to see it. Sal took it out and had Richard cracking up. He said it looks like a Molotov Cocktail. Howard said that's a great invention right there. Sal was hard so Howard wondered what's going on. Sal said he had a lump on his nuts too. He said he felt something odd and had to see a doctor.
Howard asked if this vape juice is going to make him sick. Sal said he'll have Richard take it out of there. He did that for him. Howard said good for Sal stopping that. Sal said he's looking forward to going to L.A. Howard said he's not even sure if Sal is going to L.A.
Howard took a call from fake Sal's wife who said she's upset that he quit vaping. She said she wants him to take it up again.
Howard asked about Sal's nuts. Sal said he has a cyst on the side of his testicles but it's not cancerous. He said if it was cancer it would be very hard. He said if it feels very hard then see a doctor. Sal said he was very worried about that but he's fine.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she has to applaud Sal. She said her mom has stage 4 lung cancer and it's very hard to watch someone crumble over cigarettes. Sal said he's very sorry about that. Howard let her go. Sal said that the guys back there in the office should stop vaping too. Howard said don't worry about them. Howard said Sal goes around telling them that he had a cancer scare but it wasn't. He said a cancer scare is when they tell you it's cancer and it turns out not to be cancer. Howard kicked him out and got back to news.
Robin read a story about Donald Trump talking about North Carolina and how they'll rebuild after the hurricane. Robin had some audio clips of Trump for Howard to play.
Today's show was over around 11:20am.