- Thursday Replay Show. 12/08/16. 7:00am
Show opening bits and songs included: Yucko the Clown goes to Rockefeller Center, a phony phone call to a guy selling a rim made by a George Takei impersonator, a Ronnie the Limo Driver song parody, unknown performer covering The Great American Nightmare.
Here's what they played on this morning's replays on Howard 100:
- Ronnie's Revelation. 12/08/16. 7:00am
First up on today's replay show they played a segment where Ronnie revealed some new details about his life. Here's my rundown:
Howard Takes Some Calls. 12/06/16. 8:25am
After the break Howard came right back and took a call from Tommy from Malden who asked why it bothers him so much that stupid people give Jim Baker money. Howard said it makes him crazy. He said he believes that you provide a service and get money. He said this guy was so distraught over his mother giving Jim Baker money that she didn't have. Tommy said it's a free country. Howard said he understands that but it doesn't feel good to him. Tommy said in Lawrence Massachusetts they found a kid who was decapitated by a 16 year old. He said that's something to be worried about. Howard said he used to make sense. He wondered what happened to Tommy. Fred played the cuckoo clock sound for him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he put up a billboard with ''Hit 'em with the Hein'' on it. Howard said he saw that. Howard said there's a commercial with ''Hit 'em with the Hein'' in it too. Howard said he has a bunch of clips to play too.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she's been working as a webcam dominatrix for 4 years now. She said she thinks Sal's cum tasting fetish is very popular. Howard asked if guys jerk off and taste it. The caller said that some of them do that. Howard asked if she's like she is on web came in her real life. The caller said she's not. She said she has two kids and she's married. She said she thinks she's attractive. She said she'll sit there and she's kind of cunty so she does her job well. She said it lets her get her frustrations out.
Howard said this is some business. Robin asked what she can make. the caller said she doesn't do it very often now. She said she was making from $1000 to 2000 a week for about 15 hours of work. Howard said that's pretty good. Howard said you don't have to pay taxes on that. She said she actually does. She said she's trying to become a police officer now too and she thinks this makes her more qualified for the job.
Howard asked if she has to take an intelligence test for that. She said you do. She said there is a lot that goes into it. She said she knows how to fire a gun and all of that. The caller said they used to care about that webcam kind of stuff but not so much anymore. Howard said Gary just gave him a picture of her. He said she's pretty hot. Howard said they could use her as an under cover cop.
Howard asked if she does the dominatrix thing in person or just on camera. She said it's only on camera. Howard said that seems to be a great gig. He said you don't have to be involved with any guys. Robin said you just talk dirty. Howard asked if she calls herself Mistress. The caller said she does. Robin said maybe she'll do this when she retires. Howard asked what this caller's name is. SHE said she's Mistress Brooke online.
Howard asked if she sees the guys. She said she can. She said there is a cam to cam option. Mistress Brooke said the other day there was a guy who was into CBT which is cock and ball torture. She said that he had like 9 clothes pins on his balls and she was watching this. She said she was cracking up. She said she made like $100 just for watching and laughing at the guy. She said she doesn't get off on it either. Howard asked if she ever rubs her vagine. She said no and they're lucky just to get to see boobs.
Mistress Brooke told Howard that she's seen small penises and Howard is big compared to some. She said there are a lot of small ones out there. Howard said he's 6 when he's hard. He let Mistress Brooke go a short time later.
Hit 'Em With The Hein Clips And More. 12/06/16. 8:35am
Howard said he has some ''Hit 'em with the Hein'' stuff to play. He said Jon Hein was interviewed about the origin of the term and Jon explained it to someone on ESPNU. Howard said he won't mention Jason in it. He said he only mentions Nik Ruckert. Howard said he thinks this turns Jason on though. Howard played a clip of Jon explaining where ''Hit 'em with the Hein'' came from. Jon did mention Jason in the clip. He didn't say his last name. Howard said he won't give Jason credit. Jason said he thinks that Jon thinks that he's part of the story. He said Nik did come up with it. Jason said he kind of sang it. Howard said Nik is like the song writer and Jason is like Rihanna singing a Sia song. Jason said Jon mentions him like he mentions the guy who co-created JumpTheShark.com with him.
Howard played more of the audio of Jon talking about ''Hit 'em with the Hein'' and how he never really uses it himself. The host of the show asked Jon to yell it out for him. Jon said if it was another show he might do it. He gave him a Baba Booey instead. Howard played audio of Jon saying ''Hit 'em with the Hein'' a couple of times.
Howard said Jon should have said the story was so boring he should talk about something else. Howard played a clip of a fan yelling out ''Hit 'em with the Hein'' during a free throw during a basketball game. Howard played a second clip from that game where someone else got in a ''Hit 'em with the Hein.'' Howard played a song parody about ''Hit 'em with the Hein'' too.
Howard said he has a fan yelling out Baba Booey at the same game. He said they're near the announcer so here you go. Howard played that clip and the guy got in a loud Baba Booey.
Howard said he has Desmond Howard saying ''Hit 'em with the Hein'' on a show. Howard played that clip and Desmond threw it into some commentary. Howard played another clip from a show where a woman got in a ''Hit 'em with the Hein.'' Howard said Desmond might be the first black person to say ''Hit 'em with the Hein.''
Howard said on Good Day New Mexico they ended the show with a ''Hit 'em with the Hein.'' Howard played that clip and one of the hosts got that in. Howard played another ''Hit 'em with the Hein'' song parody.
Howard said this is really taking off. He said he doesn't understand the phenom. He said that even Robin didn't predict this.
Howard said Jake Fogelnest said ''Hit 'em with the Hein'' during a report on a news program. Howard played that clip too.
Howard played a clip of a guy on CNBC saying ''Hit 'em with the Hein'' during a discussion about credit card fraud. Howard played another song parody after that.
Howard said he's so sad that Florence Henderson didn't get to hear that. He said Prince and David Bowie didn't get to hear it either.
Howard said on QVC one of the hosts got in a ''Hit 'em with the Hein'' too. Howard played that clip and they were on location at an ice skating rink when the guy got in the ''Hit 'em with the Hein.'' Howard played another clip where one of the hosts asked if the guy had said something about hitting a Hynd. She thought he was using his own last name in the ''Hit 'em with the Hein'' thing. Howard said he's laughing at the people who bought this thing called the Snow-Joe on QVC.
Howard said a Toyota dealership used ''Hit 'em with the Hein'' in a commercial. Howard played that and it was Bach Toyota. Howard asked Robin what she thinks of that. Robin said ''Hmm.'' Howard played another ''Hit 'em with the Hein'' song parody. Howard said they sold 0.0 more cars after using that.
Ronnie Sex Stories. 12/06/16. 8:50am
Howard took a call from Mark in Boston who said it's like that commercial where Ronnie says something about pussy tulips. Howard did his Ronnie impression and said he's a fucking weirdo. Howard said he's the best except he's his driver. Mark asked if he ever wishes he was bigger. Howard said of course he does. Mark said you don't think of a security guy being 5 foot. Robin said he's no deterrent to the target Howard makes. Howard said that's right just go tell Ronnie that. Howard said Ronnie protects his ankles and he has a second guy to protect the rest of him.
Mark asked if he can jump to protect him. Howard said he thinks Ronnie wanted to be a cop but he failed the exam. He said it may have been his psychiatrist. Mark said they didn't like his crayons. Howard said he has protected him against a group of kindergartners. Howard said Ronnie did say he was in a gang in high school. Howard asked Ronnie what gang that was. He said you have to hang with Ronnie. He said he was talking about the old Chinese guys not being accepting about George Takei being gay. Howard said he didn't even correct Ronnie. Howard said he said Chinese yesterday. Ronnie said he knows he's Japanese. He said it's the same thing.
Howard asked what gang Ronnie was in. He said they were The Hitters. He said the other side of the street were the Collegiates. He said they were the guys going to college. Howard asked if he wore a leather jacket. Ronnie said he did. He said he wore boots too.
Howard asked Ronnie if he was a tough guy. Ronnie said no, they just hung out. Howard asked why he didn't join the police department. Ronnie said he did. Ronnie said he got in and passed all of the tests. Ronnie said he took the test and they had a police training program. He said he took it at 17. He said that he wasn't allowed to go on the street until he was 21. He said he took the test and all and he was about to go into the academy. He said he got engaged to a girl and her father was rich and wanted him in the family business. He didn't want his daughter to be married to a cop so he didn't go in. He said they ended up breaking up but it was too late to be a cop after that. He would have had to start all over again. He said they broke up 2 weeks before the wedding.
Howard and Fred did this impressions of Ronnie and goofed on him for a short time. Howard asked what the father did. Ronnie said the guy was a liquor importer. Howard did more of his Ronnie impression. Fred got in on that too.
Howard asked if Ronnie was friends with any of the collegiates. Ronnie said he had some but he didn't hang out on that side of the street.
Shuli came in and said that one of Ronnie's buddies told him some stuff about Ronnie. He said that he talked to this guy named Cozy Michaels. He said this guy approached them and said he had some stories. He went to school with him. Ronnie said the guy didn't go to school. Shuli said they're exploring everything Ronnie. Ronnie said Jon Leiberman was going to do this but he never did. Shuli said the guy told him that they'd get out of their cars at stop lights and have fake fist fights. Howard asked why they did that. Shuli said he doesn't know, maybe they were retarded.
Shuli said they would get chicks and put sheets up between the front and back seats so they could fuck girls. He said Ronnie was fucking girls at 16 and only doing anal. Ronnie said he was only 14. He said that it was a catholic school girl.
Howard had Cozy on the phone. It was one of the guys in the back doing a Ronnie impression and pretending to be
Cozy. Howard didn't keep him on for long.
Shuli asked about a Chinese restaurant they used to hassle. Ronnie said that they did. Shuli wanted to hear him do his impression of what he did to the guy out there. He would speak in fake Chinese. Ronnie refused to do it. He said they never hurt anyone.
Howard asked if the woman who blew Ronnie is still around. Ronnie said he doesn't know about that. Shuli said there was a girl that Cozy told him about. Ronnie said he saw that Cozy was hitting on his ex-wife on Twitter. He said that's how he got in touch with him again recently.
Shuli said Cozy told him about this girl that Ronnie told him about who gave great hand jobs. Ronnie said they were in the car at the time. He said you didn't have to know her. He said you just got her number and met her by her house. He said he called her up and she got in the car and said nothing. He said she had weird fucking eyes. He said she was cute too. He said you'd go to a spot and park and she didn't care where it was. He said she just did it. He said she'd jerk you off and then walk away.
Howard asked how long it took to jerk him off. Ronnie said it didn't take long. He said she would take her two fingers and make the peace sign and wrap it around the head. He said she did something. He said she didn't use lube. He said it was amazing though. He said she'd take the load all over her hand and then get out and leave. He said she never said a fucking word. Howard asked how many times he went to her. Ronnie said he went every once in a while. Howard said he wishes he knew someone like that.
Howard said that's so romantic. Ronnie said that guy told Shuli everything. Howard asked if he could find her on Facebook. Ronnie said maybe he could. He said that she'd just get in the car and stare at you. Howard said maybe she was a dude. Ronnie said he knows for sure she was a girl. Howard asked if she cared who she jerked off. Ronnie said she didn't care. He said as long as you got her number from a referral she didn't care. Howard asked how many times she jerked him off. Ronnie said it wasn't that many times. He said he'd call and ask her to meet and she'd give a time and meet him out there.
Shuli asked what Ronnie's nickname was. Ronnie said he didn't have one. Shuli said this guy said he was the brains of the operation.
Howard took a call from the guys in the back who were pretending to be the Chinese restaurant owner. then he took a call from the girl who jerked Ronnie off. Her voice would go from high to low like it was a guy pretending to be a girl. She was saying she was so good at it because she's practiced a lot on her own cock.
Howard said that girl may have ended up in a mental institution. Ronnie said she wasn't getting paid for it. He said it was fun though. Howard asked if he ever tried to fuck her. Ronnie said there were rules. He said it was just jerking off and no touching. He said she was cute though and he would have liked to fuck her. Howard asked if he was afraid that she'd cut his dick off. Ronnie said no way. Howard said if he had that number he'd never give it to anyone else. Howard said he'd keep it quiet.
Ronnie said he kept it quiet when he fingered his mother's friend. He said he was over watching her kids. He said she was playing Mahjong at his mother's house. He said she was okay looking. Ronnie said he heard stories about how she and her husband weren't getting along. He said he had never thought anything of it. Howard asked how old he was. Ronnie said he was maybe 16 and she was in her 30s. He said he was in the house watching TV and she came in. He said the kids were asleep. Ronnie said she started making out with him. He said she was giving the vibe. He said they were laying on the couch and he was fingering her. He said he didn't get her clothes off but he did finger her. He said he lifted the bra up too. He said she jerked him off and it never happened again. Howard asked if she had a big, full bush. Ronnie said she did. He said he never did it again because she had a husband. Ronnie said things were kind of weird after that.
Howard asked where he came. Ronnie said she took it in her hand. Fred yelled out ''Catch!'' in his Ronnie voice. Howard asked if he smelled his fingers after he fingered her. Ronnie didn't remember doing that. Howard said he must have. Ronnie said he didn't give a shit. He said he just remembers walking out and thinking ''Holy fuck!'' Howard asked if he talked to her after that. Ronnie said of course. He said they were neighbors.
Howard said he must be a good looking guy. Ronnie said he doesn't know. He said when he was 9 he was caught making out with another 9 year old. He said this girl was 9 too but she wasn't great looking. He said that he was nice to her and one day they were hanging out and making out. He said his father walked in and asked what the hell was going on there.
Howard said he's like Ronnie Hefner. Shuli said he was getting anal at 14. Howard asked if that's right. Ronnie said yes. Shuli said one of his favorite songs is ''Cathy's Clown'' because that's a song that reminds him of the girl he did anal with.
Ronnie said this girl went to Catholic school. He said he'd meet her on the corner and go to his house. He said they'd screw around. He said his dog would watch and lick his asshole when he was messing around with her. He said that he wasn't banging her though. He said she'd jerk him off. He said the dog would watch and if he was on his stomach he'd lick his ass. Howard said dogs do love ass.
Ronnie said the girl moved away but then he found her in the Bronx. He said he'd sneak up there to see her. He said her parents hated him. Howard wondered why. Ronnie said they were strict catholic. He said his father pulled up and saw him at a bus stop. He said he told him never to be near his daughter but he kept seeing her.
Howard said Ronnie loves pussy. Ronnie said her sister used to rat them out. Howard asked how far the dog would stick his tongue in his ass. Ronnie said it was just a lick and he'd kick the dog off the bed. Howard said they should have a contest to see whose ass a dog would lick.
Shuli said he heard a story about Ronnie prank calling Cozy all the time and how he traced the calls back to Ronnie's dry cleaner that he owned. Howard said he'd love to hear a Ronnie prank call.
Howard took a call from a guy who said this is the greatest segment. He said they have to put this on the best of the year. Howard said he should talk about Ronnie and his poetry anniversary. Howard said he did the poem ''Winter'' a few years ago. Howard had some clips to play to celebrate. He said he knows Robin likes his poetry.
Howard said 5 years ago Ronnie wrote a poem and read it on the Wrap Up Show. Howard said Ronnie wrote a new one for the show but he refused to read it on the air so JD did it. Howard played a clip of JD reading it on the air 5 years ago.
Howard said he thinks Ronnie wrote this when he was sitting on the toilet. Ronnie said he did. Howard played more of the clip of JD reading the poem and Ronnie correcting him on the way he was reading it. Howard said they had fake Morgan Freeman read it instead.
Howard said Ronnie wrote a poem for his birthday too. Howard played a clip of Ronnie reading his poem about him.
Howard said he's so angry. He said he's like Ronnie Angelou. Howard said there's a lot of emotion in those poems. He said a lot don't really move you.
Howard said Ronnie is really sexed up. Ronnie said he has a story that he can't tell on the air. Howard asked if his dad took him to have sex. Ronnie said no. He said he caught his dad and mom in a threesome. Howard asked where they were. Ronnie said they were in their bedroom in the house. Howard said his dad must have been a cocksman. He asked if it was another woman. Ronnie said it was. He said he can't say who it was. Ronnie said he knew who it was and it was kind of disturbing. He said he wasn't home at the time. He said he came in on it. He said the door was closed but he could hear what was going on.
Howard asked Ronnie if he was out with the Hitters. Ronnie said he may have been a junior in high school. He wasn't driving yet. Howard asked how his old man managed to get that going. Ronnie said he doesn't know. He said he just went to his room and went to sleep.
Howard asked how that all went down. Ronnie said he has no idea. He said he never asked about it. Ronnie said he heard instructions being given and heard the other voice. He said it was fucking nuts. Howard asked what the old man was barking out. Ronnie said he was instructing the other person how to get anal. Howard said he was telling her how to take it in the ass. Ronnie said basically that was it. He said he just heard things. He couldn't see anything. Howard said that's some house of horrors he grew up in. Ronnie said it was actually good.
Howard took a call from a guy who said his question was answered. He said there's no way you get that fucked up without having this kind of stuff going on. Ronnie asked why it was fucked up. He said he doesn't see it that way. Howard said his dad must have been a cocksman. Ronnie said it was very weird. He said he thought it was cool at first but then he thought it was fucked up. He can't remember exactly what they said. Howard asked if he jerked off while he was listening. Ronnie said he may have. He said he doesn't think they knew he ever came into the house. He said they were that into what they were doing.
Howard said maybe it was a long time thing that was going on. Ronnie said he doesn't know. He said the other person was at the house a lot.
Howard said most people are disgusted by their parents having sex but not Ronnie. Gary said the entire office is disgusted by this. He said it's nearly impossible to do that with the entire office. He said they're disgusted that he was jerking off to his parents having sex.
Shuli said what Howard saw as a child inspired him. He said that's what happened to Ronnie too. Howard said the old man was banging some chick in the ass while his mom was in the room. Howard said that's wild.
Howard asked if Ronnie's mom had big tits. Ronnie said come on. Howard said he's just wondering. Ronnie said she did. Howard asked if Ronnie jerked off with a magazine when he heard his parents having sex. Ronnie said he did. Howard asked if the other woman was hotter than his mom. Ronnie said the friend was pretty hot. Howard said that must have been free love back in the 60s. Howard asked if his old man had a big cock. Ronnie said he did. He said he saw it once. He said he came home one night and his dad almost shot him. He said he didn't turn the lights on. He said he got a drink out of the refrigerator and his old man thought someone broke in. He said he was naked when he came down with the gun. He said he turned around and he asked what the fuck he was doing. He said his dad almost shot him. He said his cock was big too.
Howard asked if Ronnie wanted to know more about what was going on in that room. Ronnie said no. Howard wondered how his dad got this woman. Ronnie said they were good friends. Robin asked how they missed talking to Ronnie's dad. Howard said they might have to dig him up. Howard said that's some wild stuff. He said he wishes he knew his anal orders. Howard asked if he knows what he was saying. Ronnie said it was a long time ago and he doesn't remember. Howard said he heard something. Ronnie told Shuli to go talk to Cozy. Ronnie said he has no idea what he said.
Howard said it's not Ronnie's fault he's so sexed up. He said creepiness is in his DNA. Shuli said he's like Lady Gaga and he was just born this way. Ronnie said that she looked good on that thing last night. He was talking about the Victoria's Secret show that was on last night. Ronnie said he saw Nick Cannon on that show right in the front row. Howard said he thinks he's stuck wearing that turban he has because he thought people would think it was cool but no one else is following his lead. Howard said he's having another kid with a woman he's not even with now.
Howard said he saw a clip of Nick talking about how Planned Parenthood is population control. Howard said it's a good thing because it helps women out. Howard said Nick is on some weird thing. Howard played the audio of Nick talking about it being population control. Howard said the turban looks like Professor X. Robin said he looks like that thing in the machine in the movie ''Big.''
Robin said she thinks Nick is losing it. Howard said they have to get him in there to talk about this kid he's having. Howard said he used to mentor Nick but now Simon Cowell isn't doing that with him.
Howard took a call from Ronnie's dad from heaven. It was the same guy in the back doing the Ronnie voice. Howard had to ask the guy to turn down the echo. Howard asked if he knew Ronnie was jerking off in the other room that night. He said he did and the dog was licking his ass too. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to Mr. Mund. Howard asked how he got the lady in the bedroom with his wife. Mr. Mund said ''You ever hear of drugs Howard?''
Howard asked JD what he thinks about the Ronnie revelation of jerking off to his parent's threesome. JD said he can see where it comes from. JD was trying to say that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree but he screwed it up.
Howard had JD come in the studio. JD came in and said that he said the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Howard asked if he ever caught his parents having sex. JD said he may have once. He said he was way too young to know what was going on. He said he knew it was bad so he got out. Ronnie asked why it's bad. Howard said it is traumatic when you catch your parents. Ronnie said it was traumatic for him but then he jerked off.
Howard said Ronnie did write a new poem. Ronnie said he did it at the last minute. He said he's not a poet. Ronnie said he wants JD to read it. He said it's called ''Twitter'' and it's not great. Howard had JD read the poem. JD read the poem which started out ''Twitter works best for me when I'm on the shitter...'' He rhymes a lot of goofy things he sees on Twitter while sitting on the shitter.
Howard wrapped up with the guys after the poem. He congratulated them on that and went to break.
- Sal Gets Caught. 12/08/16. 8:30am
Next up on today's replay show they played a segment where Sal got caught removing a game involving him from the computer system. Here's my rundown:
Jimmy Kimmel Hosting The Oscars. 12/06/16. 7:00am
Howard started the show singing along with his opening theme song. He was singing about doing Roll Call with the guys in the studio. Howard sang that he's an extra big douche today. He said he sounds like the guy in the B52s Fred Schneider. Howard tried doing an impression of him singing ''Love Shack.'' He said he loves that guy.
Howard asked if Fred and Robin were ready and then if Benjy was ready. He said just kidding since he's not in the studio.
Howard played a clip of fake Underdog Lady announcing what they had coming up on the show. She said Robin and Howard will try to decipher what JD is saying.
Howard said he was reading the paper today and Jimmy Kimmel is going to be hosting the Oscars. Howard said that's a big deal. He said he will be terrific at it. Howard said he's his friend and even his friends are becoming power players. Howard said he's actually the only power player. Robin said people he's influenced are getting invited to the White House and things like that but Howard never does. Howard said it's called the Howard Stern Bump.
Robin said someone was being honored the other day. Howard said it was Joe Walsh. Robin said it was someone else. Gary said it was Bill Murray. Robin said she wondered why Howard wasn't there. Howard said he gets asked to do a lot of things like that but he says no. He wasn't invited to the Bill Murray thing though. Howard said anything that has to do with the president he's shunned. Howard said he's controversial. He said with the election of Trump maybe now people will honor the controversial. He said he swears it's a badge of honor not to be invited though. He said he's done so many things that question his sanity. He said there are times he wants acceptability though. He said at the same point if he was a treasure he wouldn't be right. He said it's a weird fucking thing.
Robin said even Howard doesn't know where he belongs. Howard said he has financial success. Robin said even if he's not honored she'd like to know why he's not at this Bill Murray kind of thing. Howard said he wasn't invited to that. He said there are things he has said no to and she'd be surprised at what he turned down. Robin told Howard to think of a few things and bring them in. Howard said they'll move on now.
Howard said he's excited for Jimmy Kimmel. He said Jimmy cares and that's the most important thing. He said he doesn't just wing it.
TV, Movies And Books. 12/06/16. 7:05am
Howard read that the Apple watch isn't doing well. He said he could have told you that. He said he's not into it. Howard said he downloaded Google Momentum and he likes that. He said he downloads every crazy thing. He said it's annoying. He said he knew the watch wasn't going to be successful. He said he didn't buy it. He said he gets everything but he didn't get the watch. Howard said he has to have everything but he didn't want that.
Robin asked if Howard is into the Alexa thing or the Google thing that's like Alexa. Howard said he heard it's cool but he doesn't have it. He said he has so many things that he doesn't use.
Howard said he finished the Bruce Springsteen book (Born to Run) and it's excellent. He said he's a very thoughtful guy. He said it almost inspired him to write another book. He said people want him to write one but he's not ready to do that. Howard said he's written his book Private Parts but things have happened since then that he'd write about.
Howard said he's reading another book now. He said that's what he's into. Howard said Beth went to a movie premiere and he had to go to bed early instead. Howard said he'd like to be able to go with Beth. He said he has to sleep though. Howard said he just goes upstairs and beats off. He said he can have his own fun. He said he jumped into bed and watched The Walking Dead. He said it was fantastic this week. He said it's every bit as good as any movie he's seen. He said the whole thing was fantastic.
Howard said they say that Bruce got a 10 million dollar advance to write his book. Howard said give him that much and he'll start right now. Howard said he watched the big crossover on the WB with Supergirl, Arrow and The Flash. Howard said they're putting a lot of money into these shows but they're not great shows. Robin said she's getting bored with the shows. Howard said everyone has super powers on the shows. He said he was watching the green arrow and he had to hone his skills. He said they had his sister on the show and she got just as good as him after a couple of lessons from her step father. Howard said that's not cool. He said with the old Superman show the reason it was good is because he was the one super hero.
Howard said this show was a special occasion. He said it reinvigorated the show. He said he got tired of that after a while. Howard said he's reading a book that a friend told him about. He said this guy Joe told him about it. He said he was an English teacher. Howard said he asked what he can read to learn about history. Howard said he's reading a book about the Battle of Peleliu (With the Old Breed: At Peleliu and Okinawa). Howard wasn't sure if he was pronouncing it correctly so Gary told him what Brent told him it was.
Howard said this book is about how vicious the war was. He said that they are questioning if we even needed to fight them there. Howard said it makes you understand why we had to bomb them. He said they were relentless and a lot of our boys were being killed. Howard said he recommends this book. Robin said she won't read this one. Robin said she does not like to read about people dying for no good reason. Howard said she should read it. Robin said she doesn't read that stuff. Robin said she won't read The Lone Survivor either.
Howard said he's reading a book about how to organize. He said that he can't remember the name of that one. He said if he had his Kindle he'd know it. Gary asked if it's ''The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing.'' Howard said that's it. He said it's a great way to organize. Howard said you can't clean your whole apartment. He said you have to do it all at once. He said that's what she suggests doing. He said you do it all at once. He said he's going to read this book.
A Few Minutes With Sal. 12/06/16. 7:20am
Howard said people are wondering what the fall out of Sal and Richard's lie detector test is. Howard said it came out that Sal eats his own cum. Howard said he thinks that's just fucking weird. Howard asked Sal to come in and explain. Howard asked why he did that.
Sal came in and said it wasn't intentional. He said he blew a load into a girl's mouth and he tasted it when he kissed her. Howard said he might be gay. Howard asked what the fall out was yesterday. Sal said his wife asked how work was and he said fine and walked away. Howard said Richard was gay as well. Howard said his dad called him on the voicemail. He played a fake bit that the guys made with fake Richard's Dad. He told Richard not to come home for Christmas unless he wants to make his mom cry.
Howard said Sal's son called him too. He played a clip of a kid telling Sal not to come home and move to Pakistan or something.
Howard said his life isn't that good. Sal said his son's did ask how work was. He said he couldn't look them in the face. He said he looked at a pillow and said it was great. Howard said he should have showed them a picture of him wearing the Christmas lights. Sal said George's eyes popped out of his head when he saw that. Howard said George liked his cock. Sal said he knows and he wishes his wife liked it that much.
Howard said he caught Sal with another weird thing. Howard said they were off but some of the guys were working. He said Gary says to Sal to go through some games and find the stuff they haven't' played in a while. He said he was told if he deletes anything in the system tell Gary about it. Howard said they caught Sal deleting his own game without telling Gary. Howard said they caught him. Howard said they knew he'd do it and he did. Sal said he didn't do it. Howard said he took it off the fucking thing. Sal said he took it off but didn't delete it. He said he just moved it.
Howard said he knows why he moved it. Howard said you have to hear this. He said they asked Sal to name a country that borders France. Sal thought about it and said The Middle East. Howard said that's not even a country. Then he said Pakistan and Amsterdam. Howard played the clip and asked Sal what he was thinking. Sal said they took a train from France to Amsterdam so it has to be close.
Howard said they asked Sal how many senators there are in each state. Sal said 4. Howard said there are 2 in each state. Howard said Sal isn't gay, he's retarded.
Howard said they asked Sal when Teddy Roosevelt was President. He gave every answer but the right one. Howard played the clip and Sal said he was president in the 50s or maybe the 40s. Then he made it the 60s. Howard said Sal ended up deleting this game. Howard said they caught him. Sal said he's so funny. He said he eliminated a few other games. Howard said only the games that were partially used.
Gary asked Sal if he gave him a list of the games he eliminated. Sal said he had a list initially. Gary said he should have had a list. Sal said he should be involved with the discussions. Sal said he was told to do the clean up. He said he put stuff in a temporary folder and that's what he did. Gary said they looked through everything and it was odd that his game had 30 questions in it and the others only had 2 or 3. Howard said Sal should admit he took it down because it's him. Howard said Sal loves air time so it doesn't make sense. He said he had to be embarrassed by it. Howard let Sal go after that.
Howard said poor Sal. He said he'd never get away with killing anyone. Robin said he might as well turn himself in.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Sal is going to go through gay conversion therapy now that he's been found gay and he's a Trump supporter. Howard said he probably will.
Howard took another call from a guy who brought up the Battle of Peleliu. He told Howard it's something that a lot of people don't know about. Howard said you have to read it so we don't repeat history. The caller talked about some of the stuff they talk about in the book and how he thinks that the people who fought back then thought about nothing but fighting for this country. He said he thinks it's dead these days. Howard said he disagrees. He said he has a good friend named Jameson who is every bit the fighting spirit. Howard said he did a couple of tours of duty. Howard said so did Sergeant Dan. He said that they have a great spirit and all of that.
Robin asked Howard if we have ever learned from history. Howard said some people have but not everyone has. Howard said he's reading a book, that's the point. Robin said he thinks he's reading it to prevent it but that's not what it's about. Howard said things have changed for the better.
Free Pet Adoptions. 12/06/16. 7:35am
Howard said he has to give a media alert. Howard said he and his wife got together with some friends and Beth said it would be great if they got all of the cats and dogs adopted from North Shore for the holidays. Howard said they set up a fund to pay for all of the adoption fees until all of the animals are adopted. Howard said there are 300 dogs, cats and kittens that have been rescued. Howard said if you want to get involved you won't have to pay a fee at all. He said that's going on all weekend. He said you have to be approved but people won't have to pay the fees. Howard said that's a nice thought. He said it might inspire people to go. Howard said that's good through December 11th.
Howard had Fred alert the media. He played a Morse code clip as he was talking about that. Howard said he's going to go he heaven for all of this cat stuff.
Howard said they have a cat that weighs 30-some pounds. Howard said they're going to get him on a diet. He said his name is Maurice. He said he's living with him right now. Howard said these animals are so sweet. Howard said it's a good thing to have no adoption fee.
Howard said he has to talk about what's going on with fantasy football lately. He said he has a new Ronnie Poem coming up too. He said he has some new phony phone calls to play too. Howard said they call a radio show and he's playing his mother and father. Howard said there are about 20 hosts on this show. He said they keep popping in and out of the show. Howard said his parents call in to admit they practice incest with their son. Howard said it shocks the hosts of course. Howard played the phony phone call and the guys called this show and they had Howard doing the voices of his parents talking about how they would make out with Howard's friends and things like that. Then they had Howard doing the voices talking about incestuous things they did. They eventually hung up on them. Howard went to break after that.
- Lenny Dykstra Update. 12/08/16. 9:15am
Next on today's replay show they played a segment where Howard gave a Lenny Dykstra update. Here's my rundown:
Lenny Dykstra Girl Update. 12/06/16. 9:55am
After the break Howard came right back and said that the band Nelson was Ricky Nelson's son's band. Howard said that they had a big hit song. Howard played some of that song. Howard said he found out that the guys are fans of the show and they have recorded his song ''Silver Nickels and Golden Dimes.'' Howard played their version of the song. They used Howard's voice in the beginning of the song. Howard said he wrote this. They changed the song a lot.
Howard said this is going to put them back on top. He said the comeback starts today. He wondered if they still have the long blond hair. Robin said she thinks they cut it.
Howard thanked the guys from Nelson for that song. He said there are like 15 covers of that song out there now. Howard said it's doing very well. Robin said she's sure there are Beatles songs that haven't been covered that many times.
Howard said he's worn out from the Ronnie stories. He said he can't believe he jerked off while his parents were having sex.
Howard said one of the chicks who was in there with Lenny Dykstra is claiming that she may not have been truthful. Howard said she's lying about a conversation he had with her though. He said she's now saying that she told him that she wasn't telling the truth and he was cool with it. Howard said he has witnesses that can prove she's lying about that. Howard played a clip of the girl talking about how she was offered a trip to New York and all she had to do was say that Lenny was good at eating pussy. Howard played more of the interview and the girl said that Howard believed it but Robin didn't. She said she's a 21 year old lesbian. Howard said in this part she says that she told him she was lying after the interview. She claims she told Howard that it was bullshit. She said Howard was cool with it.
Howard said she didn't say that to him. Howard said she claimed it was real. Howard said Gary heard it and she said yeah. Gary said he was surprised hearing her say that on another show. He said she didn't say that to them. Howard said it's sad that Lenny has to pay a woman to make up a story like that. Howard said he prides himself on being a good pussy eater. Howard said maybe the other girl was telling the truth. Robin said she can't be found now.
Howard said his theory is maybe she was telling the truth and now she's getting shit from her family and she has to deny it. Howard said Jason still believes her. Jason said Jessica for sure. He said Jasmine he's not sure on now. He said she did tell Howard she was telling the truth though. Howard said he wouldn't have been cool with it if she was lying and told him she was lying about it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he loves George Takei and he wishes he was permanent on the show. Howard said the problem is that George has a lot of commitments. The caller also said Howard is not an ugly man. He said he's in good shape and if you look at some guys his age on TV he'd see that he's in good shape. He said Chris Berman is one guy. Howard said he's not good looking because he's too thin. Howard said a guy his height should be 225 or 230 pounds. Howard said he's 190. He said he can't put bulk on in the gym. He said he went the other way instead. He said he is caught in a weird zone. Howard said he makes Jason stand at the right angle when he takes pictures. He said he knows he looks pretty good in those photos.
Howard said his daughter got married a couple of weeks or months ago and he just got the wedding pictures. Howard said there's a monster at the wedding. Howard said he's never seen anything like it. He said you can't find a good picture of him. Howard said there is no human being that looks like him. Howard said even his hair. He said he has a full head of hair but even his hairdo is odd on his frame. The caller was arguing with him. He said he's so intelligent and good looking. He said just look at some of the guys that work for him. He said they're 20 years younger and they're fat and out of shape.
Howard said he was watching TV and one of the guys Trump picked to be in his cabinet is 62 and he's looking at him like he was 90. Howard said compared to guys his age he looks pretty good. He said his overall look is odd looking. The caller, Vince, kept insisting that he's not. Howard said it's only dudes saying that he's not odd looking. Vince said he's heard women too.
Vince asked how many celebrity women he's had come on to him. Howard said maybe 15. Howard said that was pretty exciting. Howard said he is good looking. He said Vince finally broke through.
Howard said if you bang a few celebrities you'll feel good about yourself. He said it changes your whole opinion of yourself.
Howard said he didn't have any A-list celebrities. Howard said he wasn't single that long though. Robin said he did go to a party where an A-lister was after him. Howard said he did have that happen to him. Robin said he also said he got one of the greatest blow jobs ever. Howard said they just heard Ronnie sex stories so maybe they should move on. He said no one wants to hear that. Especially his wife.
Howard said Beth went to a movie screening last night and she looked great. He said she was wearing a dress where the belly was cut out. Howard said he had to go to bed so he could rest to be there. Howard said he doesn't get to do anything fun. He said he gets all angry and says all he gets to do is make money. He said he wants to go places but then he's miserable when he does go. Howard said he's miserable. He wonders what it's like to be happy. He said there's something wrong with him. Gary said Jason keeps yelling out ''Lexapro!'' back there. Howard said it did help him. Howard said Sal is on something too. He said it's Propananol or something like that. Howard said Jason seems happier. Jason said he's happier but he's not sure what other people think.
Jason said before the pills he felt like he couldn't enjoy anything. He said this really helped with that. Gary said Jason used to be really quiet. Then he started taking the pills and he didn't stop talking. He said Tom Chiusano almost choked him because of that. Jason said he would sit in darkness and just wait for Monday to roll around. Howard said he actually watches TV. Jason said it was just there and he wasn't taking any enjoyment out of that.
Howard said he sees it's news time but he has to take a break. He did a live commercial read and then went to break.
- Richard's Gay Lie Detector. 12/08/16. 9:35am
Next on today's replay show they played the first part of Richard and Sal's lie detector tests. Here's my rundown:
Sal And Richard's Lie Detector Test With Ed Torian. 12/05/16. 8:15am
After the break Howard came right back and had played a pre-recorded announce from George Takei. George was talking about acting straight. That led to Howard talking about how they made Sulu gay in the new Star Trek movie. George said he thinks the tribute should be made to Gene Roddenberry and they were all straight in the original series. He said they should respect the creation of the man who created it. Howard said he's saying that a gay man should be able to play a straight character. George said that's right. He said that Gene was very creative and maybe create a new character that's gay.
Howard asked if he has met the new Sulu. George said he had lunch with him. He said he's very good looking. He said he's like him but young. He said it's John Cho. He said he's happily married to a Japanese American woman too.
Howard said everyone is waiting for this gay or straight thing. Howard played a bumper and then got to Ed Torian who has been at this for his entire life. Howard said that's what Ed has been doing. Ed asked if that's Howard. Ed asked how Howard is doing. Howard said he has devoted his life to finding out the truth. He said the new equipment is much improved. Ed said he has been using this for the last 5 years and it's computerized now. He said the analog and computerized are just as good as the other.
Howard said he's going to test Richard first. Richard said he can get naked of he wants to. George wanted that so Richard asked if Ed is okay with it. Ed said he can do what he wants. Richard said he shaved for this too. Howard asked Ed if he has tested for gayness before. Ed said yes. He said it's a big business. He said gays use a lot of polygraph. He said they want to make sure that the partner is who they think they are. He said they're the best people to work for.
Howard asked Ed to get in front of the microphone. He asked if he just said they're the best customers. Ed said they're easy to deal with and once you give them the results they're fine with it. He said they're easy to deal with. Ed said some people don't agree with the results but the gay people do.
Howard said they have to get Ed on microphone. He said the great Ed Torian is going to test Richard first. He said he has the questions and he has studied them. Howard said he has studied for this. Howard said they're going to find out if Richard and Sal are gay. Howard asked if Ed is ready. Ed said he just needs a couple of seconds. Robin asked if the hook up is the same. Ed said it is. He said you can see it.
Howard asked if Ed has ever tested himself for gayness. Ed said he has not. Howard asked if he's ready. Ed asked for a couple more seconds. Howard said he's reading Richard right now. Howard said Richard can hear them but they will cut them off in a second. Howard said Richard is naked right now. George wasn't able to see it. Howard said he can walk over and see it on his monitor. Howard had him come over. George took a look but he noticed Richard wasn't very excited. George told him to take his shirt off too. Howard said they can't hear George if he's standing there.
Howard said it's just cock. He said it's not that impressive either. George agreed. Richard said he's a grower. Ed said he just needs a couple more seconds. Howard said he can play a song parody. He did that while Ed prepared.
Ed was ready so Howard turned things over to him. Howard said now they'll find out if Richard is gay. Ed asked Richard if he has any gay feelings. Richard said no. Ed asked if Richard gets a boner bathing with his friend in the bathtub. Richard said no. Ed asked it again on the microphone.
Ed asked Richard if he got aroused looking at Sal's ass. Richard said no. Howard said he just scribbled fruit on his answer. Ed asked if Richard would like to lick Sal's asshole. Richard asked him to repeat it. Howard had him do it with a straight face. Ed asked it again. Richard said no.
Ed started laughing again and asked Richard if he has ever tasted his semen. Richard said no. Howard told Ed to grow up. Howard said he doesn't think Richard even believed that answer.
Ed asked if Richard has ever been aroused watching gay porn. Richard said no. Howard said there's no way that's true. Ed asked if he has ever masturbated while thinking of another man. Richard said no again. Howard said he hesitated for that one.
Ed asked if Richard has ever experimented sexually with another man. Richard said no. Howard said Richard is lying and he just came. Ed asked if he has ever had gay intercourse. Richard laughed and said no.
Ed asked if Richard has ever sexually fantasized about Howard Stern. Richard said no. Howard said he believes that. Ed laughed again and asked if Richard if he has ever achieved an erection while thinking about Sal. Howard said Ed just scribbled down ''Bullshit.''
Ed asked Richard if he finds his cock attractive. Richard said yes. Howard said of course he does. Ed asked Richard if he is turned on by his balls. Richard laughed and said no. Howard said that's a lie.
Ed asked if Richard has ever been aroused watching gay porn. Richard said no again. Ed asked Richard if he's turned on when a man shoots a big load. Richard said yes to that. Howard said that's gay that he admitted that. George said he believes that.
Ed asked Richard if he gets a boner bathing with his friend in the bathtub. Howard said some of these are asked twice. Ed asked if Richard would have liked it if during his bachelor party weekend Sal had jerked him off. Richard said no. George said Richard would have liked that.
Ed started laughing and asked Richard if he has ever been aroused sexually by the touch of another man. Richard said no. That was the last question.
Howard asked when they're going to get the results. Ed said he can do it whenever he wants. He said he can go over this and then bring Sal in. Howard said he can take a break and then he can analyze and then give them the results and then get to Sal. Ed said they can do that.
Robin suggested doing the test during the break and then get the results later. Howard asked if this is going to be very interesting. Ed said it is very interesting. He said he can see why Howard is the greatest. Richard said he was laughing during the test so he hopes that doesn't throw things off.
Howard said he'll let Ed get set up with Sal and take a break. He asked him not to laugh during the next test. Ed said he'll try.
Howard asked George what he thinks. George said he thinks Richard wasn't being very candid or forthright. Howard played some song parodies about Sal and Richard being gay. He did a live commercial read after that.
- Sal's Gay Lie Detector. 12/08/16. 10:05am
Next on today's replay show they played part 2 of the gay lie detector tests. Here's my rundown:
Part 2 Of Sal And Richard's Lie Detector Test. 12/05/16. 8:45am
After the break Howard came right back and asked George to do another announce. He played another pre-recorded clip of George talking about Howard being the only man that could turn him straight.
Howard got back to Ed Torian who was set up with Sal in the green room. Howard asked Sal how he's holding up. Sal said he's doing the opposite of Richard. He said he's not going to laugh. He said he's going to be the man he is and be 100 percent straight. Howard asked if Sal was grabbing his chest during the set up earlier. Ed said he was and he's never been touched like that.
Howard said Ed has been doing this a long time. Ed said it's over 30 years. Howard said Sal has kept his clothes on. Sal said he's taking this seriously. He said he has kids. Howard said he should leave his wife if he is gay. Ed said he should. Sal said he can have his wife if he wants her.
Howard said Ed is straight but he's here to find the truth. Howard said some men must not know their inner feelings. Ed said ''To each his own.'' Howard said George used to try to hide it. George said the fire is in you and you see a gorgeous guy...
Howard said Shuli was telling him that he was peeing one day and Sal grabbed his cock. Sal said it was a joke. Howard said that's some joke. Howard asked Ed if he would kiss Sal or Richard. Ed asked if he was kidding him. Howard laughed.
Howard asked if Ed is ready now. Ed said he is. Howard had the guys get the microphone on Ed. Ed said Sal was looking at him. He had him look straight ahead.
Ed got into it and asked if Sal thinks Richard understands him better than his wife. Sal said ''Wow!'' Ed said he has to answer yes or no. Howard had Ed start over because they had microphone problems. Sal's answer was yes. Sal said that was a tough one. Howard said they have to get a second microphone on Sal in there. Howard said he has some crew out there. Howard had the guys do that before moving on.
Ed started over again. He asked Sal the same question about Richard understanding him better than his wife. Sal said yes again.
Ed asked Sal if Richard is more loving than his wife. Sal laughed and said no. Howard said he just saw smoke coming out of Ed's ears.
Ed asked Sal if he has ever thought about Richard during sex. Sal said no. Howard said he's going to flunk so bad.
Ed asked Sal if he has ever sexually fantasized about Howard Stern. Sal said no. Howard said that's a lie. Ed asked Sal if he has ever thought about having secret sex with Richard. Sal said no.
Ed asked Sal if he has ever fantasized about Fred Norris. Sal said no. Howard said we all have so that's a lie. Ed asked Sal if he finds cock attractive. Sal said no. Howard said he sees Ed laughing. Sal said he has to think about that one. Ed asked the question again. Howard said Sal's makeup is running. Sal said he finds his cock attractive so yes. Sal changed his answer to yes. Howard said he's going to be so gay. He said the kids just locked the door to the house. Howard said Ed is even shocked. He said his hair just turned white.
Ed asked if Sal is sexually attracted to Larry Caputo. Sal said no. Howard said he's lying there. Ed had a problem with the machine. One of the belts popped off of Sal. Howard said that must mean something. Howard said Sal's wife is on a plane with the kids and leaving for another country. He said that belt must have been a homophobe and popped off Sal.
Ed asked Sal if he has ever eaten his own ejaculation. Sal said yes. Everyone let out a ''Ohhh!'' Howard said he knew he was gay.
Ed asked Sal if he secretly wishes he was Howard's significant other. Sal said no. Howard said he can't wait to find out the answer to that. Howard said he thinks he was untruthful.
Ed asked Sal if he secretly wishes he were Howard. Sal said no. Howard said he saw Ed's eyes light up there. Howard said they just wanted to know the answer to that. It has nothing to do with him being gay.
Ed asked if Sal thinks Gary is a good Executive Producer. Sal said no. Ed asked Sal if he voted. Sal said yes. Howard said he bets he flunked that.
Ed asked Sal if he has said the N-word in the last year. Sal said this isn't gay stuff. Ed asked it again and Sal told Robin to cover her ears. He laughed and said ''yes.'' Robin asked when. Sal said it was for comedy purposes.
Ed asked Sal if he believes white people are smarter than black people. Sal said no. Sal said this isn't gay stuff. He said he'd rather be gay than be asked these questions.
Ed asked Sal if he believes all Jewish people are cheap. Sal said no absolutely not. Howard had Ed ask another one. Ed asked Sal if he thinks all Muslims are terrorists. Sal said no, not all. Robin said he's not telling the truth.
Ed asked Sal if he is afraid if Muslims. Sal thought for a second and said no. Howard said wait until you find out he answered falsely.
Ed asked Sal if he hates people of color. Sal said no. Howard said that's a lie. Howard asked if that concludes the test. Ed said that's it. Sal asked what that was all about. George said that he's racist. Sal said he's not... you gook. He said he was kidding of course. Howard said they have a new term for Sal. He's ''Gacist.''
Howard asked if they're going to be shocked by the results. Ed said they will be. Howard said they will take another break and get to that. Howard said he thinks Sal and Richard will be gay. He said that the only man who knows the truth is Mr. Ed Torian. Howard said he's the man behind the lie detector. George said this is a very boring lie detector test. He wanted something more erotic. Sal asked if he wants him to drop his pants too. George said yes. Sal pulled his pants down and George took a look on the monitor. George was saying that he likes that better than Richard's. Ed left the room. Howard had Sal sit down.
Howard said George just came on his back. Ed said last week he was doing mob guys and now he's doing the ''snowflakes.'' George said if Sal isn't gay he should be with that penis. Howard went to break after that.
- Lie Detector Results. 12/08/16. 10:30am
Next on today's replay show they played the gay lie detector test results segment. Here's my rundown:
Sal And Richard's Lie Detector Test Results. 12/05/16. 9:10am
After the break they played a phony phone call the guys made to an internet radio show using clips of William Shatner talking about George Takei on the Wrap Up Show. They also played ''Captain Beet Juice Rogers in the 25th Century'' bit. They played Royal Blood's ''Figure it Out'' as they were coming back.
Howard came back and said he loves this song. Fred had Robin singing over it. Howard said she sings beautifully. He said she sings like an angel.
Howard said he's sitting there with Ed Torian who has been in the business for 30 years. He said just last week he was testing the mob and now he's testing Sal and Richard to find out if they're gay. Howard said people rely on him for the truth. He said they're all excited about this. Ed said today they have him doing snowflakes.
Howard asked if the mob guys were all straight. Ed just laughed. Howard said the first person he tested was Richard Christy. Howard said he's been doing nude, gay antics on the show for a long time now. Howard asked Richard if he has anything to say. Richard said he's straight so that's all he's saying. Howard said Ed is shaking his head.
Ed said he's glad seeing Howard again. He said it's been a long time. Howard said if it was up to him he'd have him up there every day. He said he has a lot of questions about a lot of people.
Howard asked Ed what Richard's results were about having gay feelings. Ed said he was being deceptive on that one. He said he had a big spike on that one. Howard asked about the results of the boner question. Ed said he was truthful about that. He said he was deceptive about looking at Sal's ass. Howard said he said no to licking Sal's asshole too. Ed said he was deceptive on that one too.
Howard said this is all legit. He said based on those questions he's gay. Howard asked if Richard was telling the truth about not tasting his semen. Ed said he was truthful on that. He was being deceptive about getting aroused when he watches gay porn.
Howard said they asked if he has ever masturbated while thinking of another man. Ed said he was deceptive on that one. Howard asked what the results were about experimenting with another man. Ed said he was truthful on that. Howard said it sounds like Richard is gay but hasn't tried it.
Ed said Richard was deceptive about thinking about Howard while having sex. Howard said you see what he's dealing with. George said he's ready to embrace Richard and welcome him to the club.
Howard said they asked Richard about having an erection thinking about Sal. Ed said he was deceptive with that. He said he was deceptive about being attracted to cock. He said he was truthful about the balls. He was truthful about a man's load turning him on.
Howard said holy mackerel. He played a song parody about Sal and Richard being straight yesterday but not today. Howard asked about Richard saying he didn't get a boner in the tub with his friend. Ed said he was truthful. He said he was deceptive about being turned on by the touch of a man.
Howard said he thinks that Richard is gay and he just hasn't acted on it. Robin said she thinks if Sal had offered him something on his bachelor party night he would have done it. Fred said this seems serious. He said if Sal is straight then it's going to be a major issue.
Howard asked Sal if he's going to stop the hijinx with Richard if he is straight. Sal said no. He said he's fine with it. Richard said he's fine with it all. He said he's not gay.
Howard asked why he's so far in the closet. George said he thinks he's pan-sexual and he's taught to suppress that. Howard said Richard is gay but he's so repressed he buried it. Howard said the lie detector brought it out. George said he's not saying he's gay. He said he's just very sexual.
Howard said he can't wait to hear the phone call from his dad. He did an impression of Richard's dad calling to say he just heard he's gay.
Howard said Richard is 100 percent fruitful. He asked if a lot of men lie like this. Ed said a lot of gay people are truthful. He said they're not looking to suppress anything. He said they just want to verify that their partner is truthful with them.
Howard said Richard failed 78 percent of the gay questions. He said that's proof to him. Ed said you look at Richard you can tell. He said he's smiling about it. George said he's all sex and pan-sexual.
Sal said he loves Richard and if he's gay he's fine with it. Sal said he's not worried about his test. Howard said his guess is that Sal is gay. He said he believes he has repressed feelings. Sal said he thinks he's wrong.
Howard asked if Sal is afraid his family will disown him. Sal said no. Howard said it's time to find out. Howard asked if he doesn't want to know the results. Sal said he knows he's not gay. Howard said Richard thought he wasn't gay too.
Howard said they're going to find out if Sal is gay. Howard asked Ed about the questions they asked Sal. Howard said they asked if Richard understands him better than his wife and he said yes. He was truthful according to Ed.
Howard asked about Richard being more loving and Sal saying yes. Ed said he thought he said no. Sal said he said no. Ed said he was lying. Howard said he knew he was lying about that. He said Sal has marital issues at times. Sal said it's a fine line. He said his wife is more loving than Richard.
Howard asked about the question they asked about Sal thinking about Richard during sex. He said no. Ed said he was deceptive on that one. Howard said he has thought about Richard. Sal said he hasn't. Howard said he's on drugs that should hide those answers. Sal said you can't control what you see while fantasizing about sex. He said Richard's face may have popped up during sex. He said that's not a lie. Howard said he was deceptive. Sal said maybe it has subconsciously.
Howard asked Ed about the question about Sal thinking about secret sex with Richard. He said no. Ed said he was deceptive on that one too. Sal walked out. He came back and said he needs a commercial break. Sal said get out of town with that.
Howard asked if Sal has fantasized about him. Ed said Sal was deceptive on that one so yes he has. Howard asked about the question they asked about Sal sexually fantasizing about Fred. Sal said no and he was truthful.
Howard asked if Sal finds cock attractive. Ed said he was truthful about that. Howard asked if he was truthful about Larry Caputo. Ed said he was deceptive about that one too. Howard said he knew it.
Howard said they asked if Sal has ever eaten his own ejaculate. Sal said yes and he was truthful. Howard asked about the one about him wanting to be his partner. Sal said no but he was deceptive. Sal told the truth about not wanting to be Howard Stern.
Howard asked about Sal voting and if he told the truth. Ed said he was truthful. Howard said they asked if Gary is a good Executive Producer and he said no. Ed said he was deceptive on that one. Sal said he did that to bust his balls. He said he told Gary that during the break.
Howard asked Ed about Sal saying he has said the N-word in the last year. Ed said he was truthful with that one. Howard said they asked if white people are smarter than black. He said no. Ed said he was deceptive. He said he was deceptive on the Jewish people question too. He was deceptive with the Muslim people being terrorists question too. Sal said he doesn't think all Muslims are terrorists. He said he wasn't afraid if Muslims and he was deceptive with that.
Howard said Ed's service to the show is invaluable. Howard asked if Sal and Richard want to make out. Sal said no. Robin said she thinks it'll take a couple of days to come around. Howard played a song parody about them being gay.
Robin said she's backing up the lie detector test in all of that. She said she knew Sal voted and the lie detector picked up on that. Howard asked Ed if he's holding him up from something. Ed said he's not. Howard asked if he's nervous about the gay guys around him. Ed said he's never had a guy touch him before. He said Sal did that while he was setting him up.
Howard asked what Sal thinks about being gay. George said he loves that they're both gay. Howard took a call from a woman who said she doesn't know how they're going to recover from this. She also asked Howard if he would fail that test too. Howard said he's 100 percent normal.
Howard asked Sal if he's going to tell his sons. Sal said there's no reason to. He said he's not gay. Sal said he'll tell them not to listen to the kids at school. He said his semen made them and he's not gay.
Howard said he thinks Richard is lying to himself. He said Ed Torian found them out. Howard said he has really liberated them. Ed said look at Richard smiling. Richard said he knows he's straight. George said bathing with a guy in your mid-teens he thinks it's a pan-sexual thing to do. Richard said George sure loves that term. Howard thanked Ed for coming in and testing the guys. Robin said in a few years Richard will be all the way out. Richard said in 10 years they can play this tape and find out.
Howard took a call from Mark in Boston who said it's so great they have a racist gay guy there. Howard said he has a guy on the phone to book them for a gay cruise. Howard took the call from one of the guys in the back who was saying it's 100 percent white cruise so Sal doesn't have to worry.
Howard took a call from a guy who said they're dancing in the streets of Chelsea to celebrate. He welcomed Sal and Richard to that and Sal to the KKK.
Howard said he didn't expect this. He said he thought one would be straight. Ed said they didn't ask them directly ''Are you gay?'' Howard said hook them up and find out. Howard said everything they asked was gay. Ed said they didn't ask directly. Howard said Richard for sure and Sal too.
Howard asked what Ed thinks. Ed said he thinks both are gay. Fred said he thinks they both have a toe in the water. Howard asked if they wanted to dance as he started the song ''YMCA.'' Sal said yes. Then they were touching Ed. Howard let Ed go and said they'll find out next if Benjy is still fat. Howard said everyone just piled out of there. Robin said there's a lot to absorb. Howard said that was exciting. Robin said she had a feeling they were gay. She said it was fascinating.
Howard said Beetlejuice just cut a new song about pussy and money. Howard said it's called ''Money, Money, Money and Pussy.'' He played the song which was beet singing that he loves money and pussy. They went to break a short time later.
Today's show was over around 11:00am.