- Howard Stern's Mammary Lane - Day 5. 11/27/15. 7:00am
Show opening bits and songs included: A Heartfelt Message From Richard Christy about Metallica, a song parody with a woman who fell out of a wine making barrel moaning, Willie Nelson and the Spin Doctors performing a cover of ''Kansas City'' on a Howard Stern Show special.
Howard Stern is off this week for Thanksgiving vacation. They have Howard Stern's Mammary Lane playing this week with new Wrap Up Shows playing after that. Here's what they played today:
- ML: Judge JD - Judge JD - January 15, 2014. 11/27/15. 7:00am
First up on today's Mammary Lane Jon Hein and Gary Dell'Abate introduced a segment where JD judged a contest to win tickets to the Howard Stern Birthday Bash. Here's my rundown from that day:
Shuli Vs. Pittsburgh Pete. 01/15/14. 8:15am
After the break we heard a prank call Fred the Elephant Boy made to a candy store about taffy he had stuck in his teeth. Fred also played Aerosmith's ''Dude Looks Like a Lady'' as they were coming back.
Howard came back and said that's the great Steven Tyler who will be at the birthday show. Howard took a call from a guy who said that Michael Ian Black said his book shot up on the Amazon book list. It jumped 128,000 spots after being on the show. Howard said he was very happy for him when he read that.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he was online and saw Barbara Walters' 10 most interesting people and Howard wasn't on it. He said that's bullshit. Howard said he has to get to this game they're going to play but a couple of years ago they contacted him about the 10 most fascinating people. He said Barbara was going to come to interview him. He said that he wasn't interested when he found out there were 9 others. Howard said he wasn't interested in a 7 minute segment on a Barbara Walters special. Howard said he turned it down and they were flabbergasted. Howard said that everyone else sucks up to get on that special but if Barbara wants to talk to him then he will only do a full hour. He said now they won't even ask him to do it.
Howard took a call from Tommy in Malden who asked if Lloyd Braun is going to be at the birthday show. Howard said he is. Tommy asked if he can go then. Howard asked why he would bring up Lloyd. Tommy said Lloyd is his mentor. Howard said he's about to play a game so he can't do this. Tommy said he should be there over Pittsburgh Pete. He said he contributes more than Pete does. Pete said that he never had a classic fight with Artie Lange. He said he didn't go on stage with Artie either.
Howard said they're going to get to Judge JD and the rest of the guys in a moment. Howard had Elephant Boy speak some Korean for them. He did that and Robin said that's about as good as her Klingon.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was watching Jerry Seinfeld's show last night and wondered when Howard will be on. Howard said it's sometime in February. The caller asked if he can win tickets. Howard said he's about to do something else so he doesn't have time for that. The caller asked if he's afraid that Beth is going to hang out with Harvey's wife and want to have a kid. Howard said he is and that's why he's going to ban Beth from hanging out with her.
Pittsburgh Pete said before he came in there Shuli came in to confront him in the green room. Shuli came in and said that Pete spread a lie about his wife 2 years ago. Howard said this isn't the place to do this. Shuli said the guy is an asshole. Howard said he should have let him deal with it. He said he could have worked something out. Shuli said he wanted to do a man to man thing with him and tell him not to talk about his wife again. Howard said this isn't the place to do that. He said he can take it off the air and handle it but not in the green room. Howard said he's a guest on the show. Shuli said he understands that. Howard said he has to feel safe on the show. Pete said he should have done it after this. Shuli said he doesn't want any interaction with him at all.
Howard asked Pete what the attack was about but didn't want him to say exactly what it was. Shuli said he was saying that his wife was posting naked pictures of herself on Facebook. The two of them started yelling so Howard had to calm them down. Howard said this isn't right to bring up before the show. Howard said he wishes he had known about it before. Bobo said he should have done it on the side instead if embarrassing him in front of the reset of them.
Howard said he has to have control over this stuff. He said he can't be confronting people like that. Shuli said he's 100 percent right and he apologizes for that. He said he has to defend his wife though. Pete said he's a kiss ass. Shuli told him to come down there at 5 tonight and say that to him. Shuli said he doesn't live at home with his parents. He made fun of his speech impediment too.
Pete said Shuli isn't a great caller. He said he just got lucky. Pete said he'll meet him outside at 5 tonight. Pete called him fat boy. Howard said Shuli may have put on a few pounds but he's not fat. Pete said he's not even good at doing his job.
Shuli said Pete is so jealous of him. Shuli said that Pete was saying he lied about his wife because he was trying to contribute to the show like he does. Shuli said he can go fly home and never be on the show again. Howard said he doesn't want them fighting. He said he just wants peace and love, peace and love.
Howard asked if Pete is demonstrating his worth to the show. Pete said this is real. He said Shuli remembered this for 2 years. He said that Shuli insulted him on the phone when they talked about that. He said he's been banned from the news since Langford left.
Howard asked JD if he heard all of this. JD said of course he did. Howard said that Pete came out swinging. Ham Hands Bill said that they could sniff Robin's panties and that would relax all of them. Howard said this guy is a maniac.
Howard said he's going to take a couple more calls and then get to the Judge JD segment. Howard said Bobo is on pills from this whole birthday show ticket thing. Bobo said that he's been going crazy over the whole birthday show thing. Elephant Boy said that JD is looking good today. He was doing a little ass kissing.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wanted to wait on hold to win tickets. Howard said he's not doing that today.
Howard took a call from Melrose Larry Green who told Shuli not to threaten anyone like he did. He said Pete is a fan of the show and he shouldn't be doing that. Melrose said that he isn't even going to the birthday show. Howard said Larry is a peace maker who calmed everyone down. Pete said he's known Larry since he was 16 years old. He said he had a book signing for him at a local Dairy Queen.
Judge JD. 01/15/14. 8:35am
Howard asked if he has to break. Fred said he doesn't have to. He said he has the flexibility. Howard said he'll get to Judge JD then. Howard said that only one of these gentlemen can go to the birthday bash show. Howard said Bobo is there and 81 percent of the audience believes that he shouldn't go. Howard said that Bobo has been on Xanax for weeks because of this. He said he can't sleep and it's impacting his relationship with his 7 year old son. Bobo said he can't be that dad right now. He said he has anxiety issues. Robin asked if he thinks this is a silly thing to lose time with his son over. Bobo said that he loves the show and people who have done that can understand.
Howard said Ham Hands Bill is there as well. Howard said Bill is going to be in the movie Mark of the Cobra. Howard asked when the film is coming out. Bill said they're looking for actors now and they're looking to get Ray Liotta. Howard said they won't get him.
Howard said in the third position is Pittsburgh Pete. Howard said he fights with everyone. Howard said Pete is a promoter and a driver for a strip club in Pittsburgh. Howard said he even hooks up with strippers. Pete said he's high every day too. Howard asked if he's high now. Pete said he's not high this morning. He wanted this day to be clear so he can get through this game.
Howard said that Fred the Elephant Boy is there and he's one of the original Wack Pack. Howard asked what year he was a made man. Fred said that was back in 1988. Howard said that Fred has complied a list of the things he's done on the show. He still has his girlfriend that he got through the show but he hasn't seen her in a year. Fred said that she went through a lot this past year and they're there for each other over the phone. Howard said he claims that he has almost no sex drive now. Fred said he's in his mid 50s now. Howard said it says that he doesn't masturbate anymore. Fred said if it comes up then he'll do it. Robin said she has no idea what he just said.
Howard asked JD if he's ready. JD said he is. Howard said he has the best news for Bobo. He said that he's going to hand him an envelope with two tickets in it. He said they're his but he can lose them. Howard said he's going to go to Ham Hands Bill and he's going to talk to JD. If JD thinks that he should get the tickets then Bobo loses them. Ham Hands can take them if he convinces JD that they should be his.
Ham Hands told JD that this party is the biggest of all time. He said they're going to have a lot of big stars there. Bill said he has enjoyed the birthday shows over the years on TV and radio. He said that if he gets to go he will invite a girl to sit on his lap. Howard said he ran out of time so he had to cut him off.
Howard asked JD if he wanted to pass the tickets on to Bill. JD said he does not. He said Ham Hands just talked himself out of it. He said there was some praising the show but this was more about having a girl on his lap. Howard said maybe the audience would like to see that. JD said no. Howard asked Ham Hands what he has to say about that. Bill tried to say something but he ran out of time again. Howard said he isn't very good at getting his thoughts out. Howard said he blew a big opportunity.
Bobo said his heart was about to explode. Bobo said he had to take his Xanax this morning. He said he hasn't had much more than 6 hours of sleep over the past couple of weeks.
Howard moved on to Pittsburgh Pete. Pete told JD that he sat next to his sister and tried to hook up with her that night. JD said he may have done that. Pete said he loves JD and thought that would be great for her. He said he was fine with that. Pete said the question isn't ''why me?'' but why these guys? He said that Fred hasn't really made an impact since Howard moved to satellite. Fred was shaking his head like he agreed. Pete said they locked him in the green room with Fred. He said that he has body odor. He said they don't want a guy who smells. Howard asked if Fred showered this morning. Fred said he showered before he left this morning. Pete said it makes it even worse then. Pete also said that Ham Hands is in a wheelchair. He said no one wants to pity anyone there. Bill said he's not looking for pity. Pete said it's depressing. Pete said that Bobo is great but it's a mistake to let him go. He said he knows JD will lose twitter followers if he votes for Bobo. Pete said if he lets Bobo go then he's promoting stalkers. He said Bobo got famous for going up to Howard's wife's hospital room. Bobo said that he's been a fan longer than anyone there.
Pete said one reason he should go is because he's America's number 1 radio caller. He said he calls shows across the country and it's always entertaining. He said he's going to get laid that night too. He said none of these guys are going to get laid. Fred and Bill said they could get laid.
Howard asked JD what he thinks about this and if he thinks that he has earned the right to get the tickets. JD said that Pete shouldn't have even been there today. He said that he's very antagonistic. Pete said he expected this from Howard's staff. Howard said he can see Pete is upset. Pete insulted JD with a couple of lines about his weight and being a nerd. Pete was insulting his football team too. JD just laughed and said ''fuck him.''
Pete said that judges are corrupt so ''unleash the whore.'' They brought in the stripper, Miss Gia, that he brought with him from the strip club he works at. Howard said there could be a steal round coming up so watch what you say. Howard asked Gia what she wanted to say. Gia showed off her body and JD said that's a very attractive bribe. Howard said that Pete did bring in some fun into the room. JD said that he won't take that bribe.
Howard said it's Fred the Elephant Boy's turn to try to steal the tickets from Bobo. Fred said he's been on the show for over 26 years. He said that if he's not on the show on a regular basis he's on other shows on the channels. Fred said that Pete should remember that Pittsburgh is home of Hunts Baked Beans. He said what they get from that is hot air. Fred said that he and JD are not that different. He said they're both shy. Fred said he was shy and awkward as JD is. He said they're really not that different. Howard asked if he's trying to say that things will get better. Fred said he thinks so. Howard said maybe he'll be a swan like Fred is. Fred said that he has done a lot of things on the show like getting his ass waxed. He said he had that gay phone call thing too. Fred played a clip of that dating service message he had made years ago.
Howard asked JD what he thinks about Fred the Elephant Boy and if he should get the tickets from Bobo. JD said that Elephant Boy is a legend on the show. Pete said he's a legend too. JD told him to shut up. Pete said he's a legend because if you take away the Howard Stern Show they're nothing. He said he's associated with other shows too. He said people want to be him. Fred said that if he's on other shows then he can go to their birthday show.
JD said Fred is a legend and it is a radio show first and foremost. JD asked Bobo to please pass the tickets to Fred the Elephant Boy. Howard said he's reaching into his Xanax pack now. Howard asked if he's okay. Bobo wasn't saying anything. He was breathing heavy. Howard asked if he has to lay down. Bobo said he'll be alright.
Howard asked Bobo if he had some issues with his wife. Bobo said that he had a thing going on with his family in December. He said his wife was upset with him for leaving the family on that day the world was supposed to end. Howard asked if he's crying. Bobo said it was a tough thing and he loves the show so much. He said he stepped over the line but his wife forgave him. Howard asked if she thought that the world was going to end. Bobo said she didn't but he thought he should be there for his family.
Bobo said he's very loyal to the show and he made that decision to come to the show instead of stay with his family. Bobo said most wives would throw him out of the house for being obsessed as he is. He said he has an entire downstairs devoted to Howard Stern. Bobo said he quit a job after 2 weeks because of the hours. He said his wife told him to quit that job so he'd be happy.
Pete said he quit high school to listen to Howard. He said he was a freshman at the time but he should have been a senior. Howard asked Pete to let Bobo continue. Bobo was pleading his case a little more.
Howard asked JD if he thinks that Bobo should get the tickets. Fred said he's not giving them up. Howard said only Judge JD can change that. Howard asked for his verdict. JD said he loves Bobo and he hates disappointing him. He said he can't see not having Fred the Elephant Boy there at the party. Bobo said he's bummed. He said he understands it and respects the decision. He said he knows there are prices to pay. He said he would give 1000 percent to get in. Howard said he would give him tickets if he had them but they just don't have enough. Howard said that there is a ''steal round'' so he let the guys say a few more words. Ham Hands Bill was rambling about something that Howard cut off. Howard said Pete wants to say something too. Pete got in a plug for Cheerleaders Gentleman's Club which is the strip club he works at. Pete said that he'd like to have his own radio show too. He said even though he has a speech slur he thinks he could do a good show. Pete said he thinks he sucked on his two fingers when he was a child and that led to the slur. There was more to the sorry but it wasn't even clear to Pete what had gone on.
Bobo said he accepts the decision and he knows it was a tough one for JD. Bill said he always behaves when he's up there and he just wanted to say that. Robin said she wouldn't want to be JD.
Howard asked Pete about his dad and Pete said he still lives with his dad and his dad still comes into his bedroom and sits on his bed in his tighty whiteies. Howard said he can't tell what's going on here. He said he doesn't think he's kidding. Pete said he's not sure. Pete said his dad isn't putting his cock in his mouth now. He said he's too old for that. Fred told him to seek professional help.
Howard said he's not sure what's going on over there. Robin said she thinks this has become a nightmare. Howard said he's not sure if it's shtick or not. Pete said ''Lets move on.'' Robin said they were supposed to have a good time today. JD said that they're going to end this. He said court is out of session now.
Howard thanked the guys for coming in and congratulated Fred the Elephant Boy on his win. Howard said JD did a good job judging today. Howard told Pete to put a lock on his door. He asked if he's okay. Pete didn't say anything. Howard said he loves that guy. He said he's not saying anything and he's a very emotional guy. Howard said he had to take a break after that.
- ML: Staff Psych Test - January 19, 2011. 11/27/15. 7:45am
Next on today's Mammary Lane Jon and Gary introduced a segment where they did some psych tests on the show. Here's my rundown from that day:
Psych Test Betting. 01/19/11. 7:15am
Howard said it was time to do this thing with the psych tests. Howard told Gary to come in. Robin wanted to bet on who was going to come out where. Howard said that 6 people took the test. 3 people got something a little quirky on their tests. Gary said that the scores are 65 shows something is going on and 75 and above is a red flag. Gary said there is one person who is very high on the chart and someone who is low. He said there are people in between. Gary said that there was one person who was clearly the most and one who was the least nuts.
Howard said he thinks he's the least nuts. Gary said there is one person who had very high scores in more than one category. He said that the doctor wrote down that this person had a ''severe'' disorder. Howard said he's willing to bet that's Ronnie. Robin said she's willing to take that bet. Howard said she has to choose her person. Robin said she's going with Langford for $50. Howard said that if it's anyone else the bet is off. Robin was fine with that.
Howard said he's been around Ronnie for 20 some years and he knows the guy is nuts. Howard said he could hedge his bet and take Fred. Fred said that he thinks that he's taking himself. Howard said he'll bet Fred on himself and took Ronnie again.
Benjy asked if the doctor based the numbers on her meeting. Gary said there is some interpretation of the numbers.
Robin took herself as being the most normal. Fred said he thinks Howard is. So did Benjy. Robin said Fred could be the most normal. Even Fred didn't believe that. Howard said Benjy is weird. Benjy said he knows he has an eating disorder. Gary said they don't measure that. Benjy said they do too.
Howard said it was time to bring in Langford. Benjy said he thinks that it's Langford who is the craziest. Howard took that bet and took Ronnie again.
Howard wanted to get down to it and bring in everyone. Robin asked who is more normal, her or Benjy. Howard said that's a tough one. Benjy said he would take that bet. Howard said he thinks that Benjy is more normal.
Gary said that he went out to the green room and asked Ronnie and Steve to come in. Ronnie was all worked up that they were keeping him away from the doctor and figured that he was the crazy one. Howard said that they have a bunch of stiffs there since no one was betting.
Staff Psych Test Results Revealed. 01/19/11. 7:20am
Howard had the guys bring in the doctor, Dr. Debbie Magids, and the rest of the guys. Howard said Ronnie was in and looking weird. He said that they have to keep him away from the doctor. Howard said he missed the doctor walking in. He said that she's really hot and he can't imagine being a patient of her's. She said that they use that as part of the treatment. Ronnie said he's making an appointment then. Howard asked how much it is to see her. She said it's not cheap. She said that he'd get 45 minutes with her if he wanted.
Howard asked if the doctor is married. She said that she's dating. Howard said Benjy was quite taken with her. He said he was too. Howard asked if her male patients fall in love with her. She said that they don't fall in love but they may be attracted. Howard asked if she's ever fallen for any of her patients. She said she hasn't. She calls them clients.
Howard said he'd want to open up to the doctor to impress her. He asked if that would work. She said that maybe for Howard it would work. She said she was just kidding about that. Ronnie said that's not fair and she's a fan of his.
Howard said that Steve Langford is one of the people that they think could be the crazy one. Steve said that he knows he's odd.
Howard asked about the results and how one of the people came out to be an extreme case. Debbie talked about some of the people she met with and how they came across in the testing. Howard said that he thinks that it's going to be Ronnie who came out the craziest. Howard said he knows it's not him or Robin. Howard got in a plug for Steven Singer jewelers who is sponsoring this segment today.
Howard asked what this test actually tests for and if they can test for borderline. Debbie said that it can. She said that no one in there is borderline. She said that there are some things that come from childhood and upbringing and she thinks that you can be born with a schizophrenic gene and that may or may not come out depending on the way you're brought up. She said that's just her opinion. Debbie said that not everyone believes that.
Robin asked if this test can find out if you have something that you don't know you have. Debbie said that was a brilliant question and it can find out that stuff.
Debbie told them what the test can bring out and what they're testing for. She said that they look for many things in this test and it can reveal many things. Ronnie was wondering why she kept looking at him while she was talking about this. She said she wasn't but Ronnie didn't believe that.
Debbie explained that they all have some of everything on this test. The test goes from 0-115. IF you scores a 65 then you have a lot of it and 75 is clinically significant. Anything above that is very significant.
Howard asked Debbie to announce the most normal first. She said that it's actually Howard Stern. Howard said he knew it. Everyone else figured that the test was bogus and it wasn't working. Debbie said that they test for lies and she didn't think Howard was lying at all. Howard said that he wanted to make out with the doctor now. He said she's proving what he's always said. He said he loves them all but he feels he's losing his mind with them and living in a mental institution.
Debbie said that Howard is the histrionic personality type. He needs to be the center of attention and he needs acceptance and stuff like that. Howard said he's working on that stuff in therapy. Debbie said that he has sexual and seductive behavior too. Debbie said that Howard may not have always scored the most normal. She said that he needs a lot of approval and attention but he's achieved that. She thinks that he's gotten softer over the years. Robin whispered that he's still a mess. Howard said he's more normal than Robin is. He also said that they should just wait to see Ronnie's results.
Howard said he has been working on all of that stuff she mentioned in the results. Howard said that he has no reason to lie on the test. Howard said Robin might be the crazy one. She's jealous of him. She said that he's not that normal and she can't believe that she's crazier than him. Robin said she might be forced to go to therapy. Howard said she never finished her therapy. He said she needs to get back in there.
Next on the list was Steve Langford. He's the second most normal in the room. Debbie said that he scored high in just one category. Steve didn't even have much to say to that. Steve said that he doesn't feel any particular angst. He said he just comes to work and does his job. Howard congratulated him on that.
Gary said that Steve did score a sadistic personalty thing. Debbie said that he has a lot of residual anger inside. She said that he's got obsessive compulsive issues too. She said that he likes to dig into things and she noticed that Steve barely looked at her during the test. Steve said he figured she didn't want to be bothered. Howard said he saw Robin and Fred in there yelling and screaming. He knew they'd be a problem.
Debbie said that in the next 3 people they have personality traits that cancel each other out. She said they may have scored high in one section and low in another. She said the next person on the list is Fred. She said that Fred scored an 83 on the narcissistic section. Howard said that he had a secondary that was a schizotypal or something like that. She said he had a 68 on that one. Debbie said that those two things kind of cancel each other out. Howard said that he knows that Robin is going to be way crazier than Fred.
Gary said that they had Robin, Benjy and Ronnie left to go over. Howard said he thinks Ronnie is going to beat Robin out. Debbie said the next one is a toss up. She said that person is Robin. She said that she may not be thrilled with the results. She scored higher in the narcissism thing. She got a 94 in that section. She also has the histrionic at a 74. Debbie said that balances out the narcissism. Debbie said that they have mini-scales within the scales. She said that Robin cares about people according to the test. She said that gets balanced out by the histrionic thing.
Howard asked if Robin should still have a therapist. Debbie said she thinks that Robin's life is functioning very well. She said that she gets to have her personality shine in the way she's doing thins now. Debbie said that she thinks that therapy could help. Gary said she even had that in her notes.
Howard said Robin beat Benjy and Ronnie. Howard figured Benjy was next and Ronnie would be on top. Debbie said that the next person is Benjy. Howard said he just won a ton of dough on him. Ronnie said he's happy for him. Howard said that he wanted to hear about Ronnie first. Debbie said that Ronnie has been lovely to her so she's sorry about this. Howard said he wants to read this thing. She wrote that his results were ''severe.'' Debbie said he got a 109 on the narcissistic personalty. He had a 79 on the histrionic. She had a 67 on the paranoid and a high one on the paranoia scale. Howard said that he knew he was nuts. Debbie said he had some delusional things on his test. Howard read some of the notes she had about Ronnie. She was embarrassed by that but Howard read them anyway. She wrote that Howard was helping to keep him functioning. Howard read about how Ronnie may experience more problematic behavior if Howard wasn't around. Debbie said the next part was important too. She said that him being security is a good thing because he's suspicious of everyone. She said that his personalty actually helps him with that job. She said that it normalizes the pathology.
Gary asked if anyone has ever scored a 109 on narcissism. She said she has never known anyone to do that but she knows that there have been people that high. Howard said that he thinks that Ronnie needs to get outside help. Ronnie asked if he's going to pay for it.
Debbie told Ronnie that therapy once a week would be hard. She thinks that he should see someone more often. She also said that there's a desirability chart on the test and he scored an 85 on that.
Ronnie said that he was fine before he worked for him and he can say whatever he wants. Ronnie said he functioned way before he met Howard. He said he never got in trouble or anything. He said they can say what they want, he doesn't care. Howard said she said that he's good for Ronnie. Ronnie said that he's just saying that he can function. Debbie said she doesn't know Ronnie but this is what she found. Ronnie said he'd be fine without Howard.
Fred asked about Benjy. Benjy had an 80 on the histrionic part. He had a high score on the anti-social section too. She said that Benjy will be chronically late to work and things like that. EH's trying to get attention in any way he can and that's the way he does it. Howard got back to Ronnie and said that he has issues. He said he knows Ronnie and he sees him every day. Ronnie said he's fine and he's happy for Howard.
Debbie said that the results are one thing but they have to look at their life and see how they're functioning. Howard said that he makes Ronnie complete. Debbie said that it works well around there. Howard said he has surrounded himself with nuts.
Howard took a call from a Mark in Boston who said they should keep Ronnie away from the car until they can test him. He said you don't want him around because you don't know what he's going to be dragged into.
Scott the Engineer came in and asked how they compare to the general population. Before she could answer Howard said that he thinks Debbie would want to be with him. He said he is spoken for though.
Debbie said that she thinks that many people score high on the narcissism thing. She said it's this business in particular. She talked about how that narcissism thing comes out and what people are trying to do. She said that it's really a fragility and a vulnerability inside. She said that the mother didn't give into the child's needs.
Howard asked if Robin can get the narcissism out if she takes enough enemas. Howard said he knows that people are freaked out this morning. Ronnie said that he's not freaked out. He said that he knows that Howard is happy because it turned out the way he wanted it to. He said that it's not saying a lot that he's the healthiest out of the group. Howard said that Ronnie's whole life is Howard Stern. Ronnie said that's not true. Howard told him to go work on himself and warm up the car.
Debbie wanted to say something to Robin. Robin didn't want to hear it. Debbie said that in therapy you can figure out what needs you have and how you can get those needs. Robin went off on Howard saying that Howard had to be in 4 days of therapy until just a few weeks ago. He was in therapy just to get a little bit better than her and Fred. She said it took 11 years to get there too.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was surprised that Howard didn't pick Robin as the craziest. He said it's obvious that she's crazy. Howard said that this isn't about crazy, this is a personality disorder thing.
Another caller asked if Robin's 34-Gs help with her desirability. He thought that Robin's narcissism thing proves that Dr. Drew was right about her. Robin said that it wasn't right because Drew said she was the highest in the world. Ronnie scored higher than her.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that black people don't need therapy. That's why Robin isn't in it.
Howard thanked Dr. Debbie for coming in. Ronnie said that he wants to take that test to his shrink. Robin went off on Howard again about the way he was bragging about being the lowest. She said that he's like Scott DePace and she knows that he's going to beat people up over this all the time. Howard said he's not crowing about it. He said he's been trying to tell the guys that he sees issues for them. Ronnie said that's not doing anything for him.
Benjy asked why Robin came out below him if she scored higher than him in some of the sections. She said she took the results and also thought about how they function on the show and what she's heard over the past 20 years. She said that Bendy's anti-social stuff was higher than Robin's. Benjy didn't understand why that was but Debbie said that his scores were contributing to the reasons that he doesn't do so well. She said that she doesn't know Benjy personally so she was basing this on the way he acts out on the show.
Howard read some of her notes about how Howard has given him chances on the show that other people may not have given him if he was in another job. Benjy seemed to think that they were just trying to get the results there. Fred also pointed out that Benjy put the wrong birth date on his test. Debbie said she heard them talking about that and she had no idea he had done that.
Ronnie asked for the notes about him so he could give it to his shrink. Howard asked if he like his guy. He said he does. Debbie said that the way they act on the show is part of their personality so she was going on that with the results. She said that she thinks she has a sense of his personality from listening to the show.
Ronnie said that she was saying that he'd be a mess if Howard wasn't there. Debbie said she thinks that if Ronnie was left to his devices that he could be in trouble if Howard wasn't there for him. She said that's just emotionally that she's referring to. She said that doesn't mean he'd literally be a mess and in trouble with the law or anything like that.
Howard said he knows that Ronnie hates him. Debbie thinks that he loves Howard actually. Howard said Ronnie is reliable as hell. He said that he's going to put the divider up whenever he's in the car from now on. Ronnie said maybe he just won't be there for him as much. He'll have someone else drive him.
Howard said he knew all of this was going to come true. He said that the wild card in there was Langford. Howard joked that he was in the hotel room with Debbie last night and he entered her multiple times. Howard said that Debbie has helped him get everyone in line.
Howard took a call from a guy who did his Vinnie Favale impression with Debbie. He also goofed on Ronnie's ''Scoresman'' comments and said 'Scoresman... got a 109!''
Howard took a call from Mark in Boston who said they have to have a TV show based on Ronnie. Another caller said that this test is bull and the woman knew everything about Howard. He said she knew that he was dependant and all of that. She said that she has the results of the test and she didn't make anything up. Robin said maybe she told him how to answer. Debbie said she didn't do that at all.
Another caller asked about what it says about Howard's personality when his predictions all come true in this. Robin said he lies on these tests and he's very manipulative. Howard asked why she would say such terrible things about him. He said that she gave him true/false questions and he answered them honestly. Howard said he was honest. Robin said he was not. She said she knows Howard better than he knows himself or the doctor. Howard said that she's up there with Benjy and Ronnie. That's not good. Robin said they're all in bad shape. She said that he's in therapy 3 days a week to be in bad shape.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that Ronnie is just a douche. He said that he pulls this shtick and it's even worse than Benjy's. He said that it gets tiresome. Ronnie told him to just turn the show off then.
Another caller asked if the therapist has ever stripped. She said that she has not. She said she's fairly grounded. Ronnie said that she must be too good for them then. She said that everyone has been very good to her and it's been great meeting them all. Howard said that they had a great experience meeting her too.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he worries for Howard. He said that he's normal because of the people he has around him. Howard said that's why he had to stay there working. Howard said he took the job for all of them.
Ronnie asked what Howard would do if he didn't have everyone around him. Howard said he would miss everyone and he'd have a hard time with it. That's what he told Piers Morgan too
Howard wrapped up with Debbie and let her get in a plug for her web site. DrDebbie.com. Howard said that Steve must be happy that he came out where he did. He was going to go to break but he took one more phone call. The caller said that he thinks he has a ticking time bomb with Ronnie there. He asked if she has any results that she can compare to the Unabomber or anyone else. She said she doesn't think that Ronnie is going to be a threat or anything like that. She said that Howard is safe with him.
Robin continued to go off on Howard and accused him of being a master of manipulation. She said that he goes to therapy to learn how to analyze everyone else. Howard said that Robin is jealous. He did an impression of his parents talking about how jealous she is of him. Howard gave Debbie some more plugs and went to break.
- ML: ML: ODB Press Conference - August 15, 2006. 11/27/15. 8:55am
Next on today's Mammary Lane Jon and Gary introduced a segment where Howard played an Ol' Dirty Bastard press conference. Here's my rundown from that day:
Ol' Dirty Bastard Press Conference Uncensored. 08/15/06. 8:05am
Howard had some old uncensored tape of Ol' Dirty Bastard doing a press conference. ODB sounded kind of out of it at the time. He was cursing up a storm and talking about giving to children's charity and ''shit like that.'' He was supposed to be repairing his image at this press conference but he wasn't doing much to repair it.
Howard invited Greg Fitzsimmons to come in and listen to the tape with them. Greg came in a short time later. Howard continued to play the classic audio where ODB continued to curse and make crazy comments about various things. He was wearing a bullet proof vest at the event and told the press that he was scared of the would in general.
Artie said that guy should have been a stand-up comedian with all of the material he had. The press asked him not to curse so much so ODB tried to hold back. Howard said that this was the greatest press conference he ever heard. Gary told him to stick with it because they took a bunch of clips from the upcoming stuff for using on the show. They had the ''nigga please'' clip in there so everyone got a laugh when they heard that.
The CD started to skip around so Howard cut it off and said he never has any luck with CD players. Greg was complaining about the heat in the studio so Howard told the guys to turn it down a couple of degrees. Greg told Howard he shot an episode of Late Show with David Letterman last night and that will be airing on Friday night. He said it went really well too.
Howard asked Greg how he got on Letterman for the first time. Greg said he was booked while he was up at the Montreal comedy festival. He said he's been bumped from Letterman's show on many occasions though. He said he once got bumped for Jack Lemmon but that may have been a good thing because he was scared shitless that night. He said he's done a lot of late night shows but Letterman's show is ''the one'' to do so that one has scared him before.
Greg said that Dave's theater is set up perfect for doing comedy. Howard found out that Ed Norton was on the same show as Greg was so he said that his movie ''The Illusionist'' is great. He said he's been reading good reviews about the movie but Greg thought that it had been getting bashed. Howard said he loved the movie and can't believe it's getting bad reviews. Greg said he just saw the movie ''Little Miss Sunshine'' and it was one of the best movies he's seen in a long time.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who said he just found another AC/DC song with the N-word in it. He said it's in the song ''Kicked in the Teeth'' and Artie said the guy might be right. Artie said that may have been on their first album but Fred was unable to find it in their library. Howard said he had to take a break. Yanni was there waiting to come in. Robin said that Mr. X is a big fan of Yanni and she finds that hard to believe. She said she really dislikes him and he actually had John Tesh in his band for a while so he's spawned even more bad music.
Howard was singing along to some of Yanni's music about him banging Linda Evans. Gary came in and asked Howard if they could go to break and bring Yanni in. He said Yanni was out there listening to all of this stuff and he seemed to be a little afraid that they were going to lose a guest. He said Yanni was laughing at what they were doing but he wanted to bring him in. Howard went to break after giving Greg some plugs for some upcoming shows he's doing.
- ML: Fred's Wedding - July 18, 1994. 11/27/15. 9:10am
Next on today's Mammary Lane Jon and Gary introduced a segment where they talked about Fred's secret wedding. Here's my rundown from a 2013 replay on This Date in Howard History:
TDiHH: Fred's Secret Wedding - July 18, 1994. 07/18/13. 6:30am
Next up on This Date in Howard History they played a segment from 1994 when Howard talked about Fred's secret wedding.
In the clip Howard was talking about how he got the message that Fred got married over vacation. Jackie said he got the call too. Howard said he's not sure why Fred feels he has to call Jackie about that stuff too. Howard said Fred ran off and got married and he gave no consideration to the fact that without him he wouldn't have met his wife. Fred said that's not true.
Howard said that he was thinking about Fred going off like that. Howard asked who was there. Fred said it was very small. He said his mom and dad and his brother were there. Howard asked what day it was. Fred said it was on the 10th. Fred said Alison's family was there too but it was just a few people.
Howard asked Fred if he's having a party. Fred said in October he is. Robin said she won't be there. Fred said that's fine.
Howard said he was thinking about this. He said he and Fred go way back. He said you could say that they don't see each other socially now but you could argue that he's like family. Howard said he did a lot more for Fred than even his parents did. Robin said he didn't give birth though. Howard said that's true. He said he said to his wife that it was very weird that he didn't ask him to the wedding. Howard said he would have been honored to go. Howard said he's known Fred almost 20 years.
Howard asked Gary if he heard about it. Gary said he didn't. Gary said he has a woman on the phone who wants to tell Robin why she wasn't invited. The caller said that Robin has been in love with Fred for years. Howard said she might be on to something there. Howard said he also thinks that Fred is a racist. The caller said the Robin thing is so obvious. She said that she's been listening since she was 13 and she hears Robin talking about Fred in that way. Howard said maybe there is something going on there.
Gary said he's having second thoughts about why he had a wedding. Howard asked Fred where the wedding was. Fred said it was out on the East end of Long Island. He said it was kind of a spur of the moment thing. Fred said his parents came over on the ferry.
Gary said that Fred's cousin was there at the wedding and she's upset that she wasn't mentioned. Fred said that's Alison's cousin. Howard picked up on Judy and asked if she's upset. Judy said that she was there but she's not upset. She said she drove 3 hours there and 3 hours back and it was a lovely wedding. Judy said her husband was there too. She said that Fred told him about everyone who was there except for them.
Judy said that Fred got married on the beach. He was wearing a black suit with a multi-colored shirt. She said that Alison was wearing a lovely dress. She said it was off white. Judy said it was very nice.
Howard asked if Fred was wearing shoes. Fred said he was. Howard said it's kind of weird that he and Robin weren't invited. Judy said that she doesn't even know Howard and Robin. Howard said she must listen. Judy said she doesn't listen every day. Howard said he loves that. He said she just said she's listening but she doesn't listen to the show. Howard said she does listen. Judy said she listens but not every day.
Howard said she's a yenta. Judy said she's not a yenta and Alison doesn't have any Yentas in her family. Robin asked if they had Cookie Puss as the wedding cake. Judy said it was a lovely wedding. Howard said this woman is more important to Fred than they are. Judy said of course she is. Howard said that she didn't take her around to find his first apartment.
Howard asked how old Judy is. She said she's a grandmother. Howard asked how her body is. She said it went a long time ago. Howard said Fred told him if he had his way at the wedding he would have gagged her. Robin asked if there were tears at the wedding. Judy said there were some. She said Alison's grandmother said ''It's about time'' after they were married.
Howard said that he would have spent a lot on a gift for Fred if he had invited them. Robin said she's not going to get him anything now. Gary said they have to get him something. He asked if Jackie got him anything. Jackie hadn't gotten anything yet.
Howard let Judy go after she said she had to get going. Howard told her to stay on the rest of the show. He was joking around about that.
Howard said Jackie got the call because he's a complainer and he would turn people against you if you didn't tell him. Howard said that's why he gets calls. Gary asked why he called Jackie. Fred said that Alison has a relationship with Nancy so that's why. Howard said he doesn't believe that. Howard asked Jackie if he knew that. Jackie said of course he did.
Robin said that Fred sees her every day and he didn't call her. Fred didn't have an explanation for that.
Fred's new wife Alison called in. Howard and the guys were all doing their impressions of Jackie and goofing on him about how he got married. Howard asked Alison why they did things the way they did. Alison said that Jackie eloped in Hawaii and they eloped on Long Island. Howard asked if she's hyphenated her name. Alison said she is. Howard said she could combine the names and make it Thoriss. He said maybe it could be Thermos or something like that.
Gary asked Alison if there was ever a doubt that she would get him to the altar. Alison said no. Howard said Fred claims she was the one who didn't want to get married. Howard said he doesn't blame her. He said Fred is weird. Alison said she's weird too. Gary said he thought Fred was the one who wanted to get married but then it flipped as time went on.
Howard said he can't figure out why Jackie got a call and he got a call. Alison said without Howard and Jackie they wouldn't be together. Alison said they didn't want to put Howard out by inviting him to the wedding. Alison asked if he would have shown up. Howard said he would have. He said of course he would have been there. Howard said he's worked with Fred side by side for 20 years. Alison said that they didn't want to bother him. Howard said it wouldn't have been a bother. Howard said it was very considerate of them not to want to bother him but he would have been there.
Howard congratulated Fred and Alison and said he guesses that they'll be having kids soon. He said that is if Fred is compatible with a human. Howard let Alison go a short time later. Howard said that dial-a-date is successful. Gary said this is like the only wedding from it.
- ML: Butt Chug Challenge - May 21, 2013. 11/27/15. 9:45am
Next on today's Mammary Lane Jon and Gary introduced a segment where Richard drank beer through his ass. Here's my rundown from that day:
Richard Tastes Beer With His Ass. 05/21/13. 7:45am
Howard said maybe they should do the beer tasting thing with Richard. Howard said Zach Braff is coming in at 8 so they only have 15 minutes. Howard said Richard seems to think that if he was to try different beer he could tell what it is. Robin said this is just an excuse to have beer poured in his ass again.
Howard said there's an article in the paper about Mary J. Blige owning like 3 million in taxes. He said that they also say that Apple hides money in other countries to avoid paying taxes. Howard said that's legal though and they seem to be able to get away with murder.
Richard came in dressed in his King of the Hill underwear. Howard said that he's only doing this because people loved it last week. Howard said that Richard thinks that he can taste different beers in his ass. Richard said he's curious to find out. Howard said that JD will be pouring the beer in his ass. Richard said he was a good Butt-Tender.
Howard said they got a lot of song parodies about this. He played one ''Drinking From His Poop Shoot.'' Howard said Richard likes being nude. as soon as he heard that Richard pulled down his pants. Howard asked if he's proud. Richard said he has lost some weight and he's proud of his body. Robin said he has a little dick. Howard asked if she really thinks that's true. Howard said he's like half the size of that. Richard said it stretches and yanked on it. Howard asked Robin if she's been with guys much bigger than that. Robin said he's showing now. Will said it is bigger now. Richard said that's because he's looking at Will's ass.
Howard asked what they have to taste today. JD ran down a list of the many beers Richard brought in. He had different tasting beers like banana, pumpkin, coffee and an IPA. Richard said he hasn't done this other than the one time last week. Richard said he has crackers to cleanse his palate after each beer. Howard said they don't have to do that.
Howard played the bad song parody about Richard drinking with his ass as he was getting into position. Howard said Richard's asshole is up in the air. He asked Will if he's smelly. Will said it's better today but still disgusting. Howard told JD to pour the beer. JD said it's grosser than it was last time. He said he looks like he has two assholes. Richard said he has a Siamese twin down there.
Richard said he has a camera right above his asshole today. Will said he has a piece of skin there that looks like a tongue. Richard said it might be from aggressive wiping. Howard took a closer look at it and then got to the tasting.
Howard said if you do something like this it can kill you. He said Richard will only be sipping the beer. Howard had JD pour the first one. JD gave him a pour and spilled. Howard said he's using a cup so it's harder to do than with the bottle. Richard guessed it was the bourbon barrel aged beer. Howard said he's 100 percent correct. Howard asked how he knew that. Richard said it has a feel and it burns. He said it felt like a higher alcohol percentage.
Howard had JD pour the next one. Richard guessed it was a dark beer. He was right again. He said he felt th head on the beer. He said he felt that hit his ass cheeks.
Howard had JD pour the third one. Richard said that was a lighter ale. He said he's going to guess it's the IPA. Howard said he's right again. Howard said he's 3 for 3. Richard said he's feeling great but he's not buzzed yet.
Howard had JD pour the fourth beer. Richard said he thinks that this was the banana bread. Howard said he's wrong. It was pumpkin. Richard said that's his favorite one too.
Howard had JD give him one more. Richard said it was the coffee beer. He was right. Howard had JD pour some banana bread beer in there too. Richard took a sip in his ass. Richard said he has had a banana in his ass. Howard said he only got one wrong out of 6.
Richard said the beer didn't come out last time. He said this feels good too. Howard wondered if Zach Braff would want to pour some beer in there. Howard said maybe he will come in and do that. Richard said he is a big fan of the show. Gary said that Zach is going to take a pass on that. Howard said he's going to pass too.
Richard stood up and then got down and started licking up the beer off the floor. Howard asked why he did that. Richard said he did it as a goof.
Richard said he has a little buzz but not as big as the last time. He said maybe next time they can try this with wine. Howard said he proved Robin wrong today. Richard said this was his revenge for her saying he has a little dick. Howard said he's not that little. Robin said he probably can't even satisfy a woman with that thing. Howard said people can die from doing this so don't try it at home. Howard said you're a loser if you do.
Richard said that Benjy wanted to grow a plant in his ass. He said he's willing to try it. They were going to try growing bamboo in there. Benjy said it might take a couple of years to get a root system going. Howard said that's ridiculous. They went to break a short time later.
- ML: Reporter Falls - April 29, 2004. 11/27/15. 10:00am
Next on today's Mammary Lane Jon and Gary introduced a segment where Howard discovered a tape of a woman who fell out of a grape stomping barrel. Here's my rundown from that day:
Various Email And Cabbie Calls In. 04/29/04. 6:45am
Howard said there is a clip going around the internet (EbaumsWorld.com) that's pretty funny. A news report was being done about wine making and while they're showing a woman stomping grapes, she falls and makes some really weird noises. She's was moaning and saying she couldn't breathe. Howard was laughing at the anchorman who really didn't know what to do. Howard said the woman who was stomping the grapes was up in a barrel and fell on the ground from a distance. Howard liked the sounds she was making so they'll take that clip and save it for future use.
- ML: Martine Rothblatt - March 1, 2007. 11/27/15. 10:10am
Next on today's Mammary Lane Jon and Gary introduced a segment where Howard interviewed the inventor of Sirius radio, Martine Rothblatt. Here's my rundown from that day:
SIRIUS Satellite Radio Inventor Martine Rothblatt Visits. 03/01/07. 8:15am
Howard came back from break and said he was out in the halls one day and met this guy who invented satellite radio. He said he was in a dress so he kind of wondered what was going on. It turns out Martine Rothblatt is a transsexual. Howard thought he was wearing a dress that day but Martine came in and said that he wasn't. Howard explained who this woman is and how she invented the whole satellite radio thing. Then he got into a discussion about how he married a woman and he's still with her even after he had the sex change operation.
Martine said that she loves her wife and she will love her forever. He has never had a man inside of her and she has no desire for that. Howard asked her how often she has sex. She said she's not sure his listeners want to hear that and didn't answer.
Martine said that she was a very regular kid and never thought this stuff would happen. He said that he did see that satellite dishes were going to get smaller and smaller and eventually fit on the roofs of cars though. He did pretty well in school but didn't get super great SAT scores or anything like that. Howard said she figured out that she could create small satellite dishes that could fit on the roofs of cars. That eventually led to her creating SIRIUS satellite radio which was the first satellite radio company. He said that he used to do other things like tracking trucks with satellite and stuff like that.
Martine said that the dream started when he went to meetings where he'd tell these people that they could do this whole satellite thing but he was told to go away because it was going to be an impossible thing to do. He eventually found a guy who believed in what he wanted to do. He said he told this guy that they could spread their music out throughout the country if they went with the satellite thing. That led to them starting a satellite company back in the 1980s. That was called PanAmSat and it was eventually bought for several billion dollars.
Howard said that Martine was able to figure out the way they could have the satellites doing a figure 8 up in the sky so they could keep the signal going with cars driving around. He said he came up with that after thinking about satellites all the time. Martine said he came up with the SIRIUS thing and tried to get that up and running but he ran up against the NAB and they were actually calling him the anti-Christ and saying that they couldn't do this whole thing.
Martine said that the NAB has been trying to stop satellite radio for over 20 years now. They're the ones with the monopoly. He was also saying that they have a better technology than XM does and he thinks that they have better radios than XM does. He said that he's very happy with where SIRIUS is now and he's very happy with what Howard has done with the service.
Howard said this was like meeting Marconi for him because if satellite wasn't around, he probably wouldn't be in the business. He said he's flourishing there and he loves being part of something from the ground up. He asked him what his production is with the XM/SIRIUS thing. Martine said that she thinks that the merger will go through and it's stupid to have both services.
Martine said that the money he got from SIRIUS helped him create a cure for a problem that his daughter had. He said he started the company after the satellite radio thing and he had to do that and they've saved thousands of lives because of that. He had his daughter there with him and Howard heard that she was pretty hot too.
Artie said that this story is fascinating to him. He wondered if he had a Howard Stern in mind when he created the whole satellite thing. Martine said that you do need content and not just music. He said that it's great not to be censored and to be able to listen across the country. Howard told Martine that he loves him and really loves that he created this whole thing. Howard asked her if he's still an owner in the company. She said she is and owns a lot of stock. It's not worth a lot right now but she does own a lot. She said she sold off a majority of the ownership to start the company that saved her daughter's life. That company is United Therapeutics.
Martine said that she's had some interesting reactions to her when she walks into meetings and stuff. Howard said that Tim Sabean warned him the first time he was going to meet her. He said he didn't care what was up with her, he just had to meet the person who created the whole thing. Howard got into the sex change thing and asked her about that a little bit. He wanted to meet his wife and daughter after that.
The guys brought in Martine's wife and daughter. While they were coming in Martine was talking about how great his family is. Her daughter came in and said that she calls Martine her dad still, she only has one mom. Artie and Howard said that she was beautiful too. Bina, Martine's wife, was also there so Howard talked to her about staying with Martine even after the sex change thing. They spent a short time on that and Howard asked the daughter if she wonders what her parents do in the bedroom. She said she doesn't think about that.
Howard said that Martine's daughter's name was Genesis. He spent a little more time talking to her about Martine and how tough it must have been for her to have that going on when she was in school. She said that it started when she was about 10 and people would ask her if she was going to be a man when she grew up. Artie asked where those people are now because she's no man.
Howard took some calls and let some people ask Martine some questions. one guy asked about the streaming video. Martine said that they always had that in mind and they just had to wait for the video compression tech to come to the same point as the audio compression. Some other guys thanked him for what he's created because it makes driving trucks much more enjoyable. One guy said it was actually not that great that he invented truck tracking with satellite because he can't run illegally now.
One guy asked if Martine's fake vagina was as nasty as Siobhan's was. The guys just laughed at that one. Howard talked to Martine about nano-bot technology that she's been working on as well. They spent a couple of minutes talking about that. They were also talking about some other technology where they could possibly download people's thoughts and save them while they repair the brain from Alzheimer's and stuff like that. They were also talking about how that could be used for evil as well though.
The guys asked Martine if he named the company and Irish John asked what name he would like to have if the merger goes through. Martine said that XM would be fine as long as Howard Stern is the most identifiable name on the service. Howard said that Genesis would be a great name as well. They threw out a bunch of names and Martine came up with SM. He liked Genesis because it means ''new beginning.'' Howard asked Genesis if she has a boyfriend and got a no comment. She said that she's actually going through a divorce right now. She's only 22 years old though. Howard found that hard to believe.
Howard wrapped up with Martine and told her that he really appreciates this whole thing because she gave him a future in radio. He said it's very exciting and it's probably just the tip of the ice berg at this point. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
- ML: Stuttering John's Mother-In-Law - December 2, 2002. 11/27/15. 10:50am
Next on today's Mammary Lane Jon and Gary introduced a segment where Howard talked about Stuttering John's mother-in-law. Here's my rundown from that day:
Football Pool Update. 12/2/02. 6:45am
Howard gave a quick rundown of how everyone is doing in the big BetOnSports.com football pool. William ''Refrigerator'' Perry is now in the lead with 6 wins and 4 losses. KC lost this week so he's now 5-5. Jackson Dell'Abate is now 4-5-1 while Dax the Monkey is 4-6. Artie lost again so he's now 2-8. KC believes that Stuttering John jinxed him and that's why he's been losing lately. He said something a few weeks ago that made KC think he jinxed him. John eventually took it back but Howard ended up goofing on him for believing that John has the power to jinx him.
Gary told Howard that he has to talk to John about how he ended up fighting with his mother-in-law over vacation. He was making a toast at their dinner and she interrupted him and said ''You're Drunk!'' in front of the rest of the family. John said stuff like that goes on all the time with her. She apparently told him his dog is too big for the city and stuff like that. John said it's constantly a battle with her. John told Howard about some other stuff that goes on with his mother-in-law. He said he got home on Sunday after doing some comedy gigs out in California and he was pretty worn out. He asked his wife to walk the dog and his mother-in-law told him he should do it. Luckily Suzanna told her to leave him alone because he was tired. Robin was thrilled that this stuff was going on because he's ''trained'' his wife over the years but never worked on her mother. John said this happens every time they're together. This is the same woman who almost caught John pleasuring himself one time. John ended up telling Howard that he's been going to the bathroom in a bottle lately because he doesn't want to walk past his dog. John said the dog wants to go out when he walks past it so he's been pissing in a bottle. He said he went in a Sprite bottle and ended up knocking it over the next morning. During this discussion Artie was doing an impression of what he figured John's mother-in-law sounds like. The guys goofed on John for a while. John said he's been holding off on baptizing his kids in respect to his mother-in-law but now he's thinking of doing it just to piss her off. He said she scammed him and told him that she was going to do this name thing with the kids and it turns out what she did was a Jewish naming ceremony that made them official Jews. John said that the kids are being raised as both Jewish and Catholic but now he's thinking that there's too much Jewish stuff being brought into their lives so he might raise them Catholic.
John told Howard about another fight he had with his mother-in-law when he went over to have dinner one time. He needed to take a shower after a work out but she didn't want him to because dinner was coming soon. Even after the shower the dinner wasn't ready and it turns out she didn't want him to shower because the shower was just cleaned. He said he took his keys and almost left that time.
John asked Fred if he has any of these problems. He said he doesn't have the same problems that John does. He told Howard that he's told his wife that she can raise their new daughter, Tess, Jewish if she wants to. He said he's not a religious guy so he doesn't care either way.
John said his wife and his mother get along most of the time but they have had some conflicts. He said they're able to work things out though. Howard ended up talking about how John can be pretty annoying and he doesn't realize it. Howard said John showered at his place out in the Hamptons while he was staying out there. Howard said his buddy Ralph used to do the same thing to him and he'd tell him to go home to shower because he was only supposed to be there for an hour anyway. Howard had to take another break after this.
- ML: Willie Nelson - May 4, 2010. 11/27/15. 11:10am
Next on today's Mammary Lane Jon and Gary introduced a Willie Nelson interview segment. Here's my rundown from that day:
Willie Nelson Visits. 05/04/10. 7:35am
After the break we heard a Jack and Rod Show bit with Sal and Richard talking to an author who was known as the Queen of Trivia and asking her sexual questions. Fred also played Aerosmith's ''Livin' On The Edge'' as they were coming back.
Howard came back and said that Willie Nelson was there. He said he listens to Coffee House on SIRIUS and whenever they play one of his songs it stops him in his tracks. Howard told Willie he was sick so he didn't want to shake his hand. Howard said he has a cold but Willie didn't care. He shook his hand anyway.
Howard said he loves Willie. Willie said he loves him too. Howard told him that he's blessed with those songs of his. Willie noticed Howard had cut his hair. Willie still had the long pony tail. Howard said that's wife number 5. Willie said he doesn't remember. Howard said he remembers that wife that used to tie him up and beat him in the bed. Willie didn't seem to care about that.
Howard said Willie had been alone from the age of 6 months. Willie has a sister and she remembers their parents. Willis said he got to know them later on in life and they got along well. He said they played music together. Willie said that he knows why they left him when they did. He was raised by his grandmother and his grandfather was a blacksmith. He said that he'd hang out with his grandfather but he died when he was 6. Willie said his grandmother used to make $18 a week working in a cafeteria. He said that she spoiled them rotten when she was raising them.
Howard asked Willie when he started to get famous. Willie said it was probably after he was 19 or 20. Willie used to spoil his grandmother rotten and when his parents came looking for a hand out he didn't give them anything. Willie said that anger works against him and he doesn't like himself when he gets angry. Howard said he read that his kids say that the pot is what calmed him down. Willie said that the drinking really made him angry.
Howard asked about Willie's parents leaving him and what happened when they started coming around. Willie said his parents divorced and they ended up separating so they weren't around. He said that they'd come and visit him at his grandparents house separately. Willie said it didn't bother him because his grandparents were great. He said that his grandmother spoiled them rotten and she was great. Willie said it was probably a blessing in disguise. Howard asked Willie if she saw he was a talent early on. Willie said that she really did. She encouraged them to play early on.
Howard asked when he started writing stuff. Willis said he wrote a poem when he was just 5 years old. Robin asked where this ability comes from. Howard said it's a gift from god.
Howard asked Willie how he's doing with the new wife. Willie said that he's 77 so it's not difficult to stay faithful. He said he and his wife still have some fun trips once in a while. He said that the desire stays the same but the ability lessens. Willie said he loves good looking women so that never goes away.
Howard said he's slowed down a bit but he doesn't have to take Viagra or anything like that. Willie said he has tried it but he doesn't like it. He said his wife doesn't like it either. He said it takes everything out of it because you don't have a choice in it when you get that boner. Howard asked if it hurts when he gets the boner. He said he might have to write a song about that.
Howard asked Willie about dating Amy Irving who married Steven Spielberg. Willie said he did date her. Howard heard that Spielberg stole her away. Willie said he was married at the time so it wasn't a decision for him to make. Howard heard that Willie cried when she was stolen away. Willie said he did love her but she's happy now and he's happy now too. Howard asked if he felt guilty when he was cheating on his wife. Willie said of course he did.
Howard asked Willie about smoking weed and Willie told Howard that he's been using a vaporizer lately so it's not as damaging to his lungs.
Howard asked Willie if he still gets money from that song ''Crazy'' that he wrote. Willie said that it does still bring in money. He said that it's been recorded more than any of his songs and he held on to the rights of the song. Willie said that he had to decide to hold on to the publishing and he had to hold on to them because they're like his children.
Howard asked Willie about how he got into financial troubles. Willie said that his accountants told him not to pay his $2 million in taxes and get into some tax shelters. That led to him getting $32 million behind in taxes. Howard asked if he is settled now. Willie said that he is clear. Howard asked if he's doing the touring because he wants to or because he needs the cash. Willie said he likes doing it and he could retire and be okay.
Howard asked Willie if he lives in splendor. Willie said he has a few nice houses around the country. He said he's doing just fine. Howard asked if he keeps his money in the bank. Willie said he gives some to his wife and doesn't put it in the bank. Howard asked Willie if he's really not putting it in the bank. Willie said he has a management team that takes care of all of that for him.
Howard said Willie has a new album out and he'll play something from it. He said that it's the classic songs that he's put on a CD. The CD is ''Country Music.'' Howard talked to Willie about the movie ''Crazy Heart'' and how similar it was to what he saw going on in the music industry. Willie said it was funny to him actually. Howard said he must be high. Willie was high and said that he had smoked before he came there. Willie was surprised that Howard hadn't smoked.
Howard asked how high he was. Willie asked on a scale of what? Willie said that he would like to be at a 10 on a scale of 10. Howard asked if he doesn't want to be normal. Willie said he smokes to get normal while most people smoke to get high. Howard asked Willie if he can quit. Willie said he has before and he can do that.
Howard said he can't smoke weed. He said he has tried other stuff too but he can't do any of that. Howard asked Willie if he has tried coke. Willie said he did but that's not for him.
Howard said Willie was busted for having pot and mushrooms on him back in 2006. He said he's in his 70s and he's doing stuff that 18 year olds do. Willie said that they had a lot of people on the bus and he's not into mushrooms so they weren't even his.
Howard asked Willie about the ''Crazy Heart'' movie and how he got this guy T-Bone to produce his album. Willie said he saw the movie and got together with T-Bone and they worked on the album.
Howard said Billy Bob Thornton had that meltdown a few years ago and he was on tour with Willie at the time. Howard said that Billy Bob seems to be nuts. Willie said they're all a little nuts. Howard asked if Billy Bob can play. Willie said that he's a great actor and he thinks that he can act like he's singing and he's pretty good at it.
Howard read that Willie is scheduled to appear with Larry King's wife at a show this summer. Howard asked if he knows what's going on with that chick. Willie said he's heard rumors. Howard told Willie about how the wife was supposedly banging a guy named Hector and Larry was banging her sister. Willie asked ''What's wrong with that?''
Howard said he heard that Willie's wife, Annie, was there. Willie told them to bring Annie in. Howard said he heard that Owen Wilson was staying at Willie's house before he tried to kill himself. Willie said he's friendly with him and some other guys like Woody Harrelson. Howard said he wishes he had friends like that. He said he would love someone like Owen Wilson to stay at his house and then try to commit suicide.
Gary said that Annie doesn't want to come in. He said she does want Howard to know that she is wife number 4 and she's been with Willie for 25 years. She's not number 5 like they said. Howard said even Willie thought she was number 5. Willie told Howard that his wife likes to make pot chocolate candy and it's really good.
Howard asked Willie about Owen Wilson some more and asked if he pretends like it didn't happen when he tried to kill himself. Willie said that they don't talk about it. Robin said that they're doing the same thing with someone from the show. They don't bring it up.
Howard wanted to listen to some of Willie's music. He said that Willie is a legend and wanted to know what it was like. Willie said it ain't bad.
Howard asked Willie if he laughs at the kids today who are using Autotune. Willie didn't even know what the Autotune thing was so Howard demonstrated it. Willie said he had never heard that. Howard asked if he hangs out with guys like Snoop Dogg. Willie said that he and Snoop do hang out but they've probably never had a conversation. Howard figured that because neither of them talk much.
Howard asked Willie what he and his buddies do when they hang out. Willie said he has a nice spot out in the woods where they can do whatever they want to do. He said they hang out by the ocean and play chess, dominoes, poker and things like that.
Howard asked if he watches porn with the guys. Willie said they might make some porn but they don't watch it. He said they have also had some good looking women come over too.
Howard played the song ''Pistol Packin' Mama'' from the new CD ''Country Music.'' Howard said it was no big deal to Willie to do a song like that. It just comes naturally to him.
Howard said Willie has a channel there at SIRIUS called Willie's Place. Willie said that he grew up in radio and he was a DJ for a while.
Howard took a call from a guy who wished Willie a happy belated birthday. Willie couldn't hear anything because his headphones were off. Howard said that he was wondering why Willie wasn't hearing what he was saying during the interview. Gary said that they're supposed to be checked first thing and they're not supposed to be turned off.
The caller asked Willie where he would like to go down in history. Willie said he would consider himself a writer more than anything. The caller agreed.
Another caller asked Willie what he thinks about American Idol and if he would be a guest on the show. He also asked if he was going to perform a song for them. Willie said he's never seen American Idol so he doesn't know much about it.
Howard and the caller asked about Carrie Underwood. Willie said that she's talented but then said that he wouldn't know her if he heard her on the radio.
A caller asked Willie about the kind of pot he smokes. Willie said that the legal stuff is good. He said he's tried some of that in various states. He said that it's the same growers and they know what they're doing. He said the Humboldt County stuff is still very good. He said the stuff in this country is very good. Willie said the stuff in Amsterdam is good too. He said the medical stuff in California is really good stuff too.
Robin asked Willie what the right number of women to sleep with in your life is. Willie wasn't sure what that even meant. Howard explained what he was saying earlier in the morning about A-Rod being pussy obsessed and how he's banging chick after chick. Willie said that he can't imagine what he's going through because he's on a whole other level than he and Howard are. Howard asked how many women he had banged at once. Willie said 84 so Howard asked if he was serious. Willie just said ''No.''
Howard gave Willie some more plugs for his album and talked to him about his kids. Willie said he has like 8 or 9 kids. Howard said he spoke to his daughter when the Barbi Twins called in with her on the line. Howard asked if he really doesn't know how many kids he has. Willie said it's something like that. He said he had a kid turn up a few years ago that he didn't know about and it turned out to be his. He said he has gotten to know this kid and she's not a kid now. He said she's a grown woman with kids of her own. He said she hasn't asked for any money yet but just give it time.
Willie told Howard he was sleeping outside on his ranch one time and he likes to do that once in a while. He said this kid was standing over him and the kid told him he was his son. He was about 18-19 years old. He said he didn't remember the woman who his mother was and he never did find out if it was really his kid. Willie said he gave the kid a couple hundred bucks and sent him on his way. He said he never did find out if it was his. He said he doesn't want to find out either. Howard gave Willie some more plugs and then wrapped up and went to break.
Today's Mammary Lane was over around 11:50am. There was no Wrap Up Show today.
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