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-- Wednesday, March 29, 2017 --

  • Life On The Set Of A Movie. 03/29/17. 7:00am
    Show opening bits and songs included: A phony phone call Richard Christy made to a motel asking to speak to a family member, Daniel Mendelson performing a Baba Booey song parody at the 2014 Howard Stern Birthday Bash, Stone Temple Pilots performing ''Dancing Days'' in the Howard Stern Show studio.

    Howard started the show talking about how he's not in good spirits this morning. He was up at 2 in the morning. He was ready to go to work and that's the worst when he has to be there at 7. He said he tried to go back to sleep but just watched TV. He watched Supergirl and ''Between a Rock and a Hard Place'' with The Rock. Howard said they give these kids a second chance in boot camp and yell at them. He said The Rock says he was a bad ass as a kid and he was sent to jail a few times. He went to boot camp and he got straightened out. Howard said they need to let you get to know the kids a little bit more than they do.

    Howard said he also watched Supergirl and he's angry at himself for that. Howard said it's not that good. He said Supergirl is hot. He said she's hot in a way that you think she's not that hot but she is hot. Robin didn't think she was that hot. Howard said her name is Melissa Benoist and she just left her boyfriend for the guy who plays her boyfriend on the show. Howard said he saw pictures of her frolicking in the ocean with this guy. Howard said he wondered why the guy had to get dumped for this guy. Jason said that both of them got out of relationships to date. Howard said they're on a TV show and it's all exciting. Howard said this guy won't be able to keep it up after that show ends. Jason said the guy was dating a girl he met on the set of the last TV show he was on. He said that Melissa's husband was also her co-star on Glee. Howard said that's just not right.

    Robin said everyone doesn't need to be in the perfect relationship of their lives. Howard said he thinks you should stay with that person. Robin said they should tell a lot of other stars that. Robin said on Felicity the star of that show had an affair with a co-star and now she's had a baby with the guy she co-stars with on The Americans.

    Howard said you fall in love on the set of a movie. He said that's what happened when he did Private Parts. Howard said it's so great to be on the set of a movie. Robin said Howard had a nanny there. Howard said she had a diaper bag with everything he needed. Howard said he'd say he felt drained and she'd take out something to wipe him down with. He said she had a cool cloth in there. Robin said it was like a halter. Howard said it was so awesome. Robin said she was a sweet girl. Howard said she was great. He said he should have Gary carry a diaper bag for him. He told Gary to go out and get one and load it up with things he might need. Robin said she remembers one day Howard was hot and she whipped out a fan out of that bag.

    Howard said there were hot girls around on the set too. He said the makeup girls were hot. He said you can have anything you want on the set of a movie. He said you believe you can have anything you want. Robin said they built him an apartment on the set. Howard said he was living there and shortly after that he was divorced. Howard said the guy who sat outside his door there on the set ended up writing a big movie. He said that was Eli Roth. He said it was crazy.

    Howard said you get sucked into this life where you think your shit doesn't stink. He said what he wants is to be treated like a baby. He said he should have done that and hired someone to walk around with a diaper bag.

    Howard said he has been offered other movies. He said he knows it won't be like it was when he was doing his own movie. He said if he does another one it won't be that great. Robin said he might have to find his own dressing room. Howard said at America's Got Talent he got a lot of treatment. He said he had a lot of that. He said if you're there and they're pushing you around in a baby stroller with a diaper bag the world isn't going to be like that.

    Howard said if he told the real story of his life that shows how warped things are from being famous people wouldn't believe it. He said they're some fucked up stories. He said it really is crazy. He said he'll never tell those stories. He said he has 3 daughters that keep him level headed and sane. He said the most normal thing on the set was Jenna Jameson walking around naked at the Craft Services table. Howard said he let her cut in front of him. He said when she looks that good it's just crazy. He said that was the most normal thing.

    Gary said he was there one day when she was wearing a kimono and she left it open asking people how she looked.

    Howard said you get that treatment and you start to feel that the bad feelings inside are wrong and maybe you are special. He said it makes you cuckoo. Howard said it is something great.

    Howard said he got some good treatment on the set of America's Got Talent. He said he has seen some people take advantage of that and they have no right to do it. Howard said there were some people there like that. He said they were pulling bullshit. He said they weren't that famous anymore and they should get a grip. Robin said that you shouldn't be grinding people under your heel.

    Howard said no one there at the radio show kisses his ass. He said there's no worry about that. He said he has to work with Benjy.

    Howard said that they were talking about Russell Crow yesterday and how he had gained weight. One of the fans went to him trying to start shit saying that he was goofing on the guy. Howard said Russell wrote something back in the tweet and said that he can bench press young Howard and Howard can't say the same. He said he found that funny.

  • Howard's Story About Making A Girl Cry. 03/29/17. 7:20am
    Howard said he was reading about this Melissa Benoist and she was wearing a giant bikini thing. He said it has those mom underpants looking thing. He said she's a little young for that. Robin said maybe she didn't know that he was going to see that. Howard said she knew. Howard said he was a little disappointed in that. Howard said he got annoyed that she fell for her co-star on that show. Robin said he should think that's a stupid thought and he should get out of his head. Howard said that's what his psychiatrist says too. He said he never gets that far. Howard said he was super annoyed at Supergirl.

    Howard said he thinks that chick is super hot. Robin said maybe that's like a retro bikini. Howard said his wife wears a bikini and there's practically nothing on. He said that's a bikini. He said that's what the guy who designed the bikini had in mind. Robin said that's not what he had in mind. Howard said Supergirl doesn't need a momkini.

    Jason came in and said this thing is driving him crazy too. He said she doesn't belong with this guy. Jason said that she can do better. Jason said their chemistry on screen is really good and you can tell they were dating before they announced it. Howard said he likes that the sister of Supergirl is a lesbian. Howard said they should be fingering each other on the show. He said he wonders what they're doing in bed. Jason said they were in her apartment in the latest episode and he was just wondering what's going on in that bed. Robin said it's a TV show so nothing is going on.

    Howard said he watched Ellen's show and she wonders what she's up to with Portia. Howard said it's getting creepy talking about this with Jason. Robin said it sounds like the two of them aren't getting any. Howard said he and Beth did it a lot over vacation. Howard said she was very much into him over vacation. He said he was very attentive. He said it paid off in spades. Howard said she barely cried during sex. Robin said that's so sweet. Howard said it wasn't the bucket of tears he's used to. He said that actually only happened once to him back in high school. He said this chick was so hot. He said she was movie star hot. Howard said it was like he was in a dream. He said he's tried to see what she looks like now but he can't find her on Facebook. Howard said he only banged her once. Howard said they got high in his garage and he made her a Whisky Sour in the garage. He said he had to make sure his parents didn't find out he was smoking weed.

    Howard said his mom got a job and he met this super hot chick. Howard said she was blond with big titties. He said she had blonde pubes. He said that was real too. He said that she was so hot. He said she didn't go to his high school so she didn't know he was a loser. Robin asked how he met her. Howard said he met her at a party. He said he thinks she thought he was a drug dealer and she was turned on by that. He said no one was able to alert her that he was a douche because she didn't go to his school. He said he had douche written all over him though.

    Howard said this was one of his best nights and it was one of her worst nights. Howard said there were two girls and both were hot. He said they were fighting over him at the party. Howard said imagine that. Robin laughed. Howard said they were fighting and he wondered what fucking planet he was on. Howard said he looks like a bug. He has no idea how that happened. Howard said he had only gotten laid once at this point. He said he had to choose from the two girls and this is the one he chose. Howard said he tired to impress her by putting on some Neil Young. He said they started to mess around and he realized he was going to bang the hottest chick ever. Howard said she had a blonde bush and it was so cool. He said no one shaved like they do now.

    Howard said he knew he was supposed to go down on the girl but he didn't know what he was doing. He said they had a small discussion and he put on a condom and came as he was going in. He said he told her maybe they shouldn't do this and she agreed. Then she started crying saying she misses her boyfriend. She wanted to call him in college in another state. Howard said he was freaking out his dad was going to see that. He said he told her to maybe call when she gets home. Howard said he drove her home after that.

    Howard said he shot his load in about 3 seconds. He said after that each situation was worse than the next. He said he convinced himself that girl was crazy. He said she was talking about her boyfriend in front of him.

    Fred had Neil Young playing so Howard talked about how great he is. He said he loves everything Neil did. Howard said he has a reaction to this song. He said he cums every time he hears it. He said she almost ruined that song for him.

    Howard said you get older and you realize that the nightmare will be over soon. He said he has that to look forward to. He said maybe there's something after this.

  • Howard And Fred's Hit Song? 03/29/17. 7:30am
    Howard said he had a bunch of meetings there yesterday. He said they have some plans for some stuff. Howard said he pitched an idea for Jeff the Drunk and everyone seemed to like it. He said if you don't like something then you get fired so of course they all liked it. Howard said they actually do tell him he has bad ideas if he does.

    Howard said he's writing a new song with Fred. He said they're seriously writing a hit song. Fred said he's not sure it's a hit. He said he was talking about how he thinks he could have a hit song if he did it like the song Funky Cold Medina. Howard said he told Fred to go home and write a song like that. Fred said they should call Young MC because he wrote that for Tone Loc. Howard asked what ever happened to that guy. Robin said he produces a lot now.

    Howard said Fred sent him a song in the email and it's pretty good. Howard said Fred wrote some words but he doesn't want that stuff about him being King of All Media. Howard said he wants it to be something else. Howard said he's taking Fred's music and he'll write the lyrics. Howard said he was sitting and thinking but nothing was happening. He said he was so desperate for lyrics that he became jealous of Beetlejuice. Howard said Beet is a better writer than he is. Howard said he just sings about ''Kango in the jango'' or something. He played one of Beet's songs. Howard said he's so free with his lyrics. Howard said that's what he should be able to do. He said he's too uptight to write that stuff.

    Howard had another Beetlejuice song where he sings about getting his dick sucked. Howard said he was writing stuff for Fred's music. Fred played some Beetle's music and Howard got pissed about John Lennon getting killed by that dick head. Howard said he's mad at John for not doing the show. Howard said that asshole Mick Jagger should do the show too. He said he should come in there and talk about music. Howard told him to come in there, stupid. He said he loved that story Craig Ferguson told about saying ''You're adorable'' when he met Mick for the first time. Howard said Mick can come in there any time but he's just being a shit.

    Howard said he sat with Fred's music and came up with a little something. He said he told Fred what they're going to have to do is sit in the same room. Howard said he might have to just riff. Howard said it might not be worth it if he has to do that with Fred. Howard said they're going to jam a little bit. Howard said maybe he doesn't want a hit song.

    Gary said John Oates was on the Wrap Up Show yesterday. He said he was talking about how he could write a song with Howard in 30 minutes if he comes up with a title. Howard said he's saying if he has a title he'll help him with it? Gary said he said he could have a song for him in 30 minutes if he comes up with a title. Howard asked if John can play drops so he can get rid of Fred.

    Howard said that's an enticing deal. He asked if he wrote with Daryl Hall. Gary said he did. Howard said he thought that Daryl said he wrote most of that stuff. Howard said he's confused. Howard said they're touring with Tears for Fears this summer. Howard said he likes those guys. He said he may not take him up on that offer though. He said that style may not work for him. He said he may have to work with someone else. Howard said he'll never forget when he had Papa John Phillips on the show and Steven Tyler was on the same day. Howard said John had written some part of Kokomo and Steven Tyler said to John that they should write a song together and John said ''No, I don't think so.'' Howard said that guy was out of his fucking mind.

    Howard said he was sitting and giggling at his computer yesterday. He said he was working on his song and he did write some parts for it. Then he realized it was part of anther song. He said he came up with it but it was another song. Howard said it was coincidence though. He said he was at the computer for 3 hours trying to come up with something. He said it was all trite.

    Howard asked Steve Brandano if he has the lyrics that he sent him. Gary said he's not in the office this second. Howard said he was journaling for a few days and he one of his morning pages was lyrics to a song. Howard said it was very heavy. He said maybe he could jam those into this riff that Fred wrote.

    Howard asked if Will read the song. Will said he hasn't read it in a while. He said he remembers it being dark though. Howard said it's about OCD. He said the song is called OCD actually.

    Steve Brandano came in and said he can see it working with a dark group. Steve said some group like Nine Inch Nails. Howard said maybe he should send them to Trent and have him write a song. Howard said this is a very heavy song he's written. Howard asked if they're still making music. Steve said they're on tour this year actually.

  • Jeff The Drunk Calls In. 03/29/17. 7:45am
    Howard said he was talking to Jeff the Drunk yesterday about this idea he has for him. He said now Jeff is going to call in every day asking when it's going to happen. Howard said it's a long way off. Howard had Jeff on the phone and Jeff asked why he told him to keep his calendar open. Howard said he was joking because he has no calendar. Howard asked what he has going on. Jeff said he has a birthday and he might be going somewhere. He said he's going away in July too. Robin said that's when they were going to do it. Jeff said he might be going away in August. Howard said it will probably be in the fall so he doesn't have to worry.

    Shuli came in and said that Jeff calls him every day. He said he's also on the offensive with the trolls lately too. Jeff said he doesn't call every day. Howard asked what's going on. Shuli said he's looking to get a private investigator to look into the trolls. Howard asked Jeff what he's going to do with that information. Shuli said there are people who email him and tell him what they're going to do and it's fucked up shit. He said they're sending in the cops and people around him where he lives. Howard said Jeff is going to get someone to do the same to them and turn the tables on them. Shuli said he's going to see what their employers think of what they're doing. Jeff said they're harassing him and it's not right. He said he's just going to give their information to the authorities.

    Shuli said the big hit he took recently was this pizza place he gets stuff from. He said he thought the trolls had nixed this one outlet that was bringing him stuff. Jeff said things are fine there now. Jeff said Shuli is fucking things up as always. Shuli said he told him that the pizza place thing was fucked up. Jeff said he did.

    Howard said he has a guy named Dick Daniels on the phone who is a private investigator. Howard took the call from one of the guys in the back playing the role. Dick said he can help Jeff out with the trolls. He said he'll do whatever it takes to help him out. Howard said Jeff hung up as soon as he took the call. He spent a minute talking to Dick about what he's willing to do for Jeff.

    Howard said Jeff is back. He picked up and Jeff said fuck this guy. Howard said his name is Dick Daniels. Jeff asked ''What the fuck Howard?'' Jeff hung up again a few seconds later. Dick had some lounge music playing behind him. Howard asked if Jeff was there. Jeff was gone. Dick said this is a waste of his time.

    Howard said he heard that Jeff is wearing his Superman t-shirt this morning. Howard said he loves how Jeff calls and then hangs up. Robin said he gets so offended.

    Howard said Jeff is back. He picked up again and said that he has to describe his dick to get Dick to work with him. Dick said he had trolls but he got rid of all of them. He said he just has to suck his dick. He said they can 69. Jeff asked Howard what the fuck he's doing. Dick said Jeff just has to lick his taint and balls. He said he can pay him with Jizz. Jeff said this is almost as stupid as the Richard Simmons bit. Jeff told Dick to start with Shuli and fuck him. Jeff and Dick went back and forth for a short time. Howard let Dick go a short time later.

    Howard said they got a new phone system that just doesn't work. He tried hanging up on Dick but he hung up on both of them. Howard said they have to get that working. He said it's fucking him up. He said he's not sure what was wrong with the old system. He said he could work it. Howard did a live commercial read and then went to break.


  • On Air Screw Ups And More. 03/29/17. 8:05am
    After the break Howard came right back and asked where they were. Robin said they just finished with Jeff. Howard said he makes a big deal about his birthday. He said he's 50 years old and he should get over that. Howard said Gary gets really worked up over Jeff. He said he has no reason to want to get a job because of the support he gets. Howard said they had a whole debate about whether or not he should work. Gary said he likes Jeff but he chooses not to work. He said Jason said he could never live like that but Jeff seems perfectly happy not working. Gary said Gary the Conqueror works every day. Howard said he does work. Gary said he's a very good worker too.

    Howard said speaking of Gary the Conqueror they called him with their Wendy impersonator (Rachel Butera) and tried to find out if he wanted to have phone sex. Howard played the clip and Wendy said she wanted to have phone sex with Gary. Gary told her to take her diaper off. Gary said he was outside so he can't do the same thing. He said she's a sick mother fucker. He called her a dumb shit too. Gary told her to get her mind out of the gutter and hung up.

    Robin wondered why he objects to her so much. Howard said he has a problem with her. Robin said he calls her a retard too so that's not right.

    Howard said he has a guy in Baltimore who said ''cock'' instead of clock. He said he loves it. Howard played the clip where the sports guy screwed that up. Howard said he can tell the guy slipped earlier and he really made it worse when he slipped up later. Howard said you get in your head and it really fucks you up.

    Howard said Chris Hayes on CNBC said ''Under cunts'' instead of undercuts. Howard played that clip and then one where a guy said ''shit'' on the air. He said he was goofing around and he may have thought he wasn't on the air. Gary said he was on skis and he was goofing around and fell so that's why he said shit. Howard wondered how the guy got the ''under cunt'' thing wrong. Howard said that's something Ronnie would talk about. He and Fred did their impressions of Ronnie talking about the best part being the under cunt.

    Howard said this military guy said ''smite fart'' instead of fight smart when he was on the air. Howard said they're so childish around there that alarms go off in JD's office when someone says fart on the air. Howard said JD is just sitting there waiting for someone to say fart of cunt. Howard said it's a crazy club house working there. He said it must be what it was like working with National Lampoon. He said maybe he should name his song ''Smite Fart.''

    Howard said it's crazy around there because Richard and Sal are making phony phone calls and Benjy is in the bathroom measuring his cock.

    Howard said he has a phony phone call and he played it for Beth and her eyes glazed over. Howard said she got bored within 15 seconds. Howard said they had Caitlyn Jenner call into a religious radio show and Beth got bored by it. Howard said he couldn't believe it. Robin asked if they have the same sense of humor. Howard said sometimes they do. Howard said he's really into her though. He said maybe you shouldn't have the same sense of humor. He said maybe opposites do attract. Howard said he thinks Will the Farter is the funniest thing they do on the show. Robin said there are funnier things. She said he is always funny though. Howard said what he does is great. He said he's on the verge of shitting all the time. Howard said there's no way he and his wife have the same sense of humor. He said she'd be disgusted. Howard said when Sal and Richard pretend to blow each other in front of Tan Mom that's the funniest thing ever.

    Howard played the phony phone call he was talking about. They had fake Caitlyn Jenner call into this religious radio show and he told them about her sex change operation. The host didn't want this in her show so she tried to get fake Caitlyn to hang up. Caitlyn kept going with the stories about tucking her penis and things like that. They eventually hung up on her.

    Howard said that's what he wanted to share with his wife and she didn't want to hear it. Robin said maybe it was too much build up for her. Howard said that's Kyle Dunnigan doing the Caitlyn voice. Howard said that was beautiful. He said it doesn't get better than that. He said he told her that she has to listen to that. Robin said he should have told her that the big line was coming.

    Howard said they got into a big argument when Melissa asked him to speak at Joan Rivers funeral. Howard said he was knocking his head against the wall and then he came up with saying that Joan had a very dry vagina. He said Beth told him he can't do that. Howard said she told him not to do it. Howard said when he did it at the funeral she told him it was more fun. Howard said they don't share the same sense of humor but it doesn't slow him down. Howard said he likes being with her.

  • Sean Spicer, Bill O'Reilly And More. 03/29/17. 8:20am
    Howard said Beth is on a mad tear with the dog eating festival that's going on. Robin said she forgot to sign the petition. Howard said he thinks it's still up on He said that they torture the dogs and then eat them over in China. Howard said they have a whole petition going. Howard said they're doing it through the North Shore Animal League he thinks. He said just go sign it.

    Howard said this guy Sean Spicer seems to be having a meltdown. Robin said he has a weird line on his lip and the makeup doesn't go in there so he has this line there. Robin said he must get powdered down. Howard said it would be funny if they fired 50 makeup artists. Fred said they catch him with spinach stuck in his teeth. Howard said something he has learned is that he uses these The Doctor's Brush Picks to pick his teeth. Howard said he uses them after every time he eats. He said he picks out all kinds of crap after he eats. Howard said he uses about 4 or 5 a day. He said he's constantly picking his teeth. He said his father was asking him why he does that. He said his father did it too and that's where he learned it. Howard said his father criticizes him over it though.

    Howard said these picks do great. He said Sean Spicer should do the same. He said he had spinach between his teeth. Robin said he couldn't have known it wasn't there. Robin said it was huge. Howard said the people he works with must hate him. He said they should have told him.

    Howard played a clip of a spokesperson speaking for him. They made up this bit where people ask this guy questions about Howard's hair, Benjy's ban and the spokesperson spins it all.

    Robin asked who the spokesperson would be if he had a scandal. Howard said it won't be Fred for sure.

    Howard said that Sean Spicer really does seem like he's having a meltdown. Howard said he used to play the White House Easter Bunny. He said he looks like the kind of guy who has been beaten up. He said yesterday a black reporter was shaking her head and Sean told her not to shake her head at his answers. Howard said Bill O'Reilly thinks he's a comedian because he hangs out with Dennis Miller. He said he goes on the other shows at FOX News and he changes into this fun guy on the other shows. Howard said he goes on tour with Dennis Miller and he thinks Bill thinks he's funny now. Howard said he's on FOX and Friends and they showed Maxine Waters and Bill said that it's hard to pay attention to her because she's wearing a James Brown wig. Howard said he must be looking for laughs but he thinks now he's going to cut back on the comedy Bill O'Reilly.

    Howard asked if anyone has been to the Dennis Miller and Bill O'Reilly show. He said he gets why Dennis would go on the road but not Bill. He said he heard Bill has a prop crate like Carrot Top. Howard said at the end he smashes a watermelon and pretends it's Maxine Waters' head.

    Howard said Bill O'Reilly is all charming on other shows. He said he goes on The View and charms all of the ladies. Howard said he's Stand Up Bill on those shows. Howard said on his own show he's more serious.

    Howard said Bill was all arrogant talking about Maxine and her wig. Howard said that he's no treat when you see him. He said there's a reason he can't hold on to a woman. Howard said O'Reilly has a lot of money and he can't be getting a lot of pussy. He said he bets the guy didn't get any until his late 20s. Howard said he thinks he was a virgin until his late 20s. He said the guy thinks he's a stand up and he's not. Fred said that Maxine is 78 years old so a wig isn't that crazy.

    Howard asked JD if he has the clip of bill talking about Maxine. JD said he'll have it in a minute. Howard had it a short time later. Howard played the clip and Maxine was talking about something and Bill said he couldn't hear what she was saying because of that James Brown wig. One guy laughed. Bill was trying to joke around about how he loves James Brown and he's not saying she's not attractive. Howard said he's not Dennis Miller so stop it. He said just be that serious conservative guy. Robin said pretend you're not spinning things.

    Howard said this is when he's funny. He played a clip of Bill freaking out on the set of Inside Edition from many years ago when he said ''We'll do it live! Fuck it!... Do it live... Fuckin' thing sucks!'' Howard said that's when Bill is funny. Howard said he has the charm of a tarantula. He said that bit is called ''We'll do it live: The Tantrum.'' Howard said that was from Inside Edition when he was the host of that. Howard said he's pretty sure he'll cut out the stand up now. Howard said he should limit himself to that half hour show he does. Robin said she thinks it's an hour. Robin said that's what happened when you're not a funny man and you make a joke.

    Howard said he has to take a break. He said he has a Lenny Dykstra April Fools day message for Robin. Howard played the clip and Lenny was thinking about how he didn't want to eat Robin's pussy. Then he said ''April fools!'' Lenny said he needs to eat that pussy. Howard said he fell for it. He said then he said he was just kidding and it's April Fools. Howard said he's always pulling that.

    Howard said speaking of Sean Spicer he has a blooper from him. He said it sounded like he was saying Genitals instead of generals. Howard played the clip and it did sound like he said ''He's talking to his genitals...''

    Howard played another clip of a news reporter saying ''Attorney Genital'' in a newscast. Howard said you'd think they'd go back and fix that. Howard said he wants to know how guys like that get that big voice. He said it's kind of incredible. Howard replayed the clip and the guy's name was Ross Simpson and he had that really deep news voice. Howard tried to do that voice and talked about the ''genital attorney.'' Howard said if you say that his staff will find it eventually. He said we're too smart for you. Howard played the clip again and pointed out that the guy said it twice and no one even cares. Howard said they just put it out there and don't worry about it.

    Howard said when those guys have that voice you're lulled into it. He said no one is even listening. Robin said that's what Vin Diesel's voice is like. Howard played the clip again and said that the guy said ''Attorney Genital'' twice. Howard said maybe he is an attorney genital. Howard wondered if that guy talks like that all the time. He said it's a very special way of talking. He said there are some guys who do talk like that all the time.

    Howard kept playing the Ross Simpson clip over and over and tried talking like the guy. He said it's amazing he ever got a job in radio. He did a live commercial read and then went to break.


  • Chuck Berry Tribute. 03/29/17. 8:50am
    After the break Howard came right back and said he can't believe Garry Shandling is dead. He said that's such a blow. Robin said she was watching the Dave Chappelle stand up and he says something about Garry at the end of the show. Howard asked if it was something nice. Robin said it was. She said he had some stuff about Bill Cosby in his act too.

    Howard said he didn't know why the obits about Chuck Berry mentioned how he invented ''the double stop.'' Howard said he didn't know what that was. He said it turns out that it's where he hits two guitar strings at once that doubles the note. He said he's seen Keith Richards talk about that. He played a clip where you can hear it. Howard asked Fred if he does that. Fred wasn't there. Howard said he went to the bathroom. Howard said that's the first time he's called on him in 6 months and he's not there. Howard said Fred has to go to the bathroom during the show because he has to run the commercials. Fred came back and said Howard described the double stop right and he does do that too. Howard said that's enough of Fred.

    Howard said Chuck grew up in St. Louis. He said he went to reform school for armed robbery. He also worked at a hair salon. He said he'd like to see the place that hired an armed robber. Robin said they may not have had background checks back then.

    Howard read more about Chuck Berry and what he did to change music. Howard said that Chuck also did the duck walk with the guitar. He said that was kind of cool. He said try playing guitar and doing that. Howard said every major guitar player has credited him with some king of inspiration. Howard said some people say Elvis was the first rock star but he wasn't. He said that he was inspired by guys like Chuck.

    Howard played some of Chuck's music. He said he had all kinds of great songs but his biggest hit was ''My Dingaling.'' He said that was just a novelty song. Howard played some of that song.

    Howard said that John Lennon was a big fan of Chuck's and wanted rock and roll to be called ''Chuck Berry.'' Howard said the Beatles first performance in the United States was a cover of a Chuck Berry song. Howard played some of that.

    Howard said his favorite thing was that Mike Douglas put together John Lennon and Chuck Berry. They played ''Memphis Tennessee'' together. Howard said he remembers seeing that and it was so exciting. He said that Mike put them together but Yoko was there doing that screaming that she does. Howard said he wondered if it was a joke. He said if you look at Chuck's face he looks at her like ''Are you serious, bitch?'' Howard played some of that and you can hear Yoko screaming. Howard said Yoko was too crazy for Chuck. Howard said that's love for John. He said he put up with that. He put Yoko on stage with Chuck Berry.

    Howard said the Beach Boys had a hit song called Surfin USA. He said that Chuck was going to sue them because it's basically his song ''Sweet Little 16.'' Howard played the two songs and they were very similar. Howard said he hears the similarities.

    Robin said that's why she asks musicians if they have ever worked on songs that were already written. Howard said Chuck threatened to sue and he got a taste of that. He said he got a writing credit for it. Fred said he thinks he did get a writing credit.

    Howard said Keith Richards loved Chuck Berry too. He said Chuck treated Keith like shit and Keith put up with it. Gary said they almost got into a fist fight in the movie.

    Howard played more of Chuck's music. Howard said he thought the best use of his music was in ''Back to the Future.'' Howard said that was really good. He played a clip from the movie where he played ''Johnny B Goode.'' Howard said they used a Chuck Berry song in Pulp Fiction. He played a clip from that movie too. Howard said that was a great movie. Howard and Robin talked about some of Quentin's movies and how great they are. Howard said sometimes Robin is off on these movies but he's with her on Pulp Fiction.

    Howard said Chuck Berry was tough to work with and Brian Johnson talked about how tough it was when he met Chuck. Howard said Chuck would show up right before the show with his guitar and then he'd split right after. He said he insisted on being paid in cash. He said he'd use local pick up bands instead of having his own band. Howard said Steve Miller and Springsteen backed him up. Howard played a clip of Brian Johnson talking about meeting Chuck Berry. He asked Chuck for an autograph and Chuck said he does one a day and he had already done it. Brian said he was his hero but he was tough to talk to.

    Robin said Chuck was a bitter man. she said he had a rough life and he never got the recognition he thought he deserved. Howard said in 1959 he spent 20 months in prison for taking a 14 year old over state lines. Howard said he also got arrested of income tax evasion. Howard said he was once sued by a woman who accused him of punching her in the mouth. Howard said High Society magazine also printed some pictures of him posing naked with women. He claimed he had to do that to prove they were consenting.

    Howard said Chuck owned a restaurant and they found a camera in the bathroom. He said they found the tapes when there was a drug raid. He said there were a lot of crazy stories about Chuck. He said there was a leaked sex tape that showed him allegedly getting his ass eaten and then he farts in her face. Howard played a clip from that. He said the audio isn't real good but you can hear it. Howard said if a woman was eating his ass he'd never do that. He said she's a nice woman for doing that. He said guys are awful. He said he's not sure how ladies date guys.

    Howard said this guy invented rock and roll and then he's farting in a woman's face. Gary said you can hear him saying ''Give my asshole a kiss...'' Howard said he also pees in a woman's mouth in another tape. Howard played some audio from that leaked tape too. Howard said he's not sure why guys are into that. Robin said when they get angry they humiliate women. Howard said Sal loves pee porn and stuff like that. He said he's angry toward women too.

    Howard said Sal is way into piss porn. Sal came in and said he doesn't hate women. Howard said Sal doesn't enjoy women. Sal said he does love women. Howard said he wrote that song about punching his wife until she shits out her bones. Sal said that was a marriage song, not a women song. Sal said that the baby sitter porn thing is creepy to him. Howard said it's a grown woman play acting. Howard said this is an actual person being peed on. Sal said what Chuck Berry did was wrong. He said he enjoys women who like to get peed on.

    Howard had a tape of this woman Flowers Tushy that Sal likes. He played a clip of the woman talking about how she likes pee dripping down her face. Howard had the song parody that Sal wrote about pissing on a girl. Howard said that was from years ago. Howard said it's all about humiliating women. Howard said Sal leaves some legacy behind with his song parodies. He played his song parody about beating his wife.

    Howard said he wrote that with Ike Turner. Sal said yeah, and then they beat their wives together. Howard said that song parody he wrote is one that OJ wrote him about saying that's his favorite. Sal said his favorite is Photograph.

    Howard got back to Chuck and said that many bands were inspired by the guy so he left his mark on the world. Howard said he has a promo for a new album from Chuck. It was a parody commercial about songs that he had about pissing on women.

  • Sal's Love Of Piss Porn. 03/29/17. 9:15am
    Howard said no one laughs louder at that piss stuff than Sal. Howard asked where he finds pee porn. Sal said he finds it all over but his favorite spot is Howard asked where people should go to get into it. He asked what the best pee porn is. Sal said there are ''two twin sisters'' who get peed on and they're making out with each other. Howard said it's two women who are sisters and they happen to be twins. Howard asked about Dr. Piss. Sal said that's a German porn guy that he's into. Sal said he has these scenarios where he pees on patients and the nurses. He said it's mostly the peeing stuff. He said he's old and heavy too. He said he doesn't like to look at good looking men in porn.

    Howard said someone told him about Sal and how he jerks off on his back with his legs in the air because he likes to fantasize about getting his ass eaten. Sal said that he stayed in the city for the snow storm and he did that in the room. He said the next day they were talking about sleeping and he mentioned how great his jerk off was. Howard asked if he imagined a girl was eating his asshole. Sal said it's the air wafting into his asshole. He said he's never had a girl do that to him before. Howard said his wife isn't going to do that to him. Howard said his wife is with him and they have 3 kids and it's a financial concern. Howard said that if they didn't have kids they'd be divorced. Sal said no. Howard said Beth isn't going to eat his ass. He said his ass is gross. He said he doesn't have to dangle his feet in the air either. He said Sal has that hemorrhoid back there too. He said no girl is going to eat that ass.

    Howard said Sal told them about clamping his pouch closed to catch his cum. Sal said he'd take it and dump it in the toilet. He said once his wife told him to throw out his tissues when he blows his nose. He said it wasn't snot. He said that he jerks off when she sleeps too. Howard said that he had to have Gary throw out his cum tissues. He said that was a bit for the air though.

    Howard said he heard another story about Sal that is so disturbing. Howard asked if his wife caught him on a web cam dressed as a woman. Sal said that was a long time ago. He said this is when web cams first came out. He said that you had to have your wife with you to get a couple to get naked. Sal said that he was going into lesbian chat rooms to see women. He said they'd shut him off. He said that he put a wig on and he got some lesbians to do stuff thinking he was a woman. He said his wife woke up and caught him. He said the computer was in the living room at the time. Howard asked how she stays with him. Howard said if his wife caught him doing that she'd leave him.

    Howard asked Sal if he got yelled at. Sal said she came over and he took off the wig and he punched the camera off the top of the computer. He said he told her he was just having fun with it. He said he might be able to turn it into a bit or something. Howard asked if his cock was out. Sal said it wasn't.

    Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Trump can nuke Sal after he's done nuking China. Howard took another call from a woman who asked if Sal sounds like Ray Romano. Howard said he sounds more like this. He did his impression of Ray. Howard said Sal is creepy though. Howard said for a woman they must be disgusted by all men. the caller said she's not but it reminds her of going to the zoo with her son and all of the animals are trying to get on each other. Howard said he doesn't know one guy who ever used those Times Square booths other than Sal. Howard said they don't have the booths anymore. Sal said they're limited. Howard said Sal wants to fuck Tan Mom too. He used to jerk off the Blue Iris' voice too.

    Gary said Sal asks why he should go to therapy for this. He said meanwhile he's going to the booths, getting caught dressed as a woman, getting caught jerking off at work and more. Howard said they used to use the Sybian all the time and they caught him sniffing the attachments for that thing. Sal said at the time the camera man asked him to do that. He said that was part of his job. Howard said he used to keep Debbie the Queefer's panties too. Sal said that was a memento. Howard said he's creepy and pervy. Sal said Ronnie is the creepiest perv there. Howard said he thinks Sal is.

    Howard said Ronnie did jerk off to his parents having a threesome. Sal jerked off to his aunt. Sal said he wanted to take a peek at women's genitalia. He didn't know what it would lead to.

    The caller asked how you explain this to your friends when you're Sal's wife. Sal said he just masturbates from time to time. He said every man does that. Sal said that his wife talks about what a goof fucking husband he is. Sal yelled at the caller to get off the phone.

    Howard took another call from a woman who said she has a theory about Sal. She asked if anyone has ever looked at Sal's phone to see if he sexts with Tan Mom. Sal said he doesn't' do that. He said she yelled at him for never returning her calls the other day. Howard said Sal made his wife shovel snow the last time it snowed. Sal said he had his hair plugs done so he wasn't able to do that. He said his wife was nice enough to do that for him.

    Gary asked if Sal is saying that he never jerked off to a family member. Sal said he wants to move on from that. Gary brought it up and Sal said that he got a talking to at a family gathering.

    Howard asked Sal if he ever jerked off to his sisters. Sal said no. He said he has 3. Howard said he bets he did. Sal said that stuff creeps him out.

    Ronnie came in and said that Sal is creepier than him. He said he never hid in a closet. Robin said he laid on the floor and looked under the door. Ronnie told her to shut up. Ronnie said Sal is fucked up. Howard agreed that Sal is the most pervy. Sal said sure. Howard said it's way more normal to jerk off to your parents than sneak a look at your aunt. Howard said Sal put on a wig and pretended to be a girl. Sal said you don't know what you're missing. Sal said he did it in the privacy of his own home. Sal said his wife was there but she was sleeping.

    Howard said Sal is so fucked up. He said his wife could have woken up at any time. Howard said Sal told her he was working on a bit. Howard asked what she said. Sal said she really didn't say much. He said that's even scarier. He said that's the worst part when your wife becomes indifferent. Howard said she's shell shocked.

    Howard took a call from the guys in the back who said they were the NYPD and they're on their way to pick those two up.

    Howard said Sal was wearing lipstick too when he had that wig on. Sal said he was. He said he had an Ace Frehley wig and he found lipstick in his bedroom.

    Howard took a call from Norman Bates who said these two are fucked up. Howard said even this guy is disgusted. Howard said there are things that they can't talk about with Sal. Howard said he had to bleep out King of All Blacks. He must have taken a call from King who brought something up.

    Howard said that Sal got a bag of Maybeline makeup from one of the guys. Sal said he did get some stuff. He said that he got some eye makeup stuff. He said it's actually men's makeup for his dark eyes. Howard asked why he wears makeup. Sal said he has dark rings under his eyes. Howard said some people think he waxes his eyebrows. Sal said he doesn't do that. Howard said he shaves his chest though. Sal said he does because he has weird tits and it looks better without the hair.

    Howard asked Sal who he's doing this for because his wife doesn't care. Sal said she does care. Howard said he used to come in wearing glitter. He said he was wearing tanner with glitter in it. Sal said it was tanning cream. He said he got melanoma on his ass so he was using tanning cream. He said it is what it is. Howard said this guy wonders why he won't let him in his house.

    Howard took a call from a woman who told Sal to call her a cunt to get it out of the way. She said she's a psychiatric nurse and she'd like to ask Robin for one redeemable quality about Sal. Robin said his kids like him. Howard said that's true. He said that's an answer. The caller asked if there's anything else. Robin said Sal actually has a heart and feelings. Robin said sometimes other things take over though. Howard said it's that little thing between his legs.

    Howard took a call from a guy who said that Sal had a great line about liking women earlier. Howard said you don't jerk off to your aunt though. Howard said Sal got hit in the head with cum. Sal said he had the cum phone thing. He went to a booth one night and a guy had jerked off on the phone so he got cum in his ear. Howard said that is so disgusting. He asked if he went to a booth after that. Sal said ''Oh sure.'' Sal said no one gets hurt by that stuff.

    Howard said High Pitch Erik is on the phone doing a Chuck Berry impression. Howard picked up and Erik was doing that deep voice thing. He said he just woke up from his grave. Howard said it's so great doing bits with him because you know he has no material. Erik had nothing when Howard tried to play along.

    Gary said they have a poll up about who is creepier and it's a dead heat. He said it's 50/50 right now. Howard asked where it is. Jason said it's on their twitter account @SternShow. Howard said Ronnie is creepy but not as pervy as Sal. Robin said it's also Ronnie's sex tips. Robin said maybe that's it.

    Howard tried to do the Chuck Berry thing with High Pitch Erik but Erik had nothing to say. He wasn't being funny and he had no material. Howard said he has no material and he's got nothing. Howard asked him what it was like writing one of his songs and Erik said it was good. Robin asked him to do a few bars of Maybeline. Erik said he forgot so he can't do that. Howard asked if he's still drinking 2 bottles of soda a day. Erik said he gave that up. Howard asked if he met Joey Boots up there. Erik said he did and he said he loves and misses him. Howard said he should go on stage with Erik and do a whole hour. Howard said he could do the bit like Mel Brooks and Carl Reiner. Howard said it'll be an evening with High Pitch Erik.

    Howard asked Chuck more questions and Erik was talking about hanging out with Joey Boots up in heaven like Chuck knew Joey. Howard asked if he made friends with anyone up there. Erik said just Joey and Nicole Bass.

    Erik broke out of his voice and got back to High Pitch Erik. Erik asked Robin if she would do an F, Marry, Kill with Lenny Dykstra, Sal or Ronnie. Howard said even that's stupid. Robin did it and said she's killing Lenny Dykstra. Robin said she'd marry Sal because you don't have to sleep with him.

    Howard asked to talk to Chuck Berry again. He said he wants to do a whole hour. Erik said he'll come in next week and do a whole hour. Howard said he burned through a lot of material today. Erik said he has to rest his voice for next week. Erik started to do the voice but Howard hung up.

    Howard said JD might be a bigger creep than Sal. He said JD told a webcam girl that he wanted to see a dog lick peanut butter off her pussy. Howard said JD was also following porn stars on Twitter just hours after he got engaged to his girlfriend. JD said he's creepy but he's not looking to talk about it like these guys. Howard said they're just trying to figure out who the creepiest guy on the show is.

    Howard brought up other things that JD did like spending 10 grand on porn. Howard said telling a girl to lick stuff off her pussy is dark. He asked if he's right. JD said he's not going to talk about this stuff. Howard asked JD to come in. JD said he's not coming in.

    Howard said Gary is creepy too. He said he gave a girl anal and then he went into the bathroom to look at her shit with the cum in it. Gary said that was just one time. He said these guys are into a lot more. Sal said Gary jerks off to teen anal. He said that's creepy.

    Gary said Jason talked about jerking off so much that real sex wasn't doing it for him. Howard said he's a fat guy and jerking off his less embarrassing than fucking someone. Howard said he has issues.

    Howard said Gary sang a song about finding his cum in that woman's shit. Howard played that song parody but Howard got grossed out immediately and stopped it. Howard said that whole thing is so vile. Howard said Gary is like an animal. Sal was talking about how creepy that was and Gary said Sal feels so empowered when something like that comes up. He said another guy on the staff thinks that Sal likes having his legs in the air because he's fantasizing about having a guy fuck him in the ass. Sal said that's not it at all. Howard asked Sal what's up with the hemorrhoid in his ass. Sal said he's had it removed twice and it keeps coming back. Howard said he pushes too hard when he shits. Sal said he knows and he's got to get more fiber in his diet. Howard said he pushes too hard. Sal said he knows he does.

    Ronnie said he gives his cat Miralax so it shits good. He said the vet told him to do that. He said that doesn't hurt him. Howard said he never heard of that. Ronnie said the cat would back up sometimes. He said it's like a little spoon full. He said now the cat shits great.

    Howard said Sal is the perviest. Howard asked if he used to hide porn in his newspapers at work. Sal said he did. Then he'd go take a shit with the porn mags in the paper.

    Howard took a call from a woman (one of the guys in the back) who said she just shit out a hot load so Gary can come check out her load. She told Gary to come look at her cum bubbles. Howard asked Gary if he wanted to throw up when he looked at it. Gary said he was so drunk he doesn't remember.

    Gary asked if Sal wants to talk about his arrest. Sal said he didn't get arrested. Howard said he didn't know he got arrested. Sal said he once kicked in a Burger King drive thru window. He said he was doing Karate stuff and he did it by accident. Sal said he was sitting next to a guy who was handcuffed and it turned out the guy next to him had murdered his wife. Sal said that wraps up this creep segment.

    Howard asked if Sal's first blow job was from a hooker. Sal said that's not true. He said that's it, very good. He said Fred just left and Howard has a live to read. Howard said that can wait.

    Howard took a call from a guy who said that Sal is creepy and Ronnie is pervy. He said Sal has the creepiest stories. He said that you can't put them in the same box. Howard said Sal went to a birthday party and drew cum on the woman's picture. Sal said it was fun. He said people were signing their names on her face so he drew some jizz on her face. Howard said one time Sal wiped his dick on vegetables at a party they had. Sal said it was next door where he smacked his penis on a pumpkin. It was outside. Howard asked why he did it. Sal said he just smacked his weiner on a pumpkin.

    Howard took a call from a woman who said she thinks Sal is a nice guy but he might be misguided. She said he was raised by an Italian maniac and she knows what that can be like. Howard asked if that's why he rubs his dick on a pumpkin. The caller said she has to take it all back after hearing that. Howard said Sal is so well thought out. He asked Sal if he used to go to the rub and tug place and go to the second floor so he could hear the cops coming. Sal said that's ridiculous. Sal laughed. He said he never went to a rub and tug. Howard said he used to go and hide in the second floor so he could escape if the cops came. Sal said he liked to go to one with a set of stairs. He said you want to have enough time to put on your pants. Howard said Sal had an app to find the massage places around the city. Sal said that's true. Ronnie said he never had that. Sal said that app didn't work out. He said it was difficult to maintain. He said he made a few bucks with it. He said it was called SpaNow. He said you could find all of the spas in the area you were in. Sal said he's sticking with this job. He said he's not good with the whole business thing.

    Howard said he can't believe Brent fucked 6 girls in front of people in Okinawa. He said Sal would do that. Sal said no way. Howard asked Ronnie if he has ever done that in front of people. Ronnie said only one person but it was a girl. He said she was there watching and participating.

    Howard asked Sal if he used to hide under the bed while friends were having sex. Sal said he and his friends all did that. He said they'd come out and the girls would laugh. He said it was just for fun. Howard said that's fucked up. He said it's like spying on someone. He said it's the same thing. Sal said it's not the same thing. they were just scaring the girls.

    Howard said you know Sal jerked off. Sal said no he didn't and don't imply that. Sal said it was at house parties and they were all drinking and sex was going on.

    Hoar said Sal used to call phone sex lines and go to McDonald's to jerk off. Sal said he may have done that. He said they had a one stall bathroom where you could be alone. Sal said it was a long time ago. Gary said the bathroom at McDonald's was so gross that you have to hold your nose to go in there. Howard kept asking ''Sal, didn't you once...'' and Sal would freak out.

    Brent Hatley came in and Howard said he thinks that Brent does some creepy stuff too. He said that he had sex in front of people in Okinawa. Howard said he's a freak. He said he's into group sex. Brent said he has participated in that stuff. Howard said Brent would do all kinds of weird stuff. Brent said that he wasn't that happy with his life at that point. Howard said Brent got a blow job on the air from a porn star once. Brent said he won't say her name but Howard knows her very well. Howard asked if Brent got it up for that. Brent said it was up and this was on regular radio. He said they got one fine for $755,000 once. Howard said he had at total of over 3 million. Brent said they got fined for having a guy lift a cinder block with his penis once. Howard said that's ridiculous.

    Brent said Howard got fined for saying he almost masturbated to the Aunt Jemima bottle and that was the closest he ever got to making love to a black woman.

    Howard said Brent once let a grizzly bear eat a marshmallow from his mouth on the air. Brent said that was a smaller grizzly but it did happen. Howard said Brent did a lot of weird stuff. Brent talked about the sex in front of people in Okinawa again.

    Howard said Robin used to flash guys in traffic. Robin said she never did it, she just thought about it. Howard said she auditioned for a porn movie too. Robin said she was photographed for that. Howard said she's a freak. Robin has masturbated with vegetables too. Howard said she spent a whole weekend masturbating with her door locked too. Robin said she wasn't very happy with her life at the time.

    Howard asked who won the poll between Sal and Ronnie. Jason said Sal has 53 to Ronnie's 47 percent. Howard said Sal is winning the popular vote. He said he's not sure what will happen with the electoral vote. Sal said that's the way it goes. He said that he's happy to share. Howard played a song parody where they had Sal messing up words on the air. They went to break after that.

    Mr. Skin

  • Robin's News. 03/29/17. 10:15am
    After the break Howard came right back and said he has a lot of things to play that he didn't' get to. Howard said Rachel Maddow was talking to someone and the guy responded to her saying ''Thank you sir.'' Howard said she took it quite well. Howard played the clip and Rachel said she responds to both.

    Howard said they should get to news. He played her into her news with a song parody. Robin read a story about a law being passed about stopping bestiality in some state where it wasn't illegal yet. Robin also talked about some of the creepy things Howard has done over the years.

    Robin read a story about human waste showing up in some drink cans in a bottling company. Robin said the feces clogged the machine so that's how it was discovered.

    Robin read a story about a small town in Texas where one of the students was accused of sodomizing other students with bottles and bats. Robin said more than 10 boys came forward about this. Robin said that 9 students were arrested over it. Howard did a live commercial read and then went to break.

    After the break, around 10:25am, Howard came back and had Robin get back to her news. Robin read a story about a guy who tried running over some officers in Washington DC this morning. It was just several blocks away from the White House. Robin said the suspect was arrested.

    Robin read a story about how cats want more of your attention than they want to eat. Robin said they say cats aren't antisocial like people say they are. Howard said they're really not. He said their cats follow them around constantly. Robin said a study was done and the cats picked human affection over food when they were deprived of both. Howard said they are so involved with the cats. He said they really do follow them around everywhere.

    Robin read a story about a little girl on YouTube named Rayna... Howard stopped her and said that name is from Star Trek. He had Fred look it up. Fred said she was named for a writer on the show. They spent a minute going over that and Fred's explanation wasn't getting through to Howard. Howard said he can't connect with Fred for some reason. He said they'll work it out. Robin said the Rayna she's talking about is a girl walking up to a discarded water heater and talking to it like it's a robot. Howard said Fred thought their water heater was a robot. Robin had some audio of the girl talking to the ''robot.'' Robin said it does look something like a robot. Robin said the girl keeps talking to it and saying she loves it. Howard said he had the choice of speaking to Fred or a water heater and he picked the water heater. Fred said he saw that coming from a mile away. He said Howard has something going on where he doesn't get what he says no matter what.

    Robin read a story about Stephen Colbert getting higher ratings than Jimmy Fallon's Tonight show. Robin said that it's the 8th week in a row. Howard said Colbert does very stinging commentary on Trump. Robin said she thinks that Fallon has been doing more lately. Howard said he can't keep track. He said he has to sleep. Robin said that the Late Show had 2.77 million and the Tonight Show had 2.74 million.

    Robin asked if Michael Strahan is the greatest broadcaster in the world. Howard said no. Robin said he's all over TV. Howard said he's a nice guy and he likes him a lot but they carry on a lot about him. Robin said they say that there are problems at Good Morning America. Robin said that he's the host of the show now. Robin said he has a huge presence on the show now. Howard said maybe he is the greatest. Howard did a live commercial read after that.

    Robin read a story about a teacher who may have slept with her special ed student. Howard said he sees some of these teachers and they're really good looking. Howard said he hasn't seen this one though. Robin said she hasn't either. Howard said he's not sure what this one looks like but maybe she's not hot.

    Robin said there is a missing 15 year old girl who may have been taken by her former teacher. Robin said that this guy isn't so hot but the teen is cute. Robin said they disappeared after someone reported seeing him kissing the 15 year old girl. Robin said they put out a national alert and he may have taken her off to Mexico. Robin said he may run out of money soon and the dollar goes a lot further down there. Howard said he wished that a teacher had kidnapped him and taken him away. Robin said the girl has been missing for 4 days or so and they don't know if the girl is safe or not.

    Robin read a story about a teacher in New york who tried to get a 16 year old drunk and pick her up with lines from Shakespeare. Howard said you can't send your kid to school. Robin said this teacher was 56 years old. Robin read more details about the story. Howard said his mom didn't worry about him being picked up by a teacher since he looked like a witch. Robin said Howard had hovering parents and the kids who have that don't usually have that problem. Howard said his mother only hovered when it came to taking his temperature anally. Howard did another live commercial read after that.

    Robin read a story about Chuck Berry being back on the charts since his death. Robin said he died on March 18th and now he's back in the top 40. Howard asked if he's buried yet. Howard asked if Casey Kasem is buried yet. Robin said he is. Howard said James Brown was above ground for a while too. Robin said she's not sure about Chuck.

    Howard said he never got to mention Chuck Barris. He said he thinks he's in the ground already and they haven't done a eulogy. Howard said he was incredible. Robin said he was a crazy, amazing guy. Howard said Chuck Barris created some great game shows. Howard said he owned TV for a while. He said that he also wrote a pop hit called Palisades Park. He played some of the song. Howard said with any luck High Pitch Erik will call in with a chuck Barris impression. Howard played some clips of Arnold Schwarzenegger on the Dating Game. Howard said they loved the Gong Show too. Howard said Michael Jackson was on the Dating Game. He's pretty sure about that. Gary said that's true. He said he was really young like in his early teens.

    Robin said that Donald Trumps lawyers are saying that he can't be sued because he's President. Robin said she's hearing that no one is above the law though. Robin said that Trump is being sued for debasing and denigrating a woman for claiming she was groped by Trump in 2007.

    Robin had some audio of Donald Trump talking about health care and how everyone wants the same thing, greatness for this country we love.

    Howard took a call from Chad from St. Louis who said he noticed online there's a company selling cock rings called Mund Rings and they're using Ronnie references. He asked if they're official Ronnie cock rings. Ronnie came in and said he just saw it and they are using his name. He said he has nothing to do with it. Howard asked what he's going to do. Robin asked if he has an agent. Ronnie said Don helps him with some things so maybe he should call him. Robin said you can't take someone's likeness to sell stuff. He didn't copyright ''Whoa, whoa, whoa, stop the clock.'' Ronnie said he's going to look into it. Ronnie said the cock ring looks stupid. He said they look like little donuts. Ronnie said he wouldn't put this out. He said that it won't do anything. Ronnie said ''Fuck Mund!'' Howard said there's also a Ronnie Mund pussy Roman candle to shove up your wife's pussy. He said Ronnie is going to sue everyone.

    Robin read a story about Sean Spicer getting into some trouble with a reporter yesterday. Robin had some audio of Spicer arguing with a reporter and asking her not to shake her head again. Robin said he always gets a little uptight. Howard said there was a video of a woman yelling at Sean Spicer at an Apple store. Howard played the clip and the woman was going off on him asking if he was a criminal and if he had committed treason too. Spicer just said ''thank you.''

    Robin had some audio of President Trump talking about how he's always going to have law enforcement's back like they've had his. Robin said that some law enforcement is saying that they may not have his back if they cut funds to ''sanctuary cities'' around the country.

    Robin read a story about an Olympic gymnast testifying about the USA Gymnastics not protecting athletes. Robin said that one doctor is accused of sexually assaulting these gymnasts.

    Robin read a story about Governor Cuomo having a very high approval rating and people would like to see him take on Trump. Robin said that's what a poll says. Robin said that he has a 52 percent approval rating. Robin read more into the story and they say that they actually don't want him to run for president but battle Trump from Albany.

    Robin read a story about 3 storm chasers dying after their vehicle collided with another vehicle of storm chasers who were going after a tornado in Texas. Robin read about how some of the people were with The Weather channel. Robin said they ran a stop sign hitting another vehicle.

    Robin read a story about Facebook having a Snapchat type feature coming where the video will disappear after 24 hours.

    Robin read a story about the national song library taking in some songs. Robin read about the songs that they're putting in the historical registry.

    Robin read a story about an Indiana man who claims that his ''sexsomnia'' made him touch a 15 year old girl who was at a sleep over. Robin said they're trying to charge him with felony sexual battery. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:05am.

-- Monday - Tuesday --

  • The Rest Of This Week Is Archived.
    To keep the loading time of this page a little shorter I've filed the rest of this week's news in the archives. Click Here to view this week's archive.
    • News And Richard Simmons Promo. 03/27/17. 7:00am
    • Paris Jackson's Vocal Fry. 03/27/17. 7:15am
    • Howard Takes Some Calls. 03/27/17. 7:25am
    • The Search For Richard Simmons. 03/27/17. 8:05am
    • Shuli Vs. Gary Update, Email And Kong. 03/27/17. 8:15am
    • High Pitch Erik Podcast Clips. 03/27/17. 8:35am
    • Scarlett Johansson Visits. 03/27/17. 8:50am
    • Robin's News. 03/27/17. 10:35am
    • Yulin Dog Meat Festival. 03/28/17. 7:00am
    • TV Shows And A Beetlejuice Phony Phone Call. 03/28/17. 7:10am
    • Late Night Wars. 03/28/17. 7:15am
    • Howard Dinner Bracket. 03/28/17. 7:25am
    • Steve From Florida And Jeff The Drunk. 03/28/17. 8:05am
    • Various Bits, Clips And Phony Phone Calls. 03/28/17. 8:30am
    • Craig Ferguson Visits. 03/28/17. 8:55am
    • Pissing On The Floor. 03/28/17. 10:25am
    • Robin's News. 03/28/17. 10:40am
    • To Be Archived Later This Friggin Week.
    • To Be Archived Later This Friggin Week.

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