- Thursday Replay Show. 10/20/16. 7:00am
Show opening bits and songs included: ''An awkward conversation between JD Harmeyer and Rachel Ray'' clip, a phony phone call to an internet radio show with fake Charlie Sheen stealing a tank, a Baba Booey song parody.
Here's what they replayed today on Howard 100:
- Sarah Jessica Parker. 10/20/16. 7:00am
First up on today's replays they played the Sarah Jessica Parker interview. Here's my rundown:
Sarah Jessica Parker Visits. 10/18/16. 8:45am
After the break they played a clip from the movie ''Full Metal Jacket.'' They also played a Jack and Rod Show bit where Sal and Richard talked to a guest with Fake Hillary Clinton and had the guest pretending to be Hillary. They also played John Mayer performing ''Like a Rolling Stone'' at the Howard Stern Birthday Bash. They played Robin singing ''Up Where We Belong'' as they were coming back.
Howard came back and said he has Sarah Jessica Parker there. He said she's in the HBO show ''Divorce'' now. Howard said she's a big star. Howard asked if she goes by Sarah Jessica. Sarah said she can go by SJ too. She said she's one of 8 kids so she's answered to everything. Howard asked if it was horrible growing up with a family like that. Sarah said no.
Sarah thanked Howard for having her in. Howard said they're honored. Sarah said she'd like to say ''Hit 'em with the Hein'' too. Howard said that he heard Andy Cohen was a big part of getting her on the show. Sarah said he's a very good friend and yes he was. Howard said he's connected to so many people. Howard said if you're friends with him then you're connected to all of the great parties. Sarah said he's very willing to admit he has a butterfly quality. She said he has a full, active, colorful life. She said he relishes all of it. Howard asked if that's how you know you're an A-list celebrity.
Sarah said she met Andy 15 or more years ago. She said he was working for CBS producing segments. Sarah said they have some mutual friends and their paths crossed. She said he used to produce segments for the morning show. She said they've been friends for long before her son was born and he's 14. Howard said he sees pictures of them on vacation and it looks so fun. Howard said she's parading around with Andy. Sarah said they do go on vacation and they're amazing vacations. She said he'll be thrilled to hear how much they're talking about him.
Howard said the key to happiness is having friends apparently. Sarah said that they do see each other at parties. She said that he's surrounded by so many people who seem to like him. Howard said they have been at parties. He said they have polite banter. Howard said he always feels like he's bothering her. Howard said she's unapproachable. Howard said he wouldn't bother her with his nonsense. Sarah said that's nonsense.
Howard said Sarah has something about her. He said he can't take her eyes off of her. Howard said it's true. Sarah said she never watches anything that she's in. She said she has only seen Sex and the City episodes just once. Howard asked why she would want the hassle of doing that show. Sarah said she loves producing. Howard asked what producing means. Sarah said this show ''Divorce'' she started working on 4 years ago. Howard said that Paul Sims works on the show and he was from Larry Sanders Show too. Howard asked what he does. Sarah said he's the show runner. Howard asked what that means. Sarah said he's their leader. She said the writers get together and talk about the season and the arc for the show. Sarah said she's in conversations with Paul and then the outlines come back to her for the season. Howard said then she tells them what's bullshit. Sarah said she chooses a different way of saying that. Howard asked if she's more diplomatic. Sarah said it's a real conversation. She said that they're part of the conversation from the very beginning. Howard said if the show sucks or if it's good then it's her fault.
Howard asked Sarah about doing Sex and the City and if she was paralyzed by that because it did so well. Howard said it's like she could screw up the legacy if the new show doesn't do well. Sarah said she did wait a while. She said she was excited about the idea for this show ''Divorce.'' She said that once she knew what it was going to be like she found it interesting. She said she loves and does this so she thought it would work.
Howard asked if she worries about ratings or anything. Sarah said she's tireless and she thinks you have to pull yourself across the finish line bloody. Howard asked if she sits in on the auditions. She said she does. Sarah said when someone crosses the threshold into a room wanting a job she can't stand the exit. She said she wants to make sure they have something to feel good about when they leave. Howard asked if someone comes in who sucks and messes it up and someone laughs at them in the room does she ream them for that. Sarah said that she has never been in a room with someone who has done that to someone. She said that she doesn't want them to feel lousy when they leave. Howard said it sounds exhausting. Howard said she has to make them feel good about not getting the part. Sarah said some people don't audition well. She said that doesn't mean they're not right for the part. Sarah said she has cast people who have done well in the audition and they didn't do well in the job. She said that she hasn't had to fire anyone but she has experienced that.
Howard said Sarah's parents divorced when she was young. Howard said then there are 8 kids in the family. Sarah said her mom gave birth to all 8 of the kids. She said she's the 4th of 8. She said her mother remarried and had more kids. She said she had 4 with her dad and 4 more with the new dad. She said that she still has a good relationship with her biological father.
Howard said Sarah knew what she wanted to do as a kid. Howard said the family moved to New York and she was the great hope of the family. Sarah said her older brother Toby is an actor. She said that he's still working. Howard said there must be jealousy there. Sarah said she doesn't know about that. She said she has a different career but they're very close. Sarah said he's a beautiful actor and he has a job on Broadway. She said his life is really full. Sarah said she thinks that her father wanted to start a business in New York and there were hopes they'd find success. She said because there were so many of them they weren't the center of attention. She said they took the subway to auditions.
Howard asked if she was one of the coolest kids in school. Sarah said she was the opposite. She said no one was interested in Annie. Howard said she thought she'd be cool because she was in Annie. Sarah said she became very friendly with her best friend Molly but they weren't invited to parties or anything. She said they were classic outcasts. She said she wasn't popular at all. Howard said she's 11 years old and she's cast in The Innocence. Sarah said her brother Toby got that as well. Howard asked if she's like a savant or something. Sarah said she doesn't think so. She said she just loves acting. Howard asked if she was nervous as a kid. She said you don't get nervous until you're older and have responsibilities.
Howard said he was nervous growing up. Sarah said there must have been things he was expecting from the experience. She said as a kid you don't expect those things.
Howard asked if she ever got upset about rejection. Sarah said she would go to auditions and she'd tell the guys that she never gets those jobs so she didn't know why she was even there. Howard said that's the kind of thing he thinks she'd worry about. Sarah said she never got discouraged. She said she felt she was doing something she loved. She said it was fun and it's why kids like playing soccer or hockey or whatever. She said this is what she loved.
Howard asked how old she was when she got Annie. She said she was 13. She said she was the understudy for Annie and she played July for a year. She said she played Annie for a year too. Howard said that was a mega smash. Howard said she must have been making 4 grand a week. Sarah said she was making more than her father ever made a week. Howard asked why she didn't become the obnoxious kid. He asked how she was kept grounded. Sarah said when you're one of 8 kids you're expected to take care of the other kids. She had to share a bedroom with her older sister. She said she just wanted her own room.
Sarah said after she finished Square Pegs, where she was making $4,000 a week. Howard said that was another great job. Howard asked where that was shot. She said that was out in Norwalk, California. She said out there she had to have a parent or guardian around her all the time. She said in New York she didn't need that. She said it was tough on her mom.
Howard asked Sarah if she sang last night at the Hillary Clinton fund raiser. Sarah said she did. Howard asked if she was expected to make a donation there. Sarah said she thinks they always ask. Howard said she performed last night. She said she did and she sang ''Tomorrow'' with the original Annie. Sarah said she has never done anything like that. Howard asked how that came about. Sarah said Harvey Weinstein was traveling back from an event with her and they came up with the idea. Sarah said it was a very sentimental thing. Howard asked what time she was up until last night. She said it was like 12. She said that she has kids so she's used to being tired. Sarah said she sang a couple of lines in the song and then she introduced Andrea.
Howard asked Sarah if she has someone who dresses her. She said she picks out her own clothes. Howard asked if she feels pressure when she goes out. Howard said every woman is looking to her for what to wear. Sarah said she doesn't feel that pressure.
Howard asked Sarah if she does therapy. She said she has dabbled. Howard said he goes every day. Howard said he's past dabbling. Howard said he would love to dabble but he's too screwed up.
Howard said his daughters worship her. Howard said he has a 33 year old, a 30 year old and a 23 year old. He said they're all over the place. He said one wants to be a nurse and one is into social work. Howard said one of them just got married. Howard said it was a whole thing. Sarah said they turned out well and he was able to raise them.
Howard said after Annie Sarah got the Square Pegs thing. Sarah said she auditioned for it in New York city and then she came back. She said that they were very nice to her and they kept bringing her back again and again. Howard said she was asked to play a character in Footloose named Rusty and she turned it down because she had to have red hair and that would be like playing Annie again. Howard asked if the script looked shitty. Sarah said it was completely different than anything. Sarah said Kevin Bacon had just come off Diner and she loved that movie. She said she was mad for Kevin. She said she'd knock on his door where they were shooting and ask if he wanted any groceries. She said he had a girlfriend at the time.
Howard said she did that movie as an adult so she didn't have to have her parents around. Howard asked where she got the guts to tell them she wasn't going to play Rusty and cut her hair. Howard asked about seeing the movie for the first time. She said that she had to do reshoots for the movie for more dancing. She said she went to the premiere with the guy from MacGyver. She said it was just a friendly thing. She said the movie made 9 million that weekend and that was pretty big. She said it wasn't very costly to make. Howard asked if she was shocked by the success of that movie. She said that there were some big hit numbers there. Howard asked if she thought she was going to be huge after that. Sarah said she doesn't know. She said that movie was big. She said the premiere was big. She said she loved the director and he only yelled at her a couple of times.
Howard said Sarah was the sexy girl in the movie she did with Steve Martin,called ''L.A. Story.'' Sarah said he is so much a part of the way he works. She said when she auditioned she didn't think she'd get the part. She said she had to audition over and over. Howard asked if they had her get into a bathing suit for that. She said they didn't. She said it was jeans and a t-shirt. Howard said it's funny they don't ask her to do that. Sarah said that happened with the costume designer in the movie. Sarah said that changed the course of everything for her. She said she was cast in Honeymoon in Vegas because of that movie. She said she didn't even have to audition.
Howard said they sent her a treadmill so she'd stay in shape for the movie. Howard asked if that was insulting. Sarah said it seemed old fashioned to her at the time. Sarah said she was doing a movie of the week in Iowa and she had a treadmill next to her. She said she just did it and she didn't take offense to it. She said it was old fashioned but she wasn't offended. Sarah said it wasn't inappropriate. She said it was like asking her to work on an Irish accent for a role.
Howard asked if she's still friendly with Steve. Sarah said they all had dinner together. Howard said he knows but he's not sure how that relationship is. Sarah said it's very friendly when they do see each other. Howard said he wasn't able to tell if they were close or not. Sarah said she was very shy at that dinner. She said she didn't know Howard at all. Howard said he thought she'd jump into the conversation. Sarah said she had someone else there next to her. Howard said he tried to engage with her. Sarah said they did speak a little bit. She said she pulls back a bit. She said she doesn't want to be pushy. She said she thinks she's shy. Sarah said she loves conversation but when she doesn't know people she likes to listen.
Howard asked Sarah if she falls in love with the people she works with. Howard said he finds the set of a movie to be very romantic. Sarah said it is. She said that's part of the magic that can or can't happen. She said that time suspends and everything else is on hold. She said you're contractually obligated to fall in love with this person. She said it's a very seductive environment.
Howard said he never read about her falling for anyone like Steve Martin. Howard asked if she dated Nic Cage. She said they did date. Howard said her world is set up for her. Howard said the real test is when the movie ends. Howard said she realizes how seductive the set is. Howard said at the end of the day you get to know who the other person is. Sarah said you should fall in love and have real and not real experiences. She said she loves it all. She said she would recommend it. Sarah said you'll look back and love this memory.
Howard said people always ask why her marriage has lasted. Howard said he thinks she hit it on the head. He said that she had a lot of experiences before she got married. Sarah said you should have relationships and struggle through them in your 20s.
Howard said Nic Cage is so big that a relationship is almost doomed from the start. Howard said they have so much going on and they're the most popular and beautiful and successful. Howard said it would be hard to maintain a relationship like that. Sarah said it can be. She said the part that doesn't work are the parts that don't work. Howard said this has him thinking about her marriage and why it's successful.
Howard said Ed Wood is one of his favorite movies. Howard asked if she knew it was going to be great when she read the script. Sarah said she met with Tim Burton and he told her what it was going to be like and then she read the script. She said she was told what the role was going to be before she read it.
Howard asked if she feels the envy of fellow actors because she was getting all of this work. Sarah said a lot of them were getting a lot of work too. She said she and Cynthia Nixon have been getting work since they were kids. Howard said they have great chemistry. Howard asked if it was hard for her when the show was such a success that she had to return every year. Howard asked if she just wanted to leave but she stayed for the other women. Sarah said she didn't actually. She said the show ended after they talked about it with HBO and Michael Patrick King. She said that they owed it to the other women to have them as part of it. Sarah said that they told them it was a wise decision and she thinks it was hard for all of them but it was something they agreed should happen. Sarah said they are meant to do other things as actors. She said they were just working actors. She said they needed to go do something else.
Howard said if you get something hot like that then just keep the job. Sarah said that's the hard thing to resist. She said that's the lure. Sarah said it takes a huge amount of work to do a show like that every week. Sarah said you want to produce a movie every week. She said they were doing 80 and 100 hour weeks. She said it was nuts. She said they were doing some episodes that were 20 days. She said they were just filling it up and filling it up. Sarah said they were going to Paris and filming there. She said they were filming on film like a movie.
Howard said Sarah turned the show down at first. Howard said she wanted out of the show. Sarah said she went to her agents and said she didn't feel like she should be doing TV. She said she got panicked about being locked in. Sarah said it was the same thing over and over again. Sarah said it was like she was put in a straight jacket. Sarah said she explained that to her agent. She said she did the pilot already but she hadn't even seen it. Sarah said someone stopped her on the street and said she had seen it. She said she was told it was great. She said then she panicked. She wanted to do other things. Sarah said she met with HBO and they told her she can do a movie or whatever she wants to do and they'd figure it out. She said they told her to give it a chance. Sarah said they shot the first episode just blocks from her apartment. She said she did that show an she never looked back. She said there wasn't one single day she didn't want to be there.
Howard asked if HBO paid well. He said he's heard they're cheap. Sarah said they paid very well. Howard said they weren't doing a lot of scripted shows at the time. Sarah said she had a 3 year contract as her first contract. She said in the old days it was like 7 years.
Howard asked if it's true that she and Kim Cattrall didn't get along on the set. Sarah said the people she worked with she grew to love and admire. She said that things weren't perfect but it's a family of people who relied on each other. She said the rumors really upset her. She said that they went on a long time. Sarah said they both felt like it had taken on a life and no matter what they did it kept going. Howard asked if it was upsetting to her. Sarah said it was. She said people just didn't want to believe it.
Howard asked if doing Ed Wood made her fall in love with Johnny Depp. Sarah said he's a great actor and that movie was a great experience. She said she really liked Johnny. She said she didn't know he was this quiet person. She said he was kind of a mystery to people. Howard asked if working with people like that makes her nervous. She said she's a wreck around people like that. Howard asked how you get over that. Sarah said she always expects to be nervous and anxious. She said she just tries to do good work in spite of feeling scared and nervous. Sarah said they're nervous too.
Sarah said Dustin Hoffman worried about getting work after doing huge movies. Sarah said that you have this finite period to get it all figured out and be as good as you possibly can be. She said you rehearse and rehearse over and over. She said movies have a rhythm and she loves it. She said she has met so many highly regarded actors and they're always nervous when they start shooting. She said she did a movie with Phillip Seymour Hoffman and she kept telling him she was afraid that she'd get fired. Howard asked if she's ever been fired. Sarah said she was fired from that animated movie ''Antz'' and ''At Close Range.'' She said she was fired for going in a different direction than they wanted. She said she was playing a cow in ''At Close Range.'' She said that she did many sessions for both movies. Howard asked if she did her own voice for Antz. She said she did. She said then they brought in Sharon Stone to play her part. She said the upsetting thing as that she was called a week before to tell her how great she was.
Howard asked if Sarah is a method actor. She said no. Howard asked if she studied acting. Sarah said no. Howard said he heard that Sharon Stone lived among ants to get the role. Howard asked if she ever works with actors who are method. Sarah said she has. She said she digs that. Sarah said she has her own way of working but you figure if you have an ear at all you figure out what you're doing. She said if you see a great director they can figure out what each actor needs. She said that she doesn't like to talk about the work on set. Sarah said she doesn't have technique. She said she knows that stuff but doesn't want to share it. She said she'd rather listen to the person and then react.
Howard said he can't believe she got fired from an animated movie. Sarah said she played a dog in a play. Robin said she saw her in that role. Sarah said that dog had a foul mouth.
Howard said he'd love to be in an animated movie. Howard said he can see Sarah as an ant. Sarah said she likes that they went back to the well and tried it again. Sarah said she was only paid per session for the animated stuff.
Howard said when you get a hit series you have so much freedom to do what you want. Howard said she didn't have to do the TV show ''Divorce'' if she didn't want to. Howard said Matthew is the one who convinced her to do ''Sex and the City.'' Sarah said her brother and Matthew read the script and they were almost forceful about it. Sarah said it was the last moment of the script that really did it. She told Howard about the scene and how great she thought it was. She said there was a great story to be told there.
Howard said that show is so iconic. Howard asked if her life changed and became complete chaos. Howard said the Paparazzi were all over her. Sarah said it did start then. Howard said she'd done a good job of laying low. Sarah said they live in the city so they have to go out and get a cab and all of that. Howard asked what they do to avoid it. Sarah said she puts her head down and just goes. She said that the kids don't want her engaging with them. She said that they'll get embarrassed. She said they don't want to have attention. Sarah said there are times when it feels less or more intrusive. She said now they have video cameras and that requires a discipline to not respond. She said there are far worse things that a person can do.
Howard said ''Divorce'' is the new HBO show. Howard said it's on Sunday nights at 10pm on HBO. Howard said he is still trying to figure out how she was in love with the husband on the show. Howard said now she's trying to get him back in the part he's up to in the show. Sarah said she loves doing the show. She said she thinks this relationship is like a lot of people. Sarah said they only do 10 episodes now so it's not 18 like it used to be. She said it's great to be able to choose to do something like this. Sarah said she likes to be thoughtful about what takes her away from her family.
Howard asked what the difference is between Instagram and Twitter for her. Sarah said the people on Twitter can be really nasty. She said it feels like a waste of time. She said there's no dialog happening. She said she's not equipped for it. Sarah said that the picture is more the focus on Instagram. She said it's not the same amount of interest in blasting her. She said she has a complicated relationship with Instagram too. She said she has never taken a selfie. Howard said if she did she'd have more followers.
Howard asked how she avoided nudity in Sex and the City. Sarah said she just said she wasn't going to do it. She said the other women talked about their level of comfort with it and they only did it if they felt comfortable doing it. Sarah said she thinks it's great if they can do it. She said she never felt like she had to be naked for the part. Howard said he thinks she'd be comfortable being nude. Howard asked what she does to stay in shape. She said she just walks around New York. She said she's not in shape.
Howard asked Sarah if she's embarrassed when someone tells her she's good looking. Sarah said she's not working out right now. She said she's not in shape. Howard asked what they would do if they were married. Sarah said she and Matthew have read books to one another. Howard said he doesn't think they could ever be married. Howard asked if she reads to the kids. She said she does. Howard said he'd love to have a book read to him by Sarah if she was his mother.
Howard asked Sarah what she eats for dinner. Sarah said she was up around 2 in the morning and she had some ham, grape leaves, cashews and some things like that. She said the other night they had steak and potatoes. She said Matthew cooked that.
Howard said that her son is at the age where he's going to have friends wanting to come over to see his mom. Sarah said he's not like that. Sarah said that the kids do come over to hang out but it has nothing to do with her or Matthew. Howard said he'd be walking around with a camera if it was him.
Howard said the show is called ''Divorce' and it's nice to have Sarah back on TV. Howard told her to tell people to watch the show. Howard said he and his wife watch it. Sarah said the show has some great people like Thomas Hayden Church, Molly Shannon and others. She said it's a smart, sophisticated story of a relationship. Howard said she's also starting a book company. Sarah said she is. She said she's going to read manuscripts and if she likes it she'll publish it. Howard said she's selling shoes too. Sarah said she likes shoes very much. Howard said he loves when she wears those heels. Howard asked how tall those are. She said they're 100mm so about 3 inches. She said they're all made in Italy. She said the dresses are made in America. She said that some of the other clothing is made in America too. Howard said she has fragrance too. Howard said she must be rolling in dough.
Howard said he was hanging out with Robert Downey Jr. recently too. Howard asked how it went when they got together. She said it was surprisingly not weird. She said that they were 18 when they met. She said that they're fundamentally the same. Sarah said the difference is that he has a family and a wife and his career is a massive thing. She said his true nature was completely familiar. Howard said when you know someone for 7 years you feel like you know them. Sarah said she always felt very affectionate toward him. She said she thought it ended well. She said she didn't have any bitterness toward him or anything. She said she has had bad breakups but that's okay too. Howard said he was worried about Matthew being upset with her having lunch with Robert. Sarah said he was fine with it. Howard said he'd be too jealous just having her in a movie with another guy and kissing him. Howard said she had to marry an actor because that's the only person who would understand. Sarah said maybe he's right. Sarah said she knows you hear that a hundred million times.
Howard said he can see her falling for someone like John Corbett on the set. Howard said he was aroused in every scene he did in Private Parts. Howard said he would start making out with Mary McCormack even though it wasn't in the script. Sarah said she'll be on ''Divorce'' this season.
Howard asked Sarah if she never felt herself getting aroused on the set. Sarah said she can see if she were single and she was playing someone opposite and she wasn't obligated she can see falling in love. Howard said when she's shooting ''Divorce'' and Matthew sees her making out with a guy does he get jealous. Sarah said he doesn't. She said she's seen scenes where Matthew is kissing someone and you shut down for a second but then you see things differently. She said he sat with her at the premiere the other night and it was the right way to look at it.
Howard asked if they show the kids their old movies. Sarah said they do show them some of them. Howard asked if they think their mom is cool after seeing that. Sarah said no. She said they don't like or respect her more. Howard said he'd love to be invited over to see their movies when they're showing the kids. Howard said he wants to be there when James Wilke sees ''War Games.'' Howard said he wants to show him Private Parts. Sarah said he would love that. She said his favorite movie was ''The Graduate.'' Howard said he's ready for it then.
Howard asked if they spy on James to see what he's seeing on the internet. Sarah said they do watch what he looks at. Howard said he should learn to clear his history.
Howard asked if she brings him to the set. She said she does. She said she's glad he doesn't want to be an actor. Howard said he should be a shock jock. Sarah said she wonders what that will mean in 10 years. Howard said there's nothing shocking left. Howard said it seems like Sarah doesn't curse at all. Sarah said she doesn't. She said her daughter told her that she got in trouble for saying hell. She said she told her that she heard her say it so she was shocked by that.
Howard started to wrap up with Sarah and gave her some more plugs. Howard said look for her shoes, perfume and everything. Howard asked if she's raising the kids with religion. Sarah said they're going to decide on that themselves. She said that she and Matthew weren't really brought up with it so they're going to let the kids decide. She said they do love Christmas and the gifts and all of that but they don't do it with the religious part. Howard said he's against Halloween. Howard said he thinks it's all wrong. Sarah said she doesn't like it either. She said she's never liked it. She said they do give out candy. She said her son is allergic to peanuts so they have other types of candy in the house. She said they have to be very careful and they always have the auto injector around.
Howard asked if Hillary thanked her for doing the fund raiser thing last night. She said she did. Howard asked if she went with Obama. Sarah said she went with the Clintons and Obama. Howard asked if she just hangs there. Howard said she's so shy. Sarah said she met the Clintons in Alabama in 1988. She said that she worked with them a lot and when he ran the first time that's when she started working with them. Howard said she must have some contact list on that cell phone.
Howard asked who she hangs with. She didn't say. Howard asked if she drinks. She said she likes wine and a Moscow Mule. Howard didn't know what that was. She said it's ginger beer and vodka she thinks.
Howard wrapped up with Sarah and give her some more plugs for ''Divorce.'' Howard said he and his wife are both watching it. They went to break a short time later. As they went to break they played the Fab Faux's cover of ''Penny Lane.'' They also played a Baba Booey song parody.
- Ronnie In Aruber. 10/20/16. 8:45am
Next on today's replays they played the segment where Howard talked to Ronnie about his trip to Aruber (Aruba). Here's my rundown:
Eloquent JD. 10/18/16. 7:00am
Howard started the show talking about how he hates that name ''Wikileaks.'' He said it's not cool. Robin asked if he doesn't want it on a t-shirt. Howard said it's such a wimpy name. He said he doesn't like it. Robin said she doesn't like the whole thing. She said she doesn't like Julian Asange.
Howard played a clip of JD announcing who is coming on the show today. He said they have Sarah Jessica Parker coming in. He said she was great in Ed Wood. Howard said he is a mush mouth. He said he hasn't improved his speech at all. Robin asked if he's working on it. Howard said he's not.
Howard asked if they know Eloquent JD. Robin said she's never run into that guy. Howard had a clip of Eloquent JD on the phone. The guys in the back had JD speaking very clearly. Howard asked if he's disgusting like the real JD. Eloquent JD said he loves fresh clean linen on his buttocks. He was talking about how clean his sheets are too. Howard said he's trying to figure out the differences between the two JD. Eloquent JD was over annunciating and Howard loved it. Howard asked if he's into web cam girls. Eloquent JD asked if he thinks he's a monster. Howard asked Eloquent JD if he leaves his apartment. Eloquent JD said he does and it's being part of this world. Eloquent JD asked if Robin has plans this weekend because he'd like to fly her to his chateau in France.
JD came out of character for a few seconds. He also told Howard he's going to the opera with his girlfriend. He even sang a song from the opera he's going to see. Howard said goodbye to JD but JD refused to hang up first.
Howard said it took 12 hours to edit out all of his mumbles. Howard said it's such an effort to get him to talk like that.
Ronnie In Aruber. 10/18/16. 7:05am
Howard asked Robin if she wants to hear the greatest phony phone call of all time. He said he thinks they'll agree with him on this. He said they took Ronnie's sex tips and called a sex advice show on the internet. He said he thinks it's a home run. Howard said he was laughing like a mentally disabled person.
Howard played the call and they had Ronnie talking about rubbing his dick on the nipples of her tits and tittie fucking her. The hosts of the show didn't know what to say. They said they were offended. One host said no woman wants to be treated that way. They had Ronnie laughing and telling them to slap his ass and things like that. The hosts of the show hung up on him.
Howard asked what they think. Robin said Ronnie is the funniest. Howard said it's great. Robin said he's too funny. Howard said Ronnie is out there loving this. Fred did his impression of Ronnie doing his sex tip thing.
Howard said Ronnie had a whole week in ''Aruber'' (Aruba) as he says. Howard said Ronnie has a Twitter feed where he wasn't even able to spell. He said he told him to just retweet or something so that's what he's doing. He said he started the Hot Chick of the Week and now he's retweeting pictures of naked women. Howard said he's like a dealer in hot chick pictures. Howard said he has naked girls and he'll talk about the girls being hot. Howard said he writes in a very simplistic way.
Howard said Ronnie started tweeting pictures of his girlfriend in Aruba. Howard said she's in a bikini. Howard said this is the first time she's appeared in a bathing suit on Twitter. He said the whole thing is like a train wreck. Robin said he told her that he loved Aruber so much he didn't want to come back. Howard said he told him he did something down there that he can't remember.
Ronnie came in and said they did an ATV trip around the island. Howard said Ronnie was on an ATV. Ronnie said they were all over the place. Howard asked if they go really fast over weird terrain. Ronnie said yes. Howard said he knows guys who do that. He asked what the point of that is. Howard said it's like a hot wheels with a motor. Howard asked if he tries to go as fast as he can so he almost falls over. Ronnie said not really. He said you can get hurt. He said you know that. Howard said there are people who can wipe out. Howard asked if he tried to show off to Stephanie. Ronnie said he stayed behind her to make sure she was okay.
Howard said he sees Ronnie riding ahead to show off. Ronnie said they were heading back at one point and she was driving along on a narrow road and she was drifting off because she was looking at the scenery. He said they were with a group of other people. Ronnie said some of them were riding double.
Ronnie said they had gone down town and walked around. He said they were looking at the souvenirs and all the bullshit. Howard said he's so angry. Ronnie said that was her idea. Howard asked if she was in a bikini on the ATV. Ronnie said she had one on under her clothes. He said they went swimming out there on the ride. He said when they stop they go swimming. Howard asked if the dudes were staring at her. Ronnie said there were other chicks there. He said they were hot like her. Ronnie said there were a ton of people there.
Howard asked what Ronnie was wearing. Ronnie said he had boxers on. He said some guys were wearing Speedos. He said that's funny. Howard said he took his kids on vacation once and there was a guy walking around in his Speedo. He said he had this big, bulging cock in it. Howard said his daughter was laughing and he named the guy Penis Colada. Howard said his kids loved that. He said the next day the guy was walking around with his son in the same kind of bathing suit.
Ronnie said they went out on a cruise and people were drinking. He said he didn't get crazy stupid himself. He said they had a happy hour at the hotel but he didn't do that. He said he drank a little bit but didn't go crazy.
Howard asked if he got recognized down there. Ronnie said he was recognized a lot actually. He said there were a lot of people from Connecticut there. He said he had one guy following him around and hiding. He said Stephanie spotted the guy. Ronnie said the guy grabbed him before he left and said he lives out near Gary. He said he was nice to the guy.
Howard asked if he brought his cock rings to Aruber. Ronnie said he forgot them. Howard asked if he was having sex down there. Ronnie said every day they did it. He said every day they were there they did it. Howard asked if he came every time. Ronnie said he did it twice one day. Ronnie said they went on a cruise one afternoon that Jon Hein told him about. He said there were 20 people and they serve drinks and grilled cheese sandwiches. He said they go snorkeling and they come back when the sun is setting. Howard said this is funny. He wished he had a film of this. He said it's just so funny. He said he ends up in boats with guys like this when he goes on vacation. He said that's why he doesn't go.
Howard asked if they had sex on the boat. Ronnie said they did when they got back to the hotel. Ronnie said they were going to go out to dinner and when they were changing it happened. Howard asked how it goes down. Ronnie said she was getting naked to get in the shower. He said then it happens. Ronnie said they got in the shower together.
Howard asked if it's cold in the shower. Ronnie said it's not cold. Fred and Howard did their Ronnie impressions and goofed on him about the sex in the shower thing. Howard asked how long it lasted. Ronnie said it was maybe 10 minutes. Howard asked if he rubbed her clit. Ronnie said he did.
Howard took a call from a guy who called in from Aruba who said that his wife left him after he used some of Ronnie's sex tips on her. Howard thanked him for the call.
Howard asked Ronnie what they did after the sex. They went to dinner. Ronnie said everyone down there was friendly. He said it's a great place. Howard asked if any dancing went on. Ronnie said they were hanging out on the beach one night. He doesn't like the sand to have sex so he didn't do it there. He said he just hangs out listening to music on his iPod. He said Stephanie loaded up his iPod and he listened to all of the Bon Jovi albums. He said he's really excited about him coming in. Howard said Jon will be coming in.
Howard said Ronnie was sending out pictures of Stephanie on twitter. Ronnie said he was sneaking them in. He said he did show them to her first though. He said it was really cool down there. He said one restaurant had like 60 craft beers. He said he told Richard about that.
Howard said he has audio of Richard talking to people on the street about Ronnie tweeting pictures of women. Howard played the clip and people sounded like they were disgusted by his behavior.
Howard took a call from a guy who said they have to have Ronnie on more often. He said he loves when Howard and Fred do the impression of him. Howard said they do that all day long. Howard said imagine being in Aruber walking around. Ronnie said his next trip is to ''Florider'' before Thanksgiving. He said they're going to a NASCAR race down there. He said she likes going to the races. Ronnie said they're going to Miami. Howard asked if he's worried about Zika. Ronnie said he's not worried about anything.
The caller asked if they have gotten the show about the strip clubs going yet. Howard said that Howie wasn't able to find one buyer for that show. Howard said that could have been a big money maker. Howard said he had some big fantasies about that show but he didn't think it would fly. Howard said they lost steam with it. Ronnie said they were hoping Spike TV would pick it up.
Howard took anther call from a guy who asked if they're going to do any more Halloween sex tips. He said he loved them last year. Ronnie said he thinks they'll use the ones from last year. Howard asked if Ronnie is done with that. Ronnie said he has new ones from Aruber. He said Stephanie gave him one that he won't tell him now. He said it's something she tried out. He said he's going to do a sex tip with it. Howard said he wants him to do it now. Ronnie said he has to talk to his cohorts about it. Howard and Fred did their impression of Ronnie and had Ronnie having a jellyfish sting her pussy and things like that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he can't think of anything grosser than Ronnie in the shower naked. He said his balls must drag on the floor.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he loves hearing what year Ronnie was born. He said it makes him laugh. Ronnie was born in 1949. The caller said he's the same age as his dad. He said his dad sits home all day. Ronnie said he could never do that. Howard asked what the best invention is he's seen in his life. Fred answered for him saying ''Pony express.''
Howard took a call from a guy who said he checked out Ronnie's Twitter and Stephanie looked amazing but Ronnie has to get some Just for Men or something. Ronnie said he gave that up. The caller said it looked like a grandfather with his granddaughter on vacation. Robin said that's true. Howard played a song parody about Ronnie after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked how old the older people were at the resort. Ronnie said he wasn't the oldest one there. He said some of them were older. Howard went to break a short time later.
- Lenny Dykstra Sex Tips. 10/20/16. 9:20am
Next on today's replay show they played a segment where Howard played some Lenny Dykstra sex tips. Here's my rundown:
Pussy Eating Tips From Lenny Dykstra. 10/17/16. 8:10am
After the break they played a Jack and Rod Show bit where Sal and Richard talked to an author about her book and had fake Hillary Clinton talking to her until she passed out. Then they had the author impersonate Clinton. They also played a fake Clinton and Trump bit.
Howard came back and said that's what Trump was thinking during the debate. Howard played more of the audio of fake Trump talking about a woman being a 5.
Howard said he straightened out the Lenny Dykstra thing. He said he sent them some pussy eating tips. Howard said they observed that Ronnie and Lenny have a certain kind of sexuality. Howard said Lenny sent in some tips for them. Howard said Lenny is the spokesperson for ReboundFinance.com so he plugged that.
Howard asked Robin to tell him if the tips make sense to her. Howard played one of Lenny's pussy eating tips and Robin asked him to stop it because she's already grossed out. Howard had to start it over again. Lenny said before you can do your art work you have to make sure the canvass is clean. Lenny said you have to just clean that thing with soap first. He said you do your part and he'll do his. Howard said that's more of a tip for the ladies. Howard said he's basically saying ''Wash your pussy.''
Howard said they have to see if he can get into more. Howard played another pussy eating tip from Lenny Dykstra. Howard said hopefully this is something for the guys. Howard played the clip and Lenny said you want to lick all around the pussy first. He said then you graze the clit. He made some kissing sounds. Howard said that's it, he's grosser than Ronnie. Howard played more of him making that sound. Lenny said then you kiss it more and then pull back. He said then you talk about how beautiful that pussy is. Howard said then they call the cops on you.
Howard did an impression of Lenny talking about what he'd do to that pussy. He said he's trying to get his sexy voice. Robin asked why guys think that's sexy. Howard said Robin is right out of the room if he starts doing that.
Howard played another pussy eating sex tip from Lenny. Lenny said that he had his teeth taken out. He said a lot of men can't do that because they're not dedicated to their profession. Lenny said you have to start there. He said the woman ''will come like she's never came.'' Howard did his impression of Lenny and talked about tossing coins in the pussy like a wishing well.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she just started listening and she's gay. Howard said many who hear Lenny turn gay. The caller said Lenny Dykstra's are so gross she doesn't know what he's talking about. She said she just became gay listening to them. She said she's been with a lot of beautiful women. She said that she thinks that Ronnie is less gross than Lenny.
Howard took a call from Balls who said he never thought he'd find someone who would out gross Ronnie. Howard played another Lenny pussy eating tip. Lenny was talking about using his tongue and how you can go deeper without your teeth getting in the way. Howard said it might be time for another break. He did a live commercial read and then went to break.
- Jeff The Drunk Coughing. 10/20/16. 9:40am
Next on today's replay show they played a segment where Howard talked about Jeff the Drunk's coughing. Here's my rundown:
Calls, Coughing Fits And More. 10/18/16. 7:40am
After the break Howard came right back and took a call from a guy who said he has some thoughts on Jeff the Drunk's cough. He said it sounds like Blue Iris' laugh. Howard said he used to smoke weed when he was a kid. He said his mother worked for one year and worked as an inhalation specialist. Howard said she would come home and tell him about what she had to do. Howard said she told him about how she worked this machine and she wasn't mechanically oriented. Howard was doing his mother's voice while talking about this. He had her talking about the patient who had trouble breathing and she had to suck out the phlegm into this machine. Howard said he listened to that and he was ready to puke. Howard said while she was doing that he was at home jerking off. He said he'd make drinks while she was out. Howard said he'd make a Whisky Sour. He said he'd drink that and light up a doob out in the garage. He said he was like 16 years old at the time. Howard said that was his way of relaxing. He said the weed was the worst too. He said he might as well have smoked his shoe.
Howard said he had a group of guys who came over to his house. He said they were anti-Semitic but they liked him for some reason. Howard said they'd smoke weed and he'd make a vat of Whisky Sours. Howard said then one day he met this girl from another school. He said she thought he was happening. She didn't know he was a dweeb. Howard said he asked her to come over to his house after school. He said he picked her up and brought her into the garage. Howard said she should have left right then. Howard said he mixed up the Whisky Sours for her. Howard said imagine this scene smoking weed and drinking. Howard said then they went to his bedroom and had sex. Howard said she started crying immediately and called her boyfriend. Howard said he must be some charmer. Howard said he drove her home and she cried the whole way home. Howard said he asked her if he could see her again. He said he was nervous his father would see the phone bill and get upset.
Howard said his parents never drank so they never noticed he was drinking. Howard said the only time they broke it out was when they had friends over and they didn't have friends. Howard said he had to sedate himself for the misery that he calls his life.
Howard said his mother would tell him about how horrible her life was. He said one day she told him that the reason her egg salad was good was because of the wooden bowl she uses. Howard said she washes it in the sink and never puts it in the dishwasher. Howard said he was on ludes that day so he'd go out and lay in the back yard to get away from that story. Howard said she'd tell him about the natural oils in the salad bowl and all of that.
Howard said he yelled at Jeff about smoking yesterday because of that cough he has. Howard said you have to hear this new tape. He said in this one he's coughing and blowing his nose at the same time. Howard played the clip and Jeff starts coughing and goes on with that for a few seconds. Then he starts blowing his nose in the middle of that so he's coughing and blowing at the same time. The caller said Jeff has to be shitting his pants at the same time too.
Howard said Jeff looks like Jabba the Hutt and he has his tongue hanging out. He said it's remarkable. The caller said he's a pot head and he's been smoking a long time. He said he has had some accidents himself so Jeff has to be shitting himself. He said he should be talking to Jeff's shit stain as well as The Lump. Howard said he should. He let the caller go after that.
Howard said they took that cough and played it for people on the street saying it was Hillary Clinton. Howard played some of the responses they were getting from people on the street. Someone said that person should go to the E.R.
Howard said a CNN anchor named Poppy Harlow had a coughing fit the other day on the air. Howard said she once passed out during a news report too. Howard said that's a cute name for a girl. He likes that Poppy. Howard played the clip of her having her coughing fit. Howard played the clip of her passing out on the air too. She was doing a report and she starts mumbling and then passes out.
Fake Donald Trump Calls In. 10/18/16. 7:50am
Howard said he has Trump on the phone. He said they were all over the news yesterday. Robin said one guy started off talking about how no one saw all of this coming but one journalist had a big impact on the election and that journalist was Howard Stern. Howard said his interviews do make news. Howard said Melania was on FOX and Friends blaming him saying he can get anyone to say anything. Howard said it's like he has a super power. Howard said he was surprised Melania was saying that. Howard played a clip of Melania talking about him and Billy Bush. She said they hook Donald on and try to get from him some ''inappropriate'' and dirty language.
Howard said he heard some other republican dude saying that too. Robin said she read a story about how Howard Stern played Donald Trump.
Howard had Donald Trump on the phone. Fake Donald said Howard is out to get him. He called him ''Crooked Howard.'' Howard said the republican establishment is abandoning him. Trump said he's going to be so racist from now on that it'll make your Jew head spin.
Howard asked Trump what's going on with his fat shaming. Donald said that looks like a job for his P.R. chick with the great rack. He had her fixing things he said. Howard let Trump go a short time later. Howard wished him luck and said goodbye. Fake Trump just kept saying ''yes.''
Roger Waters Discussions. 10/18/16. 7:55am
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's been unfair with Roger Waters. He said that he's not anti-Semitic. He said it's all about politics and not about the religion. Howard said he disagrees with him. The caller gave his thoughts on what's going on. Howard said he's not going to sit there and argue with him about Roger Waters. Howard said what he knows is that Roger Waters does a concert and he has a Jewish star on a pig. He said he has his anti-Israel comments and he doesn't look like a lover of Jews. Howard said he's heard him say he's not an anti-Semite. He said maybe that's true. Howard said there are many counties that are in places they don't belong. Howard said this country is one of them. Howard said that there is plenty of land around that area for people to live. The caller said he's wrong. Howard told the guy to suck his dick and hung up on him.
Howard said Israel is a friend to this country. Howard said he's not sure where the Jews are supposed to go. Howard said they found this empty desert and they formed this country there. Howard said it's a shit hole that they found to live in. Howard said they gave them a sandy desert and now it's an oasis that everyone wants. Howard said everyone has rejected the Palestinian people. Howard said don't give him any of this nonsense. Howard said maybe he has it all wrong. He said much of his family was wiped out by the Holocaust. Howard said he's not sure why Roger Waters is so focused on this one thing. He said Roger was saying a lot of shit and now Roger is mad at him but who gives a fuck?
Howard said he has run into Roger a few times. He said they had him on the show and talked about his band Pink Floyd. He said he's a fan of the band but Roger not so much. He said he's not going to shut up about it. Howard said he got up at Oldchella and had to make a whole speech. Howard said it's a rock concert. Howard said he's worried about Israel. Howard said he's not worried about it. Howard said the guy is charged up about it. Howard said he doesn't know why he's so obsessed. Howard asked where he's from. Robin said England. Howard said he should go back there and worry about that.
Robin asked what the guy meant when he said Howard is wrong about us occupying the Indian lands. Howard said of course he's wrong about that. He said go read a history book. Howard said welcome to the world. He said sometimes people take over land.
Howard said he's had it. He said he doesn't want to hear the bullshit anymore. He said the Jews take up such a small part of the world. He said Roger Waters is rolling in dough and he's busy trying to solve the problem. Howard said just sit here and play ''Hey You.'' Howard said this fucking guy can't even get along with his own band. Howard said they all can't stand the guy so much that they had to split up the songs. Howard said he's worried about Israel and he can't solve his own band problem. Robin said he's right. He should fix Pink Floyd and not worry about Israel. Robin said this is a little more complex.
Howard took a call from a guy who said fuck Roger Waters and just talk about Ronnie's sex tips. He said just have the guys on the show come in and don't take calls. Howard said he's right. Howard said no more calls. The caller said Ronnie is the best. Howard said alright and hung up on him in the middle of him talking.
Howard said Ronnie is going to ''Florider'' next. Howard said he went to ''Aruber.'' Howard said they have a song of Ronnie singing about that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if John Mayer is going to come in. Howard said he thinks his people are afraid he'll say something that will get him in trouble. Gary said he thinks they're waiting for an album to come out. Gary said he's been out with the Grateful Dead. Howard said they do want to get him in there. Howard said he can't wait for Sarah Jessica Parker to come in today. He said Beth knows he has a little crush on her. He said he loves her new show ''Divorce.'' He said Beth said that his girlfriend was coming in today. He said she's had some career. He said she played Annie on Broadway at like 9 years old. Howard said she was in that movie ''L.A. Story'' with Steve Martin too. Howard said they sent her a treadmill so she'd be ripped for the movie. Howard wondered if that bothered her. Howard said he has to ask her about that.
Howard had the clip of Ronnie singing his version of ''Kokomo.'' He played that, did a live commercial read and then went to break.
- Lisa Lampanelli. 10/20/16. 10:10am
Next on today's replay show they played the Lisa Lampanelli interview. Here's my rundown:
Lisa Lampanelli Visits. 10/17/16. 9:05am
After the break they played a JD song parody, a Bobo tip for calling into the Howard Stern show and a prank call to a pest control business where they had clips of Howard talking about being sprayed down with pesticide. They also played a ''Beetlejuice the Musical'' commercial parody. They played a Billy Joel's ''Streetlife Serenade'' as they were coming back.
Howard came back and sang along with the Billy Joel song. He said he has Lisa Lampanelli there now. Howard said she has blue hair. Lisa said she's glad he finally had her back. She said she hasn't had sex in 4 years now. She said her clit just asked if she can start seeing other people. Lisa said that she lost weight down there. Howard said she had a gastric bypass. Lisa said she has a sleeve. She said that it's the best thing she ever did in her life. She said she feels like a kid again. Howard said she was obese. Lisa said she was 248 pounds and she's 5'9'' tall. She said she has to eat tiny portions still. She said she can't eat through this thing. Howard asked what she weighs now. Lisa said she's like 141 pounds now.
Howard asked if Lisa is doing roasts anymore. Lisa said she turned down one and then another and now they don't ask her anymore. She said she has said she retired from the roasts unless Howard asks her to do one. Howard said she's so fabulous at the roasts. Howard said she did the roast of Donald Trump and it was fabulous. Howard said it's gotten a second life now. Howard said she's so great at it. Howard said she brings the house down. Howard said she's decided not to do them now. Lisa said it's not a challenge now. Lisa said she has a team of 3 guys she worked with on them. Lisa said she'd do it if a friend asked her to do it. She said she would do it for Howard or Don Rickles. Lisa said she's met Don a few times. Howard asked if he was an inspiration. Lisa said she has his album ''Hello Dummy'' on vinyl. Howard said Don is still on top of it at his age.
Howard said he heard that Lisa was called a fatso at a comedy show once and she went home and wrote some comebacks. Lisa said she did. She said she tells that as the story that changed her whole life in her play ''Stuffed'' that she's there to promote.
Lisa said that they yelled at one comic to bring back the fat chick. She said she went home and wrote for 6 hours so she had comebacks for anyone who called her fat. She said she was ready. Then it never happened again. Lisa said you're ready and prepared and you never need it like a boy scout.
Howard asked if she ever decided to plant someone in the audience. Lisa said she never had to. She said she just turned it around and insulted them first.
Howard asked how old she was when she decided to be a comic. Lisa said she was 30. She said she was a journalist before that. Howard asked how that got started. Lisa said she knew she could do it. She said she was working as a fact checker at Rolling Stone and she told this guy she worked with that she wanted to try it. She said she took a comedy class with this guy Michael Jackson in Connecticut and she was off and running. Howard asked if she learned anything. She said she learned how to structure a 5 minute set. She said that's all she needed. She said you can't teach someone how to be funny.
Lisa said you have to write about things you hate. She said that's what works. Howard said when he prepares for the show he writes down one liners and that's what he writes about.
Howard asked Lisa about getting started at 30. Lisa said you have a personality already at that age. Howard asked if she tweets a lot. Lisa said she has learned to keep it bland on Twitter. She said that it may not come across the right way when you Tweet. She said she won't apologize for something she wrote on there though. Howard said they can't see your face when you write on there.
Lisa said she had to apologize to one guy in the audience because she was doing material about autism and he has an Autistic kid. Lisa said she apologized to him and you have to pick and choose when you do that.
Howard asked Lisa about her marriage to Jimmy Big Balls. Lisa said they broke up but she introduced him to his new wife. She said that she thinks they both lost weight and they didn't have anything in common after that. Lisa said that things just weren't working out. Lisa said she doesn't want to get with another guy now. She said she can't believe how lucky she is. She said she doesn't even masturbate. She said she thinks she shut down physically. Lisa said they say she has no testosterone now. She said that she is still attracted to the losers with the dream. Howard said she's attracted to the guy who is trying to make it in the band. Lisa said then she tries to save them. Lisa said if it comes into her life that's fine. She said that sex isn't even an issue.
Lisa said in college food was her friend. She said that she ate a lot in college. She said she gained that ''Freshman 50'' in college. Howard said she must have been making a lot of doody. Lisa said she doesn't remember that. She said after the gastric surgery she wasn't able to shit. Lisa said she got a hemorrhoid from pushing so much. She said she lost her hair from not eating enough. Lisa said it grew back though.
Howard said Lisa did The Apprentice. Howard said Lisa was on the show and Donald would confide in her. Lisa said he never tried to grab her pussy. She said this was funny. Lisa said she was an obese broad at the time. She said Donald liked her as a guy. She said he would compliment the women and tell them how good they looked. Lisa said then he'd start saying to her ''Lisa... doesn't Teresa look terrific today?'' Howard said he was giving her locker room talk like a guy. Howard asked if she liked Trump. Lisa said she did.
Lisa said that Eric Trump has her do this charity show every year. She said they get like 3 million a night when they do this charity. Lisa said she was invited to Eric Trump's wedding. She wasn't able to go because she was working. SHE said she doesn't dislike Trump but she doesn't think that he'd make a good President.
Howard asked Lisa about the roasting thing because she's so good at it. Howard said it seems like a crazy career move to walk away from it. Lisa said it's not always a career move. Lisa said her father went into hospice a few years ago and he told her that just because she's good at something she doesn't have to do it. She said it's so hard to prepare for this roast stuff. She said it's like a month. Lisa said she wrote stuff for Howard and she's the only guest who has homework. Howard said they asked her to roast anyone she wants. Howard said he didn't know that she had to work on it. Lisa said it's worth it for Howard.
Howard asked if he should be quiet during this. Lisa said he can laugh. Lisa said it was a huge surprise that Howard showed up for something that didn't have a kitten involved today. Lisa goofed on Howard about his work with North Shore and speaking of neglected pussies, Robin is there. She had some material about Robin. She got in a plug for her play ''Stuffed'' too. Howard asked where that is. Lisa said it's at the WP Theater. She said she had like 90 percent men at the show last night.
Howard asked if they're going to make it into a movie. Lisa said she'd like to have it off Broadway continuously. Lisa said it's got 4 women who have eating disorders. She told Howard more about the play and what it's about. She said she's very happy with it. Lisa said she likes doing that but also doing comedy.
Howard asked Lisa to do more roasting. Lisa had some Donald Trump material. Lisa said Trump has put down more women than breast cancer. Lisa had some material about his small hands and his hair. Lisa said when she sees him on TV it reminds her to have her vagina waxed. Lisa had some material about Trump's sniffing during the debates and how he has more fluid in his hair than Larry King's piss bag. Lisa did some material about Larry King too. Lisa had Howard cracking up.
Lisa said she has some George Takei material too. She said he came to her play. Lisa did some material about him and said he's so gay that his Chapstick is cock flavored. Lisa had some material about High Pitch Erik too. Lisa had some material about Hillary Clinton too. Lisa had some Bill Cosby material and Anthony Weiner too. Howard asked if she ever liked Cosby. Lisa said she always hated that outdated shit. Lisa said that she never would have guessed he'd be a raper or anything but when he bought the Little Rascals stuff she knew something fishy was up.
Lisa said she's angry with people saying Howard doesn't work enough. SHE asked if she's going to negotiate having Ronnie drive him past the studio and yell out his window next time. Howard said that's a good idea actually.
Lisa goofed on Dancing with the Stars and Howard watching it. She said he should take up something less effeminate and jack off to Channing Tatum or sniffing Ronnie's cock ring. Lisa said that's all she's got. She said she did it for Howard.
Howard said Lisa gave up her spot on the Charlie Sheen roast so Amy Schumer could do it. Lisa said she didn't know who Amy was at the time. She said she came up to her on an airplane once and thanked her for giving up that spot because it got her the job on Comedy Central. Lisa said that meant a lot to her.
Howard asked Lisa if she feels she got secure enough that she got gracious. Lisa said she knows she'll never be the skinniest or best looking person. She said she's just enough. Howard asked if she's apologizing to people now because she used to be so angry. Lisa said she used to be really angry and after losing the weight and adopting that dog she changed. Lisa said you open your heart to one dog and you open up to all dogs. Lisa said they were adopting dogs out at her show the other night. She said she held her first cat ever and she was going to adopt that cat if it got along with her dog.
Howard said yesterday his wife brought home a mother cat with six two day old kittens. Howard said they're living in his bathroom. Howard said it's unbelievable that someone kicked the cat out and threw them on the street. Lisa asked if he feels his heart just open. Howard said yes.
Howard said Lisa opened her heart but did she open up to these comics. Lisa said that she used to get mad and upset at Joan Rivers for saying she was a one trick pony. Lisa said that Patrice O'Neill was mean to her too. She said so was Greg Giraldo. She said that they're all dead now. Howard said it had to hurt when Joan did it. Lisa said it comes out as anger when she would be asked about it. Lisa said she was in the middle of a move once an Lisa G was there asking her if she heard that Joan said. Lisa said we're all dented cans. She said we're all just trying to do the best we can.
Howard asked why Greg was mean to her. Lisa said that he had his problems and he was mean. Lisa said that she would get angry at times. She said she realized she was just some asshole staying in a hotel so she got it in check.
Lisa said once she stopped looking at herself as just anyone else she was fine. Howard asked if her friends get jealous of her success. Lisa said she has had a friend for 30 years and she's very blessed. She said that she has a game night at her house in Connecticut. She said her mother is 87 so they play whatever she's into. Lisa said they're all old, un-famous or crippled. She said Howard would love her boring life. Howard said boredom equals happiness to him. Howard said he tried to stay up late last week and he was miserable.
Howard said they say that Lisa is always cold now that she lost weight. Lisa said she f'd up her system with her Yo-Yo dieting. Howard asked if she had skin hanging off. Lisa said most people do but she worked out and she's tall so she doesn't have that problem. Lisa said she runs now and she's going to run on Thanksgiving. She said her nieces and nephews run with her so she can't let them down.
Howard said Lisa has done it again. Howard said she's evolving again. Howard said she's now a playwright. Howard said she has the show Stuffed at the WP Theater. Howard said you can go to InsultComic.com for ticket information and stand up dates.
Howard played the Beetlejuice clip where he said ''Lisa Lamalovely'' or something like that. Howard said that should be her name.
Howard said he loves Lisa. He said he keeps track of what she says about him too and she's always very good to him. Howard gave her some more plugs and wrapped up with her. They went to break after that. They played a couple of songs and bits as they went to break.
- Brent Hatley In Studio. 10/20/16. 10:55am
Next on today's replays they played a segment where Howard talked to Brent Hatley about stolen valor and more. Here's my rundown:
Brent's Military Service Discussed. 10/18/16. 8:15am
After the break Howard came right back and took a call from a guy who said he wanted to talk about that guy who called yesterday about Brent not being in the military. Howard said he loves stolen valor tapes. He said they're so great. He said they're guys in the military confronting guys who are pretending to be in the military. Howard said there's one guy who spends all day going out finding these guys. Howard said Brent was in the Marines for 4 years and served in Iraq. Howard asked what a gunner is. Robin said he was in a helicopter and he was a gunner in the helicopter.
Brent came in and said he was manning a 50 caliber gun in the helicopter. He said they have a belt fed gun. Howard asked how much he hit. Brent said he's not sure. Howard said that's cool. Howard asked if he likes firing guns. Brent said not these days. He said back then he had to. Brent said you take your M-16 and shoot from different distances. He said he hit 9 out of 10 bullseye from 500 yards once. He said that he did that without a scope. He said that was after just 2 weeks of training. Brent said once you do that you're ready to go. He said the trainers are the best.
Brent said the further away he got the better he was. He said his breathing might not have been right. He said he would get better if he was flat on his belly. He said in the standing position he hit 4 out of 4 from 300 yards standing. He said that was with the M-16. He said standing is the hardest thing to do.
Howard asked how many pound trigger pull that is. Brent didn't know. He said that you just make sure you don't jerk the trigger. Howard said Lee Harvey Oswald was a Marine. Brent said he wasn't that good a shot either.
Howard asked if he carried a pistol too. Brent said he did carry a 9mm Beretta. Howard asked if he threw a grenade. Brent said he did. He said they used a live grenade in training. Brent said they practice the first half of the day. He said they put blue pins in the practice grenades. He said if you fuck up you have to put a blue pin on your helmet. Howard said they should do that around there when someone fucks up.
Howard said he'd worry about someone fucking up and dropping the grenade. He said it's the same thing with the guns. Brent said that the drill instructors in the shooting are really nice to you. He said they check you now to make sure you don't have any live rounds when you go back to the barracks.
Howard asked about jerking off there in the military. Brent said they might put salt peter in the food because he didn't get a boner for 3 months. Howard said he would bang anyone at that age. He said he was all charged up. The caller said he had a wet dream when he was in the military.
Howard took a call from the guy who called in yesterday about blowing Brent. He said Brent was able to fire a load into his mouth from 700 yards. He said he just wanted to confirm his accuracy.
Brent said he took the test to get into the military. Howard wondered who fails that test. Robin said there are people who do. Brent said that the test is a real test and it's not easy. He said anyone who comes in below 50 goes right into the infantry. Brent said he missed one question on the test. He said he was going to be a computer specialist but the Marines challenged him so he went in there instead.
Howard said that Ronnie was in the reserves he thinks. Brent said you have to take the test to get in there too. Howard said Sal took the test and they made him a stockbroker. Howard said they should give the guys there the test. Brent said he's sure they could get a copy.
Howard said they figured out that Brent did not steal valor. He really served. Howard said the stolen valor guys are really not good at it either. Brent said that guys who are in the military don't wear their uniforms when they're out. He said you're not supposed to do that when you're not on active duty. Howard said he loves those videos when they ask the guy where he served and they say ''the 35th'' and they asked ''35th what?''
Howard said he has some friends who are active military and they're everything he's not. Howard said they're real men. He said he loves these guys. Howard said he really does value what they do. Howard said then you see some asshole trying to get that rub and that valor and he loves it when they're confronted. Brent said he loves that too. He said he loves it when they chase the guys.
Howard said there aren't a lot of things worse than that. Benjy said there's murder, rape and things like that. Howard said he's bringing him down. Robin said it is bad to steal valor. Howard said he just stole his conversation from him. Howard asked him to give him back his sanity because he just stole it.
Brent said he thinks that it's legal to steal valor. He said it's like a first amendment thing. Brent said it's fraud though.
Howard let the caller go and said that he has to go. He said Brent has to get back to work too. Howard said Brent is a real man. Howard said he can't believe he lost the election he was in. Howard said he looked Scary in his campaign commercial. Howard said you don't wear sunglasses in a commercial like that. Brent said he was in a strange state of mind at the time. He said he was still working for Bubba and they had a lawsuit going on and other things too. Brent said he got a little arrogant with that election.
Fred played some of the audio of Brent's TV commercial that ran when he was running for city council. Howard pretended he was seeing it for the first time and seeing that guy from Bubba's show who used to throw shit into a fan. Howard said he's out of mind for approving that message. Howard said that was one take Brent too. Howard asked what that song is. Fred said it's the Brent Hatley march.
Howard said that music reminds him of those carousels that have the horses going up and down. Howard said it just keeps repeating. Howard asked if Bubba was backing his campaign. Brent said he gave him a generous donation. Howard said no wonder he got rid of him. Howard asked if he speaks to Bubba. Brent said he spoke to him a couple of months ago and he's holding up. He said he's out of his mind. He said he saw that he wrote ''Nice tits'' to Ronnie when he posted a picture of Stephanie. Howard said he has to go. He was going to let the caller go but the caller said he saw some action over there in Iraq. He said they had a lot of shit happen. Howard said you have to be real brave to go over there. Howard said he really has to go. He said that's enough military talk.
Howard said he has to pee real bad. He said he was up a couple of times last night peeing. He said he's a little cranky. Howard said a lot of people were emailing him about the Trump tapes and all of that. Howard said he doesn't even know what he said. He said he just said he can't wait for the election to be over. Robin said he also said that he knows what he's looking for when he interviews people and he got Trump to talk about women and sex. Robin said he was doing it in the spirit of the show and he won't replay the tapes because that would be a betrayal of the guest. Howard said he made headlines over that. He said some were for and some were against him. He said he was just stating the facts.
Howard said he has to go fix his hair. He said Sarah Jessica is on her way up. He said he has to fix his hair and fluff it up a little bit.
Robin said they say that Ryan Lochte popped a boner on Dancing with the Stars last night. Howard said he hasn't been watching lately. Robin said it was Latin night. Howard said he's not sure how you do that on TV. He said there's no way he'd pop a boner on TV. Robin said they say he had a boner when his partner ripped his pants off in their dance routine. They went to break after that.
Today's show was over around 11:20am.