| Monday | Tuesday |
|
|
| Wednesday | Thursday |
|
|
| Friday | |
|
Howard was back live this morning after a week long vacation. He started off the show saying that some people get upset that they go away but he said that the replays are just as good as when they're on. He doesn't get why people get so upset. He and Artie said that they should have enough to play now that they could retire now. Howard said that the replays had more entertaining stuff than what he had planned for today.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who asked Artie if he fell off the wagon while they were on vacation. Artie said he didn't so Howard moved on. Artie said that he never said he was on the wagon. Howard said that guy claimed he wanted to talk about Merv Griffin's death, not about Artie.
Howard got to Merv Griffin since that's what the caller claimed he was going to talk about. He said that Johnny Carson really didn't mean all that much to him but Merv's show really did. He talked about some of the things he remembered seeing on the show when he was younger. He said that Merv seemed to enjoy the guests he had on the show while Carson didn't. He said he liked Merv and the way he came off on his show.
Howard said that Merv created Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune and he was also close to coming out with a new show that would have featured crossword puzzles. He said Merv was able to sell the Jeopardy game for $250 million and kept making future earnings from the show.
Howard said he had a weird run in with Merv's son Tony one time. He said he was out at an event with Mary McCormack, his movie wife, and she was doing some little piece to show she could play Janice Joplin. Merv's son owned this club she was going to use to do this thing. Howard was there and Tony came running out and yelling at him for saying stuff about his dad being gay on his show. Howard said that there were some accusations made by other people that were read on the show and his son really took offense to that.
Gary came in and said that they had the channel 9 show back then. Denny Terrio was on and Howard recreated the scene where Howard was dressed as Merv and dry humped Gary and raped him as Merv. Howard and Robin didn't remember doing those things. Howard said he can't remember that stuff at all.
Howard got back to the Tony story and said that he asked him to step outside when he confronted him at the club that day. He said that he was confronted when Mary was in the bathroom so she had no idea what had gone on. She suggested that he leave when he told her what had just gone on.
Howard got back to Merv and talked about some of the things he did in his career. He was in some big movies early on in his career and had the first tongue kiss in a movie. Artie said that the guy created Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune which are two huge things right there. Howard read that he was worth only $500 million when he died though. Fred said that maybe that's just what they're reporting but he could have had more. Artie said if the guy had that much when he died, he obviously earned over a billion.
Howard said that he doesn't do broadcasts like Merv did but he really enjoyed him when he had his own show. He said he felt bad when he read that he had died. He thought highly of him and he thought of him as a generous type of guy. He wasn't all neurotic like Johnny was.
Artie and Howard talked about the stuff Merv did and how much money he must have made doing those game shows. Gary said that Merv also wrote the theme song for Jeopardy and retained the rights for it when he sold the show. JD came in and said that Merv made $80 million on that song alone.
Howard said that one report said Merv was worth $1.3 billion in 2003. That seemed closer to what he was thinking he was worth. Melrose Larry Green called in and claimed that Merv once told him that he was a big fan of Howard's. Howard said that anyone would say that if they saw Melrose coming up to them. The guys talked about how scary Melrose can be when he approaches people.
Melrose said that Artie did better than the Goo Goo Dolls, The Beach Boys, Poison and others when he performed out in Pittsburgh. He grossed more than any of them at the place he appeared at. Howard thanked him for that and hung up on him.
Artie said that he has some good news for Howard. This year they're going to be roasting Pat Cooper at the Friar's Club. He said that Howard might want to come to that. Howard said that there's a lot of material there and he's got plenty to goof on him about. Artie said that Pat might shoot someone at the roast.
Howard said that they are back live and that's the most important message. He took another phone call from a guy who said that he had seen Howard do the Merv Griffin segment on his Channel 9 show. He said that was the first exposure to Howard. He said he knew that Howard was going to be great if he was ever syndicated back then.
Howard got back to his Merv Griffin discussion and talked about his old TV show. Artie said that Howard is interesting because there aren't many people who would say that they liked Merv more than Johnny Carson. He said there might be more guys out there like him but most wouldn't admit it. Howard said he really did like the guy as a host of a talk show. He was good with his guests and the things he did made you feel like they were genuine.
Howard read through some of the feedback and some people were saying that they thought Bubba was great that day. Others agreed with him exactly and said that Bubba came in and ruined it when he started goofing on Iron Sheik. Some people thought that Sheik should have his own show after hearing him that day. Howard said he's not sure what to think after all of that.
Howard said that someone even said that he himself ruined Sheik's appearance. Sheik had many stories to tell that day and he was being cut off by Howard, Artie and Bubba. One guy said that Sheik should be on as often as George Takei. Howard said that might be something to do. They could have him read some announcements like George does. Howard said they may have to try that.
Howard said he got a bottle of wine from George Takei recently. He and Beth had it during vacation and thought it was really good and must have been really expensive. He said he and Beth looked it up on the internet and found out it was an $84 bottle of wine. He said it was really good and he figured it must have been more than that. He was going to buy a couple of bottles himself because it was so good.
Howard mentioned that Robin's birthday was last week. She showed off the watch that Howard and Beth bought for her. She said it's beautiful and she loves it.
Howard read through some more of the Iron Sheik e-mail. He and the guys also talked about how much fun they had that day dressing up like wrestlers and all. Some people really enjoyed that interview. Howard figured that it must have been one of the top viewed shows on Howard TV.
Howard gave Gange some advice on his diet. He also talked to him about his dating life and Gange said that he doesn't plan on getting married. He said he'd like to have a kid without getting married, kind of like what Artie wants to do. Artie was eating during the discussion and had to stop for a few seconds to finish chewing his bite.
Gange said that he ordered his BLT with mayo this morning and he had to make sure that they got it right for him because someone else had written BLT with no mayo. Howard said he wanted to write him a letter telling him not to eat like that but he thought better of it and didn't bother. Howard said that was enough of Gange and let him go. He pointed out how big he looked from behind as he was walking out. He told him to just skip the bacon. He just needs the LT and no bread.
Howard said he might be ready to give up on chess now. He said he lost a bunch of games last week and almost gave up on it.
Howard said that he and Beth went to see the new Bourne Ultimatum movie and thought that it was just chase scene after chase scene with no content. He said that he was watching the movie ''Zodiac'' on DVD and that was a really good one, much better than the Bourne movie. He said the Bourne thing really has no content like the Zodiac movie did.
Howard said he's been working on the remake of Porky's and they've got two scripts being developed and now they're thinking of combining the two because they both have some really funny jokes in them. He said that he hasn't been concentrating on that so much lately because he's so busy with the radio and TV show. He said that the movie is green lit and they could start shooting as early as October but he doesn't think that's going to happen.
Howard was talking about some of the people he could put in the movie and mentioned Miss Black Howard Stern. He said that she was at Ronnie's block party during vacation. He said he'd talk more about that later. That led to Artie talking about going to Isaac's bachelor party over at Scores during vacation. He said that he had a great time over at Scores for that party. Howard said he hasn't been over there for a while but he will be back eventually.
Artie said that Howard is running with a different crowd now. Howard said he went out with John Bon Jovi and his wife Dorthea one night during vacation. He talked about how delightful Dorthea is but said that she doesn't warm up to you very quick. He said that she comes to dinner with the ''gate up'' kind of like he does himself. He said John told him about how Richie Sambora is doing and also asked about the guy with the curly hair whose name he couldn't remember. John had to tell him that's David.
Artie said that he did a gig at Caroline's this weekend and this woman asked him to sign something and then told him that she'd have him sign her breasts but she didn't have her nipples yet. She had a mastectomy so she had them removed and didn't have nipples on them. Artie said that might be the strangest thing that's ever been said to him. Howard wondered why they'd wait to put in the nips. Artie wasn't sure, he just knew that she told him about her nips being missing.
Artie said that he was at Caroline's Thursday, Friday and Saturday. He told her that she could bring friends so he got her in. He was hoping it would be 3 hot chicks but when she showed up, it was her, a hot chick and two guys from medical school. Artie said that it was like he was competing with med school guys. He said the two guys were looking at him with blank stares on their faces.
Howard said that the girl must have known why she was being invited. Artie said that they got free tickets and free booze and came back to thank him for it. He said that she'd be a great catch if he started dating her. She's 25 and she starts her residency in a couple of years. Howard said they should bring her in. Artie said that might ruin her career. Howard had to go to break after that.
Artie said that one of the guys in the band had overdosed the day they were supposed to perform and it apparently effected the guy negatively.
Howard said that he's got a few things to get to but he brought in Lisa G with her Howard 100 News headlines. She had a new hair style or something but she claimed that it was just out in the sun all weekend. Fred pointed out that she just had a pre-cancerous growth removed from her head and she's still going out in the sun. She said that she put on tons of sunscreen.
Lisa asked to see Robin's watch and said that looked nice. Howard asked her how much weight she's lost because she looks great. Robin said it's now 40 pounds. He told her she looks great.
Lisa said that they're going to have some reports about Ronnie's block party on today's Howard 100 News reports. Howard said he had some tapes from the party too so he'd be playing those later. He mentioned that Ronnie is doing this in his neighborhood and it goes on all night. He said he feels bad for the people who just want to go to bed there in the neighborhood. He said he heard some tapes of Ronnie trying to get women to take their tops off and things like that. There are kids at the block party and Ronnie is yelling about getting tops off.
Howard found some of the audio clips and said that Ronnie hired this DJ from SIRIUS, Louie Devito, to play music there. In the clip Ronnie is talking about how excited the people are to have him there. They were talking about getting girls naked there. Howard said that Ronnie takes any opportunity to be Ronnie the party guy.
Ronnie came in and said he wasn't telling them to do that stuff, that was their decision. He didn't know why he was taking the blame for that stuff. Howard had some clips of Ronnie singing at his party. He told Howard that he didn't call this DJ, the DJ called him and asked him to come.
Howard played the clip of Ronnie singing to this remix of Sweet Caroline that Louie Devito created. Ronnie said that Howard seems to hate when he has fun. He doesn't get it. Howard played a bunch of quick clips of Ronnie singing a few songs and asking women to dance and stuff.
Howard said that the music you hear in the clip is his worst nightmare. He said he hates going to hotels and hearing that kind of music playing. He played more of the tape where Ronnie was asking people not to step on his neighbor's lawn. They had just put down a new lawn so there was tape up trying to keep people off of it.
Gary said that Howard TV has video of Ronnie singing Sweet Caroline. They put that up and watched Ronnie as he did his thing. Howard said that Ronnie looks like a burn victim with those tattoos on his arms. Scott the Engineer did his ''Hands Up'' thing so the Howard TV guys played that. It was a visual thing so Howard didn't spend too much time on that. The guys talked about how Scott can barely move these days. Ronnie said that's because he has a hernia.
Howard played through a few more clips and listened to Ronnie and Louie Devito trying to get one of the interns to dance. Howard asked him if there are any other girls he could deliver to him at his parties. Ronnie said that he made sure that the underage girls didn't drink at the party.
Gary said that some of the interns got to see Ronnie's NASCAR room at his house. Ronnie said that's because they were using the bathroom in there. He said he didn't give them a tour. Lisa said she got to see it too and he does have a lot of stuff down there.
Lisa said she got a lot of hassle over bringing Miss Black Howard Stern to the party. She's been friends with her for a long time. Mike Gange came in and said that JD was acting really weird around her. JD came in and said that she's one of the most fake people he knows and he wanted nothing to do with her. He said that she only came up to him when there was a camera near him. He said he just didn't want anything to do with her at all. Gange told him that if he had that hot chick with him, other hot chicks would think he has something going on. JD told him to leave him alone though.
Howard played a clip of Louie Devito telling Jenna to get naked while he was playing his music. Ronnie said that he had to ask him to stop later on because some people were getting upset. Artie said that guy could have gotten him into trouble doing that stuff. Howard said he was sorry he wasn't there, it sounded great. He sounded a little sarcastic when he was saying that though.
Ronnie told Howard that he wasn't that drunk, he was just having fun there. Gary came in with some pictures that Jason had taken there at Ronnie's house. He's got tons of toys and a giant cut out of Pam Anderson in his basement. Howard laughed and said it looked like a toy store down there in his basement. Ronnie said that he had a replica hood from one of the cars and Artie started to laugh when he saw that. Ronnie didn't like that Jason came to his house and took pictures like that.
Ronnie said that someone actually did coke in his bathroom. He said he had a little mirror in there and it had white powder all over it. Artie said that if you leave a bathroom open at a party, someone is going to do coke. Ronnie said that he's pissed that Jason took pictures. He said ''Fuck you Jason'' when he came in. Jason said he actually didn't take the pictures, everyone else was.
Jason mentioned that Ronnie has a really hot neighbor too. Her name was Loretta and Ronnie said that she just had a kid. Jason said that the DJ booth was down the block from Ronnie's house so when he's yelling out for the girls to get naked, he's yelling up the street to do it.
Ronnie said all of those people had a good time but they won't come in and say that. He said they'll only bash it. Howard took a call from a guy who said that Ronnie bringing coke to the party must have livened things up. Ronnie said that he didn't bring coke in.
Dominic Barbara called in and said that there must have been a lot of people who weren't too thrilled having the get naked comments. Ronnie said that no one ever got naked there. High Pitch Mike called in and said some things to Ronnie that got him all worked up. Ronnie insisted that no one got naked there.
Howard heard that Mike got all excited that they had cotton candy there. He said he did. Dominic asked if anyone complained about the party while it was going on. Ronnie said that no one complained at all. It wasn't even his party, it was a block party that he just participated in.
Lisa G got back to her news report and mentioned a few more things that they'll be covering today. She said that they'll have a story about Bob Levy and his movie premiere that happened over the weekend. Howard let her go after that.
Howard played a clip that they found on the internet where a news reporter was laughing during a report about a deadly accident. Howard said the guy must have been thinking of something else while he was reading the story or something.
Howard said that Richard taped some really funny stuff over the weekend. He was out at a comedy show with Beetlejuice and they were in a hotel trying to find Beet's room but he wasn't able to find it. Beet was going around to the wrong rooms trying to get the door open with his key card. Richard said he figured that he'd just let Beetle do what he wanted and not interfere with his life. He wasn't swiping the card the right way but it didn't matter because he was at the wrong room.
Richard said that people called security so they eventually found the right room. Howard played the audio where Beetlejuice was yelling at a guy and his wife saying that he thinks that it's Bob Levy messing with him. Beetle said that he was starting to get pissed. He told them that he doesn't know who the fuck they think they are but they better open the door.
Richard said that he eventually helped Beetlejuice open the right door. He had to show him how to use the key. Richard said that he had to participate at that point because Beet was threatening to get on a bus and leave at one point.
Howard said Richard took Beetlejuice down to the pool at this hotel and took him swimming in a big American flag bathing suit. Richard said Beet looks really odd now too because his belly is so big. He said that Yucko said that it looked like a black lab swimming around in the pool. Shuli was there too so Howard said he saw him and it looked like a concentration camp guy swimming there. Artie said it looks like he's being bulldozed into a mass grave when he's in the pool. Howard thanked Richard for that and went to break.
Howard said that there was a Baba Booey on a TV channel in Tampa so he played the audio of that. In the clip a caller asked a question about real estate and then threw in the Baba Booey comment and a comment about Howard Stern's penis.
Howard said that Benjy got on WABC TV in the city. He saw them with a live camera and started yelling about Sanjaya. He played the audio of that where they were covering a marathon and Benjy gets on cam and starts yelling about Sanjaya. Howard said that the guy got really physical with him and threw him out of frame. Benjy said he really felt it too. Benjy was trying to say that America got it wrong and didn't keep Sanjaya in. Howard showed Robin the visual that Howard TV had. There was no audio though. When Fred tried to bring it up it gave Howard some weird echo feedback. Howard had some fun with that for a few seconds before moving on to the rest of the Top 5.
The Top 5 included Rhiana, Timberland, Plain White Ts, Fergie and Sean Kingston. Howard said that the Sean Kingston song sounded like ''Stand By Me'' and wondered if there was going to be a lawsuit there. The guys figured that they must have given credit and have to give them a cut of the profits.
Artie asked Howard if he saw the Two Corey's TV show. Howard said he didn't like it. Robin said the show is very contrived. Artie said that they admit that it is too. Howard said the best reality show is Paula Abdul's. Robin said that show is a train wreck but a boring one. Howard said he loves it though. He said that she's really whacked out of her skull.
Gary said that he was on a flight recently and had a crying baby too. He also had a dog in the cabin that was yelping and then there was a 10 year old kid behind him yelping and kicking his chair. Gary said that you're not even allowed to say anything to these people because then you'll be thought of as someone who hates kids or something.
Howard took a call from The Sim who asked how their vacations were. Robin said that she was out in Los Angeles and San Francisco for a few days. She was also up in Martha's Vineyard. Howard said he had a good time just hanging out.
The Sim mentioned a picture he'd seen of Howard in the paper. That got Howard talking about how there were a bunch of concerts out in the Hamptons that didn't have all that many people there. He said that it cost $15,000 for 5 different shows. He was invited to go see some of the shows so he went. He said he noticed that the people there were talking too much though. He just wanted to sit back and enjoy the shows. He was out to see Billy Joel one night and didn't want anyone talking to him so he sat there with his arms folded. That led to the paper writing that he was sleeping. He said that he was actually the only one listening to the concert.
Howard said the James Taylor concert was wild too. He enjoyed that. The Sim asked if he went to the Dave Matthews concert. Howard said he's not familiar with his music so he didn't go. The Sim said he likes the band even though some people say his music is kind of gay.
Eric was on the phone and said that he's trying to get his life back in order. He's going to be working as a laborer at a construction site this week. Artie told him that it's going to be a lot of work and he doesn't think that he's going to be able to handle it. Eric said he's going to do it no matter what it takes.
Howard said that Eric was evicted from his apartment and had to move in with Irish John. Artie said that Eric is going to need some coordination to do this laborer job. Eric said he's going to get paid $10 an hour to do it. He said that when it comes to work he's not lazy. Artie laughed when he heard that. Eric said he's going to work his ass off for that job.
Howard had Irish John on the phone and asked him how it's going. John said that Eric has been very clean while staying at his apartment even though Eric's apartment was filthy. John said that Eric is actually a good guy and he stepped up and helped him out a lot last year. Howard said that was shocking to hear that. He said that he figures Eric will never leave his apartment.
Howard asked Eric if he would have stolen Artie's iPod if he had the chance. Of course he said he wouldn't have done that. Eric said that John asked him to keep his apartment clean so that's what he's doing for him. John said that he left some money out and wasn't afraid that he'd steal it. He said that Eric is more of a scammer than s thief so he trusts him with the money.
Howard said it sounds like Eric is turning things around. Robin wanted to know why Eric wasn't paying his rent. He said that his father got fired from his job and wasn't able to help him out with the rent. Howard told Eric that there are these things called swans that have babies. They eventually chase their babies away brutally and that's what Eric's father should have done a long time ago with his baby boy. He has to go out and get a job and get a life.
John mentioned some pictures he'd seen of Howard and that led to Howard talking about how many people take pictures of him when he goes out. Eric asked Howard if he had any games he could play before he got off the phone. Howard said he didn't have any money today, if he did, he'd just give him the money without playing the game.
Howard played a High Pitch Eric prank call where he called a therapist trying to find someone to help him lose weight. The guys were grossed out by the noises that Eric makes when he's eating.
After that clip Howard played the Jim Cramer clip that Bobo was talking about. In the clip Cramer goes crazy and yells about stuff that Howard didn't understand. He said that he didn't think that much of it when he saw it. He said that he's kind of like that guy in the movie ''Network'' who goes nuts. Robin said he sounds kind of like Scott the Engineer too. That led to Fred playing some of the Scott clips from the day he flipped out after his push-up challenge.
Howard said that Jim Cramer clip was going around to everyone on the internet. He said that he's been watching the internet more than regular TV these days. He said he's seen Beth doing that too. He said that Rosie O'Donnell is doing video stuff on her blog now and that's what a lot of people are doing now. Artie said that a lot of people are doing bits and stuff and throwing them up on YouTube and becoming stars.
Howard said that he and Beth went out to the movies on a Wednesday afternoon and the theater was packed. He said that the theater was packed and you'd think that on a sunny day everyone would be out at the beach or something.
Howard and Robin talked about the old days when not too many people had air conditioning. That led to Artie talking about how his mom would take them to the A&P store when they'd go down to the shore so they could hang out in the air conditioning for a few hours. He said they'd stay there for up to four hours at a time.
Howard read a news story about a French guy who was pouring itching powder in kids pants so they'd have to pull down their pants to scratch. The guy would then take pictures of them.
Howard said he had another animal rescue thing go on. He said that this time it was a goose that was having problems. He and Beth had to shoo it off the road and the thing was hissing at them when they did it.
Howard read a story about a karaoke place where a woman got up and punched some guy when he started singing a Coldplay song. The woman hated the band so much that she got up on stage and yelled at the guy for sucking so bad. She pushed and punched the guy to get him to stop singing.
Howard had Fred dig out the song so he could hear what it was that the woman was freaking out over. Fred played the song and Howard said it's actually a good song. While Fred was playing that he played some fighting sound effects to go along with the story. Howard said he likes the song but Artie said ''Ho-mo!'' to him when he heard that. He said he wasn't going to punch him in the face or anything.
Howard said he's not a huge Coldplay fan but they do have some really good songs. He said that it reminds him of that Ann Murray song that Artie sings. Fred said he likes Artie's song better, he thinks that Coldplay is a ''wimpy U2.'' They played the Artie song and Howard said that it seems like Artie can actually sing. Robin said that's not the case but he does sell it. Artie said that the key to singing is breathing and he's not sure how singers do it.
Howard said that he saw that the doctor who gave Anna Nicole Smith her implants wants to release a video of her last surgery. It's been blocked by Howard K. Stern though. He said that it's weird that people care about her now that she's dead. No one seemed to care when she was alive.
Howard said that there's a new porn movie coming out called ''Long Dong Black Kong'' and there are some people upset that they're referring to black guys as ''black kong.'' Howard read an article about the whole thing and said that they movie company is saying that it's just a parody, the name is totally innocent. The guys talked about that and how a lot of the black on white porn movies are promoted as being ''wrong'' or ''taboo.'' Howard played some audio from one porn movie where the woman is saying the N-word as a black guy is banging her.
Sal had to come in to look at something on Howard's computer and told him that he'll be looking at another movie today called ''Big Black Beef Stretches Little Pink Meat.''
Howard read that there's this new weapon out that can make people vomit. It's a flashlight that changes wavelengths and can make people puke. He figures that Bubba will get a hold of one and use it on his show.
Howard said that someone suggested that he take over for Larry King who he thinks it might be time to hang it up. Howard wanted to thank that reporter, from the Rocky Mountain News, but he wasn't able to find his name. Howard said that maybe when he retires he'd do something like that.
Howard listened to another racist porn clip that the guys put up for him. The woman was using the N-word in that clip of course. Howard said it sounds like those guys are ripping her apart and he doesn't like that. One of the guys said that her pussy was talking or something so the guys wondered what that meant. Howard also said that no white guy could ever make that chick feel the way she does in that clip. She was moaning and screaming like crazy. Fred played some Jackie audio clips since she sounded a little bit like him yelling. Howard said he's never had to calm chicks down when he's having sex.
Richard said that he's not sure what he'd do but he wasn't going to suck Sal's cock. Richard said that he'd stick his toe in Sal's ass. Howard told him that he has to take Sal's toe but then just gave up and gave Richard the underwear.
Sal came running in and said that he was willing to give Richard a skid mark from his forehead to his chin. The guys suggested he just paint Richard's face with his cock instead. Sal said he wasn't sure he wanted to do that. Sal said that he would like to get some money so Howard asked Gary if they had any to give him. He said that they did have $500 courtesy of BeeCeuticals.
Howard told the guys to do this quickly. Sal came in with his ''paintbrush'' and some paint. Fred was laughing when he came in. Sal had some shit brown paint to use on his face. He said he was going to give him some stripes first and started to paint. Richard was getting a few pair of underwear for this while Sal was getting $500.
Sal did some painting and told Richard ''get down there faggot'' as he was doing it. Howard asked Sal to describe it as he was doing it. Robin said it looked like Sal was getting excited. Sal was just laughing and saying it felt fantastic.
Sal ended up hitting Richard in his mouth so the guys all went nuts. Artie said that it's now official, Sal's cock went in Richard's mouth. Richard had blue paint all over his teeth according to Sal. Will said that Richard looked like an Indian... ''Chief Big Fag.'' Richard said that it didn't go inside his mouth, it just hit his teeth.
The Howard TV guys replayed the clip where Sal's cock went in there and got a lot of laughs from the guys. Richard said that he's not the gay one, Sal is. Sal was the one who stuck his dick in his mouth. Howard TV replayed the clip again and got the guys laughing again.
Howard took some calls and one guy said that those guys are gay and they'd do that stuff for free if they asked them to. Another guy asked Richard to smudge his face on a piece of paper so he can frame it and hang it on his wall. Another caller said that this is rough to hear first thing on a Monday morning. Howard said that they've been up for hours so this isn't ''first thing'' for them.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he messed with OJ the other day. He called into a show and asked OJ what he thinks of Howard Stern. OJ said that he used to be on the board at Infinity years ago and talked about how he used to see him once in a while. Howard said that they kicked him off the board of Infinity after he killed two people.
Howard let Richard and Sal go after that. Richard was trying to talk but Howard said it was tough to talk to him when he had cock paint all over his face. The Howard TV guys showed the clip again and paused it where Sal's cock is resting on his lip. Sal was laughing his ass off at the video. Howard went to break after that.
Howard said that he has to find out more details about it because it sounds too simplistic. He took a call from Wheels who told him about a porn movie called ''Gorillas in the Moist'' that was out in like 1994. It was another one of those racist porn movies. Howard asked him to have his cousin send him a copy if he has it.
Another caller said that the show is great on satellite, he hadn't been able to listen to them for years and now he can hear them again. Howard said that they're having fun there but wondered why the guy waited so long to get a subscription. He said that he's kind of on a tight budget and it took a while to get it. Howard said he was over at a Radio Shack recently and asked how the radios were selling. The guy told him that they're still selling well.
Robin said that she might be willing to get back into acting if the right role comes around. She also did an episode of Fresh Prince of Bel Air and Gary's kids see her on that once in a while in reruns.
Artie asked Howard who he would cast to play the parts of Robin and Fred if he had to do a movie without them. Howard said that Fred wasn't going to play himself and he thought about casting Marcel Marseau to play the part. Howard said that Gary Oldman looks a lot like Fred so he could have been cast.
Howard said that Fred actually quit the show and the movie shortly before filming so it could have turned into a disaster if he had done that. Fred said that he had quit the show over the Rainbow Room stuff that was going on back then. Howard thought he'd left over him going through his bag of tricks but Fred said it wasn't that. Howard said that he was brutal toward Fred back then and he really shouldn't have been.
Howard said that it wasn't a big deal and Fred ended up leaving the show. Fred said that it was a big deal at the time. He sounded like he was getting all worked up again today but he wasn't going to walk off the show. Fred said he was under a lot of stress back then and that's why he had to walk away. Fred said he asked Howard to stop talking about that stuff but he refused to stop. He had to do it on the air because Howard doesn't talk about that stuff off the air.
Gary said he apologized to Fred recently for replaying that stuff at K-Rock. He didn't know how bad it was for him. Howard said that Fred survived it and he's doing just fine today.
The guys brought up Brent's (From Bubba's show) kickboxing fight from last week and said that he lost the match within 38 seconds. Howard read that he was knocked out within 16 seconds. Will came in and said that he saw the match and it was a quick knock out. He said he didn't pass out but he was wearing head gear and still got knocked out.
Howard had some Fred Rainbow Room clips to play but Fred threatened to walk out if he played them. Howard read that Fred had asked the Howard TV guys to never air that episode again. Fred said that's not quite true. He claims that they asked him if it was okay and he asked them to not play it. Howard told him he really has to get over that stuff. It's history now and he doesn't need to get upset about it. Artie said that his original question was who would play Robin in the movie. Howard said he might get someone like Robin Givens since everyone calls Robin ''Robin Givens'' already.
The Howard TV guys showed Brent getting knocked out. The clip was only 39 seconds long. Howard said the guy who beat Brent was about twice his size and it looked very unfair. Howard said Brent was bleeding and couldn't even get up after the knock down. Howard said in a street fight that's the kind of guy you'd have to fight.
Howard hung up on that woman and took another call. The guy said that he was watching a show where they were talking about Imus possibly returning to radio by January. Howard said he was reading an article about him and he looked awful in it. He went on to say that the station he was fired from has the exact same rating he had when he was there. That shows that nothing happened when he was fired.
The caller said that Mel Karmazin said that he would consider hiring the guy. Howard said that Imus couldn't bring in free listeners, how would he bring in paying subscribers. Howard said that they'd pay him under $100,000 to do that. He said the question should be ''What would Imus pay them'' to put him on. Howard said that Imus doesn't get an audience, no one cares if he comes back.
Howard said that Imus was making $10 million at Viacom and he finds that to be shocking. He said the guy wasn't bringing in any audience but he was still making that kind of money. He's not sure why he was being paid that kind of money either. He figured it was all smoke and mirrors and they were just fooling the advertisers over there making them think that they had some kind of rich audience listening to his show.
Howard said that he thinks that the wife is upset with him because he put out this book and now he doesn't have a radio show to promote it on.
The caller Howard had on the line said that Star Jones could play Robin in a movie. Howard said that was an insult to Robin and hung up on that guy. He took another call but asked Gary to remind him to write that blurb for Leslie West that he was supposed to write.
Howard said that Richard was upset because someone had already stolen his Simpsons underwear that he had just won for doing that dick thing. Richard came in and said that someone is just hiding them and he's annoyed by that. He said he's not going to go looking for them, he knows someone is just jerking him around.
Howard told Iris he hopes she's okay. She said that she has a blister on her eye so that made everyone cringe. She said that it could be the medication so she's stopped taking it all. Richard said that he got chiggers when he was out in Oklahoma. Blue Iris told a lame joke before Howard hung up on her. The joke made no sense at all but no one wanted to try and figure it out.
Artie asked Howard which of these three people he would put up at his apartment if he had to: High Pitch Eric, Big Foot or Beetlejuice. Howard said he's not sure about that. He might go with Beetlejuice. Robin went for Beetlejuice immediately.
Steve said that they have some coverage of Artie shooting a commercial for Comedy Central because they're airing his movie on the channel. Artie said that he's going to be hosting a whole night of comedy on Comedy Central and he's doing these bits for them. He said that the bits they wrote for him weren't all that great so he wrote some new stuff. He said that they really didn't want to let him make racial jokes in his bits though.
Howard let Steve go and had Jon Hein do his Wrap Up show preview. Jon mentioned the stuff they'd be covering today on the show including Sal and Richard's gay stunt which led to Howard showing Jon the video clip. Jon mentioned that they'll be discussing Ronnie's block party today. They'll also talk about Fred's earlier discussion about walking off the show years ago.
Howard wondered where Fred was going to go when he walked off the show. Fred said he went home but Howard meant what kind of job he was going to get if he had walked off. Fred said he wasn't sure, he was just upset and walked off.
Howard took a call from a guy who had an update on the guy who got fired after dating Akira. The guy said that the guy started talking shit about Bubba's show after Akria didn't do anything with him and the news heard about that and the guy eventually got fired. Howard got another report that said he resigned from his job so he wasn't sure what went on there. Howard had Robin start her news after that.
Robin went through a few other sports stories since they had missed out on a few things while they were on vacation. She also had a story about Britney Spears' ex Kevin Federline trying to get custody of their kids. She read some news about the trapped miners out in Utah.
Howard had a tape of Dick Cheny from back in 1994 when they first fought Iraq. In the clip Cheny talks about how hard it would have been if they had invaded Iraq. He said that if they had gone in, we would have been there all alone. It would have turned into a quagmire if we had gone on and taken Saddam out.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Chuck Zito was upset that he wasn't informed that his show wasn't going to be on last week until he was on his way in. Howard said he doesn't think that Chuck has been fired, they just put on John the Stutterer's show instead. Gary said he heard from Tim that Chuck was kind of bummed out about it but they're working things out. They just postponed his show.
Howard said he feels bad for Tim because Chuck has been known to beat the crap out of people for dissing him like that. Gary said that Jason told him that Chuck had uttered those words that Tim had ''disrespected him.'' AJ Benza actually went right up to Chuck one time and took his beating after he heard that Chuck was upset with him. No one wanted to say anything bad about Chuck this morning so they were apologizing left and right if they thought that they had made any comments that might upset him.
Robin got back to her news, did a couple more stories and ended her news. Artie mentioned that tickets are available from NYComedyFestival.com for his appearance at Towne Hall this year. He said that you need an American Express card to get tickets though. Howard wrapped up the show at around 10:55am.
Howard started off the show talking about how they are back live even though some people think that they're still off. He said that they do take some time off during the summer and people get upset with that. There are a lot of people who do that like teachers according to Artie.
Howard said they're having the discussion about taking off Rosh Hashana or not. Howard is thinking that they might work but Robin wants to take it off. Howard said that his parents used to get sickened by people who worked on that holiday. He said that he's looking for any day he can take off though.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he called in one other time and asked what he would do if he had another woman in bed with Beth. Howard said he thinks he'd get jealous. He still thinks that he'd be that way.
Howard changed subjects and said he had an appointment yesterday and he had about 15 minutes free with Beth in the car. He saw Lou Dobbs outside of the CNN building while he was waiting. He thought it was kind of cool to see him out there. He told Beth about him and noticed that he was smoking a cigarette which changed his opinion of him. He said that always happens when he sees someone like that smoking.
Howard said Dobbs was talking to some guy and it seemed like he was waiting for people to recognize him. Artie said that's great that Howard was sitting there staring at him and he didn't even realize it. Artie pulled the microphone off the stand when he was on the subject so Howard told him to use a different one. Artie was holding it like he was doing stand-up though.
Howard said he watched Dobbs smoking cigarette after cigarette and smoking. He said within 15 minutes he went through 5 cigarettes in a row. He said that Dobbs and this other guy were talking and he figured that he was watching Dobbs killing himself. Beth said that they must not be able to smoke in the building like so many buildings in the city.
Howard was shocked at how many cigarettes that he smoked in that short period of time. He said Dobbs seems to like when people stop to say hi to him. He was actually sticking his hand out to shake people's hands. They were fascinated sitting there watching the guy. Artie said that's better than reality TV to sit there watching someone like that. That's the real reality.
Artie said that Dobbs must really be addicted to smoke that much. Artie smokes himself but he doesn't smoke that much. He went on to talk about how he's had his opinion changed about people when he's learned that they smoked. He brought up Hank Aaron and talked about how he saw him, when he was a kid, smoking a cigarette and that made him feel differently about the guy.
Howard said it was fascinating to see Dobbs smoking like that. He said he got out of his car a short time later and saw Dobbs watching him with a bunch of fans coming up to him. Artie said he wouldn't even know who Lou Dobbs was, he knows his name but not the face. Howard said he has another appointment today and he might be able to watch Dobbs again today.
Howard said that the second most popular movie was ''23'' which he didn't know too much about. The third was Premonition which Robin said she fell asleep watching. He read through a couple of others before the caller on the line asked about Beth and another chick again.
Howard said he's really not sure about the other chick thing. The caller had some scenarios for him and went through them with Howard. That made Howard decide that he couldn't handle another chick in bed with Beth. He said that he needs the constant attention and doesn't even like the time she spends with their dog. He said he needs to change that because it makes him too reliant on other people.
Howard said he knows that Beth needs time to do stuff on her own but he's really fucked up and can't handle it. The caller asked if Howard would break it off with Beth if he found out she was with someone else. Of course he would. The caller also asked Howard if he had to lose Robin or Beth, which one would he rather lose. Howard said he wasn't able to answer that one.
The guy asked Howard if he had to kill off Ralph or Ronnie, which one would it be. Howard thought about it for a short time and seemed to be going for Ronnie because he is good at setting up the driving stuff. He wasn't sure if he could replace Ralph. He said he knows that Ralph knows his sensibility. The rest of the guys were trying to help Howard choose and pointed him toward Ralph. Howard said he'd have to kill off Ralph.
Artie was trying to fix his microphone since it was still off the hanger. Scott the Engineer finally came in, 15 minutes later, to try and fix it. Scott messed with it while Fred played some time killing music.
The caller asked Howard if he would kill Ronnie or Dominic. Howard quickly picked Dominic. Then it was Benjy or Sal and Richard. Howard said he has a definite answer but he didn't want to say because he's heard that Benjy has cried when he's said mean shit. Benjy said he had his permission to say anything. Howard said he didn't want to say it because it'll hurt someone's feelings. Howard eventually admitted that he'd kill Benjy but then said he was joking with him. He went on to say that there are two with Sal and Richard and they really put out a lot of stuff.
Howard said that he thinks that Sal and Richard are really good even if they didn't do the gay shit. Artie said that the big question is ''Sal or Richard'' but Howard didn't seem to want to go there either. Howard went back and forth on that for a few seconds and said he didn't like the game. It was too tough because he likes all of these guys. Howard said he'd probably keep Richard over Sal though. Artie was saying that he really likes Sal at the roasts because he has no filter.
Howard was watching the Howard TV camera and seeing their reactions while that was going on. Artie said he's not sure that Sal writes all of his jokes in the roasts though. Howard said that Sal had stuck a magic marker in his ass and Richard kicked him. Then Sal, not thinking, sat down on the marker and impaled himself on it.
Howard said that Sal was putting his cock on Gary's face. He told the TV guys to shut the camera off so he could move on.
Another question was about Dana and if she's dating. Artie didn't know and he really doesn't want to know if she's dating. He said that would bum him out. Howard said that he and Dana actually e-mailed each other a couple of times. He said she's doing well from what he read. He said he may have e-mailed her after Beth mentioned that she was in touch with her.
The writer asked about Artie and Dr. Ablow. Artie said the time Dr. Ablow was in the studio was the last time he saw him.
Howard said the writer also asked about Gary's time off recently. Gary would only say that he's dealing with some issues with his mom. Some people thought he had gone into rehab but that's not true.
Howard said he's been doing all kinds of medical things lately getting check ups and stuff. He said that the eye doctor told him that he was in good shape and that was after his regular check up was positive as well. He said that his vision actually got better from what he was told. Artie said he never had a cavity or needed glasses in his life.
Howard said the last question in this e-mail was about Sal's marriage. He asked Sal if he wanted to come in and comment on that. Howard said that he told Beth about what Sal and Richard did yesterday and she said she could never be married to a guy like Sal.
Sal came in and said that his marriage is ''going alright.'' Howard said that didn't sound good but Sal said it's okay, it's not that bad. He said he's pretty sure that she's cut off the emotional friend completely. He said that they also stopped going to therapy. He said that they're getting along better without the therapy. He said that he doesn't need all of the yapping going on and now they don't talk too deep about things and they're better off. The guys didn't think that sounded right though.
Sal said that he has one problem but he's not sure he can talk about it. He said that something is affecting him personally. He said he's been having a tough time in the sack and can't get it up. He said his wife still isn't saying she wants to have sex, he's the one who has to initiate it and he has a hard time keeping it up. Howard said that maybe it's possible that he's gay. Sal said that's not the case though.
Sal has been married for 11 years so Artie told him that he's normal if he hates his wife after that much time. Sal said that he's all stressed out about what went on and now he's preoccupied with keeping the marriage going. Sal said that he's ready to blow his brains out at this point. He said that the emotional stuff is better but now the physical thing is fucked up.
Howard asked Sal when the last time was that he was able to perform with a full erection. He said it was last night and it took a lot of work and a lot of focus to make it happen. Robin started laughing her ass off because Gary had come in and hung a sign over Sal's head saying ''I'm a homo and I can't keep it up.''
Sal said it really was a lot of work to keep it going last night. Howard told him that he should think about the emotional friend and that might turn him on thinking that other guys want to fuck his wife. Sal said that his penis might be useless at home but now he can use it at work to do stuff like he did yesterday.
Howard asked Sal about why he's so free to show his cock now. In the past he wouldn't even show it, now he whips it out all the time. Sal said he's doing it for the show. Benjy said that he's been keeping his in his pants lately because he likes to take it out just for special occasions. Artie said that Benjy had that great moment when he started to jerk off next to Houston on the show one time. He also got naked at the Playboy Mansion one time.
Artie said he was invited to the Playboy Mansion for the Midsummer's Night Dream in September. Howard told him to go because it's even better than he could possibly imagine. Howard figured that Dana would call tonight and get back together with him right before that happens. Artie said that she should wait until September 23rd to call.
Sal asked Artie if the drug thing is what brought his relationship to an end with Dana. Artie said that of course it was. Howard asked Fred if he had a problem getting it up for his wife when they separated for a while. Fred said he had no problem getting it up at all.
Howard said he doesn't tell Riley what to talk about on his show. Riley said that's true but he also doesn't pay him. Artie said that he got a symbol from Riley and in the letter he asked for $38 from him for it. He said he sent it along to him.
Howard said there was a guy there at SIRIUS who got one of Riley's head bands and it cured her of arthritis. The guys spent some more time talking to Riley for a few more minutes and then Howard gave Riley a plug for his radio show but said the wrong day. His show actually airs on Tuesday nights at midnight on Howard 101.
Sal asked Riley if he would mind his son coming in to massage he and Richard. Riley said that he wouldn't mind that at all and then started talking about the size of his penis. He also said some stuff about Beth knowing how big it is so Howard said that if he did that to Riley, he'd freak out because he brought up his girlfriend's name.
Sal asked Riley if his wife tosses his salad. Riley said ''no, but your mother did.'' Then he let out one of his deep voiced laughs. Riley said that it's time to get some decency on the show. He then started going on and on with Robin telling her not to get caught up in Howard's bullshit. He said that Artie is a man of principal because he had sent in that $38. Riley said that Howard doesn't help anyone but Artie said that he helped him for sure. He wouldn't have been able to pay that $38 without Howard.
Howard let Riley go on and on complaining about the money thing as he does every time he calls in. Riley said that Howard pretends to be his friend when he really isn't. Robin asked Riley who his best friend is. Riley said it's his bird, who he hates.
Howard told Riley he was going to do him a favor and release him from his radio show. He said that he could be released from his contract and that way he wouldn't have to worry about doing his radio show anymore for too little money. Riley said that he could do that and then watch where the stock goes. Howard said it can't go any lower, so where's it going to go? Howard told Riley he can't give Riley a raise, he doesn't own the company. Riley seemed to be okay with being released from his contract but still went off on Howard for not getting him a raise.
Riley said that he has to speak to the people of the world and that's why he keeps the radio show. He never said he didn't want to work. Howard said he never said Riley was fired, he was just saying he wasn't forcing him to keep doing the show if he didn't want to. Howard had to kick Sal out of the studio because he made one too many comments about Riley's son.
Riley said that they're wasting his valuable time with this bullshit and he's tired of it. He said that Howard dissed him when he threw away the symbols he sent to him. Howard said he was really scared that he wasn't going to be able to get on the mothership without those symbols. Riley told Howard that he's going to end up in Auschwitz. Riley said that he would not send Howard another symbol either. He threw away the one and that was it for him. Howard wondered how he was going to get on the mothership. Riley seemed a little pissed off that he threw them out like that. Robin said she held on to hers and wondered when she'd be able to use it to get on that ship. Howard said she threw hers out too though.
Riley told Howard and the guys that he loves them but Howard said that's bullshit. He told Riley he had to get going and gave him a plug for his radio show. Riley told him to take care and Robin said it sounds like he's going to be in rare form tonight on that show of his. Howard let him go and gave him some more plugs.
Jessica Hahn called in and said that if Artie goes to that Playboy party he's going to love it. She said that he has to wear pajamas and he's going to see women wearing just about nothing. Artie said he's going no matter what. He's going to have to knit two pair of pajamas together to fit him though.
Artie talked about how great it's going to be out there and how easy it can be to get lost in that grotto. He told Teddy to go out and get him some giant pajamas. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she's dating her fourth cousin and wondered if that's wrong. Howard asked how she's related to the guy. She wasn't able to answer fast enough so Howard told her it's fine. He said if it's a fourth cousin, it's probably fine. Howard tried to find out exactly how they were related but she just said it was her father's cousin's cousin. Howard said that can't be wrong. Howard told her to go fuck her brains out, it wasn't a problem. It's only a problem when it's first cousins.
Robin said that there are some parts of the country where families are all related somehow so it's not a big deal. Howard said that Artie is his sister or something. Artie also said that he's seen pictures of his family over in Italy and he's pretty sure there are some cousins sleeping together there.
Howard congratulated the news team for doing the hard hitting stories there. Lisa wanted to do a story about the couch in the green room yesterday. She said that Tim was the one who picked it out but it's really ugly. Howard said he'd take a look at it to see how bad it looks.
Lisa said that Howard is featured in a new Maxim magazine feature where they have hot women and the hideous men they love. Howard said that's really not fair and it's an idea they stole from Us magazine. He said he was going to authorize his web site guys to get pictures of the guys at Maxim and show their hideous wives. He said that they should put some decent content on their sucky channel there at SIRIUS. He said that doesn't help him get laid when Beth reads shit like that. He's got her hypnotized at this point and articles like that don't help.
Howard said he wanted to know who else was in that article in that piece of shit magazine. He made a few more comments about the channel there and how they should keep playing music on the channel. Benjy gave Howard some of the other names on the list and ran through them all. The names on the list weren't really that hideous. Howard said they might want to get some relevant people on the list.
Howard thanked Lisa for the news update and told her to go and publicize that story even more. Artie said they should fuck with the Maxim channel all morning. Howard said he could pull it up and listen. He said they probably don't have more than 3 people listening to that channel. He called them a bunch of ''cock sucking fucks'' and told them to get to work on that channel.
Howard said that Brian Phelan from Howard TV is a big fan of the channel. Brian came in and told Howard that he listens to Covino and Rich and Rob Cross is the Program Director over there. Howard asked what else they have on over there. He said he only listens to Covino and Rich so he's not sure what else is going on there. Howard said Brian must be the one listener they have there. Covino used to work at K-Rock so Howard should know him but he didn't. Robin knew who he was because he's a ''hot looking guy.''
Howard asked Gary if someone messed with his microphone because his compression was just about gone. He said he knows that someone messed with it and he's always right when he brings that up. Gary said that's true, it always turns out that someone messed with his stuff. Scott the Engineer came in and made some adjustments. Scott gave him a little compression but Howard also wanted more volume. Scott said they hadn't made any changes though. Howard said he thinks it's better but he's not sure. That led to Fred playing the Ben Stern ''Testing, testing... ONE TWO'' clip. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard moved on to the Van Halen press conference. He said it was really weird because Eddie Van Halen looks really weird. There's no more Michael Anthony in the band because Eddie's son Wolfgang is taking over for him. He said it's Eddie, Wolfgang, Alex and David Lee Roth. The guys all came out with their arms crossed, except for David who wouldn't stop talking.
Howard said he doesn't think that the tour will last. He said that David really tries to sell it though. He figures there's big money in a tour like that and even though Dave probably got paid in full for his radio gig, he might want that tour money.
Howard played some of David Lee Roth rambling on and on about the new band and how much rehearsal they've been doing since last October. He said that Wolfgang brings a young energy to the band and he really thinks it's going to be great. Howard said that Eddie really pushes that Wolfgang kid and it's almost like he doesn't want to offend the kid. Artie said that it's almost bad for the kid because they might be raising expectations.
Roth says that Wolfgang picked the play list which was kind of odd to the guys. Roth took some questions and rambled on and on when he was answering them. They were asked how it felt being back on stage together and everyone was loving each other.
Howard paused the audio and said it was really weird and it was like they were trying to sell way too hard. Artie said that all they have to do is say they're going out on tour and they'll sell tons of tickets. Artie said that he'd go see the band even without Michael Anthony.
Howard played more of the audio and Roth is talking about how the band isn't a reunion band, it's a new band playing their old hits. Howard said that the guys in the band don't look like they used to so it's going to be weird. Artie said he's going to see them and he likes that they're going to be playing their hits. Howard said he'd like to see them too. He saw them back when he was working out in Detroit and they were great. He said that was back when they were at the top of their game and everyone wanted to be like David Lee Roth. Now things are just weird.
Howard played more of the press conference and both David Lee Roth and Eddie Van Halen were acting kind of strange. David was really trying to sell the whole idea. Howard and the guys spent a short time talking about the band and wondered what Michael Anthony did to deserve this. They said that he sided with Sammy Hagar, that's what he did.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's been a fan for a long time and this seems like it's going to be a disaster to him. He said it might turn into a cash grab if the band doesn't perform the way they expect them to. The caller said that Michael Anthony was the background vocals for the band and if he's not there, it's not going to be the same.
Another caller said that he thinks that this is going to be great. Gary told Howard that Richard was telling him that he's not sure he'll go to see the band without Michael Anthony. He said it's not going to be the same band without him. Richard came in and said that Michael Anthony really was a big part of those old songs signing backup.
Howard wondered if Wolfgang is really that great of a bass player. They may not know until they see him performing live. Howard took another call and the guy said that he saw Van Halen playing out in St. Louis when Sammy Hagar was in the band and they were great.
A caller told Howard he shouldn't be so upset about the Maxim magazine thing they were talking about earlier. Howard said he was done with that but he is sick of a bunch of ugly dudes getting together in a room and calling him ugly.
The guy on the phone said that he named his kid after Artie so Artie said that he should not circumcise the kid if he has any say in it. Howard went on to talk about how this circumcision thing came about, maybe because of health reasons, but it was also a religious thing and it can't be right.
Sal came in and said that his kids are circumsized because he was tortured as a little kid because he's uncircumcised. He said that there are health reasons too. He said when he was 14 or so, he wouldn't shower that often and he'd get a smell down there that was really nasty. Fred is uncircumcised and he's never had that problem because he kept it clean.
Howard asked Fred if he had any problems with getting a blow job or anything. Fred said it's like a retractable hood that comes back when you get hard so it's not a problem at all. Fred said that he's very sensitive when the penis is retracted and he wonders how a regular one is when it's not protected.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he had a problem with his uncircumcised penis when he tried sticking it in too fast one time. Sal said that he had the problem that this guy had an it ripped the skin on his penis and snapped this part of the penis that's connected to the foreskin.
Fred said that there can be some tearing once in a while. Gary came in and said that it's never been an issue for him getting his kids circumsized. He said it's really weird to see Sal's uncircumcised penis so he's glad that he had his kids done.
Fred once ripped his foreskin open and that was a problem but for the most part, he doesn't have any problems. Gary said they knew a guy at K-Rock who had to have a circumcision when he was in his 40s. He'd hate to deal with something like that at that age.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that her husband is uncircumcised and he thinks that sex is much better because it's more sensitive than a circumsized guy. A guy called in and said that he's got a brother who is 28 years old and had to have a circumcision and he knows that it was better with the foreskin. The guy had to have it removed though so he didn't have a choice.
One guy said that he's glad he was circumsized because he can't last that long as it is. If it was more sensitive, he wouldn't be able to last at all.
Howard said that Beth's period was late and he got worried. He said that he really doesn't want kids so he's going to be wearing a condom and pulling out to make sure that doesn't happen. He said he lucked out when she tested negative. Richard said he likes to pull his condom off and shoot his load all over the place. Howard doesn't do that, he doesn't like to make a mess like that.
Robin said she actually likes that feeling of a guy blowing a load on her. She said that was back in the days when you didn't have to worry about diseases. Howard got a note from the guys saying that Sal was playing with himself out in his office. Gary said it was worse than that, he was out touching all of the sandwiches with his dirty hands.
Sal came in and said that he always washes his hands and didn't do what they were accusing him of. Sal said that he wasn't touching all of the sandwiches. The guys had tape of him touching all of the sandwiches though. The food looked really good but Artie said he couldn't have one now that Sal's dick has been on them. They had some real steak sandwiches that looked really good.
Artie said he can't eat them now that he's heard about Sal touching them. He said that he gets scheeved by that stuff and there's a story that Richard tells him that makes him so sick that he can't eat for two days. Richard said that's a story about eating at Dan the Song Parody Man's place and having one of his long hairs in his meatloaf. He said it took like a minute to pull the hair out because it was so long. Artie let out an ''Ohhhhh!'' when he heard the story again.
A woman called in and said that she thinks that a guy who is uncircumcised is gross because it's always cheesy and gross. Fred said it might just be the guys she's with. She claims it isn't but Fred said that her area might not be all that great down there either.
Howard asked Fred if his wife was shocked when she saw what he had down there. He said that she didn't have a problem with it and didn't even bring it up the first night they did it. He said that they actually went at it that first night they went out and it didn't even come up for a few days after.
A caller said that he was recently circumsized and he can only go once or twice a day now when he used to be able to go like 7 times a day. He said that it's completely changed since he lost the foreskin. He said he did it as a cosmetic thing and now he's not so thrilled about it. He said he was tormented as a kid and used to make sure he was covered up when a girl would stay over.
Jessica Hahn called in with some advice about giving blow jobs when a guy isn't circumsized. She said that she licks it as if it was an ice cream cone. She said that it doesn't turn her off at all and there's even more to do with it. Fred said that she's an expert and he respects her opinion on the whole thing.
Howard said that Jessica is a woman who really likes to please a man. He said he likes that and asked her some questions about doing it. She was giving details about doing it doggy style and how she reaches back and sticks her hand between her legs while the guy is doing her. Howard called her the James Brown of Bed because she's the hardest working woman in bed. He said she does it all, really.
Robin asked if she's orgasmic and if she makes noise. Jessica said she moans a lot and loves doing that. Howard asked her what that sounds like. She didn't make those noises but said she is pretty vocal. She doesn't make her man cuddle with her either, she'd rather curl up and go to sleep. Howard seemed to like hearing that.
Howard asked Artie why he didn't get a blow job from Jessica. Artie said he's never met the woman. Howard took a call from a guy who suggested that Artie go to Los Angeles now and let Jessica blow him. Artie said he can't just go out there like that. Jessica didn't show up in Vegas when he invited her out there. Artie said that if she shows up to the Playboy mansion, maybe they can do something there. Jessica said they shouldn't say that on the air but maybe something will happen. Artie said he'd love for her to jerk him off. Howard said that she can jerk a guy off with her feet.
Fred asked Jessica if she's ever given a blumpkin. She didn't know what it was so Artie told her that it's when a woman blows a guy while he's taking a shit. She said she's never done that and she wouldn't want to. The guy on the phone was the same guy who went to the Playboy mansion with him last year. He wanted to go with Artie again this year but Artie has some closer friends who he has to invite first. Howard said he had to go to break a short time later but ended up talking about Artie's eating for a minute. Artie wasn't sure if he could eat one of those sandwiches that Sal had touched or not.
Ronnie said that JD started it yesterday on the Wrap Up Show with the glasses thing. Ronnie thought that Howard was thinking he was like Sal now or something. Ronnie said he didn't even think of looking at Howard's glasses when he got his. Artie came in and said that they were exactly the same. He said they look very much the same but Ronnie said he wasn't going for the same look or anything.
Howard said that his are very much alike and he even has dark arms on his like Ronnie does. Ronnie goofed on JD saying that he has $10 Walgreen's glasses and he's giving him a hard time.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Ronnie is a scumbag and a loser and went off on him for a short time. The guy was also calling him a child molester. Howard hung up on him and got back to goofing on Ronnie about buying the same glasses. Howard said that the guys were saying that Ronnie gets really upset when they bring up the glasses.
JD came in and said that he told Richard to ask Ronnie about his glasses yesterday and Ronnie got all freaked out. JD said that they are very similar looking but he's not sure if he was copying him or not. He said he has no idea what goes on inside Ronnie's head. Ronnie said at least he has something going on inside his head. He goofed on JD making fun of the way he stumbles over his words.
Howard said that Ronnie looks like Sal's dad so they're going to put up pictures of them up on his web site. Howard told Ronnie to look forward so they could get a good shot of him. They compared the two of them and they apparently looked very similar. Ronnie offered to take JD to Walgreen's to get him a new pair of glasses. This time he'd spend $25 on them. JD mumbled ''Okay'' and Howard kicked them out of the studio.
Eve said that the people at her club were miserable pieces of shit and she had to get out of there. She didn't want to mention the name of the club. She said that she didn't like dancing on the pole on stage so she'd do lap dances and stuff. She'd wear just a g-string and she could do full contact there. She was going to demonstrate on Will and he was afraid she was really going to grab him. Howard told him that she only does that when she's getting paid.
Howard said he wouldn't mind getting a lap dance from her himself. She said that she used to give private dances and guys would actually come before she even started dancing. She said that the weirdos are the ones who usually do that.
Howard said that they put some pictures of her up on HowardStern.com. She said she keeps a little hair down below because when she's shaved completely, she looks like she has a torso that's too long.
Howard asked Eve about her queefing talents. She learned when she was in 7th grade from a friend of hers. She didn't think much about it for years. She said that she told her friends about how she was going to get on the show somehow and this is how she got on. She said she finds it kind of disgusting herself but she was going to do it anyway.
Howard told Eve to take her clothes off and do her thing. She refused to remove her fishnet stockings because her legs were such a mess. Howard heard that she could squirt things out of her vagina too so she explained how she found out that she can squirt water. She did a regular queef (a fart sound from her private parts) and blasted away for a short time. She admitted that it was gross. Howard told her that her panties were muffling the sound so he asked her to remove them. She took the panties off and Will suggested that her top was muffling the queefs too. She couldn't take her top off for some reason so Artie told her that the only thing they want muffled is her voice.
Artie said that this chick got even better looking with her clothes off. Howard had her get in position and do some more queefs. She blasted out a juicy one and sounded like she was disgusted with herself. She said she thinks that it is kind of funny but gross at the same time. Howard had her blast out a few more for them.
Howard asked her what she could do to impress them. She said that she could squirt some water for them. Howard said she was doing all of this and she didn't even want a plug for anything. Eve got into a baby pool and sucked some water in. You could hear the bubbles in the pool, then she got out and shot the water across the studio. She went in for a second round and shot out a blast of water again.
Artie offered Richard $500 to come in and drink that water like it was a water fountain. Eve said she has a guy in the green room that would do it if Richard didn't want to. Richard came in and said that he didn't want to do it. Artie told Richard he's a wicked fag for not doing that but doing the gay stuff with Sal.
Howard said that Eve is going to do another stunt where she's going to blow out candles with her vagina. Artie said that it's mornings like this that make the terrorists hate us. Howard asked Eve what she weighs. She said she's 5'6'' tall and weighs about 105 right now. The candle was lit but Eve kept talking and saying that she needed to dry off before doing it because she might drown it out. She let out a queef that was really wet sounding and actually blew out the candle. Howard told her she was a doll and a sweetheart. Artie told her to come up every morning.
Howard told Eve she really should be working at Scores. He said that she could come up and give everyone a BJ before she leaves. Howard asked her if she ever wears that outfit when she's with her boyfriend. She said that she does that sometimes. He asked her if she bends over in those heels and lets her guy bang her. She had a bit of a Boston accent so Artie pointed that out and goofed on the accent a little bit.
Howard had the guys bring in Eve's boyfriend. He said he was a good looking dude. The guy works for a cable company and said that he wants to be with her for the rest of his life. Both of them said that they don't want kids. Eve has a bunch of cats but doesn't want any kids of her own. Eve said that she's basically been with this guy since she was 16 so they've been dating for 10 years now. She said she lost her virginity to another guy though.
Yucko the Clown called in and said that he met this chick at a comedy show. He said that Beetlejuice ate blue cheese dressing out of her ass. Eve said it was actually blueberry yogurt. She said that Bob Levy is the guy who got her on the show and explained how she got to be friends with him on Myspace and then went to one of his shows and had this blueberry yogurt thing done. She said that Beetlejuice had a tooth that stuck out and stabbed her when they ''flew'' him into her ass to lick that yogurt out. Artie wondered how many friend requests Bob Levy turns down. They figured it was none.
Richie from Howard TV came in and asked if they could have Eve give JD, the geeky guy, a lap dance. Howard had Fred play some Nine Inch Nails for her to dance too. JD said that it was very nice and started stumbling over his words. Artie told him ''Fuck her Poindexter!'' JD was enjoying the dance and Howard thought he was getting a boner. Artie was still goofing on Eve's Boston accent and using the word ''Wicked'' quite a bit.
JD had a wet spot on him but he claimed that it was the water on Eve that dripped on him. He said he didn't piss himself or blow a load. JD said the dance was really good though. He was bummed out that she got him all wet though. Howard was going to wrap up but Gary asked if he wanted to have her ride the Sybian. Eve was up for it so Howard had her get on.
Gary came in and set up the Sybian for her. They got out a fresh, clean attachment and set her up on the machine. Gary was wearing his leather wrestling mask that was kind of freaking out Eve. She said it was kind of scary. They started up the Sybian and Eve said it sounded like a motorcycle. She had Gary turn down the speed a little bit and she was feeling something but not getting into it that much. She said that they'd probably be there until 11:30 if she had to get off on it. She gave up a short time later.
Eve told a story about how she lost $10,000 in cash from her apartment and she thinks that it was an inside job. Her boyfriend said he knows who it was but didn't give the guy's name. He did give out some initials but he said he was just joking about that. Eve said it wasn't that person and it was no one affiliated with that person. Howard wrapped up with them and went to break a short time after that.
Howard said that Mary McCormack sent him a copy of her new movie and it was really good. He said it was a low budget film but it was very well done. She plays the lead in the film. He didn't want to give away too many details though.
Howard talked about Eve the Queefer a little bit. He said he really thought she was good looking and fun. He said that he was supposed to have Underdog Woman call in to talk about the Underdog movie that came out recently. She's so freaked out that she didn't call in this morning. He said that she's afraid of calling in because she's afraid that he's going to ask her about sex.
Gary came in and said that Suzanne called in and talked to him about the movie and how upset she was about it. He told her to talk to Howard about it but she was very afraid of him. Gary said he wanted to get her a screening of the movie but the movie company wouldn't do it.
Artie did an impression of Suzanne and said that it was going to be just like that if she had called in. He whispered ''Stern... They're after me.'' and stuff like that. Howard said that he could have had a real conversation with her about the whole thing and it would have been good. He said that she complains about them using a real dog in the movie but she portrays Underdog as a human.
Gary said that he actually helped Covino get his job there but he wasn't the one making the comments about Howard. Howard was still upset about the whole thing though. Robin cracked a joke about Howard so he went off on her a little bit about that. That led to Fred playing a new song from Richard where he sings ''Nubian Queen.'' There was a new one about Artie as well so Howard played that.
Steve said that there has been some controversy on the Superfan Roundtable between Joey and Mutt. They've actually cut Joey back to every other week because he's been trying to take over the show so much. They'll have that and a story about High Pitch Eric looking for a new place to live. They're also going to be talking about The Iron Sheik going on tour with Bob Levy and the other guys. Howard said that maybe the Iron Sheik being on the show was a good thing for him because he appeared at a WWE event the other day. He played a clip of that and then Steve wrapped up his news preview.
Jon Hein gave his Wrap Up Show preview. He said they'll be talking about Eve the Queefer and many other things that happened on the show today.
Howard had Blue Iris on the phone to talk about her nasty blisters. Blue said they told her to stop taking all of her medication. Artie goofed on her because if she stops her meds she might go back to having her psychotic problems. Howard let her go a short time later.
Howard said that if Lou Dobbs is listening, he'd like him to cut back on the cigarettes. He said he's watching him out there.
Howard was talking about bringing back The Losers to perform some other classic song. They talked about a rehearsal the did for a song one time and how long it lasted when they were rehearsing. Artie said they were there until 6pm one night and he just wanted to go home.
Howard said he'd be willing to open up for Van Halen if they wanted. He and The Losers could perform like 3 songs. Robin said she loves that the band was named after Scott the Engineer and he ended up getting kicked out of the band. Artie said that they could have Richard playing drums in the band and they could have quite a band. Howard said that it would be an all star band. Howard has that guitar that Leslie West gave him and he could play that. The guys talked about how Scott the Engineer got taken off drums to play cow bell but Scott refused to play it.
Howard had Fred playing a bunch of the songs that The Losers performed. Scott the Engineer said that he refused to play that Cow Bell. Fred played ''Bang a Gong'' and Howard tried to hear the cow bell but it was so low that no one could hear it. Howard said he's tried to come up with a hit song but the audience just won't go for it. He had Robin get to her news after that discussion. She read through a bunch of stories and ended up getting Howard on the subject of Amy Winehouse's ''Rehab'' song. Howard said he liked the song and played it for Artie who had never heard it. Artie liked it as well. Howard said she's not all that hot but she has a look that's pretty good.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she could queef better than the chick who was on earlier. The woman blasted one and it was pretty impressive. She also claims that she can blast water at least a foot in the air. She demonstrated the longest queef she could do and it lasted a few seconds.
The woman said that she's been paid to do this at parties and stuff too. Howard said that he had a fart in the chamber so he blasted that out and then had the woman queef for him. She did that real quick and then Howard caught a whiff of his own fart. He said it was pretty bad too. He put the woman on the phone on hold so they could have her come in to queef for them.
Robin read through a few more stories and broke the news to Artie that Phil Rizutto had passed away. Artie took a guess at his age and was off by just 3 years. Howard wrapped up the show a short time later, around 10:50am.
Howard started off the show talking about Riley Martin's show. He said it sounded like Riley was hopped up on something last night. He wasn't sure what it might be but figured it could have been alcohol. He said he sounded a little more normal by the end of the show.
Howard played some audio from the start of the show where Riley did sound like he could have been on something. He had missed doing someone else's internet radio show so he explained what happened there. He went on to explain how he had been thinking about some Niptonian space ship that had landed. Howard said that Fred should sit in on that show just one time to help them out with sound effects. Howard said that Riley will admit to having a beer or two during his show.
Howard played a new Riley song parody from Dan the Song Parody Man. He went on to talk about how Riley was shot out of a cannon on his show last night. He played another example of that where Riley was giving some shout outs to people and having fun with some of the words. In another clip he was giving a little prayer and throwing in some goofy lines in that.
Howard played another clip where Riley was talking about going back in time and how he was advised that he couldn't do it because the world would change in drastic ways. He said he wanted to go back in time and take out Hitler but if he had, he would change things in negative ways. The guys talked about how Riley knew this gun that he mentioned during the Hitler discussion and how he does know some of that stuff even though it sounds like he's making it up.
Bong Hit Bill called in and said that Riley was definitely bent last night. He said he called Riley and asked him to sing a song for him last night. Howard said that people always bring up his, Robin and Artie's name during his show and Riley gets all worked up about him throwing out his symbols. Howard played a clip from that part of the show where Riley told the caller that Artie had purchased a symbol from him. The caller said that he couldn't believe that Riley had given him one so Riley corrected him and said that he did pay for it. Riley was also going off on Howard about claiming that he's trying to get him a raise.
Gary told Howard that one of the producers of that show last night told him that Riley almost didn't do that show last night. He could barely open his eyes but they were told that he had been drinking and he was exhausted. Riley was calling it a ''dream state'' according to Robin. Gary said they had a young 20-something year old girl hanging out there last night but no one ever explained that.
One caller asked Howard why Riley doesn't go back in time and win a lottery or something. Robin said that he's also been given a lot of information about various technologies that he could take advantage of. Howard replayed the clip of Riley opening his show and sounding completely out of it. Robin said they have to isolate that and keep it to play once in a while.
Howard played a prank call that Sal and Richard made to a Chinese woman and played clips of Riley saying his infamous ''O-Qua Tangin Wann'' and ''Quai unza la ji wan'' lines. The woman says she doesn't understand and hangs up on him. They called some other people with those clips and got them all freaked out as well. Howard played the new song parody from Dan the Song Parody Man again after that.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he wanted to know why Gary was off a couple of weeks back. Howard said Gary had some personal things going on with his mom, he's not off buying an expensive house like the caller thought.
A caller asked why the Iron Sheik show didn't show up on Howard TV. The caller said that the cable company told him that it was revoked. One of the Howard TV guys, Gregg, came in and told Howard that the show is definitely up but they can't control how fast the cable companies put them up. The caller said it was Cox cable that didn't have it up as of this morning. The caller said that they told him to call the On Demand guys because they had revoked the show because of content.
Howard tried to explain how the service works. He said that the Howard TV guys send the shows to the cable companies and most of them get the shows up quickly while some of them take their time and don't put it up. Gregg said that they send the shows every day and the cable companies might have a guy who has to update it and they take their time sometimes.
Howard read an article about Imus' settlement with CBS and how he might be getting a job at WABC in New York. Howard and Robin talked about that for a couple of minutes and goofed on Imus' cowboy clothes. Howard said that someone from CBS was saying that they didn't give Imus $20 million but they may have given him at least $10 million which is way too much for the guy. Howard wondered why ABC would hire the guy because they have a radio show that does better than Imus ever did at CBS.
Howard said Imus' racist comments just proved what he had been saying for years about the guy. He said that Boomer Esiason was hired to replace Imus over at WFAN where Imus was fired from. Artie came up with some names of teams that Imus could work with. He said that it could be Imus and Anthony, Opie and Imus, Imus and the Bean, Kidd Imus and a few others.
Howard said he can't imagine ABC investing in Imus. They might get some initial interest from all of this press but it should quickly vanish.
Howard said that there was a picture of Britney Spears making out with some guy while she was topless in a pool. He said she really is nutty. He got back to Imus quickly and wondered if he's going to behave himself if he gets back on the air. He said that people will probably call in and ask him about NBA teams and what he thinks about the WNBA. Howard read through some more of the article about Imus and how the settlement says that he can't disparage CBS and they're barred from doing the same with him.
Howard said Imus also has a lawsuit being filed against him by one of the Rutgers students who was on the team at the time he made his ''nappy headed hos'' remarks. He read through that article as well.
Melrose Larry Green called in and said that Kelly Ripa mentioned Howard's name yesterday when they were giving away SIRIUS radios. Melrose also mentioned that they're having Kathie Lee back on the show as a guest. Howard said he heard that she had been banned from the show but the producer of the show is saying that's not true.
Melrose said that he didn't want Howard to forget that Phil Rizzuto had passed away. Howard spent a short time talking about him. Artie said that he wasn't that great of a broadcaster but he was very entertaining to listen to.
Howard said he read a story about Phil being presented with a bunch of gifts one time and one of them was a cow because he was known for the ''Holy Cow'' comments. The cow actually head butted him and knocked him on his ass. He read that Phil thought it was kind of funny though. Artie had a bunch of stories about Phil and the funny things he had done over the years during broadcasts.
Gary came in and told some stories about Phil as well. He and Artie shared a bunch of stories. Melrose mentioned that he's celebrating 15 years calling into Howard's show as of today. Howard congratulated him on that and then said that it's Laura Lakner's birthday today so he wished her a happy birthday. He said that she hates the term ''assistant'' but she does work for him.
Howard said he got a very big offer for The Losers to open for the Edgar Winter band on September 14th. Howard said that might be a good warm up gig for them before opening for Van Halen. Howard wasn't even sure where they'd be playing and then wondered why Edgar isn't opening for him.
Howard said that he'd love to open for like 19,000 people in a stadium or something like that. The caller thinks that they could hold their own concert and bring in like 15,000 people. Howard wasn't sure they could pull that off. He wanted to open for Van Halen first and see how that goes.
Howard told Gary to contact Van Halen's management and ask them what they'd be willing to pay them to open. He had said that they would play for free but the guys told him that they could get paid to do that. Fred read through some of the cities they were playing in and Howard said that they could play some of those cities.
Howard then told Gary that the best way to handle the whole thing was tell Van Halen's management that The Losers aren't available. He said that you tell them that if they were thinking of hiring them, they're not available.
Gary said that Aerosmith is playing Jones Beach this summer too. Howard said he'd rather just do the Van Halen thing. He said that's going to be the big tour this year. He then played some clips from the Van Halen press conference where David Lee Roth was rambling on and on about the band getting back together.
The caller on the line said that he has a guy who claims that he could beat both Howard and Artie in a game of basketball. Howard said he might be able to because he's so bad at the game. Artie might still be able to play but he'd have a hard time running around at 300 pounds. The two of them wondered what they'd get out of it if they did play. The caller told them he'd have his buddy come down there if they wanted to talk it over with him. Howard put the guy on hold and said that he'd set him up.
Robin said that they tried hooking up Scott's clamp in her race car but she told them to get it out of there. Scott said it's not made for doing something like that, it's made for standing still while taking pictures or video of your golf swing.
Howard wondered why Scott was having his product made in China. Scott said it was all about saving money and had nothing to do with supporting Communism. Jason came in and said that he saw the other product and he has to support that because it's so much nicer than what Scott came up with. He told Howard that Scott's product is just clamp, that's it. He said he's been working on it for like 15 years and it's just a clamp.
Scott said that this other product is very different than his. He said that the other thing is a tripod you set up on the ground while his stays on the cart. Scott came up with the idea when he wanted to tape his swing. He said they actually use one of them in the studio.
Artie asked Jason why he's so anti-Scott. Scott said Jason is just trying to get him all worked up but it's not working today. Scott said that he was developing the product slowly but he's a Type A personality and he's always busy. Howard found that hard to believe and wanted to compare his day to Scott's to see who was the real Type A.
Scott said that he went home yesterday and worked on his son's club house. He said he also cooked dinner but Howard cut him off there and said that's all leisure stuff. Artie said he works harder than Scott but he's not even close to being a Type A personality. Howard said that Artie does a ton of work every weekend and he's so much more a Type A than Scott.
Scott took back the Type A thing and said that he's not one but he does work very hard. Howard took a call from a guy who said that he found that there's already a patent on the product that Scott has created. He read the patent information and was going to give him the patent information but Scott said he had looked into it already. He said that he consulted a patent attorney and he was told that the patent for a regular tripod wouldn't hold up in court. The guy on the phone, Mark the Patent Attorney, gave Scott the patent number, 6142437, and told him to look it up.
Benjy looked up the patent and said that it was done in 2000. Jason was saying that Scott had been working on this thing for 15 years and missed out on the patent. Howard checked out some pictures of the patented thing that the caller mentioned. Jason was still goofing on Scott about how he thinks that he's the hardest working guy there when he's really not.
Scott said that his product should cost about $50 and it's much cheaper than the $350 product that they were talking about earlier. Jason was asking Scott about what comes with the video caddy and if it came with a remote. Scott said you don't need a remote, you just hit record and walk over to the ball.
Will came in and said that the patent that Mark was talking about was exactly the same as what Scott was describing. Scott said that if that is true, he's going to have to sue the attorney who told him that his product is patentable. Scott said that he has 20 of these caddy's right now and that was just to get the company off the ground. He said that when they go into production, they're going to buy them from the company in China.
Artie wanted one of Scott's caddy's and said he'd give him $50 right then. He gave him $60 and told him to buy another shirt. He said he wants to see the caddy tomorrow. Scott said he could bring it in but it would be in a white box, nothing special. Artie said now he has to go out and buy a camera to mount to the caddy and also a golf cart. He said he actually just wanted to see the caddy in person.
Artie said that Scott has to be careful selling this thing to him because of that other patent. Mark the Patent Attorney said that he also wanted to help Artie get his web site name. Artie said he'd like to do that as well.
Dominic Barbara called in and said that now that Scott has sold one, he cold get into some legal trouble. He cracked a lame joke referring to the Caddyshack movie but no one got it.
Ralph called in and said that Scott obviously doesn't believe in his product, otherwise he would have had a bunch made and would have been selling them already. Ralph told him that they already make tripods that mount to anything and no one needs this thing that he's making. Ralph said that he has a camera mount that can wrap around anything and hold a camera. Artie told him to bring that thing in tomorrow and he'll compare it to Scott's invention.
Howard said that Scott probably envisioned millions of dollars and retirement with that thing and now everyone is crushing his dreams. Ralph asked him why he didn't get this thing out sooner. Scott said he didn't do any marketing for many years and then a few years ago a guy told him how cool the invention was and now he's doing it. Gary said that they were all looking at the patent out in the office and it looks like it's exactly what Scott has come up with.
Fred asked Scott why his camera mount was any better than a regular tri-pod. He said that it allows you to leave the camera on the cart and not have to lug it around. Gary told Howard that they have a 7:30 guest so they have to get to him. Howard said they have Buzz Aldrin calling in so he really wanted to get to that. He went to break right after that.
Buzz said that when people are trying to shoot you, that's real fear. He said that training to fly to the moon was much different. Howard told him how much he respected him for doing something like that. He can't imagine being in combat himself.
Howard asked Buzz if it was the best part of his life going to the moon like that. Buzz said that there isn't much walking going on because your feet are useless since there's no gravity. He was trying to explain that but Howard cut him off and asked him about the Ali G interview he had done one time. Buzz said he had never heard of the guy before and then he shows up in that yellow outfit of his. Howard asked him if it pisses him off that people don't believe that he went to the moon. Buzz said that it doesn't bother him, it's just people trying to get their 15 minutes of fame.
Buzz said that he's been confronted on that many times and someone once said that the best people to ask would be the Russians. If anyone would have called them out on faking that moon landing, it would have been the Russians.
Howard talked to Buzz about Neil Armstrong and told him that he thinks that Buzz should have been the first one to walk on the moon because of his military background. He went on to ask Buzz about what happened after he walked on the moon because his life kind of fell apart. Buzz said that he had depression in his family and his mother took her life a year before he went to the moon. He said that he lived a very structured life growing up and when all of that happened, it was kind of tough to live his life with all the fame.
Howard asked Buzz if he had a lot of chicks after that moon thing. He figured that women must really like that. Buzz said he really didn't have a lot of women back then. He said he was a heavy drinker but now he's been sober for 28 years now. He seemed to change the subject to get away from the ''poontang'' comments.
Buzz talked about what it's like being weightless and how cool that is. He said they didn't use that word back then because they were trying to stay cool in their outfits. He said that it's like being underwater when you're in space. He talked about some of the training he did and what that was like.
Howard asked Buzz about seeing a UFO up there. Buzz said that there was a book written about that but he didn't see anything, he just saw a piece of the rocket following them. Howard said that Buzz's real name isn't Buzz. Buzz said it is now, he had it legally changed about 20 years ago. He said that he was born Edwin Eugene Aldrin Jr. Though.
Howard read in the tabloids hat Buzz had gotten a face lift. He told him he really doesn't need that. He said he had a bit of a drooping chin so he had to have something done. He said that he's just as vain as Howard is so he had to do it.
Howard said that Buzz is promoting this 3 day 2 night stay in Orlando. Buzz said that this is the same company that offers free stays out in Las Vegas. He said that all you have to do is call this company at 866-67-GO-WIN and you can get a free hotel stay in Orlando. If you do it in the next 15 minutes, they'll throw in tickets to some Orlando attractions. Buzz said that he's done it himself and it's a nice time.
Artie told Buzz about Scott DePace's Video Caddy and said that if he had flown to the moon today, he could have used that to tape himself. Howard told Buzz that if he's ever in New York he'd like to take him to Scores and they'll get some broads together. Buzz said that his wife is always with him so she'd have to come with them.
Howard asked Buzz if he ever had two broads at once back in the 60s. Buzz said he couldn't recall ever doing anything like that. He said he never did drugs or anything like that either. He said he was a pipe smoker but that was it. He said he never smoked weed because that was a different generation.
Howard asked Buzz if he hates Neil Armstrong. Buzz said he doesn't hate him, they get together once in a while. He said Neil has a younger wife who gets him out moving around once in a wh