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Howard started off the show talking about what they had coming up on the show. They had the weigh in for the Battle of the Blobs show. They also have Lexi Bardot coming in to play a game of Schphinctionary. Robin and Artie came in around that time so Howard mentioned the Jimmy Kimmel appearance he made on Friday last week.
Artie said he got a bunch of calls about that appearance and one of them was from Howard and that message was very nice. Howard said Artie was very relaxed and it appeared he was just ad-libbing the whole thing. Artie said it's much easier to do a show when you're friends with someone. He said he did do a pre-interview but he and Jimmy just talked about a bunch of stuff.
Howard played the intro that Jimmy gave Artie when he came out. Jimmy talked about what a mess Artie is and then had him come out to cheers from the crowd. Artie talked about this midget who came out and played the leprechaun earlier in the show and talked about how he knew him. He told a story about working with the midget on ''Dirty Work'' and how they had him listed as ''Midget'' on the call sheet for the movie. The guy's agent got pissed about that so they had them change it to his name. The next morning the call sheet read ''Paul the Midget'' which got a laugh from the crowd. Jimmy gave out the midget's real name but Artie had changed it because he was trying to protect him since he said he had just bought weed from the guy.
Artie talked about the difference between calling a little person a midget and using the N-word with a black person. He said they're not the same thing. Artie was killing so Robin said that she wanted to hear more after that. Artie said that story was all ad-libbed because he had just seen the midget guy after doing the pre-interview so he just talked to Jimmy about that without sticking to the list.
Howard played more of the Kimmel interview where Artie was talking about how his coke dealer had once given him green cocaine so when his nose bled it looked like a Christmas tree with the green and red. Then he told another story about going to a bar with some friends on a St. Patrick's day evening. He and his buddies were so drunk they didn't remember that they had tickets to a basketball game. They were at a bar and eventually ran over to see the game. Artie was so drunk he didn't remember that he was yelling out that Michael Jordan was gay so a guard came over and told him he couldn't do that. Artie said his friend told him he was asking the guard if he could say certain things and he ended up asking the guy if he could call his mother a whore. They ended up getting kicked out of the game for that.
Artie got two full segments so when they went to break Jimmy said he was going to talk to Artie about Howard's engagement. Artie said ''Yeah, what a fruit'' when Jimmy brought up the engagement. After a commercial break Artie and Jimmy talked about the engagement. Artie said Howard is very lucky with Beth because he's never found a great girl like that, he's always had whores who just wanted his money. They spent a short time on the engagement. Jimmy asked Artie if he's going to help out with the bachelor party. Artie said he wouldn't know what to do about that because Howard has so much money.
Howard said Artie was on fire on that show and he did good. He said he knows how tough it is to do those shows. Artie said that he's been meeting a lot of people lately who have SIRIUS and it seems like everyone has it. He said the actor who was on with him on Kimmel even told him he and his friends have it and listen all the time.
Howard played more of Artie's interview where he was talking about how people love and hate him so they'll make fun of him out on the street and then ask to have their picture taken with them. He was also talking about this ''Wah'' phenomenon he's created. He talked about how people will be doing that to his mother when he dies. He said he hopes that he doesn't die before his mother. He said that would be horrible. He talked about that being awful and then talked about something else that was horrible and said it was a Mets vs. Reds game back in 1987.
Howard said Artie was really on a roll on that show. He played a little more of the interview where Artie talked about how people have mistaken him for Rosie O'Donnell because he's gotten so fat. He was talking about the fat thing and how he had this chick out in Vegas and how he couldn't see her face as she was blowing him. He said he told a buddy that he wasn't sure what it was but something was blowing him.
Howard told Artie that it may have been one of the best stand-up appearances he's ever seen on a talk show. Artie said that the dude who followed him on that show is dating a really hot chick. He said she used to work at G4 with Beth and it must be a really hot chick place to work.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Artie what he thought of the band that played on that show. Artie said that they weren't rockin' enough for him. The band, The Feelings, was a little too light for Artie. The caller said he could only think of Gilbert saying ''What are you a Homo?'' Another caller said that the other guest, Brian Greenberg, was describing the show he's on called ''October Road'' and an audience member yelled out ''Wah'' while he was describing it. Artie said that was one of the biggest laughs on the show. Howard had that clip so he played that as well.
Another caller said that he was worried about what they were going to bleep on that show because they can't say much of anything on network TV. The caller was also telling Howard that the show was great last week and it seems like they're constantly improving over the years. Robin said someone told her how Artie seems to be ''unleashed'' on satellite and he's been doing great since they moved.
The caller was also telling Howard that he should have been proud of how his movie did back in 1997. Howard opened with a $15 million weekend and the movie did pretty well after that. Howard said that they made about $80 million total after that. He said he hasn't made a movie in the past 10 years. He said he just got a script this past weekend that was a great idea for a movie but it just wasn't that good. It was a good idea that didn't go anywhere.
Artie said that Milosh Forman loves Norm MacDonald and has told him that no one even buys scripts anymore, they just buy the ideas for movies. Howard took a call from a guy who asked why the Chris Rock interview hasn't been on Howard TV yet. Howard said he'd find out from Doug Goodstein.
Another caller said that Artie looked huge on Kimmel. Howard said everyone is worried about Artie's weight and even Artie seems to be worried about it but he just accepts it. Artie said he's not that accepting of it. He said he would like to get older. Robin said she thought he was going to get into that weight loss thing after last week. He said come April he will do something about it.
Doug Goodstein came in and said they'll have that Chris Rock show on in early April. He said they had that basketball show going on that day so that's what they put up on Howard TV that day.
Howard asked Eric who he's for on that show. Eric said he's for Lakisha and he's going to be voting for her this week. He said that it won't be fun if that guy wins. He's afraid that the show will end if they get that guy voted in. Howard said he thinks that Eric is against black people on that show because he doesn't really vote for anyone black on the show. Eric claims that he does vote for black people on there and he doesn't have any racist problems at all.
Howard played some phony commercials that they came up with for the Sanjaya thing. He had a phony Angelina Jolie, David Lee Roth and Ozzy Osbourne telling everyone to vote for Sanjaya. Eric asked Howard how he would feel if he ruined his favorite show, Dancing with the Stars. Howard pretended he was upset about that and asked Eric not to ruin that show. Eric said he thinks that show is so boring that he almost fell asleep watching it last week.
Howard played a voice mail from Crazy Alice who is on Eric's side in this thing. She's against him for not voting for black people on the show though so she had mixed feelings about it. She hopes that Sanjaya doesn't win and called him some names. She also went off on Eric a little bit but was also saying that she was on his side. She went off on Howard too.
Howard played another celebrity endorsement for Sanjaya. This time it was High Pitch Eric playing the part of Michael Jackson. Eric said he knew it was High Pitch Eric but Howard insisted that it was Michael Jackson. He told Eric that he should just join them and vote for Sanjaya this week.
Howard said there's a woman out there who is on a hunger strike because of this Sanjaya thing. She's so upset about it that she's going on a hunger strike. Howard played some audio of her explaining why she's doing this and how she's going to do this hunger strike until the guy is voted off or the producers take him off. She said you can find more about this at Myspace.com/starvationforsanjaya. Howard told Eric that maybe he should join her but Eric said he's not into it that much.
Artie said there's nothing that would get him to go on a hunger strike like that. Eric told him he should go on one because he's so fat. Howard said that Artie won't even protest the Iraq war over that. Howard had some audio clips from a bunch of entertainment shows talking about the Sanjaya thing and how Howard Stern has been pushing for people to sabotage the show. Inside Edition did a little report about it. Howard told Eric that he could be a part of it if he just joined them now. Eric said ''no way'' to that idea.
Howard said they have a game in mind where Eric would have to vote for Sanjaya if he lost. Eric said he would stick to his word if he did play the game and lost. Howard played more audio clips from various news reports where they talked about this Sanjaya guy staying on the show. A lot of people are thinking that Howard is responsible for the guy still being on the show.
Howard told Eric that he should get in on this whole thing because it's getting so big. Eric was still saying he wanted no part of it. Howard played another clip from The View where they talked about how Howard has been pushing to keep Sanjaya on the show along with that web site VoteForTheWorst.com. Eric said that he doesn't think that they have a chance of keeping that guy on the show for too long.
Howard said he liked when Eric called in and said that he didn't want Sanjaya on the show because when he goes to see the tour, he doesn't want to see that guy performing. Howard went into another audio clip where Keith Olbermann talked about the Sanjaya thing and how people are giving Howard credit for pushing to keep the guy on the show. Keith interviewed Maria Milito about what's going on and she doesn't believe that Howard is responsible for it and he won't be able to make it happen since he's not on free radio anymore. She said she's always liked Howard though.
Robin asked Eric if he ever has fun. Eric said he does and just last month he had fun at a WWE party where he met a bunch of wrestlers. He started rattling off names so the guys cut him off and said they get it, he had fun. Howard played another news report where they gave him credit for the voting. Justin Guarini was asked about the voting but that interview was so boring that Howard cut it off.
Howard took a call from Governor Schwarzenegger (Fake Arnold) who was trying to convince everyone to vote for Sanjaya. He said this is the American way and they should all have some fun with this and vote for the dark horse on the show. Howard said this is kind of the way Arnold won the governorship. He said he was the dark horse and came out to win. Howard asked Eric if he agrees with this. Eric said that he voted against Governor Schwarzenegger in the last election. Eric asked Arnold about something that went on with The Apprentice last night but Arnold didn't answer him on that.
Howard asked Governor Schwarzenegger how things were going. Arnold said things are going okay but he did have a guy stalking him a couple of years ago and now he's thinking that Eric is the one doing it. He told Eric not to screw with him because he will cut off his support if he doesn't go along with him. Eric exposed Fake Arnold for who he was and asked him to answer this question he had for him about last night's Apprentice show. Arnold went off on him and said he's sick of this shit. Howard told Arnold that Eric had peed his bed in his PJ Pants. Arnold said Eric reminds him of this guy that was in Total Recall with him.
Howard asked Arnold if he thinks Eric should lift weights. Arnold told him he shouldn't even think he should be living. Howard wrapped up with him a short time later. Howard told Eric that this was the real Arnold, not Fake Arnold. He told Eric to go do whatever he has to do. Eric said they can fool George Takei with that stuff twice but not with him. Howard told Eric he had to get going and he was missing out on getting some credit for that Sanjaya thing but he blew it. He went into his Eric impression and goofed on him a little bit as he was saying goodbye. He said he loves Eric and even that he won't join the movement. He knows that Eric will call in and gloat if Sanjaya gets voted off this week.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the Schphinctionary game sounds like a fun thing to play. Howard explained the game to the guy and said two guys are going to be competing to win a date with this Lexi Bardot chick. The guys are going to be drawing pictures with their asses. He played some audio of her getting screwed in some movies she was in. She was yelling out and describing what she was having done to her. Howard said he's never heard a woman talk like that during sex.
Howard said he also learned that Hot for Teacher was about a teacher who was really hot. He played a little more of that song and ended up talking about some other songs where they mention chess. He said they had a band on the show one time whose song he really liked. Fred knew it was Red Rider and their song ''Lunatic Fringe.'' Fred said that was like their only hit song. Robin had no idea what song Howard was trying to sing but Fred somehow knew exactly what he was talking about. He played that song a short time later. Artie said they play that song on Classic Vinyl on SIRIUS. He said they had just played it a few days ago.
Howard played more of the Yes song and talked about his own chess games lately. He said he does good but then he'll make one bad move and fuck up the whole thing Robin said that she's kind of that way with racing. She said she was out racing this weekend in California. She managed to get out before the snow storm stopped her. She said that she was just practicing.
Robin said she was stuck in this little town called Lancaster and she was there with people like Katherine Morris from Cold Case, Emily Proctor from CSI, Kelly Hu, Aiesha Tyler, Kendra from The Girls Next Door... Howard said she was surrounded by a bunch of hot chicks. Robin said there was no getting away from them. She said Martina Navratilova was snowed in over in Philly so she couldn't fly in right away. Howard said she would have been in heaven with all of those hot chicks. Robin said Martina may be calling into the show today so they can talk to her about that.
Robin said that Kelly Hu would get very girlie at night after being dressed in the racing jumpsuits. Howard didn't remember who she was at first but then remembered how hot she was. Robin said that Josh Morrow was also there. She said that there may have been a little bit of an altercation between the locals and the celebrities. She said the bar at the hotel was kind of the local gathering place and they got upset when George Lucas wanted to watch an Formula 1 race instead of something else. Robin said everyone was going up to George and talking to him about when they met him. Howard said he should go back to working on those Star Wars scripts. He said he's busy ruining the franchise. Robin said everyone became a Star Wars geek when they were around him.
Howard went off on Lucas saying that he really ruined that franchise. Robin said she brought a girlfriend with him to keep the other women away. Howard said that he's starting to look like Jabba the Hutt now. Robin said she had a nice time with him this weekend and she was star struck by him. She said that Star Wars was incredible and she was really star struck by the guy. Howard said he would have told him what he thought about his movies if he was there. Robin said Emily Proctor went up to him and asked if Jabba was a bad guy. That's when Robin realized what he must go through.
Howard said he would have asked about that Jar Jar Binks crap. Artie said he would have asked him about American Graffiti if he was there. That way he would have thrown him a curve ball. Robin was saying that she had a lot of fun racing up there but she doesn't think she's ready to race Bubba yet. She said there was one big crash this weekend between George Lucas and this other guy Jerry. She said that she has gotten down the start of the race very well and she figured out how to get the jump on the rest of them. She said that's when George and Jerry got into their wreck, going into the first corner.
Howard asked Robin what George Lucas' girlfriend does. She said she's a financial analyst on Good Morning America. Howard wanted to look her up but Robin couldn't remember her name. She said she was trying to look her up herself. Fred eventually found a name that he thought might be her so he asked Robin if it was Melody Hobson. Robin said that was her so Fred looked it up. It turns out she's a black chick so Howard thought Robin was hiding that from him. She said she was going to tell him but he cut her off. They talked about that for a short time but Howard had a bunch of other things to get to.
Howard had Lisa G come in with her Howard 100 News preview. She said that they will have a report about the original weigh in. They found that Benjy may have been wearing a weight belt or something. Benjy swore on his mother's live that he didn't do anything like that. Fred said that he was wearing a hat that day so maybe he was hiding something in there. Benjy said he only wore the hat because he was going to be on camera. Fred told Benjy to fess up now. Benjy said that he didn't do anything like that and wasn't hiding any weight.
Lisa went through a couple more stories and mentioned that Chuck Zito was going to be doing a show tonight at 7pm on Howard 101. Howard let her go and then moved on to the weigh in.
Howard wanted a list of what everyone weighed last week but it wasn't there. Howard asked Gary how he's supposed to do this without the list. He was hoping that the Schphinctionary game went better. He said he might have to fire someone over this. He eventually got the list so they got to the weighing in. This is week 3 so here's how everyone stands...
Artie actually gained even more weight this week after gaining 2 pounds last week. He was up by 5 more pounds! Artie said he was eating a lot of crap out in California over the weekend. Jon Hein only lost 1 pound. He said he's been eating healthy and exercising every day. He said he's not sure why it's not coming off. He said last night his blood sugar was low so he ate a couple of things but it's obviously not worth it to stay on the diet. He may just go to Wendy's after the show today. Mike Gange was up next and gained a pound. Artie said that his team sucks. They've gained all of this weight while the other team is losing. Benjy was the guy who was keeping them in the contest. He only lost 6 more pounds this week.
Gary said that Tim's team is in the lead by quite a bit compared to what it was last week. Gary said that after the 5th week they break up the teams and start an individual weight loss thing. Artie said he's always had a negative effect on his teams in whatever he's competed in. The grand prize in the contest is courtesy of Cylaris weight loss.
Howard said the look on Gange's face was great when he learned that he had gained weight. He said that they really need to get this thing together and went off on Gary about not having everything set up. He said even this Schphinctionary thing was going to be a nightmare. He said they didn't have it set up right and he had a feeling it was going to go badly.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked Howard if Beth can fit his whole penis in her mouth. Howard said she can take him in. He was also saying that he can dump a lot of goo when he jerks off too. He said it looks like dental floss coming out. Artie said that he manages to get a lot of that crap under his gut when he finishes. He said there's always shit under his gut no matter how he finishes. He said he's got a full fledged gunt going on there and it looks like icicles are hanging off when he finishes.
Howard took another call from a guy who saw the Bubba Wedding Special on Howard TV and thought it was really good. The guy said that Ralph was acting a lot like Howard in that special. Howard said some people actually mistake him for Howard Stern because of that. The caller was also talking about
Another caller told Howard that he went down to Artie's autograph signing over the weekend and the manager of the store told him that they had canceled it. Artie said he was glad he called in because it turns out the companies that put out his two DVDs are fighting like children and they ended up canceling the appearance. He said he thinks he's taken care of the whole thing and they should be okay from now on.
A caller told Howard that he listened to Bubba on Friday morning and thought it was brilliant to put him on in the mornings. Howard said they have that on Howard 101 and Master Tape Theatre on Howard 100. The caller said he's been listening to Bubba and starting to talk like him. He had some Bubba-isms that he's picked up by listening. He gave some of the terms and the guys tried to guess what they meant. He gave things like...
Howard played a clip from a news report where a reporter let out the word ''shit'' when she said she couldn't ''hear shit'' when the reporters went to her. Howard said that someone like that should never use that word no matter what because the FCC is out looking to fine anyone. He said if you have a mic near you, you just don't do that.
Howard had a new phony phone call that Sal did. He said Sal has created this Ghetto Confusion call where he calls a couple of black guys who have the same last name and tells them that if they can prove they're cousins, he'll give them some money from an inheritance. One of the guys started acting like he knew the other guy as soon as he knew there was money involved. The other guy wasn't playing along and wouldn't say that he was his cousin. Then Sal told the guy it was only $4.75 and the guy told him to take that and shove it up his ass. After that call Howard had to take a break before getting to this Schphinctionary game they were going to play.
Howard said that this is a real competition and the guys are really going to have to try and draw things with their asses. Lexi told Howard that she loves anal sex so that led to Howard playing some clips of her movie ''Butt Bitches.'' Howard went on to ask her about the anal sex thing and found out she's stuck cell phones and beer bottles up her ass. She said the cell vibrated in her ass while she was banging this other chick with a strap on. She's also masturbated with a My Favorite Pony doll. She's done a lot of other things like drinking guys urine. She said she even gargles that stuff.
Lexi was saying that some urine tastes better than others. She said vegetarian urine is better than non-vegetarian. She said urine is actually good for you too so that's another reason to do it. She also likes Auto-erotic asphyxiation. She said the key is to not make yourself pass out, you just get light headed and then make the person stop choking you.
Lexi talked about dating black guys and how it usually doesn't work out. She said the guys usually have issues about dating white chicks. Howard asked her about being married and found out that they used to swing and ended up breaking up because she claims he had a coke problem. They used to cut each other during sex and stuff like that. She said that she would actually make him do it to her. Howard said she must be fun in the sack but he would probably cum really fast. He read that she works as an escort. She said she does that but not all that much. Robin asked what she charges. She didn't really say. She said some guys just want to take her out to eat but others want to see what the whole anal thing is all about. She said a lot of the guys are married or divorced.
Lexi didn't lose her virginity until she was 18 years old. She said she was a total geek and a nerd. She had to ask a guy to bang her. Howard told her that she looked very sexy and found out she had natural breasts. Artie was impressed so Lexi asked him if he wanted to touch them. Artie took her up on that offer and felt her up. Howard said they were very perky and asked how she keeps them up like that. She said she does Yoga. She also had a scar on her that she claimed was from cancer that she had removed. She said she had one of her kidney's removed so that's what the scar was.
Howard gave Lexi a couple of plugs for a bunch of web sites like SexAndTheSybian.com, SolowXXX.com and TightFitHD.com. Brian and Kevin were the two guys playing the game today. They were both kind of hefty according to Howard. He had Lexi pose for the guys and asked them what they thought about that. She did that and then asked them if they wanted some titties. Howard had to calm her down a little bit.
Howard asked Kevin, who asked to be called KB instead, why he's a virgin. KB said he did have a girl come on to him when he was high one time but he wasn't able to get it up for her. He said that happened two days in a row with her. He's 24 years old and he's still a virgin. He thinks that he can handle Lexi though. He said that the girl he tried to bang claimed that he had slipped her heroin and injected her even though he had no idea what it was.
Gary came in and said that some of the guys were asking if KB had stuffed his pants with something. He said that he had a big kielbasa in there. Gary said that there was something in there. Howard wanted to get to the game and Lexi said she would like to try drawing as well. Howard moved on to Brian and quickly talked to him about his virginity and then moved on to the game.
Howard said that Robin, Gary, Artie and Fred are all going to be judges in this game. The guys have to draw something on paper with a pen that's stuck in their ass. They have an easel set up that they have to draw on. They're allowed to hold their cheeks with their hands but not the pen directly. They gave KB a word and he had to draw it on the paper. KB had blurted out the word but only Gary heard him say it. Gary was taken out of that judging. Artie was laughing his ass off as KB was drawing the picture. Fred played a bunch of fart sounds as he was drawing too.
Howard asked the guys if they knew what the picture was. Robin thought it looked like a plane dropping a bomb on Iraq. She guessed it was a plane. Gary said it looked like some kind of structure, like a house. Artie said it looked like circus tent. Fred said it looked like a bathtub to him. Will said that Gary got it right when he said it was a house.
Howard had Brian get up next to do his drawing. Brian started drawing with his ass and tried to get close to what he was asked to draw. Howard said this was going to be rough. Robin was laughing when she saw it. Artie said he can't wait to hear that this one was. Robin said it was a golf course. Gary said it was a flying saucer. Artie said it looked like the last shit he took. Then he said it might be a fetus. Artie said it was a penis juggling an olive. Fred said he was going with just a penis. Will told them that it was actually the sun, no one guessed it right.
Howard asked Lexi to go up and try drawing the sun with her ass. He told KB that he had just won so he was happy he didn't have to go through 5 more rounds of that. Lexi got up and said it was kind of tough to get the pen in her ass with no lube. The guys told her she didn't have to insert it, just hold it in her ass. She tried drawing but it didn't come out very well. She let the guys hug her after that.
Brian was a little heart broken that he didn't win. He said he should have been able to draw the Sun, that was something that he's known since 3rd grade. Howard asked Lexi to take a ride on the Sybian while she was there. She said she would do that so they got that ready to go. She said she loves the Sybian so she knew what she was getting into. Gary jacked it up to near full speed right away and she started asking for guys to smack her ass. She wanted to be hit hard and then have it rubbed. Someone was smacking her hard over and over again as she was trying to get off. She finished up after that but Robin said she wasn't buying that she was enjoying it.
Howard gave Lexi some more plugs for her web sites and then wrapped up. KB was very thankful that he had won. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard said that a lot of people don't know that Bob Levy is going to be the one paying for their gigs. Howard heard that Richard and Sal didn't know if they'd have enough money to fly down there. Artie said that Bob is the guy who handles all of that stuff. Artie is the one who makes the final decision about what to pay the guys though. Artie said that the plane rides are all taken care of so he's not sure what the complaint is. Bob said that they're going to get paid for the tickets no problem.
Artie said that Bob worked out a good deal and it could be very high paying. Bob said this could be really big of them and if you're going to go to a show, this is the one to go to. Bob said he's not doing his blue cheese eating thing. He said he's trying to do some cleaner stuff in his shows these days so he can get on Conan or something.
Bob said that Artie is insane at these comedy shows. Howard said he's heard that Bob has whipped out his drugs and stuff and will even pull out coke and start doing it right in front of everyone. Bob said that sometimes he has to do it to stay up. He said he was doing some shows this weekend and had all kinds of weird shit going on.
Artie said that Levy knows that he doesn't want to get into the coke thing again so he leaves him out of it. There have been times when Bob looks for coke after drinking all night. He said finding the coke is an art form and you have to ask the right person to find it. He said it's also very dangerous but Bob is good at finding that stuff.
Bob said that Artie got really drunk at one gig and told him to keep the $20,000 check he had handed him as long as he could get him one vikodin. Artie said that what had happened there had to do with his heroin addiction at the time. Artie said he had driven down to this Delaware show and he got a cut of $18,000 and he was having these withdrawals from the heroin thing. He told Levy that he wanted him to keep the money and just get him 9 Vikodin so he could get over the withdrawal. Bob, being the good guy he is, gave him the check and another guy went and found some Percocet instead of the Vikodin. He said Florentine gave him a ride home after that. Artie said no one knew about the heroin at the time though.
Artie said Dana eventually found out about the heroin and ''headed for zee hills.'' Artie said the Percocet got him straight but then when he and Florentine were driving home Jim asked him if he wanted to go hang out with Pantera. Artie said he did a shot with Dime Bag Darrell that night and it was 3 nights before he was shot and killed. He said they did a bunch of shots with that guy and then drove home. He said he got home and called his drug dealer who hooked him up with a guy who could hook him up with the heroin.
Artie said that hearing from the drug dealer was more important than hearing from his mother or Dana at the time. He said the guy was about 2 hours late showing up to a Burger King. The guy eventually showed up and sold him enough to keep him going for a little longer. He said it was a Sunday morning when he got it and it lasted him for about 2 days. Howard figured he must be glad he's off of that cycle. Artie said it was like being in a prison because it destroys your life and controls it.
Howard asked Artie if the drugs depleted his bank account. Artie said he probably dropped 35,000 in the 8 months he was on it. It was running him about $250 a day at one point. He said that the stuff he was getting was good so it was a little more expensive. Howard asked Levy if he thinks he's got a problem. Bob said he thinks he's got his shit together. Artie said that Levy is a guy who can stay at home and play with his kid and not need anything. Then he goes out and starts partying and gets a little nuts. Bob said he can shut it down on a Sunday with his kids.
Howard asked Artie if it's tough for him to see Levy doing lines in the back room. Artie said he doesn't have a problem with it. Artie said it might be a little harder to see Bob doing heroin but he thinks he's over that shit at this point. Howard wondered if he feels that the stuff is calling his name. Artie said that he got into that stuff back when he was on the road a lot and taking pills. He said this club owner told him that Vikodin was bad for his liver so he offered to get him some heroin to sniff. Artie said he told the guy that was alright and he knew that it was something he loved. He said he couldn't wait to get the show over with so he could go back and use the stuff.
Artie said that he paid about $100 for enough to last about 3 days. He said it was a great euphoric feeling when he did it. He said that led to him almost catching fire to hotel rooms and stuff. He said he got fined for burning some mattresses. He said that's how he got started with the stuff and that led to his addiction. Howard said that if Levy is doing lines in front of people, that's kind of out of control.
Shuli came in and said that some nights Bob is in such bad shape that he has to ask the audience for blow. He said he actually has to adjust his set list to ask for the blow. Howard said that's a problem if you have to do something like that. Shuli said that Bob keeps saying that he's getting off the cigarettes and booze and then they end up chain smoking and drinking a ton of booze in some tiny green room.
Howard said that it's funny that Richard Jeni shot himself but Bob is still going on with his career even though it's not so great. Bob said he could probably shoot himself in the head and live because there's nothing in his head. Shuli told a story about a show they did where they made this guy puke just by talking to him about gross stuff. Then Bob saw the guy puking and started vomiting himself.
Howard told Artie that it's pretty amazing that he's been able to stay off the heroin and not going to any rehab or anything. Artie said that when you hit bottom like he did, you just don't want to go back to doing that shit again. He said some guys are using that stuff just to stay normal and it turns into something that's not a high. Shuli asked Bob if he could stop drinking and doing the drugs. Bob said he probably should stop the drinking and the drugs. He doesn't do it during the week either. He just does it when he goes to these comedy shows.
Howard asked Bob about this big show down in Lakeland. A little earlier Bob had a problem saying the name of the theater which was something like the George Jenkins Theater in Lakeland, Florida. Bob was talking about some of the guys who were going to be there and Ronnie the Limo Driver may be there. He said he's not going to let him on stage though. Ronnie said he's just going down there to hang out. He said Jason, Jon Hein, Tim Sabean and others are going down there too.
Something was wrong with Ronnie so the guys asked him what was going on. Ronnie was upset about Robin's comments about him on the Bubba Wedding Special on Howard TV. Ronnie said that he's staying quiet from now on. She called him an asshole with no personality.
Howard gave Bob some plugs for his upcoming shows. He mentioned the Lakeland show and another one he's doing the week after at Carolines on Broadway. You can find more of Bob's appearances at RevBobLevy.com
Bob said he's going down to Tampa tomorrow and he's doing Bubba's show but he's kind of scared to go on the show because those guys are into some freaky shit. He said those guys are kind of scary. He said he's like a new kid in school and he feels like he's going to get raped or something. Robin said that Akira has had just about everything done to her but actually killing her. Bob said they should make her fuck him, that would really be the end for her.
Artie said that he has been honest with Howard and has told him that he could leave the show if he gets a good deal but he's always known that. Howard eventually had to bail out on the call because he couldn't take it anymore. The caller didn't seem to believe that Howard's reaction was his real reaction.
Howard took a call from a guy who had seen this movie ''Black Snake Moan'' where Christina Ricci gets naked. Howard said he wanted to watch the movie but he lost the copy that got sent to him by the studio. Gary said that the movie company is mad at Howard for losing that copy. It turns out it's a big deal that he lost it and the movie company isn't happy. Howard is pretty sure it got destroyed when it got mixed up in a pile of magazines. He said he really doesn't care because it was probably a piece of shit anyway. Robin said she saw it and it was actually a good movie.
Howard took some more phone calls and one of them was from a guy who claims he's the guy who wrote the wedding song for him and Beth. Howard said the song wasn't for he and Beth, it was just a love song that he sent in. Howard said the song was a piece of shit song that had nothing to do with him and Beth. Gary told Howard where the song was so Howard played some of ''Forever More.'' He talked it up as if he were Cousin Brucie. Artie said ''what a joke'' as the song was playing. Bob Levy said he could have written a song that bad. Sal then came in and said he wrote a wedding song for him too. Howard played the song which was Howard going off on guys telling them not to get married.
Howard said it's obvious that the caller didn't write that song for him. The caller said that he did write it 15 years ago but he re-did it for Howard. Howard hung up on the guy and said that they got a letter from the guy who wrote ''Under the Boardwalk'' and ''Good Lovin'' and has now written a song about Anna Nicole Smith. Howard said the odd thing is that the Anna Nicole song is awful. He said those other two songs were great but this Anna song he just doesn't get. He played the song and
Steve wrapped up so Howard took a call from a woman who asked Artie if he's ever been to Lakeland, Florida before. Artie has never been there so the woman told him that it's a big drug town and there should be a lot of crank there. Bob said he picked the right town then. Howard took some more phone calls after that. He whipped through a bunch and let some callers talk about a bunch of various things.
One caller brought up the Artie discussion they had earlier. He said that Howard isn't mad at Artie because he was always up front about the deal he made with FOX while someone like Jackie would have held out until the last minute. Howard said he's really not mad at Jackie though.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He mentioned that they had Beth on the show last Thursday for a full hour so he played some clips from that show. Beth talked about how she never really had the feeling that she wanted to be a mother when she was growing up. She said she still hasn't had that maternal instinct and she's 35 years old. She said that's right now though and she's not sure if that might change in the future. She said she might change in 3 months or 2 years, she's not sure. Howard said Gary told him it's good when he's not there because they can grill her and find out more details without him interrupting.
Bob thinks that Howard is fucked and he's going to end up having a kid. Howard said he's not having any kids and told Bob to go do his drugs. Howard played more from the Wrap Up Show where Gary was asking Beth about when they might get married. Beth doesn't think it's going to be anytime soon. She was saying that their new house is still under construction so she's not sure that they'd be able to do anything before that happens.
Beth also talked about how she ignored Sal when she saw him in the hall there. She wanted to make him feel bad so she just ignored him and didn't give him a hug. Howard had Jon Hein give his Wrap Up Show preview next. Jon ran down the stuff they had coming up today. He ran down a few subjects that they were going to talk about from today's show.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Howard for his opinion on the Anna Nicole Smith death and if he thinks it was a murder. Howard said he really doesn't know that much about Anna Nicole but the caller gave him an ''Oh, come on...'' Howard said he really doesn't think she was murdered but he also doesn't know that much about her. Robin said that there could be some criminality involved in the case even if it wasn't really a murder. Howard said he was confused and didn't have any other information about the case. He bailed out on that call and then went to break.
Howard eventually found the music clips that Robin wanted him to play. That led to the guys talking about these bands and performers from England that seem to be invading the country now. Howard said one of them, Amy Winehouse, was supposed to do the show but she just didn't show up. He said he's kind of glad because he really didn't have much to talk to her about anyway.
Artie said that it just seems like the 1970s was just a better time for music and even things like the original cast of Saturday Night Live and things like that. Howard found some of those Sanjaya clips that he was looking for earlier. He replayed the phony Angelina Jolie clip that he had played earlier in the show. He also played the David Lee Roth and Ozzy Osbourne (both played by Billy Mira) endorsements for the Sanjaya American Idol thing.
Howard had Lexi put KB on the phone. He asked him what his problem was. KB said he got nervous and couldn't get it up for a while. He said the date it over now and he wasn't able to get it up for very long. He said he kind of got it up, but not really. Howard and the guys were goofing on the guy for now being able to get it up. KB said that she tried to give him a hand job but even that didn't work.
Howard asked KB if he played with her titties or anything. He said she didn't take her clothes off so he couldn't. Howard had him put Lexi back on the phone. He asked her why she didn't show any of her skin. She said he saw her on the show naked. Howard asked her if she pulled on his weenie. She claimed she had but he was really nervous. She said she really shouldn't be his first woman. She thinks that he should have someone else who won't scar him. She thinks that he needs a cocktail so they're going to go down to the bar to drink. Howard told her to go ahead and do that then.
Howard let Lexi go and told Gary to make sure they talk to KB tomorrow to find out what happened. He had Robin get back to her news after that. She finished up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:00am.
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Howard started off the show talking about how he was driving himself nuts after he got an e-mail yesterday. He stopped himself there and brought up Robin Radzinski whose boyfriend had just died. He wasn't all that old, he was only about 50. Howard said he spoke to Robin Radzinski about it.
Howard got sidetracked and said that the guys on the Wrap Up Show were talking about Robin (Quivers) racing cars. He played a clip where Gary and Jon were talking about how Robin seems to be getting ready to back out of the race against Bubba. Gary said that Robin seems to be admitting that she's not in that class with Bubba now. Howard asked Robin if she is going to go on to race Bubba or not. She said she will absolutely do that and she will not back down from that challenge. She said she's not going to stop after this race.
Robin told Gary that whenever Bob Levy is agreeing with you on something, you should back off. That led to Howard talking about Levy trying to say Shcphinctionary on the Wrap Up Show yesterday was very funny. He played a clip of Bob trying to say the word and he would say ''Swincktionary'' over and over again. Artie was calling Bob a fucking retard after hearing that. Howard said Bob just can't break down words like that. Robin asked Howard if he heard Bob spelling ''arena.'' Howard missed that so he asked the guys to pull that clip.
Howard said the show has one thing that might save it. He said that's Heather Mills. He said she's clearly a nut job and she wants to be famous and loved. She's got one leg and she's going to try and dance. He said he's never seen so many people root against someone with one leg like they are doing for her. He said she must have a despicable personality for people to hate her so much. He said it's horrible to have just one leg but it's very easy to hate her. He said you just want to kick her in her ''vagine'' when you see her.
Howard said that when you see her you want to shake her for what she's doing to Paul McCartney. He said you're watching this show and it makes you wonder why you hate a one legged woman hopping around. He said he's never hated a person with one like in his life, until now. A caller Howard had on the line told Howard earlier that he was a bad influence because he was starting to watch that show himself.
Howard said Ian Ziering is on that show and claiming to be a Broadway actor. He said it looks like Ian got some hair transplants. He also talked about some of the other contestants on the show like Joey Fatone and Clyde Drexler. The caller asked Howard if he would ever try that show. Howard said there's no way he would ever do the show. The caller thinks that he'd look kind of like Clyde Drexler.
Artie found it hard to believe that these guys like Clyde Drexler are doing that show. Howard said he told Beth that this would have been the right season to be on that show. Everyone sucks on that show and she probably could have done very well. He said that he loves that she turns that crap down though. He said she's not that desperate and won't take every single thing that's offered to her. She was even thinking of backing out of The View thing she's doing next week. She's so into this North Shore Animal League thing that she's going to just go on and do it to try and save some animals.
Robin brought up the dog food that's apparently killing dogs and cats. Howard said that he and Beth were using that food for Bianca but it turns out it was just the wet food that was killing them and they were using the dry food. He said he was reading the article where they talked about this food and he wondered what it was that was causing kidney failure. Robin said it was something about the wheat gluten. Jason came in and said that they don't even know exactly what it is that's causing the problem.
Howard read the article to the guys and said that some of the big brands are included in the list of foods that might be causing problems for these pets. The company makes some of the big names like Iams and Eukanuba. Robin said that stuff is supposed to be the higher end of pet food.
Howard talked about how much work Beth does with Bianca and how she even brushes the dog's teeth. Howard said the dog would be a mess if Beth wasn't around. That led to Artie talking about how a guy needs a broad to help out with that stuff because a guy doesn't want to brush a dog's teeth or clean the folds of skin. Howard said he will hold Bianca when they rinse the dog's mouth with an oral rinse. Artie asked if Bianca or Richard Christy has a cleaner mouth. Howard figures it's Bianca.
Howard took another call from a guy who didn't want to admit that he watches Dancing with the Stars but he is watching it. Howard said he thinks that some of those dancers have amazing bodies. He was saying that some of the chicks have awful accents though. He mentioned the Russian broads and how he can hear them asking where the guy's money is.
Howard said that he finally did get to see the pictures and Bubba has his wife kind of naked at first and then he's showing her big ol' titties. He said there's something wrong about some of that stuff. They didn't show any labia in the pictures but Benjy said that they might be able to lighten the pictures up and see something. That led to Howard asking what the labia minora and major are. Robin explained to Howard that women have two sets of labia lips down there. Howard said that must be why it looks like roast beef down there.
Howard read some e-mail about that George Lucas rant from yesterday and some people agreed with him on what he was saying. He read through some of the e-mail and one person thinks that Howard still isn't cured and the show is all about him all the time. Howard said he knows he's not perfect. He got back into the George Lucas thing and said that he really ruined the last 3 Star Wars movies.
The caller on the line told Artie to try and lose some weight. That got Howard reading some e-mail feedback about Artie's weight. There was a lot of feedback about Artie's fat. One guy said that Artie isn't going to get a sitcom looking the way he does these days. Artie said that fat guys have been getting sitcoms forever so that's just not true.
Ralph called in and pointed out that Robin was sitting around goofing on George Lucas just a short time before she went out to California to do the racing with him. They were talking about the goiter looking thing under his neck and how he has that weird, over-manicured beard and things like that. Robin said she was sorry that she even brought him up. Howard talked about that beard and how his neck sticks out like there's some kind of goiter there. Ralph asked her to ask him what's going on there. Robin said she will do that but she was being sarcastic.
Howard said that Ralph hasn't been catching up on Battlestar Galactica like he has. He said he's caught up now but he's been reading how they're thinking of bringing the show to an end after next season. Howard said the show is great so it's a shame that they're going to be ending it. Robin said that you have to look at Lost because they went beyond their vision with that and they kind of ruined it.
Howard asked Eric if he's in with them yet. Eric said ''Nooo!'' and said he's not going to be part of the ridiculous idea. Howard told Eric that he saw he was just voted number 3 on the top midgets of all time. He asked him if he had seen it. Eric gave him another ''Nooo!''
Howard read the list of little people that Eric was on and how even Verne Troyer came in after Eric. Howard had a little description about him where they described Eric as being an ungrateful little person confined to a wheelchair. The guys talked about the number one guy on the list who was the actor who was in the movie ''Willow.'' Howard said that Eric came in at number 3 which is pretty huge. The description talks about how miserable Eric is and how he's part of the Wack Pack. They even say that he might be evil and very angry for a little person. They also bring up the recent hit that Eric wanted to take out on someone who had bad mouthed him on Stern's show. They even listed his comments of ''You know what to do... You know what to do... just find him.'' that he said to Johnny Fratto.
The guys asked Eric if he was impressed over that. Eric didn't seem to be impressed at all. That led to Fred playing the clip of Eric telling Johnny to find that guy who bad mouthed him on the show. Robin asked Eric if he had an acceptance speech ready. Eric was full of ''No'' this morning and gave her one for that question. Howard had a promo that the guys put together congratulating Eric on the number 3 thing. Howard asked Eric what he thought about that. Eric wasn't honored at all and said that they have to stop using the term ''midget.''
The phone was kind of muffled so Ralph was laughing thinking about how he must have been holding the phone. Howard told Eric that he's going to be the only one not involved with the Sanjaya thing. Eric said he was busy voting for Heather Mills to stay on Dancing with the Stars last night. Howard said he doesn't care, he wants her to stay on that show so his plan has just backfired.
Howard talked about Heather Mills and how much you have to hate her even though she's missing a leg. He said you want to see her fall when you watch her dance. He said that they never mentioned that she was with Paul McCartney. He said they should really just put under her name ''Cunt'' instead of whatever it is that's under there.
Howard told Eric that his little plan had just backfired on him. Eric said he was trying to get a lot of people to vote for her but some refused to do it. Howard told Eric that he wanted her on the show and his plan wasn't working. Eric said that he's not going to vote for her next week then. Ralph told Howard to tell Eric he did want Sanjaya voted off and maybe Eric would change his tune then. Eric said he won't fall for that, just like he didn't fall for the Fake Arnold thing yesterday.
Eric said that he wants them to change the rules on the show and just get rid of this Sanjaya kid. Howard said they have to stick to the rules, they can't just not pay attention to them all of a sudden. Eric thinks that in this case they should make an exception. Eric said that Sanjaya is like a mix of William Hung and Clay Aiken because he can't sing and he's gay just like Clay. The guys said they don't really have proof that Clay is gay though. Howard told Eric that he's going to be wrong again on this one.
Howard played an Eric the Midget prank call the guys made using some audio clips of his voice. The guys asked Eric why he was so angry in that call so Eric reminded them that it was Sal and Richard who made the call. Howard wrapped up with Eric after that and asked if he'd be willing to reconsider voting for Sanjaya. Eric said he won't vote for him even if he makes it to the final 2. Ralph asked him how many times he's going to vote against him tonight. Eric said he's going to be voting as much as possible during that 2 hour vote window. Howard said his fingers will probably bleed from dialing so much.
Ralph said he's going to be voting for Sanjaya while Eric is voting for Lakisha. Fred played some Dueling Banjos music in the background as Howard and Eric were going back and forth on the Sanjaya thing. Eric asked Howard if they were going to play that game they brought up the other day. Howard asked Gary what was going on with that. If Eric lost the game, he'd have to vote for Sanjaya. They didn't have the game ready today so Howard was going to let Eric go. Eric told Howard that Sanjaya was the ''Wrong choice.'' Howard let him go a short time later and gave him a ''Bye for now...'' Eric just said ''Bye.''
Howard said that he was going to get on the phone and yell at that chick. He said that she drinks urine but wouldn't have sex with this guy who won. He said she could have taken off her clothes and maybe rub his dick a little bit. She wouldn't even do that. Kevin said he asked her to jerk him off or something but she wouldn't even touch him. He said he went into the bathroom and when he came out she just wanted to drink some beer. He's been sober for a while and she was trying to get him to drink. He did end up drinking a beer even though he had been sober for so long. He was all stressed out over the whole thing.
Howard said that this chick was a phony and she used them for the plugs. They were being nice to her because she was offering herself up as the prize in that contest. Howard said she wouldn't even get naked in front of the guy. She wouldn't even let him lay on the bed in the room they were in according to Kevin. Howard said that she was no beauty queen either. He said the fans were writing in and saying that they weren't surprised that Kevin couldn't get it up for her because she wasn't so good looking. Howard said she did have a good body though.
Howard read some mail about the chick and a lot of people were saying she was ugly. He said he doesn't think that she's ugly, she did have a great body. He played some of her porn movie clips where she gets really dirty and he figured she was the right one for the job. Now he's encouraging the fans not to buy her movies.
Artie told the guy to come to the show at the Borgata and he'll help get him laid. Kevin told Howard that she wanted him to lie and tell them that they had done it. He said he couldn't lie to Howard so he didn't lie for her like she wanted. Howard said she was supposed to call in but she wasn't around.
Kevin told the guys about the crazy stuff he used to do when he was younger. He said he used to smoke PCP and stuff like that. Howard said he knows that stuff can be dangerous and you do all kinds of crazy shit when you use that stuff. Artie said that the stuff is crazy, he knew people who smoked that stuff all the time. He never did it himself though.
Artie told Kevin to come down to the Borgata and he'll do what he can to get him laid. He said if they have to pay for it by the end of the night, the money will come out of his pocket. Howard said that they should have this dude at his bachelor party if they ever do have one. Artie said that if they have to get a whore down there, he'll do that. Kevin said he's got a couple of felonies and he won't be doing anything illegal down there.
Kevin was saying that the people on SternFanNetwork.com were being very nice to him yesterday. He was surprised by that. Howard said they might have to use Kevin for some other things on the show. Howard let him go a short time later.
Artie said that he wears a size 42 but he doesn't pull them up all the way. They're under his gut. Joey said he's about the same size at this point. Howard said Artie revealed that when he cums the goo collects under the folds of skin. Joey said that he can't cum because he's gotten so fat. He said he went to the doctor and found out that he's low on testosterone. Howard told him it's because he's fat and on drugs. That's what he has to fix before he starts injecting himself with testosterone. Joey said that he has no energy and he can't lose weight.
Howard told Joey that if he just tried to get into shape, he'd start feeling better. Joey said that this is a quicker fix to everything. Gary asked Joey if he told the doctor what was going on in his life. Gary said a lot of people are worried about him because of what he's been doing. Joey said he was on the coke but he's off that now. He didn't want to talk about how he was getting money to pay for it. He said he had to do what he had to do to get it. He wouldn't say what that was though. He didn't want to incriminate himself. That stuff makes you do stuff you wouldn't normally do.
Howard told Joey to get a job. Joey said he has a job and he'll be driving limos and town cars for a car service. He's also doing some video stuff for the guys down in Tampa this weekend. He said he will never get trashed in public and screw that up, he only gets trashed at home.
Jason said that Joey has a distended belly button and he saw a picture of that. Howard said that's why Joey can't get it up and that's why he's all depressed. Howard said that when you can't cum, that should make him realize what a mess he is and it should turn him around and make him want to lose some weight. Howard told Joey he knows he's over 300 pounds and he hopes he'll straighten up. He let him go a short time later. He had to go to break after that.
Gary said he wasn't smelling his fingers, he may have been rubbing his face but he wasn't smelling them. Howard said that's what it looked like to him so that's what he imagined him doing. Howard said he has to eat really quick on the show and Gary will come in and hock up his phlegm and stuff while he's trying to do it. He said he just did it the other day.
Gary came into the studio so Howard told him that there's just something about him that really bothers him. Wolfie asked Gary about the appearances he's been making lately and wondered if he would appear at a party he was planning for this summer. Gary told him it would cost him $10,000. He said he really doesn't want to do those appearances anymore. He said he did a thing for Steven Singer Jewelers because he's been with the show for a long time. He doesn't really want to go to a guy's house and hang out so he'd charge him the ten grand. Wolfie wanted to have him dressed up in a monkey outfit and handing out gifts and stuff.
Wolfie said that he would also like to have him in a dunk booth. Gary said he might do that. He's not sure he'd want to let them throw pies at his face like Wolfie was suggesting. Wolfie didn't seem to have a problem with the money part of the deal and said he'd like to call Gary and arrange something like that.
Wolfie asked Howard about Chris Rock's failed movie and what he thinks about that. Howard said he loves Chris and didn't want to bad mouth him. He and the guys talked about how maybe he should stay away from movies. Howard said if Chris came to him in a serious way and asked him what to do in the movies, he would tell him exactly what he thinks he should do. Howard said that right now there are about 10 shows on TV where they've lifted ideas right from his show and turned them into shows. He mentioned Street Smarts which was the homeless game, they have a 5th grader vs. an adult TV show and a bunch of stuff like that which they've been doing on his show for years. He said he knows what would be best for Chris Rock and he could probably guide him in the right direction.
Howard and the guys talked about the stuff that Chris has done and how he should stick to the stuff he does best. Chris is good at being outrageous and that's what he should stick to. He thinks that Chris shouldn't be trying to play the leading man in a movie like his latest one. Artie said he's heard Chris say that he doesn't want to get stuck in some routine in his career. Howard said he doesn't like being stuck in a routine either but he's good at what he does so he sticks to it. Howard said that Chris is probably the best stand-up comedian out there and there's no better than his album ''Bring The Pain.''
Howard said that this guy who played Napoleon Dynamite is an asshole. He said he wants to shake the motherfucker when he sees him trying to act. He said that guy should play Napoleon Dynamite in every single movie he makes. He said he'd be one of the biggest performers of all time if he did that. He said even if he was in a Holocaust movie he should play the part as that character. He said there's no shame in that.
Howard said if he were that guy, he would never come out of that character. He said Jim Carrey is like that too, he shouldn't be trying to be a dramatic actor. He should be grabbing his ass and talking with it. The guys talked about some of the other projects that Chris has been in lately and how they just aren't working for him.
Howard said he's the smartest man in show business and these people should realize it by now. He said Chris should be coming to him to get some advice but Artie said Chris has already made it, he doesn't need that advice. Howard said that movies are a different business than stand-up though. He had to move on after that.
Howard didn't seem to care about the story. Will said Steve shouldn't be researching the story because it's a gossip story, not a news story. Howard cut them all off and said he really doesn't care about any of that. Lisa got back to her rundown and said they have a story about Artie and his love of the vending machine. He's been leaving change behind in the machine so other people are collecting it and buying stuff with the change. Artie said he thought everything was a buck so he didn't even know there was change. Lisa thought that was funny and asked him why he doesn't hear the change dropping. Artie didn't know.
Lisa said that Tabitha Stevens has gotten married for the fourth time. Howard said he heard that and she told him that she tossed the guy's salad on the wedding night. Robin said she heard about it as well and heard that he's a porn director or something. Howard let Lisa go a short time later.
Artie said that he'd like to know who it was that was taking his money from the vending machine. Gary said he did it once but he wasn't following him around. Then Gary heard that there was an engineering guy who was following Artie around waiting for that change.
Howard said Will was out in the hall yelling at Steve Langford. Will came back in the studio and said that Steve won't listen to him and it's really obnoxious because once his mind is made up, he won't listen. He said that Steve shouldn't be making those decisions on the gossip stories. Robin said that is kind of true because Steve is reporting facts while Will and Jason are doing gossip.
Dave said that this week is going to be tough because it's going to be the top 10 after this week. He said he'd like to see him win but it's really going to be tough. Robin asked if they think that they ever cook the books over there at American Idol and they might just boot him off. Howard said he actually got a note from someone who told him that the call results are used as a base line for the show outcome and it's not really the viewers who are picking the people who move on. Howard said that really shocks him because he thought that they were using the votes they get from those calls.
Howard asked Dave if he thinks that the producers could do that to him this year and boot Sanjaya off. Dave said he's been getting hundreds of e-mails from people who are backing them and they really are pushing to keep this guy on the show. Howard said he knows of a person who said that they can monitor phone traffic and they said that Sanjaya was getting a ton of traffic, probably in the top 3 of the most votes, but he was shown in the bottom 3. Howard said he's going to demand that someone address the vote fixing if that's actually what's going on.
Howard went on to ask Dave about how he got the site started and found out that he was 21 years old and in college at the time. Dave said they tried it with other shows but it wasn't as much fun as it was with American Idol. Howard had Eric the Midget on the phone to talk to Dave. Eric asked Dave why he's so set on ruining Idol. Dave said they're not trying to ruin it, they're just having fun with the show and making it more entertaining for them. Howard said it was making it fun for him as well. Howard asked Eric if he had anything else to say. Eric said it looked like Sanjaya even wanted to be voted off the show last week. Dave thinks that they're just helping Sanjaya to realize his dream.
Howard asked Dave if he's got a girlfriend. Dave said he's actually gay. Eric said that must be why he likes Sanjaya. Dave said that has nothing to do with it. Howard asked Dave if he makes good money with the web site. Dave told Howard that the web site actually costs a lot to run and all of the money he makes goes back into it.
Howard asked Dave more about his boyfriend and found out that they're not having sex. Howard asked if they're at least blowing each other. Dave said they are doing that but not anal. He said he would give that up if he married this guy. They just started dating according to Dave. They've only been going out for 3 months now. Howard said he's shocked that he's not doing that. Dave said he has done anal with other guys though. Howard wondered if he wasn't sure if he was the right one or something. Dave wasn't sure. Howard said the best part of being gay is that you just do it because you both know you want it.
Artie said that maybe this guy isn't gay and maybe he should try having sex with a chick. Dave hadn't tried that yet so Artie told him to just give it a try and see what it's like. Dave said he's never even come close to having sex with a girl. Howard wondered if Dave is the one who is more like the girl in the relationship. He said he is kind of that way. Artie wasn't surprised that the leader of this vote for Sanjaya thing was gay.
Howard said he's with this Dave guy and he will be voting for the worst tonight. He asked Eric to join the fun but Eric said he's not going to do it. He's going to be voting for Lakisha. Dave said that they need his votes for Sanjaya and he's friends with Lakisha so he really needs to help out Sanjaya. Eric wasn't falling for that. Howard wrapped up with the two of them a short time later and let them go. Fred was playing Eric the Midget's new theme music as he got off the phone. Howard said a lot of people really like that new music.
Howard mentioned that they have Gene Simmons and his wife Shannon Tweed coming in later this week. He wondered if they should have Craig Gass in to do his impression of Gene the whole time. Artie did a little bit of his own Gene Simmons impression but it sounded a lot like his Rush Limbaugh impression. Howard told him he should do that Rush thing more on the show.
Howard also mentioned that Sal's wife is going to be in to shoot paintballs at Sal's ass this week. He said those things are really hard and should be pretty painful for Sal.
Howard read a story about a woman who came out of a coma after being in it for quite some time. Then she fell right back into the coma after seeing her family for a short time. He spent a minute on that and then went to commercial break.
Howard said that cable TV was like that and he was watching a lot of cable TV yesterday. He talked about some of the music channels there at SIRIUS and how he was listening to the Super Shuffle channel there and thought it was very good.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Howard about an Extra TV show segment that Beth did recently. Howard said Beth has some weird feelings about doing some of those interviews. The caller asked Howard if he's going to go in raw when he and Beth finally get married. Howard said he doesn't plan on doing that but the caller said that the pussy juice just makes it so good. Howard said he's going to continue to wear rubbers because he doesn't want another kid.
Howard played some other songs and there was one that sounded a lot like Stairway to Heaven. They played Prince's song ''1999'' and Phil Collins' ''Susudio'' which was similar. Gary told Howard the tracks to play off the CD they had put together. One of the comparisons was Boston's ''More than a Feeling'' and Nirvana's ''Smells like Teen Spirit.'' The guys didn't think they were even close.
Howard went through a couple of other examples that Gary and Jon Hein had pulled for the CD. Some of them were close, some not so much. Vinnie Favale called in and told Howard about another song that there was just a lawsuit over. He told Fred which songs to pull and said he'd love to hear this stuff all day long. Fred said that belongs on the Who Gives a Shit Channel. Fred found the songs Vinnie told him about and compared them. Howard went through one more before moving on to Ant. They compared a Beatles song and a Rod Stewart song that were very similar.
Sal came in and told Howard to compare some songs. He had pulled a KISS song and a Buck Cherry song that weren't really all that similar.
Howard asked Ant about this boob reduction he had. Ant told Howard about how he was a C-cup when he was thin and he just couldn't get rid of the boobs. He said he had the reduction done and they came out nicely. Howard said there was no scarring that he could see. Ant said he no longer has tits thanks to that.
Howard said Ant has also straightened his hair or something. He also said he had to have something done to his face as well. Ant said he did have a brow lift. Howard said he looks like an Indian now. Howard told him he does look good for his age. Ant is 45 and Howard figured he was in his 30s.
Ant asked Howard what's going on with this engagement thing because he once said that he wasn't going to get married until the gays could get married. Howard said he's not married yet. He could still wait until that happens. Howard said he really does believe that gays should be allowed to get married. He also said he might want to hold off until then. He asked not to be held to that standard. Ant said it makes him feel bad and he's upset about the engagement. Howard said he doesn't think in this country they'll ever let gays get married. He said the people in this country are very backwards thinking.
Howard took a call from a guy who told Ant to come out and take that wig off his head. Howard asked him to pull his hair back. Ant tugged on it and it didn't move. Howard said he thinks it might be his real hair. Robin said Ant looked at her and he looked like he had seen a ghost. Ant told Howard more about the stuff he had done to his face and said he had a little eye lift and a little nose shaving and a chin thing. He's been dieting on Nutrisystem lately and they said that they'd hook Artie up with the program. Howard said that Tim Sabean was on the Zone Diet but it wasn't enough food for him so he was doubling up the amount he was eating. That's what would happen to Artie if he was on Nutrisystem.
Howard asked ant about this Celebrity Fit Club 5 he's doing. Ant said that they have Dustin Diamond on the show and he was saying that he's going to have his penis molded. He also told Howard about the show and how much everyone hated him on the show. He said that Dustin was dropping Howard's name like they were best friends or something. Howard said the guy has only been on the show two times. He knows nothing about that guy's latest venture in this penis molding thing.
Ant said that Maureen McCormick is on the latest season as well. He said that Tiffany was on as well and she did very well. The guys talked about them and also about Erica Elaniak when Robin brought her up. She had gotten pretty big according to Ant. She gained like 175 pounds. Kelly Lebrock was also on the show and she no longer cares about her looks but her kids wanted her to be healthy so she did the show.
Howard read that Ant had met with Paris Hilton's parents so he wondered what was going on there. Ant said he can't talk about what the meeting was about. He had to sign an agreement to meet with them so he can't talk about what that was. He can talk about them though. He refused to say what it involved other than saying that it was a good idea that they had for him.
Howard asked Ant about his sex life and found out he just got blown the other day. He was telling Howard about the guy and mentioned his first name. Howard actually dumped out of that and said the guy might not want his name out there. Ant said that name is very popular from where he's from so no one will know who it was.
Ant was talking about George Takei's boyfriend brad and how he dotes over George so much. He said it's very odd to see Brad waiting on George when you expect to see the Asian serving the white guy. He was joking around about that a little bit.
Howard had Artie and Benjy show off their man-tits since they were on that subject earlier. Howard told Ant about Artie gaining weight in this Battle of the Blobs contest they have going on. Ant knew about that. Howard had Benjy show his man-tits and Ant noticed that he had tits on the side as well. Benjy didn't see what they were talking about but the rest of the guys noticed it.
Howard took some phone calls and one guy went off on Ant. Ant knew that it was this guy Rich who had been rejected from the show one time. The guy said he wasn't Rich Vos if that's who he was thinking of. The caller called Ant a fag and a couple of other things before he got off the phone.
Sour Shoes called in and did an impression of Ant for a few seconds. He mentioned Scott DePace's name so Scott came in and talked to Ant about the whole gay thing since he's so against it. Scott insists that he would never exclude his son from anything if he came out as gay. Scott asked Howard if he would love his son as much if he turned out gay. Howard said he has nothing against that and wouldn't have a problem with it. He thinks that Scott is the problem, not the gay thing.
Scott said that he's entitled to his opinion. Ant said he's welcome's his opinion. That led to the guys talking about sucking dicks and wether or not they'd be able to do it. Howard said he doesn't think he could ever do it. Gary said he had a gay brother and the gay thing doesn't bother him. He asked Scott if he would let his son spend the night with a gay lover if he did turn out to be gay. Scott said he wouldn't let them sleep in the same room if they weren't married. Howard asked Scott what he would do if his son brought Ant home. Scott said it would really suck if he had a gay boyfriend who was ''that gay.'' Howard let Scott go a short time later.
Howard took a call from this guy R.J. who was saying that he knows Dice Clay and went into a story about meeting him out in Vegas. He said he ended up buying Dice a Cadillac Escalade while he was out there and he got set up by Dice months later. He said he got some calls from Dice's people who told him that dice had lost $120,000 and needed some help. R.J. Said he lost $2 million trying to help Dice out and now Dice won't even call him back. Howard asked the guy about the gambling he did and if he was doing it with his own money or with Dice's money. R.J. Said that it was his money and he was looking to get to open up for Dice. R.J. Said he knows he made a mistake. Howard had to move on after that because the guy was giving him a headache.
Ant said he knows who that guy is and he was told by Peter Engle that he was a great gambler but now that he's heard that he lost $2 million of his own money, he's not so sure he'd want to put up his own money to try and win. Artie said it's still gambling. He also said that he spoke to the guy for 2 hours one time but he's not sure if his stories are true or not. He said it would have been nice if they had Dice on the phone at the same time. Howard wrapped up the interview a short time later and gave Ant some plugs for his show. They went to break right after that.
Howard got in a plug for the Battle of the Blobs sponsor Cylaris. Howard said he hopes that they don't come out with some killer disease that's got a similar name like AIDS and Ayds weight loss.
Howard said he was thinking about the old Flintstones cartoons and how big they were back in the day. They had a lot of famous celebrities doing appearances on the show back when it was a big hit. Howard said he thought that Wilma was kind of hot. He said that the show was basically just the Honeymooners in a cartoon form.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he had seen pictures of Jenna Jameson lately. She's gotten very thin. Howard said he did see a picture of her and she might be a little too thin. JD came in and said that he saw her at the AVN awards and she did look very thin. He said he could see her backbone because she was so thin. He didn't think she looked so good that day either. He thinks she had some work done on her face.
Howard talked about one time that Gary came to him while he was getting a lap dance and told him that they had a party bus to ride in. They were in Vegas at the time so Gary thought it was going to be a lot of fun but then it turned out to be just Gary, Artie, Ross and Randy Gerber just riding around in the bus. Gary said it was actually Joe Rogan who was also in the bus. Howard wondered why Gary would do that to him. Gary said that on paper it seemed like a great idea. It didn't turn out that way though.
Fred played some Baba Booey song parodies as Gary was freaking out on Howard. Artie laughed and said that was his favorite Baba Booey song. It was to the tune of a Led Zeppelin song ''Babe I'm Gonna Leave You.'' Fred started laughing as the song was coming to an end. So did Howard. Howard said Sal was out in the hall dancing around like Gary with a Gary mask on his face. Gary said he told Sal that it's a good thing he has that because his bits aren't funny and he walked away all dejected.
Steve got back to his report and said that they have some audio of Riley and Tim's negotiations which let to Howard getting pissed off again because they didn't give him the tape. Tim said he gave the tape to Scott the Engineer this morning. Howard flipped out on Scott but Scott put the blame on Jason who had given him the tape. Jason then came in and said he didn't tell him to get to it when he's ready. He said he gave him the tape early today and expected that he'd have it done. Jason apologized but Scott just said he thought they didn't need it right away.
Howard asked Jason why he didn't contact Gary about this. He told Gary to get these guys in line or just start firing some of them. Gary said that Jason, who is a very hard worker, tried to make something happen and it didn't work. Howard went off on Gary and anyone else that was within firing range and yelled at them. Jason took the blame for screwing up and not following up on Scott. Howard told him the tape should have gone to Sal and Richard who would have had that tape done within 5 minutes. He said if Scott knew he should have had it quickly, he probably would have had it done.
Howard said he owed Scott an apology. He said that Gary is there to make stuff like that happen and Jason should have given it to him. Howard said it's not Scott's fault, he's not mad at him. He said Scott is not to blame, Gary is the one who should have gotten the tape. Jason said he won't skip that step again when he gets a tape.
Howard thinks that the guys are dieting too much and their brains are cooking. He asked if he was overreacting to that. He didn't know what else he was supposed to do. Robin said that it seems that Howard does have to go off on them once in a while to keep them straight. They have a system set up and sometimes they let stuff fall through the cracks like this did.
Howard told Gary to get on his game and make things happen. Fred played another Baba Booey song parody after that little bit of yelling. The guys watched as Sal was dancing around behind Gary out in the hall again. Howard told Gary to sit down with Jason and Will about how to get this straightened out. The two of them went back and forth for a few seconds before Howard got back to Steve.
Steve said that they will have some of that negotiation tape on Howard 100 News if they don't hear it on Howard's show today. Steve said Riley is asking for $20,000 per show and $10,000 for his co-host. Howard heard that and said he was ready to go home after hearing that. Steve said they have a story about High Pitch Eric who has been calling a woman incessantly complaining that she has a boyfriend.
Howard interrupted Steve and played some audio clips of Riley from last week's show where he went off on the people at SIRIUS for not paying him what he wants to keep him around. Riley said he will leave if they don't come up with the money. Howard said he's pretty sure that Riley will melt down on the show tonight. He said if he doesn't, people should call in and try to get him riled up.
Howard went off on Gary again when he came in with the Riley clips. Howard said he didn't want to go to 2 o'clock today with the show. He said he should have had them at 6 this morning, not at 10:10. Gary was yelling at Howard so Howard told him not to yell at him. He wondered if he was asking for too much. Robin said this is a simple request and he wasn't asking for anything outrageous. Everything should be going through Gary according to Robin. Gary told Howard that he was wasting more time going off on him when he could be playing the tape. Howard told him not to tell him what he's doing wrong.
Steve told Howard that they'll have a report about Robin's race car driving practice. Howard was still pissed and couldn't even pay attention to what was going on. He had Jon Hein give his show rundown after that. Jon went over the subjects they'd be covering on today's Wrap Up Show.
Howard said that if he starts playing that Riley Martin tape now, Jon Hein might get his show on by 3 this afternoon. Robin asked if they could do it during the news since she was starting that. Howard said they might be able to do that. Robin started off her news talking about the Riley story so Howard could start playing the tapes.
Howard didn't want to hear from Gary about where the clips were so Gary told Robin where it was. Howard played the audio where Tim Sabean and Riley started to negotiate to keep Riley around. Riley was at about $5 million and Tim was at $300 a week. They had to figure out something in between. Riley said that he will deliver if they keep him on there.
Tim was trying to deal with Riley in the clip but Riley was cursing him out. Tim told Riley that giving him a raise to $400 per show would mean he's getting over $6 per minute which is pretty good pay. Riley said he can't live in New Jersey on that kind of money. He told Tim that he could probably protect Tim from demons with his symbols but he can not protect him from himself.
Howard said that $400 for an hour is a lot of money. No one else is offering him that kind of money. He got back to the recording where Riley and Tim went back and forth on the money issue. Riley then demanded $20,000 per show for himself and $10,000 for his co-host. Tim said he couldn't do that, it was out of his league. Riley said that he's not just a man, he's a phenomenon and explained to Tim why they should pay him that kind of money. He said if they can't pay him, they can get that woman who fucks horses to take over for him. Riley told Tim that maybe they will meet again somewhere in the future.
Tim told Riley that if he has a change of heart he could call him back. Riley said he wasn't having a change of heart, but if they have a change of heart, they can call him. Howard said he would pay a woman who fucks a horse $20,000 per show if they could find someone like that. He wondered what the odds were that Riley would be back. Artie said he thinks he'll be back. Fred said the same thing and thinks that he'll take a hiatus of 3 weeks. Howard and Robin also think there's a good chance that he'll be back.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks that the old Howard is back after hearing him yelling at Gary. Howard said he feels bad though and now his day is ruined. He said he gets really frustrated sometimes and he's relying on a lot of people to let him know when stuff is coming in.
Another caller told Howard she thought it was great that he wasn't yelling at people and thought that he was going to be like that even after his engagement. They he gets engaged and starts yelling again. Another guy said that this was old school Howard and the honeymoon is over for the toothy bastard (Gary). Howard said he had to take a break after that because the tape had come in so late.
Howard had Robin get back into her news after the commercial break. Howard also took some phone calls and read through some e-mail during the news. Artie got some feedback about his Jimmy Kimmel appearance last Friday night. Artie was in the middle of eating French toast while Howard read that to him. Someone had suggested that he wear something nicer when he does shows like that. Artie, with his mouth full of food, said that he's going to have to lose some weight first.
Robin wrapped up her news and Howard started to end the show around 11:05am. Then he apologized to Gary, Will and Jason for going off on them earlier. He said he was sorry for making it so personal and asked people not to e-mail him about that telling him what an asshole he is. Fred told him it was too late and read off some of the feedback they were getting already. Howard called Gary, Will and Jason into the studio and apologized to them. He told Jason he didn't want him going on anymore anti-depressants. Jason apologized to Howard for messing up. Howard said he was going to edit that rant out of the show for the replays. Gary told him not to do that and assured Howard that the incident doesn't show how the office usually runs. He assured him of that.
Howard said they'll have that meltdown on Howard TV tomorrow night. He was hoping that he had worn his sunglasses during that segment. He did a couple more plugs and commercials and ended things around 11:10am.
Howard started off the show saying that he was up late last night voting for Sanjaya. He was up past 10 just to wait for the start of the voting. Robin said it doesn't work for her because it is so late. Howard said he thinks that Sanjaya is going to be gone this week and he thinks that's the case because he was able to get through so easily. He got through about 10 times and got in his vote. He was giggling in bed as he was voting because it was so fun.
Howard said he did have some feelings of guilt because some of those people are such good singers and they're trying to get a career going. He did vote and did his duty. He thinks that people didn't follow through and didn't vote like he did. He had a caller on the line who said he voted about 75 times.
Howard said the best guy on that show is the beat box kid. He also said the hottest chick is Sanjaya's sister. He said he saw her sitting in the audience and she's very hot and she's apparently a Hooters waitress. Mike Gange came in and said that she's got a little bit of a forehead though. Howard pointed out that Gange has quite a forehead on him too. Gange also said he feels that those votes aren't being counted for Sanjaya. His calls would get picked up on the first ring. He got the feeling that the votes weren't going through at all. Robin said someone should investigate their voting.
Eric the Midget was on the phone and said that he voted for Lakisha. Howard didn't think that she was all that good last night. He said she looks all fat and kind of like Aretha Franklin. He said she doesn't have a good look and no one wants to see that. Gary asked Eric if he sent an e-mail to Ryan Seacrest warning him about the conspiracy. Eric said he did. Howard asked him if he had a copy of the e-mail. Eric said he didn't have a copy but Howard told him to log on to AOL and let him know what it said. Eric refused to log on to AOL to get it.
Eric said he told Ryan that Howard and that web site are trying to ruin the show. Howard said he snitched on him and tried to foil his plan. Eric admitted that's what he did. Artie said that might get Howard kicked out of show business. Gary also said that he heard that Eric was also afraid of losing his 'Eric the Idol Expert' title because he hasn't been making his picks very well lately.
Howard asked Eric how many times he voted. Eric said he voted as many as he could. He got through a bunch of times and said it was a 50/50 chance of getting through each time he called. Howard asked Fred if he voted like the rest of the guys. Fred did make a couple. Robin and Artie didn't get in on that.
Howard asked Eric if he wet the bed last night. Eric said he hasn't even gotten to sleep yet. He's been up all night. Howard played a bit that Sal made about the wetting the bed thing and then went off on Eric for being an ingrate to the show. He said he's the only one who puts him on the air and the guy goes and snitches on him. He said they're his real friends and he screws them over.
Eric said that he was looking at it as if they were trying to ruin Idol and he was trying to save Ryan's job. Howard said Eric is just a snitch. Eric said that Ryan doesn't refer to him as a midget like Howard does. He said Ryan talked to him on his TV show and on his radio show and doesn't call him a Midget. Robin also said that they gave Eric SIRIUS. Gary said he was getting mad after he heard that.
Gary said Eric has been giving them a hard time about this Wrestling thing they want to do with him where he'd have to vote for Sanjaya if he loses a contest. He said Eric was asking them what was in it for him and he wanted a list of demands. Gary asked Eric what he wants if he wins. Eric said he doesn't think he wants to go with this right now. He didn't want to talk about it on the air because he felt like they were setting him up or something.
Howard took a couple of phone calls and some people were saying that Eric should be kept off the show because of this stuff. One guy said that without them Eric would be sitting in a pool of piss. People are pissed that he's screwing over the show the way he is. Some people were saying that they were calling in and voting a lot last night for Sanjaya. One guy said he got through about 200 times. Eric said Sanjaya is going home, he's not going to win. Howard took another call from a guy who said he wasn't able to get through at all. He tried for an hour and didn't get one vote. He was out on the west coast and wasn't able to get in any votes and figured they may have been blocking calls out on the West coast.
Howard said Sanjaya was really awful last night during the 60s theme show. He asked Gary for some clips so he could play some examples. Robin said they're going to make a star out of that kid even if he doesn't stay on. She said they have to have Howard create his own record label to put him on if they have to. Howard played Sanjaya's performance from last night and he said it really wasn't all that terrible. He listened to a few seconds of it and Gary said that it was good enough to keep him another week. Howard was also saying that there was one hot chick on there who was in hot pants. Gary said he and the guys were also talking about her. Howard asked Eric why he didn't vote for her. Eric didn't answer.
Howard took another call from a guy who brought up some of the other people on the show. They talked about one of the girls on the show who looks kind of like Shrek according to some people. Howard said that chick has a phony humble thing going on that pisses him off. The caller also talked about how hot Sanjaya's sister is. Howard said they might have to link to her picture on the internet so they can check it out.
Howard said he was all stressed out yesterday and it sent him over the edge. Fred played that clip of Gary singing ''Fly Like an Eagle'' and tried to cheer Howard up with that. It was a Karaoke thing that they had done one time and Gary sounded awful singing the song. Robin called Gary ''Baba-Jaya'' when she heard that performance. Gary asked to hear some of Robin and Howard's karaoke performances. Fred played Howard singing ''Blackbird'' but Howard thought he was good in that.
Fred also played Robin's performance of ''If It Makes You Happy.'' Robin said they play her stuff all the time. Fred played some cat screeching sounds during that performance. Howard said he didn't think she was all that bad but Eric the Midget said even Sanjaya could beat her. Howard wanted to have Eric sing for them but he wanted to make a deal where they'd vote Sanjaya out next week. He said he'd sing if they agreed to that. Artie said the deal was that Eric would sing and they'd tell him how bad he sucks.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he voted for Sanjaya a bunch of times yesterday. Howard said he really thinks that this guy has to stick around another week with the number of votes he's getting. The caller also brought up Riley Martin who had his last show last night. Howard said he'd be playing clips of that later today.
Another caller said that he felt bad voting for Sanjaya last night because he feels he's screwing over the people who have talent. Then he figured ''fuck 'em'' and started voting. Howard said he felt the same way and had some fun with the voting. Howard said it's like they're making the dork the homecoming king. The caller was also asking about the weird bald guy on American Idol. Howard said he looks like that Powder guy from that movie.
Howard said he was watching the Paris Hilton videos again and said she was doing this thing where she puts the guy's dick between her tits when she's blowing them. He said it's so sexy and she looks like a good girl when she does that stuff. It looks like she's really into the guy's shween. Artie said the more he hates her, the more he wants to fuck her for some reason.
Howard asked Eric if he would want a blow job from Paris Hilton. Eric paused for a second and said ''yeah.'' Howard said if Eric had said no he would have hung up on him.
The caller was telling Howard that he thinks Beth is going to want kids and he's going to get stuck with that. Howard said she really doesn't want that at this point. Robin never wanted kids either. Fred said that his wife was that way until she turned 35, then she wanted a kid. Now they have a daughter. Howard said he really doesn't want to go backwards in his life and having kids would be going backwards. He said Beth agrees with him about not having kids right now. She may change but right now she doesn't want any kids.
Robin said that Fred changed in his personal life to make things work with his marriage. Fred said that was the way he did things, Howard doesn't have to do that for his personal life. Robin said she heard a story that Bubba was telling on the air about how he was dating two women at the same time for years. She gave Howard the details about what she knew. Robin said that one of the girls cheated on Bubba and one of his listeners told on her after seeing her picking up some other dude. Howard said the story had some holes in it from what Robin was saying. Bubba ended up staying with that woman and admitted that he was a pussy for sticking with her.
The caller asked Howard when they're going to fire Bubba. The guy thinks that he doesn't really fit in with Howard's show. Howard said he knows not everyone is going to like Bubba, but he's got his own fans and he's very grateful that he's back on the radio after getting screwed over by Clear Channel. Robin said she heard Bubba being asked who he would give a kidney to. He mentioned the guys on his show and said that he'd also give it to anyone on the Stern show because they're like immediate family to him. The caller thinks that the only reason Bubba is like that is because they're employing him. Artie said getting a kidney from Bubba would be like getting a spine from Christopher Reeve. Eric said that Bubba said Artie is the only guy he wouldn't give his kidney to.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wanted to have sex on the air but his girlfriend was running away from him. He wanted to put her on the phone but she ran away. Howard didn't have time to screw with that stuff so he hung up on him.
Howard kept Eric on the phone and let a caller tell him that he has all of his students at the high school he works at voting for Sanjaya. Howard asked Eric what he thought of that but Fred and the guys were doing their impressions of Eric and his ''Ehh'' sounds. Howard told the guy to watch out, Eric might report him to Ryan Seacrest.
Howard told Eric he must be nervous now that he's heard about all of these people voting for Sanjaya. Eric said he'll be calling in tomorrow with tape of a message from a former Idol contestant. He said he's going to ask that person about the whole Sanjaya thing. Howard and the guys laughed when they heard Eric's plan to interview that person. Howard said ''Bye for now...'' to Eric and let him go a short time later.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that blow up was really an old school Howard Stern thing. He said the only thing that wasn't old school was his apology at the end of the show. Robin said that's the therapy talking. Howard got back to the mail and read more comments about his blow up. He also had some e-mail about Riley Martin. Some people think that they should save Riley and keep him around.
Howard played some audio clips from Riley's final show from last night. In one clip Riley was complaining about how they were driving by him in million dollar limos and splashing mud on him while he was trying to buy a hot dog. Howard interrupted and said this caller was really playing Riley like a violin. He tried getting him going with every little thing he brought up.
Howard said that Riley was getting good money to do an hour long show. Now he's not going to get paid anything. He didn't even have to travel into the city to do the show, he was doing it from his home. Gary said Riley was going to take his show to a web site that he was plugging on the show last night. Howard played some more clips where Riley was complaining about the kind of money he was making. One phone caller told Riley that maybe he should take $1,000 and split it with the rest of the guys on the show. Riley said he wasn't trying to make himself stay there.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he got in 721 votes for Sanjaya last night. He said he felt like he was in a pinball machine and quarters were falling out all over the place. The guy said he felt weird voting for that guy. He said he was dialing over and over again and getting through quite a bit. Howard let that guy go and took another call.
The next guy said he was watching Howard TV and said Howard looked good in the Bubba Wedding Special on there. Howard said in the right light he can look decent. Another guy said he would like to take over for Riley Martin. He was also asking to hear Howard's rant again. Howard wasn't sure he wanted to play it since they probably played it all day yesterday.
Howard had some more clips from Riley's show to play. In one clip a caller told Riley that maybe he should do more shows and ask for that kind of money. Riley said he would take $400 per show if they gave him a daily show. He said they only give him an hour a week though. Gary came in and interrupted Howard because they had Tommy Shaw there to perform for them. He wanted to get the show rolling. Howard went to break after that.
Howard talked about Tommy Shaw being in Styx and about working with Ted Nugent. They talked about how Ted ran off and went hunting and left them behind. Howard heard that Tommy had gotten Robin into the Kennedy Space Center while she was down in Florida. He said he knew that Robin would like the place so he knows a guy there and helped her get a tour. Howard said he really wouldn't care about that stuff.
Howard said that Tommy and the guys recorded an album, ''Influence,'' where they covered a bunch of songs. They told Howard about how they just wanted to cover a bunch of stuff like they'd perform while hanging out. They broke into some Simon and Garfunkle ''The Sound of Silence'' for a few seconds. Howard said that was amazing and it gave him the chills.
Howard talked to the guys about their personal lives a little bit and then asked them about the next song they were going to perform. They broke into a couple more songs and sang a little bit of each one including ''Summer Breeze.'' Howard gave them a plug for their album and said you can find out more about them at MySpace.com/ShawBladesInfluence
Artie asked the guys to perform a little bit of ''Amy'' for him so they broke into that for a few seconds. Howard said he hated that song. He asked them to perform this Yes song that he had played on the show the other day. They broke right into it and played ''Your Move'' for him. Howard said he knew it was a difficult song to perform but they did an amazing job with it.
Howard was telling the guys that he looks at them and sees what a joke American Idol is because they're so professional and don't need a show like that and never would. Howard mentioned the song ''Dirty Work'' so the guys broke into a few seconds of that song. Howard joked that he would vote for them if they were on American Idol. He gave them another plug for their album ''Influence'' and for the appearance they're making at BB Kings tonight in the city. They're going to have it set up like a living room in the club and they even let people sit on the couch with them. Howard was throwing out songs that aren't even on their album and they would break into them without hesitation.
Gary asked if they do any Styx songs in the show. They broke right into the Styx song ''Fooling Yourself.'' Howard sounded very impressed when he heard that. He took a phone call from a guy who asked if they were playing in the Boston area anytime soon. They said they're going to be there on Thursday night. Another caller said they actually won him over after playing. Howard wrapped up with them a short time later and went to break.
Lisa brought up a few of the stories they were going to be talking about today. They have a new Page 69 report about Richard Christy buying underwear on eBay and not knowing if they're used or not. That got Howard talking about how he even washes brand new underwear. They talked about how disgusting Richard is sometimes and Lisa mentioned he hadn't washed his Karate clothes so he used some Axe Body Spray to block the stink and it stunk up the whole floor. Howard asked Gary to talk to Richard about that and to tell him not to spray chemicals there.
Richard came in and said that he had just hung up the clothes at work and Sal freaked out that they were stinky so he tried to take care of it. Howard said he can't do that stuff there. He told him to brush his teeth and take a bath and not spray that stuff. He said he heard that Richard had some nasty shits there this morning. Gary told him he had audio clips of that to play if he wanted to. Howard found the clips and played Richard having some diarrhea. That led to Howard playing a prank call that Richard made to a car shop and used those poop clips in that. He used the clips as if they were his engine trying to start and the guy tried to diagnose it over the phone.
Howard said that at least Richard made a bit out of the whole thing. Richard said he went and had his teeth cleaned at the dentist and it felt great. Howard told him he needs to do that every day. Richard said he's been brushing twice a day now so he is keeping up on it. Howard played a little bit of Richard crapping and wondered what he's eating. Richard seems to think that it's the vitamins he's taking that make him do that. Fred said he must be taking vitamins made of shit because he takes them and he doesn't make shits like that.
Howard had a clip from Richard's ''Inside the Porn Actors Studio'' where Richard was coughing out of control. Richard started coughing for no apparent reason and couldn't stop. He had something go down his throat the wrong way and started choking.
Howard wrapped up with Richard and Lisa and let them go. Then he remembered that Richard had a new prank call to play but he was going to play it later.
Howard said there's actually video of that scene on the internet. Fred said that he saw it and they were trying to redress the set to keep it the same as he was throwing stuff around. He was actually trashing the set as he was yelling at her.
Lily yells at the director, David O. Russell, and goes off on him as he's yelling at her. This was all during the shooting of the movie ''I Heart Huckabees.'' Dustin Hoffman was in the clip as well telling them just to shoot the scene
Howard read that her husband would laugh at her when she orgasmed. She wasn't sure why that was and decided it wasn't funny to her. Howard said that if you want good sex you should date a woman who has young kids and is divorced. Suzanne was going out and banging a lot of guys on the weekends she didn't have the kids.
Howard read that Suzanne was going to swingers clubs when she started going out. She said she knew this guy who brought her there. She said she would take off all of her clothes and she'd bang a bunch of guys there. She said that guys would come to her and ask if they could stick their dicks in her and she'd have to pick and choose which guys she wanted. Howard said that there might be something kind of psychologically wrong with her if she does that kind of thing. She said there are a lot of women out there doing the same thing over in London.
Howard read that Suzanne will go to glory holes and blow guys she can't even see. She said she goes to this place in North London called Our Place for Fun and does it there. She said that the girls don't have to pay anything there, of course. She said she doesn't get nude or anything when she does it. Robin thought that it was a gay thing to do the glory hole. She said it usually is. Suzanne said that she is lit up so the guy can see her but she can't see them. She will do about six penises when she does this stuff. She will use her hand and mouth on the guy when she's doing that.
Howard asked her if she orgasms at all herself. She said she gets off on it but doesn't orgasm. She said she does catch some fluids when she does that but she doesn't worry about getting AIDS. Howard told her she could get the herpes or something. She said she's been doing it 5 years now and hasn't caught anything.
Suzanne said that she has done some crazy things in her life and has had double penetration in her vagina before. She also said that she doesn't screw everyone she meets. She went on and told Howard how the double penetration thing worked for her. She said she sits on top of one guy and then the other guy comes in behind him. She said she likes black dicks and prefers them uncircumcised. Howard gave her a plug for her book ''The Butcher, The Baker, The Candlestick Maker: An Erotic Memoir'' where she talks about all of that crazy stuff. She said her mother actually came up with the title for her. She hasn't read it yet though. She said her kids haven't read it either.
Howard told Suzanne that she has to be careful with the kids knowing about that stuff. It can really bother them if they think about what she's out there doing. Gary came in and said that she actually had sex with a guy the day this guy she was with had died. She said she's actually slowed down a lot lately and isn't so nuts now.
Howard asked Suzanne if she'll put a tongue up a guy's ass. She said she does do some ''rimming'' with guys. That was the correct term and Howard said he wasn't aware of that. He took some phone calls for her after that. One guy said that this woman's cunt has to be the size of the grand canyon. She said it's actually very tight. Another caller said he meets tons of women like this online. He said there's a web site called FlingToday.com where you can meet chicks like that.
Irish John called in and asked her if she wanted to go see a concert with him. She said she's actually going to do a reading at a club tonight. Howard took some more phone calls and let some people talk to Suzanne. There was one guy who talked about the Sanjaya thing. There were other people who said they know of chicks like this woman who go out and fuck the balls off of guys. One guy said there are a lot of rules at the swinger clubs.
Howard gave Suzanne some plugs for the book and for the appearance she's making tonight in the city. He told her she seems to have gone off the deep end though. He went to break after that.
Evil Dave asked Robin to sit on his belly and pretend his penis is a stick shift in her race car. Howard told Dave he's glad he's back and didn't have a heart attack or anything. Dave said he's glad to be there and let Howard know that Anna Nicole is a really good fuck.
Howard said he was reading The Globe magazine and they were saying that George Bush and his wife might be on shaking ground and waiting in the wings is Condoleeza Rice. He finds that hard to believe. He read through some other stories in the magazine and saw that Elton John was dressed up in military fatigues during his 60th birthday party.
Howard read a story about Bernie Mac approaching Michael Richards to do a roast where all black comedians roast him. Howard said he'd love to have them hold it there. He said it must be tough for Michael Richards after doing what he did. He said if he goes to a restaurant, he has to be afraid that the black chef's there would spit in his food or something. Evil Dave asked if they have banned the N-word there in new York city, because if they haven't he has something to say about Forest Whittaker.
Howard said it would be funny if Michael Richards got roasted and then called all of the black comedians the N-word. Artie said it would be funny if he just got up at the end of the roast, laughed, and said ''You fuckin nig*ers...'' He thinks that would make him liked again by everyone.
Howard read a tabloid story about one of the guys from The Village People who thinks that there are a lot of closeted gays out there who won't come out of the closet. Duh. He also said that Simon Cowell might be one of them.
Evil Dave Letterman asked if it's legal for him to possess a nude picture of a 9 year old boy if he's the boy in the picture. He also read a poem for the guys that went something like ''Roses are red, violets are blue, if you saw Paul Shaffer's penis, you'd be turned on too.''
Howard said they have a link to the Lily Tomlin clip up on HowardStern.com. He also had a clip of Siobhan calling in and leaving a message for Richard Christy about his karate outfit. She told him that if he hangs his karate outfit outside in the wind, he won't have to wash it, hardly ever. She said that she does that every time she works out.
Howard said he got a note from Marshall Fine who saw Artie's Entourage episode and told him it was great. Artie said it's coming up on April 29th. The show will be following The Sopranos so they have a good lead in.
Howard said he was thinking about a song after they went through those songs that were similar to each other. He said that The Zombies ''She's not There'' was similar to The Doors' ''Riders on the Storm.'' Fred played both songs and Fred said there was a similar vibe there. Howard heard them and said it really wasn't what he thought it was.
Howard said that they've been telling this fat kid on American Idol that he's ''bringing the chubby back'' so he was thinking of having Artie cut a song called ''Bringing the Chubby Back.'' Gary came in and told Howard that Angie Everhart was there. Howard said he's thought about it and doesn't think that Angie would ever be into chicks. He dated her for a while and he's pretty sure she's never had a chick.
Gary had a few more of those songs that were similar to one another. He had Howard playing a few of them. The guys spent a short time on that but Howard said he had to pee before bringing in Angie.
Howard had this guy Denny Somach on the phone who is an expert on these rip-off songs. Denny used to work at WYSP in Philadelphia so Howard kind of knew who he was. Denny said that so many bands rip off others that it would shock Howard if he heard about them. Howard asked him to put together a CD and come on the show to talk more about this stuff.
Howard played one example of a song by a band called Spirit which came out before Led Zeppelin's album came out and it sounds like they ripped off the song for ''Stairway to Heaven.'' Denny said that the guy who wrote that song for Spirit just died not too long ago but his family is trying to keep the case open. Led Zeppelin has changed the credits on many of their songs because they have been sued over so many of them. Denny said he has all of the court records for that stuff so he can talk more about it on the show.
Howard told Denny to come in there and talk about this stuff. It's obvious that he has a wealth of information. Howard seemed to be trying to wrap up with him but he couldn't bring it to an end. Robin and Artie kept the conversation going but Howard kept telling Denny to come in there. Denny would tell story after story until Howard eventually cut him off.
Howard read that Carmen Electra and Joan Jett were going to be coming out as a lesbian couple but Robin said that was in The Globe so it might not be true. Martina talked about Robin's racing skills and said she seems to be getting better. Howard told her to come back in there and talk to them some more. She said she would do that.
Robin said the race that they're going to be in will be on April 14th. Evil Dave asked ''Isn't Martina a dyke?'' and also asked about ''the smell.'' Howard told Martina to ignore that asshole. He let her go a short time later.
Angie asked Robin if she's straight since she just heard that she's good friends with Martina. Robin said she is straight and they are just friends. Howard talked about the hot friends that Angie had when they were dating. Howard said they went to one chick's apartment one night and she was so hot that he was wondering how he could get the two of them in bed together.
Howard said that he and Angie were dating for a while but Angie ended up having to leave town to get some work so they broke up. Angie didn't think that Howard was very monogamous while she was there. Howard said he was pretty good with her. He also said that she was very cool with the relationship and they both agreed that it didn't have to be very monogamous.
Howard said that he and Angie had some good times together. She said they really did. He said she goes out at night and he'd lay in bed thinking about her fucking some other guy. He asked her if she was ever tempted into going lesbian. She said she did have a woman come up to her at a party one time and tell her she wanted to pour powdered sugar all over her and lick it off. Angie said her reaction was to ask her ''Wouldn't you cough?''
Howard talked to Angie about this guy she's dating. She wasn't even sure what he does for a living for sure. She said they haven't been dating all that long.
Robin asked Angie about the comment she made about Howard being the best lover she ever had. Angie said she heard a lot of crap over that. Whenever she'd get into a fight with the guy she was with, he'd bring up the fact that she had dated Howard. Evil Dave told Angie that he had to agree that Howard really was a great lover. He also told Robin he'd like to lock himself in Robin's booth and smell her farts.
Howard told Angie that she was a very beautiful woman and a great person. He said he has a very fond spot in his heart for her. He said she's a great, great girl and one of the coolest chicks he knows. He said they had a lot of fun and really cared about each other. He said she had to move on and she kind of dumped him. She said that long distance relationships don't work and they really had to call it off when she moved to the West Coast.
Howard talked about how Angie could just pick up and fly off to places like Bali. He'd get jealous and worry about her banging other dudes. Angie said that she was totally in love with him and wouldn't have done anything. She said she would get jealous of people too.
Richard Christy came in and said that he's a big fan of Angie's in ''Bordello of Blood.'' He had a couple of questions for her. Howard said he used to beat off to her movies after they split up. Richard asked if he beat off to her Playboy layout. Howard said he didn't have to because he was dating her at the time. Richard said he did. Angie said that was too much for her to think about. Richard asked her if Howard's penis was as small as he claims it is. Angie wouldn't say just how big it was but she said it was fine. She told Richard to look at those hands of his. Richard asked Angie if Howard ever tossed her salad. She didn't know what that was and didn't really answer when Richard asked about it.
Howard had Angie plug this movie she was there to promote since he didn't have a plug on his console. Angie said the movie is called ''The Unknown Trilogy'' which is premiering in Philadelphia tomorrow night. She said she's not nude in the movie. Howard said she has been nude in a bunch of movies though. Evil Dave asked if there are any hot kids in the movie. He was also asking to see Fred's tattoo and his penis. Howard told him to calm down while Angie was there.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she met Angie in Chicago and she was very nice. She went over the old days with her for a few seconds. She told Howard he was very luck to have been with her. Evil Dave told Angie that this was the Howard Stern Show and he wanted to see some skin... Then he told Fred to take his shirt off.
Benjy asked Howard and Angie which one of them was into the other more. Angie said that they were both into it and it was very mutual. Benjy also asked if their break-up as emotional and sad. They said that they knew that they had to break up when Angie said she had to work.
Gary asked if they were ever close to that move where Angie would move in. Howard said he had just gotten divorced and didn't want to make any waves with his kids. He said they did kind of have a strange moment when Angie came on one of his birthday shows and they had some odd moments with his family watching. Robin asked Angie if she thinks that Howard was one of those guys that she let get away. She said she has nothing but fond memories of Howard and she always smiles when she thinks about him.
Howard gave Angie a plug for this movie ''The Unknown Trilogy'' and asked what it's all about. She said that she plays a mother who lost a child in a car accident. The movie premieres in Philadelphia tomorrow. Robin wondered what Beth thinks of this meeting today. Beth is actually out of town this week so Angie jokingly asked him if she was really out of town like she wanted to hook up with him. She also asked Howard what's up with him wanting to get married now since he was so against it in the past. Howard said he and Beth have been together for 7 years and it was just time. He said he never realized that he's a one woman man. He thought he was going to be ripping it up out on the town but that didn't happen. Angie said she wasn't surprised when she heard that he had gotten engaged.
Howard took some phone calls and one guy called in as Beth and told him to get that whore out of there. Another guy asked Howard if he ever thought he would be talking about how he had banged a first rate model like Angie. Howard said she's not just a model, she's a great person. He talked about just how great she was and then wrapped up with her. She said she's going to be doing a movie with Joe Pesci soon. They're in pre-production at this point so she's not sure where that will be shot yet. Howard told her that if things don't work out with Beth, he'll be right there for her. Angie told him to call her if Beth dumps him.
Evil Dave asked Angie what her stance is on Puerto Ricans is. Angie said she's fine with them but Dave said he thinks they're dangerous. Angie said that Dave is very funny on this show. Robin said she can't wait to see the hug between the two of them when they're saying goodbye. Angie asked Howard if he wanted to come to the premiere since Beth was out of town. Howard said he doesn't have a place to stay down there so maybe he could stay with her. They joked around about that for a short time.
Artie said that Howard and Angie seem to be very taken with each other even after all this time. They said that their relationship never really got to evolve past that stage so that's where they've been. Howard said he would introduce Artie to Angie but he thinks he'd feel weird if he was dating her. Artie said she's probably feel weirder.
Howard said he could introduce Evil Dave to Angie as well. Angie said that the real David Letterman doesn't like her. She said she did the show one time and Dave asked her a question about rude things that people have asked her. She said she said a guy asked her if she would ''suck my...'' and stopped there. She said Dave got up, walked off stage and didn't come back for 5 minutes. He actually started the whole show over again after that. She said that it was horrific for her. She said that she thought the guy was nuts when he did that. She said he interviewed her again but did it very quickly. Howard said he thinks that he was attracted to her and he was just showing her his power.
Howard said that he's said stuff on that show that they never edited out. She said they actually left all of that stuff in and the show turned out okay but she was really horrified by the whole thing. She said he ripped her apart. Evil Dave apologized to her for doing that to her. Artie said that it was cool they left that in the show because it makes her look better that way. Howard said he couldn't have been that offended. Gary said that Vinnie Favale called in and said that if they left that stuff in the show, it was obviously a joke. Angie said it was no joke to her. She said that Dave sneered at her and really didn't seem to like her. Evil Dave said he wasn't mad at her, he just wanted to soft rape her.
Howard asked Angie if she's ever been sexually assaulted. She said that has never happened. Howard thinks she could beat the shit out of a guy if he tried to do that. She said she grew up with four older brothers so she probably could. Howard asked her if guys have ever offered her money to have sex. She said she was once asked if she would have dinner with a guy for $50,000 but she turned that down. Howard wrapped up with Angie a short time later and went to break.
Howard talked about how good Angie looked when she came in. He said he was a very lucky man to have dated her. He said that Evil Dave was smitten with her too. He took a call from a guy who said he saw this cut-out of Angie that he took home from work and he jerks off to it every night. He said it's almost like having a live person compared to jerking off to a picture on the computer.
Jeff the Drunk called in and said that he voted for Sanjaya 100 times last night. He said he got through quite a bit but it didn't go through every time. Howard said he voted for about 20 minutes but only got through every 10th time he called. Howard thanked Jeff for the call.
Howard took another call from a woman who said she voted for Sanjaya as well and got about 45 votes in. She also said that she loves Artie on the show. Ralph called in after that and said he was voting all night into the wee hours of the morning. He said he just kept going and going after the East coast voting and tried to do it after the West coast showing.
Howard had Steve Langford come in to give his Howard 100 News preview and asked him if he could investigate the voting on American Idol. He told Steve about the rules they list on the TV show when it airs and asked Steve if there's a way they could discount this Sanjaya vote. Steve said he can investigate but it will be a tough nut to crack. He had the line from the show where they claim they can change the rules at the producer's discretion. Howard said he sees what's going on, they really could discount their voting and get rid of Sanjaya. Ralph said he thinks people really do love Sanjaya. He said some people were going nuts for him when he was singing.
Steve said they have a story about a web site called DialIdol.com where they show some stats about the show and they predict that Sanjaya will make the cut this week. Gary told Howard he had a couple of news reports where they mention Howard's name while talking about American Idol. Howard played the clips and they talk about Howard being one of the reasons Sanjaya may still be on the show.
Howard said he heard that Steve was upset about the whole American Idol thing. Steve said he's not much of a fan of the show and thinks it's a plague in this country. Howard played another news story about the Idol thing and then had Steve get back to his news preview. Steve brought up the Beetlejuice story and how they were able to find and save Beetlejuice after he went missing. They also have a story about Cabbie getting booted off of SternFanNetwork.com after he was trash talking people. Howard said Cabbie actually sent him an email complaining about how Mutt was making money off his name.
Steve said they'll have a story about Robin's race that's coming up soon. She's been out practicing in California lately. Steve wrapped up with his news preview after that. Jon Hein went through the stories they'll be covering on The Wrap Up Show today. He mentioned Angie Everhart, Tommy Shaw and the guys performing some tunes. Evil Dave will also be one of the subjects for discussion and so will Richard Christy's hygiene.
Howard said that Jenna Jameson has issued a press release about her weight loss. She's been very thin lately and people have been bothering her about the weight loss. She claims that she's going through some tough times right now, going through a divorce, but she can't talk too much about it because of legal reasons. Howard and Robin said that they told Jenna not to marry that guy that she's divorcing. Howard had Robin get to her news after that.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that he heard Howard saying that Angie was hot and he really can't do that when he's got Beth. Howard said he's not going to fuck his thing up with Beth, he's not going to bad mouth her. The caller asked Howard if he could get a tour of the studios up there. He said he's being shipped off to Afghanistan soon so he wanted to see the studios. Howard put him on hold and told Gary to set him up.
Howard took another call from someone who said that he's not enjoying Evil Dave today. He thinks that he's sucking. Evil Dave told him that's because he's feeling under the weather today. A little later Howard asked Dave, the real Dave, about this girl he's been dating. Dave said that he's friends with her. He didn't seem to want to talk about the whole thing and kept saying ''Huh?'' to every question they asked him. Dave said that the woman is 2 years younger than him and he's 47. Howard and the guys thought he was older than that, he sure looks it. Dave said the show gives him grey hair.
Howard took a call from Bobo who was asking Artie to pick between Angie Everhart and a bunch of other hot chicks. Artie went with them until Dave interrupted with some of his young boy comments. Howard also hung up on Bobo when he was in the middle of a sentence.
Howard took some phone calls during the news, very late in the show, and people were talking about how they were all voting for Sanjaya last night.
Robin went through her news and Howard ended the show around 11:25am.
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Howard started off the show playing a clip from last night's American Idol show. Sanjaya is still in it after the voting on Tuesday. Howard said that gives him chills. He said he wasn't even in the bottom 3 so that means he's going on to the tour and into the final 10 on the show. Howard said he feels kind of bad that this chick Stephanie got kicked off. He said she actually had some talent and now she doesn't get to go on tour. He said he had to stop thinking of that and just go with it.
Howard said last night's show was kind of fucked up because they had Peter Noone singing instead of letting Stephanie say goodbye to everyone. Howard ended up talking about the Peter Noone thing and brought up the Led Zeppelin stuff they've been talking about on the show lately. They got an e-mail from Vinnie Favale who told them about how the band has ripped off other songs and used them as their own.
Howard played an example of a version of Dazed and Confused that another guy wrote and performed before Led Zeppelin came out with theirs. It was an exact cover of the song and they didn't give the guy credit for the song. Robin said she was getting pissed off at Jimmy Paige after hearing all of this stuff. Howard said this is kind of like the guys who steal ideas from his show and pawn them off as their own. Jason was telling Howard that Vinnie sent him a 30 page e-mail about this guy Jake Holmes who wrote that Dazed and Confused song. Howard said he doesn't have time to read that stuff.
Artie told a story about the director of the movie ''Dazed and Confused'' and how every old band gave him the rights to use their songs from that period. The only band that didn't allow it was Led Zeppelin.
Howard played a bit that he played during yesterday's Eric interview where they have him peeing the bed during his sleep. Howard told Eric he could have been part of the movement to get Sanjaya to stay on the show. Eric said he didn't care. Howard said he really wanted to call in and gloat that he was voted out but he can't do that now.
Howard told Eric his predictions are really off now. He's no longer the Idol Expert that he thought he was. Eric said he can't use that title anymore. Howard and Robin laughed at that for a few seconds. Artie gave him a new name that was ''Eric the Midget that doesn't know shit about American Idol.'' Howard seemed to like that new name.
Howard said that they might just be able to bring Sanjaya to the end of the show. He said that would be great. They didn't even show Simon Cowell's face on the show last night. Howard said they should have the judges from the show on his show to talk about what's going on. They might have to demand a SIRIUS banner on stage with the winners. He talked about how they may have to demand that they do certain things for them to stop voting for Sanjaya.
Howard told Eric that if he had gone along with them, he would have demanded that Eric get a seat at every show and have a prominent seat where everyone would see him. He kept asking him to join them but he refused and now he's powerless. Artie said something to him which pissed him off so he told Artie that at least he's not a coke head. Artie told him he should give it a try.
Artie's face was all cut up from shaving so Howard pointed that out. Artie said he had to shave quickly because he's going out on the road and can't bring any shaving stuff with him. Artie said he doesn't spend a lot of time shaving or doing his hair. Eric threw in a comment and said that he spends most of his life stuffing his face. Artie told him that his comments are very hurtful. He and Howard shared their shaving techniques for a short time.
Howard said they have a new thing on HowardStern.com where they can send pictures immediately. He told Artie to look into his camera so they could send a shot of him. He said it looked really painful.
Howard went into his Eric the Midget impression and goofed on him about the Idol thing. He said Eric must have freaked out when he saw that Sanjaya was still in it. Eric said ''not really.'' Howard said Eric could have gone along with the fun but he blew it. Eric said he doesn't want to go along with that they call ''fun.'' Robin said they're going to go on without him now. Eric gave them a very subdued ''okay.'' Howard said he might have to put a different midget in the audience just to burn him up.
Howard said that if Hank the Dwarf was still around, he would have voted for Sanjaya. They talked about the days when he was on and how great he did when he did this Rock and Roll Trivia thing.
Howard interrupted and said he was going to go to a wake last night for Phoebe Snow's daughter last night but he didn't get a chance to get there. He said that she had a daughter who was handicapped and she just passed away. He said that Phoebe took great care of that kid and put a lot of effort into taking care of her. He said the kid was about 22 and she wasn't supposed to live past infancy. She defied the odds of medicine kind of like Eric did. Howard then found that the kid was 32. Eric said he didn't want to say how old he was after hearing that. He's around the same age.
Howard said every time he gets a great midget on the show, they die on him. Robin brought up how Beetlejuice vanished the other day and they had to put out their own Amber Alert to try and find him when he disappeared. They did find him though. Howard said he doesn't hear from Beetlejuice's manager Sean much these days. He used to threaten to kill them if they didn't put him on the show. He said he kind of misses that.
Howard had ''God'' on the phone. He wanted to let them know that Eric will never die because they don't want him up there in Heaven annoying them. Artie said God sounded like a Long Island pizza maker (Sal). Eric was telling Howard that he's not going to be going up to Heaven either.
Vinnie told Howard about some of the stuff they were talking about earlier in the morning. Vinnie started to ramble so Howard cut him off and said he had to get going. Vinnie told Howard to tell Tim to just cut and paste stuff in an e-mail instead of forwarding him the stuff he wants him to read.
Howard took a call from a guy who did an Eric the Midget impression that didn't go over so well. Howard hung up on him. He took another call from a woman who said she was very excited about the whole Sanjaya thing. She and her husband voted about 75 times each. Howard congratulated everyone on helping to get Sanjaya to stick around.
Howard asked Eric if he was starting to believe that Sanjaya was going to the end. Eric gave them another ''No.'' He said he hopes he just makes it to next week. Fred asked him if he wanted to make a wager on that. Another caller brought up Sanjaya so Howard suggested that they rename Eric to Sanjaya the Midget. The caller asked Eric if he ever dreams that he can walk around like a regular person. Eric said ''No, does he ever dream he has a brain?'' Howard said he loves that this stuff drives him crazy.
Another caller pointed out that Eric was the one who called in and complained about Sanjaya last week. Howard said that Eric is probably the reason that they pushed for that. The caller said that maybe they should have Eric fly with balloons to stop them from voting. Howard said he's not sure he can stop voting for this Sanjaya guy and he's going to do that kind of stuff. That caller said he doesn't even get FOX up in Maine where he lives so he can't watch American Idol.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he was on a web site yesterday looking at celebrity nip-slips and saw a couple of Beth. He described what he saw on TheHun.net so the guys tried to find what he was talking about. He said it was under celebrity nip-slips and under the month of February. Howard said he knows Beth's nips very well so he would know if they were doctored pictures or not.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that he was using a special messenger program to text his votes to American Idol the other night. He was sending hundreds of votes per second at one point. The caller also asked Howard about something that he had mentioned before going to satellite. He thought Howard had a new way of making love to Beth. Howard said he may have just been joking around about that. He said they start out in the missionary, then her legs are up and then she's on her side and then he moves to doggy style. He said he has those four moves and that's the way he likes to do it each time they make love. He said it's hard to describe and he might have to demonstrate on Artie.
Jason came in and said that Howard did say something about a new way to make love to her and at the time he said it was something that he found by accident. Howard said he'll go through his whole routine but he's going to have to demonstrate it on Artie. He let that caller go a short time later.
Howard got back to Eric and talked to him about the American Idol thing again. He said he really would have asked for something for Eric from the American Idol people if he had just played along with their plan. He said even Eric doesn't recognize that the show is important. He said American Idol is at their mercy now and they control the show at this point. Eric said he hopes they don't. Howard said they do, it's not even a question at this point. He told Eric to admit that they control the show. Eric refused to admit to that. He wasn't going to play along with them. Howard asked Eric how many times he voted against Sanjaya. Eric said he lost count.
Howard said they might have to change the name of the show to Howard Stern's American Idol. Eric said he hopes that doesn't ever happen. Robin said that Eric could have had quite a life going to all of the American Idol shows and going to the concerts if he had just played along. Howard told him he could have had a front seat at the show and he could have had a lot more input there.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he knows that there were about 300 people at a senior's home that were all told to vote for Sanjaya earlier this week because of Howard's show. That guy asked for a tour of Howard's studio so Howard asked Gary if they could do that. Gary said they're actually booked through June. The caller said he could do it in July so they booked him. Howard said he's not taking anymore tour bookings for 6 months now.
Artie asked Howard if he would rather be Eric or Jeff. Howard said ''Oh man...'' and asked Artie which one he'd rather be. Artie said he'd rather be Eric. Gary came in and said that he'd rather be Jeff because he would be normal size. He said they might be able to come up with a bionic arm or something. Howard said he was going with Artie and would rather be Eric the Midget. Then he said that Jeff can get laid while Eric can't. Gary said that just taking a shit is a nightmare for Eric. Eric said he doesn't know that to be true. He said he's never seen him shitting. Howard and Artie both said that taking a shit is an ordeal for them too. Artie said he's very preoccupied with shitting. He said he watched a History Channel special about the war and old times before that and all he wonders is where they shit.
Gary said that on the show Deadwood they make you see just how dirty things were in the past. Everything was filthy back then. Howard said he has a whole thing where he uses toilet paper and then baby wipes to clean out all of the ''grit'' that's in there. Howard said he keeps going with his baby wipes and won't use more than 3 but he makes sure they're clean before he knows he's done. He said he has to tuck on that hair back there to clean it up. Robin told him he should cut that hair back there.
Howard asked Eric how many times a day he shits. He said it's maybe twice. Artie goes at least two times a day. Gary asked Eric how much he has to go through to go to the bathroom. Eric described it and it did sound like an ordeal to Gary. Howard said that there shouldn't even be an argument about who someone would rather be. Jeff the Drunk should be the winner there. Gary said he would reluctantly go with Jeff.
Howard said he might have to go with Jeff after hearing Gary's discussion. Jeff ended up hanging up on them after they goofed on him a little too much. Gary said that Jeff called in for them to congratulate him on voting for Sanjaya and it ended up like that.
Howard described what was going on in those clips and then played another scene where Lily was in a car with Dustin Hoffman and went off on the director again. Lily tells everyone to shut the fuck up including Dustin Hoffman who was sitting in the car next to her. Hoffman tells her to go with her anger and use it for the scene. Howard said that this was a bigger disaster than Ishtar with Hoffman and Warren Beatty videotaping every scene before the filmed it.
Howard said they called an oil change place and had Lily Tomlin yelling at them about an oil change that got screwed up. In the call Sal calls in for his ''mother'' who was pissed off about whatever it was that got screwed up. Sal puts the woman at the oil change place on the line with Lily and Lily yells at her telling her to leave her the fuck alone. He has Lily telling them that they fucked it up and saying fuck you over and over. The oil change place eventually hangs up on her after one too many fuck yous.
The caller on the line asked to hear an old phony phone call they had with Rosie O'Donnell. Howard said that was an old one but they'd try to find it.
Jeff said he doesn't have a license so Gary asked him why. Jeff said everyone knows why. He said he got a DWI so that's why he doesn't have it. Howard told him to get a telemarketing job from home. Jeff just huffed and sighed. Artie asked him what he's going to do today, other than smoke some weed. Jeff said he's not going to do that, he doesn't have any to smoke. Artie said he's pretty sure he knows how to make that happen. Jeff said he didn't want to talk about that.
Howard said this was supposed to be a happy day and he didn't want to get everyone down. Jeff asked when they're going to have a birthday party for him. He turns 40 in May. Howard said he thought he was 70 years old. Jeff said Howard did say he was going to give him a party. Howard was pretty sure he never said that. Jeff insisted he did.
Artie told Jeff that he's been working every day for 20 years and he's probably one of the biggest alcoholics around. He thinks Jeff should be working too. Jeff said his birthday is on May 2nd so Howard told him maybe they'd do something for him.
Howard still had Eric the Midget on the phone so he goofed on him a little bit. He told him ''Better luck next time... ah hahahahahaha'' as he was doing an impression of him. Fred threw in his theme music and some buzzer sounds as well. Howard let Eric go a short time later.
Howard asked Scott to dress up like he did at Showbiz but Scott said it was just black pants and a white shirt. Howard asked him to wear that every day from now on.
Howard said that they have a busy show today and they have Sal's wife coming in with a paintball gun to shoot him in the ass for money. Gary said that Sal was trying it out at home yesterday and his friend shot a hold in their picnic table so he's kind of freaking out.
Howard took a call from John Boy who was goofing on him about the American Idol thing. He thinks it's kind of gay to talk about that stuff on the show and to actually vote. Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who was trying to defend Jeff the Drunk. She went off on Artie about what he was saying about that. She wants someone to hire Jeff and give him a job. She's been out looking for a job herself and it's not so easy.
Another caller pointed out what Artie was saying about Jeff being given a healthy body and look what he's done with it. Artie is just as guilty of screwing up his body. Artie said he was just pointing out how Jeff asks for free stuff all the time.
Howard read through some e-mail about yesterday's show. Almost everyone loved the musical guest Shaw Blades. Some people thought he had cut them off during some of their songs but he said they cut themselves off. Gary told Howard they had those performances up on his computer if he wanted to play them. Howard did play some of the clips after that. He pointed out that they were the ones who stopped in the middle of the Yes song that they were playing.
The caller asked Howard what was going through his mind when Angie walked into the room. Howard said they dated 7 years ago and he's in love with Beth now but Angie really was a great girl. He said he did have a lot of memories rush in when she walked in the room. He remembered two specific incidents that he remembered. He said Beth came home last night and she heard about the Angie thing so she may have been a little irritated by it. He said he doesn't think that she'd ask him not to have her on the show. He said that would be kind of awkward to stop him from having a guest on the show.
Gary said they have Jeff coming in next week to do a show with this Reverend. They have Siobhan, Jeff the Drunk and Blue Iris coming in to get some help from this Reverend. Misty the Prostitute and Jeff Levy the vomit guy are also going to be in to get some help.
Artie said that he remembers what Jeff did to him. He was going to pay him to hand out some fliers for his movie and Jeff wanted the money before he got the fliers. He said Jeff called him demanding the money before he even did the job.
Howard was going to read through some more e-mail but Gary told him that they were very far behind. They had a lot of stuff going on today. Howard said he could do the show without any commercial breaks but he was going to let Gary ruin the fun. He said they've been giving him a hard time about having breakfast with some advertisers. He said they could actually do it while they're doing the show and they'd have the food there in the lobby. He doesn't think that having breakfast with him is going to help the advertisers. The advertising department wants him to do it though. Howard told Gary to just tell them to do it during the show.
Howard was coming up with some long songs they could play while he does the meet and greet with the advertisers. They were throwing out songs that ranged from 7 minutes to over 32 minutes. Artie knew a bunch of songs that they could play. Howard said he had to go to break after that.
Howard said he got a lot of feedback about comedian Ant and people seem to like him a lot. They also got some feedback about Richard's phony phone call where he used audio of his shits to prank call a car repair shop. Howard said he thinks that he played it yesterday, probably around this time. He was going to play it anyway but Robin said he could wait. Howard read some of the feedback about the call and people were talking about how funny it was. Howard said he had to play the call after reading that. He said he loved it himself. In the call Richard tells a repair shop that his car won't start and run. you hear Richard starting a car and then it stalls and you hear Richard's shitting sound.
Howard read some feedback about the Angie Everhart visit from yesterday. Some people thought that Howard was flirting with her but he insisted he wasn't. Robin said he was though. He read through some other e-mails where people complained about the interview because they were just stroking each other telling each other how great they were. He actually read that one twice because it was printed out twice. He told the guys they can't print that stuff out twice.
Howard said Robin sent him a picture of her cat and it was very odd looking. Robin said it's a Cornish Rex and it's not as odd looking as the one in Austin Powers.
Howard read a story about a guy who got in trouble for having sex with a dead deer. The guy had gotten into trouble back in 2005 for killing a horse to have sex with it. Then he got into trouble having sex with this deer. He read through that article and then moved on to the Sal and his wife thing.
Sal went on to say that Christine lost 15 pounds and she's been going out lately. He called her when she was out at a club one night and some dude told her to hang up the phone on him. He said she told him that it was her friend Sue talking but he knew it was a dude. She said that she does have guys hitting on her at the bars she goes to. Sal said they can have her. Howard told Sal he'll never get a hotter chick than this.
Christine said that Sal is lazy so he pointed out that he gets up at 4 in the morning and doesn't get home until 6:30 at night and she's calling him lazy. Howard wanted to know how he was lazy but Christine didn't want to start a war. Howard asked her if she's heard the songs that Sal has written about her. She hadn't heard them so Howard played ''My Wife'' for her. In that one Sal sings about how he'd like to crack her in the skull and throw her in the trash among other things. Christine was laughing during the song so she must not have been too upset.
Howard said he can not figure out what Sal is talking about. He said that she's just hot. Howard asked Christine what she wears when she goes out with her friends to the club. She said it's just regular clothes. Sal said she asked him how she looked and he told her that she looked like she was ready to fuck someone else, that's how she looked.
Howard asked Christine about how she avoids touching Sal. Sal claims she won't even hold his hand. Sal said that he touched her the other night and she jumped and didn't want to do anything. He said she was watching Lost and that was more important than sex. Howard asked Christine if she was sexually attracted to Sal. She didn't answer. She told him not to put her on the spot like that. Sal couldn't believe what he was hearing. Sal said it seems like Christine and Howard have the same sentiment about him.
Christine said when she met Sal in college he was singing stupid songs then so she should have known he was going to be like this. Sal was in school to become a radiologist but that didn't pan out. Artie said that it's worked out for Sal, he's working on this show.
Howard asked Christine about the house and why she keeps Sal from wearing his shoes in the house. Sal said that she has a cleaning lady come in one day a week. He said he has to clean up the day before the cleaning lady comes in and he thinks that's ridiculous. Christine told Howard she had the answer about being attracted to him... and it was 'no.'
Sal said he's pleading for help in this whole thing. He wants the marriage to work out. Gary said that Sal claims to be held up for ransom over some tapes that they had of her yelling at him. She demanded a $1400 bag to give him permission to play that stuff on the air so he did it. Howard played some of the clips where Christine was screaming at Sal for doing things while they were taking pictures at home. Christine said that he does that stuff on purpose to get her pissed at him. Howard asked her if she sees herself being married to him the rest of her life. She said ''I don't know...'' and laughed. Sal said she's serious too. She said that Sal had just insulted her so that's why she was going there.
Artie asked Christine if money is an issue for her. She said that it is for Sal. Artie asked Sal how much of a pay cut he had to take going to this job form being a Stockbroker. Sal said it was a huge cut but Christine supported him in that. He thinks that it can work out in the long run.
Howard asked Christine what would make her feel better about him. She said that on Friday Sal didn't shovel at all when it snowed last week. She said that Sal said he was making breakfast and then told her that she could have told him to shovel if she wanted him to. He talks in circles according to Christine. Sal told Howard that he made breakfast for 3 kids and tended to them. After breakfast he watched TV with the kids. Then she comes home and starts digging away with the shovel but he doesn't have ESP so he doesn't know she's out there. He said he didn't know she was out there.
Sal said that Christine was telling him that he has to get out on the road more so they can pay for things around the house. He said that was after she asked him to be home more. Now she's telling him to call Bob Levy to get booked on more shows. She was telling Sal that he shouldn't be making songs about her either.
Howard played Christine another song parody that Sal wrote about her. That one was to the tune of ''Photograph'' and in it he sings about her fat ass and how she married him for his money. Sal told Howard that what he wants is a little respect from his wife. He said he'd like to come home like other guys who have their wives showing up to comedy shows and rubbing their man's back and things like that. He said he'd like her to take that extra step and just like him a little more. Christine said she is very nice to him when he comes home. Sal said she yells at him to take off his shoes and to clean up the house for the cleaning lady.
Sal said he called home from the train one day and asked Christine what they were having for dinner. She told him ''whatever you bring home'' and hung up on him. Howard told Sal that he's got himself a hot wife and he should watch himself. She asked if the club was open tonight.
Christine told Howard a story about Sal stripping down to his underwear at a wedding they went to. That's the kind of stuff he does to her. After that Howard told Sal to take his pants down so his wife could shoot him in the ass. He explained that the money they were trying to win was courtesy of this movie ''The Shooter'' which comes out tomorrow.
Christine was going to be shooting Sal in the ass with a paintball gun. For each shot she hit, she wins $500. Christine was going to be about 20 feet from Sal with a paintball gun. Howard said they can make up to $5,000 so she gets 10 shots. She gets no practice shots according to Howard. Christine said that she's never shot a gun before. Howard had a guy there from a place called Chilly Bear where they run paintball gun events. He told Howard Sal will have some big welts on his ass if he gets hit. Howard said he thinks that Sal shouldn't do it but Sal said he already spent the money on a Disney vacation.
Howard said you can find out more about Chilly Bear at ChillyStuff.com. He then had Christine take her first shot. She missed Sal completely but Sal said he felt the air go past his hair. Artie said that those things go fast. Sal said he's never felt what a grazed bullet feels like but that's what it must feel like. He asked for a helmet before the next shot. Christine took her second shot and missed again. Sal said that was very scary. Christine took her third shot as Sal was breathing heavy waiting for the pain. Sal got hit in the leg but it just grazed him. Sal said it just grazed his thigh. Howard said they were going to give her $500 for that shot.
Christine took another shot and nailed Sal right in the thigh. Sal was screaming out in pain. Mike Gange said there was quite a welt on him from that shot. Gary told Sal to keep his legs closed so they don't hit his balls. Christine was laughing and said it was very funny. She took her next shot and hit him square in the ass. Sal yelled out in pain once again. They were up to $1,500. Sal asked her not to hit that side again because it hurt so much. Sal said he was going to have a heart attack if she hit that side again. Will said that it was actually bleeding on that side.
Howard asked Sal if he wanted to stop. Christine took another shot and hit him in the exact same spot. Sal yelled out in pain and kept yelling because it hurt so bad. Howard said he had to put a stop to it at that point. Sal said he had to stop because the pain was just too much. Gary said that Sal was in pain but Christine was laughing at him. She seemed to feel nothing for him.
Fred asked Sal to just go through with one more shot because it was the last one. He had gone through this much so far, he should just put the pain out of his mind and go through with one more. Sal couldn't take the pain. Howard told Sal that if he took one more shot he would give him the $5,000 and he'd even let him cover up that cheek. Sal said if he did that the e-mail would start coming in. He said he was going to leave that cheek open and just go for it.
Howard said he didn't like that Sal was going to do it again. He was afraid that it was going to really hurt the guy. Howard said Sal almost passed out from this yet Christine was ready to take another shot. She said she didn't want to come in the first place. Sal said he needs the money so she has to go through with it. He asked her to please not hit the left side. He said he was willing to take the chance though. Sal covered up his balls again and got ready for the final shot. She took the shot and missed. They let Christine take one more shot and she tried not to hit the left side. She hit him on the right side. Sal said that it hurt so much and it sounded like he was about to cry. Gary told him to walk around but Sal told him he wasn't going to walk around and told him to leave him alone. Christine told him to just shovel the driveway next time.
Howard said that they had just won $5,000 and asked to see the welts on Sal's ass. She almost hit him in the rectum. Sal said it felt like they turned up the power or something because it hurt just as much as the shots that hit the same spot. Howard wrapped up and thanked Billy from Chilly Bear and also thanked Christine for coming in.
Mike Gange said they had some replays to play for them. They showed those on the studio monitors but there was no sound. Ronnie the Limo Driver came in and said that Gene Simmons was out watching all of that going on out there in the office. He went to break a short time later.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he had to stop the truck he was driving because he was laughing so hard. Howard watched some of the replays while he was talking to that guy. He said he can't imagine that Beth would laugh at him like Christine did to Sal if she was shooting him in the ass. Howard said he was watching Sal writhing in pain and trying to stand up after being shot.
Howard had the guys bring in Gene Simmons and his wife Shannon Tweed who just got face lifts on their TV show. He wanted to see how they look. Gene corrected Howard and said that he and Shannon are not married. Shannon said that she got the face lift on the show, not for the show. Gene said that his daughter thought that he looked like Pat Morita or Stephen Seagal after he got his face lift. Shannon said they don't pull it so tight these days. Gene said that they're going to put a lot of the surgery on the TV show and online as well.
Howard told Gene that he didn't look all that different. Gene said he thinks it was worth it though. He didn't think about having one until the producer of the show asked him if he wanted to. Then he just agreed to do it. Howard said he'd be too scared to do that. He did have a nose job done but he just wants to let the rest of his face grow old. He wondered why they wanted to go through something like that when they have such great lives. Shannon said she just turned 50 on Saturday and she did have some bags under her eyes and stuff.
Gene told a story about a woman coming up to him with a cane and cawed at him ''Aww, Gene, it's me...'' and asked if he remembered her. Gene said that he figured he had done her daughter or something. It turns out he had done her back in the 1970s when he was in his 20s and she was in her 40s. He said she's now 70.
Howard asked Gene if he's ever sold one KISS coffin other than one for Dime Bag Darrell. Gene said that they have sold them and more than one person has been buried in one. They mentioned one guy who was killed in Iraq and asked to be buried in one.
Howard asked Gene about one of the songs that KISS wrote. He said that they've been talking about this book that they've been talking about and how they claim that one of their songs is similar to a Rod Stewart song. Howard played both songs and asked Gene about it. Gene said that the copyright laws have to do with melody and lyric so you can take certain chords and sing any lyrics to them if they're not exactly the same. Gene said that there are many songs that are similar. He went through a bunch of songs like that and the song that Howard was asking about was not ripped off from Rod Stewart... legally. He said he would never admit to ripping off a song like that.
Howard asked Shannon about sleeping with Hugh Hefner. She said that she was very young back then and thought she was in love. She said she made it to Playmate of the year after that. Howard asked if she felt she was selling herself to him. She said she may not have made it to Playmate of the year if she hadn't. Howard wondered if she had a three way with him. She said she really didn't remember. Howard tried to get that out of her but she insisted she didn't remember.
Howard asked Shannon if she would let her daughter appear in Playboy. She said she would not. She thinks that she has higher aspirations than that. Gene said he wouldn't want it but he couldn't stop her from doing it if she wanted to. That led to Gene getting in a plug for their show, ''Gene Simmons Family Jewels,'' that starts it's second season this Sunday night on A&E. He said that they don't allow any drugs, alcohol or cigarettes in the house and their kids only job is to do well in school.
Howard asked Shannon if she was wearing underwear. She wasn't and both Sal and Howard said they may have caught a little view of it. Gene asked Howard about his impending marriage and started laughing at him. Howard said that Gene and Shannon are just about married so there's no reason to laugh. Gene said that they're not married.
Sal was in the studio and wanted to say why he thinks Shannon won't get married. Howard cut him off and said that Gene actually wanted to walk away from Sal out in the hall earlier because he was standing there talking to him in a cod piece. Sal talked about the reason he thought that Gene and Shannon weren't getting married. Howard then asked Gene why he won't marry this woman. Gene said that he wants every day to be a choice. When you get married you're trapped. He said he wants Shannon to be able to choose to be with him instead of being forced to be with him.
Howard told Gene that if he married Shannon she would love him even more. Howard asked Shannon if she would say yes if Gene asked her to marry him. She said she would. Howard then tried to get Gene to do it. Gene told him he hates him. Gene said he thought he was ready for anything Howard could throw at him, he didn't know this was coming.
Howard asked gene to talk to Shannon and say something to her to make things right. Gene told Shannon that they should get out of there as soon as possible. Sal said that Gene feels that he can still screw around on the road so that's why he won't marry. Sal thinks that Shannon gets upset about it to this day and she should dump him now because he probably is screwing around on her out on the road. Howard wanted him to come in and take a lie detector test about the cheating thing the next time they're in there.
Shannon said that she would bet anything that Gene has not cheated on her at all. Howard said he would bet $5,000 that he has. Howard asked them when they can come back in so they can set that up. Shannon said that mid-season of their TV show they could come back. Shannon said that if he doesn't pass the test, there will be no third season of the TV show.
Howard gave Gene a plug for an appearance he's making at the Hard Rock Cafe today at noon in New York City. He said they're going to have an Assvertisement promotion going on where they have some women with ads on their asses. Shannon said she doesn't think that Gene will ever take the test because he doesn't cheat and he doesn't want people to know that he doesn't cheat.
Howard took some phone calls and one of them was this guy Mark the Patent Attorney who said that Gene was wrong about being able to take 7 bars of a song and using them legally. Gene and Mark argued about that for a short time before Howard took another call. The caller told Gene that he should give Richard Christy one of those Kiss toothbrushes he's got. Gene said that they've sold 15 million of those toothbrushes.
Howard said that Andrew Dice Clay was on The Tom Green show bad mouthing Gene Simmons. He played the clip where Dice goofed on Gene's hair and called him an asshole. Gene said that Dice is terrific and everything he said about him was true. He said he really doesn't seem to care that Dice was bad mouthing him at all.
Sal asked Gene if he ever gets sick and tired of Paul's flamboyant song introductions. Gene said he does so Sal explained just how gay it is. He did an impression of him for a short time. Then Howard took a call from someone playing audio clips of Dice yelling. Howard played along with it for a few minutes. Gene said that dice is actually a sweetheart. He said he likes him and really doesn't have a problem with him at all.
Howard spent a few more minutes trying to get Gene to ask Shannon to marry him. Gene wasn't going to go there though. Howard said she should just leave him at this point. He gave them another plug for their show and went to break a short time later.
Howard said he had just read that the guy they used to use on Letterman's show, Larry Bud Melman, had just passed away. He was 85 years old. He talked about how NBC wouldn't let Letterman use that name because it wasn't the guy's real name, so the bit didn't work as well anymore and they dropped him.
Howard said that he had an article about a dog that some people were trying to find a new home for. He said that he could never do that to a dog and get rid of it. He said you really get attached to it. He said the dog is a 2 year old Lab-Sheppard mix. He said the people are leaving the country so he told them to figure out a way to keep it.
Howard said that he's not having much luck with his Chess games lately. He said he seems to take these things up to prove how shitty he is at them. Robin said that she took up tennis and found that out about herself.
Howard had Steve Langford come in with his Howard 100 News preview. Steve said that they'll be talking about how the fans have started a new web site called SanjayaFanNetwork.com. They'll also have a story about Jackie the Joke Man having an article coming out about him in the paper this week. They'll also have a story about Sour Shoes the one man band. They have a new Page 69 coming up today as well. Jason and Will will be talking about Lisa G's obsession with marriage and how she's got a picture of Beth O's engagement ring hanging up. Steve also said that Andy Dick's Shit Show is returning to Howard 101 tonight at Midnight.
Howard mentioned that chuck Zito has a good show on Howard 101 as well. He had some clips from his show to play. He had one clip where Chuck talked about the workouts that he does with Tim Sabean. They get oiled up and put on suits so they can get all sweaty. Tim came in while Howard was playing the clips and told them about the stuff he does in those workouts. He said he can barely walk after doing the workout.
Howard played another clip where Chuck talks about knocking some guy out with a bitch-slap. Chuck said people challenge him all the time and sometimes he has to take it to the next level and knock someone out. Howard said that Chuck would probably be the ruler of half the planet if he was born back in the middle ages. He was just born into the wrong time. Howard played another clip where Chuck talks about how he had to fight 18 guys at one time. chuck said he sat and waited for these guys to come by and when they did, he just started wailing on them. That led to Howard talking about how in the ape world, there are only a few apes that actually get to fuck. It's not all of them. He said the rest of them are a bunch of pussies. Howard said they'd be screwed if they had to live like that with Chuck.
Howard said that Joey Boots is going to be covering for Mutt tonight on Superfan Roundtable. He didn't know why that was. The guys told him that Mutt is going to be down there for the big comedy show. Howard said he wonders why he's giving him this guy a show if he's not going to be around. He said that Joey could come in and do the show better than him and maybe take over. Artie thought it was funny that Mutt is flying down to Tampa when he was just a web site guy who they gave a radio show to. Artie was laughing his ass off thinking about how that guy doesn't seem to be much of a Superfan when he walks away from that radio show like that.
Howard and the guys ended up talking about Gene Simmons for a short time after Bong Hit Eric called in and brought it up. He was also asking about the dog that Howard had mentioned earlier. Howard said he wouldn't want him having it if he was going to be smoking weed with the dog. Bong Hit said he would take care of the dog and it would have a nice big back yard. Howard said he'd talk to Beth about it.
Bong Hit took some hits off his bong as Howard was talking to him. He was telling Howard that he loves when his parents are on the show so that got Howard talking about them a little bit. He was doing the impressions of his mother and father and goofing on the way they act when he's around them. He was saying that his father loves to eat those canned sardines on bread and brings them with him to the track when he goes. Howard said he thinks that his father had to have stepped out on his mother at some point in his life. He thinks that he must have at least gotten a hand job at some point in his life.
Bong Hit Eric asked Howard if he would ever do the Fartman movie. Howard said he's not sure about that because people take it so seriously. He took a call from someone playing audio clips of his mother talking to him. He went with that for about 30 seconds before hanging up. That led to Artie talking about how he doesn't go over to his mother's house as much as he used to. He also said that his mother just retired last week after working for so many years. Howard said that she was a very good looking woman and he's surprised that she never got married again.
Howard said he's not bullshitting, Artie's mom is hot. He asked Artie if he thinks that she ever banged another man after his father died. He said absolutely not. He doesn't believe that for a second. He said he thinks she would have felt that it would have werided out her kids so she avoided it. He said he would have felt better if she had dated someone.
Howard had Jon Hein give his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon said they'll talk about Sal and Christine's paintball thing. They'll also talk about Gene Simmons and Shannon Tweed's visit. They'll also talk about Eric the Midget and the American Idol thing. Howard thanked him for that and mentioned that Mike Walker was not with them this week because he's on vacation. He went to break after that.
Gary told Howard that Sal's wife had a song parody that she wrote for him. Howard played a few seconds of the song which was a parody of Sal's ''Photograph'' but it was awful. Howard cut it off after just a few seconds. Fred caught a glimpse of Sal's bloody ass and let out an ''OH!'' so Howard had to see what he was seeing. They checked out the welts on his ass and talked about how awful they looked. They have some pictures of those welts up on HowardStern.com.
Howard talked about this story about Carmen Electra and Joan Jett possibly being a couple. He read the article and said if it's true that Joan has Carmen, he's pissed off at Joan. He talked about the time he was in a shower with Carmen and stood there like a chick not doing anything with her. He still says that nothing happened that day. Robin doesn't seem to believe him when he says that though. Howard had Robin start her news right after that.
During the news Howard took a call from a guy who asked him if he thinks that Smallville has strayed too far from the original story of Superman and Lex Luther. Howard said that the writers of that show should be applauded for what they've done with that show. He said that they've given the back story for many aspects of the show and they've turned a full blown story out of a little nugget of a story. He said he's applauding them for what they've done but Robin complained that he's 30 years old now and still hasn't flown. Howard said the story is good and he likes it.
Robin wrapped up her news and Artie mentioned that he'll be doing Bubba's show today. Gary said he's going to be on tomorrow live from his house via ISDN line. Artie is going down to Tampa for a comedy show. Howard wrapped up the show a short time later, around 11:15am.
Howard started off the show talking about how busy they were going to be. They had farters coming in, a guy who reconstructs women's vaginas and Dave Grohl from the Foo Fighters. He said he loves that band and can't believe that Dave was the drummer in Nirvana. Kurt Cobain's death freed him up to show off his talents. He said that Dave is going to be performing a song acoustically when he comes in. He said he's going to be doing ''Everlong'' and played a little bit of the album version of the song. Howard said he really loves those guys. Gary told him that Dave has never done a song acoustically like that before. He's just doing it for Howard because he digs him so much.
Howard and Robin talked about the guy who reconstructs women's vaginas and said he'd talk more about that when he gets back from the break. He went to break a short time later.
Howard tried taking some phone calls but the phone system wasn't working correctly. He got so pissed he said he might just have to go home at this point. He's tired of the crap he has to go through with that crap there. He said no one was running in to help him either and management was only there to censor him. He said they're good at telling him what he can and can't say on the air.
Scott the Engineer came in and fixed whatever the problem was. Howard asked him what it is that causes that problem. Scott said there's a button that must have gotten pressed and it popped up when it should have been down. Howard told Scott that he has defeated him single handedly, not some other morning crew, it was Scott. Howard said Scott was smiling over that. Howard said that Scott reminds him of Uncle Fester.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he hopes that Howard sticks around in radio for a long time. Howard said he's got 2 years and 10 months left and he's out after that. He said he's tired of all of the crap there. He said he was dead serious. He said he knows that there are tons of imitators out there that people will be able to listen to. He figures that when he's gone, all of those imitators will ruin radio and management will get sick of that style of radio and ruin it all. Howard said he's got plans to develop some scripts when he gets out of radio.
Howard mentioned Dave Grohl again and talked about the song he was going to be singing. He said he was supposed to sing ''My Hero'' but he changed his mind. He spent a few seconds on that and then took some more phone calls. A caller told Howard to check out tracks 3 and 4 on the new Foo Fighters album. Fred played ''Hey Johnny Park'' for Howard and then went into track 4 but Howard bailed a few seconds into it.
The caller told Howard that The Losers sounded great yesterday. Howard said they really worked well together on that. They also talked about the Eddie Van Halen interview and what a mess that was. He said he didn't know what was going on but he got a lot of positive feedback about the whole thing. He said he had no idea what those guys were up to that day. They talked about Eddie walking all over the studio and not paying much attention to what was actually going on. He was getting up and handing him his guitar in the middle of the interview. There were some other things that he handed him as well.
Gary said that Kinison used to wander around the studio but he was never as bad as Eddie was. Eddie wasn't even able to stay on the microphone. Gary said that Eddie would get up and look for stuff while his brother was talking and things like that. Howard blamed himself for a crummy interview but Robin said it wasn't his fault.
Howard asked Jackie if he could do the drums. Jackie said the best he could do is give it a try. Howard asked John what's up with the British accent. John didn't have an explanation other than the fact that he was trying to sing too fast.
Howard was playing some of their performance and ended up getting pissed off about the crappy equipment they have there. He said they have this rinky dink studio and it's like they're waiting for the show to be successful before they get something bigger. He was complaining to Tom Chiusano that he wanted some instruments ready to play this morning but he couldn't make that happen. Tom said that if they wanted their own equipment they'd probably have to pay about ten grand. Stuttering John and Fred said it wouldn't be that much, they could do it for probably three grand.
Howard told Tom he has no business being there and should be out growing stuff for a living instead of running a radio station. Howard told Tom he's done with him when his contract is up in 2 years and 10 months. He said he needs some lame morning show to deal with instead of his. Howard and the guys started goofing on Tom about the Greaseman fiasco and did their impressions of that guy for a little while. Howard said that guy was a pisser and he can't believe that New York and Philadelphia rejected him.
Howard said he's pretty sure that the Greaseman got a lot of money working there. He said he knows that it's because he makes a lot of money that The Greaseman got a lot of money. Howard said that when he got kicked off the radio in Washington DC, he was making about $85,000 and when the Greaseman replaced him, they gave him $200,000. Gary said it is weird when it comes to figuring out what he's worth. Howard said that he didn't start making any good money until just recently. He said the guy that's going ''Gobble, geeber goober'' (Greaseman) is getting paid almost as much as he is. There's something wrong with that.
Howard said he got a note from Gary last night about some legal issues they were having there. He said that no lawyer has ever agreed with him on anything. Tom said that's not true but Howard didn't believe it. Tom said he was just trying to get a second opinion on a decision he had made during the show. Howard told him to get his opinions from Robin from now on instead of from a lawyer. Howard kept saying that he's done in 2 years and 10 months and he's going to blame Tom for that. He said if Tom is still there, he won't stick around.
Howard told Tom that he has seen the mountain top and he will be out of there when his contract is up. Tom asked him to please go to commercial break. Howard said he wasn't going to do that until he left the studio. He went into a Martin Luther King Jr. impression and said he can't wait until he's ''free of Tom, Free of Tom... Thank God almighty... Free of Tom.''
Gary asked Howard if he is depressed about this job. Howard said he really is and nothing makes him happy. Gary asked him who the best radio show guy is. Howard said it's him but that still doesn't make him happy. Robin said that there is no rational explanation for why he's so miserable. Howard said that his father thought that everything he did was frivolous and pointless so that's probably why he can't enjoy anything in his life. He said that he's gone to the shrink and talked about this stuff and his shrink has pulled his hair out over it.
Howard said he had to go to break but they had a few guests coming in after that. He talked all of that up and then went to commercial.
Howard told John that his phone sounded like crap and they figured that he could afford a better phone. John was still trying to give Howard some advice about therapy but Howard didn't seem to want to hear it from him. John said that his life is a mess but he's trying to get things going. He just had a hip replacement and he's also lost 30 pounds. Howard told him it was good to hear from him and let him go a short time later.
Howard thought he was saying that he could bring back the hymen but Dr. Matlock said he can't do that. Howard asked him how many of these he's done. Dr. Matlock said it's probably over 1000 over the past 10 years. He was saying there's minimal pain from the procedure and it only takes about 6 weeks to heal. He also said that he had a woman come to him with a picture of what she wanted to look like and that's what he can do as well. Robin said she was shocked hearing this stuff.
Howard said that Robin has never had a baby so she probably stayed pretty tight down there. She said that she's pretty sure that most women aren't very pretty down there. Robin asked if there's any way to tighten up without surgery. Dr. Matlock said that is not possible. Howard asked Dr. Matlock about transsexuals and if he thinks that their vaginas look real. Dr. Matlock said they don't look real to him but he does believe that they can experience pleasure.
Robin asked Dr. Matlock if they can improve the problem with moisture down there when they do this surgery. Dr. Matlock said this has nothing to do with that. Howard asked Dr. Matlock about queefing and if he knew anything about it. Dr. Matlock said he had no comment on that. Howard asked him if he's ever operated on his own wife. He said he never did that.
Howard said this is a fascinating thing but also said that maybe women are supposed to be loose down there after having kids. Dr. Matlock said that they should be allowed to tighten women up down there if they're looking for a sexual gratification.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he doesn't believe in what this guy is doing. He said there's no way to know what's supposed to feel right. Dr. Matlock and Howard disagreed with the caller. Howard said that when a woman is younger, it's a much better fit down there so he agrees with what he's doing. Robin said she didn't understand how the laser tightened it up. Dr. Matlock tried explaining a little bit and said that it tightens up the outer third of the opening as well. The caller on the line asked if it changes the flavor. Howard and Robin just laughed.
Howard asked Dr. Matlock about the cost of this procedure and found that it ranges quite a bit from $4,000 on up. Howard thanked Dr. Matlock for calling in and said that there's nothing like being with a 17 or 18 year old. He was trying to remember what that was like from when he was a kid.
Howard interrupted and said that all kids look around their parents room for that kind of stuff. He said if his kids looked around, they'd find all kinds of weird stuff. Gary came in and said that he went to a friend's house where they found the kid's parents sex toys. That led to the guys talking about the books and stuff that their parents had in their houses.
Gary told a story about how he and his friend found the stag films that the kid's father had. His mother came home and saw them watching them and ended up cutting them up with scissors.
Howard got back to Trina and asked her about that first time using the vibrator. She said it was kind of tough for her to get it in there but she gave it a try. Then her mother caught her putting it back in the drawer. Howard said he used his parent's vibrator to massage himself and said that he's pretty sure that's all they used it for as well. Howard ended up bailing out of the call with Trina because she kept rattling on about things that he just didn't care about.
Howard said he was reading about Dave Grohl in the research they did and he found out a lot of stuff. He said that a lot of fans blame Courtney Love for Kurt Cobain's death but the cops didn't seem to think she had anything to do with it. There was also some other stuff about Courtney that made it seem like a lot of people hated her. He thinks that there might be a lot of crap out there from fans who just don't like her. He didn't know that the fans were still questioning Kurt's death.
Howard and Robin spent a short time talking about that stuff. Gary told Howard that they had the farters standing by out there. Howard said they had to get to that as soon as they took a break.
Howard said that he knows this guy who delivers stuff to the station and he had to park about 3 blocks away and cart his delivery there on a hand cart. Gary said that Larry King was there trying to get through the parade but they wouldn't allow him to cross the street. Gary said that they actually let him drive down the street the wrong way when he pulled out of the garage.
Howard said that he knows a woman who just doesn't come into the city on parade day because it is such a nightmare. Robin was saying that even second avenue was a mess from the parking of the cars all over the place. Gary also pointed out how the city has to have extra police coverage during the parades.
Howard took a couple of phone calls. Some people brought up the St. Patrick's day thing and others were talking to Howard about his therapy.
Howard had Augie try to perform for them but he was having some trouble getting them out. They were all silent at first. He was able to get one out that they could hear.
Next up was this guy Lampie who had a bit of a British accent. He said he was actually there as an illegal immigrant. He said he's got to get out of the country soon before the INS finds out. Augie interrupted and said he had a fart so Howard let him let that rip. Lampie then tried to get one to rip but it didn't work. Augie let out another one but it was pretty weak.
Next up was Matt who had a tattoo on the side of his head. Howard had him try but he wasn't able to get anything to come out either. After him was Darren. Howard told him he needs someone who can perform under pressure and blast away in this chick's face when she comes in. Darren tried to fart but he wasn't able to do anything either. He said he had some food last night that should have helped but it wasn't working.
Howard went to this guy Chris next. He's only 19 years old. Chris looked very confident according to Howard. Chris tried to fart but he let out a pretty lame one. No one was able to perform for them this morning. Chris was struggling to get something to come out but it wasn't working out for him. He said he had a bit of a blockage there at the end of his tunnel there.
Lampie said he had one to blast but when he tried again, nothing came out. Augie ran up and tried again but nothing came out of him either. The guys all said they were nervous. Howard had to go to break in the middle of that.
Howard said that he read that channel 5 there in New York had just bought the rights to Seinfeld from channel 11 and it was some ridiculous amount of money from what he heard.
Howard said he's a huge fan of Dave Grohl's and Gary told him that he's a big fan of Howard's as well. Howard heard that Dave was in a fight with the lead singer from Bush. Gary explained what he had heard about all of that and it didn't seem to make much sense. it had something to do with Gwen Stefani and the guys in Bush.
Howard said that Dave brought his drummer Taylor Hawkins with him this morning. The original drummer was kicked out of the band from what he heard. Gary said that's because the guy loved the lime lite and the rest of the guys don't. Gary had some notes about Dave so he and Howard went through some of that stuff. Dave almost joined Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers after Nirvana.
Howard told Gary to just get Dave in there instead of just talking about him like he wasn't there. Dave came in a short time later. Dave told him that he was way off on a lot of the stuff he was talking about. Dave told Howard that he can't score with chicks, he's no good at that stuff. He said he never got Gwen Stefani like they thought he did. Howard pointed out that Dave cut his hair and he really thought he looked good with the shorter hair. It was making him think about cutting his hair shorter. He told Dave that in the past he looked kind of like Underdog Lady but now he looks cute.
Howard said he's afraid of cutting his hair because it's so much a part of who he is now. Howard said that he used to cut his hair shorter when he was younger but then he'd have to grow facial hair to balance it out. Dave told him to go for the cut and make it shorter. Howard asked Dave about cutting his hair and if he had to come up with new moves since he couldn't shake his head anymore. Dave said he did have to come up with some new moves.
Gary said he thinks he found the real story about Dave and Bush. He read the notes about how Dave had dated a chick in the band Veruca Salt. They were on tour with Bush and Dave thought something might have been going on between Gavin from bush and Louise from Veruca Salt so that led to the weird stuff. Dave started to get into that but Howard was talking about how good looking Taylor is. He spent a minute on that before Dave got back to his story.
Dave said that he wasn't a fan of Bush's music and he let one interviewer know his feelings. Gavin ended up opening up the paper and saw his comments so that's what led to this little battle of the bands. Howard said he likes the video that the guys did for ''Everlong'' where Taylor is dressed up as a chick. Taylor didn't seem so thrilled about it but said it did let him get into his feminine side.
Dave told Howard about how he grew up playing guitar and how he ended up playing drums because the drummer friend he had just sucked. Howard asked him about the song ''My Hero'' and if it was about Kurt. Dave said it was loosely based on him but it wasn't completely about him. Dave asked Howard why he's not in a band. Howard said he has a band now, The Losers, and also had Electric Comic Book when he was a kid.
Howard said he just found out a couple of 15 year old girls had just showed up to meet Dave so he'd bring them in later. He asked Dave more about ''My Hero'' which he kept calling ''Hero.'' Dave said that when he was in Nirvana it was Kurt who was writing all of their songs. Dave wrote some but he said that Kurt's were much better.
Howard figured that when Kurt killed himself, he'd never hear from the rest of the band ever again. Then Dave went out and recorded the first Foo Fighters album and it was pretty amazing. Dave said that he wasn't sure that he'd be able to go through a big band again. Howard asked him what he did when he heard that Kurt was dead. He wondered if he freaked out and wondered if he'd ever work again. Dave said it was kind of crazy. He said it was hilarious that they were out making the kind of money they were making when they hit big.
Dave told Howard about how he was let out of the contract with Geffen after Kurt's death. He said they asked him if he wanted out and he said yes because he really didn't think they were going to keep working. Dave said that he went down and recorded the album himself and made 100 copies for friends. Then a record company guy heard it and ended up signing them. Dave said he's on his own record label but it's distributed by Capitol records. He said he can make more money being on his own label so that's why he did it that way.
Howard asked Dave about that guy Krist who was in Nirvana with him. Dave said he's happy doing what he's doing. He said he jammed with Krist after Kurt's death but he went on to do some other things. Howard joked that he had some new song from Krist's new album and it was just a retarded guy singing.
Howard asked Dave about the rumors that are out on the web about Courtney Love having something to do with Kurt's death. Dave said he doesn't get into that stuff, he doesn't believe it. He said that he and Courtney get along but he really hasn't spoken to her in a long time. Dave said that he's very laid back when it comes to that stuff. That led to Howard talking about the Van Halen interview from the day before and how weird that was.
Howard talked to Dave about this marriage he was in for a couple of years. Dave said he was kind of young when he got married but he is kind of a relationship type of guy. Howard asked him if he can go to a bar and pick up a chick who really doesn't know who he is. Dave wasn't sure about that.
Howard took a call from Jim from the Bloodhound Gang who used to be an intern for Howard. Howard said this guy had sort of a hit song. Dave knew who Jim was. Jim said that he was on tour with Bush and Veruca Salt and he'd met Louise shortly after Dave had broken up with her. He said that he went into a studio where they were hanging out and Louise freaked out when a Foo Fighters song came on the radio. He said she went nuts and yelled at him to turn it off. It sounded to Howard like Dave had broken that chick's heart. Dave said that wasn't really the case. He said it was pretty heavy business at the time.
Howard took another call from a woman who said that she heard that Dave got Winona Ryder. Dave said no but Howard said Taylor was shaking his head yes. The woman said she heard that he was with her after meeting her at the MTV awards. Dave said he was going to plead the 5th on that. Dave said he did meet her and became friends with her. He said they're just friends and they were seen together at the awards. Howard figured he had seen her naked but Dave said maybe in the movies he did.
Another caller said that she saw Dave down in Philadelphia which was one of the last shows that Pat Smear played with the band. Howard said the dude was weird. Dave said that he wanted the guy to stay in the band but Pat didn't want to be in it anymore so he left. The woman on the phone asked Dave if they were going to be playing in the city or something. Dave said they're just out doing press because they're taking a break from touring for a couple of weeks. He said he actually went out and interviewed Jimmy Paige.
Howard took another call from a woman who said that she heard that Dave had seen her in a picture and asked about her. Dave didn't know what she was talking about. Howard hung up on her and asked Dave about the 15 year olds who showed up. Gary said that they just showed up there so he was going to bring them in. He came back in a short time later but one of the girls said she was 17. She said that she's a big fan of Dave's and Foo Fighters. Howard told them that they can't have sex with Dave because they're underage. The one girl said that she didn't really notice Dave when he had the long hair. She took notice when she saw him with his hair cut. There was a 15 year old with the 17 year old. She said that she was just friends with this girl, she's not as big of a fan of Dave's as she is. The 17 year old said she has pictures of Dave in her wallet and he's her idol. She said that she likes that he's talented and he's not just a pretty face. She told Taylor that he's pretty cute too.
Howard asked the 17 year old if she has any other rock stars hanging on her wall. She said that she does but Dave is prominent on the wall. Howard told her to say what she wanted to say to him. She said that he's the only guy she would say ''I Love You'' to. She also asked for a hug and a kiss from him but Dave said that he's kind of paranoid about germs and stuff. Howard asked her if she would give up her virginity to Dave. She said she would have to think about it but probably would.
Howard let the girls go and told them that they could hug Dave later. He said that they're on the verge of discovering their womanhood. Dave thanked them for that but also thought it was kind of weird that the girl carried 5 picture of him with her. Dave asked Howard what ever happened to Kenneth Keith Kallenbach because he was so great on the show. Howard said he'll bring him back and if they had known he was a fan, he would have had him in today.
Dave told Howard that he grew up in Washington DC and that's where he's moved back to. Howard told him that he likes his music because it makes him depressed. Dave wasn't sure that was a good thing but Howard said music is the only thing that can bring out the emotion in him. He said he feels sad listening to ''My Hero'' and Dave thought that was kind of cool. Fred played some ''Everlong'' and Howard said that it made him sad even if it wasn't supposed to be a sad song.
Howard asked Dave how he writes songs and stuff. He said he just does them in his head. He wondered if he was angry with his parents for not giving him music lessons. Dave said his parents are great and he did have about a year of guitar lessons. Howard told him not to get too happy because he'd get upset if that happened.
Howard asked Dave to perform a song for him before they went to break Dave got a guitar and tuned it up a little bit. He took his headphones off because he preferred to play it that way. Howard played some of his childhood band Electric Comic Book for Dave before he played though. Howard said the song was about LSD and it was called ''Psychadellic Bee.'' Dave found it hard to believe that it was actually Howard singing in that song. Howard said that the band Sugar Ray took that song and remade it. He played that for Dave as well. Dave said that's something that he would have listened to when he was 15 years old.
Howard talked to Dave about using Acid and Dave said he loved that stuff but he quit using drugs when he was about 20 years old. He said he hasn't really done anything since that age. He said he was getting paranoid using drugs so he gave up on it.
Howard asked Dave what he was going to perform for them this morning. Dave was going to sing some song that he didn't know so Gary yelled in that he should do Everlong. Dave said this was the first time that he'd ever performed it acoustically. He went right into the song and did an amazing version of the song. After he was done Howard said that was great and it had given him chills when he heard it. Dave said he had never done it like that before. Howard told him it was good and he should do it more.
Howard asked Dave how he writes a song like that. Dave said it does usually start out acoustically like that but it turns into a rock song. Dave said that they have a great band now with all of the guys who are in the band. He said that Taylor is a big Queen fan and it brings a new element to the band.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked about the two girls who had shown up and why they weren't in school. Howard told Gary to ask them why that was. Dave said he was also wondering about that. Another caller asked if the song ''February Stars'' was about Kurt Cobain. Dave said it really wasn't.
Howard took a call from a 14 year old girl who said she's a huge fan of the band. She asked Dave why there's not a picture of the whole band in their first album. He said they were just fooling around at first so he didn't bother. He later added their picture when they got together and got serious. Howard noticed the tattoos that Dave had so he asked him about them. Dave showed those off and then Gary came in and told them that the two girls had cut class to get in there this morning.
Howard let some more callers ask Dave some questions. One guy saw Kurt hit a security guard at a show one time. Dave told that story since he remembered it so well. He said they actually finished playing after they had done that. Howard wrapped up a short time later after thanking Dave and Taylor for coming in.
Stuttering John said that it's gotten kind of weird because things get so tense out in the hall. He said that they've worked together for 10 years but they won't talk to each other. Robin said she just doesn't hear Jackie. Jackie said he's not even sure what he did wrong. Robin just laughed at him and asked if she has to talk to everyone. Howard said she was talking to Dave Grohl. Robin said that's because she likes him.
Howard said he loves that band the Foo Fighters. Robin said it was amazing that he just sat down and played the song the way he did.
Howard said that his old college friend Andrea was there to sit in during the show. He said that she's maintained herself very well over the years. Howard asked Jackie what he thought. Jackie said that his opinion doesn't count. He then said that Andrea was very attractive though.
Howard said that there have been some women in his life who didn't turn out all that great. Andrea brought up how she and Howard had been on the same flight last week. Andrea said that she got on the plane and found out that the movie on the flight was Howard's movie ''Private Parts.'' She said she also had a guy come up to her and ask her if she wanted to have anonymous plane sex with him. She said she wasn't even looking that good at the time.
Andrea said that the guy was a white guy who was also a tan and good looking Jewish guy. Howard asked her how he makes that kind of conversation. She said it was all normal until he asked her if he could be frank with her. He said that he had an overwhelming urge to touch her breasts. He then said that she knew that she wanted to have anonymous plane sex with him. She said that he grabbed her outside the bathroom later and said that it was their last chance to do it. She said if he asks enough she's sure that he must be able to find someone who will actually do it.
Howard said that when he saw Andrea on that plane he knew he should have banged her when he was in college. Andrea said when they landed in New york she saw some guy on a walkie talkie and wondered if that was the guy who had loaded his luggage. Howard said he can't go back to living a normal life now that he's had stuff like that going on in his life.
Howard said that he thought that he could have had Andrea in college and that she was probably really good in bed. He said she used to come and watch him do his college radio show. She said that he was the only one who knew what he was doing on the air in her opinion.
Howard asked Andrea about the movies she's been writing. She said that as soon as she gets one made, she will let them know. She's written quite a few but none of them had been made yet.
Howard talked to Andrea about their college days and he remembered watching her walk around. She didn't have much of anything to say about that. Andrea told Howard and Robin about this movie idea she had and after hearing the idea Howard said it's no wonder she hasn't sold any movies. She said that she's working on a new project that's kind of a secret at this point. She also talked about how she's never been married before and how she has a friend who has been married 3 times. Howard figured she was just waiting for him.
Howard asked her if she has ever thought about him while touching herself. She said she has thought about him but only when he brings that stuff up in front of her. Howard asked her if she's into ''everything'' as far as sex goes. She wasn't sure what he meant by that but Howard thought she did. He figured he'd even be able to bring another girl home for her and she'd be fine with it. He had to take a break a short time later.
Howard went off on Gary for not getting it close enough. Howard had some of the other guys try ripping some farts and this one guy, Bill, was able to blast a few. Jackie said he thinks he may have ''dotted the I'' with some of those farts. Howard said that Bill is a guy they can have come in to fart on this chick they have coming in. Then Chris came and blasted out a fart. He said he was able to go into the bathroom and suck in some air to blast out.
Howard had Chris blast out another one and then said that he's going to have both Bill and Chris come in to blast away when they have this chick in there. Bill tried to blast out another one but he had some issues with possibly crapping his pants. Howard told him to go for it and just let it come out. Dwight tried to fart again but said he had just pissed his pants trying to hard.
Howard had Robin get to her news after that. She ran through her news stories and Howard ended the show around 10:30am (Master Tape Theatre time).
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