Howard started off the show saying that some people thought they were going to be off today, but they're not. He was reading that over at SternFanNetwork. There were a bunch of other things he was reading about over there too. There were some pictures of him in the paper over the weekend so they were talking about how he shouldn't wear a leather jacket. He said he was wearing a t-shirt but Beth told him to bring the jacket just in case it was cold in there.
Howard said he has big news for everyone. He mentioned that the show has been streaming this weekend and he was checking it out over the weekend. Gary had a friend who was listening to the show while over in India. Howard was listening and said that he likes that once you log on, you don't have to keep entering your password. You can save your password.
Howard read some notes he had about the streaming and one of the points they made was that they predicted they'd have the streaming up by June and they actually did have it up by then. Howard said that's not something you brag about, it's something they came through with and that's it. He said you can get to the streaming through Sirius.com or through his web site, HowardStern.com.
Howard said that if you have a subscription for SIRIUS, you have a log-on password to get online. If you don't know your user name and password, they say to go to Sirius.com/customercare and contact them to send you a password.
Howard asked Richard where his prank call was that he made using the George Takei audio clips. They found that for him and let him know where it was but Howard took a phone call before getting to it.
King of all Japs brought up the streaming thing and talked about how cool that is. Howard said they're talking about how great it is over at SFN as well. King said it's almost like having real radio now that you can ''tune in'' in any building that has internet access.
King asked Howard if he and his crew would like to go on a crime tour where they'd look at all of the places out in the Los Angeles area where famous people have died. Howard ended up goofing on the whole idea of going on a tour like that. He and Artie were talking about how there is an interest in stuff like that but they're not into it themselves.
Howard said he'll probably be sitting by the pool at the Four Seasons hotel instead of going on a crime tour. Howard also mentioned David Spade during that discussion and Artie said that he heard from Spade over the weekend. Spade is happy that he and Howard are friends again. Robin said she hasn't seen his ''The Showbiz Show'' yet but she wants to check it out. Artie said it's a very funny show.
Howard said out in Malibu the celebrities can walk from house to house and other celebrities will let you in. He said he was out in Malibu one time and his friend Richie told him they could just walk up to some hot chicks and get invited to their place. They did that and got invited into a party where there were a bunch of celebrities.
Howard said David Spade bought a place out in Malibu and has people stopping by his place all the time. He said Spade told him how much the place cost out there and it's a lot of scratch, but it's also like a pussy magnet. He said he didn't want to say how much the place cost but it was a lot.
Howard said that there are some areas of Malibu where they have more property but some of them are like little bungalows that are about 3 inches apart. It's a constant party out there though so it's pretty nuts.
Artie said that there are a lot of people who seem to have SIRIUS already because so many people talk to him about the show when he sees them. Howard said there are articles claiming that only 1.3 million people have followed his show there even though they have over 4 million subscribers now. He said there have to be more than 1.3 million fans who followed them.
Howard said he was thinking about back when he was trying to decided on wether to go to XM or SIRIUS and how the guys at XM were talking about how SIRIUS was almost dead in the water back then. Now they're 6 months into this thing and XM is falling apart and SIRIUS is more recognized than XM is now.
Howard read an article about the 1.3 million and how the ''Stern effect'' isn't as strong as it was. Howard said there are still people signing on and it's going to keep happening. He finds it funny that they think there's nothing to worry about in the terrestrial radio world.
Howard said SIRIUS took out an ad over the weekend where they talked about how they ''had the tapes'' of his old shows. He was thinking about running a bunch of the old shows during a couple of weeks in July. He was also thinking about doing a Top 500 Bits during the 4th of July weekend. He said Tim Sabean was looking at him like he was nuts because they don't have a lot of time to do that. Howard said that for the top 10 shows thing he wants to do, they'd just play the top 10 favorite shows of all time, all the way through.
Howard played a rap song that this guy has been putting together for them each week. In the song the guy mentions a ton of classic moments from the show that they'll be able to play again.
Gary came in and said that he and Tim were talking about what they wanted to do but they have a lot of work to pull that stuff. They're also not sure that the full shows would be ''great'' when they had just certain segments that they liked. Robin said that one of the greatest shows was probably the day they played Gary's tapes. Gary also mentioned the Jesus Twins and Kinison drunk with Carol Alt as a couple of the other great ones.
Gary told Howard there's another rap song from that guy whose song they just played. In this one the guy raps about the stuff they learned last week on the show. He manages to get just about everything in his song.
King of all Japs asked Howard about the 23,000 hours of tape they have and if they need someone to do it. Howard said they already have it cataloged, but they have to transfer it and get it prepped for playing. He said they may need a minimum of 4 people to do it. They have to make sure they're uncensored and go through them finding what they want to play.
Howard said they got everything from back when they were on K-Rock and they can play any of it. Howard said it mind boggling thinking about what they could do with those old tapes. He doesn't want to play them on a separate channel because he'd be competing with his own show. Artie said it would be funny if the only person who could beat his show, is his own show.
Howard said that he's going to be off on Thursday and Friday this week. He said something came up with his daughter so he's got to take off on Thursday. Artie said he was shocked when he got that news. Howard was going to do a 2 hour show on Thursday because he feels so guilty taking a day off. He even wanted to do a show later in the day or something like that. He was even thinking that they could do a 2 hour show and then he'd continue the show from his car.
King of all Japs asked Howard if they're going to play the classic tapes when he takes off this week. Howard said they're not ready to do that quite yet but they may start that in July. Robin asked Howard what they're doing on Thursday for the show. Howard said they're going to replay a recent show, then on Friday they'll have The Friday Show.
Howard said that even if they took the old shows and played them back to back on a separate channel, the shows would run continuously through the year 2008. They have so much material to play they would never get to it all. He was thinking of sprinkling classic bits throughout the day during replays of his daily show. He's not sure how they're going to do it.
Howard wanted to have Jon Hein help out with the classic tapes but he's already very busy. Jon said he's getting ready for the Wrap Up Show and Friday Show every day so he's not sure he'd have time to do even more. They have so much stuff to go through. Jon said he'll be going back, looking through stuff and find an amazing clip that he'll listen to. Jon said you really have to listen to every moment of the old shows to find the really funny stuff.
Howard asked Jon who they should get to go through the classic tapes. Jon mentioned Mutt from SternFanNetwork.com. Howard thought he had a job but Jon said that he might quit to come do that. Joey Boots was also mentioned. Jon said he's not sure what Mutt does for a living. Jon said there are other sites that chronicle the show and they could go to them. Artie mentioned MarksFriggin and said that Levy took out ads for his comedy shows so he must be making money from his site. They talked about possibly making MarksFriggin, Mutt or even Joey Boots the curator of the classic tapes. Howard also said that Mark had his integrity when they hired him to write up the shows for his web site and he wanted to go back to making nothing to keep his stuff the way it was. (Read what really happened here) They spent a couple of minutes talking about possible guys for that job.
King of all Japs said that he would come out there to do something like that. Howard asked him if he would move out there to New York to do that. King said he might do that. Howard said he'd have to think about that but he might have to have him come in. Gary said that King sends him a lot of e-mail and he's pretty in tune with the show. Sal came in and said that King has really ripped the shit out of Artie before and he thinks he hates him. King said he doesn't hate Artie, he likes him. Sal said that he's left some voice mail and he's really gone off on him before. He said the calls weren't worth playing on the air but he called Artie some names and stuff.
King said that he likes Artie, otherwise he wouldn't listen to the show. Howard asked King what kind of chicks he's banging. He said he gets chicks who want to get citizenship in the country. King was also one of the guys willing to bang Siobhan the Transsexual for the show. Howard told King he'll have to think about it.
Sal asked King how much he weighs. King said he's over 300 pounds so Sal told Howard they could do some Sumo stuff in there with him. King was saying he likes all kinds of junk food like McDonalds and stuff like that. Howard asked King if he has man tits and how many times a day he takes a dump. King said he goes maybe twice a day. He probably has man tits at that weight.
Howard said that fat people are always missing work so maybe he's not the best person for the job. Howard was also talking about how Tim was complaining that they don't have time to go through the tapes there at SIRIUS because they don't have the space during the day. Howard said he told Tim to go to corporate and remind them why they have 3.5 million more subscribers there. That should get them some space.
King asked Howard where Mike Walker is because he's been missing. Howard said he didn't go anywhere, he was sick last week and that's it. He'll be back. Sal was saying he doesn't really like the game they play. Artie said he used to feel the same way but he's come around and likes playing it and goofing on Mike.
Howard mentioned that the show is streaming now so he told people to go check that out. Robin said she's probably going to have a hard time figuring that out but he told her it's not hard to figure out.
Robin asked Howard if he heard Dice's show that he taped last week. Howard hasn't listened to it yet but he heard from some people that they didn't like it. He said he's very behind in his listening right now.
Lisa G came in with her Howard 100 News preview. Howard quickly mentioned that they have a new contest coming up called ''America's Next Wack Packer'' and people can send in tapes for the contest to his studio there at SIRIUS. The address can be found here.
Lisa G told Howard that they'll be talking about the show streaming and letting people know what to do to get going on that. They'll also be talking about Artie's trip to Vegas since Steve Langford went out there to see what was going on.
Howard asked Artie when he knew that Steve Langford was out there and if he knew that he was coming ahead of time. Artie knew ahead of time but he got one night alone out there before Steve showed up. Lisa said they'll have more on that stuff and also got in a plug for the Miserable Men show that's airing tonight on Howard 101 at 7pm.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she was having her first ''BPP'' which was a ''Blood Pajama Party'' where friends get together and taste other women while they're on their periods. Howard wanted to hear more about this so he asked the woman what they do. The woman said that the women have to be clean and they all have to be on their periods. She claims that none of them are lesbians but they do give each other oral. She said she gets off on menstrual blood and thinks Howard would get off on it too. Howard said he did that once, accidentally, and it wasn't anything that special.
The caller said that there are some minerals and things in the blood that are good for you. She said they play games and stuff with it and just have fun. She kept saying that it's not lesbianism either. The woman said she and her friends are about 25 years old and, once again, they're not lesbians. Howard asked why they don't have guys doing this stuff to them. She said that they do have boyfriends they go home to.
Howard told the woman he had to get away from her because she was making him mental. She told him to just give this a try. Howard told her he had tried it and he doesn't want to do it again. She kept going with her crazy talk so Howard hung up on her.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and asked if Dana went out Vegas with Artie. Howard heard that she backed out of going out there. Artie said that's not true. He said that she would have gone but it was way too last minute for her. She had stuff to do for the school she works at. Artie said he went out there as if they were back together so he didn't bang any hookers out there.
Howard thinks it's bullshit that he didn't bang anyone and he's probably just saying that he didn't do anyone to keep things okay with Dana. Artie told the guys how great The Palms is out there in Vegas and they may have to do the show from that place when they go out there. He said he got a tour of the place and the suite that Howard would get is the most impressive room he's ever seen in his life. Artie said he didn't get that suite, he just got a tour. There's a pool in the suite and it's just spectacular. He said it looks like you're swimming in mid air when you're in the pool.
Artie said the room costs $40,000 a night! There's also another room in the suite that has a full basketball court in it. Artie had a nice suite but not quite that nice. He was telling Howard that there were some amazing chicks hanging out there at the hotel pool. He said it was just a regular Saturday afternoon there at the hotel and there were hot chicks there. When they went to the Hard Rock in the past, they had hot chicks on Sunday's. There are also some chicks who they pay to just walk around and hang out with the players there.
Artie said he could have nailed a broad out there. She came walking up to him and sat on his lap. She didn't know who he was but knew the Howard Stern Show. Artie said she was drunk and sitting on his lap. Howard asked him if he was hard. Artie laughed and said he was at attention. Steve Langford was there and witnessed all of this stuff. He said she was hot, about 22, and was talking about getting into a fight with Paris Hilton. He said that if he could have banged someone out there, this would have been the chick he would have done.
Artie said he got the vibe that if he had made the move, he could have banged her. Howard asked Artie what's going on with him and Dana because he hasn't been with her in 3 weeks. Artie said he's involved in one of these relationships where his friends only want to hear major updates because there's so much stuff going on. Artie was ready to let loose out there but after he spoke to Dana, he figured they were back on the right road.
Artie thinks that Dana is going to let him out of therapy if they get back together. Howard said it's almost as if Dana is caving in to Artie and this can't be good. Howard told him that he won't respect Dana if she caves in to him. Artie claims he has all the respect in the world for her.
Artie got back to his trip to Vegas and said he actually won money out there. He won two grand and Steve Langford has all of that on tape. He was playing some single deck Blackjack and ended up $2,100 up for the weekend. He took everyone out to dinner that night and it cost him about $1,100. He claims he didn't have sex out there though.
Artie said he went to The Venetian for Dennis Hoppers birthday celebration. He didn't see Dennis out there though. He said they have a guy in their movie who plays an older guy in his movie. Howard said he didn't want to hear about this stuff, he wants to hear about the whores. Artie said there were none so he didn't have any stories to tell. Artie said that the people at The Palms really want them to come out there. He said that the Malouf brothers are huge fans of the show and even helped get Eric the Midget into a show out there so he could meet some of the American Idol contestants.
Artie mentioned that G4 interviewed him and they're huge fans of the show as well. Howard said that Beth's show, ''Filter,'' apparently did pretty well for them so they're happy with that.
Howard said he was out fishing over the weekend. He took boat out and threw a 20 pound weight in to keep himself anchored. He wasn't able to pull the anchor up so he had to cut the rope so he could get going. Robin said that all he really needs is a gallon jug that you can just toss in and leave behind if he has to. Artie said he went fishing with his father when he was a kid and there were fights that broke out and the whole thing was just a debacle.
Artie said that Maria Menounos was out there in Vegas and he thinks that Howard could have banged her if he wanted to. She was talking about how huge a fan of the show she is. She was actually out there because she had directed a 9 minute film about a nerdy guy who does nothing but call radio shows all day long. He said that she kind of gives a shout out to the show by throwing in an F, Marry, Kill reference in the movie. He said that the film was really funny and she did a great job directing it.
Howard said that Jenny McCarthy was lying when she was on the show about dating Jim Carrey. He said that they finally came out and admitted that they're dating right now. Robin thinks that Jenny is doing him for her career. The guys spent a short time talking about that. Howard said that Jenny was probably lying about not being with Jenna Jameson in the bathroom that time as well. If she lied about not dating Jim Carrey, maybe she lied about Jenna.
Sal and Richard called another show. Richard told the guy that the got his black cock stuck in a shampoo bottle. The guy quickly hung up. He took the next call which was a clip of George Takei. Then they called in with Ed Torian the lie detector guy asking if he's ever used the N-word. The guy then takes a music break and takes another call during that. The next call was a clip of Wood Yi that he had to hang up on.
Sal told Howard about another call where someone broke in and told the hosts that they had been ''hooked'' by Howard Stern. Howard played that call where they used some Crazy Alice clips and Artie told a story about people using the Crazy Alice stuff at the pool at The Palms. He said they were even yelling it out in the restaurant at The Palms.
Artie said there were some of these ''Baker Girls'' at the Palms who have their drinks poured down their backs, through their cracks and into the guy's mouths. Richard was saying that he hopes that their asses are clean. Artie couldn't believe he was saying that because he's almost sucking guy's cocks on the show.
Howard played a remix of Artie's performance of Ann Murray's ''I Just Fall In Love Again'' song that he did one day recently. They took that acapella version of the song and put music to it. Artie was laughing his ass off as it was playing.
Artie said he goes to visit his father's grave on Father's day. Howard thinks that's cool because his family never does anything like that. Artie said he sometimes leaves stuff at this father's grave. He knew Howard was going to goof on him about this but he said he once left an article about him getting on the show on his grave. He's also left a copy of his DVD there for him.
Artie said he doesn't visit his father's grave often enough. He said he goes maybe twice a year. He went to Dana's father's grave once as well. Howard got on the subject of the Book of Us that Dana had for keeping track of what she and Artie do. Artie said he only put one entry in that book so he doesn't know what else is in there.
Artie said that his father was cremated and his ashes are buried near his uncle. Howard said he should have kept the ashes so he could put them on his mantel or something. Artie said his mother wanted to avoid something like that and they wanted someone buried next to his uncle Frank. Howard asked Artie if he talks to his father out loud there. He said he does speak out loud and he only spends like 2 minutes visiting.
Artie said that he was thrilled over the weekend because his movie got a standing ovation at the film festival he was at. He went on to say that he told his father about that when he visited his grave. He said he was telling his father about being on the Stern Show and how they can speak uncensored now. Howard asked him if he told him about the 23,000 hours of classic tapes they have now. Artie laughed and said his father is happy about all of the stuff they have going on there now.
Howard took a few phone calls and one guy said that he saw Artie's movie on Friday night and it was great. He said the trailer sucked compared to the movie itself. Gary came in and said there was an article about Artie's movie where the guy has just one problem with the movie. The movie got a 4.5 star rating but the guy said that Artie's girlfriend in the movie is way too good looking for a guy like him. Artie said it's still just a movie and you want to have a hot chick in it. He said they portray her as a woman with low self esteem so it's not that far fetched.
Howard read an e-mail from some people who moved to New Zealand who were thrilled that the show was now streaming on the internet. He gave a shout out to the pair who are big fans down there. He whipped through some other mail about other various things on the show. He said that some people weren't thrilled with Ant's appearance last week. A lot of people liked the Crazy Alice and Artie argument from last Thursday. He was thinking of replaying that segment but he figured everyone had heard it on the replays.
Howard played a Blue Iris prank call where she tells a guy that she had lost her teeth in a radiator after her boyfriend was banging her over the hood of a car and she needed him to get them out for her. He eventually hung up on her after calling her a crazy bitch.
Howard replayed the rap song about the classic tapes he got back. Then he played the classic ''My Turban is Dirty'' prank call that Sal and Richard made to a chicken place.
Artie mentioned that the guys at The Palms told him that Eric the Midget calls them about 3 times a week asking for a job out there. That led to Gary telling Howard they had another classic bit they created back at K-Rock where they had Eric the Midget working at a Hotel for the Malouf's. Howard played that clip and then played some new voice mail messages from Eric.
In one message Eric goes off on Howard saying that he would never sign a release form to do the balloon stunt. Howard wondered why he keeps calling if he doesn't want to do the balloon thing. He still thinks that he will eventually fly on the balloons though.
Howard said the voice mails go on for over a minute and he keeps talking until the voice mail message time runs out. Eric says that Howard is wasting the time of the woman who flies people on balloons because he's never going to do it and it's just not going to happen. In another message Eric says he called the McPhee house again and told them exactly what they had planned. He said he left his number for them to call him back and maybe he'll hear back from them so he can tell Katherine that it's a bad idea for her to do the show. Robin said someone has to call Eric as someone from the McPhee household and goof on him. Howard told the guys to get on that.
Will came in and told Howard that Eric left him another message where he said he's passed a note to Carrie Underwood telling her to pass the word along to Katherine that she shouldn't do the show. Howard did his Eric impression for a short time and goofed on him.
Howard had some new Eric the Midget song parodies so he went through those quickly. One of them was to the tune of Lenny Kravitz's ''Fly Away.'' There was another one to the tune of the Popeye cartoon theme song. That got Howard going on his Eric impression a little more.
Howard asked Will about the message that Eric left and said he wanted to hear that one. Will said he thinks that Eric met Carrie in person and gave her the note. Howard reenacted what that might have been like when he handed her the note.
Steve came in a short time later and said that Artie was out there to have a good time and he was all over him the whole weekend. Artie said he told Steve what he was going to be doing out there so he had a heads up. Steve had pages of notes about Artie but he figures not much happened since he was there watching Artie the whole time. Robin said they should have sent a ringer out there to seduce Artie. Even Artie thought that would have been great.
Howard played more of the audio of Artie getting hit on by this chick. She sounded like she was about 11 years old according to Howard. Howard also thanked Steve for the excellent report.
Howard got to some more e-mail and mentioned one where a guy talked about George jerking off into towels. Howard thought that was pretty weird because someone has to clean those towels.
Howard said he had audio of George accepting a Talkers Magazine award for him but instead of talking about him, George talks about himself. Howard played the audio and Gary helped him get through it. He said that about 7 minutes into the speech George talks about his own freedoms and how he was stuck in an internment camp when he was a small child. He eventually gets around to talking about Howard Stern and accepts the award for him. Howard had to cut it off after a short time because they were kind of bored by the speech. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Later this week they'll be giving away the 50 inch plasma TV they have to give away. They were going to give it to a fan but they're going to stick with the staff and have them do something crazy to win the TV. Howard asked if anyone is willing to bang Siobhan to win the TV. If anyone is up for that, they'd probably win.
Howard also mentioned the Wack Pack contest they're holding. The winner gets $5,000 courtesy of GoldenPalace.com.
Gary came in and told about some of the strange things that the guys are willing to do to win that TV. Howard took a call from a guy how said he saw the new Superman over the weekend and thought it was okay but it could have been better. Howard didn't want to hear that because he was really looking forward to seeing it. The guy then said he'd give it an 8 out of 10 rating which wasn't bad. Artie asked him if he thought the movie was better or worse than the Christopher Reeve Superman movies. The guy didn't want to give away anything in the movie and Howard didn't want to hear any of it either.
Howard read that President Bush has signed into law the new indecency bill that raises FCC fines from $32,500 to $325,000. They are capping the maximum fines to $3 million. Howard wondered if it's retroactive because they could still ruin CBS Radio if they go back and fine them for old shows.
High Pitch Eric called in to talk about one of the stunts that the guys wanted to use him for. He thinks that he can finish jerking off on one of the guys in the studio if they want him to. Eric said he just jerked off this morning and finished.
Eric said he thinks he could finish on Will or Richard if they want him to. He said he would like a bucket of chicken so he can use the grease as lube. Everyone was disgusted by that comment. Howard let him go and moved on to John the Stutterer.
John said he can't get the girls outside of porn but he is getting laid in porn. Howard introduced Mistress Rhiannon who has Triple M breasts and only weighs 98 pounds. Howard said they look painful. Rhiannon took her top off to show the guys. She said she has stretch marks on the side of her breasts because they're so huge. She was saying that she's really not into porn, she got the implants because she was in a rock band and wanted a gimmick. She said she's not even sure how they got to be that big.
Robin said her boobs looked like basketballs on her chest. Rhiannon said they're actually softer than the implants she had before. She said she was helping to direct John in his latest movie where he bangs Devyn Devine. John told Howard that he explored both of Devyn's ''love holes'' with his tongue in the movie.
Howard asked Mistress Rhiannon about what she does and read that she has put needles in guy's balls and has lit men's body hair on fire. She said she doesn't feel any pain when she does this stuff so she doesn't mind doing it. She said that guys don't come to her for sex, they come to her for their fetishes. She said that she will let some guys beat themselves off while she watches.
Howard asked what they did to John in this new movie. Gary said it's actually not a movie, it was a photo shoot. Howard wanted to see the pictures but they weren't in the magazine yet. The magazine, Gent, isn't out yet with the pictures.
Mistress Rhiannon said that she was once asked to cut a guy's balls off but she did turn down that offer. She said the guy asked her to roast his nuts too. That's where she'd put lighter fluid on his balls and light it on fire. She was telling Howard that when guys jerk off in front of her, she makes them eat it. She said the guys will actually do it when she tells them to.
Howard read that Rhiannon will also make guys shit their pants and eat it. He read that she gets paid $3,000 to $5,000 an hour to do this stuff. She claims she has some famous people come to her and a lot of corporate people. Howard read that she has shit in client's mouths before but she said that's not true, but she has peed in guy's mouths. Rhiannon told Howard about the guys who she has made eat their own crap. She said it's disgusting but the guys are into it.
Gary told Howard that a lot of guys request ball crushing from Rhiannon as well. She said that she's got some special equipment she uses for that stuff. Howard wanted to hear more about the shitting thing. He asked her if she's grossed out by it. She said it's really gross but she's kind of used to the smell because she has worked in a convalescence home before.
Rhiannon told Howard she also makes tea out of her menstrual blood for guys who are into that. She also injects saline solution into some client's balls who want to have huge balls. She said she's not into bestiality so she turns down offers to do that kind of stuff.
Howard asked Devyn about blowing John the Stutterer and if she would be willing to do him outside of the porn thing. She said she would be willing to do that. Howard was also saying that Devyn looks a bit overweight and she must have chubby chasers coming after her. She said she does. She was talking about the plastic surgery she's had done on her face and Artie said that she looks like Steven Tyler to him. She said she's heard that from a lot of people so it wasn't an insult to her.
Devyn said that John finished right on her tits and she was able to go 3 or 4 times the day of the shoot. They were both saying that he shoots big loads. John said he shoots massive amount of cum in his loads. Howard gave the guys some plugs for the Gent Magazine photo shoot and for their web sites. You can check out Mistress Rhiannon at NJMistress.com and Devyn at DevynDevine.net.
Howard took a couple of phone calls after that and let some guys ask questions. One guy asked about a bunch of other disgusting sexual acts that he's heard about. The girls hadn't done what he was talking about. Howard asked Rhiannon about how she works and if she's a millionaire. She wasn't sure how to answer the question without implicating herself... but she then claimed that she is a millionaire.
Mistress Rhiannon told Howard about some of the other wacky things she's done to guys. She once Saran wrapped a guy to a cross and then put Ben-Gay in his pee hole with a toothpick. Howard wondered if Rhiannon dominated John the Stutterer. She said that John is more into servicing women with his tongue so that's what he did. Devyn said that John was very good with his tongue and he was able to make her orgasm when he went in vaginally with his tongue.
John told the guys that you can't get diseases from having fun. He was also saying that he rinses out his mouth with mouth wash after doing stuff like that. Howard wrapped up after that and said he was throwing all of them out of the studio.
Richard Christy came in and said that this chick's boobs are the craziest things he's ever seen. He wanted to see her do some crazy stuff with them. He brought in a banana for her to crush in there. She tried to put it under her breast to hold it but she said she'd have to open it up to crush it if they wanted her to.
Howard asked Mistress Rhiannon what kind of crazy things she'd suggest for the contest they have coming up. She was saying she could carve her name into someone's ass. Richard didn't sound interested in that. Howard gave out some more plugs and said you can get John's latest porn at BoobCo.com. You can also check out John's web site at HereCumsJohn.com.
Howard had a quick game to pay with John. He said he wanted him to say a sentence and everyone had to guess how long it would take for him to say it. He said he would have to say ''Ask not what your country can do, ask what you can do for your country.'' The guys all bet on how long that might take him. Ralph then called in and asked John what he's doing taking loads in his mouth. John then started to go off on Ralph like he does every time he speaks to him. John gets extremely pissed off when he speaks to him. Gary said that it's not much of a jump to take your own load to taking someone else's load. Howard said he would never take his own load. Ralph said he can't even kiss a chick after she's taken his load.
Howard got back to the game and asked John to repeat the line he gave him. John started to say the line and stuttered it out within 23 seconds. That was pretty fast for John so Howard gave him another one... ''One small step for man, one huge leap for mankind.'' The guys all took bets on how long they thought it would take. John got that line out in 16.4 seconds. It took him about 5 seconds to get out ''mankind'' according to Gary. John said that when he sings he doesn't stutter and some stuff does come out pretty quick. He can sing and not stutter. He demonstrated that a little bit.
Howard asked John to do one more line... ''I'm Mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore.'' The guys figured he could get that one out pretty quick. John did that one in 5.4 seconds. He had some trouble with the 'M' word. Howard gave him another one... ''To be or not to be, that is the question.'' John had a lot of trouble with the start of the sentence but he got it out in 8 seconds. Howard lost 50 bucks on that one. He went to break a short time later.
Howard decided to check in with Fred since they haven't done that lately. He played the ''Fred'' theme music and then Artie asked him a question. He said he heard that Fred got a copy of this book about Hitler and he wanted to know if it was any good. Fred said the book wasn't all that great. He said there was a lot of history in the book and a lot of preamble but it all leads up to people not wanting to comment about Hitler.
Jon said that they're going to be talking about Artie's trip to Vegas during The Wrap Up Show today. They'll also be talking about John the Stutterer's visit. Artie visiting his dad at his grave is another story they'll be discussing on the show.
Howard mentioned that he called his parents house yesterday to wish his father a Happy Father's day. He got his mother and she had to scream for him. Then Ben got on the phone and wished him a Happy Father's day and said ''There, I beat you to it...'' Howard sent his father a card and some money for the track. He heard from his dad that he had won a few bucks already. Howard told his father he loved him and appreciates him for being there for him. His father said he loves him too and then said a quick goodbye and hung up.
Howard talked about the days when he would talk to his father about money and get some advice. He used to talk about the salaries he was getting back when he was first starting out. Theses days he doesn't brag about things like he used to though. He said his mother would ask him why he needed all of that money and would tell him to slow down with it.
Howard mentioned that his parents don't like to have an answering machine in their house because it takes up so much space. He said he'd like to bring them into this century but they don't want anything to do with technology.
Howard asked Jon what he did for Father's day this weekend. He got some nice stuff from his kids and wife. Artie interrupted and said that he doesn't have a father, Dana doesn't have a father and he's not a father himself so there wasn't much going on for Father's day this weekend.
Jon mentioned that they're going to take some calls about who should be going through the old tapes that they were talking about this morning. Artie said he thinks that Mutt, MarksFriggin and Joey Boots should all do something together. Howard said he was thinking of something like that himself.
Howard had an audio clip of Connie Chung losing it on her TV show that was just canceled. Connie sang ''Thanks for the Memories'' but complained about the low pay they got to do the show and how stunned they were when their show was canceled after 6 months.
Howard said that an MSNBC show picked up on the story about Dustin Diamond's 10 inch penis. He played a quick clip from that show. JD came in and said that it wasn't an MSNBC show though, it was a syndicated show that airs on various channels. They talked about Dustin's revelation on Howard's show in that clip.
Howard found another audio clip where a reporter was talking about what was said on the Stern show. Howard said that they were just mentioned on a really annoying show after hearing that clip.
Howard said that Denise Richards seems to have turned dating Richie Sambora into a whole big thing. He had an audio clip from a TV show where she was talking about her dating Richie and making a big deal out of nothing. He said he used to think she was hot but now he just finds her creepy.
Howard replayed the audio clip he had of Britney Spears breaking down and crying during an interview with Matt Lauer. He spent a minute talking about how ridiculous it is for Britney to complain about the Paparazzi not leaving her alone after having a whole TV show about her life. He said she's also getting fatter and fatter and pretty soon no one will want to see her. He said there are people who are very famous who are able to have a private life. He had to go to break after that discussion.
Howard took a call during Robin's news from a guy who has the same type of dog that Gary has (Vizsla). He was saying that his dog has just started calming down at the age of 6 so they have a lot of energy. Since Ronnie is planning on getting one they mentioned that he probably doesn't know what he's getting into. Ronnie ended up yelling at Gary and then came into the studio so Howard could go off on him. He told Ronnie that the dog is going to need him around the house a lot and he'll be busy at Scores every weekend.
Howard read some notes about the dog and how they like to chew on things if they're left alone for any amount of time. Ronnie doesn't think it'll be a problem because he has a dog park right near his home. He said it's his business and no one else should be worried about it.
Robin brought up a story about the Forbes most powerful celebrity list and Howard was number 2 on the list. Double A called in a short time later and said that the list is bullshit because Howard has more power than anyone on that list. He said you can go anywhere in the world, mention Howard's name and get mad respect.
Howard was showing the guys some pictures of Brooke Shields in a bikini and saying that her ass looks like an 80 year old woman's.
Another Vizsla owner called in and told Howard that Ronnie has no idea what he's getting himself into with the dog he wants to buy. She said the dogs are very hyper and needy. Ronnie came in again and told Howard that he's had hyper dogs before and he knows how to deal with them. He doesn't want to hear from anyone about their problems. He also told Howard he's working on fixing his air conditioning problems in the limo so they should have that fixed soon.
Howard mentioned that there was a thread on SFN about who on the show people would want to party with and Artie was one of the names mentioned. Howard said he's partied with Artie and he's not that much fun. Robin said that she had a friend who wanted to party with Artie as well and once he saw him at her party, he wasn't that impressed. Artie as shocked by that but Robin brushed off what she said and continued on with her news.
Robin finished up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:45am.
Howard started off the show talking about his breakfast delivery. He said he got a huge bag full of utensils and all kinds of other stuff in the bag and he can't believe how much disposable stuff there is in there. He said you'd never see anything like that over in Europe. Robin said there's a lot of garbage no matter where you go, it doesn't matter what country you're in.
Howard said he had a bunch of audio clips to play so he was going to clear some of that stuff off of his computer. The first thing was a clip of Paris Hilton on Regis and Kelly's show. He said Paris is really aggravating to listen to. In the clip we hear Paris talking about her 4 dogs and how much work it is for her. She also said she has 2 kittens, 2 ferrets and 2 monkeys. She claims the house doesn't smell because they have their own cages out back.
Howard had another clip from Entertainment Tonight where they talk about Ryan Seacrest and how he's becoming the next King of all Media. Howard said that guy has no original thought, he just becomes the ''next'' everyone. Robin said Howard came up with that term ''King of all Media'' and he came up with it as a goof, but people use it as if it means something.
Howard played another clip from David Letterman's show where they did a Baba Booey joke. They pretended they got a prank call on the set and the caller yelled out ''Baba Booey'' a bunch of times. Dave pretended to get all upset about the call. Howard said it's funny how they try to act even though it's a bit he's doing on his own show.
A phone caller said that Adam Carolla was on Henry Rollins' show the other night claiming that Howard offered him a job. Howard said he's never done that so he had the guy play the clip. The caller played the clip and you hear Adam rambling a bit about getting the job where he replaced Howard Stern. Then he claims that Howard wanted him to come with him to satellite but he wasn't offered a lot of money to go there. He said he could never get a clear answer from them about the kind of money he was going to get. Howard said he was waiting to hear Adam say that he was offered a job but he really didn't.
Howard said he just heard that Adam had twins recently. He talked about that and said he really likes Adam and did make a call to Adam asking him if he wanted to do a show there on SIRIUS. He did discuss money with him and he wasn't up to that point in the discussions yet. He said he just wanted to find out what Adam wanted to do as a show but he just wanted to talk money instead of talking about the money he was going to get paid. They weren't on the same page at the time. He said he really likes Adam and he wishes him well.
Howard got back to the audio clips and replayed the voice mail that Richard Christy's father left about the cheese cake he got from his son. Howard and the guys spent a short time making fun of Richard's father's accent.
Howard had another audio clip of this basketball coach Avery Johnson getting pissed off at a reporter who was asking him about a play in the game. Avery asked the reporter what his impression was of the play. He refused to move on until the reporter answered his question. The reporter tried to ask another question and the coach was still goofing on him by telling him not to stutter.
Howard took a call from this guy Hanzi who said he was just calling in to see what was new. Howard hung up on him because he had nothing to say. He called him a ''fucking asshole'' for calling in with nothing to say. Another caller told Howard he should play some classic bits like the old Marge Schott stuff that Billy West used to do. Howard said he would like to put something together for the 4th of July weekend where they play the top 250 bits or something like that.
Howard said he asked Tim where they're at on this but he was mumbling something about it being a huge task. He said he's not sure if it's going to happen by then but the Marge Schott stuff should be in there.
A caller told Howard that he got a boombox for Father's day and it's got to be one of the best things they came up with. The caller was suggesting some other classic bits so Howard talked about how they should be able to put something together using the people who work there to pick and choose their favorite stuff. He said they have 20 years of shows, 23,000 hours worth, and they should get to work. The caller was saying that he's addicted to Howard's show like it's some kind of drug and he has to tune in to hear it.
Another caller told Howard he just started listening when he moved to SIRIUS and he had no idea what he was missing. He asked Howard if anyone there had felt the MMM titties that were on the chick who was on yesterday. Howard said no one touched them in the studio and she was the freakiest looking chick he's ever seen. They have some pictures of her up on HowardStern.com to show how freaky she looked. Artie said one word kept coming up when he was trying to describe her... ''Gross.''
Eric asked Artie what he's eaten so far this morning. That got Howard asking Artie if he ever eats any fruit. Artie said he does have melon once in a while. Howard has never seen him eat that stuff though. Eric said he was probably talking about Dana's tits. That got Howard asking Artie about what's going on with Dana these days but Artie said he really doesn't want to talk about it anymore. He said he's not even sure what's going on in their relationship at this point.
Artie said he's been getting kind of bored talking about it with her so he just hangs up and goes back to watching TV. Howard said he thinks that the relationship must be close to being over. Artie agreed and said it's running on fumes at this point. Artie said he has to go back out to Vegas in a few weeks so he may go out and have the fun that he didn't have this past weekend. He sounds very confused by everything and he's not sure what's going on. Robin told him that if they're not back together by that time then he should go out to Vegas and get laid.
Artie said he has to do just one thing out in Vegas when he goes out there so he'll spend three days there and have some fun. Howard said that Artie won't go to therapy but he will go out to Vegas to fuck some whores.
Howard said that prank call didn't work out and he looked like an asshole because he didn't get anywhere with it. He played a couple of calls that Sal and Richard have made to that guy. They were actually funny though. That led to Artie talking about how one of the guys in the Jerky Boys, Johnny, had such stage fright that they had to back out of doing a tour.
Richard said that there was a show on last night where a guy was begging people to call but he missed it and wasn't able to call in. Howard played some other prank calls that Sal and Richard have made to public access TV shows. They called into one show so much that the female host has decided to stop taking phone calls. Richard called her and pretended to cry because he was so upset that she was going to stop taking calls.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who told Artie that things are over with Dana and he should just move on. Artie asked her to please just shut up. Howard asked him how long he was on the phone with her last night. Artie said it was about an hour. He really didn't want to talk about it and asked Howard to move on.
Howard thought Artie was pissed at him because he was rolling his eyes at him. Artie said he felt like he was on The View or something talking about that crap. Mariann asked him if he wanted to go to a Yankee game with her. Artie said no way to that. He claims that he likes Mariann but he doesn't want to go to a game with her.
Howard mentioned the Wack Pack contest they have going on right now and gave out some info on that real quick. Gary then came in and told Howard about a classic tape they have where Tommy Lasorda goes off on a reporter for asking a really simple question about the opposing team after they were beaten. He rambles on and on complaining about the question. Howard played another clip of Tommy Lasorda going off on another reporter at a different press conference.
Since they were on the Tommy Lasorda thing Howard played a prank call that Sal and Richard made to a tire place using Tommy Lasorda audio clips. Gary said they had another ''sports tirade'' for Howard to play. He said it was this guy Lee Illia who was complaining about the number of people who showed up to a game. The guy went nuts yelling about his team losing and the fans booing them. He went on and on for a couple of minutes. Howard had to stop it after a while but he got right back to it a short time later.
Howard said they got a lot of mail about Gary's dog yesterday. He's got a Vizsla and Ronnie the Limo Driver is planning on getting one. A few people e-mailed talking about how Ronnie should think twice about getting one. Ronnie came in and said he wasn't going to yell this morning. He said that Howard didn't think twice about getting his dog so he's not going to do that with his dog. The dog will get plenty of exercise out where he lives. Howard told him he should buy the dog, kill it and get it stuffed. That way he won't have to worry about getting it exercise.
Ronnie said that all of this has put a damper on getting the dog so they may not even get it now. He thanked Howard for that and left the studio. Howard told Ronnie he should get a dog that can fix the air conditioning in his limo. They played Ronnie out with a song parody about him.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who said he's been listening to the show since he was in 8th grade and the show is sounding like it did years ago. He gave Artie some advice about Dana as well. Howard said he hates to rub it in but he and Beth are doing really well. Even they're wondering when the bubble is going to burst. Artie said that he and Dana were fighting after dating for just 2 weeks. Howard said he really doesn't fight with Beth. He does yell in the relationship but he's usually yelling about other people, not about Beth. Robin said that she and Mr. X go back and forth once in a while so Robin said she ignores him when he starts complaining about stuff. Howard said he had to go off on Mr. X for Robin one time when they were out to dinner.
Howard said there's a great picture of Kate Hudson on page 25 of the NY Post. He said she looks really hot these days. Artie said he thought she had blown it by having a baby but now she's looking really good. Howard was telling Artie that he should be dating someone like that. Artie said someone who grew up in Beverly Hills and Aspen isn't going to date him.
Howard whipped through the Top 5 songs which included songs like 'Bad Day,' 'Ridin,' 'It's Goin Down,' some Nelly Furtado song and ''Hips Don't Lie.''
Howard asked Robin if she's going to this dinner that he's going to. It's a charity event for Life Beat and Scott Greenstein is going to be honored there. He said Scott was freaking out wondering if he was going to show up so he's going to go. He said he's taking Thursday off to go to a thing that his daughter is part of. Then he's going to this dinner. Robin said she was going to go if they were working on Thursday but now she's going to head down to her shore house instead.
Gary came in and talked about how he had to go to a graduation ceremony for his kid who graduated pre-school. They had the kids in graduation outfits and all of that stuff. They also held it at a time where he had to take the day off. He said there are people out there who can come and go as they please at their jobs but it's no like that for them.
Gary changed subjects and talked about how Pink's latest album has tanked. Howard mentioned that Hoobastank's second album had tanked as well. Howard talked about Scott Greenstein a little more and goofed on him a bit. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
A phone caller told Howard about the F-word getting out on NBC during a sporting event last night and he was wondering if the FCC was going to fine they with that $325,000 fine that was just approved.
Lisa G came in and told Howard that they're going to have a story about Artie's photo shoot for Stuff magazine. Artie said he's been losing a few pounds lately but he knows he's still huge. Howard asked him how many times he shits every day. Artie said it's just once but it's pretty substantial when he goes. He's in a bit of a routine now and he's able to hold off until he goes home. Howard told him to carry around baby wipes like he does so he can clean himself up when he goes out on trips and stuff. Artie has a big man purse that he could carry them around in.
Howard said baby wipes are embarrassing and he hates to ask his assistant Laura about when they dry out and stuff. He said he was out over the weekend because Beth uses them to wipe the dog's folds so instead of asking Beth to get him more, he said he was going to wipe the dog's folds himself. Beth said she'd do it later so he's still not sure where the wipes are at.
Gary said he's still embarrassed to buy condoms even at his age. Howard said he's the same so he has Laura buy them for him. Gary also told Howard to get his baby wipes at Costco because you can get them 12 to a pack. He was also talking about how weird it is to buy condoms in his neighborhood where neighbors can see him. Howard said he loved these Durex condoms that were recently discontinued. He said he's got to try another type now. He said the Durex were great because he could feel everything with them.
Artie said sex with a condom is so different and he really doesn't like it. Howard said he likes using a condom because it helps him hold out longer. That led to Howard talking about the exercises he does to keep his stamina up for when he has sex.
Ralph called in and told Howard that Cottonell wipes are better than baby wipes for wiping. He said they're thicker than the baby wipes. Howard said he still wipes with paper and uses the baby wipes to finish up. Howard played a new song parody for Ralph where they goof on his new name ''Ralphie-cakes.''
Ralph said he had to buy Preparation H a few weeks ago and that was really embarrassing. He said he doesn't know why he got them. Howard told him that no one should have them, it's all from wiping the wrong way and pushing when you crap. They spent a minute on that and then got back to Lisa G.
Lisa said that Artie may have been drunk at the photo shoot but Artie said he just had a little wine that he was asked to taste, that's it. He said the wine was in a box and it was pretty brutal. He said they were playing some AC/DC during the shoot and they had a smoking hot chick just hanging around there.
Howard heard that Artie went to his movie premiere out in Vegas while he was drunk. Artie said he did walk right from the casino floor to the premiere with a drink in his hands. An e-mailer told Howard that Artie was slurring his words and stuff while talking to the crowd.
Lisa said they're going to be talking to the Wack Packers about this contest they have going on to find out if they're going to accept the new person into the group. They'll also be talking about the streaming of the show. That got Howard talking about the streaming of the show and how they wanted to do a test to see if the system could handle everyone going on at once. Howard told everyone to give it a try.
Howard talked to Lisa about working with Ed Lover and Dr. Dre back a few years there in New York City. She was talking about how they got put together and how they just hit it off. Howard thanked Lisa for the news report and wrapped up with her.
Artie said that he actually pleasured himself thinking about how Andrea looked the day she was in drunk and singing. Howard played the audio of Andrea singing that day and said that he kind of gets that because she was so out of it that day. The fact that she could remember the words to the song was kind of amazing.
Andrea said that she had a country song she could sing along to. She was in a car with her lawyer so she played the song on the CD player and sang along to it. Howard wondered if she was naked. Gary said if someone just tuned in, they'd think it was Wendy the Retard singing.
Howard asked Andrea if she was naked. She said she's not and she also said that she's not doing her lawyer. Gary was going to try and tell Howard something but Andrea started singing again. Howard had Andrea put her lawyer on the phone so he could talk to him. He asked the guy if he's banging her. The guy said that gentlemen don't talk about that stuff.
Andrea was rambling in the background and the guy wasn't giving up any details. Gary said he got the best lap dance ever from Andrea. She just volunteered to do it and went right into it and gave him the best lap dance ever. Howard asked the guy how he puts up with Andrea after he cums. The guy said that Andrea was crazy when they were in the City the last time. Howard told the guy to bang her and shut her up.
Howard told Andrea that if she bangs that dude, she could keep her title forever. Robin told her that they don't believe she loves him unless she bangs him on the phone. Howard told her to go ahead and there was silence on the phone. Andrea wasn't cooperating so Howard was going to end the call. There wasn't much going on so Howard wrapped up with them.
Howard explained what they're going to be doing in the fart contest they had coming up. They're going to measure the loudness of the farts, the length of the farts and the most farts in a minute. Will said that the green room stinks because all of the guys are farting in there.
Howard then moved on to the Fart Olympics where they had a $5,000 grand prize for the winner. Howard had the three contestants come in and then had each one introduce themselves. First up was Flex who was in his underpants. Howard said the guy is in good shape and went on to ask him how he prepared for this. Flex said he didn't have to prepare at all. He did practice a bit in the green room though. Flex said he can do this stuff constantly if he has to. Howard had him demonstrate a little bit for them and he let out some very wet sounding farts.
Gary said that his underwear is see through and you can see his rectum puckering in there. Howard asked Flex if he believes he's the best farter there. He was pretty confident but he knows he's got some competition there today. Howard read that Flex can say ''thank-you'' and ''hello'' with his ass so he had him demonstrate that. He blasted out a couple of farts but they didn't sound like thank-you or hello.
Will was wearing a mask and told Howard that he could see his whole asshole moving while standing behind him. Flex demonstrated another stunt he does where he sticks a straw in his ass and then blows bubbles in a glass of water. Flex thought he was ripping his ass as he shoved the straw in there. He thought it was too thin and said it might not work. He attempted to fart through the straw but it was hurting too bad. Howard told him to remove it and try to recover for a few minutes. Flex drank the water he was just trying to fart into.
Howard introduced Mike the Farter who had a really long beard, like an Abraham Lincoln beard. Howard asked him about his farting practice out in the green room. He asked Mike what his strongest category is. Mike said he thinks he may be able to win the ''most farts in a minute'' section. If he wins he's going to put his money toward going to college.
Howard said this will be a great competition and he's been waiting for months for this to happen. He said that when they were on Terrestrial radio, they had to stop farting on the air because they were afraid that the FCC was going to fine people for farts that sounded ''too wet.'' Howard had a fart ready to go so he interrupted the guys and let one rip into the microphone. That was a ''real'' fart, not the type that these guys were doing by sucking air into their asses and blowing it out.
Howard spoke to Will the Farter for a short time and then moved on to the contest. Howard said that there's a $5,000 grand prize for the winner today. The money was coming from GoldenPalace.com. Artie sang a little Ann Murray for the guys and Flex threw in a fart for him.
Gary started off the Olympics with the loudest fart attempt. They had a decibel meter in the studio to measure the loudest fart. First up was Flex. He tried to blast one out but it wasn't very loud. He sucked in some air and let one rip. It was a 10.5 on the meter. Mike got up next and tried to beat Flex. He sucked air in and blasted out a few before blasting out his final. He got a 10.0 on the meter. Howard was surprised at that. Will the Farter got up next and blasted out his fart. He also got a 10.0 on the meter and surprised everyone again. Howard thought it was much louder but not according to the meter.
Will the Farter took his pants off and blasted out a fart and hit a 10.8 on the meter. Will was upset that he didn't take his pants off earlier, before blasting out his ''official fart.'' Howard said the smell was getting pretty bad in there and wanted Robin to come in and take a whiff. Artie wasn't getting any of the smell yet but Howard said he was getting hit. Robin said Howard looked like he was going to throw up.
Howard moved on to the next category, with a mask on. Artie had a mask on as well but his mask was making it hard to hear him. Gary said the next event was the Longest fart event. Each guy had to prepare, then say ''go'' when they were ready to blast away. Flex warmed up and then let out a fart that lasted 10 seconds. Mike was up next and warmed up. Howard told him to make sure he lets Gange know when he wants to go. He quickly went right into it and blasted out a fart that lasted 13 seconds! Howard sounded shocked by that. Mike said he was hoping that it wouldn't stop but his ass has a mind of it's own when it comes to stuff like that. Will the Farter was next. He was looking down according to Howard and Robin. He warmed up a short time later and told Gange to go. He let his fart out slowly and lasted 18 seconds!
Howard moved on to the next event which was the ''Most Farts in a Minute'' event. Flex went up first and had to make sure he told everyone when he was ready to go. He sucked in some air and then started blasting away. He let out the short farts and hit 70 farts. He wasn't too happy with that, he was going for 100. Mike was ready to go next and said he's hoping to beat him but he's not sure he can beat it. He warmed up a little bit and then told them to go. He blasted out his short farts, sucked in more air, let out more farts and kept going for almost the full minute. He was worn out and stalled toward the end. He hit 74 farts. Jason said he counted 77 so Howard gave him 75.5. Will got up next and started blasting away. He had a couple of long farts in there and hit 76 farts. He asked Jason for his count and he had 80.
Howard crowned Will the Farter with the farting Olympics crown since he had won 2 events. Flex had some strong competition in there. He thought Mike was very strong and thought there was going to be a 3 way tie. He locked up in the most farts event with 3 seconds left. If he hadn't locked up, he may have been able to pull off a win. Howard said all three guys were great athletes and stunk up the room like a pile of shit. He congratulated Will the Farter on his win. Artie did the same and said that Will has been with them the longest but they all did great.
Howard presented Will with his $5,000 grand price from GoldenPalace.com and asked Artie to sing them out. Artie sang a Bruce Springsteen song while the guys farted along with him. All three of them got in on the farting and backed Artie up as Robin laughed her ass off. Gary said that his mask was no longer working. The guys got in a few plugs for their web sites before Howard went to break...
Howard said there were a couple of bands out there that he thought were going to make it big, like White Lion and Enuf Z Nuff, but they never went anywhere. That got him talking about the VH1 show ''SuperGroup'' and how you really want to smash Sebastian Bach's face in when you see him on this show. Howard said he hates seeing him on that show because he pisses him off so much. Richard Christy said he loves that show too but Sebastian seems like the guy who is the most motivated.
Artie said he sat next to Sebastian Bach on an airplane one time, for six hours, so that was tough to take. He said that Sebastian didn't know who he was until the flight attendant let it loose who he was. Then Sebastian started playing his music for him and sticking his headphones on his head after licking the peanut oil off of his fingers.
Howard said that Sebastian has such a big cock that he pulled it out and tied it into a knot. Artie remembers listening to that back when it happened. Bach wants to do it again for them but now they're on TV.
Artie told Fred to try and find a song by The Monroe's called ''What do all the people know.'' Fred found it in their library and played it for Howard since he didn't remember it. Howard wondered where those guys are now. It was one of those one-hit-wonder bands.
Fred pulled out a couple of White Lion songs and played them for Howard and the guys. Artie mentioned the band Modern English who are the kings of one-hit-wonders. Howard brought up the band Cinderella and how the lead singer of that band always thought he was a tough guy. They played some Ratt songs since Richard had brought them up. Richard was singing along with that song a little bit. He was also saying that Hair Nation there at SIRIUS plays stuff like that all the time.
Howard said he heard that Doug Goodstein was standing next to Richard in the bathroom and heard Richard complaining about his crotch smelling bad. Doug told him to take a shower once in a while. Richard said he went jogging yesterday and didn't shower afterward. Howard was ready to puke after hearing him talking about getting sweaty balls and smelling them.
Howard mentioned the band The Cult and talked about how great their music was. They never really made it big. Fred played one of their hit songs and Richard told Howard that Matt from that band went to Guns N Roses. The singer went to sing for the new version of The Doors.
Howard brought up a story about Sal the Stockbroker who went to a wedding and said some very insulting things to the bride. Sal came in and said he was drunk. Richard said he stuck his head under the bride's dress as well. Sal said the people enjoyed it but Howard said he thinks he's just an asshole.
Howard said he made the mistake of giving Craig his phone number. Howard asked Craig if he wanted to do his Kinison but Sal and Richard told him to do his Tracy Morgan impression. Craig said the guy is great but he's filled with non-sequiturs. He did a little bit of that impression and told some stories about Morgan and his wacky stories. He said you never know what the guy is talking about.
Craig told a story about trying to impress a girl he was on a date with by introducing her to Tracy Morgan. It was a big mistake because Tracy asked her if she was going to suck Craig's dick that night. Artie said he once played a softball game with Norm MacDonald and Tracy Morgan and the guy was just smiling and having fun talking about how the crowd was mortified watching them play.
Artie said that Tracy had his own show for a while but it's easy for people to forget who you are even when you have your own show. Richard said Craig once took Gary the Retard to a Saturday Night Live party and introduced him to some people. Craig said sometimes he doesn't have anyone to hang out with so someone has to hang out with him. Sal and Richard said they hang out with him sometimes when they do comedy shows. The last time they hung out they took him out golfing and were putting eggs down instead of balls. They taped it but haven't given it to Doug Goodstein at In Demand yet.
Craig told a story about dressing Gary the Retard up as Hitler and sending him out on stage at a comedy show. They didn't tell Bob Levy about it before the show so he was surprised when Gary walked out doing the Heil Hitler thing. Craig said they took him to the airport one time and asked him what they taught him. Gary was in the middle of the airport doing the Heil Hitler thing in the middle of the airport.
Craig said that Gary sometimes comes up with brilliant stuff and told a story about him asking KC about what kind of drink he had and if he was going to gamble with him. The guys didn't think Craig's story showed anything brilliant so they asked him to get back to his Tracy Morgan impression.
Richard said he loves Craig's impression of Paul Stanley from KISS. Craig did a little bit of that and also did his Gene Simmons impression. Sal said Craig throws in other impressions in the middle of those when they're out doing shows. Craig did his Gilbert Gottfried impression and did a little more of the Paul Stanley stuff.
Howard said he can't believe what a heart Craig has because he actually takes care of Gary the Retard. Craig thought Howard might do that but Howard said he'd probably lock him up in a closet.
Gary got an IM from Kidd Chris who said that he and Craig got Chlymidia from the same chick. Sal said that Craig is gross because he once showed his bloody finger and said that he had fingered a chick who was on her period. Craig denied that but Richard said it was true.
There was a story about Sal getting this chick to come up on stage to get spit on one time. After she did that Craig banged her. Craig said he was single at the time and was banging a lot of chicks. Sal said that he'll fuck anything he can because the chicks aren't all good looking. He said that one chick looked like Bela Lugosi.
Howard asked Craig to go into his Sam Kinison impression and do some of his material. Craig will be on Jim Breuer's show later this week doing the Kinison thing. They have comedians on to do tributes to their favorite comedian acts. Craig will close the show with his Kinison stuff.
Sal said that Craig does the Kinison scene from ''Back to School'' really well so Howard had him do that. Craig started to do it but went off on a tangent when he brought up Dice Clay. Howard stopped him and asked him to stick to the actual scene. Craig did the parts of the scene that he could remember and impressed the guys.
Howard wondered why Craig is going on Breuer's show doing his Kinison bits instead of putting together show on Broadway. That led to Howard talking about how he was thinking about making a Sam Kinison movie years ago but some people in Hollywood thought it was too soon. Howard thought that Robin Williams would have played Sam great but no one wanted to do that.
Jessica Hahn called in so Howard asked her if she would be part of this Broadway show he's thinking about. She said she could do that and she'd even clean up his shit on stage. Howard told Craig if he just stuck to the bits the show would be great.
Howard gave Craig some plugs for some upcoming shows. You can find out more details at IHateComedians.com. A caller told Howard that Craig had gotten that scene from ''Back to School'' wrong and explained what he had wrong. Howard found the audio clip from the actual movie and played that to see how off Craig actually was. He wasn't far off.
Craig did another Sam Kinison bit that they did on Saturday Night Live one time. That got the guys talking about how unbelievable it is that he's gone. Both he and Rodney Dangerfield are gone and Howard couldn't believe it. Artie remembered the day that Sam had died and how he wanted to stay up and hear Howard talk about him dying. Artie remembered details of that day and some of the jokes that Howard told that day to lighten the mood.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Craig to do his Al Pacino impression. Craig did a little bit of that and then Ralph called in and complained about him not getting the lines from that one movie right. Craig, as Sam, went off on Ralph about being 40 and not being able to get his life right.
Howard wrapped up with Craig and gave him a few plugs for his upcoming gigs and web site. He went to break a short time later.
Will the Farter called in and talked about his win from earlier in the morning. He was very happy things went down the way they did with the contest coming down to the final event. Howard told Will he was in fine form today. He congratulated him on his win and let him go.
A caller told Howard that the new streaming is great and the people where he works are trying to figure out a way to shut down the streaming. That got Howard talking about a guy who wrote in and told him how he wasn't able to get on the streaming through HowardStern.com because they block it over in Dubai. Howard said he'd glad they block it over there, it just shows that they're trying to do mind control with people over there.
The caller suggested that SIRIUS make other shows available for download for people who want to get older shows. Howard thought that was a good idea. We'll have to wait to see if that ever happens.
Howard read some mail about Artie going to visit his father's grave. Artie talked about that the other day and said that he leaves things on his grave like his DVD and an article about him being on the Stern show. The writer also said that it's funny how Artie will talk to a grave but not to a therapist. Artie said it's not only safer but cheaper to do that. The e-mailer said they speak to their parent's grave as well.
Howard read an e-mail from someone who corrected them on a comment they made about Joe Besser replacing Curly in the Three Stooges. Shemp was actually the one who replaced Curly and it was Joe who replaced Shemp. Howard said he knew that but it sounds ridiculous to say someone replaced Shemp.
Howard read through a bunch of other e-mail from fans who are now able to listen around the world since they're streaming the show now. Someone asked why Howard 100 isn't replaying the Wrap Up Show when they replay the show throughout the day. Gary told Howard that they replay that show like one time during the day, not after each show replay.
Howard read a note from someone who liked the Miserable Men Show so he figured it was just Bob Levy sending in a note about his own show.
George gave his rundown which was pretty much the same rundown that Lisa G had given earlier in the morning. He had a couple of other stories that they'd be covering throughout the day on Howard 100 News. He mentioned the Riley Martin show that's on tonight at 7pm so Howard played some Riley Martin song parodies and bits.
Gary came in a short time later and said he had a new bit for him to play. Howard played the bit where they had JD call Gary the Retard. JD told him to call Richard Christy because he wanted to talk to him. Gary called and they answered but played some voice mail clips to make him think he was lost in the voice mail system. The voice mail voice was asking Gary if he was saying really stupid things and cursing. Gary got fed up and yelled at the voice mail before hanging up.
A caller asked Howard to never play the Sam Kinison tribute song again because he breaks down and cries when he hears it. Howard said he wants that song put in the 4th of July replays.
Howard had Jon Hein give his show preview next. Jon said they'll be talking about the fart contest and about Craig Gass' visit today. Jon was talking about how great Craig's impression is and how he would go see him on Broadway if they created a show around it. Howard asked the rest of the guys if they think it would be a success. Fred said he doesn't think it would be. Benjy said it would be a success for under a year. Artie thinks that it would do well out on the road. Robin agreed.
Jon said they'll also be talking about embarrassing moments going out to a store to buy things like condoms since Howard talked about that early this morning. Howard wrapped up with Jon and George after that and let them go.
Later on during the news Howard was talking about how he has learned to control his anger over the years. He said he's feeling better now than he used to. The caller said he had tears running down his eyes. Howard got pissed and said that this guy is just like the people on SternFanNetwork who have been ripping on him about the leather jacket he was wearing out over the weekend. He went off on them for a short time and then had Robin get back to her news. They ended the show around 11:35am.
Howard started off the show talking about how depressing it was to read that Paris Hilton's new song is the most requested on radio stations around the county. He said that she's famous for nothing and people are buying into it. He read the article to Robin and talked about how the song is the number one most requested on New York's Z-100. He asked Fred if they still had the song somewhere.
Howard played a song that he thought was the number one most requested. It was a song parody about Ralph called ''Ralphie Cakes.'' Fred pulled out one of her other songs that they actually had in their library. They goofed on that for a short time. Howard found the new single ''Stars Are Blind'' and played that as well. He said that she sings like she talks and he really just hates her.
Howard said he was reading e-mail from people who were upset that he was being so complimentary about Kate Hudson earlier this week. He said that just because he thinks she's hot doesn't mean that he's into her. He thought that Paris was hot too but he's not into her.
Howard once sat next to Paris Hilton at a basketball game and had his picture taken next to her. He wasn't into her then and he's not into her now.
Howard said that Robin was being kind of judgmental of Artie when he was talking about going to visit his father's grave the other day. She claims that she wasn't being judgmental, she was goofing on him. Artie reminded Howard that he was doing the same thing. Robin said that Artie is visiting the remains of his father. He could make that up at home if he wanted to. Artie said it's not unusual for people to visit a grave though. Howard agreed with him and asked Robin if she's ever visited a grave to remember the people like going to the Vietnam memorial. She's never done it and neither has Howard.
Artie said he went down to the Vietnam memorial one time and it was very moving to see all of the names on there. Robin said that's just as bad as the people throwing flowers at Princess Diana's house.
Howard got back to the story about Paris' song being such a hit. Howard said he doesn't want her to have any success. She doesn't deserve it. He said it must be amazing to get that kind of attention for being a nobody. Robin said there are women like this who come around every few years and they eventually go away. She said that Paris does have the look that so many other girls don't have so that's one reason she gets so much attention.
Howard said that on the cover of Maxim magazine is Jessica Simpson who is looking really hot, almost Cindy Crawford like. He said he's pretty sure he wouldn't be able to have a conversation with her.
Artie asked Howard how long it takes him to put a condom on. Howard said it's about 3 seconds. That led to the guys talking about Dustin Diamond (Screech) who was in talking about his 10 inch cock recently and complaining that wearing a condom actually hurts him.
Howard read that The Today Show hasn't lost any ratings since Katie Couric left the show. He defended her saying that viewers don't just go away immediately for morning TV shows. He said there's still going to be hype around the new host and stuff like that. He said the people writing about the shows like that don't seem to know what they're talking about.
Robin asked what was going on with Dan Rather yesterday when he announced he was leaving CBS. Howard thought he didn't really say anything bad on the air but Robin thought he had said something nasty about the network. Howard said he'll have to hear the tape himself.
Robin brought up last night's basketball game so the guys spent a short time talking about that. Howard asked Artie about Mark Cuban and how he's so disliked that it seems like the refs will go back and penalize the Dallas Mavericks before doing anything to other teams. The guys spent a short time on that.
Jon Hein was in the studio so he talked about how JumpTheShark.com was created and how it all got started. It was way back in 1997 and it's kept growing since then. He said he gets about a million unique visitors per month on the site so it's not all that huge but it's not all that small either.
Howard said that a site that gets that many visitors is pretty good because it would be like having a million subscribers to a magazine and that's pretty rare. He was also saying that having a few million people subscribing to satellite radio is really huge because even magazines don't get that many subscribers. Howard was impressed with Jon's traffic.
Jon said that he got a call from Gary years ago asking him to come on after Fred found the web site through and article he read. Jon said the site was never his day job, it was just something he did in his spare time. He said it was never his intent to make money off of that site. Howard said even getting into radio for him wasn't all about money. He never thought he'd be making the kind of money he's making now.
Jon said that he did a pilot for TV Land a couple of years ago and TV Guide knew about that. Jon said he got a call from them late last year and they went back and forth trying to work out a deal with him. He said he didn't want to leave the Stern Show but TV Guide wanted to hire him to run the web site full time. He's been having a good time there at SIRIUS so he doesn't want to leave that.
Jon said that a lot of people are handling the news in different ways. He said that Scott DePace came to him and congratulated him. Then he came back a few minutes later and said he wishes that he'd come up with a dumb idea that would make that much money. That led to the guys goofing on Scott about his Video Caddy since he's been pushing that for a long time.
Scott DePace came in and said that he really did get jealous thinking about the news about Jon. He still thinks his golf caddy is a great idea. Howard said that people like Scott should do things with a passion instead of expecting money from it.
Howard changed subjects and said that he was talking to Beth about how Robin has been Jet Skiing. He talked to Robin about that and said that she's nuts for doing something like that because she can't swim. Robin said that she's not going to allow anyone to video tape her anymore. She was turning it around on Scott DePace saying that he should invent some kind of video recorder tape that would attached a camera to a jet ski.
Artie wondered why people are upset that Jon is making money off of that web site. Howard said he was kind of mad thinking about it. Will came in and said that they weren't mad at him, they were just busting his balls. He said he's happy for Jon, there is no anger there. Will had made a comment about how Jon could buy a personality with that money.
Jon asked the guys to guess who gave him the coldest reaction when they were told about the deal. Artie asked if it was over a million bucks but Jon said he can't talk about exactly how much it was. The guys guessed that it was Scott the Engineer or Sal who gave him the cold reaction. It wasn't them, it was Ralph. Ralph said some things to him and asked how long it was going to be before he leaves his wife and kids and things like that. The guys spent a short time talking about Ralph's reaction. Jon said he thinks Ralph felt good for him deep down but he kept saying things to him like ''anyone could have come up with that idea.'' and things like that. Jon said that anyone could have thought of it, but they didn't, he did.
Jon said that the guys who helped him start the site are happy for him and they even say that they wouldn't have done what he did with the site. He said he gives full credit to his friend who came up with that ''Jump the Shark'' term.
Howard said that he's been running this thing all along so he wondered if he still does that. Jon said that someone at TV Guide will eventually take over the daily chores of the site so he'll be freed up to do some other things. He said that TV Guide will eventually add their own content and that will make it even that much better.
Jon said that he's feeling really weird about the whole thing and admits that he's selling out and this is the definition of selling out. Howard asked him how they came up with the numbers for the site and it's the branding of the site that's the big value there. He said that he had a number in his head about what he would take to sell it. He said they really wanted the site and responded to that number and came through for him.
Jon said that he's had people help the site over the years but not really any staff, it's only been him. Howard wondered if selling the site to a big corporation will ruin a site like that. Jon said they want to leave it the way it is so they're looking to keep it looking the same. Howard wondered if they will be able to keep the site the way it is even if they're bashing shows that are owned by FOX since he's got a hand in the TV Guide thing. Jon said they've told him he can keep doing what he's doing.
Howard wondered if TV Guide has to release the numbers that they paid Jon since they're a public company. Jon said they're putting out a press release today and they say that the terms are not going to be disclosed. He said he was paying $500 a month for hosting and that was the big cost of the site. Other than that it was the amount of time he had to put into it.
Jon said his wife always supported the site throughout the years. He also said he got about 5 offers to buy the site over the years. He said he would never sell it for stock options like he was offered.
Gary came in and said that Jon has 2 kids and he was talking about his schedule. He has to go home to see the two kids, watch TV, update the site and it's really a lot of work. Howard talked about how guys like Jon are out there working hard to support their kids and that's what comes back to bite them in the ass.
Jon said that he will pay off a home equity loan he has and put money away for his kid's college and things like that. He's not going to spend the money on cars and things like that. He also said that he's going to take half the money and put it away for the taxes he'll have to pay.
Howard took a call from Mitch Semmel who asked Jon how he told Howard about the deal. Jon said he e-mailed Gary about the deal before it was final and he forwarded it to Howard who responded with a nice e-mail about how happy he was about it. Howard said it's great to see a guy get a million plus pay day from a site he started in his basement. Mitch said he thinks that Howard helped him out by pushing it to that next level.
Howard congratulated Jon again and wrapped up that segment. He told Benjy to take the rope down and not hang himself. Benjy said he was happy for Jon. Howard said Benjy is over there putting together a web site. Artie said he has a web site of his own (Artie-Lange.com) and he doesn't even know how to get to it.
Howard said if Jon gets a million unique visitors a month, he must get 50 billion on his own site. He had to wrap up a short time later to go to break.
Lisa said that they will be doing a report about prank calls and how tough it is to get permission to play them. She got in a plug for The Intern Show that's on tonight at 7pm on Howard 101. Howard wrapped up with her and moved on to some audio clips.
Howard played a new Baba Booey song parody and said that one has to be one of the greatest yet. He then moved on to some audio from the Exotic Erotic Ball. Richard and Benjy went over there and screwed around with some people there. Richard went over to a booth where a dominatrix ties people up and spanks them. Howard said Richard is a team player and let this woman beat him with a cat-o-nine tails and some other stuff. Then a guy came over and started whipping him as well and he couldn't get out of it.
Howard played the clip of Richard calling the woman names as she was whipping him. He was in real pain and kept calling her names. Then this guy comes over to defend her and starts whipping him even harder. Richard wanted him to stop after that but the guy kept going. Richard said that guy had an even bigger cat-o-nine tails that he was whipping him with.
Howard saw a picture of the guy who was whipping him and he looked like a really angry guy. The chick was way hot according to Howard. They played some more stuff from the event and talked about how hot that chick was.
Howard had another clip where Richard gets up on stage at a fashion show at the Exotic Erotic Ball and takes over the microphone. Richard said there weren't that many people there so no one was getting too upset. Then Benjy gets on stage and walks on all fours like a dog. Richard's balls were hanging out of his thong and Benjy was growling like a dog. Richard let out a weird growl of his own so Artie asked what the hell was going on there.
Sal and Richard created a new Jack and Rod bit where they took clips of Ronnie arguing with them about his dog and used them while talking to an author of a book about making a fortune with pets. Howard played that clip and Sal and Richard talk to this woman and use the Ronnie clips to make it sound like he tried to read the book but he fell asleep while reading it. The woman wanted to hang up on them but they tried to keep her on a little longer. The Ronnie clips fit in perfectly and made it sound like he was going off on the woman and on ''Jack and Rod.'' Richard said they study those clips and can get them to play pretty quick getting them in at the right time.
Howard mentioned that he saw ''Superman Returns'' yesterday and loved it. He said it was 2 hours and 38 minutes long but it didn't feel like it was that long. He said it wasn't long enough in his opinion. Robin said the action was great in the movie and she liked it as well. Howard thinks they need to make a second one now. Robin gave it a 4 star rating and Howard gave it a 4.5 out of 5.
Howard said that Kevin Spacey as Lex Luther was great. Kate Bosworth as Lois Lane was good as well. He said that Brian Singer directed the movie very well. He mentioned that the movie cost about $300 million invested in that movie. Artie read an article about all of the money they actually invested in the movie and it's closer to $363 million.
Howard got back to the Riley Martin show and played some audio from that. In the first clip Riley is talking about this Council of 7 thing. He says that he will appear in front of them again some day because he feels he is more astute now than he was at the age of 18.
Howard and the guys goofed on Riley a little bit and did their impressions of him. Richard came in a short time later and said that he had a classic prank call they made to Riley when they were at K-Rock. Howard played the clip and it was the guys putting on some alien voices and goofing on a drunken Riley. They had Wendy the Retard call him that day as well. She played an alien from a retarded planet.
Wendy was on the phone so Howard put her on with Gary and the two of them argued with each other about the calls they make. Howard asked Wendy if she would give Gary oral, anal, and many other sexual acts. Wendy said she'd do anything and would even let him rape her and shit in her mouth.
Gary said that Wendy has said this stuff on many occasions but she never comes through. Wendy said that Gary won't cooperate with her. Richard asked Gary if he wasn't able to get it up for her. Gary said he wants Miss Howard Stern, not Wendy the Retard. Gary said that Andrea has called him a few times at his house and she wants to come on the show with him. He claims that she's offered to have sex with him too. Everyone laughed about those comments.
Howard asked Wendy to rub her huge, hairy bush on the phone for Gary. She rubbed something that sounded very rough so the guys got a few laughs out of that. She then said that she will go out with Jeff the Drunk instead of Gary. Howard told Wendy to pleasure herself with her phone to make Gary jealous. She rubbed the phone again and said that it smelled like Cotton Candy.
Wendy was telling Gary to shut up as he was trying to yell at her. In the middle of the yelling Howard replayed the Gary prank call where he gets stuck in the phony voice mail system. He hung up on Wendy and Gary in the middle of that.
The caller told Howard he would like to hear the whole 9/11 show since they have the tapes now. Howard said he had a meeting with Tim Sabean yesterday about the tapes and how huge the task is to get all of this stuff together for the 4th of July vacation weeks. He said he may air that 9/11 show on 9/11 but not at any other time. He said it's too depressing to play at any other time.
Howard played some more audio from Riley Martin's show where he talks about why the aliens won't land and talk to us. They're not hiding according to Riley. They do fly by and check us out but they won't land because they don't trust us.
In another clip Riley talks about the children he has on the planet Biahvey. He talks about how he saw Amelia Earhart taking care of some children on that planet and he believes they were his kids. Howard said he likes that Riley is helping to save our planet but he says ''axed'' instead of ''asked'' when he's speaking.
Howard played the Riley Martin ''My Name Is... Riley Martin'' song parody and a few other Riley Martin bits that the guys have put together.
In another clip from the Riley Martin show Riley talks about the female aliens and how they get men to produce even more ''spermatose.'' Howard said they have to limit Riley to one hour a week because they have to keep him kind of believable. He said the audience is doing a great job keeping him going, talking about alien weapon systems and things like that. He played another clip from the show where a caller asks him about the weapons. Riley said he wasn't allowed access to the weapons but he did have some information about the way the Biahvians are able to neutralize the other aliens out there.
Howard played a clip from a past show where Sal calls Riley and asks him to translate a term that an African guy said on Howard's show one time (Ah buig lee ari dah, ah yagail mu, ah mugee bugalia). Riley goes right into the interpretation and tells Sal what it means as if he really knew what it was.
A caller thanked Howard for the Rain Forest concert tickets he won on the show recently. Howard missed the concert and he was saying he was kind of bummed he missed it. Howard cut him off and asked Robin about the Scott Greenstein thing he's going to tonight. Robin isn't going because they're not working tomorrow and she wants to get away for the weekend. Howard is going to the event where they're going to be honoring Scott Greenstein at this Life Beat thing.
Howard said Scott really wants him to show up at this event and has been getting people to get on him to make sure he shows up. Howard said he is friends with Scott and it might be embarrassing for him if he didn't show up. Gary told Howard about some of the other people who are going to be there like Martha Stewart and Steve Van Zandt. He said it's a big thing for Scott to have them there.
Gary gave Howard the rundown of what will be going on at the event and how Nelly Furtado will be performing 3 songs. She's not doing a whole concert. Howard is hoping she wears a belly shirt tonight. He doesn't want her getting all conservative just because it's a small event.
Gary said that Ross Zapin has been working his ass off on this event trying to help out his guy Scott Greenstein. Howard wasn't planning on going, he was just going to make a donation. Now he's been guilted into going so he feels he has to show up.
Gary told Howard that the Howard 100 News team was reporting that Howard would be going to the event. They were making a huge deal out of it.
Howard and the guys talked about Nelly Furtado a little bit and played some of her music. Howard suggested that they just put her in a back room where she could give oral to the guys who go to the event. Howard was talking about how great Beth is because she takes her old clothes and gives them to a charity where they sell the clothes so they can buy stuff to take care of homeless people.
Artie was talking about how he used to buy pizza for homeless guys when he was working comedy clubs in the city. He said his mother would guilt him into helping people by talking about how his father wasn't very religious. Gary said he used to go to a gym and a homeless woman would say hello once in a while. One day he wanted to offer her something and said ''Excuse me...'' but she growled at him.
Howard thinks that Artie could be out there banging chicks now if he wanted but if he wasn't on the show, he would be begging to marry her and he'd be in therapy already. The caller kept telling Artie to just end it already.
A caller said that he thinks Howard is lying about Superman because he gets these special screenings and bashes the movies after they come out. Howard said that's not true. He goes to the screenings and if he doesn't like the movie, he won't say a word about it. If he likes it, then he will talk about how good it was. He told the caller he wouldn't mislead anyone like that.
Howard took a couple more phone calls and some guys were asking about the classic show tapes. One guy wanted a job working as the person to take care of the classic audio tapes. Howard said they need someone who is totally motivated and will work 24 hours a day. The caller said he used to be a postal worker and he's probably heard 80 percent of the shows that have aired over the past 20 years.
Howard said he's not sure if Joey Boots would be the right man for the job. He was on the phone so Howard talked to him for a short time. Joey said that he's experienced in editing in Adobe Audition. He also told Howard he's got a great work ethic and he would be great for the job. Joey said he could give the show his 24/7 life right now. Howard told Joey it's up to Tim Sabean and Tim did mention Joey's name. They have to interview him first to find out if he can handle it.
The guys brought up MarksFriggin again and talked about how the site has such a catalog of shows. Robin's assistant Kerry came in and said that she thinks that Mark would be the right guy for the job. That's the kind of guy they need for the job. She said that he's so detailed with his notes. Howard thought she was making sense but some of the guys in the back said that she's out of her mind.
Ronnie the Limo Driver came in and said that Kerry was out of her mind because she just walked in the studio after rattling off all of this stuff to him out in the hall. He didn't make a good argument for her being out of her mind though. Joey was saying he has no problem with Mark working on a team with the rest of the guys.
Howard said he got to the movie and Ronnie the Limo Driver was sitting in ''his seat'' that he sits in at every screening. Al Rosenberg was also there sitting right in front of him. He loves Al dearly but his head is the size of a beach ball and wouldn't move. He said Al was just laughing, thinking it was a joke. Ralph then yells at Al and says ''Hey fuck head, he wants you to move.'' Al got up and moved and Howard felt really bad about it. He said he was thinking about that through the whole start of the movie.
Ronnie came in and said that he sat in that seat because he was saving it for Howard. He said he's never seen people who are such babies about their seats. Robin has her own seat and Howard has his. Howard told Ronnie he could do the screenings with no one there.
Robin and Mr. X both came in and sat down behind him but moved down to the front after he complained about people sitting so close to him. He said that poor Al had to move all of his shit. Then Howard thought about how he wanted to see the movie with no one around him so he was actually happy.
Richard came in and said that Howard was eating candy during the movie and it was really loud. Howard gave him a ''fuck you.'' Richard was also complaining about Howard and Ralph shushing everyone as the credits were starting the movie.
Howard said he always invites his first girlfriend to the movie screenings just to rub it in her face. He said that she's going to be everywhere they go because she dumped his ass. He wants to rub it in her face for as long as he can. He talked about how evil he is. He said he turned down his first girlfriend's boyfriend from coming and had to think twice about it. He said he had his assistant call her back to let her know that she could bring her man with her.
Howard can't believe that Ralph didn't like the movie. Ralph had some problems with the plot of the movie. He said Superman and Clark Kent disappear for 5 years and both show up on the same day. There's something wrong with that.
Ralph and Howard were arguing about some of the other problems with the movie. Ralph had a problem with the Superman outfit and how it was made and stuff like that. They were arguing over comic book stories. Howard said someone mentioned that Superman's real name, Kal-El, is actually Hebrew for ''Super One'' and pointed out that it was a bunch of Jews who came up with the Superman characters. Howard realized he was right.
Artie brought up how Ralph wasn't happy for Jon Hein after he found out that he had sold his web site for over a million bucks. Ralph said he doesn't give a fuck because it doesn't effect his life at all. He sounded very angry as he was talking about it so Howard talked to him about that whole thing. Ralph was complaining about how Jon's web site looked so bad that it's almost impossible to look at. They knew that was coming. Jon said the best comment Ralph made was when he asked him when he was going to leave his wife and kids.
Al Rosenberg called in and talked about the screening a little bit but Howard had to get going. He apologized to Al for making him move yesterday but Al didn't seem to mind. Al told Howard he was going to send him the bag he was carrying yesterday. Howard said he just wanted to know where he got the bag from and Al was ready to pass it over to Howard and give it away right there. Howard is afraid he'd have Al's bad luck if he took that bag from him. Howard said Al has a lot of bad luck. His wife died, he lost his niece in the World Trade Center attacks... Howard said the bag is evil and he doesn't want it.
Al said he's had that bag since about 1979 when he got into show business. It's all beat up but that's why it looks cool according to Ralph. Howard said Ralph used to run over his shoes with his jeep to make them look cool. He took them out back and ran them over until the soles were ripped off of them.
Scott the Engineer came in and said that Robin sounded kind of low and he wanted to make an adjustment. Gary came in and told Howard that Tony Stewart was up there hanging out with Scott a few weeks ago. Ever since then he's had nothing but bad luck in his NASCAR races. He said that Tony has had 3 accidents, a dislocated shoulder and he's now down to 6th place in the championship. That's the kind of black cloud that follows Scott around. Howard talked about the time Scott sat at a table at a casino they were at and made him lose. He had to go to break after that.
Sal came in and said that the total was actually $210 after everyone threw in their money. Howard Sal to take a shit on the money so he tried to squat down and do it. The guys told him to stop but he had already pissed himself. Howard booted Scott out and said the show is not a joke to him. He doesn't need people collecting money betting on wether or not they can interrupt the show.
Scott apologized for what happened but Howard told him that it's not even about the money, it's about interrupting his show and putting his hands on the board during the show. He said Scot never does that and it had to be about the money. Howard said that just taking the money was wrong. Scott said he didn't want to take the money but one of the guys made him take it. Howard said Scott is always selling out for hardly any money. He wouldn't take a cock in his ass for $250,000 but he'll interrupt the show for $210.
Artie missed all of that because he was out at the deli so he had to catch up on it all. Howard didn't want to go through it again but he did fill Artie in on what had just happened. Artie said it's kind of funny in a weird way. Howard had to finish up the commercial he was doing and then got back to the regular show.
Howard asked Jr. about living with KC and talked about how strange he is. Jr. Said they go out and scour the city looking for girls for the Beverly Hills Angels girls that are photographed on choppers. Howard heard that KC fucks a lot of the girls. Johnny said they're always talking about the work they're doing but KC is actually out banging chicks.
Howard asked how much KC gets paid. They wouldn't say but they did say that they take care of him very well. Jr. was telling Howard that he went home the other day and his computer was all ripped apart and his remote controls were spread out all over the house with the batteries out. He's also found a bunch of strange things missing from the house like a garbage can.
Howard had KC on the phone. He said he didn't realize how whacked out of his skull he was. He asked him what happened to the garbage can. KC said he bought a new can and left the old can there next to the dumpster one night when he got locked out of the house.
Howard said KC was supposed to be there today but he can never get to where he's supposed to go. KC claimed that he got stuck on a layover in San Diego but he was calling from home. Johnny and Johnny Jr. were talking about the strange things that KC does out there when they're around him. Jr. was saying that KC carries around a baseball bat all the time because he's paranoid about stuff. KC said he's got people sneaking up on him all the time and he's always freaked out.
The guys said that KC is always getting lost out there even though it's very easy to get around the area. Howard asked KC why he takes apart every electronic device in Johnny's house. KC said that he just wants to make those things work better, that's why he does it. Jr. Told him that Sony knows how to make them work better, not KC.
Howard asked KC what was going on with the computer being taken apart. Jr. Said the whole thing was taken apart completely, every single part. KC claims that he knows everything about computers ever since he started making this DVD he's been working on (for over a year) and he can build a computer.
Howard said that KC got a 730 on his SAT tests.. KC corrected him and said it was 710. Howard asked him if he knows what RAM is. KC knew that it was Random Access Memory. He said he's got a gig of RAM in this computer he took apart. Howard asked him why he was ripping apart all of the remote controls. He said that Johnny has like 50 of them and he only needs one.
Ralph called in and asked KC why he would want to build a computer if it was already built. KC said he was trying to make it better by making it faster. He said the computer works even taken apart. Johnny said the computer looks like something out of the Back to the Future car. He said the laptop he has is broken but he's got it hooked up to a TV that he carries around.
Johnny was also saying that KC is a slob and he doesn't clean the sink in his bathroom. There's a broken glass in the bathroom and he left it there for over 10 days... in the sink. Gary came in and said that he heard stories about KC carrying around an enormous monitor and they thought he was losing his mind. Johnny said that he carries that around in a cardboard box that's all beaten up.
KC said that working on this DVD made him nuts and he smashed his laptop computer because he got so fed up. He still has to work on it and that's why he needs a monitor to carry around. The guys said that the monitor is so big that there's no way he could use it on a plane, it's bigger than the whole cockpit instrument panel.
Howard asked KC about this modeling gig he's got. KC said he'd doing some underwear modeling for Bend the Rules. They have him on their web site and some other places as well. He said he's taking just about any job he can get. He's also modeling for ShopMelroseNow.com.
A caller told KC that he paid for his DVD last year and he still hasn't gotten one. KC told him that the distribution company has it and they're shipping it out now. Another caller said that there's no way KC isn't on coke. Johnny said that they don't think he's on drugs, they think he's just nuts.
Howard wanted to let KC go but KC was getting some weird feelings from Howard. He said he feels like he's forgetting about the history they have together. Howard said he doesn't think about KC every day but he still loves him. KC told Howard about one more thing he's got going on. He does a TV show for mobile phones for Ampd Mobile. He wanted to be put on hold so he could listen to the rest of the interview.
Howard put him on hold and talked to the Johnny's about some of the other crazy shit that KC has done. They brought up something about KC missing his flight and all of that stuff so Howard had to talk to him about that. KC said he was waiting at the airport for his layover flight and he ended up doing something kind of stupid. He thought he had extra time so he took his girlfriend into the bathroom at the airport and got into trouble for that. Johnny said he wouldn't believe that but they actually caught him doing it at a deli one time.
Howard Johnny Sr. about his father because he used to be in the mob. Johnny told Howard that his father was actually living in Iowa which was actually a great place to work from because it borders 7 states. It was like a hub for running the business from. Howard heard some stories about Johnny and how his father treated him so well. Johnny wasn't able to go to a Harlem Globetrotters' game one time so his father brought them home for him.
Johnny told Howard that the Globetrotters actually played on their home court for him. He said his father also brought home a space capsule from NASA home so they could play with that. They couldn't keep it, but they did get to play with it. The thing was as big as their living room and he's not even sure how they got it into the house. They must have highjacked it because there were articles about it having gone missing.
Johnny told another story about his father making Michael Landon ride in a parade that he didn't want to ride in. He said he remembers watching his father grab Landon's neck to make him shake his head yes when he asked him if he was going to ride in it. Johnny said that's when he first saw that side of his father. He had no idea what his father did back then other than running a garbage business.
Johnny said that he's got a four year old son now and that's what Jr. always wanted when he was a kid. Johnny said it's about 20 years too late for that though. Johnny said he's 51 years old now and is's very easy to scare himself when he walks by a mirror and sees himself in it because his hair has changed color and he doesn't look the same as he did years ago.
Howard asked Johnny about the clothing and jewelry he was wearing this morning. Johnny said that he's not a wealthy man but he does pretty well. He was also talking about how people are still afraid of the Fratto name.
Howard asked Johnny if The Sopranos is a realistic show. Johnny said it is kind of real but the story lines don't go far enough and get into the details. Johnny told some other crazy stories about his father and some of the other people from the family. They have a picture of Johnny's uncle Frank holding a gun to Sammy Davis Jr.'s head... in a joking way.
Johnny Jr. Said he saw his father punch out a Paparazzi guy when Paris Hilton cam to pick up a bike from them. Johnny told Howard that Paris is actually a very nice, sweet person when you meet her in person.
Howard got KC back on the phone and asked him about banging Miss Howard Stern. KC said he only banged her over one weekend, he didn't meet up a bunch of times. Howard asked him why he would do that, he knew he wasn't going to stay with her. KC said he told her that stuff and warned her ahead of time. Howard asked him if he got sick of Andrea's voice after a little while. KC said she's a very nice person.
He said that he worst thing was when Andrea answered his phone when his girlfriend called his apartment. Howard said KC must be getting laid a lot. KC told the guys that his girlfriend brought him a cock ring home recently and it's actually ''Nice!''
Gary came in and told a story about KC. He said he was out in California one time and saw KC getting a couple of chicks and getting into some crazy shit with a couple of chicks while Artie is refereeing the two girls who are fighting. Artie said there were a couple of girls, Bob Levy and Jim Florentine reffing the fight while KC was back in his room sleeping.
Johnny wanted to tell another story so Howard told him to go ahead. He asked Jr. To give him a story to tell but he couldn't come up with anything. Johnny ended up talking about how much his father hated the Kennedy's back in the 60s. He also said that his father would tell the family that if they were ever asked about crime they were not to talk about anything. Johnny said that one day after Kennedy was assassinated the Nun teacher he had was asking the class if they knew who killed John Kennedy. He said that was one of those questions that felt like it was something they weren't supposed to talk about so they didn't answer it. That led to their father coming down to the school and when the Nun told him the kids didn't know the answer to the question, his father said ''If they say they don't know anything, they don't know.'' as if they were keeping some big secret.
Howard asked Johnny if he knows Henry Hill. Johnny said he doesn't know Henry and he doesn't want to know him. He told Howard that there are only a couple of mob movies out there that are really worth watching. The Godfather being one, ''A Bronx Tale'' being another. They talked about a couple of other movies as well. Johnny said his father really wouldn't think of himself as a mobster if you asked about him.
Howard tried to wrap up the interview a few times but Johnny had more stories to tell. He told Howard about this landlord he had one time and how pissed off he got at him one time. He said the guy wanted him to get rid of this dog he had living in his place so he grabbed the guy one day and told him that it wasn't a dog, it was a cat. He said that solved all of their problems after that. Howard wrapped up with the Johnny's and gave them a plug for their web site BeverlyHillsChoppers.com
Howard mentioned the Wack Packer contest they have going on right now and talked about how they've really only added one Wack Packer since they moved there to SIRIUS.
George Flowers, Steve the Intern and Jon Hein were in with their show previews. George went through his rundown which was basically what Lisa G had mentioned earlier in the morning. After that rundown Howard spoke to Steve The Intern about what they had coming up on The Intern Show tonight. Steve said that some of the interns think that Jon has already gotten a little cockier than he was before coming into this money.
Jon said that it is kind of surreal and he has a few more friends today than he had before. He said he got a few instant messages and e-mails from people he hasn't heard from for a while. He went through his show rundown and mentioned some of the stuff they'll be talking about on today's Wrap Up Show.
Ralph called in and said that Jon Hein seems to have changed. He said he seemed to have more confidence yesterday according to Ralph. He thinks he was just a little cockier than he was before. Howard thanked him for that and had Robin continue with her news.
At one point Howard mentioned that people on SternFanNetwork.com were complaining about him using a megaphone when he does his character voices. He said the reason he does that is to make it sound like the person is calling in. He went into his Ted Kennedy impression on the megaphone after that and did that for a while. He was also complaining about Tim Sabean bugging him to do some Bob and Ray stuff on the show. He said that he'll do that when he's got a reason to. He was talking about doing a whole show as Ted Kennedy one night too.
Gary came in and told Howard that Benjy had called that same public access show that Richard had called. Howard played the clip of Benjy calling in as a senior citizen. He didn't make it all the way through it. He cut it off and asked Gary what was up with that. Gary said that Sal and Richard thought it was funny so he sent it in. Howard continued to play it and heard Benjy telling the people that he thinks that Puerto Rican's are ruining the city... as the senior citizen. Howard quickly had Robin get back to her news after that.
Howard mentioned a story he was reading over at Friday Morning Quarterback about a dual tuner radio that might be out later this year. That would allow people to get both XM and SIRIUS or just XM or SIRIUS. The guys spent a minute talking about that before Robin got back to her news.
Howard mentioned that he got a note from a couple of guys who are old listeners. One guy, artist R. Crumb, said that he's living over in France and heard that the show is streaming on the web, but he wasn't sure what he needed to do to get it. He wanted to trade a print for a password. Howard said he'd take the print but SIRIUS probably wouldn't be bartering for subscriptions.
This guy Ira Zimmerman also wrote Howard and complained about Fred and Artie goofing on John the Stutterer. Ira used to write letters complaining about them goofing on Stuttering John in the past. He's apparently still listening to the show and complaining about goofing on stutterers.
Howard read through some other mail later on in the news. Someone said they feel that Howard brushes off Artie every time he brings up his movie ''Beer League.'' Howard said that's not true. He also got some mail about the baby wipes he uses to wipe his ass. One guy told him to keep using them because he's making money cleaning out people's drain pipes who have clogged them up with the wipes.
Howard got a lot of feedback about Craig Gass' appearance yesterday. A lot of people thought he was great, but there were some who thought it was about time to give up the Kinison impression, he's been dead for 10 years now.
Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:40am.
Howard, Robin and Artie were off today so we had Jon Hein, Gary Dell'Abate and Ralph Cirella doing their Friday Show today. Jon started off the show talking about some of the stuff they had coming up today. He got right into it and played a clip that happened a few weeks ago during Robin's news. Artie was talking about the ''Book of Us'' and his only entry into that book.
After that clip the guys talked about Artie for a short time and how that book could be grounds for dismissal if their girlfriend came to them with something like a ''book of us.''
Jon moved on to the next segment which was a Robert Duvall clip. Jon said they were going to play just a little bit of that segment. Howard asked Duvall to comment on gay marriage and a few other things in that clip.
After playing that audio clip Gary was saying that some e-mailers were annoyed that Duvall didn't know who Artie was while he was doing his Godfather bits. Gary didn't think that it was that big of a deal because Duvall probably doesn't know the show that well. They were also talking about when Duvall stood up and looked over at Artie, George Takei and Benjy and made a ''threesome'' comment.
Jon had another clip to play from a show they did early on there at SIRIUS. Howard interviewed this guy John Paulus and his encounter with Clay Aiken. Jon played a clip of Paulus talking about what happened with him and Clay Aiken.
Jon and the guys talked about how they think much differently about Clay Aiken after hearing that clip. They were also talking about how great Nick DiPaolo and Artie were in that segment. John probably had no idea who they were because they were hidden behind the wall in the studio. Jon had to go to break a short time later.
Jon moved on to the next clip which was from the day when Misty the Prostitute and Janice Dickinson got into a bit of an argument. Janice didn't like the way Misty's daughter drew pictures of penises on men's pictures while in the green room.
Jon was saying that he's not a fan of Janice Dickinson and he was trying to take Misty's side in that argument but Janice was making some sense with her arguments. The guys talked about that for a short time. Jon then moved on to the next segment which was some stuff from Howard's WNBC days.
Gary talked about how Fred was the one doing the Mrs. Flemstein voice back then. They also talked about Jackie playing all of the sound effects during that segment.
Ralph said he liked the one crashing clip because the level was so high. Gary talked about Robin's swimming lessons and how she took them just a few years ago. She almost drown just taking lessons in her pool. Now she goes out on her boat and on a jet ski.
Gary said that Mike Gange is another guy who can't swim and he once went on a trip where he went swimming and Doug Goodstein had to help him swim back to the boat. Jon had to take another break after that.
Jon moved on after that and played some audio from their creative meeting where they talked about the Artie Roast. Gary was asking Howard if he wanted to do it at night and have people drinking. They worked out the kinks and figured out how they were going to do the show live that night and replay it the next morning.
Jon moved on to play a clip from the day two guys came in to try and win tickets to the Artie Roast. He played a clip from the game they played where they had to get waxed if they got questions wrong.
After that clip Jon said they could have pulled a lot of stuff from the roast that day but they just pulled a select few. In the first clip we hear Richard Christy come in drunk and then go nuts when Artie makes a comment about his comedy act.
That stuff all happened before the roast and it got pretty crazy in there. Gary asked Richard if he knows how to drink at a pace instead of just drinking a ton of stuff. Richard said he does know how to drink and he does that when he's out with friends.
Jon asked Richard if he was really upset that day about the comments that Artie and Sal were making. He said he was really bothered and bummed out even though both Sal and Artie apologized to him. Jon moved on to some clips from the Artie Roast. He played Sal's roast of Artie first.
Jon told Sal to take a bow after that clip play. He did kill in that roast. Jon then moved on to play Colin Quinn's roast. He said he missed a lot of the jokes because he was laughing so hard that night. Gary had missed some of it too because he was so drunk.
Jon and the guys talked about how great Colin was that night and how he hit everyone in the room. That's what a roast is supposed to be about according to the guys. Jon didn't think Colin was the guy to close the roast but he realized he was wrong. Gary told a story about Colin doing a roast at Howard's birthday party and killed there as well. Jon had to go to break a short time later.
The guys came back and talked about that clip. The audience had no idea who Howard Stern was back then because it was in the early 1980s. They were laughing at everything Arsenio said but not so much at Howard who was goofing on FOX. Gary said that it was clearly an Arsenio crowd and they weren't laughing a lot at what Howard was saying. Gary said it was a pretty uncomfortable room. He said there was a comment in there about Joan Rivers' husband having been killed by FOX so he explained what that was about. He said that Joan's husband had killed himself 3 days after she was fired by FOX so there were some people saying that because of her firing, her husband killed himself.
Gary told another story about how they got escorted out of the building by a security guard. They were thrown out of the building by the guy because no one even came to say goodbye to them. Richard asked if they pre-taped that show or not. Gary said it was live to New York but he's not sure about the rest of the country. He said Robin had to talk Howard off a ledge though because he was freaked out that no one had come to say goodbye to them.
Jon said that the next guest who was on that show was Marsha Warfield who used to star on ''Night Court.'' Jon had a clip of her passing a note to Arsenio and then asking him why ''that man'' was there. Gary said that got her on their enemies list and they ended up trashing her for about a year after that.
Jon said the clip of Howard on that show demonstrates the old, angry, Howard Stern. He's mellowed out over the years and isn't quite as angry as he used to be. Gary said he slept on the whole flight home from that appearance and Howard was really pissed off at him because he wanted to talk to someone about what went on. Jon had to go to break after that.
Jon also had the whole Artie and Crazy Alice going back and forth segment. He played through all of that even though they played some shorter clips of it last week. They wanted to play the whole thing so people could hear what actually went on that day.
After playing that Jon said it's like you get to know more about Alice from that segment because she talked about her son and things like that in the call. Gary said that the guys were telling him that they got a full version of her side of the call that they'll be editing for playing pieces on the air.
Another phone caller talked about how he would like to hear more of the WNBC stuff on the Friday Shows. Gary said they'll play stuff from WNBC, WWOR, DC 101 and other stuff. Ralph said that Gary has an amazing way of remembering old clips and that will come in handy when they go to play stuff from the K-Rock days.
Jon took some other calls and one guy asked Gary about the old clips when Howard used to take calls from ''God.'' Jon said they can't play the K-Rock clips yet but they had a WNBC clip where Howard talks to God about his rewriting of the bible. He went into that clip where God was talking about the new bible that he was writing to make it easier to read.
The guys noticed that Howard was doing some weird voices in that clip as he was talking to God. Gary said he almost sounded like a Wigger in that clip.
Jon introduced the next clip which was from Howard's old WWOR TV show. In that clip they had Art Fleming on the show doing a ''This is your life'' spoof called ''This Is A Life?'' where they brought people from Howard's past on the show to talk to him. They interviewed people who were supposed to have grown up with Howard. Then they brought his childhood nemesis Johnny Mendola live on the show. They also brought in his old gym teacher Mr. Chestnut and his old 6th grade band members from Electric Comic Book.
Howard went off on Ralph for screwing up his makeup during that clip so Jon asked him about that. Ralph said that's how he got started on that show, doing special make-up and things like that. Gary said that Ralph was doing his hair back then and he was always plucking at it right up until they were ready to start taping. Ralph said he had never done hair like that before so he had people staring at him while he was doing it.
Jon asked Gary if Howard knew who they were bringing out on that show. Gary said he had no idea who was coming but he was aware that they were doing the This is Your Life thing. Jon had to go to break a short time later.
Howard was brought back to college once again where he got fired from his college radio station. The guy who fired him, Hank Sennet, was brought in to talk about that fateful day. Dee Snider made an appearance on that show. Art Fleming was the host of the special so Howard spoke to him for a short time. There were also some clips of his parents doing some promos for the show.
After playing the WWOR clips Jon and the guys talked about how Dee Snider was taking credit for Howard's look back then. Gary told Jon about how Howard looked before he started growing his hair out and wearing leather jackets. That's also around the time Ralph started shopping for clothes for Howard.
Jon took a phone call from a guy who asked what was up with Howard's voice back then because he was slurring his S's and had a weird voice. The guys talked about how Howard's voice has changed over the years and how he was supposed to be a ''goofy DJ'' back on WNBC so that's one reason he was talking weird on those tapes.
Bong Hit Eric called in and said that the guys are hitting the nail on the head with the Friday Shows. He said he'd love it if they did something like this with the K-Rock tapes. Gary said they're coming but they want to make sure they present them in the right way.
After that Jon said he had some other classic things that Sal and Richard have done there. He played a ''Karloff'' prank call and also a call they made to a Southern woman using Blue Iris audio clips. Jon asked the guys if they know they have gold when they make some of those prank calls. Richard said they do know it sometimes and they knew it with that Southern woman.
Jon moved on to play some of Sal and Richard's rejected bits. Richard introduced a bit where they did their Jack and Rod radio show with an author who was promoting a book. They had Jim Florentine in doing his ''Special Ed'' (retarded) character and complaining about why he hates Christmas... He got a ''black brother'' for Christmas. He jerked the author around for a short time and ended up using the N-word in a way that was actually pretty funny but the author hung up on them saying that it was not funny and they were working for a very sick radio station.
Jon said that the bit went on a little too long but it was funny to him. Gary and Ralph weren't impressed. Gary said he was actually Luke-warm to it. He said Howard also doesn't ''get'' that Special Ed character that Jim Florentine does. Gary and Ralph turned down the bit saying it wasn't that great, Jon liked it enough to give it a ''yes'' vote... but it doesn't matter because it's all up to Howard.
The next rejected bit was a song parody that Sal created to the tune of ''Had a Bad Day'' called ''She Had a Bad Smell.'' Ralph liked that song because Sal was so off key while he was singing it. Richard also created a song to the Eagle's ''There Gonna Be a Heartache Tonight.'' The song was about JD getting a hand job. That one didn't go over too well. The guys talked about how it really wasn't that good over all. Jon said it probably deservedly got cut.
Jon wrapped up with Sal and Richard and then took a phone call from a guy asking to hear a classic bit where Richard and Sal called a Relay Chat operator and had her saying some crazy stuff. Sal explained how the call worked but said they didn't have it to play yet. They did have another Relay Chat call that they played earlier in the week. Richard pulled that one out and played it as they went to break. That call was using John the Stutterer and someone pretending to be a deaf person on the other end. They went into commercial after playing that one.
Ralph wondered what someone gets by being in the LPAA. Gary wondered how he got out of it. He figures that you just sent them a form, a check and proof that you are short and you're in. The guys spent a little more time talking about Eric and then played a recent segment where he called in and went off on Howard about flying with balloons.
After playing that Eric the Midget clip Jon took a phone call from King of All Japs who asked how they found Eric the Midget. Gary said he wasn't even sure, he thinks he just called into the show. Ralph said he still doesn't look at Eric like a Wack Packer because he just seems to hate the show. Will came in and said that Eric was really just a phone caller but he became a star when he went off on Howard for making fun of Kelly Clarkson.
Jon said that Eric was on the Superfan Roundtable and was trying to explain why he does go off on Howard but someone would keep interrupting him and wouldn't let him get out what he wanted to say. Jon said that they all love Eric and want him to keep calling into the show. Gary said he doesn't know why he was ever mad at Eric because he's just a goofball. He kind of likes him when he's angry now.
The guys spent some time talking about Gina's great appearance. Jon then took a call from Eric the Midget who was on the phone. Gary asked him if he's working his way back to doing Howard's show again. Eric said he's not sure because Sal made a prank call to him. He thought that George Flowers had done that with Sal but Gary told him that wasn't the case. Eric said he hasn't given them permission to play that call on the air and he won't.
Ralph told Eric he should just have fun with the call like George Takei had fun doing the show recently. Eric said he mentioned a family wedding in that prank call and he doesn't want anyone to hear that part of the call. The guys told him that they can take that out if he wants.
Eric was also telling Gary about the LPA stuff they were talking about earlier and how he really doesn't have any criteria to stick to but he's afraid that they would frown upon it. He said that years ago the little people were used in side shows and things like that and that's the kind of stuff they frown upon these days.
Ralph asked what joining the LPA gets him. Eric was silent for a second and said he's not sure what it gets him. He said that it gets him into meetings and into a social environment... but he hasn't gone to any of those meetings since he was a kid. Jon and Gary said the LPA might look at him in higher regard if he did fly with balloons because it would get him some notice. Eric said he wants people to look at him as a normal person and not have people making fun of him. He's looking to become an actor himself.
Jon told Eric that George Takei came in and let people make fun of him about being gay and all of that stuff and the fans love him. That's what they think Eric should do. He should embrace the attention he gets from the show and enjoy it. Eric thanked Ralph for mentioning that he's not part of the Wack Pack and he appreciates that. Ralph asked Eric if they could play that call of his because it was so great. Eric won't let them play that call and he's not going to agree to let them play any more prank calls to him. Gary said they may have to stop talking to him then. Eric won't even give them his ''Bye for now.'' good-bye message. Jon let him go and then wrapped up the show.