| Monday | Tuesday |
|
|
| Wednesday | Thursday |
|
|
| Friday | |
|
Howard started off the show complaining about someone having touched his computer. He said there will be hell to pay for that. He then went on to talk about the film festival that was held last Thursday night. He was watching Howard TV and talked about how great the winning film was. He said the guy who shot it only spent about $250 to make the film and it was great. He shot it in high-something that Howard couldn't remember.
Artie said he was blown away by the film because it was so sweet. Howard said that the one regret he had was his own movie that was really not all that creative, it was more of a goof. He said that next year he'll make something with a whole story since he didn't take it so seriously this year. He said that maybe they should have just had the 9 finalists and called it a night.
Robin thought that the compilation that they ran in the middle of it all was a little long but Gary said it only ran about 4 and a half minutes. The guys all thought that Richard Roeper was very good and funny during the comments section.
Gary said that he loves Sal because he thinks that it's all about him. He was bragging that he had screened the movies and three of the 9 finalists were 3 that he had picked out.
Howard quickly moved on and took a phone call. The caller said that he saw the shocking the balls episode on Howard TV over the weekend. That led to Howard talking about how he ended up at Scores with the Asian chick who got her puss shocked. Artie said he had to go to a bar across the street to get a drink because they wouldn't let him in the after party at first because it was so crowded.
Howard said he was brought into a dressing room where he met with some reporters after the show. After all of that his agent came down and told him he had to meet with some other people. Howard said that the party was packed in like sardines. He met with a bunch of reporters after that who told him that they should show the winning film on regular cable to remind people about Howard TV being there.
Howard said that Joe Francis from Girls Gone Wild was hanging around him all night and was in just about every picture he took. He did have a really hot girl with him though. Howard wanted to bring her to the broadcast they were doing from the party but he wasn't able to find her. He wasn't even able to find Artie because the party was so packed.
Artie said that he went back out and mingled for a short time but it was so packed he couldn't find anyone. Robin said she got on the Superfan Roundtable and then sat in on the Wrap Up Show for a while. She said that Richard Christy was loaded by that time. Howard said he did the Wrap Up Show for about an hour himself. Artie said that Richard was so wasted that he just kept talking about how he had to take a piss but he loves everyone he was with.
Howard said he missed out on getting loaded because he was so busy. He said that he had some trouble getting a vodka with grapefruit juice and his glass smelled funny so he was all bummed out. Richard Christy was saying that the vodka that he was drinking tasted like dog poop to him. Howard said it didn't taste right to him either.
Howard said he went to Scores and Bubba pulled his girl's top off so he got to see her tits. He said that they were perfect too.
Brian Phelan came in and said that Richard was acting very gay that night when he was drunk. A caller asked if he could get in on the next roast which is supposed to be Artie. Howard didn't even know they were planning it yet but he put the guy on hold so they could book him.
Howard said that Kenneth Keith Kallenbach was at the after party. Bubba then invited him to go to Scores so that's where they all went. The Asian chick who had her puss shocked was there dancing for them and she doesn't even work there.
Rita Cosby interviewed him and her voice was shot. He goofed on her a little bit but they cut out all of that funny stuff. In her clip she played Howard talking about how important the film festival was to him. JD came in a short time later and said that they're saying that they're going to air the full version of that interview tonight on MSNBC. Howard was asked if he would see the movie ''United 93'' after being asked about his film festival. Howard said he can't see that movie because it was such a bad time for him.
Rita asked Howard about what he thinks about Brad and Angelina's baby. He said he must have been asked about that about 9 million times. He also commented on Tom Cruise and what a strange guy he is. Rita gave Howard Stern On Demand a plug and Howard is pretty sure no one knows what she's talking about when she gives him the plug.
Howard said he told Rita that he watches her on FOX News all the time and he's a big fan of hers. She let him know that she's been at MSNBC for 8 months now. He had no idea that she had moved. That happens to him as well because people still come up to him and say that they think he's off of E! now. He hasn't been on E! since December.
Howard played an audio clip from a news report about the 100 Most Influential people and he's on the list. Robin said that David Spade was interviewed about Howard being on the list. Rachel Ray was also on the list so Howard brought up the story that Artie told one time about her. Artie thought that he and Dana had been invited to be on her show but it turns out that they were just invited over to get a tour of her studio. Dana had gone out and gotten a $500 hair cut and got all dressed up for it. Artie said it was kind of awkward so he and Dana got out of there pretty quick.
Artie said that it's at the point where he's just about daring her to leave him. Howard thinks he's going to get that call one day and Dana is going to tell him that her new boyfriend can actually see his own feet. Howard said there were a lot of movies sent in about Artie in his pig costume for the film festival.
Howard said that the kids who played them in the winning film were great. Fred said that he had to go and watch that movie again on Howard TV On Demand because it was so good. The guys talked about some of the other movies that they felt were really good. There was one where the guy had Howard fucking Mancow's father's skull that Howard really liked.
Howard also liked the documentary where this guy scammed JD and made him think that he was a chick and eventually broke the news to JD on a web cam. The woman on the phone told Howard that she didn't expect to meet Howard but she did get to meet the Wack Packers who were hanging around. She said that High Pitch Eric wouldn't come over and say hello to the fans when they called him. She said he would look over at them but not come over. Howard said he thinks that he has an idea for a new movie where he goes behind the scenes of Eric's life.
The caller told Howard that Joey Boots was very nice and came over to talk to all of them when they called him. Gary came in and said that he had a creepy moment at the festival when Sal jumped up and started to do a standing ovation but he was the only one who did. Sal thought that Howard was talking to him directly at one point but he was actually looking at Yucko the Clown who was sitting right behind him. Howard said that Yucko was the only one he noticed because he was in that clown outfit of his.
Gary told Howard that Bob Levy, Sal and Richard also did some things on stage and Levy ended up doing his ass eating thing with a Devil Dog. Howard wondered how Sal and Richard got up there because he didn't see anything on the schedule about that. Gary told Howard about how they ended up doing the Devil Dog thing with one of the girls who was back stage. Artie said he's told Levy not to do that at shows because it's very hard to follow an act like that.
Gary said he knows that if Howard knew about it, he wouldn't have liked it. Howard had no idea it was going on and he said he would have gotten upset if he did know about it. He said he wanted to have Sour Shoes playing for the crowd or something like that, not Bob Levy eating ass. Artie said that people were kind of weirded out by that whole thing. Red Peters had to follow that act and Artie said it was weird.
Howard took a call from Bong Hit Bill who got Howard talking about Beth and whether or not she's going to do Dancing with the Stars. Howard said that it seems like Beth doesn't want to do it but she really is undecided about the whole thing. She's supposed to have a conversation with her agent and some other people who are going to convince her that she can do the show by only being out in California for 2 days a week. Bill said that there are betting web sites out taking bets on whether or not she'll be doing it. Howard said that people should probably lean toward the ''no'' bet from what he's seen.
Howard said that he and Beth were out on Long Island over the weekend and they had a great time out there. He said that they were out on chaise lounges just hanging out and resting. Artie said that he was watching an episode of ''American Chopper'' where they built a bike for Billy Joel and Joel's house looked really nice. He said it's a beautiful estate. Howard has been there so he told Artie that it really is nice and it's not that far out on Long Island.
The Long Island house discussions led to them talking about Seinfeld's $32 million home out on Long Island and how prices have shot up out there because of that sale alone. Bong Hit Bill asked Howard about last week's ''Survivor'' which they really liked. Howard said that the guy, Terry, who is winning everything is a real man to him. He was also saying that he stayed up and watched ''The Sopranos'' last night. Robin said that she wasn't even able to stay up to watch that.
Bong Hit Bill asked to be on the list for the Artie roast but Gary told them that they don't even have a date for that roast yet. Howard said that he knew this was going to happen. He said ''no more'' after putting Bill on hold for the roast.
Howard said that JJ Abrams was going to be stopping by the show today. He said that guy put his daughters in an episode of Felicity one time when they all went to visit the set of the show one time. JJ is also the guy who created ''Lost'' and directed the latest ''Mission Impossible'' movie. Howard had to go to break a short time after that.
Richard called back during another segment as the same person and asks another guest if she ever shit blood when she went over to India. The host hung up on him again.
Howard played the first call Richard made to the show where he told the hosts that he was sitting home jerking off to them. Howard said you have to see these women because no guy is sitting home and jerking off to them.
Howard interrupted and asked Artie what happened to his tux on Thursday. Artie said he went to try the tux on and it didn't fit when he got it home. He said that he told them he needed a 42 and it didn't fit when he got it home so he just wore his sport jacket and corduroy pants. Howard told him he was really good at the festival though and the clothes didn't seem to matter.
Artie told Howard he did a great job with his ''Wah's'' at the festival. Howard told him that Fred wrote those for him. Artie said he used some jokes that Sal and Richard wrote for him. He said that he actually stole a joke from a Jerry Stiller Roast to use on Sam Simon when he was goofing on him. He didn't know who he stole the joke from though.
Gary said that Cabbie is also pissed at Dominic Barbara who he thinks left him out to dry. Cabbie is also asking for people to mail him because he doesn't feel he's getting enough right now. Gary said that they'll have an address up on their web site today for those people who do want to mail him.
Howard said he would tell Cabbie that things aren't that great outside of jail. Robin said that he should tell Cabbie that he definitely doesn't want to go back to K-Rock. Howard said he did send him a note that was about 7 lines long but he didn't want to say anything that might offend him because he's so easily offended.
Gary said that Cabbie is asking for some books to read and the only way he can get them is for the publisher to send them to him. He's looking for some classics from Walt Whitman and others like that. Howard said he zones out when he reads stuff like that. His kids are into poetry and stuff but not him. Gary asked the guys if anyone in the studio reads poetry. Artie said he's tried to do that but he can't get through it.
Gary said that Cabbie told him he needs a lawyer to come and visit him up there at the mental facility because that's the only way he can get to speak to one. Cabbie is also saying that ''Cabbie is dead'' and his name is Lee. Howard said he got a note about that and Cabbie was telling him that both Cabbie and Lee had died in jail and he's got a new name now. He's not sure what that is though.
Artie pointed out that Dan had written the ''Robin's Bunghole'' song parody which everyone liked a lot. Howard had Fred play that one which was a parody of the Guns N Roses song ''Welcome to the Jungle.''
Howard said he got the fight wrong. Joey was on the phone and said that it was Double A who tried to start a fight with him at the festival. He said that Double A had elbowed him in the stomach and tried to start things. He said that Double A was wearing his wrestling belt at the festival like it gives him some kind of power. Howard said that Doug Goodstein was telling him how he hates Double A and he'd like to ban him from the show. He somehow snuck his girlfriend into the After Party even though she wasn't invited.
Howard said that those guys from In Demand did a great job there. He got a note from Doug who said that Double A was hounding them for another ticket and they kept turning him down. He ended up disrespecting them by sneaking someone in and then walking out with four gift bags. Doug said he actually turned his brother down from coming so he could invite other people. He said that Double A isn't cool and wants him banned from the show.
Doug came in and said that Double A made him sick by calling in and bothering him so much. Doug also heard that High Pitch Eric had walked out of a bar without paying his bill. Doug said he had to thank everyone who worked on that festival from the marketing girls to their editor. He also said that they should have the Film Festival up on Howard TV On Demand by Friday if things go the way they plan.
Dan the Song Parody Man called in and said that things get blown out of proportion and he wasn't stealing Sal's champagne. He was jokingly handing it to Benjy. There was also a discussion about Dan having filled his bag with chicken wings from a comedy club one time. Dan said that wasn't true either. He never did anything like that. Howard heard that Dan doesn't have his own place so he mooches off of friends. Dan said that's not exactly true. He said he's been taking over the payments from this guy Beecher from Beecher's Mad House in Las Vegas for an apartment.
Gary heard that Dan just roams from apartment to apartment but Dan said he's been living at this place for about 2 years now and Beecher has only been there for about 4 total days since he took over payments. He got in a plug for his friend who sang the vocals on the song parody that Howard had played earlier. The guy's name is Rob Feffer and you can find out more about his band at FeffBand.com.
There were some other arguments about the other entries in the festival. Howard thought that Robin and Fred's movie wasn't all that great. Howard was saying that Bubba the Love Sponge and his crew were the best dressed at the event. The guys were going back and forth on all of the movies and Fred said he wants his bottle of champagne back because Robin moved too fast when she gave it to Sal.
Lisa said that they're going to be talking to each of the 3 kids who were in the winning film ''Radio Play.'' Artie said they should have them in the studio to talk to them as well. Lisa said they're going to be talking to Denny Terrio who is on SIRIUS with his own show. He used to make appearances on The Howard Stern Show so he'll be talking about those days.
Howard asked Scott what he won for getting first place. Scott went through some of the stuff and said that the prizes were great but the experience was really great as well. Howard asked him how long it took for him to come up with the concept. Scott said he was coming up with a lot of ideas but they involved having Howard or Artie actually appearing in the movie. He eventually came up with the idea to have kids playing Howard, Robin and Fred as if they had met back in the 1960s via Ham Radio.
Scott said he had to cut the movie down from 8 minutes to 5 minutes for the festival. Artie asked Scott if he ever thought about bringing in another reference like having a Jackie character or Baba Booey come in at the last minute. Scott said he thought about it but he had to keep it tight.
Scott said that the mother of the child who played Howard is a huge fan of the show and the kid's birthday is even the same as Howard's. Howard told Scott that he hopes this brings him some opportunities in the film industry. He said that Beth really loved the movie when he showed it to her over the weekend.
Robin said that Richard Roeper turned to her after seeing the movie and said ''That's the winner.'' It was that good. Scott said he really appreciates the win and the other films that were in the top 3 deserved it. Doug Goodstein came in and said that they're going to do a documentary for the guy and interview the kids and hopefully get some raw footage.
Scott said that he shot the movie with a DV camera that had HD abilities but they didn't use the HD part of it. He said that he had a director of photography that helped him out with the look and feel of the movie. Howard said that Todd Phillips and Richard Roeper both said they hope that this guy gets some exposure because he was so good. Scott thanked Howard for everything because he thinks that it was a life changing event.
Robin said that maybe Scott should do only Howard Stern movies. Howard said that's a great idea and they should hire him to do a movie a month about the show.
Howard wrapped up with Scott a short time later and then took a call from a guy, Coach Mike, who claimed that he invented a ''vaginal thermometer'' and he'd like to get Scott to direct a commercial for it. He said that he coaches 9 and 10 year olds and they were asking him how hot a pussy gets so he invented this vaginal thermometer.
Howard asked him what the temperature gets to but the coach wouldn't say. He said that nobody knows the answer and he's keeping it a secret for now. Howard figures that the temperature would be the same temperature as the rest of the body.
Howard asked the coach what this thermometer looks like. Coach said that he made it in the shape of a cock. Howard wondered if this guy is still working as a coach. The guy said that he's working as an iron worker rigger and as a stand-up comic. Howard was going to hang up on him but Coach Mike wondered how he could call in next time. Howard told him to call in the same way he called in today. Coach told him it was too hard to get through that way. Howard let him go anyway and went to commercial break a short time later.
Howard asked how the new Pearl Jam album is. Robin said they're getting great reviews... Howard said they're one of those bands who had five huge albums but you don't know the name of one of them. He said he really likes their song ''Glorified G'' so Fred played that for him.
Robin mentioned that she tried to listen to Cream's song ''Toad'' and it was horrible to her. Howard had Fred play that song for them as well. He said it's not one of their better songs but he didn't think it was that bad. He said they do tend to jam a little too much but they're a great band. Robin said that it was the best thing when that band broke up.
Howard had the Top 5 songs to play so he quickly went through that. It included songs from artists like Natasha Bettingfield, LL Cool J and Jennifer Lopez, Shaun Paul and Daniel Powder. Howard also threw in some song parodies and Jeff the Drunk's cover of Margaritaville.
Howard said he was reading a story about ''American Idol'' in the NY Times where they talked about how just about every network turned down the show before FOX picked it up. UPN turned it down and if they had picked it up, they'd still be around today. It could have made the network.
Howard said that JJ put his kids in an episode of ''Felicity'' and that made him the cool father. JJ said that he's 39 years old now and was about 32 when he was doing ''Felicty.'' He said that was his first big job in the business.
JJ told Howard how he used to mess around making little movies back when he was a kid. Howard pointed out that JJ also created ''Alias'' and co-created ''Lost'' and also directed the latest ''Mission Impossible'' movie. He wrote the movie ''Regarding Henry'' which Robin didn't like. Howard said he liked it though.
Howard asked JJ if he knew that he was going to be a filmmaker when he was growing up. JJ said he felt that's what he was going to do so he was always writing stuff when he was in college. He tried to have fun when he was in school, which wasn't a film school, but he was always writing stuff. He said that his father told him to go to school and learn what to make movies about instead of learning about how to make movies.
JJ said that his father was in the business so he was exposed to the industry from an early age. He told a story about how he had never been able to meet Michael Eisner even after he had done a lot of work for ABC/Disney. He said that Eisner called him one night and said that his father had spoken to him and heard that he hadn't heard from him so he should call him. JJ thought it was going to be some big moment but it turns out his father had called Eisner and told him to call. Howard said that Eisner called him and asked him to do his cable TV show but he turned it down.
Howard asked JJ how he got the big break and ended up with the ''Felicity'' gig. JJ said he wrote a bunch of screenplays when he was in college and they were pretty bad. Howard interrupted him and asked him about ''Lost'' and if they actually have an ending in mind for the show. JJ said that he had gotten a call from Lloyd Braun who had this idea for a plane crash show and asked him to come up with a bigger concept for the show. He had to do it within a week. JJ said he was hooked up with Damon Lindelof and hit it off with him. They came up with the outline for the show and they got the green light for the pilot at the end of that week. They had 11 weeks to write it, cast it, and film it. JJ decided to direct it himself. Then they started to cast it and wrote it around some of the people they hired for the show.
Howard asked JJ to back up and talk about whether or not they have something in mind for the ending of the story. JJ said he's getting to that and told Howard how they came up with a bible for the show where they have stuff where they will talk about where they want to go with the show. JJ said that they do have in mind what the Hatch is and what the numbers in the computer mean. They do have to change things along the way though. JJ said they may want the show to go on for 50 seasons so they have to make it work for a long time if they have to.
JJ said that they have to have a lot of things going on with the plot so they can have a few explanations for the stuff that happens. Howard wondered if JJ has told his wife what the end of the show would be like. JJ said he doesn't think she cares. Howard asked if Lloyd Braun knows the end of the show. JJ said that Lloyd is gone from ABC now. They had him doing the intros for the show back when they started it because it was his idea and he got fired before the show went to air.
Howard asked JJ if he would tell a dying kid what the end of the show would be. JJ said in that case they might tell him. He probably wouldn't want to do that because they will adjust the show as it goes along. JJ said that there are probably about 4 people who know the game plan for the show and what the ending really should be. They keep the writing staff pretty small so they can keep that stuff a secret.
Howard changed subjects and asked JJ about his life. He said that it appears that JJ has a crush on Keri Russel because he cast her in ''Felicity'' and even put her in this new ''Mission Impossible'' movie. He asked her if he would like to make love to her. JJ said that this was unbelievable and he's married. Howard asked him if he ever beat off to her image. JJ repeated the unbelievable line and asked Howard if he's ever beat off to Robin. Gary said that he has. Howard also said that he beat off thinking about many women in his movie.
JJ said that when you work with someone it's a totally different thing and he just doesn't do that stuff. Howard figured he had to have beaten off to Jennifer Garner but he denied ever doing that. Robin asked him if he still masturbates. JJ avoided answering any questions like that but Howard wouldn't stop. He told JJ that he must get tempted with some of the women he casts for his shows. JJ said that it's the greatest job ever to have actors come in and work with him.
Gary wanted to ask a couple of ''Lost'' questions. He asked JJ if he's irritated by the amount of repeats that ABC does. JJ said that does bother him because they show it a couple of times a week sometimes. He said that they do 23-24 episodes a season. Howard wondered if he's spreading himself too thin. JJ said he was able to walk away from both ''Alias'' and ''Lost'' and not worry about them because he had people to cover for him. Howard asked him if he was pissed when Jennifer Garner announced she was pregnant. He said it was inevitable that she was going to get pregnant eventually. He said that he was actually the one who let the cat out of the bag about Jennifer being pregnant when some reporter asked him about it.
Gary said that he has a problem with ''Lost'' and how the hot blonde is interested in the big fat guy. Gary also brought up how that the little elf guy is dating Evangeline Lilly but JJ said he's not talking about stuff like that because he got in so much trouble about the Jennifer Garner pregnancy thing. He said he hates to gossip about stuff.
Howard asked JJ if he's seen any of his hot leading ladies naked before. JJ said he's seen some of them in next to nothing but not naked. The guys also asked JJ about Michelle Rodriguez getting arrested for DUI and if she's going to be written out of the show. JJ said they're not writing her out of the show.
Howard asked JJ about ''Mission Impossible III'' and how that all came about. He asked him if Tom Cruise brought up Scientology when they were hanging out. JJ said that he got a call from Tom when they were shooting the pilot for ''Lost'' and was offered to do ''The War of the Worlds'' at first. He couldn't do it because he was busy with ''Lost'' at the time. He turned that job down but Cruise came back to him for ''Mission Impossible III.'' He said that Tom told him that he had watched every episode of ''Alias'' and wanted to hang out with him. He had a meeting with Cruise and Speilberg and it blew him away. He said it was mind blowing to him to be hanging out with the two of them in his office.
Howard was asking JJ if he met Speilberg's kids when he was hanging out with him. Artie started to do an impression of what his kids might be like and had everyone cracking up. JJ was barely able to speak because he was laughing so hard. JJ said that's the reason he bought SIRIUS, so he could hear stuff like that. JJ was also saying that he did meet Tom's kids but not Steven's kids. He said that Tom's kids were great and they weren't acting the way Artie was doing his impression. Howard asked JJ if he got to go to Tom's house. He did get to go there before the baby was born. He hasn't been since the baby came because it's a mob scene over there now.
Howard told JJ that he's not a ''Mission Impossible'' guy so he's not interested in this new one. He asked him how much they spent making this one. JJ said it was somewhere around $150 million. He said he co-wrote the script and he's thinking it's good. He told Howard that they have a team in this one, unlike the first one. He said he loved the team aspect of the Mission Impossible TV show so that's what he brought back in this movie.
Gary came in and interrupted and said that JJ had to get going, he had a plane to catch. Howard asked him if he's getting points on this movie or not. JJ said he got paid a flat fee but he's very happy with that. Howard wanted to know if he got paid over or under $5 million. JJ said he wasn't comfortable talking about that stuff. Ralph called in and said that this movie will be great because he always starts off good but then blows things. He thinks that he'll screw it up like he screwed up ''Lost.'' He also brought up ''Alias'' and said that he was going to start watching it again until he saw Jennifer Garner walking around with that big belly of hers. He turned it right off once he saw that.
Howard told JJ what a big fan of his he is and then wrapped up with him. He gave him a plug for ''Mission Impossible III'' and then went to break.
Howard said that Jewel was up at SIRIUS the other day doing some performances in the Fish Bowl studio but she had some partitions put up so no one could watch her. Gary said he once went to an event where he was told not to look her in her eye. Howard said he was going to watch her do her thing but when he saw what was going on he just left. He said it looked like a whole big thing and he didn't want anything to do with it. Howard thought she was going to come on his show too but Gary told him that may have fallen through.
Howard said he enjoyed talking to JJ Abrams but he had a lot of other questions for him. Artie said he was figuring out what kind of money he must be making because he's got 2 hit shows that are already syndicated and Lost will eventually get there. He figures those three must be at least worth $100 million to JJ. The guys talked about how DVD sales are huge now as well.
Doug asked Double A about walking out with 4 gift bags. Double A said it was only one. Irish John called in and said that he saw next to Double A and Bobo and there were no girls there with him. He knew girls that were there and they said hello to him. Howard said that maybe Doug is wrong about this whole thing. Doug said that if he is wrong, he will apologize.
Joey Boots called in and said that it wasn't just him saying this, it's other people who saw him with other chicks. Boots said that he saw Double A trying to sneak someone into the party. The two of them were talking over each other and Double A wanted to get into a ring with Joey. Joey said he watched him bring this girl into the party and he got caught in a lie. They were going back and forth but Howard cut them off and wanted to move along but they wouldn't stop.
Double A said that there was a huge fan of the show out there saying hello to everyone. Jeff the Drunk called in and said that Double A's girlfriend came up to him and introduced herself. Double A said that the girl who came up to him was just someone he knew.
Doug said that Double A wouldn't let him off the hook on Thursday with the tickets. He kept calling him over and over again and wouldn't take 'no' for an answer. Double A was upset about Doug dissing him like this. Doug said he was going to check some video footage that a fan shot to find out if this really happened. Double A said that he can ban him from the show if his girlfriend was there.
Bobo called in and confirmed Double A's story. So did Angry Black. Angry told Howard that Joey Boots was trying to start trouble outside of the festival that night and he's the one who should be banned. Howard started to wrap up with everyone. Angry got in a few more comments before he got off the phone. He was saying that the black girl, Ettamay Chamberlain, who entered the contest talked his ear off for 40 minutes because she was so pissed that she lost.
Angry was also saying that he got to make out with Victoria Zdrok who was there at the party. He said he ''thinks'' that it was her anyway. He claims that he thinks it was her and he did make out with this chick. Joey Boots was back on the phone. He tried to tell Howard that he did see Double A trying to sneak someone in but everyone started to talk over each other so he got them all off the phone.
Howard said that the news about Rosie O'Donnell replacing Meridith Viera on ''The View'' came out the day of the Film Festival so he was questioned about that. He thinks it's a great idea and she's apparently going to be paid only $2 million a year. He said that's pretty low for Rosie. He said that Star Jones may be upset about it but he figures that she'll stick with the show anyway.
Howard also brought up the story about Rush Limbaugh who was arrested last week but it turns out it was some kind of deal he was working out for some trouble he got into. Robin said that he did get into a lot of trouble but he pleaded not guilty and ended up getting out of it somehow. That led to Howard playing an audio clip from Rush's audio book where he talks about drug abuse and how abusers should be sent to prison, no questions asked, because they're dangerous to society. Then Rush gets arrested for prescription drug problems. Howard played some clips that Richard Christy put together using clips from Rush's book. That got Artie laughing pretty hard.
One guy called in and said that he loved Howard's film festival entry ''Fred.'' Howard said that he was shocked when his film came in third place in the staff entries. Howard said he had tried to explain to the judges why he had done what he had done and that may have gotten him some points.
George Flowers was in to give a Howard 100 News preview. He got the guys talking about the Film Festival and the staff entries. That led to Howard, Robin and Fred arguing about their first place win in the staff entries. Fred thought that Sal's movie wasn't a real movie, it was just a bit. Sal came in and tried to defend himself and wondered why all of this was coming back on him.
Sal was saying that the end of Fred and Robin's movie was great but it lagged a little in the middle. Howard wanted to hear from Jon Hein. Jon said that he would have given it to Sal and not to Ralph. Howard thought that Ralph deserved to win. Ralph was on the phone a minute later and said that he thinks that the order got reversed and his should have actually been in first place.
George Flowers gave the rest of his preview of today's Howard 100 News. Howard asked him if they are going to do an investigation into whether or not Double A snuck a girl into the After Party last week. George said he'd bring that up and see what they could do. Jon Hein was in to give his Wrap Up Show preview next. He mentioned some of the stuff they'd be talking about on that show today. They'll be talking about the guests and about some of the stuff that went on during today's Stern show.
Howard was going to have Robin start her news but he replayed a prank call that Sal and Richard made to Crazy Alice last week. He had Artie doing his impression of Alice a little bit as well. He had to go to break a short time later.
Howard said that a lot of people have written in about Richard Christy not brushing his teeth or taking a shower daily. One person wrote in and said that Howard sounds happy these days and it makes for a better show when he is happy. That person also thinks that Beth O should be doing the Dancing with the Stars show.
Gary came in and told Howard that Sal is under the impression that he has hung out with Richard on a personal level outside of the show and it's driving him nuts. He was trying to keep it quiet because Sal couldn't hear the show where he was at.
Howard read through some other e-mail and then said that he and Richard have been spending some time together in the Hamptons. He said that he's been having a great time together out there. Richard came in and played along with the story just to drive Sal nuts. Sal came in and said he doesn't understand that. He said it makes sense to him because they both live in the city. He said that he knew that Richard and Howard hung out on Easter.
Sal said that there are some people who say that they can't hang out with Richard anymore. Howard told Sal that Richard has become one of his closest friends and they've been spending a lot of time together outside of the show. Sal said it kind of hurts that they're spending so much time together but he's kind of glad that they kept it a secret.
Howard kept the story going and said that Richard was driving his car all weekend. Sal said that's bullshit and he can't believe this. Sal said it really hurts that this is going on. Artie said that it kind of hurts him too because he lives near the city and he never gets invited.
Ralph called in and said that he doesn't get it either. He said that Richard is disgusting and doesn't shower so he's not sure how Howard could hang out with someone like that. Richard said he takes a shower on the weekend when they hang out. Howard and Richard said that they also work out at the gym together. Sal couldn't believe that either. He said he would love to hang out with Howard on the weekends and maybe it's time for him to get divorced.
Howard told Sal that he and Richard are hanging out so much together that they've actually pitched a show together to a network and they bought it. The show has been green lit and they're going to be Executive Producers on the show. Sal got pissed when Jason was snapping pictures of him as he was getting upset. Artie was pretending to be upset because he's been trying to pitch ideas for TV shows himself.
Howard told Richard to bring a change of clothes on the night of Robin's party because he's invited to come down to Atlantic City with he and Beth that night. Ralph said that even he wasn't invited down there. Sal was really getting upset that Howard can never find time for him.
Artie said that now he knows why JJ Abrams congratulated Richard before he left. He knew about the TV show thing and that's why it was happening. Howard kept that story going and said that they got a 13 episode green light which is amazing. Artie congratulated him on that too. Sal asked why he wasn't involved in the writing. Howard told him it's going to be a 50/50 split between he and Richard. Then he told Sal that Richard is dating one of Beth's cousins, Lynn Ostrosky.
Sal was putting all of this together into an imaginary explanation for all of the strange things that go on around there. He said that Richard won't date any hot chicks at the comedy shows they go to so he must be avoiding that because he's dating Lynn Ostrosky. Howard said that if Richard marries Lynn and Howard marries Beth, they'd actually be family. Ralph backed that up and said that Lynn is like Beth hot so he doesn't understand her dating Richard.
Howard said that Beth's mother loves Richard more than she loves him. Gary asked Sal where his congratulations are for his good friend Richard. Sal wondered where Richard's apology is for keeping this all behind his back. Howard thanked Richard for coming up with the idea for the TV sitcom and for keeping Lynn happy.
Sal said that he always knew in the back of his head that this was going on. He said that Gary blew it today when he said something to him... That's when Howard broke the news to him that they were goofing on him. Howard told him that they had just made all of this stuff up to goof on him. Sal couldn't believe it and didn't know how Ralph was in on it. Howard and the guys said that the whole audience knew what they were up to. Sal said he hates them all but he did think it was funny. Howard told him to get out of there because he's an idiot. Sal was very happy and said that he felt like he had just won the lottery or something.
Artie said that was perfect. Ralph said he almost burst out laughing about 5 times. Howard was just about laughing at Sal too. He said he thought Sal would have figured it out when he brought up the double wedding thing. He had Robin start her news after that.
Jeff the Drunk called in and said that the Sal bit was hilarious but he didn't know it was a joke so he was falling for it as well.
Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:20am.
Howard started off the morning talking about a story in Page Six about how he was talking about Richard Roeper's girlfriend who brought home girls for Richard. He said he was wondering at the time he was asking her about that if it would end up in Page Six and that's exactly where it ended up. He replayed some of that interview from the Wrap Up Show that they recorded live at the Film Festival After Party. Richard Roeper had no comment but his girlfriend was willing to talk about bringing home a girl for him.
Howard said that it was really noisy in that room where they were doing the broadcast from. He said that Richard's girlfriend was really hot and almost as hot as the girl Joe Francis had with him there. Robin agreed that she was very hot. Artie thought that Joe's girl was a little over rated by Howard but he was lit so he's not sure about that.
Howard said that it was pretty interesting to learn that about Richard Roeper. He also got a glimpse into Sam Simon's life when Ivy Supersonic appeared on the Wrap Up Show and talked about sleeping with Sam one night. Howard explained her story and how she thinks that FOX ripped off a cartoon character that she created so Sam took advantage of that and managed to get her in bed one night.
Howard played the audio where Ivy was talking about her character the ''Sqrat'' which FOX allegedly ripped off and used in their movie ''Ice Age.'' She said that Sam told her he was going to help her get the cartoon put out and she thinks he did that just to sleep with her. Sal said that he heard that Ivy was offered a $300,000 settlement from FOX and she turned it down and lost the case so she's out all of that money.
Howard said that Ivy was apparently complaining about Sam handing out $100 bills to people when they were out eating and stuff. He said they did get a glimpse into Sam's life in that story. Artie said he saw Sam and Ivy talking the night of Howard's birthday party so that's where they met. Artie and Dana were heading out that night and saw Sam and Ivy out by the coat check. Artie said that Ivy is always wearing enormous hats so that's how he recognizes her.
Howard said that there are a lot of entertainers out there who lie about their age and he thinks that Jenny McCarthy is still claiming that she's 31. Artie said that Ralph says he's only 38 but Howard said that he's actually like 42. That led to Howard saying that he saw Ralph talking to Akira the puss shocking chick. He got to mess around with her and they've been calling each other since then.
Artie said that Stuttering John used to lie about his age and would take 2 years off his age until Howard and Robin busted him on the air.
Howard played some of DMX's latest song and then brought up the news clip he played recently where this guy Baba Louie had passed away. It turns out that guy was a fan of the show. He replayed the audio clip where the reporter did a report on the guy passing away at the age of 55. The guy sent them a letter back in December 2003 telling them what a fan of the show he was. He was pitching a robotic sex simulator that sounded similar to the Sybian. They never contacted him back. The guy died while trying to save his dog.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who said that he was reading an article about Howard being voted one of Most Influential People by Time Magazine. David Spade wrote a note about Howard after being asked to do that. Howard said he had nothing to do with picking David but his people thought he had hand picked him. The caller said that Spade's comments didn't really mention SIRIUS at all. Howard said the article was all good but it wasn't really written by someone who understands his contributions.
Howard said he was going to call Spade to thank him for the comments in Time magazine but he has changed his cell phone number again. He called Gary to get the cell number but Gary wasn't able to get it from him because Spade won't give it to him. He said he had to chase it down and thought that was kind of ridiculous.
Howard read the article that Spade wrote. Spade says he's a hard core fan of the show but didn't start listening until the mid 90's. Spade says that Howard can still make him laugh 10 years after he started listening. The report was very nice coming from Spade but he didn't think Spade explained how Howard Stern is influential.
Artie thought the letter was insanely complimentary but Howard still didn't seem to like it as much as he did. Howard said that they could have talked about how he influenced the radio business or something like that. He said he thinks he's personally responsible for changing radio and revolutionizing TV as we know it today. Robin read about JJ Abrams who had an article written about him by Tom Cruise. Cruise was kissing his ass like no one could. Robin said that's the kind of stuff Spade should have been writing about Howard.
Howard said that even though he's on the Time 100 List, he's still not happy. He wants to call Spade and bust his balls about what he wrote. He's pretty sure he won't be on the list next year so they won't be able to get someone to write glowing things about the way he influenced the business. He said that he should have Jimmy Kimmel write an article about him because Jimmy worships him.
Howard continued to goof on Spade for a short time. He also brought up the Hot Pockets reference in the article which led to him talking about how many awful foods there are out there. He said he used to eat Pizza Pockets when he was young and it was the worst shit on the planet. He said he also used to eat TV dinners and stuff that were really bad. Howard said he used to go to a fast food restaurant called Wetsons that came around before White Castle and McDonalds and they ended up blowing it. They had the same kind of garbage that McDonalds did but they got blown out of the water.
Artie said that out in California they can support like 7 different fast food restaurants like In and Out, Astroburger, Jack in the Box and a bunch of others. He said that Astroburger is great and he used to go there when he was working on MAD TV. Howard said he used to love Roy Rogers years ago. There aren't many of them around anymore. Howard said he used to pack on a ton of weight eating crap from Roy Rogers. He used to eat burgers and apple pies from that place and he really didn't care back then. Robin used to eat with him too. Howard bought a pair of stretch pants so he could just eat and expand.
Artie said he used to get a McDonalds Apple Pie when he used to play baseball in school and it was so good. Howard said he was getting really sick back when he was eating all of that kind of crap so he went to the doctor and that guy told him he was dying from eating all of that crap. His immune system was shot so the doctor told him to diet, start eating properly and join a gym. That's when he started working out and eating the right foods.
Howard said that he slimmmed down and now he looks like a 52 year old rotting corpse. He was still living at home with his parents at the time and his parents actually had an intervention with him and told him that he had to do something about being fat.
Robin brought up Artie's fat that was measured the other day. The guys talked to Artie about his weight losses and gains since he's been on the show. Artie said his weight goes up and down all the time so it's not unusual for him to do that. Howard thinks that Artie slimmed down last summer because he was doing his movie ''Beer League'' but Artie made it seem like it's just his weight going up and down.
Ettamay said that she is in the film business and you can find out more about her company at GoldenHillPictures.com. Artie wondered where some of the other films placed because he wasn't sure where they all came in. He thought that ''Trapped in the Attic'' should have come in close to the top and so should Ettamay's.
Howard told Ettamay that she sounds like a housekeeper with her accent. She said she's from an island off of Honduras so that's where the accent came from. She told Howard that she's never been a housekeeper. Howard said that Ettamay was the name of Whoopi Goldberg's character in ''Ghost.''
Howard told Ettamay that she's a very beautiful woman too. Ettamay said she wanted to send him and Robin a gift of 3 of her best films. Howard said he'd like to see them even though she pronounces the word film ''fill-em.'' Howard gave her another plug for her web site and said that he just found out that it wasn't Ettamay in ''Ghost'' it was Ottamay. He let Ettamay go right after that.
Gary came in and told Howard that he's got some audio clips to play from Riley Martin's show that aired last night. He said the whole thing is a riot. Robin said she can't believe she missed his show again. She forgot it was on last night. Howard did a little more of his impression of Riley and goofed on him a little bit. Gary was telling Howard about some of the stuff that Riley was talking about on the show and had him going pretty good.
Richard Christy said he was trying to get through last night but they were really paranoid about prank calls so they'd only let the people speak for about 10 seconds before fading them down. Howard went to break a short time later.
Lisa told Howard that Jason and Will have a new Page 69 segment. They'll also be talking to Tommy Chong about his new book ''The I Chong : Meditations from the Joint.'' They'll also be doing a report about Benjy's web site BenjyBronk.com which doesn't have much of anything on it at this point. Lisa also got in a plug for The Sex Connection show that will be airing tonight at 7pm. Victoria Zdrok hosts that show. Howard said he heard she was at the film festival and if he knew that he would have brought her up on stage.
Howard spent a minute talking about how Victoria Zdrok has a 4 inch long clitoris and he saw it in Penthouse magazine. He said it really freaked him out because it's a little too ''pee-nye'' like for him. He said it probably wouldn't slow him down from banging her though.
Howard said that this guy sounds all pervy to him so he believes he could be a priest. Will said that he's been a priest since 1990 and he didn't feel this way when he first started out. He can't speak to anyone else at the church but he knows he needs help.
Will described the 16 year old boy that he's interested in and said that he doesn't want anything to happen to him. Howard told him that he's probably the last person he should be going to for something like this. Will told Howard that he believes he's a good man so that's why he's coming to him. Howard told him that maybe he should chop off his wiener, that might take care of his problems. He hung up on the guy a short time later. Howard goofed on the guy for a short time and then moved on to Riley Martin audio clips.
Riley described the reptilian types, the bug types and others. Artie was laughing and saying that this was great radio. Riley claims that he's studying the technology of the ''skreed.''
Howard interrupted and said he found out that the Howard 100 News department tracked down video of Double A taking at least 2 gift bags out of the Howard Stern Film Festival After Party. Howard tried to get Joey Boots on the phone but it sounded like he was asleep. Gary said that Double A may have jammed a third bag into the two bags he was carrying out of the hotel that night.
Howard took a call from a guy who suggested that Howard create a third channel that he could call the Who Gives a Shit channel that Howard has mentioned before. Howard said he could do that with the third channel he has the option to start. Artie said that he actually does give a shit about Riley though. He likes to hear this stuff that he talks about.
Howard got back to the Riley Martin audio clips and listened in on some more of that. Howard said that Riley is as whacked out as Mariah Carey was when she was leaving the messages for her ''lambs'' a few years back. He said they stopped her from doing that for a while but now she's back to doing them again. He played one of her messages where she lets out this little squeak at the start of her message. He said she does that at the start and the end of her message. Mariah tells her fans how much she ''loves, appreciates and enjoys'' them. Howard said that's one of her catch phrases. She ends her message with the squeaky voice which Howard seems to hate.
Howard asked whose messages were kookier, Mariah's or Riley's. Robin said that they're both pretty wacky. Howard played more of Riley's audio clips and did his impression of him a little more. He wondered if Robin wanted to hear more of Riley's nonsense of if she wanted him to move on. Robin told him she wanted to hear more. Howard played more of Riley talking about the alien home planet and how large that is. He described the population on the planet Biavia and how they keep their population from getting over crowded.
Melrose Larry Green called in and said that Artie is going to be on Jimmy Kimmel's show. Artie said it's not until May 19th though. Melrose has his tickets already and he'll be wearing his raccoon hat that night. Howard said that Jimmy's show doesn't come on until like 12:06 in the morning. He watched the show recently where Adam Carolla made an appearance and thought it was really good, but it wasn't on until 12:06. Melrose said that Teri Hatcher and Hoobastank will be on the show the same night Artie is on.
Melrose said that he got an invite for the film festival but he couldn't make it, he's looking forward to the L.A. Film Festival. Melrose also mentioned that he was at an Immigrant march yesterday and he thinks that it was a big waste of time. He said that he thinks that all illegal immigrants should be deported. Howard said the government had the perfect chance to get rid of some illegals yesterday at the protests but they just sat back and didn't do anything.
Howard let Melrose go and took another phone call. The caller said that he was listening to Riley's show last night and thought it was a goof but ended up getting wrapped up in the whole show after listening for a while. Howard mentioned Victoria Zdrok's show that's airing tonight.
Gary asked Howard if he knew what tea bagging is all about. Howard thought it was dipping your balls in a girl's mouth but Gary thought that it's actually when you dip your balls in a girl's eye sockets. They did a Google search for the term and found that it was either dipping the balls in a girls mouth or on her forehead.
Howard had Gary bring in the girl who was there to do this whole thing. She came in and Howard said she looked a little like Jaime Presley. She's from Australia so she had a bit of an accent. Howard found out she's been in this country for 5 years now and she does have a green card. She said she got the card for being an adult film star. She said she's done a bunch of movies and said that she's done double anal penetration in one movie. Howard said she's a tiny girl and he can't imagine that going on with her. She said it took a little time to get it going but they made it happen.
Gary asked her if she has dated anyone famous. She said that she dated Jack Osbourne for a few months. She said that he was underage at the time and she didn't bang him. He was only 16 at the time and she was 24. She said that he was grinding on top of her one time and she claims he has a small penis. She said she's never met his parents.
Howard figured that something bad must have happened to this girl in her life. She said that she didn't have any molestation or anything like that. She said that her four brothers are ready to kill her for doing this though. Gary said he heard that she works at a club and on certain occasions she will go with them on vacations. He asked her how much she charges for that. It turns out it'll cost you about $50,000 to take her away and bang her. She said she didn't want to bring that up.
Gary asked what that fifty grand will get a guy. He hoped that it would get him just about anything he wants. She just laughed and said it would get a guy just about anything. She won't let a guy urinate on her or crap on her.
Howard brought up how she got on the show and how she was supposed to come in and get tea bagged. She described what she thinks tea bagging is all about. She said that it's putting the balls in a girls mouth or on her forehead. The whole thing was brought about when Norelco came out with this body groomer shaver that can be used on a guy's balls. They even have an attachment that can be used around the butt hole and taint.
Howard brought in one guy who wanted to have his balls shaved. He said the guy's name was Lester (Beetlejuice). Gary told Howard that Lester was locked in the bathroom so he needed a couple of minutes to get him out. The Penthouse Executive Club chick said that she was going to do the shaving herself so maybe Lester was afraid.
Lester came in a short time later and Jodie (Howard finally gave her name) laughed when she saw him walk in. Lester wasn't happy this morning and he wanted nothing to do with this. Jodie begged him to let her shave his balls. She said that he was crying but Beet said that he wasn't crying and he wasn't going to get his balls shaved. Gary told Howard that Lester drank last night and got hungover so that's why he wasn't happy.
Howard told Beet that he lined this girl up just for him but Beet didn't want her shaving his balls. He didn't want to sit on her head either. Gary told Howard that Beet can't sit on the couch for reasons he hadn't explained yet. Jodie offered to let him sit on her lap but Beet didn't even want to do that. Howard asked her to show him her boobs so she whipped them out for him. She begged him to come sit on her lap but it wasn't happening.
Beet got on the couch and Jodie put her arm around him. Beet really didn't care about her and didn't seem to want to be there at all. Gary said that a real man would let her shave his balls and sit on her head. Howard said that he used to be a happy guy. Beet was sitting there naked according to Howard. Gary said that if Beet doesn't want to do it, Dominic would do it. Gary wasn't even sure what that meant but that's what he was told to say to Beet to get him to do it.
Howard told Beet to check out her bra and then had Jodie get up to show Beet her ass. Beet didn't care about that and wouldn't cooperate with them at all. Beet told the guys he's got no balls. Jodie had him stand up on the couch and then let Jodie go in to shave his balls. He said that doesn't bother him. Jodie was shaving him down and Beet said he didn't feel a thing.
Howard told Jodie to get on the floor so Beet could sit on her head. She got down and Beet snapped out of his funk and got into it. Howard said that Beet was finally getting happy. He told Beet he had to sit on her forehead and put his balls on her forehead. Beetlejuice finally did it and Jodie told him that his balls were silky smooth. Howard asked her how he smelled down there. Gary told Howard that Beet had just taken a dump before he came in the studio. Jodie said he cleaned himself up well though.
Gary suggested that they get Jodie to ride the Sybian before she leaves. Howard asked her if she would ride it and told her about some of the other porn stars who have ridden this thing. He told her that she could ride it and tell them what she thinks about it. She agreed to do it so Gary came in to run the thing for her.
Gary showed her what she was going to do and suggested that she take her underwear off and maybe leave her skirt on. Howard said that she should take it all off but she decided to keep her clothes on. She wanted to keep her panties on but Howard asked her to at least take her skirt off.
Jodie got on and Gary started to ramp up the machine. She said it felt good and got her clitoris in the right spot. Howard had Gary turn it up to about 40 percent. She asked for more so Gary kept it going up and up. She said she wants one for herself. She hopped off at one point and said that she was very sensitive down there. She claimed that she had already finished but stayed on the machine. She said she was all hot and bothered at that point. She claimed that she had an orgasm so Howard let her get off the machine.
Jodie said that her thing was soaking wet and vibrating. Mike Gange asked if she would shave herself. She said that she was all shaved down. Then she showed the guys that she was shaved and Gary noticed that she's having her time of the month. She was a little upset that Gary mentioned that but he claimed that he asked her and she said it was okay to mention.
Howard spoke to Beetlejuice a little bit and got in a plug for the Philips Norelco Men's Bodygroom shaver which you can find out more about at ShaveEverywhere.com. Beetlejuice claimed that he faked his crying to get on Jodie's good side. It worked because she really seemed to like him.
Artie told Beetlejuice that he looked like a fag when he was crying. That got the two of them into a little bit of a battle. Howard asked Beet if he'll go out with Jodie. He said he would go out with her and he might even ask her to marry him. Jodie said that she'd have to sleep on that.
Howard gave Beet a plug for an upcoming gig he has where he'll be coming out of retirement to be dwarf tossed. He's going to be at the Lucky Leprechaun on May 5th. You can find out more at JollyDwarf.com.
Artie tried to get Beet to fight with him a little more but Beet wasn't getting into it that much. Howard asked Beet if his wife is shaved down completely. Beet said he's really not sure about that. Howard also asked him why he doesn't do the dwarf tossing more because he could probably make some good money doing that. Beet said he could do it every day.
Sal the Stockbroker came in and told Howard he found a pair of boxers in the bathroom garbage that could have only come from Beet. Beetlejuice said he cleaned himself up so he should stop with that. He said that when he drinks coffee, that's what happens to him. He messed his pants and cleaned up so no one should be worried about that.
Howard asked Sal if he wanted to bring the underwear into the studio. Gary said he told him not to and Beetlejuice was also asking him not to do it. Sal came in a short time later with the underwear and they did have a little bit of stuff in them. Sal then took them out to show them to Gary. Beetlejuice said he was never coming back again after that. Richard came in and asked if they could have Beetlejuice demonstrate his wiping techniques. Howard didn't want to do that.
Howard said they have to get some pictures of Beet and Jodie up on his web site. Jodie said that you can check her out at JodieMoore.com or at PenthouseExecutiveClub.com. Gary interrupted and said that Sal and Richard are willing to take bids to wear Beet's underwear on their heads. Beet didn't think that was cool and didn't want them wearing it. He said he would leave if they did that.
Sal said he'd take $800 to do it but Richard undercut him at $700. Then Sal came down to $600. Richard went right down to $500. Sal told Richard to take it at $500. Richard said he might puke so they need a garbage can in there. Sal was going to put the underwear on him and said he wouldn't rub it in.
Sal put the underwear on his head and Richard started to dry heave immediately. He was heaving and spitting up. Benjy said that there was shit on his face. Richard said he doesn't know what Beet ate but it really stunk. Richard had shit on his face so that freaked him out even more. Robin told him to go to the bathroom and wash his face. He was still dry heaving though so he couldn't leave. Howard told him he'll give him the $500 later on.
Sal got pissed when Richard rubbed his face on his shirt. That led to a fight between Richard and Sal so Howard had to break that up quickly. He wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard said this will air on Howard TV soon and it may have been one of the funniest things they've done so far. Another phone caller asked if Beet was okay after the segment. Howard said that Beet was fine when he was leaving but Robin said that Beetlejuice was almost crying when they brought in his dirty underwear.
The caller said that he's going in for a biopsy tomorrow and he's been sick for a while now. He's got four subscriptions right now and he claims that he has it in his will to keep those subscriptions going even if he passes away. Howard wished him luck and let him off the phone.
Howard took a call from a guy who thought that segment was a great bit. He said that the Sal and Richard bit yesterday was great as well when they jerked Sal around making him thing that Richard had been hanging out with Howard outside of the show. Howard said some people thought Sal was putting that on but he really was sucked into the whole story and was really bumming out.
Jeff the Drunk called in and asked if it was Howard's mother's birthday. He thought he heard Howard say that but Howard said her birthday is October 22nd. Jeff said that it's his birthday today. Howard pointed out that Jeff is still stuck in that rut of his life and drinking, taking SSI and using food stamps to buy food. Jeff is 39 years old. Howard told him that maybe he should go out and get a job, try mowing a lawn or something. He wished him a happy birthday but Jeff just hung up without saying a word.
Bong Hit Eric called in and said that he loves Howard TV because they get the shows on so quick. It's so much better than the E! show was. He said that all of those guys have been doing a great job. He thought that Howard had been giving Doug a hard time lately but Howard doesn't believe that's true. Howard explained that sometimes you have to hate the people you love and he had to wake Doug up out of his coma. Bong Hit asked Artie what he had eaten today. Artie said he only had one Devil Dog this morning. Howard let Eric go and took some other calls.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that today he wished that he was a tiny headed, black midget today. Howard said that Jodie Moore was treating Beet really well when she was shaving him down.
Jeff the Drunk called back and complained that they were talking shit about him. Howard said that he was just saying that it must be a bad day for Jeff when another year goes by in his life and he still doesn't have a job. Jeff didn't have much of a comeback for him, he just said ''Fine, be that way!'' and hung up again. Artie said that this is probably the day where Jeff relaxes after doing nothing all year.
Howard said there was a phony article written on April 1st about how DJs around the country are subscribing to SIRIUS so they don't have to hire writers. Howard said that led to him thinking about going through the list of names to see what kind of people are actually subscribing to the service.
Howard said that SIRIUS made a big announcement today. He read through the press release and said that they had over 4 million subscribers. They also took on more subscribers than XM did in the first quarter of this year. They're estimating that they'll have over 6 million by the end of the year. SIRIUS also believes that they'll show a profit soon. They're also going to be announcing a new, live, wearable radio this summer. Howard's show will also be available for streaming by Father's day which is about a month and a half away.
Howard wondered what Jeff the Drunk wanted him to say about his birthday. Robin said he probably wanted him to get all excited about it. Howard said that's kind of childish, the guy is 39 years old and he's still into his birthday.
Howard said that the wearable SIRIUS is going to be great. He went on to read the latest XM press release where they talk about their loss widening and that they're being investigated by the Feds.
Howard read through some other news articles including one about the FCC going after media conglomerates about indecency. He read another one about a radio host, Phil Hendry, who will be retiring from radio and going to do other things. Howard once sat in on his show and the guy pretends to be the guests he has on the show. The guy is so good that the fans would call in and yell at the guests.
Howard said that Rosie O'Donnell is coming back to TV even after she claimed that she was going away to raise a family. He said that Rosie had only 2 million viewers when she was on TV and right now SIRIUS has 4 million subscribers so it sure doesn't sound like she had that many viewers.
Howard read some other articles about radio stations that are failing since he left. WJFK in Washington DC has gone down in the ratings. So did KLSX which went down to number 27 in the ratings after he left. Howard said he's glad he got out when he did. He had done everything he wanted to when he was on terrestrial.
Howard said that Mancow is trying to get in on his stations now and he's showing up on the cover of Billboard Radio Monitor every month now. He's trying to get syndicated but he's pretty sure he's not picking up anything. Howard said he heard that Mancow is actually a nice guy. He hopes he gets some stations and goes up against Opie and Anthony and bashes their brains in. He'd love that to happen. Let them get some radio wars going. Robin said she thought that you had to be good in your local market to get syndicated. Howard said he was looking at the Chicago top 10 ratings and didn't see Mancow in there.
Gary said he used to listen to tapes of Mancow and the show was always very frantic. Now he's heard that he doesn't do that kind of show anymore and he's become a right wing type now. Artie said he heard that Mancow was like a Greaseman type but Howard told him he's not as bad as the Greaseman.
Gary said that he heard that Mancow is now a Christian and a comedian they know got in trouble when he said something off the air in front of the boss at the station. Gary was also saying that a lot of these radio guys claim that Howard is old so he's over but some of those guys are almost as old as Howard is.
Howard ended up replaying the Mariah Carey audio clip that he played earlier in the show. He was using her line about loving, needing and appreciating the fans. Howard said they have to isolate that clip where she squeals. He said that the love, appreciate and enjoy line should be what his fans say to him when they call in. He said that she sickens him when he hears that. He pictures her laying around in an open robe with fuzzy slippers and her big thighs and big bush hanging out.
Howard said that a hockey player slipped and said ''shit'' on the air recently but there isn't much of an uproar over that. He said that they did apologize for that a little later on and said that they would have edited that out if they weren't live on the air. Nobody complained because no one is watching hockey anymore.
Howard said that some of the guys on The Sopranos are getting into trouble lately. He said that Artie Bucco got into trouble recently and another guy just got in trouble this past week or so. Robert Iler got in trouble a couple of years ago and so did the guy who plays Big Pussy. He's starting to think that these guys aren't actors, they're the real thing.
Gary said he was talking to Scott's wife recently and she's kind of upset that her son is going to Europe soon. They sat him down and lectured their son about drugs and condom use but he's in his 20s now. Robin asked Scott what they told him in that discussion. Scott said they told him to be careful with the drug thing. He said that smoking pot is fine though.
Howard got a note from Benjy where he said that Scott's son will be playing in some city that Howard had never heard of. Sal told Howard that he heard that band's stuff and it was like dog shit. Howard told Sal he's heard his music from when he was a kid and that wasn't so great. Sal agreed with that. Fred played some of Sal's awful rap music and then Howard played a bit of Dog Eat Dog's stuff. Fred said that Scott sent him a clip the other day and it had a bit of one of the songs in it. Now he knows why Scott sent him the clip.
Howard played the Dog Eat Dog song and he thought it sounded kind of like a Counting Crows thing. Scott said that they have some heavier stuff too. Howard thought it sounded a little gay to him. Scott had him play ''MILF'' which was a bit heavier. As soon as Howard heard it he said it was better than the last one. He said that one wasn't gay and he liked some of the lyrics.
Howard tried another track and thought that one started out pretty good. He didn't make it through a lot of that song. Scott said that the band was blown away when they heard his son play guitar so they hired him.
Howard read an article about the camera and said he thinks it's a good idea. The police department is putting the cameras up all over the city now. Howard was saying he thought it was a great idea but Artie said he's kind of freaked out by it. Howard said he's afraid he might get caught doing something crazy and it will end up on tape.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and asked Howard what Beth's decision on doing Dancing with the Stars is. Howard said that Mariann wrote a letter to Beth about how she thinks it's a bad idea to do the show. He said that Beth had a big meeting about the show yesterday and the people in the meeting were telling her that she could do the show by staying out there for only 2 days a week. He said that's easy to say to someone but actually pulling it off is another thing.
Mariann interrupted and said that Howard should tell Beth to think about sitting at home with Howard and Bianca and that will keep her from going. Howard said that Beth told him she doesn't want to do the show but she's still going through with the meetings and stuff. She said she'd like to be able to try the show because of the athletic part of it. She thinks the show is kind of cheesy and weird and she's not sure she'd want to do it. She's taking a couple of weeks to think about doing it.
Howard thinks that Beth has her head screwed on straight and she'll figure it out on her own. Mariann wants to write her another letter to try and convince her not to do it. Howard said he tried to find out what Beth is thinking but he came to a point where she just cut him off and said they're not going to discuss it anymore.
Fred thinks that Beth just wants a sounding board and not a solution from Howard. Howard said he would like to give some advice on the whole thing but Beth doesn't want to hear it. Mariann said that if she really wanted it, she would have taken it right away. Robin thinks that she should ride the whole thing out and let the people keep wooing her the way they are.
Howard said that Beth is out in L.A. Today and she won't be home until Saturday morning. Then they have to go to Robin's party so she's going to be totally wiped out by the time she gets home. Howard let Mariann go a short time later because she seemed to be getting on his nerves.
Howard said he was watching Smallville in HD the other night and noticed that the chick who plays Chloe has zits all over her forehead. He didn't know that before he got HD.
A phone caller told Howard that his film was great and they need more of Fred's funny looks on Howard TV. Howard said he was on SternFanNetwork the other day and some people didn't like his movie. Fred said that those shots in that movie were taken out of context and it made him look like he was nuts. The caller said that he was up there for the Ronnie Roast and got to sit right near Fred. He said it is fascinating to watch him do his thing.
Fred said he felt Howard's movie was very artistic so he was defending the film a little bit. Howard had to defend it as well because some people think that he didn't have all that much to do with the making of the short film. The idea was all Howard and he asked some people to help edit it. Ralph's film was also brought up because other people did a lot of work for Ralph on his short film. Scott DePace did most of the work on it so he came in and said it took him about a day and a half to create it. Ralph was calling him with a lot of changes over that day and a half.
Howard read through some e-mail after that. He said that someone said that Robin shouldn't be allowed to comment on music anymore because of what she was saying yesterday. He interrupted the mail and took a call from Ralph who defended his film. He said that he did have a lot to do with the movie, he directed it and came up with the idea for it. Fred goofed on him a little bit and said that it wasn't a movie, it was a trailer.
Howard told Ralph to talk about hanging out with Akira at Scores the other night. Ralph said he was hitting it off with her and she was really beautiful. She put her phone number in his phone and he has called her back but he's not sure what's going on there. He said he'll have to see what happens. He doesn't want to screw things up by talking about it on the air until after something happens. He said he wants to make sure he can make something happen before he talks about it.
Ralph said he got some pictures at the film festival that he's going to send to them so they can put them up on the web site. Gary came in to talk about how wasted Richard Christy was at the party that night. Howard thought they already had the pictures from Ralph but they had other pictures from earlier this morning where Jodie and Beetlejuice were doing their thing. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
George Flowers was in to give a Howard 100 News preview. He quickly went over the stuff they had coming up on Howard 100 News today at noon. He mentioned the Tommy Chong story that Lisa G had mentioned earlier so Howard spent a short time talking about how pissed off people will get when they read Tommy's book where he talks about getting locked up in prison just for selling bongs. George Flowers claimed he didn't know what a bong was and had to ask what they were talking about. That led to the guys talking about smoking weed and some of their experiences with the stuff.
Jon Hein was also in with a Wrap Up Show preview. He went through the things he had lined up to talk about after Howard's show today. They'll be talking about Jodie's visit to the show this morning and how that led to her riding the Sybian and some of the other things that went on. They're also going to try and figure out why Beet's attitude changed in the middle of the segment. Howard and Jon thought that Jodie took it all really well and just rolled with everything they threw at her. Jon said that they'll also talk about why Sal and Richard bid down on the wearing of Beet's shitty underwear.
Howard let Jon and George go after that. He said it's kind of nice to have someone like George who has no idea what a bong is. He had Robin start her news after that.
Some of the comments that the guy was making to Crazy Alice didn't make any sense to anyone. Artie said that if they understood some of that stuff, there's probably something wrong with you. Howard ended up doing an impression of the guy as he was listening to it.
Sal came in and said that he had this guy on the phone as they were talking but Howard wanted Sal to put him on the phone with Crazy Alice clips again. Sal said he could try and put him on with the live Crazy Alice to see what would happen then.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who claims he saw Artie's girlfriend Dana at a bar last Friday night with a guy who looked like a mix between Mr. T and some guy from the Detroit Pistons. Artie said she was out with some guys at this bar the guy was talking about. He said they're friends of theirs though so he knows she wasn't doing anything. The caller said that the guys were grabbing Dana's ass so Howard wondered if there was any truth to that. Artie said he'll have to get to the bottom of that. He's pretty sure nothing went on though.
Crazy Alice was on the phone a short time later. She said she's not sure why they still call her ''crazy'' because she's not crazy. Robin asked her if she listens to her messages, they're pretty crazy. Crazy Alice said that they're not crazy, they're wild. Howard decided to start calling her Wild Alice instead.
Alice spent a couple of minutes straightening them out on some of the comments she's made. She said that she doesn't hate black people, she doesn't like being black herself, she'd like to look a little prettier. She was saying that she likes some black women though and there are some very pretty ones.
Alice said that she hates being called ''crazy'' and that's why she throws shit back at them. Howard said he didn't know that she was a lesbian. Alice said she's kind of a hypocrite because she loves black women and she's attracted to white men.
Artie went into his Alice impression which just pissed her off. She went off on him for a short time. Howard asked Alice if she's done anything with any chicks yet. Alice said she hasn't done anything yet but she does fantasize about it. She said that she sometimes thinks about Howard doing her and she can feel him inside of her. She said it doesn't happen every night but once in a while. She also has fantasies about Fred doing her as well.
Alice said that she does like the way women look and may never do anything with them. Howard said that she's probably messed up from her husband treating her like shit. Alice said the worst thing she ever did was slap the shit out of her sister.
King of All Blacks called in to talk to Alice but she went off on him before he got two words out. She wouldn't let him speak so Howard tried to get her to stop. She wouldn't stop talking though. The two of them were just talking over each other and not letting Howard get a word in. It was an impossible task to get them to stop talking. As soon as one would say something, the other would talk over everyone else. Howard said he had to hang up on King because he wanted to hear someone speak.
Alice said she had no desire to hear King talk to her. Howard thought that he was going to compliment her but Alice didn't want to hear anything from him. Howard said that she's so angry. Alice said that's right and she's very angry. Howard told her that she's never going to have a moment's peace in her life if she keeps this up. He asked her if her father treated her like crap. She said that she was a victim of child abuse and she'd like to shove a pipe down his throat.
Howard asked Alice when she last got a hug. She couldn't remember the last time but Howard and Robin said it may have been the last time she was on the show. Alice said that's probably when it was and she remembered how good it felt to get a hug from them. Alice went off on her father and on her mother a little bit. She said that Artie reminds her of her mother because he's an ''alcoholic whore.'' She went off on Artie a little more and said that she didn't have a good childhood.
Howard had King of All Blacks on the phone again but Alice didn't want to hear from him no matter what he wanted to say to her. She wouldn't let him get in a word even though he was calling in to apologize to her. King was trying to talk to Howard but Alice kept talking over him. Howard wanted everyone to pray but Alice begged him not to do that because she doesn't believe in that. She was praying for the devil to take down King of All Blacks.
Howard asked Alice what she's got in the works today. She's going in to get a checkup and to get her flu shot. She'll also be doing a little shopping today. Alice said that she would like to come up to visit them sometime as well. She sounded like she was about to cry toward the end of the call. Artie gave her a ''Bye nut case!'' as she as about to get off the phone so she went off on him again. She said a nice goodbye to the rest of the guys though. Robin got back to her news after Alice's call.
Howard talked about the way Alice was talking about how she fantasizes about him and he doesn't get that a lot. He's no Brad Pitt who women fantasize about even if he doesn't have money. Howard said he had to tape a hundred dollar bill to his forehead to get a woman.
Howard said he was watching the coverage from the Film Festival and he can't believe what he looks like. He'd like to be good looking enough that he could look good on TV at least. He brought up there's a constant commotion going on around Beth because she's hot. He said that guys are always trying to impress her by talking about money and stuff in front of her.
Jeff the Drunk called in and asked Howard if he doesn't like him anymore. Howard asked him when he's going to be a man. Jeff told him that he's just bringing him down by talking about him this way. Artie told him that he's acting like a broad. Jeff said he'd talk to him tomorrow and hung up on them again. Howard said that he's tried to get Jeff to wise up and get a job or something. Jeff is in no rush to do that though. Howard said that maybe he should not drink for a day for his birthday. That's not going to happen either.
A few minutes later Jeff called back and asked if he could get some Carson's Ribs that they've been giving away lately. Howard gave him the gift and called that his birthday gift. Jeff sounded happy after that. Howard told him not to call them every minute if they don't get there in a day or so. Jeff said he wouldn't and that the ribs should taste good with beer.
Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:35am.
Howard said he was up late last night watching ''Goodfellas.'' He said he has to watch it when it comes on TV. He noticed that the kid who played Spider in the movie is actually Michael Imperioli. Artie knew that already, Howard wasn't aware of it. Artie as also saying that there are a couple of others from The Sopranos in that movie too. The guys spent a minute talking about that. They talked about how good everyone was in the movie and how great the movie was.
Artie said that at the end of the movie they talk about how Henry Hill had been clean for a while so they really need to update the movie. Robin said that her nephew didn't know about Henry Hill except for what he's heard on Howard's show so she bought him ''Goodfellas'' to fill him in on what kind of person he really is.
Howard said he also watched American Idol last night before watching ''Goodfellas.'' Beth wasn't around so he watched all of that and then had to beat off to Jenna Jameson and Savanna Samson's ''The Devil and Ms. Jones'' movie. He said he always takes out the DVD from the DVD player whenever he watches it. He said he now believes that he's gotten a sign from God because the DVD starts up from where it stopped the last time he took it out. Robin said that's not possible because DVD players always start from the beginning after they're taken out of the player.
Howard said that the movie actually started itself last night when he came back from the bathroom where he was getting tissues to jerk off into. The scene he was watching last night was where a guy was spitting on Savanna's ''vagine'' while she was using a dildo on herself. He said the spitting makes him sick but he was eventually able to get the job done. He had to do that to get to sleep since Beth wasn't around.
Howard said he thinks he has to throw that DVD out because it's gotten completely gross. They apparently ran out of ideas. Artie said that he's still watching porn on VHS tape that's all grainy and stuff. He can even recite the lines from the movies because he's seen them so much.
Howard said that David Blaine is doing one of his stunts where he spends a bunch of days under water and he's already claiming that his skin is peeling off after just one day. He wants to send someone down there to goof around by Blaine's stunt. He was thinking about sending Beetlejuice down there with a baby pool saying that he can do the stunt. He said that Sal wanted to go down there with a hammer to pretend that he's going to break the glass.
Howard said they could send his fans down there with heat lamps threatening to boil him alive. Robin suggested just sending the Wack Pack down there to just stand there and freak him out. Artie said he's seen the people that show up down there and they pretty much already look like the Wack Pack.
Howard said he really doesn't care that David Blaine is in water. He has no desire to watch him holding his breath for 9 minutes. Robin said she likes magicians but she wants them to do something instead of just sitting in a block doing nothing.
Howard said that he's been thinking about this illegal immigrant thing and he's thinking that he doesn't want them here. That led to the guys talking about what the government wants to do and why they think they're doing what they're doing. Scott DePace came in to correct Howard on what he was saying about the amnesty thing for illegal aliens. He said that they want to document who is here and give them a guest pass to stay in the country to work. Scott said he just had some work done on his house and the guys who were working on it were probably illegal aliens, he's not sure about that though.
Robin said that she has a pretty long driveway and she can get it shoveled in the winter for about half the price if she has some illegal aliens doing the work.
Howard said that he saw the new Superman trailer on the internet and it actually looks pretty cool to him. He said there were some annoying parts in the clip but it looks pretty cool. He had a web address that someone sent to him that was over at apple.com, so he gave that out as if it were the longest URL he's ever seen.
Howard said that Joel does one good thing and now he's a good guy all of a sudden. Artie said that he can't wait to see what happens with David Lee Roth. He said that CBS had better pay him off after the way they treated him. Howard continued to go off on Joel and goofed on him as he was reading this article about him. He said that it was just mean and vindictive to do what he did to him and for what he did to David Lee Roth.
Artie said that he's been listening to WFAN for years and he knows that Joel guilts people into doing the SIDS thing over there. They have a SIDS day over there and Artie said it was always the worst day for radio. Howard ended up goofing on Les Moonves and Joel about their fake looking teeth.
Howard said that Imus has been sucked into Joel's SIDS thing and that was mentioned in the article he was reading. He said that it's ridiculous that Imus and Joel are asking the audience for money. They both make plenty of money that they could support the charity themselves. He said that if Joel just took the money they're using to sue him and donated it to charity, they could hire one person for every baby to keep an eye on them so they don't die of SIDS.
Howard read more about Imus and his wife doing charity work. He goofed on them and on Joel saying that Joel is a hypocrite because he doesn't do nice things all year long. He's seen the ''business Joel'' and doesn't buy that he's a good person.
Howard said he knew a lot of radio guys who became complacent and stayed at the same station for years before moving on. There were older guys who were trying to get a union going back when he was at WRNW which wasn't a place where they were doing any good. That was a place to learn, not have a life long career.
Howard wanted to hear this guy talk up a song so he asked him to do that for him. The guy did some classic rock stuff so Howard had Fred play something for them. Fred played John Mellencamp's ''Pink Houses'' and the guy talked it up. He didn't get it down quite right but Howard knows it's tough on the phone. Howard talked it next and got it just right by dragging out the call letters for the station. The caller said that he loves listening to SIRIUS and kept talking so Howard had to hang up on him.
The guys also created Riley taking a dump using the ''Uh'' clips from his radio show that aired on Monday night. Howard played some of the audio from Riley's radio show that he played yesterday and got back into his impression for a short time. The guys were all goofing on Riley's ''Uhhh'' sounds. Howard had his megaphone going and doing a lot of Riley's ''Uhh'' sounds.
Howard said he had to go to break but he gave us a preview of some stuff they had coming up today and tomorrow. He said that they have porn star Gina Lynn coming in tomorrow to play a new game called ''Guess What's In My Ass.'' He also asked Gary to go out and get some copies of the latest Time magazine since he's on the Top 100 Most Influential people list.
Howard played a little more of Riley's radio show from Monday night and goofed on that a little more. He said that he's glad that the fans are actually taking him serious and calling into his show with real questions. Howard played the clip where Riley was giving a rundown of the many types of aliens that he knows of. He described a bunch of different types as if everyone should know about them. Artie came up with his own type called ''The Bullshitians.'' They went to break a short time later.
Terry said that he was sick and came across a way to cure his Hepatitis C so he was trying to help Pam out with that. He claims that he can get hot chicks who are just about as good looking as Pam is. Robin asked him what his cure is for Hep C. He said that you can't cure anything without removing your gall bladder. Howard tried to find out more about that but he said that's not how he cured himself.
Howard thought that Terry had been arrested for stalking a celebrity but Terry said that's not true. Terry said that he's actually still sick and he's been passed from doctor to doctor and he has no money now so he's given up. Contacting Pam was one of his last moves and that didn't work.
Terry said that he's a little wild but he's not crazy. Howard said that was about it for his story and asked Robin if she had any other questions for him. Robin didn't have anything. The guy was saying that he hasn't worked in about 6 or 7 years.
Gary came in and said that Terry was talking about how he sent the weed to Pam and it apparently went through the mail in a Twister box. Terry thinks that they talked about that on the Pam Anderson Roast that aired months ago but Howard said if they went back and listened, there was probably no mention in there.
Howard gave Terry a gift of some Carson's Ribs that he had to give away. Terry asked Howard to give Pam some flowers for him the next time he sees her. Howard told him to hang in there and he'd get him those ribs he was hooking him up with. Artie though it was funny when the guy asked Howard to get Pam flowers. Howard said that letter writing is dying because of the internet but Terry hasn't given up on it yet.
Howard went on to talk about why David's article wasn't that good. He said that Spade doesn't have the ability to gush over someone. Time picked some big celebrities to gush over the other people that were on this Top 100 people list in Time. They had Tom Cruise writing about JJ Abrams and Condoleeza Rice writing about Oprah Winfrey. Those people have the ability to gush over the people they were writing about. Spade isn't like that.
Howard said that Spade is too cool for the room and doesn't gush like that. Fred pointed out some of the other gushing that was going on in the other columns in the magazine. The other writers were making the other celebrities seem like they were gods in their field. Artie said that this is just like something that would happen on ''Curb Your Enthusiasm.'' He said that Howard is on the top 100 people list but he's not happy about the write up he got.
Howard said that he appreciates that David wrote the article, he just wishes that he had taken the time to gush over him like the other writers did. Artie said that maybe Sam Simon should have written Howard's article. Howard said he would have preferred Nelson Mandella.
Robin was reading some of the other articles in the magazine and the other people really went crazy when writing about their people. Bob Newhart wrote about Ellen Degeneres but spent most of his article talking about himself. Robin said that maybe comedians don't have the ability to talk about other celebrities. Howard said he could write about other people like Richard Pryor, Paul Winchell or even Don Rickles. He could also gush over Foo Fighters and other bands. Spade is too sarcastic to write something like that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Howard is being slightly hypocritical because if he was asked to write an article about Richard Pryor, it would be all about Howard. Howard said he would try to avoid doing that, he knows better than to write about himself for something like that.
Lisa asked Howard if he feels like he's actually one of the top 100 most influential people. Howard said he does. Lisa said they'll be talking about that list on the news today. They'll also be talking to Crazy Alice about Artie and Robin. David Blaine's stunt will also be a story. They're also going to be talking about Martha Stewart's daughter's radio show that was too racy for Martha's channel so they have to find a new home. Artie said he heard that they've already moved the show to 5pm instead of it being on in the mornings.
Howard said that this article he read from the Hartford Current is kind of bothering him. It came out on Saturday, April 22nd and it says that this woman Mary Jones is claiming that he hit on her when he was working at WCCC many years ago. He read the article which says that she had an encounter with Billy Joel back in 1975. Howard skipped over the Billy Joel stuff because that went on a bit long. He then found the part where she brought up his name. She claims that Howard called her and started asking her out.
Howard said that he would swear on a stack of bibles that he doesn't even know this woman. He would never ask someone out back then because he was with his wife. She also claims that Howard's wife came up to her and asked her if Howard ever called her again. Howard said that he would remember something like this and it's a very slanderous, libelous lie and the Hartford Current just prints it as if it was a true story.
Howard told Gary to get this Mary Jones on the phone so he can confront her on the air. He said it's a really crappy thing to do. He was very faithful to his wife the whole time he was with her and this makes it seem like he wasn't. He said that it's really freaking him out and he wants to hear her proof.
Fred said that her story about Billy Joel was bullshit too because she was claiming that his song ''Piano Man'' had just come out in 1975 but it was actually out a couple of years before that. Howard saw a picture of this woman and said that she's really ugly and he never would have approached someone like that. Gary said he was working on getting her on the phone but the radio station she works at may not open until 9am. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard was doing his Riley Martin impression again and having some fun with that. He said that his show aired on Monday night and last night was Victoria Zdrok's show. Artie said that Riley's show should be called ''Endless Bullshit with Riley Martin.'' They had some more audio clips of Riley saying ''Uhh'' and other things that they went through quickly.
Howard said that her name is Amy Miller and then asked her when she got into stripping. She said she was 20 years old and stripping was actually fun for her. She said that after being a stripper for a while, she got her own club and saw a lot of girls get into the business. She would like to train them how to save their money and get them to go to school and stuff. She wants Howard to donate to her organization but Howard told her that's not going to happen.
Amy said that she's trying to help women out by training them for the future so they have something to go to after their stripping careers are over. Howard wondered why she's not doing this for homeless people instead of strippers. Howard said that pro basketball players do the same thing, they get paid a lot of money and blow it so maybe she should be doing this for them.
Gary came in and said that people who work at Wal-Mart may have the same problems and maybe this money should go to them. Amy said she's just targeting the stripper industry, it could go to these other people too. Amy said that she just started this organization and she hasn't gotten any donations yet. Howard told her that she may have a hard time making this happen.
Howard and Robin told her that these woman are actually making money while there are people out there who can't even get a job. Gary heard Amy talking about how stripping is a dead end job and when Ronnie heard that he was asking what the fuck she's talking about. Howard said that he's not so sure that it's a dead end job, there are women out there putting themselves through school with stripper money.
Robin said that when Fred took his tumble at Scores, it was a stripper who was a trained EMT who helped him out. Howard said he'd like to go to McDonalds and encourage the girls working there that they should be stripping. Howard told Amy that she should still be stripping because she looks really good. She said that her husband is a dentist and she's a dental assistant.
Gary said that he's reading the notes on Amy and she may have a dentist but he works out of a truck stop. She said that he does fine at the truck stop because there are many truckers out there who don't have the time to go to a dentist because they're always on the road.
Howard started to read Amy's plug but he started to laugh as he was doing it. He aksed Amy where to go and help her out. She said that you can donate through Paypal and her web sit