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Howard started off the show saying that George Takei (GeorgeTakei.com) was finally back in the studio as their announcer (He'll be in all week). George sang a little song for Howard after being introduced. He sang about the guys in the studio and about the show acapella. The guys gave him some applause and thanked him for the song. It was to the tune of ''Sentimental Journey'' but Howard wasn't sure if that's what it was or not.
George said he wrote that in the shower so Howard asked him if his boyfriend Brad was in there with him. George said he was in there occasionally.
George said that over the weekend he accepted the freedom of speech award from Talkers magazine. He said that Michael Harrison had some nice words to say about Howard. Howard said he's seen this guy on many occasions on TV but he's never been invited to one of their events. George told Howard that a champion of free speech like no one else but Howard told him he's really not. Robin told Howard he may not want to be but he is.
Howard asked George where the event was held. It was in New York City and he had the award with him. Howard liked the look of it and said that he would display it there in the studio because it was so nice. Artie told George that they are actually against freedom of speech and want everyone censored but them. They want everyone to be fined and shut down so people will have to listen to them.
George told Howard that he really has taken a stand for free speech while so many others have caved. He said he made a very long speech at the event and talked about Howard pushing for free speech. He also talked about the internment camps that he was in when he was a kid. When Artie heard that he started doing his ''WAHhhh!'' thing with him. ''Wah! I was in an internment camp... Wah!''
George talked a little about how scary it was that he was in that camp so Howard told him he had a tough life, he didn't have central air conditioning in Roosevelt, Long Island. George said he didn't even have radio to listen to there in the camps.
Howard accepted the award from George but he really didn't have any speech for it. He said it's probably best that he wasn't invited to the Talkers event because he probably would have just showed his rectum there. He's not into public speaking and George found that hard to believe.
George said that the last time he was in town he had to go to a bank board meeting and it was mandatory so he wasn't able to make it in. Artie was having some fun with George already and cracking jokes about George blowing his boyfriend and things like that. A little earlier George mentioned that he had gone to see a play called ''The Lieutenant of Innishmore'' so he was getting a few jokes in about that as well.
Howard asked George about being on the board of this bank that he mentioned. George said he's part owner of the bank and he's been part of that for about 20 years now. Howard asked him if he's a millionaire from that. George said he wasn't at first but then admitted that he probably is.
Robin asked George if he had replaced his dog yet. George said he's still thinking about the old dog and he's got the ash box in his bedroom so he's not thinking about a new dog at this point.
Richard said that he spoke to George when he first came in this morning and was talking to him about having his cherry busted already by doing the show one time on SIRIUS. George responded by telling him that not only was his cherry busted, it was ripped wide open.
Howard had George do an announcement for them and then got back to the Artie Roast show. He said he was over at Ben's Deli last night and a woman came up to him and told him that she loved the roast. Artie said he heard from a bunch of people about the show and they loved it as well.
Howard said he read that someone thought he had edited someone's set but he didn't edit it at all. Howard said Artie was a good sport and took a lot of jokes about his father. He said no one cared about the fact that his father was a quadriplegic.
Artie said that Nick Di Paolo had to leave early but he called him later on and said he never would have thought about talking about his father. Howard thought Nick did a great job and he heard from Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman who thought he killed. Artie knew that Nick and Colin Quinn wouldn't have to joke about his father in the roast.
Artie said he did a set at one of Nick's shows over the weekend and everyone was chanting ''Roast, Roast...'' when he got up. He showed up unannounced so they didn't even know he was coming to the show.
Robin said she heard that Richard had been escorted from the building on Thursday night. Howard said that's true because even after he told Richard he wasn't to drink anymore, he went around and found more. He wasn't in control of his walking so he thought it would be best to cut him off.
Howard said that he watched The Tony Awards last night and was surprised to see Cynthia Nixon come out of the closet with the woman she came out with. He thought that she would go for a more feminine woman than she's with. George said that opposites attract... Howard said that old saying ''there's someone for everyone'' wouldn't even apply to this woman.
Artie said he's a very stubborn guy and he really doesn't want to go to therapy just because someone is telling him he should. Howard said his theory is that he didn't love Dana that much because he's not willing to compromise at all. Artie said he's going to Las Vegas this weekend and he's not going to hold back out there.
Howard asked Artie if he's banged anyone in the past 3 weeks. Artie claims he hasn't but it seemed like Howard didn't believe him. Howard mentioned to George that Artie has gained a lot of weight since he was last on. George asked him if he wanted to go walking through Central Park with him after the show tomorrow. Artie said they can do that but they'll be walking in separate parts of the park.
Artie said he told Dana that he's not going to go to therapy just because she keeps nagging him. He said he's not sure what will happen but he may come around eventually. He said it was a very civil conversation. He said that he would go nuts if he was forced to go to therapy like that.
George said that the guy in ''The Breakup'' was just like Artie. He explained the movie to Artie and talked about that for a short time. Howard said that Artie is the only guy he knows who gains 900 pounds and then breaks up with a woman. Most guys would stay in a relationship if they were so overweight.
Howard told Artie that he's out of his mind if he thinks that there's a woman out there who is going to put up with him just the way he is. Artie said he didn't want to be nagged about that stuff, that's why he had to end it. George said that both of them could benefit from therapy. Artie said that she's been doing it for a long time and she does benefit from it but he's not going to do it at this point. He figures he'll probably die alone.
Artie is going out to Vegas this weekend so it's the ''Booze and Whores'' weekend for him. He said that he's having a screening for his movie out there and the showing sold out really fast so a second show was added. The showings are at The Palms out there in Vegas.
Howard noticed that Artie won't look at George even though he's sitting right next to him. Artie said that if you sit a gay Asian guy next to him on his left, he's going to look to his right.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and told the guys that her material from the roast was not written by her, it was written by Colin Quinn who thought her material sucked. She tried to get in a couple more jokes this morning but there still wasn't any laughter. She also said that Artie is probably going to be single for the rest of his life because of the way he's acting.
Artie said that there may have been some tears after he broke up with Dana. He was the one who was crying. He said that Dana may have cried after they got off the phone but he's not sure. He said he pronounced the relationship dead as of that day and that was that. Then last night he found out that she had tried calling him but didn't leave a message for him. George said he thinks that they will eventually get back together again and Artie will go into therapy.
Howard agrees with George and thinks that Artie will end up in therapy soon. He's seen Artie at his lowest (and Widest according to Artie) so he thinks that he will hit bottom again and then go into therapy.
Artie had a picture of he and his father hanging out with Frankie Valli. He said that they were at a motel at the Jersey Shore many years ago and they ran into the guy. The picture should be up on HowardStern.com today. Artie said his father found out where the room was and had Artie crawl into the room to make it seem like they didn't know what was going on. That's how they got to meet the guy.
Howard said this picture made him sad. He was looking at it and trying to get Artie to get sad as well. Howard said he wished he had a picture like that with his parents. Artie said that something like that will never happen again. Howard showed George the picture and said that Artie's dad was a really good looking guy. George said that his ''RADAR'' was giving him something from the picture. Artie told him to give him the fuckin picture back.
George said that in Boston Legal, Bill isn't playing a part or acting, he's just being himself as Denny Crane, the character he plays on the show. He said he feels kind of sad for Bill because he's kind of isolated from the rest of the crew. Leonard Nimoy gets down and hangs out with the rest of them. George said that Leonard likes to talk politics so they do that when they get together. He said that Leonard is a very liberal democrat.
George said he's enjoyed a rich friendship with the other people on the show and it's kind of sad that it's never happened with Bill. Howard said that he's had dinner with Shatner and he always seems very light hearted and happy. George told him that Bill is just using him, that's why he acts that way. George talked about working with Shatner and how he would get the director to put him on camera after they started the shoot putting the other actors on camera.
Howard asked George about going to the Star Trek convention and collecting a few bucks. George said it's great because he doesn't have to remember a script or anything like that. George said that some of the questions he gets from the people there are pretty crazy and he can't answer them so he has a couple of people he turns to for the answers.
George said he's got a convention coming up out in Las Vegas and another one out in Seattle, Washington in September which will be the 40th anniversary celebration for ''Star Trek.'' Howard wondered if Shatner will talk to him at these events. George said they do talk to each other by saying hello but they don't really talk other than that.
Howard asked Doug when they're going to put the roast up on Howard TV. Doug said they're editing the show and should have it up in a week or so. They have a ton of stuff to go through with that show because there was so much stuff going on outside the studio.
Howard thinks that these will be some of the greatest shows. Doug talked about just a couple of the crazy things that were going on out there and it sounds pretty crazy.
One caller brought up Artie and Dana's relationship again so that got Howard talking about him. He said that Artie has to do certain things before he can get into a marriage with someone. He's got a lot of issues to take care of before he can become a ''family man'' like he wants to. He said that no normal woman is going to put up with him the way he is right now. Artie doesn't want to change and it was right for him to break it off with Dana. He knows that he's going to drive her insane and she's going to drive him insane if she keeps pushing him toward therapy.
Howard said he thinks that Artie should either hook up with a stripper and stay the same or go into therapy and settle down with Dana. He may need a few more destructive years before he goes to the therapy thing. Artie said he told Dana he was calling off the torture by ending the relationship. He didn't want to keep it going the way it was.
The caller that was on the line said that he's such a fan of Artie's that he would be willing to screw Siobahn the transsexual just to hang out with him one afternoon. Artie said he was flattered by that. He said he would take the guy to a Yankee game and dinner if he did that. The guy was ready to go and told Howard to set him up. Howard put him on hold after that.
Howard showed George some video from last week when Richard dunked Sal's head into a toilet that was filled with his urine. They showed the video in the studio as George watched. George said ''They are children!'' He also said ''Oh my goodness!'' as he was watching Sal's head being dunked into the toilet. Artie said he didn't have the energy to laugh at that last week... He was laughing his ass off this morning. George kept saying ''Oh my goodness!'' over and over again as he saw the video. He told Howard that they are a couple of wild children. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Lisa noticed that Howard's hair is shorter this morning as well. Howard said he did get it cut a little shorter, but not as short as Fred's. He said he likes Fred's new hair cut but he won't be going that short. Artie figured that Lisa still has her job there because she compliments the boss even more than anyone else. He said that maybe Mike Piazza would still be there if he had complimented his hair.
Lisa said that the cheerleaders who were on last week were suspended from their squad after appearing on the show. Howard had heard about that and said it was ridiculous to suspend people for talking about sex. He said it's especially crazy for Canadians because they have some crazy porn and strip clubs up there. He said it doesn't make any sense because his show was taken off the air up in Canada for being too dirty while they have this crazy porn going on.
Lisa said that they will be talking about George accepting the Talkers Magazine award for Howard. They'll be talking more about that. They will also be talking about how Scott the Engineer's wife has put a stop to a NASCAR trip he was going to make. Howard said he heard about that and mentioned what he heard. He's heard a lot of details and he's not sure what he can say on the air. He said Scott was really looking forward to the trip and now he can't go. Howard said that Scott is so good looking that his wife has to worry about him.
Lisa mentioned a couple of other stories they had coming up on Howard 100 News today. She said that Gary and George Flowers have some dirty laundry to get out in the open. That led to Gary coming in the studio and telling the guys why he doesn't like George. He said that George will sit outside of his studio and mumble things under his breath while waiting to come on the show. He's always talking about how disgusting things are on the show and he always does it while looking at the monitors in his office.
Gary said George has a germ phobia and tries to help them out by buying special soaps and things and he always feels like he's been judged by the guy. He said his mumbling goes on all morning and he feels like they're being judged by him all the time.
Howard said that Michelle kind of blew him off and Heath just kept eating while he was saying hello to them. He said he and Beth didn't get much of a reaction so they just left. They felt like they had gotten slimed by the two of them. They talked about that on the air shortly after it happened and the story got picked up by the Page Six gossip column. That story was printed on Friday when they weren't there. The story was a little wrong because they claimed that he was ragging on ''Brokeback Mountain.'' He never did that and was a fan of the movie.
Howard said the story ran in the NY Post and one of Heath's people called to get Howard on the line with Heath. Howard said Laura, his assistant, let him know so he had Gary look into it a little further. Gary said he was trying to get Heath on the phone and no one wants to give out their number so it was kind a goof.
Howard said he got the call from Heath on Friday and he apologized. They had been in a very deep conversation at the time Howard came up to the table. Heath said that they weren't' trying to blow him off or anything like that. Howard said Heath apologized and he figured that could have been the case because he had read that Michelle's father had been arrested or something like that. He said he really didn't care at that point because it was all being dragged out.
Howard said he got off the phone after thanking Heath for the call but then he and Beth said that they probably got the call after some publicist got involved. Howard said he doesn't care either way and things are fine, he's not going to harp on the whole thing. He said the story was more about his own neurosis and how he's always afraid things are going to go wrong when he says hello to people... and that's just what happened that night.
George was saying that when you're a public person and you're out in public, you have to expect people to come up to you. He said he was out with Brad one night and he had a fork full of food heading toward his mouth. A woman came up to him and pushed his hand down and said she wanted to have her picture taken. George said he told her he'd be happy to do it after eating and she got all huffy and said that they were leaving. George tried to be nice to her but she got very upset and stormed off when he didn't come right out with her.
Gary read Leigh's book and said it's great. He talked about some of the stuff in the book and Artie was saying that he's also in the middle of the book and it's really good. The two of them brought up some of the stuff that's in the book and how interesting it was. They talked about how Babe was sent to an orphanage when he was 7 years old after his parents just gave up on him. He stayed in the orphanage until he was 19 years old and ended up playing baseball. Howard wrapped up with Leigh a short time later.
Sean said he felt that the girls didn't do anything wrong on the show and he's hoping that people get behind them and get them their jobs back. Howard wondered if they're still virgins. Artie said that one of them had an amazing ass.
Howard said that Eric the Midget was on the phone and he thought that he wasn't going to be calling in anymore. Eric said he sent an e-mail to the show over the weekend and Will thought that he might want to talk to him about it. Howard hadn't read any e-mail yet so Gary handed it to him. It was 5 pages of typewritten messages from Eric.
Howard told Eric he's completely insane. Eric interrupted and said that Howard is the insane one for offering him sex. Howard said he's sorry for offering him the chance to get a hand job. No one else is offering him anything like that.
Eric told Howard to read the 'Gratitude section' of his letter to see what he's talking about. Howard asked him if anyone else is offering him the chance to meet Katherine McPhee. Eric said that no one else is doing that but last year he didn't have to do anything crazy to meet Carrie Underwood. Robin said they're not going to keep giving him stuff for free.
Howard said all they wanted to do was hook up a couple of balloons to Eric and have him float around the studio. Eric said he doesn't want to look like Handi-Man from In Living Color. Gary said that they're going to be speaking to a woman tomorrow who helped get Paul Newman to fly by balloons on David Letterman's show.
Eric said that Howard takes one step forward by offering him something cool but takes 50 steps back by goofing on him. Howard got his megaphone and started to do his impression of Eric as he was reading some of the jokes that he wrote in his 5 page letter.
Howard brought up how Eric was threatening to call Katherine McPhee to warn her not to go on the show. Eric said he tried to call but the number isn't working anymore. Howard said that's probably because he called her too many times. He said he ''only'' called 3 times. Eric said he knows how to get in touch with her even without that number.
Howard told Eric that he will come in and he will fly in the studio. Eric said that will never happen. Howard played the voice mail Eric left where he said he would fly only after hell freezes over and pigs fly. He also played the song parody that Sal and Richard created. He said he knows that Eric hates that song. Eric said ''You're damn right I hate it...''
Eric said one reason he wanted to warn Katherine about the show as so she could keep her older boyfriend a secret like she's been trying to do. Howard played the song parody that Dan the Song Parody Man put together using clips from Eric's voice mails. Howard asked Eric which one he hates more. Eric said he hates them equally. Artie said he loves the second one just a little more than the first.
Howard thinks Eric is being a little childish about this and seeing him flying on balloons would be so much fun. George told Eric that he would enjoy life even more if he just relaxed a little bit. Eric said that one of the comments he got on Myspace was about how funny it would be to see how many balloons it would take to get Artie's fat ass in the air.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he wanted Eric off the air because he's always wasting his time while driving to work. Howard asked Eric if he wanted to say anything to this guy. Eric said he doesn't talk to Jackasses. The guy said that he's paying 43 cents a day to listen to this little ass hole. He told him to tie the balloons to him and just fly away.
Robin suggested that they change their phone number so Eric can't call them anymore. Howard let Eric go and replayed the song parody that Sal and Richard did about Eric. He was going to say goodbye to Eric so he wanted to hear ''Bye for now'' but Eric didn't even want to say that. Fred was playing his buzzer sound for Eric and Eric was demanding to know who played ''Derek the Midget'' on the show. Howard told him it's Shuli even though Shuli denies it.
Howard told Eric to say his catch phrase so Eric said it... ''Bye for now.'' Howard then played the song parody that Dan created once again.
Artie said that Nick Di Paolo was pissed at Ralph because he wouldn't make any comments at his own roast but he will critique everyone on other roasts. Howard said that Nick was great on the roast but he kind of got overlooked because he went first.
Howard took a couple of phone calls from some fans who wanted to talk about the show. He then spent a minute talking about the Tony Awards show and how disturbing it is to see puppeteer's appearing with their puppets. He said that it ruins it when he sees that kind of thing.
Howard brought up a story in the news about a guy who is accused of killing a woman with a bratwurst. He read the story from the paper and said that the guy apparently beat the woman with the brat. There was another story in the paper about a woman who beat another woman with her dead dog after the dog had died because she thought it was because of poor breading that the dog had passed away.
Howard threw it to George to do a quick announcement ofr the show and then went to commercial break.
Howard explained that Christa is on the TV show ''Scrubs'' and she used to be on ''Drew Carey.'' He started to explain why Mandy Moore might be upset after Wilmer Valderama came on the show and said he took her virginity. He got sidetracked talking about how hot Christa is with Artie.
Howard got back to the Mandy Moore story and asked Christa if it was true that Mandy just broke up with Zach this weekend. She said that she was just out with Zach on Saturday night and everyone is fine. She couldn't comment on anything other than what she was authorized to talk about though.
Howard got sidetracked again and told a story about how Artie was friends with Nicole Sullivan from MAD TV and she and Christa lived in the same building so he would see the two of them there. Artie was kind of stalking her and would show up at her place at all hours of the night. Nicole actually moved from her apartment to get away from Artie. Artie said that he would do coke over at her place off of her CDs and stuff. He never came on to Nicole or anything like that.
Artie said that he actually showed up at this other actresses house because he couldn't get into her place. Christa would have to deal with Artie because she lived in the same building and he would bother her at all hours of the morning as well.
Christa said that Artie as so sweet and she was apologizing to him for being such a bitch back then but she had to work. Artie said that Christa would have to let him into the house because she and Nicole were sharing the house. That's why she'd get so pissed at him. Artie said he once went over there and found a bottle of Jack and did cocaine and Jack all night. He ended up at the hospital and was told he should be dead because his heart rate was so high.
Howard was amazed that they learn something new about Artie every day on the show. Artie talked more about how he went over to Nicole's place that one day because he figured he could ride into work with Nicole since they had to do a sketch together.
Artie told another story about driving to work while he was drunk. Nicole was following him and called in to work telling them to have the cops there to take him to rehab. He said that it was like an ambush there that day. They had cops and agents there ready to get him. Artie ended up bolting and hopped some fences to get away from them. Then he went to a grocery store where they caught him. Christa thought he was naked there at the store but Artie said he had fallen into a pool while running from those people and did have to strip down a little.
Christa said that Jennifer Aniston lived next door to her when she was living with Nicole out there. Artie said he didn't know ''Friends'' at the time and didn't really know who Jennifer Aniston was so he didn't care if he woke anyone up.
Howard asked Christa about who she's married to. She's married to Bill Lawrence who is the creator of ''Scrubs.'' The guys spent a minute talking about that before Artie got back to more of his coke stories. He talked about going to get an 8-ball from this guy... The same guy who brought him to the party where he got a load blown on his chest. Artie said that he and George have a lot in common. Howard asked George if he's ever had a load on his chest. George said ''Oh yes... ''
Howard said he kind of yelled at Orlando Jones back around the time when he had his intervention and hasn't spoken to him since then. As he was talking about it he was getting choked up and almost tear'd up. He was saying that those people who did the intervention saved his life. He said that Nicole even apologized to him for calling the cops but she probably saved his life.
Artie said he never missed a line even when he was wasted on coke back then when he was on MAD TV. He said the only thing that made him enjoy life was doing those sketches on the show. He said that he was very lucky to have gotten the job on the show because they had 5000 people audition for it and they only picked 8 out of that 5000.
Christa says that Artie still apologizes to her to this day whenever he sees her. Artie hasn't seen her lately but the last time he did, he apologized profusely for what he had done. Howard said he doesn't know that Artie because he's never been like that around them. Howard said he could see the tears in Artie's eyes and wanted him to break down crying for the show. Artie said he does get choked up but he's not going to go there.
Artie said that his sister left her job at Polo to come out to Los Angeles to help get him out of jail. He said he was able to make 3 calls the day he was arrested. He called his answering machine and got a message from Cameron Crowe who let him know that his scene from ''Jerry Maguire'' had been cut and maybe they could work together again some day. Howard tried to get Artie to cry by bringing up that picture of his father that they were checking out earlier. Christa also said that she was the one who probably helped get the ball rolling with Nicole because she told her how out control Artie was that day.
Howard said that Christa has been assigned to speak on behalf of Mandy Moore and let her talk about that stuff. She first told Howard that Zach Braff is a huge fan of the show but the first time he tuned in tot hear the show on Sirius, he heard Howard bashing his movie ''Garden State.'' Robin loved the movie though so Christa said she'd let him know.
Christa said that Mandy is saying that she didn't lose her virginity to Wilmer Valderama as he had said on the show. Zach called Wilmer and spoke to him about that and Wilmer was saying that his words were twisted on the show. Wilmer never even had sex with Mandy according to Christa. Howard wanted to know who Mandy did lose her virginity to. Christa said that she's not authorized to say who that was.
Howard wants to get Wilmer and Mandy on the show to take lie detector tests. He knows that Lindsay Lohan said that what Wilmer said about her was true. Jennifer Love Hewitt also denied the claims about her. Christa said that Wilmer didn't want to be on the phone with Zach when he called him. Christa said that Wilmer's claims that his words were twisted are untrue because she heard the whole interview herself.
Howard asked Christa who took her virginity. She said it was some dufus in the 10th grade. She said that everyone who has met the guy says the same thing about that guy. Christa told George Takei that he's such a good sport putting up with everything that he's been putting up with.
Christa said that she has a theory about SIRIUS. She said that all of the huge fans picked up SIRIUS as soon as he moved. She said that some people that she's spoken to think that SIRIUS isn't around to stay and they're afraid that it's not going to be around in the next couple of years. Howard told Christa that he believes that satellite will be the future of radio and it is here to stay. Christa said that she won't drive in her husband's car because he doesn't have satellite.
Howard mentioned that they're going to be beta testing their internet connection next week so that will help get subscribers. He also said that they're going to have a new portable unit coming out soon and a new satellite in a couple of years.
Christa was telling Howard how great it is to be able to hear the show all the time on satellite. Howard went over the story with Christa again and said that she's basically calling Wilmer a liar. She said that's the way it appears from what she's heard from Mandy. Christa said that Mandy is the loveliest person in the world and she believes what she says.
Howard asked Robin who she thinks is telling the truth here. Robin said she thinks that Mandy is telling the truth. Fred said that he believes that Mandy Moore is full of shit and she wouldn't be hiding behind all of these people if she was telling the truth. George Takei said that men like to feel macho and maybe that's what Wilmer was doing. Artie said he always agrees with Christa after that night in 1995.
Howard told Christa to tell Mandy to come on the show and talk about it there. Howard said he feels bad for Mandy if that didn't happen. He thanked Christa for calling in but he would like to hear from Mandy herself. Howard gave Christa a plug for ''Scrubs'' and wrapped up the call.
Gary said that some things were thrown around in the green room and by the time Gary headed in to speak to him about it, he was gone. Gary showed a picture of Frank Jr. To the guys and showed just how pissed off he appeared to be.
Howard said the guy must be off the wall angry because his father used to take him on tour and berate him on stage. Maybe that's where all of the anger comes from. Howard said he'd rather just sit and review the Artie Roast anyway so it's no big deal if he's not there.
Gary said that Frank wanted something removed from the release where they say they have the right to search his effects. Gary said that's more for people like Misty the prostitute than Frank Sinatra Jr. but that's what he wanted removed.
Ronnie came in and said that Frank walked in very angry and they didn't search him when he came in because that's their policy about celebrity guests. He said that they do search guests who are known to have gun permits though. Gary said they've had conversations about that with certain guests and it can be uncomfortable.
Howard played some of Frank Jr's new CD ''That Face'' and said he sounds like his father. He thought he sounded pretty good to him. He figured that George could get him to get a load dropped on his chest to that CD. That got them talking more about the loads on the chest discussion they had earlier. Howard was hoping to get George's boyfriend Brad on the show but George said he's very shy and was skittish about being in the city over the weekend so he flew home on Sunday. Gary was ready to call him this morning but he's back out in California now.
Robin told the guys that Frank Jr. is a singer, his father was a phenomenon. That's the big difference there. Robin wanted to have Fred play Frank Sr. Singing a song and Jr. Singing the same song. He tried to find a song that he could do that with but he wasn't able to find anything. Gary gave George his own copy of the Frank Jr. CD since he liked it so much. They had to go to break a short time later, after George did a quick show promo.
Howard moved on and played a couple of voice mail messages about the Artie Roast from last week. Crazy Alice left a message where she talked about the people she thought were good on the roast. She ended up going off on Robin a little bit in her message. Howard said that Crazy Alice also left a message about the twins that were on the show making out recently. She talked about how hot they were but then went off on Robin again for something she said on the show that day.
Artie said he's no Freud, but he thinks Alice might be jealous of Robin's life. Howard played another clip where Alice went off on Penny Crone. Of course she eventually talked about Robin in that message. George was talking about how crazy she sounds so the guys warned him that she'll probably leave a message about him if he talks about her. Artie was doing an impression of Alice talking about George and used the term ''faggot'' a couple of times so George told him they don't use that term. Artie told him that he was just doing an impression but he changed it to ''homosexual'' anyway.
Howard played a couple of Crazy Alice audio clips. They had a song parody with her audio clips used in them and also a prank call they made to a guy using her audio clips. George seemed to be enjoying the prank call, he got a few laughs out of that. Howard played another song parody and another prank call.
Howard got back to the roast and wanted to play the clips that people picked as their favorites. The only problem was that they weren't marked with whose clip was whose. While Gary asked Scott what was up with that, Howard talked about how Frank Sinatra Jr. Had stormed out of there.
Gary came in and told Howard that his favorite joke during the roast was one of Sal's. Howard played the clip where Sal goofed on Artie's dad. After hearing the jokes Gary said that wasn't the one he was talking about, that one was kind of brutal. Artie didn't seem to mind it that much though.
Howard played another clip where Sal cracked a joke about Beer League and Rosie O'Donnell. Scott came in a short time later with the list of people's favorite clips but he was ruining the bit by giving away the punch line. Howard told him to come over by him and point out the clips.
Jason's favorite was a Colin Quinn joke about Ronnie looking like a trophy for best body guard. Jon Hein had a favorite of one of Colin's jokes. Will also picked one of Colin's. Ronnie and Scott both liked one of Shuli's lines about Artie's movie. Scott pulled another of his favorites where Levy told Artie that ''Dirty Work'' isn't just the name of a movie, it's what Dana calls it when she has to fuck Artie.
Howard said that some people liked the song that Richard sang at the roast but he didn't get it. He explained what the song was supposed to be about and played it for George. The song was about the nurse who used to have to pull shit out of Artie's quadriplegic father. Howard said he was getting the song now that he heard it again and figured he underrated it.
There were a few more lines that Scott pulled for Howard to play. Some of Colin's lines about Howard were pretty funny but he did use the ''faggot'' word so George was saying that gays find that word to be as offensive as the N-word.
Gary told Howard that there are some audio clips there from out in the hall. There was one clip where Ronnie took away Richard's beer. Gary came in a short time later and said that he just got word of something really disturbing. He asked Richard when he brushed his teeth after all of the stuff that went on that day. Richard said he didn't brush until Friday night. That was after drinking, getting shit put in his mouth by Sal and who knows what else.
Richard said he just didn't think about brushing his teeth that night and came into work on Friday. George asked if there was a 10 foot pole there. Richard asked him if he wanted to stick it up his ass or something. They got some laughs out of that.
There was some controversy over what Artie said about Richard's comedy act last week. Richard was really upset about Artie bashing him. Richard thinks that he does great even when he does shows where people don't know him from the Stern show. Artie thinks that if people didn't know who he was, they wouldn't find him funny at all. Artie said he's got some work to do on his act.
Howard got a note from Bob Levy who suggested that they roast Crazy Cabbie next since he's getting out of jail in a month. Artie thinks that's too tragic of a person to roast and people aren't going to laugh. Howard said that it was Levy's idea though and he's had some good ideas with the roasts so far.
Artie said that he had to talk Bob Levy in off the ledge over the weekend because of the comments that he made about him on Thursday. Howard said that must have been some conversation. Artie said he thinks that Bob is an amazing comedian and people should go see him to see for themselves.
Howard replayed an audio clip from NBC news where Joey Boots got on camera and yelled out ''Baba Booey'' over and over again during a live report.
The guys talked about the Artie Roast which they recorded at night on Thursday. Howard said he knows that it will make for great TV but he was really worn out that night. He's not sure if the audience would be up for the night time shows very often. He also said he's not sure he could do 2 shows in one day again. He had to go to break after that so he had George do another announcement for them.
Howard had George Flowers and Jon Hein in to give their show previews. George gave his Howard 100 News preview first. He had the two Georges demonstrating their lowest voices and Flowers was able to get a little lower than Takei.
Howard let George Flowers know that Gary had come out against him on the air this morning. George said he wasn't aware of that because he likes Gary. Gary came in and said that George stands out in the hall mumbling and talking about how disgusting the show is and he doesn't want to hear that. He said that this show is his life, it's how he feeds his kids and George is very judgmental about the show. George said that a lot of the stuff they do on the show is disgusting so Gary said that he doesn't have to react in front of him. He doesn't want to hear him talking about how disgusting the show is in his office.
George apologized to Gary for reacting in front of him and said that he will do it elsewhere from now on. Gary is trying to produce that disgusting show in his office and that's where George chooses to vent. Gary said that it's kind of odd how George will have to come into his office to see the twins riding the Sybian to see just how disgusting it is. George said that he doesn't have to see it but he has seen many things in his career as a news man and that's what he does.
Gary told George that the way he does things is very condescending and judgmental and he doesn't like that. He said that one time he asked Shuli if he wanted some betadyne to clean himself up with after going to Siobahn's apartment. That's not necessary according to Gary.
George and Gary have talked out their problems and will move on from there. Howard had George get to his news preview. He said they have stories about the cheerleaders who have been suspended and the Talkers magazine award show that Howard won an award at.
Jon Hein was up next so he said they'll be talking to George Takei during the Wrap Up show today. They'll also talk about the new stories we learned about during the Christa Miller call today. They'll also be talking about a bunch of other things that were discussed during the show today.
Artie was holding a picture that a fan sent in of him swinging a bat in a softball game next to a picture of Babe Ruth swinging a bat. Howard said that Artie was fatter. Artie suggested that they put the picture up on Howard's web site.
Howard had Robin start her news a short time later. During the news Howard and the guys got into a discussion about ex-boyfriends and girlfriends. That led to Howard asking George if he's ever met any of Brad's boyfriends. George said he has met one of them and they've had him over for dinner. That man came over with his partner though so it was just two couples getting together.
Howard asked George if Brad has any nicknames for him. George said he just calls him 'George' but he calls Brad ''Bradder.'' Robin was reading a story about what women shouldn't bring up in a relationship. That was how they got into the discussion with George.
During the discussions about relationships, Artie mentioned that Dana used to have this thing called ''The Book of Us'' which they were supposed to write stuff about their relationship in. He said he did it a couple of times but it was just not something he was into. Dana is still in possession of that book so Howard would love to get a hold of it and read what Artie wrote in it.
Howard asked George about whether or not he likes a big penis. George said he does like a big penis but he will not ridicule a man if he has a small one. They had some fun with that for a short time during the news.
Late in the news Gary came in and told Howard that Wendy the Retard left a message where she was basically saying goodbye to them because there was a hurricane heading her way. She thought that she might die if it hits her area. Howard played the message and Wendy was saying ''farewell'' to her fans and to Howard. She told Howard that the Force would be with them if she does pass away.
Howard and George were arguing about wether or not the singing in a play like Sweeny Todd is real singing. Howard said that if he can sing the way they do in one of those plays, then it's not real singing. He demonstrated by singing a song about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's new baby being born. He proved that he could do it and George told him he was surprised he had that in him.
Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:30am.
Howard started off the show wondering if anyone ever believed that they'd ever move to satellite. He also mentioned that George Takei is sitting in all week. He apologized for pronouncing his name wrong yesterday. George said that the way he pronounced it means ''expensive.'' Howard said that George performed a song for them yesterday so Richard took it and put music to the song. He played the song with the music in the background and had George laughing at his performance. He thought it sounded great. George said he did that song without rehearsal.
George was wearing a ''The Breakup'' t-shirt so he explained why he was wearing it. He claimed he was waiting for Artie to show up to go walking with him in Central Park yesterday. Artie said he told George that he had something to do yesterday so he couldn't make it. He did agree to do it today though so he may be walking through the park with him later this morning. Artie told Howard he agreed to go on the walk but in separate parts of the park.
Howard asked George if he would ever ''do it'' with Artie if he went that way. George said he'd have to think about that. Howard said George would probably demand that Artie go into therapy before he'd date him. He said he'd probably nag him about that until he broke up with him.
George said that Brad used to drive him up the wall about being neat and they would get into fights over it. He said Brad is very neat and that's where he came up with the nickname ''anal Annie.'' That name could be thought of in a different way but it didn't have anything to do with him being gay. George said that it makes you realize what's important. Artie added ''Cock...'' George got a laugh out of that.
Robin said that George loved Brad enough to go into therapy to keep that relationship going. Artie wouldn't do it for Dana. George said he did think about what it would be like without Brad in his life so that's why he would do something like that. Robin asked Artie if he's thought about that with Dana. Artie joked around about it instead of answering seriously. Howard said Artie is probably thinking about all of the sex he can have now that he's out of the relationship.
Howard said they've gotten a lot of feedback about George's return to the show. He read through a bunch of the mail and a lot of people are very happy he's back this week. One person said George sounded like he was as comfortable on the show as he would be at home. Another person wrote in about how George is a germphobic type but he doesn't mind sticking his dick in another man. Howard said that George really isn't into anal though. George confirmed that but Artie added that George has a tough time sitting down around his birthday.
Howard played some audio clips that the guys put together using audio clips from the show yesterday where they had George saying very nice things about Osama bin Laden. They took him saying ''Osama bin Laden'' and used that over and over again to have him saying he loves the guy, he's talented, macho and many other things.
Howard also played a prank call that they created using audio clips from George's audio book. They had George calling a guy and talking about ''lengthy black men'' and insulting the guy who was from Arkansas. Howard asked George if he keeps a straight face when he makes calls like that. George said he's thinking of taking back the freedom of speech award that he brought in for Howard yesterday. He said it's got to be against the law to use his voice in that way.
Howard read a story about NFL player Ben Roethlisberger who was injured in a motorcycle accident. He wasn't wearing a helmet so Howard wondered why someone like that would ride without a helmet. He said he doesn't understand doing that when he's making millions a year playing football. The guys spent a few minutes talking about that.
Howard read an e-mail from someone who suggested they have the God Hates Fags woman, Shirley, come on the show and argue with George Takei. Howard said they're going to make that happen in about 10 minutes.
Another e-mailer wrote in about Artie's upcoming downfall. After his breakup with Dana, things are going to go downhill and he will fall apart after getting into cocaine again. Artie just laughed when he heard that one. Another e-mailer commended Artie for breaking it off with Dana because it's better than having him marry her and have kids and then break up. The writer described the way it would go and how Artie would be so miserable that he wouldn't be able to work.
Howard read another few e-mails and one guy said Howard should be making a movie about Artie's life because his stories are great. There was another guy who asked how someone like Artie could let someone like Dana go.
Howard said they put the picture of Artie and his dad with Frankie Valli up on the web yesterday and it was a very touching picture. Robin said she didn't believe that the kid in the picture was really Artie, he was too cute. Howard got some feedback about that picture so he read through that.
Some people have been suggesting that they roast Jackie the Joke Man next. Howard said he would be willing to do that if Jackie would come in. Gary said he'd call Jackie but he thinks that Jackie is afraid of the show crew going after him in a roast.
Howard said some people have suggested that they roast George Takei. They talked about that for a short time and Artie said that they may have used up all of the gay jokes during the Ralph roast. George didn't know who Ralph was so Artie had to explain who he was.
Some people didn't like Sal and Richard's antics after the roast last week. He read through some of the mail about that. One writer thinks that Howard was more creative on terrestrial radio and the guy says he won't listen anymore.
Some people wrote in about Christa Miller's call yesterday and how Mandy Moore should have called in herself to defend herself. Christa was calling in to speak for Mandy. One writer said that Mandy is just upset that she lost her virginity to a ''brown man'' and that's why she's denying having lost her virginity to Wilmer Valderama.
One writer said that Robin was wrong about what she was saying about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's new born baby. She didn't think it was a U.S. citizen since it was born outside of the country. The writer said that the child is a U.S. citizen as long as one of the parents have a home in the country.
Howard told Shirley that George came out of the closet recently. Shirley asked George if he's a little bit old to be coming out of the closet. She then started to go off on him about bringing this upon the country at such an elderly age. George explained to her that he and Brad have been out of the closet for years but he just spoke to the press last year for the first time.
George told Shirley that his god is Buddha, not the same god as hers. She said that everyone has the same god and George being gay is an insult to their god. George was trying to make a point but Shirley kept interrupting him and going off on her own crazy thoughts.
George tried to tell Shirley about his thoughts on all of this stuff but she kept repeating the same stuff over and over again. Howard said that the two of them had no common ground. He told George that Shirley can push anyone's buttons. She told George that all he's doing is pissing off God and he shouldn't even talk. George asked Shirley if she knows that this is America and he can talk if he wants. Shirley then starts talking about why God hates America. She then started giving plugs for all of the hateful web sites she and her people have now. They have GodHates... web sites for Canada, Sweden, America and many other sites. They even have a site called PriestsRapeBoys.com.
Jeff the Drunk called in and called Shirley a ''dumb cunt'' but she just laughed. She then went off on Howard for what he does on his show. George said it's kind of sad that she's so hateful and goes through life like that. Robin let George know that she has 11 kids as well.
A phone caller said that he hopes that Shirley's kids all turn out gay after all of this hate preaching. She said that they don't just turn gay one day and that's not going to happen with her kids. George said that they do have to tolerate stuff like this because we do have free speech in this country. That led to Shirley saying that freedom of speech is being taken away from people in this country because of their church and they're trying to silence them.
A caller asked this woman if she's ever heard the term ''Love thy neighbor?'' Shirley said that has a meaning and started to ramble with her bible stuff. Gary came in and told Howard that they have a list of funerals that are coming up so she and her people can go protest at dead soldier's funerals. Howard took a call from a guy who said that if she shows up at any funeral he's at, he'll take care of things. He said that if she would be getting her ass kicked back to where she came from.
Shirley was telling Howard that one of the callers was a ''filthy mouth'' and he should stop him from talking like that. Howard wrapped up with her and found out that she's heading to North Carolina to protest an idol of Billy Graham because he's a ''false prophet.''
Artie asked Shirley if there are any celebrities out there that she likes. She said that she likes to watch the entertainment shows but she doesn't have a favorite. She said she is a fan of what Mel Gibson did with his movie ''The Passion of the Christ'' but he left out one thing from the movie... what she's telling Howard and how God is pissed off about what's going on in this world.
Howard asked Shirley if she likes ''Dancing with the Stars'' or ''American Idol.'' She's not a fan of either one because of what they represent. Artie said he agrees with her about not liking those shows. Howard wanted to create a show for Shirley where they would have the God Hates Fags people in a dance competition. He would call it ''Dancing with the Fag Haters.'' He also suggested ''America's Top Fag Hating Bachelor'' where one of her guys, who isn't married yet, can get set up with some fellow fag haters. Shirley won't be participating in that kind of thing so Howard suggested a ping pong contest where the God Hates Fags people go up against Gays. She wasn't into that one either.
Robin suggested a ''Fag Hating Survivor'' just so they could get all of these people on one island. Artie suggested ''Everybody Hates Fags'' as a CBS spin-off of ''Everybody Loves Raymond.'' Howard suggested ''Sein-fags'' and Robin threw in ''Queer Factor.''
Howard said that if her crew is willing to have a dance off, he'll make her an executive producer on the show. Shirley doesn't have time for that but now she's busy preaching her hate. She said that Howard has brought the wrath of god down on his head and she has to spend her time spreading the word.
Howard let Mariann from Brooklyn yell at Shirley for a few seconds. After she went off on her Artie wanted to get back to Shirley because her voice was easier to take. Mariann was claiming that Shirley does this to make money but Shirley claims that they don't ask anyone for money, they work for a living to make the money they use to go around the country preaching. Shirley said that she's a lawyer and she works hard for her money. Robin was surprised that she even has clients.
Howard wanted to wrap up this discussion because it could go on all day long if he didn't stop it. After Shirley got off the phone Fred played the cuckoo clock sound effect. Howard said that George was actually trying to speak to this woman but she wouldn't listen to what he had to say. He had to take a break a short time later.
Howard pretended to spank George and then said that Artie was going to tickle George with his penis. Fred payed a zipper unzipping sound and then more of George's laughs. Howard told Artie that was enough and moved on.
Howard took some phone calls next and said that he was going through HowardStern.com and saw that there is no bio for Howard on there. Howard said Doug Herwitt wrote one for him and he hated it so they never posted it. He said he didn't want a bio and if people don't know his bio already, they're not allowed to listen.
The caller brought up a conversation Howard had a couple of months ago about a B-list celebrity he had gotten oral from. He told Howard he thinks that it was Carmen Electra. Howard said he's glad he believes that but it wasn't her.
Another caller told Howard that Artie has made him cry twice now in the past couple of weeks. He said that the story about his father and his break up with Dana have brought tears to his eyes. Fred played some Twilight Zone music for the guy after hearing that. That caller also told Howard that he likes the way Beth looks on the G4 show ''Filter'' but he doesn't like the show itself. Howard told him to just watch the show for her then.
Artie asked Howard what Beth's show is about. Howard said he's not sure what the show is about exactly, but she's the host of the show. He said he tunes in just to see her outfits, he doesn't care what the rest of the show is about.
Howard said he watched the MTV Movie Awards the other night and he thought that Christina Aguilera looked really good. The hottest chick on the show was Kate Hudson though. He said she's lost weight and looks really good. Artie said he's a huge fan of Jessica Alba's but Howard and Fred were talking about how she's sexless and appears to be too good for everyone.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks Robin comes off like she's better than everyone. Both Howard and Robin said that's because she is.
Another caller said that he gets off by looking at pictures of young babies but he's not a pedophile. Artie said ''yes you are'' after the guy denied it. He said this has been going on for a couple of years now but he would never touch a baby in a sexual way.
Robin told this guy that if he gets turned on by kids, then he's a pedophile. The guy said it used to be teenagers but now it's kids who are under the age of 3 that turn him on. Howard said that he's definitely a pedophile. He told him to get some psychiatric help immediately. The guy said there must be people like him out there. There are, and they're pedophiles. Howard told the guy to go get some help. The guy disagreed that he needs help and he won't be trying to get any.
There was another audio clip where Henry Rollins said something nice about Howard so he played that clip as well. In the clip Rollins was basically reading a letter he wrote to the FCC where he asked them what they're thinking by fining people like Howard Stern and Bubba the Love Sponge. He points out the idiocy of their fining and censorship.
Howard had an audio clip from 'COPS' to play. He said that it's actually the longest running reality show with no recurring characters on it. He played the clip in which a woman is rambling, sounding very much like Cartman from ''South Park.'' She mumbles and eventually has to be taken down by the cops. Howard played another clip from 'COPS' where a woman goes nuts after the cops put her in handcuffs.
Howard had a clip of Paris Hilton appearing on David Letterman's show last night. He said that she really annoys him. George said he was walking down the street yesterday and saw a hoard of people out on the street taking pictures and it was Paris coming out of the building. Someone recognized George out on the street as well but there was no hoard of people out there taking his picture. Howard played the clip where Letterman talks to Paris about her new CD that she claims to have written herself. Letterman asked her if she would sing for them and she turned that down.
Paris said she wants to do a really hot performance for them but she wasn't prepared to do that. Howard said he knows that everyone is laughing at her but Robin added that they're also making her rich in the process. Artie said he heard that she got a piece of that sex video that was put out with her in it.
Letterman asked Paris about being single again. She said she's never really been alone so this is good for her and she will get to know herself a little better. Fred played Crackhead Bob's ''Blah, blah, blah'' audio clip after hearing Paris rambling.
Howard had another audio clip where Pat Robertson is talking about leg pressing 2000 pounds. He started to play the clip but it was 3 minutes long and the guy was so boring that he bailed out on it.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Howard is going to take all of the music performances from the old shows to pay on Howard 101 or something. He said they're putting together a bunch of specials with those old K-Rock shows that they'll air on the weekends and stuff. He wants to host some of those shows himself. He's not sure if he wants to just play the songs or the whole interview with the song. He said they're going to have to appoint at least 2 people to go through all of the content to figure out what to do with it.
Howard said he's been very diligent about taking notes about the shows and archiving all of the audio so everything is in order. They just have to go through it and take some clips from the old shows to make these specials. He said that stuff will eventually get out there to everyone.
Howard quickly mentioned that they have Dustin Diamond (Screech) coming in to talk about how he's losing his house. They also have Louis C.K. coming in to talk about his new HBO show ''Lucky Louie.''
JD had warned him that it wasn't going to be very good but Howard was liking what he was hearing. He said it wasn't the caliber of the Artie Roast but it was some funny material. JD apologized for what he said about it not being funny. Gilbert's act quickly went down hill after that.
Howard asked JD if Mario Cantone was funny. JD wasn't sure so Howard played the clip to find out for himself. He had a few funny jokes in there and had George Takei laughing. Howard then said that once they started roasting people on their show, everyone has the bright idea to roast people on their shows. Artie said that Comedy Central brought back the concept of roasting people a few years ago but it is kind of odd that they are doing something like that.
Gary told Howard that there was a show in Washington DC that did a revelation show just like they did when they moved to satellite. Howard said that he'd love to look at the list of subscribers to see just how many of these guys are listening to his show and ripping off his ideas. He said they like to lift stuff from his show and then bad mouth him. Gary said they sometimes steal stuff and change it just a little bit to make it seem like they came up with a great idea.
The guys got sidetracked and spent some time talking about Artie's roast from last week. Howard took a call from a guy who told Howard that he didn't invent the roast. Howard said he wasn't saying he invented the roast, he just finds it odd that now that they've been roasting people on the show that a show like The View is doing the same type of thing.
Lisa said that they're also going to be talking about how so many people want George to be a regular on the show. George said he would love to do that but he has a lot of other commitments. He told Howard that he's going to be doing a new Star Trek episode, for ''New Voyages'' that will not be airing on TV. It's going to be on the internet. He said that he may be able to come back in September to do another week of shows with Howard and the crew.
Lisa said they'll be talking about people with chronic lung problems like Scott the Engineer and how playing the harmonica may help. Howard thanked her for the preview and let her go after that.
Mariann from Brooklyn called back and complained that she was stifled by Colin Quinn and Lisa Lampanelli who told her that her jokes were no good. She took them out because of that. Howard wanted to hear a couple of the jokes that she left out. Mariann rambled off a couple of the jokes and Howard told her that Colin and Lisa were right, it was best that she took them out of her act. Artie said he's so pissed that she didn't do them that day. Howard had to take a break after that so he had George do a quick announcement.
Howard said one of his favorite sounds on the show is the Mike Walker fart that they caught him doing off the air. He said that if he was on Inside the Actors Studio and they asked him what his favorite sound is, it would be that fart. Richard Christy took that fart sound and called the public affairs shows that they've been calling quite a bit lately. In the first clip Richard calls this guy who they've called a bunch of times lately. He used audio of the host's voice to have a conversation with himself. Then they called back with the Mike Walker fart and played that a couple of times. He hangs up on them but they had all of the lines taken up so when he went to the next call, he got the fart once again.
Artie said that he just saw a picture of the woman that Cynthia Nixon is dating and he didn't know that the chick looks just like Danny Bonaduce. Howard said that's the one picture that they printed from the Tony Awards and the only reason they're doing that is because Cynthia came out. Artie said that it's great that a woman like that found love.
Howard played some Mike Walker fart song parodies and things like that. He took a call from a woman who asked if they're going to play the Beetlejuice song now that they have the classic clips. Howard said they'll play all of that stuff eventually. He went into another Mike Walker song for a few seconds and then brought in Dustin Diamond.
Dustin came in and Howard noticed that he had his teeth capped but they were a bit too white. Dustin said he went up to Canada to have them done and they did it for free up there. Dustin told George that he's got a great voice so Howard played a bunch of the George Takei audio clips that Richard created.
Howard asked Dustin about the money situation he's in right now. Dustin said he's been out on the road doing comedy and things like that. He said he made about $2 million total for the Saved by the Bell thing. It wasn't all that much since it was a Saturday morning show. He said his parents pissed away a lot of the money he made.
Dustin said he moved on after that and made up with his father who came along with him to Milwaukee. He said he's been selling out a lot of clubs and shows doing comedy but he's in danger of losing his house out there. He said that his girlfriend had a problem with her pregnancy and they ended up losing the baby. That ended up costing them $125,000 in medical bills. He said his credit sucks because all of his money was pissed away by his parents. Since his credit is such a mess, he can't get a mortgage loan. He said this guy offered to hook him up with a loan that is now allowing the guy to take the property from him unless he gives him $250,000 in 30 days.
Dustin said that he's got a bunch of other things going on with that land contract and now he's trying to make a few bucks to try and save his house. He said he's got a t-shirt that he wants to sell for $15 and he's going to use the proceeds to save his house. He's reaching out to the public to save his house. He'd have to sell around 30,000 shirts to make up that money. Howard and Artie both said they'd buy shirts from him. Artie asked for a XX size but he didn't have any with him. You can help Dustin out by going to GetDShirts.com.
Artie offered Dustin a gig out in Pittsburgh opening up for him. Dustin warned him that he's a dirty comic. Artie just laughed since he's dirty as well. He said he'll give Dustin $2,000 to open up for him but they money is coming out of his cut. The show is already sold out so they're all set.
Dustin told Howard how he met his girlfriend while he was joking around in a club one night. He gave her the whole deal about how he was on Saved by the Bell and things like that to get it out of the way immediately. Robin asked him why he won't just leave the home. Dustin said it's his home and he's put a lot of money into it over the past 3 years. He's got equity built up in the house but he can't get a loan.
Howard said that George Takei is on the board of a bank so he asked him if they would give him a loan. George said that they have people who would have to go through that with him.
Howard asked Dustin about his penis size since one of the rumors on the web is about that. Dustin said that's one of the rumors that's true. He said he's probably around 10 inches fully erect. They spent a short time on that subject. Dustin was telling Howard that the first time he had sex it was horrible because there was so much blood from the woman.
Sal the Stockbroker came in and said that they had $500 for Dustin if he wanted to do some stunts. They had a dildo that he could choke on, taking a tea bag from them or maybe some Gay Chicken. Richard explained that one to him but he had no desire to do that stuff.
Dustin got back to the discussion about the first time he had sex. He told Howard about the blood and how the girl was a virgin so there was a lot of ''rippage'' going on there. He was basically saying that having as much girth as he has is a curse.
Howard had the guys bring in Dustin's girlfriend Jennifer to find out what it's like to be with a man with a penis that large. She said that she was afraid the first time she saw him. She said that it took him a while to get her in bed. She said that his penis is the largest that she's ever seen. Dustin told Howard that the first time he went to kiss her, she didn't just turn her head, she left him hanging and all he got was air. He said he had respect for her after that.
Howard asked Jennifer if it was painful the first time. She said it was a bit uncomfortable. Dustin said he's able to get the whole thing in there but he can't just ram it in there. He said he's gentle with her. He was telling Howard that all condoms hurt when they're on, even the Magnums. He said that the Magnums are actually too short for him.
Howard asked Jennifer if she had warning when Dustin pulled out his dick for the first time. She said he did warn her but she thought he was joking around. She didn't know he was serious. Jennifer said she was very shocked because it was ''Screech.''
Howard took a phone call from a guy who said he could help Dustin get his credit in line in the next 30 days or so. He gave out a phone number for his business and stuff like that. Bob Levy called in and told Dustin that if he really wants to sell a t-shirt, he should sell one that says ''I just fucked Artie out of $2,000.'' Artie was saying that he's not taking anyone else off the show out there, he's just adding one more guy.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that this guy is coming off kind of bad selling stuff like this to make money. Dustin said he's not just asking for money, he's selling something to make the money. A lot of comedians sell t-shirts and stuff.
Dustin said that all of the information about this stuff is on his web site and it's an embarrassing thing for him to have to go out and ask for money like this. Artie said he's giving him this gig for Karma because he's pretty sure he'll be broke one day.
Howard told Dustin that his fiancee is a very lovely woman and thanked him for coming in. He talked to Dustin about his big cock a little more and said he would never know what it's like to be able to not be embarrassed to take his pants down in a bathroom. Howard said it's a blessing to have a penis that large and he should never even think about getting a penis reduction. Artie said that when he takes a piss it looks like water coming out of a stomach. He also said that he's had guys at Yankee games trying to check out his cock.
Howard said he's got almost a button as a dick down there so it's embarrassing to go to the bathroom in public. George said that he's had people trying to look while he's trying to pee in public so he has to ask for a private bathroom. He's not hung like Dustin though.
Dustin said that if he sits on a toilet, his dick is so long that it touches the water or the side of the toilet. He said it's a pain in the ass to go to the bathroom because he almost has to roll it up and out of the way. Howard said he would love that. He said he can walk around in front of Beth right after sex because he's still got a semi-hard penis and he looks fantastic, but it soon begins to wilt so he has to put it away after that.
Howard asked Dustin how far down his leg his penis hangs. He said hit hangs down as long as it is but he didn't want to show it to Howard. Artie said that Sal and Richard looked like they were excited about the fact that they might get a chance to see his dick and it was very disturbing.
Howard said this stuff is not fun for Dustin and he's gotten himself into a bad business deal. He ended up talking to Dustin about working on ''Saved by the Bell'' but he kept getting back to his big penis. He had a lot of questions about what it's like to have a dick that big. He said that Jennifer must be quite a woman to deal with that thing.
Howard said that Dustin is a nice guy and this is an unfortunate situation for him. He gave him another plug for his web site GetDShirts.com and wrapped up a short time later.
Howard took another call from a guy who said the Artie roast was great. He also asked about Louis C.K. Since he had seen his new TV show on HBO and liked it. That led to the guys talking about how they shoot that show like a regular sitcom but they're allowed to curse.
A phone caller asked Howard to play a classic prank call that they have in the K-Rock archives. He wanted to hear the ''My Turban is Dirty'' call that Sal made. Howard said that he would play that clip even though he wasn't going to play any of the classic stuff yet. He granted the guy his wish and played the call. In the classic call Sal calls an Indian restaurant and told him he had a guy coming to pick up some food who was named ''Mitur Binesderty.'' The guy freaks out on them and hangs up multiple times.
Howard said he shouldn't have played that clip because he did have the rule about not playing the 20 year archive stuff yet.
Howard said he was reading his bio and a lot of fucked up stuff stands out. He claims that his parents sent him to a retarded kids camp one year, but Louis isn't retarded. He said that's similar to the story about Babe Ruth whose parents dumped him off in an orphanage when he was a young boy. Louis said that his parent made a mistake and dropped him at this camp not knowing that it was for retarded kids.
Howard asked Louis if he could have turned that retarded camp thing into something special because he must have been the most popular kid at camp. Louis said that didn't happen for him. He was only in 3rd grade at the time, but he did go back for 3 years. He said his dad sent him to try and toughen him up because he though he was a little ''soft'' back then.
Howard asked Louis if the people at camp ever asked him why he was there. Louis said that the camp was supposed to be for both retarded kids and regular kids but no one ever sent their normal kids there. His parents were the only ones who were dumb enough to send them there.
Louis said he never put any moves on the retarded girls there. He said he never even kissed a girl until he was a freshman in high school. He also talked about going to see hookers in New York City. He said there was one time he was out looking for motorcycle parts and ran across one of these street hookers. That was a long time ago when he was much younger. Artie said he and some friends got a whore to blow them and he shared one chick with a friend. Louis said he was filled with shame after doing something like that and wouldn't want anyone else around to see it.
Louis said he went to find this motorcycle shop and there was a woman hanging out the window and showing her tits so he waved back. She quickly came down and offered to blow him for eight bucks so he took her up on the offer. He had to give $20 to this guy to buzz them into the building which was condemned. The place was a mess and the windows were broken so the wind was blowing through the place in the middle of winter.
Louis said the woman had chunks of hair missing out of her hair. She put a condom on him and blew him. Then he got up to leave and some guy started heading his way so he tried to get out of there as fast as possible. He somehow escaped and heard the woman say ''Oh, we lost him...'' He figured that they were out to kill him at that point.
Howard read some other notes from Louis' bio and saw that there was a guy who lived in his neighborhood as a kid and would pick kids up in his Ford Pinto. He would offer teenage boys lunch so some kids would get in and go with him. Then he'd put his hand on their knee and tell them that he wanted to be their friend. Louis didn't get into that stuff though. He did said he got into drugs for a while.
Howard asked Louis about what he's getting paid working at HBO and if they pay as poorly as he's heard. Louis said he's doing pretty good for what he's doing. He told Howard that they're able to talk about just about anything on the show and even called God a cunt during a funny scene with Jim Norton, who used the word about 40 times, and HBO never said a word about it.
Howard read that Louis wrote the movie ''Pootie Tang'' so he spent some time talking to him about that. Louis told Howard about a meeting he had with the people who financed the film and how they yelled at him after seeing it for the first time. Louis said that all he wanted to do at the time was make movies and that dream was being ruined by these guys as they were yelling at him. He actually enjoyed having them yelling at him though and turned it into a good thing. He said surviving failure is an amazing thing. Artie said ''Tell me about it...''
Louis said he remembers watching Siskel and Ebert reviewing the movie and talking about how awful it was. Howard wondered why they released it at all. Louis said they did so because Chris Rock was very hot at the time. The movie has made its' money back since then and it's become a bit of a cult classic.
George Takei told Louis that his success is because of the attitude he has. His failures actually helped him get to where he is now. Howard asked Louis if he ever got any good looking hookers. Louis said he did have a couple, but he really didn't go to a lot of hookers.
Louis talked about going to therapy and how he had to get out of that because he hated to keep hearing himself talking about all of his shit. What he learned in therapy is that his wife is nuts. He said that he hasn't had sex with his wife since about March. The woman who plays his wife in the TV show is attractive but he said he didn't pick her just because of that.
Gary came in and asked Louis about an odd sexual encounter he had when he was 12. He read that he sat on a guy's back as the guy screwed the floor. Louis said that he was about 12 or 13 at the time and he had just jerked off for the first time and had something come out. A friend of his had just done it for the first time and did it in a strange way so he was asked to sit on the guy's back as he jerked off and he did it.
Howard thanked Louis for coming in and gave him a plug for his show ''Lucky Louie'' which airs Sunday night's at 10:30pm on HBO. You can get more info about his upcoming comedy shows at LouisCK.com
Louis told Howard about the first time he heard his show and how, at first, he was pissed off that they weren't playing music on the show. He wondered what that shit was and then Howard called Yoko Ono on some talk show and prank called her. That's when he realized how great the show was. Howard wished him luck with his show again. Artie is also happy for him because he's seen him working so hard to get his stuff going over the years. He remembered a movie that Louis made years ago and how great it was. Louis said that movie was never released and the only copy is sitting under his bed. Howard wrapped up a short time later and went to break.
Howard asked if anyone had seen the clip on the internet of the black kid yelling at the Korean deli owner. He said that blacks seem to have a lot of anger toward Koreans because they come to this country, open stores and prosper. Howard played the audio from the video he was talking about. In the clip you hear the little kid yelling at the deli owner saying he gave the woman a $20 but she claims he gave him $10. The kid said he wasn't going to leave until he got his motherfucking change. It was actually very funny. The woman was actually Japanese, not Korean like Howard thought she was.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that it was great to hear the show while he drives his truck. He also gave a shout out to the people on SFN and said something about 'I Heart' being a douche bag. Howard had some idea what the guy was talking about.
Howard mentioned the fact that Frank Sinatra Jr. Had walked out on the show yesterday. Someone sent in an e-mail about that and said that it was probably Artie's fault. Gary said he never even got a call about that from the record company that booked him. He said the people at SIRIUS were upset because he was supposed to do a whole day's worth of interviews.
Howard had George Flowers give his Howard 100 News preview. He went through the list of stuff that Lisa G had mentioned earlier in the morning. Jon Hein then talked about what they were going to be discussing on the Wrap Up Show today. He mentioned the Dustin Diamond and Louis C.K. interviews and said they'll talk about those. They'll also be talking about the George Takei clips that Richard put together and about the classic ''My Turban is Dirty'' clip that Howard played.
Howard asked Artie if he will ever go to Jessica Hahn for that hand job that she offered to him. He said he thought about that and figures he won't go there because there's too much baggage there. She's got the boyfriend and that would be just too much for him... but if she's in a room with him and starts jerking him off, he's not going to stop her.
Richard Christy came in and asked George if he wanted to ride the Sybian. Howard told him that George wouldn't get off on that and he's not the type of guy who would ride it.
Ralph called in and said that he thinks he's dating now because he went to see ''The Breakup.'' Guys don't go to see that movie by themselves or with guy friends. Artie said he went with his aunt and uncle and he's not dating right now. He said he is going out to Vegas this weekend though.
Bubba the Love Sponge called in and said he wanted to chime in on the Artie stuff. He said he wants to bring Artie down there to Tampa to hook him up. Artie said he's thinking about booking some gigs down there just so he can hang out with Bubba.
Artie was also saying that he knows a few chicks in Pittsburgh that are slam dunks for him and they'll all show up to his gigs out there. They're all hot according to Artie.
Bubba was telling Howard that he's got that hot chick Akira coming over to his house to do a photo shoot. He said he's tried to get her in bed with his soon-to-be-wife but it hasn't happened yet. Bubba was saying that she does have a black mark against her because she did make out with Ralph on the couch at Scores. Howard asked Ralph what ever happened with that. Ralph said he lost touch with her after losing his phone.
Howard told Bubba that he really can't get married because he's got so much crazy shit going on in his life. Bubba said she's really cool though and he's working out a pre-nup already. Bubba got back to the Akira discussion and talked about how she's staying over at his place on Thursday and then they're going to do a whole video shoot with her on Friday.
Bubba also mentioned this hot chick he had on his show yesterday, Melissa Midwest, and how he thinks he could get her to sleep with Artie. Artie said he'll be down there tomorrow if that's the case. Bubba said she'll do just about anything he tells her to do. He's pretty sure that he could get her to hook up with Artie and she's even better looking in person than she is in her pictures.
Artie and Bubba spent a couple of minutes talking about all of the chicks Artie could be banging. That led to the guys talking about having a ''puss off'' between Ralph and Bubba. They were going to go out and pick up chicks to see who can get the best looking chicks. Howard has seen Ralph in action and he knows that he can get some hot chicks.
Bubba wants to help Artie out with this stuff but Artie was saying he doesn't want to be a charity case. The guys were sharing stories about using condoms or not using them for oral sex. Artie said he's had a condom on while getting oral but Ralph and Bubba were saying they never do that.
Howard told Artie he really does need to go down to Tampa to do an appearance, just so he can do this with Bubba. Howard brought up Hulk Hogan since he recently moved to Miami and isn't around Bubba anymore. Bubba said he heard from Hulk and he's miserable down there. He wants to move back now.
Howard thinks that Artie would fall in love with one of these whores because it's the kind of woman he's looking for. Bubba said there's a web site out there that hooks rich guys up with chicks who are looking for guys like that.
Howard said he had an offer coming in from Jessica Hahn. She was on the phone saying that she looks so good right now that she might be able to slip away for a weekend. Artie told her that he was going to be very cold right now and said that he can get a 23 year old chick right now if he wanted. He said that Jessica is like 58 now and he's not interested in that. She said she might be able to find someone hot for Artie, probably someone hotter than the girls Ralph and Bubba could find.
The guys were saying that Artie needs a wing man when he's out looking for chicks. Artie said his wing man is going to be 35 Ben Franklins. Howard had to get going after that because it was after 11 o'clock already. Artie said that he might go to Jessica just so he could brag that he had shared a woman with Kinison. Howard had Robin start her news after that.
Howard ended the show around 11:35am.
Howard started off the show talking about how he was reading on SternFanNetwork about a debate on whether or not the opening theme song should be the opening theme song. He said he didn't think he should put that much thought into it though. Artie suggested that he not read that site anymore then. He said that's probably right but he can't help it.
Howard said there was a whole discussion about a comment he made about ending the show at 10:30 yesterday because he told Beth he wanted to do that. That led to people talking about how whipped he is even though it was his idea to try and end the show like that. Now he figures there will be a whole thread about how he's trying to save the relationship by saying it wasn't her idea.
There was also a discussion about how he didn't go to Scores last week after the roast. He said Beth didn't have anything to do with that either.
Howard said hello to George Takei and said that everyone was positive about him on SFN. Howard told him that he was kind of bashed over supporting Screech (Dustin Diamond) on the show yesterday. People were saying that he's not going to be homeless if he loses his house, he just won't own a home. George Takei was supportive of Dustin because people need help when they have problems like that. Robin said that people were upset because he was Screech and he was asking for money. Robin said that what bothered her was that Dustin fixed his teeth.
Artie said he can't wait to see Dustin's act in Pittsburgh. He said that Shuli was kind of upset with him for giving that $2,000 gig to Dustin. Howard said a lot of people were upset about that deal. George thought that showed that Artie had a big heart.
George said that there are many sides to Artie. He has a side that enjoys the finer side of life. Howard said that this is almost like a modern day ''Odd Couple.'' Artie said that he learned a lot going to that museum. Howard said he was impressed by this and it's nice to see them getting along like this.
Artie said that what he likes about architecture is that white collar guys have to mix with construction guys to get these jobs done.
The guys figured that if Dana had asked Artie to go to that museum, he probably wouldn't have gone. Artie said he's been to a museum with her. George said Artie showed up with a camera man (Jason) and a whole entourage (Steve Langford from Howard 100 News). Jason came in and said that Artie didn't ask them to come with him, they just met them over there so they'd have a news story.
Artie was saying that Steve Langford is really intense and invades your personal space. He was asking them about their ''date'' while interviewing them.
Howard said he went over to his porn shelf, grabbed whatever was there and threw it in the DVD player. He pulled out ''Sopornos 4.'' He figured he had pulled something bad out and wanted to change it but he also wanted to just get it over with. He was surprised by the quality of the girls and very disturbed by the guy who played Tony Soporno.
Howard talked about this Asian chick who was sucking this guy off while another girl was sucking the guy's balls. He had to turn away because it was so painful looking to him. He fast forwarded and found another spot where he was able to blow a load. He wasn't focused on the guy's balls by that point because the guy was banging the Asian chick while she ate out another chick.
The guys talked about porn for a couple of minutes and George was saying that this is all foreign territory for him. Howard asked him if he watches porn at all. George said he doesn't watch that type of porn and Brad doesn't like him watching gay porn. He's not sure why, he just said '''that's just him...'' He said Brad may feel that there should be purity in the relationship. He said Brad knows that he watches porn once in a while.
Howard asked George how often he goes off and watches porn. He said it happens periodically, maybe every couple of months.
George was telling Howard that he got into a conversation with a fan of his yesterday and spent a few minutes talking to him in Spanish. Howard got back to the porn story a short time later and asked George where he gets the porn. George said he gets it from friends who tell him to check that stuff out. Howard asked him where he hides his porn. He didn't want to say it on the air but eventually said he hides it under his bed. He said he'll have to change that hiding place now.
Howard and Robin asked him what kind of porn he likes. George said he likes the form of an aroused male body and two people together. Richard came in and told Howard he had some audio clips George might like to hear. Howard played a clip from ''Gag the Fag'' where a guy was gagging on another man. George was laughing as he heard it and gave us an ''Oh my!'' Howard played another couple of clips of guys getting it on but George said it's not the same hearing it as it would be watching it.
Howard said he watched that Sopornos movie and wanted to clean up before going to bed. He got up, put the porn away and flushed his tissues down the toilet. He said he used 3 tissues, 2 for jerking off into and one to wrap up the two in. He made sure they were flushed away so no one would find them. George said that he suggests a towel instead of tissues.
Howard asked George what he does with the towels he uses. George said he throws them into the wash. Howard thought he had someone who washes his laundry so someone would see the cum filled towel. Artie said that George likes getting blown by Arab guys because the towel is right there for him. He got a few laughs from that and said he may have to put that in his comedy act.
Howard said he's learned something about George blowing his load into a towel. He didn't know that about him. Artie was saying that George wouldn't stop with the talk about Brad yesterday. It was ''Brad, Brad, Brad, Brad, Brad...'' George said he didn't mean to make him jealous. He was also saying that he was learning a lot about Artie yesterday and it was like peeling off the many layers of Artie.
George was saying that he would like to go to a baseball game with Artie but Artie said the people at the game would be a little more cretinous than George's friends are. George's friends would accept him more easily than Artie's friends would accept George.
Howard said that Artie is going to Vegas this weekend and Dana may be worried because Artie is talking a lot about getting laid by some 23 year old. Howard said Artie even told Jessica Hahn that he was turning her down because he could be banging a 23 year old. Howard thinks the word must have gotten back to Dana and she got jealous.
Artie said he's still thinking about saving the relationship but he was really excited about going to Vegas. He misses Dana and it's hard for him not to call her. He said they did get into a little fight after he told her that he saw that she had called and didn't call her back.
Howard asked Artie what he's going to do, is he going to go to Vegas and bang a whore, or not bang anyone. Artie isn't sure what he wants to do. He said he was thinking of telling Dana that he's getting laid in Vegas one way or another. Either she's coming with him or he's going to bang some other chick.
Howard got a hold of the pictures that Jason took of Artie and George yesterday. The pictures are up on HowardStern.com today. He told Artie and George that the pictures would go perfectly in their ''Book of Us.'' He wanted to pass them along to The Advocate magazine.
Howard got back to Artie and asked him about the Vegas trip. Artie said he's kind of confused now. He felt like he lost something there and he knows that he could be back with her if he just made an appointment with a shrink. Artie said the film festival he's going to at The Palms is going to be great. He said Dennis Hopper is having his birthday out there this weekend so he's going to go to that.
Artie said that Dana got really annoyed with him so she hung up on him. He went back to watching the Yankee game instead of getting into a whole argument about their relationship. Artie said he's very confused by all of this and he's not sure how to handle it.
George said that there's a core of love there and it's understandable that he's confused. He said there are some things there that he doesn't understand... Artie cut him off and said ''You mean like the fact that she has a pussy?''
Artie said he doesn't want to go to Vegas and be thinking about her when he could just have her out there. Howard gave him some advice and said that if he goes to Vegas and bangs some whores, he should never admit to it if he's thinking about getting back together with Dana. Artie said he knows that.
King of All Blacks called in and told Artie not to make the mistake of not going to Las Vegas. He said he shouldn't bring Dana. Howard told King that Artie really loves Dana though. King said he knows that but he shouldn't avoid going to Vegas. He said he knows that Dana loves him but that shouldn't stop him from going.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and told him that Dana is calling him 2 days before he goes to Vegas and that's just pushing too many buttons. She told him not to make a mistake by getting back with her. She said he can't have anyone telling him what to do.
Howard took another call from a woman who thinks that Dana is playing a game with Artie. She knows that Artie is going to Vegas and she doesn't want him to be with anyone else. She thinks that Dana is just jealous and she doesn't want Artie to be with anyone else. Artie said he's not going to accept that deal if that's the case.
Robin thought that Artie wasn't sure if they were actually broken up or not. Artie said the relationship was off and he had talked about that this week. Now it seems like he's not really sure and he's thinking about getting back together with her.
Howard said Robin is right because if it was really over he wouldn't be dealing with this bullshit. He told him to either just go to the therapist or call off the whole thing. Artie said Dana is giving him a lot of mixed signals and he's not sure what's going on. Howard said that it's obvious that Artie still wants Dana and he's not going to have fun out there if he's thinking about her the whole time. He thinks he should come up with some kind of compromise with her.
Fred said that things are going to be really confusing for Artie if goes to Vegas and bangs another chick out there. Artie said he's got his cash with him and thought that he could only bring 10 grand with him on the plane. Howard told him that's only if he's leaving the country. Artie said he may have to bring 20 grand then.
A caller told Artie to cut out the middle man and just give Dana a check for $100,000 or so. Artie said it would have to be a lot more money than that. Captain Janks called in and said that while he's trying to figure out where the relationship is going, he should carry around a bottle of Jack Daniels and tube of K-Y.
Howard gave Artie some advice and said it's simple. If he really wants to break up with Dana, he should get on that plane, go to Vegas and fuck his brains out. If he wants to keep things going with Dana, he shouldn't fuck anyone out there and he should make that decision right now. Artie said he thinks that he's almost got Dana at this point and it's almost a touchdown. He sees it as if she's forcing him to go to therapy and he doesn't want that.
Howard told Artie to look him in the eye as he was asking him what he wanted to do. Artie said he's not sure if he wants to get back with her or go fuck some whores. Howard said he thinks he doesn't want to get back with Dana, if he did, he would have made that decision immediately. If being asked to go to therapy is too much for him, he should call things off and stop it already.
Fred said that if Artie doesn't budge on the therapy thing, he should just stop talking to Dana. George said he echo's what Fred said. Howard said they were going to break and when they came back, he wanted an answer. Artie said he just wanted to eat his bagel.
Howard mentioned that Robert Duvall was coming in this morning so Artie recited a bunch of lines from The Godfather doing all of the voices from the scene... all of that while eating a bagel. Howard went to break right after that.
Howard said that Gary Garver was out at a tribute to Liza Minelli and got an interview with Brittany Murphy. He said he hit her with a softball question first and then slammed her with a hardball question that chased her away. There was nothing in between.
Howard played the clip where Gary asked Brittany about how Liza has inspired her and she goes off on this whole explanation. Then Garver asked her ''Why do people think you're crazy?'' and chased her away. Artie said that second question was answered after hearing the answer for the first question.
Howard asked the caller if he wanted to play a game with them because he had some money to give away courtesy of the movie ''Running Scared'' which is coming out on DVD. Howard told the guy he had to match up 3 out of 5 questions in a Drunken Miss Howard Stern Game. He played a little intro where Sal asked her how much school she went through. He interrupted it to talk about how creepy Sal sounded in the clip. That led to a discussion about the weird stuff he does.
Howard played a clip of Sal trying to seduce Nicole Bass the other day. He tried to have phone sex with her. He was talking to her about how good she looks these days and asked her what she was wearing. He tried to have some phone sex with her but Nicole didn't want to go there. Sal turned on her and told her to whip out her dick when she didn't want to have phone sex. Nicole ended up hanging up on him.
Howard got back to the Miss Howard Stern game and listened to her talking about how she finished up 12th grade... over and over again. She was home schooled for those following along. Howard played the questions and asked the caller if she would know the answers. Here are the questions and the answers Miss Howard Stern gave...
Howard got back to the Miss Howard Stern stuff and played some more questions. The guys bet on whether or not she would answer correctly or not. Here are the questions and Miss Howard Stern's answers...
Lisa said that they'll have Steve Langford doing a report about Artie and George's ''date'' yesterday. They'll also have a story about a company trying to buy Howard a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Howard said he was going to talk about that. He's not behind it and he's not sure he agrees with the whole walk of fame thing because stars have to pay for their star. George said he has a star there and it's the fans who do it as a tribute to the stars. Howard said he's kind of proud he doesn't have a star.
Howard said the guy who started the campaign to get that star is a former Clear Channel employee. He read an article about the guy and why he's trying to get the star put in. The guy is the creator of Sinus Buster which was a sponsor of his. He read that it usually costs $15,000 to put a star in but the Hollywood Walk of Fame committee is mostly against putting Howard's name there. That's the reason Howard wouldn't want one there. He said he doesn't want to have to convince anyone to put his star there like this guy wants to do.
Lisa got back to her news preview and said that they'll be talking to Frank Decarro about the prank calls he gets on his show from Stern Fans. She wrapped up her preview after that.
Gary told Howard he had a new voice mail from Eric so he went right into that. Eric was talking about this Father's day special that was supposed to be coming up but Howard had no idea what he was talking about. He doesn't have the best delivery for his jokes.
Howard goofed on Eric's voice while Fred was playing the buzzer sound effect. He continued to play the call where Eric was talking about what he hopes happened when Artie spoke to the psychic about his father. Artie told Howard about the phone call he had with the psychic and how dopey her stuff was. He said that she blurted out ''Antenna'' at one point and his father was an antenna installer but he's said that on the show before. She was asking him if his father was tall and stuff like that. She was way off on that. Artie said that the whole thing was retarded. Howard said it's sad but they got a bad bullshitter with that Psychic.
Scott the Engineer came in and said that he did the psychic thing. He was blown away by what she said because she told him that his father died twice. She was right because he did die twice. He died and was revived and then died again.
Gary said that Jason was producing the show and he's the one who told the psychic to ask Scott about his father dying twice. Howard said that's what Jason should have done with all of the guys to make the show work. Jason came in and said the show was going so slow that he had to do that. He even fed her the antenna line. Howard said