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Howard started off the morning talking about last night's ''The Sopranos'' episode. He said that Joey G got whacked on the show and he's supposed to be around the building today so they may have him stop by to ask him what it's like to get whacked.
Howard brought up this writer, Nicolas D. Christoph, who wrote an article about things that are killing us off in this country like Girl Scout Cookies and fast food. That leads to people getting fat from the trans-fat in the food and the medical bills are draining this country's health care system dry. He said that there's a law in Denmark that says that you can not have more than 2 percent trans-fat in the food people eat. He said that the count of that type of fat in Denmark is under half a percent while it's 10 percent here in the United States.
Howard read that over in the other countries the trans-fat is much lower so it's possible to make that food with less. The article said that if another country were selling us food with that kind of fat in it, they'd be attacked for trying to kill us.
Howard said that the terrestrial radio broadcasters are trying to get the FCC to go after satellite radio to fine them as well. The sad thing is that the bill was backed by AFTRA which is the union that Howard is part of. Howard said that Gary Ackerman's people sent him a copy of the article. Robin said that they're passing this bill as an indecency bill but it's really just a way of taking away free speech.
Artie said that the green room at Jimmy's show is really just a bar with a pool table and stuff like that. Howard told Artie that he was reading some complaints about him on SternFanNetwork.com and they were saying that if you're fat, you should never wear white. Artie said it wasn't really white but it did come across like that. Artie said he doesn't really lay out outfits, he just throws stuff in a bag and throws it on.
Artie said that he'll be on The Best Damn Sports Show tomorrow night and he'll look even worse there because he had just gotten off the plane. He went right over there and did that show so he was all disheveled when he got there.
Artie said that he was dragged out of the green room to do the interview so he put his Jack and water in a coffee mug to get it out on stage. Artie said that he kept hitting his mic with the coffee mug so they had to stop the interview and move his mic. They didn't put that on the air even though they tape the show about 6 minutes before it airs on the East coast.
Howard thought Artie was great on the show and he would have loved to have seen him hitting the mic. Artie said they left out him saying that it was filled with Jack Daniels. Artie said that at the very end of the interview he yelled out ''Sirius satellite radio'' and the audience went nuts as if they all had it. They all seemed to know about it when he mentioned it.
Howard said he was out in the Hamptons over the weekend and wasn't able to get the signal from the satellite. He said he has the portable boombox so he's constantly moving the box around to get the signal. Robin told him that he can take the antenna out and move it around.
Artie said that Jimmy stayed with him after the show to drink with him. They had Hoobastank playing for the audience there at the show that night so he explained to Howard how that worked. They do a little concert for the audience there. Howard thinks Jimmy is trying to catalog all of that stuff for some reason.
Artie said that Sarah Silverman took Jimmy's kids home for him just so he could stay and drink with him. Howard took a call from a guy who said that Artie looked at Jimmy's eyes about 3 times during that interview. Artie said he doesn't know when he does stuff like that. Howard said that's really annoying when you try to talk to Artie and he won't look at you. Artie said that Howard's eyes dart all over the place when he looks at him so he can't tell if he's looking at him. Artie said he feels like he's annoying people when he talks to them.
Bobo called in and said that Artie was bleeped on the show around the time he said ''Fi-AHH.'' Gary said he heard that they bleeped him when he said ''Jesus.'' Howard didn't know that people couldn't say Jesus on network TV. Artie reminded him that ABC is owned by Disney so you have to keep that in mind.
Bobo also mentioned how fat Artie seems to have gotten. Howard said that Artie has gained about 45 pounds since last summer. He's going to look a lot different in ''Beer League'' since he shot that when he was much thinner.
Artie said that he stayed out drinking with Jimmy on Friday night and then went back to his hotel to hang out by the pool out there. He said that it's like the Playboy mansion out there at that hotel. He and Jimmy had dinner out there and watched the hot chicks there. He said that some of the hot chicks would see him after their boyfriends pointed him out.
Artie said that Jimmy's crew got him a bunch of cases of Devil Dogs for him to eat. They also had Jack Daniels in his dressing room. He told Howard that Jimmy is living like Dean Martin out there and he seems to be doing really well.
Bobo asked Artie if he's been talking to Dana lately. Artie said that he had breakfast with her yesterday. Howard asked him what happened with Jessica Hahn out there. He said that she didn't show up and he wasn't calling her so he didn't see her. He said that Mary Jo Buttafuoco showed up to Jimmy's show though. He said that she can drink too. Artie said he met Mary Jo and Joey's son and Mary Jo's new husband that night as well. Howard said he knows a lot of people who don't work out there in L.A. and they just hang out and go to parties and stuff.
Howard said that there were people on SFN talking about how Artie may not have even showed up for work this morning after a though weekend like that. Artie said he did have a good time after doing Jimmy's show. He had all of that pressure off of him after that so he went out and did shots with Jimmy and a few people from his show.
Artie said he had dinner with Sam Simon on Saturday night and Sam is really excited about the sitcom he's working on for Howard 101.
Fred said that the airlines are overbookign their flights all the time and that slows things down all over the place. Howard said that they were blaming the delay on traffic in New York but Fred said that the overbooking is what causes all of those problems.
Artie said that he has a lot of luck flying around because he hardly ever gets delayed. He had to fly out on Thursday afternoon and if his plane was delayed, he would have missed doing the show that he was doing.
Howard said he went out to Nobu with his buddy Ross, Tim Sabean and Ralph and ran into Billy Joel there. He said he knows Billy so he went over and said hello to him. Renee Zelleweger was there too but he didn't go over to him. She was sitting with two dudes so he didn't bother her. He said that she looks much thinner than she has and she may be too thin.
Howard heard that Jennifer Lopez was there but he never saw her. Lisa Gastineau was there and said hello to him. There were some other famous people there but he didn't see anyone else. He asked to be sat next to the famous people but that didn't happen.
Artie said he watched the movie ''Match Point'' over the weekend and thought it was great. It had Scarlett Johansen in it and he didn't know how hot she was.
Howard said that Pam Anderson called him over the weekend and invited him out to come place called Chiprianni. He went out with Ross, Tim and Ralph to that place and they saw more hot chicks in one place than he's ever seen before. He said one hot chick walked in and said hello to him so he gave her a ''Hey now!'' Pam was there so he walked over to her. She was wearing some kind of shorts that looked like a diaper on her. She was sitting in a corner eating with some guys and summoned him over to her table.
Howard said that he doesn't even know what she was talking about because he was so distracted by her beauty. Pam and her crew wanted to go to Bungalow 8 but he suggested that they go to Scores instead. He was really tired that night and wanted to go out and do what he wanted to do pretty early.
Howard and the guys went to Scores and Pam did show up. He and the guys were in the back room getting dances. He ended up going home early because he was so tired. That was on Thursday night and he was home by 1am or so. Gary said that Ralph didn't go to sleep that night, he came in on Friday and did the Friday Show after not getting any sleep at all. Ralph was trying to work one of Pam's friends but nothing happened with her or with Pam.
Howard said that if they give him the number, he can't call her every few minutes. He also told him not to tell her that they gave him the number. Howard asked Eric what he would say to her if he got her number. Eric said he would call and say that he was a big fan of hers... Artie threw in a ''Click!'' right after he said that.
Howard told Eric not to bring up Howard's name if he calls her. He told him to tell her that he can get a lot of votes for her. He then went into his Eric impression and told Eric to tell her that he can get about 4 million people to vote for her. They told him that he could also tell her that he's met Carrie Underwood since he got back stage, thanks to Howard's show, last year.
Gary said that Eric got all nice now that they've told him this. Howard replayed the voice mail message a few times but it was just Katherine saying ''Hi Gary, it's Katherine McPhee...'' Howard said there is more of that message for him but he wasn't going to play it for him.
Eric said he didn't have a ruler to measure himself with but he did have a straw. That wasn't going to get them a measurement. Howard told Eric to get a hold of a ruler and call him back. Howard wanted an exact measurement so he told Eric to find a ruler and call him back. Gary said he thought that Eric had said he was 8 or 9 inches long but Eric was talking about the length of the straw. Howard let Eric go and told him to go get that ruler so they can give him Katherine McPhee's number.
Howard said that Ferrall had Eric on the phone the other night while Shuli was on with him and they were busting his balls. He played some tape and Ferrall had a character called ''Derek The Midget'' so Derek and Ferrall were goofing on Eric with that character. ''Derek'' told Eric that he was supposed to be the only midget on the show and that he wanted to challenge Eric to some various stunts.
Howard said that Dan the Song Parody Man has been going nuts with Riley Martin song parodies lately. His latest one is to the tune of ''Backstreet's Back'' and it had clips of Riley going along to the music. Howard said he couldn't wait to come in and play the stuff this morning. There was a second song to the tune of an Alvin and the Chipmunks song that had everyone laughing. Howard said he had a lot of other things to play but he had to take a commercial break first.
Gary asked if anyone there has seen the Da Vinci Code yet. Howard said that he was busy looking at the box art on the Da Vinci Load movie.
Howard said that they're waiting for this guy John to show up to bang Siobahn but he's not there yet. He also said that they have this woman Jennifer Steele coming in to let them do a bong hit out of her ass. He said it's pretty amazing from what he's heard.
Lisa G came in with her Howard 100 News preview. She said that it's getting busy in those green rooms out there but Siobahn's date isn't there yet. Lisa told Howard that they'll be taking a look at the indecency bill that was passed by the Senate last week. Howard is hoping that it gets signed into law soon so more people will be coming over to satellite. Lisa said they were very sneaking about the vote because it was passed around midnight when no one was paying attention to it.
Lisa also said that they'll be taking a closer look at transsexual private parts and what's going on down there. Robin said that she's heard part of the report that she was talking about and she doesn't believe that the doctor they spoke to is very forthcoming in his thoughts on the fake vagina. He was saying that a fake vagina shouldn't smell much different than a real one.
Lisa said that Miserable Men has gotten a regular time slot on Howard 101 at 7pm on every other Monday night. Howard thanked her for the update and let her go after that.
Howard said that NBC was the worst of the worst for him. He had to make a lot of adjustments back then and he really didn't have an explanation for the weird voice. He said it was probably the lowest point in his career for him and things were though to deal with back then. He also had to speak quickly to get in his discussions since he was forced to play music back then.
Howard said that Bubba the Love Sponge got into a fight with Heidi Cortez on the air. He said that Heidi can't really ad-lib and he ended up getting very upset with her. He said that by the end of the interview Bubba was goofing on her breasts after talking about how hot she was when they first started out.
Howard played the clip where Bubba asked Heidi to work with him and get herself off while he was talking to her. Heidi told him that wasn't going to happen. Bubba got irritated with her right away and that got him out of the mood to do anything with her. He went off on her a short time into the interview and Bubba threatened to tell Howard on her. He hung up on her a short time later.
Howard explained how after the Beatles made it big there were a lot of other bands that came out around that time. Artie said he thought that there were some cool bands that came out around that time. Howard and the guys talked about some of the other wacky bands that were out around that time. Fred was playing some of the songs that Howard would bring up since he was able to look them up pretty quickly.
Howard had Fred playing The Yardbirds' ''For Your Love'' so he was singing along with that. He then went into a whole history of Rock and Roll. He said that first it was The Beatles so he had Fred play some of their music. Then the Dave Clark Five and some other lame bands came out. Then the cool bands like The Animals and The Rolling Stones started to come out. Fred threw in some of The Animals stuff but Howard saw that Eric the Midget was on the phone with a ruler.
Howard got back to the Heidi Cortez thing and played a prank call that she made to a pizza shop trying to get them to write a message on the box for her boyfriend.
Howard asked Eric if he was sitting there with his pants off. Eric claimed that he was. Howard told him to turn off his radio so Eric said he had to move over to it since he doesn't have a remote. Howard found out that he was sitting there with just a shirt on. Eric said he had a ruler that was 14 inches long which surprised Robin. She wondered where he got a ruler that wasn't 12 inches long.
Howard asked Eric if he was fully aroused. He claimed he was and he got that way by just thinking about a couple of girls. He said that there's this one female on the internet that he thinks about when he wants to get it up. Derek the Midget (Shuli) called in a short time later and asked Eric why he doesn't think about Ryan Seacrest. Howard told Derek he was kind of doing a buzz kill thing.
Howard asked Eric what his measurement was. Eric took the measurement and said that he was at 5 inches or somewhere a little over. He had him swear on his mother's life that he was really measuring it. Eric swore on his mother's life that he was. The guys thought he was pretty big for a little person. Howard was shocked that it was that big. 'Derek' was still on the phone and threw in a few comments during that conversation.
Howard told Eric that he was going to hook him up with Katherine's number. He also played the bit that Sal and Richard put together about what might happen if Eric and Tabitha Stevens met. Eric said he can't stand that bit. Robin said that it's a great impression, he'd have to admit that. Eric refused to even say that it was a good impression.
Howard said he was going to give Eric the number but he wasn't going to play the rest of that voice mail that Katherine left for Gary. He wondered if Eric really did measure himself. The guys weren't sure but the five inches sounded believable.
Howard played a bunch of the Riley Martin song parodies that Dan the Song Parody Man has put together for them lately. He also played the prank call that ''Evil Dave'' Letterman made to Riley. In another Riley bit they took his audio clips and made a prank call to a talk show. Howard played the ''My Name Is... Riley Martin'' song parody and yet another prank call made using Riley's audio clips. There was also the Riley Martin song parody that was to the tune of Billy Joel's ''We Didn't Start the Fire.'' They had a bit where they took Riley's clips and mixed them with Blue Iris' clips to create a porn scene.
Howard kept going for a good 10 minutes with the various Riley Martin bits, prank calls and song parodies. He said he could go on all morning with that stuff. Gary came in and told Howard they had breaking news... Siobahn the transsexual was there and they had a guy there who was willing to bang her.
Howard said that they should probably bring Siobahn in first and then bring in the guy. Fred went into his Siobahn impression and goofed on her for a short time. Howard said that he had to take a break before bringing in Siobahn in.
Gary said that the guy is in the green room with his hands shaking. Howard told him to bring him in quickly before he ran away. The guy, John, said that he wasn't high this morning but his clothes all stink because he smokes in his room. Siobahn said that he's not a bad looking guy but she was disturbed by the fact that he's on methadone. Howard said that John is a nice looking guy... Siobahn said that she's worried about diseases, not about his looks. Jon said tat he's been tested for stuff since the methadone clinic makes people get tested.
John said that he was tested for Hepatitis and all of that stuff so he's clean. Siobahn asked him where he works. John said he works for his family's exterminator business. Howard told Siobahn that he's a guy with a penis who is wiling to take her transsexual virginity. The pickings are slim for something like that.
Siobahn said that she's looking for someone who can accept her past history. She claims that there are men out there who don't believe that she was once a man. Howard found that hard to believe. Howard asked John if he could go through with this. John said it would be hard but he wouldn't have come down there if he wasn't willing to do it.
Howard asked Siobahn to show John her fake vagine. John said he had seen it before on Howard TV but Siobahn pulled down her panties and showed it to him. Howard had her show him her boobs as well. Siobahn showed him her implants and pointed out that she has a third nipple as well.
Siobahn asked John what he would do if they were walking down the street and they were accosted by some guys. Artie said that John would ask if they had any heroin. Howard told John that Siobahn's penis was cut up and turned into a vagina and clitoris down there. He also asked John about his heroin use and why he was using. John said he used to move around a lot and felt like he didn't belong.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who told John to leave now before he lost his dignity. Howard told him not to spoil their fun and hung up on him. John was still up for it. Siobahn is looking for a boyfriend but John probably wouldn't be the right man.
Siobahn said that a guy hit on her last week and wants her to call him back, but he doesn't know that she's had this surgery. Howard told her to just go for it with this guy and try it out. John didn't even want to hold Siobahn's hand but she grabbed it and said that he was very cold. Siobahn's hands were bigger than John's according to Howard. She's also taller than he is. John said that his hands are very rough as well.
Gary noticed that John wouldn't even look at Siobahn. He was looking off into space. Howard asked John if he could look at her at all because he kept turning away whenever he did look. Siobahn was telling Howard that she's really looking for a guy who can afford to get her some more plastic surgery.
Gary said that he wanted to see Siobahn give John a lap dance. Siobahn was even going to let him touch her fake boobs. John copped a feel but didn't want to kiss it. John said that he wasn't looking for foreplay. Artie asked John if he gets laid. John said that he's gotten laid about 12 times in his life and he started out at the age of 14.
John said that he got in trouble when he sold drugs to an undercover cop one time. That really fucked his life up and the case is still going on. He got out on $500,000 bail 2 years ago. Robin asked him if he's going to stay off of drugs now. He said he's going to stay clean now. John said he got nailed for selling drugs to the guy three times.
Howard took a call from a guy who told John that if he goes through with this thing, he'll end up going back on the heroin. John said he almost did go back on drugs to get through this whole thing. Howard asked the two of them if they were ready to go do their thing. They were ready to go so Howard told John that if he wants to bail out at any time, he can just run out of the room. John said he wouldn't have come down if he wasn't going to do it and he doesn't want to look like a fool.
Howard told John to give it his best shot and asked him if he had any condoms with him. John said he didn't have any but he needs about 3. Siobahn said that she has a bunch of them and she'll even have a female condom that she'll be wearing. Howard asked her why she would have that, she's not a female. John is doing all of this just so he can get in on the Artie Roast that's coming up next month.
Howard took a call from Zolar who told John that he's got to give him props for doing this. He wants to know what it looks like and smells like. He wanted him to suck her titty right then but John wasn't going to do that. Zolar also told him that he'll be known as a junkie, homo for the rest of his life.
Another caller told John that he's probably going to smell like Brie cheese after he's done doing it and he may never get another woman. Ralph called in and asked Siobahn if she was nuts because she was putting up all of these huge obstacles for the guy to get past. She's got tons of cats at her apartment and she's asking him to eat her out and things like that. John pointed out that Siobahn has snot running out of her nose too. Siobahn said that it's the weather and she can't help it.
John said that he had sex about 4 months ago. He asked if this was going to make him gay. Howard and Robin said ''no'' but Artie told him ''Yeeesss!'' Howard said he wasn't going to try and convince this guy to do this, he told him to just go give it a try and see if he could get it up for her. He's going to be the first man to stick his penis inside of her fake vag. Richard Christy stuck his finger in there last week.
Howard said that Siobahn had her head on John's shoulder and he looked like he didn't know what to do. Ralph just laughed when he heard that. John said that he bailed out last week because he really didn't think he'd be able to go through with the whole thing. Howard told the two of them to go on their way and to call them back when they get to Siobahn's place. She lives about 10 minutes away.
Jennifer said that she brought in a special bong for Howard and gave that to him. She was also telling Howard that her parents just recently found out that she's in porn and confronted her about that. They thought she was a dancer until they found the web site.
Howard asked Jennifer how the ass bong thing was going to work. She said that she could do it either doggy style or pile driver like. Howard had to find someone to do it first. Artie wasn't willing to do it so Howard said that Richard may do it. Richard said he's not much of a smoker but he might want to try it if the smoke doesn't taste like ass or anything. He also said he doesn't want to put the bong in her ass.
Howard said that Jennifer is looking for more people for another gang bang and you can find out about that at JenniferSteele.com. He also gave her a plug for her web site OwnAStripClub.com. Howard had to take a commercial break after that and before getting to the bong hit.
Jennifer told Howard a story about a guy who once whacked off into a cup and froze it until she got there. When she got there she had to pretend to be an 18 year old and had her feed him the ''ice cream.'' Howard asked her how she screens these people to make sure that they don't kill her. She said that she goes with people who have references so she knows that they're not going to kill her.
Not all of the guys who hire her are weird either. She said that some of them are pretty normal actually. Robin asked her how much she can make per year doing that. She said that she can make a couple hundred thousand a year. She said she's probably worth about $300,000 right now.
Gary came in and said that he heard her say that she can do guys outside of her marriage so he wondered how she does that. She said that they have an open marriage and she even put Artie on her list of guys she would like to bang. Artie asked her how she can equate money to guys not been creepy because a lot of creepy guys can inherit money and do stuff like that. She said that it limits the creepy factor.
Howard played a clip from Jennifer's ''Mexican Anal Gang Bang'' movie where Eddie the Produce Guy is banging her. Eddie said that he went third in the gang bang... and then went 15th. Jennifer said that Eddie whacked off on her chest in the movie.
Howard had Jennifer move on to doing the ass bong thing. She's going to lay on her back while Richard takes a hit off the bong that's inserted into her ass. She was taking it ''pile driver'' style with her on her back and her legs above her head. She inserted the bong and Richard came in to take a hit of tobacco from the bong. Howard kept saying that they can't smoke pot in there so they were using tobacco.
Howard said that they could see through the bong so it was almost like a medical thing they were doing. Richard took a hit from the bong but he didn't seem to know what he was doing at first. He eventually got it, lit it up and took a hit. Richard was worried that the water was touching her ass because he got some on his face. Artie said that if it was weed he might take a hit.
Sal came in and took a quick hit. He wasn't getting any smoke when he did it so he had to try it again... and again. Sal said it wasn't bad but he'd prefer weed in there. Robin said that Artie smokes cigarettes so he should try it. Artie said that his smokes are usually ''ass free.'' Sal took a whiff of the bong after it was removed from her ass. He said that it smelled like shit. Richard took a whiff too and confirmed the stink but then Jennifer sucked it off and said it tasted like lube. Robin said she was going to throw up from that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wanted to be there to do a hit off the bong. Howard told him that the next best thing is to get her movie through her web site JenniferSteele.com. Howard also spent a minute talking to Eddie the Produce Guy who whipped out his penis and showed it to everyone. Howard went to break after that.
Artie said that he has to hand it do Joey for doing the gay scenes in the show. Joey said that he did get some ''man odor'' on him a couple of times and that wasn't too pleasant. Howard said he saw a thread on SternFanNetwork.com about the Johnnie Cakes character possibly being in the Vipers gang and that would go back to some older shows and reference those. Joey said he wasn't sure about that, he'd have to go back and check it out.
Joey told Howard about the double hip replacement he had done and pulled down his pants to show the guys the scars. Joey said that's why he was waddling for a while. He's starting to walk straight now though. He said that the hip thing is hereditary but his weight didn't help things out much.
Howard said that The Sopranos is almost like American Idol because once you're off the show, people forget about you. Joey said he thinks that now he'll be able to get some work out there and he won't be thought of as just a gay guy. Howard said ''Yes you will.'' Gary came in and said that SIRIUS sent around a note about the celebrity guests who would be up there and Joey was listed as ''the gay Soprano.''
Howard said that whenever he sees anyone from The Sopranos in any other movie or TV show, he thinks about them being in The Sopranos. Artie said that Joey is in his movie ''Beer League'' and he gets completely lost in playing his landscaping boss. He thinks he'd be good in a sitcom or something as well. Joey said that he did meet with a bunch of people out in California a couple of weeks ago. He'd love to do a sitcom and he's available to do that now.
Howard talked about how great The Sopranos is and how good some of the episodes have been this season. Artie said he thinks that David Chase got pissed at Joey for doing Celebrity Fit Club and that's why he had his character come out gay and all of that.
Howard gave Joey a couple of plugs for his stuff and web site JoeysSoup.com. He wrapped up with him a short time later.
Howard moved on to ''David Lee Roth'' and asked him about what he's doing these days. David said that he's doing some concerts now and he's going to continue his radio career with his new show that he'll be doing out of his truck. It'll be a CB radio show. Howard said that it's interesting that he went from CBS radio to CB radio. Robin said that he'll eventually be doing just C radio.
David brought some clips from his CB radio program for Howard to play. Dave said there is no schedule and that's the magic part of it. If he sees something going on, he'll just get on the CB and start talking. Yesterday he figures his audience was about 3 people. Artie said that they're estimating that he'd double that audience by the end of the year.
Howard played the clip of David doing his CB radio show. One guy told Dave that he doesn't want him tying up his channel with his radio program, they need it for traffic. In a second clip Dave was playing a trucker game where he had to guess what type of horn the truckers were blowing. Howard asked him if he can get good guests on his show. Dave said that he stopped at a truck stop the other day and picked up some hookers and tried to help them out.
Howard broke Dave out of character and said that was actually Billy Mira. Billy also does a great Ozzy Osbourne impression so he did a little of that. Howard asked Billy why he never auditioned for Saturday Night Live. Billy wasn't sure why he never did. Those are the two big ones that Billy does but he also does a Vince Neil impression. Artie said you never hear anyone doing an impression of that guy.
Howard asked Jim if he did impressions on SNL when he was on. Jim said he used to do the Joe Pesci impression but that was about it. He said this stoner intern dude suggested that he do that on the Weekend Update with Norm MacDonald. That led to him doing the character on the show and Pesci eventually did a sketch with him.
Howard asked Jim if he does the scene from Goodfellas where Joe Pesci is talking to the guys. Artie knew the scene but he doesn't do the Pesci impression very well. He got Jim started and Jim got into the scene a little more. They had some fun with that and talked about Pesci for a short time. Howard wondered why Joe isn't working these days. Artie thinks that he's happy being retired and doesn't want to work that much anymore.
Howard asked Jim if he hates David Spade because he heard that he said something about him not possibly banging Heather Locklear. Jim said he doesn't believe in all of that Hollywood couple stuff and can't believe that Spade was banging her. He said that Heather still looks amazing these days.
Howard said that he would like Jim to do the Pesci character in a radio sitcom for his channel. Howard said that Billy could do the Bobby D character and it would be great.
Howard took a call from a guy who gave the guys some advice for the CB radio show thing. In the clip earlier 'David Lee Roth' said ''good buddy'' and that's gay talk. Another caller said that he wanted to let David Lee Roth know that the CB radio program would be great. It sounded like the guy had no clue that it was Billy doing the impression. Howard asked David if he thinks that he could get up to 100 people listening at one time. David said he thinks he could do that if he kept up the entertainment.
Howard took another call from a guy who wanted to talk to ''David Lee Roth'' who was apparently another one who had no clue that Billy was doing the voice. The caller asked Dave how many chicks he banged down in Savanna Georgia when he did a show out there. Dave never gave an answer to that, Howard moved on before he could.
Another caller asked about the Joe Pesci sitcom that Howard was talking about. Howard said he thinks that it's time for Pesci to return and they're going to try and make that happen with or without the real Joe Pesci.
Howard read that Jim has a problem with Chris Rock so he asked Jim about that. Jim said that when he was on SNL he did a couple of weeks at MTV and got noticed a lot more after doing that than he ever did while he was on SNL. Around that time Chris Rock had called him to do a sketch and he had to turn it down. Then he did a show with Chris where he told him that he was supposed to do MTV and then do Saturday Night Live, not the other way around. He was giving him a dig in front of the whole audience and he didn't think it was cool. Jim was doing his Chris Rock impression while he told the story and it was a pretty good impression of him.
Howard asked Jim if he's still enjoying doing the SIRIUS show. Jim said he loves it. He even gets to do the show from his parents house sometimes. He said that he can't even listen to regular radio anymore. That got Howard talking about the indecency bill that was just passed and how that's really going to ruin terrestrial radio. They never fought back against the FCC and it's going to bite them in the ass.
Jim said that he has to thank Howard for coming to SIRIUS because he runs into so many people who got it just for his show. Now he has even more people listening to his show thanks to Howard. That led to the guys talking about how much stuff there is to listen to on SIRIUS and how no one is really competing against anyone else there. Robin was talking about the Spa channel she listens to and the Jazz channel she was listening to over the weekend. She said that they didn't play one bad song on there. Artie asked her how that's possible, did they not play any jazz songs at all?
Howard asked Jim about this bit he does on his show where they have comedians come in and do covers of their favorite comedians bits. Jim told Howard that he and his co-host Pete Corealle came up with that idea. He said that he did a Sam Kinison bit that was his favorite. He did the bit and did a bit of a Kinison impression while he was doing it. Howard said that Ralph comes over to his apartment sometimes and does his favorite Chris Rock bits and it's funny. Artie appeared on Jim's show and did a Norm Macdonald bit.
Howard asked Jim how he hooked up with Billy Mira. Jim said that he used to be in a band years ago and learned about Billy back then. He heard that Billy did David Lee Roth on Howard's show and thought that was great. Jim said that their new show will be on Raw Dog Comedy (Channel 104) on SIRIUS on June 4th and they'll be doing a heavy metal karaoke thing on there. They will have a live metal band there to play the music for them. You can find out about that at HeavyMetalManShow.com
Howard asked Jim if he's still married. Jim said that he's been married for 13 years now and has 3 daughters. He lives out in Chester, New Jersey. He said he gets to work out of his parents house 3 times a week or so and even prank calls his parents from their own basement. Howard said that you can find some of Jim's comedy dates at BreuerUnleashed.com. He also gave Billy a plug for his web site BillyMiraComedy.com and then went to commercial break.
Howard went to Richie Wilson from In Demand who was over at Siobahn's apartment. Richie described the scene as the basement scene from the movie ''Silence of the Lambs.'' He said that the toilet is in the middle of a room and there are no walls around it. He said that the place smells like cat urine and there's hair all over the linens and things like that.
Shuli was also over there and said that he went to go pee in the toilet and there was a cat drinking out of it. He described the scene and said that there were cat cages all over the apartment and John was sitting there trying to chub up a bit. He was all nervous and shaking as well. He also talked about all of the cat toys and crap that were in there for them. There are cats with damaged ears and all kinds of other injuries.
Howard said that maybe Shuli and Richie should hand over their phones to John and Siobahn so they can listen in as this is going on. John got on the phone a minute later and said that he was having trouble chubbing up and Siobahn wouldn't give him a magazine to look at. Siobahn said it wouldn't count if he did that.
Howard asked John how they could help him out. John said that he was trying to get himself going but it was tough. Artie told Siobahn that if he went out and got a chick for John, that might help. Howard told John to let Siobahn just tug on that thing for him. He said that if he closes his eyes that might help too.
Siobahn laid down on the bed and spread her legs but that wasn't helping John out either. Howard told him to just go ahead and let Siobahn tug on his package. Howard asked him who he finds to be an attractive celebrity. John said he's into Eva Longoria so Howard told him to pretend that Siobahn is Eva.
Siobahn had to go and wash off her vibrator. When she came back she told John to take his shoes off. Howard told her to pretend to be Eva Longoria for John. Siobahn then started explaining the cats injuries and all of that. Howard told her to shut up and let John do his thing. John said that Siobahn was on the bed with her legs spread and they had no idea what was going on there.
Siobahn said that she blew out a hemorrhoid last night so that came up while she was trying to vibrate herself. Howard told John they had to get going so he had to do something. John put Shuli on the phone and Shuli described the scene. He said that John was walking around with his hand in his pants trying to turn himself on. Siobahn told John to relax. Shuli added ''Just relax, we're all guys here...''
Shuli said that John pulled out a condom and unwrapped it. Then Siobahn said that John actually has beautiful eyes and he's a very sweet guy. John had his pants unzipped and opened up. He was messing around down there. Shuli asked how come Siobahn's doctor isn't in jail for what he did to her.
John announced that he was actually getting smaller. Shuli tried to encourage him and John's pants did come down but he wasn't aroused. No one was surprised by that. Shuli said that poor John was staring at an inside-out penis on Siobahn.
Siobahn was still upset about the comments the guys were making about her cats. She said that the cats don't stink like the guys said they did. Howard said that she's got 30 cats in the apartment so it must stink.
Howard had George Flowers and Jon Hein come in with their show previews. George Flowers was first up with his Howard 100 News preview. George mentioned the stories that Lisa G mentioned earlier and also talked about some of the guests they had on the show today that they'll have interviews with. Jon Hein then gave a quick preview of what was coming up on The Wrap Up Show after Howard's show. He mentioned many of the things that went on during the show today and what they'll be talking about today.
Howard got back to Shuli and the crew at Siobahn's apartment. Shuli said that John was on the bed next to Siobahn. Howard asked him to put him on the phone so he could talk to him. John said that there was a cat on the bed trying to lick his penis and the smell was making him sick. He said he was trying to rub it to get it going but nothing was happening.
Howard had John put Siobahn on the phone. She told Howard that when she touches him, it shrinks into his body. Howard told her that she was a man so she should know what to do with it. Siobahn said that she wasn't very connected to her penis when she still had one. Howard told her to put John back on the phone. John said that he was going to try and shove it in while it was soft but Siobahn said it wouldn't go in unless it was hard.
Howard got Siobahn back on the phone. She told Howard that she wants him to tell John to eat her out. Howard tried to convince her to let John stick it in while it was soft. Siobahn didn't understand how John wasn't getting aroused while she was using the vibrator on herself. Howard told her it's because she's a man with a ''mangina.'' Siobahn believes that she's a woman with a vagina but that's not how these guys see it.
Siobahn said that she needs a man who is really into her and wants to have sex with her. Howard told her that's impossible but she said that's not true. Gary told Howard that Jessica Hahn was on the phone and wanted to talk to this guy. John got back on the phone and said he saw something under his vagina. Siobahn was saying that it was her hemorrhoid. John described it as red popcorn and couldn't explain it. He told Howard he has no clue what this looks like.
Howard put Jessica on the phone with John. She then told John to close his eyes and take a deep breath. She told him to think about her being naked and feeling really soft. She described kissing his belly and going down toward his penis and balls. She was saying that she was stroking his penis and balls and slipping down, feeling her way around with her tongue.
None of that was helping. John said that the scene was crazy there and nothing was helping. He said that there were cats swinging from ropes in the apartment. He said the smell was so bad he couldn't even think about that stuff. Howard was ready to bail out after that but John was saying that he still wanted to stick it in while he was semi-hard.
Howard got Siobahn back on the phone. She said that she had shoved her hemorrhoid back in after lubing it up. She said that she didn't want to take the penis in unless it was hard. She said that she's never seen a guy's penis go back inside when touching one. Howard had her put John back on the phone and then yelled at him to just get in there and do his thing. He told him to stop being a fag (and laughed as he was saying it) and to just go fuck that thing. That didn't work either.
Howard gave up and told John to at least just free the cats if he's not going to screw that thing. Rev. Bob Levy called in and told John to just go fuck that dude if he wants to come to the Artie roast. He told him to just go fuck that dick-cunt. That wasn't going anywhere either so Bob told him to just go fuck that 1 eared cat.
Gary said that he heard John said that he was willing to let Siobahn blow him. Howard wasn't sure he wanted to hear that. John then offered to lick Siobahn's fake vagina one time. Someone suggested 3 times but Howard was ready to call this whole thing an ''abortion'' and gave up on it. He told John that this segment, just like Siobahn's vagina, is mangled. He said he's going to let this guy into the Artie roast because he did give it a try.
John tried one last time to convince Siobahn to let him stick it in soft. Siobahn said that she won't let him do that because it's obvious that John's penis doesn't want him to. Siobahn agreed to let him rub the soft penis in there because she had a dental dam to use. John saw the hemorrhoid there again so he was freaked out once again.
John asked Siobahn to sit on top of him. Siobahn was yelling at him and not helping things out. She sat on top of him and said that his penis didn't even reach her pussy. John told her to just grab it and shove it in but that wasn't going to happen. Siobahn said that they have to find someone who really wants to do it. Howard told John that it turns out he was normal and he doesn't have to apologize for not getting aroused. He's still going to be invited to the Artie roast.
Robin started her news but Howard took some phone calls during her reports. One guy asked Howard when he's going out to Las Vegas next. Howard didn't know but said they may do it in the fall if they do it at all. Another caller asked if Howard has any plans on replaying the first shows they did on SIRIUS. Howard said that the first show will only be replayed on January 9th of upcoming years, it will not be replayed at any other time because that's the way Tim Sabean wants it... but the other shows from that week will probably work their way into the scheduled when they take vacations.
Gary came in during the news and said that he read that John Stamos' latest girlfriend is Sheryl Crowe. He brought Howard an article about it so Howard read it and said he's not so sure he believes that. Artie said ''John fucks like I eat...'' He's got a new chick every minute. Howard said that story is probably old and he's probably on to a new chick already. Howard wrapped up the show around 11:30am.
Howard started off the morning talking about staying up late to watch the Legends Ball with Oprah Winfrey and friends. He said that Oprah started out showing off her house where she was throwing a party for black women. He said she was calling the younger women ''young 'uns'' which was really annoying. He was also saying that it was a very racist show because she was celebrating only black women and had only white people serving the black women.
Howard said that he didn't have much of a choice in programming last night. It was either Oprah or ''Deal or No Deal.'' He was talking about how Oprah showed off her wealth and parades around old black ladies like Coretta Scott King who must have done the show before she died. Halle Berry was also there and he pointed out that she's someone who does a hit and run. Mariah Carey was also there and he thinks that she's white.
Howard said that the young 'uns were reciting poems to the older women at this party. Robin said it sounds like a nightmare party to go to. Howard played a clip where the women were chanting the names of the women at the party and it was very creepy sounding. Oprah does a voice over where she talks about how powerful the event was. Howard said they were really into what they were doing too and very intense.
Diane Sawyer was there for some reason even though she's white. Howard said that white people were allowed to the party but weren't celebrated like the black women were. He said the party seemed to be a lunch for ''ego-centric nut-jobs.''
JD came in and said that in the clip they heard Halle Berry crying and it was the second time they were reading this poem. Howard played another clip where some other women like Cicely Tyson rambles on for a few seconds. Then we heard some other women rambling on and on and the other women chanting along to the names like they're in church or something.
Robin said that they should do something similar with the Wack Pack and have a Howard Stern Legends Ball. Artie did some of his impressions of Crazy Alice and what she might say at an event like that. Fred did his Siobahn the Transsexual impression and goofed on that a bit.
Gary told Howard that she took all of his food money this week. He said he gave it to her because she told him that she'll be his girlfriend. Then she leaves him and doesn't give him any sex. Howard said that he should stop giving her his money and tell her to get out of his house.
Howard said that Jennifer is like the retarded flu and keeps getting in. He asked Gary why he lied to him about Jennifer having given him sex in the past. Gary was just going by what she was telling him to say. Howard pretended to be Jennifer and tried to convince him to give him his money. Gary told her to get out of his life. Howard told Gary he has to stop giving her his money. Robin asked him how much he gave her. He said it was $20. Artie said that the joke is on Jennifer if that's all the money he had.
Gary said that Miss Howard Stern called him and was very upset about something. Howard didn't know what he was talking about so he just told him to be careful talking to women. He played the ''Shoe Shoe Retarded Flu'' prank call that Sal and Richard made to him. Gary believes that he can catch the flu through the phone. He let Gary go and got back to the Oprah clips.
Howard said that Mary J. Blidge seems to be a bit out of her mind. He played a clip of her rambling on about the women who were on the show. Howard pointed out that it was clear that the people who were serving at the party were all white. He played another couple of clips where we learned that each woman had her own waiter.
Howard said that Oprah gave away diamonds as a parting gift for the women who were at the party. He said he wishes that he could take himself that seriously as he was playing a clip where the women were chanting the names of the women at the party.
Howard played a clip where Oprah was crying as she was talking about the women that they were celebrating and thanking them for coming on. He said that it was odd that she couldn't honor any white women. He found it odd that only black women influenced Oprah. He said that she was influenced by white people's hair. Robin said she had a lot of white influences.
Howard said that Suzanne is a gold mine no matter what she's talking about. As she was talking about all of that stuff the audience was laughing at her but she didn't even acknowledge that. She had a movie to plug but didn't allow Jimmy to plug the web site.
Howard moved on to play an audio clip from a news program where some reporters were talking about how Michael Powell, former head of the FCC, is being considered as a replacement for the NFL football commissioner. Howard said that he thinks that's a perfect job for that guy because he had no business being the head of the FCC. The reporters had mentioned Howard's name while talking about that but Howard said he would be thrilled to see Powell in charge of football.
Howard and the guys talked about the Siobahn thing yesterday and how she had a hemorrhoid sticking out of her ass while John was trying to get worked up to bang her. King of all Japs said he might be able to perform. Howard said he might have to give him a shot.
Howard had John on the phone so he told him how he gave it a great shot yesterday when he tried to get worked up for Siobahn. John said that the apartment was horrible and one of the cats scratched him from it's cage. That led to the guys discussing the hemorrhoid and how awful that looked to John. He said that really freaked him out and the awful smell in the apartment was another problem he had.
John said that his penis kept shrinking more and more while he was trying to get excited for that. Artie asked about the hemorrhoid thing because he's never had one. Robin explained it to him and Howard added that Siobahn had shoved the thing back into his ass. Artie sounded disgusted when he heard that.
Howard said it's probably best that John didn't bang Siobahn because he was a drug addict and he's on methadone. John described the scene in Siobahn's apartment and said that cats were swinging from ropes in her apartment. There were other cats in cages and one of them clawed him from the cage.
The In Demand guys showed some tape from the apartment and Howard said it looked horrible. Everywhere they looked there was a cat. Gary came in and said that the In Demand guys gave him a DVD of that stuff and there's one segment where Siobahn was touching herself while trying to get John excited. She was pulling on his penis and it was so small that she was using just her thumb and forefinger. They also showed Siobahn shoving the hemorrhoid back in.
Howard asked the guys when that show will hit Howard TV On Demand. He figured it was tonight that it would make it on. Isaac from In Demand told Howard that they're going to be holding it off until late June or July because they're going to make a special out of it. They have a lot of footage to go through and edit so it will be put off for a little while. Howard wrapped up with John a short time later and moved on to some other things.
Howard had another song parody that Dan the Song Parody Man has put together with Riley audio clips. He played a bunch of other various audio clips that he had in his computer. He had a song parody about Paul McCartney's divorce. After that he played the acoustic version of ''Every Homo'' that he and Fred performed last week.
Howard asked Fred how he knew how to play that Every Homo song the way he did. It sounded like he had practiced it every night. Fred said it was just one of those lucky things. Howard went to commercial break a short time later.
Howard said that Eric would never have measured his penis if he didn't have that number to give him. He also said that a lot of people don't think that he actually has five inches in his pants. Eric said that he got himself aroused and measured it and he swears that it was really five inches. He said he measured from underneath his penis and that's the number he came up with. Howard thought it was pretty impressive to have 5 inches when he's only 3'5'' tall.
Howard told Eric that the next time he gets an American Idol's phone number, he's going to have him measure his circumference. He then went into his Eric impression and created the phone call that might have happened if Eric called Katherine McPhee. He was talking about how he could get her millions of votes with his powers.
Howard thinks that if Katherine doesn't call Eric back today, he'll probably call her number again. Eric said that he might call her if she wins. Gary came in and asked him to hold off on calling her for a while so he can call her back if she wins and possibly get her on the show. Eric agreed to hold off on that.
Eric asked Howard what the rest of her message said since they played just a couple of seconds of it on yesterday's show. Howard wasn't sure so he asked Gary what was on there. He took a call from Ralph after that and Ralph told Eric that he blew it when he didn't tell Katherine that he votes like 800 times on that show. Eric has voted for the full two hour window that they give people to get in their votes.
Howard and Ralph told Eric that he really has to work in the fact that he's in a wheel chair to get her sympathy. Ralph told him to be casual about that stuff too and not just blurt it out. That led to the guys talking about Eric's Myspace page because Eric gave that out to Katherine so she could check out the pictures to see him meeting Carrie Underwood and things like that.
Howard said that Eric must have been thrilled to get her number yesterday. Eric said he only called her once though. He didn't feel the need to call her multiple times. Howard asked him if he got nervous before calling. Eric said he did get a little nervous. Howard gave out Eric's Myspace account which was Myspace.com/EricTheActorLynch. Ralph told him to just call her back and not wait for her to call him back.
Howard told Eric that if he does speak to her, he should let her know that he does vote for her and he votes a lot. He should also say that he's been putting in a lot of work trying to get her those votes. Howard went into his impression again and goofed on Eric a little bit. Eric said that he would be nice on the phone every time if Howard and the guys would accept his three requests and stop calling him Eric the Midget and Eric the Astronaut, stop making fun of his voice and to take him out of the Wack Pack.
Howard said he's not going to accept those three requests and he's not going to stop doing those things. Ralph said that he still wants to make fun of Eric's voice when he calls Howard at home. Eric said that would be fine. Howard told Eric that he can't stop doing all of those things but then did the Oprah Winfrey Legend's thing where they said ''Eric, we speak your name...''
Howard said that a lot of people were backing Eric for not sleeping with Tabitha Stevens. That led to Howard playing the clip that Sal and Richard created where Eric meets Tabitha Stevens and has sex with her. Howard told Eric that time is running out for him and he may never get laid if he doesn't take them up on an offer like that. Ralph told him that having 5 inches on a small body like his is pretty impressive. Howard told him that Tabitha would please him like he wouldn't believe and she's got a rockin' body. Howard continued playing the bit with Eric and Tabitha's meeting. She ends up shorting out his wheelchair when she pees on him.
Howard asked Eric if he's going to call Katherine McPhee back. Eric said he's not sure. Howard practiced with him by pretending to be her answering machine. Eric didn't know what to say so Howard told him to get it together and come up with something. Howard came up with something of his own and said that Eric should tell her that he's got a bus load of school children that he's holding hostage. He tried the voice mail thing again and Eric gave a message where he said he would be voting for her.
Howard told Eric that he has to make some stuff up to get her attention. Artie said that he really does have to lie, he would know because he's had to do that before. Howard said that Kevin Lofton has been inspired by the Eric meets Tabitha bit so he's going to animate that for them.
Howard and the guys continued to try and get Eric to do the right thing and call her back. They had lots of suggestions for him. At one point Eric let out one of his ''Errh'' sounds that Howard loves to make fun of. That led to Fred playing a buzzer sound that was similar to Eric's ''Errh'' sound. Howard and Fred had some fun playing with that for a minute. Howard told Eric that they're just teasing him when they do that stuff.
Kevin Lofton called in and said that he was going to do the Eric meets Tabitha thing but Doug from In Demand was holding things up. Howard said that Doug has to get that thing together and get the animation going. Kevin said he could have it done in about 2 weeks or so. Howard let Kevin go and then let Eric off the line. Eric leaves each time by saying ''Bye for now...''
Howard took a phone call from a guy who said that American Idol doesn't allow more than one phone call from each phone number so Eric isn't getting in more than one vote. Howard thought that was pretty funny that he was calling for no reason.
Howard played a prank call that the guys made to a guy using Riley Martin audio clips. Howard played another song parody from Dan the Song Parody Man with Riley Martin clips in it. Howard went to break after that.
Howard said that Gary said that they should play Page 69 from yesterday because JD had something to say about him from the X-Men screening. Howard played the clip where Jason talked about going to see the movie with Howard and a few other people. Jason said that JD complained about Howard because he was eating an apple while they were watching the movie. Howard told the guys to take JD off the list for going to screenings. Jason said that JD was complaining about Howard after the movie even though it was a free movie screening that he went to. Howard said he finished that apple within 30 seconds of the start of the movie.
Howard played another Page 69 clip where Jason and Will talked about Sal the Stockbroker having problems masturbating because he cums before he even gets hard. Howard cut that one off early because he didn't want to hear about that.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who said that he wanted to get on his show because he's out visiting from the West Coast and he was only there for a couple more days. Howard didn't know what he wanted to do and ended up bailing out of the call.
Another phone caller said that people like Wilmer Valderama and John Stamos haven't made it on to Howard TV. Isaac from In Demand came in and told Howard that those shows will air eventually but they have to pick and choose the stuff they put on each day and they bank those other shows for future airing. They have to clear stuff to air sometimes so that's why it takes some time to get them up.
Howard took a call from another guy who said that he's the only white guy who watched the Oprah Winfrey Legend's Ball thing. The caller tried to explain what he was talking about but Howard didn't know why he was arguing with him and hung up on him.
Howard said that it looks like Andrea did something to her teeth because they're big and white. Andrea said she had them done before the last time she was on. He asked her to try and close her mouth and she wasn't able to do that. She said it was because she was smiling but Howard thought they were too big.
Andrea said that she wants to become an actress and she knows that all of the guys on the show might laugh at her. She went on to say that she would like to do voice overs and things like that. Howard told her that she should be a stripper or a porn star because the acting thing isn't going to happen. Gary came in and said that she's taking acting lessons in Tennessee instead of moving out to Los Angeles.
Andrea said that she doesn't want to do porn and she wants to try and do what she believes in. Robin told her that there's no work in Chattanooga. She knows that and said she's going to try to go out to California in a couple of weeks. She was also saying that she will not show her body on TV or radio even though she's not ashamed of her body. That's just not her. She's afraid that if she does porn, she won't be able to get a job doing other things like voice overs.
Howard and Robin pointed out that Carmen Electra and Pam Anderson started out doing Playboy so her logic is kind of wrong. Andrea said that she doesn't believe that she'll even live to the age of 30. Howard told her to knock off the bullshit about acting and just get into her panties and get on the Sybian. She said she wanted a job doing voice overs and then she'd get on the machine.
Howard told Andrea that her teeth were ruining her delivery so there's no way she's going to be able to do voice overs. Howard wanted to hear her voice but she needed some lines to read. Howard told her that in an audition she has a few seconds to do some voices. She did a little bit of a ''country voice'' but she didn't have anything to say other than ''Set 'er down'' and a couple of other lines. Howard said that if he were her agent he'd be calling and telling her to get into porn after hearing that.
Joey Boots called in and said that it's about time to get a Miss Howard Stern who will show her tits and get naked. Hook Nose Mike seemed to have a similar suggestion. Tabitha Stevens called in and asked Andrea how she was doing and that led to her talking about how her best friend died on October 5th and her fiancee died a couple of years ago.
Howard said he heard a rumor about KC and Andrea. He asked her if she banged KC. She didn't want to answer and was afraid she was going to get in trouble for it. She eventually admitted that it did happen. She went to a comedy show and ended up doing it with him. There was some other trouble that went on at the comedy show but no one understood what she was talking about.
Tabitha Stevens got back to her questions about how she was doing because she felt like something was going on. It seemed like Tabitha knew something about Andrea that she wasn't revealing. Howard asked her what it was that she wanted to tell him. Tabitha said that she wasn't sure what her problem might be. Andrea eventually came around and said that when she lost her friend Jenna, things went to hell and she's been crying every day. She's been partying a lot more and has been drinking a lot more. She said that she really misses her friend and she copes by drinking.
Andrea said that she doesn't need any help but then she told the guys how much she drinks and basically told them that she's drinking all the time. Howard asked Andrea how she got this private jet flight in this morning. She said that she has a friend who hooked her up with the plane. She said that she doesn't know anything about planes so she didn't know what kind it was. She said she knows a lot of guys with private jets and they just let her fly on them. Howard figured she had to be giving the guy sex or something but she claims that they just give her stuff for no reason.
Andrea said that she feels like they don't know her. She said she doesn't want to be in porn, she doesn't want to sleep with every guy she meets but she did sleep with KC about 8 or 9 times and she was with him at the time he got fired. Howard asked her if he delivered the big orgasm. She said that he didn't and he was very quick in bed.
Gary came in and said that KC gave her permission to talk about anything that happened. He also said he heard that KC borrowed some money from her while they were up at a casino and didn't pay her back. Andrea said he did pay her back and the check cleared.
The guys asked Andrea about what positions KC had her in and stuff like that. She wasn't revealing everything. She kept saying that she didn't remember a lot of what went on. Gary asked her if KC fucks as good as he looks. Andrea said that they're too much alike and it was a big problem and it's like a big bomb blew up. Andrea said that they were drinking at breakfast and things like that. Howard said he didn't understand a thing that was going on there.
Tabitha told Howard that they might need to send Andrea to rehab. Andrea doesn't believe that she needs anything like that. She said that she's been in denial her whole life and she's insane so the last thing she needs to be in is rehab. She said she's happy filming low budget horror movies and things like that. Howard asked her who paid for her huge titties. She said she paid for them herself.
Howard told Andrea that they may have a new Miss Howard Stern contest and asked her if she'd be willing to compete again. She said she already won and doesn't want to compete again. She wants to keep her title and she will prove it to them. Howard gave her a plug for the ''Dorm of the Dead'' movie and then played a clip from the movie. All of the guys clapped and Howard told her that she did a good job. He then told her to get on the Sybian.
Howard took a couple of phone calls from guys. One guy said that she has no talent except what's between her legs. Andrea said that's not where her interest is. Bobo said that he wanted to hear more about Andrea and KC but she wasn't talking. She quickly said that KC broke her belly chain in the shower while they were having sex and then his girlfriend found out about it and they broke up over it.
Andrea wants to go on tour to promote Howard and SIRIUS so Howard said he'd look into something like that as he brushed her off. Another caller said that Andrea is Miss Howard Stern and she should be willing to ride the Sybian. Andrea asked what would happen if she got on the thing. Howard told her that she has to stay on it for more than a second. He told her that to keep her crown, she'd have to ride it. That didn't help. Howard told the guys from In Demand to play the clip of Katie Holmes riding the Sybian. They put something up on the screen but it didn't convince Andrea to ride it.
Howard told Andrea that she doesn't have to ride the Sybian because he said it looked like she was about to cry. Andrea said that she knows that wasn't Katie Holmes on the Sybian and she's not that dumb. Howard gave her another plug for Dorm of the Dead and the web site where you can check it out... Myspace.com/DormOfTheDead. Andrea felt like she was missing something so Artie suggested a ''group hummer'' from her.
Howard told Andrea to let him know when she's ready to retire. She said that would probably be after he retires. They spent a couple more minutes talking after Howard mentioned that Fran Drescher was coming in. He told Andrea that Fran was going to ride the Sybian so Andrea wanted to talk to her about that. Howard wrapped up with Andrea and went to break a short time later.
Howard moved on and talked about Fran Drescher being there. She came walking in a short time later. He said that she looks like she's been working out and lost some weight. He told her she looks pretty today. He's seen her at the gym lately and she doesn't look her best when she's there. He said they've both seen each other at their worst at the gym.
Howard said that Fran was talking to him about how she's going to stop dating the younger guys now and go back to guys her age. Howard thought she was trying to hook up with him and Fran said that she was putting the feelers out there when she made that call. She told Howard he's so lucky that he's found someone like Beth because they look great together and they're both happy.
Howard saw Fran out in L.A. one time and she was with a young guy at the time. Fran said that relationship didn't work out and they eventually broke up. Howard asked Fran why she doesn't join ''The View'' and get someone like Barbara Walters kicked off the show so she can replace her. Fran said that she's busy doing an off-Broadway play right now so she doesn't have time to do The View.
Fran is doing the show with Eric McCormack from ''Will and Grace.'' That's the reason she got into shape and lost 10 pounds. She's appearing in bra and panties in the play. Robin said that she may have to go see the play if Eric is getting in his underwear. Fran told her he does so she may have to go.
Howard asked Fran if she's been shaving off the pubes so she doesn't have any hair sticking out of her panties. She said that she actually got laser hair removal done on her upper thighs so she doesn't have any hair down there now. Howard was surprised to hear that because she was basically saying she has a ''natural'' big bush down there. Howard asked her if there's any grey in that bush. She said there isn't any.
Fran told Howard she dated an Argentinean guy one time and he would do her even if she was on her period. He was into the woman no matter what. Howard told her he'd do her if she was in the middle of her flow too. He went on to tell her that the reason men and women have hair down there is because when humans were still animals, the hair would trap odors and attract the opposite sex to them. Fran said that the hair has to be there to protect the area. Howard asked her if that's the reason for hair then why does she shave her underarm's?
Howard asked Fran about this play she's doing and what that's all about. She spent a minute talking about the play, ''Some Girls,'' and how she has been told that she's very good in it.
Howard asked Fran about dating a guy in the NBA and asked her if it was hard to go back to regular guys after having a huge penis. She said that he wasn't that big, he was just on the larger side of normal. Now she has a fuck buddy and they're just friend so there's no relationship there.
Howard gave Fran a plug for her play and said you can find out more at MCCTheater.org. He took some phone calls after that. Bong Hit Bill asked Fran if she still smokes weed. She said she does once in a while but not that much. Bill took a hit off his bong for her. Hook Nose Mike called in next and said that he wanted to hide his identity as her fuck buddy... He also asked her if she has fuck-you money so she doesn't have to work. She said that she's not in Howard's league but she's doing okay.
Fran was talking about possibly running for a public office so Howard asked her some questions about where she stands on capital punishment. She said that she wanted to tell a story about that. She said that she was doing a play called ''Exonerated'' and after doing the play for a while she thought about it and figures that there are some people out there who were wrongly accused. That's the only reason she'd be against the death penalty.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who asked Fran if she likes anal sex. Fran said that she's not into that and has never tried it. She said she didn't want to get hemorrhoids because she's had them in the past. That's the main reason she'd never do that.
Howard gave Fran another plug and asked her about how she gave Brooke Shields her fertility shot one time. She said that Brooke thought her husband was going to do it for her but he didn't show up on time so she asked her to give the show. She figured she could do it and gave her the shot. Howard asked Fran if she would ever toss a man's salad. She didn't know the term so Howard told her its' when a woman gives oral to a man's ass. She didn't really answer but Fred was throwing in a bunch of fart sound effects.
Howard asked Fran about adopting a child since she's never had one of her own. She said she would consider it but she's really not sure at this point. She said that if the child has a lot of baggage it would be tough. She said she'd have to know about what she was getting into before doing something like that.
Howard asked Fran if she ever uses a vibrator on herself. She said she never does because she doesn't want to desensitize herself. Howard asked her if he's ever ended up in her fantasy as she's pleasuring herself with her fingers. She said that he actually has. She didn't want to get into that with all of those people listening to the show. Howard told her that no one is listening, they're on satellite. Fran started to say that she likes guys to take control but then she cut herself off and said she didn't want to talk about it with him.
Fran said that her psychic told her that she was going to end up with a man who has a lot more money than she does so money would never be an issue for her. Howard figured that if she's consulting a psychic, she must be insane. He gave her one last plug for the play she's appearing in and then wrapped up with her.
After the commercials Howard said that he was letting Artie get in some rest after the break by letting a song play a little long. He said he always looks over at Artie and he's half asleep over there.
Howard wondered why Fran Drescher wouldn't let him in on the fantasy she had about him. Artie was more interested in what kind of money she must be making from The Nanny, it has to be good money. Howard said she has to be doing really well from that.
Howard said that this guy William Bennett has a show on SIRIUS and wondered if he could have more than 2 people listening to him. He said he's also excited about the Catholic channel because it should bring in a lot of subscribers. He said that the church could force their followers to listen to the service. He tried to tune into Bennett's show but they were in commercial break at the time.
JD came in and told Howard which clips he might want to play. He played some of the same clips he played earlier in the morning where the women at the event were chanting ''We speak your name...'' for each of the women being honored. He goofed on them even more than he did earlier in the morning. He said he's never seen such a gaggle of has-beens in one place.
Howard and the guys started doing the ''We Speak Your Name'' thing while talking about each of the Wack Pack members. Howard had the real Siobahn on the phone so he talked to her about finding a guy to bang her. He told her she needs to clean up her apartment the next time they find someone to do that. Siobahn said that she did clean up her apartment. Howard and the guys were doing the ''We Speak Your Name'' with Siobahn but they got disgusted with her when she said she wanted to get a guy to stick his dick in her pussy.
Howard said he had another guy on the phone who claims he wants to bang her but he's not sure he believes it. The guy on the phone said he has a guy in the cleaning department where he works that would bang Siobahn. Siobahn said that she's looking for a boyfriend, not for some guy who just wants to bang her. Howard said that she's nuts and there's no guy out there who will want to date her.
Siobahn was talking about how bad she felt for John when he was sitting in a chair shaking. Howard said that having sex with her is like being led to he ovens at Auschwitz. He asked her if she's looked in the mirror lately. Siobahn doesn't seem to understand that she's not an attractive woman. Howard said that the video from her apartment is very interesting and it will make for a great show on Howard TV.
Garver asked Joe a few other softball questions and then asked him who he thinks is a hot piece of ass in Hollywood. Joe said it would be tough to name just one. He wasn't able to give him a name and said he'd have to get back to him.
Howard said that Joe thought about the question about who he'd like to bang and came back a little later and told Garver that he'd like to fuck Howard's old lady Beth. Pesci said that maybe before Howard and Beth get married she'll let him take a shot at her. Joe also said that he'd like to bang Jessica Simpson sometimes as Garver was wrapping up the interview.
Howard said that Gary Garver also interviewed Anne Marie Johnson who claims that she was on the Tonight Show with Howard. Howard said he didn't remember her but when he started to play her interview he kind of did remember her and said that she was beautiful. Anne Marie told Garver that she doesn't watch Jay now because she doesn't think he's funny. She also said that it was kind of a bad decision for Stuttering John to leave Howard's show to go to Jay's show.
Gary Garver ran into Mark Wahlberg but there wasn't much going on there. Howard played that clip and Mark was saying that he's grown up now and stopped banging all of the chicks he was doing. Garver shared his own struggles with Mark so Mark told him to hang in there.
Gary (Baba Booey) came in and told Howard that he heard that Joe Pesci is a major investor in the play ''Jersey Boys'' and he's making a lot of money off of that show.
The guys talked about how some people will write with a ruler under their hand so each line is perfectly straight. Howard asked Artie what he wrote to Dana. Artie said the letter started off with Dear Dana... He didn't really give the details of what else as in the letter. Howard figured whatever was in there must have worked because he did get Dana back.
Artie asked Howard if he's ever written a letter to Beth. Howard said that he has written stuff in cards and things like that but not really a four page letter like Artie. Artie said that he knew better than to put it on audio or video tape. Gary knows what that's like because they got a hold of his ''take me back'' tape that he made for an old girlfriend. Gary said he should have just denied that he ever made that tape. Artie asked Howard what he would have paid for his tape. Howard told him that would be priceless.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and asked Artie if his letter was a love letter or a cunt letter. Artie asked her not to bring up that event again. Howard hung up on her before she could say anything else.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he thinks he knows what Cabbie's new name is... ''O Qua Tan Zin Wan'' (a Riley Martin reference). That led to Howard playing one of Dan the Song Parody Man's Riley Martin songs... and then the Riley prank call to a guy who got really pissed when he was saying those wacky lines of his like ''O Qua Tan Zin Wan.'' He also replayed the prank call the guys made to a Chinese restaurant using the Riley clips... and then the ''My Name Is... Riley Martin'' song parody. He also mentioned that Riley is back with another show tonight at 7pm on Howard 101.
Howard said that they're looking for some people to sleep with Blue Iris and anyone interested in doing that can call 888-9-ASSHOLE.
Jon Hein said that they'll be talking about Miss Howard Stern during today's Wrap Up show. Gary came in and said that after her appearance, Andrea started drinking Jack Daniels like crazy. She was going to record some stuff with Richard and Sal but she ended up singing to a country song so he told Howard he had the audio to play. Howard played the song and Howard said he liked it.
Howard had a new voice mail from Wendy the Retard where she was drunk and rambling during her message. In that clip Wendy talks about how she's not stupid and how she can read Howard's mind. She was laughing and not saying much of anything. Howard thought about hooking Wendy and Andrea up to sing together as ''The Ditzy Chicks.'' He had another song that Andrea sang to in the back office so he played that.
Ronnie the Limo Driver said that Andrea was still there so he could bring her back in if they wanted. Howard told him to get her. She got interesting after having a few drinks. Gary thinks that she has a similar cadence as Wendy the Retard does.
Jon Hein said that they'll be talking about Fran Drescher's interview during the show, if they have time since Andrea was coming back in. Howard told John that he has to get out of there early today so they should have a show.
Howard wrapped up with Jon and George and gave them the ''We Speak Your Names'' thing from Oprah's wacky show.
Howard played some of Andrea's karaoke performance from earlier and she started to sing over her own performance. Howard told her she was good and Andrea said ''I know...'' She then told Howard that she tends to lie but always ends up telling the truth. She was saying that she charges $10 for a lap dance but she really charges $40.
Howard asked Andrea to talk more about banging KC so she said that she would get him on the phone right now if they wanted. She was also saying that she wanted to do Richard Christy's hair for him but called him ''Chrissy Richard.'' She then started rambling about her daughter and how she gets custody of her Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday but she's with her father Thursday, Friday and Saturday. She said she doesn't take anything on the days she has her daughter... but she was drunk on Jack Daniels today.
Howard took a call from KC (Richard) who was saying that he banged the crap out of this chick. Andrea knew that it wasn't KC though. Howard and Gary asked her to get on the Sybian and she finally agreed to do it but demanded that Howard give her a job if she doesn't get one with the Cartoon network. She wanted 5 more years as Miss Howard Stern if she rode it. Howard told her that they'd take care of it if she rode it. He said he doesn't care either way.
Howard told Andrea to try and get off on the Sybian but she said that she doesn't have a sex drive these days. They got her on the Sybian but she demanded her Jack Daniels. She downed a big swig of the JD and said that's why she deserves to be Miss Howard Stern. Andrea was yelling about not having the sex drive because of the Lexapro she was taking.
Gary started up the Sybian but Andrea wouldn't stop talking and told Howard to get over there and ride it with her. She hopped off the machine after just a few seconds. She said that she needs a man who really loves her. Gary told her that what she needs to do is shut up. Andrea hopped off the machine again but Howard demanded that she sit back down. They got her to sit for a few seconds but she wanted to make out with Will. She got off the machine again and asked to make out with Howard in the bathroom.
Howard threatened to take away her 5 years of being Miss Howard Stern so she ran over to him and sat on his lap. He told her to go back to the couch and said that she looks great but he looks at her as if she were his sister. Andrea sounded like she was even more drunk than she was when she came in 15 minutes before. She told Howard she loves him but she doesn't want to fuck him.
Andrea was just about falling over in the studio so there was a lot of commotion going on in there. Howard asked Andrea if she's doing coke these days but she never gave him an answer. She asked Howard to do a favor for her and sign a picture for her. He said he would do that but he wanted her to go lay down and take a nap. She said she would do that if he promised her something. She didn't want to leave the studio so Howard just kept asking her questions.
Andrea showed Howard a picture of her best friend who died and said that her death is still under investigation. Howard told her to go rest and tried to get her out of the studio but she was blurting out comments and slurring her words as she did it. Gary eventually led her out of the studio. She was still rambling as she left. Howard said he loves her and he has to renew her contract for 5 more years. He said that he really doesn't want her walking the streets in that condition. Gary said she didn't want to sit still so he wasn't sure he'd be able to get her to rest.
Howard finally had Robin start her news around 10:55. He took some phone calls a little later. One guy said that they should keep an eye on Andrea because of her drinking, another guy said that they should keep her drunk.
Howard read though some e-mail during the news. He said that someone wrote in and suggested that they're enabling Artie to get over weight and drink. Howard said he's not enabling anything. The writer thinks that Artie is self destructing and it's going to upset the fans when they see him dead soon. The writer had seen Artie on Jimmy Kimmel's show with a huge mug of Jack Daniels.
Howard had Robin finish up her news and ended the show around 11:20am. Don't forget, Artie is on The Best Damn Sports Show tonight. He suggested that people check their local listings for air time.
Howard started off the show talking about how Rob Zombie and porn star Paris Gables would be on the show today. Paris is willing to do just about anything so they're going to have Jeff Levy the vomit guy come in to get puked on by her.
Howard told Artie that he was listening to some clips of Artie on The Best Damn Sports Show and it got pretty crazy. He played some clips from the show and the hosts asked Artie about what he thinks about OJ Simpson getting his own prank show.
Howard said he had to interrupt that stuff to get to something that happened with Sal yesterday. He was on the Wrap Up Show yesterday saying that the reason that Miss Howard Stern has a half-black child is because she drinks so much. Everyone called him on it during the show and told him that he was racist. He played some audio clips of Sal talking about that stuff with Gary and Jon Hein. Gary told him that he was totally racist by saying that stuff but Sal didn't think he was being racist at all. Gary moved the show along to try and save Sal from digging a deeper hole for himself.
Howard said that Sal was taken out of the studio by Ronnie this morning so he wouldn't hear all of this stuff. He said that in the same show a guy called in to call Sal out on the comments. The guy said that he was basically saying that only an ugly white woman would be with a black man. Sal said that he thinks that the only way Andrea would be with a black man is if she was drunk or on drugs. Sal was digging the hole even deeper with his comments and Jon Hein let him know that.
Sal continued to go on and on so Artie told Howard that they should have let him keep going because he sounded so nuts. Howard said that Gary came and told him about all of that yesterday and said that Sal was going nuts thinking he was going to get fired. They wanted to prank Sal so they were going to have Scott Greenstein call him or something like that.
Gary and Howard had a phony Human Resources person call Sal and tell him that he has to tape an apology. Sal put her on hold and put Gary on the phone. Sal thought it was fake but Gary told him that it was real and put him back on the phone. She told Sal that they needed an apology to be recorded and that he was going to have to go through some sensitivity training.
Gary told Howard that Will told him that the reason Sal handed him the phone was because he got so scared that he didn't know what to say. He also said that Sal came to him later on with the CD with his apology on it so Howard played the apology. Sal made the apology and said that he respects all races and said that he was sorry for what he said on the Wrap Up Show the day before. Artie said the only problem with the apology is that it was too short.
Howard told Gary that they should have him explain all of his comments from the show. He wanted a longer apology. Gary said that Sal was really paranoid about the whole thing and he thinks that he's going to get fired for the whole thing.
Howard had another audio clip of Richard and Sal talking about the whole thing in their office. Sal apparently didn't know that Richard was recording him. Sal said he couldn't believe that all of this was going on and that he was probably going to get fired. He was explaining himself to Richard and Richard said he had his back on the whole thing.
Howard thinks that they should let Sal go through the whole apology thing and play it on the Wrap Up Show before breaking it to him that he's been scammed. He played more of Sal and Richard's conversation and then said that he was going to change gears because Sal was on his way back to his office.
Howard said it was a weird clip to him because the guys were so uncomfortable with the subject. Artie said if you see the video, the guys were laughing, it just doesn't come across like that in the audio. Howard said he thinks it's funny how those guys are afraid to say what they think about OJ. Howard said he only saw a few seconds of that show but it sounded funny.
Howard talked about his parents and how his father really didn't have a lot of interest in his life. He still doesn't ask about how the kids are doing or anything like that. He gets filtered information through his mother instead.
Artie said that he really likes this show ''Rescue Me'' with Dennis Leary because they have a Charles Durning playing his father and when they speak on the phone, they have subtitles where they show what they mean when they're talking to each other. He said the father will say something about the Mets and the subtitle will say something like ''I love you son, it's good to hear from you...'' That's almost what Howard was saying his father seems to be doing when he calls and talks about anything but his family or loving him.
Howard suggested that they have Sal apologize to Robin since she's black. She suggested that they have one of the security guards call him out on it as well. Howard tuned back into the Sal and Gary thing and Sal was in the middle of recording his new apology. Sal was stumped and didn't know what to say. Richard was in the room with him and tried to help him out a little bit.
Sal was apologizing for the comments he made and said that he was just making a joke. Howard, Artie and Robin were all laughing as they listened in. Sal said ''sincerely'' a bunch of times while he was recording the apology. He was unaware that Howard was listening to the live recording session. Howard wanted to go to break and wanted to cut off the feed but he tuned back in. He asked Scott how he could cut that feed off because it was coming out through Fred's board.
Howard said that the recording session had better be getting recorded. He then asked Scott to put it back on but it wasn't happening so he was going to give up. Artie said that this is why the show is so funny and it really should win some kind of award because it is so fuckin' funny.
Howard went to the live feed again and Richard was telling Sal not to let this stress him out so much. Sal said he knew that this was going to end up being blown out of proportion even more. Howard told Scott to kill it again because Sal may have been listening in. Howard asked Scott to cut it off a bunch of times and eventually went to commercial break.
Sal explained that he made some comments about Miss Howard Stern and her daughter and now he's been asked to record an apology for the comments he made. Howard told Sal that he didn't want to waste time with this crap, he just wants him to apologize to Robin and get him out of here.
Sal said that he's gotten about 4 phone calls from Human Resources and it's driving him crazy. He said that he didn't know that he was making racist comments. Howard pretended that he had no idea what was going on and asked Sal what he was saying on the air. Sal explained to Howard and Robin that he made comments about Miss Howard Stern yesterday when he saw her walking down the hall during the Wrap Up Show. Sal insisted that it was just a joke but Gary said that it didn't sound like a joke when he was saying it.
Howard told Sal that it was all a goof and they had the audio of the call that 'Human Resources' made to him. Sal asked how all of that happened and how the scam unfolded. Howard told Sal they had everything recorded so he went through the whole joke. Artie told Sal that he did say something racist and just because this was a scam doesn't mean that it wasn't racist.
Howard played the audio from yesterday's Wrap Up Show where Sal made the comments about drugs and alcohol led to Miss Howard Stern having a half-black baby. Gary and Jon called him out on it immediately but Sal didn't think his comments were racist. Howard told Sal that he's a ''fuckin' retard.'' He then played the audio from the Wrap Up Show where Sal was defending his comments to a phone caller.
Howard asked Sal if he really thinks his comments were reasonable. Sal said that the subject wasn't the black thing, it was all about the drugs and alcohol. Howard went on to play the clip of Sal getting the call from Human Resources and handing the phone over to Gary because he was so freaked out. He was asked to record an apology for his comments during that call.
Howard said that Sal went in and recorded the apology which is what they played earlier in the morning. Howard told Sal that the apology wasn't good enough so they had him record another one. Howard played his first one where Sal said that he has respect for all races. Artie got a laugh out of that one.
Howard played the audio where Richard recorded a conversation he had with Sal about the apology. Sal didn't know he was being recorded at that time so he got pissed at Richard. They were talking about trying to get Howard to extend the show until noon so they wouldn't have to play the apology on The Wrap Up Show. Sal was also talking about his black friends and how he really doesn't think his comments were racist.
Howard said that they told Sal that he had to re-cut that apology. He started to play the second apology but he wanted the raw feed from the studio as Sal was recording it. Gary said he would get that for him in a minute. Richard was working on it so Howard spent a minute talking to Sal about the whole thing. Robin heard that Sal started to cry but Sal said he did get teary eyed but didn't actually cry.
Howard got the audio feed from when Gary told Sal that he had to re-record the apology. Sal was going nuts when he heard that the first one wasn't good enough. Gary was telling Sal that he should have just fessed up and admitted that he was being racist. Sal talked to Richard about how much bullshit the apology was. Then he went into the recording of the apology.
Howard played the second apology and as soon as Sal said ''Hi, this is Sal Governale...'' Artie started to laugh. Sal explained his joke about white women not having sex with black women unless they're drunk was just a joke. Robin said that had to be one of the worst apologies she's ever heard. Howard told Sal that he was a douche bag and he should have let the joke keep going for a week.
Howard took a call from a guy who told Sal that he's a dick head for not realizing that he was being scammed again. Another guy said that in the past Howard would have dragged this on for five days. He's in a different place now and couldn't keep dragging it out.
Ralph called in and goofed on Sal's ''Hi, this is Sal Governale'' comment. Howard said it was like a general manager getting on the air to apologize for something that happened on the air. One of the callers had suggested that Sal go down to Shade 45 and apologize to them for his comments. Howard said that would have been funny. Jessica Hahn called in and said that Mutt from SternFanNetwork.com shut down the site so Sal couldn't read about what was going on.
Jessica also asked Howard if Mutt could get in on the Artie Roast. Howard said that they only have 30 chairs and it's kind of ridiculous how many people want to get in on that. Even Artie asked for six tickets. Gary told Howard that a bunch of people have been requesting seats and they just don't have enough seats for the roast.
Howard got back to Sal's apology clip and replayed it. Everyone was laughing at Sal's explanation for his comments. Howard said they really should have sent Sal down to Shade 45 to apologize. Bob Levy called in and said that this was the greatest day of his life. He said that Sal called him yesterday and he was crying to him about what was going on. He said it would have been great if they had sent him down to Shade 45 to apologize.
Sal thanked everyone for goofing on him. Howard told him to go down to Shade 45 and just apologize anyway. He wanted to hear the aborted apology that he started to record during the second recording session. Gary said they were trying to find it but it was going to take a minute. Howard replayed the first apology and continued to goof on him about the whole thing.
Robin and Howard were asking Sal about his thoughts on Andrea and if he really believes that she would never have slept with a black guy if she hadn't used booze and drugs. Sal said he really doesn't know. Sal started to dig himself even deeper and said he would never have sex with a Chinese person because he's not into them... but he likes them in general. He said he likes Chinese food and Chinese people. Howard went right into his apology tape again.
Howard asked Sal if he really thinks that the only reason for a white woman to sleep with a black man is because she's on drugs and alcohol. Sal said he was just making a joke based on statistics. No one knew what statistics he was talking about though.
Howard got a hold of the aborted apology that Sal had made during that recording session. Sal had started to explain himself but bailed out on it halfway through. Howard then went into a song about crying and played some of Sal's apology over the song. They were goofing on Sal's ''Hi, this is Sal...'' comment and saying that it was the voice he puts on when he's bullshitting people.
Sal apologized to everyone as Howard was wrapping up the segment. Fred played Sal's ''Shake'' rap song as he was leaving.
Lisa also said that Miss Howard Stern was on the show yesterday and the guy who flew her in got so annoyed with her that he left her out on the street. Dan the Song Parody Man and Zolar came to her rescue and picked her up. Howard and the guys thought that was pretty funny.
Lisa also said that they're going to have a report about ''the different sides of Will.'' She also got in a plug for the Intern Show that airs tonight at 7pm. They've discovered that a couple of the interns have already hooked up and they'll have more on that later.
Howard said that they should have put Sal in a limo and sent him down to Harlem to apologize to some blacks and Puerto Ricans. He said that the whole thing was so great. He took a call from a guy who said that he has a black wife and Sal offended him. Howard asked him if he was drinking when he met his wife. The guy said 'no' to that and said that he's also attracted to Robin.
Another caller had some Eric the Midget jokes for Howard but Howard hung up on him after about 10 seconds of no laughs. That got Howard on the subject of American Idol. He said that he would have no desire to go see Taylor Hicks in concert and he'd base his vote on that alone even though Simon Cowell bashed Katherine McPhee.