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Howard started off the show talking about staying up to watch the Survivor finale last night. He was tired because of that. He said he had to tape The Sopranos and hasn't seen it yet. Robin said it wasn't that good in her opinion. Howard said Ronnie told him that it was a great episode. Robin said that the only good part was Joey G on The Sopranos. She told Howard that Joey really kissed a guy on the show and he's apparently known the guy since they were kids.
Robin and Howard spent some time talking about the show. Artie said a few words and he was having problems with his voice so Howard figures that's because he had just shoved a Devil Dog down his throat and that's why it sounded odd. His voice cleared up a short time later so that must have been what it was.
The guys were trying to figure out how old Jimmy is. Gary figured he was over 40 but Artie said he thinks he's about his age or maybe a year younger. Gary said he has to be over 40. Gary said he got a note from Jimmy's people and they told him that he's the only late night talk show hots whose ratings have gone up this season.
Howard heard that Artie was eating a chicken sandwich in Scott the Engineer's studio before he came in this morning. Artie said he did and then he came in and had the Devil Dog for desert.
Howard noticed that he had a view of Benjy that he didn't want. He said he was all sweaty and pimples were popping out of his head. Benjy thought it was kind of hot this morning. He said he thinks that the wetness might be from his shower. Howard asked him if he dried off after getting out of the shower. Benjy said he was just in the shower like 15 minutes ago.
Howard spent a short time goofing on Benjy about the sweat. Artie said that Benjy sometimes wipes himself down with a piece of paper instead of a towel. Fred was handing Benjy a shirt that he left under the table. He also told Howard about some of the stuff that he had under his table. There was a picture of Jesus, some wine vinegar, contact lens cleaner, oxygen mask and a bunch of other weird shit.
Gary came in and said that he heard that Benjy joined the gym that's in the building. He also heard that he hasn't been there yet. Benjy said he has been there. Gary also goes there and Benjy said that was one of the selling points. Howard asked Artie if he's joined the gym. Artie laughed and said that he's got a gym in his building that he could use if he wanted to do stuff like that.
Howard said they tried to get the guy on the show but Gary had trouble tracking him down. Gary said he got in touch with the guy and told him they wanted to have him on the show. He got a call back on Thursday night and said that he was calling him back because he's a man. Gary said he didn't get that but Star said that he wasn't going to come on the air with them. Gary said the conversation was kind of odd. He said he repeated the line about being a man three times and he still didn't get it.
Howard said that he must be at war with them or something because in the paper today there are some comments from Star where he calls him ''Howard the Coward.'' He also claims that he's close to being the next Lenny Bruce. Howard thought that was pretty amusing and said that Lenny Bruce was a little more creative than this guy is. Lenny wasn't threatening to rape a 4 year old child.
Howard said he likes hearing stuff like that about other DJs who think that they're his caliber. Gary said that the whole reason Star called him back is because he doesn't want them to be able to call him a pussy for not calling them back. Artie said that if the guy was a man, he'd come on the air with them. Howard said that every one of these guys is driven nuts that he doesn't know who they are. He said that it used to drive Bubba the Love Sponge crazy when he would say he didn't know who he was. He said he really didn't know who he was though.
Howard said that Star's radio station must be yanking down his billboards now. He said that they must have done something with his picture to make him look thinner because the guy is actually a fat guy. He figures that they must do the same thing to him as they do with Oprah's pictures to make her look thinner.
Howard took a call form a guy who said that Star's billboards were taken down immediately after he was fired from his station. Howard said that K-Rock's billboards for David Lee Roth are still up and he's been gone for weeks now. Howard would love to get a billboard up of a black guy chasing a kid. He was also talking about putting up more and more billboards with Star's name on them. Even though the Star and Buc Wild show is gone, they could still advertise it.
Howard figures that Star will have to take a couple of years off like Opie and Anthony did after they were canned. He was also saying that it's a weird fantasy to be thinking about peeing and cumming on some kid's face like that guy did. He said it was an interesting story though and he liked seeing that the guy was fat when he saw him in the paper.
Artie said that he is an odd shaped fat guy. He described him as looking like and odd shaped apple. Howard noticed that Benjy was out of his sight. Benjy said that he lowered his chair and that got him out of his line of site.
Howard said that they were torturing the guy and they just kept going. Howard figures that Richard and Tracy were the only two watching that show.
Howard said that he went to his agent's roast on Saturday and it screwed up his whole weekend for him. He was asked to say a few words about his agent but he's not good at roasting people so he was going to just make a speech about him. He started to write stuff down about him on Thursday and tried to come up with some funny jokes about him. Fred and Richard helped him out and sent him some jokes for him.
Howard said that he wrote some stuff about his agent's beard being kind of gay and stuff like that. He called Beth with the jokes and she wasn't laughing. She figured he wouldn't have a sense of humor about the jokes and there was no reaction from her. Artie said that chicks don't dig mean jokes like he was telling her.
Artie wrote some stuff for Robin and she was afraid they weren't going to work but they did. Howard said that he was obsessing on the roast the whole weekend. He said that he eventually decided to not care and just wing it at the last second. Robin and Fred thought that Howard was brilliant but he didn't think he was.
Howard said that he was joking about how he wasn't able to get to his new house because he had to be at this party. He joked about Don's beard and about the hat that he wears all the time. He was also going to read his client list and joke about that. He said he could have joked about him managing Hulk Hogan, now that he's out of wrestling.
Howard said that he was relating his career to the stuff that Don was doing while he was busy working. He ended up talking about what a great guy Don really is. Jay Thomas was the host of the show and he did a great job according to Howard and Robin. Howard said that he's much more comfortable talking on the radio than he is in front of a crowd. He and Robin said that Artie is great at stuff like that so they said some nice words about him.
Howard said that Jay was ripping on him saying that he thinks that Don is a great guy but if he stops making the money he's making, he'll never get in touch with him again. Howard said that Jay was really funny busting on him about various stuff.
Howard thought that Mel Karmazin was even funnier than he was. He said he hates that Mel is funny like that. Robin told Howard that Mel was funny but he was on par with him that night.
Ronnie came in and said he was getting reports from Mike who wasn't sure if Howard was going to go or not. Howard said he decided to go at around 8:15 and planned on having a drink or two. He went down there and had about 7 hot girls sit at the table with them. Lonnie had the girls coming over and hanging out with them.
He said that Ronnie was telling him that wine puts him to sleep so Howard ended up changing his drink to vodka and club soda. He said he had about 5 shots of that and it put him under the table. He said he had a horrible headache the next day because of the drinks. He had the best time there though. He said he was there until about 11 o'clock. Those five drinks went down in about an hour.
Howard said that his plan was to get drunk on Saturday night but he ended up doing that on Friday. He said he went to Nobu on Saturday night and just wanted to go home. He was going to go to Bungalow 8 but figured it was best not to go since he's not single.
Artie said he took his mother to Nobu for the first time and she loved the place. He also took his mother out to see ''Jersey Boys'' and said he had a great time there. Howard said he saw Dennis Rodman at Nobu on Saturday night as well.
Gary was at Nobu and there was a table of really hot chicks sitting nearby. Howard said that the chicks were so hot and Gary was getting annoyed because he was so distracted by the girls. Howard said he was enjoying what he was seeing and wanted Gary to shut up for a minute. He said he told Gary to just turn around and look at them but Gary wouldn't stop talking. Gary said that he didn't think that all of the guys at the table were looking at the girls but Howard figured they were. Howard said that if Gary were a man, he would have checked the chicks out and shut up.
Howard said that he ended up having a conversation with Rosie O'Donnel at Nobu the other night and Richie Notar was telling everyone about it. Artie heard about it already so Howard went off on Richie about that. Howard said Richie has to stop with that, it's really gay to do that to someone.
Howard said that Rosie tried to buy him dinner but Richie bought it for him. He said he was telling Rosie he's a fan of what she's been doing these days and they had a very nice conversation. He was glad he got a chance to talk to her finally. He's changed his tune on her over the past few years. He likes her blog and her honesty these days. He also said he admires her for leaving her show on her own terms.
Howard said that Richie was really good to him that night and he really is one of his best friends so it was no big deal when he went around telling everyone about that story. He figures that's his payback for buying him dinner.
Howard got back to the hot chicks that he was talking about with Gary. Howard said that Gary just wouldn't leave him alone. Gary ended up telling Howard how he got the call to go out to dinner that night and how more and more people ended up going out. He thought it was going to be two other couples but it ended up being about 12 people.
Howard asked Gary how he split the bill that night. Gary said that the bill was going to be split 5 ways but there were some splits on the tip and things like that. He said he got a $100 gift certificate from Sal for Christmas and pulled that out to help pay for dinner. He got mocked for pulling that out. Howard cut Gary off and said he was bored with the story. He said he was just kidding but he continued to talk about what he wanted to talk about.
Howard said he was out at his agent's roast on Saturday night and he was talking to Fred's wife Alison and had a nice conversation with her. He said that he talked to Mel Karmazin, Dan Clores and a few other people. Then Scott Greenstein from SIRIUS came up to him and tried to talk to him. Howard said he talks to people in half sentences. He said that Scott was talking to him about doing ''something big'' and doing a planning session with him. He wanted to know what the next big thing was. This was all happening before he had gone up to do the roast. He was already stressing out over that and Scott is asking him to do something big.
Howard said that Scott came up later and did the same thing to him. He caught him in a work conversation while he was out at a party. Howard said that Scott speaks really fast and really intensely so it was driving him nuts. He said the guy was on fire and he just wanted to talk to someone about business. He said that Scott will probably hate him now that he's brought that up... but he really does love the guy as far as business goes. He didn't want to discuss that stuff at a party.
Artie said that he has a perfect relationship with the guy because he's not important enough to have a discussion with. Scott has no meeting plans with Artie. Robin said that he's asked her to go to lunch but it didn't sound like she was that interested in doing that.
Howard said there was a guy they used to work with at WWOR and they would run really crazy ideas past him and he would agree to let them do them until they thought about it for a while. Artie said he used to pull stuff like that at MAD TV. He threw in a joke about doing ''Ed McMahon Walking'' as a parody of ''Dead Man Walking'' and they actually did it a week later. He was just joking around but they stuck him with that bit anyway. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard had Jimmy Kimmel come in after the Riley Martin think. He wasn't even sure why Jimmy was in town. Artie figured he was there for the ABC up fronts. Jimmy said that the studio was nice, it didn't have any strange smells or jizz on the walls yet.
Howard told Jimmy about some of the crazy stuff they've done in there already like Rappin Granny on the Sybian. He quickly played a clip of that segment after that. He told Jimmy that he was sitting on her 80-some year old fluids there on the couch. Howard also replayed some of the Riley Martin song parody. He also played some other audio clips that they've been playing lately.
Howard said that he was telling people that Jimmy's ratings are up but he heard that he's not beating that guy Craig Ferguson. Jimmy said that they are beating him though. Howard told him that he was thinking of becoming Craig's friend if his ratings were higher.
Jimmy said that he has to do this ABC up-fronts thing so that's why he's in town. He has to prepare for them and that's what he and Howard were talking about at lunch yesterday. Howard said that he was telling Jimmy about how horrible he was at his agent's roast but Robin said that he really wasn't bad.
Howard said he was going to have Jimmy up to his apartment to watch the OJ Simpson video that he got his hands on. Then he figured he wouldn't be able to get rid of Jimmy so he didn't have him up. Jimmy said he wasn't expecting Howard to invite him up to his apartment even though he walked him back to his apartment.
Howard decided to watch some movies on Sunday afternoon and each one was worse than the other. The first one was a vampire movie that was unwatchable. It had no plot and it was just bad. He also rented something called ''Pride and Prejudice'' which he bailed out on after 5 minutes. He thought the description of the movie sounded good. Then he rented another movie about this guy who falls for Amy Smart and he was so annoyed by the movie that he had to turn it off. He liked the description of the movie but it was just bad.
Howard decided to rent Doom to get his mind off the rest of the stuff. He said that the movie was so dark that you couldn't see anything on the screen. He said that one was horrible as well. He ended up calling Beth out in California and she was telling him about all of the guys who were following her and hitting on her out there.
Jimmy told Howard he had a great time talking to him at lunch yesterday. They talked about Adam Carolla for a good hour. Jimmy said that Adam doesn't care about anything and he just does anything. Jimmy said that Adam loves Howard even more than ever since he got the gig to replace him in a few markets out on the West Coast.
Howard said he rented a porn movie with Gina Lynn in it. He said that she was really hot and he feels more of a connection with her since she was on the show recently. He was talking about the other chick in the movie and how she had some huge titties. He said he was beating off to that movie and he didn't really finish, but he was done. It was like he was going to have an orgasm but nothing came out. Jimmy said he's had that happen to him but Howard's well was probably dry because Beth has been out of town.
Howard said that Beth asked him if he had beat off so he was honest with her and said that he had. She claims that she hasn't been masturbating since she met him. She's satisfied plenty with Howard. Howard asked Jimmy if he's still doing good with Sarah Silverman. He said things are going good for them.
Richard's girlfriend is a former intern from the show but he didn't meet her while he was working there. She was friends with Jason and Will and that's how he met her. Richard said that she really doesn't want to be talked about on the air so that's why things have been kept quiet.
Richard said that the intern actually won the Intern Beauty Pageant when she was there. He said she's from Pennsylvania and they are boyfriend and girlfriend right now. He said he's in love with her and he's even told his parents about her. That led to the guys goofing on Richard about taking her home to meet his parents and what that might be like. Artie said he was afraid that Richard was gay because he was always grabbing guys asses and doing gay stuff.
Howard got a picture of Richard's girlfriend and it turns out it was one of Robin's interns. Her picture got passed around and Jimmy said ''Thus begins the ending of their relationship...'' Richard was actually in the studio to talk about Gina Lynn but he didn't get to talk much about that before Howard let him go.
Jimmy said that they taped a show that's going to air tonight. He said that they pulled a prank on the audience when they had a fake snake bite him and rushed him to the hospital. Howard said that they actually worked that in with ''Grey's Anatomy'' so Jimmy will be appearing on that show.
Andrea said that she has been taking acting classes and will be in some low budget horror films. She told Howard she wants to go on tour with SIRIUS and get people to sign up. She said that she would go out for a month or so and do signing's and give away free posters and stuff. Howard said he'd see what they could do about that. She didn't seem to be paying attention to anything they were saying to her though. Howard put her on hold and told Gary to take care of that.
Howard got Andrea back on the phone and asked her if she would shower with the fans to help sell the radios. She said she would be willing to do that. She also said that she has a boyfriend who is a lawyer before Howard put her back on hold.
Howard said they were discussing having a new Miss Howard Stern Pageant but Miss Howard Stern may not be too happy about that. Howard read that Jimmy was going to be on the Bob Dylan show on XM but Jimmy said that someone just took clips from his show and spliced them in to make it sound like he was being interviewed by Bob Dylan. That led to Howard talking about how Oprah Winfrey is only going to be doing a half hour a week when she's on XM.
Howard was going to have High Pitch Eric in to jerk off to Jimmy because he's a huge fan of his. It turns out that Eric couldn't come in because he's on a family vacation. That was a pretty big surprise to most of the guys. Howard also mentioned that Axl Rose got a good review from some guy whose last name was close to ''aqualung'' so that led to Fred playing the ''Aqualung'' guitar riff that the guys were screwing around with a couple of weeks ago. They got into that for a couple of minutes but Howard didn't want to get into it too much because they'd be there all day doing that.
Howard read the article about Axl's show and how he showed up late to the gig. He said that Axl is pretty much washed up by this point and it's really obnoxious that he shows up late to gigs like that. It wasn't just a short time either, he was hours late.
Howard had Lisa G give her Howard 100 News preview. She said that they have an interview with Soupy Sales that they'll be playing on Howard 100 News today. They'll also be talking about the Erotic Exotic Ball and how they want to give Howard an award. Howard said that it's obvious that they want him there so they can sell more than 3 tickets. Lisa said that they'll also be premiering ''Inside the Porn Actors Studio'' on Howard 101 at 7pm tonight. Howard said he heard that show is very good and it's hosted by Richard Christy.
Lisa said that Jason and Will are back with another edition of Page 69. They're also revealing a new format for Howard 100 News. The news will not have a block of news, they're going to be doing bulletins every hour or so, 24 hours a day. The Howard Stern Show replay will be uninterrupted and the Wrap Up Show won't be interrupted too much anymore.
Howard said he thinks the new format will work because the hour long news was just going too long and they had to stretch stories out a bit. Jimmy said they should be ashamed that they even call it news. He also congratulated them on their demotions. Artie told Howard it was a good move because he was sick of the fuckin' news anyway. He said he was just kidding though.
Gary told Howard about how great the bar is over at Jimmy's show. Jimmy said he never goes down to see the bar, he's got his own bar up in his dressing room. Gary told Howard that there are tons of hot chicks at that bar so they talked about that a bit. The guests on the show go to the bar and it's a fun hang over there. Artie is going out there this week and he's looking forward to go trolling for chicks out there. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Howard heard that Artie has been getting a lot of phone calls from Andrew Dice Clay who has been leaving messages for him. Dice just keeps going on and on and on. Artie said that Don Jamieson gave Dice his number but he did ask if it was okay before he did that.
Howard had clips from Dice's messages so he played some of those. In one clip Dice tells Artie he's an idiot for sending Dana a 5 page love letter. He said he should be filling the Hudson up with his loads. Dice left another message where he goes off on himself for leaving messages for Artie while he's got his own problems. In another message Dice tells Artie to go ahead and use the messages on the show if he wants. Artie said he was laughing his ass off listening to the messages. He said it might be different when you're live on the phone with him.
Howard said he used to go through those kinds of calls with Dice when he was close with him and he used to have to hang up on him. Howard was amazed that Artie was able to get the messages because he's so bad with technology. Artie said it's a simple voice mail. Gary told Howard that the one call he was playing was about seven and a half minutes long. Howard was only playing a couple of minutes of it.
Howard said that the studio is a mess and it's too busy. Scott DePace said that he and Doug both like it and it looks good on TV. It's not quite done right now so they have to wait for it to be finished. Doug told Howard they'll give it a try and if he doesn't like it, they'll go back to the old style. DePace said they won't go back to the old stuff, they'll just change it again.
Howard said that he's kind of glad that ''Poseidon'' didn't do very well at the box office this weekend. That led to everyone talking about the original version of the movie. Artie was reciting lines from that movie and goofing on it for a while. Artie knew the movie really well and said that he and his friend rent it once in a while and laugh their asses off for four hours.
Artie said there's another movie called ''Beyond the Poseidon Adventure'' and it's another really funny movie. He said that Adrian Barbeau is in the movie and it was at a time when her tits were in their prime. Howard asked Jimmy if he memorizes movies like Artie does. Jimmy said that he does have a couple of movies that he has memorized.
Howard asked the guys what they thought about this story of a model who did a photo shoot for a Victoria's Secret catalog but the pictures got sold to Maxim magazine and now she's pissed and wants to sue over it. Some of the guys thought that was wrong but others thought it didn't matter because she probably signed a contract that allowed the photographer to sell them to whoever he wanted to.
Howard said that Jimmy isn't a fat guy even though he seems to look fat when he's on TV. Jimmy said that people come up to him all the time and tell him he looks like he's lost weight when they see him but he claims he's weighed the same for the past 6 years.
Howard read some mail about the bulldog that he was trying to save recently. People are pissed that he got involved in trying to save a dog just because he thought that the bulldog might be mellow like his own dog. That led to Howard talking about the outcome of that story. He said that this woman wanted to test the dog out to see if it could have been involved in the mauling of a 4 year old child. Howard said that an eyewitness has come forward and said that the bulldog just sat there while the two rottweilers attacked the kid. If the dog is innocent, Howard said that they should let it live.
Howard read some mail about last week's Friday Show and some people enjoyed hearing the old WNBC tapes and stuff like that. A bunch of people actually liked the old stuff they were playing from those days.
Sal came in and told Howard that people are twisting stories around there and he doesn't dislike the show. He said when he first started watching the show he didn't like it. Then he watched it with his kid and the they both laughed together.
Howard interrupted Sal and told him he doesn't want him fraternizing with the guests anymore. Sal said he wasn't. Howard explained to him that they have to keep him away from everyone because he has no business being around the guests. He said they may have to make him work at home like Dan the Song Parody Man does.
Gary said that Sal was out in the hall dancing around in his big lipped monkey mask and doing a show for people out there. Howard told Sal to stop messing around with the guests or he will be home with his kids working out of his house. Sal said that he'd kill himself if he had to do that.
Sal was trying to defend himself but Howard told him that the green room is his and he doesn't want Sal out there telling people his opinions. Sal said that he and Richard were trying to get Gary to listen to some stuff and he ended up closing the door and ignored him so he started jumping around in his monkey mask. Gary told Sal that it's none of his business.
Howard asked Artie if he has to go to the premiere of his movie. He's afraid he's not going to like the movie and he doesn't want to bash it on the air. Artie said that he'd be fine if Howard didn't go because it would take some pressure off of him. He said that he doesn't think it's Howard's cup of tea anyway.
Howard asked the guys what they think is the correct term is for someone who is good at playing cards... Card Shark or Card Sharp. He told the guy that he read in a reputable paper that it's actually ''card sharp'' not card shark like most people think.
The caller told Howard that he liked the rejected bit that they played from Richard and Sal. He was also liking the Wendy the Retard stuff they were playing. Howard thought that the Sal and Richard bit sucked but people seemed to like it. Gary said that they have the clip up to play if Howard wanted to play it. Howard didn't think that it was a cool bit at all but he played it to let Jimmy decide on it. In the clip Sal and Richard are ''Jack and Rod'' interviewing a woman with an Easter Bunny by the name of Andy Dice Cottontail sitting in and goofing on the woman.
Everyone was laughing during the bit so Howard may have been wrong for rejecting the bit. Howard said he thought it was just mean and not funny but Robin thought it was funny. So did Jimmy. Howard said that's why they need the Friday Show, so they can play the rejected bits.
The caller asked Jimmy how he can get into the bar at Jimmy's show. Jimmy said that audience members aren't usually allowed there but he agreed to let this guy come down and watch Artie do his thing on Friday night.
Howard took another phone call from a guy who thanked Jimmy for a bit they did on the show because they showed his son, who is over in Iraq. He said that he hadn't seen his son in a really long time so it was great to see him on TV. Jimmy said they do that once in a while and hook up with the troops over there.
Howard said he thought about going over to Iraq to entertain the troops but then realized how nuts that would be. His agent thought it was a great idea until he asked him to come along with him.
Howard took a call from another guy who offered to do some web site work for free. He said that he'd be willing to work one day a week for free. The guy also asked if he could get in on the Artie roast but Howard told him to stick to the web site thing and put him on hold. Jimmy asked if he could come out and roast Artie. Howard said that would be great if he can get the night off to do it. Jimmy said he'd see if he could do that.
Howard took a call from a guy who started to tell a story that was boring from the start so Fred started playing snoring sounds and Howard eventually bailed out on the call after goofing on the guy for a couple of minutes. The guy just kept going with his story even though they were goofing on him.
Another caller brought up the fact that Howard was talking about David Spade's article for Time magazine and how he wanted to have Jimmy write it instead. Howard said that Spade left him a serious message and he sounded kind of pissed off. He said that he called David back and told him that what his friends were telling him wasn't quite right and he was doing a funny radio show talking about how he could get a real fan of the show to write it.
Gary came in and distracted Howard while he was telling the story. Howard got pissed at Gary because he wasn't telling him anything, he was just walking in and out of the studio. Gary said he had something that he wanted to bring up but not on the air. Gary said that Jim Belushi was there but that wasn't what he was coming in about.
Howard went on with the David Spade thing and talked about how he told David that he was just joking around on the air and he shouldn't take it so personally. He said he's a big fan of David's and he would never bad mouth his TV show like Spade thought he did.
Howard said that he said that he hasn't heard back from David since leaving the message. He's not sure if David is that pissed at him or not.
Jimmy told the guys that he remembers getting a tape from his uncle back in about 1983 of Howard's show and he remembers just how funny it was and how that got him involved in radio. That's what he would have put in the article if he had written it for Time magazine. He said he knows how David must feel after writing the article and hearing it from Howard. Jimmy said he will even write one of those things for Time and send it in. He thought that David did a good job with his article but he figures he doesn't even listen to the show all that much because he's a stand-up comic. He gave David a grade of a B for the assignment. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard had the guys bring in Jim Belushi who was waiting to come in. Howard said that Artie's idol is John Belushi and wondered if he had ever met Jim. Artie had met him back at K-Rock and even back when he was doing the Norm Show at ABC.
Jim came in and talked about how he and Howard ran together one time. He said he went on to run for 20 miles that day. Howard told Jim about how Artie has a picture of John that he keeps on his wall. They were also talking about how Artie has started to look like John these days. Artie said he can't help that but he will be trying to lose some weight. Jim told Artie he's nothing like John because he'd have to die at 33 to be like him. Artie is already 38.
Jim said that his brother did the National Lampoon Radio Hour and that was some great stuff. Artie said that he knows a lot of stuff about John and Jim may not even know the answers to the questions. Howard asked Artie what the name of John's character was in the movie ''1941.'' Artie thought about it for a few seconds and couldn't think of it. Jim said that Steven Spielberg wanted John to scratch his balls in the movie at one point but John refused so they actually brought in a ''balls double'' to do the scene and it really pissed John off. Howard said that his name in the movie was ''Wild Bill Kelso.''
Howard had another question and asked where Animal House was filmed. Artie said it was Oregon and it was at the University of Oregon. Howard bailed out on that whole thing and brought up the story that Jim told the last time he was on the show. He talked about his neighbor Julie Newmar giving him a hard time about something he was doing in his yard so he had to sue her. Howard said he knows that must be really tough to sue your neighbor. That led to Jim talking about how his show ''According to Jim'' is now in it's 6th season and they're syndicated now so he's doing very well now.
Howard asked Jim if he's making some good money on that show. Gary told Howard he heard that he's getting half a million per episode for that show. Jim said he's doing very well and can do just about anything he wants. Howard talked to him about his two divorces and about the money he's had to give up each time. Jim said that he wasn't making much money in the first divorce and in the second one he had a pre-nup so he didn't get screwed. He said that the third wife won't divorce him because things are going so well.
Jim said that he and Julie eventually made up and she actually did his show. He said he went to her one time and told her that he wanted to make up with her and wanted a neighbor he could care about. He said that she turned out to be the nicest woman ever once he went to her. Howard wondered what started the whole thing. Jim said that the story was just too long. He and Julie went through a mediation thing and settled things so everything is good now. Jim said that she's so nice to his family now and they're getting along just fine.
Howard said that Jim seems to fight with a lot of people. Jim almost came to blows with Howard one time. They didn't get into details of that though. Jimmy said that Jim once got into it with Mr. T on his show one time and it looked like he wanted to beat him up.
Howard asked Jim if he's gotten into real fights with people. Jim said he's doing some boxing and he loves watching the Ultimate Fighting stuff. Howard said he likes that stuff too but he can't fight himself.
Howard moved on to give Jim a plug for his book ''Real Men Don't Apologize.'' He asked him what the book is about. Jim said that he gives some relationship advice and talks about how guys shouldn't apologize in their relationships.
Gary came in and said that he read that Jim advises guys to try and hold out during sex because the woman will work really hard the next time to make a guy cum. Jim said that was taken out of context and explained what he was talking about. He said it gives guys a sense of power when you can hold out. Howard said that his girlfriend actually checks his rubber after he finishes to see how much of a load he leaves.
Gary had some more advice from Jim's book. He said that Jim gives some advice about getting oral sex advice from a lesbian to use it on a woman. Jim said that those things were being taken from the sex part of the book. Jim was telling the guys to use the bottom part of their tongue on a woman because the texture is different underneath. He said it takes half the time and half the work to get a woman off doing it that way.
Gary said he had another bit of advice from the book where he suggests that guys always put a lock on their bathroom door to keep their wives from finding them masturbating. Jim said that wasn't in the book but Gary swore that it came from the book. Jim said he didn't write that part. Howard said that some guys have come on the show and didn't know what was in their books.
Jim told Howard that the start of the book is about how he had to move on with his life after John died. That led to the guys talking about John's death a little bit. Jim said that he's not even drinking that much these days because he's got kids in the house and he gets annoyed when he's hung over.
Howard had a guy there at the studio claiming to be Jim's illegitimate kid but Jim said he didn't want to give the guy the time on the air so Howard dropped it.
Howard gave Jim another plug for his book and said that he'll be signing copies at a couple of book stores in New York City and New Jersey today. Jimmy asked him if he will demonstrate the oral sex move for the people who come to see him. Jim said he will demonstrate that for them. He was also talking about how his agent came up with the idea to write the book. Howard wished him luck with the book after that.
Howard said that there were two people in the studio other than Jim and they were his cousins Paul and Parker. He wasn't able to find the microphones so he didn't bother talking to them. He said he felt very unprofessional today. Jim said he likes the new studio and he likes SIRIUS and actually did some Blues Brothers stuff to help them launch the service years ago.
Howard took a call from Hook Nose Mike who asked Jim if he's ever gotten a hard on while working with the chicks on his TV show. Jim said he's never been with any of the women he works with because it's a bad idea. He said he loves those girls like sisters and he wouldn't do stuff like that. Mike said that they used to show Courtney wearing really tight sweaters and you could see nip. Jim said that ABC came down on them and made them stop so no one will see nip on her anymore. Jim said that they make Courtney wear more padded bras now. Jim isn't sure whose order that was.
Artie asked Jim about this book ''Belushi'' that's out and Jim said he thinks it's a great book. He said that the book shows how his brother fought for the stuff he did and how intense he was about his craft. Artie asked him if he had trouble with Michael Eisner like his brother did. Jim said he got along with him and his brother was always battling with everyone he worked for so that was just the way things were with him.
Howard took another call from a woman who asked if Jim has used his technique on a lesbian. Jim said that lesbians don't want him down there so he's never tried that. Another caller talked to Jim about a movie he worked on with him called ''Thief.''
Howard hung up on him and moved on to another caller. That caller claims that Jim walked out of his house half naked one time and chased him away. Jim said this is a drunk asshole who was coming on his yard. He said that he thought there was an animal out there and he ran out naked to chase the guy away. Jim claims that the guy was trying to bang some chicks on his yard. He also said that the guy was caught the week before trying to sneak onto the beach and he tried again.
Howard said it must have been quite a site to see Jim naked out there. Jim said he's got two German shepherds and he had to take care of things. He's got a family to take care of. He said that the dogs kept the guy at bay and he had the guy arrested. The caller said that the judge said that they should have pressed charges against Jim because there was no reason to have the dogs cornering them. Jim said that's bull shit and the guy is just a drunk. Howard gave Jim another few plugs and then went to break a short time later.
Artie said that the news department is already bugging him about the comments Howard made about his movie earlier in the morning.
Howard read that President Bush has announced a press conference that's going to interrupt TV tonight and the networks are freaking out. All of their season finales and big hit shows are getting interrupted. Howard spent a minute talking about that.
Howard had an audio clip of a pitcher who was interviewed while he was drunk and made a bit of a fool out of himself. He played the clip and the guy sounded really mellow, and almost asleep as he as being interviewed. The reporter kept the interview going even though the guy was so out of it. Howard figured it had to be more than alcohol that the guy was on.
Howard said it's a good thing he wasn't interviewed after going to Scores on Friday night. That led to Howard talking about how they should all get drunk whenever they do the roast for Artie. They haven't found a venue for that event yet but Howard wants to do a drinking show. Jimmy talked about how his first show was a drinking show but they didn't plan it that way. They had an audience member drink and vomit in the crowd. That ruined things for the show because they banned drinking there from then on.
Howard said that he remembers his cousin taking him on a car ride one night and he turned out his headlights and made a weird left turn and said that they were either going to die or get through this thing. They lucked out and didn't crash. Paul didn't even remember that happening. Howard also said that he remembers smoking weed with Paul and that his mother smelled it on his cousin but not on him.
Paul told Howard that he started a charity where they do work down in Nicaragua. He talked about that for a short time and got in a plug for his web site ParadiseWithAPurpose.org. He has some old Private Parts mugs to give away for the first 5 people to donate $300 to the charity. Howard said that he'd even sign the mugs for him.
Howard mentioned that Paul's son Parker is a piano genius too. He mentioned his band on the show before. Parker told Howard he just landed a job composing some music for an independent film. Paul said that Parker was amazing right from the start so he should consider himself a child prodigy.
Howard asked Parker if he's gotten laid from being his cousin. Parker said he's never used that line with the women. Paul got in a plug for his web site ParkerJazz.com as well. Howard told Parker he should get out of Jazz and get into something more rocking. Paul told Howard that Parker is into some pretty wild Jazz stuff though and he does great with that. Howard still told him he should rock up a bit instead. Paul said it is kind of weird that he likes Rock and his son is into Jazz. It's like some kind of weird role reversal. Howard had Robin start her news after that.
Howard spent a short time talking to his cousin Paul about their fathers. Paul was saying that his father was an asshole and he really wasn't that nice. Howard didn't know he felt that way about the guy. He didn't think he was a very loving guy. Paul's son said that he thinks that his father is a loving guy though so he didn't take after his own father.
Jon Hein came in and gave Howard a quick rundown of what they had coming up on The Wrap Up Show today. That led to Howard talking about how they wanted to do a whole bit with Benjy in a wheelchair for Jim Belushi's illegitimate son but that fell apart. They'll also be talking about Howard not wanting to go see Artie's movie. They'll also be talking to a guy from Survivor who creates the challenges for the show.
Gary came in and told Howard that Richard's ''Inside the Porn Actors Studio'' will also be on tonight. He said he heard it and it was very good. It was Hillary Sky that Richard interviews, not Shy Love as they mentioned a few times this morning. Howard played a clip from that show which airs tonight on Howard 101. In the clip you hear Richard asking the questions as if they're serious about getting ass fisted and Hillary explains herself as if it was serious. Howard congratulated Richard on that and got in another plug for that show. He also thanked Jon for coming in and then had Robin finish up her news. They ended the show around 11:20am.
Howard brought up the season finale of ''Survivor'' and mentioned that the reunion show had a part where one of the guys was asked how he was going to handle winning the money. Howard thought about that and said that he would give them an F-you and tell them that he was going to pocket that money and spend it the way he wants. That led to the guys talking about the first season winner who didn't pay his taxes because he thought that CBS was going to pay them. Howard said that guy is a douche for offering up a defense like that.
Artie asked if any of the other winners have gone on to show that they could spend that money responsibly. Howard said that no one ha. Gary said that one of the guys, Ethan, showed that he could spend the money wisely. Gary was also saying that they had a guy who works on Survivor on The Wrap Up Show who said that Richard Hatch walking around naked looked like he had a mushroom dick and people would be surprised to see him if they could.
Howard spent some time talking about his cousin Paul who was in yesterday. His son was also there and Artie was saying that kid has a look on his face like he's getting laid already and knows more about sex than they do. Howard said the kid probably does and the reason he was there in the city was because he was there to see a chick who he met out walking around one day.
Gary said that there's days when he sees his kids get on the bus, when he has a day off, and it's a huge relief because he knows he has a whole day to himself. Howard said that his cousin's son was home schooled but he seems to have turned out just fine. Sometimes you see a kid who was home schooled and you think that something is wrong there.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he was watching Jimmy Kimmel last night and saw him get bit by a snake. Howard thanked the guy for reporting that and then broke the news to him that it was a joke. The guy said that he knew that and said he was just trying to keep the joke going. Howard wondered why the guy was pulling that on him since Jimmy told them about it when he was on the show yesterday.
Howard said that the president's speech screwed up his TV watching last night. He said he was trying to watch ''How I Met Your Mother'' but the schedule got all screwed up because of the President's speech. That means that Gary missed it as well. He said he hates when that kind of thing happens with the schedule.
Howard and Artie talked about that for a short time and Artie thought that they were getting to the bottom of nothing by talking about it. Howard seemed to want Artie to admit to something that he didn't want to but Artie swears that's not the case. Artie was saying that he can't watch someone getting killed either so it's not just watching a couple of gay guys making out that creeps him out. Gary said that the part of that scene that makes him squeamish was when Johnny Cakes rolls the other guy over.
Howard asked why Britney Spears can't put her kid in a car seat the right way. He just saw a picture of her putting the kid in the seat backwards. The kid was turned around with it's head all out of place. He also said that she's looking horrible these days and she used to be so hot. That led to the guys talking about how Shelly Winters used to be hot and she turned out to be a mess eventually.
Howard read that Richie Sambora has called off his romance with Denise Richards. They apparently put out a press release about it. Richie is saying that he thought about his ex-wife Heather Locklear and their daughter and decided that he didn't want to keep the relationship going with Denise. Howard quickly went over that and then brought up the President's speech from last night.
Howard said that he feels like banging her over the head and dragging her into his cave when he sees her. He said that he would give out the web site address after they checked her out a little bit. Howard said he gets cuckoo when he sees a feminine girl like that. He said she's got quite a body on her and he would suck her asshole clean if he could get her. He said he knows he sounds like Pat O'Brien when he talks about her. He said that the site he was checking out was abum.com. Richie said they have some great stuff on there. Howard said he can't imagine getting tired of that ass.
Howard said that Beth is still out in California shooting some stuff for G4. He saw some video of her on one of the G4 shows out there and she looked really good. He misses her and she was telling him that she really misses him as well and she can't wait to come home. She still has to fly home to Memphis though. Robin said that this is why she could never have done the Dancing with the Stars thing because Howard would have missed her too much.
Howard took a call from a guy but interrupted him and told a story about Beth going out to dinner out in California. She ended up getting a whole pitcher of beer spilled on her. Then they gave her the bill and didn't deduct anything from it at all. He said that the place was a Sushi place and he has to find out the name of it so he can talk about it. He said that Beth didn't say anything to the waiter so one of her friends did and the waiter belligerently asked if they were looking for some kind of discount.
Howard said that she's so nice that she won't say anything to anyone or complain. Howard asked her to put the waiter on the phone so he can yell at the guy himself. He's going to find out the name of the restaurant and publicize it.
Howard and Robin talked about the roast they went to for their agent Don Buchwald. Howard was saying that he used to have a couple of lawyers that handled him until Don took over. He said that all of these guys he was working with had agents so he figured he had to get one himself. He met three people like Richard Liebner and that guy pawned him off to some underling. He didn't want that so he went to see another guy who was handling Imus at the time. His name was Michael something. The guy was really nice and took him on a walk around the block. When he told the guy that he was better than Imus, the guy got pissed and said that he doesn't way that kind of thing to him.
Howard eventually went to meet with Don Buchwald who said that he should be making double what he was making at the time. He was going to go into NBC and have them rip up his contract and start over again. He said that Don made that happen and he couldn't believe it. Don used to tell him that he had to call him when he would make deals and he actually signed a TV deal with someone without telling him one time. Don called the guy and the guy agreed to change things around but then the guy died so it was never an issue. He said the guy was a really nice guy and he wasn't all that old but he died from cancer.
Howard, Fred and Robin talked about the way they got screwed around before they moved to New York and how things got kind of screwed up in their careers. Howard said that was just a weird time back then.
Howard had a caller on the line who asked Howard if he wanted him to ''take care'' of the restaurant that Beth went to. Howard didn't want him doing anything illegal. The guy said he could write an article or something about what happened if he wanted to. That's what he was talking about when he said ''taking care'' of the problem. The guy, King of all Japs, said that he likes the new News format that they have on Howard 100 now. Robin asked how the work schedules changed. Howard said that Liz Aiello has all of that under control and they haven't fired anyone as far as he knows.
Robin thinks that Bubba is really upset that Howard got a hold of the tape but Howard thinks that Bubba isn't really upset and he never would have let Brent release it to them if he didn't want them to hear it. Howard played the song he had and goofed on that for a short time.
Howard also played tape of Bubba going off on Brent for giving the tape to Gary before he even asked him about it. Howard said he heard Bubba going off on Brent and saying that he gets paid by the Bubba the Love Sponge Radio Network and thought that was pretty funny. He played more of Bubba's rap song and Robin said that they have to be getting Punk'd with that song.
Howard played more of Bubba talking about how he was going to get fucked on that deal if they actually played the tape on the air. Howard went back and forth between that and the rap song.
Howard said that Zolar farted on the Superfan Roundtable the other night so he played a clip of that. It was pretty gross and Howard said it wasn't cool. Artie said that was in Mike Walker's league. He was sitting right next to a hot chick when he did it too.
Howard played the ''My Name Is... Riley Martin'' song parody and goofed on Riley a bit. He was trying to learn the lines that Riley says he learned from the aliens when he met them.
Bobo called in and asked Artie why he said that he was weird looking when he saw him. Artie told him that his fake hair looks odd. Artie said that he's a friend just telling him the truth. Howard said that it's like going around wearing a hat. Bobo said that it becomes something that you don't even notice after wearing it for a while. Bobo said that it's real hair that has holes in it so the water can run through it.
Howard was curious about the maintenance of the hair so he asked him about that. He also said that he'd be really insecure about losing his hair but he can't imagine wearing a wig. Bobo said that people think he's in his 40's and it does make him look younger. Howard thanked him for calling in and took a break a short time later.
Gary said that the guy claims that Dice owes him money because he bought him an Escalade or something like that. Howard said that Beth gets hooked into that stuff pretty easily and none if it is actually important.
Robin said that one of the stories was about High Pitch Eric asking for some money at a comedy show and he never paid the guy back. Lisa got back to her preview and said they'll be talking about the Indecency Bill that's being voted on soon. Howard said he's behind that bill now and he's going to back it 100 percent. He said that the bill is a straight ahead $330,000 fine for any station out there that offends someone.
Howard read an article about the bill and also brought up the comments that Frank Zappa was making back in 1984 about the government going way out of their way to fine people. Howard played the clip of Zappa talking about what the FCC was really put into place for and it had nothing to do with fining stations for language.
Howard got back to the article about the indecency bill which is being backed by Senator Brownback. He read that the fines will be bumped up to $325,000 from $27,000. They're leaving violence out of the bill and only talking about sex talk and things like that. Howard said that now that he's off of Terrestrial radio, he's loving this bill. All of the companies out there who have no spine to stand up to the government will get screwed when this bill is passed. That will send even more people to satellite radio so it's the best thing ever. Howard said that people should be allowed to say the S-word on regular radio.
Lisa said they have a story about this new thing for women called PT141 that's a sexual enhancer. It gets sprayed up the nose but Howard thought it was to spray on ''the lips.'' Lisa said that she would not try it and neither would Robin. Howard said he wouldn't even try Viagra because things work just fine down there. He mentioned that Bubba is using Cialis to get himself going though. He uses those for sex and Ambien for sleep. He apparently loves to take pills.
Howard and Robin spent some time talking about boners and stuff. Howard said he's constantly boned up and ready to go with Beth. Howard said that he's got a full four inches of love making ready to go. Howard played a little bit of Bubba's rap song and Artie said that it's the worst song he's ever heard. Robin said that the writing of the song was horrible because nothing rhymed.
Lisa said that Bubba has his ''Spice Boy'' returning to the show so they'll be reporting on that sometime today. She also got in a plug for Victoria Zdrok's show that airs tonight at 7 on Howard 101.
Howard commented on some of the chicks on the list and kind of went off on Rebecca Romijn. He said that he's a comedian and that's why he goofs on her boyfriend. He said there was a whole discussion on SFN about whether or not he's a comedian or not.
Howard had a bunch of audio to play today. The first thing was Paris Hilton who was hired by a company to promote her new video game ''Jewel Jam'' but she got the name of it wrong when she was promoting it. She was calling it ''Diamond Quest'' and it wasn't even close to what the actual name was. He played the clip where she called it the wrong name and apologized for being late to her appearance. Gary told Howard that she was an hour and a half late to the appearance too.
Artie brought up how Jamie Foxx was there last week walking around and Howard decided not to have him in the studio because it was too late in the show. He asked him if he would have had a Paris Hilton or Tom Cruise in the studio if it had been one of them instead. Howard said he would have because his audience would have killed him if he didn't have one of them in. Jamie Foxx isn't on that list.
Jeff said that he's mad at Artie for a combination of things. Robin said it's like the nicer you are to Jeff, the meaner he can be to you. Howard said that Jeff is like a big man-baby who throws a tantrum when he doesn't get his way. When he asked Jeff why he's pissed at Artie, Jeff changed his tune and didn't have anything to say.
Jeff claims that he was doing the F-you thing for the cameras at the film festival. Howard said that's not true and he was serious. Jeff said that he was angry at Artie for talking shit about his mother. He didn't like him making fun of the cheese thing that Artie was goofing on. Jeff said that his mother likes to eat cheese and that's it.
Gary came in and said that he heard that Jeff is going around telling people that he got oral sex at the Film Festival. Jeff said that wasn't true but Sal heard the story from him. Howard was going to let Jeff go but Jeff asked him to play a prank call that was made to him on his birthday but Howard was struggling to understand what he was talking about. Gary told him that Sal and Doug Goodstein called Jeff and made fun of him that day but the call didn't go anywhere so it was never played on the air. Howard let Jeff go and went to break a short time later.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's been listening to the show while driving his truck across country. That led to Howard talking about how they may have been a huge hit if they were on a terrestrial radio station for 24 hours a day when they were still on there.
Howard said that he had a few more audio clips to play. The Bloodhound Gang had Mark the Bagger on their show the other night. He said that they've tried to get Mark on his show but Mark's mother doesn't want him doing his show. She trusts the guys from the Bloodhound Gang though. Howard played the clip where the guys were asking Mark if he was attracted to Artie Lange. Mark said that he might have sex with Artie if he made the right offer to him.
In another clip Mark the Bagger says that he'll kick High Pitch Eric's ass. There was another clip where Mark talks about his favorite words ''cunts and fags.'' He had another one where he was laughing and then taking phone calls. A caller told Mark that he loved the prank call that Mark made to a muffler shop.
Howard played the prank call that was mentioned in the clip where Mark calls a muffler shop and talks about sticking his dick in a tail pipe and laughs his ass off as he's doing it. Howard played more of Mark's clips from the Bloodhound Gang's show. One woman asked Mark if he's going to be on Howard's show more. He said that Howard has to call his agent to get him on.
Howard said that guy is good and he wishes that he could get him on the show. His mother won't allow it though. Gary said that they won't give them Mark's mother's number... Then he got word from Will that he did speak to his mother. Will came in the studio a short time later and told Howard that his mother was very upset about the gay stuff that went on with Mark and one of the guys from the Bloodhound Gang. Howard told Will that he should be talking to Mark's mother and let her know that it wasn't someone from their show that touched him, it was one of the Bloodhound Gang that did that.
Howard was looking through the clips he had to play and tried to figure out what to play next. He was going to play some stuff from ''Inside the Porn Actors Studio.'' Robin said that she heard some of it and Richard sounded like he was half asleep in that.
Howard played some audio from a prison documentary, from HBO, where a prisoner was talking about getting his salad tossed. The guy said that it's not gay because they just pretend that it's a woman's pussy. Howard said that's why he pays his taxes and doesn't want to go to jail. In another clip a guy talks about how there are husbands and wives in prison and the guys all take care of each other as if they were husband's and wives. Another guy talked about how he stabbed a guy while giving him oral sex in a closet. He said the other guy couldn't explain it because he had a fag sucking his dick in the closet.
Howard played another audio clip where a prisoner talked about making meth at his house. He claimed that he could make $9 million worth of the stuff with a couple of 55 gallon drums. In another clip a guy talked about banging a woman and how she wanted more from him so he called out to a buffalo asking the buffalo to help him out. Howard said that some of these guys would be good on radio and he's thinking about putting people like this on his channel.
Howard played a clip of a guy talking about making money in prison selling drugs. He said that people will bring the stuff in by shoving it up their ass. Howard said that the ass seems to be everything in prison.
Howard asked Jeff what evidence he has that shows he doesn't conduct his life like a baby. Jeff didn't have an answer. Howard told him that the government pays him to stay home without a job, he lives at him with his mother and doesn't have a job. That would appear to be a baby to him. Jeff said that he still thinks that Howard loves him even though he says all of that stuff.
Howard said that Jeff couldn't even hold a job as a hand stamper. Jeff asked Howard to talk good about him once in a while but Robin asked him to come up with something positive to say. Jeff said that is pretty tough to do. Howard let him go a short time later and went to commercial break.
Siobahn was telling the guys that they can call her a ''she'' because some were calling him he and others were calling her she. Robin was calling her ''Siobahn'' because he/she didn't work. Artie saw Siobahn at the film festival and she was hanging around talking to a lot of people. One of the directors was talking to her until she introduced her daughter to him, then he was hitting on her. Robin and Howard said that her daughter is actually very pretty.
Howard asked Siobahn more about the penis/fake vagina thing and how that worked. Robin was saying that sometimes they use the ball skin to create a vagina. Siobahn said that it's not good to do that because you don't want hair growing out of your vagina.
Siobahn told Howard that she would like to get a date with one of his listeners. Howard said that she's so hideous that she has to offer money to people to have sex with her. He knows of guys who will have sex with animals, dead animals, before they'd have sex with her because she's so disgusting. Howard said that if he was Siobahn, he'd go to the doctor and ask to be turned into a sheep because guys are more attracted to sheep than they are to her.
Howard asked Siobahn if the doctors and nurses laughed at her after her operation. She said that they were very nice and didn't laugh at her. They went through the process of getting the operation done and how it was about a week and a half before they pulled the bandages off. Robin said that the body always looks at that hole as a wound so it has to be constantly opened up. Siobahn said that she has to use a stint to keep it opened up once in a while. Fred was doing his impression of Siobahn's voice going from high to low and had the guys laughing.
Siobahn said that she has to use lube in there to keep herself lubricated... like Robin does. Robin told her not to compare her to that because she has her own juices in there. Siobahn said that she wants to lose her cherry but she wants it to be a good experience.
Ralph called in and said that it must be a lot of work down there to keep that thing fresh. He also said that maybe Howard should have a contest where the loser would have to bang Siobahn. Siobahn said that the guy has to be good looking or he can't do it. Howard told her that she can't be picky when it comes to getting laid.
Howard asked his audience if there's anyone out there who would be willing to bang Siobahn. He was pretty sure that there was anyone out there. Siobahn was saying that the guy will have to go down on her before doing her as well because she needs foreplay to get her going.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he would do it but he would have to shoot his load on her face. He claimed that he looks like Robby Benson but Siobahn was already saying that she didn't want someone who looked like a kid. She also said that she wants someone who works out. Howard told her to forget it because it's going to be impossible to find a guy if she's going to be picky about it. The caller said that he has a belly so Siobahn asked him how big it is. The guy said that he's 200 pounds and 5'10'' tall. Siobahn said that she's 6' tall and weighs just 100 pounds.
Siobahn asked how big the guy's penis is. The guy said it's only about 5 and a half inches long so it won't hurt. Siobahn said that might work. She wanted to pick from a group of men though. Howard told her that there is no group, it's one guy. Howard wanted them to come in tomorrow so he tried to set things up. He said that Rob can go over to Siobahn's place tomorrow and bang Siobahn while they're on the phone.
Siobahn said that she doesn't want this guy shooting his load on her if he's dirty. She said that she hasn't had sex in 12 years. She said she hopes that this works out. Siobahn said that the guy will probably lose it when he sees all of the cats in her apartment.
Howard said that Siobahn was dancing at the Film Festival after party and not wearing any panties so everyone could see up her dress. She went on to talk about how she was doing some cat sitting to make money but that kind of dried up so now she's ''scrabbling'' to make money. Howard and Artie corrected her and said that it's not ''scrabbling'' it's ''scrambling.'' They goofed on her about that for a short time and then Fred said that the word ''scrabble'' is a word but Siobahn may not have been using it correctly. Howard said he doesn't care and just wanted to end the conversation. He wanted to hand up but Fred was doing his impression and goofing on her. He eventually hung up on Siobahn and moved on.
Howard said that the guy raped, sodomized and killed the woman and then called her friends and let them know what he had done. The killer didn't cry in court but he claims that he feels it in his heart and feels for the family's loss.
Howard was relieved when he saw that the family said that they could never forgive the guy for what he did. Robin said that's not good for the family though because they will never let it go. She said that she sees forgiveness as being the person letting go of the situation and moving on with their life.
Garver asked Debbie what 9x8 was and she said 48. Howard said ''uh oh'' when he heard that answer. Garver asked what she thinks of Howard Stern and she said she thinks he's a nice guy. Then he asked her about if she would ever marry a Jew. She said she's married three of them. Garver asked her who the biggest assholes in Hollywood were. She didn't have an answer for that question and walked away a short time later.
Garver got an interview with Jack Carter who has been around for a long time. Howard seemed surprised to hear that he was still alive. Howard played the clip where Carter commented on him and said that he thinks Howard is a moron but he likes ''the girl'' (Robin). Carter changed his tune and said that he actually likes Howard but he should shave his head so we can see his head. Howard said that his hair is actually amazing. He's 52 and it's still pretty damn dark even though there is some grey in there.
Robin said that she was talking to Captain Dennis about him and he was amazed that he was over 50. Howard said that he thinks his hair saves him. He said it would be tough to walk around with a rag on his head. He said that when he sees Hulk Hogan take that thing off his head, he looks about 20 years older.
Howard played another clip where Garver got an interview with Kaylee DeFer from the TV show ''The War at Home'' but as soon as he started to ask some rude questions, her publicist pulled her away. Garver called him a douche as he was pulling her away.
Garver got an interview with Michael Rappaport who asked Garver not to ask him anything stupid in front of his kids. Garver asked him if he thinks that Bush should be impeached and Rappaport went nuts and said that was a stupid question. Howard said that Rappaport came back to talk to Gary when he realized who he was. Rappaport returned and answered the Bush question and a few others. He calmed down a little bit when Garver told him he was from Howard's show.
Rappaport told Garver to go on so he asked him if he shaves his private area. He asked him about Osama bin Laden's daughter getting her own talk show but he disappeared for a few seconds. Rappaport told him to ask some good questions. Garver asked him if he's ever banged a black chick. Michael said that he has but he didn't want to talk about Garver's sister. Rappaport told Garver they have to step this up a bit and ask something good. Howard thought that he was getting a bit annoying but Baba Booey told him to let it go a little longer. Garver gave Rappaport the list of questions and then Rappaport complained that Gary (Dell'Abate) doesn't call him back and he should call once in a while.
Garver and Rappaport got into an argument about who could win in a basketball game. They wanted to set up a game that they could play on the air. Howard said he would do that. Gary wondered if they've changed much since they moved to satellite. Howard said he doesn't think they have, but no one is looking to hear from Michael Rappaport.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he signed on to SIRIUS when he heard that they were going to let the first 1000 new subscribers bang a porn star. Howard said they were just throwing around ideas that day, they haven't lined anything up.
Another caller asked Howard about Beth going to Memphis so Howard spent a minute talking about that. He said that she's doing some promotion for Gillette and that's why she'll be out there. Another caller said that he recently met Artie and Gary at the car show in New York and Artie didn't look all that fat in person. He said that TV must put 20 pounds on him. That led to the guys talking about some of the guys from The Sopranos.
The caller said that he wanted to talk to Gary about something off the air. He started to explain it to Howard but he bailed out and put him on hold.
Artie said that he and Dana did get affectionate. They're not back to any type of sex yet though. He said she's in a cast on crutches and she's not in the mood for that stuff at this point. He said that she said some very nice stuff to him in her letter so things are getting back to normal now. She still wants him to go to therapy and there are still a lot of grey areas in their relationship. He said that her dog was still there and still scheeving him out.
Artie said that he and Dana just kissed, they didn't even really make out. He said they did use tongue though. He said that the shrink thing is still a big part of them getting back together. That led to Howard talking about his back problems and how Dr. Sarno suggested that he go to a shrink to help him with his problems. Howard said he got the number from Dr. Sarno and sat on it for about 5 years before he acted upon it.
Howard said that he was in a really dark place at the time and things weren't going very well for him at the time. He couldn't understand why people enjoyed living. He didn't want to die but he couldn't figure out why people enjoyed life. Now that he's gone to the shrink, he looks forward to every day. He said it took him about 5 years of therapy to get there though.
Howard said that things may have gone differently if he was that way years ago. He now appreciates every day and enjoys life so much now. He didn't know how to explain it any other way. He said that he started to understand things better when he started to go. He said that even though he was on top of the world at the time he wasn't a happy person. Now he is.
Howard said that he felt like he had to be punished for all of the good things that were going on in his life. He said he developed a relationship with the psychiatrist he went to and that really helps a person out. Artie tried out some guys but didn't like the way things went so he stopped going. Robin told him that he has to be good too so things will work out.
Artie asked Howard how long it took before he noticed that things were getting better for him. Howard said it took a long time. Robin said that she remembers when Howard was going 2 times a week and had trouble making the decision to go 3 times a week. Now he's up to 4 times a week. Artie wondered if it's tough to go sometimes. Howard said it is tough sometimes because you feel like you have to come up with a whole agenda.
Artie said that he can just imagine getting better mentally and then he'd be told that he'd have a week left to live after that. Howard said he had thoughts like that himself. He said that he knows what Artie is going through by not calling the shrink.
The therapy discussion eventually turned to Robin's colonic discussion. Howard was also talking about how he quit smoking after getting into Transcendental Meditation. He was smoking 3 packs a day until he did that. He told Artie he might want to try that out as well. Howard told him he doesn't have to sit in a certain position or anything crazy like that. He said that it only takes about an hour to learn it on a weekend so it's not a big time commitment.
Hook Nose Mike called in and said that therapy isn't going to work for Artie because he doesn't want it. He's asking about the time commitment and things like that. Howard said that Mike doesn't know anything, he doesn't care. Mike said that he's been in therapy all his life so he knows. Mariann from Brooklyn called in and tried to give Artie some advice but Artie called her an annoying cunt and told her to mind her own business.
King of All Blacks called in and said that psychiatry is all bullshit. He thinks that Howard got to the point where he enjoys life because he got out of his marriage. Howard said that he got out of marriage and went into a panic so it was a very bad transitional period for him. He said that if he wasn't in therapy, he wouldn't have as good of a relationship with Beth as he does. He didn't know why he was talking to King about this stuff anyway. He had to hang up on him.
Howard told Artie that he's worried about him because he's his ''bro'' and he likes him. He doesn't really care what anyone does. Robin said that she can't see how Artie can't see that there's something wrong with him because there are so many good things going on in his life and he's still miserable. Howard said that his problems didn't have anything to do with his wife even though so many people thought that's what it was.
Jeff the Drunk called back in and said he was thinking about what Howard asked him earlier and he wasn't able to come up with anything positive to say about himself. He told Howard to have a good day. Mariann from Brooklyn called in and called Artie some names and told him to stop crying on the air. Artie said he wasn't crying on the air. Mariann was also saying that his sister asked her to find a nice Italian girl for Artie. She was telling Artie that if he had a nice Sicilian girl, he'd get a blow job every day and a nice meal every night.
Mariann asked if she could roast Artie when they do the roast. Howard told her that if she keeps that up she should be able to do it. Artie said he didn't care either way.
George went through some of the other stuff they'll be covering on Howard 100 News updates throughout the day. Jon Hein was also in to give the Wrap Up Show preview. He mentioned that they'll be talking about the Siobahn thing that went on earlier. They'll also talk about Mark the Bagger and why it's so tough to get him back on the show. Jeff the Drunk's calls will also be discussed.
Ralph called in and asked why Mariann from Brooklyn has a problem with Alexis Stewart because she called her a cunt earlier. Howard said he thinks she's just doing that because of the ''cunty'' comment that Alexis made one time. Howard wrapped up with Jon after that and went to commercial break.
Howard went on to play a new message from Crazy Alice who went off on Robin in her latest voice mail. Robin just laughed as Alice was going off on her. Howard played another message that wasn't making a lot of sense to him. He thought that she was pissed at him but he wasn't even sure about that. He played another one where she went off on Artie as well.
Howard and Artie did their impressions of Alice and had some fun with that. They also played the prank that Sal and Richard did where they called her and threatened to take away her subscription to SIRIUS. Artie did an impression of her in that call and recited some of her lines from that. Howard then played another prank call they made using clips of Alice cursing to call some guy who had no idea what was going on. Howard played yet another prank call that was made using clips of Alice. In that one they called a hair braiding place and had Alice yelling at the woman who answered the phone.
Artie wondered if they could get Alice in there to roast him or something. Howard said that she's kind of like the Incredible Hulk because you have to get her angry before she'll go off on someone. Howard had Robin start her news after the Crazy Alice stuff.
Some people were upset with the fact that Howard's cousin was on the show. There was someone upset that Howard's news department has changed it's format because he can't listen all day to hear bits and pieces of news all day long. Howard read through a bunch of other mail and some people really liked the Kennedy impressions that he and Artie were doing on the show yesterday.
There was someone else who thinks that Howard has to support Artie's movie premiere even though he talked about not going to see it because he's afraid of what might happen if he doesn't like it. Howard said that he was going to say that he likes the movie now, before he's even seen it, just so he can't get in trouble if he doesn't like it. Howard said that the quote he's going to give is that the movie is ''So great I didn't have to see it.'' Artie said that they'll put them in the ads now.
Howard said that Booker called him this weekend and told him that he tried to get Howard into the premiere of the new X-Men movie but he wasn't able to get him in. Howard said that he would have loved to have gone to see the movie and Booker should have called him. He recently complained about Booker never inviting him to anything and this is just another example. Booker told him that the movie was really good too so he was rubbing it in even more by doing that.
Howard is looking forward to the new Superman movie so Robin asked what the story is about. Howard thought it was the story where Superman comes back after he was killed but he's been told he's wrong. Howard said he's really not sure what's going on with the story. Jason came in and told Howard that they're going back and pretending that Superman 3 and 4 didn't take place. Superman goes out and disappears for a few years out in space to think about his life. Jason also said that he's kind of bummed that they go back to when Lois Lane was a kid. He wants to see Superman beating people up, not going back to some bratty kid.
Ralph called in and said that he heard that they're having trouble with Superman's voice in the new movie because he's too girly. Jason also talked about the season finale of Smallville and how great he thought that was. Howard thought it was great as well. They were all talking about how gay the new Superman outfit looks.
Brian Phalen came in and told Howard he thinks that it was Richie Wilson who went down there. Richie came in and said it wasn't him either. He has been going through a bunch of crap lately and did lose some weight but he didn't go to see Dr. Calabro. Richie said he was having problems with his girl and ended up going to therapy. He told Artie that he got the best night of sleep after going to see the therapist. Howard had Robin get back to her news after that.
There was also a story about a friend of Richard's who used to beat off next to him in the same room. Richard said he once went and took a bath and the friend came in and pretended to cum in the bathtub but ended up going in the toilet. Howard told Richard that if a guy can get a full erection in front of another dude like that, and finish, he's gay. Richard said that guy actually taught him how to whack off. He used to have parties where he and his friends would all whack off.
Howard thought that someone teaching him how to masturbate was pretty weird. Richard said the guy was more mature than he was but they were the same age. He described the scene at the masturbation parties and how he was never able to get off in front of a bunch of guys. He said he could only get off in front of the one friend.
Howard took a call from a guy who told Richard that was some gay stuff he was doing. Richard said that he remembers one time that he and his friend whacked off together in a tent but they were talking about hot chicks that they knew in school. Howard remembers a friend of his who wanted to jerk him off one time but he didn't want to do it so it didn't happen. Artie asked Richard if he has ever jerked a guy off with his lips. Richard just laughed.
Will came in and told Howard that Richard used to jerk off in a toy box. Richard told that story and said that he didn't have a lock on his door so he used to crawl into a toy box that was about 4x4. He would leave it in there so the wood was all stained and stuff. His mother actually caught him in there one time but she thought he was doing drugs or something like that.
Richard told another story about his friend who stayed home from school to jerk off. While he was jerking off with his eyes closed, his mother walked in and put a cup of tea on his dresser for him. They still haven't talked about that day as far as Richard knows.
Gary asked her what it would take to get her in there for the Artie roast. Alice said that first of all she doesn't want to fly. Second, she lives in an area where she's afraid that her stuff would be stolen. She's in a bad community and one of her neighbors was just robbed recently.
Robin asked Alice why she doesn't move out of there and that started to get her pissed off. Alice said she's on low income and started yelling at her. She got a little louder for a short time. Gary asked Alice if she could hire someone to watch her stuff for her while she's away. She said that she's got a nice big screen TV and she doesn't even trust her neighbors to watch that stuff. She's been robbed in the past and doesn't want that to happen again.
Crazy Alice ended up yelling at Robin again but she was also laughing while she was doing it. Robin was laughing her ass off as Alice was yelling at her. Howard understood where Alice was coming from as far as not wanting to leave her stuff at home. Alice said it's almost like she's a prisoner in her own home. She's trying to get out of there and has a case worker trying to help her find another place.
Robin asked Alice what she does for a living but she was asking if they could hook her up with a job. Robin said that they could hook her up with a line so she could do a show from her house. They said that they could get her to do the roast from her apartment too. She ended up telling the guys that she actually likes Artie because he reminds her of John Belushi. She said that she'll come visit them sometime as soon as she gets out of that neighborhood. Howard let her go a short time later and had Robin get back to her news.
Howard and the guys were talking about how great Crazy Alice is on the phone. Howard said that they really should hook her up with a radio show. He told Tim Sabean to get right on that. Jeff the Drunk called back in once again and asked why they can't hook him up with a line like they were talking about doing with Alice. Howard told Jeff that maybe he should stop relating everything on the show to him. He told Jeff that she's got something that he doesn't have. Jeff didn't believe that was the case but Howard assured him it was. Howard said that Artie doing an impression of Alice is more entertaining than the real Jeff the Drunk is. Jeff asked Howard to please think about it as Howard was hanging up on him.
Howard wrapped up the show around 11:35am.
Howard started off the morning talking about a news story about two chicks whose boyfriends got turned down on going to the prom because they had a criminal past. He read that it was a Cape Cod teen who had a marijuana arrest and when the girl's parents did some digging, they found out about it. He read another article about this actor Chad Michael Murray who is 21 years old and can't go to the prom with his girlfriend who is only 18 years old. The guys talked about how that guy has already been married and divorced and he's only 21 years old. Howard was surprised that a 21 year old can't date an 18 year old.
Howard said he went to dinner with his movie wife Mary McCormack and her husband last night and they picked up the tab. He told the guys about Mary's husband and how he's got a show that he's producing that will be following ''Desperate Housewives'' next season. Howard said he told the guy that it's almost a guaranteed hit if it's following that show but the guy told him he could be off the air after just one showing.
Howard said the show is going to have Calista Flockhart in it so it will be her return to TV. That led to the guys talking about Calista's past weight loss and how big of a deal that was when she was on TV before.
Howard played Bubba's rap song and said that the opening saxophone riff is the worst thing in the world to him. Howard also had a new version of the song where they had Crazy Alice audio clips in place of Bubba's lines. Robin said that she can rap even better than Bubba. Artie said that a lot of people on the streets have been yelling out Crazy Alice lines to him lately.
Howard took a call from a guy who told Howard about this ''pussy bong'' that Bubba was doing on his show. Howard said he's got something similar coming up on his show but it's an ass bong. Howard didn't hear Bubba's show but he figured that it was a woman pouring a beer in her puss and then squirts it into a guy's mouth. The caller said it sounded pretty crazy. He wasn't sure who the guy was who was drinking the beer though.
Howard said that this girl who is coming in to do the ass bong says that she can inhale pot smoke in her ass and she can blow the smoke out to anyone who wants to take it in. He said they're going to have to use tobacco instead of weed since they're at work. Artie said that Richard's main problem with that is that ti's not weed. Will came in and told the guys that there will be water in her ass as well so she's like the bottom of a bong.
Gary told Howard that the woman doing the ass bong thing is going to ride the Sybian anally before doing her thing. She's going to do that to loosen it up back there. Howard spent a minute talking about how this chick might have found out about her special talent.
Howard told people not to forget that Cabbie is in jail for tax evasion and he should be getting out in July. That led to the guys doing their impressions of Cabbie and wondering what his future will be. They wondered if Cabbie would have a job at the old K-Rock which is now known as Free FM. Howard said since the format has changed over there, he may be renamed ''Gabby'' since it's all talk.
Howard said that he's been getting letters from Cabbie every day but he ends up throwing out the letters because they're all the same thing. He said that Cabbie has renamed himself and he can't wait to tell him what his name is. He said he's not sure where that mail goes before it gets to him so he just shreds it and gets rid of it.
Howard said that even when they get letters from prisoners there at work, he has Gary copy them before giving them to him because he gets crazy from thinking about where they may have been.
Howard took a call from Hook Nose Mike who told him how great the two channels are. He listened yesterday to Howard's show, Bubba's show and Ferrall's show. Howard said he heard the Sex Connection show but there was some guy who was missing from the show. Gary said that guy is no longer with them because he had some problems with his family not liking what he was doing.
Howard asked Mike what he was doing in Tampa. Mike said that he moved down there because the cost of housing is so crazy up in the New York area. He said that he's a dump truck operator down there and he's changed his whole life now. He said he was a warehouse supervisor up there and just moved down to Florida 2 weeks ago. He waited to move until after the film festival. Mike told Howard that people love him down there too.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he likes the new news format. Howard said they're working on changing things around all the time. The guy was kind of upset that the replays aren't working out like they used to but he didn't complain about that too much. They've shifted the time of Howard's show replays and they don't match up to hours like they used to.
Howard played another prank call that Sal and Richard made to a cable access show. Artie said that Jeff Curro is probably upset that he's not taking over the airwaves like Alice is. Howard took a call from Bong Hit Eric who said that he just got back from London where people really love him. He asked Howard what he thinks about the Superman movie that's coming out. Howard said he hopes that it's as good as the first and second Superman movies. Bong Hit told Howard he's opening a new store soon where he'll have comic books and stuff like that. He told Howard he can have anything he wants from the store when it's open.
Another caller asked Howard what he thought of the discussion about putting pop rocks in a woman's vagina. Howard said he doesn't know what that does to a person. Artie said that it can't be good for a person. Another caller said that it wasn't a ''puss bong'' on Bubba's show yesterday, it was a ''puss BOMB.'' Howard said he got confused because of the ass bong thing they're doing on their show.
Another caller used the ''scrabbling'' comment that Siobahn used when she called in yesterday. Howard said they learned a lot of stuff about her fake vagina and how she has to stick a stent in it to keep it open and stuff like that. There was this guy who offered to bang Siobahn yesterday but his wife found out about it. He and his wife are swingers though so they may be flying in to do the show. There was also another guy who was going to bang Siobahn but Gary wasn't able to wake that guy up.
Howard said that he was on Bubba's show yesterday talking about John Stamos' new girlfriend Daniela Urzi. He gave out a web site where they have pictures of her and the site crashed.
Fred said that he's trying to find a book called ''The Last of the Hitlers'' and explained what that was. Howard said he's sorry that he got involved in that conversation because Fred just keeps going on and on. He ended up getting into a discussion about the book and how Hitler had a half brother who moved there to Long Island many years ago and they turned out to be nice people but they all agreed to never have children. There was a half brother and 3 nephews that all moved there. Fred wants to find the book to read more about them.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who claims that he got to go over to John Stamos' mother's house for dinner one time. He had a hot chick with him back then. Howard said that John always has hot chicks around him.
Howard said that Pam Anderson called him this week and asked him to hang out with her. Robin said that means he's not going to bang her once again. He said that she's throwing a party and he's invited. He's waiting for her phone call back to find out where its happening.
Howard said he didn't realize the Rain Forest Concert is coming up this weekend. He'd like to go to it but he's not sure if he'll be able to because Beth is coming home late. Howard said that he just wants to look at Pam. He's not sure he wants to hang out though because she's so sexual and he's not going to be banging her, so it's kind of a waste of time.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he didn't used to like the show but when he heard that he was moving to SIRIUS, he gave the show a try and found out he loves it. Now he's a SIRIUS stock owner. He said he used to listen to Bob and Tom down where he lives. Howard said he got a tape of those guys one time and wasn't able to make it through 10 minutes of the show. Howard told the guy that he sounds kind of like Beth because she didn't like him before she met him either.
Howard told Riley that he's a hit and Tim Sabean will be working with him on a schedule. Tim came in the studio and said that they're getting him on the schedule on a regular basis but they want to put him on later at night. He said that he would like to have Riley come in and do the show from the City for the first couple of months but they'll eventually let him do the show from his home. Riley said that stuff can all be worked out. Howard said of course it can, what else does he have in the works?
Howard did his impression of Riley and goofed on him for a short time. He also played the ''My Name Is... Riley Martin'' song parody and a Riley and Blue Iris having sex bit that the guys created. There was also a ''Riley takes a dump'' bit that Riley said sounded true to form.
Howard told Riley that they're working on putting him into the mix so Riley told him that he won't bother him and take up his time anymore. Riley said that it would be nice if Howard's people would call him and let him know what's going on with the show. Howard told Riley that they just figure he's got nothing going on so he can wait for the phone to ring. He was doing his impression of Riley as he was explaining that to him.
Riley seemed to be getting irritated with Howard but Howard was able to calm him down a bit. Riley said he's never met any aliens that are as interesting as those guys. Howard let Riley go a short time later.
Howard mentioned that golfer John Daly was coming in. He said that there are people out there talking about Daly's claims that he lost $60 million are outrageous. He played a couple of audio clips where people commented on that stuff. Most people don't believe that he could have lost that much money because he hasn't made enough to have lost that much. Howard went to commercial after that.
The guys ended up talking about American Idol after they brought up how Taylor Hicks sang a Bruce Springsteen song and they apparently had to call Bruce to get permission to sing it. They discussed who they think is going home and who sang the best last night.
Robin said that there's an American Idol after show now and they have some old contestants from the show hosting it. Howard said the show sucks and quickly moved on to ask the guys if they think that Randy Jackson has started to get fat again. Robin believes that he has gained a few pounds.
Howard got some e-mail feedback about a comic book character that he mentioned yesterday. It was a character that bounces around like a rubber ball. The e-mailer said that the character was known as ''Bouncing Boy.''
Ralph called in and said that he had some messages that Howard left for him. In one of them Howard left the message as his father and in the other one he was doing his Eric the Midget voice. Ralph said he also had Artie's message which was very short.
Ralph played the message that Howard left as his father. He was commenting on American Idol and Artie said that was pretty embarrassing. In the second message Howard did his Eric the Midget impression and cracked himself up as he was doing it. Howard didn't even say anything, he just made noises as Eric and then started laughing and hung up. Artie was happy that he didn't talk about American Idol in that message.
Eric the Midget called in so Howard put him on the air and started goofing on him immediately. He did his impression and gave his demands where he says that he doesn't want Howard making fun of his voice. Eric also demanded that he not be included in the Wack Pack one time so that got in there.
Artie threw in a comment about the Oakland A's sucking so Eric said ''At least they were in the lead in the beginning...'' Eric then went on to comment on American Idol. He thinks that Catherine McFee was the best of the final three on the show. Robin thought she was horrible.
Howard said that Yamine is out this week and Catherine will win the whole thing. He wanted to end the gay conversation after that but Ralph asked Eric who he thinks is going to win. He already said that he thinks that Catherine will win.
Howard compared Ralph's life to Eric's. They both sit home all day and not do anything. Eric said that he would like to get a job though. Artie said that Eric doesn't pick out shirts for celebrities like Ralph does. Eric told Howard that he's going out to get the tire fixed on his van today so Ralph said that's more than he's planning on doing today.
Howard told the guys that John Stamos was there so he had to get going. Ralph sa