Howard started off the show saying that they shouldn't even be there this morning because it's summer and it's going to be 80 degrees out there. Artie said it's oppressively hot out there and it just doesn't feel right.
Robin told the guys that she almost drowned over the weekend when she fell off her jet ski. She said she had gotten the thing stuck on a sand bar and ended up having to walk back through people's yards to get back home. She went back to get it the next day and ended up trying to hook it up to another boat to tow it out but she fell in the water after it flipped over. She said she was hanging on to the jet ski and realized that it wasn't that deep so she was able to stand up and pull herself up.
Artie hoped that someone had videotaped the incident but Robin said no one was around. Howard wanted Robin to take some swimming lessons because she's not a very good swimmer. She said she has taken them and she can handle herself just fine as long as she's not swimming across a bay or something.
Howard was annoyed with Robin for getting involved in all of that when she has no business being in the water. She said she was just having some fun bringing some friends around. Howard went off on her about that for a short time and really sounded like he didn't want her in the water. He and Fred were goofing on Jackie the Joke Man as well because of the stories he used to tell about going out in the water with his jetty.
Robin said she had used a jet boat to get the jet ski and had to explain to Howard what that was about. Howard said she appears to have no ability to boat since she did crash her full size boat into a couple of other boats when she tried to dock it recently. Now she's gotten her jet ski stuck and flipped over.
Howard said he heard from director Betty Thomas who has a new film coming out. He said he hadn't heard from her in a long time and figures she just contacted him because she's got a new one out. He did get together with her and the movie looks interesting to him. The movie is ''John Tucker Must Die.''
Artie mentioned that he was really tired on Thursday because he was giving a tour to this woman who was there for a tour of the station. He decided to get a room at the Ritz Carlton because that's where his meeting was supposed to be with the guy from FOX, Peter Lagori. He got a room and figured he'd take a 3 hour nap. He slept like a stone for 2 hours and 15 minutes.
Artie got his wake-up call and figured he'd put his head down for just a couple more minutes. He ended up falling asleep until 7:30pm. He was supposed to have a meeting with the guy at like 5:30pm. Artie said he got home and found that he had 17 messages on his answering machine because no one knew where he was since he had gone to the hotel to stay.
Artie said his agent got in touch with him and said that he had the head of FOX's cell phone. Artie called the guy and apologized for the whole thing after explaining to him what had happened. He left the message and checked out from the hotel and ended up spending $678 for the room at the hotel just for taking a nap and losing out on a meeting. He said he saved the bill just in case the guy wants him to prove it. His agent told him the guy liked his story and he is willing to meet with him again some other time.
Howard had some audio from the Best Damn Sports Show where Artie told some stories about how he lost his job at MAD TV years ago. Howard played a couple of clips from that show and then JD came in and told Howard that Artie did something strange on the show. Instead of chugging the drink he had in his hand during that interview, he just sucked it down with the straw. Artie said that's the way he drinks. He said he thinks he can get the buzz quicker if he drinks it with the straw.
Howard brought up the Jack Daniels company because he read how popular they are. Last year they sold 7.5 million cases and they expect to sell 10 million this year. He read an article about the guy who brews the booze. Artie said that they made him a Squire because he's talked so much about the drink on the air.
Gary said that Eddie is very scattered as far as his views and thoughts go. Howard said that Eddie told him he doesn't like doing interviews and he knows that he's not good. They had him on the show one time and he was all over the studio and not playing much. He wouldn't stay on mic and only played like one note on his guitar.
Howard said Eddie was telling him that he played with this guy Kenny Chesney and the crowd of about 75,000 went nuts when he got up and played. He said he's not even sure what Eddie was talking about but he thinks that they're supposed to call him at 6:30 this morning. He's really not sure what Eddie wants them to do after those messages he got from Eddie.
Howard said he thinks that Eddie's last message said that he wanted to come on the air. Gary said he was going to go give him a call and see what's going on. He came back a short time later and said that they had to leave a message. Howard was pretty sure he wasn't going to call in. He told Gary to give him one more call and then leave him alone because he's really not sure if he wanted to come on.
Artie said he was pretty drunk toward the end of the interview. In one clip there was name of a woman brought up that sounded like Lisa Dergan Podsednik. That got Howard talking about how he and Beth have talked about what they would do if they got married as far as names. Howard said he told Beth that she would be simply Beth Stern and wouldn't use her Ostrosky last name. Robin figures that he and Beth must be thinking about getting married if they're talking about names like that. Howard said Beth told him that they could never get married because Robin would never stop making fun of them.
Howard talked about his dumps and how proud he is when he takes a big one. He also said he had a nightmare about going to take a dump in a filthy bathroom. He said he had a guy in the stall next to him and Gary was talking to him. Then he pulled shit out of his ass with his hand and flung it around. He was playing the part of Jesus in a movie and had a really long beard in this dream of his. Then this woman walked up to him and told him that he had really nice tan lines and that was the end of the dream. Robin said she's never heard of shit dreams like that.
Gary said he was having some crazy pains over the weekend and felt like he had something swimming back and forth in his penis. He had to go to the doctor and found out that he had probably passed a stone. Gary changed subjects and asked Howard if he wanted to see pictures of that woman Lisa Dergan Podsednik that was mentioned in the Best Damn Sports Show clip. Howard said she's gorgeous. They spent a minute admiring her pictures before moving on.
The caller said that his mother is willing to lick her ass but she told him that he'd have to go first to clean it out for her. Gary said they couldn't get the guy ten grand but they could get him $500 if his mother rides the Sybian. The guy said that might happen but then said that it wasn't enough money. Gary said they could give them each $500 but then the guy was asking for tickets out there to New York from Pittsburgh and Cleveland.
Gary said that someone else will hear this story and get out there themselves so they don't really need to get this guy on the show. Howard put him on hold and said that maybe they'll talk to him and try to make it happen.
Howard said he had Johnny Fratto on the phone. He took the call and Johnny said that his company will put up $4,000 to get that guy and his mother to come in and lick Siobhan's ass. That would bring the number up to $5,000 if they threw in that $1,000 that they had just mentioned.
Johnny said that his son showed him an episode of Howard TV where they used a jar of his spaghetti sauce. He thought that was better than the episode of Entourage where they used the sauce. Johnny was also asking Howard about this guy who used to work with Tiny Tim who is just as crazy, or crazier, than Elegant Elliot Offen.
Howard heard these stories and said they really should give Johnny a show at SIRIUS because he's got some great stories. Johnny said he'd love to do a show there. Howard told him that Riley Martin has been giving them a hard time so they could replace his show with Johnny's show if Riley doesn't work things out.
Johnny said he knows of another guy who is just as crazy as Riley is as far as the alien thing and it's his son. Howard told Johnny he'll talk to Tim Sabean and try to get him a show there at SIRIUS.
Johnny told Howard another story about his father, who was the head of the mob out in the mid-west many years ago. He told a story about stealing a credit card and buying a bunch of banana trees for some guy who thought someone was trying to send him a message by sending him the trees. Johnny told another story but Howard told him to save those stories for his radio show.
Johnny also had another story about a woman who claims that she was dating Dave Navarro. He said the story was so unbelievable that he wasn't sure that it was true or not. He said that she was attractive but she was no Carmen Electra. Howard didn't want him to give out her name on the air so he put him on hold to tell Gary the information.
Howard said he had to take a break but Artie told him about taking this guy to a Yankee game last week. The guy was the person who gave him the case of Devil Dogs. He said the guy turned out to be a huge Mets fan and had a big Mets tattoo on his arm. He said the guy was kind of afraid that he was going to get mad at him and he was right. Artie said he was kind of mad at him for being a big Mets fan but he let him come to the game anyway.
The guys spent a few minutes talking about the Yankees and Mets but Howard didn't want to spend too much time on that because they're not WFAN (a local sports radio station). Gary is a huge Mets fan and Artie is a huge Yankees fan so they argue about who's better. Howard went to commercial after playing a Richard Christy prank call to a cable access show where he brings up the Yankees and says he's yanking on his cock and keeps calling the guy.
Howard mentioned Crazy Cabbie's visit last week and said he spoke to him Thursday night and heard about his meeting with Tom Chiusano from their old station. Cabbie stayed busy on his first day out of jail. Some people didn't think his interview was all that interesting so they left some voice mail about that. He played one guy complaining about Cabbie and then read some e-mail about that interview. Some people liked Cabbie and were happy he was out but others said they couldn't stand him. Some people were saying they'd cancel their subscriptions if Cabbie became a regular on the show.
Howard said the mail about Cabbie went on and on and on. He had some people saying they would cancel their subscriptions and others who said they should hire him immediately. Howard said he heard from Tom Chiusano and he believes they're going to hire Cabbie over there at their old radio station. Robin wondered what kind of show they'd give Cabbie. Howard said he's pretty sure it would be a talk show since they are ''FreeFM'' now.
Howard said that Riley has walked off the show and he won't come back until he gets $5 million to do his show. Howard said that's where they stand at this point but they did get a note from Riley's producer Curtis who says he is refusing to drive into the city. Curtis says that they can do the show without Riley and talk about him during the show. Howard said that idea sounds insane to him and he's pretty sure they'll never get Riley the money he's looking for.
Howard thinks they're going to play a rerun of a Riley show this week since he won't show up. He had Riley on the phone and did his impression of Riley for Riley. Riley told Howard that maybe he should go on and do an hour long show doing an impression of him. He was also saying that Tim offered him the same money he's been getting paid and he still hasn't been owed the money he's owed. He complained that they hadn't paid his people yet either.
Artie asked Riley what kind of money Robin must be making if he wants to get paid $5 million a year. Riley said that doesn't matter to him. Tim Sabean came in and told Riley that his people just submitted their invoices last week so they should get paid this week.
Riley claims that he never demanded $5 million, he just wanted something to live on instead of the $300 a week that they're offering him. Tim said they've offered him $250 to do an hour long show every other week. That's pretty generous according to Tim. Artie said that there has never been such a large discrepancy in pay like this and Tim doesn't seem to have a sense of humor in the whole thing.
Riley said he would do about 4 shows a year with the schedule they have there so it's not enough money for him. Howard asked Riley if he's ever gotten $300 an hour in any job he's done in his life. Riley said they're a multi-billion dollar corporation and they just have to do the right thing and come up with more money. Riley said that it costs him $100 to come into the city when he does the show so the $325 that Howard was offering him still wasn't enough for him. Gary told Riley that he could park in the city for free but Riley didn't want to hear it.
Riley said that he would like to do a show this week but he will not do it if they do not come through for him. Riley said his people know that they can hear him even if he's not on Howard 101. He told Howard that if he wants him to do the show he should pay him what he pays his driver every year and he's probably be happy. The guys pointed out to him that the driver works a lot more than 2 hours a month. Tim said that the pay is what it is and they really can't do what he wants.
Riley keeps bringing up the stuff that other people have done on the show and the kind of money they get paid. Riley was saying that they can't take his old shows and replay them because they have not paid him for them. Tim said that he did sign a release so they can replay them if they want. He was threatening to get a lawyer to talk about what he can do to stop them from playing the shows.
Riley said that he will no be doing his show tomorrow if they're only going to pay him $300 for that. He said he will not forget them and they are not the only outlet on the face of the Earth and he will not forget them for what they've done to him. He called them evil for what they've done. Howard said that they offered him a job and he's calling them evil.
Tim said that he will call Riley at the end of the day to find out what his final decision is. Riley said that he believes that he can triple the audience he has now over the next few months and if he doesn't, he will quit. Riley said he just wants a livable salary for him and his people. Howard told Riley that it doesn't seem that things are going to work out then.
Riley said that it has been a marvelous experience working for them and their money grubbing people. He said he just wants a decent salary to keep doing the show. Tim said the fans are going to be let down and he's very sorry that it's going down this way. Tim told Riley that there aren't many shows out there that pay $300 an hour. Riley brought up Howard's salary and said he could pay him off of the interest made on that and he'd be happy. Howard told him to stop bringing up his money and leave that out of the whole thing. Riley was saying it was typical Jewish money grubbing so Howard went off on him saying that his salary has nothing to do with what SIRIUS can pay Riley.
Howard told Riley he doesn't need him on his channel there at SIRIUS. Riley told him to go right ahead and go back to doing what he does then. Howard took a call from a guy who told Riley that Howard is not the one who pays the checks and it's just an hour of work. Riley said he doesn't care who is paying the money, Howard is SIRIUS satellite radio. He also thinks that Howard wanted his show to fail and now he's jealous that it's been a success. Howard told him he's not getting ratings so he doesn't know that it's a hit. The caller told Riley about the $6 an hour job he has and tried to keep Riley on board.
Riley kept bringing up Howard's money but Howard kept telling him he isn't in charge of paying him and he can't do anything about that. Riley was making it sound like he has other job offers but no one else is paying him. Artie told Riley that if he wants to get paid more, he has to find someone else willing to pay him and then battle it out between the two entities.
Another caller told Howard that Riley should have called his book ''The Coming of Scam'' instead of ''The Coming of Tan.'' Howard said that he's not going to pay Riley a dime like he seems to want. Riley said he doesn't care where the money comes from, he just wants to get paid. Robin told Riley he should go to network television if he doesn't want to do this on satellite.
Howard took a call from a Riley Martin sound board guy. He had Riley and Riley talking to each other for a short time. He told Riley that it's fun to hear him doing his show but no one believes that he's gone up in a space ship and they all know that it's shtick. He said that if he was really up in this ship he would be selling the technology to someone instead of doing a radio show about it. He said it sounds ridiculous to talk about these aliens and their civilizations.
Siobhan the transsexual called in and said she'd do a show herself and talk about the aliens she's seen. Howard said he was going to have Tim call Riley at the end of today and give him their final offer. Riley said there is no way he's driving into the city for two or three hundred bucks. He is willing to work out of his house for that money but he won't drive into the city. Howard said that this job is 2 hours a month and it doesn't make any sense that he went out into space but he won't drive into the city.
Howard said that no one there wants to see him do badly, they enjoy his show and they have advertisers so they can offer him the job at that pay. Robin said that Riley begged for that job and now he's saying they're not paying him enough. She told him he was a stupid asshole and that he was the one who begged for the job through Howard.
Howard said the money he earns is his and it has nothing to do with what other people get paid. He said he will talk to Tim about this and try to help him out but if things don't work out, that's it, no hard feelings. Riley said that he wishes them luck and he loves the show. He thinks that he would be a valuable asset to the show and he would like to be part of it.
Tim said that he will call Riley later today. He said he loves the guy and he is fun to work with so he'd hate to lose him. He said he does seem to get a bit irrational when he's on the phone though. Howard told Tim to see what he can do and fill that hour with something else if things don't work out.
Sal the Stockbroker came in and said that Bob will be doing the Miserable Men show tonight and he's getting over the way they treated him. He was upset with the way he was treated and thought that they were damaging his career. Ronnie came in and said that he felt really bad and had a discussion with Bob after the show. He said he told Bob that everyone takes a lot of heat there on the show. Ronnie said Bob told him he gets paid to be on the show and take all of that shit. Ronnie said he felt bad for him but then thought that he probably sold out all of his shows that were plugged. Artie said Bob is the leader of the roasts so he should have a thick skin.
Jeff said he can't even get a job at Wal-Mart as a greeter. Fred said it's usually retarded people who do that job at Wal-Mart. Robin said that they also collect the carts at the stores. Artie said that Jeff is embarrassing himself asking for a job like that.
Jason told Jeff that they can't give him a job and then Jeff got pissed and said that he would never do the show again and hung up on him.
Gary came in and said that they have to get Jeff on the phone because he heard that he had a run in with the law over the weekend. Howard got a little sidetracked and said that Mel Gibson got arrested for drunken driving over the weekend and showed how anti-Semitic he is when he was asking the cops if they're Jews and going off on the Jews during the arrest.
Howard played another clip where Jeff the Drunk called Jason back and talked about how he's part of the Howard Stern World and he thinks that he should have a job there. Jason asked him what he wants to be paid for. He told Jeff he's got that music career going. Jeff said that's going nowhere. Jeff told Jason that his qualifications are that he's a drunk and he falls down so that's why he should have a job there. Jason asked Jeff what he thinks is owed to him just for coming on the show. Jeff said he wants a life... and hung up.
Jeff was on the phone so Howard asked him what happened over the weekend. Jeff said that he got pulled over and got another DUI arrest. He's going to lose his license once again and he has to go to court on the 10th of August. Howard said that means he has no chance of getting a job now. Artie asked him if he thinks he's going down in a downward spiral now that his mother is gone and he's not going to have his license. Artie told Jeff he's got to act like a man as he was doing his Godfather movie impressions. He told Jeff his mother would want him to go on and get a life.
Jeff said he was out at a friend's house drinking on Saturday night and ended up getting pulled over. He had a .11 blood alcohol level. Howard said Mel Gibson was also a .11 from what he read. Jeff said he has never had a DUI in the past... He said the charges were dropped on the DUI he was charged with in the past. Robin asked Jeff why he lost his license before. Artie remembered the story and said that Jeff lost it for reckless driving after he went through a corn field.
Howard asked Jeff how long he was in jail. Jeff mentioned that he was fingerprinted but it was hard to hear him over Artie's hysterical laughter. The guys think that Jeff might be happy that someone is paying attention to him now that his mother is gone. Jeff said they kept him in jail for about an hour as they did paperwork and then drove him home. Howard thought that was nice of them to do something like that for him.
Howard told Jeff he has to pull himself together. Artie said even he's saying that he needs help. Artie has thought about trying to employ some of these fans but he's not sure what he could do to help. He doesn't know what kind of skills they have. Howard asked Jeff if he goes on job interviews wearing that dirty cowboy hat with his arm in his dirty sling. Artie was goofing on him so he wasn't able to get in an answer.
Artie was getting the feeling that Jeff wanted to get paid to make calls like this to the show. Howard took a call from Nicole Bass who said that she wasn't asking for charity, she just came to her wits end and didn't know what to do. She said she spoke to Wayne Siegel who offered her a job. She said that she has left that up in the air at this point. She's thinking about going out and becoming a trainer on her own since she got so many offers to do that for some clubs.
Howard wished Nicole luck with all of her job offers and let her go. He said that after Nicole was in last week the guys had her recording ''Macho Man'' so he played some of that. The guys got back to Jeff and Artie offered to pay him to do something. He said that maybe he could do some promotional work for the movie he's got coming out. Jeff said he could do that. Howard said he could take those fliers and throw them in the garbage and then take the money to get drunk. Robin thinks he should have to wear a sandwich board so people will see him walking around.
Artie said this will be like a bit for the show and they can see how much he can fuck it up. He said it'll just be a couple of weekends in a row and then it's over. Artie said he'll probably have to hire a car for Jeff to get to the bars and stuff. He said he'll talk to him in the next couple of days. Howard said Artie is in for a big headache with that stuff. He figures Jeff will get pissed at him for some reason and he'll call up like Riley Martin.
Yucko the Clown called in and said he's sick of all of these people calling in and asking for jobs. He was saying that he never asks for anything but then jokingly asked for some concert tickets. Jeff said that he needs some money to get his car out of impound because it's going to end up costing him a lot of money if it stays in there until Thursday when he gets his SSI check. Howard told Jeff he had to get going because his head was going to explode from his problems.
Howard played a classic song that they recorded at K-Rock called ''50 Ways To Destroy Saddam.'' He played some of the song and wondered what he was thinking when he wrote it. He said he now realizes that Saddam Hussein was the only person who could keep that country in control. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard brought up the lawsuit that Meatloaf has going on about the Bat Out of Hell trademark. He owns the trademark in just about the whole world, except here in the U.S. Meatloaf said that the trademark attorney's here in the U.S. didn't submit the paperwork correctly and they forgot to send it back in corrected so he lost the trademark to someone else. That someone else is a friend of Meatloaf's and he said he's still friends with him even thought they have this lawsuit.
Howard said that they threw some throw pillows on the couch in the studio and no one knows what to do with them. Meatloaf was sitting on them. Howard changed subjects and said that Meatloaf has another album coming out this year called ''Bat Out Of Hell III.'' He wondered if he can call it Bat Out of Hell if he doesn't own the trademark. Meatloaf said that this guy Jim Steinman owns the trademark so he gets some of the money, the record company gets some of it and he doesn't get much at all. He said that artists these days should try to get all of their money up front so they don't get screwed like he has.
Meatloaf explained to Howard how he thinks the record industry works. He said that the record company may owe an artist $30 million so you go out and hire a lawyer, pay him $100,000 and that guy comes back and says you can get $10 million without a fight so you take it. Meanwhile the record company holds on to that extra $20 million and doesn't give it to the artist.
Howard asked Meatloaf what he's been up to lately. He said he shot a movie this week and ended up almost getting killed because he had to condense his 22 pages of script into one day of shooting because the schedules got so screwed up. He said it was a crazy day of shooting those 22 pages.
Howard asked Meatloaf about his life. Meatloaf said he's got a fiancee right now but the wife that Howard saw is no longer with him. He said that she just started to float above the bed one day and it was like the exorcist at that point. They ended up getting divorced but the pre-nup they had ran out at 10 years and they were together at 20 years. He said that he made the play that what he had before they were married was his so he got to keep what he had before they did get married.
Meatloaf said that he met this new woman down in Barbados. She's 12 years younger than he is. That led to them talking about Meatloaf's daughters who are pretty hot according to Howard. Meatloaf said his one daughter, Pearl, is engaged to Scott Ian who is on a VH-1 show that no one seemed to know the name of.
Howard spoke to Meatloaf about his upbringing and how his father was a drunk. He lost his mother when he was only 16 and actually tried to drag her out of her coffin at the funeral. He said he doesn't remember doing it himself but other people told him that's what happened.
Meatloaf was getting kind of upset talking about his mother so Howard moved on to his father instead. Meatloaf said he passed away 4 years after his mother did. He said he really doesn't have any bitterness toward his father. He said his father was proud of him even back before he was a really big star.
Howard thought that Meatloaf had said something about knowing who killed John F. Kennedy. Meatloaf said that's not quite the case. He explained how he was about 14 at the time but he had his driver's license because his mother was sick back then and he needed to get around. He said they all got out of school and went to see where Kennedy was driving through. He said that they got to see Kennedy up close that day before he went on his final drive. Meatloaf heard a conversation between a cop and another guy who asked the cop what he would do if he had a gun. The cop said something about how he wouldn't do anything as long as he didn't take it out. Meatloaf said he thought that was kind of odd but they just kept going.
Meatloaf said they went to a bowling alley and when they got there they heard that the President had been shot. They hopped in their car and headed down to see what was going on. As they were on their way a guy claiming to be from the Secret Service stopped them and took their car to the hospital. They were told not to get out of the car so they just sat there and waited. They were actually there at the hospital before Kennedy's car got there.
Howard thought that Meatloaf had said he knew something that he wasn't telling them. Meatloaf said he did go to someone's house, whose name he will not mention, and he was told not to ever ask about who actually show JFK. He said the guy told him that and it scared the hell out of him so he stopped asking about it. So there was nothing to the story at all.
Howard asked Meatloaf about the famous chicks that he's dated in his career. He said that he once dated Beverly D'Angelo and a bunch of soap stars in New York City. He also talked about how fat he was back when he was in school and how other kids parents wouldn't let him play with their kids because he was so big. Howard thought that was pretty terrible. He wondered if Meatloaf had gone to psychotherapy for that. He said he got very depressed over the years and almost killed himself. He was on a ledge on 77th street and almost jumped but he doesn't even remember that. He said he was in a very deep depression at the time and he was probably thinking that he didn't deserve all of the success he was having.
Robin asked Meatloaf when he changed his name and why. Howard heard he hated his real name so he changed it. Meatloaf said his real name was Marvin and back in the 70s there was a Levi's commercial where they said something about ''poor fat Marvin can't wear Levi's'' which really bummed him out. He spent a short time on that and then Howard brought up this new album ''Bat Out Of Hell III'' that's due out on Halloween of this year.
Howard asked Meatloaf about the performance he did with Katherine McPhee on American Idol. He said his monitor was off for the first three lines of the song so that's why he sounded so bad that night. He was already freaking out about going out on stage and when he finally got out there, the music wasn't coming through his monitor. He said he's not sure how those kids can perform out there because the monitor system they had that night was awful. He said he ended up getting screwed up by a beat or two and tried to catch up. He eventually got the music on and things were fine after that.
Meatloaf said that Katherine didn't seem to get the song when they were performing it and she broke the moment when she sang to the camera instead of with him. He said if they were on Leno and she did something like that, he would have spun her around to make her look at him while she sang.
Howard didn't have a copy of Meatloaf's CD yet so he asked Gary where that was at. Gary said that his people had just given it to him at that moment so he brought it in for him. Fred played a Baba Booey song parody that Meatloaf tried to sing along with. Howard then took a call from Irish John who asked Meatloaf what it is that he won't do in the song where he sings about he will do ''anything for love but I won't do that.'' Meatloaf explained what he was singing about but there was no definitive answer. He said it's just a line in the song, there is no answer. It's not about sex. Robin said she figured it out and said that it was about the way he was dreaming about the woman he's singing to in the song. Meatloaf said she was correct.
Gary said he saw in the notes that KD Lang once refused to meet with Meatloaf because she's a vegetarian and doesn't like his name. Meatloaf said that's true and he once saw her in a restaurant and asked someone to talk to her for him before he went over to her. He said the record company guy went over for him and tried to set up a meeting. That's when he heard that she didn't want to meet him because of his name. That's when he realized how this world is very strange.
Howard played a track off of Meatloaf's unreleased album ''Bat Out Of Hell III.'' Howard said he was liking the song and said that he wasn't expecting that from him. He said he was expecting some bullshit song from him but it was very good. Howard played another track, ''Land of the Pigs,'' that was a Jim Steinman song.
Jeff the Drunk called in and asked if he's ever had a threesome. Meatloaf said he has had a couple of women at one time... four to be exact. He said they actually chanted ''Meat's our man, Meat's our man'' that night. He said he wasn't kidding about that either.
Howard heard that Penny Crone was a big fan of Meatloaf's and she got all dressed up for him today. She came in and talked about how big of a fan she was. Howard said she was showing her tits in the outfit she was wearing too. Robin asked ''That's dressing up?'' and Meatloaf said that's exactly what he was thinking but didn't want to say anything because he doesn't know how she dresses usually. Penny asked for a hug from Meatloaf and he gave her one. Howard brought up how Penny has blown a lot of cops and fire fighters in her life and asked her if she would blow Meatloaf right now. She said she will not do that anymore.
Howard let Penny go and played some more of Meatloaf's CD. Meatloaf explained how he had come up with this song ''Itís All Coming Back To Me Now'' years ago but the song was sold to Celine Dion and she put it out. Now he's taken the song and recorded it himself doing a duet with Marion Raven. Howard played some of that song and said that he thinks it sounds great. The guys liked it a lot more than the Celine Dion cover of the song.
Howard and Meatloaf talked about the last time they saw each other and how Howard was working in a real dump back then. Howard said he saw Meatloaf back about 9 years go at a party that was at Russell Crowe's house. He said that Mary McCormack had invited him to that party and he was very happy when he saw Meatloaf hanging out there. Then Russell Crowe brought him up to his room to play him a song from his album. Howard said he just looked down at the floor while he played the song and then ran out of there. He said the guy was a nice guy but he had to get out of there. Meatloaf said Crowe was very nice to him as well and kept asking him if he needed anything to drink or eat the whole time. Howard wrapped up the interview and went to break a short time later.
Howard had a voice mail that Eric the Midget left for them but he had to bring in Steve Langford and Jon Hein with their show previews. Howard wondered where George Flowers had been over the past week or so. Some people thought he was having voice problems but Steve said that he knows he's been working in the afternoons because Ralph Howard is out on vacation.
Steve said they have a story about Joey Boots and Shuli's ''date'' that they had over the weekend. They will also have an exclusive with a fan who saw Henry Hill living out on the streets of Marina Del Ray, California. Steve said there's also a taping of ''Kill or Be Killed'' being recorded down at Caroline's on Broadway today. They'll be talking to the new guy who is in charge of the 23,000 hours of classic tapes that Howard just got a hold of recently.
Howard brought up how they have some promos based on the classic tapes that they've been playing on the channels there. Gary said he'd try to find them so Howard could play them. Jon Hein told the guys what they were planning for the Wrap Up Show today. He said they'll be talking about Meatloaf's interview and what went on during that. Jon said he didn't particularly like the new album. Howard took a call from a guy who said that today has been like a bunch of millionaires complaining about shit. He mentioned Robin talking about crashing her boat, Artie missing his meeting with the head of FOX, Howard complaining about his dreams and then Meatloaf complaining about stuff and not talking about anything good.
Jon said that they're going to talk about the Eddie Van Halen call that almost happened but didn't happen. Gary spoke to Eddie so he came in and said that he may call back in a week or so to talk about the stuff he wanted to talk about. Gary said he's not even sure what the guy wants to talk about but he may call back to explain it all.
Since the guys were talking about Eddie Van Halen, they got into a discussion about the greatest rock guitar players of all time. Jon Hein mentioned names like Eric Clapton, Jimi Hendrix and Steve Vai as well as Eddie's name. The guys were all throwing names out there but Howard didn't agree with them about most of the names that were mentioned. As usual it was Howard's view or nothing. The guys threw in a ton of great guitar players but Howard would not put their names on this imaginary list of his. He argued against many guitarists saying that they might be good but they don't belong on the top of the list. Ralph called in and threw in a few more names but Howard told him that what he says goes and hung up on him.
Artie remembered that day because he had only been on the show for a couple of months and they had Ozzy Osbourne and Paul McCartney on the show on the same day.
Howard played a voice mail that Eric the Midget left for them recently. Eric said he got an invitation to go to an event where he got to meet Hulk Hogan and his daughter so he doesn't need the show to get to meet famous people. He said he can do all of that on his own. Howard said that kid is a real ingrate after all of that stuff that they've done for him. Eric said he's going to meet Kelly Clarkson without Howard's help so Gary said he's going to call her people and tell them not to let him meet her.
Jon Hein wasn't done with his show preview so Howard let him finish that up. Jon mentioned a couple more things they'll be discussing. Howard told him he might want to talk about how Artie went to the vending machine and when it didn't work he was trying to hot wire the machine himself.
Gary told Howard that Meatloaf got held up by Penny Crone when he was trying leave. She was telling him about her three Emmy awards and telling him how important she was while he was trying to get out of there. Gary thinks he was kind of bummed out by that whole thing.
Howard read a note about Trent Tomlinson who was on the show recently. His album sales have shot up quite a bit since being on the show. He talked about the whole anti-Semitic Mel Gibson for a couple of minutes. Howard also played an audio clip of John Stamos asking an entertainment reporter if she was wearing a bra during an interview. He said that's not the right move for him to make.
Howard said he got a note from Captain Janks who wants to play Stump the Booey against Gary because he needs the money. Howard read another note about how their Howard TV shows are going high def any day now. Howard thought they were already in HD but Doug Goodstein came in and said that they're going to be sending one show to the cable operators in HD since most cable operators can't handle that much HD. They can only handle about 1 episode a week at this point.
Since Sal was in Howard asked him about a stalking charge that he had against him because he was going after Marissa Tomei at one point. Sal said he used to masturbate to her years ago. He said he got her number back when she was looking a little ratty with her blonde hair and her lawyers traced the call and said that if he ever calls again they were going to have him arrested.
Shuli came in and said a friend of Sal's told him that story. Howard asked Sal why he would care about something like that and call the woman to let her know. Sal said he thought that he was helping her out by giving her that advice. Sal said he got in a lot of trouble for that call because he got her number through the stock trading firm he was working for. Shuli said it's weird because that's the same kind of advice Sal tries to give to Howard.
Gary said that Sal was also a stalker of Ace Freyley's and went through all of their releases to find his home phone number so he could call him. Sal said he didn't go that far and didn't call him. Gary said that's just because they told him not to call the guy.
Sal told Howard he saw a picture of him out at a movie premiere and he wanted to give him some advice for the shirts he wears. Howard didn't want to hear that from him and told him to get the fuck out of the studio before he threw something at him. He said that Sal is so gay. Artie said he couldn't even look at Sal when he brought that shit up.
Howard played some audio clips from the Girls of Spike TV show where Beth was featured. They interviewed a bunch of the guys from the show and they gave their thoughts on her. In one clip Beth talks about the time she got a massage and the woman massaging her got a little close to her private parts. That led to Howard talking about his own massage stories and how he's never had an experience like that even though he wouldn't mind it. He said he would love to see Beth with another woman but not all that deep into it.
Benjy asked Howard what he would have done if his masseuse had tried to give him a hand job. Howard said he would probably let her do it and just not tell Beth about it. He said he's waiting for the day that it actually does happen. Howard had Robin start her news around 10:50am.
Howard took a call from a guy who said there's no way that Howard and Artie liked the Meatloaf songs that they said they liked earlier. Howard and Artie both said that they actually did like the songs, they weren't lying. The caller was convinced that they had lied and it sounded forced to him. Howard swore he liked the song and so did Artie. Fred said he thought the first song blew but the duet was okay. He said they've gone too far with doing a Bat Out of Hell III album because they're just dragging it out. He thinks he'll have a hit song with the duet though.
Another caller asked Howard what his problem is with Mel Gibson. Howard said he doesn't like the guy because he's a liar. If he hates the Jews he should just come out and say it instead of trying to cover it up. He said he kind of likes that we know where Gibson is at now that he's come out and talked about the Jews when he got arrested over the weekend. The caller was also asking Howard about his thoughts on Saddam Hussein from earlier in the show. Howard said that the guy is evil but he's apparently the only person who can control the people in that country. The caller sounded like he had run out of steam by that point.
Another caller told Howard that this guy Rover, who took over for Howard in a few markets in the Mid-West, was done in Chicago as of today. He said that they're replacing the guy with the Opie and Anthony show. Howard said he heard from Ross Zapin that Opie and Anthony were going to be on Letterman at the end of August. He already knew about it and said that he heard from some people at Letterman who were apparently being pressured by a certain someone at CBS to put them on, and they were wondering if he wanted them to put a stop to it. Howard said he doesn't care and he will still do Letterman's show even if they have those guys on.
Howard said he loves it on satellite radio and he wants to keep doing that to make his money. He doesn't want to go back there ever again and he doesn't care what goes on there in the meantime.
Robin got back to her news and finished up and Howard ended the show around 11:40am.
Howard started off the show listening to a news report about XM satellite's financial earnings. Then he said that he was really wiped out from not getting any sleep last night. He said he had to take some Ambien to get a few hours of sleep. He said he took the Ambien at around midnight and he was still feeling the effects because you're supposed to sleep at least 6 hours after taking it.
Howard said he's been thinking about chess a lot lately because he's been playing and it just keeps running through his head. Artie said there was a guy he knew who played chess and the guy was like a genius at the game and he would hustle people and win a lot of money playing it. Howard said he loves the game but he's not real good at it. He said he tried playing against his friend Pat and they were pretty evenly matched so they had some good games.
Howard said he went out to dinner with his daughter and didn't get home from that until about 8:30 last night. He said that gets him pretty charged up from hanging out with his daughter. He can't fall asleep after something like that so that's why he had so much trouble last night.
Howard said he ran into Fred on the street last night and he thinks that Fred didn't recognize his daughter. Fred said that she changed so much that he didn't recognize her right away. Howard said Fred was a big sweaty mess on the street. He had just come from the gym so he was a mess out in the heat. Fred said he's been studying boxing lately so he was a mess.
Fred said he's been staying in a hotel lately because he's having some work done on his apartment in the city. He said they just renovated the apartment about 5 years ago but they realized they need more of a defined kitchen so that's what they're having done. He said it's costing him a fortune to stay in the hotel. He said he's been checking in on Sunday nights and checks out on Thursdays so he can go out to Long Island.
Howard said he has rooms for his kids and Beth at his place. He said he wanted to take down one wall and paint a little bit in the apartment and this guy wanted like $700,000 to do that. He said the contractor told him he wanted $25,000 for painting alone. Robin thought that was nuts. Howard said this guy told him that the painter's fingers bleed when he paints. Howard told the guy to fuck that and hired a guy to do the job for $1,000. This was just one wall in the apartment that he wanted to take down and the guy wanted that much money.
Howard said that Fred was pretty pumped up from his boxing last night. He was wearing shorts and a t-shirt when he saw them but Howard said he didn't notice. Fred said he saw Howard's daughter about a year and a half ago and she looks completely different than she did back then.
Howard and Artie talked about Ambien and what it does to them when they take it. Howard said he hasn't been using it much lately because he's been able to sleep. He said the thing he loves about it is that all of his thoughts just go away at some point. Artie said that he likes that he has the thoughts but he stops giving a fuck about them. Howard said Gary told him to do a show about the drug where they take it and try not to fall asleep on the air. He said that would be too tough for him.
Robin said Mr. X once took two Ambien's when they took a flight out to California one time and he was really wasted by the time they landed. Howard said they should find out if Bubba has ever done an Ambien radio show. Robin said she's pretty sure he would never do something like that on his show. He's got rules about that kind of thing.
Artie said he was introduced to Ambien when he was in jail in the psych ward. That was the way they got high in there.
Howard said that Richard did a phony phone call with Wendy the Retard that's really good. Robin said that's good because it might redeem him from his stand-up comedy that she saw yesterday. She said she was judging a comedy contest yesterday and Richard did some of his material there.
Artie said that Richard is still starting out with comedy so he still needs some time to work that stuff out. He said that Richard doesn't realize how he's still starting out. Richard gets pissed off when Artie talked about him like that but they're just trying to tell him the truth.
Richard said he goes to some clubs where people don't know who he is and sometimes he does well, sometimes he doesn't. Robin said she thinks that the crowd knew Richard so they were laughing at him because of who he was at the show yesterday. He doesn't seem to know what's funny and what's not from what she could tell. She said that Artie scribbled a note on his paper where he gave Richard a zero. She said he actually deserved a 1.
Artie said he likes this game that Sal came up with called ''Kill or Be Killed'' but the judges aren't sure what to do because Sal never explained it to them. He said that the judges should have a say in who advances to the second round instead of leaving it up to the crowd.
Howard asked when the show is supposed to air but Artie had no idea. He said he hasn't seen Richard's comedy yet but he hopes to see it some day. Robin said that Richard walks around like he's got some material and he really doesn't. Richard said he's got some good material. Howard found out that ''Kill or Be Killed'' will air Monday, August 7th at 7pm.
Howard told Richard to work up some other material after he heard about one of the bits he does where he pretends to get turned on by a guy in the crowd. Artie told Richard that he didn't understand his final joke where he's jerking off into his face on stage. Richard said he's playing Russian Roulette with his penis in that bit. Howard heard about another bit where Richard talks about being in the mile high club and asked him to explain that. Richard told the joke and it involved Sal having three fingers up his ass so Howard and the guys told him to change that around and leave Sal out of the joke.
Howard asked Artie if he's nervous about doing Carnegie Hall. Artie said of course he is. He said that a lot of the comedy is what he did on his DVD ''It's the Whiskey Talkin'' but he'll be throwing in some newer stuff as well. He said show business is great because he likes taking the risks of doing stuff like that.
Howard gave Artie some advice and told him to get some rest at the Ritz Carlton like he did before the big meeting he was supposed to have before his meeting with the head of the FOX network. He asked Artie who he's going to have with him on stage that night and if Rev. Bob Levy was going to be there. Artie said it is up to him and Bob would be one of the candidates. Howard played some audio of Bob doing his hosting at the FAME awards and played all of his screw ups. He said that Bob actually did a great job but they pulled out the few screw ups that he had.
Howard played a few other clips from this FAME awards show that Levy hosted. He played some of the nominees and winners real quick. Howard said he saw Bob Levy up there yesterday and he seems to be over all of that stuff that went down last week.
Howard wondered if they should do a regular show and replay the old show after. Robin suggested that they do a regular show that morning and play clips from that show. Tim Sabean came in and suggested that they play clips during the show and then do a special after noon that day. Tim said they could let the fans give them some feedback about what they want too. Robin said that they might not want to let the SternFanNetwork people suggest anything because they're nuts over there. She said she heard the Superfan Roundtable this weekend and said that they were actually discussing Riley Martin's $5 million demand like it was legitimate.
Tim said that they basically agreed to go their separate ways after that phone discussion according to Tim. He said he was going to talk to Riley about setting him up in his house so he could broadcast from there but Riley was so stuck on that money thing that he wouldn't even talk about doing that. Tim said they touched upon that idea but Riley was just stuck on the money.
Howard read the note he got from Tim where he said that Riley was being very abusive and calling him names as he was trying to talk to him. He said he was called a ''lying Jew'' a ''Motherfucker'' a ''nig*er'' and other things. Tim said they discussed the problems they had with the pay and how they could resolve that stuff. They also talked about the money Riley wanted to do his show. Riley apparently claimed that $50,000 was chump change to those motherfuckers.
Tim said that he offered to send an engineer to his house to set him up but Riley didn't want anything to do with that. Tim is willing to try again with him in a few days but it appears Riley won't be doing a new show tonight.
Howard took a call from Riley, which was just audio clips, where he went off on everyone saying that he was not going to continue doing his show for that low money. They were able to create a whole conversation without Riley actually being on the phone. Fred asked the Riley clips a question and argued with the clips for a short time. It turned out that Fred didn't realize that he was arguing with audio clips. Howard broke the news to him after he figured out that Fred had no idea it was audio clips and not really Riley.
Howard said that proves that they don't really need Riley working there. They have enough audio to make their own shows. It was Sal calling in from the back room playing the audio clips. Tim said they just need Sal to create the whole show in place of the real Riley. Howard said he hopes that they can work things out with Riley because they really do like him there.
Howard played a song parody of Mel Gibson singing about why he hates the Jews. Howard said the cop that Gibson was asking about being a Jew turned out to be a Jew even though there was no clues there from what most people could tell. Howard read an article about Gibson's partying and the arrest later that night. The cop who arrested Gibson says he's not out to ruin his career or anything, he's hoping that Gibson will think twice about driving drunk again.
Howard read that the MTV Awards are coming back to New York and maybe they'll go do a show from there again. He said they haven't done that in years so they may have to go back to doing that. Artie said he used to love when they used to do that kind of show.
Howard had a new phony phone call that Evil Dave made to an adoption agency looking for some kids. Evil Dave talks to a woman about wanting to adopt a child for himself. He told the woman he was David Letterman and he was looking to adopt a black child. Then he asked how long it takes and if he could get a light skinned black, something like Paula Abdul-ish. He told the woman he wanted a child that wouldn't get too crazy. He asked if they would be able to play basketball and wanted to make sure his girlfriend wouldn't get raped. He told the woman he didn't want a ''gay one'' and the woman thought it was very inappropriate to make a call like that. She eventually told him to fuck off and hung up on him. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard and Robin spent a minute talking about the Mel Gibson thing again. Howard played a clip of Barbara Walters making a speech about what happened. Barbara said that Gibson never addressed the anti-Semitic remarks he made. She said that she will never see another one of his movies because of what happened. Howard said she was putting on her ''Star Jones'' voice in that clip. He did an impression of Barbara doing that voice and talking about the comments that Star made after she left the show.
Howard said that no one has to worry about going to another Mel Gibson movie because his career appears to be just about over. He played more of Barbara's speech and goofed on her speech impediment a little bit. He said you know you're fucked when you hear that voice coming from Barbara.
Howard said he hears about possibilities and they're not definite's. He and the guys did their Eric voices and goofed on him for a minute after that.
Pete said that his mother is ready to do that but not ready to lick Siobhan's ass like Howard wanted. Howard thought it was quite a prize for what they were asking for but Pete said he really didn't know if his mother would lick the ass. Howard thought about it and said they might be able to work something out.
Artie started to sing the ''Throw the Jews Down the Well'' song with new lyrics about this guy Pete and his mother coming on the show. That led to Fred picking up the guitar and playing while Howard, Robin and Artie all came up with lyrics for the song.
Pete came back and said that his mother was there. She said that she's 50 years old. Howard told her about the plan and how they wanted her to come in and sit on the Sybian while her son controlled it. She was ready for that but she wasn't ready for the licking of the ass. Howard said that if she rode the Sybian with no panties, she wouldn't have to lick Siobhan's ass. She quickly agreed to it and said she would do it.
Howard told these two that this was some sick shit. Pete was going to control the Sybian while his mother rides it. Howard let them know that it's going to be televised as well so they're going to be the talk of the town. Artie asked the mother how many cigarettes she smokes because she had a husky voice. She said she only smokes a pack a day. Howard asked the mother if she's got baloney tits or if she's ever caught him masturbating. She had no idea what baloney tits were and that she couldn't remember catching him jerking off. She said she has found his dirty sheets from him jerking off and stuff like that.
Howard asked Pete why he would make his mother wash his sheets when he was dropping loads in them. Pete said that he was only 15, 16 years old and that's what a mother was supposed to do back then. Robin said she can't wait to meet these two. Howard put them on hold so he could book them for the show.
Artie said he had another embarrassing discussion with the woman who will be outfitting him for the show and she was saying that if he had old jeans and work boots he could wear those. He said he told the woman that she might want to add 8 sizes to the sizes he gives her. He said he's wearing 38 inch pants but he wears them pretty low. He's hoping he can just wear what he wears to the set. They're going to be shooting tomorrow around 1 o'clock.
Lisa said that Steve Langford will be going along with him to the set of the show. She said that they're going to be doing a report about Sal's ''Kill or Be Killed'' show because he got a little carried away and forgot to go to the celebrity judges at one point. That led to Howard talking about Sal's obsession with him and how he used to be obsessed with Marissa Tomei. He said Gary asked Sal on the Wrap Up Show about calling Marissa and if he had called other people when he was working as a Stockbroker.
Sal admitted that he did call a couple of other people like Rodney Dangerfield, Pat Cooper, Tony Randall, Jack Klugman and Russell Simmons. He said he also called Mickey Rooney and asked him if he wanted to invest in stock. Howard said it went form Sal saying he never called anyone to admitting he called all of those people. Robin said that Sal is a stalker and it's obvious after hearing that clip.
Gary told Howard to play the Richard Christy prank call that they talked about earlier because it was great. Howard played the clip where they jerked Wendy the Retard around with a phony voice mail answering system. Wendy was yelling at the voice mail system and then yelling at clips of Ronnie the Limo Driver. Then Richard took clips of Mike Walker and had her talking to him as well. She had no idea what was going on and said that she needed a drink. Richard played some clips of this preacher Don Vincent who curses out his callers when they call him. After she goes off on him Richard plays clips of Dice and has her yelling at him. Howard said that goes on for about 3 hours but Richard cut it down for them. She eventually hung up on him.
Lisa G got back to her news preview and mentioned that they have a report about a certain someone on the show who hasn't written thank-you notes for the gifts they received. Robin figured it was her and she said she's working on it but hasn't gotten it done quite yet.
Howard was thinking of throwing a party of his own but he threw out the idea after thinking about having Richard and Sal going to the party. He said he would like Richard to be there but he would probably go with Sal. Then he was thinking that Richard is kind of disgusting because he doesn't shower and stuff like that. He's not so afraid of having Benjy there though. He was going to have Gary, Fred and Robin at the party but he scrapped the whole thing. Howard said that if he got down to inviting someone like Lisa he would have to invite everyone.
Robin said it would be a nightmare for Howard if he started inviting people to a party. She knows because she just had one not too long ago. Robin said that she's working on that thank-you list for the gifts she got but that party did cost her quite a bit of money. Howard figured it was at least fifty grand. She said it was. Some of the guys said that Robin shouldn't have to send out thank-yous because she threw that party and the gifts were thanks for inviting them to the party.
Gary told Howard to play the other Page 69 clip because it was also about Robin. In the clip Jason and Will talk about Robin thinking of going to a racing school to learn how to drive her new Corvette (Z06). Howard asked Robin why she needs to do that. She said that the Corvette she got is basically a race car so she needs to learn how to drive it. Fred confirmed what she was saying and told the guys that it really is like a race car. Robin has loved cars for a long time and that's why she got this car.
Howard asked Robin if she would go up against Bubba and race him. She said she might do that but she might need a year or so to prepare. Ronnie came in and told Robin to go up against him. Howard said Ronnie is dying for some attention from people on the show and that's why he's doing that. Ronnie said that Howard is a very angry man. He also told Howard that Robin's Corvette is a race car.
Fred asked Ronnie how fast Robin could be prepared to race. He said it would probably take about 4 or 5 weeks. Ronnie said Bubba doesn't race on road courses though, he races on dirt. It's a completely different thing. Richard came in and said that Robin was afraid to go over 20 miles per hour on her boat. Robin said that's different, she's not afraid of driving on the road. Howard said he'll buy the outfit for Robin if she wants to race against Bubba. He also said that he thought he was adventurous for taking chess lessons. Meanwhile, Robin is going out and buying race cars.
Howard said he's very excited about this whole thing. A caller told Robin to go out to Bob Bondurant's course in Arizona. Robin said she knows Bob Bondurant and she may have to go out there to his racing school. Robin told the guys that she's been boating every weekend lately and she's planning on taking it down to Florida. Howard said ''Oh no you're not...'' He seems to think that she's nuts.
Howard said that they might just have a race here between Robin and Bubba but they haven't spoken to him yet. A caller told the guys that she could take her car out on a race course if she joins a Corvette club or something. Howard said it would be something if Robin beat Bubba in a race. Ronnie told her that she should try snowmobiles this winter too because they're a lot of fun.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he heard a story about Howard and his daughter going out to dinner last week and he had a story about that. Howard said he wasn't out for lunch on Wednesday like the caller was saying. The guy said he heard that Howard and his daughter were arguing at a table about Beth but Howard said that never happened. He said he was at dinner last week with his two daughters but it wasn't lunch. He wasn't arguing with his daughters. The caller kept saying that it was lunch but Howard didn't go to any lunch last week.
Ronnie said that he could back up the story because he was with him on Wednesday. Howard said his daughters do cry a lot because they're very emotional. Robin said that sounds like they're very fragile if they cry that easy. Howard said he was not at a lunch like the caller was claiming. Howard let Lisa G go after that.
Howard asked Robin how fast her Corvette goes. She said it can go about 190 miles per hour. She said she doesn't even know how to get into 6th gear because she hasn't had it going that fast yet. Howard said he owned a corvette at one point in his career and he never had it over 60. Robin said that her car is so fast that they won't even make it into a convertible. Gary came in and said that the BMW people called and offered to bring her to their test course down in North Carolina where she can bring her own car out and drive it.
The guys talked about how Robin is putting herself in danger for no apparent reason with this car. No one seems to understand why she would do such a thing.
Gary gave Howard a bunch of choices for the games they could play. Howard took a call to try and find someone to play the game. The first caller asked Artie if he wanted to promote his movie at a red carpet event he was hosting on Sunday night but Howard got bored with him and hung up on him.
Howard moved on to the Cliff Palette game where they have to try and guess what he's saying. Cliff died earlier this year so some of the guys get depressed hearing this stuff. Howard played it anyway. Howard played the first clip after getting another caller. Some of the guys thought they knew what he was saying. It was a celebrity name and the caller had no idea what it was. Howard and Robin thought they might know but they weren't positive. Howard guessed it was ''Rich Retarlo.'' Artie thought it was ''Nelly Furtado.'' Gary said that it might be impossible to get. Howard kept playing the clip over and over again but no one knew what it was. Gary said Fred had it close when he said Christian Slater but that wasn't it.
The caller had no idea either so Howard went through a few more calls. One guy said Nick DiPaolo but that wasn't it either. Another guy said Nipsy Russell but he was wrong as well. It wasn't Marlon Brando. Wendy the Retard even gave it a try but she was throwing names out there that were no where close to celebrity names. She threw in Richard Christy's name as well before Howard hung up on her.
Howard took another call from a guy who also didn't know who it was. Gary gave a clue that gave it to Fred. He figured it out but everyone was still trying to figure it out because it sounded nothing like ''Crispin Glover.'' Artie said there's no way anyone could have gotten that one with that name. He's not an A-list guy.
Howard played another quick clip where it was very obvious that Cliff said ''Jennifer Aniston.'' The caller got it right so he won a few bucks for getting it. Richard Christy came in and said that the guy had gotten it wrong and it was actually Engelbert Humperdink. Howard played the clip again and said he was right, the caller was wrong and it wasn't Jennifer Aniston. Howard said he really misses that guy Cliff. Howard gave the caller another try. It was another tough one though. Robin thought it was Enrique Iglacias so the caller went with that and got it right. Howard gave him the prize and went to break.
Howard mentioned the new TV show which is called ''Gene Simmons Family Jewels'' and it airs next Monday on A&E. He asked Gene if it was true he was worth $250 million and asked why he would do something like this TV show if he's already got that kind of money. Shannon said that Gene used to be so private back when she first met him and now he's opening up and letting everyone in.
Howard said he would never let a camera into his house because he would need some privacy. Howard asked if they were impressed with Ozzy's show. The two of them said that Ozzy was great in that show. Gene told Howard that he has never been high or drunk in his life. Howard interrupted and said Shannon can't say the same thing though. She has been involved in a bunch of stuff. Howard told her that he used to beat off to her pictures years ago when she was in Playboy. He said he had a few women, Shannon, Barbara McNair and Stella Stevens that he would beat off to.
Howard asked Gene again why he's doing this TV show if he's worth $250 million. Gene said he's not that rich and he's not the owner of the KISS name. He and Paul Stanley are co-owners. He told Howard some details about what the band has been up to and how he was just at a KISS coffee house franchise. Howard asked Gene if Ace Frehley has been fired from the band or not. Gene said that Ace and Peter are out of the band and they're probably better off, and alive, because they are out now. Gene said that they can have anyone they want come into the band to replace them because they own the rights to the make-up.
Howard asked Gene if they're going to have a bunch more farewell tours. Gene said that's what a lot of bands do so they will have as many as they can. Howard wondered if Gene is friendly with Paul Stanley. Gene said he loves the guy and he is still friendly with him.
Howard asked Gene about dating Cher. Gene said he lived with her years ago and everyone gets along. He said that Shannon and Cher get along but Shannon said she's only met her twice so she's not sure that she gets along with her. She was saying that she actually had to write her a letter asking her to stop sending letters to Gene. Her son found the letter in the mail and she thought it was a bit inappropriate so she asked her stop. She was going off on her for still sending letters to Gene calling him ''puppy.''
Howard wondered if she's that lonely that she has to send him letters like that. Gene said that Cher is a wonderful woman and he didn't want them going off on her like this. Shannon has been with Hugh Hefner herself so Howard and Robin were asking her about that. She told the guys that Gene is better in bed because he participates in sex unlike Hef. She said she talks about all of that stuff in her book (''Kiss and Tell'').
Shannon told Howard that she saw many things at the Playboy mansion and one of the things Howard read was that guys may have been doing stuff to Hef in his bedroom. She said it was dark in the room at the time and she never saw anything. She used that excuse for a few things that Howard asked her about. He asked her some questions about who she banged but she told him to read the book.
Gene just wanted to plug his show. Howard didn't want to go there yet so he asked Shannon if she still thinks that Gene doesn't cheat on her. She said she believes that even though Howard said he has heard that Gene has gotten blow jobs from people while with Shannon. She said that Gene wouldn't sell any records if he didn't say stuff like that so that's why she thinks that goes on. Howard got back to the Cher discussion and asked Shannon what she wrote to her to make her stop from writing. She didn't say exactly what it was.
Howard asked if it was true that Ace Frehley called Diana Ross the N-word in front of Gene. Gene said that is true. Shannon dated OJ Simpson for a little while so Howard asked her about that as well. Gene and Shannon talked about the relationships they've had. Gene told Howard about how he dated Diana Ross for a while and ended up breaking it off once he started dating Shannon. He had broken up with Cher to go with Diana.
Howard had a woman on the phone who claimed that she had been sleeping with Gene for a long time. It was Wendy the Retard who answered yes to every question Howard asked. She said she has been a lover with him since the 1970s. Shannon said she's pretty sure that Gene doesn't have any children out there that they don't know about.
Howard asked Gene if they are secretly married. Shannon giggled and said she didn't want to say anything that would incriminate Gene. She said she is married to ''the show.'' Howard asked Gene if he would marry Shannon if she really wanted it. Gene said that he has always had agreements with his women before moving in with them so it's like a pre-nuptial without the marriage.
Howard asked Gene what kind of money he would have to give up if they split up. Shannon said that she thinks she wouldn't get anything because there is no common law in California. Gene said that he will fight like crazy to keep all of his money.
Richard Christy came in and said that he's been a huge KISS fan since he was about 4 years old. He wanted to know about Gene taking a porn star to the AVN awards. Gene said Shannon knew about that and she was fine with it. Howard wanted to know when he last got a blow job. Gene said he's not a big fan of blow jobs and he's more into the drilling for oil type of sex.
Howard gave Gene and Shannon a plug for their new TV show ''Gene Simmons Family Jewels.'' He asked them about their son who has been trying to get into rock and roll. Shannon said that he's actually an artist, he's just doing that for fun. Howard thought it would be nuts for him to get into a band. Howard told Gene that he loved his show ''Rock School'' that was on VH-1 a while back. Gene said one of the kids on the show just got a $900,000 recording contract.
Sal the Stockbroker came in because he was once kicked out of a concert after he did an Indian sound while they were on stage one night. Gene said that when they're on stage, they are the bosses so anyone in the crowd doing something like that gets booted out of the concert. Gene told Sal that he would be very popular in jail when he actually ends up there.
Sal explained how he did this thing to Gene to get himself booted out of the concert. He said Gene was doing this thing where he yells out as he's looking out into the crowd so Sal stuck his thumbs in his ears and made his Indian sound. Gene ended up flying up in the air so he wasn't able to tell someone to throw him out right away. Once he was lowered to the stage he ripped off his chains and stuff and ran back stage in those giant boots of his. He said he looked like a retarded Godzilla as he was running back. Then this guy comes running out to throw him out. The guy who threw him out said he would get fired if he didn't get him out of there so Sal said he would leave. Sal later heard that Gene would have no problem firing anyone on Christmas Eve if he was in a bad mood.
Howard asked Gene about Ace Frehley since he claims to have said some things that were pretty anti-Semitic. Gene said that he did say some anti-Semitic things to him over the years when he was wasted. Gene said alcohol and drugs bring out the 'real you' and that's probably what happened there. Sal asked Gene why he outed Ace in his book when he printed a picture of him kissing another man. Gene said that the picture was public knowledge so other people knew about it before it was printed.
Sal asked Gene if Paul Stanley has ever had a gay relationship. Gene said that he has never seen anything like that with Paul. He also asked Gene if he was wearing a wig and if he could tug on his hair. Gene said it is real hair and he could tug on it. Sal went over to him even after Howard told him not to, and yanked on his hair. He said it is apparently real.
Howard asked Gene about his relationship with Cher and if she was good at oral. Fred threw in a gagging porn sound effect as they discussed that and Shannon said she was about to gag just hearing that clip. Gene said that he's dead after talking about Cher on the show.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Gene financed Van Halen's demo tape and basically discovered them. Gene said that he did discover them at a club and they were about to sign with a yogurt company. He talked them out of it and had them come out to New York to record out there. That ended up being their first and second albums. Gene said he thought the band was going to be huge but other people didn't believe it and wouldn't back him up so he threw out the contract and told them to go for it. They went out and signed a contract within a few weeks.
Howard asked Gene about who he thinks are some of the greatest guitar players since they were discussing that yesterday. Howard also asked Gene if he thinks that he's a great bass player. Gene quickly said 'no' and admits that he's no that great.
Howard took some phone calls and one guy told Shannon that she's got some baloney tits these days. He was also saying that Gene gives Jews a bad name with all of the crap that he whores out with the KISS name on them. Howard had another guy ask Gene if he ever hit Cher in the ass and if it was hairy back there. Gene said he has anal sex with everybody and if you don't do that it's an insult. Shannon said she doesn't like that so she and Gene don't do it. Howard asked him if he will lick a woman's ass. He said ''Oh sure, why not...''
Howard wished the two of them luck with their new show. He also gave Shannon a plug for her book ''Kiss and Tell.'' Howard wrapped up a short time later and went to commercial break.
Artie said he didn't realize how crazy that sounded even though they've listened to the tape before. Gibson's father was saying that the Jews don't do any actual work, they just take all of the ''good jobs'' from other people. Howard thought that was pretty crazy to say as well.
Howard played some more audio where the interviewer keeps the guy going by asking more and more questions about the Jews to show just how hateful the guy is. He was saying there was no way they could have killed six million Jews back then because they wouldn't have had enough fuel or time to do such a thing.
Howard said this guy is way consumed with the Jews. He listened to a few more clips from the interview where he talked about nothing but the Jews and how horrible they are. Howard liked the way the interviewer handled the guy because he made him think that he was a brilliant man and kept him talking.
Artie also mentioned that he tried calling Jeff the Drunk yesterday but he got his answering machine. He was trying to help him out by giving him some work. Howard got back to Steve and asked him what else they had coming up today. Steve said that they'll have a few other stories about the heat in New York City and how it could cause problems with the electricity there at SIRIUS.
Jeff the Drunk called in and said that the number Artie had was the wrong number. He asked Artie if he was going to the Yankee game today. Artie said he's not going. Jeff said he figured Artie wouldn't be calling him if he was going to the game, that's why he was asking. Jeff also said that he just got his car out of impound after it was taken during his drunk driving arrest over the weekend.
Jeff can't go anywhere because he can't drive now that his license has been taken away again. Artie said he's going to send Jeff a bunch of fliers to hand out for his movie. Howard told Artie he has only one hand and he can't drive so he can't get out to do something like that. He can't be trusted to actually do the work either. Howard asked Jeff what he's going to say to people when he's giving out the fliers. Jeff said that he'll just tell people the movie is coming out ''whenever, October 14th...'' Artie told him he's already screwing it up, it's September 15th. Artie said they have no advertising budget so this could actually help.
Howard moved on to Jon Hein who was in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He mentioned that they'll be talking about Gene Simmons and Shannon Tweed. They'll also talk about Fred having an argument with Riley Martin clips and some of the other people who have fallen for talking to tapes.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in because Artie and Robin had been talking about how annoying she was at the comedy show they were at yesterday afternoon. Mariann said she didn't know that they were annoyed with her otherwise she would have left.
Jon said they'll talk about Robin possibly going to racing school since that was brought up this morning. Howard thanked him for that and let Jon and Steve go.
Chris Kattan called in around 10:30am, only an hour late, so Howard talked about some of the movies that Chris has done on Saturday Night Live and things like that. Howard asked him if he had ever worked with Mel Gibson. Chris said that unfortunately he never had. Howard goofed on Gibson for a short time and talked about what it might have been like if he had worked with him on a movie.
Howard said that Chris was calling in because he's dating this girl who is super hot and it's important to him for her to win this Miss FHM thing. He said you go on FHMUS.com and you can vote for her there. Her name is Sunshine Tutt. Chris said that it's very exciting for her and he's just trying to help her out having some fun. Howard asked her if he's afraid that, if she wins, she might date David Spade. Chris just laughed. He said she was calling him on the other line so he took that call and came back a short time later.
Chris said she does some acting and things like that. Howard said she's got some nice melons and wondered if they were real. Chris said they are real and they're a C-cup. He said that she's not dying to win this FHM thing but she would like it if she did win. Howard told Chris that he'd like to go down on her after seeing her pictures. Fred played the ''I'd like to fuck the shit out of you'' song after Howard mentioned that.
Chris said he's down south shooting a Christmas movie and it's really hot down there. He said he's working with John Goodman and a bunch of little people in the movie. Chris asked Howard if he's going to get married after Howard asked him if he's going to try to marry this Tutt chick. Howard said he's not getting married. Chris thought Robin was married but Howard told him that she's got a really weird relationship with Mr. X. Robin said that he comes to see her on the weekends and also works with her with her career.
Howard wrapped up with Chris and asked him what the fans have to do. Chris said that you just go to FHMUS and vote for Sunshine Tutt, it's pretty simple. Howard said it must have been weird for him when his girlfriend asked him to call the show to do this. Chris didn't seem to mind it. Howard understood what he was going through with the hot girlfriend.
Chris jokingly told Howard and the guys to lay off of Mel Gibson because he hadn't done anything wrong. He said he was just kidding and talked about that for a short time. He said he'd rather have stories like this in the news than stories about Lindsay Lohan passing out from the heat. He said it's like the old Hollywood days. Howard wondered if Leno and Letterman will have Gibson on their shows after all of this. They joked that Leno will probably make a joke like how they renamed the movie ''Lethal Weapon 2'' to ''Lethal Weapon Jew'' or something lame like that. Howard let Chris go a short time later.
Robin was singing along with one of Smokey's songs as he walked in. He thought she sounded good but Howard told her she sounded like shit. Smokey told Howard he just wanted to check out the new place and stop in to say hello. Smokey has a new album (Timeless Love) out that he's at SIRIUS to promote today. He'll be doing that on some of the other channels there.
Howard talked to Smokey about his love life and found out that he just got married for the second time about 4 years ago. Howard wanted to know how many chicks he banged so Smokey said he had his fair share way back in his day. Smokey asked Howard if he had a lot. Howard told him he had his share after his divorce but he's with Beth now and not banging chicks. Smokey asked him if he's going to get married. Howard said that everyone was asking him that today and he was under a lot of pressure from that.
Gary asked Smokey if he got all of the money from the songs he wrote and performed or if he got ripped off like so many other people did. Smokey said he got the money because he was with Motown records. Howard asked Smokey if he was with a light skinned black woman or a dark skinned woman. Smokey seemed to think that was kind of an odd question but laughed and said she was about the same skin tone as he was.
Gary asked Smokey what song brings in the most money. Smokey said there are a few songs that bring in a lot of money but ''My Girl'' is probably one of the best money generators. They went over some of the other hit songs he's had so Howard told him he should come in and do a little concert for them sometime. Smokey said he'll do that when he comes back to New York City.
Howard asked Smokey how long it takes him to writ a song. He said that some take 25 minutes, some might take 2 years. He said that ''My Girl'' probably took about 2 hours to write. Howard asked him who his favorite song writer is. Smokey said he can't say who it is because there are so many great ones. He said he loves song writers.
Howard played a track off of Smokey's album and then asked him if he's still smoking weed. Smokey said he hasn't done that since 1986. He said he was killing himself with coke and stuff like that so he stopped doing it. Howard told Smokey how great he is and thanked him for coming in. Smokey told Howard it was a pleasure meeting him years ago at an airport. Howard gave him a plug for his new CD ''Timeless Love'' and let him go. They went to a commercial break a short time later.
Howard took a call from this guy Mike who wrote a story about Tommy Morrison trying to make a come back in the boxing field. Howard had read the story earlier in the morning. Mike told Howard about what he knew after talking to Tommy. Tommy is claiming he never had HIV but he was still kicked out of boxing and he wants to come back and fight again.
Howard had to wrap up with Mike so he could get the show done with. He let him go and had Robin finish up her news. They ended the show around 11:25am.
Howard started off the show saying he wakes up every morning now so he can hear the latest apology from Mel Gibson. He said it's kind of funny how people's real feelings come forward when something like that happens. He was reading a letter to the editor in the paper where a guy went off on other people who have said things in public about other people and they don't get the kind of crap that Gibson is getting. Howard said that no one ever said it was okay for any of the other people that were mentioned by the guy. He thought the writer sounded kind of weird.
Artie said it really appears that Mel Gibson is a dark, depressed guy after hearing about all of this stuff. Howard heard that Gibson is losing his hair and when he looks in the mirror he doesn't see Mel Gibson anymore. It's not so tough for ugly people to look in the mirror because they've probably always been ugly.
The guys talked about some women who are good looking and end up losing their looks eventually. It's really tough for those people because their looks don't last. Artie said that the only way Mel Gibson is going to get people to forgive him for his Jew comments is to turn back time, like Superman, and kill Hitler. Howard said he was trying to come up with something and he wasn't able to... but Artie came up with the only thing that will work.
Howard said that the Jews might want to demand that he do that to get forgiveness for his comments. Howard said it would be great to get a Rabbi in there to call a press conference and demand that Gibson fix the holocaust. Robin said they might be able to use Benjy to do something like that.
Fred played the ''That's Why I Hate All The Jews'' song parody that they played a couple of times yesterday. Howard said he loves this story. Artie said there's one headline about Gibson being suicidal about this stuff. Howard said there was one article where the author said that you can't trust that this guy is serious. There was another one where a Rabbi said it was time to forgive Gibson already.
Howard wonders why Gibson doesn't have a driver to bring him around instead of driving himself. Robin said a lot of people out in California like to drive and Gibson must be one of them. Howard said the next good thing is going to be when Mel comes out in public to make a statement. He read his latest apology from an article he had and spent a short time talking about that.
Howard was also pointing out that there are pictures of Mel out partying with a bunch of women the night he got arrested for drunk driving. He pointed out that the guy is married and has a bunch of kids but he was busy out partying.
King of all Japs called in and asked Howard if he hates Mel Gibson after all of this. Howard said he's pretty sensitive to stuff like this because he saw so much anti-Semitism when he was living in Roosevelt. He said he was beaten when he was living there just for being a Jew. He said these are just a lot of people's true feelings because they've been taught to hate the Jews. It's just something that exists here in the United States and the rest of the world.
Artie said that his parents never talked any sort of hate when he was growing up in Jersey. Robin said that he was in New Jersey and there are a lot of people in the rest of the country who do hate on people like that. Howard said Mel knew what he was doing and he's just another douche, just another dick. Robin said that this is the kind of good that his religious upbringing is doing for him.
Howard wrapped up with King of all Japs who asked Artie when he's going to be out in L.A. doing a show so he can meet him and get a DVD signed. Artie said he'll be out there soon but not doing a show so he doesn't know what to tell him.
Howard said the Howard TV guys are working on a lot of stuff for the on demand stuff. Robin said that she heard the guy who was hired to take care of the 23,000 hours of K-Rock tapes on Howard 100 News and he sounds like he's going to be really good for the job. She said he had her getting all revved up for playing those old tapes.
Howard and Artie got back into the Mel Gibson stuff for a short time. Artie was pretending to be drunk while Howard questioned him about the Jews.
Richard said that this guy he called has been doing his show since the 70s. Howard played another clip where Richard called the psychic and asked if he's going to get fucked in the ass when he goes to jail for selling grass. The guy says that he's not going to get out of jail for up to 10 years after a call like that.
JD told the guys this particular song was too poppy for him but he does like the fast techno music. Howard played another section of the song and JD liked that part of it. It's apparently a 1 hour long song from what the guys were saying. Artie said he's been to clubs where they play that kind of music and people are all on ecstasy and guys are touching guys and he just had to get out of there.
Artie said that when you're on X some chicks will let you touch them and it's the best. He said that Ralph has a great story about ecstasy but he can't tell it on the air because it would end up in the paper. He said they might have to get Ralph to try and get clearance on the story and tell it.
Artie said he took some ecstasy back in about 1995 or so and went to a party. He said the chick who brought him there ended up leaving with some guy. He said it felt great to be on the stuff and the chick he was into ended up with some other dude after he went to get her a drink. He said he ended up taking the train home alone that night. He ended up jerking off to an episode of WKRP in Cincinnati.
Will came in and said that he's seen JD dance to this music so it's not true that he just likes listening to it. JD demonstrated a little of his dancing which was a bad idea because Artie was calling him names. Benjy said he caught a great JD moment the other day when he saw JD getting a package from someone from SIRIUS and he said ''Thanks hot stuff'' in a serious voice.
Howard played some audio of Richard talking to a homeless guy about JD being a virgin and trying to get some advice from him. The homeless guy just laughed his ass off when Richard told him about that.
Howard was laughing his ass off thinking about JD walking around the streets and sitting on the train with this playing on his iPod. He said you never know what people are listening to and pictures a guy stealing JD's iPod, taking it home and wondering what the hell he's listening to.
Richard told the guys that this song they were listening to was a full hour long. JD said it's a mix of different songs that are all put together into one long song. Howard kept playing the opening to the song and said it has to be the funniest opening ever. Richard suggested that they take that clip and play it every time JD comes in the studio.
Howard started asking JD questions and playing that techno song opening beat to goof on him. Howard was asking JD what he's doing tonight and then played the music. Artie answered for him and said that he was going to be shitting out some cum.
Howard asked Richard if they had played the Philippino porn clips that he found. Richard said it was actually Sal who found the clips because he's not into ''oriental porn'' himself. He said they had played some of the clips recently. Howard got back to the techno music and continued to goof on JD. Then he went into some of the Philippino porn clips he was talking about after that.
A caller told Howard to animate JD dancing to that music. JD mentioned that they have him down at Hedonism dancing so that's enough. That show should start airing on Howard TV around August 9th according to Doug Goodstein from In Demand. Howard asked JD what the name of this CD was. JD mumbled out ''Techno for the Masses Speed Up Volume 4'' or something like that.
Howard played a little more of the song to hear the part where a woman was singing. He kept playing that opening and asked Fred to make that JD's theme song. Fred was all set for that so whenever JD comes in, that's what they'll play.
Howard read some mail from a Sal fan who said they're tired of Howard goofing on him so much. There was another guy who said that Bob Levy sucks and he doesn't want him on the show anymore. The guy also said that Sal is a fag. Another writer thought that Sal's story during Gene Simmons' appearance yesterday was great. Another guy said that Sal is a cock jockey. There were some other guys who went off on Sal about his Gene Simmons story and other things.
Howard said they got a lot of comments about how they should handle the replay of the 9/11 show. Howard said he's asking the audience how they'd like to hear the show replayed. They could replay the whole show or just play clips from it during a regular show. Howard whipped through a bunch of comments about that and some people want to hear the whole show in it's entirety. Howard said that they may have to replay that whole thing in full then. Howard said that there are other people who don't want to hear that show at all, they just want a new and funny show.
Howard read one e-mail from a guy who said that they're being a little rough on Mel Gibson. Robin said Howard has felt this way about Mel for years, this is nothing new. Howard said a lot of people wrote in about Robin's fascination with racing and her Corvette. One guy wrote in about the car being made of fiberglass and how just one crash could mean the end for her. Other people said that they think Robin is losing touch with the audience by getting into racing. Another guy said he's glad that Robin now has a different car for every day of the week. One guy said he hopes that she accidentally puts the car in reverse, backs through her mansion, off her dock and into the water where she'll float to safety on her two flotation devices. Another guy suggested that she say hello to John Denver and John F. Kennedy Jr. when she kills herself while racing or boating.
Howard read an e-mail about something that happened with Lisa G and Gene Simmons after the interview yesterday. Howard didn't know what went on so Robin and Artie told him about what they heard. Fred had the full story and said that Gene was being a wise ass while she was questioning him after the show. He stuck a $10 bill down her shirt as she was interviewing him but she was more upset about the way he treated her before he did that.
Shuli came in and said that he recorded the whole thing because they were all going off on Robin and Howard. He had another clip where a couple of women and High Pitch Mike were going off on Robin for some comments she had made about this party that Howard was going to have but ended up cancelling.
Gary said there's another clip where Steve Langford explains to the crew why they shouldn't expect to be invited to Howard's party. He said that Howard and his crew are a little unit and the news team came along 25 years later and that they don't belong. Shuli said that Howard and Robin don't like people in general so having them over probably isn't going to happen. Shuli said when he got Robin's invitation to her party, he thought it was a mistake.
Lisa G came in so Howard asked her what went on with Gene Simmons. She said that he was trying to stuff money down her shirt and he was taking his glasses off and putting them on her after taking her glasses off. Howard asked her if maybe Gene was trying to make an interesting moment out of a dull interview. She thought that was kind of rude but Howard said she could have just walked away from that if she wanted to. Lisa said she felt she had a job to do and didn't want to walk away.
Lisa said that Isaac was standing there with a TV camera and she as acting differently while on camera. She said that the guys standing around were doing nothing. Howard asked her why she didn't just walk away then. She thought that any man, or woman, standing there would see that what he was doing was inappropriate and should have done something.
Howard said that he once took down Gary Busey when he was trying to go after Robin on the show. He told Lisa that if she had said something to the guys, they probably would have done something. She chose not to say anything or walk away so no one did anything. Shuli said that the funny thing is that Ronnie was nowhere to be found during all of that.
Since Lisa was in the studio already, Howard had her do her Howard 100 News preview. She gave the guys a rundown of what they had coming up today. They have a new Page 69 segment where Will and Jason talk about the gossip around the offices. Lisa said that there's another story about this ''nerd heard'' of JD, Jason and Jon Hein going to a matinee together. She said that the Wrap Up Show has been a huge hit lately and they'll be talking about that. Howard said he knows it's a hit because Gary and Jon Hein were asking for $5 million like Riley Martin was.
Lisa said that the team of people working on the 23,000 hours of tape have turned to Fred for some help since he's got so much knowledge about the show. She said that Jon Hein has been using Howard's hair stylist Toni ever since he sold his web site for over a million bucks. They'll be talking about that in the news as well.
Howard asked Lisa if the Gene Simmons thing was the worst thing that's ever happened to her. She said it is right up there as one of the worst moments for her. She said most people don't disrespect her like Gene did. Lisa said that she didn't want to be on camera cursing someone out so that's why she behaved herself during the interview. Howard told Lisa that she can always tell him when something goes wrong and he'll try to take care of it as long as the guy isn't Shaq.
Howard read some more e-mail about Penny Crone and the clothes she wears. The studio door wasn't closing so Howard asked the guys to close it. They were told that the door isn't closing because of the heat but the heat is outside and Howard said it's like 40 below in the studio so the heat outside has nothing to do with the door sticking. Howard had to take a break after that.
Arnold also said that he wants to ban iPods because they're too much of a distraction. He said he would also like to build unisex bathrooms in all government buildings. He said it costs the states too much money to have both bathrooms.
Howard asked Arnold if he has been following the Mel Gibson stuff lately. Arnold said that he has been following it and he thinks Mel is a great guy. He said he's gotten a bunch of shit himself by hanging out with the president of Austria so he knows what Mel is going through. He said they joke around during Thanksgiving time. When they put the turkey into the oven, Arnold's father says it's time to put the Jew into the gas chamber. He said it's all in good fun.
Arnold said that he was drinking this morning so that's why he's all over the place with this stuff. He was also saying that he's looking for one of those gossip merged names like Brangelina. He said he would like to be known as Schivenegger. He had a few others that he would like to use for celebrities.
Arnold told Howard that he was looking to destroy the moon a few months back and that may be coming to fruition in the near future. He said that they want to build a giant shield over all of California to block out the sun because the sun does cause a lot of deaths. He said he doesn't know all of the technical aspects of the whole thing, he just knows it will work. Howard wrapped up with him a short time later and let him go.
Howard brought up a story about a Survivor winner by the name of Brian. He was accused of shooting his dog with an arrow recently. Howard said he couldn't even remember the guy. He read that Brian would sit in the back yard and talk to himself while drinking all the time. His wife claims that he's become a completely different person since he won the game. The guys spent a minute talking about that.
Howard read that Alec Baldwin's girlfriend left him, apparently because he was still fighting with Kim Basinger. Howard saw that Tim Allen is getting married again. He and Robin talked about that for a short time. Howard said he hasn't seem Tim in a long time. He said he'd have him on if he wanted to come on.
He also said that he would like to have David Hasslehoff on the show to talk about everything he's been going through lately. He saw a picture of him in the paper where he's got a wet spot on his pants while he's heading to a flight he was on.
Howard heard that King has diabetes and he was in the hospital again recently. King said his vision got blurry and he ended up going into the hospital for it. He used to have to take insulin shots but he's lost a lot of weight lately and doesn't have to take it. He's trying to lose even more weight so he can get thought that.
King is going to be retiring soon and he plans on moving down to the Atlanta area because it likes it down there. He said the black people down there are more sophisticated than they are up in Jersey. He said the blacks up in Jersey are nosey and they like to do petty shit to bust balls. According to King the blacks down in Atlanta aren't like that and are ''upper shalon.'' Howard corrected him and said it's upper echelon.
King said he thinks he can get about $575,000 for his house up here and he can buy his house down in Atlanta for less than that. He said he's got a mortgage on that house for about $20,000 or so. He's been in the house for about 20 years so he's paid a lot of it off already.
King said he wants to open up a coin-operated laundry business down there. He said he would probably have a couple of coin operated units but most of them would be this SmartCard technology so the cash wouldn't be available to steal. King said he wants to open up the laundry in a Hispanic neighborhood because those people like to do laundry a lot.
King said he's got a daughter in college down there so he wants to move down there and grow old in that area. He asked Howard where he's going to live when he retires. Howard said it would probably be Florida. He thought about going to Arizona but someone told him that it's too crazy out there so he'll probably end up in Florida.
King asked Howard about his latest obsession with Chess and how he's spending a lot of time on that. Howard said he wants to enjoy it but he ends up getting obsessed and ruins everything. He said he wants to be the best at it but he knows that he can't figure it all out.
Howard asked King what's going on with this Vodka. King said he's out promoting this p.i.n.k. vodka. Howard interrupted him and said that he heard he's getting paid $10,000 to promote this stuff. King said he doesn't want to talk about that and make people think that he's getting paid to promote the stuff. He said he likes the vodka and likes to drink this stuff.
Howard asked him if he could identify the stuff if they brought in three different types for him to taste. King claims he can do it so he had the guys bring some in. King took a sip of each one and let them sink in. He said that it was number three so they uncovered the names and found that number three was Kettle One. King said that the p.i.n.k. vodka is just as good as Kettle One. He covered up his screw up pretty well even though he still couldn't identify the Pink out of the remaining two.
Howard asked King if he's purchased anything cool lately. King said he's getting a new Land Rover today. He's also got to have his kitchen made over so he can sell it.
Howard took some phone calls and let some people ask King some questions. One guy asked him about the comments that Gary made about black people getting second chances when they cheat on their women. King said that black women don't like to fuck even before you cheat so you don't get a second chance. King said that Hispanic women like to do that shit and that's why he likes his wife. He said that black women will cut your dick off if you cheat on them.
A woman called in and said that she's black and she likes to fuck. King said that his new wife is willing to pee on him so he likes that stuff. He said he has her pee on him in the bed. He said he covers the bed in plastic so the pee doesn't get in the bed. He doesn't do it every time he has sex but he will do it once in a while. Howard asked him if he fucks her on the pee after she pees on him. He said they clean that up before having sex. Then they take the plastic down and hose it off. He said some of it might end up on the floor but the floors are wood so he can clean it up quickly. King said that she just has little spurts of pee so it's not all that much when it comes out.
King said he keeps the plastic out in the garage and will bring it up to the room on a night they're thinking of doing the pee thing. King said he loves make-up so he has her put that stuff on before they do it. King was getting all excited talking about this stuff with Howard. He gave him all of the details about how he goes through the pee thing. He said he screws her after she pees on him. Artie said he doesn't get that piss and shit stuff. King said that a chick has to be really hot to shit on him. The guys asked him if he's ever had that done to him. King said he did have a hot chick shit on him many years ago. He said that's some sick shit and he doesn't do that anymore.
Artie said he was at a bachelor party one time and this one chick said she had a customer who asked her to shit on him. Artie and his friends wanted her to leave after that. Howard said that Gary's bachelor party was nuts because they had this one stripper pissing in a cup and trying to shit into a cup. She was pushing really hard to get the $200 they were offering to her.
A woman called in and asked Artie if he's ever tried heroin because he looks like a mess on TV when she sees him. Artie said he has tried it but he's not on it now. She mentioned that she would like to date Artie. She said she's been told she looks like Jada Pinkett and she doesn't look her age of 37. She weighs 115 pounds and is 5'6'' tall with a full C-cup. She told the guys she looks really good and Artie said he is color blind when a chick is hot.
Howard asked Artie if he and Dana are together or not. Artie said things are still where they were the last time they talked about that. He's still talking to her and not banging any other chicks. Howard figured that this chick didn't have a chance but Artie said you never know what might happen.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he could ask King of All Nig***s a question. He said he saw King out at a mall in Jersey wearing FuBu yellow clothing so he looked like a rotten banana. King said he would never wear FuBu clothes because it's not cool. He said that even Sean Jean clothing is about 2 weeks away from being out of style. He said that it's okay to wear a piece of Sean Jean clothing but not to wear everything Sean Jean. He said that wearing the sneakers is wrong too. He said that he knows what's cool and that isn't. He said that he likes Nike and uptown sneakers, not Sean Jean. He was wearing a Ralph Lauren suit today.
King said that the p.i.n.k. vodka is so good that it makes you feel like you're on cocaine. Howard took a call from a guy who said that King sounds very ignorant on the show and went off on him for a short time. King asked the guy if he likes old school rap. When the guy said he does, King said that the guy is wack and he only likes new stuff. Howard asked the guy if he wears FuBu in all yellow. The guy said he doesn't wear that stuff so King went off on him for never having worn a certain brand of tie.
Howard asked the guy what kind of faucets he has which got King all revved up and asking the guy if he has American Standard faucets in his house. King said there are different levels of Moen faucets and he gets the good stuff himself. King was saying that he looks down on people who weren't as fortunate as he was and he was admitting it. He's getting a Land Rover today and he's going to go home and have a tuna fish sandwich today while he's freezing his ass off with his central air conditioning. Howard wrapped up with him a short time later and went to commercial break. King threw in a plug for PerfectPartySpirit.com as he was wrapping up.
Howard said his favorite is Crackhead Bob singing ''Had a Bad Day'' so he played that for everyone. He also played a song called ''Pocket Pussy'' that he said he was going to delete. He also played ''Anal Receiver'' for a few seconds.
Howard was going on about that stuff when Artie asked him if he had ever eaten anything like what he had this morning. He showed Howard what it was and they thought it was a mess. It was an egg sandwich that had all kinds of crap on it so Howard told Jason to take a picture of it for the web site. He told Artie he hopes he chokes on that thing.
Howard said he is now feeling 100 percent better today. He felt horrible on Monday but he was getting better yesterday and today he's fine. He thinks the body can play tricks on you and he thinks that it could be a psychological thing that was happening to him. He said he was reading Dr. Sarno's latest book ''The Divided Mind: The Epidemic of Mindbody Disorders'' a few times and he thinks that helped.
Howard said that he thinks his problem could have been psychological because he's been under some pressure lately and that's how his body was trying to help. Meanwhile, Artie can eat all of the crap food he wants and not have problems like that. Artie deals with things differently than Howard does. Howard said that Dr. Sarno has helped him in the past and this new book seems to have helped him this time. He told Artie that he might also want to check out ''Healing Back Pain: The Mind-Body Connection'' by Dr. Sarno as well.
Howard mentioned a web site called SheHasANegroProblem.com that he's been checking out. He said that the girls on the site are into black guys and doing sexual stuff to them. He said his favorite is Francesca.
Howard was reading an article about Dave Chappelle where they were explaining why Dave gave up on his TV show. He apparently felt like he was doing things that weren't good for the audience and he didn't think he could face the kids that were watching so he stopped doing the show. He read the article to Robin and asked her if this made things any clearer for her. She didn't seem to get it any more than she did before and Howard said that Dave should still be their friend because he never did like that show of his.
Gary came in and said that Dave almost came on the show a couple of months back but ever since then it's been very hard to get in touch with him. He's been back to the city since then and still hasn't come in.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who asked if they would ever have Mel Gibson on the show again. Howard said he would absolutely have him on and he would blow a donkey to get him on. Robin thinks that the show would be the perfect place to make an apology.
Richard told the guys that he wanted to psyche everyone out so that's why he was nude. Richie also came in and said he's been working on the show for 9 years. He was a huge fan before then and actually slept on the street for Howard's book signings before he started there. Howard asked Richard about what a fan he is. Richard said that he used to listen to every minute of the show back when he was working as an electrician. Sal also believes that he knows the show because he was a huge fan as well.
Gary asked Sal about the ''war paint'' that Sal had on his body because he had a female intern putting it on for him. Gary told him that's inappropriate and he should ask him to do it instead of a young, female intern. Sal apologized and said he would do that.
Howard said they had $500 and a copy of Madden 2007 for the winner of this trivia contest they were holding. Here are the questions, answers and who got them correct.
Sal said that he wasn't cheating and he knew it was John Davidson and he wasn't cheating but Howard told him he was cheating so he told him to get out of the studio. Everyone chanted ''Out, out, out, out...'' to get him out of the studio. Howard told the guy on the phone he was going to give him his own question but the guy argued that he had already won. Howard gave him the prize without asking him a question.
Howard told Sal that he will never have him over to his home after that. He said that dishonesty is not cool and asked him to admit that he had cheated. Sal refused to admit it and said that he wrote John on his paper and knew that it was John Davidson even though the other guys said his name before he gave his answer.
Sal mentioned that he really needs that money and he's been selling stuff on eBay just to get a train into the shithole that they're working on. Howard didn't believe him and then Brian Phelan came in and said that Sal may have seen the questions ahead of time because he asked him about a couple of them during a car ride yesterday.
Howard gave the win to Richie Wilson from Howard TV. He said the $500 was courtesy of this Madden football video game. He took a call from Wendy the Retard who said that Sal is a pussy cheater and he should go to his room. Even she knows that cheating is wrong. Howard wanted to give her a chance at winning $500 so he asked her a couple of questions...
Sal was still pissed that he was being accused of cheating but Howard was convinced that he was one. Bong Hit Eric called in and said that he would give Sal $500 to admit that he cheated. Sal said that he had admitted it and said that he did cheat. Howard wrapped up a short time later and said that Richard had gone over to Sal and rubbed his naked penis all over him so he did get some revenge.
Howard played the tape and goofed on Mancow's delivery because he seems to put on such a radio voice. He told one joke about Mel's mug shot that wasn't funny. Mancow was yelling the whole time he was talking to the hosts of the show and there was no reason for it. Howard and the guys were trying to figure out what he was trying to say but it was pointless.
Howard said that if Mancow went up against Opie and Anthony he might just win. He wasn't sure about that because he claims he hasn't heard much of their show. He said he just heard one clip of their show when they were bashing him one time.
Howard took a call from a guy who thought that they had ripped Sal off in that game they just played. Howard said he was obviously cheating and they didn't rip him off at all. Another caller said that XM is doing so poorly now that their music stations are playing commercials. Howard said that is a bad sign and they should just give up already.
A listener called in and said that he tuned into Opie and Anthony recently and they were goofing on Howard and ripping him off by doing the whole megaphone thing and talking about how Howard hardly works. Howard said that the New York radio market is weird. He said that radio guys don't seem to know what's going on in the radio industry and they only concentrate on one show like that one. He said that he still thinks that his show is great and it just works. He said that if Opie and Anthony want to talk about his show, that's great, it keeps his name out there. He said that they've already brought in 4.5 million subscribers there at SIRIUS.
Howard said that he will never go back to doing terrestrial radio after having so much freedom on satellite. He said that he just can't imagine dealing with that nonsense of censorship again. Robin read that Arbitron is going to start taking ratings for satellite radio next year. Howard said he doesn't care about that and it's probably all because of him that they're going to start doing that.
Howard also pointed out that radio's answer to him leaving is to hire Whoopi Goldberg. He said he hasn't heard her show because he's so busy there though. Artie said that he heard that Nick DiPaolo and Colin Quinn were going to try out to be a radio team. Howard said that wouldn't work though because there are people who are professional broadcasters who can do the job better. He said that they're great at comedy but they might not work on radio.
Howard said that he knows guys who could go up against Opie and Anthony and could give them a good run for their money. He said that morning radio has more importance than any other radio because that's when people are in their cars. He said it's just as important as prime time TV is to people in this country. He said it's the time when you have an audience captured.
Howard said he wants to know where the competition is in morning radio. He wonders why other companies are not syndicating morning radio shows to go up against shows like Opie and Anthony's. If they did that they might make the morning radio business exciting again.
Hook Nose Mike called in and asked if there was going to be a SIRIUS and XM merge like he's been hearing. Howard said that there has been some talk of such a thing but he's not sure that it would happen because XM doesn't have all that much going on other than their Major League baseball commitment. He wondered why anyone would go to XM for Opie and Anthony because you can get them for free on regular radio.
Howard said that right now the selling points for satellite radio are music and Howard Stern. He said when people subscribe they get hooked in by those two things and then they enjoy the benefits of all of the other stuff that's available on the service.
Artie was saying that even having MLB on satellite isn't that big of a deal because it's such a regional sport. He thinks that football is more important than baseball. Howard and Mike talked a little more about XM and how they seem to be floundering right now. Howard said it's weird when XM gives up exclusive content like Opie and Anthony and puts them on free radio. He said he couldn't care less if they did merge. He said he can't imagine the company being run by anyone but Mel Karmazin though.
Howard talked about how XM had come to him at one point trying to hire him but they had to check with their board of directors before hiring him. SIRIUS then came by and just told him they wanted him and made a deal with him to bring him on. They knew that they needed him, XM had to ask if they could hire him. He said the conversation he had with SIRIUS was inspiring because they were passionate about the audience and how they could please them.
Howard said he wants to end his career while working for SIRIUS. He doesn't want to be anywhere else. It's been a success so far and he's thrilled to be there. He said that whatever is best for this company (SIRIUS) is what he'll go along with. If they want to merge, he's fine with that. He thinks they're doing a great job with their new radios and streaming his show. They're doing things right in his opinion. Those are the things that impress him. He said the engineering department will try to fix problems they have as hard as they can and they really seem to care. Howard said that his career is where it is because of the fans and he's always cared about them.
Howard wondered why Bubba hasn't called in to accept Robins race challenge. Gary said they've been trying to get a hold of him but he may be in an area where he doesn't have any cell service. He heard that he's out in Iowa or some place like that trying out a new race car.
Howard said that if Bubba does race against Robin and loses, he's going to make him do something nuts like get real breast implants and wear them for a year or something like that. Mike asked for some money to help him get back up to New York to visit his wife and kid. Howard gave him a $500 prize because he felt so bad for him.
Bobo called in and asked Howard if he would ever hire someone like Mancow on SIRIUS. Howard said he's never really heard his show so he's not sure if he would ever do something like that. He said the guy once sent him a box of excrement so he's not sure he would ever want someone like that working for him. He said he doesn't want to be close minded but it would be a long haul for him to bring someone like that on. Based on that clip he just listened to though, the guy sounds like he's yucking it up with no point.
Cabbie said he's staying down at the shore right now and he's been meeting with people from FreeFM and with Tim Sabean. He said he's trying to get back on the air but there is no job yet. They're going to try him out on the air at FreeFM there in New York City next week but he's not sure what's going to happen.
Cabbie said he hung out with his old partner Cane who is working at XM right now. He said that they were talking about doing the old show that they used to do but do it better. He wants to do the right thing and he wants to talk to Howard about that off the air.
Cabbie asked Howard what's going on with this guy Riley Martin who is asking for money. Howard explained to Cabbie who the guy is and how he has his own show that's on two times a month for a hour each time.
Howard had the phony Riley Martin on the phone so he could yell at Cabbie. Cabbie didn't know that he was talking to audio clips of Riley. He was arguing with him knowing that Fred had just been fooled the day before with the same audio clips. Howard told Cabbie that Fred had just been talking to Riley yesterday.
Howard wanted to put a stop to the whole thing but Sal was still playing the clips of Riley from the back room. Cabbie was still telling Riley to do certain things but still didn't know that he was talking to recorded clips. Howard wanted to put Cabbie on hold but Sal kept playing more clips and got Cabbie all revved up. Howard said that could go on all day long. Artie broke the news to him that he was talking to a machine. Cabbie seemed to think it was funny.
Howard said Sal is so good with those clips that they don't even need Riley to work there anymore. Artie said that they should just take clips of all of their voices, let Sal control them and stop coming to work.
Howard had Steve Langford and Jon Hein come in with their show previews. Steve was talking about how Artie offered him a ride home after he goes and reports on his Rescue Me shoot today. Artie claimed that Steve had asked for the ride but Steve claimed Artie offered it to him. That led to Howard saying that some people called Artie out on the story he told about this guy he sponsored down in Costa Rica. He told the story years ago and had a different ending for it. Artie claimed he made that up for the Conan O'Brien show and the story he told recently was the actual story.
Howard had Steve give his show preview after that. Steve went through the stories they have coming up and how he'll be there on the set of Rescue Me covering Artie's appearance there. Steve also said that they have learned that they will be replaying the Wrap Up Show on the show replays. He ran down the list of other things they had coming up before Jon Hein gave the Wrap Up Show preview.
Jon Hein mentioned JD's new theme song that they were playing earlier in the show. They will talk about that on The Wrap Up Show. They will also talk about the Super Fan Trivia Challenge that went on earlier and talk to Sal about his cheating. King of All Blacks' appearance will also be discussed.
Bubba said that he will absolutely accept the challenge. He said that it takes a lot for a woman to challenge him to a race. Howard asked Bubba if he would agree to get breast implants for a year if he loses against Robin. Bubba told him that's fucked up and wondered what Robin would have to do for him. Howard said maybe she'd blow him. Bubba wanted to have her blow him if she loses and he would eat her out if he loses. Robin said no to that offer.
Bubba said that he would be willing to wear a dress anywhere they suggest if he loses. He said that there's no way he will lose the race unless there's a mechanical failure. He wanted to put his pal Gene Lasker on the line with Howard to shed some light on what might happen if they race.
Gene got on the phone so Howard asked him why Bubba won't agree to get implants if he loses. Gene said he could have mechanical failure or something. Howard figures that Robin could put her foot on the gas and just beat Bubba. Gene said that doesn't happen because you have to know where you're going and what you're doing to win. Howard thinks that she could win after she goes in to a race school to learn.
Gene also told Robin that people do die in racing. He said that they'll hook her up with everything she needs to race and then they'll figure out when to race. Howard said that they've been contacted by a few people and Robin should be going to school.
Bubba got back on the phone and said that he would agree to the breast implant thing if he could get out of it if they do have a mechanical failure. Howard said they could call off the bet if there is a mechanical failure. Bubba told Robin that she might want to send him her measurements in private so they can get her a Leaf driving suit and a Bell helmet because this is some serious shit.
Gary said that the guy Gene who was just on, just lost to a chick last week. Bubba said that Gene will flip the fuck out if they bring that up. He put him back on the phone and Howard brought up the girl's name, Jessica Simpkins, and Gene had all kinds of excuses for why she beat him in the race. He said that she was like a boy in a girl's body because she's been racing since she was 4 years old. Howard said that maybe Jessica Simpkins wants to train Robin. Gene said if they do that then they'll just double up Bubba's training.
Gene said that Jessica did make it to the point where she can beat guys but there has never been a black woman who could do it. Robin wondered what her race has to do with her driving. Gene said that he didn't mean it like that. Bubba was in the background telling Gene to be careful where he went with that discussion. Bubba got back on the line and Howard asked him if he went to Mel Gibson sensitivity training or something.
Bubba said that you can check out the web site KnoxvilleRaceway.comto see where he'll be racing this Thursday night. Artie told Bubba to say hi to Uncle Jesse and Boss Hog out there as they were getting off the phone.
Howard had Robin start her news after the Bubba call. She whipped through a bunch of stories and wrapped up her segment and Howard ended the show around 11:20am.
Howard said he was exhausted again and had to hit the Ambien last night to get some sleep. He got a little sidetracked when the studio door failed to close like it was doing yesterday. He said that they were told that it was swollen from the heat even though it's not hot in the building.
Howard said he's been on a chess kick lately and he's been reading books, playing chess online and learning to play the best he can. He's been on a web site where they rate the players and they match people up with computer players and things like that.
Howard figures that he's a pretty good player after playing against friends and family who know how to play. His cousin Isaac learned to play in school and took classes just to learn the game.
Howard said he thinks that he's kind of intelligent but he's been kind of intimidated about playing online. He said a friend of his has been teaching him a lot and taught him how to use this online system to play. He watched a bunch of TV shows last night and went to bed but he couldn't get the game off his mind so he couldn't fall asleep. He said he ended up taking Ambien at about 11 last night and then woke up again around 3 o'clock in the morning thinking about playing the game.
Howard got up and decided to go play chess at 3:30 in the morning. He got on the computer and searched for someone to play against. There were other people out there playing so he wasn't alone. He found the easy section but there weren't many people on in that section. He decided to play against the computer instead. The game is timed so he has to make his moves pretty quick. It's not as fast as one of the 5 minute speed games or even 1 minute games that some guys play.
The computer rating was at an 1100 score which was a little higher than he figures he would be rated at. He said that within 3 seconds the computer had him tied up so he had to resign and sign out. He didn't want to get discouraged so he waited for a human being to come on. The guy was rated at a 740 which was very low on the charts. He figured it was someone like Gary the Retard playing. Howard said his own rating dropped down to about a 900 from the 1000 that he was rated at. The game was going to be a 30 minute game according to the computer.
Howard said he's not sure why he's obsessed with this game but when he gets obsessed with something, that's all he can think about. He said he was in a meeting with Mel Karmazin yesterday and he couldn't get this game off his mind. He got back to the game and said that the guy he was playing against just started to humiliate him by taking all of his pieces. He said the guy was ripping him a new asshole and taking each piece one by one. He was hoping to make a comeback but the 30 minutes ran out and he actually lost on time. Now Howard's rating is down to a 440 because of that loss.
Howard said he's like retarded when he plays online. He's playing guys who are retarded themselves and still losing. He doesn't understand how he's made money in his career and doesn't have any self respect after losing the games. Artie told Howard to forget about the game and concentrate on the fact that he's good on radio. Howard said he has this friend who can track his scores on that web site and now he's going to see how retarded he is. He told that guy that he's done playing after losing to the guy with the 740 rating.
Howard said Beth said to him this morning that she doesn't know how she can date a guy who is at a 440 rating. Artie said it's funny to see how fast some of those speed game guys move their pieces. A phone caller, Elijah, told Howard that most computers start you off at 1000. The caller said he would play Howard online and handicap himself by taking out his queen and a rook and he'd still beat him. Howard figured the guy could beat him since he's already down to a 440 rating. Elijah said he plays on Pogo.com and his rating has never dropped below a 1650. Some guys on there are 2000 or 2500 ratings.
Howard thinks he's retarded and he should drop out of trying to learn to play the game. He said even the guy on the phone sounds barely intelligible and his score is 4 times as high as his. He told the guy he's hearing him speak and he sounds cromagnam to him. Elijah was telling Howard that having a score of 440 is almost impossible, it's too low.
Robin told Howard not to give up and wondered why he's playing short 30 minute games when he's just a beginner. Howard is embarrassed that he's so bad at the game. Elijah said that he plays 8 minute games when he goes online. Howard said he would need about a 2 hour game to play the way he plays. Howard eventually hung up on Elijah because he was goofing on him about being so bad at the game even though he's known the basic rules since he was a kid.
Artie thinks that Howard is going to go crazy trying to learn a game that means nothing to him. Robin said that it's an exercise for his brain that he must need if he's so bad. Howard asked Fred if he plays. Fred said he didn't have that luxury and hasn't played. Howard said he is good at checkers so maybe he should go back to something simple like that.
Howard wondered what he's good at other than radio. Artie and Robin told Howard that some people are just good at one thing and it's not a big deal. Fred told Howard that there are retards out there who can play Beethoven on the piano, that doesn't make them smart.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the game is very addictive but it's not something to worry about. He said that the game is not just for nerds and there are a ton of kids out there who play. The guy also said that playing online isn't that great because a lot of people sandbag and make it seem like they're not that good but they're actually great players. Howard doesn't believe that's true and he was playing against someone who was actually rated at 740. The caller said he's at a 2250 himself and told Howard to keep playing and he'll eventually get better. He suggested a few games and web sites to play on and he could learn.
Howard said he's not giving up, he'll keep playing. The caller told him that playing the game is like opening up a sixth sense once you get it down. Artie told Howard that he used to play 9 ball and win money at it so he actually thought about making a career out of it. He wanted to do that or comedy and had to pick one. He went into comedy instead. Artie said that you have to get obsessed with whatever it is you're doing to get really good at it.
Howard asked if he could play an hour a week and still get better. The caller said that's possible so he should read up and study the game instead of playing games on the computer. He needs someone to sit there and tell him what he's doing wrong instead of just playing someone they can't see.
The caller was telling Howard that he was an accountant but he's now a truck driver. He said after 9/11 the economy went downhill and he had to get a job so that's what he did. Howard said that this guy should be able to get a good job in accounting but the guy said he's making six figures as a truck driver and he could never make that kind of money as an accountant.
Howard wanted to hang up on the caller but he couldn't get him off the line. The guy was talking about his career and chess and it was driving the guys nuts. Artie was ready to take his headphones off so he wouldn't have to hear him anymore.
Joey Boots called in and said he spent some time in prison and he saw a lot of black guys playing chess, that's how they get so good at it. He tried playing a little bit himself but he wasn't that good. He likes to go down to Washington Square Park to watch the guys playing speed games there. Artie said he knew a guy who was really good and he may have learned to play while he was in the joint.
Howard took another call from a guy who said it's just a matter of time to learn how to play that game but at least he's not spending money to learn to play like Robin is doing to learn how to drive her boat. She paid money fort that and still crashed into the dock and got her jet ski stuck on a sand bar.
One caller said that Howard may have been kind of foggy from the Ambien that he had taken last night. That probably didn't help his game. Howard said he just needs more time to play the game. He doesn't know how he got involved in all of this stuff. He took another call from a guy who asked what web site he plays on so he can go on and play against him so he can bump up his score. Howard did say he plays on ICC (ChessClub.com ?)but didn't say what website that is.
A couple of callers were goofing on him saying that he sucks. One guy said he had to cancel his subscription because he can't listen to a 440. That guy also said he's only a 660 so Howard said he would play against that guy. He plays on Pogo. Artie asked Howard why he gets so upset that he can't win against someone at a game like that. Howard sees the game as a sign of intelligence so he feels kind of stupid not being able to play it.
Another caller told Howard that his 10 year old son is an 1100 online. Howard told the guy his son will probably grow up to be a homo. He said he had to put the kid down because he feels so dumb. Double A called in and said that this hour of chess talk is ridiculous. He wanted Howard to talk about his hot girlfriend instead. He told Howard not to waste his time with a stupid game like that. Howard figures he could beat Double A at the game. Double A said he doesn't even know what chess is. Howard said that he's devastated from not being able to learn this game.
Howard told the guys about going fishing recently and how he caught a fish that got the lure stuck halfway down it's throat. He said that he pulled the lure out and threw it back in but the fish looked half dead at that point. He felt bad about doing that. Artie told him that's when you have to believe in reincarnation and think that the fish used to be Hitler.
Artie said he's been obsessed with Shark Week on the Discovery channel lately. That led to the guys talking about sharks and how useless they seem to be. Howard said he feels bad when he sees baby seals being clubbed to death but he wouldn't hesitate to club a shark to death.
Howard wanted to get his mind off the whole chess thing. He couldn't get over the truck driver guy who called in and told him how good he was at chess. Howard couldn't figure out what he's good at himself. He spent more time talking about his chess playing after that, he just couldn't get that out of his head.
Howard said Robin told him about this report about Mel Gibson where you see just how bad his people are trying to smooth things over. He had some audio to play where people were talking about how Mel has been a good man over the years and you can't just look at the ''one bad thing'' that he did. There were a bunch of people talking about what a great man he was so Howard wondered how a report like that got on the air. He said that there should be an investigation into how it got on.
JD came in so Fred played his techno music intro. Howard had a remixed version where they had JD's odd noises thrown into the mix. JD said that the report that they were playing was from KABC originally. Howard played a clip of JD going off on Robin during the Wrap Up Show yesterday. Howard listened to that and told him he speaks like he plays chess. Howard told everyone about the techno song that they played and how they found out that JD is into that kind of music when Richard heard him listening to it in his office.
Howard played another version of JD's techno music with Riley Martin clips mixed in. He said that Mel Karmazin was asking him where they were at with Riley Martin's negotiations yesterday in a meeting. He said Mel jokingly told him to just give him the $5 million and get it over with already. He said that's what Mel would do if he'd lost his mind.
Howard played a new song that Dan the Song Parody Man put together to the tune of ''I Got You Babe'' where he took clips of Crazy Alice and High Pitch Eric and had them calling each other names. The ''I Got You Bab'' was replaced with ''Shut the Fuck Up.'' Howard had to go to break after that.
Gary came in and said that Craig didn't sound a thing like Gene Simmons at all. Robin had Craig do his Sam Kinison a little bit as well.
Howard and the guys wondered why Lisa was so upset with Gene yesterday. They figured that she probably would have been fine with the whole thing if it was some hot guy that had done it to her. Gary was one of the guys who thought she would have been fine with it. Lisa thought that was kind of insulting to her and she wouldn't have liked it if anyone had done it.
Howard said he had the real Gene Simmons on the phone. It was Sal doing a really bad impression of Gene. He told Lisa that they had the read Gene in the studio and he was going to pass the phone to him... it was Richard doing an impression that sounded nothing like Gene.
Howard read some mail about Lisa's complaints from yesterday's show. A few people thought she was full of crap and she should talk about spreading her legs for Imus when she was working with him back at WFAN. Lisa asked Howard to stop reading the mail because everyone apparently hates her. Howard said he wasn't pleased when he heard that Gene had stuffed a dollar bill down her shirt. She said it was actually $10 so Howard asked her why she was upset.
Howard let Craig get in a plug for an upcoming show and said he usually does a better impression of Gene. Lisa said she wanted to talk about this e-mail they got from this roadie who said that Gene does stuff like that all the time. She said they're going to cover that on Howard 100 News today.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Lisa was blowing this all out of proportion. Robin told the guys that Gene tried to pull her shirt down one time but she just slapped his hand away and he stopped. Howard asked Lisa if she ever dated Imus when she worked with him. She said she never did, she just worked with him on WFAN years ago. Howard asked her if he was mean to her. Lisa said he was. She said she didn't use her Lisa G name back then, she used her last name which is Glassberg.
He said that he and Steve had the worst Town Car driver bringing them down to the set. They got to the set late and the car was really hot because he didn't have the car running. The guy gave them a hard time when they told him he was on the wrong street. Artie said the guy started the car so they asked him to turn the air on. Then the guy let them know the car stalls out when they turn the air on. The guy turned the air on and it was blowing hot air. Artie said he and Steve were laughing because it was so ridiculous.
Artie said their car stalled in traffic and the driver told them that they really have to get out on the open road and get the car moving. They had to go all the way out to Bayville, Long Island to get on the set of Rescue Me. The guy had to restart the car a few times as they were on their way out there. Artie was dripping wet and dripping on the script he was trying to study. He said the ink was smearing from the sweat and he was all worn out from the heat.
Artie said this driver finally got the car moving and got the air to start working a little bit. He said he passed out in the seat and didn't wake up until he heard Steve Langford saying ''Oh my God it's red!'' when they were going through a red light. Artie said the guy had an attitude and didn't want anyone telling him what to do as he was driving. He said it was almost like the driver was trying to fuck with them.
Artie got his lines down as good as he could. They got to the set and they ended up having to drive a little more to get to where they needed to be. Steve Langford told Artie the drive was pretty intense so it was good that he had slept. Artie said he always tips guys who drive him but this guy he wasn't going to pay.
Artie said that he's pretty sure that they liked him on the show and he could get called back to do a recurring role. He explained his scene and how he plays the part of the cousin of this guy on the show who is dating an ex-nun. That led to the guys talking about how there are some hot ex-nuts out there and maybe they should put together an ex-nun beauty pageant.
The guys were talking about how a lot of nuns die from cancer in their private parts because they don't have an active sexual life. Howard said that he's worried about Lisa because she doesn't have sex that much. He thought it had been years but Lisa said it wasn't 5 or 6 like he thought. She said that she took a break from dating for a while.
Gary told Howard that they had audio of Steve Langford doing reports from the set of Rescue Me. Howard played the first clip where Steve talks about Artie working on the set and making a story about just about nothing. He's amazing at churning a story out from nothing.
Howard took a call from 'Cancer' which was Craig Gass doing his Gene Simmons impression again. He told Lisa that Gene may not have gotten her but 'cancer' will. Howard let Lisa go a short time later.
Howard was thinking about replaying a bit he's played this week but when Gary told him it was a perfect time to do it, Howard goofed on him and said it wasn't a good time. Then Fred started playing some Baba Booey song parodies and Sal went running into Gary's office and whipped out his penis. Gary said he thinks he might have a lawsuit against Sal after that. Howard played the bit he was going to play which was the Evil Dave call to an adoption agency.
Howard got back to the e-mail and read some stuff about JD's techno song. One guy asked them to stop playing it because he laughs so hard each time they play it. They played the song and the remix with JD's comments and weird noises mixed in.
One e-mailer said that Robin should not be driving a race car or her boat or anything else like that. Other guys told Robin she's nuts for going up against Bubba in a race. There was some feedback about King of All Blacks and Howard said a lot of it was negative.
The caller said he woke up in this great mood after the last dream he had and he's wondering if he's gay. Howard told him he's definitely gay. He said if he's not gay, he's very close. The guy wanted to know if it could be a phase he's going through. Robin found out he's 37 years old and told him he's not going through a phase.
Benjy said that he's had dreams where he's kissing a guy and it grosses him out. Howard told him that's gay too and he's got issues. Howard said he has never kissed a guy in his dreams and it will never happen. Howard said he has seen Beth kiss a man in his dream but that's as far as it's gone. He said he's never had a man in his dreams in that way.
Gary said that Will came to him and said that he once had a weird sexual dream about his brother. Will came in and said it was pretty embarrassing. He said he's pretty sure he fucked his brother in the ass in the dream and it was pretty disturbing. Artie said that he once dreamt that he was at a Met game... and that's as gay as his dreams have gotten.
Howard took some calls for the guy on the phone and one guy told him he's just gay. The gay guy said that he doesn't want to go out and get AIDS if this is just a phase he's got to get over. Robin told him to wear a condom then. Howard told the guy that he's never made love to a man, kissed a man or anything like that in his dreams. He said he will never have one about a man either.
Tom said that he has never loved anything but pussy for 37 years of his life and he can't imagine why it would change like that all of a sudden. Howard asked the guy what guy he thinks is hot out there in the entertainment world. The guy mentioned Brad Pitt so the guys told him that he should have said there is no hot guy in show business. Howard had to let the guy go so he played some of JD's techno music for him before letting him go.
Howard changed subjects and said that Barbara Walters and Elisabeth Hasselback got into a bit of an argument on The View yesterday on the show. Elisabeth is against the Morning After pill and she was basically refusing to listen to anyone else's views. Artie told a story about how he actually lost a condom inside a woman one time. He said that he had to go to planned parenthood the next morning to get checked out. They pulled the condom out for her and gave her the morning after pill.
Howard told his story about how his condom fell off and he shot his load into the chick. The woman he was with went out and took the morning after pill because she didn't want his baby. He thought she was really cool for doing something like that. He was afraid that she was going to say she was against abortion.
Gary said he got yelled at one time by a woman because he shot his load in her after thinking she was on birth control. Artie said that he's not all for abortion but he does think that women should be allowed to choose. He does think that the morning after pill is fine because there is no life there yet.
Howard played some audio from The View where Elisabeth was going on and on with her own views without letting anyone else get a word in. Barbara Walters had to calm her down and tell her that they wanted to hear some other views. She said that they have to be able to have discussions without exploding like Elisabeth did. Elisabeth wouldn't stop because she's so against the whole thing. Elisabeth got so upset that she apparently started to cry during the commercial break.
Howard said Barbara was basically calling Elisabeth an idiot and that's why she was crying. After the commercial break Barbara had to calm Elisabeth down again because she had been crying during the commercials. Howard said that Elisabeth is retarded. They talked about how insane Elisabeth sounded when she said that using that pill is like having a baby and leaving it on the street. Howard wanted to get back to the America's Next Wack Packer thing but he had to take a break first.
Howard spoke to Dennis who had a bit of a high pitched voice. He was in a wheelchair and had a ''penis looking thing'' attached to his mouth. Dennis said that he has 3 personalities. He described Dennis, Crazy Kenny and Denise as being the three personalities he has. He said people think he's a woman when he calls certain places. Dennis also told Howard that he's in a wheelchair because he was hit by a car at the age of 7, he's 27 now. He died after getting hit but he was brought back. He claims he saw the afterlife and a great white light. He said there was nothing and heard a voice tell him that he was to go back because they weren't ready for him. Robin asked him if he was sent back to become part of the Wack Pack. He said that must be the reason.
Dennis said that he can't move his legs and his arms are pretty much paralyzed. He was all over the place saying that he has to take Cialis to get a boner for his girlfriend. He also said ''fuck you'' to President Bush for stopping stem cell research because he thinks he could be cured some day from that research.
Howard asked Dennis about his hard ons and about taking a dump. Dennis said that someone has to ''dig him out'' because he can't poop on his own. He said he has some pretty hot nurses who help him out with that. He has someone come in every other day to do that for him. Gary asked him if they don't do that for him, does it just fall out or does it pack in there. Dennis said they have to dig it out or it gets stuck in there.
Dennis said that he has a girlfriend who has CP and he thought she was pretty hot. He said she's in a wheelchair herself. He said that most CP people are always drooling and they don't even realize that. Dennis said he has a monkey that goes everywhere with him. It's actually a nurse who pushes him around according to Gary. Dennis says that his nurse puts him on the bed and gives him some Cialis so he can get off. His girlfriend then jerks him off for a while. He said the boner lasted about 18 hours though.
Dennis said he's had prostitutes before and they've done him for hours. Artie gave some applause for the whores who are willing to do stuff like that. Big Foot Mark started to tell some stories and Howard said he thought Dennis was a shoe in for this thing but after hearing his voice he might just have a chance.
Howard said they were going to have to vote on all of these guys. He turned his attention to Big Foot Mark after that. The guy is 6'4'' tall and weighs 280 pounds and has a very interesting voice. He has a size 14 EEE shoe size. Artie asked why they were even going to continue the contest after hearing this guy. Mark said that he has problems with sleeping and has died 47 times during his sleep. He told some stories about prostitutes and Artie was laughing the whole time just because of the guy's voice. His stories weren't funny, it was just his voice. Artie said he wants to go out and get drunk with this guy.
Mark told the guys that he has a hotel room and the people are so scared of him that they refuse to clean his room. Artie was still laughing his ass off at this guy. Howard asked Mark why he wants to be a Wack Packer. Mark said he's had some legal problems and spent some time in prison. As he was talking Fred played the ''I like to kill deer'' clip that they pulled from a David Lynch ring tone. Artie cracked up even more.
Mark continued to tell stories about going to jail and how he had a guy suck on his cock there. He said he wasn't forced to do that, he was pretty willing to do just about anything. He said he gets ''leared'' into doing just about anything, he might even jump off a bridge if he was asked to.
Howard read that Mark was once dragged by a car one time. Mark told that story and how he held onto a car door handle and almost got run over by the car. Robin asked Mark if he's done drugs. Mark said he used to do just about any drug including lighter fluid in a plastic bag. Howard asked him what that was all about. He would snort the fumes from the fluid and he would get high off of that.
Howard said that Mark and Dennis were good but they had to get to one more guy. Artie really liked Big Foot Mark. Howard asked him if he would feel bad about beating this quadriplegic guy. Mark said he wouldn't feel bad about beating anyone.
Toby was up next. He was portrayed in American Splendor and Killer Nerd back in 1991. Artie was laughing his ass off again as he was talking. Howard asked Toby if he considers himself a nerd. Toby said he does feel that he might be a nerd because he was goofed on back when he was in school. Artie gave him a big ''Wah!'' when he was talking about the problems he had back in school.
Toby said he had a problem in school one time and went after a guy with a hammer. He said his teacher had to stop him before he did something. He said that he knew Harvey Pekar and that's how he ended up in the movie American Splendor.
Howard asked Toby how he got into this whole thing. He said a guy submitted a DVD with him on it and that's how he got there. He told Howard that he's a gay man and he has a boyfriend at this point. He said he's know that he was gay since the age of about 12. He doesn't have to go looking for other guys because he is in a relationship. He said that he has taken it up the ass and he has given oral to guys.
Gary said they heard that Toby has a pretty big penis. Toby said he has about 8 inches and there will be a easter egg scene in the DVD release of ''Abhoration Boulevard'' where he appears as a baby and has his diaper changed.
Howard said that he's been around doing this stuff for a long time and he was very happy with the three finalists they had. He said they did have to pick just one of the three to win the money though. Howard asked Toby if he has some kind of affliction because he is kind of unusual. Toby said something about a disease called ''Asperger's'' or something like that but they thought he was saying ''Ass burgers.''
Howard asked Dennis why he wants to be a Wack Packer. Dennis said he wanted to do some crazy stuff on the show. Mark said he wanted to be one so he can have an apartment building to help people out. Toby said he has an unusual take on things so that's why he wants to be one.
Howard had Gary give his vote for the winner. Gary said that he really has to go with Big Foot even though the other two are good. Robin said that all three deserve to win but she had to go with Big Foot as Gary did. Howard took some phone calls and one guy said that Big Foot was the funniest guy there. Captain Janks said the first guy threw up when he heard Dennis talking about jerking off. Zolar said that Big Foot sounds like the best guy to him. High Pitch Eric said he would like to see Dennis win because his voice is almost the same.
Artie said that he had a definite answer today and that's unusual for him. He told Dennis to go home and maybe they'll check in with him. Toby has already been discovered so he had to go with Big Foot. Fred said he agrees with Artie and Toby is already in show business and he's too ''polished'' to be a Wack Packer. Fred was also afraid they'd lose Dennis if he was the next Wack Packer. Dennis said he's not going to die like Fred thought.
Howard had the final vote and said he could overrule them all but he was going to go with Big Foot like everyone else had. He thought that maybe they could have him do a one hour radio show to replace Riley Martin. Artie said he wants to see Big Foot get that apartment building he was talking about. Howard congratulated Big Foot on his win.
Howard said the best thing he saw was Big Foot trying to shake Dennis' hand when he has no movement in his arms. He gave Dennis a $500 prize but that was the final prize he had so Toby had no prize. Gary said that they'd try to find something for him. Howard also said that he wanted to change Big Foot's name since they already had a Big Foot on the show. He was thinking of calling him Sasquatch or something like that.
Howard wrapped up with everyone and thanked them all for coming in. He told Big Foot that he'll probably be on a lot of shows now and he's very happy to have him as part of the family. He also hopes to hear from Toby and Dennis in the future. He was still trying to come up with names for Big Foot like ''Grizzly Moron'' but he's not sure what he's going to do yet. He let them go and went to break.
Howard said that Cuba worked with Artie for 16 hours on that movie and he still didn't recognize him. Cuba asked for some water so Howard got him a bottle. He asked Cuba what an Academy Award winner does in the city when he comes in. Robin heard he was out yelling ''Show me the money'' to some girls. Cuba said that was down in Miami recently.
Howard asked Cuba about what he thought about Mel Gibson and his problems. Cuba said it was a bad idea for him to get in that car, drive and then open his mouth when the cops arrested him. He also talked about how there are many little things that people say that can lead to racial things. He said he used to say little things like ''rice burner'' and his wife got after him about that.
Cuba told the guys that after he won the Academy Award he didn't get any offers for about 9 months. Then he got a role offered to him and he wondered what part he was going to play. He said he was told he was going to play Robin Williams' son in the movie ''What Dreams May Come.'' He thought they were nuts but they did cast him since it was a movie about the afterlife. He said that was the first movie he did in the 12 months after winning his award.
Cuba said the Jerry Maguire movie has been haunting him for years because that's the one that people remember. He said that no one saw him as anyone but that character after he won the award. Howard said he heard a rumor that Pierce Brosnan wanted him to replace him as 007. Cuba said he's not sure Pierce said that but Roger Moore did tell him that he should play that part when they were shooting Boat Trip.
Artie told the guys about the character he played in Boat Trip and what the movie was about. Artie said that's the movie he was shooting when he got laid over in Germany.
Howard asked Cuba about his wife and found out he's been with her since 1988. Cuba said they didn't get married until 1994 but they've been together since 88. Howard wondered how many chicks Cuba got before that because it couldn't have been that many. Cuba said that for the first three years of his relationship they would break up every few weeks so he would go out and do his thing. About 7 years into it he realized she was the one for him and got married to her. Cuba and Artie talked about one of the actresses they worked with. Cuba was saying that most actresses are nuts and he can't imagine dating and sleeping with one.
Cuba told one story about how he was doing a sex scene in the woods where he was supposed to be fucking some chick. He had a director yelling at him what he was supposed to be doing. It was also some 65 year old chick so he wouldn't be interested in doing something like that. Howard told Cuba about the scenes he had with Mary McCormack in his movie and how he was feeling her up even though the script didn't call for it.
Cuba thought that Howard was saying that he was cheating on his wife so he started to go off on Howard. He was about to whip out his penis. That led to Gary bringing in a picture of the old woman that Cuba was supposed to be screwing in that movie he was talking about. Howard said he doesn't expect Cuba to be able to get it up for that chick.
Howard asked Cuba where he was hanging out last night and if he had chicks hitting on him. Cuba said women give him their numbers all the time and he's always tempted but he doesn't do anything. Howard told Cuba about his movie shoot and how he was getting aroused when he was making out and touching his movie wife. He said he's a real man and can't not get aroused.
Howard asked Cuba about his life and played some of his father's song that was a hit song many years ago. His father was in the group The Main Ingredient and the song was ''Everybody Plays The Fool.'' Howard said Cuba grew up living large in a wealthy family. His parents divorced and his father left his mother and Cuba in a hotel for a while. He left them with nothing.
Cuba said he's not sure if the guy had money but he did leave them without anything. He said the guy eventually came back around. He said he doesn't dwell on that stuff and he now realizes that he doesn't leave his wife and kids for more than 3 weeks at a time. He would never do that to his kids. He learned that after his father split.
Cuba said that he and his father have a good relationship now. Howard said of course they do, Cuba won an Academy Award. Cuba said his father got back in touch with him after his movie Boys in the Hood came out. His father actually got back together with his mother. He thinks that his mother never loved another man her whole life so that's why she got back with him.
Cuba said he had to keep thinking about his wife being there before he was a star. He said she's always been there for him and he wouldn't want to split up with him. Howard asked Cuba if there were any roles that he turned down any roles that he regrets. Cuba said he did turn down Steven Spielberg's ''Amistad'' and he probably passed up a great experience working with a director like that. He wasn't sure he wanted to do the whole slave thing though.
Howard asked Cuba if Tom Cruise ever tried to get him into Scientology. He said he never tried to do that but his father came on the set one day and asked him straight up, are you gay, do you suck cock? Cuba said that was horrifying but Tom had some fun with it and just went along with it.
Artie said that he had a run in with Tom on the set of Jerry Maguire. He told Cuba about the scene he was in and how he got cut from the movie after Tom gave him a hard time about his acting abilities. Artie said Tom yelled at him to come in quicker than he was coming in and everyone put their heads down. Cameron Crowe told Artie to come in quicker and that's what he tried to do. He got cut from the movie after all of that.
Howard thinks that Cuba hasn't done another movie with Tom Cruise because his father asked him if he sucked cock. Cuba said that Tom laughed and said ''absolutely not'' when he was asked about sucking cock. Howard also asked him if he would do a movie with Mel Gibson if he came to him tomorrow. Cuba said he would hang up the phone if he came to him with a job offer.
Howard asked Cuba about playing hockey and why people think that black people can't play. Cuba said he can play and he has his own rink in his back yard. Howard asked him who he plays with. Cuba mentioned Keanu Reeves, Kiefer Sutherland and DB Sweeny as a few guys who have played.
Cuba was in to plug the movie ''Shadowboxer'' which comes out this week. He told Howard about the movie and that it's a bit of an ''arty piece.'' He said he thinks it's a brilliant movie. The director did The Woodsman and Howard thought that movie was great so he wants to go see it. Cuba said he went to see Howard's movie and the three people in the theater loved it.
Howard once ran into Cuba on an airplane and Cuba thought that he said that he never said anything nice about him. Howard said he told the story and said that Cuba said hello to him. He took a call from Double A who said he hung out with Cuba at a party one time and he was really cool and had a lot of great pussy around him that night. Hook Nose Mike called in and said he saw that movie where he played Robin Williams' son and he wondered what the hell was going on there and used a racial slur to describe Cuba. Mike also asked him about hanging out with Robert De Niro. Cuba spent a minute talking about how cool De Niro is.
Another caller told Howard that Cuba was a great guest. Howard wrapped up with him a short time later after giving him another plug for ''Shadowboxer.'' Cuba said he would be on more if his show was on later in the day.
That caller also wanted to talk about the Friday Show. He said that he and his friends all hate the Friday Show. He said Jon Hein has the personality of a wet cloth. Howard disagrees and thinks that Gary tells good stories and Ralph is good on the show. Gary asked the guy what specific things he doesn't like. The guy said ''Ralph.'' The caller said that he would also like more creative names for the shows. The Friday Show, The Wrap Up Show... They just don't fly with this guy. Artie said they could call it The Piece of Shit Show if he wanted.
Artie was pushing for The Friday Show and wanted to go to a Thursday Show as well because he could get out of another day of work if they did that. Howard got back into the commercials after that.
Howard said that Richard and Sal have been calling these public access shows relentlessly lately and one of the guys they call a lot just went off on them. He played the clip where Sal and Richard jerked the guy around. Sal told the guy they have to get the word out that they have to stop working for the white man devil. He put his father on the phone, which turned out to be Riley Martin audio clips, but the guy hung up on them. Howard said the guy had a band he was interviewing but he ended up kicking them out of the studio so he could talk to his audience.
Sal and Richard called back with some Ronnie the Limo Driver clips and got hung up on again. Richard called back and asked the band if they can suck their own cocks. Then the host sends the band away after getting all flustered. The host then goes off on the audience for not having anything to ask the band. He took another call and got more Riley Martin audio clips. The host knew it was the guys from Howard's show doing that crap. He called Howard a faggot and told them to stop with the prank calls. They kept calling in with more and more audio clips of Crazy Alice, Riley and more.
Howard thought the host sounded kind of like Chris Rock. The guy who founded the band No Gravity was also there on the show and he had an odd accent that the guys were goofing on. Howard played more of the prank calls and we hear Sal and Richard call in with some Mike Walker audio clips. Mike says ''Can I tell you my favorite Matt Dillon story briefly?'' and then they played his fart sound effect. They just kept calling in with more and more audio clips of Elliot Offen and other things from the show.
Artie was laughing his ass off and said that if Big Foot came back in and talked he'd probably have an aneurysm. He was cracking up going over the stuff that was going on in that clip. Howard thought it was some funny shit as well. Artie wondered why people are still listening to regular radio when this kind of fun is going on at satellite.
Howard read a note he got about the market share SIRIUS has now. Before he signed on XM had about a 60 percent share of the sales but now SIRIUS has 61 percent and XM is down to 39 percent. He was very proud of that.
Howard had Sal and Richard come in so they could congratulate them on what they did. He thought it sounded like they're the only ones calling into that show. He told the guys they did a great job on that. The guys are already working on some Big Foot material for the show so they should that some of that ready.
Howard asked the guys what they think they should call that guy Big Foot. Sal liked Big Foot Mark, Richard liked Sasquatch as did Artie. Howard said they should discuss that on Superfan Roundtable tonight and come up with a final name for him.
Steve said they'll be talking about Howard's chess playing and about the fans who are being mean to Beth on the message boards. Howard asked that they just leave Beth alone already. He said she doesn't read that stuff but people tell her about what goes on. Howard said he's been avoiding SternFanNetwork for a few days now so he's trying to stick with that.
High Pitch Eric called in and told Howard that he plays chess every weekend. He thought he knew about how to play but he told Howard about how a certain character moves but he had it wrong. Artie wanted Howard to play against Eric on the show but Howard said he would have to end the show if he lost to Eric.
A caller told Howard that these guys who are playing on Pogo start off with 1000 points no matter how good you are. He said that's bogus and it's not a site for serious for chess ratings. Howard said the site he plays on is the same way though.
Jon Hein came in and said that they'll be talking about Big Foot Mark, Cuba Gooding Jr., Lisa G and Craig Gass's Gene Simmons impression and more on The Wrap Up Show. Jon also said that they have some K-Rock stuff to play on The Friday Show tomorrow. He said they have Artie's story about going out with Dana for the first time to play.
Jon had mentioned something about Ralph maybe taking a few weeks off from the Friday Show so Ralph called in and said that maybe Jon should take off to. The two girls were fighting over their Friday Show clips. Gary came in and said that Jon is the producer of the show and the two of them go back and forth on things a little bit. He said that Jon doesn't know how to deal with Ralph sometimes. Ralph got upset with Jon for wanting to turn down some of the bits he wants to play and then when they do play them, Jon admits he's wrong.
Jon said he was going to back out of going to a movie last week because Ralph was going but it turns out that he was just trying to bust his balls. Howard heard that Jon is upset that Ralph comes in on Thursday's and does the Wrap Up Show. Gary said that Jon would like Ralph there when they need him, not for the whole show every week. Ralph didn't understand where he was coming from with that because he doesn't think he's a problem.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he thinks Ralph should be taken off the Friday Show for a few weeks. Gary said he doesn't think that they should take him off. Jon said that he would like to have Ralph step off for a week and see what the audience says. He's also willing to take a week off himself to see what the fans say. Ralph said that's Jon's problem, he's on the computer all the time worrying about what the fans are saying too much.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that Ralph is like Howard's Gayle King (Oprah's best friend). Howard said there are people who say that he's out of his mind to have Ralph on that show but he thinks he has an interesting point of view for that show.
Howard said he's only heard Ralph being really annoying on one show and that was the Wrap Up Show after the Artie roast. Fred said that if he had to pull the plug on something on the Friday Show, he would pull the plug on Ralph. He said that he could do that or just tell Ralph to stop being Ralph. Fred said he thinks Ralph gets in the way a lot on the show. He said he interjects stuff that seems to be inappropriate.
Howard said he's concerned when he has his best buddy Fred saying that he's all for taking Ralph off the show. Ralph said that means no Best of Fred on this week's Friday Show.
Will came in and talked about a comment that Ralph made about the Cum Paste guy being a roofer. The audience probably perceived it as if he was talking down to the guy. Ralph defended himself and said that he wasn't trying to talk down about the guy, he was just feeling bad for the guy because he had his balls busted. Howard had to wrap up the conversation and told the guys to take it up on The Friday Show.
Artie said that Ralph is there for moments just like this. Ralph said he knows that the Friday Show is missing a little something but he's not quite sure what it is. He said some of Jon's edits are kind of weird. Artie told him that what's missing is Howard, Robin and Fred. That got some laughter out of the crew. Artie said it should be The Howard Stern Show, not The Friday Show.
Artie said that he has heard chunks of The Friday Show but he thinks he likes some of it because he's hearing something about a thing that he's involved with. He said there's some stuff on the show that he's not so interested in. Ralph said that they do play some clips that might be too long so that's why they need to keep it short. Fred suggested that they let Ralph edit the show one week to see what he could do. It was too late to do it this week but maybe next week.
Artie thinks that they need a more charismatic host for the show. Howard said that would change it too much though and they might as well put Bubba on instead of that show. Howard said that The Wrap Up Show is terrific and Jon Hein is good as the host of the show. Howard said that all of those shows are staying, they're not getting rid of The Friday Show or anything like that.
Ralph told the guys that he feels a bit restrained on the show because he can't give his opinions and stuff. Howard took a call from a guy who said that he likes the Friday Show because it's a way to wind down the rest of the insane week. Ralph asked if Howard would maybe come in and do something on The Friday Show or have someone else from the show come on. Howard said the one time he called in on the show, he got mail saying that he was monopolizing the show and they didn't like that.
Robin said she listens to the show and likes the way Gary gives them some background about what happened to get people on the show and things like that. Howard said that's what was missing from the Best of Stern they used to play at K-Rock. That's why they brought in the guys to talk up the bits and stuff. Howard had Robin start her news a short time later.
Ralph called in at one point and asked Howard for his advice about bringing some porn stars in to tell some dirty jokes on the show. He wants to do that to promote an appearance he's making at The Laugh Factory. Howard told KC that he might want to consider the fact that when people see porn the don't want to see comedians and vice versa. KC said that guys want to see chicks when they go out so that's why he wants the porn stars on stage with him.
KC said that he was on Myspace as he was talking to them. He knows it's creepy but there are a lot of hot chicks on there. Artie told him he could go out, throw a rock and nail the first chick he hit. That led to Fred playing a couple of classic KC Armstrong song parodies.
The guys got on the subject of Mel Gibson again during the news and that led to some discussions about how Mel must have people out there trying to fix the damage that has been done. Howard said Gibson has to get a team of publicists to get the word out that he's a good guy. The news report they played early this morning where they talked about what a great guy Mel is was spun by the publicists. ABC didn't go out and find out that story on their own. Howard said they're slowly going to spin the story to make it look like Gibson was ''picked on'' and he wasn't wrong in the whole thing.
Gary asked Howard if he thinks Disney, who owns ABC, put that story on the news to spin it in their direction because they're heavily invested in Mel's next movie. Howard said that they are the company that put that news report on so that's probably the case.
Robin finished up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:40am.
Howard was out today so we had Jon Hein, Gary Dell'Abate and Ralph Cirella doing their Friday Show again this week. Ralph was already giving the guys an attitude because of everything that went on yesterday late in the show. Jon had said that it would be nice to try the show without Ralph so he was kind of upset about that. Gary said Jon was willing to take a week off himself if Ralph takes one off. Ralph said he wasn't upset but it was pretty obvious that he was. He said he just wanted to do ''this stupid show.''
Gary said he had never heard Ralph's complaint about some of the bits that they play being too long. Ralph said he has spoken to Jon about it before and he thinks that some of the clips they play are a too long. He thought that they were having some collaborative effort on the show but it's more of a fight these days.
Gary said Ralph tends to pout when he doesn't get his way on the show. Jon said that showed at the open of the show when he was giving them an attitude. Jon said he has taken Ralph's suggestions before and has changed the show based on what he has suggested. They did that last week with a couple of clips they played.
Jon said that they had a Paul Giamatti clip that was going to be 7 minutes long and Ralph thought they had missed some stuff and pulled a 22 minute clip that he thought was too long. Since Jon is the producer of the show, he has to make the decision on what to play and the 22 minute clip is just too much.
Ralph was wondering why he puts so much effort into the show if they don't think he should be there for a week. He seems to think that they're trying to mess with his livelihood and trying to get him off the show. Gary told him he could still contribute to the show off the air by pulling his clips and stuff instead of being on the air.
Jon said he has complimented Ralph on a bunch of occasions and he would still like him to be there contributing to the show. He wants Ralph there and wants the best show possible so he's keeping him there. He has control of the show and if he wanted him off the show, he would talk to Howard and let him know he wanted him off.
Gary asked Ralph if he wants to apologize to Jon about some comment he made about him not working hard on the show. Ralph didn't want to apologize to him so Jon said that some of the things Ralph said to him were bullshit. He totally lost it yesterday on the Wrap Up Show when he yelled at Ralph and said ''fuck you!'' to him. Sal had played that clip a bunch of times already and threw it in again when Jon mentioned that he'd lost it.
Jon knew that they had gone on too long with this conversation and wanted to move on to the show but they continued to argue for a few more minutes. Gary said he's seen Jon and Ralph arguing every week about what to play and what not to play. They turn away from each other and pretend that everything is okay to pacify each other though. Gary thinks that Ralph should take the helm of the show one week just to see what he can do to change it the way he wants to.
Jon said he got pissed yesterday because of the comments Ralph made about him not working hard on the show. He said he's got a life outside of the show and he doesn't always have the time to get back to Ralph as quick as he would like. Ralph said he has other work to do as well so when he calls Jon and asks to talk to him, and it's important, he really needs him to call him back quickly. Jon said he doesn't always have time to call him back immediately.
Ralph said that Howard is able to call him back within 5 hours so Jon shouldn't take longer than that. Gary said the fans are probably wondering why they're spending so much time on this and can't imagine that this much effort goes into The Friday Show.
Jon said that they have pulled a couple of clips from the Meet the Sterns show that aired earlier this year. They wanted to do things a little differently and learn a bit about Howard from his parents.
Jon played a clip where a caller asked Ben and Ray Stern about their reaction to what Howard was saying about Roosevelt Long Island when he was on 60 Minutes. Howard's parents didn't think Howard's childhood was all that bad. Howard called into that show and said that it was a very trying time for him when all of his friends left the area. He said it was a nightmare for him to live there but he never complained about it.
After the clip Jon said it was a very strange moment for him when he was hosting the show because it was like Howard talking to his parents off the air. Gary said that Howard almost understates just how bad it was living there in Roosevelt. Gary said he lived in an area near there and he would never even set foot in that area when he was a kid. He went to visit the area when they were going to go trick or treating for the show one year and Howard's old neighborhood was a really, really bad area.
Jon said that he thinks Ben Stern could host his own show because he was so good in that Meet the Sterns show. They played another clip from an previous Meet the Sterns where Ben was joking around and making comments about each of the states where the callers were calling from.
Gary said they actually talked about having Ben as the announcer of the show and he thinks it would have been a great thing to do. Ralph said they should take the Riley Martin money and set the Sterns up to do a show from their house.
Jon said they haven't heard from Blue Iris much lately and it's because she was sick. He played a clip from a couple of weeks ago where she talked about her problem. The guys spent a minute talking about that and then went to commercial break.
Richard said that Wendy calls his voice mail sometimes and three way calls so he can hear her ordering the pizza from Pizza Hut. He said he'll have to play that clip sometime on the Friday Show. Wendy said she wanted them to play Every Homo for her so Richard said he would try and find that for her.
Ralph asked Wendy if she ate the whole pizza she ordered last night. She said she did eat the whole thing. Richard found the song she wanted to hear and played it for her. Wendy was still mumbling over the song as it was playing.
After Every Homo the guys played some of Wendy singing some karaoke to ''Sweet Caroline.'' Gary asked Wendy if she ever throws up when she drinks and if she does, she should call Richard's answering machine before she does it. Wendy said she would do that so Jon let her go.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he feels bad for Jon when Ralph threatens to pull the Howard card on him and claim that Jon can't fire him, only Howard does. Ralph wanted to move forward and stop with the arguing and stuff. Jon moved on to the next clip after that.
Jon played a clip from a recent show where Howard was talking about massages and how he's never gotten a happy ending during one. That discussion was after playing the Women of Spike TV clip which wasn't played today.
Jon said they went back a couple of months and pulled a clip where Howard talks about a fight that he and Beth had when she had a guy show up to give her a massage. Howard got very upset that she actually had the guy massage her.
Jon asked the guys if they thought Howard's reaction was surprising to them. Gary said that it was kind of odd because if someone wanted to cheat, they could do it in many ways other than getting a massage. Ralph thinks it was a jealousy thing for Howard and that's why he got so upset. Gary said he once got a massage and ordered up a woman for him and a woman for his wife. He'd prefer that she have a woman do it but if she had a guy he wouldn't get that upset. Ralph said that Howard was really pissed that time and he was upset that she had some dude touching her. Jon had to go to break after that.
Jon took a phone call after that. The caller said he had to defend Ralph and he never thought he would be doing that. The guy said that he's not sure where Jon fits in on the show and how he got where he is. Gary said that Jon was hired there to do the Friday Show and the Wrap Up Show so he's the producer of the show. The caller said he thinks Jon is below Riley Martin and Steve the Intern as far as he's concerned. He said he thinks Ralph makes great radio and Jon doesn't.
That led to another discussion about Ralph's place on the show and why he's working there. Ralph said people think that he's got something on Howard and he's forcing him to let him work there but that's not the case. He said it hurt a little bit when he heard Fred say that about him. He said that Fred is a second banana at best and threw in some digs at him. They didn't have anything else to play from Fred this week.
Jon moved on to Caller of the Week after that and played the audio of that. The clip was Sal calling in with Riley Martin audio clips that fooled Fred so much that he ended up arguing with him for a minute before Howard let him in on the joke.
Jon and the guys thought that was pretty funny. Gary said that Sal was sitting there listening to the clip like he was in a trance during the replay. Ralph was trying to tell him something but he wasn't listening. Jon said Ralph was just about in his face trying to get his attention but he was so into the clip he didn't know anyone else was there.
Ralph thought Howard ended that bit too soon and should have kept Fred going for a little while. Ralph said he loves Fred and the show wouldn't be the same without him.
Gary said that they have heard from Eric via voice mail since then but he hasn't called into the show live since that call. The guys talked about how funny it was when the guys agreed to ride the Sybian when Eric said that's what they would all have to do to get him to fly with balloons.
Gary had Richard pull the last voice mail that Eric left for them. In that voice mail Eric bragged that he didn't need Howard to get tickets to meet Hulk Hogan and his daughter. He also didn't need him to meet Kelly Clarkson like he claimed he was going to do later that week. Ralph liked when Eric said that he had met Hulk and his daughter and then said ''... So up yours!''
Jon said that when he cuts those clips he loves to hear the music that Howard was playing back then. in that clip they caught the beginning of a Spandau Ballet song. They had no control over that back when Howard was at NBC. Gary said Howard had pretty much been unleashed at the time and was only playing 2 or 3 songs an hour. The guys talked about some of the things that were mentioned in the show at the time and how big Imus was back then because they had ''Imus Bucks'' that people could use at Arby's restaurants in New York City. Jon had to go to break after that.
Jon moved on to another clip from earlier this week where Robin dropped a bomb shell about how she had some trouble on her jet ski. Jon and the guys talked about how much Howard was busting Robin's balls during that clip. Jon gets why she wants to do all of that stuff she's doing. Gary doesn't understand the race car driving. Jon said he thinks she should just go out and have a good time if she wants to. Ralph said that everyone is waiting for her to make a mistake and end up like John Kennedy Jr.
Jon said he loves that Sal is so unaware of what's going on around him. Sal said that Howard blew it that day when he didn't talk about the dead fish story that Laura had told him. Ralph said that you don't talk about stuff that Howard doesn't talk about on the air. Jon wondered if Sal knew that Howard was pissed while he was telling his story. Sal said he must be clueless about what Howard's tone is during stuff like that because he doesn't hear it until after someone points it out to him.
Sal said he brought up the fish story because he thought that Howard might break into the whole story and tell Robin about it. There was nothing coming from Howard that morning because he was pissed that Laura had shared those stories. Sal thinks that Howard blew it that morning because he would have loved to have heard more about the stories that he brought up.
Jon interrupted to let Erica Phillips come in and give her Howard 100 News preview. She ran down a few stories that she mentioned earlier and a couple of others that they'll be reporting on during the news today. They went to break a short time later.
Jon played the clip where Howard interviewed Elvis Costello as the gay character. Elvis didn't seem to get the bit but went along with it since he was there to promote a new record.
The guys talked about some of the awkward silences during that interview. Jon said Elvis sounded like he was blind sided in that interview. Gary said he isn't sure what they told Elvis before he did the show. He said it's harder to get away with doing stuff like that these days since they're so well known. Ralph also said that it was crazy to hear the word 'penis' on the radio because that was way back in 1983.
Jon played a clip of Howard apologizing to Elvis about the interview he had just done with that 'poof.' Howard kind of cleared the air with him. Gary thinks Howard must have felt bad about what he had just done to have apologized like that.
Jon had this guy Jimmy on the phone. Jimmy worked at the record company that was promoting Elvis' album back then. Gary asked Jimmy how he explained Howard to Elvis back then. Jimmy said Howard wasn't the Howard we know today so no one knew that much about him yet. The artists weren't able to be prepared other than letting them know that Howard was going to be a bit irreverent. Jimmy had no idea that Howard was going to do that gay character at the time.
Jimmy said that it took Elvis about a full two minutes to figure out what was going on at the time. He said Elvis wasn't sure if that was the real Howard or if he was doing a character. He thinks Elvis was trying to keep up with Howard after that. He eventually started to get into it but he was probably a bit overwhelmed. He wasn't expecting something like that on radio in America.
Jimmy said he had another experience with Howard and the band Wham many years ago. Gary told his side of the story and how they were told not to ask the band anything about being gay. They played that clip a couple of weeks ago and Jon was going to replay that again. Gary said he told Howard what he was told about not asking them if they're gay. The first thing Howard did was ask them if they were homosexuals because he had been told not to.
There was another story about Billy Joel that Jimmy and Gary wanted to talk about. Gary told the story about how Billy Joel had shown up on Soupy Sales' show and Howard got kind of upset about that. Jimmy said that his job is to make sure that these artists are comfortable and don't get angry when they appear on shows. He said that he had to make sure that Billy didn't get into anything where he might get humiliated so he kept him from doing the Stern show. Gary said he just found out yesterday that it was actually Jimmy's call, not WNBC's call to put Billy on Soupy's show. At the time Howard thought it was NBC and ended up going off on people there.
Jimmy said that he's got a band he's promoting called City Sleeps and you can check them out at CitySleeps.com. He also said he's working on a Burt Bacharach cover album that he's working on and very excited about. The guys let Jimmy go after that.
Ralph said he actually likes Tony Danza's singing and enjoys the songs he's put out. He said he actually has his stuff on his S50 tuner.
JD came in and told the guys that Tony is out doing a tour with Don Rickles. The guys played JD's techno music theme song while he was in there. Gary said that music is ''ass pounding music'' to him. Jon moved on to the next segment where Robin read a news story about Tom Cruise and Scientology. The guys ended up goofing on Tom and his ''thetin 7'' rating. Cruise claimed that he didn't get sick as often anymore ever since moving up to that level in the Scientology church.
Jon said he thought Howard made a good point during that segment. He said that the religion is no wackier than any other religion out there. They're all made up stories. Gary thought that the Thetin 7 is no different than Riley Martin's Biahvian stories.
In the clip Artie talked about how he had asked Dana out 5 or 6 times and eventually she agreed to go out with him.
After playing the clip the guy spent a couple of minutes talking about the stuff that was going on in that clip. They were also saying that they're sure Artie will be happy again some day even though he's kind of in a bad place with Dana at this point. Gary said Artie apologized to him yesterday after he talked about the Friday Show not being all that great because the guys on the show aren't really hosts so that was one of the things that's wrong with the show. Jon had to go to break after that.
Jon got in a few plugs for the shows that they have airing on Howard 101 next week at 7pm. Sal's ''Kill or Be Killed'' will be on Monday night at 7.
Jon moved on to the next clip which was from earlier in the week when Howard talked about JD's techno music. That led to the music becoming JD's new theme song.
Jon and Richard talked about the day they heard JD playing that music in his office and how that all went down. Richard said the song is like an hour long and that was only a few minutes out of that 60 minutes. Gary said he remembers hearing that kind of music playing in classes at the gym he goes to. He didn't realize that's the actual music, he thought it was being sped up for the classes he's seen there at the gym.
JD said he can actually chill while listening to the music. The other guys were saying that would get them all revved up at a club or something. JD said that particular song is a little gayer than what he usually listens to as far as techno music.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that they seem to play too much stuff from recent shows and maybe Howard thinks his fans forget about stuff. He was talking about the stuff he likes so Gary told the guy they'll have some of the classic K-Rock tapes coming on the show soon. Ralph said that they may be playing some stuff that's too new and that's one of his complaints. Jon said they did pull some Meet the Sterns and WNBC stuff. They try and mix it up so people can get a variety of things from the show.
The caller was going on a little long so Gary cut him off and said they get that he doesn't like some of the stuff they do on Bubba's show and on the Friday Show. Not everyone is going to like everything they have on the channels.
Jon took another call from a guy who thinks they're doing things the right way. He doesn't get the people bitching and complaining. If they don't like it, they don't have to listen. The guy said he drives a truck and gets to listen to Howard's show and to Bubba's show.
Another caller told Ralph that he thinks he got a taste of some of the crap he's done to people over the years during yesterday's show. He brought up the evaluations that Ralph does and asked him if he thinks that he goes a little too far with that stuff. Ralph said the girls are coming in to get the evaluations and he's not going up to them on the street or something. The caller was also saying that he didn't feel too bad for Ralph when people were going off on him yesterday. Jon had to take another break after that.
Jon moved on to the next segment which was Sal and Richard's Rejected Bits. Gary explained how they get a lot of requests from authors to appear on the show but they send some of them to Sal and Richard to do their ''Jack and Rod Show'' thing with them. In this call the author has an accent and says the word ''focus'' but it sounds like ''fuck us'' so they ask him to be careful with the language. They jerk the guy around about some of the stuff he was saying. They caught him on the ''focus'' thing again and warned him to be careful. The guy was trying to tell them that he wasn't cursing but they kept jerking him around.
Gary said he was amused by it but Howard didn't like the bit enough to put it on the show. Ralph thought it was kind of funny but not for Howard's show. It would have been better if it was a little shorter. Ralph said it would be a keeper if they edited it down a little. Gary agreed because it was making him laugh.
Jon took some phone calls and one guy said that the bit was good but a little long. Sal said they'd trim it down by about a minute and try to get it on again. Another guy said that he loves all of their bits. The guy also told them that they should call the public access shows more. Ralph said that they do call so much that they were making phone calls during lunch yesterday.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that they may have screwed up on something today. He thought that the Caller of the Week wasn't really a 'caller' it was Sal pulling a prank. Gary said that was part of the joke and it was a phone call. The guy thought that they really should have a real caller as the caller of the week.
Ralph said he loves that clip because Sal is talking about how much he loves the band and then calls them a stupid clown act. Gene also remembered the story so Sal must have felt pretty good about that. Gary was convinced that Gene wouldn't remember that show but he remembered a lot of the details about it. Ralph said he remembers going to KISS concerts but he never thought about fucking with them while they're performing. Sal said he actually shot spit balls at one of the guys during one concert. He didn't mess with them at every concert he went to. Sal said he saw them enough to know when Gene would fly into the air from the stage so that's how he timed the faces he was making.
Sal remembered getting the tickets to the show from the pit boss at the casino he was at that day. He had just lost $8,000 playing a game so they gave him the tickets no problem. Jon took a call from a guy who said he's a big fan of the band and he doesn't think that Sal should be busting on Gene so much. He said that Gene knows he's an asshole and busting his balls the way he does it just going too far.
Gary was laughing and said that he'd understand the conversation if they were throwing around the names John, Paul, George and Ringo instead of Gene and Ace. Jon wrapped up that call a short time later and said that was enough of the KISS love fest. He had to go to break a short time later.
Jon brought up Johnny Fratto who was on the show recently and telling a bunch of stories about his father being in the mob. Jon played a clip of Johnny talking about his father bringing home a space capsule that had probably been hi-jacked. They had a few of Johnny's stories in there on top of that one.
The guys talked about how great Johnny is on the show with those stories and how he sounds like a character actor or something. They played another clip where Johnny talked about his landlord and how he got him back in line about a dog that was staying in his apartment by telling him it was a cat.
Jon said that Johnny reminds him of a Dennis Farina character he did in Midnight Run. He went on to say that KC had called in that same day to talk about his strange behavior. KC was living with Johnny's son at the time so his son had a bunch of stories about KC to tell. He played the audio from some of KC's call that day.
Jon asked Gary how KC is doing. Gary said he's actually coming in to do the show in a couple of weeks. They're going to let him do a little presentation of his new comedy stuff with porn stars and comedians. Jon said he can picture KC carrying around the giant monitor that was brought up in that discussion they just replayed.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he's been a fan of the show for a long time and he's very lucky because he can listen to the show in the morning on the way to work and then on the way home he catches what he missed during work. He thinks that everyone on the Friday Show is great and it's worth every penny to hear all of the stuff he gets to hear. The guy asked if Howard TV will ever get to satellite TV. Gary said it might happen some day but right now it's just on digital cable.
Gary said he's got a friend who is a fan of the show but not a huge fan. He gets up and listens for a short time but then starts listening later and tries to catch the replays during the rest of the day and it can really consume your life. The guys spent a minute talking about that and then Jon went to break.
The caller also asked Richard how KC looked the last time he was there. Richard said KC is still looking good and staying in shape. The guy asked Gary and the guys about a comment that Howard made about having some of his competitors buried over the years by having publicists do the job for him. Gary said he thinks that Howard was just joking around about that stuff.
Jon asked the guys what they were going to be doing this weekend. Sal got in a plug for a comedy show he had coming up. Richard said he'll just be hanging out. Gary said he'll be taking his niece and her boyfriend to see the Goo Goo Dolls and Counting Crows concert. He said he got goofed on earlier about that when he talked about it off the air. Ralph said he thinks he'll be going out to the Sam Simon estate over the weekend. Jon ended the show around 10:45am.