Howard and the guys were back from their summer vacation. Howard made sure everyone knew that when he announced it was a live show. He said that they were making a sacrifice by coming back for the audience. He said they get 10 weeks of vacation a year and they could have taken off another 2 weeks if they wanted to.
Howard said the temperature in New York City was supposed to top 100 degrees today and then went on to talk about how he's pretty sure that they don't need to be there live anymore with all of the good shows they've done since they got there. He had been tuning in to hear the show over the vacation and thought all of the shows he heard were great.
Howard said he heard a lot about Artie during vacation since he was busy out in Las Vegas and Atlantic City while they were away. Howard thought Artie had lost quite a few pounds over vacation too. Robin asked him to stand up to show off his weight loss but Howard noticed his pants were falling down so he asked him to pull them up.
Howard said Artie was offered the chance to appear on the HBO show ''Entourage'' and he was asked to lose a few pounds so that's just what he's been trying to do over the past couple of weeks. Howard predicted that he would gain weight and only get back down to the weight that he was at before the vacation.
Artie told the guys that he was pretty good at dieting until he went to the all star game out in Pittsburgh. He said he was eating a wide variety of crappy food out there. He said he had a chicken tenders platter with giant French fries, a waffle cone with ice cream... He said the portions are huge out there too. He said the woman who was working the counter out there was huge. She had ''four arms'' according to Artie. He said she gave him a mountain of ice cream on that thing.
Artie said he had the waffle cone and figured that was enough junk for him but it was just the second inning. Howard asked him if he had to shit after eating all of that crap. Artie said he's been to about 400 Yankee games but he's only had to shit once and that was an emergency.
Jon Hein was at the all star game with Artie and he brought a bunch of food with him and it looked so good that Artie had to go and get more stuff. He got a grilled cheese sandwich, some Cracker Jack and by the 5th inning he went back and got peanuts. Then he said he had about 4 enormous Coke's and then saw people with pizza so he had to get a couple slices of pizza. Howard wondered how he didn't shit after that. Artie had also mentioned that he had a foot long hot dog in there.
Jon Hein came in and said that everyone was screaming at Artie and asking for pictures so he was carrying his food and taking pictures with people. Howard wondered if people were saying that they miss Artie on the radio. Jon and Artie said that everyone seemed to have SIRIUS and they all knew what was going on lately on the show. Jon said that the people taking pictures were thrilled because they got pictures of him with this food spilling over his arm.
Artie said that he had gotten this hot dog and 2 cheeseburgers and ended up dropping one of the burgers. A guy near him gave him the ''5 second rule'' but Artie didn't pick it up and take it.
Howard brought up this whole ''Entourage'' thing and said that he wasn't going to get into it with him again like he did last year. Artie is going to miss out on 2 days of work this week because he has to fly out to California to shoot the show. Artie said that's why he has representation and he's supposed to take care of that stuff. Artie said he has to ask Howard about another thing. He said he can go do a roast for William Shatner but he'd have to fly in on a red-eye flight and he'd be about 2 hours late the next morning.
Howard told Artie to do what he wants because he doesn't want him to go mental again like he did last year. Artie thinks it would be great to do the William Shatner thing. Howard told him to do what he wants.
Artie said he joined a basketball league and he's been playing so he can lose a few pounds. He's been playing and can last until about 8-9 points. Howard explained how they weighed Artie before going on vacation and how he had gained a pound from the time they weighed him in the morning until the end of the show.
Howard found a new song parody about Artie's weight and played that. It was about his pancake eating right before they had gone on vacation. Howard wanted Artie to weigh himself again but Artie wanted to wait until tomorrow since that's the day he's leaving to go out to shoot the movie. Artie got on the scale and Howard told him he had lost a whopping 3 pounds. He was still up at 274 pounds! Howard told him he was going to weigh about the same by the time he left and he was almost right.
Artie said that the chick he's going to be making out with in Entourage is this chick Leslie Bibb. Howard said she played a page in Private Parts and then went on to get her own show. He said she's pretty hot but she may be a little uptight. Artie figures she'll ask for more money to make out with Artie. Howard said he used to have to pay girls extra money to make out with Tim Stack in ''Son of the Beach'' because the women were so turned off. He said that Tim would walk around all depressed after hearing that the girls didn't want to make out with him.
Fred looked up some pictures and information about Leslie and shot them over to Howard and Artie. Robin said it appears that she's not as uptight as she used to be. Artie said they are supposed to really be going at it in the scene that he's doing for Entourage. Howard told him he should make sure he grabs a tit in the scene. He told him how he worked that into Private Parts when he was shooting scenes with Mary McCormack.
Artie said he still thinks that Dana will come to her senses and they will eventually get back together. He said he's not going to talk about if he's having sex or not. Howard said that means he had sex. Artie just laughed. Howard asked him if he had sex out in Vegas. Artie said he hasn't been there since they were on vacation so he didn't do anything out there. He was down in Atlantic City though. That led to him talking about how Atlantic City casinos were shut down around the time he was down there because the New Jersey Government was shut down temporarily and the casinos had to close down.
Artie said he had a lot of fun working with Dice Clay down in Atlantic City. He said he did about 20 minutes before Dice did his thing. Howard asked him if the crowd was pissed when he got off the stage. Artie didn't say but he was saying that he didn't get paid all that well for the gig. He said he got five grand but hasn't gotten the money yet. Dice was supposed to pay him according to Artie. He said that Dice must have gotten a lot of money for the gig. He was hoping to get about $7,500 or $10,000 for his part. He figures that Dice got about $30,000 or so.
Artie said that he's paid guys out of his pay from the night he works and that's what he was expecting. He said Dice hasn't sent him a check yet but he does have his information. Robin asked Artie about what happened with Dustin ''Screech'' Diamond since he offered him a gig out in Pittsburgh. Artie said Dustin didn't show up because he had some other gig he was stuck in but he didn't call and let him know. Artie said he was fine with that and it gave him a few minutes of material for his show.
Artie said he's kind of pissed off, an insane amount, about Dice not paying him. Robin said she was reading a story about Artie doing a show out in Vegas because his shows sell out very quickly and no one wants to see anything but Artie.
Howard asked Artie about getting laid again but Artie said he can't be honest about it so he should stop asking. He changed subjects and got back to the Dice thing. He said he's actually seething mad that he hasn't gotten paid yet. He's also kind of bummed about the amount of money he's getting. Howard said he thinks it should have been a 50/50 split because he's just as big of a draw as Dice is.
Artie said he always pays guys the same night when he pays other comedians for doing gigs with him. Artie said he'll probably be booking himself down there at the Borgata at the end of August so he'll make some good money then. Howard thinks they should call Dice today and bust his balls about that.
Howard said he also read a book called ''A Confederacy of Dunces'' and he's really liking it. He said that the guy who wrote it wasn't even alive to enjoy his fame because he had passed away before the stuff was even published. Howard said he's about half way through the book right now so he didn't want Artie to spoil any of the book for him.
Artie mentioned that Robin was on a list of the best sidekicks out there. Ed McMahon was number one and Robin said she was kind of pissed that she wasn't up there at number one. Howard mentioned that Robin went to Italy over vacation and fell in love with the country.
Robin said that she went to the bathroom at a place where they had a Turkish bathroom where you have to squat to go to the bathroom. She said the toilet is basically in the ground and it's not good. Gary came in and said that he's been to those things and it's shocking to see that you have to crap in the floor.
Richard Christy also came in and said he's been to those things when he was touring with his band. Howard heard that Richard once shit in a can and then baked it in the oven while he was on tour. Richard said that's the kind of stuff you do when you're on tour. Howard said that most bands bang groupies, not cook their shit. Richard said it was a real boring show so they wanted to spice things up a bit. He said he shit in this Folgers can and put it in the oven and filled the place up with smoke that smelled awful. He said after it was cooked it was wild looking because it was like little rabbit pellets.
Artie said that Robin was telling some gross bathroom stories and Richard came in and easily topped it. Richard told another story about the band testing out a toilet by seeing how many guys could shit in the toilet without flushing. They over flowed the toilet with shit.
Howard said Richard went back home to Kansas over vacation and shot some video of his parent's chicken, Shithead, sitting on his dad's head pecking stuff off his nose. Howard said they usually have the chickens there to kill for food but Richard said that Shithead will probably be kept as a pet. Howard said that Richard had a pet cow when he was a little kid and they ended up killing it and eating it. Richard said he cried when that happened because it was a pet to him. He wasn't forced to eat the cow... but he ate it anyway. He said he got to keep the cow's eyeballs for a science project.
Howard said that must be why Richard is so screwed up. Artie said Richard is a nice guy but he really is strange. That led to him talking more about the day he and his band shit on the toilet. Richard said he has pictures of that shit toilet and he'll bring them in if he can find them. Howard said that was probably the band's greatest accomplishment too.
Howard said there's a new Miserable Men show tonight at 7pm on Howard 101. He said he was thinking about that show when he saw a news story about a guy who ended up blowing up his whole apartment building because he was so upset with his wife. That got them talking about that story. Howard said that if someone wants to kill themselves, they really shouldn't do things that are going to hurt other people. He said that this one woman walking by the building was hurt and he was very upset about it because the chick was hot.
Gary said there's actually video of the girl getting blown down the street by the explosion and it's pretty shocking. Howard said it's always amazing when people get divorced because people go to great extents to avoid paying their wives. He said it kills a guy when he has to give up half of his stuff to his wife. Howard said he's not being sympathetic with the guy but if you keep pushing guys in divorces, this is what it's going to come to. He said the guy was so against selling his own building that he was willing to blow it up before giving it to her.
Gary said the guy who blew himself up hated his Jewish wife so much that he was putting up swastikas in their house. Howard played some of the song parodies that Sal the Stockbroker has created about his wife as examples of how miserable guys can get in marriages. Sal really went off on his wife in two different songs. Gary said that the songs are like Sal's 25 page e-mails to his wife (referring to the guy who blew up his building).
Sal came in and said that he blacked out that night and doesn't remember any of this stuff. Shuli said Sal pulled his penis out at a bar they were at and there weren't even any chicks there. Sal said he was drunk, that was his excuse.
Shuli said that there was a car full of people who drove by them at a restaurant they were at and yelled out ''Hi, I'm Sal Governale... Fuck black people!'' and ended up pissing off some people at the restaurant.
Howard played one of the audio clips that Shuli got where Sal leaves a message for his wife telling her that the show ran late and he had to stay out in the area they were at. In another clip Sal is talking about the mother of one of the people whose house they were staying at and saying he had to bang her. He was talking to her kids asking how long it had been since their father died and then the mother comes in and Sal, who sounded extremely drunk, was saying he wanted to bang her.
Gary told Howard to play the next clip because it's the one where Sal gets naked and tries to go into the house. Howard played the clip and you hear this woman asking him not to go in like that. Shuli said Sal was standing there naked on the driveway of this families house and trying to go in. Sal said he really doesn't remember any of this stuff. He used the N-word at one point. There was another clip where he used ''chink'' when describing this Asian guy.
Howard asked Sal why he let his kids sit on the Sybian when they were up there. Sal said that so many hot chicks have been on that thing, he figured it would be cool for his sons to sit on it. Howard got back to the audio clips and played more of Sal rambling while he was drunk.
Shuli told Howard that they played a prank on Sal that night when he was passed out in the car. He said they all screamed after they slammed on the brakes to make it seem like they were going to crash. He said Sal got all freaked out and screamed like he was going to die.
Howard took some phone calls and one woman told Sal that he disgusts her. Another caller told Howard how great the show is and that led to Howard saying that SIRIUS announced that they had record subscriptions while they were on vacation so he spent a few seconds on that. They had to go to break after that.
After the break Howard had Lisa G come in with her Howard 100 News preview. Lisa said it's like All Sal All The Time there at Howard 100 News. She mentioned that Sal was there with his kids over vacation so she talked to the kids about Howard and their father. She said they'll also be talking to Sal about his thoughts on ''Dr. Boom'' who blew up his building so he wouldn't have to give it up to her.
Lisa said that Paris Hilton was up there at SIRIUS last week touring the studios so they'll have some of the guy's comments as they were watching her to play on Howard 100 News. Robin spent a minute talking about her and mentioned that her song is getting a lot of air play. Howard played Paris' song and asked if she's performed it anywhere live. Robin said she won't perform that song live anywhere.
Howard went through his Top 5 Songs which included songs by Young Jock, Shakira, Gnarles Barkley and others. Howard's notes said that it was ''Gnarly Barkley'' so Gary had to let Howard know he was wrong. Howard said he's kind of pissed about that because he doesn't like to sound like an old man who is out of touch. Artie said he thinks Howard is cooler for not knowing the right name. Howard heard that Scott the Engineer was the one who screwed that up so he went off on him for a short time.
Scott came in and tried to defend himself saying that he made a typo. He called Howard a ball buster and said he had put the list up on his computer screen to make sure he had it. Howard had a print out that he reads, not the computer. They figured that Scott was basically saying that he wants Howard to proof read his notes. Howard yelled at him and told him to go back to his studio.
Hook Nose Mike called in and said with Scott screwing up the top 5 list it sounded like a repeat because he screws it up every week. Howard took another call from a guy who brought up Nelly Furtado and how hot she is in her video. They spent a short time talking about her. Howard was saying that Nelly is really short but he kind of wishes they were around back in the cave man days when you could just walk up to a woman and put your penis in them. He figures he'd never get laid though because the other guys would fight him off. He said the woman might be doing laundry on a rock somewhere and you just walk up and start fucking her. Robin wondered what laundry she'd be doing in cave man days though.
Gary told Howard they have some new Paris Hilton songs to play. The record company sent out some samples of her music. Howard played one of her songs and Robin said she wanted to throw up when she heard them. She said that she's just talking in those songs, she's not singing. Howard played another one where Paris performs with Fat Joe but he only lasted about 10 seconds before he said that it was enough. Robin said that they had Paris up there doing a countdown but you couldn't even understand what she was saying because of the way she talks. Lisa G finished up her report a short time later.
Howard had another clip from Larry King's show where Kathy Griffin was interviewed. Kathy finally talks about her divorce with Larry. She said that she found out that her husband was stealing money from her purse while she slept. She said that he stole about $72,000 over the course of about 18 months. Kathy said he admitted it to her and apologized to her. She wasn't sure why he needed the money because he has a job and makes okay money.
Robin said Larry must know what that's like because he can't be getting laid for free. She figures that he knows exactly what Kathy is talking about. Larry was telling Kathy that the $72,000 doesn't really seem like all that much money to him for that time period. Howard said it's like Larry is just brushing it off like it's no big deal.
Robin and Howard were talking about the crazy stuff that celebrities do in their marriages and how it seems like a lot of them just go out and cheat. Howard was saying that if a woman is taking money out of her husband's wallet, it's just part of marriage. If a guy takes money from his wife's purse, it's somehow wrong. He wants to get Kathy in there to yell at her about that.
Howard said he went to a party that Ron Perlman threw. He said he took Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman to the party since they were staying with him over vacation. Artie said he was going to hang out with them too but didn't make it. He didn't want to be the 5th wheel with Howard and Beth and Jimmy and Sarah. Howard told him that they just wanted him to hang out and hanging out with Sarah and Jimmy is like hanging out with two dudes.
Howard said that Fred came over and hung out a little bit with his wife. Fred said that he had a feeling that Artie wouldn't show up to anything like that because he doesn't have a significant other. Howard said that Beth was on the cover of Hamptons magazine and they went to a party for that. He didn't want to be there because people tend to avoid him and won't sit with him. Robin said she's witnessed that at parties when no one will sit with him. Howard said it's kind of weird and people won't even sit with him in his own home.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and asked if it was true that he was at a party with Star Jones. Howard said he didn't know that Star was there but he was told that she was supposedly at the Ron Perlman party. She started to ramble a little too much so Howard hung up on her and said he can only take Mariann in small doses.
Howard got back to his discussion about Gwyneth Paltrow and said he had a nice discussion with her. He also ran into Renee Zellwegger and spent a few minutes talking to her. He couldn't remember what they talked about because he was pretty wasted from drinking so much. He said he was drunk just about every night of the vacation. Artie thought that was pretty funny since he was doing the same thing.
Howard said that Mancow also claims he's the biggest thing in radio but he's not on anywhere. The guy also says he doesn't get why Howard Stern gets an hour on David Letterman's show. Howard said that's because he's insanely popular, that's why he's getting an hour on Letterman. Gary said that Mancow also claims that he was offered the job to replace Howard Stern when he left terrestrial radio but Gary said he doesn't know if that's true or not. Howard said it's not true.
Howard played an audio clip of Mancow doing an interview where he talks about what he wants to do with his show and why he's glad he was let go from this station in Chicago. Howard didn't understand why the station would fire this guy if he was so great. He called Tim Sabean in to find out what they're missing. Gary brought Tim in a short time later so they could question him about it.
Tim Sabean said that the station in Chicago fired Mancow because ''he sucked.'' He didn't have any other real reason to give Howard. He said that Mancow did beat Howard in one of the demographics when they were on against each other but that was it.
Howard got back to the audio clips of Mancow bragging about how he was going to have record high ratings in the next ratings book. Howard then pointed out that Mancow once sent him a box of excrement so he got on the air and said he wanted to fuck his dead father's skull which shut the guy up. He doesn't care now even if they give Mancow a show in New York City on FM radio. He said that FM radio sucks and it doesn't matter now.
Howard said that Clear Channel is making all of their on-air talent sign agreements that say that if they get fines, they indemnify the company from paying fines and the talent has to pay the fines themselves. Howard said he would sign it and just not pay the company. It can't possibly stand up in court.
Howard played another clip where Mancow was saying he had an 11.2 rating in the last book. Howard said he never backs that up and no one challenges it. Howard said if that's the case, he's going to say that he has a 25. In the clip Mancow was rambling about some church that he goes to and how he doesn't want to do voyeuristic radio anymore. He said he's moving away from the ''easy stuff'' on radio and he's doing it differently now.
Robin said that what he's talking about is exactly what they were trying to get away from in FM radio. The FCC fines and making radio boring. The guy was saying he's changed since 9/11. He's now a father and he's much different now. Mancow said he wants to stay in Chicago and do his show even though he's got offers in L.A. and New York City.
At one point Mancow is saying that he's going to do for FM radio what Rush Limbaugh did for AM radio. Howard said that he thought he already did that himself. He said he had to go to a commercial break but ended up talking about how he's got a lot of stuff going on this week since he was slacking off for the past 2 weeks on vacation. They're going to figure out who they're going to put in charge of the classic K-Rock tapes and things like that. He went to break a short time later.
Howard had this guy Nick on the phone who helped Beth's brother after he ripped open his hand on some glass over vacation. The guy is a nurse practitioner and told the guys that he's not gay. Howard said that Nick did a good job and he wanted to thank him for everything he did.
Nick said that he wanted to tell everyone who has joined SIRIUS that Howard is a nice guy and he's very happy to have met him. He also said that Beth was so good looking that it was hurting his eyes. Howard thanked Nick again and Nick thanked him for making his day.
Howard said that Beth asked him to go to the hospital because she figured they might get some better help if he was there. Fred said he went there last year and sat there for about an hour and a half with his daughter bleeding from her chin.
Howard said bringing a hot chick to the hospital helps. He said he told Nick that he wanted to send him something but Nick didn't want anything so he suggested to Beth that she show him her tits or something. That didn't happen though.
Howard said he saw a story about ''Hillary Skank'' (Swank) and how she dumped her husband Chad Lowe because he was having some substance abuse problems. He said he didn't have a problem with Hillary until he read this story. They went through this divorce and that happens to couples so it was no big deal. Then she did this interview with Vanity Fair and brought up the drinking problem her husband allegedly had. She said that it was from four years ago and that was one of the reasons that she left him. Howard said that wasn't any of her story to tell and she had no business putting it out there like she did.
Howard said Hillary is going to go on with her perfect life and this poor guy Chad has to have that out there. Howard said Hillary should have just gone on with her life and left him out of it. If her pussy smelled Chad probably wouldn't go out there and tell everyone that's why he was drinking. He said he would like to have Chad on the show and he'd give him a big hug and a kiss to support him. Robin thinks that Howard would kiss Hillary's ass if he ever met her. He claims he wouldn't do that though. Howard read that Chad is trying to get his life together and he's directing a movie and his ex-wife has to come out with something like that.
Howard read a story about how SIRIUS had more subscription sign-ups than XM did in the second quarter of this year. Howard thanked everyone for signing up. He also said that people were saying that the Stern Effect was going to stop but it's obviously not over.
Robin said she just got a new car, a Corvette (Z06), that was supposed to have SIRIUS but they had the wrong one in the vehicle. GM only offers XM for their customers. Howard read more of the article that says XM is going to have trouble meeting their goals of 8.5 million for the end of this year. SIRIUS is crushing XM in the market according to someone quoted in the article. Some people are saying that the two satellite companies should merge but Howard just said ''fuck-em'' to XM.
Howard read an article about the Spanish stations out there that are cursing in Spanish and getting away with it since the FCC isn't fining them. Howard said it makes their show seem like the 700 club when you read what the Spanish stations are talking about. The article basically said that the FCC isn't fining them because they can't find anyone to interpret the shows.
Howard read an article about Katie Couric who is going to be starting on CBS soon. He read through that and Artie wasn't showing any interest so he moved on to some Gary Garver interviews.
Up next was Danny Clark from the Oakland Raiders. Artie had no idea who he was or who Chris Paul was so Howard was kind of bummed because he thought this was a big deal. He played the audio where Garver interviewed him and asked him if he abstains from sex before football. The guy said he does that 2 days ahead of time. He was asked if he'd be uncomfortable around gay players. Danny said as long as they don't come near him, he's fine. Garver asked him a few other questions and Danny thought they were pretty crazy. Garver asked the guy to get the team in line so they can win some games.
Artie said he'd bet on the team because Garver was saying that they're a 60-1 bet to win the Super Bowl. Artie is going to put down $1000 when he goes out to Vegas on that one. Howard asked him to do the same for him. Will came in and said that the bet is a retarded bet because there's no chance that the Raiders are going to make it to the Super Bowl. They spent a couple of minutes talking about that and then Howard got back to Garver's interviews.
Up next was Leon Spinks. Garver asked him some questions but Spink's answers were pretty much unintelligible. Garver asked him if his private parts are shaved and some other crazy stuff like that. He asked him to describe Howard Stern in one word and Spinks said ''Nasty.''
Garver ran into Pat O'Brien but as soon as Garver brought up the incident, he had to run. Pat ran away when Gary asked him what he thinks about Howard playing those tapes. Pat said ''That's the History Channel at this point...'' as he ran off. Howard played some of those Pat O'Brien clips and song parodies as a reminder. Howard said he'd like to interview Pat's girlfriend that he was talking about in those tapes.
Howard got back to Garver's interviews and the next person up was Shaun Alexander. Garver asked him the question about the gay teammate and some questions about if he knows any openly gay athletes. Shaun said he knows some gay guys and wouldn't have a problem with them. He was also asked about banging groupies and he claims that he was a virgin until he got married at the age of 25. Garver asked him a few more questions and he stuck around and answered them all. The questions were really dumb according to Artie and Howard but the guys were answering them like they were legitimate questions.
Howard said he wanted Scott to pull the audio from the last day at K-Rock so they could listen to everyone's speeches since they didn't really hear them all. Scott told Howard he did pull them all and he sent him a note. Howard said he ignores all of his notes so he didn't read it.
Howard played the first clip which was his sister Ellen's speech about her brother's final day there at K-Rock. He was about to stop it because he was getting a little uncomfortable but once she started to speak, he thought it was really good. He said his sister came to life and he didn't even recognize her. She was talking about how excited Howard was to be leaving and how the FCC wouldn't be interfering anymore. She gave them an ''F-You FCC!'' during the speech.
Howard said he has to thank his sister for the speech. He hadn't heard it until today so he had no idea how great it was. After Ellen was done Howard's father got up and said he didn't know what to say after a speech like that. Howard said that's what his father does at any event. He went on to talk about how he had a gathering with his family over vacation and got up in front of them and told them how much he loves them and all of that. It was his father's 83rd birthday and he was trying to be touching but his father was joking around and saying ''ditto'' when he said he loves them.
Howard got back to the audio of his father Ben's speech from the final K-Rock show. Ben did a quick speech thanking everyone and then Howard's mother Ray got up and made her speech while the crowd was yelling out stuff to her. Ray went on for a couple of minutes and Howard thought her speech was very nice as well. He's glad he finally got to hear them.
Howard said it was nice to have his mom, dad and sister there with him that day. He said he didn't hear Elephant Boy's speech so he wanted to hear that one as well. In his clip we hear the late Cliff Palette and Elephant Boy making their speeches. Elephant Boy gave a ''Free at last'' speech as a tribute to Martin Luther King. Then Cliff got up and gave his unintelligible speech. Howard said he can't believe that Cliff went and died on him, he was a gold mine. Howard said that was the best speech ever. He said he should have let all of that just play out on the air. They played Cliff's cover of ''For Those About To Rock'' and then said he had a bunch of other speeches that never aired on that final day.
Howard told Gary to remind him to play some of those speeches that they didn't get to on that final show. Miss Howard Stern, Elliot Offen and many others made speeches that didn't get on the air. Before going to break Howard played a prank call that the guys made to a sex phone line using Pat O'Brien audio clips. The woman on the phone had to bail out on the call when they played Pat talking about getting some coke because it's against the rules. They had to go to break right after that.
Robin said that when she was over in Italy she had to say Ariva Derci a lot and she couldn't stop thinking about Crazy Alice saying ''Ariva derci cocksucker'' but she did have to leave off the cocksucker part. Howard played some of the Crazy Alice parodies and clips after that came up.
Howard had Jon Hein and George Flowers come in with their show previews. He said that he really wanted to end the show by 10:30 or so today but Robin said that was going to be very tough since it was 10:05 already.
George Flowers was up first with his Howard 100 News preview. He mentioned the stories that they were going to be covering today on Howard 100 News. Most of the stuff was mentioned by Lisa G earlier in the morning. Jon Hein was up next with his Wrap Up Show preview. He said they'll be talking about what everyone did during their break and also about what people think now that the show is back live. They'll also talk about Artie's problem not getting paid by Dice Clay and a few other things.
Howard thanked Jon and George for their updates and then gave a quick rundown of the things they have coming up on tomorrow's show. He mentioned some of the audio clips and things that he'll be playing tomorrow.
The caller was annoying Howard so he had to hang up on him even though he had that great info about Robin's boat. Howard said what's really killing him is that Jim Carrey is dating Jenny McCarthy right now. Artie said he's upset because they're listing her as a ''comedienne'' because she's perhaps one of the most unfunny people he's ever seen. He said now that she's dating an A-lister though, she'll probably be making movies now.
Howard said that he could have banged Jenny because he thought that she said that she would bang him any time he wanted. He thought she said it on the air but Artie and Robin though that was new news that they had never heard before.
Howard got back to the story about Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy and said he has to put a stop to that or it will drive him nuts. He also read a story about CBS Radio having to lay off 115 people. He said he was surprised when he saw some of the people who were fired. He believes that they're getting ready to sell off a bunch of their stations and they're cutting costs to make that happen.
Howard said that Jillian Barberie got married while they were away. He said she married some guy that she'd only known for 6 months. Robin said ''Uh oh!'' when she heard that she only knew him for 6 months. She also joked and said that she'd better watch her purse (referring to the Kathy Griffin story from early this morning).
Robin went through her news stories and wrapped up around 10:50. Howard ended the show a short time later.
Howard started off the show talking about the Grover week in review rap song. Grover mentioned that Artie and Dana had broken up so the guys spent a minute on that subject. They talked about some of the other things mentioned in the song and moved on to some audio clips. Howard said he was going to pretend that it's still yesterday and continue where he left off there.
Howard complained about a wire under his console that was in his way and distracting him. He asked the guys to take care of that and then replayed an audio clip he played yesterday where it sounds like Larry King farted on the air as he was reading a promo. He played that a couple of times so they could try and figure out if it was a real fart or not.
Howard brought up how CBS Radio fired 115 people last week. He didn't think that they were that fat of a company because they had guys running more than one radio station in different markets. He read an article about how the company is down by about $100 million due to losing his show in New York City. He said they told him he wasn't that important to them but obviously he was. He's very surprised to see that $100 million in advertising losses and they've only been gone for about 6 months.
Howard said that Carmen Electra and Dave Navarro are splitting up and Dave has apparently had a girlfriend for about 5 months now. He saw a picture of her on PerezHilton.com and she's no Carmen Electra. He said that's the way it should be with Carmen though, she shouldn't be married to anyone.
Howard said he had a meeting with Tim and Gary yesterday about hiring someone for the job of taking care of those old K-Rock tapes. He said he wants Tim to handle that stuff so he doesn't have to be involved. Gary told Howard that they have 4 interviews today with some people and they should have someone hired by the end of the day.
Howard read a note he got from a guy who sent him $1,000 to donate to the North Shore Animal League. He read a nice note the guy sent along with the money and thanked him for that.
Howard said he was reading some story about morning radio programs and how they prepare for the morning. He said there's some producer who was talking about the way they prepare for the Z-100 morning show and how they read the paper and watch TV to prepare for the show. He said they still suck when they do that though so it's kind of funny that they're wasting their time thinking they're preparing for the show. The guys spent some time talking about Brent Hatley from Bubba the Love Sponge's show and how great he is at preparing stuff for Bubba.
Howard has started to watch the new Rock Star Supernova show even though it's so boring. He said he's hooked into the show even though it's so boring and pointless. He said the band isn't even a real band and people are trying to get into it. He said they don't have any fans, no songs and people are still trying to get into it.
Howard read an article about Nelly Furtado where she claims that she's bi-sexual. He said that really turned him on when he read it. He also read that she wants her own float in the gay pride parade and he thought that was going a little too far.
Howard had another voice mail that Richard Christy left for JD over vacation. Richard was drunk when he called. He told JD to come out and go drinking with him at Steve Grillo's bar. He rambled on for a short time. In another voice mail Sour Shoes the one man band left a new Baba Booey song parody that Howard called one of the most annoying things he's heard.
Sal the Stockbroker called JD and left a message asking him to let him know if there were any cable access shows on so he could call from his basement and not wake his wife up. He wanted to call the cable access preacher to tell him that his wife has cancer of the pussy.
Richard Christy called a preacher on a call in show and asked him if it was a sin to pump off to his girlfriend if they're not married yet. The Preacher told him that it was a sin to have any type of sex without sharing it with a wife. The guy said he was going to pray for Richard after that was brought up. The next night they stopped taking phone calls and would only take people's names to pray for them. Some people called in with some goofy names. Sal called in with one and some unknown person called in with a Pat Ophelia name. Sal called in as Dick Bukkake from Ballsack, Kentucky. Artie suggested a couple of names like Ed Shitsucker from Lick My Cunt, Connecticut. Howard told him he should be calling these shows with material like that.
Howard had another prank call that Richard made to a tele-psychic. Richard told the guy he was going to prison in 2 weeks after getting caught selling grass near a school. He asked if he was going to get fucked in the ass when he goes to prison. The psychic told him that he may get 5 or 10 years in jail if he keeps his mind straight... but he can't keep his mind straight because it's been messed up for a long time.
Richard told Howard he had another prank call he made to the preacher that should have been on his computer. Howard had some trouble finding it but it eventually came up. He played the call where Richard, as ''Rusty,'' tells the preacher that he believes in evolution because there are people out there who do animal like things like eating their own poop and things like that. The preacher told him that's immaturity and asked him where he thinks they go when they die. Rusty told him that he thinks they go to Baba Booey Land. Howard thought that Baba Booey Land sounded kind of cool, he'd like to go there if it exists. It's more believable than getting 77 virgins when you die.
Howard said he finds it funny that religious freaks like that don't believe in science and won't have any part of it. They refuse to believe in evolution or anything like that. He moved on to another audio clip where a fan walked by a live news reporter and yelled out Baba Booey.
Howard said he had a clip of John Edwards the psychic being interviewed by Regis and Kelly who were taking him seriously. Edwards was telling them that his 4 year old son is showing some signs that he might be psychic like he is. Edwards seems to think that his psychic powers are hereditary. Howard and the guys goofed on Edwards and how Regis and Kelly bought right into that nonsense.
Howard heard that the Wayans brothers are going to be making a Munsters movie. He played an audio clip where the guys talked about how they'll be writing and producing the movie. The guys were actually very funny in their interview making fun of the whole Munsters idea and how they must have been black with a house that none of the neighbors wanted to visit. They said Spot was just a pit bull and who else would have a grandfather living in the basement?
A woman called in and told Howard that she was on the John Edwards show back when he was on the Sci-Fi channel and she ended up jerking him around by not answering the questions. She said she had to sit there for 6 hours while he was trying to drag information out of people. Robin said that they do a 6 hour show and then chop it down to 30 minutes with the few things that he actually got out of people.
Gary said there was a guy who claimed to have worked on that show and he claimed that they handed out questionnaires to people and listened in on microphones to hear what people were saying before the show started.
Bong Hit Bill called in and asked Artie if Dice had paid Artie yet. Artie said his agent was supposed to talk to Dice but he hasn't heard back from him yet. Howard told him that they have Dice calling in today so they can ask him when that happens.
Joey Boots called in and told Howard he adopted a cat from the North Shore Animal League. He said you can go to BootsTracker.com and check him out at home. He's on the web cam 24 hours a day. Boots said he's getting a bunch of gifts from people for the cat. He also mentioned that he's been sober for 147 days now and he's enjoying that. Howard said the guys from In Demand were having trouble getting on the web site. Boots said it's up, they probably just need to download the Java thing.
Gary wanted to tell Howard something but Fred started to play a new Baba Booey song parody. They sat through that whole thing even though Gary didn't want to hear it. He told Howard they had a bunch of audio clips to play including one from a news report about Christie Brinkley's marriage breakup. Her husband was apparently trying to date a 19 year old. Howard said he's met this guy a few times since they've gone to parties together out in The Hamptons.
Howard said he doesn't want to learn how to play any new games so he doesn't want to waste his time on something like that. Artie said he used to be really good at pool so Howard told him he was probably wasting a lot of time.
A caller told Howard that Lindsay Lohan was caught giving a blow job to her boyfriend and they were showing some pictures of her on G4. Howard hadn't heard about that. JD came in and said that those pictures were from a movie set, they weren't taken out in public. Fred played a couple of Napoleon Dynamite audio clips since JD sounds a little bit like him.
Howard ended up talking about an e-mail he sent to JD where he asked him what he was doing on his vacation. JD shot back and asked him why he wanted to know something like that, was he bored or something. Howard said he was just curious about what he was doing on vacation.
JD said that he was out with some of the interns one night during vacation and he heard from a few of them that they'd rather sleep with Jason Kaplan than with him. They were playing an F, Marry, Kill game. JD said he knows he's not good socially, that's why the girls turn him down. Howard said he thinks that JD is kind of a good looking guy but he needs to get some confidence.
Fred played a few more Napoleon Dynamite clips and goofed on JD a little more. Fred had a ton of clips from the movie and his attitude is very similar to JD's. JD said he wasn't trying to be hostile when he shot that e-mail back to Howard the other night. Howard told him to grow some hair because it doesn't help his look.
The In Demand guys had some video of JD dancing down at Hedonism so they played that for Howard and the guys. Gary came in and told Howard that Ivan Reitman was up there at the studio yesterday and when he introduced him to JD, he just sat there and said hello. Sal actually got up, grabbed both of Ivan's hands and told him how great it was to meet him. JD said he doesn't know how to greet people like that. He doesn't want to come off too crazy when he meets someone like that.
Richard had some audio of JD directing a couple of girls in a porn scene. In the clip JD just keeps saying ''There you go.'' over and over again during the scene. The In Demand guys had another clip of JD down at Hedonism where he went down a water slide and almost drowned. JD said he's not a good swimmer and he couldn't see where the water was so he was caught by surprise when he landed. Doug Goodstein came in and said that they've watched that video about 400 times and it gets funnier ever time. He also said they'll have that video and more of JD's Hedonism trip up on Howard TV On Demand in August. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard asked Gary where the clip of Blue Iris was where she talks about going to the hospital for her swollen feet and inability to urinate. Richard came in and said that on Sunday she informed him that she hadn't urinated in 4 days. That led to Artie doing his impression of Blue and talking about how she was sweating piss.
Howard took a call from a guy who mentioned Crazy Alice by saying ''Who dis?'' Howard played a new prank call that Sal did with a telemarketer that called him. He ended up putting her on the phone with Alice which was just audio clips of Alice cursing and going off on her. He had Alice asking the telemarketer ''Who dis?'' a few times before the telemarketer hung up on him.
Howard said he really hates telemarketers and can't imagine who buys stuff over the phone. He said he gets a ton of calls from telemarketers and he's really got to try and get it stopped.
The caller on the line said that he has to see that JD tape they played before the break. He's seen kids act like that when they go down water slides and he can't wait to see that on Howard TV.
Robin told Artie that if he does become her boyfriend, he'd probably have to go out to dinner with Siobhan. Siobhan said he really wouldn't have to do that though. Artie told her to give someone the number and maybe he'll give her a call. He said he gets the feeling that Siobhan is forcing her daughter to do this but she claims that's not the case. She said she just mentioned that to her daughter and she volunteered the number.
Siobhan asked if they still had that Meet the Shrink show going because she would like to talk to one. Howard asked what's up with that because the show seems to have vanished. Gary said they've tried out 3 or 4 shrinks and none of them really worked out. Howard said they should try out another one then.
Howard pictured Artie being trapped into a weird thing with Siobhan and her daughter where he'd get stuck in a dark bedroom with the two of them. Siobhan said that she's really not going to do anything weird like that. Howard saw a picture of her daughter and said that she's really hot. Siobhan was in the picture so Fred and Howard were goofing on her saying she looked like The Joker with the yellow teeth and lipstick on her face.
Howard said the interview got all cut up and it didn't come off very well. Gary said that people were saying that it may have been the gayest thing they'd ever seen. Howard said he didn't want to play it because it was really boring. He told Robin that she was going to be really bored by it but she still wanted to hear it so he played some of the clips.
In one clip they called Howard the ''King of all Boyfriends.'' In the interview they talked about Beth's 34th birthday party and spoke to Howard and Beth about her jewelry and stuff. Howard was commenting on some of the news stories they asked him about. Robin said that he sounded drunk in the interview. Howard said that's because he was drunk. He said they cut down the half hour interview to a minute or two and took out the funny stuff. He said the visual is better to see just how gay it is.
Lisa got back to her news preview so she talked about the stories they had coming up. She said that Will and Jason have a new story about how they heard that someone has plans to submit Robin's assistant into the Wack Packer contest. Lisa also said that Artie has a second movie coming out this summer called ''Waltzing Anna.'' Artie said he plays a lawyer in that movie and it comes out August 11th, about a month before ''Beer League.'' He said he's kind of upset that it's coming out this summer but the guys who made it were good guys.
Howard said he may go see ''Waltzing Anna'' and if he doesn't like that, he'll just skip ''Beer League.'' Artie said he thinks people should see both. Howard asked him who he's bringing to the premiere of the movie, Siobhan's daughter? Artie said it could be Siobhan and her daughter.
Lisa said they have a story about a female chess player who wants to give Howard some lessons. They also have the Riley Martin show on tonight at 7pm on Howard 101. Howard let Lisa go after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he thinks that they have some of the story a little wrong. He was getting technical with the case and saying that she could probably have a retaliation case and not a sexual harassment case on her hands.
Howard played the interview from the local FOX news where the 19 year old, Diana Bianci, talks about the working relationship she had with this Peter Cook guy. She said she knew he was married and she never expected the relationship to go where it did. She said she may be a little too trusting sometimes. The interviewer, Diana Scotto, tried to find out how she fell for Peter but her lawyer stopped her there. The lawyer then went on to say that Peter prayed on her vulnerability. Howard said that she was of legal age when she hooked up with the guy so she was legal at the time.
The 19 year old was saying that she was taking money from Peter and he put money down on a car she put in her name. Howard said this lawyer is going to have a tough time in court because the girl was taking that money. The lawyer said that she was also getting paid $50 an hour working at a toy store. She started out at $12 an hour and eventually went up to the $50 according to him.
Howard said he loves all of that, it's all a goof. Jessica Hahn called in and told Howard she was in a similar situation when she was young and she knew exactly what she was doing. Howard said that's right, people know what they're doing at that age. He also pointed out that Jessica has a guy who takes care of her now as well. They don't live in the same house but the guy takes care of her. He had to go to break after that.
Artie noticed that one of the girls had been in there before. Harmony Rose said that she was on the show for the fucking machines show back in March. Howard read some notes about the girls and found that Ariel and Harmony will walk behind Sandra on leashes like dogs if she wants. She'll also have them lick her feet and suck on her toes. She was also going to have them ride the Sybian for the guys if they wanted.
Howard had Sandra get the girls in leashes so she could walk them around like dogs. She was squeezing their breasts and pinching their nipples as she was putting their leashes on. Then she smacked their breasts. Ariel said she likes pain so it didn't bother her at all. Howard was liking what he was seeing. Artie said that one of the chick's tits were mesmerizing to him but he's not all that into the dominating thing.
Sandra had the girls barking like dogs and smacked them in the face as she demanded that they do what she wants. She was yelling at them to bark and stuff like that. Howard had Sandra walk them around like dogs. Artie said that these are the kind of dogs he likes.
Sandra took off her top and showed the guys her breasts. Howard told her she had nice ones like the other two girls did. One of the girls was forced to lick Sandra's ass. Gary said that Sandra is into some crazy stuff. She's done triple anal. That's getting f'd in the ass by 3 guys at the same time. Sandra said that she was on her back and had one guy on top, one on the left and one on the right doing her at the same time. She's also had a dildo in her ass and two guys in her vagina at the same time. Howard said that must take some expertise and wondered if she does it in her personal life. She said that she's actually married and doesn't do that kind of thing in her personal life.
Gary heard that she will actually give a guy oral after he's given her and another chick anal. Gary said he heard that Ariel likes to do her boyfriend, who is a transvestite, by putting on a strap-on. She also said that they will use things like telephones in hotel rooms to bang each other.
Harmony is single so Howard was happy to hear that because he doesn't want to hear about husbands and boyfriends. Gary told Howard that the girls claim they'll do anything so he asked them if they would lick his feet. He told them that he's got toe fungus and a bump on his foot that's really odd. The doctor told him that it's some kind of calcium deposit that would really hurt if he had it removed. Howard asked Sandra if she would force the girls to lick it. Sandra called Gary over to them and Howard told them that they're really hard core if they'll lick that ''smelly fuckin foot.''
The girls licked Gary's foot and he laughed as it was going on. He said he took a shower this morning and it was pretty clean. Gary said it's very weird having them doing that. Richard came in and told Howard that the blonde in some video and he wanted to suggest something to them. He said he hasn't cleaned his feet in a few days... Howard stopped him there and asked him how he can't take a shower for days. Richard asked the girls if they would be willing to lick pasta sauce off his feet. He also suggested that they let him fart in their face.
Sandra told Richard to come over to her and switch roles with the girls. He reluctantly went over and barked for her when she demanded it. She poured some of the pasta sauce on the floor and made him lick it. She wanted him to stick his tongue up her ass but he refused to do it. He started to gag and dry heave from the pasta sauce because he doesn't like it by itself. Then Will came in and poured the sauce all over Richard's head. Howard said that might force Richard to take a shower finally.
Howard asked the girls to give their web site plugs but Sandra didn't have one. She did have a plug for WhippedAss.com though. Howard gave the other girls a plug for Kink.com as well. He had to wrap up but Harmony and Sandra made out a little bit before the break.
Howard read some notes about Night and said that he thought that ''Unbreakable'' was better than ''The Sixth Sense'' and he thought that Bruce Willis did great there. Night said that ''Unbreakable'' made $250 million and ''The Sixth Sense'' made $666 million. Gary said that the $250 million was a worldwide amount so it only made about $100 million in the states.
Howard brought up ''Signs'' and that made $400 million. Then he made ''The Village'' and that made $270 million. Night said it was considered a flop but it was the third most profitable movie of that year. He's made $1.6 billion for Disney making these movies which is very impressive. Night said that's just in the theaters, he's made them another billion or so in DVD sales.
Howard asked Night why he used Ron Howard's daughter again in this new movie of his. Night said he likes to use people more than once sometimes.
Howard said that Night had an idea for this movie ''Lady in the Water'' which was based on a story he used to tell his kids about their home pool. Howard said he had a similar story he used to tell his kids about a ''bubble monster'' and he now knows he should have made a movie out of that. He went on and said that Night wrote the script and brought it to Disney. Night said he was contractually obligated to show them that script. The script was sent home with a couple of people and figured it was going to be fine. He wasn't quite finished with the script yet though and he needed another 3 months to finish it.
Howard asked Night if it was a mistake to send that raw script home with people. Night said it was a mistake and he now knows that a raw script shouldn't be sent out. Howard heard that Night got upset when he heard that one of the people who was supposed to read the script refused to read it. Night said that was a reporter's take on the story. He said he was told that the script was very strange and they weren't sure where he was going with the movie. He always writes strange movies though so they should have expected it.
Night said that he took it as them telling him that if he had just done something differently in his other movies, they could have made another hundred million dollars. He said that really hurt to feel that coming from them. Night said that he did get so upset that he cried. He said he didn't cry in the room when they told him that they weren't going to make the movie. He said it was very sad that they didn't want to make another movie with him. He's not sure if he'll ever make another one with him.
Howard told Night that he'd rather have him take risks all the time instead of making cookie cutter movies for Disney. Night said that after Disney turned him down there were plenty of other movie companies out there who wanted to work with him. He said he had to tell the Disney people that he just can't make a bad movie for them. He said that his agent was ready to sell the script to the other movie companies but he wanted to finish the script first. Night took a few months to finish it up and then he went to someone he wanted to make a movie for. He took it to only one studio and gave it to someone at Warner Brothers. He asked the guy to be totally up front with him and not just make it to secure a future with him.
Warner Brothers sent a plane out for him to fly back to California. He was saying that he took an assistant with him so Artie asked if he could shake that brother-in-law off him for a minute. That led to Howard asking the brother-in-law how long he's been banging Night's sister. The guy said he's been with her for 20 years now. Howard asked Night if his family was upset that his sister married a white guy. Night said that the family has a weird thing where they tell the family not to marry white guys but then they worship them when they do marry into the family.
Howard got back to the Warner Brothers plane and asked him about the food and how great everything was on the flight. Night said Warner Brothers rolled out everything for him before they even made the deal. They put him up at the Bel Air hotel and paid for everything. Night said he spoke to the chairman of Warner Brothers and the guy understood what he was going for with the movie so they made the deal. The screenplay wasn't quite the same as the one that he gave to Disney, so it was a different movie at that point.
Howard said it'll be great if this movie is a big hit. Night said that's what the entire media is saying about this movie but he's not looking at it that way. Artie asked Night if he thinks the guy was being real with him and wasn't just trying to make a deal so they have him for future projects. Night said he has a pretty good feel for that and he's sure that they're with him on the whole thing.
Howard asked Night why he thinks people are so against him wanting him to fail. Night said that Steven Spielberg had the same problem after making Jaws. He did that and then got bashed for the next 10 years. Artie said there's a guy who wrote a book about the most hated minority in the country and it's about rich people. They really are despised by some people so maybe that's why Night is bashed so much.
Gary came in and tried to tell a story but Fred was playing the Baba Booey Star Wars theme over him. Gary eventually said that he heard that some of the reporters out there have a problem with Night writing himself into this movie with a pretty big part.
Howard said he's rooting for Night to do well with the movie. Night said that the movie, Lady In The Water, is opening this Friday and they're up against Pirates of the Caribbean which has been number one for the past couple of weeks.
Howard asked Night if Ron Howard's daughter is naked in this movie. Night said that she is very scantily dressed but she's not naked. Howard asked him if he ever thinks about her when he's beating off. Night said he doesn't think of her that way so Howard said maybe he's beating off to Paul Giamatti. They had some fun goofing on Paul who was in ''Private Parts'' with Howard years ago. Night was saying that Paul is a great actor and does a great job with the role.
Artie heard that Paul was up for the role and he almost didn't do it because of some scheduling problems. Night said that was the reporter's take on the story again. He said he mailed the script to Paul and didn't hear back from him for 2 days so he was getting kind of freaked out and thought that he wasn't going to get back to him. Then he heard from him and he was told he was in.
Howard wants Night to put him in a role. Night said he was good in Private Parts and he's thinking about him for some kind of movie. He laughed when Howard told him he thought he deserved an Academy Award for his work in Private Parts. Howard said he was serious though.
Howard asked why they didn't get a screening of the movie. Night said his publicist told him they didn't do screenings anymore but Howard said that's not true because they just saw Superman. Howard said he'd love to see a screening of the movie. Night said they should set them up and have his daughters come because his 13 year old is the perfect age for the movie.
Night told some of the Lady In The Water story and gave Howard some of the details. They spent a couple of minutes talking about the movie and then Gary told Howard they had to get Night out of there soon because he had a bunch of other interviews to do today. Howard wished Night luck with the movie and said he's glad he's made another one. Night said that the movie is scoring high with the test audiences but he knows that the critics are going to bash him.
Night said that he's got another movie idea ready to go but he can't share the details yet. He said it's a bit of a sci-if movie. Howard wrapped up with Night and his brother-in-law and went to commercial break.
Dice asked Artie if he was judging his performance because it sounded like he was judging it by saying that he had done a good job. Howard told him that Artie said they both did very well that night. There was also some discussion about the amount of money Artie was getting for doing that gig. Artie thought he should have gotten more than the $5,000 he's supposed to be getting.
Dice said that he gets the money and then mails out the check afterward. He claims that he left a message for Artie asking him for his address so he could mail out a check. Dice said he was going to mail out a check yesterday so he had to contact Artie's manager to get the address. Artie said he never got a message but Dice said he has no reason to bullshit him.
Dice said that he was also a little upset that Artie was saying that they sold out the show after he was added to the show. Dice claims that the show was almost sold out before Artie was added and they sold out the rest of the tickets shortly after he was on the show. Dice said he wanted to team up and do a show with Artie because he had heard great things about his shows.
Artie asked Dice if he's claiming that the tickets were already sold out before they announced that he was on the show. Dice said they were almost sold out before he went on Stern, then they sold out. He said he was asked to do the bigger room but he didn't do that. He also said he would have paid him even more money if they had done that room. Artie asked him when he would have gotten paid for that gig. Dice said he has to go back to L.A. To take care of business. He said he runs it like a business, he doesn't get in his car and drive away.
Artie says that he pays guys the night of the show and doesn't send out checks like that. Artie said it's 10 days later and he still doesn't have a check. Dice told him to talk to his agent. Artie said he has spoken to him and he wasn't able to talk to Dice about it. Artie was also saying that he never got a call from Dice so Dice took that as if he was calling him a liar. Artie said he just didn't get the call.
Dice said that he has already cut the check and he's going to mail it to his agent. He told Artie he got half of his money the night of the show at the Borgata and then he went out on the road. He hasn't been home for a week or so and hasn't had time to get it together.
Artie said that he's just expecting the money on time even though he's not desperate for the money. Artie said that he doesn't want to work with him again if he has to wait 2 months to get paid. Robin asked Artie if he and Dice had a talk about doing shows together. Howard said that Artie thinks that Dice wants to hook up with him on the road so they have Howard involved in some way. Dice said that's not what's going on because he can come on and promote a show whenever he wants to now.
Artie said he's pretty sure that's exactly what's going on. He said that he's doing 2 shows at the end of August at the Borgata and he can sell out the shows no problem and make about 11 times what he made with Dice. He told Dice that he did the show with him because he was an icon to him and he wanted to work with him. Artie said he would rather work by himself. Dice said that's fine but if they hooked up to do some huge venues, they could make more money together.
Dice said that he heard how good Artie was so that's why he approached him. He said he thought they got along really well and thought that they could do some dates together and make some really good money. Artie said he would have done that show with Dice for free just for the story but he can now go out and make the money on his own if he wants. Dice said that's cool with him but he thinks they could sell out some really big venues if they teamed up.
Howard said he thinks Artie is intimidated to tell him what he really thinks sometimes but he came clean today. Artie said he listened to Dice's side of the plan but they didn't sign any contracts or anything.
Ralph called in and told Artie he was being a little bit of a dick here. He said that he was looking forward to seeing Dice and Artie performing together and he would do that if they were teamed up. Artie told Ralph to ''fuck off'' and said that he was a ''loser faggot piece of shit'' and then asked him how long he should wait for that five grand to come from Dice. He said that Ralph has owed him $100 for the past 2 years and still hasn't gotten paid.
Ralph asked Artie why he's getting so worked up about this five grand. Artie asked him, again, how long he should wait before getting upset. He said it's five thousand dollars and it's a lot of money. He told Ralph to go jerk off to Star Trek. Fred threw in the ''Ralphie Cakes'' song parody after that.
Ralph said that Artie doesn't need the money. Artie said that it's his money and he expected to be paid in a timely manner. Dice was telling Artie that he didn't work all that long for that five grand. Artie said that he was really pissing him off and he took a pay cut to do 20 minutes. He was saying that Dice was saying stupid shit and it was pissing him off. Artie thinks that he sold the room out for Dice but Dice said he had nothing to do with selling out that show. Artie said it was Howard's show that sold out those tickets.
Dice said that everyone on the phone has a big mouth and if he was standing there in person he wouldn't have the balls to open his mouth. Artie told Dice that he'll be there in L.A. Tonight do shoot Entourage so he should show up on set and he'll confront him there.
Dice explained to Artie that if he had known that he wanted the money that night, he would have had a check for him. Since he didn't know that he needed it that night, he waited until he got home to pay him. Robin didn't understand why Artie was so upset so Howard was going to explain it but Dice and Artie were still going off on each other.
Howard wanted to clear things up but Dice said that he knows that the audience was there for Artie because they were chanting his name before he went out on stage. He doesn't think that he sold the show out but the audience did have a SIRIUS following so he wanted to make a big deal and do some huge shows with him in the future.
Howard said that he's listened to all of this and he thinks he knows what went on. He thinks that if they work together in the future, Artie can expect not to get paid then. He said that the venue got it's money and paid Dice half the money he was due. The other half goes to Dice's agent according to Dice. Howard said that other places pay the comedians up front but that's not the way this place works. Howard can see why Artie wants his money and he can also see Dice's side of the story because he had to go home to send out the check.
Dice said that he didn't cut the check for Artie because he just got home on Sunday night. Later on Monday he heard that Artie had gone off on him on the show but he had already cut the check for him. Dice said he had lost Artie's information so he couldn't call his agent during last week.
Howard took some phone calls and let Mariann from Brooklyn go off on both of them. She was saying that this was all about Howard. Howard said that Artie and Dice are very talented guys and he has nothing to do with it. Mariann said she wants to have coffee with Artie to try and figure it out. Artie sarcastically said that would cheer him up.
Some other callers went off on Dice saying that Artie could do his own shows and make the money himself. Artie wanted to let them talk about Dice was going off on the callers telling them that they've done nothing. A woman called in and said that this is the best reality show ever and Dice may be overreacting a bit. One caller thought that Artie was more upset that he didn't get paid more money, that's why he's getting so pissed about the $5,000. Artie said that's not the case.
Dice apologized again for not knowing that he wanted to be paid that night. Artie just assumed he was going to get paid that night but Dice had no idea that's what he wanted so he apologized to him for that. Howard's father called in and tried to help the guy settle this. He said that they should just apologize and move on from there. They should set up a procedure to get things to work out the next time they work together.
Dice said that he felt that the audience was one of the most intense crowds he's seen in years and he thinks it had something to do with the two of them being there together and that's what he wants to bring to bigger venues. Howard thanked his Dad and wanted to let him go but he had one more thing to say. Ben told the guys that they could be very successful working together. Robin said that Artie doesn't want to work with Dice though, he wants to work alone. Ben said that this reaction is ludicrous and Artie is overreacting far too much.
Rev. Bob Levy called in and told the guys that when they do shows they get a check the night of the show. Artie asked him how long he's waited for a check. Bob said that he would have a check overnighted if they didn't have it there that night. That's what Artie expected from Dice but Dice said he's not a promoter, he's just a comic so he didn't know that he wanted as check that night.
Ralph was still on the phone so Artie as goofing on him. He said that he thinks that Artie needs things in his life to make himself miserable and this is just the latest thing. Artie asked him how long he has to wait for the $100 he owes him. Ralph said that he's going to wait a long time. He wanted Will to pay him half of the money since he was owed a few bucks. Ralph said he'll pay Artie on Thursday when he gets paid.
Artie pointed out that Dice's story had changed when he was saying that he'd lost his agent's number because he eventually did call him. Ross Zapin came in and said that the two of them should have had their agents take care of all of this stuff. Artie said that's what they did but Dice then revealed that he's having problems with one of his guys so that may not have helped. Ross thinks that Artie's agent should have mentioned the payment up front.
Dice said that when he left that gig that night, he was just thinking about what they could do in the future. He apologized once again and said that the real tragedy will be if they don't do anymore shows in the future. He said the $5,000 is chicken feed compared to the shows they could do in the future. Dice was talking about how his show got picked up on VH-1 and how he wanted Artie Lange on a Showtime show he was offered. Artie said that he's convinced him that he doesn't need the money and he can send him the check whenever he wants.
High Pitch Eric called in and went off on Dice but Howard hung up on him within a short time because he had nothing to add to it. Artie really wasn't calmed down, he was still going off on Dice. He claimed he wasn't mad at him but things were still kind of tense and Howard just wanted to move on. Dice just wanted to put this behind them. Artie admitted he was wrong and said they could put things behind them. Dice said he called Artie yesterday and wondered why he didn't call him back. Artie thought it would be funnier on the air.
Jessica Hahn called in and said that she thinks Dice is out of his mind and full of crap. She even threw in Kinison's name and said that he was a better comic than he is. Howard calmed things down and told Artie that he thinks it's insulting that he wants any money. Howard told Artie that he owes Dice three grand. Artie said he'll pay him next week.
Dice said that he needs to see Artie if he's going to be out in L.A. Artie said he'll be working the whole time but he can come visit him on the set. Dice said he can't visit the set because it'll cause mayhem. Artie told him he'd give him a call when he gets out there. Howard finally got Dice off the phone and said that was beautiful.
Robin said that she heard the screams and thought it was a little crazy. Artie said he has no way to prove that Dice didn't call him but he never got a call from him. Howard told Artie to look at him and said that arguing is good for him because he didn't eat the whole time. Artie said he was drinking soda the whole time though.
Howard said Artie is going out to shoot that TV show and they're going to look at him like he's a baby gorilla. Artie said he bets he'll get the check for the work out there within a couple of days. Howard showed him a picture of Leslie Bibb who will be making out with him for the Entourage shoot. Artie said that cheered him up. Howard told him he could watch him all day long like that.
Howard asked Artie who else owes him money because they should call them too. Artie said he's not going to go to Will to get the money that Ralph owes him so he didn't go too nuts on that situation. Will came in and said that he and Ralph have been arguing about their bet for a while but he's not going to pay Artie for the money that Ralph owes him.
Artie said that whenever he gets that money from Dice is fine with him. He said he thinks that Dice was lying about the phone call and that's why he got so hot headed during that call. Ralph was back on the phone so he tried to explain the bet he had with Artie and with Will. He wanted Will to pay his half of the bet because he wasn't there that often back then. Will said it was only half the money though so Ralph still would have had to pay Artie $50. The guys spent a few more minutes talking about Dice and wondering if that check has been mailed yet. Dice had said that he had called his accountant and told him to cut the check but no one knows if it has actually been mailed yet.
Artie said he's been offered a big gig in the area and he can't talk about it yet. He doesn't need to work with Dice though because he can sell out those places on his own. Howard said he thinks things are straightened out but we won't be hearing from Artie while he's out in L.A. for a few days. Artie said he'll call in from the set and try to get Leslie Bibb on the phone too.
Artie said that he still thinks that Dice is patronizing him by telling him that he's a great performer when it's really just the fact that he's on a show that he can promote on. Howard said that if Artie and Dice did get into an altercation, Dice might be in trouble because Artie can fight. Artie said that Dice would have to kick his ass to take him down because he won't give up easily. He said he's not afraid of him and if he wants to fight him, he'll fight. He gets nuts in bar fights and he's ready to go.
Howard asked Artie what his weight is at today because he was supposed to drop a few before doing Entourage. Artie said he had a conversation with the wardrobe lady at Entourage and told her that she's going to have to sew two shirt together for him. He said he has to get a wardrobe fitting as soon as he gets off the plane out there. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Howard was checking out more pictures of Leslie Bibb. Artie pulled out his script and said that he wanted to read the part where they describe her. He pulled the script out and read the notes where they describe her character and she's supposed to have the body of a swimsuit model. Artie is supposed to be wearing Polo with Gucci loafers. Leslie's character is supposed to be wearing hot pants.
Howard told Artie about grabbing Mary McCormack's tits in Private Parts even though the script didn't call for it. He said that he thinks that making out is anything but intercourse. Artie read the section where they have him nibbling on her ear and then French kissing him. The wife of one of the characters watches in awe as they're making out. Howard was trying to figure out how to get him to hook up with Leslie out there and really get her.
Artie got in a plug for his shows at the Borgata down in Atlantic City on August 25th and 26th. Howard was saying that Beth was telling him that Artie is a good looking guy and he should be able to get some good looking women. Artie said he's tried asking hot chicks out who are out of his league and they give this face that makes them look like you just threw up on their mother. Howard wanted him to try and ask out Leslie Bibb but Artie is afraid he'd get that face. He said he'll have to see what the vibe is when he meets her.
Artie thought he had a good vibe with Renee Zellweger when he worked with her one time but Chris O'Donnell was the one who gave him the face when he told him about the vibe he got from her.
Howard read a story about a cop in Newark, New Jersey who wanted to become a chief of the department but someone pulled out a 12 year old picture where he was shown with a stripper at a Howard Stern event. The pictures showed him exposing the breasts of a woman and it appears that he won't be getting the job because of it. Howard said he feels bad for the guy and that's just not right. He had Robin get to her news after that. She wrapped up her news right around Noon(!).
Howard took another call from a guy who asked Howard if he had ever seen Carmen Electra topless. Howard said he hadn't but no one believed him. Robin asked Howard if his lips had ever touched any part of Carmen's body. He said he didn't but you could hear Robin giggling as she saw his reaction to her questions. Howard ended the show around 12:05.
Howard started off the show talking about the opening song to his show and how there's an x-rated version of it. Fred was playing the clean version because he couldn't get the dirty one to play in his computer.
Howard quickly moved on and talked about the Artie and Dice discussion that went on yesterday. He said that he believes that Artie just wanted his money and that's what led to the whole argument. Gary seems to think that there's more to it. Artie is in Los Angeles today shooting an episode of ''Entourage'' so he won't be around for a few days to talk about this.
Robin said she's fascinated by the Christy Brinkley divorce story and she had to watch the entertainment shows that were on last night to hear more about it. She and Howard talked about the divorce and the 19 year old girl that the husband, Peter Cook, was going after. Howard still thinks that the girl knew what she was doing. He also pointed out that there was an article about how every one (Actually 2) of Christy Brinkley's husbands have cheated on her.
Robin said that a whole community has turned on Peter Cooke and it's not like he stole money or something, he just cheated on his wife. Howard said there are a lot of guys who cheat on their wives with 20 year olds and it's not that surprising.
Howard read an article about Peter Cook where he found the quote about 2 of her 4 husbands cheating on her. He and Robin talked about the cheating thing and how it's all bullshit for this 19 year old to be claiming that she didn't know what she was doing. Robin said they have to stop writing about this story because she can't stop reading it. She likes Christy Brinkley but she loves to read about this stuff.
Howard said he had some discussions with Peter Cook when he was trying to find a house out in the Hamptons and he seemed like a decent guy when he spoke to him. Cheating husbands aren't that surprising to Howard and he said that's what goes on in this country. Robin said that one of the news reports she saw was saying that Billy Joel was devastated by the news but he was one of the husbands who allegedly cheated on Christy.
Howard said he saw another picture of Dave Navarro's girlfriend and she really is hot. The picture he talked about yesterday wasn't as hot as the one he saw recently.
Howard started to play a new prank call that the guys made using audio clips of Eric the Midget but he bailed out because it was one of those calls where both Sal and Richard have to get in on the call playing husband and wife or something like that.
Howard said that you don't invite people from work to a block party. Ronnie said the people on his street invite anyone they want. They close off the street that day and have a ton of people over for the party. He told Howard he has to know exactly how many people they're having over so he can set up the food and all of that stuff.
Ronnie mentioned some of the people who are coming to his party so Howard said that they probably didn't want to come but they felt bad and gave into him. Howard told Ronnie that the party will probably stink and no one should be forced to go. He was also saying that a block party is usually just for the people on the street. Ronnie said that everyone does their own thing. They do share for the payment of the entertainment but all of the houses handle their own guests and food. Howard thought that was kind of strange.
Ronnie said that they have one house on the block that doesn't want to be in on the whole thing. The guy backed out after saying that he was going to participate. He said they collected $100 from each house for the entertainment.
Howard said that Ronnie went down to a NASCAR race recently and he had a story about Tony Stewart who has been jinxed by Scott the Engineer's black cloud after he visited him in his studio a while back. Ronnie said that Tony got in a bad accident shortly after visiting Scott. He lost points in a race that he couldn't be part of. Then he ran out of gas on the last lap of the race he went to see in Chicago. Then up in New Hampshire he was in an accident and finished 38th.
Ronnie said that he saw Scott talking to another NASCAR driver so he informed him of the black cloud thing and what happened to Tony Stewart so the guy backed off and his people were looking at Scott like they wanted him to get away from their driver. Ronnie said they're pretty superstitious people so they basically ran away from Scott.
Scott the Engineer came in and said that he's going to Ronnie's block party on Saturday. Ronnie thinks it's going to snow on Saturday if Scott shows up. Ronnie said that Scott's wife won't come to the party because she doesn't like anyone. Scott claims that she just had some dental work and she's not feeling that good.
Ronnie told Howard that Scott's wife keeps him from going to NASCAR races and stuff and he has no balls to stand up to her. Ronnie said that he was watching Tony Stewart being interviewed and he was waiting for him to talk about Scott jinxing him in the interview but that didn't happen.
Gary came in and said that Scott calls his studio the Black Cloud Diner because so many people hang out in there with him. Ross Zapin had a T-shirt guy there one day and he said he could make up some t-shirts that said ''Black Cloud Diner'' on them so they went ahead with it. Ross claims that as soon as the shirt showed up, his bad luck started. Things got so bad that he had an intern take the shirts away because he felt they were jinxed. Howard let Scott and Ronnie go after that.
Scott had counted them so he had Howard and the guys guessing how many there were. Howard guessed 52, Robin said 125 and Fred said 200. Scott said it was actually 124. The audio clip ran for a minute and forty seconds with all of the ''Uhhhs.''
Howard took a call from Bong Hit Bill who said that Riley was complaining about the money he was getting for doing that show. He said he was complaining that he didn't get paid and wanted his callers to strike outside of the building. Howard said if all of the callers stopped calling, he wouldn't have a show. Scott said that Riley is threatening to quit again because of the pay.
Scott put up an audio clip for Howard where Riley talks about how he wants to quit the show because of the money situation. Howard had to kill some time while he waited for that so he played some of the great song parodies that Dan the Song Parody Man has created using his audio clips. A short time later Howard played the clip where Riley brought up the money situation. He said that he wants people to e-mail SIRIUS and Howard and let them know what they think of his show. Riley claims that they haven't come through with the money that they promised him and this may have been his final show on satellite radio.
Riley claims that he may take his show to some other ''broadcasting entity'' if they don't make a deal with him. Howard laughed when he heard that and said there must be some other great clips from last night's show. Scott came in and told Howard about a clip where Riley talks about Tan (the alien) not having a sense of humor because he doesn't laugh when he tells him he looks like Elmer Fudd. Howard played that clip where a caller asked Riley if the aliens have a sense of humor. Riley then explained how they don't laugh at his jokes so they must not have a sense of humor. Howard pointed out that the aliens wouldn't know who Elmer Fudd is so it wouldn't be funny to them.
Howard asked Robin if she's watching Rock Star Supernova. She's not watching it so he told her about one woman who was being picked apart by the band because she didn't have the style they were looking for. Howard said the girl doesn't know what style it is because they aren't a real band yet.
Howard also said that the worst host of the show is Brooke Burke who is the worst at reading the teleprompter. He goofed on her about that so Robin suggested that they get some clips of her to goof on. Howard did his impression of her reading the teleprompter and said that it's the worst read he's ever heard. He spent a short time goofing on her.
Robin asked Howard if he's going to get into the show ''The One'' or not. He said he's trying to get away from that stuff so he can watch some other shows he's trying to catch up on. He said he has the ''Underworld - Evolution'' DVD and he wants to take time to watch that. He'll probably do that tonight since Beth is out in Los Angeles.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was watching a lot of Howard TV On Demand last week and the stuff with High Pitch Mike and Siobhan was very disturbing. That led to Howard asking when they're going to try and get Siobhan laid. Gary told Howard that they have a few guys lined up but they hadn't scheduled anyone yet. Howard told him to book the guys and get it going so they can get Siobhan laid.
The caller suggested that they make some changes to the way the shows are laid out on the On Demand programming page. Doug Goodstein came in and told Howard that they have a site up at Howard.tv where you can find the show descriptions. He called it a micro-site which Howard found kind of odd so he goofed on Doug about that for a short time. Doug tried to explain it but he got a little stumped for a second and Howard stopped him and got in some plugs for some of the programs they had coming up on Howard TV.
Howard said that they should have the JD almost drowning video up tonight. Doug said it should be listed under the Daily Shows section of the menu. They also have Richard Christy's parents chicken ''shithead'' up there and also Sal pranking Yucko the Clown and many other things.
Doug said that they've hired a couple of people there at In Demand. One of the finalists in the Howard Stern Film Festival is now working there after moving down from Massachusetts. They're also working on some other stuff with a couple of the finalists from the festival.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who mentioned something that he thought was kind of funny but before he could finish his sentence Gary interrupted and told Howard they had the clip up to listen to. Howard went off on him for interrupting the guy. Gary thought that he had waited for the guy to finish his sentence but he had actually cut him off. Howard played some of the Sal the Stockbroker songs that the guy said he wanted to hear since Gary had let him know where they were at. He went to commercial break right after that.
Evil Dave Letterman was in the studio so Howard spoke to him a little bit. Dave asked if anyone else there licks their fingers after making doody. Howard plays along with him like he's the real David Letterman. Dave was telling a lot of jokes and screwed up a couple of lines so Howard told him that he was wrong about Brooke Burke being the worst at reading their lines.
Howard said that when Paul walks in he's no longer the schlub that he used to be. He told Paul that he was kind of stand-offish with Paul when they were shooting the movie and he was the last person he was going to pay attention to on the set. Paul said that he's still that schlub and his shirts still don't fit. Robin thinks that's because he plays it up a bit.
Paul said that things have gotten better over the years and he's getting treated very well these days. M. Night Shyamalan was on the show talking about what a great actor he is since he's the star of ''Lady in the Water.'' Howard and Paul talked about the ''Private Parts'' shoot and how well they were treated over there. Howard said he had an assistant who would actually stand there and fan him to keep him cool on the set.
Paul was telling Howard that he's getting paid close to $5 million for movies he's doing these days. He didn't make that for ''Lady in the Water'' but he's doing very well with the newer movies. Paul said he only got $10,000 to do ''Private Parts'' and that was a windfall for him back then. Howard said Paul got jerked around on that movie too because he had to audition like 3 times. Howard said that Betty Thomas really liked him and knew that he could play the part.
Howard said that working with Paul was very easy because he was so good on the set. Howard brought up how Paul got to make out with Virginia Madsen in ''Sideways.'' Paul said that she even gave him permission to feel her breast and he's pretty sure he got that done in one take because he was so nervous. Howard told him about how he just touched Mary McCormack's breast when he made out with her even though the script didn't call for it. He said there was one scene that didn't even call for a kiss and he just went in and did that and felt her breasts as well.
Howard asked Paul if he got to make out with Ron Howard's daughter Bryce Dallas Howard in the movie. He said he didn't do that and he thought that she looked a little bit like her father so it was kind of strange. He said that she wore only a shirt in the movie so they were very worried about her exposing her ass during the shoot.
Howard brought up Paul's Oscar nomination and asked him if he had a speech prepared just in case he had won. Paul said he did try to prepare something but it would have been strange for him if he had won. He doesn't remember exactly what he had written though. He thought there was a chance that he could have won so he did try to prepare. George Clooney ended up winning though.
Howard asked Paul to tell them what his speech was going to be but Paul said he really couldn't remember what it would have been. Howard asked him if he was going to mention his name. Paul said that he was going to thank Howard and Betty (Thomas) in the speech. Howard said that would have knocked him on his ass if that had happened. Paul said when he did his practice speech in the mirror, Howard's name did come up. Howard said it would have been great even if he had called him ''That scumbag Howard Stern.'' It probably would have chased some people out of the event.
Paul said he blanked out when he won the SAG award because he was going to mention Howard's name in that speech too. Paul said he just forgot what he wanted to say at that event. Robin asked him if he might break down and cry at one of those events. Paul said he's not that type of guy.
Howard said that Paul is a muti-millionaire now and asked him if he's buying anything. Paul said he's got a nice apartment in Brooklyn and a house out in Los Angeles. He was telling Howard that he's got a bunch of other movies coming out and most of the movies he's done lately aren't even shot out in Los Angeles. ''Lady in the Water'' was shot in Philadelphia and he's traveled to Canada and many other places to make movies.
Paul said he's got a couple of movies coming out soon including ''The Illusionist'' with Edward Norton. Howard asked him if he's become friends with any of the celebrities he's worked with. He said he really hasn't. A lot of them ignore him like Howard did on the set of Private Parts. He said that he has had some women come on to him which is very bizarre for him.
Paul was saying that he did a movie with Michelle Williams where she gave him a blow job in the movie but that scene got cut out. Howard wanted to hear some stories about the women that come on to him. Paul said that there are extras who come up to him and give him their numbers. That kind of stuff didn't happen before he became famous. Howard asked him to talk about the most blatant moment a woman has come on to him. Paul couldn't remember anything specific.
Paul has been married for years and he's 40 years old so that kind of stuff drives him nuts now. Howard asked him when he was most tempted out of those moments. Paul said he was over in England and there was a publicist over there who had very nice skin who he was very attracted to but he didn't cave in and do anything. He said you have to release the tension from the situation and get away from it. Howard asked him if his wife would accept any dabbling around. Paul said she has told him that it might be okay but he wouldn't want to screw things up. He said he would probably have to tell his wife if he did cheat on her because he wouldn't be able to stand the guilt.
Howard asked Paul if he could take him to Scores and maybe get him a chick to rub her knee into his penis until he ejaculates. Paul said that might happen and he'd pretend like it was an accident. Howard said he doesn't see that as cheating.
Howard asked Paul how many women he's had sex with in his life. Paul said it's not that many but then said that it was 12 women. He said he didn't get married until he was 26 years old so he did have some time to mess around. Howard said that it's the male fantasy to have women handing over phone numbers and stuff like that. There are actresses and models who come on to them and it's like a kid in a candy store when it happens.
Paul said that stuff is the reason he wants to thank Howard and Betty in his speech if he ever wins an Academy Award. Howard told Paul he thinks that he will eventually crack and hook up with some chick. He said that when the famous chicks come on to him he will have to crack and bang someone. It'll be someone like Kate Bosworth or some serious actress.
Howard said he thinks that Paul will eventually get some leading man roles. Paul asked him when he's going to act again. Howard said he would like to and even told M. Night that he thinks he's better than Paul is. Paul agreed with Howard and said that he may just be better than he is. Robin asked Paul if he took any job he could before he took Private Parts. Paul said he was taking any job he could take back then.
Howard started to wrap up with Paul and told him that he's their bro and he's always welcome there. Paul thanked him for that and then Howard introduced him to Evil Dave Letterman who asked him a question about banging a woman who does in the middle of sex and if it would be wrong to continue. Then he was asking him if it's tough to deal with all of the Jews in Hollywood. Paul played along with him for a short time but Howard let him off the hook and gave him a plug for ''Lady in the Water'' as he wrapped up and went to break.
In the audio clip Sal asks women on the street about their thoughts about the guy blowing himself up and if women in general shouldn't get fat and keep pleasing their men. One woman said that if a woman wants to sit at home and get fat, she has the right to do that and if the man leaves, that's his problem.
Howard said Sal was kind of bothered by the answers the women gave. He played Sal's song parodies about his awful marriage and how he wants to die.
Lisa said that they'll be talking about the new employees there at In Demand. They'll be talking about how they're going to have two Jason's there and it's going to be confusing so one of them is going to be called ''Jay'' instead. Howard said that isn't that big of a story and maybe they should do a follow up on Artie and Dice's argument instead. Howard let Lisa go a short time after that.
Howard said there's a story about Star Jones' husband Al Reynolds going to a divorce lawyer recently but he's not sure about stuff he reads on the internet so he doesn't know if it's true or not.
Howard read some e-mail about the Artie and Dice argument from yesterday. Brent Hatley sent in an e-mail explaining some stuff that Robin didn't seem to understand in her news the other day. Evil Dave threw in a few jokes and then Howard asked him if he had noticed that Artie wasn't there. Dave said he heard that Artie was out because his father had passed away. Howard didn't know where that came from but he dropped the discussion. Artie is out in L.A.
Howard said that he just got a copy of the latest Perfect 10 magazine and he noticed that the girls don't mention his name when they say who their favorite comedians are. He thinks that they threw his name in there just to get him to read the magazine and now that they haven't spoken to Norm Zedah for a while, he's not throwing his name in there.
Howard took a call from a guy who didn't think that Evil Dave wasn't all that funny today. Dave shot back with a line that didn't go over all that well so Howard said he agrees with the caller about Dave.
A woman called in and asked Howard if he was dating Robin Givens before he dated Beth. Howard said he's not discussing his dating life but he did go out on a few dates with Robin Givens before Beth. That was pretty public knowledge according to Howard. He didn't want to get into it any further than that though. He would only say that he went on a few dates with her.
Howard had a couple of Evil Dave prank calls to play so he played one he made to a gay bath house as David Letterman. He also played the call that Dave made to Riley Martin. Evil Dave suggested that the aliens keep Riley the next time they abduct him. Howard had to go to break a short time later before bringing in Luke Wilson and Ivan Reitman.
Ivan told Howard that he seems much more relaxed there at SIRIUS. He said the room was too big but at least Robin was actually lit in her booth. He got a tour of the studio when Howard wasn't around the other day so he sees how great it is there. Howard told Ivan how fun it is working there and how he doesn't have to compete with anyone there. Luke said he likes it when they have one show talking to another show on a different channel.
Ivan said he did interviews with a bunch of different shows there to promote ''My Secret Ex-Girlfriend'' but Howard caught that and told him he was saying it wrong, it's actually ''My Super Ex-Girlfriend.''
Howard asked Luke if it was true that he and his brother were fans of the show like he had heard. Luke said he and his brother Andrew are big fans. Luke has been listening since about 1994 or so. Howard said that Ivan made this beautiful movie about how great his marriage was and his marriage fell apart right after that.
Howard said he used to torture Ivan by bringing his dates around him when he was going through that phase. Ivan said that Howard brought him to his apartment he was having built in the city before he got divorced and as soon as he saw it, he knew the marriage was over. Howard didn't think it was over at that point, he was still happy, but Ivan was right because it ended a short time later.
Howard heard that Luke had been banned from the Playboy mansion so he asked him about that. Luke said he went to a party and brought his friend Steve with him and tried to pass him off as Owen Wilson. They knew it wasn't him because some girl in line told them it wasn't Owen. That got him banned. Howard said that Hef is brilliant because he keeps those parties to a select few and doesn't turn them into sausage parties. They even turn women down after they send head shots over to them if they're not good looking enough.
Luke said that he called the people at Playboy and tried to get back in and actually cried because he was so upset. He said he was put on the DNA (Do Not Admit) list because of that whole thing. He said they let him go to the party that night but the next party list he was taken off the list. Luke said he has never banged a Playmate at the mansion. He said he's given a couple of them rides home so he's had action in the car. Ivan said he wishes he could get some action but he remains faithful to his wife.
Howard asked Ivan about Uma Thurman who is in this new movie of his. Ivan was saying that he got into a little bit of a fight with her about the clothes she was wearing. He said that they have her changing outfits in the movie. Ivan said it's probably one of the sexiest movies he's ever made. Howard asked her if we get to see her naked at all. Ivan said it's a PG-13 movie so there is no nips or anything like that but she does get into bra and panties.
Howard brought up the story about feeling up Mary McCormack in his movie and how he just felt it was right to do that to make it seem more real. Luke asked Howard if the movie effected his real marriage. Howard said it did because he was treated so well on the set. He asked Luke about getting Drew Barrymore and said that must have been some conquest for him. Luke said he was with her for a few years and they still get along. He also dated Gwyneth Paltrow and kind of gets along with her.
Howard asked Luke how he makes that happen and how he can have them still like him after a break up. He asked him to teach them how to keep them friends after a break up. Luke said that he's the one who runs relationships into the ground so he just acts surely and cranky and things end. Howard said that 3 years must have been enough for Luke but Luke said she was the one who left him. Howard asked him how guys can end a relationship. Luke said that you just keep saying ''Nope'' to anything the woman asks you. He also said you need about 90 days to end a relationship like that.
Luke said he met Drew on the set of a movie and they were making out and stuff so he asked her to lunch and then out for a beer and ''then it's off to the races'' according to Luke. Robin asked Luke about what he must tell his friends when he gets someone like Drew Barrymore. Howard pretended to be Luke on the phone with his brother telling him that Drew had just blown him. He said that Luke and Owen must have some conversations about chicks. Howard asked Luke who was the hardest to get out of all of the chicks he's gotten. Luke thought about it but he didn't have a name for Howard.
Howard congratulated Ivan for his son's success directing a movie called ''Thank You for Smoking.'' Ivan knew the name of his son's movie, but not the movie he was there to promote. Howard said Ivan's son was in the Jewelry business and he was making a lot of money there but he wanted to get into the directing business. Howard gave the kid a break and asked him to direct some episodes of ''Son of the Beach'' after seeing his reel. The kid turned it down and Howard said the kid must have known his stuff was shit. Howard said it's great that he's so successful now. Ivan said the kid is having a kid of his own now as well.
Howard told Luke that he seems like a good guy. Luke said he always felt that if they ever got to meet that they'd be friends. He's been a fan for a long time. Howard asked Luke about dating Gwyneth Paltrow and how long that lasted. He said it was about a year. He also said that he has a history of dating women right before they get married so he's thinking of doing that as a service for women who want to get married.
Howard brought up the movie ''My Super Ex-Girlfriend'' and gave the guys some more plugs for that. Ivan and Luke talked about what the movie is about. Howard said he ran into Uma Thurman at a party the other night and said that she really is attractive and you just want to nail her hard. Ivan said she really is sexy.
Howard asked Luke if he's got a girlfriend these days. He said he's got one who works in a store out in Los Angeles. Howard said that's the kind of girl who really puts out because they think that he's going to take them out of that line of work and into a mansion. Ivan said he thinks that Luke is getting to that ''cranky period'' in the relationship but Luke said he's not there yet.
Ivan kept interrupting with plugs for the movie while Howard and Luke were talking about women. Howard said that Ivan really saved his ass on Private Parts and he wishes them luck with this new movie. Ivan said it's always tough before a movie comes out wondering if the movie is going to do well and if people are going to like it. Howard said he hasn't seen all that many commercials for the movie. Ivan said he is kind of nervous about everything because there are a bunch of movies opening against them.
Ivan was making fun of the ''Lady in the Water'' movie a little bit because he is very competitive when it comes to that stuff. Luke said that Ivan has been calling that movie ''The Chick in the Pool.'' There are a bunch of other movies out that will be competing against this movie. Luke's brother Owen is in ''You Me And Dupree.''
Howard started to wrap up the interview and thanked Ivan for keeping him straight during the shoot of Private Parts. Robin also brought up how Luke's brother is rumored to like licking a woman's ass. Luke said he's not into that himself. Robin and Howard asked him if he's shared chicks with his brother. Luke said he may have shared a couple of women over the years.
Howard asked Luke who has the bigger penis, him or his brother. Luke said he's not sure because he's never compared it. Howard wrapped up a short time later after asking Ivan if he likes to lick a chick's ass. Ivan said he was going to plead the fifth on that one. Howard gave them another plug for the movie and went to break after that.
Howard took some more calls and one guy said that it was great that Artie wasn't in there today interrupting the show. Howard said he has to disagree with him and he thinks that Artie is great on the show. He thinks that he's a great fit for the show. Evil Dave chimed in and said he heard the story that Artie told about the male nurse who fingered his father's ass and wondered if they still had that nurses number.
Howard had George Flowers and Jon Hein come in with their show updates. George talked about what they had coming up on Howard 100 News today. As usual it was pretty much the same rundown that Lisa G gave earlier in the morning. Howard said that George got some negative e-mail yesterday and someone suggested that he not try to be funny during his news updates. George said that they'll be talking to some people about Ronnie's block party and how they're not all that upset that they haven't been invited.
Howard had Jon Hein give his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon said they'll be talking about Paul Giamatit's interview and take calls asking people if they think he really would have thanked Howard in his acceptance speech. Jon also brought up Luke Wilson and Ivan Reitman's interviews and how that went. Evil Dave Letterman will also be a subject for discussion on that show. Evil Dave tried to get in a few jokes but he screwed up a few of his lines.
Howard said that their old intern Steve Grillo recently called there asking the guys to get him some tickets to a Wayne Newton concert for his mother. Richard said that Steve had called him on his cell phone and asked him for the tickets. He went back to the studio and called him so they could tape the call. Howard played that tape and Steve tried to explain to Richard what he needed so Richard said he'd see what he could do.
Richard called Steve back and pretended to have Wayne Newton there in the studio with him because he was up there doing Cousin Brucie's show. Steve fell for it even though the guy sounded nothing like Wayne Newton. Steve told the guy that he didn't give two shits about Wayne Newton but his mother is a huge fan. ''Wayne'' told Steve that he was pleasuring himself thinking about Steve and asked him to rub his crooked tattoo on the phone. Steve actually did it so ''Wayne'' told him he'd get him some tickets for his mother and hung up on him.
Howard said the guys in the back dick around with everyone. He asked Richard where a certain clip was but the guys in the back were telling him it was colored blue on his screen but it was actually purple. JD was to blame so Howard goofed on him for a few seconds.
Howard played a clip of this preacher who was cursing and rambling on and on from an old show he did on a cable access show. The guys in the back took that clip and created a new Jack and Rod show with those clips. They had an author on the phone who wanted to promote his book about organized religion. They took the crazy preacher clips and had the author thinking the guy was really talking to him. The author got frustrated and eventually hung up.
Riley complained that someone called his house during his show last night and insulted his wife. Riley said that he has crossed the line if they did make the call. Richard Christy came in and said that he didn't make a call to her and he would never insult someone like that. Riley was very upset that someone insulted his wife that way.
Evil Dave Letterman asked Riley what Alien dick tastes like. Riley ignored that and said that if Richard did make this prank call, he will make sure they suffer the same. He said he was on the air when this happened. Everyone knew he was on the air because it was live.
Riley said he's going to put this on Howard and Robin if Richard will not take responsibility for it. Howard said that no one there did it as far as he knows. He said that they didn't make the call so Riley went nuts and said that's bullshit and calling his house is crossing the line. Riley refused to believe that it wasn't them. He thinks that Richard is the one who did it even though Richard swore it wasn't him.
Riley, in a very angry voice, told Howard not to call his house. Howard was laughing and Robin wondered what they could do to make him believe that it wasn't them. Richard said he did not make that call and he swore on his mother and father's lives that he didn't do it. Riley still didn't believe it so he told them not to fuck with his family... ever. Robin said that if he gets another call, it's not them.
Howard said he had no idea that Riley was even married so he asked him how long he's had her hidden away. Riley asked Howard how long he was with his wife before she left his ass. Howard said he didn't mean that as an insult. He was asking him how long he's been with her. Riley said his wife is not in show biz. Howard said he didn't know he was married, that's all he's saying. Robin thought that he was into her so she didn't know he was married. Riley said that he used to be into Robin but now he wouldn't fuck her with Artie's dick.
Riley said he has cheated on his wife in the past but he's past that now and he's spending that time trying to save the people on Earth. Riley still doesn't believe that it wasn't someone from the show who made the call to his home. Richard said he knows it wasn't him and it wasn't Sal so they're not sure who it is. Riley insists that they are the only ones who have his number though.
Howard asked Riley about the complaints he had on his show last night. Riley said that he has gotten paid in part but his employees have not been paid. Gary told Howard that he heard from one of the guys that Curtis, Riley's partner, has to submit some invoices to get paid. Tim Sabean came in and said that they did pay Riley a week ago and they're waiting for stuff from Curtis to get him paid. Gary heard that Curtis did hand in his stuff last night and they will get him paid.
Tim Sabean claims that Riley is paid up to date. Gary told Howard he heard that Riley just yells at his staff during the show if they don't get things just right. Riley said that may be the case. He said he really needs to stay alive and get paid so he wants them to do the right thing. He does love them there but if he can't get paid, he may take his show elsewhere. Howard asked Riley if anyone else has approached him to do a show. Howard said he actually did hear that he was approached by the ''Who Gives a Shit'' channel to do a show.
Howard told Riley that he's surprised at this whole thing. Riley said that he will ferret out the person who made the prank call to his house and he knows it was someone on Howard's show. He asked Howard to do the right thing and he will do him proud. He believes he will be a valuable asset if they keep him on. Howard told Riley that the channels do bear his name but they are owned by SIRIUS who actually pay the employees. If he feels he's underpaid, he can leave if he wants.
Howard told Riley that they like him and they don't want him to leave, but if he wants to leave, that's his right. He asked him what he really wants to do his show. Riley didn't want to talk about that on the air. He wants to talk in private about that. He said he does get paid to do the show but he is not paid for parking or travel expenses. Tim asked Riley why he would go on the air and say that he hadn't been paid if he has, in fact, been paid. Riley said his staff haven't been paid and that's what he's talking about.
Howard said that there is no one else out there paying him so he shouldn't be complaining about how much he gets. He asked Riley what his last job was. Riley said his last job was keeping a nuclear bomb from exploding over Tel Aviv ''you fucking idiot.'' Riley said that there are people that he could call that would nullify the whole satellite radio industry if he wanted to. Robin challenged him to go ahead and do it.
Richard said he wants Riley to apologize to him when he finds out that it wasn't him who made that prank call to his house. Riley apologized and said that if it wasn't him, he's sorry, but if it was him, he will hunt him down. Howard was still insisting that they didn't make that call to him so he's not sure where this is coming from.
Riley was talking about how he could live off of the interest on the money that Howard gets paid from SIRIUS. Howard told him to stop bringing up his money because it has nothing to do with what he gets paid. Howard told him that he's lucky that he doesn't charge him to do that show there. Ralph had called in and said that Riley showed up about 2 minutes before the show was to start and it may have been some kind of negotiating tool. Riley said that he got stuck in traffic because it's tough to get into the city.
Howard said he had to get going but Ralph wanted him to keep this up. Richard asked Riley if he had been drinking this morning. Riley said he had not but it was none of their business if he was. Howard told Riley that Tim would call him later and do some negotiations with him. Riley told Howard he's got better things to do than to talk to the ''golden jew'' Howard Stern. Howard told Riley that he can quit if he wants. He let him off the phone a short time later.
Howard said he wants to change the names of his channels so his name isn't associated with them because he has to go through this stuff with Riley. Evil Dave jokingly said they have to call Riley's wife again tonight but Howard told him to stop with that because Riley will believe they actually did call her. Richard swore once again that he didn't make that call. Howard said he believes him. He had Robin get back into her news after that. She wrapped up her news around 11:00 and Howard ended the show a short time later.
Howard started off the show playing a new prank call that the guys made to Gary the Retard using audio clips of Robin. Richard called Gary and then told him he was at Robin's house and she wanted to talk to him. Richard had Robin asking him how he was doing and that she's been telling everyone that Gary is her sister. Richard had Gary convinced that Robin was pleasuring herself on the phone. Gary was asking her to rub her big titties and to taste the milk coming out of them. He was still convinced by the end of the call that he was talking to Robin.
Howard wondered how long after that Gary thought he was talking to Robin. Robin was actually missing from her booth so Howard asked where she was at. She came walking in and said she thinks she got hit by the Scott the Engineer black cloud after messing with him yesterday. She didn't get into details but she was apparently having some bad luck.
Last night Howard said he was alone because Beth was out in California shooting ''Filter'' for the G4 network. He spent a minute talking about that and said he watches the show just to see how hot she looks on the show. He sits there watching and thinking how great it is that he bangs her. He claims he sits there thinking he could never get a woman like that and then realizes that he does have her.
Howard complained about the belly he has and how hard it is to get rid of it. He tries everything to get rid of it but it's not easy. Howard said he sat down and watched ''Underworld - Evolution'' last night and thought that Kate Beckinsale was really hot in the movie. He said he thinks that she's hotter than Scarlett Johnansen after Robin asked him about her. He said he would do some wicked shit to her if he could get her. He said he'd like to use his penis to wack the accent out of her.
Howard and Robin ended up talking about the Christy Brinkley and Peter Cook divorce and how another woman has come out saying that Cook was messing around with her when she was 19 as well. Howard read some letters about the current 19 year old who was messing around with Cook for the past year. A lot of people think she knew exactly what she was doing for a full year and she's not the victim that she's being made out to be.
Gary said he tried calling the 19 year old's lawyer to find out if they could get her on the show. He was told that she's not doing any press but Gary pointed out that she's giving interviews to just about anyone. He said he's supposed to call back next week to check in again.
Howard and Robin were talking about some of the inappropriate things that President Bush has been doing lately like rubbing the back of a woman at a press conference and calling the leader of Canada by his first name at an event.
Howard said Steve sent him some really cool stuff. He got some special oak wine barrel wood to smoke food with. There was also a beer can chicken cooker and some type of thing for baking apples. Scott said he'll be using all of that stuff this weekend. He's been using Steve's recipe for wings for a while now and they're the best. He said everyone loves them and they're so good. They're called Buffacue Wings according to Scott.
Scott told Howard that he's got poison ivy again. He said he had to go into the woods after hitting a golf ball off the course and now he's got it once again. While they were talking about that Howard ended up talking about how global warming is getting out of hand and that there was a tornado in New York the other day. Scott and Howard ended up arguing about what's causing the global warming. Scott said that it's natural and there is no proof that it's a man-made problem. The guys argued about that for a minute before Howard booted Scott out of the studio.
Howard said Dave has to go to the real David Letterman show every time he's in the city. He somehow manages to work his way in there without help from them. The guys tried to find out why he and his wife had split up but Dave was making jokes and not really coming clean. Howard said it was fascinating to hear though.
Dave revealed that his current girlfriend knew that he was on the Howard Stern Show and that helped him get her. He said he met her at a bar but then said he was at someone else's high school reunion but he didn't elaborate on that. They never got to the bottom of any of that stuff. Howard said he has to see the girlfriend.
Howard said that Doug Goodstein is producing a documentary on Blue Iris with one of the finalists in the Howard Stern Film Festival and they may have to do one on Evil Dave. Gary said the guy really is interesting.
Richard came in and said that they put Dave on stage at a comedy show one time and it was hilarious because no one was laughing in the crowd but they were laughing their asses off back stage. Richard was also talking about how you know you have a crazy person when they can't shave correctly and Dave is one of those guys who has patches all over his face where he hasn't shaved. He said Gary the Retard is the only other guy he's seen like that.
Richard and Benjy said they were messing around with Evil Dave after the show yesterday. They made a bunch of bits and things around him. They had him prank call a cable access show so Howard played that one. In the call Dave called the public access show as David Letterman and told the guy that he likes public access and had the guy convinced for a short time until he started asking if he could suck his cock. The host hung up on him so Dave called back and did his black guy voice. That led to the host yelling at him to get a job and saying that grown men shouldn't be doing crap like that. Howard said that is their job to make prank calls.
Howard said they're getting paid to make prank calls while that public access show is probably paying to get his own show on TV.
Howard said that's what's wrong with TV these days. No one will get confrontational on shows like that. He also pointed out that these late night guys are happy with 3 or 4 ratings and aren't willing to try anything to get better ratings. They're all ''safe.''
Howard brought up the Carmen Electra and Dave Navarro break up saying that a lot of people are happy that they're broken up. He said a lot of people just want to see successful people do bad. He and Robin spent some time talking about that and about the Christy Brinkley divorce. Robin said she could read about that stuff every day.
Howard said he watched one segment of Oprah Winfrey's show yesterday. They were promoting Clay Aiken coming on the show but he just came on and sang a song. There was no interview about him getting fisted in the ass. He said he would have asked him how he gets his fist up another guy's ass because he's got a pretty big hand.
Howard said in one part of the show Oprah was reading letters from fans and one woman had awful teeth and couldn't afford to get them fixed. Meanwhile she's got 4 kids. He said that's really irresponsible of a woman to have four kids and not even be able to afford dental work done. He said that after the woman had her teeth taken care of by Oprah, she looked amazing. Howard said it's just weird when they have stuff like that going on with TV shows.
Howard said he was looking forward to beating off last night so he decided to pull out some porn from his stash. He watched a Carmen Luvana porn movie but the other chick in the movie was kind of ugly so he wasn't turned on by her. He said Carmen looked good though. He explained what was going on in the movie and how he beat his meat after seeing Carmen using a dildo on herself.
Howard said he ended up cutting some hairs off the shaft of his penis in the middle of the movie because he was so disgusted by it. He didn't want to tweeze them off because he doesn't want any irritation down there. He said there was one long grey hair on there and it really bothered him. He asked the other guys if they have hair on their shaft. Benjy said he's always had them but Fred said he hasn't ever had them.
Howard said he has to trim those fuckers because he doesn't want his woman to get those hairs in her mouth when she's giving him oral. He said he was talking to his agent on the phone as he was clipping the hairs on his penis. He was offered a big job at some network but he turned it down because it sounded like a lot of work.
Howard said he watched the new ''Blade'' series on Spike TV last night after beating off. Robin said she can't get into that show. Howard also watched ''Kyle XY'' and Robin can't get into that one either. He said the show doesn't make any sense because they do some weird things. He explained some of the dopey things the people do with the kid who has super powers because his brain is running at 98 percent instead of the normal 10 percent. He said ''Mr. Ed'' made more sense to him. Even ''My Mother the Car'' made more sense. He and Robin went through a few other shows like that which made more sense.
Howard said he watched Beth on ''Filter'' last night after beating off because he must have missed her. He said he never gets to see ''Casino Cinema'' so he wants to record that as well. He said Beth actually likes doing that show the best out of the couple that she does.
Howard took a call from a guy who called him ''King of all Vacations.'' Howard said he's not taking anymore vacations than he did on terrestrial but then realized that he's taking Friday's off. He said they may start doing Fridays after the summer though. He spent a minute talking to the caller and ended up talking about his relationship with Beth and how it could fall apart if she ever got really sick or anything like that. He said he might bail if she has any major problems. They went to break a short time later.
Howard took a call from a guy who gave him some advice on getting rid of the hairs on his shaft. He said he could shave it or pull them out with tweezers. Howard is afraid to tweeze them because he doesn't want them to get infected. The guy said they shouldn't grow back for about 6 weeks if he pulls them out. Howard said he thinks he's going to get irritated if he pulls them out like that. He said it's a very intense area that he doesn't want to screw up.
The caller said that some guys have laser hair removal done in that area but Howard said there's no way that's going to happen. The guy was also telling Howard that Bubba the Love Sponge has been talking about using Cialis every day but that's not a good thing. He said that no doctor would prescribe that stuff every day because the body can become dependant on the stuff.
Another caller asked Howard if he uses a condom when Beth gives him oral. He whispered the question so Howard asked him what was up with that. The guy said he was in his room and didn't want anyone to hear him. He also had a wheezing cough thing he did when he laughed. Howard goofed on his laugh as Fred was playing some wheezing laugh sound effect.
Howard told the guy he doesn't use a condom when he gets oral but he does enjoy the condom when he's having sex. He has too much sensation down there as it is so the condoms help. The caller was telling Howard that he's been watching some of the Howard TV stuff but the older shows that were taped before 2006 are listed as 2006 shows. Robin said she heard that Mike Gange is the one in charge of that stuff. Howard said that most of the people who work for him don't pay attention to details. He goofed on Gange for a couple of minutes and brought up the time Mike sent a porn tape to a teacher who was dying of cancer after he was asked to send her a tape of some Seinfeld episodes.
Howard said that he should have fired Gange after that porn tape screw up but he made a mistake and didn't do it. He told the caller not to be surprised when the dates are screwed up on Howard TV when he's got a guy like Gange working for him. Howard was still goofing on the guy's laugh and whispering which amused the caller. Howard asked him how far he was from his mother. The guy said he was like 4 feet away from her. He whispered and laughed as he answered.
When the guy asked for a prize Howard bailed on the call. Then he realized he wanted to ask the guy what it's like to beat off when he's just feet away from his mother. He told Gary to get him back on the line so he could ask him. Meanwhile, Howard took another phone call from a guy who talked about how great SIRIUS is and how good it's been for Howard's show. Howard said he tried listening to regular radio over vacation but he got stuck in the middle of a long commercial break and couldn't take it.
The caller told Howard about shaving his shaft with a Mach 3 razor and how he's moved up to the new Mach razor that has 5 blades on it. Fred played the Shaft theme song and painted with his sound effects making up his own Shaft song.
Howard had the wheezing, whispering caller back on the line. He asked him how he beats off with his mother just 4 feet away. The guy said he doesn't do it all that often. Howard thanked him for getting back on the phone and he wanted to give them another phone number to call him back at but Howard said they won't be calling again. He let the guy go after that.
Howard said he can't imagine that anyone wants to go to his block party. Ronnie came in and asked Howard to drop the discussion because he doesn't care if anyone comes to his party. He said that Howard is just busting on him because it's not his party or Robin's party. Howard said that a block party is supposed to be a party for the people on his block, not for people from work. Ronnie said that they do it differently on his block and people there invite anyone they want.
Ronnie said that Penny is off her rocker too because he never said that the whole news department was invited. He said that yesterday Penny came to him and asked if anyone from the news department was invited. He told her that he invited Shuli and Lisa and that was it. Penny went nuts and wondered why she wasn't invited so Ronnie explained it and said she wasn't there to hand an invitation to. He invited her but then she went to the news department and told them that they were all invited.
Howard told Ronnie to get out of there and had Lisa G get back to her preview. She mentioned a few more stories and also got in a plug for the Superfan Roundtable show that's airing tonight at 7pm on Howard 101. She said that they'll be talking about the K-Rock tapes and some other things. That got Howard talking about how crazy Tim is over that whole thing. They've been interviewing people about the job and Gary said that he's been using some weird phrases during the meetings. He's also got some problems with his spelling. They spent a couple of minutes talking about that but they said that Tim really works his ass off.
Tim came in and told Howard that his job is the best ever and he's never been known for his spelling. He said he likes his job so much he doesn't even want to go home at night. Howard asked Tim if he's found someone to do the job. Tim said they have found someone but didn't give any details.
Howard asked Gary if they're working on getting the shows ready for the Labor Day holiday. Gary said they are working on it but it's a lot of work because you can't just throw those tapes up on the air. Howard said they may be over thinking it and they might need to just throw some clips up there. Howard wrapped up with Lisa after that and let her go.
Howard asked if Wendy Williams was there yet. Gary said that they got a phone call from her assistant saying she was running late and he knows that Howard has to get out early today so they may have to reschedule her. Howard said that might be the best thing to do because it is getting late.
Howard had an audio clip of Benjy and Richard jerking Evil Dave around after the show yesterday. They had him reading serious PSAs where he was talking about people dying and suffering from liver cancer and other deadly diseases. Dave was supposed to be speaking to the fans who had those diseases or illnesses seriously. Howard said the guys like to jerk Dave around when he comes in.
Howard replayed the audio clip of Evil Dave calling the public access show as David Letterman. After that he played some more Evil Dave PSAs that Benjy and Richard created for him. In one clip Benjy pretended to start to cry and Dave thought he was for real. Howard said he falls for just about anything. Gary said he asked Dave what he does for a living but Dave doesn't talk about that stuff so he has no idea what it is he really does. In another PSA Dave tells holocaust survivors to ''cheer up.'' Howard thought that was pretty funny.
Benjy had Evil Dave talking to the black listeners about their low self esteem (which was pronounced estidle by Dave). They also had Dave talking to one listener about his colitis.
A fan e-mailed Howard and said that Mancow has become a born again Christian and his show really sucks, more than usual, since that happened. Howard read that mail and said that the guy claims that Mancow doesn't get any ratings.
Howard played more of the Mancow clips and said that the guy sounds like a moron and anyone who listens to him must be a moron. There was one quote from Mancow where he says something about ''we stack pygmies'' which no one had a clue about. Then Mancow claimed that he had an 11.2 rating but Gary looked at the Chicago ratings and said he had a 3.2, not an 11.2. Gary said they showed that Mancow was up a little from last year. Howard said the guy is lying then. He didn't have an 11. He was 8th in the market with a 3.1 rating.
Howard said they hardly ever hit an 11 share with his show and he was very popular. He doesn't know why Mancow would lie about something like that. Then Mancow goes on to say he beat Howard Stern 2-1 in the ratings. Howard wondered why they don't put him on in New York if he actually did beat him. Fred said he found a web site that listed his ratings and showed that he was in 2nd place or lower in all demographics. He wasn't number 1 in any of them.
In another clip Mancow is talking about how 9/11 changed him because he was on radio and TV that day. He said that he remembers what the city (Chicago) was like that day and it changed him. Howard and the guys picked him apart on that and said that they remember what New York City was like that day, no one cares what Chicago was like.
Mancow claimed that he could go to New York or L.A. To do his show but he wants to stay in the Chicago area because that's his home. Howard said he really doesn't know much about the guy or his show... other than what he learned from those audio clips. He ended up goofing on him and asked how that could be entertaining to anyone.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he used to listen to that guy when Howard was taken off in his market but he couldn't stand more than 10 minutes of the show.
Artie called in yesterday during the Riley Martin meltdown so they didn't get him on. Howard said Artie told them nothing much had happened yet since he had just gotten to Los Angeles. Hopefully they'll hear from him again if anything has happened.
Howard played the prank call where Sal uses audio clips of Crazy Alice to goof on a telemarketer. He's played that a few times in the past couple of days. He took another call from a guy who asked what's going on with Riley. He thinks he needs to calm down and stop talking to them the way he was yesterday. The guy told a story about how he saw the name Riley as he was trying to come up with a name for his kid and ended up saying his now infamous line ''O Qua Tan Zin Wan, Quai unza la ji wan'' which freaked out his wife. Howard went into a couple of Riley song parodies where they have those lines put to music.
Howard took a couple more phone calls and one guy said that he spent the weekend watching Howard TV. He said there's so much inappropriate stuff but it's so great. He mentioned the hemorrhoid contest and how great that was. Howard said they used to have to take out whole chunks of show back when it was on E! and now they can put that stuff back into those old shows.
Howard mentioned that they have a bunch of new stuff coming up on Howard TV like a documentary on Blue Iris that Etta May from the Film Festival will be creating. The caller said that anyone who doesn't have the service is really missing out. The guy said the service is worth the money and there's so many great shows available. He talked about some of the shows he watched.
Doug Goodstein came in and said that they have some footage of Robin on her boat coming up next week. He said that one is really good. He told Howard she was wearing her ''boating outfit'' while piloting the boat. They will also have the classic Jesus Twins episode up soon as well.
Artie said they weren't too upset with him fro showing up as fat as he is. Howard asked him when he met Leslie. He said he had a nightmare on Tuesday night when he flew out there. There was a blackout in L.A. So they had to land in Phoenix, Arizona instead. Howard said that sounds like the bad luck Beth has when she flies out there.
Artie went on to say that he had to have a meeting as soon as he got to L.A. but they ended up going to Phoenix. He said they were stuck in the plane for 5 hours in Phoenix. They wouldn't let anyone off the plane and didn't leave there until Midnight. He didn't get to his hotel until 2am and he had to be on the set at 7am. He got to the set at 7 and the wardrobe department had to fit him for clothing. He said they're not used to having someone that fat on the set of a TV show so that was kind of depressing. He said there was a beautiful girl handing him the clothes and nothing was fitting.
Artie said he was sitting there in his tighty whitey underwear while this poor girl was handing him the shirts that were too small. She eventually found him a shirt and he went to do his first scene. He had no lines, he just kneels down by Leslie, who is topless, and rubs suntan lotion on her back. He said that Jeremy Pivin's character talks about how much of a loser Artie's character was when he knew him. Artie said Leslie was improvising kisses with him when she really didn't have to. He said it wasn't tongue kissing but she was kissing him. Howard told him he would have grabbed her ass if it was him.
Artie said he was rubbing Leslie down and she was putting her leg up and things like that. He said she told him to spank her if he wanted to so he went ahead and did it. Howard figures half of that stuff won't even get into the show though. He asked him if he popped a rod. Artie said he may have had one but his big gut got in the way and blocked it out if there was one.
Artie said after the second take Leslie was getting into it and kissed him after each time. She was really into the scene. Artie said that Jeremy Pivin came up to him at one point and whispered into his ear ''on the next take, bite her ass...'' Artie said he could probably get away with something like that and it might get a good reaction from Leslie. Pivin told the director what was going to happen so Artie wondered if he should tell her or not. He decided to tell her before going in there and she gave him a look of horror and figured out it was Jeremy who told him to do it. She agreed to let him do it though.
Artie said he told her he was going to spank her and then bite her ass. He said he took a huge bite of her ass and pulled her apart like a tiger. He was almost tossing her salad. Howard thought that was pretty funny. Artie said Leslie screamed out when he did it. He said he had a great line to use in the scene that may or may not make it on the show. The director didn't want him to mention it on the air though.
Artie said she popped up and kissed him after the ass biting. He said he hopes they use that scene because it would probably work really well. He said he gave her ass a hickey because he bit her so hard. Howard asked him if he had any shit on his nose because that would have been funny.
Artie said the whole thing is about the two of them so he gets to do all of his scenes with her. He's already heard from her that she's dating a doctor so nothing is going to happen there. He still has some make out scenes to shoot today though so he's not done with her.
Howard asked Artie if he's gotten to nail any extras or anything. Artie said he worked too late to do anything, he was on the set until midnight. He was ready to pass out by that time.
Ralph called in and said he was going to call and apologize to Artie for what he said on the show the other day when Dice and Artie were arguing. Artie said he felt bad for going off on him so he actually called and apologized to Ralph when he was at the airport. Howard asked Artie if they've paid him for doing Entourage yet. Artie laughed when he heard that.
Howard said Artie's gig sounds good to him, he let him go a short time later and said it was good to hear from him. He mentioned that Leslie was in ''Private Parts'' and had her own show for a little while.
Howard took a quick call from Melrose Larry Green who claims he witnessed the Daniel Baldwin car accident that took place yesterday. Melrose told the story quickly and said he saw everything happen while he was standing outside with his signs. Howard thanked him for the story and went to break.
After the commercials Howard had a woman, Sarah, in to play Stump the Booey but she was wearing a disguise because she doesn't want anyone to know who she is because if she loses, she has to ride the Sybian. Howard said the prize money for the game is courtesy of the movie ''Accepted.''
Howard read that the woman used to be a model. She said she used to model for art classes and stuff like that. She's only 5'3'' tall. Howard said the wig is kind of funky but the pictures she sent to them were amazing. She looked shorter and chubbier than she was in the pictures. Howard said she's not the same girl in the picture. The pictures were taken about 6 years ago and she's put on about 15 pounds since then.
Howard asked her if she has a husband or boyfriend. She said no to both. He told her she should have come in back in 2000. Howard asked her what makes her an expert. She said she's listen to a lot of radio and watched MTV and things like that so she thinks she has enough knowledge to beat Gary at this Stump the Booey.
Howard moved on to the game and reminded everyone how to play. He said that he's going to play a song and both Gary and the player have to name the artist and song title. Here are the songs and correct answers:
Sarah got on the Sybian with her bikini bottom with panties underneath and took it for a ride. Gary had to keep the speed low because it was too much for her when he turned it up. She said she was also very nervous. Will told her to stand off of it a little bit and not put all of her weight on it. She kept trying for a short time but nothing was happening. Howard had Gary turn it up but nothing happened. He said that he'd rather see Mike Gange on there.
The guys were pretty brutal with the jokes about her weight. Gary turned the machine up to full speed and then cycled it from slow to fast but still nothing. Howard said that they all lost today... He asked Gary what they could give her as a prize. Gary offered up some Carson's ribs but everyone said she didn't need those. They also had a copy of Riley Martin's book ''The Coming of Tan.'' Other than that they had nothing.
Sarah said she flew in and that cost her $300. The hotel was another $300 and she had to pay $60 for the cab ride there and another to go back to the airport. Howard pulled some money out of his own pocket for the woman since he felt so bad about it. They had her to some jumping jacks for them before Howard handed over $300 of his own money. Fred threw in another $100 and told her not to spend it on food. Robin said she had another $50 for her so Mike Gange told Howard to have her crawl over to her. She did that and barked as she crawled. Robin found another $150 and gave her a total of $200. They went to break after that.
Howard ended up talking about how Beth was telling him about her dreams and how she can actually control them. Howard said he has no control of his dreams and all of his turn into nightmares. He's never had that good fortune of having a sex dream or even a wet dream. Robin said she can sometimes control her dreams. She once had one about having sex with Jackie the Joke Man in it but she had no control over that one. If she could have controlled it Jackie wouldn't have been in it.
Robin wrapped up her news around 10:10am. Howard said he had a lot of stuff to get to but it'll have to wait until the next show. He went through a couple of things and wrapped up the show a short time later.
Jon Hein, Gary Dell'Abate and Ralph Cirella were all in to do their Friday Show this morning. Ralph said he had some trouble getting into the show this morning after getting yelled at by his car service driver. Jon quickly moved on to talk about what they had coming up this morning. They have a bunch of classic stuff and some recent stuff to play on today's show.
The first bit was a clip where Howard brought up the story about Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy dating and mentioned that he was once told by Jenny that she would fuck him anytime he wanted in private. The guys were surprised to hear that. Jon and Gary spent a minute talking about that and about how Howard kind of revealed that he had dated Robin Givens a few times. Gary said he didn't think that Howard had ever revealed that before even though he was claiming he had.
Jon played the next audio clip which was from a conversation where Howard talked about how many women he was dating back when he was single. After playing that clip Jon and Gary talked about how great it was to hear him talk about that on the air. Gary said he really didn't know what was going on back then but Ralph sure did. Artie had mentioned that some people thought that Ralph knew all of that stuff and that's why Howard has kept him a friend for so long. Ralph said he really doesn't remember stuff that happened back then.
Ralph had some answering machine messages that Howard left for him years ago when he was dating. He's saved him over the years so he brought them in. He would call him and leave him messages at 8:30 in the morning on a Saturday talking about how he couldn't sleep and wanted to go out.
Jon tried to take a phone call but that wasn't working so he moved on to the next clip which was a discussion that Howard and the guys had about something Robin had said on the Wrap Up Show the day before about Howard and Beth not being a physical match. Howard, Jon and Ralph spent some time talking about that clip.
Jon said that was the beginning of a week where a lot of people were taking a lot of crap. He said he had another clip to play where High Pitch Mike and Robin got into a little fight after he won his TV. Mike said something racist to Robin during their little fight. Jon and the guys talked about that quick clip and discussed what went on there. They had to take a commercial break after that.
Jon moved on to the next clip which was a story that Artie told on the air about filling out a form at a doctor's office where they ask about the use of illegal drugs. He would have to check everything off in those questionnaires.
Jon took a phone call after that clip from a guy who said he really loves Artie and the people who were bashing him yesterday on the Wrap Up show were just wrong. The guy said that Jackie and Artie are two completely different types of people and Artie fits in on the show just right. Ralph said he loves Artie and doesn't miss Jackie at all.
Jon moved on to the next clip which was Artie talking about some of his other drug days when Christa Miller called in. After playing the clip Jon and the guys talked about all of the great stories that Artie had during that conversation. They talked about some of those stories and how amusing they were. Gary said that he and Artie were once out in Los Angeles driving down the Pacific Coast Highway and pointed out a hotel where he had shit himself. Gary didn't know the story at the time so he asked Artie why he hadn't told it on the air. Artie didn't know why that was.
There was also the story that Artie told about doing coke while in his pig costume for MAD TV. Jon said they'll play that clip as soon as they're allowed to play the classic stuff from K-Rock. They went to commercial a short time later.
Scott the Engineer came in since he was yelled at in the last two audio clips. Scott said that stuff was fun on the air. Scott said the guy that sent him the top 5 list was the one who misspelled ''Gnarly Barkley.'' Jon asked Scott why he's not on top of that stuff because he used to be a DJ. Scott said he ''used to'' be a DJ, he's not anymore.
Ralph had another clip where Fred was playing audio clips while Robin was reading a news story about a judge who used a sexual device under his robe during court cases.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Artie is out there representing the regular guys out there and he doesn't miss Jackie at all. Gary told the guy that Artie is a regular guy but then said that he was driving him around in his Mercedes Benz the other day. Jon had to go to break after that.
Jon played the audio clip and both Howard and Robin talked about the woman changing her mind and how it screwed up their show for the day. Howard asked for any woman who was listening to come down and get naked for them since the other woman had changed her mind. Because of that woman changing her mind, Howard said that he was punishing his whole audience and he would do so until they found a woman to come in and get naked.
Jon said that was just day one of the naked woman controversy. The second day Howard expected another naked woman to come in but no one showed up so he got very angry with his audience and decided to punish them. Jon played that clip. In the clip Howard said he had some funny stuff planned but he wasn't going to play it because he was going to punish his audience for not coming through for him. He threatened to play Steve Rossi records all afternoon since it wasn't happening. He ended up playing The Partridge Family's ''I Think I Love You'' song as punishment. He also played Judy Collins' ''Send in the Clowns'' and Patty Paige's ''Doggie in the Window'' to torture the audience a little more.
A few women eventually showed up but they hadn't heard the show before. Howard told them what he was looking for and the women asked how much money they'd get to get naked. Howard said they had to do it free but some of the guys came up with some cash for them. They came up with $60 but the women didn't sound interested. He told them they could go back to the NBC tour if they wanted. He played some more awful songs to torture his audience some more.
Jon said that Howard did that punishment for a full four hours that day. He took a call from a guy who said it was like punishment hearing just those short clips that we heard. Jon said the payoff is coming in the next clip where a woman finally comes in and gets naked. Another caller said he remembers listening to that show in a school class. He ended up getting thrown out of a class because he was laughing so hard.
Jon played the next clip where a woman finally comes in to get naked for them. Gary said they were really happy about what was about to happen because no one had ever gotten naked for them in the studio. Howard had 3 women in the studio who wanted to get naked so they had to block off the studio so the NBC tour wouldn't see what was going on. Howard didn't waste any time and asked all three women to get naked for them. Howard sounded thrilled that he had the women in there naked since it had never happened before.
Howard had his mother Ray on the phone and she was ''thoroughly disgusted'' with her son after hearing this. All of her neighbors were out talking about what was going on with his show. His mother told him that maybe he should show everyone his body as well. He told his mother that if she could see what was going on, she'd probably become a lesbian. She told him he should be doing more creative things than having naked women in the studio. Howard had one of the girls take her bra off while his mother was talking to him. Ray said she thinks that women who would do such a thing in those days was just wrong.
Jon ended the clip and talked about how funny it was when Howard's mother called in. Ralph said his mother used to call in a lot more often and it was very funny. Jon asked Gary to explain what the blinds were that they mentioned in the clip. Gary explained how NBC had a tour that walked through and they could look in and see what was going on in there. They had blinds to put down to block their view. Gary also talked about how Howard had asked him to block one of the windows with some newspaper so people couldn't peek in.
Jon took a phone call from a guy who asked if the girls were really ''furry'' back then. Gary tried to remember what they looked like and said he was only 23 years old and she was probably 30 years old and pretty hot. He said having a bush back then was in so they probably did have them. He said the other girls were okay looking. One of them was a bit older, maybe in her 50s, and a bit overweight. Jon wrapped up after that and went to commercial break.
Jon played the clip from ''Night Life'' which was Brenner's show. Brenner spent quite a bit of time talking to Howard and eventually brought out Howard's mother as a special guest.
After playing the clips Jon and Gary talked about the stuff that went on during that taping. Gary said that Howard's mother was so good when she was on the air. She's very genuine and very funny. The guys said they have to find some more of her on the air to play in the future.
Jon had Erica Phillips in to give another Howard 100 News preview. She mentioned a few more stories that they're working on. She mentioned a bunch of stories and the Week in Review show they do on Saturday's at around noon on Howard 100 and on Sunday at around 2pm on Howard 101. Jon had to go to break after that.
Jon played some audio from the Dustin Diamond interview where he talked about the t-shirts he was selling to try and make money to save his house. Artie also offered to let Dustin do a comedy show with him out in Pittsburgh and Dustin took him up on the offer because Artie was going to pay him $2,000 to do it. Dustin also discussed his penis size in the clip that Jon played.
After playing the clip Ralph went off on Dustin saying that he had a lot of nerve coming on the show and asking for money like he did. Gary said that people didn't have to send money if they didn't want to. Jon moved on and said that Dustin didn't show up to the show that Artie asked him to do. He did the gig without Dustin a day after he did the Dice thing.
Jon had another clip where Artie talked about how he didn't get paid by Dice after the show. There were a few hints in the clip about how pissed off Artie was at Dice for not giving him his money that night. The guys talked about that clip for a short time and discussed what they thought about what Artie was saying. They had to go to break after that.
Jon said he's glad they played some of those clips because it really cuts to the core of Artie's anger. Ralph pissed Artie off during that segment when he called in and told him he was being a bit of a douche about the whole thing. The guys spent some time trying to figure out where all of Artie's anger was coming from.
Ralph brought in a recording from his answering machine where Artie apologized for going off on him about that $100 he owed to him. Ralph said that he wasn't mad at Artie and he didn't need to apologize but he appreciates it anyway. He said he talked to Artie yesterday and things are fine.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked what was up with Artie because he sounded nuts during that fight. The guy asked when they think Artie will think he's bigger than the show and jumps ship. Gary said that may happen some day and it was kind of discussed last year when he was shooting ''Beer League.'' Gary said that if Beer League does really well there's always the chance that Artie would leave the show to make more movies.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that she thinks Artie crossed the line on those arguments and the money shouldn't have been such a big deal to him. She said she thinks there's something wrong with Artie deep down inside of him.
Gary pointed out that Sal is playing only Mike Walker sound effects today. They didn't think that anyone was noticing except for the people in the studio. Jon said he had to go to break and had Richard play the Jack and Rod show where Sal and Richard jerked an author around with ''Andy Dice Cottontail'' which was supposed to be a Dice-like character. They played that as they went into break.
Jon played another clip where Howard played some audio of this nutty preacher who was going off on lesbians since his son wasn't able to get a date in high school because all of the girls were lesbians. The guys talked about that clip for a short time. Gary said that they did a song with that preacher in it. Richard searched for it and found it a short time later. He played that and then Jon wrapped up the show around 10:30am.