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Howard started off the show this morning talking about their week long vacation. He had a caller on the line who was saying that they were taking too much vacation. Howard said they save their vacation for summer every year and that's what they did back at K-Rock as well. The caller said they have to have some new shows now. Howard told the guy this week is all new but then around Labor Day they're going to start replaying some of the 23,000 hours of classic tapes.
The caller was saying he has to work every day and only gets 2 weeks of vacation a year. The guy said he works as an air conditioning repair man and works in 100 degree heat on roofs while Howard is taking days off. Howard was joking around about how hard his radio work is.
Robin said that she went to Gary's father's wake but not the funeral. Howard said he was going to go to the wake but Beth ended up breaking her foot so they ended up going to the hospital. She slipped and fell in her heels and got a hairline crack in her foot. He said he's never seen her crying from pain but this time she was.
Howard said he didn't make it to the wake so he had to call Gary and let him know what had happened so he wouldn't think they were just trying to get out of going. Beth is using crutches and has her foot in a special boot.
Howard asked Gary if he thinks that ''Beer League'' is going to make a lot of money like Artie thinks. Gary said he thinks that Artie made a good deal with the movie and it really doesn't have to make a lot of money for Artie to make a lot of money. Howard said he doesn't see a lot of advertising for Artie's movie and no one else is going out and pushing it like Artie is. Gary has heard that they will be pushing the movie on SIRIUS.
Robin heard that Artie was going to have a party for the movie but the movie isn't due out until September. Gary said he heard from Artie that he doesn't want them to see the movie until the premiere even though there are viewings before then.
Gary said he thought that Artie was going to do ''Entourage'' as 'Artie Lange' but he went on and did it as a character. He doesn't get how that's going to lead to good promotion for his movie. The guys talked about how he's really not getting that much attention for that appearance.
Gary thinks that Artie will come back late this morning with some stories from the William Shatner roast and that's going to be his excuse for doing that roast. Howard said he'd like it better if Artie just showed up on time to do the show.
Gary was afraid that all of these things were going to come up with Artie later this morning and he'll be all upset. Howard said he's not saying anything that should upset Artie. They'll find out later this morning.
Howard asked Gary how he's feeling since his father died. He said he's feeling kind of weird. He ended up going to a Counting Crows concert the same day his father died so Robin wondered what was up with that. Gary said it really wasn't much of a surprise because they knew it was coming. Gary said he took care of a bunch of details about the funeral that day. Howard said Gary actually knew about the death while he was doing The Friday Show the week before vacation. Gary went through with the show anyway and didn't make it known what was going on. Gary said he made his phone calls and took care of things after the show that day.
Gary said he went to the Counting Crows show which also had the Goo Goo Dolls. He said Adam Duritz sounded really good.
Howard said they had Big Foot make a prank phone call too. He played that audio and Mark called a woman and told her that her cats were coming in his yard and shitting. He asked her how big her pussy was and she held up pretty good with him. She was yelling at him and telling him to go fuck himself and things like that. She also blew a whistle into the phone to try and scare him off but it wasn't working that well.
Howard heard that Adam Duritz of the Counting Crows was talking a lot at the concert. Gary said he was explaining some of his songs a bit too much and he just wanted the guy to sing.
Howard asked Gary about a story he wanted him to tell. Gary said that his parents ended up getting divorced back in the 1990s after 47 years of marriage. They separated for a year but ended up getting back together and lived together for the last 9 years even though they weren't married. Gary said his mother still considered him as her husband. During the funeral service the priest was talking about how he must have loved his wife so everyone was kind of chuckling about that.
Gary said that his brother Steven died a few years back so his mother leaned in when his father was really sick and told him that he should just let go because Steven wanted him to be with him. Gary said his father then leaned up to her and told her to ''shut up.'' He said that pretty much summarized their whole relationship.
Gary said he had another odd story about the funeral. He said he was helping to wheel his father up to the pew in the church. As he was walking up the aisle he saw someone who looked kind of familiar to him. He said that it turned out to be that guy Sour Shoes who plays the songs over the phone. He was there at the funeral and was very respectful. Gary said he was sitting there laughing just thinking that Sour Shoes was there at the funeral.
Gary said that since his father had a medal from the military they had a guy come in and play Taps and give his mother a folded flag.
Gary got back to the Sour Shoes thing and said he wasn't upset that he was there because it was actually kind of sweet that he showed up. He said he was up at the front of the church getting communion and they had to have a hymn play while they did the communion. He said that Sour Shoes knew the words and was singing them as he went up to get his communion.
Jessica Hahn called in and reminded everyone about the time she recorded a Mr. Ed bit for the show when her mother was dying. Sam Kinison later used that against her and even brought it up in his act. He confronted her on the air one time about that and made her cry. Howard said they should be able to find that bit and play it uncensored now. Gary said there are about 7 versions of that bit because Tom would make them cut the bit every time they played it.
Howard said he's been playing on the ICC (International Chess Club) web site and they have channels you can watch as people are playing live. He said the tournaments that are being played look like they're being played in a cafeteria somewhere.
Howard explained how he played one game over vacation and got ripped a new asshole by the guy. He chatted with the guy after the game and asked him how long he's been playing. It turns out the guy was a 9 year old kid. Howard has been taking some lessons and the guy teaching him said the guy probably wasn't lying about being just 9 years old. Howard said he was shocked when the kid told him he was only 9. He was ready to drop the game after that.
Howard beat one guy who was rated higher than him so he felt pretty good about that. He was hoping to be better than he is by now. Robin said she did the same thing with tennis and thought that she could be great right from the start but things don't go like that.
Howard said he's so obsessed with chess that he wants to quit his job and play that game until he gets good at it. Beth thinks he's spending too much time on it already but he said he can't just have a hobby in his life and not get obsessed with it.
Robin said the gift from Howard was a turquoise necklace that she loved. She said they'll have to take a picture of it and put it up on the web site. Jessica Hahn said she was on SFN while she was on the phone and a lot of people would like to hear that Mr. Ed bit. Howard said they'll try to get that bit for tomorrow's show so they can play it for everyone as a preview of the classic tapes they have coming soon.
Howard talked about the old days when they would hang out with Jessica and she would get dressed up for them. He told a story about going out to Los Angeles and having Jessica doing a lingerie show for them. She would change in front of them so they'd see her naked the whole time. Howard wondered why he didn't bang her back then.
Howard remembered one time when the guys saw lint on Jessica's private parts and he remembers her brushing that off after they pointed it out to her. Gary remembered announcing all of the outfits she was modeling for them. Howard wrapped up with Jessica a short time later and let her go.
Howard asked Gary if his mother is still with him after the funeral. Gary said she's still up there but she will have to go back to Florida at some point. He said she won't be moving in with him, they've already talked about that. Gary said he's still got to work on getting his father's money together and set up so he can pay the bills for his mother. He said she asked him to pay all of her bills a few months ago because his father would always take care of that stuff.
Gary said they did keep track of the checks they wrote but didn't write down deposits or keep track of the money that was in the bank. Howard said he hopes that he doesn't have to take care of that stuff for his parents because he doesn't need the headache. He said he hopes his mother dies before his father so he won't have to do everything for her. Right now his father takes care of all of that stuff.
Gary said that his mother has talked about how she doesn't like Florida and she would like to get out of there and move back up north. He said they used to live in Uniondale, New York and it's not a good area now and it wasn't that great when he was growing up. Gary said there's was an empty lot across the street from his parents house which has turned into a giant Jehovah's Witness church.
Gary and Howard talked about this mini-cinema theater that used to be there and how they would play some really weird movies there. Gary said they had a movie called ''Gums'' that was about a mermaid that blew guys to death. Howard said he'd like to see that movie and he'd also like to start his own mini-cinema, he figures the fans would like something like that.
Howard played a new Baba Booey song parody to the tune of Jimi Hendrix's Voodoo Child. He played that as a tribute to Gary's father.
The caller told Howard about this Heroes show and what that's all about. Robin sounded like she might get into that after hearing the description.
Bobo called in and said he saw Beth and Howard in Hampton's magazine last week. Howard said Beth looked great on the cover of the magazine. Bobo read a little bit from the magazine and thought they were insulting him. Howard said he actually liked the description. He said he was trying to lose some weight last week so he just stopped eating so much. He also stopped drinking so much as well.
Robin was kind of thrown off by Howard stopping his fishing already. She was going to get him a gift for his fishing but he's already out of it. Howard said he ran into this guy Chris from Boston the other day and the guy was giving him a hard time about the bicycle he was riding. He said he thought he had a state of the art bicycle that was made just for him a few years back.
Howard noticed that they had the Mr. Ed and Jessica Hahn bit up on the computer already. He wondered how they made that happen so fast. Gary wasn't sure how they did that. Howard and Gary spent a little more time talking about the bicycle thing. Gary said he's got a 25 mile race coming up soon. Howard wondered how he has time for that. Gary said he really doesn't have time and he gets worse and worse every year he does the race.
Howard said that he's cut down on eating so much that he's only crapping about once every two days. Gary said he was going to go back to his office but he had to thank the fans and everyone else who was nice to him. He said that Howard actually picked up the tab for one of the lunches they had on the day of the funeral. He thought that was very gracious of Howard.
Howard was giving Fred a hard time because he thought he wasn't going to go to Gary's father's funeral but he ended up riding his motorcycle out there. Fred said there were a lot of things going on that day and he wasn't sure if he was going to make it there.
Gary said that Artie showed up at the funeral but he told him it took him like 3 hours to get there. Gary said Artie has a brand new Mercedes Benz with a navigation system in it but Artie told him he doesn't know how to work that shit.
Howard and Fred continued to argue a little bit about Fred showing up at the funeral even though he wasn't going to. Howard asked him if he's ever crashed that motorcycle of his. Fred said he hasn't crashed it and he rides like he thinks everyone out there is nuts. Gary said he's seen guys doing wheelies at about 90 miles per hour down the highway. Fred said that those are the guys that lose their legs. He said he saw a guy doing a wheelie down 6th Ave. one time and he almost ran into some scaffolding.
Howard said he imagines that any guy on a motorcycle could kick his ass. That led to the guys talking about some of the guys who ride and how surprising it is when you see them take their helmets off. Howard asked Robin if she went to racing school during vacation. Robin said she didn't go and she also learned that there are a lot of types of racing. She also thinks that Bubba should have some kind of handicap if they race against each other. She was talking about the many types of racing there are and how she's not sure what she would want to learn.
Robin said she was hoping to get away with a week of no boating mishaps during vacation. She said this time she ran out of gas. She said she had to wave someone over to her boat to get towed back to the dock. She wasn't on her big boat though, she was on her small one. She said she was out kayaking and doing stuff like that over vacation so she's really into the boat stuff.
Gary said that he was watching some Howard TV over vacation and Howard should really watch the special where Robin learns about her boat. He told Howard to play the Jessica Hahn stuff as they were going to break. Howard took a call from a guy who asked Robin where Gary gets his looks, from his mother or father. The guys were being nice and wouldn't really say exactly what they were thinking so Gary said that he got his looks and his teeth from his mother. Howard went to break short time later but saved the Jessica Hahn bit for later.
Gary said that Scott's father had a cancer kazoo and they would always make fun of that kind of thing so he felt weird that Scott's dad had one. Howard said he remembers when Scott's father died and it was quite a while ago. Gary said it had to have been 15 years ago. Howard goofed on Scott a little bit and then took a call from Blue Iris.
Blue Iris was on the phone saying that they're shooting some video for Howard TV and one of the finalists in the Howard Stern Film Festival is doing a documentary on her. Howard said the last time they spoke to Blue she was in the hospital for not being able to pee and having swollen feet. He asked her what went on when she went in. She said she had a 104 degree fever and they loaded her up with antibiotics and some medical marijuana.
Blue said everything is cool now and she's fine. She's even back to having sex. She said she missed Howard while he was on vacation. Howard told her not to fret and then played the voice mail she left weeks ago where she talked about her feet being swollen and having the bladder problems.
Howard read that Blue had sex with Ron Jeremy so he asked her if he actually had sex with her. She said it's a secret because the movie isn't done yet. Howard let her go after that.
Howard played a voice mail that Riley just left for Will recently. He was talking about how the ship (sirius) seems to be sinking with Howard taking vacation so much. He said that he will only speak to Mel Karmazin from now on to make a deal. He claims that he will triple the stock prices if they sign him to do the show for a decent amount of money. He's refusing to talk to Howard or Tim Sabean.
Sal came in and told Howard that Rev. Bob Levy is not going to be doing the Miserable Men Show tonight because the Debbie Schlussel show is bumping them. Bob is pissed because they were supposed to do the show from 7 to 11 but now they're back to doing just the one hour show. Howard said he's sorry to hear that but Miserable Men is just an hour long show.
Howard said he loves Bob but he's not going to force him to do a show. If he doesn't want to do the show anymore, that's up to him. Howard said that since Bob announced he's not doing the show, the building they're in is falling apart brick by brick. Sal said if Bob can't sell out the next taco stand he appears at, he'll probably be back to do the show.
Lisa mentioned some of the other stories they have coming up on Howard 100 News this week. She said that they'll be talking to Sam Simon about his radio sitcom that's going to be recorded this month. They should have the show, ''My Bitter Half,'' ready to air in a few weeks according to Howard.
Lisa said they'll also have a report about the roast that Artie was part of last night. Artie still hadn't shown up for work yet so Howard was complaining about that a little bit. Lisa mentioned that the Miserable Men show was supposed to be on tonight but Howard wasn't sure if that was going to happen or not. There was some controversy about that. Howard let Lisa go after that.
After the bit was played Howard talked about how Sam Kinison went off on Jessica for recording that bit around the time that her mother had died. The two of them got into a battle about that whole thing so Howard had that audio clip to play as well. In that clip we hear Sam going off on Jessica and eventually making her cry over the whole thing.
Howard got a laugh out of that whole thing. He said hearing the Jessica Hahn thing unedited was great because there's nothing all that crazy going on. They had to cut it down thanks to Tom over at K-Rock. He eventually made it so Mr. Ed didn't put any hooves inside of Jessica. He said that they had to eliminate each hoof one at a time until there were none inside of her.
Bubba said he met Sam Kinison just one time back in Chicago so he didn't know him too well. Bubba said he's never fallen asleep inside of anyone like Sam did. Howard has never done that either.
Bubba asked what's going on with this racing that he and Robin were supposed to do. Robin said she didn't realize how many types of racing there was. Bubba said he would race Robin in anything but a foot race. Howard told Robin that she should do something that she can do in her new Corvette. Bubba said he can race her in anything and even if he has less horsepower, he'll still beat her because she won't have a clue about what she's doing.
Bubba said that Robin really has no clue about what she's doing. Robin said she thinks she should be spotted a few laps or something but Bubba said that they've now gone from Robin beating his ass to her asking for a handicap. Robin said she's going to figure out what kind of racing to do. Bubba said that he will do any type of car racing she wants to do. He will no do a foot race or bicycle race. Robin said she just wanted to do the car thing so that's what they're talking about.
Bubba wanted to win the chance to eat Robin out if he beats her in the race. Howard asked Bubba what he's doing today on the show. Bubba said he's got a couple of drag racers, John Force and Gary Scelzi, on the show. Last Friday they ''called the puss'' when they put a cell phone in a woman's vagina and made a call to it. He told Howard they put a condom over the phone and put it in there and actually tried to call it and talk into the vagina. Bubba said it wasn't getting a signal in there so they had to take it out and put the antenna facing the other way. They had Spice Boy talking into her vagina and they could hear him speaking to it but just barely.
Bubba said that on Thursday they had a woman on the show who had a fetish of being hog tied with police tape and having a gun put to her head. They did all of that stuff for her on that day. Howard asked him which was better for Bubba. Bubba said he liked the calling the puss thing. Bubba also told the guys about 25 Cent having really stinky balls and how he pulled his pants down last week and this ''pugent'' smell came out of there. They had people smelling his balls after that.
Gary said that Will was listening to the show and thinks that Bubba is having erectile problems. He's been unable to finish while he's masturbating from what Gary heard. Bubba said he had a week where he was unable to have a regular nut when he jerked off. Howard told him it's probably from the prescription drugs he uses. Howard let Bubba go a short time later.
Artie said that Comedy Central's Joel Gallen hooked him up with some great stuff out there in L.A. Howard said Joel is the guy who he lied to about his Fartman costume when he did the MTV Awards back in 1992. Artie said they promised to get him out of the roast and on a red eye flight back to New York. He said he left CBS last night and had an unmarked police car drive him to the airport. The guy was doing about 135 miles per hour on the way to the airport. They got him through security at the airport and things weren't too bad because of that.
Howard asked Artie how this was good for the show. Artie said that he plugged the show during the roast and that will hopefully make it to the roast when it airs on Sunday night. Artie said he did make fun of Shatner's toupee in the roast but there was a memo sent out about how he didn't want that brought up.
Artie said that Farah Fawcett showed up in place of Sharon Stone and she looked like she was on 50 vikodin. He said that she was supposed to do something with Jason Alexander that was scripted but she didn't do it right so Jason was thrown off a bit. He said that the guys at the roast were really railing on Farah so he wondered why her agent would let her show up to something like that.
Artie said Farah doesn't look like she used to but she would still blow him off if he hit on her. Artie said that he told a joke about Carrie Fisher when she was in the bathroom and it was a fat joke so she shot back at him about how he shouldn't be doing fat jokes while he looks like he does.
Artie told the joke about Carrie Fisher and Howard thought it was very funny. The joke was about what you say to someone who becomes an icon in science fiction but eventually gains 100 pounds and becomes a mess... Then he mentions Carrie Fisher's name instead of William Shatner.
George Takei was at the roast so Artie said he told some jokes about him. He also goofed on Andy Dick by telling him that he can't bring liquids on airline flights so he might want to puke up the jizz in his stomach. Artie said that Betty White killed at the roast and even had jokes about him. He said someone must have written some jokes about him and they were mostly about how he won't live that long.
Artie said that he got a joke from the SternFanNetwork that was pretty rude. He said that joke was about how William Shatner's career is shittier than George Takei's dick in the morning. Gary came in and said that Sam Simon is there and he was saying that there were a lot of people bombing at the roast. People like Andy Dick, Nichele Nichols and others just bombed. Artie said that there were a few people who were really bad. He had to follow Nichele Nichols who was dressed like she was going to a royal wedding or something. He said she just mumbled through her jokes and they didn't go over very well.
Artie didn't stick around for the whole show so he's not sure what happened between George and William Shatner. He did see George talking to William after his thing. Artie said there were some really good guys like Greg Giraldo.
Artie said he saw David Carradine sitting in the front row of the roast and the guy looked at him like he wanted to rip his throat out. He said his eyes would go right to him when he was up on stage. He would also see Joe Francis sitting there in the crowd. Artie said Joe was sitting there with some smoking hot chick.
Artie said he missed Lisa Lampanelli at the roast but he did goof on her before he left. He told a joke about her being just about 7 movies from being Janine Garafalo. Sam Simon came in and told the guys that Artie got in a few plugs for Howard's show. Sam also said he gave Artie a joke that he didn't use. It was about how much William Shatner likes his Emmy and how he jumped into the pool to save it when he accidentally dropped it in the pool. Artie said that one wouldn't have made it to the roast because they didn't' want any jokes about Shatner's late wife.
Artie said that Ralph was out in L.A. Staying at Sam's house so Artie asked him when he was going to leave. Ralph said he was never coming home. Artie said that Ralph has balls because he was heckling people when they were bombing at the roast. Sam said it was making him very uncomfortable when Ralph was joking about the people who were bombing. Sam said Ralph is good around his house but when they go out to something like that it's very uncomfortable.
Howard wondered how Ralph does his job while he's staying out in Los Angeles. Sam said Ralph has a part in the ''My Bitter Half'' sitcom but he wants to call it in from Los Angeles instead of coming home to do it. Howard said this sitcom is going to be awesome and they will probably be replaying it quite a bit once it's ready. He said that the script is very funny and Sam has done a great job with it. He thanked Sam for writing it but Robin hadn't seen it yet and didn't know much about it. Sam said that Mr. X is going to be played by Gilbert Gottfried.
The part of Dana was up in the air so Robin said that maybe they could get Jennifer Tilly to play it. That's Sam's ex-wife. Howard said they'll be taping the making of the sitcom for Howard TV. Sam said the sitcom is just 30 minutes but with the Howard TV coverage it'll be many hours worth of material.
Howard thanked Sam for coming in and thanked Artie for dropping in late this morning. He went to break after that.
Howard also played Big Foot's prank call that he played earlier. Howard and Artie got a few laughs from that replay. Howard said that guy is a disaster. Artie said it was like they struck gold when that guy walked in last week.
Craig Gass was sitting in so Howard gave him some plugs for some gigs he had coming up and for his web site IHateComedians.com. He quickly moved on to Tommy Chong who was there to promote his book ''The I Chong : Meditations from the Joint.'' (Doing signings at a Barnes and Nobel in New York City tonight and at Bookends in Ridgewood NJ tomorrow.)
Howard said he read the book and got really pissed about how Tommy was sent to prison for 9 months just because he was selling bongs. It was as if the government was trying to set an example and used Tommy to make a point. Tommy said that George W. is probably back to doing coke now that he's in office. He said his father was probably a coke head as well. He said he once saw George Sr. brush his nose off when he was asked about drugs when he was debating Clinton one time. Howard said they might have to lock Tommy up again if he believes that.
Howard read that Tommy once heard that Ronald Reagan smoked weed. Tommy said that one of Reagan's speech writers was in prison with him and he told him that Ronnie did smoke up. Howard got back to Tommy's book and said that one of the things that stuck out was about how Tommy had taken Salsa lessons to learn how to dance for his wife. She went off to learn before he did and when Tommy saw her dancing with another man, it upset him so much that he had to learn to dance for her. Craig, doing his Sam Kinison voice, yelled out ''That fucking whore!'' during that discussion.
Tommy talked about his first night in prison and how rough that was. He told Howard about his wife's salsa dancing and how the people look each other in the eyes while they're dancing. He said you have to connect to the person you dance with so you know what's going to happen next. He said that watching his wife dancing made him very jealous and he didn't know he was that kind of guy.
Howard talked to Tommy about his jail time. Tommy said he thought the whole thing was going to be kind of a joke but they threatened to go after his son and wife if he didn't give in and take all of the responsibility on himself. Tommy said there was only like one guy with a cardboard sign standing outside of the court that day. Howard said there should have been a riot before the sentencing and he should have lead that riot because it is ridiculous that Tommy went to jail for so long for something like that.
Howard got back to the salsa dancing thing and said that Tommy thinks that the dance could solve many problems in the world if everyone just danced.
Howard asked Tommy if he's out of the bong business. Tommy said he still makes little pipes but not the bongs. Howard asked him if he's nuts. Tommy said that the pipes are just for tobacco. He said he doesn't smoke anymore himself. The last time he smoked up was with Tom Green. He said he did a podcast with Tom and after the show he took him back to a back room in his apartment and smoked up with him. Tommy said he quit smoking because he's got some bronchiolar problems.
Howard asked Tommy what it's like when the Feds invade his home and look for bongs. Tommy said it was like a joke when it first happened. He said he saw them outside that day and he thought they looked like they were a bunch of guys dressed up for halloween. He said they were milling around and yelling it was a raid but he just opened up the door and let them in. They had to clear each room so that was kind of funny. He said they had FOX news there and helicopters flying around and it was all set up from what he was saying.
Tommy said that they did all of this over a bong. He said it was one big publicity stunt. He was told he wouldn't need a lawyer or anything because he wasn't under arrest at the time. Meanwhile they were taking his computers and looking for weapons in his house. He said that if he had any weapons he could have gone to jail for 5 years even if it was a pellet gun or a BB gun. Any weapon involved with a drug bust would lead to him doing 5 years in prison.
Howard gave Tommy some plugs for his book and some of the book signings he's doing over the next couple of days. Tommy was saying that he found out who his real friends were after getting arrested. Craig said he opened up for Tommy one time and learned that one of the first times Tommy did a show he only had 5 minutes of material so that's what he did. When Tommy got off stage the club owner asked him what he was doing so he explained he only had 5 minutes of material. The guy told him to get back up on stage so Tommy did the same five minutes and got a second standing ovation.
Tommy talked about how he got high with George Harrison years ago and had him on one side and Wally from Leave it to Beaver on the other side of him. He said he's smoked with just about all of the Beatles. He told Howard about hanging out with Jimi Hendrix as well.
Howard asked Tommy if he's getting along with Cheech Marin now. Tommy said that they're still not talking all that much. He said that Cheech has a treatment for a play he wants to do and he thinks he got the idea after he wrote a script for ''Up in Smoke: The Play'' which was inspired by the movie ''Spamalot.'' Tommy said Cheech never really added a lot to the script writing process.
Craig said that Tommy once told him that the reason Cheech and Chong broke up was because of the way they were portraying Mexicans. Tommy said that was true. He once went to Cheech's house and he was having a meeting with a bunch of Mexicans about that stuff and that's when he knew things were over.
Tommy said they still make money off of the movies they made 30 years ago. He said the residual checks pay his taxes these days. Howard took some phone calls and Bong Hit Bill took a hit off his bong for Tommy.
Howard brought up a story about Tommy helping to bust a guy who used to shit in the shower in prison. They actually had a meeting about the problem and how it wasn't cool to have someone doing that in the shower. Tommy said they found the guy who they had suspected of doing it. They caught him after grabbing his shoes and finding crap on them. It turns out the guy was pissed that he had to use the same toilet that the black guys were using.
Howard said that Jay Leno said a few words about Tommy back when he was going to prison but Tommy said he won't have him on the show now to promote his book. He only wanted him when he was hot. Howard gave him another plug for the book and said it's an easy read because it's nice and thin. Craig Gass mentioned that Tommy once passed him a joint as he was leaving a gig one time so he ended up keeping it and putting it into a photo album. He said that was like getting a basketball from Michael Jordan. Howard asked Craig who he was because he was out of character. Craig went back into his Kinison voice immediately. Howard wrapped up with Tommy a short time later.
Howard played Miss Howard Stern's final day speech. In that clip you could hear Zolar yelling at her to take her fucking top off. She was giving her speech and Sal was somehow on mic asking where Jason was. Howard wondered if that was their find engineering department at work. Scott came in and said that was just Sal screwing up and trying to find someone over an open mic. Sal said that he was told he could try to find someone through his headset, he didn't know he was going over the air.
Howard asked Scott why he didn't make it to Gary's father's funeral. Scott said it really didn't have to do with them not showing up to his father's funeral. Sal was standing there with a fishing pole with a black cloud hanging from it. Scott grabbed it and ripped it up.
Will came in and said that Scott did mention the other day that no one came to his father's funeral. Scott claims that's not why he didn't go to Gary's father's funeral but he did mention it last week. Howard said he had an excuse for not going to the funeral. Beth fractured her foot so that's why he didn't go. He said they really should start thinking more about Scott when it comes to that stuff.
Howard said that this last day rally is on Howard TV if anyone missed it. He got back to Miss Howard Stern's speech and said that Sal going over the mic is just one of the reasons he didn't want to play the speeches live that morning. He said the engineering department screwed up a bunch of things and he didn't want to deal with it. He said stuff like Sal going over the mic is typical of the crap that went on over there at K-Rock. Craig was doing an impression of Andrea and Sal interrupting with his mic check.
The guys wondered why Sal needed to talk to Jason so bad that morning. Sal came in and said that he was just looking for an umbrella. Howard played another clip of Dee the Crier giving her speech on the final day. Craig threw in some more mic checks as a goof. JD came in and aid that Dee wasn't the chick that Howard thought she was. Howard thought she was the one who came on the show and cried one time. She had called in the day before and cried for them so Howard let her make a speech. As he continued the tape we could hear Sal interrupting once again. Howard couldn't believe that was going on that day. He said that's why he didn't go to those speeches that morning.
Jeff the Drunk made a speech on the final day. Howard played some of that speech. Jeff kept it short and got right off after giving the crowd his signature ''You little bitch'' line. Beetlejuice made a speech that day so Howard played that. Beet was just rambling and the crowd got him a bit thrown off as they were yelling stuff to him. Staind performed the Beetlejuice Song that day as well. Howard played some of that song.
Elegant Elliot Offen went up on stage and went nuts on everyone. He was basically saying that no one was going to pay for Howard. He got in a couple of plugs for some friends of his and for his video.
Howard played Riley Martin's final day speech and thought he was actually very good. Riley's speech was so good that Howard replayed some of it. Riley called the crowd a bunch of stupid motherfuckers at the end of his speech.
Crackhead Bob got up and screamed at the crowd telling them that he's a fucking mess. Then John the Stutterer got up and tried to make a speech but the crowd was yelling at him and making him stutter like crazy. Howard said John being on stage was like being in first grade for him but magnified by about 10,000 with the crowd in front of him. Craig and Fred had some fun doing a Kinison yelling at John the Stutterer bit. Howard had Fred playing a car starting sound effect for him too.
Howard moved on to the next clip which was High Pitch Eric doing his Kelly Clarkson impression. Craig told a story about doing a show with Bob Levy at a firehouse one time. He said High Pitch Eric was there and put on the captain's helmet thinking it would be funny. The captain ended up yelling at Eric to take the helmet off or he'd kick his ass. Eric couldn't hear him because he had the helmet on so he kept saying ''what?'' and saying he couldn't hear the guy. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard had Penny Crone and Jon Hein come in with their show updates. Penny was in for the Howard 100 News preview. She was wearing some huge, bloomer, panties that they goofed on a little bit before she got in her news preview. She mentioned the same list of stories that Lisa G mentioned earlier. She mentioned the Debbie Schlussel show that's airing tonight in place of Scott Ferrall's show. Howard said that it could turn out to be one of the worst shows they've ever aired on Howard 101.
Penny mentioned that they'll have some news about Sam Simon and about Artie finally showing up. Howard cut her off because she was going on a little too long. She was also having trouble reading her notes so she was done. Howard moved on to Jon Hein who had a Wrap Up Show preview. Jon said they'll be talking about Sam Simon and about Artie showing up late. Tommy Chong's appearance will also be discussed. Gary's dad passing away will also be a subject of discussion on the show. The guys spent a minute talking about Fred showing up at the funeral. They also talked about Artie going to the wake and knowing exactly what to do when he got there.
Gary talked about bringing his son to the wake and having to explain to him why his grandfather looked strange. Gary said that Jackie the Joke Man also showed up at one of the wakes. He was telling him a story about going to the wake and how he wasn't allowed to go to a wake when he was 7 years old. Jackie is still pissed about that and he's 58 years old now.
Artie said he went up and did the sign of the cross up at the casket and said that he said a little prayer for God to take care of his soul. He said he asked God to take care of Gary's family and things like that as well. Howard said that there's like a moratorium on goofing on Gary since his father just died but he had a big sweat stain on his shirt this morning that he wanted to point out.
Gary told the story about his father telling his mother to shut up as he was on his death bed. Artie seemed to think that was pretty shocking. He didn't hear the story early in the morning because he was busy flying back from L.A.
Dominic called in and said he didn't hear about the death and he was involved with the family so he was kind of surprised he didn't hear about it. Dominic also told a story about an Irish funeral where they danced with a dead body. He said he spent 2 years in therapy over that.
Artie told a story about Norm MacDonald who had a friend dying in the hospital. A male nurse came in and tried to make him comfortable. After the nurse put his head down on the pillow, the guy turned to Norm and said ''Fag'' and then closed his eyes and died.
Dominic announced that he's a grandfather today. Howard let him go after that and had Jon Hein finish up his show preview. Jon said they'll try to talk about Sal interrupting those speeches at the final day at K-Rock. Howard turned it right over to Robin after that so they could get the show finished up.
Craig and Howard were also goofing around throwing in some of the lines that Sal was using in the final day clips that they were playing earlier in the show. The two of them were interrupting Robin's news stories with those lines.
Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:25am.
We heard a Wendy the Retard voice mail where she's trying to leave a message for Howard as the show started. Howard came in a short time later laughing at the clip. He said that was her being hassled by Richard and Sal in the back room. He said he walks past their studio sometimes and they've got their headphones on and must be jerking around retards.
Howard had a phone call where they had Fake Arnold call in to a cable access show. The hosts thought it was a joke at first but then they started to believe that it was really him. Arnold told them he didn't understand why they thought he wasn't who he said he was and they seemed to believe it was really him. The public access show's sound is awful so it's hard to understand what Arnold is saying. Artie suggested setting these people up in a studio at SIRIUS so they can goof on them with good equipment.
As the call went on the hosts of the show were whispering that it must really be Arnold. Then Arnold starts talking about someone he works with by the name of Bob A. Booey and eventually tells them to get off the airwaves after asking them why they didn't pick up on him saying that blacks should go back to picking cotton.
Howard was kind of upset that the sound on that call wasn't that great and knew that it would be hard to hear in a car while listening.
Artie said that Andy Dick is out of control and he's constantly talking and acting weird. He said he appeared to possibly be coked up but he's not sure about that. He said he knows how people act when they're on coke though and that's the feeling he got.
Artie said that a waitress came up to him while Andy was sitting next to him and asked them if they wanted a drink. Artie took one and Andy was undecided so he kept joking about maybe having a drink or maybe not. Then Artie's drink came and Andy did the same thing and started to laugh like the joker. Artie said that Andy was doing all of this while Jason Alexander was hosting the show. He kept going crazy and other comedians were looking over at him so he was just rolling his eyes.
Artie said Andy was offering him a job writing for his TV show while the show is still going on and things are getting out of hand. Artie said Andy disappeared for a short time and it was the best moment of the show. He said he had already gone on and done his roast of William Shatner. Andy got up on stage and started rambling which lost the audience. He went off on the audience but didn't get off stage, he was just walking around and throwing shit at the audience.
Artie said Andy got all pissed off and came back to his seat a short time later. He knew that the audience didn't like him but Artie told him they'll edit it down. Andy then asked him if he was still drinking and said that he couldn't say if he was drinking or not.
Farah Fawcett got up on stage and Andy was looking to steal the show. Farah was kind of bombing and looked like a deer in the headlights according to Artie. He said Andy thought he could save her set so he ran up on stage and began to lick Farah's face. He was licking from the bottom of her neck to her hair. He was licking off the make-up she had on while she asked him to stop. The audience was going nuts so he wouldn't stop.
Artie said Andy must have gotten it into his head that licking faces was funny. He would get up and run up toward the other comedians if his name was mentioned. Artie said that he was acting like Courtney Love did at the Pam Anderson roast.
Patton Oswalt was up on stage at one point and Andy Dick got up and gave him a big French kiss. Patton was surprised and looked disgusted when that happened. Howard said he would take the guy by the seat of his pants and throw him off stage. Patton just let it go since he's kind of a passive type of guy according to Artie. He said Patton got in a joke about Uhura (Nichelle Nichols) and Andy hopped up, ran over to Nichelle and tried to tongue kiss her. Her mouth kind of opened up and Andy's tongue went right in there. He said she looked like she needed help and couldn't get away from him.
Artie said the crowd was going nuts and Andy kept it going and may have given her a hickey. They finally got him off of her and sat him down. Artie said that kind of thing was holding him up from getting out of there to get on his flight. Artie stuck around during the George Takei segment and then had to get out of there. He said he saw all of that but had to leave so he's not sure what else he missed.
Howard read from a report in Page Six where they talked about some of the other things Andy Dick did that night. He was licking faces and may have offered someone cocaine in a dressing room. Artie added that the guy really is out of control.
Howard took a call from a guy who claims that he saw Andy at a gay sex club and saw a guy jerk off on another guy and then Andy stuck his fingers in it and licked it off. Howard said he's not sure if that's a true story or not but he'll chose to believe it himself.
Howard said he didn't get a chance to call into Debbie Schlussel's show last night because he had to get to bed. He also said he banged Beth last night even with her fractured foot boot on. He also had a bunch of TV shows he was trying to keep up on.
Howard said that Cabbie is doing a show tonight at 8pm on Howard 101. He's filling in for Scott Ferrall like Debbie did last night. He said Cabbie is using the show to call him a lot to talk about his career and stuff. He said Cabbie seems to just want contact with people.
Howard said he's busy and doesn't have time to talk to Cabbie that much. He moved on to play some audio clips from Debbie Schlussel's show last night. She was talking about how the country needs to do some profiling at the airports. The guys spent a couple of minutes talking about their own experiences getting on flights and how even they get hassled. Howard had to interrupt because he had an important call to get to...
Eric said he thinks that there's no way in hell they're ever going to get Katherine McPhee on the show so that's not going to get him to fly. Howard told Eric he wants to put on the cartoon they created about him on Howard TV but Eric really doesn't want them to do that. Howard said they don't need his approval to do that though.
Howard had Sal and Richard come in to talk about doing this stuff. The two of them said that they really don't want to do that because they want to get away from doing gay stuff. Howard told the guys that they have to do it or they'll be fired. Sal said that would be really humiliating to him and he really doesn't want his family seeing him do stuff like that. Howard and the guys were telling Eric that he seems to have pulled one over on them and has made it a very humiliating thing for them.
Howard asked Eric when they're going to make this happen. Eric wasn't sure so Howard asked him what else he's going to ask him to do to get him to do things. Eric said he might make Howard shave his head. Howard told him he's going to have to fly without balloons... out the window... To make that happen.
Artie said that he'll eat a pizza while Sal and Richard are blowing the fake dildos. Howard asked him when he's free to do the flying with balloons. Eric said he can't do it this month. Howard asked him what he's busy with. He's got family stuff going on. Howard asked him if he can come in the day after the labor day weekend. That would be Tuesday, September 5th. Eric said he can do it a little later in the week because he'll be in the city. He said he met someone on Sunday night and that woman starts working in Hairspray on Broadway that week. He said that's Diana DeGarmo so he wants to come into the city to see her perform.
Johnny was giving Robin some advice on racing against Bubba the Love Sponge. He was telling her to use her SL55 Mercedes to race him but then she told him she's got a Z06 Corvette too so he told her to use either one to race him in a drag race. He said the SL55 will eat anything in the world and that's what she should use.
Howard told Johnny that they really need to get him a show because he's such an entertaining motherfucker. He said he would listen to his show. Artie asked him what size his TV is in his living room. Johnny said it's 1000 inches. They pulled it out of a theater according to Johnny. He said that's the TV that his son bought when he gave him a credit card and told him to go out and buy a TV. It cost them $25,000.
Artie said he was out in L.A. last year hanging out with KC and that's how he got up to Johnny's place. He said Johnny gave him a DVD of a TV show he wants to do and it was pretty good. Johnny said you can see a teaser of that show on BeverlyHillsChopper.com. Johnny was also talking about the product placement he's gotten on a bunch of TV shows lately and how he does it without money, he just uses his connections to get that stuff plugged. Howard told him he's a genius and it was amazing that he had worked out a settlement with Eric the Midget.
Eric told Howard that it's mathematically impossible to make him fly with balloons. Howard told him to let them worry about that. Eric said he's going to do it but he doesn't think it will work. Gary told him that it's been done on the Letterman show with Paul Newman flying with balloons. Howard accidentally hung up on those two guys when his finger hit the button accidentally.
Gary came in and said that Johnny is getting a show and they're sending Jim McClure out there to talk to him about doing the show. Howard asked Gary to get those two guys back on the phone because he didn't mean to hang up on them. He took a call from a guy who said that Eric the Midget should be asking to get laid, not asking for Sal and Richard to suck fake penises.
Artie was doing an impression of Johnny Fratto while they waited to get them back on the phone. Johnny has a bit of a mid-western accent so Artie was doing that and exaggerating it a bit. He had the voice down pretty good. He tried to fool Eric the Midget when Howard had him back on the line. Howard said he was surprised he made friends with Johnny Fratto.
Artie, as Johnny, said that he fucked Diana DeGarmo up the ass at American Idol one time and rambled on and on. Gary told Howard that they're unable to get Johnny on the phone, he's not picking up for some reason. Eric thought he might still have Johnny on his cell phone but he wasn't there either. Johnny was on the phone a short time later. Howard said that maybe Johnny could have Eric as his sidekick on his radio show. Johnny said he will have a lot of sidekicks so Eric might be one of them.
Johnny started to tell a story and all of the guys started to laugh because of Artie's impression that he had just been doing. He said that he has worked with Paris Hilton and he knows how to get her to do things. He said you just have to give her stuff she likes.
Howard said they have learned that Johnny is going to be doing a show for Howard 101. Johnny interrupted and said that he wanted to tell a story. He said he hooked Barry Williams up with a really hot chick out there that he found working in a Starbucks coffee place. Howard wanted to wrap up with the two of them so he thanked them for calling in and said they can't wait for the balloons thing to happen. Howard told Eric that he knew he was going to fly with balloons and he should have listened to him. Howard told Johnny to get him in a Superman outfit and he'd be really impressed. Eric said he's not wearing any stupid costumes when he flies. He said he's going to wear his ordinary clothes.
Johnny said he can have a Brioni suit made up for him so the suit will be like something he'd wear. Artie was still doing his impression of Johnny while Johnny was trying to tell a story about a couple of midgets. Howard had to cut Johnny off and asked Eric if he'll let Johnny dress him up like a midget gangster. Eric wasn't able to get in an answer because Johnny kept cutting him off. Eric said he will not wear any costume. Howard told him it's not a costume, it would be a suit. Eric said he'll be wearing a t-shirt and pants, that's it.
Howard asked Eric if he wears shoes when he's out. Eric said of course he does and he buys kids size 12. Howard thought he wore doll shoes. Howard said he would like to see Eric look good for the flying show. Howard thanked the guys for calling in again but Johnny was still talking and asking for his own show. He said he's pretty sure he can get people like Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie, Nicole Eggert, Brooke Burke, Travis Barker and others on his show. Robin asked for some names of people they would know. Johnny said he would try to do that as well.
Howard played Eric out with the ''Fly Me With Balloons'' song parody that they've played before. Johnny wanted a song of his own but they didn't have one made up yet. Eric said that he was almost tempted to say that this was going to be his last call to the show. Eric was upset about the song that they played. He said that Johnny was going to ask Howard not to call him a midget anymore. Johnny told Howard that he would like it if Howard stopped calling him a midget. Howard said they'll call him Eric the Actor then. He said they can't wait for him to fly with balloons. Johnny wanted to finish up a story about a couple of midgets that his uncle told him about. He said if the guys heard the rest of the story they'd like it.
Howard said he heard that Eric was living in a gravy jar on Johnny's counter. He tried to say goodbye to Eric but he had already hung up on him. Howard told Johnny he's got his work cut out for him now. He let him go and Artie continued to do his impression of Johnny for a few more seconds.
Howard spent a minute talking about how Cabbie was going to be coming in to promote the show he's doing tonight in place of Scott Ferrall's show. The guys talked about Cabbie for a short time and Artie ended up getting back into his Johnny Fratto impression.
Gary came in and told Howard that the labor day weekend is going to be an all request weekend of classic K-Rock tapes. They're pulling music, bits and classic moments from the show that people are requesting. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Howard had Lisa G come in to give her Howard 100 News preview. She said that Cabbie was there and the rest is history. Artie said they have a new Cabbie now... ''Preachy Cabbie.'' He said Cabbie pulled him aside out in the hall and started to talk to him about his weight and stuff like that.
Lisa said they have spoken to the Executive Producer of ''Dancing with the Stars'' but she wasn't able to finish her thoughts. Howard said he's glad that Beth didn't do the show because the show is getting horrible reviews because of the D-list celebrities they've gotten to do the show. He read one article where they say it's a train wreck. They have ''celebrities'' like Tucker Carlson, Jerry Springer and Mario Lopez in this season.
Artie said he's actually doing Beth's show Casino Cinema tonight and that should air in a few weeks. Lisa said they contacted Carnegie Hall to find out how Artie's ticket sales are going and found out that they've sold out almost all of the tickets except some on the sides of the theater.
Lisa also said that they have a Page 69 story about Sal the Stockbroker and he may be hearing from Human Resources. She said it's going to be about the pictures of his penis that he's been sending to Stern Show staffers. Howard asked Sal if he's showing his penis to interns. Sal came in and said that this is an old story and he has never sent those pictures to women. He only sends them to the guys on the show.
Artie told Cabbie that he doesn't have to pay him if he's going to complain about that stuff. He said he'll do anything to make him shut up. Howard then said that giving Cabbie a show led to him calling him for advice all the time and he wants that to stop as well. He just wanted Cabbie to come in there and get in a quick promo for his show that's airing tonight on Howard 101 starting at 8pm.
Howard asked Cabbie if he's going to have Cane on his show so they could recreate the Cane and Cabbie show they used to do at K-Rock. Cabbie said Cane just signed on over at XM so he can't do the show there at SIRIUS. Howard told him that he's sorry to hear that Cane is on a sinking ship. Cabbie said he's going to have a band on his show tonight.
Howard told Cabbie that one of the most requested moments for the all request weekend of classic tapes was probably the moment that he revealed that he had gay sex a couple of times. Cabbie said it wasn't a couple of times, it was just once. He said that he thinks that a lot of people think about having gay sex and just because they do it one time doesn't make them gay. Howard disagrees with that and said that he is gay if he experiments. Cabbie admitted that he has done some swinging and has stuck his dick through some glory holes.
Howard asked Cabbie about his gay sex experimenting and found out that he was doing that stuff before the age of 15. Cabbie said he was very young and the experimenting went away after that. Fred threw in the NAMBLA answering machine message that they've played many times over the years.
Howard told Cabbie he wants him to get some rest for the show he's doing tonight. Cabbie said he's doing the show tonight and tomorrow night. He will work in some music into his show and the song's probably won't be hit songs. Robin said that Cabbie almost lost his job because he didn't stick to the play list he had at K-Rock.
Artie was doing an impression of Cabbie introducing some of the songs he might be playing. That led to Cabbie getting upset with him and going off on him and threatening to shove a CD up his ass. Artie told him that's all that CD is good for so he invited him to go ahead and do it.
Howard told Cabbie he was going to cut him off now because he was going to blow it if he kept going too long. Cabbie said he's not going to blow it. Howard let him go a short time later. Fred played him out with the classic ''My Name is Cabbie'' song parody.
Sal said that Paulie had sepsis and he passed away when it got to his heart. Howard wanted to do a tribute to Paulie so he played a bit where they had Paulie in ''A Black History Moment: How The Radio Was Invented.'' Paulie had a great delivery and would throw out some great lines that made no sense.
Sal said that Doug Goodstein is putting together the best moments from Paulie's appearances on the show for Howard TV. Howard said they have to remember some of their fallen Wack Packers like Cliff Palette, Big Foot Matt, Hank the Dwarf and Uncle Paulie.
Big Foot Mark is the new Big Foot on the show so hopefully no one will get confused by the two. Sal said his uncle is on display in a funeral home in Ridgewood, Queens. He wasn't sure if the family wanted people going there to the viewing so he may get in trouble for giving out the information.
Howard said he knows that Jon does not like Ralph. Artie asked Howard what percentage of people would hate Ralph after working with him for a month. Howard said it would be 100 percent. Jon said he just lost it that day and he thought he could work with Ralph even though he drives people nuts. He wasn't able to hold it together like he thought he could.
Crazy Alice left a message about Penny Crone. She said that she's grossed out when she thinks about Penny Crone blowing firemen and police like she's said on the air.
Howard mentioned that Greg Fitzsimmons was going to be sitting in a little later. He said that Yanni is also coming in. Robin said she hates his music but Howard said she was one of the people saying that they should have him on.
Howard talked a little bit about Carmen Electra and Dave Navarro's break up. He also mentioned that Kate Hudson and her husband Chris Robinson are breaking up. Artie said Chris was on the show one time and he was a real dick. He said he told Chris Kate was hot and Chris told him to enjoy his view from the cheap seats. He said he hopes that Kate left him for some other guy.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that she told Beth not to do that Dancing with the Stars show and she was right. She also said that there's a condo place in Brooklyn that's giving away SIRIUS radios with a one year subscription when you buy. Howard said he had heard about that and thanked Mariann for calling in. She started to sing so Howard hung up on her.
Howard invited Greg Fitzsimmons to come in and listen to the tape with them. Greg came in a short time later. Howard continued to play the classic audio where ODB continued to curse and make crazy comments about various things. He was wearing a bullet proof vest at the event and told the press that he was scared of the would in general.
Artie said that guy should have been a stand-up comedian with all of the material he had. The press asked him not to curse so much so ODB tried to hold back. Howard said that this was the greatest press conference he ever heard. Gary told him to stick with it because they took a bunch of clips from the upcoming stuff for using on the show. They had the ''nigga please'' clip in there so everyone got a laugh when they heard that.
The CD started to skip around so Howard cut it off and said he never has any luck with CD players. Greg was complaining about the heat in the studio so Howard told the guys to turn it down a couple of degrees. Greg told Howard he shot an episode of Late Show with David Letterman last night and that will be airing on Friday night. He said it went really well too.
Howard asked Greg how he got on Letterman for the first time. Greg said he was booked while he was up at the Montreal comedy festival. He said he's been bumped from Letterman's show on many occasions though. He said he once got bumped for Jack Lemmon but that may have been a good thing because he was scared shitless that night. He said he's done a lot of late night shows but Letterman's show is ''the one'' to do so that one has scared him before.
Greg said that Dave's theater is set up perfect for doing comedy. Howard found out that Ed Norton was on the same show as Greg was so he said that his movie ''The Illusionist'' is great. He said he's been reading good reviews about the movie but Greg thought that it had been getting bashed. Howard said he loved the movie and can't believe it's getting bad reviews. Greg said he just saw the movie ''Little Miss Sunshine'' and it was one of the best movies he's seen in a long time.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who said he just found another AC/DC song with the N-word in it. He said it's in the song ''Kicked in the Teeth'' and Artie said the guy might be right. Artie said that may have been on their first album but Fred was unable to find it in their library. Howard said he had to take a break. Yanni was there waiting to come in. Robin said that Mr. X is a big fan of Yanni and she finds that hard to believe. She said she really dislikes him and he actually had John Tesh in his band for a while so he's spawned even more bad music.
Howard was singing along to some of Yanni's music about him banging Linda Evans. Gary came in and asked Howard if they could go to break and bring Yanni in. He said Yanni was out there listening to all of this stuff and he seemed to be a little afraid that they were going to lose a guest. He said Yanni was laughing at what they were doing but he wanted to bring him in. Howard went to break after giving Greg some plugs for some upcoming shows he's doing.
Howard told Yanni that he remembers when he hooked up with Linda Evans because she brought him on Oprah with him and that got him some good exposure. Yanni said it was a good move and she was a fan of his back then so that's how they hooked up. Howard said Linda was into Ramthar back then and asked Yanni if he ever met that chick who would channel that guy. Yanni said he did meet her before. He sounded a bit overwhelmed with all of the people in the studio who were surrounding him.
Yanni said that Linda and the Ramthar lady were very close back then and Linda is a very good human being. He asked them to cut it out. Howard said he was wondering why they're not together anymore. Yanni said that sometimes human beings, you know... Howard interrupted him and said that he thinks he just got to be very popular and had to get out of the relationship.
Howard said that Yanni has banged chicks back stage at concerts and stuff. Yanni figured Howard read his book (Yanni in Words) and said that he was probably the one who had actually read it. Howard said he actually picked a groupie out of the crowd when he was in a rock band and took her back stage to bang her.
Howard thought that Yanni was one of these really spiritual guys but he's done coke and stuff like that. Yanni said he did that for just a short time when he was about 25 years old. He got out of it when he realized how deadly it was.
Howard brought up John Tesh and asked Yanni if he's pissed off about him ripping him off. Yanni said he's not pissed and Howard should leave him alone.
Howard gave Yanni a plug for his new CD ''Live: The Concert Event'' and DVD ''Yanni Live - The Concert Event'' and took a phone call for him. The caller said he usually likes bands like Tool and Sevendust but he has bought some Yanni CDs because they work well for getting chicks in the mood.
Howard asked Yanni what kind of money he's making with this music of his. Yanni said he's living in South Florida on a little island. Artie said that's a little island called ''Pussyville.'' Howard told Yanni that it must be great being single and being able to bang all of the groupies he wants. He never married Linda Evans so that was good for him.
Howard said he read that Yanni had lost his virginity at the age of 14 in a whore house in Greece. Yanni said it's almost a tradition over there. He said he had to save up money for about 6 months to afford it. He said it wasn't very good that time either. He said it actually lasted a long time so it really wasn't very good. He said the woman looked like his aunt so that didn't help. Fred played some Blue Iris audio clips to go along with the image of his aunt.
Howard asked Yanni about having to go on Larry King's show to defend himself about not beating up his girlfriend. Yanni said that he has to get lawyers just to break up with women these days. Howard said that he's pretty sure that Joe Theisman once broke up with a woman via fax one time.
Howard wanted to hear some Yanni music but Fred wasn't able to find it in his library. Artie told him to look it up under ''sleep.'' They blamed all of those types of lines on Benjy so Yanni wouldn't know it was Artie cracking the jokes.
Howard had Yanni's CD so he played some of his music. Greg asked him how he would dance to that music but Yanni didn't want to show him. Howard got up instead and showed him how he would dance to it. Greg apparently gave him a lap dance. Robin said it appeared that they had gone right into homosexuality after dancing the way they had.
Howard told Artie that he should sing to the music so Artie used some AC/DC lyrics. Yanni told Artie he had some soul as he was singing to the song. Howard asked Yanni how he makes videos for this music. Yanni said it's very difficult so they just record concerts in full and show them long form. Greg said that when he hears this music he's usually paying for a massage where he just got a hand job.
Fred was throwing in the David Lynch ''I like to kill deer'' ring tone while Howard had another one of Yanni's songs playing. Greg asked Yanni what kind of audience he has watching this stuff. Robin said that her boyfriend is the type of guy going to the concert. She said he dragged her to one of his concerts one time. She's not into his music though. Artie said that some judges will give people the choice of going to jail or listening to his music.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks that Howard and Yanni are legends and he was happy to hear them together. Howard started to wrap up and said that Robin was the one who didn't want to have him on the show. Robin said she didn't say that, she was just surprised at the booking. She asked Yanni a couple of questions about what he has to do when he breaks up with a woman, does he have to pay her off. Artie said that after the chick has two black eyes, you know you've already told her twice to get out. Greg said that all he really has to do is put on some of his music and drive the woman out of the house.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Howard when he's going to have Zamfir on the show to play his flute. Another guy said that Yanni is a wife beating, coke blowing dude. He went on to say that Yanni is the man because he has done a lot with that music of his and even though the music is not his thing, he does hear it while getting massages and things like that.
Howard wrapped up with Yanni and found out that this is his 14th album and he's sold over 20 million albums in his career. Howard played him out with his song ''Sacred Ground'' and went to commercial break.
Howard gave Greg some plugs for his upcoming gigs and web site GregFitzsimmons.com. He took a phone call from a guy who asked what kind of motorcycle Fred rides. Howard played the ''Fred'' theme song so Fred could answer the question himself.
Artie said he thinks it's a Triumph. He didn't know the model. Fred said it's 900 CCs, triple cylinder, water cooled... The caller also asked if he's ever ridden his wife on the back. Fred said he tried it once but she almost crushed his ribs and he's never tried again since then. Howard said that had to be one of Fred's top 3 moments on the show.
Fred ended up going off on Greg about the hat he was wearing this morning because he was kind of goofing on him about that segment. Greg said he's never heard Fred come after him before so that was a bit of a surprise.
A phone caller asked Howard if he just made Yanni interesting in that interview. Howard said he thinks they did. He said that Greg lap dancing him has to be seen on Howard TV.
Howard took another phone call from a guy who asked about his chess playing. Howard said he's been playing at about a rating of 1045. The caller wanted to know what the first 10 moves would be in the game but Howard said there are many moves and he doesn't really have a set of moves he does in every game. The caller was also asking Artie about single deck blackjack out in Vegas. Artie said he has played the game out in Vegas and has won playing it. Howard ended up talking about the single deck game but the guy really had no point so Howard got out of the call.
Steve said that they've also learned that Sal the Stockbroker is making his kids go fishing with him so they can bond. He won't subject his kids to playing chess according to Steve. Howard had Jon Hein give his Wrap Up Show preview after that. Jon mentioned the stuff they'll be talking about on the show today. He said they'll talk about Yanni coming on and how Benjy was being blamed for the comments that Artie was making. They'll also talk about Eric the Midget's demands to fly with balloons and how Sal and Richard are going to be forced into sucking on dildos to do it. Jon mentioned a couple of other things and then Howard moved on to other things.
Howard took a call from a guy who suggested that they animate some stuff for Howard TV. Howard said they might have to start doing stuff like that instead of putting on video of Sal and Richard doing stuff out in Central Park. The caller asked Howard to start playing some of that classic K-Rock stuff instead of replaying the SIRIUS shows. Howard said they're working on that stuff now and they will have some of it ready for Labor Day weekend and then they'll be playing even more after that.
The caller had also asked where George Flowers had been lately. Howard thought that George's hours had changed and he didn't want to do the updates anymore. Gary came in and said he thinks that George just didn't want to come in the studio anymore so they handed it off to Steve Langford. He also thinks that George wanted to sit in the news room and do his thing instead of waiting to come on the air.
The caller told Howard that the people over at SFN really love him and they're posting like crazy. Howard said he has avoided going on the site for the past 2 weeks and he thinks he's kicked the habit.
Artie asked Howard if he had his meeting with the 5 heads of all of the major web sites yet. Howard said that has not happened yet but it may happen some day. Artie also asked him if he had finished reading the ''A Confederacy of Dunces'' book yet. Howard said he has not finished it because he got so caught up in chess.
Howard got back to the Debbie Schlussel audio clips and played another one where a caller goofed on her and told her to take all of her conspiracy theories and stuff like that and shove them in her vagina.
Greg mentioned some stuff that his father, Bob Fitzsimmons, used to do and that led to Howard and Robin talking about how they used to call that guy's show and goof on him quite a bit. Greg said that his father was the first guy to ever syndicate a radio show.
Greg said his father died at the age of 53 while he was out to dinner one night. He was having a great night out just died that night. He was a heavy smoker and smoked 3 1/2 packs a day according to Greg. He said his father was a great father and he was a very dynamic guy. He spent a couple of minutes talking about how great his father was before Howard wrapped up to take another commercial break.
Howard said that Penny Crone was out in the hall carrying on a little too much. She came in and told Howard that Lisa Z was asking her to come in and talk to her down in Sal and Richard's studio to talk to her but she didn't want to do it. She said she was told that Eric the Midget was in the bathroom and she's been waiting outside of the door for the past hour.
Sal came in and said that they wanted Steve Langford to come in and do the interview (Eric wasn't really there) because he's a better interviewer. Howard broke the news to Penny that Eric isn't really there. Sal told Penny that she's a stupid asshole. Penny was afraid to go into the office with Lisa Z because she thought she was going to be fired. Lisa is now her boss.
Penny was talking about standing out on line for a wake and how Star Jones showed up and said there was no way she was going to wait in line. She's not sure if she stuck around or not but she had a lot of balls to do something like that at someone's wake.
High Pitch Mike came in and asked Penny to come out and interview Eric the Midget. Penny asked Howard to talk to Lisa Z and get her off her ass. Howard told her she really has to listen to her superiors. Howard let her go and Greg said that Penny is nuts. Howard had Robin start her news after that.
Howard asked Greg if there was any discussion about money. Greg said he didn't talk money but he wants to make sure he gets paid that night. He said he doesn't care how much it is as long as he gets paid the night of the show.
Gary came in and asked if it was true that Artie was trying to find someone who wasn't as funny as he was for the show. Artie said that's not the case at all. He's looking for someone who has the right energy for the show and can handle the opening act. He said he's got a different energy and a different type of personality. He's got some guys in mind to open the show. He said his friend Joe Matarese and Jim Florentine are on that list. He thinks that Bob Levy's energy is very high and he's a great comedian but he's not sure he would be right for that show.
Gary said he heard that Artie took a bunch of people out for lunch a couple of weeks ago and Dan the Song Parody Man worked his way into doing one of his shows. Artie said they're doing a show at the Webster Theater and Dan will be doing his act there. Gary also said that he heard that Ralph showed up at the lunch, ordered the most expensive thing on the menu and took it home. Artie aids he didn't just take his meal home, he took home a bunch of other leftovers that were on the table.
Howard took a call from a guy who told Howard that he should make a movie out of the book ''A Confederacy of Dunces'' and Artie should play the part if Ignacious. Artie said he thinks that Steven Sodderheim owns the rights to that right now but it would make for a great movie.
Jeff the Drunk called in later and asked Artie about handing out fliers for his movie. Artie said they should have gone out to him last week so he'll have to get on that. Jeff is looking to make a few bucks so Artie said he could hand out fliers about his movie ''Beer League'' which hits theaters on September 15th. Howard told Jeff that Artie is going to look into it.
Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:00am.
Howard started off the show complaining about his microphone sounding strange. He wondered if someone had screwed with it and messed up the sound. He said that someone had to have touched it but no one was fessing up to changing anything.
Robin asked if there was another roast going on somewhere because Artie wasn't there yet. He came walking in a short time later. Howard said that they have some audio of Artie doing his roast of William Shatner on Sunday night. Joel Gallen apparently told Gary that there was no memo sent out about not cracking any jokes about Shatner's hair. Artie said he never said anything about the hair being off limits, it was jokes about his wife that he heard were off limits.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he caught the Wrap Up Show yesterday and it was brilliant when George Flowers and Penny Crone were fighting and also when the guys were arguing about comedy and racism. Howard said Scott the Engineer was in the process of putting up clips from that show.
Robin said that she will not be continuing on the show because of some statements made by George Flowers because she must need to reflect on what she is doing on the show. She said she's heard that she's apparently not doing the right thing as a black woman on the show according to what George was saying. Robin said that because George has slept with a black woman, he thinks he's the authority on black people.
The caller told Howard that George and Penny have no idea what's going on with the show. That led to the guys talking about how Ronnie was fooling Penny Crone when he called in as Frank from Staten Island and goofed on her for a few minutes. Ronnie got upset when Greg Fitzsimmons spoiled the joke. Howard said that he's thinking of quitting his show and going to the Wrap Up Show because it sounds like it's better.
The guy on the phone said that the Wrap Up Show was very smart and they should replay the whole thing. Gary said that the argument between George Flowers and Penny Crone was very good. She was going off on George saying that he's not a real reporter, he's just a news reader. Howard said that George is a professional at what he does and he doesn't understand what Penny's problem is. Gary said that Penny seems to be all over the place with her emotions because one day she'll come in his office way too happy and then she'll be crying just a short time later.
Howard said that he had a meeting yesterday with David who is working on the old K-Rock tapes. There's a whole team of 5 people working on getting those audio clips ready for the Labor Day weekend. They have actually mapped out the rest of the year and what they'll be playing over the next few months. He said they have a lot of great stuff coming up and he thinks people are really going to like it.
Gary told Howard they have the Wrap Up Show stuff ready to play. The caller had mentioned that Howard should run for President so Howard spent a short time talking about how he just doesn't have time to run but he thinks he could do a better job than Bush is doing. That led to the guys talking about Bush and who they think will run in '08.
Howard said that he's run into Rudy Giuliani a couple of times recently and he looks very happy. He thinks his life is too good and he probably won't run for President. He said he's not sure if Hillary Clinton or John McCain would run either. The guys talked about Al Gore for a short time as well. Howard said if he doesn't run then he may have to run himself. If Senator Brownback runs and wins, Howard said he'll have to get off the air because the guy will run them out of there if they don't.
Howard took a call from a guy who suggested that they mix the ODB tapes with Beetlejuice tapes because he did kind of sound like him at the start of his press conference. That led to Howard playing a song parody about ODB who passed away a while back.
Howard said that he has to side with George on that argument because the guy has been in the business for 40 years. He's just as essential to a newscast as Penny is. Artie was saying that George made a comment about Robin not being a good representative for black people and he thought that was out of line.
Howard played another clip where Ronnie called in as ''Frank'' and had Penny fooled into thinking he was just a caller who was going off on her. Then Greg Fitzsimmons killed the joke when he pointed out it was Ronnie. Howard said that was some Wrap Up Show yesterday. Gary said Ronnie worked it perfectly because he walked past the studio right around the time he called in and pretended not to see them in there.
Howard had another clip where George Flowers was talking about how some of the stuff on the show is too racist and how his wife would never be subjected to listening to something like that (because she's black). That conversation had Gary, George and Artie talking about jokes that are on the show that George finds to be racist. George hopped up on his soap box and started preaching to Artie about racist jokes and the way they're used on the show. Artie tried to explain to George how they try to point out how ridiculous racism is on the show and they're doing comedy. Gary was trying to get that point across as well but George still found it to be wrong. George was saying that Daniel Carver was being ''honored'' when he was roasted on the show months ago.
Howard interrupted and said that George really doesn't get the show. He played more of that clip where George gave his thoughts on the racist jokes on the show. Artie tried to explain it to him like they're doing jokes like that to point out how dumb racists are, kind of like ''All in the Family'' did. During that conversation George said that he didn't thikn that Robin was a good representative for blacks.
Artie tried to explain to George that they try to point out how retarded a Klansman is by putting him on the show with a bunch of retards so he can have a conversation with them. George Flowers thought that someone on the show should be giving a counter balance view on teh show whenever they do racist jokes. He didn't think that Robin was doing that on the show.
Howard said he thinks that Robin should resign from the show and they shoujld get Rob Reiner to replace her since Rob was the counter balance on ''All in the Family'' accodring to what George Flowers was saying. Gary pointed out that Spike Lee once called Robin off the air and talked to her about not acting black enough on the show. She said she actually said ''fuck you'' to him adn he hung up on her.
Robin wondered why George Flowers stays there if he has so many issues with the show. Howard said there really isn't any place to work where there is no racism. Howard thinks that they should have George bakc on teh Wrap Up Show today because he was great yesterday.
Howard thinks that the whole news deparment has gone nuts. Robin said it does seem like the news deparmtent is kind of falling all over itself lately. Howard thinks Penny is upset that she never became an anchor while she was working for FOX News all the years she was there. She may be taking that out on George.
Howard said he went to dinner around 6:30 and had to leave by 8. He was driving home when he tuned in to hear Cabbie's show. He said Cabbie was cursing every other word so he called in to give him some support and to tell him to tone it down a little bit with the cursing. He said that Cabbie has been a part of the show for a while now and he really wanted to hear everything that went on with him from the time he was convicted right through the time he spent in prison.
Howard tried to lead Cabbie down the road to telling some stories about going to prison but he didn't have a lot of time to steer him in that direction.
Howard mentioned that he's going to be recording his part in the Sam Simon sitcom ''My Bitter Half'' today. He asked Artie why Dana isn't playing herself in the show. Artie said he hasn't asked her yet but he could do that. He said they're not really a couple right now but he wouldn't feel awkward asking her to do it. That led to Howard asking Artie about his relationship with her. Artie said he's been traveling a lot and he's been very tired so they haven't been getting together much. He said he did go out on a date with her about a month ago and had sex with her but he's not even sure if they're boyfriend and girlfriend at this point.
Howard got back to the Cabbie discussion and said that he'll be on again tonight. He said what he heard on the show last night was actually pretty good. He would like him to get into his life a little more. Another phone caller told Howard that they need someone in the studio with Cabbie who has a mind like Howard's. He didn't think Cabbie knew where to go during the show. Howard said Cabbie hasn't been on the air for over a year so he was just trying to get comfortable.
The caller asked Artie if he ever feels like he has to show off in front of other comedians when they're on the show because that's what he seemed to be doing yesterday. Artie said he doesn't do that consciously. Howard admitted that he will try to show off when he has hot chicks in the studio so he knows what that's like.
Howard took another phone call from a guy who talked about how great Artie has been on the show. Howard said that Artie has been comfortable on the show right from the start. Greg Fitzsimmons is another guy who can come on the show and just hang out without making it all about himself according to Howard.
The caller was saying that he thought Cabbie should have just talked about his life instead of doing shtick like he was doing last night. Howard said he would like to hear Cabbie talking about his time in prison. Cabbie was apparently talking about jerking off in a lot of places during the show last night and Howard said that was kind of interesting but he would like him to just talk about his life.
Robin said she would even be interested in hearing what kind of music Cabbie likes to listen to. Artie said that Cabbie is a big part of the show because on September 12, 2001 he was the only guest on the show for quite a while that day. He's been around for quite a while and has shared many stories with them over the years.
The guys got back on the subject of George Flowers again and spent a few more minutes talking about that. The caller mentioned that Robin had called into Bubba's show yesterday. He said that Bubba seems to be obsessed with his contract and the amount of money he's making there.
Gary came in and told Howard that he had a clip from yesterday's Wrap Up Show where George Flowers was talking about the problems he had with his Uvula but pronounced it ''ooovula.'' Howard thought the whole thing sounded disgusting.
Joel had mentioned something to Gary about the Farah Fawcett set on the William Shatner roast and how they're going to leave her whole thing in there even though they're cutting most of the comedian's sets down. Artie's 8 minutes is being cut from 8 minutes to 4 minutes. Farah's is being left intact. Artie said if that's the case, everyone has to see it. He figured she was so bad that they'd cut it out completely. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard had another clip where a chick started crying during a scene. He said porn is depressing, he was on a web site recently looking at the site where John the Stutterer does porn and this young chick was blowing him forever and John just looked awful. He had a big ring around his belly from being out of shape and a big bush. JD came in to talk about that stuff so Fred played his new Techno music theme song for a few seconds. Howard said John has a kind of small wiener and this poor girl is blowing him and it makes him want to die. He said it was really hard to watch.
Howard spent a short time talking about the John the Stutterer movie and how depressing that was. Gary said that Kenneth Keith also did a porn movie and that was pretty disturbing. He said Ken did this chick and finished in about 20 seconds. Howard said that at one point in the John the Stutterer movie he asks the chick to spit on his dick and it was just gross.
JD said they have some audio from John's porn movie up on Howard's computer. Howard played one clip where John is telling the chick that he's sorry and no one was sure why he was doing that. Howard said John's penis was really red because the chick had been doing him so long. In the clip John is talking about how he's going to cum and then finishes on the chick's face. Howard said John asks to kiss the chick who he'd just finished on. He said it was just gross and depressing.
Howard had another porn movie outtake where this porn chick starts crying after getting yelled at by another woman. The crying woman says that she didn't know the scene was going to be like that. The guys on the set tried to calm her down. Howard said the movie is available at JerkOffZone.com
Howard had another clip where a woman got a splinter from a piece of wood that was shoved inside of her. She blamed a guy on the set for doing it to her and how she could feel it in her and it was really hurting. Howard said that stuff was depressing as well. He had Lisa G come in to do her preview.
Lisa said that the amount of visitors on the chess site that Howard uses, ICC, has skyrocketed since he mentioned it on the air a few times. Howard said he's still playing but his score went down again and he has someone helping him learn how to play now. That guy has been telling him it could take years to learn how to play really well. It's not a game you just play really well from the start. Howard said he just wants to win. He said he doesn't have a really expensive chess set or anything. He just took out the set he used back when he was in 7th grade or so. He said the set is kind of shitty and it's not like he remembered it being. He might buy an antique set or something if he can find a nice one. That was it for Lisa so Howard let her go.
Howard said that David Copperfield has a new scam where he's claiming that he's found a fountain of youth and he puts flowers in there and they magically come to life. Howard also read a story about a bomb that was planned for the bombings recently. He read that one of the terrorist families were going to bring their baby on the flight and put the bomb in the baby bottle and blow the plane out of the sky.
Howard read that Bruno Kirby had passed away at the age of 57. The guys talked about that for a short time and talked about some of the great movies Bruno was in including ''The Godfather Part II.''
Howard said there's a new TV show coming on soon and he said it doesn't really appeal to him. They've taken people who are sort of celebrities and they're going to see if they can sing. Howard said he's pretty sure he won't watch that. He said he doesn't want to see Cheech from Cheech and Chong trying to sing karaoke songs.
Howard read part of an interview that Chaunce Hayden did with Nina Blackwood where she said she can't get Howard Stern out of her mind. Howard said that if she had said that about 20 years ago she might have been able to get him. He said he hasn't seen her lately but he thinks that she's around the age of 60 by now. Gary told him that she's going to be 51 this September. Howard said there's no way she could have held up at that age. He said she was hot back in the day when she was on MTV though.
Gary told Howard they had another clip of Wendy on a voice mail. In the clip she was singing a song that was unintelligible because she was drunk at the time. She was calling Robin a ''black whore'' and some other names. She used the N-word at one point so Robin said that maybe she should respond to counter balance the show like George Flowers was suggesting. Artie said if that was his daughter, he would move next to a cliff and tell her to go out and play. Either that or he'd put the Pizza Hut pizza out in the middle of the highway and tell her to go get it. Howard wondered when Wendy got obsessed with Robin because she was spending a lot of time talking about that.
A phone caller told Howard that Wendy called into Shade45 the rap channel the other day and she was using the N-word like crazy. Howard said he may have to talk to her about doing stuff like that.
Howard played a prank call that the guys made to Wendy where they jerked her around with some audio clips ans had her thinking she was in a voice mail system. They also threw in Ronnie the Limo Driver, Mike Walker, Dice Clay and other audio clips. Wendy used the N-word a few times during that call but tried to stop herself a few times.
Howard had John the Stutterer come in a short time later. He said that one of the chicks in the movie is really hot. John brought in this woman G-spot but he didn't like the name so she said he could call her Ginger. Howard said Ginger and one of the other chicks on the web site are pretty hot.
Howard told John that his movie is really depressing. He asked Ginger what it was like to give oral to John. She wouldn't say it was gross or anything but she didn't sound so thrilled about it either. Howard explained some of the stuff he saw in the movie and how he felt sad watching them.
John tried to tell Howard about the movie but Fred was doing his impression of him and had him stuttering like crazy. John said that it is frustrating and depressing to do the movies because he knows that's the only way he can get women. Howard talked to him about the ring around his belly. John says it's from his pants being tight around his waist. John doesn't' wear underwear so that's why it shows up so red.
Howard asked Ginger about her life in porn and found out she's had 5 guys at one time before. She said she may have been doing some coke that night. She said it's also happened more than once.
Yucko the Clown called in and got John all pissed off at him. John was yelling at Yucko calling him names and saying he looks like Robin Williams and a dwarf.
Howard got back to Ginger and asked her how she got into the business. She said she found an ad on CraigsList.com and ended up getting into it that way. Howard said he didn't get to see her naked on the web site so she offered to strip down for them in the studio. She took her clothes off a few seconds later and Howard was saying that she may be too hot for porn. He was amazed that she gave John oral.
John said the best part was when he got to eat her out. He used the c-word to describe it and she was kind of offended by that. John said she called him ugly so he can use that word to describe her pussy. Ginger was telling the guys that she likes to get peed on and she even drinks some of it. She said she really gets excited by that stuff but she's not into anal.
Ginger said she was able to get John off in about 10 minutes and that's pretty good for John because he's on a few medications that slow him down. Ginger said John's cum tasted pretty bad, probably because of what he eats. John said he's a vegetarian so he figured it should taste good. He said he does drink a lot of soda and iced tea and eats hot peppers so maybe that was why it was bad.
Ginger talked about how she only lets certain people pee on her and John wasn't one of them. She said that she has done it in her kitchen. Howard took a call from a woman who said she found John attractive. It turned out to be Yucko the Clown goofing on him. That got John yelling at him again and calling him a Robin Williams look alike. John bragged that he still has his ''rock star'' hair while Yucko has a bald spot.
Howard cut John off and got back to Ginger and said that John is a very lucky guy to have had sex with Ginger. Ginger said that she didn't have sex, she just blew him. John said that she and Ginger had an agreement and she wasn't supposed to say anything derogatory about him. He tried to walk out of the studio because he was so pissed but the guys tried to talk him into staying. Howard told him to get back on mic but he was wandering around trying to find the studio door.
John never walks out on an argument. Ginger apologized to him and said that there are only a few people who have cum that tastes good. Howard said this wasn't like John to walk out like that. Howard told Ginger to go kiss him or something to calm him down. John wouldn't talk to anyone and just went to a corner and stood there. Gary came in and let John walk out. Before that he didn't even know where the door was. Robin said they had him cornered before that and it was kind of funny.
Gary said he didn't know what was going on so he tried to get him on mic. He was walking the halls trying to find John. He found him and asked him what was going on. John said he's never getting involved with good looking porn actresses again because all of the good looking women are whores. He said he now knows that the good looking ones won't fuck him.
John was trying to say something about ''the cloud of ambiguity...'' but he had a hard time with the word. He said that Ginger is the symbol of every good looking woman on the face of this earth. Gary asked him to come back in the studio if he loves the show. John said he knows he's an ugly loser and he didn't want to come back on the show. He said that he hopes that Ginger dies. He's going to stop doing porn with good looking chicks just because Ginger doesn't want to have sex with him.
Gary told John that it's not Ginger's business to like him, it's her job to do stuff to him in porn. John told Howard that Beth likes him because he's better looking than he is. Howard said he doesn't know about that. John told Howard and the rest of the guys that he loves them but he made a mistake by doing porn because it just reiterates that he can't get a good looking chick unless she's paid.
Howard gave John a plug for his porn web site at HereComesJohn.com and his myspace account which is at Myspace.com/johnstutters.
Howard asked John what Ginger could do to make this up to him. He didn't want to come back in to see her ride the Sybian. He said he didn't want to pee or shit on her either. John was upset that she said he wasn't good looking and that she would never have sex with him.
A caller told Howard that John is right and the chick threw him under the bus by saying bad things about him. Ginger said she didn't slander him on the show or anything. She just said she didn't want to have sex with him. Mariann from Brooklyn called in and told John that he's a very nice person and he shouldn't get so upset, he should lighten up.
Benjy told John that he's met good looking girls who have told him that they think John is good looking. Not all good looking girls think that he's ugly. Ginger said she really didn't want to offend John but he gave her a ''fuck you'' after she said that. Yucko the Clown called in again and fooled John into thinking he was on his side for a few seconds. John ended up yelling at him for a little while once again. John kept saying that he lo