Mark's Friggin' Stern Show News

Howard Stern Show News Archives. September 1997

-- Tuesday September 30, 1997 --

George Steinbrenner And Scott Ian On The Phone. 9/30/97. 7:00am
Howard had these two on the phone for a good reason this morning. It seems that Scott Ian, the lead guitarist for Anthrax, while in a drunken stupor broke into the Yankee's training camp down in Florida. He tried to steal a batters box mat. The mat was too big and heavy for him to carry out so he ended up rolling it around the field for a little while. Well he was caught on tape and picked up by the cops. Howard put the two on the phone together to see of Mr. Steinbrenner would give Scott a break. Scott apologized for his actions and Mr. Steinbrenner said he'd look into the situation further to see if he could do anything. Steinbrenner said that Scott sounded like a nice young man so he'd see what he could do for him. Scott said he's never done anything like this before. Steinbrenner is supposed to get back to Howard about the situation. Howard talked to Scott a little bit after Mr. Steinbrenner got off the phone. Howard said that Scott was just trying to impress his girlfriend when he was trying to steal the mat. But Scott has a wife too. It turns out that Scott and his wife have an agreement that they're allowed to date anyone they want to outside of the marriage. He said it was actually his wife's idea and she brought it up on their wedding anniversary! If anything else comes out of this situation I'll let you know.
Queen For A Day. 9/30/97. 7:50am
1997 must be the year of the games on the Stern show. Today they played ''Queen For a Day''. This is where 3 or 4 people call in with their sob stories and the one with the saddest story wins a prize. The prize today was round trip tickets to San Francisco courtesy of Tower Air. Here are the contestants and their stories:
- Jeff - While drunk he fell asleep on railroad tracks on Labor Day and got hit by a train. He's now less one leg, has a metal pelvis and has an eye socket problem.
- Blind Chuck - Chuck has been blind since birth. He's been married 3 times and his last wife left him after he helped her get out of her manic depression. She didn't even call him, his step-daughter let him know that he'd been replaced.
- Mike - HIV positive, got it from sleeping with guys outside of his relationship with a woman. She doesn't know that he's bi-sexual and she may be HIV positive herself.
- Celeste - No sad story here. She wants to get her kid into commercials so that she isn't broke anymore. No one felt sorry for her.
Here's how the voting went. Gary felt that Jeff deserved the prize, Robin chose Chuck, so did Howard and Jackie and Fred picked Jeff. So the winner was Chuck with the most votes. Most of the gang felt that Jeff brought his accident on himself because he's fallen asleep in strange places before while drunk. The strange thing is that Chuck won't be able to see any of the sights in San Francisco when he goes. Maybe he'll find a woman out there.
Comedian Paul Rodriguez Comes In / Naked Singer. 9/30/97. 8:25am
Paul Rodriguez came in to plug his new comedy CD ''Cheese and Macaroni''. Paul has bad mouthed Howard in the past but Howard thinks that Paul is so funny that it doesn't really matter. Paul was very talkative this morning. He talked about everything from how his father was just like Howard's to the fact that he saw Washington DC Mayor Marion Barry sitting at a table with a pile of Cocaine in front of him back in the late 70's. He even commented on how Andrew Dice Clay has lost his edge and how he's not funny anymore. Earlier in the morning a woman by the name of Rachel had asked if she could come in and do anything to play her song on the air. Actually it was her brother who called but who cares.. Howard said she could come down and sing if she got naked. She came in and did just that during Paul's segment. When she was on the phone she said that she was pretty cute but I guess she wasn't exactly telling the truth. She claimed to be 5'10'', 125 pounds. Howard said her giant breasts probably weighed 125 pounds alone. She also had hairy armpits and legs. Her live singing performance wasn't that great either. Howard agreed to let her sing a little bit before getting naked to see if it was good enough that she wouldn't have to get naked. Within 3 seconds of her singing Howard told her to stop and get undressed. She took off her clothes but left her bra on because she couldn't play the guitar with her breasts flopping around. Howard also played some of her CD which sounded a little better than her live singing but it still wasn't that great. Before she left Howard and Paul asked Rachel to give them a ''Sharon Stone'' crossing of the legs to show her crotch area. She did it and there was quite a reaction from the guys. I think it was a little hairier then they expected.
''Wuz Up Wit My Secret'' Game. 9/30/97. 9:25am
Paul Rodriguez stuck around to play this game called ''Wuz Up Wit My Secret''. Two other people came in to be the 3 member panel of players. Richard Johnson of the New York Post and Howard's favorite Scores manager Lonny Hanover were the other 2 players. A man entered the room in the back and the object of the game was to guess what his secret was. He was a stand up comedian and he sounded a little bit like Chris Rock. He did a minute or so of his routine and it was mostly about the white man. Paul Rodriguez was the first player. He asked the following questions:
- Are you live in the studio? - Yes
- Are you black? - No
So that was the secret and the game was over. Most of the people in the room said that they could tell he wasn't a black man. Howard said that he sounded more black on an audio tape he sent in. That's his act, he goofs on the black comics who goof on white people. His name is Neil Feinberg and you can get his CD or Tape or whatever the hell it is for $9.95 through the following number: 1-888-STANKHO... yes that's right.. STANK HO.
-- Monday September 29, 1997 --
Homeless Brady Bunch Concept. 9/29/97. 7:35am
Howard had a bit made up for a homeless version of the Brady Bunch. It starred 3 homeless people as Greg, Bobby and Cindy and one normal woman as Marcia. It was pretty funny. Here are the words to the theme song to the theme of the real Brady Bunch song:
It's a sad story, about a jerk named Brady Who was bringing up 3 broads as cute as hell But he lost his cash with bad investments The damn stock market fell
Now the house is, in bank foreclosure They were forced to live in boxes on the street They wear clothes they pick out of the garbage, with only rats to eat
Now they're homeless and they are all eating dog food And we think that little Cindy's selling crack But there's hope for the once rich and happy family Now that little Marcia Brady's coming back
The homeless Brady Bunch The homeless Brady Bunch
Now Jan is turning tricks to pay for lunch

Since there wasn't much else happening on the show today I thought I'd include it in today's news.
F-Emmy Awarded For ''Best Lesbian Story''. 9/29/97. 7:50am
Howard finally got around to giving out another F-Emmy award today. This one was for ''Best Lesbian Story'' and the following calls were the nominees:
- Marina, 18 year old girl who made it with teacher.
- Dani, woman who made it with 3 girls.
- Girl who made it with step-aunt.
And the winner is... Marina for her sexy story about making it with her teacher. Marina was on the phone to accept her award. She said that she's been having lots of fun since her last lesbian experience. She goes to strip clubs and gets lap dances from the female dancers.
Real Doll Update. 9/29/97. 9:35am
Howard's Real Doll is almost complete according to Gary. He came in to give Howard the good news this morning. He said that the creator will be flying the doll to New York when it's done but he needs some help paying for the flight. He also asked to be put up in a hotel and have transportation provided to the studio. Howard doesn't have a problem with it but General Manager Tom Chiusano may. He's not one to pay for things like this. I'm sure they'll get it all straightened out soon. The guy will be bringing the doll on the plane with him so he has to have an extra seat for her. He said that he'll also have to bring her through the airport on a wheelchair. What a sight that'll be! Howard said he want's the E! guys to film it for the TV show. Stay tuned for more on this story!
-- Friday September 26, 1997 --
The Mike Walker Game. 9/26/97. 7:25am
Today's guest player for the Mike Walker game was some DJ from Israel by the name of Dee Dee Herapi or something like that. Howard interviewed him for a few minutes before playing the game but it wasn't that interesting. Eventually they got around to playing the Mike Walker game. Here are this week's four stories, try to pick out the fake one:
1. Liz Hurley has told Hugh Grant that if he embarasses her one more time with then she's done with him.
2. Bryant Gumble is in the process of getting divorced from his wife. His new woman said that she wants to start a family but he doesn't want to so the wedding plans are on hold.
3. Madonna made her hair dresser wait in her living room for 2 hours so she and her man Carlos could ''talk about old times''.
4. People at The Tonight Show sent out Jay Leno's favorite blue suits so they could dress him in some different colors. Jay refused to do the show without his lucky suits.
Fred wasn't playing this week. Jackie chose number 1 as the fake, Howard picked 3, Dee Dee picked 3, Dee Dee's companion picked number 3, Robin also chose 3. The actual fake story was number 3. Jackie was the only one to get it wrong.
Eric Roberts Comes In. 9/26/97. 8:05am
Actor Eric Roberts came in to plug a new TV show that he has on ABC called ''C-16''. Before Eric came in he was doing some strange things out in the green room. He was blowing his nose with help from his wife and makeup person and he was blowing his armpits dry with a hair dryer. When he came in he had some advice for other actors who have a sweat problem. He said that you can use women's panty liners to soak up the sweat if you're in a bind. Sounds like a great idea Eric... Why not use some damn deodorant? Eric was supposed to be going on Regis and Kathy Lee after doing Howard's show so Howard asked him if he'd give Kathy Lee a copy of the latest issue of Playboy. It has pictures of the woman who aledgedly had an affair with Kathy Lee's husband Frank. Eric accepted the mission no problem. Howard learned that Kathy Lee wasn't scheduled to do the show today so he told Eric to give it to Regis' wife Joy. Later in the show someone called in and said that Eric didn't complete his mission though. Ah, who cares..
Drew Carey Comes In. 9/26/97. 8:50am
Comedian Drew Carey came in to plug his new book ''Dirty Jokes and Beer, Stories Of The Unrefined''. Drew has a TV show on ABC that airs Wednesday nights at 9. Howard spent most of the interview talking about the book and the interesting facts in it. There's one chapter about what the ABC censors wont let on the air. Drew's other big story is about how he was molested at the age of 9. He didn't get into details about that though. He said he doesn't want to make a career out of that part of his life. At the age of 18 he tried to kill himself by taking sleeping pills. He tried it again in his 20's. He didn't have any luck obviously. Howard also found out that Drew is a fan of porno movies. He talked about meeting a bunch of them at some convention. Drew's co-star Christa Miller who plays Kate on ''The Drew Carey Show'' was with Drew today so Howard had her come into the studio. She's pretty good looking so Howard enjoyed her presence. It turns out that she's dating the guy who played ''Miles'' on ''Murphy Brown''. He left the show after 8 seasons to do other things. Howard goofed on the guy because of that. Howard thinks that actors should stick to hit shows because they usually end up doing nothing after leaving them. He called the guy ''...Suzanne Somers with a penis...''. Everyone seemed to have fun during the interview.
Status Of The Private Parts Gold CD. 9/26/97. 9:45am
Just for your information. The gold CD certificate hidden inside a copy of the ''Private Parts'' soudntrack is still out there somewhere. Keep buying those CD's and maybe you'll get lucky.
-- Thursday September 25, 1997 --
Melrose Larry Plays Tape Of Dice Clay On ''Politically Incorrect''. 9/25/97. 6:20am
Melrose Larry Green called in with tape of last night's ''Politically Incorrect'' show. Dice and George Hamilton were on the show talking about Howard for a half hour. Howard listened to about 10 minutes of the show over the phone but ended up hanging up on Larry. George Hamilton was his usual stupid self saying things about Howard that were just dumb. Dice was calling Howard ''Rat boy'' again and just repeating what he said on the phone with Howard. Howard really didn't have much to say about the show.
David, Writer For Mancow, Calls In. 9/25/97. 7:10am
A guy called in saying that he writes for Mancow in Chicago. He said that he writes characters for phone calls but he doesn't get paid very well by the Manqueer. The guy was asking for a job with Howard. Howard said he'd read his material but didn't make any promises.
Wacky Lesbians, Susan And Star, Come In. 9/25/97. 7:15am
One of these women called in the other day and said that she'd walk around the streets of Manhattan with tampons in her nose to win a Private Parts Prize Package. When she came in this morning she said that she didn't want to be filmed for E!. Howard figured that it wasn't worth doing if they couldn't have footage for the TV show. But she had other interesting things to talk about. She said that she's a hooker and that she'll do anything for $100. Howard said she was really good looking too. He couldn't believe that she only cost $100. Then she said that her girlfriend Star was there and they'd do stuff together for $100 a piece. Howard talked to them about their jobs for a little while and found out that they turn 60 to 80 tricks a week. They're busiest during lunch hour during the week because all of the office workers in the city come out to get laid. Howard eventually booted them out of the studio since they weren't going to appear on E!
Steve Grillo Interviews Kitty Kelly. 9/25/97. 7:40am
Steve Grillo went out and interviewed this woman Kitty Kelly who wrote a book about Princess Diana. Here are some of the questions he asked:
- Have you ever helped AIDS patients or land mine victims?
- Have you ever gone through celebrities garbage to find dirt on them?
- Have you found any dirt on Mother Theresa?
- How anxious are you to write a book about Marv Albert?
- Your name is Kitty, were you named after a cat?
- Will you write a book about Bill Cosby?
- What about that scumbag Jerry Lewis?
Kitty sort of answered the questions but seemed dazed by the subject matter. Steve was kicked out after the Jerry Lewis question. Kitty's publicist asked Steve how he could ask such questions.
Sandy Taylor (aka Sandy Korn) Comes In. 9/25/97. 9:45am
As soon as Howard brought Sandy in he had another contestant for the Private Parts Prize Package. This woman ate one of Howard's boogers for a PPPP. Howard pulled out a nice big juicy booger fresh from his nose and the woman ate it right up. She said it didn't have any taste. Howard also gave her a round trip ticket to Los Angeles courtesy of Tower Air. Later in the show the woman called back and said that she couldn't go back to work because everyone there was listening to the show. She said that she was going to quit. Anyway, back to Sandy... Sandy Taylor is an old friend of the show. She used to be a Penthouse Pet years ago but she underwent an amazing transformation from a pretty Penthouse Pet to a Gorgeous model type actress. She came in this morning to plug some new movie that she's in with Ed Begley Jr. and Sally Kellerman. It's an independent film called ''Lay Of The Land'' and it's only showing in New York and Los Angeles right now. Sandy also made an appearance in the latest ''Batman'' movie. I didn't see the movie so I don't know what part she played but she said she was frozen by Mr. Freeze. Howard gave Sandy some intelligence questions because the last time she was in she didn't know who the Vice President of the United States was. This time she was a little better off. Here are some of her questions:
- What is Superman's secret identity? - ''Dean Cain'' - yes she was serious but changed her answer to ''Clark Kent''
- When is Halloween? - ''October 31'' - Correct
- Where was Napoleon from? - ''Italy'' - Incorrect but Howard said close enough. She answered ''France'' later.
- Finish this ''Give me liberty or give me...'' - ''Death'' - Correct
- Who invented the light bulb? - ''Thomas Edison'' - Correct
- Who is Newt Gingrich? - ''Speaker of the house'' - Correct
- What is the chemical name for water? - ''H₂0'' - Correct
- Spell Alcohol. - Correct answer
- What fruit fell on Newton's head? - ''Fig'' - Incorrect
- How many strings on a guitar? - ''37'' - Incorrect
Okay, so she didn't do too bad. Howard moved on after that. Howard asked her if it was true that she dated Dodi Al Fayed at one point. She confirmed that but she wouldn't get into too much detail. She did give him a rating of 7 for his bedroom skills though. An old boyfriend of Sandy's called in but he didn't have much to say so Howard hung up on him. If you were wondering whether or not Sandy has a nude scene in her new movie.. She does. Rent it when it comes out on video.
Tom Arnold Comes In. 9/25/97. 8:25am
Tom Arnold came in to plug his new show ''The Tom Show'' which airs on the WB Network on Sunday nights. Howard had some tape of a phony phone call that Gary made to Tom yesterday. The idea was to see if they could get Tom to say stuff that wasn't true when he came on the air today. Gary asked Tom if he'd say that his co-star Ed McMahon smells bad or if he'd say that he just married Roseanne for the money. There were a bunch of questions like that. The first time Howard played the tape it wasn't bleeped correctly. The guy who was supposed to censor the curse words on the tape just didn't do his job so Howard had to stop playing it. Gary took the tape and had it done correctly while Howard was interviewing Tom. Most of the conversation was about the fact that Tom has had hair transplants and scalp reductions. Not just one or two but five or six! He's had his scalp reductions done about three or four times. The scalp reductions actually pull the hairline towards the front of the head so it doesn't look like he's going bald. OUCH! He said something about it costing him more than $100,000! Quite a sum of money to spend for hair.
Star The Lesbian Returns. 9/25/97. 9:10am
One of the Lesbians from earlier this morning came back to volunteer to walk the streets in bra and panties with tampons hanging out of her nose. She loaded up and went for it. She also said that they were lying earlier when they said that they were hookers. She said that they're just lesbians who do a lesbian show together. They're not whores...Yeah right. So she did all of this just to win one of the Private Parts Prize Packages.
-- Wednesday September 24, 1997 --
Guy With 2 Anus' Comes In. 9/24/97. 7:00am
This guy called in yesterday and claimed that he has 2 anus'. Most of his phone call was censored because of the subject matter. It wasn't much different when he came in this morning. I counted at least 6 hits of the delay button during the short interview. The guy was trying to describe what his condition was but every time he'd say something the delay would be hit and everything he said was blocked out. Howard would try to explain what the guy was talking about but he'd get the delay also. From what I could gather, the guy had some kind of cyst on his ass and when he had it removed or whatever the doctor made a second hole in his rear. He pulled down his pants and spread his cheeks to show Robin but she said it just looked like a pimple. He also had a story to tell about Psychic Linda Georgian. He said that his friends double teamed her at his house or something like that. Howard didn't seem interested in the story so he didn't let him get into too much detail. Anyway, Howard gave the guy one of the Private Parts Prize Packages for his troubles.
Howard Talks To Croatian Radio Dicks. 9/24/97. 7:15am
Some radio broadcasters from Croatia were on the phone to talk to Howard this morning. The guys claim that they're number one in Croatia but Howard asked them how they could prove it. The guys said that they think that they're number one. They don't actually have any proof of that. The guys didn't have anything to talk about other than the fact that Howard's movie is coming out over there. The movie has been re named ''King Of Airwaves'' since ''Private Parts'' probably doesn't mean anything to the rest of the world. Howard brought up the subject of the Croatians and the Serbians fighting over there but he made a little mistake about who he supported. Howard made the mistake of saying that the Serbs supported the Nazi's back in WW2. It was the other way around and a bunch of people called in after the interview to correct him. The Croatians were cursing so much that Howard had to get rid of them.
Alan Thicke Comes In. 9/24/97. 7:40am
Alan Thicke came in to plug a new game show that he's hosting. It's ''Pictionary'' with celebrities. Pictionary is the game that's like charades but on paper. Alan is married to a young ''Miss World'' that he met when she was 23 years old. They just had a baby about 10 weeks ago. Alan had a couple of funny stories to tell about his past. His ex-wife left him for some soap opera star years ago. But before that happened he had an interesting thing happen with a housekeeper they had. One night while sleeping his big fat Hatian housekeeper crawled into bed with him and wrapped her leg around him. Alan said that he didn't say anything because his wife would be getting up in a couple of hours. He just laid there wide awake waiting for his wife to get up. When she did get up she didn't even notice the housekeeper hiding under the sheets. Alan eventually got up and asked the house keeper what the deal was. She eventually went to some kind of counseling to find out what was wrong. She had some psychological problems and she was imagining that she was Alan's wife. Pretty wacky stuff. Alan's show is on the air now, check your local listings for times.
23 Year Old Virgin Comes In. 9/24/97. 8:25am
This woman called in the other day and said that she was a good looking 6' tall virgin. She also said that she's one of those women who chats online but she's actually good looking. Howard invited her down to the studio to see what she looks like. She's a web page designer but she didn't say what the name of the company was. Howard said that she really was good looking although she was wearing an ugly outfit. She agreed to strip down to bra and panties to show Howard what she really looked like. She had a great body, other than her slightly too small B-Cup breasts. Howard told her not to wear that outfit anymore and she'd look great. The reason she's still a virgin is because she's afraid that a guy will leave her after she sleeps with him. Howard and Robin both thought that she might be lesbian. She said that she did kiss a woman once but says that she's not a lesbian. She does perform oral sex on guys but she won't do anything else. Howard had to cut her interview a little short because Andrew ''Dice'' Clay was on the phone to talk about what he said about Howard the other day.
Howard vs Dice On The Phone. 9/24/97. 8:35am
Well it looks like the end of a friendship. Howard wanted to give Dice some advice on his career this morning but the phone call turned ugly. After Dice's recent appearance on the show he was interviewed by Chauncy from ''Steppin Out'' magazine. In the interview he said that Howard ''was a little off'' that day. He was basically blaming Howard for his own not-so-funny appearance. Howard got pretty pissed about it and wanted to confront Dice about it. I was cringing during the whole phone call. Howard tried to give Dice some advice but Dice just bad mouthed Howard and called him ''Rat boy''. He called Howard ugly and kept bringing up the fact that Jackie writes jokes for Howard but Dice writes his own stuff. The two of them went at it for a good 20 to 25 minutes without taking a breath. It was pretty intense. Dice's TV show ''Hitz'' is down near the bottom of the ratings. He's like 107th out of 109 tv shows rated. Howard brought that up but Dice said that the show was doing fine. The phone call just turned out to be just one big mess. Eventually Howard hung up on Dice because Dice wasn't listening to what he was saying. A little while after the call Howard said that he'd still be willing to talk to Dice if they could just avoid the name calling. I don't think we'll be hearing from Dice anytime soon.
Japanese Broadcasters Visit The Studio. 9/24/97. 9:30am
30 little tiny Japanese guys came down to the studio to see a real American broadcaster in action. 2 of the guys are the number one broadcasters in Japan. Only a couple of the people understood English. The rest of them were taking tons of pictures of Howard. Before they visited Howard they went to Disneyland. Howard had the English speaking woman interpret some of his statements to the Japanese. He told them to get rid of the little sticks and use forks and spoons, and to cook their fish. He also wondered why they could believe that Buddha was god. He demanded that they take back Yoko Ono. They all laughed at that one. Howard took a couple of questions from the broadcasters. ''Who is the worst DJ in the world?'' was the first question. Howard told them there were too many to choose from. They invited Howard to come to Japan but he turned them down. As they were leaving the studio they were snapping pictures and giving him a watch as a gift.
-- Tuesday September 23, 1997 --
Howard Talks To Jaid Barrymore. 9/23/97. 6:20am
Drew Barrymore was interviewed by Barbara Walters recently. In the interview she mentioned the fact that she and her mother weren't talking. Howard wanted to find out more from Drew's mother Jaid. He spent some time talking with her today. Jaid confirmed that they're not talking but she's willing to make up whenever Drew wants to. Jaid is appearing in the same play as Steve Grillo is... ''Grandma Sylvia's Funeral''
Sean Lennon Buys Gay Magazines Wearing Bra & Panties. 9/23/97. 7:20am
No this isn't John Lennon's son. A listener by the name of Sean called Howard yesterday and said he'd do anything to get a Private Parts Prize Package which includes the following:
- T-Shirt
- Necktie
- Boombox
- Key Chain
- Book
The prize package was for some promotion that Howard was supposed to do recently but didn't get around to it. Howard came up with the idea to dress the guy in women's underwear and send him out to pick up some gay magazines from a news stand on the streets of New York. The 5'10'' 290 pound Sean came down and didn't hesitate to get into the bra and panties. A short time later he was hailing a cab to head over to the news stand. He picked up the gay magazines and even asked the news guy out on a date. Sean seemed to enjoy his mission. He told Howard that his wife said she'd leave him if he did it but that didn't stop him. He's now the proud owner of a bunch of Private Parts merchandise.
London DJ Lets Howard Feel Her Breast Implants. 9/23/97. 7:25am
While Howard was over in London he met a female DJ who let him feel her soybean oil filled breast implants. Today she was in New York so she stopped by to let everyone else feel them. Kara was her name and letting guys touch her breasts is her game. She's an older woman in her 40's but Howard said she's got a nice body. Howard was first to feel her up. She didn't take off her shirt so he was feeling them over a shirt. Jackie, Fred and Gary were also allowed to give her a squeeze. She wasn't plugging anything other than the station she's on over in London. She said she was just visiting.
Jaleel White (Steve Erkel) Comes In. 9/23/97. 8:10am
20 year old Jaleel White came in to hang out with Howard and the gang for a bit. Howard interviewed him about his life as a star. He's managed to maintain a relatively normal life unlike a lot of Hollywood stars. The character he plays on ''Family Matters'' is a very nerdy kid. Howard was wondering if Jaleel has to prove to people that he's not really a nerd. Jaleel said that most people know better. He started working on ''Family Matters'' when he was 12 years old and basically saved the show. He was brought in for just one show but he was so good that he was made a regular. The show is going into it's 9th season and they should all be thanking this kid for keeping the show alive. Howard also spent quite a bit of time asking Jaleel about his sex life. He didn't start getting women until he was 17 or so. He doesn't date anyone he works with or fans who call him ''Erkel''. It sounded like Jaleel had a good time doing the interview.
Comedian Robert Shimmel Comes In. 9/23/97. 9:10am
This guy called in a couple of months ago with some funny stories about his career. Today he came in with even more great stories. He was also in to plug his new CD ''Robert Shimmel Comes Clean''. Howard and Robert talked about Andrew ''Dice'' Clay for a little while but then moved on to Robert's life. His kid had cancer from the age of 3 but lived until he was 11. The Make-A-Wish foundation came to Bob and told him they wanted to do something for his kid. Bob said that his son always wanted to see Dolly Parton perform oral sex on his dad. They ended up sending the kid to Disneyland instead. Then while he was there the Goofey character took off the kid's hat but he didn't realize that the kid was bald from his cancer treatments. Goofey just looked at the kid with his big giant smile frozen on his face. Robert has also been married to his wife 3 different times. He also just had a minor heart attack a few days ago. Robert's bad luck showed up when his mother's life story was bought by Steven Speilberg. It was a long story but his mother was a holocaust survivor and her story was picked up by some Hollywood producers and then Speilberg got it. Then his mother said that he couldn't write for the story. Her own son she wouldn't hire... Before he left he also talked about the fact that he has only one testicle. One was taken out a few years ago when a doctor felt it was necessary to remove it. Wow! He's had one hell of a life! Robert was really funny and he's got some great stories to tell. Check out his CD if you get a chance.
E! Pulls Savannah Show From Schedule. 9/23/97. 9:55am
You may have noticed that this week's E! show schedule listed Monday's 11:00 show as "Savannah From Scores Pay-Per-View''. That show didn't air last night and was replaced with a rerun. Today Howard said that the people at E! pulled the show because of some footage that they felt wasn't fit for airing. The show was edited and will air tonight at 11.
-- Monday September 22, 1997 --
The First Of The F-Emmy's Is Handed Out. 9/22/97. 7:25am
It's that time of the year once again. Time to hand out the F-Emmy's or FMies, however the hell you want to spell it. It's the Stern show's version of the Emmy's. The first category ''Best Celebrity Revelation'' was handed out this morning. The nominees were:
- David Spade talks about his step-dad's suicide.
- John Popper talks about sitting on a wall mounted toilet and breaking it.
- Mia Farrow tells about Woody Allen's weird shower needs.
And the winner is, John Popper and his toilet story. John was on the phone to accept. The award was given to him and I'm assuming that it was taped for E!. The actual award is a gold tampon mounted on a base of some sort. This was the only F-Emmy given out today. I'm sure more will be given out during the rest of the week.
Rolf Moeller Comes In. 9/22/97. 7:45am
You may be wondering who Rolf Moeller is. Well he's the new Conan The Barbarian from a new TV series. You may remember Arnold Schwartenegger as Conan in the movies years ago. Rolf is a 6'6'' 265 pound guy so he fits the part pretty well. He and Howard spoke for a short period of time about how to build up that much muscle and about steroids. Rolf admitted to using steroids back in the '80's. He said that he had to work out for 6 hours a day to get as big as he is now. The new Conan The Barbarian TV series airs in New York and Los Angeles on Saturday evenings.
Aerosmith's Steven Tyler And Joe Perry Come In. 9/22/97. 8:45am
Steven and Joe came in to plug a new book called ''Walk This Way'' that has a bunch of amazing stories about Steven's life in it. Howard asked Steven about a bunch of them so here's a quick summary of the bizarre things Steven was involved with:
- He used to trap raccoons by luring them into a trap with sardines.
- He beat one of those raccoons to death with a stick.
- He used to blow up frogs with fireworks.
- People used to call him ''ni**er lips'' as a child.
- His first sexual experience was with a hooker at age 15.. He was 4th in line out of 5 friends.
- He passed out at a party after taking amal nitrate at Monty Rock III's party. Woke up nude.
- Slept with DJ Carol Miller so she'd play his songs on the radio.
- Once had a 15 year old girl live with him after getting her parents permission.
- Used to cheat on drug tests by taping a condom full of urine to his thigh.
It sounds like there's a hell of a lot of great stories in the book. Check it out. The guys also performed a couple of songs while they were in. If you're a fan of Aerosmith then you'd probably like the songs they did. I wasn't that impressed but that's just me. Steven's 19 year old daughter Mia was also there. She loves Howard so she came in to spend a few minutes with the guys.
-- Friday September 19, 1997 --
Dice Disses Howard! 9/19/97. 6:20am
Howard was pissed this morning. After Andrew Dice Clay made his appearance the other day he did an interview with Chauncy from Steppin Out magazine. In that interview he blamed his boring appearance on Howard. Howard went off on Dice this morning. Howard said that Dice was boring and that he told Robin that after the interview. Howard thinks that Dice has lost his edge and that his new show really blows. He spent a hell of a lot of time on this subject too. I don't think we'll be hearing Dice on the show anytime in the near future, if at all. Dice should have just kept his mouth shut and not blame Howard for his own failure.
NY Mayoral Candidate Ruth Messinger Calls In. 9/19/97. 7:00am
Ruth Messinger is running for Mayor in New York City. She called in I guess to get Howard's endorsement for that office. Howard was happy to have her on but he said that he just has to back the current mayor Rudy Giuliani because he's doing such a great job.
Matt, The Creator Of Real Doll. 9/19/97. 7:15am
Howard spoke with the creator of those Real Dolls that Howard spent so much time talking about yesterday. In case you missed it yesterday Howard visited a web site that has these lifelike sex dolls made out of silicone. Howard is going to get one so he can try making love to it. The dolls cost around $4,500 and you can choose what she looks like. The guy who created these dolls, Matt, was on the phone today. He says that he's sold about 150 of these things in the 6 months that he's been in business. There must be a hell of a lot of horny guys out there with $4000 to spend on a damn sex doll. Howard wanted to have one shipped out to him as soon as possible but Matt says that he doesn't have any in stock other than a demonstrator that's been beaten up a bit. The demo doll has a gash in her head and she's not exactly what Howard was looking to get. Matt said it'll take about 4 weeks to make a new one so Howard will have to wait. The doll will become the new mascot of the show according to Howard. Matt said that the doll weighs as much as a real woman so they're not easy to get dressed. Howard is going to get the ''Stacy'' model with the 5'7'' body. She'll have dark, straight hair and have C-Cup breasts. Stay tuned for more updates in the near future!
Richard Lewis Comes In. 9/19/97. 7:55am
Comedian Richard Lewis dropped in to plug his new TV show ''Hiller and Diller'' on ABC. Richard was his usual strange self this morning. He just about walked out of the studio when Howard started taking negative phone calls. Howard calmed him down and continued to take the calls. Some guy that knows Richard rambled on and on about some crap that didn't make much sense. Richard kept quiet the whole time until Howard hung up on the guy. Richard tried to explain what the deal was with the guy but I don't think anyone cared. Richard's show will air on Tuesday night right after ''Home Improvement''.
''My Dead Lady'' The Musical. 9/19/97. 8:45am
Howard and the gang did a musical play about the Lady Diana car crash. There were a bunch of songs that each of the cast sang. Howard played Dodi Fayed, Robin played Lady Diana, Fred played the paparazzi and Jackie played the drunken Henri Paul. They hadn't rehearsed the play at all so it was a little rough. The roughest part was when Jackie screwed up his song. After they tried it out Howard said that they'd go into the studio and record the songs so it flows a little smoother. Hopefully the play will make it to the E! show sometime.
The Mike Walker Game With Guest Francesca Hilton. 9/19/97. 9:35am
Zsa Zsa Gabor's daughter, Francesca Hilton, came in to play the Mike Walker game today. Howard didn't waste any time getting on the phone with Mike. Mike had a story to tell about what a jerk Andrew Dice Clay is. Mike was at a hotel somewhere when one of Dice's guys came up to him and told him that Dice wanted to meet him. Mike had to walk out to Dice's limo to say ''hi''. He got there and Dice just said ''yo'' to Mike. Mike shook his hand and asked him a if anything interesting has happened while he's been promoting his TV show. Dice answered ''Not so far''. Mike got bored with the conversation and had to leave. Dice just yelled ''Let's roll'' to his men and they all piled into his white limo. Mike found him to be a real ''jerk''. Howard agreed with him and told him about what Dice had done to him. So after that they got to the game... Here are this week's 4 National Enquirer stories. Pick out the fake item:
1. Jerry Seinfeld was so bored during a Yoga class that he fell asleep.
2. Larry King got married to a 37 year old woman without a pre-nuptial agreement.
3. Chubby Checker stopped singing during an appearance at a high school to yell at a woman to stop her from video taping him. He didn't finish his show.
4. Dustin Hoffman's wardrobe guy recently saw him wearing beat up old underwear with holes in them. They're the same underwear he wore in his breakthrough movie ''The Graduate''. Dustin wears them because he thinks they bring him good luck.
Francesca first picked number 4 as the fake but changed her choice to number 1. Robin chose number 1. Howard picked 3 as his first choice but changed his mind to number 1. Jackie picked number 4, as did Fred. The actual fake story was number 4. Francesca Hilton hung around for a few minutes after the game but it wasn't very interesting.
John Popper Drops In. 9/19/97. 10:50am
John Popper, lead singer of Blues Traveler, came in to chat with Howard before doing a guest DJ appearance on WXRK in New York. John and Howard spent a few minutes talking about guns and shooting animals. John told a story about having to shoot a snapping turtle near his house because the thing almost attacked his dog. He said that it took 4 shots from a .44 magnum to kill the thing. He said that the bullets were bouncing off of the turtles shell! Eventually he killed the thing but it sure put up a fight. After that he told a story about how he had to kill a pigeon. He was at a party or something when a bird flew into a wall and broke it's neck. It couldn't fly so John's friends asked him to shoot it. He pumped 5 shots in it from a .22 pistol but it wasn't dead. He said he eventually went upstairs, got a microphone stand and beat the pigeon to death. John always has a great story to tell when he comes in...
-- Thursday September 18, 1997 --
Stuttering John Interviews Kirk Douglas. 9/18/97. 6:50am
Stuttering John somehow managed to get a quick interview with Kirk Douglas. Kirk suffered a stroke about a year and a half ago so his speech was a bit slurred. John asked Kirk about some nude scene he did with Farrah Fawcett in a movie. Kirk didn't really understand what John asked so he didn't give much of an answer. Then someone pulled Kirk away from John. It was a quick one that's for sure.
Web Site Of The Day. 9/18/97. 6:55am
Howard's web site of the day, www.realdoll.com, features silicone mannequins that look and feel like real women. Howard wants to get one to see just how good they are. The one that he wants, ''Stacy'', would cost close to $5,000! Howard spent a hell of a lot of time on this site reading all about the dolls and the features you can get. A little later in the show bloated attorney Dominic Barbara called in. Howard wants him to purchase the doll and bring it down to the station. Dominic checked out the dolls and said that he'd send someone from his office to Chicago to pick up the doll. Then he said he'd sit her in the seat next to him on the airplane. When the doll arrives I'll let you know. If you visit the site today it may be a little slow. After Howard announced the URL the site was overwhelmed with visitors.
Mark Harris Visits. 9/18/97. 7:30am
The flaming queen Mark Harris came in today without his new violinist boyfriend from Germany. When he called in a couple of weeks ago he said he'd bring this new boyfriend with him. No such luck today. Mark said that he broke up with him but he's going back to Germany just to make sure that they're actually broken up. Mark was a bore as usual. He was being a pain in the ass too. He wouldn't record some ID's that Howard wanted him to. He didn't want to say certain things about his late wife Martha Ray. He would just go off on a tangent about his ball sack during the recording. Howard tried to get him to record them on the air but he ended up doing the same crap. Mark also had a jingle that he wrote for Snapple. That really sucked just like every other song he's ever written. Howard was taking calls from listeners who weren't too thrilled with Mark being on the air. Everyone seems to dislike him a hell of a lot. Howard says that he could listen to Mark all day though.
The Woman Who ''Lights Up A Room''. 9/18/97. 8:15am
Howard recently read a letter from a woman who claims that people tell her that she ''lights up a room'' when she walks in. Today she came down to the studio to prove it to Howard but Howard made a game out of it. First of all he brought in 3 judges: Kevin Smith, Director of the movie ''Clerks'' and ''Chasing Amy'', Jason Mewes an actor who was in ''Clerks'' and A.J. Benza, a columnist from the New York Times. Howard really liked the ''Superman'' script that Kevin wrote and sent to Howard. That movie will be directed by Tim Burton but he's not sticking with the original script. Someone sent me the address for a web site that has the script on it. I don't know who this guy though...Howard then had 3 women come into the studio. One of the 3 women is the actual woman, Victoria, who said that she lights up a room. The judges had to try and figure out which one was the real Victoria. All 3 women read from the letter that Victoria wrote. They all did terrible reads so it wasn't easy to tell which one it was. After interviewing all of the women and hearing them talk a bit the judges and Howard made their picks. The Number 2 woman was the one woman who actually lit up the room while she was there but just about everyone thought that she wasn't the one that wrote the actual letter. It turned out that number 3 was the woman who wrote the letter. Howard told her that she didn't light up the room at all. She says that people tell her that she should be an actress or something. None of the judges think that she'd be able to act either. They rated her on her ability to become a star on a scale of 1 to 10.. She rated down below 5 with all of them. During this nightmare Howard got a phone call from Ed McMahon...
The Real Ed McMahon Calls In! 9/18/97. 8:40am
That's right! The real Ed McMahon called in to plug a tv show that he's on now. Ed is one of those people that you'd never expect to call the show because Howard has made fun of him in the past. Ed is now appearing on ''The Tom Show'' on the WB network. This is Tom Arnold's show so Tom must have told Ed that Howard isn't so bad. Howard had him do his famous ''Hi Ohhhh'' over the phone a couple of times before talking with him. They talked about Ed and Johnny Carson's relationship and about Ed's marriages among other things. Ed said that he finds Howard to be a very talented broadcaster even though he doesn't agree with everything he says. He even saw ''Private Parts'' the movie and enjoyed it. Howard tried to get Ed to bad mouth a bunch of people but Ed just wouldn't do it. Howard asked him about Jerry Lewis and Jay Leno but Ed wouldn't say a bad word about them. The only person he almost said bad stuff about was some reporter from Star Magazine who wrote an article about him. He sued her and won. It sounded like Ed had a good time during the call so maybe he'll come into the studio sometime. Howard promoted this phone call yesterday on the show and to tell the truth I didn't believe that Ed would actually call in. It surprised the hell out of me.
-- Friday, April 27, 2007 --
- Mastertape Theatre - September 17, 1997. 04/27/07. 6:00am
  Today's Mastertape Theatre was from September 17, 1997. This show was in my archives but I've updated and enhanced it with more details since they were kind of vague at the time. My original write-up from 1997 is below this one.
- Howard Speaks To Trevor Reese Jones? 09/17/1997. 6:00am
  Show opening bits and songs included: ''OJ Simpson's Bloopers, Blunders and Boners'' bit from MAD TV, Noel Gallagher performing ''Wonderwall'' live in Howard's studio, Pat Benetar intro for Howard.
  Howard started off the show talking about the guests they had coming in. They had LL Cool J coming in and Daniel Carver doing some movie reviews. He quickly mentioned that and then went to a break which was edited out of this Mastertape Theatre.
  Howard said that they should have this guy Trevor Reese Jones who was Dodi Al-Fayed's bodyguard in the Princess Diana crash. He said they might be able to get the phone to him but they have to act quick and talk to him as soon as they get him the phone. He said they had to sneak a phone into him.
  Howard had the guy on the phone a short time later and spoke to this Trevor Reese Jones (being played by Crackhead Bob). Howard asked him what happened that night with Lady Di. ''Trevor'' told Howard that he as driving that night and then made a noise which was the car crashing. Howard asked him if the driver was drunk. Bob said he was and he let him drive because he wanted him to drive drunk. He also said that he wanted Dodi to be his boyfriend and that he was jealous of Diana.
  Howard asked ''Trevor'' about the paparazzi following them around all the time. He said that they had jumped in front of the car and that they were going about 120 miles per hour when that crash happened. Howard asked about what was going on in the car at the time of the crash. Bob said that they were having sex and made some sex-like noises to describe it. He also said there was a song on the radio that he had created for them. He even sang some of the song for Howard. The lyrics were very simple... ''I love you and you love me.''
  Howard asked Robin if she had any other questions for him. She couldn't come up with anything so Howard just asked about what Lady Di's final answers were. He just moaned. He also said that Dodi's final words were ''Oh, ohh, ohhhh.'' He also didn't know that they had died so he started to cry. Howard let him go a short time later.
- Big Black Calls In. 09/17/1997. 6:15am
  Howard took a call from Big Black who brought up this Stacy Galina chick who was on some TV show he was watching. He had an audio clip from the show that he played for Howard. She was interviewed and asked about being in Howard's book. She explained how she had been listening to his show one morning when he brought her character up. She was talking about stuff and the audience was laughing at stuff that wasn't even funny so Howard spent a short time talking about that. He didn't understand why they were clapping and making noise the way they were. Howard wasn't sure he wanted to hear anymore of the clip but Big Black went right ahead and played some more of it.
  Howard hung up on Big Black and said that he can listen to just about anything when they're talking about him that but that show was awful. He said maybe it's funnier when you see the video but he couldn't take it.
- Joey Buttafuoco Calls In. 09/17/1997. 6:20am
  Howard said he had Joey Buttafuoco on the phone so he went right to him. He said Joey has done a movie so he asked him how many he's done so far. Joey said he's done about half a dozen now. Howard wondered where people see them because he hasn't seen any of them. He wondered if they were snuff films. Joey said they're not but if he was doing snuff films, he'd have a few people he'd want on the list. Howard asked him if Amy Fisher was one and then asked him if his wife was also on that list. Joey said Amy was but couldn't believe he said that wife comment.
  Howard asked about one of the movies he did and Joey said that shot that one with this guy William Hickey but the guy ended up dying. Howard talked about that guy and how he wanted him to play Imus in his movie ''Private Parts.''
  Joey said that he has done a lot of movies for HBO and has worked with some people like Dom Deluise and Lou Ferrigno. Howard asked him what that movie was about where he worked with Lou Ferrigno. Joey talked about Lou and Dom a little bit but didn't mention the movie. Howard said that movie will probably never be seen. Howard made fun of Lou's speech and goofed on him for a little while. Joey told Howard about the movie and what parts the guys play in it. After hearing about the movie Howard said it must be something else to watch. He muted his voice and let Joey Ramble on a little bit. Then he asked Joey what part he plays. Joey said he plays himself.
  Howard thought that the movie was about gangsters and thought it was an old-time gangster movie but Joey said it's a modern day gangster movie. Howard said he had to get rid of this guy and asked Joey why he called. Joey said he just wanted to let them know what he was up to. Howard figured the producers of the movie put him up to it. Howard wrapped up with Joey a short time later and let him go.
  Howard said that everyone is a movie star these days. He took another call from a guy who asked him why he's making fun of Lou Ferrigno. He said if Lou was there he'd break Howard in half. Howard did his impression of Lou again and goofed around with that for a short time. The caller told Howard he was a dick for doing that and hung up on him. Howard stayed in character for a few seconds and said they really have to see that movie.
  Howard took a call from a woman who said she just got to see his movie and really loved it. She said she wasn't able to get to the movies to see it in the theaters. She said that she thought that Bryant Gumbel made a bit of a prejudiced comment during a show he was on and she didn't like what he said. Howard ended up hanging up on her because she was being ridiculous. She had mentioned she was on the phone to Hard Copy trying to get them to cover it so Howard goofed on her about that. He said he had to go to break a short time later.
  Howard talked about how nutty Joey Buttafuoco was when he called in. He did an impression of him and goofed on him a little bit. He said when they come back they'll have LL Cool J and a bunch of other stuff. He went to commercial right after that.
- LL Cool J Visits. 09/17/1997. 6:35am
  After the break Howard talked about some of the stuff they had coming up on the show. He said they have a tape of Robin from her apartment having sex. They also have a Louisville press conference coming up. He then had the guys bring in LL Cool J. Howard played the song he sang on for the Private Parts soundtrack. That led to Howard talking about how they couldn't put his name on the album because of some problem they had with LL's record label. LL said he actually named his new book after that song and called it ''I Make My Own Rules.''
  Howard said that in LL's book he talks about being a porn addict. Robin and Howard said that's an odd thing to be addicted to. They goofed on him about that. Howard asked him if he's into snuff films and stuff like that. LL didn't know such a thing existed so Howard told him about what they are. He explained to him how these snuff films are for real and they had a guy call them yesterday talking about one that he had made. Howard said they didn't believe it existed and wanted to see what he was talking about. They were going to have him come to the studio today but then Tom Chiusano said he had spoken to a lawyer and he was warning them not to view the film. If they had watched it and saw a real murder, they could get into trouble over it. Howard said he didn't see how he'd be in trouble if he had nothing to do with the murder. He said Tom is an idiot but now he's afraid to have that guy up there.
  Howard said that LL just won an MTV Video Vanguard award so he talked about that. He also brought up how LL has this thing where he wears his one pant leg up like a bike messenger does. He went on to talk about this book that LL has out now. He said LL's porn collection was up to about 20 pornos when he was addicted. He said that's nothing, he's got about 80 himself. LL didn't want to say exactly what he had in his collection though. Howard talked about how Jackie likes to see dudes in pornos but he'd rather see two women going at it so he can pretend that he's in there with them. Robin told LL that Howard also likes to watch some S&M stuff as well.
  Howard said his favorite stuff is this Master Bill guy who runs this torture farm. He explained some of the stuff he's seen in those movies but LL seemed to know exactly what he was talking about. He didn't know the movie but he had an idea of what it might be like. Howard continued to talk about how bad looking this Master Bill guy is and how he ties women up and whips them. He said he takes one woman and puts her breasts in a vice. Fred was playing some whipping sound effects while Howard was talking about it. LL was laughing at that and asking what was going on there. Howard told him that's for the audience so listening to the radio is like watching TV.
  Howard asked LL if he would watch the whole film when he was addicted to the porn. LL said he only needed a little bit, he didn't need to see the whole thing. That got Howard back into the addiction thing with LL. LL said that he used to steal porn when he was a kid. He would also watch the porn about 5 or 6 times a day because he was so addicted to it. He said he wasn't really addicted to sex, it was just watching the porn that he was addicted to. LL asked Howard if he's got a hiding place for his porn and if he has satellite just for the porn channels. Howard said he does have satellite but it's not like he's watching it just for the porn.
  Howard talked about how Robin likes to goof on him about the porn clips they watch but then she'll want to see the clips. He told LL about this Japanese porn movie he's seen where they ask women to do really weird stuff like taking an enema and then relieving themselves on a surf board.
  Howard told LL about how Robin actually rented an instructional video to learn how to do oral for one of her men. LL had some fun making some gurgling sounds and some humming noises for her. Howard asked LL if he would always wear a condom when he was with women. He said he would but they'd pop sometimes. LL said that he got to experience a lot of women before he got married and claims he got it all out of his system. Howard asked him how many women he had before he got married. LL wasn't sure and he didn't know if he should say 200 or 2000. He said he actually had a guy at the concerts he would do and he'd ask that guy to go out and pick the girls out of the audience for him if he liked them. He said he didn't disrespect the girls really. Howard said he did though because he would bang them just once and not call them again. LL said they did the same thing to him though.
  Howard read that LL's father shot his mother and grandfather after his mother left him. He said she was tired of getting beaten by his father so she left and he went after her. LL said that he had to prepare to talk about that stuff and was joking around so he wasn't quite ready for that stuff. Howard said they were going to joke around about that as well though. Howard read that LL was 4 years old at the time of this shooting. LL wanted Fred to play some serious music while he told that story. Fred played some for him so LL talked about how he had walked into the room and found his mother in a pool of blood and his grandfather's stomach hanging out.
  LL said his father shot his mother in the back because she had tried to close the door on him and fell down. He said his father didn't go to jail for it either. He said the guy is still around to this day but he doesn't talk to him at all. LL said his mother didn't want to go after him because she was so forgiving. He also said that his father actually ended up managing him later on in his life. He said that didn't work out that well because his father mishandled his finances and he ended up losing the money he had made.
  Howard said he had some phone calls to take. LL was afraid he was going to hear from Crackhead Bob or someone like that. Howard took a call from a guy who asked LL if he wanted to do a freestyle rap over a Police song like some other rapper had done. Howard didn't get why he would ask LL to do something that's already been done. He moved on and played some clips of some homeless people asking some questions. LL started laughing when he heard the questions. One was about Mike Tyson being railroaded and the next was about OJ Simpson and if he had been set up. That led to LL and Howard talking about OJ for a short time. Howard played another clip where the homeless guy asked him if he'd ever do a rap song with OJ. LL was still laughing and just gave goofy answers to all of the questions.
  Howard gave LL another plug for his book and said it looks like he's got a nice physique in there. He was asking LL to take his shirt off but LL was laughing and saying he would if he had to. Howard said LL had to get out of there because he had some other shows to do this morning. He was doing Good Morning America and then Regis and Kathie Lee. Howard told him that Kathie Lee won't like the porn addiction thing and explained to LL that Kathie Lee's husband Frank Gifford claimed that he was addicted to porn. He told LL to bring that up on the show this morning. He wrapped up with him a short time later and played some more of the song from the Private Parts soundtrack as they went to break.
- The Hidden Robin Tape. 09/17/1997. 7:15am
  After the break Howard said he had the tape from the hidden microphone in Robin's apartment. Robin said there was no such thing. Howard played the clip where this guy is asking Robin to come in and relax with him. Then he asks her to take her pants off and then shower with him. The guy had clips of Robin talking in her audio book that he used to create the conversation. Howard said he thought he knew who the guy was and joked that it was Ronald Reagan. The guy has Robin moaning in the clip and Robin said that was very wrong.
  Howard took some guesses at who the guy was but every guess was a joke. Robin said it was actually Larry King in the clip. Howard then went into another audio clip where this guy is telling a woman how to make her breasts grow while she sleeps. The guy tells the women to think that they're bigger and they will get bigger. Howard said they have a guy doing it because women will pay attention to him over a woman.
- Marky And Joey Ramone Call In. 09/17/1997. 7:20am
  Howard said he had Marky Ramone from The Ramones on the phone and he wanted to talk about something that Joey had said about him on the show recently. Marky said that he heard that Joey had called him a drunk the last time he was on so he wanted to talk about that. Howard told him he also had Joey on the phone so he picked him up and told him he had Marky on the line. Joey told Marky he really doesn't care about this stuff and it was Marky who started it all. Marky said that Joey was mad about the last time they were on the show and he brought up his OCD thing so that's why he's doing this to him.
  Joey said that he wasn't upset about any of this stuff and this is ridiculous. Marky said that he's glad that the band broke up when it did because it was time. Joey said he heard that Marky was bad mouthing him in his shows these days but Marky denied doing that. He said Joey is just jealous of him because he has his own band.
  Howard asked Marky what was said on the internet that Joey was talking about. Joey said that Marky had written some stuff about him on the internet and he likes sending that stuff out to everyone. Howard said he'd like to do a People's Court thing with them and have Judge Judy in there to handle the case.
  Marky told Robin that she looks great now that she's on that diet she's on. He said he was on the same diet and it worked for him as well. Joey told Howard that this is all ridiculous and he can't believe they woke him up to do this. Howard asked him if he wanted to apologize to Marky over this stuff. Joey did say that Marky isn't a drunk. He said he had some drinking problems himself. Marky said that he helped Joey get sober but Joey denied that and said it wasn't true. The two of them went back and forth arguing and not getting anything out of it.
  Joey asked if he could go back to bed. He said that Marky isn't a drunk and that was it. Then Joey said that Marky wears a wig so they started to fight again. Howard asked Marky if that was true. He said it wasn't true but Joey insisted that it was true. The two of them continued to argue about that for a short time. They said that they used to be good friends but Joey said that Marky turned out to be two faced and that's why they're not so friendly now.
  Howard said he was shocked about the wig comment and wondered if it was true that people were making fun of Marky at the Lalapalooza concert like Joey was saying. Marky said that wasn't true and went back and forth with Joey on that. Marky said that Joey can't get any girls because they're repulsed by him. Joey said he had 3 girls in bed with him right then.
  After arguing for a few minutes both Joey and Marky said that they should apologize to each other. Marky wanted to do it at the same time after counting it down. He did the countdown and both of them remained silent. They wouldn't apologize to each other. They tried again and Joey apologized to Marky about whatever it was they were arguing about. Joey said that Marky has put a lot of stuff on the internet about him but Howard told them that they had just apologized so maybe they should get over it. Joey was going to talk about it but Marky wanted him to forget about it. Howard told him not to forget about it and to talk about it with him. They weren't giving details though so Howard wrapped up with them a short time later. Howard gave Marky some plugs for his band and let him talk about that a little bit before letting them go. He thanked them for calling in and both of them told Howard they like Howard. Joey did Marky one better and said that he loves Howard. Howard told them both to go back to bed and let them go.
  Howard said that was a great call with them fighting the way they were. He took a call from a woman who said that she felt it was necessary to call in and say that she would like to be killed in a snuff film. Howard asked her what's up with that. She said that she'd like the death to take a long time and hopes to be there during it. She said that she doesn't think that there's any other way to get that feeling. Howard asked her if she's polish and she said she actually is. He said he had a feeling she was after some of the things she said.
  Howard spent a short time talking to this woman about the snuff film thing and figured she was making a joke about the whole ting. He eventually bailed out of the call and said that it couldn't possibly be real. He went to break after that.
- Steve And Edie Gourmet Cover Black Hole Sun. 09/17/1997. 7:50am
  After the break Howard had Daniel Carver the KKK guy standing by. They even sent a camera guy down there to film this. He said he made the news yesterday when he said he had this contest to give away a picture of Lady Di from her accident. He read that article and they claim that it was just meant to shock people but he said that's not the case, someone just sent him the picture and he was going to give it away. He also read that he was up for a VH-1 fashion award but he won't be going to accept it, he will probably have someone like Crackhead Bob pick it up for him.
  Howard said he was riding an exercise bicycle the other day and when he does that, sometimes he can't feel his penis after the ride. It turns out they're doing a report about that on 60 Minutes this week. He also quickly mentioned that he had a clip of Steve and Edie Gourmet performing a cover of ''Black Hole Sun'' so he started to play that. He wanted to hear the original song first so he stopped that and played this ''Lurch'' song that was put out in the 60s when The Addams Family was a big hit. He played a little bit of that and then got back to the ''Black Hole Sun'' thing. Gary came in with the wrong song so Howard goofed on him and then went to the phones. Daniel Carver was there so Howard told him to hold on for a minute so he could prepare for his segment.
  Howard got a hold of Soundgarden's ''Black Hole Sun'' song and played that for the people who didn't know the song. He said he wanted to fast forward to the rockin part because that's what he likes about the song. Howard sang along with it a little bit and then went to the Steve and Edie Gourmet version. He said it was a big goof. He listened to a little bit of it waiting for it to start rockin out but it never happened. Howard tried to fast forward through it but the CD started to stutter. He gave up on that and said he had too many other things to get to.
  Howard took a call from a woman who had no idea that she was on the air. She said that she wanted to talk about the stuff he was saying about Princess Diana yesterday. She didn't think he had her on the air because she was listening to her radio and didn't hear herself. Howard goofed on her and kept saying ''douche bag says what?'' She didn't fall for it though. She wanted to talk to him off the air but Howard tried to tell her he doesn't do that. She insisted so Howard just put her on hold.
- Gabrielle Reese Not Happy With Yesterday's Interview. 9/17/97. 8:00am
  (This segment was edited out of the Mastertape Theatre replay, probably because of the Scott Einziger references... So the following was taken from my original write up from 1997.) You won't be seeing yesterday's Gabrielle Reese interview on E!. It turns out that Gaby's manager wasn't too thrilled with the way Howard treated her so they won't allow E! to run it. Scott Einziger, Executive Producer of the E! show, came in and explained what happened. Scott said that when Gaby first arrived at the station she was making fun of the Spice Girls for not signing the release form for E!. But then her manager did the exact same thing. They crossed out tons of stuff on the form. So much so that it wasn't much of a release form. After the show the manager contacted Scott and said that the ''interview went to a negative place'' and that she didn't want the interview to air on E!. She said there was a lack of respect for Gaby. Mike Gange said that when he did the post wrap up out in the green room Gaby said she had a great time. So maybe it's just the manager who's being the pain in the ass.. we may never know. Howard said that he'd like to talk to her on the phone to find out exactly what's going on. If that happens I'll let you know.
- Daniel Carver's Movie Reviews. 09/17/1997. 8:00am
  Howard moved on to Daniel Carver who is one of the top guys in the KKK. Howard asked him if he had the white cameraman there. Daniel said he did and if they had sent a black guy there, he wouldn't be inside his house. Howard asked Daniel what exactly he is in the KKK. Daniel explained to him what his title was and what it meant.
  Howard had Daniel talk about the movies he was going to be reviewing today. One of them was ''A Time To Kill'' so Daniel talked about that one a little bit. He said it was an anti-white movie. He gave that movie a zero burning crosses rating. He said the scene in the movie where there were some white guys raping a black girl and that never happens in real life.
  Daniel told Howard he gave his movie ''Private Parts'' a four burning crosses rating because he really enjoyed it. He also gave a zero burning crosses rating to the movie ''The Ghost of Mississippi'' as well. Howard asked him how he liked being a movie reviewer. Daniel said that he really likes talking to Howard and claims that Howard calls him off the air all the time and orders stuff from his catalog.
  Howard said that Daniel must have been upset about the two cops who took the toilet plunger to the black guy's ass. Daniel said that the one thing he hates more than black people are the ''po-lice.'' He said they do that stuff every day. Howard asked him if the cops are even lower than the Jews. Daniel said that no cops or Jews had better show up at his house. Howard let him go a short time later.
- Phone Calls And A Lesbian Story. 09/17/1997. 8:10am
  Howard got back to the Steve and Edie Gourmet ''Black Hole Sun'' song and played a little more of that. Then he got back to the woman he had put on hold a little earlier. She kept asking Howard to talk to her off the air but he refused to do that. He told her she was ignorant and he wasn't going to be talking to her off the air. He hung up on her saying he couldn't take that accent anymore.
  Howard took a call from a guy who said that he had the problem with the bike seat and now he has to go to the doctor every 6 months to have his prostate checked. Howard talked about some of the other things he does to work out and how they don't really help him at all. He always hurts himself when he does any kind of exercise.
  Howard wondered when he was going to be doing his press conference. Gary told Howard to go to break and he'd have the Louisville press conference ready to go. Howard told him he wasn't ready to go to break so he told him to just let him know when he was ready to go.
  Howard took a few phone calls and let some nutty callers ramble on and on. He had to hang up on a couple. One woman said that she had a black girlfriend and she just lost her. Howard asked her about what she looks like and found out that she's black herself. Howard asked her about what she looks like and spent a few minutes on that. Howard talked to her about what she wears when she sleeps with this other girl. The caller explained how she got to know this girl and how she got into the relationship with her.
  the caller went through the details about how she came on to the other girl and eventually kissed her. She said they used to just sleep together and eventually fell in love with the other girl. Howard had to go to break after that.
- Louisville Press Conference. 09/17/1997. 8:40am
  Howard came back from break and went to this guy Future Bob who was hosting the press conference for the Louisville, Kentucky station that was carrying the show now. Howard gave an opening speech and talked about how great his show is before going on with the questioning from the press at the station. He answered some questions that the press were asking. He had questions about how he'll perform for the station and if he thinks they'll be able to afford him. Howard said he thinks that the people at this station are much nicer than the press at the Toronto station.
  Howard went through some other interviewers and let them ask him their dopey questions. Howard asked the guys to kick one of the guys in the nuts for his dopey comments. He talked about why he goes on all of these stations around the country. One guy asked him if he likes going on the web to get his porn. Howard said it takes too long to download stuff when he could just be watching it on video.
  Howard bailed out of that press conference a short time later. He said that he actually likes it better when the reporters are angry.
- Robin's News And More. 09/17/1997. 8:55am
  After an edited out commercial break Howard got into some news stories. He talked about OJ Simpson and how he's upset about the way the press is treating him. He asked Robin what else she had in the news so she read through a bunch of news stories. Howard ended the show around 9:25am (Mastertape Theatre time).
-- Wednesday September 17, 1997 --
Joey Buttafuoco Calls In. 9/17/97. 6:20am
Joey called in this morning to talk about some of the stuff he's been working on lately. Joey, as you may recall, is the guy who's wife was shot in the head by Amy Fisher and lived. Joey moved to California to get into show business. He said that he's done about 6 movies while he's been out there. He's currently working on a movie that stars Zsa Zsa Gabor, Dom Deluise and Lou Ferrigno. Howard was goofing on Joey while he had the phone muted so Joey couldn't hear him. It was pretty rude but funny as hell.
LL Cool J Comes In. 9/17/97. 6:50am
Rapper LL Cool J came in to plug his new book ''I Make My Own Rules'' which is the same title as the song he and the Red Hot Chilli Peppers did for the ''Private Parts'' soundtrack album. In the book LL talks about his addiction to sex and porno movies. Howard spent a lot of time on that subject. He also covered the story about how when LL was 4 years old his father shot his mother and grandfather while he was in another room asleep. His father didn't go to jail and actually ended up managing LL for a while until he blew all of the money. LL also has an album coming out on October 14 called ''Phenomenon''.
Markie And Joey Ramone Fight On The Phone. 9/17/97. 7:40am
Last Friday when Joey Ramone was on the show he made a comment about his band mate Markie being a drunk. Markie called in to defend himself. Markie says that he doesn't drink now so Joey had no right to call him a drunk. Howard got Joey on the phone so the two of them could work it out. They fought over the whole thing for a while and brought up things about each other that just pissed them off even more. Joey said that Markie wears a wig and Markie brought up Joey's Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Joey didn't want to talk about that so Markie left it alone. Joey didn't stop talking about Markie's hair though. He said that people made fun of him while they were on the Lolla Palooza tour. Eventually they agreed to apologize to each other. They did end up doing that but later in the morning Joey called Gary and said he can't believe that he caved in.
Gabrielle Reese Not Happy With Yesterday's Interview. 9/17/97. 8:00am
You won't be seeing yesterday's Gabrielle Reese interview on E!. It turns out that Gaby's manager wasn't too thrilled with the way Howard treated her so they won't allow E! to run it. Scott Einziger, Executive Producer of the E! show, came in and explained what happened. Scott said that when Gaby first arrived at the station she was making fun of the Spice Girls for not signing the release form for E!. But then her manager did the exact same thing. They crossed out tons of stuff on the form. So much so that it wasn't much of a release form. After the show the manager contacted Scott and said that the ''interview went to a negative place'' and that she didn't want the interview to air on E!. She said there was a lack of respect for Gaby. Mike Gange said that when he did the post wrap up out in the green room Gaby said she had a great time. So maybe it's just the manager who's being the pain in the ass.. we may never know. Howard said that he'd like to talk to her on the phone to find out exactly what's going on. If that happens I'll let you know.
KKK Guy Daniel Karver Movie Reviews. 9/17/97.8:35am
Daniel Karver has a new job on the show. He's now reviewing movies. His rating scale is from 1 to 5 burning crosses, 5 being the best. The first movie he rated was ''A Time To Kill''. Daniel gave this movie 0 crosses. He said it was a good movie but they had the races reversed... The second movie he rated was Howard's movie ''Private Parts''. Daniel gave this 4 burning crosses. He enjoyed the movie quite a bit. The third movie was ''Ghost Of Mississippi''. This was another 0 rating. He didn't enjoy this movie because it has black people in it. He is one racist ass wipe! Howard spent a couple of minutes talking with Daniel after the reviews.
Louisville Press Conference. 9/17/97. 9:10am
Another city, another stupid press conference. This press conference wasn't nearly as bad as the one from Toronto. The people were a little friendlier here. It was still just as dumb as all of the others though because no one asked anything interesting.
-- Tuesday September 16, 1997 --
Howard Number 1 In Toronto! 9/16/97. 6:20am
Thanks to a ratings device called Mobile Track Howard has been informed that he's number one in Toronto already. As a matter of fact he was number one the day he started in the city! Mobile Track is some sort of device which picks up on exactly what station people are listening to in their cars. This form of ratings is great because the results come back so quickly. As of last Thursday, Howard has a 25 percent share of the market making him number one in the mornings.
Coolio Comes In. 9/16/97. 7:50am
Rap star Coolio came in to plug his album and to hang out with Howard for a little bit this morning. As soon as Coolio came in Howard had someone else on the phone to interview. Howard heard about a really cool story about this fireman. Years ago this fireman, Lorenzo, rescued 2 other firemen from underneath a 1500 pound wall by lifting it up with one arm and pulling them out with the other. The two guys he saved were grateful so they gave him a rottweiler dog as a gift. Last year, about 5 years after the fire, Lorenzo had a heart attack while he was home alone in the kitchen. He passed out on the floor. The dog that the 2 guys had given him fetched the cordless phone and brought it over to Lorenzo while his other dog licked his face until he woke up. He called for help and lived. Lorenzo said that the dog may have saved his life another way also. He was out hiking with the dogs earlier in the day but one of them was acting strangely. The dog kept turning back towards home instead of keeping up with Lorenzo. He thought the dog might be sick so he went back home. The story was recently re-enacted on Rescue 911. After Howard heard this guys story he went back to talking with Coolio. He played some tape of people asking him some questions. Here are the couple of questions that Howard played:
- Do you think that Malt Liquor is a conspiracy against the black man? - Coolio said maybe it was a conspiracy against the poor man...
- Why don't you live in the ghetto? - Coolio basically because he works and makes some good money that he doesn't have to live in the ghetto... duh
Howard went off on a tangent about some porno movie that he recently watched. He ended up calling a 900 number phone sex line and talked to a woman on there for a couple of minutes at $3.99 a minute. Howard spent a little more time with Coolio after that. He played a couple of pieces of his album ''My Soul'' before ending the interview.
Gabrielle Reese Comes In. 9/16/97. 8:55am
Vollyball player/Model Gabrielle Reese came in to plug her book. Howard brought up some stuff from the book like the fact that she doesn't believe in breast implants.. Too bad because she only has an A-Cup on a 6'3'' frame. Howard told her that she's a 9 without implants but she'd be a 10 with them. Howard also heard that she was rumored to have made $35,000 a day while she was modeling. She didn't agree with that figure though. Check out the book if you want to find out more about her.
-- Monday September 15, 1997 --
Robin's Night Out With Some Strippers. 9/15/97. 6:10am
Robin had a hell of a weekend. She told a story about going to a male strip club with some stripper friends of hers. It was a party of some sort and Robin said it changed her life. Robin somehow got invited out with some female strippers to this male strip club. At one point during the party they were measuring some guys penis. He had 14 inches to show off. The club was called Wild Wild West and I'm guessing that it's in New York City. I don't know exactly how this changed Robin's life. Maybe we'll hear more about it in the future.
Stuttering John Interviews Tommy Hilfiger. 9/15/97. 6:50am
Stuttering John went to some function that Tommy Hilfiger was having. John made the mistake of interviewing Tommy first. He asked him some questions that he didn't really like and ended up throwing John right out. He asked him questions like:
- Why are there so many homos in the fashion industry?
- What would you do if you found out that slave labor was being used to make your clothes?
- Why did Ralph Lauren change his name from Lipshitz?
Tommy wasn't too happy with those questions and thought that they were ridiculous so he told John that he was going to be thrown out. Needless to say that was the end of that interview.
Captain Janks Argues With Ex-Lover Marty. 9/15/97. 7:40am
Howard had a woman on the phone this morning who was complaining about Captain Janks. She let Janks stay at her house for a couple of months while he was out in Cleveland. Howard put the two of them on the phone together so he could find out what happened. This woman, Marty, met Janks at the movie premiere out in Cleveland and hooked up with Janks. They were together for a short period of time and even slept together. Janks was very defensive from the beginning of the call. He never let up either. He kept calling her fat and making fun of her Cleveland accent non stop. He said that when he had sex with her he wouldn't do it in the light. He'd only do it in the dark. Then Janks said that after he left she had a foursome with some guys which included Kenneth Keith Kallenbach. Howard tried getting Kenneth on the phone but his voice never came through because the delay button kept getting hit for some reason. Janks also said that he's going to send video of her having sex to Howard and Marty's dying father. Marty claims that Janks owes her money for phone bills that he rang up during his stay. He said that he sent money to her but she claims it wasn't enough. Howard just can't understand why Janks can't keep a woman. He can't keep a job either. I've learned one thing from all of this, don't get on Janks' bad side..
More Celebrity Interviews. 9/15/97. 8:40am
Howard had more Stuttering John interviews to play along with some interviews that Malibu Dan from KLSX in Los Angeles did. John had an interview with some woman who used to be on ''E.R.'' by the name of Sherry Stringfield. He asked her about 2 questions before scaring her off. The one that really freaked her out was ''Do you allow yourself to be photographed during your period?''. Howard also had tape from this guy Malibu Dan from Los Angeles. Dan interviewed Les Moonvies from ABC. He didn't get many questions off on this guy. He asked why Howard Stern wasn't invited to the Emmy's and if he's ever done a black woman. When asked about the black woman the guy showed Dan that his wife was standing right next to him. Dan also interviewed a humorless Adam Arkin. Arkin didn't play along with the goofy questions so that was pretty dull.
Geraldo Rivera Comes In. 9/15/97. 8:55am
Geraldo came in to plug the fact that he's starting the 11th season of his syndicated show this week. Of course most of the shows this week focus on the Lady Diana story. 3 days worth of the shows are all about the death of Di and the effects on her children etc. etc. The interview was pretty dull.
-- Friday September 12, 1997 --
New Song Parody: ''Candle In Rosie's Head'' 9/12/97. 6:20am
Howard was inspired to write a new song parody about Rosie O'Donnell's pumpkin head yesterday. Robin read some news story and it pissed Howard off so he came up with this ''Candle In Rosie's Head'' song to the tune of Elton John's ''Candle In The Wind''. The song talks about how you could put a candle in her huge pumpkin head and it would light up the world because it's so big.
The Al Sharpton - Ruth Messinger Debate? 9/12/97. 7:20am
Earlier this morning Howard kept mentioning that the New York Democratic nominees for Mayor, Al Sharpton and Ruth Messinger, were going to be coming in for a debate. Well that's not exactly what happened. It was actually that nutty woman Croy and some homeless sounding American Indian guy pretending to be those people. Howard did run it like a debate but the answers that those two gave were so ridiculous that it was funny.
The Mike Walker Game With Guest Contestant Joey Ramone. 9/12/97. 8:10am
Joey Ramone from The Ramones came in to plug an album that he sang on. While he was there Howard played the Mike Walker game. Here are this week's 4 stories, try to guess which one is false:
1. A young woman gave her phone number to Jerry Seinfeld. When Jerry called her home she said that she'd like to set him up on a date with her mother.
2. Heather Locklear and husband Ritchie Sambora are sleeping in separate beds because Heather is talking in her sleep during her pregnancy.
3. Mike Tyson and Evander Holyfield are doing a Pizza Hut commercial for bite size pizzas. Evander didn't want to do it until he heard that the commercial would be shot in split screen so they didn't have to work together.
4. Mickey Rourke was brought to tears when his pet bird died. He kept it frozen in the freezer until someone talked him into burying the thing.
Joey Ramone first chose number 4 as the false story, then he changed it to number 3. Robin picked number 4, Howard picked number 1, Jackie chose 1 and Fred wasn't playing this week. Joey then changed his guess to number 1. The actual fake story was number 3, the Mike Tyson/Evander Holyfield story. Joey then changed his guess back to number 3... Joey hung around for a while so Howard could talk to him about his new song. The song is on some Iggy Pop tribute album. Howard played some of the song and took some phone calls before Joey had to leave.
Lucy Lawless (Xena) Comes In. 9/12/97. 8:55am
Lucy Lawless, who plays lead role in the syndicated show ''Xena'', came in to talk with Howard for a while. Lucy is starring in the Broadway production of ''Grease'' in New York playing the character Rizzo. Howard had tons of questions to ask her. ''Xena'' is the highest rated syndicated show right now so there are a lot of questions that people want the answers for. Here are some of the questions Howard asked:
- At what age did you first start having sex? - 17
- Do you like to get drunk before having sex? - Not really
- Is sex fun while high on pot? - No
- Did you ever do porno movies? - No
- Do you tape your breasts inside your Xena outfit? - No
- What age did you have your first period? - 15
- Are you open to anal sex? - ''I'm very open minded...'' she said ''..I'm looking forward to it...''
- Ever date a black guy? - No
- Ever molested by family - No but she was possibly grabbed while swimming at age 10
- Do you have sex during your period? - ''Absolutely''
- Did you ever wet your bed? - No
- Do you give yourself breast exams? - maybe...
- Is penis size important? - Yes
- Do you ever think of Howard Stern sexually? - She hardly knows him but finds him attractive
- Are you attracted to Jerry Seinfeld? - No
- Would you ever do a nude scene in a movie? - No
- What do you sleep in? - T-shirt
She also said that she wouldn't be doing any Xena movies for some odd reason. The new season of Xena starts on September 29.
The Lucy Lawless Aftermath... 9/12/97. 9:50am
After Lucy left and Howard did some commercials they came back to talk about the interview. Howard said something about it being one of the most horrible interviews he's ever done. He said that Lucy was kind of hard to read as far as her attitude. Robin said she had a ''Freezer-like attitude''. Gange, the E! camera boy, came in and said that Lucy told him that she loved the interview and that she was just tired after a late night of doing her ''Grease'' show. That seemed to calm Howard down a little bit. They also talked about something Gary said just before the interview. Gary had come into the studio to tell Howard about how cute Lucy actually was in person. He said that she wasn't as big as he thought she'd be and that she had great legs. When she came into the studio she was wearing ''big boxy pants'' according to Howard. Gary couldn't see her legs but he said they were great. She was also wearing some kind of ugly t-shirt that Howard didn't like. Gary had Howard's hopes up when he said that she was dressed sexy. Then when Howard and the gang started goofing on him for what he said about her legs Gary couldn't understand it. That led to Gary and Jackie yelling at each other about how fat they were. Both of them agreed to have a ''Breast Off'' to see who had bigger fat breasts. According to Howard it looked like Jackie's breasts were a little larger than Gary's but Gary's ass was HUGE compared to Jackie's. There was also a discussion about the rumors that Lucy had done porno when she was younger. One guy called in and said that she was in a movie called ''All The Way In Part 3''. He says that the woman looked exactly like Lucy and she went by the name ''Lacy Lust''. Lucy denied this during the interview so who knows if it's true or not. Rent the movie and find out for yourself.
-- Thursday September 11, 1997 --
Jerry Shimmel, Plane Crash Survivor On The Phone. 9/11/97. 7:20am
This guy was on the phone to plug his book ''Chosen To Live''. He survived a plane crash back in 1989 and he's written a book about it. The story he told was pretty damn scary. He's an announcer for the Denver Nuggets he was flying from Denver to Chicago for his job. About halfway through the flight there was a big explosion. Everyone in the plane went silent. A few minutes later the captain came on and told everyone that the number 2 engine had exploded and damaged part of the plane. The plane was on a slow decent at that time. After a little while the plane leveled out but it was still shaking quite a bit. The plane was still flying so the captain told everyone that it wasn't going to be an easy landing. People still remained silent. They made it to the airport but as the plane came in for a landing it did self destructed. The right wing hit, the nose hit and the plane flipped. It broke into 4 big pieces and burst into flames. Jerry managed to survive and walked out of the plane. As he and a few others got out of the plane Jerry heard a baby crying. He walked back into the burning wreckage and found his way to the baby and saved her. The baby was in an overhead compartment. She somehow got thrown in there during the crash. 84 people survived and 112 died. Jerry was one of the lucky ones. Jerry suffered from smoke inhalation and whiplash. He still flies. He said that he hasn't seen that baby since the accident because the family thinks it might be too emotional. If you'd like to purchase the book here's the phone number: 888-CHOSEN-2.
Howard Settles On One Lady Di Song. 9/11/97. 8:05am
It sounds like Howard has settled on one of his many Princess Diana tribute songs. He played his tribute ''She Left Us Yeah, Yeah, Yeah'' one more time today. It's sung to the tune of The Beatles ''She Loves You''.
Intelligence Test Game With Elvis Fans. 9/11/97. 8:20am
Howard had tape of the Elvis fan interviews that Crackhead Bob and Mike Gange did recently. This tape had intelligence questions just like the homeless game that they play. Howard had a guy on the phone so they decided to play with him. Howard played some tape of the guy to show how dumb he actually was. Then they played the game. The player on the phone has to guess the Elvis fan's answer and get 3 out of 5 correct to win round trip tickets to Tel Aviv. Here are the questions:
1. How many planets in out solar system? - ''I don't know'' from Elvis fan
2. How many states in the United States? - 50 or 52. ''52 if you count Alaska and Hawaii'' he said.
3. How many inches in a foot? - ''Twelve''
4. How many pennies in a dollar? - ''one hundred''
5. Who said ''I have a dream''? - ''Elvis'' changed to ''Martin Luther King''
6. In what country would you find Heathrow Airport? - ''no idea''
The contestant on the phone got 3 out of those 6 questions so he won the tickets.
Andrew ''Dice'' Clay Comes In. 9/11/97. 8:50am
The Diceman returns. Dice hasn't been on the show for a while. The last time he was on he got in a big fight with Jackie The JokeMan. Today they were a little friendlier to each other. It seemed like there was still some tension there but they didn't get into a yelling match like the last time. They did exchange a couple of digs at each other but they were tame. Dice has a new show on the UPN network called ''Hitz''. He plays a record company exec but he pretty much plays himself. He's not watered down like he was on his failed CBS show. Dice brought his usual collection of nutty friends with him also. ''Club Soda'' Kenny was there as well as some guy he calls ''Happy Face''. His gay assistant Dave ''Detail'' Shuler was also there along with some management people. Kenny was acting just as dumb as usual and the guy they call ''Happy Face'' was quiet until someone pissed him off. Then he'd go insane and start yelling at the top of his lungs like he was going to kill someone. It was pretty entertaining. Melrose Larry Green called in to talk about the fact that he used to do Dice's taxes about 20 years ago. Dice admitted to it but said that when his father went over the taxes they found out that Dice owed the IRS about $68,000! The way that Dice was talking it sounded like Melrose used to do a bunch of comedian's taxes. Dice said Melrose may have screwed up some of those other comedian's taxes. After all of that conversation Stuttering John told a story about how Dice left him with a $500 food bill at The Rainbow Room. Dice invited John and a couple of friends to dinner. He got a phone call and ran out of the restaurant without paying for dinner. John didn't seem too upset about it though. One surprising thing that was revealed was the fact that Kenny is a detective in New Jersey. A listener called in and complained about being pulled over by Kenny for no reason. So Dice had a good time and made sure to tell Howard that. If you're in Las Vegas on September 26 or 27 you can catch Dice at Bally's Casino. His show ''Hits'' airs Tuesday nights on UPN, check your local listings for channel and time.
-- Wednesday September 10, 1997 --
Stuttering John Interviews From Celebrity Tennis Tournament. 9/10/97. 7:00am
Stuttering John was invited to play in a celebrity tennis tournament so he took advantage of the situation to interview a couple of celebs. He got Joan Van Ark, Kristy McNichol and Richard Anderson (Oscar Goldman from The Six Million Dollar Man TV series). He asked Joan some questions about things like whether or not the paparazzi should be punished. Kristy McNichol got a bunch of lesbian type questions. Richard Anderson got questions like ''Who are you?'' and ''Why don't I remember you?''. Sorry I don't have all of the questions here but I was on my way to work during the segment.
'Sam Kinison' Calls From Hell. 9/10/97. 8:00am
Every once in a while a phone line gets knocked over onto Sam Kinison's grave down in Texas, this allows him to call into the show.. well, that's the premise behind the bit. This guy who does a great Kinison impression called in to talk to Howard for a short period of time. He yelled and screamed something about having Vic Morrow's head down there. Howard didn't keep him on for long though. He made some jokes and at the end of it all he got cut off.
Nancy Glass Comes In. 9/10/97. 8:05am
Nancy Glass used to be one of the hosts for American Journal, a TV news show. Now she's going to be the interviewer for the Miss America Pageant. She gets to ask any questions she wants to so Howard thought he'd give her some of his to ask. He had a list of 13 questions for her to practice with but she was being a real pain in the ass about asking them. She said that she's not going to use any of them for the pageant. Howard even brought in a new female intern by the name of Marty for Nancy to practice on. She refused to ask most of the questions which were like:
- What went through your mind the first time you were felt up?
- Do you mind kissing a man after he performs cunnilingus?
- Have you ever made a bowel movement at a family party and worried that others would know it was you?
- What would you do if you were with a man, pulled down your panties and found skid marks before sex?
- If your boyfriend asked for anal sex how would you signal that you didn't want it?
- If you had the power to bring back Princess Diana would you trade her for Prince Charles?
- Do you ever smell your fingers after going to the bathroom?
- Have you ever gotten drunk and gotten gang banged?
- Name one thing you've cheated on and really regret.
You get the idea. She wouldn't touch most of those questions. Howard asked them himself. He had a woman on the street answering the questions. I don't think the whole thing went like Howard expected it to. Nancy has a deal in the works for her own show so she didn't want to embarrass herself by asking these questions. Howard should have thrown her right out of the studio.
Toronto Press Conference. 9/10/97. 9:00am
After this press conference was over Robin called it the worst one ever. It was pretty much like every other one except most of the press were more angry and bizarre than ever before. Howard has caused all kinds of controversy up there in Canada but the first question asked was about what clothes he was wearing. Then there was some nut from a religious station asking more wacky questions about ''holocaust denial''. For what reason I still don't know.
Howard's Lady Diana Song Parodies. 9/10/97. 9:50am
Howard has been singing bits and pieces of his own tribute to Princess Diana for the past few days. Today he was trying out a bunch of different songs to see which one sounded the best. He's got words to go along with a couple of Beatles songs and a couple of Elton John songs. Some listeners were offended by the fact that Howard was doing this so they called in and complained. It seems to be mostly women who are doing the complaining. Howard says that he's not doing anything different than Elton John is doing. He can't sing like Elton John but that never stopped him before. One woman told Howard that he's going to lose a lot of listeners because of the songs. Howard doesn't care. He said that would make him happy because he could get out of radio if he lost all of his listeners.
-- Tuesday September 9, 1997 --
Alison Goes Back To Work. 9/9/97. 6:30am
Howard made a quick mention that his wife Alison has gone back to work part time. He didn't say exactly what it is that she's doing though. When he asked one of his daughters what she thought of mommy going back to work she said that she ''feels mother less''. I can't imagine why she'd go back to work. Why not just keep leaching off of Howard's fortunes?
Jack Gordon Comes In With Brandi Jackson. 9/9/97. 7:40am
Jack Gordon is the ex-husband of Latoya Jackson. Today he showed up at the studio with Brandi Jackson, Latoya's niece who is only 15 years old. Brandi's father is Jackie Jackson, Michael's brother. Brandi's mother Enid is her manager so she showed up with Jack. Howard thought that Jack might be the manager but it turns out that he's just like a public relations kind of guy. They didn't really have much to say other than the fact that Brandi is going to sign a modeling contract sometime soon. Should we care? I sure as hell don't. Since Jack and Latoya divorced a while back Howard thought that the Jackson family wouldn't want anything to do with him. According to Enid, the Jacksons still like Jack... go figure.
Crackhead Bob As Elvis' Cousin In Memphis. 9/9/97. 8:30am
Howard sent Crackhead Bob down to Memphis to dress up as an Elvis look alike and pretend that he's Elvis' cousin. I guess there was a big gathering down there for the anniversary of his death or something so there were tons of Elvis fans around. Howard played the tape of the whole thing this morning. Most of it was Bob and Mike Gange getting yelled at by Elvis fans and Elvis impersonators. According to Gange, Bob was more normal than most of the people down there. It kind of sounded that way too. Most of the people who were yelling at Bob sounded pretty stupid. Gary mentioned something about giving these people an intelligence test but Howard ran out of time to play it. Maybe tomorrow.
Woman Who Claims She Channels Angels Calls In. 9/9/97. 9:10am
This woman was on the phone this morning to plug a book that she wrote called ''God Has Your Best Interest At This Time...'' Howard said that she would be channeling angels but she never did do that. She claims to have the power to do it but she refuses to do it over the phone. She had a whole long story to tell about how she and her daughter were kidnapped back in 1988 and put in the trunk of a car. They were driven around and at one point during the trip she claims that her spirit body left her physical body and she saw other spirits or some crap like that. She managed to ramble on and on for way too long. Howard wasn't believing any of the spirit crap that she was talking about though. A couple of years after the kidnapping incident she started channeling people's guardian angels for them at $75 an hour! Howard thinks that she started doing this because she was just bored with her real estate job. She says that's not true. Howard took some calls from some listeners who say that she's a fake. She denied all of that also.
-- Monday September 8, 1997 --
Howard's Brother-In-Law Visits. 9/8/97. 6:15am
Howard's brother-in-law, Lou, came in to visit this morning. Lou is visiting his sister Alison so he comes in to work with Howard to sit and stare at him for most of the morning.
Woman Raped By Psychic Calls In. 9/8/97. 7:40am
Earlier in the morning Howard was talking about how a psychic is claiming that he predicted Princess Diana's death. That led to a phone call from a listener... A woman called in to tell Howard a story about how a psychic drugged her and raped her when she was 19. Her boyfriend had given her a psychic reading as a gift for some odd reason. The psychic came over to her boyfriends apartment to do the reading while the boyfriend went out somewhere. After the psychic did his thing he offered to take the woman out to get a drink. They went out and the next thing she knew she was being brought back to her boyfriends apartment in a cab. By that time the psychic had 3 of his friends with him. They left her in her boyfriends bed naked. The boyfriend walked past the psychic as he was coming home. They told him that she had a great time and kept going. The boyfriend told her that she was unconscious for about an hour and a half after he came home. She eventually called the cops and had the guy arrested. She went to court and the guy ended up getting 6 years in jail. She left her boyfriend and said that she didn't want anything to do with anyone from the court case.
18 Year Old From Ottawa Calls In. 9/8/97. 8:00am
Some kid from Ottawa Canada called Howard to tell him some news from up there. The guy sounded a little effeminate and he kept licking his teeth because he had braces. Howard got bored with the call really quick so he started goofing on the guy. He said that he sounded like an announcer from a gay movie house. That led to Howard playing tape of an announcer from the Bijou theater in New York.
Fiona Apple Performs For Lesbians. 9/8/97. 8:40am
Singer Fiona Apple came in to perform live for Howard and a bunch of lesbians. Before she got to sing though Howard had to talk to her about her appearance on the MTV Video Music Awards show from last Thursday. Fiona won the ''Best New Artist'' award and made an unusual speech during the show. In the speech she talked about how the ''world'' of MTV is bullshit and that people should just be themselves instead of trying to emulate celebrities. Howard had to talk to her about doing nutty things like that because she didn't make much sense when she was doing it. It turns out that she may have been drunk when she made that speech. The lead singer from Blues Traveler, John Popper, called in with some back stage details. He told Howard that when Fiona came off stage she told him that she was a little drunk when she was out there. Fiona is only 19 years old so she's under the legal drinking age. She didn't say too much about the drinking. Howard asked her if it was true and she asked him if he'd drink if he had to make a speech in front of a huge audience like that. Howard said he has made speeches and he hasn't been drunk... So there. This had to be one of the longest interviews that Howard has done. She was there for over an hour! After the MTV stuff she told Howard how she was drugged by some woman while she was on vacation in San Tropei recently. She was staying at some house and a woman who was staying there put some kind of drug in the champagne they were drinking. Fiona said that she couldn't sleep for 4 days and at one point she had hallucinations of a jack-rabbit in a red coat following her. She doesn't know what it was that the woman put in the champagne but some of the people who drank it were getting skin rashes and lumps from it. After taking a commercial break Howard came back and brought in the lesbians who showed up for the show. Gary said that they had confirmed 19 lesbians last week but only 4 showed up today. Fiona said that she has had near lesbian experiences in her past... well she kissed a woman she was attracted to. Eventually Fiona got around to singing her hit song ''Criminal''. If you haven't seen the video, make sure you get MTV and wait until it comes on. It's almost like watching porn...without the nudity. Even if you don't like the music you should check out the video. Fiona sounded great by the way.
-- Friday September 5, 1997 --
Steve Grillo At The MTV Video Music Awards. 9/5/97. 6:05am
Steve Grillo was sent to last night's MTV Video Music Awards show but he didn't get to question any celebrities. He was surprised that MTV didn't allow him to bug any of the celebrities that were there. He did manage to get yanked out of the way of an Entertainment Tonight camera crew though. Howard played the tape of that little incident. Then they spent about 20 minutes talking about Steve's bad attitude. A bunch of the people who work at the station find Grillo to be very snotty and annoying.
Stuttering John At The MTV Video Music Awards. 9/5/97. 7:30am
Stuttering John had better luck than Steve Grillo did last night. John got a bunch of short interviews with some celebrities like The Spice Girls, Mike Meyers, Wu Tang Clan, David Arquette, Kevin Bacon, Kyra Sedgewick, Carmen Electra and Wil Smith. Most of the interviews weren't more than one or two questions. John asked the Spice Girls who had the biggest nipples, do they share dildos and how many tampons do they go through in a year. That was the longest interview he did. Mike Meyers was rambling about paparazzi before John interviewed him and didn't really give any good answers for the questions that John asked.
The Mike Walker Game With Carol Leiffer. 9/5/97. 7:55am
Comedian Carol Leiffer came in to plug her new show on the WB network so Howard let her join in on the fun of the Mike Walker game. For those of you who don't know about the Mike Walker game here are some simple rules. Mike Walker, gossip editor for the National Enquirer, gives 4 gossip stories. One of the stories is completely false. Try to guess the false one. Here are today's stories:
1. Kelsey Grammar's wife Camille gave him a stair master and told him that he's too fat and she doesn't like fat guys.
2. Aaron Spelling is going to do a reunion show for the 1970's TV show ''Charlie's Angels'' but Farrah Fawcett isn't sure if she wants to do it or not because she looks too old.
3. Aaron Spelling's daughter Tori recently showed up at a taping of a TV special wearing a VERY revealing dress. Aaron wouldn't let her on stage until her breasts were covered up.
4. 48 year old Mark Harris, the guy who married Martha Ray not too long before she died, is getting married to a 23 year old concert violinist. This violinist is not female though.. it's a guy.
Carol guessed that the 3rd story was the fake, Robin also picked number 3, Jackie picked number 4, Fred wasn't playing this week and Howard chose number 4. The actual fake story was number 2 about the ''Charlie's Angels'' reunion. Howard and the rest of the gang were surprised and thrilled with the last story about Mark Harris because he's one of the better guests on the show. Gary came in a short while later and said that Mark was in Germany and he could give him a call to find out more about the story. Carol hung around for a while longer to talk to Howard about her new show called All right Already which airs this Sunday on the WB network. Howard also talked to her about her huge breasts. Carol also used to write for Seinfeld and The Larry Sanders Show.
Ex-New York Mayor Ed Koch Comes In. 9/5/97. 8:40am
Ed Koch came in to plug The People's Court since he's now the new judge on the show. One of the first cases on the new People's Court involves a case where a guy loaned one of Howard's ''Butt Bongo Fiesta'' tapes to a friend and the friends mother threw it out in the garbage. The guy then wanted his tape back but couldn't get it. He thinks the tape is worth $1500 so he sued the friend. The new People's Court starts airing September 8, so check your local listings for time and channel. Howard and Mr. Koch also talked politics and crap for a while. Before Koch left he told Howard all of the different jobs that he has. He's a lawyer with a law firm in NY, a teacher, a writer and he has his own 45 minute radio show. He also mentioned a couple of other things that I didn't catch because he rattled them off so fast.
Mark Harris On The Phone From Germany. 9/5/97. 9:15am
After hearing about the possibility of Mark Harris getting married to another man Howard had to talk to him. Gary got him on the phone and Howard asked him about it. Mark says that he is with a 23 year old violinist by the name of Daveed. They're not planning on getting married but they are enjoying each others company. The two of them get together and perform some bizarre song together in clubs. Howard said that he wanted to hear them together so within 30 seconds Mark was singing and Daveed was playing his violin. Howard goofed on them as they played but told Mark is was wonderful. Howard also spoke to Daveed about the situation. Daveed met Mark at a club he was playing violin at. Mark was depressed and Daveed noticed him. He went over to meet him and the rest is history. Mark and Daveed will be coming to the States in October so they'll be stopping in to visit Howard.
-- Thursday September 4, 1997 --
New Market! Louisville Kentucky! 9/4/97. 6:15am
Howard announced that he started in a new market this morning. 100.5 in Louisville Kentucky is the latest addition to the Stern family. That makes 3 stations added in one week!
Find The Howard Stern Building. 9/4/97. 6:40am
The building that Howard works in is called ''The Howard Stern Building''. Howard sent Stuttering John out to find some cab drivers to see if they could find the building just by the name of it. John went up to a couple of cabbies and told them that if they could find the building they'd win a prize. Needless to say none of the drivers knew where the building was so Howard gave up on the game. He told John to head over to the British Embassy to interview some of the Princess Diana mourners.
Stuttering John At The British Embassy. 9/4/97. 7:45am
Howard wanted to find out why so many people were flocking to the British Embassy in New York City to sign some book for Princess Diana. Stuttering John tried to get a few people to talk to Howard on the phone but it wasn't easy. Eventually he got a guy from Michigan by the name of Ken to talk about it. Ken said that he was just there to pay his respects. He came in all the way from Michigan just to do this. Howard also spoke to a woman who drove up from New Jersey to do the same.
Author Of ''How To Have An Affair And Never Get Caught'' Calls In. 9/4/97. 7:55am
Howard talked to the author of this book for a short while today. The book gives people ideas on how to get away with cheating on their spouse without getting caught. She gave some examples of how some people get away with it. One guy has two sets of clothing so that when he goes out with his mistress he wont get her perfume or lipstick on his other suit. He can change back into his other clothes and not get caught by his wife. If you've been thinking about cheating on your wife I guess this is the book to get.
Tom Arnold Out Takes. 9/4/97. 8:20am
Tom Arnold recently did some introductions for the ''Classic Best Of Stern'' segments they played last week. Tom messed up some of his lines during the taping and cursed a bit so Howard played the out takes. Tom is even funnier when he's screwing up his lines than he was getting them correct. Howard had about a 60 seconds or more of the screw ups.
Savanna The Stripper Comes In. 9/4/97. 8:55am
Savanna the stripper came in to plug a pay-per-view special that's airing this week called ''The Girls Of Scores''. She appears in more than one part of the special totally nude. Howard needed something to keep the segment interesting so they played a trivia game with her an a guy on the phone. The guy on the phone was playing for a trip to Washington D.C. To visit the FBI building down there. It was sponsored by FX because they're running old episodes of The X-Files... So anyway, Savanna is 5'5'' tall, 120 pounds with a 34 B chest... Just thought I'd throw that in there. Here's the first 'sample' question:
- How many strings are on a guitar?
Savanna got the answer wrong on that. Howard was looking for 5 and she said 7. Here are the rest of the questions:
- Name one chess piece? - Castle.. close enough
- How many years is one Presidential term? - 4 - Correct
- What does IRS stand for? - Question ignored because the guy on the phone screwed up.
- Who wrote Tom Sawyer? - Mark Twain
- Who invented the light bulb? - Thomas Jefferson
- Finish this quote: ''Give me liberty or give me...'' - Death
The caller on the phone won his prize and we found out that Savannah isn't that stupid. If you'd like to learn more about ''The Girls Of Scores'' then head over to www.scoresgirls.com
-- Wednesday September 3, 1997 --
Melrose Larry Green Calls In. 9/3/97. 6:50am
Melrose called in to report that the Los Angeles station was using one of Jackie's laughs in a promo for the Tom Leykis show. Howard got upset and freaked out a bit about the people who run the station. Melrose tried to plug something but Howard hung up on him before he could get it out.
Corey Feldman Calls In. 9/3/97. 7:25am
Corey Feldman called in to give his view on the Princess Diana situation. He and Howard spoke for a short while about it. Corey seemed to focus on the paparazzi part of the story. Howard says that it was the driver's fault because he shouldn't have been driving drunk and shouldn't have been speeding to get away from the photographers. Howard said that when photographers hound him he just lets them take pictures.
Captain Janks Plays Another Phony Phone Call. 9/3/97. 7:35am
Captain Janks had another phony phone call to play for Howard. He didn't get a chance to play it yesterday. This call was to a news channel somewhere in South Jersey or Pennsylvania. It was made during some major flooding that happened recently in Southern New Jersey. Janks told the guy that there was major flooding and that a video store was flooded and people were very upset because all the copies of ''Private Parts'' were drowned.
Joan Rivers Comes In. 9/3/97. 8:25am
Comedian Joan Rivers came in to plug some appearance that she's making where she'll be talking about overcoming adversity. There wasn't much interesting going on until Howard took a call from a Canadian woman. The woman, who was very upset, told Howard that she was mad at him for putting down her country and her people. She now says that she'll try to get Howard off the air, not only in Canada but the United States. Howard called her silly and stupid while Joan tried to get more out of the woman. These idiots just don't understand that Howard is just entertaining people. Howard is right, she was a moron.
The Musical Group Talk Show Comes In. 9/3/97. 9:05am
Talk Show, formerly Stone Temple Pilots, came in to hang out for a little while this morning. After the lead singer Scott Weyland from STP went in and out of rehab a bunch of times the rest of the band got another lead singer and put together another album. When they came in this morning they weren't really bad mouthing Scott Weyland much. Howard thinks that they're keeping quiet just in case Scott decides to come back to the band. They said that Scott is doing his own thing right now and he's working on his own album. There are also rumors that he will try his hand at acting. Howard played a little bit of their new single ''Hello, Hello'' which sounds every bit as good as a Stone Temple Pilots song. The guys said that they'd like to come back and perform live sometime in the future.
-- Tuesday September 2, 1997 --
The Stern Show Has Gone International. 9/2/97. 6:10am
It's now official. Howard is broadcasting into Canada in Montreal and Toronto as of this morning. The show has gone international! Howard sounded pretty happy about it but there's already controversy up there. People have already started writing to the Canadian equivalent to the FCC here in the US. It looks like this experiment may be a bumpy ride. Howard also said that people in Toronto tried to stop the deal there.
Captain Janks Phony Phone Call To CNBC. 9/2/97. 6:20am
Captain Janks has done it once again. He's made a phony phone call on a major television broadcast during a tragedy. This time it was Princess Diana's death. He was calling in giving an update to the host of the show. He worked his way into saying that the reason the driver of the car was speeding was so that they could get to a video rental store to rent a copy of Howard Stern's Private Parts before it closed. The host didn't know that it was a phony call and asked Janks who was reporting that news. I believe that you will be able to hear this call in RealAudio over at The Interactive King Of All Media Newsletter in the near future. There was also a call made to CNN over the weekend where someone called in and yelled out ''Baba Booeyyyyyyyyyyyyy''. Ralph played that one for Howard after Janks called in.
The Spice Girls Come In. 9/2/97. 7:45am
This musical group is the last one I'd expect to hear on the Stern show but they came on today. All five of the annoying Brits came in and annoyed the crap out of a lot of listeners. Howard seemed to find them attractive. He asked them some simple questions but they weren't very cooperative. Howard had heard that one of them was a virgin so he asked her about it but she refused to answer him about it. The sang a couple of lines of a song to prove they can actually sing. Howard took a couple of calls from listeners. One guy told them all to just shut up. Another caller said he read a story that said one of them was in a soft core porn movie. She said it wasn't porn but she did show her breasts in some movie. The girls are in town for the MTV Video Music Awards that air this coming Thursday night. After they left Gary came in and told Howard about some of the wacky things that they were doing. They refused to sign a release for the E! show so we wont be seeing them on that. They also had to sign a release for the radio show and they crossed off stuff on that before signing it. Plus they brought their own release that the Stern show had to sign.
Montreal Press Conference. 9/2/97. 8:45am
The first Canadian press conference went off pretty well this morning. It was pretty much like every other press conference that Howard has. The press asked the same dumb questions as the press here in the states do. Howard handled himself well though. Howard says that Canadians are just like people here in the United States. They enjoy the same TV shows so why not Radio?
Robin A Life Saver? 9/2/97. 9:35am
Earlier this morning Robin said that she saved a life during vacation. When she told the story though, it wasn't Robin who saved the life. Robin was down in Cape May, New Jersey at a restaurant with her friend Kathy. They were minding their own business when they heard a woman scream ''Does anyone know the Heimlich maneuver?'' Kathy is a nurse so Robin yanked her out of her chair and pushed her over to the woman who was choking. Kathy did the Heimlich maneuver and popped out the thing that the woman was choking on. So it was actually Kathy who saved the life although Robin helped by pushing her friend in the direction of the emergency. The woman they saved gave them a note saying how much she appreciated it.
Robin Single Once Again!!! 9/2/97. 9:40am
This may have been the biggest news of the day! Robin told Howard that she and Mr. X (aka Tony) have broken up. Robin says they'll remain friends but not lovers anymore. According to Robin, Mr. X couldn't handle the serious relationship thing at this point. She didn't seem upset by the situation and she said she's still looking a man. I guess it's a good thing Howard didn't win that chess game. Their marriage wouldn't have lasted very long.
-- Monday September 1, 1997 --
The Best Of Stern 9/1/97.
It's labor day so Howard is off until tomorrow. Here are today's Best Of features:
- Howard gets pissed off when he hears that Jerry Seinfeld was bad mouthing him during one if his shows.
- King Of All Messengers and Captain Janks play some phony phone calls.
- Stuttering John talks about buying and selling stocks.
- Stuttering John interviews some baseball stars at a baseball convention.
- Howard fires Gary for ''Glomming'' stuff from the show.
- An adoptive mother calls in to complain about the things Howard says about adopted children.
- Howard calls his mother to find out if a story he told Robin was true.
- Howard tells everyone about how his wife wont let him go out and have some fun.
- Howard turns down a ''Big Mouth'' award from the National Association of Radio Talk Show Hosts.
- Larry Fine radio bit.

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