Howard Stern Show News Archives. December 1996
-- Tuesday December 31, 1996 --
- Best Of Stern. 12/31/96.
Featured on today's Best Of: Ted The Janitor, Stuttering John, ''Sternac the magnificent'', Joe Piscopo song ''Kimberly'', discussion about adoption, the infamous Baba Booey phony phone calls.
-- Monday December 30, 1996 --
- Best Of Stern. 12/23/96.
Featured on today's Best Of: Todd Bridges, Howard's brother-in-law Bruce, the late Allison Steele, Ian the drunk Russian, New York gunman phony phone call controversy, and the late Doug Bady.
-- Friday December 27, 1996 --
- Best Of Stern. 12/27/96.
Featured on today's Best Of: Sam Kinson, Jessica Hahn (again), The Bee Gees, Pat Cooper, Governor Christie Todd Whitman, King Of All Blacks.
-- Thursday December 26, 1996 --
- Best Of Stern 12/26/96.
Featured on today's Best Of: Jessica Hahn, Howard's argues with his wife about appearing on Geraldo, goofing on Jackie's song ''Flies'', Siobhan the transsexual.
-- Wednesday December 25, 1996 --
- Merry Christmas! 12/25/96.
No show today...
-- Tuesday December 24, 1996 --
- Best Of Stern. 12/24/96.
Featured on today's Best Of: Howard calls Iraq, Buddy Hackett, Captain Janks and King Of All Messengers fight over F-Emmy, Howard's parents complain about their appearance on 20/20, Elephant Boy and Stuttering John fight.
-- Monday December 23, 1996 --
- Best Of Stern. 12/23/96.
Featured on today's Best Of: Stuttering John, Don the Touretts Syndrome guy, Fabio, Roa tries out for Miss Howard Stern pageant.
-- Friday December 20, 1996 --
- Best Of Stern. 12/20/96.
Today's show included: Mark Harris, Stuttering John interviews, Rapper EZ E, A woman calls in yelling about Howard talking about Mongoloids, Demi Moore calls in from the set of ''Indecent Proposal'', Private Investigator for boy who sued Michael Jackson talks to Howard.
-- Thursday December 19, 1996 --
- Best Of Stern. 12/19/96.
Here are a couple of today's 'Best Of' bits: Pat Cooper yelling at Young MC, phone call from Julian Lennon, Howard's wife Allison upset with Geraldo, Montel Williams' brother talks with Howard.
-- Wednesday December 18, 1996 --
- Justice For Howard! 12/18/96.
Last night on the news they mentioned that a lawsuit filed against Howard by the family of Debbie Tay was thrown out of court. Debbie, a wacky guest who used to be on the show, died not too long ago. After she died another wacky guest, Chauncy, got possession of some of Debbie's cremated remains. He brought the remains on the radio show and that show eventually aired on E!. The family of Debbie Tay filed a lawsuit against Howard for that incident. The judge said that what Howard had done was ''..vulgar and disgusting..'' but not illegal so the lawsuit was thrown out of court.
- Best Of Stern. 12/18/96.
Some of today's 'Best Of' bits: Howard's booking with Geraldo show blown out of proportion, Goofing on Mr. Rogers, Jessica Hahn, the late comedian Bill Hicks called in, goofing on Gary's teeth again, Gary describes his tooth brushing regimen.
-- Tuesday December 17, 1996 --
- Best Of Stern. 12/17/96.
Some of today's 'Best Of' features: Branford Marsalis, Goofing on Gary, Guy who slept with nannies, Howard's Mom.
-- Monday December 16, 1996 --
- Best Of Stern. 12/16/96.
Stern Show vacation time. All this week is 'Best Of'. Today's best of had Daniel Karver, Tiny Tim, Christie Todd Whitman (NJ Governor), Baba Booey phony phone calls and a college professor who has 'Private Parts' as required reading material.
-- Friday December 13, 1996 --
- 19 Year Old Bi-sexual Calls Back. 12/13/96. 6:50am
This woman was on the phone the other day. Howard wanted her to see if she could seduce his wife and sleep with her. She called in this morning to see if Howard had convinced his wife to do it yet. Howard said that she's not into it. Allison thinks that Howard wants her to do it just so he can get to sleep with the woman. She's probably right but who cares? Let the guy have some fun! One problem with the whole plan is that the other woman lives in Phoenix Arizona. The woman suggested that she could accidentally bump into Allison in a tanning salon or something. Howard kiddingly said that they should do it somewhere in between New York and Arizona..
- Another Foolish Listener. 12/13/96. 7:25am
This guy Mark called in yesterday or the day before and said that he had sent in a tape of his band playing a song that ''would be perfect for Private Parts''. Howard gets a lot of that kind of crap from listeners who think their band is the best. Gary told Howard that he usually just throws the tapes out when he gets them. That's what happened to this guys tape. Well today the guy showed up at the studio with another tape. He's a cop so Howard let the guy come in and play his ''perfect'' song. It started off pretty good. The music sounded decent but the lyrics were pretty bad. Howard didn't think much of the guy's voice because he was calling the band ''Officer Alvin and the Chipmunks''. I thought it sounded a little bit too much like Rush. Anyway, Howard won't be putting this song on his soundtrack album.
- The Mike Walker Game. 12/13/96. 7:50am
Mike Walker from the National Enquirer called in with his weekly game. Here were the 4 stories the gang had to chose from:
Now as most of you know the Stern show crew all have to try and pick the one phony story out of these four. Here's the way they picked them... Stuttering John picked the Brooke Shields story, Jackie also picked that one, Fred picked it too. Robin chose the Kathie Lee story and Howard picked the Brooke Shields story. The story that was actually made up was the Viper Room story. No one got it correct... oh well.. Why do I report on this game?
- Johnny Depp's Viper Room to be franchised around the world?
- Kathie Lee Gifford taking ballet lessons from Joanne Woodward?
- Brooke Shields not to do more than one pratfall per episode of her lame NBC show because of bruises on her ass?
- Loni Anderson agrees to make an appearance at a Hulk Hogan wrestling show?
- Crackhead Bob Comes In To Hang Out. 12/13/96. 8:10am
Good ol' Crackhead Bob came down to the studio to do some work after the show but since he was there a little early Howard let him hang out. Howard just took some phone calls and talked to Bob about how he does things in his life. Howard brought up the Entertainment Tonight piece from last night. E.T. Howard thought that they were going to show the whole movie trailer but they ended up just using bits and pieces of it. Bob said he saw it and loved it. Howard wondered how Bob can tell when the show is going to be on because he can't tell time anymore! Bob said he just turns the tv on and watches it until the show comes on. Then Howard asked him how he knows what channel to watch. Bob told him that he has his neighbor do it for him. Sounds like quite a life. Bob also got to call Ralph a fag again because Ralph backed out of his lie detector test.
- Beavis and Butthead Come In. 12/13/96. 8:45am
The creator and voices behind Beavis and Butthead, Mike Judge, came in to promote the release of Beavis and Butthead Do America which will be released on December 20. Mike...err... Beavis and Butthead talked to Howard for a while making jokes and doing their usual stuff. Mike's voice gets beat up pretty good when he does the Beavis voice so he kept choking and coughing through the whole interview. Howard gave him a break by talking to him as ''Mike'' instead of Beavis and or Butthead. Howard talked to Mike about the merchandizing of all of the different Beavis and Butthead toys, aftershave and other crap. Crackhead Bob hung out in the studio during all of this so of course Beavis and Butthead goofed on him a bit.
- Ralph Backs Out Of Second Polygraph Test!!! 12/13/96. 9:30am
Can you believe it? Ralph the faeg had agreed to take his lie detector test over again after failing it miserably 2 weeks ago. He had some lame excuse about why he didn't want to do it. Even if he passed a second test people would still call him a homo. Is everyone else getting sick of this guy? Bloated Attorney Dominic Barbara even called in and offered Ralph $5000 if he could pass the second test. Ralph said ''no way''. A bunch of people were saying that they've had some odd experiences with Ralph. Mike Gange came in and said that while rollerblading with Ralph down in Miami a bunch of gay guys with score cards gave Ralph a low score when he skated by so he turned around and went back to find out why he got such a low score. He said he didn't think he deserved a low score. It wasn't because he's gay that he went back. Another listener called in a while later and said that Ralph kind of came on to him at a gym he was working out at. The guy said that Ralph grabbed his ass when he was spotting him on a weight machine. Ralph didn't really deny it, he just asked the guy why he didn't punch him when he did it. Who knows what the deal is with this guy...
-- Thursday December 12, 1996 --
- Movie Trailer To Appear On Entertainment Tonight! 12/12/96. 6:00am
If you read this early enough tonight you may be able to catch a sneak peak at the Private Parts movie trailer on Entertainment Tonight. They did a promo for it on last nights show and Howard mentioned it today. Check your local listings for air times. On a related subject a Long Island theater owner called in and told Howard that he has the trailer ready to go into 3 out of 5 of his theaters starting tomorrow. The guy is thrilled about having them and said he thinks the movie will be great.
- Woman Comes In To Get Naked. 12/12/96. 7:00am
A woman by the name of Susan came in this morning to have Howard evaluate her. Susan is a 28 year old from the Philadelphia area. She wanted to know if she was Playboy quality or not. Howard interviewed her before anything else. She told Howard about her lesbian experience at age 19 and other things about herself. She said that she had D-cups but it turns out that she's between a C and a D most of the time. Howard always seems to enjoy doing this because it means having a woman take her clothes off for him and that's exactly what she did. Howard said that she was very attractive but he'd have to take Polaroids of her to see how she photographs. She did just that and Howard directed her to pose in different positions. Robin was first to point out that she didn't have D-cups. Howard snapped a few photos and had all the guys in the studio give their evaluations. Gary was up first. He told her that she wasn't quite up to the Playboy standards. She needs to tone up a bit more to get even close to being Playboy quality. She's more suited to Penthouse or Beaver magazine according to Gary and the gang. Fred and Jackie had similar evaluations. Fred said that she could do a Hustler magazine spread, maybe. Howard was the same but he went into more detail about what was wrong with her. He kept telling her that she was gorgeous but she needed some breast implants and some liposuction on her thighs. She told Howard that she wanted the truth and he gave it to her. I think she left the studio a little hurt but sometimes the truth hurts.
- Getting Locks For The New Studio. 12/12/96. 7:45am
Howard is going to finally get his wish for a lock on the new studio door. He's been wondering why they didn't plan that from the beginning because the studio was supposed to be just for the Stern show. Howard said that he's come into the studio a couple of times and found people just sitting in his spot playing with the buttons. He convinced Tom Chiusano to order locks for the door but Tom says it'll be a few weeks before they're installed. That doesn't make much sense because he could call a locksmith and have something installed within 2 days. Tom told Howard that the locks will be installed by the time he gets back from Christmas vacation. Vacation starts next week and Howard won't be back until after the first of the year.
- Emilio The Suicide Guy Calls In. 12/12/96. 7:55am
Howard saved this guy from killing himself 2 years ago. Emilio called in December 7th of 1994 on a cellular phone. He was calling from the edge of a bridge that he wanted to jump off of. Howard talked him out of it and made big news that day. Today Emilio just called in on his 2 year aniversary to tell Howard how he's doing. When Howard asked him what great accomplishments he had done since that day Emilio told him that he got a tattoo of an evil clown ripping out of his arm! Great... Plus he's lost 30 pounds and he's working again. He's no longer suicidal either. Then Emilio started asking stupid questions about diareaha so Howard had to hang up on him. Howard then wondered if it was a good idea to stop the guy from killing himself...
- Billy West Fans Read This. 12/12/96. 8:15am
This sure as hell isn't big news but a lot of Billy West fans wonder if Howard hates Billy West since he quit the show late last year. Howard doesn't say much of anything about Billy but today while discussing cartoons he did say that he's ''...a fan of Billy's'' voices. The subject came up while discussing Beavis and Butthead, Ren and Stimpy and Saturday morning cartoons. Howard said that he just never thought Ren and Stimpy was funny. He likes the voice that Billy does but not the cartoon itself.
- John Popper From Blues Traveler Comes In. 12/12/96. 8:45am
Blues Traveler lead singer John Popper came in this morning to hang out for a while. He had his guitarist Chan with him. Howard and John spent a bit of time talking about getting laid. John told a great story about meeting a beautiful woman in Chicago, hanging out in a club and making out, then meeting her again at his concert. He eventually took her to his tour bus and had her give him ''oral favors''. It was a pretty entertaining story that he told but it was kind of drawn out too long. John and the band are going to be working on a new album soon and he's been working on a song about Howard. He played a bit of that and it sounded pretty good. He also played a couple of other songs while he was there. Blues Traveler will be playing Madison Square Garden on New Years Eve if you want to go see them. John stuck around through the news and also through the suicidal woman thing...
- Suicidal Woman Calls In! 12/12/96. 10:05am
Gary came in to the studio and told Howard that there was a woman on the phone crying and saying that she wanted to kill herself. Howard wanted to stop saving people's lives after that Emilio thing 2 years ago but he decided to see what he could do. The woman was crying when Howard picked up the phone. Howard got some information out of her.. She's a 42 year old interior decorator that was charged with felony embezzelment. She's been arrested and lost her job. She said that she was set up by her old boss for that embezzelment thing. She doesn't have any money or friends and she might be evicted from her home today. She said she's ''..at the end of her rope..''. Howard told her that there's a lot to live for like his movie and well... His movie. A woman psychologist called in and wanted to talk to the woman but she really didn't want to talk. Some guy even called up and offered her a job but he was in New York and she's in Virgina. The woman has a man, either a boyfriend or husband, but he can't make her life any better. She even said that maybe she'd take him out with her. Eventually Howard got her to talk to the psychologist off the air. Who knows what happened though because we didn't get an update. John Popper was still there and he told Howard that he'd wanted to sing a song to the woman. Howard let him sing ''Just Wait'' for him instead. The song was kind of depressing. Howard said that if she had heard the song she may have been worse off. What a day...
-- Wednesday December 11, 1996 --
- Thanks To Jackie ''Rodney'' Get's Laid! 12/10/96. 6:15am
A listener, Chris I think, who does a great impression of Rodney Dangerfield called in to tell Howard a great story. He was out at Jackie's CD signing this past weekend. After he got his CD signed some woman noticed that he had the CD's in his hand so she asked him where to meet Jackie. He escorted her to Jackie and she got her CD's. Chris asked this woman if she'd like to get a drink. She agreed and off they went. He ended up taking her out and getting nice and drunk. He kept calling her a little ''minky'' which is what Howard calls really good looking women. Eventually he ended up taking her back to his apartment and banging her about 5 times that night and the next morning. This guy won a contest one time so he had been up to the K-Rock studios and had his picture taken with Howard and the gang. This impressed the woman enough that he got laid. The odd thing is that his mother had just died last Friday and this guy was out getting Jackie's autograph! He said that he got her phone number and he'd try to bring her down to the studio to show her off to Howard. He'd better get her in this week or we'll have to wait until January to hear the rest of this story.
- Stuttering John's One Interview. 12/10/96. 7:20am
John was out at a movie premier but only managed to get one interview. The movie was ''Marvin's Room''... what the hell is that? John said that there was a lot of security at the event so he only got to interview Billy Baldwin. Here are some of the questions he asked Billy:
Billy recognized John right away so he just blew off most of the questions while trying to find his limo. The funniest part was that he couldn't find his car so John just kept asking the questions. He didn't really give good answers for any of the questions. People have no sense of humor.
- Did it embarrass you to try to act with a wooden Cindy Crawford?
- Did you get a chubby when you kissed Cindy?
- Do you hit people like Alec (Baldwin) does?
- Do brothers share nude pictures of their wives?
- Are you jealous of Alec?
- Did Kim (Basinger) ever come on to you?
- What cruel nicknames did the other brothers have for the very hairy Alec?
- Who's the biggest Baldwin?
- The Wackiest Intern Story Ever!? 12/10/96. 7:35am
Last Friday Howard had a wacky intern story to tell. Today he had an even weirder story. This guy Bill had interned at K-Rock in the promotions department for a whole semester one time. He applied to get an internship on Howard's show and got accepted for a trial period. From what he understood there would be a 2 week trial period to see if he would be chosen to actually work in the morning. On his first day he found out that he wouldn't be working in the mornings. Around 1:00 that day Gary gave the guy $20 to go out and get something for his home phone. The guy left and never came back! A couple of years later Bill re-applied for the internship but changed the spelling of his last name. Kathy, Howard's assistant, knew that this was the same guy and even asked him when she talked to him on the phone. He said it wasn't the same guy. He went in for the interview and Kathy recognized him and got him right out of the building. A couple of days later Kathy got some flowers from this guy with an apology letter. Howard read the apology letter today with Bill sitting right there in the studio. The letter was full of lies! Bill denied that there were lies in the letter for 10 minutes but eventually broke down and admitted to them. This guy just kept on lying the whole time he was in the studio. He tried to say that it was the copy shop that screwed up his letter! Not only did he lie on the letter but on his resumé also! He was so full of crap you couldn't tell if he told any truths at all! Then his ex-roommate Mark called in. Mark says that Bill just left without saying anything to them. He moved out but never said a thing to them. They had been friends since high school but he didn't say a word to him. He claimed that it was because his roommates stole money from him and that's why he never spoke to them again. I'm sure this guy has more wacky stories to tell but there just wasn't enough time for it today. Wow...
- Another Fool Tries To Get Howard Off The Air. 12/10/96. 8:20am
Howard read a letter from some nut down in Texas who wants Howard off the air. The guy wrote to a bunch of people telling them about what Howard does on his show. While Howard was reading the letter he said that it actually made a good advertisement for the show! Some of the stuff the letter mentioned was really funny material. Howard said that he's all for getting himself kicked off the air. He wants that to happen so that he can be free of his radio career but still get paid by Infinity for the remainder of his contract. Howard told Gary to get the guy on the phone. Gary called the guy and tried to get him to agree to come on the air but it was taking a lot of convincing. Howard went to commercial and when he came back the guy was still on the phone with Gary. Howard got a microphone in the same room as Gary so we could hear the conversation. Gary was very convincing. He told the guy that he was a coward for not backing up the letter he wrote and that he'd have to go face his family as a coward. After about 15 minutes of that the guy finally agreed to come on the air. Howard spoke to the guy for a while but the guy was so dense that he couldn't get through to him. Eventually the guy just vanished off the phone without saying a word... Loser...
- The Cost Of Maintaining Blaze. 12/10/96. 10:00am
Howard had some article about Robin and her horse Blaze. In the article it had some of the costs of maintaining Blaze. It's pretty interesting. Robin paid $7500 for 8 year old Blaze. At the time of the article Robin was keeping Blaze in Manhattan, since then she's moved him out to New Jersey. The cost of keeping him in the Manhattan stable for one month was $600. Plus $160 for horse shoes per month and then there are Vet bills and all of the equipment that you need for a damn horse. Robin doesn't mind spending that money on Blaze. As a matter of fact she said that next year she'd like to get a second horse! She also said that Blaze has been throwing her off lately. She's all bruised up because Blaze refuses to go over jumps once in a while.
-- Tuesday December 10, 1996 --
- WWW.PRIVATE-PARTS.COM 12/10/96. 6:15am
Well here it is... The Private Parts movie official web site! Right now it's not complete but there is a cool animated GIF of the movie poster! Howard was looking over his movie poster this morning admiring it and reading everything off of it. Head on over and check it out!
- Penthouse Pet Of The Year Comes In. 12/10/96. 7:30am
Penthouse Pet Of The Year Elizabeth Ann Hilden came in this morning but didn't make much of an impression. First of all she came dressed in very conservative suit. No cleavage or skin showing. Howard begged her to change into something different but she refused. She had her suitcase with her so Howard asked her if he could go through it and pick out some different clothing. She let him do it but there really wasn't any good sexy stuff in there. He asked her to wear a couple of different things but still she refused. Howard did say that she was really good looking even if she didn't have her clothes off. She was way too conservative to be on the show but she said that she owns a gentlemans club with her husband and she strips! In her stage act she has a shower and she does stuff with whipped cream and chocolate. Howard eventually gave up on getting her clothes off so he wanted to test her intelligence. He asked her a few questions and here are a few:
So she's not the smartest woman on earth.. who cares? Howard should have kicked her ass right out of that studio when he saw how she was dressed. Nobody wants to see her like that on E!. If you do want to see her naked check out the Penthouse Pet Of The Year issue whenever the hell it comes out.
- Who is the leader of the P.L.O.? [No Clue]
- Who was Bob Dole's running mate? [No Clue, she doesn't follow politics]
- Captain Ahab is a character in what book? [No Clue]
- Hank Aaron played in what sport? [Baseball!!! She got one!!!]
- More On TCI Cable From San Jose. 12/10/96. 8:55am
This TCI Cable out in the San Jose area in California is apparently taking E! off of their system for some weird reason. The program manager from Howard's San Jose/San Francisco radio station, KOME, called in with some ideas how to stop TCI from doing this. He suggested a letter writing campaign, a petition drive and possibly a protest. If there's more info on any of those ideas I'll keep you posted. There are rumors out there that say TCI Cable is asking for money from E! to keep them on. E! will not pay a cable company to stay on the air so off they go. Listeners were calling in telling Gary that the channels replacing E! are owned or partially owned by TCI itself. If you don't get to keep your E! channel on TCI then drop your cable and get a satellite system or something. F-TCI CABLE!!! Howard also mentioned that loser Brad Kava who calls Howard a hypocrite in his column. Brad likes to bash Howard in his column and lately it's been getting worse. He said that Howard's ratings have been dropping so much that he's fallen to number 3. Well that was only true for ONE rating period. The latest ratings out there show Howard only 3/10ths of a point from being number one.
- Stupid Ex-Stripper Calls In. 12/10/96. 9:20am
Some bitch called into the show to complain about Howard. She had some bizarre thing going on. She said that she used to like Howard but he's changed over the past 3 years and now she doesn't like him anymore. She went on to read off of some piece of paper with her insane ramblings written on it. She babbled on and on about how horrible Howard is and crap like that. Howard went off on her and called her some names which were too tame for this pig. He should have just hung up on her but he let her say what she wanted to. What a whacko she was. She sounded as nuts as that Mrs Steven Segal woman who comes on the show once in a while.
-- Monday December 9, 1996 --
- Howard's Weekend Of Recording With The Dust Brothers. 12/9/96. 6:05am
Howard was in the recording studio this weekend doing some stuff for his soundtrack album. These Dust brothers are some guys who have worked with people such as Tone Loc, Young MC and The Beastie Boys are supposed to be really good. Howard talked about his experience with them this past weekend. He, Fred and Jackie spent like 20 hours recording and writing material for songs. Howard is singing on these by the way. It should be interesting!
- First Anniversary Of Timmy's Death. 12/9/96. 7:05am
That's right! It's almost been a year since Jackie's retarded cat Timmy died. This guy called in this morning to tell Howard that he wanted to have an event with Nancy's band 'Big Orange Marble' playing to make money for The North Shore Animal League. Nancy didn't want Timmy's name involved for some bizarre reason. The guy who was on the phone is the same guy that had an argument with Fred not too long ago about Fred backing out of an event that he was supposed to play. This guy just likes to get on the air to plug his place. The guy said that he wanted to have t-shirts with ''F-Timmy'' printed on them to sell at the fund raising thing. Nancy wanted to put ''L-Timmy'' as in Love Timmy but who the hell would buy one of those? So she chose not to do it. This guy couldn't believe it so he had to call in and bad mouth her. They yelled and screamed for a few minutes about it and that was that. Somehow Fred got involved in the argument so there were 3 people yelling at the same time. What a nightmare. Nancy mentioned that December 30th will be the first anniversary of the cat's disappearance. I know for a fact that both Jackie and Nancy are VERY sensitive about their cats death. It's best not to bring it up in conversation with either of them... F-TIMMY!!!!!!!!
- The Bi-sexual Cocktail Waitress. 12/9/96. 7:40am
A guy called in this morning and said that his girlfriend wanted to fart on the phone for Howard. By the time the guy got on the air the girl chickened out but she had better things to talk about. The guy put her on the phone and the next thing you know she's talking about how her grandfather molested her and how she had her first lesbian experience at the age of 14! Not only did her grandfather molest her but 2 of her uncles did the same! She also used to shower with her aunt at age 13. Her aunt was 10 years older than her but she said that her aunt would just wash her hair, not molest her. After this girl talked about how she slept with a bunch of women as well as men Howard asked her if she'd do stuff with his wife. She agreed so Howard called his wife and asked her if it was okay to bring a woman home. Allison said she'd think about it! The girl described herself to Allison.. 5'5'' tall, C-cup, 110 pounds, blonde hair, green eyes... Her boyfriend says she's really cute. Allison was just trying to get off the phone quickly because she had other things to do. That's why she said that she'd think about it. Something spoiled the whole thing for Howard.. The girl said that she lives in Phoenix Arizona... Howard really wanted to get this girl to do his wife. He was really having fun with this phone call.
- Caller Of The Week. 12/9/96. 8:15am
These calls are probably from quite some time ago but here are the nominees:
Howard read the winner which was the guy who didn't like the word 'Gook' but then said he'd read it wrong and the actual winner was the Allison's age phone call. He wanted to get her on the air but she wouldn't pick up the phone so nothing happened...
- Guy who didn't like Howard's use of the word 'Gook'.
- Fred's wife Allison and the guy who exposed her real age.
- French guy yelling at Howard.
- Black guy yelling at KKK member Daniel Karver.
- Richard Lewis Comes In. 12/9/96. 8:45am
Richard Lewis came in to plug a bunch of his little projects. The first thing Howard asked Richard was if he'd had a nose job. Richard played along with it and said that he'd had one done about 3 weeks ago! Howard thought that he was serious so he was asking about how painful it was and if he could breath correctly. Howard needs to know all of this because he's supposed to have a nose job. Richard kept Howard going for a while but eventually told him that he was lying about the nose job. The last time Richard was in he told Howard how the movie he'd just finished was going to be shown on HBO first and then released to the theaters... no logic there. The movie, Drunks, will be in theaters sometime in January but as Howard pointed out people have already seen it on cable so why would they go and pay $8.00 to see it in a theater? Richard said that the movie got really good reviews but Howard had some reviews that said different. He went on to read about 3 articles that said the movie basically sucked. Howard told Richard to stick to stand-up comedy. He has a special coming up on HBO this month called 'The Magical Misery Tour' which will air on Saturday the 14th.
- Movie Poster In Theaters This Week. 12/9/96. 9:20am
Howard had one of his Movie posters in the studio this morning. He said that they're supposed to be out in theaters this week. He also said that Paramount is rushing the movie trailer out this week in Los Angeles and New York City. It should hit around the rest of the country shortly after. I guess Howard looks pretty good in the movie poster because everyone was asking him if they had to airbrush it to get him looking so damn good. Howard said that they didn't but Stuttering John just laughed at him. He said that there's no way Howard looks like that. Howard said he has the original pictures to prove it but I don't think we'll ever see them.
- ''Rectum Detective Ralph'' Backing Out Of Polygraph? 12/9/96. 9:30am
Ralph was in the studio today. Howard said that he wanted to give him another chance with the lie detector test. He wanted to do it this week but Ralph says that he wants to wait until after the holidays to do it. Howard said that it's this week or nothing. Ralph's reasoning had something to do with his mother hearing it or something. It was hard to tell why he wanted to wait so long. He said something about not wanting people calling him and bugging him during the holidays. Eventually Howard got Ralph to agree to come in on Friday to do the test. Stay tuned!
- Crackhead Bob Calls Ralph A Faggot! 12/9/96. 10:30am
Robin put it best when she said that there's a couple of words that Crackhead Bob says really well and ''faggot'' is one of them. Bob called in late in the show to yell at Ralph. Bob yelled out ''Ralph is a faggot'' and it came out clearer than anything he's ever said on the show. Bob repeated himself a few times and Ralph came in to defend himself. Howard was so impressed with Bob's call that he said Bob should be a regular on the show. He should have one day of his own for appearing on the show. He could come and sit in on the news. Maybe this will happen after Christmas vacation...
-- Friday December 6, 1996 --
- Did Howard Wake Up On The Wrong Side Of The Bed? 12/6/96. 6:05am
First thing this morning Howard was on a rampage. This time it was about the Tiny Tim funeral tape and who was editing it. Howard wanted Gary to handle it but Mike Gange was doing it. Gary tried to defend himself but it was no use. Howard knew what he wanted and Gary didn't read his mind so Gary had to take the abuse. What a way to wake up in the morning! Howard said that he wasn't in the mood to yell but that didn't last for long. He yelled for a good 15 minutes and tried to get Gary to do the ''repeat after me'' thing. Gary refused to do it. So tense so early in the morning...
- The Tiny Tim Funeral Tape. 12/6/96. 7:40am
Lucky for Howard, the E! show got some footage of the Tiny Tim funeral. They actually got footage of the dead Tiny in an open casket! Howard played some tape of Tiny's mother-in-law, Tiny's cousin and a Priest who read a horrible newspaper article about Tiny. When Howard saw the tape of Tiny in the coffin he said that he looked the same dead as he did alive. All of this tape should end up on the E! show sometime next year.
- Jimmy Pop, The One Day Intern. 12/6/96. 8:20am
There seems to be a weird story behind almost every intern that has worked on the Stern show. This one might be one of the strangest. This college kid applied to become an intern in 4 separate semesters. He was turned down 3 times in a row by Howard's assistant, Kathy. She said that he just seemed like he'd be wrong for the job. The last time he came in for the interview he was accepted. Kathy said that he seemed to have matured after all of that time. His first day comes up and he calls in and tells them that he can't come in because he just got a record deal. Well that record deal worked out great for this guy and now his single is being played all over the country and the video for that song will be shown on MTV starting this Sunday! The One Day Intern, Jimmy Pop, was in the studio to meet Howard today. He's a real ''high energy'' person which could be confused with just being annoying. Or maybe he's just annoying... but he's such a fan of Howard's that he carries around a radio station list with all of Howard's affiliates on it. He knows where he can hear the show all over the country. He also sampled the ''BABA BOOEY'' sound effect from the show and used it in one of his songs. In another song he sings about Howard. Howard played a bit of his current single Fire Water Burn. Jimmy says that his group, Bloodhound Gang, is a ''white rap band''. If you're into alternative music like they play on K-Rock then you'd probably like the song. It's okay but nothing to go nuts over. The song with the Baba Booey reference in it is another one that's just okay. If you want to get this album I believe it's called One Fierce Beer Coaster. Howard said that he liked the song but he may have done that just to piss off Stuttering John. John put an album out a couple of years ago that only sold like 50,000 copies. Howard thought that John might be a little jealous of this guy. John came into the studio and said that he wasn't.
- Crackhead Bob Drops In For A Visit. 12/6/96. 9:00am
Everyone's favorite guest Crackhead Bob was in today to do some work. Bob was hired by some company out in California to do a commercial! Bob can barely speak on his own and this place is asking him to read a whole commercial. This was C/H Bob's first visit to the new studio. He also had a new tattoo to show off. Since nobody knew what the Private Parts logo would look like Bob had the Tattoo people make one up. Howard described it as looking like an old fashioned reel of film with Private Parts written on it. Bob didn't have to pay for this tattoo. He just had to wear a ''Lone Wolf Tattoo Parlor'' t-shirt on the E! show. Bob's got tons of tattoos on his bad arm. He's got Baba Booey, Howard, Robin, Jackie, Fred and a New York Jets Logo plus the new Private Parts logo on that thing. What a fan! Howard said that the scene that Bob filmed for the movie may be cut because it's kind of sad to watch according to Ivan Reitman. The commercial that Bob is supposed to read is for some mattress company. Howard had Gary rehearse with Bob on the air. Gary would read a line and Bob would try to repeat it. As you may know Bob can't read anymore so someone has to feed him the lines whether he's singing Van Halen songs or reading commercials. It's amazing how you can turn a 30 second commercial into a 10 minute long unintelligible nightmare. After the commercial rehearsal Bob told Howard that he can actually sing along to a song without someone feeding him the lines. He sang along to Emerson Lake and Palmer's Lucky Man. He was pretty much singing along but the words came out as ''oh what a ducky ma dwad''. Bob, who's real name is George, has to be one of the best guests ever. So friggin entertaining...
- Private Parts Trailer To Hit Theaters December 20! 12/6/96. 9:20am
During the Crackhead Bob interview Howard said that the Private Parts Movie trailer will start playing December 20. That's the same day that Beavis and Butthead Do America hits the theaters. Beavis and Butthead is also a Paramount Pictures release so perhaps the two will play together? Howard also said that the trailer may be out earlier in New York and Los Angeles. The rest of the country gets it on the 20th. Keep an eye out!
-- Thursday December 5, 1996 --
- Kato Kaelin Comes In. 12/5/96. 7:45am
O.J. Simpson's house guest Kato who blew his questioning in the criminal trial came in this morning. Howard has spoken to Kato before. He was on after his appearance in the first O.J. Trial. At that time Howard yelled at Kato for being such a lousy witness. This time Howard was a little nicer to Kato. Kato was a better witness in the Simpson civil trial recently. Howard has forgiven him for his mistakes I guess. Kato didn't have much of anything to say today. He was just rambling on about miscellaneous crap. How did this guy get so damn famous? He's friends with Larry King and some Sheik offered him $10 Million to move into his country! He gets like 3 or 4 women a week. He goes through girlfriends like I go through underwear! He had dinner with President Clinton.. Larry King invited him to some function where he ate with the President. Kato is also still doing a radio show out in California. All of this because he was O.J.'s house guest!
- ESPN's Roy Firestone Calls In. 12/5/96.
Howard was up for a Cable Ace Award recently and Roy Firestone was one of the people who he was up against. Howard may have said some things about Roy being a nobody before the awards show. Today Roy was on the phone to tell Howard that he's a fan of the show. Roy has his own talk show on ESPN. He said that he shouldn't have even been up against Howard for that award. Howard should have been in a comedy category instead of a talk show category. Roy actually beat Howard in that category! Roy has 7 Cable Ace Awards. Roy made Robins day by telling her that Mohammed Ali actually listens to Howard's show. Robin is a huge fan of Mohammed Ali so that made her day. Roy's interview was going fine until he sang a little song about Kato Kaelin. It was really lame. It may just have been his career low point...
- Private Parts Preview During Superbowl! 12/5/96.
Howard wasn't going to mention this but it was printed in some Los Angeles newspaper so he broke his silence. There will be a Private Parts commercial shown sometime during the Superbowl in January. This will be the first glimpse at what the movie is going to look like. That is if you watch the Superbowl. Keep you're eyes open for it.
- What To Do With TCI Cable? 12/5/96.
Listeners have been contacting Howard about this cable TV company out in California that's going to drop E! from it's system. The listeners want to know what to do to stop TCI from dropping one of their favorite channels. Even Howard wasn't sure what to do. He said that you could threaten to drop the cable service but TCI knows you won't do it. Howard tried to come up with a solution but didn't have a good one. Howard doesn't know why all of these people come to him for help. They should be contacting the cable company, not Howard. If you live out there and you can do without cable TV then just drop it and get a satellite dish instead. It won't be cheap but you'll be able to get E!
-- Wednesday December 4, 1996 --
- HOWARD NEEDS LESBIANS! 12/4/96.
Howard is looking for lesbians to tell their story for the Private Parts soundtrack CD. If you are a lesbian or know a lesbian call Gary at 212-314-9322.
- Howard To Remake Hurdy Gurdy Man!? 12/4/96. 6:45am
Howard's been putting
together his movie soundtrack album lately and he wants to remake the Donovan song, Hurdy Gurdy Man. Fred came up with a music bed and Howard tried singing it this morning. He tried it out about 5 times this morning changing it around each time. He was using the harmonizer to lower his voice. The song got really annoying really quick. By the end of the show the song was like fingernails on a chalkboard...
- Man With The World's Largest Foot Comes In. 12/4/96.8:00am
This 7'4'' guy came in today with his giant 29 1/2 size feet leading the way. Matthew McGrory has the largest foot according to the Guiness Book Of World Records. Matt is 7'4'' tall and weighs 310 pounds. His voice is deeper than any voice I've ever heard. Gary put it best when he said the guy sounds like Howard when he uses the harmonizer to do the really deep voice he does. Howard interviewed the guy about his sex life and all that good stuff. Then the guy took his shoe off and showed Howard his bare foot. Howard was amazed by the size of it. He even put his size 13 up next to it for comparison. Matthew said he didn't stop growing until he was 19 years old. At age 16 he was about 6'7''. Matthew is a bouncer at some bar. I'm sure there aren't too many people that argue with a 7'4'' 310 pound guy. Matthew said that he's met Sandy Allen the worlds tallest woman. Howard asked him if he was attracted to her. She's a little old for 23 year old Matthew so they won't be hooking up anytime soon. Howard tried giving Matthew some career advice. He told him that he should go into the circus or into show business somehow. Matthew is in Law school right now. No show business for him. Just before Matthew left the show Howard had his next guest come into the studio... Marty the Midget! Marty is like 4 feet tall so it must have been quite a site when the two of them were standing next to each other. It should make for an interesting E! show.
- Marty The Midget Comes In. 12/4/96. 8:45am
Marty is going to be a father! He managed to knock up a normal woman! The child will be of normal size according to Marty. His dwarfism doesn't carry over to his kid unless he was with another dwarf. After Matthew the giant foot guy left Howard decided that he'd rather be a Midget than a giant person. Matthew's shoes cost him $2500! Howard would rather be too small than too large. Marty's friend Michael, who was also in the studio, got a commercial appearance because of Howard's show. He said that someone heard him on the show and offered him a normal role in a Mutual Fund commercial. Actually it was for a ''small investor'' roll so it wasn't exactly a 'normal' role but he wasn't a clown or anything like that. At one point in the show Howard got Hank the drunken dwarf on the phone because Marty and Michael don't like him. Howard thinks that Marty is just jealous because he used to be the only midget on the show. Hank is ready to fight Marty. He said that even with a ''..busted appendix..'' he could kick Marty's ass. Even Howard thinks Hank could beat up Marty. Hank doesn't want to come down from Massachusetts to fight unless Howard pays his way. Howard said he would but Hank just kind of laughed it off. Maybe this will happen someday.
- Pickin' On Gange. 12/4/96. 10:45am
During the news today Howard had Mike Gange come into the studio to ask him about going down to watch the Thanksgiving Day parade balloons being blown up. Somehow the subject changed to Gange's job on the E! show and how poorly he does it. Then it changed to why Gange is still doing that job. Howard is pissed at Gange because he hasn't moved on to something different. He just drags down the show doing those lame little interviews after guests come in. Listeners were calling in yelling at Gange about the horrible job he's doing and how they could do it better. Gange tried yelling back with that hoarse voice of his but it didn't work too well. Gange said that eventually he'd like to get into directing. Let's hope it's not Howard's show... Howard told Gange that he wants him to move on to something else by the end of 1997. He's sick of him hanging around and wants to see him in a better job. After Gange was out of the studio Gary came in and told Howard that Steve Grillo was out interviewing and tormenting him. I don't know what he was saying to him but this should make yet another great E! show.
-- Tuesday December 3, 1996 --
- Private Parts at Paramount Pictures Web Site. 12/3/96.
I visited the Paramount Pictures Web site today and saw a tiny GIF of the Private Parts movie poster. There's no link to a Private Parts web page at this time but at least you can see the poster.
- Dan The Honest Man. 12/3/96. 7:15am
This guy called in yesterday to tell Howard that he found some tapes from Private Parts in a recycle bin. Today he turned the tapes over to Howard. Howard was very appreciative and impressed with this guy's honesty. Most people would have sold the tapes to someone else. This guy didn't ask for anything in return but Howard gave him a few rewards for being such an honest guy. Howard gave him tickets to movie premieres and concerts plus a couple hundred bucks. It turns out that this guy Dan is a doorman at the building where he found the tapes. He's not a janitor like Howard thought he might be. Howard also said that it could only have been one of 3 people who disposed of the tapes improperly. He wouldn't say exactly who it was though.
- Nico Treasures, Porno Star. 12/3/96. 7:35am
This porno chick, Nico Treasures, came in today looking for guys to appear in a movie with her. She wants guys that are well endowed. She claims that there's no one too big for her to do oral on. According to Howard and Gary this woman is very good looking. Most of the interview was spent talking about how screwed up her life has been. She talked about how her mother was killed in a car accident about 6 years ago when the car she was riding in got hit by a train. Her mother's boyfriend, who was also in the car, is now paralyzed from the neck down. Her step-father got the insurance money from the accident and hasn't been heard from since. That's okay for Nico because he molested her from 9 to 11 years of age. She doesn't miss him. She also had a lot of other interesting childhood stories to tell. She was gang raped in high school by a group of high school football players! She told the whole story about her experience. The players that did this to her were given a slap on the wrist. They were on probation and had to undergo psychotherapy. She ended up shattering her hand when she punched a wall while yelling at the football team. This interview must have been at least an hour long and they didn't get past the age of 16 for her life story. Howard said he'd have to have her back to tell even more of her life story. During one commercial break she showed Howard her breasts. Wow.. Then there was her lesbian story. She had a lesbian experience at the age of 11 with her friend at a sleep over party. The two of them just had a little experimental thing going. But her friend told everyone about what happened. Geez. Then there was the story about how she ran away from home when she was 13. She ended up living with a friend for a year or so after running away from home. One other thing she did while in the studio was shove an un-peeled banana down her throat. She shoved the wrong end down her throat and almost choked on it! She couldn't speak for a few seconds. What a nut! Eventually Nico got around to giving out the address for sending polaroids of your private parts to. If you're well endowed then take a picture of your whole body while you're aroused and send it to:
You can get the chance to be in a movie with Nico if you're big enough. Nico also plugged a couple of appearances that she'll be making in San Antonio Texas. She'll be at The Wild Zebra from December 16-21 and at Rose's Cantina from December 11-13.
- Nico Treasures
- c/o SCI
- 4792 West Commercial Blvd
- Fort Lauderdale FL 33319
- The Rosie O'Donnell Theory. 12/3/96. 9:05am
Some listener called in and said that his wife noticed that when Rosie O'Donnell has guests on she'll hug the white people but only shake the hands of black people. Howard wants to see if this is true. He needs someone with tapes of that fat head's show to send in the tapes so they can see if this is true. Of course now that it's been said on the air Rosie will probably hear about it and start hugging the black people. I don't know if this will turn into a bigger story but if it does I'll let you know.
-- Monday December 2, 1996 --
- Howard Talks About The Death Of Tiny Tim. 12/2/96.
This weekend Tiny Tim passed away. Howard spent a good part of the morning talking about his death and all of the great appearances that he's made on the show. Tiny's manager called in around 8:45 and talked to Howard for a little while about how much Tiny loved Howard. Tiny's manager says that Tiny was 64. Howard figures differently. He says that Tiny was 73 not 64. They figured that out a while back after Tiny appeared on the show. After Tiny's manager got off the phone Howard sang a song dedicated to Tiny. The song was to the tune of Yesterday and started off a little something like this... ''Yesterday... Tiny Tim passed away...''. Then Howard played tape of Tiny talking about how he uses Depends adult diapers as disposable underpants. That conversation lead to the infamous ''Pee Pee Diaper'' show back in August where Gary and Jackie peed in their own adult diapers. Tiny definitely contributed a lot to the show.
- Ralph's Lie Detector Test, Invalid? 12/2/96.
A listener called in this morning to tell Howard that Ralph's lie detector test was given improperly. The listener told Howard that the questions were being asked to quickly and that they should have gone over those questions before the test. They're not supposed to be a total surprise. Howard said that he knew something was wrong with that test so he invited this guy down to run the next one on Ralph. This listener said that he can run the test so that should be happening in the near future. Howard wants to take the same test as Ralph to see if he passes it. Howard took a test a few years back where he knew that he was telling the truth but the detector said different. He still believes that Ralph isn't a homo.
- Howard's Illness That Just Wont Go Away! 12/2/96.
Howard has been feeling under the weather for quite a while now. He's been having aches in his legs and a lot of diarrhea lately. Robin thinks that he's just a hypochondriac and rolled her eyes every time he mentioned one of his symptoms. He's been to the doctor and had a bunch of tests run but nothing has come out of it yet. He's waiting on Lyme's disease tests to see if that's what it is. A bunch of listeners called in telling Howard what they thought it might be. All the listeners had the same symptoms but all had different diseases. One woman called in and said that she could heal people just by touching them. She's supposed to be coming down to heal Howard sometime soon. She sounds like a whacko so it should make a good show.
- Howard's Daily's In The Garbage! 12/2/96.
A guy called in and said that he found some video tapes which had Private Parts daily footage on them. He works at some building in New York where he must be a maintenance guy. He found them in a recycling bin just lying there. He took them home and found that they contained ''dailys'' from Howard's movie. He's had them for a couple of months but just got to calling in and volunteering to turn them in. Howard was very appreciative that the guy was willing to turn them in rather then selling them. The ''dailys'' are just daily tapes of scenes that were shot from different angles so it's not the whole movie. Howard was pissed because the tapes shouldn't have been disposed of in this way. He wanted to get names of the people who were living in that building at the time the tapes were found. The guy said that he couldn't do that because it would probably mean losing his job. He's supposed to return the tapes tomorrow. I guess this guy isn't on the web, otherwise he'd be hocking the tapes all over the place.
- Gilbert Gottfried's Daugher? 12/2/96.
Some woman called in around 9:45 this morning claiming to be Gilbert Gottfried's daughter. She's 30. She says that Gilbert is like 55 years old. Howard got Gilbert on the phone to find out just how old he is. Gilbert wouldn't admit to his actual age but he said that he's around Howard's age of 42. Gilbert says that he doesn't have any children that he knows of. Howard asked the woman if she'd like to come down and confront Gilbert. She sounds a little wacky. Gilbert would love to come down to the studio and meet his ''daughter''. Howard asked the woman if she's ever been institutionalized. She said ''no'' but she thinks that Gilbert is her father so maybe she should be! She said that she's working on getting her psychology degree! Who would admit to thinking that she was Gilbert's daughter? If anything else comes out of this I'll let you know.
-- Sunday December 1, 1996 --
- Tiny Tim Has Died. 12/1/96.
This weekend Tiny apparently suffered a massive heart attack while performing his best known song, Tip Toe Through The Tulips. Tiny Tim had suffered a heart attack back in September of this year. He refused to let doctors do any exploratory surgery on him at that time. He spoke to Howard about that back in October when he called in. That was Tiny's last appearance on the show. Tiny was a great guest on the show and he'll be sorely missed.
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January 1997 Archive
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