Mark's Friggin' Stern Show News

Howard Stern Show News Archives. October 1996

-- Thursday October 31, 1996 --

Celebrity Lesbian Dial-A-Date. 10/31/96.
Well she isn't much of a celebrity but Linda Perry, formerly of 4 Non-Blondes, was in to play an odd version of Lesbian Dial-A-Date. I say odd because Linda brought her girlfriend in with her. The idea was to have Linda pick another lesbian off the phones to go out on a date with her and her girlfriend. Howard interviewed Linda before the dial-a-date thing about her lesbianism and her girlfriend. Linda told Howard that she's never actually slept with a man. She's full lesbian! Linda said that she tried to sleep with a guy but she just couldn't go through with it. Howard also asked her about her new solo career. She's got an album out called In Flight. The dial-a-date thing was weird. Howard took a few calls from different women and Linda eventually chose a winner. I think the winner was a woman by the name of Sheila a 5'7'', 113 lb, C-cup lesbian. They're supposed to go out and play pool and see how things go. Before Linda left Howard got her a guitar and had her sing her hit song What's Goin On from when she was with 4 Non Blondes. She sounded pretty good even though it was only like 8:30 in the morning.
Speech Impediment Man! 10/31/96.
Oh no not another speech impediment guy! This guy came in with a speech impediment that sounded kind of like a retard with a lisp. When he came in Howard said he was a big fat guy with a ''Santa Clause beard''. He said that he's a comedian but when Howard had him do some of his stand-up routine it wasn't really funny. The guy told a couple of unfunny jokes that made no sense. The guy says that he's 36 and he's never slept with a woman! Howard told him that if a woman called in for him they could go out.. no women called in for quite a while.. Then a sex therapist who helped Elephant Boy out a few years back called in. Maybe those two will hook up and have a little fun. While this guy was in Lou Ferrigno called in. Lou played The Incredible Hulk on the TV series back in the early 80's. Lou is hard of hearing so his speech pattern is a little shaky also. Lou was calling in to plug his new restaurant, Cartoon Saloon, down in Miami. The call had nothing to do with Speech Impediment Man. I don't even think Lou knew that Speech Impediment Man was there. I think Howard wanted to have dueling speech impediments on the show but Lou's wasn't nearly as bad as Speech Impediment Man's. I guess we'll hear more about this guy if he goes out with that sex therapist.
-- Wednesday October 30, 1996 --
Milton Berle And His Wife Come In. 10/30/96.
88 year old Milton Berle came in for a visit this morning. Uncle Milty brought his wife with him. She's somewhere around 40 years old, 1/2 his age. Milton was in to plug his comedy CD called The Funniest Roasts Of The Century. Howard and Milton talked about everything from Miltons penis size to the good old days in TV back in the '50's. For an 88 year old guy he still sounds like he's with it. He still bosses people around like he knows everything. Gary was telling Howard how Milton yelled at Steve Grillo and Mike Gange just before he came into the studio. Milton likes to have control over everything. He even wanted Gary to introduce him a certain way. Howard also spoke to Miltons wife about the first time she saw Milton's weiner. Howard has always wanted to see Milton's snake but he never gets to. Howard asked but Milton said there was a quarter charge to see it. Howard didn't take him up on that though. If you want to get Milton's CD just dial 888-LAUGH-ON.
Phil Collins Sings For Howard. 10/30/96.
Phil came in with minimal instruments this morning. After the horrible experience with YES the other day Howard had Gary ask Phil to come in with a Casio instead of a big band. Phil wasn't thrilled to be up so early in the morning but he hung in there for the show. Howard talked to him for a little bit then asked him to play a few songs. Phil did one of his big hits from the '80's, In The Air Tonight first and then did a medley of a few other songs. The first song sounded much better than any of YES' songs but it still wasn't right. Howard took a break after the first song to fix a couple of problems. He seemed to have fixed them after the break because Phil sounded a little bit better with the medley songs. Phil seemed like a really cool guy, especially to Robin! After Phil had gone Robin said that it's not often that she likes a person more after she's met them. Phil must have really done something right to get Robin's attention like that. I almost forgot... Phil's new album Dance Into The Light is available now.
Power Failure Knocks K-Rock Off The Air! 10/30/96.
Howard was knocked off the air for about 3 minutes or so after a minor power failure at K-Rock. Lucky for us it happened during a commercial and he was back on pretty quick. None of the other markets were affected.
-- Tuesday October 29, 1996 --
Stuttering John At The Fashion Awards. 10/29/96.
Howard finally got to Stuttering John's interviews. Last week John was as some Fashion Award show. John was dressed up in a new disguise that Ralph created for him. Apparently it was working pretty well. He questioned a few celebrities and here are a few of them:
Harry Connick Jr. (Singer, Actor)
John's first question was ''Why do you like to carry pistols on airplanes?'' Harry said that he didn't.. Next question was ''Are you packing heat tonight?'' Connick walked away after that one.
Dennis Hopper (Actor)
First question ''what do you think James Dean would be doing if he were alive?'' Dennis said ''anything he wanted to..'' Next question ''How big of a dope is Keanu Reeves for not doing Speed 2?'' Dennis said that he was pretty silly for not doing it. John asked a couple of other questions and Dennis just went with it. He didn't get upset like so many others do.
John P. Gottier (Designer)
Stuttering John was asking the guy why the French hate the Americans so much. Gottier said that they love the Americans. John also asked why the french were such cowards in World War II. Gottier said that he didn't understand the questions. John also asked the designer if he ever shopped at The Gap. Gottier said no. Gottier played along with the questions until John asked ''douchbagsayswhat?''.
David Bryan (Keyboard player from Bon Jovi)
John asked David ''Who are you?'' David didn't recognize John because of his disguise. He knows John because he's been on the show before. David told John that he was from Bon Jovi and John says ''Really!?'' acting surprised. David was pissed by that time. Then John asked him if his name was Brian. Eventually David noticed it was John and laughed the whole thing off.
Kate Moss (Model)
Johns first question ''Why are so many models anti-Kate Moss?'' got a ''..Are They?'' answer from Kate. Then John asked ''Do you think that you're a good roll model for women?'' that pissed her off and she told John that he was asking really horrible questions and walked away.
Jimmy Smitts (Actor)
''Are you angry that a true superstar like yourself has to play second fiddle to a fat cottage cheese face like Dennis Franz?'' Jimmy just said a long ''noooo'' and walked away.
Bobby Brown (Whitney Houston's husband)
''OJ innocent or guilty?'' Bobby just said ''You're a comedian aren't you?'' and walked away.
Gary Marshall Comes In. 10/29/96.
Director Gary Marshall came in this morning to plug his latest movie, Dear God. Gary is the brother of Penny Marshall who was Laverne on Laverne and Shirley many years ago. Gary has produced and directed many great movies and TV shows in his lifetime like Happy Days, Mork and Mindy, The Odd Couple etc. etc. Howard knows him because Gary helped Howard find a good movie script for Private Parts. Howard kissed Gary's ass for a while and asked why he chose Greg Kinnear to star in Dear God. Howard thinks that Greg is a no talent who just gets acting parts because he's a ''pretty boy''. Gary said that Greg did just fine in this movie. He doesn't have to carry the movie though. He's got Tim Conway, Jack Klugman, Laurie Metcalf, Coolio and Christopher Darden to help carry it.
-- Monday October 28, 1996 --
YES Comes In To Attempt A Few Songs. 10/28/96.
Howard was complaining last week about how bad the equipment is at K-Rock. He didn't even want to have YES in to do their thing. That's the way he should have kept it. This was probably one of the worst appearances by a band yet! Not that they're bad musically, it's just the way they mix the music and voice. Howard was left out of the mixing for the first song and it sounded awful. The band members couldn't hear themselves like they needed to and they couldn't concentrate on what they were doing. They actually started laughing halfway through the song and gave up singing! Howard took over for the second song, Run Around, and it helped a tiny bit but still sounded bad but they actually finished the song. YES is out promoting their new album and this probably didn't help. They've gotten back together after breaking up many times in the past. Howard spoke to them a little bit before their nightmare songs. They talked about their drug and alcohol abuse and about their previous break-ups. After they left Howard just went off on everyone working at the station, mostly Tom Chiusano who won't get the right people in to fix the problem. Howard is supposed to be moving to the new studio in the next 3 weeks or so but he doesn't think that things will change. They may have more room but it will probably still sound like crap. Howard spent a better part of the morning yelling and screaming about this mess so he never got to Stuttering John's interviews from last week.
F-Jackie's Lung... He Doesn't Have Cancer! 10/28/96.
Last Friday Jackie went in for a bronchoscopy to look at a spot that showed up on his x-ray. Well it wasn't anything life threatening, it's just bronchitis. Jackie can now smoke his weed without worrying about cancer.
Howard Does The Third Input! 10/28/96.
Early this morning before YES came in Howard announced that he finally got to the ''third input'' with his wife. He's been working up to it for a long time and finally got in there. He wasn't impressed with the feeling. He said it was just like doing it the normal way.
Stuttering John Interviews Postponed Once Again. 10/28/96.
Since Howard was on such a tirade about the whole YES thing, he didn't get to John's interviews from last week. Maybe tomorrow.
-- Friday October 25, 1996 --
Howard And The Gang Meet Blaze! 10/25/96.
Howard said that he and the gang recently went over to meet Robins horse Blaze to film a little piece for E!. Howard, Jackie, Fred and Gary went to see Robin ride her horse. Jackie and Gary actually got on the thing and rode it themselves! Howard said that Robins huge breasts were just bouncing beautifully up and down as she rode the horse. Robin was brushing and stroking the horse when Howard got there. He said that Robin is in love with that thing. Gary said that he didn't know that she had that emotion in her until he saw her with the horse! The poor horse is kept in a small stable somewhere in New York City. This should make another interesting E! show when it airs. I'll post info here when I hear the air date.
Why Howard Hates Tom Chiusano. 10/25/96.
Howard often says that he hates Tom Chiusano. Today he had two very good reasons to hate him. Howard decided to tell everyone his complaints today. Howard wanted to go out trick or treating on Halloween during the show. He just wanted to stop at listeners houses and do the show from them. K-Rock used to have a van for doing just such a thing. Well they don't have it anymore so Tom turned down the idea. Howard was pissed. They could rent a truck for doing that but Tom doesn't want to spend the money. Howard talked with Tom on the air about this and it looks like Gary is going to try to arrange something. Maybe Howard will be trick or treating on Halloween. By the end of the show this morning Gary had a couple of sponsers for the Halloween show. We'll see how it turns out next week. The second problem Howard had with Tom was with the equipment. Whenever a band comes on to the show they sound like crap because of poor quality equipment at the station. Howard wants to have Phil Collins come in and do a bunch of his songs and the group YES was going to do the same. Howard changed his mind about it because he doesn't want them to sound like the last couple of bands that have been on. He wants quality and Tom wont spend the money to fix the problem. Howard decided that he's going to have his own engineer come in and fix some of the problems. We should hear more about this next week also.
Richard Portnau Calls In. 10/25/96.
Richard is the man who is playing Howard's father in Private Parts the movie. He called in this morning to plug a new tv show that he'll be in. The name of the show is Easy Streets or something like that. It'll be airing against The X-Files on Sunday nights at 9:00 pm on CBS. Good luck to this show... geez who would program against The X-Files?
Heather Locklear Comes In. 10/25/96.
Heather Locklear from Melrose Place came in this morning to plug this VH-1 special that she did. It's the Fashion Award show which will air tonight at 9:00 pm on VH-1. Heather said that she wears a really sexy revealing dress on the show so tune in! Howard was drooling over Heather as usual. She always looks good to Howard. She and Howard talked about her marriage with Richie Sambora of Bon Jovi, Melrose Place and bowel movements. What an interview. Howard asked Heather if she ever throws up after eating so that she can stay so damn thin. She said that she's never done that but she goes to the bathroom quite often. Heather was really open to discussing such a disgusting subject. Fred was playing a bunch of fart sound effects during the discussion and Heather just loved it! She kept talking about it just so Fred would play more farts! Howard was also discussing the acting thing with Heather and how actors actually do get excited when they kiss or do a love scene. Heather says that she doesn't get excited but she's felt a few boners on other actors during her career. She's done some kissing scenes where she's felt the other guy getting a stiffie. She said that she just smiles at them. What a fun interview this turned out to be! You can see Heather on Melrose Place Monday nights on FOX...
Stuttering John Interviews. 10/25/96.
John has some interviews from the Fashion Awards but Howard didn't get to them today like he said he was. We'll have to wait until Monday for them.
-- Thursday October 24, 1996 --
Melissa Gilbert Calls In. 10/24/96.
Melissa Gilbert may be better known as Laura Ingels from Little House On The Prairie. She's been on the show in the past and she seems to enjoy coming on. She was calling in from Canada where she's in the middle of filming a Christmas movie called First Noel. She was calling in to plug an after school movie that she directed. It's called Me And My Hormones and it was Melissa's directorial debut. It's about a 13 year old girl who's getting her period and her mother who's losing hers. As Howard said ''..so it's a 'period piece'!?''. I believe it was on ABC this afternoon so you may have missed it already. Howard talked to Melissa for a little while about the movie and about her husband Bruce Boxleitner(sp?) who's on Babylon 5. Howard loves that show so he was complimenting Bruce's acting ability. Melissa said that after doing the 13 year old period thing she'd like to do one called Me and My Boner with an impotent father and a young boy just getting his first erections. She's pretty funny!
Grandpa Al Lewis Comes In. 10/24/96.
Grandpa Al Lewis was the grandfather on The Munsters back in the 60's for those of you who don't know. Grandpa is an old friend of the show but he hasn't been on in quite some time. Grandpa seems to still have his memory. He remembered his first talk with Howard when he was at WNBC. Grandpa said the first thing that Howard asked him about was who what hung better on The Munsters. Howard said that Grandpa told him that he'd only last 6 months on the air with questions like that... little did he know... Grandpa, who's 86 years old, came in to plug an appearance that he'll be making on Halloween night at the Hollywood Palace. It's some kind of wacky thing where porno stars will be appearing. Grandpa is MC'ing the event. Howard and Grandpa talked a lot about sex and all the women Grandpa has gotten over the years. Grandpa was also plugging some childrens books that he wrote! One second he's MC'ing a porno thing and next he's talking about kids books... go figure. If you'd like to get tickets to the Hollywood Palace thing just call 800-521-2471 or 213-480-3232 (TicketMaster).
Ex-Scores Stripper Drops In. 10/24/96.
Some ex-stripper by the name of Madilyn came in to audition for Howard's movie. I guess she misunderstood Howard's directions on submitting a video tape. She came into the studio to meet Howard and to see if she could get in the movie. Well Howard was impressed by her and her D-Cup implants. She took off her top for Howard and sat on his lap. She was also telling Howard not to get a nose job. She had one that took a full year to completely heal! She told Howard that he'd have black eyes for about 6 weeks after surgery. Howard almost gave up on the nose job idea until Madilyn told Howard that her surgeon was an Italian guy from Jersey City. Howard is going to use a Jewish Doctor from New York City. I guess that means that Jews are better doctors? Howard seems set on getting the nose job but he'll need time to heal. If that's the case he'll probably do it during Christmas vacation. So Madilyn did a tiny bit of acting with Howard but I don't think that she'll make the movie... who knows. If you'd like to send you're audition tape read about it below.
Marshmallow Mike On E! Tonight! 10/24/96.
Don't miss the long awaited Marshmallow Mike E! show tonight. Howard had to fight to get this show on the air. Gag as you watch Mike eat a ''buttmallow'' out of Jackie's ass for the chance to date Elaina Beasty. This is must see tv!
-- Wednesday October 23, 1996 --
Amy Lynn And Tempest Drop In. 10/23/96.
Strippers Amy Lynn and Tempest came in to plug some pay-per-view thing that they're doing on Election Day. Throughout the election they'll be doing stuff and getting naked while in a hot tub. They'll be covering the whole election but it'll be more interesting than anything on network tv. Amy also mentioned that she's going to have her own fan club web site one of these days and she'll be online trying to have cyber sex with Howard. Howard mentioned Tempest's web page over at The Interactive King Of All Media Newsletter site. He said that he's visited it a couple of times. Howard asked them what they've been up to and if they've been sleeping with a lot of guys. Neither one of them said that they're getting banged on a regular basis. The two of them plugged a couple of appearance dates and told everyone to vote for President Clinton. Once Amy Lynn was out of the studio Howard came up with an idea. He wanted Amy to just put her hand down the front of his pants. He just wanted to have that great feeling when a new woman puts her hand down his pants. Howard was embarrassed to ask her himself so he had Gary ask her. Gary came back in the studio and said that she agreed! She walked over and Howard told her that he didn't want her to touch his pecker but just slide her hand in far enough to touch the hairline. She was thrilled to do it! Howard was going nuts while she was doing it. He wanted to put his hand up her dress while she was doing that and he may have done it! It was hard to tell just from listening. Then Howard's wife called in. She wasn't too happy about the whole thing. Howard then wanted Amy to do it again while Allison was on the phone. Allison didn't want that to happen so she had Howard's youngest daughter come to the phone to say ''hi'' to her daddy. That was enough to stop him from doing it again. But after Allison was off the phone Howard had the opportunity to watch Amy Lynn get changed from her sexy outfit into her regular clothes. He didn't say much about it after the commercials but I think he did watch her get changed.
Ivan Reitman Comes In To Plug Space Jam. 10/23/96.
Ivan Reitman who's one of the Producers of Howard's movie Private Parts came in to plug another one of his many movie projects. Space Jam is basically a cartoon with a few real actors in it. Michael Jordan is the star. Howard said that what he's seen of it is really good. He thinks that it's a great family movie and that it will do really well. Howard just wanted to talk about his own movie. Ivan said that he wants listeners to send in video tapes of themselves talking about Howard. It's not a contest, it's more like an audition for a part in the film. They'll be choosing some people to actually appear in the movie. If you want to make a tape and send it here's the address:

Private Parts
331 West 57th Street Suite 500
New York, NY 10019
Ivan asked that the video tapes be kept less than one minute. The tapes will not be returned to you. He said he just wants listeners to talk about Howard in any way you want to. Howard mentioned that he'd also like to see some breasts. If you're chosen you may just get to appear in the movie! Get busy and good luck!
Richard Lewis Wandering Around K-Rock Studio. 10/23/96.
Howard came back from a commercial and said that comedian Richard Lewis was just hanging out in the hallway at the station. He invited him in to talk to him. Richard hates being on the air with Howard. Howard read some article that said Richard was going to be retiring. Richard said it was true. He's done everything and he doesn't feel that he has to do anymore. Richard has a movie coming out called Drunks. It's premiering on Showtime and will be released in theaters after that... Howard doesn't believe that. He thinks that it's a dumb idea. You don't premiere a movie on TV and then release it to theaters. It just doesn't make sense. Richard doesn't care. He says it's a great idea. Richard was also plugging a bunch of appearance dates which I can't remember...does anyone care? When Richard was getting ready to leave Howard asked him to put his hand down his pants like Amy Lynn did. Richard was afraid to touch him after that.
New Orleans Listeners Come In. 10/23/96.
Two listeners from New Orleans came in to complain to Howard about the fact that he's no longer on down there. Howard said that he will be back on down there sometime in the future. The two people were surprised but how crappy the studio was. Howard asked Gary when they'd be moving into the new studio. Gary said he had a date but he never did tell him what it was. Howard was too busy with the hillbillies from down south.
-- Tuesday October 22, 1996 --
Jackie's Lung Problem. 10/22/96.
Jackie mentioned this morning that he's going in to get a bronchoscopy done. He said that the doctors have found a spot in his x-rays which hasn't gone away after his recent bout with pneumonia. The procedure will include shoving something down Jackie's throat to look inside his lung. Then they'll scrape some crap out of the lung to see if it's cancer. Who knows what it will turn out to be but let's hope it's not cancer from all that pot that he smokes. How would we live without those great laughs of his? Head over to Jokeland and wish Jackie well.
The Six Degrees Of Kevin Bacon Book Deal. 10/22/96.
The guys that invented this game were in a few months back. They came in today to plug their new book. Howard is taking credit for getting them the book deal. They said that he had a little something to do with it. So they played the game a little bit with Howard and some of the listeners. Some of the names that they could link to Kevin Bacon were David Letterman, Pee Wee Herman, Christopher Reeve, Gene Simmons, Spike Lee, Herve Villacheze and Gary Coleman. The book just came out this week and it's pretty cheap at $7.95 so if it sounds interesting to you run right out and get it.
Wayne Gretzky Comes In. 10/22/96.
Hockey great, Wayne Gretzky, came in today just to hang out for a little while. Howard and Wayne talked mostly about Wayne's beautiful wife Janet Jones. Howard asked Wayne why Janet dropped out of show business. Janet wanted kids so she popped out 3 of them for Wayne. That's why she's been out of show business for a while. Wayne said that she's going to get back into it soon. The kids are getting older so she's going to start working again. Wayne had to get going to practice so he didn't stay too long.
West Palm Beach / Panama City Press Conference. 10/22/96.
Howard did his usual press conference with a couple of newer markets this morning. It was a little more entertaining than usual because the two cities were bad mouthing each other. The West Palm Beach station is the Country station that now carries Howards show. They sounded really thrilled to have Howard on the station. They're the first country station to carry Howard. They said that they're going to show other country stations how to do it. One other thing that was weird was a woman named Roxanne Pulitzer who was at the country station. She was in a Playboy issue with a trumpet or something. Anyway she was really annoying Howard. She just kept blurting out stuff while Howard was trying to talk. Howard didn't know why she was there or why she was even talking. Howard eventually yelled at her to shut up. She was really annoying. There weren't many good questions from the press. The questions were really tame and sometimes had nothing to do with Howard at all. Weird press conference...
-- Monday October 21, 1996 --
Caller Of The Week. 10/21/96.
This Caller Of The Week collection is from some time ago. Howard doesn't get to this stuff often enough so they get delayed. Here are the nominees: Guy who thought that Jackie has no talent Man(Riley) visited by aliens Captain Janks calls in to yell at Melrose Larry Green Woman calls in to yell at Mary Jo Buttafuoco And the winner was the guy who thought that Jackie has no talent. The winner wasn't available to accept his award.
Sandra Bernhard Drops In. 10/21/96.
As soon as Sandra walked in the studio Howard asked her if she'd gotten breast implants. She told him that she was just wearing a Wonder Bra and that she'd never get implants. She said that implants get hard after a while so she'll pass on them. Sandra mentioned that she has been studying to become some type of Jewish witch or something. Howard talked to her about that bizarre fact for a while. Howard took a couple of phone calls for Sandra and one guy asked Sandra how she lost her virginity. Sandra answered and the guy said that he was actually the guy that took her virginity! Sandra kept asking the guy questions to find out if he was lying or not. After a few minutes she said that it was him! They didn't say much to each other but Sandra seemed pretty happy to hear from him. Sandra also had a couple of things to plug while she was in. She'll be appearing in a movie called Museum of Love which was directed by Christian Slater. She'll also be in Hilander the series which is in syndication.
Baba Booey Out Today. 10/21/96.
Gary stayed home today to ''..re-fill his (gas powered) generator every 3 hours..'' Gary's power is out at his house so he had to go out and buy a generator. Howard was wondering why Gary's wife couldn't do the re-filling herself. When Stuttering John tried calling Gary to get him on the air no one answered the phone. Howard was a little pissed because Gary doesn't have a plan for when he's going to be out sick. John is next in charge so he has to figure out where all of Gary's paperwork is. At one point during the show Howard needed a tape of an old show. All John needed to do was pull it up in the computer and find the tape. The only problem was that John didn't know how to do that. Gary would have been able to pull it out in 5 minutes or less. John had the tape ready about 2 hours later and by then it was too late. I guess Gary does help the show out a little bit. Maybe he'll be back tomorrow.
-- Friday October 18, 1996 --
Howard Speaks Out About More FCC Fines! 10/18/96.
Howard decided to talk about his most recent FCC incident. Read about the FCC fines over at The Interactive King Of All Media Newsletter for the full story. Howard wasn't sure if he should speak out about the nightmare or not. He asked General Manager Tom Chiusano if he should or shouldn't talk about it. Tom wasn't sure if he should do it. As Howard said, ''...Tom did give me a definite 'I don't know'...''. Howard said that he is really depressed over the whole thing. It's all because of one man in one small part of the country that these fines are put through. Howard doesn't know what to do. He wonders if there's anything that listeners can do about it or if it's just a lost cause. People were calling in saying that he should organize something like 'The Million Stern March' down in Washington D.C. and march against the FCC. Howard really doesn't think it'll make a difference. There are so many other things happening in the world that nobody should be worrying about one man talking about a womans private parts. F-The FCC!!!!!!
Crackhead Bob Comes In. 10/18/96.
Howard wanted Crackhead Bob to sing some words to Robins theme music. He tried teaching Bob the words to the song which were very simple. The words to the song were ''It's time for Robins news...Robins news.. it's fun''. That was it. Howard had Bob singing without the music but as soon as Bob was under pressure to sing with the music he forgot the words. Poor Bob. He almost got it a couple of times but it just didn't sound right. Howard wants him to practice and come back next week and try again.
New Jersey Senate Contenders Call In. 10/18/96.
For a more detailed story see Philadelphia Enquirer contributor Matt White's article. Early this morning Howard mentioned that he had watched a debate between Dick Zimmer and Bob Torricelli who are running for New Jersey state senator. He said that he couldn't really decide which one was best because they were both great debaters. Then he said '' ..maybe I'll back whoever calls in first...'' like he did with NJ Governor Christie Whitman a few years back. He said that half kidding. Well during Crackhead Bob's segment both Dick Zimmer and Bob Torricelli called in. Now they were ready to debate on the Stern Show. These two guys respect each other as people but they argue about each others politics to the point that it becomes funny. They sounded like Siskel and Ebert! The two of them debated each other for quite a while. Howard didn't really know who he wanted to back so he suggested just flipping a coin. Then Gary came in and said that some of the listeners were calling in saying that Bob Torricelli once said that he wanted Bob Grant, another so called 'shock-jock' type, to be taken off the air for racist comments he'd made. Well that will probably knock Bob's ass right out of Howard's mind. Howard said that he wanted the two of them to come back on the show next week and answer some questions that Howard will come up with. That should be good.
-- Thursday October 17, 1996 --
Stuttering John At The Farakhan Rally. 10/17/96.
Yesterday Stuttering John was out at the Million Man March Reunion, day of atonement or whatever the hell it was called. He was interviewing the people at the rally. Howard spent most of the morning playing the tapes of the interviews. It seemed like he was interviewing a lot of black people, I can't imagine why.. John was asking questions about OJ and why the blacks hate the Jews. For some reason it always sounds like John picks the stupidest people to interview. That's why some guy called in to complain. He was asking why John didn't interview some of the intelligent people that were at the rally. John doesn't pick the retards out of the crowd. He just picks anyone and the most interesting interviews make it to the air. That's all there is to it. With some of the interviews Howard was guessing how the guy would answer the question. That lasted through a couple of interviews but some of the guys answering the questions would just ramble on and on about nothing so Howard gave up on it.
Rabbi Farakhan Comes In. 10/17/96.
After hearing all of the wacky answers from the people Stuttering John was interviewing Gilbert Gottfried, I mean Rabbi Farakhan, came in to speak. Gilbert was doing his black impression talking about being black and Jewish. Gilbert also went into singing a Jewish song which just about made my ears bleed. Howard asked Gilbert ''..is it true that you are hated by all people with ears?..'' Of course he is! Gilbert was also in to hang out during the news. He always comes in to plug his appearances at comedy clubs and the fact that he does the voice for the parrot in Disney's Aladdin cartoon movies. Howard's always amazed by the fact that Gilbert is so proud of doing that parrot voice.
The Black Quiz. 10/17/96.
This Puerto Rican woman called in while Gilbert was there to quiz everyone on the Black man's slang. She said that she's part black so she knows all the correct answers. When she'd ask the question each person would write down their answer. Everyone was playing so I can't put in all of their creative answers but the correct ones are just as interesting! Howard got one or two of them correct and so did Robin. One of the interns there at the station was also involved. He's black so he knew most but not all of the answers.
Here are the woman's questions and the correct answers to them:
1. How does a black man say 'I'm sorry I was wrong'? -- ''My Bad''
2. How does a black person respond to someone saying 'aaaaay ooohhhh'? -- ''ah 'ight''(alright)
3. What does 'I'm gonna snuff you' mean? -- ''I'm gonna punch you''
4. What does 'She got a gas face'' mean? -- ''Dirty Look''
5. What does 'It's the bomb' mean? -- ''Good''
6. What does 'Nine Pound' mean? -- ''95'' as in 1995
7. What does 'Hooptie' mean? -- ''Broken down car''
8. Five Part question:
  - Where is 'Up North'? -- ''Upstate New York''
  - Where is 'Strong Island'? -- ''Long Island''
  - Where is 'Boogie Down'? -- ''The Bronx''
  - Where is 'The Hill'? -- ''Staten Island''
  - Where is 'Shah Lin'? -- ''Brooklyn''
9. What does 'Buttafuoco' mean? -- ''Fag'' in prison or ''Good'' on the streets
10. What does 'Mom's Do' mean? -- ''Your Mother''
-- Wednesday October 16, 1996 --
Jay Leno E! Show To Air Tonight! 10/16/96.
Jays appearance from yesterday will air on E! tonight. This is the first time in a LOOOOOONG time that they've rushed a show on so quickly. Try to catch it!
Howard Makes A Smoothie. 10/16/96.
Howard was on the subject of his diet again this morning. He's been eating more than he used to so he decided to make one of his favorite drinks on the air. It's called a smoothie and it contains skim milk, a banana, orange juice, peanut butter and ice. He got a blender and had Steve Grillo go out and get the ingredients. Howard took a 1/2 cup of ice and one cup of skim milk and put them in the blender. He then took the banana and broke it into a bunch of pieces. Then 1/4 cup of orange juice goes in. Next you add 2 level teaspoons of peanut butter (Smuckers preferred). Howard said that he runs the blender at every setting because one of them has to be the correct one. He had Robin taste the smoothie but she hates peanut butter so she wasn't too impressed. Baba Booey enjoyed it as did Stuttering John. Fred tried it also but I don't know what his impression was. Tomorrow Howard said he's going to make one with yogurt and honey for Robin.
Japanese Broadcasters Visit. 10/16/96.
A bunch of Japanese people who are in the radio business came in to see how Howard runs things. A woman by the name of Lisa was an interpreter for the group. Some of the people could speak a little bit of English but it was very limited. One woman was from the Japanese version of the FCC. Howard asked her about saying certain words on the air over there. He named a few private parts and also asked if they're allowed to fart on the air. The woman had to think for a little while but said that if it were done in a joking way it would be allowed. These people have been all over the place visiting radio stations and they were supposed to visit 10 more places today. Howard was also yelling about world war 2 and how he hasn't forgiven the Japanese for that yet... kidding I think. He wondered which one of them was there to issue the apology... Howard seems to enjoy goofing on foreigners when they come in to visit the station. He told these people how god damn famous he is and how he's got a movie coming out and how no DJ in Japan has a movie made about his life.
Pat Cooper In For The News. 10/16/96.
Pat Cooper came in to hang out during the news today. When he came in Howard got Stuttering John to come on the air while at a rally at the UN building in New York City. It's the one year anniversary of The Million Man March so a ton of black people were at this thing today. Read more below... Pat was in to plug some appearance dates and to yell and scream about everything in the news. He does that so well. He yelled more today about everything than he did in his show at The Sands last weekend! He's so friggin wound up. Geez. Pat also has a couple of new songs out! Howard played one of them on the air. If you're not older than 60 you probably won't like this one. It's about his father being Santa Claus. It's just a lame little novelty song but if you want to order it he gave out an 800 number: 800-906-4PAT.
Stuttering John At The Farahkan Rally. 10/16/96.
Stuttering John was on a cellular phone talking to black people asking his usual stupid questions and pissing them off. Pat Cooper started in on one of the guys that John had on the phone with him. Pat was yelling at the guy telling him to go get a job instead of hanging out at some stupid rally. The guy didn't know it was Pat Cooper yelling at him. He thought it was Howard! The connection on the phone wasn't very good so John was just going to tape his interviews so they could play them tomorrow.
-- Tuesday October 15, 1996 --
Howard Flies With Kathie Lee And Frank Gifford! 10/15/96.
Last Friday Howard flew out to California to meet with some of the Private Parts movie people. Howard told a story about getting on a plane to fly out there. He said that for the first 20 minutes of the flight he was fine. He noticed some guy sitting next to him that looked kind of like Frank Gifford but it wasn't him. But then about a row in front of him sat the real Frank Gifford! Howard said that he couldn't tell if the woman sitting next to Frank was Kathie Lee or not. At one point the woman got up to go to the bathroom. Howard said it looked like she had a big fat ass so he didn't think it was her. Well when she came back from the bathroom he said it was her! Howard started to get nervous that Frank might come over and beat the crap out of him for all the things he's said about them over the past few years. Some chubby rich guy was sitting next to Howard on the other side. The guy was amazed that Kathie Lee and Howard were on the same plane together. He said to Howard ''..can you believe this?'' Of course Howard couldn't believe it. It's like his worst nightmare come true. Howard said he had a knot in his stomach the rest of the flight. Frank and Kathie Lee ignored Howard through the hole flight so nothing happened. Once they landed Howard got off that plane as fast as he possibly could. Late in the show this morning the fat guy who sat next to Howard called in to tell his side of the story. Howard said this guy had a really good looking woman sitting next to him on the plane and that he had to be a rich guy. Of course he was right. The guy is probably worth millions. The woman was 5'11'' and the guy was fat and short. So the guy told Howard that he was a big fan and he had been in the first class lounge with Kathie Lee and Frank. He said that he was talking about Howard and Kathie Lee with his beautiful wife before he got on the plane so it was really amazing when Howard actually walked on the plane and sat down next to him. The guy thought that Howard must have seen Kathie Lee right away but he didn't. After the flight the guy did yell something out to Frank and Kathie Lee but Frank just turned his head and gave him a nasty look.
Howard Screens Private Parts. 10/15/96.
Howard's whole trip out to California was for his movie. He got to go to Ivan Reitman's personal office and theater. He said that it's a full sized theater with a candy concession stand and everything! He watched the rough cut of the movie which is still about 2 1/2 hours long. He said it went by really quick but they're still going to cut out about 45 minutes of it. Everyone that was in the theater, about 15 people, loved the movie. Howard even said that there were 3 big time directors who watched the movie and said Howard can really act! He couldn't tell us who the directors were and that he wasn't even supposed to tell anyone that the 3 directors even saw the film. Howard has so many secrets to keep.
Mystery Guest!? 10/15/96.
Gary told Howard this morning that they'd be having a mystery guest. The guest was supposed to come in and just surprise Howard. Gary told Howard that this guest was someone that they know and that's been on the show but they've ''been at odds with each other'' lately. So even though they know the person they put on blindfolds and played their mystery guest game. The person came in and disguised his voice but it was pretty easy to figure out who it was. Howard and Robin asked a couple of questions and they knew who it was... Jay Leno! Jay just came in to give his new book a little plug. Jay and Howard haven't been at odds with each other. Gary was thinking of the last time Howard was on the Tonight Show and he brought out a couple of Lesbians. Jay wasn't too happy with Howard that night but he got over it. They discussed all of that while he was in. Jay told Howard that he was more upset with the fact that Howard plans his stuff with Letterman but not with him. Howard had an explanation for that also. He went through a whole thing about how weird Letterman is about knowing what his guests are going to do. Jay told a couple of funny stories from his book this morning. He says the book is not about The Tonight Show VS The Late Show with David Letterman. It's about the old days when he was just a simple comedian. It sounds like it may be funny. Jay's new book is called Leading With My Chin and it's available in a bookstore near you.
Who Was Robin's Last Boyfriend? 10/15/96.
Trivia question. What was the name of the last man to have sex with Robin? A first name will do...
-- Monday October 14, 1996 -- Columbus Day --
Stern Show Vacation. 10/14/96.
Columbus day vacation for the crew today. Gary was in talking to Stuttering John about the Yankees during John's air shift today but that was about it. Howard will be back live tomorrow. If you need some reading material head over to The Interactive King Of All Media Newsletter and read about the possibility of more FCC fines heading Howard's way!
-- Friday October 11, 1996 --
Jackie To Be Bedridden For A Week! 10/11/96.
Some of you may have noticed that Jackie has had a nasty cough for the past few weeks. He's been coughing up a storm throughout the whole show. Well it turns out that JokeMan has Walking Pneumonia! His doctor ordered him to stay in bed for a week. Jackie was out today and even faxed Howard his doctors note that said to stay in bed. Jackie thinks it's the Stern show that's doing it to him! Howard said that Jackie is nuts. He stays out all night doing his appearances at Rascals and other comedy stores but it's the Stern show that's killing him? Yeah right Jackie. Let's hope he's back soon... without the cough.
Jen The Breast Girl CANCELS! 10/11/96.
This girl called in yesterday and said she would be coming down to the studio today. Well she called Gary and canceled it. She gave Gary a bunch of different stories but eventually it came out that it was her boyfriend who didn't want her going on the show. What a shame..
Uh Oh! Henry Hill AGAIN! 10/11/96.
2 days in a row he's called now! Henry was up to his usual rambling this morning. He was cursing up a storm and asking Howard bizarre questions like this one: ''When you wake up at 4 in the morning, can you tell the difference between Budweiser and urine?''. I don't know why he asked that question unless he was drinking a Bud at the time. He must have been drinking something. Who wouldn't drink with a life like his? He's still upset about the hearing that he's supposed to go to today. Actually it sounded like he wasn't going to go at all. He said he wasn't going to go but that might have been a distraction for anyone who wants to kill him. Who knows... Henry was saying how he used to fix basketball games up in Boston and the next thing you know this guy calls in to yell at him. It was this guy who has called in before. His name is Joe and he wanted to set Henry straight about what he was talking about. The two of them went at it for a few minutes. Joe was calling Henry a ''Stool Pigeon'' and a liar just like the woman did yesterday. Henry was yelling back at the guy... what a show... Two gangsters yelling at each other.. A little later Henry was saying that the Yankees game is fixed for today. He said that the Yanks will win by 6 runs! It'll be interesting to see if he's right.. Whew! What a phone call!
'Guess Who's The Jew', With Kurt Waldheim Jr. 10/11/96.
Howard had some Stone Temple Pilots tickets to give away so he had Kurt Waldheim Jr. (Fred) come in to play 'Guess Who's The Jew' with a listener. Here were the choices for 'Guess Who's The Jew': Harrison Ford, Mel Gibson and Ted Danson. The listener guessed Harrison Ford and won the tickets.
Grillo Takes His IQ Test! 10/11/96.
Steve Grillo finally got to take his damn test today. He started early this morning at Howard had to wait until about 9:30 before he got to the results. At first he told Grillo that he wasn't going to give him the results until next week! Grillo was freaking out so much that Howard gave in and gave the results. Grillo averaged a 98 on the IQ test so he just comes in above retard. So Grillo is going to Puerto Rico sometime in the near future with some unnamed good looking girl. Congratulations Gunga Din!
Richard Belzer In For The News. 10/11/96.
That's the whole story! Belzer came in to plug his show Homicide on NBC. He hung out for about 25 minutes while Howard and Robin did the news. Howard was in a rush so Belz wasn't too talkative.
-- Thursday October 10, 1996 --
Morton Downey Jr. Update. 10/10/96.
Yesterday Morton was supposed to come on the show to plug some lung cancer test thing. He never showed up or called in to give an explanation. This morning there was an explanation in the newspaper. Morton showed up on some barely known TV show on FOX 5 in New York City yesterday morning during Howards show. It seems that Morton was getting back at Howard for betting on when he'd die. Good one Morton. Nobody even called Howard to tell him that Morton was on that lame show so there couldn't have been too many people watching it. I don't know what he was trying to accomplish. Howard doesn't need that loser on his show. Howard just did other stuff instead. F-Morton Downey Jr.!
Jen The Breast Girl. 10/10/96.
This girl wrote Howard to tell him that she's getting breast implants in a couple of months and she wants Howard to be the last guy to touch her natural ones. Howard called her this morning. She was telling Howard that she'll sit on his lap naked if he wants her to. She's modeled for some computer graphics company and a 3-D model of her is on some web site. If you visit the page you'll see a bunch of 3-D models in one picture. Jen says that the brown haired girl with her arms out stretched is her. She said that she posed for that and it's just like her real body! Howard had Gary hook up to the site and they checked out her picture. She's got a great body according to Howard. She's supposed to come in sometime in the very near future.. possibly tomorrow. Stay tuned!
Mary McCormack, Howard's Movie Wife, Gets Pissed! 10/10/96.
Howard was supposed to call Mary this morning so that she could plug Murder One, the TV show that she appears in. Just before Howard called her he told the audience that they shouldn't watch the TV show. He wants us to wait until his movie comes out to see what she looks like. The main reason he picked her was because she's relatively unknown. Howard called her and woke her up. He asked her if she had been listening to the show. She was sleeping so of course she wasn't listening. She knew that he had said something about the show. He told her what he had just told the audience. She was pissed. Then he started saying that he wished the show would get canceled halfway through the season or that Mary get fired from the show. Not because he doesn't like her, just because he wants her to still be unknown when his movie comes out. Eventually they got off the phone and she slammed the phone down. She was REALLY pissed.
John Bon Jovi Comes In. 10/10/96.
John came in with a new short haircut this morning. Howard said that he didn't recognize him. John is plugging this Lifebeat Benefit Concert for VH-1. John and Richie Sambora will be performing down in Washington D.C. This weekend. If you'd like to get tickets just call 212-245-3240. Howard asked John if what he'd just done to Mary McCormack was wrong. John said no so Howard had to call Mary back and straighten things out. This time he had the backing of John on his side though. I think that Howard may have calmed her down with this phone call but she's still pissed. She still wants to talk to him after the show. Howard talked to John about how much money he must be worth and about Richie Sambora's marriage to Heather Locklear. Howard had his own cool story about John also. But first one of the sales women from K-Rock had to meet John and dance for him. She was really in love with John when she came in. She did a little dancing for him and left. John loved it. So anyway Howard's story... Howard was just sitting around one day and John Bon Jovi called him out of the blue and invited him over to his apartment. Howard went over one day and just hung out with John his wife and a couple of his friends. Howard was shocked when John called. No one ever calls Howard to just hang out. John said that he doesn't have many friends either so it was just a cool thing to do. Howard was really impressed with Johns gesture of friendship. Howard said they just talked about ''things'' and hung out. Then they got out of the apartment and walked around a bit but Howard wouldn't say where they went. John was impressed with Howard's fame. John said that when Howard walks around in New York he just stops traffic. Nobody recognized John but tons of people went nuts over Howard. John is now working on another solo album and a movie so if you're a fan of his you have something to look forward toon another solo album and a movie so if you're a fan of his you have something to look forward to. John also commented on the David Lee Roth / Van Halen thing. He said that he feels sorry for Dave but the group is called Van Halen so Eddie and Alex have to be happy with what they're doing. So I guess he's not taking sides in that battle.
Oh No! It's Henry Hill AGAIN! 10/10/96.
Here we go again... Henry called in for what reason I couldn't tell you. He just calls in and starts talking about things happening in his life. Now he's got to go to some special hearing about his kid because of some of the things he said on the air the last time he called in. This time though Henry was saying how the people that are raising his kid are doing a great job. Last time it sounded like he was saying that he didn't like the way they were raising him. Henry rambled on and on about how he has to fly his sister and a bunch of other people in to testify at this hearing of his. And in another bizarre twist Henry said that he wanted to talk to Robin off the air after the show. Usually Henry seems to dislike Robin butting into his business but now he wants to speak to her off the air? Puhlease.. So while Henry was on hold giving his number to Gary some woman called in who wanted to yell at Henry. This woman's Grandfather was some mob guy who was sent to prison because of Henry. She started yelling at Henry because her Grandfather died in prison. Keep in mind that this guy was sent to prison for killing people. Henry brought up that fact but she didn't seem to care. She called Henry a ''Stool Pigeon'' because he gets to avoid jail while these other murderers die in prison. Really good reason to yell at someone on national radio.. So Howard kept the two of them on for a few minutes and they couldn't resolve anything. Eventually Henry was off the air... at least until the next time.
-- Wednesday October 9, 1996 --
Sniffing The Playmates! 10/9/96.
Two Playboy Playmates, Tina Bockroth and Carrie Ann Wescott, were in this morning plugging some ''Kiss Across America'' Playboy special. Howard had an idea for a little game. He wanted to sniff the girls to see if they were on their periods! First Howard had to find out about these beauties. Tina is married and Terry Ann has DD breasts which were bursting out of her top according to Howard and Robin. After a little bit of talking Howard moved on to the sniffing game. Howard was sniffing one of their stomachs and he started to kiss her. Robin told him to stop but he said that he wasn't doing anything wrong. Howard said that Jackie had his face in one of the girls cleavage. Jackie denied that saying he didn't need any trouble from his wife. Fred was sniffing the girls breath to figure out the period thing! What a Martian... Jackie said Tina:YES Carrie:NO, Fred said that neither of them were on their periods and Howard also said that neither were on it. Well Fred and Howard were correct but Carrie said she's due today. The next contest was 'Which Girls Swallow?'. It turned out that Carrie does quite often but Tina doesn't. And the NEXT game was 'Who does the third input?' Carrie said that she does it to please her man and Tina doesn't do it anymore although she has done it in the past. Wow... So if you want to see what these women look like just pull out your archives and look up Carrie Ann in the September 1993 issue of Playboy and Tina in the May 1990 issue.
Tiny Tim Calls In. 10/9/96.
Tiny Tim called in this morning to let all his fans know that he's okay for now. He had a heart attack recently and just got out of the hospital last week. Tiny described his horrible experience to Howard. Tiny said that he hadn't eaten anything in 37 hours when he had his heart attack. Tiny doesn't like to use bathrooms unless he's able to wash himself afterwords. That's why he didn't eat or drink before his appearance. Tiny had just introduced someone and was in the process of walking off stage when he said the whole room started spinning and he just fell flat on his face, crushing his ukelele. Tiny said that the doctors wanted to check his heart out a bit but he didn't want anything opened up on him. The doctors give Tiny 1 to 3 years to live. Tiny is fine with that. He said that he's had a great life. He doesn't want to die but if it happens, it happens. After Tiny's phone call Dominic Barbara called in to take bets on when Tiny will die.. They didn't do the betting at that time but maybe they'll do it some other time.
Morton Downey A No Show! 10/9/96.
Early this morning Howard announced that Morton Downey would be coming in to talk about his cancer again. Well Morton never showed and didn't call in to say where he was. It was probably a scam that Morton threw together to get back at Howard for betting on when he'd die. Morton has been bad mouthing Howard on other shows lately because of that betting thing and I can't imagine why he'd come on the show again. Maybe we'll find something out tomorrow.
-- Tuesday October 8, 1996 --
Dr. Ruth Comes In. 10/8/96.
The oh so short Dr. Ruth was in this morning to plug some stuff that she's doing. She's got a book coming out or is out whatever the hell it is. She also had some Lifestyles studded condom with her to show Howard. Dr. Ruth was plugging these condoms for some reason. She also plugged her web site while she was there. She was plugging a book that she and some other guy have written called The Value of Family, A Blueprint For The 20th Century. Howard was asking her advice on sex and of course he was getting censored by Tom Chiusano. The show was so choppy that the answers to his questions were barely heard. What a mess...
Slow Day On The Stern Show. 10/8/96.
You know when Dr. Ruth is the big story for the day that there wasn't much happening on the show. Howard replayed Norm MacDonald's appearance as Bob Dole from last week to use up some spare time this morning. He also went on a tirade about Snapple now that Quaker Oats has taken over. Robin brought up the subject and Howard told the story about how Snapple stopped advertising on the show after Quaker Oats bought out the company for $1.7 Billion! Very slow show today...
No Test For Grillo Today. 10/8/96.
Steve didn't take his test today but it should be sometime in the near future. Some very cryptic things were said this morning about someone in Grillo's family threatening to kick Howards ass or something like that. Grillo said that he didn't want it mentioned on the air but you know Howard.. can't keep his mouth shut!
Grillo Finally Getting Paid! 10/8/96.
We did find out one interesting thing about Steve today. He's finally getting paid to do his job. I guess that means that he's no longer an intern... or is he now considered a 'paid intern'? Whatever, he's making money now to get Howard's lunch.
-- Monday October 7, 1996 --
Live From Hong Kong... Sting! 10/7/96.
Very early this morning Howard had Sting on satellite live from Hong Kong. Sting is out on tour over there and came on to sing a few songs. He did some new song first and then did a few older Police songs for Howard. Everything sounded great. None of that K-Rock crappy sounding stuff this time. It sounded like they were playing the song directly off a CD but it was definitely live. Howard didn't have Sting on too long though. He must be out promoting on other stations or something.
Listener Changes Daniel Karver's Answering Machine Message. 10/7/96.
Some answering machine hacker hacked his way into Daniel Karver's answering machine and changed the message. Daniel is a member of the KKK down in Georgia. Howard plays his messages on the air and goofs on them once in a while. Daniel is best known for his opening line ''Wake up white people..'' so this listener changed the message to ''go to sleep white people''. He basically just made the KKK message the opposite of what it usually is. This hacker said that he's done this with a few celebrities answering machines. Daniel also said that this wasn't the first time someone has done this on his machine.
Steve Grillo's Intelligence Test. 10/7/96.
Howard wanted to see just how dumb Steve Grillo, Gunga Din, really is. He had Gary get an intelligence test so they could test Steve on the air. Steve didn't want any part of it of course but Howard made him sit through a few questions. There were a bunch of definitions that Steve got but he did get a few wrong. All of the questions were multiple choice so it could have been easy. The math section was pretty easy. It was like ''What is 7642 - 4905?'' in the addition section. He didn't get to division or addition though. Howard wants Steve to sit down and do this test all the way through tomorrow. Steve kicked and screamed that he wasn't going to do it at all. After Steve left the studio Bloated Attorney, Dominic Barbara, called in to make Steve an offer. He offered Steve a 10 day stay in his personal villa right on the beach if he got a passing grade. Steve came back into the studio and agreed to the offer. He should be taking the test tomorrow...stay tuned!
-- Friday October 4, 1996 --
Stuttering John Questions Dom Deluise. 10/4/96.
Stuttering John was out somewhere yesterday and got to question Dom Deluise. The first question out of his mouth was ''Where were you when Burt Convey died''. Dom was good friends with Burt and was a little freaked out by the question. He asked John if he expected him to answer. John, with a smile, said ''yes''. Well Dom really freaked out and just stared at John for a few seconds. John just said ''how ya doin' Dom?'' and the next thing you know John is getting thrown out. John yelled one more question as he was being dragged out.. '' Dom, have you ever eaten a salad?...'' Dom told John that he was going to shove his microphones up his nose and that was that. Boy is Dom Deluise uptight or what?
Howard Goes Off On Mancow. 10/4/96.
A listener brought up Mancows name this morning and Howard just went nuts talking about the loser. Ever since Howard went back on the FM station in Chicago Mancow hasn't mentioned his name. Well Howard decided to play promos on the Chicago station just about begging Mancow to talk about him. Mancow used to talk about Howard when he was kicked off the first couple of FM stations but now he's taken a vow of silence or something. Howard played the promos for everyone this morning. Mancow knows he's going down and it's just a matter of a few ratings books...just wait.
George Steinbrenner Calls In. 10/4/96.
Yankees owner George Steinbrenner called in to talk to Howard this morning. Howard congratulated George about winning last night. Howard asked him about the Roberto Alomar spitting on the Umpire incident. Steinbrenner said he's taking the umpires side on this one. He thinks that spitting on anyone is wrong and he should be punished. George said that if this guy was on his team he would have been suspended. Good for George. George answered a few more questions and seemed to enjoy talking to Howard.
Elizabeth Berkeley Comes In To Visit. 10/4/96.
You may remember Elizabeth from Saved By The Bell on TV or maybe from Showgirls, the stripper movie that flopped. Elizabeth came in today to hang out and plug The First Wives Club in which she appears with Goldie Hawn and Bette Midler. Elizabeth is a big fan of the show and really wanted to visit Howard while she was in New York. Howard was all sexed up with Elizabeth in the studio. He was telling her how he'd like her to service him and how gorgeous she was. Even though Showgirls flopped Howard thinks that it was a good career move for Elizabeth. There was so much controversy surrounding the movie that it got her tons of attention. She agreed with Howard. Now she gets better parts like in The First Wives Club and other films that she's working in. Howard brought up the tv show that Elizabeth used to be in, Saved By The Bell. He said that he's pleased himself to that show because the young girls were so cute. Elizabeth told Howard that she was only 15 when she did that show. Gary came in and said that he'd done the same thing but now felt dirty because the girls were so young. Howard was really drooling over this girl. She's 5'10 ½'', thin, 23 years old and has big breasts... perfect for Howard. She's not quite as interested in him but she does like him quite a bit. Just before she left Howard asked her for a kiss. She said she couldn't but would hug him. She came over and hugged him and actually did give him a couple of quick pecks. She did get him on the lips because she left some of her lip gloss on him. It seems like Howard gets hornier and hornier with every good looking woman that comes in! Even after the commercial break after she left Howard was rubbing himself. Apparently during the commercial break Robin had come into the studio to try to break up the sex talk that was going on between Jackie and Howard. She tried to tell Howard that Elizabeth wasn't so great and that her breasts were fake and her hair looked bad but it didn't work. Howard was really worked up by this girl. Can't wait to see it on E!
-- Thursday October 3, 1996 --
Grillo Asks Questions At Johnny Cochran Book Signing. 10/3/96.
Steve Grillo was out at Johnny Cochran's book signing yesterday to ask some questions. He started off asking people waiting in line some wacky questions. He said that most of the people were black. Howard said that he was curious to see what kind of ''mutants'' would be in that line so on his way to a meeting yesterday he had his limo drive him by the book store. He said that maybe 1 out of 30 people was white and there were about 100 people waiting outside the store. Grillo was asking some of the people why they were there. One woman said she was there to get Johnny Carson's autograph! Some guy got into the book store and started yelling questions to Johnny but it wasn't Grillo. It was some black guy who thinks that OJ is guilty. This guy called in later in the show to tell his story. It wasn't much of a story though. Grillo did get to ask Cochran a question or two. One was ''Are you a Clinton Man'' and ''Why should we believe what's in this book?'' but one of Howard's favorite question's was ''Johnny...do you have Windows 95?''. Johnny just ignored Grillo the fool. So that was it for Cochran but Grillo went to K-Mart to interview Kathy Ireland. He didn't get many questions in though. Here's what he asked ''Are you comfortable with the fact that men have sex with your image?'' She said no. ''Do you ever pose for pictures when you're having your period?'' got Grillo kicked right out of the store. Grillo said she had a look of terror on her face when he asked that one. That was it for Grillo today.
Miss America To Be Released As Paperback! 10/3/96.
Howard mentioned this morning that his number one best seller Miss America will be released in paperback form on October 16th. He said that there's a new front cover but there is no picture on the back cover like there was with the hard cover. Look for it in a store near you.
Geraldo Rivera Comes In. 10/3/96.
Geraldo came in to plug his tv shows and his interview with Mark Furman one year after the OJ verdict. Howard and Geraldo talked for a little bit about such things as Geraldo's helicopter service and his commuting to work on a boat. Not much worth mentioning here though. Kind of dull stuff.
Fred Drops Out of Charity Event! 10/3/96.
Now this is more entertaining. Fred was booked to do some charity event with his band, King Norris. Well Crackhead Bob was also booked for the gig. Yesterday Fred backed out of the gig and the guy who's running the event called in this morning to yell about it. This guy said that it was pretty sad that Fred was dropping out because Crackhead Bob was going to be at the event. He thinks that Fred just didn't want to be upstaged by Bob. Fred denied that accusation and said that it was because he was booked for another appearance that same day. Well this guy said he just wanted Howard to know what Fred was really like. After he got off the phone Fred finally admitted that it may have a little something to do with Crackhead Bob. Fred just doesn't want to do a traveling Howard Stern Show so he canceled his booking. He's still a nut. Fred is so weird in the way he thinks... It must be that Martian thing.
Stuttering John's Television Acting Debut. 10/3/96.
During his air shift today on K-Rock Stuttering John said that he will be in an upcoming episode of Wings, an NBC TV show. John said that he'll be playing a ''dweebie guy who yells at his mother a lot''. He said that he's in about half of the show and that it's a really good show. It'll air sometime in November. Keep an eye out for it!
-- Wednesday October 2, 1996 --
Just How Many Women Has Howard Slept With? 10/2/96.
That was the big question this morning. In the past Howard has led everyone to believe that he wasn't very good with the women. Well today Howard figured out that he didn't do too bad. He estimates that he slept with 20 women before getting married. Robin was arguing with him over it so he had to prove it. Howard called his old buddy Dr. Lew Weinstein. Dr Lew said that some of the girls that Howard got were about an 8 or a 9 on a scale of 1 to 10. That didn't help the argument much. Howard said that in one summer at camp he slept with about 7 or 8 girls in a 9 week period of time. This was unbelievable to everyone listening. Plus, Howard said, he was almost fired from being a camp counselors because of it! His story was still unbelievable so Howard got in touch with his old boss from camp, Woody. Woody got on the phone and backed up Howards claim by telling Robin that Howard was almost fired because he had sex with ''...8 to 10 camp counselors...''. Woody said that Howard was like a rabbit that summer! I don't know if Robin believes Howard now or not but it sure sounded convincing to me!
Name That Caucasian. 10/2/96.
This was another game put together by the Stern show this morning. In this game Howard, Robin, Fred and Jackie all put blindfolds on while 3 men entered the studio. 2 black guys and one white guy. Howard, Robin, Fred and Jackie had to question the guys and try to guess who the white guy was. The rules were kind of rough so it was a little confusing. For each person that one of the guys fooled he would get $100. Each of the 3 guys sounded white so the game wasn't that easy. Howard asked question such as ''do you know what Jeri curl is?'' and ''who are the 5 percenters?''. No one could really give a good answer for any of the 'black' questions that he asked. Fred asked some questions then Robin then Jackie. Then it was time to guess. Howard chose number 2. Robin, Jackie and Fred all chose number 1. Well Howard was correct. Number 2 was the white guy although he must have been pretty dark because Howards reaction was ''..YOU'RE WHITE?'' He turned out to be Italian. Number one was raised in a neighborhood where he picked up the 'white' speech pattern. They ended up playing another round a little later in the show. This time Robin picked the correct Caucasian. Howard, Fred and Jackie all chose the wrong one.
Henry Hill Calls Once Again! 10/2/96.
Henry was on the phone once again today. Grillo told Howard that Henry was drunk but when he picked up the phone Henry said that he wasn't drunk. He did sound a tiny bit drunk but who knows... He was telling Howard about where he buried bodies again. He said that there's a few bodies buried under a boccie court on Lefferts Blvd behind some bar. Spider, Remo, Paulie the geek and Frankie are buried there.. whoever the hell they are. Henry said that he didn't kill them, some other guy did it. They threw some lime on the bodies so there may not be anything left of them. So anyway, Howard got to asking Henry about drinking again. Howard said something about Jack Daniels and Henry said ''...I'm not drinking Dack Janiels..''! Well what the heck IS he drinking? Who knows? Then Howard asked him why he called. Henry called because he needed some advice. Henry said that he wanted to go on dial-a-date. Howard told him that if he's having woman problems the easiest thing to do is ''Become a Faeg''.. Then he'd be known as 'Henry the faeg'. Henry needed some advice on being a single parent also. Henry is going to try to raise his 7 year old son by himself. Henry got in trouble the last time he was on with the people that are raising his son. He wasn't very clear on the subject but he wanted to clear it up...whatever ''it'' was. He's very cryptic when he speaks. He did say that the people raising his son are black. Maybe he doesn't want them raising his white kid? Who knows.
Tiny Tim Update! 10/2/96.
Tiny Tim's manager, Gil Moss, called in this morning to relay a message to Howard and all of Tiny's fans. Gil said that Tiny wants all his fans to know that he's going to be okay. Well that is if he doesn't die from another heart attack. Gil said that Tiny wont let the Doctors do an angiogram on him so they wont know the full damage done by the heart attack that he just had. Tiny is a very stubborn man and it may take his life. Tiny should be out of the hospital in the next day or two and Howard will be talking to him then.
-- Tuesday October 1, 1996 --
Shannon, the woman who likes to swallow... 10/1/96.
The other day Howard was talking about how his wife doesn't like to swallow. This led to a phone call from a listener who said that she enjoys doing that with her husband. She said that she was really good looking so Howard invited her down to the studio to meet her. She came in this morning. Well according to Howard she wasn't lying about her looks. She really turned out to be good looking! So Howard and the gang talked to her about what she does and why she likes it. He husband eventually came into the studio also. She said that her husband was 'Perfect' so Robin said that she'd like to see just what 'Perfect' is. Well when he walked into the studio Robin said ''Oh.. I had no idea that's what perfect was...'' I guess she wasn't too impressed. As usual with racy content the delay button was being hit quite a bit during the interview so it was chopped up a bit. We can thank Tom Chiusano for that. A little later in the show Howard's wife Allison called in to talk about this swallowing thing. According to Howard she's only swallowed one time. Allison agreed to try it more in the future.
Crackhead Bob out takes from his F-Emmy Rules reading. 10/1/96.
Howard was playing some of the out takes from when Crackhead Bob was recording his reading of the rules from last week. The tapes had Gary feeding lines to Bob and Bob trying to repeat them. What a hassle that was. Poor Bob doesn't remember more than a word or 3 at a time and if he thinks something is funny it really messes him up. If he laughs after a line is fed to him he can't remember anything for about 5 seconds. So in the words of Bob... ''Bdon't bdo bdack!...and dhat too''
Does Howard have hair implants? 10/1/96.
According to an article in one of the national tabloids Howard is losing his hair and has gone to some place to have implants done. Robin read the article during the news today and Howard denied the whole thing. He says that the hair on his head is his own and he doesn't have any implants. While Howard was arguing about the whole thing a listener called in who said that he knows someone who actually did the implants on Howard. Howard told the guy to come down to see for himself whether his hair is his or not. Howard did admit to going to someplace to have his hair treated because it was damaged by the blue streaks he had a while back.

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