Mark's Friggin' Stern Show News

Howard Stern Show News Archives. November 1996

-- Friday November 29, 1996 --

Happy (day after) Thanksgiving! 11/27/96.
Howard is on vacation until next Monday. To give you something to read though, here's a description of the new studio written by the first guest Howard had in:
''Here is the inside scoop on the new studio. I am sure that it will look great on E! We'll find out soon enough. Howard sits at a big console with posters of his paperback cover behind him. Jackie is immediately to his left, and Fred is to Jackie's left. The guests sit to Howard's right at a long table with 4 microphones. Howard has to turn sideways to talk to the guests, and the guests can't even see Jackie or Fred, a fact which Jackie is already complaining about (believe me I sat there and you can't see past Howard to those guys. Robin sits facing all of these seats, about 10 or 15 feet across the room in a huge booth the size of the whole old studio. Further from Howard, past where the guests sit, is a small stage (when I was there, it was full of junk). In the middle of the room, between Robin's booth and the rest of them, is a lot of open space. The ceiling is literally covered with lights and cameras. These are not the puny cameras from the old studios. I'm talking David Letterman size TV cameras. Except rather than being on stands, they are in tracks on the ceiling and were moving the whole time that I was there. It was actually very distracting. The other problem is the ceiling is only about 9 feet high, so Howard is right that someone is going to get clocked by those cameras. There is also a little monitor RIGHT in front of Howard's face. It is a closed circuit camera to Jackie's notepad. Jackie wrote lots of stuff on it while I was there. Howard looked at each one, but didn't use any. There is also a computer screen which I could not see, on which gary can type to Howard to tell him who is on the phone and stuff. While I was waiting to go on (about 1 hour) the guys in the office were sending him useless messages about every topic he mentioned. I think it made them feel like they were on the air with him or something."
-- Thursday November 28, 1996 --
Happy Thanksgiving! 11/27/96.
Howard is on vacation until next Monday.
-- Wednesday November 27, 1996 --
Michael, The Naomi Campbell Stalker. 11/27/96. 6:55am
This guy called in early this morning and told Howard that he was the guy who waits for Supermodel Naomi Campbell in front of her apartment building. Howard invited him down to the studio to see what he looks like. He came down really quick. He must have been right around the corner. He told Howard how he met Naomi right in front of her apartment building. He doesn't call it stalking of course. He thinks he's just an admirer. He must not be a very good looking guy because Robin's reaction when he walked in was pretty bad. Naomi eventually got a restraining order against this guy. He says that he'd never hurt her because he thinks she's so beautiful. This guy still thinks that Naomi likes him but was forced into signing that restraining order by her boyfriend. He said that he could tell by her signature on the restraining order that she did it reluctantly. At one point in the interview a woman claiming to be Naomi called in and had a little conversation with this guy. It turned out to be a friend of the show who was putting the guy on. He couldn't tell that it was a fake though. Howard did it to prove a point to the guy. The guy thinks he knows Naomi really well but he couldn't recognize that it wasn't her on the phone. The guy was spooked by something during the interview because when he was leaving he didn't say a word when Howard was saying goodbye. Weird guy.
Ralph's Lie Detector Test. 11/27/96. 7:40am
On Monday Howard decided that he'd give Ralph a lie detector test to find out if he's really gay or not. Today the polygraph was set to test but Ralph wasn't. When Ralph showed up this morning he refused to take the test. He said it's not that he's gay, he just didn't want to humiliate himself by taking the test. Eventually Ralph said that he wanted money to take the test. Howard offered to pay whatever Ralph wanted but Ralph didn't want Howard to pay for it. He wanted some other sucker to give him $5,000! Robin offered to pay $1,000 as did Tom Chiusano. Tom gave Ralph a check right there for $1,000 and made out to ''Ralph Homo Cirella''. Then Howard chipped in $700 in cash. The final cash count was up to around $3,000 after the E! crew chipped in some money. Ralph finally agreed to take the test. What a dick. So they finally got to the questioning. They took Ralph into another room where it was a little quieter. Ed the polygraph guy hooked up Ralph and began questioning. Howard also asked some of the questions. Here are some of them:
- Is your first name Ralph? [YES]
- Is your last name Cirella? [YES]
- Are you now 31 years of age? [YES]
- Do you like sitting next to a man watching romantic movies? [NO]
- Do you ever look at a man and wonder if he's a good kisser? [NO]
- Have you ever kissed a man with an open mouth? [NO]
- Would you ever be able to touch a naked mans buttocks and not get excited? [YES]
- Do pictures of naked women bore you? [NO]
- Are you a FAEG? [NO]
- Are you a bi-sexual? [NO]
- When you move your bowels do you ever wish that you were going in reverse? [NO]
- Have you ever pleasured yourself while thinking about a man? [NO]
- Have you ever had sexual thoughts about Howard Stern? [NO]
- Have you ever had sexual thoughts about Jackie The JokeMan? [NO]
- Have you ever had sexual thoughts about Trent Resnor? [NO]
- Have you ever had sexual thoughts about Danny Goldberg? [YES]
- Have you ever had sexual thoughts about Brad Pitt? [NO]
- Have you ever looked into another man's butt cheeks? [NO]
- Are you gay? [NO]
That was most of the questioning. Ed the polygraph guy repeated a few of the questions to confirm the answers. A little while later he had the results of the test... According to Ed, Ralph WAS deceptive during the test. That means that Ralph IS A FAEG!!! .. at least if you believe in lie detector tests. Ralph scored a -53 on the test! Even O.J. Simpson scored better on his lie detector test! O.J. Had a -22 on his test after the murder of Nicole and Ron! Howard said that he wanted Ralph to be re-tested. He firmly believes that Ralph IS NOT gay. Nobody wanted to let him be re-tested so it didn't happen today. It might happen next week though. Howard's movie wife, Mary McCormack was in the studio this morning also and she was betting on Ralph being bi-sexual. She may be right. The question about Brad Pitt made the lie detector just about fly off the chart! That means that when Ralph answered 'no' he was being deceptive. Ralph says that he thinks Brad Pitt is a good looking guy but he's not attracted to him. Howard asked Ed what the worst test score ever was. Ed said the worst one was a -60! Ralph must have been lying his ass off. One good thin was that Ralph didn't lie about his name and age... Ralph is in for some heavy abuse from now on. Not for being gay, just for lying about it!
Stone Temple Pilots Comes In. 11/27/96. 9:10am
Stone Temple Pilots came in for their second visit to the Stern Show. They were in earlier this year just before Scott Weyland went into his drug treatment program. Scott told his story of drug abuse and recovery. After interviewing the guys for a little while Howard decided to have them play a couple of tunes. I guess Scott's voice was okay today because yesterday it was questionable whether or not they'd be singing today. They did acoustic versions of Seven Caged Tigers and Dancing Days. The new studio does wonders for bands that come in. These guys sounded great today. Their current album Tiny Music Songs From The Vatican Gift Shop is out there in a record store near you.
Scott DePace Takes Gay Lie Detector Test. 11/27/96. 10:00am
Scott DePace works on the E! show. His sexuality has been questioned in the past so Howard had him take the same test as Ralph. Scott passed his test. He wasn't deceptive during his. Only one question went off the scales with Scott. It was something about sailors which started him laughing. The laughing may have screwed up that question.
-- Tuesday November 26, 1996 --
Tomorrow, Stone Temple Pilots! 11/26/96.
Stone Temple Pilots are coming in tomorrow but don't count on hearing them play anything. It all depends on how Scott Weyland's voice is tomorrow morning. Gary found out that because of the time of morning he may not be willing to sing. I'd just throw their asses out of the studio if they don't sing. Why have them in if they're not going to sing? We'll see...
TV Theme Song Game. 11/26/96.
Howard has been doing commercials for some Television's Greatest Hits thing lately. He decided to play a little game with it. This morning he decided to play some of the TV theme songs and see who could guess them correctly. There are tons of theme songs to choose from. There's like 4 CD's full of these themes and here are the ones that they guessed at and who guessed them correctly.
1. Late Show with David Letterman (Everyone)
2. Saved By The Bell (Howard)
3. Wings (Nobody)
4. Who's The Boss (Fred)
5. Moonlighting (Fred)
6. Family Feud (Fred)
7. The Price Is Right (Howard)
8. Lifestyles Of The Rich And Famous (Howard)
9. Blossom (Robin)
10. Family Affair (Fred)
11. The Flying Nun (Fred)
12. The Six Million Dollar Man (Howard)
13. Home Improvement (Robin)
14. Twin Peaks (Robin)
15. Carol Burnett Show (Fred)
And that was that. Not much of a game but it was interesting to hear all of those old sucky theme songs.
Howard Yells At Reporter In San Francisco. 11/26/96.
Some reporter recently reported on how Howard was a hypocrite because he was reading commercials for a Mike Tyson fight. There was more to the story but I don't know all of the details. Howard found out which paper the reporter works for and looked at some of the advertisers who advertise in there. He found some porno stuff and crap like that. This morning Howard got the guy on the phone and pointed out the reporters own hypocrisy. Eventually the guy seemed to get Howard's point. Howard just kept pounding it into this guys head how he should look at his own life before reporting on someone else's.
-- Monday November 25, 1996 --
What The Hell Happened On Friday? 11/25/96.
Last Friday Howard was out. There was no warning that they'd be playing Best Of so many people wondered what happened. Some people thought that Howard quit or was fired. Well it wasn't that serious. Howard had to film some last minute stuff for his movie. Howard said that he didn't tell the audience because he didn't want people showing up at the set and disrupting the filming. He was down in Washington D.C. doing some of the stuff and up here for other minor pieces of the movie. He said it was just things like him getting in and out of cars and crap like that. No big deal... Whew!
Is Ralph Gay, Bi-Sexual Or Heterosexual? 11/25/96.
This was a pretty big topic this morning. Howard swears that Ralph is straight. Some other people say that Ralph has to be at least bi-sexual if not totally homosexual. Ralph acts kind of gay but Howard swears that he knows that Ralph is totally into women. One listener called in later in the show and suggested that they run a lie detector test on Ralph. Howard thought it was a great idea so that'll be coming up sometime this week. That listener actually called in to ask why Ralph wasn't on the show anymore. Howard said that Ralph just isn't doing his hair anymore. He's now a set designer for E! or something like that. Stay tuned for more info on that lie detector test.
Howard To Broadcast From Florida? 11/25/96.
While Howard and Robin were sitting around their trailer down in Washington D.C. This weekend. Robin came up with a great idea. She told Howard that they should broadcast from Florida part of the year and from New York the rest of the year. Howard thinks this is a great idea and he said he wants to get things in motion to make that happen. Howard thinks they could go down to Florida to one of the affiliates and broadcast from one of their studios from November to March and do the rest of the year at his new studio which would gather dust during the winter months. Don't count on this ever happening but anything's possible.
-- Friday November 22, 1996 --
No Live Show Today... 11/22/96.
To my surprise I woke up to The Best Of Stern this morning. I don't know why it was Best Of today. There's no holiday today unless it's some Jewish thing... Anyone have a clue? I think Howard will be back next week because he's got Stone Temple Pilots scheduled for next Wednesday. Maybe he's sick today... This sucks!
-- Thursday November 21, 1996 --
Roger Ebert Drops In. 11/21/96.
Roger is also known as the fat guy from Siskel and Ebert. He was in this morning to plug his book Roger Ebert's Book of Film. He and Howard talked about movies and Roger's book. Howard laid off the fat jokes today because he wants Roger to give Private Parts a good review. He hardly even mentioned Roger's black wife! Usually Howard spends most of the interview making fun of Rogers weight and questioning him about being married to a black woman. Quite a change. Roger was telling Howard how theater owners save money by turning down wattage on their projector bulbs. He said that's why some movies you see look like they were shot in the middle of the night. He said the bulbs in the projectors cost about $3,000 so they extend the life span by turning down the wattage. Howard cares because he wants people to be able to see his movie the way they're supposed to. Howard eventually told Roger why he was being so nice. He also told Roger that if he gave the movie a bad review he wouldn't be allowed back on the show...ever.
Bush Plays Live In The New Studio. 11/21/96.
Alternative rock band Bush came in this morning to play a couple of songs in Howard's brand spanking new studio. Luckily they had come in last night to do a sound check. Howard started off by bringing in the women who called in yesterday. They were a mini audience for the band. 2 of the women were there to take their tops off for the band. Howard said they were pretty hot. Some of them must have been a little heavy.. at least from what Howard was saying. One woman was wearing a bad wig.. possibly a disguise. She's an intern there at the studio, maybe she didn't want to make a fool of herself. I don't think it worked. Howard took a break, then brought in the band. Howard talked to the band for a few minutes, took another break and finally the band got to play. The first song, Machine Head, was off of their last album ''Sixteen Stone''. There was a little bit of a stumble at the beginning of the song but after that it sounded a million times better than any live stuff from the old studio. The second song was Swallowed which is the number one alternative single in the U.S. Their new CD, ''Razor blade Suitcase'' was just released today. That one sounded pretty good too. Maybe it WAS worth moving into the new studio! It's about time. Robin was really into the song and the way the lead singer plays his guitar. I think Robin was more turned on than the other women in the studio. After the band left Robin said that she saw the lead singer playing with himself after one of the songs. Howard missed it for some reason. In my opinion this was the best musical group appearance on the Stern show in a long time.
Arnold Schwartzenegger Calls In. 11/21/96.
Whenever Arnold has a new movie coming out he gives Howard a call.. So obviously he's got one coming out soon. This time it's Jingle All The Way in which Arnold plays a guy who has to get his kid some really popular toy shortly before Christmas. Sinbad co-stars in the movie. Howard talked to Arnold for a couple of minutes about the movie. That was about it though. Not much of an interview.
-- Wednesday November 20, 1996 --
Tomorrow... Bush Plays Live! 11/20/96.
Bush will be playing 2 songs live in Howard's new studio tomorrow so Howard decided to invite some young women down to dance and scream. At first Howard said that he wanted a bunch of 15 year old girls to come down. Later Howard found out that Tom wont allow minors down to the studio without a parent or guardian. Howard then told Gary to take calls from legal women. By 10:30 they had about 14 women lined up to come down half naked to scream and strip for Bush. They said about 3 of them will probably show up out of the 14. Should be another interesting show tomorrow.
1-800-44-STERN... New Phone Number! 11/20/96.
800-44-STERN is now a single toll free phone number for the whole United States. No longer will every Stern station need their own 800 number. Howard did say that the number may change when he gets something better. Maybe something like 800-HALF-JEW or 800-PECKER-HEAD. Tom wont approve anything that may be controversial.
Tim Allen Comes In To Plug His Book. 11/20/96.
TV star Tim Allen was in once again today. This time to plug his book I'm Not Really Here. Tim and Howard discussed movie making and how they can't cheat on their wives after being married so long. They also talked about the announcement that Pamela Lee and Tommy Lee are getting a divorce. Pamela used to be the ToolTime girl on Home Improvement when that show first started out. Tim feels sorry for Pam because she's such a ''sweet'' girl. Tim's publicist is also Pam's. She came in late in the interview to say that Pam's breakup is because of ''irreconcilable differences''. This woman is also Jim Carrey's publicist. Howard was wondering if maybe she's a jinx for her clients marriages. She, of course, said she's not.
Woman Farts On Phone For Howard. 11/20/96.
Yesterday Howard wanted a woman caller to fart on the phone for him. She wouldn't do it so a guy called in a little later and did it. Today a woman volunteered to rip a couple on the phone for Howard. This woman claims that she can do it whenever she wants to. She does it for her kids all the time. She said that she's been in the studio before and she's pretty cute. Howard said that he remembered her, so did Robin. So the woman put the phone up to her ass and ripped one. It sounded like one that Howard would do. It almost sounded fake, but it wasn't. It was pretty disgusting. She ended up farting about 6 times so Howard invited her down to the studio to demonstrate in person. She should be coming in the near future, possibly next Monday. It should be an interesting show when she shows up. She says that she can do a little dance while she farts. Howard calls it the Hiney Dance. Can't wait...
James Doohan, Mr. Scott From Star Trek, Comes In. 11/20/96.
76 year old James Doohan who played Mr. Scott on Star Trek came in to plug his book this morning. Doohan, who doesn't really have a Scottish accent, now has a book called ''Beam Me Up Scotty''. Howard was hoping that James would rag on William Shatner like all the other Star Trek members do. James said a couple of things about Shatner but his wife doesn't like when he does it so he keeps it to a minimum. It turns out that James is a war hero. He fought in World War 2 and was actually shot 8 times by a machine gun! He lost a finger because of that but a sterling silver cigarette case saved his life. James also told Howard that he married his second wife when he was 50 and she was 18! WOW! Got himself a young one! Sounds like he's had an interesting life.
-- Tuesday November 19, 1996 --
Cheap Trick, First Band To Play In The New Studio! 11/19/96.
Cheap Trick came in this morning to be the first musical group to play live in Howard's new studio. They've just released a new box set, ''Sex America Cheap'', of 4 CD's filled with unreleased songs and hits. They were in to plug it of course. They came in and hung out for a little while. Howard heard a story about how one of the guys beat up Slash from Guns and Roses. Rick told a story about how he had to beat Slash's ass when Slash took a swing at him one time. It was before Guns was popular so they were hanging out at Ricks house partying. Both Slash and Rick were very drunk at the time so it was probably just a stupid fight but Rick said he beat the crap out of Slash. The band was playing acoustic today. The first song they did was I want you to want me. Everything sounds much better at the new studio but it still wasn't perfect. Ain't that ashame was the next song they did. They were short a drummer this morning because he's teaching some class or something in Pennsylvania. They did sound good even without a drummer. They also did Surrender, Day Tripper and Howard did his own song to the tune of I want you to want me called It's Tough Being Howie which was pretty damn funny. Cheap Trick will also be on Howard's movie soundtrack album. They'll also have a new album coming out around the same time as Howard's movie. Howard asked them about one other thing, their only number one song, The Flame. Howard heard that they hate that song. It turns out that didn't write that song. It was sent to them as a demo tape and Rick took the tape out of the tape player and smashed it at one time. They eventually released it and it became their biggest hit ever. Maybe they're upset because they didn't write the song themselves.
Howard's Ass, Continued. 11/19/96.
Howard spent some more time talking about his butt problem today. He spent a good portion of the day talking about it. A good portion of what he was talking about was censored by Tom as usual. I don't know why Howard bothers talking about this crap when Tom just destroys the continuity. I couldn't even concentrate on what was going on half the time. I'll listen to it again and see if there's anything worth mentioning...
-- Monday November 18, 1996 --
The New Studio. 11/18/96.
''...so how's the new studio Howard?'' said Fran Shea, ''...it blows, there's about a million problems..'' Howard responded. That basically sums up Howard's response to the new studio this morning. First of all they don't have a fax machine hooked up so Gary can't fax anything to any of the affiliates. They're still working on getting all of the equipment working correctly and the E! camera angles are all wrong. The color of the studio is also wrong as we learned later in the show. Howard was getting more and more aggravated as the morning went along. He was freaking out on everyone from the E! crew to Tom Chiusano. It wasn't really a surprise though. The new address for the station is below:
Howard's First Guest. 11/18/96.
Last week Howard told Gary that he wanted to have an audience in the studio for the first show. Well Gary thought that Howard was joking so he didn't set anything up. They have enough room for an audience of at least 20 people. Howard wasn't too upset about not having the audience but one man made his way down to the studio. Gary told Howard that this guy just walked into the building, asked security what floor to go to and walked right in to Gary's office! He told Gary that he wanted to see the show. He didn't really do anything wrong since security should have stopped him from getting up there. So the guy came in and talked to Howard for a minute. He didn't stay for too long because he had to get back to school or something.
Goofing On Gilbert Gottfried. 11/18/96.
Howard spent some time making fun of Gilbert Gottfried this morning. He's been saving an article about Gilbert since June. The article was about how Gilbert bombed at some appearance he was at. Howard found it really funny so he made fun of Gilbert for about ½ an hour. Gary got Gilbert on the phone about halfway through. Gilbert doesn't mind getting goofed on for some reason. He just rolls with it and enjoys the abuse.
Howard Tries Tucks For His Butt. 11/18/96.
Now that Howard has his own personal bathroom in the studio he can not only take a leak privately but also do more stuff on the air from the bathroom. He was talking about how his butt stinks after he doots. Stuttering John told Howard that he uses Tucks medicated wipes for his ''clean up'' after going to the bathroom. Tucks are for hemorrhoids but John uses them like baby wipes. Howard said that he didn't think that he had hemorrhoids but he'd give them a try. He took the Tucks into the studio bathroom with a wireless microphone and cleaned himself up with them. It was a good experiment with the new equipment. The wireless mic worked just fine. It picked up the sound of the toilet flushing really well!
Another Wacky Robin Story. 11/18/96.
At one point in the show Howard heard some kind of beeping going on. He asked what the hell it was and found out that it was Robins watch alarm. She went on to say that it goes off hourly to remind her to do something. Howard asked her why she needs an alarm to go off every hour to remind her to do something. She reluctantly said that she does an hourly walking meditation! She didn't get into much detail but saying anything about it makes it a story. Maybe we'll hear more about it when she disrupts the show more often with that damn alarm.
-- Friday November 15, 1996 --
Last Show From 600 Madison Avenue!!! 11/15/96.
Today was marks the end of an era... The tiny studio that Howard has been broadcasting from for years now wont be missed when Howard moves into his new studio on Monday. Howard can't get bands in the studio to play live. With the new studio that wont be a problem. They'll have plenty of room next week. They've already got Bush lined up to play sometime during the week. Check back Monday for more information.
Amy Lynn.. Not A Porno Star! 11/15/96.
Amy Lynn, Howard's favorite stripper was on the phone this morning. She's upset about E! calling her a porno star. She was recently featured on some E! news show and at the bottom of the screen they had ''Amy Lynn, Porno Star''. She called up freaking out saying that they were going to ruin her career. Howard got wind of this and called her up to get more info. Amy wants to be known as a Penthouse Pet or nude stripper, not porno star. She says that what she does isn't really considered porno but she does admit to being in the porno industry... go figure. Howard talked to her for a few minutes about this. There seems to be a fuzzy line between what she does and actual porno. Go see Amy strip down at the Wild Side in West Palm Beach next week and decide if what she does is porno or not.
Donovan Comes In. 11/15/96.
This guy is some star from back in the 60's. All I can say after hearing a medley of his songs is that I'm glad I wasn't growing up when his songs were popular. Some of the songs that you may recognize are Mello Yellow, Jennifer Juniper and The Hurdy Gurdy Man. Howard seemed to know a lot of the guys music. I guess because that's what was on the radio when he was growing up. The guy came in and did some songs and hung out with Howard for a little while. Not much of an interview.
Goofin' On Grillo. 11/15/96.
Howard started goofing on Steve Grillo this morning because of his stupid answering machine message. The message had an audio clip of a Simpsons episode at the beginning and Steve trying to act cool at the end of the message. Steve said it's an inside joke between he and his friends. Howard was just curious about how many people would get the joke. Grillo said 80% of the people that call him would get it. I guess the other 20% just think he's stupid.
Leslie West Comes In For The News. 11/15/96.
Now this guy is an interesting guest. Leslie was in the band Mountain back in the 60's and 70's. Whenever he comes in he keeps things lively during the news. Today he was plugging some Rock and Roll camp. You get to hang out with rock stars and play music. They have a web site at www.camprock.com. I missed out on some of the interview because of technical problems... my friggin radio faded out halfway through the interview and became static filled for the rest of the morning. But you're in luck. Chris Cook, a listener, e-mailed me a little wrap up of what happened... Here it is:
One of the running jokes was Leslie West and Joe Walsh being in a "feud". Apparently, Joe complained that Leslie was always playing too loud, that he thought he was "still at Woodstock". Howard later played Leslie's new version of James Brown's "It's A Man's Man's World" (I forget how many "man's" are in the title). It was quite good; Howard said in the middle, "I just got a fax from Joe Walsh; he says you're playing too loud." They also mentioned that Joe and Leslie would be at a rock camp together, and people should buy tickets to see them fight. My favorite question about the rock camp's programs was Howard asking if Leslie would teach people how to inject erection drugs into their penises. The show naturally ended with Howard being told by Fred that, last show celebration or no, they had to play commercials.
Mike Walker Game. 11/15/96.
This is a game that the crew play every Friday morning. Mike Walker is a reporter for The National Enquirer. He calls in with 4 stories, 3 of which are true. Howard and the gang have to guess the one that's untrue. Here were the stories:
1. Sylvester Stallone is going bald and is going to have hair implants from his back put on his head.
2. Robert Downey Jr. will be wearing a tracking bracelet while in New York City so he doesn't go off on a drug binge.
3. Pamela Lee's baby is disrupting the people on the set of Baywatch.
4. Sharron Stone got out of her limo at a restaurant and the sprinkler system came on and soaked her.
Fred guessed that number 3 was the fake, Howard guessed 3, Jackie guessed number 1 and Robin guessed number 4. The actual fake story was number 2, the Robert Downey Jr. Story. The other 3 will be appearing in an upcoming National Enquirer.
-- Thursday November 14, 1996 --
Howard's New Studio. 11/14/96.
Howard was talking about moving into his new studio next week. During the conversation a couple of things came up that may turn into trouble. First of all the new studio will not be locked. Howard assumed that the new studio would be locked every day after the show so that he could leave all of his stuff in there untouched. Well that's not the way things are going to happen. Gary said he overheard a conversation about how other DJs will be able to use the new studio for live bands during the rest of the day. Then Howard found out that there won't be any locks on the studio door. Howard said that's not in his contract. Sounds like it's going to be a bumpy ride...
Cousin Richie Robbed! 11/14/96.
A listener called in this morning and said that he just read an article in the paper about Howard's cousin Richie's health food store being robbed. Someone broke into the store sometime late Monday night or Tuesday morning and stole an unspecified amount of money. Howard hadn't heard about this yet. Later in the show Cousin Richie called in himself and told Howard how the thieves broke in and cut a hole in the safe. He said that he's not supposed to say how much money was stolen from the store. It was a large sum though... possibly somewhere near $20,000! It happened after hours so no one was injured.
Sugar Ray Leonard Comes In. 11/14/96.
Sugar Ray is going back in the ring. This time it's with Hector Macho Camacho. He'll be fighting Hector on February 28, 1997 down in Atlantic City, New Jersey. It'll be a Pay-Per-View event. Howard did the usual interview with Sugar Ray. He asked him about his love life and all that stuff. Sugar Ray is 40 now with a 22 year old son, a 29 year old wife and a 2 year old granddaughter... and he's going back in the ring!? What a nut!
-- Wednesday November 13, 1996 --
Tom The Sleeping Phone Caller. 11/13/96.
Howard was doing the usual early this morning. He was taking calls from listeners around 7 o'clock. He picked up a line and didn't hear anything. The guy who was supposed to be on the line was Tom. Howard said the guys name but then heard the faint sound of someone breathing. It sounded sort of like a snore. Howard said the guy had been waiting on the line for 55 minutes and he must have fallen asleep. It wasn't a fake snore either this guy was actually asleep. Howard tried waking the guy up by yelling his name into the phone but he didn't respond. The guy started to snore a little heavier. Then Howard said ''...hey, let's leave him on the line while I take more phone calls..''. So he did just that. He took another call but the snoring was so funny that you couldn't even pay attention to what that person was saying. Eventually Howard got back to Tom and woke him up. Tom didn't realize that he was on the air all that time and he didn't believe that he snored. The worst part of the whole thing was that Tom was more entertaining while he was asleep than he was awake! Howard couldn't believe that he waited through all of that snoring to get a lame question from the guy. I guess you had to hear the whole thing to enjoy it but it was really funny.
Jasmine St. Claire Comes Back In. 11/13/96.
Jasmine is the porno star who recently did the movie ''The Worlds Biggest Gang Bang 2'' in which she had sex over 300 times in 4 hours. Some of the guys in that movie were listeners of Howards show who came down to the studio to meet Jasmine. This time she was in to ask Howard to find her some more men for her next movie. Howard said that he lined up a few guys for her. Those guys turned out to be Crackhead Bob, Elephant Boy and Kenneth Keith Kallenbach. What a selection! Jasmine was topless through the whole interview this morning by the way. Howard asked Jasmine to pick out of these three which ones she would have sex with in the new movie. Kenneth Keith has been in a porno already. He told her that he doesn't want to do another but he'd gladly date her after the show. She told him that's not what she wants. He told her that he's got ''..a big johnson..'' but that didn't matter to her. Crackhead Bob made a better impression on her than Kenneth did. He tried to make conversation with her but she didn't want any part of that. She said that she would have sex with Bob. Elephant Boy just stood in the corner quietly. Jasmine liked that. She said he was a good one also. Bob wasn't sure if he wanted to do the porno or not because of his kids ''Dobert and Disdina''. He said that he wanted to but the ''..dids...'' kept him from it. I guess he doesn't want to embarrass them. Elephant Boy also said that he wasn't so sure about it. Not because he has kids though... just because he still lives with mommy and he doesn't want to embarrass her. He said he'd think about it but I think he'll pass. Kenneth Keith kept yelling out that he'd date her but she didn't bite. Most of Jasmines interview was unintelligible because the delay button was being hit every few seconds. I personally counted over 15 times when the delay screwed up the interview.
Smokin' Joe Frazier Drops In. 11/13/96.
Boxer ''Smokin'' Joe Frazier came in to plug an appearance that he's making at All American Collectibles. He's supposed to be signing autographs and stuff like that. Gary will also be appearing at the same event. This was Joe's first visit to the show since cutting off his toe in a lawnmower accident a while back. Howard wanted to see what the stump looked like so Joe pulled off his sock and shoe and showed it to everyone! It sounded like they were sickened by the look of it. While Joe was there he mentioned that he'd like to date Robin! Robin didn't sound so enthusiastic about that fact but who knows what will happen. Joe was having a lot of fun talking to Howard today. Howard asked Joe what he felt about the Tyson/Holyfield fight the other day. Joe didn't come right out and say that he thought it was fixed but he sure hinted at it! He felt that what he saw of Tyson just wasn't what it usually is. He said that Mike just wasn't trying hard enough. Very interesting... Marvis Frazier, Joe's son, was also there. After the interview with Joe was over Howard went to commercial. During the commercial Marvis saw the giant poster with the 3 pictures of Howard on his Miss America paperback book cover. He asked Fred who that woman was. He thought 'she' was attractive! Fred said when he told him it was Howard he couldn't believe it.
-- Tuesday November 12, 1996 --
Uri Gellor (sp?) Comes In. 11/12/96.
I guess you'd call this guy a psychic. Apparently he can read minds and bend keys with his bare hands and wacky stuff like that. Well he came in this morning to plug his book, The Mind Power Kit or something like that. He claims to have powers that enable him to find oil and gold. He says that he's made most of his money doing that. He also claims to have located a submarine in England that's been underwater for about 100 years. One story he told was about how he used his powers to win at gambling over in England. He won £17,000 while playing some game but on his way home he heard strange voices in his head so he threw the money out the window. He's not allowed to gamble in the United States because of his so called 'powers'. So anyway, Howard planned ahead for this guy's appearance. He had one of the Scores strippers come down to the studio. She waited in another room away from Uri. Howard had Uri try to guess what she looked like while she was on the phone. Uri had the girl look at herself while he focused on her thoughts. He described her, then she came into the studio. One of the things that Uri mentioned when he described her was a blotch on her back somewhere. Well he was correct on that one. I guess he was pretty close with the rest of the description too. The next thing they did was have Charlie the Scores girl go into another room and draw a picture. Uri would try to focus on her thoughts and draw the same picture. Well Uri drew a house with an animal next to it. The girl drew Gary's big ugly teeth...but then when she saw what Uri drew, she said that she had drawn that picture earlier in the morning. Uri explained that he must have been picking up that image because it was set in her mind... okay Uri, whatever you say. He probably saw it in the garbage can before he came into the studio. Uri's first trick was to bend a key with his bare hand. This happened before the stripper came in. He took Gary's office key and proceeded to bend it right in front of Howards eyes. Everyone was amazed, for the time being that is... After Uri left Howard became curious. He wanted to know how he bent that key. Listeners phoned and faxed in the best ways to pull off that trick. It ranged from heating up his fingers to using some special tube to bend the key. Then Gary came in and told Howard what had happened before Uri came in. Gary said that Uri asked him to get a bunch of keys together but didn't tell him why. Gary said that he put the keys on his desk and left Uri standing outside of his office while he did something else. This set Howard off. Howard asked Gary how he could do something so stupid. Gary didn't think it was stupid because he didn't know what Uri was going to do with the keys. Howard, Jackie and Robin goofed on Gary for a good 20 minutes after that.
Woman Who Slept With Michael Jordan Comes In. 11/12/96.
Porno star, Kylie Ireland, came in to speak about her night with Michael Jordan. She claims that she slept with Michael Jordan back in 1993. Her story appears in the latest issue of Sexposé Magazine. Kylie told her whole story about meeting Michael in a strip club where she was stripping. She said that she's married and she had to ask permission from her husband to sleep with Jordan. Her husband told her to enjoy herself! She also said that Jordan was so large that the first condom he tried out wouldn't fit! He called someone and had them bring up a larger one. After she told her story bloated attorney Dominic Barbara called in. He said that this story couldn't possibly be true. He wants her to take a lie detector test on Friday. She agreed because she had already done one for the magazine article. Dominic said he'd pay her $1000 to take the polygraph. We'll be hearing from her again on Friday.
More On El Paso... 11/12/96.
People have been feeding me bits and pieces of information about what happened down in El Paso. Here's what one guy told me: ''... I was surprised when [last] Friday morning I found out that Howard wasn't on the radio anymore!!!... I wanted to tell you the stuff that I believe lead to howard being taken off the air. Here it goes. The radio station that HAD Howard in the mornings was KROD 600 AM. They and their sister station on the FM dial KLAQ are owned by Evergreen media (yup, the same people that screwed howard in Chicago, I think). Well when the radio station that first had Howard, which was 93.1 fm, went bankrupt, Klaq/krod bought the station and changed the format from classic rock to easy listening. Well before 93.1 went belly up, Howard's morning show was giving the morning show on Klaq , Mornings with Buzz and Pattie, a run for its money ( #2 and #1 respectfully)... you see the dilemma they had when the bought the radio station 93.1, they decided to keep Howard but put him on there sister station KROD(which by the way is dork spelled backwards), which in turn is a 24 hour a day sport talk station!!! My theory is that they decided to honor Howard's contract for the rest of the time until his contract ran out and not renew it. Oh yeah, they said on Friday that they had contract negotiations with Howard , but i think that is udder bullshit!!!...'' So there you have it. Straight from a listeners fingers... I don't know if the facts are straight but that's all I've heard so far. I'll keep you informed of any other info.
-- Monday November 11, 1996 --
Make Me A Star, Says Old Woman. 11/11/96.
Howard was talking about how he can make a star out of just about anyone. His example was Crackhead Bob. Howard told the story of how he picked him and turned him into a star. Later in the show a woman called in who wanted to be a star. She told Howard that she's always been a loser and she's had really bad luck. She said that her husband divorced her when she was about 26 and went on to make millions in business opportunities. She, on the other hand, has wound up living in Pennsylvania and getting evicted from her home for some unknown reason. She's now 56, fat, missing teeth and almost homeless. She wants to be a star? Yikes! Howard eventually got tired of her depressing stories so he hung up on her and went on to the next phone call. This was the highlight of todays show by the way. It was another slow Monday...
El Paso Texas Off The Air!? 11/11/96.
I've gotten a few e-mails about this subject in the past couple of days. I get 99.999% of my information from listening to the Radio show. Howard hasn't mentioned anything about it yet so I don't have any other information at this time. As soon as Howard say's something about it I'll be sure to post it here. Perhaps The Interactive King Of All Media Newsletter will have an inside story about what happened. Anyone that has more info, please contact me.
-- Friday November 8, 1996 --
Sylvia And Misha, Lesbians. 11/8/96.
Yesterday Howard announced that he needed some lesbians to come down to the station for an audition to be in his movie. Today a lesbian couple showed up. According to Howard and Gary Sylvia and Misha were really good looking women. Howard talked to them for a while about their lesbianism and how they met. Howard talked about yesterday's Scores party while the 2 lesbians were in. There weren't really any good stories from that party. It sounded like a nice normal birthday party with strippers.
Lisa, Raped By Her Muscular Therapist? 11/8/96.
This woman called in to tell a story about this muscular therapist of hers. She told this long story about how great this guy was for her. She told the story about how he has her strip down naked. She puts a sheet over her but then he then does her massage. He works his way over her whole body but then removes the sheet. That's not normal for a massage. He even puts on cologne and soft music. She said that she's never felt so good while having the massage but then she got to a point in the story where she said the guy got his fingers into her rear ''no fly zone'' as Howard put it. She just thought that he was giving a regular massage. She didn't think much of the whole thing until Howard and the gang made fun of her for not thinking that she was being raped by this guy. As a matter of fact a woman physical therapist called in and told the woman that she has a lawsuit waiting to happen. A little while later Dominic Barbara called in and told her the same thing. She said that sometimes she would get turned on during the whole thing but she's not attracted to this guy. I don't think she'll be going back to this guy after talking about it on the air.
More Lesbians! 11/8/96.
Another lesbian came in during the Mike Walker Game (something I don't report on). This lesbian was also named Sylvia. She had an accent though. Sylvia played the Mike Walker game with Howard and the crew. For those of you who don't know, Mike Walker is a guy from the National Enquirer who calls in every Friday. He tells 4 stories about celebrities one of which is a fake. Everyone playing has to try to pick the fake one. It's too involved for me to write about every week so I usually don't bother. So after the game another couple of lesbians came in. They were another really cute couple according to Howard. Howard didn't believe that they were lesbians at first so he asked them to kiss. They kissed and Howard said '' Oh yeah, they're gay alright.. ''One of them said that she was a lesbian from age 6 to age 16 but then from 16 to 22 she had a boyfriend. Now she's full lesbian. Howard got into a conversation about getting one of these girls to get his wife into lesbianism. The one lesbian told Howard that she could definitely get Allison to do stuff with her. Howard sounded really interested. He wants to see Allison and this lesbian together. Allison's not that type of person though. It'll never happen. Howard tried to get Allison on the phone but she was out exercising. Don't count on that ever happening.. Gary came in and said that these two have their own scam to get into Scores for free. They said that they go to a bar, pick up a couple of stock brokers and tell them that they'd like to go to Scores. The stock brokers take them out and pay for everything. The two lesbians just pick the women that they'd like to see and the stock brokers pay them! What a great scam. So that was it for lesbians today.
-- Thursday November 7, 1996 --
Just How Stupid Are Yankee Fans.. Part 2. 11/7/96.
This is the second part of the game Howard started the other day. This time it's a guy who John is questioning. Here are the questions and answers for the Yankee fan at the Yankee parade...
- What does E Pluribus Unum mean?... ''Don't know'' (Incorrect)
- Where is Munich, what country?... ''Don't know'' (Incorrect)
- How many inches in a yard?... ''Twelve?'' (Incorrect)
- Where does veal come from?... ''Calf'' (Correct)
- What day is added for leap year?... ''Don't know'' (Incorrect)
- How many sides does a rectangle have?... ''Eight'' (Incorrect)
- Who fought in the civil war?... ''Norfh and Soufh'' (Correct?) Howard wasn't sure if Norfh and Soufh were technically correct
- How many singers in a quartet?... ''Four'' (Correct)
- What does a proctologist work on?... ''I don't know'' (Incorrect)
- Who is the leader of South Africa?... ''Nelson Mandela'' (Correct)
- What country is Napolean from?... ''France'' (Correct) He may have had help from the crowd
- Spell Arkansas... ''A R K A N S A S'' (Correct)
- What are the two major political parties in the U.S.?... ''Democrat and Republican'' (Correct)
- When is George Washington's birthday?... ''I don't care'' (Incorrect)
- What scientist came up with E=MC₂?... ''Albert Einstein'' (Correct)
- Name a Scandinavian country... ''Czechoslovakia'' (Incorrect)
- What's the capitol of New York?... ''Albany'' (Correct)
- Where is Big Ben found?... ''In my pants'' (Incorrect)
As you can see John found another stupid Yankee fan. John said that he interviewed 4 people. These 2 were both stupid. I wonder how dumb the other 2 were. Maybe Howard will play one of the other tapes sometime.
Scores Party For Ronnie The Limo Driver Today. 11/7/96.
Howard and the gang are heading over to Scores after the show to have a big birthday party for Howard's limo driver Ronnie. There should be some good stories tomorrow. Can't wait to hear them.
David Brenner Comes In. 11/7/96.
Comedian David Brenner came in to plug his new pool hall, Amsterdam Billiards. It's supposed to be the largest single floor pool hall in the world. It's located at 210 East 86th St. in New York City and it's like 15,000 square feet of space! David also said that he's no longer doing a radio show.. who knew he was doing one? He said that he's going back to doing stand-up comedy instead. He's putting together a whole new act and it's working out great. David also told a story about how he and his family were almost killed by carbon monoxide poisoning! Someone working for him got so upset with the beeping coming from the carbon monoxide detector in the house that she took the batteries out! She didn't know that carbon monoxide has no smell and you can't see it. She thought it was a faulty detector. Not too long after that everyone in the house felt like they were getting the flu or something. It turned out to be carbon monoxide poisoning. After that he called all of his friends and begged them to get detectors of their own. Scary huh?
-- Wednesday November 6, 1996 --
What's My Color... The Game. 11/6/96.
This game may have been known as Who's the black guy in the past. Now Howard has figured out the rules so they changed the name. 3 guys come in. 2 are white one is black. Howard, Robin, Jackie and Fred are wearing blindfolds. They ask the guys questions and try to figure out who the black guy is. The white guys have to try to fool the crew into thinking that they're black guys. With the first round Howard, Robin, Jackie and Fred asked the 3 guys questions about ''black'' stuff that they might know. Some of the questions were like ''Name a major black hair care company?..'' and ''what kind of cigarettes do you smoke?..'' and ''can you swim?..'' and ''when do welfare checks come?..'' stuff like that. Jackie picked number 1 Howard, Fred and Robin picked number 2. Well Jackie was the only wrong answer. Number 2 was the black man. He won $300 and a bunch of other small prizes for convincing Howard, Fred and Robin that he was the black man. He was a very light skinned black man according to Howard. The black guy said that he just started watching Howard on E!. One of the guys said that he was the webmaster for the Paradise Club. Howard thought that he meant that he was like Spiderman or something. He said that he created www.peepshow.com. I haven't checked it out myself so take a look at your own risk. The second round was basically the same thing with 3 different guys. Robin and Howard picked number 1, Jackie picked number 3, Fred picked number 3. And the black man was... Number 2! Wow! No one got it correct! The two white guys fooled everyone.. what a game.
Mary McCormack Calls In Again. 11/6/96.
Howard's movie wife called in again trying to plug her dying TV show Murder One. It's up against Seinfeld so it's never going to last. Last time she called Howard told his audience not to watch the show. This time he said that he watches it himself (yeah right) and that it's a great show. She must have gotten to him after the last call... Give it up Mary! It's hopeless!
-- Tuesday November 5, 1996 --
FIRE IN THE STUDIO!!! 11/5/96.
Around 9:30 this morning while Howard, Jackie, Fred and Robin were talking about the old Tonight Show Howard noticed a really nasty smell. Jackie saw smoke and Howard immediately said ''..let's get out of here...''. Howard was right out the door. He hadn't turned off the microphones so you could hear him yelling at Fred to play commercials. Poor Fred was in the studio running commercials while everyone else ran out. After a few minutes of commercial break they came back on. Apparently something in the board shorted out and smoked a bit. Scott The Engineer said that it was an amplifier module. Howard really sounded scared when it first happened. Robin just kept laughing through the whole damn thing. Does she ever stop? About a half hour later Gary came into the studio and told Howard that there was an ABC News crew downstairs. They heard that Howard was fired so they came down. How they got getting fired and having a fire in the studio confused is beyond me...
Just How Stupid Are Yankee Fans? 11/5/96.
A few days after the New York Yankees won the world series they threw a parade in New York City. Howard sent Stuttering John down to interview some of them to see what kind of people line up in the streets to see such a lame thing. Well Stuttering John struck gold with one woman. Howard made a game out of this whole thing. He and Robin were betting on whether or not the person could answer correctly. Here are some of the questions John asked and the answers received. John said this girl was really good looking so we have to excuse her stupidity.
- What's the capitol of New York?... ''Albany'' (Correct!)
- Where is Big Ben found?... ''Dallas'' (Incorrect!)
- What does E Pluribus Unum mean?... She didn't know
- Where is Munich, what country?... ''Detroit'' (Incorrect)
- How many inches in a yard?... ''12!'' (Incorrect)
- Where does veal come from?... She kind of knew it but said it while laughing
- What day is added for leap year?... ''June 28 or 29'' (Duh!)
- How many sides does a rectangle have?... ''4'' Finally another correct answer!
- Who fought in the civil war?... ''we did..the Yankees, New York..'' she was joking around so she didn't finish the answer
- Where is Pearl Harbour?... ''I know this one but I forgot it..Florida?'' (Incorrect)
- How many singers in a quartet?... ''four'' but she may have gotten the answer from someone in the crowd.
- What does a proctologist work on?... ''don't know'' (Incorrect)
- Who is the leader of South Africa?... ''don't know'' (Incorrect)
- What country is Napolean from?... ''..uhhh...from Europe...England?'' (Incorrect)
A listener called in to yell at Jackie for a comment he'd made about the school system in New York. The guy turned out to be a teacher himself. A biology teacher. He just talked in a monotone for a couple of minutes so Howard finally got rid of him and got back to the questions.
- Spell Arkansas... ''A R K I N S A N...'' (Incorrect)
- What are the two major political parties in the U.S.?... ''Democratic and Republican'' (Correct)
- When is George Washington's birthday?... ''February 22'' correct but someone helped her again
- Name a Scandinavian country... ''I don't know one.. uhh... Iran?'' (Incorrect)
That was it for this poor girl. Howard has another guy but he's saving it for some other time.
Richmond Listeners Fight Back. 11/5/96.
Howard read an article this morning about the ratings down in Richmond. The article said that Howard is still getting ratings in that market because people are listening to the Norfolk station although they have to wire their house just for picking up the weak signal. Howard is still in 11th place in a city where he's not even broadcast... go figure.
Guy who takes Ruffies. 11/5/96.
Howard had someone in the studio who wanted to talk about taking this drug called Ruffies which guys usually slip into women's drinks to knock them out. Well this guy took them himself. Howard had the guy's voice going through a harmonizer but it was kind of recognizable. I would bet my right arm that it was either Stuttering John or Ralph! He didn't want anyone to recognize his voice... it had to be someone that Howard knew... Howard was too comfortable with the guy for it to have been a stranger. The whole crew talked about their drug experiences and what schools do to try to turn kids off.
-- Monday November 4, 1996 --
Howard's New Weather Man! 11/4/96.
Abbe the Doorman is now going to do some weather reports for Howard. Howard hasn't mentioned this guy much before. Howard was talking about playing a new game this morning and he wanted to bring in the doorman from downstairs. This guy Abbe is a really nice guy who everyone likes. Howard then decided that maybe Abbe should do the weather instead of Wood Yee. Abbe eventually made it into the studio and Howard interviewed him for a little while. Abbe has a heavy Swahili accent which makes it hard to understand sometimes. He talked about the days when he lived in Africa and hunted down deer and antelope. Howard also found out that Abbe can bang a bongo and send messages to other tribe members. Abbe demonstrated by banging out a couple of messages such as: ''we are coming to your house at 9 o'clock'' and ''Tom you are an idiot''. He just banged on the bongo a few times but you couldn't tell the difference between the messages. Abbe did his weather report but it wasn't anything special. I think this guy was too normal for the show. Howard should have Crackhead Bob doing the weather reports.
Slow Day On The Stern Show. 11/4/96.
Not much went on today. Howard started the morning off talking about his wife and the talk they had this past weekend. Not much exciting there... Then he talked about the 5 movies he rented on the weekend. 4 of them sucked. He said the only one that was good was Fargo. The other movies were just bad flicks with bad scripts... I can't remember which ones they were though. 2 of them had a guy named Ron Silver in them and Howard goofed on him for most of the morning. Well that was about it for today's show.
-- Friday November 1, 1996 --
Hero Of The Week. 11/1/96.
Howard had famous school principal Joe Clark on the phone to congratulate him on fixing yet another school in Newark NJ. Joe is the principal who likes to run his school with baseball bat in hand. This time he's shackled some students because they were throwing fecal matter in class. Joe had a movie based upon his life called Lean On Me. Howard just wanted to say a quick hello and congratulations on his latest conquest so he wasn't on the phone for long.
Monica The Mexican. 11/1/96.
The other day this 25 year old woman called in trembling with joy when she spoke to Howard. Today she came in to meet her king. She wanted to show Howard her breast implants. She came in and Howard described her as being about 5'4'' and no more than 105 pounds. She is Mexican with a very revealing dress on. She was thrilled to be in the studio. She called Howard a god. This woman said that her breasts were less than an A cup before her implants! She's still not satisfied with the size though. She also said that she only eats one time a day. She runs 12 miles a day and does 200 sit-ups a day! Howard talked to her for a little while longer even played a little Butt Bongo on her ass. When it was time to leave he asked her if she'd like to hang out under the console where he works. Of course she agreed and after the commercial break, underneath she went! This part of the console is right where his legs are so she was very close to his private parts. Howard was expecting her to ''take care'' of him while she was under there. Howard went on with the rest of the show with her under there...
Siskel And Ebert Call In. 11/1/96.
Movie reviewers Siskel and Ebert called in this morning for some reason. Howard still had Monica the Mexican under the console through the phone call. Howard was asking Siskel and Ebert if they were going to give him a fair movie review when Private Parts comes out. They both said that they would but Howard doesn't think so.
Allison Pissed Once Again! 11/1/96.
Howard's wife caught wind of the girl under the console so she called in to bitch about it. She told Howard that she doesn't appreciate it and that she'll be withholding sex from him for the weekend. Howard said that he knows better. He says that when he does stuff like this it turns Allison on even more and they'll have great sex the whole weekend.
The Imus Tantrum. 11/1/96.
Howard threw a tantrum about Don Imus early this morning. Howard heard that Imus was bad mouthing him in some article so Howard freaked. He went on for about 10 minutes about how Imus sucks and he can't get any ratings. Imus always tells people that he's second in the New York ratings but he's actually in about 14th place. Howard yelled about that fact also. Howard claims to have given Imus an act and Imus stole it. Howard also heard that Imus called his wife Allison a fat pig! That also really pissed Howard off. Imus left his ugly first wife for some young aerobics instructor so he thinks Howard's wife is a pig. Howard wants to compare Imus' first wife to his wife to see who gets what before they have money. Imus' young chippy came when he had big $$. She's not attracted to him for his old dried up prune face... Howard had Gary try to get Imus on the phone but they couldn't get a hold of him.

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