Howard started the show talking about how he was just learning that Massachusetts and California have a proposition to completely legalize marijuana. He said that way people wouldn't need to get a note from their doctor. Howard said you don't have to go through the guise of going to a doctor and getting a note. Howard said he was talking to Jason about how Massachusetts isn't so liberal and it may not pass. He said he hopes it does. He said he'd like to see other states do the same. Howard said he's not a smoker but he does think it's absurd that it's illegal.
Howard asked who the guest was that said to get rid of paranoia when you smoke that you take charcoal or something. Gary said it may have been Neil Young saying it was black pepper. Howard said that's it. Robin said just don't smoke it and you won't get paranoid.
Howard said he can't wait for this election to be over. He said it's enough. Robin said she was watching CNN and they have a countdown clock. She said they were down to 45 hours. She said it can't come soon enough. Howard said the comedy in this is the bet between Memet and Brent. He said the bet is that Brent is so sure Hillary will win 40 or more states that he'll get his pubes waxed if she doesn't. Howard said it looks tight so he's not sure about that. Howard said Memet is so sure that he'll get his head shaved on the air if he loses. Robin asked what Howard thinks. Howard said he's not sure Hillary can win 40 states. Howard said no matter who the candidates are the country is so evenly decided it comes down to a few independent voters.
Howard said according to every pundit they're saying that every poll has a 4 point spread. Brent said what Howard isn't looking at is that there are a lot of first time Hispanic voters. He said there is a town in Texas where more have voted than in all of 2012. Howard asked about what percent they are in the country. Brent said it's about 14 percent. He said black voters are about the same. Robin said there are only 50 states in the country though so he's saying she'll win 40 of those.
Brent said that Hispanic voters are up by 127 percent of what they were in 2012. Howard said the real winner will get to see one of the guys get completely weirded out. Robin asked how many states Obama won. Brent said that he thinks it was 30. He said Trump is as bad as Mondale was so he thinks he's going to lose. Howard asked Brent if he has long pubes. Brent said he's growing them out for this. Howard asked if he has grey ones yet. Brent said not yet. He said he'll get really depressed if he sees that going on.
Howard took a call from a guy who claims he had sex with Brent in the military. It was Memet doing the voice of the guy. He said he has to deep throat that big cock of Brent's. He said he's not gay but he likes blowing Brent.
Howard asked if Brent has hairs on his shaft. Brent said he doesn't. Howard said he odes. He said he's so small flaccid that the skin is stretched up from his pubes. He said he maxes out at 6 inches. He said a lot of that stretching is from the base. He said he's only about half an inch flaccid. Robin said you can't measure that small. Howard said he's that small and it's fucking crazy.
Howard asked the caller if he did the taint when he blew Brent. Memet said he wouldn't go too deep because there was shit caked on his asshole.
Howard said he was just talking to the guys and he asked why governor Cuomo banned the AR-15 rifle. Brent said people think it's an automatic weapon and it's not. Brent said he thinks it's the aesthetics because it looks like a bad ass weapon. He said it's also used in the military. Howard asked if it's unconstitutional to ban a weapon like that. Brent said that there have been cases and they have been struck down by the supreme court. He said he's not sure how states and cities are able to ignore those decisions. Howard said they do it with abortions too. Howard said it's the law of the land that you can do it but doctors are afraid to give abortions.
Howard asked why no one is taking this AR-15 thing to court. Brent said he thinks there is someone who was going to take it to court. Howard said he sure knows a lot of things. Howard said Brent knows a shit load about liquid ass too. Howard said there is no ban on that stuff. Brent said that stuff is nasty.
Howard said tomorrow is the big day and they'll know on Wednesday who will get shaved or waxed. Howard said that some are saying that Brent just wants a free wax job.
Howard asked if Brent loses the bet do they have it lined up to get it done. Howard said they may not know on Wednesday morning who the winner is but if they do they need to have it lined up. Brent said Gary was lining that up. Jason said they have it lined up for next Monday.
Howard said Brent has been waxed before. Brent said his hair is very thick too. Howard took a call from Brent's pubes who said that he's packing his bags and he's ready to get out of there.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's a truck driver and he sees Trump signs and bumper stickers 2 to 1 to Hillary stuff. Howard said that doesn't mean he's going to win. Howard said it may not translate to votes. Brent said that the cities are the ones where the votes come from. He said that the rural areas may not have the numbers that the blue cities have.
Brent said Memet is really afraid of losing his hair. He said he's pulled him aside asking when he lost his hair. He said he was 26-28 when he lost it. Brent said that he used to grow it long. He said one day he had a girl going through his hair and she said he was going bald. He said he was 26 at the time. He said she killed the mood. The caller said now his pubes will match his head.
Howard took a call from the guys in the back as an Asian woman who wanted to wax Brent's pubes. Howard spent a minute with her. Howard asked what she looks like. She said she looks like a little girl but she's 26. She said she's going to make Brent bleed all over. Howard said this election has been going on far too long. He can't wait for it to be over.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks there could be a tie in the election. Howard said that would be crazy. Howard said if the press predicts a winner the loser usually accepts and concedes. Howard said if there is a tie then there is a fucking shitload of laws that would make Paul Ryan President. Howard said this is crazy. He said they go to the house with one vote per state. Howard said if the house is tied then the senate elects the Vice President and the President is out. Robin said it could be mike Pence or Tim Caine. Howard said if they can't choose that then it goes to another person and then the Speaker of the House becomes president. Howard said he thinks the founding fathers were all high when they came up with all of that.
Robin asked if there's a change in congress and the Democrats win the house. Howard said this would happen before all of that. Howard said if all of that fails then Beetlejuice becomes president. He played a ''Zika Man'' bit they created about Beetlejuice. Howard said he wants to animate that
Howard took a call from a guy who said he felt like Brent was stifled on the Bubba show. Brent said he didn't think so. Howard said he was a co-host on the show. Brent said they weren't stifling him at all.
Howard said they were talking about Brent this morning and wondering if he is really smart or is he faking it. Howard said he thinks he's really smart. Howard asked Brent if he thinks he's smart. Brent said the military entrance test he did really well with. He said he didn't go to college so he wasn't a good student. He said there are books that say there are people who are really smart but they don't do well in school. He said there are outliers who are very smart but they don't fit in very well.
Howard said Brent thinks that Casting Couch porn is real. Brent said he does think it is. He said they get a release from the girl before they come in. Howard said it's a fake agent though. Brent said he thinks they get the release before. Howard said he pretends it's real. Howard said it is real fucking. He said he thinks they bring in a porn star to do it. Brent said the porn actresses can't act that good. He said he doesn't think it's fake.
Howard asked if Brent has seen the German porn where it's a doctor fucking patients. Brent said that's obviously fake. He said the guy in the back room casting couch stuff looks real to him. Howard asked if he thinks the stuff where the guy fucks girls in the back of a cab is real. Brent said that's not real either.
The caller said he saw a German porn called Shit Lovers. He said that stuff scares him. Howard said it's like they don't have any laws over there. He said they must have done away with all of the porn laws there. He said they had so many problems they skipped over those laws.
Howard said he saw a porn 30 years ago that someone sent to the radio station. He said the guy was old and he fucked a chicken to death. Howard said it was really weird and upsetting. Howard said he's not sure who is watching that stuff.
JD came in and said that the casting couch stuff is all scripted. He said he saw a girl talking about it and it's all faked. He said the girls are paid $2,000 to do that. JD said he'll send an article about the guy in one of the Arizona casting couch videos and how he may have an STD.
Howard said the guys in the back made a list of things that Brent is an expert in. Howard read the list and went over some of that stuff with Brent. He's an expert in a lot of things. Howard asked Brent if he can beat Gary in music jeopardy. Brent said Gary may be better than he is. Howard said they say that he's an expert in Atheism and animal rights and more. Howard said he has to give a shout out to a woman who is going to heaven. Howard said Rachel Ray started a food for animals called Nutrish. He said that Rachel said she was going to donate the proceeds from that food to the North Shore Animal League. Howard said he thought it was bullshit but now he's an asshole. Howard said she sent over a check for half a million dollars. He said over a million and a half have gone to animal rescue and more. Howard said Beth showed him yesterday that she sent that 500,000. Howard said they're building the wing for North Shore starting next Spring he thinks. Howard said it's unbelievable. Howard said that's some contribution. He said she's like Mother Theresa. Howard said you can't say anything bad about Rachel Ray. The caller said he loves that Brent is on the show. He said he wants more Brent on the air.
Robin asked if Brent is an expert in politics too. Howard said he is according to the list. Brent said everyone is.
Howard said he just finished a book on Paul Simon on his Kindle. Howard said now he's reading Bruce Springsteen's book and it's really good. He said he loves rock biographies. He said he loved Sammy Hagar's book too. Brent said Marilyn Manson's book is one of the best books he's read. He said it's wild. Howard asked if he talks about everything. Brent said his grandpa used to dildo himself. He said he accidentally saw that going on. Howard said he might like that too. Howard said you can tell Bruce went through psychotherapy. He said he has it all figured out. Brent said he'd like to read that to see how he succeeded in life. Howard said that's what the book is about.
Howard said he tends to think that singers have to have the ability to hear yourself and perfect it. Howard said a lot of people who are good at something just work at it longer. Howard said he decided to learn to draw and paint about a year ago. Howard said he began to study it. He said he took lessons and things. He said he worked at it and this past summer he had a breakthrough and his stuff looks pretty legit. Howard said he didn't know how to do all of this stuff but he thinks if he had started young he could have been an important painter. Howard said he can't devote himself to it fully now. Howard said he thinks if he had put his attention on it then he would have been able to do it. He said he's not even sure what his point was. Robin said he got very good at this thing in a two year period.
Howard said he was the worst when he started out in radio. Robin said he's not doing real radio though. Howard thanked her for that. Howard said this is the debate that goes on in his head all weekend. Howard said he also debates whether or not casting couch porn is real. Brent said that's a very important debate.
Howard took a call from a guy who said the casting couch porn thing is real. Howard asked what evidence he has. The guy said the girl doesn't know she's going to get fucked half the time but they do end up fucking. He said he knows one of the guys who does it. Howard asked where he does it. The guy said he has an office center that he works out of. He said they ask women to come in for adult modeling. Howard said then he says to them that to get them work they have to see if they can do this type of thing. Then he videos them. The caller said it's all real. He said they sign a release saying that they're taking nude photos and they have to sign a non-disclosure agreement. Howard said their friend Vick Lagina says it's all fake. The caller said he knows it's real because this guy tells him about it.
The caller mentioned he was a bartender. Howard said it seems like a lot of bartenders are good looking guys and women. Howard asked if the caller gets laid a lot. The caller said he does alright and he's not that good looking. Howard asked if the women think he's not a loser and they like to hang with him. The caller said they do. He said they ask when he gets off of work and the next thing you know you're up in their room. He said he doesn't drink while he works. He said he waits until after. Howard asked how much money he can make in Vegas doing that. The caller said he made $500 last night. He said that was in tips. He didn't want to say how much he makes. Howard asked the guy how much he can make at Mandelay Bay. The caller said maybe 85 grand a year. Howard said it's kind of fun too. The caller said it is. He said it's worth it. Howard said that's pretty major. The caller said most of it is cash too.
Howard asked how the guy learned his craft. The guy said he was just thrown into it at 21. He said that the drinks women are asking for these days are vodka and Red Bull. He said there are old drinks coming back for men too. He said the Manhattan is coming back. Howard asked where all of the money is coming from for these drinks. Howard said he can't believe one drink is like 15 bucks. He said it's crazy. The caller said a McCallen on the rocks is 17 bucks. He said he gets tipped on those too. Howard said it's like 20 bucks or more for one drink. The caller said they're top shelf drinks. Howard asked about a Long Island Iced Tea. The caller said that's all bottom of the line booze. Howard said Robin drinks those. The caller said ask for a top shelf Long Island Iced Tea next time.
Howard asked if he has ever fucked a girl on shift. The caller said he got caught once. He said he took a girl out to the pool and banged her in the Jacuzzi. Howard asked if it's drying when it's in the water. The caller said it is but this was 20 years ago and he got caught in 5 minutes. He said they went out to his car instead. Howard asked if he wore a condom. The caller said he always wears a condom. He said even in the tub he did that. Howard said he finds it impossible to fuck in the water. The caller said it is difficult in the Jacuzzi. Howard wondered if there is a porn category for that. The caller said there probably is.
Howard asked if he's ever fucked a celebrity. The caller said he doesn't think he has. He said he has waited on them but he's never fucked one. Howard asked who the hottest chick was that he ever saw. The caller said J-Lo is hot. He said Britney Spears is hot. He said J-Lo has fantastic skin. He said he was there when Ben Affleck got kicked out for card counting. He said he waited on Baba Booey. Howard what he ordered. He said he ordered a drink and only tipped a dollar. He said he was ordering Pina Coladas. Gary said this is a lie. He said he has never ordered a Pina Colada. The caller said that was Sal. He said that's what he just said. Gary said he never had Kettle Vodka either. Gary said he's a good tipper usually.
The caller said he got stiffed by Gwen Stefani. He said she didn't tip anything but her assistant did. Howard said he likes hearing about the girls he's banged. Howard asked how old he is. The caller said he's 50. Howard said he sounds like he's 12. The caller said he wishes he was a kid. He said he would have gone a different route. Howard asked if he was ever married. The caller said he was. He said he got divorced. He said he thinks he has a kid. He said he banged a girl 20 years ago and he saw her like 7 months later and she was pregnant. He said it could have been his kid. He said she married some other guy. He said he might be raising his kid. Brent said the guy banged her in a parking lot and he thinks that she didn't do this with other guys. The caller said that's a good point. Howard let the guy go a short time later.
Howard said it sounds like this guy is having a good life. He said he used to do those commercials for a bartending school. He said he should have taken it. He said he figured he was too ugly to do that job. Howard said he would have to get into some crazy makeup to do that. He said he'd be like a KISS bartender. Brent said that he could have had a gimmick. Howard said people didn't really like him that much. He said he could have been a bartender.
Howard took a call from the guys in the back and they were pretending to be a woman who got fisted at a job interview at a CVS.
Howard asked Brent how often he jerks off. Brent said it's maybe once a week. He said his fiancee is 15 years younger than him so he has to be ready for that. Howard said he has to be ready for at least once a day. He said he never knows when Beth is going to want it. He said it's kind of random. Howard said what he does on a Sunday night is jerk off because he may not see her on Monday. He said he thinks she's on her period now. He said she must have a very small vagina. He said she has these really small tampons. He said there's no cardboard or anything. She said she's so petite in that area. Robin said he would know if he's been in that area. Howard said he saw them laying out so he knows when she's on it. Howard said she has tiny baby tampons. Howard said he's not sure what they call them. Howard asked Robin if she has a big one. Robin said she used to use little ones. Howard said he knew it. He said she's a lady.
Howard said he has to time it just right with Beth. He said if he sees that thing going on then he jerks off once or twice. He said he has to get it all out. Howard said then when she's ready for sex he has to make sure he doesn't jerk off the day before.
Howard said he has no problem getting a boner. Robin asked if he jerks off every day. Howard said he doesn't do it every day. He said he did it twice in one day recently though. He said that's not normal.
Howard let Brent talk a bit about what he wanted to talk about. Howard said maybe since this was Benjy's idea they should let everyone but Benjy talk for a minute about whatever. Howard said Benjy was kicked out of the studio and he hasn't been back in since. Howard wondered what Ronnie would talk about if he had a minute to talk. Howard asked how things are between Brent and Ronnie. Brent said Ronnie is still mad at him. He said they all have to take it there. He said it's all about ball busting.
Gary said he asked Ronnie what he'd talk about and he just kept saying ''no'' and didn't look at him. Howard said Ronnie has this shtick where he's an angry guy and won't talk to anyone. Howard said that's what he's been doing lately. Gary said Ronnie is saying it's not shtick. Howard said his personality is not having a personality. Howard said some guy was busting his balls about his shirt this morning and Ronnie just ignored the guy. Howard said he was all serious.
Ronnie came in and said it was too early to hear that stuff this morning. He said Howard is the same way. Howard said his personality is to not have a personality. Ronnie said this one guy won't shut up about that stuff. He said it's every time. Howard said that guy likes to fuck with him. Ronnie said he can't keep his mouth shut.
Howard said he was asking Brent about how things were going. Ronnie said it's all good. He said they walk by and it's nothing.
Howard took a call from Melrose Larry Green who said Ronnie is one of the best parts of the show. He said he thinks Trump is going to win. He said he thinks he's going to win all of those states. Howard asked Ronnie if he said he was going to help wax Brent if he loses. Ronnie said sure. He said he can't wait to rip that shit off.
Howard said he has to take a break. He said it's been an hour and 7 minutes. Howard said he's not sure what the sponsors are going to do if he doesn't take a break.
Howard said he loves watching Ronnie. Ronnie asked why he has to jerk off when his wife is on her period. He asked if she doesn't do anything for him. Howard said sometimes he has to take things into his own hands. He said you have to measure it out sometimes.
Howard said sometimes Ronnie will just ask people what their problem is or something like that. Ronnie said it's a joke. He said he's not trying to be a tough guy. Howard said it seems like he's trying to be a tough guy. Howard asked if he says ''What's your problem'' he means it as a sign of affection. Ronnie said he and Brent don't talk anymore so that's never an issue for them.
Howard said it's like Ronnie doesn't want to take any compliments when someone talks to him. Howard said no one laughs when he responds like that. Ronnie said they do laugh. Howard said he's like Ronnie Dangerfield. Howard said that's his personality.
Howard asked Ronnie what he says when someone says good morning. Ronnie said he may say ''Good for you.'' but not in a mean way. Howard asked if he ever reverses it. Ronnie said sometimes he'll mix it up. Howard said he has the charisma of a serial killer. Ronnie said ''whatever.''
Howard asked Robin what she thinks about this. Robin said she's been a party to this. She said he does it to her. Howard asked if it's funny. Robin said she just knows it's Ronnie. Howard said he swears Jeffrey Dahmer had more personality than Ronnie. Howard said he's not sure what that is. He said he walks around saying ''fuck you'' to people.
Howard did his impression of Ronnie greeting people out there in the halls. Howard said maybe he could just say ''Die'' when someone says good morning. Ronnie said he'll try that out. Howard said he's going to take on Ronnie's personality. He said he'd tell people to rot in hell and die of cancer. Ronnie said he'd never do that. Howard said that will be his thing then.
Ronnie asked what his problem is with that. Howard asked what his problem is. They went back and forth for a few seconds on that. Howard had Robin ask how he's doing and he told her he hopes her house burns down. Howard told Fred he hopes he shits blood, fuckface. He said he hopes his kid gets hit by a bus and things like that too. He asked Ronnie how he's doing. Ronnie said he's doing good. He said it's just a joke and they're goofing around.
Howard said he'd like to see Ronnie and Brent get along. Brent said it could happen. Ronnie wondered what thing they wanted him to get off of. Robin said it's the thing he's upset with Brent over. Ronnie said he's sure he has plenty more to tell. He said that's his job so he's gotta do what he's gotta do.
Howard said wait until tomorrow when he comes in and does what Ronnie does. Howard said he can't get away with that personality.
Howard took a call from a guy and cursed him out like Ronnie would do and the guy hung up. Howard said he has to take a break anyway. He let Ronnie and Brent go. He told them to gargle his piss and go out and get AIDS. They went to break after that.
Howard said he has a new Jack and Rod Show phony phone call to play. Howard said they have authors on the show and they don't realize what they're getting involved with. Howard played the clip and Sal and Richard interview a guy who wrote a book and ask him about Hillary Clinton who they have on the show with them. They have fake Hillary of course. She rips a phone book in half and smashes a guitar over her head to prove how healthy she is.
Robin asked who the author was. Howard said Sal didn't know how to say the word ''Authenticity'' in the start of that call. He replayed it and Sal said ''Authencity'' and the guy corrected him. Sal said it was close enough.
Howard said he has a couple of things to share. He said Shuli called Beetlejuice the other day. He said they realized that Beetlejuice has an OCD thing. He said he has trouble hanging up on Shuli. Howard said he didn't know he was capable of this. Howard played the clip and Beetlejuice kept saying he'd see Shuli later and he wouldn't hang up. Shuli kept saying goodbye but Beetlejuice wouldn't hang up. Howard said this went on and on. He said he can't even play it all because it went on so long. Robin said maybe he doesn't know how to hang up. She said maybe people hang up on him and he doesn't understand. Howard said maybe his brain doesn't have that thing that tells you when you're supposed to hang up.
Howard said he had a weird moment last week when he was leaving. He said Mel Gibson was up there doing a Town Hall thing in the fish bowl studio. Howard said he thinks Vince Vaughn was there with him too. Howard said he didn't hear Vince get a word in. Howard said he was walking out and he thought if he saw him that he'd start calling his name. Howard said he asked if he was talking and ran out when he knew he was talking. He said everyone can see you walking in the halls because they have glass studios. Howard said he was worried that something would happen but it was all in his mind.
Howard played a bit that the guys created using fake Mel Gibson where he sees Howard and yells about him.
Gary said he did run into Mel and someone introduced him. He said Mel told him to tell Howard to fuck off. Gary said he thinks he was joking and cracking a joke. Howard said he's kind of like Ronnie that way. Howard said maybe he's doing a Ronnie impression. He said that would change everything. Howard asked Gary what he said. Gary said he just said he had to go because he had to go do the Wrap Up Show.
Howard said Sour used to call Scott the Engineer at 9:19 every morning. Robin said maybe he ran up so many phone bills that the family went bankrupt.
Howard got back to the caller, Mike, who he was going to play the game with. Howard said this is the Beetlejuice TV Theme game. Howard said that it's so much fun. He said he has to get 3 out of 5 and he wins the speaker system. Howard said he has Mike from Ohio on the phone to play. Howard said what they did was play theme songs from popular TV shows and they even included the name of the theme in the song. Howard said Mike has to say if Beetlejuice can properly identify the song. Howard said they played him the Flintstones theme and asked if he knows what that is. Howard said this is practice so no pressure. Mike said Beetlejuice is a flip of a coin but he thinks he does know that. Howard said it is cartoon. Howard said he could know it. Beet knew it and said ''It's the Flintstones you moron.''
Howard said the next one they played was the Woody Woodpecker song. Howard asked Mike if he thinks Beetlejuice will know that one. Mike said he does not know that one. Howard played Beetlejuice saying ''Dafity duck.''
Howard said Mike is on the board. Howard said they played this next one which was the ''Three's Company'' theme. Howard asked Mike if he thinks Beetlejuice knows that one. Mike said he's saying no on that one. Howard played Beetlejuice saying ''Jack Tripper... knock on my door... Three's Company, dude.'' He got that one right. Mike got it wrong.
Howard said they played Beetlejuice this next one and it was ''The Addams Family'' theme song. Howard asked Mike what he thinks. Mike said he thinks that he will know it. Howard played Beetlejuice saying ''What you think I don't know that... it's the handle flammy you asshole.'' Howard said he's giving him that one even though it wasn't clear.
Howard said they played him the Beverly Hillbillys theme next. Mike said he's going to say yes to that one too. Howard said it is in reruns. Howard played Beetlejuice saying ''It's Cango Cowboy.'' Howard said he has to hear that one again. Howard played him saying Cango Cowboy again.
Howard said Mike has 2 right and 2 wrong and he has one left. Howard said they played Beetlejuice the ''Batman'' theme song. Howard asked if Beetlejuice will get that right. Mike said he's going to say that Beetlejuice will get it right. Howard played Beetlejuice saying ''It's calendar... I know who it is.'' Howard said he can't give Mike the prize. He said he gave it his best shot. Howard said he can't give him the prize. Howard said it was so close. He let Mike go. Robin said you can't predict the Beet. Howard said he can take a break and play another round. Robin said she's still back on Three's Company and how he knew Jack Tripper's name.
Howard had a guy from Canada on the phone. He asked if he can play. Gary said they're checking on it. Gary said the answer is no. Howard said Bruno can't play. Bruno asked if Howard about the countless interviews Howard has with celebrities and if he has any that he didn't have a good interview with. Howard said what he thinks he's asking if he has had any regrets with any interviews. Howard said there are some when he wished he had asked more questions. He said he has a list of those people in case they come back in there. Howard said he has things that he wanted to ask Billy Joel. Howard said he can look it up quick. Howard looked up the list and said he has the following people on the list. Howard said it was Dan Rather, Rob Lowe, Larry David and Peter Frampton. Howard said there are more from early on in his career that he'd like to have a do over with. He said Eddie Murphy is one. Robin said the big one is Robin Williams and that can't be done. Howard said unless they dig him up and bring him in there. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and listened to the James Brown song for a few seconds. Howard said he has to get back to the Beetlejuice game so he can give away that SVS sound system. They had Beetlejuice singing one of his original songs.
Howard took a call from a woman named Stacy who asked if Howard ever found the bowls that he wanted to mix his paints in. She said they sent him these bowls and she never got anything thanking her. Howard said he's going to say this with peace and love. He said he wishes people would not send him things. Howard said a lot of that stuff doesn't pass through his hands. Howard said 99 percent of it is stuff he wouldn't like so he never sees it. Stacy said she begs to differ. She said Howard didn't even see it. Howard said that's what he just said. Stacy said the person doesn't know him well enough. Howard said he asked Gary to at least write a note. Howard said he was just told that Eric the Actor was buried in the tiny bowl she sent.
Howard said that he's saying this with peace and love that all bowls will be tossed. Stacy said if Howard can stop by her Paint Your Own Pottery place. Howard said he thinks that was a plug. Stacy said she didn't name the place. Howard said he has to get to this game.
Howard said he's going to play the Beetlejuice game with Stacy now. Howard asked if she's married. Stacy said she is and her husband is a vet. Howard told her to thank him for his service.
Howard got to the game and played the Andy Griffith Show theme song. Stacy said no. Beet will not know it. Howard said she knows what she knows. Howard played Beetlejuice saying ''It's the Ampa Griffin (Andy Griffith) Show...''
Howard said Stacy only has to get 3 more right. Howard played the Jetsons theme song. Stacy said she thinks Beetlejuice will know that one. Howard played Beetlejuice saying ''It's Bugs Bunny show.''
Howard said Stacy has to get all three right. Stacy said she'll take her time this time. Howard played the Honeymooners theme song. Howard asked Stacy what she thinks. Stacy asked Robin. Stacy said she'll go with Robin and say no. Howard played Beetlejuice saying ''That's the fucking Honeymooners.'' Howard said Stacy got knocked right out. Howard said she got all three wrong. Howard said he bets she thought she could win. Stacy said she did. She said she has a college degree and she shouldn't have gone. Howard asked what college that was. She said it was Adelphi. Robin said that's Gary's alma mater.
Howard said he wants to give this speaker system away but he only has 4 more clips. Gary said he can put up another one. Howard got a woman named Liz on the phone. Howard asked if she's going to give him a hard time about bowls. Howard said he liked that Stacy thought Adelphi was a college. Howard said he has 5 clips now. He asked if Liz wants to play. Liz said she does. Howard said she's from North Carolina. Liz said she moved there from New York. She said that she lives in a house now but she misses out on the fun things in the city.
Howard said he thinks he'd do better in a place like North Carolina. Howard said he doesn't go to theater or anything. Howard said he could have a huge palace and it would cost him nothing. Liz said it gets boring there though. Howard said he's never bored and he never leaves the house. Howard said as long as he has his own room he's fine. Robin said the scenery might not inspire him. Howard said he likes North Carolina even though he's never been there.
Howard got to the game and played a clip of the Gilligan's Island theme song. Howard asked Liz if she thinks Beetlejuice will know that one. Liz said she will say he does know it. Howard played Beetlejuice saying ''Oh the Gilligan Island.'' Close enough.
Howard played the theme for The Simpsons. Howard asked if Liz thinks Beetlejuice will know that one. Liz said she will go with yes. Howard played Beetlejuice saying ''That's the Love Boat (or Lobo) you can't fool me...''
Howard played a clip of the theme for ''Happy Days'' and asked if Liz thinks Beetlejuice will know that. Liz said she's going with yes. Howard said Beetlejuice knows what he knows because he's Beetle. Howard played Beetlejuice saying ''Oh the Fonz brother... the Happy Days.''
Howard played the theme for ''Sesame Street'' and asked Liz if she thinks Beetlejuice will know that one. Liz said she's going to say Beetlejuice will not know that one. Howard played Beetlejuice saying ''Oh that's Sanford and Son'' or something like that.
Howard said Liz won the speaker system. She said she's very excited about that. Howard had Gary saying ''Noine, noine, noine dot noine, noine.'' Liz asked for a flat Ronnie too. Gary said they don't have any currently. He said they do have Ronnie magnets though. Howard said she can have one of those. Liz sounded happy about that. Howard said just put Ronnie in a box and send her that. Howard said Beet thought The Simpsons was the Love Boat theme. He played Beet trying to get that theme. Beet got that one right. Robin asked why he thought the Simpsons was the same. Howard told her to go ask Beetlejuice that question. Howard went to break after that.
Howard said he'd like to know who Sal is voting for. Howard said he made a list of people who he wants to hear from. He said it's Sal, Richard, Fred and Jon Hein. Howard said Gary has no idea who Jon is voting for. Gary said Jon doesn't like to talk politics. Howard said you should know. Howard said he'll press Jon on it and find out. Howard asked Jon who he's voting for.
Howard asked if Sal is voting for Trump. Sal came in and said he is and he has good, logical reasons. He said he's not racist. He said Trump has made it clear that he will not crack. He said he didn't crack after the ''grab the pussy'' thing. He said he just moves on. He said Hillary is falling apart like a leper. He said she's stumbling around and having a seizure. Howard said the two most important issues for Sal are grabbing by the pussy and stumbling around.
Howard said Jon Hein is there now. Howard asked Robin if she thinks Jon will talk about it or not. Robin said she thinks Jon will not reveal. Howard said Jon is like the president and he can't talk about it. Howard asked Fred what he thinks. Fred said he thinks with this one he will. Howard asked Jon who he voted for in the last election. Jon said he voted for Obama. Sal said ''Figures...'' Howard said he thinks Jon will reveal. Sal said this is a dunk shot now. He said it's a no brainer now. Howard asked Sal to leave after that.
Howard asked Jon what he's doing. Jon said he can't believe that his vote counts as much as Sal's does. He said he's voting for Hillary but he's not thrilled about it. He said this feels like the lesser of two evils. He said Hillary has a track record as a politician but he's not thrilled with it. Robin asked if he would have told Gary this. Jon said he would have but they talk about sports, their families and things like that. He said they don't talk politics. Howard asked if Gary does most of the talking. Jon said he may do more but it's not 80-20 or anything.
Howard asked Jon if his TV show co-host quit. Jon said he did leave for another job. He said the show goes on but there will be other people coming through to test out the job. Howard said he has a show on some channel. Jon said it's on SNY and it's called Loudmouths. Jon said he loved doing the show with that guy.
Howard said that last game of the World Series was something. Jon said he fell asleep. Robin said she came home and it was the 10th inning. Howard said they had a rain delay too. Jon said he was rooting for Cleveland. Howard said he thought they were going to have the whammy on them because of the Chief Wahoo thing. Howard said he loves Cleveland because they were always good to them. He said some guy wrote to him saying he's a fucking idiot like he had something to do with them losing. Howard said get over it dude. He doesn't have any magical powers. He said he can't control the game.
Howard said the Cubs Theo Epstein said ''fuck'' on TV the other night. Howard played a clip of him doing that.
Howard asked who Ronnie is voting for. Howard said he thinks he's not voting. Howard asked Jon who he thinks Ronnie is voting for. Ronnie said he didn't vote last year. He laughed and corrected himself saying he didn't vote last time. He said he didn't like Obama and the other guy. Howard asked if he just didn't vote. Ronnie said he's voting this time for Trump. Howard said Ronnie and Sal are for Trump and Jon is for Hillary. Ronnie said he hopes that Trump runs the country like a business.
Howard asked Fred who he's voting for. Fred said he's going with Hillary. He said Trump is in with the Russians. He said he cheats the system every time. He said he's greedy and he's mismanaging his businesses. He said that he buried a bunch of his businesses. Fred said Trump likes to kill the little guys in business. He said that Trump in 1992 was going to get bailed out by this woman and when he had to pay her commission he sued her to get out of paying her. Howard said he can't wait to hear Ronnie's rebuttal. Howard told him to go ahead. Ronnie said he just doesn't like ''her.'' He said they're like gypsies him and his wife (the Clintons). Fred said the country did pretty well with them in the 90s. Ronnie said that was the 90s. Fred told Ronnie to read some articles and watch some news and he'll see what's going on.
Howard said Ronnie is in a political debate. Robin asked who is winning. Howard said it's obvious. Ronnie said Fred thinks he's winning. He said Fred has facts. Ronnie said he votes by his feelings. He said he thinks this guy will give this country the chance to turn around.
Howard asked Ronnie what it is that Trump is going to do to turn things around. Ronnie said he's going to get rid of Obamacare. Fred said Trump says he's going to get rid of it but he doesn't tell you what he's going to replace it with. He just says it's going to be terrific.
Howard said they have to find out who Richard is voting for. Howard asked Ronnie if he's really voting. Ronnie said he is. Howard said Stephanie already voted. He said she sent in her absentee ballot.
Robin said she doesn't think Richard votes. Howard said he thinks Trump won Ronnie's vote when he said ''grab 'em by the pussy.'' Ronnie said of course.
Richard said he has voted in every election since he turned 18. He said he doesn't want to say who he's voting for. He said it's so divided. He said he has friends on both sides. Robin said that they have never had a president who has never held an elected office. Richard said no one gives a shit about him but he doesn't want to piss anyone off. He said Fred just got pissed at Ronnie. Fred said he's not pissed, he's just passionate. Richard said he voted for Mitt Romney last election. Howard said he also eats people's fart bubbles. Richard said his issue is high speed rail. He said in Europe they have it and it's amazing. Richard said he respects Brent so much that he did some research on Gary Johnson.
Gary said that Brent just came to him saying that republicans are very much against high speed rail. Richard said that he thinks Trump said he's for it.
Howard said Richard takes rail because he can bring his own booze. Richard said it's old fashioned too so he loves it. Howard asked why he's not looking it up if that's his issue. Richard said he still has time. Howard said just ask Brent. Richard said he's been planning on talking to him.
Howard said they got some songs about Richard taking baths with his friends. Ronnie said that's fucked up. Howard said this is one about him taking a bath. He played that song and Richard said it's a catchy tune.
Howard said Richard must be for Trump. Richard said he voted for Obama in 2008. Howard asked who else they have to find out about. Richard said JD. Howard said Gary is for Hillary. Howard said most of the guys are for Hillary. Ronnie asked how you can vote for Hillary. Ronnie said Sal had the best line of the morning when he said she has cancer of the legs.
Howard asked JD who he's voting for. JD said he's with her all the way. He was talking about Hillary. Richard asked about what he likes about her. JD said he likes what she says about planned parenthood. He said Trump is bullyisih too so he's not for that. Gary told Howard there was a plan for high speed rail that was voted down in Florida by the republicans.
Howard asked JD how things are going with his girlfriend in the new apartment. JD said it's working out. He said they're settling in and going shopping for stuff. Howard said soon it'll be marriage and then a baby carriage. Howard mumbled like JD for a second.
Howard took a call from ''Gay Richard'' who wanted to talk to Richard. The guy was doing a Richard impression talking about taking his balls down his throat so far they'll disappear. Richard said that's turning him on. Gay Richard was saying his smelly, sweaty balls are turning him on. He said he's all about fetishes. Howard said poor Sal is so jealous right now.
Howard had another song parody about Richard. That one was performed by Richard. Richard said he didn't write it but he did sing it.
Howard asked if anyone wants to hear Bobo's thoughts on the election. Howard took the call and Bobo said they have to get rid of common core math. He said you can't even work on it with your child. Fred said he doesn't know what he means. Fred said maybe they're doing Bobo a favor if he can't deal with it.
Bobo said the prescription drugs are too high and they want to raise the roof on retirement. Howard said common core is a standard for students. Bobo said it's horrible. Bobo said that they do math in a way that's not as easy as it used to be. He said the kids have to figure out how they arrive at the answer. Howard said it's difficult for Bobo because he has an 80 IQ. Bobo said even the teachers don't like it. He said he's gone to open houses about it. Fred asked what he wants to happen. Bobo said he wants it to go back to the way it used to be.
Howard asked Bobo what 9x8 is. Bobo said it's 72. Howard asked why. Bobo said he just knows that's what it is. Bobo said now they have to write out a whole formula about how they got to it. Howard said he has to get the fuck out of this. He hung up on Bobo.
Howard said imagine Bobo and common core. Fred said there is nothing wrong with hiring a tutor or doing flash cards with his kid. Howard played a song parody about Bobo after that.
Howard recapped and mentioned who everyone was voting for. Gary said he thinks Richard is for Trump. Richard said he's not saying that. Howard said just say it. Richard said even them going on about it is upsetting. He said he doesn't want to upset anyone about who he's voting for. Howard said he won't give it a second thought about it. Richard asked why he wants to know then. Howard said just say it. Richard said Sal will be upset if he doesn't say he's voting for Trump. Howard asked if he's afraid of Sal. Richard said he's not. Howard said Sal is a moron.
Richard said the religion thing bothers him about republicans. He said that he will probably vote for Hillary. He said he doesn't feel strongly about either one. He said he's leaning toward Hillary though. He said he likes the high speed rail thing and the republicans are usually for that. Howard said he's all for infrastructure. Howard said he's with him on that.
Howard said Shuli is still going around saying he's undecided. Howard asked how you can be undecided. Howard said Shuli is that guy he wonders about. Howard asked how he doesn't know. Shuli said it's not cut and dry like it is for other people. Howard said he has to have feelings about it. Shuli said the whole career politician thing is scary to him. He said he's voting tomorrow but if he had to vote today he'd vote for Trump.
Howard said Sal is in the hall saying Richard is dead to him because he's voting for Hillary. Richard said people are so passionate about this that he didn't want to upset anyone.
Howard took a call from a guy saying he's from the Richard Christy fan club and he's out. He was screaming about how everyone is upset about this vote. He said he was Richard's number one fan and now he's going crazy.
Howard said Richard shouldn't have disclosed who he was voting for. Howard said he had no idea he was right. He didn't think people were passionate about who he was voting for. Richard said that guy may live in a storage unit.
Howard asked if they care about anyone else's vote there. Richard said Memet or Steve Nowicki. Howard thanked everyone for the poll they just had. He let everyone go and went to break.
Howard said it's funny that he made him the spokesperson because he lived in a lily white neighborhood. Howard played a clip of King talking about the neighborhood he grew up in. King said he calls the police if he sees any black people walking around in his neighborhood.
Howard said King claimed that he could tell what race someone was by the garbage they had. Howard played another clip where King was talking about garbage and seeing women's underwear in the garbage.
Howard said they gave King his own show on Howard 101. He called it Black on Black with Big Black. Howard said King talked about liking golden showers on the show. Howard played a clip of him talking about that.
Howard said King was obsessed with material things like faucets. He played a clip where he asked a caller about what kind of faucets he has in his house.
Howard said they're celebrating this monumental anniversary today. Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said that was a beautiful tribute. King asked Howard about some guy on the Wrap Up Show talking shit about him like he knew him. Howard asked who that guy is. Gary said it's Rahsaan. Howard asked if he was talking shit about him. Gary said he was just offended by what King was saying. Howard asked where Rahsaan is. Gary said he'll send him in.
Rahsaan came in and King went off on him for talking about him like he was a cartoon character. Rahsaan said he is. He said King is like a cartoon because he's playing it up for everyone there. King said Rahsaan is the one who is playing it up. King said he acts like he knows him but he doesn't know him at all.
Howard said this is like Game of Black Thrones. Rahsaan said he thinks King is upset he has a different view from him. King said he should listen to what he's saying and stop being against it. He said maybe he'll learn something. He said Rahsaan doesn't have more sneakers than him. Rahsaan said he doesn't have Moen faucets like him either. Howard said Rahsaan doesn't think King is his King. Rahsaan said not at all.
Howard asked Rahsaan who his favorite rapper is. Rahsaan said he was a Tupac was a big one in his life. King said he knew he was going to say that. Howard asked why that's bad to say. King asked why he would pick Tupac now with all of the great rappers out there. Rahsaan said that he was picking his favorite of all time. King said there are so many great ones out there. He rattled off a bunch.
Howard asked what Rahsaan's favorite sneaker is. Rahsaan said he has a bunch of Jordans. Rahsaan said his problem with King is that he feels like he plays into every black stereotype there is. Howard asked what type of sneaker he should be wearing. King was asking if he has any exclusive Jordans. Rahsaan said of course he does. He said King is the most materialistic asshat there is.
Howard asked King if he's cool in his book or not. King said he knows they look crazy and corny. He said he just knows it. King asked what kind of jeans he has on. Rahsaan said he has All Saints jeans. He said he's sorry he doesn't have whatever King has. King laughed when Rahsaan said what kind of jeans he has on. Howard asked what's wrong with that. Rahsaan said King just has some insecurity that he's trying to cover up. He said he's trying to show how he's better than everyone but he's just a clown. Rahsaan said they've been face to face before and King never said any of this to him. King said he's like Angry Black. He said he'd put his name on his license plate of his car. Rahsaan said he hasn't done that. King said Rahsaan would do it though.
King kept calling Rahsaan a corn ball. He asked how his dad did in his best year. Rahsaan asked why that matters. King said that his dad didn't even cross his mother fucking mind. Howard said his father isn't his king either. Rahsaan said King doesn't know anything about him. King said he knows him because he knows he ain't got nothing.
King asked who he's fucking. Rahsaan said he just got married. He said he doesn't get on the radio and talk crazy about his woman like King does.
Howard said Rahsaan's wedding announcement was in the NY Times. King said it just had to do with Howard. Rahsaan said every once in a while King does say something that makes him laugh. Howard said that's why they're celebrating him today.
King said that he saw a sink somewhere that they said was Howard's sink. Howard said get out of here. He said he doesn't want to talk about his sink. Howard let King and Rahsaan go and did a live commercial read after that.
Robin said Dave Chappelle is going to host Saturday Night Live this week. Howard said he's so confused by Dave. He said he used to be on the show all the time before he ran off to Africa and quit Comedy Central. Robin said they have not crossed paths. Robin said she's still a huge fan. Howard said maybe he just doesn't like getting up early. Robin said even Saturday Night Live couldn't figure out a way to make fun of Donald Trump and Hillary this past week. Robin said they had Alec Baldwin and Kate McKinnon break character and run out into the streets to bring love and unity to the voters.
Robin said she was watching a painter talking about water color paints and how trying to control the paint doesn't work out well. Howard said he doesn't know what the fuck she's talking about. Howard said just listen to him and you have to control the paint. Howard said that's bullshit. Robin read about a new book coming out which is about the 100 secrets of the art world. Howard asked what kind of jeans Robin has on right now. Robin said she's not wearing jeans.
Robin read about how the excrement from a breast fed baby was used by Picasso in one of his paintings. Robin said it had a unique texture and color that he could not recreate. Howard said that's bullshit. He said it just wanted to shock people. Howard said Fred's cock cheese is unique but he's not using that in his paintings. Howard said what people don't know is that The Last Supper was painted in Squirt.
Robin read a story about a police officer in Texas who gave a feces sandwich to a homeless person. Howard said that's horrible. Robin said the cop stuck it in a sandwich and handed it over. Robin said the mayor of the town said they had to fire him because he betrayed community values. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about the Country Music Awards and how the Dixie Chicks performed with Beyonce on the show. Robin said some people were upset about that. Robin had some of their performance. Robin said people are still questioning the Dixie Chick's patriotism. Howard played the clip and said it sounds good to him. Gary said JD told him that Natalie did try to yell out a ''Hit 'em with the Hein'' during that performance but you can't hear it. Howard said she really is a Howard Stern show fan.
Robin read a story about Leah Remini doing a show about Scientology. Robin said it's a docu-series about the religion and it's going to be on A&E and they have former members of the church talking about some horrible things that happened to them in the church. Robin had some audio from a trailer for the series. Howard asked if there are any zombies in the show. Robin laughed. Howard said he hasn't seen The Walking Dead this week yet. Robin said she thinks he'll like it.
Robin said she just saw a movie that Howard might like called ''The Man Who Knew Infinity.'' Robin told Howard about it and Howard said he can't watch it. He was upset that she said that the guy was brilliant but people wouldn't listen to him when he tried to share his brilliance. Howard went into his Bikram Yoga guy voice since the guy Robin was talking about was Indian. Howard did that voice for a few minutes coming up with crazy thoughts.
Robin read a story about Pope Francis speaking about how he's against building walls and how the best antidote to fear is... Howard guessed it was pussy. Robin said they're talking about the Pope here. Howard said it's god then. Robin said ''the best antidote to fear is mercy, not walls'' according to the Pope. Robin said that he didn't mention any of the presidential candidates by name in this speech.
Robin said Governor Chris Christy is speaking out for the first time since the Bridgegate case. Robin said he's saying that he didn't know anything about it. Robin had audio of Christy talking about that.
Robin read some news and had some clips about the election which is coming up tomorrow. Robin also talked about where Clinton and Trump will be watching from. Both of them were going to be in New York.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what the chances are that Trump will come back on the show if he's not elected. Howard said he doesn't know. Robin said she had a dream about that and how Trump refused to shake Howard's hand when he went to do that. Howard said he thinks Trump got spooked by the whole thing because they used clips of him form the show. Howard said he avoided them during the whole election. Howard said he understands that. The caller said he won't run again in 4 years. Howard said maybe he will. Howard said he's not sure if he'd want to have the fun he had in the past if he did come back on. Howard said his answer is probably not. Howard said he's looking at his Magic 8 Ball and said it's saying ''Reply Hazy.''
Robin read a story about a woman who turned in her dead husband's ballot in Tennessee so she's being investigated for voter fraud. Robin said the woman's husband passed away just days before she got the ballot. Robin said she's also been removed from her post as election judge.
Howard said he forgot to ask Benjy who he's voting for. Benjy came in a short time later but Howard didn't call for him. Benjy said he knows in Howard's heart that he thinks Hillary is corrupt. Howard said he does not think that at all. Benjy said he has told him that. Howard said he has not. Howard said he thinks he hears that in his dream. Benjy said everyone in the system is corrupt. Howard said he said that her husband was one of the greatest presidents we've ever had. Benjy said Howard thinks she's making money in a corrupt way. Gary said his minute is up. Howard kicked him out of the studio. Howard asked how it is out there. He said he forgot about him out there. Benjy said he hates it out there. Howard said he heard it's great. Benjy said he has so much anger. Howard said no one wants to hear it. Howard said be angry at himself, not him. Howard said now he has to go out. He kicked Benjy out again. He said he'll give him a minute some other time. Howard said he does not agree with anything Benjy said. He said it bothers him that people get out of office and become millionaires but that's the way the system works. Howard said Ronald Reagan got 2 million to speak for the Japanese Government. Howard said he thinks anyone who gets out of office is going to make millions.
Robin read a story about Gary Johnson and how he thinks he can be the Chicago Cubs of the presidential race. Robin had some audio of him talking about that in an interview on CNBC. Robin said he said it would be a shame if either Clinton or Trump wins. Howard asked what's wrong with that guy. He said one of those two will win.
Robin had some audio of Trump talking about Clinton and how corrupt things are now that the FBI has announced that they are not changing their views on Clinton after reviewing the latest email scandal. Howard said Trump was a big supporter of Clinton's at one time. Howard said now they're against each other. Howard said Trump was for Hillary when she was senator. Howard said he praised her. Howard said when you run for office you have to slam the other person.
Robin said Trump had a heckler at a speech the other day. Robin had some audio where people were chanting ''Trump'' to drown the guy out. Robin said the heckler was repeating what Trump said on Access Hollywood.
Robin said one man showed up to a rally for Trump and he had a sign saying ''Republican's for Hillary'' and Trump was rushed off the stage. Robin said later on they said that Trump returned to the stage after an assassination attempt but there was no attempt on his life.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that her family was screwed by Trump in the 70s. She said her father was a concrete guy in Jersey City and Trump just didn't pay. She said that the republicans should be ashamed to have this guy running. Howard said the show is very political today. He said he has to move on.
Robin said that Jon Bon Jovi, Bruce Springsteen, James Taylor, Beyonce and more celebrities have come out in support of Hillary. Robin had some audio of Hillary talking about what she's ready to do. Robin had audio of President Obama talking about voting and how important it is for this country. Robin read a story about people betting on the election.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wants to thank them for helping him decide on who to vote for. He said he was going to vote for Trump until Benjy came in and said he's voting for Trump. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about how a lot of shows on Broadway going dark tomorrow because of the election. Robin said they don't think they can compete with the election. Robin read about some of the shows that will be shut down for the night. Robin said some will go on like Hamilton and Lion King.
Robin read a story about Khloe Kardashian confirming a new relationship with a basketball player. Robin read about who she's dating now and had some audio of Jimmy Kimmel talking to Khloe about that.
Howard took a call from a guy who brought up the betting odds for the election. He said Hillary is favored at a 2 to 9 odds. Howard said he could never be a gambler. He said if he loses 10 cents he can't handle it. Howard said according to OddShark.com they're showing Clinton as the favorite too. Howard said you never know.
Robin read a story about Janet Reno passing away at the age of 78. Robin said she was the first woman to hold her position. Robin said she died of complications from Parkinson's disease.
Robin read a story about an earthquake in Oklahoma last night. Robin said it was a 5.0 and it was about 55 miles northeast of Oklahoma City. Howard was back in his Bikram Yoga guy doing that impression for Robin.
Robin read a story about a study done about trees and how they can be helpful around the world. Robin had some audio of someone talking about that.
Robin read a story about night driving and how some people have visibility issues from the glare from other cars. Howard said they should have more lights on the roads. He said it should be like daylight all the time. Robin had some audio of someone talking about night driving issues and how they can be a simple fix sometimes.
Robin read a story about how waking up tired after sleeping can be a problem. Robin had some audio of a doctor talking about the sleep problems. Howard said just go to sleep and stop complaining.
Robin read a story about how some items from Frank Zappa and his wife are up for auction. Robin read about some of the things that are up for auction. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:15am.
Howard started the show singing along to his opening song with ''Oy vey'' as the lyrics. Then they had Wendy the Slow Adult singing ''The Great American Nightmare.'' Howard sang along with her a little bit too. Robin asked if he calls that singing. Howard said he does.
Howard said he had a rough day yesterday. He said he's been developing a show for network TV and he was out pitching it and not one person picked up on it. He said he's been working on it for 5 years. He said it's very frustrating. Howard said he thinks it would be the number 1 show on TV. It's called ''Priest and Boy.'' Howard said he has the sizzle package to play. He said it's the priest and then you see the boy who is very young. Howard said the boy is an adult but he looks 14. Howard said he thought for sure they'd pick up on this. Howard played the sizzle packet for the show. They had a song for the theme. Then they played a clip of the priest going out and talking to people on the street about how he found the boy who was homeless. He was telling people on the street how the boy wants to watch him masturbate and things like that.
Howard said he brought it to FOX and they passed. Then NBC passed and then CBS passed and Les Moonves hated it. He said he tried to make it into a musical but that didn't work. Robin said she should have brought it to AMC. Howard said he didn't think of that. He said he liked this week's episode of The Walking Dead. He said even the WB told him to fuck off. He said he thinks the hip hop musical is a go though. He said everyone loves hip hop.
Howard took a call from the star of Priest and Boy. The guy said this play should work out great. He said the boy is a triple threat. The boy also got on the phone and told Howard about working with the priest. Howard said he brought the two of them to the pitch meetings. They performed a song for the musical. Howard said those two are great. He hung up on them and said he lost the connection.
Howard said that was just episode one. He said George Takei told him he had a hit on his hands. Howard did his George Takei voice and talked about how he knows how to lose money on Broadway like no one else.
Howard said that was a heavy show. He said it's very difficult to fill seats. Howard said George has that deep booming voice still. He said a lot of guys lose that timbre like his dad. Howard said his dad can't sing or talk like he used to. Howard played some old clips of his dad yelling at him and singing in that deep voice. Howard said it's sad that he can't do that anymore. Howard said George Takei has that timbre. He did more of his impression of George talking about Brad and his race horse physique and musculature.
Howard said he's going to talk to George about Priest And Boy. He said he had anther show called Holocaust on Ice that he pitched. Howard said he tried but Radio City wouldn't allow it. Howard said his shit's edgy.
Howard asked how sexy that was. Robin said she doesn't even know what he said in that garbled way he has. Fred did his Ronnie impression.
Howard said they had Lenny Dykstra make a phony phone call to a religious show. Howard said it didn't go over very well at all. Howard played the clip and they called the show with clips of Lenny talking about them holding his bat and had Lenny moaning and talking about eating pussy. Then they had him saying he'd slurp the woman's pussy like Minestrone soup. They kept him on the phone and said that's the devil right there. They kept him on for a few minutes before hanging up on him.
Howard played a clip of a guy being interviewed on the street asking if they could get him to pretend to be a good Samaritan who saved a woman. The guy did it and played along. Howard went to break after that.
Howard said ''Hit 'em with the Hein'' is getting bigger and bigger. He said he has some clips to play. He said he has one from an announcer at a Marine Corps Marathon saying ''Hit 'em with the Hein.'' Howard said that was used at the start of a marathon. Robin said it's becoming an institution.
Howard said a musical group called The Growlers are on 89.9 in Los Angeles. Howard played that clip and the band started a song with a ''Hit 'em with the Hein.'' Howard said that announcer sounded like he was from another planet. He was doing that announcer voice talking them up and then the band sounded like normal people. Howard did his impression of the announcer for a short time. Howard said the radio announcers want to sound sexy. Howard said that's what he sounds like when he's masturbating. Howard said singers sound professional when they sing and painters are able to paint a certain way. He said radio guys have the same level of talent but they have to change their voices to do something different.
Howard played another ''Hit 'em with the Hein'' clip where a guy yelled it out during a World Series post game show. Howard played a song parody about ''Hit 'em with the Hein'' too. He said everyone is doing it.
Howard took a call from a radio announcer complaining about him making fun of them. It was one of the guys in the back doing a lame DJ voice. He told Howard to go adopt a cat, fuckface.
Howard played a clip from the WWE Smackdown where The Miz got in a ''Hit 'em with the Hein.'' They also got in a Baba Booey in the argument that they were having.
Howard said Ron Howard is even saying ''Hit 'em with the Hein.'' He played a clip of Ron doing a bumper for them talking about Jon Hein creating ''Jump the shark'' for Happy Days so here's a ''Hit 'em with the Hein'' for Jon. Howard played another song parody about it too.
Howard said he asks Jon constantly if he's getting used to it and Jon says no. Howard said Jon really is low key. He said he does a TV show with some guys and he's so mellow. Howard said he talks very even tempered. Howard said you'd think on a sports show you'd need some energy. Howard said he does talk faster on the sports show. Howard said they must have given him some notes.
Howard said this guy Chris Carlin quit the show Jon is on and the guy cried when he was leaving. He said Jon told him he just sat there when he asked what he did when he started crying. Howard said the show is called Loudmouths and Jon has never been a loud mouth. Howard said you'd think this show was number 1 when this guy Chris left. Howard played a clip of Chris talking about how much he loved the show and the guys he worked with. His voice was cracking. Howard said this isn't the Tonight Show. He said he's making it seem that way. Howard said he was on SNY for 8 years.
Howard asked Jon Hein if he said anything to the guy. Jon said he just sat there. He said it was the last thing he was saying on the show so he just let him go. He said he thought it was a better thing to just let him emote. Howard said he gets it with Johnny Carson but not with something like this. Howard asked what Bette Midler sang to Johnny. Jon said Chris was there for 9 years. Howard asked if it's one of those shows that has more employees than viewers. Jon said they get pretty good ratings.
Jon said he thinks Howard will get upset when he retires. Howard said he doesn't think so. Jon said you do get emotional. He said Chris knew JD was going to love that clip. Howard played the audio of Bette Midler singing to Johnny Carson. Howard said he remembers Johnny wiping his eye like he was crying but he wasn't crying. Howard said he thinks Ed was blowing Johnny during this song. Howard asked Jon if he'll cry in his last Wrap Up Show. Jon said he thinks Gary will cry. Howard did his impression of Gary calling him Boff.
Howard said that guy Chris really lost it. He wondered who he is to judge anyone. Jon said sports fans are passionate about it. He said it got the best of him.
Howard asked Jon if he really didn't show nay emotion to this guy. Jon said he was empathic. JD said Jon was very straight faced. Howard said he loves JD. Robin said someone said JD made sense in his political rap yesterday.
Howard asked if Jon voted yet. Jon said no. He said he's going to try to get home before the polls close tonight at 9. Howard said he realized that Sal isn't going to vote. He said he'll go around saying that he will but Jon said he doesn't think Sal will. Jon said they'll never know. Howard said Sal is lazy and doesn't give a shit.
Sal came in and said he swears that he's going to vote. Howard said he won't. Howard said he was talking to some people about it and his vote doesn't count because he won't vote. Gary asked where he's voting. Sal said wherever he can. He said he swears he has voted. Howard asked where he's going. Sal said he has voted at a school. Howard said Sal doesn't know. Sal said he doesn't know the name of the school. He said he voted for that idiot Obama which was the biggest mistake of his life. Sal said he votes. He asked if Robin is voting. Robin said she is.
Gary asked if Sal is registered to vote. Sal said he is. He said he went to the post office and he was a registered democrat when Obama was running. Sal said he voted in the last election. Sal said he registered in 2008. He said now he's voting for Trump today at a school. Howard asked if he knows what to do. Sal said he knows. He said he's going in to pull the lever.
Howard asked who Trump's running mate is. Sal knew it was Pence. Sal said the guy is a little fugazi to him. Robin asked what that is. Sal said it means shady. Howard said Sal got a hair cut. He asked how his plugs are working out. Sal said the back is kind of thinning out. Jon said it's not looking good back there. Sal said he spent a lot of money for that. He said it was a little more than 8 grand. Howard said he's a big show business force so he knows why he has to keep that going.
Howard said he has a guy on the phone who wants to audition to be Jon's host. He had Memet on the line crying about being on SNY. He said more people watch Benjy's Periscope. Howard thanked him and let him go.
Howard asked if Jason is still saying ''Hit 'em with the Hein'' every day. Jon said he doesn't have to do it. He said it's at that point. Howard said he did it to Jon one day and felt really bad about it. He said it went horribly. Robin asked if he does the Baba Booey thing to Gary off the air. Howard said he doesn't think he does. Gary said he doesn't think he does. Howard said he has but not anymore. Howard asked Jon if he was upset when he did the ''Hit 'em with the Hein'' thing. Jon said no.
Howard said he has another ''Hit 'em with the Hein'' from a TV news program. Howard played that and said he has another one from Bloomberg TV host Mark Halprin. Howard played that and Mark threw in a Baba Booey and a ''Hit 'em with the Hein.'' Howard said it's everywhere. He played one where Chris Jacobs was doing a talk up of a car on a Barrett Jackson auto auction show.
Howard played another song parody about ''Hit 'em with the Hein.'' Howard played a clip from the FOX show ''Son of Zorn'' where they got in a ''Hit 'em with the Hein.'' Howard said Natalie Maines has been using it on stage too. Howard said it's all over the place. He played another ''Hit 'em with the Hein'' song parody too.
Howard said people always ask how it sounds if you want to say it in Arabic. Howard played a clip of a guy saying it in Arabic. Howard had it in French, German, Hebrew and Spanish too. Howard played another ''Hit 'em with the Hein'' song parody and went to break.
Howard said he has Donald Trump on the phone. He said the big day is finally here. Howard took the call from fake Donald. The guys in the back were playing pre-recorded clips of fake Donald. Howard asked why he's so confident. Donald said he has the support of Tommy from Malden who sounds like a rocket scientist to him. Fake Donald talked about how he has no worries about black people voting because they don't get up early. Howard said Robin is there early. Donald said that he's talking about the real blacks who are walking around with boom boxes and spray paint with their pants hanging down.
Howard asked Donald if he's coming back to the show. Donald said he will if he brings back the bit where he throws baloney at girl's asses. Howard said the show has changed.
Howard went through the polls with Donald and Donald said polls suck and Trump rules. Howard said some people say he cherry picks the polls to make it look like he's going to win.
Robin tried to ask a question and Trump said Lets Make America Shut The Fuck Up Again. Howard said he'll ask questions for Robin. Howard asked Trump about Angela Merkel and Trump said she grabbed his pussy.
Howard asked Trump about the FBI investigation into Clinton's email. Trump said he's part of the FBI. He said what he means is that he has a t-shirt that says FBI which stands for Federal Boob Inspector.
Howard asked if Trump is going to build a wall. Trump said people like to hear that. Howard said he just said he's not going to build a wall. Trump said he didn't say that and he means he didn't say the word ''that.''
Donald said that he's out and said ''click.'' He faked a hang up after that too. He did the phone tone sound. He said Robin is going to be his next wife. He said he really voted for Hillary. Howard tried to hang up on Donald but the guys kept playing him saying ''no.''
Howard played a clip of people talking about how much they hate Hillary. He had one where the guy said he hates Hillary more than Hitler. Howard said he doesn't care if you're for Trump but to say Hillary is worse is out there. Howard played another clip where a guy gave his favorite racial slurs and talked about banging Hillary's daughter. Wolfie said they're very angry.
Howard said he found a racist Philippino voter. Howard played that interview and the guy was talking about how he thinks blacks and Hispanics are not smart and they don't have any values. That guy was also saying Hillary is worse than Hitler and he's not sure that she didn't kill millions of Jews.
Howard had a clip of a guy talking about blacks not voting for Trump for some wacky reasons. Howard had another guy who Wolfie described as being really paranoid about the government. Howard played that and the guy said he feels like he's being followed and monitored all the time so he turns his phone off. Howard said Wolfie said that guy had bugs flying off of him like fleas or something. Howard played audio of Wolfie asking him about that. The guy had no idea what he was talking about. Wolfie questioned him about it but the guy had no idea what he was talking about. Wolfie kept asking but the guy kept saying he didn't know. Wolfie said the guy was staring right at it and he denied it was there. Howard said Wolfie said he was one of the grossest people he's ever interviewed. Wolfie said he was the only guy who would talk to him.
Wolfie said he flicked the bug off of him and he was freaking out the rest of the day scratching himself. He said he's never seen anything like that before. Howard said even Big Foot doesn't have bugs on him. Wolfie said he could see the bugs all over this guy. He said the plaque on his teeth was gross too and you could see the progression of it on his teeth. Howard said he's seen that there. Howard said the guy is like a leper. Wolfie said the guy said he has tried to give politicians t-shirts and Mike Pence was one of the guys. Howard said Trump is a germophobe so he must be freaking out.
Howard played a clip of Wolfie interviewing a woman who watches nothing but FOX News all day and she says that Hillary supporters are brain washed. Howard played another clip of someone mentioning Scott Baio talking about how Trump saying the things he said is just locker room talk.
Wolfie said one person had all of these catch phrases. He said the person thought Trump said that he was going to clean the swamp but it's actually ''drain the swamp.''
Howard said Wolfie's mother is voting for Trump. Wolfie said she says she's going to lose her mind if Hillary wins. Howard said whoever becomes president doesn't do anything anyway. He said it's almost impossible to get anything done. Robin said congress doesn't work with outsiders. Robin said they don't like people telling them they don't know what they're doing. Howard said that's what Scott Baio says too. Howard said what he respects about Scott Baio is that in every episode he was around Fonzie and Fonzie was a genius. Howard said he could bang on a record player and make it work. Wolfie said that he was in charge of the kids on Charles in Charge too and that's not easy.
Wolfie said his mother was lecturing kids about the election. Howard said he should interview his mother about Hillary. Wolfie said he will do that. Howard said his mom doesn't monitor anything she says to kids. Howard said no wonder Wolfie is so fucked up. Howard let him go after that. Howard said just get his mother on microphone. He said he doesn't have to be out interviewing guys covered in bugs.
The caller asked who on the staff has had the most Poseidon's kisses. Howard asked if he's serious. The guy said he is. He said he thinks it's Benjy. Howard said the guys are saying that it happens all the time there at Sirius. Howard said he has no water in his toilets at home.
Gary said that one of the guys said it does happen. Howard asked if Gary has that there. Gary said he's trying to think if it happens. Gary said the toilets there are so disgusting. He said it happens a lot when there's shit all over the bowl. Howard said he doesn't get why it happens at radio stations. Gary said he goes upstairs to go to the bathroom. He said the one down there is the one celebrities use. He said you go in there and all of the stalls are full and everyone is taking a shit at once.
Howard said Memet has said there are turds in the toilet and there's no toilet paper. Howard asked how that happens. He said he was going to throw up just talking about it. Howard asked what's going on around there. Howard said profits are up so maybe hire someone to clean up the toilets. Gary said they're the first ones there in the morning so maybe the overnight people aren't caring for it. Howard said just grab someone from radio Andy and make them a bathroom attendant.
Gary said another thing that happens is that they have paper towels left on the counter. He said people take handfuls and leave them all over. He said they leave them in the sink so the sink backs up. Howard asked why they don't clean up 3 times a day. Gary said they should have an hourly attendant. Howard said they have channels there that no one listens to. Howard said they have hosts that no one listens to. Howard said his wife knows someone who was offered a radio show there. Howard said he wonders on what planet anyone would care about that.
Gary said he was just handed a note saying that bathroom attendants have been hired. Howard said that's good. Howard said he heard people shave in the sink there too. Howard asked who has to do that and can't do it at home. Howard said they had a guy at K-Rock and they had an AM station and an FM station. He said they had hair lice in the sink. Gary remembered that. Howard said some guy used to brush his hair there. Gary said they thought it might have been pubes. He said they were in the sink every morning. Howard said maybe it was pubes. Gary said they had a guy who was shitting in the toilet and bombing it every night because he was angry at the station. They'd shit on the wall and on the seat. Robin said that's a lot of effort.
Howard said Steve Nowicki was telling him the bathroom smells like diarrhea every morning. Gary said the bathroom fills up by lunch time and sometimes you can smell it by the reception area. Howard said he was watching The Walking Dead last night and the lobby at Sirius is like the torture area. He said they play one of the music channels super loud there. He said that they don't give a shit about the receptionist there. He said the music is pounding and they have the shit stink there too. Howard asked how it's different than The Walking Dead. Howard said there are people who do the marathon who can't run as fast as he does through that lobby.
Howard said Steve was saying that he soaps and scrubs the toilet seat before he shits. Howard said they need a guy to do that for the company. The caller said he uses Clorox wipes to clean the seat at work. He said people piss on the seat.
Howard said he knows a guy who removes all of his clothes in the bathroom. He said he has asked the guy why he does that and it's because he doesn't want his pants on the floor when he's sitting on the bowl.
Gary said his son told him about a friend they have that has to shit nude. Gary said he thinks it's just a thing some people do.
Gary showed Howard a picture from the bathroom there. Howard said Robin's going to puke if she sees it. Robin took a look and said ''Oh my god.'' She said she doesn't understand how that happens.
Howard asked if they should do the bit where they give people a minute to talk about something. Howard asked the caller if he should do that. The caller said he thinks he should do it. He said they have a lot of interesting opinions there. He said they have to get Benjy back in the studio because he has a lot of good input. Howard said he's very good outside the studio actually.
Gary said the Jets lost this weekend and they didn't play well. He said a couple of the guys were late to meetings and they were benched for the quarter. Howard said Benjy does a good job but he doesn't see him running in when he's getting to work. Howard said Benjy is running in and out all the time. Gary said Benjy is very sad out there. Howard said Benjy did it and he doesn't feel bad about it at all.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's jerking off in the bathroom right now. Howard took the call and the guy said there's shit and piss everywhere. He said maybe the bathroom attendant can jerk him off. Howard had another guy shitting in the bathroom and he said it was gross that someone was jerking off. Both guys were calling from the back office making it up.
Howard asked if the guy filled the entire bowl. He said he works at 80s on 8. He had clips of shitting sounds playing behind him. Howard asked if he shits on the bowl and on the wall. The guy said that Human Newman just made a 5 foot shit log. Howard said he thinks this is Human Newman.
Howard said he has another guy jerking off in the bathroom here. Howard asked where he works. The guy said he doesn't even work there. He just goes there to jerk off.
Gary said that noise in the call is what it sounds like in there. He said he tries to be quiet when he goes but some people don't even try.
Howard asked Robin if she can do it. Robin said she can. She said she's got a minute counting down. Howard said she has some ability to use the phone.
Gary asked who they should start with. Howard said maybe they should let Benjy make his plea. Howard said Benjy really fucked up. He said he doesn't even belong in there anymore. He said he sees no advantage to him being in there now. The caller said he thinks it's funny when Benjy is in there. Howard said Gary says he's grosser than ever. Gary said he's big and he wears the same outfits multiple days in a row. He said he's wearing the same thing today that he wore yesterday. He said he's also very blotchy. He said his hair isn't combed or anything. He said if he didn't work there you'd think he was lost.
Howard said one of the guys said Benjy has a mildew smell about him too. Howard said he'll give that person all the time he wants to talk about it. Will said that person won't come in to talk about it. Gary said Benjy once wore a shirt for a year and then turned it inside out and wore it for another year.
Howard said he wants to give Benjy his one minute but not a second over. Howard had Benjy come in. He said he is a fucking mess. Howard said he's going to give him one minute and that's it. Howard had Robin start her timer. Benjy gave his thoughts on why people should vote for Trump. Benjy went on about how Hillary is corrupt and why he thinks she is. Benjy said Howard is making remarks and he won't defend this. Howard and Robin told him to just go. Benjy said he and Howard made eye contact the other day and he liked the look Howard gave him. The time was up so Howard told him to get out. Howard said he thought he was going to plea to get back in the studio. Howard told him to get out and then asked him to clean up his look. Howard said he wanted the plea to come back in the studio. He said he fucked up.
The caller said that was pitiful. Howard said he was going to interrupt but he stared at him the whole time in a creepy way. Howard said he could have just made his arguments for coming back in the studio. Robin said he totally choked.
Fred asked if they want to give him another minute. Howard said no. Fred said he fucked himself up. Howard said he wants that minute back. He said that was a fucked up bit. Robin said it went on for just a minute but at 20 seconds in it seemed like it was longer.
Howard said before the next minute he should break the tension with a phony phone call. Howard said they took tape of Medicated Pete and called a right wing show. Howard said the guy gets completely annoyed with Pete. Howard played the call and they had Pete asking the guy ''what's up'' over and over until the guy freaked out on him. They kept Pete on the phone for a couple of minutes freaking out about the call.
Howard played a Ronnie sex tip for election day. He was talking about going to the polls with your own poll and wiping your jizz on the curtain after jerking off.
Howard said that ''what's up'' call was great. Robin said they must not get any calls. Howard said it's really weird giving people one minute to talk. Howard said he knows what he'd do if he had a minute. The caller said that really sucked with Benjy. Howard said there's lots of weird shit going down with the election today. Howard asked if there are any reports about it. Robin said it's still early so polls are just opening. Robin said that town in New Hampshire has already voted and Hillary won that. Robin said they had one write in vote for Mitt Romney. Robin said she thinks it's Dix Hills Knot or something like that. Howard said one of his guys saw 100 people in line at 6am in New York City. Howard said it's usually dead.
Robin said people are saying that you can't vote by text. Robin said there are some people saying you can and it's not true.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked him to please fire Benjy. He said he pays for a subscription for Howard and when Benjy is late it takes away the fun. Howard said Benjy is in the hall now and he thought he was going to appeal to come back in the studio. He said he thinks he blew it. Gary said he talked to him and he was confused by it. Howard said he gave him a minute to talk about whatever he wants. The caller said he drives 40 minutes one way to work. He said he brings home maybe $400-500 a week. He said his wife can't work because she's blind and she's in constant pain from Lupus. He said he works at a warehouse where he's lifting all day. He said he has a quota for lifting every day. Howard said he's going to have him switch with Benjy for a day. He said maybe that will get him in line. Howard said he has to be like Negan on The Walking Dead.
Howard said there's a guy in Utah who is getting more votes than Trump and Clinton. He has a clip of another guy who is in support of Trump so he's making robocalls to people telling people what's wrong with this other guy Evan McMullin. The guy said he thinks that this guy is a closeted homosexual because he isn't married and doesn't even have a girlfriend. Howard said that was pretty heavy.
Howard said he thinks everyone is ready for this election to be over. Howard said he hopes they have an answer about it tonight. Howard did an impression of that robocall guy for a short time. He was making up all kinds of wacky stuff that the guy could say the guy was doing. Howard asked if he should keep going. Robin said she thinks so. Howard kept it up for a little longer.
Howard said he wants to make robocalls himself. He said it's kind of fun. He went back into the voice and made up more stuff that Evan McMullin is doing.
Howard asked who is next to get a minute to talk. Robin said JD is one who wants to say something. Howard said JD wants to talk about this Khloe Kardashian thing he saw. Howard said Kendall Jenner was given a Rolls Royce as a birthday gift. Howard said she's so drunk that she didn't remember that it was given to her. Howard played a clip of Khloe talking about that on Jimmy Kimmel's show. Khloe said Kendall was so drunk she forgot all about it. Howard said this guy was a prince or something and that was like $10 to normal people. Howard said JD heard that and went berserk.
Howard played a clip of JD doing his ''Beef of the Week'' where he talked about that segment he just played. JD was going off on her about getting a car like that and wondering if she has any idea how long it takes some people to save up for a regular car.
Gary said that's not the minute that JD wants to get on the air. He said that was just his beef of the week. Howard said that sounded like pure jealousy from JD. JD said the whole situation is ridiculous. Howard asked who he's angry at. JD said it's more with the prince and the people who allow this behavior to happen. He said it's celebrity fandom and all of that. Howard said he doesn't even really care about it. Robin said she got a car so good for her. JD asked what she did. Robin said you don't have to do anything for a gift. They played a JD song parody.
Howard said JD has one minute to talk and that's it. JD said he may not even talk the full minute. Robin said he has to use the full minute. Howard said he should have to use that full minute. He said even if he's quiet they don't talk. Robin also said she's the official timer. She said Fred played a clip a second early before. Fred said he has a timer that's 57 seconds and he waits 2 seconds to start it.
Howard told Fred to let Robin have this. He had JD start his minute. JD said he's going for Hillary and he thinks that if they have to vote out anyone who doesn't want to deal with her. He also said vote no on proposition 60 which is forcing condoms into porn. He started laughing. JD said it ruins privacy. He also wondered if Howard watched Commando this weekend. He said that's basically it. He ran out of stuff to talk about. his time was up a few seconds later. Howard said that was the longest minute of his life. He said it makes you realize how long a minute really is.
Howard did an impression of JD doing his minute long speech and said he only got a few things out of that. He said he's not sure what he said. Robin said he was saying vote democratic. Howard said he did rent Commando but he hasn't watched it yet. He said he has 28 days to watch it. Howard said he will watch it.
Howard said he learned something from that minute. He learned that time is precious and a minute is long.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has a big problem there. Howard asked if it's his masturbation or going to therapy 4 times a week. The caller said the problem is his phone connection because it just got cut off.
Howard said Jeff the Drunk wants a minute to talk too. Howard said he has a horrible phone connection though. Howard asked if he has a hard line. Jeff told him to hold on. Robin said he's doing the Periscope thing. Howard let him stay on and gave him his minute to talk.
Howard said The Lump wants in on this too. Jeff said that's not right. The Lump said he gets at least 40 seconds of his minute. Jeff hung up. Howard said The Lump scared him off.
Howard said Hitler wants a minute too. He picked up on fake Hitler who he gave one minute to. The guys in the back played audio of one of Hitler's speeches. Howard hung up after a few seconds of that. Howard said he's yelling at you and he can't take it. He said he did charge people up with that though. He said these days if you yell it's a turn off. Howard said that German is such a beautiful language. He said it's so romantic.
Howard asked who gets the next minute. Robin asked if Jason wants in. Howard said Jason is lobbying but people really don't like it when he talks. He said Richard, Scott the Engineer and Brent want a minute. Howard asked if Fred wants a minute. Fred said he'd rather hear Scott talk for a minute.
Howard said they have meetings every week and Scott is there. He said he just looked like he wanted to die already in the meeting. Fred said maybe a minute uninterrupted it would be good. Howard said Scott did that Bailey the Bedbug bit once and it was awful. Howard said he went out and got a web site because he thought it was going to happen. Howard played the awful bit Scott did. Howard said that's the worst most amateurish bit he's ever heard. He said he's starting a new show called Saturday Night Dead. He said he was staring at Scott in the meeting and he wasn't sure why he was even there. He asked when they're going to stop that charade.
Howard asked if they really want to hear Scott talk for a minute. He said that's a whole minute of his life. Fred said maybe he'll come in and blow everyone away with his eloquence. Howard said it's just not going to happen. Howard said he's talked to Scott before in his studio and he can't take it for more than a few seconds. Gary said he does have a topic. Howard said he's deciding if he wants to hear it. Howard had Gary send Scott in.
Scott the Engineer came in and Howard said Scott looked awful the other day in the meeting. Howard said he deflated him. He said he was saying that things can change there and they were giving their thoughts. Howard said Scott just looked defeated.
Howard said this is going to be the worst minute ever on this show. Howard had Scott start. Scott said that his topic is Medicaid. He said he has an issue in his family about long term care and Medicaid doesn't work for him based on the money he has. He said the middle class is stuck and there's nothing you can do about it. He said we need someone to help the middle class out.
Once Scott's minute was up Howard said that was good. He said he has a lot of people who are going through the same thing. He said Scott is not lying about that. Howard said the fact is that you have to have zero income to get full care. Scott said he's going to have to go bankrupt to get it. Scott said all of his assets are taken right away. He said they want you to have nothing. He said it's very upsetting to him. Howard asked what the solution is. Scott said he's not sure what it is. Howard said don't talk to him about it. Scott said they have good insurance there but it doesn't cover this. Howard said he's bumming everyone out now. Howard told him to get out. Howard said he does know that the answer isn't Bailey the Bedbug.
Howard said he did have a good topic. Howard said he has Fred the Elephant Boy on the phone too. Howard said they can give him a minute to talk too. Howard told Fred to start and he ran out of steam about 15 seconds into it. He also threw in a fuck you to High Pitch Erik and told people to vote for none of the above. He ran out of things to say but they didn't talk until his time was up. Howard said he kind of followed it which was weird.
Howard wondered what would happen if they gave Ronnie a minute. He said Scott was a surprise. Howard said JD is for no condoms in porn which is a weird topic. Robin said there was some thing about how they were going to release names or something. Fred said he's not sure what he was talking about. Fred said he wants to give Benjy another minute to lobby to get back in there. He said he wants to hear his reasons. Howard said he's had him in the studio for over 20 years and he gets distracted when he comes in late.
Howard said Richard wanted a minute. Howard took a call from a guy but that guy hung up. Howard said he doesn't know what happened there. Howard took another call from Jeff the Drunk who was pissed about The Lump ruining it for him earlier. Jeff said The Lump can suck his dick. Howard asked if they should give him a minute without The Lump. Jeff said he had it removed. Howard said it's still part of him. Robin said she wants him to sink on his own. Howard said he'll give him his minute then. Howard told Jeff to go. Jeff said he feels they should legalize marijuana because the tax dollars would pay for a lot. Howard got The Lump back on the line and Jeff kept going. Jeff said the sales of Doritos would go through the roof if marijuana was legal. Jeff said he has to take a hit right now. Jeff took a hit and started coughing. Jeff said in closing he wanted to say something. Howard said his minute was up. Howard hung up on him after that.
Howard took a call from High Pitch Erik but Jeff was still coughing so he kept him on too. Howard said he's killing himself with weed. Jeff started to cough but it only lasted a second. Erik told him to stop smoking. Erik wanted a minute to speak. Howard let Jeff go.
Howard gave Erik his minute to speak. Erik said he went to vote for Hillary this morning. He said he was frustrated with the voting. He said Joey Boots had to help him. He said he hates the new way they make you vote. Erik said his minute is up. Howard and Robin stayed silent while the rest of his minute was counting down. Erik kept asking for Howard but there was no answer. His minute was up about 45 seconds later. Howard said his minute is up now. Howard said they said they weren't going to interrupt for a minute. Howard said he thought he was for Trump. Erik said he had to vote Howard's way so he voted for Hillary. Robin asked what was wrong with the voting. Erik said something about his dad voting for Hillary too. Erik said the problem is that you have to scan the paper and he double voted when he wrote on the paper with the pen. Howard thanked him and let him go. Howard said Erik had no concept that he had a minute to kill and he just stopped talking.
Howard said Sour called Jon Hein as Gary at 9:19 on 9/19. Howard played audio of Sour's call and him saying ''noine' over and over again. He worked that into ''Hein.''
Howard said this goes on and on. He said they can't get in touch with him though. Robin said he has changed his numbers obviously.
Howard cut Lenny off after his minute was up. Howard said he's aroused after that. Robin said he has to do a lot more talking for her to be convinced to be with him. Robin said she's a little nauseous from hearing that.
Howard said he has more people to hear from. Howard said he has Sal and Steve Nowicki too. Howard said no one even knows who that is. Howard had Steve come in to do his minute. Steve said he made a replica of a Van Halen guitar and he thinks his is the most precise and he wants Eddie to come in for an interview and he can come in with the guitar and maybe Eddie can play it. He said he thinks it would be awesome. Howard asked where that guitar is. Steve said it's in his apartment. Howard told him to bring it in so he can smash it over his head. Howard said have him removed from the building. Howard asked what the point of that is. Steve said he wants to get it signed. He said he's a big fan and he spent about 3 months replicating the guitar. Fred said he's not sure he would have spent that minute talking about that. Gary said this is his second Eddie Van Halen guitar replica. Howard said it's weird. Howard said here is no point to it. Steve said he made a replica of the studio a few years ago. Howard said it was really nice and painted perfectly. He said he wondered what the fuck was wrong with him.
Howard asked what he would call that hobby. Fred said it's like arts and crafts. Howard said just go buy the guitar. He said make it your own and not Eddie Van Halen's. Steve said he tried to make his own but they all looked like shit. Howard said it's a useless project. Howard asked if he has a girlfriend. Steve said no but he is getting laid. Howard asked what a Steve Nowicki gets. Steve said he gets some nice ones. Howard wanted to see some pictures. Steve showed him some pictures. Howard asked if that's a girl he banged. Steve said he's dating her. Howard was impressed. He asked if she's a model. Steve said she's an actress. Howard said she has a nice face. Howard asked if she really looks like that. Steve said she looks good. Howard said Robin won't believe this.
Howard asked if Ronnie saw this. Steve said no so Howard had Ronnie come in to see. Howard had him check this girl out. Ronnie took a look and said ''Nice man.'' He said she's at least a 9. He said she's smoking hot. Steve said he can believe that Steve is getting her. He said he's a quiet cocksman. He said he became very dapper all of a sudden. He said she looks like she's a ballerina or some shit. Howard asked if she's good in bed. Steve said she is.
Steve showed another picture of a girl he banged. Ronnie took a look and said she's a party girl. Steve said she works on TV shows. He said he banged her. Howard said no kidding. He said from now on he's sitting closer to him in the meetings. Howard said he's the quiet cocksman. Howard asked how old he is. Steve said he's 24. Howard asked if he has a rotation. Steve said he hooks up with the girls. He said his standards are high for a girlfriend. Howard asked if girls talk to him at bars. Steve said he thinks he is a pretty good looking dude and he can get girls to talk to him. Howard asked Robin if she wants to fuck this guy. Robin said no. She said he'd have to talk a little while.
Howard asked where Steve is from. He said he's from New York but he lived in Singapore for a while. Howard said he sounds like Lars from Metallica. Howard said he went out to dinner with Lars and his wife. Howard said his wife is really hot too.
Ronnie took a look at another girl Steve banged. Ronnie said she's hot too. He said she must do a great war dance because she's Native American. He said she's his type. Howard took a look and said she's anyone's type. Howard asked what she does. Steve said he's not sure. He hasn't hooked up with her for a few years.
Gary said he's getting facts on Steve and someone said he has a pretty big dick. Howard asked how big it is. Steve said he's 6 1/2. Howard said he's only 6. He asked if Steve is thick. Steve said it's normal. Howard asked if he's a show-er. Steve said it's okay flaccid.
Ronnie wanted to see one more shot of a girl Steve banged. Howard said he can show one more. Ronnie took a look and he said he liked the Indian girl. He said this girl is hot but he liked that other one. Gary said the other thing is that Memet is jealous of this guy. Ronnie said Memet has to cut that mess of hair he has off. Steve went through more pictures and found another girl. He showed that to the guys and Ronnie said she looks like a bridesmaid. He asked if she's on TV. Steve said he thinks she is. Ronnie wasn't impressed. He said she's very plain Jane. Howard said he likes her. Ronnie gave an ''Ehh.'' Howard said Ronnie is crazy. He said she's on TV so she must have a sexy look. Howard asked if Steve is banging any famous chicks. Steve said he's not. Howard said you have to be really good looking or be famous to get famous chicks.
Howard said he never had those distractions. He said he always just worked. Howard asked if he ever uses Tinder. Steve said he did once but the girl showed up and ran out when she met him. She said she was an actress too and she sucked. Howard said he's got it a little too good over there.
Howard said he wouldn't walk away from that first chick. Howard said he approves of that one. Howard said he should bring her to the Christmas party. Howard said Ronnie will be dirty dancing with her. He said he's seen that happen before.
Howard took a call from the guys in the back who were pretending to be the girl Steve met on Tinder. She said he tried to do taxidermy on an animal while he was with her.
Ronnie asked what he talked about when he was on the date with the Tinder girl. Steve said he met her to hang out and talk. Ronnie said the girls on Tinder just want to get laid. He said he knows a guy who this chick flew to New Jersey to bang her and he did that and never saw her again. He said the chick was hot too. He said the woman was married to some sick guy who was rich and he wasn't able to fuck her so this was her thing. Steve said he's not sure how to find that on Tinder. Ronnie said that he's never been on Tinder but he's heard stories. He said his son was on it. Howard asked if he got lucky. Ronnie said ''Yeah.''
Howard did his impression of Ronnie for a short time. Howard said maybe Steve should tell Memet what to do if he's jealous. Ronnie said he has tried telling him what to do with that hair.
Howard had Memet come in. He wanted to see his hair. Howard said he does look a little weird with that hair. Memet asked Robin what she thinks. He asked if he should have short hair. Robin said he needs it styled. Ronnie had him take his glasses off. He said he's looking like John the Stutterer. Howard said not like that but it's taking away from his looks. Memet said people are saying that his forehead is getting big. He said it might be too much hair for him. Ronnie said he just has to style it. He said he's been telling him that. Howard said Ronnie is like a father figure to them there. Memet said the girls tell him not to cut it. Howard said meanwhile they're not banging him. Howard said his hair would go great with a dress.
Memet said that he isn't jealous if Steve either. He said he's not sure who said that. He said Steve just started getting laid recently. Steve said he just moved into the city a couple of months ago. He moved out of his parent's house. Howard said that will do it. Howard asked if he uses the Howard Stern Show line to get laid. Steve said not really. Howard had the guys go back there and talk about what Memet should do. Howard said bring coach Ronnie too.
Howard asked if they're done with the one minute bit. Robin said it's up to Howard. She said there are more people. Howard said he has more people on the phone.
Howard said everyone wants a minute. Robin said she'd give Tan Mom a minute. Howard said she can go on and on. Howard took a call from Tan Mom who said she feels like she's in the green room. Howard said they're going to give her a minute to talk about then cut her off. She said how dare he cut her off. Howard said she has a full minute to talk and then he'll hang up on her. Howard asked if she understands. Tan Mom asked who the fuck this is. Howard said it's Howard. Tan Mom said it didn't sound like Howard. Howard asked if she's ready. Tan Mom said yes. Howard asked what she's wearing. She said she's naked with a towel on. Howard had her start her minute. Tan Mom didn't say a word for about 10 seconds. She said she has nothing to say. She said if people want to run around talking about dick and pussy that's it. She said they don't want to have fun anymore. She said she's going to get Botox and she hopes to see them on his birthday. She said goodbye but Howard let the silence go until her minute was up. Howard said that was killing him. He said they learned so much.
Howard asked who had the best minute. He said he thinks it's Tan mom. He said she's going to get Botox. Howard said holy fuck. He said this One Minute bit is very strong. Howard said most people can't even fill a minute. Howard said it freaked her the fuck out. Howard said he had to break code and tell her to go again. Howard did a live commercial read and then went to break.
Howard said some people want to hear Benjy get another minute. He said Sal has something to say for a minute and Mariann from Brooklyn has something on Benjy. He said Marfan Mike has something to say and Bobo does too. Howard said Captain Janks may have had to go. He was on the line earlier.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who had a minute on why Benjy should not be in the studio. Howard had Mariann do her minute. Mariann said Benjy doesn't give a shit about anyone. She went on and on about Benjy feeling like he's a superstar and things like that. She didn't stop talking for the full minute. Howard cut her off and hung up. Howard said every dog in New York City is barking now. Howard said her husband has to hear that every minute of the day. Howard said it was very effective though. He said it's kind of what he thinks about Benjy.
Howard said Benjy had his minute already and he fucked it up. Howard said maybe he should give him another minute to make his plea. Howard had Benjy come in and had Robin time it. Benjy came in and did his minute long speech. He thanked everyone and said he does respect the listeners. He said he would never bring mice in there. He apologized to Howard for putting him in the position he did. Benjy said he loves Howard. He said there are things he can't say why he thinks he should be in there. He said he's asking for forgiveness. He said he was on anti-depressants and that fucked him up. His minute was up so Howard kicked him out. He was just getting into it. Howard said that was weird. He said he stares at him the entire time. Howard said he needs a minute to explain why he doesn't want him in there. Robin asked if he wants a minute. Howard said no. Howard said here are plenty of people on anti-depressants who can get there on time. Howard asked if Robin saw the sweat pouring off of him. Robin said she did. Howard asked why he's slovenly dressed. Fred said he has to be depressed. He said that would explain his look.
Howard said that was a pretty good minute. He said he likes this minute thing. He said his shirt was stained and barely buttoned. Howard said they may have to put that online.
Howard asked if they're done. He said they might have to hear from Sal about why he thinks that the liberals are corrupting our children. Howard said he's a fucking moron so that might be good. Howard had Sal come in to do the minute. He said this is the last one for today.
Sal came in and said he's going to put the liberal jackasses in their place. Sal got into it and said that the liberals are concerned about Trump for saying ''grab them by the pussy'' and liberals have broken the amendment of the constitution about privacy for children to see and hear. He said we are corrupting our children with that. He said that was a private conversation that should have remained private. He said the liberals are taking advantage of that private conversation. His minute was up. Howard cut him off and asked if he recorded his wife privately and played it on the air. Sal said he did but that was to play on the air. Howard kicked him out of the studio. Howard asked what amendment it was that he was quoting about privacy. Gary said it was the fourth amendment. Howard said the right to pussy is the fourth amendment. Gary said it's the right to be free from illegal search and seizure. Sal said it's in there. Howard said his minute is up.
Howard said he has to get a better headphone cable. He said he keeps unplugging it. He said he's not sure how other broadcasters aren't unplugging. Howard said maybe it doesn't matter. He said it's good giving people a minute. Howard said the second amendment is about guns. Robin said he said it was the fourth. Gary said it's not that one either. Gary said there is nothing about privacy in there. He said it's about search and seizure. Howard moved on and got to Robin's news.
Robin read a story about Mariah Carey's pre-nup and what might have been in it. Robin said that her engagement is off and the negotiations about that may have led to the break up. Howard said he thought she was pretty rich herself. Robin said she was offered a million a year for every year of complete year of marriage. Howard said that's generous. Robin said Mariah claims she makes more than that an hour when she's performing. Robin said they ended up upping it to 6 million to a maximum of 30 million a year. Robin said that wasn't inviting or enticing. Robin read more of the details and she wasn't going to get an inheritance. Howard said that's unless he changed the will. Robin said they also said that she could only have the use of one private jet. Howard said it sounds like a great deal to him. Robin said she wouldn't have a joint account. Howard said they could work that out. Howard said the accountant handles all of that. Robin said there was also something about the guy gifting clothing and things like that. Howard said it all sounds pretty good to him. Howard said that if a girl bangs Steve Nowicki they get to use his Metro Card.
Robin read a story about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's custody battle. Robin said they will both have custody. Howard said he remembers a time when you couldn't trust her with a dog. Now she wants to get full custody of the kids. Robin said Brad is going to have therapeutic visits with the kids. Robin said they're listing the date of the separation and it was when Brad got into an altercation with their 15 year old son on a plane. Howard asked about the one kid that Tom Cruise had and how he may not have seen her in 3 years. Gary said there is an article that says he hasn't seen Suri in over 1000 days. Gary said he finds that hard to believe. Robin said he did it with Nicole and kept her from seeing their kids. Robin said she thinks Scientology has something to do with that. Howard did a live commercial read and then went to break.
After the break Howard came right back and took a call from a guy who asked what he would eat on a day he could eat anything he wanted. Howard said pizza maybe. He said last night they went out and they had a pizza oven. He said not many restaurants have that. He said it was a brick oven and he wanted to have that pizza so bad. He said he didn't do it though. Howard said he hasn't been working out or running so he didn't have it. The caller asked what he had. Howard said he had a small portion of pasta with eggplant and a beet salad. The caller asked if he's sick of eating eggplant. Howard said he is kind of. He said he doesn't eat it all the time though.
Howard asked Robin to turn off the sound on her phone. It kept making noise. Robin said it's not usually in there. She said she was using it for the timer earlier. Howard asked if Robin misses eating things. Robin said she would love to have some pasta. She said she's on a non-grain regimen right now. Robin said it's got nothing to do with gluten. Howard said all of these people read books and think they can't eat gluten. Howard said there's nothing wrong with it. He said people think they're allergic to it and they're not. Robin said she's trying to lose some weight and a lot of what she was eating spikes your blood sugar. Howard took a call from the pizza he didn't eat last night. The guy was talking about what he was missing out on.
Robin read a story about Prince Harry dating an actress. Robin said there are all kinds of stories coming out about this woman. She has to deal with a lot from these people. Robin said Prince Harry is asking people to please stop because this is their life.
Robin read a story about Samsung apologizing for their Samsung Galaxy Note 7 disaster. Robin said they won't let people bring them on planes now. Robin said Samsung took out a full page ad in a few big newspapers and they have recalled all of the phones. Robin said they are continuing to investigate what went wrong. Howard said that had to be a big hit to them financially. He asked what it's done to their stock price. Robin said it has to be down. Robin said they also had to recall 2.8 million washing machines that fall apart while washing. Robin said Samsung is usually known for reliability. Howard said you kind of get the phone thing but the washing machine has been around a long time. Howard said that can't fall apart. He told Gary to buy him one so he can watch it fall apart. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said Benjy is looking for another minute of air time. Howard said Robin's phone just went off again. He said it's kind of annoying. Robin said it won't do it anymore. Howard said he hopes her phone blows up. He said she never knows how to work technology. Robin said it kept going to snooze instead of going off. Howard said Benjy wants to make a weight loss challenge thing and if he doesn't lose the weight he'll get a sex change. Howard said he doesn't want to hear it.
Robin read a story about a new award that Billboard has. Robin said it's the touring award. Robin said Beyonce and Coldplay are in it as well as Bruce Springsteen.
Howard took a call from a guy, Chad, who said that Howard has a ton of musician superfans and he should put the lyrics up to let them come up with a song. Howard said he may just collaborate with the Stones. He asked Robin what she thinks. Robin said it's interesting to let the fans take a crack at it. Howard said it may turn off the bigger artists. Chad said he may get back to his roots as a talent judge. Howard said maybe he'll collaborate with Sting tomorrow. Robin said he's a great song writer. Howard said maybe he'll just give it to Billy Joel and let him debut it at Madison Square Garden.
Robin read a story about a serial killer in South Carolina named Todd Kohlhepp. Robin said they're looking into his life and finding some interesting posts he made on Amazon.com for items he purchased. Robin said they found a woman on his property chained up in a crate. Robin said she was still alive but the boyfriend's body was found in a shallow grave. Robin said Todd has also admitted to killing at least 4 others. Howard did a live commercial read after that. Robin got back to the story and read what some of the products were that this guy Kohlhepp reviewed. Robin said he had some screen shots with comments that NBC showed. Robin said he had a knife review about how he hadn't stabbed anyone yet but if he did he would use a quality knife like this. Howard said he gave Baba Booey a 5 star review. He didn't like Jon Hein's book quite as much.
Robin read a story about Susan B Anthony's grave getting extended visiting hours. Robin said there are many people paying respects to her grave today. Robin said they will extended the visiting until 9 tonight.
Robin read about it being election day today. Robin said the only poll that really counts... Howard said it's the pole in his pants. Robin read about how Clinton and Trump are scrambling at the last minute to get votes. Howard said he hopes this is quick and decisive so they can move on.
Howard took a call from Ralph and said he was very professional yesterday. Howard said he went to the eye doctor and he was told he's less nearsighted now. He said he has a new prescription and now he has to get new lenses. Howard said he walked in and told Ralph about it and Ralph told him to give him the prescription and he'd forward it to his assistant and bring his glasses to get them switched out. Robin asked who jumped into Ralph's body. Ralph said he also got him some hats he wanted. Ralph said they're John Varvatos hats. Howard said the kid is doing good. Ralph said he voted too. Howard said he remembers a Ralph who couldn't even vote. Ralph said he had to in this one. He said he can't believe Jon Hein has a hard time voting for Hillary. Howard said Ralph thinks Jon is a moron. Ralph asked what his problem is with Hillary. He said he has daughters and he should vote for her. Howard said this is the Ralph he met yesterday. He said it was weird. He said he's all efficient. Howard said it really threw him. Robin asked when he'll see his new glasses. Howard said Ralph can still fuck it up.
Ralph said the worst minutes with the staff were Benjy. Howard asked Fred if he should have him back in the studio. Fred said once he straightens his life out he has to earn his trust again. Howard said he never earned it. Fred said he was on time for four years. Howard said he's not sure why he needs him in the studio. Howard said he doesn't know what he could do to straighten out his life. Howard said Ralph was only able to do it for a day. He said the previous two weeks Ralph wasn't able to get over there. Ralph said the best minute was Steve Nowicki. He asked why anyone would want that guitar. He said that it's the same thing that Eddie already has. Howard said he also blew cigar smoke on it so it would take on a smoky look. Robin said the cigarette stains are in the right place too. Ralph said go vote and go vote for Hillary today. Howard let him go after that.
Howard said Ralph was acting like a guy who knows how to get things done. He said he didn't trust it. He said he knows he's going to fuck it up.
Robin got back to her news and read more about today's election. Howard took a call from Wolfie who said he's on line to vote and it's the longest line he's ever seen. Howard said it's mind blowing that people have to wait that long. Robin said the hold up is the way they do the votes. Wolfie said this is all buttons. He said you hit what you want and it lights up. Howard spent a little more time talking about that before letting Wolfie go.
Robin had some audio of Trump talking about the election and saying that Hillary is the face of failure. Robin also had him talking about Hillary getting Jay Z an Beyonce to perform at a rally. He said the music was so bad and the language was so bad that many people left.
Robin had some audio of Michelle Obama talking about how we need someone qualified to win this election. She was talking about Hillary Clinton. Robin had audio of President Obama backing her too.
Howard said Sal is in the hall saying that Robin isn't going to vote today. Robin asked what kind of proof he needs. Howard asked what Sal is looking for. Sal said he wants a picture. Robin said it's illegal to take a picture. Sal said take a picture outside. Robin said okay. She said she wants one of Sal too. Sal told her not to worry about him. Robin asked why he thinks she doesn't vote. Howard said he thinks she's too ditzy. Robin said she has voting on her itinerary today so she will get it done. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about Madonna doing a surprise performance for a crowd to endorse Hillary Clinton last night. Robin said a lot of people are getting out to encourage people to vote.
Robin read a story about some states taking up gun control law votes. Robin went through those laws. Robin said there are also some marijuana laws that are on the ballot. Robin said Ozzy Osbourne is one of the people advocating it even though he's supposed to be sober. Howard said he's not a drug user but he thinks that they should legalize it.
Robin read a story about cancer and how it's estimated that it will take the lives of more women as the population grows and gets older. Robin wrapped up and ended her news. Howard said way to end the news on a high note. Robin said she could have ended it with a story about a woman who pushed another woman in front of a train. Howard ended the show a short time later. They were done around 11:10am.
Howard started the show talking about how he didn't go to sleep last night. He said he slept maybe 3 hours. He said he was having trouble falling asleep not knowing who was president. Robin said she went to bed around 11. Howard said he was up until about 1. He said he was laying there too curious. Howard said he was curious about what will happen. Howard said he thought he'd find out last night. Robin said she kept tuning out because it was too nerve wracking for her. She said she'd watch something that wasn't election for 15-20 minutes. Howard said he was doing the same thing and reading too. He said he just wasn't able to fall asleep.
Howard said congratulations to Donald Trump. Howard said now he's the president and you hope for the best. Robin said you want him to be the best ever. Howard said the popular vote is ahead by less than 100,000 votes. Robin said that's pretty amazing. Howard said pot smokers also won big. Howard said people think it should be legal. Howard said recreational marijuana is legal in California now. Howard said they won in Massachusetts and Nevada too. Howard said medical marijuana was approved in a few more states. Howard said doctor assisted suicide was approved in Colorado too. Howard said we allow dogs and cats to be put out of their misery so why not human beings.
Howard had a clip of fake Trump announcing who they had coming up on today's show. Sting will be in.
Howard said now they say that Hillary is ahead in the popular vote. Robin said that happens all the time. Robin said we have this thing called the electoral college. Howard said oddly enough a lot of people who voted for Trump didn't go to college.
Howard said Brent is going to have to wax his pubes. Howard said he made a bet with Memet about the election. Howard said Brent said Hillary was going to carry 40 states. Howard said if she didn't then he'd wax his pubes. Howard said that will happen on Monday's show. Howard said the pubes will be waxed with the balls. Howard played a song parody about Brent having to wax his pubes.
Howard said they'll have to see if Trump will allow Japan and South Korea have nuclear weapons. Robin said he's already said he won't. Howard said they have to see if he'll build the wall too. Howard said they have to see if he'll follow through.
Howard wondered if he'll build the wall, round up illegal aliens and throw them out of the country and if there will be a ban on Muslims. Howard said there's also the war on ISIS. Howard said they have to see if Melania becomes very conservative too. Robin said she will become conservative. Howard sounded bummed about that. Howard asked if she thinks there is any discussion about him being able to do the show anymore. Robin said the answer is absolutely no. Howard said he did every show but theirs. Robin said Hillary did too. Howard said they both agree not to be on their show.
Howard said some people are advocating that Trump appoint him to be on the Supreme Court. Robin said she has a list of winners and losers. She said Scott Baio is a winner. Howard said he believes he'll be an ambassador to Italy.
Howard said Cher, Bryan Cranston, Lena Dunham and many other celebrities say they will leave the country now. Howard said it'll be interesting to see what happens there.
Howard said he wants to talk to Brent about getting his pubes waxed. Brent came in and said he hasn't done it in a while. Howard asked if he'll just take it. Brent said if it hurts bad enough he'll make noise. Howard said Brent lost when he ran for City Council in Florida. Brent said he really doesn't know this country at all.
Howard said all of the newspapers are late this morning. Brent said that the Daily News has the American Flag upside down and it says ''House of horrors.''
Brent talked about how many Hispanics voted for Trump. He said it's mind blowing. Howard said Ronnie was going nuts this morning about the win. He said Ronnie said it's the real working man that got him elected. Brent said he's going around yelling ''Grab 'em by the pussy'' in the hallway. Howard said Ronnie called it early. He said Ronnie and Sal got it right. Wendy the Slow Adult and Bobo too.
Brent said Trump won college educated whites too. Howard asked Ronnie to say it. Ronnie said ''Grab 'em by the pussy.'' Howard asked why he won. Ronnie said the people have spoken and they're sick of crooked politicians. He said they want to try a businessman. Brent said he hopes he succeeds. He said even if he doesn't agree with him he does hope he succeeds. Howard asked Ronnie what he wants first. Ronnie said Grab 'em by the pussy. He said he'd like to see the economy get back in shape. Brent asked if 73 months of job growth isn't enough. Ronnie said he didn't want to get into it with Brent.
Howard said his dream in life is to go see Camp David. Brent said it must be unbelievable. Howard said he was hoping to get to see it. Howard asked Ronnie what he thinks Melania will be wearing. Ronnie said she'll be conservative. Howard said that's a bummer.
Howard said that it'll be interesting to see if Trump appoints Giuliani and Christie to his cabinet. Howard asked how Sal is doing back there. Ronnie said he's thrilled. Howard asked how he feels about Brent's bet. Ronnie said he has to live up to it. Brent congratulated Sal and Ronnie.
Howard asked Sal if this means watch out terrorists in his neighborhood. Sal said his neighbors are fine. Howard asked what Sal's hope is now. Sal said he hopes that condescending idiots like Gary get over this now. He said that he was so disgusting the other day. He told Gary to come in there and kiss his ass. Sal said Howard was a gentleman about it. He said he never took sides. Howard said he'll root for Trump because he's an American. Sal said get the fuck out of here if you don't like it. Howard said more hair just fell out of Sal's head. Sal said Gary showed his true colors the other day. He said he never called anyone stupid. Howard said Gary's Cheerios are soaked with tears.
Gary said that he talked to Ronnie about something the other day. He was trying to say what he said but Sal was yelling at him. Brent said they are sore winners. Howard asked why Sal is upset. Ronnie said Gary talked down to them that's why. They were screaming over Gary.
Howard told Sal to shut up. Gary said it had nothing to do with politics when he talked to Ronnie. He said Ronnie said he caused the whole financial crisis. He said he didn't. Ronnie said he made a mistake but don't talk down to him like he's an idiot. Sal yelled at Gary because he voted for Obama. Howard said Sal voted for him too. Sal said that's different.
Howard asked what ethnic group that should get out of here. Sal said anyone who doesn't believe in this country should get out.
Ronnie said he'd like to know what went on in the bedroom when Trump won. Howard said he thinks he just went to sleep. Ronnie said he thinks he was so pumped up he had to release. Howard said he could have jerked off. Ronnie said there was no jerking off last night. He said he went to town. Ronnie said good for him.
Howard asked who Bill Clinton fucked. Howard said Hillary didn't even make a concession speech. Brent said that's being a poor sport. Howard said he agrees. Brent said you have to congratulate him but it's tough. Robin said Donald did say she's napping when there is work to be done. Sal said that it shows her true colors. He said she turned her back on the country she was supposed to take care of.
Howard said Brent has to wax his pubes now. Howard played a song parody about it. Sal told Brent to march to the song. Sal grabbed Brent by the balls.
Ronnie asked if Memet gets to rip any of that hair out. Howard said that's not part of the bet. Ronnie said he should be allowed to do that. Howard said when Richard got his pubes waxed you can't just let someone rip them out. Howard said it's something that you have to know how to do. Ronnie said don't make a bet then. Howard said this is fucking Ronnie. He said he didn't agree to that. Ronnie asked why he wants him to be involved. Howard said Ronnie hates Brent so he wanted to find out what he wants to do.
Howard said Ronnie hates Brent. Ronnie said he never said he hates him. He said he doesn't like that he's a rat but he doesn't hate. He said you really have to do something to get him to hate you.
Robin reminded Howard about the Scott Baio thing. Howard said he sees big things for him now. Robin said Antonio Sabato Jr. is another winner. Robin said Stephen Baldwin and Lou Ferrigno were Trump supporters. Robin said Ted Nugent too. Howard said the greatest feeling must be when the power of the secret service takes over. Robin said it happened last night. Robin said the whole transition happened last night at that moment. Howard said that has to be the freakiest feeling.
Howard said Trump must feel great. He said he was on the phone to Trump asking why he wanted this. Howard said he has the greatest life and you can't even imagine. Howard said he's been in his bedroom and he's been to Mara Lago. He said he has planes nicer than Air Force One. Howard said he's got huge jets fully tricked out. He has food, pussy and everything a guy could want. Howard said he didn't want him running for president. Howard said they had all of these tapes and he thought it was going to destroy his friendship. Howard said he asked why he wanted this. Howard said the biggest shock must be to Donald Trump. He said it was more of a publicity kind of thing. Howard said the shock must be the biggest thing to him.
Howard said he was making his dinner one night and Trump called. He said he asked why he wanted this when Sarah Palin endorsed him. Howard said he's still not sure why he wants it. Howard said when you have that great a life and you're 70 years old what do you have left? He said you have maybe 10 years. He said then you start to drool on yourself and you don't want pussy. Ronnie asked why he brought that up. Howard said for the next 4 years of his life he has to deal with people's fucking anger. Howard asked if he can give people what he promised. Howard said this is like a barge. If things go wrong then he's everyone's scumbag. Howard asked why he'd want that for the last 10 summers of his life. Howard said he told him not to do it.
Howard said he saw Trump out at dinner one night and he sat down to talk. Howard said he asked if he wants this aggravation. Howard said he's been to Mara Lago and it's like heaven there. Howard said it's a prime piece of real estate. Howard said people love him and leave him alone. Howard said he asked what the fuck he's doing with his life. He said he should resign. Howard said he has maybe 10 good summers and 4 of them are going to be fucked up. Robin said it could be 8 if he does a good job.
Sal said maybe he's had a thousand good summers and he's having a good life. Howard asked if Sal has had that. Sal said no but he's not Trump. He said he commends him for this.
Howard said he can't even get pussy on the side if he was getting that. Howard said he has to play it straight. He said he can't even grab 'em by the pussy now. Howard said he really can't. Howard said he said it to him that he doesn't think he wants this. Robin said he fought hard for this. He said you don't do that if you don't want it.
Howard said he thinks Trump has fucked up his whole life. Howard said when he ran for governor he said to himself that it was getting out of hand. Howard said he panicked and said he didn't want that. He said he had to resign. He was at 28 percent in a 3 way race. Robin said everyone doesn't want what he wants. Howard said Trump does. Robin said Trump is looking at his life thinking that he can maybe change the world.
Brent said in 2011 Trump was roasted and he got it in his mind that he had to take the White House from Obama in 2016. Howard said he thinks NBC was fucking with him on The Apprentice deal. Howard said he thinks that's where this all came from.
Robin said Howard doesn't know Trump as well as he thinks he does. Howard said he does. Sal told Robin to shut up because her candidate lost. Robin said Howard's did too. Sal said that's different. Robin said not everyone wants to sit around the pool. Howard said they do. Howard said he thinks Trump fucked up his life. He said he hasn't had enough of that Mara Lago. Howard said it's like having enough of heaven. Ronnie said he thinks it's an ego thing. He said he's probably saying to his dad that he did it all. Howard went to break after that.
Howard asked Wendy when she was watching TV last night she must have had a moment when she shit her diaper when Trump won. She said she did. Howard asked her when she realized Trump was going to win. Wendy said when everybody was getting excited. She said it was at the last minute. Howard asked if she was wearing a diaper last night. Wendy said she was. She said she made both number 1 and 2 in her diaper. Howard asked if the shit ran down her leg at all. Wendy said yes. She was saying yes to everything he asked. She said it got on the floor too.
Howard asked Wendy what she's hoping for. She said that people will get more money and people will get shelter and food. She said that they're not helping her down there like they should be. Robin asked how much she's hoping to get. Wendy said she wants a thousand bucks. Howard said that could happen.
Howard said Wendy called it from the beginning. Wendy said her friend Lisa was nervous too. She said she told her to pray so that's what they did. Howard asked what she told God. Wendy said she asked him to please let him win. She said she doesn't want more aliens in her town. Howard said they should get moved out in January. Robin asked what an Alien is. Wendy said it's someone who comes from outer space. She said that Trump is going to send them back to their planet.
Howard was going to let Wendy go but she asked if Howard has anything she can do to win money. Howard said she should just wait for Trump to give her that thousand bucks.
Howard asked Wendy about eating burritos for breakfast and how many she has. She said she has 4 every morning. Howard asked if that fills her diaper. Wendy said yes to that and everything else Howard asked about. Howard said that Burritos are made by Mexicans. Wendy said she knows that. She said she can't eat hard stuff because she has no teeth. She said her mom is still working on getting her dental. Robin said she doesn't understand that Mexicans are aliens. Howard thanked Wendy and let her go.
Howard said he has in front of him the future president (fake) Donald Trump. Trump said the election is clearly rigged. Howard said he won. Trump said he thought that once Hillary lost he'd get all of her votes. He said he was disappointed. Howard said (fake) Bernie Sanders is also there. Howard said he's eating donuts. Bernie said that he took a bus down there. He said he dumped everything he had into the race and it didn't pan out.
Howard asked if he would have been a better candidate to go up against. Trump said he would have been great. He said he loves Bernie. Howard asked Bernie if he thinks that the whole thing was rigged and he could have won. Bernie said now that we're fucked, we're fucked. He said that it's not a far off scenario. He said we're currently getting fucked. He said Howard feels it and everyone across the country feels it.
Howard asked Trump if he feel he would win. Trump said he didn't write a victory speech. He said it's like chasing a girl. He said you have to massage the nipples and then work your way to Kansas which is the ass crack. Howard said he's saying he treated this election like a woman. Trump said he did. Bernie said he took the opposite tact. He said he asked the election how it was doing.
Trump said he has an announcement and they're now a part of the Russian federation. He said it's going to be like Rocky 4 but with Russians against Russians. Trump said the Russians also hacked the election machines.
Howard asked Bernie about what he was hoping for. Bernie said he was hoping that they'd have a chicken in every pot and a pot in ever genetically engineered chicken.
Howard asked what Trump wanted. Trump said he wants to get rid of all colleges. Trump said he's going to grab Bernie by his old testicles which are all wound up in his shoe laces.
Howard asked Trump about his list of supreme court justices. Trump said he's going with Judge Judy. He said she knows how to handle the blacks. He said they're going to take the body of Judge Scalia and reanimate it. Trump said Howard is the other one that he wants to nominate.
Bernie said he's used to losing 99 percent of the time since he's a socialist. Howard asked Trump if he is going to go through with building the wall. Trump said they already started. He said he went to Fort Knox and started building the gold wall. He said he also snorts gold dust and that's why he's orange.
Howard asked if Mexico is going to pay for the wall. Trump said that they will pay with their children and families because the Peso is so down.
Howard said some of the guys on the staff were against Trump like JD. Trump said that JD stands for Just Dead. He said they're going to take other Mexicans and convert JD into a Mexican. He said his name will be Yay-D. Howard asked if he's going to do away with ponchos. Trump said they're done. He said they're going to send JD back in a wheel well of a truck.
Bernie said he's offering the state of Vermont to hold out against Trump. He said come up there with the hundreds of others up there.
Howard said Brent has to get his pubes waxed because Trump beat Hillary. Trump said he's going to tie up JD's girlfriend like Jabba the Hutt did with Princess Leia.
Howard said they have to get to something everyone wants to hear. Howard said they're not sure why Bernie is even there. Howard said they weren't able to find the Hillary impersonator. Trump said the Hillary impersonator is doing the right thing because she's hiding just like the real thing.
Trump said they're going to hunt down all of the Trump impersonators and put them in GitMo. Howard said he knows this guy Tony something who does an impression too.
Trump said Nevada betrayed him and they're going to turn the state into a huge golf course. Howard asked who got a hold of Trump and changed his hair. He said that it was Vidal Sassoon. He said they reanimated him.
Howard said Bernie almost beat Hillary in the primaries. Bernie said if he's running against Trump he's not going to let Wisconsin slip away.
Trump told Howard he's can't wait for people to leave this country like Lena Dunham and Sarah Silverman. Bernie said that it's hard on a morning like this to find something good that happened. He said that the good thing is that Mercury is in retrograde. He said it's good that marijuana is legal. He said that's a good way to get through 4 years of Trump.
Howard thanked the guys for coming in. He asked if they wanted to get in a plug and break character. Bernie and Trump said no. They said download Trump Vs Bernie. The guys got in their plugs. Trump said he's a great guy named Tony Atamanuik and he really should change his name. He also said that James Adomian is a great guy. They got in a plug for their web site TrumpVsBernie.com
Howard asked who won that debate. Robin said she thinks that Trump did. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard asked if the voting machines can be hacked. Jesse said that he has information that says some of the machines are self aware and they're voting out themselves. Howard said they're deciding on their own who to vote for. Jesse said don't put words in his mouth because he can't afford the buffet fees.
Robin asked if he's saying that the election was rigged. Howard said no he's saying the machines are self aware and voting themselves.
Howard asked Fake Jesse what his ties to Russia were. Jesse said he is infiltrating them and not working for them. Howard said he and Jesse could run for President. Jesse said that they can run in 2020. Howard thanked Jesse and tried to let him go. Jesse said he's fighting a legion of predators now. He said they were just waiting for the outcome of this election. Howard let Jesse go after that.
Howard said we'll all be fine. Howard said everyone calm down. Howard said the good thing is that they'll stop using tapes from his show for political ads. The caller asked if that's really going to happen. She said maybe he could be indicted on something.
Howard said Perez Hilton was really upset. Howard played a clip of him talking on his podcast about what's going to happen. He said this is worse than Brexit. He said Trump doesn't care about anyone but himself.
Howard played a clip of Sheppard Smith talking about Donald Trump winning and how he used to be a character on the Howard Stern Show... Howard said Donald Trump was never a character on his show. Howard said Donald Trump was a guest on his show. Howard said he had him on starting years before The Apprentice and before he was a national name. Howard said he was a great guest and not a character. Howard said Out of the Closet Stern is a character. Howard said Benjy is a character.
Howard took a call from fake Perez Hilton who was talking about how ''Craaaazy'' this whole thing is. Howard said he has to calm down too. Howard said you hope for the best and get behind the president.
Howard said Trump was on the show the first time in 1989. Howard did the math to figure out how long ago that was. Howard did the long math and tried to figure it out. He said it was 28 years ago. Howard said he wasn't a character either. He was just Donald Trump telling entertaining stories.
Perez was still yelling out ''Craaaazy'' on the phone so Howard let him go. Howard played more of the real Perez talking about how crazy this election is.
Howard said he met O.J. Simpson at Donald Trump's second wedding. Howard said he married Marla Maples there. Howard said he wasn't a character. He said he was a guest who had a point of view. Howard said AJ Benza must be pissed. Howard said he used to fight with Trump all the time.
Howard said he was watching MSNBC and he still has a hard time with Brian Williams. Robin said she likes him. Howard said he has a hard time. Robin said she feels he's regaining his credibility every day. Howard said he just thinks about him lying. Robin said she's over it. Howard said he felt a little bad for him. He said at one point they were saying it was too early to call. He said if you tuned to ABC news they were saying it was too early to call except for these two. Howard said every state was Trump. Howard played a clip of Brian Williams saying that it was too early to call. Howard said he was watching this thinking it was insane. Howard said it was one after another.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said Donald Trump is a con artist. He said that these people who have no money are happy he won. He said Trump doesn't care about them. He said they think Trump is going to make it better for them but he doesn't care about them. Howard said they just hope he's going to do a good job.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he can't believe he's going to say this but he agrees with King of All Blacks on that one. He told Howard he's been listening to the show for years and he thinks Fred is the smartest one on the staff. Fred said he didn't pick the winner though. The caller said Fred gave a great speech on Monday. He said Howard didn't back Hillary. Howard said that's not true. He said he did back Hillary. He said even Donald Trump backed Hillary for years. Howard said he pointed out why he backed Hillary and even told Donald that. The caller said he should have been more behind her. Howard said it was a weird position for him. He said he knows Donald. Howard said now everyone is going to blame him.
Howard said he hasn't heard from Donald Trump since July. He said the campaign started using tapes of his show and in some way he felt uncomfortable with it. Howard said he didn't want to slam the guy on the head with that. He said he wished he hadn't run for President. He said that it was very odd and it was taken out of context. Howard said he was doing it to be entertaining. Howard said he had contacted Hillary Clinton's campaign to have her on the show to show her human side. He said they refused him every time. Howard said he thinks it would have done her good to come on the show.
Howard said he isn't saying she would have won if she did the show. Fred said he thinks it would have done some good. Howard said he thinks that everyone has to get over it and just support your president. Robin said we don't have a choice. Howard said that's right. Howard said he thinks Hillary would have been a good president. Robin said she hopes Trump surprises everyone. Howard said they're saying the popular vote is just 100,000 votes apart. Robin said in every state it was a close election.
Howard had some audio from the Trump campaign. Howard said people were yelling ''Lock her up!'' at every passing car. Howard said he had a Latino standing outside and supporting Trump. Howard played a clip of Shuli asking the guy to do a Hillary impression. It was awful but Robin said it was amazing. Howard had a guy who had 30 seconds to name every crime Hillary is guilty of. He went through a list of a few things and then said ''killing babies'' over and over. He also said that she killed boys and girls and more. Howard said he has a guy who was in a Trump mask mumbling stuff about Trump.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was Justin Trudeau and kept saying ''ay'' and said they're building a wall to keep us out.
Howard played more clips from the Trump campaign. He had a clip of a guy with a Hispanic accent yelling about what a great guy Trump is. Howard said there was a woman out there supporting Hillary and she wasn't happy with the news. Howard played that clip where Shuli asked how she was feeling. She said she was sickened by the news. She said she can't comprehend it.
Howard said for those who are fed up with the election he's going to bring in one of the biggest stars in the music worked. Howard said Sting is coming in to heal the world. Howard said he'll have him play some of his new songs and some old tunes. Howard said Sting will bring us together. Howard did a live commercial read and then went to break.
Howard came back and said he has Sting in studio. Howard said it's great to have him there. Howard said he's sick of the election. Howard said he heard he went to a party last night. Sting said he didn't end up going because he heard it was like a morgue. He said they had a similar thing happen in June in England and they're having a crisis there now. He said they're trying to figure out how to fix it.
Howard said he's going to get off politics because Sting is there to save them. Howard said he's won 16 Grammy Awards. Howard asked if that means anything to him. Sting said it's pretty meaningless but he does enjoy getting them. Sting said they're in the bathroom. He said everyone goes ''How modest'' when they see them in there. Howard said he has them and he does display them but not in an important place.
Howard said Sting has sold close to 100 million albums. Howard asked if that blows his mind. He asked if it's unimaginable. Sting said totally. He asked if he ever thought it was going to be a reality. Sting said that the Beatles gave him some hope. He said some people made it. Howard asked if his parents thought it was a stupid idea. Sting said he didn't really ask his parents. He said his dad never spoke to him. Howard said when he reads about his childhood it looks like it was pretty bleak. Sting said he was raised next to a shipyard. He said he didn't know how he was going to fit in. He said he fell in love with the guitar. Howard asked if he was artistic. Sting said he was. Howard asked if they wanted him to get a job and not think about being a musician. Sting said that's pretty much the way it was.
Howard asked if his dad was mean. Sting said it wasn't mean. He said he was part of a generation that was told not to express emotions. He said his dad would take him out to work with him and he never really had conversations with him. He said they delivered milk every day of the year. Howard asked if his dad was distant from the whole family. He said he was but he wasn't unkind.
Howard asked about his parents separation. Sting said they were all happy about that. He said it wasn't a happy family. Howard said his mother took off with some guy and he was kind of a skunk. Sting said Howard read his book. Howard said he saw his mother having an affair and he had to keep that secret. Sting said he was the oldest so he had to keep it from the rest of his siblings. He said he's grateful for that now because it made him who he is now.
Howard said people who go through that always say that. Sting said now look at him. He said he's on the Howard Stern Show. Howard said Sting's mother was a pianist and she inspired him. Sting said he remembers watching his mother play and watching her feet on the pedals.
Howard asked if Sting is really self taught. Howard said he would slow down the records to hear the bass. Sting said he actually turned up the speed. He said you can hear the bass much clearer when it's faster. Howard asked why the bass? Sting said it's more of a quieter heroism. He said he's controlling the harmony on the bass.
Howard asked who the best bass player was. Sting said it was Jocko Pistorius. Howard asked if Sting was more of a jazz player before The Police. Sting said he played in a big band, jazz, theater and he backed comedians and strippers too. Howard said then he hooked up with Copeland. Sting said he was in a big band and he saw him performing with a jazz band.
Howard said Stewart Copeland and Sting hooked up to create a band. Howard said they thought a 3 piece band was the way to go. Howard said they had to get into rock though. Sting said he saw Jimi Hendrix when he was 14-15 and before he had a hit in England. He said he played a club in New Castle and he went to see him. He said it was like seeing a Martian. He said he was black and there weren't many black people in New Castle. He also played with his left hand. Howard asked if he had to figure out how to do that. Sting said that you can be a rock star and a virtuoso at the same time and that's what Jimi was. Howard asked if he had to create a rock band because of that. Sting said he was interested in the whole spectrum of what music is. He said he was never going to be a jazz player. He just played with jazz guys.
Howard asked about the first band he created. They had a guy in the band who had the look according to Sting but he only had the look. Howard asked if he's ever been in touch with him. Sting said he's going to see him this weekend. He said he can play now. Sting said they are reopening the Bataclan, the club that was closed in Paris last year after the attacks.
Howard asked Sting about becoming a teacher and if that was so he could play music. Sting said he did that so he could write songs while the children were doing their math. Howard said he could have fallen into that life and been a teacher. Sting said he could still fall back into that if the music doesn't work out. He said he was teaching 12 year olds at the time. Howard said he taught them everything. Sting said he was a soccer coach too. Howard asked if the students were freaked out when they found out he was a star. Sting said that they brought him into a class and all of the kids from his class were there. He said he recognized every one of them even though they were all in their 40s.
Howard said Sting's education sounds like a nightmare. Howard said he went to a catholic school. Sting said they were caned by the priests there. He said he had 42 canings. He said the first one hurts and the second one feels like being cut by a bread knife. Howard asked what they're trying to beat out of him. Sting said nothing. He said he was a good kid and in one year he had 42 whacks. He said there were thousands of boys in that school and that's the only way they could keep them under control.
Howard asked if he ever hit a teacher back. Sting said no way. He said that's too scary. Howard asked if he ever had to discipline his students. Sting said no. He said it was humiliating when he had it done to him. Howard said you'd think that would be the last job he'd want after that.
Howard said he's had an amazing career. He asked how he can learn if he wants to learn to play. Howard asked if he should just listen to records. He asked if he's just a genius and he can teach himself. Sting said he learned to read music. He said he had to read bass parts in a big band. Howard asked if he has a high IQ. Sting said he doesn't know about that. Howard asked if his guys have to know how to read music. Sting said not at all. He said they just have to learn the songs.
Howard asked Sting about forming the band The Police and if that was his first attempt at writing his own songs. Sting said he had been writing them since he was a kid. He said they may not have been that good but he was writing stuff at the age of 10. Howard asked if he remembers what he wrote. Sting said it all ends up in his songs and he may have used some of that stuff he wrote back then in his current songs.
Howard said his name Sting came from being dressed in black and yellow in a performance once. Sting said he was about 18 at the time. Howard said being Gordon the bass player isn't that great. Howard asked how the name Sting stuck. Sting said they kept calling him that and then they called his mother and asked for Sting and she called him that. Howard asked if his real name is Sting now. Sting said it's still Gordon Sumner. He said Sting is a silly name but it's much better than anything else.
Howard said no record company wanted the band The Police. Howard said it was very different. Howard said he can't even describe the sound. He said it was very unique. Sting said they were coming up with that around the time punk was big. He said they thought they were punk but they really weren't. Howard said they were better than punk bands. Sting said they called it New Wave.
Howard said the history of Roxanne and he wrote it about a prostitute and what it would be like to have a relationship with one. Sting said he wrote the song in Paris and they had these ladies of the night in the town. He said he'd never been exposed to that. He said he conjured one up in his room and wondered what it would be like to be married or the boyfriend of one of these women. Howard said there is no actual Roxanne. Sting said no, he just conjured her up.
Howard asked Sting about the song being released in England. Sting said they had a single deal and they didn't get an advance. He said then a radio station in Austin called WLBJ started to play this thing and it became viral. He said they went to America and they had two things on the radio. He said it was Sultans of Swing and Roxanne by The Police. He said Mark Knopfler is from his town too so that was great.
Howard played some of ''Roxanne'' and Sting fell over the piano and he played a chord with his ass and you hear him laugh. Howard played that part and they left it in the song. Howard said it sounded good to him. Sting said it was funny. He said they never thought it would be a hit so they left it in.
Howard asked when he heard the song for the first time on radio. Sting said he was painting his home and the song came on and he started singing it. He said he realized he was on the radio. He said then the phone rang and it was Stewart saying they were on the radio. H said it was the most exciting moment for them. He said it was a feeling they could never recreate.
Howard said after that they were able to get a record deal. Howard said he heard that they were offered the chance to open for Foreigner. Sting told them that they don't open for anyone. Howard asked what made him believe that was the case. Sting said instead of that they played in Poughkeepsie for 3 people. He said in the long run it worked out.
Howard played some more songs from The Police's first album. He played ''Can't Stand Losing You.'' Howard said he wrote that about suicide. Howard asked what he was thinking when he wrote that. Sting said the guy was just being over dramatic.
Howard played another song called ''So Lonely'' and asked Sting about that one. Sting said he was playing that song in front of 10,000 people once and wondering why he was singing it. Howard asked if his whole life changed after that. Sting said it did but he was already 27. He said he'd already had a whole life before that happened. He said he feels bad for people who don't have a life before they hit. He said you need psychological strength.
Howard asked Sting about the next album ''Reggatta de Blanc'' and if he got more important as they went on. Sting said he had a whole catalog of songs that he'd never used before so he was putting them on that. Howard said this album was another hit. Howard asked if they are ready to do ''Message in a Bottle'' now. Sting said they are. Howard had them perform the song.
After the song Howard said that's such a great song. Howard asked why Sting started playing regular guitar and no bass. Sting said he was always a guitar player. He said in his first band he had to play bass. Howard said Diego is playing bass today. Howard said he's playing a song that Sting used to play bass on. Diego said it's Sting's bass too. Howard asked if he told him he has to play it for this song. Sting said it was just the one that was handy. He said this is the band called The Last Bandeleros. He said they used to have a Police tribute band. Howard asked who sang. Diego said he did. Howard said he's taking it a bit too far. Howard said he hired them though. Howard said it's a very narcissistic thing. Sting said that they're very good looking and he brings down the median age in the band. Howard asked if the guys are scared of Sting. They said not anymore.
Howard asked if that song was his signature song. Sting said he thinks ''Every Breath You Take'' is. He said he won an award for that one. Howard asked if Sting is in a room and one of his songs is on does he listen to it or what. Sting said he does a full routine of lip syncing.
Howard played the song ''Walking On the Moon'' which was from the next album. Howard said this was the third Police album. Howard said Sting was walking around his room and he came up with the lyric ''Walking around the room.'' Sting said that's true. He said he had the bassline in his head and he was free associating. He said he was pacing around and walking around the room. He said it wasn't exactly poetic. He said he remembered the moon mission and he thought about how being in love was kind of like walking on the moon. Howard asked if that's how he writes a song. Sting said you start with rubbish and run with it. Howard said he's been doing it all wrong.
Howard said with the third album the band started to crack. Howard said the other two were upset that Sting was making more money. Sting said that's kind of where it started. He said it was tense.
Howard said the album Zenyatta Mondatta was the third. Howard said they tried to write more songs as a band but they weren't able to do it. Howard said Sting says this is his least favorite album. Sting said he doesn't think so. He said he just says shit sometimes. Howard said he has so many great songs on the album. Howard said ''Don't Stand so Close To Me'' is great. Howard played some of the song. Howard said he wrote this about being a teacher. Sting said it wasn't about that. Howard said he thinks he thought about the girls being hot for their teacher. Sting said that's not what it's about. He said maybe he was thinking of an older teacher and student thing. Howard said he can see where that would come from. Robin asked if the students knew he was a musician. Sting said they did because he played for them.
Howard said the song ''De Do Do Do, De Da Da Da'' was just nonsense lyrics. Howard said this song is powerful too. Howard played that and said that's another one that goes huge. He said he loves it. Howard said he had to play all of his songs over and over again on the radio.
Howard said that another hit song was ''When The World is Running Down, You Make the Best of What's Still Around'' Howard said that must be fitting for these days. Howard asked how he comes up with songs. He asked if he comes up with a bassline first. Sting said he does. He said if you structure it right it's just figuring it all out. Howard asked if he woke up today and heard a tune. Sting said not today. He said he felt like he just woke up from a bad dream this morning.
Sting said he likes silence because that's when the music comes to him. He said now they have music everywhere. He said it's on all the time. Howard said we're bombarded with it constantly.
Howard asked Sting about trying to come up with a hit song and if that fucks it all up. Sting said it does. He said it's like catching an animal. He said it's like hunting.
Howard played another Police song and said that Robert Downey Jr. sang it for Sting. Sting said he used to be his waiter before he was famous.
Howard asked Sting about not covering a lot of songs. Howard said they do cover ''A Day in the Life'' by the Beatles. Howard played some of that cover. Howard said they do ''Little Wing'' by Hendrix too. Sting said they used to do this with a Big Band arrangement too. Howard said it's a beautiful song. Howard said it's sad that we never got to hear more of what Hendrix could have done. Howard said the same about John Lennon. Howard said one of the greatest minds was taken from us. Sting said they also lost Bowie this year and that's another great mind. Howard asked if he hung with him. Sting said he did. He it's such a shock when someone like that passes. Howard asked if Sting thinks about that for his own life. Sting said he's 65 now so he does. Howard asked if it's hard getting older. Sting said he still has his body and he's still horny. He said that's all that matters. Howard asked if he still does yoga. Sting said he does all of that. Howard asked if his body doesn't ache. Sting said he seems to be in pretty good shape.
Howard said he wants to keep going and hearing about more of his songs. Howard played ''Invisible Sun'' and ''Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic.'' Howard asked Sting about recording demos and how he has said the demos sounded better than what the band did. Sting said they would play the demos and the band would play on top of them. He said it worked. Howard asked if he realized he didn't need the band and he could do it on his own. Howard played ''Spirits in the Material World'' too. Howard sang a little bit of that. Howard said he's still shocked that he has a Police cover band playing for him.
Howard asked Sting if he ever thought about writing a song and thinking he might be stealing a song from someone. Sting said there are only 12 notes so of course you borrow from someone else. He said the lawsuits are ludicrous. He said that no one invented music. He said he thought the Marvin Gaye lawsuit was ridiculous. He said a musician wouldn't sue you.
Howard said they're going to do ''Every Breath You Take'' next. Howard asked how long that took to write. Sting said it wasn't that long. He said it has a power that comes from its ambiguity. He said that people get married to it. Howard said he thought it was a stalker song. Sting said it was during Ronald Reagan time when he was building the Star Wars missile system and it was kind of weird. Howard had them perform the song ''Every Breath You Take.''
After the song Howard said that was beautiful. Howard said for a tribute band they have it down. Robin said the vocals are haunting.
Howard said the Syncronicity album was the last one the band did together. Howard asked if the record company thought they were out of their minds for breaking up. Howard asked if it was his decision alone. Sting said they didn't officially break up. He said he wanted to make a solo album like the others had done. He said he had a massive hit with that and he was like ''Hang on a minute...'' Howard said maybe when he was a younger man he needed the family of a band because his real family wasn't here for him. Sting said he loves and respects the other guys but he needed to spread his wings and do something else. He said that a band has a certain sound and it's very limiting. He said a Police record has to sound like a Police song. Howard played some of the songs that were on their last album. Howard had a few of their hits. Howard said that's why people thought they were nuts for breaking up.
Howard said he heard he makes $750,000 a year off ''Every Breath You Take'' every year. Howard said he heard that they used the music in the Puff Daddy song and they didn't come to him first so the music is his and he gets paid from that. Sting said it's fantastic when they do that. He said it's been the longest running number one song in history because of that. Sting said he rubbed his hands together when that was a hit. He said that Elton John sent it to him asking if he had heard it yet.
Howard said he heard Sting got a hold of Bruce Springsteen and told him to drop the E Street Band. Sting said that's nonsense. He said Bruce does what he wants. Sting said he never had that conversation. Howard asked if this is a rumor he started. Sting said Howard may have. He said it's not true. Howard said Bruce is a brilliant artist but he needed the band.
Howard said Sting went solo and did this. He played ''If You Love Somebody Set Them Free'' and said that you really have to do that. Sting said you have to evolve as a human being. He said marriage vows say you wont change. He said everyone changes. Howard said his daughter got married and she said in her vows that she vows to change. Howard said he's not sure where she learned that.
Howard played some of ''We'll Be Together'' and ''All This Time'' that Sting had on his solo album. Howard said they still sound sort of Police like. Sting said that's in his DNA so of course they do.
Howard said now he has a new album out. Howard said Sting can't rest on his laurels. He said he has to go out and tour. Sting said they'll be touring next year. He said he's on the Howard Stern show too so he's pushing this album.
Sting said the album is already a success to him. He said people are saying they didn't expect this. He said that's a success to him. He said he's already getting air play. Howard said a lot of artists won't put out an album.
Howard said they're going to do a song from the new album called ''I Can't Stop Thinking About You.'' sting said it's not about a person. He said it's about trying to fill a piece of paper with inspiration and idea. He said he locked himself out of his apartment and had to finish the lyric before he'd go back in. Howard said there must be tons of help to let him in. Sting said he told them not to let him come back in. He said he wrote it in the freezing cold.
Howard asked why Gwen Stefani inducted him into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Sting said he's known her since she was 12. He said she sent him a picture when she was back stage once. He said they met again and she showed him the picture and the difference was incredible. Sting said it was his idea to have her induct him. Howard asked if it was awkward to be with the guys there. Sting said not at all. He said they deserved it.
Howard had the guys perform the new song ''I Can't Stop Thinking About You'' which is on the new album ''57TH & 9TH.''
After the song Howard said that was beautiful. Howard said the song is about writing music. Howard said he looks happy singing that song. Howard said look at the band. He said they were a tribute band. One of the guys said they did like 3 shows as the tribute band. He said it was just for fun. Howard said that was a beautiful song. He gave him a plug for the album and said the ''57TH & 9TH'' is where he walks around a lot apparently. Sting said he does live up that way. He said he records in Hell's Kitchen so he walks that way. Howard asked if people stop him on the street all the time. Sting said that some do say they like his music or that he sucks but they don't really bother him that much.
Howard said Sting said he's going to take all of his money with him and his kids have to make their own because they're not getting any of it. Howard asked if he's still saying that. Sting said they're working their asses off. Howard asked where his money goes. Sting said he's married to Trudy. Howard asked how she's doing. Sting said she's doing well. He said he remembers when Howard spoke to her for the first time.
Howard gave Sting some plugs and said you can find out more at Sting.com. Howard said that he's going to play a song called ''50,000.'' Howard asked if it's a tribute to Bowie and others. Howard asked if it's true that he didn't go to his parent's funerals. Sting said he had made up with them before. He said that he didn't go to the funerals because it would have been a zoo. He said he does miss them. He said he wishes they could see him now.
Howard named the guys in the band and thanked them all for coming in. Howard said they did a good job. Howard played the song ''50,000'' as they went to break.
Howard said when Bobo called in this morning he had sort of a joke he wrote. Howard said listen carefully to this. He replayed the clip of Bobo's analogy of the election. Howard said he thought about this analogy. He said Greg Gutfeld of FOX News said the same thing. Howard played a clip of Greg Gutfeld saying almost the exact same thing last night. Howard said it's plagiarist Bobo. Howard asked where the fuck he is. He asked if he didn't think they'd find out. Howard said he's taking Greg Gutfeld's material. Howard said he's a joke thief. Howard played a Bobo song parody.
Howard asked what's with that guy. Robin said he can't help himself. Howard asked what if all of his questions were stolen from Greg Gutfeld. Howard said maybe it's Greg calling in and there is no Bobo.
Howard took a call from a guy who said they're doing some great things in California. He said they voted to release felons from prison and to legalize marijuana. Howard said the marijuana thing is great. He said it's legal in California and Massachusetts. Howard said in Colorado too. Howard said he's not a weed smoker but people should have the right to do it. The caller gave him an amen. They mentioned Nevada too. Gary said in Arizona it's still too close to call.
The caller said as a police officer he's glad he won't have to deal with marijuana cases. Howard said we have so many problems and that's not one of them. Howard said they'll have more revenue too. Howard let the caller go.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he is a Trump supporter but he would have stood behind Hillary if she had won. Howard said that's right. He said you have to stand behind whoever is president. Howard said you want them to do well. The caller said as a country we can do great things. Howard said in the popular vote only 100,000 votes separated them. Howard said imagine Hillary got snided by Obama in the first election. Howard said he came out of nowhere and then Trump comes out of nowhere. The caller said the people of America spoke and they want corruption gone. Howard said he thinks Hillary's chances are over now. Howard said she is leading the popular vote now though. He said she won the popular election. Howard said it has to be a message to Trump too. Howard said he has to keep that in mind. Howard had to hang up on the caller because they kept talking over him.
Howard wondered what will happen with Huma now. Robin said she had a lot of things to overcome that were all her own. Howard wondered if Anthony Weiner cost her the election. Robin said maybe he did.
Howard took a call from Eddie the Weed Dealer who said he needs a job now. Howard said just open a weed shop. Howard said Big Foot used to work in a weed shop. He corrected himself saying he wants to work in one. Howard played a clip of Shuli talking to Big Foot asking if he wants to work in a pot shop or dispensary. Big Foot said he does. He said he had people knocking on his door because he was selling joints buy 2 and get 1 free. Shuli asked how he'd get 10. Big Foot did the math and said he'd get 4 free.
Howard played another clip of Big Foot telling Shuli about how he had a porno studio in a pawn shop he worked in. He said he had a sex club going in there. Howard said he doesn't think he has that kind of luck anymore.
Robin started her news with some election details. Robin said that some leaders in other countries are stunned by the results. Robin said they are concerned about the state of world peace. Robin read some quotes from some leaders around the world. Robin said Donald was very presidential when he came out after getting a phone call from Hillary around 2:30 in the morning. Robin said she conceded and Donald says he congratulated her as well for the hard fought campaign. Robin had some audio of Trump talking about that. Robin also had audio of Trump talking about how he wants unity so they can unify this great country. Robin said he is saying all the right things. Robin said he also sent out his first Tweet as president. Robin read that and Howard said he thinks Greg Gutfeld said that first.
Robin read that President Obama congratulating Trump on the win. Robin said this is a loss for Obama too because he was behind Hillary. Robin said he was a big loser last night too. Robin said Obama was telling Trump about what the transition will be like. Howard said that's the way it should go.
Robin read a list of the winners in this election. Robin said Trump and anger won. Robin said the republicans are also big winners. Robin said he'll get to nominate two or three supreme court justices. Robin said Canada is a winner because more people will want to go there. Robin read the list of losers which were women, science, Muslims, immigrants, celebrity endorsers and more. Robin said the only person to be able to make movies will be Clint Eastwood.
Robin had some audio of Trump supporters talking about the win. Robin had some details on other people talking about the win. Howard asked if this is the end of abortion in America. Robin said she thinks it might be. Robin said the global stock markets are down and so is the dollar. Robin said that there are some leaders around the world who are for this win. Robin had some quotes from a few of those leaders.
Howard took a call from a guy who wasn't there when he picked up. Howard asked where the hell he was. The guy said he had the mute button pressed down. The caller said it's a bummer of a day today but Howard is being positive about it. Howard said he thinks Hillary would have been a great president. Howard said Donald Trump is the president elect and we have to root for him and root for the country and hope to god things go well. Robin said it would be great if he surprised them all and was the best president ever. Howard said he's going to call and advise him. Howard said he's not sure if he'll take his calls. He said it's unbelievable what they did with tapes from his show. Robin said he may have lost a friend. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard said he hopes that Trump gives Billy Bush a cabinet position. Robin said she doesn't think Melania will allow that.
Robin read a story about what some Muslims are feeling about this election. Robin said she hopes that we can be our better selves today.
Robin read that people are protesting the election results today too. Robin had some audio of some people screaming on the streets.
Howard said Benjy claims Trump was in there once and he tried to kiss him. Howard didn't remember that. Benjy said it was at his roast. He said he tried to kiss Morley Safer and he pushed him away. He said Trump was kind of staring at him and then someone said he was a friend of Howard's and he was really cool about it. Howard said very good and there's a story about Trump being a good sport. Howard asked how far he got. Benjy said Jeff Ross kissed him back but he was the only one.
Robin read about some of the celebrities who have said they'll move out of the country if Trump was elected. Robin said Cher, Katy Perry, Jon Stewart, Samuel L. Jackson and Al Sharpton are just a few. Howard said no one is moving anywhere. He said just calm down.
Robin read more about the election results and went over the senate elections. They talked about how Brent has to get his balls waxed next Monday.
Robin read about how ISIS is holding down Mosul by crucifying residents of the town. Robin said Trump says he's going to bomb the hell out of ISIS so we'll have to see what happens there.
Robin read more voting results and Howard said he heard that Hillary still hasn't come out with her concession speech. He said she may still be throwing stuff at Bill.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked how he can tell people to get behind Trump. Howard said we have to. He said he was elected. Howard said he won and it's the will of the people. Robin said that's how democracy works. Howard said this guy would have said the same thing to people about Hillary if she won. Howard said he can do that or leave the country like Jon Stewart. Howard said pull your shit together. The caller said he will never get behind Trump. Howard said give him a chance and wait until he does something that you disagree with. Howard said that's what he's going to do. Howard said he'd want everyone to get behind Hillary if she won. The caller said they never would though.
Howard said Trump's daughter is sexy, right? The caller, Mike, said yes. Howard said Melania is hot too. Howard said he's going over the stuff that's positive about him. Robin said she's not that choked up about how Melania is wearing her hair these days. Howard said he's voting for a Melania who changes the way first ladies conduct themselves. He said she should show it off and wear bikinis. Robin said she hopes she gets fat. Howard said Trump won't allow that. Mike asked about mass deportations. Howard said he's still talking about Melania. Howard told Mike to calm down and relax. He said we have 4 years of him and they have to see what happens.
Robin read a story about how Hillary's campaign manager spoke last night. Robin had some audio of the guy talking about how proud they are of Hillary and everyone who backed her.
Robin read a story about vaping and a study that was done about that. Robin said they say that 3 million teens are using vaping devices.
Howard took a call from a woman calling from Canada. She said they have Donald as President and they have to accept it, right? Howard said that's right. The caller said she made up a new National Anthem for the country. Howard said he'll entertain this. Howard told her to just sing the song. She sang it as ''Hit 'em with the Hein'' and Howard hung up after the second ''Hit 'em with the Hein.''
Robin read a story about breast cancer that found that breast cancer isn't always a lump. Robin said you have to look out for those other symptoms.
Howard took a call from a guy who was talking to someone else. The caller got off the other call and said he did a great interview with Sting. He said the Lady Gaga interview was great too. He said he broke down crying listening to that. He said he has to ask if he's ever going to interview Kanye West. Howard said he would if he was offered to him. The caller told him to get Baba Booey on that.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he thinks that we do have to get behind whoever wins. He said Howard's calmness has been awesome. Howard said his life is going to go on. He said last night he masturbated to YouPorn. He said it was a father/step-daughter type of porn. He said he ate his eggplant Parmesan and pasta. The caller said the stock market is up 45 points now. He said Sirius is up a penny too. Howard said there you go. Howard said he's just glad the election is over. He said get behind your president and that's it.
Robin read as story about how eating bugs is as healthy as eating beef. Robin said they did a study that found grasshoppers, crickets and meal worms have more nutritional value then beef. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he voted for Beetlejuice. Howard said there you go, that's not a wasted vote. The caller said he thinks Trump is an asshole. Howard said it's over, that's it. He said people are carrying on. He said just give the guy a chance.
Robin read a story about a hotel in Mexico City having a dead body stuffed in a plastic bag and shoved under a bed. Robin said it was there for a week before anyone noticed. Robin said the woman was between 25-30. Robin said the body has not been identified yet.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked if Howard is done with the elitist bullshit. Howard asked what she's talking about. She said she's had it up to here. She said every elitist is depressed today. She told Howard to try Obamacare and try to get on a normal plane with the terrorists. She said she's sick of Howard and Kate Hudson. Howard asked why she's angry. The caller said she's thrilled that Trump won. Howard said she doesn't sound happy. She told Howard to get back on his throne. She said people are angry out there. Robin said she did say anger won. The caller said the Mexicans had better start running. She laughed like a psycho. Howard thanked her for the call and let her go.
Robin said Eddie Redmayne tried out for the part of Kylo Ren in Star Wars. Robin said he tried it in a bunch of ways and they asked if he had anything else and he said no so they thanked him and gave it to Adam Driver. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:10am.
Here's what they played on today's replay show on Howard 100:
Today's show was over around 11:10am.
Here's what they replayed on Howard 100 this morning:
Today's show was over around 11:15am.