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Howard started the show talking about how he has a ton of new ''Whoop, whoops'' for everyone. He said Wolfie went to a gathering of the Juggalos and he has clips from there. Howard said good morning to Robin and Benjy. Howard goofed on the way Benjy says ''Hare'' when he says his name.
Howard had Wendy the Slow Adult announcing that they have ''Jimble Kimble'' coming in today. Howard said they were guest free but Jimmy is in town so he's going to sit in today. Howard said he would have been there but they told him to come in at 8 so they can establish the show or something.
Howard said it should be exciting because Shuli spoke to Bobo last week and told him to prepare a question for him. Howard played a clip of Shuli talking to Bobo about that. Bobo said he would do his research and come up with something interesting. Howard said he sees Bobo is already on the phone. Howard picked up on Bobo and said he doesn't want to know the question but he wonders if he has one. Bobo said he has 4 that he crafted. He said it won't be stupid. He said it's really researched and he's really proud of himself. Howard asked if he has them in order. Bobo said they are in order. He said that he'll open it up with one and then he'll have a closer.
Howard asked Bobo if he has a cold or something. Bobo said he does. Gary said Shuli thinks he has a nervous tick going on and it's not a cold. Howard said he has a ton of Bobo songs but he doesn't see them. Howard played the Shuli clip again and listened for the sniffling thing again. Bobo did it in the clip. Howard said he's doing it a lot. He said he'd developed a thing.
Howard said his mother used to call it ''making minnis.'' Howard said it's like Barney Fife on Andy of Mayberry. Howard said he'd do that sniffing thing too. Howard said he wasn't the brightest bulb and that was him being full of himself. He said maybe Bobo has that going on. He said he'd nip that in the bud. He said people might make fun of him for that.
Howard played a Bobo song parody. He said he has a ton but maybe he'll save some for later when Jimmy is in. Howard asked if he crafted his questions himself. Bobo said he did. Howard did the Bobo sniffle thing. Bobo laughed and said ''Oh no...''
Howard said he's heard Bobo lift questions from the Wrap Up Show before. He said if someone has a question on there then Bobo will use it. Bobo said he'll throw it in the mix. Howard said he gives the person who originated it some time to use it.
Howard asked Robin which Bobo song parody he should play. He ran down a list and asked which one she wanted to hear. Robin said she wanted to hear ''Fuck Bobo'' so Howard played that for her. Howard said that was from James Cargill. He said he wrote ''Tits so Firm and Right'' so he played that for Robin too. He said he's a pervy crooner.
Howard said he wrote one about him too but no one wants to hear that. Bobo said he did. Howard played the song and it was about his eating habits. Howard said that's a good job James Cargill. Howard said that guy is prolific.
Howard had a prank call the guys made to a restaurant using clips of him complaining about the wrong food order. They had Howard going over the order he got and how he had to pick things out of it.
Howard said Eric Andre said that's his favorite prank call. Howard said he thinks he's actually heard the greatest of all time. Howard said he pissed his pants listening to this. He said his wife caught him listening to it and he was laughing so much and Beth heard it and didn't care about it. Howard said she doesn't care about phony phone calls. Howard said this might be the greatest so far. He said he'll take a break and then play it. Howard put Bobo on hold so he can get to him when Jimmy comes in. Howard said Wendy the Slow Adult has some questions for Jimmy too. Howard said he has a bunch of song parodies for Bobo to play too. Howard said he'll take a break and then get to the greatest phony phone call of all time.
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Howard said he has to take a call from Melania Trump. Howard picked up on fake Melania. The guys were playing clips of a pre-recorded Melania. Howard asked what she's up to. Melania said she loves the Trump supporters and part of making America Great again is doing Meth. She was calling in from the tub. Howard asked if she would have him in her tub. She said maybe.
Howard asked Melania about her husband not releasing his tax returns and things like that. Melania asked if it's true he has a home filled with kitty cats. Howard said he does. She said he's more whipped than Robin's great grand father.
Howard asked if they worry about the Zika virus. Melania said her husband is going to make a big mosquito tent that will cover America and he'll make the mosquitos pay for it. An alarm went off and Melania said that means it's sexy time. Howard let Melania go a short time later.
Howard said the judge gave Mel back $500,000 because of the interview she did on the show. Benjy said that the judge ruled that she wasn't supposed to discuss it and when Howard brought it up she didn't deny it so that's why they changed the ruling. Howard said she came there and said she wasn't allowed to talk about it. Howard said she was there to promote something when she came in. Howard said it may have been music. Robin said this is an ironic turn. Robin said Howard is helping Mel Gibson.
Gary said that he doesn't know anything. He said they told him to come in. Howard said he was saying when Oksana was in she was promoting something. What was it. Gary didn't know. Howard thanked the guys for sending him in blindly. Howard said those mother fuckers...
Howard said the guys say no one told Gary to come in. Gary said that it was Ronnie. Ronnie came in and said that all he said was that Howard was calling for him. He said Gary came running in. Howard told Ronnie not to say anything from now on. Howard asked Ronnie about his beard turning gray. Ronnie said he stopped coloring it. Ronnie said he was only coloring the beard. He stopped and it's really gray. Howard asked what happened. Ronnie said he just doesn't feel like doing it. He said everyone tells him it looks better. Howard said he doesn't know about that.
Howard said he's shocked by his new beard. Robin said she thought there was a spotlight on him. Howard said he's engaged now so he's not on the prowl anymore. Ronnie said that's not the case. Howard said he looks like the old man and the sea. Ronnie said when you color it when it's that gray it doesn't color it very well. He said it turned a weird color.
Howard said people who dye their hair it turns orange and looks odd. Howard said that's what it does when it's gray. Howard said it wasn't like that a week ago. Ronnie said when you go in the sun it takes the color away. Howard asked Fred if he's surprised. Fred said it happened over night. Ronnie said it's been 4 days. Fred said he looks like a professor now.
Ronnie asked if he watched the Olympics at all last week. Howard said he didn't. Ronnie said the Women's Beach volleyball is great. He said he's got a DVR now and no more VCR. He said they had the Swiss girls on playing the Brazilians. Howard said there was a Baba Booey at the Olympics. Howard said it was during the beach volleyball. Howard played a clip of a guy being interviewed and throwing out a Baba Booey when he was done with the interview.
Ronnie said the Archery stuff was pretty cool too. Howard said that's a nice beard he has.
Howard said there was an announcer who had Phelps and Lochte mixed up and he was saying that Lochte was going to win but he had the two lanes mixed up. Howard played the clip of the guy explaining that he had the lanes mixed up. Howard said there are only 7 people in the pool and he can't keep that straight. Howard said he'd fuck that up but that's the guy's job. Howard asked how he doesn't know what lane they're in. Robin said he was obviously confused.
Jimmy came in and said Ronnie looks like Letterman with that beard. Ronnie said he doesn't like it. Jimmy said maybe he's trying to get out of his engagement. Howard said he doesn't think he's wrong. Howard said it's like saying fuck you to Stephanie. Ronnie said she likes it. He said he talked to her about it and she likes it.
Jimmy said he asked Ronnie if her parents are going to pay for the wedding. Ronnie said he just laughed. Ronnie said Jimmy has gray in his beard to. Robin said it's in his beard but Ronnie's is full gray. Ronnie said he bets her beard is gray too.
Jimmy said he misses the basic sex tips that Ronnie used to do. He said he wants him to get back to that. Howard said he writes his own. Ronnie said he works with the guys on them. Howard said he should forget that and just do them himself. Howard said Jimmy is right. He said he should get back to doing his own real sex tips. Howard said they're practical and people would use them.
Howard asked Ronnie if he's done anything in the past month that might be worth mentioning. Ronnie said he tried double cock rings. He said they have 3 different sizes. He said you put a big one on the lower part of your cock and then you take the smaller one and put it by the head of your cock. Jimmy asked if his cock looks like a balloon animal. Ronnie said it makes the head of your cock swell. He said it's really fucking cool. He said if you want to do something really cool you put one on your head an then you take the motor one and put that on the bottom.
Jimmy asked where you get this stuff. Howard said they're made by Trojan. Jimmy asked if it strangles your penis for you. Ronnie said it has a vibrator on it so you can plant the motor right on your woman's clit. Jimmy asked if he goes to the store to get it. Ronnie said they get all of that shit there at the show.
Howard played a song parody Ronnie sang about the cock ring. Ronnie said Richard and Sal wrote that. Howard asked if cock rings are for old dues. Ronnie said that it's not just old dudes. He said they're for everyone. Ronnie said he went into a store once in Philadelphia and they sold that stuff there and it was all young people. Howard said imagine there was a cock ring store and it was doing big business. Ronnie said this place was packed. Howard asked who told him to get it. Ronnie said he was just checking stuff out. Howard said maybe it keeps you hard so that's why it's for older people. Ronnie said it's not just for old guys.
Jimmy asked if he uses it all the time. Ronnie said no. He said it's just once in a while. Jimmy said he thinks it would be great if he got back to the simple sex tips. Howard said they're so over the top now that you can't even do them. Howard said he can just talk about his days as a cocksman.
Jimmy said he liked the one where he talked about getting covered in talcum powder. He said that's what people don't do anymore.
Jimmy said his daughter is in the other room. He said he just remembered. Howard said she is an adult but it is embarrassing. Howard said his original sex tip was about eating ass. Howard played the one he was talking about where Ronnie talked about licking a girl's ass and how to get into it. He said you work your way down and get your tongue in there. He said she'll moan like the moon.
Jimmy said the one he did was one where the woman lays on top of you and you only move a little bit. Ronnie said he knows what he's talking about. He said he remembers Jimmy telling him that he had tried it.
Howard said now they're so outrageous. He did an impression of Ronnie talking about shoving a T-rex bone into the woman and then chopping her head off. Howard let Ronnie go after that.
Howard said ''Hit 'em with the Hein!'' is really taking off. Jimmy said it really is a great little phrase. Howard said on the New England Patriots football coverage they're using it. Howard played a clip of some coverage where the announcer used the phrase. Howard said that's crazy. He said in the same game they used it a second time. Howard played that clip too. Howard said that was Christian Foria. Howard thanked him for using that. Howard played some of Jason's ''Hit 'em with the Hein!'' and a song parody about the ''Hit 'em with the Hein!'' thing too.
Howard asked why the other announcer doesn't say something about that. Howard said it's spreading faster than the Zika virus.
Howard said the way he won Jane over was by doing a song like his dad did. Howard said he puts on the voice like his dad and he sings the Jane Name Game. Howard said it's part Sy Dresner. He said it's a very authoritative voice. Howard said he starts to sing the song and now she's hypnotized. Howard said she was in a trance.
Howard said then he sings the name song about Jane in that voice. Howard said the kid loves it. Jimmy said she made him do it like 150 times in a row. Fred played some of Howard's dad singing ''Old Man River'' from when he was a kid. Howard said that's the only time he saw his dad not yelling at him.
Jimmy asked if he recorded that at work and then brought it home. Howard said it was family day when they all went in and recorded stuff. Howard said his dad would set the record button and go in and sing. He said his dad would engage them and ask him political questions at the age of 5. Howard said it would be like asking Jane political questions. Howard said Jane liked his singing. Howard said she started to cry and he's start singing and she'd stop. Jimmy said that Jane just turned 2. Howard said she still wears the dipes like Wendy. Jimmy asked if this is the same couch that Wendy shit on last week. Howard said she was on the other end.
Howard said he has some questions from Wendy for Jimmy to answer. Jimmy asked to hear her intro too. Howard said he never sang to Katie. He said maybe he can do that. Howard said he thinks he's scary looking so he has this song thing down to make kids comfortable. Howard said the name game is one and then The Bear went over the Mountain is another one.
Howard said that Beth had never heard the name game before. Jimmy said she thought Howard made it up. Howard said he doesn't date anyone who knows the name game. He said it means you're too old.
Howard played the Wendy the Slow Adult announcing that ''Jimble Kimble'' was coming in. Wendy mentioned that Jimmy bought her bowling shoes from her wish list. Jimmy said he had to contact Gary to get her address.
Howard said Bobo has questions for Jimmy today too. Howard played a clip of Wendy asking for more gifts from her wish list. She ran down a long list of things she'd like from Jimmy.
Howard said he has to play the call. Jimmy said that he may be over hyping it. Howard said maybe he is. He said he loves the call though. Howard said they've called this show before and this woman has a southern accent and speaks with a really deep voice. Howard said they called her with an impersonator and had her saying that she stole her voice.
Howard played the call and the guys called the woman and they did an impression of the woman and said that she stole her voice. They went back and forth and the woman hosting said she knows it's a dude. The guy said she's a woman too. They had her saying that she had chafed cunt lips and things like that. The host said she's ready to go back to her rotary phone after all of this internet stuff. Howard was cracking up listening to that. Howard said the other mother fuckers in there aren't laughing. Jimmy said it was okay. Howard said he has tears in his eyes. Howard said he's crying over it.
Howard said that she slapped her snatch on the phone. Howard said that's the greatest phony phone call. Robin said it might be but it's not funny.
Howard said Wendy was in Richard, Sal and Memet's office performing a song and she farted. He said it was awful. Howard played the clip and Wendy was repeating some lines for the guys and she let one rip. Howard said the guys said it was really bad. Jimmy said that they have something in common with her. He said we all laugh when we fart.
Howard said Jimmy doesn't annoy him and he never says anything stupid. Howard said he doesn't try to out funny him or anything either. Howard said he's just easy. He said he comes to the house and sits there and works on his TV stuff. Howard said he's hosting the Emmys. Howard said he's doing that in September. Howard said he's always writing jokes. He said he never did read them to him. Jimmy said he'll call him.
Howard said the woman who made the funniest phony phone call is going to come in. Howard had her come in and the guy was doing the voice for him. Howard let her go after talking to her for a minute. Jimmy said that was much funnier live than it was in the call.
The caller asked Howard what this game is that he has to play. Howard said he has a Wendy Movie game. Howard said they explain a movie to Wendy and ask her if she knows what movie it is. Howard said they give her the answer basically. Howard said they also have an Evil Dave game to play. Howard said that guy is fascinating. Howard said people think he's an impressionist but he really just sounds like David Letterman. Howard said they gave him names to say and sometimes he gets them wrong. Howard said they asked him to say Nicki Minaj and Joaquin Phoenix. He got Nicki wrong and Joaquin right. Howard played a bunch of clips and Dave got Amanda Seyfried wrong. He said that he got Ralph Fiennes wrong. Howard played Dave saying Martin Scorsese correctly. He had him saying Zach Galifianakis wrong and Carly Fiorina correctly. Howard played him saying a bunch of other ones. He got Shia LaBeouf wrong but got Benedict Cumberbach right. He got Kaley Cuocco wrong and got Orville Redenbacher right. Howard quickly went through a bunch of names and asked the guys as they went along if they thought he was going to get them right.
Howard said he should take a break and then get to Bobo's questions. Howard said maybe they can play another phony phone call. Howard said they have a call they made to Tradio where they had a pull string doll to sell that says racist things. Howard played that as they went to break. In the call they called into the show with fake Michael Caine saying that it's the first pull string doll made in the United States. Then he played some of the phrases and the host of the show was cracking up at all of the racist comments it was making. The host said that was entertaining and now he feels special.
Howard said he has Spoken Word Robin on the phone for Jimmy. Howard picked up and the guys were playing clips of Robin doing spoken word about Jimmy Kimmel. They had her saying something about how his penis could kill you. Jimmy said you hear Nick Cannon do that and you think he's lost his mind but then he came on the show and laughed about it. He said it's inexplicable otherwise. Howard said he has a lot of corporate deals. He said he ordered a turban on Amazon last night and he figured that he could go to Disneyland wearing that and people would leave him alone. He said his wife didn't think that would be a good idea. He said he's planning on going this week. He said it's been very hot there in Brooklyn. He said they rented a house and the air conditioning was broken.
Howard asked if he rented the house online. Jimmy said he did. He said this place is dirty and it had no air conditioning until midnight. Howard asked why he rents houses like that. Jimmy said he asks himself the same question.
Howard asked why he's doing the Emmys. Jimmy said they have some down time in the summer and it kind of ruins that. He said he's just going to do it. Howard asked what the hardest part of the Emmys is. Jimmy said wrangling everyone is difficult. He said that you only have 3 or 4 minutes to do a monologue. He said he can't really test it out either.
Howard asked if he writes something for a celebrity and they refuse to do it then you're fucked. Howard said it's a big deal to host the Emmys. Jimmy said he could get one for Howard. Howard said he should have won one for America's Got Talent. Jimmy said it seems like only the host gets nominated for those kind of Emmys. He said Heidi Klum could win for Project Runway.
Howard asked if Jimmy feels responsible for the ratings of the Emmys. Jimmy said they credit the host with the bad ratings or the good ratings unfairly.
Howard said Heidi Klum is fine but how does she win a Peabody award. Howard said he doesn't get that. Jimmy said they give them to comedy shows randomly too. Howard said she won an Emmy in 2013. Gary said she was nominated a bunch of years too. Howard asked how that's possible. Howard said that's crazy. Howard asked if she's that great at being a host. Jimmy said no. He said the show is a pretty good idea for a show.
Howard said Jimmy's show and the Tonight Show were nominated for Emmys and Colbert was not. Jimmy said he thinks he won last year. Howard asked what he thinks. Jimmy said he thinks it would be funny if Fallon won over him and he has to come back on after losing. Howard said he should come out and just knock him over.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said she has A/C and a spotless house that he can stay at. Mariann asked Jimmy what the secret is to keeping Howard as a friend. She said he's gone through other friends. Jimmy said he thinks Howard likes him because he only sees him once or twice a year. Howard said he gets sad when he leaves too. Howard said Jimmy left on Saturday and he thought he was going to be around until Sunday. Jimmy said not over staying your welcome is the key.
Mariann said that she read a story about Jimmy being into fly fishing too. Howard said Jimmy is into catch and release but he's not. Howard said he read that they die after you catch and release. Jimmy said you have to know how to handle them. He said they don't die. Howard said he doesn't know about that.
Jimmy said going fishing with Howard was one of the funniest things. He said he and Howard were out fishing and a swan came after them and they were terrified. He said he grabbed an extra oar just in case. He said that if it was on video it would be one of the most popular things ever.
Mariann said she wanted to ask Howard a question. She asked if he ever doesn't take Don Buchwald's advice. Howard said he's trying to think. Howard said he thinks they've disagreed on some things. Howard said on America's Got Talent they didn't agree. Howard said Don said don't do it. Howard said he eventually became a fan of the show and loved it. Jimmy asked if he thinks Don is still watching it. Howard said no.
Mariann is still watching the show and gave Howard some updates that he didn't want to hear. Howard hung up on Mariann and said he really has to take a break. He played a Mariann from Brooklyn song parody and went to break a short time later.
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Howard had a clip of one of the songs they did for them. Howard said they're a super group. Howard said they have the concert on HowardStern.com too. Howard said this is one of the best riffs ever. Howard said that will be on Howard 101 on Friday night. Howard said he gets angry when he hears this song. Howard played another song they performed. That was ''Killing in the Name.''
Howard said Jimmy is there and he's not promoting anything. Howard gave him a plug for his late night show though. Howard said he's just hanging out today. Jimmy said he just wanted to hang out. He said he doesn't have to rush out today to do anything else.
Jimmy said he did ask the questions on the show when he was on Kelly and Michael's show. He said Gellman was twisting uncomfortably through the whole thing. Howard asked if he thinks that Kelly has only fucked Mark Consuelos. Robin said he might be the only man. Howard said he should have asked that. Howard said she's very cute. Howard asked if she's Jimmy's type. Jimmy said she is. He said even Mark is his type. He said Kelly is very funny. Howard said he's busy looking at her so he wouldn't know.
Howard said Sal tells him that Kelly has one of the best camel toe pictures on the internet. Howard told Sal to come in to talk about that. Sal came in and said it's wonderful. He said it's meaty and appetizing. He said she's in a competition and she squats down and she's wearing yellow pants changing a tire. He said her cunt just curls in like a fist. Sal said it's like a veal with a cut in the middle. Jimmy said Sal looks so normal. He said then he opens his mouth and he's talking about a meaty cunt. Howard said he's so perverted. Sal said he's a normal, horny guy. Howard said Sal isn't banging his wife that often. Sal said he did her a week ago.
Gary came in with the camel toe picture. Howard said ''Oh wow!'' Sal said her lips are bigger than Gary's. Howard told Sal to get out of there.
Howard said they say that Kelly dated another man before Mark. He said she dated Vincent Young. Howard said he doesn't know him.
Bobo said he crafted these questions on his own. Howard had him ask one. Bobo asked Jimmy about staying at Howard's house with Molly and if they can have sex in one of his bedrooms or is it too uncomfortable to do that in one of his many bedrooms. Jimmy said he likes that he asked about the many bedrooms. Howard said his place isn't that big. Jimmy said he feels he's encouraged to do so. Howard asked if he had sex at his house this weekend. Jimmy said he doesn't think so. He said the baby throws something extra into the mix.
Howard had Bobo ask another one. Bobo asked if Jimmy has ever had a guest on that had something go wrong in the green room that he can share. Jimmy asked him to ask it again so they can diagram it. Howard played a song parody about Bobo. Howard had him ask the question again. Bobo asked it again but Howard just played another song parody about how that just sucked. Howard said he's sure Jimmy doesn't even have an answer for that. Jimmy said he never goes to check on the guests in the green room. Howard said that question sucked.
Bobo asked what made Jimmy single out Matt Damon for ending his show every night. Howard said that's such a bad question. Jimmy said it was just the first name that popped into his head. He said that Bobo started off strong but this isn't going well.
Robin asked what Bobo's closer is. Bobo said he was just wondering about this. He said he's curious to know if he can walk them trough what kind of prep he goes through when the President is on the show. Howard asked him to walk them trough that because he has Hillary Clinton on next Monday. Jimmy just laughed. Howard played another Bobo song parody after Fred did an impression of Bobo asking his awful question.
Jimmy said the secret service comes in and sweeps the place with a dog but other than that it's like a regular guest. Jimmy said he's not sure about what else they change over there when they have someone like that on the show.
Bobo asked Jimmy to rate the questions. Jimmy said the first one was the only one that was okay. He didn't like any of the others. Howard played Bobo off with another song parody about how bad he is on the air.
Robin said that guy who he did phone sex with was one. Howard said that was Matt the Giggler or something. Howard said Big Foot is another but he's off the radar right now. Howard said he might have some inside info about Big Foot.
Jimmy said he wants to talk to Wendy the Slow Adult about her wish list. Howard picked up on Wendy and said Jason has a story about doing some recording with her. Jason came in and said he has some stories. Howard asked Wendy what she's doing right now. Wendy was on her way to Walmart. She said she's going to have pizza there. Howard asked Wendy if she'll be getting there for breakfast. Wendy said yes. Howard asked how soon after she'll make doody in her diaper. Wendy said as soon as it comes out. Howard said he's sure that will be soon.
Howard said even her phone is retarded. Howard said it sounds awful. Howard said her entire day is centered around eating. Wendy said she has a friend who works at Walmart. She said he gets the carts at Walmart. Wendy said she watches him get carts. Howard asked if he's retarded. Wendy said yes. Howard asked if they're just friends or is it romantic. Wendy said it's romantic. She said it's been going on a while now. Howard asked if they shit diapers at the same time. Wendy said yes. Howard asked a bunch of questions that Wendy answered yes to about shitting in diapers and about the boyfriend, Wes. Howard asked her about looking in each other's diapers and taking food out of the diaper.
Robin asked if she's having sex with Wes. Wendy said yes. Howard asked if they do things without their diaper on. Wendy said no. She said it's just kissing. Robin asked if he's ever put his hand in her diaper. Wendy said no.
Howard asked if Wendy has ever put Wes' fouled diaper on her head. Wendy said yes to that and a bunch of other questions he asked. She said she wants to have a baby with Wes. Robin asked if she knows how to have a baby. Wendy said she has seen cats have babies and the babies come out of her pussy. Howard asked if she wants kittens to come out of her pussy. Wendy said yes.
Howard asked Jason what his story was. Jason said Wendy was up there and she was running up and down the hall clenching her ass to hold her doody in. He said he rushed her to the bathroom so she could go. He said she had a great week up there. Jason said she asked him when it's okay to ask Howard for money for Christmas. Howard said maybe once the temperature drops below 120.
Jimmy asked Wendy who set up her wish list. Wendy said she did. Jimmy said she didn't include her address because he had to call Gary to ask for the address. Jimmy told her to check that so she can get some wish list stuff from the fans.
Wendy asked Jimmy to get her a Nintendo game system because someone stole it from her. Howard said her mom probably threw it away. Jimmy told her to go work on the wish list and maybe Santa will bring her some things. Howard said he hopes she has a good time at Walmart. Wendy said she didn't mean to fart in the studio when she was doing the music special. Howard played that clip again where she ripped a fart during her recording session with Memet. Howard said she was in love with Memet. Wendy said she is.
Jimmy asked if Wes knows she has a crush on Memet. Wendy said he doesn't. Howard played another clip where Wendy asked Memet to go hang out with her at the bowling alley. Memet said he can do that. He gave her a phone number. Wendy asked what he does in his personal life. Memet said he likes to jog. Wendy said she does too. She said she likes to swing a lot. Memet said they should go on a date next time she's in town.
Howard said Wendy said she loves Jason more than anyone there in the office. Howard said Jason is so hot. Howard said they had a great time with Wendy up there. He said he gave her yogurt and berries and she put sugar on it. Howard said she put six packs of sugar on it. He said it wasn't so healthy but it was a start.
Howard asked Jimmy who he thinks will go first, Jeff the Drunk, High Pitch Erik, Beetlejuice or Big Foot. Jimmy asked how old Beet is. Howard said he's not sure. Howard said he gives a different age every time he's there. Howard said Big Foot has a bad cough. Jimmy said big guys die young. He said he wants them to last as long as the show. Jimmy said he thinks Big Foot will go first and High Pitch Erik will go next. Howard said he thinks High Pitch Erik will go first. Wendy agreed. Jimmy said Beet will be number 3 and Jeff may out live all of them. Howard said he has a bad cough though. Jimmy said none of them are going to the Olympics.
Howard played a clip of Shuli interviewing Big Foot who says he's taking Vikodin by snorting it. He takes it for his head cold. Howard said maybe he should be moved up on the list. Jimmy said he should move up to number 1.
Howard played a clip of Wendy asking Jimmy a question about what he likes to do while he's at work. Jimmy just laughed. Wendy also asked what his favorite Nightmare on Elm Street is. Jimmy said he hasn't seen any of them. Howard said Wendy was also recording another one and farted again. He played that but it was just Wendy asking what his farts smell like. Jimmy said he thinks those questions answer themselves.
Howard said goodbye to Wendy and she hung up but he had more questions for her. Jimmy said he gets a new nickname every time he's on the show.
Howard asked if it's exciting and if he gets nervous when he has Hillary Clinton on the show. Jimmy said he knows it will be examined closely. Jimmy said he doesn't really get nervous.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Beetlejuice used to be his favorite Wack Packer until today when Wendy became his favorite. Jimmy said this guy just became his favorite. The caller, Chris, said he talks kind of funny. Howard asked what his affliction is. He said he has a cleft palate. Howard said the guy who used to be on the show with a cleft palate didn't even have one. He had a problem with his tongue according to Chris. Chris said he thinks he may have been kind of lazy growing up when he had speech lessons. He said he thinks they did a great job. Howard asked if he knows what 33x2 is. Chris said 66. Jimmy said he just talked himself out of a job. Howard said he could have been hanging out with Donnie Wahlberg and beating off to him. Howard asked if he has shit his diaper. Chris said he has shit his pants but not a diaper. He said they say he looks like Willie Nelson. Howard asked what 33x2 is again. Chris gave the same answer. Howard asked if he's retarded. Chris said he might be a little bit. Howard asked if he has a job. Chris said he steam cleans and polishes cars. Howard said no Wack Packer can hold a job.
Howard asked Chris if he's married. Chris said he isn't and he doesn't have kids. Howard said he can't have him as a Wack Packer. Chris said that's okay. Howard asked if he has ever jerked off to Donnie Wahlberg. Chris laughed and said he hasn't. Howard let him ago after that.
Jimmy said Howard is into these animals and he wonders if he had a rat in the house, would he kill it. Howard said yes. He said a rat is disgusting. Robin said the cats might take care of that. Howard said they did rescue a vole. He said that it was outside though. He said Beth would have to kill it and he's not sure she would do it. Robin said they could set up a humane trap. Howard said they could. Howard said Wendy was eating White Castle burgers up there and they were from a freezer. He said they're kind of grayish and she liked those better. Howard played a clip of Wendy talking about why she likes them better than McDonald's. Howard played another clip of Wendy eating and belching before going to break.
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Howard said he used to be nuts. He said he flushes the toilet with his foot. Jimmy said he does too. Howard said they have to put the pail next to the door. Jimmy said maybe outside the door. Robin said that's kind of a hazard. Jimmy said they have people shitting in the halls there. Howard said Cate Blanchett criticized his bathrooms at work too. Jimmy said it was a new bathroom and people thought she was being a snob.
Howard asked Jimmy if he's putting in a lot of hours at work. Jimmy said it's like wall to wall with the baby and work. Howard said he saw him for the first time in baby mode. Howard said he had the nanny with him too. Jimmy said that they weren't sure how that was going to work out. Jimmy said Molly was very nervous about it. Jimmy said it did work out well though. Jimmy said he has no free time at all these days.
Howard said it was weird seeing him in Dad mode. He said he was handling it just fine. Howard said he thought about how he could handle it but he's in his 60s and Jimmy is in his 40s.
Howard said he and Jimmy exercised together. He said they ran a little. He said he trained Jimmy in the gym too. Howard said Jimmy should do some running. He said he lost a ton of weight but that's just from not eating. Jimmy said he changed it up a little. He said he gets desert when he goes out and he can't not eat it. Howard said they were eating a lot of salads for lunch and stuff. He said they were eating a lot for dinner too. He said he had a party for Jimmy and they had some people over. Howard said they had some intellectual conversations. He said they talked politics. Jimmy said he just gives up with the stuff people tell him to watch. He said he had to watch Stranger Things. Howard said he had to do what with the OJ Simpson mini series.
Howard said he and Beth figured they need something to watch together. He said that Jimmy had that girl from The Girlfriend Experience on his show. Howard asked if Jimmy watches that. Jimmy said he can't keep up with all of the shows. Howard said she dressed like a nun on Jimmy's show. Howard asked if he gets disappointed when a female guest doesn't dress sexy. Howard said he'll stay tuned a lot longer if they're dressed sexy. Howard said tittie dresses equal ratings. He said that worked for America's Got Talent.
Howard said some guests come out and sit down and they dimple and show cellulite. Howard said what they do with Jimmy's show is zoom out so you don't see it. Howard said Letterman used to rub ice cubes on the women's nipples to get them hard. Howard wondered where Letterman is now. Howard said Jimmy must wonder too. Jimmy said he has a feeling he's digging the retirement. He said he did that interview with Tom Brokaw and it seems like he's liking it. Howard said he thinks he's weird enough to take on being an electrician or something like that. Jimmy said he can imagine something like that. Howard said Jon Stewart had a job like that and now he's got a big beard and he's on a farm. Jimmy said Jon is happy doing what he's doing. He said he's working but it's not the heavy lifting like it used to be.
Howard and Jimmy talked about Jay Leno and his car show. Howard said he could be a judge on a hottest intern show. Howard said he's watching the show Night Manager. Robin said she has to catch up with that. Howard said it's only like 8 episodes. Howard said all of a sudden TV is good again. Robin said movies are sucking. Howard asked why that is. Howard said the binge watching shows are so good and movies aren't. Jimmy said there are some good movies but you can do a TV show and people will see that. He said they may not see a limited release movie.
Howard said Ray Donovan is really good too. Jimmy said he's not watching that. Howard said Liev Schreiber should change his name to Ray Donovan. He said he thinks Bela Lugosi did something like that. Jimmy said he thinks George Reeve jumped out a window like Superman. Howard said he's going to be buried as Fartman.
Howard said they had a little party for Jimmy over the weekend. He said it was a nice group of people. Howard said they talked and drank. He said he had too much food. Howard said that's his M.O. Jimmy said he eats healthy when he's at Howard's house. He said he will fall off the wagon at times.
Howard said Jimmy was eating his daughter's peanut butter and jelly. He said he has to watch that. Howard said Jimmy is actually working out too. He said he has a trainer two times a week. Jimmy said he likes it. He didn't at first but now he does.
Howard said Jimmy is going to enter a body building contest. He said he's going to go up against Joe Piscopo. Howard said Joel McHale is working out too. Jimmy said he's getting really buff. Howard said he's like Carrot Top. He's got muscles upon muscles.
Howard said it's nice having Jimmy there and he doesn't have to run out the door. Howard said Jimmy was asking him about Benjy. Jimmy said he has something to say about Benjy that Howard may not like. Howard said he got a note saying that his daughter is bored. He said she's 25 next week. Howard said he's got a 22 year old son too. Jimmy said his 22 year old started listening to the show recently. Howard said that's a nice spread of ages. Jimmy said his son is catching up on Eric the Actor. He said he's just letting him get into it all on his own.
Howard said tomorrow they have Tracy Morgan coming in. He said he hasn't heard from him since the accident. Howard said he can't wait.
Howard asked what he has to say about Benjy. Jimmy said being late once in 6 years isn't that big of a deal. Robin said he must understand that he used to be late on a regular basis. The guys noticed Robin was doing something in there. Robin was cleaning up coffee that she spilled.
Howard said you think about people who are behind the scenes and you don't worry about that. He said Benjy could be on time. Howard said he's disrupted when he comes through the door. Benjy said he's right. He said it was his fault and it sucks. Jimmy said it's been six years though. Robin said they don't want to let him get back into it. Gary said he used to come in at the last minute and he'd almost knock people down in the hall. He said even walking in 5 minutes before the show starts is a distraction. Jimmy said if it's been six years it's another story. He said he should have kicked him out of the studio.
Howard said he has a clip from the show Hard Knocks. Howard said this guy brought a girl into his room and the guy just releases him like that. He played the clip and the guy came in and asked what part of the rules he doesn't understand. The player said she was just dropping something off. The guy told the player that he has to let him go. He didn't hesitate. Howard said if you hit a girl in the NFL they're let you keep playing so that's interesting. Jimmy said they wouldn't do that if he was a great player.
Howard asked what his point was about Benjy. Jimmy said he's not sure. Jimmy said he saw him out in the hall trying to order a coffee and it became a whole thing.
Benjy asked which one likes the other more thane the other. Howard said he likes being with Jimmy. Jimmy said Howard's voice is the one he's heard more than anyone else's in his life. Howard said he doesn't have a lot of friends. He said he loves Jimmy. Jimmy said he thinks Howard is more important in his life. Howard said he doesn't get attached to people. He said with therapy he likes being with people and he likes being with Jimmy. He said he's kind of let down when he leaves. Jimmy said sometimes you have people over and you've had enough at some point.
Howard said he had 3 movies to watch and Jimmy wanted to watch one and he just went to bed. He said he's not that much fun. Jimmy said he and Molly watched Stranger Things together instead. He was fine with that.
Jimmy said he is fun. He said he likes that they're together at times but then they can go to their rooms and work on stuff. Howard said they spent like 50 percent of the day together and 50 apart. He said it's very confusing to him. He said he thought it would be weird with Jane there but it wasn't at all.
Jimmy asked Robin what she's doing over there. Her microphone was off. She was still cleaning up in her studio. Robin said she's done now.
Howard took a call from Balls who said Jimmy is great in there. He asked if he has ever taken a bit too far. Jimmy said not a bit but he has made fun of people and he's gone too far.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who asked if they have black cleaning people at Howard's house. Howard said they don't. He asked if they throw away their glasses when people leave. Howard told him to stop it. King asked if they watch any black shows. Howard said no. Jimmy said he watched nothing but black shows growing up. Howard and Jimmy don't watch Empire or Power. Howard said he doesn't watch that stuff. He said they only had like 2 black guys on The Bachelor. He said they get rid of them after the first 2 episodes. Howard said they aren't watching a lot of black shows. Howard said he watches black movies. He said he likes that Netflix show with the black super hero. Howard said he digs Luke Cage. They spent a little more time talking to King about black people on TV and movies. They talked about black people with moustaches and King had weird theories about that. King talked about President Obama's mom jeans too. He asked if Howard has ever purchased Balmain jeans. Howard said he hasn't. King said they're like $2,500. Howard said that's ridiculous. King said you go into a poor black neighborhood and see them on a lot of people. Jimmy said King would be great on FOX news.
King asked Howard who he's voting for. Howard said he's a Hillary supporter and Trump knows that. He said he's been a Hillary supporter for a long time. Howard said he really has to go after another minutes of King talking about the Balmain jeans. Gary said they looked it up and they're $1,500 and up. King said he has a friend who bought them with his income tax rebate. Howard said he can call another time. He said King is good. He teaches them a lot. King asked if Howard eats pussy. Howard said he would. He said with his wife she's clean as a whistle. Howard said he really has to go. Howard said he has to get to the news. He did a live commercial read and then went to break.
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Howard said it's time for some news. He had Robin get into that after playing her in with a song parody. Howard talked about Jimmy letting his facial hair grow out. Howard asked Robin if she has ever had a hair come out of her nipple. Robin said never. Howard said he knows some women do. Howard said they have to pull it out with tweezers. Robin said that's not fun. Howard asked Jimmy how much longer he's going to do his show. Jimmy said he has a plan but then you get there and things change. Howard said he thinks it's enough for him. He said he might just leave when his next contract is up. Robin said they should just do it until they die on the air. Howard said Robin shouldn't be drinking the hard alcohol she's drinking. Jimmy said he thinks it's fine. Howard said there's a lot going on in that drink. Howard asked if that tasted good. Robin said it was good. Jimmy said they can be good. Robin said she sipped it slowly too. She said she didn't get drunk. Jimmy was surprised after a Long Island Iced Tea that she didn't get drunk. Robin said she drinks every 2 months or so. Howard said she drinks wine. Robin said she only does when she has guests.
Howard asked Robin for the news. Robin read a story about Paul McCartney saying that he and Yoko Ono are friends now. Howard said he just gave up. Howard said he just gave in to her. Robin said John isn't around anymore and it shouldn't be up to her to make changes. Howard said he wonders how things would be today if he was still around. They spent a little time talking about McCartney and Lennon. Howard said Paul is a grown up so he can do stuff like that.
Robin said Adele has turned down the offer to perform at the Super Bowl. Howard said finally someone is smart. Robin said it's a tough thing to do. Jimmy said it can spike record sales though. Howard played a clip of Adele talking about saying no to the offer. Robin said she's available. Fred played a clip of Robin singing ''Hello.''
Howard said he had an article about people who have to buy vinyl. Jason said they said it was sad and lonely middle aged men. Howard said it's such a stupid thing. He said you might as well buy a car that runs by steam. Howard said it's mind boggling that Gary is into that. Gary said it's the fastest growing format. Jimmy said they sold 200 last year and 400 this year.
Howard said they have a private intranet and Gary was trying to send a link to something for the show but he sent a link for a vinyl hand bag. Howard said they realized he's so into it that he was looking for a special bag to carry his stuff in. Gary said he was looking at vinyl records and that came up. Jason said it was an Etsy link so it wasn't vinyl records. Gary said he wasn't looking for a vinyl handbag for himself. Howard said Gary is lying about why he was on that site. He said it's an arts and crafts site. He said it disturbs him that he's so into this stuff. Howard said it can get scratched and it won't sound good. Howard said the whole turntable thing is another thing. Howard asked Jimmy if he gets it. Jimmy said he kind of does. He said he likes hearing Howard talking about it though. He said he studies everything Gary does. He said he's like Jane Goodall and Gary is his ape. Howard said he never would have hired Gary if he knew he'd become a vinyl collector.
Robin read a story about how the woman who outed Anthony Weiner is saying that he's still up to sending pictures to women. Jimmy asked if Robin would leave a guy for texting a woman like that. Robin said it would bother her. She said she couldn't respect the guy for doing stuff like that. Robin said she would wonder how that relationship would work out. Robin said it's like JD and the disgusting things he asks for from the women online. JD said they don't have to get into that. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin asked if Howard is looking for a way to have sex without the mess during a woman's period. Howard said that he likes doing it because her vag lips are engorged. Howard said he's not turned off by that. Jimmy said he can't convince Molly that he's not. Fred played some Ronnie clips where he's talking about the puffed up pussy lips. Howard said he's all for the period. He said he's ready to go. Robin said there's something called the anti-tampon which is a cup device. Robin said it goes in place over the cervix and it stops the blood from coming out. Robin said it isn't that big since you don't have that much blood. Robin said she would do this if her partner didn't mind. Robin said it's called the Flex Menstrual disc. Howard and Fred did their Ronnie impressions talking about that stuff.
Robin read a story about a guy who wants to open a cafe where men could get oral sex while drinking coffee. Robin said it could fall foul of the law.
Howard took a call from High Pitch Erik who asked Jimmy about buying stuff for the Wack Pack. He asked if he'll buy things for him. Jimmy said no because he saw that Erik was asking John Stamos for stuff over text. He said he likes when people don't ask for it. He said Wendy isn't a hustler like Erik is. Erik asked him to buy him an iPhone 6. Howard said he heard he bought a lizard and it's already dead. Erik said it sheds and they don't eat when they do that. He said it was doing that for 2-3 weeks and it died. Howard said he doesn't know how to take care of any pets. Jimmy asked if he's still in the wheelchair. Eric said he uses a walker but he lost 60 pounds. Howard said no way. Erik swears he did. He said he has a hot girl staying with him too. When he tried to put her on the phone Howard said he doesn't care and hung up.
Robin read a story about how John Hinckley Jr. being spotted after getting released. Howard said he can't believe he's out. Robin said he was out doing a food run with his mom. Robin said he was getting a drink from Starbucks or something. Robin said he's 61 now and he was released to the custody of his mom. Robin said she's not sure what the rest of his life is going to be like.
Robin read a story about a 25 year old guy who inherited billions from his father who died.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Elton John was on Jimmy's show recently. He said it seems like Jimmy uses his band less than any other talk show but he has the best. Jimmy said they use them a lot. He said they're all highly respected. He said all of the guys are great on the late night shows. Jimmy said his band leader is a friend of his and he's been friends with him since childhood. Howard said Colbert and Fallon have black bands. Howard asked if he would have a Transgender band. Jimmy said he'd think about it.
Robin read a story about Microsoft buying a gaming company that was owned by an 18 year old. Robin said the kid had 24 employees. Robin said this kid is just awesome. Jimmy asked what game it is. Robin said it's some streaming thing you can do with games. Robin said they're not giving the details of the whole thing.
Robin read about Michael Phelps winning 23 gold medals. Howard said it's great that he's dominating so much. Robin said he's retiring for real this time. Robin had some audio for Howard to play.
Howard took a call from a woman whose phone connection was awful. Howard said he has to hang up. She said it's so terrible. Howard asked why it got better. She said she had it on speaker in the car. She said some women's periods are just awful and they don't want a man touching you. She said for her she's getting older and the last thing she wants is to be touched at night. She said that's a way to get out of having sex. Howard thanked her for the call and did a live commercial read.
Robin read more Olympics news and had some clips for Howard to play.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was wondering if Molly goes to the bathroom in front of Jimmy. Jimmy said she may not even go to the bathroom. He said she will pee near him but not the other thing. Howard said any woman who wants romance shouldn't. He said use your head. Howard said he wont shit in front of his wife. He said she would never fuck him again if he did. Howard said when you go to a hotel the woman will go to the lobby to shit and not in the hotel room. Howard said that's why the have the bathrooms in the lobby. Howard said Beth shits on the International Space Station once a year.
Robin read about Ryan Lochte getting robbed at gun point in Rio. Jimmy asked if he's the dumb one. He said he thinks he's known as the dumb one. Robin said it was traumatic for him. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin said there was a story about how Muslim athletes can't acknowledge the Jewish athletes at the Olympics. Howard said it's the usual anti-Semitism.
Robin read a story about how Donald Trump is railing against the media. Robin said they're constantly talking about if he can pivot in the polls. Robin said they say there is chaos in the campaign. Robin said they are saying that everything is fine though. Robin said if he loses Trump says that it's because the election is fixed. Robin had some audio for Howard to play. Trump thinks the only way he can lose in Pennsylvania is if there's cheating going on.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what he thinks about Robin drinking the top shelf liquors in her Long Island Iced Tea. Robin said she drank it at home and she's not sure what it cost. Jimmy said they don't put top shelf liquor in those.
Howard took a call from Sour Shoes who was doing his George Takei impression. Sour said Brad is being Jimmy Super Fly Snooka. Howard said they do wrestler. George said that's right. Howard asked if he can break his penis when he's being that rough. George said of course. Howard let Sour go a short time later.
Robin read a story about the Ghostbusters reboot and how they're expecting about a $70 million loss. Robin said it's at like $170 million. Howard said he didn't see the thing. Jimmy said they didn't send him the movie and he didn't see it. He said he heard it was good. Howard said he heard that too. Robin said they're thinking that they'll do them animated if they do another Ghostbusters movie.
Robin said Sausage Party did very well. Robin said it brought in $33.6 million. Robin said it beat expectations in the industry. Howard said he heard it was racist and sexist and he figured he had to go see it. The guys in the office called in with a clip of Jimmy saying ''My pussy beard is smooth as silk.'' They kept playing it a bunch of times. Jimmy said it one more time before Howard ended the show. Howard ended the show around 11:25am.
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Howard started the show playing a clip of Wendy the Slow Adult announcing their guest Tracy Morgan. Howard said they also have Triumph the Insult Dog coming in to entertain. Howard said he's doing a quick hit on a Hulu special he's doing. Howard said he saw it and it's very funny. Howard said Robin is a Hulu fan and she knows you can go on and pull it up at any time. Robin said it's an On Demand kind of situation.
Howard said Robin made a phony phone call to a relationship show. Howard played the clip where the guys called in and used clips of Robin from her audio book where she talks about meeting Muhammad Ali and he made her so wet. The hosts of the show listened to the story and asked some questions. They had Robin asking them not to speak over her until she's done with her sentence. She went on to tell more stories about Muhammad Ali and said she asked him to fuck her tight little pussy. The hosts told her to set her life right. They lectured her for a minute after that. Howard said that was a good job Robin. Robin thanked him.
Howard said he was telling everyone about Robin having a Long Island Iced Tea. Robin said she had one and he's making a big deal out of nothing. Howard said he loves finding out what she's up to. Robin said she never goes to restaurants in the summer because of this. Howard said he was talking to Beth about that and she asked if Robin can go out without anyone reporting on her. Howard said no and she's like Taylor Swift with bigger boobs. Howard said Robin said she didn't finish her Long Island Iced Tea. Robin said she doesn't think she did.
Howard said he still thinks Mel Gibson is more of a self destruct kind of guy. Howard said they say Depp also bashed a telephone on the wall and that's what cut off the tip of his finger. Howard said he'd freak out if he did something like that. Howard said he freaks out when he gets a paper cut.
Howard said it happened when he was filming the 5th Pirates of the Caribbean. Howard said there was a time when he wouldn't even do a sequel. He said now he's up to the 5th.
Howard read more about what Depp accuses her of. He said that Depp accused her of cheating on him with Billy Bob Thornton after working with him in a couple of movies. Howard said Amber claims she never did cheat on him because Billy is old enough to be her dad.
Howard said he tuned into a movie and saw that Johnny isn't good looking anymore. He said that made him happy even though the guy is still a lot better looking than he is.
Howard said he has a song parody for Robin. He has Ronnie the Limo Driver and Lenny Dykstra doing a Dueling Banjos kind of thing. Howard played that for Robin. They had Ronnie and Lenny saying really creepy stuff about women. Howard said they have to get Lenny back in there. Howard said he wants to get a radio show going between those two. He said Ronnie is game.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he would ever do a stand up show. Howard said he did it when he was in Hartford. He didn't like doing it. He wasn't horrible at doing it but he did it on a local TV show and it was just okay. He said he can't sit and memorize stuff. He said you have to do that to do the same stuff night after night. He said he never saw himself like that. Howard said he sees himself saying stuff once.
Howard said Chris Rock says that what he does on radio could be a stand up routine but he can't remember it. Howard said he'd rather sit down too. He doesn't really enjoy watching stand up that much. He said he likes being in an audience but not watching it on TV. He said he's seen Chris Rock live and he was great. Norm MacDonald was great live too. He said he saw Jay Leno live many years ago. He said Jerry Seinfeld is great live too. Howard said he once saw Billy Crystal live and he was great but watching it on TV kind of diminishes it.
Howard let the caller go and said he has to take a break to get to Triumph. They went to break after that.
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Howard said Triumph doesn't age. Robin said the bow tie is looking kind of old. Triumph said check with Conan's show about that.
Howard asked Triumph about what kind of dog he is. He said he's a toy Rottweiler. Howard said everyone is going to go on Hulu to check this out. Howard asked what Hulu is. Triumph said that's a good question. Howard asked if they're owned by all of the networks. Triumph said it is. He said it's got more fingers in it than a Duggar child.
Howard asked Triumph about what he thinks about Trump. Triumph said he thinks he'd hump anything with two boobs and is his daughter. He talked about the family and how he has a problem with the family killing animals. Howard asked if the newspapers are being fair to Trump. Triumph said they are not. He said the media gets his followers angry. He said imagine how angry they'd be if they ever learned how to read those articles.
Howard said he didn't know he was political. He said he learned that in his special. Howard said Chris Christie is a big supporter. Triumph said he's still licking his wounds after sticking his paws in a jar of honey. He said he doesn't know how he fits into anything. He said he hears he might be the wall that Trump wants to build. Triumph talked about Mitch McConnell looking like he got face fucked by a lemon.
Howard said Cleveland is a racially charged city. Triumph said nothing in Cleveland has been broken up along party lines since Drew Carrey organized his porn collection.
Howard said Trump has a lot to say about the media being a problem. Triumph said he agrees. He said how dare they report verbatim what he says.
Howard said what Trump could do is go talk to black people and maybe he'd get some of the votes. Triumph said he heard he plans on visiting Newark, South Central and more once his campaign raises enough for all the Purell.
Howard asked Trump about the women who have been with Bill Clinton. Triumph said if he assaulted all of the women in America then Trump would have a shot. Howard said Trump is losing in Georgia. Triumph said he looks like he got venereal disease from fucking a peach.
Howard said Triumph is something else. Triumph said Howard is. He said people are talking about Howard at this election. He said they're all about Trump on Howard Stern. He asked Howard how he was able to get Trump to say all of those disgusting things other than just turning his microphone on.
Howard said he is so excited about his Hulu special. Howard said he sees he just dropped his cigar. Howard said his 2016 Summer Election Special might be his best ever. Triumph said the one he did in the winter was nominated for an Emmy. He said he'll go there with his 70 bald Jew writers. Howard said he has to tell him that putting together a special like that must take a lot of staff. Triumph said it's just like Howard is there. Howard asked how he manages the staff because he had to deal with Benjy coming in late. Triumph said he was supposed to be there at 7 but he's on B-time which is Benjy Time. He said that he heard about Benjy being late and trying to jump the turnstiles. He said the most surprising thing is that Benjy can jump. Howard said he went to Penn State. Triumph said it's funny that he's the most embarrassing thing about that college even after the Sandusky thing.
Triumph said he heard that Benjy doesn't go to a therapist. He goes to a horse whisperer. Triumph said his eyes are lovely but all of those other features. He said it's like hanging a Picasso inside a mobile home. He said Benjy calls it ''building suspense.'' He said he's like Alfred Hitchcock but without the sexiness.
Triumph said that Shuli went on the road trip with Wendy the Slow Adult. He said he sees he's trying to be politically correct with that name but he wonders how that differentiates her from the rest of the staff.
Howard took a call from Ralph Cirella who said the winter special is great too. He said it's really funny. Howard asked if he does all of his specials on Hulu. Triumph said the streaming networks want to prove themselves. They will throw money at the shittiest stuff. Howard asked if he could retire at this point. Triumph said no. He said the Jew up his ass sucks it all up.
Howard said he understands that he's using the ''Hit 'em with the Hein'' catch phrase. Triumph said the phrase and asked what it means. Howard said it's like a goof on his low energy. Howard said he does the Wrap Up Show and a sports show somewhere. Triumph said the other guy is even fatter than Jon. He said he loves seeing guys who can't even see their own genitals talking about athletes. He said maybe Jon should ''Jump the rope'' instead of jumping the shark.
Triumph asked Howard if he ever thought about having his audience yell out ''Can anyone teach me a hirable skill?'' instead of ''Hit 'em with the Hein.''
Howard took a call from Bobo and Triumph asked him why he keeps calling it the Howard K. Stern show if he's such a fan of the show. Bobo laughed. Howard said it's exciting to be attacked by Triumph. Triumph said he's a legend. He said he's a legend like Orlando Bloom's cock is a legend. Triumph said they all saw that cock because Howard mentioned it. Howard said he has a big cock and he was obsessed with it. Triumph said Howard is changing and he's mellowing. He said he's softened like Bernie Sanders stool.
Howard asked if he read the NY Times article about him. Triumph said he did and instead of having women with baloney on their asses he uses Prosciutto.
Triumph said Hillary has a problem connecting to people. He said it's like someone just told her to act naturally. Howard wondered if she's come on the show. Triumph said he should get Goldman Sachs to sponsor the show. Howard said if she wins Bill Clinton would be the first husband. Triumph said they call it the first gentleman. He said the first thing he'll do is fuck Michelle Obama's eggplants in the garden.
Howard said his special is spectacular. Howard said this is a new side of the dog. Triumph said he had to broaden like Howard. Howard said he used to attack Eminem and now he's political. Triumph said he'll do both. He said he can do it all.
Howard asked what's up next for Triumph. Triumph said they have another special coming up next week with some bonus poop. Howard said he's handled his career very well. He said he was on Conan and he turned that into his own carer. Howard asked how many years he's been in show business. Triumph said he was thrown off the Sullivan show for shitting on Topo Gigio. He said it took off when Conan found him in the 90s. Howard asked about some of the other puppets and if he thinks he's the best dog puppet. Triumph said no doubt about that. Howard said he wishes him luck with everything. Howard asked if they'll ever see him in a movie. Triumph said why not. He said he could play a friend in a movie. They've had every other person play a friend. He said he could have played half of Joe Pesci's parts. Howard said he liked Lamb Chop. Triumph said he fucked her. He said her passing has left a gaping hole.
Howard said he's learning so much about Triumph. Triumph said he could go on. Howard said he's his biggest fan. Triumph said he's Howard's biggest fan. Howard said he loves his special and what he named it. He said it rolls right off the tongue. Howard said it's on Hulu. Robin said it's no ''Hit 'em with the Hein.''
Howard said they like Triumph there at Hulu. Triumph said they have a catch phrase of ''Come TV with us.'' He said maybe he should call his show that. Howard asked if he ever poops on the beach. Triumph said he likes to go out and look at all of the rich Jew's gardens by the beach. He asked where his Hamptons house is. Howard said he's out there and it's beautiful out there.
Howard said he knows he could have been on any other show. Triumph said he was booked on Larry Wilmore's show but the show was canceled. Howard said he thinks he's telling the truth about that. Triumph said he is. Howard asked who thought he'd be on all of these shows when he was a puppy. Howard asked if he's not covering the Olympics because of the Zika virus. Triumph said that's it.
Triumph sang a song about humping Robin's shin. Howard said he knows he could have done any show but he did this one. Triumph said this is the only show he wanted to do. Howard said he's not censored here. Howard said he'd hate to see him on a watered down show. Triumph said he could play beer pong with Jimmy Fallon. He said he played Password or something on his show actually. He said he tried to poop on Colin Firth's desk. He said he literally yelled out.
Howard said they sell robot vacuums called Roomba and a dog pooped in the house and it sprayed the poop all over the guy's house. Howard said if you have a dog and use a Roomba you can't let poop get into it. Triumph said people don't know what they're missing. He said they should eat it. He said they don't know what they're missing.
Howard thanked Triumph again for coming in. Triumph said he can't think of a metaphor good enough to describe what it's like. Howard gave him another plug for the Hulu special and said he thinks he has Hulu but he's not sure. Triumph said just steal a friend's password. Howard said the people at Hulu are loving this appearance. Triumph threw out a few more Hulu mentions and spit out his cigar. Howard let him go and went to break after that. As they were going to break they played a couple of Tracy Morgan bits.
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Howard said Wolfie went to the gathering of the Juggalos. He got him on the phone and thought he said ''Hey Ben'' but Wolfie said he said ''hey man.'' Howard said he has a bunch of tapes to play. Robin asked Howard to explain what the gathering of the Juggalos is. Howard said they're fans of Insane Clown Posse and once a year they throw a huge party with 4 stages and have all kinds of things going on. They have music and it's just insanity. Howard said there's all kinds of drugs being used there. He said people advertise drug prices on signs. Wolfie said he saw a guy with a backpack full of black tar heroin. He said he saw just two cops the whole time he was there.
Howard said it proves that all drugs should be legal. Howard said you don't need cops. He said once you get rid of that illegality then you don't need cops. Howard said Wolfie said a lot of the Juggalos look like Jason and JD in clown makeup. Howard said a lot of the guys don't wear shirts. Wolfie said however you appear that's how they are.
Howard said the women there are known as Juggaletts and they were saying that they have sex with multiple partners there. Wolfie said he thinks Howard would kill himself if he was there. He said it's pretty awful. He said it's just filthy.
Howard asked if he ever thought that there were cops under cover in clown uniforms. Wolfie said possibly. He doesn't know.
Howard said in the first clip they have a seminar where one of the Insane Clown Posse guys talks about how they're classified as a gang so they're going to do a march in Washington DC. Howard said this is Violent J talking to the crowd there. Howard played that clip and Violent J talked about the march and got the crowed riled up.
Howard said he doesn't think any o these things will happen. Howard said Wolfie has to go if it does. Howard said there's a lot of ''whoop, whoop'' being yelled out there. Howard played more of them chanting ''Insane Clown Posse!'' over and over.
Howard said Shaggy 2 Dope announces a new album at the seminar. He said the speech has about 50 fucks in it. Howard played that clip and said they should get to the gathering now. Howard said this is Wolfie talking to the Juggalos and Juggaletts.
Howard played a clip of Wolfie talking to a guy who was wasted on some kind of drugs. He was rambling and not making much sense. Wolfie said he was like a Walking Dead guy just wandering through a field.
Howard played another clip of a Juggalos talking about the drugs he's done and how fucked up he's gotten. He gave him a ''Whoop, whoop!'' Howard said when he hears that he wonders why he has to spice up the black tar heroin with meth. Robin said it's like a speed ball because it's an upper and a downer. Howard said that would just make you normal. Wolfie said they don't have to worry about being normal.
Howard said the next guy has a criminal record. Howard played a clip of that guy talking about all of the things he's been charged with. He had an ''Unlawful wounding'' charge. Howard wondered what that is. Robin said maybe it's self inflicted.
Howard played another clip of a guy who took a big whiff of Nitrous Oxide. He took a hit as Wolfie was talking to him. Howard asked what that is. Wolfie said it freezes your brain and it can knock you out.
Howard said this guy says he saw a guy get his nipple cut off. Howard played that clip and he talked about seeing that happen. Howard said these are some tough dudes. Howard said that guy saw a girl shove a cucumber up her ass. Howard played that next. The guy said he saw the girl do that and then she kind of shit it back out and then a guy in the crowd took a bite out of it.
Howard said this guy saw a Juggaletts get fisted with glow sticks. That guy said he saw her get about 6-12 sticks shoved in there. He said it looked like it wasn't hurting and she consented to it.
Howard said this guy says he whipped his dick out and some girl started sucking it. The guy said he was super fucked up and he put his cock out and she started sucking it in front of everyone but she had a decent amount of facial hair. Wolfie asked about using condoms and the guy said fuck that, it's 2016.
Howard said he heard the boys might be coming on before the march on Washington. Robin said that's next year sometimes. Howard said they'll do what they can to get them on the show. Howard said they're busy doing shows the rest of the year.
Howard said this next girl is named Psychosis and she was good looking from what he saw. Howard said she was carrying a plastic baby on a stick. Howard played the clip of Wolfie talking to her about the baby and what it means. She said it has a dick and it's a baby on a staff. She was asking people to lick the baby dick.
Howard said she also explains that she's not into dating guys who wear clown makeup but she is into fucking them. Howard said that's what he's talking about. He said she was good looking. Howard played a clip of Psychosis talking about fucking guys in clown paint and how she'll most likely have sex there at some point.
Howard played another clip of Psychosis talking about seeing a chick stick a 2 liter bottle up her vagina. She also saw a woman shoving Cheetos up her vagina. Robin asked what they're doing. She asked why they have to do all of this. She said guys will pay attention to them no matter what.
Howard said they're winding down here. He said he has a few ''Whoop, whoops'' to play. Wolfie recorded a bunch of different ones. Howard played the clip and that went on for a minute. He had one guy that went on for about 30 seconds.
Howard asked if he had fun there. Wolfie said he did. He said they don't have anyone helping with parking. He said they just park wherever. Wolfie said they all seem to get along and like she same music so it's not a bad thing. Howard said if you let people just do their thing without arresting them it works. He said you let them stick things up their vagina and all of that and it works out. Howard said if you had a gathering of the Juggalos in Iraq or something they'd have a good time. Howard said they are so repressed there.
Howard said he's digging this chick Psychosis. Howard said she has a rock solid body. Howard said Robin can't see it but she's ripped. Howard said she has no body fat on her. Wolfie said they're all having a good time and they have no idea what's going on in the outside world. He said they don't know who is running for president or anything.
Wolfie said that if you have any suggestions for events to attend just contact him on Twitter @ThisIsWolfie
Howard said that it seems like they have a lot of entertainment there at the event. Wolfie said they sell stuff there and even if you forgot stuff you can buy it there. Howard said you can gather anyone together at these things. Howard asked what percentage of the girls are hot there. Wolfie said about 5 percent. Howard said that's good enough odds for him. Robin asked if anyone comes in a nice vehicle. Wolfie said he didn't see anything like you see at NASCAR events showing up. He said you can't believe that this stuff is going on in America. Howard let Wolfie go after that.
Howard said he doesn't like going anywhere. He said Jimmy had them all riled up and ready to go to Italy. He said he agreed to go but he knows it'll never happen. Howard said he's not going to Italy. He said Jimmy suggested going to Africa too. Howard said he did that kind of stuff when he was younger and he's not going to do it again. He said he almost burned down a tent once. He said he was about 14 and he slept in a tent with like 5 other guys. Howard said he came in one night and realized he could light farts and get a laugh. Howard said he did it but didn't realize he had strings from his underwear hanging. They caught fire so he had to smash his own balls to put it out. He said the tent almost caught fire because his farts are so intense.
Howard said he told Jimmy he's not going to Africa. He said his kids are into doing things like that. He said he would never go to France. He said he went once for the Cannes film festival but it looks like everywhere else. He said it was just a stupid movie event. Howard said no one speaks English there. He said he was just so annoyed. Howard said his agent did all of the French speaking for him. Howard said he just put on a French accent.
Howard said he'll go see Lion King if he wants to see Africa. Chad asked if he feels people look down on him. Howard said yes. He said that everyone goes out and gets boats and things. He said there are people talking about going to Italy and he doesn't care. He said maybe he should go. Robin said he could have a life where he does whatever he wants. Howard said he doesn't wonder though. Robin said he does. Howard said he doesn't feel he's missing anything. Robin said he has things in his home from all over the world. Howard said he hasn't even gone to the museums there in the city. He said he doesn't feel like he's missing anything.
Chad asked Howard about the Larry Wilmore show being canceled. Howard said he just found out about it. Robin said he took over for Stephen Colbert. Howard thought it was Jon Stewart but Robin corrected him. Howard said it seems weird that they think they could replace Colbert. Robin said it was the Larry Wilmore show so it wasn't really replacing Colbert. Howard said he heard that Larry is moving in with Yucko the Clown. Robin said he has a TV show he created.
Chad said that the Daily Show isn't doing so well either. Howard said he thinks Jon Stewart likes that it's crumbling. Howard said they make it sound like Jon wants it to succeed but he knows what it's like to see stations crumble when he leaves. Howard said he loved seeing that happen when he left. Howard said he liked seeing WNBC crumble when they left. Howard said he wants to see that happen. He wants to see people do poorly. He said only he should do well. Howard said it's so messed up and wrong but that's how he feels inside. Howard said if he were Jon Stewart he'd be happy that these guys don't do well.
Howard read about how the viewership has declined 37 percent since Jon left. Howard said he thinks it's bullshit when you say you want someone else to do well. Howard said he'd feel awful if they did well after he left. Robin asked if he loves them enough for them to eat. Howard said he loves Benjy so much he wants him to do poorly. He said he wants Gary living in a tent. Howard said he's kidding but he has to admit there is a pleasure he has about terrestrial radio doing so poorly. Robin said she took pleasure when WNBC fell apart but they were horrible to them.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he went to check out the Counting Crows the other night and they did 4 hits and that was it. He said they changed the words so much that you can't even sing along. He said it felt kind of fucked up. He said they made a statement about how they don't play all of their hits so fuck you if you don't like it. He said that was kind of shitty.
Howard said he saw Adam a few weeks ago and he said he was going on tour. Howard said they're kind of like the Dead when they do their songs and they do it differently every time. Howard said if he runs into Adam again he'll tell him this guy is complaining. Howard said they should do songs you can recognize. Robin said she likes it when they change it up. Robin said that makes it live. Howard went to break after that.
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Howard came back and said he has Tracy Morgan there. Howard said Tracy is an old friend of the show. Howard said he had a horrible accident but he's back. Howard asked him to let him look at him. Robin said it's the same old Tracy. Howard said he looks like he's ready to bang Robin. Howard said he looks thin. Tracy said he got Howard's letter. Howard said he didn't know what to do. Howard said he was so upset about the accident. Howard said he talked to Jimmy Kimmel about it. Howard asked if there were people who didn't reach out. Tracy said his baby mothers. He said he had sex with them and didn't take his socks off and they didn't reach out. Howard said he was so bad to them they didn't reach out. Tracy said he came in their eye. He said he feels like he tapped into something. He said there's a lot of love and good will out there for him.
Tracy said he wasn't talking to anyone. He said he could barely talk. He said he was in a wheelchair for 6 months. He said he and his wife went to the mall once and people started coming around him like they saw a ghost. He said he was there. Howard said the thing that freaked him out was when he came out of his coma of 8 days he couldn't see when he opened his eyes. He couldn't see for 5 days. Tracy said they didn't know what it was. He said he's still healing now. He said he just knows what his wife said. He said she told him about where the accident happened. He said the nurse sat with him all day every day. He said the nurse was there and his wife went home to get clothes and the nurse called his wife to come to him. He said he was blind and he couldn't even see. He said he doesn't remember none of that.
Howard said from what he read Tracy doesn't remember any of the details. Tracy said he was gone. He said he didn't find out about Jimmy dying until 2 weeks later. He said he just feels fortunate. He said he was told he was blessed. Howard said he had less than a 2 percent chance of living. Tracy said that's right.
Howard asked if he was in pain at all. Tracy said he doesn't even want to talk about it. Howard asked if he felt any pain. Tracy said his wife said that a couple of times he tried to get out of bed. He said his femur was pulverized. He said he has a titanium rod in his leg for life. He said it was bad. He said the trauma to his head was bad and he broke every bone in his face. He said his wife was really scared. He said he didn't feel anything. He said he doesn't remember none of it. He said you don't want to remember it.
Howard asked when her jerked off for the first time. Tracy said he was doing that in the hospital. He said he was beating his dick like it owed him money. He said it was dialing 911 over spousal abuse. Tracy said that's true. Howard said he imagines when you're in that bad a shape you don't want to do that. Tracy said you do it through all the pain. He said it don't matter. Howard asked if he was afraid of people walking in. Tracy said that makes it even better. He said that's his fantasy. Tracy was talking about the old lady titties with the big nipples. Howard said he heard that his therapist looked like Raquel Welch. Tracy said she did.
Howard said he was so fucking worried about him. He said he heard how serious it was and they said this was the real deal. Tracy said he was gone. Howard said he didn't hear from anyone for a long time. Howard said he reached out to Tracy and he's so happy he's still with them. Howard said he's been such a great guest on the show. Howard said thank god he's hear. Howard said he's such a funny guy and an upbeat guy. Howard said he sat next to him at a Knick game and he was so fun to hang out with. Howard said that's just the kind of guy he is.
Tracy said he was beyond show business when he was going through that. He said his daughter was just 10 months old when it happened. He said she's 3 now. Tracy said that he'd be in the bathroom and blood would just start running down his face. He said he was depressed and all of that too. He said he worked with speech therapists and all of that. He said he did a show in New Brunswick a few months ago. He said they had 200 people and they gave him a standing ovation. He said he had them give the people who saved him a standing ovation. He said there was a guy who pulled him out of the van that night and that guy was covered in his blood that night. He said he had him sit next to him. Howard said they can fuck you up even more if they take you out wrong. Tracy said Artie Fuqua was in the van and Jeff his assistant was with him and he was in a coma too.
Howard said Tracy felt guilty but he didn't need to. Howard said he told his friends to come with him on the tour bus. Tracy said he told his wife not to go the night before. He said she was with him the whole tour except that night. He said he was getting so depressed over that. He said he didn't want them going anywhere. He said he wanted them with him. He said you have to let them live. He said he can't keep them home. He said that things are getting better.
Howard said he was lucky or fortunate that his wife stayed home that night. Tracy said it was. Howard said he has guilt over that because he had comedians with him that night and he asked them to go with him. Tracy said Jimmy was his OG. He said he was a great guy and he was one of his writers on tour. He said he wrote a joke that night and it worked. He said it was a joke about Donald Sterling and it worked. Howard asked if he was in a big van or what. Tracy said they were in a Sprinter van. He said if it was any smaller then they all would have been dead. Tracy said the driver of the truck was up 24 hours straight. Tracy said he doesn't like all of the distractions they have in vehicles now. He said you have to rest.
Howard asked if he'll ever forgive that guy. Tracy said he asks for strength to do that every day. He said it was all about getting justice for everyone in the van.
Howard said he knows he can't talk about the money he got but he knows it was a lot. Howard said the money can never make up for the shit he went through. Tracy said it won't. Tracy said it scares him thinking about his daughter growing up without him. He said money can't fix that. Tracy said he thinks about Jimmy and the fun they had on the phone that night. He said that he knows he's up there with his dad and grandmother now. He said his reward will be when he sees them all again. He said he has to treat people well there. He said that's what's important to him.
Howard asked Tracy if he was in a coma when he saw his dad. Tracy said maybe he was dreaming. He said his dad had all green on. He said his dad said he's not ready for him. Tracy said he was just crying.
Howard asked Tracy about waking up after the coma and he can't walk or move or see. Tracy said he remembers laying there looking out the window at night. He said one night it was raining and he was just looking out the window. He said he looked at this show a lot. He said they had a lot of fun. He said he'd look at the show over and over and over.
Howard asked if he was afraid he wouldn't get back to the old Tracy. Tracy said he did think that. Howard said he must still be in therapy for that. Tracy said he is. He said there is physical therapy and it turned him into an emotional wreck too. He said see what it does to you when you get hit by a truck that weighs 85,000 pounds. He said when he was able to speak he told his wife there is freedom outside the doors. He said the first person there was his business manager. He said he was like a friend to him. He said he took care of them. He said he loves that guy so much. He said he doesn't know. He said his publicist is a friend too. He said you learn who your friends are after that.
Tracy said he's sorry that Howard and Robin went through that. He said he's sorry. Robin said they understood. Howard said he was afraid he was pissed off at him. He said he wrote to him and was afraid about him not writing back. Tracy said he didn't want him to talk about the seat belt thing. He said what saved them was that the guy woke up at the last second and tried to turn left. He said that they weren't wearing seat belts and that saved them. He said it's very hard for him to talk about this stuff. He said he's used to being funny. He said he knows it's a different show right now.
Howard asked about his mom and if she came to see him. Tracy said she came to see him that night. He said that she told the media that his wife kept her from seeing him. He said he doesn't know why she did that because it's not true. He said he was on his death bed. He said his wife had a 10 month old baby and they were about to get married. Howard said he thought this would bring them closer. Howard said she spoke to TMZ and that set them apart even more. Tracy said that people have taken cell phone pictures and things. He said his mom didn't but other people have.
Howard said that relationship may never be on track again. Tracy said things are find with his family. He said his whole family came to see him when he was in a coma. He said his grand mom didn't come to see him. He said she told him to go back and get his GED instead.
Howard said the thing that inspired Tracy to get out of bed was watching his 14 month old daughter learning to walk. Tracy said he was in a wheelchair. He said he had people who cleaned up after him while he was in the hospital. He said he really cares about those guys. Howard said he doesn't want anyone doing anything like that for him. Howard said he buried his underwear in his back yard when he shit his pants as a young man.
Howard said masturbation must be tough in the hospital. Tracy said the first time he did it was like he was back in high school. He said his dick got hard. Howard said they didn't know if he had brain damage after that accident. Howard said he doesn't see any indication of that. Tracy said he notices timing differences and balance. He said he works hard though. Robin said you can reroute all of that in the brain.
Howard said Tracy had such drive to get back to work. Tracy said the first responder said to him that he was covered in blood and he was gone. He said the guy said her started swinging at him and he must have been fighting for his life. Tracy said he's had all kinds of other things happen and he's just fighting for his life.
Howard asked if he's being more careful with the diabetes thing. Tracy said he has a pump on him. He said he has his blood sugar on his phone. He said he's trying to live. He said that's what that means. Howard asked if he's going to church. Tracy said he's not doing that. He said they won't take him.
Tracy said that he had his dick head pop out one day in his pants. He said that it's down to his knee caps. Howard said he has to see that. Howard asked Tracy about his dick falling out of his shorts in therapy. Tracy said it got bigger.
Howard said some people are still shit faces. Tracy said that he asks them if they would have taken that hit for him. Howard said when he was driving his Lamborghini and some guy pulled up next to him and gave him shit, what did he do. Tracy said the guy said it was bullshit that he was on with Matt Lauer crying and now he's in that car. Tracy said he pulled over and asked the guy if he would have taken that hit for him. He said the guy shook his head. He said he would knock that guy out if he saw him again. He said he's trying to take his life back and this guy is complaining about his fucking car. He said he almost died. He said that was the lack of humanity from that guy. Tracy said most people are happy that he's not dead. He said that guy was upset about his car.
Howard said people get jealous because he's getting attention. He said they want to put him down for living. Tracy said he gets it. He said he ain't looking for that. He said he didn't get into it for that. He said he's achieved his legacy. Howard asked if he's more reclusive now. Tracy said he is. He said that he listens to his Johnny Mathis and all of that. Howard said Johnny is very soothing. Howard said he has a very soothing voice. Tracy said he relaxes his mind so that won't get going.
Howard asked Tracy if he is watching everything he eats now and if he's giving up vices. Tracy said he still needs his porno. Howard said he looks way healthier now. Tracy said he was at 260 when he got out of the hospital and now he's 190. He said he just changed his lifestyle. He said he cut down on the carbs. He said he's on the Alec Baldwin diet. He said Alec told him that years ago and he wasn't listening.
Howard asked who reached out to him first. Tracy said Eddie Murphy reached out and made him laugh. He said they both have the same manager. He said he was medicated after about 2 weeks. He said Eddie wanted to talk to him so he spoke to him on the phone and he made him laugh. He said he got to tell him he loved him. Howard said that's a difficult phone call to make. Howard said you don't know if you can joke or not.
Tracy said what really affected him was when he was in his wheelchair and his daughter would get in his lap and start crying. He said she was afraid of the wheelchair. He said he got to see her walk at 14 months. He said he got out of the chair to walk himself when he saw that. Tracy said he wanted to walk his wife down the aisle without a cane.
Howard asked Tracy about how he has to sit down on stage sometimes because it's painful still. Tracy said it is. He said as long as the sense of humor isn't hurting it's good.
Howard said he's hearing how his dick got bigger and he's able to walk. He said he's like the bionic man. Howard said he's getting ready to be run over if he can get 2 more inches on his dick. Tracy said he can knock things over from 20 feet away now.
Howard asked if the doctors told him not to fuck his wife. Tracy said they didn't have to. He said he was healing. Howard asked how many weeks he waited. Tracy said he can't remember. He said he really had to just get rid of the fear and anxiety. Howard said some people are afraid that everything will kill them so they won't do anything. Tracy said he still freaks out when he's on the highway. He said he will freak out.
Howard asked about getting a bigger house. Tracy said they did. He said they gutted the house. He said he bought it last June. He said he still had the other crib. Howard said the new place is crazy. Tracy said he has a bowling alley now. He said he has Howard Stern paper now. Tracy said he invested in some other places too.
Howard asked if he's able to go on a tour bus or would that freak him out. Tracy asked what that even is. Howard said it might give him flash backs. Tracy said that's on a different level. Howard asked if he can go to Walmart. Tracy said you can't beat their prices. He said he was still going there when he was in the wheelchair.
Howard asked Tracy if he was self conscious when he went out in public. Tracy said his dick is so big it has hair on it. Howard asked again if he was self conscious. Tracy said they didn't leave the house for months. He said they stayed indoors for 5 months. He said he said fuck that. He said cameras were constantly on him. He said he has to live. He said after 10 months he started to take his life back. He said he has to live. Tracy said he has to live normally.
Howard asked what the motivation is to go out and perform. Tracy said it was a lot of things. He said he saw other stand ups. He said it's his family and wife. He said it was mostly his wife. He said he gained weight and he was still depressed. He said he was laying on the couch one day with a gut. He said his wife told him to get up and go to the comedy club, you big gut mother fucker. He said she got him to go out. He said he was talking to Lorne Michaels one day and he got really emotional with him. He said Lorne told him the door is always open. He said a week later he went on Saturday Night Live. He said it was the first time he did comedy. He said Tina Fey was in the front row and she started crying. He said the comedy was still there. Tracy said the first time he touched a microphone was when he went to a pitch meeting at Saturday Night Live.
Howard asked if he got an Emmy nomination or that appearance. Tracy said he did. He said the whole cast were pitching for him and they inspired him so much. He said he left that meeting and went to the Cellar. He said he did 5 minutes there. He said that's how inspired he was. He said he will always be so indebted to that cast for that. He said they did a dress rehearsal show and he felt like the audience felt sorry for him. He said he told Lorne that between that show and the live show. He said Lorne said they don't care about the funny and they're just happy he's there. Howard said it's like seeing someone who died and came back. Tracy said no one wants to see someone die like that. He said they just want you to be there.
Howard asked Tracy if he thinks that he can't really bomb anymore. Tracy said he thinks about giving the love back. Howard asked how it felt to be there. Tracy said they kept a secret for 2 months when he went back. He said everyone was looking at him like they saw a ghost. Tracy said he saw Tina there and she lost it when she saw him. He said she grabbed him and started crying. He said he went out and the audience saw him and they didn't know he was going to be there.
Howard said Tracy is going to be playing Carnegie Hall now. Tracy said he's just happy that he can be there talking to Howard and Robin. Howard said he's so glad he's there. He said it's been two years. Tracy said that Jimmy Mac is there on the couch with him.
Howard asked if there is any blessing in it. Tracy said his daughter, wife and sons he loves. He said he's glad he's there for them.
Howard asked about the fucking and how that was the first time after the accident. Tracy said his leg was still healing. He said that took about a year. He said he did a lot of eating. Howard asked if she initiated or did he. Tracy said it was him. He said he was a dirty mother fucker. He said he's an animal. He said when he wants some pussy he wants some pussy. Howard asked if he had to check his dick to make sure it works. Tracy said he had to have that working. He said if the doctor told him his dick was severed he would have gone back into his coma. He said he would have become a serial killer if he had lost his dick.
Howard asked who he's heard from other than Eddie, Tina and Lorne. Tracy said he's had a lot of people. He said people are coming out to see him at the clubs. He said he did a show in a tent in Massachusetts and it was like 2200 people. Howard said he's on a tour now called Picking up the Pieces. Howard said that's an appropriate name for that tour.
Howard asked if he has a new act and threw out the old stuff. Tracy said it's all about the energy. He said Tracy Morgan is still there. Howard asked if he goes up and creates a new act from nothing. Tracy said he gives his audience credit. He said he had a lot going on. He tells stories about what went on. He said if you don't laugh you'll cry.
Howard asked if his act is stronger now. Tracy said he knows it is. He said he tapped into something. Howard asked if he believes in the after life. Tracy said he doesn't know about that. He said he's just sitting there talking to Howard and Robin. He said he's not talking about seeing Tupac or Biggie. He said he saw people die who owed him money.
Howard asked if people are hitting him up for money. Tracy said white women are looking at him now. He said he's so rich now he has to support Trump. He said he won't be voting. He said he voted once and it was for David Dinkins and look at how that turned out.
Howard asked if President Obama reached out to him. Tracy said he heard he went on TV and told him to get better. Howard said he heard about his bulbous penis head. Howard said that's what he should have called his tour. Tracy said the women love that. He said they love big balls too.
Howard said he heard that he performed at Robert Kraft's birthday. Tracy said he loves that guy. He said he loves his sons and all. He said he got some big laughs but he thinks he bombed otherwise. Howard said he heard he goofed on Tom Brady. He said he joked about him being a Trump supporter and how he better hope his left tackle isn't Mexican.
Howard said Tracy is working really hard. Howard said he's recording a special for Netflix. Howard said he has to come up with a new act after that. Howard asked when he's shooting that. Tracy said it's in October. He said they're still putting that together.
Howard asked what movies he's working on. Tracy said he just did one called Fist Fight. He said he did one with Ed Helms too. He said that's called The Coppers. He said he's doing another one in February. He wasn't sure who he was doing that for. He said it has a huge budget. He said he's doing another one called Shitheads. He said that will be funny.
Howard asked if he's the hottest guy in show business now. Tracy said he's the Desmond Tutu of show business. He said he's a magical nigga. Tracy said he's going to go home and eat some butthole tonight. He said Howard's wife would love that shit. Howard asked if his wife ever says that's enough of sticking his tongue in her asshole. Tracy said she never does. Howard said they say you can get diseases from that. Tracy asked who ''they'' are.
Howard asked if Tracy shoots a big load. Tracy said he has to get a mop bucket. Howard asked if he's worried about film and comedy and if he is afraid that it'll go to his head and fuck up his marriage. Tracy said he's not even in the game. He said he has two women in his pocket. His wife and his daughter. Tracy said he's 48 and married and that's it. He said he's not thinking about anything else. Tracy said he's always been focused. He said Howard has seen his wife. He said he was at his birthday show. He said he was there with Joan Rivers. He said Joan sent him some stuff when he was in there. Howard said he might be well enough to know that Joan has died. Tracy said he knows.
Howard said he thinks seeing him now is more important than ever. Howard asked if he wears a seat belt in his car. Tracy said that he always did. He said no one in the truck knows if they were wearing them that night. He said only god knows. Tracy said he looks at his life and thinks about how fortunate he is. Howard said it's a miracle that he's back. Howard said he'll never forget this experience. Tracy said they say his car accident and Princess Diana's are the biggest ever. Howard asked if he still has nightmares. Tracy said he does. He said he looks forward to so much now.
Howard asked if he goes to a psychiatrist. Tracy said he does. He said they stay on top of all of this. Howard asked if he feels there is anyone who didn't reach out that should have. Tracy said he doesn't think like that. He said most people he comes across are just happy to see him. Howard said he's happy to see him. Tracy said he'll take a picture with anyone. He said it costs him nothing.
Howard asked if he's still feuding. Tracy said he still has a lot of people who owe him money. Howard said he's going to suggest that people go out to see him on tour. Tracy said he's just happy that he's nominated for an Emmy. Howard asked if he has a speech if he wins. Tracy said he's going to say it's for Jimmy Mac. Howard said he was a good dude. Tracy said he was the first person he ever met in show business. He said he was running a workshop. He said he took him in and encouraged him. Howard asked how old he was at the time. Tracy said he was 21. Howard said Jimmy knew he could make it. Tracy said he did. He said he's inspired people just like Jimmy did. He said Jimmy was just happy that he was funny.
Howard asked why his dad was wearing green in his dream. Tracy said he doesn't know. Howard asked if he got his big cock from his dad. Tracy said he must have. Howard said he didn't get his dad's big cock. Howard said his looks like a fucking worm. He said he's tiny. Tracy said he's sure Howard's is big. Tracy said he has to say this though. He forgot what he was going to say. He blamed that on the accident.
Howard said he's so happy to see Tracy again. He said he wasn't sure when he was going to see him again. Tracy said he had to watch the TV shows they did. He said he knew today was going to be different. Howard said Tracy is out there now and he thinks he'll win the Emmy.
Howard said Chris Rock is single now. Tracy said that's his man. He said he's wearing sneakers now so he can get the young girls. Howard asked if he came to visit. Tracy said he came to his house and brought a movie. He said he came with Robert Smigel. He said he loves Robert. He said he's his friend. Howard asked if he told Rock not to get too crazy with the women. Tracy said he's a smart man. He said he knows better.
Howard asked Tracy if he would become a speaker and help people. Tracy said he's there to make people laugh. He said he won't get serious. Howard said Tracy is back and he has comedy and a big cock. Howard said if anyone can put 2 inches on his cock he'll pay them.
Howard gave Tracy some more plugs for his tour and the Carnegie Hall special. Tracy said they tell him he's getting $95 million over 5 years. He asked if that's a lot. Howard said when he read that he was amazed. Tracy said no one knows what he got. He said that his wife was in on it so she knows. Tracy said his business manager knows too.
Howard asked what he's doing with the money. Tracy said he's just chilling. He said he doesn't talk about that. Howard asked him to blink twice if it's over $100 million. Tracy laughed.
Howard asked Tracy if he's going to blow the money on other things. Tracy said things are good. Howard asked if he has a baseball field in his back yard. Tracy said he moved the pool from one side to the other. He said he just wanted to move it. He said you can do that. Howard asked if he's saying the pool is in the ground. Tracy said they have one upstairs too.
Howard said he heard that he's so rich he's going to move the pool back. Tracy said you can do what you want to do. He said his neighbor's house is $38 million. Tracy said that his neighbor builds oil rigs. He said he owns the company. He said now that guy has a guy from the projects living next to him. He said he's just chillin in the house now. Howard asked if there are other black people in the neighborhood. Tracy said ''What!?'' he said he told his friends he doesn't want to see them there. He said they have no business being there.
Howard said imagine the pussy running through his house if he was single. Tracy said 17 year old Tracy would do that but not 47 year old Tracy. Howard asked if he gets dressed up for dinner now. Tracy said not at all. He said he's still eating Chinese food from the hood. He said he counts his carbs now. He said he works out and he's doing it right this time.
Howard asked Tracy if he worries about other men hitting on his wife. Tracy said he doesn't have to worry about that. He said his wife tells them not to do it.
Howard asked Tracy if the truck driver has ever tried to apologize to him. Tracy said he doesn't know anything about that. He said that's all behind him now. He said it's up to the state.
Howard asked if Tracy is wearing Balmain jeans. Tracy didn't even know what they were. Howard said that a lot of people must try to milk him for money. Tracy said he has his game face on. Howard asked if they tried to jack him up for more when he had the work done on his house. Tracy said he doesn't know about that.
Howard said he hopes he has a security person to watch all of that jewelry he has on. He said he hopes he wins the Emmy. He said he's so happy he's back on the show. He said he's there and he's alive. Howard said he talked about a lot and he knows it's hard. Howard said he appreciates him doing that.
Howard gave Tracy a plug for his web site TracyMorgan.com. They went to break after that.
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Howard took a call from a woman who said she just wants to say that was a sweet interview. She said she was crying uncontrollably. She said he sounds so great and Howard is so genuine with him. Howard said he's a great guy. Howard thanked her for the call. Howard said he hates to hang up on a caller like that. He said she showed some emotion.
Howard said it's time for some news. Howard played a song parody for Robin. He said he got a song from a woman the other day. Howard said people ask all the time if women write songs and they did get one. Howard played the song that the woman sent in about Robin. Howard said that was from Vanna.
Howard asked Robin what's in the news. Robin read a story about an Olympic runner who hurled herself over the finish line. Robin said she wasn't upright though. Howard said he tuned in last night and he didn't care about the 400 meter. He said they were calling it the hardest event. Howard said it's all hard. Howard said there are too many commercials too. Robin said she's not sure you can dive over the line. Benjy said the headline says she lost because of that dive.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Tracy Morgan is the greatest guest after that interview. He gave Howard a top 5 list of comedians. Howard said that's a pretty great list. Howard thanked him for the call.
Howard took a call from Tommy in Malden who said that Howard lost his genius when he thought that phony call yesterday was funny. Howard said he did get some email saying it was very funny. Howard said some people agree with Tommy though. Howard said to him it was funny. Tommy said that he agrees with Jimmy and Robin about it not being so funny. Tommy tried to ask another question but Howard cut him off saying he's got too many questions.
Howard asked Robin what else she has. Robin said there was a scare at JFK airport the other day. Robin said they investigated it and they think it wasn't gunshots but people banging on things celebrating Ussain Bolt's win. Howard said don't celebrate at the airport. Just sit still.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he liked the Tracy Morgan interview. He said he thinks that people see something in him. He said that it was a great interview.
Robin read a story about a woman who had a video go viral on Facebook after beating her daughter. Robin said it went viral. Robin said the woman wanted it posted. Robin said nothing has been done about the kid but it's been turned over to child services. Robin had some audio from the video for Howard to play. They spent a minute talking about that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he got cheating on his wife last year and they're trying to patch it up. He said he caught the wife cheating with the husband of the woman he cheated with. Howard said that happens. He said they're trying to get back at them. Howard said he may have seen a video like that on YouPorn. The caller said he's not sure if they should give up or not. He said he's not sure what to do. Howard said he's not sure a relationship can recover from that. Robin said she has seen them recover. She said it takes a real mature couple to get through it. Howard said he thinks at the end of the day she's always going to think that he's the fucker who cheated on her. Howard asked if he's upset that she cheated. The caller said he is but he knows that she had leverage. Howard said he wishes them luck but that's a tough thing to recover from. Howard asked how the other couple is doing. The caller said they have two kids. He said they went to see a comedy show and they saw the couple at the Borgata. He said they run into each other once in a while. Howard asked if he misses fucking that woman. The caller said no comment. He said it was different. He said he can't rule out that it wouldn't happen again.
The caller said they don't talk anymore but they have mutual friends who keep him up to date. Howard asked who is better in bed. The guy said his wife. Howard said he has to say that. Howard asked how many times he got to bang her. The caller said it lasted about a year. He said it wasn't that often though. Robin asked how he got caught. The caller said someone wrote a letter to his wife anonymously. He said they told her what was going on. The caller said that a friend of the woman picked up on what was going on and turned him into his wife. He said shit hit the fan at home when she found out. He said he was checking his wife's phone and he caught her doing the same thing.
Howard asked the guy if he's just beating off a lot now. the caller said he is. He said she's not at the point where she feels affection for him now. He said she keeps thinking about the other woman. He said he feels the same thing about her cheating. Howard said he it doesn't sound like it's going to work out very well. Howard asked if the marriage counselor is hot. The caller said she's not. Howard said it's hard. He said he's in his 30s and it's tough. Howard asked if he sleeps in the same bed. The caller said he does. He said sometimes he'll take the couch. He isn't kissing her or anything though. Howard said he should beat off next to her. He said he needs some action so give her a hint. Howard asked if she's hot. The caller said she is very attractive. Howard said she has to be for him to try to keep her. The caller said she was just in Nashville for a Bachelorette party. Howard said he must wish he didn't cheat. The caller said he's not sure what to do. He said he's not sure what to do.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said that this guy is a pussy. He said it's a no brainer and he has to leave this woman. He said she thinks he's a pussy right now. Howard said there you go. He said she'd ask him to come back if she wanted him. Howard asked if he took a smart pill. He said King has a point there. He said tell her you're leaving and see what she does. The caller said he's the one who put them in that situation. King said he wasn't the reason. He said if you don't want to do that then pretend you're going to leave. He said don't cry or turn red. He said just leave and say you can't take this shit and if she calls you back she loves you. If she doesn't then she hates you. Howard cut King off and said he has to go. King said if you cheat on your wife and she cheats on you then she's a slut. Howard said he lost him on that. He let King go. He said he made a point and then undid it. Howard wished the caller luck with that marriage. He let him go after that. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about why people have sex and there are a few reasons. Robin read about how they say you have to concentrate on the positive reasons. Robin said you complete a list of reasons for having positive sex. Robin went trough a list of things they suggest in this article.
Robin asked Gary if he can go through a day without listening to music. Gary said he could but he doesn't. Robin said they say that people who are into vinyl are obsessive and they have to listen. Howard said he doesn't get the whole vinyl thing. He said Gary runs to music every day but he's the chubbiest runner. Gary said he runs 4 miles a day. He said he's going to cut down on the calories soon. Robin said they also say that the vinyl lovers are introverted but that's not Gary.
Robin read a story about a woman who allegedly drowned her two kids over the weekend. Robin said she had a 5 year old daughter and a 7 year old son who were drowned in the family tub. Robin said she killed two of her 3 kids. Robin said she's not sure how that works out for the kid who lived. That led to Howard doing his mother's voice talking about why she was going to kill his sister but not him. He kept that going for a couple of minutes.
Robin read a story about how July was the hottest month on record, ever. Robin said that's according to NASA. Robin said it was 1.5 degrees hotter on average. Robin said climate experts say that 2016 is sure to surpass 2015 as the hottest year ever. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about how people are thinking about water parks with the hot weather. Robin said in Alabama they had to close a park due to parasites. Robin said they shut this place down because this parasite known as Crypto took over. Howard said there are so many kids in the pools and you know they're pissing in them. Robin said they say this parasite is from fecal matter. Howard was still doing his mother's voice and talking about that stuff. Howard said it's so disgusting that people don't wash their asses.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he should win an Emmy for that Tracy Morgan interview. Howard said he should win an Emmy even though he's not on TV. Howard said he wants a Tony award. The caller said he was balling his eyes out and then laughing his head off during that interview. Howard said in show business they have created a world where there is no award for him. Howard asked how Heidi Klum gets a Peabody and he gets nothing. He said Tracy was so grateful to be alive but he misses his friend Jimmy. Howard said he appreciates him sharing that with them.
Robin read a story that says there's a link between a pain killer and brain development in unborn children. Robin said it's one of the ingredients in Tylenol.
Robin read about how the Zika virus is spreading across the United States. Robin said it's been in Florida and now in Texas. Robin said Captain Dennis put up some mosquito traps at her house. Robin said the patient that lives in El Paso went to Florida and may have brought it back. Robin said there are at least 30 cases in Florida. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard took a call from Bobo who said that Tracy Morgan interview was really emotional. His phone was cutting out so Howard said he can't hear a word he's saying. Bobo tried making it better but it wasn't working so Howard hung up. Howard said he's had a string of shitty phone calls lately. Howard said the poor guy just wants to be on the air. He said he thinks he was saying he got emotional during the Tracy Morgan interview.
Robin read about Donald Trump's rally that he held yesterday. Robin had some audio clips for Howard to play. Howard had a clip of Fake Obama and Fake Hillary talking about starting a group that would end up being ISIS.
Robin read a story about Rudy Giuliani speaking at a rally and talking about how there were no successful radical Islamic attacks in the united states before Obama. Howard said that's other than 9/11. Robin said the NY Daily News ran a picture of the burning twin towers to remind Giuliani.
Robin had some audio of Joe Biden talking about why he's supporting Hillary Clinton. Robin said he was at a rally in Scranton, Pennsylvania.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk but he wasn't there. He said he must have hung up. Howard took a call from a guy, Balls, who said it was great to see Tracy in the studio again. He said he read an article in a men's magazine that says every 10 pounds you lose gives you a half inch of penis. Howard said that could be it. Howard said he has lost a lot of weight. Robin said Howard lost a lot of weight at one time too. Howard said for most people it may not work. The caller said he lost an inch of cock. He said he'd love to come in and participate in the Prostate Karaoke thing some day. Howard thanked him for that and let him go.
Robin read a story about the risks of diabetes and how exercise isn't a good substitute for people who sit around for 6-8 hours a day.
Robin read about how Justin Bieber deactivating his Instagram account. Robin said he's sick of some of the harsh comments people are posting about his girlfriend. Howard said just read the news feed and don't read the comments. Robin said he is going to make his account private now.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked about him retiring. Howard said he just signed a new contract. The caller said he heard wrong then. Howard let him go.
Robin read about Bill Cosby and how his lawyers apparently don't know what to do about his case. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 11:15am.
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Howard started the show playing a clip of Triumph the Insult Comic Dog announcing their guest for today. It was Jonah Hill. Howard said he stayed up to watch his new movie ''War Dog'' last night. Howard said it's really good. Howard said he doesn't like watching a movie the night before. He said he doesn't want to ruin anything for people. He said it's based on a true story and it's really good. Robin said he doesn't have to talk about the content.
Howard hacked something up and said he sounds like John McLaughlin before he died. Howard said he was like the paradigm for that kind of talk show. He didn't think he used that word correctly. Robin didn't think so either but Fred thought it was used in the right way. Howard talked about how John started that show and about some of the guests he had on early on. Howard said he was a good host. Howard said he kept the show moving along. Howard said the show was on a network and it was syndicated early on. Then it ended up on CBS. Robin said it was always a warm place to land.
Robin said he was also a priest. Howard said he was. Robin said that meant he wasn't supposed to marry or have sex. Howard said he married twice. Howard said those conservatives like to fuck. Howard said even if you're like a repressed gay man you're going to be fucking guys and beating off. He said the only guy who wasn't like that was Mayor Koch.
Howard said here was a great special about Star Trek that he started watching. Howard said it was interesting that Gene Roddenberry had a show called The Lieutenant. He said that lasted a year and then he came up with Star Trek. Howard said there were other space shows that were doing well and he decide to do one. Howard said Lucille Ball helped him negotiate all of the rerun rights. She had all of the rights for the reruns of that show. Howard said she was ahead of her time.
Howard said he doesn't have the I Love Lucy theme but he does have a I Love Booey theme. He played that song parody. Fred said that Lucy and Desi divorced in 1960 and Lucy bought out Desi for the Desilou studios. Howard thanked Fred for that unbelievable report.
Howard said John McLaughlin was 89 years old. Robin said they said he only missed one show and it was right before he died. Howard said it was really sad toward the end according to Gary. Gary said he was just slumped in his chair. Howard said they let him sit there all slumped over in his chair toward the end.
Howard said if you had any cellulite they wouldn't look good in any of that. Howard asked if they saw the female high jumper who hit the pole with her labia. Howard said it was actually a guy whose penis hit the pole as he was coming down. Robin said she's looking at it now. Howard said his penis wouldn't stop him.
Howard said the big story was about one girl who was running and falls and another girl trips and tries to help her up and it looks like something lesbian going on. Howard said they work out day and night. Howard said some of the girls probably have eating disorders. Robin said there's something called the Birkini. It's a birka and a bikini. Howard said if you walk around sweating in hot weather all covered up they think they get to go to heaven. Howard said that makes so much sense. He said those Birkini's are a boner killer.
Howard said the other women there are running around naked and the other women are all sweaty and have to stink. Howard said what a repressed life. Howard said that's why those guys are so angry and blowing shit up.
Howard said he was watching a video of the new World Trade Center. Howard said they were showing how beautiful the new place is. Howard said he was saying to himself that these mother fucker terrorists could never build anything like that. He said their cities look like shit. Howard said they have to feel so inferior. He said they must want to go to the next world to get out of this one. Howard said they pray to their imaginary friend. He said they should stop doing that and go build something. He said it's fucking disgusting what they do. He said they have to live like they do and they have money over there. Howard said they're worried about the Jews but their leaders won't share any of the money with them. Howard said the Jews build something nice so they should do something like that.
Howard said it used to drive him crazy that Yasser Arafat used to keep all of the money for himself. He said it's no wonder they're blowing themselves up.
Howard asked Gary what event it was that looked pornographic. Gary said it was the swimming. He said their bathing suits always ride up their ass. He said they have to pull it out all the time. He said then they go and take a shower after they get out of the water. He said that's pornographic too. Howard said it's hot chicks showering. Robin said the men don't wear much either so she's been enjoying that. Howard said that's not fun. He said she has it wrong.
Howard took a look at one of the hot chicks that Gary found. Howard said she's Russian but blonde. Howard said she is hot. Howard said even Robin is into her. Gary said he saw her doing the high jump. He said she may do the long jump too. Howard said she's wearing yoga pants. He said it's chicks who are willing to walk around almost naked. Robin said the women are the thing. Howard said there's nothing wrong with her. Howard wondered who is banging her. Howard said Tom Brady could probably be banging her.
Jason came in and Howard checked out the pole vaulter. Howard said she's hot too. Jason said that's Allison Stokke. He said she's amazing. Ronnie said Beach Volleyball is the best. He said they slap each other's asses and stuff. He said they're always pulling their bikini out of their crotch.
Howard said Gary is going to stop following Ronnie on Twitter. He said he keeps sending out pictures of big tit women. Ronnie said he's retweeting. Howard said Gary follows him and he's the one who looks like the perv. Ronnie asked who cares. He told Gary not to check his phone when he's with other people. Howard said people check their phones all the time. Howard said whenever he's around people he's seeing big titty women. Ronnie said he shouldn't be checking his phone. Gary said Ronnie used to tweet during the Wrap Up Show. Howard said he knows he checks his phone every 30 seconds. Ronnie said he doesn't. Howard said yes he does. Howard said he does. They went back and forth like that for a few seconds. Howard played a song about what a Super Creep Ronnie is. Howard said he's on his phone call day. Ronnie said he's not.
Jason said he's on his phone call day long. Ronnie said he is not. Howard said he's seen him. He said Gary is just tired of seeing the titty stuff all day.
Ronnie said he was watching last night when the girl fell during the race. Howard said it looked so hot. Robin said she was watching some girls hugging each other. Ronnie said there's a photo on the cover of the Post today of girls hugging and grabbing each other's ass.
Howard said this Olympic girl is like number 168 in the world and she's hot. Howard said they should have a Hot Olympics for girls like that. Howard said they have such great bodies. He said this Russian chick is really hot too.
Howard said he'd watch more if there weren't so many commercials. He said it's just annoying.
Howard said there was one guy named Dong-Dong in the Olympics. Howard played a clip of a guy announcing something about that guy. Howard said his brother's name is Ding Dong. Fred played a doorbell ring. Howard said they had that guy The Donger in Sixteen Candles. Howard said it's like if a woman's name was Cunt-Cunt. Howard said it's so funny. He said life is funny like that. He said maybe in China that's cool. He said he doesn't think even the Chinese know it's ridiculous.
Howard said ''Hit 'em with the dong!'' Howard said ''Hit 'em with the Hein!'' is really taking off. He said sports shows are really going with it. Howard played a clip of a sports radio show caller using it. The host of the show had to explain what it was. Howard said some people love that. He said he didn't want to replace Baba Booey with that but people are liking it.
Howard said Simon Helberg was on a show and he and the host both used it. Howard played a clip of that. Howard said there was a horse race where a guy used it. Howard said this is Jason Blewitt. He used ''Hit 'em with the Hein!'' too. Howard said these are real things and they're making it all over. Howard said Matthew Berry was doing his fantasy football show and used it too. Howard played that clip. Howard said he did it again after that. Howard played a ''Hit 'em with the Hein!'' song parody too.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he agrees with Gary about Ronnie's Twitter. He said he was in bed with his wife and she saw the pictures. Howard said it's hard to justify that when people are looking over your shoulder. The caller started his story over again so Howard hung up on him. Howard played another ''Hit 'em with the Hein!'' song parody. Howard said it's becoming a part of the lexicon.
Joey said High Pitch Erik got two fish and they killed themselves. He said he named them Howard and Robin. He got frogs and they died. He said then he bought a lizard a month and a half ago and this past weekend it was dead in the tank. Howard asked if Joey is still in the building. Joey said he is. He said he doesn't have enough money to buy a place. Howard asked Joey to stop him from buying animals. Joey said he can't. He said he should be banned from buying pets. Howard said he's going to ban him from the show if he buys anything else. Joey said Erik listens to them and they all tell him the same thing. Howard said he has to cut him off and say he won't be his friend if he buys another pet.
Howard said Erik is slow and he's a moron. He said he has to stop buying pets. Howard said his dad called him a moron but he's normal. He said Erik has been diagnosed a moron. He said when he has a pet he loves it to death. Joey said he's like Lenny from Of Mice and Men. Howard asked what happened to the lizard. Joey said Erik claims it was shedding and it starved itself to death. Howard said he knows that lizards will grow and grow. He said this fucking Erik doesn't give it water or food and he tortures them. Joey said he's not sure what it is but he can't handle a pet. Howard said he had a dog and they called some animal protective service and they took it from him. Joey said he was locked up all day long in a room and they had to take it away.
Howard said he has cats they won't let outside. He said Michael Vick is better with animals than Erik is. Howard said goodbye to Joey but Joey asked him not to hang up. Howard said he has some clips of Joey on his Podcast where the audio doesn't work. Howard played a clip and the audio was all messed up. Joey said that only lasted a few minutes. The audio ended up skipping and repeating and then it was all static. Howard said it reminds him of Eric the Actor when he had a show. Joey said it was just the last 5 minutes and it was a glitch with Skype. He said it's usually superior sound.
Howard said Erik got a girl to sleep over somehow. Joey said he had this blonde in his room with big tits. He said she was maybe a 5. He said she's an Erik 10 though. Howard said anyone breathing is a 10 for Erik. Joey said he found out she's from Albany. He said she's staying right there in Erik's bed. He said he's been sleeping with her but not having sex. Joey said Erik says she's just a friend. Joey said he thinks he just wants to be close to her. Howard said maybes she's homeless and wants to stay there. Howard said maybe her parents abused her and she escaped an orphanage. Joey has a twin bed and she's between Erik and the wall. Howard said imagine getting into the bed with Erik. Howard said he'd sleep with one eye open. He said he'd take his chances in the park.
Howard said he likes that Erik takes people in from the street. Joey said he has people sleeping with him but he hasn't had anyone in years. Howard said Erik has that weird ability to operate. Robin said he's not as stupid as they think he is. Howard said he's stupider. Joey agreed that he's dumb.
Howard said he had a phony phone call Erik made but it didn't work out. He said he threw it out. Joey got in a plug for the podcast he does on Friday nights on PodTrash.com. Howard let Joey go after that.
Howard said Sal shared a bed with High Pitch Erik in Atlantic City once. Howard said that had to be gross. Robin said if he rolls over on you it's going to crush you.
Howard played a clip of Erik explaining how to eat pussy. Erik said you go down really slow and then you put your head toward the pussy and you start licking it and you put whipped cream on it. Shuli asked how long you should do it. Erik said maybe 3 minutes or 7 if you're really good. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
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Howard asked Arnold some questions and Arnold had crazy comebacks. They had Arnold talking about turning 69 years old and how he just learned that's what they call it when two people suck each other off. He said he's going to try it with Maria. He said if the 69 thing works out maybe he'll get back together with her.
Howard wished phony Arnold luck with Celebrity Apprentice. Howard said goodbye to Arnold and the guys kept playing clips of Arnold telling Howard to hang up first. Howard said you hang up. Arnold stayed on. Howard kept saying goodbye to the clips and the guys kept playing more of him saying goodbye.
Howard played a phony phone call one of the guys made to a radio show where he said he was upset about a comment they made on the show and the host asked what the comment was. He never said what the comment was and the host freaked out on him. The host asked what it was that he said that made him upset. The caller said what time it happened and it was offensive. He never said what it was. Howard went to break after that.
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Howard took a call from a guy who said he has to talk about this Tommy from Malden. He said he's giving the people from Boston a bad name. Howard had Tommy on the line too. The other caller said that his Twitter account is really bad. He said that he's got his face on his Twitter and he's doing things on his Twitter that are weird. The caller said he doesn't have a job and he said that on the air a few months ago. Tommy and the caller were going back and forth and Howard wondered where they're going with this. The caller said Tommy is making the people of Boston look bad. Howard said this is the most boring feud ever. Tommy said he wants to apologize to Howard for the call the other day. He said Howard still has it with his impression of his parents. The caller, Matt, said all of Tommy's calls are bad. Howard said he has to do a show for 4 or 5 hours and not everything is going to be agreeable. Matt said that Tommy's calls are just awful and he's making them look bad. Robin said they heard that already. Tommy said he lived in Somerville for a year. Howard said this is so boring. He said no one cares. Howard told them to go have their feud somewhere else. Howard asked who cares. Howard said he thought that was going to be good.
Howard took a call from a woman who said High Pitch Erik is so disturbing. Howard said Ronnie was out in the hall going ''This is the worst sex tip'' when he played that Erik clip. The caller said she has this image of him licking a woman and it was just bad.
Howard said he has a clip of Medicated Pete giving some eating pussy tips. Howard played that clip and Pete was talking about carefully opening the vagina lips and then put your tongue in there. He said you go smoothly and flow. He said that should work. Shuli asked how long he should be down there. Pete said he'd be down there for hours. Howard said that's a guy with nothing to do. Robin said she has things to do. She can't spend hours down there.
Howard had a clip of Tan Mom saying that it's a very private issue. She said you lick from the bottom to the top and then back and forth and you'll see results. She said it helps if you have two guys with one in your mouth and the other down there.
Howard played a clip of Shuli talking to Big Foot asking what his advice is on eating pussy. Big Foot couldn't hear him so he had to yell. Shuli asked him to give advice on how to eat pussy and Big Foot just didn't understand. Big Foot said he didn't have any tips. He said you just do it with your tongue. Howard said it took a lot to get that out of him. Howard said he might have to blow the wax out of his ears.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has some questions about the Tracy Morgan interview. He asked if it went the way he wanted. He asked if he was nervous at all. Howard said he wasn't nervous. He said he has anxiety before every show in general. He said he wants the guest to come off well. Howard said with Tracy you don't worry too much. He said he loves the guy's energy. The caller asked if he is still on the road as a comic. Howard said he talked about that yesterday. He hung up on the guy.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he loved the Tracy Morgan interview. He said Dr. Oz had some people on who came back from the other side. Howard said the thing that's cool about Tracy is that he doesn't get into that. The caller said he knows Howard isn't into that. He said he lost his sister to Leukemia and she was a year younger than him. Howard said don't go to psychics to talk to her. He said psychics are scams. He said it's just people like Sal who get suckered into that. Howard said grief is hard to deal with and there is no answer. He said no one on earth has that answer. Robin said you can contact them yourself. Howard said it's a lot cheaper that way.
The caller said he did have his sister come through to him and he was floored. He said it just kind of happened. Howard asked how she came to him. The caller said she came to him in a dream and she came to him. Howard said it's just a dream. He said he doesn't want him falling down that rabbit hole. Howard said his sister is talking to him now and she misses him and she wants him to live his life. He asked how that is. Howard said she's wearing a green suit too.
The caller asked if Robin had any kind of message when she was going through her stuff. Howard said his sister is coming through and saying he's an asshole. The caller said he got a message saying that he should fire Benjy.
Robin said we all die. She said that's the news she has for people. Howard said the sister is coming through again and saying thank you for ending the call.
Howard asked if Robin ever dreamt about him. Robin said she did. Robin said it was very disturbing actually. Robin said she had to wake up and tell herself that it was just a dream. Robin said when you wake up feeling unnerved you have to calm down. Howard asked what it was about. Robin said it was about ending the show. Howard said that's not a dream. He said that's Sal's nightmare. Howard asked if he was nude. Robin said he wasn't. Robin said she only had a sex dream about Jackie and that was disgusting.
Howard asked where the flowers came from. Robin said that they're from Brad Garrett. Howard asked if that's because he didn't recognize her. Robin said he says the lights were in his eyes. Robin said he said he just saw a fine sista out there. Howard said Brad Garrett has a girlfriend who is so fucking hot. Howard said he came in saying he was too old for her. He said she really is hot. Howard said you look at Brad and wonder what he's up to. He said he's up to plenty. Howard said that guy has major action going on. Howard said the person who gets girls is Jeff Ross. Howard said he's seen it. Howard said he thought it was a kidnapping. Howard said comedians have their thing going. Robin said you have to feel bad for a comedian. Howard said Brad is banging a 10. Robin said they were shocked when he had Izzy in.
Howard said he has a clip of Pauly Shore announcing who they have coming in. He played the clip of Pauly announcing that Jonah Hill is coming in. Howard said Pauly gets a lot of girls too. Howard said a lot of guys you think don't have anything going on get the girls.
Howard asked Robin if she was insulted by Brad not recognizing her. Robin said he did call her Whoopi. Howard said he thought it was Oprah. Robin said it was Whoopi. Robin said it was in poor taste and she said ''aww'' and he said ''don't you give me that look Whoopi.'' Robin said he was so funny. Howard asked what TV show he was on. Robin said he was on Everybody Loves Raymond. She said he did a great impression of Ray Romano. Howard said he does an impression too. Howard did some of that and he sounded like Kermit the Frog. Howard said even he can do that impression. He said he does two, Kermit and Ray.
Howard said Yucko the Clown went to Comic-Con and he has balls of steel. Howard played a clip of Yucko interviewing some people. He interviewed a woman who was dressed as Khaleesi. He interviewed a woman dressed as Harley Quinn and some others too. He had some harsh comments for them. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
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Howard said ''Whoop, whoop'' is big thanks to the Juggalos. Howard said that it works into some songs. Howard played ''Sympathy for the Devil'' and it worked into that. They had some other songs that they threw the ''Whoop, whoop'' audio drop into.
Howard took a call from Mark in Boston who asked if he listens to the Wrap Up Show to hear what's going on. Howard said never. He said he'll listen in the car sometimes. Mark said to him it's just a monotony of guests that fans don't give a fuck about. Howard told him to stop listening then. Howard said he has to give Gary an outlet to talk. He said Gary talks to him a lot less now. He said if you hate it then just turn it off. Mark said he wasn't trying to Hit 'em with the Hein or anything. Howard played a Baba Booey song parody for Gary after that. That was from Daniel Mendelson. Howard said that guy is a canter. He said he's like a Rabbi that sings.
Howard took a call from Shandor who Robin said they haven't heard from for a long time. Howard said he forgot Shandor. Shandor said the Tracy Morgan interview was great. He asked if Howard thinks he can stop working when he retires. Howard said he doesn't think so. He said his doctor thinks he likes work. He said he really doesn't like it that much. Howard said Jonah is going to come in and it's going to be funny but he doesn't think he'll miss the job that much. Robin said that John McLaughlin died a week after missing a show. Howard said he doesn't know. Howard said some people like being on TV and that stuff. Howard said he used to like it a lot more. Howard asked Shandor if he likes working. Shandor said he does. He said he likes contributing to society. Howard asked what he does. He said he's a mechanical engineer. He said he was there when the Challenger shuttle blew up.
Shandor said that Dee Snider's son's wife had a baby and it was born on the freeway. Howard said he did hear that. He let him go after that.
Howard took a call from Marfan Mike and made fun of his speech impediment. Robin asked if that happens to him all the time. Howard said every fucking asshole does that to Mike. Mike asked if he's in the Wack Pack. Howard said he has to vote on that. Howard was still doing his Marfan Mike voice. Howard said he must get that from people a lot. Mike said he doesn't actually. Howard said in that case he'll do it more.
Gary said they don't have a plan for voting Mike in yet. Howard said he has to get on that. He said he just realized he does Ray Romano and Marfan Mike impressions. Howard said he'll have some people vote for Mike. Robin said he has to start lobbying. Howard said he wants to get that going soon. Howard said they have to have a big vote. Howard said he deserves to be in the Wack Pack. Gary said he's on the fence about him. He said he's not an instant success. Howard said he's just as good as Elephant Boy. Howard said he went to school with High Pitch Erik and they used to pick on each other.
Robin asked what the problem is with Mike. Howard said he's over analyzing. Howard asked what he does for a living. Mike said he was in something that sounded like sales. Howard asked how he's not Wack Pack. He's a hail and snail inspector. Howard said that's what it sounded like to him. Howard asked him to say it again and it sounded the same. It turns out he was an administrator. Howard said he's so in the Wack Pack. He said he's so far in that he doesn't know how he'll get out.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said mike doesn't even listen to the show. Howard said Big Foot didn't listen to the show when they found him. Howard said Mariann isn't Wack Pack either. Mariann said she knows. She said Howard did call her Wack Pack once. Howard said Super Fan doesn't equal Wack Pack. Mariann said she should be in there. She was rambling on and on while Howard and Robin were talking. Howard said if she gets her tongue removed she can be in it. Howard hung up on her and said they'll have a vote for Mike soon. Howard said he has his vote. He said he likes Mike. Mike wished Robin a happy birthday.
Howard asked Mike why he got laid off. Mike said the whole company went down and a lot of people got fired. Mike said he was good at his job. Howard asked if they figured out when he last got laid. Mike had a girlfriend a long time ago. Howard asked if he has any pussy eating tips. Mike said no. He said something unintelligible.
Howard took a call from High Pitch Erik who said he's going to vote against Mike. Howard said he thought he was thinking he could be in it. Erik said he has to rethink it. He said Mike thinks he's better than him. Mike said he never said that. Howard said he might be. Erik said he never had a problem with Mike. He said Mike was the one with the problem. Howard said he doesn't understand why they're not friends. He said they should team up. Erik said he never had a problem. Mike said his problem is with Erik always asking for this and that from Howard. Howard said he asks for too much shit. Mike said he's always asking for help.
Erik said he asked Donnie Wahlberg to put him on Blue Bloods. He said he's a friend. He said he followed him into the bathroom and asked him to do that. Howard said this is great. He said he can listen to this all day. Howard said this guy is gold. Howard asked who died and left Gary in charge. Howard asked Mike why he didn't like Erik in school. They went to school together. Mike said something unintelligible again. Erik said he should test them together. Howard said Erik thinks he's smarter than Mike.
Howard said they went to school next to Chernobyl. Howard said it was Three Mile Island High School. Howard said they should start a special school like in X-Men but for Morons. Howard said it can be Zika High.
Howard said he has to go talk to Jonah Hill. He said that he'd like to talk to Erik about the girl he has sleeping over. Erik said he has a girl and Mike doesn't. Mike said he would have had sex if he had a girl in his bed. Erik said she can't have babies because she was ''fixated.'' Howard laughed. Robin was cracking up. She said that's the best. Erik said she's going through a divorce too. Howard said she can't have sex because she's fixated. Erik said he sleeps in his chair sometimes.
Howard said he has to get to Jonah Hill but he has to talk about this. He asked how this girl ended up in the apartment. Erik said he met her though Facebook. He said she lives in her ex-husband's parents house. Howard said imagine her leaving you for Erik. Howard said she's sleeping in his bed but he's not getting laid. Erik said something about her being shackled around something but no one got that. Howard asked what he's saying. Erik said she will only do it if she's in a relationship or shackled with someone. Howard said lets shackle her to Erik so she'll have sex. Robin said she must mean shackled up. Erik said yes. Howard said he has other things to do so he will talk to Erik next week. Howard asked if he can bring the chick. Erik said he's not sure. Howard said lets just talk on the phone.
Howard said they had a good thing going with High Pitch. Howard said Erik says this girl needs to be shackled and she's fixated. Howard said he'll talk more about it next week. Erik said he'll give Gary her phone number so they can talk to her. Erik said maybe they can both come in. Howard said he might have to see the girl who is shackled and fixated. Howard let Marfan Mike go and said he'll vote on him soon. Howard said he'll see Erik next week.
Howard still had Mike on the phone and kept saying goodbye to him. They did that for a minute and then Howard let Mike go and did a live commercial read. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said he has Jonah Hill there. He said he's in the new movie War Dogs and it's really good. Howard said he has the beard going too. Howard asked if he gained weight for that movie. Jonah said he will never do that again. He said it works in the movie. Howard said he thinks he'll get another Academy Nomination for that movie. Howard said he's a really good actor. Howard said that kid Miles Teller is great too.
Jonah said Wolf of Wall Street was just coming out when he was asked to do this one. He said that they were about to do it and they asked him to read it one more time. He said he's happy and grateful to those guys Todd Phillips and Bradley Cooper. Howard said he heard Jonah could hear Todd saying ''Yeah!'' after his audition. Jonah said that's not true. He said they drove out of the hotel Todd was all excited. He said that it was very endearing that he'd do that. Howard said it must feel good as an actor when you get something like that. Howard said it must be great when you see a director hooting and hollering to get you. Jonah said he just thinks he was right for the part.
Howard asked Jonah about how things work when they offer the movie to him. Do they call his agent. Jonah said they wrote the part for him and Todd knows his manger. He said that Rick York is his manager. He said he started working with him because he represents Leo and Martin Scorsese. He said this guy Rick is brilliant. Howard said you get other cool clients if you go with someone like Leo or Martin.
Howard asked if Rick reads the script first. Jonah said he did and he was very adamant about him doing the movie. Jonah said Rick lives 2 floors below Todd. Howard said you need a lot of people on the look for you. He said you need the connections. Howard said he wants to understand how it all works. Howard said if there are a bunch of movies out there and you make a ton of money then you get scripts. Howard said you get a movie and Rick says don't do it, does he do it. Jonah said he makes the final decision himself but they all discuss it. He said he has other people with him who help him make the decisions. He said he liked how Todd was trying to do something different with his carer. He said he's trying to pivot and he can relate to that.
Howard said Jonah wants to make the best movies and he has to stay away from some stuff. Jonah said he has made blunders but they were well intentioned. He said you try to figure out who the leader and the boss is. He said he likes to be the shittest player on the best team. He said even the kicker gets a ring at the end of the season. Howard asked if Todd's sister is a doctor or something. Jonah said she's not. Howard said he's not sure why he thought that.
Howard asked Jonah if a director asks him to do something can he tell him to fuck off. Jonah said he really wants the movie to be great and he'll do whatever. Howard asked if he saw this movie War Dogs. Jonah said he did and he thinks it's really good. He said this might be the best example of something dark that he's done. He said it blends the two things together. Howard said it's dark and funny. He said the guy is a sociopath. Howard said he takes advantage of people. He said he's a true sociopath. Jonah said he's also charming. He said it's the most dangerous kind of person. Howard said you love them. Howard said everyone loved Bernie Madoff but he was fucking everyone over.
Howard said the point is that he's playing a sociopath so does he go study someone like that. Jonah said the story is a real life story. He said that he didn't meat this real guy. He said he never wants to do that because they'll end up suing him over it. Howard said he's a leading man in War Dogs and guys who look like Bradley Cooper usually play that part. Howard said this means that Jonah is really good. Jonah said he's just lucky that he gets to do what he does.
Howard asked if Jonah gets to green light his own stuff. Jonah said he's doing the dumbest thing ever and directing a movie. He said he's not in it at all. He said it's a movie like This is England or Dazed and Confused. He said it's a boring pitch but it's a coming of age movie.
Howard asked if he has to go pitch a movie and go back to square one. Jonah said he went to Scott Rudin and another guy are producing it and A24 is the movie company putting it out. He said they're the best. Jonah said A24 releases films and the trailers are a direct representation of the movies they put out.
Howard asked Jonah about doing a voice in Sausage Party. He said he and Seth are going around getting high and they go to dinner and come up with this idea for an R rated movie about sausage meats in a refrigerator. Howard asked why he's not executive producing it. Jonah said he does get a credit but Seth and Evan really do all of the work. He said this was like a decade ago that it happened. Howard said he heard from a guy who smoked with Seth an he was barely able to function. Jonah said that he can't relax and enjoy it. He said they can relax on it but they're very low key. He said that they're 50 moves ahead of everyone. Jonah said they had this idea for the movie and they had a title of Sausage Party and they started talking about what it would be about. He said they spent the next decade making it a reality. Jonah said he helped in the beginning but Seth and Evan went with it for 10 years. He said they spent a decade making it good and making it amazing to watch. He said he's not passionate about it like they are. Jonah said they see stuff like that through. Howard said no one wanted to make the movie until they found that girl Megan Ellison. Jonah said that they are going to make it possible to see movies that aren't regular super hero movies and things like that.
Jonah said that you'll never see a movie like Shawshank Redemption again. He said it doesn't exist. He said you make flying man 7 or Titty Party 6. He said it's a comedy or a super hero movie or a sequel. Jonah said as an audience you don't get stuff like that.
Howard asked Jonah if he's doing a Netflix type show. Jonah said they're still far out on that. He said they just hired a writer. He said that it's got Emma Stone and him in it. He said it could be interesting. He said it's based on a foreign show. He said that they play mental patients who have mental issues and hate each other but fall in love through their psychotic delusions. Howard said he's on fire with all of these projects. Jonah said he's really not.
Howard said Jonah is good with this stuff. He said he just said Titty Party 6 and he might pick that up. Jonah said Seth and Evan had an idea for something and they weren't able to figure it out. He said they had an idea to make a movie about Shitty Movie 4 which was a spoof movie about spoof movies. He said they're next level. Howard said he likes that. He said he likes Titty Movie too. Howard said in 10 years he might see that in theaters.
Jonah mentioned how great the Tracy Morgan interview was yesterday. He said it was great to hear them talk like that. Howard said he didn't talk to the guy for 2 years and he tried to keep in touch. Howard said he just hoped he'd live and it was something to see him walk in the door again. He said it was really emotional.
Howard asked Jonah what he did with the Flat Ronnie. Howard said he heard that JD went over to Saturday Night Live when Jonah was hosting and he brought his girlfriend with him. Jonah said they were about to do the show and he was more excited about the Flat Ronnie. He said JD rolled up with the girlfriend and there were no other big fans around. He said he was all excited about it but no one else was because it was just an hour from show time. He said that he talked to JD and the girlfriend and they were both very sweet. Howard asked if he was shocked that JD had a girlfriend and he was able to communicate with her as an adult. Jonah said he only knows JD through the prism of the show. He said he has friends who meet people who are very special and it brings out a special calm. He said JD seemed just happier. He said it was great and it made him happy. Howard said he thought something was wrong with her for being with JD. Jonah said you never know what goes on behind closed doors.
Howard said he watched War Dogs and really loved it. Jonah said he and Todd thought that when he says his Pix system breaks he's just using that as an excuse to not watch the movie. Howard said he saw the movie and it was so good he forgot that his name was in the middle of the picture.
Howard asked Jonah about this rumor that he and Miles Teller, who has great chemistry with on screen, actually hate each other. Howard said he heard that. Jonah said that's just not true. He said he and Todd are friends and they had conflicts but not unnatural. Jonah said they had disagreements but he doesn't know a movie that you don't have that. Howard said he loves Todd. Jonah said this movie was in his head. Howard asked if he liked Miles too. Jonah said he did. Jonah asked if he has seen Whiplash. Howard said he did. Jonah said he was amazing in that.
Howard said he heard Miles was difficult to work with. Jonah said not at all. He said he won't say he'll be best friends with him but that's rare. Howard asked if Jonah stays in character on set. Jonah said he doesn't have people calling him by the character's name or anything. Howard said he's not like Daniel Day Lewis.
Jonah said he thought it was interesting playing the part but it wasn't really fun. Howard said he thinks he has a shot at an Oscar. Howard asked who beat him out last time. Jonah said it was Jared Leto. He said Jared walked over and shook his hand before going on stage. He said he thought that was really classy. He said he has no idea what the move is.
Howard asked Jonah if he had to kill Todd Phillips or Miles Teller if they were on an island together, who would it be. Jonah said he's not sure. He said Todd is skinny as fuck so he wouldn't last long. He said that they might kill him first.
Howard said that thing he did with Leonardo DiCaprio went viral. He said that Leo came up to him with a camera and started shooting him and it scared the shit out of him. Jonah said he really didn't know that it was Leo and people are all talking about it. He said that it was a private thing and he feels bad that he can't joke around with his friends. He said Leo didn't know that he was being followed and filmed. Jonah said he was going out to get a coffee and it was just a goofy thing that happened. He said Leo ran up on him and scared the shit out of him. Howard asked how long it was before he knew what was going on.
Howard asked Jonah if he thinks he should be aware of who is around him when he's out on the street. Jonah said he lives in New York and loves it. He said he's not comfortable being famous. Howard said you can't be buried in your phone. Jonah said he would isolate himself a lot and he didn't like having his picture taken. He said you think you look like shit not being dressed up. He said that he wants to enjoy his life. Jonah said that he likes listening to music.
Howard said he didn't realize his dad was an accountant for Guns N' Roses. Howard asked if he's the reason they got back together. Jonah said not at all. He said his dad is his accountant now. Howard said that's the movie he should make. He said he should make that movie. Jonah said Get Him to the Greek was kind of that story. Howard said he's the one rational guy who has to deal with the nuts. Jonah said he's lucky to have the parents he has. He said he's lucky that his dad does it for him. He said he doesn't have to freak out about a stranger doing it.
Howard said Jonah went to school with Adam Levine and he married Adam and his wife at their wedding. Jonah said he did. He said that wasn't even a Hollywood thing. He said he grew up in L.A. and he gets made fun of for that. He said it's not like you just become famous when you graduate. He said he realized that it's a job you can have. He said growing up like that you see that being famous is possible. Howard said he was told by his father that he couldn't be on radio. Howard asked if his dad took him to Guns N' Roses concerts. Jonah said it doesn't work like that for accountants. He said he's sure Axl doesn't want to deal with his accountant and his 8 year old kid.
Howard asked if Jonah can't grow up when he has an accountant handling his money for him. Jonah said his dad is an amazing person and he treats it separate. He said that his friends make fun of him when his dad talks about how expensive his shirt is. Howard said his dad reviews his bills. He said that's good. Howard said his dad is that way too. He said he is very frugal. Howard said Jonah is making a lot of money and maybe he wants to blow it on something. Howard said it can be inhibiting. Jonah said he'd rather have that than someone not doing that for him. He said he should have money that can last a while if he stops working tomorrow.
Howard said Jonah says he walked around crying a lot when he was a kid. Howard asked why that is. Jonah said his problems come from inside his head and not from outside forces. He said it's about what's in his head and not about what's outside. Howard asked if he would walk around crying as a kid. Jonah said he wondered if he was too sensitive to make it through. Howard asked if the world breaks his heart. Jonah said he's happy and he has the most amazing life. He said he gets mad at himself when he can't get out of his head. He said he tells himself that he's a selfish fucker. Howard asked if he goes to the shrink.
Robin asked what was making him so sad. Jonah said he's not sure. He said he thinks that our thoughts are just poison sometimes. Howard said he knows what he means. Howard said he has to call Beth to come up when he feels like the whole world is caving in. Jonah said you have to go out and get out of your head. Howard said maybe walking around town seeing Adam Levine fucking every girl is something you have to get out of your head. Jonah said one time he was in a bar and an actress was there drunk. He said he brought up that he was friends with Adam Levine. He said this was many years ago too. He said they're like brothers basically. He said they have wildly different lives but they're close. He said the woman said that was a fake Hollywood friendship. Jonah said it's a real friend and she doesn't know that. Jonah said he just wanted to clarify that it wasn't that kind of relationship.
Howard said Adam has a hot wife. He said he has that Behati Prinslou or whatever her name is. Jonah said he won the lottery. He said he found the most amazing woman in the world. Howard asked if he ever thought that he'd get married. Jonah said he did because he likes having kids around. He said some people don't like being alone and Adam is one of those guys who has people around him all the time.
Howard asked if Adam called him and asked him to marry him and Behati. Howard said he told Adam to get a surrogate so he doesn't ruin her body. Jonah said that he was trying to be thoughtful and he did the wedding ceremony for them. He said Adam told him to be funny and he wasn't sure he wanted to do that. Howard said you have to be witty and all of that. Howard said it ruins the wedding for Jonah. Jonah said he did write a joke or two. Howard asked what he charged Adam for that. Jonah said $275,000. Howard said it really does have to ruin it for him. Jonah said he was drained after it. He said he left the party after like 30 minutes.
Howard asked if it was a Jewish ceremony. Jonah said no because Behait's father was South African and he had to do some kind of special thing. He said he went up and did something quickly and looked back at him like ''That's how you do it.''
Howard asked if he went to the wedding stag because all of the hot chicks were going to be there. Jonah said he was there with his family. He said that he was terrified to do the ceremony. He said they were all hanging out before the wedding and they were all having fun and he was going over his shit in his head. He said he really did leave very early on after that. He said he wrote a joke about growing up with Adam and seeing him doing his thing. He said he was giving him shit.
Howard asked Jonah about being a skate boarder growing up. Jonah said he would film and that's what his movie is going to be about. He said he would film the better skate boarders and they would shoot stuff at night and when it rained.
Howard asked if he had famous kids in his high school. Jonah said not really. He said Spencer Pratt from The Hills went there. He said Kate Hudson went there but she was older. He said she was very nice.
Howard said he's been in 29 movies and he's only 32. Howard said he's also rated 28 on the Forbes most highly paid actors list.
Howard said Jonah is on a roll. He said knock on wood things will keep going. Howard asked if he will be Godfather to Adam's kid. Jonah said no. Howard said he should ask. Jonah said just imagine him raising a model's kid.
Howard asked why he's not at Leonardo DiCaprio's pussy party. He said that's where the action is. Jonah said he tells Leo to come on this show all the time. Howard said he has to get him in there. Howard said Jonah should be on that yacht. Jonah said if he was on the yacht he'd never know it. He said he would be very cautious with that. Howard said he should get Robin out there too.
Howard gave Jonah a plug for ''War Dogs'' which he hit the mark with. Howard said it's a tough role to play. He said he's like a Jewish Mafia dude. Howard said he gets worse and worse as the movie goes along. Howard said there are a couple of great dramatic moments in the movie. Howard said the Iraq stuff is great. Jonah said Todd Phillips did a great job with it. Jonah said he knows that he and Bradley are listening to the show right now. Howard said he thought Brad was great in the movie. He said he's not in it a lot but he was great. Jonah said Miles was great in it too. Howard said he won't be hanging out with him though. Jonah said he got along with him just fine.
Howard said that Tracy Morgan talked about his penis growing 2 inches after the accident. Jonah said he's got to be in the top 5 guests Howard has had on. He said that he's more open with his thoughtfulness. He said there's a Beetlejuice sense to him. He said you don't know if he's doing a bit or not. He said he doesn't doubt that his penis grew 2 inches though. Howard said it was so great to see him after that accident.
Jonah told Howard how great that interview with Tracy was and how that's what comedy movies should be like. He said there was some sad stuff with some levity in it. Howard said that's how he feels about comedians on stage. He said he'd like to be brought into their lives instead of hearing joke after joke. He said he thinks Tracy's tour is going to be good because he's going to be talking about the accident and making jokes about it.
Howard gave Jonah some plugs for the movie and said he thinks it's great. Jonah said he's not reading the reviews. He said he's too sensitive for that. He said that he doesn't follow the tracking or anything either. He said he leaves that up to the other people. Jonah said he has lived a charmed life in every way and he had some movies you knew were going to do pretty well. Howard said he wasn't sure 21 Jump Street was going to do well. Jonah said they weren't sweating bullets over the second one. Howard said they put a ton of money into some of these movies. He said you know you get to make more if the movie does well. Howard asked if he'll hide in his apartment if it doesn't do well. Jonah said he does the opposite now. He said he would go to his hotel during the press tours but now he packs it with friends and family. He said he's not going to sit and listen to Howard the whole time.
Howard asked if he gets paid points on Sausage Party. Jonah said no. He said he did it for those guys. He said Evan and Seth are like two guys who share a brain. He said they're so fun. He said he did the recording session with them and it as so much fun. He said he got to hang with people who he thinks are wonderful people. He said they have a lot of history together too.
Howard asked if he has problems doing a movie like War Dogs when he can't get a scene right. Jonah said he is known for doing that. He said he'll reset himself in a scene. He said that Sam Rockwell knows about that. He said Sam gave him some advice on that because it's disrespectful to the other actors when you do that.
Jonah said he worked with the Cohen Brothers and they are like the most brilliant writers. He said he remembers one scene where he kept saying and / or and one of the guys came up to him and said ''Jonah you're actually killing me and I'm going to die...'' Jonah said in that movie and the Tarantino movie it could have been any actor in that role. He said in Wolf of Wall Street or Moneyball it's different. He said Martin Scorsese loves to see what you're going to do. He said that's the impression he got from him. He said that's why you'd hire him. He said you want to see things evolve. He said Scorsese taught him to get out of the movie's way. He said he saw it change so much from rehearsing to when it was done.
Howard asked if he lays down or sits in a chair when he goes to therapy. Jonah said he sits. He said he can't lay down. He said he does some of it on the phone. He said he'll go on Instagram and shit too. He said that he does it on a regular basis.
Jonah said there was a movie about David Geffen that taught him a lot too. Robin said that Howard was anti-psychiatry before he stared going.
Howard gave Jonah some more plugs for the movie and wrapped up with him. Howard asked if he has any competition. Jonah said he doesn't know and he just tries to stay out of it. Howard wrapped up and Jonah gave a ''Whoop, whoop'' before Howard went to break. As they went to break they played Don Felder performing ''Hotel California'' in the Howard Stern show studio.
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Robin said her friend Rebecca is there sitting in today. She said she's known her since birth. Robin said it's a friend's daughter she's known since she was born. Howard said she can sit and watch Robin doing her thing. Robin said Rebecca is there to see Howard. Howard said Robin has seen her vagina. Robin said it must have been normal. She doesn't remember anything about it. Howard asked if she changed doody diapers. Robin said it was like roses. Rebecca said she'll have to take her word for it. Howard asked if she changed her diaper well. Rebecca just laughed.
Howard asked what's in the news. Robin asked Howard if a Rabbi is spying on women in a Mikvah for years, what kind of sentence should he get. Howard said he should do a year per spying year. He went with 6 years. Robin said he was given 6 and a half years for this. Robin said his lawyers are trying to knock the time down because they think it's too long for a peeping Tom. Howard said it seems about right to him. He said he has daughters and he'd want the book thrown at the guy.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's a first time caller. He said he thought that phony phone call he thought was the best really was funny. Howard said he was right on that. He said you can take his word on that stuff.
Howard said he got a lot of nice email about Tracy Morgan and about Triumph the Insult Comic Dog. Howard said they got a nice email about Benjy too. Howard said people were very pleased with them for the most part this week.
Robin read a story about a Chinese swimmer who was in a relay and she was being interviewed and she doubled over in pain because she was on her period. Robin said one of the things they revealed was that they don't use tampons in China. Howard asked what they use. Robin said she doesn't know. Howard said he knew a woman from China who used Egg Rolls. Howard said he was told they use the fortunes in fortune cookies. Robin said the tampon has not been introduced in China. Howard said he heard China is disgusting. He said the smog is horrible over there. He said they have an index so in L.A. it might be 22 but in China it's over 500. Howard said their sunsets look like Venus from all of the chemicals.
Robin said she read that good air is a commodity over there. She said that they might have cleaner air for executives in the companies over there. Howard said they still don't have tampons over there though. Howard said god bless America. He said god bless our military too. Howard said Rebecca's parents are in the military. Rebecca said Robin was in it too. Howard asked if Robin gave Rebecca the tampon talk. Robin said she did not.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Howard and ''Jimble Kimble'' reference the show and goof on Gary and things like that. He asked if Molly and Beth get it. Howard said they kind of go off and talk while he and Jimmy talk. He said when they talk the show Molly knows it but Beth doesn't know it as well. Howard said Jimmy knows everything about the show. He said he knows more than he even knows. Howard said they must have spent an hour talking about Gary in the pool. Howard said it's one of their favorite topics. Howard said they'll sit there going ''Noine, noine, noine, noine, noine...'' and things like that. Robin said she hopes they don't talk about her like that. Howard said one thing they never talk about is Benjy. Benjy said that's not what Jimmy said. Howard said they actually do.
Howard asked Benjy to stop saying ''Hey Hare'' and just use his full name. Benjy said he does that because of his lack of confidence. Howard told him to just say Howard.
Robin read a story about how Ellen Degeneres is being called racist after posting something where she had a picture of herself on the back of Usain Bolt. Howard said it's so negative on Twitter. He said she was joking around about hopping on his back. Howard said it's a joke. He said only a racist would think that's racist. Howard said you can't be funny. He said she's joking about getting on his back because he runs so fast. Howard said he'd point it out if it was racist. Howard said he's the first one to point that kind of thing out.
Robin said that Darth Vader is coming back. She said he's in the new trailer for the Rogue One trailer. Howard said the new movie is a prequel. He said he liked the trailer. He said he's excited about that. Howard said Darth Vader is Star Wars. He said that character is so great. He did an impression of the breathing.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Howard hit something with Jonah Hill. He said he talked about being depressed no matter where he is. He asked if Howard feels that way too. Robin asked if the caller is Darth Vader because his phone connection was bad. Howard said he does relate to Jonah about that stuff. He said he'll be sitting alone or even with people and he gets this feeling. He said it's a feeling of being hopeless. He said he's not even sure what it's about. Howard said he tries to keep himself as far away from that as he can. He said the best remedy is to talk to someone like Beth or his kids. Howard said he'll get out of his own head. He said he's not a huge fan of himself. Howard said there are times it's not good to be around himself.
The caller asked if he could fill a show with the voicemail that comes in at night. Howard said yes. He said he has a computer filled with about 5-600 things he'd like to play but can't get to. Howard said one day he should come in and just play it all. He said he thinks they'd be very entertained. Howard said that's what this show is supposed to be but they get sidetracked. He said he has a Sternac, Naked Yoga, the top 5 and more. Howard said Memet went to naked yoga and got naked. Howard said the teacher describes his penis and it's funny. He said he's been sitting on that for like 2 months. He said he has pages and pages of prank calls to get to as well.
The caller asked about Sour Shoes calling in and what that's like. Howard said he'll call in and just do the ''Noine, noine, noine...'' thing. Howard said he has something quick. He said Sour Shoes just left some messages. Howard said he calls other shows like the Michael Kay show. Howard played a call Sour made to that show. Sour did his Robin voice and Gary voice. Howard said they had to cut that down from 10 minutes. Robin didn't think his impression of her was that good. Howard said it's a work in progress. Howard said Sour is the hardest non-working man in show business. Howard said this goes on all day long. He played more of Sour doing his thing on that radio show. Howard said that just goes on and on. He said his Gary voice is right on.
Robin read a story about how the women population in jails is going up and it's almost 14 times what it was in the 1970s. Robin said it's growing much more than men. Robin said there were fewer than 8,000 in local jails in 1970. Robin wondered why women are so criminalized and in jail. Robin said they like those women in prison films. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard mentioned that Robin's friend Rebecca is sitting in today. Howard said her parents mated and had her. Howard asked Rebecca about her parents and she said they were in the military with Robin. She said that Robin encouraged her mom to go out with her dad. Howard asked if Robin and her mom ever got it on. Rebecca said there are some things she doesn't need to know. Robin said the answer is no. Howard said it's nice to have her there. Rebecca thanked him for that.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about some of the other candidates that are in the upcoming election. Robin read about what some of their platforms are. She had some audio clips for Howard to play.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's not sure how he got through that interview yesterday without crying. Howard said he did feel for him. The caller asked if he thinks Jeff sobering up or High Pitch Erik losing weight will last longer. Howard said Erik will never lose weight.
Robin read a story about a cop who said he has never seen a more grizzly crime scene than what he saw on Friday night. Robin said a husband and wife were killed and they saw the attacker biting off pieces of the husband's face. Robin said they were working with parents of the 19 year old to find answers. Robin had some audio of an official talking about that. Robin said the son stabbed the man and his wife to death. Robin said the 19 year old is in critical condition and possibly because of something he ingested. Robin said they say he may have been high on bath salts. Howard said it's not literally bath salts though. It's just what they call it according to Robin.
Robin read a story about a woman who took pictures at a Safari in Africa and she posed next to a giraffe with a rifle. Robin had some audio of the woman explaining why they shot it. She said they said it was a danger to the other giraffes. Howard said giraffes are so gentle. He said he went to a place in Florida were they roam free and he was feeding them. Howard said he doesn't know why people have to kill that stuff.
Robin read a story about the new Samsung Galaxy Note 7. Robin said tech people are drooling over the new phone because it's the best smartphone money can buy. Howard said his phone is starting to feel a little stupid to him. Robin said people are saying the phones are going from some of the worst to the best phones. Robin said they say that it's one of the most well rounded phones out there. Robin said they say the phone is worth the $850 if you use the stylus which makes it possible to use it under water. Howard said he'd last under water about 17 seconds. He said he's not going to use it for that.
Robin had some audio of Donald Trump talking about how the democratic party policies are ruining it for people to be able to live in peace. He said just look at what happened in Milwaukee. Robin had a few clips of Trump that she had Howard play.
Robin said ''I Am Cait'' has been canceled after 2 seasons. Howard said he told her why. He said that she was trying to be political. Howard said he told Robin she should have shown her penis. Howard said it could have been a great show. Howard said they were discussing transgender politics instead. Howard said he wrote Caitlyn a letter and said he watches all of that stuff and you have to show your cock or more sword fighting. Howard said they need more talk about the penis and if she should get rid of it. Howard said the FBI may have that letter now. Robin said they say that Cait will make appearances on Keeping up with the Kardashians. Howard said he knows Caitlyn feels like she's too tall and things like that. Howard said they don't go over that on the show. Robin said she's also slated to be on the show Transparent on Amazon Prime. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about how swimming is good for joint pain. Howard said not the way he swims. Robin had some audio of a woman talking about why it's good to swim for people with joint pain.
Robin said that Ford is saying they'll have a driverless car on the road within 5 years. Howard said he loves that. He said he has nightmares about driving. He said there are so many nuts out there driving and at least it'll reduce the accidents on the road. Robin said there won't be steering wheels. Howard said he needs one of those. He said he needs some control. Robin said there won't be any controls. Howard said that fucks him up. Robin said she won't be participating in that.
Robin read a story about how a guy died in Joshua Tree Park over the weekend. Robin said he just died of dehydration and over exposure to the sun. Howard played a clip of Benjy letting out some weird grunts. Robin had some audio of an official talking about how to plan for being in a park like that.
Robin read a story about the movie ''A Star is Born'' being remade with Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper. Robin said that Lady Gaga will write some new music for the movie. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard talked to Rebecca for coming in. He said it was nice to meet her. Robin said he has met her. She said Rebecca was at his house once. She was a child at the time. She said she has a picture of her and Emily sitting on the steps together. Howard didn't remember that. He wrapped up and ended the show around 11:10am.
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Here's what they replayed today:
Today's replays were over around 11:15am.
Here's what they played on today's replay show:
Today's show was over around 11:05am.