|Friday||Master Tape Theatre|
Howard started off the show talking about how he thought he was running late today but it turned out he was right on time and prepared for the show. He said that Artie's black eye was almost gone. Artie said that it healed much quicker than he thought it would. Howard said he kind of misses it.
Howard said that his daughter graduated college on Thursday last week so that's why he wasn't in. He said she graduated Washington University in St. Louis so he was out there for that. He said that he felt very emotional there but he didn't cry.
Howard said that Debra was very good in school, as all Stern's are. He said that he saw her up on stage getting her diploma and he got all emotional and started thinking about the little kid that she once was. That led to Artie doing his ''Wahhh'' thing and Robin telling him to go ahead and get upset. Fred also threw in some of the clips of the chick who was on the show asking people go ''please just give me a chance'' and crying.
Howard said he could picture Debra as a little kid and how cute she was and then started getting all emotional about that. He said that he was very touched by that moment. It was a big deal for him to see that happening. Howard joked that it was the first kid in his family who had ever graduated college. He said that she's really a good kid.
Howard said that the night before that he had flown out there to St. Louis. The whole family was out there so they all went out to dinner. He said that his ex-wife and her husband were there but he ended up picking up the bill himself of course.
Howard said he read that Mayor Bloomberg went out to lunch with Barack Obama and Bloomberg only left a 20 percent tip. He thought that was kind of lame and he wondered why he tips so much himself if that's what billionaires are doing.
Howard said he's going to talk to his shrink about that today when he goes to therapy. He said that it's absurd that he feels he has to give so much of a tip when other people aren't doing that.
Howard said that those clips are obvious parody and someone probably told Dolly about them. He said that he likes Dolly, which is weird, and he can't imagine that she'd get upset about something and want to bring some kind of legal action over it.
Howard said that he's pretty sure she never even heard the clips. He said that this reminds him of the Jerry Fallwell case against Hustler and how that went to the supreme court and they told Fallwell that it was parody and it was legal to do such things.
Howard said that they used to do stuff with him and his family in the past and he thought it was funny and wanted to reprint it in his book.
The caller asked if he could play a game but Howard had none to play. Howard hung up on the guy when he kept asking him to play anything.
Another caller said that Howard came off pretty good on FOX news. Howard said that they were talking about how ridiculous it was to try and sue over something like that. He said that he really doesn't want to cause Dolly any trouble.
Howard said that they were basically saying that Dolly has no case against him for this. He said that he really does like Dolly because she's had this really long career and she's been kind of hot all this time. He said that he really does like her a lot.
Howard said that someone told him that Dolly's management are fans of the show and they may have done this to get some attention. He said that would be kind of sad so he hopes that's not the case.
Robin said that there was also a Baba Booey reference on TV last week. Gary said that JD would have that in a few minutes. Howard said that Mike and Juliette gave Ronnie a shout out too. He heard that Ronnie had hung out with them at Robin's charity so that's why they ended up giving him the shout out.
Howard played the clip where Juliette gave Ronnie the shout out. It was a really quick mention. Howard spent a few more minutes talking about Dolly and how he'd like to have her on the show. He said that he'd have her on any time but he's not sure if he could play those clips for her.
Howard said that he's kind of impressed when celebrities like Dolly know his name. He said that his parents are still astounded that he's famous and still get excited about articles about him in the paper.
Howard said that he didn't know that Jon was the ''boss'' of the band until he saw that show last night. Robin said that she noticed the house and how there was something off there. She said that he couldn't have run out of money so she's surprised that the yard was so plain. Robin said that he had absolutely nothing outside.
Howard and Robin talked about the nice stuff Jon has in his house. He's got a movie screen that comes up out of the floor. Howard said that Jon told him about the screening room he has and how they're actual films, not just DVDs. Howard said that he has a hard enough time loading a DVD at his house, he can't imagine loading a real film.
Howard said that Jon told him about this projectionist he has and how he could recommend the guy. Howard said that he's fine with a DVD himself but Jon said that's just not acceptable.
Howard said that he heard that Robin and Beth were very close and e-mailing each other back and forth all the time. Robin said that she loves Beth and they've been e-mailing a bit but not every single day.
Howard said that the guy who plays the lead, Ryan Gosling, is really good in it too. Artie said that he figured it would be a goof based on what the story is. Howard said that it was really good though. He said his mother told him to check it out so that's what he did.
Howard said that his parents were celebrating their 61st wedding anniversary this weekend. He said that his father really doesn't get emotional about anything either. He said they went out to Nathan's Hot Dogs for their anniversary. They do that every single year.
Howard said that his parents didn't go out to the graduation but his dad wouldn't have gotten emotional there either. He said his father never even asks how they're doing or anything like that. He's very guarded.
Howard talked about some of the stories his father was telling about their honeymoon and things like that. He said that they were stopped on their way to Florida and the cops thought that they were migrant workers or something. Howard wasn't even sure why that was.
Howard said that his parents really do love and like each other and he's not sure how one of them is going to take it when the other dies. He said that his mother doesn't even know how to write a check because his father takes care of that stuff. Howard said his mother once told him that if Ben died, she was going to give away all of her money to charity. Howard said that he asked her how she's going to pay her bills if she does that. She said that she doesn't need that much.
Howard ended up talking about the Kennedy's and how they still don't really work. They've diluted that Kennedy money a lot though. He said that none of the kids have worked because there was so much money there though.
The caller asked Howard why he doesn't warn people that he's not going to be there the next day. Howard said that he thinks that it's great to have people tune in and listen to the show even if they're running a replay. He said he doesn't want people to know that they're not going to be there live so they will still tune in and listen. He said that if he had told people about the Ralph special then they wouldn't have given him a chance.
Howard asked the guy why he wanted prior warning. The guy said that he doesn't want to try calling in if they're not there live. Howard said that's great, that's what he wants.
Howard said that he reads these fan web sites about how he doesn't tell them when he's off. He said that they're going to plan to do other things if he does give them prior warning. Howard said that it might take people a little while to figure it out if they don't know ahead of time. Howard said he thinks he's right not to give prior warning and he's going to continue to do that.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that he doesn't mind it too much when Ralph calls in but he should be limited to like one call per show. Robin said that they can't do that to him because he might have comments about more than one thing on the show. The caller said that Ralph just pops up like he's in the studio. Howard said that he doesn't even pick up every time he calls in. He said that he only picks up on him about 50 percent of the time he calls in.
Howard explained how the idea for the Ralph special came about. He said that Ralph was always telling him about these bits that he remembered and that led to them putting the special together because he had this great memory of the show over the years.
Robin said that Ralph had pulled one song parody about Scott's smoking that she didn't even remember. She said that it was something about Scott being dead or something.
A caller said that he gave that special a half hour but he had to turn it off. He didn't like Ralph and he didn't like hearing the old shows. Howard said that he doesn't get that at all and said that he likes to hear the old shows. The caller said that he doesn't like the old shows and he only wants to hear the new shows. He said he's been listening for like 20 years and he only wants to hear the new stuff. The caller said that the Best Of stuff really sucks. He said he'd rather hear Howard live from his house in the shower than those old shows.
Another caller said that he likes hearing the old stuff and he's going to get a threesome now that he's on the phone with Howard.
Howard asked the guy how he found this chick. The guy said he found her on Craigslist. He said that he wasn't sure how things were going to work out and he was afraid that he could get mugged or something. He said that she sounded like one of those chicks from a dating phone line or something.
The guy said that the woman asked him to let her go into her hotel room and for him to follow a few minutes later. She said that she was wearing a long shirt that was like a skirt on her. She wasn't wearing a bra and she had flat shoes on. He said that she was a little short but that was the only flaw she had. He said that she was Italian and part Asian but he only saw the Italian in her. He said that she undressed in front of him and then he did his thing.
The caller said that the hooker was really tight and almost like she had never had sex before. He said that he figured he'd be done in a second so he asked her to just hold still. He said he was inside of her and he just sat and talked to her for a few minutes.
Howard asked the guy if he was a little bit in love with this chick. The guy laughed and said that he was kind of hooked on her.
Howard asked the guy to tell them where the ad was but Benjy had already found it. Benjy said that he had searched for her and pulled up the ad for Howard and the guys to check out. There weren't any good ones to see but they checked them out anyway.
Howard spent a few minutes talking to the guy about the hooker. The guy said that she was amazing because no matter what position they were in, she was able to find his balls with one of her hands. Howard sand the guys had some fun goofing around with that story. Howard said that he's got to talk to Beth about the ball thing and have her find his like this chick was.
The caller said that there are these chicks out there trying to steal your identity out there so you have to be careful. He said that he had no plans on getting a prostitute that day but he kept seeing that ad and had to check it out.
Artie said that he doesn't think he's ever had a chick as hot as this one was. He said that based on the pictures he was seeing, he had never had one hotter. The caller said that the chick even took off his condom for him. He said that she pulled it off and cleaned him up. Howard said that's quite a service. The guy said that he was going to call her again after this call. Howard told the guy to call them back if he does that chick again.
Howard said that they had a busy show today. They have George Takei calling in today. They also have this woman Paula Gloria coming in next. She's the one who has that public access show that Richard and Sal prank call all the time. He did his impression of the woman talking about Richard, who calls in as Rusty, and goofed on that a little bit. Howard said he can't wait to meet her. Howard said they also have the new Miss Howard TV coming in. He thought that she was the chick who was going to spin the wheel of JD but Robin corrected him and said that's Miss Black Howard Stern.
The guys talked about the Bowling Beauties show that's on Howard TV right now. Howard said that he was just going to check out a little bit of it but ended up watching the whole show. He said he actually went bowling himself a few weeks ago and bowled a 114. He said he has no idea what he's doing though.
Artie said that it was just a chaotic time in his life. He said that he had a buddy who knew the guy down there and that's how he got hooked up with him. He said that his logic was that if it was that hard to get it, maybe he wouldn't keep doing it. He said that he thought it would deter him but it really didn't because he got hooked so bad. He said that he was getting a few days worth of the stuff when he'd go down there. The guy wouldn't show up every time he went there though.
Artie said that it would take him a little over 2 hours to get down there and then he'd speed home with heroin on him. He said that he would take a fix when he hooked up with the guy and then he'd drive home. He said that he wouldn't nod off or anything after doing a couple of lines. The couple of lines would just make him feel normal again.
Artie talked about how awful he felt when he'd be coming down off of that stuff. He said that he's amazed that he didn't blow his head off during that stuff. Howard said that he wanted to talk more about that but he had to get this Paula Gloria in there.
Howard had the guys bring in Paula after that. She's going to be doing her show there on Howard 101 tonight. Paula gave Howard a present when she came in. Howard asked her if she calls herself a hippie or something. She said she doesn't. She gave Howard a fart sound effect thing as the gift.
Howard asked Paula how she got involved in doing the public access show. He asked her if she had to pay to do it. She said she didn't but she doesn't get paid to do it either. Howard said that she must have to put a lot of energy into it to do the show. He asked her if she does it just to be famous. Paula said that she made $5 million on cellular telephone licenses but she lost it all.
Howard asked Paula about the money and how she lost it all. Paula said that she got these licenses by the luck of a lottery draw when she bought the licenses down in Kentucky. She said that she got sucked on some other deals and lost her the money. She said that she invested in some things that lost all of that money. Howard asked her why she would reinvest it. Paula tried to explain it but Howard wasn't that familiar with what she was talking about.
Paula said that after taxes, the $5 million was only about 2 and a half so she invested about a million in a methane deal and some telecommunications deal in China and that didn't work. She started to explain how she lost the money and that led to her finding out the ''9/11 truth'' or something like that.
Howard said that he's been getting a lot of letters about Paula and he wanted to read those. Paula started to ramble about her friend Jenneba and how she had stopped talking to her for a year but her story made no sense to Howard or Robin. They had no clue what she was talking about.
Howard said that someone suggested that they not have her on but he wasn't able to find the letter. Howard asked Paula what she thinks happened on 9/11. She said that she thinks that we went to war because of cartoons.
Howard took a call from ''Rusty'' who was in tears. He said that he can't believe he's hearing her on radio for the first time in a year and a half. He asked her why she left. Howard hung up on her and then took a call from Sal who was pretending to be Jeff and talking dirty to her. Howard thanked him for that and hung up.
Howard read the e-mail he got about Paula and how she and her friends don't believe that planes actually hit the World Trade Center on 9/11. Howard said that it appears that people think she's nuts based on her theories.
Howard asked Paula what happened on 9/11. She said that she didn't see it that day because she was in India. Howard said that they have friends who saw it happen down on the street. Paula said that there were people in the big gash from the plane crash who were waving. She said that no one saw that on TV but there were people who saw it.
Paula said that she doesn't think that you can photoshop people waving in video. Howard said he had no idea what she was saying. Paula said that she's not sure what brought down the building. She said that this is not a conspiracy.
Howard asked Paula if planes hit the building. Paula said that she doesn't believe so. Artie asked her what made the buildings fall then. Fred asked why there's video of the planes crashing into the buildings. Paula thinks that they were cartoons. Paula said that a plane would crumple if it went into a building like that and it wouldn't come out the other side.
Howard asked Paula if she thinks we landed on the moon. She said that she doesn't believe so. She also said that the holocaust was something that concerned her greatly. She was all over the place and not really explaining her thoughts on all of that stuff. Artie asked her to explain to them how the buildings ended up falling on 9/11. She said that people can find out more about what she has to say at her web site PaulaGloria.com or RabbitHoleCentral.tv.
Howard said he was shocked to see that she has a decent body. She said that her body has gotten better since she embraced the ''no planes'' theory. She said that she's 56 years old now. She said that she's not really dating anyone at this point and she's got a lot of other things keeping her busy. Howard figured she had dried up. She said that she was married many times. She said that she first got married at 19 and then again when she was in her 20s.
Paula said that she got pregnant at one time but the guy she was with didn't want to have the kid. She was going on and on not making much sense again so Howard cut her off and tried to ask her some more straightforward questions. He asked her when she last had sex. She said she didn't want to be misunderstood this morning but Artie told her it was too late.
Paula said that she hasn't had sex since about 2000 or 2001. Then she remembered that she had sex one time and started chanting some mantras. She said that she was doing her Tantric mantras back then and started saying some stuff. She said that she has actually repeated some of those mantras a million times.
Paula was going on and on about another one of her crazy stories but Howard cut her off and took a phone call. It was Sal and/or Richard playing Mark the Bagger audio clips. They had him asking her about getting cum out of his cat's fur and stuff like that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Paula if she's got a hairy cunt like other hippies. Paula said that she shaved herself for one of her boyfriends and she did that for 7 years. She said that it wasn't very pleasant to be shaved down there. She said that she's now very hairy down there. She said that she doesn't like to go to places where she has to wear a bathing suit so she goes totally naked.
Howard asked Paula to take her top off now. She didn't want to do that unless he came on her show and took his bottom off. Howard asked if she'd be comfortable taking her top off in there. She started to ramble again so Howard tried to get her back on track.
Howard took a call from Hate Man (audio clips) who was telling Paula that he wanted to go down on her and lick her and go around with world with her. Paula said that it sounds like she has new callers.
Howard asked Paula if she wanted to meet Rusty since she's never met him before. She said she would like to meet him and she thought that she could pick him out of a line up if they had three guys in there. Howard played some of the calls that Richard made to her show before bringing in Richard.
Howard said that those guys really give her a hard time. Paula didn't seem to think it was that big of a deal. Howard asked Paula if she knew which one was Rusty. She said that she has seen some of the YouTube stuff and picked Richard right out of the line up. Richard was still calling himself Rusty. Sal was there too so she asked him some questions since he has made some prank calls to her show too.
Richard asked Paula if she stopped taking phone calls on her show because of them. She said that she had to stop because they gave her a daily show and they can't take calls before noon or something like that.
Paula said that Rusty and Sal have caused some problems with other public access shows because they're afraid to take calls now.
Howard asked Paula to explain this 9/11 theory of hers. She said that she doesn't believe that the buildings went down because of the planes but when Howard asked her what brought them down, she'd go off on a tangent and not explain it. She said that she's going to leave that to the experts to explain. Howard said that was very clear.
Richard asked Paula if she had ever done acid. She said that she did it twice in her life. Dominic Barbara called in and said that she sounds a lot like that Croy woman who used to come on the show. Howard said he was right about that.
Another caller asked Paula if she masturbates. Paula said that she does not do that but she used to. She said that she stopped when she learned to transcend, in her 20s. She said she learned how to do it at 7 and taught her brother.
Howard asked Paula why she doesn't make herself feel good by doing that. She said that she could never have an orgasm doing that herself. She had a one hour long orgasm one time but that was dependant on a penis. Howard kicked Richard and Sal out of the studio after they asked a couple of dopey questions.
A caller told Paula that he was a block away from the World Trade Center and he saw the second plane hit and they were definitely planes that entered the buildings. Paula said that this man is asking her to accept something but went into this explanation of this type of communication that she's into and how she can't believe this man because she does not know him. She also said that he may have seen something that he ''thinks'' he saw but may not have actually happened.
Howard said that he was very confused by Paula today. She was telling all kinds of wacky stories. Mariann from Brooklyn called in and told her that she's out of her mind but her voice was very soothing and nice to hear. Another caller asked her to talk dirty to him because her voice was kind of sexy. Paula didn't want to do that though. Artie threw out some lines for her to say but she didn't want to do that. The caller said he didn't even care what it was, he just wanted to hear her voice.
Howard gave Paula a plug for her show that's on Howard 101 tonight at 7pm. Paula will be taking phone calls and she's going to call the show ''Total Penetration'' instead of ''Farther Down the Rabbit Hole'' like they were going to call it. She said that she will be talking about the 9/11 stuff with people.
Howard asked Paula some more questions but he said he didn't understand any of the answers she was giving. He asked her if she has ever been in a mental institution. Paula said no to that.
Gary said that they just googled her and found pictures of her where she's got a Swastika above her. She went into another one of her explanations where she threw out this line ''Mantra and Yantra is Tantra...'' and then explained that the shape of the Swastika is equal to something... it made very little sense. Howard asked Robin if she knew anything after this interview. Robin laughed and said ''no.''
Howard took another call and a guy said that he had googled her and saw the Swastika above her head. She said that she doesn't support that and she likes the Jews. She said that most of the people she works with there in New York are Jewish.
Howard took a call from Crackhead Bob (audio clips again) who asked her some questions that she couldn't understand. Howard gave Paula some plugs and said that he really had no idea what they were talking about today. Paula went into another explanation about the plane crashes and said that there was one video where the plane came through the other side of the building with the nose intact. Howard said he still didn't know what they were talking about.
A caller said that he knows what Paula is talking about. He said that they have a theory that the planes were fake and it was just a way to take down the towers. Howard said that he knows a guy who is dead because of that stuff. Howard asked Paula who she thinks staged the buildings coming down. She said that it was a contractor that had very good PR that got the media to cover it the way they did. Howard gave Paula some more plugs and wrapped up with her and then went to break.
Howard had George on the phone a short time later. George said that he and Brad are going to get married. He said that they're planning their wedding now. He said that he wanted to call with the good news last week but he'd forgotten that they're off on Friday.
George said that they haven't decided if they're going to do a great big wedding where they embrace everyone or just a small one for family. He said that they're going through a bunch of things that they'd like to do and they have a lot of planning to do. He said that this is what they've been waiting for out there in California.
Howard said he had a suggestion for a wedding song and played his ''I'm Dreaming of a White Penis'' song parody that he recorded there. Howard told George they could do their first dance to that song. George laughed when Howard said that. Howard said they could have bit penises dropping from the ceiling during the song.
George said that he doesn't have to dream about it anymore. He said that he and Brad celebrated it on Sunday night now that they're not living in sin.
Howard said that he's excited about the wedding. He told him that he should wear assless chaps to the wedding. George said that they're going to do this in a dignified way but they will have their own styled of course. Howard said that he may give George a new dog as a wedding gift. George said that they might be ready for a new dog now.
Howard said he can imagine the first dance with this song playing. He played the ''Brad's Big Balls'' song parody that Sal and Richard had him record. George said that he may regret having recorded those songs.
George said that they're going through all of the plans for this wedding and they don't even know how they're going to march in and march out yet. They have a lot of options for how to do it though. They do know that they're going to go to South America for their Honeymoon. Artie asked if he could be George's maid of honor. George said that he will be one of the options on the list.
Artie said that he could sing an Anne Murray song for them at the wedding and gave George an example of what that would sound like. He sang her song ''I Just Fall In Love Again'' and threw in Brad and George's names. George told him he was fantastic and very gifted. Artie said he'd love to perform the song so his father can roll over in his grave over and over again.
Artie said that his father had an archaic way of thinking and this is how he wants to show that there should be a tolerance for them to get married. George said that he and Brad are very glad that they get to do this legally finally.
George told Artie that he and Nichele Nichols might make a great singing couple at the wedding. Artie seemed to be into doing it too. Howard told George that he might have Phoebe Snow perform a song at his wedding. Artie told George that there is a law about Asians marrying Whites so he and Brad may not be able to do that.
George said that they're going to go to Arizona and get a silver and turquoise wedding ring since Brad is from Arizona. Howard wrapped up with George and congratulated him on the wedding plans. Howard said that the sucking that's going to go on... He said that it's amazing to see that this is legal now and that gay men are allowed to get married.
George was saying that he and Brad may consummate their marriage with some ass play. Howard asked who the woman would be but George said that they would probably both be doing it and share the experience. Howard said that one of their listeners was predicting what the night would sound like. Howard then played a gay porn audio clip where a guy was beating another guy and making him call him ''sir'' and stuff like that.
Howard asked George who popped the question. George said that Brad beat him to it even though he was planning on doing it. Howard let George go a short time later.
Howard played a second interview that Gary did with her and Garver asked her some goofy questions that she answered with a laugh.
Howard wondered if this gay marriage thing means that Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman are going to marry now. Sarah said she wanted to hold off until the gays were allowed to get married.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she was reading an article about Kidd Chris getting fired from WYSP. Howard said he spoke to Chris on Sunday about that. He said that he had heard the song parody that Chris got fired over. He said that they apparently got a complaint letter and Viacom ended up firing them over it. Howard said that the song was done by a guest on the show and he sang this song about ''Schwoogies.'' Howard said that he had a clip of the song that he was fired over and he said it wasn't even funny. The song was to the tune of Blondie's ''Call Me.''
Howard said that they seemed to be having a good time there that day but they may have been laughing at how awful it was. Howard said he spoke to Chris about how he was doing and Chris was kind of upset about it. He said that they had just had him sign a new contract recently but now they're saying he was fired with cause and they may to not pay him.
Robin said that the song was played more than once and they do have a delay button there. They should have cut the song out if they felt it was going to cause problems.
Howard said that his theory is that they want to change formats and this is one way to cut costs. He said that Chris wasn't able to give him the details of what his contract is worth but from what he's heard from other people, they might be trying to cut some costs by getting him out of there.
Artie said that he thought Chris was doing really well down there in Philly. Robin said that she had only heard good things about him and how good he was doing down there. Howard said that this is going to give Chris that taint of being racists and it's going to be hard to shake it.
The woman on the phone said that they should bring him to SIRIUS. Howard said that he wanted Chris a couple of years ago that he was making a mistake staying in terrestrial radio. He said that he knew that he'd get fired eventually. He said that Chris thought he had to make a name in terrestrial radio first and then move to something like satellite. Howard said he really didn't have to though.
Howard said that he's not too friendly with radio guys but Chris is a good guy. He said that Bubba and Chris are the only guys in that line of work that he's really friendly with. He said that Booker is another one but he does a different kind of show.
Howard took a call from Wolfe who asked if he had the discussion with Beth over the weekend about the vasectomy. Howard said he chickened out. He said that he didn't want to upset her with that whole thing. He said that he just couldn't do it and he figured it would be a hostile move.
Artie said that when Dana got her bid dog after he told her he didn't like dogs, was a hostile move. that's probably how Beth would react if Howard brought up the vasectomy thing. Robin said that she thinks Howard would just go through with it if he really wanted to be sterile. Howard said that he would love it if someone could just snap their fingers and make him sterile.
Howard said he would love to be able to have sex with Beth without a rubber. He said he's never not done it without one with her. Robin said that he told a story one time about not using a rubber with a woman. Howard didn't want to get into that story.
Howard said that Mike Morse sent in a new song about Artie's black eye. He figured he should play it before Artie's eye was completely healed.
Howard said that this chick is the kind of shtick who guys just want to fuck really hard. He said she had the tiniest thong on and it made her look like such a girl. He told her that Artie could change her life if she married him. He said that Artie should marry her because there can't possibly be anything wrong with her. He said that she doesn't seem to have any personality problems as far as he could tell from the 3 seconds that he had spoken to her.
Miss Howard TV said that she dances at Rick's Cabaret down in Miami. Howard gave her some ''Wow!'' comments when he heard that. She said that Ronnie had found her down in Philly when she came up to dance there. She said that she dances down at Tootsie's in Miami now. Gracie said that guys cum in their pants all the time when she dances for them. Howard said he can see why. He said that her body is sick. She's just 25 years old and Howard told her that she's got another good 5 or 6 years in her.
Howard said that it must be tough to have guys coming on to her all the time. Gracie said that she dresses down and they still come on to her. Gracie said that she had a C-cup but had them bumped up to a D-cup. She said they were prettier before but she was young when she had them done. She showed them her boobs a short time later. Howard told her that she was perfect.
Artie said she was perfect too so Howard and Robin told him to propose to her. Artie said that he'd have to get to know her better first. He found out that she's dating someone. That led to her talking about how she had a friend of her go down on her one time. Gracie said that she had a friend at another club who she thought was kind of cute. Gracie said that she's not into girls that much but she did have this one girl go down on her.
Gracie said that she was only about 18 at the time and she was wearing short shorts. Gracie said that her friend may have come from the pool when they got down and did it. She said that they were just hanging out and chillin' while they were there at this house.
Howard asked Gracie if she thinks that planes actually didn't hit the buildings. She said that she does think that the buildings were taken down with explosives or something, not because of the planes. She thinks that the planes did hit the buildings but didn't take then down.
Howard got back to the friend that Gracie did it with. She told some more stories about how that all went down. Gracie said that she thinks the other girl was down there for about 15 minutes. She didn't orgasm though. Gracie said she was very nervous. She said that she did finger the other girl though. The other chick didn't orgasm either.
Gracie said she's never been with a black guy before. Robin told Artie that she really is perfect. Howard asked her if she's ever had two guys at the same time. She hasn't done that either. Howard was still talking about how great her body was.
Gracie said that she lost her virginity at 16 to a 21 year old. She said that the guy was really shy and introverted too. Gracie said that she isn't making as much money as she used to with the economy being as bad as it is. Howard said that she looked really good with the tan she had. Gracie told him that she's Jewish so he had her singing some of the Jewish stuff for him.
The Howard TV guys showed some video of Gracie dancing at the Rick's Cabaret down in Philly. Howard asked her if she was into Ronnie. She said that he was kind of cute and when she was asked if she would sleep with him, she didn't say no.
Howard told Gracie that he's not sure he could handle her because she's got such a great body. She talked about the guy that she's dating now and how he's got some baggage with his baby mama and stuff. She said she'll have to see how things go with him. Howard told him that Artie doesn't come with any of that baggage.
Howard said he had to get this chick out of there or else he won't be able to concentrate. He ended up asking her if she shits. She said that she has to admit that she does. She said that she makes sure that no one can smell it though.
Howard said he had a stripper dance for him one time and he caught a whiff of her ass and that was it for him. He said he couldn't think that she was hot anymore after that.
Howard thanked Gracie for coming in and was about to let her go but a caller said he's had a lap dance from her and Howard should give her a try now. Howard told her to dance for Artie but Artie said that would be a bad idea because he was wearing sweat pants. Artie said that he might have a boner already and she hadn't even started to dance for him.
Mike Gange asked if JD wanted a lap dance. Howard had him come in and Gracie went right into her dance for him. She was lifting up his shirt so he told her to get the fuck out. Howard asked JD if he was falling in love. JD said he wasn't. Gracie was getting down there and getting her tits in his face. Howard said it looked like he had a boner. JD told him it was just his pants and called him an asshole. Artie got a hard on and asked why he got one watching JD getting a dance.
Gracie said that she was once offered $10,000 to have sex with a guy. She turned him down. She said that she's had guys offer her a lot of different things like that. She can't do it though. Howard let her go a short time later.
Howard said that the new Indiana Jones movie was getting some great reviews. He said that it got 4 stars in one review. Robin said that there are some reviews that are just luke warm so they'll have to wait to see it.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked about that Paula chick and if he had met his match with her. Howard said that the woman just doesn't make any sense. He said that he wanted to know her theory on the whole 9/11 thing but he really didn't understand what she was saying. Howard said he's pretty sure that Sal and Richard will be calling her on her show tonight.
The caller said that he's been a fan of the show for a long time. He said that he's had some tumors removed and he always listens when he's recovering. The guys wished him luck with the tumor thing and then went to break.
Howard said that Evil Dave is apparently missing. Gary hasn't been able to get in touch with him. Will said that he was trying to book him for a segment and he called his job and he apparently doesn't work there anymore. He said he tired calling his girlfriend too but she's not returning calls or e-mails so he's not sure what's going on there. Artie said that you can let your imagination run wild with the theories about what's going on there.
Howard said that Blue Iris is sick again. He played a voice mail that she left for Richard. Blue was telling Richard that she's having surgery next week to have a tumor removed from her left ovary. She gave every detail of the size of the tumor and all of that. Howard said that she's always giving the details. He let it play some more and Blue talks about how they're going to pull it out through her belly button.
Howard said that she's a mess but he hopes that she's alright. He said that she's always talking about parts of her body that you don't want to hear about. He and Artie did their impressions of Blue and joked about all of this gross stuff she talks about.
Howard was making up even more stuff that Blue could call in about. He joked that she had a weasel living in her uterus and things like that. Robin tried to get in on that and said something about Blue's eggs being rotten or something.
Howard took a call from a guy who did his bad Blue Iris impression and then asked Howard what he thought about the latest Battlestar Galactica. Howard said that they're a little uneven this season. He said that last week's was good and he's hoping they're back on track. He said he still loves the show but he's a little disappointed in it. He said that some of the shows have seemed like they were just filler.
Howard hung up on that guy and another caller asked if anyone there collects Indiana Jones memorabilia. Howard said if there are, he'd fire them. Gary said that Ralph might.
Howard said that the only thing that he collects himself are guitars that he's gotten from people. Gary said that he heard from one of the guys that Ralph was trying to buy a Indiana Jones treasure chest. Howard had to hang up on the caller because he kept interrupting.
Howard said that he does collect old radios too but that's because Gary got him started on that. He also collects the awards the show has won over the years. He said that it's mostly personal stuff, not movie stuff or anything like that. Robin said she has a friend who has a whole ''Simpsons'' room. She said that he has everything Simpsons in the room and if you stay at his house, you have to sleep with that stuff around you.
Howard talked about how Daniel Carver's wife collects dolls and she keeps the black and white dolls segregated from one another.
Artie said that he has two interviews with some possible assistants coming up. He said he'll be meeting with them at his apartment and at a diner. Howard told him he might want to have them meet with someone else before he meets with them so they can weed out the creeps. Artie said that he might be right about that.
Steve said that they have a story about Artie's revelation about getting his dope down in Delaware and how upset a congressman is about that. Artie said that he wanted to say as little as possible about this guy as he can. He didn't want anyone figuring out who he was.
Steve said that they have a story about Paris Hilton and how she may be upset that Benjy got the most votes in her BFF contest. Steve went through a few more things as he was wrapping up. He got in some plugs for that Paula Gloria show and for Greg Fitzsimmons' show that airs tonight at Midnight.
Howard said that he's not sure if he's going to listen to Paula's show tonight. He said it might be kind of fun. Robin said she might not be able to listen because she's not hooked up in her new apartment yet. That led to Howard talking to her about the apartment that she rented in the city years ago. He said she put a lot of money into the place and she was only renting. Robin said that this time she bought so he has nothing to worry about.
Howard and Artie asked Robin if she's going to give Jim Florentine a key to her apartment. Robin said that she has no abode at this time. Howard told her that it's not necessary to give him a key at this time. Artie thought it would be nice if she did.
Howard had Jon Hein come in after that to give his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran down the list of things they were going to try and cover today. That led to the guys talking about Gracie and how she seemed to be kind of into Ronnie. Howard had Ronnie come in to talk about that and told him that he's not any better looking than he is. He said that's why they're kind of surprised that she was so into him. Ronnie said that he wasn't saying anything about that either.
Ronnie said that he never lies to the girls about owning the place or anything like that either. Howard asked Gracie to come back in so they could ask her about this.
Howard asked her to answer honestly and asked her if she thinks that Ronnie is like an important guy there at Rick's Cabaret when she see's him hanging out with Lonnie. She said that of course she does. Gracie said that she just said ''maybe'' she would have sex with him earlier. She said that she thinks he's cool though.
Howard asked Ronnie if he's a hypnotist or something. Ronnie said he's not. Gracie was saying that she thinks Ronnie is kind of cute. Howard and the guys asked Gracie who else she finds hot. She said that even Fred was okay. She said that she even liked Benjy. She seemed to like everyone. She said that she didn't know Artie very well and she'd have to get to know him better.
Gracie told Howard that he and Ronnie were the two best looking guys in there. She said that she'd do Mike Gange when they brought him up. She said that Jon Hein was okay too.
Howard let everyone go and then took some phone calls. A caller said that it must be great that Beth doesn't shit. Howard said that she can go for weeks without shitting. Fred said that can't be healthy and it's definitely not normal.
Howard and Fred talked about Beth's shitting for a short time. Howard said that she does eat so he's not sure what's going on there. Jon Hein wrapped up his Wrap Up Show preview a short time later.
Robin read some stories about Lance Armstrong possibly dating Kate Hudson and a couple of other things. Howard said that he heard about a web site where they do a wrestling thing and the winner gets to bang the loser. He said they may have those people in to talk about that.
Howard read some e-mail about Scott the Engineer's commentating on the Bowling Beauties show. That led to the guys goofing on Scott's suit that he was wearing in that show. Howard said that he was reading some mail from fans who don't care what time of the day they do the show. He said that maybe that would be an incentive to come back and do shows after the contract is up.
Robin read a story about Lindsay Lohan selling her birthday bash to someone who is willing to throw the party for her. It's basically a sponsorship from what Robin was reading. Howard talked about how Lindsay's mother won some award for being a great mom.
Howard read some e-mail about the William Shatner interview last week. He got a bunch of positive mail about that.
Robin read a story about Ashlee Simpson getting married to Pete Wentz. She had no idea who Pete was until the guys told her he was from the band Fall Out Boy. Robin said she likes their music.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he knew some of the girls at Scores who were very glad when Ronnie left. He said that they didn't like him being there at the club and ordering them around. The caller also said that he liked the Ralph special last week.
Ronnie came in all pissed off at the caller. Ronnie said that he never ordered anyone around and asked who the fuck the guy was. Ronnie said that the caller didn't know what he was talking about.
Howard had some audio of Ronnie ordering someone around. It was a prank call Sal and Richard made using Ronnie clips. They spent a few more minutes with Ronnie before Robin got back to her news.
Robin read a story about Ted Kennedy's seizures so that led to Howard, Fred and Artie doing their Kennedy impressions. They spent a few minutes doing that while Robin was trying to get through her story. Robin had some clips of Barack Obama talking about Kennedy. Howard and the guys kept interrupting and with their Kennedy impressions though.
Robin read through some stories about Mike Huckabee's comments about Barack Obama, John McCain on Saturday Night Live and more. She had one story about a woman who is trying to battle the sex trade. That led to Artie talking about going to whores and how he doesn't see it as a problem. He said that they should feel bad for him and there's nothing that this woman could tell him that would stop him.
Robin read a story about the Preakness horse race that was run over the weekend. She also talked about how she learned that many of these race horses are sold to slaughterhouses to be used as food over in Europe. She said that she wasn't aware of that and she and Beth are now talking about it and trying to find places where the horses can go once they retire. Robin said that even the winners can be sold to be used as food.
Robin said that the horses are sold for a couple hundred dollars and she was heart broken when she heard about that. Artie told her that she should try the new McHorse sandwich though. Robin told him that he was being horrible.
Robin read that the movie ''Iron Man'' was knocked off the top of box office charts by the return of the Chronicles or Narnia movie. She wrapped up a short time later and Howard ended the show around 10:35am.
Richard said that she did mention that she did acid twice so he's wondering if that's where that came from. Jon talked about how much trouble Howard was having following that stuff. Gary said that even Benjy gives clearer answers than she was. He said that Howard was trying to get an answer out of her and it wasn't working.
Benjy said he had a tough time trying to follow her. He said that he isn't sure that she even ever had the $5 million she was talking about. Jon and the guys talked about all of the stuff she was trying to explain and how it all got thrown off the table by Howard.
Jon talked about the 9/11 conspiracy theory that Paula had and how that really can upset some people because they saw it happen right there in the city. Gary said that he thinks that it might be more ignorance than malice. He said that she was saying that they made the cartoon of the plane going in but she also said that it was impossible to put people waiving in the windows. He said it didn't all make that much sense.
Jon played a clip of Paula talking about her theories. After that Benjy was talking about how there are a lot of theories out there about 9/11. Richard said that there are people out there who have other theories and they argue with the other conspiracy theories.
Gary said that they were there in the city that day and they know that people died and it is what it is. He said that he hears these conspiracy theories all the time.
Richard asked who they think is crazier, Riley Martin or Paula. Gary said he thinks that Riley is more of a snake oil salesman than Paula is so she'd be the crazier one. JD said he thinks that she's crazy too. JD didn't have anything else to add to that.
Jon asked JD if he enjoyed the lap dance. JD said that he would have liked to have enjoyed it but it was tough. Gary said that he's had people come in and marvel at JD because he is that person that they hear on the radio.
Jon asked if Ronnie was the one who brought this girl in and she seemed to like Ronnie quite a bit. JD laughed and said that they looked odd dancing together in that video they saw. While they were talking about that Ronnie and Gracie were all coming into the studio. Jon said they'd get them in there and find out how she was chosen.
Jon asked Ronnie how he managed to pick this girl. Ronnie said that they went through a whole contest there and picked her out of the group. Ronnie went off on JD for making fun of him and ended up yelling at him for not being able to get a hard on. Ronnie told JD that he's got major issues.
Gary said that Gracie had to wear a robe while she came in there because she's not allowed to wear a bikini out in the halls there.
Ronnie said that the contest they held was a unanimous decision for Gracie. Mike Gange said that they really did do it that way and everyone loved her.
Gracie said that Ronnie is really cool and respectful so that's why she likes him. Ronnie said that he treats all of the girls like that and doesn't order them around or anything. Gracie said that it was kind of amusing when he was yelling at JD.
Ronnie and the guys were going back and forth on whether or not Ronnie was on some kind of power trip. Ronnie said that he's not on a power trip but some girls like to be spoken to harshly. He said he doesn't enjoy yelling at women though. He said that in those clips earlier in the show he was just joking around.
Mike Gange said that he thinks that Ronnie does like to boss them around but he's not trying to be an asshole, that's just him. Gracie said that it must be frustrating when you're dealing with a lot of girls. Ronnie agreed with her on that and said that he does have to get a little loud with them sometimes.
Ronnie said that he has gone to other clubs and hasn't yelled at anyone. He said he wasn't yelling now but Gary said that some people might see it as if he was yelling.
Jon took some phone calls and let some people go off on JD about his boner thing. Gary asked Gracie if she feels bad when someone doesn't get excited for her. She said that it would be a bad thing if she wasn't in the studio with all of the cameras on JD. She said that she would cry if the guy didn't get excited in the club.
Jon took some more calls and one guy told Ronnie not to listen to these guys. Ronnie said that they're all jealous and they wish that they were in his spot. Ronnie said that no one else there at the show is jealous but the callers are. Benjy said that he thinks he's jealous of Ronnie.
Gary asked Benjy about the thing he's got going with the DialADancer.com thing that he plugs every day. Benjy said that he plugs it because he can. He said that he used to do some dancing himself but he hasn't done that in a really long time. He said that he hasn't gotten hired for that stuff lately. Richard asked him if he gets paid for the plugs. Benjy said that he does, it's just a flat rate. He said you can get strippers and hire him too if you want.
Gracie asked to see Benjy dance. Benjy just laughed. He said he's not even sure what they'd charge to hire him. Ronnie got in a plug for Gracie and said that she'll be dancing at Rick's Cabaret tonight there in New York City. She usually dances at Tootsie's in Miami.
Gary asked Gracie about some stuff that she was seeing as far as people's shockra. She was talking about Gary's color and saw that Teddy was probably the one there who was in the most pain.
Ronnie had to take Gracie back to do her photo shoot. Gary said that he thinks the whole shockra thing is what you get caught up in when you're at a strip club. He said that you buy into it during the dances but then you want to hide and not hear more about it. He said that he just runs off to the bathroom and tries to get out of it.
Jon asked JD what was going on with him and Ronnie there. JD said that he's not sure what's going on there. Richard said that it's really hard to read Ronnie because he seems mad but then he'll start laughing. JD said that he's not sure what that's about and he didn't want to get into it.
A caller asked JD if he appreciated him getting him that dance earlier. JD said that he did enjoy it and that chick was rubbing just about every part of her body on him. Benjy asked the guy if the strippers will use their hand on you. The guy said that there are some clubs where they will do stuff like that. Gary cut him off because he didn't want to hear about anything that shouldn't be going on.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that she's watched many hours of these conspiracy theories and she thinks that there are some interesting things that they bring up in those theories. She said that a building has never collapsed after being hit by an airplane. Gary asked her some questions about that and pointed out that the planes were going very fast and had full fuel tanks so no other planes have ever hit buildings like that. They went back and forth on that for a few minutes.
Gary told the woman that he doesn't buy any of that stuff. Benjy told the woman that he's part of a group that believes that the building is still standing and if you're not under mass hypnosis, you will see them there. Benjy said he'd like to try to get her down there sometime.
Jon let her go and said that kind of thinking really pisses him off. Gary said that he thinks that some people have to feel like they can't believe in stuff like that. He said that if she told him that she didn't believe that the towers collapsed because of the planes right before surgery, he'd day ''next please!''
Ralph called in and said that he felt like that woman was really dumb and it's really insulting to hear people talking like that. That led to Jon asking Ralph about going to Burning Man because Paula Gloria had brought hat up earlier.
Ralph said that you go to Burning Man to get high for a few days. At the end of it they have this giant wooden man that they light on fire. He said that it was kind of funny out there this year that about 2 days before they were supposed to light it on fire, someone caught it on fire and ended up getting arrested. Ralph said that he was going to go out there with some people but he didn't want to get trapped out there. He didn't want to say who it was but Gary said he could imagine who it was and he'd love to hear the stories.
Gary asked Ralph if he's an Indiana Jones collector of any type. Ralph said that he kind of is but he's not all that much into it. Gary said that Howard was saying earlier that he wouldn't be friends with anyone who would collect that stuff. Ralph just laughed. He spent another few seconds on that before Jon had to go to break.
Gary asked if there was a lot of hooking up out there. The guy said that there is some of that but there are no showers out there so it's kind of dirty. The guy also brought up a movie called Zeitgeist that tied the conspiracy theories all together.
Ralph was back on the line and said he wanted to know if that guy who was on the line had gotten dressed up and in a costume out there at Burning Man. He said that it's really like a giant ecstasy party out there.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that Richard always answers his e-mail and went on and on about how cool he is to do that. The guy also wanted to know if Iron Sheik had attacked Beetlejuice before or after the comedy show they were doing. Richard said that it was before. The caller also wanted to know if Paula Gloria and Gracie were related because they both had conspiracy theories. The guys talked about how the hot chick is easier to listen to with those conspiracy theories.
A caller said that he predicted back in November that the Giants were going to sweep it and win the season. He was also asking what's going to happen with Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah after this whole same sex marriage thing became legal. The guys weren't sure but said that Howard did mention it.
The caller asked Gary some football questions so Gary gave his thoughts on the Giants for this season. He said he's not sure they'll be able to repeat what they did last season. The guys spent a few minutes talking football before Jon moved on to some more stuff.
Jon played a clip of George talking about the marriage. They talked about that a little bit and then Jon took some more calls.
One caller talked about how wacky that Paula chick was. He was also talking about Ronnie and how he seems to like to strong arm the girls. He said that he might not be yelling at them but he does strong arm them. Gary said that the one time he was telling one of the strippers she had to get naked was kind of creepy for them.
Jon took another call from a guy who also said that Paula was a nut case. He said that he knows for a fact that the plane did not hit the Pentagon. He said he has proof about that. Gary asked him for the proof. The guy said that the people at the gas station all reported it as coming from the north and that means that it wouldn't have taken down the light poles that were taken down. Gary asked why they would blow it up then. The guy said that it was all a deception and it was done to create a permanent war.
A cop called in and said that giving these jerk offs the forum to give their wacky conspiracy theories is kind of nuts. He said that they can't keep responding to this crap.
The other caller, Craig, said that he can prove to this guy that it was a set up and he has first hand witnesses who can back it up. Gary said that what he has isn't proof if there are other people out there who did see what happened. That guy went on and on saying that he has 10 people who will back up this evidence. Gary said that the reason he was letting this guy stay on because he sounds so manic that it makes him sound even nuttier.
Benjy asked the guy if he believes that the WWE is fake or not because there are theories that it's fake. The guy got pissed at Benjy and told him he doesn't need his shtick. He plugged his web site (ThePentaCon.com) one too many times so Jon had to ask him to stop doing that.
Gary asked Craig why he should believe the evidence that he has. Craig said that it's because he went out and did the interviews. Ralph called in and asked Craig why he's doing this and what he thinks he's going to accomplish with it. Craig said that we can't ignore all of this. He said that we have a permanent global war and we can't ignore it and move on when there's this deception that is going on and on.
Gary said that this guy thinks that he's a structural engineer all of a sudden. Craig said that he's not claiming that he is one but he has interviewed some real structural engineers and they all agree that it was staged.
Jon told Craig to call Paula Gloria tonight at 7 on Howard 101 and talk to her about this stuff. Jon let him go and said that this was really stirring up stuff with people and he was getting a lot of calls from cops and people like that. Gary said that he let the guy go on like that because he thinks it shows just how nutty they are when they can go on and on the way they do.
Gary got in a plug for a charity event he's doing tonight. He mentioned that a bunch of the guys from The Sopranos will be there. That led to them talking about some of those guys. You can find out more about it at HDSA.org
A caller brought up the Pentagon thing and asked where all of those people are who were on the planes that crashed. The guys said that some people say that they're begin held in some military base somewhere. Gary said that he's heard lots of conspiracy theories about stuff like that and the stories always come from a friend of a friend.
Jon asked if they had heard from Evil Dave yet. Gary said that they hadn't. Richard said he was surprised because he hears from him pretty often. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started off the show talking about some of the anger on the channels there yesterday. He said he'd get to that later. He welcomed everyone to the show and Fred threw in some of Robin's strange sounds that he had in his system.
Howard said that he was thinking about the differences between terrestrial radio and satellite. He said if he were Kidd Chris he'd be really pissed about being fired over that song parody he played. He said that his bosses condoned the song all day that day he played it but then they fire him months later. He said that they turn around and fire him and now they're trying to get out of paying him what they owe him. He said there's no point in signing a contract when it comes to that kind of thing. He said they have a way out of it no matter what.
Howard said that you can take them to court but that will cost you a lot of money too. Howard said he's going to call on all performers to demand that all money that is required to be paid in a contract be put into escrow. Robin told him that will never happen because companies aren't going to put money aside like that when they could be putting it into their company.
Howard said that those companies do have the money to pay for stuff like that. All of the radio companies are big companies these days.
Howard said that these contracts are useless. Robin said that even if the money was in escrow, you'd still have to fight it out in court. Howard said that he thinks that the money should go right to the person that it's owed to. He said that they have a delay button on these radio stations and if the stations let something out on the air then everyone should be fired as well.
Howard said he heard that there's a new rock station in the city. He said he heard that Matt Pinfield is the new morning man and he's all excited that he's going to get to play some rock songs. He was reading some stuff about Matt getting all exited about that and he was talking about the old Clash albums and how cool it will be to hear that stuff.
Howard read some articles about Matt Pinfield practicing getting up early in the morning to go do the show. Howard said the guy is a really nice guy and he's really into rock. He said he's heard that he knows rock so well that he could probably beat just about anyone in a trivia contest.
Howard asked the guys if they removed the compression from his microphone because he feels very ''decompressed.'' Scott came in and said that he didn't make any changes. He showed Howard that they have glass over the adjustments there and they didn't change anything. Scott made some changes and fixed him up the way he wanted. Howard said that someone had to have changed it because he was hearing the difference.
Howard wanted to start the show over again after that. He got back to the Matt Pinfield article and read through the rest of that. He was reading about how Pinfield is thinking that he knows what people are going to want to hear. Howard said that he knows a lot of people who think that they know what everyone else wants to hear and the stations end up tanking.
Howard read about how Pinfield claims that music is the most important thing in his life other than his loved ones. Howard predicted that the station is going to tank and they will eventually end up playing album cuts just like every other station does. Then Matt will get mad and he'll end up getting fired and not paid.
Howard read some more stuff about Matt and how he started his career back in college. Howard said that you don't call that starting your career because anyone can get a show on college radio if you go to the college. Howard talked about how he was on his college radio station and they were barely on radio. He said that they were on something called carrier current and it was more like being on a walkie talkie than on radio.
Jason came in and said that he went to Rutgers, like Matt Pinfield, and it really was no big deal being on radio there. He said that there were about 3 people that listened. He said the school is good but being on radio is no big deal. He said that he didn't know about Pinfield's show because he's older than him.
Jason got fired from his college radio station. Jason said that he didn't think they were promoting it enough so he blasted them. He said that he told people that it was a piece of shit station and stuff like that. Howard told Jason that if you're in college you should stick to what you're doing and not try to be the rebel. Jason said he wanted to do a show like Howard's and that was that. Howard told him to get out of there after that.
Howard said that Jason was just trying to be like him. He said he shouldn't just go on an blast the station like that even though that's probably what he would do himself.
Howard got back to the Matt Pinfield story and read through more of that. He was reading about Pinfield talking about what he'll be able to play on his show. That led to Howard doing some intros for some songs that Matt might play on his show.
Howard asked what happened to The Clash. Artie said that they broke up and one of the guys died. He said they had a lot of problems with their band. He said he had seen a documentary on the band and told Howard some of the details. Artie said they were a great group but Howard said he never got into them. Howard said it seemed like it was all contrived.
Artie said that The Clash was huge back when he was in school. They ended up fucking it up and didn't stay together. Howard said that they were full of that fake anger. He went off on them a little bit. Artie went on to give Howard more details about what they were doing when they were growing up. He mentioned that they were squatters and living in old, broken down houses. Howard said that they were squatters just like Siobhan the transsexual.
Gary said that he thinks that he's pointing a finger at him and it's not fair. Howard said that it was fouler than Gary's usual breath. Gary said that he's not smoking anymore so it's not that. Howard said that he knows that it was Gary and not someone else. He said that Richard sits on the other side of the room so it can't be him. It could have been Will or Jason but Howard doesn't think it was either of them. He said that he thinks that it had to be Gary. He said that it was the worst thing he had ever smelled in his life.
Howard saw Sal out by Gary brushing his teeth with shit on camera. He said that Gary's teeth probably have some plaque on them. He said that his teeth probably dry out and it gets all stinky.
Wolfe was talking about how it must be hard to concentrate when that stuff is going on. Gary went off on Wolfe telling him he was a nobody and he wasn't helping him out at all. Wolfe claimed he was just trying to help him out but that was just pissing him off.
Howard said that it had to have been Gary but Gary said it could have been someone else and he had no proof. Wolfe said that Gary seemed to be getting hostile over this. Gary told Wolfe to come in and they'll pick apart his flaws. Howard said that Gary has a whole dental drawer in the bathroom there and so he can Water Pik his teeth and stuff. Gary said that all he has is a toothbrush and mouthwash. He said he had the Water Pik there but he brought it home.
Howard said that Mary has him doing so many chores that he has no time to Water Pik his teeth. Gary told him to stop with that. He said that's not the case at all. Wolfe suggested that he break his teeth down to quadrants and do some of them at different times of the day.
Howard joked that Gary's Water Pik hose was the size of a fire hose. He had some fun goofing on Gary about that for a short time. Howard said they have their meeting today and he's thinking of wearing a gas mask.
Gary said that he could sit there in his office and do the meeting from there. Howard said that might work. The guys talked about everyone else that it could have been. Gary said that he thinks he knows who it could have been but he's not going to embarrass them. Howard asked if it was Jon Hein. Gary said it wasn't Jon. Artie said it would be great if that's who it was.
Howard said that he knows guys who have bad breath and he's not sure how their wives deal with it. He figures they must be immune to it.
Gary said that he's never been told by a woman that he has bad breath. Gary said that it's not a habitual thing. The Howard TV guys did a close up on Gary and no one knew where that came from. Gary seemed to get a little upset about that.
Howard told Richard to smell Gary's breath and let him know if it stinks. Richard smelled it and started to gag. Richard said he was just kidding and said that it was bad but not all that bad. He said it was like an old closet and kind of musty.
Gary was saying that Howard has Fred sitting right behind him during those meetings. Howard said that he was at least 10 feet away. Gary said that it was more like 4 feet. They measured and it was more like 7 feet. Howard said he was closer to the distance than Gary was. Howard was still blaming Gary for the stink breath. Wolfe said this was like the Kennedy assassination and wondered if there's a grassy knoll in there somewhere. Gary told him he'll never know because he's never going to be invited up there.
Howard said that he smells the shitty breath only when Gary is talking so it has to be him. Gary said that he just has that in his crazy mind that it's him. He said that someone could have had dog shit on their shoes. Howard said that it was 2 weeks in a row. Gary said that there was no smell before that so he's wondering why that would change. Howard said that he's just telling him that he's had a bad experience at the meetings for 2 weeks in a row.
Wolfe asked Gary if he had been diagnosed with halitosis. Howard said that maybe it's Dan the Song Parody Man because he just started coming back to the meetings. Howard said that he did kind of creep up close to him during the meetings. Gary said that they set up a line on the floor and it appears that he's moving his seat up to about 8 feet during the meeting trying to get closer to Howard.
Gary said that he must not know that they're watching him. Howard said that Dan really has to cut off that pony tail. He said it's looking really odd. Howard said that he's kind of scared of that guy because of the gifts that he gives him. He said that he always gives him a knife and it's like a big killing knife. Howard said that he actually uses the knives for opening boxes and stuff.
Howard told Gary he doesn't know that it's definitely his breath. Then he played a song parody about Gary's breath to the tune of ''Rocky Mountain High.'' Artie said that the words didn't even rhyme and started laughing. Howard told Gary to just use some mouthwash and the Water Pik.
Howard said that his radio was broken in his apartment so he wasn't able to hear it. Tim Sabean called him and told him how nuts the show turned out to be. Howard went on to explain how they found that Paula Gloria chick on her Public Access show. Howard said that all of the people on the show were all 9/11 conspiracy theorists and they were all arguing.
Artie said that chick scares him and he's afraid that she's what he's going to see before he goes into hell or something. Howard said he had some clips to play from that show.
Howard played a clip from the show where the people were arguing about the 9/11 stuff and yelling at each other. Some of the guys were telling the others to shut up but no one was shutting up and they were all talking over each other.
Bob Levy called into Paula's show and told her that she was out of her mind and asked her to explain what really happened if the planes didn't hit the buildings.
Robin said that she loved the show. Howard said that was a highlight of the show because much of it was really boring. Howard said that he guy Niko was the best on the show. He was yelling and cursing people out during the show.
Howard played another clip where this guy Niko was going on and on explaining the 9/11 stuff. Artie was laughing his ass off when he'd hear him with his accent and nutty explanations. Paula was trying to keep control of the show. Then she took a call from a guy who claimed to be a graphic artist for the fake plane crashes that Paula has talked about. Some of the guys didn't believe it and asked him to talk more about that. The caller said he wasn't kidding and said that the whole 9/11 thing was a practical joke that got out of hand. Paula then asked him to join them at some event they were going to be attending.
Howard pointed out that Paula was inviting someone who had just claimed to be the mastermind behind 9/11 to an event.
Howard said that Jeff the Drunk called into that show at one point. He played that clip where Jeff started yelling at everyone to get the hell out of there. One guy on the show was talking about Mayor Bloomberg having blown some guys. Robin said that this show could be called ''Live from Bellvue'' with the people they have on that show.
In another clip a caller threw in a bunch of names from the show. That led to one of the women on the show talking about how the 9/11 stuff was made of cartoons and that's what they were showing on TV that morning. She sounded very similar to Paula with her delivery. Howard asked what was going on in her mouth. He and the guys goofed on that chick a little bit.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he really didn't understand this woman. He said he kind of gets Riley Martin's stuff but not this Paula chick's stuff. He said that he wouldn't want to hear another show with her on it. Howard took another call from a guy who said that he had just spit his coffee on his dash and he was laughing his ass off at the whole thing.
Howard said that he thinks that they were in great form last night because they were getting real calls. He thinks that they were all worked up that they were getting heard on a real show instead of public access. Artie was doing an impression of that guy Niko and goofing on him a little bit. Artie said he thinks that they should have a Niko 101 and a Niko 102 channel there.
Howard goofed on the one woman who had a bit of a speech impediment. He and Artie were going back and forth with that stuff for a little while. Robin said she loved that show. Artie said he wants to hear the whole thing now that he's heard this.
Howard asked Tim what the phone calls were like to the show. Tim came in a short time later and said that the phones were lit up during the whole show. He said they're thinking about having her back in to do another show. He said that she had about 5 people with her on the show and a bunch of other people who were doing stuff behind the scenes.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that his girlfriend had stinky breath like Gary. He wasn't getting to his point so Howard was about to hang up on him. The guy went on and on about that and then brought up Imus and an interview he was watching. Howard cut him off because the guy really didn't have much of a point.
Howard said that someone sent him an article about a pedophile where they accidentally put in a picture of Imus. He thought that was great. Artie said that it was probably a fan of Howard's who did that.
Howard read through some tabloid stories and had one about Star Jones hiring a private investigator to look into Al Reynolds past to find some dirt on him. That led to Artie talking about how Star Jones was out at the Cannes film festival and this show was following her around like she was an Academy Award winner or something.
Howard said that he's really upset that this Dina Lohan chick is getting her own reality TV show. He said that she so wants to be a star and she wouldn't be one without her daughter. He said that she's just a wacky person and it's kind of bothering him that she's getting her own show. Howard said that it really bothers him that Denise Richards has her own reality show now too.
Howard said that he was out to eat one night and some tough guy came up to him and told him that he should come over and say hello to Dina Lohan. Howard said he just sat there because he had no desire to get up and go say hello to someone like that. He said that if she wanted to say hi to him then she should have come over to him.
Artie said that he saw a promo for that show and he noticed the fake smile on the son's face. He said he hopes that he's okay.
Howard said that tonight is the last episode for American Idol this season. He said that they don't even put on the most interesting part of the show which is this kid David's father who had to be kicked off of the show because of the way he was treating his son. Artie said that they should just take the kid away from him now.
Artie said that he got paid really well for 3 hours of work. It was more than 20 grand but less than 50. He didn't seem to want to say exactly what it was. Artie eventually broke down and said that it was 30 grand for an hour and a half. Artie said that he thinks he plays one of the lead characters in the game.
Howard said that he saw the name Larry in the newspaper and that made him think of the video game. He said that he wasn't all that into it back when it was popular though. Artie didn't know much about the game either and said that he did play an obnoxious guy so maybe he was Larry himself. The game is due out on September 18th.
Howard had a bunch of clips of Denise talking to Larry King. He played one where Denise was talking about how she didn't steal Richie Sambora from Heather Locklear who was her friend at the time. Howard went off on her about those comments because she sounded kind of wacky talking about that.
Howard played some more clips of Denise and goofed on her about her comments. He was talking about how she shouldn't be putting her little kids on TV like that. Denise was claiming that the kids were unaware of the cameras while they were rolling. She said she hopes that people will watch and make a decision from there. She said she knows that people think that her kids are being exploited.
Howard said that the judge who allowed Denise to put her kids on TV must have figured that they were already doomed being Charlie Sheen's kids. Howard played some more clips and continued to make fun of everything Denise was saying.
Howard played one clip where Denise was talking about how she believes in vaccinating her kids while Charlie doesn't. She said that Charlie believes that they're poisonous. She said that Charlie is like a stranger to her now and she doesn't know this person anymore even though she had children with him. Howard said that he had to take a break after that.
Howard said that there was a story about Michelle Obama hesitating when she was asked if she would support Clinton if her husband didn't get the nomination. He said that Geraldine Ferrarra was wondering about that.
Howard said that Lisa G was coming in with her Howard 100 News preview. Lisa came in and said that Artie is going to be playing the character of Big Al in the Leisure Suit Larry game. She said that she didn't know who was going to be playing Larry but she did know that Artie was playing Al.
Lisa also said that Lisa Lampanelli played to a packed house at Carnegie Hall on Saturday night. She said she spoke to Lisa's mom and has some stories about that.
Lisa said that Gary was a guest host of the Mets Weekly TV show. She said that they were there at the stadium when Gary was there and the show is going to air this weekend on SNY. Lisa said that they have an update on Artie's book and how that's coming along. She said that the stories that Artie has are very detailed and they have a deadline of June 1st to get it done.
Howard said he called Kenneth Keith Kallenbach's mom and it was really tough to talk to her. He said that she's really distraught about losing her son. He said that he can't even get into the whole story because of the legalities involved. Robin said she was proud of Howard for doing that.
Howard and the guys went back and forth with the phone thing for a minute. Howard said that he had a schedule to get to but he told the guy to get on another phone because it would probably be with it.
Mike got off the phone and went to try and find a better one. Howard said that he could have lowered their mics and raised up his volume. He really didn't want to do that though.
Howard said that he got a call from Kid Rock the other night to come out to his show but he left out one digit to his phone number so he wasn't able to call him back. He said that he heard that Kid did a 4 hour show with some other bands.
Howard said he got a CD from this guy Tim Curtain who used to be in Pig Vomit and he wants to be his wedding band. Howard said that they went out and did a ton of shows with Pig Vomit back in the early K-Rock days. They were going out to a ton of local clubs doing shows back then. He said that those shows that they were doing were really bad. He said that it wasn't like the show, it was just stuff that he had to do to kill time. He said he was doing magic tricks and crap like that.
Artie said he knows people who saw some of those shows and they loved them. Howard said that they did do some fun shows and there was one where they did some song parodies and stuff and had a lot of fun. He said he tried to make it fun but it wasn't all that easy.
Howard thought he had Mike back on the phone but the guy got on and asked Howard if he sucks cock. It wasn't he right Mike. Howard spent a short time talking about his upcoming wedding and how he has Phoebe Snow coming to perform song at the wedding.
Howard said that this wedding is turning into a big thing that he didn't expect. He said that he didn't know he was going to have a musical performance. He also said that he just wants to get the party over with and out of there by 9pm. He said that he'll probably be the first one to leave the party. He said that he'll let other people stay until Midnight if they want. He said he really doesn't want a whole production though.
Artie said he can't wait for the wedding because this is going to get him laid, he's pretty sure. Howard said that he's not going to be going on a honeymoon or anything. He said he's already been on his honeymoon.
Robin said that Howard has a lot of stuff in his head. Howard said he knows that and that's why he's going to be going to the shrink today to try and get some help. Robin asked Howard if he thinks that Bubba was all uptight about his wedding. Howard said that Bubba isn't neurotic so he wasn't worried about anything.
Howard said that Ross' wife Melissa was the one who asked about musical entertainment at the wedding and that's how all of that got started. She planted the seed in Beth's head. That led to Fred playing some clips of a woman singing Baba Booey opera songs. The guys were talking about how great those were and how they should create a whole show based on that.
They kept playing the opera songs and Howard said that they should have that exact line up of songs. Artie said that he'd be willing to get all dressed up for something like that if they had a real opera show.
Howard asked Mike why he didn't go to the press immediately and turn him in. mike said that's a good question. He went on to explain how dark and depressed OJ was back then and he was pretty sure that OJ didn't know that he had done it because he was on some pills and stuff back then. Mike went on to say that he really did have a dark side and joked about Nicole's death.
Howard said that in the book Mike says that OJ told him that Nicole answered her door with a knife in her hand and that was the knife that was used to kill her. Mike said that they never thought that it was OJ's fault because Nicole was the one who was aggressive and was verbally abusive.
Mike said that there was also an issue between OJ and Marcus Allen who was apparently having sex with Nicole at the time.
Howard said that mike was the guy who came up with the idea to have OJ stop taking his arthritis meds so the gloves wouldn't fit when they had him try them on. Mike said that he was telling OJ how to act when he tried the gloves on and how to react to them not fitting. He said that the gloves had Nicole's blood on them and if he didn't act the right way, the jury was going to react to that and find him guilty.
Mike said that he had OJ doing that and acting the way he did. He claims he didn't know that Johnny Cochran was going to say that infamous line about ''If the glove doesn't fit, you must acquit.'' Mike said that they could have made that glove not even fit a 5 year old if they held their hand the right way.
Howard said that there are people who are claiming that Mike is lying about all of this and that he's a delusional drug addict who just needs money. Mike said that the guy who is saying that is a guy who is representing OJ. Mike claims that the last two times he was offered coke, it was OJ who offered it to him. He made some accusations about OJ and said that he does owe some money to the IRS but it's only about 10 grand and he's been paying it off.
Mike said that he had a big desk calendar where he kept track of all of this stuff. He said that OJ was telling him that he should be writing it down for him so that's what he did.
Howard said that Mike and some other people had to help OJ out getting money because anything he makes he has to give to the Goldman's. Mike was paying OJ in cash so he could hide that from the Goldman's.
Howard asked Mike about OJ's autograph going up in value right after the murders. Mike said that they quadrupled in value after that. Mike said that they were signing autographs until the night of the verdict and he was there with OJ when he got out of jail.
Mike said that he was the one who had a lot of the OJ memorabilia that OJ went in trying to find out in Vegas. Howard read some stuff from Mike's book about how OJ had gone to kill himself at Nicole's grave sight with AC Cowling. He claims that he pulled the trigger of a gun but the gun didn't go off.
Howard was going to let Mike go after that but Mike went on to say that OJ really doesn't care about this killing and he doesn't feel anything after doing it. Mike told some more stories about OJ and the way he would talk about his daughter being too much like her mother and things like that.
Howard asked Mike if the book is selling well. He said that it is. Howard gave him a plug for the book which is called ''How I Helped O.J. Get Away With Murder: The Shocking Inside Story of Violence, Loyalty, Regret, and Remorse.''
Artie talked about how it sounded like the jurors were going to vote him innocent no matter what. Howard let Mike go a short time later.
Howard said he had some Eric the Midget clips to play from his last Idol show. He said he hadn't heard any of the clips yet but they're always good. The first clip was of Eric trying to figure out the theme for that American Idol. In the clip Eric's co-host Gina introduces him and Eric just says a quick ''hello'' as he's watching Idol.
Howard said that it seems like they're just irritating Eric and maybe they should hold off and do a post-show wrap up instead of trying to watch it with Eric. Eric was talking to his co-hosts about the lighting in his room and asking if he needed more. Howard asked the guys what they thought about that. Robin said it was like death. Howard said that this time it was so bad that it was bad. Sometimes it can be so bad it's good but this one was just bad.
JD said that now they know what he has to deal with. He told Howard to play the best clip which was Eric having some throat problems. Howard played that clip and Eric was trying to clear his throat. King and Gina, his co-hosts, were asking him if he was okay and joking about the problems he was having. Eric was coughing and trying to clear it up.
Howard played a couple of various audio clips with some Baba Booey references which included the Letterman clip.
Eric also brought up the bad breath thing again. He said that's called the Zagneys because it's when your mouth smells ''Zagney'' like your asshole. Howard tried to take another call but the guy wasn't saying much of anything. The guy went on to say that Eric the Midget's show sucks. Howard told the guy his call kind of sucked too.
Another caller asked if they're ever going to get the merger to go through. Howard said he doesn't know and started whining about the whole thing. He said that he's disgusted with the whole thing and he's not one of these conspiracy guys but now he's thinking that there may be one with this merger.
Howard said that the Department of Justice has already said that it's not a monopoly and the FCC should see the same thing. He and the caller spent a couple of minutes talking about the merger.
Howard said that they're hearing that they want to put a lot of stipulations on this merger. He said that he wonders why they can't put that kind of stuff on iPods and things like that. That's what they're competing against. He said that he does applaud the DOJ for giving an honest answer. He said that they came up with the right answer at least. Robin said that they did delay it for about a year though so that's kind of messed up. Howard said that he had to go to break a short time later.
Marie said that she didn't think she did anything wrong but the people at the school told her that she had violated her morality contract. She said they told her that if she didn't resign they were going to try and get her teaching certification revoked. They were also threatening to go after her for fraud for using a sick day to go down to the show.
Howard asked Marie if she got a lawyer. She said that she did and they're going to use the money she won on the show to use as their legal defense fund. Howard said that he had Noel Biederman, the President of Ashley Madison, on the phone. Noel said that they were going to give her an additional $5,000 to help her with this whole thing.
Marie thanked Noel for that and said that should help. Howard said that he thinks that she really should fight this because she didn't do anything wrong. She appeared in a bikini and didn't get naked. She did talk about having sex with her husband too but there's nothing wrong with that either.
Howard said that a second grader isn't going to hear this show and that's the age kids Marie was teaching. He said the parents are the ones making a big deal out of the whole thing. Howard said that they could say that maybe she had some poor judgment by going on the show but he's had politicians on the show and entertainers so he doesn't get why it's such a big deal.
Howard thanked Noel again for the money. Noel said that he hopes that Marie never needs his service and that she's very happy with her husband. Howard let Noel go after that and told Marie to stay in touch with them. He said that he doesn't think that she would have lost her job if she had just avoided handing in her resignation. She thanked Howard for the support once again. Marie said that her name has been spread all over the media and she's not sure she could find another teaching job after that.
Howard said he doesn't think that Marie showed poor judgment at all. He said that she was such a lady that the whole segment was kind of dull. Marie said that they've had coaches at the schools who have done inappropriate things with their students and they get treated better than her. Howard spent another minute with Marie and let her go a short time later. Artie offered to do a benefit show for her if she needs more money.
A caller brought up the Bowling Beauties show and said that it would beat any real bowling show in the ratings if it was on network TV.
Howard said that he has a meeting today with the In Demand people and they're going to map out some of the shows they're going to be doing over the next few years. He said that they have some ideas for some more shows that people will find entertaining.
The caller asked them to play the Evil Dave Top 10 list that Richard had him read. It was the one where the words made no sense. Howard didn't remember that one at first but it eventually came to him. Howard asked Richard if he had the clip. He had it on his system a few seconds later so he played it for the guy. Artie was laughing his ass off as he was hearing that clip.
Howard said that they finally made contact with Evil Dave who was missing in action yesterday. Will came in and said that Dave said that he's going through some deeply personal problems that he won't talk about. He said that he refused to talk about it with him when he called him this morning.
Artie said that one of his buddies is missing too. He said that it's his bad cop buddy who has been missing for 3 days and he's worried about him. He said he wanted him to help out with some security at a show but now he can't find the guy.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Marie lives near him and the local paper was bashing her and making her look really bad. The guy said that they were making light of the whole thing and how she had taken a day off from work to do the show. The guy said that they actually printed a picture of her in her bikini in the paper and they're the ones who look bad for doing that.
Another caller said that he thins that this new Indiana Jones movie is going to suck. Howard said that he doesn't really care about the movie. He said he liked the first two but he's not sure he'll care that much about this one. He's read some good things about it though. Howard said that he has a feeling it's going to suck too but he'll have to wait and see.
The caller said that it does have Shia LaBeouff in it and that's a sign that it might suck. Howard said that he liked the Indiana Booey song parody so he played that. It was to the tune of the Indiana Jones theme song.
Howard said he was watching Gary and it looked like he was smelling his finger. Gary said he wasn't smelling it, he just keeps his finger there around his moustache area. Howard said he thinks he puts the finger there to block the smell of his breath.
Howard said that he got a lot of feedback about the Ralph special last week and the audience was split on that. He read some about the Paula Gloria show that ran last night. Many fans didn't like her show and went off on her about her crazy comments on Howard's show about the 9/11 stuff.
Howard read an e-mail from someone who said that they say the word swastika the wrong way. Howard said that he didn't know he was saying ''swastiker'' like the guy claimed he was. That's their New York accent coming out.
Howard said that someone wrote in about the Beth not shitting thing and how she probably just lies about it. Howard said that he read that to Beth last night and she told him to tell the guy that she really doesn't shit very often.
Howard said that Sal was getting a lot of feedback about his performance at Artie's show the other night. Artie said that Sal is doing really good but he's got a lot of black jokes that he might want to tone down a little bit. Howard read through the mail about that and how Sal was one of the best of the night according to this one guy.
Artie talked about Sal's act and how he did about 10 minutes based on one joke. He said that he could keep that going in other markets if he just found out what part of town had a lot of blacks in it.
Howard said that he can't admit he's gay until he retires. He said that poor Beth is going to be really upset when she finds out he's gay. He played some ''secret tape'' that was recorded in his bedroom. He played some gay porn clips after that.
Howard said that John the Stutterer left a message because he's pissed at Lisa G. He played that clip where John said that he knows he's repulsive and Lisa G doesn't have to say anything right outside of the green room door when he's sitting in there. He went off on her for a minute about that. Howard said that he doesn't think that he's that bad looking and he can't turn women off that much.
Dominic Barbara called in and said that the reason he doesn't wear socks is because it's the only cool thing about him. Howard told him that it's not cool to go sockless. Dominic said that his feet don't stink from it but Howard found that hard to believe. He said that his feet have to stink in there.
Dominic talked about how great Artie's show was over the weekend. He said that he never repeats a joke and he wondered where he gets all of that material. Artie said that the crowd was fun there.
Dominic said that he's not behind all of this horse stuff that Robin is getting into. He said that he thinks that horses are made to be run and raced. Robin said that it's not about that, it's about selling them off to become horse meat for just a few hundred dollars.
Artie said he told a joke at his show this weekend about how great it would be to do a swap between Howard's dog Bianca and High Pitch Eric's dog Sadie. Howard said that his dog would probably die in a day.
Robin told some stories about these horses that get sent off to be killed for meat and how horrible that is. She said that they could be retrained to do other things. Howard said that he's had to hear stuff from Beth about that and she tells him about that and then he has to think about how he's eating a dead bird as he's eating turkey.
Howard told Robin to stop e-mailing Beth. Robin kept going on and on about saving the horses. That led to Howard asking how Dominic's wife got into the Girls Night Out group. Robin said that she worked her way in and helped them out a lot.
Artie said that he's going to be going out to lunch with some winners in the charity auction. He said they paid $9,500 each for the lunches. He said that they made it as convenient as possible for him to do because the lunch will be right downstairs at Del Fresco's.
Howard went thorough a few different clips with Ronnie and the guys talking about various things. Then he played some clips from last Wednesday's Wrap Up show where Artie made some revelations about his heroin use. Howard let that play through for a few minutes.
Howard said he gets that Artie had some resentment toward him but the show should have come first to Artie. Howard said he had no idea that Artie was going down to Delaware to get his heroin. Artie said that he wanted to talk to Howard about that stuff off the air but he could never do it.
Artie said that it was amazing that it was only at that one time that he resented Howard at all. Howard said that it happens, even Robin had some resentment for him and used to jog on his face when she'd go out running.
Howard played the clip where Artie talked about driving down to Delaware to get his heroin. That was in last Wednesday's Wrap Up Show as well.
Howard said that it's no wonder Artie was so exhausted all the time back then. He was driving to Delaware to get his drugs and blowing off his rehearsals for his Beer League movie.
Howard played another clip where Artie talked about how he thought about shooting up heroin even though he had never done it that way before.
Howard played another one where Artie talked about losing Dana but managed to keep his career going. They talked about that a little bit after the clip. Howard asked if Artie didn't get his heroin locally because he was afraid of getting caught. Artie said that they had a lot of fans down in Wilmington too. He said he found that out back then.
Artie said that he knew that he could trust this guy he was getting his drugs from because he had a friend who recommended him. He said he didn't plan on it lasting that long either. He said that he didn't think that he was going to be using that 4 or 5 months that he was using.
Robin asked Artie what got him started on the heroin. Artie said that when his DVD came out he committed to doing a tour that was pretty rough on him. He said that all bled into his regular week and one of the club owners hooked him up with the heroin.
Robin said that Jim told her about the line and how he had a meeting about it. Artie said that he had a meeting about it too and he might have one soon.
Steve said they have a story about a stern fan who has named his horse ''Baby Gorilla'' based on Artie's name. Steve also said that SaveBabyGorilla.com has raised some money for a charity and even more than last year.
Steve said they'll have more about Artie's trips to Delaware to get his heroin. they also have a story about Paula Gloria being one of the top google searched names yesterday. They were also getting about 17,000 calls per hour last night during her Howard 101 show. That's apparently even more than what Riley Martin gets.
Steve said that today is Isaac Mark's last day is today. Howard said that he missed his party but he called him the other day and Isaac didn't even believe it was him. Howard said that he told Isaac that he was going to miss him and he really thought that they were losing a great employee.
Isaac came in and said that he really didn't believe that it was Howard who called him. He said that he was blowing him off at first. Howard said that Isaac has really made some great contributions to the show and he's always been very energetic. It's going to be hard to replace him. Howard said that he's going to miss him and he wished him luck with his new job. He said he appreciates all of his efforts and he'll be eternally grateful.
Isaac said that he really had nothing to say. He said that he will always cherish their time together at K-Rock when he'd come running into the hall to call his wife about their daughter. Isaac also thanked Artie and told him he's concerned about him. He said he hopes his future is filled with success and he hopes that things work out for him.
Artie said he loved that Isaac had just skipped over Benjy. Isaac went to Robin next and told her how he feels about her. He wished everyone luck with everything and said he hopes he gets to see them regularly. Isaac had some words for Howard as well and said a few things to him about how great he's been to work with. He said he always tells people what he's learned from Howard and how much he appreciates that he was allowed to work there for the past 10 years.
Artie said that Isaac used to be a wigger until that week he did the Jeff Curro thing. That changed him for life. Isaac told everyone he loves them and Howard let him go a short time later. Howard said he'll probably never see Isaac again. Robin failed to show up to Isaac's going away dinner. She said that she completely blanked out about it.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He ran through his list of subjects that they were going to try and cover today.
Robin read some news about Katie Holmes coming to Broadway. She had a story about gambling in the NBA and how things are going to change because of that. Howard had to go to break around 10:05am.
After the break Howard had Robin get right back into her news. She read a story about the death of this guy Huntington Harper who had inherited a lot of the A&P fortune and squandered it all. She read through that and then a story about a guy who was creating a virtual sex machine. That led to Howard talking about how he would love to have something like that. He said he'd probably use it but it can't replace Beth.
Robin read through a few more stories about things like a guy with carbon fiber fake legs trying to get into the Olympics. Howard said that he has seen that guy and it is impressive that he can run with those legs that he uses. He wasn't sure if it was fair to let him in the Olympics though. He said that it's a tough call to say no to a guy like that though.
Howard brought up the Dolly Parton story and how she really has no case against him if she tries to sue over the goofy clips that Richard created. He reminded everyone about the Jerry Fallwell case against Al Goldstein and how the Supreme Court was in favor of Al Goldstein. Howard said that he would have Dolly on the show and play those clips for her like he did with William Shatner and he thinks that she'd laugh at it. Howard said he wasn't out to ruin Dolly or anything like that.
Robin read some more stories and had one about Nick Cannon and Mariah Carrey's strange relationship. She had a story about Owen Wilson spending 4 and a half hours at Rick's Cabaret recently. Robin read about Kate Hudson was at the Kid Rock show the other night. Howard said he wouldn't have been able to go even if he had gotten Kid's whole phone number.
Robin read through a few more stories about the upcoming election with clips of John McCain, Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton. She had Howard play those clips. There was also a Ted Kennedy story and Howard went to do his impression but realized that all he has to do is pick up his megaphone and people know that he's about to do the Kennedy impression. He fumbled with that a little bit to make it sound like he was going to go into the impression.
Robin read a story about the American Idol season finale that's on tonight. She also talked about Dancing with the Stars and that show coming to an end. She had some news about the Sex and the City movie and played some clips promoting that. They ended the show a short time later, around 10:40am.
Gary said that everyone has had bad breath but he's usually the one who is closest to Howard. He said that he has to be close to him. He said that there have been times when Howard didn't even like the smell of his deodorant. He said that Howard has an ''uber-nose'' and he can smell everything.
Gary said that Howard pulled that bullshit thing on him with the breath story. He said that he didn't think it was fair to blame it on him when it could have been something else in the studio that stunk. Sal said that it could have been Will because he was sick last week coughing all over Howard. Jon said that Howard claims it was over the past two weeks though. Sal said it must have been Gary then.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he's sick of Howard bashing Gary the way he does. Gary said that he's used to it now but things used to be even worse in the early days. He said he knows that Howard smells blood when he starts in with that stuff and keeps it going.
Sal said that Richard was talking about how you can almost smell Gary's breath when you just look at him. He said that it's like seeing a fat chick and imagining how bad her pussy must smell. He said that it's the same with Gary's breath. Sal said he wasn't trying to insult him but he was.
Gary asked Sal how long they've worked together now. Sal said it was about 4 years now. Sal said that he's only smelled the breath like once or twice and it's not bad all the time. Sal gets why people would think that he'd be the one with the smelly breath though.
Jon said that Artie tried to put it on Richard. Richard said he brushes his teeth twice a day now because of the way they goofed on him. Gary said that's the bare minimum for most people and there are some who brush even more.
Richard said that he doesn't want to get creeped out by brushing at work and sticking his brush under some strange sink. Sal said that this is coming from someone who wipes his boogers on his pants until it's gone.
The guys talked about Richard's hygiene for a few minutes and talked about some of the disgusting stuff he does. Sal talked about going out on the road and Richard having really bad morning breath. Gary said that happens with everyone though. Sal said that Richard would not brush his teeth when he was on vacation at times. He takes a vacation from brushing his teeth.
Gary said that Sal had just taken his gum out of his mouth and put it on the console. Sal swore that he was going to throw it out but the guys thought he was going to save it and chew it again. Sal changed the subject and asked Gary if his wife ever asks him to brush his teeth before they kiss. Gary said no but Sal said that his wife makes him do that.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that she knows that Gary has fake teeth. Gary stopped her and said that he has caps on four teeth but they're not removable. The woman said that she knows a guy who eats nothing but M&Ms really bad breath. She also said that she loves everyone on the show and also talked about that wack job Paula who was on the show yesterday.
A caller talked about the breath thing with Gary and said that maybe he should just chew some gum or something. Gary said he doesn't like gum and he just uses some Listerine. He said he'll be rinsing with that today before their meeting.
another caller said that Howard should know that he's working with people who are the most hygiene deficient people in history. That led to the guys talking to Richard about his nose picking too. Sal was talking about how gross it is when he picks his nose because the things that come out are really nasty looking.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Gary about the breath thing and if that really bothers him. Gary said that it bothers him when no one says anything to the contrary. He said he knows that no one really can do that because they'd ruin the bit. He said he hates when the callers get in on it too and goof on him even more.
Sal thought that Howard had gotten Gary pissed one time by revealing that he had cheated on his wife. Gary said that Howard got him mad because he had accused him of something he didn't do. He said that Howard didn't get him mad because he had actually cheated. Sal said he still thinks that Gary cheated to this day. Gary insisted that he didn't.
A caller went off on Gary for doing some really annoying things on the show. He pointed out some of the things he says on the show that really annoy him. He went off on him about the ''No, yeah, I know'' comments he makes and some other stuff like that. Gary said that he's right and he thinks that those are just a few idiosyncrasies that he has.
The caller said that he used to be a tour manager for KISS so Sal was going to ask him a question but the guys decided that it would be best not to know the answer.
Jon took another call from a guy who said he loves that Baba Booey clip from the Price is Right. Richard got credit for that. The caller asked Richard if he ever eats his own boogers. Richard said that he has tasted them but he doesn't like them. He said he didn't want to gross everyone out with that but it was too late for that according to Gary.
Another caller asked Gary how bad he wants to beat the shit out of Sal. Gary said that Sal has so many shitty things going on in his life that he knows what the real reason is for his lashing out. Gary and Sal talked about the thing that Sal did today where he was pretending to brush his teeth with a piece of shit. Gary said that he knows that they're always planning to goof on him in the back because he hears whispering going on and stuff like that.
Gary said that when someone is on the air under the gun, there is a line of people behind Will giving him information to put up on the screen for Howard. That's how you know if people really like you or not depending on how many people are there giving Will the information.
A caller asked Gary why Howard always says ''The fact of the matter is...'' because that drives him crazy. Gary said that everyone has things like that. Gary said that he hates the way that Howard says Aerosmith. He said that they all have those little annoying things.
Richard said that he thinks that Gary shits around the time he leaves. Gary said he doesn't do that very often but Sal walked in right after he went yesterday. Sal said that he'd rather walk into an oven at Auschwitz than into that again.
Shuli asked Gary about the time he had to go to a baseball game with Sal. He wondered if it was more upsetting back then or now that he works on the show. Gary said that he disliked Sal immensely back then before he was on the show. He said that now that he's on the show he's okay with him. He said that Sal came in to do the Win John's Job thing and he really liked him. Gary said his wife felt sorry for him but he really did like Sal once he got to work with him.
Gary and Sal also told some stories about some other stuff like the time Gary wanted to fight Sal. Sal said that he has a heart problem so he had to back out of that. He said that he had started training and the trainer thought that he was smoking because his breathing was so heavy. Sal said that when he met Gary's wife that was really tough because of the look she gave him.
Jon took a call from a guy who pointed out some of the lines that Sal repeats when he's telling stories. That guy also said that he thinks that Artie was lying about his heroin use and how he claimed that he didn't shoot up but then he said that he had. The guys didn't know about that. They had to go to break a short time later.
Benjy said that Dan also has that he has that moustache on his face that could catch some of the breath. Jon said that Dan has been going to the meetings for a couple of weeks now and that's how long Howard has been smelling the shit. Dan said that he comes there clean and it can't be his stink.
Benjy smelled Dan's breath and said that it wasn't a bacterial smell but he had a really bad smoke smell. Sal asked him if he's smoking rectums or something. Dan said he's been smoking for 30 years now and he's got all of that lining his lungs.
Dan said that he used to run with his ex-girlfriend and he could go a couple of miles no problem. Benjy wanted to talk about this e-mail that Dan sent out one time about how he could have molested. Gary said that they keep referring to Dan that he calls himself a poon hound and how that came from a story he told at K-Rock. Dan said that he said it in a different way than Gary was saying. Gary insisted that it wasn't like that and he could pull tape and prove it.
The guys talked about Dan's pony tail and how Howard talked about how he should get rid of it. Dan said that this is the only look that works for him so he has to keep it. Richard told him that the best thing he ever did was cut that hair off. Dan said that the way Richard looks isn't going to make him want to cut his hair.
Dan said that those looks just don't work for him. Dan said that the hair attracts him women, they love it. Benjy said that is true and girls are attracted to long hair. Sal said that's a throw back to 1982 and the girls are stuck on that.
Sal said that Dan has some of his pony tails hanging from his rear view mirror in his van. Richard said he was living with Dan for a while and found one of his hairs in the meat loaf he had made for him.
Gary said that he remembers Anna Nicole Smith's son being brought into her reality show and how uncomfortable it must have been for him. The caller said that he thinks that people don't make fun of Tom Cruise's kids they way Howard was doing with Denise Richards' kids. Gary said that Tom Cruise's kids are the punchline to many jokes so that's not true.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked when they're going to get the A-list celebrities again. He said that they should get like Billy Joel on the show. Gary said he wanted to know some names of people who he thinks are A-list. The caller wasn't able to come up with anything. He said he wants some mainstream interviews and not the same old people over and over again. Gary told him he'd work on that. Sal threw out some names like Sylvester Stallone and William Shatner who were just on recently.
A woman called in and said that she can't stand that Howard says ''I could care less'' when it's supposed to be ''I couldn't care less.'' Sal said that he couldn't care less about her call. Jon let her go a short time later.
Another caller asked Richard about his tooth problems that he had. Richard said that he had 2 years of work done. He said he had 12 cavities, all of his wisdom teeth removed, and a couple of root canals. Gary said that Richard has had more done in 2 years than most of them have had done in their whole life. Richard said that he has improved his hygiene since he first started going to the dentist. Richard said he hadn't gone in about 14 years.
The caller asked Richard if he goes ass to mouth because his breath must really stink. Richard said that he doesn't do anything like that. Sal said that he's kind of upset that he knows that will never happen with his wife. He said that he'd love for him to go down there on him but she never will.
The guys talked about the ass to mouth thing for a short time. Richard said they have a new show coming up on June 2nd where they'll talk more about that.
Gary asked Sal if it was true that he got close to the girl to smell something on her. Sal said that it was for scientific purposes. Gary said he heard that Sal disappeared for 15 minutes after that. Sal swears that he was down getting gum at Duane Reed but other people thought he was rubbing one out somewhere. Richard said that everyone was wondering where he was. Sal said that he would never jack off there again. JD said that he was gone for a long time so it was kind of suspicious. Sal said that he had to sign paperwork about that jerking off thing. Sal said that he could go somewhere else to jerk off but he didn't do that.
The guys talked about how funny it is that Sal had to sign paperwork for that jerking off thing. He said that he can be terminated if he does that again. He actually had to sign paperwork agreeing to never do that again. He said that he would never ever do that again in that building. He has learned his lesson.
A woman asked if they could have a show where they had Riley and that Paula Gloria woman discuss their 9/11 theories.
Jon asked JD what he thought about what Howard said to Isaac. JD said that he didn't expect anything different from Howard. Richard said that Isaac looked like he was close to tears today but he didn't cry. Sal said that Isaac was a good guy and he was great with the kids when they were up there.
Jon asked about what happened with Robin that day that she didn't show up for Isaac's party. The guys didn't have much to say about that. Richard figured that maybe her assistant should have reminded her about it. He said he just sets up an alarm in his Treo phone to remind him.
The guys spent a few more minutes talking about Isaac and some of the stuff that they talked about earlier in the show. Sal revealed that his first rap name when he was a kid was ''Cool the Candy Rapper'' and he has some old reels of tape with some of his songs on them. He's getting them transferred to CD so they can play them on the show. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started off the show taking a phone call from a guy who asked how the merger is like banging Carmen Electra. Howard asked how, the guy said ''for you it's never gonna happen.'' The guy said that they're never going to let it happen if Howard is on the air. Howard said that he'd be fine with it if they paid him to leave.
Howard said that he did shower with Carmen but he didn't get to bang her. He said he was out in Malibu back then and he had already met Beth by that time so he didn't want to screw that up. He said that Carmen was really hot but he knew it wasn't going to happen. He said that he thinks that Carmen didn't want it to happen either.
The caller also asked how the hottest song on the charts is like having sex with Howard. Then he said that they both last about 3 and a half minutes. Howard said that he thought he did good with the first joke but not that one. He ended up hanging up on the guy.
Howard played the clip where Greg brought up Sal's act and how racist he was during his act. Greg and the guy who was on with him were talking about the way Artie showed up in a stretch limo. Greg talked about how tacky that looks when you show up in one of those things. Artie said that he didn't ask for a stretch, he just asked for a car and that's what they sent.
Howard said he knows those cars are tacky but he loves them. He spent a minute talking about that and then got back to the clip. In the clip Greg described what he saw when Artie showed up and how he had two security guards with him. Howard paused again and Artie said that things have been getting out of hand at the shows so he has to have guys keeping the fans off of him. He said that the fans are all pretty cool but he has these guys helping him to make sure nothing gets out of hand.
Artie talked about the two guys he's got helping him out and how he met one of them through Otto and George. He said that one of them is a wrestler. Both guys are pretty scary and you don't want to mess with them. Artie said that one of the guys wanted to punch Greg in the face because he comes across as being kind of arrogant. Artie said he probably saved Greg's life the other night.
Artie said that the other guy who's working with him is the bad cop friend of his. He said that he might look like he was punched in the face with meth but it wasn't meth. It could have been something else though.
Artie said that his buddy JC stayed with him in a hotel one time and he got a blow job from a chick who thought he was Artie. At some point Howard hit the delay on something that they were talking about. It wasn't clear why.
Howard got back to the Fitzsimmons show clips where Greg was talking about what Sal was doing during his act. He was using the N-word quite a bit according to Greg. He said that Sal did kill with the N-word jokes and the crowd loved it so he's not sure if they loved him or the use of the N-word. Greg said that Sal's jokes are worse than the song that got Kidd Chris fired.
Artie said that he talks about race and it's not really racist. Artie said that Sal might see that as an opening to tell racist jokes. Howard said there's an obvious difference between what Artie does and what Sal is doing. Artie said that Sal did get good reviews but Greg is being completely honest about the racist jokes that Sal is telling.
Howard asked Artie to tell him about what Sal talks about. Artie said that he'll say stuff about this town in Long Island where there are a lot of blacks and he'll tell jokes like coming to that town where even in the daytime it's night. He said there are about 40 of those jokes in a row.
Sal came in and said that there is nothing going on there. He said he covers white, black, Mexican, Chinese and his wife too. He said he's not sure what Greg is talking about. Sal said he uses the N-word not calling them that, he uses it in a joking way. Sal said that a lot of comedians do a lot of crazy things but you have to craft it in a way that it's clever.
Dominic Barbara called in and said that Sal is very interesting. He said that he does a lot of good stuff about his wife and he's really opening up in his act. Artie said that Dominic is right because he's being honest about his wife and his life and that's the good stuff. Sal said he knows he still has a lot to learn so maybe Greg is right. He then threw in a plug for his show which airs at Midnight on 101.
Dominic said that some of Sal's material is a little deep and hurtful. Sal said that he doesn't care and he's going to do the stuff that makes people laugh. He said he really doesn't care what people have to say about it. Sal said that he doesn't care what people's opinions are but Howard said that he obviously does.
Artie asked Sal if he wrote all of those jokes that he tells. Sal said that he did but they're not that hard to write. Artie said that some of them are kind of old and pointed out one that is really old. Artie also said that he'd like to think that he doesn't care what other people think but he really does.
Artie said that Sal might be better than those jokes that he's telling. Robin told Sal to try something different and not something just ordinary if he's that good at what he does. Howard said that Sal has to fill in that time he's on stage though.
Dominic said that the black jokes got a little too deep and he can do better than that. Bobo called in and said that he thought he was at a Klan rally at a couple of points. He said Sal was great though.
Artie said that some Hacks can kill with their material and it's hard to follow them. He said that he doesn't think that Sal is a hack though.
Sal talked about this town, Wyandanch, that he uses in his act. He claims that he lived near there when he was growing up so that's why he knows what it was like.
Howard let Sal go and asked Artie why he can't say the word Wyandanch. Artie said that he's not sure but then got the word out just fine. Artie said that all of the comedians had the same opinion about Sal's act. They thought that some of the jokes were old but some of the material he did about his wife was great. He said that when he gets into those rants he's great.
Bobo said that Shuli was good too. Howard asked Artie who else is on the show. Bob Levy was there so Howard asked if Sal is better than Bob. Artie said that Greg is probably better than everyone on the show. He said that he would go Fitzsimmons, Levy, Shuli and then Sal at the bottom of the list. He said that's because everyone else is so good.
Bobo said that he loves Artie first, Sal then Shuli and then Greg. He said that Greg didn't do it for him. Bobo said that he was observing everyone's laughs and that's how he would rate them. Bobo was going with Sal as the second funniest but Artie said that he would like Sal to go to another level.
Artie said that if a scout for Letterman was there, Greg would get on before Sal. He said that he's got more original material than Sal does.
Fred said that he found it interesting that Bobo put Sal up on the list that high. He said that for that kind of venue he might be doing the right kind of shit. Artie said that he's just trying to help Sal out so he can move on with his career.
Fred wondered if Greg thinks that Sal isn't at his level and that's why he's so upset. Artie said he doesn't think that's the case at all. He said that Greg has dealt with a lot of shit out on the road with him but not with Sal.
Robin said that the cancer he has is a very tough one to battle too so it's not looking good. Howard went on to talk about the Kennedy family and what they've meant to him in his life. He said he likes that he's in the senate and giving an opinion that not all that many people have. He said that he's a very charismatic character and he's come a long way since Chapaquitic.
Howard said that when he heard about the cancer he said that he really felt bad that he might not be in the Senate anymore. He said that he liked that the guy was there even with all of the crazy stories the guy has had in his life. He said that he's a phenomenal fuck up with the Chapaquitic thing and all of that but he still likes that he was in the senate.
Howard said it's tough to think about the Chapaquitic thing and all that went on there. He said that maybe he didn't know how to act that day and maybe he regrets it every day of his life. He said that he is very sad to see that he has cancer and he likes that the people in Massachusetts have kept him in there.
Howard played a clip of Senator Bird talking about the Kennedy thing. He was very slow in speaking and talking about Ted's cancer. Howard played through that clip where Bird breaks down crying for about 2 seconds while he's talking about it. He talked about missing Ted and saying ''thank god for you...'' after bringing up his wife.
Bird is 90 years old according to Fred. Robin thought he was just 80. Howard asked her what kind of SAT test score she had. Robin said she had about 1100. Howard said he was about 1000 and Artie was around 890. Artie said that he doesn't remember anything from school and he never brought a book home from the 7th grade on. Howard said that books were like Kryptonite to him.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that her mother had the same kind of cancer that Kennedy has and she's still around after a few years. Howard said that they're saying that they give people 1-5 years to live if they have this cancer.
Howard asked the guys if they would have an operation to remove the tumor if they had it. There is a chance that it can screw you up permanently. Robin said she would not do the surgery. She said she'd have the chemotherapy but not the operation.
Artie said he had a friend whose father had a brain tumor and he just died last week after finding out about it in December. Howard said that those things can take people pretty quick and this woman on the phone was lucky that her mother didn't pass away.
The guys ended up doing their Kennedy impressions and joked about some stuff that Ted probably never said. Howard said that he really is a fan of Kennedy's and he does feel bad about this cancer thing.
Howard said that he had some more stuff to get to. He and Artie couldn't get off the Kennedy stuff though. They were goofing around talking about the Chapaquitic thing. Howard said that the good thing about him is that he hasn't killed anyone in 39 years.
Gary said that Eric hasn't been giving them his phone number so they have no way to get in touch with him anymore. Howard said that he's a superstar so they can't demand it. Howard said that he may miss out on some stuff because of that. Eric said that he doesn't want any of the news people or Sal and Richard prank calling him.
Howard said that he is kind of gullible so he wouldn't give the number either if he was like that. Eric said that he's not gullible but Howard insisted that he was. Eric fell for some of those prank calls that Sal and Richard made to him and that showed that he was a little gullible.
Howard found some of the clips from Eric's Idol show from last night so he was going to play some of those. Howard told Eric that the clips they played yesterday were the worst ever. Howard played one of the prank calls they were talking about. It was where Will called Eric and told him that they had Carrie Underwood on the line. Eric thought it was really her and spent a couple of minutes talking to her. Eric stuck with the woman even though she was asking him all kinds of sex questions that Carrie Underwood would never ask. Eric told her that he wouldn't fuck her on the first date when she asked.
Howard told Eric that he really is gullible. He asked him why he wouldn't fuck her on the first date. Eric said that he's not sure about that. Howard wondered why that is. Artie said he'd better do it on the first because he has a feeling there won't be a second date. Howard said that Carrie is looking good these days after losing some weight.
Howard played more of the prank call and asked Eric how he can think that he's not gullible. Howard said that he's gullible to the 10th power times 12. He said he's the most gullible person he's ever met. Eric said he's not. Howard asked him who is more gullible than him. Eric wasn't answering Howard's questions at that point.
Howard played more of the call and ''Carrie'' had him rubbing his ''Smurf cock'' on the phone. Eric was still believing that it was Carrie even then. Howard asked Eric if he would think that the person in this call was gullible if it wasn't him.
Eric said he knew what gullible meant and he's not that. Artie said he figured that Eric thought that gullible meant ''tall.'' Howard played more of the clip and it seemed that Eric still thought it was Carrie even when she hung up the phone. Artie said that she and the team of writers actually ran out of material and had to hang up.
Gary said that they edited that call down from 15 minutes to the few minutes that it lasted. Howard said that it's smart that Eric doesn't give them his phone number. Eric claimed that he didn't rub his cock on the phone that day either.
Howard played another call where they had Sal call Eric about a job working in a new Wizard of Oz remake. Sal had Eric singing some songs from the Wizard of Oz. Howard said that Diana Degarmo was there. He went into his impression of her but Eric was too smart to fall for that. He told Howard ''Yeah, right'' when he heard the voice.
Howard, as Diana, asked Eric some questions about calling her. Eric said he hasn't been calling lately. Diana then told Howard to stop goofing on Eric. Eric told Howard that one of the co-hosts on his show was telling him to get on with the clips. Howard said that he should tell them ''fuck you'' for him but then went into the clips.
Howard played a clip from Eric's Idol Show where he and his co-hosts were talking about the people on Idol during their performances. Eric was telling someone to stop typing in caps during that one. Artie told Eric that show was ''...like shit times 20.'' Artie said that it was a constant barrage of shit.
Richard called in as Katherine McPhee but Eric was too smart for that and didn't fall for that impression either. Howard said that Eric isn't gullible, he's right.
Howard said he had another clip from Eric's show where he was talking about the show and his co-host Gina said that this year's Idol really sucked all around. Eric then threatened to kick someone out of the chat for asking about flying with balloons.
Howard asked Eric about the chat and how annoyed he gets with people in there. Howard asked how many he threw out. Eric said it was quite a few. JD said that the show is supposed to be about American Idol but they don't have a lot of material about that show. He said that they spend most of the time asking Eric questions instead.
Howard had Ryan Seacrest (Ralph) on the phone and he asked Eric if he could make it down for the final show tonight. Ralph asked him if he wanted to come tonight or not. Eric thought it was Sal so the guys had Sal come in to show that it wasn't him.
Eric said that he knew it was Ralph. Ralph asked how it could be Ralph when he doesn't get up before 9am. The guys figured that Eric was told by someone in his chat that it was Ralph.
Howard had one final clip from Eric's Idol show. He played a clip where Eric was complaining about Howard not playing his clips for 6 days. Howard said that Eric seems to think that the show is all about him. He said that sometimes he doesn't feel like getting to stuff and he puts it off. He told Eric that he has no right to criticize anything because his show is horrible.
Howard took a call from someone pretending to be Simon Cowell. Eric said that he should stop with the stupid calls. Simon told Eric he wanted to get together and have tea and crumpets with him. Eric knew it was Richard doing the impression.
Howard took a call from Syisha from Idol and the woman said that she's tired of Howard making fun of Eric. She said that she loves Eric and he has to stop making fun of him. Eric said that he thought she was good on the show and he wanted to see her go on with more of the show. She then broke the news to Eric that he fell for it once again like every other time.
Howard wrapped up with Eric and asked him what else he was going to be covering. Eric is going to be covering a lot of different shows now that Idol is ending. Howard let Eric go a short time later and went to break.
Howard said that this isn't Z-100 and it's pretty hard core. The one girl said that she'd do anything so Howard asked her why they like Bon Jovi so much. Nicole said that she loves the band and everyone in it. He asked her if she'd eat whipped cream out of Artie's asshole. Nicole said ''oh god...'' and asked if that's what it would take. Howard said that she did say she'd do anything.
Howard asked her if she would do that. Nicole said that he'd have to have some testing done. Howard said that she was basically saying no then. Howard then suggested licking hot chocolate off an amputee's stump. Nicole said she would do that.
Howard asked if this girl would attempt the record for the most clothes pins attached to a woman's breast. Nicole said she would rather do that than the other stuff. Nicole said that she had to pick the best of the hands dealt.
Howard asked her if she would live with a bear for a week. Nicole said she wouldn't do that because she would get killed. Howard asked if she would gargle cat urine. Nicole said she would. Nicole also said that she might lick a tiger's asshole if it was tied up.
Artie said that he can't believe that she wanted him to get tested and then said that she would do these other things. Howard asked if she would let a cockroach crawl into her vagina. Nicole said that was gross and said she had never heard of such a thing. Howard said that she did say that she would do anything. Nicole said that she'd rather do the urine drinking than any of those things.
She said that the cockroach thing was off the table because it could make her sick. Howard said that he's pretty sure that she can get sick from drinking the cat urine. Nicole said that he doesn't get how the cockroach could even get in there. Howard said she'd have to hold it open. Fred said they could use a straw and tap it in there. Nicole wondered how she could get it out. Howard said they could tie a lasso to it and pull it out.
Howard asked her if she would be willing to do the cockroach thing or not. Nicole said that she guesses she would. Howard checked that off of the list. He asked her if she would hide a AA battery in her vagina and smuggle it through airport security. Nicole said she would do that. Nicole also said that she would eat a cooked piece of a dead person when he asked her about that.
Howard asked her if she would eat the whole leg. Nicole said that she would. Howard said that they're just trying to find out what the parameters were with this whole thing. Howard told the girl that he's been to Bon Jovi's house and it's not all it's cracked up to be. Nicole said she's not trying to get to his house. Nicole just wants to meet them.
Howard said that a cut girl like this should be able to get back stage. Nicole said that she went to a show one time and it was all screwed up when they got there. Nicole told Howard that she's a caterer and she has plenty of money to buy her Mercedes. Howard said that she really is cute and checked out some pictures of her.
Howard asked if they could put a live mouse in her ass. Nicole said ''sure'' to that but not to letting a hamster live in her vagina. Nicole said there's no room in there for that. Howard asked her if she would be willing to go to Ground Zero, get topless, and hold up a sign supporting Al Qaeda. Nicole said she'd probably get killed doing that. Artie said it would be great radio. Nicole said that she'd do it because no one would believe it was real if she was there topless.
Howard asked her if she would taste the sperm of the guys on the show and tell them which one tastes the best. Nicole said she would do that. Nicole said that she'd want them to give her a specimen and she'd taste them. Nicole doesn't want them blowing their loads into her mouth. Howard said that he couldn't believe that she was willing to go that far.
Howard said she's really not screwing around with this and she's kind of ruining the bit. They wanted to gross her out but it wasn't working. He asked her if she would fly up to Massachusetts and wear a sign saying that Ted Kennedy deserved cancer. Nicole said that would be fine.
Howard said he will talk to Bon Jovi and ask if they want to come in there to do this. He asked if she would go to a hospital and spit on kids with cancer. Nicole said that was the worst one yet. Howard said that they might be able to make it happen though. Nicole said that she would do that because she could apologize to them after she did it.
Howard said that he figured they were going to blow her off in 2 seconds but she's hard core. He said that she's impressing him. Nicole said that she's had people goofing on her about this but she wasn't joking around about it.
The woman said that she used to be a gymnast so she can do all kinds of moves and stuff if they want to work that into the segment. Howard asked if she would let bees sting her labia. Nicole said that she's not sure how they could get them to do that. Nicole said that she'd let them to that.
Howard asked her if she'd let Richard Christy sick boogers in her vagina. Nicole said that's disgusting but she guesses she'd do it. Nicole said that kind of turns her off and she'd rather have the bees sting her labia. Nicole also said that she'd rather drink urine than have that done to her. Nicole also said that she'd rather eat the person than do the booger thing.
Howard asked if she'd eat a baby's leg. Nicole said she would. Howard asked if she cares what race the child is. Nicole said she didn't care. The meat would all be the same. Howard asked her if they could get her pregnant and then have her get an abortion and then eat that baby. Nicole wasn't up for that. Howard said he wanted to get a fetus, cook it and then eat it. Nicole said she wouldn't do that with her own fetus. Nicole asked who would actually do that. Howard said that he was prepared to do that and then get Bon Jovi in there. Nicole said that they wouldn't talk to her if she did that. Howard said he's just trying to understand what she would and wouldn't do.
She told Howard that she's not crazy. Howard said that he was going to look into this eating a 5 year old's leg or the cockroach in her vagina. Nicole said that she wanted him to do the leg eating thing. Nicole didn't seem to have a problem with that at all.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that this lady has some mental issues and he wanted to donate some money to one of Beth's charities to meet the band. Howard said he admires this lady's dedication. Howard said that she was willing to taste their cum which was pretty hard core. Howard said he'd like to do that.
A caller thought that the abortion and eating the fetus is just wrong. He said that he didn't want to see that at all. Nicole said there's no way that's happening. Howard had to wrap up with her a short time later. He went to a break after that.
Howard said that Jesse wanted to get on the air one time when he was trying to get elected and he ended up on hold for hours.
Jesse was on the line a short time later. Howard said hello to him as Governor Ventura even though he was no longer the governor. Robin wondered if that works the same way as Former presidents. She said she found it interesting because she calls Clinton Mr. Clinton.
Jesse said that he's living down in Mexico for about half the year now. He said he can't take the Minnesota winters anymore after living there for so long. Jesse said that he's pretty well set these days and he loves living down there in Mexico because he's an hour from pavement and an hour from electricity. He said he's got solar power down there though so he's all set.
Howard said that he heard about Jesse being mad at him for screwing up the night before his election when he was supposed to do some campaigning. He said he left him on hold for 45 minutes and Jesse got mad at him.
Jesse said that he doesn't hate Howard but he did cost him a friendship. He said that Tom Bernard got angry that he was going to do the show and trashed him the whole time he was in office. Jesse said that just the suggestion that he was going to do the show was a negative for him. He said that it all turned out for the best because that guy was a dirt bag anyway.
Howard said that Jesse had opposed the war in Iraq right from the start and he likes that. Jesse said that he's a Vietnam vet and his parents were World War II vets. He said that he never imagined that this country would do what it did over there. He said that this is the same thing that the communists and Nazi's did.
Howard and Jesse talked about how this might be a stepping stone into Iran. Jesse said that he's angry that they're not being honest about this war and how it was all based on lies. He said that they invaded the country on the wrong premise and now they say that they have to keep going with it and that's just wrong.
Jesse was talking about Paul Giamatit's performance as John Adams in the HBO series that ran recently. He said that reminded him of what's going on today in the government. He said that he thinks that he's going to vote third party in the upcoming election. He said he can't vote Republican or Democrat at this point. He talked about how deep in debt we are at this point and what a mess things have become.
Howard asked Jesse what went wrong in Minnesota. Jesse said that his approval rating went up and down but he doesn't pay attention to that stuff. He said that he thinks that he could have run again but his wife's health went down hill and he had to take care of her. He talked about how he wrote about that stuff in his book, ''Don't Start the Revolution Without Me!,'' and about some other stuff about his family.
Howard asked Jesse about being in Vietnam and how he got his service medal. Jesse told the story about how that all came about and how he got the medal because he was in a combat zone for a period of time.
Howard asked Jesse if he ever got off shore to get hookers over in Nam. Jesse said that he didn't do that. He said that he did do some stuff that he didn't want to talk about in his personal life.
Howard asked how he stays dedicated to his wife. Jesse said that he grew out of that stuff and he doesn't miss the things he did when he was younger. Howard gave him a plug for his book ''Don't Start the Revolution Without Me!'' after that.
Howard asked Jesse if he killed anyone over in Vietnam. Jesse said that you don't talk about that. He said that he won't talk about that but he did go over and got locked and loaded over in the Philippines at one point. He said that they weren't even supposed to be over there at the time. Howard asked Jesse how many people he thinks he took out. Jesse said it was ''none.'' Howard didn't believe that but Jesse said he wouldn't tell him anyway.
Howard asked Jesse if he had an ear necklace. Jesse laughed and said he did not. Howard said he wished that he had one himself.
Howard said that Jesse admits he used steroids when he was wrestling and he likes that he admits to stuff like that. Jesse said that you almost have to do that stuff these days.
Howard brought up how Jesse was locked into a contract with MSNBC for a few years and they kept him off the air when he came out against the Iraq war. He said that they also pulled Phil Donahue's show because of that and they silenced him as well. Howard said that they're being treated like the Dixie Chicks by being silenced like that.
Jesse said that coming out against something like that is not unpatriotic like some people would have you believe. He said that they have the right to say stuff like that in this country but some people try to silence people when they do.
Howard asked Jesse what he would do if he were president and he found out Iran had a nuclear program. Jesse said that you have to talk to these people first. He said that war is just failed diplomacy. He said that he lives outside of the country now and the perception of the country isn't what it used to be. He said that he most popular t-shirt he sees down in Mexico is a picture of Bush that reads ''Weapon of Mass Destruction.''
Jesse said that he drives down to Mexico every year and the only time he gets harassed is when he comes back into the country. He said that they confiscated his dogs dog food when he came back home last year. He said that because it wasn't in the original bag, they took it from him. He said that they wouldn't take his word that it came from the U.S. and confiscated it.
Howard said that Jesse is one of the people who doesn't believe that the two planes took down three buildings. Jesse said that he did believe it until he got out of office and started looking into it. He said that he doesn't believe that the third building could fall 5 hours after the other two buildings fell. He said he's not sure what happened but he has questions about the way the towers fell. Jesse said that the buildings were built to take an airplane crash and they shouldn't have fallen the way they did.
Jesse said that he thinks that there are people who could make something like that happen. Jesse said that the fuel doesn't burn as hot as some would have us believe and it ended up collapsing the building. Jesse and Fred were going back and forth on that a little bit. Gary said that this is crazy because just because they claim that something was built to do one thing doesn't mean that they're going to stand up to it.
Jesse said that the buildings were white elephants and they weren't doing well so they could have set it up to make sure that they didn't have to spend millions on the asbestos removal and things like that.
Howard said that Jesse also doesn't believe that Lee Harvey Oswald was the lone gunman. Jesse said that he studied that for 20 years and he does not believe that at all. Howard asked Jesse when he first got laid. Jesse said that he had to get going after that. Jesse said that he'd like to talk to him again. Howard said that he'd like that and told him he was a good guest. He let him go a short time later.
Fred said that he had to dispute him on the Lee Harvey Oswald thing because he took the tour down there in Dallas and it wouldn't have been that hard to take the shot he took. He said that he could have killed Kennedy with a brick.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he misses Jesse there in Minnesota. Howard said that he wants to get him back on the show sometime to talk to him more. He said he's kind of jealous of Jesse and his solar house down in Mexico.
Howard said that he'd love to have time to drive to Baja like Jesse does but he doesn't think that he'd actually go there. He said that he'd be afraid of getting raped or something.
Another caller said that this was one of the most intelligent interviews ever. He said that they should have him on the show as a political correspondent. The guy thought he sounded a little bit like Big Foot though. Howard said that he really would have liked to have talked to him for another 15 minutes or so.
JC said that this chick was blowing him and telling him how big his penis was and stuff like that. Then she gave him a kiss and left when she was done. He said that he doesn't really look like Artie but he is kind of heavy an has the scruff on his face.
Artie said that he's had chicks knocking on his door before but they never jumped on him and blew him. Artie said that he did have a chick come to his trailer to blow him one time but not like JC had.
Howard saw a picture of JC and Fred let out a ''Whoa!'' when he saw it. Howard said he could see why he could be mistaken for Artie in the dark.
Howard asked how JC is qualified to be in this line of work. JC said that he's a wrestler and he can beat some ass but he's usually a peaceful guy. Artie said he had another story about JC that he had to tell. JC told a story about his father hating his guts from the time he was 14 years old or so. He said that he used to be a real dick to him. When he was 17 he came home and his parents left him a note saying that they had moved away and left him behind.
JC said that he called his aunt and asked what was going on and his aunt said that they just couldn't deal with him and had to leave. He said his father used to hit his mother and stuff like that. He said his father called him one time and asked him to come over and visit one time and asked him what he would do if he died. JC said that he told the guy that he would put him on ice and collect his checks until he couldn't do it anymore.
JC said that he has a sister and she was living with this other guy at the time his parents moved away. He said that they liked her though. Artie said that the kid wasn't even out of school yet and they just packed up and moved away from him.
JC said that he asked his mother about that years later and she told him that she was scared of the guy and had to do what he wanted. Howard said he can't believe that he turns her into a saint after what she did to him. JC said that he doesn't blame her.
Wheels called in and complained about the way Artie walked out of that event and dint' stick around to talk to anyone. His phone connection sucked so Howard let him go.
Ralph called in and asked Artie if he ever hires any professionals. Artie asked why Howard doesn't hire a professional stylist. He told Ralph that JC is an intimidating guy and that's what he needs. JC said that he's good with the crowd and he's able to do the job that he needs to do.
Robin ran out of her booth so Howard figured that she was running off to take a dump. Robin came back and said that she wasn't. She just had to get her news clips in. Howard had to wrap up and go to break after that.
Howard went on to talk about how he loves to see gay people acting like straight people. He said that Jodi Foster apparently cheated on her new girlfriend with some other lesbian. He read the article and talked about how that lesbian thing must have gone. Howard spent a short time talking about the Jodi Foster thing.
Howard moved on to the Ted Kennedy story again and ended up playing a tape of Ted singing a song at a Barack Obama rally. Ted was singing a Mexican song for some reason. The audience seemed to love it. Howard said that it sounded like a night at the Au Bar. That led to Howard doing his Kennedy impression a little bit. Artie got in on it as well. Howard also played a prank call that High Pitch Eric made to a Mexican place one time.
Howard said he had a bunch of things to play to day and he's been threatening to play them for a while now. He said he had an uncensored clip of Buddy Rich, a famous drummer, going nuts. He said he thinks he played it on regular radio but they would have ruined it with bleeps. In the clip Buddy was yelling at the rest of the band about working his balls off while they were fucking around. He yelled at them for a few minutes about how they had fucked him up with their miscue after miscue. Then he kicked them all out of his bus.
Artie said that he heard stories about that guy and how much his band hated him. He heard that one of the guys he used to work with used to call his widow and asked to speak to buddy. When the woman would tell him that he was dead, the guy would say he knew that but he loved hearing that.
Howard said he might have to change the date of his wedding but that would be kind of nuts. He said that he's all stressed out about that and a lot of other things.
Howard told Gary that he's thinking about suing the guys from Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader and he wants him to pull the clips from every time they did that bit on this show. Artie said that he had an article from Entertainment Weekly where they list the funniest people and Howard was left off the list.
Artie read some of the names on the list and the number 25 guy was a guy by the name of Auguston Burrows. Howard said he actually read that guy's book ''Running with Scissors.'' Howard said the book was good but the movie was bad. Howard got the list and read through some of the people on there. David Letterman, Amy Sedaris, Ellen Degeneres, Conan O'Brien, Amy Poler and some others were mentioned. the guys talked about some of the people they knew on the list and Howard said the only guy who is actually funnier than him is Chris Rock.
Howard said that Judd Apatow and his posse were listed at number 1. They read through the list and said that Entertainment Weekly must hate Howard's guts. Sarah Silverman was on the list but Jimmy Kimmel wasn't. Howard said that Jimmy doesn't care about stuff like that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said his mother went to the same school as Howard. Howard didn't remember the guy's mother when he gave out her name. The caller asked if he could get a tour of the studio but Howard had to turn him down. He told him to call back in a few months an maybe he could make that happen.
Howard played a clip of the judge talking to Gary and his wife about the fights that they're constantly having. Gary told the judge that they have those fights about once a month. The wife talked about how she thought that Gary should have argued with this man who said something to her about how he had a date for when the world was going to end. She wanted Gary to defend her and help her out with her argument.
Robin wasn't following very well so Howard said he might have to bail out on this whole thing. He tried a second clip and told Robin to pay attention. In the next clip Gary talked about how he didn't want children and he told his wife that when he met her. The wife said that she doesn't understand why he doesn't want to open up and try something new. Gary had good reasons for not wanting kids but the wife didn't get that.
Howard played a clip where the wife talks about the tantrums that Gary throws when he gets upset. She said that he'll bang his head against the wall and things like that. Gary said his point of view doesn't seem to matter so he has to get upset about that.
Howard had another clip where Gary talked about what he'd have to do to stay with his wife. He said that things would be better if she just understood him better. Howard wondered why someone would stay in a marriage where they don't get along.
Howard had some more audio where the two of them were talking about being up at 3 in the morning fighting. They said that they're night people. The wife said that Gary has a very negative view on life and it's depressing. Gary said he has 40 years of evidence of how horrible people can be toward you. He said he has no friends but he does have this one relationship that he wants to keep going. Gary said he doesn't care about anyone else or what's happened in their lives.
Artie said that he worked with Gary a few times. He worked with him on MAD TV and on Dirty Work. He said that Gary was hitting on everyone on the set of MAD TV. He said that he would hit on them in really creepy ways too. JD said that's how he met his wife with those lines. He said something similar to what Artie was saying he did. Artie said that was way back in 1995 when he saw Gary doing that stuff.
The judge on this show was trying to find out what their life together was really like. Gary said that it was very mediocre. Gary said there are days when he doesn't even feel like getting up. Gary blamed some of that on the disease he suffers from.
Gary revealed that he and his wife hadn't even consummated their marriage yet. Gary was going back and forth on that not giving a straight answer. It wasn't clear if they had fucked or not. JD came in and said that was all they had said. He said that they didn't end up getting divorced either. They just wanted to be on TV.
Howard said he was fascinated by that stuff. Robin said that she'd like to know if he's mechanically working down there.
Howard said they should get to the news but then he said he had a clip of this manager guy freaking out. He started to play it but it was coming out of just one speaker. He asked Scott how he can let stuff like that slip through. JD came in and said that was his fault actually. JD said that someone sent it to him and he didn't know that it was coming through just one speaker because he has just one speaker that works in his studio.
Howard and the guys did their JD impressions for a short time after JD gave that explanation. Howard played the Ted Kennedy singing clip again and then asked if he could start the news or if he had to take a break. Fred said they should break so that's what they did.
Artie said he's got a case there but it's just another thing that might stress him out. Howard said he figures that the guy who crated that show for TV probably saw his show and just stole the idea from him. He said that the guy must know in the back of his head that he stole it from him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Howard didn't create it either. He said there was a show back in the 60s who did a ''Who's Smarter than a 5th Grader'' show. The guy said that he would just give people 5th grader like questions. Howard said that he actually put people up against kids. Howard said that he's had people come to him to do shows that he's created and when he turns them down, they just go off and do them anyway.
Howard said that this 5th grader show is really bothering him and he has to do something about it. He said he's trying not to get so worked up about stuff like this but he can't help it. He said that he tries not to care but he really does.
Howard said that they've done a lot of segments that could have been hit shows. He said he did an American Idol-like show way back in 1980.
Fred told Howard that the show is a Mark Burnett show. Howard said he thinks that Mark is a fan of his too. He said that the guy is probably rolling in dough because of that show.
A caller asked if they put any kind of registration on the show. the guy said that they have to do that to stop people from taking ideas like that. Howard said that just putting it on the air is like registering it. Howard said that all of his shows are copyrighted. He ended up hanging up on the guy because he had him losing his case. Howard said that the guy wasn't even a lawyer and he was probably just an idiot like himself.
Howard said that when his dad came to him and told him he loved that 5th grader show it really drove him nuts. Howard said he figures that some lawyer will tell him he doesn't own his own show. Fred said that one of the creators of the show grew up in Long Island. Howard figured that the guy had to have heard or seen his show.
Richard came in and said that nothing crazy happened down there. He said that he had a good time with the guys and that was it. Steve said that he still seems to be very uptight about it and he keeps repeating that there is no story. Steve said that Richard saying there is no story is interesting and that's why they're following this story. Gary said that Steve thinks that if you say there is no story, that there is some story behind that.
Richard said that he gave Steve all of the boring details of the trip down there and he still thinks that there's something going on there. Steve said that sometimes there are bigger stories than people let on. He said that John Mainelli said there was no story with him but it turned out there was. Artie said that he thinks that Richard got fucked in his ass down there or something.
Steve said that Kenneth Keith Kallenbach's mother has thanked Howard for calling her and they'll have more on that. Steve said that High Pitch Mike is getting weird again and has offered to ride the Sybian if Barack Obama gets elected President. Howard said that he might have to vote for Obama then.
Jason came in and said that Mike has issues with black people and he's said some stuff on the air about them that's kind of odd. He said that he's pulling some audio of him from years ago for Howard to play on the air.
Mike came in and said that Jason is putting words in his mouth. He said he never said that he would never vote for a black person, he just said he doesn't think that America will vote him in. Mike told Jason not to put words in his mouth like he does with other people. He blamed Jason for causing the Sal and Artie fight with the CD being thrown. Mike said that Jason snapped at him yesterday but he wrote an apology note to him after doing that.
Howard asked Mike about the Obama thing and why he thinks he's not prepared. Mike said that Obama has only been in his job for as long as Howard has been at SIRIUS so he doesn't have the experience.
Mike accused Steve of calling Hillary Clinton a dyke but Steve insisted that he did not say that. Jason and Steve both said that Mike makes racist comments about people in the office all the time. Mike and Jason went back and forth about that for a short time. Howard asked Mike if he thinks he's racist. Mike said that if he were racist, he wouldn't come in and fawn all over a black rapper like he did with Reverend Run.
Mike said that he got a note from a fan who saw Artie at the Westbury show and when someone yelled out his name, Artie said something about him being out fucking a 14 year old. Artie said that he didn't say that, he said it was a 13 year old. The two of them started to get into it with each other so Howard told them to stay away from each other. Artie said that Mike says stupid things and he's just a cross-eyed racist. Howard said he can't solve this whole thing.
Howard said he didn't want Artie and Mike to get into it so he stopped Artie from attacking Mike. Artie said that he wasn't upset and he would never insult a gay guy. Artie said that the entire crowd hates Mike and they were the ones who brought it up.
Artie kept saying that he wanted to say what he said about Mike but Howard kept cutting him off saying he didn't want to hear it.
Steve wrapped up his news preview and then Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran down the stuff they were going to try to cover today.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he got a great deal for his SIRIUS subscription when he renewed. He said that he wants to buy one of the t-shirts that Mike wanted to start selling that said he had fucked Artie's sister.
Steve the Intern came in with his Intern Show preview. He ran though what they were going to be doing and got in a plug for the show which is on tonight at 7pm on Howard 101.
Ralph called in and said that Artie is right about Mike and he's just wrong about this stuff that he says on the air. Howard said that he's just afraid that Artie is going to snap and start throwing stuff at him. Artie kept saying he won't attack a cross-eyed gay guy. Artie said that if Mike keeps bringing that stuff up then this is never going to go away.
Artie said that Mike just says stuff that he shouldn't say. He was accusing Jason's mother of being suicidal and that's not right.
Robin started her news off with a story about Shania Twain getting a divorce from Mutt Lang. They spent some time on that story and that led to Artie talking about Dana a little bit. He said he just found a picture of the two of them together at Ross' wedding and it was kind of sad. He said that he was thin back then. He said the only thing that made him feel better was that Wayne Segal was behind them. That led to Artie talking about how he never cut off his cleaning woman from going to Dana's place but Dana did. Artie said that if she hadn't cut it off, she'd probably keep going over there until he was like 50 years old.
Artie said that his cleaning lady used to ask him if he was going to marry Dana. He said he would just say he didn't know. The cleaning lady once told him that Dana was crying for him after she had been over there after the break up. He said he really didn't need that and he's thinking that the woman just wants them to get back together.
Artie said that he wants to have kids but Howard told him that he really doesn't need that. He told him he's got his freedom and he shouldn't give that up. He said that he's going to have to drop every part of his lifestyle and there's no way he can do it because he's too selfish. Howard said that he's the same way. Artie thinks that if he has a kid it would stop him from doing all of the bad things that he does. Howard doesn't think that's going to help because then the kid would have the pressure on him to be the thing that keeps Artie straight.
Robin said that sometimes this is what people need in their lives to settle down. Robin said that happened with Fred. Howard said that Fred is the kind of guy who stands by a wall waiting for something to do. He said that Artie is too busy for a kid. He said that Fred has nothing going on in his life.
Howard told Artie to take High Pitch Mike home and show him some unconditional love and that would prove to him that he could handle a kid. Fred disagreed with him on that and said that they should build a wall between them and stay away from one another.
Robin got back to her news and read through some more stories about R. Kelly, the Iraq war, Nick Hogan, Spike Lee getting upset with Clint Eastwood for not putting black people in his movies. She also had some news about Willie Randolph, a congressman who was found to have been cheating on his wife, Ted Kennedy's brain cancer, the presidential primaries and some other political news.
Robin had some news about last night's American Idol. She played some clips from the show. They spent a little time on that. They talked about some of the past winners of the show and then wrapped up the show and ended it around 10:30am.
Jon talked about some of the other stuff that Ventura did in his career like some of his acting roles. He even worked with Governor Schwarzenegger. They talked about how remarkable it is that both of them went on to become Governors. The guys talked about some other celebrities who ran for public office and got elected.
Jon brought up some of the stuff Ventura was saying about 9/11 and how much it can piss people off. Gary said he's in an e-mail war with one of his neighbors who is kind of condescending toward him with that 9/11 stuff. Gary said that Popular Mechanics debunked the conspiracy stories and the neighbor tells him that the magazine is a government magazine so of course they're going to do that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he remembered Jesse being asked by Larry King if he would run for president and he said something about leaving the country if he didn't run. Gary said that they'll have him on to talk about that sometime in the future. Artie was doing his impression of Ventura throughout the discussion.
Jon and the guys talked about Ventura living down in Baja for half the year and how he seems to be able to do whatever he wants.
Another caller brought up the movie ''Loose Change'' and how that can point out a lot of the stuff that happened on 9/11 and how there is a lot of stuff that needs to be looked at. He said that it'll make you think about it in much more depth. Jon cut him off and said that you should check it out and form your own opinions about it.
Gary and Artie talked about how they don't believe any of that stuff and they're just going to stick with the original story the way it appeared to happen on TV. Artie said that there are 3000 people who are gone now and something happened there. Gary said that there are people who think that they were killed but it was all a set up. Benjy said that some people say that it's the government trying to throw people off the real case so they're putting out these other stories to confuse people.
Artie said that he thinks Howard was basically trying to tell him in a friendly way that he's a ridiculous mess and he shouldn't go through with that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he straightened his life out once he had his kids. He was a coke addict until he was 37 and he thinks that it will help Artie out if he does have kids. He said that he kind of knows what Artie has been through and he thinks that he'll be great at being a father.
Gary told Artie he doesn't want to wait too long because he remembers seeing a guy when he was a kid and he looked like he was an old man. Artie said that even if he had a kid tomorrow he's going to be 52 when he has a 12 year old. He said that he'll look like he's 83 at that time probably.
Gary asked Artie if he thinks that those reasons are why Jackie could never get onto those late night shows he wanted to be on so badly. Artie said that's exactly why. He said that Jackie is great on stage doing what he does but those shows don't want that on TV. Artie said that some people are happy with a career like that though.
Artie said that there was that other extreme with that top 25 list they read earlier in the morning where they had people who aren't that well known on a list of people who are supposed to be the funniest in the country. Artie said he thinks that's just Entertainment Weekly's way to trying to be cool by naming some of those people to the list.
Gary read the list of people on the list and talked about how Jason yelled at him for being old because he didn't know some of the names on the list. The guys talked about the type of people on that list and how they seem to be on there because they're a certain type of comedian. Artie said that the list is clearly skewed toward a certain group of people.
Artie said that Mike always goes to places where he shouldn't with other people's families. He said that's really not right to do. Ronnie came in and said that Mike does have to stop with the attacking of people's families because that's not cool. He said that he should stick to goofing on Artie and not his family.
Benjy said that Mike was saying that Artie took it out of the show when he said something about him at a comedy show. Ronnie said that he was attacking Mike though, not attacking his family. Benjy said that everyone has an Achilles heel and with some it's the family.
Artie said that Benjy is like that and he won't let them say a name of someone in his family. Benjy claimed that was just a joke. Gary said that they do joke about Sal and his wife but Sal brought that into the show. He said that if he hadn't done that then they wouldn't be talking about her with Sal.
Benjy said that everyone was afraid that Artie was going to snap with Mike and that's why they tried to stop them from getting each other worked up even more. Artie threw in another joke about Mike being HIV Positive but then said that he wasn't HIV Positive and it was probably more like full blown AIDS. Gary asked him not to go there.
Shuli said that Mike is hurt by those comments and maybe that's why he goes where he does with his comments about Artie's family. Gary asked that Mike not be allowed to come in to talk about this stuff because they didn't want anyone getting into a fight.
Ronnie said that he saw Artie's face change when Mike said what he did about the t-shirt with Artie's sister on it. Artie said he didn't think that was true. Artie went on to insist that he wouldn't attack Mike in the studio, but he wouldn't mind hiring someone to do it outside of the studio.
Jason came in and said that Mike seems to know where the nuclear bomb is with Artie and he always goes for that when he fights with Artie.
Gary said that Artie does have some nuances with the way he fucks with Mike but he doesn't go after his family and Mike does. Gary said that Artie's sister is not a character on the show and maybe Mike should just stop talking to Artie on the air.
Benjy thinks that they'd be coddling Artie if they stopped doing that stuff. Gary said that they went to a place with Sal's kids at one of the roasts. They had a conversation about it and have not gone back to that since then. He wondered if that was coddling Sal. Benjy gave an explanation for what he thought would happen if they were coddling Artie but no one understood what he was talking about.
Artie said that Mike is a little rat fuck who doesn't have a wit about him and he always tries to find that Achilles heel and goes to places he shouldn't. Jason said that his mother was attacked but he didn't want to come in and get into it with him. Jason said that Mike jumps from 0 to 1000 and there is no in between with that guy.
Ronnie said that Mike should be in the news room doing his news. Artie said that he should be in a psych ward in a straight jacket so he doesn't hurt himself.
The guys were also talking about the story about Steve Langford that Mike brought up. He claimed that Steve had called Hillary Clinton a dyke. Steve denied that at the time so Jon asked him to come in and talk about that some more.
Steve said that he never had that conversation with Mike about Hillary and he does not remember ever doing anything like that. He said that he doesn't believe that he's making it up but he does not believe that he's ever used that term. He said that he has never even used the ''D-word'' about anyone.
Artie asked Steve if he could have said it and he just doesn't remember it. Steve said that he doesn't remember doing it and Michael is the one saying that it did happen. Steve said that he has not been complimentary about that person but he doesn't recall saying anything like Mike claimed he did. Steve seemed to be going around in circles with his story so the guys were kind of goofing on him about that. Gary said that the news team has a mole in the office but they're all moles.
Gary said that there are some funny things going on in that news room and it's not surprising since there are 5 people crammed into a tiny room the size of a broom closet. He said that they're like astronauts stuck in a space capsule. He said that it's too small of a space.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Artie is never the one who draws first blood. It's the other guys who go off on him and start shit with him. Gary said that they could say that Artie started this one today because of the joke he told at the comedy show over the weekend.
High Pitch Mike came in and said that he wanted to correct Gary on something. He said that the clip they had about him talking about the black president thing was a joke. He said that he was just joking in that 10 year old clip they had and then there's a clip from the Intern Show that's something else.
Jason said that the clip that they pulled from 1998 had Mike saying that he ''hoped not'' when he was asked if he thought there would ever be a black president. Mike said that he saw the video and he doesn't think that he said that and it was said in a different way.
Mike said that he and Artie do hate each other but he really hates walking in on Monday morning and reading that Artie was joking about him having sex with a 14 year old. Artie said that he never said that he was and the fan was lying about that. He said that's not what he said and explained what his joke was.
Gary asked Mike who he is digging these days because he seems to hate everyone on the show. Mike said he doesn't hate the guys. Mike had taken a shot at Benjy when Benjy asked him a question and Gary didn't understand why he did that.
Mike said that he goes for the stuff that offends people the most. Artie asked him why he doesn't stop doing that stuff when he doesn't get a laugh. Artie told him that he's not a funny guy.
Artie said that he'd like to meet Mike's family so he can write stuff down about his family and goof on them the way he does about his sister. Mike said that Artie's sister is a character on the show but Gary said that's not true and the only reason she is on the show is because Mike keeps bringing her up.
Gary said that Artie's sister isn't a character on the show. Artie said he'd be fine with it if he could just have lunch with Mike's family so he can write some jokes about them.
Mike said that he was upset that they were putting words in his mouth and that's why he came in there. Artie asked him what he wanted in his mouth if it wasn't those words. There was some snickering after that.
Artie said that he can just ask Mike some questions about his family and asked if his family all have the crossed eyes and take it up the ass like he does. Mike said he had to go back to doing the news and left.
A caller said that he thinks that Artie did start in on Mike today. Artie said that Mike was the one who started it and wondered what this guy was talking about. The caller said that Artie did ask Mike what he wanted in his mouth during that segment so he did start it.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that she's so glad that Artie and Mike are fighting again. She went on to say that she was afraid that they weren't going to do that anymore but it's music to her ears now that they are.
Another caller said that he wanted to punch Mike in the face and he doesn't even know the guy. Artie told him to go ahead. Gary asked him not to. Another caller said that Mike is a piece of shit and all he does is spit venom at the other people's families. Artie said that this is the kind of stuff that the crowds yell out during the comedy shows. They had to go to break a short time later.
Shuli said that when it comes to defending yourself it seems that Mike doesn't know how to do that very well. He said that maybe he should just not bring it up on the air when he gets an e-mail like he got from the fans.
A caller asked if Mike goes off on Artie off the air like he does on the air. The guys said that Mike doesn't do that off the air but he's not a phony when it comes to that stuff. He stays pissed off on and off the air. Teddy said that Mike was trying to talk to Artie at a Christmas party but Artie just blew him off and kept the fight going.
Another caller said that he thinks that Artie kind of ruined the show when he attacked Teddy. He seemed to want to hear more fighting between the two today.
Jon played a clip of Howard asking Nicole some of the questions he had for her. Artie was getting upset in that clip about how she was going to make him take a test before licking his ass.
The guys talked about some of the stuff that Nicole agreed to do and how surprised they were to hear her say that she'd be willing to do them.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that maybe they could have that chick eat Jeff the Drunk's dead arm. Gary said that might not be out of the question with her since she was willing to eat human flesh.
Gary talked about how they all have their own thresholds for gross stuff on the show and how KC was always afraid of bugs so he would handle that for him and KC would handle any vomiting stuff for him.
Jon asked the guys if they would be willing to do anything to meet a celebrity. Gary said that there's nothing all that crazy that he would do to meet Bruce Springsteen or anything like that.
Jon asked Gary what he thinks Jon Bon Jovi would think of that. Gary said he might be amused but he probably wouldn't support them making her do anything too crazy.
Shuli said that he remembered one guy who wrote in and told them that he was willing to do anything to be in porn and Howard prank called him and the guy was willing to do just about anything.
A caller said that he works in the same building as Evil Dave and he saw him there recently so he can't imagine hew as fired. Gary said that the got in touch with him and everything is fine.
Sal said that he was there to entertain the audience and not be critiqued by Greg Fitzsimmons. He said he wishes him luck with everything but he just wants to do his thing and not have someone like Greg making statements about him like he did. He told him that he doesn't want him back stabbing him the way he did either.
Sal said that he was trying to make some clever jokes and that's all he was doing. He said he didn't care if the jokes were considered racist or not because he was making people laugh. He said he had people of all types coming up to him after the show telling him that he did a great job.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he thought Sal was the best by far and Greg was at the bottom of the list. Shuli said he thought that Fitzsimmons was great. Shuli said that Greg was great but Sal did kill and he should get the credit for it and not get goofed on the way Greg did. He thinks that Greg should have said he killed. The guys told Shuli that Greg did say that Sal killed before he went off on him about the other stuff.
Gary said that he's heard that he's doing a great job but he hasn't seen him lately. He said that he has laughed at some of his stuff in the past though.
Sal said that he goes to these different places and he writes jokes about those towns in his hotel room. Gary said that he was basically saying that he was writing jokes based on where the black areas were in those towns. Sal said he goes out and asks about that stuff and really wants to know what's going on there. That's his shtick and that's how he relates to the people out in the different markets.
Jon took a call from a guy who pointed out that Sal is two faced as well and said that one example was when he apologized to Beth for calling her a horse face and then went right back out to a comedy show and did it again. He also did the Beer League thing where he told Artie it was a great movie but then went off on Artie and said the movie sucked. Sal said that he did have poor judgment with the Beth thing and it was probably his own insecurities that made him do it. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started off the show talking to Artie about last night's American Idol. He said that Bruce Springsteen was on there and Artie said that he'd ride the Sybian if he ever did that. Artie sounded shocked and saddened when he heard that.
Howard played the audio clip of the performance but Artie knew that it was an edit and that it was faked. Richard was the one who put it together thinking that he did a good enough Ryan Sea crest that Artie wouldn't recognize it. Artie said that the crowd was too loud when he introduced Bruce so he kind of knew it from that as well.
Howard said that he saw George Michael on the show last night and it was very sad to see him. Gary said that he was as good looking as that guy now and he was right. Howard said there's nothing sadder than an old queen. Artie said that Mark Harris is another one who is just sad now that he's getting old.
Howard continued to play the Bruce clip that Richard had created. He had never heard that version of the song he was playing.
Howard said that last night's American Idol was 2 hours long and Graham Nash came out and performed with a girl. Artie said that kind of bummed him out. Howard said it was a bummer because he's a huge fan of Crosby Stills and Nash. Artie said he likes them too and that really bums him out.
Howard told Artie that he finally framed the Neil Young picture that he gave him for Christmas one year. He said that he actually likes the picture now. Artie really went off on him when Howard said that he didn't like the picture as a gift that year.
Howard talked about the winner of American Idol and how Robin had said that the kid wasn't that bad. Howard said that they let Mike Myers come on to promote his new movie for like 10 minutes. He said the movie looks really bad too. He said he did a couple of funny things but then he kept repeating the same joke over and over again. He said he likes Mike Myers but he's not sure about this movie. He said he wasn't funny on American Idol either.
Howard said that he was fast forwarding through American Idol because he was getting laid in the middle of it. Beth came home drunk last night so he figured she ''needed it'' and gave it to her. He said that she had alcohol breath and he knew that she'd be into it.
Howard said that Carrie Underwood used to be a chubby girl when she won American Idol but she's really hot now. He said that she looked every bit as good as Robin did on The View with that weird dress she was wearing.
Howard mentioned that he talked to a lawyer about the ''Are You Smarter Than a 5th grader'' show and he does have a suit there. He didn't spend a lot of time on that subject though.
Howard said that Beth went to lunch with this woman Deb Minokia and she wanted to throw the shower too. Beth didn't want her doing that so she came home and told Howard that maybe he should pay for it. Howard wondered how he got involved in that. He said that she told him that he should pay for it and he wondered if that's what Robin was going for. Robin said that she would never do that.
Howard said he thought it would be nice for Beth to have a shower but she really doesn't want it. Robin said that she will throw her a free party then and not give Beth anything. Howard said he was up late last night watching American Idol to see who the winner was. He said he fast forwarded through most of it though.
Gary asked Howard if he went to bed right after it was over and the entire newscast had a square of the Idol Cam showing the red carpet with people walking by. He said that most of the people weren't even celebrities.
Howard said that the Hottest Chick/Ugliest Scar contest is coming up today. He played the theme song for the game.
JD came in and told Howard that he has pulled some audio but he hasn't set it up yet. Howard said he's going to make plans to spend some time with JD this summer. He told Sal not to get any funny ideas about hanging out with him.
Artie said that he took JD home from his gig this weekend and dropped him off so he could go right to work that night.
JD said that he had some Eric the Midget's Idol Show audio clips to play but nothing from American Idol itself yet. Fred played JD's latest techno song that he likes so Howard ended up singing along to that doing his JD impression. Howard threw in all kinds of references to JD's life and the way he gets treated by people. Artie got in on that as well and sang some stuff with Howard. Fred was playing JD's laugh along to the music as well. Everyone was getting in on it and goofing on JD about everything they could think of that JD has talked about on the air. They made fun of the school he went to, his family, the kind of chicks he likes and a lot more.
Howard asked what song that was. Fred said it was ''Battle Royal'' by Does It Offend You. Fred played it again and Howard sang some more stuff along with the song. Artie threw in one reference to JD's father and how he was a crack addict so Howard asked if that was true. He said that he didn't know about that and asked JD if that was true. Howard moved on to the Eric the Midget stuff but had some trouble with it because his page was moving around.
JD came back in so Howard asked him how he can like that music. JD said he likes the drum part but not the whole song. Howard had his favorite song to play for JD. It was a Baba Booey song parody to the tune of the theme song from ''Dirty Dancing.'' Robin said that it was fun to watch Gary while that song played. That led to some other Baba Booey clips. Fred was playing Gary's original time saying ''Baba Booey'' on the air. Howard goofed on Gary about that and explained how he screwed up the name Baba Looey with the Baba Booey thing. Artie said that might be the most popular name in show business at this point.
Howard said that the saddest thing was when JD's dad made JD number four on his Myspace friend list. Now JD is the number one person on that list.
Howard asked JD about his drinking and how he used to be sober all the time until he started working with them. JD said that he doesn't drink while he's at work with Artie at the comedy shows. He said that Artie is the priority there and he has to make sure he's sober for him.
Howard said that he loves Artie's entourage. He said that's a show he'd watch right there. Artie's Entourage. He said that Doug Goodstein was talking about doing more original programming and that's one show that they could do.
Howard mentioned that week 2 of the Bowling Beauties is up on Howard TV now. He mentioned that they have a new show coming up tomorrow morning as well. They're going to have the ''Best of the Week'' show in the morning instead of Master Tape Theatre. (Master Tape is moving to afternoons on 101).
Howard had Eric the Midget on the line so he asked him if he was happy with the outcome of American Idol last night. Eric said he was glad that the guy who won actually won. Howard had some clips from Eric's Idol Show coverage. He said that he heard the replay last night and he sees why the fans don't want Eric on too long. He said that they have to keep his calls short. Eric told the fans to shut the fuck up. Then he told Artie to shut the fuck up too when Artie said that he didn't want to hear him on too long either.
Howard said that he had some clips of Jimmy Kimmel doing American Idol and asked Eric what he thought about that appearance. Eric said that he didn't think he was funny at all and didn't laugh at him once. Artie asked him when he does laugh. Eric said that he watches sitcoms and does laugh at ''Everybody Hates Chris'' and ''Two and a Half Men.''
Artie figured that Chris Rock would be into the really big money once his show hits syndication. Eric said that they're going into their 4th season this year and he has a couple more to go before Syndication. Artie said that Chris has been in the business for a really long time and he still claims that he doesn't have a lot of money.
Howard asked Eric what his favorite part of Idol was last night. He mentioned Carrie Underwood so they spent a minute talking about that. Howard also asked Eric about his model search and how that's going. Eric said that he hasn't started the tour yet.
Howard played some of Eric's show where he was talking about Carrie Underwood. Eric and his co-host, King, were talking about Carrie and talking over one another. Howard pointed that out and Eric said they were having some lagging problems with their feed last night. That's why they were talking over each other.
Howard played another clip where Eric was kicking people out of his chat room. We heard Eric kicking Joey Boots out of the chat for typing in ''Ack, ack.'' Eric booted him out for that. Howard asked Eric why he does that. Eric said he thinks that sound is retarded.
Howard asked Eric what he had on his lips this morning because they looked shiny. Eric said he didn't have anything on them. Artie asked him if he had blown a clown or an American Indian because his lips looked so red. Howard asked him if he's trying to get a sponsorship from a lipstick maker.
Robin asked Eric if he had some kind of gloss on his lips. Eric said he didn't have anything on there. He said there's nothing on there except for skin. Howard said that he had really red lips and he had never noticed that before.
Howard said that Joey Boots got kicked from the chat just for saying ''Ack, ack?'' Eric said that's right. JD said he's heard that Eric has kicked out over 4000 people from his chat. Eric was saying in the clip that it might not even be the real Joey Boots. Then King told Eric that he was up to over 4000 kicks since they started.
Howard said it must feel great for Eric to be able to kick people and have that power. He said that he's like the ''Cyber Iron Man'' in that way. Eric said that it is kind of nice that he has that power. Howard asked if he likes playing God. Eric said that maybe that is true.
Howard had Carrie Underwood on the phone for Eric. It was actually High Pitch Eric. Eric told Howard that this is why yesterday's segment went so wrong because he lets stupid shit like this on the air. Eric wasn't playing along with High Pitch so Howard let High Pitch go.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Eric if he was wearing a dress with that lipstick. Eric asked him if he's a stupid fucking asshole. The guy asked Eric if he has down syndrome because he falls for stuff so easy. The caller thinks that Gary the Retard is even less gullible than Eric the Midget is. Eric said Gary fell for that flu thing with Richard.
The caller told Eric that he was a retard so Eric told him to get off the fucking phone. JD said that guy would have gotten kicked out of his chat room if he had been in there. Howard congratulated Eric on the show and started to wrap up with him. Eric said he had some more clips that he wanted to hear. He got all pissed when Howard didn't play them and started to yell at them to play it.
Howard asked why he should play it. Eric told him to just play the clip now, in a very angry voice. He said that the clip had something to do with the Taxi Driver thing and that's why he wanted them to play it. Howard told Eric he had to go but Eric and JD were arguing about this question.
Eric said that he's not doing Taxi Driver now. He said he's tired of being asked about the Taxi Driver thing and that's why he's not going to be doing it now. JD said that Eric hates answering the same questions over and over again so that's why he's not going to do it. Howard said that Eric thinks that everyone knows the answers to all of the questions.
Howard asked Eric if he thinks that everyone listens to every minute of the show and knows the answers to all of that. Eric said that Howard seems to think that they are. Eric asked if they're off next week. Howard said that they are. Eric said that he was hoping to do a show for them while they're off. Artie told him that he's boring after about 3 seconds on the air so they don't want him doing that.
Howard told Eric that it won't happen and he won't be doing a fill in show. He asked the guys if they could imagine a 4 hour fill in show with Eric hosting. He told Eric that he's not dependable and his internet radio show is very disjointed. He told him that if he gets naked and fucks his bed right then, he'd give him the show. Eric said he wasn't going to do that.
Howard told Eric he can't do that but thanked him for the offer. He said he had to move on because they have a very busy show coming up.
Eric said that he hasn't head from Johnny Fratto for a few days and he thinks that it's because Johnny is going to be having another baby and he's too busy to take his calls. Artie told Eric he wouldn't have time to call him back because he's too busy breathing. Howard asked why Johnny would be having another kid. He thought that he had already had too many.
Howard tried to wrap up with Eric but he and Artie were going back and forth insulting each other. Artie would say goodbye to him and then Eric would call him names.
Howard played a clip from American Idol where ZZ Top was performing. He kept Eric on the line while he played that. The guys picked apart that performance and talked about how great the band was and how bad the singer was. Howard said that Graham Nash performing was really depressing to him. He played that clip as well. Robin let out an ''Ugh!'' when she heard that song starting. Artie said that it's depressing that those songs are from an era that was so anti-American Idol.
Howard had some of George Michael's performance from last night's Idol. He said that it was very sad to see him looking like the old Queen that he is. He played the song and said that he was out as soon as he heard the ''Whoa ooo ohhh''' part. He cut that off quickly and then played some audio of Paula Abdul talking about the contestants. Howard said that they really have to get rid of her and Randy because their opinions really don't matter. He said they have nothing to say in those shows.
Howard asked Eric what he's still doing on the phone. Eric told Artie that he had better get ready to ride on the Sybian because Bruce Springsteen may be on next year. Artie said he hopes that Bruce has too much pride to do that show. Artie said that it would really hurt if that happened. Robin said that Bruce has complained that he doesn't have many young fans so he could end up doing the show.
Artie said he was obsessing on how people are going to think that he's got too many problems to have kids. Howard told him that he has to straighten out before he goes out and has kids. Artie said that when he and Sal were arguing they were talking about how his kids might end up with downs syndrome.
Howard let Eric go and finally hung up with him. Eric wasn't even able to get in his good bye because he was taking too long.
Howard said that he just found out that Mike Piazza had retired and he had no idea. Artie said that when you're a catcher the bending over and kneeling down is really what knocks a guy out. They can't last that long playing.
Howard did a little bit of his Kennedy impression. He was doing his usual ''Er-uh'' stuff and throwing out some jokes about the poon tang that the family has gotten. He even threw in a joke about how Ted might ask for his Senate seat to be filled by Howard Stern's megaphone.
Howard said he had to take a break but they ended up talking about guys who cheat on their wives. He said that it can motivate your wife to look better if you do that. He said that Elliot Spitzer's wife really snapped to it after all of that prostitution stuff went down. The guys were all doing their Kennedy impressions but Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Lisa said they have news about Robin being a nominee for the PETA vegetarian of the year. She said that she's up against some women like Hayden Panitierre and Alyssa Milano. You can vote for Robin at PETA.com. Howard ended up goofing on Robin a little bit about what her acceptance speech might be like. He was making stuff up that Robin claimed that she never said about her enemas and stuff like that.
Artie had a new sandwich that he really liked. Doug Goodstein had brought it in for him so Howard said he loves that Doug is offering Artie food. He said that Doug is fucked up. Doug said that this is the best thing ever. Howard told him that he knows the guy is eating too much and he shouldn't be giving him more food.
Doug said that the sandwich came from the Majestic Deli which is where they get their breakfast from. Howard said that he might as well give him a bottle of scotch. Then Howard realized that he had already done that.
Lisa said that they have a story about some fans of Artie's who had an ''Artie Party'' where they had people dress up like Artie and ate the same kind of food he eats as they watched his meltdown episode on Howard TV.
Artie said that they invited him to one of those parties one time and he asked how much they'd pay him. He said that they wanted him to bring the beer.
Dannia said that she sees shadows around him and it looks kind of like a bubble that was blown around him. Howard asked her if she sees anything around Artie. She said that everyone has angels around them. Howard said that her scar runs the length of her belly.
Howard said she had cancer when she was a little baby and she used to be self conscious of the scar but not so much anymore. Artie said it was a great story because she's still here. Dannia said that she doesn't have much contact with her family now and she hasn't spoken to her parents for over a year. She said that they're devout Jehovah's witnesses and she's not.
Howard said that Dannia was also in a car accident a couple of years ago and she also had some other scars from other surgeries that she had to have. She had to have an emergency C-section when she was pregnant.
Howard said that they were looking for the woman with the ugliest scar who was the hottest. He told her that she is hot but they had to see her scars. Dannia opened her robe and Howard said she had some big boobs. She said they're real too. Gary said the scar had to be at least 20 inches long. Howard said she had a great ass and there was no scar on that.
Up next was Megan who Howard said looked like a young Kathie Lee Gifford. She seemed to be insulted by that but Howard meant it in a positive way. He said that she was born with her intestines outside of her body. She said that they didn't give her a good prognosis when she was born because of that. Megan said that she does have to make sure she has a lot of fiber. The doctors didn't put her intestines in neatly so she can't be constipated.
Megan's had a lot of surgeries to fix her intestines so she's had a lot of scarring on her stomach. Megan said that she has to warn guys before she gets naked for them. She said that some guys don't care and they've actually told her that the scar is kind of cool.
Howard asked if any guys have ever vomited when they see the scar. She said that has never happened. Megan said that she never wears a bikini so she didn't even have one today.
Megan said she's a personal assistant so this Artie and Teddy thing is really cracking her up. She said that she knows that Artie needs a lot of good help and she gets like $30-$50 an hour for doing what she does.
Howard asked Megan to show her scar. He said that it was some scar when she showed it. Howard told Dannia to run for the hills when he saw that. Megan told Howard where all of the scars came from and pointed them all out. Howard said that's going to be a hard one to beat. Artie said that she's basically a miracle baby.
Howard said it was time for the third finalist in the contest. He said that the next one was Danielle who had surgery to remove her gall bladder. She's only 24 now and had been pregnant at 21. 6 months after her daughter was born she had to go in for this simple surgery but they ended up piercing her heart and she died on the table. Howard cut her off and asked why she didn't have an abortion at 21. She said she doesn't believe in that and she loves her daughter.
Howard asked Danielle if she died, is she really able to compete in this. Danielle continued her story and talked about how she had died on the table twice and she didn't see any kind of afterlife or anything like that. She said that she's going to sue the surgeon who did that to her. She's got an 8 inch scar on her stomach now because of that.
Danielle used to model but now she's an office manager. Howard told her that she's definitely a hot chick but they had to see her scar. She showed the guys her scar but Howard said that the scar wasn't as bad as some but she's really hot. The scar was pretty deep according to Howard and Artie. Danielle said that she still gets a lot of offers from guys even with the scar. Howard said that's crazy that they took her belly button and seemed to move it to the wrong place. Danielle said that the surgery was done by a general surgeon and not a plastic surgeon. Howard told Danielle that her scar was worthy of the contest.
Howard had the next girl come in. The woman was Tiffany and she had half of her face torn off at some point in her life. Robin said that one side was beautiful and the other was a mess. Gary said that she's kind of like Merryl Streep.
Howard talked to Tiffany about the accident she had and she told him that she had a bunch of guys proposing to her after the accident. She said that she was 17 years old when the accident happened. She said that she didn't remember the car crash and didn't know what had happened to her face. She wasn't upset about it at all. Howard said that he curses his face every day and he wasn't even in an accident.
Howard said that if half of his face was torn off he can't imagine going on. Howard said it doesn't sound realistic when she talks about that the way she does. Tiffany said that she became a stunt driver after that.
Howard asked Tiffany about her sex life and found out that she doesn't give oral sex. She said that it hurts to give oral because her lip was ripped off in the accident. She said that she would rather not have it anyway. Artie said that it sucks that a chick like that can't give oral but she can still talk.
Howard had Tiffany show off her body for the guys. He said that he could give it to her hard and very fast. Tiffany told Howard that Beth is a very fortunate woman. Artie said that even he would marry Howard.
Richie Wilson came in and asked if any of the girls wanted to take their tops off. Dannia said she'd do it but she took the top off and then covered up her boobs. Howard told her she didn't have to take the top off but it might help her out with the voting. She decided to put the top back on.
Howard was ready to vote so he was going to go around the room and ask the guys who they were going to pick. Gary asked what carries more weight, being hot or the scar. Howard told him to vote 5 points for the hotness and 5 for the ugliest scar.
Howard was going to go first but Robin told him not to. She told Artie to go first. Artie said he was going to go with a chick who was really hot and had a scar that would scare you. He said that the winner was Danielle to him. He said that they're all beautiful but she was a model and the scar might startle some people.
The next vote was from Robin. She said that you're not going to get that freaked out by Danielle's scar so she talked about how startling Tiffany would be if you walked up behind her on a beach. She's got that scar on her face so she had to give her a vote.
Howard had Gary go next. Gary said he wasn't sure who to pick because Danielle had a 5 for looks. Her scar wasn't the worst of the bunch. He said that the worst scar there was Megan's to him. He said that he was going to go with Tiffany though.
Fred was next and he said that three of the girls wouldn't even be a speed bump with him and that included Tiffany. He said that Megan's scar is the thing that would stop him so he was giving her his vote.
Howard said that he was going to let Benjy vote but didn't want him to drag it out. Benjy went through each of the girls and gave his thoughts on the scars. He said it came down to Megan and Tiffany for him. He started to ask them to cover up their scars but Howard told him not to drag it out. Benjy gave his vote to Megan.
Howard said he wasn't going to drag it out either. He said that Danielle is a raving beauty and he thinks that most men wouldn't care about the scar because she's so hot. He told her that she's really beautiful but the scar wouldn't slow him down at all. He told Dannia how hot she was and how cute Megan was. He said that she's an extremely cute girl.
Howard said that it came down to Tiffany and Megan. He said that he was going to give one of the two his vote. He said that he'd have to go with Tiffany. That meant that she had just won $5,000. The sponsor of this contest was World Extreme Cage Fighting. Howard said that Tiffany can't hide her scar and that's one reason he had to go with her.
Howard said that they had one of the fighters, Brian Stan, from the World Extreme Cage Fighting in to promote some upcoming fights. Howard spent a minute talking to that guy about his time served in Iraq as a Marine and things like that. Howard asked him about the mixed martial arts stuff that he does. He asked Brian what he thinks of the war over there. Brian said that he thinks that they should finish the war now that they're already over there.
Howard asked Brian if he thinks they should have gone over there to begin with. Brian gave his thoughts on all of that. Gary said that Danielle hadn't taken her eyes off of him the whole time. Brian spent a few minutes talking to Brian about the war, the Marines and the cage fighting stuff.
Brian claimed that he fought 15 gang members at the same time once. Howard that a bunch of the women in the room probably just orgasmed hearing that. Howard told Brian that he's a ''real man'' unlike Brian in the studio.
Howard asked Brian about the kind of guns he was using over there in Iraq. He also figured that he wasn't afraid of black people or anyone like that. He asked Brian about his next fight which is coming up in August on the Versus network.
Brian's wife is a former cheerleader. Brian said that he had to be persistent with his wife to pick her up. She said no to him at first when he tried to ask her out.
Howard said that he felt sorry for Brian if he didn't get to kill anyone over in Iraq. Brian gestured that he had killed some people so Howard was wrong about that.
Artie talked about how he feels kind of like a pussy for going over to Iraq to just do the comedy show over there. Brian told Artie that he should be fine over there when he goes. Howard asked Brian where you jerk off when you're over there. Brian said that you have to find a port-a-John or something to do it in. Brian said that when he was out there he was living in abandoned houses and stuff and it was pretty dirty.
Howard read some notes about Brian and how they were ambushed when they were going over a bridge. Brian told a story about a suicide bomber attacking his group and how he thought that he had lost all of the guys. they ended up having some wounded but no one died so they really lucked out with that.
Howard had Brian present the check to the winner of the contest. Brian told Tiffany that he hopes that she can put the money to good use and presented the 5 grand to her. Tiffany said she's going to use that money for a driving school.
Howard got in some plugs and gave the rest of the girls some prizes. He had a gift from ManGroomer.com for each of the women. They all got $500. Howard told the girls they were all winners today... but not really. Howard thanked Brian for coming in and told him to kick the other guy's ass in his upcoming fight. Howard went to break after that.
Cyndi said that she hadn't been on the show for a long time and she felt bad for not coming in more often. Howard said he loves her no matter what.
Cyndi told Howard that she plays the dulcimer and not that many people do that these days. Howard said she used to go into Central Park and play that thing for people and it was great.
Howard asked Cyndi about American Idol, if she was good in bed and a bunch of other stuff without letting her answer. Robin said he was jumping all over the place with the questions.
Howard asked Cyndi if she ever made love to another woman. Cyndi said ''uhh, ummm'' for a few seconds so Howard figured that was a yes. She said that she had done that but she didn't want to talk about it because she has kids. Cyndi said that her sister is a lesbian so Howard asked if that's why she tried it. Cyndi said that she didn't do that because of that. She had a lot of friend who came out when they were young and she had to tell them that she was straight. Cyndi said that she did try the woman thing but it wasn't for her.
Howard and Cyndi talked about the gay thing and how there are still a lot of people who don't accept that kind of thing and they'll fire them from jobs because of it.
Howard said that Cyndi is out on tour with the B52s, Joan Jett and Rosie O'Donnell so she's around gay people all the time. Cyndi said that since the world isn't going to be all inclusive, she can be with her tour. Howard asked Cyndi who is more popular with the gays, her or Madonna. Cyndi said that she's not sure about that.
Cyndi talked about the tour she's on and how people would send her letters telling her about how they were outcasts and it kind of got her thinking. Howard asked about her song True Colors and if it was about people like that. Cyndi said that she had lost a friend to AIDS back in 1985 and that's what she was thinking about when she performed that song back then.
Howard said that he heard that Britney Spears wanted to go out on tour with Cyndi but Cyndi turned it down because Britney wanted to lip sync. Cyndi said that was not true, she never heard from her or her people.
Howard found out that Cyndi tried the lesbian thing when she was 15 years old. He asked her to give details on that. Cyndi said that she was a friend of her's in school. Cyndi asked Howard if he watches ''The L Word'' because she's heard that a lot of straight guys like that show. Howard said that Beth does watch it but he didn't stick with it.
Howard said he wasn't getting anywhere with that conversation so he moved on to some other stuff. He asked Cyndi to perform some songs for them. She's got a new album out that he was going to play but he wanted her to perform an old song first. She was going to perform ''All Through the Night'' in the way it was originally written and not the way it was performed in the version she put out on her album years ago.
Howard asked Cyndi what the blowing into the balloon thing was about earlier. Cyndi told Howard that she does that to work out her voice and it's good for compressing air.
Howard had Cyndi perform ''All Through the Night'' after that. She and her two guys went into the song a few seconds later. She stopped the song and said that she was singing it the wrong way and was singing it like she used to. She started over from where she messed up.
Howard told Cyndi that she still sings like an angel and he was really turned on after that song. He went on to ask her about this new album she has out and why she went for dance music. Cyndi said that she wanted to do something different so she went over to England and found some new people to work with.
Howard gave Cyndi a plug for her new album ''Bring Ya to the Brink.'' He also said that her tour is kicking off in Boston soon too (Check TrueColorsTour.com). He talked to her about that for a short time and then asked her about who she's going to vote for. She changed the subject and showed Howard the cover of her album instead.
Howard asked Cyndi if she thinks that boys should be circumcised. She said that she had that discussion when her son was born. Her husband thought that it would be best if he was since so many other kids would be. Howard said he wouldn't do it if he had a son.
Howard said he was going to play a track from Cyndi's album and end the interview with that. He said it was a song called ''Same Old Story'' that was on her new album. He asked her what the song was about and Cyndi talked about some stuff that Howard thought was sounding not-so-fun. They spent another minute talking about that and then played the song as they wrapped up.
Mike said that Howard has to stop taking time off because his book drops down when he's not there to plug it. Artie told Mike that Howard's already lying about not liking it, what else does he want him to do.
Howard moved on to the game so here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
One of the guys didn't want to be on the air so he passed on talking at all. The other guy said he could talk and he was a dentist from Long Island. Howard congratulated him on getting through dental school and said he didn't have much of anything else to say to him. Fred went into his President of Eritrea impression and told some jokes that went over Howard's head.
Howard asked the dentist about his SAT scores and the guy claimed that he had 900s on both parts but Howard said they only went to 800. the guy said he thinks that they were 1400 or 1500 but didn't remember the actual scores. Howard spent a couple of minutes asking him about patients who have come on to him and offered sex to pay their dental bills and stuff like that.
The dentist gave a shout out to his World Of Warcraft guild. Howard asked him why he would waste his time with something like that. The dentist said that the name of the guild is ''Blood Pact of the Chosen.'' Howard asked what his wife thinks of that. He said that his wife actually gave him a blow job this morning so he'd have something to talk about today on the show.
The dentist said that he plays that game for a few hours a week. He said that people can put in an application if they want to join that guild. They can kick people out of they don't behave themselves. Howard asked if that's one of those games that Scott DePace plays.
Gary told Howard to play a clip of some guys playing that game that they've had for a while. It's the infamous ''Leroy Jenkins'' clip that has been on the web for years. Howard played the clip and Robin laughed her ass off at the guys freaking out over the game.
The dentist said that's basically what a typical night of playing is like. Artie was surprised this guy was allowing his name to be put on the air after he admitted to playing that game. The guy said that the game is a lot of fun. Howard figured that his wife isn't afraid that he's going to cheat if he's home playing games like that.
Howard thanked the guys and asked the dentist if he knows Darth Nihilus. Artie said that he looked up the requirements to get into that guy's guild and it said that you can't have had sex with more than two women in your life. Howard thanked the guys for coming in and then moved on to Steve Langford.
Steve said they have a story about Riley Martin doing an interview with a paper called ''Weird New Jersey'' where he gets 5 pages to rant.
Steve said that Blue Iris had a 7 pound tumor removed from her uterus. She's feeling much better after that. He mentioned that she knew something was wrong when she started spot bleeding.
Steve said that they also have a story about reporter Ira Glass talking about how Howard's show is the happiest show on radio. Howard said he was actually watching Ira's TV show on HBO and seemed to like it. Steve mentioned the new show they have starting tomorrow morning and how Master Tape Theatre is moving to 3pm on Howard 101 starting tomorrow.
Howard went to Jon Hein who ran down the stuff they were going to cover today on the Wrap Up Show. Mutt from Superfan Roundtable was up next with his preview of that show. Mutt said they'd be talking about the new show that's coming up tomorrow and what people can expect from that new show.
Robin started her news with a story about music producer Lou Pearlman getting sentenced to 25 years in prison. Howard interrupted that with a story about Stuttering John's movie and it wasn't very positive. He said that it was rather bad actually. He went on to say that they say that John is from The Howard Stern Show but he's not with the show anymore. He said that he's with the Tonight Show now. He said that whenever John gets a bad review they mention this show and not The Tonight Show. Artie said that if you watch the Tonight show and sneeze at the right time, you'll never even see John there.
Robin read a story about Dina Lohan and got Howard all worked up about her. He went off on her for a short time.
Howard asked Artie if he shaves his arms because there's no hair on them. Artie said that he's actually losing hair from his arms and legs as he gets older. He showed Howard his legs and there was hardly anything there. Howard wondered if that's a health issue. Howard asked the Dentist guy if he knew anything but he didn't have a microphone.
Gary came in and said that the hard wired mics can't be used over there. He also blamed Jason and will for not setting them up with the mics. Howard said it seems like they've never done this before. Gary said that the guys thought that Howard wasn't going to talk to them again. Howard said that they could have just left the mic with the guy.
The dentist said that Artie should get a check up because that hair loss could be a problem. He said it could be a thyroid or pituitary issue. Fred said that he was looking it up and he found that it could be a thyroid problem. He read some of the stuff that could cause it and it could be the body shutting down and causing the hair follicles to stop generating.
Artie showed the hair on his chest and that was still full. Robin was laughing her ass off when she saw that. Artie said that his face still grows like crazy too. Artie said that he's a hypochondriac already and now he has to go over to Iraq thinking about this thyroid thing.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about a guy who sexually assaulted a man who had just gotten out of surgery. Howard spent a little more time talking to Artie about the hair thing and how strange that was. Artie said that he thought it was a good thing that he was losing hair. Artie said that he's actually getting an outie belly button now that he's getting so fat. Howard had to go to break around 10:10am.
After the break Howard had Robin get back to her news. She got into a story about some people in Kenya who were killed because they were accused of being witches. Robin read some other stories and ended up asking Howard if he's going to be cheating on Beth. Howard said that he won't be cheating on her and he figures that by the time he turns 70 or 80 he won't even care anymore.
Robin read some news about governor Patterson who had an eye operation after his eyes were building up pressure due to glaucoma. Robin read some news about gas prices. Artie was still freaking out about the hair loss and how he was really stressed out by that because he has to go work tonight. He's shooting the HBO special tonight. Robin said that Jim Florentine is also doing that show tonight. Artie said that he's got enough to worry about and doesn't need to worry about the hair falling off his arms.
Robin read some news about the China earthquake, the inspections out at the Charles Manson ranch and Ted Kennedy's brain cancer. The guys spent a few minutes talking about Kennedy's cancer and how rough it has to be to go through something like that.
Howard got back into his Kennedy impression and did that for a little while during the news. Artie did his impression as well.
Robin went through some other stories about the oil companies bringing in record profits even though the oil prices are rising. Robin had some American Idol news and had Howard play some clips from last night's show. They ended the show around 10:35am.
Jon had the guys talk about the Hottest Chick with the Ugliest Scar contest. Gary said they came up with the idea a couple of weeks ago and they had to go through the process of finding a sponsor for it and then they go right into it once they get a sponsor.
Gary said that they're trying to sell one called ''Retarded Idol'' and there are no sponsors who will buy it. He said that this was one of the more interesting contests because the choice was pretty tough. Will said that he knew that this was going to be a good contest because all of the girls were hot.
The guys talked about some of the contestants and how they were judging the girls. Gary said that he could look past the scar on the really hot chick, Danielle, because she was so hot. The woman who had the intestines on the outside was one thing but you can't discount the facial scars on Tiffany. He said it's got to be tough to get past that on a woman.
Jon played a clip from the contest and then talked about how nasty the scar was on Tiffany. The guys talked about some of the scars and how they might not even notice some of them if they were drunk and picked up the girl at a bar or something.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that they need a better way to judge the contests. He said that they get annoying sometimes. He said that they need a ballot type of thing or something. The guy thinks that the other guys influence the votes. Gary said that it didn't seem to do that today. He said they need to do an actual score. Gary said that he thinks that they've been doing this long enough that they don't have to do that. They're also trying to do a radio show and taking a ballot might not work.
Another caller said that the judging of the contest should be different because they should have given scores instead of just picking a woman. Gary said he did that in his head. Gary said that it could get confusing to the audience if they did score the girls.
Jon asked about the fighter that came in and what they thought about him. Gary said that the guy was ridiculously good looking and Will said he was like a super hero after hearing the stories he had to tell.
Jon talked about the contestant who said she was a healer. JD was in so the guys asked him about the girls. JD didn't have much to say about them. Jon asked him about hanging with Howard this summer. JD said he didn't know about that and what he'd be doing with Howard if he hung out with him.
Will said he can't imagine how Howard actually pictures JD in his mind. Gary said it's probably more like a son than anything else. Jon asked JD if he looks at Howard like a father figure type. JD said he's like a boss and he's trying to make the show as good as he can.
Jon asked JD about the techno song that Howard played for him today. JD said that it's not really techno, it's more like industrial music. He said that Industrial is more like Nine Inch Nails and music like that. Techno is more for dancing to. JD said he likes the darker stuff and nothing like what Cyndi Lauper put out on her new album.
JD threw out some of the names of the groups he likes but admitted that they're not that good. They played some techno for JD. JD had Teddy looking up some stuff for him that he liked. Teddy played him some of it but the guys asked Teddy to please stop it. Gary said he got the gist of the song within the first 10 seconds so he didn't need to hear more.
Gary said that he wouldn't even know where to begin with that stuff. Gary said that they don't do bits anymore and haven't done them since 1994 or so. Jon apologized to him but said if he's not happy with the show maybe he should stop listening. The caller asked them to stop doing visual bits. Gary said that's what the show has been doing forever.
The caller asked when they had the last ''A-list'' guest on the show. He doesn't want them to keep recycling the same guests all the time. Gary asked the guy what guests he would like them to have on. The guy threw out Robert Downey Jr. Gary said he wasn't available. Gary said that they can't get all of these people that the caller thinks they should have on. People just won't come on the show. He said that Harrison Ford isn't going to come on the show to deal with the questions. Gary said that he's asked for guests like that but they won't do the show.
The caller seemed satisfied with the answer and gave them a ''Baba Booey To Y'all'' as he was getting off the phone. Gary went on to talk about how hard it is to get A-list guests on the show and the few that do come on have balls.
Will said that the angry Howard that some people want to hear isn't there anymore. Gary said that they haven't done a pre-recorded bit in about 15 years. He said it pisses him off when people ask about that. He said that the show evolves and if they did the same thing they were doing 15 years ago, people would be complaining about that.
Jon took a call from a woman who said she thinks that Howard finds JD very entertaining but not like he's a son or a father figure for him. Will asked her how she explains Howard wanting to hang out with JD. She said she thinks it's like a Carnie folk kind of thing and he wants him to perform for him on the weekends.
Gary said that he thinks that Howard feels a responsibility for JD and he's just taking him under his wing. Jon asked JD if he had anything to say to that woman but he had absolutely no response. That made Will laugh his ass off at him.
Another caller said that they have had some A-list celebrities on the show lately and that caller earlier was out of it. He said the show is great and they do have great guests and they should just keep it up. The caller mentioned Toby Maguire and Ryan Philippe who were on the show not too long ago. Gary said that he spoke to John Mayer one day and he loves the show but he refuses to come on to talk about all of the girls he's had.
Another caller said that A-lister are so boring. Gary said that they can be boring if they're not willing to talk about stuff that's gone on in their lives.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that Dentist guy was actually pretty good and he liked that they were talking about World of Warcraft. The guy said he's been playing that game since 2005 and he's put in a lot of hours since then. Gary asked if he's married. The guy laughed and said he's divorced but also said that his wife did play.
Gary asked the guy how many dates it takes before he'll admit that he's a World of Warcraft player. He said he'll test the waters on the first date. He said he's had some women ask him if it's just for 16 year olds and stuff. Benjy asked how he slips that into the date. He said he'll try to slip it in by making a joke about stuff that happens in the game.
Jon took some more calls and one guy asked what JD does on the show. JD explained that he pulls clips and goes out on the web and finds stuff for Howard to play on the air. The caller went off on JD for stuttering and stammering through his explanation.
Jon asked JD if he has a title there. JD said that Will came up with ''Media Producer'' for him so that's the one he uses. Jon had to break after that.
Jon played a clip where Cyndi stopped the song in the middle when she realized that she was singing the song the wrong way. Benjy said that some people were wondering if she did it intentionally to show she can still sing. Gary said they asked her that after the interview and she said that she had really just screwed up.
Jon talked to Gary about the lesbian experience that Cyndi talked about and that led to Will saying that Cyndi used to be on the God Hates Fags ''safe list'' before today. They might take Cyndi off now that this has come out.
Gary said that one of Cyndi's assistants came out with a light reflector while she was being interviewed on camera so she'd look good out in the halls. Gary said he needs someone like that to light him up.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he was watching Gary on Howard TV and wondered why he gets mad and accuses the callers of being nobodies. Gary said that the callers usually are nobodies to him. He said that's why he goes there when he gets mad.
Jon took another call from a woman who said she loves JD partly because he doesn't want to be on the radio. Gary said that he really is reluctant when he goes on the air and that is a great thing about him. The caller also sadi that she thinks that the whole show is an A-list so that caller earlier was wrong. Gary said that they do enjoy it even when they don't have guests on teh show.
Jon took another call from a guy who sadi that he saw Cyndi Lauper do a show down in Florida a few weeks ago adn seh did the exact same thing where she stopped in teh middle of the song. He said she stopped and did the recount with one of her songs but not the same song she did today.
A woman called in and asked if they buy the thing with Beth and her bathroom habits. She said that if she doesn't go that often it could be a serious problem. She said that she's got IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome) herself and it's hard for her and her whole life is very hard.
Will said taht he finds it weird that a guy hasn't even seen his girl go to the bathroom at tleast once. Gary said that some people never want to see that stuff. Howard is one of those people.
Another caller said that they could argue all day about the guest thing but he feels like he's being force fed some stuff on teh show. EH said that they talk about the gay stuff too much. Gary asid that they don't book guests based on their sexuality. EH sadi that they have interesting people on teh show, that's it. Gary asid that the Richard and SAl stuff might be more graphic than most of the stuff they do but even that has slowed.
The caller said that the gay stuff on teh show is constantly there and he can't take it. He said he could see the other caller's point that he was making earlier. He also complained about the way Howard is censoring the other people on the show. Gary sadi that Howard can censor the show becuase it's his but he's really not stopping people from saying anything.
Gary asked the guy if he and his buddies really stand aroudn talking about how gay the show is. The guy said that they do that all the time.
A caller aisd that he lvoes the bumpers they play coming out of break where the celebrieis have a problem with Gary's last name. They have a real problem with Gary's name but soem have a problem with Jon's last name too. Will said that he tries to help people otu these days so they don't sound too dumb when they're trying to say those names.
The caller talked about some of the other stuff they do on teh show that he loves and how A-list celebrites aren't that impportant for him.
Gary asked the dentist how many hours a week he plays the game. The guy said he plays maybe 10 hours a week. He said he gets home and plays from about 9 until midnight a couple of times a week. He said that he wouldn't recommend doing that until you're already married and have a life.
The dentist told the guys how you get into these guilds in the game and how all of that works. He said it's very organized actually. He said that he really enjoys playing the game though.
Gary asked the Dentist if he goes out to meetings live. He said he would go to local meetings but not to conventions or anything like that. Dentist guy said that he's older now and most of the people in his guild are older as well. He said that they have had people like that Leroy Jenkins guy who ran off into the fight without the rest of them. He said that can cause problems if all 25 of the guild gets killed off at the same time. He said that can get you kicked out of the guild if you do something like Leroy Jenkins did.
Dentist guy told the guys about the game and what his character looks like and stuff like that. Then Benjy asked ''Who says we don't get A-list guests?''
Jon took some more calls and one woman brought up Robin being part of that PETA vote thing. She said that everyone should go out and vote at PETA.org.
Steve the Intern came in and told a story about World of Warcraft where a guy died in real life and his guild held a fake funeral for him and their opposing team came in and wiped out the whole team. Dentist guy said that was a legendary story from what he's heard.
Jon asked Gary if he thinks that Howard will be back next year with American Idol next season. Gary said he thinks that Howard will take the time off and forget how bad this season was and he'll watch. Gary said that he was watching the show until the end even though his kids stopped watching about 6 weeks ago.
Jon brought up Eric the Midget and how he was demanding people around with the clips this morning. Gary said he loves when he gets all tough like that and makes demands. He said he obviously isn't used to dealing with people in the real world if he speaks to people like that.
Jon also brought up the fake American Idol clip they played or Artie this morning and how funny the look on his face was when he heard it. Gary said that he thinks that Bruce will eventually do that show.
Jon took a call from a woman who hated World of Warcraft. She said that she divorced her husband because he was playing it so much. She said that he started playing it all the time and he was talking to the other people on his head set and stuff. She said that he played it to all hours of the night and she's not sure how anyone can put up with their spouses playing.
Another caller said that there is video of that funeral massacre from the game out there on the web as well.
Benjy said he noticed the hair loss on his arms like a year ago. He said that Artie seemed to be really upset about it too. Jon said that they're just trying to tell Artie what they see going on with him. Benjy said that it could be anything.
Jon took some more calls and one guy talked about how great JD's laugh is. A woman said that she doesn't get the caller who said that they have too much gay stuff on the show. She said that she's been listening to the show for 15 years and she thinks that they have a great variety of stuff on the show so that's why she likes it so much. If she gets tired of something she'll just turn it off and tune in later on. Gary said that the guy who called earlier might be a little uptight about that kind of stuff.
The woman also talked about American Idol and how she turned her back on it about 2 years ago. She said that she stopped watching the show and just listened to it and realized how awful the singers were. The guys had to end the show a short time later.
Today's Best Of The Week was over around 12:35pm.