Howard started off the show talking about tomorrow's show because they're going to be doing a celebrity superfan trivia contest. They're going to have three celebrities in to compete against each other with Stern Trivia. Jimmy Kimmel, Jeff Probst and Jerry O'Connell will all be in to compete against each other.
Howard talked about each of the guys a little bit. They talked about how Gary was at the Survivor finale show last night with his kids and he almost overshadowed the contestants there. Howard played a few Baba Booey song parodies as they were talking about that.
Howard said that Gary almost stole the show and everyone was abuzz there. Gary said that there are some big fans there. He said that Ossie was one of the more popular guys there and he's a fan. Howard said that no one knows who Gary is talking about.
Howard said that you can see Bill yelling at the crew even when the sound is cut off. They spent a couple of minutes talking about that. Howard said he loves when people lose it like that.
Artie said that his mother got to see his father in the hospital paralyzed and when she saw him for the first time, she asked him ''What have you done to yourself?'' Artie said that his mother was afraid that he wasn't taking care of the wound right so that was her big problem.
Artie told another story about falling into a stoop when he was a kid and taking some teeth out. He said that his mother also saw him after he overdosed out in L.A. so she's seen him at his worst. He said that there was a woman reading him his last rights that day. They thought he wasn't going to make it.
Howard asked Artie about why the woman was reading him his last rights. Artie said that it was just some woman who went around doing that and trying to bring religion into people's lives. Artie recited some of the lines to Howard because he knew them from the movie ''Raging Bull.'' He said that he had recognized it that day because of the movie.
Artie said that it took a long time for him to kick the woman out of the room that day because she was reading that stuff. He said that he was so out of it that he was in and out of consciousness the whole day. He said he was taking sleeping pills, valium and whiskey so he was all messed up.
Howard said that he wanted to understand what this woman's job was. He asked Artie about the woman and fond out she was a 300 pound black woman and she was sitting in a chair in his room reading this religious stuff to him. Artie said that she asked him what happened to him and he told her that he O.D.'d on drugs. She told him that he shouldn't be doing drugs because the lord doesn't want him to do them.
Artie said that the thing that woke him up that day was when they put the tube in his dick. He said he wanted to punch this woman who put it in. He said that they had to give him this black tar-looking stuff and he had to drink that and then throw up. Artie said he thought he was dreaming the catheter thing but then he woke up and found out it was for real.
Howard asked how long the catheter was in. Artie said it was in for a whole day and when they took it out, there was blood in there. Howard said that was enough of that conversation after hearing the blood thing.
Artie told Howard about being sent to the looney bin after his hospital stay. He said he was stuck with a couple of nutty ambulance drivers. He also talked about how he was found at his apartment that day because he was late for work that day. He said that he was never late and when he didn't show up that day, some people got worried. A few people came to find him and saved his life that day. Robin told Artie he'd better not do that there because no one will come to his rescue.
Robin asked Artie if he had to work this weekend. Artie said he had to go out and do a show and the audience loved his eye.
That led to Gary coming in and talking about how Sal had a couple pages of notes about the comedy shows they did this weekend. He mentioned that Richard wasn't there because he was out shooting something to promote the bowling beauties shows that are on Howard TV this month. Howard talked about how the CW 11 station there wanted Richard there but he thinks that they have no idea what Richard is about. They're supposed to be on this morning.
Gary said that Sal was telling him about the weekend and he thinks that Richard may really be retarded. He had some stories to tell but the caller said that he had some more stuff to talk about. The caller gave the guys more details about what was going on back stage and how Yucko the Clown's wife was a real cunt.
Artie talked about some of the shows he's done and how there are always people back stage that aren't supposed to be back there.
Howard said that Beth told him about something that a listener did where he gave $1000 to the North Shore Animal League but he made them give a shirt that was signed by Eli Manning to Artie. The guy was basically making Howard a messenger and giving him the shirt to deliver to Artie. Howard said that he hates that people have stipulations when the do stuff like that. He said that he has enough to carry in the morning and then he has to bring in this shirt. Howard said he felt like Bill O'Reilly freaking out. He replayed the Bill O'Reilly clip a short time later.
Robin mentioned that Jackie wanted to thank the guys for the way he was treated on the show the other day when he was in. Artie said he got a text from Jackie about that. Robin said Jackie had told her that he wasn't able to e-mail him so he asked her to pass along the message.
Sal told the story about Richard getting really gross over the weekend. He said that they were on a really small plane on their way to a comedy show. He said that the bathroom in the plane was gross and there was piss and shit all over the place. Richard came up to go to the bathroom, with just his socks on, so he warned him about the piss. Then Richard told him that he had already been in there and had already gotten the piss all over his socks. Sal said Beetlejuice did the same thing.
Sal said that Beetlejuice took off his windbreaker and threw it on the floor and into the piss. He said that he used it as a small carpet in the bathroom stall. Then he put the jacket back on and didn't even wash his hands. Sal said that Beetlejuice didn't even wipe his ass before he put his pants back on. Sal said that he Richard and Beetlejuice both had shit and piss all over them.
Sal said he got to share a room with Beetlejuice over the weekend. Artie told him that maybe if he's getting better at comedy he shouldn't be forced to stay with Beetlejuice.
Sal said that Iron Sheik threw a drink at Beetlejuice and the drink missed him and hit Richard right in the chest before he was going to go on stage. Howard said they should have a talk with Sheik about that because Beet is an innocent. Sal said Sheik was arguing with security about smoking in the venue and he would just light up even though he was told not to.
Sal said he didn't mind sharing his room with Beetlejuice but Howard said he wouldn't be able to sleep in the same room. Artie said it would be like having an enormous rat in his room. Sal talked about Beetlejuice buying anything he possibly could with the money he gets. He said that Beet will put money in any machine that can take coins or bills. He said that he was over by the cart machine at the airport just putting money in.
Sal said they went to a strip club over the weekend and the girls all flocked to him because they know that he's going to give up all of his money. Sal said that they have to pull the girls away from him and tell them that they have control of the money, not Beetlejuice.
Sal talked about Beet buying all kinds of stuff at the gift shops. He said that he had gotten some shaving stuff and went into the bathroom to shave. He said that Beet took a shower but then he put on the dirty clothes from the airport again. He said that the soap and shampoo were never opened up in the bathroom even after he had taken a shower.
Sal said that he was relieved to see that he hadn't sued that bar of soap because he wouldn't have used it after him. Sal said Richard has this new obsession with his boogers. Howard said he knew about that and told Beth about it. He said she almost puked when he told her. He said that Richard and his girlfriend compare their boogers. Howard said that's really fuckin disgusting.
Sal said Richard was treating his boogers like children and would show everyone and smile when he'd pull them out. Sal said that he flinged the boogers on the hotel room window. He said he had people going up to the windows to see them after he flinged them on the lobby window. Howard told Sal that was enough of that and asked him to stop.
Artie said that they should think about doing those shows without Beet and Sheik. Sal said that the people love to see that stuff though.
The host of the show was talking about Savanna who was one of the girls there. The host was bowling with her and talking about how much he liked her attitude. They had some really annoying music playing while they were doing the segment. Howard let the clip play through and Richard finally got in some comments that Howard liked. He said that he was starting to get in some more information that he wanted to hear.
Howard said that they got in a plug where the CW 11 guy said you can find more information through their web site. Howard said that was kind of cool. The host throws it back to the studio and the hosts there spent a minute talking about what they had just seen. They didn't sound so thrilled with it but JD said that the woman who said that was wearing a really tight shirt and had huge tits.
Howard played some of the clips where Eric was talking up the songs. Howard said that all of the people that Eric was playing there were people who were either on American Idol or Dancing with the Stars. Eric told him that he was doing a top 30 list and they were actually on it.
Howard played a bit that the guys made using clips from ''Inside the Actors Studio'' and Eric. They had Eric answering some of the questions that James Lipton asks. Howard congratulated Eric on that honor of being on that show. Eric said that he was never on that show.
Howard said that Eric shaved his moustache and he's looking much better now. He still had the hair under his chin though. Howard said he knows what he's going for but he needs to trim it a little bit. He said it's too much under his chin and not enough on the front. Robin said he looks like a Billy goat.
Howard asked Eric if they were right about his moustache. Eric said they were. He said he thinks his eyebrows are coming back too. Howard said that he shaved off his eyebrows so he wanted to see them again. Howard said that he did have some weird-assed eyebrows.
JD was goofing on Eric so Eric called JD a geek and put him in his place. Howard asked JD what else he had to play. JD told him about some of the clips where the music was louder than Eric so no one could hear what he was saying. Artie started laughing his ass off when he heard it. He said that this was the best show he had ever heard. Robin asked Eric if he didn't know that he couldn't be heard over the music. Eric said that the way it's set up he can't hear what he sounds like.
Howard had some audio of Eric doing some bantering during his show. In that clip Eric was talking about the song and kept talking even though the music had started playing. Howard said he doesn't understand how that all works and why he can't hear what he's playing. Eric said that it's not set up in a way so he can hear it while it's going on. Howard told Eric he should stick to acting, he's not cut out for radio. Robin said she didn't know what he actually said in those clips.
Howard said he likes when Eric comes back on the air and you hear a click from his microphone. He had another clip where Eric was talking up the song but the music was so much louder that you couldn't hear anything. Howard said that he doesn't let you get bored with all of his talking.
Howard said that he likes that Eric's show is commercial free. JD said that he just says the name of the artist between songs. He doesn't even really take a break. Howard played some more clips where Eric would come back on and talk up the songs with the music too loud.
At one point Eric lost count of the countdown and didn't know what number the songs were. Howard said that it really didn't matter much that he lost count.
Howard asked Eric about the royalties and how he works all of that out. Eric said that he wasn't aware of that and didn't know they had to. Howard said that he's pretty sure they won't be bothering him.
Howard said he had Steven Spielberg on the phone to offer Eric a job. It was High Pitch Eric saying that he wanted to offer him a job to fly with balloons. Eric told High Pitch to get off the phone. Howard asked if it was really High Pitch or Steven Spielberg. High Pitch insisted it was Spielberg.
Howard asked High Pitch to put Spielberg's son on the phone. Eric put on a voice that made him sound very normal so Howard asked him why he doesn't talk like that all the time. High Pitch said that it hurts his voice. The guys told him that he should work on it and try to make that his regular voice.
Artie said he heard that High Pitch has a job now where he scans documents for a law firm. Eric said that he's got a room in the city now too. He said that he's making enough money to cover the rent. He said that he's got an apartment where he has to share a bathroom. The guys talked about that kind of apartment building and how gross they can be. Artie said that he knew a guy who lived in one of those and you have to share the bathroom with like 10 other people.
High Pitch Eric said that there's never a line to get into the bathroom or anything. He has a sink in his room but no toilet or shower. He said they have different showers on different floors there. He said that he's never counted the number of people there. Howard figured that Eric would piss in his sink instead of going to the bathroom but High Pitch denied doing that.
Artie asked High Pitch what it smells like in that room. Eric said that it doesn't smell bad. He said that he does have his pets there though. Robin said she can't imagine the smell there in the room with the litter box and all of that.
Howard said that he had to get back to Eric the Midget's show. High Pitch said that Eric can't be a DJ because he can't hear him talking. Artie said that he would love to go with Howard 100 News just to see High Pitch's apartment. Howard asked High Pitch if he had ever crapped in the cat's litter box. Eric said he never has. Howard said that he's got to be lying.
Howard asked if it was true that Eric's dog ate peanut butter off his balls. Eric said he did that just once for Howard 100 Craptacular. Sal came in and said that he knows that it's true and he does it regularly. High Pitch said that he doesn't do that and tried changing subjects.
Joey Boots called in and said that High Pitch showed him once when they were hanging out and put the peanut butter on his balls and let his dog lick it off. Howard asked him why he does that. High Pitch said that's not true. He said that it was just on the Craptacular. Joey also said that Eric stiffed his last landlord for $1,900. No one was surprised by that.
Howard asked High Pitch why he has his dog lick his balls. High Pitch kept saying that it wasn't true. Artie said that there is no one grosser than High Pitch. He said that he would rather go to Siberia than stay in an apartment with him. He said he'd rather go to Iraq and live in a tent over living with High Pitch.
Joey said that Eric will put down newspapers and leave his pets alone for 2 days. High Pitch said he has friends who keep an eye on his pets so he doesn't do that. Howard asked Artie if he would live in Eric's apartment or Jeff the Vomit Guy's apartment first. Artie said that depends on how big Jeff's apartment is. Howard said that both of them are annoying and he'd probably commit suicide.
High Pitch asked Robin about an F, Marry, Kill with him, Jeff the Drunk and Jeff the Vomit Guy. Robin said that she'd kill them all but then said that she'd probably have to fuck Jeff the Drunk because he's the most normal out of those three.
Howard said that poor Eric the Midget's whole segment had just been hijacked by High Pitch. He played one more of Eric's country show clips and had some fun with that. Eric actually did okay with one of the song intros. Howard said he could see Eric's face while he was playing the clips and he seemed to be proud of this. The guys told him that this might not be the best job for him.
Howard played a clip of porn star Cindy Crawford crying after she had sex with Jeff the Drunk one time. Howard said that's what it's like to sleep with a guy like him. Artie talked about the chick that Jeff was handcuffed to that one time and how she started throwing up from the smell of his shit.
High Pitch was still on the phone so he interrupted and said that his neighbor who was knocking on the door because he heard him on the show. Howard said it sounds like a fun place to live and it was almost like ''Friends'' there. He said that he thinks he's thought of a new show idea for Howard TV. He said that they could have High Pitch and his friends doing a reality show.
Howard said goodbye to both of the guys but Eric the Midget didn't want him hanging up on him. Eric the Midget said he had some other stuff to talk about. He said he wanted to say that if they're wanting to take this movie serious then why hasn't he gotten a script yet. Howard told him that they're trying to clear legal with that.
Eric also asked about pay. Howard said that there is none. He told Eric that it's a chance for him to act and he doesn't get paid to do his internet show. Eric said that he does get paid to do that. He also gets paid to show up for the Killers of Comedy shows. Howard said that he's getting nothing for this movie. He let him go a short time later.
Fred was playing some Metallica so Howard mentioned that they gave him a book that they autographed one time and he keeps it out on his table to look at once in a while. He said that he would never put out stuff like that even though he thinks that it's really cool.
Howard had Dee Snider live via ISDN line. Dee's son was on Rock the Cradle on MTV and he just got voted off. Howard said that he's known Dee's son, Jesse, since he was a little baby. He said that Jesse was really good on the show but it came down to the finals between Jesse and Crosby Loggins and the other kid won. He said that Crosby didn't have any charisma at all but he still ended up winning.
Artie said that he liked Jesse's performance that he saw. He said that he didn't know that Belinda Carlisle really had a thing up her ass about him.
Howard said that the winner got $100,000 and a recording contract. Howard said that he feels bad for him. Dee said that Jesse is also the voice of Pizza Hut and a few other things so he's making plenty doing voice overs. Dee said that he's got his own big house and stuff so he's not hurting from this at all.
Howard asked Dee if his son is doing better than him. Dee said he wouldn't say that but he is doing okay. They spent some more time talking about the Rock the Cradle thing and how it could have been open for corruption, but Dee said that he wasn't saying it was, it just ''could have'' been.
Howard said he thinks that Jesse got robbed. He said that he thinks he should have won. Dee said that he didn't want to cheat or anything and really didn't want to do anything to cheat. Howard said that Dee is that kind of guy and just did things based on his talent.
Howard talked about the old days when Dee was doing shows with Twisted Sister and another band. He said that he remembers doing the commercials for them and how they'd play around the New Jersey and New York area all the time.
Dee and Howard spent a few minutes talking about Jesse and how impressive he was as a performer on that show. Dee said that he had a great stage presence. Howard said he's glad that things are going well for Jesse even though he didn't win that show.
Dee got in some plugs for some stuff that he's doing. They have a biker ride this weekend on Sunday. He said that they start the ride at 11am. You can find out more about that at BikersForBabies.org or DeeSnider.com. Dee said that Fred is going to be riding with them too. He said that they don't mind having any type of motorcycle in the group, even mopeds according to Dee.
Dee told Fred where they were going to be going and what they were going to be doing after the ride. They're going to have a big party and they'll all be meeting up at this event. Howard said that he would never be caught on a motorcycle because he knows that he'd break a leg or something.
Bobo called in and told Dee it was great to see him supporting his kid the way he was on that show. Dee said that all of his kids are starting to work now and one of his sons is going into comedy. He said he's got an 11 year old daughter too.
Howard took some more calls and Dominic Barbara called in and said that he wanted to donate to the charity that Dee is supporting. Howard told Dominic that Dee didn't want his money but Dee told him to shut up and let him donate. Dominic said he was donating as a tribute to Dee's father who was a great man.
Dominic said he wanted to talk to Artie but Artie said he called him back last week and he never called him back. Dominic said he just wanted to come to his show on Saturday. Artie said he's welcome to come.
Artie told Dee to tell his son to come down to a show sometime. Dee said that he'd probably love to do that. Dee got in some more plugs for the ride that they're doing and told everyone to come down to the party even if you don't ride.
Eric the Midget called in and told Dee that he heard that he was friends with Diana Degarmo. Dee said that he knows her from that Gone Country show that he did. Eric is a big fan of hers so Howard told Dee about that. Eric said that she's a very good looking girl. Howard said that Eric was just about stalking her. Eric said that's not true and Steve Langford was an idiot for reporting that.
Howard asked Eric to talk about what he'd do to Diana if he got her. Eric said he wasn't going to do that. Howard asked Eric what position he'd do her in. Eric said that he guesses it would be in the regular position. Artie said ''Eww! You're disgusting!'' when he heard that.
Howard asked Eric if it was true that Catherine McPhee had to change her cell phone number because of him. Eric said that's because they gave him her number. He claimed he only called her like twice but Gary said that it had to be at least 3 or 4 times.
Howard let Dee get in some more plugs and started to wrap up with him. He found out that Dee had gotten a vasectomy. Dee said that he loves that he had it done and it's the best thing for a guy. Howard said that he wants to get one but can't bring himself to do it. Dee said that the operation took just a little while and it didn't hurt all that bad. He said that the only pain was the initial shot of novacaine into his balls. He said that it was about what it's like to get a shot in the gums. He said it was only about 15 minutes long and there wasn't even a stitch removal or anything at all.
Dee said that he and his brothers all got it done. He said that he and his wife had a scare a few years ago and that's when he decided it was time to get the vasectomy done. Howard said that he doesn't want Beth getting pregnant and he really doesn't want any risk of that happening. He said he wants his time for himself and not give it up to another kid.
Dee talked about doing the Gone Country show with Julio Iglacias who had a grandfather who was still having kids at the age of 91. Howard said that he heard that guys who have vasectomys have a higher chance of getting prostate cancer. Dee said that's bull. He said that he had to wait like 2 weeks before he could have sex again after the operation. They test you to make sure that the tubes haven't reconnected just to make sure it worked. Howard said that he might have to give that a try but he's afraid that they're going to screw it up.
Dee told Howard that the operation is very simple but you have to stay off your feet for one day. He said that the wives will appreciate it and they're so grateful that they'll wait on you hand and foot. He said that he knew a guy who did some work the day after that his balls ended up blowing up so his sack was smooth and not wrinkled anymore. Dee said he was fine after it.
Gary came in and said that he's kind of freaked out about getting it done. He said he knew a guy who had it done and the guy's left ball ended up blowing up like a balloon and he hadn't even done anything like Dee's buddy did. Gary said that he doesn't feel like he needs to get it done.
Howard asked if stuff still comes out. Dee said that you still have seminal fluid but it has no sperm in it. He said everything seems normal and the pearl necklace still comes out if that's what he wants.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that his friend had the vasectomy done and now he sounds like Mickey mouse and shoots dust instead of jizz. Howard figured the guy was lying. The caller said that he wasn't though. Gary said that even if it's not true, that story is going to be stuck in Howard's head.
Howard wrapped up with Dee and let him get in some more plugs before getting off the line with him. Dee thanked them for all of their support before Howard let him go. Dee told Howard to just go for the vasectomy, it won't be that bad. Artie told Howard that it would be perfect for his situation.
Howard said that he thinks that Beth might be against him getting a vasectomy. Howard said that he does want to limit the chances of having a baby though. He said that he's not going to save his sperm or anything like that. Artie told Howard that it would be a good gauge of what Beth is really thinking and he should ask about it. If she tells him to go for it, she's good to go. If she tells him that she doesn't want him to do it then he knows he's fucked.
Bobo said that he has a 19 month old baby now and he wanted a referral from him for the doctor he used. Dee said it was years ago and he didn't want to give out the guy's name. Another caller said that he knows of a guy who shoots loads the size of a pea after a vasectomy. That guy is Jay Thomas. Howard asked Dee to come in and shoot his load so they could see how big it is. Dee said that it doesn't matter because you don't have to pull out anymore.
The caller talked about how he used to work out at Dee's gym years ago. That led to Dee and Howard talking about the gym and how Dee bought it just to screw the old owner over because he was kind of a dick to him. Dee said that he ended up getting screwed over when people were sneaking in and working out without a membership though. Howard let Dee go after that and talked about how great he sounded on the ISDN line.
Howard said that he had the Bowling Beauties coming in after the break. He took a call from a guy who said that the Bill O'Reilly clips were great this morning but he loved the old Casey Kasem clips. Howard said that they'd compare those after the break. Howard went to break a short time later.
After playing the Bill O'Reilly clip Howard played the Casey Kasem clip where he gets all freaked out by the stuff he's reading for a show he used to do. Artie was laughing his ass off at that one and seemed to like it better than Bill. Robin said that Casey is better. He was all alone in that clip so that made it even better according to Robin. Artie said that it shows that Casey doesn't care because he goes off on them for making him read a dog death dedication.
Howard played a clip of himself freaking out during a commercial recording session back at K-Rock. He was freaking out about the copy that he had to read. He said he realized how much of an asshole he sounded like in that clip and it wasn't nearly as good as those others.
Howard said that they were trying to figure out whose rant was the best and they all agreed it was Casey Kasem's. That led to Howard playing the Orson Wells freak out clip as well. In that one Orson is arguing with an engineer and complaining about the way things are going. That got some big laughs out of Artie too. Howard said that he thinks that Orson might be the funniest one but then Robin said that she loves the William Shatner clips too. Howard said he didn't want to get into that stuff and said he wasn't going to play that one.
The guys spent a couple of minutes arguing about who should be in the contest or not and what was great about each one. Howard said he was going to have to play the William Shatner clip since Robin wasn't going to give up on that. Howard played this Shatner clip where he goofs on the engineer for telling him how to do his read. The guys seemed to be enjoying that one too.
Howard said he thinks that Bill had a woman there that he was trying to impress or something, that's why he was acting the way he was. Howard played another one of Shatner's clips where he was reading some Star Trek lines and they corrected him on the pronunciation of ''Sabotage.''
Howard took a couple of calls and let the fans comment on that for a minute. He had to move on after that though.
Howard played another clip where this guy was talking about the Bowling Beauties from Howard TV. Howard said that's really not doing him any good when they just say that they're from Howard TV. They're not explaining what Howard TV is. Richard eventually gets in some comments about what Howard TV is and explains it to the audience. The other anchors goofed on the segment after that once again. Howard said that they've got to be desperate for ratings over there.
Howard said that those women on that channel were complaining that the girls can't really bowl but he pointed out that they can't really do the news or the weather, they're just there to look good, just like the Bowling Beauties.
Howard had Vicky (Myspace.com/supermodelvickyt) and Phyllicia (Myspace.com/misspolite) come in after that. They're two of the Bowling Beauties. Howard said that he remembered seeing them in the show and they're both very competitive. He said that there are some good match ups on that show.
The girls said that they had some fun doing the show but they weren't saying if they take their tops off or not. Howard said that he was going to give Robin a sneak peek at the event. He said he had Scott the Engineer doing some of the commentary. Jim Florentine is the host of the show so Howard asked the girls if they thought he was cute. They said that he was kind of cute and had a nice body. Howard played a clip of Jim introducing Scott the Engineer.
Howard played an outtake clip where Scott flubs one of his lines. Scott asks them to restart it but they tell him to just keep it going. Howard said that Scott was actually pretty good at doing what he was doing. Scott gives his color commentary during the bowling.
Howard said that the girls must have had a hard time bowling in heels. They said that it was pretty hard. They said they had to get used to the heels. Howard said that he shoes are kind of hot. They're real bowling shoes but they're high heels.
Howard said that he had a third clip from channel 11 where they went back to the girls a third time. He played that clip and said that they must be enjoying seeing the girls if they keep going back to them.
A caller said that one of the chicks on that news team has the biggest tits on TV. He told Howard that he's got to check out some of the girls there because they do have some hot ones. The guy said that he'd chop his hand off to have sex with one of the women there.
Howard said that he heard that Phyllicia has a really great ass. He asked her to show it so she did. Howard said that he heard that they spend a lot of time showing her ass in the Bowling Beauties show. She said she had her boyfriend there with her this morning so Howard talked to her about him for a few seconds.
Phyllicia was talking about having her boyfriend tonguing her asshole and stuff like that. She said that sometimes she wants him to do stuff like that but other times she just wants to be rammed from behind. She said that she might have him do anal with her once or twice a month or so.
Howard asked Phyllicia what position she'd be in with the ass licking thing. She said that it can be in a few different positions. He asked if she goes from her ass to her vagina when he licks her. She said that he can but they usually take a shower afterward and clean up so it's no big deal. Phyllicia said that she would love to have a girl eat her out but she won't eat out another girl.
Vicky said that she's eaten out a girl before and told him that story real quick. She said that she knew the girl already and she doesn't like to meet strangers to do stuff like that. Howard asked her about what she wears when she goes out and how she made it happen. Vicky said they got drunk and ended up making out at the club. They took it back home after that.
Howard asked the girls if they've ever stuck their fingers in and smelled themselves to make sure they smell okay. Phyllicia said she doesn't smell it but she will finger herself. She said that she likes to get herself off while the guy is doing stuff to her. She said that she'll show off and tell him to wait for her to finish.
Vicky said that she has her boyfriend watch her while she does stuff like that. Howard said that he's going to watch Bowling Beauties very religiously. He didn't know what this had to do with bowling but he didn't care.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he looked up the girls and they are hot. Another caller said that Richard looked funny on the channel 11 news thing wearing a bikini over his clothes. One caller said that he was watching episode 1 on Howard TV right then. Howard said they're going to roll out the episodes every week over this month.
Artie asked the girls if they could show anything else. Phyllicia asked if he wanted to see her tits and then said she was just kidding. Vicky wasn't going to show either. Howard ended up talking to Vicky about how she left home at the age of 16. She said that it just wasn't a good home life and she had to get out. She wasn't giving exact details of what was so bad though.
Howard asked to meet Phyllicia's boyfriend. He had the guy come in and Artie said that he looks like The Beav. Howard asked the guy how he got his chick. Artie asked why he wasn't part of the Ugliest Guy with the Hottest Chick contest. The guy said that he didn't marry her, that's why. Howard asked the guy how he met this chick and he said that he met her through Myspace. The guy said that he met her like 4 years ago when the site first started out.
Phyllicia said that she and the guy ended up chatting on there and she's more about personality than looks. Artie said that the room was loaded with people like that. Howard asked the guy how many times a day he's banging this chick. He said he tries for at least one time a day.
Howard asked how far up he sticks his tongue up her ass and how long it took him for him to get into her pants. Phyllicia said it was on the first date but the guy said it wasn't that quick. He said that he had her over to his house and that's where they did it. Phyllicia was saying that he's got a good sized penis. She said that it's probably 7 inches or so and Howard thought that was pretty big. She said that it's thick too.
Artie said that this guy seems like a shy guy and this chick is very open. The guy said that it's all a show and she's just doing it for them. It's different at home. Howard had to wrap up with them a short time later. He let them all go.
Artie said that it's rare for a guy like that to get a hot chick like that. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard asked Lisa if she's trying to get to the next level or something. Lisa said that she'd love to do movies or even a reality TV show. She said that she wouldn't mind if they followed her around with a camera to show her dating the blacks.
Howard said that Gary saw Lisa's tit that was hanging way out of that top she was wearing. Lisa said that her tits are her best features. She said that her hair is fake so that's not her best feature.
Howard gave Lisa a plug for this show she's doing on Howard 101 tonight. She's going to be playing the Moulie Match Game. Lisa said that's not what she was calling it, she said that's a name that they came up with. Lisa said that she figured there was room for one more black in her life before she jumps back to the white devil so she's going to be finding a guy to date on that show.
Lisa talked about the white guy she dated before and how hard it is for her to find a good looking white guy. She said that she can get decent black guys but the white guys don't come so easy.
Lisa said that this is going to be her last black guy. She's going away to fat camp this summer to lose some more weight so she can get the white devil, one with a good job. Lisa said she's hoping to get a plethora of different men after losing some more weight.
Howard asked Lisa if she's looking for her Tom Arnold. Lisa said that she would like to have a man come into her life and then go on to have a better career than she has. Lisa said that she's had some big meetings lately and she was hooping to make a big announcement today but that will have to wait for her next visit.
Lisa talked about what a sitcom with her would be like and she called it ''Nigger Lovin Fag Hag.'' She said that NBC doesn't like the word ''hag'' though so it may never happen.
Lisa said that they've booked a bunch of guys for her show and they over booked by a few just to make sure she has guys actually show up. She said that they're all black guys and she's going to pick one to date.
Howard said that Lisa was on about 6 months ago and admitted that she had sex with one of the Chicago Bears. That led to some controversy. Lisa said that the guy got upset with her even though she didn't mention his name or position on the team. She said that she got a ton of messages from her publicist because everyone wanted to know who it was that she had slept with.
Lisa said that she only slept with the guy once and she knew that he wasn't going to see her again. He said that they found out who he was on the team and that got him into some trouble. Lisa said that was her first NFL penis and her last. She said that his penis was kind of bent funny. She said that he really got into trouble because he snuck out of his room that night, not because it was her that he was with.
Howard said that Lisa didn't win the Grammy she was nominated for. Lisa said that she hates the Grammys. She said that she thought that this one was going to be televised but they didn't tape it. She said that she lost to the Flight of the Conchords who are just awful. She said that she wouldn't have minded losing to George Lopez but losing to those guys was an insult.
Lisa talked about sitting through the loser awards and how awful that was. She said she lost and had her whole family there watching. She said that she flew people in and spent about 30 grand on everyone she flew in. She said that she spent 5 grand on her dress too so it was a terrible day for her. Lisa said that the guys from Flight of the Conchords didn't even show up to accept their award.
Lisa said that she was sitting with Steven Wright and Harry Shearer who all showed up hoping they'd win but they all got screwed. Lisa said that Steven was a grumpy sad sack. She said that his first album was 20 years ago and his next one was 20 years later.
Lisa talked about how few people wanted to interview her when she was walking the red carpet. She said that Leno's people interviewed her but not too many others did. Then she said that the retarded people from ''How's Your News'' turned her down for an interview. Lisa said that was an insult to her.
Lisa said that she gives to a lot of charities and gives to the retards so she expected to do an interview. Howard said it would have been great if the retards had asked to talk to Flight of the Conchords after turning her down.
Howard heard that Lisa broke down and cried after hearing Alicia Keys performing her song on that show. Lisa said that she was worn out from sitting there all day long.
Lisa said that her shrink told her to take some time off from men. Howard asked her if she would want to have a black kid or a white kid if she got pregnant. Lisa said that she doesn't want kids. She said that she would want a black one if she was going to have one though.
Lisa said that she hasn't had any men since that NFL player she talked about. She said that was the last one she had.
Artie asked Lisa if she heard about Jim Florentine being off the market. She said that she did hear that and talked about how much she likes him but said that she wouldn't be interesting in him. She said that Jim likes those skinny girls like Robin.
Howard asked Lisa about Dancing with the Stars because she stopped watching it just like he did. Howard said that he gave up on the show because there are no stars on that show now. Lisa said that she was watching it every week until that fat chick from Hair Spray talked about how she had survived cancer last year. She said that made her stop watching.
Howard read that Lisa had called a woman a cunt to her face on an airplane. Lisa denied that until she realized what Howard was talking about. Lisa went on to talk about what went on. She was on an airplane, in first class, and this woman had her kids and her ugly nanny. She said that the baby cried for 3 hours and it didn't bother her at first. Then she said that she looked at the woman and said ''You fucking postpartum cunt, get your ass up there and hold your god damn baby...'' and went off on her about not holding the ugly baby. The woman jumped up and held the baby for the rest of the flight and the baby didn't cry. Howard said that it sounds like she did the right ting because the baby stopped crying.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she liked the Flight of the Conchords and said that they're actually good. Artie said he's seen it and it's not that good. He said that it's overrated and not all that good. The woman on the phone said it was good though.
Howard took some more phone calls and let some guys ask Lisa out. There were a bunch of guys who were telling her how much they like her. Lisa sounded interested in at least one guy who called in. She told Howard to get his number because she might just have him on her show tonight. Howard put the guy on hold and had Gary handle that. Another caller said that he'd lick Lisa's asshole. She said she's not into that and wouldn't want a guy doing that to her.
Howard asked Robin if she's ever had her asshole licked. Robin said she didn't think so. Another caller asked if Howard would consider Lisa as a replacement for Artie because she's twice the man Artie is.
Lisa was saying that she would sleep with any man except an Asian. She said that she likes her men like she likes her coffee, not like she likes her urine.
Howard took some more calls and then wrapped up with Lisa. He said he hopes that she gets this deal she's working on and then went to break.
Artie asked Howard when he's actually stuck through a whole show. Howard didn't really say. He said that he was back stage with Billy Joel's wife and Sting's wife. He said that he saw John Sykes back there too. He talked about a few other people like Caroline Rhea and talked to her about what she's up to. She was hosting ''The Biggest Loser'' but she left to go do other things. Artie said she met her one time and she made him feel like she loved him.
Howard said that he had a good time at the Rain Forrest concert but he really got tired. He's not used to staying up late. Robin said she forgot all about the concert coming up and didn't go this year.
Artie said that he's not sure when Howard could get out of a baseball stadium if he went to see a game. Howard said that he went to a Mets game years ago but that may have been back in 1987 according to Gary.
Shuli told a story about Beetlejuice shitting his pants and blaming it on Dominic the Midget. Shuli said that Beetlejuice shit his underwear and wanted to pack it in his luggage to bring it home for his wife to wash. He's not even married though.
Shuli said that Artie is still looking for an assistant. He said that they'll have more on that today on the news.
Howard said that he was talking to Beth about their wedding and she was wondering where all of the bands that wanted to perform at the wedding were. Howard said that the wedding is going to disappoint people if they show up and don't see a bunch of big stars there. He said that he's not going to have a lot of people show up. Gary said that he'll work on getting some bands to show up. He's pretty sure that Shaw Blades would do it because they offered to. Phoebe Snow also offered to show up.
Howard said that he might have to get a big set up going if they do that. Gary said he'd have to have a big set up no matter who they get.
Howard told Gary to call Beth and ask her what the set up is going to be. He said that he thinks that people are going to be upset when they show up and there aren't any big stars there. He didn't want to say who it was that he was thinking was going to be upset though.
Artie said that he'd prefer that they not have guys like Pat Monahan there because he doesn't want that guy stealing the chick he's bringing to the wedding. He said that he's trying to get laid and doesn't need good looking rock stars to show up so Shaw Blades is fine.
Gary asked if Billy Joel is going to be there at the wedding. Howard said that he is and he should feel compelled to perform at the wedding. He said that he went to Jon Bon Jovi's house one time and Billy Joel performed there.
Howard said that all of these people have to perform at the wedding. He said that Billy isn't being invited as a musical guest though. He said that Jon Bon Jovi has to be invited as a guest too and he doesn't have to sing but it would be nice.
Howard said that he'd love it if he could get Clarence Clemens to park cars for the wedding. He said that he's heard that he's a great parker. Robin thought he was just being racist. Artie suggested he have someone like Billy Ocean park cars, not Clarence.
Artie said that this is going to be the big wedding that he's going to invite this really hot chick to. He said that this is like his hail Mary pass. Howard told Gary not to disappoint him with the musical guests.
Shuli got in some more of his news update and then Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He quickly ran down the list of things they were going to try and cover today.
Robin said that William Shatner has written an autobiography. Howard said he's actually going to be in on Wednesday to promote it.
Howard said that they held a pole on his web site last week asking if they should use Mike Gange for the Howard TV commercials and they had a 100 percent vote of ''No.'' Mike came in and said he thinks that he actually voted no for himself. They've started to use some other people for the commercials lately so you won't be hearing him too much.
Robin read through some more stories and had one about the Austrian guy who locked his kids in the basement for 24 years. She had one about Jenna Bush getting married. Robin also asked what he was going to dance to at his wedding. Artie suggested the opening theme song to the show, ''The Great American Nightmare.'' They had some fun goofing on that for a short time while they played the song. They were talking about Jenna Bush's wedding music and goofing on that as well.
Artie said that he would perform the Biggie Smalls song that he knows at the wedding if he wants. That led to him singing the song while Fred played it. Howard had to take a break around 10:30am.
After the break Robin got back to her news. She read a story about Jimmy Fallon taking over for Conan O'Brien when he leaves to take over for Jay Leno.
Artie interrupted and showed Howard a picture of a chick in Playboy who he said was the hottest chick he had ever seen. He said that he wanted Jason to call her and invite her to Howard's wedding. Artie said that her name was Juliette Fretté. Artie read her bio and kept talking about how hot she was.
Robin read a story about Nick Hogan getting 8 months in jail for a car accident he was involved in. She had some audio of him talking about the person that was injured in the accident and apologizing for that. That led to a story about Hulk Hogan being caught putting sun tan lotion on his daughter Brooke's ass recently. Howard joked that he does that every night with his daughters. They played Ham Hands Bill's song parody about Robin where he talks about her butt cheeks being warm and all of that. Howard said he wasn't so sure that Hulk actually had his hand on her ass so he was going to give him the benefit of the doubt on that one.
Robin read some news about the democratic nomination and what people are predicting for that. Artie was still doing his Ham Hands Bill impression during the news.
Robin read some other news about Miley Ray Cyrus which led to Artie talking about seeing Lindsay Lohan's sister in the paper recently. He said that she's smokin' hot and she's about 16 years old. Howard said that was kind of disturbing and asked him what he would say to her if he got a hold of her. Artie did more of his Ham Hands Bill impression.
Howard got a hold of some pictures of some celebrities who have bad cellulite problems. They had one of Jennifer Aniston who apparently still has a good ass. Artie said he knew that she was hot.
Robin had some American Idol news. She had some other news about Simon Cowell and had Howard play some audio of him talking about Sharon Osbourne since she's going to be a host on America's Got Talent.
Robin read a story about the most popular names for babies these days. Jacob for boys and Emily for girls. Emily has been the most popular since 1996 when Howard used it for his daughter. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:00am.
Richard said that he didn't hear what the girls on the news were saying about them but they did hear Howard playing the clips. Richard said that he heard Howard complaining about them not describing what Howard TV was so he gave a better explanation of it after that.
Gary said that he heard that the women on the news were really irritated by the whole thing. Jon asked if all newscasters are like that with the show. Gary said that they have a lot of audio of other news anchors making derogatory statements about the show after they've done stories.
Jon asked Richard about the bikini he was wearing. He said that was Mike Gange's idea for him to wear that. Richard said that Gange came up with that and then Larry was directing them to do the other stuff they were doing.
Richard said that he was up all night trying to recover his hard drive that had crashed. He said that he had backed up some stuff in January but he lost everything he's gotten since then. Most of it was porn.
Jon brought up the stories that Sal told about Richard from their weekend doing a comedy show. Richard said that at least he didn't shit his pants like Beetlejuice did. He said that he thinks he did it while he was sleeping because he remembers the smell hitting him while he was sleeping.
Gary talked to Richard about the urine on the socks thing that they were talking about. Richard said that it is kind of creepy when your feet get wet when you go into the bathroom. The guys all let out a sigh when they heard that. Richard said that his shoes are the ones that he's pissed in so they're already damaged.
Lisa Lampanelli was in the studio so she talked about some of the stuff she's seen on airplanes. She had a guy who took his shoes off and fell asleep next to her in his seat and she had to hold it in for 3 hours because she didn't want to wake the guy up. Richard said that he books aisle seats because he has to piss so much.
Sal said that he saw Richard stocking up on little bottles of booze in a plastic bag. He's constantly looking at the bottles and guzzles them down as soon as they take off. Sal said that the flight attendant will come by and ask him if he wants anything to drink. If there's no alcohol he gets all pissed off. Richard actually called the airline and complained about the attendant because they didn't have any booze.
Richard said that he's allowed to bring his own booze on the plane but they have to be under 4 ounces of fluid. He said that he has to drink when he flies because he hates flying so much. He said he has to have a bottle in his mouth as they're taking off.
Richard said that he's comforted by the fact that Beetlejuice is so calm on a flight. That led to Gary talking about how disturbing it was to find out that Beetlejuice doesn't wipe after he takes a shit. Sal said that he saw him just put his pants back on after he shit.
Gary asked Sal why he had to room with Beetlejuice the way he did. Sal said that he feels that he's at the bottom of the barrel and the other guys have to take care of him at times so he figured it was time for him to do it.
Sal told a story about going to the hotel and how Beetlejuice was carrying around a duffel bag within a duffel bag to bring it on his flight. He said that it was a very odd thing to see that he just packed one full duffel bag into an empty one.
Jon said that Sal got a nice mention on the show today when the caller said that he was great. Sal said that was nice and he went through some of the stuff he's doing now.
Shuli came in and said that Beetlejuice will order all kinds of food and he'll shove it into that bag of his. He'll put ice in the bag and it'll end up melting in the bag and then it'll leak into the couch and stuff like that. Beet also doesn't wash his hands after dealing with the shitty underwear and food and stuff.
Benjy said that he thought it was very racist for Gary to say that the guy was a regular guy. He said that he thinks that white guys can get very hot black chicks. Lisa said she kind of agrees with him on that.
Jon went to the phones and took a call from a guy who asked Lisa some questions about the guys that she's trying to date. Lisa said that the white guys who hit on her are the kind who would make him throw up in his mouth. She said that she can get some good looking black guys but not the white guys.
The caller was also asking about Howard TV and not being able to get On Demand up there. Gary told him that it's the cable company that he has to deal with. They were kind of distracted by a class of kids out in the hall who were waving to them as they were talking about the blacks and all of that.
Gary told the caller to call the cable company about the Howard TV thing because it's up to them to put it on. Gary said that if they put porn on their On Demand service then they should put Howard TV on no problem.
Lisa said that Bubba the Love Sponge was supposed to do this show for here where she's going to be finding a date. She said that didn't work out so she decided to do her own show.
Lisa said that she's going to be going to fat camp this summer for a whole month out in Arizona. She wasn't sure if it was the same fat camp that Colin Quinn went to. Gary said that it didn't work out for Colin.
Lisa said that she wishes that they could record this for Howard because she's going to be in the house with a bunch of other people. She said that she's really scared about gaining all of this weight and wants to keep it stable.
Gary told Lisa about going out to eat with Artie and how he wasn't able to fit into a booth so they had to sit at a table. Sal said that Artie can't even wipe right anymore so he asked Lisa if she's got problems. Lisa said she doesn't yet.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he likes Lisa's honest humor. Lisa talked more about the fat camp thing with him. She was also talking about this TV deal she's working on that she can't announce yet. She said that she hopes that works out.
Another caller asked Lisa if she had a bunch of black cocks sticking out of her, would she look like a 500 pound porcupine or a 5000 pound porcupine. Lisa told the guy that comedy isn't his thing. No one was laughing.
Jon played a clip of Lisa talking to Howard earlier this morning. After that Jon took another call from a guy who said that he had spoken to Lisa on Raw Dog Comedy one time. Lisa didn't seem to remember him but she spent a minute talking to him anyway.
Lisa talked about some of the guys that she's dated and how they've always got money problems and things like that. Jon went to the phones again after that one woman said that she wants to be part of Lisa's TV show. Lisa told her that when she gets desperate enough she'll give her a call. They had to go to break after that.
The caller said that Howard is great with the guests but he just doesn't seem to want to do the show and he's very irritated. He figured that maybe it was the wedding plans that were getting to him. Gary said he's really not sure.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he doesn't like Sal and thinks that his calls are just rip offs of Jerky Boys calls. He went off on him for a couple of minutes but Jon tried to defend him a bit.
Another caller said that he thinks that Sal is great on the show and brings some great bits to the show. He said that Richard does seem to be a bit retarded though. He went on to ask Lisa if she'd consider letting the guys on the show roast her. Lisa said that of course she'd let them do that there. She said that any call she gets from Howard would be a yes.
The caller asked Gary if they would do that. Gary said that they haven't decided if they would go outside of the Stern Show family. He said that they have to figure out who will be next to roast there. They're giving it a rest for now but they will do another one.
Gary said that he's not sure who would have the balls to roast Fred. Sal said that he might be able to do it but the guys figure he'd cross the line and Fred would snap on him.
Jon took some more calls for Lisa and one guy talked about hearing a story about Lisa trying to get a woman fired for doing something that wasn't all that big of a deal. Lisa said that she'd like to get a lot of people fired but she usually has a reason for it if she does.
Jon asked Lisa about her dating show that's on tonight. She told Jon what they'll be doing and how she's going to try and find a date out of the guys that she has in. She said that she does want to see the guys but Gary told her that she should base it on the person and not on the looks. Lisa said she'll talk to Jim McClure about that after this show. Lisa said that you can check out her web site InsultComic.com for more information on the dates she has coming up. The guys had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started off the show talking about how Gary was asking him about Hillary Clinton staying in the race even though it appears to be over for her. Howard said he thinks that she's staying in hoping for a miracle that Obama is going to be unelectable in a general election and they'll go with her instead. He also said that he thinks that she's going to be hoping that the Superdelagates are going to come around and go with her.
Robin said that the polls are showing that Barack Obama would beat McCain. Howard said he had a lot to get to today so he had to get started. He said that they're having the Celebrity Superfan contest today. They're going to have Jeff Probst, Jerry O'Connell and Jimmy Kimmel coming in to compete against each other. He said that they all know a lot about the show.
He said that Jerry didn't know the NBC days and Jeff Probst missed out on some of the stuff before they moved to the internet on SIRIUS. He said that Jimmy used to get some tapes years ago but he might not be up on the full history of the show.
Howard said that they have some easy questions for them but sometimes the guys might just slip up on those. He said that they thought all of this through very thoroughly.
Howard said that Jeff Probst was dating one of the girls on the show for 3 years but he's broken up with that person.
The guys talked about how Sue has pretty much stayed the same through the years. Howard figured she must be 60 at least but she does look great for her age. He said she does look a little ''pulled back'' to him though. He said that she's been on TV there for many years. Howard played another clip of a person saying the word ''shit'' on the air during a live news report.
Howard mentioned that Jimmy Fallon has been named as the replacement for Conan O'Brien when he leaves to take over Jay Leno's show. He said he doesn't understand all of that because Jay is still getting good ratings. He said that now they're saying that NBC is offering Jay a prime time show where he would do some of the stuff he does on the Tonight Show now. He figures that would flop pretty quickly though.
Howard said that Jimmy was on Conan last night and Conan seemed to be happy about the way things are going. Howard said that Conan is an unknown quantity at 11:30 at night because he's never gotten huge ratings in the 12:30 slot.
Howard said that Jimmy threw out some Baba Booey references during his Conan appearance. He played the clips of Jimmy doing that. He and Conan had some fun with that stuff for a short time while Jimmy was doing his Regis Philbin impression. That led to Howard playing a few Baba Booey song parodies.
Artie mentioned a Baba Booey song parody he wanted to hear but Howard wasn't able to find it. Fred dug through the many that they had and found the one that Artie wanted to hear which was to the tune of the Rolling Stones' ''Gimme Shelter.''
Howard had another clip to play of some wrestling fan getting all emotional while asking some wrestlers some questions. The guy was telling them that he appreciates what they've done to their bodies or something and then starts crying about it. Robin said that man should be arrested for that.
Howard said that it seems like the fans of that wrestling shit are as unstable as the wrestlers. Artie said that he knew a guy who had a neighbor who watched that stuff and would yell at the TV. Howard said he thinks that Ronnie the Limo Driver was into that stuff for a while and he'd have people over to watch it. He said that he tries to downplay it now though.
Howard replayed the clip of the wrestling fan crying and goofed on that guy a little more. Artie got a lot of laughs out of that clip. Howard was wondering about the name of the wrestler the guy was throwing out there. Howard and Artie were doing impressions of the guy as they played the clip for the third time. Howard said that guy was really emotional there. Artie said that the wrestlers have to deal with those fans.
Howard asked Gary to give him the information for the sponsor of this Celebrity Superfan contest. Gary said that he was going to give it to him right before the contest.
Howard said that Jerry O'Connell does a great Tom Cruise impression. He said he saw him do a parody of the Tom Cruise Scientology tape that was leaked a few months back. Howard played a clip from that where Jerry is doing the impression of his creepy laughing and goofy speech about why he's in Scientology.
Artie didn't get the reference or what he was parodying. Howard and Robin explained it to him but Artie had no idea what they were talking about.
Howard said that he really should have told Dusitn how much he appreciates his work but he never got around to it. He and the guys threw out some of the names of the movies he did that they loved.
Howard said that Chaz Palmentari also came up to him and said hello. He said that was kind of cool. The guys spent a few minutes talking about those guys. Howard said that he wasn't thinking on his feet with Dustin and he really regrets not telling him how much he appreciates him.
Howard talked about some of the other people he saw back stage at the Rain Forrest concert. He talked about the stars who brought their kids to the show and how he really just wanted to see people like Billy Joel performing his hit songs and not with his kids. He said that he liked that James Taylor's kids got up to sing because he was able to go pee while that was going on.
Howard said that he usually has trouble going to the bathroom because he thinks that people are listening to him when he goes. Howard said that he figured that the whole Carnegie Hall was going to see him get up to go pee but Beth told him to go for it anyway. He said that James Taylor's daughter, Sally, was singing at the time and he figured that he wasn't going to miss anything.
Howard said that nothing is going to happen for these kids at this point because they're just getting too old. He said that James Taylor's son is a great kid but he doesn't think that they're going to hit big. Howard mentioned some of the people who were shaking his hand while he was heading to the bathroom. He said that he felt like the grand Prince.
Howard said that the usherette told him he couldn't walk back down during the performance so he had to wait. He said that she was treating him like riff-raff or something. He said that it was just James Taylor and his kids. He said that he figured he could walk down the aisle and not interrupt anyone.
Artie asked if James Taylor did any hit songs. Howard said he thinks he did ''Carolina On My Mind'' but that was about it. He said that he gets obsessed with what's going on up on stage. He said that everything bothers him when he's watching.
Howard said that Sting didn't come up to say hello to him back stage. He said that his wife came over to him but she was busy keeping her eye on everything else that was going on there.
Howard said that he thinks that maybe when she told him to kiss her cunt someone canceled it for her. Howard said that maybe he should do that to callers from now on and cancel their subscriptions for them.
Howard said that he got a lot of mail about that call that Jessica had with him where she told him to kiss her cunt. He went through some of the mail trying to find the one that he was talking about. He found some of that mail and read it to Jessica. One person said that Howard told Jessica that he didn't want to dwell on any one thing for too long but then pointed out how much time he spends with Eric the Midget.
Howard said he thought that Jessica had made her point that day and he just wanted to move on. Jessica said that she was trying to make her point but she wasn't able to get through it because Howard kept interrupting her. Howard said he got the point and he tried to move on. He explained what her point was but Jessica said that she wasn't able to say it eloquently that day.
Jessica went off on Howard for telling Dominic that he used him all these years. Howard said he was just being honest. He said that he really did use Dominic. Jessica said that's just wrong and it's not funny. Howard said he wasn't trying to be funny. Jessica told Howard that he's just changed and it's not cool to tell him that he had used him. Howard said that he was being honest. Jessica insisted that it was just cruel.
Jessica told Howard that he's really just an asshole. Howard said that he's going to get more hate mail after that. He read through some more of the mail he got the last time. Howard laughed at some of the mail and said that he was in a bad mood today until he started going through this stuff. The mail was mostly on Jessica's side in the whole thing but it was making him laugh.
Howard said that he got a lot of hate mail about that whole thing. Jessica thought that Howard was just trying to kiss Barbara Walters' ass that day. Howard told Jessica that he has to keep the show moving in the direction he thinks it needs to go and that's what he was doing. He said that it seems like Jessica wants to attack him because he moved her along even though she was done with her point.
Jessica said that she was sorry that she didn't just let him move on. Howard read through a few more of the e-mails he got about how he should have just let her get her points out. There was someone who was on Howard's side and said that she brought the show to a screeching halt. That person also said that she was 90 years old. There was one person who brought up her late boyfriend who had passed away recently. That got Jessica very upset and she said that he didn't even have to read that one on the air. Howard tried to defend himself but she was all upset and told him not to bring his name up even if it's in the mail.
Jessica said that Howard has everything and he didn't have to bring that up because it's just not right. Howard said that he was just reading the mail to her. He didn't bring it up to hurt her feelings. He said that he was just reading every hate letter about him. He didn't know that would upset her. Jessica said that there's no reason to say that stuff.
Howard told Jessica that he really loves her and he's going to suggest that she stop calling the show. He said that they've gotten into some strange conversations lately and he seems to be coming off poorly in their conversations lately. He said that it might be best not to talk to her anymore. Robin told him that it was very wrong and then Jessica went off on him yelling at him about how much she hates him.
Jessica gave Howard some ''fuck yous'' but Howard said he didn't know what he was doing wrong. Robin told him that what he just did is the worst thing that a person can do. She said that he's controlling the conversation and basically saying that he's taking his ball and going home. She said that he was doing well until he said that.
Howard was going to try and fix it but Jessica had hung up by that point. Howard said he didn't know what to do there. He didn't want to be involved in that stuff. He said that this was too much drama for him. He was trying to tell Jessica about what an asshole he was but then she was yelling at him about him being an asshole. He said he's just trying to entertain his fans and he's not sure what she wants from him.
Robin said that this show is Jessica's personal friend and that's why she's so hurt by all of this. Howard said that he was trying to say to her that he must have come across as a real asshole the other day but she didn't even take that very well.
Robin told Howard that he can't cut her off from the show like he was doing though. Howard said that she's got him very concerned at this point. Robin said that he should be concerned.
A caller asked Howard to have Gary cancel his subscription if he keeps having Jessica on the air. Howard said that this is just a radio show. He said that he kind of blames Robin for this whole thing. Howard said he was being sincere and trying to help Jessica not get upset anymore by not calling the show. He said that he didn't know he was going to come across as an asshole again.
Jessica called back in and said she missed what he had just said. Howard explained how he was sorry for what he had done to her and said he was trying to make things right. He said that he was going to try and get her a free subscription too. He said that he didn't mean that he didn't want to talk to her anymore but he wanted to stop upsetting her so that's why he was suggesting that she not call anymore. He then blamed it all on Robin again.
Jessica said that it's not Robin's fault. She said that she and Howard have had some arguments before but not all that many. Howard said that he wants to be a good force in Jessica's life and not make her upset. He said that he didn't want to hurt her.
Howard said that he has a show to do and he doesn't want to spend that much time on this kind of stuff. Howard and Jessica both agreed that they were over the Barbara Walters conversation. Howard said that he always hangs up on people before saying goodbye to them and that doesn't mean that he's mad at them.
Jessica said she knows all of that stuff. She was still kind of crying as she was saying all of this. Howard said he wasn't looking to go down this negative path with her. He said that he still cares about her and she's the only one who he has sent flowers to other than his own family. He said that he's been ridiculously nice to her over the years.
Howard also talked about Dominic and how he thinks that Dominic can take the ribbing he does with him. He said that Dominic knows that he likes him even if he doesn't want to spend that much time with him these days. He said that he understands it when he says he uses him and that it's just a joke. Howard said that he and Dominic are both users and they use each other, that's the beauty of life.
Robin said that was all very depressing and she was ready to go take some pills. Artie asked Jessica if she's talking to someone about Ronnie dying because it sounds like she might need therapy. Jessica said that she just got upset and it doesn't mean that she needs a psychiatrist. Howard told her that it might be good for her. He said that he doesn't want to upset her because he really does love her.
Artie said he thought that Jessica was a little unstable. Jessica said that he should talk. She went off on him about what he had just said so Robin tried to stop him before he upset her more. Artie said he feels bad for her. Jessica said that Ronnie had died 3 months ago and Artie didn't think that she should still be getting that upset this long after. Jessica told Robin to tell him to stop before he makes things worse.
Howard said that he heard that Lisa G was out there making fun of Jessica. Robin said that people like that are messed up and those are the ones who have a problem. Robin said that she wanted to hear the heartless Lisa.
Lisa came in and said that she thinks that Jessica needs to get another life outside of the show. Jessica told her that she doesn't know shit about her and she has a lot going on in her life and told her to mind her own fuckin' business. Lisa said she didn't want this on the air. She was thinking that she just wants someone to shoot her if anything like this ever happens to her.
Jessica and Lisa went back and forth about some stuff and Lisa thought that she had left some messages for her but Jessica said she doesn't even have voice mail. Howard let Jessica go a short time later. Artie told her to go listen to her radio for four hours and get to her life after that.
Howard and Robin told Artie that he's one to talk. They talked about how he's just as much of a mess as she is but in a different way. Robin said that Jessica is just emotionally unstable right now and she's getting it out of her system when she cries.
Howard said that he's heard that if they make too many stipulations for the merger that Mel Karmazin has said they won't go through with it.
Howard asked Lisa to go through with her Howard 100 News Preview. She said that she spoke to the British announcer that Artie has been goofing on lately. She also said that they have a story about Beth O telling them who is designing her wedding gown. She said it's a designer by the name of Marquesa or something like that. Lisa said that they've also gone to Applebee's with Richard Christy and his girlfriend.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that they did a great job with the Bowling Beauties show on Howard TV. The guy said that he popped a rod when he was watching it and if a guy doesn't, he's got to be gay. Howard talked to the guy for a short time and then had to go to break.
Howard said hello to Jimmy Kimmel, Jerry O'Connell and Jeff Probst who were all going to be playing the game. Howard said that they sounded kind of strange on the mics but he wasn't sure why.
Howard said that he thought that Jimmy was going to be the favorite in this contest but Jeff Probst is a big fan too and listens when he's out doing the Survivor shoots. Howard told Scott that something sounded strange to him and he wanted him to try and fix it.
Howard said that Jeff Probst is going into his 17th season with ''Survivor.'' He had to stop again when he heard hat the guys were in just one channel. Howard asked Scott if they had to break again so they could fix it. Howard said that Jeff was in just one channel and he knows that they didn't test the mics before the show. Jeff wondered how that can happen at a huge show like that. Scott finally hit a button and fixed the problem. Howard went off on Scott for a minute asking him how it's possible that he didn't even notice it was in just one channel. He said that he knows that Scott would let the whole bit go like that with just one channel.
Howard said he really should fire Scott. Jimmy said that he can't fire him because that's part of the show. Jeff agreed and said that they can't fire him.
Howard started over with Jeff and said that he used to rely on tapes of the show but now he's able to listen online. He said that Jimmy is good except for the NBC days. Jerry O'Connell might just take it because he leaves messages for Gary all the time and he's been a listener for a very long time. Jerry said that he was from New York so he's been a fan for a very long time.
Howard said that Jeff has become a producer at ''Survivor'' and asked him if he was getting more money for it. Jeff said he's not, they just gave him the title. Howard asked if it was true that he was almost broke just before he got the Survivor gig. Jeff said that he was down to his last 10 grand at the time.
Howard said that Jeff is now a multi-millionaire and he's banging the chicks on the show regularly. Jeff said that's not a regular thing. He said that he doesn't get any of the syndication money but he's also not complaining.
Jeff said he was dating Julie from Survivor for 3 years. Howard said he predicted that it was going to end and he was right. Jeff noticed that Jerry was holding up a sign for Benjy that said something about Ivy Supersonic. He was just showing off his knowledge of the show.
Howard asked Jeff if Julie was visiting him on the set of the show while he was away. Jeff said that she was. He said that the relationship just didn't work out though. He said that he's dating again but not a contestant. He said that he may never date another contestant because of the way that worked out.
Jeff said that he's glad that Artie is back and sane. Jimmy said that he thinks that it would have been great if Fred had gone into Artie's theme song when he was in that rage against Teddy that day that he freaked out. Artie said that maybe Heroin would have calmed him down. He said that he thought that Fred would have taken him down that day but he didn't.
Jeff said that he's playing today for a charity called the Serpentine Project and that charity is something that he started himself. Howard asked if he would prefer to play for himself and not for a charity. Jeff said that he's happy to play for the charity. The charity is for foster kids.
Jimmy said he's giving his money to his gardener if he wins. Howard spent some time talking to Jimmy about his girlfriend Sarah Silverman and how they've said that they have no plans to get married. Howard asked Jimmy what he makes of this NBC announcement about Jimmy Fallon taking over for Conan O'Brien. Howard said that he thins that Jay may try to move to ABC and take over the 11:30 time slot there. Jimmy said he doesn't like that there are going to be two Jimmy's in that 12:30 time slot.
Jerry said he worked at ABC and he thinks that they like Jimmy so much that they won't let him go. He doesn't think that Jay Leno will move to ABC. Howard asked Jerry if he thinks that Jay is an asshole and doesn't belong on TV. Jerry didn't answer. He said he is worried about Stuttering John though. Howard said he doesn't think that Jay will bring him along if he does leave NBC.
Jimmy said that he thinks that there will be a place for him somewhere. He said that it may or may not be at ABC. Howard said he thinks that this makes no sense that NBC wants to get rid of Jay when he's beating David Letterman. Jimmy said they may have thought that he was going to be weaker at this point than he was. Howard said it was all very intriguing to him.
Howard asked Jimmy who he was playing for today. Jimmy said that he's playing for Autism Speaks. Then Howard got Eric the Midget on the phone because he wanted to tell Jimmy that he hates him. Eric was upset with the way Jimmy treated him after he went to see his show a couple of months back.
Jerry O'Connell told Eric that he thinks that he's balking at doing this Colin Quinn film but he would like to help him out with some of his lines and stuff to give him some confidence. Howard asked Jerry if he would appear in the movie. Jerry said he would have to ask his agents about that. Jimmy said that he would appear in the movie without question.
Jerry said that he would help Eric out no problem and Eric said that he wouldn't mind that. Howard told Jerry how great he was with the Tom Cruise impression that he did on the internet. Jerry told Eric that he has to listen to his co-actors when he works with them. Jerry said that the first scene that he shot in ''Stand By Me'' was a dramatic scene and he wasn't paying attention so Rob Reiner told him he's got to listen to what's going on there. That's some advice he was passing along to Eric.
Howard asked Eric why he hates Jimmy so much. Eric said that he didn't like the way he treated him after he appeared on his show. Jimmy said that he's no different than anyone else who meets him. Howard let him go a short time later. Jimmy said that he loves Eric and it breaks his heart that he hates him.
Howard said that Jerry is married to Rebecca Romijn and asked why he's not at home with her. Jerry said that he and Rebecca are good and they may have kids some day. Jerry said that on the set of his last TV show the guys on the show would call him ''Stamos'' but there were some people who weren't too happy about that so he suggested that they don't talk about it.
Howard asked Jerry who he's playing for today. Jerry said that Jimmy had suggested that they should have been playing for the North Shore Animal League. Howard said that they should have played for wack packers. Jerry said that he's playing for the Reading is Fundamental charity.
Howard said that it was time to play the game so he played the theme song that they had recorded. He said that all three of the guys had said they know a lot about the show so that's why they were there today. Howard said they have 5, 10 and 25 point questions. He said they'll start out with the 5 point and move to the 10 and then the 25 point questions.
Howard saw that Jimmy had drawn a big cock and balls on his board. Howard asked the guys not to cheat in the game and told them not to say a word. Here are the 5 point questions and the correct answers:
Howard moved on to the 10 point questions after that. Here they are:
Howard wrapped up with the guys a short time later and said that the Sonos music system sponsor was going to be donating $5,000 to Jimmy's charity.
Jeff said that he was honored to have been part of the first Celebrity Superfan show. Howard asked him if he wanted to plug anything. Jeff said he was just there as a fan. Howard told him he's going home with a CD of Scott's son's band. Jeff asked if it was going to be in Mono or Stereo referring to the earlier screw up.
Jimmy said that he's going to be sticking around for the rest of the show. Jerry said he'd like to stick around too. Howard said that they're all welcome to stay if they want.
One guy suggested that they ask Jerry the same questions over again and see if he can answer them. Jerry gave an answer for one question and got it wrong again. He mentioned Jeff the Drunk as being on of the Wack Packers that had died. Jeff was on the phone a few seconds later. Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that Jerry really blew it today. She thinks that she should be allowed to play. Howard said that they all know that she'd be good.
Eric the Midget called back in and said that he wanted to plug the shows he's doing tonight at JFSC.tv. Howard said that he did get on earlier though. Eric said he didn't expect to get on during that game. Howard said that Eric is actually disrupting the commercial he's in the middle of. He put him on hold after that.
Jeff interrupted too and said that he's obviously not a Superfan caliber fan even though he listens every day. Howard took another call from a guy who asked how they're superfans. Jimmy said he wanted to go up against this guy, Tom, on the phone. Howard had some questions for them. Here they are:
Howard came back and said that was fun and Jimmy and Jerry were both hanging out now. Robin said that Jerry needs to bone up on his trivia so he should stick around. Jerry said that he should be interning. Howard said that Jerry should be happy that he's not that good and he must have something going on in his life.
Howard asked Jerry if he's still banging his wife as much as he was when they first met. Jerry said that things are going great and the first year wasn't as hard as people were telling him it would be.
Robin asked Jerry how long he had been going out with Rebecca before they married. Jerry said it was a few years. He said that they lived together too. Jerry said that he tries to never fight with her even when they do instigate fights.
Howard asked Jerry if he gets bothered by people hitting on her. He said that it doesn't bother him and he can't do anything about it. Jimmy asked him about the fights and who instigates them. Jerry said that when you live with someone you're going to have differences. He said he has a baseball that keeps getting hidden from him. He also said that the TV gets turned off sometimes when he's watching football. He said that he loves football and Rebecca will just come in and turn off the TV.
Howard said he heard that she makes him turn off the TV. Jerry said that they came to an agreement where he can watch the image of the game but she gets to listen to music while it's on. Howard said that he shouldn't have to go through that.
Howard said that must be the problem with being with a hot chick because they're so used to getting what they want. Jerry was saying that he knows that there are demands being made and he would normally tell the woman to shut the fuck up but he's making exceptions for Rebecca because he loves her so much.
Howard asked Jimmy if he would put up with that. Jimmy said that Sarah deals with it and lets it happen because she knows that's part of the deal. Howard said he gets the feeling that Jerry is on the losing end of that whole thing. He heard that he has a sign above the toilet asking him to put the seat down when he's done in the bathroom. Jerry said he got in trouble because he was putting the lid down too and he's only supposed to put the seat down.
Howard said that Rebecca is a lot of fun and he's been able to hang out with her before. He said he thinks that Rebecca really likes him and would prefer to spend the day with him over Beth. Jerry said he'd rather spend the day with Beth than Howard.
Jimmy said he had some stuff that he wanted to bring up from their vacation but he wasn't sure if it was okay. Howard told him it was fine.
Howard said that Jimmy is such a fan of the show that when he wants to hear the show, he says to Sarah ''Halibut'' in the voice that Howard does when he's talking about his father. Howard said that his father thinks that Halibut is the only fish out there now.
Jerry said that he flew in yesterday and he bought a NY Times and he can only think of Howard's father when he sees the paper. He said that's a really weird thing to have happen when you think of Howard's dad when you pick up a newspaper.
Jimmy told Howard that he's a lot like his father. He said that they sit down to eat dinner around 4:30 in the afternoon. Howard said that's because he's hungry.
Howard said that Rebecca was on the phone and wanted to yell at Jerry. He picked up the phone and it turned out to be clips of Lily Tomlin freaking out on a movie set saying ''Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you.''
Jimmy said that Sarah thinks that she's not bad at ordering food but she really is. He said that she'll say what she wants but she'll form it as a question. He said that when they're around Howard she'll straighten up her act and get the order in quickly because she knows that Howard is like his father. Howard said that he wants to eat when he goes out and he just wants to eat. He said that it is a curse to him that he's like his father. Howard said that he orders his food with his drink and that's what Jerry does as well.
Artie said there's name for people like that and it's ''asshole.'' Howard said there is such a thing as too much time with people and he doesn't want to spend that much time out to dinner. The guys were talking about how it must help the restaurants with their turnover if Howard rushes through his meal.
Howard said that he loves being with Jimmy and Sarah but he can only spend so much time with them. He said they do have fun though. Jimmy said that Beth went out with them one night and they were out until like Midnight. That would never happen with Howard.
That led to a discussion about the time Howard left Gary's party early because he just wanted out. Artie said that Howard was yelling for Beth to get her out of there while the rest of them were getting their desert served. Howard said he just wanted to get out and Beth wanted out too. He claims that she told him in private that she was glad that he took her out of there.
Howard said he doesn't do that stuff to be rude, he just can't take it and has to get out. He said that he doesn't want to be invited to anything because he knows he's an asshole. Gary said that he thinks that Howard doesn't care about anyone else and that's why he does that.
Jimmy said that he thinks that Howard is made uncomfortable at all of these things and that's why he wants out. Everyone is following his lead and he doesn't want that. Jimmy said that he has a great time with Howard and Beth on vacation when they go.
Robin said that Howard is very rude. Gary said that he was just abrupt. Robin said that she took him to the Rain Forest concert one time and he just vanished from the show without telling her that he was leaving. Howard said he did that to ''not be rude'' by not making a big deal out of leaving. Robin said she wanted to have a good time with him and didn't think he was going to leave like that.
Howard said that Jimmy doesn't get up as early as he does. He said that the whole day is over by the time they get up. He gets up at like 5 in the morning even on the weekends.
Gary said that when he went to Bubba's wedding he got up really early but he saw that Howard and Beth had already gone for a run and were on their way back to the hotel. He said that's not such a bad thing. Artie asked how that's a vacation when they're running.
Jimmy said that he loved when Howard stayed behind while the rest of them went into town when they were down in Mexico. Howard said that he was dead serious about that day when he said he didn't want to go into town because he was afraid of getting kidnapped. He said that he told Beth not to go into town because there were stories about country singers being kidnapped and killed.
Howard said that he told Beth to go ahead but not to call him if she got kidnapped. He said he sat around waiting for them to come back and then they showed up and talked about what a great time they had. Howard said he was perfectly happy just staying at the resort. Jimmy thought it was funny that Howard didn't want to come along and try and protect Beth.
Howard said that they were with some people who wanted to buy some pot in town and he wanted nothing to do with that. He had heard stories about people being kidnapped or killed asking for drugs.
Jerry said that he and Rebecca usually stay in the resorts too and not go out and run into people who might want to take their pictures or something. He also said that the resorts are so expensive he can't see spending time away from the place.
Howard said that Jimmy is easy going and seems to have a lot more fun than he can. Howard talked about the party he was invited to for his old friend Chris Booker down in Atlantic City. He said he read that he was going to have to hide in his room until Booker showed up and he wanted nothing to do with that. He said that he wasn't going to hide in his room like that and said he just wasn't going to go. Robin said that it wasn't like that, they were just asking people to avoid the restaurant that they were going to. Howard said he doesn't need that pressure.
Howard asked Jimmy if Sarah really likes him. Jimmy said she does and she really likes Beth too. Howard said that he played Scrabble with Jimmy and Sarah one day and he hated it. He said that he's just not good at it and didn't like playing.
Jimmy said that he was online watching Eric but he figured that he didn't want to get involved with it because he could spend all day and night watching him.
Howard said he had some clips of Eric doing his Country Music show on Friday morning. He told the guys that Eric can't hear himself so the music is louder than him. He played one clip where Eric was talking up a song after one ended. There was a few seconds of silence in there and then Eric was talking but the music was so much louder than him that he couldn't be heard.
Howard played a couple of clips for Jimmy and had him and Artie laughing pretty hard at the clips. Howard asked if Jerry has ever heard such a horrible show. Jerry said he just needs to polish up a bit on the transfers.
Artie was singing over Eric as he was trying to explain the way he does things. The guys asked Eric if he's nervous about the movie he's making with Colin Quinn. Eric said that he's not nervous at all.
Jimmy said he loves that Eric is mad at him after he got him the tickets for the American Idol show. Jimmy was also asking about the flying with balloons thing and if that will ever happen. Jimmy said he wants to be there to cut the string where Eric flies.
Eric said that tonight on the JFSC they'll be doing the first of the final American Idol show coverage. Artie kept talking over him and telling him ''BYE!'' when he'd try to get in a plug.
Howard asked Eric if he had a huge pimple on his face. Eric said no but pulled his hat down over his face to hide whatever it was. Howard asked him to move the hat but Eric refused. Howard told Eric he really had to go and let him go a short time later. Howard told him he should take Jerry up on that offer to help him out with the acting.
A caller asked Howard if he ever banged Rebecca. Howard said he didn't, he was just friends with her and John Stamos. He said that they did have the girls naked one night in his apartment though. He said that he still has the pictures of the girls naked but he keeps them locked up in a safe place.
Jerry said that he asked Rebecca if he could take pictures of her one time and she said no. He said that he thinks she was afraid the pictures would get out there. He said that he had one of those wind up cameras and he would have had to have had the film developed so he figured that it was best not to.
Jimmy asked Robin if Jim has asked her to take naked pictures. Howard said that she had a guy who used to take video of her in the shower. Howard asked Fred, as Jim, if he had wanted to take pictures. Fred said that he had and he got some good shots of her asshole. Jimmy said he can't believe that Robin is dating a retarded puppet.
Howard took a call from a guy whose phone was breaking up. He wasn't making a lot of sense. The guy was trying to say that Jerry got a good deal with his wife even though she might not want him watching football games all day long.
Irish John called in and asked Jimmy what happened to that guy he used to drag around like Michael Jackson used to drag around Emanuel Lewis. He was talking about Andy Milinokis. Jimmy told him what he thought he was up to with his shows and stuff. Irish also suggested that Howard replace Eric the Midget with Gary Coleman because everyone is getting tired of Eric's plugs. Howard and Jimmy both said that won't happen. Jimmy still loves Eric. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard said that Jerry knows Beetlejuice because his mother taught him at the school he went to. Jerry said he knew Lester and had no idea that he would some day be the star that he is. Jerry said that his mother did love him as a student though. He said that he was one of her favorites.
Jerry said his aunt also taught at that school and everyone is concerned about his drinking these days. He apparently gets very drunk. Howard said that he asked Beetlejuice to spell his name one time and he spelled red (It was actually the other way around Howard).
Howard said that William Shatner is going to be in tomorrow. Tabitha Stevens is also coming in to play ''What Would Tabitha Do?'' with them. He said that Gary had a conversation with her on the phone and asked her what she'd be willing to do to get on the show. He said that Gary ran down a list of about 20 things and they have to guess what she was willing to do to get on the show. One of the tings was allowing a mouse to live in her vagina.
Howard said that it's the craziest game and people are going to love it. He said that it will be a very special moment on the show tomorrow. Robin said that she liked when Tabitha called in to talk about Jon Hein's claims about the number of blow jobs he had.
Howard said that Howard TV had some video of the fight so he played the audio. Sheik went off on Beet for saying something about Bob. Beet and Sheik were arguing and Beetle actually sounded more reasonable than Sheik. Beet told him not to come in his face but Sheik kept it up. Beet said that he'd knock Sheik right the fuck out.
The guys got a few laughs out of that clip. Howard said that they really shouldn't travel together. Howard said that clip will be on Howard TV. He asked Steve how long he's suspended. Steve said that it's ''at least a couple of months.''
Steve said that they have a story about this inmate by the name of Caesar who helped get Artie into a private cell in Los Angeles when he was arrested. Artie said that there's no way that's the real kid. Steve said that they have a story about SaveBabyGorilla.com where they're raising money to donate to a charity to save some real baby gorillas.
Steve said that there was a strange plug for Benjy on the show the other day so they're going to be investigating that. Steve said that Howard started at WRNW 31 years ago this week.
Howard said he had Beetlejuice on the phone and he was mad at Jerry. It was actually just audio clips of Beet but Jerry thought he was really on. Jerry asked him if he remembered his mother and Mrs. P. but Beet just went off on him. Jerry apologized to him not knowing they were goofing on him with the audio clips.
Jerry explained himself to the clips and then Jimmy broke the news to him that he was talking to tapes. Howard told Jerry that it was tapes of him. Jerry said that he asked Howard if it was really him and Howard nodded it was.
Steve wrapped up and then Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran down the list of things that they were going to be covering today. Jerry said that he called the show the day after the History of Howard Stern special. He said he didn't want to bother anyone else there and ended up getting a hold of Jon.
The guys talked to Jon about the blow jobs that he had gotten and how he was still claiming it was around 30. Jerry said he believes Jon and that number isn't that hard to believe. Jimmy said that including his first wife he had no blow jobs before he got married. Howard said that Jerry probably got a few.
Artie asked Jerry when he got skinny. Jerry said that his mother saw he was going down the wrong road and put him on a diet. Jerry said he got his first blow job when he was a junior in high school. He said that he didn't go to camp back then so that's where he thinks John could have gotten a lot of his blow jobs.
Jerry told Artie that he still has time but he should seriously think about his weight. Artie said that if he could get rid of this schedule he'd be fine. Jimmy said that every time he comes in Artie has something new going on and today it's the black eye. He said that it's kind of terrifying now. He said he got scared when he stood up.
Artie said that some day he'll tell the real story of what happened with the eye. He said he was just joking and there wasn't another story. He was sticking to the story that he tripped and fell into his dresser when he got out of bed.
Jimmy joked that someone was blowing Jon right then in the studio. Howard told him that was disgusting but Jerry said that was number 81 for Jon.
Howard asked Jerry how many different women he's had blow him. Jerry said it's not that high because he's not a blow job guy. He said he'd rather hit a home run than get a BJ. Artie said that he wanted to kill himself the day they asked Pauly Shore how many Playmates he had banged and he said ''I don't know.''
Jerry told a story about Pauly Shore pointing at women on a monitor at a club he was at. He said that he was pointing to the girls that were waiting outside and picking out the hot ones to let into the club.
Jimmy said that he's only slept with 3 women in his life. Robin pointed out that Jon Hein has beaten him in that and he must be embarrassed by that. Jimmy said that he's okay with it and he's no better looking than Jon Hein is.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Jimmy how he felt when Sarah sniffed Richard's balls. Jimmy said that he's never been prouder. Howard said that it was the funniest thing that he had ever seen that day. Robin said that Sarah was being driven by her driver one day and she was bragging about being the girl who had sniffed Richard's balls so she's proud of that fact.
A caller asked Jerry if he was treated like an asshole when he was shooting ''Stand By Me.'' Jerry said that was his first job but River Phoenix was nice to him. He said that Corey Feldman and one of the other kids were kind of bullyish toward him but not really bullying. He said that he's friendly with Corey now. He said he actually went to a CD signing he was doing one day.
Robin read a story about a woman who fell overboard on a cruise ship and she was never found. She had another story about a guy who was forced to sit on a toilet for 3 hours during a flight. Robin said that's crazy but Howard said that he heard he did it voluntarily. Jerry said that his brother had diarrhea one time in a flight and couldn't leave the bathroom but they forced him to come out before they would land.
Howard went to break around 10:00am. After the break Robin read a story about a guy who was having sex with a dead 92 year old woman in a morgue. The guy was only 25.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the Bowling Beauties show was amazing on Howard TV. He said he liked Jim as the host. Howard said that Jim Florentine was a great host and Robin had better watch out because he might get a show and run off. The caller asked for a tour of the studio there and Howard actually gave it to him. He has said in the past that he won't give any more tours but he gave this guy one.
Howard asked Jerry what he's doing there in the city. Jerry said that he's going to be in a new pilot called ''The End'' and he's in town for the Up Fronts. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to Jerry about Rebecca and how things are going with her.
Jerry said that Rebecca actually has a sister and she's really hot too. Howard asked if he would ever do a threesome with the two. Jerry said that he would if Rebecca was into it but he's pretty sure that she wouldn't be into it and he can't imagine it ever happening. Jerry said that he was given the opportunity to do that one time and actually chickened out. He said that it was just a threesome, not a sister thing. Jerry said that he has regretted turning down that offer ever since.
Robin got back to her news and read a story but Howard interrupted and talked to Jerry about Rebecca's sister. Jerry said that she's really beautiful and there's nothing off about her like there is with some siblings of good looking people. Artie said that Jimmy should try to get Sarah Silverman's sister Laura because she's hot too.
Robin got back to the story she was reading about a couple who had groomed their daughter to be a prostitute. Howard got into some e-mail after that and read some feedback about Artie making a comment about Lindsay Lohan's sister who is actually only 14 years old. Artie said that he had a feeling she was younger than he thought and he said that she's probably a very nice girl.
Howard read an e-mail about Gary's breathing on the air being kind of annoying. The writer said that he sounds like Darth Vader on life support. Howard ended up goofing on him for a few seconds before having Robin get back to her news.
Robin read a story about Beyonce and how she's still denying that she's married to Jay-Z. She had a story about Steve-O having to go to court after he cleaned himself up. Howard said that they always tell people not to do the Jackass stunts but kids keep doing it.
Howard said that there have a guy there, Kevin, who does dopey stunts like that. The Howard TV guys had some video of him doing the stunts and he blew firecrackers off on his penis. Howard asked Kevin what he's up to. The guy came in and said that he just does it for his own entertainment. He said he's got a Myspace page (Myspace.com/SlowChildrenVideos) and a Youtube page going. Gary thinks that he's hoping that someone will discover him and hire him to do the Jackass thing. Jerry said he kind of liked it.
Robin read a story about the big earthquake that happened over in China. She had a story about the cyclone that hit Myanmar. That led to the guys talking about some of the hot FOX News reporters. Howard asked Jerry about who he thinks is really hot in Hollywood right now. Jerry said he agrees with Howard about that Rachel Bilson being really hot. Jimmy said he finds her to look a lot like a little kid.
Jerry said that he met Lauren Conrad of ''The Hills'' and thought that she was really cute too. He said he knew that they were going to goof on him about that. They did goof on him a little bit about it. He said that he had some fun with her at the Super Bowl when he ran into here there. Howard said that Jimmy told him that he was a big fan of Jennifer Garner. Jimmy said that's true.
Robin asked the guys who they were going to back in this presidential thing. Jerry said he wasn't really backing anyone. Jimmy said that he didn't want to say but said he'd give them a clue. He then said that the guy who he'd vote for is black.
Robin played some audio clips of Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton. Sarah Silverman was on the phone so Howard picked up and it was High Pitch Eric. Eric was saying that he really misses Jimmy and asked if he wanted to do a reality show with him. Howard and the guys asked ''Sarah'' about some sexual stuff. Eric did his ''Who's High Pitch'' when Artie asked him about his new apartment. Howard cut them off and said he had to end the show.
Robin got back to her news and read some stuff about Jimmy Fallon taking over for Conan O'Brien when he leaves for the Tonight Show.
Robin had a story about the Dancing with the Stars show finale coming up soon. Howard said that he has stopped watching the show because he can't see why a Chilean air force pilot is considered a star. He said that he feels great now that he has that extra time to do other things. That led to Howard talking about an article he read about American Idol and what's wrong with the show. He said that the author talked about getting rid of Paula and Randy and using some younger people to mentor the contestants on the show.
Howard said he feels liberated after getting out of watching that Dancing with the Stars show. Robin got back to her news and read through a few more stories and wrapped up her news. Howard ended the show around 10:40am.
Gary said that someone like Zach Braff would have been great playing this game today. He said that he's not sure he'd want to do the show though.
Gary said that he had some women who might want to do the show and he was thinking of having Jessica Hahn in to play. Jason argued that she's not a celebrity on any planet. He said that she's only a celebrity because she called the Howard Stern Show. Jerry said that she was a big deal back in her day and Jason may be too young to remember that.
Benjy said he agrees with Jason there but he does love Jessica. Jason said that she's cool when she calls into the show but he doesn't think that she belongs in that game. Gary said he had Sarah Silverman and Jillian Barberie lined up too. Gary said that Christa Miller is also a huge fan of the show and she might be good in that game.
Jon talked to Jerry about the game and how poorly he did. Jon asked Jerry if he thinks he was nervous or if the questions just weren't up his alley. Jerry said that when he listens to the show he's usually listening in the car for an hour each way to work. He said that it's also nerve wracking in the studio.
Gary said he gets that because people come in to play Win Fred's Money and they get a little thrown off by how much stuff is going on in the studio. Jerry said that it is a little bit surreal when you walk in the studio. He said that you're listening to the show but also being on. He said that some of the questions just weren't up his alley. Jerry said he was surprised that Ralph didn't call in to goof on him.
Gary said that Ralph was supposed to do something with them today that was important and he missed his plane and he's running late.
Jerry said that when you're a fan and you hear people not answering questions you get pissed. That's why he answers as much as he can. He said that Ryan Phillippe was a good guest because he was so open about stuff that Howard was asking.
Jon asked Gary if he was surprised that Jimmy won today. Gary said that he knows that Jimmy is a big fan of the show and he gets notes from hi mall the time. Gary said he knew that Jeff wasn't sure if he would win because he's missed big chunks of the show over the years.
Jon played a clip from the contest where Howard was asking the guys about a Crazy Alice audio clip. Jon said that Jerry seemed to be getting into a groove at that point. Gary said he was surprised that Jimmy missed that one.
Jerry said that he was on an episode of Double Dare when he was a kid and he did okay. He said that it was a big deal for him back then. He said that you do freeze up when you play a game like that though.
Jerry said he was really thrown off and ended up staring at Benjy and Fred and the stuff in the studio. Jason asked Jerry what it was like for him to see Scott the Engineer screwing up right in front of him. Jerry said that was fun. He said that when you hear it happening you think that Howard is hard on Scott but he did have a smile on his face. Gary said that smile would be gone if those three guys weren't in the studio.
Gary said that they have this guy Evan who works for them who said that they did test the equipment last night and he's not sure how that all goes wrong. Jason said that you'd think that Scott would test the equipment during the commercial break but he didn't bother. He said that Scott also just lumbers around and doesn't rush to get anything done.
Gary said that Scott had to walk from his studio to Howard's studio and he'd walk really slow and even get up really slow from his chair. Then he'd go to the studio and pull on his beard and then push a button and pick at his beard some more.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Jerry what it's like to be beaten by Jeff who hasn't even heard the show as much as him. Gary said that he actually suggested Jeff for the show. He said that it was hard to work out the game today but he lucked out with the guests because they all just happened to be in town this week. Jon said that Jeff is a big fan of the show and they knew that when he stopped by the Wrap Up Show a couple of months back.
Jerry said that this will probably bother him for the short foreseeable future but it will go away. He said that it stung but he has to look ahead and not dwell in the past. Jerry said all of the callers are right and he did mess up.
Another caller said he likes Jerry but he thinks that Ryan Philippe would have been a better player. He also thinks that they should have Jessica on for the next Celebrity Superfan contest. Jason said that she's a Superfan but she's not going to surprise anyone if she's good or bad.
Gary threw out the name Neil Patrick Harris for the game too. A caller suggested Lisa Lampanelli but Gary said that she might not be as big a fan as some of the other people.
Another caller asked Jerry what it was like working with Jill Hennessey. Jerry said she was great and she just had another kid with her husband.
Jerry spent a minute talking about how much more he likes the new shows than the old ones. He asked Gary why there's not a podcast of the show and only a live stream. Gary said he's not sure about that. Jerry thinks that they should have a downloadable podcast of the entire episode of the show instead of only offering it as a live feed. Jerry said he thinks that if they offered something that people had to pay for, it might work. Jason agrees with him about that and thinks that they should have downloads like that. Jon said that he thinks that Tim Sabean will take that and run with it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he thought that Jessica Hahn was a celebrity and she's still hot. The guy was 44 years old and Gary figured that's why he knew who she was. The caller said that he had a tough time with some of those questions even though he listens about 6 hours a day. Jerry said he should have had all of the questions but he has no excuse for not knowing.
Jerry said he had some problems with some of the wording of the questions. Benjy asked him some questions about some other stuff that's happened on the show and he did know some of the stuff. He didn't know that Artie had been busted for attempted bank robbery one time. Gary told him that story real quick.
Jerry talked about how funny some of the stuff on Master Tape Theatre has been. He talked about Benjy coming in dressed in a dress one day. Benjy said that it was a Dudu, not a dress.
Jessica also said that she would do the Superfan game but only if the fans wanted her to. She said that she thinks that her name isn't that well known now but most people over the age of 25 should know who she is. She said that she knows she's a household name but not a star.
Jason told Jessica that there's a difference between being infamous and being a celebrity. He said that she's infamous but maybe not a celebrity. Jason said that he thinks they should have on real celebrities for the game. Jessica said that she made some of the history books and she's been in Playboy and she's done a lot of TV and stuff. She knows that she's probably not a star though.
Gary said that there are a few people there who wouldn't even know who Sam Kinison was. Jessica said that she knows that and she's feeling like she's getting old now.
Jessica apologized for her behavior earlier this morning and how she's been speaking to Howard lately. Gary said that she knows that she still has to get through some stuff. Jessica said that she is just lashing out and she knows that she has to get through that. She said that she knows she may have to stop calling in and she feels terrible right now. Gary told her not to stop calling in. He said that he likes it when she's just real.
Benjy said that he likes Jessica but there was a certain mystique between Jerry and the show and not with Jessica and the show. Gary said that he'd love for Neil Patrick Harris to do it because he was so good on the show and he's a big fan of the show. He finds that interesting. Jon said that all of these guys are good guys.
Jerry was saying that Jessica is kind of like on eof those regular people on the show like ''Marilyn from Brooklyn.'' He had to be corrected on that. Jason said that Jessica really is like a Wack Packer and not so much a celebrity Superfan. Gary said that Jessica is not a Wack Packer.
Jason pointed out all of the stuff that Jessica does now that would make her a Wack Packer. Gary really doesn't think she is because he saw all of what she went through before she started doing the show. Jason said that she's a big part of the show just like Joey Buttafuoco and John Wayne Bobbit were.
A caller said that Jason is out of his mind and Jessica would kick ass in that game. Jason said that he still doesn't think that she's a celebrity.
Another caller asked Jerry about what it was like being there in the studio. Jerry described the studio and how colorful it is. He said that it's like listening to the show but you have the people talking right in front of you.
Jerry talked about the fight that Artie got into with Teddy and how long that week or 10 days was waiting for them to come back. Gary said that even he didn't know that Artie was coming back until that Monday morning. Jason said he didn't know either until he saw him walk in that morning.
Jerry complained about them not replaying the show that day and how frustrating that was. He said that there were a lot of theories going around about it being something just to keep the audience tuned in. He said that he was very relieved when Artie returned that Monday because he's so great on the show.
Jason said that there was also a thing about Artie not having suffered any consequences after the fight. Gary said that they don't know what happened there and if there were any consequences. He said there could have been some stuff that went on that they don't know about. Jason said he wondered if he could throw something at someone now and get away with it. Gary told him he'd have to get much funnier before he could do that.
Jerry said he thought that Howard was going to pull a ''you're dead to me'' with Artie after he resigned. Gary said that he figured that Artie really wasn't coming back after the resigning thing. He said that he reiterated it with him over the weekend. Gary said that he talked to Howard about it and he wanted to regroup before they did anything about replacing him.
Jerry said that he wanted to talk about the Amsterdam thing. He said that he wondered if he could have gotten away with going to Amsterdam with Jason and the guys. He said that he's been there with his wife before because she's Dutch. He said that the women there are really beautiful people. He said that they're all like the hottest volleyball players over there.
Jerry said that he's pretty sure that Rebecca is going to give him a hard time about some of the stuff he brought up today. He said that he brought up the football thing last time and got in trouble for that. He hopes that he got her side of the story in this time. He spent a minute on that football thing and said that's the one thing that they argue about.
Jason asked Jerry why he doesn't have another TV room of his own to watch in if they have some good money. Jerry said that she can't stay in another room for that amount of time. He said that he plays xBox too and he has to sort of wait for her to fall asleep before he can play. He said that's another argument that they have. He said he knows he sounds like a pussy but he's married and doesn't want to lose Rebecca. He said he likes having physical relations with her and he tries not to argue with her too much.
Jerry said that Rebecca has some friends that he'd rather not hang out with so he'll tell her to go off with them and hang out because he's got stuff to do. He said that she once wanted him to go to a baby shower but he refused and that turned into a fight. He said that there was no way he was going to go to a baby shower. Gary said that no guy ever came up with that idea.
Jerry said that he thinks that women have more time when guys are around and that's why they want their men involved with stuff like that. Gary said that the guys usually just hang out in one corner wishing that they weren't there.
Jerry said that they did get into an argument one time and Rebecca punched him. He said he was bruised for a long time. He said he had lied to her about going to a charity event one time and she found out. He said that the charity event was on a golf course for 6 hours. He said that he called her and told her what he was doing and when he got home she went off on him. He said she had been drinking a little bit so she really stepped into it and punched him. He said that she punched him on the side of the neck and put him down. He said he saw stars for a second and his heart rate went nuts for a little while.
Jon asked Jerry about the golf and if he expected to get into it with Rebecca after that. Jerry said that she can be very passionate, or hysterical, and she's got a lot of fire in her. He said that she's been through a lot of shit and he knows that she's going to get upset about stuff like that. He said that she went through a hard time with the divorce and all of that. She was with her ex for 10 years so that was a tough thing for her to go through. They had to go to break a short time later.
JD came in and Jon said that Jerry O'Connell was even more of a fan of JD's than JD seemed to be of his. Jerry said that he didn't have the ''Bat line'' to the show so he had to try and get in touch with someone at the show one time. He said that he had this book that he wanted to get to Artie after the Super Bowl this year. He said that he went through Howard's web site and used JD's e-mail. He said Artie told him that he never got the mail. He said he just met JD today and had no idea what he looked like until today.
Jerry said that he went to JD and found the e-mail that he had sent to him 3 months ago. JD said that it didn't take that much to find his e-mail, he just searched for ''Jerry'' and it popped up. Jerry said that Artie was happy to see the e-mail when JD finally gave it to him.
Jon asked Jerry if he wanted to be in their Fantasy Football League that they get into every year. He said that he'd love to.
Jon went to the phones again and one guy asked Jerry if he had ever passed up a role that went to an Oscar winner. Jerry said that he tends to take just about anything that's thrown his way. He said that he did audition for some stuff that he lost out on though.
Jerry said that he auditioned for ''Scent of a Woman'' one time. He said that he got called back for some more auditions and met Al Pacino but he just didn't get the part. He said that he felt the same way about that as he did losing the Celebrity Superfan contest today.
Jerry said that he went to see that movie and thought that he could act circles around Chris O'Donnell. He said that things probably happen for a reason though so he was okay with it.
Jerry talked about working on ''Jerry Maguire'' and how he had gone in for the role that Jay Mohr ended up getting. He said that they gave him another part instead. Jerry said that he was walking out to his car after getting turned down when a casting assistant told him to come back and read for the quarterback role. He said he was really happy about getting that part because he got to go to training camp to learn some stuff.
Jon brought up the Tom Cruise impression that Jerry did. He asked if he had heard from Tom Cruise after that. jerry said he didn't and he said he had to apologize for it. He said they didn't think they were going to get that much feedback about it. He and Jerry Miner had done the parody and figured it would be a little bit of an inside joke but it blew up really big. He said he felt a little bad about it and now he's kind of afraid of running into the guy since he's so big in the industry.
Jon went to the phone real quick and a guy asked if there's a set amount of time that Rebecca keeps his balls in her purse. Jon had to end the show after that.
Howard started off the show talking about some clips of Riley Martin he was listening to. He said he might start there but then said he had some John the Stutterer stuff to play. He had a clip of him making an odd noise that Dan the Song Parody man took and put into some songs. He played some other songs with John the Stutterer clips inserted into them. He had a Wizard of Oz song and a couple of others. Howard said that Dan is on top of his game lately.
Howard said he had a lot of stuff to get to today so he wanted to get some of this out of the way. He mentioned that they have Tabitha Stevens, William Shatner and some other guests today. Howard said they're going to be doing the ''What Will Tabitha Do'' game. He said he's looking forward to that. They mentioned one thing in a jingle for the game about doing a kangaroo. That led to Howard saying that Bubba had a bear on his show the other day and he saw pictures of it.
Howard said that the guys gave him a porn clip where a deaf woman was having sex. He said that it was so disturbing that he couldn't watch it for very long. He said that the guys who are doing her are very cruel. He played the clip where the guys ask her what her name is and then tell her to say that she's a whore. They ask her to throw up on one guy's cock. Then they have one cock in her ass and one in her vagina. Howard said that she had a giant load on her face and the guys talk to her about that.
Artie said he went to some parties out in L.A. where some porn people were at and all of the guys think that they're really funny, like the guys in that clip, and they're just not funny. He said that Tabitha is like that too.
Howard said that Gary was talking about how he wanted to do an all female Celebrity Superfan contest. He played a clip where Gary talked about that and mentioned Jessica Hahn as being one of the possible contestants. That's when Jason went off on him about that because he doesn't think that she's a celebrity.
Howard said that he had a clip of Jillian Barberie on her show out in L.A. talking about how she wanted to be a contestant on the Celebrity Superfan contest. Howard said she deserves some sort of reward or prize for promoting the show so much over there.
Artie said that Jessica could probably win because she just about logs the show like Jason does. He said that it's not a treat for the fans to have her though because they have her every day on the show. The other guys who were in aren't on every day.
Howard played a clip where Jerry O'Connell talked about how he wanted to go to Amsterdam with Jason and the guys but he didn't think his wife would let him. After that Howard said they started talking about the fights that he's had with Rebecca and how she once punched him in the neck and knocked him on his ass. He played that clip next. Full details of yesterday's Wrap Up Show are here.
Howard played through some other clips of Jerry talking about the things he hates to do with Rebecca and how he gets out of doing them. Howard said that he said the most interesting thing about their fights was when he said that Rebecca punched him. He played that clip and talked to the guys about that a little bit.
Artie said that it sounds like Jerry didn't even lie to Rebecca if he went to that charity event. He said it sounds like she has something against him having fun and she's got to get past that. Howard asked Artie if he'd be able to stay with a woman if she punched him in the neck. Artie said that has happened to him. He wondered if Howard had ever had a woman get physical.
Howard said that he was out with a woman one time and talking to some people. He said that this woman smacked him right across the mouth as he was talking and it stunned him. He said that she blind sided him. She wasn't a date or anything, she was just a friend. He said that she felt she could get away with something like that and she was just demonstrating that to everyone there.
Howard said that he would never hit a woman and he thinks that she was just showing they could clown around. He said that he asked her to come over and talk to him in private. He asked her what she had just done to him, as he was still stunned, and she said she was just clowning around. Howard said that's not clowning around in his book and if she wasn't a woman, he would have knocked her out. He told her that if she ever did it again, he'd punch her in the face so hard her nose would be in the back of her head. She told him that she was just joking around but Howard said he could never forgive her for that. He said he was out of his mind insane after that. Howard told the guys that if he got punched like Jerry did, that would be it for him. He'd be done.
Artie said that he's had women get physical with him but he can't hit them back so he just has to stand there and take it. He said that he got Dana mad at him one time and she hit him in public. He said that he can't do anything about it though so he just had to take it. He said that you even have to be careful just trying to stop them from hitting you so you don't hurt them. Artie said that Dana can pack a punch. He said that she's like Dice Clay sometimes.
Artie said that a guy called the show and told the story about Dana getting cigarettes for him one time when they were on their way home. He said that he doesn't know how Howard knew that woman but he thinks that he might not tolerate it if she wasn't a really close friend. Howard said that she was a very close friend.
Artie said that Dana wanted to walk home from the South Bronx that night that he was talking about. He said that she refused to get in the car and it was 2 in the morning. She was telling people he was trying to kidnap her so he had to get out and grab her to put her in the car. He said that he was afraid that someone was going to defend her and take him out but no one did. He said that it's a good thing that men aren't men anymore. Artie said he's been in that position before and he knows what Howard must have felt that time he got hit.
A caller said that he had to give Jon Hein some props for asking some good questions on the Wrap Up Show. He said that he knows how to move the show along and does a great job with that. Howard said that show is a great extension for the show.
Gary said that he was hit by a woman one time and he thinks it might be the same woman that Howard is talking about. He said that he's never been hit by a woman before and it really hurt. Robin said that she has hit guys but she always warns them before she does. She said that she'll tell them that she's going to hit them and then she'll do it. Howard told Robin that if she knew she was going to get hit back, she probably wouldn't hit the guy.
Howard took a call from Wolfe who said he had called under another premise about talking about Howard TV. Howard hung up on him because he was taking too long to get to his point. Howard told him that this is a dumb radio show and he just wants him to get to his point instead of giving him the history of his call.
Robin and Howard talked about the hitting thing some more and Howard said he doesn't think he could be with a woman who hit him. Robin said she couldn't be with a man she'd want to hit.
Howard said that he has an attachment to the audience so even taking Fridays off was tough for him. Howard said that there's no way he wants to keep up this current schedule the way it is now. He said that he has spoken to the guys about that
The caller suggested that maybe he could retire for 6 months and then come back and do afternoons or something. Howard said that he was actually talking about doing that and taking off 6 months. He said that Fran Shea from E! TV once told him that he should take off 6 months and come back to work later. He said he couldn't do that because he'd lose his job and his fans.
Artie said he thought that Howard was going to take a few months off between K-Rock and SIRIUS but that never happened. Howard said he was convinced to come right back on to keep the excitement up.
Artie talked about the time he had to look at the Norm sitcom he was doing and how great that show was to work on. He said he didn't really liked the canned laughter on the show but the work schedule was great. He mentioned that he'd be able to listen to the show for a while on his way into work. Then he'd sit through the commercials that lasted forever.
Howard talked about how they really had too many commercials on the stations back on terrestrial radio. He said that he wouldn't break on time and they'd have to play all of the commercials in one block. That could last as long as 20 minutes or more.
Artie said that SIRIUS is a great place to work but the schedule really is horrible. Howard talked about how George W seems to be living the life because he waited until he was like 40 to really start working and he still just takes it easy doing everything.
Howard took a call from a guy who wanted to guess who the woman was that hit him. Howard told him that he'd tell him if he was right. The guy guessed it was Judith Regan. He was wrong. Fred took a guess that it was Mary McCormack but he was wrong too.
Howard said that he thinks that Mary should get nominated for a Tony award for the part she plays in that play ''Boeing-Boeing.'' He said that Beth told him that she got a nomination but he didn't see it listed in the paper. The guys told him that she might have something like ''Best Supporting Actress'' or something.
Howard said that Judith Regan would never punch him. Fred found the Tony Award nomination mention and read the people Mary is up against. Laurie Metcalf is in that list. That led to Artie talking about how great she was as his mother in Beer League.
Artie said that he's addicted to this texting stuff these days. He doesn't e-mail but he does text a lot. He said that a hot chick got him into that texting.
Artie said that Jerry once came up to him when he was out in L.A. when Jerry was doing that show ''Sliders.'' He said that he was a really nice guy and had a nice discussion with him.
Howard said he'd like to know if John Stamos ever got punched. He said all of that sounded pretty crazy to him. He said that Beth doesn't force him to do a lot of stuff with her and her friends so she's pretty sensible about that.
Howard said that they need to get Jerry back in there to talk about this stuff again. He said that he gets that Jerry wants to play video games because he plays chess himself. He said that he doesn't have to get up early to play like Jerry does though.
Howard said he had some more Wrap Up Show clips to play. He had a caller on the line who was asking if Howard would appear on Jay Leno's show as the first guest if he jumps ship and moves to another network. Howard said that he will never do Jay's show again. He said that he's a big fake and Jay would have to apologize and admit that he's a big phony and a fake before he'd do his show. He said he will do Conan O'Brien's first show no problem.
The caller said that Howard could go on and be a big asshole to him. Howard said that would only help him. He told the caller he was making him mental. He was going to hang up on him but the guy asked if he was going to go see Van Halen when they're in New York later this month. Howard said that he's not going to see them. Artie said that he might go.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that the Bowling Beauties show is one of the best yet. He said that you actually have interest in the game when you watch it. That led to Howard talking about the show for a few minutes.
Howard came back and had William Shatner come in. Howard was talking about the huge career he's had as he was coming in. William said that Howard never changes and the new studio is a great set up very similar to the old one.
Howard talked about what an icon Shatner is. He talked about his new book, ''Up Till Now: The Autobiography,'' and how he admits that he didn't watch himself in the old Star Trek series because he thought he was a shitty actor. William said he never said he was a shitty actor but he didn't like his looks so he never watched that stuff.
Howard said that William has written a new book but he admitted to some other stuff in his past audio books. He played some of the clips that the guys edited to make him say some other stuff. William got a laugh out of that stuff. He even played along and threw in some jokes of his own after hearing some clips. In one clip they had him saying that he had butt fucked a young black child one time. William said that kid turned out to be Barack Obama.
Howard played some clips where his voice didn't match up at all so William started talking like that a little bit. That led to Howard talking about the audio clip they have of William doing a read for a commercial and the guy gets on the box and tells him to be more up tempo. Howard described the clip to William and told him what had gone on during that recording session. He recited most of what was said that day and how he knows how he must feel when he has someone telling him how to do his job.
William said that those guys must have some ego to tell him to do it the way they think they're supposed to. He said that it turns into entertainment that people put out there for others to hear. Howard said that he heard William do the first read and it sounded fine to him. William said that there's the one out there with the ''Sabotage'' word in it and he didn't think he was wrong. Howard said that he was though because the way he said it wasn't the right word. Howard and Robin talked to him about that and how difficult he was being in that session.
Howard asked William if he wanted to hear the clip where the guy corrects him and then William does his read as the guy instructed him to. William said he would so Howard played the clip. Everyone got a laugh out of it as they were listening.
After the clip Howard said that he bets that no one had a complaint after that recording session. William said that he went too far and got too cruel in that clip. He said that he didn't recall that session at all either. He said that he seems to be having fun at first but then he gets mean. He said he was lashing out at the guy and that was bad behavior. Howard said that William was actually good in the clip and he shouldn't have had to re-record that take.
Howard said that in William's new book he talks about how he was surprised that so many of the Star Trek cast disliked him. Howard said that he says that Leonard Nimoy thought he was a son of a bitch back then when they were working on the show. William said that's not exactly what he says. Howard said he also talks about how Leonard is an alcoholic. William said that's not a big revelation, he just talks about something that's known.
Howard talked about some of the other stuff in William's book and went through a bunch of that with him. William said that there were a lot of people on the Star Trek cast who really didn't like him much.
Howard took a call from a guy who brought up George Takei and how he's shown some dislike for William. He wondered if he had some pent up gay feelings for William. William said that he's not sure about that but it's possible. William claims that he's had men come on to him over the years so that's possible.
Howard gave William a plug for his book since he hadn't mentioned the name of it yet. The book is called ''Up Till Now: The Autobiography.''
Howard played some audio clips of George Takei talking about William but they were the edited clips from an audio book. William played along with those again. Howard threw in some of the edited Shatner clips as well. One of them went on for about a minute. Shatner was laughing hysterically for a few seconds after hearing that one. Shatner said that they have a lot to digest there.
Howard and William plugged the book some more and William did it in that choppy voice from the edited audio clips. William was also talking about the new Star Trek movie and how he would have loved to have worked with JJ Abrams on the movie but he's just very busy.
Howard said that William's book title makes it seem that he might come out with another one some time. Howard played some more of the edited audio book clips and William told him that he and his people are totally insane.
Howard brought up some of the stories that William told about his job with Priceline.com and how he was supposed to make about $10 million from the deal but he had to hold on to his stock and it ended up dropping down quite a bit.
Howard said that William lived in a truck for a while. He also read that he had hip replacement surgery and had heart problems as well. William said that he did have the hip replacement but he doesn't have a heart problem. He said that he's very healthy.
Howard said he had something disturbing about William. He read that he rides a motorcycle without a helmet or any protective gear. He asked him if he has a death wish or something. William said that he rides for the freedom and he does know about the deaths that happen on motorcycles but that's not going to stop him. He said that he's forced to wear a helmet because of Gary Busey. He said that he crashed one time while wearing a t-shirt, shorts and sandals. He said that he has scars on his back and rear end from that crash.
Howard said that William had his balls grabbed by a gorilla one time. William said that it was actually very gentle but very intimidating. He said that it was a female gorilla that grabbed him and the male that was locked in a cage nearby was freaking out in jealousy.
Howard said that he read that William goes out wearing a William Shatner mask on Halloween with his grand kids. William said that is true and he likes to see the look on people's faces when he takes the mask off. Howard said that the Michael Myers mask in the Halloween movies is a William Shatner mask turned inside out. William said he didn't know that.
Howard said that William is going to be signing books at the Barnes and Nobel in Union Square this afternoon. Shatner asks that people not bring Star Trek memorabilia to the event because he's only going to sign the new book.
Howard said that William talks about his experiences in the Homo Room with him in his new book. Howard said that he wanted to know what he was thinking aback then and now he knows. He said he also read that William was afraid that he was going to get a hard on with Angie Dickinson when he worked with her. Howard said that he was like that in his movie shoot and he was hard for about 90 percent of the movie. He said he didn't care that there were people around him.
William said that he had that problem a lot when he was working. He said that he was completely nude in the scene so that's why he was so worried about it. William said that he's never had full penetration on a movie set before. William said he didn't end up getting an erection with Angie. He said that he didn't get her off the set either but he would have liked to.
Howard said that William plugs his web site in the middle of his stories in the book. William said that the book was done in great fun and that's why he did that.
Howard said that he was surprised to see that William wrote about the death of his wife. William said that he wanted to tell his kids what he was doing so that's why he wrote the book. He said it was like a legacy to him.
Howard said that William wrote about how he was under suspicion after his wife died in their pool. Howard said that he was one of those people who thought he may have been responsible. William said that it was a tragic moment to write about and it was tough to get through it. He said he wrote it with tears in his eyes.
William talked about how he was let off the hook after about an hour. He said the police cleared it as an accident after that time. He said that he later realized that he turned away from the pool in horror and that's why he didn't jump in. He said he knew that she was dead because the pool was still. He said that he wanted to get help before he jumped in at the time. William said that the moment you see it you freeze up and realize you're seeing death.
Howard said that his dog fell in the pool one time and he started to take his shoes off. He should have just jumped in. He never did jump in at all, Beth went in after the dog. William said that you realize that you don't know what to do in an emergency. He said that he heard the 911 playback and he sounds like he was disembodied at the time.
Shatner talked about how much he loved that woman and how they had known each other for about 7 years. He said that he has a coy pond and now that he has that he can't go fishing anymore. He said that he has learned some lessons from all of this and everything that happens in your life reverberates in the rest of your life. He said that all of these decisions make up the tapestry of your life.
William said that he worshiped his wife and he loved her very much. He's married again now and he loves this one as well. Howard and Robin asked him if he's learned from the past experiences to make this marriage work. William said that he thinks that he's devoting himself to her as well.
Howard asked William about how sex is with his wife. William said that they're still just as experimental as ever and having a lot of fun. He said that he has learned a lot over the years. Howard asked him if he's ever had two women at the same time. William said he did when he was younger and it was the greatest. He said that the level of passion increases over the years and he doesn't need any drugs to help him out.
Howard took some calls for William. Bong Hit Eric asked William what his biggest regret was with the women he's had. William said that he has learned that incidental sex isn't all it's made out to be. He doesn't regret any of the sex he's had but he also doesn't remember any of the famous women he's had.
Howard asked William if he ever had Heather Locklear. William said that he never did, she was only 19 at the time he was working with her. He said that he never even thought about her when he masturbated.
A caller told a story about seeing his father's car crashed on the side of the road and he was in such shock that he just kept driving about 50 miles with tears in his eyes. He said that he still feels guilty 23 years later. He said that he knew that his father had died in there and he didn't want to face it. Artie thought that story was crazy.
Artie asked William if he would feel worse if one of his coy or George Takei died. William said that they both make the same sucking sounds. He said that he just wants to move on with his life. He said that he thinks that George has a level of hatred for him that is over the top.
Howard gave William some plugs for his book and wrapped up with him. He said that they had been talking for over an hour. William said that he had a good time in there today. Howard told him to think about how many blow jobs he's had so they can talk about that next time he's in. They went to break a short time later. Fred played his ''Mr. Tambourine Man'' song and the ''Sabotage'' recording session as they were going to break.
Howard had Jon Favreau on the phone to talk about Iron Man. He gave him a standing ovation for the job he did on the movie. He said that he did it in a serious manner and he really liked the way it worked out. He said that he thinks that giving Robert Downey Jr. was great. Jon said that at the time he brought him up for the part there was a lot of nervousness about it.
Howard asked what the budget was for the film. Jon said that it was probably about $140 million. Howard figured it was probably more like 190 but Jon said he wouldn't lie to him about that. Howard said that he knew that Speed Racer was going to tank and he was right. He said that no one cares about that old cartoon.
Howard said that he was reading about Jon and how he's married to a doctor and has 3 kids. He figured he was miserable but then he saw a picture of his wife. He said that she's hot. Jon said that he met her out shortly after he did Swingers. He said that he thinks that she gets hit on quite a bit but he didn't want to say anything out of line.
Jon said he thought that Artie had said something about them having a falling out or something. Artie said that he never said that. He said that they do joke around a lot on the show so maybe that's what he's talking about. Artie said that he thanked Jon and Will Ferrall for putting him in ''Elf'' because he still gets some great residuals from doing that.
Howard said that Jon put a lot of pressure on himself by hiring Robert Downey Jr. for that Iron Man movie. Jon said that you need a star when you make big budget movies but not with the super hero movies. He said that they just don't want you to fuck them up.
Howard said that Marvel put up the money for this project and kept control over it. Jon said that they wanted to make the money this time because they usually sell off the rights to that stuff and don't get that big money when the movie is a hit.
Jon said that he went up to Beth and asked if Howard had seen the movie yet and she assured him that he would love it. Howard asked how long it took to make the movie. Jon said it was two years. He said that he doesn't have a deal to make the sequel yet. Howard told him that he should keep making iron man and make the next 5. Jon said that he said he'd like to do the next one but they've been busy with the Hulk movie and stuff like that.
Howard heard that they bought Jon a car. Jon said that's true. He said that the Hulk is coming out in about 4 weeks.
Jon said that everyone in the Iron Man cast wants to do the sequel. He said that they haven't offered him a deal yet. Howard asked Jon what he got for the first one. Jon said that he got $4 million. He said he has a percentage of ''Elf'' and they're claiming that it isn't making a profit yet. He said that the movie only cost $32 million to make and it made $170 million and they say it's not profitable. Howard said that he should ditch his representation if they're not getting him paid for stuff like that.
Howard said that Jon should be getting the same kind of deal that Sam Raimi is getting. Jon said that they have approached him to do the sequel but they haven't made an offer yet. Howard asked him what he would like. Jon said half the profits would be fair. Jon said that the comps are what count to him. He said that this is all a new world to him. He said that 1 percent of the gross would be great. He said that the movie is still going and it's going to make some big money.
Howard talked about some of the cool stuff in the movie and how great the costume looked and stuff like that. Jon said that ILM had just done Transformers the year before and they used a lot of that technology to make the metal suit look very real.
Robin said that they had to know this was going to be a hit and they should be giving Jon another deal to do the second movie. Howard said that he thinks that Jon should be getting a good percentage of the gross and $8 million as a salary.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he thinks that this Iron Man is the best adaptation of a comic book character. Jon thanked him for that.
Ralph called in and said that he loved the movie and congratulated him on that. He said that the movie was completely believable and you even believe that he made that suit.
Howard said that there was a flaw in the movie. He said that there was no way that the Jeff Bridges character could have made a bigger and better suit than Robert Downey's character did. Jon said that they recovered the other suit and reverse engineered it so that's why it was made so quickly. He said that the learning curve was a little out of line so he gets that and took the blame for that.
Howard said that maybe they should have sent him the script first. Jon said that he wouldn't have even taken his call.
Ralph had a list of his favorite super hero movies and everyone was arguing with him about the list. Here's what he gave as his top 10:
Howard congratulated Jon on the movie again and said that he hopes that Downey Jr. appreciates him putting him in the movie. Jon said that Downy is getting a lot of offers now. He's signed on for the second and third one already. Jon said that he will get paid more for the second one even though he is already locked in to doing it. Howard said he didn't understand that and how it could work that way. The guys talked about how they want their stars to feel good so they'll renegotiate the deals to keep them happy.
Howard asked if they think that Downy could relapse. Jon said that it must be the hardest thing in the world to go through with that stuff. He said that he's taking it seriously and staying away from all of that stuff now. Artie said he'd worry about that too but he thinks that Downy has a teenage son and he's got a lot more to deal with now.
Jon said that he didn't know Downey very well before he went into it with him but everyone he spoke with thought he was the right guy for the job.
Howard asked Jon if he's good friends with Vince Vaughn. Jon said he is and talked a little bit about his relationship with Jennifer Aniston. He said they really didn't talk about that kind of stuff though.
Ralph asked Jon if he gets to keep anything from Iron Man. Jon said that he does have a mask there and he dos have some other stuff. Ralph wanted the whole suit. Jon said he wasn't sure if he should send him anything or send it to Howard. Howard wrapped up with Jon a short time later and let him go.
Howard played a voice mail message that Riley left for Gary. In the message Riley sounds like he had some ''food poisoning'' and slurred through his comments about his contract and how he really would like to have the rights to his show. He went on to say that Tim Sabean is going to lose something he loves soon because he is not a good person.
Howard played a prank call the guys made to a guy using Riley Martin audio clips. They had Riley yelling at the guy and calling him names. Artie was laughing quite a bit during that call. He said that it reminded him of another call that they played yesterday where the guy was talking to the wrestlers and broke down crying. Howard played that clip too. Howard said he'd love to see a visual on that one.
Howard played through a bunch of that argument and talked about how Scott once freaked out after they didn't hire someone there that he wanted them to hire.
Howard said that Scott is really bad at arguing too. Scott came in so Howard talked to him about that stuff. Scott said that things go a little further than Howard thinks they do. Artie said he thinks that Scott has a really good complaint about not getting an iPod for Christmas. He said that he was the only one there who didn't get one.
Howard played a clip of Scott and Tim talking about Scott's studio and how that has been a ''pig fuck'' since the beginning. After playing that Howard said that Scott is really a pain in the ass. He's always got something going on. He said that even Mel hates him. Scott said he doesn't think he hates him.
Scott said that he was walking down the hall one day when Tom Chiusano was there visiting. He said that Mel stopped him and said ''This is Tom. This is the guy who fucked you!''
Howard said that Scott is nuts and he asked for a million bucks when they started there at SIRIUS. Scott claims that he was just kidding and knew he wasn't going to get that kind of money. Howard said he thinks he was serious about that. He had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and had Tabitha Stevens (TabithaStevens.com) come in. He said that she's addicted to coming on the show and she'll call Gary crying about not being let on. She said that is true. Howard said he heard that she's gotten very aggravated when she's not allowed to come in. Tabitha said she misses them when she leaves there because she gets such a high from being on. Howard said Gary told him that she's very high maintenance. Tabitha said she doesn't think she is though.
Howard said they came up with a list of things for Gary to ask Tabitha to do on the show. He said they came up with a list of very outrageous things and asked her what she would be willing to do. They created a game out of the whole thing. He said he was going to get right into it. Then he got sidetracked and talked to Tabitha about the plastic surgery that she's had. She said she had to remove a chin implant and a nose implant and an implant from under her nose removed. She said that she realized that she looked kind of like a freaky alien.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's enjoyed Tabitha over the years and liked the Howard TV Cribs show they did about her. Howard said that they have a lot of cool shows like that on Howard TV. He mentioned the Bowling Beauties show and also the Richard Christy drumming special they have on there now. They spent a couple of minutes talking about the specials and then moved on to the game.
Howard said he hasn't heard any of this yet so he's playing along too. The first clip was Gary calling Tabitha about the list and telling her that they need something to do with her. They had some ideas submitted and he was going to run them by her.
Howard said that Tabitha is very hard core and even had sex with Jeff the Drunk off one time. She said that she didn't have sex with him but she did finish him off. That led to Artie doing his Jeff impression and yelled at Tabitha for not lubing him up the right way.
Here are the questions that Gary asked Tabitha on the phone and Tabitha's answers:
Artie said that he's single now and he asked her if he could fuck her now. Tabitha said that he probably could but he always seems to be annoyed by her. Howard had her stand up and show off her body for Artie. She did that but didn't want to show her ass. Howard said it was great though.
Artie said he had this revelation when she said that she would fuck a dead guy. Tabitha is married so her husband would have to be okay with it. She said that she would blow Artie no problem and a blow job is just a blow job and not that big of a deal. She said that she gives a great blow job and uses her hand on the guy's balls and ass.
Howard asked Tabitha what it was like hanging out with Robin and Jim Florentine for 3 hours recently. Tabitha said that she thinks that they had a glow about them when she saw them. She said that she didn't see them getting very physical out in public though. She said that she figures they keep that for the privacy of their homes.
Artie asked Tabitha if he could get a blow job about an hour after the show today. He said he'd feed her if she was hungry.
Howard said that he heard that Tabitha has been on some escort service web sites but she said that wasn't true. Artie was laughing through all of that and goofing around with her about the blow job thing. He sounded like he was serious about getting one from her though. He said that she should be ready to be very disappointed in everything about him.
Artie said that he would probably finish really quick with her. He said that she could probably even eat while he's banging her. He wondered if he was being annoying with this stuff. Tabitha said that she just has to call and ask her husband if she can do it. She said it was a good possibility that she could fuck Artie today.
Howard asked if it was true that she was charging $1850 to escort people. Tabitha said that is not true. JD came in and said that there's a web site that has a whole bunch of porn stars on there and Tabitha is one of them. Tabitha said she doesn't do it.
Bob Levy called in and told Artie that Tabitha gives a great blow job and spits on and uses her hand. He said that he lasted about 5 minutes with her but he was on blow at the time. Artie said he didn't need to hear that right then.
Isaac from Howard TV came in with a penis lollipop for Tabitha to demonstrate on. She wanted Artie to put it between his legs and do it but he didn't want to. He said he wanted to see her suck on the lollipop though. She did start to suck the lollipop and Artie sounded impressed. He said that he changed his mind and just wanted to titty fuck her.
Howard got back to the game and played some more of the questions. Here they are:
Gary cut some of his nails and Artie said that might be the grossest thing they had ever done in there. Tabitha wasn't that grossed out and she was actually going to eat the cupcake. Gary set it up for her and told her to tongue the chips and toe nail clippings. Artie said he wasn't going to fuck her if she did that. She went right into it and did it. Tabitha said it wasn't that bad.
Howard was close to throwing up when he saw that. He asked her if she tasted it. She said that it was kind of chewy. Artie said that he can't get that out of his head and he can't get it out of his head that she banged that guy who ate dog shit to get her to fuck him.
Howard told Gary that he had bad breath yesterday so he was avoiding him. Gary said that he just had a bad day yesterday. Ralph called in and asked Artie if he was going to touch her now. Artie said that it does give him pause and he's not sure. Artie said that she is hot.
Howard got back to the questions after that. Here are the final couple of questions and answers:
Howard read a letter they got from John the Stutterer about how much of a fan he is. He came into the studio naked a few seconds later. Howard said that John has an odd looking penis. Tabitha asked if she could grab his sack. John said that was fine so she went right over and did it. John said that he has no success with good looking women. Robin asked if he has any luck with ugly women. John said he has no luck with any women but he could have some with not so good looking women.
John offered to show his ass to Tabitha and she said she wanted to see it so he bent over and showed it. He had a small hemorrhoid so the guys all saw that. John said that he has an obsessive compulsive disorder so he just keeps wiping more and more. The Howard TV guys replayed him bending over. Howard said that was disgusting.
Tabitha said that she would do John for a web site thing if he wanted. John said he was fine with that because he did have a bit of a porn career for a short time.
Howard heard that John had once tried to suck his own penis. John said that he actually hurt his neck doing that. Howard asked him to demonstrate for them now but John said he didn't want to do that. Tabitha said that she wouldn't make fun of him if he tried. John said that he didn't want to and refused over and over.
Gary said that they're going to throw out the headphones that he was wearing because the cord kept wrapping around his penis. John told him to just spray it with disinfectant. John has a show on Howard 101 that airs once a month or so at 7pm on Monday nights. Howard went to break a short time later.
Steve came in and said that WBCN is promoting the fact that they're going to have an interview with Howard for their 40th anniversary. Howard said that he did an interview with them because that was such a big deal for him at the time. He said that the station was a huge deal to him. He said that they called him up and asked him to be part of the special and he agreed to do it. He said he recorded his answers to their questions and gave them an interview. Howard said that he knows that he's very, very important and he has very little time.
Howard said that they were on at night on WBCN for a while and then they later put him on in the mornings up there. He said he's honored to have been part of that station's history.
Howard said that when he thinks about his career and how great it was, he gets angry about this radio hall of fame bullshit because he should just get an award and not have to be put up against these other hacks who are out there. Howard said he doesn't want their sucky award because nothing would sum up his career compared to people like Dr. Laura Schlesinger or Tom Joyner.
Howard said that there is no question as to who the greatest radio performer of all time was. That's him. He said that there won't even be anyone as good as him in the future because he is so unique.
Steve said that he has an update about Artie's search for an assistant. Artie said that he will not attack his next assistant because he has hired Chuck Zito.
Artie said that he has rehired Teddy to be a stage manager on the road. The assistant stuff isn't going to be Teddy's responsibility. Artie said that Teddy actually does a great job at those gigs on the road. He said that he and Teddy are fine now and he doesn't want to beat him up or anything like that.
Steve said they spoke to a man by the name of Caesar who claims to be the guy who helped get him into a private cell in the L.A. County Jail. Artie said that he spoke to the guy on the phone yesterday and the guy remembered the story the same way he did. He said that he thinks that it could have been the same guy. He said the guy is a trucker in L.A. now.
Steve said they have a story about Benjy and Paris Hilton. Producers have told him he will not be part of the show even though he got the most votes on her web site. Howard said that just proves that they're all liars and they just do that kind of stuff to drive traffic to their web sites.
Steve said that Big Foot is living in a tent now and he thinks of Artie when he's shitting. They'll have more on that throughout the day.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He ran down the list of stuff that they'd be trying to cover today on the show.
Howard had Steve the Intern come in with his Intern Show update. Steve said they'll have office manager Tracy Millman in to talk about the latest bunch of interns who are leaving soon. Artie did his impression of Tracy yelling at Steve Grillo for a few seconds. He said that she really gave it to him that day. Howard was doing his Grillo impression while Artie was doing that. They played the audio clip from that argument too. Everyone seemed to be enjoying hearing that clip. Howard also played a prank call that the guys made to a woman using some Steve Grillo clips.
Robin read a story about James Garner suffering from a stroke. Howard let out an ''Aww'' when he heard that. Fred played a Jackie laugh. Howard said it might be time to start boxing that guy now. He said that might be a no-win right there.
Robin read a story about a woman who was kicked out of a bathroom for looking too manly. She sued and they settled with her. Howard said that he's seen these chicks that dress up like men and they do look like guys. He said that these restaurants don't know that they're actually women if they dress in a suit like a man.
Robin read a story about a woman who fell off a cruise ship and died. She had a story about Oprah Winfrey's Big Give show being canceled. They spent a short time talking about that.
Artie wondered how long the chick was alive after falling off the ship. Robin said that you don't know if she was dead before she fell. Howard told her she's got to be careful saying that. Robin said she was just alleging that she was dead before then. She said that she was just supposing and wasn't even alleging anything.
Robin read a story about Drew Barrymore being involved in a hit and run accident. She chased down the person who hit her and confronted them. She had some clips of a police officer talking about how they don't usually advise people to do things like that.
Robin read a story about American Idol and how they still have high ratings and she's not sure why people think that they're losing ratings. Howard said that they have had a drop off. They spent a short time on that and played some clips of the performances from last night's show.
Robin read a story about Remy Ma trying to get out of a long sentence after being involved in a shooting. She ended up getting sentenced to 8 years in prison. Robin read a story about news reporter Sue Simmons getting into some hot water over her cursing on the air recently. Howard played that clip where she asks someone ''What the fuck are you doing?'' as they were ending a news preview.
Robin read some news about Barbara Walters and some of the claims she's been making lately about who she's been with sexually. That led to Fred playing some old lady porn clips that make Artie laugh every time.
Robin had some clips of Hillary Clinton talking about how she's not going to step down. She had some Barack Obama clips as well.
Robin had some news about the price of gasoline and how it could be up to $5 a gallon by this summer. Howard said that this country produces more oil than any other country but we also consume the most so that's why the prices are rising so much.
Howard said that his hair stylist Toni brought her baby over when he was cutting his hair and Beth's mother was there asking if Beth looked good holding a baby. Howard said she did not and she looked silly doing it. Howard said that Beth walked in a minute later with the screaming baby and that was like music to his ears. He said that Beth came running in to get some help with the baby.
Robin finished up her news a short time later. They ended the show around 10:35am.
Jon went through the list of stuff they were going to try and cover today. He started the guys off talking about the William Shatner interview. Jon asked if he gets some respect that other people may not get. Gary said that he does call him ''Mr. Shatner'' when he's there and he thinks that he appreciates that.
Gary talked about how he refused to do their show for years and years an then finally they talked him into doing it and he liked it. He was really against being a guest on the show for so many years though. He said he doesn't think that he knows what the show is about to this day. Gary said that Shatner did write about the Homo Room thing in his book and he didn't like it.
Gary said that Shatner talked to Richard about the cutting up of his audio book stuff after the interview. Gary said that Shatner seemed to enjoy those edited clips. Jon played a clip from the show where Howard played one of those clips and then Shatner starts talking like the clip sounded.
Gary said that those clips are a little awkward but that's almost the way Shatner sounds when he acts. Jon asked Gary if he believed that Shatner thought he was being a little harsh with that engineer in the audio clip that Howard played. Gary said that he did make his point right away and he didn't need to drag it on the way he did.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that they could be keeping some people from being on the show by goofing on them. They used to goof on Shatner's toupee. Another caller said that he thinks that everyone should show up to Shatner's book signing dressed as Captain Kirk. He also asked if Artie is going to lose weight now that he has a woman who is willing to fuck him. The guys weren't sure about that. Jon wanted to hold off on the Tabitha discussion for a little while too.
A caller said that he thought that the Shatner interview was the ''boringest'' thing he's ever heard. He said he was going to change the channel. Gary said that they can't please everyone all of the time. The guy said he thinks that Howard treats him with kid gloves a little bit. He said he thinks that he should have gotten into the wife story more than he did. Gary said that they covered the whole story, he's not sure what they left out. The caller thought it was lame but maybe it was just him.
A caller said that Howard had cut him off earlier and he wasn't able to ask the question he wanted to. He said he wanted to ask Shatner if he would fuck George Takei in the ass to get over his problems with him. He said he didn't just want to blurt that out though.
Jon talked about Wolfe calling in earlier and getting hung up on too. Jon asked Gary to give people some advice on that kind of call. Gary said that you have to get to your point as fast as possible and not explain what you're doing on the phone. Gary said that it's best to just get to the point.
A caller asked Benjy about the Paris Hilton thing and why he's not going to do anything about it. Benjy said that they set up the rules so they don't really have to stick by them. He said that he was contacted by them and they said they'd be in contact with him. Benjy said that he asked Howard if he could take a month off to do the show if they asked him to and Howard said no. He said that he's not sure he could have gotten the part even if he was allowed to take that time off.
Jon took another call from a guy who brought up Shatner and his problems with George Takei. The guys spent a short time talking about that.
Gary asked when the last year of Star Trek was on the air because it's funny that Shatner and Takei still aren't friends. Jon said that they also did those movies together over the years.
Jon asked Gary how tough it was to make that call to Tabitha. Gary said it wasn't that hard and they have some more questions that he didn't get to that they'll play next week. Gary said that she really does get upset when they don't have her on when she wants to come in. He said that they've had her do a lot of stuff for the fans.
Kendra Jade used to be their go-to girl for the wacky sex stuff with the fans but she had to stop. Now Tabitha is that go-to girl.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked why Howard doesn't want Benjy to go on that Paris Hilton show. Gary said that Howard has a feeling for the way the show should be done and he doesn't want people leaving to go to other shows because it dilutes the product.
Another caller brought up Artie's strange behavior with Tabitha. The guy was saying that he would be paying attention to Tabitha and not playing with his iPod and stuff instead. Gary said that Artie might know too much about her life and that may be why he wasn't looking at her. They talked about Bob Levy's call where he talked about getting a blow job from Tabitha and some of the other people she's been with.
The caller said that he thinks that Artie isn't the same guy he used to be. The guy said that he can't relate to him anymore the way he acts like he's owed all of this stuff. The guy was basically calling him a prima donna. Gary told him that Artie had just walked in.
Gary told Artie what the guy was saying and let Artie respond to it. Artie said that he's not sure how he was different before. The caller said he couldn't even put that into words but Gary had kind of said it right when he called hi ma prima donna.
Artie said that he wasn't aware that he was acting like a king but he does have a body that needs to be cooled to a certain temperature and raised him up to this level he's at and it no longer includes shitheads like this caller. Artie said he'd try to think about that and come back when they return and try to change.
Gary asked Artie about the way he was able to get back on the show. Artie said he wasn't sure what he could say about that but it wasn't that easy to get back on. He said that he had to do something that was out of character for him and it involved the people in upper management and he thinks that they may be kind of embarrassed that they actually let him come back. He wasn't joking around about that either. He said that he thinks that they took advantage of him because they knew he wanted to come back.
Artie said that he was just kidding and nothing actually happened there. He said he just talked to Howard about it and Howard told him not to attack Teddy anymore and things would be fine.
Artie said that he finds it amazing that no one there really hates anyone else. Gary and Jon pointed out a couple of people who hate other co-workers like JD and Jared and Jason and Scott DePace. Artie said that he used to be a Longshoreman and he knew guys who hated each other for real.
Gary said that it was interesting that Teddy was back in Artie's organization. Teddy told them that he's not back in yet, he's still in discussions with Artie about it. He said he's not just jumping back in with two feet like Jon thought he was.
Artie said that there was a time when Howard wasn't going to give him the 3 weeks off to shoot Beer League and he was mad at him. He said that he resented Howard at that time but it was the only time in that 7 years that he's been there that he felt that way. He said he was on heroin at the time too so that didn't help. Artie said that they had one foot out the door from K-Rock at the time and he figured that he could just get out. He said he's writing about that for his upcoming book.
Artie said that the heroin thing was a problem back then and he couldn't picture doing the radio show and the movie shoot both in the same day. He said that he only thought that because he wondered how he was going to do the heroin.
Artie said that he wasn't being honest with Howard or anyone back then. He said that he was on the heroin and he had to make sure that he could keep his supply coming in. He said that he could only do one task at a time and he just didn't think he could do the movie and the radio show at the same time. He said he didn't figure everything out until he got on the Subutex and off the heroin. He said that working on the show is a great thing in his life.
Artie said that he had a contact for the heroin in Delaware. He said that he would get off the show on Monday and start his withdrawals. He'd drive to Wilmington, Delaware and wait for the guy to show up with his stuff. He said that he was right on the verge of breaking down and the guy would show up just in time. He said that the guy would blow him off once in a while and he'd have to go get some Vikoden and take 30-35 a day just to fight off the withdrawals.
Gary asked how often Artie had to go back after that one visit on Monday. Artie said that it depended on how much the guy could give him that day. He said that it would usually last 3 days. He said that the trip was like 4.5 hours round trip. He said that he would just stay high the whole night and then go to work.
Artie said there were days when he would just sleep through a whole day and into the next morning. He said he'd wake up in hell sometimes. He said that he was taking all kinds of stuff like 15 Percocet at one time and they had no effect on him except to stop him from going through the withdrawals.
Artie said that he was on the road out in Dallas doing a gig at one point and he thought about shooting it up that one time because of all of this stuff he had to do down there. He said that he wanted to just do a skin pop thing but he decided not to do it. He said he was ''smart enough not to do it.''
Artie said that Howard was basically interrupting his drug use when he told him he couldn't take off the three weeks to do his movie. He said that he's never had a negative feeling toward Howard other than that one time for like 3 days. He said that he wasn't himself at that time on the show because of that.
Gary said he'd love to listen to that show and hear what he was like at that time. Artie said that they should play the Monday before the 4 days he missed back in 2005. He said that he had all kinds of good things going on back then and then all of this stuff happened.
Artie said that a week before all of that happened, Mitch Hedberg was in. He said he heard some stories from Dave Attell about Hedberg's drug use. He said that Dave told him about the stuff he was doing and how he'd show up with blood on his arm from just shooting up and stuff like that.
Artie said that this was just 2 weeks before Hedberg died too. He said that he knew what was wrong with Mitch and he figured that he probably knew about what was up with him too. He said that it was really sad when he died too. Artie said that really depressed him and he started using even more after he heard that. He figured that was his destiny too so he just didn't care.
Artie said he reached out to this doctor who got him the Subutex and he lucked out with all of that. The guy was a big fan of the show and he knew what was going on with him. Artie said he got the Subutex stuff and he was fine 20 minutes later and back on the show that Monday. Artie said that if that hadn't happened, they were going to pull the plug on the movie. Artie said that he promised that he'd be in but he didn't know if he was actually going to make it. Artie said it was like an angel had come to him when that doctor called.
Gary asked how Artie hooked up with this guy in Delaware to get his drugs. Artie said that it was a connection he had who referred him to the guy. Artie said that all screwed things up with Dana because she thought that he was seeing someone else. She had no idea that he was on drugs.
Artie said that he lost Dana but kept his career. He said that he knew that he was going to lose something important in his life and he didn't know it was going to be Dana. He said that he lost someone who loved him and he loved.
Jon asked Artie if this book writing thing is therapeutic for him. Artie said that this whole show is therapeutic to him and he feels better after talking about that stuff there. He had never told the Delaware story on the air before.
Artie talked about some of the stuff that he was going through at the time he was getting off the heroin. He was working on Beer League just a short time after he started with the Subutex. Artie said that he thinks that he was on the heroin for about 4 months.
Artie talked about how he got started in his comedy career after getting out of the job at the docks. He said that they wanted to kill him when he said he wanted to get into comedy. He said he was making pretty good money back there too. He said that if he had stayed there he probably would have drank himself to death because he would have been so disappointed in himself for not trying something else.
Ralph called in and asked Artie what happened with his black eye. Artie said that he was being honest about that. He fell in his room and against a dresser. He said that he could have made up a sexier story than what actually happened if he wanted to lie about it. Artie said he thought he was late, got up, hit his shin on the bed, hit some dirty clothes and fell directly into the corner of his dresser. Ralph wanted him to reenact it for Howard TV. Artie said no to that so Gary said that maybe they'll animate it. Artie said that just shows how fat he is because he wasn't able to stop himself from falling.
Ralph said that Artie was driving a cab for a while and he would actually pull up to comedy clubs and do his act while someone watched his cab. Artie said that he was working from like 5pm to midnight and he'd tell his boss what he was going to do with the comedy gigs. He said that he'd have someone watch the car while he ran in and then he'd go back out and get in the cab and go pick someone up from Newark airport. He said he did that quite a bit. Jon had to go to break after that.
Tim Sabean came in and was talking off the mic about how much stuff they had just gotten out of Artie. Ralph was back on the phone and said that they were right about how it's much different when they're not in front of Howard who could cut them off at any moment. Benjy said that Howard is good but Jon is even better.
Gary said that he didn't even know he was going to be doing this show until he read an article in the paper about it. No one had really spoken to him about it. Jon said he didn't expect to get the opportunity to do the show either and he was amazed when it all happened.
Gary said that someone had come up with the idea for the Superfan Roundtable. Ralph interrupted and said that it was his idea. Gary said that he remembers getting the call from Howard about how great Jon did as the host of that first Superfan Roundtable. Jon said that he was in shock when he got the call from Howard about how excited he was. Gary said that was a glimpse into what Howard's channels could be.
Jon talked to Ralph about the super hero movie list he gave out during the show and how that got shot down. Ralph said that he thinks that the list is right and doesn't care that people didn't like it. Gary and Ralph argued about some of the movies that were on the list. Gary said that some of the movies just sucked but Ralph disagreed.
Jon let Ralph go and went to some other phone calls. A caller said that this was some of the best radio he's heard associated with Howard Stern. He was also talking about Jessica Hahn and how he thinks that she did something more than those guys who were on the show yesterday. Gary said that Jason wasn't there to see everything that happened with her. Jon said that Jason has posted an open letter on SternFanNetwork about his feelings about Jessica so you can read more on that there.
Jon had Jason come in to talk about the Jessica Hahn thing. He said that he must be wrong and she must be the biggest celebrity out there. Gary talked to Jason about that for a couple of minutes. Jason was still arguing that she wasn't a celebrity because no one remembers why she was in the news.
The guys were also talking about Monica Lewinsky being a celebrity but Jason was arguing that too. Jessica called in and said that she's just a fan of the show and she just doesn't care and doesn't give a fuck anymore. She said that she knows she's nobody and she has to take a break from the show. Jessica told Gary that she did some bad stuff and got famous for it. She said that she's really tired of this and she just wants to be left alone right now. She told Jason that he's the big man now and she has to get her life together. She said that she does leave her house and she'd really just done being judged. Gary told her to take a break for the weekend and they'd talk next week. They had to end the show a short time later.
Ralph started off the show, yes Ralph, talking about how they had some good news and some bad news. Howard is off today and he is going to be playing some clips from past shows. He said he's going to be playing a bunch of different stuff from over the years. He said that he has been there from the beginning listening to the show and he had a huge list of stuff to go through.
Ralph got right into it and said they were going to play something from a time when Howard was just getting into the big syndication time. He said they used to hang out after the show and bullshit and they came up with a phony phone call to Andy Bloom, the program director in Los Angeles at the time.
Howard asked Andy for a list of stuff that he wanted from him out there in his hotel. He asked for some turkey, salads with vinaigrette dressing, Poland spring water, mayo and mustard, bars of Dove soap, 6 boxes of Kleenex, linen napkins, candy for Fred and Jackie, bath mats, beer for Jackie and Fred, a Stairmaster 3000 with Intellex, high energy protein drink, a special room for the Stairmaster, special sheets, Schiff vitamin C, B vitamins, food with no salt, sugar or preservatives, fresh pastas, a Moulinex juice extractor, non-allergic pillows and the list went on and on. Andy was willing to do anything for Howard as any program director would be.
Andy finally figured out that he was being goofed on. Howard had to clue him in on the joke though. Howard then read through some faxes that he got about the call.
After that Ralph talked about how much he loved that bit. He said that Andy was so happy to have Howard there that he was willing to do anything for him. Ralph thought Howard was great in that clip.
Ralph played another clip after that one where Howard went through some more bits that they had created. In this one Howard played a bit called ''Happy Employees'' where they play clips of Howard yelling at his employees there at the station.
Ralph said that bit was from 1992 and he thought that it was just as good as it was back then. He said that he really liked that old angry Howard and how he'd melt down with people.
In another clip they had more people calling in with jokes for Jackie to try and finish. Mrs. Flemstein called in during that segment as well.
Ralph talked about how great Fred was at doing the Mrs. Flemstein thing. He also liked Al Rosenberg doing his bad Mr. T impression. Those clips were from 1985 according to Ralph. He said that he and his friend used to do impressions of Mrs. Flemstein. He said that he had to take a break and asked people not to bail on the show if they hadn't already. (I actually like Ralph but even I felt like bailing on this show.)
The first song parody was one that Fred performed about some guy who faked a murder attempt on himself. It was to the tune of Joe Walsh's ''Rocky Mountain Way.''
After that Ralph had an ''Eddie Money Meets Liberace'' bit with Fred as Liberace and Eddie Money as himself. They performed a song parody together in that bit called ''Two Fingers In Paradise.''
After that one Ralph talked about how he thought that Eddie had done the song with Fred but Fred ended up doing the whole song himself. Ralph said that the next song was one that Janis Ian and Howard did about Jerry Seinfeld's 17 year old girlfriend. That song was to the tune of Janis' ''Seventeen'' song.
Ralph played the next song which was Peter Noone singing ''Don't You Dare Have Lunch With Jeffrey Dahmer'' to the tune of ''Mrs. Brown, You've Got A Lovely Daughter.'' After the song parody we heard Howard interviewing Peter Noone of Herman's Hermits for a few minutes. Peter performed a song parody called ''What If Kathie Lee Spawned The Devil's Daughter.'' Howard had him sing another one during that same interview, to the same tune, called ''Vince Coleman Blew Up A Little Toddler.'' Then he had him do one more, to the same tune, called ''How Long Will This Song Get Me On With Howard.'' Ralph went to break after that.
Ralph talked about Wood Yi (Steve The Engineer) who still does stuff for them to this day. He then got Gary back on the phone to ask him about this upcoming Sam Kinison bit. It was a fight that Howard and Sam had gotten into after this big Bon Jovi controversy that went on back in the late 1980s. Gary said that they had pissed Howard off when they went to a competing station in the city and he started trashing the band on the air. They were going to make up and have a big reunion at one point but they failed to show up. They realized that they had gotten burned and that pissed Howard off. Sam was part of the reunion and Howard got upset with him and ended up getting into this fight with him.
In the clip Howard had Sam come in with his girlfriend Malika. Sam and Howard started out pretty calm talking about this reunion thing but Sam sounded kind of irritated. Ronnie the Limo Driver called in and called Sam a user and accused him of using people like Jessica Hahn. Then he said that he threw her away like trash. They went back and forth on that for a couple of minutes.
Sam got more and more pissed off as Ronnie was talking to him. Sam told Howard that Jon Bon Jovi didn't want to come in and have Howard playing tapes of them saying stuff that they didn't want on the air. Howard said he wouldn't have done that. He and Sam went over that stuff and Sam said that he was in the middle of all of this and had no control over it.
Jessica Hahn called in and said that she did feel used by Sam. She and Sam ended up arguing about that stuff and then Sam went off on her. He called her a phony and said that he didn't use her. He said that he's not Jim Baker or Hugh Hefner. He said that he helped her with her career and he's sorry that she perceives him the way she does. Sam then went off on her calling her a ''cow faced loser'' and some other stuff.
Sam then brought up Jessica's mother who had just passed away. That made her cry. She went off on him about that but Sam got even more angry. He went off on Howard about not knowing his dead brother and not knowing what he tried to do for him.
Howard said he didn't think that they could get this together. Sam went off on Howard about talking about his brother and then told Jessica to do another Mr. Ed bit while her mother is dying and that made her cry again. Howard let her go before she got even more upset.
Howard said that Sam was on the outs with Jessica and with Gilbert Gottfreid too. He said that he doesn't like Pat Cooper either. Sam told Howard that this is the kind of radio he loves and he knows it.
After an edited out commercial break Howard took a phone call from a guy who claimed that Sam had bad mouthed him at his Rascal's show the night before. Sam told Howard that he didn't think that his appearance on Letterman was that good and he should have spoken to him before going on. Howard told Sam he doesn't need help with that stuff. Sam didn't get why this guy was trying to cause trouble between friends like that.
Howard and Sam spent a short time talking about the Letterman thing some more. Sam said he was going to be on tonight. Howard told him he'd better be good or he'll be swinging a mic through his legs like Sam did at Rascals for him.
Ralph came on after that and said that he thinks that Sam may have been slugging something down during the show because he started to get more and more aggravated. He told everyone to stay tuned because it only gets better. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came out of a break and spent a short time talking to Sam about Leslie West. Sam wasn't too happy with him either. Howard said that his parents actually told him he had to work this stuff out with Sam because they love him on the show.
Howard said that Sam admitted during the commercial break that he thought his Letterman appearance was great. Sam said he didn't know he had done 15 appearances on that show. Howard tried to put Leslie West on the line but he wasn't there when he picked up. He went to some other phone calls and let some people go off on Sam.
Howard had Leslie West on the phone and he asked Sam what his problem is. Sam asked him what his problem was and went off on him about some stuff as well. The two of them went back and forth about some stuff and then Leslie called Sam a fat bastard and hung up on them.
Gary said that he had Gina Man on the phone to talk to Sam. Howard picked up and let him go off on Sam. He goofed on Sam a little bit before Howard hung up on him. Howard took some more phone calls and let some other fans go off on Sam as well.
Howard and Sam got back to the Bon Jovi thing again and Sam tried to explain what was going on with all of that. He told him about the call he got from John and what he said to him about why he didn't want to do the show. Gary came in with some faxes for Howard to read. Some of them were on Sam's side. Howard took some more calls too and some of the callers were on Sam's side as well.
Howard asked people to just not treat him like a jerk. Sam said that he's going to stay out of this Bon Jovi thing from now on. Howard thanked him for that. Sam said that he would never cross him again.
Ralph played another one of his favorite bits after that. It was a bit with Jay Leno's former producer Helen Kushnick. They did the bit as if Gary was going to replace Helen. In the clip Howard ended up goofing on Gary about his complaints about how no one will answer his phone. Gary and Howard went back and forth on that for a few minutes.
Ralph said he loved that segment with Gary getting upset. He spent a few seconds on that and then introduced the next segment where Howard played some song parodies. He had one about Scott the Engineer's bald head, yellow fingers and more. Howard goofed on Scott for a little while during that clip.
In another clip Howard played the song ''Brown Fingers'' that Scott the Engineer performed about himself. Ralph said that it's kind of sad that Scott has stopped smoking because they could have had even more great song parodies about him if he had kept smoking. He had to go to break after that.
In the clip Howard said that Fred was strangest with Robin, Jackie and Gary coming next. Robin said that Howard has to be right up there with her. Howard and the guys spent a few minutes talking about why Fred was so strange.
Howard said he knows he's strange too but not as strange as some of the other people on the show. Gary said that he does some strange things on the show and went through some of that stuff with him. Howard tried to defend himself but everyone started picking him apart.
Everyone gave their thoughts on who the strangest person on the show was. All of the guys were picking everyone else apart. Gary was bringing up a bunch of stuff that Howard does that's strange. Howard was defending himself on most of it. Robin brought up his hypochondria and things like that but he denied that.
Gary went off on Howard some more about the weird stuff he does so Howard ended up going off on him about some of the crap he's pulled on him.
Robin said that Howard was the strangest one on the show. Howard defended himself against the stuff she was saying but then he took it and asked her who the second weirdest was. She said that it would either be herself or Fred. That led to the guys talking more about Fred and the strange things he's done. Fred ended up freaking out and pulling his microphone off the stand. Then he threw it in the garbage.
Steve Grillo and Tom Chiusano came in with their lists of the strangest on the show. Howard went through their lists and ended up arguing with Grillo about the things he found strange about him.
Ralph came back and talked about the segment that he had just played. He found some of it very interesting especially when Howard was talking about sleeping in his clothes and not showering on the weekends. He had to go to break a short time later.
In the first clip Robin was reading some news when she brought up a story about some people who were against gays marching in a parade. That led to Howard going to Billy West who was doing his Marge Schott impression. Marge was going off on the gays cursing them out and saying that she doesn't want them marching. Billy was going nuts yelling out racial slurs and going off on all of the people that Robin was bringing up in the news.
Ralph came back on and introduced a Frank Sinatra bit that Billy West did years ago. It was a bit where they had Frank forgetting the words to songs on his new album ''I Remember What's Her Name.''
Ralph interrupted the segment and said that he just wanted to tell everyone who calls him lazy that he's there, and Howard isn't.
Ralph went into another classic segment where Howard did his ''Sternac the Improbable'' bit which was a parody of Johnny Carson's ''Carnac.'' Robin read her intro for Sternac and then Howard went into his impression with Billy West doing his Ed McMahon impression. He read the answers and then the questions for those answers. They included things like:
After that Ralph explained where the Hey Now thing came from and how it was kind of derived from Ed McMahon's ''Hey ohhh.'' They used to do that on The Larry Sanders Show which is where Howard got it from. Ralph also said that he was never a hair dresser even though Howard called him that in the bit.
In the clip Howard was playing some prank calls they had made to Gary in the early days of the Baba Booey stuff. Billy West was doing voices and calling Gary and asking for ''Bob A. Booey'' and things like that. Howard said that Gary had no idea it was them. They were relentless with the calls. Gary would hang up as soon as he heard ''Bob.''
Howard said that all of those calls encouraged them to make more calls to Gary. He said that one guy called Gary as a Barbershop Quartet and told Gary that the name of the quartet was ''Barber Booey.'' That led into a call where Billy did the voice of a woman calling in as Barbara Booey.
Ralph ended the show a short time later, around Noon.
Howard started the show talking about all of the guests they had coming on this morning. He had a whole list of people who were supposed to be calling and stopping in. He said he was going to fellate Tim Burton for the first time on radio this morning. He said he checked with the Gay and Lesbian Alliance and they told him that it would not technically be gay if he did that to Tim. He suggested that Fred fellate him while he did Tim Burton too.
After an edited out commercial break Howard came back and said he was glad it was Friday because he loves the weekend. He said he'd love it even more if he could get the voices out of his head. That led to Fred playing Howard's mother's ''Hello!?'' audio clip over and over.
Howard said he had some tape of Jackie to play. He was about to do that but Fred was playing more of his mother audio clips and driving him crazy. Howard said that the voices in his head were getting even worse. He asked some questions of the audio clips but the answers were all ''no.'' Then Fred threw in some of his father's audio clips to make him even crazier.
Jackie said that Annemarie would have the date of the time they played that clip. Howard said that he doesn't need her coming in and distracting them. He said that she's very beautiful and all dolled up today so he doesn't need that.
Howard brought up Tim Burton and how Ralph was talking to him about the movies that he's done and how he pictures him doing things like Batman. Howard said he actually invited Ralph in to meet the guy because he thinks it'll be funny.
Howard mentioned that they're going to play the gossip game with Erica Elainiak today. He said that the E! guys were saying that they need to get more girls on the show so that's why they're having her in. Howard mentioned that Bob Schimmel is going to be coming in too.
Howard said that he would pay $500 for an interview with Andy because of that conjoined twin thing. He said he has to know more about that. He said they don't know that they removed the second head from his body so it could still be there.
The guys spent a short time talking about Julianna and how crazy it would be turn down an offer like that. Howard said that unless she's a very wealthy woman without the show she should stick with it. Howard said that anyone who likes money has to keep a job like that.
Gary came in and read some stories about Andy Garcia and his conjoined twin. It was removed minutes after birth according to what he read. Howard said he wants to know what happened to the brother. He said he has to know everything about it and told Gary to get him on the show.
Howard read some other stories in the news and had one about Katie Couric who waited 2 years before she started dating someone after her husband's death. He said that they report that the guy she was dating was a guy who was arrested one time because of an arrest he had a couple of years ago. The assault charges were dropped a short time after they were filed but Katie and the guy had broken up after she found out about it. Howard said that Katie shouldn't have broken up over a story like that.
Howard mentioned all of the guests they had coming up today. He said they'd be getting to all of them soon. He also mentioned some of the guests they had coming up next week. They ended up talking about Arnold Schwarzenegger for a short time since he's coming in. Robin talked about some of the stuff he was doing on a wrestling show that was on recently.
Howard said that the movie company was upset with him for talking about falling asleep during Arnold's new movie. He said that he was tired and it wasn't the movie that put him to sleep. He said that they had some great effects in the movie and it was action packed.
Comedian Bob Schimmel called in to give Howard an update on the aftermath of his appearance earlier this week. During the interview Bob and his daughter spoke about an incident that happened while he was in the hospital after a gall bladder operation. According to Bob his wife is very upset about the whole situation. As a matter of fact he's getting kicked out of his house!
Bob told Howard that he's spoken to his wife a couple of times and she's not a happy person. He had to correct one thing about the story. He said that she was 21 when he was on but today he said she's actually 25. Big difference.
Bob also said that there may have been some inappropriate behavior but he doesn't really remember what happened in the hospital because he was on morphine. Bob didn't make things any better with his phone call this morning but he sure was funny.
Bob is out in Los Angeles today but he said he's heading back to his home in Arizona to clear out his stuff. Howard told him to call in from the house on Monday so they can hear what happens. Tune in to find out what happens.
Howard spent a while talking to Chris about some stories he's read in the tabloids lately. Chris told him that they're all false and that he's with his wife now and they're doing fine.
Howard also asked Chris if he lightens his skin. He saw a tape one time from years ago and Chris looked darker then than he does now. Chris immediately changed the subject by saying ''Hey! You're getting divorced!'' Howard explained why he separated from Alison and both Chris and Kevin hung on every word of it.
Kevin's been married for 6 months and said it's going great. Howard said 6 months is like dating, not like 21 years of marriage.
They also talked about porno movies and the subject of Houston's Bukake movie came up. Howard had one of these ''Bukake'' movies loaded up in the VCR so he showed Kevin and Chris a short clip. He got sick over it and couldn't watch more than 5 seconds of it without gagging.
Kevin spent a couple of minutes talking about ''Dogma'' and also about the ''Superman'' movie he wrote that just kind of faded away. He was going to work with director Tim Burton on it but Burton changed his mind so it just went away.
Chris was going to play Jimmy Olson in the movie. That led to Chris telling a story about a meeting he had with actor Chris O'Donnell who played Robin in the last ''Batman'' movie. The two of them were talking and O'Donnell asked Rock what he was up to. He told O'Donnell that he was going to play Jimmy Olson in ''Superman'' and O'Donnell says ''A black Jimmy Olson? .. Yeah, I guess so.'' Rock thought that was pretty funny. Chris Rock has a new episode of his HBO show on tonight at 11:30pm.
Before Howard did the full interview he played the Mike Walker Gossip game with Erika. Mike told Howard about a movie she's in where there's some nudity going on. The movie is ''Chasers'' and both Mike and Gary said it's a must see movie. Howard had to move along so he had Mike do his thing.
Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. Here are this week's stories:
After the tame Howard spoke to Erika about her life and her new mini-series ''Aftershock.'' Howard learned that Erika started modeling at age 10. She appeared in ''E.T.'' as the young girl who kissed Elliott and danced with him. As she got older she got involved with drugs and said she tried just about everything including crank and crystal meth.
Erika also said that she dated a 23 year old when she was only 15. She told Howard how she used to sneak out to see the guy and she'd lie to her mother to do it. He turned out to be a ''freak'' according to Erika. She said that he cheated on her and did some wacky things.
Erika also told Howard how she dated a quadriplegic guy for a while until He cheated on her. Howard couldn't believe that there were two hot women fighting over a guy in a wheelchair. Erika said she really liked that guy.
Howard figured that all men have hope if Eric was willing to date someone in a wheelchair. Now Erika is happily married so she's no longer available. ''Aftershock'' starts this Sunday, November 14 and ends on Tuesday.
Today Howard wanted to find out what happened to the new ''Superman'' movie Tim was working on. Tim worked for a full year on the new movie but it was eventually scrapped for some reason. Tim basically said that the studios turn the movies into toys and t-shirts before the movie is even made and that kind of ruins the thing. They also have weird ideas for the characters that just sound dumb.
Tim explained how the studio wanted Superman to wear shorts instead of the red tights that he's worn in the past and they wanted flames on the sides of his boots. They also wanted him to wear corduroy!
Howard kissed Tim's ass a little bit telling him how great the first ''Batman'' movie was and how he was really looking forward to this new ''Superman'' movie.
Howard also spoke to Tim about his weird family life. Tim said he wanted out of his family home so bad that he tried to crawl out before he could even walk. He said his parents weren't really bad people, he just didn't get along with them.
Howard pointed out how hot his current girlfriend is. Lisa Marie and Tim met at a strip club and have been together for years. He said he had to wait a really long time to get someone so beautiful. He said that he could count the number of women he had before her on one hand.. with three fingers cut off. He wasn't very popular in high school but did go to his 10 year high school reunion. He said it was very surreal. He said the people who were always picked on in school were the good looking, successful people and the people who were the king and queen of the prom were looking like old people.
Tim also told Howard that he worked for Disney studios doing animation but he couldn't do their type of drawing so he moved on. He made some short movies and Pee Wee Herman saw them and gave him his first director job. He now says he's the luckiest man in the world.
Howard plugged ''The Legend of Sleepy Hollow'' and took a call from Chaunce Hayden who said he saw the movie. He told Tim that it's great and that he'd give it 4 stars.
Howard also let his buddy Ralph come in to meet Tim because he's such a huge fan. Ralph asked Tim a few questions about his various movies. He also kissed his ass telling him that movies never disappoint him and he doesn't have any criticism's. He did ask why, in ''Batman'' with all of the expensive sets, did they use a Chevy Citation for Batman's love interest. Tim said it's hard to get good cars in England, where it was shot, so they had to use the producer's car. We also found out that Tim is working on a remake of ''The Man with X-Ray Eyes.'' That's another one Howard is looking forward to. Ralph asked a couple of other questions and eventually they had to end the interview.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked about the taxi cab problem they're having there in the city. Robin spent a little time talking about that.
Robin read some news about Al Gore, people imitating the movie Fight Club, cell phone use getting annoying and more.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what this Bukkake thing is that he was talking about earlier. Howard explained it to the guy but the guy still didn't get it. Howard said he couldn't get any more explicit than he had gotten and hung up on the guy.
Robin read some more news about a couple of airline crashes, Wade Boggs retiring from baseball, Kid Rock donating a song to a Playboy event, Joey Buttafuoco, and a bunch of other things before she ended her news. Howard ended the show around 9:20am (Master Tape Theatre time).
Howard came back from break and listened to a Wallflowers song that was performed on his show. He said he's been spending some time over at the new place lately and they have a great recoding studio over there and they're able to do some great recordings. He had one of the Alman Brothers doing a performance over there and it was very clean. Howard said he really liked the song that he was playing. Howard said he might have to invite some groups there to perform. They even have 25 seats there for fans to sit in and watch.
Howard said that Chris Rock was there so he had the guys bring him in. Chris is in a couple of movies including ''The Longest Yard'' and ''Madagascar.'' Chris came in a few seconds later so Howard was asking Chris if he's keeping his daughter ''off the pole.'' Chris told Howard that his daughters could still end up on the pole. Howard said that his oldest daughter has a problem with that kind of stuff and she would never end up there. The two of them talked about their kids for a couple of minutes. Chris said he has 2 kids, a 1 year old and a 3 year old. Both of them are girls. Chris said both of them are with his wife so that's ''so white'' of him to do.
Howard asked Chris if it was true that Infinity asked him to take over mornings for him when he leaves. Chris said he's not going to do that. He said he does get offers like that but he's not going to get up that early to work every day. Howard told Chris that Juliette Lewis was going to be coming in and he was going to be playing a retard and acting with her. Chris said he likes Juliette. He talked about some of the movies she's been in that he liked.
Howard asked Chris if he was right about telling him not to do the Academy Awards. Chris said it was a lot of work for so little reward. He claims that he is getting more work around the world now so it was worth hosting the show. Howard asked Chris if Sean Penn is really an a-hole like he seemed on the award show. Chris said he had dinner with Sean and he was fine after that. Howard asked him more about the Academy Awards and Chris is claiming that he's getting better movie offers and stuff and he's glad he hosted it. Howard asked Chris about ''The Longest Yard'' and what it was like working with Adam Sandler. Gary came in and talked about the movie and how Adam is playing the part of a tough guy and he just isn't one. Chris said he wasn't going to be doing any Sandler bashing on the show today. He said he thinks this is the best Sandler movie ever. Howard told Chris that he's fooled him before by saying that stuff with other movies. Chris told Howard he thinks that the movie is going to make $50 million in it's first weekend. Howard told him he'll go see the movie if he says it's good. Chris said that the movie is good and he's seen it about 4 times.
Howard brought up the other movie that Chris is doing a voice in, ''Madagascar.'' Chris said that he made scale for doing the voices for the movie but he will make money when the movie makes money. He said that he worked for 15 days on that movie. He's hoping that the movie does well because then they'll need him for a sequel and he'll make the big money then. Chris said he is willing to work for Scale if there is a chance to make some big money. Gary came in and told Howard that the movie will be huge. Howard wondered why they need big name voices like that for a cartoon. Gary told Howard he'd like to go see a kids movie with his kids that has voices he knows. He thinks that if Chris is in it, he'll be funny. Howard doesn't know why he's not being asked to do voices for movies like that.
Howard asked Chris about what's going on with Dave Chappelle. Chris told Howard that he doesn't know every black comedian... but he does know Dave. Chris said he doesn't know what's going on with Dave right now because he was just talking about going on tour with him a few months ago. He said he loves Dave. Howard likes Dave as well. They spent a minute on him before moving on to other stuff. Howard wondered if Chris has a new movie philosophy. Chris said that he wants to be in only good movies from now on and he's willing to be number four instead of number one as long as the movie is good. He's also hoping that he'll be too busy next year to host the Academy Awards. He said they've been talking about getting Ellen Degeneres to host it. He said that she's funny to him and Howard kept saying ''What?'' when he said that. It seems like Chris doesn't dislike anyone in show business. Howard got back to Dave Chappelle and talked about how it seems like he just caved into the pressure from his Comedy Central show.
Howard asked Chris about Saturday Night Live and what he thinks about it these days. Chris said he hasn't watched it in a long time and he can't comment on whether or not it's good. Chris said he doesn't think that he'll ever go back to that show, he's already done it. Howard wished Chris luck with his two movies because they're both coming out this weekend. He also mentioned that Chris' publicist wanted him to come in around 8:30 this morning but they had to tell him to come in earlier. Howard told Chris that he has to get up and promote this stuff early. He spent a couple more minutes talking to Chris about his house in New Jersey and what he's got going on out there. Chris said he has a black housekeeper so Howard asked him if he makes her wear a uniform. Chris said he doesn't but he knows some people who do. Chris told Howard that he sits at home and watches a lot of porn while he's sitting home in his basement. Chris didn't want to get into all of the details so Howard talked about how many porn movies he was watching when he was still married.
Chris said that Howard always gives him his number when he comes in and he thinks that his wife finds it and throws it away. Howard said he once hung out with Chris but things were kind of uncomfortable. Howard said he really doesn't hang out with anyone but his girlfriend and his kids. Howard asked Chris what he really does all day. Chris said he does stay home while his wife goes out on her own. Howard said that's what happened to his marriage so it's just a matter of time before Chris' wife wakes up and they get divorced. Chris asked Howard about his ex-wife and her new husband. Howard told Chris that the guy is a nice guy and he likes him a lot. Howard said he knows the guy and he's really nice.
King of All Blacks called in to talk to Chris. He said that he's not a fan of his movies but this new one is good. He went to see ''The Longest Yard'' last night and said it was great. Howard wondered how a street sweeper gets to see an advance preview of a movie. That led to King talking about his Infiniti QX56 and his Moen and Kohler faucets. He said that he doesn't have any DVD players in his car but he does have 22 inch wheels on it. King also claims that he's like the only black guy in his neighborhood and if a black guy walks down the street the cops will show up... because King will be the one calling them. King said that he asks his black friends to come to his back door when they come over to his house. King told Howard that he has to see Chris' house. He knows the area where Chris lives but he wouldn't say on the air where he lives. Chris said there are people who know where he lives and they do drive by the house. King asked Chris why he has to do all of the talking when he and Adam Sandler do interviews about the movie. Chris didn't have anything to say about that so Howard let King go.
Vinnie Favale from CBS called in and said that Chris' TV show ''Everyone Hates Chris'' is the thing that's going to make Chris the big money. Vinnie said it's not a CBS show but he still likes it. It's a WB show. Howard said that Vinnie has lost all credibility since he said some stuff about Jenny McCarthy on the show recently so he hung up on him. Howard asked Chris for his top 3 hot chicks. Chris said he'd have to pick Rosario Dawson, Lucy Liu and Jessica Alba. Chris told Howard and Robin that his wife really doesn't like the two of them for some reason. Another caller told Howard that Chris' cartoon is like a rip off of ''Howard Stern the High School Years.'' He said that Chris is the only black kid in a white neighborhood and Howard is the only white kid in a black neighborhood. Howard didn't seem to be too worried about that though. Mariann from Brooklyn called in and told Chris not to do the Oscars again. She thought that it wasn't good for him. She screeched at him for a few seconds before Howard hung up on her.
Howard talked to Chris about his move to satellite and how much freedom he'll have over there. He compared his job on radio to Chris having to do his act on NBC instead of on HBO. Chris said that he would be nowhere if he didn't have HBO. Ralph called in after that and complained about the remake of ''The Longest Yard.'' He doesn't think it's going to be that good but he hasn't seen the whole movie yet. Chris told him that he has to see the whole movie before commenting on it. He told everyone that they can call in on Monday to comment on it. Chris talked to Howard about how he's been arrested before. He said that being arrested is actually tougher than being in jail. He talked about the strip search and how they search every bit of your body. That led to Howard talking to Chris about being circumcised. Chris said that he is circumcised which surprised Howard. He said that a lot of people who grow up poor don't have that done. Chris told Howard about his first arrest and how he ran over a guy who he was just going to beat up. Chris said he ran him over and then tried to back over him. The guy had robbed him and that's why he wanted to get some revenge. Chris said he also hit a guy with a bat at one point in his life. He said that he almost killed the guy when he did that. Chris said he does have a bit of a temper. The guy he hit with the bat was a guy who was picking on his little brother. He said he didn't give the guy a chance to get him, he had the bat hidden in a long trench coat and pulled it out to hit the guy. Chris said that he did a night in jail for that and then he got out. Howard spent a couple more minutes with Chris before wrapping up and taking a break.