Howard was checking out Artie's new moustache first thing. Artie said he's been bored lately so he grew the thing even though Dana isn't all that happy about it. He said he grew it last year as well and caught a bunch of shit over that. Howard was calling it the ''Fu Manchu'' moustache similar to one that Burt Reynolds had back in the 70s. He also told him he's Burt Reynolds without the handsomeness. Artie said that would leave him as a just a plain old jerkoff in that case.
Howard told Artie that the moustache is one of those things that turns chicks off. Artie said it depends on the chick though. He also said that he used to have a head shot where he had a moustache and the agents would look at it and just whistle as if they were stunned by the mess they were looking at. Howard asked him if the stomach wasn't enough to turn Dana off. Artie jokingly said ''I challenge you to find anything attractive about me.'' as if he were talking to Dana.
Howard used to have a moustache many years ago but he got rid of them and started wondering about his eyebrows the other day. He doesn't know why they're there either. Artie said that he's caught Dana looking at him on a few occasions where he knows that she's wondering why she's with him. Howard figures it's his great personality. Artie said he'll be getting rid of the moustache after one shaving or so.
Howard said that some people have been writing in to say that Artie is letting himself go but Howard doesn't think he's all that bad. He said that he knows that Artie is pretty self conscious because he doesn't like to take his shirt off when he's sitting by the pool.
Artie told Howard that he went Parasailing when he was on vacation recently and ended up wearing a shirt when he was doing that. Howard said that everyone else was wearing shirts too but Howard said that they don't. Artie said the guys hooking him up to the harness were telling him that he was pretty big. Howard said the natives must have thought that it was a flying hippopotamus.
Howard said that on the last vacation he went on, to Mexico, he had a hard time getting a chaise lounge chair because there were so many people. He said there were actually people getting into fights over the whole chair thing. He and Artie said that the Mexicans at those places are pretty nice. Howard said there was one guy who was coming on to Beth and calling her ''Miss Pretty.''
Artie said that Dana is a qualified SCUBA diver so she went diving one day while he sat and read the book ''A Million Little Pieces.'' That led to the guys talking about the author who got into some trouble with Oprah last week. Artie said that the book was actually very well written even if it wasn't true. Howard figures that he wouldn't have read the book if he knew that the stories were fake. Artie insisted that it was a good read though. Howard went off on Oprah saying that he hasn't liked her since she ripped off Phil Donohue's talk show format. She never scolds anyone on her show and the only reason she did that to the author of that book is because she knew she could get away with it. If she scolded anyone who has any power, then maybe he'd respect her.
One guy in the article said that he can't get reception around Newark Airport. Artie said that was kind of weird because he has friends who are in that area every day and don't complain about it. Howard went on to talk about this guy Ross Zapin who works there at SIRIUS now. He's been on a couple of long vacations lately and he doesn't understand how he's getting so much time off. Gary told Howard that Ross isn't taking as much time off as he thinks. Gary defended Ross so Howard said that Gary gets upset about that stuff because he and Ross are like asshole buddies. Gary said he wasn't upset and he was just explaining what he knows.
Howard said that Gary's lips are orange on his monitor which is in high def. Gary said that they wouldn't be orange if he came into the studio. Howard got back to Ross and said that he was down in Anguilla and tried his SIRIUS tuner down there and it came in just fine. Howard thought that the signal wouldn't be available down there but it was just fine.
Howard read some more of David Hinkley's article and continued to wonder why fans of his show wouldn't just go out and buy a radio and tune into the show. It's not a huge investment. Gary came in and told Howard that Thom was telling him that the satellite signal goes about 200 miles off of each coast in the U.S. and down to about Mexico City. Howard doesn't know geography very well so he doesn't know how Ross could pick up that signal.
Sal came in and said that he talked to a guy the other day about how he got a raise after his boss installed a SIRIUS radio in the office they work in because he started showing up on time after that. Howard and the guys were goofing on Sal for pronouncing Pizzeria in an unusual way. Sal seemed a bit irritated by the whole thing.
Howard read more of the Daily News article where people were talking about what they listen to now that Howard is ''gone.'' Howard said that evidently the fans haven't missed a beat and moved on to other radio shows. He said he was going to play some stuff that those other shows can't play.
Bobo called in and told Howard that he's got 3 friggin SIRIUS radios, one for him, one for his wife and one for his house. He can't believe how cheap people are. Howard found another article about how regular radio doesn't need to worry about satellite radio. The article ''The 'Howard Stern Factor' is Overrated: Few Americans Expect to Purchase Satellite Radio...'' said that only 14 percent of the country would subscribe to a service like that. Howard had Benjy do the math and found that comes in at about 41 million people who are willing to subscribe so terrestrial radio does need to worry. Howard talked to Bobo for a short time about his wig and goofed on him about that before letting him go.
Howard asked Artie if he knows who Anthony Johnson is because someone told him that Beetlejuice looks like an athlete by the name of Anthony Johnson. Artie had no idea who he was. Howard said he thinks that Star Jones is starting to look like Beetlejuice now that she's lost all of that weight.
A caller told Howard that he's seen people driving around the city and knows that they have satellite because he can tell when he sees them driving. The guy also said that he can't listen to regular radio during the day because it all sucks. He misses Howard's show in the morning but he does listen to stuff in the afternoon. Howard told the guy that he's guessing that the totally portable units are probably on the way. The caller said he knows that XM has a totally portable unit... but Howard told him that those units aren't that great and the guys at SIRIUS said that they could put out something crappy like that but they know that people would return them. They're working to perfect the technology before putting one out.
The caller talked to Howard about how K-Rock (now FreeFM) was ruined when they went to an all talk format. Howard said he's surprised that they didn't go to more of a music format when they switched. The caller was telling Howard how great SIRIUS is with the commercial free music and all. Howard asked the guy if he wanted to go to the Lingerie Bowl since he had a trip to give away. The caller said he'd love it. Howard had to take a break a short time later.
Howard said that Barbara was very intelligent and told some good stories while they were out. He said she told them about her career and was a good conversationalist. She owns the rights to the interviews that she's done over the years which he seemed to be interesting. He said that he's not good at doing that whole thing hanging out with people like that. He said he gets exhausted because he works so hard at it. Artie said he's seen that first hand and can tell Howard is working hard. It takes a lot of energy to do that kind of thing.
Howard said he'd prefer to just go out to dinner with Beth on a Friday night instead of going to something like that. Robin said she feels the same way and doesn't like to have to work at having conversations. Artie said that he gets exhausted talking all morning and was actually less tired after loading trucks all day for a living. Howard said the same thing about being a dishwasher. It was less exhausting to him.
Howard said he could talk to Barbara Walters for hours because she had a lot of interesting things to talk about. Artie asked if Barbara was one of the chicks that Geraldo Rivera claims to have banged. Howard said he doesn't think that's the case but Geraldo is so horny that he would bang a toad.
Howard mentioned that Charlie Rose showed up to the dinner but didn't stick around too long. He thinks that Charlie didn't see any hot chicks there so he bailed out on it and left. He also said that Charlie seems to be in a fog and didn't seem to care all that much that he didn't do the interview with his show. Howard told Charlie he's not going to reschedule the interview but Charlie kept telling him that they would reschedule.
Barbara told Howard that she was a fan of his movie so she is a little bit of a fan of his. She also thought the move to satellite was brilliant so Howard told her to come up and talk to Scott Greenstein about doing her own show on SIRIUS. Gary came in and said that he heard from their SIRIUS installer to the stars and found out that Barbara Walters just had a radio installed this weekend. Howard wondered if she had that done after talking to him. He said he thought about going door to door to sell radios because it might be more effective than regular ads.
Robin told Howard that Bubba did a funny thing where they had a great announcer reading the copy for a contest where they wanted women to send in pictures of their labia. The announcer went off on Bubba during the promo recording session about the whole thing and it was really funny. Howard said that Bubba has a shower installed in his studio so he had a couple of women showering together last week. He said he really enjoyed hearing Bubba and Brent talking about those women.
Howard said he has a meeting today where he'll tell the higher ups at the company about where they see his two channels going. The caller was asking if there would be a 24 hour a day Howard Stern channel. Howard said he thought about doing something like that when he was leaving Viacom. He wanted to take his old tapes and play them on his third channel. Then Viacom gave him a hard time about the old tapes and they wanted $40 million for that stuff. He said he may wait a year or so and then go back to them to find out of they'd give them up then. He knows that those guys don't really care about those tapes and he was nothing but a great employee when he was working there. He doesn't know why Joel Hollander is so caught up with those tapes. They think that he might feel kind of slighted by Howard leaving the company.
Howard said he was going to leave radio either way, whether or not he went to satellite. He doesn't have any problem with Joel and liked working for him while he was there at Viacom. He would like his old tapes back and doesn't know why people think he's so horrible.
Artie said that he was on a bunch of shows on Friday. He did Howard's show, the Wrap Up Show and both Howard 100 News reports at Noon and 6. He said that Ralph came on the Wrap Up Show and did just what he was supposed to do during the roast but did it too late.
Howard said that Ralph was interviewed on Howard 100 News and called Robin the N-word while being questioned about his roast. Howard wanted that piece to be ripped off the air but he let it run. Robin said that Mike Gange from Howard TV (Formerly Howard Stern On Demand) had come up to her and asked her about what went on during the roast. She said that Ralph using the N-word was taken out of context. She said he wasn't just walking through the halls calling her the N-word. They went to another break a short time after that.
Lisa G said they'll be talking about Danny Bonaduce's week of shows that will be airing on Howard 100 from 1-4pm this week. They'll also be doing a bunch of other reports about fans and also a report about why there are no posters for Howard down in the SIRIUS store that's being worked on downstairs in their building.
Lisa mentioned that there's some research going on about Chaunce's threat to sue SternFanNetwork.com because of some death threats that have appeared there. Howard said that it's in the paper today and Howard said if it were him, he wouldn't want that stuff in the paper, he'd try to down play it... but that's just Lloyd Grove getting back at him because he called him a hack one time.
Howard goofed on Lisa about the mistake she made last week with Henry Hill asking for a Caramel Macchiato and Lisa thinking that he said he wanted to cum on her face. That led to Howard talking about how Henry really burned them last week because he was supposed to be on Meet the Shrink for 2 shows and he ended up passing out so he never did them. Henry did do some things that were captured on camera for Howard TV. Howard replayed the clip where Henry was asking for one of those Caramel Macchiato things and Lisa mistook that for a come on.
Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to her and told her he was going to give her a trip to the Lingerie Bowl which she seemed thrilled about. She told Howard that he's the greatest.
We also found out that Alice's 21 year old son is a virgin and she doesn't think that he needs any of that stuff until he's married. That led to Howard asking Alice if her son masturbates. She said she doesn't think he does so Howard had to straighten her out on that. He has his dad's old Playboy magazines and a Scores calendar so he must be masturbating. She called her son over to the phone but he wasn't coming.
Alice asked her son, Matt, if he masturbates and he wouldn't answer. He eventually got on the phone and said that he's not doing it 3 times a day... it's not even an every day thing. He said that every guy has to do it. Howard asked him if he does it in his room. Matt was laughing as Howard was asking all of these questions. He said he does that in his room and locks the door to keep his mom out. He wasn't saying all that much so Howard let him go.
Artie said that Adam Sandler has a funny song on one of his albums that he'd like Howard to play. Howard said he's heard a lot of that stuff and some of it was funny and some wasn't. He played Andy's song ''I'll Fuck Anything that Moves'' and a little bit of his ''They Call That Thing Vagina'' song. He said he didn't even know that was Andy's song. He'd heard it on Red Peters' show before. Robin had heard it before too and didn't know it was Andy's.
The guys talked about Andy's sexual preferences and how he's been with some really hot chicks before. Howard said that Andy has also been with dudes and he thinks that's probably his preference.
A caller told Howard that he was pulled over the other day and a cop gave him a ticket that would have cost him $275. The cop then made him a deal where he could take the ticket or give up his SIRIUS tuner. The guy claims he gave the guy his tuner and the cop took it... So he had to go out and buy a new one. Howard and the guys didn't believe that but they let him tell the story anyway.
Another couple of callers told Howard how great the show has been over the past few weeks since they started. Howard told one guy that he hasn't been happier than he is right now. He said that he enjoys getting up early to do the show now.
Howard took a call from a guy who is supposed to be off to Kuwait in the next couple of days so this is the last day he'll be listening. He said that he had just activated his tuner the night before he found out that he was being shipped out. Howard told the guy they'll be waiting for him to come back. The guy said he hopes to be back in about a year. That led to Howard talking about the news reporter who was blown up over the weekend and got all messed up from the explosion. Robin said the vehicle got blown up and Bob Woodruff suffered head injuries. Howard said that really sucks and it doesn't make sense that we're even over in Iraq.
Another phone caller told Howard that the Vagina song that he was playing earlier was actually by the band Pig Vomit. Howard didn't realize that and said that he used to tour with a band called Pig Vomit. Artie said he remembers that band and wondered how long it's been since Howard toured with them. Howard wasn't sure.
A caller told Howard that the Adam Carolla show is really bad out on the West Coast. That led to Howard saying that he and Adam talked about him coming over to satellite but Adam was looking for a huge pay day and satellite might not give him that. He said he wishes Adam luck because he really doesn't care who replaces him or how they do. He said that Adam is a good dude and he wishes him luck.
Howard was talking about how he used to walk out of those old studios over there with huge headaches. The place was always so filthy that he thinks that's why he was always feeling sick. The new place is so clean and nice that he stays there much more than he ever stayed at the K-Rock studios. That led to everyone else talking about how clean it is over there and how much they enjoy working at that place. Gary said that they have a kitchen there at SIRIUS and it stays clean, even with a ton of people working there.
Howard said that the studios over at K-Rock were like working in a coal mine because it was so filthy. It was dirty and depressing and even his parents picked up on that when they'd visit. Howard said he just feels a lot better now that they're there at SIRIUS. He's rearranged his schedule so he can do more work there. He said his office is more of a lounge than an office. He had a meeting with a few guys back there one day recently and they just lounged out. He said that the guys he had the meeting with wanted to just hang out back there after he left because it was so comfortable.
Gary told Howard that there's this new Robin on SIRIUS because she's apparently been cursing like crazy since she started there. Howard said that some of the bits that the guys are creating just have too much cursing in them and he's asked Sal to remember to be creative.
Richard came in and asked Robin if she likes it really rough like that. Robin said she has no desire to be face fucked like they do in some of those movies. Richard told Howard about a clip where a woman was getting face f'd and she sounds like a turkey. Howard played that and said he'd be afraid of really rough sex because he'd be afraid of getting hurt.
Artie jokingly mentioned ear fucking but Howard told him that there is such a thing. There's also something called ''cream pie'' where a guy finishes in a chick and then she queefs out the man goo into another chick's face. He said that stuff doesn't turn him on though. Howard played more of the face f'ing clip and it sounded pretty funny. Richard told him that the chick is really hot and that her name is Nikki Hunter.
Robin said she recently heard that Houston the porn star is out of the business and is now selling real estate. Howard had to take another break a short time after that. He played a prank call as they were going into commercial.
Howard played another clip of Mark the Bagger singing some AC/DC stuff. They've been very busy recording bits and coming up with new stuff for the show since they have so much freedom to do things. He wanted to play a new game with someone but realized that he didn't have any gifts to give away. Gary told him that they don't have any more prizes right now.
Gary was also telling Howard that Danny Bonaduce and his crew were out waiting to come in and things are crazy. Danny was in a motorcycle accident a couple of weeks ago so he had some kind of cast on his arm. Danny will be doing a show from 1-4pm on Howard 100 each day this week. Artie did his impression of Danny and reenacted some of the clips that Howard has played from Danny's show ''Breaking Bonaduce.''
Howard played a clip of Danny talking about using Vikodin even though he doesn't need it. That led to the guys talking about last night's 60 Minutes where they did a story about a guy who was sent to jail for allegedly selling prescription drugs. Now he's in jail and getting a morphine drip.
Howard said that the game is Sal asking Nicole a question and people having to guess if she can answer it. Artie said he'd even throw in a copy of his DVD to give away. Howard asked him if he had a good DVD to give away. Artie was talking about his DVD ''It's the Whiskey Talkin.'' Howard thought about giving away something from the studio instead.
Howard decided not to play a game and just played the audio instead. Sal asked her to spell some words so here are the words and how she spelled them.
Howard brought up how Ronnie the Limo Driver was on Bubba the Love Sponge's show recently and was challenged to a cock off. Ronnie didn't do it so Howard's web guy Doug Herwitt told him that maybe Ronnie should challenge Bubba to a car race instead. Bubba is a race car driver so maybe Ronnie should do that instead. Ronnie came in a short time later and said he's not sure he'd race him. Ronnie said he's never done a sprint race like Bubba does. He would rather do a NASCAR race up at Pocono instead.
Howard said that Ronnie has this Cadillac Escalade EXT and he's got bumper stickers all over it. He wonders how Ronnie is a Jew and puts that kind of crap on a nice truck like that. He said he was following him and couldn't believe that this guy had crapped up his truck like that. Ronnie described the stickers that he's got on the back window of the truck. There are Dale Earnhardt, Tony Stewart and skull stickers on the window. He also has a little American flag on there. Ronnie said he also has a special trailer hitch cover. It's a skull head with big red eyes. Howard missed that part of the truck.
Howard said that there are no Jews out there putting stickers like that on their Escalade. Artie said that's a southern thing. Howard interrupted that and said that he was on the Beer League movie web site and right now it's just like wallpaper. Artie said that's all they have right now but they will be adding stuff soon.
Ronnie has been complaining about Ralph's attitude problem lately so Howard said he's sick of hearing about it. He wants the two of them to stop with that crap already. He doesn't want to see them working that out in front of him from now on. He's not taking anyone's side in the argument. Ronnie is upset that Ralph doesn't acknowledge him when he says hello to him when he comes in.
Howard said that Danny will be doing shows from 1-4pm each day this week. He didn't know that they were airing on Howard 100 but Gary informed him of that and said that Tim Sabean let them know that. Then the guys talked about Tim and how organized he seems to be. They spent a minute talking about him and then went to break.
Howard said that Danny Bonaduce showed up with a camera crew this morning. He's taping more stuff for the VH1 show so he figured he'd let him bring the cameras up there. Howard asked Danny what he thinks about the studios so far. Danny said they're great. Howard said he pictures Danny dropping in on each of the channels over there and invading shows each day. He said that could be a TV show in itself.
Danny was telling Howard that 22 Latin American countries have purchased the rights to his show Breaking Bonaduce and it's amazing. Howard and Artie were both doing their impressions of Danny from his TV show and Danny was getting kind of embarrassed by it. He said that it was really weird to hear the show being done in Spanish.
Howard told Danny that they're very excited about having him there for the week doing his own radio show. Howard told him that it will probably be the best radio experience ever because of the freedom. He said that the work environment is also very nice compared to where he used to work.
Danny told the guys that he crashed his motorcycle about 4 weeks ago and broke both arms, his sternum and his nose. He took his casts off his arms because they didn't look good on camera. He showed Howard one of his scars where he had a compound fracture of one arm. It's still broken and one of his wrists is broken. He said that when he has a cast on he's the center of attention. Artie broke in and said that ''casts are for fags!'' in his Danny voice.
Danny said that he's off of steroids now but he will go right back on the juice when he goes back to California. He said he's got a closet full of the stuff and he's not going to stop using them. He said that he's been sober for about nine months now but he will be back on the illegal juice. Howard asked him if he's afraid of going into a steroid rage because he's kind of known for that. Danny said he doesn't need that stuff to go into a rage.
Danny told Howard that this week is going to be great, he's in New York City for a week with an expense account. He did have his mini-bar removed from his hotel room though. He said he's proud of himself for doing that. Danny said they took all of the alcohol and even the chocolate that was in there. He said that's best because he carries a body fat calculator with him and doesn't want to start eating that crap.
Howard said that he's kind of worried about Danny going back on the steroids. Danny said he'll tell the higher-ups that he was just kidding about that but he will be going back on them. Howard wants to know what Danny will be doing on his show this week. Danny said there is no plan so far and all he knows is that he'll be working with this woman Delana, who he hasn't met yet. He said he talked to her for about a minute and it was more like an interview so he told her to call ''this Sabean guy'' and tell him she was coming in.
Howard wondered why Danny doesn't have some people he knows come work with him. He said he doesn't even know where the people are who he used to work with. Gary told Howard that Delana was there but he also heard that Danny had some lawsuits with the people he used to work with. Danny said that they're all settled.
Danny was telling the guys that he has been hardened over the years from getting punched in the face so many times. He said that's how you get hardened, by actually getting punched, not by doing Karate and stuff. Howard took a call from a guy who thinks that having Danny on Howard 100 is a great idea. Howard said that Danny's TV show was the best TV show on TV last year but he was almost out done by Jeff Conaway on Celebrity Fit Club.
Artie did his Danny impression again and did another scene where Danny was breaking down and crying while talking about his wife not loving him the way he thought. Danny said that he knows just what to do when he's on camera or on air but when he's off the air, that's when he doesn't know what to do. Howard wondered if he thinks he's ever punch his co-host or anything like that on his show.
Danny said he has never touched a woman, but he did smack a man dressed as a woman one time. He told the story about how that happened. He said he picked up a chick he saw on the street one time and when the chick got in the car, that's when he saw it was a dude. He said he told the guy ''My mistake fella, get out.'' He told the guy to get out a few more times but the guy didn't want to get out. The guy refused to get out so Danny had to yank him out. The guy was bigger than he thought but did get him out of the car. He said the guy was a native American so he got protested by Indian groups after that. Danny said that he hit the guy immediately after he got him out of the car because he didn't want the guy to hit him first. He said he kept hitting the guy to keep him down because he wasn't listening to him when he told him to stay down.
Howard asked Danny if he wanted to meet his co-host Delana. She came walking in and Danny said she was way better looking than he thought she'd be. Delana told Howard that she's been in radio for a long time. Artie asked her how her defense techniques are. Danny said they have him all wrong and he's not going to hurt her. He said that no woman has sued him about anything. The guys he used to work with are the ones who sued him. Danny said he once grabbed a guy by the face to make him listen to him and he hit his head on the wall and fell. Gary said there was also a time when a guy accused Danny of calling his daughter a whore... at the age of 8. Danny had to go off on him for that.
Delana is a lesbian so Howard asked her about that. She said she has no problem bringing that up on the air. Howard asked her if she's the man. She said she has worn a strap-on but she prefers to be the woman in the relationship. Howard asked her how this was all brought up to her and what she thought about it. She said that she's very happy to be there and that it's a great offer.
Danny told Howard that he wouldn't say that he would never drink again for his TV show. He said that could happen but right now he's sober. He also told Howard that he had a big fight with his wife Gretchen last night. He said she left him hanging, for 7 hours, when she told him that she'd call him back in a few minutes. He said he doesn't even think that she's into him anymore. Howard agreed and can't believe that they're still together.
Howard said he thinks that Danny will have sex with another woman while he's there in the city for the week. Danny said that could happen but someone would have to find out about it and tell his wife for him because he won't do it himself. Howard then played a clip of Danny crying on ''Breaking Bonaduce'' about his wife. Howard said it would be great if Danny called his wife while having sex with another woman. Danny said that it would be great if Howard gave him a job and he could stay there in the city. That would be one way out of his marriage. Danny said he would feel bad about his kids though.
Danny said that he once told his wife that if she died, he would bring a date to her funeral. He said he has trouble being alone. He was also talking about his therapist and how he has said many things to that guy that people wouldn't believe. He said he once told him that he'd ''beat him straight.''
Howard wanted to take some calls for Danny. He ended up talking to Danny about the upcoming radio show he'll be doing this afternoon. Danny and Delana will do shows all this week from 1pm to 4pm on Howard 100. Howard also said that there have been some news reports about Danny and the people he used to work with on The Partridge Family. Shirley Jones is kind of upset with him for what he's been doing on his TV show. David Cassidy has also complained that Danny isn't returning his calls. Danny said that David is a great guy but when he leaves messages he has a very ''I'm important'' cadence when he speaks. He said that he will return his calls when he feels like it.
Howard asked Danny when he last had sex with his wife because he made it seem like she ever does. Danny said they did it maybe a week ago. Howard was surprised to hear that it was that recent. He asked Danny how that happens and if he just rolls on top of her. Danny said that it's actually like this... ''Wanna?'' and then she says ''Okay'' and they do it. He said he doesn't need her to do anything when he's doing it with her. He said that when he takes that testosterone steroid, he basically walks around all day with a hard on. He said he's been able to finish just by thinking about sex. Howard said that only happened one time and that was at Scores. He said he had his girlfriend on his lap and a scores dancer dancing for them. He shot his load and then had to get out of there.
Howard took a call for Danny and the caller pretended to be Leif Garret asking Danny to get him a job. That led to Danny talking about how he did an interview with Good Morning America because they called shortly after the story came out about Leif's recent arrest. Danny said that he went off on the reporter because they were talking about how tough it is to be a child star. Danny said that he only made about $200,000 from The Partridge Family and when he turned 18 he only had about $72,000 left. Instead of saving it, he just blew it on a weekend party.
Danny told Howard that he was willing to post the bail for Leif Garret and give him a job on Breaking Bonaduce. Howard said it would be great to have Leif on his afternoon show. Danny said that would be great but the guy probably can't put a sentence together so he wouldn't be all that great.
Another phone caller said he can't stop watching Danny's TV show even though he thinks he should hate the guy. Danny said that he hates himself enough for both of them so he doesn't need anymore hate. Another phone caller asked Danny about his motorcycle crash and if he took pain meds after that. Danny said he did take some but he's off of them now. Howard took a call from a guy who asked who would win in a fight, Danny or Chuck Zito. Both Howard and Danny said that Chuck would win but Danny said that he would fight the guy just because he's a bad ass.
A phone caller asked Danny about his penis shriveling up from the steroids. Danny said that's a misconception and your balls don't shrink up that much. He also talked about his testosterone levels and how they're about 10 times higher than the average man's would be. He said that steroids are magic and he highly recommends them. His kidneys are working fine and his lungs are just fine as well even though he smokes 3 packs a day.
Howard started to up with Danny and said that they should be hearing about the second season of Breaking Bonaduce any time now. Danny said the camera crew is there so it's just a matter of time before they find out about when it will air. Another caller asked Danny about how many former sidekicks he has from doing radio shows. Danny said he's probably had about 50 people. There were some people he didn't get along with and ended up punching out this guy John Heffron in a fight they set up one time. He said that guy blamed him for buying a bunch of electronic equipment that night because he had a concussion from the fight. Howard wrapped up and promoted Danny's show that's airing this afternoon. He went to break right after that.
George Flowers from Howard 100 News was in to give them an update on what was coming up on the news at noon. Howard said that George is the first guy they hired to work there at Howard 100. George told the guys that they'll do a report about Danny and his huge entourage. They will also be doing a report about Howard's show being pirated. They will also be talking about the fact that Howard's picture isn't up in the windows of the new SIRIUS store that's being put in on the ground floor of the building they're in.
Howard said he's kind of freaked out by the fact that SIRIUS isn't putting pictures of him in that store. He can't wait to find out what the news team finds out. The news airs live at Noon and 6pm. Howard moved on to Jon Hein who does the Wrap Up Show after the radio show each day. He said they've got a lot of stuff coming up including discussions about Danny Bonaduce. They will be talking to Sal and Richard about their prank calls and the porn clips they play on the show. Howard said that Sal and Richard are really into it and they're probably the only ones who are.
JD came in to tell Howard that he had nothing to do with the ATM (Ass To Mouth) stuff being brought up on the show. He said that was all Sal and Richard. He said he mentioned the Twink and Supertwink stuff. Howard asked JD to do them a favor and call his girl Kissyphur live on the show tomorrow so they can watch him do his thing with her. JD didn't sound like he was that into it but Howard insisted that he say yes to the request. Gary said they could leave JD back in his room doing his thing and they could conference him in on a phone call.
Gary told Howard that they did some searching around and found some disturbing porn movie stuff. He had a list of things that they found. Howard read some of them...
Ralph called in during the news so Howard told him that he was cursing quite a bit on everything he was on. Ralph said that's not the norm for him though, it may have been because he was so loaded on Friday. Ralph was calling in to get in on a conversation about hot chicks that the guys were having. He said that Scarlet Johanson is looking good these days. Howard said she looks hot in movies but then she doesn't look all that great in pictures. Ralph also mentioned an NBC news anchor who is pretty hot. Howard said that the hottest chick on the local news is this chick Liz Cho who he's seen out on the street. Howard and Ralph both met her husband one time and thought that he was a douche when he came running up to them. Howard said that he's sure the guy is nice and all but they had to call him a douche because that's what guys do.
Robin told Howard that Beth told her that David Blaine is hot when she saw him at Howard's birthday party a couple of weeks back. Howard said she's really into that guy, but he already knew that. Artie wondered what Robin payed him to appear there but she said he didn't get paid. He was doing some tricks for people around the party because that's the way he wanted to do things. Howard said his father had no idea who the guy was and ended up ignoring him as he was doing his tricks.
Howard took a call from a guy who was giving them his sob story about his family dying and how he had cancer. Then he asked for a trip to the Lingerie Bowl. Howard didn't have anymore to give away though so he hung up on the guy. Another caller asked Howard what happened to Crack Whore View. Howard said they're going to be working on making shows what they should be so they're going to have a lot of new stuff but they will be bringing back shows like the Crack Whore View and a bunch of the others that have aired.
Howard took another call from a woman who asked him when he was going to bring in his childhood puppets. Howard didn't remember that so everyone had to remind him that he said he was going to bring them in to show everyone. The guys ended up goofing on the woman's voice because she sounded kind of like Debbie Schlussel or maybe a boy with a very high voice. Artie did his impression of her for a short time but Howard bailed out on the call a short time later.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he was listening to the show on the web through SIRIUS' web site. Howard said that's impossible because they haven't worked that out yet. The caller insisted that he was listening though so Howard said he was going to have to investigate. The caller was also asking Howard to come up with the sickest thing he could think of. Howard said ''I wanna fuck my sister in the ass.'' The caller said something about doing Robin with a barb wire dick but Howard figured he had him beat at his own game. The caller's lines were all lame so Howard ended up hanging up on the guy.
Mike said that he'd love to do a cartoon voice so Howard told him that he could use him as his sister in his cartoon. Mike also told Howard that he worked for ''Who Wants to be a Millionaire'' for a while but bailed out after 9/11 because he didn't know why he was there. Then he went to ABC News and worked there for a few years. He said he is able to get laid these days though. Howard said it must be tough to get laid with a voice like that. He said he's not sure what happened to his voice, it must just be genetics. Howard tried to get him to lower his voice but he doesn't like doing it. He sounded a little more normal when he did that but he doesn't want to do the voice all the time.
Artie told Mike not to worry about the voice, that's not what's holding him back, it's his looks. Howard continued to talk about Mike's voice even after telling Sal to get out of there. He and Artie were goofing on him relentlessly for a few minutes. Howard told Mike that he's going to use him for a bunch of stuff, he didn't even realize that he was there with them. Artie was pretending to be Kathleen Tuner while Howard was doing his impression of Mike. Artie did a really deep voice for Kathleen and goofed around with that for a few minutes.
Howard took a call a little later from a guy who said that the show has been better this past week because Sal and Richard haven't been on the show that much. He said that the gay stuff was going too far and it just wasn't that funny. He wants to hear funny stuff, not just gay stuff on the show. Howard ended the show around 11:05am.
Howard started off the show saying that they had Train coming in to perform a couple of songs to recreated what they've lost to Infinity. He said they've been re-recording a lot of old bits that they lost like Fred's ''I'm a Fake Cowboy'' Imus song and ''Homo-Cop.''
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's been listening to the show every morning since he started on there. He saw an ad for Howard coming to the service so he went out and bought a radio. Howard talked about how this is the kind of person the advertising department needs to go after because he's never even heard the show, but he knew he could tune in and hear something he's never heard. The caller said he listens right up until 8 or 9 in the morning and then tunes in later in the day after work.
Howard told the caller that this is the kind of guy he appreciates because he can pull in new audience members from all around the country. Now he doesn't have to convince his company to put him on in a market that they're not on in already. The caller asked if he could come up to the studio sometime. Howard said they'd take his name and have him up if he's ever in New York.
Howard had asked Danny if he was going to plan out anything for his show this week and Danny said no. He has no plans at all. Howard said he would sit Danny down and talk to him about coming up with some plans for the show and maybe they'll do something with him. There are a lot of things going on with his two channels and Danny would fit in just fine.
The guys spent a few minutes talking about how Danny got fired from the station he was working at. Plus, he probably didn't make much money from his VH1 show because it's was VH1 after all. Those types of channels don't usually pay very much for stuff like that.
Howard continued to read the article and Huff points out that there is no good explanation for the hype on the show because there are a lot of people who have Comedy Central and know about it, yet it still gets low ratings. Howard said he's not knocking Jon but he's wondering why they picked Jon to host the award show because there aren't that many people watching his show. Artie said that Jon does win Emmys all the time. He also wins Peabody awards but no one knows, or cares, about the Peabody.
Howard said that ABC sending him over there was probably to prove that Woodruff was the greatest anchor in the world. Sports teams don't take their best starters and throw them into a game two weeks before the super bowl, they know that they could get injured. Howard said that news organizations should think the same way about their reporters.
Howard got off of that subject and said that the weather in New York was crazy yesterday. He was running around in shorts because it was so warm out. He said that this could be the first summer/winter that New York has ever had. Robin said she's afraid that they're going to have snow in the summer if this keeps up. Artie said he was feeling kind of guilty walking around in such warm weather. Robin said he has no reason to feel guilty though. Howard said that it was 64 degrees in Central Park yesterday and it broke records for being so warm.
A listener called in and brought up the Jon Stewart thing again. That got Howard talking about how people don't even really watch the news these days. Some people claim they get their news from Jon's show and even Bill Maher's show but that's no true. People don't watch the news because most people don't care about that kind of stuff. Howard said that his show has an audience while shows like Jon and Bill's don't get half of what he can get.
Howard had an audio clip of a Black Pastor (Pastor Wilson?) freaking out about lesbians. He played the clip where the guy was talking about why families in the black community are breaking up. The guy thinks that it's because women are making more money than the men. He said that lesbians are taking over. He claims that his son told him that the girls in his class are almost all gay and the straight ones are both ugly. Artie said that they need to get a picture of the son who is probably so ugly that the girls just told him they were lesbians. The pastor was talking about putting unnatural things up the behind. Howard and the guys wondered what he was talking about because he was talking about lesbians and then he was talking about sticking things up the ass. Howard went to break after playing that.
Howard said that one of the bits they went and re-recorded was ''The Sounds of Kinison'' tribute song that Fred did shortly after Sam passed away. Howard played that song and it sounded even better than the original. Howard said that the song really moves him and he's glad it was re-recorded. He's sure that Sam would have loved the move to satellite and how great interviews would have been today if Sam was still around. He said they probably would have had to have locked Sam up in a cage if he was around though.
Howard said that there are news reports about his plastic surgery out now where they show the before and after pictures of his face. He said it's brutal but he did expect it after his revelation.
A phone caller told Howard that he has been listening to SIRIUS more than he even watches TV now. He can sit in front of his computer and listen to anything he wants when he's doing that. Howard said he was in a car dealer the other day and they were telling him that people were buying cars and just had to have the SIRIUS service. The caller asked Howard if they know how many subscribers they have. Howard said he doesn't know the exact numbers because SIRIUS hasn't given them an update lately. He said he doesn't want the information because he would probably go nuts if he had updates every day.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she's going on vacation but doesn't know how she can bring her radio. Howard told her to get a boombox unit. She said that she will probably buy her daughter a tuner. She also asked Howard when he will be available on the web. Howard said that they are working on upgrading the SIRIUS web site so they can handle the traffic and it should be available soon. They're looking to make it an effortless experience so everyone can listen.
The caller asked Howard if he has an update on when they will have a truly portable unit. Howard said he doesn't know about that but he's hoping that they hold off on it until they get it perfected, unlike XM who put out a unit that a lot of people aren't having much luck with (according to him). The woman on the phone said that 10 years ago she hated Howard but now she loves him. She said she thought he was racist and obnoxious but eventually came around.
The woman had an accent so Howard dug around and found that she's from Iran. She was afraid that Howard was going to hate her for that but he told her he hated her at the beginning of the call but had come around by the end of the call.
Howard had to take a break but he had a lot of stuff to get to. They had Chad Johnson coming up after the break and then Train was coming in to perform some songs for them. Howard took a phone call from a guy who saw Soupy Sales out at dinner one night and he was in sad shape. Howard told the guy that when he was picking on Soupy, he wasn't in that shape, but he knows that he shouldn't have picked on the guy back then. He said it wasn't Soupy's fault that NBC was treating him the way they were. The caller said he felt really bad for Soupy when he saw him. He's really aged and he's in really bad shape. The caller said the guy had to lift his head up out of the soup.
Howard took another call from a guy who complained that there is zero stereo effect on his show. He complained about Howard's channel and how some of the other channels aren't that well separated. Thom the Engineer told Howard that they are in stereo but the caller wanted him to test it out with a Led Zeppelin song. Howard played some of the song but he wasn't sure he wanted to go through the whole song. Thom ran the signal to the left side only to test it out with the guy. He found that it wasn't doing what they said it was but Howard hung up on him anyway. (The guy was right, there was no stereo effect.)
Gary said that Eric wants to come in on a very specific date because he doesn't live near an airport. Howard heard him speak for a few seconds and then said that he might limit Eric's show to 10 minutes instead of 30 minutes. Gary said that they want Eric to be part of the Wack Pack Revelations but his revelation is so bad they're not going to include him... So they're going to have him do his show on the 7th. Howard asked Eric if he would mind traveling in a box after finding out he's only about 70 pounds. Eric said he would mind that.
Gary said that Eric is demanding that they get Simon Cowell, Kelly Clarkson and some other people from the show to appear on his radio show. Howard told him that none of them are going to show up to do his show. Eric said that he was hoping to have some of them call in. Howard told him to get those people himself, it's his show. They're not going to bust their balls to help him produce his own show.
Howard and the guys were doing their impressions of Eric and goofing on him pretty relentlessly. Gary told Eric that they will call him today to have him fly in. Howard let him go after that and said he really has to take a break and stop taking phone calls. He and the guys spent a couple of minutes talking football and then went to break.
Howard took a call from a guy down in Alabama since they were never on down there. He said he was just calling in to let Howard know how great the show is. Howard went on to say that this is the kind of person the marketing people should be targeting. The guy said he never listened to radio for entertainment value until now. Howard said this is one of the reasons he went to satellite, so he can broadcast across the country to places where people could never hear him before. The guy told Howard that he's doing pretty much nothing out there in Alabama because he has a bad back. The guy is only 29 years old but he can't move around very well after having surgery on his back when he was 23. Howard let him go and moved to Lisa G.
Lisa G from Howard 100 News was there to give them an update on what they had coming up at Noon. Lisa said that Danny Bonaduce is a hit on Howard 100 so they'll have a report about the show he did yesterday. Lisa said they'll also be doing a report on this web site called ArtieLangeDeathWatch.com that has been up and running for about 3 years. She said the people who run the site love Artie and just want to help him. Howard said he thinks that Artie looks just fine these days. Artie said that they predicted that he would be dead at 37 and that was last year so he's playing on house money right now. Artie said that he's a little overweight right now but that's about it. He feels fine and as far as he knows, he's fine. He had a full physical over the summer and there were no red flags brought up.
Lisa said that they'll have a report about a sitcom that Rev. Bob Levy is looking to do called ''Miserable Men.'' Howard also said that Bob is going to be doing roast shows about once a month. The next person to be roasted will be Ronnie the Limo Driver. Howard wanted him to roast Penny Crone but Bob wanted to go with Ronnie so he probably knows what's best for the roast show.
Fred played Richard's ''Uptight Jew'' song about Ronnie which mentions the Escalade limo that Ronnie had built for him a couple of years back. That led to Howard talking about the limo and how it cost him about $40,000 to make up for what Ronnie lost on that deal.
Howard asked Chad if he's getting tons of pussy being in the NFL. Chad laughed and didn't answer. Howard read that Chad has 4 kids with 4 different women but Chad said that's not true. He said their information is wrong. Artie and Howard were asking him if he's ever had a white woman. Chad said he's never had a white woman and wouldn't know what that's like. Robin wondered why they didn't give him one when he was in college.
Chad said that he has 3 kids with one woman, not four with four different women. He said he's not ready for marriage yet and he's not even living with this woman. He said that when he's ready, he'll make that move. Howard asked him if he's dating a lot or not. Chad said ''not at all'' and told Howard that he's concentrating on the game. Howard bragged that his baby mama is white.
Chad was whispering to someone so Howard asked him who was there. Chad claimed there was no one there. Chad said that he wanted to come into the studio live sometime because he loves them. Howard asked Chad if he's in to the freaky sex stuff. Chad said he's not into that but then asked if Robin was married. Howard let him know that she's got a man but she's into some wild stuff.
Howard asked Chad what he thinks about the big game. Chad said he thinks that Pittsburgh is going to win because their defense is strong. He said he knows nothing about the point spread because he doesn't gamble. Chad said he doesn't think it will be a runaway game, it should be pretty close. Howard asked Chad what kind of chance there is of Aretha Franklin's tittie popping out at this year's game. He said he's pretty sure that won't happen.
Gary asked Chad if he's ever met any gay players. Chad said he's never come across any. Howard told Chad that they had Roy Simmons on the show recently and he said that there are probably 2 gay guys on each team in the league. Chad said he really knows of none so he can't comment on that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked him about his buddy who got busted on gun charges over the weekend. Chad didn't know anything about it. The caller said that Chris Henry was arrested for some gun charges down in Florida. Chad said that he didn't hear about that. Howard wanted the guy to read the article to him but he didn't have it. Someone brought it in for Howard a short time later so he read it himself. Chad hadn't heard about it before now so it was news to him. Howard said the article also says that Chad Johnson gets lots of pussy. Chad got a laugh out of that.
Chad got back to his predictions about the Super Bowl but Howard tried to steer him back to the Chris Henry story. Chad said that Chris did have a problem with getting caught with weed. Howard wondered if he ever saw Chris in the shower. Chad said he never saw that and doesn't know if he has a small penis. Howard had a theory that only guys who have small penises carry guns.
Artie was asking Chad for an over under of 47 points. Chad said that the game should be a low scoring game because both teams are defensive teams. So Chad was going with the Steelers on the under. Artie was talking about his coke possessions charges but Chad wanted to get back to talking about the Super Bowl. Chad asked Howard if he ever used drugs. Of course he has.
Howard took some phone calls from some fans who wanted to talk to Chad. One guy said he saw Chad with a white woman one time but Chad still insists he's only been with black women. Another caller asked Chad what kind of money he's making. Chad didn't want to talk about that on the radio. The caller told Howard that Chad once said that he likes movies like ''Chicago'' and ''Moulon Rouge'' so Howard wondered if he's really heterosexual. Chad said he is and he also likes movies like ''The Color Purple.''
Howard read about the deal that Chad has and talked about the kind of money he's making. Chad then invited everyone from the show to come down on Friday to a party that one of his team mates is throwing. He said that they would be great there at the party. Howard blew that off and took another couple of phone calls.
Ralph called in and asked Chad if he thinks their uniforms are ugly. Ralph said he thinks their uniforms are ugly but Chad said he likes their stuff. Artie asked the girls if they were done arguing about their clothes. Howard then asked Chad if he could sing some of the show tunes from the musicals he likes. Howard could hear a guy whispering to Chad so he asked him who that was. Chad said he doesn't know who that is and brushed off the question. Howard jokingly said he knows who that voice is, it's Chris Henry.
Howard took some more calls for Chad and let some people talk to him about their season. The caller was rubbing it in Chad's face that the Steelers were going to the Bowl while the Bengals aren't. Howard wrapped up with Chad a short time later. Chad told Howard that there will be a new commercial for Stunt City in the fourth quarter of the game that he wants Howard to watch. He said if he can't watch it, he should check it out at DegreeDeodorant.com. Howard figured he had an endorsement deal but Chad said he uses the product himself.
Gary came in with a story about Chad that he found. It said that Chad and his coach got into an altercation and Chad ended up putting him into a headlock. Chad said that story wasn't true though. He said nothing like that ever happened. Chad asked to come into the studio sometime so Howard told him they'll have to go to Scores sometime. He let him go but then got a note from someone who said that in the notes it says that Chad sucks his thumb a lot. It was too late to ask him about it though.
Howard let the clip play for a couple of minutes and the stripper insisted that his cock was curved and she wouldn't screw him no matter what. Ronnie was fighting back saying that he wouldn't do her with anyone's cock. Some of the girls were defending Ronnie and saying that he's a good, kind hearted person.
Ronnie told Howard that they taped for an hour and a half and that chick was completely wasted. He said they had wrapped up the taping when she told him that she was in the mood to get fired that night. Ronnie told her that he could help make that happen and that's what set her off. He said he thinks the Scores show will be great too. Howard had to take a quick break after that.
Howard said that the guys from Train were there in the studio and ready to play. Lead singer Pat Monahan came in a short time later so Howard said that he hates him because he's good looking. Pat said he hates Howard because he has all the talent and the money. Howard said that Beth always talks about how good looking he is when she sees him.
Howard asked Pat how things are going for him now. He said that his divorce is almost over and things are going much better than they were the last time he saw him. He's got a great girlfriend now and he's out of the relationship he was in before. They spent some time talking about that and Pat said that he waited about a year before he found this current girlfriend. He went out with a couple of women to get his feet wet but he doesn't like to go nuts dating a lot of women. He said he likes to have that bond with one woman. His band mates wanted him to date even more but he's not into that.
Howard asked Pat to bring in his girlfriend. The guys brought her in a short time later. Her name was Amber and Howard asked her what modeling agency she's with. She said that she's not with any. She said she turns 24 on Friday. Artie laughed when he heard that.
Amber said that she does want to marry Pat and she has met his ex already. Pat said that Amber's family were fans of the band and they all came to meet them one time. Pat said he saw her out in the crowd and asked one of his guys to pull her in because he just had to meet her. Amber had gone to the show with her parents. Howard played a song that he said Pat wrote for her and the lyrics were something like ''I wanna fuck the shit out of her...''
Pat said that Amber was actually engaged to be married so he actually stole her away from that guy. She said that she had to go home the night she met Pat and had to go back to her fiancee and tell him the wedding was off. She wasn't happy with the guy and told her mother that before she even met Pat.
Howard asked Amber when she told the fiancee that it was over. She said she told him the next week. Pat said that she wouldn't even let him kiss her until she knew that everything was done with the ex. Pat said that he's got a 13 year old son so Howard figures the kid must be whacking it to her because she's so hot. Pat said his son really thinks that he and Amber are peers. Artie said that's because they are peers. He also said that this chick has a perfect body. Howard asked her if her breasts were real. She said they were so Howard admitted that he was staring at them.
Howard said that Train has performed some songs on the show in the past but Infinity didn't let him take those songs to SIRIUS so he wanted them to recreate what they could today. He then had Pat and Brandon play ''Drops of Jupiter'' for them. Howard kept his mouth shut until after the song was completely over because back at K-Rock he would interrupt to early. Pat told Howard that he gets very nervous when he performs for him. Howard told Pat that they're really good and his girlfriend is obviously turned on by the performance.
Robin said that Amber and Pat were staring at each other though the whole song and they're obviously in love. Pat told Howard that Amber's family gene pool is amazing and they're all very good looking people. Amber said she has two sisters and people think that they're triplets. We found out that the piano player, Brandon, was also recently divorced so the guys were trying to set him up with one of Amber's sisters.
Amber said that her fiancee didn't handle the breakup very well. She said she had to move her stuff out before he knew about it. Howard took a few phone calls after that and one woman from Florida said that it was the best live performance she had heard. Another guy asked if Amber would show them her feet. Howard asked Amber to do that and she has good feet according to Howard. Amber said that Pat's son licked her toe the other day. Artie responded with a ''What the hell?'' and Pat said that there's a lot of stuff he doesn't know about.
After the song Howard asked Pat if he's ever met Steven Tyler from Aerosmith. He said that they did talk to him after they performed that song live one time for MTV and Tyler told him that their cover was the best cover of the song they had heard. Pat said he's also met Bruce Springsteen and Bruce was a big fan of theirs as well.
Ralph called in and said that he wants to see some pictures of this Amber chick. He said she sounds kind of unstable and he likes that. Howard noticed that she wasn't wearing a bra either. Gary said that he was in the In Demand studio and saw them pan up from her feet to her head as Pat was singing to her.
The guys also asked Amber about Pat's son licking her toe. She said they were watching TV and the kid just licked her toe. Pat told him that wasn't okay. Amber said it really wasn't as weird as it sounded. Howard had to wrap up with them but asked them to come back a little later to perform their new single. Howard told Amber to come in anytime but Pat told her she's not allowed to come there without him. They went to break right after that.
Howard had Jay Thomas drop in to say hello to them. Jay works there at SIRIUS on Channel 103 ''SIRIUS Stars.'' Howard asked him if he's enjoying working there. Jay said he does enjoy it and doesn't miss terrestrial radio at all. He said that people like Howard would come in and crush him. He also said that he used to listen to the program directors and play any music they suggested.
Howard said he remembers listening to Jay on 99X in New York and he was very excited that Jay was interviewing Dolly Parton. He said he must have been 16 or 17 because he was driving around at the time. He said he remembers liking the interview. Then he remembers Jay giving his address out when he got the job working on Mork and Mindy. He said that he was shocked that a radio guy was getting a job working on a TV show. He figured that Jay was going to be the star of the show after that.
Jay said he always wanted to be an actor or a comic but he was working in some dives down south. He said his girlfriend at the time is the one who suggested that he try out for the radio show. He said that he was terrible at the time and no one wanted him but he kept training and eventually got some work on radio. He said he went to a hight school football game and ended up doing some sports announcing which gave him some experience. Jay said he eventually got the job at 99X and then got an offer to do the acting. He then dumped his wife after telling her it was over because he was moving to California.
Howard talked to Jay about working on Mork and Mindy. Jay said that Robin Williams was a real asshole to work with. He remembers how Robin felt threatened by him and that led to him being written out of the script. Howard remembers those days because he was so excited to see a radio guy getting into the TV world. He didn't know what was going on behind the scenes. Jay said that Gary Marshall was the one who hired him and he got paid pretty well back then. He was motivated by the money and made a couple million bucks for not working all that hard.
Jay used to invest in food chain stores but he didn't make a lot of money on that. He did make money on real estate though. He's actually a Coldwell banker agent out in Santa Barbara, California. He has his own desk and you can even check out his latest property at CrestaAve.com.
Jay told a story about hanging out with Robin Williams back in the Mork and Mindy days. He was asked to go out and buy some coke for them even though he had never tried it. He did try it and then they went out to a club where Robin was going to meet some chick that he was dating on the side.
Howard interrupted and said that they had a picture of Amber up on the web site so people could check that out. Jay got back to the story and said that Robin was dating this woman by the name of Molly and there was all kinds of weird shit going on back then. He said that Robin was really hairy and always had body odor. Jay said he's probably jealous of him because of his success.
Jay told Howard another story about how he got fired for making a comment about Rhea Pearlman. He said he made jokes about how he really had to act to pretend that he was in love with her on Cheers. He said that he was goofing around with that stuff with people who would ask about what it was like to be with her. That led to him getting fired from the show and Bebe Neworth got hired instead of him. Artie said it was great the way they killed him off too. They had him get run over by a Zamboni. Jay remembers the call he got about how they were firing him and it was pretty crazy. They didn't even let him come back on the show. He almost had a recurring role on the biggest show on TV at the time.
Robin told Howard that they did a TV movie about Robin Williams' career and Jay's character was in the movie. Jay said that they had the guy who played Robin on his show and the guy was amazing. He played him exactly was he was off the air as well as on the air. Jay thought his performance was great. Jay said that he has run into Robin in the years after the Mork and Mindy thing and he tells his kids to call him Mork because he knows he hates that. He said he's also told them to call him Peter Pan if they don't call him Mork.
Howard asked if the guy who played Robin Williams in the TV movie smelled authentic. Jay jokingly said he did and they just dipped his shirt in camel piss to make him smell like Robin Williams did. Howard asked if it was true that Jay beat out Jay Leno for the part in Mork and Mindy. Jay said that was true and it was because they tested Leno out and found that his face scared children. Jay said he used to do Leno's show but doesn't do it anymore because he does Letterman.
Jay was talking to Howard about how their agent, Don Buchwald, calls him a great ''living room comedian'' but he's not sure what that means. Howard told Jay that he is the funniest guy he knows, off the mic. Jay said he heard Howard talking about him the other day and he was describing him as jumping around and being all hyper. That led to the two of them talking about what they're like off the air. Howard is very calm and almost like a Rabbi according to Jay.
Howard read some notes about Jay and found out that he used to be a ballroom dancer. That led to him asking Jay if he thinks that Stacy Keebler, on Dancing with the Stars, has a fair advantage since she was also a dancer. Jay thinks that's just fine. Jay said that he would never do that show if he was asked to do it. That led to Howard talking to Jay about the reality TV show he did called ''Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire.'' Jay said that he was one of the first guys to do a reality show like that.
Ralph called in and told Howard that Jay is the best guest that they've had so far. Howard said that Jay is only the second guest they've had so that's not that big of a deal. Ralph told Howard that he interrupted Jay when he was about to tell a story about going to that party with Robin. Jay said he's heard stories about the parties up in San Francisco so he assumed that Robin was part of the gay clubs up there because that's where he came from. Jay said that Robin would go out wearing those Mork suspenders and he would complain about being mobbed. Jay once suggested that he stop wearing the clown outfit and maybe they'll stop bothering him.
Jay told Howard about how Pam Dawber came up to him the night after he was with this other woman and she informed him that it was Robin's mistress' brother's fiancee that he had gone out with. There was some crazy stuff going on back then.
Jay was talking about how he got a vasectomy once. He said he got so loaded on Valium that he went to the wrong doctor's office on the way there. Then he went to the right place and the doctor stuck a couple of needles in his testicles and did the whole thing where they quarterized the stuff. He said the doctors told him that he would have less semen after that so now he has just a little gloop that comes out. He said that he now has to shake his dick around to shoot it all over the room. Jay has tried Viagra in the past so Howard asked him why he would have to take that. He said he's taken it so he can get hard immediately.
Howard gave Jay a plug for his show that airs from 2-5pm on channel 103. He does the show from California but some of the other guys on the show do it from other parts of the country. Jay said he used to do it from his house but now he does it from a location in Santa Barbara. Howard had to wrap up a short time later.
George Flowers from Howard 100 News came in to give a quick update on what they had coming up at Noon. George said that they'll be doing a story on the ArtieLangeDeathWatch.com web site. They'll also be playing some preview clips of Rev. Bob Levy's new show that he's working on.
Jon Hein from The Wrap Up Show was there as well so he gave the guys an update on what they'll be discussing on that show which airs immediately after Howard's show. Jon said they'll be talking about how they go about getting guests for the show. They'll also be talking about Jay Thomas and Train will be on the show to perform some more songs for them. That led to Howard giving Train another plug for their new album ''For Me It's You.'' Pat and the guys from Train were back in the studio so Howard had them perform ''Ramble On'' to recreate that great moment from his old show since he wasn't allowed to take the old tapes with him.
Howard spent a minute talking to Pat about how great he sings and how there was an article about the band that said their singer was ''weak'' but he didn't think that was the case.
Howard said the technology there is amazing. They actually have Train out in ''the fish bowl'' studio out in the middle of the entry of SIRIUS And that's where they were actually performing the song from. They were able to set up their equipment in there and get everything right. They were then on the air with Howard and it sounded like they were in the same room. Howard thought that Pat was a little mellow today and not as wound up as he's been in the past.
Howard and the guys were talking about Dave Chappelle during the news and Gary said they have him booked to come on, but it won't be for about a month or so. A little later Howard mentioned that Jenna Jameson and P. Diddy will be on the show tomorrow. They want to get Jenna to hop on the Sybian when she comes in. There was no mention of trying to get Diddy on that Sybian sex toy.
Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:00am... but after doing a commercial he spent another couple of minutes talking to Pat Monahan from Train who was in the other studio waiting to perform a couple more songs for the Wrap Up Show. Pat was telling Howard that he and his girlfriend Amber are doing it just about every day these days, at least once a day. Pat invited Howard and Artie to come to the Super Bowl with him but Artie had to turn it down because he has to be to work on Monday morning.
Howard eventually had Pat and the band perform their new single ''Cab.'' He asked what the song was about so Pat explained it was a metaphor for being lonely... like being the only cab on a Manhattan street. Howard gave the guys another plug for their web site and then let them perform their song.
Howard started off the show playing Robin's news theme with her singing some new lyrics. Robin warned him that it was horrible and she wasn't kidding. Howard said it was a home run though and it was a keeper for the show.
Howard said that Jim Florentine was joining them this morning but he couldn't find the right microphone for him. Gary told him it was microphone 4 but Howard wanted it marked as something that he would recognize better. He told Jim that he did a great job with the roast with Bob Levy last week. Jim said it was fun and he's already got jokes ready for the next roast of Ronnie the Limo Driver. Ronnie has already warned Jim that he'll have his own come backs for them when they do that, unlike Ralph.
Howard got back to Robin's news theme and played a little more of it. He liked the way she sounded in it and how she had her voice doubled up. He also liked the echo but told her they probably wouldn't get that far into the song when they play it before she starts her news every day.
There was one really fat guy who came in. Howard said he weighed about 9 million pounds and had about 5 asses. Howard was kind of pissed when he played a clip that had too much of the pre-interview of one of the contestants. He said he hates that JD can't edit that stuff. He stopped playing it because he was so upset with JD.
Robin said that the Match.com thing is geared toward women and he's giving them tips on how to keep a man from what she can tell. Howard said he's nothing but a ''greedy dick.''
The Pastor was also talking about people sticking things up their ass and how wrong that is. He went right from the Lesbian thing to the ass stuff so Howard wondered if he thinks that's what lesbians are into. The Pastor was talking about sticking things up there and how unnatural it is. As he was playing that Howard went into a remix of the lesbians song that they play on the show once in a while.
Howard said he'd like to hire this Pastor to do a Sunday morning service on Howard 100. He told Tim Sabean to find out who the guy is and book him for the channel.
JD said that he did the Supertwink movie and that was pretty rough. Howard said that JD didn't do anything in that movie and he wasn't doing them any favors. He said he probably loved the attention for doing that movie anyway so it was nothing for him. Howard also told JD that he wouldn't even be getting laid if it wasn't for them. Artie said that the show is responsible for getting him herpes. He was just kidding of course.
Jim Florentine told JD that Sal the Stockbroker is ruining his marriage for the show so he should be talking to Kissyphur for the show. Howard had her on the phone a short time later. He asked her how she was doing and she sounded pretty sweet to him. Kissyphur said that she talks to JD just about every day and they're friends now. Howard asked her if she can believe that he calls himself ''Da Bad Ass'' (DABA) when he's online. He also asked her what the creepiest thing he's ever asked her was. She said JD did once ask her if she had a dog so it could do something to her.
Gary said that Kissyphur wouldn't give them a lot of details about what JD does but she did say he likes to be aggressive. Howard said that's because he hates women. JD said he doesn't hate women but the guys think that he must because he has to call and pay $2.95 a minute to talk to them. Jim said that if he's asking her to bring a dog into it then he does hate women.
Howard asked Kissyphur if she'd do this thing on the air with JD. She said she would do it but she's not working right now. Jim asked her if she could go put her working clothes on for them. Howard tried to get her to do something but she kept saying that she wasn't working. Howard wanted her to get on the camera so he could watch as JD was doing his thing.
Kissyphur told Howard that she only works when she feels like it so she's only on 4 or 5 nights a week. Howard wondered how JD knows when she's online. Artie said he has a beeper in his balls. Kissyphur told Howard that she works for a company that pays her pretty well. They give her 60 percent of what they take in. The guys figured it would be less than that so it was surprising to hear that she was making that much.
Kissyphur told Howard that she once had a guy talk to her for a full hour and a half so she made some decent money with that. She said that brings her over a hundred dollars after the 40 percent is taken. She was also telling Howard that the guys who call her are probably beating off even before they call her. Howard told JD that he's kind of pathetic if he's doing this stuff for 20 minutes at a time.
Kissyphur said that JD doesn't call her all that often so when he does call, they have a lot of sexual tension built up. Howard figures that JD probably blows his load within 5 minutes or so after calling her. Howard wanted to know about the sexual tension so Kissyphur said that she would tease JD a little bit before getting into that stuff.
Howard asked Kissyphur if JD is the ugliest client that she has. She said he's not the worst, she has seen much worse than JD. Howard told JD not to be offended because he's ugly, just like he is. He was also telling JD that he doesn't have much self esteem so JD told him that this doesn't help.
Kissyphur told Howard that she and JD would message each other on AOL chat-type services for free sometimes. Kissyphur's phone went dead at one point so Jim said ''Our time's up!'' after that happened. Howard was upset that he lost her. Gary said that they've been having some problems with the phone this morning so it wasn't much of a surprise.
Howard told JD that he seems to be allocating his limited funds in the wrong places. He could get a hand job for $40 from a hooker instead of chatting with some chick online. JD said he's afraid of getting caught with a hooker. Howard said that all of his phone lines were dead so Gary told him they just noticed that. Howard wondered if the technical crew there works for XM or something.
Jim was asking JD how long he lasts on that chat thing with Kissyphur. JD said he can sometimes last through most of the 20 minutes he spends on there. Robin said that JD must think that he's getting these girls off while he's on with them so that's why he stays on so long.
Kissyphur was back on the phone a short time later. Howard asked her how many customers she actually has. She said she has a lot of regulars. She also said she can live on what she's making just fine. Robin didn't think she could possibly live on that kind of money but she said it's enough. Kissyphur said that she just has to do some acting on camera and it's not like actually having someone in the room. She also let them know that she has a boyfriend. Howard figured JD didn't know that but he claims he did.
Howard wanted to do some phone sex stuff with Kissyphur so he asked her what she was wearing. She described her lingerie and said that she was barefoot, 5'10'' tall with 36 DDD breasts. Robin told Howard that JD was just about finished at this time. Artie said that 510 is probably her weight. Howard kept going and asked her a few more questions about what she looks like. He saw that she has red hair so Artie asked her if she has red hair down below. She said she keeps it shaved down there but it is auburn when it grows in.
Howard wanted to turn the phone over to JD but JD said he wasn't going to do it. Howard told him to stop being a little bitch and just do it. He told the TV crew to lower the lights so JD could get into it. He also wanted JD to turn to the wall so they wouldn't be looking at them. Howard told all of the guys to hide under their respective consoles so JD would feel alone. Kissyphur and JD then started to do their thing. Kissyphur was asking JD what he was wearing after saying that she put on some nipple clamps. You could hear Artie laughing under the console.
Howard told JD to keep going. Kissyphur was messing around with a toy that was about 17 inches long. JD wasn't doing anything so Artie took over and told her to spit on it and shove it in her ass. He was really getting into it so Howard told him to calm down because he had popped up from under his console. Howard told Kissyphur that they have to set up a meeting for JD online so they could have him do it for real. They wanted to set her up for tomorrow at 8:30 their time. She's out on the West Coast so it was kind of early in the morning. She said she could do that. She also said that things won't be the same if he does it there on air. She said they have a lot of fun when they do it privately so this could be kind of lame.
Howard wondered if JD was crying over there. JD said he's not used to this kind of thing in front of so many people, possibly millions. Howard told him that there aren't millions listening, they're on satellite. Gary told Howard that they have a picture of Kissyphur in action with another woman. Howard saw her and said that she's a big woman. JD could only say ''uh, yeah.'' Jim asked him if the $2.95 was figured per pound. Howard figured she must be at least 170 pounds. JD said there are worse (women) out there.
The guys continued to goof on JD about the phone sex thing. Howard told him that this thing is going to be hot when they do it. JD knows it's not going to be hot. Howard sent him back to his office to find some more TV clips for them. He went to break right after that.
Howard asked Jim Florentine if he's going to be part of the next roast. Jim said he will and Bob Levy will be bringing on some other people like Nick DiPaolo who is great at roasting people. Artie said he'll also be getting in on the roast officially next time. The next person to be roasted will be Ronnie the Limo Driver.
Tim Sabean said that Danny wasn't anywhere near a million dollar radio guy but he was probably making some good money. Howard figures that the house Danny has out in L.A. probably just looks bigger on TV than it actually is. Howard knows that VH1 isn't paying them anything.
Lisa G from Howard 100 News was in to give the guys an update on what they had coming up for the news at Noon. She said there was an arrest in the investigation into the death threats against Chaunce Hayden. Howard said he sees Chaunce going on TV talking about his death threats and no one else goes out and does interviews about stuff like that. He played a clip of Chaunce talking about the threats. Most people would keep it quiet and downplay it a bit. In the news report the reporters talk about the way Chaunce dissed the show and then got tons of mail from people who hate him. He also says he got some death threats from those fans.
Howard said there's no reason for Chaunce to be talking about this on TV. He's just looking to get his name out there along with his. Chaunce had done an interview with Neil Cavuto a couple of weeks ago and that's what led to all of this because he was bashing SIRIUS and bashing Howard. Chaunce said that the radio show is more than just a radio show, it's become a religion to some. He even compared himself to John Lennon while talking about how seriously death threats should be taken.
Howard said that the guys who are making those death threats are just dopey dudes sitting there on the internet. He said they do have to take that stuff seriously but he's pretty sure none of them were serious. Howard said that even though he thinks that Chaunce is a creep, he doesn't deserve the death threats.
Lisa G told the guys that they'll be doing a report about KC getting out of rehab. She said they'll be talking about Jason and Will and how they're finally going their own separate ways instead of living together for a while.
Howard got back to the Dr. Phil discussion he was having earlier in the morning. He read an article about this Match.com partnership. There was a report about Match.com and how they're in trouble for allegedly fooling their members into staying with the service by sending out phony e-mails.
Howard played the new version of the ''retarded flu'' prank call where Gary falls for it each time. They have Gary change his voice to avoid getting the flu over the phone. Gary believes that he can catch the flu over the phone so Richard pretends to be the flu while Sal tells him that he needs to disguise himself to avoid getting it. They jerked him around and had him speaking in fake Spanish. Jim Florentine said that they jerk Gary around when they have him out on the road. They once had Sal call a pay phone pretending to be Howard and having Gary jumping up and down and yelling in the middle of an airport.
Howard had the audio from Train's performances from yesterday's show. He played some of their ''Calling All Angels'' performance and then read some other e-mail. He said they got a lot of comments about Pat from Train's girlfriend Amber. Some people thought she was hot. There was also some great feedback about their performance of ''Dream On'' that they did during the show. Howard played some of that performance and read some other mail about their other performance of ''Drops of Jupiter'' which they also played.
Howard and the guys talked about Amber for a short time and how great she looked. Artie said she might be the hottest chick that's ever been in the studio. Howard said there were some people who didn't like Pat and Amber on the show. He read some mail about that and how Benjy ruined some of the pictures of Amber that they posted on Howard's site.
Howard read through a bunch of other emails about the show and about the SIRIUS service. There was some discussion about the stereo effect that went on during the show yesterday. Gary was told by Thom that if people are listening with an FM modulator, the stereo effect won't always come through as true stereo. Howard was fine with that explanation.
There was some feedback about Jay Thomas' appearance on the show and a lot of people thought he made for a great interview during the show. There were some e-mails about the remakes of the songs that they've been doing on the show lately. Some people have been enjoying them quite a bit.
Howard said he got a lot of mail from fans of Jon Stewart who were defending him after they discussed him on the air yesterday. Howard said he likes Jon but he hates that he's getting so much press and that people think that the whole country is watching his show when that's not the case. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard heard that Jenna is advising girls not to do Bukkake movies and things like that. She told Howard that the girls have to work their way up from being small to the big time. Jenna said that she never did anal films and only did the things that felt good on camera. She said that the anal stuff wouldn't feel good on camera so she would never do that or an anal gang bang. She said that's not how you make the money in the business. She said that the girls should start out doing girl/girl and work their way up from there.
Jenna said that the girls will have a life of about a year in the business if they get pissed and shit on. Howard asked Jenna what the craziest thing she ever did was. She wasn't sure what she could say on the air. Howard told her she's on satellite now so she can say anything. Howard told her to remove her pants because they are on satellite now. She refused to do that but she told Howard that she recently did a scene with Bella Donna and she's almost always the top girl in the sex. Jenna said that she shredded her though.
Florentine told Howard that Jenna tried to drag his girlfriend into the bathroom out in Vegas last year to have sex with her. He said he was upset that they were going to leave him out of it. Jenna said that she loves to have sex in the bathrooms out in Vegas.
Howard and Jenna talked about her husband and the giant rock she had on her finger. She said it was a 9.5 carat diamond. While they were talking about that Jenna mentioned that she was in a bathroom with Jenny McCarthy one time. Howard was kind of surprised to hear that Jenny goes that way. Jenna said that they've been friends for a long time. Then someone came in and showed Howard a picture of Jenna that they had up on the web site. It ruined the discussion so Howard told Jenna that he wants her to sit on this Sybian sex toy they have there. Jenna said that she's done that before and it's really intense, maybe too much.
Howard got back to the Jenny McCarthy story and asked her more about that. He said he has to see the two of them together and wants her to invite him to their next session. He also said that he doesn't want to be mentioned in her next book if she does that. Howard asked Jenna if she's still locked up in a lawsuit about her last book. Jenna said she is and she's kind of bummed out about that because she really liked Judith Regan who she's now suing.
Howard told Jenna about how Judith Regan once shoved an ice cube up his ass. He was sitting at a table with some lawyers and she shoved an ice cube down his pants while they were at the table. Jenna said that's a pretty crazy thing to do. Howard said that he and Judith had that kind of relationship though.
Howard asked Jenna if she's ever refused another woman before because of smell. Jenna said she has and she does ''the finger test'' on them to check them before doing it. She said she politely tells them that she can't be with them if they stink. Jenna got back to her Jenny McCarthy story but got a bit sidetracked after she mentioned Courtney Love. Howard asked her if she ever did her. Jenna said she never did but she liked Courtney. Jenna told Howard that she and Jenny were hanging out at a lingerie party one time and they were dancing together and having a lot of fun.
Howard was going nuts as he heard this story about Jenna and Jenny. Jenna said that Jenny's husband was there and was enjoying watching them. Then she and Jenny went into a bathroom to mess around in private. She said the bathroom was packed but they didn't care. Jenna said ''that's Vegas'' but Howard told her that might be Vegas for her, but it's not like that for him. Jenna said that she and Jenny kind of just pulled panties off to the side and messed around. She said that she was really nervous when that was going on though. Jenna thinks that she's become a bit of a prude over the years.
Jenna told Howard that she kind of leaned back against the wall while Jenny got right to it and licked her. She said she was too nervous to go much further. She said it was super hot but she didn't return the favor to Jenny. She said she wasn't able to stop thinking about it for months after that. She did call Jenny a couple of times after that. Then they met again at an event at the Hard Rock where both of them were hired to host a Halloween party. Jenna said that they were dressed as the devil and an angel. Howard said he had to beat off after hearing that. Jim said he had clear stuff coming out of his dick.
Howard asked Jenna how she and Jenny finally hooked up. She told Howard that they went into some secluded booths that they had there at the Hard Rock. They were in the booth and Jenny looked over at her with her legs apart. She went over to her and messed around with her hands. They did that for hours and both of them came. Jenna said it was their last time seeing each other. She said that Jenny is a really sexy girl. Howard didn't know that she went both ways like that.
Howard gave Jenna a plug for her Jenna Bowl party that she's holding on February 3rd. You can find out more at VividClubJennaBowl.com. Howard then asked Jenna if she was willing to get on this Sybian thing they had in the studio. She saw it and thought it was pretty small. Howard played her some clips from the tape that came with the unit where they instruct people on how to use it. Jenna said she didn't want to do it because there was insertion involved. She said she can't do insertion. Gary told her that they have a bunch of attachments for the unit. There is a vibration attachment and it sounded like a lawn mower as Gary tried it out.
Jenna said she would do it if she could keep her panties on. Howard sent her right over to the Sybian and described it as a vibrating butt plug type thing with all kinds of attachments. It had never been used since Howard got it for his birthday a couple of weeks ago. Howard told Jenna she looked great in her black panties. Jenna said she was scared sitting on the thing but she made some adjustments before Gary turned it on. Gary started it off slow and Jenna started moaning a few seconds later. She asked him to speed it up a bit and sounded like she was enjoying it. She said that it's really strong. Gary said that it was only on at about an 1/8th of what it could do. Jenna was squealing but she was afraid that she was going to break it.
Howard asked Jenna not to fake anything and to let it happen if she could. Jenna was short of breath and claimed that she actually had an orgasm. She finished within a couple of minutes. Richard said it was great for him too. Jenna told Howard that it was great but she was out of breath. She told Howard that she was kind of numb from it.
JD told Howard that P. Diddy was out watching in Gary's office and seemed to like it. Howard had the guys bring him in to meet Jenna. Diddy said he came on the right day and asked Jenna to stick around during his interview.
Howard had Jenna sit down with Diddy. He said she looks like she just had sex with an army of men. She said that she did. Howard wondered if Jenna has ever been with a black man before. She said she had so Diddy told her that he's worth over $500 million but later said he was just kidding. The guys were really stunned by Jenna's performance so they continued to talk to her about what had just gone on.
Howard asked Diddy about what's going on with him. He said that everything is great but he still had his arm around Jenna. Howard knew that Diddy wanted her. Howard asked Jenna if she had her boobs enlarged because they looked so good to him. She said she actually had them decreased in size. Howard told Diddy about Jenna's appearance in his movie ''Private Parts'' and how she used to walk around the set naked. Jenna asked Howard if she could leave because she had some slightly wet panties to get rid of. Howard gave her another plug for Jenna's party and Diddy let her know that he was going to stop by the party this weekend.
Howard read a story about Diddy's crazy parties and asked him what kind of wild stuff he used to have going on at his house. He said he used to freak out his neighbors out in Scarsdale, New York when he would fill up his pool with a bunch of nice young ladies. He said he had a good time with those ladies back then. Diddy thanked God for all of that great things that he's had in his life. The guys thought that was kind of funny because he was thanking God for the orgies he's had.
Howard let Jenna go because she looked like she was really worn out. The guys spent some time talking about that. Howard said they'll be putting that on his TV channel eventually. Diddy said that's something people have to see. The guys then got into some other discussions about what's going on with Diddy. Howard asked him when he last spoke to Jennifer Lopez. He said it was just a couple of months ago and he's still friendly with her and her husband Marc Anthony.
Diddy told Howard that albums are selling like crazy and he's got another Notorious B.I.G. album out now. Howard couldn't believe they put out another one so many years after he was killed. Diddy said this is the final album for him. Diddy said that if he knew who killed Biggy, they would take care of it... legally of course. He said that it was done very professionally and no one is talking about who actually did it.
Diddy said he was actually there when it happened so he gave Howard a couple of details. He said he was in the car behind Biggy when it happened and he didn't see who it was. Diddy said he doesn't know how many bullets he took and he doesn't want to know. It was someone he really loved and that kind of stuff isn't something he thinks about. Diddy said he didn't even see the car that pulled up along side of the vehicle when Biggy was shot. Jim asked Diddy about how Biggy's family is suing the L.A. Police Department. Diddy said he doesn't know all of the details about that though.
Diddy was in to promote his new fragrance Unforgivable which is out now. He said he came up with something that doesn't smell like your grandfather. It's got a clean smell to it. He said it's not all that expensive at $55. Robin thought that was kind of expensive but Diddy didn't think it was that bad. Sal came in and asked Diddy if he could pick out his own cologne. Howard told Sal not to fuck with him because that won't fly. Sal gave him the swatches and had him smell a few different things. Diddy said that it was none of the above. Sal said he made the swatches yesterday... That's why there was no smell on them. Howard went off on him but Sal said that the Unforgivable stuff was $300. Diddy said that was a special edition, the regular stuff is $55.
Gary told Howard that Diddy really had to get going so they got in some more plugs for the cologne. Diddy asked Howard to please call him whenever they do stuff like they did with Jenna earlier this morning. Howard told him he would. He also thinks that he's going to bang Jenna now. Diddy said he won't be doing that.
Howard and Gary talked about how crazy the Jenna thing was with the Sybian. Howard wanted to say goodbye to her but he thought she was gone. Will told him that she was still there. Howard then said he was going to take a break so he could say goodbye to her.
Howard asked Jim about what happened to Crank Yankers. Jim said the show is on hiatus right now so it's probably off the air. He said the show was kind of expensive to produce but Howard found that hard to believe. He then reminded everyone that he's going to be on up in Canada starting next week. Then he went off on Sal about his screwed up bit during the Diddy interview. Sal said that he didn't have money to get the cologne. He tried to explain himself but Howard didn't want to hear it. He told Sal he didn't do the right thing and didn't do the job the right way. Sal said he didn't want to spend $1,400 on perfumes to do the bit. Howard said he shouldn't have worried about that and should have made it happen.
Gary told Sal that he should have just admitted he screwed up and left it at that. Sal was screaming about the way he was being treated in there after screwing up just one bit. Howard told him to get out but he was still yelling off mic. Richard Christy told Howard that he would take care of the bit next time they do something like that.
Robin wondered if Howard is happy with his birthday present, the Sybian, now that he's seen it in action. Howard said he really likes it.
Danny was back on the phone so Howard talked to him about where he's getting his money these days. Danny said he had about $1,500 on him in the city. He said the house he has on the TV show is his house. Danny told Howard that he has a lot of money and made $1.2 million when he was working out in L.A. He said he calculates his net worth every couple of hours to keep track of that stuff. His house is worth about $3 million or so.
Danny told Howard that at the age of 12 he was one of the most famous people in the country, then at 17 he was selling his plasma for money to buy crack. Howard told Danny that it sounds like his family life was a mess and that's what leads to him thinking that everything he does is going to fail. Danny said that now that Howard has done him this favor of putting him on the air, he would be willing to do anything for Howard. He said he'd even whack a guy for him if he wanted.
Danny and Howard talked about his net worth and Danny said that he figures he's worth about $4 million because his wife is really good with money. He said his wife isn't a big spender but he is. He said the motorcycle he crashed on was something he saw on a commercial and went right down to the dealer to buy. He said that the money he makes at VH1 doesn't even put gas in his car.
Danny said that he's enjoying the show he's been doing this week and really likes the partner he has. He said that he's never liked anyone he's worked with but this woman he actually does. He also said that the producer for the show has been pretty good but he just realized this morning that they haven't talked about the upcoming Academy Awards or the Super Bowl so maybe he's not that good.
Robin asked Danny about his wife and how he insists that they don't have good sex. Danny said that's true but he really loves that woman even if she doesn't give him good sex. Danny said he likes being taken care of by Gretchen. He told Howard that the last time he cheated on her was 2 and a half years ago and the sex was amazing. He said that the woman really put some effort into it unlike his wife. Howard asked him how far he can go before it's considered cheating. Danny said that he recently got caught doing some weird stuff on line with about a dozen women. He was telling Howard that his wife figured out his password which was swine46. He said he had all kinds of weird passwords like godless2, soulless1, drunk46 and stuff like that. Howard said he could see the pattern there with the passwords.
Benjy called Danny's show yesterday to get some tips on using steroids. That led to Danny talking about how he could do a show about fitness on Howard's channels if he wanted. He's a certified trainer so he could do something like that.
Howard was going to wrap up with Danny but they ended up getting into a discussion about D-list celebrities like Robin Givens and John O'Hurley. Danny thinks that if Givens and O'Hurley can have a hit Broadway play, he should have one as well. He said he thinks that Givens is the reason that Mike Tyson is as nuts as he is these days and he's not a fan of hers.
Howard reminded everyone that Danny has a show on Howard 100 that airs from 1-4pm this week. Danny said that it all depends on what kind of money he gets but he could work there at Howard 100. Howard asked him if he'd be up for doing a show for an hour or so. Danny said he could do that and if it's interesting enough, and pays some bills, he'd take it. Howard wanted to know exactly what Danny is doing in his spare time up in his hotel room. Danny told Howard that he was out at a gay bar last night and met a chick who will probably be coming on his show today.
Danny and Howard were talking about porn you can rent in a hotel room. Danny said he had to change the channel when room service came to his room and lost out on the ten bucks worth of porn he was watching. Howard wrapped up with him and let Danny go a short time later.
Howard took a call from a woman in Philly who said that they can't afford satellite radio. Howard told her that it would cost her $.43 a day and about $50 for the radio. She didn't know that but said that they really don't have a lot of money right now. She said that they have only one car, she eats a sandwich for lunch and they don't buy any CDs, watch movies or buy cigarettes. They do go out drinking once in a while. Howard said that she could go to the bar and sell 2 hand jobs to pay for a tuner. Howard told her about a deal they had for a $30 tuner on SIRIUS' web site. He also told her that there has to be an extravagance she can trade for the SIRIUS. He told her to check out SIRIUS.com to get the radio. She said she'll have to check into that.
Howard was still checking out the Jenna pictures and talking about how great the Sybian turned out to be. He played some of the audio from the video that they got with the unit and goofed around with that for a short time. He gave Jim some plugs for his stuff and then went to break a short time later.
Howard said he really likes the power that his news team has and now he's thinking about sicking them on some people who have been jerking him around. George said that as long as there's a story there they'll be on it. George said they do have Penny Crone and Steve Langford to look into stuff like that.
Jon Hein from The Wrap Up Show was on to give them an update on what they would be discussing on that show. Jon said they'll be talking about Jenna Jameson and her history with the show. Howard said that she went up a notch or two in his book after doing that Sybian thing when she was in. He and the guys talked about that for a short time. Howard then gave a quick run down of what they have on Howard Stern On Demand this month. They have stuff like...
Howard reminded everyone that the Intern Show will be back tonight with a fresh show. Steve the Intern gave them an update on what they had coming up on that show. Howard said he likes when they have former interns on the show and he was fascinated when they did that last week. Howard said he'd give then a 10 for that feature on the show. Steve said that Mike Gange will be on this week. Howard told him that he should investigate how Mike dated tons of interns and got away with it. Steve said they also got a hold of the Bloodhound Gang's Jimmy Pop about his failed attempts at becoming an intern on the show.
Mike Gange said that he'll have a lot of stories for the show tonight about what went on back in the old days when he was an intern. Howard said he wishes that he'd talk about that stuff on his show. Howard reminded the guys about some of the things Mike screwed up over the years. He once slept with a porn star while working for the show and also sent a porn tape to some friends of Howard's. Howard said he couldn't even make up a story like that.
Howard had Mike record a bunch of videos for some friends of his but Mike didn't bulk erase the tape before putting them on tape. Howard said the woman was dying, in the hospital, and she wanted to see Seinfeld. He asked Mike to create and ship out the tape. Instead of Seinfeld, they got a porn tape. They never called him to thank him so he called and asked about it. That's when they told him that they received a porno. Howard wants to know why Mike is still working for him after that screw up.
Gary said that Mike claims that Howard was too cheap to use a new, blank tape back then but Howard said that was bullshit because he had tons of blank tapes back then. Howard told Mike to get out of there and got back to Steve. He told Steve he's doing a good job on that show. Artie said he's being much nicer to the interns these days because he's so afraid that they're going to talk about them on The Intern Show. The Intern Show airs tonight at 7pm on Howard 100. Steve said it re-airs at 10pm on Howard 101.
Howard played some out takes from his recording session for ''My Radio Niggas.'' He had some problems getting through the verses that the guys all wrote for him. They were updated from when they last recorded the song back in about 1999. Howard played the updated song and it's quite different than it was back then. Howard wondered why Robin wasn't in the song. She said she was never in the old song either so it was kind of strange. Howard took another quick break after that.
Robin told Howard that she was told that she just had to have one of these hot DJs for her party so that's what she did. She booked another guy to do the party. She said that the guy didn't do all that great of a job because he didn't have everyone getting up to dance. She said it cost her a lot of money to set up his equipment and the guy didn't even play good music that night. Jim said that they could have had Scott the Engineer DJ the party for about $75.
Scott came in and said that if the guy just played songs that people know, he could have had them dancing. Scott used to do that but gave up on it after having problems with the Brides, Grooms and their families. Gary also reminded him that he was beat up by a bunch of 5 year olds one time. Scott said that's actually what ended his DJ career.
Howard said he thinks that Nicole Richie is the hottest thing right now. Robin said she's way too skinny and emaciated. Artie said he couldn't bang her either but Jim said he finds her hot just like Howard does. The guys talked about that and then Howard was talking about how he thinks his girlfriend is still in great shape now because she worked out so much when she was a kid. He was also saying that Coretta Scott King was pretty ripped and that may be because she used to have to pick 200 pounds of cotton when she was young.
Howard spent a couple of minutes talking about Jim's girlfriend who stays pretty skinny. Jim said that she just got new implants recently and she's staying pretty skinny. He also gave the guys more details about her run in with Jenna Jameson out in Vegas. He said that his girlfriend didn't want to be with Jenna because Jenna was to aggressive. Jim said that sometimes it's too much for him. She still rubs guys balls when she meets them though. Howard said it's time to get rid of her when she stops doing that.
Jim thought that his girlfriend never grabbed Artie's balls but Artie said that's not true. She gave him a poke in the dark at a movie premiere one time. He said he remembers Jim laughing when she was poking at his groin. Howard had Robin start her news after that.
Robin said that no one has ever done anything like that for her in her whole life. Gary said that her eyes were kind of misty right then and she said it was shocking to have something like that. Jon Hein wondered what it was that she thought Howard wanted to talk to her about. Gary jokingly said ''Did you hear that sound? That was Jackie having a stroke...''
Robin said that people don't understand how much fun they've had over the years. She said they get paid to have a blast every day and she never expected a car from Howard. She said Howard has already done far more than anyone else would ever do for her. She was very emotional and couldn't express the way she really felt today. She rarely feels this way about anything.
Ronnie the Limo Driver came in and said he saw Robin crying down there and Howard was so excited to have done that for her. They met at the Mercedes dealer on Saturday and picked out just the right car for her. Robin figured it was going to be something small but it turned out to be this car.
Robin said that Howard walking through the door of his surprise birthday party was the best reaction she's ever gotten out of Howard in all the years she's known him. Gary said that it was almost like the first time Robin threw him a party when he was just as surprised. The guys had to take a break during that discussion.
A little later, after the break, Ronnie asked her about the color combo on this car Howard got her. She said she usually likes silver but she loves black. She always had black before getting an Audi TT in silver one time. She said she loves this car in black. Ronnie said there was a lot of arguing about whether or not to get black or silver. Robin said they made the right choice with the black.
Gary said that Robin always came driving up in some wild cars and he never knew that she owned them. Robin told Gary that this car is great because it's got a hard top that folds down to make it a convertible. She said she loves that she'll have this car because it's so easy to move the top. The guy from Mercedes is waiting for Robin as she's doing this interview. She was very nervous about it and had to drive the car home herself. She was ready to drive the car home and may put the top down today with the heat on high.
Robin said that she's really into these cars and had a Corvette Z06 on order. She's not sure what to do now that she has this car so Ronnie told her to sell her old Corvette because the Z06 is going to be worth a lot more money than the old one. A listener called in and said that his car just broke down the other day and he figured that Robin could help him out by giving him one of those.
Another caller mentioned that Robin has a Lexus Hybrid SUV. Robin said that vehicle is great because it gets such great mileage. She also said that this show is great because we get to hear about the stuff that goes on behind the scenes. Robin said she wanted to get this story on the air as soon as she could while she's still emotional.
A caller asked Robin what's going on with her TV talk show. She said that the show is on hold right now but they have plenty of work to do there. Benjy called in and told the guys that he got Robin a gift for Christmas too... Some sweet smelling soaps. One caller told the guys that this conversation was really boring so they should move on. They did move on a short time later.
Howard just caught the end of the Adam Sandler bit and wasn't sure if it was funny or not but he heard a lot of cursing in it. Artie said that Sandler's albums are all filled with cursing and are like NC-17 rated.
Howard moved on and said they had a lot of stuff coming up today. They'll be talking to Eric the Midget about his ridiculous demands for his radio show. John the Stutterer shot a porno film and he'll be in with some of the chicks. He said he saw some of the movie and it's one of the most disturbing things to watch. He said you feel really bad for the girls he's with. He gets a hand job in one scene and he was fine but then he had to do the chick and he went limp so he went down on her instead. He was saying some very strange things to the girls as well.
JD and Kissyphur will be doing their thing today but Howard heard that JD is kind of bummed out that they want him to demonstrate what he does with her online. JD came in and said that he had a camera in his face after the show yesterday. He knows that he's going to have song parodies and things after the doing the bit today. Howard told him to just put that stuff out of his mind. He told JD that the more air time he gets, the more bitches he'll get. Howard asked the guys what the name of John the Stutterer's porn flick was. He figured it had to have a strange name.
Howard explained how he took Robin down to the garage and told her how he felt about her. They were standing there in the garbage and he told her that he bought her something as a thank-you to her. He said he had waiting there a Mercedes Convertible... an SL500 (about $93,000). He said he got it loaded with everything he could and it comes with SIRIUS as a standard feature. Artie said he's trading in his Mercedes in a couple of months and he can't wait to get the SIRIUS standard in the vehicle.
Howard asked Robin if the radio had the SIRIUS scroll on the screen. She wasn't sure about that but didn't think it had it. Robin said that when Howard brought her downstairs she saw a dumpster and a car and figured Howard had something waiting in the dumpster for her. She had no idea it was the car sitting there.
Robin's car is black with a graphite interior and she's very happy with the color. Howard said that it was the best feeling in the world to give her a gift like that. He asked Robin what she thought he was going to give her. She said she didn't know what was down there. Artie said that the only people that know there's a garage down there are Howard and Martha Stewart.
Ronnie came in and said that he has a SIRIUS tuner in his limo and he thinks that Robin's tuner should show the scroll. Robin said the car is great and the seats feel really good when you slip into the car.
Ronnie told Howard that he went for a ride with Artie one time and he'll never ride with him again. He said that they almost hit a dumpster that day. They went from Caroline's to Scores in record time and they didn't stop for any red lights. They took a chick for a ride and when they got to the club, she had to run into the bathroom to throw up.
A caller asked if Robin was going to show her cans now that she got this gift. Robin said she would only show Howard if she showed them at all. Doug Goodstein came in and told Howard that he was in the car with Artie that night and it was an insane trip. He was doing about 80 that night and going through red lights like crazy.
Howard said that Robin was very emotional after getting the car. She said her whole day was thrown off because of the car. She had plans to go home, work out and then rest. The whole day was thrown off after that. She said there was a Mercedes salesman there who went over every aspect of the car with her and it was like a 2 hour demonstration.
Robin went on the Wrap Up Show after the radio show yesterday and talked to Gary and Jon Hein about the car. He played an audio clip of what happened there and she was still very emotional. Howard said that she looked like she had just gotten f'd by him. Robin said that the whole thing was mind blowing to her. Robin explained to the guys how Howard took her down to the basement and gave her the car. (more details about the Wrap Up Show).
Howard jokingly told Robin that this was just a rental car that was going back in a week while he was listening to the Wrap Up Show segment. Gary had cracked a joke about Jackie hearing that and having a stroke during that discussion. Robin told the guys she actually drove around with the top down even though it was pretty cold out. She said that Mr. X was telling her that they have to get a special chamois to wash the car.
Artie said that everyone who has walked into a Mercedes dealer knows that car too. It's one of the coolest cars they make. Howard said he went into the dealer and spent maybe an hour there because he had to go through the color choice. Ronnie said the salesman, Chris, called him last night and told him it was the easiest sale he ever had. Howard knew what he wanted and didn't dick the guy around.
Artie and the guys talked about how great the car looks in black and how it was the right choice. Howard said it was either black or silver and he eventually went for the black. He also said that he was Oprah for a moment when he gave someone a car. He pointed out that Oprah gets the car companies to give cars away though, she doesn't spend her own money.
Howard read some e-mail he got about Jenna's story about Jenny McCarthy doing her in a bathroom one time. A lot of people wrote in and talked about how great the story was and how good Jenna was on the show. He read through a ton of mail about how great the whole interview was.
Howard said that Diddy was on the show yesterday and he got kind of dissed when he went over to the Today Show after doing Howard's show. He was interviewed by some second tier interviewer according to some people who wrote in. There was a lot of feedback about the pictures they took of Jenna yesterday and there were shots where Gary, Mike Gange and Benjy ruined the pictures. Howard said he didn't even notice that because he was too busy looking at Jenna.
Howard got some e-mail about Sal's wife looking pretty good so Sal reminded Howard he had some audio of his wife yelling at him. Howard played that audio and it should take care of anyone who still finds Sal's wife attractive.
Howard took a phone call from another guy who brought up Jenna Jameson's interview. Another caller told Howard to check out a porn movie called ''Army of Ass 8'' where a guy cums on a girls face because the guy makes some funny sounds when he's doing it. Howard told the guys to pick that up.
Howard took another call from a guy who told Howard how bad David Lee Roth's show is on his old station. That's why the guy picked up a SIRIUS radio and tuned in. Howard whipped through a few more phone calls and ended up talking about how Infinity Broadcasting is still kind of screwing him over by not letting him have his old material. He suggested that they get over his move away from old fashioned radio and concentrate on their own future. The caller also asked Howard if he could send in some radio show suggestions and possibly get his own show on Howard 100. Howard told him that if he has a good show, he could absolutely get a show there.
Howard talked about some of the other shows that have been airing on Howard 100 and 101 and they're great. They have a lot of fans who are now working for the show.
Howard asked Eric if he's afraid of flying out there. Eric said that it's not perfect timing right now, that's one reason he doesn't want to fly out there. Robin said that a couple of weeks ago Eric was demanding that Howard put him on the air.
Eric said that Will called him a couple of hours after the show and told him the show idea was off but then called back and said it was on again. He said it seemed like they were playing games with him. Howard asked him what he booked in that couple of hours that would keep him from doing the show. Eric said he needs an attendant to come with him out to New York. The guy would have to stay with him through the whole trip. He would need the attendant to help him go to the bathroom and move him from seat to wheelchair and things like that.
Artie volunteered to help so Howard had some fun goofing around with that idea. He was doing his impression of Eric while talking about Artie getting really drunk and being his attendant. Howard told Eric he's just a bullshit artist and now he knows that and doesn't have to listen to him. He called him a phony and said that there isn't just one attendant in the country who could help him.
Howard wanted to hear how Eric's attendant helps him go to the bathroom and stuff like that. Eric said that he has to be lifted onto the toilet by this person. Eric is about 3'6'' tall and weighs about 75-80 pounds. The person has to lift him up to the toilet seat, picking him up like a new born. Howard asked him why he doesn't just wear a diaper. Howard told him he should just ride around on someone's back like Yoda does in Star Wars. That led to Artie doing his Yoda impression and goofing on that whole concept.
Howard asked Eric how things go when this person lifts him on the toilet. Eric said that he can pull down his own pants so the attendant doesn't do that. He said he can sometimes get himself on the toilet depending on the height. Howard wondered who wipes him. Eric said he can do that himself. Then the person might have to lift him up so he can wash his hands. Howard said he couldn't pick him up with feces on his hands and help him wash.
Eric says that he's able to get on the toilet himself when he's at home. Howard thought that was pretty good because he must have to be pretty strong to get up there himself. He told Eric that he offered him the show and he doesn't know what else he can do now. Eric said he's moving in March and he could possibly do the show after that. Howard said he doesn't know if they'll have that slot open anymore by then. Howard thought about having him do the show from California but he's not sure how they could work that out.
Gary said that Eric didn't hesitate when American Dreams called and offered him a job. Eric said they just drove down for that, they didn't have to fly. Howard said that was about it and told Eric not to call him for shows anymore. Eric told Howard that Kelly Clarkson was going to be down at the Grammy Awards and he'd like to go see her. Howard wasn't going to help him get any tickets for that though. He told Eric he had to get going and took a break.
Nancy found it very funny that Sheila is on the show now trying to promote this pole dance thing. Nancy has been on the show before so she knows that Howard isn't a fucking prick. Sheila said she remembers talking about Howard but she doesn't remember saying those things about him. Nancy said that Sheila said she can't respect any man who leaves the mother of his children.
Gary came in and said that another person who was in the class just called in. Sheila said that she really likes Howard and has a lot in common with Alison. She doesn't know Alison but she loved the way she used to call in on the show. She said when the marriage broke up she felt that she couldn't connect to him the same way but when Beth came into his life, she felt she could connect again. Howard thought that was kind of strange and told her that she has no integrity if she can't be honest about the way she feels about him.
Howard got the other person on the line. Lisa told Howard that she was also in the class that Nancy was talking about. She backed up Nancy's story and said that Sheila really did call him a mother fucking prick. The class was in New York and they both had the same story.
Howard noticed that Sheila is married to a successful actor who didn't bother to thank her during a speech he made when he won an Emmy for his work on The West Wing. Howard told Sheila that he didn't think that she should promote anything on his show if she thinks that he's a ''mother fucking prick.'' Sheila told Howard she thinks that they have a lot in common and she thinks that he's a cool guy. She said that she has thought that he was a prick in the past but she doesn't hate him.
Howard said he doesn't resent that she thinks of him as a prick but if she doesn't like him, she shouldn't be on the show promoting something. Sheila was defending herself but the other women couldn't believe that this was going on. Howard asked Sheila to give them 3 celebrity names of guys she respects.
Howard told Sheila that if she has no problem promoting this on his show then he doesn't have a problem. He said if she doesn't feel hypocritical then he'd let her promote it. He wanted to let Nancy go and spent a minute talking to Sheila. She told him that he should come to one of her classes but he doesn't want to be called a mother fucking prick. She went on to say that she made a good point when she told him she connects to him better when he has a woman in his life.
Howard learned that Teri Hatcher had taken this class and learned her stripper dance from her. She did a dance for Howard on the show one day and learned what she knew from Sheila. Howard thinks that Sheila looks pretty good on her web site SFactor.com. She offered to give Beth a lesson but Howard didn't seem all that interested in doing that. Sheila says that she can't believe that Howard finds the prick comments offensive. Howard told her that if she wants to come on the show, she has to get on the Sybian for 3 minutes. She said she'd do that if Howard got on it with her. He said that's not part of the deal and let her go a short time later.
Howard and the guys talked about how the whole pole dancing thing isn't sexy. They said that it's kind of impressive but no sexy at all. Howard said that if a woman wants to impress a guy they shouldn't eat and they should do sit-ups.
Howard said that he spoke to Sam Simon the other day about ''Really, Really Desperate Housewives'' which is the radio sitcom he's working on. The spouses of the people on the show will all be featured in that sitcom. He had to take a quick break after that.
Lisa told Howard that they had a report about Elegant Elliot Offen hitting two pedestrians a couple of months ago and one of the people actually died from her injuries. Lisa said they have two reporters on the story and they found out from one eyewitness that the people weren't in the middle of the street as Elliot had claimed. The news team tried to get in touch with Elliot but he called the reporter a ''Fucking nig*er'' and hung up on him. Lisa said they'll also have more to the KC story that they had last night. KC went back to get his watch back from Jessica Hahn's assistant but there's apparently not a happy ending there. She said they also have a reporter in Los Angeles to report on the Lingerie Bowl.
Howard said that he would like to hear from Elegant Elliot Offen about his accident. He told Gary to try and get him on the phone. Robin also wanted to hear about KC's story too so maybe they should try to get him on the phone. It doesn't sound like he's getting better according to Robin.
Howard spent some time talking about the strange interview he had with that Sheila Kelly chick earlier. He felt confused about the whole thing and thought that she got out of it pretty well. Robin didn't think she did and talked about how it was just a week ago that she called him a prick so her explanation didn't make much sense to her.
Another caller told Howard about how great he thinks the show is. He said that's the kind of entertainment they (truck drivers) need while they're out on the road. The guy really appreciates the show and thanked Howard and his staff for putting on a great show.
A woman called in and asked if she needs to go out and buy a pole to do that pole dancing workout. Howard told her she may have to purchase a whole strip club. He then told the caller that she just needs to go out and follow around a one year old toddler and do every move they do, and you'll be crippled from the workout you get. You just have to move around. The woman also said that Sheila was very annoying and she had to change the channel a couple of times.
Howard took another call from a guy who told him the show is sounding good these days. Howard said they're so glad they made the move and they're all happier now. Howard said he's thrilled with SIRIUS now and has stopped listening to CDs at his apartment. He's thinking about getting rid of his CD changer at home because he only listens to SIRIUS now. He said that you have to go back into the programming bullpen sometime and see what goes on back there.
Howard asked John what the name of this porno movie is. He stuttered out ''Here Comes John'' and told Howard that he signed a year long contract with the film company. He said he's getting paid pretty well so Howard asked him if it's a six figure contract. John tried to tell Howard that he's getting a percentage of the sales.
Howard said that John looked like he had a hard time getting aroused during the filming. John said that he doesn't like to use condoms and that's why he went limp. He said he was fine with the blow jobs though. Howard asked John when he last had sex with a woman before this film. He said he was out at the bunny ranch a couple of years ago, that was the last time he had sex. He hasn't been all that lucky since then.
John licked some of the girls in the porno so he felt safe doing it. He also told the guys that he just turned 37 years old. Howard thought he still lived at home but John said that he lives on his own and his mother is fine with all of this. He said that she's very liberal and loves Howard's show.
A caller asked Howard why he didn't help John get a better contract. Howard said he had nothing to do with this and John didn't contact them until after they had shot the movie. John said that he's got a couple of great managers who said the contract is very good as it stands.
Howard spoke to the girls who came with John this morning. First up was Tatianna who said that she had sex with John in the car on the way there this morning. They had a camera on them in the car and she did him in there. She said that she's done about 10 movies and it sometimes matters who the guy is in the movie. She said she likes John and he tasted his own cum today. Howard heard that and stopped the conversation. He asked her how that happened. She still had his cum in her mouth when he went to kiss her.
Howard asked Tatianna how long the sex lasted with John in the car. She said he went about 15 minutes and she was able to orgasm. She finished him off with her mouth and that's how he ended up tasting himself. He said that her vagina tasted great, the taste of that offset the taste of his own man goo.
Howard played a clip from John's movie ''Here Comes John'' where he's stuttering while a chick is doing him. He was telling the woman to go faster and that he was ''getting there'' but his voice was raised up to High Pitch Eric territory. The guys goofed on John about that a little bit. Howard then played another clip of John getting oral and telling the girl ''Fast and wet baby, fast and wet...'' Howard said he saw some of the video and John looked pretty big down there. The girls said he was pretty big and one of the biggest they've had.
Howard played more of John's scene and he was almost stuttering as he was finishing with one chick. He finished in one girl's face and told her ''I'm John the Stutterer and I just came in your face.'' He stuttered that out of course.
Howard spoke to Jalene about how she got into the business. She said that she walked into a sex toy shop one time and there was a guy there who helped her get into the business. She said that she had some problems getting John hard when he was with her. John said that he has problems with the condoms, it's got nothing to do with the chicks. Jalene told Howard that she can make some good money doing porn and her family doesn't know what she's doing. They think she's working on computers.
Howard moved on to Aubrey who is only 18 years old. She's out of high school as of last June. She's new to porn but when she was 16 she had already decided to get into porn. She said she had to wait until she was 18 to actually get into it though. She said she lost her virginity at 16 and knew that she wanted to be in porn from that time. Her first time on film was with another woman and she loved it. She said that her parents think that she baby sits for a living. She still lives at home though. Howard asked Aubrey if she wanted to call her parents and let them know what she actually does. Her mother apparently accused her of that last week but she didn't come clean yet.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she was gagging in her car while listening to John's porno scenes. Howard said the scenes aren't pleasant because John needs to tone up a bit. He said he's kind of pasty and lumpy and appears to not work out at all. John agreed and said he doesn't work out at all.
Howard spoke to another caller who suggested that Howard interview John while he's getting laid because he doesn't seem to stutter during that. John said he's very relaxed when that goes on so that's why he doesn't stutter. Howard played another clip of one of John's sex scenes and it sounded very odd. Robin said that the girls voices were actually deeper than John's when he's moaning.
Howard played a few more clips from the movie where John is licking Jalene's ass and stuff like that. John said this is a great scene but Howard doesn't get why he's so into that. There was another scene where one of the girls had to guide John in. John wasn't able to get it in there so Aubrey had to try and help him out. John said he was stupid when he came to that. John told Howard he plays a Keith Moon drum solo in one scene on one of the girls. He offered to do it again for Howard. He wanted to see that but they got a little sidetracked for a short time.
Howard wanted to find out what kind of money the girls made to appear in this movie. Aubrey said she got paid for doing a bunch of scenes that day but she wouldn't admit to what she got. Gary figures it was less than $500. None of them are big names yet so they probably didn't make a lot. The girls all said Gary was wrong but didn't say how much they actually made.
John the Stutterer did his drum solo on Jalene's ass. He asked if he should lick her ass as well. Jalene got across his lap and Fred played The Who for him but John wasn't going to play along, he was just going to play his own drum solo. He also wanted to lick her butthole but Jalene said she wasn't ready for that at that point. Howard gave John a plug for the movie and said you can find out more at HereComesJohn.com or JohnStutters.com. Artie asked John if he will ever see any money from this movie. He said he will see 51 percent of sales. Howard told John to come back and talk about his lawsuit whenever that comes about.
Howard asked the girls if they would be into trying out the Sybian like Jenna Jameson did the day before. They demonstrated the vibrating masturbation machine for them and then asked Tatianna to test it out. John wanted to lick her before she got on it. She wanted to have him do that but Howard told him to calm down. Gary worked the controls on the Sybian and had Tatianna enjoying it. She said it was very nice and it was like getting fucked really good. Howard jacked it up to about 40 percent and let it rip on her for a minute.
Gary ramped it up to 60 percent power. Jenna couldn't handle that yesterday. Gary kept going up and Artie asked her if she would marry it if it could make money. She was really enjoying the Sybian. They went up to 80 percent, 90 percent and then 100 percent vibration. She was ready for it and took it all. She said ''Wow!'' as it was vibrating away at 100 percent. Then Gary turned on the rotation to 100 percent. She thought she was done a short time later but Howard didn't think she was really done so he had her stay on it a little longer. She was saying that it felt good but she was laughing too so Howard wasn't sure she was actually getting off on it. She thought about staying on it a little longer but she figured she had to get off. She was kind of shaky after that.
Gary showed Howard what that thing does when no one is on it. The machine was pretty intense. Fred played some jackhammer sound effects as that was going on. Tatianna said that she needs one of those things for personal use. Howard thanked all of the girls for coming in and wrapped up with them. Artie said he was kind of jealous of the Sybian. The guys were saying that they don't know if they've ever seen a real orgasm after seeing Tatianna enjoying that thing. She thanked Howard and the guys for letting her do that. Howard went to break a short time later. Here are some of the sites that Howard mentioned during the interview:
Howard took a call from a guy who brought up the Sybian again. Howard said that after each woman uses the unit, they retire that attachment. They have about 20 attachments to go through. He said they then take the attachment and have the girls sign it so they can display them on the wall near the bar. Jenna signed hers yesterday and Tatianna signed hers today.
A caller told Howard how great the Bob Levy Celebrity Roast was last week. Howard said they'll be replaying that as it's own self-contained show. They'll also be doing another one in a few weeks. The caller got in as one of the audience members.
Howard said that they need to come up with some kind of schedule to show what's on at any time on SIRIUS. He said they just installed a big monitor out in the lobby that does that but they need something for his channels too. Another phone caller told Howard how great it was that he gave Robin that car as a gift. The caller also mentioned John the Stutterer and that led to Howard talking about how bad he feels for that guy. He said that he seemed happy but he felt bad for him because he thought he was a bit of a depressed guy. Robin said that he was very happy today though so maybe he shouldn't feel so bad.
The caller suggested that Howard do some kind of revelation thing with Danny Bonaduce since he's on Howard 100 this week. Howard said he'll have to do that but he had to get to Mike Walker who was on the line to play his game.
Howard moved on to Mike's game so here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Howard said that the only negative thing about working there is the fact that it's been so cold in the studio lately. He said he asked Thom to put the heat on in the studio and found out that there is no heat in the studio. Howard said he couldn't believe that. Thom told him that the lights in the studio are the heat source. He got freaked out when he heard that because he can't go through 5 years freezing his ass off in the studio. Howard thought that they were going to have a new studio with heat and air conditioning. They have air but no heat. Unbelievable.
Howard tried to get to the bottom of the problem but couldn't find out what happened. Thom said they're talking to the architects and engineers about fixing it. Thom told Howard that the concern was that they could never get it cool enough in there but they never knew that they would have this problem. Gary told Howard that there was no heat at the other studio either but it was always pretty warm. Scott the Engineer came in and told them that there were heating coils in the ducts over at K-Rock so Gary was wrong.
Thom told Howard that they always put just air conditioning in studios like that because the equipment usually warms it up. Gary said that the studio gets down to about 45 degrees later on in the morning because the In Demand lights are off by then. There was some discussion about the floor there in the studio and how the whole floor moves when someone walks on it. Thom told the guys that they poured the floor, they put it on springs. They're going to try and fix that as well. They over did some things in there and forgot the heat. Robin said that her booth is okay because it's a smaller space and the lights might have more of an effect on it. Howard had to take a break after that.
Howard came back from the commercial break and Fred was having some problems with the audio clips he was playing. He said that something changed that he didn't know about. Howard had him play Train's version of 'Dream on' that he had so rudely interrupted with something else. Howard interrupted the song himself a short time later and talked over half of it.
Howard had George Flowers in to give them a Howard 100 News preview. George mentioned the Elegant Elliot Offen story they'll be going over at Noon. They're also looking to speak to Elliot but he keeps hanging up on them. They'll have a bunch of other stories about the JD/Kissyphur thing that they were about to do. There's a lot of other stuff coming up at Noon.
Jon Hein was in to give them an update on the Wrap Up Show. He said they'll be talking about the Sybian and some other stuff that goes on behind the scenes on the show. JD will also be on the show to talk about what they had coming up next.
Howard had JD in a different room so he could do his thing while they watched. Howard asked him a few questions about how he does this and then got Kissyphur on the phone so they could hear her doing her thing. Howard could see Kissyphur doing her thing and she was already messing around with herself. She was in her apartment while she was doing it. Howard told JD they were going to stay quiet during the whole thing so JD could do his thing.
JD asked her if she was ready to be his dirty little whore. Then he told her to take her top down. Howard interrupted within 10 seconds and pointed out that Kissyphur was already bottomless and showing her huge cans. He also said that she's a little overweight as well. JD instructed her to spank herself so we could hear her slapping herself, turning her ass red.
JD asked her to start sucking on one of her toys as if it were him. Howard started to laugh a little bit as he was listening in. He said it was pretty wild to hear JD doing his thing. Kissyphur was doing herself with her toy and pretending to have JD ''slap her pussy.'' Kissyphur told JD that she gets really wet when he talks to her and she was really wet for him. JD then had her sticking her toy up her ass. Howard interrupted and said that it was pretty hard core stuff he was doing.
JD had her shoving stuff in her ass and in her pussy. Howard wondered if he would be done by now if he was by himself. JD said he probably would have been done by now because it doesn't take long. Kissyphur was calling JD by his real name instead of his internet ''Daba'' (Da Bad Ass) name. Kissyphur said that he's JD to her.
Howard said that JD was a real ball of fire in this session. He was being sarcastic and thought that maybe he was holding back this morning. Kissyphur said that JD can really get demanding when he calls in off the air. JD told Howard that he mainly has a girl suck on a dildo and spit on it. Howard said he doesn't get that and can't imagine telling a chick to do that. Howard told him to go for it if that's what he does for real. Howard thought that Kissyphur was doing a good job even though JD wasn't helping her out at all.
Kissyphur was smacking herself and JD was just laughing and calling her a whore. That's what Howard wanted him to do, he wanted to hear him telling her what to do. He asked her to punch herself in the face at one point but she refused to do that.
A phone caller told JD he was really punking out this morning. He should be getting into it. Howard wanted JD to step it up a bit. JD told her to put his dick inside of her and then had her calling him ''Da Bad Ass.'' Howard told JD he was doing a horrible job so JD came back with a ''Fuck you dude!'' Howard gave Kissyphur a couple of plugs and then demonstrated to JD how he should have done this. You can check her out at NiteFlirt.com and Kissyphur.com.
Howard demanded that Kissyphur do 10 sit-ups for him right then. She counted them off for him and then Howard told her to take those ugly boots off her feet. She was also wearing socks so he made her take those off and give herself 50 hard spanks for wearing them. Howard had her talking dirty to him and then wiping her ass with the white pillow she had on the couch with her. She was doing it and even smelled the pillow after the wipe.
Howard asked Kissyphur about the first woman she ever had sex with. She went through that story but then Bob Levy called in demonstrated how it should really be done. He was demanding a bunch of stuff. Howard thanked him for calling in and then took a call from a woman who said that she had a guy pull up next to her jerking off. She thinks he was listening to SIRIUS too. Howard wrapped up with Kissyphur and JD and gave her some plugs for her web sites. NiteFlirt.com and Kissyphur.com.
Howard told JD that he was some exciting guy with that stuff. He asked him what happened there. He said it sounded like Droopy Dog having phone sex. JD said he as trying but Howard didn't think he was giving it his best. JD said it's tough when you have a camera on you and know that a million people are listening. Howard thanked him for that segment as Fred played some crying baby sound effects.
A phone caller told JD he's heard more action at an old folk's home. The guy also suggested that they get Bubba the Love Sponge in on the next roast they do because it's going to be Ronnie the Limo Driver. Howard thought that was a good idea because there is some bad blood between those two. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard introduced three women that were sitting in the studio. One of them, Phyllis, was a woman who was on a camping trip that he went on when he was in college. He said that Phyllis was really hot back then and he was very attracted to her. He had to act like a professional though. He said he knew that she had a crush on him back then but he couldn't do anything with her. He said he did whack off while thinking about her though. Howard said there were four counselors on the trip but Phyllis didn't remember all of them.
Howard remembered one of the camp counselors and said he had a crush on her as well. He also thought about Phyllis but she was only 15 and he was 19. He said he would never do anything with a 15 year old. He said he thought about her for many years after that. Phyllis said that she was still a virgin back then but she did lose her virginity that summer. Phyllis said that Howard was so cool and so funny when he was with them. She said that he was so good back then and she remembers that he said he was going to be famous some day. She thought she was going to be famous some day too but now she's just a suburban house wife.
Phyllis said that they used to call Howard ''Howie'' back then. She also claims that she didn't know who Howard Stern was for a long time. She said she really did have a crush on Howie back then and would sit really close to him at the camp fires. She said she definitely would have gone for it with him if he made a move on her.
Phyllis said she always knew Howard as ''Howie'' so she didn't put things together until she saw him on The Tonight Show one night. She said she called her sister and told her that she had just figured it out. She was so thrilled when she found out. Howie Stern was actually Howard Stern. She was very nervous about calling into the show to talk to him because he seemed to have such a different personality. Artie said that she's basically saying that ''Howard Stern'' would have done her while ''Howie Stern'' wouldn't.
Howard asked Phyllis if she ever pleasured herself thinking about him. She said she never did but one of her friends said that Phyllis told her that she absolutely did. The friend said that she heard that she did pleasure herself when she got home from camp... and she now thinks about Howie when she's with her husband. Phyllis said that's not true, she thinks about her husband when she's with him.
Phyllis is now living in Washington but she was in town visiting her friends. She ran into Howard out at a restaurant the other night and he remembered who she was. Phyllis also met Beth and thought she was very nice. Howard said it's very odd that a 19 year old was in charge of 15 year olds back then. He said that most of the other camp counselors were older than he was though.
Howard took the job very seriously and even busted one kid for smoking weed. That kid had to be sent home but he was really bummed that he had to do that. He explained how that all came about. He said there were 40 kids on a bus going across the country, in 1975, so if they had been caught with that, they could have gotten in a lot of trouble. He said that one of the other counselors heard from the other kids that one of the kids had weed on him so they had to bust him. Woody the counselor didn't know what weed looked or smelled like so Howard had to check it out and let Woody know that it was indeed weed. He was the expert and that turned into him being a narc. Howard said that they would be pulled over many times on their trip so it was good that they got the kid off the bus. Gary said he'd like to know where that kid is today. He said he's going to try and find him.
Howard took a call from a guy who told Howard he screwed up JD's web cam sex thing. He thought that JD was doing the right thing and Howard was the one screwing it up. JD came in to get an apology but the guys ended up goofing on him. Gary said that JD was so ''Napoleon Dynamite'' during that segment.
A caller goofed on Howard for taking Friday's off there at SIRIUS but he didn't give him to hard of a time with that. Howard said that he made a deal to do work 4 days a week and they're doing a lot more show on the Monday to Thursday shows because they have so few commercials now. He also told the guy that he will make appearances on those Friday shows so it'll be a great show either way.
Ralph (who is part of The Friday Show) showed up to tell Howard that they'll be playing some clips from earlier in the week and they'll go over some old stuff that went on in Howard's career on those Friday shows. Gary and Jon Hein will also be hosting The Friday Shows from now on.
After that Robin finished up her news and Howard had one final thought to get out. He said that Gary had played him a new Prince song and he thinks that the guy finally hit the wall. Howard gave out a bunch of the plugs he gave out during the show and thanked Phyllis and her friends for coming by this morning. He then said that it sounds like Prince is still stuck back in the 80s and hasn't moved forward. He played some of his new song and it sounded very reminiscent of his previous work. Robin was on the fence about the song though. She didn't hate it. Howard ended the show a short time later, around 11:10am.
As of today, there is no more Howard Stern Show on Friday. This is not a surprise, it's not a scam, we knew it was coming. When SIRIUS signed Howard up, they gave him a 4 day work week and something like 10 weeks vacation. For the first few weeks of the show Howard graced us with 5 days worth of shows, he's just now taking advantage of his four day work week.
What are we left with? Well, we're going to have Gary ''Baba Booey'' Dell'Abate, Ralph ''Douche Bag'' Cirella and Jon ''Jump the Shark'' Hein doing a show called ''The Friday Show'' where they're going to talk about and play clips from the previous four days, talking about what goes on behind the scenes, special guests, classic Howard Stern audio clips and much, much more.
Yes, there will be fans who are pissed that Howard won't be on 5 days a week. For those of you in that group, look at it this way. When Howard was on old fashioned radio, he did a 4-5 hour show each morning. During that time there were 19 minutes of commercials per hour. Subtract that time from the show and you end up with over an hour less show. Now that Howard is on satellite, he does a full 5 hour show each morning and only has about 6 minutes of commercials per hour. Add up all of that extra show and it just about makes up for that missing Friday show. Anyway, I don't know what to expect from this ''The Friday Show'' but I'll be listening and giving a rundown of what I hear.
Starting off today's The Friday Show was Jon Hein. Jon introduced Gary Dell'Abate and Ralph Cirella who will be hosting the show each week. Jon said that they will be reviewing the past week's show and playing bits and doing a bunch of other stuff. They'll also take phone calls from fans and replay some of the past week's Howard Stern Show. They may even go back a few weeks since this is the first Friday Show.
Jon came out and said that Howard is 100 percent behind this show. Gary said that he's taking a day off to do some personal stuff and they've talked about what to do when he takes days off. He said he used to work hard on The Best of Stern back when they were on old fashioned radio and people would always call and complain. The last days of Best of Stern were things that they just threw together because they had so many problems getting other things on the air.
The first caller to complain about Howard not being on called in about 3 minutes into the show. He said it was kind of a bummer that he wasn't in. Gary asked him to give them at least an hour. He also said that he can't believe that Ralph is on the air. Jon said he knows that he's not the first person who will be saying that stuff.
Jon took another call from a guy who said he's wondering when Gary will get roasted. He had some jokes of his own but Gary said when he hears a guy with a southern accent, like this guy, he immediately thinks he's stupid. Jon let him go after that
Gary said that Will Murray is another guy who is a fan of Mike Piazza's. He said that he and Will once went out to a Jets Training Camp one time and Will was calling some of the fans douche bags and homos because they were out waiting for the players to give them autographs. Then, a few minutes later, Will was doing the same thing. Yesterday Will asked to meet Mike Piazza because he's a big fan. Will came in and told the guys how strange it was to actually meet the guy because he's called him a fag from the stands at games before.
Jon said that he and Will were talking about Mike when he showed up yesterday and they were like a couple of little school girls. The guys said that they have a lot of celebrities just dropping in up there at SIRIUS and it's pretty cool.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that people who are complaining are people who just bought their radios last minute. The guys pointed out that there's plenty of other stuff to listen to on SIRIUS like the music channels. Another caller asked where Howard was this morning. He complained that he bought the radio and now he doesn't get Howard. Gary gave him the speech about getting more show in the four days before than what he got on old radio. Jon asked the guy what he wanted to hear so the guy asked for some Pat O'Brien stuff. Gary asked to get his number so they can call him back in about 2 hours to find out what he thinks of the show. After that we heard some of the Pat O'Brien voice mail clips that the guy was talking about.
Jon brought up the Sybian and how Jenna Jameson came in and tested it out on the air this week. Gary told the story about how they booked her as a guest this week because there was some discussion about not having her on as a guest. Gary said he was one of the guys who wanted to bring her in because she can now speak any way she wants instead of editing herself.
Gary asked Howard what he's doing up at this hour when he's got the day off. Howard said he was actually up at 6 in the morning and held off on calling for 20 minutes. He also said that he wasn't able to get through on the hotline number.
Howard told the guys that explaining that the show is going to be good isn't the right direction. He said that they should just get to the stuff. He said that Gary's story about Mike Piazza was very interesting and that's what they should concentrate on. He had mentioned that Dee Snider was up there at SIRIUS yesterday but didn't talk about it more and he was interested in that.
Howard said that he and Dee had some weirdness between them in the past. He said they used to be really good friends until Dee got his morning radio show and competed against him in Hartford, Connecticut. He said that Dee called him and asked him if he was okay with it. Howard didn't want to tell Dee not to work but he also didn't think he should be competing against him. Ralph told Howard that he could have told him he didn't think it was right but Howard isn't like that.
Howard went on to say that he has a problem telling someone not to work so he couldn't do that to him. He figures that the other station knew Dee from his show so he got kind of weirded out by all of that. He said that he was then competing with the guy in the radio business so he stopped being pals with him. He never bad mouthed him but he certainly wasn't going to tell people to go listen to him. He said it was like war as far as he was concerned. He said he shut down and cut him off. He beat Dee in the ratings and that's what he wanted to do. If someone competes with him, that's what he's going to do.
Gary said that Dee used to call him and he could never figure out what happened between them. Gary would tell him he didn't know what happened even though he knew Howard was upset that he took the job. Dee thought that telling Howard ahead of time would have made it okay. Howard said he just wants to win when it comes to ratings on radio so that's why he had to cut Dee off.
Howard talked about how things are different on SIRIUS now that he has people like Bubba working for him. He said he told Bubba's producer that it's great that they're like a little group of outlaws up there. He said he got a call about a year ago from Dee's wife Suzette. She told him that things were crazy because she was good friends with Howard just like Dee was. Howard said he's not even sure that Dee knows about that but he told Suzette what goes on in his mind when someone goes up against him. He said that he feels like it's a betrayal when someone competes against him. He didn't get together with them after that and dropped the ball. He doesn't know what he feels right now though.
Ralph said that Dee was a really good friend of Howard's and it must bum him out when he can't hang out with the guy. Howard told Gary that maybe he should book Dee for Monday so they can talk to Dee about it now that they're not competing against each other. Howard said that he may have been wrong but he's not sure. Ralph told him it's not about being right or wrong, it's about how Howard feels.
Gary and Howard talked about the days when Imus was competing against them but he had such low ratings that it wasn't even competition. Howard still wanted to crush Imus even though he was nowhere near the same ratings. Howard talked about how Viacom hired Imus and paid him big bucks.
Robin called in and said she couldn't listen any longer. She had to call in and tell the guys that it was disrespectful for Dee to come on the show and then go up and compete against them. She thought that Dee wasn't right for doing that. Howard told Robin that Dee once told him that he would give him half his income because he figures he owes him that much. Robin said that Dee was stealing from Howard and that was his way of trying to pay him back. Ralph said that he would tune in and listen to Dee once in a while but not over Howard. Robin said that's the problem, he was taking Howard's listeners. She also said that Dee was stealing a piece of their pie and that wasn't cool to her.
Howard said that he can't tell people that they're going to be his enemy if they go up against him. Robin has no problem telling people that though. Howard said he can't tell someone what to do with their life so that's why he never did that with Dee.
Danny Bonaduce's name came up because Danny actually admitted he was going to steal Howard's act. Howard said he didn't have a personal relationship with Danny so it was a different story. Robin and Howard were going back and forth on the Dee Snider discussion.
The guys then changed the subject to Chris Booker who is still a deejay over on the old K-Rock station. Howard said he feels kind of betrayed by Booker but also feels kind of complimented that these guys are emulating him. Howard said it is kind of creepy to him that these guys do that to him. He said he feels weird when he hangs out with Booker and always hears from people that his show sounds like he's doing a direct rip-off of the show. Howard said that they even take the exact guys he uses on his show to do their show. Ralph used to do Booker's show and Robin seemed to have a problem with that.
Jon took a call for Howard and the guy told him that Robin was making a good point. Howard said that he has trouble owning his own anger sometimes and he's always got this debate going on in his head. He doesn't want someone ''stealing his marbles'' because he's the kid that wants all the marbles. The caller also asked what company it was that hired Dee. Howard wasn't sure about that. Gary said that Dee picked the wrong market to go up against Howard took because Howard was so popular up there in Hartford.
Howard said that market was like his own backyard to him and someone coming in and competing against him just didn't feel right to him. Ralph and Robin were arguing about what Howard was really upset about. Robin said that it didn't matter which market it was that Dee was on in but Ralph thought that had a lot to do with Howard being so upset. Howard said that anyone who goes up against him has to assume that it's a bad idea to go up against him.
The guys were giving some different analogies to describe the relationship that Howard and Dee had but some of them weren't all that great. Robin was saying that they developed Dee as a radio guy on their show and the only reason people were interested in him was because of that.
Howard said that they can discuss all of this with Dee on Monday if they want to have him on as a guest. Everyone wanted him to come on. Gary said that they had a couple of other guests on Monday like Elegant Elliot Offen. Elliot wants to talk about the allegations against him that the Howard 100 News Team has been making. Howard said that he called the news department about that story because they seem to be whipping it up into something that it may not be. He said that the news department is damn good but he doesn't want them going all tabloid on them.
Gary asked Howard and Robin to hang on for a couple of minutes because they had to take a break. Howard said he wasn't done with Dee yet so he was going to hang on. Howard said he wanted to hear more of the Jenna Jameson thing because it sounded so hot.
Jon asked Howard how he felt being a caller instead of being on the air live. Howard went on to explain how they're trying to reinvent the way they do radio and explained what they're doing with this show. He said that this will allow people to hear stuff that they normally wouldn't hear on the air. He thinks that it could be just as good as the regular show. They went to break shortly after that.
Howard said that he made the mistake of going on the SternFanNetwork.com site but they were getting slammed. He said that he really took today off because he has something he needs to do. Ralph asked him if he's buying another car for someone. Howard said that the posters over at SFN are really giving them a hard time. He figures he's no helping things out by staying on the phone.
Erica got back to her news and brought up how there's a new virus going around today that could wreak havoc on computer systems around the country. She also mentioned the big game that's coming up this weekend. Erica also did some promotion for the Howard 100 News that's coming up at Noon today. She said they'll be talking about Howard being off today but then mentioned that Howard has been on the phone for 45 minutes already. She'll also be talking about some new radio guys Taz and Coal who are on Howard 101 this weekend.
Erica said that they're going to check in with the inventor of the Sybian. Howard said he wants to talk to that guy himself. That led to Howard talking about how that thing can't be good for a relationship because when those women got off of the thing, they didn't need any man. They were completely satisfied. Howard said that shows that there is no god because he would have given men rotating penises if there was. Erica said that the guy who invented this thing is a 75 year old former ballroom dancer.
They didn't have the recording of the call because they weren't able to record it. They tried to get it from Jay Thomas' people but they wouldn't give it up. Howard thought that was kind of bogus and wanted to hear the call. Howard said that Richard is a drama queen and it was just a prank call that meant nothing. Even Jay Thomas didn't have a problem with the call and said that Sal's acting was so great that it made for a great phone call.
Howard said that Richard's reaction was so over the top. He had no reason to walk off the show over a simple prank call. Richard is actually working there at SIRIUS and it has caused some problems. Sal said that he called in as a guy who lost 275 pounds and mentioned some of Richard's infamous audio clips that they've played on the show.
Sal said that he was afraid that he was going to get fired yesterday because the guy from SIRIUS came by to complain about the call. Howard said he doesn't think a prank call is something someone should be fired over. Howard said he wishes that other stations there would prank call them sometimes.
Gary said that he was talking to KC this morning on his way in and he's going to have him call in on Monday. Howard also mentioned that they have the Wack Pack Revelation show coming up next week. He figured that he and Robin should get going so the guys can do their thing.
Jon said that Graham has been doing reporting since he was in 8th grade and contributes to ESPN.com and has done a bunch of other shows. Gary said that they're talking to Graham because he's done some interesting interviews over the past couple of years. He did one with Terrell Owens not too long ago. Graham told the guys what went on with the interview and how he was bad mouthing his teammates. The guys talked to him about that for a few minutes.
Gary asked Graham about another interview that he did with OJ Simpson. Gary asked him if he thinks that OJ is guilty of killing his ex-wife. Graham said that he was found innocent of those charges so that's what he's going with. He has done a couple of interviews with him and has some interesting things coming up with him in the future.
Ralph asked Graham about what player told him to shut the fuck up. Graham said that it was Mike Schmidt and he was in 8th grade at the time. He said that he asked Mike what it was like to be Mike Schmidt and he told him that it might be the dumbest fucking question he had ever heard... To an 8th grader.
Jon asked Graham to give them his pick for the big game this weekend. Graham is picking the Steelers to win. They wrapped up with him a short time later and gave Graham a plug for his web site.
Richard Simmons said that the guy was from inside the building and it wasn't funny. He told Jay that obesity isn't funny and it's a major problem in this country. He thought it was pretty pathetic that someone would make fun of fat people. Jay swore on his mother that he didn't have anything to do with that phone call. He then asked Richard to stick around and take more calls. He asked his fans not to call in with the prank calls anymore.
Jon said that Sal was beaming from the call. Richard didn't storm out of the studio after the call so everyone wondered why they got in trouble over that. Gary figures Richard knew that it was someone from their show that made the call but he seemed to recover on the air. Gary said he wished he had tape of himself being yelled at. Management told Gary that Richard had stormed out and that wasn't the case. Jay's people thought it was Danny Bonaduce who had done the prank call so they were wrong with that.
Jon asked Sal how he felt about being called a great actor by Jay Thomas. Sal thought that he was doing some damage control and that's why he said that.
Jon took a call after that and said today was kind of nice because he liked hearing Gary speak. There were a bunch of other callers who thought the show was going pretty good. Bobo was one of them and he was telling the guys that they were doing just fine this morning. He said he was very happy to hear the whole story about Howard and Dee Snider's relationship earlier.
Ralph thought that Howard and Robin are very different when they call in on the phone compared to being live in the studio. Jon said they had to take another break before getting to more stuff.
There have been some clips of Scott yelling at Dan the Song Parody Man that have been played over the past couple of weeks so they replayed that for everyone. Scott was yelling at Dan because of the way he threw him under the bus on the air. Gary said that they should have a show where they do a People's Court type of show with Dan the Song Parody Man because people like to bust his balls. They'll have to do that on another Friday Show.
A caller told Jon that they should bring Howard and Robin back on the show to make it better. He said that the show wasn't all that bad but Scott did bring the show to a grinding halt.
Erica went through some of the stories they have coming up on Howard 100 News at Noon. She said that they'll be talking about the Intern Show and how they were talking about sex in the workplace. There were a few other things that she mentioned before leaving.
Gary introduced the next bit they were going to play. It was a classic bit from their WNBC days. Howard used to do a character called Mama Lookaboobooday. He explained how the character came up and how Robin was never prepared for the bit when Howard would do it. He would talk through his megaphone and pretended to be in a helicopter giving Howard and Robin the traffic report. The guys played the clip that they dug up from those days. Howard, as Mama, talked to Robin about creating a state called ''Neblackska'' where they would only allow black people.
Gary said that he had just started working on the show back then and he had to come up with some theme music for the show. Gary figures that bit came from late 1984 or early 1985. The bit sounded a little dated but it was still funny to Gary. Ralph said he wants to hear the old Match Game stuff that they used to do back then.
Another caller asked the guys if they watch Dancing with the Stars. Jon is the only one who watches and he said he can't not watch because it's like a train wreck. The caller said that he's not into it and watched it for the first time last night and wanted to pull his hair out after just 5 minutes. Jon was also saying that people always ask him if Howard really likes that show or if it's just promotion. Jon and Gary said that Howard is really into it but he promotes it because he likes it.
Jon took a call from another guy who asked when Howard is going to start being more creative with games and stuff. Gary told the guy that they're going to have the Anal Ring Toss girls in soon and they will be doing more stuff in the coming weeks. The caller said that the show has been entertaining but he wants more bits and games.
Jon said that everyone is so excited about being there and they want all of that stuff to be on the show but there's so much to get to that they haven't been able to. Another caller told the guys that they were doing a great job this morning. He said that just having the show on SIRIUS at all is great and he appreciates it.
The guys said that Jackie was over thinking everything in that interview and figures that he would be in the news if he said he wanted to be back on the show. Gary said that Jackie is always a victim and can't just come on the show without making a big deal out of it. He was also saying that Jackie would be the one reporting to the news about anything that goes on with him.
Gary asked the guys what they think about having people sitting in on the show and if Jackie should be that guy. Ralph said he thinks Jackie should be in that chair but he's not sure Jackie would actually do it. He said that he thinks it would be fun. Gary said that he was listening to some old tapes of Jackie laughing at his own jokes and he knows that Howard cringes when he hears that stuff. He seems to think that Howard finds that stuff to be kind of ''morning zoo-like.''
Jon said that he would love to see Jackie sit on the show, next to Artie, for a day or even a week. Ralph said that he doesn't think that Artie would have a problem with that. Jon said that Artie is such a fan of the show that he would love to see Jackie back on the show, kind of like reuniting the Beatles.
Gary said that there are some people who think that Artie replaced Jackie or even stole his job. They went almost a year without a permanent replacement for Jackie so no one stole his job. They had a lot of people sit in that chair over that period of time and there were some great ones. Sal said that if anyone actually replaced Jackie, it was Benjy because he's a writer like Jackie was. Gary said that Artie and Benjy as a team are more of a replacement for Jackie because he was a writer and an on air performer.
Gary told a story about how Jackie demanded the ''head writer'' title on the show and how Fred always felt kind of strange about that. The guys spent a couple of minutes on that before they had to take another break.
Jessica Hahn called in and told the guys that the show sounds good. She said that it feels so personal when Howard calls in and talks to the guys the way they were earlier in the show. She said it makes the fans feel like they're more a part of the show. She talked about how everyone seems to have more access to Howard and the show now that he's on satellite.
Jessica said it's more like sitting with him in her living room than listening to him on a radio show. Gary asked her when she actually sleeps because she's out in California and it's very early in the morning. She said she wanted to stay up for this and hear the first show.
Howard called back in to talk to Jessica. He wanted to ask her to ride the Sybian. They lost Jess on the phone but Howard thought that would be really hot to have her ride that thing. He knows that she would describe every feeling she was having.
Howard told the guys he's been running around this morning but he did hear the Mama Lookaboobooday bit and it brought back memories. He and the guys spent some time talking about the old WNBC stuff and how different radio was back then.
Jessica was back on the phone so Howard asked her if she would ride the Sybian. She said it sounds so hot when Jenna does it. She wasn't sure if she'd be up for it. She said she'd think about it and she may do it. She said she'd like to feel it of course so she told Howard she'd think about it. It wasn't exactly a yes but it wasn't a no either.
A caller was kind of surprised to hear Howard back on the air again. Howard said he's been getting caught up in the whole thing but he didn't want to slow down the show. They spent a little more time talking about the Jackie thing and then Howard got off the line so they could get back to their stuff.
After the replay Jon said that he remembers that day in the office and how funny it was when the phony Arnold was on the air with George. Ralph said that guy does such a great impression that you can't believe he's a phony. They kept George going for a while but eventually told him it was a fake Arnold. Then they fooled him another time when they had Fake Arnold call in again. That Thursday they came up with an idea to have Evil Dave Letterman call in to goof on George once again. Ralph managed to get some audio from the Thursday creative meeting they had that week and you hear them come up with that idea.
In the meeting audio we hear the guys goofing around about Takei and then Artie suggests having Evil Dave call in and play it straight asking George to do his show that night. All of the guys said they had to make sure that Evil Dave didn't throw in his own lines during the bit because that would ruin things. Howard was so excited about that bit that he wanted to do it right then even though the show was over.
After playing that meeting tape, Jon had the guys play the audio from that actual call where Evil Dave invited George to announce for them and do a Top 10 list. Takei accepted the offer not knowing he was being duped again. Then Howard had him read the top 10 that Dave had faxed over... number one is where George learned that he had been duped once again.
The guys talked about how great George was as a guest and what a good sport he was with all of that stuff. Ralph said that he thought it was funny when George turned down the offer at first because he was going to the theater that night.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked when George will be back. Gary said they're working on that and he should be back on soon. Ralph thinks the typing was great for George to have just come out of the closet a couple of months ago and then they go on satellite and can talk to him about that stuff. Another caller said he can't believe how naive was. He also wondered if the real Arnold Schwarzenegger hears about that stuff or if he's too busy being governor. Gary said he called his people that week and they knew nothing about it but he's probably heard about it by now. The caller told the guys they were doing a good job today even though he would rather hear Howard.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that they were doing a good job but he knows that fans are going to be pissed. He also said that it would be great to have more audio from the creative meetings. The guys said that will happen because they are now recording the meetings on a regular basis. They said it can get pretty brutal in there.
Howard said that they can do a whole documentary about Fred and put it on Howard TV (Howard Stern On Demand). That's the magic of what they can do with the new shows. Howard said he'd like to put a camera on Fred and call it the Fred Cam and just play it during some of the TV shows. Howard said he was kind of aggravated with Fred in the beginning because he was having so many problems with the audio clips. It took a little while for him to get it but he's getting it down now.
The caller asked Howard if he thinks that Jackie and Artie could sit in the same room and do a show together. Howard said he thinks that could work because Artie can work in any situation. He seems to know when to open up and not so they could do that. He also thought that it would be great if Jackie sat in with the show one day or maybe even a week. Ralph figures it would be tough to get him in there though. Howard said he's probably right and he would probably want $80 million to sit in that chair for a day.
Ralph was talking about how great Artie is at doing some impressions on the show. Howard said that Artie is a whole show during the creative meetings. He'll actually fall asleep in the meetings. Howard got off the phone again and said he was going into a meeting so that was it for today. Jon played Howard's tribute song to George Takei that they did on the last day George Takei was there as they went to commercial break.
Erica gave them some previews for what they had coming up on Howard 100 News at Noon today. Jon thanked her for the update and then introduced the next segment which was going to be the bits that Sal and Richard have submitted that have been rejected. First they played a clip from the movie ''Ed Wood'' that they've played on the show recently and used in a bunch of bits. Then they went into a prank call they made using the ''Karloff'' audio clips from the ''Ed Wood'' movie. Sal then told the guys how they came up with the idea to make the call to someone who had a name close to ''Karloff.'' They found someone who had a ''Karl'' name instead.
Jon asked Sal and Richard how much of their stuff actually gets rejected. Richard said it's probably about 40 percent. Sal said he thinks that Howard is kind of put off by the language they use in their bits so he's been rejecting more than usual.
Sal said that they recorded a new bit using Wood Yi (Steve Fried) from the old station and they submitted many different versions of it. They did an interview, as Jack and Rod, with an author who wrote a book on personal health. They brought in Evil Dave and had Wood Yi playing the part of Paul Shaffer. They had the two of them asking the author some really dopey questions about what they can catch from a man's butt and a woman with a yeast infection, stuff like that. The author ends up getting pissed and hangs up on them.
The guys were laughing during the bit but Ralph said that it was pretty rough for the author but he would have played it on the air. Jon Hein said that he would have played it too because Steve is so great on the air even if he's not playing Wood Yi. The call actually lasted a total of 20 minutes. They edited it down to just a couple of minutes.
Jon took a call from a 300 pound woman known as Big Gulp who said she likes these guys on the show and doesn't take any offense to the call Sal made to Richard Simmons. She was a bit off topic though. The next caller, Robin Quivers, said that the bit they had just played was not that great but the call he made to Jay Thomas' show, which they played earlier, was great. She thought that there were some mercy laughs with the Jack and Rod clip. She said she's a big fan of Sal's but some of the stuff doesn't work.
The guys played another prank call that Sal made using Blue Iris the old porn star. They called a deli and tried to place an order. The woman who answered the phone misunderstood most of the questions Blue was asking because she was saying yes to questions like ''Do you have penis soup?'' She was also asking for things like ''Shit Stained Cock Surprise.'' She was put on hold at one point and another guy picked up the phone and had some problems understanding.
Sal explained that the call was too dirty for Howard and that's why he thinks it was rejected by Howard. Ralph said that the call had a few laughs but it could have been edited down. Robin added that there was no payoff with that call and the people didn't even know they were being goofed on. Robin told the guys that her favorite call was the ''Your Turbin is Dirty'' call. Sal and Richard said that they have trouble getting permission to play some of the calls they've made so that holds them back too.
Robin knew at the time that the guy was the caller of the week. She said that his voice was great and she loved it. Jon told her that this was just about the time for her news so Richard Christy played her news theme where she sings to the music they play for her newscast. Gary then read a news story about a bus driver who was running his school bus like a Death Star (from Star Wars) and would give the kids ranks and had them beating each other up. He's saving that story for Monday so Robin can report on it. They had to take another break after that.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked Gary if he's producing the show. Gary said it's actually Jon Hein who is doing the producing. The guy was also talking about Jackie being in ''The Aristocrats'' DVD and how he was plugging all of his crap in that movie. They goofed on Jackie a little bit about that and moved on to some other stuff.
Jon took a call from a guy named Howard but it wasn't Howard Stern. The guy also brought up the car that Howard gave to Robin and the guys had some fun talking about that for a minute. The caller also asked Gary what Jackie and Fred's relationship was really like when they were working together. Gary talked about the way Jackie kind of took over as the head guy and Fred wasn't so thrilled with that. They spent a minute talking about that.
The caller asked Ralph about the Roast they did recently and why he blew it by not reading the jokes that Artie wrote for him. Ralph said it was kind of sprung on him at the last minute and he didn't actually come up with his own jokes until after the show on the Wrap Up Show and then on Saturday he started coming up with more.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and told the guys they're doing great and all of the stuff they've been playing have been great. She was going on and on so Sal was playing the crow cawing sound effects in the background. Mariann said she usually only calls Howard but she likes the show enough to call in. Ralph said he knows what she means. Jon had to go to break right after that.
Jon told the guys that he has a new found respect for Howard working his own board because he was working a board himself this morning. They ended the show at around 10:45am.