Howard started off the show talking about all of the guests they had coming in. He mentioned Grandpa Al Lewis and Flip Wilson. He said he was looking forward to talking to Flip because he had his penis widened. He said that wasn't in the notes but he did hear that's what he did.
Howard mentioned that Don King was going to be stopping by as well. Robin said that she was kind of disappointed in him after the fight because he claimed he didn't see the ear biting incident with Mike Tyson. Howard said that Al Michaels is going to be calling in too.
Howard said they made the news yesterday. They were contacted by the FBI. Yesterday a guy called in and said that he had killed 12 prostitutes. Well it wasn't a fake call because after the show the F.B.I. called and asked for tape of that call.
Clay, as he called himself, knew details about the killings that only the killer could know. Robin seems to think that the guy wants to get caught because why else would he have called the show?
Howard said they did turn over tape of the show to the FBI. He said that yesterday they discovered a serial killer, today they'll be doing dick jokes. He had Fred doing his Marv Albert impression a bit and encouraged him to do the ''YESH!'' thing over and over again.
Howard had some audio clips of Hideki Irabu at a press conference. He played some clips of a guys speaking in an Asian language that wasn't understandable. He goofed around with that for a minute.
Howard said he's not sure what happened to the movie but they were telling him that they might get it back together by the end of the year. He said that the script was good and it should have been a fun one to do. He said that he would have been able to hop into the sack with a couple of hot broads if he had done it.
The caller asked Howard if he thinks he would have gotten wood in the bedroom scenes if he had done the movie. He said of course he would.
Another caller asked Howard about going into Canada with the radio show. Howard said that he is going to be going into Montreal and he hopes to go on in Toronto and other places up there. He said that the show is finally going international and his dream is coming true. He said they start up there in September and they'll be on CHUM FM.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that the news about the serial killer made the news down in New Orleans. He said it was only on one channel down there though. Howard said that the FBI was so intrigued by the call because the guy knew so many details that only the killer would know. He said that he thinks that they had the real killer on the phones and maybe he'll call back with more.
Howard said he thinks that guy called because he wanted credit for the killing. He said that if anyone else out there feels they want credit for something like that, they should call the show.
She kept telling Howard that she wants him and how great he is. Howard told her that he can't date her until she's 18 but she really wants to meet him. He said that there's too much risk in doing that. He had some fun talking about what could happen if he did meet her. He said that's like Elvis getting Priscilla when she was 14 years old.
Howard wondered if he had anything in common with this girl. He asked her if she's into comic books. She said she's not. Howard said that she might be too mature for him then. Howard asked her about the pictures she has of him and what she does with them. She said that she has them in a book and shows them to her friends.
Michelle's mother picked up the phone at one point and Michelle yelled at her to get off. She did hang up so Howard and Robin were impressed that she had that power over her mother.
Howard talked to Michelle for a little longer about what she wears to school and what she does in camp. She got kicked out of camp. Howard said that she could end up being a stripper by the time she's 14. Michelle said that could happen. She said she didn't want that to happen though.
Howard asked if she saw his movie. She said she saw it the day it came out. She got tickets from her brother's girlfriend. She said she fell more in love with him even more after that. Howard told her that he can't date her now so she should call back in about 5 years. He told her that he should be looking for an 18 year old by that time. She wanted him now and said she wants to meet him now. She said she needs him.
Howard said that he's not Joe Piscapo so he can't date such a young girl. He said that he has to wait until she's 18. He told her to keep that tummy flat and to use that as a mantra. ''Flat tummy, flat tummy...'' He told her that he wants to date a hard body. She said she just wants him.
Robin told Michelle that she'd probably get up there and have no idea what to say to Howard. Robin also asked Howard if he thinks his daughters are having feelings like this for guys. He said he hopes not.
Howard asked her if she's in her pajamas now. A short time later her mother came back on and said she was going to kill her because she heard her on the radio. Michelle yelled at her once again and the mother got off the phone. She had her trained very well. Michelle told her that she knows she loves Howard so she should leave her alone.
Howard said that maybe Michelle's mother got upset when she heard her say that she wasn't hot. Howard said maybe he should go out with her mom. Michelle said that she'd have to kill him if he did that. Howard said that she's nuts. He asked her what she has as a fantasy. She just kept telling Howard that he was her fantasy.
Howard told the mother to come back on the phone so he could ask her some questions. She came back on a few seconds later. She told Howard that Michelle's whole bedroom wall is decorated with pictures of Howard.
Michelle started demanding that her mother bring her to New York to come on the show. The mother said that she didn't think that was going to happen. Michelle said that she has to bring her down tomorrow.
The mother said that Michelle won't even leave the house because she's afraid that she's going to miss out on something about Howard on TV. The two of them started arguing so Howard said that maybe he should date both of them. Michelle said that she would have to kill Howard if he did that.
Michelle was yelling at her mom to hang up the phone again and she did get her off. Michelle said that she has to come down there to see him. Howard wasn't sure that it would be a good idea though because he was seeing a side of her that he didn't like too much.
Howard told Michelle to get her mother back on the phone so they could talk about getting her down there. He thinks that she blew it for herself. Howard decided that he'd like to have her come in so he put her on hold and went to break.
Howard talked to Grandpa about Flip Wilson's penis for a few seconds. Grandpa didn't know why he'd want to do something like that to his penis. Howard also talked about how great The Munsters was. He said he loves the wacky old coot on the phone.
Howard told Robin to guess where Grandpa was going to be appearing this weekend. She had no idea so Howard broke the news to her that it was at a nudist colony. Robin asked if he was going to be naked there. He said he won't.
Howard asked Grandpa about being with the woman that's young enough to be his granddaughter. Grandpa said that's his wife. Howard asked him about the appearance he's making and what he's going to be doing there. He said that he will be judging a beauty pageant and a talent contest.
Howard asked Al if he's going to judge the contest naked. He said that it depends on his mood that day. He said that if he does get naked, he'll get a bunch of offers to do porn. He said that he still works these days and he could do that stuff.
Howard started to wrap up with Grandpa but he asked him if he kept anything from the old Munsters show. He said that he doesn't collect anything and he's not interested in anything like that. Howard was about to let him go but Robin asked if they can cover the event. Grandpa said that he'll call in when he's up there.
Howard let Grandpa go a short time later and Fred played The Munsters theme song. Howard made up some lyrics for the song about Al. Howard told Gary that they should send a camera along with Al to cover him at the nudist thing. Gary said they could do that.
Howard muted his voice and talked over the guy saying he had no idea what he was talking about. He let the guy ramble on and on about his job and the concert and a bunch of other stuff. The guy was going on and on about this Tori Spelling thing.
Howard interrupted the guy but the guy said that there's more to the story. Howard muted his voice again and talked about what a friggin' bore this guy was. He said there has to be a place where people like that just don't exist and that place must be heaven. He let the guy ramble on and on a little longer about Tori Spelling. The guy was saying some weird stuff about her so Howard gave up and hung up on the guy. He asked someone to poke out his eardrums with a pencil.
Howard heard that Flip had his penis widened for some reason. When Flip came in he told Howard the real story. He had an implant put in his penis so he can inflate it with a pump! He says that he doesn't have a problem getting aroused on his own but he gets so many women that he has to keep inflating it to keep up. The implant cost $35,000!
Flip went to one doctor and had the implant done. It came out crooked so he went back to the doctor. The doctor told him that he wasn't doing it over again so he had to go to another doctor and pay another $35,000 for another implant. He said that he has a $70,000 penis!
Flip sounded very hyper during the whole segment. He was rambling on about a bunch of different things. He told Howard that he really wanted to meet the lovely Robin and that his son met her a couple of years ago. He mentioned that he owns like 7 companies and makes plenty of money. Flip said he has a few children. His 27 year old daughter came with him today.
Flip offered to demonstrate his penis pump if Robin would pump it up. She didn't want to do it so Robin Radzinski from E! came in and did it instead. Flip pulled down his pants and underwear and let her pump it up a bit. She wanted to wear a rubber glove but Flip didn't want her to. From what Howard was saying it doesn't sound like Flip has much of a penis to begin with.
Flip said that he's going to be doing a 9,000 mile motorcycle ride around the country in the near future and may be in the area again so he'll call. There's no way he can out do himself if he does come back on. Howard went to break a short time later.
The E! guys replayed the tape of Flip taking down his pants. Howard said that those underpants of his looked kind of old and ratty. He described what was going on in the clip as they were playing it. Robin said that he wasn't all that big in the pants. They talked about the time that Sebastian Bach showed his penis in there too.
Howard said that he had Don King coming in next. He said that if he wants to come in he has to show his penis.
Howard took some phone calls and spoke to some fans about various things. One woman called in sounding kind of out of it so Howard asked her what was wrong with her voice. She said that she was choked by her old boyfriend. Now she has a new boyfriend. She also said that she shot him in the ass and he still didn't learn. Howard said he had to go because he couldn't take her voice. She was just calling to say she likes his show better than the John Boy and Billy show. Howard told her to come down to see them so they can choke her too.
Another woman called in and said that she was calling from Dallas where they're doing a Save Our Howard thing. they're trying to keep him on the radio down there because the Dallas station is going to be removing him. Howard figured that about 50 people were going to show up and it wasn't going to work. She said they have a lot of people they're getting together and they're doing their best to save him.
Howard tried to interview Don about the whole Mike Tyson / Evander Holyfield thing but Don was set on promoting the fights. Howard said that he thought it was funny how he said he didn't see anything when he was asked about the ear biting incident. Don said he was just there to promote the fights that were going on. Don did say that what Tyson did was indecent and wrong but didn't go much beyond that. He said that he's not going to discuss it with them today. He then started promoting all of those fights and just talked over Robin and Howard.
Howard told Don that he thought that was one of the greatest fights ever. He explained how he had paid for the fight and watched it and thought that the ear biting thing was great. Don didn't want to talk about that at all so he tried to get Howard to move on to other things. He just wanted to promote the upcoming fights. Don said that they are going to try and get Mike some help though.
Howard gave Don some plugs for the fights that he was there to promote. Robin said that she's going to go to see them.
Howard spoke to Don about a few other fighters and some stuff that's been reported about them in the news. Howard also let a few guys on the phone ask Don questions. The first caller asked him about Tyson's training and if maybe he didn't do enough of it. Another guy did an impression of Don yelling but he wasn't easy to understand. Howard started to wrap up with Don a short time later but he got a call from Al Michaels who mentioned that they're going to have a replay of the Tyson/Holyfield fight. The guys spent a little more time talking about that fight with Don before they went to break. Don was still talking as they went to break.
Al also had a story to tell about Ray Liotta. Al was at the new Barbara Walters daytime show when he ran into Ray Liotta. Ray has been on the show in the past so Al said something to Ray about that. Ray said that he had never been on the Howard Stern show in his life. He's been on the phone a couple of times.. Al just didn't understand why Ray would do something like that unless he's a closet listener or something.
Howard brought up Marv Albert and asked if Al thinks that his career is done after what happened to him recently. Al said he's not sure about that. Howard said he never thought he was all that great because he 'yucks'' a little too much. He said that his delivery is really strange and no human being really talks like that. Al said that he just doesn't have the range that a lot of those guys do so that's why he doesn't talk like that. Howard asked Al if he's ever been to a dominatrix. Al said he has not.
Howard asked Al if he's been doing stuff with Frank Gifford. Al said that they have worked together a couple of times and he has spoken to him about the problems he'd been having. He said he hasn't seen Kathie Lee since that all went down though.
In the past Al has avoided talking about his old friend OJ Simpson's guilt. Today he finally did. Al said that he doesn't hang out with OJ anymore. He said that he thinks that a lot of people who used to hang out with OJ don't hang out with him anymore. Howard asked him if he thought that OJ was guilty. Al said that he can't ignore the evidence.
Al talked about the call screener who let the prank caller through on ABC when he did the ''I see OJ...'' call. He said that the screener is now over at CNN.
Howard said that he just ran into Ray Liotta on an airplane the other day and he doesn't know why he'd deny being on the show like that. He let Al go a short time later and said that he's a cool guy.
Howard asked him if he knows the name of the song. Bob said the name but it wasn't quite ''ace of spades.'' Howard asked him what some of the other lyrics were. When he tried to say what they were, they still weren't very clear. He tried singing some of them again for Howard.
Howard said that Bob is going to be getting married and he wants to do it on the air. He said he's not sure he wants to do all of that on the air. He said that it would probably be boring to the audience. Howard asked him about the girl he's with and Bob said that things are going just fine.
Howard said he heard that Bob got into a fight in Cleveland. Bob said that he did. He was making an appearance out there and some guy sat in his chair so he beat him up. He had gone to the bathroom and when he came back, the guy was in his seat. He asked for the chair back but the guy gave him a hard time. Robin had to interpret some of that for Howard since he wasn't understanding it all.
Howard said he heard that Bob picked the guy up with his good arm and threw him across the room. Howard said it's pretty bad when you get beat up by a retard.
Howard asked Bob to say ''George Crackhead Bob Harvey'' since that's his full name. Bob had some trouble with it but he was able to say it eventually. Howard had him repeating after him to say some other stuff that he'd have to say at his wedding. Bob had some trouble with that.
Howard had Robin get into her news a short time later. She read a story about a father that turned in his son for a thrill killing of a fire fighter. Howard talked to bob some more about what he did before he had his stroke. He used to be able to drive a car. Bob said that he can't even do that anymore. He said that he actually cheated to get his license. Howard wanted to see what else they could get Bob to do. He wanted to have him try mountain climbing or water ski. Bob said that he did mountain climb one time.
Robin read through some more of her news and had a story about Jon Benet Ramsey. Crackhead Bob did a strange thing and made some weeping sounds. Howard didn't get why he was doing that and goofed on him about that.
Howard brought up the story about that serial killer that called in and how the FBI was asking for tape. He said that they cooperated with them fully of course.
Robin read through some more stories about Abner Louima, Claudia Shiffer and David Copperfield, and also about a new law for car jackers in Louisiana. That led to Howard talking about a guy who was being prosecuted for electrocuting an intruder in his home. Howard said that they had a guy out on the street interviewing people about that subject. He played those clips where most of the white people say it was okay to do that. When they interviewed some African American people, they thought that it was wrong to do that. Some of them said that it was a little harsh to electrocute an intruder. Jackie was laughing at some of those answers.
Robin got back to some more news. She read one about Tico Tores from Bon Jovi who gave some paintings of his own to Spike Lee to use in a movie. Now they've gone missing. She said that they were listed as being worth $30,000. Howard said that if they were worth 30 grand, they must have been in solid gold frames.
Howard took a call from a black guy who wanted to yell at him about the interviews he'd just played. Howard said they really just went out and picked people at random. The caller said that it had to have taken about 100 interviews to get those answers. Howard swore that he didn't doctor the tape. The caller didn't believe him. He said that any intelligent person wouldn't have given those answers.
Gary came in and said that they really didn't doctor the tape and they just went out on the street in front of the building and picked random people. The caller said that he thinks that they were all homeless people. The caller said that he thinks that anyone who breaks into your house should be fried. Gary told him that he's in the minority then.
Another caller went off on Howard about those interviews too. Howard told the guy that they did those interviews right out there in front of the building and they didn't just pick them out on purpose.
Robin read some more stories and had one about the guy who played Bubba in Forrest Gump and how he's had trouble finding roles since that movie. She also read a story about the Gulf war and how they had blown up some chemical weapons and the resulting toxic cloud may have hit thousands of troops that were over there.
Robin read through some other stories about a woman who was hit by a train and ended up finding out that she had a brain tumor so it saved her life. She had a couple of other quick stores that she read before wrapping up her news. Howard ended the show after giving Bob some more plugs for an appearance he was making the next night. Howard ended the show around 9:45am (Master Tape Theatre time).