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Howard and the guys returned from vacation this morning. Howard started the show talking about the interesting week he had. He said he had a week off without America's Got Talent. He said he had laryngitis and a cold all week. He said he always lucks out. Robin said he managed to screw it up. Howard said he did. He said he got charged up and he only slept for 3 hours over two days. He said he got charged up over not having work and being on vacation. He said he would start his day at 1 in the morning. He said he gets charged up. Howard said he hopes he learned a lesson from it. Howard said he didn't recover until yesterday. He said he stayed inside while it was beautiful out.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wanted to ask a question about AGT. He said Heidi keeps her glass right in front of Howard's face on the show. He asked why. Howard told him to figure it out. The caller said she's in love with him. Howard said she isn't in love with him. He said that there is only one reason she'd move just one cup. Howard said the answer is that when they were taping it occurred to him that she's a very good looking girl. He said people complained that they couldn't see her titties so he told her to move the Snapple cup. He said the cup blocks her titties and people will hate Snapple for blocking them. Howard said he mentioned it to the producers and they moved the cup. The caller said that's why Howard is a genius. Howard said she's known for her titties and they're blocking her reason for being there. Howard said it's the same for Mel B. Howard said there is no reason to block their beauty. He said that Heidi adds the glamour to the show.
Howard let the caller go and said he was shocked when people asked about that cup blocking the view. Robin told him to show her those letters. Howard said he thinks he got one from Fred and one from Benjy. Howard said he actually is pretty sure he got some calls about it. Howard said he mentioned it to Heidi and to Jason Raff. He said they're blocking 3/4 of her body with that cup. He said he doesn't have to move his cup. He said he'd rather block his face with those cups.
Howard said it does look funny with the cup moved. He said he almost took a sip from her cup. Howard said she's a super model and she was dressing rather ordinary on top with a mini skirt on the bottom. He said people might think he's out of line talking about that but that's the reason she's there. Howard said the desk gets in the way there. He said on The Voice they don't have a table to get in the way.
Howard said now you know the whole story. Robin said maybe they need to change the set up there. Howard said that would change the show. He said that they brought Heidi in for her looks. He said they didn't bring her in for her searing look at life.
Howard said that he can imagine what went on in that strip club. He had Fred play some music in the background as he did an impression of Maya talking to guys at the strip club. Howard said he didn't know she was a stripper. He said that's pretty awesome.
Howard said he wrote a poem. He read that poem about Maya to Robin. Here's how it went: ''Maya. Ms. You. God and you and I and she and we. Oprah. Gayle. Latifah. Jackie Harry from Room 227. We all speak your name. God will welcome you. Yes She will.''
Howard said he could imagine Lonnie from scores yelling at Maya at the strip club. He said it's possible that Ronnie got a lap dance from her at a strip club. He said they're about the same age. Robin said maybe Ronnie can tell them what that was like. Howard said he can't imagine the creep cumming in his pants from her giving him the knee in his crotch.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he looks fantastic on AGT. Howard said it was a fun first show. He said he used his golden buzzer. He said people were complimenting him on that. He said the guys he saved were very funny. The caller agreed. The guy said that the girls don't get that whole Three Stooges thing. Howard said tomorrow night is another episode of AGT. The caller said that first kid was great. Howard said he thought so too. He said it didn't appear he was playing when they had the track over him. He said on TV it looked a little better but he had to have him play more live.
The caller said that the dancing couple was great too. Howard didn't know who he was talking about at first. The guy explained who they were and Howard remembered and then let the guy go.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked about the prank Nick pulled on them. Howard said he thought it was hysterical. He said he started freaking out when he walked on stage. Howard said he stood his ground though. He said he was sitting there wondering why security wasn't going up there. He said he had no idea it was Nick. He said he watched the replay and he wondered how he didn't know.
Howard said he doesn't like pranks aimed at him but that wasn't aimed at him. He said that he'd have to kill someone if they did something to him.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked how hot Mel B looks. Howard said she looks terrific. The caller said when he first saw her he didn't know what to do to himself. Howard said she looks great. Howard said she has her tits out there.
Howard played some clips from the show where Sal talked about his thoughts on God. Howard and Robin talked about how nutty he sounded talking about God speaking to him.
Howard played another clip where Sal talked about jerking off in his car while driving home. Howard said Sal is in such rapture that he can't contain himself. He said he could have cum into a bag or something. Robin said that Sal is shocked that it made a mess. Howard said he's a maniac. He said he can't wait just like a dog can't wait. Howard said Richard was talking about taking baths at a friend's house and the friend jerks off in front of him. He said he would bathe with his friend. Howard said this is crazy too. He played a clip of Richard talking about he and his friend jerking off in front of each other.
Howard said Richard claims he was 12 or 13 but he's going to add a few years to that. He said there was no way he would get in a tub with a friend at that age. Howard said there's no way any of that would happen with him. Howard played more of the clip and Richard was talking about his friend threatening to jerk off into the bath water and he made him go into the toilet. Howard said Sal and Richard are really made for each other. He said they don't think anything is weird.
Gary said he got a call from his agent's office saying that the Today show was looking for him to talk about the pitch. Howard said they want to know what it felt like for him. Howard said you have to know on some level that you can't throw. He wondered why anyone would put themselves through that. Robin said she just saw the pitch. She was laughing as she said that.
Howard said that 50 Cent is more of a man than Gary will ever be. He said he took 9 bullets. Gary said someone told him that everyone hated the police before 9/11 but after that everyone loved him. He said he needs a bad pitch to make him look not so bad. Howard said Gary always thinks he's funny when he's not.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks. King said he tweeted out a picture of himself over the weekend and people were saying that he looks good. He said Gary chimed in and said he looks horrible telling him to put up a current picture with a newspaper next to him. He said he went out and did that and put it up there. He said Gary didn't respond. Gary said he was going to respond and tell him to hop on one leg.
Howard said they took a picture of King and one of Gary and went out on the street and asked people what they thought. Howard said Sal and Richard took them out there and he was right. Howard said King killed Gary in the poll. Howard said only two people thought Gary had a good look. Howard played the clip of Richard and Sal asking people who looked more attractive. Everyone was saying that King looked better. They were picking Gary apart over his moustache and the odd look of his clothes and mouth. Someone thought Gary was Pakistani.
King asked Gary why he didn't respond to him. Gary said he was bored. Gary said King put that picture up to show he was better looking than him. He said he went on with his life after that. King said he didn't put the picture up thinking about Gary. He said he thought he was looking good and just put the picture up. He said he wasn't aiming it toward Gary. Gary said he put it up and he goofed on him telling him to put the paper up there. Howard asked why he's so involved with him. Gary said he's not looking at his Twitter. He said he spends like 11 seconds looking at him. Howard said he's way more important than King of All Blacks. Gary said there is no doubt about that.
Howard said Gary is lowering himself to getting involved. Gary said they're into it now. Howard said he doesn't know. King said Gary's job is more important with his job but not as a human being. Howard said he agrees.
Gary said he was on vacation when he did it. King asked why he would be involved on vacation. Howard said the guy is right. Gary said it took 10 seconds to respond. He said it's more interesting that he set his alarm to get up to talk about it this morning. King said he's up at 4 every morning. He said he doesn't understand why Gary is involved with him. Howard said it is odd. He said that Rob Burnett isn't attacking Letterman fan's pictures. Gary said he wants all of this involvement there and this kind of feeds that. Howard said that's not for Gary. He said he's the executive producer of this show.
Howard said that guy in the clip earlier was right telling Gary he should change his look. Howard said he doesn't get why he's involved with this guy either. Gary said they should cut the shit. He said Howard isn't trying to help him. He said he's just fucking with him. Howard said he should wear a turban like a real Pakistani.
Howard said that this brings Gary down a bit being involved with this guy. Howard said he shouldn't be talking to the fans like that. Gary said he should never take his calls again then. Howard said that's not what it's about. Howard said if he calls in on the show then he can come in. Howard said that Gary is on Twitter and he shouldn't be involved. He said he was out in L.A. on vacation and he was tweeting. Gary said this was before he left. Howard said he's got so much going on though. He said it seems to him that maybe he'd have something better to do than write to King of All Blacks on Twitter.
Howard said if he was attacked by Eric the Actor on Twitter he wouldn't even know it. He said that he's not going to write him back. He said Gary is bigger than all of that and he shouldn't be dealing with that. King said he's way bigger than him in the world of entertainment. Gary said he hears him. He said he doesn't need to say more.
King said Gary is acting like Floyd Mayweather. He tried explaining that to Howard and Howard said they're getting a little crazy with this. He said that this is making Gary seem like he's simple. He said he knows he's not but it makes it seem like he is. Gary said that's a stretch but he understands what he's saying.
Howard said he doesn't think Gary should have even been out at Citi Field throwing that pitch. Howard said he just went out and did it. Howard said he would have suggested that he not do it. Gary said he doesn't think he did that once. Howard said Gary is a behind the scenes producer but he is on the air and has The Wrap Up Show. Howard said he still doesn't think he should have been out there. Howard said it was great radio but he becomes a buffoon. Gary said he was a buffoon before that. Howard said he understands rolling around in the mud with King on the air but not off the air.
King said even his wife was wondering why he was talking to him. He said she thought Gary looked fine though. Howard said he did wonder why Gary was involved with him so much. He said Gary shouldn't even know how to tweet with King. Howard said the best way to get to him is to ignore him. Howard said he has guys on Twitter who beg him to argue with them. He said it drives them crazy when he doesn't respond. Howard said the most happening people don't know how to use Twitter. He said they're busy conducting a life. Howard said if you know everything about Twitter then you're a fucking loser. Robin said he just got to JD with that. Howard said JD knows everything about Twitter and there lies your answer.
Howard said that there are guys who know how to get back on Twitter after they're kicked off. He said that that's the saddest thing out there. He said the whole thing is loser-ish. He said it's crazy. Howard said it's very warm in there. He took some clothes off and then went to break.
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Howard said Jonah Hill is coming in tomorrow. He said he's promoting 22 Jump Street and he just saw a preview of it and it's very funny. Robin said even the previews are funny. Howard said Roseanne Barr is coming in too. Howard said Willie Nelson will be in soon as well. He said Tan Mom and Milf Mom will be doing their weigh in there too.
Howard said a lot of people are calling in about JD going out to direct an episode of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Howard said he has a lot of notes about it and it looks like he didn't embarrass himself. Howard said he has some tape too. He said it's tape of JD directing. Howard said it was kind of disappointing that he did well. Howard said he was talking to Danny DeVito and Danny was taking him seriously. Howard said that's everything they didn't want to happen.
Howard played a clip where JD is directing Danny but you can't hear Danny. Howard said he's not sure who recorded this. He said you can hear JD but not Danny. Howard played the clip and you could hear Danny just fine.
JD came in and Howard said that he kind of came to life when he was doing that job. JD said he was prepared and he executed it. He said it came out about what he expected it to be. Howard had a clip of JD talking to the cast in rehearsal. Howard said that JD gave Glenn Howard a suggestion and Glenn told him it might not work so JD backed down. Then he came back and pushed for what he was asking for. JD said everyone seemed to be okay and they liked this thoughts. Howard asked if Gregg Karmel is there yet. He was out there with JD.
JD said he's not in the director's guild so he's not sure if they can use it. He said the other guy took over and said ''action'' and all of that. Howard said he thinks the DGA would look past that and let them use it. He said it's kind of like a Take your Kid to Work Day kind of thing. Howard said it's like taking your special kid to work. He said he's pretty sure if the director was on set it'll be fine. JD said even if they don't use the footage it was a higher version of film school for him.
Howard said he got to direct a real TV show. Howard asked if they told him to come back and do a whole episode. JD said they didn't but they told him that everything is up to him and he should go do it if that's what he wants.
Howard asked how they let Danny DeVito know why he was there. JD said he isn't sure. He said he wasn't there when they told him but he's pretty sure there was an explanation. Howard said Danny was very nice to him in the tapes. He said JD was laughing and giggling at everything he said. Howard said he has tape of JD telling Danny DeVito what a cock ring is and things like that. Howard said JD is an expert at all of that. Howard played a clip of JD telling Danny what the cock ring is.
Howard said JD was calling Danny ''dude'' and ''bro.'' He said he was pretty loose in that. JD said he did call him ''Mr. DeVito'' too. Howard asked if he is half his height. JD said he came up to about where his chest is. Howard said everyone was super nice to him because they thought he was a make a wish kid or something. JD said he was a make a wish kid with a lot of good ideas. Howard said they probably told everyone he had leukemia and he was from another country.
Howard said Danny thought he still had a good appetite. Howard said they probably told him his belly is distended because he's really ill. Howard asked if they told Danny he was a guest director. JD said it wasn't in front of him. He said they told him earlier in the day. Howard said he was wondering if they doped him up for the scene. Howard said he must be in his late 60s and he must want to get out of there. He said he has to be part of the Howard Stern Show now. Howard said he must want to be in a scene where he's not involved.
Howard said when he's doing AGT he would get so annoyed if they did something like that to him. Howard said he just found out that Danny is going to be 70 this year. He said he knows he doesn't want anything to do with the Howard Stern Show at this point. Howard said if someone told him that Elvis Duran had a guy from his show coming to AGT to direct a scene he'd be really annoyed.
Howard said he's thrilled for JD. He said he can't believe Danny put up with him though. Howard said JD was laughing at everything Danny said. Howard played some more audio of JD laughing at Danny. They were just talking before they shot the scene. Robin thought they were rehearsing but JD said they were just hanging out talking.
Howard said they must have told Danny something to get him to deal with JD. Howard said he didn't sound so excited when JD called for action. Howard played the clip of JD saying ''action'' in a very mellow way. Howard asked if he had a chair that said ''JD'' on it. JD said he did. He said they had a thing of monitors in another room but he preferred to be there on the set while they shot the scene.
Howard played another clip where JD mumbled something to the cast about the scene. Howard made up how they told Danny how to deal with that. In the scene JD was trying to say cut but he was laughing through the whole thing. Howard said they didn't even hear him. JD then said something that they didn't understand. Howard said it sounds like he had an interpreter there for him. They ignored his direction and took it from the top. JD said he's an easy going director. Howard said it sounds like the Assistant Director is butting heads with him. JD said it wasn't like that.
Howard asked Gary to come in and tell them a story about trying to take JD to a party that he didn't want to go to. Howard said that it was really nice of those guys from ''It's Always Sunny'' to do that for JD out there. He said that he and Gary talk about JD and how he seems to be missing the gene where someone gets excited. Howard said that they'll ask JD about a great guest and JD will just say ''It was alright.'' Howard said he interprets that as him not liking someone but that's just the way he is.
JD said he can't show things externally. He said he has it inside. Gary said he has never been with him where he says ''that was fucking great.''
Howard said Gary was out in L.A. and JD was there too. Howard said Gary got a call from John Stamos who was having a party. Howard said Stamos is a great guy and he does all of this stuff for the guys from the show. Gary said the party was being held by one of the creators of ''Full House.'' He said the guy is really nice and he has a ton of money. He said it was Tom Jones' 73rd birthday and they were having it for him.
Gary said JD didn't get the email right away. He said he wasn't sure if he could make it when he asked about it. Gary told Gregg to tell JD he should go. Howard asked if JD thought he was too shlubby looking or something. JD said he doesn't know. Gary said he thought that JD was going to go back to his room or do this. JD said he didn't know how long the set days were and how long he'd be working. Gary said JD didn't say he really wanted to go. He just said he didn't want to go.
Gary said he got Gregg to make JD come to the party. Howard asked what he wore. Gary said it was something like what he's wearing now. Howard let out a sigh.
Gary said the first person they ran into was David O Russell. He said that he is a huge director. He said that's the kind of guy JD should meet. Gary said he's a huge fan of the show too. He said JD had a little conversation with him. JD said he actually didn't talk to him at all. He said he introduced himself though. Gary told Howard about some of the people who were there. Johnny Knoxville and Jillian Barberie were a couple of the names that came up. Gary said JD ended up watching a Reds game while they were there.
Gary said that there was a van waiting there for them to shuttle them to their car. He said that he asked JD what he thought about the party and JD wasn't excited about it at all. Gary said his son was there and even he noticed that JD wasn't very excited about it. Howard said that's something else. JD said it was very nice of John Stamos to let him come.
Gary said he was on the set of It's Always Sunny and they said JD was really good and he had some good ideas and he was a good listener.
Howard had Gregg Karmel on the phone and asked how he thought it went. Gregg said JD was very well prepared and he did good. He said he thinks that one of the female actors was into him. He said she was into him and JD didn't bite. JD said he doesn't know about that. Gregg said she was talking to him the whole night. JD said she was talking to him about where she was from and all of that. Howard said that she must have thought he was one of those weird directors. Gary said that Howard is so right. He said he was the director in the scene. He said she had no idea what he really does. JD said she was good looking too.
Gregg said that JD was bragging about his ''The Three Faces of Ronnie'' never got its due. Howard asked what this girl was wearing at the dinner. JD said she had a short black dress on that looked like a long t-shirt. Howard said someone probably told her that he was from Korea. Howard did his impression of JD mumbling.
Gregg said he's not sure why JD didn't take that girl up on her offer. He said she was giving him a window to take her out or something. JD said he didn't hear any of that. He said he wasn't getting that from her at all. JD said he didn't think of offering to take her to her car or anything. JD said maybe he was playing hard to get or something.
Howard said the bottom line is that he didn't do anything to embarrass himself. Howard said they must have told the cast that he was a make a wish kid.
Gary said he has to thank the guys out there for letting JD do all of this. He said they could have just had him there for one day but they had him there for 5 days and they let him do a lot of stuff. They taught him a lot of things while he was there too. JD said he may be shadowing the director on the new Tracy Morgan show too. Gary said they're going to be shooting that new show soon.
Gregg said that JD was petting the dog at the big Hollywood party they were at. He said every time he saw him he was doing that. JD said he was either doing that or looking at the fish tank.
Howard said he's happy for JD. He said he was worried about him. JD said all he needs now is a directing agent. Howard said that poor dog was stuck with JD and he probably just wanted to meet Stamos. Howard said he's watching the Reds game in the corner.
Howard took a call from Hanzi who asked if they're going to get him some work too. Howard said he's a tough sell. Hanzi said he's not but they don't want to give him a chance. Howard told him to stop it. Howard said the word is out there that he wants to be on a TV show. Howard said the first step is to get out of his parents basement. Howard said that would be the first step. Hanzi said he has no reason to do that because people will keep him down. Howard said he has to take a break. Hanzi told him not to hang up on him. Howard said he's just lucky that he lets him on the show. Hanzi said he's going to hang up on him because he called the Opie and Anthony show. Howard said he can call them all day long if he wants. Hanzi said they have promised him so many things and they never come through with it. Howard said he's right and hung up on him. Hanzi got out ''You're a...'' when Howard hung up. They played the Imran Khan song parody as they went to break.
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Howard came back and said he was watching the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame when the E Street Band were inducted. He said they must have had like 27 guys in the band. Howard said Bruce must have had to split the money up with them all. Gary said they inducted like 9 people total. Howard said it was kind of annoying when they all got up and played. Howard said they had too many guitar players up there. Gary said they can have 3 guitar players on stage at the same time. Howard said it's just too many.
Howard said they're back live and they missed out a few things while they were away. Howard said that he has a clip of a guy who taped himself masturbating that he played before vacation. Howard replayed some of that guy whispering as he was watching himself beating off. Howard said he loves when he says he loves being a man.
Howard said there are a million things you can do with that clip. Howard played a prank call the guys made to a guy using clips of the guy talking about how he's a pervert and talking about his swollen penis. The guy on the line asks if he's kidding him. He told him he doesn't know who he is but he didn't hang up. He asked how he got his number. He eventually hung up.
Howard said that's great. He said they also found a tape of Ronnie masturbating. He said that's with his own commentary. Howard played that clip where Ronnie is talking about how hard it is to get it up these days. He was saying he wanted to cum all over his NASCAR tire and he can't wait to dribble a little cum on that. Howard had to cut it off. He said that's more than he thought he could get through.
Howard said he went on iTunes and this is disturbing him. He said he got into some music over the vacation. He said that he got into Peter Frampton. He said he was watching video of Peter and Leslie West playing together. Howard said he was a real talent when it came to guitar playing. He said he had a huge live album and it sold something crazy. He said it was like 25 million copies or something like that. Howard said he was in Humble Pie and some other band. Fred said he'd have to look that up. Howard said he had Frampton's Camel too. Howard said the guy was a real talent. Howard said he wanted to hear this one Peter Frampton song ''Do You Feel Like We Do.'' Howard said he went to download it and it said he had to download the whole album. Howard said he was fine with that and then he figured he couldn't even get the whole album. Howard said he isn't sure why they won't let you download the single.
Howard said Frampton's big live album sold 11 million copies. He said that's pretty good. Howard said he has a clip of Frampton playing ''While My Guitar Gently Weeps.'' Howard said he'd go see him in concert. Howard said he still sings pretty good too.
Howard said he finds it mysterious that you can't get that one single from Frampton. Howard said he is upset about that too. Howard said he's not sure why he even got into this. He said no one cares. He said he cared at the time.
Howard said when he has a good song on iTunes he gives it 5 stars. He said that way he can keep a list of his favorite songs. Howard played some of the Frampton song he was talking about. He said he thinks this song is great. He had Fred cut it off a few seconds later.
Howard said he has a guy on the phone who says he knows why Frampton got ruined. The caller said he had a photo on the cover of Rolling Stone where he had his shirt open. He said Frampton says they said they weren't going to use the photo but they did and then he dropped like a rock. Howard said he never had a hit with a studio album either. He said it was only the live album. Fred said his following album was shit too. He also had a near fatal car crash that could have contributed to that.
Howard said that song ''30 Days in the Hole'' was another big hit. He said everything went kablooey after that. The caller said that everybody was playing it everywhere and then he just fell out of favor. He said he loves the show and he can't believe they waited a week to hear a half hour of King of All Blacks. He said other than that everything is wonderful. Howard let the guy go after that.
Howard said he's having a hard time finding someone to stick a finger in him. He said Gay Rich turned them down. Howard said Benjy has to weigh less than 206.6 pounds by July 21st.
Howard said they called Eric the Actor to ask if he'd be involved. He had a clip of Sal calling Eric. Eric asked what stupid thing they want him to do now. Sal asked if he knows what's going on with Benjy. Eric said he knows about the finger in the ass. Sal said the deal is that they know he has small hands. He asked if he'd shove his little hand up his ass. Eric asked if he's insane. He said he's not going anywhere near that ass. He yelled at Sal and hung up.
Howard said that would have been like nothing for his asshole. Howard said he's trying to see if Benjy looks any thinner. He said he isn't sure what he weighed last. Benjy said he was 243.6 pounds. Howard said that he wants to see if he gained. Benjy got on the scale and he came in at 236.2. Howard said he's lost 7 pounds already. Howard said that's responsible. Howard said if he loses 7 every week he'll be down 42. Benjy said it's been two weeks though. Howard said someone is going to sick a finger up his ass. Howard said they will find someone to do it.
Howard asked what family event he went to. Benjy said they had a birthday party and a wedding that they went to. Benjy said he's been invited to a ton of events.
Howard played a clip of Wolfie talking to someone at the convention. Howard said he wonders how many people show up to something like this. He said he wished he had Wolfie on the phone. Howard said this is something his dad might like. He did his father's voice talking about the VHS fanatics like the guy Wolfie was interviewing.
Howard played more of the interview with the guy talking about how into VHS tape he was. One guy said he had close to 600 tapes in his collection. He said his room smells musty from them.
Howard wondered how you know how to tap into a market like that. Howard said that Wiz Khalifa will be there soon. He said he's running late. He went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that Wiz Khalifa is running late. Robin asked what happened. Howard said he might be there at 8:30 or maybe not. Howard said he's supposedly on his way. Howard said that the guy from the record company said he's on ''hip hop time.'' Howard said he's not. He said he wants to go home.
Howard asked Robin what she did last week. He wanted to call her but he was laid out. Robin said she was going to call him but she wasn't sure if he was traveling. Robin said she just watched Howard on AGT. Howard said a lot of people watched. He said that it was a fun bunch of tapings. He said a lot of people watched. Howard said they have links to the episode and things like that.
Robin said she was detoxing last week. Howard asked what that means. Robin said she was drinking juice and eating salads. Howard asked why she can't eat normally. Robin said she can't lose weight that way. Howard asked if she lost weight. Robin said she lost about 7 pounds in about a month. Howard said that's good. Howard said if she does that very month she'll be down to zero. Robin said she won't get fingered then.
Robin said she knows that Seth McFarlane's movie got beat out by Maleficent but his movie is great. Howard said he thought Seth was going to come in. Gary said he wanted to come in but he wasn't in town when they were on. Robin said the movie ''A Million Ways to Die in the West'' is very funny. She said Sarah Silverman is great in it. Howard said they refuse to send him movies. He said they're the only show that talks about movies like that and they can't get copies. Howard said he did get a copy of 22 Jump Street but it's tough to get anything else.
Gary said he can't believe he didn't get a copy of the Seth Rogen movie. Howard said he could have talked that Seth McFarlane movie up too. He said he didn't get a copy. Gary said all of the movie companies lie about it too. They say they don't send out copies when they know they do. Howard said he knows that Matt Lauer gets copies. Howard said maybe it's good he doesn't get them. He said he doesn't have time for that.
Howard said he has all of these hobbies now so he's studying video on how to do these things like watercolors and sketching. Howard said he starts watching them doing this stuff and he thinks he can do it in a week if he watches enough. Howard said he wants to be an expert in everything.
Howard said he doesn't want to go through the learning. He said he just wants to be an expert. He said that's how he gets sick. He makes himself sick. Howard said he's miserable.
Robin said she was going to tell him about this movie going experience. Robin said that they have theaters with the greatest seats that recline. Howard asked where they do that. Robin said it's at a theater in New Jersey. Robin said you pick your seat and you go in like a theater. Robin said that you go in and enjoy the movie. Robin said they have to compete with people watching movies at home. Howard said the theaters in New York are disgusting. He said they have bed bugs and it's just gross. Howard said in Florida you can walk into a theater without reservations. He said there in New York it's disgusting and ruined. Robin said the theater she was in was clean and very nice. Robin said everything worked fine. Howard told her to go back in about 3 months and there will be drinks all over and cum stains on the seats. Robin said the seats are roomy like seats on a first class flight.
Howard wondered what Fred did over vacation. Fred said they just hung out. He said he did things that he didn't usually have time to do. He said he caught up on all of his shit. He said he sucky part was that he kept getting up at 5 in the morning even though there was no reason to. Howard said he was up by 1 in the morning. Fred said that's horrible.
Benjy said there was an article years ago about how that's how you're supposed to sleep. He said you get up, stay up for an hour and then go back to bed. Howard said he can't go back to sleep though. He said he has too many thoughts. He said his art work is a curse. Howard said he painted a bowl of flowers and Beth liked it. He said he asked her not to put it up on her Twitter. He said that it's embarrassing. Fred said he wants to see it. Howard said he'll show Fred but only Fred. Fred saw it and said it looked great. Howard asked Benjy if he wanted to see it. Benjy took a look too. Howard said he was doing a primary colors only kind of thing. He said all of the browns were mixed by him. Benjy said that's actually very cool. Benjy said it looks a little too tight to him. He said it should be looser.
Howard showed the guys another picture of an alien head an a tree. Howard said this stuff was in his journal. Howard said he had his cat Yoda in there too. Howard said he had a tree that sits outside his house and some other bullshit there. Howard explained what he was doing with the pictures. Fred said he likes the technique. Robin told him to put it up on HowardStern.com. Howard said he's not going to do that.
Howard showed Benjy a thing he drew with pencils. Benjy asked if it was a woman. Howard said it is. Fred said it was eerie. Howard said he thinks it looks like Scott Shannon with a wig. Howard said he gets obsessed and that's what happens.
Howard showed Fred a shot of some things he painted that were on his desk. Howard said he had a tube of paint a bottle opener and something else. Fred said that's really good. He said he loves that kind of stuff. Benjy said he wants to compliment more than Fred. Howard showed Benjy too. Howard said that's a study of heads. Benjy said they're a sign of genius. Howard told him to sit down.
Howard said they had a great Celebrity Super Fan Roundtable show over vacation. Howard said they had a bunch of very funny people on the show. Howard ran down along list of the guests they had on the show. Howard said Gary was there too. Howard said it was really great.
Howard read some quotes from the show and talked about how great the show was. Howard said Ike Barinholtz took a quiz that Natalie Maines gave him and passed with all but one correct answer.
Howard said that they pooled their money and bought Eric the Actor a bowling ball from his Amazon wish list. Howard said that there were a lot of highlights from the show.
Howard said something really cool happened while they were away. Howard said they used to be on 92.3 K-Rock there in New York. Howard said when he left WNBC they went down hill. He said K-Rock has changed formats for the fourth time in 8 years. Howard said they were NOW Radio but now they're 92.3 Amp radio. Howard said they started the new format with a couple of pop songs. Howard said they fired all of the DJs and now they tell the jocks not to tell the audience what their names are. Howard said he thinks that's great. Howard said they just can't get it together over there. Howard asked Robin how proud she is of them. Robin said she's very proud. Robin said it's a great legacy.
Howard said the amp format does well out in L.A. according to a friend in the business. Howard said this person says that it appears they're rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic. Howard said this person also told him about how they told the jocks not to use their real names.
Howard asked Gary what's going on with Wiz. Gary said he was going to make the decision to cut him off at 8:45. Howard said he's not feeling great so he should tell them that they're going to call it off today. He said he wants to go home after ding the news. Howard said he did everything that he was supposed to do. He said he's not sure what he's supposed to do. He said normally he wouldn't care but he's getting over a cold. He said he's struggling a little bit.
Howard asked Robin if it's okay that he's canceling. Robin said she thinks so. She said they have to show the show some respect.
Howard took a call from a woman who said Mariann should writer her stuff down like Bobo. She also said that she loved Doug Stanhope and Bingo interview. Howard said he did too.
The caller said she had some advice for Benjy to lose some weight. Howard said he thinks Benjy is fine without that advice. She said she wants to see Benjy get fingered. Howard said he thinks that he will get fingered. He played a song parody about Benjy getting fingered. Howard said that was Tony Daniels with ''Ass Fingered.''
Howard said that Benjy has made it on a lot of people's agenda with his ass fingering. Howard played another song parody about Benjy's ass fingering.
Howard said Robin has a bunch of new song parodies too. Howard played one from Eli Braden. Howard said Memet Walker also sent in a new one. Howard played that one as well. Robin said that one goes on and on and on.
Howard said he got a lot of songs about Robin and about Ronnie. He played one from Little Mikey about Ronnie not bringing anything to entertain himself on a plane. Howard said he just stares out a window or sleeps on the plane. Howard said Ronnie must be really upset because he went to Boston with him. Howard said that was over vacation and Ronnie went and got a magazine. Howard said he barely read it because they talked most of the time. Howard said he thinks that it got to him. Howard said they went on a 6 hour trip to L.A. and Ronnie didn't have any magazines.
Howard played the Little Mikey song parody about Ronnie never being bored. Howard said he thinks Ronnie just thinks about ''Lets fuck some whores'' and that's all he thinks about. Robin said maybe that's the key to being happy. Howard said it must be. Fred played some clips of Ronnie talking about sticking things in a woman's asshole and things like that. Howard said that must be what's on his mind. Fred played the sound of an airplane and threw in some of those clips to make up Ronnie's thoughts.
Howard said he pictures big, long spaces and then a thought will pop in. Howard had Fred doing that. He'd have a long pause and then a Ronnie thought. Howard said it's fun to be inside Ronnie's head. Robin said it's nice and roomy in there.
Ronnie came in so Howard asked if he was upset about that story the other day. Ronnie said there was a newspaper on the plane so he read it. He said that he's not sure why it bothers Howard. Howard said this is the first time he ever grabbed a paper. Ronnie said that's just not true. He said he's done that before. Howard and Fred did their impressions of Ronnie reading the paper and commenting on stories. Howard asked Ronnie if he ever thinks about pussy. Fred played Ronnie saying ''Boobs'' over and over again. Howard said that's inside his head.
Howard asked if Ronnie has ever had some deep thoughts about his life. Ronnie said he has. Fred kept playing the ''boobs'' clip. Howard asked Ronnie what thought pops into his head right now. Ronnie said he was thinking about a very upsetting text he got from someone. Ronnie said he was very upset about that. He said someone they know very well just had a cancer operation. He said they all know this person. Ronnie said he was downstairs waiting for a guest that didn't happen. Ronnie wondered what else is going on in his head. Ronnie said it's kind of clear right now. Howard said it seems kind of boring in there. Ronnie said he was freaking out about something going out to L.A. He said he was thinking about this dog. He said he was flipping out up in the air over that. Howard said Ronnie felt like he was closer to heaven. Ronnie said right. He said he was 48,000 feet in the air and the dog could be up there somewhere flying around. Howard said they were in a Gulfstream G4. Howard said he was reading about some dude who just burned up in one that failed to take off over the weekend. Ronnie said they rolled down an embankment and crashed.
JD said that Ronnie wrote a poem on a flight one time. He said he put that up for them. Howard asked Ronnie if he really thinks that heaven is up in the sky. Ronnie said it was just a thought. Howard asked if the astronauts who went to the moon were closer to heaven. Ronnie said of course they were. Howard said they were on the ground of the moon though. Ronnie said they were looking down on heaven. Robin said it was very interesting that he was thinking about his dog.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked if the ring he was wearing had black diamonds or Onyx. Howard said he's not sure which ring he wore. Howard said they chop up different shows for these episodes. The caller said that Mel B looked great on the show. He said Howard's ring was great too. Howard said he thinks if he was single he would have banged Mel and Heidi by now. Howard said that Heidi wants to come in and meditate with him but he says that it sounds more like she wants to fuck him. He said she hasn't said no to that. Howard said Mel has said he'd probably be her husband if she wasn't married. Howard said that Howie wonders why they don't pay attention to him. Howard said he is too nice to the girls.
Howard said the ring he was wearing was from this guy Lazaro who he buys most of that stuff from. It could be from King Baby too.
Howard ended up taking about Game of Thrones. He said he stayed up to see the episode. Howard said Robin hasn't seen this week's. Robin said she might be talking about last week's. Howard said they're going to spoil it if they talk about what happened. Robin said she isn't sure if it was this week's or not. Howard said he has no idea what she's doing in that house. Howard said she's busy with shooting stuff up her ass. Howard said that's what gave her cancer. Robin said he thinks that everything gave her caner.
Howard said it's a miracle that Robin is alive. Howard said he thinks God every day for her. He said he has to believe because Robin is alive. Howard said he did serious praying like that praying Gilbert Gottfried does. Howard said he has a tape of it. Howard told Fred to play it. Fred had to find it but he wasn't able to. Fred said the one time he needs it he can't find it. He found it a couple of seconds later. Fred played Gilbert doing his prayer. Howard said he had to take a break after that.
Howard said he got an email about Frampton and the reason he can't get that song as a single track is due to the length of the song. Howard said iTunes has a regulation that states any song over a certain length can't e sold alone. Hard said it's usually over 9 minutes but ''Do You Feel Like We Do'' is over 7. Fred said it's actually 13 minutes. Howard said he didn't know that. He said you can buy the studio version but who wants that?
Howard said he has a couple of people visiting the studio today. They said they donated to the Rosie O'Donnell charity. Howard asked if they're married. The guy said they're dating. Howard asked how old the guy was. He was 43 and the woman was 31. Howard said she looks like a kid. He said he wanted to card her. Howard said that's a nice spread. The guy said that he sold his company about 2 years ago. It was an IT staffing firm. Howard asked if he has to work. He said he's on the board but he doesn't have to work too much. The woman said they've been having a lot of fun. She said she used to work but she hasn't lately. She said she helps raise his three kids though. They're 8, 10 and 12. Howard said the real mom must love her. She said not really. Howard asked what she weighs. She said she's 100 pounds. Howard said he must flip her around all over the place. The guy said it's been fun. He said he's been smiling for 2 years.
Howard asked what the real mom did when she met the 31 year old. He said it must not have went well. The woman wasn't saying much. Howard said that she looks really young. The guy said she looks older than 12. Howard said she could pass for 18. Howard said he thinks that the college kids would think she was their age.
Howard asked if the kids like her. She said they do. She said she's a lot of fun. She doesn't have to do the discipline. She said she takes them horseback riding and makes them hamburgers and things. Howard asked the guy what he does all day. The guy said he isn't retired yet but he gets to go out on the boat and things like that. Howard asked if the woman wears bikinis on the boat. She said not yet. She said they just got the boat so she hasn't had the chance.
Howard asked the guy how soon he moved her into the house. He said it was about a year. Howard said he'd move her right in. The guy said he has kids so he didn't want to move her in right away. Howard said she must have been worth the cost of the divorce. The guy said that there were other issues that had nothing to do with her. He said he did still pay though. He said divorce is tough. Howard asked the woman if she wants him to marry her. She said that's a tough question. She said they do live together and she is helping to raise the kids. Howard said he should set her up. He said that she's taking care of the kids and all of that. Howard said she looks very young so they may have to put out an Amber alert.
Howard asked if they have a lot of sex around the house. They said the kids are around so they don't do that. Howard said that sounds like fun. He said it sounds like a party over there. Howard said he has news for him. He said that he played it right in business. He said he's retired at 41. The guy said he's not retired yet but he's not working right now.
Howard asked if they have video taped their sex. They weren't saying so Howard took that as a yes. Howard said he would be a fake agent and have her trying to get into porn. Howard said he'd make a movie with her. He said it would be a three camera shoot with JD directing.
Howard said it sounds like one big party. He asked if the woman's parents approve of the guy. She said that they do. The guy said that they met when a buddy texted him a picture of her. He said they met over text and he moved her out of Georgia off the farm. He said she was working in a nuclear power plant at the time. Howard said he was smart. He brought her to the big city. She said it's a whole new world for her.
Howard asked the woman about her implants and if the guy bought them for her. She said she got them around the age of 18 so she bought them herself. She said her mom actually paid for them. Howard said she's got a cool mom. Howard said he asked his dad for a cock implant and his dad told him to get out.
The guy told Howard that they had texted before they met and he didn't even know she had an accent when they met. Howard said her body is tight because she worked on a farm doing manual labor. The woman said that's exactly why.
Howard asked the woman where the farm was. She said it was in south Georgia. She said that she owns some property down there herself now. She said she got lucky in college. She said she was paired with a roommate in college whose dad was a plastic surgeon and he did the surgery. She said the guy did his own daughter too. Howard asked if she's a C-cup. She said she's a large B or a small C. She said she gets a lot of compliments on them. Howard said they look good in clothes. The guy said that they did a good job with them.
Howard said she's doing really good at this point. Howard said she's busy with the kids and this guy. Howard asked if she was a virgin when she met this guy. She said yes but Howard said that can't be. He said she got implants at 18 and no one does that if they're a virgin.
Howard asked if the guy is good in bed. The woman said he is. Howard asked if the guy blew a load really quick the first time. The guy said it was a good night. Howard said good for them.
The guy said that his neighbor does a lot with Rosie's charity and he was glad he could help out. He said his buddy is coming in September. He said he'll meet his business partner then. He said his buddy has a really hot wife too. Howard said just wait for these kids to come around to beat off to her. Gary said in 5 years she's still going to be hot and the 10 year old will be 15. He said Howard is right about that.
Howard asked if she waxed when she was on the farm. She said she would wax and keep it clean even when she was working on the farm. She said she'd work 15 hour days there on the farm. Howard said she must have looked in a mirror saying she's smoking fucking hot. She said maybe she did. Howard said he should start a farm to have people working out. He asked if she has any cellulite on her ass. The woman said no. Howard asked if the guy has ever bounced a quarter off her ass. He said he hasn't. Howard said if they really want to have fun they should get some Avion Tequila. Howard worked himself right into a live commercial read. He still hadn't mentioned the couple's names.
Howard said this guy was the luckiest guy in radio. He said that Casey would announce records backwards and he ended up making so much money he could buy buildings in Los Angeles. Howard said a lot of guys started countdown shows and this guy was the one who made it. Howard said Casey had a whole science about doing it.
Howard had some audio clips from the press conference that Jean Kasem held and some audio of Kerri and Jean yelling at each other. You could hear Kerri yelling at someone to stop video taping her father. Howard said all of this is from countdowns. He said it's remarkable really. Howard said he imagines this is what's going to happen to him when he gets old too. Robin said she loves that he was moaning and Jean says she knows what he's saying. Howard said he gets bulletins from some service every day. He said he actually reads them. He said they come from some radio service. Howard went into a live commercial read after that.
Robin read about the death of Maya Angelou and the death of Ann B. Davis from the Brady Bunch. Howard said he always wondered about her. He said that she was a white maid and that was unusual at the time. Howard said Ann B. Davis was on the Bob Cumming Show too. Howard said she was pretty good on that show too. Howard said he wondered if she was gay or straight. Robin said she was very religious. She said she was living with a very religious couple toward the end. Robin said she has a twin sister too. Howard asked if she looks the same. Robin said she's not sure. Howard said he never knew what her sexuality was. Robin said she doesn't think any of them know. Howard said he wants a full investigation. Robin read more about Ann and how she got the bug to act. Robin said she was working in a production unpaid and a casting director told her to try out for the Bob Cumming show. Robin said that got her started. Robin said she did the Brady Bunch and a bunch of movies. Robin said she did the reunion shows and did a cameo in the movie remake of the series. Robin said that people would go up to her asking for child rearing advice thinking she was really the person from that show. Howard said Howie Mandel tells him stories about people asking him for medical advice because he played a doctor on TV. Howard said people are retarded.
Robin had some audio of someone talking about Maya Angelou's death. That got Howard doing his impression of her. Howard said he mentioned her at 6 this morning that she worked in a strip club. He said he pictured her as the most annoying stripper ever.
Robin had some audio of Ann B. Davis on the Brady Bunch playing Alice the maid. Robin said that she was in good health but she fell and hit her head in the bathtub and she never regained consciousness. Howard said you never know when that's going to happen. He said his parents are in their 90s now and he has to check in on them all the time. Howard said he wonders if they should be walking around the house since they have stairs. Howard said he wants to move them into a single floor house. Robin said maybe it's good for them. Robin said they had that 93 year old on AGT who was pulling cars with his teeth. Howard said every time that guy pulls a car his brother is in the driver seat. Howard said they shouldn't have anyone in the car at all. Howard said he didn't like that act. Howard said he got a lot of shit on Twitter about voting no on that. Howard said he's a good judge and he's trying to make sure only the best get through.
Howard said according to the internet his dad will be 91 this year. He didn't remember his age. Robin had some audio of Barry Williams talking about Ann B. Davis on the Today show.
Robin read a story about a doctor who claims he may be able to double your lifespan. Robin said they lengthen your DNA in some way. Robin had a clip of the guy explaining what they do. Howard said it sounds like a bunch of hocus pocus to him. He was talking about doing acupuncture. Howard said it's all bullshit.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that Maya Angelou would be one of those strippers who tells you about their whole life story. Howard said he's right. Howard did his Maya impression and Ralph said ''just rub my cock with your knee.'' Howard let Ralph go after that and then did another live commercial read.
Howard asked the couple sitting in if they were having fun. They said they were but they were also thinking back about what they had said earlier.
Robin read about how Maya Angelou was the first female African American cable car operator in San Francisco. She said she had no idea.
Robin read a story about Justin Bieber making a joke about black people being afraid of chain saws and making the sound of the saw using the n-word. Robin said he did this when he was about 17 and he did the joke on video. Robin said that the video was reportedly shot while he was shooting ''Never Say Never''. Robin said now he's apologizing and blaming it on his youth.
Robin said Miley Cyrus' house was broken into for the second time in a month. Howard said she should have some kind of security service watching the house. Robin said that it must be terrible if she does. This is the second time it's been robbed in a month. Robin said no one was home at the time. Robin said she should up the security if it's not working out for her.
Robin read about a golfer who dumped his girlfriend after the wedding invitations were sent out. Howard said he's not sure why anyone is shaming this guy over this. He said we should celebrate the guy for not ruining her life by getting married to her. Robin said he dumped her very publicly. Howard said he did her a favor. Howard said they should stop laying a trip on this guy. Robin said you can break an engagement before the invitations go out. Howard said some people aren't that well thought out.
Robin read a story about a woman who attached her 1 month old to her wedding dress. Robin said it shows the toddler on the mom's dress as she's walking down the aisle. Robin said the mother claims the baby was awake like that matters. Robin said that she says that there will always be negative comments about everything. Howard said she should attach Casey Kasem to her wedding train.
Robin said they say that you can recreate memories by using flashing light. Robin said they say that they did this test on rats and it worked. Robin said she's not sure what memories they want to forget though.
Robin had a list of the worst times to get operations. Robin said they're more likely to die during certain times of the year.
Robin read about people who eat more than two servings of white bread a day being more likely to gain weight. Howard said if you do that then you end up getting fingered in your asshole. Robin said they found that eating too much white bread can lead to heart problems too. Howard said Benjy should avoid that.
Robin said there has been a prisoner exchange with one of our troops who was in custody in Afghanistan for 5 years. Howard said that the people on FOX News are thrilled about this. Robin said that this is a good reason to grab more of our soldiers so they can make more deals like this. Robin said the guy was in such bad health that he might have died. Robin said he can hardly speak English anymore. Robin said he was so immersed in the culture that he can barely speak it now. Howard said it's like that dude from that show Homeland. Robin read more of the story about Bowe Bergdahl and had some audio clips of his family talking about him coming home. Howard said the dad grew a Taliban beard in support of his son. He said he's not sure what's up with that. Howard said the guy's girlfriend also found a new boyfriend. Howard said she may have thought he was dead. Howard said he wouldn't be able to wait either. Howard said he's glad the guy is home. Robin had some other audio clips of some people commenting on this story.
Robin read a story about a G4 Gulfstream that ran off a runway in Massachusetts and caught fire. Robin said that 4 passengers and 3 crew members died in that crash. Howard said when he flies out to California he went on a G4. He said they say that's the safest plane in the air. Robin said that people still die in them. Robin said it sounds like this could have been a mechanical issue. Howard said that's some scary shit. He said people get on planes like it's nothing. He said we're not supposed to be in the air. Robin said that's because we might run into Dudley or Ann B. Davis in Heaven.
Robin asked Howard if he thinks that Edward Snowden is a hero. Howard said he doesn't know. Robin said he's been doing a few interviews lately. Robin said they say he's done irreversible damage to the U.S. intelligence community. Robin had some audio of some people talking about what he has done.
Robin read about this guy Elliot Roberts shooting up a campus and then turning the gun on himself. Robin said they are talking about how to keep guns out of the hands of mentally ill again. Robin had some audio of some people talking about that. Robin said they also found out he made videos before the shootings where he said what he was going to do. Robin had a clip of the guy talking about women and why they don't find him attractive. He said girls never give him a chance. He was saying he thinks he looks magnificent.
Howard said he feels so bad for the parents of the kids that died. Howard said each one was even better than the next. Howard said even the kid who did the shooting tried to help their son over the years. He said they had him in therapy and they knew he was troubled. Howard said they even called the police to investigate him. Robin said they called him shortly before the shooting and no one thought he was going to turn violent. Howard said he had never heard these tapes before. Howard said you don't make a video if you're a real loser. He said if you can't get girls then just pretend that you do. Robin said she thinks he had given up at this point. Rogers was talking about shopping at a Trader Joes and seeing this loser walk in with two women on his arm. He said he should be the one with the women on his arm. He said if they just gave him a chance they'd see he was worthy of them. Howard said he's heard a million guys talk like that. He said if anyone should have been violent in college it should have been him. He said he's a peace loving man though.
Robin read a story about Jennifer Lopez appearing in the Bronx this weekend. Robin said that she was talking about how this obesity problem there has to stop. Robin had some audio of her talking about that. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard thanked the couple sitting in for coming in. They ended the show around 10:35am.
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Jon said that he'd be honored to have this next person on all the time. He was talking about JD or Jamie Harmeyer. JD asked why he's calling him Jamie. Jon said he seems to be changing a bit. He said it's a different side of him.
Jon said he knows JD took that whole directing thing very seriously. He said he's good at doing what he does. He said none of them were around to rag on him and he did what he had to do. Jon said everyone seems surprised that he did so well. He asked JD if he's surprised. JD said he thinks he did a decent job but he's not sure about a wonderful job. He said he thinks there is room for improvement. JD said he came up with some stuff and he hopes it was funny. He said he was going off the script and that's that.
Jon said he wants to get to the other side of things and how he fared at the party he went to. Jon said he watched some of the Reds game on his phone. JD said that was just for a couple of minutes. Gary said he wanted to make sure JD made it there. He said they were just sitting around in a room doing nothing. He said that's why he told Gregg to make sure he made it. Gary said he thinks that JD enjoyed the party somewhat. JD gave a half hearted ''Yeah.'' Gary said he asked JD if he wanted to get going when he got tired and JD just said alright. He said he could have left a half hour earlier but he was waiting for JD to say something. Gary asked when he would have said something. JD said he was waiting for Gary to tire out. Jon asked if he ever would have said he had to go. JD said 1am would have been a time to say he had to go. He said he possibly would have said something.
JD said if he had a few more drinks he may have said something. Gary and JD talked about some of the other people who were at the party.
Jon asked JD if he thought the girl at the bar was interested in him. JD said he wasn't able to sense it one way or the other. He said that he wasn't confident enough. He said he thought that maybe she was into him here and there on things. He said that she may have just been nice to him. He said he can't tell the difference when they're just being nice or being into him. JD said he needs them to be pretty direct to him. JD said he doesn't know how to ask a girl to go back to his room and have her tell him no.
Gary said being rejected wouldn't be so bad. He said that he didn't have to go back to work with her the next day. JD said he didn't want to ruin the high he was on from that show. Gary said he was the director and she didn't know anything else. JD said she knew it all. He said Richie was the main director and the girl knew what the story was there.
Gary said he heard an actor and a director talking about a girl getting on the set and looking to make that move. He said they can't decide if they should fuck the director, the lead actor or what. JD said that the girls had to come back on set to shoot the rest of that scene. Gary asked if JD got an email or a number or anything. JD said no. He was about to say something but then stopped himself saying he didn't want to get into it.
Jon asked if he bonded with the cast. JD said Rob McElhenney and Kaitlin were great. He said they were all very nice. He said he's not sure if Glenn and Danny DeVito were into it that much but they were all very great. He said Charlie Day was great too.
Jon asked JD if he was comfortable there. JD said he's not sure he was that comfortable but he did okay. Gary said that Gregg Karmel thought that JD was very nervous and he was biting his fingers until they bled. JD said that's the kind of stuff he doesn't want out there. He said it's a thing he's done since he was a kid. JD said that the skin grows back. JD said he didn't want to discuss it but Jon kept prying. Gary asked if JD was ever sent to the school psychologist over it. JD said no. Gary said he must not be that bad off then. He said this is like talking to Kevin Bacon about Bernie Madoff.
Jon asked JD if he wants to do more or is this just something to check off the list. JD said he'd like to do more but he's not sure he'll have anyone knocking on his door. JD said if he wasn't as passionate about the show as he was then he's not sure he would enjoy it. He said he really likes that show so it was something he could get into. JD said he would love to work with those people again. He said he learned a lot about talking to people and learning to trust people. JD said he's just rambling now. He said he's done after that. Jon went to break after that.
Jon asked Gary about why he was arguing with King on Twitter and if he took Howard's advice. Gary said Howard got under his skin because he thought it was just an extension of the stuff they do on the show. JD said he can't pay attention right now. He said he has a great view of Maria Menounos right now. She was in the studio.
Gary said Maria looks thinner than she did last time he saw her. Jon asked how she's doing. She said it's all good. She said that she has a book out now. Gary said it's a fitness and diet book.
Gary said they have fat Maria on the cover and skinny Maria. Gary asked how she got big and how she thinned down. Maria said she was thin growing up and then she worked at a donut shop and she gained weight. She said she got really big in college and then she knew she had to do something. She said she was a size 14 when she met Kevin. She said that she had double Ds at the time so Kevin didn't care.
Gary said staying thin is hard. Maria said she didn't have any will power. She said she just cut back a little. She said if she had 4 slices of pizza usually she'd cut back to 3. Maria said that you go to the next level of cut backs after that. She said what happened was after 5 months of doing that she lost 20 pounds. She said she didn't have to go to an extreme diet to do that. Maria said she was so motivated and exited that she kept going. Maria said that she used to eat a big thing of pasta but she cut that back. She said it's baby steps to get there.
Maria said that she's at high risk for diabetes and she's been scared of that. She said that's really scary. She said you have to take the time to get there but people can do it. She said her system works because it's easy to do and it's relateable. She said you can eat what you want but eat it in normal portions.
Jon told Maria about Benjy and she said she has been listening. She said maybe the fingers for Benjy won't be so bad. Jon said that he's the kind of guy whose weight goes up and down. Gary said he has to cut back a little bit. He said he's gained a few pounds. Maria asked what he's eating for breakfast. Gary said he eats eggs and he was using ketchup on them. He said he's going to stop that and put something else on. Gary said he often skips lunch and he knows that's bad.
Gary said they invited Maria and Kevin to come to the Celebrity Super Fan show last week and Kevin said something about how he's not to be trusted alone so he couldn't do it alone. Maria just said ''Umm.'' and didn't answer. They took that a yes. Maria said that she told Kevin she didn't know where they were doing the show too.
Jon said that Kevin has changed his approach to what he says on the show. He said not giving him the address is a good way to make sure he doesn't show up.
Jon asked Maria about Ronnie and how he stays in shape. Ronnie said he doesn't eat red meat. Ronnie said he controls himself during the week. He said his doctor told him not to go too crazy. He said that he told him ''moderation.'' He said that's it. Maria said that's what it is for her too. She said she eats junk food but the next day she'll eat clean. She said she talks about all of that in her book (The EveryGirl's Guide to Diet and Fitness: How I Lost 40 lbs and Kept It Off-And How You Can Too!).
Ronnie told Maria that her dress is great. Jon said he was being creepy. Ronnie said she's sitting there and the dress is short so how could he not notice. Jon said that some of the guys there struggle with their weight. He said he thinks he can never lose that much weight. Maria said that it's all about baby steps. She said you don't weigh yourself. She said you just eat a little bit less of things and build off of that.
Maria said that Kevin lost 20 pounds when he was having stomach issues. She told him to drink hot water instead of soda and things like that. Maria said that sometimes you think you're hungry when you're really dehydrated and thirsty. Maria said hot water helps melt the food and helps you digest it.
Gary asked how much of it is ego. He said if he wasn't in the public eye he'd be 50 pounds heavier. Gary said it's his ego that drives him to keep the weight off. Gary said it must be that for her. Maria said she fluctuates a bit. She said she doesn't have that problem with herself. She said that she was 160 pounds at one pint and she's only 5'7'' tall.
Gary asked if Jon needs to lose more than 5 pounds. Maria said probably. She told Jon to try the hot water and get a pedometer. She said that you try to get 10,000 steps a day. Ronnie started laughing. Maria said you have to take stairs and move quickly when you do move. She said she does things during the say so she doesn't have to work out at a gym. Maria said get your steps in and drink hot water.
Jon said he thinks that JD is with him on this. He said he used to be athletic and he enjoyed doing that. Maria said that's her too. She said she goes hiking with friends and she hates going to a gym doing lunges and squats. She said that's why she does things that work for her.
Gary said that he sees people who never did anything and they're up at 400 pounds. He said he wonders what they do. Maria said you have to do what works for you. Maria said that you never do something athletic and regret it.
Jon asked JD if he's hearing this. JD said he's doing something on his own. Gary told him not to eat so much and not fill all four of the Styrofoam trays with food. JD told him to stop. He said he's doing his own thing.
Gary wondered why they talk about weight so much around there. Jon said that they have a boss who brings it up all the time. He said in most places they'll talk about you behind your back. He said there it comes up on the show. Maria said it's a big topic in life. Maria said she used to be around people who were heavier and they like to eat. She said that she has done that too. She said that they get together to just eat bad food and it's like misery loves company.
JD was laughing because he and Jon go out to eat at the fast food places. Gary said Jason used to go with them too. He said they go to McDonald's or Wendy's. Jon said there are a bunch. He said they go to Chipoltle and a place called Lenny's as well. Maria asked about going to 5 Guys. Jon said they do that too. They never go to Burger King though.
Jon Leiberman was in and asked if they will go healthier today because of this conversation. It didn't sound like they were. Maria said that she goes to the more healthy fast food places like 5 Guys or In and Out. Jon said if they had In and Out there they'd go very day.
Jon asked what JD is doing now. JD said he's been walking back and forth to work lately. He said that started about a month ago. He said that's about all he's doing so far. Jon said Maria did say it takes baby steps.
Jon asked Maria to get in her plug because they had to let her go. Maria plugged her book and said it's coming out tomorrow. The book is called ''The EveryGirl's Guide to Diet and Fitness: How I Lost 40 lbs and Kept It Off-And How You Can Too!''. Jon let Maria go and went to break.
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Howard started the show talking about a couple of tapes he wanted to play. He said the first one is a guy who can't stop belching. Howard said this is a great one. He said it's not bullshit and the guy has a medical condition. He said it's really funny though. He said that's the problem. Howard said he'd hate it to happen to him but he'd love it for his career. He said his letterman appearances would be so much better. Howard said the guy went to the hospital and they don't know what to do for him.
Howard played the clip and the guy says his name is Ron Johnson and he can't stop belching. The guy burps in a very unusual way. He lets out the burp like a fart. Howard said if only cancer could be so funny. He keeps belching through this clip as he's explaining what happened to him. He said the place he went to for help had never heard of such a thing. Howard said just when you think it can't get funnier it does. Howard said he'd love to hear him announcing for basketball games and things like that.
Howard said he has another clip. He said he was watching this for hours on the internet. Robin asked if he thinks that they could get him on the Bachelor. Howard said he wants to make him the voice of the channels. He said he's already talked to the head of the channels about that. Howard said maybe that would help him out so he could get medical help. Robin wondered what they can do for him. Howard asked Gary to get in touch with the guy.
Howard played m ore of the audio of the guy explaining how he can only slow it down if he lays down. Howard said the guy is in his 40s or so. He said he's not obese. He said he's kind of a big bear kind of a guy. Like a big mountain man. Howard played even more of the guy letting out his constant belches. He said he can't do anything from a recliner and it's embarrassing out in public because it doesn't stop.
Howard played more of the clip and the guy belches every couple of seconds. Howard said that guy might be the one to finger Benjy. He told Benjy not to laugh because he's the one who is fingering him.
Howard asked Gary if he's getting in touch with the guy. Gary said he's working on it. Howard said that they have to fire Fred over this to get the guy in there. Fred said he understands.
Howard played another clip and the guy says he's 58 years old. He says he needs help and Robin said he sure does.
Howard said he knows the guy's life sucks but this appeals to his sense of humor. Howard said there has been a lot of reporting about Gary's pitch after the 50 Cent first pitch. Howard said he loves hearing people trying to announce Dell'Abate. He said he loves the way they try it. Howard said his name is such an issue. He played a clip of a guy in Philadelphia trying to say it. He said it like Delab-a-tay. Howard said he likes that. Robin did too. Howard said they should go with it.
Howard said Aaron Lewis was playing some festival and some woman was crowd surfing and guys were fingering her. He said Aaron said something and stopped that from going on. Howard played the clip and Aaron was in the middle of a song. Howard said he has such a great voice. He wondered why he can't have another hit song. He said maybe he's smoking too much weed. Howard said what he's thinking of doing to Benjy is sending him to a festival and let the crowd finger him.
Howard said Benjy's girlfriend was saying that she thinks Benjy wants to be fingered because he was eating a ton of bagels and things over the weekend. Howard said he says he doesn't want to be fingered but he eats like he does. Howard said he wishes he had her note but he didn't bring it in. Howard found the note a second later. He said she says he's eating bagels and a ton of other food at a family function. Howard said she says that she's never seen someone who appears to want to be fingered like that.
Benjy said it's been really hard. He said he has had two big mess ups. He said instead of taking a nap he just keeps eating and eating. Howard said Benjy eats like a cow. He said he eats heads of lettuce and stuff. Benjy said he eats tortilla chips and strawberries and peanut butter. Howard asked if he thinks he wants to get fingered.
Benjy said he wants to do something that would stop him from eating but he should have made it a shorter amount of time. He said he can be disciplined for a shorter time. Howard said he's really set himself up with this. He said he thinks he has 3 weeks but he should stop now. He said he bets he gained weight yesterday. Benjy said he did. He said he gained 2 over the weekend.
Howard said they found a guy to finger him in the ass. He said he's a gay porn star. Howard said his name is Gogo something. Gary said it's Gogo Harder. Howard had Benjy get on the scale to see how much he is. He's at 237.6. Yesterday he was about 236. Gary said he's given away like 2 weeks of weight loss. Howard said this guy Gogo Harder is available. Gary said Yucko is willing to do it too.
Howard said that Yucko is funny. Gary said they can also get the guy who plays the beast on Game of Thrones. Gary said that they should try to get him. Howard told him to go ahead. Howard said he's not sure he's available.
Howard said he thinks that Benjy needs a bigger finger. Howard said that Yucko has small fingers. Benjy said he thinks that he wouldn't want a bigger finger. He knows Howard might like it. Howard said he thinks it's funny. Benjy said he knows it would be funny because it would be funny.
Howard said Elisa Jordana is saying she thinks that he wants that finger in his ass. Howard said maybe that guy who belches would do it. Gary wondered if George Takei would do it. Howard said he's not sure Brad would want him to do it. Howard said that he's a big star. Howard asked Gary if he can get George on the phone. Gary said he'll try. Benjy said he thinks that Brad won't care. Howard said he'll ask Donald Trump to do it. Benjy said that would be amazing.
Howard said he'll ask Billy Joel, Trump and President Obama. Howard said one of them has to say yes. Robin said maybe Casey Kasem too.
Howard got back to Aaron Lewis and said that he did that great song. He said he has to learn that. He pulled out his guitar and started playing the Cat Stevens song he was learning called ''Father and Son.'' He said he hasn't been playing much lately. He said he has to learn the Staind song. Fred told Howard what to play and Howard tried playing the chords. Howard said it's too many chords for him. The song sounded kind of like the Cat Stevens song.
Howard said that fucking guitar is bullshit. He said they should have invented something easy to play. He said he has to rip his fingers up with that thing.
Howard got back to the audio clip of Aaron Lewis going off on the crowd for what they were doing to the girl. Howard said he called them fucking assholes and they cheered. Aaron said they're molesting her and she's like 15 years old. He said they should be ashamed of themselves. Howard said he's cool. Howard said they were cheering him for calling them pieces of shit. Aaron said if he sees that shit again he will point them out. Howard said if you're a girl and you go crowd surfing you will get fingered. Howard said there is no doubt. He said he saw Courtney Love get fingered when she crowd surfed. Robin said she wasn't 15 though. Howard said they crowd surf Robin at the end of every show so they know.
Howard played more of the audio and said that whoever recorded this audio did a great job. He said he has nice sound there. He let the clip play through and Aaron got back to doing a song and told the women there to feel safe crowd surfing now.
Howard said good for him. Fred gave Howard the music for It's Been Awhile. Howard said he won't subject the audience to that.
Howard said he saw this guy who is buying the L.A. Clippers. He said the guy is paying 2 billion for them. Howard said that's Steve Ballmer who is spending that money on them. Howard said this guy Ballmer is on everywhere and he never uses the N-word. He said he can't be fooled at all. Howard said Donald Sterling isn't even the guy's real name. He said he changed it. Howard said he became Sterling from some other name. Howard said Sterling went to a black church to attend a service. Howard said it's like a sitcom. Howard said Steve Ballmer is telling everyone he loves black people even though no one is asking him about it.
Howard said V. Stiviano is on tape making racial remarks now too. Howard said the NBA is thinking of taking away her rights to the NBA too. He said they're trying to take away that giant helmet she wears. Howard played a clip of her making fun of black people. Stiviano was saying that black people spend money on rims on their car even if they don't have a lot of money. She said they do stupid shit like that when there are starving people around the world. Howard said it's almost as good as Casey Kasem's wife throwing meat at Kerri. Howard said he's on Kerri's side because she's smoking hot. He said they had her on the show years ago and she's still hot today. Howard said he has to side with her.
Robin asked if they ever found out what happened with Wiz Khalifa. Howard said he doesn't know. Gary said there was no explanation but he was up there doing other interviews later in the day. Howard said the classy thing to do would have been to write an apology note. Robin agreed. Howard went to break a short time later.
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Howard asked if this goes on with Twitter or off of Twitter. Gonzo said they talk on the phone and email. He said Eric stopped tweeting. He said he calls him on the phone now. He said he has only talked to him once on the phone. He said he emails once every other day or so. Howard asked if he's peaceful or angry. Gonzo said yesterday he said ''Fuck you Gonzo'' but then there are other times when he's nicer. Gonzo said he believes anything people tell him and he's not saying he lives at his house or anything like that. He said people make fake accounts and say things like ''I live at your house.'' He said others will say he went to an A's game with him.
Gonzo said they had a nice conversation about a week ago about him unblocking him. Howard said they should get Eric on the phone. Gary said he'll work on that. Gonzo said that people call him a midget and things like that with his name on twitter. He said he doesn't do that though. He said Eric thinks he should be responsible for everyone on there. He said there are a lot of people who he can't control. Howard asked if he told him that he'd do that. Gonzo said he did agree that he'd pay for those things. He said he's going to be in the poor house if he does agree to do these things.
Howard had Eric on the line. Howard said he's concerned. He said Gonzo is on saying he's negotiating with him. He said it seems like he's going to unblock him if he takes down his wish list. Eric said that if you look at the wish list it's very creepy. Eric said it has a Fleshlight on it. Gonzo said Eric has a shitload of porno on his list. Eric said he has maybe 4 porn movies on his. Gonzo said he has like 400 on there. Eric said he does not. Robin asked what the difference is between porn and a Fleshlight. Gonzo said his is a butt hole and Eric may think a vagina is more acceptable. Howard asked why Eric cares what he has on his list. Howard said he thinks he's afraid that he's going to get money he could have gotten. Eric said he looks like an Amber Alert person in training. Howard said he's just giving more attention to it buy doing this. Eric said maybe.
Howard asked what else Gonzo has to do. Eric said he has conditions and he has to go after anyone who calls him a midget. He has to pay him $25 whenever someone does that. He said he has to pay for other things too. Howard said Gonzo can't control all of that. Eric said he's friendly with them. Howard said they don't all listen to Gonzo though. Gonzo said Eric would say they do but he doesn't think they do. Howard asked if Gonzo is going to agree to that. Gonzo said he agreed to it on the phone but he may not have enough weight to take care of that bill.
Howard asked Gonzo if he's king of the Eric haters. Gonzo said he loves Eric but Eric thinks he has influence over these people on twitter. Howard asked if Eric thinks he has more power than he does. Eric said he doesn't know.
Gonzo said Eric stopped Tweeting and stuff and he said he wanted to negotiate something. He said he got the call and Eric is very sweet on the phone. Eric said he was getting harassed and one bitch is about to lose her job over it. Howard asked Eric why he cares so much. He told him to just let it go. Eric asked how he'd feel if he had people saying things about his parents and kids. Howard said they do it every 10 minutes. Eric said that this one bitch was doing it to him and now she's going to lose her job. Howard asked how she's going to lose her job over that. Eric said because she's in the medical profession. He said she's supposed to be helping people. Howard asked who he reported her to. Eric said he hasn't done it yet. Howard said she's not going to lose her job. Gonzo said she's so excited now to hear that he's talking about her. Eric said she's been saying a bunch of bullshit comments about him for the past 2 weeks. Howard asked what she's saying. Eric said she's talking about his family. Howard asked what she said. Eric didn't have any examples of what she was saying.
Gonzo said he thinks that Eric likes him now. Howard said Eric gets upset when people say they live in his house. Eric said that someone said that he invited Gonzo to stay at his house and go to a game. He said that's stupid. He said his parents wouldn't let anyone stay there. Howard asked why that matters though. Eric said his parents would never let anyone stay at the house. He said they pay the mortgage.
Eric said that when Howard started with Sirius they used the tag line ''No more bullshit'' so he's wondering why the bullshit is still happening. Howard said that was meant for him, not for Eric. Eric said he thinks that it means no more bullshit for him. Howard said it doesn't mean no more bullshit for the world.
Howard said that Eric is pissed that someone said he had lasagna for dinner when he didn't. Eric said he hasn't tweeted a thing. He said people are making this stuff up. Howard asked if he had lasagna last week. Eric said no. He said he is so sick of his level of retardedness. He said nothing has been tweeted on his real Twitter account since April 8th. He said they have to stop paying attention to the idiotic people out there. Eric said he hasn't tweeted anything since April. Howard asked Eric if Gonzo is responsible for putting up fake tweets. Eric said no. Howard said he wants to fine him for that though. Eric said this is ridiculous. Howard said he's so confused by this but it's fascinating. Howard said Gonzo is willing to negotiate and he is open to talking about it. Howard said he doesn't think he should negotiate. Gonzo said he just wants to get back on Eric's Twitter. Howard asked if he will unblock him. Eric said yes. Howard told Gonzo not to abuse the privilege.
Howard asked if there are conditions. Eric said he thinks there will be terms. Howard thought he said turnips. Eric said he thinks Howard is the one with the 90 IQ. Howard said he had to get going after that. He said Roseanne is there. Gonzo said that Roseanne blocked him too so if he could ask her about that he'd appreciate it. Howard said he will do that. Eric said he's been watching Last Comic Standing too. Howard said he'll let Roseanne know that too. Howard went to break a short time later.
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Howard asked if she still smokes weed for her glaucoma. She said she does and for other things too. Howard asked if she eats healthy now. She said she eats raw. She has her own garden. Howard said she used to be so heavy. She said that she was never full. She said all she thought about was food. Howard asked if she had therapy or something. Roseanne said it's this thing right here. She showed him her Jawbone that counts her steps. She said she does 6,000 steps a day. She said she started out doing that. Then it was about eating food that gives you energy to give you those steps. Roseanne said that she channels all of that shit into that. She said she lost 10-15 pounds and they told her to weigh in at the doctor. She said she refuses to do that. Roseanne said she does' want to know how much she weighs. She said the nurse didn't let her out of it so she had to weigh in. She said she had lost 40 and didn't even realize it.
Roseanne said she's into dancing now and she really burns calories doing that. She said she does all kinds of dance. She said she gets up to 15,000 steps doing that. She said she goes to a place where she's the youngest one there. She said it's in Hawaii and her boyfriend is a great dancer too so they get their exercise that way.
Howard asked if it made her mental that she wasn't able to curse on network TV. Roseanne said it didn't. She said that they would swear off the air. She said that Sarah Gilbert is a hell of a swearer. Howard said that Roseanne said that she knew she was gay because she was a Jodie Foster movie fan. Roseanne said that she really did. She said Jodie did that movie where she played Nell and she made fun of it. Roseanne said Sarah told her that it wasn't funny and she was a fan of her's.
Roseanne said that Robin is almost invisible now that she's gotten so thin. Howard said she used to do colonics but they won't talk about that. Roseanne said nothing is supposed to go up there. Howard said he gets upset thinking about that.
Howard said that he's shocked that Roseanne is working for NBC. Roseanne said that she is too. Howard asked if she was leery about going back on network TV. He said she hated NBC. Roseanne said she doesn't hate them. She said it's all of them. Howard said in 2012 she signed a deal to do a comedy series for NBC. Howard said it sounded like a nightmare to the rest of them. Howard said she was tweeting that things were going horribly wrong. Roseanne said she didn't do that until the end. Howard said she had her show runner disappear for 7 weeks and NBC was ignoring her and leaving her out of the writing process. Roseanne said she wasn't pissed at NBC. She said it was a ridiculous development process. She said it's so stupid. Howard asked what's stupid about it.
Howard said that Jerry Seinfeld told him he never wants to go back because he could never do anything better than what he did. Howard asked if she feels the same way. Roseanne said she thinks she said what she wanted to say with that show. Howard said Roseanne felt that Seinfeld was overrated. Howard said they gave him all of that attention and not her. Howard said she has expressed some angst over that. Roseanne said there is a lot of sexism out there. She said she felt like any guy who does 1/10th of what you do gets any praise is wrong. She said that's what she was upset about. Howard said the syndication deal for Seinfeld is amazing. He said the show is on still. Roseanne said her's is still on too. She said she didn't get a Seinfeld deal. She said she was the first comic that did it. She said that Jerry even said that because she was so successful that he cleaned up from that. She said she was the first and she didn't get those deals. Howard said that he's not sure why she's not seeing the dough from that. Roseanne said she does get some money but only owns like 20 percent of her own show.
Howard asked if she has to work. Roseanne said she does so she can keep other people working. She said she loves to write. She said she writes every day. Howard asked if she forces herself to write. She said she writes like she's obsessive compulsive. She said she has thoughts nonstop. She said that she gets it out and goes back to edit. She said it just flies. Howard asked if she writes with a pen. She does. Howard asked how much she writes. She said she has volumes of stuff. She said most of it is bullshit. She said that she has things for articles and stand up and all of that.
Roseanne said that Twitter helps her out because she can use that to get her thoughts out. Howard asked if that's kind of wasting it though. She said that she is at a point where she's paying her bills and shit. She said she doesn't have to do anything for money. She said when you do then all you do is kiss ass. She said she's going to throw it out there and say what she thinks.
Howard asked Roseanne about judging other comics. She said she loves it. Howard asked if she thinks that she can mentor them and help them out in their career. Roseanne said that's part of it. She said she loves the stand up art form and she loves watching it. Howard asked if she's able to tell the bad ones that it's not a career for them. Roseanne said she hasn't gotten that far yet. She said she doesn't want to cut anyone's legs out from under them. Roseanne said Chris Rock wasn't that great when he started. She said if they have the desire to do it you don't want to fuck with that. She said that you have to die more because that makes you good. Howard asked if the network is looking for her to trash them more. Roseanne said the network thinks she needs to be ''more you'' but she is being her when she does what she does. Roseanne said that her shit all works backward. Roseanne said that the people she thinks are great are the ones that she's harder on. She said if she's not impressed she'll say that she really enjoyed it. She said if she really likes someone she'll be harsher on them. She said she thinks they can take it and it's worth it to do that.
Howard said Keenan Ivory Wayans and this other comic are the judges there. Howard said Gary came in and told him the name Russell Peters and he had never heard of him. Roseanne said she had never heard of him but he's the biggest comic in the world. She said he's like the Beatles in Europe. Howard asked if he's a funny guy. Roseanne said he is Indian from Canada. She said he's got a different perspective than she's ever heard. She said he tells joke, joke, joke and he's like a joke machine. She said she's amazed at it. Roseanne said that he gives his feedback and he has a punchline. She said that she really admires him.
Howard asked Roseanne if she knows what the other judges make. Roseanne said no. She said she thinks they all get paid the same. Howard asked why she would accept that. Roseanne said she was just exited to be on the show. She said she loves Keenan. She said he's like a guru. Howard asked what he does now. Howard said he dropped off the face of the earth. Roseanne said he's got a lot of kids and he takes care of them.
Howard asked if they hang out at all. Roseanne said they do a little bit. Howard asked if they get on her nerves at all. She said she's only there for an hour. She said it's an hour or two. Howard said they do tapings for months. Roseanne said she took this job because it wasn't so much. She said she wants to work 12 weeks a year and that's it. Howard said that sounds like a good plan. Howard asked why she would try to write a new sitcom. Roseanne said she wanted to see how much she could fucking take. She said she's good at meditating so she wanted to see if she would take that shit.
Howard said they'll never see a sitcom then. Roseanne said they told her that they loved the ideas they had. Then they call her a genius and that means you're going to get fucked in the ass. She said they said they loved everything but a few things she wrote and then it was everything she wrote they didn't like. She said they had hardly any edge to it by the end. She said they felt they didn't have the right characters for their audience.
Howard said Roseanne wrote things on her Twitter account where she wrote about women in Hollywood can't suck dick fast enough. Roseanne said she was just pissed. She said that she may have been high when she wrote some of them. Howard said that she was so angry from that experience. Roseanne said she thinks she deleted some of those tweets. Howard said she was very bitter from that experience. Roseanne said she really is.
Howard asked if she has had any therapy for that. Roseanne said that she hasn't had any therapy. She said it's all bullshit. She said she has mellowed with age though.
Howard asked if she has found anyone that she's really excited about on Last Comic Standing. Roseanne said there are about 5 of them. She said they're friggin great. She said they could all go on to have huge careers. Howard asked what goes wrong with these comics who never break through to the mass audience. Howard asked what it is. Roseanne said it's not their fault. She said she doesn't know what it is but it's like a lucky set of circumstances. She said she worked hard but she knows she was lucky too. She said there are comics who are homeless and have no teeth but they're great. She said she's not sure what it is that makes the career.
Howard asked who the greatest comics are. Roseanne said she can't remember names. Howard said Roseanne was so comfortable on stage. Howard said it's like she was talking to him in his house. Roseanne said she tried to perfect that. Howard asked if Richard Pryor was the best. Roseanne said he was one of them. Howard said he doesn't understand Bill Cosby. Roseanne said she doesn't either. Howard thanked her for agreeing. Howard said he saw him when he was young and he felt like he had to get out of the room because he was boring. Roseanne said he has fans in huge numbers but some people don't connect.
Howard asked who Roseanne liked. She liked George Carlin. Roseanne said that her dad had all of the Lenny Bruce albums and she loved him. She said he was great. Howard asked if he was the one who got away from jokes and talked about situations. Roseanne said that he was great and Lord Buckley and Dick Gregory were great too. Howard said he thought he was up there too. He said Dick was one of the greatest comics. He said when he got older he wasn't funny. Roseanne said he got political and he got kind of nutty. Roseanne said that he ran for president on the same ticket she did. Howard asked how she did with that. Roseanne said she came in sixth. Howard asked who came in fourth and fifth. She didn't know. She said she had like 50,000 votes. Roseanne said that she wanted to run last time just to get on the ballot. She said that they keep passing laws so you can't vote for these two parties. She said we need a third party and she was trying to aid that.
Howard asked Roseanne what she thinks happened to Dave Chappelle. Roseanne said that she wishes she had his balls and courage. She said that you have to put your life and family above all of that other shit. She said that he just didn't want to put on the dress anymore. She said that he was saying that the cultural bias of white people who decide wanted him to do things he didn't want to do. Howard said it's a business though. He said he thinks that people crack from the pressure. Howard said that they're pressured over ratings. Roseanne said that it was like ''dance monkey'' coming from the networks.
Howard asked Roseanne about being in a meeting with the network when Roseanne was a huge hit. Howard asked if they really asked her to do things when she had such a hit show. Howard said he would have thought the world was her oyster. Roseanne said it was a fight for the first 13 shows and then they were lovely with her. She said that once they saw she was a writer they were okay. She said now they see she's a writer but they ask you to collaborate with someone and the person comes up with things that you'd never think to do. She said they remember you one way and they never even watched the show. She said that they remember Tom Arnold with her.
Howard said Tom Arnold is on the show a lot. He said she was right about him being funny. Roseanne said she took a lot of heat for that too. Howard said that he's very funny telling stories on there about Arnold Schwarzenegger. Howard said that Tom told them that she sent him a script to review. She said that she thought they could be friends. She said that was a mistake. She said that Tom tweets that the script isn't right for NBC. She said she sent it to him privately. She said that's why it was a mistake. Howard said it's hysterical in a way. Roseanne said you want to give people the benefit of the doubt. Howard said he can go through hell with someone and then try it again with them. He said you always regret it.
Howard said he saw that Tom was going to sell off a bunch of stuff and they went back and forth about that on Twitter. Roseanne was worried that he was going to sell her wedding tapes or something on the side of the road. Roseanne said that he actually sent her three boxes of her personal stuff so she's glad she got that.
Howard said he thinks she's one of the most rational people he's ever met. Roseanne said she thinks she is too. She said that's what drives people out of their minds. Howard said she does come up with some theories that are way out there though. Howard said he had one that he wrote down. Howard asked if she still has her Macadamia nut farm. Roseanne said she does. She said that Hawaii made GMOs illegal. She said that's genetically modified organisms. She said they just signed that into law there in Hawaii. Howard said that he understands now that she explained that. Roseanne said that they banned poisonous pesticides too. Howard said he's into this DDT stuff. He said he likes that one. Howard said it got rid of all bed bugs. He said Manhattan has them all over now. Howard said they wiped them out until they banned DDT. Roseanne said she'd take the bed bugs over cancer. Howard said he guesses he would too.
Howard said he found this theory that Roseanne had. Howard said she thinks that the government is using a mind control program called MK Ultra. Roseanne said that's not a theory. That's real. She said it's mind control. Robin asked how they know this is going on. Roseanne said that she should google it. She said it goes really deep. Roseanne explained the mind control things that they have tried in the past and how they are doing it to keep people voting for the two parties we have in this country. Roseanne said that they work us and scam us. Roseanne said that they do it by selling consumerism and telling women that their ass is fat. She said these people don't even know who their legislators are.
Howard asked if this is what she writes about in her journals. She said it is. Howard asked if there is a lot of good female comics out there. Roseanne said it's like a volcano of funny women out there. Howard said there really are a lot. Howard asked if any of them seek her out. Roseanne said some of them do but they think of her as a peer. Howard asked if she's friends with Joan Rivers. Roseanne said she thinks she's funny but she lives in New York. Howard said he thinks that she is at peace more now and she's not angry at people like she used to be. Roseanne said that she's angry at politicians and people like Putin and the devil. She said that there is a certain way to meditate. She said she does this certain type. She said that it's all about focusing and emptying.
Howard asked Roseanne if she's still with that guy she was with. Roseanne said she is and he's a genius. She said she's in a happy place. Roseanne said she has two sons and two grandsons. She said that she's 61 and she's still having sex. She said her mom is 82 and she's on her fourth fiancee. She said she vomits thinking about that. Howard said that's great. Roseanne said she likes sex if that's what Howard is asking. She said she has 5 kids and her son is out there listening. Howard asked if she'll ever get married again. She said probably not.
Howard gave Roseanne some plugs for Last Comic Standing and for a new show she'll be hosting about ''Momsters'' which are bad moms. Roseanne said it's on the ID channel. She said that they reenact bad mom stories on the show. She said she loves the ID Channel. Howard had never heard of it. Howard said that the ID Channel is not CIA controlled. Roseanne said it's not. She said if you think about mind control you'll be a lot better. Howard said the Momsters show is coming to the ID Channel this fall. Howard thanked her for coming in and told her to stop by any time. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and had Jonah Hill come in. Howard said he's in a hysterical movie called ''22 Jump Street'' which is coming out Friday, tune 13th. Howard said that it's a really good movie. He said it's funny stupid.
Howard said that the movie is surprisingly funny. He said sometimes the sequel doesn't go that well. Jonah said they did the first one making the TV show into a film. Then with this one they made fun of making it a sequel. Howard said they did a great job with it.
Howard said over the weekend TMZ posted something about Jonah where he called a guy a faggot. Howard said he heard the tape and he didn't hear the word ''faggot.'' Jonah said this is a heartbreaking situation for him. Howard said he looks angry. Jonah said he has been a gay rights activist since he was a kid. He said that this person had been following him around all day saying hurtful things about his family and about him personally. He said he lost his cool and he said a disgusting word. He said that does not reflect how he feels about anyone. He said one of his coworkers is getting married and he's gay. He said he's going to his wedding. He said he is happy to be the poster boy for thinking about what you say before you say it. He said he shouldn't have said what he said.
Howard said he has been around the Paparazzi guys and you try to be nice to them. He said what they do is attack you to get you to come back at them. He said they feel free to do what they want. Howard said you can't punch them out but you get steamed. Howard said he has lost his cool too. Jonah said after hours of it he couldn't take it. He said he is not good at being famous. He said if you call his family members names he's going to lose his cool. He said he knows what he said was disgusting but he didn't intend it toward anyone in the LGBT community.
Robin asked if you can call the police. Jonah said they're not really doing anything illegal. Robin said it is harassment. Jonah said he has friends who have kids and these people do the same thing to them. Jonah said he isn't saying ''poor me'' but he should have just said nothing or maybe just ''fuck you.''
Howard said Jonah said ''fuck you, suck my dick you faggot.'' Howard said he is a big supporter of the gay community too. He said he knows they get bashed all their lives. Howard said you have to go out of your way to defend them. Howard said the word fag has been around and it's become part of the vernacular. He said that in the heat of battle and the heat of words you don't even think about what you're saying. Howard said that he's telling the guy to suck his dick so the whole thing doesn't make sense. Howard said he understands what he's doing and he doesn't think that he's anti-gay.
Jonah said it would break his heart to think that anyone would think that he'd be against anyone for their sexuality. He said that's absurd to him. He said it's been a heart breaking morning for him. He said he did a charity event last weekend and the head master from his high school is an openly gay man. He said he knows him and he knows he's not like that.
Howard asked what happens when he walks into a room now. Jonah said this is the first room he's walked into. Howard asked if he thinks that he's the anti-gay guy now. Jonah said he just found out about it last night. He said he's not worried about judgment but he's worried about hurting feelings when that wasn't his intent. He said he didn't mean it in the way it's going to be taken. He said he basically meat to say that he was a fucking asshole.
Howard asked what this guy was saying to him. Jonah said that he was saying stuff about his family and about him. He said he isn't trained to take insults. He said he's not good at being famous. He said he will have to face the music but he's happy to be that person who should think about saying something you don't mean.
Robin said you wonder why anyone would target Jonah. Howard said his career is on fire. He was in Wolf of Wall Street and he's on fire. Howard said the film was up for 5 academy awards. Howard said they didn't have any wins for that movie at all. Jonah said he was really proud of that movie. He said he got to work for his hero. Howard asked who won in his category. Jonah said it was Jared Leto. Howard said he played an over the top character though. Jonah said he did too. He said he has been nominated for two Oscars and he was just happy to be there. Howard asked if there was any disappointment there. Jonah said the funny thing is that you know you're not going to win at most award shows. He said both times at the Oscars he wondered if he could possibly win. He said there's part of you that makes you think you'll win. He said that Jared was great and he came over and shook his hand before going up there. He said he was really cool about it.
Howard said he doesn't get bringing your mom there. He said it's such a great place to bring a hot chick. Jonah said no ring, no bring. He said that's what his move is. Howard asked if Leo taught him that. Jonah said a close friend taught him that. He said that he thought of that and he was thinking about what his mom had to put up with. He said she deserved to be there. Howard said it's time to let it go. Howard said it's his night and he doesn't have to share it with her. Jonah said he doesn't feel that way. He said his mom comes to the after party for a bit and then he'll give her the hint and she'll leave.
Jonah said he was sober at the Oscars and he did that because he wanted to remember the whole thing. He said the first time he was drunk.
Howard said Jonah has to be a guy who gets high a lot. He said he's so into youth culture. He said that he has a lot of drug humor in the movie and things like that. He said they take a drug in the film that's a new drug and it seems like he'd be into that in real life. Jonah said that it's also saying that you shouldn't take drugs. He said he doesn't judge people. He said if you want to live a certain way that's fine. He said he doesn't smoke as much as Howard thinks. He said if it worked for him the way it does for Seth he'd do it more often. He said he gets paranoid so he doesn't do it a lot.
Howard asked how many people wrote this movie. Jonah said a lot. He mentioned a few guys other than himself. Howard said he goes out and makes that movie and Channing Tatum is in it with him. Howard said he's a good looking guy. Jonah said that he tried to get him to come in with him. He said he thinks that maybe he thinks he's going to ask him weird questions or something.
Howard said the first movie, 21 Jump Street came out and he had a bet with Channing about the movie making over $31 million. Jonah said the night the movie was opening they were at dinner. He said if they made over 30 they would have been a massive success. He said that it didn't cost much more than that. He said that he spent 5 years working on the movie. He said he wasn't even a fan of the TV show. He said they came to him with the idea and he thought it was a horrible idea. He said he wanted to make it look really bad but really good. He said he was 23 when he started working on it.
Jonah said they were drinking and Channing said he thinks it would make $35 million. He said as a joke he said he would kiss the tip of his dick if it did. That was over the boxers. Howard said he heard he said under the boxers. Jonah said either way a lot of people would be jealous of him. He said they made $36 million the first weekend. He said he didn't have to kiss his dick. He said that it was a lose-lose thing for both of them.
Howard said Jonah is a bigger star than Tatum is. Jonah said he thinks that they're equals. Howard said he is the bigger star if his name comes up first. Jonah said that Channing is a massive star. He said he was in Magic Mike. Howard asked what else he was in. He was also in The Vow. Jonah said he's also in The Fox Catcher and it's going to be huge. Howard said he thinks that Jonah is a bigger star. Jonah said he doesn't believe that but thanked Howard for that.
Howard said one thing he likes about the Paparazzi is the photos they take of him making out with his girlfriend. Jonah said he doesn't have a girlfriend. Howard said that girl is really hot and she's licking his face. Howard asked what he's talking about. Jonah said that's just someone he was seeing. Howard asked if he has dumped her. Jonah said he hasn't but he doesn't have a girlfriend. He said she's great.
Howard said that Jonah only got paid $60,000 to be in The Wolf of Wall Street. Howard said he mentioned that when he was on the show last. Howard said he went to work for Martin Scorsese and he didn't care about the money. Howard said the movie could have tanked but he put his money where his mouth was. Howard said no one ever tells when they do that. Howard said Jonah was honest about it and it was a great story. Jonah said he never makes decisions based on money anymore. He said he did in the past but not anymore. He said he doesn't need to be super rich. He said he wants the movies he makes to be something he can stand behind. He said he won't do a movie if it's something he doesn't believe in just for money.
Jonah said he talks to someone really important to him for advice. He said that the person is someone he really respects. Howard asked if it's Harvey Weinstein. Jonah said it's actually David Geffen. He said he saw his documentary and he was talking to someone on the set of Wolf of Wall Street and one of the guys knows Geffen so he was able to get in touch with him. He said that there are some people who are just visionaries. He said that he really respects that. He said that David Geffen invented one of the greatest presences in the industry and he did it with his brain. He said he wrote him a long letter about how inspired he was by the film. He said that he wrote him back and they ended up having dinner and he wrote him a poem too.
Howard said that Jonah can get caught up in the whole thing and forget that he should be enjoying what he's doing. Jonah said that he can get so stressed out sometimes. He said that Channing would tell him to shut the fuck up because he's having fun making a movie with friends. He said stressing out over it doesn't make sense.
Howard asked about the advice that Geffen gave him. Jonah said that he's asked him for advice a few times. He said that he has told him that they offer you a big amount of money to do movies because that's the only way they can get you to do it. He said he has to ask himself if he would do something for free now. Howard said it paid off for Wolf of Wall Street. Jonah said that 60 grand is still a lot of money. He said he's not saying that it wasn't. Howard said he heard that the gift bag at the Oscars was worth 80,000. Jonah said there weren't that many great things in that bag. He said there were a lot of curling irons and things like that in the bag. He said he heard that back in the day they had a lot more. He said he thinks they've scaled it back. Robin said it became a tax thing and people had to declare what they were getting.
Howard said he's thinking about this whole TMZ thing. He asked where he was that he got a hold of him so long. Jonah said he was out to lunch with friends from high school and the guy was there. He said it just got to him. He said that shit gets to him and he's a sensitive dude. He said he's sentimental and sensitive. He said getting hurt gets to him.
Howard asked if his friends from high school are jealous. Jonah said his friends are family to him. He said he's not being overly sentimental either. He said they make fun of him when he deserves to be made fun of. He said they'll call him after this TMZ thing today and say he's better than that. Jonah said that these people mean everything to him. He said this shit may all go away today because these guys are so great.
Howard asked if he has had to face it when a friend comes to him asking for money. Jonah said no one in his life has done that. He said that no one that close to him depends on him. He hasn't had to say no to anyone.
Howard said he's amazed at who his friends are. Howard said Adam Levine is a friend. Jonah said that their dads met in the school. Howard said Adam is in Maroon 5. Jonah said that their dads were in junior high when they met. He wasn't talking about their dads meeting later in life. Howard asked if Adam was hard to grow up around because he's so good looking. Jonah said he's just a good person. He said he has been there for him and his family his whole life. He said people are just there for you and he's one of those dudes.
Howard asked if he ever saw Adam's meats. Jonah said he's sure he has seen him naked at some point but he really doesn't know. Howard said Adam is so gifted. He said he plays guitar like a god. Howard said he was at the birthday show and his performance was so great. Howard said he's so good looking too. He said he hopes he has a small cock. Jonah said he'll take a picture of this genitals and send it to him. Howard asked if he was jealous of his success at all. Jonah said he didn't want to be a rock star. He said Adam isn't a dick about it either.
Jonah said he went to see him perform when he was like 8 years old. He said that he is the same guy that he grew up with. He said he's just a nice guy. Howard asked if he was nerdy in high school because Adam claims he was. Jonah said he's not sure because he always looked up to him so he may not have the right perspective. Howard said he must have gotten a lot of pussy in high school. Jonah said he was signed to a record deal in high school so maybe he did.
Robin asked if Adam had a lot of acne growing up because he does those Proactive commercials. Jonah said he did have acne.
Howard said Jonah was very nice to him in an upcoming Playboy article where he mentioned him. He said that was very nice.
Howard said Jonah is in 22 Jump Street and this is the sequel to 21 Jump Street. Howard said that Ice Cube won him over in this new movie. Howard said he wasn't really on his radar. He said that the woman who plays Ice Cube's daughter is really hot too. Howard said that Jonah gets her in the movie. Jonah said that he's the one with the girls and Channing doesn't get any of the girls. He said it's his turn for that stuff.
Howard asked who wrote the stuff that Ice Cube was saying in the church when they first move. Jonah said they like to throw new lines out there while they're shooting. He said he loves trying new things in the moment. He said he's off camera and he'll ask him to say something and sometimes Ice Cube will say that he's not saying this shit.
Jonah told Howard that the girl who plays Ice's daughter has a great story. He said they had three actresses they wanted. He said they knew who they wanted. She wasn't one of them. He said she did a good audition but not a great one. He said the girl they wanted wasn't available because she was on a TV show. He said they fell in love with her doing the part and she wasn't even available. He said her agent was lying to them. Jonah said that it wasn't a cool move. He said he's not sure what show she was on. Jonah said that she was on her way there and they called her and let her know that they weren't going to have her play the part if she's not available. He said the company wanted three options. He said they had Amber Stevens come in and she kicked ass in the next audition. He said they hired her after that.
Gary said he saw the movie and he thought he knew Amber from somewhere. He said it turns out it's Shadoe Stevens' daughter. Gary said that she's been on Shadoe's Christmas card for the past 10 years. Howard said he gets that card very year and he didn't know it was her. Jonah said he didn't even know that's who her dad was. Howard said that Jonah makes out with her in the movie. Howard said that's the move to write a great love scene in a movie.
Howard said this gorgeous girl is in love scenes with him and he must get aroused. Jonah said he takes work so seriously that it doesn't happen. Howard said one of his daughters is 30 and they don't think about sex that way. Howard said that Jonah can hang out with girls and not think about fucking them. Howard said that he can't have friends like that who won't fuck him. Jonah said he likes having friends like that. He said you get perspective on the world from people like that.
Howard gave Jonah a plug for the movie and asked how much he wants to bet so he has to kiss the tip of his dick. Jonah said he'll do that anyway. He said he thinks that he and Channing are going to do that bet again. He said that he's kind of bummed that the movie is coming out on Friday the 13th. He said that he has a little bit of OCD over that. Howard said he used to be really bad with his OCD. He said he has it under control a bit. He and Jonah talked about how great the OCD episode of Girls was. Howard said that Lena really did some good writing about that.
Howard asked if he has any say in when the movie comes out. Jonah said that they have a whole process to figure all of that out. He said that How to Train Your Dragon 2 is coming out the same day. He said he's in both movies actually. He said that he's got two sequels opening on the same day. Howard said he's on fire. Jonah said he's really not. Howard told him not to worry about his OCD with that and just admit he's on fire.
Howard said he could say to the movie company that they should open on the 12th in one theater. Jonah said he's really not worried about the 13th. He said that he will know by Friday night how the movie is doing. Howard asked if he'll go to a theater and watch with the audience. Jonah said with this one he will. He said if you go to see it on a Friday night it's like going to a rock concert.
Howard asked how he sneaks in. Jonah said he'll wear a hoodie and sneak in. He said that he likes to see how people react to a scene you think is hilarious and then it bombs. He said then a scene will come up that wasn't all that funny and it kills.
Jonah said that he has a show at HBO and he is doing it about how angry he is about homophobia. He said that's one thing he wanted to say about that whole TMZ thing.
Howard asked if he would like to finger Benjy for his weight loss challenge. Benjy said he thinks that would show where his heart is. Jonah said he loves Benjy as a fan of the show. He said he's so reserved now and he knows he does the writing on the show a lot. Howard said he can't wait for him to get fingered. He said that Jonah's fingers may not be big enough.
Howard said he will be waiting to find out how the movie does net week. He said that he saw it and he really liked it. He said when he doesn't like a film he just says he didn't see it. Jonah said he thinks that it really is great. He said it's the highest testing movie in Sony history. He said he stands behind it too. Howard gave him another plug and wrapped up.
Howard brought up Eric the Actor and Jonah asked about the painting he sent to him. Howard said it was great. Howard said Jonah emailed him and Jimmy Kimmel a painting of Eric. Howard got Eric on the line to tell him about it. Howard said this guy painted a picture of Eric sitting with a cougar. Howard said Eric is sitting on a park bench and he has the whole twisted foot and all. He said that he isn't sure why Eric is petting a cougar though. Howard asked if this is a painting that's for sale. Jonah said that he's not sure it's for sale but you'd probably need a lot of money to buy it. Jonah said that he doesn't own a single piece of his work. Howard asked if he put a number on it. Jonah said he's not sure he can put a number on it. He said he can find out what it's worth though.
Howard asked Eric if he knew there was a painting of him out there. Eric said he had no idea. Robin said it would be great to have Eric sitting next to it. Howard asked if they can show a picture on the web site. Jonah said he'll text him and ask him. Jonah said he wants to buy something for Eric from his wish list. Howard asked Gary what he can get him. Gary said he has a ton of water and a replica of the Oakland A's stadium on the list. Howard asked if Eric wants to junk up his house with that. Eric said he's a big sports fan and a fan of the A's and Giants. He said that's something that interests him. Howard asked how much it is. Eric didn't have the list in front of him to see. Howard said Eric is so small he can sit in it and pretend he's at the game.
Jonah asked if he used the cross bow Jimmy got him. Eric said it was a BB gun, not a crossbow. Jonah asked what he uses them on. Eric said he likes to collect them. He said he's into guns and doesn't want to own the real thing. Jonah said he respects that.
Gary said Eric has a 120 gallon Worcestershire sauce on his list. Eric said he has other things that go with that. He said that's for making party mix. Howard asked what he wants Jonah to get him. Jonah said he is such an interesting guy he thinks he's a talent. Howard said this makes the Playboy interview seem less important to him now.
Howard asked Eric what he wants. Eric said the stadium replica is good. Eric said he would like to ask Jonah a few questions about Moneyball and thins like that if he can get his email. Howard said as someone who has seen Eric's email they are relentless. He said they are pages long and they will fill his email box. Eric said they're not that bad. Jonah said he'll put some thought into it. Howard said he'll fell guilty if that OCD kicks in. Jonah said sometimes it's better to just be a fan and keep your distance. He said he'll try though.
Eric said he wanted to ask Jonah about Adam Levine and if Blake legitimately gave out his phone number. Howard said Eric is out of his mind. He said Jonah doesn't watch that show. Jonah said he has no idea who Blake even is. Jonah said he has people who will get in touch with Eric.
Ralph called in and said Eric wonders about the worst things. He said that was the worst question ever. Ralph did his impression of Eric for a second. He also asked Jonah if he gets annoyed when they ruin jokes in the trailers. Jonah said that is a problem. He said Sony is the best place to make movies. He said they are your partner and they have to sell the movie. He said they put stuff that's the good stuff in there. He said they want to protect it too but they have to do it.
Howard thanked Ralph for the call and started to wrap up with Jonah. Howard said that joy he has for Eric could turn to pain. He said he warned him about giving him his email. He wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard said the spacing seems like clockwork. He said it's like every 5 seconds. Ron said that's how it is for him. Howard said when he sleeps he's fine. Ron said when he lays down it slows down. He said it never really stops though. He said he has to take some sleep medication or he wouldn't get any sleep.
Howard said this is a horrible thing but it sounds funny as hell. He asked if people laugh and apologize. Ron said he can't go to a movie or anything. Howard asked if he is single. Ron said he's lived with a woman for 16 years. Howard asked if she's beside herself over this. Ron said she is. He said that if he were her he would have gotten rid of him a long time ago. He said she must love him or something.
Howard said that he'd think that this would go away at some point. Ron said he wishes it would. He asked Howard how many listeners he has. Howard said it's in the millions. Ron said if they can go watch him on YouTube and any doctors who can help please get in contact.
Howard asked Ron if he would come in there and be their announcer. Ron said he lives in Florida. Howard said he knows. Robin asked if he's in any discomfort. Ron said he isn't really. Howard asked if it's a burp or more of a grunt. Ron said it is an eruption. He said no one can figure out how to turn this thing off. Howard asked if it could be psychological. Ron said that's what some people think. He said that he has to deal with people who aren't real doctors. He said he lost his job in 2008 and he lost his own business because he couldn't do it. He said he was doing this for 20 hours a day and only getting 2-4 hours of sleep.
Howard asked Ron to speak in an English accent to see if that would stop it. Ron tried it and it didn't stop. Howard asked if he has tried singing. Ron said he was told to try whistling. Howard told him to try singing a song. He told him to try it without even thinking about it. Ron tried it and he still let out the belch.
Howard wondered if he tried scaring him if it would go away like hiccups. Howard tried giving him a boo or two. Howard said that he would like to get him up there to be their guest announcer. Howard wondered if sex would stop it. Ron said he hasn't had sex in a really long time. He said his woman isn't well. Howard said he's sorry for him. Ron said that if there are any doctors listening please look at his video. He said his email address is there on the video. Howard asked what they can type in to find it. Ron said you go to YouTube and find it under ''Medical Mystery Belching Man.'' He said he comes up in a Google search too.
Robin asked if he has come across anyone else who has this affliction. Ron said there are a few. Howard said they have a link on their Twitter account.
Howard said he thinks he'll find the help he needs now that he's been on the show. Ron said there are people who get in your face over it when he's out shopping. He said they ask him what he had for breakfast and things like that. He said this just gets worse when he eats something. Ron said that he is afraid that the gun laws are so liberal that no one has shot him for not apologizing for belching. Howard said that no one would do that to him.
Howard said he thinks he's a star. He said he feels the opposite about that. Ron said there was a guy who was beaten with a chair in a Taco Bell for not apologizing for belching. He said there are people out there who will hurt you.
Ron said he wishes he could get to New York to see the city. He said he's never been. Howard said he thinks that they'll get him up there.
Howard had a woman on the phone who has constant orgasms. It was Sal and Richard playing audio of Robin doing a fake orgasm on the show one time.
Howard told Ron he'll pass on any info he gets. He said that they'll send out the link and get someone to check him out. Howard said they'll arrange to have him come up to be a guest announcer too. Howard let him go a short time later.
Howard said that it's not as funny now that they got to know Ron. Howard played more of the audio he played earlier this morning of Ron belching and asking for help.
Robin read a story about Joan Hamburg who has been on WOR for 35 years. Robin said she came to work and saw the H.R. Person there. Robin said Joan thought someone was going to get fired. It turned out it was her. Robin said she was told she was no longer needed and her job was eliminated. Robin said she was told to leave immediately. Howard said she's like 1000 years old. Howard said that she should have expected it at some point. Robin said they didn't need to let her come to work that day. They could have called her instead.
Robin read a story about the pope saying that marriage is supposed to be for people to have children. Howard said he's sick of people telling other people what they're supposed to do. Howard said that he knows he's the pope but keep your nose out of people's business. Robin said that he said that Jesus doesn't approve of some things and a childless marriage is one of them. Howard said if that's the case then he should get married and have kids. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about how there's a slowdown in the sales of dolls for boys. Robin said Ralph is one of the people who buys them and saves some unopened. Robin said they say that the sales of some of the toys for blockbuster movies are off to a sluggish start. Robin said she's glad to hear that. She said that could be good news that grown adults aren't buying that stuff. Howard said Wolfie just went to a convention and he has to pay that tomorrow. Howard said fuck that he has to play it now.
Howard played some Wolfie interviews from Wizard World. Howard said he doesn't think anyone there has a job or a girlfriend. Howard played a clip of Wolfie interviewing a guy dressed up as Beta Ray Bill. He was wearing a mask and Howard seems to love that. Howard did an impression of the muffled voice. Wolfie asked him a few questions about how long it took to make the costume and things like that. Howard mentioned that Dave Herman died last week. Robin said she didn't know that. Howard said he felt good for Dave. He said if he was innocent, and he knows nothing about that, maybe he'd want to be dead. Howard said he was 78 years old. He said if he was guilty he's better off too. Howard said he died of a heart attack in jail. Howard said they worked with Dave for a little while at K-Rock. Robin said it was like 3 years they worked with him. Howard said he was the last person he'd expect to be a pedophile. Robin asked who he would think would be. Howard whispered ''FRED! Check the trunk of his car!''
Howard said they were doing mornings there at K-Rock and they were carrying the whole station. He said the rest of the station didn't get jack shit for ratings. Howard said it's been that way his whole career. Howard said Dave would show up for his shift really early. Howard said it turns out he was busy with his fantasy baseball nonsense. Then he found out Scott was involved with that fantasy crap too. Howard had Scott come in to talk about how close he was to Dave. Scott came in and said that he wasn't that close. He said they did play the baseball thing together. Scott said he never got the pedophile vibe from him. Howard asked if he ever mentioned how hot little girls were. Scott joked that he did but Howard said his jokes just don't work. Scott said he knows. Howard said it drove him crazy that they played that fantasy baseball stuff. He said he should have been working.
Gary said that Scott hardly posts anything on their internal network thing. He said that yesterday he posted that it was national leave work early day. Howard asked him to stay two hours later today then.
Howard got back to Wizard con. He had Ralph on the line though. Ralph said he wanted to talk about Casey Kasem. He said the house they live in is really crappy looking. He said he doesn't think that he has any money. Ralph said the daughter is really hot though.
Howard said today is National You're Lucky to Have a Job Day for Scott. He said he wonders who came up with leaving work early day.
Howard said that his wife was on the Maxim top 100 list. Howard said he was voted the most fuckable on a web site too. He said they're like the hottest couple around minute him. Howard said he sees people do look at him differently. He said they think there must be something about him.
Howard said America's Got Talent is on tonight. He said he was out on the street this morning and this older woman was saying hello to him. He said normally that woman would just vomit.
Howard figured it was too late to get to more Wolfie stuff. Robin got back to her news and read about a guy who blames his dog for crashing his car. Robin said the guy claims the dog was on his lap and the dog fell on the gas pedal which made the car go into a pond. Robin said the guy and the puppy got out of the pond unhurt.
Robin read a story about a kid who was in a car accident that killed 4 other students. Robin said the attorney is saying that he was not impaired and there were no instructions on the road so that's why he crashed.
Robin read a story about Billy Graham who used to fill stadiums. Robin said Joel Osteen is filling stadiums though. Robin said he's going to be at Yankee stadium soon. Howard said he heard he got a channel there at SiriusXM. Robin said he did. Howard said he wants to see him bring in some listeners. Robin had some audio of Osteen talking about the stadium show. Robin said this is his first venture into satellite radio too. Robin said the launch date of the show will be announced later.
Robin said the reaction to the release of the army Sargent isn't going well. Robin said it continues to rage. Robin said the former platoon mates are saying he didn't serve with honor. Robin said they say he walked away from his brothers when they were doing whatever they were doing. Robin said he tried to engage the Taliban and that's when he was captured. Robin had some audio of some people talking about that. Howard said that's a crazy story. He said he doesn't have a problem swapping a soldier for a soldier. He said we gave away like 5 top guys to get our guy back. Howard said then you find out that this guy was deserting. Robin said that's what they're saying. Robin and Howard talked about some of the things they're saying about this guy. There are a bunch of theories about what was going on. Robin had a bunch of audio clips of various people talking about it.
Robin read a story about Apple's announcements at the WWDC yesterday. Robin had some audio from the event where they called Dr. Dre to come to work for them. Robin read about some of the new things they will have in their new operating system. Robin said one of the features is disappearing texts. Howard said he doesn't understand that one. Howard said he'd want a copy.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with some details about the new operating system. Jon said that they'll have a hand off feature that lets you work on your different devices and pass it off to another. Howard asked Jon some questions about that. Jon also said that if you get a phone call it'll show up on your computer screen. Robin said she has an operating system where her texts show up on her screen. Howard said he gets that too. He said Jon is talking about something else. Howard asked Jon why he'd want his texts to disappear. Jon said he doesn't think he does. Jon said there's other interesting things in there. Howard said anything that involve sitting Jon is the guy to ask about it.
Robin read that this is the 10th anniversary of President Reagan's death. Robin read some details of his career and had some audio clips of some people talking about Reagan.
Robin had some audio of President Obama talking about what's going on in Ukraine. Robin said he's in Poland today to have some discussions. President Putin is supposed to be there as well.
Robin read that Donald Sterling is selling the LA Clippers and Donald Trump was on The Late Show with David Letterman last night and he weighed in on that story. Robin had some audio of that interview.
Robin read a story about how NASA wants to launch a flying saucer from Hawaii. They are doing this to test landings for a space craft to land on Mars some day. Howard said Fred will finally get to go home. Robin read some details about the test landings and what they'll be doing.
Robin read a story about a group in Texas that wants everyone to carry a gun there. Robin said even the National Rifle Association seems shocked by this. Robin said that they are saying it's just downright weird. Robin had some audio of someone from the NRA talking about that.
Robin read a story about the Allman Brothers making their plans for their final shows ever. Robin said it's time to get out and see them now if you ever wanted to see them. Howard said they'll be back. He said he doesn't believe they're going away. Howard said he'll catch them next time when they reunite.
Robin said that Gangnam Style broke a record on YouTube. Robin said that video has over 2 billion views. Robin said that happened while they were on vacation. Robin said he has more hits than anyone on YouTube. Howard said he likes that he fell off the face of the earth. Robin said Psy has a new song coming out and that will be out soon.
Robin read about how Chris Brown is ready to return to music after his release from jail on Monday. Robin read about why he was in jail.
Robin asked who is the highest paid woman in TV today. Howard had no idea. Robin said it's Sophia Vergara. Howard said that flew off his radar. Robin said they say she makes about $30 million a year in TV. Howard said just imagine what the other people are making on Modern Family.
Howard said crime is down 19 percent in Colorado since they made marijuana legal. He said he just wanted to get that out there. Howard wrapped up and ended the show around 10:25am.
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Jon said he wanted to talk about Gary's last name and the latest iteration of it. Jon said that his name has gone through a few changes. Gary explained how he's pronounced it over the years and how he says it now. He said people fuck it up all the time. He said he had one addressed to Gary Bellafonte, New York, NY and it made it to him somehow.
Gary said he had a teacher who would do attendance every morning and he'd say it wrong every morning even after he corrected him. Gary said he didn't care that much but the guy never changed.
Jon asked if he gets offended when someone says it wrong. Gary said not at all. He said it's not an easy name to say.
Jon said they should talk about Jonah Hill. He said he's the ultimate guest. He said he knows everyone and he's a fan. He said that some guests would have canceled their appearance after what happened last night. He said this was the perfect place to address it though. Gary said Jonah came to him and said he wanted to talk about the TMZ thing. He said he wanted to do it right up front. He said Jonah was happy he had time to talk about it during the interview there. Gary said that they have plenty of time to get their point across on their show. He said that he made his point too.
Jon said that this happens from time to time and people don't want to talk about certain things. Gary said you can't hide from it these days. He said today's example was a good way to show how to deal with it.
Jon said that sometimes you just break when the Paparazzi are hounding you. He said that's their goal to get you to do that. Gary said that sometimes they'll pick on a celebrity and he's not sure why. He said Jonah is an A-list celebrity and now they know he's gettable. He said that maybe he'll be on his toes and not let them get to him again. He said he understands that you give up some privacy with celebrity but he's not sure where the line is. He said if you walk the red carpet then all bets are off. He said he wonders when you can have lunch or play with your kids. He said he knows that some people hire photographers to make them look candid when they're really not.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that this set a different tone for the whole interview. He said it seemed to start off kind of bad and then he brought up the Channing Tatum thing and he got kind of defensive on that too. Jon said he thinks that it was awkward for him and Howard loves that. He said that he thinks Jonah handled it just fine. He said that was an interesting thing to talk about. He wondered who is more famous. Gary said he thinks that Jonah is but maybe a high school girl would think Channing is.
Jon said that Jonah brought his mom to the Oscars. He asked if that was a good move. Gary said it can be a good move because he sends his mom home when he's partying and then he looks good in the eyes of other hot chicks. Jon asked Jason if he thought it was good. Jason said he would never bring his mom to the Oscars. He said he would want pictures of different hot chicks to look at from different years.
Benjy said that maybe he didn't bring a girl because he's got multiple people he's seeing. Gary said maybe Jonah really likes his mom. Benjy said he thinks that could get him laid even more than if he brought a girl with him. Jason said it seems like a gigantic headache to bring a mom to that. He said he knows his mom would be annoying.
Jon asked Ronnie who he would bring. Ronnie said he would bring the girl and leave mom at home or bring the girl and the mom. Gary said you only get a plus one. Ronnie said it's still a cool move to bring the mom. He said you look cool to a lot of women. He said at the after party the women will drool all over him at the after parties. Ronnie said the girls who are single at the after party will think he's really cool. Gary said he agrees.
Jason said he'd want someone he could sit and talk to at the Oscars. He said he might bring a dude. Gary said that gets weird when you walk the red carpet with him. Jason said he doesn't like the mom thing. He said he doesn't think it looks cool. Ronnie said he does. Jason said he would think that most girls would think it's creepy to be close to your mom. Gary said that if you're good to your mom then you're good to other women. That's what some people think. They went to break a short time later.
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Jon said they were talking about Benjy and his fingering and how he's kind of picking the person who will do it. Benjy said he thinks it would be cool to have a dating game kind of thing. Gary said they're going to do that. He said they will have a few people there.
Benjy said he thinks that Jonah Hill would be great to do it. He said George Takei is very close to the show and he's not sure it would be that good if he did it. Gary asked if Benjy is going to make it with the weight loss. Benjy said he's had a couple of days of screw ups. Gary asked why his girlfriend is contacting Howard about that. Benjy said she was just writing jokes and stuff. Jon said he thinks that Benjy isn't going to make it and he is going to wait until the last minute to do it. Jason said he has a suggestion to have bagels there every morning. Benjy said that's not that hard to avoid. He said it's at home when he has a problem. He said he loses track of calories he will just eat everything he can. Jason told him to just drink hot water.
Gary asked if he would have to have ice cream if he sent over two pints of Ben & Jerry's. Benjy said no. He said he has to keep track of what he's eating though.
The guys were talking about Scott the Engineer almost getting fucked in the ass. Gary said what happened there was that kids at Scott's son's school started calling his dad a ''fag'' and Scott saw the reality of the whole thing and backed out. Jon said they should get Scott down there to talk about that.
Jon said Scott came in late in the show to talk about Dave Herman. He said that he had also posted that ''It's National Leave Early Day'' yesterday. Jason said that he listed a bunch of weird holidays in the month of tune and he pointed that one out too. Jason said it was so obvious what he was going for there.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he's rooting for Benjy to do this and he doesn't want to see fingers up anyone's ass. He wondered how they shoot that. Gary told him not to worry about that. They'll make sure it gets shot.
Benjy said that he thinks most people are rooting for it in a funny way. Gary said he didn't give it a second thought that he might not lose the weight. He said after today he's not sure he can.
Scott came in so Jon asked Scott about the message he put up. Scott said he actually deleted it because it was actually yesterday. He said he didn't actually care. He said it was a joke. Jon asked if he worries about his bits backfiring. Scott said no.
Gary asked Scott about the butt fucking thing from years ago. He asked what happened there and if he had a family meeting about it. Scott said it was just a stupid idea that he and KC were talking about. He said he was kind of screwing around with it. The guys all called bullshit on that story.
Jon asked Scott if he talked about it with his wife and son or just his wife. Scott said it was just his wife. Jason said he's going back to find that tape. Scott said his memory might be kind of hazy.
Gary also said that it wasn't KC asking for someone to do it. He said KC came to him and said he was asking people wacky questions and he found out that someone would have anal sex for money. He said that they had to guess who on the staff was willing to get banged in the ass. That's when Scott was named as the person. Scott said it went from in the studio behind a curtain to in Giants Stadium. He said doing it there was out of the question. Scott said Howard kept adding things to it. Jon asked if there's still a price for him that he'd end up doing it. Scott said there's always a price. Jon asked if he'd do it for a million. Ronnie said he thinks Scott would. Ronnie said he wouldn't do it though. He said he's not taking it in the ass.
Gary said he thinks if they had $250,000 right now that Scott would do it in the studio. Scott said that's tough. Jon asked what the struggle is. Scott said he's had a colonoscopy. He said that's the biggest thing he's had in there.
Benjy asked if they would do it in private for that money. Gary said he wouldn't do it. He said he would know what it is even if it was in private. He said that's just not who he is. Gary said he thinks there is a connotation in his head that he can't get past. Benjy said it's not that big of a deal. He said he thinks that it's no big deal. Gary said that's Benjy's line though. He said it's not the same for everyone. Benjy said it should be for everyone.
Gary said he's sure they'd be doing it with Scott if they had the money there for him. Scott said he would not do it. Jon said they have some doubters in there. Jason said that Scott didn't go through with the act but there are attempted murderers who are in jail for not actually going through with it. He said he would do it so that's like attempted anal.
Jon had to cut the guys off from arguing back and forth about the whole anal thing. He said they had to take a break and then they'd come back and talk more about it.
Jon said he wanted to talk about Roseanne and how she was talking about how there was some sexism there in the sitcom world. He said he wonders if there was. He said her show really is underrated. Gary said that he loves that show. He said he thought everyone on the show was great other than Sarah Chalke. He said Becky wasn't supposed to be hot. He said the original Becky was the right girl for the part.
Jason said that show was so ground breaking because they took two unattractive people and made them the leads. He said it really did change the sitcom world. He said he doesn't think that there would have been a King of Queens without it. He said with all of that he thinks Seinfeld is the greatest written sitcom of all time.
Gary said he didn't recognize Roseanne when she came in. He said she's really down to nothing. Jon said that Howard asked her about Tom Arnold because she used to talk about how funny he was and no one knew who he was. He said that she must feel vindicated in some way. Gary said that whole thing is still not settled. Benjy said he could see it on her face and hear it in her voice. He said that there's still a lot of anger there. Gary said he's not sure it's anger. He said that she's attached to Tom the rest of her life and he's not sure why. Jon said they were into some crazy stuff and then they split up and it was even more crazy stuff. Gary said that was like 15-20 years ago though.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if there are any guys in there who would give it to a man for $250,000. Ronnie and Scott said no. Gary said when they were at K-Rock they had a Hispanic station there. He said they thought if you gave it you were not gay but if you took it you were not. Jon said if you believe that then it's an easy $250,000. Benjy said you still have to get an erection though. He said he's not sure he could do that.
Scott wondered if you do it to a woman in the rear then why not be able to do it to a man. Benjy said it looks a little different. Jon asked where he's going with that. Scott said he's just wondering.
Benjy asked how long ago it was that the Scott thing happened. Scott said it was a long time ago. He said his son was about 12. It was about 15 years ago. Benjy asked if he had a discussion with his son about it. Gary said he had to have. Scott didn't remember. Gary said he had to have discussed it in some way. Scott said maybe they did then. Scott said here have been things on the show that have happened that he's not too proud of a and that's one of them.
Jon said it was time to end the show. They all got in their plugs and they ended the show around 11:20am.
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Howard started the show talking about the alternate version of the ''Great American Nightmare'' song that opens the show. Gary told Howard where it was. Howard played the song and it was an a cappella version. Howard said there are no instruments being used in it. It was all human voices making the sounds. Howard let that play for a minute saying that was pretty good. Robin asked who wasted their time doing that. Howard said it was Jeremy Lipkin who works for them. Howard said he has a group he works with who do a cappella songs and they put it together. Howard said they got together and wasted the day. Howard said there isn't anything to do there so they do stuff like that.
Howard said there was a lot of music sent in. He said he has a new Imran Khan song to play. He said he'll do that when they talk to him. He said he's sure that will happen at some point. Howard said Benjy has new songs coming in too. Howard said he doesn't appear to be dieting much. Howard played a song called ''Benjy Will Never Lose That Weight.''
Howard took a call from Tommy in Malden who said he was thinking Big Foot as the Benjy fingerer. Howard said he has gotten a lot of feedback about that. Howard said Benjy laid this out for himself and he had nothing to do with it. Benjy said Howard went along with it. Howard asked if he's upset that he's doing it. Benjy said he's going back and forth. Benjy said he thinks he can get it going but he's not sure. He said the first several days he thought he could but he's fallen off the past few days. Robin asked if he thinks about what's going to happen to him. Benjy said he thinks he still has time. Howard said he does the same thing. He waits until the last minute to do it. Howard said he thinks Benjy didn't think this through.
Howard said the most likely candidate to do this is not Big foot. He said Big Foot does have big, thick fingers and it would be amazing. He said the person they think will do it is Gogo Harder who is a male porn star. Robin said she has to look him up. Howard said he has a clip of him getting fucked in the ass. Howard played that and the guy was moaning as he was getting it. Howard said if he heard this clip he'd be thinner than an Auschwitz person. Howard said he actually is but Benjy isn't.
Howard said if Benjy ends up getting fingered in the ass, what will he do? Benjy said he has had a colonic in the past. He said he was screaming over that. He said a nurse had to hit him to be quiet when he was doing that. Howard said when he goes to the doctor for his finger in the ass prostate exam he finds it very uncomfortable. Howard said he does go in there with K-Y. Benjy said he won't let it get to that. He said he's going to lose the weight. Howard asked if he really will. Benjy said he doesn't know. Howard said he can't seem to get it together.
Fred asked what the back up plan is. That's where Elisa comes in and shows her tits. Benjy said he won't let that happen. Howard said he's going to find the best looking dude to come in and feel her up. Benjy said he'll take the ass. Howard said that's only fair.
Howard asked Benjy if he's going to get an enema the night before. Benjy said he will probably be emptied out by then. He said he'll go until the last minute to lose his weight. Howard asked if he will wax back there. Benjy said he may have a beauty weekend to get ready.
Sal came in and Howard asked what he did to his face. Sal said he wiped tanning cream on it and put sunglasses on when he went bike riding. Howard said he was totally distracted by him. Sal said he has huge sunglasses and his wife laughed at him over that. He said he put tanning cream on over that. He said he's not there for that though.
Sal said that Benjy has to make out with Gogo Harder as well as taking the finger. Howard said his original idea was to be raped. Benjy said that was so he could escape. Howard said sometimes you can't escape. Howard said he would have had a dick in his ass. Howard said he came up with the idea to just get fingered. He saved Benjy from the rape.
Sal was thinking Benjy would have to sit on the finger while he makes out. Howard said he pictures him being on his back and getting fingered like a girl. Howard said that's what he would do to Robin if he was making out with her. Howard said that the finger will be in Benjy's man pussy or Ben-gina.
Sal asked if Benjy's girlfriend is really going to stay with him after that. Benjy said he's not going to have a baby with the guy. Howard said that they can't even do this at Sirius because it's so hard core. He said they have to do it somewhere else.
Howard played more of the Gogo Harder clip and wondered if Benjy will sound like that. Benjy asked if they even know if Gogo wants to do this. Howard said he does and he's set up to do it if they need him. Howard said that this is what he wants Benjy to say while he's getting fingered. He had a clip of a guy saying make babies daddy and things like that.
Sal asked if Gogo can jack his cock off while Benjy is getting fingered. Howard said that's fine. Howard said he gets the feeling Benjy isn't that turned off to this. Benjy said he is. He said he's not into this kind of thing. Gary asked if he has had other men in the room while doing a woman. Benjy said he has. Howard said he's just a step away from doing something like this.
Howard said he has had a guy in a room with him while he's doing it. He said the guy was sleeping on the other side of the room though.
Howard played more of the gay porn clip where the guy was saying he wanted to make a baby. Howard said he has to call his ass a pussy. Benjy said if a girl is ugly and heavy set you wouldn't want to have sex.
Howard said Benjy gained weight yesterday. He said he could gain enough to go past zero on the scale and that would be the only way he'd look like he lost enough.
Tommy said they should go with 50 Franklin for the gay guy. Howard said they already have Gogo lined up. Gary said they're also bringing a few people in for this. Howard said a bunch of listeners want to finger Benjy. He said he has some things to read. Tommy said he'd finger him. Howard asked if he'd make out with him. Tommy said no.
Howard read a note they got from a guy who said he has really large fingers. Howard said that was Big Pete. Howard said there's a bass player from a band who wanted to do that for a few plugs. Howard said he thinks it's better if it's a gay guy. Howard had a guy saying that he wanted eye contact with Benjy while he's fingering him. Howard said they're going to bring a few of them in that day.
Howard asked Benjy if he's attracted to these people. Benjy said he's not. Howard read another guy's letter who said that he wanted to stick his thumb up his ass but he wouldn't be into it. He said another guy said he has always wanted to finger Benjy. Howard said he would like to do that while making out with his own girlfriend. Howard said they'll meet some of these guys.
Benjy asked if they heard back from George Takei. Gary said he has not. He said he left a voice mail for him but didn't say what it was about.
Tommy said that Cameron Hall on the Today show is really hot. Howard said Katie Couric is dropping by today. Howard said she's working for Yahoo and it sounds like an awesome gig. Howard said he heard they're pissed because she's not getting big stars to interview. Howard said he has to ask her about that. Howard said he likes talking to her. Howard said the story is that they want her back on the Today show. Howard said he wants to talk to her about all of that. Howard said he loves all of that media bullshit.
Howard asked Hanzi if he likes that song. Hanzi said he doesn't give a shit. Howard said he does too. Howard said he loves it.
Hanzi asked if Howard can ask Katie to give him a hand job. Howard said that's not happening. Hanzi said that's because he thinks he's a fat piece of shit. Howard said if you think you want to get girls all you have to do is jerk off and that goes away. Howard said that he just whacks one out and he's off his wife's back. He said it's a very evolved thing. Robin asked if that works for everyone. Howard said he thinks once you whack off that's it. He said you have to keep that in your back pocket. Robin asked about the guys who go out and shoot women. Howard said those guys are all fucked up. Howard said that's all about hating your mother. Hanzi said it is not.
Hanzi said that Howard knows about what went on with Dave Chappelle. Howard said he does not. He said he thinks he cracked from the pressure. Howard said he had struggled so long that he didn't know how to handle it. Howard said he realized he couldn't keep it going and he might let people down. Howard said he was going to get $50 million to keep the show going and he'd have his whole family set up for life. Howard said he realized that he had to go out and make a living himself. He said he had a whole agenda for his family and not even for himself. Howard said he spends money on his family and not on himself.
Hanzi said he doesn't think Dave wanted to sell his soul. Howard said that's ridiculous. Hanzi said that he said it in his stand up act. He said he explained it and it made perfect sense. Hanzi said that Dave was talking about working with the shadiest white people in the room and telling him to run to the money and then the white people put their dicks on the money. Howard said he knows them over at Comedy Central and they're not like that. They wanted him to go out and be funny and get paid for it. Howard said that explanation is for guys like Hanzi who buy into that bullshit.
Hanzi said that Howard is forced to wear a dress by the powers that be. Howard said he's not forced into that. He said that Hanzi sounds so out there when he does that. He hung up on him and said he sounds like he's off the wall. He had to go to break after that.
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Howard said that he goes crazy watching AGT so he can't stay up and watch. Robin said she had to stay up a few hours late. She said she gets charged up from the show too. She said especially when they end it with the dancing.
The caller said it was great when Howie went running off not wanting his hands touched. Howard said Howie has it really bad. He said he has the worst OCD. Howard said when they tape the show it's an endless day. He said they tape hundreds of acts a day. He said Howie can't even go back and lay down. He said he has to be in the hallway talking and doing shtick. He said it's exhausting to watch. He said the guy is so tortured.
Howard said he takes that hour and eats for about 20 minutes and then lays down. He said it's such a long day. He said Howie will go down and entertain the crew. He said it's like he's doing a show in Vegas. Howard said the guy is so tortured it's remarkable. He said he has a lot of energy for a guy his age. Howard said he's a nice guy. Howard said it's not the worst way to spend a day but it's long.
Howard said they have a lot of talent this year. Robin said they had the salsa dancers last night. Howard said he was thinking if he would be blown away if it was a man and a woman. Howard said he figured yes and it was a novelty to have two men dancing. Robin said she likes to see a man and a woman. She said that this act was really good though. Howard said then they danced. Robin said they had the magician act where Howard had to put on gloves and go looking for the card. Howard said that act went on so long and then the card ended up wedged into his crack. Howard said they brought him some tongs to pull it out. Howard said his ass was so sweaty and large that he had trouble getting it out. He said it was like trying to pull Excalibur out of the guy's asshole. Howard said the act went on so long that he had to ask Nick to come out and help.
Robin said they had the act where Howie couldn't read. Howard said he has no idea how that worked. Robin said she was going to ask him. Howard said that was great. Robin said they had the family of 12. Howard said they're an interesting family. He said they're not the greatest singers but they're like the Partridge Family. He said he thinks that America will love these guys. Howard said they had 12 children. Howard asked if they showed the part where the mom came out. Robin said they did. Howard said that she was attractive. He said she should have her vagina lips hanging on the floor after 12 kids.
Robin said they had the triplets with the card throwing kid. Howard said he was amazing. Howard said he tried to throw a card and he wasn't able to do it. Howard said he tried to throw one card and he can't do it. Howard said he checked the cards and they were regular cards. He said he was cutting celery with it and it was amazing.
Robin said they had that guy who came out with his guitar and people were screaming. Robin said they had some tap dancing kids. Howard said he didn't like them. He said he remembers watching them and he wasn't that impressed. He said they're not bad but they weren't exceptional. Robin said they had the aerialist who did the act to the video. Howard said she was very good. Robin said that was amazing. Howard said that's what he's looking for. He said he's not looking for tap dancing.
Howard thanked the caller for the call. The guy said he had a question for Fred. He asked if he has seen that Danny Trejo and Beetlejuice sound the same when they laugh. Fred said he'd pull clips to compare.
Howard took a call from a guy who said it's time to fire JD. He said he has never seen a smile on JD's face. He said he looked happy out directing that TV show. He said JD will never leave if he doesn't fire him. Howard said he is assuming that if he fires him he'll rise to the occasion. Howard said he was able to direct because he's part of the show. Howard said they gave him a treat. Howard said he got a treat and it's like the Make a Wish foundation. Howard said that's like saying he should quit radio because he'd be way happier as a rock star.
Howard said JD hasn't shown that he wants to be a director. Howard said JD hasn't done anything to be a director. Howard said if they stuck him in Led Zeppelin he'd be the same way. Howard said if he fired JD he'd end up working in a department store. He said he'd be in the stock room doing something. He said he's not going to go out and be a director.
Howard said firing him isn't the answer. The caller said he should give JD a deadline. Howard said that he can give himself a deadline. He's not going to force him to do anything. Howard said that's up to JD to do what he wants to do. Howard said if he fires him he goes into a massive depression and then he gets a job at a department store. Then they hire him and no one knows what he's saying so they have to let him go. Howard said he just sits on his Twitter account talking about the good ol' days. Howard said that he will be a master of Filet-o-fish.
Howard said JD does a great job there. He said he had a wonderful experience in L.A. and he had his big Make a Wish day. Howard said of course he's happy.
Howard said if he wants to be a director then he can do that. Howard said it's like saying that he should go out and be in Crosby Stills and Nash. Howard said he'd like to have that job but who cares what he wants.
Howard asked Fred if he had the two laughs lined up. Fred did. He had Danny Trejo laughing and then Beetlejuice laughing. They did sound similar. Howard said they have a different tone but they are similar. A caller said maybe he's Beetle's dad.
Howard took a call and said that Katie Couric is coming in and they may have Donald Sterling calling in as well. He said that they have their fingers crossed that they'll be speaking to him in minutes.
Fred played the belching guy from yesterday and Howard said he got so much negative feedback about that. Howard said that he had some email about how disgusting it was and how they would tune out if they had him on as an announcer. Some people said the sound makes them nauseous. Howard said that some people think he's faking it. Howard said that he has a clip of Robin getting oral from the guy. Howard played that edited clip of Robin moaning and the guy belching. He had a clip of AC/DC's ''For Those About to Rock'' with the belcher in there.
Howard asked the caller what he wanted. The caller said there are other things they could use the belch for. Howard played another song they put his belch in. Howard said he's going to get that guy in there for his own amusement. Howard said they can tune out if they don't like it.
The caller said that Howard is the greatest. He said people tell him about local radio shows and they're nothing. He said Howard is a great judge on AGT. He said he's like a real person. He said he doesn't give a glazed over response to the contestants. He said it's hilarious. Howard said he doesn't want to be the mean judge. He said he doesn't want to be some pussy ass kissing judge either. He said he's trying to be honest. He said honesty is the best policy. He said this season there wasn't a lot to be grumpy about. He said there were a couple of shitty ones. Howard said he didn't want to be some stereotypical horses ass.
The caller said it was great when Howard tried to guess what the motorcycle guys did and thought they were into porno. Howard said the guy was wearing a shirt that said Real Encounters and he thought it was some porn thing. It turned out they were in a ministry. Howard said they didn't look like ministers to him. Howard asked how that looked on TV. Robin said it was amazing. Robin said that they are barely hitting the bottom of the ramp when they land. Howard said during rehearsal the guy over shot the ramp by 10 feet. He broke bones doing that. Howard said the guy was fucked up. He said that stuff is really dangerous. Robin said you can tell how severe it is. Howard said they almost didn't make it on the show. He said they did get on though. Robin said she didn't understand why they had the guy on the bicycle. Howard said he didn't either.
Sterling said that Howard is baiting him now. He said all he wants to do is apologize. He said he heard Howard works with a black and he wanted to apologize to her. Robin said that she is ''a black'' but Sterling didn't think it was really her. He apologized to her in her language saying ''uga booga click, click.'' Howard said not all black people speak like that.
Sterling said that there is no black in a rainbow. He said it has every color in it but black. Howard said he has to ask about some theories that he has. Howard said if he just apologized properly he'd be fine. Sterling said that's what he has tried to do. Howard told him to do it now. sterling said he's so sorry to everyone that the gold digging whore he shoves his shriveled cock into tricked him into saying those things. He said he wishes her well... He wishes her down a well.
Howard said he's going to do him a favor by ending this interview. sterling said he wrote down some good things about black people. He crumpled the paper and said there's nothing on there. Howard said he has to end this. Sterling said he had to go because he was making things worse by baiting him. Howard said that he has said some terrible things. He said AIDS isn't doing its job.
Howard said newspapers are calling with quotes. Howard read some of the lines Sterling said and went over the script they had just read. They went to break a short time later.
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Howard came back and said Robin's Siri is much different than his. He took a call from Sour Shoes who said that he was Kenny Albert and did a Kenny Albert impression. He was telling Howard about how the Rangers are doing. Howard said now that they're doing well all of these guys are wearing their Rangers Jerseys.
Howard said the general feeling is that the Kings are way better as a team and it's going to be hard for the Rangers to win. Sour was still doing his impression and talking to Howard about the Rangers. Howard said he likes this character but he'd rather have him as Ferrall. Sour went into that impression and talked to him about the Rangers. Howard asked what the water sound effect is. Sour did his baby voice and Howard said he has to get out of that call. He said if you talk to him long enough you'll go insane.
Howard said he was laying in bed last night and he's still trying to get over this cold he had. Howard said he's almost over it. He said he was watching this Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel. He said it was an old one where they had a dude who was a woman who became an MMA fighter. Of course the dude is kicking the women's asses. Howard said he did everything by the book but the MMA people didn't tell the women. Howard said now women don't want to fight him. Howard said the guy has the power of a man. Howard said they had a doctor on saying that you lose most of your muscle mass but he still thinks the guy has an advantage. Howard said it felt like a guy beating up girls to him. Robin said she doesn't think you should do that. Robin said he didn't start out as a woman. Howard said he loves watching Transgender anything. He said that they showed a clip of Toula who used to do their show and she was hot. Howard said that's someone you'd want to bone. Howard said most of them look liked dudes in a dress. He said it can be a really bad transformation. Howard said there are a couple that can pull it off. He said this dude is one guy who can pull it off.
Howard said you had to see this report. He said he doesn't have anything against Transgender. He said he's tolerant for all of that stuff. Howard said that Chris Brown should get a sex change so that way he could beat up women and get away with it.
Howard said he has more clips from the Wizard Con. He said that he has to get to Katie Couric first. He said he had to take a break first.
Howard came back and said Katie Couric has done it all and then some. Howard said she might be one of the most famous people in the country. Howard asked if he's wrong about that. Katie said he's not right. Howard said she looks very Summery. Katie said it's very pretty out today. Howard said he hasn't been outside in 3 days.
Howard asked Katie about her life doing the Today show and if that was a living hell. Katie said that she made the best of it. She said she'd wake up later and later as the years went by. Katie said that they'd wonder if she was even coming in that day.
Howard asked Katie how she prepared for interviews. She said she'd get the notes the night before. She said she used to read everything she could about the subject she was covering. Howard asked if she panics when she doesn't know much about a subject. Katie said she didn't but she'd get embarrassed at times. She said you try to listen well and ask intelligent questions based on what has been said. She said she was in constant fear of looking stupid.
Howard said Katie was a single mom at times and he can imagine her being burnt out. Howard said it must have been crazy. Katie said she shared the burden with other people on the show. She said that it wasn't all on her. She said that it wasn't that kind of job. Katie said doing a talk show is more labor intensive. She said it's all on her. She said the Today show was just 5 or 7 minute interviews. Katie said you can't do that much in that amount of time.
Howard said he's kind of jealous of the Today show. He said the producers do a lot of the segments ahead of time. He said it's a producer's show.
Katie said one time she was at the White House and she was getting a tour from Barbara Bush. She said suddenly President Bush walked in and she was completely unprepared to meet him. She said that she had the President there and she had to come up with something to talk about. She said it was during the Iran Contra thing and he was running against Bill Clinton and all of that. She said they just kept going and the interview lasted about 19 minutes or so. She said his lip started quivering at one point and she thinks he was nervous talking to her.
Howard said Katie was kind of rough on him when he was on the Today show. Katie said every interview has to be from a different approach. She said she interviewed David Duke in a different way. Robin said maybe Howard feels he was treated like David Duke. Howard said it wasn't like that. He said that she didn't let him get away with anything though.
Katie said that she thinks that Tim Russert was very good and she did the David Duke interview like he would have done it. Katie said she got a lot of feedback about that interview and some people thought she brought up some very good points. Katie said that her dad told her it was almost Murrow-esque in the way she did it. She said that meant a lot to her.
Katie asked if Howard watched the documentary she sent to him. Howard said he didn't get to yet. He said he knows what it's about though. Howard said that she did it about food in this country. Howard said that the manufacturers of food have put more sugar in food since a lot of the fats have been taken out. Howard said that's why we're so obese. Howard said that we must be the most obese in the world. Katie said it's actually Mexico. Katie said that the problem is getting worse and worse and no one is getting to the root causes. Katie said that she asked a friend to do this documentary with her and she wanted to do a very in depth thing. Howard asked if she thought about how documentaries don't do well in the ratings. Katie said this is the first generation where the kids are not going to live as long as their parents. She said the statistics are staggering.
Howard said Katie doesn't have to work at this point in her career. Katie said she did this because she thought it was important. She said that she's helping to get the film attention. She said she worked on and off on this for 3 years. She said it's not about making money off the film. She said that she thinks it's worth doing no matter how much money it makes or doesn't make.
Katie said that they have taken fat out of our foods but they've replaced it with sugars. Howard said they took the fats out and people ended up getting fatter on ''fat free'' foods. Katie said they pump so much sugar into the foods. She said they even put it in spaghetti sauce. Howard said he gets a smoothie at GNC and they even put sugar in that. He said he doesn't want that in his. He said he has to ask them not to put it in there.
Katie said that they found that lab mice like sugar water more than cocaine. She said that you end up craving sugar. Katie said schools have deals with fast food restaurants now and that's what the kids are eating. Katie said that they have all of this prepared processed food and the kids will pick that over regular food. She said that they say that schools are like 7-Elevens with books.
Howard said this might be the most important issue facing this country. He said we're getting fatter and fatter. Robin said it's about being healthy too. Robin said that we're all going to be sicker over this. Katie said that the health care dollars are really out there. Katie said that many of the young people are too heavy to serve in the military. Robin said the repercussions are incredible.
Howard said it's our own personal responsibility to look at what we're eating and take pride in our appearance. Howard said he doesn't eat sugar in his diet. He said he takes personal responsibility. Katie said they're not saying that it's not part of that. She said that the system is so stacked against health. She said that kids are inundated with snack food commercials. She said when she was growing up she had 3 meals and maybe a snack. She said now people eat constantly. She said they're not cooking enough at home. Katie said you have to make the time and make it a priority. She said that sugar is addictive and you factor that into all of that. She said that soda companies say that it's fine to drink their stuff with a meal. She said that it takes an hour and 15 minutes to burn off a 20 ounce soda. Howard asked if she drinks soda at all. She said she doesn't.
Howard said that Mayor Bloomberg was trying to get that message through to people. Katie said he's one of the people they feature in this movie. Howard said he thought it was very effective.
Howard asked where they can see this movie. Katie said that her movie is in theaters. She said they made a million dollars and that's great for a documentary. She said Harvey Weinstein bought the film and it's being distributed by Radius which is his documentary arm. Howard said the movie is called ''Fed Up'' and it's in theaters now. Katie said they want people to be educated and to see this film. She said she hopes it'll be on Netflix eventually.
Katie told Howard what the guidelines say about how much sugar we should have a day. She said that the nutrition lists on foods are in grams and who knows how much a gram really is? She said that politicians aren't acting on this.
Howard asked Katie to run for senate or something. She said she thinks she can use the platform she's on now to raise awareness. Katie said that her sister was trying to get into politics when she got pancreatic cancer and passed away. Katie said she doesn't think she could handle it. She said people are so nasty out there. She said that it would be tough for her.
Howard asked if pancreatic cancer runs in her family. She said she lost a couple of people in her family to it but there is no check for it. She said her sister died not long after her husband Jay died. She said it was really rough. Howard said that he sees some people in office who are really in it and care. He said they get slammed if they open their mouths about anything. He said that it seems really tough. Katie said that it can be very tough and the political system is something she should do a documentary about. She said she thinks most people are moderate and sensible but they don't seem to exist in politics. Howard said that you think they're moderate but then you find out they're nuts. Howard said the tea party is so against government and they should be made to live somewhere that there is no government to fix their roads and control things like that.
Howard asked Katie about what she thinks about this soldier that was released. Katie said there is still stuff coming out about that story. She said she has to read more about it. She said that it's very unusual to do something like swap out prisoners. She said she's not sure what that's all about. Howard asked if she thinks he did it because of the crap he was getting over the VA. She said she doesn't think so. She said she has to read more about it before she can comment. Katie said she's not prepared to talk about that story.
Katie said she's getting married in 3 weeks and she hasn't gotten a dress yet. Howard said he likes the guy she's marrying. Howard said that he seems like a decent enough guy. Katie said he's a fine man and she's happy she's going to be married to him. Katie said that he loves Howard too. Howard asked if he had a bachelor party. She said he did. She said they played golf and went to a restaurant. Howard asked if he went to a strip club. She said she doesn't think they did. She said there were some girls hanging on him at a bar but she thinks he was just having fun there.
Howard said it would be great if her fiancee went to a strip club. Howard asked if that would be a deal breaker for her. Katie said no. Howard asked if she would go to a strip club with him. Katie said she might. She said that might be an interesting study to do. She said her man is a very dignified and well behaved guy. Howard said he's very happy for her.
Katie said it found her a long time to find someone after Jay died. She said her youngest daughter is going to college and she's going to have that empty nest thing going on. She said the time is right for this. Howard said that she could have had Larry King. He said that she went out with Jeff Probst too. Katie said that she got a note from Jeff after the birthday show. She said he was apologizing and it was a very sweet note. She said he's a very nice guy. Katie said he has met a lot of people over the years and met a lot of nice people.
Howard asked Katie how she knew this guy was the one. Katie said that he had all the qualities she looks for in someone. She said he's very dedicated to his family. She said he's very savvy business wise too. She said he's also very funny and makes her laugh all the time.
Howard asked if looks matter to her. Howard asked if she can overlook that. Howard said she did go out with Larry King so she must be able to. Howard said that Larry is very girthy though so that could be it.
Howard asked if she went out with Michael Jackson too. Katie said that she had a friend who knew Rabbi Shmuley Boteach and he invited her to meet Michael. She said that she got to meet Michael and he had that tape on his nose. Howard said he had a business meeting with him and the tape started to hang off his face during the meeting. Howard said you feel bad for the guy. He said he had to focus on that tape falling off his nose. He said it was like watching the invisible man falling apart.
Katie said she met Michael and then Rabbi Shmuley called and asked her if she was single. She asked why because he's a rabbi and he has kids. Katie said he was asking because Michael was interested. Katie said that he really wanted to go out with someone ''normal.'' Katie said she had a boyfriend at the time so she had him thank Michael for her. She said she thought about how interesting it would be to have dinner with him and talk to him. She said she didn't want to mislead him though. She said she didn't want to start that kind of circus either. Katie said it was very sweet and flattering.
Howard asked who she would be with if she had to pick between Michael Jackson or Larry King. Katie asked him not to make her pick. Howard said she has to sleep with one and the world will be rid of sugar. Katie said it would have to be a threesome. Then she said she can't choose.
Howard asked Katie why she thinks the world wants her to be teamed up with Matt Lauer in the worst way. Howard said he knows she's working for Yahoo but it seems like they're like Brad and Angelina. Katie said they could be called Katt or Matie. Katie said she and Matt have a very special relationship. She said it's like Howard and Robin. Howard said Savanna is going off to have a baby. He said they want her to come back and work with Matt. Katie said that Savanna is doing very well on the show. She said she's doing a great job. Katie said if it came to her helping out at some point down the road she'd be happy to help out. Katie said she is super busy and excited about her new job at Yahoo.
Howard asked if the story in the paper was true about Yahoo not being happy with the interviews she's getting. Katie said they haven't complained to her at all. She said they're very supportive of what she's doing. Katie said she was also doing her talk show but that's wrapping up and she'll be able to focus on the Yahoo thing.
Katie said that she has spoken to people who have started apps and things like that. She said that she's going to be interviewing John Kerry in a few weeks. She said there is a lot going on and she's getting great interviews. Katie said she loves this Yahoo gig. Howard asked if they would prevent her from going on the Today show. Katie said she thinks that she will be able to show up on TV. Howard asked if she could do the Today show. She said that's up to Yahoo but she wants to make sure everyone is comfortable. She said she would like some of her stuff to show up on TV.
Howard asked if she would do the Today show for a couple of months. He said he thinks she's doing just fine on Yahoo but if she went on the Today show she'd feel she has to raise it up to number 1. Katie said they're doing a great job there. Howard said he gets the diplomacy. He asked if Matt asked her to come in and do it. She said he did not. She said she's focused on the Yahoo thing. Howard said he thinks that she's saying she might go over and help out but she's winking to him saying she will. Katie said she's not saying that at all.
Howard said he read in the paper that she and Matt don't get along anymore. Katie said they write all kinds of inaccurate stories in the paper. Howard said he read that she toilet papered Matt's house the other day. Katie said she had some time on her hands.
Howard said Kim Kardashian blasted Katie when she sent her a baby gift. Howard said that her producer actually did that. Katie said she was doing an interview about some other subject and a reporter asked her something about how she felt about the Kardashians. She doesn't watch them and she's not sure why they're famous. She said she thinks the show appeals to young women. She said that's all she said and it must have come off kind of harsh to Kim in print. She said that might be why Kim was upset with her.
Katie said she asked her producers to reach out and let her know when they send a gift to someone like that. She said she's not sure if she would have sent that out. She said that she may have but she would have liked to have known about it.
Howard asked if she's shocked that people like that are famous. Katie said that they are great marketers. She said they manage to stay in the news. Howard said he would say that Kim has zero talent. Katie said that she's breathtakingly beautiful. Howard said her Tuchas is fascinating because he's never seen one that big. He said so what though. Katie said they are on reality shows and she's not sure what draws people to that. Howard isn't sure either.
Howard said he had Joan Rivers on the show and Joan was upset with the interview she did with Katie. Howard said she felt that Katie hit hard on her. Katie said that was very interesting to her. She said she wanted to do an interview with Joan to understand what makes them tick. She said you don't what to psycho analyze them but you want to get more than an inch deep. Katie said she loved the documentary Joan did and it was so good. Howard asked what the name of it was. Gary said he doesn't remember either. She told them to Google that. Katie said it was so interesting to her and so revealing about what drove her. Robin said it was called ''A Piece of Work.'' Katie said that she wanted to talk to Joan in depth and she wanted to talk about her plastic surgery and all of that. She said that she thinks she's a fascinating person. Katie said that maybe she wasn't aware that she wanted to have that conversation. She said Joan may have saw it as a way to just tell jokes. She said Joan really prepares for these things and she knows the jokes she wants to tell. She said it's very orchestrated. Katie said she's sorry that she had a bad time. She said she really admires Joan and she didn't want her to have a bad experience. Katie said that her people told her she was fine after it.
Howard asked Katie if she's going to get crap from Yahoo for saying ''Google that'' earlier when they wanted to know the name of Joan's movie. Katie said that she should have said ''yahoo that.''
Gary said that Katie has to go. She has other places to be. Katie told Howard what she has to do and how she has to promote the show she's on that got canceled. She said the show is running until July. She said they're all working until the last minute. Katie said she has a fantastic group of people working for her. She said she still cares about what she's doing.
Howard asked if she has to go to work every day at Yahoo. Katie said she does. She said that she loved doing the talk show for two years too. She said that they have 800 million people visiting Yahoo every month so that's a great audience to get too. Katie said she would love to do an interview with Howard. Howard said maybe Hillary Clinton. Katie asked if they think she would do it. Howard said he doesn't know. Robin said he does have a reputation. Howard said they have to get Michelle Obama and they'll all lay in bed talking. Katie said that's not exactly what she was thinking.
Howard asked Katie about this Sarah Palin who gets under his skin like no one else. Howard said that when her show was canceled Palin gave her a dig like she did something horrible to her. Howard said Katie asked what periodicals she reads and she had no answer. Howard asked if she's shocked she took the time to blast her. Katie said she's probably upset more at herself than she is at her. She said that it still sticks in her craw a little bit ''but whateva...''
Howard gave Katie some plugs for her movie. He asked if she ever curses. She said she does. Howard told her to say ''fuck sugar'' but she refused. She said she wanted to leave with some dignity. Howard gave her more plugs and then wrapped up and went to break.
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Howard said David has a new baby and a child with Courteney Cox. Howard said he's taking the time to talk about this POW. Howard said he has no idea why they did this deal. David said he thinks that the VA hospital scandal is breaking and they did this for a veteran. Robin said it's backfiring if that's what it is. David said he's not sure if this guy is a hero either. Howard said if a guy walks off and starts mumbling about the Taliban saying America is no good then the guys who go out looking for him lose their lives he's not sure. David said he doesn't know about all of that. David said he thinks that VA Hospital thing is an interesting thing.
David said he wants to make an important announcement. Howard had Fred play some tympany. David said he is going to release his baby picture to Howard 100 News. He said that it's never been photographed before. He said they're going to release it on HowardStern.com. David said if there is any money to be made from it he wants the money to go to North Shore Animal League. Howard said he's not about making money from that. He said he's not sure he even could. David said they can do it by retaining the rights to the photo. Howard asked how much he could make. David said maybe 5 grand. He said the money will go to North Shore if they do that. David said the baby will be wearing the ''I Love Howard Stern'' t-shirt too.
David said that this isn't about a war on sugar or a war on violence. He said this is all about love. Howard let him go a short time later.
Howard played an example of one of the Wolfie songs. He had one to the tune of the Fox theme song with just a ''Wolfie'' at the end. Howard said that was one. Howard said he's not sure where they draw a line at jingles. He asked if Evan the Engineer is next. Howard played one speed metal song where the lyrics were just Wolfie over and over. Howard said he's not sure why he wants a jingle. Howard said he's hassling everyone for one. Howard said his job is so dumb that it comes down to him. He said he just tells them to tell Wolfie to go fuck himself.
Howard played the Daniel Mendelson song parody about Wolfie and Howard said he thinks that Wolfie wrote it. Howard said that's even worse. He said most jingles are about goofing on someone. He said there is nothing like that in this song. It's all praising Wolfie. Howard said if he bought into this it would ruin the whole Daniel Mendelson Baba Booey song parodies. Howard said it's just not happening. He said there is nothing funny about that song.
Howard played another one where they sing ''Wolfe's Dumb Jingle.'' Howard said most people don't even know who he is. Howard said just imagine the thoughts inside his head. Howard went inside his head and thought about what the jingles would do for him.
Howard picked up on Wolfie and asked what the fuck is wrong with him. Wolfie said he hasn't done anything for 2 years. He said he didn't hound Daniel Mendelson for a jingle either. Howard said he submitted the song parodies. Wolfie said he didn't write them. Howard replayed a couple of the examples. Howard said they're just not funny. Wolfie said he didn't write them. Howard said Wolfie isn't getting any jingles. He said those are for crazy situations. Wolfie said he didn't request them. Howard said he draws the line at a Wolfie jingle. Howard said it's enough with the jingles.
Howard asked Wolfie what this Wizard Con is. Wolfie said that Wizard World is like comic-con but they can't use that name. He said that they cover comic books and the conventions go to every major city in the U.S. Howard asked what day this was he went to that one. Wolfie said it was on the weekend but they run from Wednesday to Sunday. Howard said people have disturbing lives. Howard said that guy Beta Ray Bill spent a month building his costume.
Howard replayed the interview with the guy dressed as Beta Ray Bill that he played yesterday. Howard said he has been reading Thor since he was a little kid and he never heard of Beta Ray Bill. Wolfie said he's been around since the 70s. He said he's surprised Howard doesn't know him.
Howard said he got a picture of Beta Ray Bill. He said that is heartbreaking. He said he's fatter than JD. Howard said it's all dudes in bad jeans and t-shirts there. Howard said Wolfie is the only guy in shape there.
Howard played a clip of Wolfie interviewing a guy dressed up as Deadpool. Wolfie said that guy may have been drunk. He said that all of them have bad breath that they push on you. Howard said they must not care about personal hygiene. Howard said this is pathetic. Howard played more of the audio and the guy was talking about his character and what he loves about Comic-Con. The guy was really annoying making weird sound effects while he was talking to Wolfie.
Howard asked if the character talks like that. Wolfie didn't know. Howard said he must be doing that at home too. He said you know he lives in the basement with his parents and he's way too old for that. Howard said you know his parents ask him not to do the voice at home. Wolfie said he gets the sense that the parents will put up with anything.
Howard played another interview Wolfie did with a guy in a mask. He was a Mandalorian warrior. Howard had to replay the clip to hear it from the start. He was kind of hard to understand since he was mumbling through the mask. Howard said he can understand doing this if you were horribly deformed and you wanted to cover your face and feel normal doing that. Howard said he'd love to make a movie like that where the guy is only comfortable there. Wolfie found out that guy just made up his character. Howard asked if you can do that. Wolfie said apparently they can. Howard said this shit makes him really angry.
Howard said that guy is going around doing a voice of a character that no one even knows. Wolfie said that you can be thousands of people in the movies but this guy created his own. Howard asked how he doesn't throw up talking to these people. Wolfie said that he just tries to be nice to them. He said they have body odor and bad breath. He said he knows it's a stereotype but it's true. Robin said she heard there is a comic-con smell when they all get together. Howard added that the Pope wants people to have more kids too. This is what happens when you do that.
Howard asked what's up with the bad breath and these guys. Wolfie said you can see the plaque on their teeth. He said he has to get really close so he gets to see them.
Howard asked if JD would be the hottest guy at the convention. Wolfie said easily. Howard asked if Hanzi would be less of a loser than these guys. Wolfie said that it might be a toss up. He said if you live in your parent's basement it would be a toss up.
Howard played another interview Wolfie did with a guy in his 30s about his costume. Howard asked if there are a lot of Stormtroopers there. Wolfie said there are a lot of Star Wars characters there. Howard said Stan Lee must hate this. He said he created all of these characters for Marvel and he hardly sees a dime from it. He said he doesn't own any of the Marvel characters. Robin said they throw him a bone by putting him in the movies but they probably don't pay him much.
Howard said he knows Stan Lee. He said they were going to make a movie together. He said it was a character he came up with for him. Howard said he's not sure if he should talk about the character or not. Howard said the guy made Spider-Man and now he has to go to some convention and smell someone's bad breath. Howard said that they wear masks so you don't have to smell them. Howard said it smells like they ate a shit sandwich outside when they talk to poor Stan Lee.
Wolfie said they don't get more than 3 seconds with him and they get pissed about it. Howard said 3 seconds is enough. Howard said they figured Stan can hold his breath for 3 seconds. 4 seconds and he passes out. Howard said just imagine the questions they have for Stan Lee. Howard laughed as he was thinking about it.
Wolfie said that he created all of these great characters and he's subjected to this every week. Howard said he has to go to the convention and listen to what they ask the guy. Wolfie said they won't let him near Stan Lee. They think that he's going to ask a goofy question.
Wolfie said he asked some of these guys what they were going to ask and they were horrible questions. Howard said he put Eric the Actor on with Jonah Hill yesterday and he had a really dumb question about Adam Levine. Howard said that Eric is probably emailing Jonah now. He said that Eric got Diana DeGarmo's mother's phone number and started calling it. She had to change her phone number because it was so creepy.
Howard said he wants to know what these guys are asking Stan Lee. Wolfie said next time he'll wait until after they ask their question and find out what they asked.
Howard and Fred were doing their Eric the Actor impressions and coming up with really lame questions. Howard said the questions they ask at these conventions are meaningless.
Howard played another clip of Wolfie interviewing a guy about paying 60 bucks to talk to Stan Lee for 3 seconds. Howard said that guy sounded black. He asked if that's true that black guys go to these conventions. Wolfie said sure they do. Robin said of course they do. Howard said he thought it was a white guy thing. He said he thought black guys were cooler than that. Robin said that this is a nerd guy thing. She said it's the cool guys who don't go.
Howard thanked Wolfie and told him no jingle for him. Wolfie said he's fine with that. Howard said he's a good guy but no jingle.
Robin started her news with a story about a Florida man who called the cops after his wife threw out his beer. He's facing multiple charges now. Robin said that he called 911 7 times over 4 hours. He was arrested for cursing a false alarm.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that guys are annoyed when they can't fuck a girl when she's on her period. She said there's something out there now that will stop the period. She said that it's a product she developed called PlayFreeToday.com. Howard asked if she really created it. She said that it actually blocks the period for a few hours. She said it's safer than products that stop it for months. Howard said if this is the vagina tourniquet then he's going to sue. Howard said he came up with that. Howard asked if this has FDA approval. She said that it doesn't have to. She said she has been using it for years and it's not harmful at all. Howard asked how you use it. She said it's flavored and it's a liquid. She said that you drink it and it stops your period. Howard said that's crazy. She told them to just try it. Howard said that she's a scientist. The woman said it's all natural. Howard said stopping your period isn't natural. Howard said when your baby is born it comes out like Wendy the Retard. The caller said it just pauses your period. She told them to just try it. Howard let her go a short time later.
Howard said you should just let your period come and go. He said that it's not that important to stop it. Howard said any man will fuck a woman on her period. Howard said guys don't care. He said we'll fuck you if you haven't showered for a year. Howard said you can wait a couple of days bathing and he'll fuck you. Howard said if your man won't fuck you on your period then he's not attracted to you. Howard said Beth has told him she's on her period and that doesn't stop him. He said he waited a long time before he got any vagina. He said now it's there in bed with him. Howard said he'd have sex with a stabbing victim. Howard said he'll just wash it off. Howard said she could lose her bowels in bed with him and he'd finish. Gary fucked a girl who threw up in bed and didn't stop. Gary said they moved to a barf free bed and didn't stop. Howard said he loves that story. He said that's the way you do it.
Robin told Howard a story about a single engine plane that almost hit a man on a beach. Robin said this is a small island airport and the plane came in much too low. Robin said it missed the guy by inches. Robin said the pilot claims he didn't see the man laying on the beach.
Robin read a story about Maureen Dowd writing about her experience with Colorado pot. Robin said that she claims she barely made it from her desk to her bed where she laid in a hallucinatory haze for 8 hours. Robin said that she was later told that she should have split what she had into 16 portions. Howard did a live commercial read and then went to break after that.
After the break, around 9:30am, Robin read a story about a man who brought a couple of women back to his apartment and the women knocked him out with something in his drink. The women ripped him off and stole a bunch of stuff from his home. Howard said that poor fucking guy. Robin said they say this is a common occurrence in the city. Howard said he'd like to lecture the men in his audience. He said if two attractive women want you then there is something wrong. He said that's unless you're super attractive or rich. Howard said no women want to sleep with a man that much. He said they're going to rob you. Howard said if you wear a mask to comic-con then you're not going to have two hot women who want to sleep with you.
Robin read a story about a teacher who was arrested for having sex with her 16 year old student. Robin said this woman was very attractive. Robin said she got jealous when the kid took a girl to prom. Robin said they say the relationship started when the kid went to the teacher asking for help getting in shape. Robin said the relationship got physical in June 2013. Robin said she performed oral and then had intercourse. Howard said that would have been so great if he had that. Howard said if that happened to him he'd keep his mouth shut. Robin said the teacher took the student to a closet in the gym and exposed her breasts to him. Howard said he would have kept that quiet. Howard said he would have loved for something like that at that age.
Howard checked out a picture of the teacher and said ''Wow!'' when he saw her. Howard said she's a wife and mother. Howard said they grow them right out there on Long Island. Howard read some of the article too. Howard said someone was quoted as saying that she violated the teacher/student trust. Howard got a laugh out of that. Howard said the teacher asked the student if he was a virgin in an email. The kid was honest and said he was. Howard said if that was his teacher he'd make sure he didn't have any friends he could tell. Howard said this is like a porn to him. He said he'd like to know how they had intercourse in the closet. Howard said they say they had sex more than 20 times in the school. Howard said he'd be so happy over that. Howard said his mother dressed him in high school. He said she wouldn't allow him to wear sneakers. He said to this day she goes berserk over sneakers. He did an impression of her going off on sneakers and talking about how disgusting they look. Howard had his mom talking about the time they saw people waiting in line for sneakers and how funny she thought that was. Howard said all he wanted to do was fit in and his mom wanted him to look different. He said he looked like a giraffe and she wanted him to stand out even more. Howard said that she wanted him to represent her in public. He said that's the worst thing you can tell a kid. He said he wants to be himself.
Ralph called in and asked what he wore. Howard said he wore Levi stretchy pants. He said they weren't denim. He said they were like Polyester. He said they were horrible. Howard said he would have taken dungarees if he could have. Howard said he had no friends and realized that everyone hated him. Ralph said it's amazing that he didn't get beat up daily. Howard said no one even noticed him. He said he'd go downstairs between classes and go out to this area to smoke a joint. He said he'd go back up and go to sleep in class. He said he was doing ludes and all of that. Ralph said he thought all of that was in college. Howard said it was in high school. Howard said he had a friend come over and he saw what he was doing. He said they took ludes together. He said they'd kick in right after lunch. Howard said his mom would be telling them about her egg salad and why it tasted so good. She made it in a wooden bowl so that's why it was so good. Howard said she said it picked up the flavor of the wood. Howard said the ludes would kick in and they'd go lay out on the chaise lounge chairs on the porch. He said they would go out there and sleep for a few hours. Robin and Ralph were cracking up at Howard's stories.
Howard said if a teacher had given him pussy it would have changed his whole life. Howard said it would have given him self esteem. Howard said he got through high school on drugs. He said he wouldn't recommend it for kids these days. Howard said they're not good for you. He said you can't even get ludes anymore. Howard said he's not sure how anyone takes drugs. He said life is so full of other exciting things.
Ralph told Howard that the kid didn't rat out the teacher. He told his prom date who told her parents about it. Howard said he should have kept his mouth shut. Howard said if you're fucking a teacher in school that's like being a rock star. Howard said that girls think you're happening if you're doing that. Ralph said the date was the problem and she's a loud mouth. Howard said he'd fuck the teacher and even the two female cops taking her away in the picture. Howard said they're all hot. Howard let Ralph go after that.
Robin read a story about two 12 year old girls got enthralled by a web site character and they wanted to prove that the guy they were into was real so they stabbed one of their friends to death and took her into the woods. Robin said that one held her down and one stabbed her 90 times. Howard said they wanted to impress Slender man who is some character online. Robin said that's what they were doing. Robin said they say the girl who was stabbed tried crawling and the other girls walked to the Walmart like nothing happened. Robin said the girl made it to a path and someone found her. She's doing okay but she's in the hospital. Robin said the 12 year olds are showing no remorse. Howard asked how you find a kid to get into something like that with you. Robin said the internet brings them together. Howard said he can't imagine how the parents feel after something like that.
Robin read a story about how 30 percent of the world is obese. She said it's not just our country. Robin said the whole world is being affected by us.
Robin read a story about the noro virus that attacks people on cruise ships. Robin said you're much more likely to encounter it in a restaurant than in a cruise ship. Robin said that 1 out of 5 employees has the symptoms of the virus. Robin said that most of them are caused by food handlers at the restaurant.
Howard said that Ronnie's girlfriend was in the hospital for like 5 days with something. Howard said she went to a restaurant but they can't prove that's where it came from. Howard said she came down with the worst symptoms. Howard had Ronnie come in and tell the story. Ronnie wasn't in the compound. Howard asked where he is. Gary said he's right outside. He came in a short time later and said he just went downstairs and he's not sure why.
Howard said that Ronnie brought Stephanie in and they put Ronnie in for a mental evaluation thinking he was out of his mind saying that was his girlfriend. Howard said she was sick for a few days and had to be hospitalized. Robin said they say that the noro virus can even live in the freezer for 2 weeks. Howard said that this stuff is really bad. Robin said people die from it.
Howard said everything is filthy dirty. He said there are just too many people. He said it's over population. Howard said that is the most important subject in this country. Howard said that he hears people carrying on about having kids. Robin said people used to say they were just going to have 2 and now they have as many as they want.
Robin read about Donald Sterling talking about moving on after his team was sold. Howard said they had him on this morning. Robin said they sold the team for $2 billion. Howard said he should replay that interview. He told the listeners to just listen to the replay.
Robin read about the fallout from the prisoner exchange for Bowe Bergdahl and how congress wasn't given proper notice about it. Howard said that's a really big story. Robin had some audio of someone commenting on that.
Robin read a story about how they say that repetitive hits to the head can cause brain damage. Robin had some audio of someone talking about that. Robin said that some football players are filing a lawsuit against the NFL over head injuries.
Howard took a call from Bobo who said this story about the teacher is great. He said he'd have a smile on his face like Howdy Doody if he had that. Bobo also mentioned that he had a clip on News 12 about the seat belt law he's pushing for. Howard said he did not. Howard thanked him for the call. Howard said he thinks he had a dream about Bobo the other night. It had something to do with him saying ''Bobo's not so stupid!''
Robin read a story about the billionaire Lewis Katz who died in the plane crash up in Massachusetts. Howard was still wondering about what Bobo just said about the Howdy Doody thing. Howard said he had a smile but that's a really old reference. Howard wondered if he wrote that down. He wondered if he had other examples of big smiles written down. Howard said he's not sure how he came up with Howdy Doody. Robin said he was probably trying to analyze what Howard would find funny. Howard said he may have to get Bobo on the phone. Howard told Gary to get him on.
Robin went through more of the story about Lewis Katz and who showed up at his funeral. Howard was still doing his Bobo impression trying to come up with someone with a big smile.
Howard had Bobo back on the phone so he asked him if that was scripted. Bobo said he did write it down. Robin said that means it was scripted. Howard asked why he chose Howdy Doody. Bobo said he had a big smile so he was making reference to a young kid. He said he knows it's an old reference. Howard asked if he thought about another example. Bobo said that's what he came up with and he stuck with it. Bobo said he had a hot teacher as a kid and he thought about how great it would be to have sex with her. Bobo said he has to write stuff down or he can't make these references. Howard said that was a comment but not a question. Bobo said it was. Bobo said that he didn't cover that 15 year old girl who sang the Billy Joel song on AGT. Howard said she had a great voice. Howard thanked Bobo for the call. Bobo said '''Bobo out.'' Howard said he regrets following up on that. He said he didn't get what he wanted.
Robin read a story about a study being done on Alzheimers and how there is a gene that can slow the onset of it.
Robin read about Jonah Hill being on his apology tour. Robin said that he has been apologizing for using a homophobic slur. Howard said he handled it very well. Howard said he was on The view and they replayed his apology from the show. Howard said he should just move on now. Robin said he was on The Tonight Show last night and he wants people to learn from his mistake. Howard said he should drop it already and just move on. Robin had some audio of Jonah on The Tonight Show talking about that.
Robin read about how they're remastering Led Zeppelin albums and she had some audio of Jimmy Page talking about that. Howard said he wants Jimmy to get in there and talk about it there. After hearing a clip of Jimmy talking about the remastering and said ''Ah forget it, don't come in...''
Robin read a story about Randy California suing Led Zeppelin over a riff he thinks they stole for Stairway to Heaven. Robin had Howard play Stairway to Heaven and the Randy California song ''Taurus.'' Howard said he already ruled on this. He said it's close but not the same. Howard said that it's such a small part of the song. He said this one he doesn't buy into even though they have been accused of ripping off other people.
Robin read about the front man for GWAR dying and how they have ruled that he died of a heroin overdose. Robin had Howard play some of their music. Howard said they looked like they were going to Comic-con. He said he bets Richard is into that music. Howard said he doesn't get it. Robin said the heroin is what did him in.
Robin said that Limp Bizkit is out touring and they have a new single coming out. Robin said they are going to release it exclusively on cassette. Howard asked who thinks that people care about that. Howard said that they figured out that less than one percent of the country cares about vinyl. Robin said they say that the song will only be available at the live shows on cassette.
Robin read about how the Rangers are playing the LA Kings in the NHL finals. Robin said she won't watch any of it but Alyssa Milano is obsessed. Robin said she's promoting her new series and she's talking about hockey. Robin had some audio of her talking about it on Jimmy Kimmel's show. Robin said that she says she has a shrine for the LA Kings in her basement.
Robin had a new song from Jewel called Sing On. Howard said he loves Jewel. Howard said the birthday show is coming out soon and they're announcing that on Monday. He said it's the whole birthday show from start to finish. He said Jewel is there and just wait until you see her. Howard said she's terrific.
Robin read about how someone took the time to figure out the best cruising songs. Robin told Howard the number 1 song was Queen's ''Don't Stop Me Now.'' Howard questioned that. Howard said that has to be for gay cruising. Howard said they have to be shitting him. He said no one even knows that song. Robin said the next song was Bohemian Rhapsody. Howard said he can see that. Howard said it's like ''please finish on my face'' with that other song. Robin had Howard play a few other songs on the list. Howard told her to get out of there with that list after ''Dancing Queen'' came up.
Robin wrapped up the news and Howard ended the show around 10:30am.
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Gary said they had a Wolfie Jingles page and Howard didn't want to do it. He said the way it was put in the note he got was that Wolfie asked Daniel Mendelson to do the song. He said if Wolfie is around he should call in. He said he didn't hear it but he heard he claims that he didn't ask for it. Gary said he has a note from him from 2 years ago where he asked for one.
Jon said he will never get one if he asks for one. Gary said the people that get them are the ones who don't ask for them. Gary said the best ones are the ones that no one wants. Jon said he thinks this will haunt Wolfie for years.
Jon said there are people who work there who enjoy going to cons. Gary asked if anyone is into cosplay. Jon said he's not sure about that. He said that a lot of the guys like the San Diego Comic Con. Gary said he's going there this year. Gary said he's going to take pictures of ever Khaleesi who is over 200 ponds. He said there are a ton of them.
Jon asked Benjy about his weight loss malaise. Benjy said he knows the number of days left and how much he has to lose each day to not get fingered. Benjy said he has to get it going now. He said he's just tired. He said he gets tired and it's so easy to just eat today and start tomorrow.
Gary asked Benjy if there was money involved in this would he be on the right road. Benjy said that those contests can be more motivating. He's just competing against himself right now.
Gary said what he did was get into people's heads when he was in a weight loss challenge. He said that he made sure his first week was the big loss. He said he thinks he lost 11 in the first week. He said he thinks he got into their heads doing that. Benjy said he thinks he's in his own head today. He said he was going to fuck with people and pig out on a big sandwich today. He said he thought about it and he figured maybe he should just not eat more and go out and have some fun.
Gary said he saw Benjy walk in around 8:30 carrying a couple of Red Bulls. Benjy said he doesn't like those kind of things but sometimes he needs to kick in more energy.
Jon asked if Katie Couric inspired him at all. Benjy said no. He said he's familiar with what she's doing. He said he knows she's passionate about what she's doing but he doesn't think that the food companies should take the blame and be so regulated.
Jon said Howard has transformed the way he's eaten over the years. He said that Howard and Robin have come around to the other side of things. Gary said that he thinks Howard agrees with Katie. He said that Howard can be a bit of a chameleon. He said he tends to agree with the guests but he thinks he really is on Katie's side in that whole thing. They went to break a short time later.
Gary said sometimes they try to get an old team back together and it doesn't work. He said that maybe she doesn't want to work that hard again. Jon said they'll have to see what happens there.
Jon and Gary talked about what they think about the school cafeterias that have fast food available for kids. Jon said he gets that the schools need the money but it's a tricky thing. He said Howard talked about how much of it is personal responsibility. Jon said that you have to take that responsibility when you put food in your mouth. He said you can't punish the companies that are putting it out. He said it's a tough thing for him to negotiate.
Benjy said he has no problem with the issue of nutrition. He said he doesn't want the government saying that you can't pout something in your body that you want.
Jon took a call from a guy who said when Katie suggested they do an interview together do they think that there was any jealousy on Robin's part. Gary said he thinks there may be a little bit but Robin may think she's the food expert so it may be more about that.
Jon said Howard was talking about the Today show schedule and how they don't have to work as hard as he does. Jon asked if Gary thinks Howard would prefer to work that way. Gary said he thinks that Howard would like to do something like that. He said that it's difficult to show your personality when you have a show like that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he thinks Sour Shoes is incredible. He asked if they could do more with him. Gary said that they get that a lot. He said he is one of the most loved wack packers. He said they love him in the office but he's hard to corral. He said that he doesn't always do what they want him to do. Jon said he is an amazing talent. He said he calls in and fools them all the time with new voices.
Steve said he really is great but he's hard to corral. He said he made the calls last week where he called in as two different people.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Gary did a good job with Donald Sterling and Kenny Albert this morning. It was Sour Shoes on the line again. He was asking Gary if Howard is watching the Rangers now. They spent a little time talking about the game and Sour stayed in character for most of the time. Jon asked Sour if he likes being directed in doing things. Sour said he likes direction. Benjy said they've done things with him and he can follow what they ask him to do. He said if they give him a script he follows it. Jon said he'll follow direction for a period of time but then he'll change.
Gary said his dream is to bring Sour in and do a show where he just plays songs and they have to guess what they are. He said he is amazing with his stats about the songs and other things.
Benjy said Artie had an amazing memory. He wonders if Sour has that whole thing too. Sour talked about how his brothers had all of the albums and that's how he got to know the stuff. Gary said he thinks that he's doing his rap from his book so he's very confused. Sour said he actually does have two older brothers.
Benjy asked if he has a memory like Marilou Henner does. Sour did his Gary impression and told them what the forecast was and what was number one on the charts. Jon said he had to let him go a short time later. They went to break after that.
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Sal said he went out to eat and the lighting in the diner bathroom was bad too. He said this morning he noticed it and he tried blending it in with tanning cream. He said he's just trying to blend it in.
Ronnie asked what kind of glasses he's wearing. Ronnie said he's always playing with his face and hair. He said there has to be more to the story. Sal said there really isn't. He said he's just trying to color in his eyes. Ronnie asked what kind of glasses they are. Sal said they're like golfer glasses. He said they're like those Blue Blocker glasses. Ronnie said he just said they're old man glasses.
Jon said you can see the sides of his eyes there. Gary said a tan goes away in a week. He said Sal just cares so much. Sal said he's right. Sal said he just wants to look good. Gary said this is a temporary thing. Sal said if he's going to look like a Dalmation he's going to fill in the spots.
Gary said they wouldn't be staring at him if he didn't make it worse. Sal said Howard brought it up and he didn't make it worse. Ronnie said he would have been better off leaving the glasses on. Jon said the orange shirt doesn't help. Sal said the receptionist said he looks good in orange. He said he likes her so he'll go with her opinion.
Gary asked Sal about the fake white teeth and things like that. Sal said he thinks that he'd rather have those than the yellow teeth that Gary has. He said he's trying to look good. Jon said that there is a look that looks very fake though. Sal said he isn't like that. He said he's not all fake and plastic. Ronnie said he is though. He said his hair looks like a rug because it's got so much stuff in it.
Benjy asked Sal if he thinks he's attractive. Sal said no. He said he doesn't stress over his face. He said he likes it when it's done right.
Ronnie said Sal put a helmet on his head to grow hair. Jon asked about the tanning creams he uses. Sal said he has a few. He said he had a spray and it ended up turning green on him. He said he came out looking like the incredible Hulk one day over the weekend. Ronnie said he thinks that's what he did that fucked up his face. Sal said he used a cream with a shimmer in it and he looked like a disco ball. Sal said he came to work and someone noticed it. He said he had sparkly shit all over his face. He said you have to be careful what you use.
Ronnie asked if he wears his wife's panties too. Sal said he just uses her tanning cream. He said that he's not like Eddie Izzard wearing make up and rouge. He said he just wants to touch up his face in little areas. Ronnie asked who he's doing it for. Sal said it's for him.
Ronnie said that Benjy wears make up too. Benjy asked what's wrong with that. Ronnie said it's weird. Benjy asked why. Ronnie said he's not on TV. He said they see the same people every day. Benjy asked why they do anything to look nicer. Benjy said that Sal is doing it for himself just like Ronnie trims his beard.
Jon said it was time to wrap this up. He had Shuli give his Howard 100 News rundown. Shuli ran down few story headlines that they had coming up. They ended the show around 11:20am.
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Jon asked Sal if he feels guilty at all. Sal said not one bit. He said that this guy is turning it into being a celebrity on the show. Gary said not everyone wants to be famous. Sal said he almost wishes he had that affliction. He said in some odd, crazy way it's so magical and wonderful. He said it's just so fucking funny. Gary said that's his misery though. Sal said he knows. Gary asked why he thinks being famous makes everyone happy. Sal said if you compare fame to picking shit out of your dreadlocks and being famous you'd want fame. He said that you ask people if they'd like to be famous you'd think they would. Sal said he works for the greatest show in the world but he gets depressed too. Gary said not all fame is good. Sal said this guy is great though. He said it's like he's farting through his mouth. Sal said the guy is making people smile.
Jon said he doesn't have to apologize for that. He said that this show has brought Eric the Actor some fame too. He asked if that's the kind of comparison he's trying to make. Sal said that the positive is what the person gets back for himself. He said that guy is making people laugh. Gary said he doesn't know if the guy thinks he's making people happy. Sal said if he thought that way his life might be a little better. Sal said you can't change it so you have to look at it in a positive manner. He said the guy is making people happy.
Jon asked if he really wants that affliction. Sal said not really but he is making people laugh with it. He said he's making people's days brighter.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he has to agree with Sal. He said he is making people laugh. Gary said he's not sure why the guy should feel good about it. The caller said that sound is hilarious. Gary said a stutterer can shut up for a day but this guy can't help but make that sound. He said it sounds very uncomfortable to him. Gary said he thinks he came on the show to find someone to help him. He said he doesn't think he's doing it for the fame.
Jon took another call from a guy who said Sal sounds like he's trying to be stupid and get a reaction. He said he sounds like he's trying to be dumb. Gary asked Sal if that's what he's doing. Sal said yeah. He said sometimes people are stupid on the phone. He said the caller is an idiot. He said he has to back up what he's explaining. Sal said he has thoughts and opinions behind his thoughts. He said he hopes the guy drops dead in a fire. Jon said they have to explain why Sal is stupid when they call in.
Jon asked JD about Sal's reaction toward him. JD said that Sal won't make fun of deaf people. Sal said he can't deal with deaf people. He said he feels like audio is the greatest gift in the world. He said they're all in radio and it might affect him more than others. He said that deaf people can't turn on a radio and listen to music. He said the gift of hearing is so beautiful. He said it breaks his heart that they're denied that. Gary asked if he would take blind over deaf. Sal said he would. He said he doesn't make fun of either. He said he does make fun of handicapped people though. Sal said he's not picking on anyone. He said if you're doing it in the right way where it's comical then it's fine.
Jon asked if he saw something that made him change with the deaf thing. Sal said he saw a show where a group of deaf people wet to a Motley Crue concert and put their hands on the speakers. He said they feel the vibrations. He said they get off on the vibrations of the band. He said that's how powerful music can be. Jon asked why he thinks that got to him. Sal said they take hearing for granted. He said it's like that with a lot of things. Jon said a lot of people don't get to see this side of Sal. Gary said he has a heart. JD said Sal can't watch tapes of someone hearing deaf people hearing for the first time. Sal said he saw a deaf porn and that just killed him. Jon said Sal will watch any kind of porn so that's surprising. Sal said he can't watch that at all.
Jon asked JD how Sal reacted. JD said he was playing a clip of a girl moaning weirdly and Sal got bummed out by it when he said that she might be deaf. Sal said he just shuts down in that one department.
Jon said Ron Johnson isn't the only person with weird affectations that has called the show. He mentioned John the Stutterer, Golddust the wrestler and others. Gary said that wasn't real though. Jon said it made him laugh. Jon asked who he is forgetting. Gary said that they had the Tourettes girl who faked it years ago. They mentioned Speech Impediment Man, Pete the Asian Virgin and a couple of others who have called in.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Sal if he just said that blind people can't turn on their radio in their car and listen. Sal said he meant that you can't have closed captioning in a car while you drive. Sal said that caller did it the right way. He said he didn't just call him an idiot. They went to break a short time later.
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Jon said Jonah came back and said hello to everyone in the back. Gary said he came to his office and he asked who some people were on his desk. Gary said he had a shot of Eric the Actor on his desk. He said all of their new interns are there and Jonah went out and said hi to all of them who were there for just their second day. He said he went back to the green room and he told them that doesn't happen all the time. He said it may not ever happen again.
Jon said Jonah came back and spoke to Sal and Richard. Sal said he's an amazing person. He said they have some phone calls in the works thanks to him. Sal said that Jonah was out there asking where everyone was. He said he acted like he knew them and he was such a great fan. He said John Stamos comes back too. JD said Spade comes back too. He said he was out at a restaurant one night and Spade came over to say hello. Sal said Spade never came over and said hello to them. He said he thinks he doesn't like the Tradio calls that they make. Steve Brandano said that Jerry O'Connell always comes back and says hello too.
Gary said that Richard is a big fan of John Goodman and he got to do that when he was there. Jon said that Richard is one who everyone wants to meet. Sal said that Cyndi Lauper came back to see them. He said that she knows someone his wife knows and she sat in the office for a while. He said she was great. Gary said he's really bummed he missed John C. Reilly. He said he wasn't there. Jon said he was great when he came in. Gary said he knows and he's bummed he missed it.
Jon said Richard is in there now. Jon asked him how he prepares to meet people when they come in. Richard said when Mike Judge came in he was going to wear King of the Hill boxers and a t-shirt. He said the night before he wasn't able to find his t-shirt. He said he wasn't able to find it and he ripped up his house looking for it. He said the next best thing he had was a Beavis and Butt-Head shirt so he wore that instead. He said he wore King of the Hill boxers and the Beavis and Butt-Head t-shirt. Richard said when Metallica came in he had Ride the Lightning boxers. He said they were shocked he even had such a thing. He said he gets excited when people come in. He said John Goodman came in and he didn't know it until that day. He said he had a bunch of Lebowski shirts he could have worn there.
Gary said John Goodman is a great guy and he must be afraid if he sees someone coming toward him with a Lebowski t-shirt on. Richard said he saw Jeff Goldblum at a book store and he didn't bother him. He said he's a huge fan though. He said he's super tall. Gary said he's super skinny too.
Jon asked Richard what it's like when he's a fan of someone and the person is a huge fan of his. Richard said it's an honor. He said you never know who is out there listening right now. He said John C. Reilly said he loves the Tradio calls. He said he got a kick out of it talking to them about it.
Gary said that Ike Barinholtz is on The Mindy Project. He said he started peppering him with questions out in L.A. He said Ike asked if he could go to lunch with him to finish the conversation when he's out there shooting a movie. Gary said he's going to do that.
Jon asked JD if he struggles with the interaction when he has fans like that. JD said he struggles a little bit. He said Kaitlin Olson was asking him questions about the show and she said he must get it a lot. JD said he does. Gary said he was out in L.A. for a week and he had people coming up to him saying that they know he doesn't like to be bothered. Gary said he hates it when people are dicks to him but not when people approach you.
Sal said he feels bad for people like Benjy who some people may not get and they say it on the show. Sal said that has to be hard. Richard said you can try to convince them that he's a good guy. Sal said that stuff hurts though.
Gary said he worked really hard to get Natalie Maines on the show and she came in and walked right past him asking where Artie was. He said that's painful too.
Richard said that people will say that you're not as ugly as Howard says you are. Sal said he's gotten that too. He said one person told him they expected a Ron Jeremy looking slimy guy. They went to break after that.
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Jon said he gets a lot of ''You're not as fat as I thought you were.'' He said JD gets that a lot. Benjy said he gets that too. He said he went to a building to rent an apartment once and he was told that he can't live there because he worked for the Howard Stern Show.
Jon brought up the Wolfie segment and the jingles for him. Gary said he read a blog about Wolfie going there and they said that they only go and find the weird people there. He said the guy said there are a lot of normal people who go too. Jon said that Ralph goes and he has worn a costume. Richard said he and Sal went to one and wore costumes to fit in. He said they had the dumbest costumes on ever.
Benjy said he doesn't like the hate toward that. He said it seems like they're angry about it. Gary said they're not angry about it. Benjy said it seems angry to him. Gary said he thinks that Howard's take on it is that the people they interview are only doing that in their lives and nothing else. Jon said it's harmless goofing too.
Jon asked Steve if he is right about Ralph wearing a costume. Steve said he's not sure about that. Steve also said that these people are creative people who like the art and they're creative types. He said they're making their own costumes. He said it's really not much different than what Gary does going to 50 Bruce Springsteen concerts. Gary said that's not the same but he has no problem with people going to Comic-Con. He said that he's not dressing up like Bruce when he goes. He said he doesn't even wear a Bruce t-shirt.
Jason came in and said he's sick of these people making fun of the people at Comic-Con. He said Gary's buddy Ross is making signs when he goes to Bruce concerts. He said that's just as bad. He asked Gary if he thinks he's a loser. Gary said he doesn't.
Jason said Howard and Gary are going off on these Comic-Con people like they're losers. Gary said that Comic-Con juts isn't for him. He said that he doesn't get the dressing up thing. Gary said some of the Comic-Con's are really cool but the little cons around the country can be kind of sad. Gary asked if it's cool to go off and have a fake battle in a field. Jason said that he's not into that stuff but he's not talking about that.
Jon said there are some people who have no lives and put costumes together. He said he doesn't think that's horrible. He said there are people who go off and do these things on the weekend and he's not judging it. Jon said that he wears a Pirates jersey at a game and he could be lumped into something like that. He said he can understand why he'd be goofed on.
Jason said dressing up at Comic-Con is a major thing these days. He said that it's not that crazy. Jon said in San Diego if you're not dressed in a costume then you're the odd one.
Jason said he just wanted to say something positive about Comic-Con. Gary said he finds it funny but not against the rules when a 300 pound girl puts on a Khaleesi costume. Jason said he gets that. Benjy said that he doesn't like it when they say that these people are wrong for doing it.
Jason said he's going to a Meatopia. Gary said Jason told him a story about how they butterflied a whole cow there and cooked it. He said that sounded really disgusting.
Gary said even if you take some of these people from Comic-Con and take them out of their outfits and interview them on the street you're still going to laugh. He said their funny voice will get to you.
Richard said he went to a convention where he met some of the guys from Dukes of Hazard. He said he can understand people wanting to meet these people. Gary said he went to Comic-Con a couple of years ago and he enjoyed it. He said he felt like an outsider though.
Jon said he thinks they have to wrap this up now. He thanked the callers and had the guys get in their plugs. They were done around 11:00am.
Jon said JD isn't the same guy when he's not there. He said it's like going to camp. He said he can be a different person out there. Jon said he thinks he came off very confident there. Jason said they have about a 10 minute video of JD out there and it shows how comfortable he is. He said that JD shouldn't wear a white shirt though. He said that doesn't work on a fat guy. Gary asked if he thinks JD is really a fat guy. Jason he definitely is. He said if you button your shirt and you can see your belly sticking out then you're a fat guy. He said Jon should know that.
Jon took a call from Wolfie who said that he appreciates this opportunity to clear his name in this whole jingle controversy. Jon said that there was a request from Wolfie a couple of years ago about getting a jingle. Wolfie said he won't back peddle over this. He said that two years ago he admits he did request one. He said he though it would be cool to have one. He said he hasn't been asking or begging for one the past 2 years. He said he did mention to Daniel Mendelson that he'd love an opera version. He said that he'll take.
Gary said that Wolfie is pretty normal usually. He said he was at the Christmas party and he said some things that he didn't remember after. He said Wolfie leaned into him saying that he couldn't believe that he wasn't going to the birthday party. He said his wife had to pull him away from him and tell him to stop bothering him.
Benjy said that Wolfie did ask Mendelson for the jingle. He said that's the whole substance of the issue. Will said that he's claiming he blacked out on that? Wolfie said he must have said it but he didn't remember it when he was on the phone with Howard the other day.
Benjy asked if Mendelson said he was working on a song for him. Wolfie said he had no idea why it resurfaced. He said he doesn't remember talking about it for the past 2 years. Benjy asked if he really didn't remember it talking to Howard. Wolfie said he really didn't. Gary said there's nothing weirder than Benjy being the sane one in a conversation.
Wolfie asked if they think he's really that far out there. Gary said that he has a low rating as a whacko. He said he thinks he really wanted a jingle though. Jon said that if you ask to be in the Wack Pack you're disqualified. He said it's the same with a jingle. Jon said he didn't ask for his. He said it just comes to you.
Benjy said they used to play the music for JD and he would cringe when it came on. He said that's how it comes about. Jon said that Wolfie does a really good job but he should just go out and do them. Wolfie said that he thought the jingle they did was funny and he knows they're not going to be complimentary.
Wolfie said he isn't a full time staffer but it's nice to get additional recognition. He thought the jingle would get him that.
Gary said Wolfie is sort of where Sal was right before he got on the show. He said if that opportunity occurred he thinks he'd take it. He said that might drive him. Wolfie said that he thinks about that. He said he thought about it more 5 years ago than he does now.
Jon thanked Wolfie for calling in. Wolfie said Howard said that no one can write a good song parody but Natalie Maines is working on one now.
Jon said that they all have that amnesia at times on the show. Gary said that Scott DePace left some really weird messages on Doug's voicemail and he denied doing it. He said that it was so weird and he did the strangest stuff and he denied it all.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they are setting JD up in the director chair because Howard is going to be leaving and maybe this is what will go on after the show ends. He asked if Jon is going to take over for Howard. Jon said that he doesn't think so. He said he and Gary have been doing the Wrap Up Show since the beginning. Gary said he doesn't think that there is any master plan for the empire. He said if there is a plan it's going to involve Howard. He said that he isn't looking to set everyone up. Jon said they had to take a break after that.
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Jason said they mentioned that people who spend time with Theresa are having their doubts on her. Sal said he spends time with her husband Larry so he doesn't know her that well. Jason said one of the allegations is that she has people going through the audience talking to people to get information out of them. Sal said they have an investigation and they'll see if she's guilty. He said he believes what she does is real. He said he's sticking with that.
Jon asked Richard about the Scott DePace voicemail thing. Richard said they weren't on his voice mail. Gary thought they were. Gary said they should be in their Prophet system so Jason went to look them up.
Jon asked Richard about his drinking and if he blacks out. Richard said there are things he's done like that. He said that Wolfie was going around trying to interview people at the holiday party and he ended up peeing on his hand when he was bothering him while he tried to pee.
Gary asked Jon if he has ever blacked out. Jon said he has but it was a long time ago. Richard said he hasn't had that in years. Jason said he has had times when he has pieces of his memory missing. He said they come in hazy eventually though. He said he doesn't believe in the whole black out thing.
Jon said he fell into a bush when he was talking to a girl once. He said his friends carried him home and he got home and said hi to his parents. He said he doesn't remember that at all.
Sal said the worst feeling is when you wake up from a black out and you say good morning and she looks at you like you burned the house down. Gary asked how many times that has happened. Sal said two or three. He said once he was up state at a resort and he went with some family. He said he was on Percoset and he started drinking. He said he got really fucked up and sang a song called Sweet Vagina with the kids there. He said he had to be escorted out. Jon asked him to sing some of the song. Sal did it and it was pretty graphic stuff about a vagina. Sal said he got yelled at by his wife's aunt and he brought up some stuff about her. He said his wife hit him on the back and he had scratches on his back from her. He didn't remember how he got them. Sal said he remembers seeing the aunt and singing the song and that was it. Sal said they were leaving at 7 that morning and it was because of what he did.
Gary asked how long it was before his wife talked to him like a human again. Sal said that was a few days. He said it's a very slow process. He said he sat down with her aunt and they get along great now. Gary asked how bad it was what he said to the aunt. Sal said it was an 11. Gary said he's dying to know what he said. Sal said he's not saying. He said he respects her too much. Benjy said they can give her a fake name. Sal said her name is Benjy and he fingered her asshole.
Jon said that once you get a few in you then you can go into that stuff. Jon said that all bets are off for Sal. Sal said he hasn't gotten drunk since last summer. He said they went to a concert and he ended up vomiting on his friend's driveway. He said that he had to call it quits then. He said he had to watch the concert with one eye closed to see them. He said that's why he hasn't had a drink in a year.
Sal mentioned that he was smoking something the time he got black out drunk on Percoset. He said that he was there with a bunch of kids so he had to have someone pass the weed.
JD said that Sal came into his office to check out his porn. Sal mentioned recently that he had given up porn a few weeks ago. Sal said he's still not watching porn. Jon asked if he's wanted to go back to either. Sal said avoiding the porn is great and it's made his sex life better. Jason said he thought his wife was the problem with sex. Sal said he's not getting a boat load of sex but when he has it he really enjoys it.
Richard said he loves telling drinking stories. He said he has passed out doing a couple of things. He said he bets that others have done it. Gary asked if it's jerking off and shitting. Richard said that's it.
Jason said he has passed out and got caught jerking off. He said his wife found him with the lotion and porn playing on his computer.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he had a comment about JD and his directing being like a pity fuck. He said that JD has access to so many big directors and people in the business. JD said he doesn't have direct access. Gary said if JD started reaching out to those guys they probably wouldn't be happy. He said they'd ask JD to leave the guy alone.
Jon said that JD wasn't there at the beginning of the show. He said that they were talking about how he seems to have more confidence. JD said he doesn't know about that. Jon asked if he feels different. JD said he doesn't know about that. He said he thinks he did a decent job. Jason said there is video of JD behind the scenes directing and he's very confident in the video. He said it's everything you want. Jason said the only critique he had was the white shirt he wore. JD told him it's enough of the fat guy tips. JD said he doesn't think he's obese. Jason said he didn't say he was.
Benjy asked JD to step back a bit so he can see him. He said he doesn't think he's a fat guy. Richard said he's pleasingly plump.
Jon asked Gary who he thinks falls into the fat guy thing. Gary said that Jason and Benjy do. He said Jon is a big guy but maybe not a fat guy. Jon said the height helps him out. Jason said he'll take a picture of JD and Jon with their shirts off and they can have the audience vote. JD said no way to that.
Jason said that JD and Jon are fat. They're not that fat next to him but they are fat. Benjy said they're not that big though.
Richard said he was looking at JD's ass and it's not that fat. JD told him to get out of there. Sal said he thinks he's just slightly chubby. Gary said they knew JD when he was thin. JD said he did too now lets move on. Jason said he is a fat guy. Jon said he agrees that it's time to move on. They went to break a short time later.
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Benjy said Gary pointed something out about competing against himself or other people. He said it is different. Gary said that a stranger is going to stick his finger up his ass so there is another person involved. Benjy said he thinks about that.
Gary said yesterday they had a cake at the writer's meeting and Benjy ate a piece. Benjy said it was good and he liked it. Gary asked if ice cream cake is better than a stranger's fingers. Benjy didn't answer. He said he has a hypothetical that he's been thinking about. He asked if they could eat unlimited and they had to have a stranger do that to them once a day, would they do it. Everyone said no.
Jon said that Benjy doesn't seem to see the finger in the ass as that big of a thing. Benjy said it is. He said it's more about the pain and the teasing. He said he doesn't want it. He said it's actually the kissing that's the worst.
Richard said he doesn't think that the finger in the ass is that bad. He said everyone gets a prostate exam. Richard said he thinks that they should milk his prostate. Benjy didn't know what that was. Gary said it's been in a few movies. Jason said he just tweeted out a picture of Benjy eating cake on @SternShow on Twitter.
Sal said that he gets a boner every time he takes a dump. Jon and the guys all started laughing. Jon said this is one of those things he thinks happens to everyone. Benjy said he often has to pee after doing that but no boner.
Gary asked how he stays on the toilet if he has a boner. Sal said after three turds he has a full on boner. Jon asked if that really gets him going. Sal said 90 percent of the time he gets one. He said he thought maybe it was the prostate thing that does it. He said maybe he gets turned on by that. Sal said he doesn't jerk off but he gets a boner.
Sal said he was in Atlantic City once and he left the door open when he took a shit and his friend saw it. He said he thought it was a normal thing. He said by the time he's done wiping and cleaning up the boner is gone though. Sal said he would bet that other guys have the same thing.
Gary said this is news to him. Jason said this is like Jeff the Vomit guy who thinks he's not the only one who has this. Sal said it makes sense to him that it would happen. Gary said it makes sense to Sal and only Sal.
Richard said he didn't know that Sal had that. He said he's never talked about it. Benjy told Sal to try it again without shitting and see if it's some kind of sensitivity thing. He said maybe it has to do with relaxing. He said that maybe it's the foreskin thing. He said maybe there is more room down there for things to happen. Sal said it happens maybe 2 or 3 out of 5 times he does it. Richard asked if he's ever had the opposite happen and shit while he's having sex. Sal said no and Jon said he thinks it's time to end the show after that. They were done around 11:05am.