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Howard started the show taking a call from Wolfie. Wolfie asked if he thinks Superman was circumcised prior to getting there. Howard said that is the question. He said of course the likely answer is ''how would they come up with that barbaric ritual?'' Howard said they were a very advanced society. He said you'd assume that they wouldn't practice circumcision. Howard said their history would not mimic ours. He said he's going to say there is no way they did that and there is no mention of it in the comics. Howard said on earth there's no way he could be. He said he was hung much like Sal. Robin asked if he could do it himself. Howard asked why nay guy would do that. He said he's not going to lop off that skin. Howard let Wolfie go and said that was a very legitimate question.
Robin said that the pope just announced that if Aliens come to earth he will baptize them. Howard said he's sure they'd understand it. He said that's really smart.
Howard took a call from a guy who thanked him for AGT on Wednesday. He said he did that after the radio show. Howard said he doesn't think he was there. Howard said they dismissed the audience. The caller said he knows but he saw a couple of magic acts and Mariann was there. Howard said they do a thing called Judgment Week that they used to call boot camp. Howard said they have to narrow it down to 47 acts.
Howard said they were going to have an audience for the first time and he spoke up asking how they were going to do that. Howard said it's all about not having an audience. He said you're supposed to do it in front of a few casting people. He said having people cheering for them isn't going to work. Howard said after 3 acts they sent them off to their trailers and they said it's not working with the audience. Howard said they ended up dismissing them and they did the show without an audience. The caller said that he saw two acts and he thought it was going to go until 7. He said he really didn't care about the acts. He just wanted to see Howard and Mariann. Howard said most people do just want to see him.
Howard said Thursday and Friday turned into really long days. He said Saturday wasn't too bad though. He said everything worked out in the end. He said it's not an exact science with that stuff. He said they tried something new and it didn't work out. Robin said she likes that they're trying new stuff.
The caller said that Mariann is a wonderful fan. He said that she must have a happy husband at home. She cooked for her husband before she left for the show. He said they just don't make people like her anymore. Howard thanked him for the call. He said it sounds like he's trying to fuck Mariann.
Howard had Mariann on the phone and she said that she thought Howard had them cut the audience out. She said they put her right next to Howard and she moved herself 6 rows behind because she didn't want to cramp his style. She said Robin sat in her seat instead. She said that Robin got a lot of hugs and someone serenaded her. Robin said that was an Elvis impersonator. Mariann said she could tell Howard was tired that day. She said it took her 3 hours to get there and 3 to get home. Howard hung up on her as she was in the middle of a sentence about how much she loves him. Howard said Mariann is a sweet woman. He said she carries on like a lunatic though.
Howard said three kids have already accused the hologram of molestation. He said it's amazing with Michael Jackson that he's been dead for like 5 years now and the kid who was in the Pepsi commercial with him in 1987 is accusing him of molestation. He said that's unbelievable. He said he's got a new album, a new song and people are coming forward with molestation claims. He said he's the busiest dead guy in show business. Howard said he had a bigger week than he did.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he has heard Baba Booey doing his ads on the Wrap Up Show. He asked him to please stop reading them. He said they're horrendous. He said Gary doesn't know how to read. He said his inflection is way up and way down. He said he's a horrible reader. He said he feels sorry for the guy. Howard asked the guys to pull some of those live reads.
The caller said that they have actors as guests on the show and they have people screwing up Jon Hein and Gary Dell'Abate's names when they read them. Howard said he doesn't think they're doing that on purpose. The caller said he was being sarcastic. Howard thanked him and let him go after that.
Howard said Kendall Jenner was on the Billboard Music Awards and she can't read apparently. He played a clip from the awards where Jenner came out and read the teleprompter and wasn't able to pronounce the name of the band she was introducing. Howard said she really can't read apparently. Howard said that she must not need to know a thing. He said if you're cute you don't need to read. He said if you look like he does then you have to know how to read. Howard said when Kendall is giggling through it it's fine. He said it looks better on her.
Howard said music these days just seems disposable. He said that it used to be cool to play guitar but now the guys who play look like douches. He said that back in the day playing guitar was serious business. Howard said in the 90s, 80s and 70s it was all serious. He said it's just not the same now.
Howard said there's a band called Five Seconds of Summer and he's never heard of them. Robin said she thinks that's who Kendall Jenner was talking about. Howard said they compare them to the Beatles invading America. He said he's never even heard of them. Howard played a clip from the awards last night and they were introduced as if they were the Australian Beatles. Howard said that seems sacrilegious to him. He said it's like saying that Jesus took over and then they introduce the Unknown Comic. Robin said that was lazy writing there. Howard played a little bit of their song and he said they're just like the Beatles with 1/4 the talent.
Howard played a clip from the Billboard Music Awards where Robin Thicke was thanking people for winning and he thanked his wife for putting up with him all these years. Howard said she ain't putting up with him anymore. He said that he'd desperate to get his wife back. Howard said he has the lyrics to his new song and it's all about getting her back. Howard played some of that new song. He said that he should be singing about how he shouldn't have dry fucked Miley Cyrus on stage. Howard said he hopes there weren't any naked models on stage at the time.
Howard said Miley Cyrus did ''Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds'' last night. He played some of that song. He said they must have been doing some kind of tribute to the Beatles. Howard said she did the song with The Flaming Lips.
Howard said that he's impressed that Jennifer Lopez can speak Spanish. He said she got out a few last night. He played a clip of her accepting an award. JD told him that it was the Icon Award. He said that she apparently sold 75 million albums in her career. Howard said that's impressive for shitty stuff like that. Howard played more of the speech and Jennifer started speaking Spanish and the crowd went wild.
Howard said he finds that impressive. He said that turns him on. He said anyone who can speak two languages, god bless you. Robin said she saw that Jennifer Lopez wanted them to change the wallpaper in the dressing room of some place she was at. Howard said he heard Barbara Walters was like that too. He said people get nuts. He said he sees that with actresses too. He said it's unbelievable.
Howard said Janks claims that he wants to come in and tell them his story. He said he wants to leave with his dignity. Howard said Janks has never kissed a man either. He said that he didn't want to make out with Joey Boots though. Robin said you don't come out and just kiss any man.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said that Gary and Jon Hein are always talking about how hard their wives work at home. He wondered if the wives talk about their husbands like that. Howard said that being a mother is the hardest job in the world. He said he has seen Jon and Gary's children and if he was married to those women he'd be the same way. King was laughing. Howard said he'd bring them flowers every night if he were those two. Howard said Mary Dell'Abate is an excellent mother. He said that is the key to raising the next generation.
King said he appreciates that. He said his wife is the same way. He said he is saying that what his father told him is that you do not over compliment them. Howard said it sounds like his father has an emotional problem. King said that will turn a woman off. Howard said he spends a lot of time quoting his father. He said at a certain part of his life he must see that he's different than his father. He said that you have to see that he's not that brilliant. Howard said he's so caught up in being a child that he's over compensating. He said that he feels his father is God. He said he's not thinking for himself. He said he's wondering what his father would say. He said he has left his son an emotional cripple. Howard said he should compliment his wife every day for what she's doing. Howard said he has to stop thinking his dad is God and stop quoting him. He said he had to take a break after that.
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Howard said Janks concealed it pretty well. He said he's not effeminate. Janks said he's not and he isn't attracted to any who are. Howard asked who he is attracted to. He asked about Fred and Benjy. Janks said neither of those. He said he wasn't attracted to Howard Stern either. Howard said that means he's gay then.
Howard had Janks do a bracket. He had him pick from Fred or Howard. Janks picked Howard. He had him pick between Gary and Jon Hein. Janks picked Gary. He had him pick Richard or Sal and he went with Richard. Janks said he thinks that Richard is gay too. Howard had him pick between JD and Jason. He picked JD. Then he had him pick Howard or Gary. Janks went with Howard. Then he picked JD and then between JD and Howard he went with JD. Howard said he heard that he used to find JD attractive but he gained weight. Janks said he thinks he's an attractive guy.
Howard asked why he's coming out now. Janks said he wanted to get it out of the way and move on with his life. Howard said he has never tried anything gay though. Janks said that he hasn't but he has banged women. He said when he was in his late 20s he was bi-sexual. He said he had more of a preference as he got older. He said his family knows about this now too. He said he got it out of the way by doing it on Facebook. He said that he didn't want to have meetings and sidebar's with people. Janks said he just posted ''By the way, I'm gay.'' on Facebook. Howard asked if anyone unfriended him. Janks said he had 4 or 5 people do that. He said he's not sure who they were. Janks said he had someone email him saying he was going to unfriend him if it wasn't a prank.
Howard asked Janks about his retiring from the show. He said he never worked for the show so he's not sure how he can retire. Janks said that he has been making prank calls off and on here and there. He said when he heard Howard starting out he was being bullied by the media. He wanted to figure out what he could do to combat this. He said the prank calls were easy access to that. He said that he was doing it to the competitors too. Howard said he was very appreciative for that. Janks said this marks 25 years as a contributor to the show.
Janks said 5 years ago he made a bucket list of what he wanted to do. He said he was down in the dumps when Steve Langford was doing the news stories about him. He said that he was addicted to opiates like Oxy Contin and things like that. Howard asked how much money he went through because he worked at a gas station. Janks said he never actually worked at a gas station. He said the company he worked at never wanted him to say where he worked.
Janks said when he had to make an appearance somewhere and he was in withdrawals it was tough to do. Howard said being gay and not being able to say that could have contributed to that. Janks said he was in a bad way back then. He said he was about 80 pounds heavier and he was smoking. He said he's lost the weight and he stopped smoking. He said this was all on his bucket list. Howard asked if it was harder to quit drugs or come out. Janks said quitting drugs was harder.
Janks said he works 6 days a week now and he likes what he does. He said he still loves the show but in the beginning he felt he had to give Howard that extra push to help him out. He said now he doesn't need that. He said someone will do the prank calls instead.
Howard asked if he ever masturbated to gay porn or did he deny himself from all of that. Janks said he wasn't in denial to himself. He said he had his own fantasies. He said he always thought people were on to him. Howard said no one was on to him. Janks said the past 25 years he thought people were. Howard said he never thought he was gay. Janks said he always thought there were people who knew. Howard said he predicts that in a year he will have a relationship. Robin asked if he is on Grindr. Janks said he has an account and he calls himself Steve Langford on there. He said he would never be in a relationship with someone from there though.
Howard asked if he has gone to any gay clubs. Janks said he has not. He said he works 6 days a week and doesn't have a lot of time. He said he just wanted to open the doors to this. He said no one wants to die alone.
Janks said that he isn't into the George Clooney look. He said he thinks that Zach Braff is the type he likes. He said he thinks he's a good looking man. Howard said he might be able to set him up with him. He said he does know him. Janks said he's not interested in him, he just thinks he's good looking.
Howard asked Janks about the Monkees because he knows he's a big fan. He asked who he is more attracted to. Janks said he's not attracted to them. He said he's a fan of their music. Janks said that someone thought he was gay just because of how much he's into them. Howard asked if he has a preference between any of them. Janks said it's the spiritual connection to them. He said that's what it is for him.
Howard had Gay Ramone on the phone. Ramone said that he was at a club with Janks and he sucked his dick in the parking lot. Howard told him not to make that up. Ramone said it was 7 years ago at a night club. Howard asked Janks if that's true. Janks said he has very high standards and he would rather be alone than be with someone he doesn't choose to be with.
Howard took a call from Balls who said he wanted to thank Janks for all of the calls. He asked how long he's going to go with this until he has sex with a man. Janks said he could go the rest of his life without being with someone. He said that he would rather be alone than be with someone he doesn't want to be with.
Howard asked Janks about telling his family on Facebook. Janks said he knew that everyone would get wind of it if he did that. He said he just wanted to get it out there and move on. Howard asked if Joey Boots inspired him. Janks said that what High Pitch Mike Morales did is what inspired him more than Boots.
Howard asked Janks about the voice he sued to do when he was calling in as Captain. Janks did some of the voice and he said he did that for the screeners that were taking his calls.
Howard asked if his parents are happy about this. Janks said he went to dinner with them and they didn't bring it up at all. He said he thinks his mother knew. He said his brother was kind of shocked. Janks said his mother said she loves him. He said that's fine. He said his father didn't say anything but he knows that they love him.
Howard asked what his next move is. Janks said that this is the first time he's been on the show in front of Howard with no secrets. Howard said he looks healthier now. He said he thinks freeing himself makes him look healthier. He said maybe people who walk around with this on their shoulders makes them look bad. Janks said he thinks it does. He said that this was a big fear of his for the past 25 years. He said he was always trying to keep that from Howard and the show. He said the show is different now though. Janks said he could have had a field day back in the day if he wanted to. Janks said he has very high fucking standards though.
Howard asked JD to come in and talk about coming out on top of the Janks brackets. Howard said for once he's number one. JD came in and said it's about time that someone wants him. He thanked Captain Janks. Janks said if you look at JD from 10 years ago he was a very good looking man.
Howard said that JD has gained a tremendous amount of weight. Howard said the two of them could get married if JD came out right now. JD said he's not doing that.
Howard said JD could have a field day with the guys in the audience if he was gay. JD said he could but he's into women so it's much harder for him.
Robin asked Janks about his retirement and if he's really not going to be heard on the show. Janks said that's just not part of his life now. He said he's done. He said if Howard has a final show then he'd show up for something like that. He said that he's done making the phony phone calls. He said his prank calls to CNN and MSNBC are done today. Howard said this is a big announcement. Janks said he's saying this with peace and love. Howard said CNN just lit fireworks.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he's going to take a load to his face. Janks said he's not sure. He hasn't done any of that. Howard said he would hope he would. Janks said he'd have to be in the moment to know. Howard asked where he'll cum. Janks said he has no idea. He hasn't done it yet. Howard asked what his fantasy is. Janks said he's not sure. He said he's not comfortable with the ass thing though. He said you have to do what you have to do to make someone happy though. Howard said that anal is questionable though. Janks said he thinks that he'd be a top. Howard said he carries himself like one.
Howard asked if he's into musicals and things. Janks said he isn't. He said he likes classic rock and metal. He said he's not into that stuff. He said he has high standards and if he can't be with someone of his choosing then he'd rather be alone.
Howard asked if he will call the show once he does have gay sex. Janks said no. He said he's done now. He said he wanted to come up and say his farewell. He said he'll be as honest as he can with Howard today. Howard asked if he found KC good looking. Janks said he was okay but looks were secondary at that point.
Howard asked who he came out to first. Janks said he did that with a friend who is bi-sexual and out. He said his friend told him his experiences coming out. He said it wasn't a big issue for him. He said he told him to just come out and say it. Howard said that it's not easy. Janks said that for people today it's different. They come out earlier in life. Janks said that he came out to him and became more comfortable with it. Janks said he felt great. He said it was small steps for him. He said two weeks later he called Gary and told him. He said that was the next logical step for him. Howard said that doesn't sound that logical to him.
Howard asked if he ever gay bashed to cover up his own. Janks said when he was younger he did but he felt bad about it.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said that Janks called her a couple of weeks ago to talk about this. She said that the pressure is off of her now. She said she wants him to live his life and be happy.
Howard hung up on her and took a call from Bobo. Howard told him to remember that he has an IQ of 80. Bobo said he thinks that he has a curious mind and he will come back to being heterosexual once he tries it. Howard said Bobo is saying that once a guy cums on his face he will change his mind. Howard said he thinks that Janks is really gay. Janks said he's known since he was 10 years old.
Howard took a call from Gay Rich who congratulated Janks for coming out. He said he's definitely a top. He said he and Janks have talked for 20 years and he never thought he was gay. Janks said he likes Rich but he never found anything more than that. He said he's more effeminate than he's comfortable with. Howard said he's a young man. Janks said Rich isn't young anymore. He said he's like 50. Rich said he's 40. Howard said Fred dabbled with Gay Rich. He said he's dangerous with his sexuality. Howard asked if that doesn't get Janks going. Janks said it doesn't. Howard said he must not be that gay then. Rich said they should go out on a date. He said he doesn't have a boyfriend. Janks said he'd rather be with someone of his choosing.
Howard said he has ever seen such a choosy gay guy. He said he must be gay but he's turned off by gay sex. Janks said that if it happens it happens.
Howard asked when he masturbated last. Janks said it was probably yesterday. He said he watches the same kind of porn Howard does but it's all dudes.
Gay Rich said he'd take Janks out to some clubs if he wanted. Janks said he's never done that but he might want to do that. Howard asked Rich if cock size matters. Rich said of course it does. Janks said that cock size doesn't matter to him. He said he thinks that he's more into the face than that. He said he can only tell you about what he knows about himself. Rich said he thinks that Janks is in denial about something. He said there is something else that's not connecting there. He said he might be in denial in some way. Robin said there is something they have to have released. Howard said Rich feels a spiritual connection with someone who is 9 inches. Robin said that Janks should go out with Rich to find some men. Howard said he thinks that he's afraid to hook up. Janks said he's not but it has to be the right person. Howard said he has to be a little bit more gay.
Howard took a call from Hanzi who said he doesn't believe it. He said he thinks this is a shtick to get on the air. He said whenever something gay happens Howard has to jump on it. Robin said he's saying goodbye too so he's not going to get more air time. Howard said that people don't get air time for coming out gay.
Janks asked Hanzi when he's going to come out. He said he thinks Hanzi would be happy if he just came out. Howard asked if he's gay. Hanzi said he likes pussy. Janks asked when that happened last. Hanzi said that he doesn't like sucking dick. Howard said he likes wrestling though. Hanzi said he doesn't jerk off to that though.
Hanzi said he called into Opie and Anthony's show on Friday and he thought he was going to be black balled from the show. Howard said he doesn't care where he calls. He said he thinks that those guys think he cares more about what they do than he does. Howard said he doesn't care.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if they realize that the greatest prankster of media is going out on the biggest prank ever. Howard said that would be okay with him too. The caller asked if he knew he was gay since 10 then how could he have never done anything in all those years. Janks said that being on the show with as many spies as there are it would have been impossible to hook up and not have it on the show the next day. Howard said it's good he came out now because they're going to start up the CIA-Holes again. They would have found him out eventually.
Howard asked if they have any gay porn for Janks today. Gary told Howard they do. He told him where it was on the computer. Howard played a clip of a dominating guy telling another guy what to do. Howard asked if he was feeling any arousal. Janks said it wasn't doing it for him.
Howard took a call from Wood Yi (clips) where they had him asking if he wanted to suck his cock and that he loves a hot load on his face.
Howard took a call from Nicole Bass and told her they found three men who want to fuck her. Nicole said ''get out!'' Howard said she'd be great for Janks. Nicole said that he could stay straight with her. Janks said he's known her for a long time too. Howard asked if she had any clue about him. Nicole said she had no idea. Janks said he thought everyone knew.
Howard asked Janks if he's attracted to Nicole's masculine looks. Janks said he has known her for a long time and he's seen pictures of her when she was in high school. He said she was very feminine. Howard said he thinks that she's not far from being Janks' dream man.
Janks said that Kenneth Keith once asked him if he was gay. He said that he thinks he was on to him. Janks said he denied being gay.
Nicole asked if they could have a rendezvous. Howard said he's gay. He doesn't want to be with a man. Howard said that he's a gay man. Nicole said she thinks that they could have a spiritual relationship. Howard said he just found 3 men for Nicole to play a dating game. Howard said now she has a problem with it. Howard let her go after Fred did his Herman Munster impression for her.
Howard took a call from a guy who said there is no way Janks is gay. He said if he was he would have done something already. Janks said he thinks other people are more in denial than he is. Howard said it is strange that he's announcing that he's gay and he's never done anything with a man. Janks said he's always known it about himself. Howard asked if he has done anything gay like go to a club or a movie theater or anything gay. Janks said he has not. He said that he has never been molested or anything either. The caller said he doesn't know anyone who gives two shits about Janks anyway. He said that Janks was claiming that he made Howard. Howard said he didn't say he made him. He was just helping out in the beginning.
Robin said that people have a problem accepting this. Janks said he has a lot of people saying there is no way he is gay. Howard said this was something else. He said he's a good friend of the show. He said if being happy means he can't call in anymore then so be it. Janks said it just doesn't fit his life anymore. He said it's incompatible with his life. He said to have it in the back of his head that he has to make calls it distracts him. He said Howard doesn't really need it anymore though. Howard asked Robin if she's sad. Robin said she is. Howard said he thinks that he'll eventually call back in. Janks said this is the last time. He said he won't be here anymore.
Fred played ''Ride Captain Ride'' by The Blues Image for Janks because that's the song he wanted to go out on. Howard said he can see him in a sailors uniform dancing his way out of there. Janks said he's just moving on. He said he's going to concentrate on his job and responsibilities. Howard asked what kind of work he does. Janks said he drives a truck. He said that gives him access to listen to the show. Howard wished him luck and started to say goodbye. Howard said he should go out and find a big cock and ride captain ride. Janks said he knew this moment would be ruined. Howard told him to let them know if he ever finds a man. He thanked Janks for the past 25 years. Janks thanked him as well. Howard said he has a chill and a tear in his eye. He said he appreciates him and said he will miss him. Fred played some gay porn audio to let him ride off into the sun. He had Janks laughing. Howard told him to practice safe sex.
Howard asked Janks if he thinks he'll suck balls. Janks said he has no idea. He said he has done none of that so he has no idea. Howard said he has to suck balls and give head. Robin asked if he knows how to give head. Janks said he has practices on a carrot. He said that he has never done it with a guy though. He said that you accommodate a person you care about. Howard asked what he'll do if the guy wants a tongue up the ass. Janks said you do what you have to for a person you love. He said he has to have that spiritual connection though. Howard said he knows.
Richard came in with a banana and said that Janks can practice on that. Janks said there is no way that's happening. Richard stuck it in his pants. Howard told Richard to blow it instead. Richard said okay and did it. Janks said he knew he was gay. Richard was showing how to get that banana off. Howard said most girls don't know how to give good head. He said Janks should know how to do it since he's a dude and he knows what he likes. Janks said that Richard's wife is going to be pissed if he is gay. Richard said she doesn't have to worry because he's not gay. Janks asked if he'd have Sal in bed with him and his wife. Richard said no way.
Howard said he has to talk about Sal for a minute. He played a clip of Sal's ringtone which was the theme from Godzilla. that ringtone is for when his wife calls him. Howard laughed as he heard the song. Howard asked if he picks up right away or lets it ring. Richard said he lets it ring because he likes the song. Howard asked how often she calls. Richard said it's a couple of times a day. Howard was cracking up. He asked where he got that. Richard said he doesn't know. Howard asked if she knows that's her ringtone. Richard said she does now. Howard played it again and laughed his ass off at it. Howard said that's the greatest thing ever.
Howard said he hopes that Janks gets into a relationship and has a ringtone for someone. Janks said he hopes so. Howard asked if he thinks that Ralph is gay. Janks said a few years ago he would have said yes but he thinks that he's not. He said he fits the profile though.
Howard asked Janks if he thinks anyone else on staff is gay. Janks said it's just Richard. Robin said she is sad about this. She said that they don't hear from him that regularly and he's there saying goodbye now. Howard said he likes that Janks is in good shape now. He said that he's happy for him now. Howard said if you're out there looking for a spiritual connection then call the show and they'll set them up. Janks said if you're just looking for gay sex then call Richard.
Janks said that Will's reaction to him saying that he finds JD attractive was great. He said he was shocked by that. Richard asked if Janks wanted to see his asshole. Janks said no but Howard told him to do it anyway. Janks said it looks just like his face. Howard asked if Richard gained some weight. Richard said he doesn't think so. Jason came in to take a picture of his ass.
Richard asked if Janks likes the smell of a man's ass. Howard said he's never smelled one. Janks asked if they were going to play some prank calls. Howard said no. He asked if anyone wants to hear them. Richard said there are some good ones up there. He told him where they were so Howard played one. In that call Janks called a show as Bob Hope's manager and eventually blurted out a Howard Stern reference saying that he thinks that Bob died choking on Howard Stern's ball sack. They went to break after that call.
Howard came back and said he remembers the first time he heard this song. He said it was on their album ''Houses of the Holy'' and he remembers looking at the album cover. He said he was playing it in his room and he was like ''Wow!'' when he heard it.
Howard said that's what's great about that music. It takes him back to when he was a kid. He said now that he thinks about it he wasn't so happy back then.
Howard had the top 5 songs which included Katy Perry at number 5, Arianna Grande at 4, Iggy Azalea at 3, Pharrell Williams at 2 and John Legend at number 1.
Howard said he remembers John playing that song on their show. He had the live version that he did in August of 2013. Howard played some of that and said he can picture Janks and Zach Braff gazing into one another's eyes while listening to that song.
Howard said they had a piano in the studio and John Legend was playing just a few feet from him. He said he knew it would be a number one song.
Howard said he has some things he's wanted to get to for the past few weeks. He said Neil Patrick Harris was in there recently and he was talking about Hedwig and the Angry Inch. He said they prank called Riley Martin when Neil was there. Howard played the call and Neil called Riley Martin to ask if he was happy with his cable service. Riley sounded like he was really out of it. Howard said he must have been under the weather that day. Robin said it sounds like food poisoning. Neil was asking if he was happy with his car insurance. Riley was mumbling and not saying much of anything. Neil asked if he was happy with his microwave. Riley mumbled something about him being a scientific guy. Neil asked if he needed refrigerator insurance. Riley was moaning and mumbling. Riley said he thinks he'll succeed at his job. He said he really loves him. Riley then said ''fuck you man'' and Neil asked him not to use foul language. Riley eventually yelled something out in a slurred word and hung up on him.
Howard said that was some call. He said last week they had a writing meeting and Benjy offered to lose 40 pounds in 2 months or he'd be raped by a man. Robin told him to stop it. Howard said he's on. Benjy asked if he's for real. Howard asked how they could refuse that. Benjy said the reality is hitting him now. Howard said if Benjy doesn't lose 40 in 2 months then they'll have a man come in and make out with him and jiggle his boobs. Benjy said he's scared now. He said he's offered to do it like 5 other times. Howard said they're finally taking him up on the offer. Benjy took a big drink of water to get his weight up. Robin told them to forget it. Robin said he's throwing off the results. Howard said he makes these announcements and then he backs out. Howard said they'll have to figure out who the man will be.
Benjy said he wanted an incentive to lose weight so that's why he's doing this. He said now he's scared he won't be able to make it. Howard asked why he'd put it out there if he didn't want to do it. Benjy said he started a diet last week. Howard said he can't have a guy come in and rape him. He said they'll have a guy come in and he'll have to make out with the guy. Gary asked if he'll let a guy stick a finger in his ass. Benjy was fine with that. He said a finger in the ass is good. Howard said he can't do it in a studio but they can do it in a remote location.
Howard said if Benjy doesn't lose 40 pounds in 2 months he has to make out and get the finger in the ass. Benjy said he thought it was just the finger in his ass.
Benjy said that he already started the diet last week though. Gary said they'll make it 37 pounds then. Howard said that's fine. Benjy said it has to be a full 60 days. Gary said that it's a full 60. They will weigh him in on July 19th. Benjy said he has to go through a legal scale. He said the scale in the studio is different. Howard said they will bring in two other scales. He said he's not going to quit this thing. He said that he understands Benjy's hesitation but he brought this to them. Benjy said he did it 3 or 4 other times. Howard said now he's paying attention to him.
Howard had Benjy get on the studio scale. Benjy said this is a starting point and they have to check them too. Benjy got on the scale and he weighed in at 243.6 pounds. Howard said that's something else. They checked again and it came up the same. Howard said he has to weigh 206.6 when he weighs in next time in July. If he's not at that weight he has to get fingered in the ass. Gary said they have to have it set up that day so he can get it done. Howard said they will make sure he fulfills his obligation.
Gary said now Benjy looks really bummed. Benjy wanted this. Benjy wasn't happy. He said it's not right. Howard asked if he wants some guy to finger his asshole. Benjy said he really doesn't. He said he doesn't care about the physical part of it. Benjy said the person has to be tested.
Howard said July 19th is a Friday so he has two extra days to weigh in. He said if he backs out of this then Elisa has to come in topless. Benjy said she'd have to agree to that. Howard had the guys get her on the phone so they can make that happen. Howard said he has a lot at stake there. Benjy said he enjoys seeing her topless but he's not sure he'd want anyone else to. Robin said maybe instead of the finger they should have Elisa make out with another dude. Benjy said he'll take the finger.
Howard said he has nothing to lose here. He said in two months they could see Benjy getting fingered in the ass. Gary said either that or seeing Elisa's tits. Howard said he thinks Benjy can do it. He said he's going to go crazy trying to lose that weight.
Benjy said he added a lot of water the last time they did the weight loss challenge. He said he drank a lot of water that time. Benjy said he is scared that 37 pounds might not be possible. Howard said he is bloated. He said he could take a good dump and lose a few. Benjy said he took one this morning and he would have held on to it for a week if he knew they were going to do this.
Gary asked why he would add weight if he's trying to lose weight. Benjy said it's all for the challenge. Steve told Howard that Elisa didn't answer so they weren't able to get her on the phone.
Howard said he doesn't want to see Benjy get fingered in the ass. He said he's not sure why Benjy seems so surprised by this. Robin said he acts like they brought it up and they did it without asking him. Robin said he was the one who brought it up. Benjy said he thought they'd just say it and not do it.
Howard said he heard that Benjy would eat his own pubes. Benjy said that was just something he threw out there and he doesn't want to do that if he's trying to lose weight. Howard said they might be seeing Benjy get fingered. Robin said either that or they'll see a svelte Benjy. Howard said he'd rather see him getting fingered.
Howard said Gary got into it with Benjy last week on the Wrap Up Show. Howard said Gary walked off his own show because of Benjy. Howard said he didn't think Benjy did anything that wrong. He said it was amazing He said it shows you the clout of the Sharknado movies. Howard explained what it was they were talking about that got Gary so worked up.
Howard said the other funny thing last week was that the show Eric the Actor was on, Legit, was canceled. He said Eric has been on four shows and they've all been canceled. Howard said that Eric gets crazy over that. He said people are accusing him of getting shows canceled. Howard said it's one thing after another when they go off on Eric. Howard said he has a statement from Eric the Actor about that. Howard played the clip of Eric saying that he's sick of the bullshit where people blame him. He was talking to Shuli about that. Eric said he doesn't want the credit for ending these shows.
Howard said a lot of people are sending gifts to Eric from his wish list on Amazon.com but he only sends people thank you notes if the dollar amount is over 500 bucks.
Howard had Elisa on the phone so he told her about what they were thinking about her coming in there topless. Elisa said she thought it was the finger in the ass. Howard said that they were thinking about her coming in there topless. Robin said she suggested having a guy make out with her. Elisa said that Benjy has to be okay with whatever they do. Howard asked if she is willing to come in there and get topless if he doesn't lose the 40 pounds. Elisa said she doesn't know. She said she doesn't think Benjy would mind that. Benjy laughed. Howard said that would keep him honest. Elisa said she thinks they should give him the fist.
Howard said that's an added thing. Howard said she is going to come in and make out with a guy if he doesn't come through on his end. Benjy said she didn't agree to make out with a guy. Howard said that's what he thought she agreed to. Howard told Gary to get her back on the phone.
Howard had Elisa back on the phone so he cleared things up. Howard said the bet doesn't really involve her at all. He said if Benjy doesn't come through and get fingered if he doesn't lose the weight then she has to come in and do this for them. Elisa said that Benjy will do that fingering thing. She said that he likes trying things. Howard said she has to come in and make out with a hot guy if Benjy doesn't come through. Elisa said that if things are going as they are now then that's fine. Howard said he has to put the fear of God into him so he goes through with it. Benjy said he's not positive he can lose the 37 pounds. Robin said she doesn't have to do anything. She said that Benjy has to do his thing and she won't have to do anything at all.
Howard said he has to get out of this. He said Benjy is the one who presented this and he assumes he'll go through with it. Howard said the only way she'd have to do anything is if Benjy welches on the bet. Benjy said the only thing he wants is the guy to be tested.
Howard said that what he's saying is if Benjy doesn't go through with it then Elisa would do this. He said she doesn't have to do anything if Benjy sticks to his part of the bet. Howard asked if he wants to go through with it or not. Benjy said yes. Howard said if he backs out of the bet does Elisa agree to make out with a hot guy, topless, on the show. Elisa said Benjy will not lose the bet. Robin said she can say yes then. Robin said this is only about Benjy saying that he won't do it. Elisa said she agrees then. She said Benjy will do it.
Howard said these two are perfect together. He said this is even more added incentive. Benjy asked if America enters a war in the next two months the bet is off. Robin asked why. Benjy said he's not sure what would happen. Howard said he made this bet and it goes either way. Howard said it has nothing to do with a war.
Benjy said the finger in his ass is not a big deal. Howard told Gary to ask Gay Rich if he'd be the one to make out with Benjy. Benjy said he may not be attracted to him. Gary said he'll make the call.
Howard said he's done with this for now. He said in 2 months he'll be back into it. He took a call from a guy who said this is terrible radio so he has to get off of this. Howard said people really hate Benjy. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and took a call from a guy who said he wanted to congratulate him on his greatest charitable work ever. He was talking about Jackie's Joke Hunt. He said he was listening to Sternthology recently and then they played Jackie's Joke Hunt and he didn't laugh once during the whole hour. He said it's the worst shit ever. The guy said the show is the worst. Howard said he'll pass the word on. Howard let him go after that.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked if he saw Godzilla. Howard said he didn't but he did see that it made over $90 million at the box office. Howard said that's considered a big success. Howard said it looks cool from what he's seen. The caller said he thought it was going to be great too but it was awful. He said Godzilla was hardly in the movie at all. He said Cranston was great but the movie wasn't that good.
JD came in and said he saw it with Richard who was drunk. He said Richard had wine stains all over his mouth by the end of the movie. He said Richard went to the bathroom and the bathroom was packed. He said Richard was dancing around and he had to pee so bad he pissed into the sink. Howard asked if he did it in front of those people. JD said he did and people were saying stuff to him. Howard asked if he's nuts.
Richard came in and said this movie theater had two urinals but there were 20 guys in line. He said one guy pissed his pants because he had to go so bad. Richard said he didn't think about wearing a diaper. Howard said most people his age don't. Richard said the Imax theater holds a lot of people and you can't get out of the aisle once you're in. Howard said he doesn't like Imax. He said he likes regular movies. JD said he thought it was awesome. Richard said he loved the movie.
Howard asked how wasted Richard was. JD said they went to a bar first. He said he had some drinks at the bar for a little while. Richard said he had a few beers. Then they went to the theater and he snuck in a couple bottles of wine. Richard said they snuck them in his wife's hand bag. Richard said the movie was really cool. He said he wishes that there was more Godzilla but the other creatures were really cool. He said they had things like Mothra and Rodan in it. Robin asked if he would have liked it without the liquor. Richard said not as much but he would have liked it. Howard said you can't trust his opinion on these movies. Richard
Howard asked about pissing in the sink. Richard said he did it and someone in the bathroom made an announcement that the sink had been compromised. Richard said he told them that he'd clean it out the best he could.
Howard asked if he drank all weekend. Richard said he ran a half marathon on Saturday. He said he met up with Steve Brandano on Sunday and had a good time drinking. Richard said he had a coffee beer at home before brunch on Sunday. He said he does that every Sunday morning. Howard said that's the life of an alcoholic. Richard said JD was drinking too. Howard asked what he does when he goes to a bar. Richard said the brunch places in Brooklyn are packed on a Sunday. He said he has Mimosas there. He said he has a couple. Howard asked how many is ''a couple.'' Richard said he probably had 3 or 4 in an hour and a half. He said they went out drinking after that. Howard asked when the drinking stops. Richard said he stops when he goes to bed. He said he's been trying to stop drinking an hour or so before bed lately.
Howard said Steve said Richard was sloppy drunk when he was with him. Richard said that takes a while to get there. Howard said he heard he's hung over. Richard said he's not. Howard said that's not what Steve says. Richard said he's not sure what Steve knows that he doesn't. He said he was tired this morning but who isn't on a Monday morning?
Howard asked how good Godzilla was. The guys talked about that and Howard mentioned that he liked Riddick 2. He said that he's not sure why his eyes are fucked up in those movies. He said he thinks he saw the first one but he doesn't know if they explained that. He said the second one was really good but he doesn't think he liked the first one.
Robin said she saw The Counselor and she really liked that. She said that was Cameron Diaz and Brad Pitt and others. JD said that movie is terrible. He said you never know what's going on in that movie. Robin said that's because he's too stupid to know.
Richard said that when Godzilla breathes fire for the fist time he spilled wine on himself. He said that he had to stand on his tippy toes in the sink when he pissed in it too. He said his balls were on the sink bowl.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said that he was at that theater and Jason had some beer bottles with him there and he kicked one that rolled all the way down to the front.
Howard said he's really far behind in the super hero movies. He said that the hasn't seen Captain America or the new Spider-Man. Ralph said it's AGT man. Howard said he knows. Howard said when Ralph is there he is constantly at the Craft services area. Ralph said that's the best. He said the other day he had peanut butter and jelly and it was great. He said he hasn't had that in a long time. Howard said Ralph is always eating. He said he heard he has a bag he brings there and takes food home in it. Ralph said that's not true.
Howard said Ralph prides himself on being in control of what he eats but he always sees him eating shit. He said NBC flew them out on a private jet and they had a whole spread of food on the flight. He said Ralph decided to sleep while everyone else was eating. Howard said everyone ate and they were all done. Then Ralph wakes up and says he wants to eat. Howard said Ralph does this every time. Howard said if he flies with them again he's not going to let him eat. Ralph said it's not a whole set up. He said the food is right there.
Ralph said Ronnie is like a retard on the flight. Ralph said Ronnie doesn't sleep. He said he just looks out the window. He said he doesn't do anything else. Howard said he knows. He said Ronnie has nothing with him to keep himself entertained. Ronnie just does his own thing. Ronnie came in and said that they entertain him. Ronnie asked why that bothers Ralph. Ronnie said he has to work in L.A. and he doesn't walk around Craft services every time. He said that he was there every time that they were there. He said he must pack up his bag and take it home. Ronnie said whenever they have to find Ralph he's always there. Howard said Ralph must be eating every minute.
Ralph said that he got Howard's dinner one night that they went out. Howard said that Ralph always waits until everyone else has finished eating. Ronnie said Ralph says he has to nap first and then eat. Ralph said he's sorry but that's what he does. Howard said it's an OCD thing that he does. He said that when he used to come to his house he'd ask them to put the food in the refrigerator until later. Howard said no one else was busting this woman's balls. He said that they were less than an hour from landing and she had to take the food out again. Howard said it will never happen again. He said the party is over. He said if he wants to eat he eats when everyone else eats.
Gary said he heard a story about Ralph. He said he heard that Artie brought a bunch of guys out to lunch and Ralph showed up really late. He said Ralph ordered and took his lunch to go. Ralph said he doesn't remember that. He said maybe the food showed up late and he took it with him. Howard thanked Ralph and let him go after that.
Howard said he has a clip of an announcer from the Kansas City Royals who thinks that the moon is a planet. Howard said you'd think a guy announcing a game would have some intelligence. Howard played the clip and the guy was saying that the FCC has a rule about showing the moon when it's full. Then another announcer says that it's a beautiful planet. The other guy says that it's a moon and the guy says it looks like a planet to him. Howard asked how you miss that. Ronnie asked why they have to sit and talk about that shit. Howard said this guy is adlibbing and he's trying to make conversation. Howard did a live commercial read and then went to break after that.
Howard read the article about the NY radio ratings and how Scott Shannon and Elvis Duran are at the top now. Howard said that's because he's not there. He said they need a good ass kicking. He said sometimes he's tempted to do that and go back just to remind everyone who the top dog is. He said they'd have to play that Godzilla music that Sal has for the ringtone for his wife. Howard played the music and talked about how stations would be shaking.
Robin said there were dinosaur bones found in Argentina and they announced that they think it's the largest ever. She said that they call it a Titanasaur. Robin said they say it weighed up to 100 tons when it was fully grown. Robin said it was roughly 7 stories tall and 130 feet long. Robin said that's amazing.
Howard said he likes that Scott Shannon left WPLJ and he went to another station and now he's number one. He said he went to WABC and he's kicking ass. Howard said he loves that WPLJ kept Todd in the morning and he's losing to Scott.
Howard said he's not sure where Imus is. Gary said he was on ABC for a while. Howard said he doesn't see ABC on the ratings list. Then he found him at number 14 with a 2.8 rating. Howard said when they were on the air they kept Imus around number 28. Gary said Imus is still on WABC. He said that at one time his rating was an asterisk. He said they didn't have enough ratings to give him a number. That's what the asterisk meant. Howard said he remembers that. He said the company he worked for hired him and saved him. He said that pissed him off.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said Beth was just on Good Morning New York and she was talking about how she wants a puppy. She also said Howard is a big crab because of this AGT thing. Howard said he thought he was somewhat pleasant this weekend. He said he was kind of beat though. He said that he works all the time so of course he's a crank. Howard said everyone else seems to be getting along just fine. Robin said Howard chose to work more. Howard said he knows.
Howard said they have 5 kittens they're fostering. He said Beth has a picture of them on her Instagram. Howard said they are the cutest kittens he's ever seen. Robin said there was a video going around the internet this weekend and this cat saves a 4 year old from a dog attacking it. She said it was great.
Mariann said that Beth looked beautiful. She said they've raised almost half the money they need for that shelter they're building. Howard said that should be going up soon. Howard let Mariann go a short time later.
Howard talked to the two guys who were sitting in today. Howard asked where they were from. They were from Chicago. Howard said he's friends with Johnny B out there. Howard said he went to dinner with him. Robin asked when they became friends. Howard said they write each other.
Robin said they found Casey Kasem. Howard said he wasn't on an Indian reservation. He was on vacation. Robin said that he's not even capable of talking. Howard said they did find him though. He said he was pleased to read that. He said the poor guy is old and sick and they're hiding him from his kids. Howard said it's like Weekend at Bernie's at this point.
Howard said this Solange woman made a good career move. Howard said everyone knows who she is now that she beat up Jay Z in an elevator. Howard said that was a great move for her. Howard said he hopes she puts out an album real quick. Robin asked why no one is up in arms over a woman beating a man. Howard said it's just one woman beating up a man.
Howard said Barbara Walters' retirement has been going on for months now. He said that she said that she's not going away though. He said it's time that she goes away. He said she had a big celebration on The View. Howard said supposedly she's gone. Howard said she should not be there today. Howard said if she shows up they should make her get fingered like Benjy.
Robin started her news with a story about a book called Stuff Matters. She said that Howard would like that. Howard said he won't read books. Robin told Howard that the money we use is made of woven cotton. Robin said that's what keeps it from disintegrating. Robin said it used to be made from wood cellulose. Robin said there is concrete that can cure itself. Robin said there is also some stories about nano technology that allows you to bend light in any way that you want. Robin said that it can make you invisible. Howard said he wants that. He said he was invisible in high school but he'd like that again.
Robin read a story about dogs and how they can be 90 percent accurate as sniffing out cancer. Robin said they did a study that found that they're 99 percent accurate by sniffing urine samples. Robin read about how that study was revealed this weekend.
Robin read that the price of gas is going down. Howard interrupted and asked the guys what they do. one of the guys is a jeweler. The other guy is a part owner in a drink company that sells Keifer which is some kind of liquid yogurt drink. Howard said they are a lot of fun. He said he's glad they paid off Rosie. Howard asked how drinkable yogurt is doing better on the stock market than satellite radio is. The one guy said that their stock is at about $15. Sirius is under 4. Howard said he doesn't understand that. The guy said he's basically retired. He said he's only 34 years old.
Howard asked what this guy does all day. He said he thinks up new products and things like that. Howard said he sounds so relaxed about life. The guy said he goes to work once a week. Howard said they should come up with drinkable bread. The guys said that it already exists. Howard said maybe drinkable peanut butter. They said that could work. The guy said his parents actually started the company. He said he started to turn the company around about 12 years ago. He said he and his sister took it over when their dad died. Howard suggested drinkable steak or ham. He said maybe drinkable water in Mexico. He said they'd make a fortune. The guy said they make about $150 million a year. He said the company is called Life Way Foods. Howard said maybe drinkable spaghetti. They laughed. Robin said no one wants to drink that stuff. Howard asked what his cut of the company is. The guy said that they own about 50 percent of the shares and they get a salary. The other guy is married to that guy's sister. Howard said they're doing something right. Howard asked if the guy from Life Way is married. He said he's not yet. He said he is looking to be though.
Robin read a story about how the price of coffee is going up. Robin said there is a coffee bean fungus that's causing the price to go up. Robin said that this ''leaf rust'' is what's causing the problem. Robin said they say that coffee prices could rise dramatically and it could lead to unemployment in a very poor part of the world. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about a student who didn't attend school the entire year. She called in bomb threats to the graduation ceremony to keep her parents from knowing. Robin said that she got arrested for the bomb threats. Robin said now her parents know. She said it shows she really ended an education.
Howard said he read an article about how 1 in 4 people in the world are anti-Semitic. He said that seems low to him though.
Robin read about the Billboard Music Awards and had some clips from the show. Robin had audio of Justin Timberlake accepting an awards. Howard tried playing it but it wasn't the right clip. Howard said he hates that he's so successful. He said he seems like a guy who should be a joke.
Robin said she thinks that she didn't do her thing right. She said that they don't have the Michael Jackson song to play this morning. Howard said he's fine with that. He said the song was horrible. Howard said he's not sure what he's looking at with that hologram. He said he's sick of Michael Jackson and he's dead. He said he doesn't want to see that guy again.
Robin had a clip of Miley Cyrus but it was the wrong clip again. Robin said she's not sure what's going on. Howard said that he'd rather see a Hank the Angry Dwarf hologram. He said he misses that guy. Robin said they should be working on that.
Robin read a story about a woman who heard a song playing at a McDonald's that was ''I Wanna Sex You Up'' and she got upset that her kids heard that. Howard said she should be worrying about the food her kids are eating. Robin said the woman's daughter asked what ''sex you up'' means.
Robin read a story about a congresswoman who is trying to get paid time off for women who have children so they can get time off to get to know their child. Howard said that's great but that can put a business out of business if you have to pay someone not to show up for work. Howard said that's going to fuck people up. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Howard spent a little time talking to the guys who were sitting in. Howard said he sees guys who want off from work to raise their kids. Howard said that's not right. Howard said if the wife is making money that's fine. He said you can't ask your boss to give you 6 months off. He said if you take that time off your job must be really useful.
Robin read about how the first lady of New York City said that she didn't easily transition into motherhood. She had her first kid at 40 and she needed some time away from her child. Howard said he's not sure that's a good thing to admit to your child. Howard said he observes everyone and most of these women are not built for motherhood. Robin asked who is going to have babies then. Howard said that he's not saying he's any better but he didn't tell them to have kids. Howard said there are some shitty mothers out there. He said they're out drinking all day and they're all bullshit artists. He said there are a couple that are good but very few. He said that those kids are all doomed. Howard said that these mothers are very selfish and emotionally unstable. He said it's pathetic. Robin said there are no regulations on people who have kids. Howard said if he were president he'd have a psychological exam that they'd have to take to be a parent. Howard said that 90 percent of them would fail.
Robin said that AT&T is going to attempt to buy DirecTV if the FCC approves it. Robin said she wonders if this will take longer than the merger between XM and Sirius. Howard said something was very afoul in that merger. Howard said there are companies that matter to the world that take less time. Howard said we'll never find out what went on there but he guarantees it had to do with him. Howard said it's very rare that they turn down something like that. Howard said if it's not a true monopoly then they'll approve it.
Robin read a story about the Veteran's Administration. Robin said that they're saying that a number of vets have died waiting for medical care and the president is very angry at this. Robin said they say that he has to get a hold of this and get it taken care of. Robin had some audio of someone speaking out about what's going on. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Robin had some audio of Chuck Schumer talking about how student loans are causing problems with the economy and they should be allowed to refinance at a lower rate.
Howard took a call from Speech Impediment Man who asked if Iron Man or Godzilla would win in a fight. Howard had to think about that. He said that he thinks Iron Man could beat Godzilla. Howard said that Godzilla could toss him around a lot though. Robin said Iron Man has a brain and superior weaponry. Howard said he would pick Godzilla in a fight. Howard said maybe Iron Man if he had a nuclear weapon he could shoot into its mouth.
Robin read about how someone said that democrats are the ones doing the most shootings. Robin said this is Gary Keeney who made that statement this weekend. Robin said he had no evidence. Howard said he makes shit up like Sal does.
Robin read about how scared everyone is about Hillary Clinton running for president and how the republicans are all coming out against her already. She hasn't even said she's going to run. Howard said they're trying go scare her from running. Robin had some audio of Dick Cheney talking about her. Howard said he should be brought up on charges himself for Iraq. Robin had some audio of Karl Rove saying that Clinton could have brain damage from a fall she took a few years ago. Howard said that this all makes republicans look bad. He said she's obviously fine. Howard said Ronald Reagan was fine when he ran and he was even older than she is. Howard said the republican's don't have a good candidate of their own yet. He said they really need to find one.
Robin read a story about Solange and Jay Z's dust up. Robin said that the sisters are going around arm in arm showing that they're fine. Robin said that someone talked to a crisis management person and they think that they should sit down and talk to someone. Howard suggested that they come in there and talk to him. Howard told Gary to call Jay Z and get him in there.
Robin read a story about Disneyland raising their prices. Robin said they raised prices from $92 to $96 for guests 10 and up. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 10:10am.
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Jason said he wants to see him come in with his wife. He said there are guys who claim to rule the roost but then you see them and they don't. He said he'd like to see how he acts around his wife for real. Jason said Stuttering John used to have a relationship like that. He said that he had his wife doing all kinds of things. He said one time his hands were full and he made his wife put down what she had in her hands to tie his shoes for him. Gary said John used to goof on him about what he did with his family too. He said he'd treat his wife like that and then make fun of him for the way he handled his wife and kids.
Gary said he had a strange experience this weekend. He said his son took his wife's car for a drive and that has Howard 100 on it. Gary said he doesn't care about the content of the show but he doesn't want him hearing him talking about his home life. He said his son came home asking if he was that much of a pain in the ass to raise. Gary said that was kind of weird.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that his dad told him the same thing that King was talking about. He said he was that way and then they had kids and now his life is a living hell. The guy said that he thinks he gave her all the power by complimenting her.
Benjy said that he heard that Howard said that at a conference once about not complimenting people too much. He said he heard that from Jackie. Gary said he's not sure about that.
Jon said the point Howard made about King was that he always says ''what my father says'' instead of having his own opinions. Jason said he can't believe they've spent this much time on this. He said it was a throw away thing that he said.
Benjy said he took it as saying that even if you're sincere then you hold it back. Jason said King's thing is border line abusive. He said that he's mentioning hitting girls on the air before. He said that he also tells them not to let girl do certain things.
Gary said David Spade was on a show where he dated Rebecca Romijn and to get her controlled he'd tell her she looked like she gained weight. Gary said he pictures King being like that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he's glad Howard shut King of All Blacks down early today. He said he always says dumb shit like that.
Jon moved on to talk about Captain Janks who was in today to talk about coming out of the closet. Jon said there are still some people who think he may not be gay. Gary said there were a lot of debates going on. He said maybe he has had some interactions and maybe he's not ready to talk about them yet. Benjy said that maybe this is like Richard Lewis admitting he's an alcoholic. Benjy said he felt really sad today but he's not sure if it was over him quitting or the gay thing.
King of All Blacks called in and said that they're missing his whole point. He said Howard agreed with him and he will agree next week. King said the fact is that your father teaches you a lot of things. He said he found out over the years that it's a mistake to be too nice to any woman. He said it's an absolute mistake.
Gary asked if he ever tells his wife she's beautiful. King said he does that all the time. He said that Howard will say bring flowers to her every time. He said Howard knows that's bullshit. He said if he ate steak every day he'd get sick of it. He said that's what happens if you're too nice to a woman. Jason said what Howard was saying is that you have to remember what's going on at home and show some appreciation.
King asked Gary if his wife talks about how hard he works. Gary said he has heard her do it. He said he's heard her talk to her friends about how hard he works when she doesn't know he's listening. Gary said that he knows that doesn't compute with what he wants to hear but that's what she does.
Gary asked King what he was going to say about his wife. King said he could say it's bullshit. He said the fact of the matter is that it's a grave mistake being too nice to a woman. Benjy asked if that's about relationships in general. King said it is. He said that Howard will agree with it tomorrow. King said that Benjy should go home and ask Elisa what the hell that was about today. King said Elisa said today that if things are going the way they are now then she will do what Howard asked her to. He said that Benjy has to be perfect or she's done with him. Jason laughed and pointed out that he just said that Benjy is perfect. King said he thinks he's perfect himself. He said he knows what people are thinking before people even say it. He said next week Howard is going to be up his ass for being too nice to his wife. Gary asked why he knows what people are thinking but no one else can. King said he just can.
Jason said that he thinks that Benjy has Elisa more under his thumb than even King does. Gary said he thinks that something else is going on there. Jon said they'll talk about that after the break.
Ronnie was in and he said they have to understand that this is the way he grew up. He said he talks about his father like he's God. He said this is how he grew up in his house and this is how it was at home. Jon said he had to take a break but he let King say something. King said that Ronnie is a man's man. He said he knows how to keep a woman in check. He said he is observant and he knows when someone is doing a good thing. Gary said King's one true talent is getting them to give a shit about what he thinks. He said at the end of the day who is he anyway? He said he's just a guy that they don't know but he gets them to think about what he has to say. King said that he knows Gary. He said he's embarrassed to be part of the Howard Stern Show. Gary said he is not. Gary said King should be embarrassed to get on a scale. King told him to stop it. Jon had to cut them off and go to break a short time later.
Benjy said he got sad during the Janks segment today. He said he has wanted to lose weight but when they started to do it he got scared. He said the physical act might be painful because he had a colonic and that hurt. He said it's very painful. Benjy said he thinks it's not too safe either. He said that the physical act is gross but it doesn't bother him that much. He said he's not positive he could do it. Gary said he could have walked away. Benjy said he wanted to prove himself.
Jason said that this wasn't a throw away thing on the air. He got up in front of a room full of people and pitched it as an idea at the meeting. Benjy said he did it to be funny at the meeting. He said he believed he could do it until it became real on the show. Gary said Sal came up with a term for the bit. He called it ''Shtick Coma Backfire.'' Benjy said that's fine.
Jon asked about what Elisa agreed to. Benjy said he's not sure she agreed to do anything. Jason said if he quits or fails then she has to do something. Jon said he thought that it was if Benjy doesn't complete the gay thing after failing to lose the weight then she'd have to do it.
Jason said that if Benjy doesn't hit the weight then he doesn't see them following through on any of this. Gary asked if Benjy is in on this. Benjy said he is. He said he's not into the humiliation of the whole thing. Jon said if he does it then he'll be doing great. He said he'll be in better shape and feeling better.
Jason asked if it's possible to lose that much weight in 2 months. Gary said he thinks that it is. He said he lost 35 pounds in 28 days when they did a weight loss challenge on the show once. Benjy said he must have loaded up before the weigh in. Gary said he did load up on Donuts and water before they weighed in.
Jon asked Ronnie about Ralph constantly eating at the AGT tapings. Ronnie said he's always there at the Craft services. He said it's constant. Jason said he's seen Ralph making the rounds back stage. He said he ash a picture of Ralph up on the their social media accounts where Ralph is sleeping and he has a spread of food in front of him.
Jon asked Ronnie what he thinks about Ralph sleeping while everyone else eats. Ronnie said that they will put out a buffet and Howard and Beth eat first. Then the rest of them eat. He said Ralph just plans on doing it when he wants to do it. Gary said he has fallen asleep on a flight on a regular airline and he feels bad asking for food when he wakes up there. They had to take a break after that.
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Benjy said it didn't ring true to him when Janks said that he did it to show the media didn't check their sources. He said today it made more sense that he was fighting back for Howard.
Jason said that Janks has done a lot of calls that weren't really pranks but he would just ask guests on Larry King questions about Howard Stern. He said that Janks was showing how much he was disliked. Gary said he doesn't think it did it expose people but it did expose people. He said he once got through on CBS news as someone from NASA. He said that they obviously don't check their sources.
Jason said one of his favorites was when he called in as a police chief and the guy kept asking questions even after someone said he wasn't the real guy. Gary said there's one where he says that a fire was started by Howard Stern's farts and the anchor asked what that looked like.
The guys were wondering if he's really retiring from the show or just from calls. Gary said he said he's done with the show. They talked about how Janks would run out of things to say and he'd just stay on the line. Gary said he liked it when he'd ask ''How do you like them apples?'' Gary said he thinks that Janks was just tying up a bunch of stuff today by doing what he did.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Janks has given so much to the show and Howard didn't give much of a tribute to him today. Gary said they had him on for an hour and they have talked to him about the calls a lot in the past.
Jason said he wasn't really booked today for his farewell tour. He said he was coming in to talk about being gay. He said it was more about Janks than it was about them. Jon said he got to hear Ride Captain Ride on his way out today too.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he doesn't care about Benjy's weight loss but they do care about seeing his ''bitch cunt'' girlfriend's tits.
Jon let that guy go and took another call from a guy who talked about how great Janks' prank calls were and how he'd call during tragedies a lot. Gary said his favorites were when a truck would overturn and Janks would call in as the guy from Penn DOT and go on and on and then drop in the Howard Stern reference. Jason said that the news people are so desperate to have something on the air that they'll put anyone on. Gary said the pinnacle of that is the guy who called OJ. He said the second the guy says the first three words you know it's fake. He said it just goes on and on and on.
Jason said there was a call during the first World Trade Center bombing and someone called in as someone stuck in the building. He said he's not sure if it was Janks. He said if it's not Janks there will be someone who calls in as a phony caller. Jason said that they have a whole protocol in their office for that kind of stuff.
Jon took a call from Ralph who said he likes going to Craft Service. He said that he does eat healthy most of the time but they also have stuff he doesn't eat. He said it's like a party. He also told Ronnie that he's the one who reported the nonsense on the airplane to Howard. Ronnie said he did not. He said he was asleep. Gary said that Ralph has a comfortability on a plane that other people take 100 days to get to.
Jon also asked Ronnie about how he doesn't bring anything on the plane to keep him busy. Ronnie said he talks to people and he naps. Shuli said he has flown with Ronnie a lot and he knows he doesn't bring much and he does stare out the window a lot.
Ralph asked why he doesn't like to do any of that. Ronnie said he does a lot of thinking and then falls asleep. He said it makes the trip go faster. Benjy said that's like what dogs do all day. He said they can't do much of anything else. Ralph said it's ridiculous that he brought that up at all. Ralph also said that picture Jason has up on the web site was done as a joke. He said he wasn't really asleep.
Jon asked Shuli what he had in the news. Shuli did a quick rundown of what they had coming up today in the news. They wrapped up and ended the show a short time later. They were done around 11:10am.
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Howard started the show talking about how there are some people there who won't say Hey Now if you say it to them. Robin said she thinks it's a guy thing. Howard said Jon Hein wont say it back to him. He said he's said it to him and he just says ''Hey man.'' Howard said he thinks Jon thinks he's above it. He said that Jon hates Burger King and Hey Now. Jon came in and said that it's Howard's thing and not his. He doesn't hate it though. He said it's Howard's line. Howard said that's fair enough. Robin asked if he's looking for a hey Now in return. Howard said he is trying to get it to catch on.
Robin asked if he'd like a Hey Now bumper sticker. Howard said you never put a bumper sticker on your car. He said you have to be really careful about drawing attention to your car. He said that you can have self expression but not on your car. He said you never put political stuff on your car. Robin said she likes the religious stuff on cars.
Howard said he was reading an article about college classes that are based on TV shows. Howard said that can make parents crazy. He said in his senior year he wanted to do an easy class and he found a class about body language. He said that it was the hardest class he ever took. Robin said they call them ''get over classes.'' Howard said that's what Gary calls them too. Howard said the professor goes overboard with the whole thing. He said the class was crazy hard.
Robin said she took an art appreciation course. Howard said Dr. Lou was in the six year med school and he went to school all year long. He said his classes were difficult. Howard said that Lou went to California one summer to UCLA. He said he wanted to find one easy one. He saw that Dr. Demento was teaching a class out there. He said it was the history of rock and the history of jazz. He said it was the most difficult thing ever. He said it was crazy. Howard said Dr. Demento was over compensating for what he was doing.
Howard said this article he was reading has classes about the Twilight Zone, Seinfeld, The Brady Bunch, The Apprentice, soap operas and more. Howard said they even have an ''Exploring Buffy the Vampire Slayer'' at one school. Howard said Jon Hein taught a class about Survivor. Howard said he was a guest lecturer or something like that. Howard said they were asking Jon questions about the show.
Howard asked Jon what they were asking him. Jon said that he guest lectured at North Western university. He said he went to talk about the different tribes and stuff like that. He said it was more of a class about behavior. He said they were asking questions about that and he was just there to talk about TV. Robin said she can't imagine thinking of a question about Survivor.
Howard said they can make any show difficult. He said they could talk about the fruits they ate on Survivor. He said they can make anything tough. Jon said they had a pot in the class so they could vote in class or something. Howard asked if they ever had Jeff Probst visit. Jon said he knows they had a few of the cast from the show there.
Howard said Harvard has asked him to come and talk to the last school. He said he hasn't done that. He wonders what it pays and they say it's an honor to come and speak. Howard said that's not for him. He said he'd rather have a doctorate or something. Howard said they should be able to figure that out.
Howard said those doctorates are kind of empty. He said he probably wouldn't want one. He said Bill Cosby is a doctor because he made a speech at a college once.
Howard said North Western is going down hill of they buy the bullshit Jon Hein is saying. Jon said they over compensate in those classes so you don't just think they're blow off classes.
Howard played a clip of Wolfie asking a guy what he likes that would weird people out. The guy said he likes pussy hair and he's tired of seeing bald pussy. He told Wolfie he had a hot mom and he has pleasured himself thinking about her. Wolfie asked if he had ever peeked at her through the door key hole. The guy said he had and that's normal to him.
Howard said he had a friend who had a hot sister who was like a model. He said he wondered if he was attracted to her. He said he didn't have to worry about that with his own mom. He said she made sure of that. He said he would rather have beat off to his dad. He said he loves his mother but he had no sexual feelings toward her. He said that most of them have regular moms who you don't want to beat off to.
Robin said Jon Hein has a hot mom. Howard said that's right. He said maybe that's why he doesn't beat off. Maybe he was traumatized.
Howard played more of the Wolfie interviews. He had a guy talking about being into dwarf porn. He had a guy making the sound he makes when he has an orgasm. Howard said some poor girl has to hear that. Robin said that guy has never done that with a woman.
Howard played a clip of Evan Stone talking about how he was once stung by a bee on his scrotum while he was having sex. He had some kind of lotion on his balls that had a sweet smell so the bee was attracted to it.
Howard played a clip of a guy talking about how he masturbates about 4 times a day and he's 32 years old. Wolfie asked what he does for a living and the guy says not much. He also revealed that he cums into his right hand.
Howard had a clip of a porn star talking about how she met a guy who wasn't ale to talk to her. Howard said it sounds like it was JD. The porn chick also had a tail on her that was being held on by a butt plug. She laughed in a way that Howard said all porn chicks laugh like. Gary said Medicated Pete was there at the convention so she may have been talking about him. Howard said that dude will creep you out. He said that he just stares at people.
Howard said a lot of porn chicks are nice girls. He said that they have had a lot on the show. Robin said that she's liked every one of them.
Howard played a clip of Wolfie talking about the guy with the 500 DVDs. Wolfie asked who he had met and he was very happy to have met Evan Stone. Wolfie asked what he had in the cart he was dragging. The guy said it was all DVDs he was getting signed. He said he had about 500. Howard said that guy is proud of that. He said that's the thing. He said you should be ashamed. He said you're supposed to be ashamed of your porn collection. Robin said if you get it signed then you're proud of it. Howard said there is no shame anymore.
Wolfie asked Sabrina Banks if she likes a guy to have a big load. She said she does. Wolfie asked if a guy has ever done anything to her that she didn't expect. She said she had a guy ram a finger up her butt hole without letting her know.
Howard said that sounds like Benjy. He asked how he's doing with the diet. Benjy said he's doing okay. He said he went to dinner and had a hot cup of water with some bullion. Howard said he has to lose 37 pounds by July 21st. Howard said if he sticks with the bullion he'll be very thin. Howard said his buddy Pat is willing to help him out if he needs it. He said he wanted to help keep him from getting fingered in the ass. Benjy thought he meant that he wanted to do the fingering. Howard said that's not it. He wants to help with the weight loss.
Howard said Gay Rich is considering the fingering thing. Benjy said that this is bigger than he thought it was. He said he heard Gary on the phone with Rich and thought he was talking to Entertainment Tonight or something.
Gary said he told rich he'd have to kiss Benjy. He said Rich wrote back ''Ugh'' when he heard that. He said he had to think about it. He needed a day to think about it.
Howard said that Benjy came in and said he wants a man to rape him if he doesn't lose 40 pounds in two months. Howard said it's 62 days until Benjy gets anally fisted. Howard said Gay Rich didn't even want him. He said he must not look like Bradley Cooper like he thinks he does. Howard said the hardest part of the bit should be getting Benjy to agree to it. It turns out it's not. He said the hard part is getting someone to do the fingering.
Howard said he got a lot of email about Captain Janks and how they think he just wanted to get booked on the show. Howard said that's a long way to go for that. Howard said it seems that Janks hasn't even had gay thoughts. He said he hasn't had gay sex according to what he said yesterday. Howard said Benjy isn't gay but he's going to get a finger up his ass if he doesn't lose this weight.
Howard played another Wolfie clip where he spoke to Teagan Presley about her worst scene ever. She said she tore the skin between her vagina and ass. She said she had to take a lot of valium to get over that. Wolfie asked her what she doesn't like to do. She said she doesn't want to do a milk enema like some of the girls are doing these days. She said she doesn't want milk in her ''b-hole.''
Howard said he must have matured. He said a lot of this stuff is vile to him. He said that he really isn't into that stuff. He said he has done a wild show over the years but he's really not into that stuff. He said he just wants to get it over with and he doesn't need all of that extra stuff.
Howard said Wolfie went to another convention. He said it's got Star Wars, Star Trek and other fans. He said it's called Amaze-a-Con. Howard said it's really Douche-a-con. Howard played a clip of Wolfie talking to a guy who was part of some Dragon Jedi something group. Howard said he thinks the guy is just making that up as he goes along. Howard wondered if he has ever won a fight in his life. Robin said the only thing he can fight with is light. Wolfie asked what his Jedi name is. It was something like Maxan Farlance. Howard said that's the name you pull out of some Star Wars book or something. Howard said his parents must sit at home and cry. Howard said it's just so horrible. He said you don't imagine your kid growing up to be part of some Jedi group. Howard said it's only cool to dress up like a Jedi if you're really a Jedi.
Wolfie asked if that was the worst convention he had ever been to. The guy said yes. He said the rest of them had all been better. Howard said he likes that you can hear a baby crying in the background of that one.
Howard played another clip of Wolfie talking to a guy dressed up in a Power Rangers bad guy. He had a mask on so Howard did his impression of that guy talking into the mask. The guy was talking about why he dressed up as that character. He said that he wanted to stick out.
Howard said that Wolfie asked a guy who the biggest jerk was at the convention. Howard played the clip and the guy said William Shatner was the biggest jerk. He said someone asked him a question about the development of Captain Kirk and Shatner said that was a very dumb question. He said that he felt that was out of line. Howard said he loves that it's always Shatner. He said he hates these people. He said that he has complete disdain for them.
Howard said he has something called Sneaker-con too. He played some interviews that Wolfie did with people at that convention. One guy said he has spent probably $60,000 or more on sneakers. Another guy told Wolfie how he would steal sneakers from someone. Howard played another one who said he doesn't care if sneakers are made by kids or slave labor.
Howard said his parents were all worked up over sneakers. He said he was talking to them the other day about that. He did his impression of his mom telling him the story. He said they went to the yogurt shop and they saw a long line coming out of a sneaker shop. He said his mom told him his dad asked what they were on line for. They were there for sneakers. They asked how much the sneakers were. He said his mom said they were like $150. He said his dad said maybe he can get a discount. Howard said they were telling him this story and they were all proud that they were interacting with the people. Howard said his parents told his trainer Pat about the same thing. He said that's what their life is like now. He said the fact that they interacted with the line. He said now that's their big story of the week. He said getting old is a bitch.
Howard said that he didn't even understand the story. He said they were really charged up though. He said his friend Pat was telling him they were on fire about the sneakers. Howard said he knew because he heard the story too. He said they were telling everyone about the sneakers. Howard did his impression of his mom and dad talking to him about that. He said they must feel like they accomplished something. He said it's really weird. Howard said they saw people on line for sneakers but he wonders what the hook of the story is.
Howard said his parents used to humiliate him as a child if he told a story that went nowhere. He said you had to tell a great story or they'd humiliate you. He said there was no room for nonsense. He said there was no room for a 9 year old to tell a bad story. He said he should yell at them and say their story is shit. He said he wants to tell them that they're so stuck in the past.
Howard said Pat tried talking to his parents about why someone would wait in line for sneakers. He said he made sense to them but he ruined the story for them. Howard said his mother always had something for sneakers. He said she hated them. Howard said he had to wear penny loafers. He said everyone was wearing sneakers but him. He said he had sneakers but they were the cheap Converse sneakers. He said his mom thought they looked like rags on his feet. He said she really hated them. Howard said they were just sneakers though. He said she always had it in for sneakers.
Howard said he's not sure what goes on with Gary's weight. He said he runs a lot but he's still got some heft to him. Howard said he has very thick lips, hair and teeth too. King said he has a unibrow too. He said he would have a field day with Gary if he could do a makeover on him. He said he would love that.
King said Gary is always in a t-shirt. Gary said he hasn't worn one to work in 2 years. Howard said he hears about what he wears to the writer's meeting and it's not that great. He said that he's casual Gary. He said he should never be seen like that in that building. Howard said that Gary is upstairs and he should dress better there.
King said he would put Gary in something nicer. He said he'd have him in some Dockers slacks and Polo shirts. He said that he should look better at work. King said he would fix Gary up. He said he'd shave his beard down too. Howard said he has too much facial hair. King was laughing at that and goofing on Gary about that. King said it looks like he has been doing chin ups in ink.
Gary said that Howard was the one who told him to grow hair on his face. Howard said that he doesn't need to grow it all out. Gary said he does trim it. Howard said he needs to take it down a bit. King said if he did that he'd see a lot of hair on the floor of the barber shop.
Howard said that's enough of that. King asked if he likes that thick moustache like Eddie Murphy likes. Howard said Gary doesn't know what he's doing. King said he loves Gary. Howard said King and Gary went at it yesterday on the Wrap Up Show. He said they really get into it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's been single for awhile now and he met a girl who is really hot. He said she used to be a big girl. He said that he can't tell her that he'll dump her if she gets fat again but he wonders what he should do. Howard said that most of these women can't keep it together. Howard said they usually balloon back up. Howard said it's very difficult. Howard said he knows what the guy is saying. He said he should hang out with her and maybe get out if she puts the weight back on. Robin said you don't say you're leaving if you gain weight. Howard said that some guys get divorced and they get in shape. Then they get a girlfriend and balloon back out. Howard said that chances are that she's going to be 200 plus. Howard said she may be even bigger than she was before. Howard said some women keep it off until they get a guy so they can chow down again.
The caller said that's bumming him out. Howard said he's just keeping it real. The caller asked if he can tell her that he'd like her to keep it that way. Howard said she'll get even fatter if you do that. Robin said women are trying to figure out if you really love them. She said if you care about the weight then you don't really love ''me''. Howard said he has an issue there. He said if she gains a few then he should just leave.
Howard said no one has such a great personality that you don't care when they get to 300 pounds. He said he knows it sounds cruel but that's the way it is. Robin said she heard a story about a guy who lost his wife and the person he was talking to had never seen her before. Robin said he wasn't able to get over her. Then he took out pictures and the woman was 300 pounds. Howard said he was probably no beauty either. Howard said there are guys who dig fat chicks. He doesn't know anything. He said that's just the way it is. He said a lot of guys love their wives more after they die. Howard said he has had relatives who hated their husbands and then the guy dies and they say he was a saint. Howard said he had to take a break after that.
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Fred said he has an old hit from the 60s called Summer Rain that sounds very similar too. Howard said maybe Randy California ripped that off and then Zeppelin took it from him. Robin said this happens all the time in music. Howard said some people do rip off songs but he'd rule in favor of Led Zeppelin. Howard said Randy California could have sued all those years before. He said he's pretty sure why he didn't. Howard said that America's judge has spoken.
Howard said he has a final meeting on the Birthday Bash thing and they'll have it up this summer. He said he thinks in June they'll have it available. He said it should be very soon. Howard said it's not as simple as just putting it up. He said it's an HD thing that's 4 hours long and they don't want it to crash. He said Sirius is putting it on so they want to do it right. Howard said he has to finish his end of it and then they'll take it over. Howard said he'll have it on HowardStern.com and on SiriusXM.com. Howard said that this is for the fans and it's his gift to them. Howard said he knows everyone will enjoy it.
Howard said he has some exciting programming happening on Howard 101. On Friday at 10pm they have a roast of Corey Taylor. They have Craig Gass, Jim Florentine, Don Jamieson and Sebastian Bach hosting it. Howard said that will be on Friday at 10. On Tuesday night it's the return of Celebrity Super Fan Roundtable with Natalie Maines and Jeff Probst. They have Molly Shannon, Kevin Nealon, Andy Richter, Ike Barinholtz and others who will be on the show. Howard said that he thanks everyone for doing that show.
Robin said that the guys from Led Zeppelin are looking quite different. Robin said that she just saw Axl Rose recently and he looks a lot different. Robin said they were all on a list of celebrities who are aging badly.
Howard said yesterday he played a phony phone call Neil Patrick Harris made to Riley Martin. Howard said Neil made a few calls with Sal and Richard. Howard said today he has another call that Neil made back to Riley. Howard said Neil is a telemarketer asking Riley for certain information. He said Riley sounds a bit under the weather in this. Howard played the call and Riley picks up and slurs through his words trying to speak to Neil. Neil asked him for some information and Riley somehow got in a plug for his web site. Neil kept asking him to repeat what he was saying. They went to break after that.
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Howard said Sal has a list of creepy Craigslist ads. Howard read through some of those. Howard had one of a person who was looking to give some exams of throat and prostate. Howard said that he prefers to examine uncircumcised penises too. Howard said he likes examining Asian patients as well. Howard said this guy also takes semen samples that usually come out during the anal exam. Robin said he must be very busy.
Howard read another one where a guy asks to sniff and lick a woman's crotch. He says it's a bonus if the woman is having her period. Howard said that's something.
Howard said it's mostly guys with those weird fetishes. Howard said that he'd like to know what happened to these guys that leads to them being so perverse. Howard said he was never into sniffing and licking a crotch. Howard said he doesn't want to play doctor or anything.
Howard read another one where the guy was saying he wants to lick spit up and drink piss from another guy or his own piss. The guy was asking other guys to do a lot of things to him. Howard said it sounds like a lot of work if you're with this guy. Howard read more of the ad and it goes on and on with the creepy stuff the guy wants done to him.
Howard said he has another one. He said Sal thinks they read some of that one already. Howard read another one where a guy talks about wanting to be with a woman who is pregnant. He talked about how he had fucked a pregnant woman when he was younger so that's why he likes to do it now.
Howard had another one where this guy was looking to have someone jizz in a cup and save it and then make him drink it days later after it's been frozen. Howard said he was going to throw up after reading that one.
Howard read one where this guy talks about how he likes licking assholes no matter how smelly. Howard said guys are all charged up. Robin said they know exactly what they want.
Howard said that they made a phony phone call with that other list that he read earlier. Howard played the call the guys made using clips of him reading that list of things the guy was looking to have done to him. Everything ended with ''sir.''
Howard had another one where this guy says he's an ass worshiper. Howard said these guys are all charged up in a weird way. Howard said that they could write to these guys. That guy writes that he will go into an ass no matter how dirty. He said it's disrespectful to ask them to clean it first. The guy said he won't pleasure himself while eating ass either. Howard said he would love to find out Robin wrote that. Howard said that the guy was talking about how he'd take the place of toilet paper. He also said that he'll keep worshiping no matter how long. That ad went on and on. The guy said that a man's ass is not gay. Howard said this guy sounds gay though.
Gonzo said that Eric doesn't want to do the contest they were going to do. Gonzo said that he's taking food out of his mouth. Gary said they've already moved on from that and it won't be happening. He said that they're lining up another group.
Howard said Eric refuses to accept that every show he's on gets canceled. Howard said that the show Legit was just canceled after Eric was on. He said if you tell him that then he freaks out about it.
Gonzo said that Eric wants Johnny to make someone swim with the fishes. He said that he got upset with the guy and told Johnny to make that happen.
Howard said he thinks Eric is all shook up over Legit getting canceled. Howard played a song parody about Eric killing TV shows that he goes on. He had a second song and said that was by Eli Braden. Howard said the songs are making Eric nuts.
Gonzo said Eric is going crazy. He said that there are a lot of Gonzo accounts that people are making to make Eric even more nuts.
Howard took a call from a guy, Matt, who said that a few months ago he was contacted by Eric to make him a web site. He said he agreed to do it for free but he's been getting harassed by Eric since he made it. He said nothing is ever good enough for him. He said he's the one who Eric put the hit out on. He said he's not sure if he has to worry about it. Howard said he doesn't think so. Gonzo said that Eric thinks that he and Matt are the same guy but now maybe he'll hear that they're not.
Howard played a bit they did where they talk about Eric getting shows canceled. Howard said he loves that. He let Gonzo and Matt go after that. He said he'll send Eric their regards if he hears from Eric.
Howard said he's sorry Matt had a threat put out on his life. Howard said the guy gave Eric a free web site and now Eric is after him. Howard said he loves that.
Howard had Eric on the line a few seconds later. Howard said that guy Matt made him a free web site. Eric said it's a stupid, shitty web site. He said they just poke fun at him. He said that it's a negative web site. He said Matt claims it's not but it is. Eric said he did it all on his own and he never asked him to do it. Howard said there's always two sides to the story.
Howard asked Eric what's up with the killing of shows. Eric asked what's wrong with him. He said he has to tell him every time. He said he was on shows that lasted two whole seasons after he was on it. Howard said they just assume that he goes on and it's bad. Eric said Fringe was on for two seasons after. He said In Plain Sight had already decided it was the last season before he was even on it. He said it wasn't canceled because of him.
Howard asked what's up with the Selfies and why he won't take one. Eric said he's not into that whole thing. Howard asked if he'd let someone else take a picture. Eric said he's not interested. Howard asked what's up with that. Eric said part of it is because he woke him up. Howard said he just wanted him to take a few pictures of himself.
Eric said they owe him an apology. He said he sent Gary the proof that he hasn't tweeted about anything since April 8th. He said that they claimed he was going off on people on Twitter. He said his last tweet was on April 8th to Jerry O'Connell. Howard said maybe it's not Eric. He said it seems like it's him. Eric said it's not him. Eric said he has retired from tweeting publicly. He said no one can get him out of it. He said he hasn't written anything since April 8th. He said he only does private tweets. Howard said he's got it.
Eric said if they followed him then he could direct message them. Howard said he's not looking for that. He said he likes to just follow people he wants to learn from. He's not looking to have a conversation. Eric said he's not going to be calling in much so he could give him updates like that. Howard said he's not interested in doing that. He let Eric go a short time later.
Howard said that someone wrote in about Janks saying it makes no sense. There were people saying that he's never had a gay experience and he's just wasting the listener's time. Howard said that some people think it's a prank and he has duped them all. Howard said that someone suggested they make him a Rear Admiral.
Howard said some people sent in song parodies about Janks. He had one from Psyche that he played. Howard said he got a lot of other song parodies. He had a Baba Booey song parody by Matthew Travino. Howard said Zachary Meciar wrote a song parody about him to the tune of Old Man. Howard got a laugh out of that one.
Howard said JD pulled a bunch of things for them to talk about. Howard said there's a cab driver who has a swastika band on his arm. Howard said he claims he's a national socialist and he's black. He said the guy is confused. Howard said this guy says that he protects his race and he'd get rid of other races. He said he was on the news and he's fascinating to listen to. He said he probably has the IQ of Bobo. Howard played the clip and the guy was talking about how he has the freedom to express what he is. He said he's a national socialist. He said he's not a Nazi. Howard said this was on the local CBS station news.
Howard played more of the guy talking about Hitler and how he found out things about him that made sense to him. He said he wants to believe what he read about him and how he wasn't that bad of a guy. Howard said the guy is all over the place. He played another clip where the guy was talking about how everyone runs around waving gay flags and things and he wants to be able to wear what he wants to.
Howard asked Robin if she would take that cab if it was raining out. Robin said if she had no choice she might do that. Howard played another clip of the guy talking about how he doesn't hate Jews but he's critical of them. He said that he's not anti-Semitic. In another clip he said it pains him that he has to apologize. He said that he thinks if he has to apologize then gay people should have to as well.
Howard said they have to get a hold of that guy to interview him. Howard said he heard that they suspended his license for 30 days so he will stop wearing the swastika for now.
Mariann said Howard has been in the commercials but that caller a few weeks ago said he wasn't. Howard said he had to ask NBC to take a commercial off that was horrible. He said he read the script and it was the worst thing he ever read. He said he would have vomited if he had to be in it. He said he told NBC and they were very sweet about it. He said they said they had another idea for a commercial and he was like ''Uh oh...'' He said they had one where he'd talk about The Voice and the people from The Voice would talk about AGT. Howard said he went and did that and talked about The Voice and AGT. He said that he got a note back saying that wasn't going to air. He said they're driving him nuts. He said some of this stuff could be career ending. He said he likes the judging but not this other stuff.
Mariann said Howard is taking notes while the other judges are playing with their phones. Robin said they have a different process. Howard said he hates to say this but he's the lead judge. Howard asked if she gets that. Mariann said yes. Howard said the other judges look to him for guidance. He said he's not busy with nonsense. Mariann said Howard really spends his time taking notes and all of that. Mariann asked if she can do a commercial with him. Howard said we'll see. He hung up on her after that.
Howard said that the real deal is that the talent is very good this year. He said it's off the chart. He said he's watched every season and it's very good. Robin said she has been to two shows and she hasn't been blown away. Howard said they tape thousands of acts. Robin said she's not sure why she keeps seeing the clunkers.
Howard asked Robin if she loves him or hates him. He said she has seen many good acts. Howard said he remembers her looking at him and saying ''Wow'' when she saw some of the acts. Robin said she hasn't seen any good acts. Howard said he knows Robin saw some good ones. Robin said she's trying to remember now. She said that must be from a past season. Howard said he's talking about this season. Robin said there was one magic act she thought was good. Howard said he hasn't seen better talent. He said it's good.
Howard read an email from a guy who asked if he would interview Bob Seger. Howard said of course he would. He said he's not a huge fan but he did play his records at just about every station he was at. Howard said they used to open every show in Hartford with Bob Seger. Howard said they used to have a program director that would open up with Katmandu all the time. He said the guy would lecture them all the time about doing things a certain way but he would do things differently. He said the guy would end the show on the same song as well. He said that job was a nightmare. He said he deserves all the success he has and then some. Howard said this didn't happen over night. He said his whole life was a nightmare.
Howard said that program director was a good dude up in Hartford. He said the guy they worked for was a real ball buster. He said there were times he should have jumped out a window. He said he just kept going though. He said he should really just retire. He said he's finally in a nice place and he wants to enjoy it. He said all of the hard work was worth it when he gets to this point.
Robin read that they cut away from Shakira in the Billboard awards. Robin said they heard she kept grabbing her boob and massaging it. Robin said it was very lacy and they were afraid they were going to see nip. Howard said he has a reason to watch now. He said he'd like to see Shakira massage her boob.
Howard said he's not sure why anyone on regular TV would do that. He said we can go online and watch porn for free. He said rubbing that boob on network TV is meaningless. Howard said he's not sure why the networks care.
Howard took a call from Bobo who asked if he's ever gotten emotionally attached to a guest he's had in the studio. Howard asked if he wrote that down. Bobo said he did. He said some days he talks off the cuff. Howard asked when he wrote that one down. Bobo said it was probably a year ago. Howard asked why he waited a year. Bobo said he had other pending questions. Howard said he has a whole book of questions. He said if he doesn't ask one then he can review them and ask another one.
Bobo said he worked on a list of the top 20 callers to the show with Wolfie. Howard said he's wondering what questions he passed on today. Bobo said he did have a back up question. Bobo asked if has ever been to a party where it came down to a physical confrontation. Howard said he was on a plane with Kathie Lee and Frank Gifford once and he thought Frank was going to beat the shit out of him on the plane. He said he remembers telling Robin about that and how Frank is like 30 years older than him so it would be humiliating. Howard said it was a no win situation. Howard said Frank was a gentleman and he didn't beat him up.
Howard said Kathie Lee was actually up there the other day and stopped by his office to say hello. Howard said he asked how the family was and she said ''Oh, now you care!''
Howard said he ran into Scott Shannon a few years ago and he didn't appear very friendly. He said that he looked like he wanted to kill him. Howard said maybe he just wasn't a friendly guy. Howard said Carlos Santana once gave him a dirty look. He said he's not sure what that was about. He said he could have been wrong about that too. He said no one ever said anything to him. He said he's never been in a physical altercation. Howard said Scott Muni chased him down a hall once. He said that guy didn't like him. He said Scott was the guy before he came along Howard said once he came along you had to do a lot more in radio. He said they thought he was ruining it for the rest of them.
Gary told Howard about talking to Jim Kerr about those days in radio and how things got tough for them when Howard came along. Howard said that they had to step up their games. He said that they had to come up with something more than just saying good morning.
Howard asked Bobo if he's happy with that answer. Bobo said he was. Howard said he rarely has confrontations with people. Bobo mentioned James Garner. Howard said there are people who don't like him but it's never led to a confrontation. Gary said there have been threats but nothing has ever happened.
Howard asked what the other question was. Bobo asked about the emotional attachment thing. Gary asked what he thinks emotionally attached means. Bobo asked if he ever got close to someone and he gets upset. Howard said he hasn't been emotionally attached. He said he has had sex with some. He said that was when he was single. He said he met some nice people. Howard said he likes the guests but he doesn't get attached. Howard said he's barely emotionally attached to the people in his life so how is he going to get attached to any guest? Howard asked Robin if she has gotten attached. Robin said she's confused by Bobo's question. She said she's not sure he even knows what he meant.
Howard played some audio of Tan Mom going off on MILF Mom after the tanning of her kid thing came up. They had to hold her back from beating the shit out of MILF Mom.
Howard said there's going to be more than Ronnie in the studio when they come in. Howard said that it didn't look fake to him at all. He said they were really going at it.
Howard said people are still writing in about Gary's tooth flying out. He said someone thought that the dinosaur bones they found was actually Gary's tooth.
Howard said he read about someone who had 20 teeth removed. Howard said that if Gary had to do that it would look like when the twin towers crumbled. Howard said they would have had to have roped off the area. Robin said they'd need protective masks and all of that.
Howard said people wrote in about Ronnie not bringing anything on the plane with him. He said Ronnie has never brought anything to entertain himself. Howard said he doesn't know if that's a good thing or not. Robin said he's never bored. Howard wondered what his inner dialog could be. He said other than ''lets fuck some whores'' he can't imagine what's going on in that head. Howard did Ronnie's inner monologue and he just kept talking about whores and topless and things like that. Then Fred started playing clips of Ronnie with Howard in echo so it sounded like what was in Ronnie's brain. He had him saying a bunch of random things. There was a lot of ''Uhm...'' and other various clips of Ronnie. He had Ronnie laughing at himself and talking about Mambo.
Howard threw in some lines of his own too.
Howard said Ronnie sleeps a lot on the plane. He said that might be the best way to sleep. If you don't have any distractions then you can sleep.
Fred played the airplane background noise again and had Ronnie talking about being Scoresman. Howard got out of Ronnie's head after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who brought up the Leiberman Live show. Howard said it's a 15 minute show that's on daily. He said that Jon has various wack packers on the show. The caller yelled at his dog when he said it dropped trau and started to shit. He said he had to get the dog out of the car. Howard said he's probably not walking him enough. Howard told him to get off the phone. Robin said she likes the way he talks to the dog like it's human. Howard went to break after that.
Howard asked JD if he's prepared at all. He said he doesn't think JD has any desire to be a director. JD came in and said that he's leaving next week to do it. He said he has seen the script. He said it's funny. JD said he's more focused on just the scene he's working on. Howard asked if Danny DeVito is in his scene. JD said he is. Howard asked if he's going to call him Mr. DeVito. JD said he hasn't thought about that. Howard said he should ask what's right. Howard asked who else is in the scene. JD said he's not sure she should say. Howard told him to just say it. JD said it's the whole cast and some girls. He said it's sort of a group date. He said he has it visualized in his head. He said he has blocked it up to a point. He said he doesn't know the full set. JD said he made a suggestion with some dialog. Robin said she can't wait to see him on set directing this.
Howard asked JD if he's ever been on a date. JD said he has. Howard asked where he has gone on a date. JD said it doesn't happen often but he has. He said he'll have drinks or food somewhere. He said he thinks it'll be alright.
Howard said he thinks JD doesn't want to be a director. He said he was thinking about how Howard TV was there for years. He said he could have used those guys at any time. He said he never once did it. JD said he knows. He said that's Howard's opinion. He said he thinks he's wrong. Howard said he had all of those resources right there. Howard said they were there for years. Howard said he could have used their TV facility. Howard said he didn't see him lift a finger. JD said he knows. He tried to say something about it but he made some sounds and said something about hating something. Howard said that he should have done something with the TV crew. JD said he has thought of things to do but none of them were complete. He said he knows how it could be made fun of and he isn't looking for that.
JD said he did that movie for the Howard Stern film festival. Howard said it was horrible. JD said he thought it was decent. Howard said when you want something you just go out and get it. JD said he knows. Robin asked if he thinks he can make something and not have anyone comment on it. JD said he doesn't know.
Howard said his real passion is chasing girls on Twitter. He said if he had a passion for film he'd be shooting stuff all the time. Robin asked if he has a camera. JD said he does. He said he got it when he worked with Artie. He said it's a little hand held that he used. Robin said Artie gave him a shot at being a videographer. JD said they used that stuff. He said it didn't get much of anything. Howard said it seems like too much of a chore for JD... just like walking is.
Howard said they're going to teach JD a lot of things out there in L.A. He said he just needs the passion to keep doing it. Howard said that JD should dress nice and look professional. He said he should shave down and don't wear what he's wearing today. He said he looks like he's wearing farm pants. He said he's going to be directing Danny DeVito so he should dress the part. He said he has to go in there and exude confidence. Howard said it's fucking crazy that he's going in there to do that. He said he has to make himself proud and make him proud too.
Howard asked if Jon is going out there to cover it. Gary said they have someone covering it so they're covered. Howard asked JD how he's going to direct. JD gave him a few lines about how he'll direct. Howard played Danny DeVito and asked who the fuck he is. JD gave him some direction. Howard asked what his credentials are. JD said he directed a short film about a limo driver. Howard asked what he does for a living. JD said he's a media editor for the Howard Stern Show. Howard said he must make a good living because he doesn't look hungry.
Howard wished JD luck. Robin said she wants to hear him direct more. Howard let him go though.
Howard said Kendall is gorgeous looking and she may not be able to read. He said she should be able to get up and read being a model. Howard said he's not sure why people are obsessed with Kim Kardashian. He said he doesn't spend a minute thinking about her. Howard said as far as the young sister goes she will probably be famous. Howard said this country loves good looking people and she is one.
Howard said he's not thrilled with people who are famous just for being famous. He said in this country they reward people for being idiots though.
Howard took a call from Nuzzy who was on AGT. Howard said he has a hologram company that does the stuff like they did with Michael Jackson. Howard asked Nuzzy what they saw on the Billboard Awards. Nuzzy said that they saw a computer generated Michael Jackson. Robin said that's what she was saying yesterday. Howard asked Nuzzy what it means though. He said when he sees them is it a compilation of videos and creating a performance or are they computer generating a performance.
Nuzzy said that the Tupac thing was a body double with a computer generated head and face. He said the Michael Jackson thing was the same technology to get it on the stage. He said it looked like it was completely animated to him.
Howard said that Nuzzy was on AGT and he brought out a Michael Jackson impersonator when he said he was bringing back Michael Jackson. Howard said he hit the buzzer on him. Nuzzy said that kid who was singing is Michael Jackson's son according to the DNA tests. Howard told him to stop it.
Nuzzy asked if Howard gets what he was saying about the hologram thing. Howard said he thinks he does. Nuzzy said they can do that with anyone. He said they could fly Eric with Balloons and bring Hank back too. Howard said he doesn't care about the 3D hologram thing. Robin said that the Hologram of Michael looked too perfect. She said she wanted his nose to be falling off. Howard said he didn't care because he didn't watch him when he was alive.
Nuzzy said that he could do a teleporting thing where he sends a guest into the studio in a hologram. Howard said he'd be into that but only if he had it out of his phone. He said he'd rather not deal with Nuzzy. Howard said that everyone was so excited to have that on AGT but then he didn't know what the hell he was looking at.
Howard had another one called ''Clumsy Wumsy'' which was about how she broke her toes and almost drown. Howard said that he has one called ''CUNT'' to the tune of YMCA by Matt Evans.
Howard said that it was time for Robin's news after that. Robin started her news with a story about Pam Anderson who revealed that she was sexually abused from the age of 6. Robin said that a female babysitter molested her. Then she was raped at 12 by a 25 year old man. Robin said she also revealed that she had a bunch of boys gang rape her when she was a little older. Robin said she has never shared these secrets. Robin said she shared the story with a bunch of guests. Howard said he thinks that she did talk about a lot of that stuff on the show. Benjy said that he thinks she did too. Robin said she doesn't recall it. Gary said that he thinks she did talk about molestation. He said they're looking it up now. Howard said he remembers something about it. Gary said that Jason just read from the logs that she was raped at 12 and that was in 1999. Howard said she has talked about it before then. Howard said it sounded vaguely familiar to him. He said he knows it's making news now but they spoke to her a long time ago about it. Robin said she doesn't remember that kind of detail. Robin said she usually remembers stuff like that.
Robin asked if Howard is getting excited about the new Star Wars movie. Howard said no. He said he will see it though. He said he doesn't care about the release date or anything. Robin said that they had a poll about who people are excited about seeing. Robin said the actor generating excitement is Harrison Ford. Robin said people are looking forward to seeing Han Solo again. Howard said JJ Abrams is a great thinker. He said he dreams up these new takes on movies. Howard said he's using Harrison Ford, Carrie Fisher and other people like Mark Hamill. Howard said he wonders how he's going to work them into the story. Howard said he asked JJ about that when he saw him at Jimmy Kimmel's house and he can't remember anything. He said he zoned right out. Howard said he may have told him secret stuff.
Howard said Carly Simon was in there and told him who she wrote You're So Vain about. He said she told him and he can't remember what she said. He said she told him 3 names and he thinks one of them was Warren Beatty. He said the other two he can't remember. He said he's not even sure if Warren Beatty was one.
Robin read a story about a poll done about religion and they found that people may not be as religious as we think. Robin said he saw this guy with a squished in head and he had a huge audience. Fred said that's Joel Osteen. Howard said the guy couldn't be a bigger bore, bullshit artist. Howard said that's some racket he has. He said it's a room full of dupes. Howard said he looks like a Dana Carvey character. Howard asked if that doesn't bother anyone. Robin said it bothers her plenty.
Robin said David Brenner died recently and then they had this memorial service. She said she didn't hear about it until the day of. She would have attended if she knew about it. Howard said they hadn't been in touch with David for so long. Robin said they reached out at the last minute. Howard said he's glad they didn't reach out to him. He said he hadn't been in touch for so long and he'd feel hypocritical going. Robin said she wouldn't. Howard said he did love David. He said he felt bad. Robin read that David left most of his money to his three kids. He also left some to Kenneth Cole the fashion designer. Robin said he left him half a million dollars.
Robin said that Donald Sterling is asking for more time from the NBA owners. Robin said they could vote to make him terminate his ownership of the team. Robin said he doesn't want to do that but they can force him to sell. Howard did a live commercial read and then went to break.
After the break, around 9:30am, we heard a bit about Robin and her huge tits. We also heard a sex tip from JD Harmeyer. Fred also played Lorde's ''Royals'' mixed in with Little Mikey's ''Hooters'' parody of that song.
Howard came back and took a call from a guy who asked Robin if she has ever masturbated to Howard. Robin said no. Howard said he thinks she's lying. Robin said she would tell him if she had. She said she has no reason to do that. Howard said he thinks she has. He said he thinks she's very into him. Robin said she loves Howard more than words can say but she has not. Robin said she hasn't even masturbated to John Stamos. Howard said he finds that hard to believe. He asked if she ever did it to Tom Chiusano. Robin said no to that one too.
Robin said she did have a crazy dream about Howard. Robin said she was hard pressed to decide what it meant. Robin said Howard meets Robert De Niro and they two of them fall in love with each other but not in a homosexual way. Robin said that Howard loved him and De Niro couldn't get enough of Howard. Howard said they ran into each other once and De Niro looked at him like ''Oh no!'' and looked like he wanted to run away. Robin said her dream was amazing. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about women who are in love with catholic priests wanting the pope to change the marriage rules. Robin said that 26 women wrote this letter to the pope asking him to do something for them. Robin said the Vatican has not responded. Howard said priests used to be married. He said the idea of celibacy came along later. Howard said the pope used to have a girlfriend so that's a sign of normalcy. He said there's no reason for priests to be celibate. Robin said there's no reason for priests. Howard said that they might have less child molesters in there if they did that. Howard said he can't imagine what priest groupies look like. Robin said she's never seen one but she'd love to meet one. Howard said he guarantees none of them look like Charlize Theron.
Robin read a story about men who have problems with their sperm living shorter lives. Robin read the details of that study and said that people with sperm production problems lived shorter lives.
Robin read about how gum disease can lead to heart disease. Howard said he knows young people who don't brush their teeth. He said they stink to high heaven. Howard said he uses toothpicks all the time. He said that's what people should be using when they're not brushing. He said they're called The Doctors Brush Picks. He said you have to do this. Robin read more about the gum disease and heart disease link.
Howard said he knows people who have the worst breath. He said that there are people who complain about other people's breath and they have the worst breath themselves. Howard said chewing gum and sucking on candy doesn't help. He said you have to get in there and brush well.
Robin read about how meth is growing in popularity in Asia. Howard asked why anyone would want to be on methamphetamine. He said that he'd rather be on a sedative. Howard said meth gets you hopped up. He said none of the people who are on that stuff look good. Robin said they lose their teeth. Howard said they look like monsters. Howard said he had a friend who was a speed freak and he would pull out clumps of his hair while he was driving. Howard said he was a mess. He was only in his 20s. Howard said it's sad.
Robin asked what Avril Lavigne's husband's name is. Howard said it's Dudley or Derek or something. Howard said he thinks it's Derek Wibley. Robin said he just issued pictures to show the horrors of alcoholism. Robin said he's been quite a drinker and he almost died. Robin said his liver and kidneys shut down. Robin said he announced he hit rock bottom. Robin said that Avril tweeted out a supportive message about him when she heard the news.
Robin read about the meth problem in Asia and how China accounts for about half the amount. Robin said it must be a human thing to just want to get high. Robin said it doesn't matter where you go. People want to find it. Howard said they have bad feelings and they're mostly from their own parents. Howard said that's just the way it is.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked why he's such an ornery fuck with all of the callers this morning. He said he wasn't aware of that. Howard said some of the callers are wasting his time. The caller said Howard just hung up on him. Howard said he has a radio show to do and the listeners have an obligation to get to the point. He said he can't put up with nonsense. Howard gave him another shot. The guy asked what he thinks about the Rangers. Howard said he thinks they have a shot. Howard said that one of the guys lost his mother and the team told him to go to his mother. He said he wasn't going and he stayed to play. He said it gave the team a new energy. Howard said they were down 3 games to 1 and they have won 5 in a row since this guy stuck around. Howard said they've been on fire. Howard said he knows a lot of people don't watch hockey but it's a very difficult game. Howard said they're doing very well. Robin said she's shocked that Howard knows what's going on. Howard said he knows hockey.
The caller said that Howard has had some hockey players on the show. Howard said he has. He said he went to Shea Stadium to play a game when he worked at WNBC. He said that they played a team that had a ringer who pitched at like 70-80 miles per hour. Howard said he was the only one on his team to get a hit.
Howard said he loves this guy's voice. He said he thought it was a put on though. The caller said it's not. Howard said that he sounds like Sour Shoes. He asked if it's Sour Shoes. The caller said that's a compliment. Howard said that Sour is calling in on two lines. Howard said he's calling in as two different guys. Howard picked up the other line and had Sour talking to himself. He let Sour go and then did a live commercial read.
Howard said he's aware of hockey. He said he likes to be aware of things. He said that he has been into his art journal lately. He said that he started reading The Artists Way. He said he was writing short stories and things like that. Howard said he got interested in Art after seeing this book by Guillermo Del Toro. He said he got into water color painting and sketching and all of this stuff. He said he quickly absorbs information. Howard said he has been obsessed with this. He said it was very relaxing to him. He said he started to work on these various things and he's turned his office into an art room. Howard said he's obsessed with water colors. He said he recently painted his cat Yoda. He also painted a landscape and a house. He said he made a card to thank people for performing at the Billy Joel concert. He said that he painted some things he saw on the internet and that kind of thing. He said he's busy with that whenever he can. Robin asked about the guitar. Howard said he still does that but the balance is about 70/30 with the guitar being 30. He said he's really into this art thing.
Howard said he did a thing out of charcoals for Billy Joel. He said it was about him. He said he's not very good. He said he's actually awful. Howard said it relaxes him though. Robin said she always finds art to be intimidating. Howard said to get over that you only do it for yourself and don't be critical. He said if you do that then you become very creative. Robin said she doesn't know. Howard said she'll pick things up if she does that. Robin said she doesn't think she'll do it. She said it's very messy. Howard said he let go of that. He said his hands are often covered in paint.
Robin asked if it's part of the whole parenting thing to teach your kids to ride a bike. Howard said it is. Howard said his kids somehow just got on their bikes and went. He said they were awesome at it. Robin said a lot of parents are finding it to be a stumbling block. Robin said there are now bike riding tutors. Robin said that they will come and help the kid learn to ride. Howard said the parents should be doing it. He said you have to hold the bike up and run with them. Howard said he remembers his father holding him up and running with him. He said his father would yell and scream at him though. Howard said he found a place with high bushes and he took his friend's 21 inch bike and rode it. He said if he was falling he'd fall into the bushes. He said that's how he learned. Howard said trying to learn with his dad was a horrendous experience. Howard said if they interfered it was horrible.
Gary said he's shocked to hear that you have to hire someone to teach a kid how to ride a bike. Howard said you have to be calm and just help them. Robin said a lot of people aren't having much success doing it. Gary said that's just people throwing money at something they can't deal with.
Robin read about another owner who is under scrutiny in the NBA. Robin said he had a run in with the law and he went to rehab. Robin said he's out and feeling better. Robin said he was arrested in march and he is out of rehab now. She had some audio of the guy talking about that. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin read about the Oscar Pistorius trial and what's going on with that. Robin said he's going to be evaluated by a team for 30 days. Howard said he just read that a private bike tutor is $95-100 an hour. Robin got back to Pistorius and had some audio of someone talking about the case.
Robin read a story about a couple of the Kardashians who are suing a clown who threw confetti on them at a street fair recently. Robin said they filed a police report and they want him being prosecuted. Robin said that the clown says he was congratulating them on their success. Howard said they're right. Howard said if you want to give someone happiness then leave them alone. Howard said he should fuck off and stop spreading happiness.
Robin read about how the mayor's wife was talking about how she found it tough to be a mother when she had her child at the age of 40. Howard said that he applauds her for that. Howard said too many women are having kids and they don't admit they're shitty mothers. Howard said they all lie to each other and talk about how great it is. Howard said he likes that this woman is telling the truth. He said once an article comes out like that the press is going to run with it. Howard said she wrote it and she has to deal with it. Howard said he does applaud her though. He said not enough women talk honestly about children like that. Robin said it's a biological thing that women have and that doesn't mean they're going to be good at it. Howard said that Robin avoided it. Robin said she never had that urge to have kids.
Howard said a lot of people have kids and they're able to enjoy it. He said there are people who don't and that's why you see bike tutors. Howard said they shouldn't be shocked when they call her a shitty mom. He said he applauds her for coming out like that.
Robin read a story about actor Michael Jace calling police to say he shot his wife. Robin said that the children who were in the home at the time were taken into protective custody. Robin said they had just celebrated their 10th anniversary last June. Robin said the wife was found dead. Howard did a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about a woman at the Cannes film festival getting into trouble over a kiss she had there. Howard said that you have to love this country. He said we have so much freedom compared to other countries like that.
Robin read a story about Robin Thicke performing his new song at some award show this week. They played some of that song and then wrapped up the show. They were done around 10:15am.
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Jon said Howard talked a lot about spending his time in Hartford and how hard he's had it over the years. He said that Howard has told stories about paying his dues in the small markets. He said Howard has the last laugh now. He said he feels he got his due though. Gary said it has paid off. He said that it's hard. Gary said working in the small markets makes you think about what you're doing in life. Gary said he knows what his passion is but he doesn't know how to do it. He said that's what you think when you're in those markets.
Jon said Howard was able to change the game and make it happen. Howard didn't slow down at all when people told him to. Gary said that any new morning show that came to New York would contact them in some way. He said one of the stations showed up in the lobby with a cake. They said they were going to be number 1. Gary said that they told them that they were actually big fans and they were just told to bring the cake down there. Gary said they didn't react to that stuff and that's what he loved about the show.
Gary said they went into Philadelphia and went after Debella. He said he reacted and that was the wrong move. He said that Howard would just ignore the other people who tried to attack then and they'd eventually just go away.
Gary said he had a couple of interactions with Jim Kerr and he wasn't happy with them at all. He said he was the outcast because he worked for the guy who was fucking everything up for everyone else.
Gary told Jon about how they used to work and how Howard wasn't out and about a lot. Jon said Gary took a punch or two for Howard. Gary said he remembers one time when they were at the Emmys when they were on FOX. He said they were in the radio room and there was a local affiliate there who kept looking at them. He said it was just pissing him off that they were there. He said he yelled at Robin to take their experiment somewhere else. Gary said pissing them off meant that they were doing their job.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Eric the Midget has always been trying to get work from the first time he called in. He said he's not sure why they bust his balls. Gary said he's trying to get work that he wants and not just work. Jason said that Eric wants to be an actor on a network show. He said even if he gets the job he has all kinds of demands. He said you can't help but laugh at that. Gary said the good thing is that Eric doesn't ask them for money. Jason said he asks for tickets and jobs but not money.
The caller asked if they think that Legit was going to be canceled and they wanted to put Eric on to try and save the show. Gary said putting Eric on the show is not a sign that things are going well. Jon said that In Plain Sight was going to end either way. He said that you know Howard is going to talk about it. Gary said that shows like Modern Family aren't looking for Eric.
Jason said that there was no Eric bump when he was on Fringe so he didn't help the show. Jon said that Ted McGinley was on a lot of shows that went away. He said he's not saying he's a bad actor but he was on a bunch of shows that went away. He said that's what's going on with Eric. He said he thinks that Eric should be happy that he's on the shows.
Benjy said there may be shows that want more exposure or there are shows that need the help. Jason said if he was doing shows that were turn arounds then maybe they'd be looking at it a different way.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he has a follow up on this point. The caller said that his wife turns off Eric whenever he's on the show. He said she can't stand him. The caller said he doesn't get Eric. He said he thinks he always wants more of something and he can't stand that. He said he gets flabbergasted with him. Gary said Eric is polarizing as a caller. He said so is King of All Blacks. He said these people who say they turn off the radio never turn off the radio. He said they're just annoyed by the person and they love to hate them.
Jon said Howard enjoys talking to Eric or he wouldn't have him on. Jason said it's a thing of beauty when Eric and Howard are talking. They went to break a short time later.
Gary said he gets antsy as shit on a plane. He asked Ronnie what he thinks about. Ronnie asked if it matters. Jon said it does. Ronnie said he thinks about things going on in his life and how he can improve his life. He said he just thinks.
Benjy asked if he had a movie in front of him, would he watch it. Ronnie said he isn't looking forward to the commercial flights. He said you can't concentrate. He said there's noise and people asking questions. He said that you're being bothered on a commercial flight. He said he'd rather be in his own zone. That's why he likes the private jet. Ronnie said he flew to Hawaii and he didn't get up for 10 hours once.
Jason said if he was on Howard's flight there's no way he could relax. He said he'd be afraid of making too much noise in front of him. Ronnie said his guy Joe is afraid to sleep because he snores loud. He said that he doesn't worry about that himself. He said he just sits there and minds his own business.
Jon said that they never heard the end of Gary falling asleep next to Howard on a flight. Gary said that he didn't do anything wrong there. He said Howard brought him back there with him. Jason said Howard was wired after doing something really big and then Gary falls asleep next to him. Gary said Howard didn't talk to him that much back then. He said they talk a lot more now. He said he probably did misread the situation back then though.
Jason asked Ronnie if he has to watch his volume level on the flight. Ronnie said you don't scream. He said you do your thing. He said he likes just chilling out and relaxing. He said when you fly a private jet it's amazing. He said it's great.
Jon asked Ronnie when he's thinking to himself does he come up with his poems and stuff. Ronnie said he will start laughing about things and maybe he will write them down. He said he may write them down when he gets where he's going.
Jason asked if he reads at all. Ronnie said he brings magazines and things like that. He said he just likes to chill.
Benjy said that it is his job to observe so maybe that's what he does on the plane. Gary said that Ronnie does have a lot of time to do that when he's at AGT. Ronnie said there's always someone to talk to there. He said it's not like he's alone there.
Jon said that people do get into a zone. Ronnie said his zone is turning on a radio and listening to certain music. Then he'll go into another mode and listen to something else that he doesn't listen to. He said it's like there's no one else in the car. Ronnie said he and Shuli did a show together and he drove up with Stephanie. He said that he turned on music and she slept and the next thing he knew he was home. He said Stephanie can sleep for hours. He said they'll talk for a while but then she'll sleep. Gary asked if he ever asks her to shut it down so he can rest. Ronnie said he never does that. He said she can do shit in the car he can't do. He said she can write a whole term paper in the car. Gary said he thought she graduated. Ronnie said she's working on something right now.
Benjy asked if it would be a daunting task to drive across the country alone. Ronnie said he doesn't think so. He said he flies for 5 hours and doesn't do much of anything. He said that it depends on where he's going. He said some rides are more monotonous than others. He said the drive to Atlantic City is the worst. He said there's nothing to see out there.
Gary said he went from Los Angeles to Las Vegas when he was in college. He said they were about 2 hours in and they had nothing to look at and nothing to listen to. He said it was awful.
Jon took a call from Ralph who said it's like the scene from Swingers when they were all hyped up to go to Vegas and then a couple of hours in they were all mellow.
Ralph said Ronnie on the plane gives the vibe that he doesn't want to be bothered. He said you just don't interact with him. He said Ronnie just stares out the window. Ronnie said he'll talk if they want to but he doesn't bother anyone. He said that you stay out of trouble that way. Ralph said that's a good point.
Jason said that the one time Ronnie did do something he got into trouble with the other security guard back stage at AGT.
Gary said that you should lay low and not make a scene. Jason asked Ralph when he was last at Howard's house. Ralph said it's been a few years. He didn't follow the rules there. They had to take another break after that.
Jon said that JD said he didn't want to be judged on what he made. JD said that he didn't want to do it there because he knows everyone and likes everyone. He said they'd be busting his balls over anything he did. He said if it wasn't there then it's anonymous people judging him.
Jon asked if JD thinks he would have gone another way if he made something other than the movie about Ronnie. JD said he doesn't know. He said he thinks some of what he did was kind of sloppy. He said it needed a lot more thought in it. He said that it was about the three phases of Ronnie and it needed more thought behind it.
Gary said he knows that Sunny has a lot of guest directors. He said that Rob is a big fan of their show. He said that there are a few fans on the show. He said he's wondering how they'll tell Danny DeVito about who JD is. He wondered if they'll do that or if they'll just say he's a guest director and that's it. JD said he has no idea how they're going to introduce him.
Jon asked Gary about how they got wardrobe critiques today. JD got that as well. JD said he'll wear something there that's nice. He said he is rarely comfortable looking professional. He said he has a couple of shirts that he can wear on the day he directs. Gary asked if he will wear their show TV shirt. JD said he wont do that.
Jason asked JD if he's going to wear a suit with rat holes in it. JD said he didn't know that suit had holes in it. He said he looked at it before they went to Teddy's wedding.
Gary said he'd like to know who threw him under the bus over the Thursday meeting thing. Jason said it wasn't him and Gary knows that he'd tell him if it was. Benjy said that he had to talk to Gary about something... He was joking and said that he's not the one who told Howard.
Gary said he wears jeans and a t-shirt to the meeting on Thursday. He said that he will start wearing something nicer. He said he's never seen the owner of the company wearing a jacket but he will start doing that himself.
Gary said he wasn't upset about King calling in today. He said he knows he's just looking for anything to get under his skin. He said he doesn't think his goatee is that heavy.
Benjy said when King does his thing about Gary and laughs it doesn't seem real to him. Gary said it's like when Stuttering John was the court jester for Howard and they just laugh.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Ronnie about taking commercial flights and what he would say if someone asked him what he does for a living. Ronnie said he'd say he does security and works for the Stern show. He said he'd answer honestly. He said he's going out to L.A. next week and he'd tell them that he's going to meet with Howie Mandel over his TV show idea. He said he's pitching the show with Howie out there.
Jon said Ronnie gives off the air that he doesn't want to be bothered on a flight. Ronnie said he won't bother anyone on the flight. He said he'll put on headphones and make sure people know he doesn't want to be bothered.
Jon said the other thing he wanted to talk about is Howard saying that he doesn't return his ''hey now.'' He said he doesn't want people thinking that he's trying to be like Howard. He said that's just not his thing. Jason said he could just throw one back at him and it's fine. It's like shorthand.
Benjy said they're in a fraternity and they should feel free to say it. He said maybe they feel they're not worthy of it. Jon said he doesn't feel that way. Benjy said he sort of feels that way. He said that's something you have to be accepted into to say. Ronnie said that Howard will call him in the car and say Hey Now and he'll know to go pick him up.
Jason said this is Jon not being a part of the whole thing and follow what everyone else does. He said that's fine but that's what he's doing. Jon said he just wouldn't talk to him that way. Jason said it's just a way to say hello. Gary said there were days when Howard and Fred or Ralph would go back and forth 50 times doing it.
Gary said he's using it a lot when he emails people. He said he'll use it in the title. He said if he gets that in an email he knows it's someone who knows the show. They talked about how Ralph has taken it to a new level with the way he does his Hey Now. They ended the show a short time later. They were done around 11:05am
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Howard started the show talking about how he feels like his head is going to fall off. He said he has to get up at 4. He said he was watching TV last night and he knew he had to go to bed. He said he was catching up on The Blacklist since he had missed the last few. He said he wasn't that tired last night. He said it's that time of year when you feel like a baby going to bed when the sun is still up. He said if he times it wrong then he's up even earlier.
Robin asked if he's watching the Bachelorette. Howard said he hasn't seen it yet. He said he's DVR'ing it. He said he'll get into it eventually. He said he's not into the woman they picked. He said she wasn't that great on the Bachelor.
Howard said she's like the Khaleesi. Howard said that she won't get naked on the show anymore. Robin said she never said that. Robin said someone said that someone in the cast wasn't going to get naked. Howard said she was right because she hasn't gotten naked. Howard said this week should have been when she did. Howard if he was a writer on that show he'd have her no longer look like herself and change the actress out. Howard said the show has success now and she won't get naked. Howard said she's a dark haired girl with dark eyebrows wearing a blonde wig. He said she should dye them. Howard said it's not his problem. He said she shouldn't have gotten naked in the first season. He said she's much better naked than not. Howard said the only ones who get naked are the ones who are porn stars apparently.
Howard said he likes HBO and that they have people getting naked. He said he loves the midget guy on the show too. Robin said he has a name and it's Peter Dinklage. Howard said he is a really good actor. Howard said he wants them to cut the bullshit on that show. He said when he's on it's interesting. He said the giant blonde chick is good too. Howard said those two should fuck. He said they'd have a weird looking kid. He said that would be cool. He said he'd watch that sex scene. Howard said Robin would love that. Robin laughed.
Howard had some porn clips to play. He said this one is killer. He played it and it was a guy telling another guy to fuck him and cum in his pussy. Howard did an impression of the guy telling the other guy to pound his ''ass ovaries.'' Howard let the clip play some more and made up more lines about that.
Howard said that was a good one. He said when Benjy gets fingered in the ass he should tell the guy to finger his pussy. Howard wondered who would even think to say that.
Howard said these video games are the best. He said you can go on the internet and play these games with other people anonymously. He said that leads to some weird behavior. Howard said everyone records it too. He said this clips from Dark Age of Camelot. Howard said that you can steal another guy's powers and this kid is on the game going fucking nuts because someone stole his powers. Howard played the clip and the kid was screaming at the guy who stole his powers. He sounded like was going to murder the guy. Howard said the quiet guy was more annoying than that screaming guy. The screamer was threatening the other guy saying if he ever found out where he lived he was going to get him. The calm guy just stayed calm.
Howard said that guy could be 40 years old. He said you just don't know. The calm guy told him to just calm down a little bit. He told him to just get some silver. The screamer said he was going to break his fucking nose if he ever found out where he lives. The calm guy told him he doesn't know where he lives. He told him to shut up because they're all friends there. He continued to scream.
Howard said this is the kind of guy who isn't mentally stable enough to join the military. He said this is just a fake war game. The guy kept screaming. Howard said that the calm guy was the annoying one though. He said there are a lot of guys who get really upset over games. He said he has another clip of a guy yelling at his teammates in front of people at a convention. That guy was screaming at the top of his lungs in a public place. Howard said it's a bunch of douche bags. He said this is some video game conference. Everyone in the game was really worked up but the one guy was screaming.
The caller asked if he thinks Bobo is playing with himself when he calls in. Howard said Bobo has been on the phone since the show started. The caller said he doesn't get that Bobo has to be on every day. Howard asked if he wanted to talk to him. The caller said no but Howard put him on anyway.
Bobo got on and called the guy a fucking asshole. He said that he has no idea what he has achieved in his life. He said he does this for entertainment. He said he loves the show and loves Howard. He asked if he should just stare at the fucking water. The caller said he can't wait for his wife to decide to get a live and leave him. Bobo asked what he has done with his life. The caller said he's owned a company since he was 21 years old. Howard told Bobo to tell him what he did. Bobo told the guy he made six figures and he didn't go to college. He said he was the top driving instructor in the nation last year. He said he enjoys calling in and it brings him joy. He said he's 61 years old and he loves the show.
The caller thanked Howard and kept calling Bobo a loser. Bobo said he knows nothing about him. The two of them were talking over one another. Howard asked the caller about the business he ran. The caller said he still runs it. Bobo said that's fine but he doesn't have to attack him. He said he worked for 40 years and didn't take benefits from anyone. He said that he has won awards too. Howard asked what those were. Bobo said no one can come close to what he has done. He said he's involved in a lot of stuff. He said he's trying to get some laws changed. He said people clap at the end of his classes. He said they don't do that for anyone.
Howard said he hopes that the caller heard that. The caller had to get going. Howard told Bobo to go calm down himself. Bobo said he has a question for him. Howard told him to save it. He said it's 6:22 already and he was on the phone from 6:03.
Bobo said that he was going to ask about the Jones Beach air show. Howard said he knows how he feels about air shows. Howard asked if he's going to call back in today. Bobo said he was going to ask another question. He said he's psyched about the birthday show video. Howard said he's going to love it. Howard said the whole thing is just wonderful. He said it's great to watch. Howard said it should be out in a couple of weeks. Howard said it will be on SiriusXM.com and HowardStern.com.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Bobo has a Squatty Potty. Bobo said he doesn't. The caller asked if he has colored markers like Howard does. Bobo said he has markers. The caller said Bobo sounds like a psycho.
Howard asked the caller how many awards he has. The caller said he has none. He said he'd be worried about a guy who sits by the water listening to Howard though. Bobo said he just has a little calm in his life. Bobo said he retired at 57 and he gets a little bit of relaxation sitting by the water. The caller said he thins he has a Squatty Potty. Bobo said he doesn't yet. Howard said he uses his Squatty Potty. He said he used it when he got home. Howard said he was out until about 4 in the afternoon. He said as soon as he got home he had to go. Howard said it's unbelievable how the brain works. the caller said he works construction and he doesn't use the out houses on the job. Howard said he got home and he took a dump and forgot to use the Squatty Potty. He said he wants to have a full elimination though. Howard said he ran and got the Squatty Potty. He said what came out was so fulfilling. He said it was like a full bowl.
The caller said ''Fuck you Benjy'' as he was about to leave. He said he hopes that he gets a whole arm up his ass. Howard said that was Mark from Red Bank.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he loves Bobo. He said he's part of the show and an icon on the show. Bobo thanked him for that. Howard said other people like Captain Janks have retired from the show but Bobo keeps going. Bobo said he'll be there until Howard retires.
The caller asked if Captain Janks is available. Howard asked if he's gay. The caller said he is. Howard said that whole thing with Janks was odd. He said he hasn't had any gay experiences but he wants a spiritual connection. He said he should just want to go get jerked off by some dude.
Howard told Bobo he has to go. He said that was quite an attack from those callers. Howard played a little more of the video game conference clip.
Howard said he won't go to parties and wont shake hands because of stuff like that. Howard said there was an article he read about hand shakes and how they can be as dangerous as cigarette smoking. Howard said they say that we should come up with some way of having no body contact at all. Howard said they say that this is the easiest way to transfer germs. He said that they are worried about the transfer of MERS. He said they say we should treat handshakes like smoking. He said they should have handshake free zones.
Howard said Howie Mandel is as bad as him with the hand shakes. Howard said he fist bumps though. He said he and Beth were talking about fist bumping his mother in law and Beth was asking if that's rude. Howard said that it's the same thing with anyone. Howard said he decided he was going to fist bump and he went out and the first guy he did that with started to laugh. He said people laugh at you if you do that. Howard asked if it's really that funny that he doesn't want to shake your hand you smelly dink? Howard said a woman will come up to shake his hand and he'll shake it. He said he feels he's being rude if he doesn't. Howard said he's going to stop shaking hands completely after reading this article.
Howard said someone has to make this move to stop hand shakes. Howard said they say that this is the way they can protect people in a hospital. Howard said the doctors shouldn't be shaking hands. He said it has to stop. Howard said they say that some hand sanitizers are dangerous too. He said they had to stop production of some of them because of what they have in them.
Howard got back to the masturbation clip. The guy was whispering his play by play. Howard said the visual is his balls bouncing back and forth. Howard said he can see Benjy doing a video like this. Benjy laughed. The masturbator was talking about how much he enjoys that and how he loves being a pervert.
Howard said it is pretty innovative to do a masturbation video like that. He said that's pretty creative. Howard said it would be great if you recognized this guy's voice as your boss or something.
Howard said he's so happy when he cums. He said he just wants to get it over with. Howard said he was watching The Five on FOX News. He said they were going to do a story about the guy Macklemore who dressed up as a Jewish guy to be in disguise. Howard said the guy is claiming that he had no idea what he was doing and thought it was just a funny costume. Howard said on The Five they were going to take a break and come back to talk about that. He said the breaks are about 3 1/2 minutes. He said he knows that the commercials are just William Devane selling gold or some commercial for a disease that old people get. He said he read about how the demographics for that channel are people over 60. He said then he realized he's in that demo.
Howard said he knew he could jerk off really quick so that's what he did. He ran and got his iPad and got on YouPorn. He said they have different scenarios and found one that he could use. Howard said he chose to watch a porn clip where a woman gets seduced on her wedding day. It turns out to be a bridesmaid. Howard said that was perfect. He said the clip starts with the girl fingering the other girl. He said he wanted to see the seduction. He said the bride was super hot. He said her boobs were big and they looked good when she laid down. Howard said that he got that done and went back to FOX News and they were still in commercial break. He said he was almost in denial that he did it that quick. He said he almost feels like a normal human being that doesn't have to go to pornography.
Howard said that the guys at The Five all think that Macklemore is a degenerate. Howard said he was doing a song dressed up like that and he was doing the song ''Thrift Shop.'' Howard played that song and said that he always wants to come on the show so now he can. He said he wants him to explain this costume. He said no one is buying what he said. He said that Greg Gutfeld isn't on the show lately and it's not as good without him.
Howard got back to the masturbation clip. He said that he was talking about how he likes to get the whole dirty mess over with when he does it. Howard said if he messes around and takes too long he loses it. He said he just stops. He said it's like he came but didn't. He said that's why he likes to get it out real quick.
Howard played more of the guy doing the play by play of his masturbation. Howard said he was going to throw up after hearing the guy talking about his own cum dripping. Howard said it would be cool if Bob Beckel made a video like that.
Howard said Doug Stanhope is coming in today. He said he thinks that Bingo is coming with him too. Howard said Doug is a really funny stand up comedian. Howard said Bingo is a sweet girl but she's on medication for being mental. Howard said they're going to come in and Doug is worse than him being negative. Howard said he's disgusted by everything. Howard said he's a pleasure compared to Doug. He went to break after that.
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Howard came back and took a call from a guy who said a hand shake is just part of being a man. Howard said it's time for that to change. The caller said it's disrespectful to not give a powerful hand shake. Howard said we need to change that to something else. Howard said no one wants to get MERS. The caller asked what his dad taught him as a child. Howard said he wasn't taught anything. Howard said dueling used to be a regular thing to do but we changed that. He said it's not masculine to die from some flesh eating disease.
Howard let the guy go and had Doug Stanhope come in. Howard said his girlfriend Bingo is there too. Howard said that they never did get married. Howard said that Bingo is wearing a cool outfit. He said he's never seen anything so sexy. Bingo said it was a band uniform she got at a thrift store. Howard said it's awesome.
Doug said bingo hasn't been there since she was bald. Howard said she had hair the last time they were there. Doug told Howard he agrees about getting the jerking off done right away. He said you just want it out of the way.
Howard said Bingo cheated on Doug once. Doug said they found out who that guy was. He said he was a fan who had emailed him when they moved to town. He said he was a bigger fan than he thought.
Howard said Doug and Bingo have been together for a long time now. Doug said it's 9 years. Howard said they don't really care about sex either. Bingo was drinking a vodka and vegetable juice. Howard said it's so early in the morning. Doug said he does the same thing. Howard said he heard that he drinks 6 days a week. Doug said he does it pretty much every day. He said he gets by. He's a functioning alcoholic.
Howard said Doug is successful at stand up and he seems to enjoy it. Doug said it's an easy job. He said that writing the material sucks though. Howard said there must be a lot of pressure there. Doug said you go through waves of that. He said he puts out a CD and does a special and then he thinks he sucks when he has to come up with new material. He said then a tsunami happens and he comes up with new material.
Howard said he can support the both of them on his income. Doug said they live in the middle of nowhere and he doesn't have any kids. He said he can't think of a time he ever wanted to have kids. He said they're just stupid people. He said he does the baby talk with Bingo. He said he has a retarded child, it's his girlfriend.
Howard asked Bingo about her outfit. Howard said it's a full band leader outfit. He said it's not the sexiest thing he's seen. He said she has blue hair and she has some kind of floral thing in there. She said that what they do on tour is go to thrift stores and shop. She said that's what she's wearing. Doug said she has blue hair and she's had it for 3 years now. He said he doesn't even notices it anymore.
Howard said that thrift stores are interesting but it's probably something from some dead guy. Howard said he sees cool shoes that were probably some homeless guy's shoes.
Doug said he feels like he's disgusting. He said that he got up at 4:45 this morning to make sure that he took a shit before he got there. He said he's afraid that he'll have to go there and upset Howard with that. He said he doesn't need someone going into the bathroom and inspecting it after he goes.
Howard asked Bingo about her drinking and how many of those vodkas she had this morning. She said she's had two. She said when they're home they are juicing and things like that. Doug said he even quit smoking for 6 weeks at home. He said then he went on tour and started bumming them from the comics he was hanging out with. He said the last couple of weeks have just gone to seed.
Howard said Doug has such opportunity but he doesn't sweat it. Howard said Johnny Depp saw one of his stand up specials and he thought that he was a funny mother fucker so he called him up personally and said he wanted to work on something together. Howard said Depp flew him and Bingo to London for two weeks. Doug said it was very weird. He said that it's still weird. Doug said he's just starting a tour in Canada. He said that he's not ready to replace all of his material since he has a special on Netflix. Doug said that his manager called and told him that Johnny Depp was going to call him and he had no other information. Howard said it must be scary to start a whole new hour after using it in a special. Doug said you have a gap between taping it and when it's released to work it out. Howard asked what you do if you don't have any prepared material. Doug said that he has a niche audience and he's such a fuck up that they know he's going to be out of it. He said his fans would probably enjoy it more if he failed miserably.
Howard asked what you do when you don't have material. Doug said you can go back to older stuff and work that out. He said he has old notebooks with material from the past 23 years in it. Howard asked if he worries that he doesn't have them backed up. Doug said he can't work on a computer so he writes it all down on yellow legal pads. He said he keeps notes about how the stuff worked.
Howard asked if the notebooks are in any kind of order. Doug said that his worst fear is someone finding his notebooks because they don't really make sense. Howard said he writes down his stuff and sends them to Jason to print out and they only make sense to him. He said 10 years from now they won't make sense to him though.
Howard asked Doug about Johnny Depp calling him. Doug said he was about to go on stage when he heard he was going to call. He said he worried about him calling while he was on stage but that didn't happen. He said he was waiting around all day the next day for his call. Doug said he couldn't imagine what he was calling him about. He said then it went into the next week and he didn't get the call. He said he was writing bits about the call that never came. Doug said he has as much reason to call him as he does calling the audience. He said that's the kind of material he was writing.
Howard said that's the worst kind of torture. He said that Depp is powerful enough to change his life. Howard said his mind must start to run about what he wants him for. Howard said he must want him for a film or maybe to write something for him. Doug said he figured maybe he wanted to hang out with him to study for a part of a drunk, burned out comic.
Howard asked when he last fucked Bingo. Bingo said they were going to do it and they both just started laughing. Howard asked if he thinks it's his drinking. Doug said it's probably cocaine that started the problem. Howard asked if he thinks that he'd want to do it with someone else. Doug said he thinks he's just gay for himself. He said that he and Bingo have a fantastic life though. He said Howard is the only one who is upset that they don't fuck. Howard said she seems like a lot of fun. He asked if she's be up for just about anything. She said maybe.
Howard asked if he used to love sex. Doug said he did. He said it ruined every relationship he had. He said in his 20s he couldn't not cheat on every girl he was with. He said now he's 47 and he doesn't want sex at all. Howard said if you're not missing it then who cares? He said as long as you're happy it's good.
Howard asked Doug how long he waited for Depp to call. Doug said it was 9 or 10 days. He said that he lost 6 minutes of material when he called. He said that his manager told him that he had vetted the call to make sure it wasn't a prank. He said Depp was gushing and saying he likes his stuff. He said he had seen some unaired pilot that Lenny Bruce did and he wanted to do that same kind of thing with him. Doug said he was in a Ramada smoking a cigarette in the parking lot about to do a show for 150 people but he'd think about doing it. He said he eventually realized he was joking and he was interested.
Doug said Depp invited them to London and he was shooting a movie over there. He said he put them up in a 5 star hotel. He said that Depp said that it wouldn't cost them a nickel. He said that he even offered them his house in France if they wanted to go there. Bingo said it still doesn't seem real. Howard asked if they didn't order anything too expensive on the menu. Doug said he figured they were going to be paying the incidentals so he didn't go crazy. Doug said it's easy to eat as little as possible over there in London. He said the food is horrible over there.
Howard asked if they billed everything to Johnny Depp. Doug said they just assumed he was covering the flight and hotel. He said they flew over in first class on British Airways. He said they had the full lay down beds in there.
Howard asked if Bingo wore the marching band outfit there. Bingo said she wore something weird. She said she loves color so much. She said it's like an anti-depressant. Howard asked Doug if he's embarrassed by that. Doug said he's not at all. He said that Johnny was playing a character from the 1930s so he was dressed up crazy too.
Doug said he gave Depp a hug when he met him. He said he came into the director's tent and they smoked cigarettes together. Howard asked if he smokes like crazy. Bingo said he does. Howard asked how many packs a day Doug is up to. Doug said he's doing a pack a day or so. He said he'll go back home and quit again.
Doug said Johnny told them that they could watch the scene they were shooting. He said they went to say action and his chair fell backwards through the tent into the mud of the set in the shot. He said he fell into the scene through the wall of the tent. Bingo said his natural line was ''Man down'' and it happened at just the right time. Howard said that would be great if they kept that in the movie.
Howard said he must have wanted to crawl into a hole. Doug said it was the opposite. He said he couldn't fuck up anymore than that and he was crying laughing. He said everyone on the set were thinking lawsuit. He said they made sure he was okay. He said he was fine. Bingo said she was laughing so hard at that.
Howard said Johnny must have taken him out to talk about business. Doug said that he took them to his house since he can't really go out. He said they smoked during dinner. He said he had Ron Wood over for dinner and he smokes too. Howard said he doesn't stop at all. He said he smokes when he's playing guitar.
Howard asked about Ron bringing out ashtrays during dinner. Doug said he did that and brought them to the table. Howard asked if they were smoking during the salad. Doug said he was. He said he waited for someone else to do it first. Howard said it sounds like a smoker's heaven in there. Howard said that the house must have smelled. Doug said it was a rental house for the movie.
Doug said that he was in a hotel and you can't smoke in the hotels. He said that he told Johnny that and then a few minutes later the assistant said they were putting ashtrays in their room as they spoke.
Howard asked Doug what he was talking to Johnny and Ron Wood about. Bingo said it was very comfortable. Doug said that it was mostly Johnny and Ron talking. He said he'd throw in a joke here and there. He said it was like he was in the Artie chair there.
Howard asked who else was there. Doug said that Patti Smith showed up one day. Howard said that's cool. Doug said one night they went over and Bill Burr was playing in London. He said he saw him on a Saturday and on that Sunday Johnny asked if he wanted to invite him over to the house. Doug said he did that and they got a bit fucked up. He said Johnny asked them to stay the night because they got so fucked up. He said that Johnny said he had plenty of room. He said they had a full sized pool downstairs in the house. He said they stayed on pool furniture. He said they woke up and just got out of there. Howard asked if Johnny's girlfriend is hot. Doug said she really is. Bingo said she really liked her. She said that she really wanted her to have some perfume and wanted to take her shopping. She said she didn't end up doing that. Doug ended up getting some after shave. Doug said he thinks it was a stolen prop. Bingo said it was his own stuff she thinks.
Doug said they tried to sneak out in the morning so they didn't have to make eye contact. Doug said they had no idea where they were though. He said they were going to call a cab from somewhere. He said that he has this whole security team there so they weren't able to get out of there.
Howard asked who else he hung out with there. Bingo said that Paul Bettany was there. Doug said he was great. Howard said he's not sure who that is.
Howard asked Doug about spending the time there and spending it on Johnny's dime. Doug said it was almost his dime. He said that the assistant forgot to put down a credit card. He said the bill was almost $15,000. He said he didn't have that kind of money to spend. He said he gave them his credit card and he wondered how he could phrase the text message in a funny way. He said he can't remember how he phrased it but he got the text to the guy. He said the assistant asked him not to tell Johnny but he would take care of it before he was home. Howard said that's awkward. Doug said he knew he had fucked up but he wasn't sure how to approach it.
Howard said Johnny gave him a vague notion of what he was going to do. Doug said the last night they were there he pitched the idea. He said then Johnny proposed to his girlfriend so he's going to be busy for a while. He said that he doesn't have a signed contract to do anything yet.
Howard said Louis C.K. approached him about doing a project for him too. Howard said Louis gets things done too. Howard said he seems way more in tune than Johnny Depp. Doug said this was right after he got home from the Depp thing. Howard said he turned Louis down though. He said he should go meet with Louis. Doug said he did not say no. He said he told Louis that Depp just spent like 50 grand to work with him. He said that Louis has called him before and this is like the third time that he hasn't called back.
Doug said he did Louis' show once and he didn't have to stretch to play the part. He said Louis told him to try out and see what happens. Doug said he's really not a good actor but he did it anyway. He said he was spending days walking around in the yard doing his lines to the dogs. He said he knew the whole script. Doug said he doesn't have a hard time remembering. Then Louis doesn't call back. He said he told him he sucked and he could have just said he was right and let him off the hook. He said he realized he was doing the Stern Show and he was going to do the lines during the interview. He said he was going to make it look like he stole the entire script from the show. He said then Louis called and said he had the part and ruined his plan.
Howard said someone is going to grab Doug and do something with him. Doug said he doesn't push people. Howard gave Doug some plugs for his upcoming dates. He said you can check DougStanhope.com for more information.
Robin asked where this deal with Johnny Depp stands. Doug said that Depp texted him this morning about the project and said they have to talk. Howard said he found a location but he doesn't have a show yet. Doug said he has that happen to him a lot. He said it's another project he may not get around to. Doug said that Depp might just be bat shit crazy for all he knows.
Howard said in the last special Doug admitted to murdering his mother. Doug said she took her own life and he made cocktails. Howard asked if the authorities have questioned him about this. Doug said he's not famous. Howard said that it was in his special. Doug said the last time he was on there it had just happened. Howard said he has to be honest. He said last time he was coming on it was a while ago. He said he wanted to talk about euthanizing his mother. Howard said he told Will that he was going to go to jail if he talked about that. Howard said he didn't want that on the air. Doug said he did think about talking to a lawyer first. Howard said he wanted to be the rational one and said he thinks he should have talked to a lawyer first. Doug said she was in hospice care already. Howard said we treat dogs better than people. He said we put them to sleep if they're suffering. He said people beg to be put out of their misery and we won't allow that.
Howard said if his mother was begging for death he'd want to help but the law says we can't. Doug said that if someone wants to take a huge dose of morphine and you go into the other room to make cocktails then you can't do anything about it. Doug said they had a great time roasting his mother. He said they goofed on her and she had a dark sense of humor. Howard said his mother was very ill and she wanted to go. Doug said she was very cunty toward the end. Doug said Jeff Ross was nowhere to be found but they roasted his mom. He said they got a hospital bed set up at his house and he had a former nurse friend who came over to help with the bed pan and all of that. Doug said his mom told him to be a stand up comic long before he thought about doing it.
Doug said his mother was like a Beavis and Butt-Head mom. He said she let them do things like read hustler magazine and things like that. Howard asked if he thinks his drinking is because of that. Doug said he was a shitty kid and he doesn't blame any of that on anyone else. He said that he was just an asshole of a kid. Howard said it's a parent's job to discipline their kids though. Doug said you have a limited amount of control though.
Howard asked what his mom did that was cunty. He said she was hoarding and things like that. He said she was only 63 but she had a lot of problems. He said she was choking on her own phlegm and things like that. He said that cigarettes did this to his mother and it actually made him want to smoke. Doug said it's weird how you balance yourself from that stuff. He said he can walk on flat ground and not get winded so he doesn't have to quit yet.
Robin asked if he realizes that it's his future and he's just not there yet. Howard asked if he's suicidal. Doug said he's not at all. He said there are things in life he enjoys. Bingo said he's not depressed. Howard said he doesn't seem to care about living. Doug said he has an accurate view of how futile it is but he enjoys it. Doug said he's not suicidal but he's not against suicide. He said he's lazy and he wouldn't want to do that. Howard said he's lazy and he just wants to enjoy his life. Doug said he does. He said it's a hobby and he never gets bored. Howard said he's never bored either. He said he's not sure why he shows up there.
Howard asked what he does to keep busy. Doug said he likes flying and he likes going to thrift stores. He said he flies around just to rack up the miles. He said he likes to get Diamond Status on Delta so he doesn't have to wait in line.
Howard asked Doug about his mom saying she had to end it. Doug said that he did a bit about this and he tells the story in his last special. He said he did say to her that she can't do it on Sunday or Monday because that's football day. He said she had to do it in the next two weeks because his manager was returning.
Howard asked what day she did it. Doug said she did it on a Saturday. He said he watched football the next day. He said he wasn't jumping off the couch cheering but he did watch football. Bingo said she did it in their living room. Howard asked if they believe in ghosts or anything. They don't.
Doug said he did a bit in his 2004 stand up act where his mother was talking about killing herself. He said that she actually ended up doing it.
Howard asked if Bingo wears a big red outfit when she does it. Bingo said she was sleeping actually. She said they had taken Xanax to sleep. Doug said he was on the computer and his mother was yelling that she needed her pills and her drink. He said he thought she wanted her Diet Dr. Pepper and her pills. He said this was actually her final drink that she wanted to take. She had morphine pills. She took 90 and it took a while. Doug said she called his brother to say goodbye too. Doug said that he knew she wasn't going to be around for long either way.
Doug said she had a hard time taking pills so they were just joking around trying to make it easy. Doug said he jokingly told her that they had just found a cure as she was going out. He said she gave him the finger and cursed him out. He said she was laughing and crying. Bingo said she laughed the whole way out. Howard asked if she was upset through this whole thing. Bingo said this was the first death close to her. She said that it was beautiful. She said she was laughing through it too.
Howard asked Bingo if this makes her want to take pills and get herself off this planet. She said she thinks she's closer than ever. She said she's not ready to go yet though. Howard asked why she's closer than ever. Bingo said she's seen stuff lately with Derek and Amy. Howard said he knows what she's talking about. Howard said the most amazing part of this story is that they own a rental apartment. Doug said it's a house that abuts their house. He said he drunk bought a house. He said it's like $59,000. He said it's in Bisbee. He said they have a door in the fence that goes to the other house.
Doug said he has a stalker fan who moved in across the street. He said she's really cute too. He said she's been there for like 3 months now. Doug said that this is in Bisbee, Arizona. Doug said that she told them one night that she was at a show in Long Beach and she heard where he lived so she moved out there. Bingo said she was at their house and she was in tears in her arms.
Howard said in the rental house the guy committed suicide and Bingo had to clean up the brains. Doug said they were friends of theirs. He said he wouldn't rent to actual people. He said that they gave the house to them for free. He said the woman had lupus and he'd goof on her for that. Doug said the woman died and the guy killed himself because he loved her so much.
Bingo said that she did have to clean the brains off but she found it beautiful in a way. Doug said she's been going through a lot since then. Bingo said that it's making death okay for her. She said that she's fine with it if it happens. Howard asked if they have to worry about her. She said they don't have to worry. Doug said it's more like a bad acid trip kind of thing. Doug said that she's not actively trying to kill herself or anything.
Howard asked if she has done anything to herself. She said she hasn't. She said she's not in a bad place. She said that it's not depression. Howard told her to think about missing out on the Johnny Depp project if she thinks about killing herself. Robin asked if she's in therapy. Doug said that if you saw the quality of mental health care in Arizona then you wouldn't go. He said she talks to an RN over Skype. Howard said it is hard to find a qualified person.
Robin said she likes that Doug won't rent to regular people because it might be a nightmare. Doug said that he has no problem with someone blowing his brains out. Just don't be a tweeker.
Howard asked if they are in a hight stakes death pool. Doug said that they are. He said that it's on DougStanhopesCelebrityDeathPool.com. He said he doesn't have Howard in the pool though. Howard said that's what he's getting at. Howard said that they're up to a lot. Howard said he heard that they just met David Spade. Doug said he didn't know David was funny. He said he met him through the show. He said he had never seen him do stand up and he heard him on the show and his interview was brilliant. He said he met him the other night at the Improv and his act destroyed him. He said that he wanted to talk to him after the show. He said he did that and talked to him about his hernia. He said he went to him to find out what to do about his own.
Howard told Bingo she has to stick around for Doug. She said that if she goes they're both going out together. Doug said that they have no plans to kill themselves. He said that he just wants to be like his mom and not have tubes coming out of himself or anything like that. Howard said that he could start a new industry of roasting people as they die. Doug said he did talk to Johnny Depp about having a celebrity hospice.
Howard took a call from Ralph who asked why Doug left the Johnny Depp thing. Howard said Ralph would have stayed the rest of his life. Gary said that Ralph would have texted the guy to pay his bill too.
Howard said you don't do that kind of thing. He said you don't take advantage of someone. Howard said Sam Simon figured Ralph out eventually. Doug said he has him in the death pool. Howard said that's not cool. Ralph said Sam is doing good right now. Howard thanked him for the call and let him go.
Howard told Bingo that she shouldn't clean up after a suicide. Bingo said there is no one out there who does it for you. She said they had to do it. Howard asked how Doug found Bisbee. Doug said he just found it going to gigs out that way. He said that the house he lives in was like $140,000 at the peak of the market. He said the house isn't that big though. He said he has great neighbors. He said he goes to the city council meetings to address noise complaints for the parties they have.
Howard asked what they did with his mom when she died. Doug said they passed out after taking the Xanax. He said that the nursing lady came over the next morning and called the ambulance. Doug said they came in and they tried to take Bingo. He said she was still passed out and they walked by the hospital bed and went to Bingo. He said the nurse had to tell them that it was the woman in the hospital bed. Howard said these two are out of their minds but that's great. He said he's glad they found each other.
Howard gave Doug some plugs and said that they have a picture of Bingo up on HowardStern.com. Howard said she has such a great smile. He said that he's picturing them taking her body at the house. Howard said they should have let them take her. Doug said he would have but the nurse pointed out the right body. Howard said that would have been so great. Howard said the two of them are so out of control and it's great.
Doug brought up America's Got Talent. Howard said that they have some great comics on the show this season. He said that these guys come out and do a great job. Howard said there are some who are pretty edgy. Howard said Doug might know some of them. Howard said that he may have heard of this one guy, Arsenio Hall. Howard said he was just joking about that.
Howard said that it must have been the greatest thing ever when they went to drag out Bingo. Howard said that's like an episode of The Munsters. He said they'd try to drag Herman out and they'd have to say that he's still alive.
Doug said he donated some money to the humane society. He said he wanted to sell his mother's ashes on Ebay and he had it up to hundreds of dollars in minutes but then they took it down because it's illegal to sell that stuff. He said there's a federal law that says you can't do it. Howard said he wanted to buy a human skull and he realized it was a person at some point. He said it was just so wrong that he stopped himself. He said that it was disrespectful to this woman's memory. Doug said that his mother was a crazy cat lady. He said that she had 11 at one time. He said he though it would be nice for a creepy fan to have her ashes.
Doug said his mother was hoarding toward the end and they had to go through everything. He said it took days to go through it all. He said they would find piles of garbage but then they'd find an envelope full of $2 bills from 1976. He said they had to go through it all to find stuff like that.
Doug said that his mother was in the hospital and they cleaned out the house. He said when she came home she freaked the fuck out because they got rid of her stuff. Howard said his parents throw everything out. He said they are the opposite and throw it all away. Doug said Bingo did that too. He said she was trying to do the right thing. He said they try to keep in check and not to be hoarders.
Howard gave Doug some more plugs and wrapped up the interview. He said that he bought some beer for Richard Christy but he didn't bring it in. He said he felt it was dumb and left it at the hotel. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and talked up the song as Fred started it. Howard sang along with the song a little bit too.
Howard said many people have been calling about his interview with Donald Sterling. He said he spoke with him after he spoke to Anderson Cooper. Howard played a clip which was a guy doing an impression of Howard and doing an impression of Donald Sterling. The guy had Sterling talking about V. Stiviano and mistaking the country Nigeria for the N-word. He had Sterling talking about Magic Johnson not being able to get AIDS right.
Howard said that's making news all over the place. Robin said he has uncovered a lot in an interview. Howard talked about that bit for a short time and mentioned the things that he got out of that. Howard said no one has aired that interview. He said everyone is afraid. He said that was his favorite interview of all time.
Howard said he sees a ton of people on the phone who want to speak to them. Howard said he has a bunch of things to play too.
Howard said they were number one in Cleveland and he had never heard of this guy who just died. His name is DJ Murray Saul. Howard said he had a catch phrase and it was ''I Gotta Get Down.'' Howard said he was a big deal in Cleveland and he just passed away. Howard played a clip of him doing his catch phrase. He said that was his big claim to fame. Howard said he's a much harder worker than Cousin Brucie. Howard said he thinks that this guy invented the big weekend bit that they do. Howard said that he used to goof on DJs that do that. He said that they tell the boss to fuck off on a Friday. He said he feels like this guy started that. He played another clip of Murray talking about waiting for Friday to party. Howard said he thinks this is around the time they took away the DJ's right to talk and just made them play records.
Howard said he hasn't seen that kind of energy on the radio since Jackie the Joke Man. Howard did his impression of Murray doing his lame ''Gotta get down'' thing. Robin said he used to deliver that on Fridays at 6pm.
Fred said the guy wasn't even a radio guy to start. He was like an ad guy or something. Howard said that no professional radio announcer would do that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that guy was annoying. He also said that Doug Stanhope interview was incredible. The guy asked what Bingo looks like. Howard said she's had to explain. He said they have pictures up on the web site though. He said he thinks she's very attractive.
The caller asked about Cousin Brucie and that got Howard into his impression of Brucie. The caller said he had him on recently when he wasn't able to sleep. He said he was doing a eulogy for Glen Campbell. Howard asked if he died. The caller said he didn't but Brucie must have thought he did. Howard said he has to find a clip of that. Howard did more of his impression of Bruce and did his eulogy for Glen Campbell. Howard did that with the echo on full. He kept it going for a couple of minutes.
Howard said he has to get a copy of that. He said if there is a god then he will put that in his hands. The caller asked if he can stop Ronnie from doing sex tips. He said that he ruined his Christmas and Easter. He said that his last tip was for Easter and it ruined it for him. Howard said he has a new JD sex tip if he wants to hear that. Fred played some clips of Ronnie giving tips around Christmas. Howard wondered if anyone has tried a Ronnie sex tip. The caller said he hasn't been able to get it up since hearing them.
Howard played the new JD sex tip and he said when you're giving a girl oral or whatever then you concentrate on the girl's clit. Howard said it doesn't make sense because the guy doesn't get any.
Howard said JD was stammering like crazy yesterday. Howard said someone said he sounds like someone in Pete's Dragon. Howard said it's a Disney movie. Howard played a clip and the dragon kind of mumbles like JD. He played a clip of JD in the movie instead of the voice of the dragon.
Howard said JD was stammering like crazy. He played some clips of him trying to talk. Howard said it's like Al Sharpton trying to read on MSNBC. Howard said there's a clip on the internet of him trying to read some things and it's great. He said he has that clip somewhere. JD told him where it was. Howard played the clip and Sharpton kept screwing up words that he was reading on the teleprompter. Howard said he can't watch his show. He said he can't believe he even has one. Howard said he gets weirded out by that whole thing.
Howard said he likes political talk. The caller asked about Dr. Laura. Howard said he can't watch that. The caller said that she's a rude prick. Howard said anyone who has that position on gay stuff he can't watch. Howard said she was all freaked out about Gays and it's time to grow up and get out of that.
Howard had a clip of Al Sharpton choking while he was trying to talk. Howard said he yells a lot too. The caller said he's like that Cleveland DJ. Howard said he never did hear of that guy before. Robin said he was in the 70s.
Howard let the caller go and said that he was a nice guy. Howard said that James Hetfield and Kirk Hammett from Metallica did the Star Spangled banner at a baseball game. Howard said it was really good. Howard played that clip next. They just played it on guitar. Howard said he loves that. He said they're so good. Howard said they take everything seriously. He said they didn't just go up and wing it. He said they did a duet and it was worked out in a great way. He said he loves it. Howard said it's hard to do that after Jimi Hendrix did his stirring version.
Howard played a clip of a news anchor saying ''fuck truck'' instead of fire truck. Howard said that was from a Rhode Island TV station.
Howard said he has a clip of a guy interrupting a reporter doing a street report. Howard said the guy just ran up. In the clip the guy asked the reporter out on a date. Howard said he tried to hit on her in the middle of it. Howard said the whole neighborhood was burning down and the guy thought it was awesome. He said she didn't know what to do.
Howard said he has a clip of a guy walking into a Walmart naked and a reporter asks him why he did it. The guy said he has had a problem with drugs in the past. He said he likes to do ecstasy. He said he had some meth instead and it made him crazy. Howard said he doesn't think he's been that fucked up that he'd walk into a store naked. Howard said he has more good ones but he has to take another break. He said he spent a lot of time with Doug and Bingo but he had to. He said that was just too much. Robin said that story about her almost being taken away as dead was great.
Howard played a clip of a news report about a guy who was shitting on people's lawns. Howard said that one guy got his house shit on like 16 times. Howard played the clip and the reporter was talking to people in the neighborhood about this guy who had been pooping on their lawns. One house was hit 6 times. The reporter said he uses paper towels to clean up and he leaves them on the sidewalk. Howard said it's either a weird compulsion or he's pissed. They went to break a short time later.
Howard said Pat Sajak is a god damn game show host. He said it's the most coveted job. He said he's a host of a word game Merv Griffin came up with at a party. He said it's like Hangman. Howard said that this is a guy whose job is so easy he doesn't even have to turn the letters.
Gary said he has a few other weird tweets. He read one about how he was proclaiming his heterosexuality. Howard said this guy is such an asshole. He said he hopes he says something that makes him lose his job. Howard said he is an empty headed idiot. He said he should be thinking about losing that job. He said we shouldn't even know anything about the guy. He said he should sit in a corner and shut up. Howard said he hasn't figured out that he's really nothing. He said no one is looking for an opinion from the guy. He said he's going to run himself right into trouble and hopefully out of a job. He said he hopes someone who deserves that job gets it.
Howard said this is only going toward disaster. He said the guy is nothing and he means nothing. He said he won't go down in history because he's nothing. Howard said Pat Sajak has figured out that global warming people are idiots. He said he's a big dummy and he hopes he loses his job.
Howard asked why he would even have a Twitter account. He said he can only get into trouble over it. Howard said he's a putz. Howard said he should refuse to tweet anything because he's the luckiest man in show business. He said he gets paid to play hangman on TV.
Robin read a story about a high school coach being put on leave for a racist rant they went on. Howard said that's like Pat Sajak. Howard wondered why he'd do that. Robin had some audio of the guy yelling. Howard said kids have things to record with these days. Howard said that guy is a big dummy too. He said he's a high school coach. He said there's nothing like being yelled at by a gym teacher.
Robin read a story about a 9 and 12 year old who tried to poison their teacher's water with rat poison. Howard said he's hung up on the fact that the 9 and 12 year olds are in the same class. Robin said she's not sure they are. She said they may have just been working together. Howard said he just got a note saying that they are in the same grade. They're both in 4th. Robin said they should both be 9.
Howard said he got a lot of email about the bit he did yesterday where he talked about what goes on inside Ronnie's brain. He read a couple of those. Howard had a couple of other emails he read through about weird classes in college and things like that. Howard did a live commercial read and then went to break after that.
After the break, around 9:30am, we heard a bit about Eric the Actor getting shows canceled. Fred also played The Who's ''Baba O'Riley'' as they were coming back. He had some Hank the Dwarf audio that he played over that too.
Howard came back and did another live commercial read. After that he said he heard Kevin Smith say that he always got his news from Robin. He said he was on Greg Fitzsimmons' show when he said that.
Robin read a story about how Channing Tatum said in an interview that he's a high functioning alcoholic. Howard said that's interesting. Robin said that she's not sure if that's a good role model. Howard said a lot of people lie about it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he watches The Five like Howard does. He said that they don't believe in climate change and a lot of those type of things. He said they're things that Howard believes in. He asked why he likes that. Howard said he loves hearing opinion and opinionated people. He said that he enjoys that type of rhetoric. The caller said Greg Gutfeld is also the most unfunny guy. Howard disagreed. He said he enjoys the show so what can he tell him.
Howard said he watches a lot of FOX news and MSNBC. He said he likes opinion. Howard said that people who have no opinion are bores. Howard said when he was a little boy his parents would have their friends over and they'd have fierce political arguments. He said he loved hearing them. He said they all had political opinions and he loved their passion. He said it turned him on to listen. He said many times with his own friends he would try to instigate political discussion. He said they'd look at him and look like ''Who gives a fuck?'' Howard said they want to talk about Kim Kardashian and things like that. He said he can get into that too but he likes options. Robin said there is a show on FOX news with 4 pretty women and one old curmudgeon guy. Howard said that's The Five. Robin said it's something different.
Howard took a call from Jim in Raleigh. He said that it was 30 years ago today that he did his first Letterman appearance. Howard asked how he knew that. Jim said he's heard him mention it and they've mentioned it on Letterman. Jim asked if he remembers that. Howard said he doesn't remember much about it. He said he remembers the pressure. He said he wouldn't want to be back there again. He said he had to prove to the world that he was the greatest and he had a chip on his shoulder. He said that's just horrible. Jim said that was a huge moment in his career. Howard said he guesses. He said he was appreciative of it. He said he felt horrible about being in local radio. He said it was only people in New York or Washington DC who knew him. He said he wanted to be on in other markets. He said when they did put him on in other markets he had to start all over to let people know what he had done.
Howard said he's sure Mark and Brian weren't bad guys but he'd go into these markets and start all over as a beginner. He said it would make him nuts. Howard said he was like Paul Revere going from town to town with his lantern. Howard said he had to prove himself in a new city and he was bitter. He said when he did Letterman people would see him all at once around the country. He said he couldn't stand being on shitty radio going from one city to the next. Howard said he was like the Fuller brush guy going from door to door. He said he was on a medium that didn't have a national audience. He said he knew they could do it around the country but he was told his show wouldn't work in Philadelphia. Howard said that's like telling Letterman his show won't work around the country. He said it was a fucking nightmare. Howard said his bosses didn't understand a fucking thing. Howard said he's glad it's almost over.
Howard said he has had a dream where he's in a toilet trying to dig his way out of shit. He said it never ends. Howard said that people say he's lucky and this is so easy. He said it's not easy. He said his brothers in radio understand. He said you wonder when it's going to get easier. Howard said if you fuck up in one market you can go to another. He said he had bosses telling him that he wouldn't work in other markets. Howard said every market is the same. He said that he had to threaten to quit his job. He said his boss would say he was going to fail in L.A. and then he'd do so well they'd end up buying the radio station.
Howard said that one great thing about satellite is that it's all over the country. He said one day it will be the dominant medium. Howard said he was number one in Philly, LA and New York. He said then they put him on in one more market. Then one more. He said he had to start all over in those markets. Howard said he could have been out of there if Jim hadn't reminded him of that. Jim said he thought it was going to go in a different direction. Howard let him go and read a live commercial.
Robin read a story about Iran and what's going on over there after a woman was kissed by the chief of the Cannes film festival. Howard wondered what planet we're on.
Robin said the song ''Happy'' is nothing but trouble. Robin said one girl died when she texted about the song and now the song prompted three men and three women dancing to it and now they've been arrested. Robin said the police chief said the video is a vulgar clip and the women were shown without veils in the video. Howard said there are so many dumb people in this world. He wondered why God would do that.
Robin read a story about what people should do when you're thinking about getting married. Robin said the first thing to do is talk about finances. Robin said that they have to review their credit reports too. Howard said you should know the person already. Robin read some other suggestions they had in the story.
Robin read about Donald Sterling and what's going on with him and the NBA. Robin said they are trying to oust Sterling from owning the team. Robin said that they want to be able to sell the team instead of just taking it away. Howard said he doesn't like the guy but a bunch of guys making him decide to sell it seems wrong. He said he owns the team and he has the right to fight that. Howard said Billionaires are used to getting what they want. He said they think the world is playing by their rules. He said Sterling isn't used to this. Robin said he may fight it but he won't win. Robin read that the ex-wife tried to keep the tape from becoming public. Robin said she's not so innocent in this whole thing. Robin said Dr. Phil is going to be interviewing V. Stiviano and she's enjoying the spotlight that she's in right now. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about a meat recall. Robin said a Michigan company is recalling nearly 2 million pounds of meat over E.Coli contamination. Robin said that at least 11 people have gotten ill from tainted meat. Robin said that the meat may have been distributed nationwide.
Robin said Google is now the number one brand in the world. They took over the spot from Apple. Robin said they say Apple's brand value dropped by 20 percent to the number 2 slot. Howard said that's amazing. They were just a search engine. He said that they could have invented that. Robin said when she was in South America the natives down there Googled her to find out who she was.
Robin read a story about Pennsylvania voting down the ban on same sex marriage. Howard said 50 years from now people are going to feel like assholes for being on the wrong side of that argument.
Howard did a live commercial read for Tommy John underwear and had Ralph on the phone to talk about that. Ralph said he has about 3000 pair of them. He said Howard loves parading around in them too. Howard said he asks Ralph how his ass looks in them. Ralph said he is more of a briefs kind of person. Howard said he loves these things. He said he feels sexy in these things. He said he has them in purple and other weird colors.
Ralph said he was calling to give his opinion on the various Craft Services they've had. Howard said no one cares about that. He said he just wanted him on for the underwear thing.
Robin read about Michael Jace's wife's death being a case of domestic abuse. Robin had a clip of an official talking about how they had a history of domestic disputes. Howard said he doesn't understand a guy beating a woman. He said he should have just gotten out of the house. He said he should just fucking leave. Robin said the woman had just come home when Jace allegedly shot his wife.
Robin said Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith are being looked at because their 13 year old was seen in a photo in bed with a 20 year old. Robin said they are going to meet with the actor and Willow about what was going on. Howard wondered what's up with that. Robin said they're going to get to the bottom of that. Howard said he loves that. He said the whole system is overrun with problems and they have to look into this.
Robin read a story about the problems going on with the VA hospital.
Robin read about Toni Braxton talking about her abortion and why she did it. Robin said she admits that even if she wasn't on medication she probably would have ended the pregnancy. Robin said that she wonders if her second child has autism because God is punishing her for the abortion.
Robin said that the full sized Crackle bar is returning from Hersey. Robin said that it was only in a small size but they're bringing back the big one.
Robin said that fast food employees are going to protest McDonald's this week.
Robin read that there is a 9/11 museum and you can buy souvenirs at the gift shop. Howard said that's weird. Robin said they should just ask for donations. Robin said she doesn't want a 9/11 cup. Robin said that was not well thought out.
Robin read about how John Legend was given an honorary degree over the weekend. Robin had Howard play some of his number one song. Robin also had some of his speech he made at the commencement.
Robin read a story about the White House holding its first talent show. Robin had some audio from that. Howard said they should shoot ping pong balls out of their ass with that music.
Robin read a story about Charlize Theron being sick of people getting her name wrong. Robin said she was on Jimmy Fallon talking about how glad she was that Jimmy got her name right. Howard said she should get a name that works. Howard said the first lady of New York has an unusual name too. He said it's Charline. Howard said he kind of digs her for coming out about how hard it is to raise kids. Howard said he admires her telling the truth. Howard said they give her shit for that calling her a bad mom. Robin said it's supposed to be a natural thing and not something you have to learn.
Robin wrapped up and said that Kerri Kasem was given more control over her father. The judge also said that they have to turn over his passport so he can't leave the country. Howard wrapped up and ended the show around 10:25am.
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Jon said he thinks that Bobo defends himself well. He said he thinks he came off pretty good today. He said Howard is going to keep picking up on him. He said the more of a character they are the more he'll go back to them.
Jon said he thinks that Mariann and Bobo talk up the show very well. He said Howard talked about how Howard likes The Five because he likes people with strong opinions. He said he can listen to others say what they believe. He said that makes you a smarter person. He said it's better than turning it off.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he has a comment about Bobo and the seat belt laws. He asked who Bobo is to tell him to wear a seat belt. Jon said he is a driving instructor. He said he has some experience. The caller said he's a truck driver for 25 years and he doesn't think they should tell you that you have to wear a seat belt or wear a helmet. The caller said that Bobo is trying to make the seat belt law a nationwide thing. He said he's anti seat belt. Jon asked why. The caller asked if he plans on getting into an accident. Jon said no but he's learned to get comfortable with it. The guy said no one should tell someone how to be safe. Jon said you have to respect the law wherever you are.
Jon took a call from Bobo who said that guy made an idiotic statement about seat belts. He said that his mission is to change the laws about back seats. He said when you're 17 you don't have to wear a seat belt in the back seat. He said that we lost 3,600 laws in the country to back seat passengers who don't wear belts. Gary said that it should be your choice though. He said he doesn't think you should be made to do it.
Jon said he thought Bobo handled himself very well this morning. He asked him why people are so put off by him. Bobo said he thinks that they're not real Howard Stern fans. He said you don't have to like him but you do have to respect him for the time and dedication he put into the show. Bobo said he's a good guy and a responsible guy. He said he does this for entertainment purposes. He said they have no idea what he's done. Jon asked if Bobo has the right to be offended. Gary said he has been listening for a long time. He said he does get painted as one of those guys at a Star Trek convention but he has a job and a life. He said he's really into the show which is crazy but he has a life and a job.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks Bobo doesn't have a life. He said he thinks that he stalks Howard and the show members. Gary asked Bobo when he's not obsessed with the show does he do other things. Bobo said he coaches his kid's baseball team. Gary said a real lunatic wouldn't even do that. He asked if he has any other hobbies. Bobo said the show is his main hobby. He said he goes out on his boat to fish too. The caller said he thinks that he has to do that stuff as a father. Gary said that's not true at all. He said there are parents who don't do anything like that. Bobo said he has always been hands on with his kids. Gary said he has seen parents barely slow down to drop their kids off to a game.
Bobo said that he flew out to Chicago and spoke in front of 160 people at an awards show. He said that he won an award for his driving instruction. He said that he got a standing ovation. Bobo said they don't give that to just anyone. Bobo said he teaches a very dynamic class and real entertaining. He said that's what he does and a lot of people don't know that. He said that he has done that for 25 years.
Jon took a call from Wheels who said Bobo is fine. He said when he calls in and leaves messages for Gary saying he's having a heart attack it's just wrong. He said he's usually fine. He said sometimes he says dumb shit though. He said he has done that in the past.
Wheels said that calling in saying he's having a heart attack is ridiculous. Wheels asked where the tickle chair is. Bobo sold it. He said he got $2,300 for that. Gary asked if it's safe to say the person who bought it is as big of a fan. Bobo said the guy is a super fan. Benjy wondered why he would sell it. Bobo said he wouldn't sell it to someone who is going to sell it for profit. He said the guy was from Canada and he wanted it in his man cave. He said he used the money for going to Disney World. He said that he needed the space too.
Gary said that is a one of a kind thing. Jon said he was surprised he sold it. Gary asked if he had any seller's remorse. Bobo said he did. He said it bothered him a lot. He said he was bummed out for a week or so. Bobo said he felt guilty for selling it and the fans said he wasn't a real fan. Bobo said he sold it because he needed space and the money.
Benjy asked if that guy who bought it refused to sell it, does that mean he's a bigger fan. Bobo said no. He said the guy is really into the show and he made sure of that before selling it.
Bobo told Gary the reason you want to wear a seat belt because you control the vehicle's fate. He said that's why he pushes for that. They went to break a short time later.
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Jon asked Richard if he's going to go down to the hotel to get the beer that Doug Stanhope left for him. Richard said he might. He said he'd hate for it to go to waste. Richard said he appreciate them even thinking about him. He said he likes any beer too.
Jon said that interview was all over the place today. Gary said that Doug is very funny and they have a very different life. Gary said the most interesting part of the whole thing was when Bingo didn't want to go to that place to talk about the guy who killed himself. He said that has to be a really dark place for her to not want to go there.
Jon said they've been through a lot. He said you can't come out of that thinking straight. Gary said they were talking about when Doug's mom died and how they though it was beautiful. Gary said he wishes there was a way to handle imminent death in a more celebratory way. He said he's not sure that their roast of dying people is going to end up on Comedy Central. Benjy asked if he would watch it. Gary said he probably would.
Jon said when it comes to ''pulling the plug'' on a family member he wonders if they could do it. Jon said he could if they were suffering. He said taking someone's life is a tough thing though. Benjy said he might be able to do it if he knew it was their wish. He said he'd do it if they were breaking down and they really wanted it. Gary said his mom is 87 and she's doing fine but if the day comes that he has to do it it's going to be really tough.
Jon said there are people who say pull the plug so they don't suffer. He said there are others that want to wait until the last minute to make sure there's nothing that can save them.
Jon asked JD if he could do it. JD said if they can still talk and beg him to do it he may do that. Gary said there's a thing called a DNR. He said it's do not resuscitate. He asked JD if that would work for him. JD said he's not sure. He said he hasn't come to that conclusion yet.
Jon said the DNR thing is something that's really tough. He said you may star to think differently if they're in that situation. Richard said he thinks even if he was in a vegetative state he might be in a dream land. He said he might want to stay there. Richard said he'd like for his family to put beer in his IV line and let him be. He said if he's a burden then he wouldn't want to stay that way.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he suffers from mental illness himself. He said that in a relationship like Doug and Bingo's one of them has to be the parental one. He said that it can be hard to have a sexual relationship. He said that he thinks that Doug is the parental figure and that's why it's hard to be sexual with the other person. He said he has that with his wife too. The caller said you have to make sure they take their medicine and things like that. He said you have to deal with a lot every day and it's absurd thinking and actions or whatever. They had to take another break after that.
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Jon said that Johnny Depp story was crazy too. Gary said that he doesn't think that he'd be able to run up a $15,000 bill in two weeks. Benjy said he thinks that's the room too. Gary said he might be right about that.
Jon asked if they'll ever see the Johnny Depp project. Gary said he doesn't know but he'd like to. He said that he'd love to be able to just call people to come over and just hang out and entertain him like that. Benjy said maybe this is the way Johnny Depp gets people to hang out with him. He may not have a project but he tells them he does to get them to hang out.
Jon asked Richard about getting the call to be on the show. Richard said he had a dream to do that and it was so cool when they asked him to. He said he'd do the same thing that they're doing.
Jon asked when Richard was on the show the first time. Richard said it was in 2003 in Las Vegas. He said that he was sober too. Richard said he was afraid he'd suck if he was drunk. He said he figured he'd go on sober and drink afterward. Jon asked if he could make it through a whole show without drinking. Richard said he has done it before. Jon asked if he thinks if they did a drinking show would he be able to communicate by the end of the show. Richard said no. He said he'd have a plan and he'd get a beer that's like 2 percent alcohol. He said that way he wouldn't be passed out halfway through the show.
Richard said he remembers laughing so hard when Stuttering John spilled a drink on someone. Gary said that was Jacob Dylan. Benjy said he threw up on Robin. Gary said that's right. Gary said Benjy asked to ask Jacob Dylan a question and Howard said no a bunch of times. Then Benjy sang ''How many roads must you...'' and it was hysterical. He said it was a pajama party too so he was wearing pajamas.
Gary said they had a drinking show in Vegas that was by accident. He said that was the show with Rob Schneider. He said they all got shots of tequila and they all clanked glasses and they actually drank. He said about 40 minutes later he turned to Jason and told him that he was producing the show because he had no idea where he was anymore. He said that was the time they had to bring Artie back to his room in a wheelchair.
Jon asked JD about giving out his sex tips. JD said he did a couple and he doesn't have to give out all of his secrets to the public. Benjy asked JD if he is really good at pleasing a woman in the bedroom. Benjy said he hasn't had any complaints yet. Gary asked if he has a giant dick. JD sounded shocked and said ''What!?'' He said he's not sure if it's giant but it does the job. Richard asked if he's longer or girthier. JD said he's decent at both. He said he's not beer can thick.
Jon asked JD about the clip today of the guy doing the director's cut of the masturbation, how did he find that. JD said it was on one of the web sites he checks on daily. He said it was on a porn site. He said they have gay and straight porn on the site. Richard asked if he saw the preview and clicked on it. JD said he did. Richard said he just finds it funny he saw the thumbnail of a guy masturbating and clicked on it. JD said he does that to see if it's worthy of playing on the show. He said that one was.
Gary asked Richard about the weirdest sound he's ever heard from JD's room. Richard said he hears JD grunting but he has headphones on so he can't hear the clips. Richard said JD asked him how to spell piss the other day and he knew he was watching piss porn videos.
Benjy asked Richard if he thinks that Sal has orgasmed in the office when he's been there. Richard said he hasn't while he's been in there. He said he's not sure Sal would want him reminding people of what he's done in the past. He said you'll have to listen to the old shows for that. Jon ended the show on that note. They were done around 11:15am.
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Gary asked what the dynamic is going to be if Elisa comes in and gets topless. He said they may not be able to look Benjy in the eye after that. He said it's a strange thing. Jon said it's already awkward. He said that she has nothing to hide but Benjy is going to be very protective of her and he may not let it happen.
Gary said that Elisa appears to have great tits. He said if they do show them he's wondering if they can reference her tits in the future. Jon said they can. Gary said that it might upset Benjy. Jon said it might. He said if you want to get under his skin they'll take that shot all the time. Gary said that it will be weird to have that going on. He said he can tell it will bother Benjy.
Gary asked if Benjy didn't protect his girlfriend by not fighting that whole thing. Jon said he thinks there's a part of Benjy that's okay with the whole thing. He said he might be okay with it if Elisa is okay with it.
Gary said that Jon doesn't have to tell his wife not to do something. She just won't do it. Jon said that his relationship is different than Benjy and Elisa's. He said it might not be a big deal for them. Jon said he can only imagine what his conversations must be like with her.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Elisa said ''if things are going the way they are now'' she'd be up for kissing a guy. He said if they get better then she'd say no. He said Benjy started interrupting Howard and Howard moved on. He asked how solid that relationship is. Gary said he hopes Benjy will come in so they can ask him. He said he doesn't want to speculate without him. Jon said they really don't know where they stand right now. Gary said they know very little about that relationship.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks that will be Benjy's out. He said that they seem to be on the rocks already and he may back out because of that. Gary said he thinks if there is something not right going on it still has to bother a guy. Jon said he doesn't think it'll be an out at all. He said he thinks it'll bug Benjy if she takes off her top on the show. Gary said that it will be a lot of ''How did you let that get away?''
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Benjy would feel more ashamed about the finger up his ass or making out with the guy. Gary said he wishes Benjy was there so they could ask him. He said he thinks that the kissing is more intimate. He said that the finger thing is something you can think of as an exam. Jon said he thinks the kissing is more intimate too. Jon said he thought the guy was talking about Elisa making out with another guy. Gary said he thought he was talking about Benjy making out. Gary said kissing someone and feeling stubble might freak him out a bit.
Jon took another call from a guy who said he thinks Benjy will be doing a homosexual act. He said that the prostate exam is one thing but this is gay. Gary said that wasn't his choice of doing that. He said he has agreed to do it but he didn't choose to do it.
Jon asked the caller if he thinks Benjy can lose the weight. The caller said he thinks he has shown he can do it in the past. He said he thinks he can do it.
Gary said this is a number Benjy came up with. He said this isn't what they chose. Gary said he must think it's attainable.
Jon asked Gary if he thinks he can do it. Gary said totally. Benjy came in and Gary said he was watching the birthday show video and Benjy was in it. He said he appears to have put on a few pounds since then. Benjy said he was wearing a suit at the time. He said the last couple days he lost a few. Gary said he thinks he gains weight in his face. Benjy said that 12 pounds for him is a lot. He said he was trying to lose weigh for the birthday show. He said he probably was about 15 pounds less at the time. That was at the end of January.
Gary asked Benjy about what's worse for him, the kissing a guy or the finger up his ass. Benjy said the kiss is. He said he thinks about how some things are kind of gross psychologically. Gary said Benjy used to go to a bar and meet a girl and he didn't think about that stuff. Benjy said that's your sexual desire overcoming that.
Gary said Carol Leifer had a joke that was really funny. He said that a woman would ask for a spare toothbrush because she didn't want germs but they obviously weren't thinking about what they did the night before. Jon said they had to go to break a short time later.
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Gary asked if they discussed it that night. Benjy said they did. Gary asked if he asked why she didn't say no. Benjy said she sort of did. He said she didn't agree to the whole thing. Benjy said he doesn't know what will happen if it comes down to it. He said it won't come to it though.
Jon asked Benjy if he decides that she should go do it. He asked how he'd feel. Benjy said he thinks she's beautiful. He said proud isn't the right word to use but there's something like using his girlfriend that way that feels wrong. Gary said that people might poke him with that whole thing in the future. Benjy didn't seem bothered by that.
Gary asked Benjy about what Elisa said about how if things are the way they are now she'd be willing to do it but if they get better then maybe not. Benjy said they're okay. He said they've been going out for 2 and a half years or something like that and they love each other very much. He said they like each other too but it's not always perfect. Gary said he just described every relationship. Jon asked if the marriage thing is there and if he has to put up or shut up. Benjy said no but he said Elisa wants to know that it's leading there. Benjy said she has problems with his past as well. He said the way he used to be is a problem. He said it bothers her.
Jon asked Benjy if he fears that he'll fall back into that mindset. Benjy said he doesn't think it's a problem. He said he's discussed it in therapy.
Benjy said Howard has put it really well about him needing sex. He said he can gorge himself on food and never be satisfied. He said he was treating sex like that too. He said he feels he was in that mindset. Gary said he thinks it's real in some cases and Benjy may have been there with sex addiction.
Jon asked Benjy if he misses being that way. Jon said heroin addicts miss it at times. Benjy said he misses parts of it. He said he can see people saying put your energy toward your wife or whatever. He said he likes that aspect. He said there are things that he misses like going to strange apartments. Gary asked if it's an adrenaline rush. Benjy said it's just cool seeing someone else's life.
Gary said he knows that Benjy would walk into an apartment of someone he had just met online hours before. He asked if he ever worried about getting his head chopped off. Benjy said that he didn't really. He said maybe there is a little bit there. He said he likes to walk in scary areas at times and there is a thrill there.
Jon asked Benjy about being monogamous. Benjy said he doesn't like that word. He said he wishes there was another word for it. Jon said he can have great sex in monogamy. Jon said that you can open up your life to variety and stay faithful to your spouse. Benjy said he wouldn't want to do that with Elisa. Jon said that's his struggle then. Benjy said he doesn't want to do that whole thing. He said it's a closed relationship. Jon asked if that's his struggle. Benjy said it's not. Gary asked what the struggle is. Benjy said he doesn't know. He said it is a struggle though. He said he's happy day to day.
Jon asked JD if he has sexual addict tendencies. JD said there is a little bit of a fear of that. He said he has had relatives who have had problems with addiction. He said that's why he won't take drugs. He said he's afraid of getting addicted. Benjy said that's why he didn't drink when he first got there. Jon asked if he has an addictive personality. JD said he's not sure. He said he isn't looking to find out if he does when it comes to drugs and alcohol. Jon asked about sex. JD said he's okay right now he thinks. He said it hasn't affected things. He said it's not disrupting anything. He said that there haven't been any terrible consequences so far.
Gary said he thinks that JD is like any normal 30-something guy. He said he does things in a lot less social way with women. Benjy said that social media is the way people meet these days.
Benjy asked if JD has too much of an immediate gratification addiction. JD said he might. Jon said they had to take another break so he told JD to hold onto that thought.
Sal said the first time he saw a Playboy he had great feelings. He said now he doesn't get that. He said he needs a lot of stimulation to get himself going. Sal said that he denies himself porn and a basic picture can get him off now. He said he saw a girl in tight leather pants got him off. He said that he was turned on by that. He said Dr. Fisch was right about being over stimulated. He said get away from it and it's much better.
Sal said he used to watch campfire orgies with old people and that was getting him off. He said that wasn't his intent in life. He said that it can get crazy for you if you keep watching porn. He said that it's different for everyone. He said once you get to that point then it's time to throw it all away.
Jon asked Sal when he found the picture was he getting ready to masturbate or did he just see it and want to masturbate. Sal said he doesn't even look at women walking down the street. He said he wants to get back to a natural state of stimulation. He said that this magazine was some woman's magazine at home. He said it was Good Housekeeping or some shit. Gary asked if he took the magazine with him. Sal said he was just flipping through it and he was getting worked up. He said he went to the bathroom to take a number 2 and thought about the pictures.
Benjy said that there are people who have a problem with food and they get hungry. Some people just eat and never feel hungry. He asked if Sal is really hungry for sex or not. He said his guess is not. Benjy asked if the boner is really stimulation. Sal said he got a boner from it without touching it. Sal said he's 45 now and he doesn't really get boners that much.
Jon asked Sal how much he's going to have to abstain from the porn. Sal said that the sex is better with his wife and he thinks that she's okay with it too. He said that he still goes to his sites for content for the show but that's it. He said he still looks at that stuff and it's not a problem. Gary asked if he still gets stimulated by it. Sal said he does but he tries to suppress those feelings.
Gary said he has a friend who was a beer drinker and he changed to O'Douls to get off of it. He asked if that's what Sal is doing with porn. Sal said maybe he is. He said that it's been great though. He said he's telling guys that if you stop looking at women then every aspect of your sex life will get better.
Jon asked what brought this on. Sal said it was Dr. Fisch. He said that he was the one who said you can become desensitized if you watch too much porn.
Benjy said about a year ago he was going to tell Jon that he stopped masturbating. He said he knew Jon didn't do it. He said he thought Jon was a freak for that. Benjy said that their general manager at K-Rock said he didn't masturbate and maybe this is what he was doing. He was putting all of that into his relationship. Sal said he thinks that's true. He said he can't even believe he's saying that. Sal said if you want the most out of that moment of sex then do what he's doing.
Gary wondered if Sal is going to end up on one of those shows talking about how he was an ex-porn addict. Sal said he still likes porn. He said his wife doesn't like pornography but if he added it to that moment it would be really incredible. He said it could enhance that whole thing. He said it could be that much better.
Gary said one of the things Sal liked watching was women being humiliated. He said that's something that he hasn't addressed. Sal said he was thinking about what got him to that point. He said he remembers the first time he saw someone getting pissed on and it turned him on. He said his brother in law had some tapes that they used to watch when he was maybe 24 years old. He said that's where he saw the piss porn stuff. Sal said he had a lot of porn and he didn't have any of his own at the time. Sal said his mom would have found it. Sal said they watched some basic porn. He said that he had a video from Europe and this guy dangles his dick over this woman's face and starts to pee on her. He said he saw that and she loved it. Sal said it was amazing to him that she was loving it. He said he felt like he was at another level. He said he wanted to chase that stimulation. Sal said if he didn't watch so much porn he'd be content where he is. He said he thinks he allowed it to manifest itself. Jon said he took it so high and so far that he needed that to get aroused.
Benjy said that Gary is calling it an issue. He said he thinks that it's much deeper. Benjy said Sal was humiliated so much as a kid and he has issues there. Sal said he saw things when he was 7 and then 15 that got him going. Benjy said he might like being dominant to a woman. Sal said he just likes sex. He said if you pull back then you might have a better experience.
Gary said that it's not an issue as long as you don't see all women that way. Sal said things are good and they're great for his head. He said his focus is a lot better. He said he loves jerking off but if you enjoy sex you might find that you have a better time sexually.
Jon said he's looking forward to seeing how Sal feels two weeks from now. Jon said he thinks he's going to end the show on this. Benjy said that Howard mentioned the other day that Howard has cut back on his porn. Jon said he says he's not masturbating as much too. They ended the show a short time later. They were done around 11:05am.
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Jon asked Benjy what he was doing. Benjy was posing for a picture that Sal was taking. Sal said he thinks that he wants a finger up his ass because he's constantly eating. Gary said yesterday Benjy had a giant array of peanuts in front of him. Benjy said they were salted nuts. Gary said he's not sure what diet he's on but it might not work. Benjy said Lisa G was sitting next to him and she asked why he wasn't eating grapes. Benjy whispered back to her ''I like nuts.'' He said he found it funny she'd ask why he wasn't eating grapes.
Gary asked what Benjy's diet plan is. Benjy said it's low call and only eating when he's hungry. He said it's also nutritious stuff. Jon asked if he's exercising. Benjy said he's walking back and forth to work every day. He said he's also doing 6 reps on the bench machine. Jon said he's not sure that will work for weight loss.
Gary told Benjy he should drop weights completely for this contest. He said he should only do aerobics. Benjy said he doesn't want to lose a lot of muscle. He said he thinks he'll be okay.
Jon said he has to stay active. He said he has to keep moving. Benjy said he's feeling very energetic. He said when he's not pigging out he feels very energetic. Gary asked if he's eating candy. Benjy said he puts some chocolate beans in his smooothies and stuff.
Sal said he heard Benjy mention to Elisa that they were going to have no dinners during this diet. Benjy said he loves going out to eat and Elisa orders a lot and doesn't eat it. He said he ends up eating it himself. Benjy said she likes to try different things and he ends up eating what she doesn't eat.
Sal said he likes going out to dinner. He said at his age there isn't much else to do. Jon asked if he's found that he's eating more now that he's cut back on porn. Sal said he orders a salad and splits that and then he splits the entree too. He said that keeps you from eating too much. Jon asked if he doesn't like sharing. Sal said he has no problem sharing it. He said his wife hates sharing though so he has to share with the other couple. He said he went out with his friends Rob and Amy a few weeks ago and he split the entree with them instead of his wife. He said his wife just said no when he asked her to split it.
Jon said that sucks for the other guy. Sal said that he liked it. He said he usually splits it with the husband of the other couple. Jon asked if he doesn't share at all with his wife. Sal said yeah. He said he loves sharing stuff though.
Benjy asked if he likes eating less. Sal said that's why he does it. He said if Jon did that he'd lose that bowling pin ass of his. Jon said he agrees it would help but he's never going to lose that ass.
Jon asked JD if he shares. JD said he has never gone out to a dinner like that and shared. JD said he would rather have his own dish but he can adapt to whatever. Sal said JD orders his own lunch and he gets like 3 compartments of food. He said he'll have mounds of food in there. He said he'll get mounds of noodles or mashed potatoes with the meal. He said it's like a buffet in one container. Sal told him to just not get the two sides.
Jon said Sal has tricks for everything. Sal said he does have a lot. He said he has many ways of saving on calories. He had a suggestion for getting a wrap and taking some of the wrap out and you can save like 100 calories. Gary said that a wrap is basically a bagel crushed down. He said Sal is right about taking it out. Sal said those wraps are like 450 calories alone.
Jon asked JD about his directing job that's coming up this week. JD said he thinks he's prepared. He said he has the script and the scene worked out. He said he has it blocked out in his head. JD said he wants to go through it again and figure some things out. He said he wants to make some notes about editing. Jon said they're into improv. JD said they are. He said he wants to take at least two takes and maybe another one. He said he doesn't want to go too crazy with the takes.
Jon asked if he has thought about his own wardrobe. JD said he went out and got about $200 worth of new clothes. He said he bought a shirt that was $54. Benjy asked if that was hard for him to do. JD said he didn't like that at all. He said he got a sport coat kind of thing too. He said he thinks he's covered.
Gary asked where he went shopping. JD said he went to Uniclo. Gary said he figured that. He said you can't get that much for so little.
Sal told JD that he should let a woman dress him because they're putting on you what they want to see on you. JD said no one was available to go with him.
Jon said the sport coat sounds nice but it might be 85 degrees out there. JD said he'll deal with it when he gets there. He said he has fairly decent clothes and he'll deal.
Gary asked if he has a schedule yet. JD said he does not. Gary said he should get in touch with them and find out. Gary said he put him in touch with them and he should make sure. JD said he was in touch with Rob and Richie and he didn't know anything else. He said he's been in touch with the director back and forth. Gary said he should get on the phone to find out things that he'll be doing out there. Gary said he put JD in touch with those guys and he wanted to make sure a film crew was going out there with JD. He said he doesn't think JD was able to put it all together himself.
JD said he didn't want to be that annoying guy. Jon said he should have the tools he needs to get the job done. JD said he knows.
Sal asked if he has a script. JD said he does. Sal told him to go in there with his balls out and make this thing happen.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they're going to have his full name or his JD name. JD said he's not sure how it will show up if it shows up at all. He said it'll probably be JD Harmeyer. JD said more people know him as JD.
Benjy asked JD if he would rather stay JD or be Jamie. JD said that's hard to answer. He said he's fine either way. He said he answers to both Jamie and JD. He said when he yells at himself he yells out Jamie. JD said when he is editing something and he misses it he might say ''God damn it Jamie!''
Jon said he thinks that JD is his Hollywood name. He said that's what JD has said himself. Sal asked if Jon is ever referred to as Jonathan. Jon said his grandmother calls him that but that's about it.
Benjy asked if they love their names. Gary said he doesn't. He said he doesn't like Gary as a first name. He said he'd rather be Jonathan.
Benjy said he loves Benjamin Bronk. Sal said he doesn't have a middle name. His confirmation name is Luigi. He said as a kid he wanted his name changed to Luigi. He said his cousin was named Luigi and he looked up to him as a kid. He said when he met people as a kid he'd introduce himself as Luigi. Jon said they had to take a break after that.
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Benjy said that he thinks that Janks was being honest. Jon said he has never had a gay experience though. He didn't even have a name that he came up with as far as being attracted to someone. Gary said Janks told him in his emails to him that he wanted to come out of there with this dignity. Maybe that's why he didn't want to go there. Jon said he was thinking maybe Janks was into Howard and that's why he didn't want to say anything.
Jon asked Sal about what he thinks about that whole thing. Sal said he's a prankster and he hasn't been on the air for a while now. He said maybe he's trying to pull off one of the biggest pranks ever. He said that if you like a woman you an explain what you like. He said Janks said he wanted something spiritual and that's just weird.
Jon said that Sal talks about spiritually all the time. Sal said it has nothing to do with a physical relationship though. Benjy said he was talking about a connection though. He said if he just said that then it's not that odd.
Gary asked what kind of vagina Sal likes. Sal said he likes it shaved. Jon said Sal loves elderly porn though. He said that's anything but shaved, tight and right. Sal said you have to dig through it. He said sometimes you find the right stuff.
Sal said that the vagina drops like testicles do. He said that's true. He said if you look at older women you'll see that it has dropped. He said that doesn't bother him but he has seen older women with vaginas hanging down like a ball sack with a slit in it.
Gary said he has seen porn sites but he thinks it's crossing the line to bookmark the links. Sal does that. Sal said he saves stuff that might be worth going back to. He said he hasn't gone to that stuff lately though.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Janks has been on the show for 25 years or whatever. He said he asked him if he had any gay feelings in his teens and Janks didn't have an answer. Benjy said that he grew up in a place where he felt he could have been beaten up and killed for coming out. He asked the caller if he thinks Janks is lying. The caller said he thinks that he is attempting to perpetrate a last prank on the King of All Media. He said Janks is the greatest prankster of all time. He said he hasn't had any time with Howard lately.
Jon said he agrees that it's a way to get on the show by saying you're gay. He asked Gary if Janks has pranked Howard before. Gary said he doesn't know if he has. He said Janks had been doing some pranks in the past few years and he hasn't had them played lately. He said they have passed on him a few times. He said it's possible he wanted to get on to have Howard play some of his old pranks.
Benjy said it is possible but he asked Gary if he felt it was an honest thing. Gary said it did feel that way. He said he had conversations with him before he was on and that felt real too. Gary said he could be playing him but it felt real to him.
Jon asked JD what he thinks. JD said he's a bit skeptical. He said he said a few things that made him question it. JD said he wants to give him the respect that he deserves and the benefit of the doubt. He said he didn't get into too much detail about anything. Gary asked if he did prank them do they celebrate him as a great prankster. Sal said he thinks that if they really want to find out they should have him on to do something gay or they ban his calls from the show forever. He said you don't prank Howard Stern. He said you can prank anyone on the show but Howard. He said you just don't do that.
Benjy said that he thinks Howard would love it if he was pranked. He said he doesn't think that he'd be upset. Benjy said it's really not that much of a prank either. Gary agreed with him on that. They went to break after that.
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Gary said he had a friend named Guido who he went on vacation with in the 80s. He said Howard was surprised that it was a real name. He said Howard thought it was a slur.
Sal asked if Guy is a nickname for Guido. He said he knew a guy named Guido who changed his name to Guy. Sal said someone called asking for Guy and the secretary there didn't know he had changed his name to Guy. He said the guy calling canceled his account because of that confusion.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that she thinks Gary is hot. She said he is the one women want out of all of the guys on the show. She said she has talked to many women about that. She also said the vagina does not drop. She said it's the fat.
Jon asked why she's into Gary. The caller said that he's very handsome and she likes what he's doing with his facial hair. She said he has a great personality and he treats his wife great. Benjy said that's what she's basing it all on. He said he knows how women look at men and it's no tall about looks. Benjy said his face is more handsome than Gary's is. The caller said that he has great eyes but then he opens his mouth and ruins it. The caller said Gary has great eyes.
Sal said that the caller's profession is looking at vaginas and big, fat, stinky lips. He said Gary's mouth almost looks like a vagina. He said that's why she likes Gary's looks. She did mention that she was a gynecologist.
Gary said the caller wanted to defend his looks against King of All Blacks. He asked Sal if he thinks he is thinner than King. Sal said he is. He said King is like a black Jon Hein. He said they have the same face. Jon said he doesn't think he looks like him at all. Sal said he thinks Gary is attractive. He said Mary is a smoking piece of ass and he commends Mary for marrying Gary.
Sal was rating Gary and Jon and saying that women don't really go after looks. Sal said that's why a lot of women who hook up with good looking men don't have a happy life. He said that's why women go for the personality instead.
Jon wrapped up the show and had the guys get in their plugs. They were done around 11:05am.