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TDiHH: Howard's Mountain Biking - May 10, 1995. 05/10/12. 9:10am
Next on This Date in Howard History they played a segment from 1995 when Howard talked about his mountain biking.
In the clip Howard was telling Robin about his mountain bike outfit that he got and how he figured it would be good exercise for him. Howard said he ordered a bike that hasn't come yet. He said it's called a Waterford by Schwinn. Howard said Mr. Schwinn called himself and talked to him about it. Howard said he had to get measured for the bike since he's so tall. He said he did all of the measuring and they're working on the bike now. He said the whole summer will be over by the time he gets it.
Howard said he has another bike to use while he waits for that new one. He said he has the whole outfit going too. Howard told Robin about the shorts he has that you have to wear without underwear. He asked Fred about how that works since he's afraid of getting stains. Fred said you can wash them.
Howard said he has a special shirt and glasses to wear with the outfit. He said he puts a picture of Fred on his bike in the back pouch on his shirt.
Howard said the guy at the bike shop told him to learn how to get on the bike because you have to clip your shoes into the pedals. Howard said the only way to unpop your feet is to twist your ankle. Howard said he practiced on a stand at the bike shop. Howard said he got on the bike and popped his feet in. He said he got nervous and tried to kick his feet out. He said he fell right over when he wasn't able to do it. Howard said he went crashing.
Fred said he's crashed his bike. He said you have to click your feet out first and then stop. Howard said he knows. Howard said he got all banged up trying to do it. Howard said he wanted regular pedals but the bike guy told him to stick with that. Howard said he'd rather not be nervous while riding. He said he's ruining the whole thing for himself.
Howard asked Fred if he pops his feet in. Fred said he does but Howard should stick to the baskets for a while. Howard said he stuck with the pedals and he's used to it now. He said that you get locked in and you're one with the bike. Robin said she'd rather not be. Howard said he's getting used to it.
Gary said he has a suggestion for his seat problem. Howard said he has no problem. He said it's his feet, not seat.
Howard said there's nothing you can do when you can't get your feet out of the pedals. Howard said he didn't know what to do. Fred said he landed on his hip the first time it happened to him. Robin said they should know that. They're sending people out there to fall.
Howard said the cleats on your shoes make it very hard to walk. Howard said he almost fell walking too. Howard said he can't ride and he can't walk. He said biking became really complicated. He said those friggin' Italians did it.
Howard said bikes are very expensive. He said that people steal them and they're thinking about making a national registry for them. Howard said he saw a guy trying to sell one for $4,000.
Howard said his wife laughed at him in his bike shorts. Howard asked Fred if he shaves his legs. Fred said the reason they do that is so they heal faster when they crash. Howard said he's not sure he wants to do that.
Howard said he was in the bike store and this old dude walks in. He said he looked like he was in his 60s. He said he can just imagine what he looked like to that guy. Howard said he has a huge ass and he had the bulge and padding in there. Howard said he feels like a super hero dressed up like that. Howard said the old guy told him he could pass for Howard Stern. Howard told him he's not the first guy to tell him that. He said the guy warned him that he has a lot of enemies so he should watch himself. Howard said he told the guy he thinks the guy is funny. The older guy said he thinks that he looks like the president of Israel and he's had people throw stuff at him. Howard said the guy told him he turns Howard off because it gets disgusting and vile. Howard said he just agreed with the guy and walked off.
Howard said after that he went out and fell. He said he's glad Fred has done it. Fred said he did it in front of someone once. He said he's probably fallen off three times. Fred said one time he was going too slow and he should have had his foot out. Howard said he sees why people wear helmets now. He said you feel really stupid when you fall off.
Robin said she will never ride a bike like that. Howard said she will and he'll pull the tape of her saying she'll never get a cat if she wants.
Robin asked if Fred crashed with Gary once. Fred said he fell in a pothole. He said he ripped his fingertip off when he crashed. He said it healed up fine though. Fred said he could have tried to make it through but he crashed instead.
Howard said he's going to try rock climbing at Club Reebok too. Gary said that's what David Lee Roth does. Howard said he wants to give it a try. He said they simulate a wall of rock and he thinks he can do it.
Ralph came in and told Howard it's a two man project to do the rock climbing thing.
Howard Tries To Prove That Sal Is A Dummy. 07/25/07. 6:40am
Howard read some mail about Sal's run in with Russell Simmons yesterday and a lot of fans thought he was out of line. Howard said he really got bashed in the e-mail. Howard said he was listening to Sal on the Wrap Up Show yesterday and he found that he's really dumb. Sal said that was very insulting to him. Howard went on to tell Sal that he really has to stay away from the guests from now on. Sal promised that he was going to do that from now on.
Howard played a clip from the Wrap Up Show where Sal explained to the guys why he had gone up to Russell Simmons and called himself the White Devil. Sal was telling the guys why he thinks that Russell Simmons is an anti-Semite and gave an explanation about how Russell had made a comment about a guy he used to work with and how you had to check to make sure if you shook his hand that you had all five fingers when you stopped shaking his hand.
Howard said that Russell Simmons is not an anti-Semitic guy and he can't just say that he is because of a joke the guy made. Howard told Sal to stay away from his guests because he didn't make the guy feel any better by calling himself a white devil. Artie and Howard told Sal that Russell was just joking around when he called Howard the N-word but Sal doesn't believe that.
Howard asked Sal if that's his job to handle stuff like that in the halls. Sal said that he knows it's not, he won't do it again. Gary said that he tried to find out more about that story Sal told yesterday and there was no history of it at all. He said they found out that Sal found out about that story because he used to be the president of the Beastie Boys fan club, the Beastie Revolution. Sal said he was 17 back then. He said he was on Prodigy at the time and he was like the Mutt of the Beastie Revolution. He was out posting where they were appearing and stuff like that.
Howard couldn't believe he was hearing this. He said that they have a genuine nut job working for them. Artie asked Sal how he found out all of the information that he would post on the web back then. Sal said that he doesn't remember all of that. He was just posting it all on Prodigy back then.
Artie said that Gary was pointing out that Sal has this ''cheap Jew'' thing in his head and he thinks that any reference to a Jewish guy means that the person saying it is anti-Semitic. Gary told Howard that they had the audio of Sal talking to Russell out in the hall after the interview yesterday. Howard was about to play it when Fred played a bunch of Baba Booey songs.
Howard played the clip where Sal told Russell that he and Richard really were the white devils and he could call them crackers at any time. Fred asked him when he made Russell feel better talking about that stuff. Howard played more of the audio before Sal could answer. Sal was telling Russell about what a big fan he was. Howard asked him why he had to tell him that stuff. Sal said he was just saying it because he helped line his pockets.
Howard said he's really got to stay away from his guests. Sal said he's going to but he got caught out there as he was coming out of the studio. He said he was just joking around but Howard told him to just stay away from the guests.
Gary said he heard that Sal went to a Beastie Boys concert and asked Chris Rock why he was at a Beastie Boys concert because black people don't like them. Sal said that was true but he was just joking around. Sal was defending himself and said that the things he was saying were facts and they all made sense. Sal thought that they were doing this to make themselves look smarter than him.
Howard told Sal that he's an asshole and it's very simple. He said that the facts are clear there, Sal is an asshole. He said that he's an asshole because he bothered his guests. Sal insists that he's not going to do that again. Howard told Sal he's a mutant and the caller said he's a douche bag. He started to give some kind of weird plug so Howard hung up on him.
Howard didn't want to play more of this Wrap Up Show thing because he knew it was going to get him fired up. Artie and Robin wanted to hear more though. Howard played a clip where Jason and Sal were arguing about who should be able to decide what pictures go up on Howard's web site. Sal doesn't think he should be the one making that decision but Gary said he should be.
Howard figured that Sal just isn't a bright guy when it comes to that stuff but he can make some brilliant phony phone calls. Fred said that Sal is an idiot savant. He said there are a lot of comedians like that. They're very good at comedy but not anything else.
Howard was saying that Sal is really good with the prank calls but Artie said that what he's doing isn't all that brilliant, an 8 year old could do what Sal does. He said that stuff is funny but it's not all that brilliant. Sal came in and defended himself and said that some of the stuff he's done is very good and other people didn't think about doing some of the stuff he's done. Sal said that he does great during the roasts and doing his comedy as well. He said he would never knock Artie's act like that.
Artie said he was just saying that he didn't think Sal was all that bright. He doesn't think he's a genius or anything like that. Sal said he doesn't think that he's a genius either. Artie told some stories about prank calls that he and his friends made and how funny they were. One of his friends made a brilliant call but that guy is now in prison.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he saw Jessica Hahn on Entertainment Tonight last night and her face looks really bizarre these days. He said that it looks like she's had a lot of surgery and her face is all smushed up. He said that Tabitha Stevens is the same way.
Samuel L. Jackson Comes In. 6/22/00. 8:55am
Actor Samuel L. Jackson came in to promote his new movie ''Shaft'' this morning. Howard pointed out that ''Shaft'' was number one this week as far as making the most money. Robin said she really enjoyed the movie when she saw it. She said that people will have fun when they see it. Howard said it looks like Sam works out but he said he only plays golf. Howard also heard that Sam puts something in his contract that demands that he be allowed to play golf at least 2 times a week while shooting movies. He even did that while filming the last ''Star Wars Episode 1'' movie. Howard was surprised that he would make a demand like that even with a big guy like George Lucas. Sam said that it's really not that big of a demand compared to other actors. Robin said that someone (Howard) demanded that he have a gym built in his dressing room. Howard said that he was living there and felt he needed a gym.
Howard asked Sam if he's been getting laid since he's become such a big star. Sam said that he's been married for about 20 years now and she's got him locked up pretty good. He told Howard that he just did his first big love scene for the movie ''The Caveman's Valentine''. He said his penis was out during the shoot but doesn't know if it'll be in the movie. Howard said he must be pretty proud of it to show it in a movie. Sam said ''I'm no mushroom man.'' Howard said that he's not a mushroom either. He's more like an acorn while Sam is more like a hose.
Howard heard that Sam had problems with director John Singleton during the shooting of ''Shaft.'' Sam said that they had some creative differences and they may have argued some but he doesn't hate the guy. Sam said that Singleton wanted Shaft to be more of a superhero while he wanted him to be more of a normal guy like he was in the old ''Shaft.''
Now that ''Shaft'' is so big Howard said Sam will be able to raise his fee for doing movies. Sam said that his agent will be in charge of doing that. He told Howard that he got about $8 million to do ''Shaft'' which seemed to surprise Howard.
Howard also brought up Sam's past drug use. Sam no longer uses drugs and he doesn't drink. He had some major problems with both. Gary came in and said that he heard that Sam has a hole inside his nose from the use of cocaine and he keeps it to remind him not to do it anymore. Sam said that's true and the hole actually whistles at night when he's trying to fall asleep. He said that annoys him once in a while.
Howard wanted to know if Sam has any famous friends but Sam said he's a boring guy who usually just stays home. He does go out to strip clubs once in a while though.
Howard also had notes that said Sam was tossed out of college for kidnapping the trustees of the college he was going to. One of the guys that was kidnapped was Martin Luther King Sr. Sam said they let him go because he was sick at the time. Sam said they did it to protest the fact that there were no black studies programs at the college. He got booted from school for a year and a half but went back and eventually graduated.
Howard read that during the filming of ''The Negotiator'' Sam actually did a stunt where he hung out the window of a 22nd floor window. Sam said he was strapped in but he was actually hanging out 22 stories up. Howard said he'd never do something like that no matter what. He said he's afraid to look out the window of his apartment.
Howard asked Sam about the next ''Star Wars'' movie. Sam said that they begin shooting on July 6 in Australia. Howard told him that he didn't care much for the last one and is hoping that there's more of a story with the next one. Sam doesn't know much about it but said he has some big fight scenes himself. He said he trusts George with the script. He actually asked to be in the last one and said he would have been happy to just be a Stormtrooper.
Howard remembered a story about Sam getting his leg stuck in a New York subway once. Sam said it happened about 10 years ago and his ankle got stuck in the doors as he was getting off the subway. He got dragged down the platform and into a tunnel before the train was stopped. He had to have his knee totally reconstructed and only got a $400,000 settlement from the city. He said the jury didn't feel that sorry for him because his popularity was growing in the movie industry. Sam said that his lawyer found out that 22 people had been dragged by subways that year and it's a common occurrence.
Howard took a few phone calls and wrapped things up with Sam. One caller asked him if he thinks OJ is guilty. Sam said he doesn't know because he wasn't there.
The Freaky Feud Game. 12/5/02. 8:00am
Howard had a ''Family Feud-like'' game to play today. They had a bunch of whores from the West coast and the East coast to compete against each other in the game. Howard was calling himself Richard Dickhead as the host of the game. Howard was complaining about the volume of his microphone as soon as he started the game. He quickly got into the game and introduced the West Coast Whores who were from the Bunny Ranch. Howard introduced Caressa Kisses and spoke to her for a short time. He read her bio and asked her a few questions about being a whore. She makes an average of $50,000 a month working as a whore. She said the Bunny Ranch takes 50 percent of that but she's still making quite a bit of money. After talking to her for a few minutes about her life Howard moved on to the next woman, Sunset Thomas. She appeared in Penthouse magazine a few years ago so she's a hot property at the Bunny Ranch. She claims that she once made $100,000 in a week working at the Bunny Ranch. Howard brought up some of the wacky things she's done to guys during her career was a whore. Howard moved on to Air Force Amy. He described what she was wearing and spent a short time talking to her about what she makes at the Bunny Ranch. She said in over a year and a half she brought in $1.2 million as a whore.
Howard moved on to the East Coast whores and started out with Gina who said she started out when she was only 13 years old. Howard read some facts about her and then moved on to Kaitlyn. She's only been a whore for about 4 months. She's only 18 years old. She said she's always loved sex. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to her about what it's like to be a whore. She claims that she makes no less than $300 an hour. Next up was Baby the whore. Howard talked to her for a short time and found out she's been a whore for about 5 years now. He then moved on to the game.
Howard had Caressa and Kaitlyn come up to play the game. He explained the game to the girls and told them that they surveyed men and asked them ''What do men like to do right after they have sex?'' Caressa said ''Eat ice cream'' but that wasn't one of the answers. Kaitlyn said Sleep and got the number one answer. Howard moved on and asked the East Coast Whores for the rest of the answers. Here are the top 5 answers:
Howard started the second round and had Sunset and Baby starting off the round. The question was ''Name your favorite location outside the bedroom to have sex.'' Baby said in the kitchen but it wasn't on the board. Sunset said ''in the car'' and got the number 2 answer. They got control of the board and tried to take the round. They lost it and the East Coast Whores took the round. Here are the top 5 answers:
Howard moved on to the third round and the question was ''What sex act do guys want most?'' East coast took the round with their answer of Oral sex. Howard moved on and asked the girls to try and get the rest of the answers. Here are the top 4 answers:
West Coast took over the board when the East Coast lost it after getting their three strikes. They took it and got all the points from the round.
Howard did the final round and ''Name a sexually transmitted disease.'' East Coast took control with AIDS. They tried to get the rest of the answers and managed to win the game when they got all 5 answers. They swept the game. Here are the top 5 answers:
Howard wrapped up the game and gave the East Coast Whores a plug for their web site CityVibe.com. Howard also thanked all of the girls from the Bunny Ranch and gave them some plugs for their web sites. You can see them on BunnyRanch.net.
Howard took a break after that and when he came back he took a call from a guy who had been to the Bunny Ranch. He spent a minute talking to that guy and then took a call from a guy who wanted some advice from Howard about his marriage. The guy said his wife doesn't do anything sexual with him anymore so he wondered what he could do. Howard told him to get out or go to the Bunny Ranch. The guy said he sells cars so he tried asking a woman out but got turned down. While he was talking about all of this stuff his daughter was there next to him bugging him. Howard continued to talk to the guy about the marriage. The guy said his wife has even given him permission to get a girlfriend. Howard told him to go for it if he has the chance. Howard got off the phone with that guy and took another call from a truck driver who said he saw a guy playing with himself while he was listening to the whore segment. He said he wanted to run him off the road. Another caller told Howard not to play that Brooke Burke interview on his E! show because it was boring. Howard said he agrees. He said she was a nice person but the fact that she wouldn't talk about shaving her bush was lame. He said she appeared in Playboy and still wouldn't talk about it. He said a publicist probably got hold of her and convinced her she's going to have a big career. Howard said she's not that well known and she's known for wearing a bathing suit on E!. Gary came in and said that they're going to run the show tomorrow night but they're going to throw in a bunch of her bikini shots instead of playing the whole, boring interview. Howard spent a few minutes talking about that before moving on Ryan Seacrest.
Rappin' Granny Visits. 09/12/06. 7:45am
Howard said that Rappin' Granny (FruityNutcake@yahoo.com) was there so he had the guys bring her in. The last time she was on she rode the Sybian. She brought her granddaughter with her today. Howard brought up how little she knew about sex when they spoke to her the last time she was on. Granny said she doesn't care as long as she's alive. She claims that her husband was impotent and they rarely had sex. She said he was a very good man otherwise. She also thinks that he didn't cheat on her even though Howard thought maybe that was the case.
Howard asked Granny if she ever touched herself when she was alone without her husband. She had no idea how to do that stuff so she never bothered to do it. Howard was telling her about the little button she has that she could rub to get off. She claims she has no idea what that stuff is about and she never bothered to do anything with it.
Artie asked her about having sex because she must have done it enough to have had a kid. She said that was actually an accident. She never even saw her husband's penis because he would keep it hidden from her. Howard asked her if she was uncomfortable talking about this stuff. She said that she was a little uncomfortable because she never really had sex. Howard asked her if she ever put his penis in her mouth. She said she never did that and she would probably scream out if she did.
Howard asked Granny if she knows what semen is. She had no idea. He spent a couple of minutes trying to figure out if she's retarded or something. She said that maybe she is. Richard came in and said that he would show Granny what a penis looks like if she wants. She said she's 84 years old today and doesn't need to see that stuff. She said she doesn't know what they look like and all she knows is that a man urinates through it. She has never even seen a statue of a man with a penis. Richard said he wanted to show it to her but Howard wanted to make sure she was up for it.
Howard told Richard to whip it out for her. Granny said she might pass out if he does it. He showed it to her and she let out an 'Oh my god!' and asked for something to drink. She claims she never saw anything like that before. She's only seen her own private parts. Richard told her that it won't bite her or anything. Artie said he was trying to get over the fact that Richard had pulled his penis out again.
Granny said that she had her granddaughter there with her today so she wanted her to come in. Artie thought that maybe Granny was going senile and was just forgetting about all of the sex stuff. Granny's granddaughter Stacy came in so Howard spoke to her for a short time. He asked her if she heard about her grandmother's Sybian ride. She did hear about that but didn't know what the Sybian was. Stacy, who is 24, said she's pretty sure her grandmother has no idea what sex is.
Howard asked Stacy if she and her grandmother wanted to ride the Sybian together. Stacy was up for it but she was saying that it's kind of disturbing that she doesn't know what sex is. Stacy said that sex makes you happy so Granny said that maybe that's why she's not happy. Howard had Gary come in to put the two of them on the Sybian together. They had never done anything like this on the show before. A grandmother and granddaughter on the Sybian together.
Gary said that Stacy was going to love this. He wasn't sure where to put Granny though so he had to move them around a bit. Artie told him to put her in the bathroom. Stacy said that Granny told her one time that when she and her husband had sex for the first time, they didn't know whereto put the penis so he put it under her arm.
Gary started up the Sybian and Stacy was feeling it just fine but Granny wasn't feeling anything. Artie told her to shove it under her arm. Granny was saying she wasn't feeling anything and she never even had sex in her life. She wouldn't shut up so Howard wanted to bring it to an end. Gary turned down the power and Granny said that she was feeling something.
Gary felt that if Stacy was on that thing alone she would really enjoy it. He got Granny off the thing and started the machine back up. Howard told Granny to be quiet so they could let Stacy do her thing on it. She wasn't into doing it in front of all of the guys though. She got her grandmother back on the machine and tried to get her to feel something. Granny was feeling it this time but she wouldn't shut up and kept rambling. Stacy said that she wanted to know if her grandmother had ever had an orgasm in her life. She said she had never had one and doesn't even know what it is.
Stacy was coaching her trying to help her get off on the machine but she would not stop talking. Gary told her she needs to just stop talking and try to concentrate on getting off. It didn't happen so Gary shut it down and had her get off the machine.
Howard asked Granny what she had to say to them today. She gave them a short rap and then told Howard that there's a woman out there claiming to be the Rappin' Granny but she's got that name copyrighted and she wants Howard to say something about it. She said she's had that copyright since 1987. Howard told her to get a lawyer and not to worry about it because she probably won't be alive much longer anyway. Granny said that the other Rappin' Granny is nothing to look at either and she believes that she's got a much better figure than the other one does.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that this woman has to be lying because even an infant knows how to masturbate. Granny said she's not lying and she really has never done that stuff. Howard wrapped up with Rappin' Granny a short time later. She was leaving when Howard asked her if she ever met Abe Lincoln because he had cracked a joke about how his ring had fallen out of her as she was leaving.
Howard asked Granny who the first president was that she remembers. She said it was Clinton so Howard let her go since she seemed to be joking around. Artie threw in one more joke and said that she was born 2 years after the discovery of dirt.
The 11 Year Old Fart Lighter. 3/26/97. 6:50am
This 11 year old kid called in to tell Howard a story about lighting his mothers fart with a match. He said that on New Years Eve he and his mother decided to try and light her fart. The kid stood behind his mother with the flame while his mother pulled down her pants and underwear. Keep in mind that the kid said his mother is fat. So she bends over and proceeds to pass wind. The fart catches fire, burns the kids hand and then catches the mother's pubic hair on fire. The kid said his mother was running around the house swatting at the burning pubic hair. What a story... Howard kept talking to the kid for a while and found out that his father is in a mental hospital or prison because he had molested young children in his industrial arts (wood shop) class. Howard also talked to the kids mother who was standing next to him while he told the fart lighting story. She gave Howard some of the details about the kids father and his trip to prison. The father was molesting 9 year old children. What a life this kid is having! Some guy called in claiming to be some kind of social worker or something. He said that what the mother had done could be considered as child abuse since he burned his hand. He even urged anyone who knows who this woman is to turn her in to the authorities. Kinda harsh for just burning a fart huh?
Benjy's Phony Phone Calls. 2/6/03. 8:30am
Howard said that Benjy made another phony phone call to this woman he has called before. He said Benjy has decided to call her every three months. Howard said the last time Benjy called he pretended to be President Clinton and had phone sex with her. Howard replayed that call to remind everyone what that was all about. Benjy, as President Clinton, had this old woman talking dirty to him getting him off. After playing that call Howard played the new call. Benjy said he was calling as a sewage department worker. He told the woman that they've been finding some strange stuff coming from her toilet. Benjy said that they've been getting pieces of gold coming from her doody. He said she's eating something that is changing into gold when she craps. Benjy asked her if they could get a sample from her to try and figure out what she's eating. The woman, Hazel, said that she could go into the bathroom for him but she didn't think she'd be able to go. She said she might be able to pee but that's about it. Benjy had her sit on the toilet and flush it for him. He tried to have her squeeze out some ''number 2'' for him but she couldn't do anything. She told him that she doesn't have to squeeze when she has to go, she has fine bowel movements. He told her that there's a red light in the top corner of her bathroom and she was on Candid Camera. She said she didn't know that. He told her that they'd been watching her for the past 3 months. He had her keep waving to the ''camera'' that didn't exist. She wanted to say hi to the President of the United States. Howard said the woman doesn't mind them making the calls but she asked them not to show any video of her. They told her there was no camera there but she still asked them not to play the video.
In another segment Robin asked about being allergic to semen and if that's possible. Artie said he is. Howard said no one is allergic. He said it's psychological. Howard asked if Robin has ever had a reaction when a guy finishes on her face. Robin said she never has because she's never had a load on her face. Howard asked what she does when a guy finishes, does she let it sit there on her stomach. Robin just laughed. Howard asked if she just lays there with it on her. Robin said they usually do something pretty quick. Howard said he imagines for a woman it must be like having a guy piss on you. Robin asked what he's talking about. Robin said when she used to have sex she would fight over who was going to lay in the wet spot. Howard said he was going to vomit after hearing that story. Howard asked if a guy should not cum on a woman. Robin said it's alright but you have to help a girl out. Artie said he was going to rub one out thinking about Robin cleaning off jizz.
In another clip Robin asked what the guys consider a sin. Howard said murder would be. Artie said everything he did in Miami this weekend was a sin. Howard said abusing kids and things like that are sins. He said lying, cheating, stealing are pretty much okay. Robin asked about adultery. Howard said that's lying. Howard said if you're lying, cheating or whatever then it's a sin. Artie said he might be more liberal than Howard there. He said the lying part is hard to figure out. Howard said it is sinful. He said some people don't believe in any of that. He said some think that whatever you do is what god put in you and that's that. Robin asked if Racism is a sin. Howard said yes. Robin said she's never seen it on a list before. Howard said he thinks it is. Robin asked about using drugs. Howard said he thinks it is. He said you're pissing on life if you do that. He said he doesn't carry it that far. He said the only person you're hurting is yourself. Howard said he doesn't think it's a sin. Howard was also talking about committing suicide and if that's a sin or not. Howard said he doesn't think it is. Fred said he has to disagree there. He said it is a sin. He said you leave people behind there. Fred said that you've damaged them beyond repair. Howard said it's not a sin though.
Robin went through some things that people find sinful and Howard gave his judgments on each of them. He said that abortion is not sinful. He said there is no soul there. Robin said homosexual activity is on the list. Howard said it doesn't hurt anyone. He said the only sin is when you physically hurt someone else. Howard said being gay is not a sin. Robin asked about watching pornography. Howard said you're not hurting anyone. He said that is not a sin. Robin asked about swearing. Howard said no. Sex before marriage was on the list. Howard said that's not a sin. Artie said he can't even litter without regretting it. Howard said polluters are sinners.
In another clip Robin read a story about a woman who was charged with child abuse for not washing her child since Thanksgiving. Robin read the details of that story and Howard said Stuttering John had better listen. Robin said the mother was accused of smoking crack in front of her child. The child was taken away from the woman. Robin read a story about a guy who jabbed a 6 year old girl with a needle and how he is unfit to stand trial.
In another clip Robin read a story about a woman who had a guy masturbate next to her on a plane. She had semen in her hair. Howard said that's some load the guy had. Howard said he's not sure how that happens. He said if someone did that to his daughter that guy would be dead. He said he'd go to jail for that. Artie said chicks love their hair. He said when he was about 21 he picked up some chicks and he was smoking in the back of the car. He said he tried to throw the cigarette out the window and a minute later they smelled something burning. He said the cigarette was in her hair. He said that she started screaming at him thinking he was fucking with her. Howard said a guy's load can get into the strangest places. He said he has a story. Howard said Beth wasn't feeling well and she took care of his business in a non traditional way. He said his load went everywhere. He said it was on the pillow and on the floor. He said maybe that guy was trying to keep it under the blanket and he didn't mean to get it in her hair. Howard said he has a pretty powerful load. He said it flies like superman. Howard said Regis is 3 floors below his and even he called saying he had a bit of his load in his apartment.
Artie said sometimes in his bathroom he'll find little pellets of shit. Howard said it might be time for a towel like Bubba has. Artie said sometimes you wipe fast trying to clear it out and some shit shrapnel must come out. Howard told him to say no more. He said that's gross. Howard said if you really want to upset a woman then shoot your load on a woman's shoes.
Robin read another story about a guy who was masturbating at Target and he came on a woman there. Robin said the woman was shopping with her 3 year old child. Robin said he may have to be tested to make sure he's not carrying any disease.
In another clip Robin read a story about the oldest joke being researched and how they found it from 1900 BC. Robin said it was based on toilet humor. Robin said they say now that it was popular with the ancients like it is today. Robin said the oldest joke was from the country now known as Iraq. Robin read what the joke was and Howard said it doesn't hold up. He said Cheech and Chong seem relevant now. Robin read some of the other jokes that were found to be very old. Robin went through the jokes and the guys commented on how lame they were.
In another clip Robin read a story about it being Shemp from the Three Stooges birthday the other day. Howard and the guys spent a short time talking about Shemp. Howard said he has seen him act in other movies and it's kind of cool to see that. He wasn't sure what the name of any of the movies were though. Howard said Shemp was the worst stooge ever next to Curly Joe Besser. Robin said they had a Shemp Festival and a Shemp sound alike contest. Robin had Howard play a clip of the winner. Howard wasn't impressed by that. Robin said they don't say how old Shemp would have been. Howard said we all know Shemp was a dick.
They ended today's special around 10:30am.
Various Stuff. 9/5/00. 6:05am
Howard spent a couple of minutes talking about how much the weather sucked during August and how this weekend was pretty much a wash out. He did spend some time at Stuttering John's party on Saturday though. He also spent a couple of minutes talking about how people who were entering the song parody contest were dropping off their entries at the last minute. He said that a few people came in on Thursday at 5:01 and the deadline was 5:00. People were yelling and crying that they were too late to get their songs on. Gary asked Howard what the chances were that those songs were winners anyway. The whole point of the discussion was to say get your entries in on time.
Howard had to talk about his trip to John's beach party. He talked about going out to a play and dinner with his two oldest daughters first. Then the next day he went to John's house with his daughter Ashley and her friend. He figured since the party started at 1pm that there would be food ready to eat. He said there was still no food by the time he left at 4:00. He said that Jackie was bringing skewers to cook hot dogs on and he was running late. Then they went down to the beach to set up a fire to cook on and that took forever to do so there was never any food to eat. Howard said that John is fatter than ever too.
Howard said that at one point John was carrying a metal shovel to the beach and Jackie was walking behind him. Jackie somehow ran in to the shovel and hit his face. He yelled at John so John spun around to see what happened. As he did that he swung the shovel in to Howard's arm. He said it was like a Three Stooges scene.
The whole reason Jackie was late was because he and his wife were playing a game of Scrabble together. They do this quite often from what Jackie was saying.
Howard also said that Mike Gange is fatter than he's ever been. He somehow shaved his own back so Howard had him come in to explain it. He said that he uses clippers and reaches around his back to shave himself. Howard said it looked pretty good so he told him that he should demonstrate it in the studio some time. Gange has to grow some hair back first and then he'll come in to show how he shaves it all by himself.
Foo Fighters Dave Grohl And Taylor Hawkins Come In. 10/31/02.
Dave Grohl and Taylor Hawkins of the Foo Fighters came in to promote their new album ''One by One'' which was just recently released. Howard said he'd like to go see these guys in concert but they're performing tonight and he can't go see it. He told the guys he has to get sleep or he can't work the next day. Howard wondered why rock bands don't perform on Friday or Saturday nights. Howard asked Dave if they ever consider him when they schedule gigs. Howard told them they should schedule shows for noon time so he can be back home by 2pm.
Howard heard the guys are doing Letterman and he wants them to perform in the studio. Dave didn't have a problem with that so Howard told Fred to get him a guitar.
Howard talked to Dave about Courtney Love coming in and saying she didn't have a problem with Dave anymore. The new Nirvana greatest hits album is out now and they're getting along just fine. Dave talked about how it was the lawyers that were screwing things up. He said it wasn't that big of a deal anyway. He said he hasn't spoken to her since the deal was settled. He said the whole thing came down to the one last song Nirvana recorded. Once the lawyers settled on that they were done.
Dave dated Winona Ryder years ago so Howard brought that up and asked Dave what she was like when he dated her. Howard said sometimes she's really hot and sometimes she looks like a little boy. Howard said it must be great when you can get famous poon tang. Dave said that it's really not that great. Robin thought he was saying that Winona wasn't that great but he said he wasn't talking about her. Howard talked to Dave about the whole shoplifting thing and Dave gave his thoughts on that. Dave said they didn't go out all that long either. He said she was a ''sweetheart'' and didn't have anything bad to say about her. Dave told Howard he really hasn't been into heavy relationships up until now. The guys were talking to Dave about Winona and went a little to far with the questioning so Dave asked for the guitar and played a song off their new album instead. After the song Dave talked about the new album and then mentioned his girlfriend a short time later. He didn't bring her in though. He told Howard how he met her and how he was amazed that she was into him. He met her at a club out in L.A. So Artie told Howard he once saw Julian Lennon at the club trying to pick up a chick while sitting under a picture of his father John Lennon. Artie said he wasn't sure if he got the girl or not. Howard asked Dave a few more questions about picking up this girl. Dave said she's Asian so he had to go ask her father for permission. Howard told Dave to hold off on getting married and started giving Dave some advice on getting married. Howard told him that he's been dating Beth for a couple of years now. They showed Dave some pictures of Beth and he sounded like he was blown away by how hot she was. Dave ended up asking Howard about his girlfriend and if she likes anal or not. Howard changed his attitude and didn't answer. Howard joked that his girlfriend is hotter than Taylor who's pretty good looking. Taylor said he's in a relationship now also. He told Howard about how he met her when a friend brought her over to his house.
Howard took some phone calls for the guys. First up was Cabbie who claims that he was in a gang bang with Dave about 6 years ago with Courtney Love. He claims to have pictures to prove it too. He told Dave how great the new Foo Fighters CD is and also mentioned that Dave played drums for Queens of the Stone Age and that's the best rock album he's heard in years. A woman called in and asked Dave about the unreleased Kurt Cobain material. He said Courtney Love would have to release that stuff.
Junior the Farter came in to fart along to some Foo Fighter songs. Junior said he was really nervous about doing this. He was going to fart along to some Nirvana songs and some Foo Fighters songs. Junior wanted the guys to guess what songs he was farting at first. They didn't have much luck with that so Howard had Fred play some Foo Fighters music so he could fart along to that. He had a little more luck with that and the guys seemed to be enjoying it. Junior said he had one last song that he knew Dave would know. He farted a little bit and Dave actually knew it was an old Nirvana song.
Howard started to wrap up the interview and played a couple of tracks off the new Foo Fighters album. Junior jumped in and threw in a few farts over the songs. Howard told the guys they should take Junior into the studio to rerecord the songs. Howard said he liked the new stuff he was hearing. Artie yelled at Junior because he was just standing there enjoying the music. He told him this wasn't a free ride and to get busy farting. After playing a couple of songs Howard wrapped up the interview and took a break.
The Tiger Woods Mistress Beauty Pageant - Jamie Jungers. 03/10/10. 8:15am
After the break Howard came right back and got into the Tiger Woods Mistress Beauty Pageant. Howard said that they have $100,000 from AshleyMadison.com to give away to the three women. Howard said the winner will be getting $75,000, second place gets $15,000 and third gets $10,000.
Noel Biderman from AshleyMadison.com was there to judge. Howard asked Noel about how the business is going. Noel said things are good. Howard asked if Tiger would have gotten caught if he had used AshleyMadison.com. Noel said that they delete all history if people don't want to be caught. He said that they can help people cheat and not get caught. He said that no one has access to anything you do on the site other than yourself.
Noel said that he's going to be judging the girls on the stories they tell and he's going to ask if they had more than one affair. He said he wants to know if they do this as a regular thing.
Howard had Fred hit the intro for the pageant and got right into it. Fred did that and the announcer introduced Howard Stern as the host. Howard said he loves beauty pageants and he loves being in a Tuxedo. He sang a little bit and made up a song as he went along. Howard turned on the Autotune for a few seconds at the end of the song.
Howard said that Robin and Fred were wearing beautiful gowns for the pageant. Howard said the first contestant, Jamie Jungers come in. They had the announcer introduce her. They had some details about her but Howard didn't hear how old she was. Jamie said that she's 27 years old. Howard told Fred to turn the awful music off that he had playing. Howard found out that Jamie is 5'7'' tall and weighs 105 pounds. Howard said she had a bikini on but it looked like lingerie. She said it was a bikini.
Howard asked Jamie if she thought that she was going to have just a one nighter with Tiger. She said she did. Jamie said she was working at the Bellagio at the time and she dos different events there. She said that she was doing a pro-bowl event that day. She said she got a lot of attention from the guys there at the time. Howard said one night Tiger showed up to the event and he paid attention to her. Jamie said that was the case. She said that Tiger actually sent someone over to her to talk to her. Howard said that's the move to make when you're famous.
Jamie said she was a VIP host there and Tiger was there just partying. He wasn't part of the event she was hosting. Howard asked if she ever takes a deep breath and wonders about what people think of her and if she's upset that they think she's a hooker or something. Jamie said that she never did anything like that.
Gary asked why she went for Tiger and no one else. Jamie said she has gone on dates with other celebrities but she didn't want to say who they were. Howard asked if Tiger was attracted to her or was it that he was Tiger Woods. She said she was attracted to him. She said that she had just gotten out of a 6 year relationship at the time and she was only 21 years old. Jamie said she had a crush on Tiger too so she jumped on the opportunity.
Robin said that Tiger must not have been faithful at all in his marriage. He was only married for a couple of months when he was with Jamie. Jamie said she asked tiger how things were with the wife when she was with him and Tiger just said ''Good.'' Jamie said she hoped that he would open up with her more. She said that he did tell her that she was home in Switzerland a lot.
Howard asked Jamie if she knew that there were other women other than her. Jamie said she didn't think she was the only one. She said that if he was with her and his wife then there could be other women. Jamie wasn't sure if he was doing that though.
Howard asked if she did it with him on the first night. Jamie said she did but that's not typical with her. She said she had a crush on him and she had just broken up. She said she was also drunk. Howard asked if Tiger asked her to go back to his room. She said that he took her to a mansion they have at the MGM out in Las Vegas. She said that it was usually just her with Tiger and his friends when they'd go back there. Howard asked how long it took to get into that. Jamie said it was just a short time. She said that Tiger led her to his room and that was it.
Howard asked if Tiger is as big as they say he is. Jamie said that he is pretty big. She said she wasn't frightened of it or anything. Howard asked if she was thinking that it might hurt. She said she had been drinking so she didn't think about that at all.
Howard asked if they did it quick or was it drawn out. Jamie said it was pretty quick the first night. They'd have some rough sex too. She said the more they hung out the more they got to know each other and things slowed down. Howard said he'd like to know what rough sex is. She said that he'd throw her up against the wall and things like that. Howard said he's known for gentle sex. Jamie said that's what she prefers.
Howard asked if the sex would go on all night. Jamie said it would go on for a while. She said that he didn't use condoms with her either. Howard said that she was wild back then. Jamie said she did a lot of dumb things back then. She said that he would pull out and cum on her chest. Howard said he's heard that he's kind of kinky. He asked Jamie is that's true. She said she never experienced that with him.
Howard asked Jamie if she misses Tiger. She said that she does. She was in love with him and she does miss him. Robin asked what he was texting her in the texts he'd send. She said that he'd call her his ''little coffee cup'' and things like that. She wasn't even sure what that meant. Jamie said that he'd call her ''Jamie juices'' too. She said he called her that because she was wet.
Howard asked Jamie if she thinks that Tiger is a sex addict. She said that he might need help. She said that him getting into these relationships with women that he wasn't married to was weird. She said that something isn't right mentally. Howard asked Jamie if she would go back to him now. Jamie said no. She said that it has had an effect on her personal life. She said her father is taking a lot of crap at work over it. Jamie said her mother told her all along that she should tell everyone what was going on but she thought it was her personal business.
Howard said he heard that Tiger may have paid off a lot of the women. Jamie said she doesn't believe it. Jamie said her ex is the one who came out and told her story to the tabloids. She said she was waiting to see what was going to happen and she didn't want to talk about it. Jamie said she came out to tell what was right and what was wrong about her ex's story. Jamie said that the ex is the one who wasn't telling the truth about when it happened. She said he claimed that Tiger was the one who broke them up but they were already broken up.
Robin asked if she ever asked Tiger for money. Jamie said that she didn't until near the end of the relationship. She said she needed some help to get out of this situation she was in and she asked if he could help her out a little bit. Jamie said she hadn't asked for anything before that. Tiger told her he couldn't help and that was when it ended.
Howard asked if Tiger ever took her out in public. Jamie said that he did and there were people who would take her picture with him and she's surprised that the story never broke before it did. Jamie said that she thinks that Tiger should have apologized to all of the mistresses when he made his speech to his wife and family recently. She said that he hurt them too.
Jamie said that Tiger would arrange for them to fly around the country to meet and he'd always fly her coach. Howard said that must have pissed her off. She said that he never really did anything all that extravagant.
Howard said that Jamie is one hot piece of ass. Robin asked how it all came to an end. Jamie said that conversation about helping out is what led to the end. She said that she felt he didn't care about her and told him she was wasting her time. Howard asked if she thinks that it will last with him and his wife. Jamie said that's hard when they have kids. She said that he has something mentally wrong with him and he'd have to fix that.
Howard asked if Tiger is like 9 inches long. She said it is probably about that big. She said that he tried to do anal on her and she told him no. Jamie said that she has tried anal before and it's not her thing.
Fred asked Jamie about being there when Tiger's father died. Jamie said that he had flown her in that evening and he got a call that night from his mother. He called his mom and he came back in and said that his dad isn't doing very well. Jamie said that he came back after going to the hospital and he was doing okay. She said they went to bed and had sex and around 2 or 3 in the morning they got the call from his mom saying his father had died. She said that he had a blank look on his face and she could tell he was broken up. Jamie said she wasn't sure what to say to him. She said she was sorry to hear that and told his friend to get her a flight out of there. Jamie told him to take his time and get over the whole thing. Howard said she's very considerate. He said she was really nice to the guy.
Gary asked Jamie if Tiger ignored his mother's calls a lot. She said that he didn't as far as she knows. Howard asked if he would register in the hotel as Tiger Woods. She said she's pretty sure he did. Howard said it's almost like he wanted to get caught.
Howard asked Jamie if she sings at all. She said she doesn't at all. Howard said that he wanted to get the girls into a band together.
Howard said Jamie was an awesome girl and that was great for the first contestant. Gary said she set the bar for the rest.
Howard mentioned that the prize money is coming from AshleyMadison.com. He said that Noel seemed to be deep in thought there. Noel said it was going to be tough to judge today.
Howard asked Jamie if she did a lot of stuff for Tiger that she didn't do with other guys. She said that they would have sex several times a night. Howard said he must have an incredible appetite. She said he really does. Jamie was also saying that she did orgasm with him.
Howard found out that Tiger didn't do a lot of oral on her. Jamie said that was fine with her because that was more of an intimate thing with her and they didn't do it until toward the end.
Jamie said that she's going to be doing some modeling and acting and she hopes that her name isn't brought up as Tiger's mistress when she's mentioned. Jamie said that Tiger once asked her to have another woman in bed and she told him that she would do it if the other woman was his wife. She said that subject never came up again.
Howard said they had to take a break and then they'd bring in Loredana Jolie.
The Tiger Woods Mistress Beauty Pageant - Loredana Jolie Ferriolo. 03/10/10. 8:55am
After the break Howard came right back and said that they were going to get to the second contestant, Loredana Jolie Ferriolo. They had a clip of the announcer talking about some of the stuff she did with Tiger. Howard said that Loredana had quite a bod on her. He asked if it was weird for the girls to see each other there. Loredana said it wasn't that odd. Howard asked if her boobs were real or fake. She said they were real expensive.
Howard asked Loredana what it was like to have this stardom all of a sudden. Loredana said it's been confusing. She said it's embarrassing too. She said that there are people who look at you like a whore but there are others who say ''good for you.'' She said that she hasn't had anyone come up to her and call her names to her face though. She said she has seen people commenting about her being a home wrecker in the tabloids and stuff.
Loredana said that she went out with Tiger for two years or so. She said she met him at a night club. Howard asked if she was with some matchmaking company when she met. Loredana said she met Tiger through that service. Howard asked how much it cost to get matched up with her. She said it was $15,000. Howard said she's different than Jamie because she was paid to meet Tiger. Howard asked if they say with a wink ''hey, lets have sex together.'' Loredana said that it's all up to her. She gets paid no matter what. She said that she thinks that they take a good portion of that money but she see's a lot of it. Howard asked if she's still doing that. She said she got out of it because it was getting annoying and scary.
Howard asked if she jumped into bed with Tiger on the first night. Loredana said she gave him a hard time and he kept chasing her. She said that he used the bodyguard to come over to her to talk to her. Howard said he would always go up to people and talk to them himself. He said that he should have used a bodyguard.
Howard asked Loredana why she gave Tiger a hard time. She said that she just wanted to play the game. Howard said that they must have overlapped with her and Jamie. She said that tiger used condoms with her. She said that they may have overlapped. Jamie said that she should have insisted on the condom thing too.
Howard asked Loredana if she was impressed with Tiger's penis size. She said that it was impressive. She said she bragged to her friends about it. Howard asked how she bragged. She said she would just talk about him having the biggest penis. Howard asked if size matters. Loredana thought for a second and said ''no.''
Howard asked if she was in love with Tiger. She said she wasn't. She also said that she got gifts from him, unlike Jamie. Howard said that Jamie wasn't even able to get help when she asked for it. Howard said this is crazy.
Loredana said she didn't know that Tiger was seeing anyone else but she assumed he was. She said he was cheating on his wife she figured he would cheat on her. Loredana said that once you're a cheater, you're always a cheater.
Howard asked Loredana about how much of a freak Tiger was with her. She said that he would do some role playing stuff with her and they could go 3 times a night. Loredana said that she waited until the third date before she was with him though.
Howard asked how quickly Tiger would finish with her. Loredana said that he was very fast the first time of the night. Howard said he understands that. He said he would cum in a second with her and with Jamie... and just about anyone else.
Howard asked Loredana if Tiger liked BJs from her. She said that he did. She said he never came in her face. He would pull out and not cum in her mouth. Robin asked where he would finish. She said he would do it on her chest or somewhere else.
Loredana said Tiger would bring other women into bed too. She said that he would bring women from other countries into bed. Howard asked for more details on that. Loredana said that Tiger would be in a business suit and he wouldn't bang the other girls in front of her. She said that he'd wear the whole suit with the tie and all. Then the girls would get it on in front of him and he liked the whole show.
Howard asked if he would talk through the show. She said that he would tell them what to do and he would beat off during it too.
Howard asked about the thickness of Tiger's penis and found out it was pretty thick too. Howard said that he's not thick or long. Loredana said that size really doesn't matter though.
Howard asked how it all ended. Loredana said that they just went their own way. She said that he used to text her and ask where she was and stuff. Robin asked if he would fly her out coach and stuff. She said the matchmaking company would take care of all of that so it was different every time.
Howard asked if Tiger spent over $200,000 just on her alone. She said that the $15,000 was just one time. She said that it probably wasn't 200,000. Noel said that he's in the wrong business if they were getting $15,000 to set people up.
Howard asked if people are after her to interview her. Loredana said she's writing a book and she has more stories about dating guys like Bruce Willis. She said she met him when she was in a Hawaiian Tropic pageant. She also says she dated Michael Jordan. He's another married guy. Loredana said that Tiger beats them all with his penis size. She said that he's the best in bed too.
Howard asked if Loredana is good in bed. He said she looked very attractive too. Howard said she must not be racist to be with a black guy. She said she's not.
Howard asked if she was upset with Tiger not apologizing to the mistresses. She said that she has gone through hell over this whole thing so she was kind of upset.
Howard asked if Tiger is circumcised. Both Jamie and Loredana confirmed he is. Howard asked Loredana if she thinks Elin should leave Tiger. She thinks that they should stay together.
Howard said that Tiger seems to be into white women. Loredana said he's really into blondes. Howard said that you'd think that he'd give it to a sister once in a while.
Howard had Loredana do a spin for the guys. She did that and then Fred asked if she ever found herself doing things sexually with Tiger just because he was Tiger. She said that it wasn't just for Tiger. Howard asked what kind of kinky stuff she would do. She said the role playing was kinky for her. She said she likes dirty talk too. Loredana said Tiger would have a guy involved in the role playing but he'd never do anything with them. She said he would have the guy doing things to the other women.
Robin asked if tiger would have sex with her in front of other people. She said that he didn't do that. She said that the other guy was Tiger's friend and he'd do the girls in front of him. Howard said this is some wild stuff. Jamie said she never had any of the role playing stuff going on.
Howard asked Loredana if she was fully shaved. She said she was. Howard asked if Tiger ever shaved her. She said that didn't happen.
Howard said he didn't think that Tiger was that good looking but the girls both said he was attractive. Howard said both of the ladies were lovely women. He said it was going to be a tough decision.
Howard asked Loredana what she would do with the money if she won. She said she didn't have any plans. Jamie said she'd use the money to move her family to Las Vegas. Howard said he's not sure that would be the best thing to spend it on.
Howard said that the girls were looking hot today. He said Tiger was really having a party. He said he feels bad for the guy now. Gary said the press were all waiting out in the Fish Bowl in the lobby and listening to the show.
Howard asked the girls if Tiger ever licked ass. Both Jamie and Loredana said no to that. Howard said he would do that for them. Howard asked if Tiger asked them to do it to him. Loredana said that he did ask her to do it but she wasn't into that. Loredana said she's not sure why anyone would even want that. Loredana said that Tiger actually pushed her head down there but she refused. She said that he didn't ask her to do it, he just pushed her head. Howard said that's a lot to ask of a person. Howard thanked Loredana for speaking to them and moved on to the next contestant.
The Tiger Woods Mistress Beauty Pageant - Jaimee Grubbs. 03/10/10. 9:25am
Next up was Jaimee Grubbs. They played her in with a quick announce. She asked to sing because she heard Howard singing earlier. Howard let her sing but the Autotune wasn't working on her microphone.
Howard asked Jaimee about how she met Tiger and what kind of relationship they had. She told Howard how they met and how she didn't look at him like she wanted to go out and date him. She said that he was kind of nice but couldn't dance. She said she didn't have to work hard to get his attention and she just wanted to hang out with a celebrity that night. She said she didn't even want to go home with him.
Howard asked Jaimee if she was upset with the whole thing when it broke. She said that she would have thought the same thing if she wasn't involved and she understands why people were upset.
Howard asked Jaimee how she met Tiger out in Las Vegas. She said that she was asked to come to his table and Tiger told her she didn't look like she was having any fun. She said she loosened up and had some fun and then at the end of the night they asked her and her friends to come back with them in their limo.
Howard asked Jaimee about how she didn't know he was married. She said that he didn't have a wedding ring on that night. It took three days before she got to kiss him. She said she go to go to the mansion at the MGM Grand out there just like Jamie did.
Howard asked what Jaimee about how there's a rumor that some of the women have been paid off. He asked if she's upset about him not paying her off. Jaimee said that she's upset that he never told her anything after he cut her off when his wife found out about everything. She said that Tiger tried calling her on Thanksgiving to ask how she was doing and that wasn't cool.
Jaimee said that she and Tiger didn't use condoms together. She said it was one of those heat of the moment things that they just did. She said he would never cum inside of her. She said that he would pull out. Howard asked if he would cum on her face or anything. She said that it was always respectful. She said that they never did any group sex stuff either. Howard asked if he asked to pee on her. She said he never did that either.
Howard asked Jaimee if they did oral on each other. She said that they did everything. Howard asked if he asked to lick her backside. She said they didn't do that.
Howard asked if Tiger had the biggest penis she'd ever see. She said that he didn't have the biggest and he envies a 9 iron. Howard asked her to show how big it was with her hand. She said he was very girthy but not all that long. She said he might be bigger than 7 inches. Jaimee said she had orgasms with him too and she wouldn't have stayed with him if she didn't.
Howard asked if Tiger was quick in bed. She said that he was pretty fast and he would hold out maybe 5-10 minutes. She said she didn't go all night with her though. She said she didn't do anal with him either.
Howard asked if she thought Tiger was going to leave his wife for her. Jaimee said she figured he would eventually. She said that he came after her even after she called it off when she found out he was married.
Howard asked if she went out with Tiger in public. She said that he'd only be out there for a couple of days so they didn't go out that much. She said that she's very busy so she didn't mind just going and hanging out with him. She said she's a hard working girl and she wasn't all into going out in public.
Howard asked Jaimee if she was the last mistress to be in touch with Tiger. She said that she thinks that she may have been. Rachel Uchitel may have been another one. Howard said Rachel wanted to be there today but she wasn't able to due to some kind of settlement she had.
Howard asked Jaimee if she kept all of the texts that Tiger sent. She said she kept them because she's sentimental. Howard asked if she would get back together with Tiger if he came back to her now. She said she thinks that she would be friends with him but she wants to know why he did what he did to her. She said that he has to apologize to her because she didn't know about his wife. She said that he tossed her around like a rag doll.
Howard asked if Jaimee is dating anyone now. She said she is and the guy is upset with her only because she's on Howard Stern's show. She said Howard isn't as bad as she thought he'd be. Howard asked if she had a nickname. She said that Tiger would call her SkinnyFat because she eats like a fat person but stays thin.
Howard asked if Tiger liked BJs from her. Jaimee said she thinks he did and she thinks she's good at it. Howard had her spin around in her bathing suit for the guys before they got to the judging.
The Tiger Woods Mistress Beauty Pageant - And The Winner Is... 03/10/10. 9:40am
Howard moved on to the judging and went over each of the girl's stories. Jaimee added that her boobs are real too. Jamie Jungers' were real too. Howard said his face is real too and there's nothing he can do about that.
Gary said he had a clear thought on who the winner was. He said that Jamie and Jaimee were both thinking they were in love with the guy and Loredana was the only one who got into it knowing it wasn't a real thing.
Howard asked the girls if they think that he can be cured of his sex addiction. The girls were saying there is something going on there and they're not sure.
Howard said it was time to get the judges to give their thoughts on all of this. Noel Biderman was there from AshleyMadison.com and they were the sponsors of this whole thing. They were giving the $100,000 in prize money. Howard said that their friends at Steven Singer Jewelers also have a ring for the girls. Gary said the ring is really nice. It has a black diamond in it. The ring is a one of a kind ring.
Robin asked Jaimee if she's writing any books or anything like that. She said she's not but she is looking to do some modeling or hosting of a TV show or something.
Howard asked the girls if they had a hard time making the decision to come on the show. Some of the girls said that they were going to pass but then they found out more about the show and decided to do it.
Howard said they have the money, the ring and also a 50 inch TV for the winner. That's from Beezid.com.
Howard moved on to Gary and asked him what his vote was going to be. Gary said all of the girls had hot bodies. He said that he was surprised at the two Jamie's stories but he has to go with Jamie Jungers. He said she's not the person that he thought she was going to be today.
Howard went to Noel Biderman next. He asked Noel what he thinks. Noel said he's with Gary and he thinks that Jamie was emotional and she had a connection with Tiger. He said that she has his vote too.
Howard said it seems her innocence is swaying the guys. Gary said that it seems she wasn't out for anything other than liking the guy. Gary said that Jaimee Grubs almost got him too because she was almost near tears. Jaimee said that she didn't even know that Tiger was married at the time. Noel said that's what he was holding against her.
Gary asked Jaimee how long she didn't know he was married. She said it was about a year. Gary said you'd think that she'd figure it out dating the guy for that long. He's a national figure. Jaimee said Howard is a national figure too and she's never listened to his radio show. She said she didn't like golf so she never watched it on TV. She said that she didn't find out he was married until she told a friend about her dating him.
Howard said that Jamie has gotten two votes but they have 3 more votes. Robin said that she was drawn to the stories of the two Jamie's. She said that both had incredible stories. She said that she sympathized with Jaimee Grubbs more than the other Jamie. Robin said that she's giving Jaimee Grubbs a vote.
Howard said that it wasn't over yet for Loredana. He said she could still get two votes. Howard said that he was sick over this whole thing. He asked the girls if they hated Tiger now. They all said they didn't hate him.
Howard asked Fred for his vote next. Fred said that while Robin's argument was compelling, he said that she didn't know she was a mistress so he can't vote for her. He said that Loredana would win for the hot factor if that was the only thing they were judging on. He said that he thinks that a mistress has to have an emotional connection and Jamie had that. Fred said he was giving his vote to Jamie Jungers. Robin said that Jaimee Grubbs kept it going once she found out he was married though. Fred said he was still giving his vote to Jamie.
Howard said this was a no brainer for him. He said all three are beautiful and brave. He applauded all three of them for showing up. Howard said that he felt bad that Loredana didn't get any votes. He said that she was very smart about the whole thing but she knew what she was getting into. Gary said that she's got a great ass too. Howard said he thinks that Loredana is saving something for her book.
Howard said he was taken by Jamie Jungers. He said he agrees with Noel about her being a ''true mistress.'' he said that Jaimee Grubbs has a doll face and a great body. He said that all of their stories took him but Jamie Jungers' story did it for him. He said it was very close for him. He said that coming in at third place is Loredana. He said she wins $10,000 and a TV set from Beezid.com. She didn't have anything to add after that.
Howard said Jaimee Grubbs came in second with $15,000. He asked her what she thought. She said she was kind of bummed about that.
Howard said Jamie looked like she was shaking. Jamie said she was very happy and this was the best thing ever. Howard said she just won $75,000. She just had a birthday yesterday and this was great. She said she can help her family move out to Las Vegas with her now. She said things have been very tough for her lately and this is great.
Howard asked Jamie if she wanted to thank anyone. She thanked God and her family and friends. She thanked her mom and her friend and her little dog Apple as well. Howard said that everyone is leaving with money today. He sang to all three of the girls as Noel came in with the money from AshleyMadison.com. Howard said he was kind of bummed out that Noel was going to be a judge but he's glad it worked out the way it did.
Howard asked the girls if anyone wanted to stay for the press conference. Loredana and Jamie Jungers were going to stick around Jaimee Grubbs said she had to leave. Howard went to break after that.
TDiHH: Scott Salem PSA - January 31, 1996. 01/31/13. 6:30am
Next up on This Date in Howard History they played a segment from 1996 when Howard played a Scott the Engineer PSA.
In the clip Howard brought up the Yul Brynner PSA that they played after he died. Howard said that they figured they'd make one for Scott the Engineer. Howard played the Yul Brynner commercial that he was talking about and they found out that people started smoking even more after they saw that PSA. Yul asks people not to smoke because he smoked and got cancer.
Howard said no one wants to be told not to smoke. Howard told Scott to come in there. Scott came in and Howard said he's going to cut this for the American Cancer Society. Howard said he thinks Scott will be dead in the next 5 years. He said he smokes way too much. He said he has a terrible cough. Howard asked Scott if he'll cut this PSA. He said his lips are more yellow than usual. Scott said they're just chapped lips. Howard said they're from the cigarette. Howard said it's the most annoying thing about smoking. He said the non filters really get you. Robin asked if he really smoked non-filters. Howard said he had to just to get a buzz. Howard asked Scott if he ever smoked Camels. Scott said he hasn't. Howard said Scott has the special filters.
Howard said that bad lip is small potatoes next to the big C. He said he wants to do it without a script first. Scott said he had to think about it. Howard did an intro for him and Scott just said ''Don't smoke ya bastards.'' Howard said he should say something other than that. Howard introduced him as ''the late, lazy Scott the Engineer.'' Scott tried again and told people not to smoke.
Howard said he has to write something for him. He told him to try not to look like he's reading. Howard introduced him again and Scott read his lines about being dead because cigarettes killed him. He had a bunch of jokes in his lines. Jackie said it's great that he has to go back and produce the commercial now.
Howard said Scott should do it more sincerely. He had him read some more lines that Jackie wrote for him. Jackie was cracking up at the lines as he read them. This time he was talking about how those cigarettes are like his 20 little friends. He also said as they speak maggots are eating his tar filled lungs but at least his wife can't nag him.
Howard said that Scott is going to lose at least 15 years off his life. Howard said he really should stop. Howard said if he stops right now he might stand a chance. Howard asked why he doesn't do that. Scott said it's very hard to quit. Howard asked if he believes cigarettes kill you. Scott said they might contribute. Howard asked if he thinks he's going to beat the odds. Scott said he doesn't know. Robin said this is like talking to a wall. Howard said the Salems aren't known for being great smokers. Scott said he really doesn't know. Howard said Scott's dad died from cancer. Scott said he knows smoking doesn't help.
Howard said Scott might die in his 50s. Scott said he thinks he'll last into his 60s. Howard said maybe he could die in his 80s if he quit smoking now. Howard said he might last another 20 years. Scott asked if he would want to prolong his life if he had his wife. Howard said he gets it now. He said he'll never bother him again about the smoking. Howard told him that he might die faster if he drove blindfolded. Scott said he knows. They went to break after that.
Emilio Estevez Calls In. 5/11/00. 7:15am
Actor Emilio Estevez called in this morning to ''make nice'' with Howard. He and his brother Charlie Sheen were supposed to come on the show together but canceled when they found out they'd have to be on E!. Howard got pissed and Jon Bon Jovi told Emilio that he'd better straighten things out. Emilio told Howard that E! has treated his family poorly in the past and they didn't want to be on the E! show so they canceled. He said it wasn't a problem with Howard, it was just E!.
Howard went on to talk to Emilio about various things like his kids and hot girlfriends. Emilio said that he's got 2 kids and has to pay around $15,000 a month in child support. He's only got 4 more years of that though. He said he'll still take care of his kids but the ex-wife won't be getting that money anymore.
Emilio also spoke about going out with Paula Abdul and Demi Moore. He told Howard that Demi was great in bed. He said the same of Paula. He was engaged to marry Demi but they broke off the engagement 2 weeks before the wedding when they figured out that they weren't meant to be together.
Emilio also spoke about his brother Charlie and his Father Martin. He said that Charlie has been sober for 2 years now. The two of them were really looking forward to coming on the show and they were upset when the whole E! thing came up.
Emilio said that he wasn't calling in to get a plug this morning but Howard gave him one anyway. Emilio will be in ''Rated X'' this Saturday at 9pm on Showtime. He directed the movie and also stars in it with his brother. They play the porn team of the Mitchell brothers.
First up they played a clip where Crackhead Bob sat in for the news. Here's my rundown from a Master Tape Theatre replay:
Crackhead Bob Sits In For The News. 08/14/1997. 8:50am
After another edited out break Howard said that Crackhead Bob was there doing something for him. He said that some guy put out a CD with him so he had him come in. He played some of the songs that they had Bob performing. He covered a Motorhead song called ''Ace of Spades'' so Howard played that one. Of course you can barely understand a word that Bob sings but that's the fun of it right?
Howard asked him if he knows the name of the song. Bob said the name but it wasn't quite ''ace of spades.'' Howard asked him what some of the other lyrics were. When he tried to say what they were, they still weren't very clear. He tried singing some of them again for Howard.
Howard said that Bob is going to be getting married and he wants to do it on the air. He said he's not sure he wants to do all of that on the air. He said that it would probably be boring to the audience. Howard asked him about the girl he's with and Bob said that things are going just fine.
Howard said he heard that Bob got into a fight in Cleveland. Bob said that he did. He was making an appearance out there and some guy sat in his chair so he beat him up. He had gone to the bathroom and when he came back, the guy was in his seat. He asked for the chair back but the guy gave him a hard time. Robin had to interpret some of that for Howard since he wasn't understanding it all.
Howard said he heard that Bob picked the guy up with his good arm and threw him across the room. Howard said it's pretty bad when you get beat up by a retard.
Howard asked Bob to say ''George Crackhead Bob Harvey'' since that's his full name. Bob had some trouble with it but he was able to say it eventually. Howard had him repeating after him to say some other stuff that he'd have to say at his wedding. Bob had some trouble with that.
Howard had Robin get into her news a short time later. She read a story about a father that turned in his son for a thrill killing of a fire fighter. Howard talked to Bob some more about what he did before he had his stroke. He used to be able to drive a car. Bob said that he can't even do that anymore. He said that he actually cheated to get his license. Howard wanted to see what else they could get Bob to do. He wanted to have him try mountain climbing or water ski. Bob said that he did mountain climb one time.
Robin read through some more of her news and had a story about Jon Benet Ramsey. Crackhead Bob did a strange thing and made some weeping sounds. Howard didn't get why he was doing that and goofed on him about that.
Howard brought up the story about that serial killer that called in and how the FBI was asking for tape. He said that they cooperated with them fully of course.
Robin read through some more stories about Abner Louima, Claudia Shiffer and David Copperfield, and also about a new law for car jackers in Louisiana. That led to Howard talking about a guy who was being prosecuted for electrocuting an intruder in his home. Howard said that they had a guy out on the street interviewing people about that subject. He played those clips where most of the white people say it was okay to do that. When they interviewed some African American people, they thought that it was wrong to do that. Some of them said that it was a little harsh to electrocute an intruder. Jackie was laughing at some of those answers.
In another clip Robin read a story about how there's an OJ Simpson video coming out. Howard asked if it's the one that shows him cutting off her head. He spent a minute talking about OJ and how OJ is pissed that people still think he's guilty. Robin said this tape is something OJ wants to release to the home market. Robin said he's trying to resurrect his image with this tape.
In another clip Robin read a story about a woman who had Multiple Sclerosis and was helped to kill herself by Dr. Kervorkian. Robin read about the woman and how she died at a Holiday Inn. Robin said you really don't think about dying at a place like that. Robin said she left a note saying she had a pretty good life and she saw a lot of bad stuff coming her way in the future. Howard said he heard she had the E! channel on when she checked out. Howard asked if they thought Bob could say Kervorkian. Howard had him try. Bob tried to do it but it came out ''Orkian'' or something like that. Howard played more of Bob's song and then ended the show.
Jon said that he wanted to talk about the Tiger Woods mistress beauty pageant. Will said that they reached out to some of the girls and they started agreeing to come in. He said it was the biggest story at the time. He said that it was amazing. Jon said they had a couple of Jamie's in there and Jamie Jungers ended up winning. He said that people forget that Tiger was the greatest golfer in the world and he was married. He said they found out all of this stuff was going on and you wonder if everyone has this side going on. Will said he was banging everyone and his two worlds collided. He said it was great.
Jon asked Will about how Tiger is doing now. Will said it's hard to come back once you're down and out. He said people do fall off in golf but the sport has never seen anyone like Tiger before. He said that he was unbreakable mentally before all of that went down.
Jon said there are guys who play forever. He said they may not be as strong but once in a while they come up with a great round. Jon said you never saw anyone like Tiger though. He said he was also playing since he was born. He said he wonders about kids who are programmed to be super athletes. He said you hear stories about them and it's rare that they become a Tiger Woods. He said their parents can destroy their lives. He said he's sure the guys have seen parents like that. Will said he can't see himself being a Richard Williams and grooming his kids to be like that.
Jon asked Will about the stuttering John party and if he was going to those. Will said he did get to go to some. He said he got to see Jackie walking around and it was like a fan's dream to be there. He said it was fun. Benjy said he got to go too. He said he didn't remember which one it was. Benjy said he remembers stuff on the beach being fun. He asked if it was just work people who were around at that party. Will said that they had interns and kids and Nick DiPaolo there at times. He said that he always thought that Nick was great and it was fun to have him there. He said there were all kinds of cool experiences like that at those parties.
Jon asked Will if he feels on his guard at parties like that or does he let loose. Will said it depends on what the party is. He said if it's more casual like going out with just Jon to a game or something he won't worry. He said he will worry at Howard's Christmas party or something like that. He said it depends on whose party it is.
Will said there was a story about Benjy staying over at John's house once and he had night terrors. Benjy said he thinks that he had a cat and it was on his stomach and pressing it up and down and that might have scared him.
Jon asked if Scott the Engineer was at those parties. Scott said he doesn't think so. He said he may have but he doesn't remember. He said he was busy with his DJ parties and things like that. Scott said there was no hiding anything from Howard though so if anything happened he knew he was going to get it.
Jon said that Scott must have gotten his balls busted a lot back then. Scott said he did. Jon said he saved that tape of Jon doing his Tonight Show audition so he could get him back. Scott said he has other recordings that he might be able to use against people on the show. Scott said Howard told him one thing when he started there. He told him to roll on everything so he does. Scott said he may have material from all kinds of things that they don't know about. Jon said that's what he's afraid of. He said he knows he has embarrassing stuff that he's recorded in there.
Will asked if he has anyone who has done a read there that he can use against them in the future. Scott said he has everyone. He said he has Gary clearing his throat and things like that. He said there is no reason to use it though.
Benjy said Scott would be a great mole. He said he might be one to get other people to open up. Scott said he might be. Scott said he doesn't record unless he's got someone in there to record something.
Jon took a call from a guy who said one of the best things he heard on the show was when John and Fred would get into it. Jon said he thinks that they enjoyed annoying each other. He said he's not sure that Fred and John ever patched things up. He said it seems like something is stuck in Fred's craw. Benjy said he's not sure if he's really upset with him. He said if he believes what he says on air then he must be upset with him.
Jon said he thinks there is a kernel of truth in everything someone says. Scott said it depends on the situation. Jon said he thinks they all have very thick skin there but if you hit that Achilles heel it's going to hurt. Jon said John was masterful at getting under people's skin and getting it out of them.
Benjy said he doesn't think it's a real skill to get under someone's skin. He said he thinks it's just if you're willing to do it. Benjy said he doesn't think it's a talent. He said he thinks if they had a competition they could have someone come out above someone else.
Jon said he thinks Jason is good at it. He said he thinks he enjoys it. He said he prides himself in doing it. Will said Jason seems to think that it's part of the show. He said that's why he does it. Jon said he thinks that they all bait people on the show in one way or another. Scott said he doesn't like it when it's done to him so he won't do it to other people.
Will said it's a strange work environment. He said it's tough to piss someone off on the show. He said you feel uncomfortable doing it. Jon said the fans seem to like the fights though. He said Sal gives and takes. He said that Richard does the same thing but not as much. Will said he's not sure about Richard. Jon said Richard will goof on you and prank you. He said he is a sweetheart of a guy though. Will said he's less malicious than some of them.
Jon asked Scott about his PSA that they replayed today. He said he's defied the odds and he's still alive and kicking. Scott said it's 18 years later. He said he had quit smoking around that time but he started again later and then quit again. Jon asked if it's strange hearing that PSA so many years later. Scott said it is. He said you don't realize going forward what it's going to be like.
Benjy said just hearing a clip from 1996 is strange. Scott said seeing himself in a casket at the funeral for Debella is even weirder. He said he was playing Debella in the casket so that's really strange to him.
Jon said he's still with them though. He said that he's just as riveting too. He said they had to go to break after that.
Jon moved on to talk about Dave Grohl and Taylor Hawkins who were in back in 2002 to perform a couple of songs. He said he thinks that Dave Grohl is tough to beat when it comes to live performances on the show. He said he's a big fan of Howard's and he has done very well for himself.
will said they're lucky to have such a great relationship with Dave and Taylor. Scott said the thing about their appearances is that they didn't really set up for a performance. He said they just sat down and played something without the set up.
Jon said it's very difficult for musicians to come in and perform so early in the morning. He said he always thought Dave and Taylor were great together on the show. Benjy asked if they're still together in the band. Jon said they are. Steve said he thinks that Taylor and the other guys in the band have another band without Dave that they play with. Benjy asked if it's Dave's band or do they all have equal say in it. No one was sure about that.
Jon got back to Scott the Engineer. He asked him why he had such a hard time quitting smoking. Scott said it's an addiction. He said it's just really tough. Jon asked if he manifested his addiction in something else. Scott said he gained a lot of weight eating so that's where it went. Jon asked how he stopped smoking and stayed thin. Scott said he went on a diet. Jon said any addict goes from one thing to another. Scott said maybe it was bowling. He just took it one step at a time. He said he still eats a lot when he gets stressed out.
Benjy asked if he started smoking at 9. Scott said it wasn't that early but he did start pretty early to try to be cool.
Jon and Benjy talked about Benjy's weight loss. Jon said he thinks that Benjy is going to cram at the last minute to lose it all. Benjy said he thinks he will and it might happen. He said he might not make it. Benjy said he saw a person tweet last week that they thought he'd lose 36 pounds. He thought that was really sweet until he realized that was one pound off. Will said he's with that guy. He's hoping he's off by one pound too. They had to take another break after that.
Jon got Jeff Probst on the line and asked if he's fired up for this afternoon. Jeff said he is and they have a great line up today. He ran down a long list of names of people who were going to be on the show today. He said that Ike Barinholtz had a great appearance on the show recently and he will be on the show.
Jeff said the thing that he's asked about most is the birthday show. He said he thinks that will be a big part of the show today. Jeff said they'll ask Natalie Maines about that. He said he's curious about how the show continues to evolve. He said he just watched Private Parts with his wife and he's reminded of how much the show has evolved and continues to change. He said he wonders if he changes with it too. He said he wants to get thoughts on that from the other panelists. Jeff said Natalie is also concerned about a couple of the staffers and two of them are in the studio now. Benjy asked if he can give any other information. Jeff said Natalie is a huge super fan of the show and she's concerned about Benjy and what this whole bet is about. Jeff said that she's also wondering if Hein should lose more than 5 pounds.
Jon said he thinks that he and Jeff do similar things with the channels. He said that they have to get the opinions out there but they have to move the show along too. Jon said he has to suppress what he has to say and let other people speak. Jeff said he agrees. He said he knows he's the least funny and interesting person on the show. He said Andy Richter can be very funny so he knows what his job is and that's to tee up questions for the other people on the show.
Jeff said he feels like it's therapy inducing. He said that hosting just sounds so lame. He said he writes to Jon often and he appreciates what he does with the show. He said it's like a juggling act. He said he has to figure out what to do with the whole show. Jeff said when they went live he wondered what it would be like when there is no show. He said they've turned it into their own show. Jeff said he was listening to the gay and genetic thing the other day and that was fascinating. Jon said he has to run the board now too. He said that's really fun. He told Jeff he should try that too.
Jon said when you host you can't be the most interesting person in the room. Benjy said that Jeff and Jon are similar. Jon said Jeff is masterful with what he does at the tribal councils. Jon said that Jeff makes something difficult look very easy to do. Will said Jon is the other way around.
Benjy asked Jeff if he thinks that Jon is up there with him. Jeff said he has always been honest in every interview he's done. He said he thins Jon is a great show runner and interviewer. He said this might be the dumbest conversation he's had in the past year. He said he gets inside Jon's head when he's running the show. He said he thinks he's really good at doing what he does. Jeff said he realizes more and more every day how much he's stolen from Howard without consciously knowing he's doing it. He said he's been able to say what's on his mind because of Howard. He said that's what Howard has done and he has taken that from the show. Jeff said that Robin said to Howard that she doesn't masturbate and Howard called her out on that. He said he thinks that having the balls to say that is what he thinks he's taken the most of. He said Jon isn't afraid to go for the jugular in that room too.
Benjy said he was masturbating to that. Jon thanked Jeff for calling in and was about to let him go. Jeff asked Benjy if he really wants to lose the weight. Truly wants to lose it. Benjy started to give a long answer but Jon told him to give them a yes or no. Benjy said yes.
Jon said Shuli is there so he had him give a rundown of what they had coming up on Howard 100 News today. Shuli ran down a few stories they had coming up. They wrapped up and ended the show around 11:15am.
Various Stuff. 9/21/00. 6:05am
Howard started off the show reading a list of celebrities who didn't graduate high school. He thought it was pretty interesting but didn't know where Gary got the list. Some of the celebrities included:
To celebrate the Olympics Howard is thinking of holding his own special Olympics. He'd like to have people like Gary the Retard and CP Comic Michael Aronin compete in games against each other. It's just a thought right now though. The subject of Robin's horses came up and that led to Jackie offering to compete against her in an Olympic horse riding competition. Jackie once rode one of Robin's horses and everyone kept telling Robin that he could ride just as well as her. She got very defensive and says Jackie can't ride at all. Now she wants him to prove it. Robin said that she doesn't see her horses that much since she moved in to a new house recently. She only sees them every few weeks instead of every weekend. Howard wondered why she just doesn't sell the things. She says she loves her horses and won't sell them. She says she's kind of busy with her new house and doesn't have time to ride them but they're being taken care of.
Stuttering John has been suffering from hemorrhoids lately and today he came in and told Howard that he's got one the size of a ping pong ball. Howard and the crew asked him to show it but he said he hadn't showered lately so it wasn't clean. Everyone begged him to show it but he wouldn't budge. Dominic Barbara called in and offered him $1000 to show it. Howard offered another $1000. Robin threw in another $1000 and Fred upped it another $500. John still wouldn't do it. He was the one who originally brought up the idea but he changed his mind pretty quickly. Tom Chiusano called in and offered another $1000. Howard said that he'd even put the picture up on HowardStern.com if he did it. He turned down the $4500 offer. Howard upped his offer to $2000 which then made Dominic up his to $2500. The total was up to $7500 and he was still turning it down. John said he'd probably do it if he were drunk. Everyone told him to go drink. Gary even said he'd offer a picture of his butt hole for free. They even offered to have 10 listeners down to the studio who would each pay $1000 to view it. That would bring the total up to $17,500. He turned the offer down. No one could believe that he was turning that amount of money down. Howard later heard that he was on the phone with is wife saying that he wouldn't do it for $50,000.. it's just not him.
Ol' Dirty Bastard (Dirt McGirt) Comes In. 5/5/03. 8:05am
Rapper Ol' Dirty Bastard came in this morning to talk about his stay in prison and other stuff. Howard brought him in and said he was doing his show first before others. He said he brought Damon Dash from his record company with him. Robin said she almost didn't recognize him because he'd gained so much weight in prison. Howard said Ol' Dirty Bastard was calling himself Dirt McGirt and has a line of clothing out with that name on it. Howard said he wasn't even sure where to begin this morning. He noticed that he had diamond encrusted teeth and pointed that out. He quickly moved on to ask him about his weight gain also. ODB said he went up to 238 pounds from 170. He said he's going to stay big but ''...I'm gonna slim it out a little.'' Howard asked ODB about his stay in prison and what that was like. ODB said they had him locked up so even Get Smart couldn't find his way out. He said it feels great to be out of there because it was like hell in there. Howard asked ODB if any guys tried to make moves on him while he was in prison. ODB said ''Hell no!'' and laughed. He said he had to fight a few people while they were in there. Howard tried to talk more about stuff like that but this guy Damon wanted him to talk about the new music. Howard told him that he and ODB keep it real when he comes in and continued to talk about the prison thing. ODB kept saying that he's happy to be out of there because it was so bad. Howard asked him about his parole and all of the rules he has to go by now that he's out of prison. He said he's going to get to the studio and work on his next album. Damon said they should have something this week ready to play. Howard was trying to interview ODB but Damon kept interrupting him asking him to talk about the music. Howard gave ODB a plug for the web site they have set up for him at DirtMcGirt.com and told Damon to back off a little bit. Howard asked ODB about what kind of fun he's had since getting out of prison. ODB talked about how he wasn't able to have any fun at all in prison. Howard asked him how long it took him to get laid once he got out. ODB said he had a woman waiting for him right outside prison so he could get some. Howard said if it were him, he'd be banging right then instead of doing the interview. ODB just said ''Yeah....'' and Robin said he seemed to be thinking the same thing Howard was thinking.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked Damon to leave the studio so Howard could do his interview the way he wanted. Howard agreed but Damon said he didn't want them to just talk about negative stuff. He said he wanted them to talk about some positive stuff. Damon apologized to the woman after she complained. Mariann from Brooklyn called in and screeched out some stuff and asked ODB what's going on between him and Mariah Carey. Howard said that was a good question and asked ODB what was going on between them. ODB said they did a song together. Howard asked him if there was anything romantic going on there. ODB said she's ''good people'' and he got to hang out with her right after he got out of prison. Howard asked him if he ever thought about her while he was in prison. Damon said that she supported him like a real friend when he was in prison. ODB didn't really answer that one.
Gary came in and said that Damon is worth about $300 million and mentioned a few other things about him that were pretty interesting. He was dating Aaliyah at the time of her death and has dated Ananda Lewis as well. He didn't seem interested in talking about that stuff though. Howard asked him how you make that kind of money in the music business. He said he's also done some movies and stuff like that. Howard talked to him about the money thing for a short time and then took some more phone calls. He also gave ODB a plug for this live web chat he's doing tonight at 9:30 tonight. at DirtMcGirt.com. He told ODB he was happy he was finally out of prison and asked him what he has to do now. ODB said that he has to stay off of drugs and all of that negative stuff. Howard asked him what kind of drugs he was doing when he got in trouble. He said they were great but didn't want to say exactly what they were. Howard wished him luck and did the same for Damon. Damon said they'll send over the record on Wednesday for Howard to play. Howard told ODB that he thought they were trying to make an example out of ODB as far as the drug thing and that's why they treated him so harshly. He asked ODB a couple more questions about what he's going to do now that he's out of prison and then wrapped up the interview and went to break. He also found out that ODB wants to be known as Dirt McGirt from now on.
Various Stuff. 4/11/03. 6:05am
Howard said he spoke to someone last night about Robin's weight loss. He didn't want to mention the guy's name because Robin knows him. He said the guy asked Howard if he knew how she lost the weight she's lost lately. Howard said the guy was standing behind her staring at her ass and told him about that. Howard kiddingly said that it was this guy Bucky. Howard said he's proud of her for losing the weight. Robin said she has to get a new wardrobe because she's lost so much weight. Robin said she's still losing weight though. She said her goal is her original weight of 8 pounds. She said she's still heavier than people think she is. She said she has about 15 more to lose. Howard said she was at her best weight when they were at WNBC. She said she really was at the right weight back then. Howard said he wants to see her without the afro at that weight. Gary asked her if she'd pose for Playboy if she got to her goal weight. She said she's thought about that and would like to have people see her body at that age. Stuttering John came in and asked Howard if he knew how much weight she lost. Howard said it was about 50 but Robin corrected him and said it was about 60 pounds now. She said she should be done by sometime in May. Gary said ''Photo shoot in June!'' John asked Howard if he'd be turned off if Beth gained 60 pounds. Howard said he's told her not to do that because it won't be good. Howard said he knew a guy whose wife gained a lot of weight and he never said a word to her. Then she got the workout bug and got back down to her old weight. Then she dumped him even though he never said a word about her getting fat. Howard said you can call your women fat because they won't leave you until they lose the weight.
Sean the White Rapper called in and cursed within seconds so Howard hung up on him. The guys weren't sure why he was doing late lately and talked about him for a short time. Howard took another call from a guy who was wondering if Robin has to use birth control these days. Robin said that she really doesn't have to use anything. Gary reminded Howard that she went through menopause. Robin said she doesn't get a regular cycle anymore. She said it's not a monthly thing anymore, it's more of an annual thing. Howard asked her what she'd do if she got pregnant. She said she's never gotten pregnant and doesn't think that she'd be able to live with herself. She said she'd probably have to jump off a building after having the baby. She said she wouldn't be able to have an abortion and live with herself either. She said that she'd have to keep the baby and raise it herself.
Robin said that her period's come and go on occasion and she said she's not well lubricated down there anymore either. She has to use lube once in a while. Howard told her that if he put her with Brad Pitt, she wouldn't have a problem. She said it doesn't work like that anymore. She said ''it's just not there'' anymore. Robin said that the signs of menopause start showing up in your 40's and Gary said his wife is now 42 so that might be coming soon. Howard asked her about using the K-Y jelly and she talked about that no problem. She told Howard they still have sex once or twice a week so her sex drive hasn't gone down. Howard said he and Beth have sex about 5 times a week. Howard said they double up on weekends so he's probably having sex 7 times a week. Stuttering John has known his wife for 6 years and they don't do it that often these days. John asked Howard what it was like with his wife toward the end of their marriage. Howard said he wasn't going to talk about that though. John was wondering when that attraction will wear off for Howard and Beth. Gary told Howard that Beth will eventually need that lube by the side of the bed but he said that's not going to happen.
Stuttering John said that Robin has a fan in her room there because she gets hot flashes. Robin said that still happens these days and she still has the fan in there.
Gary told Howard that he and his wife go through phases where they have sex a bunch of times and then stop for like a month. Howard asked Gary about the old days when he used to get tons of chicks. Gary would only smile, he didn't seem to want to talk about it since he's married now. Howard said he thinks Fred was gay back then because he didn't seem to be into chicks back then. Howard said there was a period of about 10 years when Fred was a mess. Robin and Gary said there was a whole room of women at WNBC who loved Fred and he didn't act upon it. Gary said he wouldn't bang the chicks for some reason.
Howard talked to Fred about how he doesn't have to wait a few months to bang his wife after having the baby. Gary said you really do have to wait that long but Howard said it's only 7 weeks. The guys were talking about how guys will still look at naked women in magazines and stuff even when they're having a great time with their women. Howard said he still looks at naked chicks in magazines even though he has Beth. Howard said he knows for a fact that some of the guys in the room have done stuff with women other than their wives/girlfriends but he won't say who it was. He said one of the guys in the room is guilty of doing that. He had Robin look around the room to see if she could tell who that might be. Howard said Benjy would love to be on the hook for that one but he's not even close. Howard said all of the other guys were on the list of possibilities. He stopped it before it got any farther though.
Boy George Plays ''Guess The Gay Guy.'' 9/26/00. 8:35am
Singer Boy George came in to promote a few concerts that he and his old band Culture Club are making. They're appearing at the Beacon Theater in New York City Wednesday night an at the Fleet Pavilion in Boston on Thursday. You can get ticket info at LiveTonight.com. Howard said that George is looking pretty good these days and he's not wearing the ''dresses'' he used to wear in the old days. He was dressed fairly normal. Howard talked to him about his drug usage for a minute then moved on and took a phone call from a woman who said she'd like to date George. Howard reminded her that George is gay. She still wanted to go out with him and asked him if he's sure he's gay. He's very sure. A guy called in and also said he'd like to go out with George.
George said that he could probably convert some straight guys to become gay. Howard mentioned that George had sex with the drummer from Culture Club but that guy denied it for a while. He's now married with 2 kids but he does admit he had a fling with George. The band is back together and they're on a 5 week tour of the U.S.
George told Howard that he's too tall for him but he looks at most men in a sexual way. His ''type'' is someone like Matt Dillon. Howard read a quote that said something like ''Matt is more scrumptious than any piece of crispy bacon.'' George said he met Matt one time and sat on a bed with him but Matt seemed scared to be there. George also said that rapper Eminem is pretty cute.
Howard showed George the pictures of Sting that he'd seen earlier in the show. George said that his ''bum'' was nice but his penis was quite small. He was getting a little too much into the pictures so Howard changed the subject and took the magazine away from him.
Howard asked George whether he likes to pitch or catch better. George said that he's done both and doesn't prefer one of the other. He also told Howard that his first anal sex experience wasn't as bad as you'd think it was.
A caller asked George if he would bring KC out of the closet. Howard had KC come in so George could check him out. George wasn't sure if he was gay or not but did say that anyone who spends that much time with his hair is suspect. George also said that he thinks all guys are made up of equal parts of Rambo and Lucille Ball.. whatever the hell that means.
Howard had a game for George to play. He had 3 guys come in the studio who all claimed to be gay. George, and the others, had to guess which one was actually gay. The first guy, Sean Michael, sounded effeminate and told Howard that he's bi-sexual. He said that he's an actor and a waiter which sounded gay to Howard. He said that he likes to give oral to other guys. The second guy, Tim, was a black guy who didn't have that much to say. He is also an actor and he started having gay sex at 19. Boy George said that his eyebrows led him to think he might be gay. The third guy, whose nick name is ''Nasty'', looked very gay and acted so gay that Howard thought for sure that he was the one. He says he's one of the creators of ''Tony and Tina's Wedding''. He said that he enjoys going to the Vince Lombardi rest stop on the NJ parkway to have gay sex.
Boy George couldn't make up his mind about which of the three was gay but finally settled on number 2. Howard and the rest of the crew went with number 1.. except for Fred who went with number 2. The actual gay guy was number 2. George said it was the way he folded his arms and raised his eyebrow that gave it away.
Howard spent a little while longer with George. He found out that they're having a ''Boy George Day'' in Pittsburgh, PA on October 1. Gary said that George's people had to make sure that was announced for some reason.
Finally, Gary brought in a whole group of fans who showed up to see George this morning. Gary said he hasn't seen that many fans for one guy show up at the station before. He said bigger bands have come in and not attracted this many people. Howard spoke to a few of them. There was only one guy in the bunch and he claims that he's not gay. He flew all the way in from Brazil to follow Culture Club around on their tour. There were a couple of British women who are going to follow the group for the full 5 week tour. Another woman said that she's not going on the whole tour, she's just going to 11 of the shows.
Comedian Craig Gass Visits. 06/20/06. 9:25am
Howard said that Craig Gass called him last night and said he wanted to come in as Kinison and just leave after 5 minutes or so. Howard said Craig has never left after 5 minutes. Craig came in and said that the 5 minute thing came up because Howard always says they're not interested in his regular life.
Howard said he made the mistake of giving Craig his phone number. Howard asked Craig if he wanted to do his Kinison but Sal and Richard told him to do his Tracy Morgan impression. Craig said the guy is great but he's filled with non-sequiturs. He did a little bit of that impression and told some stories about Morgan and his wacky stories. He said you never know what the guy is talking about.
Craig told a story about trying to impress a girl he was on a date with by introducing her to Tracy Morgan. It was a big mistake because Tracy asked her if she was going to suck Craig's dick that night. Artie said he once played a softball game with Norm MacDonald and Tracy Morgan and the guy was just smiling and having fun talking about how the crowd was mortified watching them play.
Artie said that Tracy had his own show for a while but it's easy for people to forget who you are even when you have your own show. Richard said Craig once took Gary the Retard to a Saturday Night Live party and introduced him to some people. Craig said sometimes he doesn't have anyone to hang out with so someone has to hang out with him. Sal and Richard said they hang out with him sometimes when they do comedy shows. The last time they hung out they took him out golfing and were putting eggs down instead of balls. They taped it but haven't given it to Doug Goodstein at In Demand yet.
Craig told a story about dressing Gary the Retard up as Hitler and sending him out on stage at a comedy show. They didn't tell Bob Levy about it before the show so he was surprised when Gary walked out doing the Heil Hitler thing. Craig said they took him to the airport one time and asked him what they taught him. Gary was in the middle of the airport doing the Heil Hitler thing in the middle of the airport.
Craig said that Gary sometimes comes up with brilliant stuff and told a story about him asking KC about what kind of drink he had and if he was going to gamble with him. The guys didn't think Craig's story showed anything brilliant so they asked him to get back to his Tracy Morgan impression.
Richard said he loves Craig's impression of Paul Stanley from KISS. Craig did a little bit of that and also did his Gene Simmons impression. Sal said Craig throws in other impressions in the middle of those when they're out doing shows. Craig did his Gilbert Gottfried impression and did a little more of the Paul Stanley stuff.
Howard said he can't believe what a heart Craig has because he actually takes care of Gary the Retard. Craig thought Howard might do that but Howard said he'd probably lock him up in a closet.
Gary got an IM from Kidd Chris who said that he and Craig got Chlymidia from the same chick. Sal said that Craig is gross because he once showed his bloody finger and said that he had fingered a chick who was on her period. Craig denied that but Richard said it was true.
There was a story about Sal getting this chick to come up on stage to get spit on one time. After she did that Craig banged her. Craig said he was single at the time and was banging a lot of chicks. Sal said that he'll fuck anything he can because the chicks aren't all good looking. He said that one chick looked like Bela Lugosi.
Howard asked Craig to go into his Sam Kinison impression and do some of his material. Craig will be on Jim Breuer's show later this week doing the Kinison thing. They have comedians on to do tributes to their favorite comedian acts. Craig will close the show with his Kinison stuff.
Sal said that Craig does the Kinison scene from ''Back to School'' really well so Howard had him do that. Craig started to do it but went off on a tangent when he brought up Dice Clay. Howard stopped him and asked him to stick to the actual scene. Craig did the parts of the scene that he could remember and impressed the guys.
Howard wondered why Craig is going on Breuer's show doing his Kinison bits instead of putting together show on Broadway. That led to Howard talking about how he was thinking about making a Sam Kinison movie years ago but some people in Hollywood thought it was too soon. Howard thought that Robin Williams would have played Sam great but no one wanted to do that.
Jessica Hahn called in so Howard asked her if she would be part of this Broadway show he's thinking about. She said she could do that and she'd even clean up his shit on stage. Howard told Craig if he just stuck to the bits the show would be great.
Howard gave Craig some plugs for some upcoming shows. You can find out more details at IHateComedians.com. A caller told Howard that Craig had gotten that scene from ''Back to School'' wrong and explained what he had wrong. Howard found the audio clip from the actual movie and played that to see how off Craig actually was. He wasn't far off.
Craig did another Sam Kinison bit that they did on Saturday Night Live one time. That got the guys talking about how unbelievable it is that he's gone. Both he and Rodney Dangerfield are gone and Howard couldn't believe it. Artie remembered the day that Sam had died and how he wanted to stay up and hear Howard talk about him dying. Artie remembered details of that day and some of the jokes that Howard told that day to lighten the mood.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Craig to do his Al Pacino impression. Craig did a little bit of that and then Ralph called in and complained about him not getting the lines from that one movie right. Craig, as Sam, went off on Ralph about being 40 and not being able to get his life right.
Howard wrapped up with Craig and gave him a few plugs for his upcoming gigs and web site. He went to break a short time later.
In another clip Robin read about a pistachio processor that was having some problems. Howard said that a lot of them are grown in California. Howard said that nuts aren't even safe to eat. Robin said the company, Pistachip, was recalling over 1 million pounds of product over contamination problems. Artie said he was about to make a joke about Robin eating Jim Florentine's nuts. Howard asked Robin if she has ever licked a guy's nut sack. Robin said her tongue may go different places. Howard said she's a good girl. He asked if she has ever done the ass thing. She said there's a long way to go to get there. Robin read more about the Pistachio problem and that got Howard and Artie were making up songs about her and Florentine.
In another clip Robin read a story about the pope and that got Howard doing his impression of the guy. Robin read things that he had said and Howard did his impression of him saying those things. Robin had some audio of the Pope speaking and that got Howard doing more of his impression.
In another clip Robin read a story about a man who tried to have sex with young kids. Robin read the details of that story and Howard asked what the difference is between first degree sodomy and third degree is. Robin said she was going to ask him. Howard said he wants to know. Robin said that sodomy means different things. Howard said it could be anal or oral sex. Howard said he thinks he knows which is first for him. He'd say oral. Jackie said if someone was going to do something to him he thinks that would be first degree. Stuttering John came in and said it depends on age and the degree of force used. They spent a few minutes talking about first and third degree and what they mean in different circumstances.
Howard took a call from a guy who told him the difference between first and third degree sodomy. Howard said first is anal. Howard and the caller spent a couple of minutes talking about that.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he had the penal law right in front of him. Howard had some fun saying ''penal'' with the caller. The caller read Howard the law and told him what the first degree sodomy meant. The caller gave him the rundown of what second and third degree sodomy meant too.
Robin read more of the story about the guy who was charged and what he was up to. Robin and Howard spent a couple of minutes talking about that story.
The Topless Sun Bather Across The Street. 6/11/97. 10:25am
During a commercial break late in the show someone pointed out to Howard that there was a topless woman sun bathing on a building near Howard's building. Howard is on the 14th floor and the woman was on the roof of a building that was about 6 stories high. According to Howard, just about everyone at the station was standing at the window looking at the woman. Howard was so amazed that he had Robin go with him to take a look. Howard got the wireless microphone and brought Robin along with him. They starred for a few seconds and then decided to send Stuttering John over to interview her. Gary came into the studio and told Howard that the people at David Letterman's show could see her from their building also. About 10 minutes later John was ready to go to the roof. By this time the E! camera was on the woman zooming in. John made his way over to the woman with a cellular phone. When the woman saw John she put her top back on. John handed the phone over to her and Howard asked her if she knew that everyone in the area was watching her. The woman said she really didn't know but she wasn't too upset about it either. She's originally from Sweden but has been living in the city for 4 years. She left her top on after that. Howard ruined it for all of those people. What a shame...
Today's special was over around 10:20am.
Jon said they'll have to see how he handles it. Jon said he doesn't have to go to a radio show every day after doing it though. Jon said he's not sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing for Gary.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks Gary is off the hook now. He said that 50 Cent threw it like a right handed pitch with his left hand. Jon and the caller talked about how bad it was and how it went way to the left out of his left hand. Benjy asked if it really matters and if a woman did it would that get Gary off the hook. Jon said he thinks people have different standards with men and women. Benjy said he doesn't think not being able to throw a ball is that big of a deal. Jon said he does.
Jon said when they were throwing things in their meeting the other day Sal was embarrassed. He said Benjy admitted he can't throw. Steve Brandano said he doesn't think it changes the world for Gary at all. Jon said it might make it worse because they're comparing it to Gary's. Steve said he's not sure why 50 Cent would do it. He said he must know he can't throw. Jon said maybe he can throw but it didn't work out. He said he's not sure if he has a good motion or not. Steve said he thinks Gary will be stuck with it forever.
Jon took a call from a guy who said if you look at 50 Cent throwing that ball he's shockingly uncoordinated. He said it looked like it was a joke. Jon said he would say it was a joke if he were 50 Cent. He said he'd just say he's a right and he threw left just as a joke.
Jon said if you go to a basketball game and you miss a shot not even touching the rim then you're going to be embarrassed. Jon said he thinks this is going to make it worse for Gary.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Gary went through a lot of preparation to get ready for his pitch. He said he had douche chills for him. The caller wondered how you throw a ball that far from the plate. He said it's just bad being a baseball fan and a Mets fan. Jon said it wasn't even near the plate. He said for Gary it wasn't near the plate and he hit the umpire.
Jon said that it can mess you up when you over think something like that. He said the more you talk about it the harder it might be. He asked Benjy what he thinks about that. Benjy said he could talk about that for 24/7 but he hates that. He said he enjoys it more when you don't think about it so much. Jon said when he over thinks something it gets him more nervous. He said he'd much rather react than prepare.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks that they'll forget about Gary after this. He said that the news is abusing 50 Cent over this now. Jon asked if he has reacted to that yet. The caller said he's not sure. He mentioned that they had a cat throw out a first pitch recently. Jon said if anything they're going to bring up Gary again and he's sure they're doing that out in L.A. today. Benjy wondered if Gary was behind this.
Jon said he thinks that 50 Cent will ignore it and it will go away. He doesn't think Gary's will ever go away. They went to break a short time later.
Benjy said he's more worried about what other people say when they have influence. He said he's not sure why the weight thing bothers Jon because he can change it. Jon said of course he can. He said he can get in better shape but he can't change the shape of his body. He said even if he loses body fat he would have the same shape body. Benjy said he could have better posture. Jon said that's true.
Jon said when Howard tells you something it rings more true. Benjy said he doesn't think that's the case for him.
Jon took a call from a guy who said if that 50 Cent thing was basketball or football it would be a bigger deal. He said that he thinks that when Howard does too many interviews on one show he loses interest. He said that's what Natalie was saying yesterday and he agrees with her. The caller also asked who they think could take over Artie's chair in there. Jon said he doesn't know if anyone will ever go in that chair. He said he thinks Howard likes the dynamic of the show the way it is now. He said there are a lot of people who could do a good job in there. He said he doesn't think it will get filled any time soon though. He's just speculating though.
Jon said some people don't like the back to back interviews but they're going to bring them if it fits their schedule. Jon said that Natalie wants things a certain way and he thinks that Howard doing Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday is great but it might not be as great as having it all week. He said it's better than one day a week. Jon said they all love it when the show goes in a different direction. He said they love the staff things and the Wack Pack and other things. Jon said he thinks that there are going to be parts you like and parts you don't. He said that's the way it is in life. Jon said he admires Howard for keeping up with pop culture as long as he has. He said he thinks that's part of the success of the show. Jon said this is also one of the most loyal fan bases ever. He said that's a tribute to Howard and what he does.
Jon said they have fewer days for guests to come in but there will always be time for Howard to talk about the staff. He said he hopes that people continue to like what they hear. He said that they love talking about it on this show too. Jon said they had to go to break after that.
Benjy said that Craig helped him get his career started. He said he was writing a lot of stuff for him when he was doing characters and stuff. He said Craig told Howard how much it helped him and that helped him out. Benjy said he thinks that both of his parents are deaf and that might be why he's so in tune with people's voices. Jon said that makes sense. Jon said Craig has always been very nice to him. He said he thinks he's very talented and it's great when he comes on the show.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he had never heard Craig before and it was great to hear him and Artie going back and forth. He said he was doing the Tracy Morgan impression before Tracy was even popular. Benjy said he thinks that Craig should be bigger than he is. Jon said he thinks Craig does a lot of stand up and he opens for a lot of bands and stuff. He said he thinks he makes a good living. Benjy said he thinks that he'd be great on AGT. Jon said sometimes if you're known as an impressionist people may not know your name. They may know you more for your voices.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he knows Howard complains about the 6am start time. He asked if he would do a later start time and do more days than he is now. Jon said he doesn't think they're going to get more days. He said going to afternoons would be nice for the staff. He said Howard likes to be first thing in the morning. He said shifting the show to 8 might be a possibility but he really doesn't know. He said they could do afternoon shows but he doesn't think they will. Benjy said he would hope so. He said Howard has said that the happiest he was in his life was doing afternoons.
Lisa G was in and asked if they thought he liked doing the show at noon. Jon said he thinks he did. He said he thinks Howard likes being the first thing out of the box though. Jon said going to afternoons would be a nightmare in traffic for him. He said waking up later would be easier. Benjy said he thinks they'd be on better in the afternoons. He said Robin had a great idea to move to England and wake up later but do a show in the afternoon there and they'd be on the right time there in New York.
Jon asked Lisa what she had in the headlines. Lisa ran down a few things they had coming up in today's Howard 100 News. They ended the show after that. They were done around 11:10am.
Howard's Photo Shoot And Ronnie's New Life. 12/05/11. 6:00am
Show opening bits and songs included: A Riley Martin song parody, a Tyra Banks Show parody about phobias, Billy Joel performing ''Summer Highland Falls'' live in the Howard Stern Show studio, Yoko Ono's ''People of Earth... How are you?'' clip.
Howard started the show saying good morning to everyone who was there. He said that he's still not sure how many companies Sirius XM is. He said for their purposes they're two companies and for the stock holders they're one. He said he can't figure it all out.
Howard said he's very tired even though he went to bed fairly early. He said he watched Boardwalk Empire last night and loved that. He said it was a great episode. Howard said Robin will love it. Robin said she has to watch either that or Dexter and she had to watch Dexter last night. Howard said he's still on season 2 of Dexter but it is fabulous. Howard said Beth hasn't been watching it but he thinks she'd like it.
Howard said yesterday he was very busy doing a photo shoot for Ralph. He said Ralph has an app available in iTunes that's a magazine (Champion Magazine). He said it's for your iPhone or iPad. He said Ralph asked him to shoot some pictures for the cover of the app but he's not even sure how that works. Howard said they have a different magazine every month and it's devoted to all things geeky.
Howard said they shot a group of people who go to comic book conventions and dress up as various characters. Robin asked if he was really interfacing with the people who go to those conventions. Howard said he did. He said there is an article on them that they're writing for the magazine. Robin said this is encouraging them.
Howard said Sam Simon is involved with this thing and they rented a location for a couple grand. Howard said he wanted to put them all in a rich setting so that's why they rented this space. He said he liked all of the people. He said they were very nice. He said he had a lot of technical problems with his flashes and things like that. He said there isn't much light in the building so he had to create his own light.
Howard said he was on his own but had to call his teacher for some help. He said that Doug helped him over the phone. He said he had to go to play B to get it done. Howard said he was very stressed out because he does want to come through for them. He said he's kind of on his own though so it's tough. He said he needed to set up for 2 hours but he didn't have the two hours to set up.
Howard said there from 11am to 5pm and he didn't get a chance to finish the shoot. Howard said this was harder than radio. He said he can't take the time to go and work another job to get himself up to where he needs to be. Robin said he could do that on the side. Howard said if he did it would be trouble for this show. Howard said this is the way it's got to be.
Howard said he shot all day and he had Ronnie there for security reasons. He said he had him watching his cameras and stuff. He said Ronnie was also doing some stand in work. He said he heard Ronnie on the phone with someone and he was obsessed listening. Howard said Ronnie stepped out of the room but he was talking really loud. He said he heard him telling someone about how this girl wasn't going to be hot chick of the week. He said he has some kind of organization around this Twitter thing. Howard said Ronnie is in charge of nothing but now he has a TV deal and this Twitter thing going on. Howard said Ronnie was yelling at this person on the phone. He said he didn't know what the fuck he was doing when he first got on Twitter. He was the one who suggested he have a hot chick of the week. Now it's become his life. He said Ronnie is so involved in that Hot Chick of the Week thing.
Howard said Ronnie is also calling Monday's ''Mund-Days.'' Howard said that's his other thing. He said he heard him on the phone and he was acting like he had a whole organization going on with the Hot Chick of the Week. He said he was very loud and aggravated on the phone. He said you really had to see it.
Howard said Ronnie has a whole life now. Howard said FOX flew Ronnie out to Los Angeles to let him walk the red carpet out at an MMA event. Howard said he had some audio of Ronnie being interviewed out there too.
Howard played the clip and a reporter was talking to Ronnie like he was a star. Howard said he doesn't really want Ronnie out there doing this stuff. Howard said that Ronnie says that Twitter got him the job too. Ronnie came in freaking out saying that he never said that. He said that the sitcom deal came through twitter. Howard said it comes through the show. Ronnie said that's what he told the woman. He asked why Howard has to break his balls. Howard said it's not Twitter that got him that work. He said it's this show that got him the work. Ronnie said he knows that and Howard knows he appreciates it.
Howard asked Ronnie who called him yesterday that he had to yell at about the Hot Chick of the Week. Ronnie said he thought Howard was busy with the photo shoot. He said that he was talking to someone about the Hot Chick of the Week thing. He said he was talking to Zena, the girl who works with him on that thing. Howard said he got the feeling that he didn't want some girl being part of it. Howard said Howard TV was shooting this photo shoot yesterday. He said he hopes they got him yelling on the phone. Ronnie said in the month of December he decided to put up two girls. He said he put up on Twitter that he was going to have the fans pick who they like. He said one girl was bothering Zena about it. He said he told Zena that he looked to see who was getting suggestions. Ronnie said he likes doing it himself. Ronnie said he was just telling Zena that the girl wasn't going to get it just because she thought she was getting the votes.
Howard said he thinks he has it figured out. He said there's this girl who thinks that she's getting the votes and she thinks she should be Hot Chick of the Month. Ronnie didn't think so and he told Zena that on the phone. Ronnie said this was all happening yesterday. He said that he's ending the year with a Hot Chick of the Year. Howard said he should have 12 finalists and he should take them out to a club and have a whole event. Ronnie said the clubs don't want to do that. He said he could do it there but Howard doesn't want to do it there.
Howard said Ronnie was very firm with Zena. Ronnie said there was one girl who walked away with it and he had two girls who were tied with second place so he has three girls up. He said in January they'll start up again with Hot Chick of the Week. Ronnie said maybe he'll do a Hot Chick of the year too. Howard said he thinks he should.
Ronnie said he was supposed to have two women for Hot Chick of the Month but there will be 3 because they were so close. He said he had to put up more boobs so he put up 3. He told Howard the names of the girls, @xxVixenBritxx, @Jen_Duran and @Model_Barefoot.
Ronnie told Robin about how nuts Howard was getting yesterday with his shoot. He said he was going nuts because he had to get out of there. Howard said he had to tell Ralph to back off. He said he was going to let Ralph take the pictures and just go home. Howard said Ralph was on the phone and telling him what to do.
Ronnie said he couldn't believe that Howard spent 6 hours there. Howard said he was tired and he was there all day long. He said he had to apologize to Sam for getting testy with him. He said he told Sam that he was going to do a picture of the two super heroes playing chess together or something. He said he told Sam to get out of the way so he could do his thing. He said this is all on his head.
Howard said he takes everything he does very seriously. Ronnie said he does that with the Hot Chick of the Week too. Howard said he had Ronnie there helping out because he thought he needed security. Ronnie talked about the one guy dressed up like Chewbacca from Star Wars. Howard said there's a woman there who makes a living dressing up like a character. He said there was a lot going on there. He said it was fun doing the shoot.
Howard got back to Ronnie on the Red Carpet. Howard said he was like Brad Pitt out there. Howard played more of the interview that was done on the red carpet. The woman asked Ronnie about the pilot he had coming up. Ronnie said he can't talk about it right now. He said it's top secret stuff. Howard said he's acting like Jennifer Aniston now. He said that the whole interview was about how he can't talk about that stuff. Howard said Ronnie wasn't talking about him either.
Howard said Little Mikey wrote a song parody about Ronnie's poem. Ronnie said ''fuck him.'' Howard said Ronnie is so literal when he writes about Winter. He said that he was writing about how it gets darker earlier and things like that. He said that he doesn't talk about how he's in the winter of his life or anything like that. Fred stared doing his Ronnie impression and goofed on him for a few seconds. Ronnie said that's just the way he writes.
Howard played more of the Ronnie interview clip and played the last few seconds of that. Ronnie said the chick was hot. Howard said there was another chick that came over and interviewed Ronnie. She gave out the information for where she was from but she rattled it off so quick it was barely understandable. Ronnie said that she was hot too. Ronnie said she was from MMA Heat. Howard said he wanted Robin to figure it out.
Howard played the interview and this woman said it was interesting to see him in person talking instead of hearing him on the show. She asked Ronnie if they talk about the MMA a lot on the show. Ronnie said that they don't talk about it a lot on the air. He said they do have big fans there who watch. He mentioned Richie Wilson and how he's a big fan. Howard said this was some interview. Ronnie asked why it was so fucking funny. Howard said he thinks she was referring to Robin and Fred, not other people who work there.
Robin said she watched the Ronnie's Block Party special on Howard TV and it was great. Ronnie said he wants to talk about that. He said that Scott said he was the only one who got hammered in it but everyone got hammered. He said that he got hammered and so did Sal. He said Scott wasn't the only one. Howard said Scott can only see himself when he watches something like that.
Howard played more of Ronnie's interview where this woman asked him about the MMA. Ronnie said he thinks that they'll draw a lot more people having it on FOX now. The interviewer said she wants to bring Robin out to the fights. Robin said no when Howard asked if she wanted to go.
Howard said Ronnie was also on something called Star Cam during the fight. Howard played another clip where Ronnie was talking to an interviewer about how great her body was. Ronnie said that she needs a bodyguard. Ronnie didn't want to talk about Howard when she asked him about working there. Howard said they have him trained very well. Howard said he doesn't want him talking about him so he did just fine.
Robin said she's afraid when they mention he's from the Howard Stern Show and he's learning down her shirt. Howard said he needs to learn to mumble where he's from so no one knows.
Howard said Ronnie was also the star of the Wrap Up Show last week. He was on there talking about his poetry. Robin asked if he's written any poetry for Stephanie. Ronnie said he's not sure if he did. Howard said he figures she'd break up with him after he wrote her poetry. Ronnie said he's sure that Robin has had guys write her poetry. Robin said she has and she's broken up with them. Howard said Beth had a guy do that and she broke up with him.
Howard said Ronnie was telling Jon Hein about how he writes his poetry. He said that he was telling Jon that he wasn't going to tell him his formula but then he revealed it a few minutes later. Ronnie revealed that you write about the sun, the girl's hair and their eyes. Howard said the Wrap Up Show was fascinating with him. Ronnie said he learned a lot of shit with Howard yesterday. Howard said he learned about hair, sun and the eyes.
Howard said Ronnie has a whole world of his own going on. He said he finally got what he wanted. He's a mogul and he loves his fame. Howard said he goes out on tour and visits people. Ronnie said they have so many things booked now. He said they have a big hotel in Atlantic City after them now. Howard said they're like Martin and Lewis.
Howard said that Ronnie and Scott were back stage eating in the Ronnie's Block Party special on Howard TV. Scott was asking where his money was and things like that in the special too. Howard said Scott was looking for his money that night. He thought Shuli had the money already. Howard said that Scott is always quitting too. Ronnie said that they all caught shit in that show too. He said it wasn't all Scott like Scott said it was. Howard said Ronnie looks as dumb as Scott does. Ronnie said that Sal threw up in that episode too. Ronnie said they have a lot more to come. Robin said she loved when they were putting pins in the map.
Ronnie said they have gigs in January, February and April all over the country. Howard asked who the tour manager is. Ronnie said Shuli has a guy who is helping. He said he's not sure if he wants his name mentioned though. Ronnie said the West Coast guy is Sequoia and the East coast guy is Bruno.
Howard played a clip of Ronnie on the Wrap Up Show talking about writing poetry in the bathroom. Ronnie said that Jason got all disgusted when he heard that because he thought the piece of paper he had was the one from his bathroom.
Howard asked how long it took to write that poem ''Winter.'' Ronnie said it took a couple of days. He said he will walk away if he can't figure out what to write. Howard asked why he didn't write ''Winter is when I wear my jacket and hat.'' Robin said he didn't even have to use the word Winter in a poem about Winter. Ronnie said that's the way he does things and if Robin doesn't like it... Robin said that she's just asking about his writing process.
Howard did his impression of Ronnie writing about Winter. Ronnie said a lot of people were posting stuff about Winter on his Twitter. Howard played some audio from the Wrap Up Show where Ronnie was telling the guys about his poetry writing in the bathroom.
Howard said he's grossed out when someone takes the paper into the bathroom and brings it back. Howard said they should throw it right in the garbage.
Howard played more of Ronnie talking about his writing. He quickly gave up on it though. Howard said he wants a copy of that poem to read. He said he'd love to see the piece of paper he wrote it on. Ronnie said it's a mess.
Howard played a clip of Ronnie reading his poem. It was only two lines though. Ronnie said he was done after reading the first two lines. They were ''Winter is when there are no leaves on the trees. Winter is when we say goodbye to the birds and the bees.''
Howard and Fred started making up more lines for the poem. They had some fun with that for a minute. Fred was rhyming and making stuff up that Ronnie didn't think worked. He said that it had to be about winter. Fred was just rhyming.
Howard painted the scene with Ronnie writing in the bathroom. He had audio someone shitting really loud as he was writing down the poetry. Howard said that whole process should be taped. Ronnie said he wouldn't be able to do that with a camera light on him.
Howard said Little Mikey must have been inspired to write a song about Ronnie. Howard said the poem is so bad that the song is just awful. He turned the poem into a country song. Howard played the song and laughed as Mikey was singing the whole poem. Howard said this is like the Bizarro world and in that world Ronnie would be getting all of these honors and awards for his poems.
Howard said the song is terrible. Ronnie said he thinks it's great. Howard said he was lost at one point. He stopped the song and said that was a Ronnie update. Howard said he could do a poem of the week with Ronnie. He said he needs another one. Ronnie said he's working on another one for the Christmas Party.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Ronnie yells at him in the car. Howard said he can tell when he's upset because he'll start swerving around in the car. He said that he'll put the partition up and he starts driving particularly bad. Howard said it must be a psychological thing. Ronnie said that's just not true. He said that Howard is so full of shit.
The caller asked if he has to worry about cutting a cab off today after he reamed him. Howard said it's not that literal. Howard said Ronnie has a lot of anger issues. Ronnie said Howard does too. Howard said Ronnie doesn't even know how angry he is. Ronnie said Howard gets angry and starts throwing stuff fin the back. He said Howard has thrown the phone in the back of the car and banged it until it broke. Howard said that's not true. Ronnie told him to tell the truth.
Howard said they have talked for over an hour and mostly about Ronnie. Robins said she saw the Howard TV special about Richard's wedding and Ronnie was there too. Howard said he has to get Lisa G in there and they also have to talk about Eric the Midget and Johnny Fratto. Gary said he has more about that too. They went to break a short time later.
In the clip Howard was talking about the conversation they had about the guys pleasing themselves. Howard said a lot of the guys did what he had done by hiding in the bathroom. Howard said guys will do it to anything. He said Lenny Bruce said that guys would do it with mud. Howard said he's done it to some weird things. He said he has wrapped himself up with weird things. Howard said what he likes to do is put his thing on things to see how they feel. Jackie has said he used ice cream. Howard said that's too sensitive to do. He said he has put an ice cube on there. He said he'll even flop it on a sink just to see how it feels.
Howard asked the guys if they've done that. Jackie said he's put it on a piece of wood or a table cloth. Howard said he knows a guy who did it to a chicken and then cooked it. He said that's sick. Robin asked if there was a difference in the taste. Howard said it was salty.
Howard said he thought his story was kind of honest. He said he has done it after stinking up the bathroom so now when he stinks it up he gets aroused. Jackie said he's never done that. Howard said he's sure he's never done that. Howard said Jackie must have done that. Jackie said he would tell him if he had. Howard asked Fred if he's done that. Fred said he has been in the bathroom but he doesn't like to mix his actions. Howard said they're uptight.
Howard said both Gary and Jackie got excited in their cars and they have done it while driving. Howard said that he's been in his car and been aroused. Robin asked Fred if he has done it in his car. Fred said he's never done it in his car. Howard said Jackie would pull over and run into the woods to do it. He said he heard from Neil yesterday that it was a great conversation. Howard said he figured that Neil had done something like that but he never had. Howard said he'd rather do it in his car than run into the woods to do it.
Gary said Stuttering John talked about how he had finished in his car. Howard said Ronnie had finished on his gloves in the car. He said he ruins gloves doing that.
Gary said he's done it at a friend's house. Howard said he doesn't want to know more about him. He said he's the grossest guy around.
Jackie said in college he had bunk beds and that's a tricky one. Howard said he never did it in the room with roommates in college. He said it never occurred to him to do it. He said he's amazed by that. Howard said he didn't feel right about it. He said in college he was more worried about what he was going to do for a living. He said it didn't look like he was going to be able to do anything. He swears he never did it in college. Howard said he was on a lot of drugs back then too.
Howard said he had to move in with Dr. Lou. He said there was a guy he lived with who was running around high on hash and he was really weird. He said that Dr. Lou had a roommate who would go out and come back bloodied and beat up. He said they didn't know what was going on.
Gary said Jackie must have thought of a story. He saw him laughing over there. Jackie said he had a friend at college and they had an Indian student in their room. He said they came home one night and this guy was kissing the Indian guy on the lips. He said he had forgotten about it until just then.
Howard said that they had a drunk guy in their room once. He said the guy was banging two chicks at once and this other guy wanted to sleep. He said that went on a whole year. The other guy trying to sleep was in law school. He said the drunk guy was like Axl Rose in the room with music playing.
Howard said that Neil told him that the masturbation discussion was great. He said that they should call him and get him on. Gary said he should be in shortly. Howard said that Neil talked about how he had done it in his car. Howard said he wants to talk to him about that. Howard said he just uses his hand. He doesn't have a glove.
Gary said he has Neil on the phone. Howard picked up and talked to Neil about how often he does it. Neil said it's not often but he has done it. Howard asked if he drives a ''sticky shift.'' Neil said he does. He said you do it when there's no traffic and you have a long trip. Howard asked if he pulls his pants down. Neil said he does. Howard asked where he puts it. Neil said he wipes it on his pants. Howard had him swear to god he does that. Neil said he swears. Howard asked him to swear on his son's life. He didn't at first but then he did. Howard said he believes it now. Howard asked if he washes his hands when he gets home. Neil said it's gone by then. Howard thanked him for the call a short time later. He said that's Neil Drake. Howard said he thinks it's time to drop that discussion. They went to break after that.
Roger Daltry Comes In. 10/3/03. 7:40am
Howard came back from break and played some of the David Bowie song he was talking about earlier. He couldn't get the volume up on his computer though so he ended up complaining about that for a short time. He played it at the lower level but told the guys to give him some juice so he could bump it up. It wasn't working though. Howard sang along to the song. He had the lyrics wrong with ''I'm an elevator salesman'' because it's actually something like ''I'm an alligator...''
Howard said some guy sent in a song parody about Robin's experience with her diarrhea out in California. The song is ''Chariots of Fire'' and there are fart sounds and Robin's laugh thrown in.
Howard took a call from Savanna who was on the evaluators last Friday. She said she saw herself last night on E! and she thought she looked horrible. Howard said she was okay in person though. Benjy though it was just the opposite and she looked better on TV.
A listener called in and pointed out how dumb Howard sounded getting the lyrics wrong with the David Bowie song. He couldn't spend much time on that because he had to get to Roger Daltry.
The Who's Roger Daltry came in to talk to Howard. He was apparently getting kind of antsy out in the green room. Howard said Roger cut his hair so he asked him what was up with that. He said he's getting old so he cut it off. Howard said he's getting old too but he doesn't cut it. Roger said ''That's because you're ugly!'' Howard said he had to get used to that look because he was so used to seeing him with the long hair. Howard wondered if he's doing it because he's on TV now. Roger said he just couldn't stand dealing with the long hair anymore. He said it's different when you're young.
Howard talked to Roger about hanging out with Jimi Hendrix years ago and how they used to do drugs together. Roger didn't want to talk about that stuff for some reason. Howard brought up Paul McCartney and how he went to see his concert not too long ago. Roger thought the music sounded kind of like a swing band. Howard said that he liked it all but Roger was goofing on how it didn't even sound like rock and roll anymore. Roger said McCartney is a great singer but he just doesn't like what he's doing these days.
Howard and Roger talked about Robert Plant a little bit and did his impression of him. He also had Artie do his AC/DC impression for Roger, who wasn't a fan of their music. He said he likes the guys in the band, just not their music.
Howard asked Roger what was up with all of The Who's farewell concerts. Roger said they never said they were doing a final tour. They would just decide not to go on tour after doing it for a while. Howard told him they can't keep saying it's their final tour if they're going to keep coming back. Howard ended up talking about the Rolling Stones concert he saw not too long ago. He said they were still good even after all of these years.
Howard said that Roger stuck behind Pete Townshend when he was charged with child porn stuff. Howard said he bailed out on him when he heard about it. Roger told Howard what happened and how he believes that Pete wasn't looking for child porn, he just ran across it and told the police about it. Roger claims that the authorities lied about some stuff and said that he downloaded the child porn when he actually didn't. Howard and Robin said that this is why Pete has to stay on tour, otherwise he ends up doing these ''investigations.'' Roger told Howard that Pete isn't the most well thought out person when it comes to that stuff. He said he does know that he's not into child porn though.
Howard asked Roger if he thinks that David Bowie still rocks. Roger said that he does still rock and he's always rocked. He said he's always ahead of the ball in music. Howard gave Roger a plug for this History Channel show that he has coming up soon. He hosts a show where they reenact history. Howard asked him if they kill Jews or something like that. Roger told Howard that they don't do that but they do other reenactments.
Howard asked Roger about his marriage and if he's been able to remain faithful to her. Roger told Howard that his wife knew what she was getting when she married him so it wasn't a big deal. He also said that he doesn't know why people make sex such a major part of their relationship. Howard asked him if he ever went back to his wife and told her about banging a famous chick. He said he didn't say anything to anyone about stuff like that. Howard tried to get him to talk about some of the chicks he's banged but he wasn't talking. He said sometimes he and his wife may have talked about some of that stuff.
Big Black called in and said he loved him on the TV show ''Sliders'' and heard that he may have banged Kari Wuher. Roger said he wasn't saying anything about that and he wondered who his source was. A few other people said that they paid big bucks to see The Who's ''final tour'' but they still haven't had one. Howard said the Rolling Stones did the same thing and they're still on the road.
Chaunce Hayden (ChaunceHayden.com) called in and said he had some story about him having a tumor in his stomach for years. Roger wondered if Chaunce had been talking to his doctor or something. Roger said he kept it secret for a while. He said this thing used to pop up at night and he'd poke it trying to get rid of it. He eventually went to a doctor and had it removed.
Howard took some more phone calls and Mariann from Brooklyn called in to tell Roger that he's not so good looking since he said that Howard was ugly. Howard gave Roger a plug for his show ''Extreme History'' that airs this Sunday at 10:30pm on The History Channel. Roger thought it was a ten o'clock show but Howard said it's 10:30. Howard was trying to wrap up the interview but Artie brought up the death of John Entwhistle. They spent a short time talking about that before Howard took a break.
Bobo Tricked Into Thinking The World Was Ending. 01/02/13. 8:10am
Howard said his microphone is fucked up. He said that it's making noise. He said that's not annoying at all. Howard asked where that idiot Bobo is. Howard said he told him he's an idiot. Bobo was laughing. Howard said they shaved off his eyebrows last year and they're growing back funny. Bobo said he has more hair on his eyebrow than on his head.
Howard asked Bobo about the jacket he had on. He had Bobo and a Howard Stern patch sewed on. Howard said he's like a stalker in a way. Howard said he must want people to know who he is because he wears things with his name on them.
Howard asked Bobo about the world ending thing and what he thought when he came in there and they made it seem like it was going to end. Bobo said he loves the show and he didn't want to let the show down so he wasn't even going to come up there. He said Sal convinced him to go up there. He said his wife was upset that he was going to leave them alone at home after all of the stuff he did. Bobo said he felt bad about the whole thing but he did come up there.
Howard said that Bobo came in and Howard TV filmed him as they shook their floor to make him think the world was ending. Howard asked how they did that. Scott DePace said that they had an intern jump on the floor in Robin's booth. He said the floor is a floating floor and it shakes easily.
Howard said he told Bobo that the world wasn't going to end. Bobo said that he is done with this 2012 shit now. He said no more conspiracies anymore. He said he's done with all of that. Howard asked why he would believe this if he wasn't even into the Mayans. Bobo said he read books and watched TV shows about it. He said he skimmed through one book about it. He said he read the Cliff notes.
Howard said he has video of Bobo going crazy and freaking out when they fooled him in studio. Howard asked Bobo why he doesn't believe in Jesus instead of the Mayan god. Bobo said he does. Howard said he's fucked up. He said he should apologize to Jesus.
Howard tried playing a clip of Bobo in the studio on December 21st. It wasn't coming through on his board. Howard had to try something else. He had to pull the clip from somewhere else. Howard told Scott the Engineer not to bother coming in.
Howard played the clip where Bobo was doing a phony intro for a bit they came up with. Then they shook the floor and Bobo started freaking out. They told him to keep going. Bobo sounded like he was freaking out. The guys told Bobo to try again and they shook the floor again. He wasn't able to get his lines out. Sal told him to calm down. Then the lights go out and a message comes on saying that there are nuclear bombs heading to New York City from North Korea. Bobo said ''See, Bobo's not so stupid!'' Howard said he loves that line.
Howard played more of the clip and Sal said he wasn't able to get through to anyone on the phone. Bobo was freaking out and then another message came on saying that people should not move. Sal tried to get out of the studio but he pretended that the door was locked. Howard said Bobo must have been thinking about his family. Bobo said he was. Sal was screaming asking for someone to help. They eventually opened the door and Bobo ran out like he was running for the hills.
Howard asked where the rest of it was. It cut off when Bobo ran out. Sal came in and said that he had the studio from the studio but he didn't have the Howard TV audio. Howard said he's going to have to yell at Sal later. Howard said he saw that video and he didn't really think it through. He said he could have taken it so much further. Sal said he was really shook up after that. Howard said whenever he records something he should think about the angle. He said he should have audio from the hallway ready for him too. Sal said that Howard TV has it. Howard said he should go out on the street with Bobo and say that he's an idiot too.
Howard said Sal didn't plan an end so there really isn't one. Sal said there is more to it. Howard said the world didn't end but Sal's world is going to end. Sal said that he came in on a vacation day to do that. Howard said he should get no vacation days. He said he should be in there working on Saturday and Sunday.
Howard told Sal he's retarded and an idiot. Sal said Howard TV has the video. He said he had his part ready to go. Howard said he doesn't care whose part it is. Sal said he had his obligations done. Howard said he's a genius. Howard said he can't wait to see how he does when he leaves. Bobo said he thinks that his IQ just went up by 50 points. Howard said Sal goofed on him and he fell for it. Bobo said he can see how stupid Sal is for not getting that done though.
Howard said he called Gary about Sal not having an end game for the bit. He said he could have made it phenomenal. Gary said he talked to Sal about it this morning. He said he did a good job but he could have done a great job. Howard said this isn't like third grade trying to build someone up. He said this is a guy they pay. Gary said you can't kick him while he's down. Howard said he can call him an idiot. Gary said that's Howard's way and not his way.
Howard asked Jason if he thinks Sal is an idiot. Jason said that Sal didn't have a plan that morning. He said he was working that morning and they all hid in the office so Bobo wouldn't see them. He said he just gave up after that. They didn't have much of a plan.
Sal said he did have a plan. He said they had it all broken down. Sal said Bobo shit his pants and ran out of there. He said he executed the whole thing from top to bottom. Gary said he wrote the whole script. Howard asked Sal if he ever thought about what might happen and what else they could do. Sal said once he panicked they told him it was a joke. Howard said they could have had an agenda for him. He said they could have had him make a message for his family or something. Sal said they could have done more but they didn't.
Howard asked Sal what he learned from this. Sal said they should have come up with more. Howard said he should have had an end game. Sal said he knows what the end game is now. Howard said Sal should let the other shows get him. Sal said no one is asking. Howard sarcastically said he can't believe that. Howard said the bit was okay. Sal said some people thought it was great. Howard asked what he learned. Sal said that they captured his fear. He said that if they do another prank they'll get more. Howard asked Sal what he's going to do if they do it again. Sal said he's going to make sure they provide audio and outline the whole thing. Howard said that's not what he's looking for. Sal said he wants to get more audio and ask more about the family and things like that. Howard said this is radio so the audience can't see anything. He said Sal failed with this bit. He said he failed the team. Sal said he doesn't think so. Howard said he's telling him he did. Sal said he did his best. Howard said he's not learning and giving him confidence.
Howard told Sal what to say to him. He said that he should write this down. Howard said he should write down ''What is the end game?'' Howard said he has to scare Bobo but then what? He has to get him talking. Howard said he could ask him a question because he's Bobo. Howard asked Sal what he learned. Sal said that he's going to tell himself what he has to do. Howard said he has to do this stuff before the prank. Howard asked Robin if she thinks that he's getting it. Robin said she doesn't think so.
Sal told Howard that Howard TV has the rest of the audio. Howard said Sal didn't get that because he thinks that's not his job. Sal said that's not what he said. He said that he just got the audio and the other stuff wasn't available to him.
Howard asked Bobo if he gets it. Bobo told Sal what he thinks he should have done. He basically repeated what Howard just said about the end game.
Howard asked Robin to get him out of this. Robin said they have the Howard TV audio to play now. Howard asked if they had it. Scott asked for them to give him a second. Scott played the audio of Bobo and Sal running out of the studio and trying to get out of the building. Sal said they told them to stay in the building. Bobo was still freaking out and said he had matches with him to tell which way the wind is blowing. He was breathing heavy and saying his wife was right and he shouldn't have come there. Howard had the guys back it up a little bit so he could hear the audio again. Robin was talking over it so he had to hear it again.
Bobo was talking about how he wants to die there if he has to die anywhere. Sal said he has kids and he can't believe he's talking about dying there. Boob said he was hyper ventilating. He said those fucking sneaks in North Korea are lunatics. Bobo had to breathe into a paper bag. He said he had to pick his kid up at school. Howard said that was Bobo breathing into a bag. He said it's great on TV.
Howard asked if the bag helped. Bobo said it did. He said it has a calming effect. Bobo said nothing real was going to help him that day.
Howard said that's going to be on Howard TV and you can see all of that. He said Sal did a good job but not a great job with the bit.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he loves this bit and it has to be in the Best of 2013 next time they're on Christmas vacation.
Howard said that they have a sandwich board for Bobo to wear. It says ''I am a moron. I thought the world was going to end.'' Will said that Bobo agreed to wear his toupee on top of the dunce cap too. Howard said he has to do that. Bobo said he didn't know he had to do that. Bobo pulled off his toupee and it wasn't coming off easily. It was glued on. Robin said ''Oh my god! Wow!'' when he took it off. Howard laughed. Howard said his whole face is tan but the skin on his head is pink.
Howard had Bobo put on his dunce cap and put the toupee on top of that. Howard said the toupee is on top now. He said that way he doesn't feel totally bald. Howard asked what he's going to say to the people on the street. Bobo said he's going to tell them that he's an idiot and he thought the world was going to end.
Bobo asked if he has a prize for him because he wants to take his kid to Disney. Gary said they don't have any prizes right now. Howard said Bobo can play a game later in the year.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he doesn't deserve a prize for that. Howard had Bobo go down to the street while they waited. Howard said they have a microphone down there. Howard said maybe Sal wasn't that bad. He said the end was pretty funny. He said maybe he was a little hard on Sal.
Robin said they could have had Sal ask for a blow job from Bobo before the world ends. She said Bobo blowing into that bag was the best. She said it wasn't a great prank because you don't have to do anything elaborate to fool Bobo. Howard said all they did was turn the lights out and have an announcement saying that the world was ending.
Howard took a call from a CWB who said that the bit was pretty good. He said it was better than Gary the Retard going to the moon. Howard said Gary got scared during that one. Howard said with Bobo it was just the lights going out. Howard said in Sal's defense he doesn't think that anyone believed Bobo would fall for it.
Howard asked if they have the clip cued up from where Bobo started freaking out. Gary said they needed 2 seconds. Howard TV had the clip a couple of seconds later. Bobo was freaking out and saying that things were falling down. Nothing was falling down. Sal told him to just sit tight. They replayed the part where Bobo talked about dirty bombs and the matches he brought with him.
Howard said that was Bobo experiencing the end of the world. Gary said that hey need 15 seconds to get to Bobo down on the street. Howard said he's wearing a dunce cap and a sign saying he's dumb and that he believed the world was going to end. Bobo went to people on the street telling them how he thought the world was going to end. He was interviewing people asking if they thought the world was going to end too. A few people walked right by him. A couple of women said that they didn't think it was going to end.
Bobo said no one wanted to talk. Howard said it's a guy with a dunce cap on. Howard said he thinks he's had enough. Howard told the guys to just have him walk up and down the street and take the microphone away. Howard turned the microphone off. Howard said that was Bobo's end of the world. Howard said people were walking into traffic to get away from him. He said they should have him walk home like that. It should take him like 3 days.
Howard said that was the end of the world prank on Bobo. Robin said they fooled Sal that time with his announcement that he was leaving radio. Howard said they should replay that. He said they could do this bit with Bobo in two weeks and he'd fall for it again. He said this time they'll do it with an end game.
Tom Sizemore Visits. 04/17/13. 8:10am
After the break we heard a ''To Catch a Predator'' parody with Ronnie the Limo Driver as the predator. We also heard a Manly Tip from Richard Christy's Dad. Fred also played Boston's ''More Than a Feeling'' as they were coming back.
Howard came back and said that Tom Sizemore is there and the book he's promoting is called ''By Some Miracle I Made It Out of There: A Memoir.''
Howard said that Tom has been in some great movies and then he got involved in drugs and fucked everything up. Howard said it's good to see him. Tom came in and said he didn't just ruin his career. He said he destroyed it.
Tom said he's mad at Howard for being 59 and being so successful and rich. Howard asked Tom about why he went to prison. Tom said he went for being stupid. He said he had possession and revocation of probation. He said he's been sober for four years now though.
Tom told Howard that they found drugs in his garbage can and he was convicted on that. He said that he was doing drugs though. He said three of the wheels of the garbage can were off his property so they were able to use it for evidence. He said he went to jail for that. He said it probably was his but if it was on the street then it was nobody's. He said the one wheel was on his property so he was the one who was convicted.
Tom told Howard that the Heidi Fleiss thing was over turned. He said that he has a wonderful lawyer who called him about going to jail for something he didn't do. He said that was the Heidi thing. He said he hired a guy who worked for the CIA who was able to discern that the picture was moved in Photoshop. Tom said they told him that he could leave prison but he'd have to go in front of a judge the next day. Tom said he got to leave prison and he didn't choose to go back to prison to be vindicated in public. He said prison isn't any fun.
Howard asked Tom how much money he has left now and how much he spent. Tom said he has a couple of dollars. He said he won't tell him how much he has though. He said he's verging on doing okay financially.
Howard asked Tom if he likes Dr. Drew. Tom said he does. He said he went to Celebrity Rehab after calling Bob Forrest who used to be his drug dealer. He said that he had anything he needed back in the day. Howard said that must be weird to go back to your dealer when he's in rehab. Tom said that Bob used to steal their cars. He even stole his mother's car and went to jail for that. Tom said Bob has been sober since 1996. He said he was very close to him and Johnny Depp. Tom told a story about Bob getting sober and going to college and getting his license. He said that he's the best at what he does now. Tom said that Bob was the only one who thought something else was going on with Mindy McCreedy.
Howard said he was reading about how Robert De Niro went after him trying to get him to go to rehab. Howard said Tom hung from the banister from the second floor of a hotel room trying to hide from De Niro. Howard said that must make him feel like a true friend. Tom said he can't say enough nice things about De Niro. He said he could have been doing so many things other than tracking his ass down. Tom said he talks to his mother and he flew her in to help him out.
Howard asked if he's still in touch with De Niro. Tom said he's very busy but he did tell his son something about him recently. He said he could call him and get him on the phone. Howard said the fact that he cares so much is impressive. Howard said most people don't have time for nonsense. Tom said Hollywood is unlike any other place. He said he knows there are people who wouldn't help him out for any reason.
Tom said he went to Michael Mann's office one day to apologize to him for fucking up the TV show ''Robbery Homicide Division.'' He said that it was the Heidi thing that fucked all of that up. Tom said that it was her accusation that led to the show being canceled. He said that they tried to save the show but Michael Mann knew they couldn't do it.
Tom said he went to Michael's office after 3 years of trying to figure out how to reach out to him. Tom said he walked in and Michael asked him what he was doing there. He said it was the way he was smiling at him that felt like it was 8 or 9 years ago. Howard said Tom is a scary guy. He said he's intimidating. Tom said Howard is intimidating too. Howard said he's not like Tom is.
Tom said he remembers Howard being on WWWW in Detroit. He said he was in high school at the time. Tom said he remembers his mother telling him about this nut on WWWW.
Howard asked Tom if it's true that his mother is part black. Tom said he only dates black women. He said that's only part true.
Howard said Tom was fucking Elizabeth Hurley while she was dating Hugh Grant. Tom said that he was one of his heroes. He said he may not have pushed that if he knew that he existed. Tom said that was 1991. He said she was the most beautiful girl he's ever seen in his life. He said he looked at Wesley Snipes and told him he was going to go to jail for tax evasion some day. Howard asked if he stays in touch with him. Tom said he does. He said the feds are really tough on a guy like that. Tom said Wesley went to prison for 3 years even though he had the money to pay his taxes. He said he's the first one to go for that after bringing the money with him. He said his accountant is the one who was doing wrong. He said that actors are retarded.
Howard got back to Elizabeth Hurley. Howard said his book is fascinating. He said that Tom and Wesley argued over who was going to fuck her. Tom said he just told Wesley to leave her alone because he's black. Tom pulled out a cigarette so Howard asked him to please not smoke. Tom said he wasn't going to smoke. He sounded puzzled that Robin could see him pulling the cigarettes out too.
Howard asked Tom about fucking Elizabeth Hurley. Howard said he wrote this in his book. He said that he wrote that she danced on a coffee table for him. Tom said it was all very innocent. Howard asked Tom if he was misquoted in his book. Tom said it was all very innocent. Howard asked if he's being sued in this book. Tom said he's not. Howard said he wrote about Juliette Lewis in the book too. Tom said he's going to kill Howard. Howard said this is all in the book. Tom was making it sound like he didn't know about some of this stuff.
Howard asked if he still has a Heidi tattoo on his dick. Tom said he does not. Howard said he knows someone who blew him who says he does. Tom asked who that was. Howard didn't say.
Howard asked Tom if he's got anyone in his life. Tom said he's trying to get his life straight. Howard asked if he'd like to fuck Jenny McCarthy. Tom said he would not. He said she's white. Howard said he must know who she is. Tom said she's old like he is and he doesn't want to date anyone that old.
Howard asked Tom more about Elizabeth Hurley and what went on with her. Howard said she was fucking Tom while Hugh was fucking that prostitute. Tom said that he didn't want to drag them into this. Howard said he wrote about it in the book. Tom said he did but just briefly. Tom said he didn't out anything in the book. Howard said he did out Juliette Lewis. Howard said he wrote about her in the book. Tom told him to stop it. Tom said the book is about a lot of things and not just those few things.
Howard said Robert Downey Jr. introduced him to cocaine. Tom said he never said that. He said he was the one who is responsible for what goes into himself. He said no one forced him to do it. Tom said he did these things to himself.
Howard said Tom says that Juliette Lewis got him back into heroin. Tom said he didn't say that. He said all he said was that when he met her... then he said he didn't read the book. He said he was 87 days sober and he went to the set of Natural Born Killers and he was doing a scene where he was doing coke and drinking. He said he asked the prop master if he could get him the real thing. He said he had to clear it with the director so he put his own coke down and did it himself. Tom said he met Miss Lewis the next day. He said she was 19 years old at the time. He said she was very gifted and maybe the best 19 year old actress that ever lived. Howard said she had a killer body. Tom said she was like an idiot savant. Howard said Tom was 32 and she was 19 and they made love. Tom said he doesn't think that he's made love to anyone but himself.
Howard asked if he was in love with her. Tom said he doesn't think so. He said it was a set romance that spilled over a little bit. Tom said he met his future wife during that movie.
Howard asked Tom what he thinks his problems are. Tom said that his father walked out on them. He said they were like the Brady Bunch and he didn't know that his dad was so unhappy. Howard asked if he thinks that's why he did drugs. Tom said he has no one to blame other than himself. Tom said his dad left when he was 14. He said that he stayed in touch but he started another family. He said his mother was 32 years old and the most lovely woman. He said that it really hurt her. Tom said his father said that he wasn't leaving him, he was leaving his mom. He said he didn't know how he could leave his kids like that but he can see why he had to leave a woman he didn't love. He said his mother remarried eventually. He said his dad remarried and re-divorced too.
Howard asked Tom about going to Brad Pitt and saying that it was okay to fuck Juliette Lewis. Tom said that it was a metaphor and not a literal thing. Howard said he says that Juliette had porn playing in her house all the time. Tom said she liked the music. Howard asked if that freaked him out. Tom said that he was there for 4 months in one room. He said she didn't care that the house was huge. She just stayed in one room. He said she got sober right after that and she's been sober since like 1994 or 95.
Howard said Tom had Edie Falco in his book as someone he fucked. Tom lived with her for a while too. Howard said that Tom must be tough to live with. Tom said Howard is a tough interview.
Howard asked Tom if he can't stay faithful. Tom said no one is faithful. Howard said he is. He said that he has never cheated on his wife. He said he didn't cheat on his first wife either. Tom said that's unusual. He said he knows a lot of guys who aren't faithful. Tom said he didn't cheat on his wife. He said that marriage lasted 3 years and 3 months.
Howard asked Tom if his kids get along with him. Tom said he does. He said he's a natural as a dad. He said he missed the first 3 or 4 years of their lives because he was in prison. Tom said his manager told him he had to build a bridge back to his life. He said he had to do it but he said he couldn't do it. Tom said he kind of forced him to do it. He said he hadn't been around them sober for a long time. He said they were 6 at the time he saw them again. He said they knew him since he had seen them at other times.
Howard asked Tom if he's on good terms with the mother of his kids. Tom said he'd rather not talk about that. He said he doesn't want to talk about the mother of his kids. He said the kids came over and he wanted to do things with them. He said he wanted to play ball and all of that. Howard asked if he gets to visit the kids. Tom said they're in a precarious spot right now. He said he and the kids love each other very much. He said he can see them whenever he wants. Tom said he'd rather not get into that.
Tom said his kids are Jagger and Jayden. He said that one of his sons put his arms around his leg and said ''I knew you'd come home.'' He said that was one of the best moments in his life. He said that he didn't mean to have those kids because he didn't know the woman very well. He said this wasn't his wife. Tom said he wishes that she was his wife.
Howard asked if he thinks that drugs should be legalized. Tom said no. He said that they do nothing but destroy people's lives. He said Meth is the worst thing out there. He said it's made out of everything that can kill you. He said it has battery acid in it. Tom said he didn't now shit about the drug the first time he took it.
Howard asked Tom if he misses taking drugs. Tom said he's not over it and he has his moments. He said he likes waking up sober. He said it takes a long time to get that shit out of your system. He said the Meth is like shards of glass coming out of your skin. He said people will say it's the worst withdrawal.
Howard asked Tom who is better in bed, Elizabeth or Juliette. Tom said he doesn't want to talk about that. Howard asked who the best pussy is that he's had. Tom said he doesn't like talking like that. Howard asked who the greatest woman is in bed. Tom said Monique Allen. Howard said he wants a real name. Howard said Juliette must be the wildest. Tom said Monique is the wildest. He said she's just a civilian though. Howard said they'll find out more about her.
Howard said Tom doesn't like Marc Anthony and he had to work with him on ''Bringing Out The Dead.'' Tom said that the guy thinks that he's Frank Sinatra and he's not. Tom said the guy is 5'7'' and 109 pounds and he's ugly. He said he's a half assed singer too. He said he doesn't have a nice thing to say about him at all. Tom said he did a scene with him and he was a non-talented asshole. Tom told him to bring his posse to his apartment and they'll fight it out. Tom said he told the little twerp what he thought of him on the set. He said it was one of the worst times he's ever had on the set of a movie. He said he had to apologize to Martin Scorsese. He said he got into a fight with the guy and he should have just let it go. Howard asked when that was. Tom said it was in 1999.
Howard asked Tom about how he left it with Marc Anthony after that. Tom said the guy is a bad singer and a bad actor. He said he just had to beat him with a baseball bat at the end of the movie. He said that was the greatest part of the whole thing.
Howard said Tom is such a terrifying type of individual. Tom said he's going to walk off this show if he keeps saying that.
Howard said that Tom auditioned for Reservoir Dogs 8 times. He didn't get the part. Howard said that has to be the worst for a drug addict. Tom said that you just have to do what you have to do. Tom said he loves acting and he would never want to do anything else. Tom said that it's not easy and it hasn't gotten any easier. He said he's done things well and he's made some fans.
Howard said Robert Downey Jr. has turned things around. He said if he can do that then Tom can. Tom said he's the greatest actor of his generation.
Howard asked if Juliette Lewis gives head. Tom changed the subject. Howard asked Tom about thinking about turning Jewish. Tom said he was dating a Jewish woman and he went to Hebrew school for a few months. He said he was taught how to cant. He said that he came from Detroit and he didn't know much about New York. He said that New York is full of so many different ethnicities.
Howard told Tom that he's Jewish but he doesn't practice it. Tom said what he likes about the Jews is that they stick together. Howard said that's not really true. Howard said he was on his own.
Howard asked about getting into a fight with Lawrence Fishburn for using the N-word. Tom said he actually calmed him down. Howard said he used the N-word though, right. Tom said he said ''nigga'' and not with the ''er.'' Tom said Fishburn calmed him down. He said he just said he was sorry and Fishburn told him to get in a cab and go home.
Howard said Tom's father told him that acting is sissy work. Tom said that he didn't really say that. He said his dad said that he had to be shitting him thinking that he'd be on TV some day. Howard said being vicious like that isn't cool. He said that he was jealous of his son. Tom said that was his father. Howard said a father can be jealous of his son. Tom said he would like to talk his kids out of being actors. He said he'd rather have them be doctors or lawyers.
Howard asked Tom if he knew Mindy McCreedy. Tom said he didn't know her very well. He said he got to know Carrie Ann. He said that she got sober and had a baby. He said that the people you think won't get sober actually do get sober. Tom said that Dr. Drew gives you the 12 steps and that's that. He said that you do the foot work and work the steps.
Howard asked Tom if they're going to see him in any movies. Tom said Howard is an asshole. He said he keeps cutting him off. Howard said he has to get something going. Tom said he did Hawaii 5-0 last year. He said he had fun with that.
Howard gave Tom a plug for his book ''By Some Miracle I Made It Out of There: A Memoir'' and then took some calls. The first caller said he loves Tom. He said he was great in Heat. Tom said that was probably the best movie he's been in. The caller also said ''fuck that Marc Anthony guy.'' Tom seemed to like that.
Howard asked Tom about his parents visiting him in prison. Tom said he didn't want them doing that. Howard asked who did. Tom said Monique Allen did.
Howard told Tom to read his book. He said he says a lot of shit in there. Howard said he packed it full of revelations. Tom said it's not just about addiction. He said there is a lot in there. Tom said he lived in Detroit and a bad area there when he was a kid. Tom told Howard about how bad it was. Tom said that it didn't seem like there was anywhere to go other than GM or join a gang.
Howard said he could talk to Tom all day but he has to take a break. Tom said he had a dream to be an actor and that's what the book is about. He said he did this thing and achieved it and then he fucked it all up with drugs. Tom said he came to his senses. He said he wants a second shot and he thinks he's getting some of that. Howard said he has to audition now. He said there was a time when he didn't. Tom said he did this all to himself so he's not blaming anyone else for it. Howard said JJ Abrams listens to the show so maybe he can help him get in the new Star Wars or something. Howard said that he'll go talk to JJ about that. Tom told Howard to tell him he wants to be in it. Howard said he's going to do that for him. Tom said he would make Howard very proud if he did it. Howard told JJ to listen to this and give him a shot.
Howard took a call from Marc Anthony (Sal in the back office) who was doing a lame accent. Howard hung up on him a few seconds after picking up.
Tom said that he would appreciate Howard talking to JJ about the Star Wars thing. Howard said he will do that. Howard gave Tom some more plugs and mentioned that he died at one point and this woman saved him. Tom told Howard to stop giving away the stuff in the book. He said that people have to read it. Howard talked to him a little more about that woman who saved him. Howard asked if he's getting laid. Tom said he has his kids and he doesn't have time for that other bullshit. Howard said that's the right answer. Tom said he tried a couple of years ago but his manager told him he didn't have the time or money to be messing around with that stuff.
Howard said he loves Tom for coming in. Tom said he thinks that Howard is the most talented guy he's ever known. He said he's a national institution and he likes being on his show. Howard said he hopes the book is a great success but no one reads it. He said you should buy the book but not read any of it. Tom said that would be perfect. Tom told Robin she looks wonderful. Robin said he does too. They wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Robin's News. 07/22/08. 10:05am
Fred played a song parody for Robin that Howard had never heard before. It was ''Robin Please Let Me Use My Tongue.'' Howard had Robin start her news after that. Robin started off with a story where she asked how you tell a loved one that they're overweight. Howard gave his thoughts on that and then Robin said that he never confronted her about being overweight. Howard said that he was afraid to say anything to her. He said that he should have gone to her and asked what was going on. He said he misses out on a lot of those moments in his life to be closer to someone.
Robin said that Fred was the one guy who did say something to her and he was very mean about it. She said that Howard and Fred were fighting about something and when she chimed in Fred told her that she just gets fatter and fatter every year. Artie said he remembered that and it was like Robin shoved Fred and he shot her with a bazooka.
Artie said that he thinks that Bob Levy during the World's Meanest Listener contest going off on her being fat. He told her she looked like Warren Sapp the football player.
The guys spent a few minutes talking about how they could have spoken to Robin about her weight. Howard said that a friend doesn't just tell them that they're a fatso and walk away. They should sit down and talk to them about their weight. Artie said that a real friend wouldn't play song parodies and make fun of them every day about how much they're eating. He was being sarcastic and making fun of the way Howard goofs on him all the time.
Robin read the article that she had about this subject and said that they say that you should never do it in front of an audience, just like Fred did. Fred said that he didn't get the memo on that.
In the next clip Robin talked about who should be saved in a pandemic. Here's my rundown from that day:
Robin's News. 05/05/08. 10:00am
Howard had Robin start her news after they played a new theme song for her. She started off with a story about Barbara Walters' new book. That led to the guys spending a few minutes talking about Barbara and how she had slept with a black man at one point in her life. Howard thought it was a big deal but Robin didn't think it was that big of a deal.
Robin read another story about who should be allowed to live in a pandemic. Howard ran down his list of people he thinks should be allowed to die. He said that all of the people who have the oil should be allowed to die. The people without the oil should be allowed to live. They went through some of the people there at the station and said that they'd probably have to let the good looking guys die. That way the ugly guys would have a chance with the hot chicks that were left alive.
Robin went through the story about the pandemic thing and who will not get a vaccine or treatment for the illness. It would include people over 85, severely burned patients over 60, those with chronic diseases and a few other groups. All of them will basically be left to die.
In the next clip Robin read a story about a former Miss USA who got into porn. Here's my rundown from a ''And That's What's Happening'' special replay in 2011:
ATWH: Amy Fisher Porn. 10/06/11. 8:05am
Next up on ''And That's What's Happening'' they played a clip where Robin was reading about the Miss USA and Miss America pageants. Robin said they're all about the girls looking good in bathing suits. Robin said a former Miss USA pageant winner has become a porn star. Howard said he saw that Amy Fisher is doing porn too. Robin said they should get this woman in there. Howard said he's okay with that.
Gary came in and said that she actually does want to do the show. Gary said Amy Fisher is another story. He said that her husband doesn't want to talk about anything in the past. He said the guy was trying to convince him that there's a whole new audience for her now. Gary said he heard that her new movie might be even creepier than her first. Howard told Fred to play some clips from her first porn with her husband.
Howard and the guys talked about how she had kind of faded away after getting out of jail. Now she's coming out and doing porn. Howard said he's not sure who is buying Amy Fisher porn. Gary said it's apparently a young generation who knows her as a porn star. Fred found the clips from her first porno and played those. Howard said he was going to throw up hearing her husband talking to her the way he was.
Howard said the problem is the husband. He ruins it. Howard said the guy is talking about wanting to examine her pussy and he sounds like Elmer Fudd. Howard said it kind of turns him on when Amy is saying ''fuck me'' and things like that. Then the husband says ''clit'' and it ruins it. Howard did his impression of the husband, Lou, and did it as Elmer Fudd. Howard threw in some Ted Kennedy in there too.
Robin read about the new Amy Fisher porn and how it will be girl on girl. Robin said the husband doesn't want her doing porn with other men. Robin mentioned Lou Bellera's name and Artie said that makes him embarrassed to be Italian.
Fred played more of the porn and there were some odd sounds in the background. Artie said just imagine that this is the second most embarrassing thing that you're kid has done. Howard said they have to get that guy Lou in there. He said forget about Amy, he has to ask Lou what's going on in his head sexually.
Howard had Fred play more of the Amy porn. She said she wanted a taste of her daddy's cum and Robin almost threw up. Howard said Robin almost tasted her daddy's cum. Robin said they never even got close to doing that. Artie was coming up with more lines for Lou to say and wondered what the fuck he's doing. Howard said whenever he tries to talk dirty to Beth she tells him to shut up. Now he sees why.
Howard said he wants more tape of the examination part. He did his Elmer Fudd again and goofed on what Lou was saying in the porno. Fred did his Fudd impression too and he had Artie cracking up.
In the next clip Robin read a story about Michael Irvan getting into trouble and being on probation. Howard said he claims he wasn't even at the guy's house but then they say there is a videotape showing he was there. Robin said that they say you can hear him clearly on the tape even though he says he wasn't there. Robin said they're not saying what is on the tape. Howard said he heard they had to dust the woman's areolas for fingerprints. Howard said these guys are football players and they do coke. He said if she had a story about them not doing coke then he'd be surprised. Howard said these guys can get any women they want. He said this is just stupidity. Howard said that there was a story about a Mets pitcher who got into trouble. He said he can't remember the details of that though.
In the next clip Robin read a story about a family who is suing a funeral home. Robin said the person died and the funeral home took the body to clean it up and prepare it. Robin said that this family sent their loved one to this funeral home and they put the body in a sealed casket. The funeral home people told the family not to open it. Robin said they opened the casket and their 78 year old aunt was in a body bag and not cleaned. Robin said she was also damp. Robin said she had blood on her face and her body was never cleaned. They asked why she was soggy and they had sprayed her with a chemical disinfectant to keep the smell down. Howard said that's pretty low. He said when he dies he doesn't want anyone touching his body. Howard said you never donate your body to science. He said they take the bodies and people would laugh at them. He said he heard stories about people making fun in medical school. Howard said the best thing you can do is have someone look at your body when you're dead. He said that's why Jews do things the way they do. He said they get you right into the ground.
Today's special was over around 10:25am.
Jon asked Richard if he thought Bobo would come there and sacrifice his family. Richard said he is a huge fan and he did think he'd come in. He said he seems pretty gullible so he'd fall for it.
Benjy asked if they were slightly scared of the end of the world. Sal said he would have been fine alone but he was with Bobo. Richard said it would have been great if it really did end and Sal was hugging Bobo.
Sal said they had Brian Phelan in the studio and they had him shaking the couch and had people dropping stuff from the ceiling in other parts of the building. He said they spent the day before rehearsing the whole thing.
Sal said the look on Bobo's face was great when the initial thing started. He said it just so great. He said it was priceless.
Jon said Bobo calls himself an Extreme Fan and it's hard to find a more passionate fan than Bobo. He said he wonders is Mariann would put Howard before her family. Jon said he doesn't think so. Richard and Sal didn't think so either. Richard said Bobo believed it was the last day on earth. Benjy said that you're never quite sure so he thinks Mariann would do it.
Sal said he could see Mariann doing it under certain circumstances. He said Bobo came to the studio and Howard wasn't even there. Sal said he was the only one there that day.
Jon said Sal is very spiritual and he wondered if he believes in that stuff. Sal said he doesn't. He said only God knows in his opinion. He said every time the world is supposed to end it never does. He said you'd think they'd realize that it's not really happening.
Richard said they went down to Times Square once and interviewed a guy who had quit his job because he thought the world was ending. He said he quit his job and really thought that it was the end of the world. Sal said he thinks people who believe in that are really miserable in life. He said they want it to end. He said he thinks it's a copy out.
Benjy asked if Sal believes that God can give people messages. Sal said in certain cases he does. Jon asked under what cases he does that. Sal said it's when you can tune into god and get the answers you need to make your life better. Jon asked what he means and how he communicates those answers. Sal said in some cases you might pray. He said you can look for those answers. Jon asked how you know he's answering. Sal said with him it just comes to him. He said you just speak to yourself. He said the thoughts manifest in your mind. He said it's in your own voice.
Jon said he knows some people believe and you see a sign. Sal said the obvious sign thing he doesn't believe. He said that some people see a dime that their grandmother left for them. He said having a check in the mail to pay off your mortgage is his sign. He said that he doesn't buy the generalized signs thing. He said if you believe in God and you are looking for answers you can tap into that and there's nothing wrong with that. Richard asked Sal if he has ever seen a sign from god. Sal said he never has.
Benjy asked Sal if he ever felt guilty watching porn and things. Sal said he never did. He figured it was just Christian guilt. He said he has two hands so why not go at it? He said God put the semen in his nuts and the two hands on his arms so why not go at it.
Jon Leiberman was in the studio and asked if it's okay to pick up a knife and stab someone if God gave you the hands and knife. Sal said that's wrong and you know it so that's not okay to do.
Jon asked Sal if he can justify anything since God gave it all to him. Sal said he believes in common sense. He said you can't kill someone or insult someone or steal. He said that you can't cheat on someone. He said that's all common sense. He said you should know that. Jon said Sal puts people down all the time. Sal said he does that for comedic purposes. Benjy asked if he ever feels he's doing wrong. Sal said he does. He said he was insulting Jason about his weight once. He said he told Jason he was just joking around. He said Jason told him to just be real and stick to his guns or don't do it at all. Sal said he felt bad and he also felt good. He said he had to decide to pick and choose when to do it.
Richard said that Sal thought that his grandmother was watching down on him. Sal said he did. He said that's why he doesn't like the Teresa Caputo readings. Jon asked how he blocks that out when he's doing things that he'd rather not have her see. Sal said he blocks it out. He said you have to. Sal said afterwards he'll think about it and think that they'll just talk about it when he gets there. Sal said she may pop into his head after doing it but he'll just think that he'll talk to her later. Sal said he's doing something in private so she shouldn't be watching.
Jon and Benjy were wondering if god gets her to watch something else when he's jerking off to piss porn. Sal said his point is that god doesn't focus on those parts of your life. He said he focuses on the more positive things like this show right now. He said they're making people laugh.
Richard asked if he believes in the devil. Sal said no. He said that the devil punishes bad people so how bad could he be? He said if you think about it he punishes good people and not bad people. He said if someone hurt his kids he'd want that person to be hurt. Jon asked if he punishes bad people then what does he think is so bad about the devil. Sal said he doesn't believe in hell or the devil. He said if you look at it though he's the gatekeeper of the pit of fire. He said he's almost like God's right hand man who takes care of the bad people.
Leiberman said he has done a lot of thinking about the structure. Sal said he thinks that the whole thing is ridiculous with the devil. He said he doesn't think the devil exists. He said you create your own devil. He said when you feel awful about something that's the devil.
Sal said that he thinks about these people who kill other people. He said he's not sure where it comes from. He said it must be some sort of mental issue. He said people who end up that way there must be some underlying thing. He said it's like when you torture a dog. He said these kids must be tortured like dogs but he's not even sure about that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he's confused with Sal's philosophy. He said he thinks the Devil goes after the bad people but he already has them. He said he tries to convert the good people to be bad. Sal said what he's saying is that the devil punishes the bad people. The caller said he's wrong. He said he tempts the good people to be bad. He said he doesn't punish the bad people. He said the punishment is being in hell when the rest of your loved ones are somewhere else. Richard said he thinks you should be strong and just shout at the devil.
Richard said Jon Hein thinks that masturbation is evil. Jon said he does not. He said that he's being punished by this whole conversation. He said it was time to take a break. They went to break a short time later.
Jon said one day Howard is going to stop doing this. He wondered how he's going to get along. Sal said forget Bobo, how are they going to get along? Leiberman said he thinks that Bobo will dedicate his life to something else. He said he thinks he could start a podcast about Howard's show and talk about that every day. He said he will take that energy and direct it somewhere else.
Benjy said he was shocked that Bobo sold the tickle chair. Leiberman said he needed the money and he rationalizes it by having so many other things from the show.
Shuli said he thinks that Bobo is on another level when it comes to the show. He said he doesn't think it will end well when Howard retires. He said his main goal before that prank was to keep his family alive and save from the apocalypse. He said he left them and came to record a special for the show. Leiberman said there was a lot of tension at home over that. Jon said that's what he heard too. Benjy said in the last week of the show they should have a bunch of assisted suicides.
Sal said that Bobo had a police scanner and he was worried about the end of the world. He said if it's the end of the world then who are you going to scan? Leiberman said that is Bobo 100 percent. Sal said he thinks the problem the fans have with him is that he loves every single thing about the show. He said he never talks about the things he doesn't like. He said that's a little odd. Shuli said that's an ass kisser. Sal agreed. Jon said he's just not that type of guy.
Benjy had a friend who did it in front of him too around that age. He asked Richard if his friend ejaculated. Richard said he would. He said he had a spot on his carpet that he'd do it on every time. Shuli asked if there were parents in this person's life. Richard said they didn't care.
Jon asked Sal where he's done it. Sal said that he did it in a tanning bed. Jon said there has to be other places. Sal said he's done it while driving. He said it's dangerous doing that. He said he was taking care of business and you don't think about the aftermath. He said he had it on his hand and there was nothing to clean up with. He said he picked up half his shirt to wipe it off. Then it made little tapioca balls all over his steering wheel. He said it was horrible and disgusting. He asked people to not jerk off while driving. Jo asked why he did it in the car. Sal said he was turned on by a bartender.
Sal asked if it's strange to jerk off at your grandmother's house while you're there with your mom and aunt. He said it was in a bathroom though. Benjy said the strange part is letting them know what you're going to do. Sal said he didn't do that. He said he never did it in any strange places.
Jon asked Benjy. Benjy said he did it at K-Rock in front of Tom C. Benjy asked Richard if his friend kept jerking off in front of him. Richard said it was for a couple of years and then it stopped. He said one time they were at his mom's house and he was taking a bath and the door burst open and he ejaculated into the toilet next to where he was bathing. He said he threatened to do it into the bath water and he said he'd beat the shit out of him. He said he did it into the toilet instead.
Jon said he has no idea how they got to this point. He said he's going to take a break and talk more about this.
Sal said he stopped doing it around that time. He said even when he took a dump he'd leave the door open so he wouldn't think he was jerking off.
Jon asked Richard about taking baths at other people's houses. Richard said he would stay at that guy's house and he'd take a bath there. Benjy asked if he took them with the other kid. Richard said they did. They would fart in the tub and bite the bubbles. Richard said they used to have a contest to see who could bite each other's fart bubbles. He said they were 10 or 11 around that time. He said it went until junior high. He said they're still close friends.
Benjy said he never did that but there's nothing wrong with that. He asked if that was a typical thing that they would do. Richard said that it was just with that one kid. He said his family was into taking baths. Jon asked if he did anything that he thought was crazy. Richard said he thinks that guy is the guy who is his biggest comedic influence. Sal said this is the guy who leaves voice mails. Richard said he is and he still leaves crazy voice mails.
Jon said when Richard was growing up it might have been more easily accepted. Shuli said he thinks it's where he lived. He said everyone kind of knew each other. They lived in a small town. Sal said it was more like family. Shuli said it should be if you're taking a bath together.
Jon asked if the kid ever started jerking off while they were in the tub together. Richard said he never did. He said he thinks he would have stopped him if he did.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Jon is a brilliant broadcaster. He said he doesn't judge or degrade them for this stuff. He said they say the wackiest shit and he keeps it going. He said it always turns into Richard taking baths. He said he's having a half hour conversation with maniacs. He said he just wanted to compliment Jon on that.
Jon said if you worked with them every day it's a pleasure hearing these stories. He said you add those up and that's what you get on the radio. He said he's just letting them say what they want to say.
Sal asked if he needs help. He said he doesn't think this is all that crazy. Sal said he's sure that people have done this and just don't talk about it. He said they probably won't admit it. Richard said he did it once and he rubbed through his pants so the mess didn't get on his steering wheel. He said it was still dangerous though.
Shuli said it's not that maniacal. He said it is dangerous to jerk off in your car though. Jon said these guys just come out and say it.
Jon said the strangest place he ever did it was in a 300ZX. He said he's going to leave it at that. Jon asked Shuli what he had coming up in today's Howard 100 news. Shuli ran down a few stories they had coming up. Jon ended the show a short time later. They were done around 11:20am.
No FCC Fines For Fingering Segment? 02/06/07. 6:00am
Howard started off the show talking about how people are always asking him if the two satellite radio companies are getting together. He tells them he doesn't know because he really doesn't want to know what kind of business deals are going on behind the scenes there.
Howard said Gary played him some audio of one of the urban stations in New York City and one of the guys gets pretty graphic on the station. He thinks that because they're an urban station, the FCC doesn't bother them. He said they have a guest on the show by the name of The Game who talks about fingering Vita Guerra and gets very graphic. Artie said he calls it her ''onion.''
Howard played the audio clip where the guy is talking about the fingering thing. Howard said he knows he'd get fined if he talked about that when he was on terrestrial radio. He said it was a good interview, but they seem to be getting away with stuff that he never could. Howard said he wasn't really following the story very well and said he needs an interpreter to follow along. Artie was able to understand that the guy had gone to a party. That was about it.
Howard continued to play the tape and we hear him talking about fingering the chick. He said he finger-banged her while they were at this party. He was talking about using the ''two finger split'' and then putting in the third finger on that little ball. Then he went in the back with his other hand and she started to wiggle around. He said he sniffed his fingers both times and it was fresh each time. He said he never smashed it but he did finger bang it.
Howard said he feels bad for that chick. Robin said that Tom (Chiusano) would have ripped them off the air if they had a conversation like that back at K-Rock. Robin said they could report them to the FCC if they wanted. Howard said he's not into that but there were times in the past when they could have done that. He said he had people taping his show 24/7 when he was on terrestrial radio just so they could turn him in.
Artie asked if they had a picture of that chick because he'd like to see her. Howard said she's not that hot and she's known for having one of those huge asses like J-Lo. He doesn't find that hot at all. He likes to see an ass that's in proportion. Artie said he likes some meat on a chick's ass himself. Howard said he knows what that guy was talking about when he was saying he puts his finger on the little ball. He joked that he thought it was the uvula.
Their First Sex Experiences. 02/06/07. 6:10am
Artie talked about how great it was the first time he had a part of his body inside a woman's vagina. That led to Howard talking about how great that feeling is too. He was talking about the first time he got anything off a girl and how that was when he was 16 and almost 17 years old. He said he got his first finger in there the same time he got his first lay. When he was 14 or so, he had a friend's brother come over to him and let him smell his finger after he had fingered a chick. He said he really didn't smell anything at the time but it was still cool to think that they had. Artie said they were probably smelling the inside of his baseball mitt.
Howard took a call from a woman who told him that ''a monkey'' is slang for pussy so in that tape they were listening to, that's what they were referring to. The woman was Australian so the guys found it kind of funny that she knew what it meant while they didn't.
Artie said he knows guys who started fucking at the age of 14 and he didn't get anything until he was about 17. He was really bad with the girls so it took him a while. Howard said he was so afraid he was never going to get a chick. Artie was the same way. Howard has never gone to a whore though. Artie said he didn't do that until he was about 24 but he did do something at a bachelor party when he was 18.
Artie said his uncle set him up with a girl when he was about 11. He took this 12 year old girl out to an amusement park and when they got back, his uncle asked him if he had banged her. Artie could barely speak to her. Artie said he was only 11 years old and they were telling him that they were banging chicks when they were his age.
Howard said he knew a kid who was banging this really hot girl when he was like 15. He said he had her during one of those Super-Jew holidays ''Sukos.'' He'd take her into this Suki thing that was in their back yard and doing her in there. Howard said the kid must have been about 15 and he was way ahead of anyone he knew. He said that made him go into a frenzy to try and get laid. He and his friend Lew were trying to get laid and it was like a competition. Howard got bummed out after he found out that Lew had gotten laid one night. Howard and Lew went to get some rubbers one night and his friend Lew wasn't afraid to ask for some Trojans. Howard said he still doesn't like doing that so he has his assistant Laura buy them for him.
Artie said that he graduated high school when he was still 17 and he didn't get laid until 8 days before his 18th birthday. Artie said if you don't get any chicks until later in life, you feel you have to lie to future girlfriends. Howard said the girl who took his virginity told him she didn't want to be stuck in his head for the rest of his life and didn't want to take the virginity. Howard said that was great and then he got another chick. It was great that it was just over. He said it wasn't great sex.
Artie said he got laid in the back of his 74 Matador. it was very awkward but he got it done. He told another story about another comedian who picked up a chick at a comedy show. He said the guy wanted to do this chick. He said he didn't want to stick around after she was so drunk that she threw up. Artie said the guy swears he didn't fuck her but he's pretty sure he did.
Gary came in and told a story about how quick he finished the first time he had sex. He said he had no idea how fast it was going to happen at the time. Howard took a call from Hook Nose Mike who asked Howard for more details about that first experience. Howard said he had no idea what he was doing and that's why he wished that there were sex movies he could have watched. Mike also asked Robin when she lost her virginity. Robin said she was 19. That led to them asking when she had anal for the first time. She said it was probably when she was about 26... and 27 when she had it last.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he had to walk through like 4 feet of snow to get laid for the first time. He said they even had to go out of town to get rubbers.
Howard Passes On Inside The Actors Studio. 02/06/07. 6:30am
Howard took a call from a guy who said he was listening to the Inside the Porn Actors Studio show last night. He said it was very funny to hear Richard asking questions with the porn star who was on. Howard said that chick was Hillary Scott. He also said he's been asked to do Inside the Actors Studio so he's thinking that he might want to do it. Howard said he thought it was an honor to be asked to do it but his agent doesn't like the show. His agent gets bored with it and he turned down the offer for him. Howard said he still thinks it's an honor to be asked to do the show. Howard said he's met James Lipton and he's actually a nice guy. He wouldn't go out to get a beer with but he does seem nice.
Howard said he's still surprised that the finger banging clip didn't get more notice. Gary said the show airs on Sunday night from 7 to midnight so maybe it was considered in safe harbor. He said that when Adam Carolla had his sex show, they got away with stuff because they ran their show after 10pm. He said the FCC is under some grand illusion that kids don't listen at that time of night. He pointed out that kids can get a lot more crap on the internet than they can on radio. JD came in and said that show is actually on during the week, not on Sunday night.
Howard and Artie talked about some of the other girls they've been with in their sex lives. That led to Howard saying that Richard Christy has been with a black chick. Richard said that chick actually puked all over him when he finished in her mouth. He said he exploded in her mouth right away and she puked on him.
Howard said he had some audio of Ali G on Inside the Actors Studio. He played some clips from that show where Ali G asked James Lipton some questions. It turns out it was Ali G interviewing James Lipton which isn't what Howard expected after reading it on his computer. He thought Ali G was on Inside the Actors Studio. It was a funny interview though.
Gary Falling Asleep Parodies, Interviews And Discussions. 06/21/10. 6:35am
Howard said Sal and Richard were up working on some stuff about Gary after they found out he fell asleep on the job. Howard said Gary had eaten like 7 black and white cookies. That led to Sal and Richard writing song parodies for him. Howard said they had alarm clocks for Gary and a lullaby for him. Howard said they went out on the street asking people how they felt about it and people were saying he's a jerk and he should be fired.
Little Mikey wrote a song parody about Gary's sleeping too. Howard played some of that and then some more of Sal and Richard's interviews about Gary falling asleep. There were many people who thought that Gary should have been fired. Howard said that Gary continues to be mad at Scott DePace over this. Howard said there are people who think that he should be the one to blame. Howard said he takes some of the responsibility for that. He said that he is the one who played it on the air.
Gary said his point is that it never should have gotten to Howard. Howard said he's right about that. He said that Doug and Scott came to him and told him about it and he had to play it. Howard said Gary is right about Scott though. He never admits he's wrong. He said he started blaming Jon Hein during the Wrap Up Show.
Scott came in and Howard told him he's kind of a creep. He played a Wrap Up Show clip where Scott was telling Gary that Jon and Will came back and didn't tell him not to play it for Howard.
Howard asked Scotty why he's like that. Scott said he was just pointing out what he saw. Howard said it's really his own fault for playing it. He said that he immediately accepted the tape when Scott and Doug brought it to him. Scott said this was Doug's idea in the first place. He said Doug was the one who put the tape in and recorded it. Howard said that he took responsibility for this and that's what Scott should be doing.
Howard told Scott to stop blaming other people and throwing them under the bus. He said he should just accept responsibility. Howard said he's not sure why Gary is so bummed about some of the stuff Scott was swaying. Gary said Scott was saying that he wouldn't have done it if he knew he was going to take all of the blame.
Gary said the more time he spends with Scott the less excuses he's finding for why he is the way he is. Scott said that he did betray Gary but he had plenty of times when he defended Jason when he was saying stuff about him. Gary said Scott can't be trusted. He's a lying cheat and he can't be trusted. Scott said that they've done hidden camera stuff before. Gary said he can't trust Scott and that's the end of it.
Howard told Scott that his problem is that he says ''but'' when he's accepting responsibility. Scott said that this was Doug's fault too. Doug got on the mic and told him to just accept responsibility. Gary came into the studio and said that Scott lacks any integrity. He said they sat down and had a conversation when they first started taping there. He said they talked about never using any tape from his isolated camera for any reason. Scott said it was Doug's idea.
Scott said he's sorry but Gary said he doesn't believe it and he doesn't care anymore. He said Scott is inhuman and he doesn't mean it.
Scott said that Gary should stop bringing this up if he's over it. Gary said that he didn't bring it up. Brian Phelan brought i up when he asked if they should turn the camera on. Gary said that Scott keeps saying ''but'' when he's apologizing. Scott said he said he betrayed Gary and he's not sure what else he's supposed to say.
Scott said he did betray Gary. Then he said that Doug also betrayed him. He threw Will Murray and Jon Hein into that mix too. He said they all saw the tape and they didn't try to stop him. Gary said that Scott is all about himself and it's that way in his own life and at work. Scott said he doesn't know anything about his personal life.
Gary said that Scott is selfish and he's sure that he's not the only one who has said that to him. Howard took a call from a guy who asked why Gary is mad at Scott when Gary is the one who fell asleep. Gary said he called Howard and apologized for falling asleep at work. That's not something that happens to him at work. Gary said he felt really bad about it. He didn't try to blame anyone else for it when he spoke to Howard. He told Scott that's how you take blame.
Scott said he apologized to Gary off the air. Gary said he did but then he went on the Wrap Up Show and gave all of those excuses.
Scott said this is bullshit. He said he left work early the week before and it was all approved by Doug but they thew him under the bus anyway. Gary said that they weren't trying to throw him under the bus. Gary said he didn't go and tell Howard or anything when he found out he left a day early for vacation. Gary said he threw him under the bus after Scott pulled out that tape of him. He said Scott is dumb.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Gary has ever fallen asleep during a Mets game. Howard said Gary hasn't fallen asleep before. He said this was just a one time thing. The caller said that Gary was probably asleep the day he was up there for his tour. He said he signed his name on a ball for him and he left out the R in Gary so it reads ''Baba Booey, Gay Dell'Abate.''
Howard said that Scott isn't coming off well in this. Gary said he doesn't come across well whenever he gets on a mic.
Howard took another call from a guy who said Gary was being a baby bitch about this. Gary said he's embarrassed by this and it was a trust thing. He said Scott fucked him. He said it's like he bent him over the desk, pulled his pants down and fucked him. Scott said that other people have done that to him too. Howard told Scott he has to stop throwing other people into this thing. He said that Scott isn't taking full responsibility and he's throwing everyone else under the bus.
Robin said that Scott was the one who sat with Gary and told him he wouldn't do this and he still isn't taking responsibility. Howard said this is like a guy gang raping a woman and the guy goes into court and tells the judge that everyone else did it too. He said he has to take some of that responsibility. Scott said he is.
Doug was telling Scott what he did and how he apologized to Gary. He said he could do the same thing and just get over it. Gary said he likes how he's trying to drag Jon Hein into all of this. Doug said that Jon is such a good friends but he didn't do anything to stop it. Howard said that he shouldn't be trying to ruin his relationship with Gary. Scott said he's not trying to do that. Howard said he's really a weasel. Scott said he knows that he's going to get email about him being a scumbag but that's the opposite of what he reads on SternFanNetwork.
Fred said that Gary did them a favor by letting them put that camera on him all the time. Scott said Gary was doing Howard TV a favor, not a personal favor.
Irish John called in and said they should put a shock collar on Gary and have the Howard TV guys keep him awake. John said that anyone could have walked by his office and caught him sleeping. Gary said they could have but they didn't. He said that this is all about Scott's promise to him to not use any tape. He said that's what this is about, not about the sleeping part.
Howard told Scott that he should just take responsibility and stop blaming other people. Howard told Scott he should have told Doug he made that promise to Gary. Scott said maybe he did. Howard said that he has to stop blaming everyone else and take responsibility. Howard said Scott is guilty and he has to stop bringing up Jon Hein and the other guys. He said it's up to them to deal with Gary.
Howard asked Gary if he feels any better for Scott. Gary said that Scott did apologize but then screwed him. He said they'll figure it out eventually. Howard had to go to break after that.
Queen For A Day. 9/30/97. 7:50am
1997 must be the year of the games on the Stern show. Today they played ''Queen For a Day''. This is where 3 or 4 people call in with their sob stories and the one with the saddest story wins a prize. The prize today was round trip tickets to San Francisco courtesy of Tower Air. Here are the contestants and their stories:
Flavor Flav Visits. 02/02/09. 8:20am
After the break Howard came right back since Flavor Flav was there. Howard said that Gary was in there but he was going to hold off talking to him until he was done with Flavor. Howard said that he feels responsible for Flavor's career. Howard said that he used to have Flavor on the show all the time back in the day when he was down on his luck. No one was paying attention to him back then and he was scalping tickets. Howard said that Mark Cronin heard Flavor on the show and put him on The Surreal Life and made him a big star again.
Flavor Flav came in and made a bunch of noise with his giant clock and all of the stuff he was wearing. Flavor asked Robin if she was running for President behind that bullet proof glass.
Howard said that Flavor had a tough time after Public Enemy went away. Howard said that Cronin got him on The Surreal Life and then on ''Strange Love'' with Brigitte Nielsen.
Howard asked Flavor if he ever thought they'd see a black president. Flavor said that some day there will be a Jewish President too. Howard asked Flavor if he considers Obama as black. Flavor said that he has always been proud of being black himself. He said that he does consider Obama as being black too. Flavor said that he's going to run for President next.
Howard asked Flavor about the show he did with Brigitte Nielsen and if that was real. Flavor said that he doesn't see color and he had a great friendship and relationship with her. He said that they both broke it off when they broke up. Howard asked if the pussy was good. Flavor said that he stays away from talking about that. Howard asked if he went down on her. He said that he was already down on her, he's only 5'8'' tall and she's like 6'2'' tall.
Howard said that every reality show that Flavor does turns to number 1 and he wondered if he got some good money for that. Flavor said he didn't see the money right away but he did make some money. He said he wasn't rolling in dough but he did alright.
Howard said that Flavor is great at mixing it up and he makes people want to watch him. Howard asked Flavor how old he was when he first banged a broad. Flavor said that he was just 6 years old. Howard asked him how old the girl was. Flavor said that she was 6 years old too. They were just ''experimenting.'' Flavor said that it was just natural instincts. He said that he did get hard and he was able to penetrate but he didn't complete his mission with her. He said that he did get a boner no problem though.
Howard said that Flavor has 7 kids now and he wants to have 3 more. Flavor said that he's trying to add more kids but he doesn't live with them all. Flavor said that his three oldest live out on Long Island. Flavor said that his middle three are up in Albany. He mentioned that one of his kids was named Designa so they spent a minute talking about that unusual name. He also mentioned another one by the name of Karma who lives with him out in Vegas.
Flavor said that he thinks that he's a good father and he thinks that there are other people just like him out there. He said that he really enjoys this youngest kid because he takes his clock and runs around the house wearing that.
Howard asked Flavor why he doesn't wear a calendar instead of a clock. Flavor said that a calendar would be for a woman, not for him. He said he started wearing the clock back in the day when stop watches were the fad. He said that his buddy took his stop watch off and stuck the kitchen clock on him.
Flavor said that he puts his clock at 6 o'clock and that's because he's being straight up. Flavor was all over the place and mentioned that he was in Howard's movie and it was only the 5th movie he was ever in. He said that he smacked Howard on the ass with a broom in the movie.
Howard said that Flavor was there to promote this movie ''Nite Tales'' that's going to be on out DVD tomorrow. Howard then asked him about leaving his reality show and if he did that because of his girlfriend. Flavor said he realized what he had at home which was real love. He said that the TV show was getting repetitious too and people thought he wasn't able to find real love. He said that's just not him.
Howard asked Flavor about the roast they did for him. Flavor said that he didn't know what a roast was before they did his. He said he didn't know what to do with it but he figured he should have just done his own thing. That's why he wants a part 2 roast so he can get his revenge.
Howard asked Flavor if he was upset about the use of the N-word in his roast. Flavor said that he doesn't have a problem with the word and it's regular part of his vocabulary. He then threw it out there about 10 times and sang a Public Enemy song that had the word in it a bunch of times.
Howard asked Flavor if he knew that Duran Duran covered ''911's A Joke.'' Flavor said he did know that but he hadn't heard the album. Howard played him some of the song and asked Flavor to be honest about what he thought of that version of the song.
Flavor was talking about doing radio there and told Howard that he used to work with Lisa G. Howard told Flavor that he should have hooked up with Lisa. Flavor said that he thinks that Lisa is afraid of love from a man and she's been single for way too long. Howard said that's an interesting take on that. Howard said that she seems to be hot for Artie though.
Gary came in and said that Lisa was telling him a story about how she used to have to call the local jails to see if Flavor was locked up if he didn't show up to work on time. That led to Flavor talking about how he's the only one in radio history to do a show from his jail cell. He said he did that from Riker's Island and the guards would bring him the phone so he could do that.
Howard asked Flavor if he has a driver's license yet because he's been caught not having one like 48 times. Flavor said he had one back in the day but he hasn't renewed it so he has to take the test again. Flavor said that he got suspended and he'd go out driving anyway.
Flavor said that he doesn't want to go back to jail to serve anymore time but he would like to go back and tell the other prisoners how great it is on the outside. Flavor said that he did 2 and a half years at one time. He got caught doing burglaries and stuff back then. He said he was in a gang back then and he was into some bad stuff.
Howard asked what he was charged with. Flavor said it was a bunch of things. Flavor said he didn't feel guilt back then but he does now. He said that his friends were all doing it and that's who was telling him it was okay to do that stuff.
Howard read that Flavor was in school with Eddie Murphy. Flavor said he got thrown out of Roosevelt High School. Howard said that he must have been really bad if he got thrown out of that school. Howard asked if his parents had any control over him at all. Flavor said his parents were great but his friends would get him into trouble. He said his parents would beat his ass back then. He said that he wouldn't dare fight back either. They'd whip him with the extension cord when his pants were down. Flavor said that he'd eventually start laughing and he'd get beaten even more.
Howard asked Flavor if he ever went to the shrink. Flavor said he did go once. Howard asked Flavor if he ever thought about those beatings and how wrong they were. Flavor said he just thought that he should stop doing the stuff he was doing when he'd get those beatings. He said he didn't think that was abuse to him. Howard asked Flavor if he'd beat his kids. He said he would if he could but he knows he'll go to jail. Howard asked him if he would do it if it wasn't against the law. Flavor said that there are better wants to discipline kids these days. Flavor said that he learned from all of those beatings he took.
Howard said that Flavor seems to be uncomfortable with the discussion. He said that he took his anger out on all of the people he robbed. He should have taken it out on his parents instead. Flavor said that Howard is giving it a good try but he's not right.
Howard said he's happy that Flav is doing well now. Flavor said that he's having fun out on the West coast now. Howard asked him what the scariest moments were for him in jail. He said he took a beating from the guards one time. That was scary. He said that happened in the 6 building on Riker's Island. He tried to take it to court but he didn't win. Howard asked him why it's okay for his mother to beat him but not the guards. Flavor said that it's only his mother who can beat him.
Howard said he found it hard to believe that Flavor had never heard this version of ''911's A Joke'' from Duran Duran. He played some of it for him and asked Flavor what he thinks about it. Flavor said that he thought it was hot and he liked it.
Howard asked Flavor about this girl he's with now. Flavor said that he thinks that they may set a date to get married soon. He said they've been together for about 5 years now and he loves her. He said that he wants this thing to be big so that's why he's taking his time with her.
Howard asked Flavor when he's going to set the date. Flavor said that it should be in '09. He said he wants everyone to shoot it too and he wants every channel to cover it. He said he wants all of the radio stations, TV stations and all of that, just like the inauguration.
Howard asked Flavor if he heard Chris Rock giving him a beating in his act. Flavor said he heard that he was giving him a beating but he didn't understand why he was bashing him. He said that he was told that Chris loves him but he's not sure what he was saying about him. Howard said he heard it and it wasn't very nice. He said that he would stick up for him if he runs into Chris.
Howard asked Flav if he ever hears from his old gang members. Flav said that he doesn't hear form them. He said that was a long time ago and his gang is gone now. He didn't even want to talk about how he got out of the gang because he didn't want to start something that could get out of control.
Howard and Robin asked about the gang thing some more and tried to find out what he had to do to get out of it. Flav said that he got beaten up going into it and coming out. He said that he didn't feel bad when he had to beat someone else up because they didn't feel bad beating him up.
Howard said it sounds like Flav's life was pretty tough. Flav said that it's not so bad now that he has some money. He said that he'd have no problems if he had Howard's money. He asked Howard if he thinks that he would be good on the air. Howard said he would if he got real and became himself on a show. He said that would be one of the greatest radio performers of all time. Flav said that he knows how to do that. Howard said he'll ask Tim Sabean to talk to him about doing an hour of radio. He said he'd like to hear some stories about his life growing up.
Howard had Dominic Barbara on the phone. Dominic said that he represented Flav's wife in a family court thing. Flav asked where they dug this guy up. Dominic asked if he's still in his kid's lives. Flav said that he stays in touch and he has grand kids now. Howard and Robin asked him how old he is. Flav is turning 50 soon.
Howard took a call from a woman who asked Flav if he feels bad for beating up that puppy on the Surreal Life. Flav said that they made a bigger deal out of that than it was. He said he was just teaching the dog not to piss on the floor.
Howard told Flav that the abuse is coming from his parents having beat him. Flav said that he wasn't abused, he was being disciplined. He said there is a difference there. Howard kept telling Flav that he was abused but Flav refused to agree with him on that. He said his mother wasn't abusing him, she was just disciplining him.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that Howard should feel good sitting next to Flav because he's not as bad looking as Flav. The caller said that he did some time in jail and Flav was there and he was talking non-stop there, even in his sleep.
Howard asked Flav about this movie ''Nite Tales'' and found out that it's kind of like a Twilight Zone type of thing. Flav said that he plays the ''Rod Sterling'' of the movie. He said he starts the movie off and he ends it. Flav said that he's the narrator and the story teller in the movie. He said that it's going to be a series and they have some stuff for Howard that they want him to do. Howard said that he has to look at that stuff before he can commit.
Howard said that he did put Flav in all of his (one) movies. He said that he was very prompt showing up on time for him. Howard wrapped up with Flav, gave him some more plugs for the movie and went to break a short time later.
More Strange Sal And Richard Stories. 10/31/05. 7:45am
Howard came back from break and listened to a Crackhead Bob bit and a George Takei bit where they had Takei ''talking'' to Richard Christy about meeting Fred for the first time. The delay was hit at least one time while they were playing that bit. Howard went on to say that Takei is a really weird dude.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who said that he's been listening to some of the shows on Howard 100 and the Double A interview with Beth O was really boring. Howard said he knows that it was a train wreck of a show and that's what he thought it was going to be. He's just filling up some empty space on his channel until he moves over there. Howard mentioned that Double A been all over the Howard 100 News lately. He does have a beef with them over there though. He said that Ronnie has been bashing Sal over there and once they got a hold of Sal, he made the reporter feel bad and now they've cut out a bunch of the stuff that Ronnie has said about him. Ronnie came in and said that he went off on Sal when they interviewed him and the reporter said that she wasn't sure she could air it because she didn't know how much controversy it was going to cause.
Sal said that Ronnie thinks that he put Double A up to saying some nice stuff about him but that's not true. Howard said that the News department is causing problems already. Robin and Ronnie seem to think that he's been crying to them and screwing things up. Gary said that Sal and Richard went out to a gig in Chicago over the weekend and were up to some weird stuff. Richard is a huge fan of Halloween and loves to go to haunted houses and stuff. There was one guy advertising a haunted garage out there so that's where they went. It was at some guy's house out there. They had some pictures of it so Howard told the guys to get them up on HowardStern.com. Gary said that they went to this guy's house and it was horrible. Sal came up with an idea for Richard to pull down his pants so they could take a picture of him in front of it. The guy who created the haunted garage came out and asked them what the hell they're doing and Sal caught him as he was looking over at the guy who found them. Richard had to pull up his pants. Sal said that the guy's grandfather came walking up a short time later and asked them if they were scared.
*(This part featuring Bob Levy was edited out of the replay) Comedian Rev. Bob Levy called in and said that he saw Sal crying in front of Richard at a strip club. He was apparently telling Richard how great a friend he is and ended up bawling. Gary said that Sal had gotten drunk and got very emotional as he was sitting next to him. Sal said after his blow up on Friday he got very emotional. Howard asked him what's wrong with him. Sal said that he's messed up and didn't know why he got so emotional. Howard told Bob that he's been great in the News and said that Bob will be doing stuff with them and won't be left out in the cold. Bob told Howard he loves him and will be up at the studio to cry to him that he loves him. Sal and Richard continued to talk about their behavior out there in Chicago and it seems that the two of them get along better than Sal and his wife do.*
Sal and Richard said that they shared a room again this weekend because the comedy club doesn't pay for another one. Levy said that's not true and they always pay for rooms for each of them. Sal said that Craig Gass told him that they wouldn't pay for the extra room though. Sal was also saying that Richard will pull his junk out in front of him all the time for nor reason. Richard told Howard that he's got something going on around his private parts where it seems to be creating a ''Gock'' which is kind of like a ''gunt'' but it's on a guy. Howard told Richard that if he lets his hair grow out, it wouldn't be so noticeable. Richard said that he shaves down because he sometimes gets stuff in there that he doesn't want in there. Richard said he shaves down that area about once every 2 weeks or so. Meanwhile he doesn't brush his teeth for days or weeks at a time.
Gary said that Sal has been doing some weird stuff lately. He's had Debbie the Queefer's panties on his computer speaker for weeks so he had to ask him to move them. He's also been spying on some woman who gets dressed in front of her window at an apartment across the street from the studio lately. He's been tracking her and watching her dress in the morning.
*(This part featuring Double A was edited out of the replay) Double A was on the phone so Howard talked to him about how much time he's been spending over at SIRIUS lately. Double said that there's a woman over there who he wants to be around all the time because she's so hot. Double A wants to work over there and was just about begging for a show. He said that this woman, Sue Costello, is like a mini-Beth but Artie said that she's no mini-Beth because he's seen her. Double A asked Howard not to forget about him as he was getting off the phone.*
Richard told Howard about how he pleasured himself on the flight out to Chicago and spent about 15 minutes in the tiny bathroom. Gary said that he has to hold his breath when he has to use it. Artie said that it's embarrassing enough to go doody on the plane, never mind pleasuring yourself. Richard said he actually loves going doody on the plane and will save it for the flight.
In the clip Howard said he was going to let Mark Harris come in for 10 minutes tops. He said he was dressed like Lawrence of Arabia. He said he put a sheet on his head. He asked what's wrong with him. Gary said Mark is very happy today. Howard said Martha Raye is gone, that's why he's happy. Howard said he understands he's walking around in a mink that has to be worth a fortune. Robin asked if he's wearing Martha's wardrobe. Mark said he made that mink. Howard asked if he owns her clothes now. Mark said he is not wearing her clothes. He said her stuff is in storage.
Howard asked if he has Martha's house now. Mark said he does. Howard asked what he has gotten since her demise. Mark said he has gotten nothing from Martha since her demise. Howard said he must have gotten something.
Mark asked if he got the song he recorded. Howard said he has it. He asked Mark why he's getting plastic surgery. Mark said he had a re-draping of the neck. Howard asked him about the watch he was wearing. Mark said he got it from an Arab. He said he has a TV show and he has an agent now too. He said they just finished the TV show and it's going to NAPTE soon. He said it's called Tasty Travels. Mark said he travels around the world and cooks. Howard said this will never be seen anywhere. Mark said they'll see.
Howard asked Mark what he does in this show. Mark said he goes around and cooks in people's houses. Robin said he's making corrections on the recipes. Howard said Richard Simmons looks macho next to Mark.
Howard asked who produced this show. Mark said Rick Turner did and Howard knows him. Howard said he doesn't know who that is. Gary said they were in a limo once and he had done a cable show where the guy did a Letterman act. Gary said that the guy claims that Letterman ripped him off.
Howard said he wanted to hear his song. He said he heard he's getting a face lift and he's not sure why. Mark said everything is falling. He said he's getting a tummy tuck too. He said he's getting fat put in his ass and he's getting his testicles reduced. Mark said he's 50 years old and they're falling. He said they're just going to firm it up a little bit.
Howard asked if Mark is afraid of AIDS. Mark asked why he would. He said he's not into that kind of thing. Howard said he had to have tried it. Mark said he doesn't do that.
Howard played Mark's new song which was about Newt Gingrich. Howard asked why he doesn't like him. Mark said he's a republican and he doesn't want him in the party. The song sounded like every other Mark Harris song they've played on the show. Howard said he only knows one song. Mark said it's his signature.
Howard said he thinks his mind is soggy with all his friend's fluids. Mark let out a sigh when he heard that. Howard got back to the song and played a little more of that. Jackie was laughing while the song played. Howard asked how old he is. Mark said he'll be 46. He said he knew Howard wouldn't play it all the way through. He said Leo De Lion told him that he never does. Billy West did an impression of Mark singing too.
Howard played another song from Mark and laughed as he asked what that is. Howard ended up smashing the tape of the song.
Howard said the song is awful. He said he hates Newt but no one knows why. Howard said he doesn't dislike him. Howard asked what he doesn't like about him. Mark said he should hear the rest of the song. Howard said he has no reason. Mark said there's more to it in the song. Howard said it is the worst song he's ever heard. Mark said thank god the audience doesn't think so. Howard played more of the song and said he still doesn't know why he doesn't like Newt Gingrich. Howard said he came in there with a song about why he doesn't like him and he doesn't understand what he's saying he doesn't like about him. Mark said he thinks he's too close to the right and he should be more centered. Howard asked what too far means. Mark said he thinks there should be pro choice. Howard said they all agree on that. Mark said he thinks there should be more moderation like he is. Howard said he's not moderate. Mark said he is. Mark told Howard he and Mr. Blackwell are going to be revealing the worst dressed list together.
Gary brought in some faxes that the fans sent in to Mark. Howard read through a couple of those. Howard thanked Mark for his gift of Douche Das. Howard said he just got a fax from the Pope saying he wants to kill Mark Harris.
Howard asked if Mark's agent is named Dick Swallow. Mark said it's Harry Stallwater. He said he's been on the phone discussing deals with him the past few days. He said he works with Dom Deluise too. Howard said Mark is like Ru Paul without the talent.
Mark said he's going to come out and reveal himself after his surgery. Howard said he will come out to see him for that.
Mark said that he is going to get fixed up at the Kennedy Center. Howard asked why he thinks that's going to happen. Mark said he got a letter from President Clinton. He said he's concerned about his loneliness. Howard asked where that letter is. Mark said he has to frame it. Howard asked if he really thinks he's going to be famous. Mark said he is already. He said he's having a ball by the way. Howard said he's sure he is. He said he'd bet he's having two.
Howard asked Mark where he's announcing the worst dressed list. Mark said they're doing it in Hancock Park in Los Angeles.
Mark said he was in Marlboro, New Jersey yesterday and he had a real estate agent taking her around to see homes and he looked at one right next to his ex-wife. He said he doesn't want to live next door to her.
Howard said he thinks that they've spent enough time with him. He said he predicts that in about 3 months Mark will be very famous. Mark said he thinks he's right.
Howard asked if he is friends with Dom Deluise. Mark said he is. Howard asked if he thinks he's handsome. Mark said he thought he looked like Elizabeth Taylor used to look. Howard asked if he's attracted to him. Mark said his wife thought he was nice looking. Mark was telling Howard stories and Howard said he just can't take it anymore. He didn't understand what he was talking about. Howard wrapped up with Mark a short time later.
Howard said Tiny is the best talk show guest in the country. Tiny thanked him for that. Tiny told Howard about buying Robin's book the last time he was there. Howard said that she had some life. Tiny said he had no idea what she went through.
Howard said you have to see Alexa looking at Tiny. He said he has some way with women. Robin said he came in and ignored her. Howard said she's on the cover of Swank magazine. Tiny said she is lovely.
Tiny said he bought the magazine that Miss Alexa was in. He said he's the worst sinner in the world. He said he thinks that Jerry Springer took her to his room and he thought he could be with her but he could not so he pleasured himself. Howard said it's okay if he wants to pleasure himself to her now. Howard said he had a beer for him too.
Robin asked if he has ever touched himself. Tiny said he has not. Tiny told Howard back in 1981 he was staying somewhere there in the city. He said for one second he got slightly aroused and he just went closer than he should to this woman. He said she told him to be careful and he backed off. He said that was it.
Tiny said when you go into a man's room no matter who it is the first thing a man is going to think is how to seduce her. He said it's in every man's head or at least 9 out of 10.
Howard asked if sex is involved in his marriage. Tiny said that he told the world that he is impotent. He said he made an album called The Impotent Trubadore. Tiny said he can still have thoughts and sing romantic songs though. He said it's frustrating to him because Miss Sue can't have anything and she does all of the work. Tiny said sex isn't everything in a marriage.
Howard said Tiny speaks the truth. He said his wife will come into the room and Tiny will let her do things to him. Tiny said it happens once or twice a week. He said that it lasts 70 seconds or less. Howard said he has an orgasm then. Tiny said he does but he still hasn't consummated the marriage. He said he hasn't penetrated her. Howard said he has to help her out with something. He said he could use his ukulele on her. Howard said maybe he could use his mouth on her. Tiny said that she doesn't want that. He said she can't stand the smell of sharpie pens or his shampoo. He said she's afraid that if he does stuff to her with his mouth that she'll get something from his mouth. Howard said she's a saint.
Howard said last time Tiny was there he talked about wearing Depends Diapers. Tiny said he takes a shower every day and he hasn't missed one since 1989. He said the problem is that he gets lazy. He said he missed one in the Iowa flood. Tiny said the reason for Depends is because he cleans with soap and water back there. He said the Depends are clean and soft and he can throw them away. Howard said he doesn't soil his diapers. Tiny said he uses Preparation He and Pezo on himself even when he doesn't need it. He said if he gets any in the Depends he can throw them away. Tiny said he uses Preparation He as hand lotion. Howard said he has the hands of a 19 year old. Tiny said Revlon sent him some makeup products for free and he said he could not take them. He said he sent them $50 for what they sent him. Tiny said last time he was on he mentioned Job Squad paper towels on his body. He never uses a regular towel unless it's an emergency. He said he feels cleaner now. He said Viva came out with a soft cloth towel too and they changed the name to Viva Job Squad. He said he thinks they heard the show and brought that out.
Howard said Tiny has remained young doing all of this. He said you don't see a wrinkle on the guy. Tiny said he is near 65 years old. Howard said he looks 20 with the hands of a 19 year old.
Tiny said Depends has a great underwear garment but he is mad at them for one reason. He said they have a Velcro tape on it and it snaps away. He said he wishes they had straps on it. He said he loves the product so much.
Tiny also told Howard that he likes golden raisins but sometimes they have dark raisins in the package. He said he had to switch brands because of that. Howard said he used to drink tomato sauce too. Tiny said he had to quit doing that because of his heart problem. Tiny said he has Dominos pizza too and he likes the thin crust with it being light on the cheese. He said they never let him down. Howard said he always learns something new from Tiny. He said he didn't know he could have an orgasm being impotent. Tiny said Miss Sue is very patient.
Howard asked Tiny about how often Miss Sue helps him out in the morning. Tiny said it's every morning. He said she's very good about that. Howard said she's a very proper woman too. Tiny said she is. He said that he has told women to keep their morals but sometimes you can't. He said if a woman is going to do this with a man then a contract should be made before hand. He said there should be a payment made ahead of time. Howard asked if he ever had to put out on the casting couch. Tiny got a laugh out of that.
Howard said he wants Tiny to get to why he's really there. He said he put out a song called Susie Snowflake. Howard said he was going to give the proceeds to the March of Dimes and they said they didn't want his money because he's on the Howard Stern Show. Tiny said that is true. Howard said that's shocking. Tiny said it really is. Tiny said that they are playing a Holier than thou role and they are keeping money from going to the kids. He said they did this because he was going on Howard's show and that's not right. He said they became hypocritical. Tiny said they must be well secured if they can do this. Gary said that the March of Dimes people called off the air and said that Tiny's people didn't file the proper paper work. He said they didn't want to come on the air to talk about it though.
Howard played some of Tiny's song ''Susie Snowflake'' and Tiny was making eyes at him when he said it could be a big hit. Tiny said he is not pleased with the released song. He said he had a better version they did in the studio. Tiny said he thought having the higher voice would have been better. Tiny said they did it in that voice but they rushed this other version out.
Howard said they're trying to change him. He said that's just not right. Howard said that song isn't a bad dance number. Tiny said that some hit songs come out of mistakes. Robin said she loves his Christmas song ''Santa Has Got The AIDS This Year.'' Tiny said he wrote that way back in 1981. He said 5 years later Rock Hudson got into the headlines and it got to be very big.
Robin asked Howard to play some of that AIDS song. Howard said he can do that. Tiny said he hopes he doesn't get in trouble for that. Howard said they'll be fine. Robin said she loves that song. Howard said it has become a Stern Show favorite. Howard said it was an honor to have Tiny there today. Tiny thanked him and thanked Jackie and Alexa too. Howard played ''Santa Claus Has Got The AIDS This Year'' as they were ending the interview. Howard said he loves it. Tiny started singing along with it too. Howard wrapped up and ended the interview a short time later.
In the first clip Robin said that having meals and preparing meals together can help a relationship. Here's my rundown from that day:
Robin's News. 09/22/08. 10:10am
Howard had something else to talk about but he wanted to get to the news instead. Fred played a song parody about Robin's Boobs before she got to her news. She started off with a story about how couples can stay together if they prepare and make meals together. This study they did shows that couples can bond over things like that.
Howard told Robin she may be on to something there because he was taking meals on his own not too long before he and his wife split up. Artie said that it must have been tough to do the show around that time. Howard said it was and now this whole thing with Benjy is making him think he doesn't want to get married at all. That led to Benjy yelling at Howard and claiming that he's a liar and he's been such a jerk about that.
Howard said that someone who isn't a vegetarian doesn't ask for a vegetarian meal. Benjy said that he was asked if he wanted this, this or this and he just picked the meal that was vegetarian and he was making a big deal out of something very little.
Howard told Benjy to just be regular. Benjy said he can't fucking believe Howard and what he's doing with this. He said that he doesn't eat a lot of things and it's simpler to do the vegetarian thing. Benjy said that he really doesn't give a fuck about it. Benjy was yelling the whole time and Howard said he just wanted to move on. He had Robin get back to her news.
In the next clip Robin read a story about a New Zealand court making a couple change their child's name. Artie was trying to sit down and he didn't fit into his chair. That distracted Howard for a second. Robin read the name of the child and told Howard about some of the other names that were kind of odd.
In the next clip Robin read a story about how tall people are happier than shorter people. Howard said overly tall people aren't happy. Robin read about how this study was done to find out if taller people were happier and smarter. Howard said people his height aren't happy. He said he was fine when he was 6'2'' but then he got taller and became unhappy. He said he's unhappy because he's too tall.
In the next clip Robin read about Christina Applegate getting a double mastectomy. That led to Howard wondering what they do with the titties they cut off. Robin said they go to a lab to be analyzed. Howard asked if they bury them. He said he's serious about that. Fred played Taps while they were talking about that. Robin had some audio of Christina talking about the operation and how she's looking forward to having cute boobs. Howard said it's odd that they do that without her having cancer. Robin said her mother had it and she has the gene to get it. Robin said they say it's best to remove both boobs. Howard said he'd like to know if she kept both nipples. Robin said he could call a plastic surgeon to find out.
Artie told Howard he worked with Christina and he jerked off in his dressing room to her. He said she was right in the next room as he did it. Artie said he could hear her talking outside his door. Artie said he walked up to the door and did it while listening to her talking. He said he came on his door. Artie said after that he had to go do an awful sketch with her on MAD TV. Robin asked if he would still do it. Artie said he would.
Howard took a call from a guy who said his friend's wife had it done and they took both boobs and put in an implant. He said the nipple is taken off and you can have no nipple or get a tattoo of a nipple. He said it's kind of like a mannequin or have a tattoo. Howard said they should be able to make a nipple. The caller said he didn't know. Robin had more audio of Christina talking about her mastectomy.
In another clip Robin asked Howard about which is more popular, social media or porn sites. Howard said if you have time for that social media stuff you should have time to work. He said he thinks that's more popular. Robin said according to this study he is right. Howard said Myspace is open to anyone but Facebook you have to admit you want to go look at someone's stuff. Howard said people just want to share their stuff with everyone. He said these people who keep blogs are assholes. Howard goofed on that for a short time. Howard said Gange does that on his Facebook page. Howard and Fred were doing their Gange impressions and goofing on his Facebook posts. Howard read some of his posts and made fun of him over them. Gange came in and took it all while Howard was saying he's a fucking asshole. Howard said Gange has no life and no one cares. He said it's a waste of time. Gange said his friends all read that stuff and love it.
Doug Goodstein told Howard they have some video from Gange's Facebook page. They played that and Howard goofed on Gange about that too. Gange said he was hiking with Robin Radzinski and he was tired from that. Gange said he doesn't care what they say. He said he's going to continue to write his blog posts.
In the next clip Robin read a story about a new way of checking women with dense breast tissue. Robin said that they have to flatten out her breasts to do a Mammography. Robin said it's horrible. She said that she has stretch marks on them. Howard said he wanted to see. Howard said he bets his mom has dense breast tissue. He said she has a big hairy bush. Howard said she's a real woman. Robin wondered what happens when you have implants and they give a Mammography. She wondered if they pop those things. Howard said he remembers seeing his mom's breasts when he was a child. Artie said he saw his mom's for about 3 seconds. Howard said he saw his sister's titties too. Howard said she used to sleep in a nightgown and he could see right through it.
Ralph called in and said that he thinks he could get Artie's mom. He said she digs him. Artie said he might be right. Artie said he would purchase a gun with two bullets if he did. He said one would be for his mom and one would be for him. He said his mom really does enjoy his company. He said she's a very hip mother. Ralph asked how her breasts are. Artie said he won't know that very soon.
Today's special was over around 10:30am.
Benjy asked when that happened. Jon said it was 2010. Benjy asked if he thinks that's really what led to them not getting along well. Jon said it changed the dynamic between them. He said he thinks they both lost respect for each other around then. Jon said neither of them are there today so they're just speculating. Benjy said that's the best way to do it.
Jon was talking about how Gary thought that they had a deal not to show anything recorded in his office. He said Gary and Scott had a deal and Gary felt Scott broke the deal.
Benjy said he doesn't think Scott should have made that deal. He said he's wondering if he had the ability to say no to the deal. Jon said Gary could have said he didn't want the camera in his office. Benjy wondered if Gary could have said no to that. Jon said they're speculating on all of this.
Jon said Scott worked for Doug and neither of them could admit to what they did. He said Scott was deflecting all over the place. Steve Brandano said that's bullshit too. Jon said the focus was on him and he was trying to get it off of him. Jon said he puts more of it on Doug. He said he was in charge of Howard TV. Jon said if he was in charge he would take full responsibility. He said that never happened though.
Benjy asked if Gary's understanding was that he'd get a heads up or a veto. Jon said he thinks he expected a heads up. Benjy asked how it came up on the show. Jon said his recollection is that Doug came to him and Will and showed them the tape. Then he asked what they should do with it. Jon said if Gary is falling asleep on the show then something is going to happen. He said Doug didn't know what to do with it. Scott the Engineer said that was a serious thing. He said they were throwing Gary under the bus. Jon said that he told Doug that he had to go to Howard with it. He said he also said that if they had a deal with Gary they had to go to him too.
Jon said after that they went to Howard with it and then Gary heard about it. Jon said he thinks if anyone fell asleep on the show they'd hear about it. Jon said that was a bad moment to get caught at. He said the way it was dragged out with the back and forth was what made it worse. He said that Gary admitted he nodded off but it went beyond that with Scott and Gary.
Jon asked Scott the Engineer what he would have done. Scott said he would have gone to Gary first. Jon asked if he had an agreement first with someone like Ronnie, would he run into Howard and not tell Ronnie or would he warn him. Scott said he thinks that's happened before. He said it wouldn't bother Ronnie at all. He said it's a tough call. He said you still have to work with these people after.
Benjy wondered if they're looking for Brownie points or they're doing it for the show. Jon said he thinks it's both. Jon said it's a very tricky thing.
Steve said if Benjy was in there and he had tape of him saying something negative about Fred, what would Scott do in that situation. Scott said he doesn't know. He said that most probably he'd have to hold on to it for a little while until Benjy pissed him off.
Benjy said that Scott has complained sometimes and he has told him to talk quietly. He said that he assumes this whole place is bugged. He said a lot of companies do that. He said that he assumes everything they say is being recorded. Benjy said that he'll start saying that he loves things about people just in case they are being recorded. Jon said that's not a bad way to operate around there. He said they had to go to break after that.
Benjy said Gary should be able to say to Howard that he needs a nap and he'll work more effectively. Jon said Howard would love to hear that. Benjy said more mistakes will happen if you don't take a nap. Jon said that he should tell Howard that next time he wants a nap. He said that's a death wish right there.
Jon asked how critical it was that the video was funny to watch. He said that was pretty funny. Scott said it was worth it for them. Benjy said he doesn't remember seeing it. He asked what it looked like. Jon said he was in a chair and he nodded off. He said he wasn't taking a nap. He was sitting back and listening to the show. Benjy said he's much more innocent then. Scott said he should have been prepared for work and shouldn't have been sleepy.
Jon asked what they think about DePace's defense system. Jon said he was backed into a corner obviously. Steve said he thinks he should have admitted it was wrong but it was too good for the show to ignore. He said blaming it on Doug was wrong and he should have manned up for it. Scott said Doug should have said it was the best thing for the show and taken responsibility too.
Benjy said he doesn't know enough of the details. He said if DePace said it then does he have the authority to make that promise and does Doug have to accept the agreement.
Jon said he wants to talk more about how this broke Gary and Scott. He said they had a friendly rivalry and then it turned into ''I don't like this guy.'' Jon said he understands why Gary would feel that way. Steve said he gets that too. He said DePace broke his word to Gary. Jon said he did apologize to him eventually. Steve said the damage was done already though. Everyone saw him sleeping at work and it was embarrassing.
Jon asked if this was the worst thing that's happened to Gary on the show. He said this might be even worse than his pitch. Scott said that his worst was saying ''Baba Booey.'' He said he can't beat that. Benjy said maybe ask if this is the most damaging. Benjy said he thinks it is if that's what they're going by. Steve said it affects his work and the way he appears. He said they all want to nod off once in a while but he actually did it and it directly affects his job.
Benjy said if JD did it then it could have been a sweet thing. Jon said they can go down that road. He asked what Gary is going to do if he sees video of it. He has no agreement not to show it. The guys think that Gary would go to Howard with it. Scott said they work in a strange environment. He said if you're at a regular job and you see someone sleeping you'd just wake them up. They have a different way of doing things there. He said there you record them sleeping and take it to the boss. They had to go to break a short time later.
Benjy said that some people get joy out of other people's misery. Scott said he doesn't. Benjy said that when you see someone with no limbs or a head you think about how good you've got it. Scott said he thinks he's got it pretty good there. He said he's been there for 30 years and he's still there. Jon said some people think of him as a complainer but he feels like a lucky guy. Scott said when he steps back and looks at what he has he thinks he's doing pretty good.
Benjy asked Scott about waking up in the morning if he's excited about the world. Scott said no. He said he knows how lucky he's been but on a daily basis he should be happier for what he has. Jon said he feels very lucky too. He said he feels with this job he's very lucky to have it. He said it's so special to be able to do what they do there on a day to day basis. He said he's thankful every day for being there.
Steve said that it can be really rough going home when it's dark and coming to work when it's dark. He said that's why Gary fell asleep at work.
Jon said you should go to work well rested and enjoy your day at work. He said they were going to wrap up this show now. He had the guys get in their plugs and they ended the show around 11:10am.