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Howard started the show talking about Robin being there but not really there. He said her ISDN line is blown out according to Scott the Engineer. Howard said that what's annoying about Scott is that his lips don't move when he tells you something. Howard said he keeps his mouth very tight and doesn't move. Fred said he doesn't seem to give a shit either. He doesn't go try to get it fixed either. Howard said Robin's line is out and they're getting someone over to her place to get her on by 8 or so. He said that we're stuck with him and Fred and Benjy and the rest of the team until then.
Howard said he's exhausted. He said that every time he's on America's Got Talent Mel B and Heidi say they want to come to his apartment. He said that he tells them no all the time though.
Howard got Robin on the phone and said that it's kind of annoying. He said he did have Mel B and Heidi over to his apartment. He said he had a dinner party even though he didn't want to. Howard said he has to go to bed early so he doesn't really have time for them. He said that they wanted to do it and Beth was really into it so they set up the party. Howard said he didn't want to have them over but he has nothing against Mel or Heidi. He said that he just didn't want to have the party.
Howard said Sunday is the worst time. He said he has phone meetings with Gary and things like that. He said it's kind of crunch time for him. Howard said they did have the party last night. He said he started it at 6 and he was ending it at 7:30. He said he figured they'd be gone by 8. Howard said Howie showed up at 10 to 6 and he was on time. Howard said they had Sam and Jason and Brandon from NBC over too. He said they didn't show up until 7. Heidi and Mel were texting Beth that they were late. He said they didn't show up until 7:15. Howard said he was like ''What the fuck?'' He had food prepared and all of that. He said it's really fucking annoying. He said he didn't want to do the party and then they show up an hour and 15 minutes late.
Howard said he invited Nick over too. He said Beth told him about the party and he wrote back and said ''I'll try to be there.'' Howard said he'd like to know where he learned his manners. Howard said he should have written to let them know if he was coming or not. He said they waited all night and he never showed up. Howard said last time he was 2 and a half hours late. Howard said he could have shown up at any time.
Howard said you can't say you might show up. He said people prepare for you to come. He said that everyone pisses on him. He said if he invites you to something you don't show up an hour late. He said that it wasn't even his idea. He said that it was Heidi and Mel's idea. Howard said he knows that people look at an invitation and want to show up an hour late. Robin said the President might show up late but he's busy doing something important. Howard said he'd like to know what Nick is doing that he can't make a commitment.
Howard said he's just ragged out. He said he just makes too much fucking sense. Howard said they had a wonderful time though. He said he doesn't get to talk to Mel, Heidi and Howie. He said he stays in his dressing room and stays away from everyone. Howard said it was nice to hang out. He said Beth had a good time. He said it was a nice bonding experience.
Robin said she'd like to know when the evening ended. Howard said it was 9:30 when he realized he wanted to be in bed by 8. He said he was laying in bed waiting for Beth to come in. He said he was trying to watch True Blood and then Beth came in. He said she was doing a recap of the night and that was fun. He said that sucked because he had to get to bed. Robin laughed. She said he had post game interrupts. Howard said that's what it was.
Howard said then Scott comes in and tells him that Robin's ISDN line is down this morning. He told him to try to get it fixed but Scott can't do anything about it. Robin said she doesn't have a back up. She said they only have one box at her house. Howard said they need a back up plan. Robin said she was told that her Zephyr blew out and she has no idea what that is. Howard said they're doing 2 shows a week during the summer when AGT is on. He said that they only have like 4 more weeks of that going on. He said they're only doing 2 shows and they don't have an ISDN line ready to go. Howard said Gary told him they check the line every day but they didn't check it yesterday. Howard said he threw a tantrum when he found out about this.
Howard had a phone caller who said that Robin sounds terrible and he should get her off the line. Howard said Robin sounds fine but the caller sounds terrible. Howard said this is the old school way of doing things.
Howard said he did have a good time last night. He said it was nice getting together with everyone. He said he's glad he did it but now he's dragging his ass. He said he hates lateness. He said that's his one bugaboo.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she was wondering about the sexual energy between him and Heidi. Howard said he doesn't know what the hell she's talking about. Howard jokingly said he might be fucking her in the dressing room but nothing is going on when they're on air. Howard said he doesn't get it because he doesn't see it. Howard said other people have said they see it though. Howard said he sits next to her during the show but he doesn't detect it. The caller said that she does. She said she doesn't like Robin on the phone either.
Howard said he prefers Robin on the phone. Robin said it sounds weird when he picks up the phone. She said it sounds like the thing is blowing up. Howard said that's good to know. He said they should get that fixed.
Howard said that he was thinking about Van Halen and had a revelation. He said he tried talking to Beth about it and she doesn't give a fuck about it. Howard said that Hot For Teacher was a game changer in Rock and Roll. Robin asked how that is. Howard said Robin sounds like Beth that she just wants to get it over with. Robin said she's actually intrigued.
Howard said Hot for Teacher is all over the place and such a fast song. Howard said that Eddie Van Halen came into a room and started playing the song. He said that the song is all over the place and then David Lee Robin starts singing to it. Howard said he would have no idea when to come in and start singing. Howard asked if anyone understands what he's talking about. Robin said she does. Howard said David Lee Roth is so relaxed when he's singing too. Howard said it's crazy. Howard said if he was the lead singer he'd think that he'd have to sing like the crazy music is.
Howard told Fred to play the song. Howard said that Richard Christy says the drumming at the start of the song is real too. It's not a drum machine. Howard said that's crazy right there. Howard said then the guitar starts and you wonder where you can jump in. David Lee Roth has to figure where to jump in. Howard said the song is mayhem but Roth knows what to do. Howard said he has the chills listening to this song.
Howard said this really is a game changer song. He said he wishes he could be in a band. Howard said he'd be lost trying to figure out the song like David Lee Roth had to do.
Robin said Howard would go nuts trying to come up with a song. Howard said that's someone who should be in a mental institution.
Howard said he thinks that he's on a roll and he'll have more revelations about music. Howard asked what song Robin thinks would be the sexiest song in the world. Howard said it's such a powerful song that you'd want to be in the band.
Howard said he was listening to Eminem's new song and he heard that Jay Z has a new song but he doesn't get it. Howard said he's just out of that Genre. Howard said he'd rather listen to Online Sweetheart from Benjy and Elisa. Robin said he can't be that bad. Howard said he's just joking. He said that Benjy and Elisa have a new video out and it's Benjy the Hoola Hoop and he didn't see him doing the hoola hoop. Howard said Elisa looks good but Benjy doesn't.
Howard said the sexiest song out there is something that makes you want to do something big. Robin said it has to be Kashmir. Howard said she's right. Howard asked how she knows that. Robin said that's what she's always said. Howard said they're soul mates. Robin said she has thought that since she first heard that song. Robin said she's known about that since she was in her 20s. Howard had Fred play some of Led Zeppelin's Kashmir. Howard said he was doing pull ups to this while he was working out and as soon as it came on he was able to do the pull ups he was trying to do. Howard said this is the sexiest song in the world. Fred said he had a hunch that was the song he was talking about.
Robin said he couldn't have pleasured himself during that. Howard said he'll have to ask him about that. Howard said the guy's name is Wesley but they call him the big ball guy.
Howard said he saw the new movie that Oprah is out promoting and he thinks it's the greatest of all time. He said he hopes to actually see it some day too.
Robin said that Oprah used to have her people tell the people that the NY Times was going to call to talk to them so they'd be by their phones when she called about her picking their book or movie to be her pick of the month.
Robin told Howard about a guy who insulted Oprah when she picked his book to be her pick of the month. Robin said the guy had to write her a letter apologizing but he insulted her again in that.
Howard said Oprah is out promoting this movie everywhere but here. He said that she won't come on this show. Gary is trying to get her in there but she hasn't agreed to come in. Gary has been in email contact with her people but hasn't actually spoken to her.
Howard said he has to take a break and get to a lot of stuff. He said Sal and Richard have a new phony phone call and they also went out on the street and asked what people thought of the Sharknado that touched down. Howard said he has tape of Oprah and Lindsay Lohan that they have to get to at some point. He said it's quite amazing from what he's heard.
Howard said he saw the movie ''Jobs'' and liked it. He said he thought Ashton was good as Steve Jobs. Howard said it got a lot of bad reviews but he liked the movie. Howard said there were flaws with the movie and it could have been a more psychological thing. He said that they could have shown his madness and genius. Howard said he enjoyed the movie though. He said he didn't hate it the way the critics did. Robin said they might hate Ashton Kutcher. Howard said she might be right. Robin said that he's gorgeous and he's on a TV show and he's the highest paid actor on TV. Howard said that he apparently invested a lot of money in internet companies and now he's a billionaire. Howard said that's a good reason to hate him.
Howard said he thought Ashton did a good job as Steve Jobs. He said he also did a speech on the Kid's Choice awards and he talked about how he had to work hard to get where he got. Howard said that was a great speech. Howard said he got a screener for the movie ''Don John'' and he started watching it but he's not done yet. Howard said he's in the middle of that. Howard said he had to catch up on a bunch of other TV shows last night before his dinner party so he was watching a lot of stuff. Howard said he's very busy so he has to catch up.
Howard said he's busy shooting photos for the North Shore Animal League. He said they're trying to build a while wing onto that place. Howard said everyone has to buy this calendar.
Howard said this movie Don John is about this guy who works out and barely works at all. Howard said the guy is so good looking that he's fucking tons of chicks. He said he enjoys jerking off to porn more than chicks. Howard said he's always jerking off and the movie is really good so far. Howard said the guy meets a chick that's a ''dime'' which is a 10. He said Tony Danza is the dad and Joseph Gordon Levitt is the kid who jerks off all the time. Howard said he meets Scarlett Johansson and that's when he stops jerking off. Robin said that she got the movie with Amanda Seyfried playing Linda Lovelace. Howard asked if you see tittie in it. Robin said she can't remember. Howard said Robin is so not a lesbian. She can't remember if Amanda was showing her tits in the movie. Robin said that it's not a lot of nudity. Robin said she's sure you see boobs. Howard said he just got a report that they do show boobs but no confirmation on the vag. Howard went to break after that.
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Howard took a call from a guy who said that he thought last week's AGT with the Backstreet Boys was horrible and all he could think about was Howard singing the Gay Way. Howard said he was watching the video for that song when he heard they were coming on the show. Howard said he was kind of glad they did that old song. He thought it was kind of fun.
Howard said Tuesday night is going to have the best talent on it. He said that he has seen all of these acts and he can't figure out who is going to go through. Howard said that they are all very good. Robin said they had one show that was like that and it makes you angry because they would have made it through on any other show. Howard said he thinks this week's show is going to have great acts on. He said it's kind of crazy.
Howard said people thought that he was negative and grumpy last week. He said he wasn't. Robin said it's because some of the acts weren't very good. Howard said he was trying to be positive but he couldn't be with some of the acts. He said he wasn't thrilled with what he saw.
Howard said this week you'll see that this is the best talent. The caller said that he thinks that Mel B and Heidi's comments are more negative than Howard's. He said Howard gets the boos. Howard said he tries not to be harsh. He said he's just letting them know why they don't make it through.
Robin said there were 3 things that pissed her off about the show. Robin said she loves that the country western singer made it through. Howard said he told people not to vote him through because of his story. He said he didn't do a good job this time. Robin said it pissed her off that he made it through. She said he's a mediocre singer. Robin said she also hates it when the judges can't agree on the person who goes through. Howard said that's a real thing too. He said they end up in a tie and it's a real thing. Howard said he prefers that America gets to vote. He said he thinks that they should just ask him if they ask any of the judges.
Robin said the other thing that pissed her off was that in order to get Heidi's vote it has to be something Heidi can take her kids to. Howard said that pissed him off too. He said that she can't take her kids to any comedian's show. Howard said that was crazy. He said he's glad she pointed that out.
The caller said he has to disagree with the Kashmir song. He said the Octomom and Tan Mom mashup was the sexiest song. Howard said he agrees.
Howard played the call and Richard said that his grandson had a case of whooping cough. He asked them to pray for him. They started to pray for the kid while Sal and Richard played the audio of the guy doing the horse guy making his noises. The host of the show was praying to god to take care of this and then started saying that the people who made that call need help from god. The guy said that they wasted their time with that fake call.
Howard said you'd think that Jesus could inspire better music than what they were playing on that show. Robin said that guy was really angry. Howard said that he likes the way the guy calls Sal and Richard idiots and morons. Howard said Sal really is an idiot and a moron. He said that Sal was on the Wrap Up Show talking about the Tan Mom and how much he loves her. Howard played the clip and Sal says ''it's funner...'' Howard said he asked Gary if Sal went to college. Howard said Gary told him he went to Stony Brook. Howard said there's no way he got into that school. Sal said he went to Suffolk Community. Howard said Gary thought he went to Stony Brook. Howard said there's no way Gary could even get in there. Howard said Gary went to Adelphi. Gary said he got into the University of Texas but he couldn't afford to go.
Sal said that funner is a word. Howard said it is not a word. Sal said they looked it up on Google and it's a word. Howard said there is no way it's a word. Howard asked Sal if he graduated from Suffolk. Sal said he went for a few semesters and that was it. He said he had an average of 3.5 in science there. Howard laughed.
Howard said they had a whole discussion about Sal wanting to fuck Tan Mom. Howard thought he was putting it on but he's really into her. Howard asked if he ever has his wife get really tan and pretend to be Tan Mom. Howard said over the weekend they got in touch with her and she said she quit show business. Howard said she wanted noting to do with her manager but today she's back in. Howard said the ban lasted for 3 days.
Howard asked Gary what the deal was with that. Gary said he saw the note and it said something about her making a change in her life. Sal said that he thinks she should keep drinking. Gary said he wasn't sure what business she quit.
Howard said Gia from the Bachelorette killed herself. Howard said when Gary did the Jimmy Kimmel show he hit someone in the audience with a ball and it was her. Howard said that was the girl Gary knocked on the head with the ball. Gary said he's not even going to joke about that. Gary said that he saw Howard being interviewed about that. Howard said they did two different interviews with him and they took them and edited them together. Howard said he didn't know if they were joking the first time they asked him about her dying. Howard said they asked him a couple of questions and edited them together to make one answer.
Gary said the edit was very strange. Gary said that Howard was talking about how he was a fan of her's and also talked about how hard fame can be for people but they weren't from the same interview. Howard said that pissed him off.
Howard said he hates doing the press line for AGT. He said Mel B doesn't do it and he should run off like she does. Howard said they always ask him about Simon Cowell at those things.
Howard took a call from a guy who claimed to be a Clopper. Howard asked if he beats off to the My Little Pony things. The guy said he does. Gary asked him to name a few of the characters to find out of he was real. He wasn't real. He didn't have the names. Howard went to break a short time later.
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Howard asked Richard if he would let Richie wipe his ass with a Shittens. Richard said he used one on the show when he was drinking beer with his ass. Howard said Richard's ass always needs to be wiped. Howard had Richie put on the Shitten and Richard was on his back. Richie said he had his Shitten on and you just stick your hand in this thing and wipe. Richie said this is how he would do this if Richard was his baby. Richie said you just ball it up by making a fist and throw it away. Richard said he's totally refreshed now. He said he feels great knowing it was Richie's hand in his ass. Howard wrapped up with Richie and finished up the break.
Wesley said he had his hoodie on as a pair of pants last time. He said he has real pants on this time and no 200 pound testicle sack on. He said they weighed them last time he was on and they were about 145 pounds. Wesley said they gained more after that. He said that he's happy to be carrying that hoodie and not wearing it today.
Howard asked Wesley why he's gaining weight now. Wesley said for the last year he was bedridden pretty much. He said he was eating and not able to move around much.
Howard said he has Dr. Joel Gellman on the phone. Howard said he's the one who did the surgery. Wesley said he's his savior. Howard asked Wesley when he felt ball pain. Wesley said he sat up quickly one morning and his testicles were loose at the time. He said he slammed his right leg on his right testicle and he burst a lymph node. He said it was the worst pain a man could imagine for about 10-12 seconds. He said as the pain went away he remembers it feeling like a tractor trailer tire was lifting off his right ball. This happened on May 23, 2008. He said that as he was in the green room he was thinking about Howard talking about his penis size and today he might have a smaller penis than Howard does. Howard said he heard he has an inch but he'd be happy to have that much.
Howard asked if he can get an erection now. Wesley said no. Howard said he must be okay with that since his life must have been horrible with the big balls. Howard asked if he was able to get an erection back then. Wesley said no.
Howard asked Dr. Gellman if he can get an erection. Dr. Gellman said he should be able to but only after another operation. Wesley said that this is all about money. He said that this is going to be another million dollar operation. Howard asked why UCLA wanted that kind of money for that operation. Dr. Gellman said he has no idea. He said they don't charge anyone that type of money. He said he's not sure where that came from. He said it seems a bit high to him.
Howard said that Dr. Gellman did the surgery free of charge. Howard asked Dr. Gellman what they discovered when they cut him open. Dr. Gellman said that you have a normal penis and normal testicles and the skin and tissue grow and engulf the penis. He said it grew to the size of a beach ball. He said it was skin and tissue and his penis and testicles were covered up in there. He said they had to cut into that tissue and identify the penis and testicles and take it all off and recover it. He said they were normal in size so his testicles appeared normal.
Dr. Gellman said it took hours to find the penis. He said that it was forming a channel for the urine to exit. He said the penis was way buried inside his body. He said that the penis length is normal now. He said that he didn't reduce the size of it though. Howard said what he's saying is that he has a penis now opposed to nothing.
Dr. Gellman said that what they did was try not to injure the penis. He said they were trying not to use tissue grafts around his penis. Howard said Wesley is afraid that the growth will return. Dr. Gellman said there is some swelling going on but the shaft of the penis should be okay. He said that what they need to do is remove some of the affected skin and use skin grafts around the penis. He said they should give him the appearance of a normal penis.
Howard asked Dr. Gellman how big he is. Gellman said that he doesn't think anyone cares. Robin asked if he's seen this condition before. Dr. Gellman said he has. He said they have seen patients with over 70 pounds of scrotal mass. He said Wesley was the largest though.
Howard asked what's going to happen next. Wesley said he has to get more surgery but the hospital has a lot of charges that Dr. Gellman has no control over. He said that he's been going to follow up appointments but it's very expensive.
Wesley said that the surgery was about a 13-14 hour surgery. He said he was in a medal coma during that. He said he was kept in that coma for 2 days. He said that they weren't sure if he was going to awaken.
Howard asked if it's true that Dr. Oz wanted to pay for it if he could have the exclusive interview. Wesley said that he didn't want to be handcuffed to something like that. Wesley said he didn't want to gamble with his life because they didn't have a doctor yet. He said he knew finding someone like Dr. Gellman was going to be tough. He didn't want to get stuck with whoever they picked for him to use.
Howard said that Wesley is going to be on TLC tonight on a show called The Man with the 132-lb Scrotum. Wesley said he wanted to auction the scrotum off on Ebay. He said they would not release the balls to him. Howard asked Dr. Gellman where it is now. Gellman said that they sent it to get analyzed. He said there's no way the hospital would release it.
Wesley said he heard that they finally discovered the balls and they were long and slimy. Howard said he was seeing video of this. Dr. Gellman said that they might be seeing video from the British version. They won't be so graphic here in the states. Howard said that's not right. Wesley said the show did very well in England and he's hoping that it does well here so he can do another show.
Howard asked what kind of money he needs to continue on with the surgery. Wesley asked Dr. Gellman. Gellman said he's willing to do it free of charge but the hospital may not. Howard said he wants to know what kind of money he needs. Wesley said that he's not sure what he's covered for. Wesley said that it's like a part time job to figure all of this out. He said it's all a waiting game. He said he had to go see Dr. Gellman about an x-ray and his assistants in his office was on the phone every day for weeks before they approved this simple visit. Howard asked what this would cost if Medicaid didn't cover it. Dr. Gellman said it's hard to tell. He said it can be tens of thousands of dollars or over 100,000. He said it all depends.
Howard asked Dr. Gellman if Wesley is right to be confused. Dr. Gellman said that they have worked to make sure he hasn't had to pay anything. He said that they had to pay an initial fee but he doesn't think he had to pay anything at the hospital. He said he thinks that the hospital worked with Medicaid to get some of the surgery paid for at a discounted rate. He said that this has been very time consuming on his staff's part. He said he thinks that they will be able to secure the funding to cover the fees.
Howard said this is very generous for him to do. Howard asked Dr. Gellman why he's doing this gratis. Dr. Gellman said that they do provide free care at times. He said that they will do that when there is no option for some people. He said in this case he saw a man who was afraid of losing his life or genitals and he thought they could help.
Howard asked Gellman if he's playing god. Howard said he must see people who need free surgery every day. He said he can only do so much. Gellman said that's true. He said that one bonus was that if they could help him and help others who see this story. He said that other people might get help and get treated for something like this.
Howard asked if there will ever be a penis operation that can make a penis larger. Dr. Gellman said there are surgeries that people do but they have seen people who have had infections from doing some surgeries.
Howard said that Wesley's aunt thinks that a demon did this to him. Wesley said that she's very strong in her religious beliefs. He said that she believes that anything that happens like that has to be the work of Satan.
Robin was on her ISDN line again at this point. Wesley was talking about how he got his family together for a reunion and he has a lot of family that goes to church.
Howard said that Wesley is on the Man with the 132-lb Scrotum tonight on TLC. Howard asked if he's looking for more funds. Wesley said he has to go to see the doctor and he needs $300 or so to go every other week or so. Wesley said there are a lot of folks who came through after the last time he was on the show. He said there are people who donated $5 or maybe $10 or $25 to him. He said that a lot of people donated the money to him and he's a total stranger. He said he didn't have the opportunity to email them all back to let them know how incredibly grateful he is. He said there aren't enough words to let them know how appreciative he is. Howard said he's glad he said that. Howard said he knows he got a few donations but not enough to get him through this thing.
Wesley said with those donations he didn't have to worry about being out on the street. He said Social Security did cut him off for 8 months though. Howard said when you get a certain amount of money they do cut you off. Wesley said if it wasn't for those donations he would have been out on the streets.
Howard said they'll have to see what happens. Wesley said he still has the same email which is BenefitBallsack@yahoo.com. He said even the people who didn't send money and just sent well wishes to him were great. He said he's very appreciative to all of them.
Howard thanked Dr. Gellman for calling in and helping Wesley out. Howard said he's a good man.
Howard took a call from a guy who sounds like a scammer to him. Howard said the dude isn't scamming. The caller said that he's talking about driving 5 hours to go to the doctor. Wesley said he has no problem showing how much he goes through. He said he can show what the recovery is looking like at this point. Howard asked what it looks like. Wesley took off his pants to show him what's going on down there. Howard asked to see what's going on down there. Wesley showed Howard what's going on there. Howard asked where his penis is. Wesley said it was in a hole. Robin said she's going to be sick. Wesley said they say they can correct all of that mess down there.
Howard said it looks like he has a big cock down there. Wesley said he was hoping that would be one of the benefits. Howard said he has to lose some weight. Wesley said he realizes that but it's easier said than done. Howard said that's a lot better than what he had. Robin said it is for sure. Howard said he thinks that's going to be a good segment on Howard TV.
Howard thanked Dr. Gellman and Wesley for coming in. Wesley also thanked the plastic surgeon, Dr. Kobayashi who helped him out too.
Wesley said he wanted to play Guess Who's The Jew with Fred. He said that's his favorite game of all time. Howard said he has $500 to give away so he'll play that with him. Howard said he can play with him. Howard said the money is courtesy of the movie ''The World's End.''
Howard said he will bring out Kurt Waldheim Jr. now. Fred went into his character and said that Wesley looks like one of his experiments. Howard said that Kurt wants to win some money and play the game. Howard asked Wesley if he's good at spotting a Jew. Wesley said he has been in the past. Fred asked if he's a Jew himself. Wesley said he is not. They spent a short time talking to Kurt about knowing someone's background and how important that is.
Howard moved on to the game and had Fred give him some choices. Fred gave him a few categories and Wesley went with Jews in Space. Kurt gave him Sigourney Weaver, Chris Pine and Mark Hamill as his choices. Howard said he'd go with Sigourney Weaver. Wesley said that he's going to go with Sigourney Weaver. He was wrong. It was actually Chris Pine. Howard said that was a practice round so it didn't matter that Wesley got that one wrong.
Howard moved on to the real game and turned it over to Kurt. This was the Hollywood Wack Jobs category. Kurt gave him Amanda Bynes, Lindsay Lohan and Kristen Stewart. Howard was trying to figure it out with Wesley. Wesley said that he's going to go with Kristen Stewart. He said when they were doing the discussion a few minutes ago he heard something in Kurt's voice. Kurt said he would like to give him a hint. He said that you don't hear many Jews with a name near Christian. Howard said he thinks Bynes sounds Jewish to him. Howard said no way to Lindsay Lohan. Wesley said that he might be sabotaging him. Howard said Kurt can be very cruel. Wesley said that he's going to change it to Amanda Bynes. Kurt told Wesley that Bynes is the correct answer. Wesley said that he's happy about that. Kurt said fuck Shittens, he has to go work on own project, Breast Muffs, which are the removed breasts from women that are made into ear muffs. They wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard said that Gary had a horrible tragedy happen to him last night. Gary said his cable went out at 9:20 last night and didn't come back on until 11:30. He said he missed the best TV shows last night. He said there were four great shows on last night that he missed because of that outage.
Howard wondered why they have so many great things on Sunday night. Gary said that The Sopranos started on Sunday nights. Gary said he had to go to a 4 tuner TiVo to get it all recorded.
Howard said he has a lot of things to get to. He said that they went out on the street and said to people that they had a Sharknado hit. Howard said everyone had heard of it and wanted to comment. Howard played some of the interviews Sal and Richard did with people on the street. The first woman said she heard about it and you don't know how sharks are feeling in a situation. She said we have to be aware and watch out for them. She said she would want to get out of the way of a shark as fast as possible. She said maybe they can put something in the water to distract them. She said she was praying for the people who were lost in the last Sharknado.
Howard said what he wants to do is dress up in a shark costume and land in her living room. He said he wants to see how she'll distract him. The woman sounded like she was answering these questions seriously.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that was a great interview. He thanked him for making his day. Howard said you have to see when Wesley pulls down his pants on Howard TV.
Howard played another interview Sal and Richard did with a guy on the street about Sharknado. The guy said you have to be prepared for that and stand on top of a building. He said he would go in a cage if he had to.
Howard played more interviews and people seemed to think this was a real thing. Howard said you learn that people are insane out there.
Howard said Sal and Richard also went out with a picture of a black baby and showed it to people saying it was Prince George. Howard said people will believe anything you tell them. Howard played a clip of a guy saying that she had to have cheated if that was her baby. They told the guy that Flavor Flav had stayed at the palace about 9 months before the baby was born so maybe he was the father. They had more guys on the street commenting and saying that it's not cool if the princess cheated.
Howard picked up on Eric the Actor who said that he had something to say about what he was saying about Darren Young. He said that Howard is very disrespectful. Howard said he was being sarcastic earlier. Howard said that he was joking about how his parents weren't embarrassed about him being gay, they were embarrassed about him being a wrestler. Howard said it was a joke. Eric said it wasn't funny. Howard said it was funny. He told him how the joke worked but Eric said it's not funny.
Howard had this guy Vince on the phone and he said he thought Eric was banned from the show. He said this guy just keeps ripping Howard. Howard said he just doesn't get the joke. Howard asked when it's okay to joke about the WWE. Eric said he doesn't know. Vince told him that the whole thing is scripted and acted. Eric said he knows that, you fucking idiot. Vince said he takes wrestling seriously, what a fucking moron.
Howard said he heard the audition Eric did for the WWE. Eric said he hasn't been offered it yet. He said he was talking to a wrestler who is a free agent right now. He said he wants to be a manager for this guy.
Howard asked Shuli what's going on there. Shuli said that he heard from Eric about Johnny dropping the ball again on this audition. Shuli said he told Eric that he should leave his audition on his answering machine and he'll contact some people.
Howard played the clip of Eric leaving the message for the WWE. Howard played a few seconds of it and Eric stops in the middle of a sentence. Howard asked why he didn't just start over again. Eric said he didn't know. Howard played more of the clip and Eric was talking about what a fan of the WWE he is and went on and on. Howard said he can't play this because people will tune out. Howard said it's so boring. Shuli said he told him he has to scream and yell like a real WWE manager would. Howard said he has to be over the top. Eric said he knows that.
Howard said he should just play the rest of this because you've never heard such a boring thing. Howard let the clip play and Eric was going on and on about this guy. Shuli said this is edited by the way. He said there are different groups he calls out.
Howard cut it off again and said that he should go cut this again. Howard said presenting this to the WWE is disrespectful.
Howard had Jeff the Drunk on the phone who said that audition was horrible. He said he thinks that Eric has a crush on the gay wrestler. Eric said he does not. Jeff said he thinks he wants to fuck him. Eric told him to shut the fuck up.
Howard asked Eric if he would be the gay wrestler's manager if they offered it to him. Eric said no. Eric said he doesn't want to be part of the heels managers. He said that guy is a heel right now. Eric told Jeff to go kill another hundred brain cells with pot. Jeff said ''Gladly.''
Howard said Eric wants to be in the WWE but he wont' even manage someone who is a bad guy. Howard asked Eric if he would be a gay wrestler's good guy manager. Eric said yes. Jeff called him Eric the Fairy. Shuli asked if he would change his name to Eric the Fairy. Eric said no.
Jeff said he's ready for the audition for the movie role. Howard hung up on him. He said he was being annoying.
Shuli said that Jeff was told to show up to a WWE event and shave his head. Shuli said he showed up and it turned out to be a scam. Howard said he wished he hadn't hung up on him.
Howard said he should play Eric's second half of the phone call. He said it's so boring. Howard played more of it anyway. Eric got cut off and called back to leave the second part of this audition. Eric was talking about managing and how he was going to show brutal aggression. Howard said Eric just goes on and on. Robin said he would be the worst manager in history. Howard let more of the clip play and Eric was explaining what he would do as a manager.
Howard had Eric back on the phone and said that he doesn't like wrestling but he could be better than Eric at this. Howard went into his own impression of a WWE manager. He asked Eric for the name of a wrestler. Eric gave him Brock Lesnar. Howard got the name wrong but he was yelling and changing the tone of his voice. Eric's tone never changed so they pointed that out to him.
Howard told Eric to try again. He said he has to do better. Eric said he would like to say he has a better audition but he didn't want to say that because it was with a different company.
JD told Howard to play the clip of the wrestler that hates Eric. Howard played the clip and it was from a TNA podcast where Bobby Rude was going off on Eric. He was complaining about him on the show and how he's seen him at events waiting outside the locker room like a perv. Bobby was talking about how horrible he is and how they have to stop giving him free tickets. He said he was going go to go up and grab him and kick him into the ring and then kick him back up into the nose bleed seats. He told them to have Eric go to the Bound for Glory show.
Howard asked Eric if he's going to go. Eric said he hopes to. Eric said he's not afraid of Bobby Rude. Howard let Eric go a short time later.
Howard took a call from Mr. Spielberg who said he's making E.T. 2 and he wanted to offer him the role of E.T. Howard said he might not be tall enough to play the part.
Shuli got in a plug for his One Mic Comedy Tour that he's starting later this month. You can get tickets at Cleanboxentertainment.com.
Howard said that they're starting an F-Emmy special on the 26th. He said it's a week long special. They went to break after that.
Howard had David Arquette on the phone and said he saw him in the paper this morning. Howard said he saw him with some hot chick walking out of a club. Howard said he had paisley pants on. Howard said he hasn't heard from him in ages. David said he's good but he lost his voice from singing.
Howard asked if he's sober or back to drinking. David said he's back to drinking again. Howard asked if he's able to have one or two or if he's drinking a whole bottle. David said he's a drinker so he drinks a lot. Howard asked when he got off the wagon. David said people are going to be cruel with this if he talks about it with him. He said it's like society.
David said he's on a different kick now. David said he figured out the game of life. He said that it's the kindness game and love and kindness are the new currency. He said everyone around the world are just trying to get one over on everyone else. He said that you have to be kind and generous to people. David said there are people who take advantage of people and you can't do that. Howard said it sounds like he's not drunk but high. David said that he will smoke a little weed at times. He said he knows people are going to take this and talk about it. He said that's his problem.
Howard said he admires his honesty. He said so many people get sober and then lie about it when they do drink. Howard said that he's not in denial. David said that eventually everyone knows everything. Howard asked if he's concerned about his drinking. David said that he has this new understanding and he was out walking from a club and he saw this drunk guy on the street. He said he wanted to film him and remind himself never to get that way. He said he realized that it was bad and he didn't want to fall into those traps again.
Howard asked what made him start drinking again. David said he felt like when he wasn't being true to himself. He said he never drives when he drinks so that's one thing he's good about. David said he spoke to some people who told him that he shouldn't do this. He said he tries to keep a cap on it.
Howard asked what the girlfriend thinks. David said she's the coolest. He said she supports him. David said she's just cool. He said he didn't want to get into it about her because people will write about this and they'll bring people down. He said that it's a disease that's infecting this country. He said that everyone is mean out there. He said it's really not who we are. David said we need to get back to a place where we support and love each other.
Howard said it does seem that everyone is mean to everyone else on the internet. David said that it's a new revolution. He said it's a new level of humanity that we all have to get to.
Howard asked what it was that someone said about him on the internet. David said there was an article online from a gutter media thing that broke the story about him drinking again. He said they got that right but they got the rehab thing wrong and the day he started drinking wrong. Howard asked if that really matters. David said they said he was drinking at this strip club on a certain day and that wasn't the right day. He said that day he was setting up some friends on a date and helping them fall in love. He said that's magic.
Howard asked if Courteney is cool with it. David said they're all getting along and understanding. He said they're being kind and loving to one another and it's great. He said his new girl is cool and everyone is getting along. Howard said he can understand how it would get to him.
Howard said he's worried about David because he has a problem with alcohol. David said he's going to do what he does. He said he's a responsible person though. He said he's just living his life and trying not to hurt anyone. He said it really has to change. David said the whole world is twisted.
Howard said he heard that he was on a movie and was fired from the movie. David said he wasn't fired for partying. He said they were filming a movie and he shot 3 days on it. David said he went to the set and he was playing a prick. He said he was playing a real asshole character. David said he didn't get a lot of response from the director that he didn't like the way he was playing it. He said the lines weren't coming easily. He said he was playing the scene with Anthony Michael Hall and he was thinking that he would be better for the part than he was. He said he went home and got a call from the director saying that he wasn't feeling the character. David said he told the guy that he thought Anthony Michael would be better for the role and the director agreed so he was dumped from the role. He said the director is a sweet guy. He said that he told the story about being fired and he got caught up in the web of this thing. David said they spoke to the online company before they printed the story but they went ahead with what they had written.
David told Howard he lost his voice after going out singing with his band after doing the club thing. He owns two clubs now. Howard said he thinks that's why he started drinking again. He said he's got two clubs running now and he can't avoid the booze there. Howard asked how many drinks he had when he lost his voice. David said it was probably 4 or 5 drinks of vodka. David said he wasn't stumbling around or anything and he had a driver.
Howard asked if he thinks that Lindsay Lohan should stop drinking. David said that everyone should have love and support. Howard said he loves him. David said he knows he does. Howard said he just wants to be sure he's okay. David said it's okay. Robin said it is not okay. She said that this isn't good for him.
David said he would like to put on a concert with the best music in the world and bring everyone together. He said he wants to do it in Detroit to save Detroit. Howard asked David if he's getting married again. David kept talking about the Detroit thing. Howard asked again and again until David said they don't have any plans to marry.
Howard asked David about what he drank for the first time after 2 years and 4 months and if it was everything he thought it would be. David said he's afraid to be honest. He said that people are too cruel in the world. He said drinking feels good but if you drink too much it feels bad. He said you can screw your life up too. Robin asked if he's drinking every day. David said he's not drinking every day. He said he didn't drink yesterday. He said he has a few drinks when he's at work. He said he doesn't drink on Monday but he works on Tuesday.
Howard asked David about the girlfriend and if he's ever tied her up. David said she doesn't like that. Howard said no one does, you just do it.
David said he shut down his Facebook and Twitter. He said people are just too mean out there. Howard said there are some nice people out there too.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks David is full of shit in many respects. Howard asked what he means. The caller said he's talking about how we have to be kind to each other and all of that but he wants to know how he thinks his alcoholism is going to affect his daughter and how this is going to be kind to her. Howard asked if this guy is mean. David said he is being kind of mean. He said he gets his point though. He said he knows that he has to try to keep it under control. He said he's on his own journey and we're all learning.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he agrees with David and the social media thing. He said that they're so mean online but they'd never be like that in person. Howard said he read about a boxer who hired a private eye and went to the guy's house and told him to say that stuff to his face. The guy broke down crying and issued an apology after that. Howard said people hide behind their anonymity online. The caller said he's worried about David because he doesn't sound good today. David said he blew his voice out singing so that's why he sounds so bad.
Howard said he's glad that he called in today. He said he got an email from him over the weekend and he has to get together with him. David said we're all on the same playing field and they have to love each other. He said looking down on people has to be over. He said we're all pieces of something bigger. He said whatever is up there wants us to be kind. He said once we start doing that things like art and music will get better.
David said he has his problems but he's working on that stuff. He said he's going to therapy and all of that. He said Howard is very honest and that's a great trait he has. Howard said he will call David and check up on him. David said he loves them all. He told them to play the kindness game and spread it. Howard let him go a short time later.
Howard said he hopes he's okay. He said he has a couple of friends who were sober and went back to drinking. He said some are able to control it and some aren't. Howard said only David knows if he can control it. Robin said she's sure they'll know soon if he's able to control it. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Gary said every week Richard comes up with something gay. He said it's either gay or naked. Howard said the hallway and green room look great.
Richard came in and said that he thinks doing it with Jon would be funny. He said you never know until you ask. Howard said you know he's not going to do it though. Howard told Richard to kiss Gary. Richard tried but Gary said he'd choke him if he did. Howard said that Richard should do it with High Pitch Mike. Richard said he can't do that. He said it would be funnier if he did it with Jon. Gary said Richard told him he didn't want to do it with Mike because his mouth has been in some strange places.
Howard asked Jon Hein if he'd be up for it. Jon said absolutely not. He said that idea didn't surprise him but he's not going to do that. Richard said it would be funny though. Howard said he can try to find someone to make out with but it doesn't look like Jon wants to do it. Richard would do it with Jason. Jason said he's flattered but he's not going to do it. Richard said it would be a great bit. He said he doesn't think that Sal would do it. Howard said he bets he would. Gary said Sal has already said he won't do it. Sal told Gary that it's too intimate.
Gary asked Richard if he would taste Sal's load. Richard said he would put his finger in it but not taste it. Howard said that he'll let him sit in if Richard puts his finger up Sal's ass. Richard said he can't do that. Howard said he was done after hearing Richard saying that if he could put a condom on his tongue he would stick it up Sal's ass.
Gary asked Richard if he'll make out with a gay guy from the gay channel. Richard said no. He said he wants to know the person he's making out with. Richard said he knows Jason is a big Metallica fan and maybe he wants to sit in. Jason came back and said he's not going to do it. Howard said they can talk more about this tomorrow. Howard said he wanted to get out of this. Ronnie came in so Howard asked if he would make out with Richard. Ronnie asked what he gets out of it. Howard said he doesn't know. Richard said he'd get a passionate kiss from a friend. Ronnie said he needs more. Richard said he'll jerk him off then. Howard said they'll talk more about it tomorrow. Robin said Richard would blow Howard. Howard asked Richard if he'd do that. Richard said he would but he knows it would never happen so that's why he's saying that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks he's great on AGT but he's annoyed with the other judges. Howard said he can barely stomach their comments at times. He said he feels he should be the only judge at times. The caller said he noticed that Howie is wearing a vest now. Howard said he is so he won't be wearing his anymore.
The caller asked about Mel B and dating Eddie Murphy. Howard said that she will be on the show but it's up to her if she wants to talk about it. Howard said he does enjoy working with those three. He said he has no problem with them. Howard said he did get annoyed with Heidi when she said she wanted to see a comic in Las Vegas that she could take her kids to see. Howard said that's a ridiculous comment. Howard said he explained that to her but she didn't want to hear it. He said this week's Tuesday night show is going to be worth checking out. He went into another live commercial read after that.
Howard asked Robin what country can claim they have the oldest man in the world. Robin said it's one of those little countries you never hear about. Howard said that there is a 123 year old man who lives in Bolivia. Howard said there are also Pepsi flavored Cheetos coming out soon. He said that they must want to drive Jon Hein wild with that.
Howard said he's so sick of the Fantasy Football league that's going on there. He said he has to disband that whole thing. Howard said it's all the guys who are the furthest away from being athletes that are in that whole thing. Howard said it's Jon Hein, Jason and JD who are the best players there.
Howard said that things in Egypt are going crazy. He said that they're heading to a civil war. Howard said now the Muslims there hate us. He said that we need them to support us over there. He said we should keep backing the military since we've backed them until now. Robin said the Muslims will always hate us. She said there's nothing we can do to make them happy. Howard said he and Governor Ventura will handle this when they get elected in 2016.
Howard said he read that they are making breast implants that can be used as bombs. Robin laughed. Howard said that he's not making a joke. He said that's a real thing. Howard said he also read about a guy who had sex with a cat while dressed as a dog. Robin said she read that story last week. Howard said he knew it was a real story. Howard said he's not sure why he dressed like a dog instead of a cat. He said a dog scares a cat.
Robin read about how Sydney Leathers did an appearance at a strip club and it apparently didn't go well. She said that no patrons showed up during the two hours that she was there. Howard said he'd like to know what she was paid for that. Robin said she didn't get naked. She said she might have to rethink her whole strategy. Howard said he doesn't know what she was thinking going to a strip club and not getting topless.
Howard said he was reading about an investigation that's opening up about Princess Diana's death. He and Robin spent a minute talking about that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said it's been 12 years since Hank the Dwarf died. He asked Howard who his favorite 3 Wack Packers are. Howard said Beetlejuice is one of his favorites. He said he was in Breaking Bad. Howard played a clip from Breaking Bad where they inserted Beetlejuice clips. Howard said that was some episode. Howard said Hank was one of his favorites too. He said Jeff the Drunk falling down was great too. Robin said he's asking for his favorite Wack Packers. Howard said Gary the Retard is great and so is Crackhead Bob, Elephant Boy, Sal the Stockbroker, High Pitch Eric... Howard couldn't pick just one. The caller asked if he could get tickets to next week's AGT. Howard said he should come to this week's show. The caller asked if Gary could help him. Gary said he can do it Wednesday. Gary said he can't do it next Tuesday. Gary said he'll take his name and number and call him back.
Robin got back to her news and read about the Yankees and what they're doing to A-Rod. Robin asked if Howard is watching the saga. Howard said this is all about getting rid of his contract. Howard said they'd never bitch about it if he was still at the top of his game. Robin said she's not sure why they're so into doing this. Howard said if they wanted to stop all of this they'd drug test everyone. Howard said there are too many people playing on juice. He said they can't do it. Howard asked Robin what nickname she likes best. She said she likes A-Roid best. Howard said he's probably still getting chicks even after all of this.
Robin asked Howard if he has ever thought about how much money Caroline Kennedy has. Howard said he does. He said that they've diluted the money that the great grandfather made. Howard said there are so many children. Howard said they must not have that much money. That led to Howard doing his Ted Kennedy impression for a few minutes. Robin said that Caroline Kennedy had to disclose her wealth and they had figured she was worth $100-200 million but now they're saying it might be between $250-500 million now. Howard said he'd like to know what she invests in. Robin read about some of the things she's involved with.
Robin read about a company building a very posh building in the city and offering some low income housing in the same building. Robin said they're going to have two entrances into the building so the poor people and rich people won't cross paths. Robin said they staff will be different in both parts of the building. Robin said they're doing this for a tax break on the building.
Robin said Al Jazeera is going online here in the United States. Robin said the network debuts tomorrow. Robin said they'll have a big budget and a thousand journalists. Robin said what they won't have is advertisers.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked why Heidi and Mel B don't like that Comedian, William, on AGT. Howard said he's not sure what's up with that. Howard said Howie went to see the guy do his stand up and he thought he was hysterical. He said 90 percent of his material isn't suitable for TV though. He said he's being hampered by TV. Robin said she really likes that guy. She said Howard hit it on the head with the little girl performing and she felt it was like a pageant. Howard said the kid is talented and has a good voice but it did feel kind of like a pageant to him too. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Robin read about how a bunch of people were attacked by bears across the country. Robin said there have been 7 attacks recently. Robin read about the incidents and asked if the next movie is going to be Bearnado.
Howard said Psych wrote a new song about Robin. He played that for her. Robin got a laugh out of that one. Howard said he loves Robin so much. He thinks he's really in love with her. Howard played a clip of him jerking off to her that was a guy having a very long orgasm.
Robin said it's John Stamos' birthday. She said that he's having a big celebration in a Mexican resort. Howard said John still looks good. He said he must have made a deal with Satan.
Robin read about a Muslim woman in New Jersey who is suing a mall after a security guard asked her to remove her veil that was covering her face. Robin said the guard was fired. Howard said the birkas are dangerous. Howard said you have to be able to identify people to see what they're up to. Howard said he would rule in favor of the security guard. Robin said she's all for religious freedom but the way you dress has nothing to do with that.
Robin read about the stop and frisk laws that were a big topic last week. Robin had some audio of Ray Kelly talking about how that program saves lives. Howard said that they should keep it going. He said people should chill out. Robin said she had to grow up in a neighborhood like that and she got the impression something was wrong with her. Howard said he would have given anything to have stop and frisk in his neighborhood when he was growing up. Robin said you can't take away her freedoms. Howard said he will tie her up and take away her freedom. Robin just laughed.
Robin said we may take away Egypt's aid away. Howard said that's going to lead to more chaos. Robin had some audio of someone talking about the said and how they're going to discuss taking it away this fall. Howard said he has a plan with Governor Ventura to drop a dome over Egypt so they are confined to that one area. He said that problem would be solved. Robin said they'll die if they do that. Howard said that is one problem with the plan.
Robin read about the Marine Corp going after 18 people in the service who have posted ads seeking sex. Howard said that they do have a code of conduct. Howard said they can't just do that. Howard said they should just do what he does and beat that meat.
Robin read about the mayor of San Diego who won't step down even after being accused by 14 women of sexual harassment. Howard said he'd like to know who the teacher was for the sexual harassment class he too. He said that he thinks that he was cured in one week. Robin said they have a bunch of people who are trying to get people to sign a recall election on this guy.
Robin read about how 2/3 of American's are obese. Robin said the rates have doubled in the past 30 years. Robin said that they say that the rates are finally stabilizing. Robin had some audio of a woman talking about that.
Robin read about Lindsay Lohan sitting own with Oprah Winfrey and talking to her about her latest rehab and more. Robin had a couple of clips from the interview that she had Howard play.
Robin read about a broadcaster who is talking about his son allegedly murdering his girlfriend. Robin also read about Oscar Pistorius and how things are moving along and he should be charged in court today with murder charges.
Robin read a little more news and wrapped up. They were done with the show around 10:30am.
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Jon asked Keegan how he's doing. Keegan said he's doing great. Keegan is a big fan of the Stern Show so he was kind of bummed hearing Jason Dufner on the show last week. They asked him who he likes the most and who he dislikes. He said he likes Sal and Richard and he dislikes Benjy. He said he has a hard time saying anything negative about the show though. He said he really enjoys it.
Richard said he bets that Scott would make out with him to play a round of golf with him. Scott said he would not. He said he wouldn't even grab his ass to do that. Keegan said that he'll play a round with Scott even if he doesn't.
Gary said that Keegan is a big fan of the show and he has been asking people to Baba Booey him at the game. Keegan said that he really wanted them to yell it out for him and he encourages it. He said that Ian Poulter is going to get it bad now that he's said something about it on Twitter. Keegan said he loves it and encourages it himself though. He said he knows they'll hear it a lot of he plays with Scott. Richard said that someone had a great idea for Gary to go to the tournament in New Jersey and just yell out ''Me! Me!''
Gary asked if the PGA guys ask him to say anything about it. Keegan said he thinks it's great and it's gotten really crazy over the past month. He said now it's every shot. He said he gets like 300 a hole and a lot of them are references form the show that no one would get. He said they'll yell out Darth Nihilus and things like that.
Keegan said that his publicist thinks that he should take Howard's name off his profile on the PGA web site because he doesn't think it's good for him. Keegan said he's very proud to be a fan of Howard's though so he refused to let them take it off.
Keegan said that the Baba Booeys don't distract you because they wait until you've already hit the ball. He said that doesn't throw you off. He said if you're already off them you're in trouble. Keegan said that if one person yells it can throw you off. He said if it's everyone yelling it's not that distracting.
Keegan said he gets the yells all over the world. He said that he got it over in Scotland. He said it was around the time Howard did his golf video and people were screaming it there so he's encouraging people to do it more.
Jon asked Keegan what he thinks about Howard claiming to hit the ball 300 yards. Keegan said if anyone can do it Howard can. He said he couldn't see where the ball ended up but it would be very difficult to hit a ball that far.
Keegan said that he loves Big Foot on the show. He said he loves Crazy Alice too but he hasn't heard from hear lately. Gary said he's not sure what she's up to.
Jon took a call but the guy wasn't there. Jon said that sounds like what happened with Robin this morning. Gary said that the box they use to transmit to the show was fried. He said today was a prime example of how Scott the Engineer moves at the same rate no matter what's happening. Jason said that Scott used to be really far from the studio at K-Rock but now he's right next to the studio. Jason said that Scott shuffles to the studio in slow motion.
Gary said Robin was on the phone for the first two hours and considering what was going on they recovered nicely. Gary said he expected Howard to really freak out and he can't blame him. He said Robin was on the phone and it was rectified by 7:40 or so.
Keegan said that coming up there you see how close everyone is in the office. He said he got to meet Scott who just waved from a distance. He said he didn't go into the studio though. Not before the Barclay's tournament. He said he loves when Howard gets on people there. Gary said he heard that someone was at an Allman Brothers concert recently and they had a technical problem. When it happened some guy just yelled out ''Scott!'' They had to go to break a short time later.
Will came in and said he was afraid that he had screwed up when he let him know that Dufner was going to be on. Keegan said he turned on the radio and he saw the title of the segment and it was about Dufner being the PGA Champion and it was a bummer.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he loves watching Keegan play. He asked if he's ever cranked one out to the show. Keegan said he's a big fan but he's not sure he's ever done that. Will said he doesn't need to if you've ever seen his girlfriend.
Jon and the guys asked Keegan about the Dufner interview and how he thought that went. Keegan said he thought that he would be great on the show if he was just himself. He said for the most part that's what he thought he did. Jon and the guys spent a few more minutes talking to Keegan and then went to break.
Gary said they once had a hermaphrodite on the show and they saw what he had and this was much worse. Scott said it was huge and it looked like the size of a forearm. He said he thinks that they have to keep chopping. He said there's still too much stuff there. Scott said the thing was dripping too so that was gross. Gary said that the footage Howard saw was actually footage from their show, not from the TLC show. Gary said they were sopping up the mess down there in the green room. Jon said that Howard was cringing the whole time and you could hear it in his voice.
Jon said that Wesley got to play Guess Who's The Jew which is a game they haven't played in a long time. Gary said that they had a couple of games on hand so Fred was ready to go. Scott said Fred came up with some jokes pretty quickly today. He didn't know that Wesley had requested to play the game ahead of time.
Jon said they had a good time playing that game. Gary said Fred once put on the full uniform and did it in front of 16,000 people in Nassau Coliseum.
Keegan said that he saw Fred on his way out and he's a big fan. He said that he feels like he grew up with the show and he loves that. He said it's cool to hear Howard talking about how important Robin is to the show. He said that it shows how Howard doesn't just think it's him and it's the whole crew that makes the show.
Jon asked Keegan if he got to meet JD. Keegan said he got to see a lot of what goes on back there. He said it's so cool. Gary said he brought Keegan back there and he knows that JD can sense when someone is out there. Keegan said that he was big timing him back there. He said it was kind of cool. He said he's not sure he knew who it was though.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he was watching the AGT show and Howard said he has to get up at 4am and saying that's why he was grumpy. He said he respects Howard but he didn't think he was being cool about that. Gary said he thinks that he was just letting the other judges know that he has two jobs.
Jon asked Gary what he thought about the judges showing up to his party an hour and 15 minutes late. Gary said they have to know better than that. He said that's just not cool. Will said he thinks that it's a passive aggressive move on their part. They had to end the show a short time later. They were done at 11:15am.
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Howard started the show talking about how Robin's microphone might not be working. He said that they have a couple of people coming in today. One of them is John Legend who will be performing live. Howard said his girlfriend is hot and she's giving him the ultimatum of marry me or I'm gone. Howard said that he thinks a lot of guys hit the road when they get that ultimatum. Robin said that they should move on if they don't want that. Robin said that if a woman has to work too hard for the marriage then you shouldn't give in. Howard said they might be hard to satisfy for the rest of their life.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what he thinks about dating a prostitute. Howard asked if he's doing that. The guy said he thinks he is. Howard said he doesn't know. He said the movie Pretty Woman is a good commercial for it but there is something wrong with a woman who is a hooker. He said it's indicative of her entire attitude and upbringing. He said some might be able to change their ways but he would recommend against it. The guy said it doesn't bother him that she's getting it from other guys all day. He said he's one step away from being a wack packer himself. Howard said that's what he thinks about it. He said that if it's Julia Roberts who is his hooker then it's going to be good.
Howard took a call from Tommy in Malden who said that Mel B was on the Today show hosting and she was all nipples. Howard said he didn't see it. Tommy asked if that was the day he was supposed to host. Howard said he was. He said he was going to fill in for Matt Lauer but he found out that Mel B was going to be filling in too. Howard said he thought it was a big deal until he heard she was going to be on and Elvis Duran was going to be on Friday. Howard said it turned out to be an every day occurrence. He said it's not as special as he thought it would be.
Tommy asked whose idea it was to have a Wrap Up Show after the specials. Howard said they had a meeting about it and he thought it was a good idea when someone brought it up.
Howard took a call from Melrose Larry Green who told a joke that only he laughed at. Howard hung up on him and took a call from Eric the Actor.
Howard said Bobby Rude made another statement about Eric. Eric hadn't heard it yet. Howard played the clip and Bobby was saying that he'd fly Eric to the show and he'll make him a manager if he really wants to. He said all he has to do is get to Bound for Glory. Bobby said when the show is over he's going to kick his ass to shut him up once and for all. He said when he's done with that he's going to get a bunch of balloons and tie them around his body and kick him into the sky and watch him float back to his disgusting apartment and disgusting bed. Bobby told him to take it or lose it.
Eric said he doesn't intimidate him. He said he'd like to be there but he's not sure that offer is the way he wants to go in. Howard said Bobby is going to take a guy in a wheelchair and kick his ass. Howard said he has the mobility of a stuffed animal and this guy is going to beat the crap out of him.
Eric said he doesn't live in an apartment. He lives in a house. Howard said he knew that. Eric said he also happens to be a wheelchair athlete. He said he played Wheelchair baseball, soccer and bowling. Howard said his body isn't fully useable though. He said it would be easy to kick his ass.
Howard said he's a wheelchair athlete too. Howard said he didn't know Eric was too. He said he bets Eric didn't know he was one. Howard said he can only play against disabled people to be good. Howard said he just gets up and uses his legs when he has to. He said he does that in basketball. He said he's like Superman that way. Howard said he does cheat but he wants to win. Robin said a lot of people are doing that these days.
Eric said he agrees with Howard on what he was saying about Heidi's comments about the comedian. Eric said there are hardly any comedians who are child friendly.
Howard said he doesn't believe that Eric is a wheelchair athlete and competitive. Howard said he might be in the worst shape ever and he can't imagine him playing unless he's playing against guys with CP. Howard asked if he has video of him playing. Eric said he has photographs. Eric said he might have a game or two that they taped. He can't remember. Eric said they stuck him wherever he wanted to be. Howard said ''stuck'' is the key word.
Howard asked how he hits with a baseball bat. Eric said he hit off a baseball tee. Howard said he could do that. He said he should get into that. Eric said he had a contraption where they had an electric bat that was hooked to a car battery so the bat would swing for you. Howard said that's barely baseball then. Eric said some people used a baseball bat and a tee.
Howard said he is playing a game. Robin said that he's just hitting a button. Howard said life's a bitch. He said he likes that Bobby Rude is going to beat Eric up. Robin said that Eric should take him up on his offer so we can see what happens. Howard said when Bobby sees this guy he's going to get on his knees and cry.
Eric said he's met him twice and he's never beat him up. Howard said that it is a funny thing. He said he'd like to see that.
Eric asked if Gary got his voice mail. Gary said he did and they're very boring. He said he'll pull them for Howard because he knows he'd like that. Eric asked if they're there next week. Howard said he thinks so. Gary said they're not there. They're off for the week.
Eric was wondering because he wants to do the act-off thing with Jeff the Drunk. Howard said that they'll do that in a couple of weeks.
Howard said that he wanted to try to make people's lives earlier by doing away with the tolls going out to Jones Beach. He was going to do this if he was elected as New York governor. Howard said he was going to fill potholes at night and he was at 22 percent in the polls after announcing those things. Robin said the overnight construction thing went through actually. Howard said Governor Patacki did that when he gave him his voters. Howard said he would run a campaign based on that kind of thing. He said he'd make sure your cable runs. He said he's going to work 24/7 to make sure the cable is safe.
Robin said she thought that Fairfield County had smart people living in it but that woman didn't come across so smart. Gary said that was just one woman who called and the police chief said that they were tying up the lines with the calls.
Howard said Richard Simmons is now on one of the shopping channels and selling jewelry. Howard said he loves Richard but he jumps on everything. He said he's one of the better motivaters and gives sound advice about diet and exercise. He said he knows how to motivate and build into it. Howard said the guy can't overlook an opportunity to sell you something. Howard said the stuff they sell is usually awful looking and gaudy. He said that he just heard the tapes and hasn't seen this stuff yet. Howard said the hosts of these shows are the worst. He said they're the kind of people who should be working in Alaska.
Howard played a clip of Richard explaining why he's selling this collection. He said that he thinks that everyone has a jewel inside of them. Richard was also talking about how you have to let the people you love be your love dove. Richard started to break down crying as he was explaining this love thing. Howard said you have to love him. Robin said she's sick of the crying. She said that it's so over. Howard said he does that every 5 seconds during this clip. Howard said he never really cries though. He just pauses and makes the crying sound and then he's fine.
Howard played a clip of Richard talking about how he loves animals and sings a couple of lines about how much he loves them. Robin asked if they sell anything on that channel. Howard said he thinks they had to return it all.
Howard said they talk about guardian angels on the show too. Howard said they think everyone has one. Howard said he doesn't have one. Richard said that everyone does and the host agreed. Howard said he doesn't have anyone praying for him.
Howard said it would be the best if they cut in and find Richard in a mental institution in a straight jacket. Howard played more of the guardian angel clip. Richard started to sing about the guardian angel thing. Howard was laughing. Howard said Robin has to come up with some crap like this to sell her book.
JD said that Richard was in a purple suit. He said that's his favorite color. Howard asked why he wasn't in his short shorts. He said that's what he usually wears.
Howard said JD should dress like that. He said he should improve his wardrobe. Howard asked if it was the ugliest shit he's ever seen. JD said it was. He said he had the guardian angels thing and the animal thing. Howard said that he must just put his name on that shitty jewelry. Howard said he should do something like that and sell that kind of shit to people. He stopped himself from saying ''rip people off.''
Howard said he'd be up front with people and talk about how shitty the stuff is. Howard said he would tell them that the shit is so beautiful and it's from the diaper collection.
Howard played more audio of Richard talking about the guardian angel thing and talking about the afterlife. He said that everyone who passes away become guardian angels for children. Howard said he'd like to know at what age they cut them off. JD said he said that you become the angel for up to 7 kids. Howard said when he dies that's what he has to do? He said he doesn't want 7 kids. Howard asked if that's voluntary. JD said he'd have to ask Richard. Howard wondered if everyone like Charles Manson becomes a guardian angel.
Howard played another clip where Richard was talking about children and got emotional again. Howard said he likes the host better than Richard. He asked if she's hot. JD said she is cute. Howard asked if she had big tits. JD said they were decent sized. Howard saw a picture of her and said she is kind of cute. Howard said he saw Richard's suit too. He said he looks like what it would look like if a woman had to wear a suit. Howard said it looks like this host is loving it.
Howard said this is the sparkle by Richard Simmons collection. Howard asked if they have anything cool. JD said it's all jewelry.
Howard played more of the clip where Richard starts fake crying. Howard asked if he had any tears. JD said he didn't see any. He said he would start to cry but then he'd be back to being fine after a few seconds.
Howard played more of Richard breaking down and fake crying. Richard was talking about people being like angels to him. Robin said that this is ridiculous. Richard was talking about how people write to him and treat him so good. He said people put their arms around him. Howard said even the host gets annoyed. JD said you could hear him blowing his nose during some parts of the show when he was off camera and the host was talking. Howard played more of the audio and you could hear Richard blowing his nose.
Howard said he won't come on this show but he goes on Playboy radio. Gary said he has spoken to Corey and he does want to come in but he's saying it won't be until the fall. Howard played some of the audio of Corey talking about his Corey's Angels and what the whole thing is about. Howard said that this whole thing is developing as they speak. The people on the show were making suggestions for him like he'd never thought of them himself. Corey was talking about how the girls he has have to be talented. Howard said they must have to be able to give a BJ and do other things at the same time.
Howard said this sounds like what Eric wanted to do with girls living with him. He said Corey is actually pulling it off though.
In another clip Corey was talking about how they sell tickets to the public and it's a private membership club. He said that they do management as well. Corey said that they manage the girls and he'll give his attention to them all the time. Corey said they find girls and focus on them and build a profile for them on the web site and they showcase their talent. Robin said she thinks this is outrageous. Howard played more of the audio and Corey said that they're giving the public the chance to mingle with these women. Howard said Corey has it all worked out. He said it sounds like he came up with it in two seconds.
Howard played more of Corey talking about this thing and talking about how it all works. Robin said she sees this as a TV show. Howard said now she's thinking like Corey. Howard said they do everything there at Corey's Angels. Howard said he is thinking of signing with Corey's Angels himself. Robin said he'd have to be an angel in training. Howard said he can juggle.
Howard said that's good for Corey. He said he thinks it can only turn out for the best. He said it sounds like a gem of an idea.
Howard played a clip where Corey talked about the Feldmansion. He said they're going to have a party there. There were only 50 tickets available. He said nothing sexual is going on there. It's just people having a good time. Howard asked what the fuck is going on there. He said he has bottle service there for the guests. Howard laughed as he was talking about how he only has 50 tickets.
Howard said he wants a ticket to just see what's going on there. Howard said he has 285 followers on Twitter. Robin said he's growing by leaps. Howard said he has to make a buck. Why not? Robin said someone has to do this kind of thing. Howard said he has to take a break. He said that was pretty funny. Howard said he's sure the girls are hot. He said he does get hot chicks. Howard said he thought he was married. Robin said he was but that didn't work out.
JD told Howard that the chicks are hot. He said Corey doesn't mess around. Howard said they should have sent JD to the Feldmansion. JD said he's not sure what kind of opportunities he could give the girls. Howard said he could get them on the Howard Stern Show. He said that's not a crazy idea.
Howard did his JD impression and said maybe he could get them on the show or get them a Shittens commercial. Howard said he could tell them that they can wipe Richard's asshole. Howard went to break after that.
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Howard said that this kid dropped by and his name is Alex Xander. Howard asked if he's a millionaire. Alex said it doesn't matter. He said that he invented the Super Looper airplane. Howard said he used to see those things on the street and then in the stores. Alex said that he did help get them into stores. He said he's sure he could help with Shittens too. Howard asked how he got the plane into the stores. Alex said that the plane was out in the 50s and he saw it around so he brought it back. He said he revamped it and made them with a different material. He said they gave it some branding and put it in stores. He said they were great sellers too. Alex is only 19 years old.
Howard asked if he still lives with his parents. Alex said he does. Howard said that shows he's not a real millionaire. Alex said he has his own office and he spends a lot of time there at the office so if he moved out he wouldn't see his parents so much. He said he has a nice office where he can bang chicks.
Howard said Alex came up with an idea to throw parties and he threw one on the Manhattan bridge. Howard said he has to go to court over that. Alex said that it's social media and word of mouth when it comes to that. He said that you can spend a ton of money on advertising but it has to be word of mouth. Howard asked how many people showed up. Alex said that it was clear that it was around 1000 people. He said the cops say it was 200 people. Howard said it doesn't seem like a great place for a party.
Howard asked where they got the music from. Alex said they got a generator from Home Depot and they got a sound system and walked it right onto the bridge. He said they were on the walkway and they had lights already. He said they just needed the sound.
Howard asked when they started. Alex said they did it from 9pm until 1am. He said they wanted to go until Sunrise but they didn't make it that long. Howard said they could cause accidents by doing this. Alex said they asked him about that on Good Day New York. He said the people there should be responsible for themselves. He said he didn't bring any booze there. He said that all he did was bring the music.
Howard asked how many of these he's done. Alex said he thought it was only 5 but it's actually 7. He said that he does this for the kids who can't go to clubs and stuff. He said that he thinks that we should all help each other and love. Howard said he sounds like David Arquette.
Alex said that they're on the bridge and it's a place where you don't care about the kind of people who are at the clubs. He said everyone is welcome at one of these parties. Howard said they don't turn anyone away. Alex said the only reason they'd do that is because of space limitations.
Howard said this kid has a lot going on for a 19 year old. He said he must get a lot of pussy. Alex said he has a beautiful girl now and he's had her for about half a year. He said she's really pretty. He said this is his first girlfriend. Howard said he can see him getting laid a lot. Alex said that he took out his girl the first few times in a Honda Civic. He said you have to do the test to make sure she's not into money. He said that he acts like a 19 year old student. Alex said that he waits until he feels it's right to bring out the Maserati. Howard said that he's like Superman that way.
Howard asked if he has to get a lawyer for this case. Alex said his sister is a lawyer and he has a friend who can help too. He said he's hoping to get he misdemeanor charges reduced. Howard said that he has also used fields and things to have parties in. Alex said they've done it in airport hangers and on boats and stuff.
Howard asked how he finds out about this stuff. Alex said they have a Facebook page and things like that. Howard said he wants to hang out with these kids.
Howard said you can find out more at Facebook.com/TheXanderExperience. Howard said you can find out about the parties there. Alex said that new people have to be told where the party will be but that's spread by word of mouth.
Alex told Howard about how he went to the toy fair at the age of 16 and he had to write a letter to the people running the fair to let him in. He said they didn't want anyone under the age of 18 there. Howard asked if he runs a factory in China. Alex said he does. He said he was just there for like 3 weeks. He said he has a huge space there and the prices aren't so bad. Alex said that it was like $30,000 for the year to rent the space. Howard said that sounds great. Alex said he can get so much done over there for such a reduced cost. He said that it gets done quickly and much cheaper than it does here in the States.
Howard asked what else he has going on. Alex said he has a thing called a Wallet Ninja. He said it fits in your wallet. He didn't have it on him. He said it's like 16 tools in one and its the size of a credit card. He said it's TSA approved too so you can take it on a flight. Someone brought it in so Howard checked it out. Howard said this kid is only 19 and he's some entrepreneur.
Howard said Alex made his first thousand bucks at the age of 11 when he sold a video of how to do a levitation trick. Alex told Howard they were selling the video for 100 bucks each and they sold like 10 in a week.
Howard asked Alex about his upbringing and how his parents feel about his arrest. Alex said that his parents are from Russia so they're not happy about the arrest thing. He said they were worried about him being arrested so he didn't go home that first night. He said he had a nice two page spread in the paper the next morning and they figured it was something special. Howard asked if he helps his parents with money. Alex said of course he does. He said he supports people who have supported him over the years.
Howard asked if his girlfriend models. Alex said she has. He said she's 22 years old. Howard asked where the pictures are of her. He said forget this contraption he has. He wants to see the girlfriend.
Howard asked if he has an above average penis. Alex said he thinks so. He said he's got more than 6 inches. Howard asked if he's 9 inches. Howard said every kid has measured. Alex said he doesn't know how big it is. Howard said he's 6'5'' tall and he only has 1 inch. Howard said he's sick of these kids. He said this kid flaccid is bigger than him hard.
Howard said he can't figure out why he's throwing these parties. Alex said Howard does charity so it's kind of like that. He said he can spend 2 grand in a club on some drinks or he can spend that same money on a party where 1000 people show up.
Howard said he heard that Alex was told that Howard Stern was in jail in the same cell that he was in. Howard said he has never been to jail or arrested. Howard said that he's not sure what story they told him. Alex said that he was told that Howard Stern was in the same cell and so was Mike Tyson. Howard said there are stories about him but they're just not true. Howard said he has met like 50 guys who went to college with him but he never met them before.
Alex said he was told that Mike Tyson and Howard Stern were in that cell. Howard said he thinks that Steve Brandano worships this kid. Alex said he's not one to be worshiped. He said John Legend is. Alex said he's just throwing things in a million directions. Howard told Alex to get working on a party at the Statue of Liberty. Alex said he has thought about that. He said he has to watch what he's doing though.
Alex said the cops have told other promoters to cancel stuff if he has anything to do with it. Howard said that they do have rules so you have to be careful.
Howard said that he's not into having fun himself. He said he doesn't like nonsense. Howard tanked Alex for coming in and gave him another plug for his Facebook page. They went to break after that.
Howard said JD didn't hate that kid. He figured he would have. Howard said he thought he'd be upset but he wasn't. JD said he was ''whatever'' with him. He said he basically scammed people out of money with that levitation video. Howard said that you're out a hundred bucks with that video. Howard said he doesn't need a kid doing that to him. Howard said he heard JD bought that video. JD said he didn't.
Howard said the American Family Association used to raise money to go after him. Howard said now the guy who runs it thinks that Obama is being photoshopped into pictures that he wasn't actually in. Howard said now they just come up with these wacky theories. Howard said people used to take them seriously when they were coming after him. Now they've got these weird theories.
Howard played a clip of the head of the AFA talking about a picture he saw where he thinks that Obama was Photoshopped into. He said he looks hunched over and small in the picture where they were watching the Osama bin Laden video.
Howard said this is the ridiculousness of the American Family Association. Howard said they wanted to get him off the air and they would raise money trying to do it. Howard said that they have nothing to say other than the President possibly being Photoshopped into a picture.
Howard said David Arquette called in yesterday and talked about how he's drinking again. Robin asked if there was any fallout from that. Howard said he doesn't know about that. Howard said that David was sober for 2 and a half years. He didn't feel like himself during that time. Howard said David was also talking about how nice people have to be to each other. David is now offering Wesley Warren, the big ball guy, 8 round trip tickets to his doctor appointments. Howard said that David is giving Wesley, in an act of kindness, this help. Howard said that's very nice of him. Robin said that she really likes David and she wishes him well.
Howard said Tan Mom is back in show business after quitting for 3 days. Howard said that they gave her a gift bag when she was there and they got a note from Gina at GR Media and she said that she used the lube and she didn't need to have sex. She said that Tan Mom loves the lube that they gave her.
Bobo said he's going to AGT tonight. Howard said he heard he missed it last Wednesday because he had to go to the hospital. Bobo said he was having pain in his stomach that was intensifying. He said it could have been a kidney stone. Howard cut him off and said he has to go. Howard said no one wants to hear that. Howard said he has a whole story but he doesn't want to hear it.
Howard said he sees Bobo hanging out there next to Mariann and High Pitch Eric. Howard said he sees them at every show. Howard said they're his cheering squad. Howard said you can hear Eric yelling out the whole time. He's yelling out to Heidi. Howard said he should be screaming out his name since he got him his tickets, you fat fuck.
Howard said that he yells and he can't project his voice. He did an impression of him yelling and asking Heidi to move so he can see Howard. Howard said that he actually likes seeing them there. He said Joey Kola introduces them to the crowd when he's doing his warm up. Howard said Heidi has no idea who Eric is and she doesn't pay any attention to him yelling out her name.
Howard said that someone said Baba Booey during a San Diego Padres game. Howard played that but the guy said Bobby Booey.
Howard said Big Foot has a girlfriend. He said he has some audio of that to play. He said he has audio of Robbie Knievel talking about his drinking problem. Howard played that clip and Robbie sounded like he might be out of it during that call. Robbie said he was drunk when he hit a couple of motor homes with his own. Robbie said that he does drink. This was from TMZ Live. Howard said that he admits he drinks and he doesn't seem to care. Robbie said he loves Whiskey. He said he goes to the shopping mall and watches people all day.
Howard said he has a bunch of stuff to play. Howard said he has some songs about Robin. Robin asked if they've heard enough of those already. Howard said no way. Howard said someone slowed down the song Jolene by Dolly Parton so it sounds like a guy singing and it's pretty good. Howard played the audio of that slowed down song. Howard said it sounds good. Howard played the regular speed song and compared the two. Howard said it works.
Howard said Ronnie has a hit song out. He played the song ''Jew Bastard'' where they took clips of him and turned it into a rap song. Howard asked Robin what she thinks. Howard said he thinks it's as good as Jay Z. Robin just laughed.
Howard played a song about Robin called ''Golden Rear.'' Robin said she liked that one. She thought it was cute. Howard said another guy took clips of the Brony guy and put them in with Robin so it sounded like they were having sex. They had a few different ones like that with Robin and the horse guy and Robin and David Lee Roth.
Howard said he has a song called ''Unchained Sodomy'' about Robin. He played that for her. Howard said that guy is Matt Evans. Robin said she wasn't impressed. Howard said he might be able to impress her with something else. Howard said she could be a Corey's Angel.
Howard played a new song for her about Guatemala. Robin got a laugh out of that one. Robin said she was impressed by that one by Tony Daniels.
Howard played another song and Robin liked that one from Psych. Howard played her a few more and asked her what she thought. Robin thought the next one from DJ Dayone was a good one. Howard had another one from Matt Evans that Robin liked. Howard said he has one more from Matt too. He thought that was impressive too. Robin laughed. Howard said he had to take a break after that. Howard said John Legend is coming in after the break. Howard said he's going to perform a song live in there. Howard said they had a Chinese guy in there tuning the piano for them first thing this morning.
Gary said that John is going to do a new song and also a cover of Dancing in the Dark that he has done before. Howard said he saw him do that song. He said it's really good. Howard said he saw his girlfriend online last night and she's really hot. Howard said she's constantly naked from what he's seen in the pictures. Howard said she's a keeper. They went to break after that.
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Howard came back and said that John Legend is there. Howard said he just sat down at the piano and started playing at the age of 4. Howard asked if he was a child prodigy. John said he had to take lessons so it didn't just come to him. He said he was able to learn it pretty quickly though. John said that they had a woman who taught him how to play. He said he played mostly by ear though. John said that most pop musicians don't know how to read music.
Howard asked John when he became better than the teacher. John said he quit taking lessons around 9 or 10 and he kept going from there. He said he wasn't better than her at the time. Howard asked if it's something genetic. John said some of it is but some of it is nurture.
Howard said John got scholarships to a bunch of schools. Howard asked what he got on his SAT. John said he thinks it was 1400 out of 1600. Howard said he doesn't think he broke 1000.
Howard asked if he was home schooled. John said he was for a few years. He said that was kind of weird. Howard asked why they did that. John said that his parents were really religious. He said they sometimes do it to shelter their kids from the world. He said that hey don't want them to learn evolution and things like that.
Howard told Jason that was enough with the pictures. He said he's distracting him now. John said he's used to it. Howard said he's not.
Howard asked John if his parents were musicians. John said they were in church a lot so he was around those people playing music.
Howard asked if he ever got into fights and stuff as a kid. John said he didn't really. He said after his parents divorced he had enough angst. Howard said he's a good looking dude and he must have gotten a lot of chicks early on. John said he started high school at 12 so he was younger than the other kids in his class. He said he skipped some grades because of home schooling. John said the girls weren't into younger boys.
Howard asked John if he reads books and things. John said he does read some books. He said he reads more non-fiction than novels. Howard said to have a superior intelligence must be nice. John said Howard is richer than he is. He said there's something to say there. Howard said that he had trouble with Math and he had a friend who wondered how he couldn't see how to solve a problem. Howard said he wanted that stuff to be obvious to him. He said the world is your oyster when you know that stuff.
John said a lot of that stuff comes from parenting and some of it is in you. He said that you can improve things by working on them.
Howard asked John if he started writing songs at 9. John said he did. He said he would watch a lot of shows and think that he was going to be on those shows eventually. He said he believed but didn't know for sure he'd be on them.
Howard asked how he knew not to join a group. John said he may just be vain. Howard said that Paul Simon had trouble being on stage himself so he teamed up with Art Garfunkel. John said he would get into a group and he felt like he was being held back. He said he felt better on his own.
Howard said John would sing in Acapella groups in college. John said he did. Howard said you must not get laid doing that. John said that it was kind of cool in ivy league schools. He said it is pretty dorky though.
Howard asked what the name of the song was that he wrote at the age of 9. John said he really doesn't remember. He said he did write one song called ''I Want to Make You Mine'' around 10 or 11. He said that it was really childish. He sang some of it to Howard and Howard thought it sounded pretty good. Howard said it was kind of Stevie Wonder-like. John said he was a big influence on him. He said he loves gospel music too. He said he loves having more freedom to say whatever he wants in his songs.
Howard asked how many Grammys he's won. John said he's won 9. Howard asked if he writes a speech ahead of time. John said that he wishes he had the first time. He said he won Best New Artist and Best Vocal Performance and he forgot to mention some people when he was on stage.
Howard said John has a new album coming out. That album is called ''Love in the Future'' and it's coming out September 3. Howard asked how many albums he's sold. John said it's probably 9 or 10 million. Howard said years ago that would have been more like 30-40 million. John said that's true. He said he would have made more money but he's pretty happy with that. John said that people downloading for free is stealing but what are you going to do at this point. He said it's just too easy.
Howard asked John if he met Lauryn Hill when he was in college. John said he was directing a church choir at the time and he had someone introduce him to Lauryn. He said that she was working on her album ''The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill'' at the time. He said he was watching her perform somewhere in New Jersey. Howard asked if he got into her pants. John laughed and said he wasn't even trying. He ended up singing a song for her and covered a Stevie Wonder song and a song he wrote himself. He ended up working with her after that.
John said that he played piano on one of her songs on that album. He said his real name is John Stevens so that's the name that's on the album. He said friends called him ''the legend'' so that's how he got his name.
Howard asked if he has visited Lauryn in prison. John said he hasn't spoken to her much since that song. He said they did a song together in 2004 but he hasn't spoken to her much since then. He said he would like to work with her again though.
Robin asked how they did a song together and didn't talk. John said that it's easy to do something like that today. He said that you can record something and send it along to them and they put a song together.
Howard asked if Lauryn was a weirdo to work with. John said that was before all of this stuff happened. He said that it wasn't weird. Howard said you want to slap her around and tell her to get with it. John said he just wants her to be happy and healthy.
Howard said John was in college and his roommate was Kanye West's cousin. John said that he moved to New York in 2000 and Kanye moved there around the same time. He said his roommate introduced him to Kanye and told him that he should work with him. He said they worked together and they still work together to this day. He said Kanye produced this new album.
Howard asked John how he ended up covering Dancing in the Dark. John said Jimmy Fallon was doing a Bruce Springsteen week and he had worked with The Roots before. He said Questlove called him and asked him to do Dancing in the Dark about 3 days before they wanted to do it. John said he kind of knew the song in passing. He said he didn't know it very well. John said he didn't really grow up listening to Springsteen. John said Questlove wanted to do a jazzy version of the song and he was thinking that he'd hear from Bruce or his people that it was really good. He said Questlove did the arrangement and he felt good about the song. He said he didn't hear from Bruce but several months later he heard from Bruce asking him to play it at a charity event he was doing. He said he figured Bruce definitely liked it if he was asking him to play it at the show.
Howard asked John if he works out and what he lifts. John said he does work out. Howard said he benches 95 pounds. John said he benches 180-ish. Howard asked him to do Dancing in the Dark after that. John went right into the song. It was just John singing and playing piano.
After the song Howard said that was beautiful. He asked if he put that on his new album. John said he didn't but he does perform it live a lot. Howard asked if he gets credit for being a great piano player. John said that he has guys in his band that play better than him. Howard said that his strength is his arrangements. John said he does understand how to play that compliments his voice. He said he plays well to write but there are better pianists than him.
Howard said he thought about how this guy has some life while he was playing. Howard said he has this intelligence to go to a great college and he has a ton of money. Howard asked if he has any adversity. Howard asked what the problem is. John said he's good. Howard asked if he has dry skin or anything. John said he does have secrets. Howard said he hopes he has a small penis. John said he hates to disappoint him. He said he's not going to talk about that but he's not small.
Howard asked if he has to know what a song means to perform it. John said a song doesn't have to mean just one thing. John said that this song sounds like a guy who is a little tortured and he needs some company and some love. Howard asked if he puts himself in a sad state to perform the song. John said he doesn't. He said he likes to sing about that kind of stuff though.
Howard asked if he got laid in college a lot. John said he didn't until he was out of school. He said he wasn't like a stud or anything.
Howard said John's girlfriend is really hot. He said her name is Chrissy Teigen. Howard asked if it's true that she demanded that they get married. John said that she did not. He said she's a very funny girl on Twitter and she was joking about that. He said they already knew the wedding date when she said that. He said she gets into fights on Twitter all the time. Howard asked if she got into a fight with J-Lo. John said she didn't. She did say something about a guy who told everyone to clear the hallway when J-Lo was coming through back stage at a show.
Howard asked John if he's afraid to get married. John said that he's fine. Howard asked if a date is set for the wedding. John said they have and it's pretty soon. Howard asked if he has a pre-nup. John said that's secret. He said that people do need protection though. Howard asked if he's going to take care of everything financially. John said that his accountant takes care of all of that stuff. He said that he won't talk about how it all works. Howard said he pays for everything himself. He said that no one is going to go halves with him.
Howard asked if John will remain faithful after he gets married. John said he will. Howard said it will be difficult for him. John said he's had his share of fun. John said that he has dated some models and he's had his fun. Robin asked if he's had groupie sex and all of that. John said sure he has.
Howard said she's a very beautiful woman. Howard said he saw pictures of her on the internet and she seems to be very comfortable with her body. He said he likes that.
Howard gave John a plug for his new album ''Love in the Future'' and talked to him about the name.
Howard said John wrote this song ''All of Me'' that he's going to perform next. Howard asked how long it took to write. John said that it took a few hours. Howard asked if that's how quickly the good songs come to him. John said sometimes they do. John said he wrote this one with another writer and they do that often to vibe off each other. He said they just started trying some things and that's how it came to be.
John said his manager told him to write a song about this subject and that's what he ended up doing. He told Howard that he wrote about a woman and her flaws and things like that. Howard asked what flaws his fiancee has. John said she has none. Howard said they'll talk to him again in a few years and he's sure he'll have a list then. Howard had John perform the song ''All of Me'' after that.
After the song Howard said it must be great that he can sing his own songs. He said he's blessed that way too. John said he really is blessed. He said he has no argument there. Howard said there are a lot of people who have to hire someone to sing for them. Howard said Burt Bacharach was one. John said that he made a lot of money writing songs so he did just fine.
Howard asked if he sang that song for his girlfriend after writing it. John said he went home and sang it for her and she cried when she heard it. Howard asked if she gave him oral after hearing it. John laughed.
Howard asked Robin if he's husband material for her. Robin said he's a little young for her. Robin said she'd cry too. Howard said she'd give him oral too.
Howard gave John some more plugs and asked if he does anything weird like being a Brony or being into Steampunk. Howard asked if he watches porn. John said that's not that weird to watch porn. Howard said he just did it last night. Howard gave him a plug for his web site JohnLegend.com and wrapped up the interview. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard said he thought that Robin was hot for the guy. Robin said he's very talented and brilliant. She asked what's not to like.
The caller asked if that version of the song is available anywhere. Howard told him to send him a dollar and he'll send him a copy. Howard let the caller go after that.
Howard said he has to do AGT pre-taping this afternoon and it's going to be a long day. He said he needs to get his life back.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Chrissy Teigen is a super model or just a model. Fred said that she's just a model. He said that she was in Sports Illustrated but that's just one part of his criteria. The caller said that Fred's criteria has changed over the years.
Howard said he was reading about Giselle Bundchen making over $42 million a year. Howard said he's not sure what the difference is between her and someone like this Chrissy Teigen. Fred said that she has a twin sister too. Howard said he doesn't understand it. Fred said he heard that Heidi Klum didn't even want to be a model but she was talked into it.
Howard told Fred that he should come by AGT. Fred said he's working on it. He said that they're planning on the 17th. Fred said his daughter has been asking him to go. He said he will bring her. Howard asked why he's waiting. Fred said he's waiting until the live shows started. He said they're traveling tomorrow. Howard asked where he's going. Fred said they're not going to AGT.
Howard did his impression of his mother and said she's a trip. Howard said she won't come down to his house in Florida. He said they want to stay there at home. Howard said his friend Pat just lost his mom and Pat was very close with her. Howard said that he took good care of her. Howard said Pat ran into his mom and he asked her to call her son and tell him she loves him. Howard said he got a call from his mom saying that Pat said he has something to tell her. Howard said she thought that she should call her because he has something to tell her. Howard said she didn't understand why he told her to call. Howard said he thinks that Pat wanted her to call her son to just talk to him. He said his mother asked what the hell that was. She asked why she was calling him and why Pat didn't tell him to call her instead. Howard said he didn't want to get started with her.
Howard said he wanted her to come see America's Got Talent but they said they were there once already, last year, and that was enough. Howard said they don't want to go to Florida either. Howard said they have their routine and that's it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thought John Legend was really good and he seems like a really cool dude. He said he kind of flew under his radar before now. The caller said that sometimes a marriage can change things and his song writing might change. Howard said that he has interviewed many song writers and they need to be in an emotional state to write. He said that they sometimes end up getting divorced because of that. Howard said his girlfriend is super hot though.
Howard said he went on the internet to look her up. He said he saw a naked one in GQ magazine. Howard said you know she's fucking nuts in bed if she doesn't wear panties. Howard said that Joan Rivers asked what she does during her time of the month. She said she tucks her tampon string up her ass.
Howard said he was thinking about David Arquette and the call he made yesterday. Howard said he's the least positive guy and David is talking about being positive. Howard said he should be calling Oprah instead. Howard said that's what he thinks anyway. Robin said that Oprah has done whole shows on that.
Howard said he read a story about a guy who stuck a fork in his penis. Howard read the article and they say that he did this for sexual pleasure. Howard said it was a four inch fork that he stuck in there. Howard said it wasn't visible outside of the penis. Howard said they had to put him out to pull the fork out. Howard said they have an x-ray picture of the fork in the penis. Howard said he cringed while he read that last night.
Howard said that he was thinking about what Lindsay Lohan was saying about only doing coke 15 times. Howard said that she didn't do anything else in her life like that so he's not sure why she did that.
Howard said he was thinking about A-Rod and his contract and how the Yankees are trying to get out of paying him. They spent a minute on that.
Howard said they needed a back up plan for when Robin's microphone isn't working. He said they have come up with a plan and she'll be doing the show via post card if her microphone goes out. Howard said she could do it by Morse Code too. Fred played some Morse Code drops and had a conversation with Howard for a few seconds.
Howard said Perez Hilton and Lady Gaga are getting into it lately and he's not sure what's going on there. Howard asked Benjy what he read about that. Benjy said that Perez was looking at an apartment in her building there in New York and she told him to stop stalking her. He ended up getting death threats over it and things like that. Howard said he doesn't think he cares. He said that is a solvable thing though.
Howard said it was time for news so Fred played Robin in with a new song parody from Eli Braden. Howard said he heard a clip of this guy Tim Armstrong, the CEO of AOL, talking to his people. Howard said this guy knows how to manage. Howard played the clip and Tim was talking to his staff and someone picked up a camera so he told them they were fired and told them to get out.
Howard asked if that guy really got fired. Gary said he's not sure he did. He said that he knows Tim and he must have been having a bad day. He said he felt bad for the guy. Howard said he blows up at times but Gary knows he's joking when he fires him. Gary said sometimes he doesn't.
Howard asked what this thing ''Patch'' was that he was talking about in that clip. Gary said it's about local news that they do on AOL.
Howard said he just found out that the guy is fired but Tim did apologize to the guy. Gary said he knows he apologized. He didn't know he was really fired. Howard said that if he told an employee not to tape and he was taping then he deserved to be fired.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that when he does his parents voices it cracks him up. He said he forgets that he's doing all of the voices at times. Howard went into his mother's voice again. He had a conversation with the caller as his mom.
Robin got to her news and read about another Hollywood person who committed suicide. Robin said his name is Lee Thompson Young. Robin said he was in a Disney show as a kid and he has continued to work over the years. Robin said he was in a bunch of shows including Friday Night Lights. Howard thought it was the TV show but it was actually the movie. Howard said he got a note saying he played Cyborg on Smallville too. Howard said he has seen every episode of that show. He said Clark Kent didn't fly until the last episode though so it was kind of frustrating. He said he was like retarded Superman. Robin said Lee died of a self inflicted gunshot wound.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked why he keeps using condoms if he doesn't want kids. He said he should get a vasectomy. Howard said he's not going to do that. He said that he's read things and said he's afraid that something could go wrong. He said he doesn't want to fuck with any of that shit. He said he likes the condom because it slows him down. He said the condom makes his cock a little bit thicker too. Howard said he wouldn't let Beth go on the pill either. He said there's no reason to take chemicals like that.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that song John did today was great and the first time she heard it she cried. She said that she would have loved to have walked down the aisle during her wedding. Howard asked what she did walk to. She said it was to Cannon in D major. Fred found the song and played it for Howard. Howard said he knows this song. He said Jimmy Fallon had this at his wedding. Howard started making up lyrics to the song as it played. Howard asked the woman how many people threw up to that song. She said none did. Howard asked how old she is. She said that she's 50 years old. She said she doesn't look 50 though. Howard asked if she can still wear a bikini. She said she can. Howard congratulated her on that. He let her go and read a live commercial.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn. She told Howard to imagine she lives in his building. Howard said he would move. Mariann said she has a few things to get off her chest. She said that Joey Kola is great. She said she also loves David Arquette. Howard cut her off a short time later. Howard said he'll talk to her tonight about the rest of that. Howard asked if it's her voice or if she's boring. Robin said she starts to filibuster and it might be the voice too.
Robin read about Oscar Pistorius going to court and he cried this time. Robin said he brought out the tissues and started sobbing about the murder of his girlfriend. Howard said the guy shot her. Robin said he claims that it was an accident but they have a witness that heard a woman screaming before the gun shots.
Robin read a story about an interracial couple that was celebrating an anniversary and they were attacked outside the restaurant they were at. Robin said they left around 1am and one man kissed the woman and anti-gay remarks and racial remarks were made. Robin said she's shocked by that story.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Howard is great with the freestyle and how great he is with the impressions of his mother and father. Howard said if he was stuck inside his head he wouldn't be laughing.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk who said that he wanted to say he believes that Eric the Midget doesn't think that it's serious about him going for the role Eric is going for. Howard said Eric is going to go up against him for the role and he's taking it seriously. Jeff said he has both parts memorized and he's ready. Howard said that will happen very soon.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he had to put his 17 year old cat down on Friday. Howard said that's very difficult to go through. The caller said he wants to get another cat. Howard said he and Beth are so involved in the cat rescue thing. He said he has 9 or 10 kittens in his house. He said it's fantastic. He said the kittens are great. He said that they have a Facebook page called Bianca's Furry Friends and this year they're raising money for this addition to add on to North Shore Animal League. Howard said they're going to have a place for the pets to roam without cages. He said it's been great meeting people and getting involved with the kittens. Howard said he just shot a calendar for North Shore and the money is going toward the addition. He said it's like a $20 donation. He said it's a great cause. Howard said he's caught up in the whole thing.
Robin read a story about Dick Van Dyke having his Jaguar catch fire while he was driving. Robin said that he had to be pulled from his car when it became engulfed in flames. Robin had some audio of Dick talking to TMZ shortly after the fire.
Robin read about this 16 year old girl who was kidnapped by a man who killed her mother. Robin said that the guy left an insurance policy to the mother worth $112,000. Robin said that he intended the money to go to the mother and her children. Robin said that the 16 year old will get the money now.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he goes to AGT every week and gets put in the front row. He said Howard is always right with his comments. He said that Howard tells it like it is. Howard said he's right and thanked him for the call. Robin said she wasn't aware of the ovation Howard gets when he walks in. She said she's not sure why they don't introduce the judges on camera. Howard said it slows the show down. He said he's glad they don't do that. Howard did a live commercial read after that.
Robin was wondering what phone she should get. She said there are a lot of great phones that are coming out. Robin said the new iPhone is supposed to be coming in September. Howard said the new Samsung looks interesting. He said Apple should be offering a bunch of different sizes. Howard said he's sticking with Apple because he's all integrated with Apple products. Howard said he read about the new Samsung and you don't even have to touch the glass to do things. Robin said you can have two apps running on the screen and you don't have to touch it. Robin said they say that they'll have a gold colored iPhone this time. Robin said they say that they'll have a cheaper iPhone as well. Howard said that's good. He said they should have it in 20 colors.
Robin read about some strikes that are happening with the fast food workers who are not happy with their low wages. Robin said the workers are being encouraged to walk off. Robin said they have had strikes in 8 cities already.
Robin read about some pictures of Prince George that they've sent out. Robin said the pictures are awful. Robin said they say the pictures were taken by Kate Middleton's dad. Robin said they should have called Howard to take them.
Robin read about shock therapy and how it's growing in popularity. Robin said they say that some people say it doesn't do more than cause brain damage. Robin said it does appear to work for some people though.
Robin read about bullying and how they say that it can work for the bully. Robin said they say it doesn't have an impact on the lives of the bully. It does on the people who are bullied.
Robin read about a woman who was accused of bludgeoning her husband to death with a coffee mug. Robin said that woman has gotten off and she's now suing the LAPD.
Robin read a story about Alex Rodriguez and how he was ambushed with some piece of paper that he had been asking for from the Yankees and when he got it his attorney just danced around it.
Robin read about Leif Garrett giving some advice to Justin Bieber. Robin said Garrett offered words of caution for Bieber. Robin said he gave Justin some other advice about what people are going to want from him. Howard said he also told him not to age or lose his hair.
Robin read about how Penn State has settled with a couple of families in the Jerry Sandusky case.
Robin whipped through a few more stories and said that Al Jazeera is on the air this week. Robin said they're saying that they'll have 12 U.S. bureaus and many around the world. Howard did his middle eastern voice and said they're doing a show called The Jews Are Worse Than Bad. Howard said he's heard that the news is actually very good on the channel. He said he's never seen it though.
Robin read about what they're saying about the Princess Diana case being reopened. Robin had some audio of a guy talking about the book he wrote about the case.
Robin read about the bear attacks across the country and had some audio of a woman talking about what happened in her neighborhood.
Robin read about how today is the day that people have used up the demands on Earth's natural resources. Robin said that we're using it up faster than it can be renewed so that's something to think about. They ended the show a short time later. They were done around 10:20am.
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Jon took a call from a woman who said that Howard was talking about not wanting a vasectomy. She said that Beth must be around 42 or so. Gary said he's not sure she's 40 yet. The caller said she can't believe that she wants to go through the rest of her life without a child. The caller said she can't believe that. Gary said that is interesting but Robin has said that people can't believe that she doesn't want to have a kid. Gary said he would never say that to someone. Gary said it's a very personal decision. Gary said he knows people who have kids who probably shouldn't. The caller said that Beth is such a loving person. She said she thinks that Beth may want kids eventually like Kathie Lee Gifford did. Gary said that she's making it sound like every person is the same. He said that they may not want to have children.
Gary said that they played a game this year and Howard revealed that he and Beth almost had a kid but they ended up not doing it. Gary said it might still be an issue. They went to break a short time later.
Jon said that John shook everyone's hand there. Gary said that impressed Will because he's such a cynical person. Jon asked Gary about the guy who tuned the piano this morning. Gary said that there was a lot of angst this week because of things like that. He said they brought in the tuner before the show and they should know that he should be out by 5:30. Gary said the guy was in there at 5:30 and he needed another 15 minutes. Gary said they told him that the guy needed 15 more minutes and he has to pitch stuff to Howard at 5:30. Gary said the guy needed the time and he had to pitch to Howard while he was hitting the keys over and over. Gary said Scott the Engineer was handling it but he thinks that he's yelling at him when he's really not. He said that he had to ask Scott to just shut up. He said they finally came to the conclusion that they have to come in at 4 and be out of there by 5am. It didn't work out today.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he's been a John Legend fan forever. He said that version of Dancing in the Dark is great. He said he thinks it's as great as Bruce's piano version of one of his songs. Gary said they're working on a music special where they'll play stuff like that. He said a note for note cover version of a song doesn't cut it for him. Gary talked about a group of friends that he has that are all big Springsteen fans who were thrilled that John was coming on the show to do the song today. Gary spent a little time talking about Bruce Springsteen concerts after that.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that even though there are only two shows a week they've been great. Gary said that John did the show today and when he was done he said ''That was good, man.'' He said that he loves walking in and seeing that.
Jon said that John is supposed to be on Letterman tonight. He said you'll never get the length of an interview that you get with Howard. He said the other part is that Howard gets great stuff out of people.
Jon said he wanted to talk about the story about Eric the Actor being a wheelchair athlete. Gary said he's not buying it. He said if that's true then he's a major league pitcher himself. Gary said he'd be curious to see him playing in an A's outfit. They spent a little more time on that and then went to break.
Jon brought up Alex Xander and how he did on the show today. Gary said he's a 19 year old kid and he doesn't think he realized the size of the show he was booked on. He said in a few years he may realize it. Gary said there was a funny moment today when Alex took a picture with Howard and Howard said it was nice to meet him. Then Alex said ''Forget you man, I can't wait to meet John Legend.''
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he plays in Wheelchair Basketball. He told them about wheelchair soccer and how that works. He said that he doesn't want to say anything bad about anyone but pushing a ball in a chair isn't as hard as playing basketball in a chair is.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked why they pick on handicapped people. He said there are plenty of people who do sports in chairs. Gary said they're not picking on handicapped people. He said that Eric is trying to say he's an athlete but he's really not. Jon and Steve said that if they're picking on anyone it's just Eric. The caller said they're picking on all handicapped people. Gary said he's not picking on his family. He said he's just giving Eric shit. The caller said he's taking it as all handicapped people. Gary said he thinks that people who heard the show know what he's talking about.
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A very drunk Henry Hill calls in. 8/22/96.
Henry Hill, an ex-mobster, called in this morning to tell Howard that the story about John Gotti getting punched in prison was true. Henry was very drunk and obnoxious on the phone. He was laughing about Gotti getting 'bitch slapped' by a black man. He was thrilled! Henry says that the mob will never get that black guy because they don't have any power anymore. Henry isn't even afraid of being caught himself. He was or is in a witness protection program but today he was telling millions of people where he is. Henry even started telling Howard where some bodies were buried! But he was so drunk he wouldn't finish a thought. Plus Robin kept interrupting Henry and that really pissed him off. Every time Robin would make a sound, Henry would yell at her for a couple of minutes. Henry eventually told Howard a couple of burial sites. Howard said that he wants to have a scavenger hunt for some of the bones. At one point another mob guy called in and started calling Henry a 'fag'. The two of them called each other names for a good 5 minutes. They were cursing so much that Howard was hitting the delay button every couple of seconds and he still couldn't catch all of the curses. The other guy on the phone was saying that someone would eventually bury Henry but Henry didn't really care. Henry was telling this guy where he was so he could do it himself. I wonder if that was the alcohol talking... Howard finally got tired of trying to get anything out of Henry so he had to hang up on him.
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In the clip Howard was starting the show and talking to Robin about the stink in the studio from the cigarettes in the garbage pail. Howard said that's from the DJ, Bob Wah, that was on before them. Howard said the smell makes him think lung cancer is about 3 weeks away. Howard said he should get a broad up there to give him sex or something instead of smoking. Howard said the room can't be aired out so the smell lingers. He said the scent of Bob Wah is in the air.
Howard said Jackie's flatus doesn't help. Jackie didn't know what that was. Howard said that's his flatulence. Howard said that's what flatus is. Robin said she didn't know that was a word. Howard said it's true.
Howard read an article where they used the word. He was reading about this woman who was getting a lot of gas while trying to lower her cholesterol. Gary gave Howard a definition of the word showing that it is a real thing. Howard said it figures he knows the word.
Howard read more of the article where they talked about flatulence and how some people can pass it quite a bit during the day. Robin said she doesn't get it that much. Howard said he does. He said he eats very fast and swallows a lot of air so he gets gas from that. He said they even go into it in this article. Howard said he knows everything there is to know about farts.
Jackie asked how you spell flatus. Howard said it's FLATUS. Howard said it's just like flatulence. Howard said they do say in the article that swallowing air will give you gas. Robin said flatus isn't just coming out of one area. Howard said the process of fermenting requires a lot of things and some of that is oxygen. Howard said you need methane which is the same thing in swamp gas. Howard said the smell like rotten eggs is coming from that.
Howard read about a device that they say you can use to figure out what foods are causing the worst gas. It was something like a Flatulagram. Howard gave up on that article after reading that.
Howard and Robin talked about the methane and where that comes from. Robin asked if it can travel up. Howard said it can't. Howard said you need oxygen to create flatus. He said you can't light a burp.
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Beetlejuice And Arden Myrin From ''Bubble Boy'' Come In. 8/22/01.
Two stars from the new movie ''Bubble Boy'' came in this morning. Popular guest Beetlejuice and Arden Myrin both came in to promote the movie. Beetle was a little slow in getting to the studio so Howard got a little pissed off that there was a delay. He ended up arguing with Gary for a minute about the situation but got over it as soon as he started talking to Beetlejuice.
To test Beetlejuice's memory Howard brought in 3 women, one of which was Arden Myrin, his co-star in the movie. Beetle claimed that he had sex with all three of the women who came in. Howard had Beetle pick the one he thought was his co-star and he actually picked the right one!
Howard spoke to Arden for a couple of minutes about her career. She's been in a couple of other movies including ''Constructing Harry'' and ''What Women Want.''
Arden said when she met Beetlejuice on the set she was warned not to be ''too nice'' to him because he might flash her. She said all of the women on the set got that warning. She said in one scene Beetle grabbed a hand full of her breast when he wasn't supposed to. Arden also shared other stories about him acting weird on the set of the movie. He's not an easy guy to work with according to Arden. She said they had to have a guy feeding Beetlejuice his lines during the filming. He also forgot to hump someone's leg in one scene so the actor had to shake his leg and tell Beetle to ''hump my leg'' to remind him of what he was supposed to do.
Howard reminded us that months ago when they shot behind-the-scenes stuff with Beetle he was very depressed and upset that he was away from home. Beetle didn't seem to remember that and said that the tears he shed were all fake tears.
Beetlejuice had a fight scene with Vern Troyer, the guy who played Mini-Me in the ''Austin Powers'' movie, and Arden said he was very gentle. She said Beetle was afraid of hurting Vern so he was very careful during the fight shoot. Beet said he just had no reason to want to hurt the little guy.
Howard said that Arden wasn't wearing a bra this morning and her breasts looked very nice in the outfit she was wearing. Beetle was one of the few lucky guys who have copped a feel of those breasts.
Howard got a phone call from a guy who said Beetlejuice got kicked off an airplane because he was sitting in first class when he wasn't supposed to be there. Howard had to get Beetlejuice's manager Sean in to talk about the situation. Sean said he tried to get upgraded to first class but they wouldn't let him purchase the upgrade tickets. The one flight attendant told Sean in a very rude way to listen to what another person told him and just get into his seat in coach. Sean said he told Beetle that she was just being a bitch and tried to move him back to their seats. The flight attendant heard the ''bitch'' reference and told them they weren't getting on the plane. She then called the cops on them and had them removed from the airplane.
Howard wrapped up the interview and said that you can find out more about Beetlejuice and where he'll be appearing at JollyDwarf.com. He also said he had to thank the two other women who claimed to be Arden at the beginning of the segment, Missy and Tammy. We also learned from Sean that there's a Beetlejuice action figure coming out in December of this year. We should hear more about that when it actually comes out.
Riley Martin Blames Howard For Paycheck Delay. 08/22/07. 6:05am
Howard said Riley Martin was on the air last night freaking out about not getting his paycheck on time. He said that the callers were piling on and making things even worse. He played a clip where Riley was starting his show and introducing everyone. Then Riley said that he hadn't gotten his check yet and it was due on the 15th of the month. He then went off on Howard for getting paid so much.
Howard said that he may have just gotten really annoyed with Riley about that stuff. He said that he's kind of fed up with Riley going off on him the way he does. He played another clip where a caller told Riley that Howard was goofing on people who have bumper stickers. Riley said that Howard has instructed SIRIUS to withhold his check and he now has no respect for anyone there at SIRIUS.
Howard said that Riley might be dangerous to him if he really believes that he's withholding his check. He blames Howard for trying to starve him by not paying him enough. Howard said that the caller was yanking Riley around and if you stick something on your car like a Riley Martin Symbol, it shows you're insane.
Howard played another clip where another caller told Riley he should be pissed about the check. Then Riley went off on Howard and Tim Sabean once again. Riley was even blaming Mel Karmazin. Howard said that Mel can't take a joke so that may have been a bad idea. He said he brought up Mel's name when he was working over at WNBC and that got Donna Feducia into trouble when she commented on him. Mel never let her work for the company again.
Riley was giving everyone weird names when he'd go off on them. He called Tim Sabean a ''water pig'' and Robin a ''Bo Jangle Baboon.'' Riley kept saying that Howard was making $18,000 a second over there while he was starving and not getting paid. Howard said he likes the show when Riley is ragging on them. That's when it's most interesting to him.
Howard wondered why he would let Riley on the air if he didn't want him to be popular. Riley's theory was that Howard was afraid of his talent and he was holding back the check as some kind of protest. Howard said that if he didn't want him on the air, he just wouldn't let him on the air. Howard said he likes how the listeners just call up and egg Riley on the whole night.
Howard played another clip where Riley was complaining about not getting his check again. He said that it was Howard withholding it and trying to piss him off. Howard wondered what Riley was doing before he started doing that show. Artie said that he was loading 600 pounds of pot into his car. Riley took a phone call and the caller asked how they could refuse to pay him. The caller gave them a rundown of the kind of money they were paying out on the show to the Wack Pack and others. Riley then says that Howard is a petty little weasel and a something that was unintelligible. It was something like ''Suckamuckagus'' and the guys thought he was going for Snuffalufagus or something like that.
Howard played another clip where a caller asked Riley about saving the Humans and if that would change the future. Riley said there is no problem with that but there is a problem with going back in time and changing history. Riley was on fire over that. Howard said that Riley isn't allowed to go back and change history by killing Hitler, because there are rules. Howard said that they actually sent Riley's paycheck back to 1954 so that's why it's been delayed.
In another clip Riley's partner asks him about how the aliens had genes put into certain people to create great people in the future. He said something about it taking 14 generations to work out and suggested that it was how Riley was created. Riley said he didn't say all of that but then said that he knows things that he didn't learn in school. He said his education came from the shape of a cloud, the song of a bird and the beauty of a woman. Howard added ''the smoke of a joint'' and ''the snorting of coke'' into that mix as well. Howard said you have to love this guy.
Riley's partner, Eron, asked him about some other stuff that he's said in the past and wondered what caused the Japanese crash. Howard said that Riley must write down these questions ahead of time so he knows what bullshit he'll be talking about.
In the clip Robin was reading some news about the OJ Simpson trial. That led to Howard talking about some of the things he's read about the case and what Kato Kaelin has been saying about what he heard the night of the murders.
Robin said that the prosecutors have been doing mock trials and they've been losing the case. Howard said if he gets off on this he's going to be the biggest star in the world.
Robin went over some other news about the case and then Jackie said that his wife asked him if he wanted some OJ (orange juice) for breakfast and said that they'll never be able to say that again without thinking about OJ Simpson. Howard and Robin goofed on Jackie about that story and started doing impressions of him telling the story. Billy West went into his Jackie Puppet voice and started goofing on him. Howard and Robin were doing their Jackie voices and making fun of that story he told. They were making up other lame jokes about food and telling Jackie's OJ story over and over. Billy was doing OJ knock-knock jokes. Howard and Robin had Jackie apologizing to his wife in their impressions. Howard asked Jackie what he had with the OJ. Jackie said he forgot. Howard had Robin get back to her news after that.
Kevin Bacon Calls In. 08/22/07. 8:05am
Howard had Kevin Bacon on the phone. He said that he and Kevin run into each other once in a while and say hello to each other when they do. Kevin said that he was running behind Howard the other day but wasn't able to catch up to say hello. He said he was about a block behind so that's why he wasn't able to catch up.
Kevin said that he's shooting a movie today and he's supposed to run in a scene but he whacked his knee on a desk last night and he's not sure he can run. He's out in Montana and told Howard how spectacular it is out there. He said it just blows your mind when you see how nice it is.
Howard said that Kevin's wife, Kyra Sedgewick, is doing her own show and making really good money doing it because it's so popular. Kevin said that she said she wanted to give that a try and it's really worked out. He said you never know how it's going to go because TV is so cutthroat.
Howard said that Kyra is getting like $250,000 per episode doing a cable show. He said that's rare for something like that to happen. Kevin said he directed an episode and wanted Howard to check it out. He was trying to tell a story about that but Howard cut him off and asked him if they share a bank account. Kevin said that they do share the account. He then told Howard that his directors chair on the set of his wife's show said ''Kevin Sedgewick'' on it. That was a little joke thanks to the prop department there.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he heard that Kevin has a huge penis. Kevin said that it really isn't that big but it was in the movie ''Wild Things.'' Artie said he thought it was pretty big because he checked it out and kept pausing the movie at that point. He said he was just kidding about that though. Howard said that he always tries to get semi-aroused when he's around Beth so she doesn't see him when he's completely shrunken.
Howard said that he likes a lot of the movies that Kevin has done. He said that he really liked that one ''Murder in the First'' where he got his feet beaten. Kevin is promoting this movie ''Death Sentence'' that's opening on August 31st. Howard asked him about the movie and found out that Kevin's character has a run in with a gang and they kill a family member so he goes out and gets revenge which leads to even more violence. Howard said he loves stories like that. He said he likes when a regular guy goes out and gets revenge. Kevin said it's a really cool movie and he thinks that Howard will like it. The director was the guy who did the first ''Saw'' movie.
Howard said that the movie that fell apart trying to pull that off was ''The Punisher'' because they don't make you feel that bad for the dude. Howard told Kevin he'll go to see the movie if he wants him to. Howard said that Kevin gets to work with a lot of hot chicks on the movies he does and he must suffer when he does that. Kevin said there are no hot chicks out there in Montana working on that movie.
Howard asked Kevin where his kids are because they're not old enough to be left alone. Kevin said that his son is actually going off to college. Howard asked him if his kid gets laid a lot being a bacon. Kevin said he actually asked him not to talk about that stuff so he'd rather not. Howard figured that he got laid when he was like 14. Howard said that the kid is a good kid and he's actually met him. He said he'd be proud if his daughters were banging Kevin Bacon's son. He said he could brag about that.
Howard said that this movie sounds like a winner. Howard said he'd be at the screening with Kevin if he wanted. Kevin said it'll be a small screening, not too many people there. Howard gave Kevin a plug for his web site SixDegrees.org. He's finally embracing the whole thing after not being such a big fan of the Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon thing that was so big years ago.
Howard was going to let Kevin go but he ended up talking to him about how many blacks there were out in Montana. Fred was looking it up on the web and giving them all of the details. There aren't that many out there.
Howard took some phone calls from some fans who wanted to talk to Kevin. Kevin said that the people out in Montana really do wear those big cowboy hats just like you'd think they would. A caller said that his wife is in love with Kevin and they even named their daughter after Kyra. He asked Kevin for tickets to his screening but Howard just hung up on him. Howard took another call and the guy said he works with someone Kevin knows but Howard figured it was a bad idea taking calls and hung up on that guy too. He let Kevin go after that.
Howard said that Artie needs a job like Kyra Sedgewick has. Artie said he could see himself in a remake of Canon or something. They spent a minute talking about that before Howard changed subjects.
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In the clip Howard was talking to Stuttering John about an interview he did with a gay baseball umpire, Dave Pallone. That led to Robin talking about John being kind of homophobic. Robin said John is very paranoid and he's always picking gay guys out of the crowd when they go out together.
Howard asked John what his problem is with gay people. John said it's fine. Howard said he never thinks about guys and he doesn't know what John's problem is. John said he's fine with it. John said Jackie has been in the locker room and just takes his clothes off in front of people no problem. John said he can't do that himself. John said he finds it strange to be able to do that. Howard said that they have showers where they work on the WWOR show and they have lockers where anyone can just walk through. Jackie doesn't care about getting naked.
Howard said John went out and told Robin that Jackie wanted to shower with him. Howard said John might be gay. John said maybe he is. Jackie said that would explain a lot. Howard and Jackie goofed on John for a few more minutes before they wrapped up.
Today's This Date in Howard History was over around 9:00am.
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Today's Best of the Week was over around 9:40am.