|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Baba ''Booey-Gate.'' 1/21/99. 10:25am
Late in the show Howard was telling Robin about a contest that he and Gary were going to be playing this year. The prize for the contest is for a grand prize of a Mercedes Benz. Howard was explaining how each week they have to pick songs and how well they'll do as far as air play. At the end of the year who ever predicts the most accurately wins the car. Gary has been doing it for a little while now and was claiming that he could do better than Howard because he has a ''Golden Ear'' for what people want to hear. The contest is based on air play so Howard says it's bogus because air play can be controlled by the people who are contestants in the game. He said that if it were based on sales, which can be tracked accurately, he'd be able to win. One of the guys, Booker, who works at Howard's station was the winner of the contest one year. Booker was actually hired at K-Rock because he won that contest and has the magical ''Golden Ear.'' Howard's buddy Ralph called in at one point and asked Howard if he knew that Gary was consulting with Booker about the songs. That lit the fuse.. Gary said he does talk to Booker but makes his own decisions on the songs each week. Howard went nuts. He can't believe that Gary would tell everyone that he has a ''golden ear'' and not tell them that he consults with an expert. That led to a fight that lasted about 20 minutes or so. Gary and Ralph were at each others throats and Howard was calling Gary a cheater. Gary got so riled up that he said he wanted to fight Howard.. like he did with Sal the Stockbroker not too long ago. Gary said that Howard would have done the same thing as he did. He said that Howard would have consulted with Ralph over the songs. Howard said that he was going to do it totally on his own but Ralph was never the winner of the contest so it wouldn't have really mattered. It was the greatest fight I've heard in a long time. Howard ended up calling the incident ''Booey-Gate.'' He spent the rest of the morning goofing on Gary about the whole thing.
In the clip Howard was playing a clip of a song called ''Boom Bye, Bye'' that was making the rounds. Howard and Robin talked about the song and Howard said he thinks that they have to make people speak English. Howard said this guy is singing about killing all the homos. Howard said the guy looks like a homosexual himself. Howard said maybe he's uptight about his own sexuality. Howard played more of the song and complained more about him not speaking English. He said this is away they can speak without white people knowing what they're talking about.
Howard talked about how white people support Jamaica and they return the favor by cutting off white people's feet on the golf course down there. Robin said she had a friend who got a sunburn on the beach and she asked where to go to get something to help with the burn. They were told to go somewhere and the woman ended up getting molested in front of the guy. They were afraid to do anything about it so they just let it happen. Howard said there's no way he'd ever go there.
Howard played more of the song and said he went to school with a bunch of Jamaicans. He said he'd like to know from any out there who thinks they don't hate white people.
Howard said he's going to put out his own song now. He played some music and some audio of a homeless guy mumbling.
Howard said he had an angry Jamaican on the phone. The woman said she's not angry. She said that she doesn't understand why he's broadcasting this on the radio. She said that he has to be upset about this case that he's talking about. Howard said he's just saying he wouldn't go to Jamaica for vacation. He said the black people there hate the white people. Howard told the caller that he grew up in a black neighborhood and he knows that some black people hate white people. He said he's not prejudiced at all. He said he was beat up every day by black kids. He also said that the Jamaicans don't think they're black, they're Jamaican. Howard said if this caller was going to be honest she'd admit that they think that American black people are lazy. She wouldn't say that. She said that she's not one to judge people.
Howard played some music and sang a song to the caller as she was going off on him. Howard threw in some Baba Booey lyrics as he was singing to her. Howard said he doesn't hate Jamaican people. He said they hate him. Howard said he lived with them and they hated him. She asked how he knows that. Howard said that's what they told him.
Howard said he had two housekeepers from Jamaica and they would say they don't do the laundry. Howard said they think that American blacks are lazy. The caller said that's his opinion.
Howard said he knows where it's at and he's just not going to Jamaica for vacation. He said he likes Jumbie Bay. He said that's his favorite spot to go. Howard asked the caller if she thinks she's better than American blacks. She said she does not judge people like that.
Howard was going on and on with the woman and she ended up hanging up on him. Howard sang another song to the woman after she hung up.
The Cindy Crawford Controversy. 9/2/98. 9:35am
Apparently Robin doesn't believe that Cindy Crawford hasn't had any cosmetic surgery. During a commercial break she and Fred got into an argument about it. Fred had called Robin a cad and the two of them yelled at each other for a few minutes. There are some rumors on the web about Cindy having some kind of cosmetic surgery and a couple of listeners called in claiming the same thing. The whole discussion started while everyone was trying to figure out whether Cindy was the most beautiful woman to appear on the show. No one seemed to think so. Fred thought that she would be in the top 5 but not necessarily the best looking. Howard thinks that porno star Janine Lindemulder is the best looking one to come in. Robin mentioned Heather Locklear as one of the most beautiful. I'm sure Cindy was thrilled about doing the show after hearing about this discussion huh?
In a clip from the next day, September 3, 1998, Howard was talking about the fight Robin had with Fred the day before. He said everyone liked that. Howard said Robin really went off on Fred. Robin said that Andre came in to ask her a question and she yelled at him not to interrupt her. Howard said Cindy was good on the show and Robin was saying nice things about her when Fred walked in. Robin said she didn't bring it up on her own. She said Howard asked if she thought Cindy had plastic surgery. Howard said he asked her when Fred walked in and Robin said she may have had some work done on her face. That's when Fred said ''Look at the cat in this room.'' Howard said after that they went at it for real.
Robin said she just said one thing and Fred went off on her. She said she's not sure why he went off on her when she said that one thing. Fred asked what Robin's point is. Robin said he didn't have to go off on her like that. She said it was just one thing she said.
Jackie said Robin launches like a rocket. He said that one minute Fred was thinking and then Robin was yelling. Howard said this might make for some great television. Jackie said he's sure this will be his fault in the next few minutes. Howard said it could be.
Howard said that was great television. That's all he's saying. Robin went off on Jackie next. She called him a drunken asshole. Jackie said that she's the asshole. She told him not to talk to her and that will make everything right. Howard said his point is that it's great TV when Robin and Fred fight. He said that they're going to include that with Cindy Crawford on the Saturday night show. Jackie asked if they can send the cameras to Robin's apartment because he knows that she'll be yelling at her TV.
After The MTV Video Music Awards. 9/13/99. 6:10am
Howard spent some time talking about what happened after they taped their show from the MTV Video Music Awards last week. During the show he said he wouldn't go to any of the after-parties but he did end up going to one. He went to Tommy Mottola's ''private'' party which turned out to be anything but private. He said there were reporters all over the place. Howard said he met a couple of celebrities but only stuck around for about 20 minute. Gary and Ralph were with him also. He said that Ronnie the limo driver has somehow become Howard's body guard and he was hanging around with him too. Howard also talked about how they blew off Jay Mohr at during the taping of their show on Thursday night. Howard thinks that no one knows who he is but thinks he's a really funny guy. He's got a new show coming up on FOX and Howard said it looks good but he didn't think Jay would make a good radio guest. Howard also heard that Stuttering John somehow managed to yell out some questions to the Backstreet Boys but the tape wasn't ready for Howard to play this morning. That led to Howard going a little nuts about how Scott the Engineer didn't do anything with the tape over the weekend. Stuttering John had to share some of the blame because he gave the tape to Scott and not to Gary. Scott ended up walking out of the studio and even the building but he soon returned. He was yelling about how he's not allowed to work overtime because the company is so cheap. John said he got kicked out of the room and Benjy also got kicked out when he tried to continue where John left off. Then Howard said that Robin Radzinski from E! got kicked out of another party when she tried to sneak Doug Goodstein in. She came in and explained how Doug wasn't allowed into the party so she snuck him around a back entrance. A security guard saw it happen and ended up tackling Radzinski, lifting her off her feet. Mike Gange saw it happen so he tried tackling the body guard because of the way he was handling her. They were all quickly removed from the party.
Crazy Alice Vs. Crazy Artie. 06/15/06. 10:40am
Crazy Alice called in to talk to George Takei. She said she's not an ignorant woman, she's just angry about stuff. George had made a comment about her earlier in the week where he said she sounds kind of ignorant so she wanted to defend herself.
George said that he thinks Alice has the ability to get past her anger and move on with her life. Howard interrupted him so Alice went nuts on him. Howard said he wanted to cut the bullshit because George doesn't know what he has here. Alice told Howard that he hates being interrupted so he shouldn't do it to other people. She was going crazy on him and told him to shut up and let George finish.
George was trying to get a word in but Alice was still going crazy on Howard. He was able to talk to her a little bit and let her know what he felt about her anger. Howard said that maybe she should play the part of Uhura on the Star Trek thing that George is shooting for the internet. Artie did his impression of Alice and got her even more pissed off.
Artie kept doing his impression of Alice and that got her to bad mouth him and tell him to jump off the roof like his father did. That was pretty rough, even for Alice. She was calling him names, calling him fat and all kinds of other things. Artie didn't care, he just kept doing his impression as she was yelling at him. They were talking over each other so it was like Dueling Crazy Alice's.
Artie stopped at one point and asked how she's able to do that so long. Howard let them go at it for a couple more minutes and told Artie to see how much longer he could keep going. He figured they'd be there until about 4 o'clock. All Artie had to do was say something in his Alice voice and she'd go nuts on him. Howard had Artie stop for a short time to let Alice slow down a little bit. She thought Howard had to get going so she was slowing down but got all revved up again when Howard said Artie wanted to say one more thing to her.
Howard said Alice seemed to be running out of steam but then she started cursing Artie out again. She finally started so Artie threw in one more ''fuck you...'' as Alice which got her going all over again. She had some funny comments about Artie being over weight and stuff.
Howard told Alice he had to get going, at about 11:05, since it was getting so late. Artie got her all revved up again and had her screaming at him again a short time later. Howard played a couple of Crazy Alice song parodies as he was trying to wrap things up with her. He asked Alice if her neighbors can hear her. She said she was in the bathroom doing this so hopefully they won't hear her. Artie went off on her once again but Alice was done by then. She said she didn't want to hear him anymore.
By the end of the call Artie and Alice were friends again. She said goodbye to him as if nothing had happened. Howard took a call from a guy who said that he'd be willing to pay an extra dollar a month to hear Alice doing her own show. Howard said that Alice should have been at Artie's roast last week. He had Robin start her news a short time later. It was already 11:10 by that time.
Jeff the Drunk called in and told George that he did a great job all week. George said he's had a lot of fun. Jeff is still trying to get over the death of his mother but he told the guys he'll hang in there.
In the clip Howard was complaining about the music that Scott had picked as their bumper music. Howard said that the NoFX song was no good. Howard said it's just not rockin' enough for them. Howard said maybe John could pick the music instead. John said he can pick it. Howard said he's going to do it himself like everything else around there.
Howard said he tried listening to John's radio show the other day. He said John is trying to do a show like his and it's just not working. Robin said he curses a lot and he thinks that's comedy. Robin said he has the F-word being bleeped all the time. Howard said he thinks he's trying to be like him. Howard said John gets pissed at the callers for no reason. Howard said one guy was telling john to lighten up and John was screaming at him that his mother was a whore.
Robin said she heard John talking to a guy the other day and John asked him to speak up and kept saying it even though he could hear him just fine. Robin said John thought that was really funny. Robin said it was a long way to go for no laugh at all.
Howard said John screams at people and uses the word ''bastard'' a lot. Howard asked john what's going on. John said he only gets to talk for 2 minutes. Howard said he sounds like he's trying to take what he does and do it himself. John said it's hard to do anything without sounding like Howard. Howard asked why he can't just get on and play music. John said he was defending himself to some of the callers who call him names.
Robin and Howard goofed on John's voices that he does on his show. John did some of his voice that he puts on and Howard made fun of that. Robin did an impression of John's lame impression. Howard said he thinks they should limit John to one bit. He said it seems like there are 20. John said they're not long. Howard said they seem long to him.
Robin said the worst is when John tries to talk to people like a real person. He'll talk about his baby having diaper rash and things like that. Howard said it's great to hear about that stuff. Jackie said it's like a telethon.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that John talks about Howard's show through his whole show. john said this is the guy who calls into his show and gets him going. The caller said he just asks one favor. He said he asked him not to do something on the air and he did it anyway.
The caller asked why John gets to talk at the end of Howard's show. John said that's not up to him. He said that's the way they do things there at the station.
Howard and John argued about whether or not Howard likes him. Howard said he does like John but John doesn't think he does.
Howard said he does like the music mix on John's show. Howard said he heard one thing the day before yesterday where John was yelling and yelling. Gary said he thinks that John feels that his job might be in jeopardy. John said he knows his ratings are good and he's not going anywhere. Howard said Steve Kingston told him he thinks he's terrific. John said a lot of people seem to like the show.
Howard said he's not going to critique the show. He said John doesn't want to hear it so he won't bother him with his critique.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he likes that Howard is doing this. He said he should do it every day. The caller said that John does the same things Howard does on his show. John said this guy is a liar. The caller claimed he was eating on the show like Howard does and John said he's not even allowed to have food in the studio so he's lying. The caller said it's becoming ridiculous. John and the caller went back and forth arguing for a couple of minutes. The caller pointed out his mistakes and John had an excuse for everything.
Howard asked John what he's so angry about. John said he has good reason to be angry when they go off on him about his radio show. Howard asked what he did to him. John said he knows Howard is the best on radio and he isn't giving him a break. Howard said he's not biased against him. Howard said John did a TV show that was horrible. He said he would go on Conan and play tapes from the channel 9 show and he told him to stop. He said no one asked him if he could do that. John said he did go through him.
John said Howard didn't like his appearance on Wings either. Howard said he didn't even see that show. He said he didn't like that NBC was using his name in the promotion and he didn't watch the show. John said Howard promotes everyone else's stuff. Howard said he promotes John all the time. He said it's obvious that he's the one who has something against him.
Howard told John that he's going to leave him on his own to do all of this. He said he's not going to back him up when he needs it from now on. John asked what the problem is and what he did to deserve this. Howard said John has a problem with the way he does things and he isn't going to be bossed aroudn by him or the people at Wings. Howard said he has done nothing.
Howard and John went back and forth arguing about the Wings thing. Howard said he has nothing against John at all but he seems to think he does. Howard asked John if he thinks he dislikes him. John said he does. Howard asked why he would have him there then. John said he thinks Howard dislikes him about some things but not everything. He said he doesn't think Howard is a bad guy though.
Howard and John kept going and going with their arguments about whether or not Howard supports John or not. John said Howard will goof on Jackie when he does something outside of the show. He said they all goof on him if he does that. Howard said he must think that he doesn't like Jackie.
Howard told John he can do anything he wants outside of the show. He told him not to ask him to promote it though. He said if he doesn't want to promote something, he's not going to. He said he won't let Gary do a lot of things because he doesn't want to be involved.
John said he never asked him to promote Wings. He said that was NBC. Howard said John is out and he can go back and smoke pot now. Howard said his arguments are weak.
John asked if the whole book deal thing left a bad taste in his mouth. Howard said it did. John said he knew it. Howard said he has to leave him now.
Howard said Gary has had a lot of things he has told him he doesn't want him doing. Gary understands why. John said he's the cut off man. He said Howard doesn't invite him to certain things. Howard asked what he's been slighted on. Gary said John gets upset when Howard is on the fence about bringing him to Scores parties. John said he was upset when he didn't get invited to a certain other party. Howard said that he didn't want everyone coming to that one. Howard said Grillo was there because he's more important to him. Howard said John doesn't appreciate what people do for him. John said he does.
Gary said he was offered close to half a million to write a book about the inner workings of the show. He said he turned that down. Howard said he's told Gary no for appearances that he's been offered. Gary said that he will turn down stuff that Howard has already turned down because he knows why they're trying to get him.
John said he's turned down offers too. He said he turned down the TV show Weird Science and things like that. He said they wanted him to be a Stuttering John character on that show and he turned it down because he knows he's only supposed to do that for Howard. Howard said the only reason John turns them down is because he tells him to.
Howard took a call from Melrose Larry Green who told John he has to take his medication. He said he knows he's not on it when he's like this. Howard hung up on him and tried to take another call. The woman wasn't there so Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard The Peace Maker. 3/12/97. 7:25am
With all of the violence going on between the ''East'' and ''West'' coast rappers, Howard has decided to try and bring them together to make peace. He wants to bring them together in the studio to try and work things out so no one else gets killed like Tupac Shakur and Notorious B.I.G. They decided on next Wednesday for the big day. Who knows what will happen but they'd better install a metal detector between now and then. Around 8:50 one semi-famous rapper, Grand Master Caz, called in to say that he'd like to be there for the meeting. While he was on the phone some woman called in and said that she'd never even heard of him and that he must be a fake. The two of them argued non-stop for about 5 minutes. Eventually the woman scared off GMC. He hung up but called back later in the show. Howard said that he checked into his rapping background and he is what he says he is. So next Wednesday should be an interesting day. Gary said that a couple of other rappers have called in and volunteered to be at this thing. Howard wants to call it A.A.A.A... African Americans Against Anger. Sounds good to me.
In the clip Howard took a call from a guy who was asking about how he's going to handle it if his daughter ever smokes pot. Howard said he's not sure but he doesn't want to be like the little Hitler that his mother was. Howard spent a little time talking to the caller about the smoking pot thing. The caller asked if he knew Jesus smoked marijuana. Howard said of course he knew that. Howard said everyone knows that. The caller said that Jesus would go out and smoke and his mother would ask why he had that far away look in his eye. The caller said that wasn't in the bible but it was in another book where they explained it. Howard hung up on that guy when he rambled on a little too much about the pot thing.
One of the guys in the back told Howard that he had a woman on the phone claiming she was ''little Hitler.'' Howard's mom, Ray, was on the phone. Howard took the call and told her she has to loosen up. Howard said it's too late for that though. Ray asked why he's so hostile toward her. Howard said she has to make friends and stop listening to the show so much. Howard said he's anal retentive and obsessive compulsive from being raised by this woman. Howard asked how his father Eva Braun is doing. Ray asked how he figures this is who they are. She asked if this is funny. Howard said it had better be or his ratings will sink.
Howard told his mom that it took him until he was 34 to get an earring. Howard said she should have gotten a job and made him a latch key kid. She said she should have made him something but she's not sure what. Howard said he didn't call her Hitler either. He said she raised him like a little Hitler. Howard said a normal child wouldn't have created the John Lennon Story bit. That led to Howard doing his Scott Muni impression for a minute.
Howard said he walks down the street and he hears his mother telling him not to pick up a dollar off the street. He said he hears that voice in his head all the time. He said he's heard that if you do LSD enough it'll get it out of your head but you'll also lose your mind. Howard said he thinks bad things are going to happen to him all the time.
Ray was upset with Howard not letting her see the kids more than once a week. Howard said he loves his mom and she's taking this the wrong way. Ray said that calling your mom Hitler isn't right. Howard said he's superstitious and it's because of his mother. He said she felt that she could control behavior by outside forces and he took that as superstition. Howard said that's what she put in his head. Ray asked if he's a good person. Howard said that's his point.
Ray was upset with the way Howard treats Gary too. She went off on him about that. Howard told her not to be so uptight.
Howard said his mom is a great grandmother too. He said she's good with that. He said when he's mean to her it's to get even. Howard said when he's mean to Gary it's to teach him a lesson.
Howard said his mother thinks success has gone to his head. Howard said he's the same person he was. He said his mom is so worried that he's going to change that she criticizes him all the time. Howard said he loves that his mother is very loving to his kids. He said that he's just complaining about the way she raised him. Ray said he's going to hear from her whenever he talks about her this way.
Howard said he was raised like a veal. He said they take a calf and lock it in a box with no lights on. That's the way he feels. Howard said his mom didn't let him sleep in a room with the lights on when he had nightmares about Jerry Mahoney. They spent a few more minutes talking and eventually calmed down.
Pat Cooper Calls In To Yell At Robin. 1/13/00. 10:30am
Howard recently got a call from a listener who said that comedian Pat Cooper was bad mouthing him at some deli. Howard didn't think much of it and said he didn't know if he believed the caller or not. But Robin said something like ''..there are some people you just can't do enough for..'' Well, this morning Pat Cooper called in to tell Howard he heard the tape of that and didn't think it was right for Robin to say that. He asked Robin if she was nuts and gave her some attitude for a couple of minutes. Robin said she was just going by what the caller said and she didn't know if it was true or not. Pat asked her why she didn't call before she made the comment. Robin sort of apologized for saying what she said by saying she was mistaken. Howard then asked Pat why he hasn't been on the show lately. Pat said he's ready and he's in the area for another week. He also wished Robin a happy new year as he got off the phone.
In the clip Howard was giving Jackie his plugs when Billy West started doing an impression of Jackie making all of his goofy laughs and other noises. Howard let him go for a minute and then got to the story about Mickey Rourke calling him personally yesterday. Howard said that was after they did the Howard and Robin post game show. Howard said they have to stop doing that. Howard said after the show he, Jackie and Fred have to start writing. He said they usually race to the bathroom after the show. Howard said he runs to his office and gnaws on his food. He said he and Robin eat back there together. Howard said Robin sits across from him while they eat. Howard said they like eating together back there.
Howard said you have to see the routine back there. He said Gary comes back and shares some stuff with them. He has tapes and faxes and stuff. Howard said Gary had a mystery guest who he forgot about. He goofed on Gary about that. Jackie said yesterday was the best. He said Gary was talking and they had all of the drawings of him hanging behind him. Howard said they have all of these cartoon drawings of Gary hanging in there. Howard said he, Jackie and Fred drew them all. Billy hasn't drawn any. Howard said the whole wall is pictures of Gary and Dan Forman, their old TV producer.
Howard said Gary was sitting there and behind him were all pictures of him. He said he started laughing at him because the pictures all look like him. He said they had the teeth and the lips and everything. Howard said he should take a picture of that and put it in his book.
Gary said he noticed the laughing about 7-8 lines into his story. He said he noticed they were laughing. Howard said it was funny that he was sitting there with the pictures behind him.
Howard said Jackie drew one picture where his mole is now the door stop on the wall. Gary said some of them do make him laugh. Howard said they end up talking about the wall when they're in there. Billy said his favorite is the one where Jackie drew Gary's teeth as a long highway looking thing and then Gary's head is just a pin sized thing at the end.
Jackie said they used to draw Dan as he was talking to them on the speakerphone. Jackie said Dan would get really mad at them and they'd draw lightning bolts in the pictures. Howard said they would draw lightning bolts n paper and when Dan would get worked up they'd take the bolt, put it next to the phone and shake it back and forth.
Howard said they'd get embarrassed by the whole thing because they're so old and they're still doing this stuff. Gary said it is weird for him to have something like that going on.
Howard said the greatest picture up there is one that Jackie did. He said the one called Mrs. Dan Forman is the one that's the best. Howard said it's a picture of Dan with a picture ripped out of a porno magazine. They ripped out a woman's vagina and put it on Dan. Gary said someone said that's the grossest picture in the whole building.
Gary said he thinks the one that's funny is the one Howard drew where it says ''Which is my ass and which is my elbow.''
Robin said the meeting they had yesterday was long because Jackie asks questions. Howard said Jackie always shows up late. Jackie said he has to make phone calls. Howard said Fred shows up really late, like a half hour later. Howard said they have to get right to work. Billy doesn't even show up anymore.
Howard asked Fred what he does that takes so long. Fred said he goes to the bathroom and then he clears out the studio. Howard said he doesn't even have to do that. Howard said Fred has to call his girlfriend after the show. He said they have like a 30 minute conversation. Howard said Gary should follow Fred and find out where he goes to make his call. Fred said he'll tell them where he goes. He said he goes to the bathroom and then goes back to the studio to clean up. He doesn't trust anyone to clean up his stuff. He said it never seems to get done. Fred said things get lost and he's tried that before. Fred said he makes a call home after that.
Robin asked what happened with Mickey Rourke. Howard said he was sitting back in the office and getting ready to leave. He said he heard Mickey was on the phone so he had to hear what was going on. Howard figured it wasn't really him. Howard said Gary got Mickey's assistant and Mickey was calling from a barber shop owned by Giuseppe Franco. Howard said Giuseppe was the assistant.
Howard said that Gary was trying to figure out if it was really Mikey or not. Gary said Mickey got on and said he was going to kick Howard's ass if he ever saw him again. Then he said he was just kidding around. Howard said he told Gary it sounded like him and he had to ask a Mickey Rourke question. Gary asked a few questions and it wasn't really working. Howard said Gary didn't know if it was the right answer or not when he'd ask questions.
Whenever Gary would talk Billy would do his Baba Booey voice and come up with a new name for him. He was just spitting out words that sounded like Baba Booey. Howard had Billy do an impression of the evolution of Baba Booey. Billy did the Baba Booey and worked his way through a bunch of others. Gary said it's on its way to being just ''Duh.'' They went to break a short time later.
After the edited out break Howard came back and talked about Mickey Rourke some more. Howard said they had a lot of inside jokes on the show today. He said the show is really stupid today. He said he can't get off of it. Howard said they were on the phone with Mickey and Gary was trying to fool the guy to find out if it was him or not.
Howard said Fred is mad at Robin for what she was saying about him earlier. Howard said Fred told them that he went to her apartment and in her living room hangs a picture of her. Robin laughed. Howard said the picture is as big as a wall. Howard said it's in her living room. Howard said he heard it's in a big, gold frame. Robin said it is and it's an accident. She said it's a photo.
Robin said she promised her parents a picture and she needed it blown up. She said she wanted it big and she asked her assistant to get her something like 11x14. She said she had a poster hanging on her wall and she asked for something like that. Robin said when the picture came back it turned out to be very large. Robin said she really liked it but it was huge. She said it's like a billboard down in Atlantic City.
Robin said she had a frame made for her and one for her parents. Robin said she hung it in her apartment. Howard said they might have to steal it. Howard said they need that in the studio. Howard said he heard when you walk in her apartment it's like Robin is saying ''Me!'' Robin said it's not lit. She said it's a funny thing. Gary said his cartoons are funny too. Howard said he's embarrassed for her. Robin said it's in her parent's living room and you can't escape it.
Howard said Jackie isn't much better. He has everything Jackie hanging on his own walls. Howard said it's all bad comedians standing next to Jackie. Gary said the best shot is one where Jackie has to pull the picture out of the frame to show about 1/3 of Eddie Murphy.
Howard asked Robin if she's embraced by it. Robin said you can't see it when you just walk in. Robin said you'd never see it if you just walked into her living room. Gary said she's right about that. He said if you're in the living room and you're not being monitored then you look around. Stuttering John said that you can't not see it when you go in her apartment.
Howard said all he knows is that Gary and Kathy are looking at the picture and nudging each other in the apartment while she's not looking.
Howard said he wants the picture for the office. Robin said she's not going to bring it in. She told him how big it is. Robin said she wanted to make a ''Now Appearing'' sign to hang under it.
Howard asked if this is the one where she's showing a ton of cleavage. Robin said that's not the one. She said it's a new one.
Howard said Robin hasn't spoken to her parents for like 20 years and the first thing she gives them is a giant picture of herself. They goofed on her about that for a little longer. Howard said he wants exact measurements of that thing. He said someone told him that she's going to give them wallet sized photos of the same picture.
Robin said she likes the picture and it's not like there's anyone else there to see it. Jackie asked why she didn't ask for something smaller instead of keeping the huge one. Robin said she didn't spend a lot of time thinking about it. Howard asked how long it's been on display. Robin said it's been maybe a year. Jackie asked if someone came in to hang it for her. Robin said someone did. Jackie asked if that person was giggling. Howard said Jackie is no better.
Howard said Dominic told him a story about the pictures in Jackie's house getting wet in a flood and he took them out and hung them on a clothes line in the back yard. Howard said Dominic told him it was the funniest thing he's ever seen. Jackie said he had his checkbooks hanging in the dining room to dry out. He said the rest of that story isn't true. Howard said he really has to take a break. He told Robin to take that picture down or get it set up so she can press a button and it disappears when people come over. They went to break a short time later.
Howard Vs. Scott DePace Again. 09/13/07. 6:45am
Howard read through some e-mail about the conversation that Howard had with Scott DePace yesterday about Iraq. Howard said he has the articles where he got his information from. Scott didn't believe the information he had. Howard read through a bunch of stuff about Doug from some fans who were calling him an idiot and saying that he's not so smart.
Howard talked to Scott about the Halliburton stuff they were talking about yesterday. Howard read some facts about the company and how they had a net income of $1.5 billion. He said that they're up and that's direct from the company's report. He said that it's in their own words that the income is mostly from the situation in Iraq. Scott said it's not because of that but Howard insisted that it was.
Howard also said that the Vice President still has ties to the company but Scott said that's not true. Howard read a report about Cheney and his stock options. He still has ties to the company and Scott is wrong. Scott said that Cheney gets money from them no matter what happens, even if they go under. He said that he's not profiting from the company being over in Iraq. Howard said that he is and argued with him for a few minutes over the whole thing.
Howard told Scott he sounded like a retard and told him to wake up. Scott said that the money goes into a trust and he's taking him for his word. Howard and Scott went back and forth on that stuff but Scott refused to listen to what Howard was saying. He was yelling at Howard saying that he wasn't listening to him and he wasn't talking about the profits of the right company. The company KBR was split off from Halliburton. Howard said that company made incredible gains when they went to Iraq. Howard read some stuff about that company but Scott wasn't listening to that stuff either.
Scott thought that he had disproved some of what Howard had said but Howard told him he didn't do that at all. Howard said that there is no arguing an argument with Scott. Scott said that there's no winning against Howard either. Howard told Scott to bring in some facts like he did and he'd look them over. Scott said that he sent them to Jason and Jason could print them out for him. Fred played the Showbiz Pizza theme for Scott and then Jason came in.
Jason told Howard that Scott is stupid because the KBR company was sold for like a billion dollars and there was profit made on that. Scott went nuts again and explained what was going on with that. He said that they're not making profit just from being in Iraq. Scott said that no one knows what kind of profit they made on the company. Scott wanted them to get to the comedy on the show and drop this. He kept going though and continued to try and convince Howard about all of this stuff. It wasn't working though.
Howard said that Cheney can still get the money that the company is putting into this blind trust. Scott said that Cheney doesn't have anything to do with who gets the contracts over in Iraq either. Howard and Fred were both arguing with Scott but no one was getting anywhere. Howard said he had to get out of this conversation but everyone kept arguing anyway.
Scott ended up talking about the time he wanted to run someone off the road because of a bumper sticker the guy had on his car. Scott said that the guy having that bumper sticker was like him walking around and whispering in someone's ear ''Bush is great, Bush is great'' all day long. The guys told Scott he's out of his mind and it's someone's right to have an anti-Bush bumper sticker on their car.
Jason goofed on Scott's hair so Scott went off on Jason telling him that everything about him was bad. He said his looks, his voice and his personality were all bad. He said that he'd give him ''reasonable intelligence'' but that's about it. He said he has to talk to him in simple terms. That led to them talking about how Scott once said that an oil pipeline in the wilderness would help the animals in the area.
Scott asked everyone just to read the stuff he had asked Jason to print out. Howard had just about wrapped up but Jason goofed on Scott's shirt saying it looked like it came from Baby Gap. Scott went off on Jason's shirt and made fun of his Marvel Comics t-shirt.
Howard finally ended the fun and took a call from a guy who said that if Scott had any balls, he'd go over to Iraq and film Artie over there. Another caller said that Scott's argument for going into Iraq was the weapons of mass destruction thing. His argument for not getting Osama is the same argument that they had about going into Iraq so it makes no sense.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that he can't put that asshole on the air. He said that Scott is a fuckin' asshole and he had to turn off his radio for the first time ever. Another caller said that Halliburton's main thing is running oil wells. He said that the oil is very important to the economy of the U.S. Howard said he really didn't want to get into all of that. He spent a little more time on it though. He went to break a short time later.
Today's Fight Week: Round 3 was over around 11:05am.
In the clip Howard was complaining about the jingles they have coming out of break and how he asked Fred to use a few Metallica songs and he turned it into all Metallica songs. Howard said that it's hard to communicate with him because he starts yelling as soon as you bring something up. Howard said they have a huge library of intros and Fred gets stuck in one group of them.
Howard said he would like Fred to just accept his suggestion and go with it. Fred told him to say no more. Howard said it was a no brainer discussion. Fred said he thought so too but apparently some brains have to be involved.
Howard said Fred has this defensive streak in him. He said he can't talk to him. Gary said Fred always has to have the last word. Howard said he will say to him that he's not doing anything wrong but he still yells.
Fred said he has a whole pile of intros and he will go through the pile and start over again. He said he's not replaying them as much as Howard thinks he is. Gary said he thinks that Fred should just go with it when Howard asks him to do something. Howard said that's not what he's looking for. He said he doesn't want a yes man. Jackie said that Fred doesn't hate anything more than Gary telling him what to do. Gary said Fred knows what to do but he likes that battle. Howard said if Fred knew what to do he'd just do it.
Howard said Gary going to Adelphi really didn't help him out. He said he's not too bright. Howard asked how much he spent on that college. Gary said it was about 32 grand. Howard said college is the biggest waste of time. He said he's pretty sure he'd be the same guy he is today if he hadn't gone to college. Howard said he wouldn't have had time to do the drugs he did in college if he hadn't gone.
Howard said Gary learned to complete a job in college. He was able to graduate on time. That's it. Gary said you learn discipline in school. Howard asked if that's where he learned to use post-it notes. Gary said if he had a laptop he'd use that instead. Howard said he uses a notebook and he'd tape scraps of paper in there. He said that's basically what he does with his computer now.
Howard asked Gary when he's leaving. Gary said he didn't know he wanted him to leave. Howard said it's time to leave so Gary got out of there. Howard continued to goof on him. Robin got in on it too. Howard was talking about how dopey he was coming off with the college education stuff.
In the clip Howard was talking about Gary complaining about how hard he was working and how overwhelmed he is. Gary told him he'd never find anyone to work harder than him. He said Howard is out of his mind. He said he works really hard on his birthday shows and things like that. Howard said that's not all the time though. Gary said he works late many days. Howard asked what time he goes to bed. Gary said he went to bed at 11 last night. He said he has stuff to do.
Howard said it's no wonder he's exhausted. Gary said he had to do his taxes last night. Howard said he must have already done them. Gary said he really didn't.
Howard told Gary he's fired. He said he can go look for another job. Gary said he'll go clear out his desk. Gary said now Howard can see if he can find someone to replace him and kiss his ass. Howard said he can find someone. He'll replace him with Stuttering John. Gary said Howard is so ungrateful. Howard said he doesn't have to be grateful. Howard asked if he's getting paid. Gary said he is. Howard asked why he's complaining then. Howard said no one wants to be around anyone who is bummed out all the time.
Gary said all he said was that he was having a tough day. Howard asked Jackie if he heard him complain. Jackie said Howard yells at him over things and he has a smile on his face. He said that's what he does with Gary. Howard said Gary cracks when you give him a big thing to do. He told him not to go to bed so late. Howard said he can't complain if he stays up late if he's going to refuse to go to bed earlier. Howard said he has it way to easy. He said he's going to find out when he leaves the business.
Gary said he will find out what it's like to get praise from a boss when he leaves. Howard said he has no idea how good he has it. Howard said he doesn't get praise aroudn there so when he gets it then Gary will get it.
Howard said he has guys who don't talk to him in this company. He said that's pressure. He said he walks into a room and they ignore you. Howard said all he's saying is that he can't wait until he gets a real job. He said he wants to watch him and see what he's going to do.
Howard asked Gary what he's going to do. Gary said he doesn't know but he thinks he can make out pretty well. Howard said he sees him divorced in 2 years. Howard said he knows his wife. Gary said he doesn't know his wife. Howard said she's very excited about being married to Gary Dell'Abate from the Howard Stern Show. Gary said they really don't know her.
Gary said he thinks that Howard is bummed out that he doesn't really know his wife. Howard said there was some bizarre behavior going on during the wedding planning. He said he just didn't bring it up. Howard said he thinks that she'd leave him in a year if he fired him. Howard said he knows that's what would happen. Gary said he doesn't know.
Howard didn't think that Gary could find a job if he got fired. Gary said he thinks he can. Howard said he has to repeat after him. Howard asked him to repeat but Gary refused. Howard said ''This job...'' about 10 times and Gary refused to repeat. Howard said he wants to get on with the show. Gary said he's not even going to look at him. He said he can see Howard get angry when he looks at him. Howard said that's the wife stepping in. She told him not to repeat. Gary said he's just not doing it.
Howard had Fred do the repeating. Fred did his impression with a pen in his mouth. Howard had him repeat a bunch of lines about how dopey he is and how his gums and lips are so huge that he can kiss boff nicely on his big, black ass.
Howard kicked Gary out and spent a couple more minutes goofing on him. Gary came back in and Howard asked if he really did his taxes last night. Gary said he did. He had them there so he can show them to him. Howard said it doesn't prove that he did it last night. Gary said he worked on it for like 45 minutes to an hour. He said he wrote 10 checks.
Gary said all he said was that he was having a tough morning. He didn't even say it was a tough week. Howard said he should just get his work done and not complain. Howard said maybe all he wants is some encouragement. Howard said he told him 900 times that he was doing god. Howard said he still needs more praise. Howard told him to reach over and pat himself on the back. Gary said it would be nice if he complimented him on the air instead of on the phone when he's at home. Howard said he has to get on with the show.
In the clip Howard was getting ready to do some awards for some phone callers. Howard said he didn't see the award winner tapes there. Gary asked if this was a joke. He said he told Howard that they were getting them prepared. He said he told Howard they weren't ready yet. Howard said they have to get their ass out of bed at 4 in the morning. Howard said he scheduled this for today but Gary said it was for the next day. Gary said they're being carted up now but they're done. He said he didn't know they were doing this today. Howard said someone had better get their ass in gear. Howard said people's heads are going to roll. Howard told him to go back and get him his tapes. Gary said they'll be ready if he does one more production number.
Howard said he can't believe this. He said they have to have a meeting today. He said he's stunned by this. Howard asked Gary if he was ready to sing. Gary said he is. He'll be performing ''When You're Smiling.'' Jackie laughed when he heard that. Gary didn't get what was so funny. He said every song they do is the same subject.
Howard said there are going to be major firings aroudn there. Howard said he can't find the right music bed. Jackie told him it's on the same reel as Robin's song. Howard stared to play the song but Gary said that wasn't the right one. Howard said he wants Scott fired. He said he wants Fred to have full run of the studios back there to produce stuff. He said Gary should be fired too.
Scott came in and said he doesn't have to fire him, he quits. Howard said that's great. Howard said he's going to hire another guy named Scott to do the job. Howard said nothing is on the tape. John said that Scott is flipping out on Gange now. Howard said the leader tape just broke. He told Scott to come in there and flip out on him now.
Howard said he wanted such a tight show today and this is what happens. Howard got the song to play but then Gary was complaining it didn't have enough leader tape. Howard told Scott to get in there and fix the leader tape. Howard said he has to get someone in there to get this stuff to work. He said he's going to have mass firings aroudn there. He's going to call it Black Monday. Howard said he was doing great and then it all fell apart.
After an edit we heard Gary asking if Howard wanted to hear the tape of Scott freaking out. Howard said he did. He asked what he was yelling about. Gary said it was mostly about Howard. He quit and then he was yelling. Howard asked if he quit then why did he yell about him out there? Howard said that Scott was wondering why he was yelling about him and it turns out that the tape he edited had Imus in the middle of it. Gary said this is only 25 seconds but Scott goes nuts on Gange.
Howard played the tape and in it you hear Scott saying he quit and then Mike Gange asks what's going on. Scott tells him to get out of there with the tape. He tells him to shut it off multiple times. Gange didn't turn it off. Tom Chiusano asked Mike to leave. Howard said he hates Tom. He said that guy ruins things. Howard said he told him to act like he's not there. Howard said he wants Tom fired and out of there too. Howard said he can't take that. Tom said he didn't want Gange to get slugged. Tom said he's not trying to disrupt the show. He said he's just trying to keep people from having physical contact. Howard said Scott is a big pussy and he won't do anything. Tom said it was real close. Howard said Gange is a little suck up. Tom said his hands were full and he couldn't have defended himself.
Tom said it really is his responsibility to keep things like that from happening. Howard said he wants him to stay away from his people. Tom said he can't do that. Howard said it's a nightmare with him.
Gary said that Scott is a big baby. He said he went down there to get him and he refused to come in. He said he tried to explain to him that they'd make fun of him for 10 more minutes and they'd be done. Howard sent Robin down there to get him instead.
Howard said they'll see how long it takes her to get him in the studio. Howard timed how long it took. 30 seconds later he was in there. Howard asked Scott if he heard himself on that tape. Scott said he was told that he wasn't on the TV show for a while so he had to do something to get on. Howard said he's all calmed down now.
Howard asked why Imus was on the tape. Scott said that was a screw up. He said he had 10 things on his plate and he messed up. Howard replayed the clip of him yelling at Gange in the studio. Howard told Scott that he's sick of looking at him. He told him to get out and stop quitting. He said he comes in there and it ruins everything. He told Fred to go to break after that.
Tracey Vs. Gary. 04/27/10. 6:20am
Howard moved on to talk about Gary and his problem with Tracey. Howard asked when she gets in. Gary said she may be in by 8:30 or so. He's not even sure so that made him look bad again. He said he should know when she gets there.
Howard said Tracey was trashing Gary and Lisa G. Gary said they have 10 clips but Scott said he could have pulled 20.
In the first clip Tracey was going off on Gary about what a piece of shit he is. Tracey said that the only one who treats her different than everyone else is Gary. She said that Gary warned her that it was like a boy's club there and he's the only one who makes it that way. She said that Gary never tells her stuff that he needs to tell her. She said he'll tell Jason and Jason will forget to tell her.
Howard had to stop the clip and try to figure out what was going on. Gary said he goes to her office like once a week. He said that you have to respect her or else you're disrespecting her. He said if you hang around her enough then you're going to disrespect her. Gary said he likes Tracey and he'll sit down to talk to her once a week.
Gary said one of the things she's mad about is the ski house he has. He said the house is tiny and he had him, Jon, Will and Jason there. He didn't invite Tracey because the place has one big room with a couple of beds. He said they were snoring and all of that so it would have been uncomfortable to sleep in that group of guys.
Gary said that the other thing is that he joined the Friar's club and he got some of the guys together to do that. He said he invited a bunch of guys and Tracey. He said he had something come up and he canceled so he's a piece of shit for that too.
Gary said that sometimes he'll cancel a meeting and tell Jason to tell people about it and Tracey is upset about that too. He said that's a sign of disrespect according to her. Gary said he doesn't treat her that bad and he's not sure why she makes it out that way.
Howard played more of the audio of Tracey going off on Gary and she was saying they have an intercom system that Gary could use. Howard stopped it and said he knows how hectic things can get in there. Gary said he does use the intercom sometimes and he doesn't think that he's disrespecting her the way she says he is.
Howard played more of Tracey going off on Gary and she was telling Gary to stop playing his Solitaire and Sporcle games. Howard didn't know what that was. Gary explained the game to Howard like he barely knew what it was even though he has played it.
Gary said he's not sure how he's supposed to go through his day today. He said she's going to want respect from him but she's trying to scare people into respecting her.
Howard played more of the audio of Tracey going off on Gary and she was saying that he's disrespecting her. Howard had more clips of her going off on Gary about other things too. Tracey said ''that mother fucker'' told her to come into his office and clean out his refrigerator. She said she threw everything away after asking him if it was his food. She couldn't believe that he did that to her. She said that was very disrespectful and he was treating her like a piece of shit. Tracey was going off on him about how he only calls her about toilets overflowing and things like that. She said Gary is the only one who treats her that way too. She said it's not her fucking job to clean out his fucking refrigerator.
Gary explained what goes on with the refrigerator there. He said it became a community fridge and he doesn't know that he asked Tracey to clean it out. He said he may have asked her to have someone find out whose stuff was in there and she may have taken it the wrong way. Gary said he's sorry about that but he just needed the refrigerator cleaned. He said the other thing she was talking about with the toilet being flooded is something else. He said he just tells her about the bathroom because she's the one who calls the people to take care of it. He asked who else is supposed to handle it other than the office manager.
Robin said she still has an issue with the refrigerator. Gary said he can't just take it all out and throw it in the garbage. He said that he doesn't tell her ''clean it out bitch'' like she's making it sound.
Howard and Robin said it sounds like there's a lot of miscommunication going on there. He said he had more clips to play from her show. He asked what the name of the show is anyway. They said it's called The Happy Hour. Howard thought that title was pretty funny based on the way Tracey was bashing Gary.
Howard had another clip of Tracey talking about the shit sprinkle on the toilet bowl. Tracey said that they took pictures of the sprinkle and she went to Gary to talk to him about it and Gary acted like he wasn't the police of people there. Tracey said that Gary was talking to Ross at the time she brought the news to him and he went off on her later when he brought it up with Howard. Tracey said Gary was telling stories to Ross and probably talking about Bruce Springsteen or some other nonsense. She said that she's sick of Gary's nonsense stories.
Gary said Ross stops by every morning and they have a meeting every Monday. He said they talk about promotions and stuff and they may talk about other stuff during that conversation. He shouldn't have to explain that stuff to Tracey. Howard said he gets that. He said it's never all business in a meeting.
Gary said he absorbs what she has to say but she has zero respect for Ross. He said they may as well be two assholes on the street. She said that she's already got that in her head when she sees them talking.
Gary said he had to keep Tracey and Ross from killing each other the first year they were there. He said Tracey would get pissed at him for playing music too loud in his office. He said he had to ask Ross to turn it down and he defended Tracey in that argument and he's still a piece of shit. Howard got a note saying that she was the one playing music too loud. Gary said that may have been another time but the story he had was Ross playing it too loud.
Howard played another clip of Tracey going off on Gary about the ski house. Gary kept saying that the place is really tiny and he couldn't even bring all of the guys with him. He said he only invited a couple of guys up there. He has four beds, that's it.
Robin said Tracey seems to think that she belongs on this other tier that the invited guests are. Howard played more of Tracey talking about how she thinks Gary fucked up and felt guilty. She said they were all invited to the Friar's club and that was how he was making it up to them. Gary interrupted and said that he was just making a gesture to the guys to invite them out to lunch and it had nothing to do with the ski house.
Howard said maybe Gary shouldn't invite anyone to anything. Gary said there were only four beds in that place. Howard said he doesn't have to explain that to him.
Howard played more of Tracey talking about how Gary has wronged her. She was telling a story about how they had a project in the works where they were clearing out the Prophet system. She said that Gary wasn't meeting with Kevin Kraft and he lost a ton of material that they were working on.
Gary said that is not true. He said Kevin was coming to him every day and he would cover stuff every day. He said he never said he wasn't talking to Kevin. Gary said that she thinks that there's some kind of conspiracy plot there against her. Howard said he wishes that Tracey was there. Gary said he doesn't. He said he doesn't want to be at war with her. He said he'd rather put his energy into the show instead of into this fight. Gary said he is not at war even if she's declaring war on him. Gary said she can kick him the balls but he's not going to go there with her.
Robin said that when the guys there get into it the fight ends and they're over it. She asked if they can do that with Tracey. Gary said he's not sure. He said she doesn't appear to want things to get better around there.
Howard played a little more of that Tracey clip and said that she also got into it about Lisa G and Teddy the board op. Gary said Teddy may have made the mistake of saying something to Jason last night and Jason is seen as a Gary sycophant so that didn't look good to Tracey. Teddy revealed that Gary was the target for the show that night and Tracey was upset with him about that.
Howard said Tracey won't do stories with Lisa G. He played the audio of Tracey going off on Lisa. JD was in and asking her about what that was about. Howard said JD was good on that show. He wasn't mumbling. All of a sudden he was articulate. Tracey was saying that she didn't want to go there with Lisa G and it wasn't personal. She said it was work wise and she felt there were some shady things going down. Tracey then went off on Teddy about what was going on with him.
Howard said he thinks that Tracey was upset that a private conversation with Lisa G ended up on the air. That was the shady thing that was going on.
Gary said he's not sure why she has to do this stuff on her show. He said that maybe she shouldn't do the show. He said there is no performance going on there. He said that she's the same person on and off the air. Howard said people love the show.
Gary said if he were looking for a job 5 years from now he'd be embarrassed that this show was out there. He said that she's a big girl and she can do this or not do it and no one is forcing her to do what she's doing. He said she could just say she's uncomfortable doing the show.
Robin said there seems to be a double standard there. She said she hears stuff on the Wrap Up Show that's pretty harsh and she doesn't really care. Gary said this was an ambush on him. He said he would have stayed to talk to her on the air about it last night if she had wanted him to.
Howard said it's supposed to be Tracey's Happy Hour. Gary said that Tracey is the only happy one. He said everyone lives in fear of her there. He said she can be a bully at times. Howard said he's going to have to have her address that when she gets in.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Tracey is a total dick. He said that it's Howard's fault too. Howard said he thinks that she's terrific on the air so maybe it is his fault. The caller asked if Gary thinks this is the way she feels about him. Gary said yes. He said he believes that she's upset with him about that stuff.
The caller said that's fucked up and he wondered why they would let that go on. Howard said that's the show. He said her show is all about doing that stuff. It does cause repercussions there. Gary said he has fought with other people there too but he will be able to work with her. He said he's not going to stop functioning. He said the show is more important than any one person there.
Another caller said Tracey should be doing this stuff face to face with Gary and not on the air. He also asked what school she went to because she doesn't seem to know many adjectives.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that she was sickened by that show last night. She said that Tracey had no respect for anyone there. She said that she shouldn't be on the air with her because that would be a real show. Mariann said that she repeats the same phrases over and over again too. Howard had to hang up on her since she wouldn't stop going off on Tracey.
Another caller said Gary is a dick. He said he treated Yucko like shit too. He said he can imagine Gary making threats toward Tracey. Gary said that's not what he was doing.
Howard took a call from Sour Shoes who was doing impressions of Tracey and of Mariann. The impressions were remarkable. Howard said he's such a talent. He said that he calls Ralph at home and sometimes he'll call him as Gary and Ralph believes it's Gary. Sour went into his Gary impression and it really was very good. Then he broke into his Ferrall impression and then some more Tracey.
Howard asked Sour if he can have a conversation between Gary, Tracey, Ferrall and Mariann from Brooklyn. Sour went into those impressions and changed from person to person creating a conversation. He really is amazing.
Howard had a conversation with Sour as Tracey and Mariann. Sour would switch from one to the other in a second. Howard got some sports updates from Sour Ferrall and from Sour Gary. Howard asked Sour Ferrall how his wife was doing and he would go on and on about that. Howard would have him switch over to Tracey and he'd come up with Material immediately. Howard thanked him and let him go a short time later. Robin said that was amazing. Howard said he really is good.
Gary said they have no guests today so he knows that Tracey is going to come in and beat up on him some more. He said he'd like it to be done after that.
Bobo called in and asked how Gary is going to be able to come in and work with this woman. Howard said that both of them see each other as out of control so they have to work things out. Gary said he has to have more face to face time with her and he has to respect her. Howard said he can take Gary's side in this because he tells his guys to run down and tell Tracey stuff sometimes because he's busy. Gary said that telling someone to tell someone else isn't a sign of disrespect.
Gary said Tracey is obsessed with the bathroom and she gets pissed when people drop a hair in there. He said that she's out of control with that. Howard said they have to talk to her later. Gary said he wants to wrap up this whole thing on this show and not do it again on the Wrap Up Show. Howard said they'll do the wrap up of the Happy Hour on this show and then Gary and Jon will have to wrap up this show on the Wrap Up Show.
Howard said Jon looks like a wolf who just got a piece of meat. Jon said that they're definitely going to talk about this on the Wrap Up Show. Jon's voice was sounding kind of odd so Gary said that he must be sick so they can't do the show today. Howard told Jon to try lots of lemon to get rid of the voice thing. He suggested some warm water too.
Howard asked JD what was going through his mind on the show last night. JD said that he was laughing and he was actually pushing the mic away at times last night. He said that she had trouble getting angry on the first show. He was trying to help get her pissed last night. He said that he was the one who threw Teddy under the bus last night and Teddy got mad at him because he knew it was him who told her.
Howard took a call from Cyrus who said that Gary is the one who says that people don't ''get'' the show so he wondered if Gary doesn't ''get'' her show. Gary was gone already so Howard said he'd talk to him about that later.
Howard took a call from a guy who said the Sour Shoes thing was great. He said he was going to cancel his subscription next month but now he may have to keep it.
Howard said he's going to give Tracey 3 nights a week based on this feedback. He said that it must be tough for her to be the office manager and deal with this. He said it was good stuff though. Howard said he had never heard of Sporcle before. He said he didn't know that Gary was playing that game too.
Howard said he heard that Robin was yelled at about her fake eyelashes. Robin asked if she left them around or something. Robin said they may come off and she may not throw them out. JD said it was just an annoyance and it wasn't anything major. It was something about the bathroom and Robin leaving the lashes in there. Howard said maybe Tracey's access should be limited for that bathroom.
Tracey Millman Talks Out Her Issues With Gary. 04/27/10. 8:05am
Howard said Tracey got a lot of mail about her show last night. Gary said Tracey is there now and Gary said it was awkward talking to her when she came in to talk about business. He said he told her to save the conversation for the air.
Howard said that maybe he'll bring Tracey in and get this all out. He asked Tracey to come in to talk about her show. He said he thinks she did a good show. He said it may not be healthy for the office environment though.
Howard asked Tracey if it's awkward for her today. Tracey said she was up a lot last night because she was upset. Howard said that's the show though. She gets the poison out, so to speak. Howard said it must cause some odd feelings the next day though. Tracey said it does.
Gary said that he was upset by it. Tracey said anyone would be. She said that she and Gary did talk about the refrigerator and Gary just doesn't remember. She said that it's not what Gary says, it's the way he says it. She said that he treats her differently than everyone else there. Gary said Tracey seems to feel wronged by the whole world and not just him. She said that's not true.
Gary said that Tracey does a great job but people are afraid of her. He said it's probably not a healthy way to run the office. He said she's very good at what she does though. Tracey said she's not sure who said that to him but she hangs out with people from the office and she gets to know people like that.
Tracey said the only person she isn't speaking to is Benjy. Gary said that he's not the only person she's stopped talking to.
Howard asked if it's worth continuing this show if she's in this position of being the office manager and doing this radio show.
Tracey said she thinks that Gary doesn't listen to her and she can't talk about this stuff off the air. Gary asked if he stops by her office once a week to ask her what she's up to. She said it's not weekly. He said that Gary has stopped by like 3 times.
Howard said that Gary was telling them about the ski house and how small it was. He said that the reason he didn't invite her is because it's so small. Howard said he gets that. Tracey said the way things go with Gary in the office it's all a secret and they all find out about it at the last minute. Tracey said that it's always the people on the outside who find out later. Gary said that Tracey has this complex where she thinks the world is out to get her. He said he's not making it a secret. He said he doesn't tell people not to tell Tracey if he's having a party.
Gary said that it is Tracey and it's not him. Tracey said she's had conversations with other people who feel the way she does. Gary said that there is no in between with her and you're either with her or against her.
Howard said he loves the radio but maybe for work it's not so good. Gary said that she's already fucked over her boss and it won't be as bad as this if she does another show.
Tracey said she was told by Tim that she had to be angrier. She said that if she's going to get fucked the next day then it's not worth it. She said that she's doing what she was asked and now she's the asshole. Gary said no one is making her do anything. He said that if she doesn't want to do the show then she shouldn't do it. Tracey said it's not fun.
Gary asked Tracey what she thought would be fun for him last night. Tracey said that she spoke to Scott off the air about their problems. Gary said that he didn't think she was fair to him on the show last night. He said he has explanations for the stuff that she was going off on him about.
Howard told Tracey that Gary has to use the guys in the office to tell her stuff sometimes. Tracey said he understands that. Gary said he doesn't think she does because she was going off on him last night about it. Tracey said that she'll ask about a meeting being canceled and no one told her about it. She said that Gary needs to tell her that stuff himself. Gary said that she's more upset about who is telling her about it. Gary said she must feel that she's being addressed by underlings. Tracey said that's not it and Gary should be telling her about that.
Howard said that the show was a home run. He said it's up to her if she wants to do it anymore. Gary said he thinks that she has a part two of him to go off on. Tracey said she's done with Gary. Howard said everyone loves the show. Tracey said she just gave up smoking so she can't deal with this shit.
Howard said when he quit smoking he had just broken his ankle so that had him laid up. He said there was nothing worse than sitting down and doing nothing without a smoke.
Howard said the shocking thing is that Tracey wants to hang out with Gary. Tracey said Gary is interesting to talk to. She said she does enjoy his company but if it's a struggle to get it, it's not worth the struggle.
Tracey said that she used to work for a guy who was like family to her. She said that she doesn't have that there and she feels bad about that. She said she'd like to have someone she can go to like she used to have.
Howard asked Tracey if she's going to keep doing the show. Tracey said she thinks she's done with the people back there in the office. Howard asked Gary if he's going to get past this. Gary said they'll work through it. He said he's very hurt by this whole thing. He said it's like an open wound right now.
Howard said he gets blamed for a lot of stuff on the air that he doesn't even know he said. Tracey said that's what it was like for her. She said she was wondering if she had said some stuff or just thought about it.
Gary said he read that email last night about how he was an elitist, homophobic, racist and he didn't know what Tracey had said about him. He said he was up at 10:45 looking to see if there was more insight into that. He couldn't sleep because of that.
Gary and Tracey said that they think that they'll work things out eventually. Gary said it may depend on if Howard signs on for more time there. If Howard doesn't re-sign then they may just leave it the way it is. Howard said he still has 8 months there and he's not sure if he's going to re-sign. Howard said it's like a whole year left and he doesn't even have any offers on the table. Gary wondered if Howard would be upset if they started finding jobs in September. Howard said he wouldn't mind that. He said he can't answer the question right now. Howard said even he doesn't know what he wants to do. Howard said he doesn't know what to do. He said it's really not up to him.
Tracey said that Howard is damned if he does and damned if he doesn't. Howard said maybe he should announce that he's leaving, but he doesn't know if he is. Gary said there are very talented people who have had a hard time finding jobs. He said they had a guy there who was out of work for 18 months when he left. Howard said he's not sure what he's supposed to do. Robin laughed at him for saying that. Howard said he can't say he's going to have a job there in 8 months. Robin said it is up to him and he has to stop this now. Howard asked who he's supposed to sign with.
Gary asked if there are any talks going on. Howard said there are no talks. Howard said they did offer to talk to him. He said he's not talking. Howard said he doesn't know what to do. It's very complicated. Howard said he knows what he wants to do. He wants to stick his head in an oven.
Gary thinks that Howard wants to stay but on his own terms. Howard said that is simple yet very complicated. He asked Gary why he wasn't invited to the ski house. Gary asked Howard why he isn't talking to someone if he knows what he wants. Robin said that he should be talking. Howard said there are other situations involved now. He said it's not that simple and they have a lot to sort out.
Howard said he respects that people are annoyed. He said that he could be out of the business or he could be doing something exciting and new with all of them involved. Howard said he doesn't know... He just doesn't know.
Gary said his wife just recently said that they should have Tracey, Richard and Sal up to the house. He said he may have to put that off for a couple of weeks. Howard said he's been there and it's fine. Fred said he's been there twice and it's very nice. Gary said one of those times was when they went to visit Artie. Howard told Tracey that she missed out on two trips to Gary's house. Howard told Tracey that she should stay out of Gary's life. It sounds better on paper.
Howard said that Tracey did a good job last night. Gary said that he feels like she's kind of like Pat Cooper who lets out everything. He said some people think she's going to die of a heart attack. He said he thinks that she's going to be like Pat and live forever because they don't hold anything in.
Benjy asked why Tracey still has issues with him. Tracey doesn't want to talk to him and she refused to go out to lunch with him to talk it out. Benjy said she seems so angry at him and he wants to know what the problem is. Tracey asked if she's supposed to do cartwheels down the hallway for him. Gary said Benjy was barking at her on the Wrap Up Show. Benjy said that Tracey was bashing someone he was dating at the time when he was barking at her.
Howard said that this show might be too much. He said that it's a great show though. Howard said he thinks that they should give the show a rest. It's too hard and too crazy. Gary said they'll work things out. Howard said Gary should have her to the house. That led to them talking about the ski house again. Gary said Jason had a good time up there even though he didn't ski. He said he had the best time up there even without skiing.
Howard thanked Tracey and Gary for coming in. Tracey said she was done talking about this and she won't be on the Wrap Up Show talking about it again.
Howard thought that he did a good job moderating with them. Robin said he didn't do anything and they're still in the same position they were in. Howard said he had more to talk about but he has to take a break.
Howard said they never know until the last minute what they're going to be doing. He said he knows he won't be signing on to do another 5 years. He said that's enough of that. Robin said Mel says he needs to know so he can plan. Howard said Mel wants a 20 year contract. He said he's complimented but the long contracts aren't fun to count down. He said he wants to do other things like the one man Ted Kennedy Broadway show. That led to him doing his Kennedy impression and saying that he was going to do a 2 hour long one man show.
Gary came back in and said that the Howard TV camera guy asked them if the wanted to hug it out. He said they both said no and went their separate ways.
Howard took a call from a guy who was asking about the invitation thing and how people get hurt. Howard said that happens all the time. He said they can't invite everyone to everything and people are going to get hurt.
The caller said he's seen some of the behind the scenes stuff that goes on up there and he's not sure how Gary controls it. Howard said he does have a tough job.
The guys talked about how tough it can be to work with people. Gary said he thinks that he has a better relationship with Tracey than he does with JD. He said JD doesn't seem to care as much though.
Another caller said he thinks that Beth is pregnant and this is why he's saying he's not sure if he's coming back. Howard said he wants to be a stay at home dad now. Howard said if Beth gets pregnant then he's going to sign on for another 25 years. He wouldn't want to be home if he had a kid there. Howard said that's hard work.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wants to know why Gary thinks he's so great. He said that he built his career off of sucking Howard's ass and now he's stomping on Tracey. He said he comes off like he's a know it all and he's really not. The caller thinks he has to be taken down a few notches.
Another caller said Tracey is the poison there in the office. He said she's the one that has to get out. He said that Gary is the nice guy there and it's no wonder that Benjy was barking at her. He said she's the poison and if she wasn't there then the whole office element would be better. He said every office has someone like her there. Howard jokingly said that was Lucas Dell'Abate calling in.
Bobo asked if Tracey has any true friends or are they all afraid to say anything to her. Bobo said he's frightened of her and he's just on the phone. Bobo said most people would fly off the handle with her but not Gary.
Sal Rips Ross Zapin A New Asshole. 11/02/09. 8:25am
Howard said he heard something creepy about Ross. He used to hold parties at a bar and he was making money off of them. Howard said he's not kidding about that either. He said Ross would throw the party and the bar was a cash bar and he was making money off of what they made. Howard said he's never going to another one of his parties again.
Gary said he had never heard that before. He said he was shocked hearing that. Sal came in and said that Ross is a wheeler and dealer so he's sure that he ripped them off at that party. Sal said he was at that party and he paid for drinks there. Howard said he heard that Sal hates Ross. Sal said the guy is arrogant and pompous and kind of douchy.
Howard said that Sal isn't happy about him being friends with Ross. Sal said that he is kind of surprised by that. Sal said that Ross isn't the pope around there and he doesn't see how Howard hangs out with a guy like that. Sal said that it behooves him that he hangs out with the guy. No one understood what he was trying to say.
Gary said he got a note from their friend Mike Portnoy who says that Ross didn't make any money off of them and he bought the drink tickets he was giving out to the guys at that party.
Sal said he doesn't know anyone who likes Ross in the office. Gary said he's good friends with Ross and he doesn't know what he's talking about. Sal said that Gary is only friends with him because he gets him Springsteen tickets. The guys told Sal that Gary could get tickets too.
Sal asked where the SIRIUS promotion is and why they have to hear about Bruce Springsteen concerts all the time. Sal said the guy has no credentials at all. Sal said he never sees this place marketed. Howard said there may be no budget for that. Sal said that all of the money is going into his pocket as his salary.
Sal said he wants Ross to come in there and tell them what he's done for the company. He wasn't there yet and Gary said he may still be home sleeping because he stayed up to watch the Yankees game. Sal was also saying that Ross' breath is horrible and it might even be worse than Dan the Song Parody Man's breath. Sal said he has nothing against Ross but he wants to know what he does for the company.
Gary said that Ross was calling in now. Howard had him on the line a minute later. Ross said the only time Sal talks to him is when he needs tickets to a KISS concert. Sal said that he finds it odd that Howard is friends with Ross.
Howard told Ross about the rumor he heard about the Halloween party bar. Ross said he wasn't looking to make money that day but he didn't want to shell out $25,000 either. He said that they had to have some people paying for drinks.
Sal said that Ross is like the Paris Hilton of the Howard Stern Show. He said that he doesn't promote stuff there either and he'd like to know what he does. Ross said he can set up a meeting with him and he'll go through it all. Sal said he'd have to wear a surgical mask to deal with his breath.
Sal said that he wanted to put up banners at the Killers of Comedy shows and Ross kind of helped him with that but he's always talking about the concerts he goes to and stuff. Sal said he never sees any results from his marketing stuff.
Ross said they were giving away free radios at the Phillies and Yankees games this weekend. Sal said that doesn't count. He said he wants to see other stuff going on. Ross said that they do a lot of promotion for other channels there too and it's not just Howard's channels that they're dealing with there.
Sal said they should put some ''buy SIRIUS radio'' on the posters they have out there. Ross said that they were giving people the opportunity to get free radios and Sal isn't thinking big picture. He said that he has to think like that if he wants to be successful.
Ross asked Sal not to ask him for tickets in the hallway anymore. Sal said he never got any to begin with. Sal told Ross to brush his teeth after Ross said that his phony phone calls bring in tons of subscribers.
Howard said he's glad that Ross didn't make any money off of him at that Halloween party. Ross just laughed. Howard said he thinks that Ross is doing a good job there. Ross said he likes Richard but Sal might be dragging him down and maybe it should be a one man show there. Howard let him go after that.
Howard said they have Kendra Jade coming in today. Howard said that she's on Celebrity Rehab this season so she's going to be talking about her sex addiction and stuff. Artie said that a sex addict would want to have sex a lot and he's not sure that she's really an addict. Artie said that if she was an addict then she would want to have sex with him. Howard said she did have sex with Gange years ago. Gange said she drove 4 hours in the middle of the night to have sex with him so that's what he would call sex addiction. They had to go to break after that.
Wrap Up Show - Sal Vs. Ross. 11/02/09. 11:35am
After the break the guys talked about Sal going off on Ross about his professionalism and never doing him a favor and stuff like that. Jon had Teddy play a quick clip of Sal complaining about Ross and how he wasn't the pope around there and saying that it behooves him.
After the clip Jon asked Sal what he meant by it behooving him. Sal said he doesn't get why Ross and Howard get along. Jon said that a lot of the guys think that's why Sal has such a problem with Ross. Sal said he's gotten to know Ross and he's tried to get along with him but it never works. Sal said Gary thinks that there's something there that he's not seeing. Sal said that he might comment about Ross' weight and he'll come back with a joke about how he should sleep with his wife or something. He said it can be a little harsh.
Gary said that Ross is very vain and he doesn't want to hear that he's gaining weight. Sal said he just tells him that to help him. He said that he might ask about it and Ross will freak out on him. He said that he's asked Ross maybe 2 or 3 times about events and Ross always carries himself like he's bigger and better and like he's an underling. He said he doesn't know what Ross does for work and he shouldn't have gone there with him.
Sal said that Rossi is a guy who has a lot of arrogance but he's got problems doing that with Ross. He said he wants to get along with him but it's impossible. He said he was wrong for going into the work area and he admits that. He said he must be doing something right because he is working there.
Gary said that Sal was adamant about him not knowing what he was doing. Sal said he did say that and he still doesn't know what Ross does. Sal said he's not sure why Ross treats him like shit.
Ross came in around that time and Jon asked if Sal is jealous of Howard and Ross' relationship. Gary said that it might be a tiny bit of jealousy there. Sal said that's not it. He said that it's the way people carry themselves. Sal said Ross loves to brag about stuff. Ross said that he doesn't brag, he just discusses.
Ross said that Sal brings up his weight to get to him. Sal said it's a light hearted jab and it's not that bad. Gary said it might be light hearted to him but not to Ross. Gary also said that this conversation today was very much like one Sal had about 6 years ago about the friends that Howard had and how he felt he should be one of them.
Ross said that Sal only comes to him to talk to him about promotion or helping Sal out. Sal said that's not true. Ross said that Sal comes to him with requests for KISS tickets and things like that. He said he wants them for free. Sal said he never asked Ross for tickets for KISS. He said that he never went to him for KISS tickets. Jon said that he did say he asked Ross for KISS tickets. Sal said that he just used that as an example.
Ross said that Sal did get tickets for a show and he called him whining about it all that night. Ross said that Sal asked him for six tickets to that show. Sal said plenty of people have asked Ross for tickets. Ross said they were talking about Sal though.
Sal said that he went to the window and they didn't have his name on the list and he had to call Ross that night. Sal said he will cut him a check if he wants him to. Ross said that from now on he will charge him for tickets.
Sal said he wasn't the one who leaked the whole thing about him charging for drinks at the Halloween party. Gary said that Sal did say that he knew it was Ross because Ross is Ross. Sal said that he didn't bring it up initially. He said he was just backing up whoever it was that brought it up. Gary said there was no ''maybe'' involved when he said that's something Ross would do.
Ross said he never made a penny on the party and he asked Sal if he's going to believe him. Sal said he's not sure how that would change anything. Ross asked him if he believed him. Sal wouldn't say. He said that Ross just wants him to bow to him. Ross said that Sal has given him many reasons not to like him and he's always given Sal reasons to like him and it's not working.
Sal asked Ross what he wanted from him. Ross said he doesn't want anything from him. Sal said that he doesn't want anything from him either. Ross said that's good and they can move on.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks that Sal is Anti-Semitic and that's what this whole thing is about. Sal said that's not it.
Another caller said that Jon is awesome and she thinks of him as a George Takei because no one can not like him. She said that no one can say they don't like him. Jon said he's not sure about that but thanked her anyway.
The caller said that Ross is whining about Sal coming to him about questions about promoting and that's his job. Gary said that Ross' job is marketing SIRIUS and Sal was looking for someone to sponsor the tour he was on. Sal defended Ross and said that he wasn't saying what this caller thought he was. Ross said he's willing to work with people but most of the time Sal comes to him for himself and not for the bigger picture.
Ross asked Sal why he only shits on him and no one else who helps him out. Sal said that he talks shit about him because he treats him like shit. Ross said he treats him a certain way but it's not like shit. He said that he only comes to him when he wants something for himself.
Sal said that Ross has told him not to come to him for anything for not putting him in Show in the Hallway and he thought he was serious. Ross said that it was just a joke and he thought that Sal was a comedian. Sal said he's hard to read so he wasn't sure if he was kidding or not.
Ross told Sal to use the email system from now on and not bother him in person. Sal said that he must be able to see that he has some arrogance and he should be able to see that. Ross asked Jon if he feels like shit when he speaks to him. Jon said he doesn't but he also doesn't have the same relationship with him that Sal does.
Ross asked Teddy if he has worked with him. Teddy said that he has. Sal said he could ask the rest of the guys if they feel like shit too but it doesn't matter. Gary said that Sal made it sound like no one liked Ross except for him and that's just not the case. Benjy said Ross is a really friendly guy. Ross said there is one other person he could mention that doesn't like him but he wasn't going to bring up that name.
Gary asked Sal why he would ask Ross for a favor if he doesn't get along with him. Sal said he has tried to get along with him. He said that he is an acquaintance of his. Gary said he doesn't get along with him though. Sal said that he has to work with the guy and he can help him out. He said that he and Gary work together and respect each other but he and Ross can't work together.
Ross said that he doesn't care about all of the stuff Sal said except for the stuff about his job. He said that shows he has disrespect for him. Sal said that Ross sowed the seeds and that's that. Jon asked how he did that. Sal said that he gets what he projects and he's being a douche bag to him if Ross is a douche bag to him. Sal said that he's said it before that he's been a dick to him. He said he's gotten dicked over by him before. Ross said that Sal has dicked him around too. Sal told Ross he could back off on being so arrogant too. He told him he can better himself if he just backs off. They went back and forth for a while before they had to end the show.
Janice Dickinson Disturbed By Misty's Daughter's Drawings. 06/06/06. 9:20am
Howard came back from break and brought in Janice Dickinson. He said she wrote a book about her super model life and the last time she was on the show she got upset with Howard because he asked her about the book. She didn't want to talk about that stuff during that visit. Janice came in all worked up over Misty and her child. She said that the kid drew some pictures of men's penises coming out of people's butts and stuff. She said that she was ready to roll with Howard and Robin but now she's disturbed by this whole thing.
Janice thinks that this little girl hates men so much that she was drawing the penises coming out of all of the pictures she was looking at. The little girl was pushing around one of the guys back there and making strange comments about men.
Howard said that the pictures are disturbing and he agrees with that. Howard had Misty come back in so they could discuss this but the two of them started to yell at each other. Janice said that Misty is unfit and her daughter should be taken away from her. Misty said that she did have a beer before the show this morning but she's not driving a car with her kid. She was also telling Janice that she's not worried about her daughter as much as she's worried about her. She called her a ''snobby fuckin' whore'' and said that she doesn't need her telling her what to do.
Howard asked Misty if the authorities have already checked her out. Misty said that she has been checked out. Howard asked Misty about the pictures that her daughter was drawing. Misty said that's not her fault, that was her father who gave her an early lesson about sex. Janice said that Misty needs some help. Misty agreed with that but she was still screaming at her.
Misty denied that her daughter drew the pictures that they were showing her but Janice said that they have her on tape drawing them. Howard was telling Misty that Janice has been accused of being an unfit mother as well but she's done fine. Janice told Misty to keep her daughter away from her work too because that isn't helping things. Misty said that she was with a baby sitter while she was out screwing those truck drivers she mentioned earlier.
Janice also told Misty not to drink in front of her daughter but Misty said that people always drink in front of their kids. Howard said he didn't think it was possible to not drink when you have kids. Janice and Misty continued to argue with each other. Howard asked Janice if she would adopt Misty's daughter and she said she would. Misty didn't want anything to do with that.
Janice asked Misty how she does the truck stop thing because she's tried that and it didn't work. Misty said that she has to lower her price but it's not hard to find guys who are looking for some. Howard took a call from a guy who asked Janice who the hell she is to give advice about mothering to someone else. The guy thought she was a horrible mother. Janice said she's a great mother and has kids who are in school getting straight A's in class.
Janice told Howard that she knows that there is a time and place to do certain things and Misty doesn't seem to get that. Howard said he'd like to get the two of them all coked up and see what happens. Janice said he doesn't want to see that.
Misty started to calm down a little bit and told everyone that she doesn't bring her daughter to Stern very often. She said that maybe her daughter was drawing a cigar and not a penis on the pictures that Howard was showing. Howard said she also crossed out all of the faces of the men on the magazine. Howard was letting Misty go so Janice called her over to give her a hug and some advice. Misty called her a ''fucking bitch'' again when she got the advice.
Wrap Up Show - Ronnie And Jason Argue. 02/10/10. 11:25am
Jon said that Ronnie was there so he asked him why he was so upset first thing in the morning. Gary reminded him about the way he went off on him about the Band-Aid thing. Ronnie said that Jason was giving him a hard time about the black and white cookies they had there. He said that everyone expects him to put cookies aside for them. He does that for Gary, Ross and Jared. Gary said he brings one to his mother. Ronnie said he also does that for Tracey. He said he took 3 cookies and Jason was bitching to him about it. Ronnie told Jason it wasn't his problem.
Ronnie said Jason was busting his balls about his finger, that's why he got so mad. Jason came in and said that Ronnie turns into Gunga Din on Wednesday. He said that he takes cookies to everyone. Ronnie said he only took 4 cookies. Jason asked him who put him in charge of distributing the cookies. Ronnie said he's just a nice guy. Jason said that the people on the show should get their own food. Ronnie said no one on the show even eats that shit anymore.
Ronnie told Jason to go fuck himself because he's not in the mood for his shit. Jason kept going and goofed on Ronnie about getting everyone their cookies. Ronnie said that anyone can take any food they want there. He said he's not stopping anyone from taking anything. He said he really doesn't give a fuck.
Jon said Ronnie organizes the boxes before everyone gets there. He said he goes through them all and he was trying to defend him there but Ronnie was angry at him too. Ronnie said he was just trying to do some favors for people there and they're giving him a hard time.
Jon brought up Ronnie's beard and Ronnie said that Howard is just upset that he can't grow his own. He said Howard has bald spots in his and that's just not cool. He also went off on Fred saying that it looks like he has salt on his face when he has a beard.
Jason said that Ronnie's beard is a weird color to begin with so when he dyes it the color is really strange. Ronnie said he doesn't care about Jason and that he thinks that he's in charge of everything around there.
Ronnie said Jason can go fuck himself. He said it's none of his business if he takes cookies to people outside of the compound there. He said it's all Tim Sabean and Howard Stern's business.
Jason and Ronnie continued to go off on each other for a short time. Jason was asking why Ronnie becomes a waiter every Wednesday. Ronnie said he's not a waiter and he's just doing some favors for people. Benjy asked if he has ever turned anyone down to save something for them. Ronnie said he's never turned anyone down. Ronnie said he would do it for anyone who asked.
Benjy asked how many cookies they get total. Ronnie said he's not sure but maybe a couple of dozen. JD asked if he would save anything for the people that work at night, like Skippy. Ronnie said he's not even there at night.
Jason said that he'd like to have some black and white cookies so he's going to be in charge of them next week. He said he's going to distribute them himself next week.
Jon said it seems like Ronnie is trying to do something nice and asked Gary if Jason is out of line there. Gary said that he can see both sides of the story. He said that he's not sure that the receptionist should be on the list of people to get something. Ronnie said that there are three boxes of cupcakes that show up. He said they have plenty to give out.
Jason said that Ronnie is acting like the cookie Nazi and he doesn't think that's right. He said he didn't know he could put himself in charge of the cookies like that but that's what he's going to do next week.
Ronnie Vs. Jason Wrap Up Show Clips. 02/11/10. 6:10am
Howard said he didn't hear the Wrap Up Show yesterday but he heard about what Ronnie was doing with the cookies. He said he agrees with the guys about that. He said he heard that Ronnie spends like 20 minutes delivering cookies every Wednesday when they get them from Crumbs bakery. Howard said that it's not Ronnie's stuff to give out and he agrees with Jason about that. He said Ronnie isn't in charge of the cookies.
Howard played some audio from the Wrap Up Show where Ronnie was explaining what he does with the cookies. Ronnie said he saves some cookies for a bunch of people and people are all freaked out about it.
Howard said he told Ronnie to stand in the hall and do nothing and pretend he's not even there. He's obviously not doing that. Howard played more of the audio where Jason and Ronnie were going back and forth arguing about the cookies and what Ronnie does with them.
Howard asked where Ronnie was and asked why he's handing out these cupcakes and cookies. Robin said they've had the cookies for years and she's not sure why he thinks they're his. Howard asked why Ronnie wasn't wearing a suit this morning. They figured it was because of the snow. Howard said he wants Ronnie in a suit there because he wants them looking nice and not being a clown delivering cookies.
Gary told Howard that Ronnie is in Scott's studio refusing to come in the studio. Howard told Gary to tell him to get in there because he wants to talk to him about the cookies. Howard said this is about his job and it's starting to get to him.
Howard said he saw Ronnie in the studio yelling at the guys after he went to the bathroom. He said he had to kick Ronnie out of there. Gary told Howard that's how the whole thing got started with Jason in there. He said that he was confronting him about the cookie thing in the studio.
Howard told Ronnie to get in there or he'd call Lonnie and tell him no more Rick's for him. He said if he's not going to listen to him then he's taking away those plugs for Rick's. He heard that Ronnie was locked up in the bathroom. He told the guys to let him know about the Rick's thing and maybe he'd get in there.
Howard thought Ronnie was heading in after the threat of losing Rick's. It looked like he wasn't going to come in but he did.
Ronnie told Howard to take the Rick's plugs away because he's tired of his shit. He said he can take the cupcakes away too and they can stick them up their ass. He said Jason can have them all. Ronnie said he can take whatever he wants from him, he doesn't give a fuck.
Fred was laughing his ass off at Ronnie. Ronnie's gum had come flying out of his mouth so that was amusing to him. Ronnie said Howard is the general there and he can do whatever he wants. He said he does one thing and he threatens to take something away from him.
Howard told Ronnie he's like 62 years old and this is out of hand. Ronnie said he's not 62 but he refused to say how old he is. Howard figured out what was going on and said that if the receptionist there is listening, Ronnie is actually only 40.
Ronnie said Howard lied about what he asked him yesterday about the snow. He said Howard accused him of complaining when all he did was ask one question. He said he doesn't even do the driving, he has another guy that does that.
Howard said he envisioned the position there doing the security thing as something else. Ronnie told him not to give him a hard time and make a thing out of this. Ronnie said he's done there and he wants out of there. He said he doesn't want to work up there anymore. Ronnie said he's done up there. He said he'd get someone to replace him. Howard said he'll hire someone else to work up there.
Howard said Ronnie would be so forgotten if he left there. Howard told Ronnie he guesses he's done there. Ronnie was about to leave but Howard told him to think about that and not walk out of there. He told Ronnie that he wants to talk about this cookie thing. Ronnie said that Jason is the stupid mother fucker who drove him over the edge with that cookie thing yesterday.
Howard told Ronnie he's not thinking clearly. Ronnie said Jason is in everyone's business out there and it drives him nuts. Howard said Jason is his boy and he shouldn't be talking about him that way. Ronnie said Howard never stands up for him and he's sick of it.
Jason came in so Howard asked if everyone hates him. Jason said it sounds like this is more about Howard than it is about him. Ronnie walked out again so Howard threatened to take away the Rick's plugs.
Jason said all he did was ask about the cookies. Gary said Pete the Intern was out there asking if he could have Ronnie's plugs.
Howard said Ronnie is not in charge of the cookies and Jason is right about that. Jason said he saw Ronnie over there with four plates of cookies and he wondered why he was doing that.
Ronnie came back in and said he never said that he was in charge of the cookies. Howard told the guys that this all exists because of him. He said he's been on Ronnie's side in a lot of stuff too. Ronnie said he hasn't been on his side since they got there. Howard said he has been and he's converted his life. He said he'd still be writing letters in crayon if he didn't change his life.
Howard told Ronnie he is not to be the cookie guy anymore. He said that Ross Zapin doesn't need more cookies. He said that once you start collecting cookies you're taking them away from people who are there in the morning. Ronnie said he's not taking anything from anyone. Ronnie said there are boxes and boxes of cupcakes when they get them in the morning. He said they get a ton of cookies too. He saves about 3 and hands them out.
Ronnie said that he saves a couple for guys like Jared who doesn't get there until 9. Ronnie said he took 3 cookies and put them in Jared's office. Ronnie said that's all he did and they have like 2 dozen of them there.
Jason said that the cookies are gone by 10 after 6 in the morning and he blames Ronnie for that. Ronnie said that's not his fault. The guys told him it is his fault because he is the one taking cookies to people who aren't there.
Ronnie said he doesn't have to listen to anything Jason says, and if he does, he's out of there. Ronnie said Jason isn't the boss. Jason said all he did was tell Ronnie that he shouldn't be taking the cookies if the people aren't there.
Ronnie said he's no longer taking care of the boxes of cookies and cupcakes. Medicated Pete came in and said that he wanted to take over for Ronnie. He said he wants to be Medicated Pete the Limo Driver now. Howard told Pete he could leave because he's having a serious discussion. Ronnie told him to go wipe his nose because it was covered in snot.
Ronnie said he's done taking care of the cupcakes and cookies. He's no longer going to do anything with them. Howard said that's what he wants. He said he doesn't have to be everyone's friend there. Ronnie said he's not. He said he's not going to give any to Jared when they get the cookies next time. Howard said it doesn't matter. It's not going to make a difference if he gets them for him or not.
Howard told Ronnie there are guards at Buckingham Palace that don't react to anyone. He said that's what Ronnie should be doing. He said that he's going to get him a uniform like that so he can just stand there like a guard and not do anything.
Howard said he wants Ronnie to just stare people down and not be a personality. He said Jason asked Ronnie about a Band-Aid on his finger yesterday and Ronnie freaked out. Ronnie said it was just a piece of tape and not a Band-Aid. Ronnie said he just felt like sticking it on there. Howard asked why he's doing that stuff when he's supposed to be a bodyguard there.
Jason said he just asked Ronnie what was up with the tape. He thought he had hurt his finger or something. Ronnie flipped out on him about it.
Howard told Ronnie he doesn't want him involved with all of these people. Ronnie said that he's not involved with anyone, they're involved with him.
Howard told Ronnie about the movie where Kevin Costner was a bodyguard for Whitney Houston. Howard said he didn't interact with people. He said that's what Ronnie has to become. He said he has to be a stone face. Howard said right now it sounds like he's trying to get into Jared's pants. Howard said he's getting cookies for Ross, Tracey and Jared. He said he doesn't care how many cupcakes he gives anyone.
Ronnie said he saves some cookies for Tracey but they're the rainbow cookies. Jared gets the black and white cookies and he likes 3. Howard asked what the girl out front gets. He said she gets whatever he gives her and she's happy with that. Ronnie said he gives that girl's relief girl a cupcake too.
Howard asked what Ross likes. Ronnie started to laugh. He said Ross likes the little apple ruggelas. He said that there are none left when he gets there so he saves a couple and puts him on his desk.
Ronnie said that some invited the morning crew from another show in there one day to take stuff. Howard asked if Ronnie let them in but Ronnie said it wasn't him.
Howard told Ronnie he doesn't need to be doing this. It's not part of his job and it's causing a problem. Howard said he can see Ronnie doesn't want to give this up. Ronnie said he's done. He's blaming Jason for that and everyone will know that.
Ronnie was saying that his heroes are Bubba, Tony Stewart and Lonnie from Rick's. Ronnie said that he's not going to go to Rick's anymore though. He said he's not touching the cupcakes and he's not going to Rick's. Ronnie said there's no problem with that. Howard wondered how he was going to live not going to Rick's.
Robin asked Ronnie about his outfit today. Ronnie said he didn't feel like wearing a suit today. Howard said Kevin Costner always wore a suit. Ronnie said that's not true. He wasn't in a suit when he took Whitney Houston out to dinner. Robin said it sounds like that film was a training film for him.
Howard told Ronnie to get back out there and work. He said they have security people there at SIRIUS and there's one guy and two women. The guy is wearing a suit. Ronnie said there is no one out there today. Ronnie said no one is wearing a suit. Howard told him he's a professional and he should stand there like a Buckingham Palace guard.
Gary told Ronnie that there is a security guy out there dressed in a suit. Ronnie said that guy doesn't work with them. Gary said he does too. Gary said that he's just saying that the guy is in a suit and he's security. Ronnie kept bringing up the cookie thing and was arguing with Gary over nothing.
Howard said when Ronnie goes over to Rick's he changes into a special outfit. He said he should wear a baker's outfit or something in there. Ronnie was still on the cookie thing and kept bringing up Jason but he wouldn't say his name. He was calling him Wimpy and other names.
Robin asked Ronnie what he would do if he was getting people their cookies and someone snuck in and attacked Howard. Ronnie said that shouldn't happen. He said that they have other security guys there. Howard told Ronnie to get his head screwed on straight.
Ronnie said it's time to take phone calls to let people attack him now. Howard said that he should be there guarding him and not delivering cookies. Ronnie said that he's in the compound. Howard said he's not if he's out delivering cookies to Jared. Ronnie said he's right and apologized for that.
Howard told Ronnie to get back out there and guard him. He played a Whitney Houston song from ''The Bodyguard'' and Ronnie said he loved that movie and he's seen it like 100 times. Howard said Whitney sucked Kevin's cock in that movie because of the way he guarded her. He said he just wants Ronnie to guard him like Kevin guarded Whitney. He said he wants to fall in love with Ronnie.
Howard told Ronnie he's got to practice carrying him down 36 flights of stairs there just in case there's a fire. Howard said that Ronnie should use that movie as inspiration.
Howard told Ronnie not to yell at Jason and Will anymore. He saw that Sal and Richard were in the hall pretending to be Howard and Ronnie with Howard blowing Ronnie. Howard told the guys to put that on Howard TV immediately. He said he was going to throw up seeing that though.
In the clip Howard was talking about Billy West's voice being used in a commercial. He was doing a Sinatra impression. Howard was talking to Fred about it and Jackie interrupted. Howard said Jackie thinks he's Fred's spokesman. Howard said Fred is on his side. Fred said Jackie is still on a high from the Patti Davis jokes.
Howard said everyone was talking about Jackie and the Patti Davis Reagan thing. He said people wonder how he could go up to her and make Alzheimer's jokes to her face. Howard said Jackie says that she bad mouths her father all the time. Howard and Robin did their Jackie impressions and goofed on him about that.
Howard asked Jackie what his joke was. Jackie said he's just going to read the paper now. Robin said the joke was something about Patti discovering that her father had Alzheimer's because he started returning her calls.
Gary said that he was talking to Tom about that joke and he was explaining to him why it was inappropriate. He said that Reagan can't help having that disease. Howard said he wants to tell the joke again like Jackie.
Howard asked Jackie if she started yelling at Jackie as soon as he told it. Jackie said he already apologized to her about it but now Howard is going on and on about it. He said that he hopes she blames Howard for that.
Howard continued to goof on Jackie some more and asked him to tell the story about what happened. Jackie didn't want to tell it. Howard wanted to know if he was loaded. Jackie said he told her the joke, she got upset and he apologized. Howard asked how long she was upset. Jackie said it was like 30 seconds. Howard asked if she was really pissed. Jackie said she appeared to be hurt so he apologized. Howard asked what he said. Jackie said he just told her he was stupid and he was sorry for what he had said. Howard laughed.
Howard asked Jackie if she was staring at him when he did it. Jackie said she was. Howard asked if she accepted his apology. Jackie said she did. Howard said that story isn't horrible. He's not sure why it's such a torture for Jackie. Jackie said he didn't know. Howard said he finally had something to talk about and he's giving him a hard time about it.
Howard said Jackie is a sick man. He said he's the sickest man on the planet. Robin did some more of her impression of him. Jackie told them that he was out of his mind on Jack Daniels that night. Jackie said he had a gig that night so he didn't have that much. Jackie said, for the record, he felt really bad about it.
Gary said he tried to get a hold of Patti and she was grateful that Howard took the position he took yesterday. Gary said she is listening right now but she's hesitant to call in. Howard said he would like her to call in so he can talk to her. Jackie was trying to say something but Howard cut him off saying he won't let him talk to her.
Howard said he would like to clear the air with Patti. He said Jackie thought that since she has been a critic of her father's that he could do the same. Howard said he'd like the air cleared for the next time she comes in. Jackie said he'll take the day off that day. Howard said he doesn't want her to feel uncomfortable the next time she comes in.
Patti called in so Howard asked her what happened. Patti said that she was having fun at the party and she was on her way out. She said Jackie said hi and told her he was telling people a joke about her. She said she's a good sport so she asked what it was. Then he told her the joke and she thought she was going to cry. Howard said it really isn't funny. He said that there's nothing he can do about this illness he has. Patti said it wasn't funny and she told Jackie it was crossing the line. Jackie said he instantly apologized. Patti said he did. Howard said they've heard that already. Howard said this will take her a long time to get over. Howard said he's going to try and patch it up.
Howard said Patti has been sweet and kind to him. He said she looks good naked in the magazine too. Howard said that's charming to go up to her and tell her that. Patti said Jackie was very sincere with his apology. Howard said Jackie made a tremendous error. He said all he wanted to say to her is that when she comes back in he promises that she can punch Jackie as hard as she wants. Howard said she can punch him in the head... where it won't hurt. Howard said maybe she can spank him instead.
Howard asked Patti what she's wearing. She said she's in a bathrobe. She said she has to go kickboxing this morning. Howard said she's working very hard to keep that body perfect. She said she works out a couple of hours a day. Howard said he'd like to give that body a good workout. Patti said he's married. Howard said he doesn't care anymore. Patti said that's the problem. Everyone is either married, poor or screwed up in some way.
Howard asked Patti if she talked to her dad. She said she talks to her parents a lot these days. She said she talks to her mom a lot these days and she thinks that they have a new relationship. She said she's very grateful for that. Howard said Jackie almost ruined all of that. He thanked her for calling in and let her go a short time later.
Howard said he hopes that he did some damage control. Gary said he has to produce the show and he hates to do this to Jackie. Gary said he has a guy who met Jackie in Fortunoff's a few years ago and said something inappropriate about his dead grandmother. Howard picked up on that guy and he told Howard about how he came across Jackie in the store and said hi to him. He said his wife gave him a look but he asked Jackie for an autograph. The caller said Jackie asked what was wrong with him because he looked kind of down. He said he just lost his grandmother and Jackie immediately said ''Did she have any loot!?'' He said he thinks Jackie is a really inconsiderate guy. He said there are people out there who have feelings and he'd like an apology from him. Jackie said he's sorry that this guy is such a jerk. Jackie said he doesn't think this happened so he won't apologize. The caller said he should write him a letter and apologize. Jackie wasn't going for it.
Howard let the caller go and said it's a sad day today. He said he thought he'd apologize to the guy. He said he has to take a break.
Gary Vs. John And Other Stuff. 1/29/02. 8:20am
During a commercial break Gary and Stuttering John got into a verbal fight. Howard broke in during the fight and some of it made it to the air in New York City but the rest of his affiliates missed it. He replayed it a short time later. Gary was yelling at John for mocking him while he was talking to Howard during the break. John claimed that he wasn't mocking Gary but even Howard thought he was. Gary accused John of not doing any work around the show. Gary told Howard that John gave some work he'd been given to someone else on the staff and he was blowing it off. Gary said he's got plenty of work for that other staff member and John shouldn't be giving him more work. Howard had to read a live commercial during the fight so he broke away from them and did the commercial. He then came back and talked about the fight. Howard also quickly mentioned that William ''The Refrigerator'' Perry had some more bad luck the other day when he mentioned his web site. The site crashed and they lost thousands of orders they had coming in. Howard gave out the web site again and said people have to place their orders again... WilliamTheRefrigeratorPerry.com
Howard got back to John and Gary and talked about how much of a ball buster John is. KC came in and said the same thing about John. He constantly picks out people's flaws and goofs on them. Howard said he starts to laugh when he sees John doing that stuff but it's not right. The conversation led to Howard saying that he doesn't really like Gary but he likes his work so he keeps him around. That led to a big discussion about who Howard likes better in the studio. Howard said he likes Gary like he likes the chair in the studio. He said he likes Fred better than Gary and of course he likes Artie better than Gary. Howard said that he does like Gary more than Benjy and Scott the Engineer though. When Scott's name came up another discussion started about Scott's attitude toward their upcoming Las Vegas trip. He was complaining about their eating arrangements so Howard told him not to go. Scott went in the studio and said he was done and he wasn't going to go. Howard said that was fine and it wasn't a threat to him. Scott was serious when he told Howard he really didn't want to do this job. Howard gave him a second chance to change his mind and he decided he was wrong and he would do it even though everyone is going to treat him like crap.
Today's Fight Week: Round 3 was over around 11:10am.
Kotex The Angry Black Woman. 3/16/00. 9:30am
This angry black woman from Haiti called in and yelled at Howard for a few minutes about his filthy, disgusting show. She claimed that her name is Kotex. She went on and on about how she was going to get Howard's ''Son of the Beach'' taken off of FX because it's so disgusting. Howard entertained the call for quite a while because her accent was so funny. Plus it resulted in calls from people calling themselves Maxi Pad, Tampon String and Uncle Douche Bag.. all claiming to be Kotex's relatives. After 15 minutes or so Howard finally decided to move on and hung up on the angry bitch. She said that she'll be protesting the show on Saturday at the FX offices..wherever that might be.
Kotex later called in and was exposed by another listener for not being from Haiti. It turns out that Kotex is actually from Jamaica. Howard let a bunch of angry fans yell at Kotex before hanging up on her once again.
Kotex The Angry Jamaican Calls Again. 3/20/00. 6:05am
Kotex the angry Jamaican who called in last week to complain about Howard's new show ''Son of the Beach'' called in once again this morning. She held her own little protest at the FX offices over the weekend. She said she was standing outside the studios with a sign reading ''No Howard - No Justice'' which doesn't make any sense at all. Kotex also revealed her real name while she was on the phone. She said something like Alausha Abujaba. Not as easy to remember as Kotex. Howard let some angry listeners yell at Kotex before ending the phone call. Most of the callers just wanted Howard to get the bitch off the air. It was far too early in the morning to hear her horrible voice complaining about Howard.
Howard also told Robin about his Saturday night out with his youngest daughter and his mother. They went to see the play ''Beauty and the Beast''. Howard said he loved it. He loved the set and the story. He said he relates to the beast part of the story. That discussion eventually led into a discussion about how lawyers have ruined the institution of marriage. He was talking about how when people get married and then divorced the guys always lose half of their stuff because lawyers have made it that way. Howard said he doesn't know why anyone would want to get married knowing that if they get divorced they're going to lose half. A 23 year old listener called in and told Howard that he was thinking of popping the question to his girlfriend over the weekend but he held off and now he's glad he did. Howard gave him some advice and told him not to marry the girl and if she leaves him because he won't marry her then he should move on and find another one. The guy said that if he doesn't propose to her then she will probably leave him anyway.
Howard made a quick mention that the owner of the famous dog Air Bud has offered him one of Air Bud's puppies. Howard said he doesn't want to get another pet because he gets too attached to them. He pretty much lost his favorite dog Java when he separated from his wife and he doesn't want to lose another one.
Howard gave a quick review of the movie ''Being John Malkovich'' which he watched over the weekend. He said it was good and he enjoyed watching it.
Does Gary have Tourette's? That's what Benjy and Stuttering John theorized this morning. Benjy is the one who made the diagnosis. He says that Gary has a lot of ''ticks'' and other weird things he does. Benjy mentioned a bunch of weird things that Gary does like licking his teeth and playing with a piece of Scotch Tape while he's talking on the phone.
Yucko Vs. Gary. 01/20/10. 7:50am
Yucko the Clown called in and said that Robin sounds even more stupid on this show than she did on Jeopardy. Yucko went off on Joy Behar too saying that he hates that bitch too.
Yucko said he heard that Gary is always playing Solitaire over there all the time. He said that Richie Wilson has pictures of him playing all the time too. Yucko said he heard that he lost 28 pounds, what did he do, have a tooth pulled?
Gary went off on Yucko and goofed on him about his wife leaving him. Yucko said that he doesn't have an Achilles heel like he thinks he does. The two of them goofed on each other for a minute.
Howard asked Gary if he really does play solitaire during the Wrap Up Show. Gary said he has done that a couple of times but he hasn't done it in a while.
Howard said maybe Gary should do something on the Wrap Up Show instead of playing the game. Gary said sometimes Benjy will go into one of his long speeches and he zones out playing the game.
Gary told Yucko to call in and try to get booked on the show again. He said he's no good on the show and it will be a long time before he's booked on the show again. Gary said that Yucko hasn't been funny in a long time and he should go back and think about his act. He said a lot of people think that there.
Yucko said he played in front of a sold out show this weekend. Gary said there's no way he could play in front of more than 150 people. Yucko told Gary he has no idea what's going on. Gary said Yucko hasn't been doing that well and he's kind of a downer. Yucko said that's why Howard has picked up on him four times in the past week.
Gary asked Yucko what he's got going on and kept bashing his work and what he's got going on. Yucko said he has more going on in his life than Techno Beaver and solitaire going on. He asked Gary what he's going to do when Howard leaves. Gary said he's got people interested in him so he'll be fine.
Yucko said he heard that Gary wants Kimmel to hire him. Gary said he doesn't know that because he doesn't even talk to Kimmel.
Gary asked Yucko why he doesn't do any other shows. Yucko said he doesn't want to go on any other shows. Gary said he's not going to be known if he doesn't do other shows. Yucko said he has other things going on and he's not going to do this the rest of his life. Yucko said he has people interested in the other stuff he's doing.
Gary told Yucko he has nothing else going on. He was doing all of this over his office microphone and Howard just let them keep going.
Gary asked Yucko who else has him on. Yucko said he doesn't want to go on any other shows. Yucko said he wants to fuck Gary up the ass, that's what he wants to do. Gary said they were the first and last people to be interested in him. Gary said if Yucko is going to fuck with him he's going to fuck right back. He said Yucko used to be funny but now he's just sad. Gary said he's still sad after his wife left him and they hear that when he's on the show. Yucko said he's not sad.
Gary said he's pissed off about Yucko taking shots at him all the time. He said that the last time he was on he got blasted on the air about Bobby Slayton. Gary said it was a dick move on Yucko's part. He said that was the only thing that was interesting during that appearance. Yucko said he has plenty of stuff going on and it's not just that.
Gary asked if begging Artie to do a benefit show for his parents is sad. Yucko said that he didn't ask Artie to do that. He said Artie asked Bob Levy if he could help. Gary said no one wants to know his every move in his life so he shouldn't talk about it all. Gary said that Yucko can't get laid in that outfit so he talks about that stuff on the air too.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Yucko should be banned from the show after what he did last time he was on. Gary said he doesn't mind the jokes that Yucko tells but they're just not funny. He said he'd be fine with them if they were funny. Howard asked Yucko if he has any funny material about Gary's dead brother. Yucko said he fucks with everyone and he does have funny stuff.
Yucko said that Sal got hired there and he goofed on Gary for years. Gary said he likes Sal though. Howard cut them off and said that one of the ways to fight a comedian is to tell them they're not funny. Howard said Yucko has become Roger all of a sudden and he seems to want out of show business. Howard said that was quite a fight. He thinks that Gary won that one. Robin said Gary came in with the heavy ammo today.
Howard asked Yucko if he expected this today. Yucko said he had no idea he was harboring so much hate for him. He said Gary is attacking him like the Navi were attacked. Howard told him to get his bow and arrow and figure out how to fight back. Howard said he has to get some more secret ammo to blast back.
Gary said he's done with Yucko now. Fred said he needs to bury Yucko today or he'll be haunted by him in a week or a month from now. Yucko said he was already writing. Gary said he's not worried about that because he hasn't written anything funny in a year.
Yucko said he's going to get back at Gary but Gary was goofing on him for not coming up with his own stuff off the top of his head. Yucko said he wanted to do a sneak attack. Gary told Yucko he has to get back in the game and refocus. Howard told Yucko to get right on that. Gary told him to go back to what he did on the show originally and not focus on him.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that Yucko didn't have shit to say so he thinks that Gary won this fight. He said that it was almost a TKO. Howard said he was looking at Gary wondering why the hair on his face was looking the way it was. He said the moustache was looking younger than the beard by about 30 years.
Yucko said that Gary is about ''as funny as a nig*er baby under the rubble in Haiti.'' Gary said he took all of the elements from the news but it just wasn't funny.
Gary asked Yucko if he had anything to plug right now. Yucko said he's not doing gigs but he can't say what he's doing because the people he works for wouldn't like him doing the N-word jokes. Howard said he thinks that Yucko is a clown for the CIA. Howard asked Gary if he's done now. Gary asked how many iPhone apps they sold. Yucko said they sold a bunch of those. Gary asked how much he made from it. Yucko said that they sold over $1000 worth the first day. Gary said he doesn't believe it. He said there's no way that they found anyone to buy that ''Insult-o-Matic'' app. Yucko said that it says insults and stuff about fat people and things like that.
Another caller said that he doesn't get why Gary can take cheap shots and Yucko for no good reason. Gary said that Yucko took a shot at him first. The caller said he wasn't being funny either and he was taking cheap shots at Yucko. Gary said he was just saying that Yucko isn't funny anymore. Howard cut them off and said they were going over the same stuff again.
Gary told Yucko to call Will to get booked on the show from now on. He said he doesn't want him emailing him and telling him he's kidding.
Ralph called in and told Yucko to turn on the app and try to come up with a zinger for Gary. Yucko said he doesn't even have an iPhone.
Ralph said Avatar was amazing. Howard said Ralph is a huge fan. Ralph said he thought the story was great. Howard agreed and said it was an excellent movie.
Gary Dozes Off During The Show. 06/17/10. 7:35am
After the break we heard a prank call Sal and Richard made to Riley Martin as if they were aliens. Fred also played Katy Perry's song ''California Gurls'' as they were coming back.
Howard said Katy is just about naked in the video for that song Fred was playing. He said she has Jenny McCarthy's face. He said she's got dark hair though. Howard said he heard Katy was wearing a whipped cream bikini in her video and it was better than that. He said she was barely dressed. He said she's super hot now. He said she was good looking when she was on the show but she seems to have lost a few pounds. He said he's not sure the thing with Russell Brand is going to work out. They're both too crazy to make that last.
Howard said Gary stays up too late. He said Gary is getting older now and yesterday he fell asleep during the show around 9 when he should be working. Howard said Gary is a super involved dad and he's just wearing himself out staying up too late. He stays up until 11. Howard said he needs Gary awake during the show.
Howard said he didn't confront him about it but he has proof. Howard said he was snoring away in the 9 o'clock hour. Howard said he ate every black and white cookie they had their from Crumbs bakery. He said that's just disgusting.
Gary came in and said that he didn't fall asleep. He said he did close his eyes. Gary said he was never out. Howard said he was snoring and he knows he was sleeping. Gary said he wasn't sleeping. The Howard TV guys showed the video and he did look like he was out. Gary admitted it did look that way. He said he didn't eat every cookie either.
Howard said Gary was out. He said they'll show the video on Howard TV and he was sleeping. Gary said he's never done that before. He admitted it was disrespectful to the show. Howard goofed on the way Gary was licking his lips while he was sleeping. Gary didn't know what was going on there. Howard said Gary was out of it and he had his chair reclined. Howard said they have to stay awake during the show. He said that's a prerequisite for the show.
Gary said he does go to bed too late. He said he was up late the night before. Howard told him he has to watch the cookie thing too. Gary said the cookies were the small ones so they weren't the big ones. He just treats himself on Wednesday. Howard asked if he can make the show more exciting for him to help keep him awake. Gary said it's not about that.
Howard told Gary it's kind of a bummer that he did that. Howard said the Howard TV guys told him about the tape and he said he had to see it. Howard said he doesn't watch everything they do there. He said he just expects people to put in a hard day's work. Howard said if a guy is going to sleep on the job then he thinks that they are a baby. Howard said this is offensive to him as Benjy showing up late. He said it's just as disrespectful.
Howard said this happened with Gary one time when Mel Karmazin was giving a tour to some people. He found Gary sleeping in the green room. Howard said Mel had to say ''excuse me'' to Gary. Howard did his impression of Gary waking up and saying he was sorry. Howard said Gary would have been fired that day if he wasn't there to save Gary. He said Gary licks his teeth and lips when he's sleeping so that's kind of weird.
Howard did his Gary impression and licked his lips and choppers. He was goofing on him for a few minutes about that.
Gary's Office Camera Shut Down. 06/17/10. 10:15am
Howard also said that Gary had his camera shut down because of what the Howard TV guys did to him. Gary said he had a discussion with them this morning about that. He said that they told him that they would never use anything on him other than when he was on mic. Howard said he likes that they broke the promise. Gary said he doesn't like it and DePace thinks that he's a hypocrite about it. Scott said he was sorry to Gary but Howard knew about it and he played it so he should be yelling at Howard.
Gary said that Scott is a liar and he stabbed him in the back with that. Scott said he's not a liar. He said he didn't think this was that big of a deal. Gary said they promised they were never going to do this to him and they went right ahead and did it.
Howard said he didn't know about the deal they had. Howard said they offered him the video and that's like offering him crack. He said he can't turn that down and not play it.
Gary told Howard that Scott left work early last week for vacation. He asked Howard if he knew that. Howard didn't seem to care.
Howard told Scott that Gary is right about him being a liar. Gary said that Scott never accepts that he's wrong. Scott said he's wrong and sorry. Howard said he should be like Shari Sheppard and go to break in the middle of this.
Gary said that Scott was calling him a hypocrite and pointing out that Howard has a camera on him. Gary said the difference is that they won't show Howard picking his teeth and things like that. Gary said he trusted them back there and they fucked him over. He said he can't trust them now. Scott said he's sorry for trying to make the show better and he'll never do anything like that again.
Howard said he knows that they have tons of footage of Gary playing Solitaire. He said he'd like them to pull all of that tape and count the amount of time he spends doing that. Gary said maybe they can take the tape of Howard picking his teeth and show that too. Howard said that doesn't hurt the show. He said what Gary's doing is.
Gary said he had two cameras in the studio on him now. Howard said Gary is right about the way they screwed him. Gary said this could have been over an hour ago if Scott didn't argue with him about it. Scott said he didn't argue. Howard said he does argue and he gets what Gary is saying.
Doug Goodstein came in and said that he was the one who told Howard about this tape. He said that they were laboring over this whole thing and they felt they had a golden nugget of tape there and they had to tell Howard about it. He said he was dammed if he did and dammed if he didn't. Howard said he likes that they thought about it and stabbed Gary in the back anyway.
Howard said he loves that Gary sleeps during the show. He now knows the truth. Doug said he's never seen him do that before. Howard said he has to play dirty once in a while. Howard said Gary shouldn't be sleeping during the show.
Scott and Doug both apologized to Gary but then they played the tape of Gary sleeping in his office. Scott said there's no way they wouldn't have given Howard that tape. Gary said that Scott still isn't done. Fred played a lullaby as they showed Gary sleeping.
Ralph called in and said this is fantastic. He said he loves that Gary fell asleep. He said he doesn't get Howard TV but he may have to switch to see this. Howard said Gary claims he wasn't sleeping, he just closed his eyes. Gary said he didn't think he was out, he honestly thought he just closed his eyes.
Ralph told Gary to go back to sleep, he's trying to defend him. He said that they betrayed Gary after saying they wouldn't. He said they've been trying to do this behind his back for a long time now.
Howard said the new interns are out there laughing at Gary outside of his office right now. Howard did his impression of Gary trying to explain this and asking where he's supposed to sleep. He said Gary was on a sugar high after eating all of those black and white cookies. Gary said that is absolutely true.
Scott was saying that Jon Hein and Will saw the tape and they didn't tell them not to run it. Gary said Scott is a real fuck head. He said that it's not their responsibility to do that. He said it was Scott's fault because he promised that he never would. Scott said he was sorry again but he also said that it was Doug's fault too. Doug said he was sorry too.
Gary Falling Asleep Parodies, Interviews And Discussions. 06/21/10. 6:35am
Howard said Sal and Richard were up working on some stuff about Gary after they found out he fell asleep on the job. Howard said Gary had eaten like 7 black and white cookies. That led to Sal and Richard writing song parodies for him. Howard said they had alarm clocks for Gary and a lullaby for him. Howard said they went out on the street asking people how they felt about it and people were saying he's a jerk and he should be fired.
Little Mikey wrote a song parody about Gary's sleeping too. Howard played some of that and then some more of Sal and Richard's interviews about Gary falling asleep. There were many people who thought that Gary should have been fired. Howard said that Gary continues to be mad at Scott DePace over this. Howard said there are people who think that he should be the one to blame. Howard said he takes some of the responsibility for that. He said that he is the one who played it on the air.
Gary said his point is that it never should have gotten to Howard. Howard said he's right about that. He said that Doug and Scott came to him and told him about it and he had to play it. Howard said Gary is right about Scott though. He never admits he's wrong. He said he started blaming Jon Hein during the Wrap Up Show.
Scott came in and Howard told him he's kind of a creep. He played a Wrap Up Show clip where Scott was telling Gary that Jon and Will came back and didn't tell him not to play it for Howard.
Howard asked Scotty why he's like that. Scott said he was just pointing out what he saw. Howard said it's really his own fault for playing it. He said that he immediately accepted the tape when Scott and Doug brought it to him. Scott said this was Doug's idea in the first place. He said Doug was the one who put the tape in and recorded it. Howard said that he took responsibility for this and that's what Scott should be doing.
Howard told Scott to stop blaming other people and throwing them under the bus. He said he should just accept responsibility. Howard said he's not sure why Gary is so bummed about some of the stuff Scott was swaying. Gary said Scott was saying that he wouldn't have done it if he knew he was going to take all of the blame.
Gary said the more time he spends with Scott the less excuses he's finding for why he is the way he is. Scott said that he did betray Gary but he had plenty of times when he defended Jason when he was saying stuff about him. Gary said Scott can't be trusted. He's a lying cheat and he can't be trusted. Scott said that they've done hidden camera stuff before. Gary said he can't trust Scott and that's the end of it.
Howard told Scott that his problem is that he says ''but'' when he's accepting responsibility. Scott said that this was Doug's fault too. Doug got on the mic and told him to just accept responsibility. Gary came into the studio and said that Scott lacks any integrity. He said they sat down and had a conversation when they first started taping there. He said they talked about never using any tape from his isolated camera for any reason. Scott said it was Doug's idea.
Scott said he's sorry but Gary said he doesn't believe it and he doesn't care anymore. He said Scott is inhuman and he doesn't mean it.
Scott said that Gary should stop bringing this up if he's over it. Gary said that he didn't bring it up. Brian Phelan brought i up when he asked if they should turn the camera on. Gary said that Scott keeps saying ''but'' when he's apologizing. Scott said he said he betrayed Gary and he's not sure what else he's supposed to say.
Scott said he did betray Gary. Then he said that Doug also betrayed him. He threw Will Murray and Jon Hein into that mix too. He said they all saw the tape and they didn't try to stop him. Gary said that Scott is all about himself and it's that way in his own life and at work. Scott said he doesn't know anything about his personal life.
Gary said that Scott is selfish and he's sure that he's not the only one who has said that to him. Howard took a call from a guy who asked why Gary is mad at Scott when Gary is the one who fell asleep. Gary said he called Howard and apologized for falling asleep at work. That's not something that happens to him at work. Gary said he felt really bad about it. He didn't try to blame anyone else for it when he spoke to Howard. He told Scott that's how you take blame.
Scott said he apologized to Gary off the air. Gary said he did but then he went on the Wrap Up Show and gave all of those excuses.
Scott said this is bullshit. He said he left work early the week before and it was all approved by Doug but they thew him under the bus anyway. Gary said that they weren't trying to throw him under the bus. Gary said he didn't go and tell Howard or anything when he found out he left a day early for vacation. Gary said he threw him under the bus after Scott pulled out that tape of him. He said Scott is dumb.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Gary has ever fallen asleep during a Mets game. Howard said Gary hasn't fallen asleep before. He said this was just a one time thing. The caller said that Gary was probably asleep the day he was up there for his tour. He said he signed his name on a ball for him and he left out the R in Gary so it reads ''Baba Booey, Gay Dell'Abate.''
Howard said that Scott isn't coming off well in this. Gary said he doesn't come across well whenever he gets on a mic.
Howard took another call from a guy who said Gary was being a baby bitch about this. Gary said he's embarrassed by this and it was a trust thing. He said Scott fucked him. He said it's like he bent him over the desk, pulled his pants down and fucked him. Scott said that other people have done that to him too. Howard told Scott he has to stop throwing other people into this thing. He said that Scott isn't taking full responsibility and he's throwing everyone else under the bus.
Robin said that Scott was the one who sat with Gary and told him he wouldn't do this and he still isn't taking responsibility. Howard said this is like a guy gang raping a woman and the guy goes into court and tells the judge that everyone else did it too. He said he has to take some of that responsibility. Scott said he is.
Doug was telling Scott what he did and how he apologized to Gary. He said he could do the same thing and just get over it. Gary said he likes how he's trying to drag Jon Hein into all of this. Doug said that Jon is such a good friends but he didn't do anything to stop it. Howard said that he shouldn't be trying to ruin his relationship with Gary. Scott said he's not trying to do that. Howard said he's really a weasel. Scott said he knows that he's going to get email about him being a scumbag but that's the opposite of what he reads on SternFanNetwork.
Fred said that Gary did them a favor by letting them put that camera on him all the time. Scott said Gary was doing Howard TV a favor, not a personal favor.
Irish John called in and said they should put a shock collar on Gary and have the Howard TV guys keep him awake. John said that anyone could have walked by his office and caught him sleeping. Gary said they could have but they didn't. He said that this is all about Scott's promise to him to not use any tape. He said that's what this is about, not about the sleeping part.
Howard told Scott that he should just take responsibility and stop blaming other people. Howard told Scott he should have told Doug he made that promise to Gary. Scott said maybe he did. Howard said that he has to stop blaming everyone else and take responsibility. Howard said Scott is guilty and he has to stop bringing up Jon Hein and the other guys. He said it's up to them to deal with Gary.
Howard asked Gary if he feels any better for Scott. Gary said that Scott did apologize but then screwed him. He said they'll figure it out eventually. Howard had to go to break after that.
The Gossip Game With Guest DL Hugley. 10/1/99. 8:20am
Actor DL Hugley came in this morning to promote his ABC sitcom ''The Hugleys'' and play the Mike Walker gossip game. Howard was telling DL that they were going to play the game and DL said he doesn't like those gossip mags because one of them wrote a story where they said they'd spoken to him about his biological father and how he found him after years of not knowing him. They spoke about that for a few minutes then got Mike Walker on the phone. Mike was fuming because he thought DL said that it was the National Enquirer that wrote the story. The two of them exchanged a couple of funny wisecracks but eventually calmed down and moved on to the game. DL was really funny with his comments about the National Enquirer. They finally moved on to the game.
Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. Here are this week's stories:
After the game Howard spent a little while longer talking to DL. Earlier we learned that DL was actually taken from the name Darrel. He told Howard how he grew up in a part of Los Angeles where there were no white people. He thought no white people lived in L.A. until he was 19 years old. He also spoke about how he was in a gang as a kid but he didn't do any major crimes while in the gang. He was a stand-up comedian before getting the show on ABC. He said he did some kind of showcase in front of TV executives and they offered him the show. He said that the day the show was picked up he was in jail for gun possession. He explained how he carries a weapon around and he was going through an airport when the gun was found on him. He said he was going to tell someone that it was in his bag but his road manager sent it through before he had the chance. He got arrested and the same day he found out he got the show. DL is appearing in a ''Kings of Comedy'' show at Madison Square Garden tonight.
In the clip Howard took a call from a guy who told him about a Frank Zappa song that was out. That led to Howard wondering how Frank Zappa makes money. He said he has really tried to like the guy and he just doesn't get it. Fred said he does have a core audience. Howard said he knows Fred is a fan. Fred said he's great at getting sound on a record but no one wants to hear it. Fred said there are times when he does like his music.
Howard asked Fred to get Joe's Garage and play his best song. Fred said he's not sure he can play it on the air. Howard said he has always wanted to like the song ''Don't Eat the Yellow Snow'' because it sounds very hip. Fred said there are others. He said he can't play some of them on the air though. Howard told Fred to get some of his music and see if they can play it.
Howard and Robin said they never bought any Zappa records. The caller likes him. Howard said he can't hack listening to 3 seconds of that stuff. He said it's all over the place. Howard said he knows he's not musically sophisticated. He said he hasn't grown to like that kind of music. He said he finds something and sticks with it.
Fred found some Frank Zappa stuff from 1973. Howard said he knows some of this stuff and he's heard it. He said he doesn't care what year it's from. He said he won't like it. Howard said he can't understand how anyone likes it. Howard said he was going to try and enjoy this stuff. Howard played some of the album Fred found and he got a hum from the record player. Robin thought he was playing a joke and playing something that wasn't Zappa's stuff. Howard said it was no joke.
Howard let the song play and said he just doesn't get it. Howard did his impression of Frank singing. Robin asked if Fred would play that at a party. Fred said he wouldn't do that. He said he would play it when he's alone. Fred said he doesn't think Howard likes music that much. Howard said that's a silly thing to say. Fred said Howard isn't that kind of person. Howard said he likes music a lot. Fred said he listens to lame stuff though.
Fred said the more he listened to that the more he liked it. Howard said some people think they're cool because they listen to all kinds of music. Howard asked what's so lame about the music he listens to. Fred said the stuff he picks is the stuff that's in the top 20. Howard asked what it is though. Fred said it's the stuff on MTV. He said Howard likes Nirvana but they're just okay. He said they're retro. Howard said that's like Rolling Stone magazine saying it's too commercial. Howard said Fred has a lot more free time than he does to listen to music.
Howard asked Fred about how he listens at home. Fred said he has a 5 disc changer that he listens to. He'll change from CD to CD. Howard said he doesn't have enough free time to challenge himself with music. Howard said he has kids to take care of. He doesn't have time for that. Howard said he's never had time like Fred does.
Fred and Howard went back and forth arguing about that but Howard said he was done with him. Howard said he should be writing bits instead of listening to music.
Howard played more of the Zappa song and said he was finally gaining an appreciation for this. He said he's going to go home and learn to like this stuff instead of trying to get on in other markets. Howard told Fred not to hang up that commercial sign now. Fred said he can do this after the commercials. Howard said he's right about that. Howard let the caller go and went to break.
In the clip Howard had just finished an interview with John F. Kennedy Jr. when Robin got upset with him. Howard said he had to lie to her about this so he could bring him in as a mystery guest. Howard said he wasn't allowed to talk about this stuff on the air and he had to do what he did.
Robin said Howard came close to having her say something nice about him but then he lied to her. Howard said he had to do that. Howard said that was a big show moment having Kennedy in there.
After an edited out break we heard Howard reading some faxes about the Kennedy interview. Gary said someone from Extra called his guys and they got an interview with Kennedy out in front of the building. Howard said a lot of people glom off of him.
Robin asked why Howard kept that a secret from her. Howard said she's going to bust his balls all morning about that. Robin said that she's not going to give up on him though. She said she's not angry about JFK Jr. Fred said she's feeling hurt and neglected. Robin said she's being analyzed by a martian.
Howard said he has to get to the news but Mike Gange came in and said that when they were off the air Fred had some trouble with some carts. Fred said that Robin was nagging him through the grass and he called her a witch. Howard asked how he missed that. Robin said he must have been in the bathroom. Fred said Robin is a fair weather friend. He said he hates her guts right now. Robin said she feels hurt right now. Robin said she's actually not hurt by Fred at all.
Robin said all she did was tell Fred that they were off the air while the carts were falling. Fred said he was frustrated. He said he just says it and he's done with it. Fred said Robin couldn't hear him either. He said he's just frustrated and he took it out on her. Robin said she was just sitting there minding her own business but then she heard that they weren't on the air. Fred said she should mind her own business. Howard said everyone should tell him if they're off the air. Fred told her to let him worry about it.
Howard said he just wants the news. Robin started to read some stuff but Howard said it wasn't as important as what just went on.
Did Howard Wake Up On The Wrong Side Of The Bed? 12/6/96. 6:05am
First thing this morning Howard was on a rampage. This time it was about the Tiny Tim funeral tape and who was editing it. Howard wanted Gary to handle it but Mike Gange was doing it. Gary tried to defend himself but it was no use. Howard knew what he wanted and Gary didn't read his mind so Gary had to take the abuse. What a way to wake up in the morning! Howard said that he wasn't in the mood to yell but that didn't last for long. He yelled for a good 15 minutes and tried to get Gary to do the ''repeat after me'' thing. Gary refused to do it. So tense so early in the morning.
Ronnie And His Girlfriend On Bubba's Show. 04/25/11. 6:05am
Howard said he didn't know where to begin with the stories this morning. Howard said Ronnie was down in Tampa visiting Bubba and Bubba has an internet radio show. He said he's like a Jamaican with all of the jobs he has. He has a pay service radio show and the regular radio show. Howard said he just wrote Bubba wishing him a happy birthday. He said he has the RadioIO.com thing going on and Ronnie was on that. He said that Ronnie is always saying he doesn't want to talk about this girl he's dating but he went right on Bubba's show to talk about it. He said he thought he didn't want it known that he has a really young girlfriend. She's like 23 or 25 or something. He said that he was blabbing away like a mother fucker on Bubba's show.
Robin said she had to hear this. Howard said Bubba got it out of him somehow. Howard played some of the audio and Howard went off on Robin too because she'd talk about Mr. X on other shows but not on this show.
Bubba was talking to Ronnie about his girl who is actually 27 and Ronnie told Bubba stories about her. He said that her parents are actually younger than him. Howard said Ronnie says the dumbest things. He's talking about how they're younger and trying to fit in with Bubba using his lingo. Howard said Ronnie has no lingo of his own. He said he used to use that ''throw him under the bus'' a lot and he gets into that stuff. He said that it's not the best part of the deal having her parents being younger than him. Howard played more of the audio of Ronnie talking to Bubba and the guys.
Howard said Ronnie has like 60,000 Twitter followers and he's on Bubba's show with his girlfriend. He said that it's all from this show. Howard said Ronnie has made a whole life out of it. He said he used to go crazy being stuck in the car all the time. He said now he's out there and people do want to see him. He said he'd like to talk to him about fucking this girl in her 20s but he won't talk about it there. Howard said he was busy talking to Bubba about it on his show instead.
Howard said they got really graphic in this clip. He said he almost threw up his breakfast listening to this. He played more of the clip and Ronnie's girlfriend was there talking to Bubba. Howard said that stuff on Ronnie's face would scare off most women. He said this girl is really cute too. He said that she's very sweet. Howard played more of the audio and they were goofing on Ronnie's moustache that makes him look like he's out of the Civil War.
Bubba talked to Ronnie's girl about oral sex and things like that. She said that he's the best out of the guys she's been with. She told Bubba that he's a good size and that she had dated a black guy a few years ago. Howard said they were getting a lot of details there. They were shocked when they heard that she had been with a black guy. Howard wondered if it was really that crazy to fuck a black guy. Howard said a lot of chicks fuck black guys. Howard asked Robin if she had heard that slogan ''Once you go black you go 60 year old white guy...''
Howard said he remembers Ronnie bringing his girlfriend to a party and the wives all freaking out. Robin said she remembers him bringing her to Jon Hein's daughter's bat mitzvah. She said that might be where the wives freaked out. Howard said Gary's wife freaked out. Gary said they were on their way there and he told her about it and she just turned to him and said ''Please.'' She thought it was too much of an age difference but she did end up liking the girl.
Howard said he still doesn't understand why Ronnie was on the show talking about her but he won't talk about her on this show. Howard said he saw that Ronnie got all burnt up down there in Florida. He said he's got a sun burned chin so he must have worn a hat. He said he saw that chin and asked how Florida was. He said he didn't know he was on Bubba talking about his sex life.
Howard played more of the Bubba show audio. Bubba asked Stephanie some questions about how she likes to have sex with Ronnie and things. Robin said she can't believe that this conversation didn't happen there. Ronnie wasn't coming into the studio either.
Stephanie told Bubba that she swallows. Ronnie came in and said that it was 4 years ago that he didn't want to talk about this. Howard said he didn't know what kind of stuff he was going through. Ronnie said you don't know what it's like to be in Bubba's lair down there. He said all kinds of shit comes out.
Ronnie went off on Howard about his beard too. He said he doesn't care what people say. He said he gets compliments on it so he doesn't care if he doesn't like it.
Howard was also goofing on his chin being red and Ronnie said he didn't wear a hat. Howard goofed on Ronnie some more about his Civil War look. Ronnie got very defensive as always.
Howard said that maybe he could have told them that the ban was off of the girlfriend. Ronnie said he didn't know Bubba was going to start with that crap. He said he had a great time down there and Bubba is awesome. Ronnie said Robin did the same thing down there. She went on his show once and told him stuff that she didn't tell Howard.
Howard told Ronnie he could leave. He said he was going to play more but Ronnie asked him not to. Howard said Ronnie came screaming out of the closet and he had no idea he was so wild. Ronnie said he's only 61 too. He said they said he was 69 and he's only 61. Howard asked what that had to do with anything. Ronnie said it's constantly an age thing with him. He said Howard is old too. Howard said Ronnie is the fucking nut and the asshole. He said everyone is talking about his age. Ronnie said he doesn't care because he's having a good time. Howard said he's not saying this is a terrible thing.
Howard said that Ronnie is 61 and his girl is 27. Ronnie was comparing his age difference to Howard and Beth's. Howard said it's an amazing thing that he has this lifestyle. He said people are freaked out by it. Ronnie said he's sorry if they are. Howard asked why he would apologize. Ronnie said people are giving him a hard time. Howard said it's probably people in his life who are giving him a hard time. Ronnie said Howard is always talking about his age. He said he's sick of it.
Howard said this girl might be too old for Ronnie now. He's been with her for 4 years now. Howard said he asks himself what's wrong with this girl in the back of his head. Howard asked if Ronnie is in love with her. Ronnie said he likes her a lot. They've been going out almost 4 years and he just likes her? Ronnie said he doesn't like using the L-word anymore. Howard said he's like Hef. Gary said ''Like'' is an L-word. Ronnie told him to stop it. Ronnie said he doesn't have to say it, she just knows it.
Howard asked Ronnie if he is in love with her. Ronnie said he has told her he is a few times but he doesn't like using the word. Ronnie said he must be like Robin because she must not use the word. Robin said she uses it all the time. She has told Howard she loves him. Ronnie said that's just a friendship thing. Robin said she loves Howard romantically but Ronnie just as a friend.
Howard asked if Stephanie has told him that she loves him. Ronnie said she does that all the time. Howard asked if he's in love with her or not. Ronnie said this isn't Bubba's show. He would only say that she's a great girl and an awesome girl. He won't say he loves her. Ronnie asked what the big deal is. Howard told him to just say it. Ronnie said he says it in different ways to her. He said she knows.
Howard kept asking Ronnie if he's in love. He wouldn't say yes but he told Howard he's not saying no either. Howard asked what the big deal is. Ronnie said he just doesn't say it all the time. He said he has told her that he does but he's not going to say it to Howard. Then he finally said he does but Howard had to drag it out of him. Howard asked what's wrong with him. Ronnie said noting is wrong, he's fine.
Howard said he's like a little boy with this stuff. Ronnie said that's right, he's a little boy. He said he hardly ever said it to his wife either. He said things were fine for many years. Ronnie said that shit happens. Robin was goofing on him about that so Ronnie pointed out that she has never been married so she doesn't know. Robin said she isn't having a family so she didn't need to get married.
King of All Blacks called in and asked what's so awesome about Bubba. Ronnie said he likes the guy and he enjoys doing his show. He said he doesn't care if King doesn't like the show. King asked why he's so open on that show and not on Howard's show. Ronnie said he just never got asked those questions on this show. Howard said he banned them from talking about her. Ronnie said that was years ago. Howard said he didn't know the embargo was lifted.
Robin said that Bubba hangs out with Ronnie so that's why he talks to him. She said they don't hang with Ronnie like Bubba does. Ronnie said he hardly sees Bubba.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that this is funny and she can't explain how she feels. She said that this girl is kind of young. She said that she wants to know why he didn't give Howard the exclusive. Ronnie said there was no exclusive.
Another caller said that everyone is older than girlfriend. Even the age difference between Ronnie and the girl is older than the girlfriend. Another caller said she didn't want to hear about this at this time of morning. She said maybe in a couple of hours it would be fine. She said he's stuck in this Ronnie vortex.
Howard asked Ronnie if Stephanie wants to marry him. Ronnie said she doesn't care about marriage and she doesn't want to. Howard asked if she's going to move in. Ronnie said that's not in the cards right now. He wouldn't say why. Ronnie said he has things going on right now that it just won't work.
Howard asked if she would say yes if he asked her to marry him. Ronnie said she would probably say yes. He said she really doesn't care one way or the other. Fred played some wedding music as they were talking about that. Ronnie said he has told her he's never getting married again.
Ronnie said that he was married once and that was enough. He's not going to do it again. Ronnie said that she says she loves him. She doesn't want kids and she doesn't want to get married. Robin laughed when she heard that.
JD came in and said that he didn't want him to move on. He wanted him to play the last two clips he had pulled. Howard got back to that and Ronnie said he was leaving. Howard told him he could go. Robin wanted to look at him while Howard played the clips. Howard said he could go.
Howard played a clip of Bubba talking to Stephanie about how she likes girls. She told Bubba that she played around with this girl she lived close to. She said that she would stay the night in her apartment. She told Bubba she ate the other girl out. Ronnie said this was great because that's not the story he got.
Howard played another clip of Ronnie talking about shaving his balls. Bubba was asking Stephanie about her shaving and then she revealed that Ronnie is bald. Ronnie said he's not bald. She said that he shaves them all the time for her. He said that he's not totally bald. He does shave his balls for her though. Bubba asked Ronnie about eating out assholes with chicks too. Ronnie made that revelation too. Ronnie said that he does anal once in a while too. Bubba asked if he has ever taken a strap-on up his ass. Ronnie said he hasn't but she has put her tongue there.
Howard said she must love him if she has used her tongue on his ass. Howard said he was very open with the sex life stuff. Spice and Bubba were asking Ronnie about how she gets in there and got really graphic. Ronnie asked if they were in the room with him the night before.
Howard thanked Bubba and RadioIO for this audio. Howard played a little more of the clip of Spice and Bubba talking about what she must do to him. Spice asked how close he was to the description of what happens. Ronnie said he was at a 9 out of 10.
In the clip Gary told Howard he had a caller who was upset with him. Howard picked up on her and she told him that she doesn't like his sign off with the belching. Howard was trying to talk to her but she was listening to her radio. Howard told her to turn it off. She was about to and Howard mumbled that she was an ''old crow'' so she flipped out on him. She told him if he does that she's going to sue him. She ended up hanging up.
Howard spent a minute talking about what kind of life he thinks that woman has. Howard said she probably smells and she's probably got her hair in a bun and a moustache.
After an edited out break Gary told Howard he had the old lady on the phone again and this time she had her son with her. Howard picked up and talked to that guy and told him he thinks that she has a foul mouth. The son said that Howard has no right to do that. Howard said the son is an incoherent as his mother. The guy refused to tell Howard what he does for a living. The caller said he's stupid.
Howard asked to speak to the mother so she got on the phone again. She started out slow but then started yelling that Howard is a monster and every word he uses is ''I'' and he's the most egotistical person she's ever heard. She went off on Robin too. The woman said that he's a moron and she hopes he drops dead. Howard called her an old goat and said her son sounds as stupid as she does. He said that she's working on a zero level of intelligence.
They were listening to their radio so Howard told the old cow how dopey she was. Howard told her to go to hell and to ''Die! Die! Die!'' so she hung up again.
Howard said that woman is a coward. He said it's her and her mentally deranged son. Howard said he wants them to come down there so he can beat both of them up. Howard said he doesn't care if she's a woman or not. He said she's a pig. Howard said the son speaks just like her too. He said it's unfortunate that he was raised by a mongrel like that.
After another edit Gary told Howard that the woman was back on the phone. She was saying that she was going to sue them. Howard said he's going to counter sue. The son was on the line too. The woman said that she's not going to let him treat her like this. She said Howard was harassing her. Howard said she's the one who called him and she's the one who is harassing him. Howard said she can't call him anymore. The woman said that Howard goes around ridiculing people and they have feelings too. Howard called her an old bat. She just kept going saying that Howard isn't above the law. Howard said he's suing her and she hung up once again.
Howard said he will continue to harass her by taking her calls. He said she's the dumbest woman he's ever heard. He said her IQ must be below a peanut. Howard said that woman is harassing him. Howard said she's a coward and she won't get into a dialog with him. He said she just wants to spew out that filth.
Howard said he wants to debate this woman. He said he'd bet that he's smarter than her. Howard said she's such a coward that she won't accept that challenge.
Stuttering John's Many Screw Ups. 7/22/98. 6:15am
Howard spent about an hour talking about how Stuttering John can't do his job correctly. It started with how John doesn't bring Howard the Billboard top 5 songs. Howard was making a bit out of it each week but John just doesn't get to it quick enough for Howard. Howard wanted to do it this morning but the list he had was from June 24, a little out of date. Then the discussion led to why John wasn't invited out to do ''The Magic Hour'' with the rest of the crew. The reason behind that was the fact that John made a fool out of Howard the last time they were out in Los Angeles at the Four Seasons Hotel. John had run up a huge tab on his hotel room and smoked some pot out by the pool. Howard thinks that John made him look bad so he doesn't want to hang out with John anymore. A little later in the show AJ Benza called in and said that the people at the Four Seasons Hotel are still talking about John's antics. That led to them bringing in the bills from that visit to the hotel. Jackie and Fred both had a hotel tab of $957. Stuttering John had run up $2314! He tried to say that it was high because he signed for a bunch of people's tabs while they were out at the pool one day. Howard says he won't hang out with John anymore because of it.
Today's Fight Week was over around 10:55am.
In the clip Howard said he was talking to a guy who says that Robin is a bad tipper. He was calling in from Las Vegas. Howard picked up on the guy and the caller told Robin that she was in Las Vegas over a year ago and she stayed at the Riviera. Robin said she didn't stay there. Robin said she left. The caller said Robin got a free room out there and she complained and bitched for two days and two nights. Robin said she stayed for a half hour.
Robin said she was on a book tour and the book company was planning this tour. She said they had no hotel for her to stay in. Robin said they don't know how to deal with anyone in Las Vegas so the radio station called up and asked to make the arrangements. They had done it for Jackie before. Robin said that should have been her first tip off that it was a bad idea. Robin said she walked into the hotel and Elvis greeted her at the door. Howard said he'd be out of he greeted him at the door. Robin said she went to the room and she didn't care for what she saw. She said she wasn't comfortable there. Robin said they were doing everything they could for her but the lobby reeked of wine and cigarettes. Robin said the stench hit her as soon as she walked in.
The caller said Robin called someone at the place and told them she was from the Howard Stern Show and she wanted a free room. Robin said she did not ask for a free room. Robin said she doesn't make any phone calls. The caller said she wanted a free room because she's Robin. Robin said she did not. The caller said she was there for almost a week. Robin said she did not.
Stuttering John said that The Riviera is a fine hotel. He said he's stayed there too. The caller kept trying to tell Howard what he knew but Robin was talking over him. He told Howard that Robin makes fun of Jackie for asking for a free room and she did the same thing. Robin said she never did. She said she went to another hotel and stayed there for $900 a night.
The caller said he was asked to bring Robin's luggage to her room. He said they asked for a free room too. Robin said she never asked for anything free. She said maybe the radio station did but she never did it. The caller said he brought her luggage to the room. Howard said he said he carried it but then someone else did it. The caller said he knows she called. Howard said he's not sure if he cares.
Robin said she didn't want that room and she went to another hotel. She said this was something that the radio station took care of. She said it wasn't her.
Howard said Robin is on fire. Robin said she doesn't ask for anything. Robin said she went to the Mirage and stayed there. She said she paid for every cent of it too. Jackie laughed. Howard asked if he thinks she's guilty because she's protesting too much.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he worked at that hotel and he knows the guy who called in. He said he was telling the truth. The caller said she did act the way he said she did. Howard said she said she went to another hotel. The caller said she did ask for a free room. Robin said she did not ask for a free room. She said maybe someone from the radio station did it. Robin said she did not make any call.
Howard asked what the big deal is. The caller said he's just saying that the other guy wasn't lying. Robin said she paid $900 for a suite at the Mirage and she wouldn't ask for a free room at this hotel if she was going to stay at another one. Howard said he has to take a break. He said he's not sure what they just did.
In the clip Howard said he really had to talk to Gary. Jackie said no one has ever eaten so much popcorn during a commercial break before. He said Gary gets worked up and eats. Gary said he's not sure why they have to pound away at him so much. Howard said that Gary came in during the commercial and told him he needed 10 seconds of his time after he did an interview. He said Gary asked him not to leave until he speaks to him. Gary asked why he did that. Howard asked what was so important. Gary wanted to wait until after the interview. Howard said it sounded like bad news to him. He said he was trying to guess what it was. He said he always has bad news. Howard said he knew it was going to be bad news now.
Howard said he was wondering what the hell Gary knew that he could be keeping from him. Howard said Gary is into delegating. He said he should have just come up to him and said he had something to talk to him about after the interview. He said Gary would rather tell him what to do and stick aroudn so he can seek him out. Gary said Howard is the biggest spin doctor. Howard said he's telling the truth. Gary said Howard has snuck out of there on many occasions. He said Howard will just leave without coming to him.
Howard said Gary doesn't understand. Robin asked if he has no way of contacting Howard if he does leave. Gary said he can contact him but he'd rather speak to him in person. Howard said as soon as he tells Gary that he can't tell him now then he knows that something is going on. Gary told him to get over it. Howard told Gary to get over it. He told Gary he doesn't like that he keeps information from him. He doesn't get what he did wrong. Gary said he does get it and they figured it out already.
Howard said he told Gary to tell him what the information is and he still won't tell him. Gary told him to get over it. Howard said he's not the person to be answering the phone if he's telling him to get over it. Howard said he's getting personal information and keeping it from him. Howard asked what kind of life he's having. Robin was going off on him too and Gary told her to quiet down. Howard said he has no business telling her to be quiet. Howard said that she's his superior. Gary said they're all colleagues and she's not his superior.
Howard said he's going to straighten this out and tell Gary who's who there. Gary said he doesn't mind getting yelled at but not by so many people at once. Howard told Gary to repeats after him. Gary refused to do it. Fred was ready to go doing his Gary voice. Howard had Fred repeat after him instead.
Howard had Fred going and Jackie ended up spitting his water all over the studio. Jackie said that was a very good read. Howard said Jackie just sprayed him. Jackie said he's not sure what he said but it went right through him. Gary said he's glad that he could give them so much entertainment at his expense.
Howard said he thinks it was Fred saying ''My boffy boff'' that got to him. He said he has to remember that when Jackie is drinking water.
Howard said Robin is second in command there. He told Gary that she is his boss. Gary said this is all news to him. Howard said he wants to know what the news is and he wants to know it now. He said he was going to take a break and find out what it is. Howard said it's so much pressure for Gary to tell him stuff. He said he's demanding that he meet with him after the show because of this. Howard said he had another half hour to go on the air and now he's bogged down with information.
Howard said Gary is the one who started this. He said he doesn't get how he caused it either. Howard said he's going to take a break and Gary is going to tell him the news. Howard said he got sprayed by Jackie in there. Jackie said that water came out of his nose too.
Actress Sally Kirkland Talks About Her Breast Implant Removal. 8/17/98. 8:00am
Last week Robin read an article about how Sally Kirkland was going into the hospital to have her breast implants removed. Today Howard spoke to Sally about her problems. Sally claims that the silicone implants she got back in the mid 1980's caused many health problems for her since 1989 or so. She said that the silicone leaked and she eventually suffered from chronic fatigue syndrome among other health problems. She rambled on and on about her problems and wouldn't let Howard get a word in. She also cursed a couple of times so Howard had to hit the delay a couple times. Sally said that she did have the silicone implants removed in 1995 and replaced them with saline. She then somehow had scar tissue build up around the implants and up to her collarbone. That's what she had operated on I guess. She says that she looks great now that she's had reconstructive surgery to fix her breasts. Howard took a bunch of phone calls while Sally was still on the phone and none of them were very nice. Guys were yelling at her for being annoying and women were yelling at her because she shouldn't have gotten the implants in the first place. It sounded like so much fun that I had to call in. I told Sally that maybe all of her health problems were being caused by her getting OLD. She claims that she looks very sexy in an upcoming movie she just shot.
Howard's Quirkiness. 2/13/97. 8:30am
Howard and the gang spent about 45 minutes talking about how quirky Howard can be. He doesn't think that he is but everyone around him seems to disagree. It all started when Howard asked if a certain door could be removed from the hallway at the station. He thought it was kind of stupid to have a door, that doesn't really do anything, in the middle of a hallway. Tom Chiusano explained that the door separates two air conditioning zones so it has to stay. That led to the discussion about how Howard has to have things a certain way. There wasn't much going on today so they had plenty of time to talk about all of this.
They played the show clip where Howard talked about that night light Jackie and his wife got him. He said it was blue and Jackie always does stuff like that. He said you get blue for a boy and pink for a girl. He said Jackie should have known that. Jackie said that was Nancy who bought it. He told Howard to call her about it. Howard said they also got the baby a polyester outfit. He said you're supposed to dress them in cotton. Howard said it was only $14.99 too. Howard said that's how much they care about him and his kids. Howard said Jackie is going to go home and beat his wife tonight. He imagined what that might sound like. Howard did his impression of Jackie beating Nancy up.
Howard said the night light was cute but it was blue. He said his wife liked it until she saw the Teddy bear was wearing blue. Then she pulled the outfit out and saw that it was polyester. He said that's like giving the kid a plastic bag to wear. Howard said you give the kid cotton or a cotton mix. The polyester is like wearing a leisure suit. Howard said it was nice they gave him a gift though. He said it is the thought that counts.
Howard said he knew Jackie was going to screw that gift up. Gary said he knows better. He said when his wife buys something he looks it over and makes sure it's a good gift before he gives it. Howard said Jackie's wife always screws up gifts. They talked about some of the other stuff she's given them over the years. Howard said a baby gift is something you have to be careful with. He said it was even worse that she left the $14.99 price tag on the clothes. Howard said Robin's outfits from The Gap had to have been close to $100. Robin said she figured the baby would like something soft. Howard told Jackie he gives him permission to slap his wife around tonight. He went off on Jackie about that for a few minutes. They went to break after that.
Yucko The Clown Visits. 11/18/09. 9:25am
Howard said he heard he had stories to tell but then he told Will last night they were lies. Yucko said that Will is wrong about that. He said that he had some stories about Sal watching porn at the hotels they've stayed at and he thought he was making up the stories when he was just making up the names of the videos he watched.
Yucko asked why he needs stories to come in there. Howard said they need something to talk about. Yucko said they all have bullshit stories they talk about on the show like the fact that Robin isn't dating that artist guy.
Howard said that Yucko brings up a good point there. Howard said Robin is doing this art thing tonight and they're not sure why it's on a Wednesday and why they sent out the invitations a week before. Robin said it was a last minute thing. Howard said a lot of people are afraid to tell her that they can't go. Howard said people have stuff they have to do and they're freaking out because they think Robin is going to be upset about it. Robin said people are just bored.
Jason came in and said he's one of those guys. Yucko told him he looks like four of those guys. Yucko asked if he ate Will back there. Jason told Yucko that his ex still texts him.
Jason said that Robin asked him in the hall yesterday if she was going to see him Wednesday night. Jason said he wasn't sure if he could make it because it was late. Robin said she told him to make it if he can. Jason said that's not the feeling he got. He said he thought she wanted him to go. As Jason was leaving Yucko said that he ''loved him in ''Ice Age'' you wooly mammoth bastard...''
Gary came in and said that he wants to go to this art thing tonight but he can't make it and he feels bad about it. Robin said it's fine if they can't make it. Yucko said he'd go. Gary said he wouldn't make it past security.
Howard said Yucko gets mad at people for not hanging out with him. He heard that he's mad at Gary for not hanging out with him in Vegas. Yucko said that he was mad about Gary busting his balls out there and leading him down the wrong path.
Yucko was goofing on Gary's brother being dead and about his mother being in an old age home. Gary asked if he had spoken to his ex-wife lately. Yucko said he's done with that.
Howard read that Yucko hates Lisa G's cookies. Yucko said they're a bunch of bullshit. Gary said he said a quick hello to Yucko out in the green room and he went back in and spoke to him for about 5 minutes. He said that he can't win with the guy because when he walked out Yucko said ''yap, yap, yap'' like he was talking too much.
Yucko said he was trying to listen to the show and all he heard was Gary talking about why he won't have Bobby Slayton on the show. Yucko did an impression of Gary talking to him that had Artie cracking up. Gary told Yucko that he should read between the lines and see that it takes something special to get on the show and he has to bring something and not just rest on his laurels. Howard asked him why he had to bring up Bobby Slayton in the conversation. He said Gary should have just told Yucko directly.
Gary said that Yucko was a bummer to hang out with for a while after his wife left him. Yucko said that's not true. Howard said that chick fucked the funny out of him. Gary said that people were talking about how depressing he was to be around. Yucko said that divorces aren't a lot of fun.
Yucko said that his ex-wife is working at some biker bar down in Georgia and she kept telling him she wanted out of that state and she ended up settling in down there. Robin said that means it wasn't Georgia she wanted to get away from.
Howard asked Yucko if it's true he's gotten some pussy since his divorce. Yucko said he has and he learned that you just fuck waitresses, not marry them.
Yucko was still goofing on Gary and Gary said that he had even less desire to book him after all of that. Yucko said that goatee he has is really lame too. He said it reminds him of something that gets moldy in your refrigerator after a few weeks.
Gary told Yucko that he has to wear that suit to be funny. Yucko told him that he should put a black light on it. No one got the joke so Yucko explained that it was pussy juice stains from Gary's wife all over it. He had to go a long way for that joke.
Howard asked Yucko about some of the shows he's been doing and found out that Dan the Song Parody Man has been doing some shows with them. Yucko said he usually opens the shows for them. Yucko said Dan is working on some material.
Yucko told a story about Dan the Song Parody Man taking towels and ashtrays from a hotel room out in Vegas. Dan was also drinking the leftover drinks in the room. Artie said he left he guys to keep the room for a night when he left early and Dan ended up cleaning out the room from what he heard. Artie said he took all of the free booze and stuff. Howard said that he was just trying to keep it from going to waste. Yucko said that kind of bothered him. Artie said he didn't see the guy take that stuff, he just heard he did.
Howard gave Yucko some more plugs for the show he's doing in Chambersburg, Pennsylvania. Yucko said that's out in Bumblefuck, Pennsylvania. He said the whole comedy thing isn't really working out and he may just jump out a window from the lobby there.
Howard gave Yucko some more plugs for the shows he's doing and said that one of them is at a social hall in another place in Pennsylvania in East Greenville. Howard asked who booked that stuff. Yucko said he thinks that Bob Levy's guy did that. You can find out more about that and the Damn Show DVD at DamnShow.com (or RevBobLevy.com).
Dan the Song Parody Man was on the phone to defend himself. Dan said that they're out of their minds. He said that he was there to make sure that they didn't rape the room. Dan said he hasn't been drunk in 15 years and he didn't steal anything from the room. Dan said that he didn't do this stuff and he buys ashtrays when he goes to the hotels like that. He said that he's the guy who makes sure that the guys don't take that stuff. Dan said he rarely works for these guys.
Richard Christy came in and said that Dan is a pack rat and they had a room full of junk and Dan asked if he could take the stuff from them. Dan said that wasn't true either. He said that they were wondering what to do with that stuff and he offered to keep the stuff at his warehouse. He said he was doing that to keep it for later. Richard said they were going to throw that stuff away, they weren't going to keep it. Richard said it was old dildos and stuff like that.
Richard said he paid for the rent when Dan let him stay at his place. Gary said that wasn't even Dan's apartment, it was Jeff Beecher's place. Dan said he worked for that apartment. Richard said he paid rent for him though. Dan said he bought groceries for him, that was it.
Shuli came in and said that they did this event for the comedy channel there and they had gift bags set up for people and Dan took one of them. Dan said they gave it to him. He said he didn't snatch it like they were saying. Shuli said the bags were for people who flew out there for the event and Dan wasn't supposed to get one.
Dan said that Shuli doesn't have much material. Shuli said that Dan is the one without material. Dan said he's seen Shuli do great and eat shit on stage. Shuli said that Dan always eats shit on stage. They went back and forth arguing about that. Shuli told Dan to grow up, cut his hair and get a real job.
Artie told Howard a story about Dan driving him up to this event one time and Dan asked him to wire up an event he was working for. Artie said he had to set up speakers and stuff to make sure they got to the gig on time. He said it was pretty funny. Dan said that Artie was up on stage singing ''Tiny Bubbles'' when they were doing the sound check there.
Howard let Dan go and wrapped up with Yucko after that. He gave Yucko some more plugs and ended up talking about Bobby Slayton again. Yucko said he had some stuff about Dane Cook he could say too. He didn't say what it was Gary told him.
Gary said that Bobby Slayton is one of the funniest guys out there and he loves him but he doesn't come off well on the show and now Yucko has made him look like a dick. Yucko said he didn't have to help him out with that. Yucko did his impression of Gary some more and goofed on him for a few more minutes.
Craig Gass' name came up during that conversation. Gary said that the guys in the back were telling him to tell jokes about Craig and Yucko's ex. Howard asked Yucko if he's still mad at Craig. Yucko said he is but not about the wife stuff. He said he's just a two faced douche bag. He said that Craig told him he was upset about the whole wife thing and said he wasn't going to bring it up on stage but then he went up on stage and brought it up. Yucko said he wishes that Craig would do a real impression of Sam Kinison and get killed in a head on accident. Yucko was also goofing on the size of Craig's head saying that it was like one of those Easter Island statues with the giant head.
Gary said he heard that the Craig Gass thing was so bad that he took some people who showed up late to the side at the end of the show to do the material they had missed. Howard gave Yucko some more plugs and went to break after that.
Wrap Up Show - Yucko The Clown, Dan The Song Parody Man And More. 11/18/09. 11:05am
A caller asked Gary about Bobby Slayton and if he was saying that he's the kind of guy that they don't want on the show. Gary said he loves Bobby as a comedian and he thinks he's one of the best stand-ups he's ever seen. He said that he's been on the show and that hasn't translated to the air. He said that bums him out because he likes him so much. Gary said that all came up when they were talking about why it can be hard to get on the show sometimes.
Yucko said that he knows that he'll get on eventually and it doesn't hurt when he doesn't get on. Gary said he thought he was getting upset but that's good to hear.
Gary said that Howard wants the guests to have an agenda so if they don't then Howard doesn't see a reason to do that.
Gary said that he's never really been able to talk to Roger, the man behind the mask of Yucko. He said if you try to be serious with him in the clown outfit it's really tough. Gary said he's been on the show for like 12-15 years but he doesn't know him that well. He said he hears that he's a good guy. Yucko said he likes it that way. He said if you get too close then you get hurt.
Jon asked Yucko about his ex-wife and if he's really over that. Yucko said the first couple of months sucked but he's over it now. He said it's been over a year. Yucko said he's going out and sticking his dick in whatever he can get.
Gary and Jon asked if the outfit can get in the way of dating. Yucko said that it doesn't and he can make a game out of the whole thing. He said that some chicks like him to leave it on and they're really creepy chicks. He said that they have tackle in their pussy and stuff like that. Yucko said he'll do whatever he has to do to get in there. He said he doesn't give a fuck now.
Benjy asked if he stays in touch with the ex. Yucko said they don't. He said that they spoke a few months ago about a car he bought that was in his name. He wanted to get it into her name only so they had to talk about that. He said that they're civil when they speak now.
Yucko said he doesn't give two shits about her now. Gary said he thinks that he's not over her yet. Yucko said he's so over her. Gary said he's going through a stage where he says he hates her but he's really not over her.
Jon asked Yucko about hanging back stage with the guys from the comedy shows they do. Yucko said he's not that close to those guys. Yucko said that he has real friends like the guy he brought with him today. He said that's his buddy.
Gary asked why they're stopping the Killers of Comedy shows. Yucko said that the economy sucks and not that many people are going to shows now. He said that the plugs were pulled too. Gary said that they didn't cut the plugs down that much. They're still getting them in now. Yucko said maybe it's just the fact that they're not funny then.
A caller asked how many chances they were going to give Yucko to be funny today. The caller said he killed the show earlier and he's doing that now to this show. Gary said he thought he was good earlier this morning. He said the angry clown is the funny one. The caller asked when he's going to be funny now. Yucko said he's going to be funny when he fucks his fuckin mother in the fuckin mouth. The caller wasn't amused.
Jon brought up Craig Gass' name and Yucko went off on him again. He said that he and Craig were friendly before his ex-wife came along and then Craig did a 180 on him and started talking shit behind his back. He said that Craig told the stories on stage and stuff like he was involved in the relationship or something.
Shuli said he heard the story from Bob, Craig and Yucko and it seems like Yucko was okay with the whole thing with the chick sending pictures to Gass' phone but then Craig told Yucko he wasn't going to talk about it on stage and then went up and did it. That's what upset Yucko.
Jon asked where the anger toward Dan the Song Parody Man came from. Yucko said he was just joking about some stuff and it snowballed into something huge. Shuli said that Dan pissed him off when he said he didn't have any material. He said that there are a lot of people that could say that to him but not Dan. He said Dan saying it really pissed him off.
Gary said he hears stories from the guys about Dan from everyone. He said he heard a story about Tim Sabean having a lunch at Del Fresco's and they went out of their way to make sure Dan didn't show up but Dan ended up showing up. Gary said Dan lacks the gene that makes you ashamed. He said he can hear Dan dialing now and he knows that he's going to say that they're wrong about that story. Gary said that's the way he heard it though so that's what he's going by.
Shuli said that Dan hears all of these stories and he always has an excuse. Dan was on the phone a few seconds later and said that he shouldn't have said that Shuli had a lack of material. He said that Shuli has done some news stories about him that were wrong. Shuli got upset with Dan for saying his news story was wrong too because he was told by the person who ran the party that Dan was the one who took the gift bag from that party. Dan said he was handed the bag when he was there and he didn't just take it.
Dan said that he's never gone to a lunch that he wasn't invited to either. He said that story that Gary told was bullshit too. Jared came in a short time later and said that Dan wasn't being truthful. He said that Tim had invited only the guys who are on the show that day and Dan wasn't invited. Dan said that he remembers the specifics and he was invited. Dan said Tim asked him to go along with them. Jared said he remembers asking Tim if he was invited and Tim told him that Dan was not invited. Dan said he was set up then.
Gary said that Dan gets set up a lot then. Dan said that he would never do something to give them stuff to talk about. Dan said that he's had other things that Tim has offered him that haven't worked out too and he doesn't complain about that.
Jon wanted to ask Tim if Dan was invited to that lunch. Tim was in a meeting though. Dan said he would pay Tim for the lunch if he wasn't invited.
Jason came in and said that there were two lunches that they may be confusing. He said there was one lunch that Dan showed up to that they were shocked he showed up to because they went out of their way to make sure he wasn't invited. Dan said he has never showed up to a lunch uninvited. He said he never orders expensive stuff on the menu when he goes to a lunch either.
Dan said that they make shit up because they have nothing on him. He said Shuli makes stuff up and he was goofing on the way Shuli looks and how he doesn't get laughs at his show. Shuli went off on Dan and said that Dan doesn't get any laughs. They went back and forth talking about how awful their comedy routines were.
Dan said he's seen Shuli doing the same material over the past 10 years and he didn't mean to say he was a bad comedian earlier. He said he was referring to the news story he had. Dan said if that's the way he's going to treat him then that's bullshit. Shuli said that Dan helped him get his comedy career started and he appreciates that but this stuff is bullshit.
Shuli said that he's helped Dan out on stages that he'll never be allowed back on again. The two of them got into it really heavy and started yelling at each other about this stuff. Shuli said that Dan gets outed on the air and he just threatens people with physical violence. Dan was going off on Shuli and said he hopes that his son is born looking just like him.
Shuli said that Dan took more than one gift bag at that event he did the news story about. Dan said he was wrong about that too. He said that someone handed him something and he took it. He didn't just take it. Dan said that they have slow news days there and they make this stuff up. Dan said he wants to see if Shuli can look him in the eye and tell him these lies to his face. Shuli said he and other people were witness to that stuff he did and he watched Dan walk off with one of the bags. Dan said he didn't see him walk off with it.
Dan said that Shuli is a fuckin piece of shit. Shuli said he's not the one who brings a suitcase to fill up with stuff from a hotel room that was used by a friend of his. Dan said he never did that either.
Gary asked Dan if he thinks that he's being targeted with this stuff or is he just part of a show where they throw each other under the bus. Dan said he's just part of the show. Dan said that he never starts shit with anyone but he doesn't take shit from anyone either.
Jason asked if Dan threatened Langford over the whole Artie money thing. Dan said that he didn't do that and that was bullshit too. Dan went off on Jason about being the bitch boy there and throwing people under the bus all the time.
Jon told everyone to calm down and quiet down. Jon asked Dan if he and Shuli were buddies. Dan said he thought so. He said he has tried his hardest to help his friends be as successful as possible. He said he's helped Shuli out in the past and he's never done wrong by the guy. He said he blew off the handle today when he said he had a lack of material. He said he didn't mean the comedy, he was talking about the news story. Dan said that other people are trying to crowbar in that story about him stealing stuff from the hotel room.
Sal came in and said that Levy's driver told them the story about the stuff being taken and that guy doesn't lie. Sal said he was going by the story he heard from Paul. Sal said he heard the suitcase was so heavy that he had to pay a $50 fee. Dan said it was 6 pounds overweight so he took out the ashtrays he had in there and they weren't stolen from the hotel. He said that he purchased them. Sal said he heard he had pillows, bath robes and toothpaste in the suitcase.
Jon tried to get them to settle down again. He let Dan tell his side of the story. Sal said Dan is never wrong and he's not sure how that can be if everyone has a story for him. Gary said it does sound like everyone is wrong but Dan. Dan said that everyone is trying to make him look like an asshole and it's not true. Dan said he didn't take the ashtrays from the room and he didn't take any bathrobes.
Richard came in with the E! stuff that Dan took and Dan denied that story too. Richard said that Dan was going to back it up and take that junk and it was stuff they weren't going to keep. Dan said that's not true and it was stuff they wanted to keep.
Jason came in and said that he had a story from Jared about that lunch. He said that Jared told him that Tim wanted to take the guys out to lunch who work for him. They asked not to let Dan know about the lunch and Jared says that Dan may have followed him down to lunch and then Tim gave the okay to come to lunch after he found out about it.
Dan said that he thinks that everyone there ganging up on him is the gang mentality and they're just looking for stuff to get on him about. Gary said that Dan can gang up on someone on the show by writing a song parody about it. Dan said that's not ganging up.
Benjy asked Dan if he's going to write a song parody about his hotel thing. Gary started the song off by singing ''Welcome to the Hotel where I fill my suitcase...'' and Sal kept it going with more lines about clearing out the whole room. They had almost a whole song parody written within seconds.
Jon took a call from a guy who brought up the stuff that Shuli and Dan have been saying and that led to the two of them challenging each other to do comedy against each other. Dan said that they need to go to a club where they have a packed room of non-Stern fans.
Gary asked if they could do the comedy challenge tonight. Dan said he's busy until after 10. Gary said that's usually when people go out to comedy clubs so that might work. Dan didn't want any Stern fans at the club. He thought Shuli would have an unfair advantage.
Sal wanted the loser to have to kiss his foreskin. The guys were saying that's very gay. Sal said that he won't bathe for 2 days and it'll smell really bad. They weren't sure how they were going to judge the material. Gary said they should judge it there on the show. Gary said that they could play the audio and have the audience at the club judge it.
Ralph called in and said he called Dan about a year ago and asked him to do a song parody about something and he thought it was piling on too much so he does have scruples about that. Ralph said that people do have something against Dan there and they do pile on him. Ralph said it makes sense that maybe Dan does travel with a robe and ashtrays and he didn't steal anything from that room.
Gary asked why it is that they don't like Dan. Ralph said they just goof on Dan when he's there and he's like the butt of jokes. Gary said he hears that but the jokes come from these stories they tell. He said that he thinks that maybe the jokes come from the stories and not the other way around.
Ralph said Dan puts himself out there for people and he's not an asshole like they think he is. Ralph said this stuff is making him look like a piece of shit. He said Dan is trying to help the E! guys out with the props and stuff and now he's an asshole trying to throw shit in his van and that's fucked.
Dan thanked Ralph for the support. He said that Howard and Artie have been good to him and he's been good to people there and has bought lunch for many of them. Dan said that the picture they're painting of him is so far from what he really is. Jon had to take a break after that.
Pat Cooper Comes In. 2/14/97. 9:10am
Comedian Pat Cooper was in to hang out during the news today. Just before Pat came into the studio Howard was talking him up a bit and said ''..Pat...he's always funny...''. Well Pat thought Howard said ''..who I hope is funny...''. Pat went ballistic. Pat was in the studio and within 2 seconds he was yelling and screaming about dignity. Howard calmed him down a little bit but Pat was on a rampage today. Howard goofed on Pats hair color for a little while. He gets it colored and they make it just a little too bright red. At one point Captain Janks called up trying to make trouble. He said that Pat was on some show recently bad mouthing Howard. Pat denied it and Janks couldn't come up with tape of the show so Howard figured Janks must have made up the story. Another guy called in and said Pat spilled a drink on him at a comedy club. This story was also false according to Pat. Pat had other things to talk about also. Pat took the subway to the studio this morning and had a little run in with a black guy who poked him in the eye with an umbrella. Pat stood up to the guy and yelled at him. The guy threatened Pat and Pat threatened his mother. Good for him.. friggin nut. Howard knows how to get Pat to freak out. All he has to do is mention Joan Rivers name and Pat goes berserk. He went nuts for about 5 minutes about Joan and her daughter Melissa. I'm surprised Pat hasn't died from a heart attack yet. He's so friggin tense. He also went off about Mike Tyson's pet tigers. Pat lives right next to Mike Tyson. He says he can hear the tigers roaring at night. Pat also went nuts about how women use men. He rambled on and on about women and their ''brillo pads''. I'm worn out just from listening to him...
Howard Defends Sal, Battles With Robin. 09/17/09. 7:00am
Howard said he wanted to defend Sal for once. He said he had a clip of Sal on the Wrap Up Show talking about running into him in the hall. Howard said Sal was turning the corner and he stopped him to talk to him for a couple of minutes. Howard said they had a conversation that lasted maybe 2 minutes. It was about the Leno show. Howard said that dropped a bombshell around there. He said that the guys were thinking Sal stalked him and went after him just to talk about the Leno show. Howard said Sal did nothing wrong. He stopped Sal and he had nothing going on like the guys thought it did. Howard played some of that Wrap Up Showaudio as well.
Howard said Sal was trying to defend himself and he's going to back him up on what he was saying. Howard said Sal just happened to turn the corner and it was a random meeting in the hall. Howard said Sal would have stood outside his door if he was stalking him.
In the clip Gary was asking Sal about standing outside his door waiting for Howard and Sal said he never does that. Gary didn't believe it but Howard backed him up on his story. He said that Sal never does that. He said he was the one who stopped Sal in the hall too.
Ralph called in and said that it sounds like the guys were jealous of Sal getting some face time with him. Howard said that might be what it is. Howard said that JD is watching everything going on out there in the hallway. He said that JD is the one who was probably beating off thinking that he should be the one talking to him. JD said that's not what it was like.
Howard said he knocks on JD's window to say hi to him and he just doesn't do anything. JD said he's not sure how to react to that. Howard said ''You just wave back you mutant...'' Howard said JD wasn't able to get out a sentence on the Wrap Up Show yesterday. He played that audio clip as well.
In the clip JD was trying to tell Jon and Gary something but he wasn't able to get it out. JD was stumbling through an explanation about what would happen if he got an invite to the dinner or not.
Howard said JD hates when they have tours come through because he has to be introduced to people. JD said he doesn't know people and he feels weird. Howard said he gets weird when he knocks on his glass too though. JD said sometimes he's working on something and it throws him off.
Howard said that JD was commenting on fancy restaurants too. He played that clip next. JD didn't know what he was saying during that conversation either. Howard said JD is really Napoleon Dynamite.
Artie said that JD comes to his gigs and he never knows what to say on stage either. JD said he just doesn't know what to say when Artie introduces him. Artie said he could come up with something to say after being on the road with him for 2 years.
JD said that the plates at the fancy places are different and he was talking about that on the show yesterday. Howard asked him if he thinks that they have trick plates or something. JD said that could be it too. Howard said the Wrap Up Show was really good yesterday.
Howard said Sal made a good point about Robin yesterday too. He said he hit onto something. He played the clip where Sal was talking about Robin being an alien because she's got such wacky shit coming out of her. Sal explained what he thought about her not being able to find love.
Howard said Sal got it right when he explained what Robin said about wanting to love someone but not wanting to miss someone if she was married to them.
Robin said they got that wrong but Howard said she did say what Sal said she said. Howard asked Robin if she thought it would be unusual if her husband went away and she missed them. Robin said that she would still be able to talk to them and it's not like you can't talk to them again. Howard asked if she would miss that person. Robin said she would look forward to seeing them again.
Howard asked Robin if she finds it odd that he says he's missing Beth while she's away. Robin said that it is odd that he misses her. Howard said she's out of her mind and this is not the person he talks to off the air. Howard told her to stop being this character she created for the air and be the person she is off the air. Robin said she is not crazy but Howard wants her to be crazy. Howard said she is crazy. Howard said she's not even crazy, she's nuts.
Howard asked Robin if she has ever been in love. She said she was in love with Mr. X. She doesn't miss him now though. Howard said he thinks that there's nothing wrong with admitting that you miss someone. Howard said he knew he was going to miss Beth when she went away. He said that is love. Howard said he's in touch with his feelings and Robin isn't. Robin said that he was missing her before she even left.
Howard asked Robin why she worries about her cat dying if he's not dead yet. Robin said she wasn't thinking like that. She said that she was worried about his suffering and if she should put him to sleep. Howard said he's not a 34 on the narcissist scale. Robin said he's probably a 60 if he'd answer the questions correctly.
Howard asked Robin if she'll be sad if she puts her cat to sleep in a month. Robin said that's different than what Howard is going through. Howard asked her why she'd be sad now. Robin said she'll never be with the cat again so that's why she'd be upset. Robin said that Howard can still talk to Beth on the phone and visit her.
Howard asked Robin why people live together at all. Robin said that some people don't. Howard said he agrees with Sal on what he was saying. Robin seemed upset about the whole thing and was yelling at Howard about it all.
Howard said Robin wouldn't miss anyone. Howard said that this is tremendous narcissism on her part. Howard asked Fred what he thinks about all of this. Robin said she didn't want Fred to start in on this. Fred said he thinks that Robin believes what she says but her standpoint is one where she doesn't let herself get attached to people.
Fred said that Sal was being a kiss ass in that clip. He said Sal had to put Robin down before he backed her up. Howard said that Robin did say that she couldn't be in love with someone and miss them. Robin said that she wouldn't want someone to think that she had to control their life by missing them. Robin said she doesn't want someone to think that they can't go away because she might miss them. Howard said Beth loves that he misses her. He said that's part of being a human being.
Robin said that Howard is falling apart without Beth around. Howard said he's actually functioning just fine. Robin said that's bull and he's miserable. Howard said he enjoys being with Beth and he misses that now that she's gone away for a month. Robin said that Howard wouldn't miss her if she wasn't around. Howard said he does miss Robin but not today. He said he needs to get away from her today.
Howard said Robin is in love with him. Ralph said that Robin could never be married. Robin said Ralph could never be married either. Ralph said he knows that and he's willing to admit it. He said Robin isn't willing to admit it.
Howard said he thinks that Robin could be married and she needs a man who would miss her if she wasn't around. Robin said she'd be willing to find that out. Howard said he knows the real Robin and she's a mush and a real romantic. He said she loves romance and she would melt if a man said to her that he missed her while he was away for 2 months.
Howard asked Robin what she would do if she was dating this guy in Florida and he said he missed her. Howard asked Robin if she was seeing someone down there or not. Robin said she did not see anyone down there. Howard said Robin doesn't lie so she must be telling the truth about this. Howard said she never lies to him about that. Ralph wasn't so sure about that.
Howard said that Robin would melt if a guy showered her with love. Ralph asked Robin if she missed Jim when he went out on the road. Robin said she didn't miss him because that's what he does for a living.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Robin doesn't know what it feels like being alone and doesn't know what the fuck she's talking about. Robin said that they're all crazy. Howard said he used to deny missing people even when he did miss them. Now he acknowledges it and Robin is giving him a hard time about it.
Artie said the worst thing is if you miss someone and the other person has no recollection of even going out on a date with you. Howard said he's had that. Howard said his first girlfriend was like that and dated other guys while he was dating her. He thought she was his girlfriend but she didn't know he thought that.
Zolar called in so Howard asked him what he thinks. Zolar said before he goes away he gets the guilt from his woman. Robin said that's what she's talking about and that's just wrong. Zolar was actually backing Robin up in this so Robin told him he was brilliant. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
In the clip Howard was talking about how he was yelling at Jackie and Fred after staying up late writing his movie. Howard said he's sick of everyone there lately. Howard said Baba Booey went scurrying out of there. He said Gary can't handle it when he starts to blow off steam. He said he needs someone to just listen but he runs out of the room. He said that's one thing that bugs him about Gary.
Gary said he knows what upsets Howard. Howard said he doesn't though. Gary said he knows he doesn't like the camera in there. Howard asked why he doesn't like it. Gary thought it was too low. Howard said that's not it. He told Gary he walks out of the room as soon as he starts. Gary said he wrote it down and took care of it. Howard said he had more information for him though.
Howard said Gary should write notes while he rants. Gary said he knew he was upset and he felt he was going to blow up. Howard said he should have stayed in there. He said Jackie and Fred had to take it instead. Howard said Gary could hang in there and listen. He said Gary is the worst producer. Gary said he's under the delusion there's a conversation. Howard said he just wants him to listen.
Howard said he turned off Gary's mic while Robin was going off on him and it pissed him off. Gary walked out of the studio again. Howard said he ran out saying that they're a couple of big asses. Gary came back in but Howard turned off the mic again.
Gary said Howard is a big ass and the other one has a big ass. Howard told him to watch it. He said he's talking to the princess. Robin said he's just upset.
Howard said he sees Gary's moves. He said if he's ranting then there's something disturbing him. He has to learn from his boss.
Howard said Gary could leave but Gary said he was afraid to leave now. He said he wanted to stay until he started a new subject.
Howard said Gary was supposed to come in and remind him of some things. He said he wanted to let off some steam. He said Gary could have stayed and taken notes. Instead he just left. Howard said he was in the middle of pointing out the things that are wrong around there. He said Gary left because he was yelling and he had no right to do that. Gary said sometimes it's better to just leave. Howard said that pisses him off at Gary though. He said he needs someone on his team. Gary said he is on his team. Howard said Gary doesn't get it and he never has.
Gary said he was done and he was out of there again. That led to Fred getting the Gary Puppet going. Howard ended up talking to the puppet instead of the real Gary. Howard told Gary Puppet what he was feeling and what he should have done that morning. Howard said he could have calmed him down and said he could help him out. Howard said if he saw him taking some initiative he would have liked it. Howard said he has had that conversation with the guy before. Howard said you'd think he'd pick up on that.
Howard called Gary and John back in there. Howard said he heard that John was taking phone calls from stock brokers during the show. Howard said if that's true he's going to be upset. Howard said he blames Gary for that. He said he allows John to sit on the phone taking calls like that. Howard said he's not into that. Howard said all he hears is excuses about why things aren't getting done aroudn there. Howard asked Gary why John isn't getting the other work done. Gary said he will check into it. Gary said the articles are done. Howard said they have 12 years of articles that aren't done. Howard said Gary tells him they're too busy to get some stuff done. Howard said he should go home and take calls from stock brokers.
John showed up so Howard told him what Gary should be telling him. John said it's really not Gary's fault. Gary said Howard has turned everything aroudn. He said that it's after the show that they need people to answer the phones. Howard said it sounds like John has time to take calls during the show. He said everyone wants to party off of his ass and he needs people to work hard. Howard asked Gary to resign. Gary said he has to fire him. Howard said he's fired. Gary refused to leave. Howard said he needs 5 Fred Norris' but 5 that actually work.
Howard said if John has time to take calls from stock brokers then he has too much time. Howard said he doesn't have time for stuff like that. Howard said he has work to do. John said he finally figured out a way to make money and now he's going to stop him. Howard said he wants him working there if he's there to work.
Howard asked Gary why he can't see his point of view. He said he can't wait to see John try and find a job. He said when he works for a real boss he'll get his balls busted and he'll see what real work is. Howard said it's a gravy train aroudn there. Howard said he has to go get a real job to see what it's like.
Howard had Gary repeat after him. Gary did it without arguing. Howard had Gary talking about what his job is there and how inferior he is. Howard said he has to take a break now. Gary Puppet had a few things to say before he did that.
Stuttering John said he booked a guest for the show today. Gary said he booked the guy and John didn't know that he had already done it. Then Gary told Howard everything that John did wrong today. Howard told them to go work out their situation in the back. Howard said he can take his phone calls when everything is done aroudn there. Howard said he can make those calls at home. He said he's not there all day long so he has time to go home and make the calls. John said he's just trying to make a little money. John said he woke up in such a good mood. He said he put in a 30 hour day yesterday. He thanked him and Gary and tried to wrap up.
Gary said he knew he was in for it today when he saw there were no guests on the list. Howard said he doesn't need guests. He doesn't want guests.
John said he thought that Howard was going to yell at Gary for sleeping in the back. Gary said he's just joking and he doesn't sleep. John said he goes back to the office to talk with some people. Gary said he goes back to listen to cassettes and he talks to Peggy about guests they can book for the show. He said he doesn't sleep. Howard said he's bored with this and he has to get out of there. He said they're arguing for the camera now.
Robin was asking if Gary is on the phone with stock brokers too. Howard said Gary puts in his 8 hours of work and runs right out of there. Gary came back in and went off on Robin about her comments. Gary said that Howard thinks that if someone doesn't have a broom up their ass that they're not busy enough. Gary asked if he can take a call from his pregnant wife if she calls in. Howard said he'll let Gary figure that one out. Then he changed his mind and told Gary that he can't take calls from his wife. Gary said he just needs the list. He said ''no stock brokers and no wife.''
Howard told Gary to make sure no one is taking calls from stock brokers back there. He said it's a good thing that Robin is out there looking over things. He said Gary should be his eyes and ears but Robin has to be. He said Robin is his eyes and ears. Gary said that's one phrase. Howard said she'll be watching, make all the jokes you want.
Howard changed subjects again and brought up something that he talked about recently. He said that he spoke to Shari Lansing from Paramount Studios and asked her why she never puts him in any movies since he's party of the company. She wondered which movies Howard could have been in so Howard got a list of the movies the studio put out over the past year or two. He started mentioning a couple of them but ended up getting in an argument with Gary about something he told him earlier. Gary had told Howard that some guy who wears the outfit of some baseball team mascot was gay. It turned out Gary was wrong so Howard went off on him for giving him bogus info. Gary told Howard to ''just move on'' with the show but Howard said ''F-you'' and continued to rip on him about how he could get sued over something like that. He goofed on Gary for a couple of minutes and made up some other fictional stories Gary could have come in with. He got off all of that to get to the hot chick that was coming in.
Today's Fight Week: Round 3 was over around 10:55am.
In the clip Howard was talking about this Newlywed Game they were going to play on the WWOR (Channel 9) TV show. Howard said they were planning on doing the game and he was going to have Robin as Robin Eubreasts. Howard said they had some other ideas for names but that's not important.
Howard said they were going to have him and his wife and some other celebrities on the show. He said they wanted Steve Gutenberg on the show but his wife didn't want to do it. Howard said they asked Roseanne and Tom to come on but they didn't want to do it either. Howard said they tried everyone and it just wasn't working out. Howard said Joe Piscopo was another one but their answer was very vague.
Howard said he decided last night that since they were doing a wrap up kind of show that they would just play the game between him and his wife and Fred and his wife, Gary and his wife and Stuttering John and his wife. Howard said they could play against themselves. He said that would be pretty funny actually. Robin said that he's be playing against people who have been married for 10 minutes. Howard said he didn't have much of a choice.
Howard said all of a sudden he wasn't able to get Baba Booey's girlfriend to do it. Howard said Gary told him she didn't want to do it. Howard said he called Gary and told him this is how they make a living. Howard said if he's not successful then Gary isn't successful. Howard said they were in a bind. Gary told him he was there 100 percent for him but he can't force his girlfriend into it. Howard said you have to explain to them that the economy is kind of dark right now.
Howard said he called up Dan, their producer, and told him what was going on. He said he could have had Jackie play the game but he's a writer and he needs him to write. Howard said Nancy would be too into it and Jackie is too savvy. Howard said Fred, Gary and John's girlfriends and wives wouldn't be so savvy.
Howard said he told Dan he was pissed off about this girl. He said he wasn't going to go to their wedding. He said she's the enemy to him. Howard said he was in a fit of craziness. He said he gets crazy over this stuff. You're either with him or against him. Howard said it bothers him a lot. Howard told Gary that he has to stop fraternizing with the enemy. Howard said he knows people think he's sick but he sees people trying to take away his living. Howard said it's like two computer companies with spies trying to find out what they have.
Howard said Tom is like that too. He said they called him to do something with someone who is an enemy to him. He said he doesn't work with that person and he's not on his team.
Howard said Fred just showed him the spots sign. Howard said he's on fire right now and he can't stop. He kept going.
Howard said he was really mad about Gary's girlfriend. He said that Gary has more to lose than he does. Howard said Gary doesn't have to do that much on the TV show either. He said he could have talked his girlfriend into it. Dan told him that he could have spoken to the girlfriend and told her what they were going to do. Howard said Gary said he couldn't talk to his girlfriend. Howard said he heard that and blew his stack. He said he wasn't going to let Gary get married when he heard that. Howard asked Gary if he's sure he wants to get married. Gary said he's positive.
Gary said that he's only getting Dan's side of the story. Howard said he could have let her talk to him. Gary said the whole thought of being on TV scares his girlfriend. He said she didn't want to deal with Dan. Gary said Dan is a jackhammer and pummeled him about this. He said he was almost about to cry and he knows what Dan is like. He said he didn't want to let his girlfriend talk to him. Howard said Dan is a worker. He said Dan told him that this was their last show and they had to get the right people. Gary said it just scares her and she didn't want to do it.
Gary said they painted him to not be a team player. He said he is such a team player. Gary said that's what Dan was doing to him. Howard said Fred is married to a princess and she was willing to do it. Gary said Dan is intense and he's a hammer. He said she just didn't want to do it. Howard said she's marrying Gary Dell'Abate and she should be able to talk to Dan. Gary said he's not going to let Dan hassle her. Howard said when the TV show goes away then maybe Gary can go work for some other show.
Dan Forman was on the phone so Howard took his call. Dan told Howard that he wasn't hammering Gary. He said he just wanted her to get the real story and not ''the Gary story.'' Gary said there was no story. He said she just didn't want to do it and she didn't want to be put on the phone with anyone. Gary said she knows that they were going to try and get her on the phone. Dan said he just wanted her to understand what they were doing. Gary said she doesn't have to do this. Howard said she doesn't have to do it but he should have let them try to talk her into it. Gary said he tried. He said they're acting like he didn't try.
Howard said Dan is a team player. Dan said this really isn't about kissing butt. Howard said Gary was reacting more to Dan than his girlfriend was. Gary said they don't know what was going on in his house. Robin asked why she didn't want to talk to Dan. Gary said she knew what he was going to try to do. Gary said she didn't want to hear the pitch.
Gary said he feels they're being unfair to him. Howard said they're really not. Gary said they should have John come in there and tell them that he was threatened with being fired if his wife didn't do it. Dan said that was a joke. Howard said John doesn't have to show up if he doesn't want to. Howard said none of them have to show up. He said he can go back to doing the show by himself if he has to. He said he's done it before.
Stuttering John came in and said he heard that Dan said Karen didn't have a choice. Howard said they all have a choice and if she doesn't want to do it then she doesn't have to do it. Howard said no one has to do anything for him. He said he's sick of John's face. He yelled at him to get out. Howard said Karen told him she was into doing it. He doesn't want to hear about this. Howard said he wants winners there, not losers. Howard said they need a team of winners. Howard said Dan is his boy.
Howard said Dan is a man and he told him he'd do whatever he had to do to make this game work. Howard said Dan is a winner. A winner who won't get laid for 3 months but a winner. Howard said Gary could have let Dan talk to his girlfriend and it would have been fine. Howard said she doesn't have to do the show but she could have talked to her. Gary asked if he still wants to talk to her. Dan said he would still talk to her.
Howard told Gary not to get married. Gary told him not to tell him what to do. Gary said she told him before Dan even called that she didn't want to talk to him. Gary said when someone doesn't want to do something the way to get them to do it isn't to call 20 times in a row. Dan said he was calling to find out if they could move on.
Gary said he's done and those guys are jerks. Howard said he has no problem telling him what he thinks of him. Howard said that's the problem. Howard said if he was more of a rat bastard then everyone's girlfriend would be jumping on the show to please him. Howard said he's too good a guy.
Fred got the Gary Puppet and talked to Dan for a few seconds. Howard said he's really not mad at Gary's girlfriend. He said he's disappointed in Gary. Gary came back in and talked more to Dan about what went on. They went back and forth about the same thing again.
Dan said he's not a dangerous guy and he can't bite her through the phone. Howard said Dan has asked to speak to his wife and he has told him that he will give access to her. He said he won't deny him that. Dan said he talked to Howard's mother once and he found out she didn't want to appear on the show and that was that. They wrapped up a short time later.
In the clip Howard was talking about hearing Gary yelling out in the hall. Gary and Scott were fighting and Tom interrupted and stopped it. Howard said Tom always interrupts. He said he doesn't know when to stay out of it.
Gary came in and told Howard that they were fighting over ''Best Of'' because Scott wasn't getting it done. Gary said he and Scott have an agreement to get it done a week ahead of time so they should be fine. Gary said they got audio and video of the fight too.
After an edited out break Howard had the audio of Scott and Gary fighting. Stuttering John said that Scott refuses to come in. Howard told him to go get him. He said he has to get in there. Howard said it's no fun unless he plays it in front of Scott. Howard said they all have eyes on the door now. Gary said they'll hear the thump of feet if he does come. Howard said Scott is upset that he has a big work load because they're going on vacation. John came back and said that he's not coming. Howard told Robin to go get him.
Howard told Jackie to stick the microphone out in the hall so he can hear. Gary said he heard noise but then the door shut. Howard said he wishes he had a microphone. Jackie said maybe he can open Scott's door too. Howard said this is good stuff. There was some yelling going on out in the hall. Howard stayed quiet so they could hear her.
Gary asked if Scott was yelling. Jackie said he had Best Of rolling at double speed and Scott said he was too busy to come in. Howard said he's going to be a lot more uncomfortable if he doesn't come in. Robin was still out there. Gary said he had better move so he can fit in there. Robin managed to get him in there.
Scott came in and he said he didn't want to come in. He said he's upset because he doesn't get to read Newsday. Gary and Scott went at each other about what time they get to work and how much time they work. Gary said he was just fighting back with Scott about the Newsday thing. Scott said there is no rationale to that argument.
Howard said this happens every year with Scott. Scott said he knows he has to get Best Of done. Howard told him to do two hours a week and he'd get it done. Howard said he's seen this happen time after time. Scott said he has an intern and she doesn't know how to do everything. He said he has to teach her. Howard said he wouldn't be in this crunch if he started earlier every year.
Gary said that as long as people finish their work it's fine to play Prodigy Baseball. Scott said he does that for maybe 10 minutes and that's it. Gary asked why Scott is comparing himself to others. He said he has a job to do and everyone else has another job to do.
Scott said he doesn't have to be reminded that he has to get Best Of done. He said he knows it has to be done but Gary tells him every time that he has to get it done. Gary said it makes him nuts when he doesn't get things done and he has things that aren't getting done on time.
Howard said he was going to play the tape of Gary and Scott going at each other. In the clip Gary was saying that Scott is a chronic complainer. The show was running behind them so it was kind of distracting. Gary and Scott eventually leave the studio and go into the hall to argue. Gary yelled at Scott that he should have gotten this stuff done two months ago. Scott claimed that he works on Best Of all the time. Gary called him a liar. Scott said he's not going to take this bullshit and he's out of there because Gary is an asshole. Howard had to hit the delay on that because someone missed a word. Gary said that was John who missed it.
Howard asked John how he bleeped it. John said he saw the guy cutting the words and he must not have edited it right. Gary said he's a public affairs director who edited it. John said he was in a rush so he must have missed it.
Gary said Scott is really good at what he does when he does it. That led to them talking about the new digital workstation that he's using. Scott said he's still trying to get used to that so that makes things take a little longer.
Gary asked if Howard wanted Scott to fix that clip. Howard said he does. Fred, doing his Scott impression, said that will cost him 2 hours of Best Of.
Scott said he honestly tries to get this stuff done. He said he's not messing around back there. Gary said that Scott is fine except for 2 months out of the year. Howard went to break a short time later.
Various Stuff. 10/8/02. 6:05am
Shuli called in and had a quick game for Howard to play. He had a list of women and Howard had to say which one he thought wouldn't tell on him if he slept with them. He started the game and came up to the wives on the show. Here's the short list they got through and the woman Howard thinks would be least likely to squeal on him:
The Tension Is High With Langford, Brandano, Harmeyer And Fox. 10/02/08. 9:50am
After the break we heard some prank calls Sal and Richard made to ''Community Cop.'' Fred played some Dire Straits ''Money For Nothin'' as they were coming back. That led to the guys talking about what happened to that band. Howard talked the song up as if he were a DJ back at WNBC and tried to hit the post. Howard let the song play and kind of sang along with it.
Howard said he could listen to that song for a while but he had to get Steve Langford in there. Steve came in and said they have a story about Steve Brandano and Jared Fox yelling at each other after the show. Steve tried to interview the two of them but Jared wasn't speaking. Now Steve Brandano hates Steve Langford more than he hates Jared.
Howard said he had tape of Steve yelling at Jared. He said that he heard that Jared dragged Steve into the green room and worked it out for like an hour. Steve stood outside waiting for them to finish and when they came out Steve went off on Langford. Steve B came in and said that he was just reminded how much he hates Langford after that.
Howard said that Steve B had a girlfriend and Langford did something that upset him. Steve B said that he had gotten tickets for a concert with Richard Christy. He said that Langford wanted to cover the story but his date didn't want to be interviewed. He said that he told Langford not to interview her and the first thing he did was put a microphone in her face.
Langford said that he was told that Steve didn't want him to interview her after he interviewed her. Steve said it's been a couple of years since it went down and there's nothing wrong with asking people questions. Steve B said that he was bending over backwards to give him a story and he screwed him over. Langford said that he's no star and he wasn't giving him a big story.
Jason came in and said that Langford was being an asshole that night. Jason said that he likes Langford but he was an asshole that night. He explained how Langford was badgering the girl and she had to go back up to her hotel room because Langford wouldn't leave her alone.
Steve B said that Langford asked them not to have this girl on who claimed he had a big penis. Steve said he would never tell the show what to do.
Howard asked Steve B what he and Jared spoke about in the green room for an hour. Steve said that it was about 30 minutes of them hashing stuff out.
Langford said that they were screaming in the green room and the whole office heard everything. Steve B said that he and Jared worked things out and they're all good, but he's still on JD's side. He said that Jared was very professional and they're both going to change the way they act toward each other there in the office.
Howard asked when JD and Jared are going to sit down and work out their differences. Steve B said that he wouldn't hold his breath on that.
JD came in and said that Jared is the type of person he prefers not to deal with and he's not going to work things out with him. Howard said he heard that Jared wanted to work things out with him but JD has refused. JD said ''Whatever..'' and said that he doesn't want to talk about this guy anymore. He'd prefer to have them drop the whole thing.
Howard didn't want to drop it. He asked Jared to come in and tell them what's going on. Howard asked JD if he would go into the green room to talk to Jared for 5 minutes. JD said he's fine with not having him as a friend or whatever. JD said that it's not about Jared, it's all about him. JD said that Steve is a better man than he is.
Howard said that they're going to have JD handcuffed to Jared for 24 hours. JD said that we'll see about that. He said he's really not motivated by money and he's not interested in making Jared any richer either.
Jared came in and said that he and Steve worked things out yesterday after he heard Steve talking about him on the air the other day. He said that he's going to try and change the way he acts with the people in the office after hearing what Steve had to say.
Jared said that he thinks it would take a lot longer than a half hour to work through his problems with JD. JD asked what they were doing to him and didn't have any desire to work things out with him. Howard asked JD to look at Jared, in his eyes, and talk to the guy.
JD said that he was back in Richard's office and Richard said ''Hey! Jared my man!'' and Jared responded with ''Hey! Richard my man... and JD NOT my man.'' Howard said he was probably just kidding. JD said he wasn't kidding.
JD said that people can have differences and there's no reason to get into a room to talk about it. Jared said that he was friends with JD before all of this happened. Fred asked JD if he really liked Jared before this ''break up'' or if he was just tolerating him. Howard asked Fred how he got into this. He asked Jared to say to JD what he would say off the air.
Jared said that he enjoyed being friends with JD and he'd like to move forward and fix this. JD said that he think that they're better off not being friends and he would prefer to keep it that way. Jared asked him what it was that really upset him because Steve was able to give him an example.
JD said that Steve voiced the stuff that pretty much... whatever. He didn't finish his thought. Howard said that Jared was working his way through this whole thing but JD wasn't trying. Howard said that what Jared said was moving and he was going to let JD respond to it. JD said that he thinks that they're better off just dealing with each other as professional workers and not friends.
Jared wanted to know what it was that set him off though. He said he'd like to know exactly what that was. JD said that he finds Jared very arrogant and he doesn't like dealing with those kind of people. He said he'd prefer not to be friends and just be co-workers.
Jared wanted an example of what he did but JD said that maybe he corrected it but... whatever. He said he's moved on and just wants to move on from all of this. He said he has enough friends.
Howard told JD that he and Jared can do this 24 hour thing with the two of them. Jared asked if JD agreed to do it. Howard said he thinks that JD will do it. Gary said they have a bonus $1000 to give the guys if they can make it through the whole 24 hours.
Howard asked Jared when he last got some pussy. Jared said he got laid last night. He said he's seeing someone right now and she is very attractive. He said she's a nice Jewish girl. JD said ''good for him.'' JD said that he can bang as many chicks as he wants, he doesn't care. Artie said that he is banging as many as he wants and laughed at JD.
Artie said that Jared introduced him to one of the hottest chick he's ever met. Howard said that Jared introduces hot chicks to guys all the time. He said it's like the peace pipe but it's actually ''peace pussy.''
Ralph said that this shows how great a guy Jared really is because he's trying to be friendly toward JD even though JD hates him for no reason.
Howard asked Jared if it was true that he banged a Penthouse pet. JD said he didn't care about that. He said that Jared was lying to him half the time he would tell them that he was banging chicks anyway. Jared said that they would joke around about some stuff back in the office.
Howard said he heard that it ruined JD's weekend when he found out that Jared had banged a Penthouse Pet. JD said that's not true.
Howard said he likes that Jared came in and tried to make up with JD. JD said that Jared is fine, he's the one with the problem, not Jared. JD said that he's fine with the way he is... sort of.
Howard asked JD if he wanted to go over and shake Jared's hand. JD said he just wanted to get out of there. Howard said that Jared has a really great, manly handshake. JD left and gave Howard the finger as he was leaving. Howard said he could listen to that all day. He and Fred did impressions of JD and goofed on him a little bit. Artie said that it's like watching Superman around Kryptonite but JD isn't anything like Superman.
In the clip Howard was talking about Stuttering John hanging out with a guy at a baseball game behind home plate. Howard said he wanted to know how John met the guy and asked when he's going to stop using the show to get free gifts. Howard said he can't figure out how to glom off his own listeners but John can. John said he's been friends with this guy for 7 years. He met him on the phone there though. Howard went off on John for using his phones to meet people and then make friends so he can glom off of them.
Howard said the way he sees it is that he's not allowed to use his listeners for his personal use. Howard said he's sick of it. He asked how much clearer he could be. Howard said John will argue with him about this but he's being very clear.
Howard and John argued about that for a couple of minutes. John said that Howard has made friends with people on the phone. He said Ralph was one. Howard said that Ralph applied for a job with the TV show and he got a job there. He said he didn't make friends over the phone. Howard said that people want to be associated with the show and John is using them. Howard said it's not his friend.
Howard kicked John out and then Benjy said he won't argue with him about John. He said he does have a question though. Howard said they are not there to wheel and deal with his audience. Howard said he's sick of it. Howard said Benjy is retarded. Benjy said he is not.
Howard pretended to be a caller and said he wanted to talk to Benjy. Benjy played along and Howard asked if he wanted to take part in an IPO. Benjy said he didn't have any money and he doesn't do business with the show. Howard said he's not retarded after all. Benjy said he does have a question about this. He asked if it's okay to meet girls on the street who know you from the show. Howard said that's fine. He said that doesn't enter into it.
Howard said he thinks this stuff is very simple. He asked if John is silly or what. Gary said he didn't get a lot of sleep last night. Howard said that's not his fault. He asked why everyone isn't getting any sleep aroudn there. He said if you can't handle the job then get out.
Howard said he wishes he hadn't fired John. He said he has more to yell at him about. Howard told Benjy to get him so he can re-hire him and fire him all over again. John came in and said he's cleaning out his desk. Howard asked if he understands what he's saying. John said he thinks Howard is out of his mind. Howard said they have to part ways then. Howard said John doesn't get it. John went off on Robin and said she's the biggest bitch he's ever met. He said he's fired already so it doesn't matter.
Howard said he brought John in for a second chance and this is how he's going to handle it. John said he doesn't know what the problem is. Howard said if he understood then he'd have business to do with John. Howard said John claims to have an IQ of 136 but he can't seem to prove it. John asked Gary why he didn't book any guests for the show. He said he knew that someone was going to get yelled at today. John said he can't understand Howard's asinine logic. Howard said goodbye to him again. He told john he gave him a second chance and he blew it.
Howard said John can have as many friends as he wants now. He can answer the phones at his house and take calls from all of his friends. Howard said he can't believe he still doesn't understand. Howard said John would rather lose his job.
Howard asked John how he met this guy. John said his partner called the show and he went to the firm. He said it was a business thing. Howard said John wheeled and dealed and that's how he made friend with that guy. Howard asked John why he's using his phones to make deals. John said he did it off hours. Howard said it's unbelievable that he can't get the concept. John said he knows people are going to call him because he works there. He said they get thousands of calls a day. Howard said he doesn't wheel and deal on his phones though.
Howard tried to get John to understand and he tested him out with a call like he did with Benjy. Howard called as a guy from a brokerage firm and told John that he could guarantee him some money. John did the right thing and told him that he can't do business over the phone at work. Howard said John did the right thing there. He said the way he handled that call was unbelievable. Howard said it shows that he understands the policy. Howard said he should get a raise. He said he will talk to Tom about getting him a raise. Fred, as Tom, said ''Noooo'' to him.
Howard said John understands how to answer the phones now. He said he must understand the policy. He offered him his job back. John said he wasn't really planning on leaving anyway. He said he would like to keep his job. Howard said he can go back to his desk and follow the policy.
In the clip Howard was talking about how Mike Gange broke up with the girl he set him up with at the station. Howard said this girl, Jen, was really nice and cute. Howard had him come in to talk about this. Gange was all depressed according to Howard. Howard said he has to stop acting like a burnt woman. Gange said he's not acting like that. Howard said he never really wanted that girl Jen. Gange said he did and he still does. Howard said if he got her back Gange would dump her for someone else. Gange said he's not like that. He said he is a jerk in some ways but he's not like that.
Howard said Gange broke up with Jen because he thought he could do better. Howard said he told him he can't do better but he didn't listen to him. Gange said he never said he could do better. Gange said he never said he hated her or anything like that. Howard said he knew Gange wanted something else. He wanted something like what he sees on Baywatch. Gange said they're so wrong about this.
Howard said their other intern, Mikey Stein, has always liked Jen. He said that he never hit on her when Gange was going out with her. Howard had Mikey on the phone so he got him on. Mikey was there with Jen. Howard said maybe Gange should leave. Gange said that's just wrong in his book. He said he didn't want to hear this story.
Gange told Mikey that he didn't go out with his sister because he didn't want to freak him out. He said he thinks it's wrong if Mikey is uncomfortable with it. Mikey said he wouldn't have had a problem with it at all. He said he was fine.
Howard said Gange wanted to move on to greener pastures so he broke up. Mikey asked John if he should date Jen and it looked like it was over between them. Gange said he never said that. He said they stayed together for a long time after they thought they broke up. Gange said she just didn't want to tell anyone.
Howard said Jen was the best thing that ever happened to Gange. Howard said now Mikey is with her. Mikey said that they've been friendly for a long time.
Stuttering John came in and Gange went off on him thinking that he was pushing Mikey to date her. John said that Mikey is his close friend and he's been friends with him a long time. He said he didn't push him into it. Gange said he must have told Jen that he's a great guy. John said he was trying to get Mikey back together with another girl.
Gange said he wishes that John had stayed out of it. John said he did. Gange said that he knows that he was going behind his back and told her to go out with him. Howard said he believes that John did that. John said Mikey liked her before Gange even went out with her.
Robin said that this is all Gange's fault because he wasn't able to make a commitment to Jen. She said that Mikey might as well go for it if Gange isn't going for it. She said she doesn't get why he has to hate now.
Howard said Gange was ready to move on. He said he could get her back for him tomorrow but he won't do it. Howard said Gange is like him. He said he thinks he wants her but he really doesn't. He said that Gange doesn't think she's good enough for him. Gange said he just found this out recently. He said he has had other dates. Howard said Gange just wants what he can't have. Gange said that's not it. Howard said Gange should concentrate on stealing Grillo's girlfriend.
Howard asked Mikey if Jen is his girlfriend now. Mikey said they are dating but they're not exclusive. Mikey said she's not really there either. He was just joking around. Howard said Gange was really bummed about that too.
Howard said everyone loves Gange but Jen. He asked if he wants her back. Gange said they should get her on the phone. Howard said this is like a new game show... The Love Bloat. Gange threatened to take Jackie's pen after that joke.
Howard asked Mikey how long he's been going out with Jen. Mikey said they've gone out a few times. Mikey said they're not talking everyday. He said they have just gone out a few times. He said it's not really serious. He said they're just enjoying being single. Howard said this is the best thing for Gange. Howard said Gange could end up getting back with her and then 5 years down the road he'll wonder why he gave up his freedom.
Gary said he tracked Jen down on her vacation. Howard picked up on her and told her what was going on. She had missed it so she said she wished she'd heard it. Gange said he'd send her a tape.
Jen told Howard that she was the one who dumped Gange. She was hesitating saying why she did that. Gange told her to say whatever she wants. Howard said Jackie is leaving Nancy for Jen now. Howard said he heard that Gange got drunk and stormed out of the restaurant after she dumped him. Howard said he heard he stormed out of the restaurant too. Gange asked where he heard that. Howard said he won't squeal. He jokingly said it was Stuttering John who told him so John flipped out saying it wasn't him.
Howard asked Jen where Mikey takes her. She told Howard some of the places they've gone. Howard laughed. He asked if Gange stormed out of dinner so he wouldn't have to pay. Jen said he actually did pay that night. Gange said he's sorry for acting the way he did.
Howard said Gange isn't talking to John and now he hates Mikey Stein. Gange said he's an ex-friend. Gange said you don't fish in his pond. He said he won't be friends with someone like that. Howard asked Jen if she'll be friends with Gange. She said she wants to be friends but she doesn't want to go out with him anymore. Howard asked if she wants Mikey Stein now. Jen said they're making such a big deal out of this.
Howard said he doesn't get this. He told Gange to say something. Gange didn't have anything to say. Howard said these guys don't know how to fight over a woman.
Gange said that he has gotten past that whole Italian pride thing. He said he loves Jen and he always will. Howard laughed. He said he loves this because Gange is a kook. Howard said he loved that ''you don't fish in my pond'' line. Mikey asked where that pond is anyway. Gange said he's talking about all of his ex-girlfriends. Mikey said he wouldn't want any of them.
Howard asked Jen if she's dating other people. Jen said she sure is. She said she doesn't want to jump into a relationship again. She just got out of one. Gange said he's the same way.
Howard asked Jen if Gange has any shot at all with her. Jen hesitated so Howard said that's a good sign. Then Jen said it's over for her. She said that she's not going to change her mind. Gange said he knows how stupid he was and he has changed. He said he has confessed that he was wrong.
Howard wrapped up the discussion and Mikey asked Gange not to be like he's being. He said he gets what he's saying about not swimming in his pond. Gange said it's a loyalty thing and he thought his friends were above that. Mikey said he thought Gange was his friend and he doesn't understand this. He said he and Jen are just enjoying each other and they've been friends for years. Gange said he was hurt. Howard said he can't take the moping around. He told him to get that look off his face and cheer up.
Howard let Mikey and Jen go a short time later. Jackie said he wanted to get out of there. Howard said Gange doesn't really want her. He said he told Gange to stay with her and he was the one who wanted to break up for someone like Tori Spelling. Howard said he asked what was wrong with him. He said he never told him to get rid of her. Howard said he wasn't even good enough for Jen. Howard said Gange has the wrong attitude.
Howard asked Gange if he wants her back. Gange said he does. Howard said he looks weak. Howard said Gange is twice the man Stein is. Howard said he should be thanking John for hooking them up. He said he can get her back. Howard said if Gange can't beat him then he should become gay. Howard told him to go polish off 10 English Muffins now and he'll feel better.
Steve Grillo At The MTV Video Music Awards. 9/5/97. 6:05am
Steve Grillo was sent to last night's MTV Video Music Awards show but he didn't get to question any celebrities. He was surprised that MTV didn't allow him to bug any of the celebrities that were there. He did manage to get yanked out of the way of an Entertainment Tonight camera crew though. Howard played the tape of that little incident. Then they spent about 20 minutes talking about Steve's bad attitude. A bunch of the people who work at the station find Grillo to be very snotty and annoying.
Stuttering John At The MTV Video Music Awards. 9/5/97. 7:30am
Stuttering John had better luck than Steve Grillo did last night. John got a bunch of short interviews with some celebrities like The Spice Girls, Mike Meyers, Wu Tang Clan, David Arquette, Kevin Bacon, Kyra Sedgewick, Carmen Electra and Wil Smith. Most of the interviews weren't more than one or two questions. John asked the Spice Girls who had the biggest nipples, do they share dildos and how many tampons do they go through in a year. That was the longest interview he did. Mike Meyers was rambling about paparazzi before John interviewed him and didn't really give any good answers for the questions that John asked.
In the clip Howard said they got a letter from this woman who was upset with them about what they were saying about Magic Johnson. The woman said that she used to be a big fan of Howard's. She said she would spread the word about him but now she doesn't want to listen to the show anymore.
The caller said that Howard has an opinion and if anyone disagrees then he hangs up and calls them names. She said he can dish it out and he should be able to take it back. Howard asked why. He said there is no freedom of speech on this show except for him. He said that's why the show is interesting. The caller said that he will only listen to the dummies and not to the people who have a good point.
Howard told the woman she doesn't have to listen. She said she only listens at work when the other 20 people are listening. Howard said he thought she was upset with him about Magic Johnson. She said it was that and this other stuff. She told Howard that Howard can't come to L.A. and bad mouth Magic. Howard said he just said he was a womanizer. He said he didn't say anything wrong. Howard asked what it is that he said that was wrong. She said it was everything. Howard said he was told by his program director not to talk about Magic Johnson. He said he's not sure what he said that upset her so much. The caller said she's not sure what it was word for word. Howard said that's because she's a big phony. Howard said Magic was going aroudn banging everything with two legs. He said he could be out banging women every night of the week but he chooses not to.
Howard asked what it was that prompted her to write this letter. She didn't have an answer. Howard read her letter and goofed on her voice as he did it. Howard said he still doesn't know what it was that he said that upset her. The caller said he should talk to his program director.
Howard and the caller went back and forth arguing for a few minutes. Howard still couldn't figure out what it was that upset her so much. Howard said he can't win with her because she doesn't even have an explanation for what she's so upset about. Howard said there are a lot of people like this woman who don't have a very high comprehension level. Howard said she's not consistent with her argument. He said she's a stupid woman who will never understand the show. Howard said she can't understand what's going on.
The woman said that Howard doesn't let anyone get on the air without calling them stupid and dumb. Howard said he'd like her to prove him wrong but she's not doing it. The caller said that Howard is going to end up losing his ratings and he'll be out of there in no time. Howard said the show has been growing and growing and it's not going to stop. Howard said she can only listen to Mark and Brian or Jay Thomas from now on. He told her she can't listen to him anymore.
Howard asked the caller to make a point. She said that Howard can dish it out and not take it. Howard said she has no opinion on anything. She said Howard isn't man enough to take it. Howard said maybe she should just say ''Na, na, na, na, na'' instead. He said now he's going to hang up on her. He told her not to listen to the show anymore. Howard said he doesn't get why a basketball player is a hero to anyone. He went to break a short time later.
in the clip Howard took a call from Fadima the angry caller who was going off on him about the way he does his show. Howard was fighting back and asking if she has a clitoris. Fadima said he is disgusting. He was asking because she's from West Africa. Howard said he thinks that a Zebra stomped on her head. Howard asked if she's ever eaten a monkey. She wouldn't answer so Howard kept asking. She eventually said she has eaten a monkey and she has the AIDS virus. She said she knows Howard just wants her to say that so that's what she's going to say. Howard said if she answers a question then he'll answer one. Howard asked if she is circumsized. She said it doesn't matter. Howard and Fadima went back and forth about that for a few minutes.
Howard asked how long it takes for a snake to squish a human. Fadima said she doesn't know that. Howard said she won't answer any questions.
Howard asked if her husband lives in Africa. She said it doesn't matter. Howard kept trying to find out more and more but Fadima refused to answer his questions.
Howard took a call from a guy who told Fadima how annoying she was. She told Howard she's going to put a curse on him. Howard put one on her before she got the chance.
Howard took another call from a guy who got her going even more. Howard said all she's interested in is yelling. Howard said she should send him smoke signals like she's back in Africa.
Howard told Fadima what he was trying to say about this shooting she brought up. Howard said that the police are constantly called into these communities and the people take their frustration out on the police. Howard said he's sorry to anyone who had to listen to that.
Phone call screening mess. 3-20-96.
For some reason Howard has decided to make the show sound a little more professional by screening phone callers. One of the best parts about calling Howard was that there weren't any screeners. On some of my calls, I didn't know what I was going to say until Howard picked up the phone. Now I have to have a subject to give to the ''screener''. But this morning Howard freaked out on Stuttering John about his screening process. John was getting a couple of callers lined up for Howard and then he'd bring in a piece of paper to describe the caller. Howard yelled because John should get one caller and bring in the paper. Howard hates when he gets callers that ask him ''how are you Howard?'' and ''is this really Howard?'' so now he wants to screen. The only problem is that the screened callers are just as bad as when he just plunks down the phone randomly.
In this clip Howard was talking to Fred about why he doesn't like some stuff he plays. Howard said if it's wrong they just go back and correct it. Howard said it's very hard to deal with Fred. He said if he doesn't communicate with him then he says he can't read his mind. If he does say something then Fred freaks out. He said there's no in between. Fred said he's sorry about that. Howard said he can have a conversation with Jackie but not with Fred.
Fred said that he understands when Howard doesn't like something. He said that Marsha Warfield thing was something they were all in on. He said they all listen to the same tapes. Howard said sometimes they don't work. He said it's not just Fred, it's everyone there. Howard asked Jackie to talk to Fred for him. Jackie said no.
Howard said Fred might have to stick around and work a couple of extra hours. Fred said he's fine with that. He said he has been doing that. Howard asked what this discussion is about. Fred said he's reacting to something else that he doesn't feel comfortable discussing on the air.
Robin said this meant nothing then. She said that it's something else that he's upset about. Robin asked if there's something with him and Howard. Fred said it's not, it's just something else. Howard said he used to let this kind of stuff slide with Fred but now he feels he has to get into it. He said he doesn't want to have a 20 minute discussion though.
Howard said Fred needs to get in there and do the work. Fred said he is doing that. Howard said he has no beef with Fred at all.
Howard said he does want to know what people are doing aroudn there. Fred said he understands that. Howard said he doesn't know how to get out of these conversations. Fred wasn't getting upset but Howard said he does like to argue even when something isn't his work. Howard said he just told Fred how to fix the bit that he didn't like and that's it. Fred said he has no problem with that. Howard said the problem is that it's more work to do. Fred said he works as hard as Howard does. Howard said he doesn't have to get all defensive. He said he's past the point of caring.
Howard said he can call Jackie and tell him something sucks and he just moves on to the next thing. Fred said maybe Jackie doesn't have the same issues that he does.
Howard said he has a woman on the phone that Fred might be interested in. The woman claims that her kids go to school with Cody Gifford. Howard said she wants to be known as M. Howard said she doesn't sound like she's old enough to have kids. She said she was a nanny for some kids who went to school with Cody. She said Cody was a terror from what she heard. Howard said it would be so great if he grew up to stab Kathie Lee. Howard said it sounds like a funny story but he's not sure how true it is. M said that people would complain to the teachers about Cody. Howard said the kid can't even behave himself from what he's read.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he can verify that story. He said that his friends have kids that went to that school. He said this girl got a cut on her eye from what he was told. Howard said this is getting better. The caller said he heard that Frank showed up to get Cody and he wasn't apologetic at all. Howard said he's like 100 years old so he doesn't need this kind of crap. The caller told Howard some more details about what Frank said and how he didn't apologize. Howard said this is all hearsay so he's not sure how true any of this is.
Howard asked Fred if he liked that last segment. Fred said that Howard is perfect. That got them back into the discussion about Fred. They spent another minute on that and then went to break.
Artie Vs. Dice And The Missing $5,000. 07/18/06. 9:40am
After the commercials Howard had Andrew Dice Clay on the phone. He told the story about how Artie did a show with Dice down in Atlantic City a week ago but Dice hasn't payed him for the gig yet. Dice got on the phone and said that he needs to know what did happen because he got some oddball calls yesterday. Howard told Artie to tell him his side of the story. Artie said the gig went very well but he just hasn't gotten paid yet.
Dice asked Artie if he was judging his performance because it sounded like he was judging it by saying that he had done a good job. Howard told him that Artie said they both did very well that night. There was also some discussion about the amount of money Artie was getting for doing that gig. Artie thought he should have gotten more than the $5,000 he's supposed to be getting.
Dice said that he gets the money and then mails out the check afterward. He claims that he left a message for Artie asking him for his address so he could mail out a check. Dice said he was going to mail out a check yesterday so he had to contact Artie's manager to get the address. Artie said he never got a message but Dice said he has no reason to bullshit him.
Dice said that he was also a little upset that Artie was saying that they sold out the show after he was added to the show. Dice claims that the show was almost sold out before Artie was added and they sold out the rest of the tickets shortly after he was on the show. Dice said he wanted to team up and do a show with Artie because he had heard great things about his shows.
Artie asked Dice if he's claiming that the tickets were already sold out before they announced that he was on the show. Dice said they were almost sold out before he went on Stern, then they sold out. He said he was asked to do the bigger room but he didn't do that. He also said he would have paid him even more money if they had done that room. Artie asked him when he would have gotten paid for that gig. Dice said he has to go back to L.A. To take care of business. He said he runs it like a business, he doesn't get in his car and drive away.
Artie says that he pays guys the night of the show and doesn't send out checks like that. Artie said it's 10 days later and he still doesn't have a check. Dice told him to talk to his agent. Artie said he has spoken to him and he wasn't able to talk to Dice about it. Artie was also saying that he never got a call from Dice so Dice took that as if he was calling him a liar. Artie said he just didn't get the call.
Dice said that he has already cut the check and he's going to mail it to his agent. He told Artie he got half of his money the night of the show at the Borgata and then he went out on the road. He hasn't been home for a week or so and hasn't had time to get it together.
Artie said that he's just expecting the money on time even though he's not desperate for the money. Artie said that he doesn't want to work with him again if he has to wait 2 months to get paid. Robin asked Artie if he and Dice had a talk about doing shows together. Howard said that Artie thinks that Dice wants to hook up with him on the road so they have Howard involved in some way. Dice said that's not what's going on because he can come on and promote a show whenever he wants to now.
Artie said he's pretty sure that's exactly what's going on. He said that he's doing 2 shows at the end of August at the Borgata and he can sell out the shows no problem and make about 11 times what he made with Dice. He told Dice that he did the show with him because he was an icon to him and he wanted to work with him. Artie said he would rather work by himself. Dice said that's fine but if they hooked up to do some huge venues, they could make more money together.
Dice said that he heard how good Artie was so that's why he approached him. He said he thought they got along really well and thought that they could do some dates together and make some really good money. Artie said he would have done that show with Dice for free just for the story but he can now go out and make the money on his own if he wants. Dice said that's cool with him but he thinks they could sell out some really big venues if they teamed up.
Howard said he thinks Artie is intimidated to tell him what he really thinks sometimes but he came clean today. Artie said he listened to Dice's side of the plan but they didn't sign any contracts or anything.
Ralph called in and told Artie he was being a little bit of a dick here. He said that he was looking forward to seeing Dice and Artie performing together and he would do that if they were teamed up. Artie told Ralph to ''fuck off'' and said that he was a ''loser faggot piece of shit'' and then asked him how long he should wait for that five grand to come from Dice. He said that Ralph has owed him $100 for the past 2 years and still hasn't gotten paid.
Ralph asked Artie why he's getting so worked up about this five grand. Artie asked him, again, how long he should wait before getting upset. He said it's five thousand dollars and it's a lot of money. He told Ralph to go jerk off to Star Trek. Fred threw in the ''Ralphie Cakes'' song parody after that.
Ralph said that Artie doesn't need the money. Artie said that it's his money and he expected to be paid in a timely manner. Dice was telling Artie that he didn't work all that long for that five grand. Artie said that he was really pissing him off and he took a pay cut to do 20 minutes. He was saying that Dice was saying stupid shit and it was pissing him off. Artie thinks that he sold the room out for Dice but Dice said he had nothing to do with selling out that show. Artie said it was Howard's show that sold out those tickets.
Dice said that everyone on the phone has a big mouth and if he was standing there in person he wouldn't have the balls to open his mouth. Artie told Dice that he'll be there in L.A. Tonight do shoot Entourage so he should show up on set and he'll confront him there.
Dice explained to Artie that if he had known that he wanted the money that night, he would have had a check for him. Since he didn't know that he needed it that night, he waited until he got home to pay him. Robin didn't understand why Artie was so upset so Howard was going to explain it but Dice and Artie were still going off on each other.
Howard wanted to clear things up but Dice said that he knows that the audience was there for Artie because they were chanting his name before he went out on stage. He doesn't think that he sold the show out but the audience did have a SIRIUS following so he wanted to make a big deal and do some huge shows with him in the future.
Howard said that he's listened to all of this and he thinks he knows what went on. He thinks that if they work together in the future, Artie can expect not to get paid then. He said that the venue got it's money and paid Dice half the money he was due. The other half goes to Dice's agent according to Dice. Howard said that other places pay the comedians up front but that's not the way this place works. Howard can see why Artie wants his money and he can also see Dice's side of the story because he had to go home to send out the check.
Dice said that he didn't cut the check for Artie because he just got home on Sunday night. Later on Monday he heard that Artie had gone off on him on the show but he had already cut the check for him. Dice said he had lost Artie's information so he couldn't call his agent during last week.
Howard took some phone calls and let Mariann from Brooklyn go off on both of them. She was saying that this was all about Howard. Howard said that Artie and Dice are very talented guys and he has nothing to do with it. Mariann said she wants to have coffee with Artie to try and figure it out. Artie sarcastically said that would cheer him up.
Some other callers went off on Dice saying that Artie could do his own shows and make the money himself. Artie wanted to let them talk about Dice was going off on the callers telling them that they've done nothing. A woman called in and said that this is the best reality show ever and Dice may be overreacting a bit. One caller thought that Artie was more upset that he didn't get paid more money, that's why he's getting so pissed about the $5,000. Artie said that's not the case.
Dice apologized again for not knowing that he wanted to be paid that night. Artie just assumed he was going to get paid that night but Dice had no idea that's what he wanted so he apologized to him for that. Howard's father called in and tried to help the guy settle this. He said that they should just apologize and move on from there. They should set up a procedure to get things to work out the next time they work together.
Dice said that he felt that the audience was one of the most intense crowds he's seen in years and he thinks it had something to do with the two of them being there together and that's what he wants to bring to bigger venues. Howard thanked his Dad and wanted to let him go but he had one more thing to say. Ben told the guys that they could be very successful working together. Robin said that Artie doesn't want to work with Dice though, he wants to work alone. Ben said that this reaction is ludicrous and Artie is overreacting far too much.
Rev. Bob Levy called in and told the guys that when they do shows they get a check the night of the show. Artie asked him how long he's waited for a check. Bob said that he would have a check overnighted if they didn't have it there that night. That's what Artie expected from Dice but Dice said he's not a promoter, he's just a comic so he didn't know that he wanted as check that night.
Ralph was still on the phone so Artie as goofing on him. He said that he thinks that Artie needs things in his life to make himself miserable and this is just the latest thing. Artie asked him how long he has to wait for the $100 he owes him. Ralph said that he's going to wait a long time. He wanted Will to pay him half of the money since he was owed a few bucks. Ralph said he'll pay Artie on Thursday when he gets paid.
Artie pointed out that Dice's story had changed when he was saying that he'd lost his agent's number because he eventually did call him. Ross Zapin came in and said that the two of them should have had their agents take care of all of this stuff. Artie said that's what they did but Dice then revealed that he's having problems with one of his guys so that may not have helped. Ross thinks that Artie's agent should have mentioned the payment up front.
Dice said that when he left that gig that night, he was just thinking about what they could do in the future. He apologized once again and said that the real tragedy will be if they don't do anymore shows in the future. He said the $5,000 is chicken feed compared to the shows they could do in the future. Dice was talking about how his show got picked up on VH-1 and how he wanted Artie Lange on a Showtime show he was offered. Artie said that he's convinced him that he doesn't need the money and he can send him the check whenever he wants.
High Pitch Eric called in and went off on Dice but Howard hung up on him within a short time because he had nothing to add to it. Artie really wasn't calmed down, he was still going off on Dice. He claimed he wasn't mad at him but things were still kind of tense and Howard just wanted to move on. Dice just wanted to put this behind them. Artie admitted he was wrong and said they could put things behind them. Dice said he called Artie yesterday and wondered why he didn't call him back. Artie thought it would be funnier on the air.
Jessica Hahn called in and said that she thinks Dice is out of his mind and full of crap. She even threw in Kinison's name and said that he was a better comic than he is. Howard calmed things down and told Artie that he thinks it's insulting that he wants any money. Howard told Artie that he owes Dice three grand. Artie said he'll pay him next week.
Dice said that he needs to see Artie if he's going to be out in L.A. Artie said he'll be working the whole time but he can come visit him on the set. Dice said he can't visit the set because it'll cause mayhem. Artie told him he'd give him a call when he gets out there. Howard finally got Dice off the phone and said that was beautiful.
Robin said that she heard the screams and thought it was a little crazy. Artie said he has no way to prove that Dice didn't call him but he never got a call from him. Howard told Artie to look at him and said that arguing is good for him because he didn't eat the whole time. Artie said he was drinking soda the whole time though.
Howard said Artie is going out to shoot that TV show and they're going to look at him like he's a baby gorilla. Artie said he bets he'll get the check for the work out there within a couple of days. Howard showed him a picture of Leslie Bibb who will be making out with him for the Entourage shoot. Artie said that cheered him up. Howard told him he could watch him all day long like that.
Howard asked Artie who else owes him money because they should call them too. Artie said he's not going to go to Will to get the money that Ralph owes him so he didn't go too nuts on that situation. Will came in and said that he and Ralph have been arguing about their bet for a while but he's not going to pay Artie for the money that Ralph owes him.
Artie said that whenever he gets that money from Dice is fine with him. He said he thinks that Dice was lying about the phone call and that's why he got so hot headed during that call. Ralph was back on the phone so he tried to explain the bet he had with Artie and with Will. He wanted Will to pay his half of the bet because he wasn't there that often back then. Will said it was only half the money though so Ralph still would have had to pay Artie $50. The guys spent a few more minutes talking about Dice and wondering if that check has been mailed yet. Dice had said that he had called his accountant and told him to cut the check but no one knows if it has actually been mailed yet.
Artie said he's been offered a big gig in the area and he can't talk about it yet. He doesn't need to work with Dice though because he can sell out those places on his own. Howard said he thinks things are straightened out but we won't be hearing from Artie while he's out in L.A. for a few days. Artie said he'll call in from the set and try to get Leslie Bibb on the phone too.
Artie said that he still thinks that Dice is patronizing him by telling him that he's a great performer when it's really just the fact that he's on a show that he can promote on. Howard said that if Artie and Dice did get into an altercation, Dice might be in trouble because Artie can fight. Artie said that Dice would have to kick his ass to take him down because he won't give up easily. He said he's not afraid of him and if he wants to fight him, he'll fight. He gets nuts in bar fights and he's ready to go.
Howard asked Artie what his weight is at today because he was supposed to drop a few before doing Entourage. Artie said he had a conversation with the wardrobe lady at Entourage and told her that she's going to have to sew two shirt together for him. He said he has to get a wardrobe fitting as soon as he gets off the plane out there. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Today's Fight Week was over around 11:00am.