|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard started the show talking about how exhausted he was. He was showing some enthusiasm with an Ed McMahon impression and it was wearing him out. Howard kept that going for a minute. Robin said that reminded her that she forgot to respond to Jackie's request to go out to lunch.
Howard took a call from Pittsburgh Pete who said that it looks like Miley Cyrus' tits have gotten bigger. Howard said he noticed that too. She's 17 years old and Pete thinks that she's heading toward a DD by the time she's 23. He thinks they're natural too. Howard said he agrees with that and they're just getting bigger on their own. Robin asked if it's wrong to look at a 17 year old like that. Howard said it is but it's hard not to look.
Pete said that she was in a magazine doing sexual poses so it's like she wants them to look. Robin said maybe she wants younger guys looking at her and not this guy.
Pete asked Howard who he thinks would be hotter, Miley or Taylor Swift. Howard said he thinks that Miley would be because Taylor is probably a goody two shoes. He said that the guy she was dating broke up with her. Pete was getting kind of creepy talking about Miley's camel toe and Howard wrapped up with him a short time later. Robin said she was born in 1992.
Robin asked Howard if he saw the Leno and Letterman commercial. Howard said he did see that. He said he took notes on the commercials and they were horrible overall this year. Howard said he's a fan of the New Orleans Saints so he was glad to see they won. He went to bed at 8:30 so he didn't see the whole game.
Howard said he went down to the Marshall Chess Club on Sunday to play some games. He said that he usually plays on the internet but this time he went to a tournament. He said they had about 50 people playing there. He said he gets very nervous when he plays. He said he doesn't have a lot of time to play in person but you get to see that no one is cheating. He said that's the good part of playing in person. Howard said people can cheat on the internet.
Howard said that it's very weird to play like that. He said he has to write down his moves in the live games too. He said it's like geek central.
Howard said he went down and they're very nice to him at the chess club. He said you'd think that Bobby Fisher walked in there. He said he just wanted to play and a lot of people wanted his time. He said he did play in a tournament. He said he showed up and paid his fee and got in and played. He said he won the first round against a woman and he didn't finish for an hour and 45 minutes. He said he didn't want to break the game up when he had to pee because you have a clock running. He said he didn't want to do that. Howard said he didn't want to fuck anything up.
Howard said he played a second round that lasted an hour and a half. He won that one too but he had to leave after that even though it was a 4 game tournament. Howard said everyone there prepares to play with food and stuff.
Howard said that he was tied for first place and the director asked him how he could leave. He said he was undefeated and another guy was tied with him. Howard said he was going to play him next but he had to leave so he forfeited his game.
Howard said he went home and Beth asked why he left. He said he figured she'd want him home but apparently not. Howard said he was worn out after that. He said he was very uptight during the games so it wasn't comfortable for him. He said he was overwhelmed. Howard said he went in there and competed though.
Robin said she can't believe he forfeited the game. Howard said he had to. He said he warned them that he could only stay for a few hours. Howard said he loved it though. The place they play in is very nice. He said that it's in a Brownstone building and it was willed to the club and they're not allowed to sell it.
Howard said the prize money isn't big in the tournament. He said they give the winner like 10 bucks. He said that one guy was trying to sell him a magazine with Bobby Fisher on the cover for like 30 bucks too. He said the guy was telling him how tough that job is selling Chess stuff. Howard said it is a lot of fun down there though.
Howard said he had a good time playing and the people were very nice. Howard said they tell you that you have to be quiet while playing. He said it was quieter than a library there.
Howard said he got home after that tiring day and watched some of the game before going to bed at 8:30. Robin didn't understand why he has to get so into the game that it wears him out. Howard said everything he does is like that. He said he really gets into it.
Howard said he had to shake hands at the club and he brought his hand gel with him. He said he was shaking hands and using the gel like he didn't care if they saw him using it.
Howard said he didn't care that much about the Super Bowl but it was a good game. He said he almost didn't watch it. He liked that New Orleans won. Howard said that he didn't get the ''Who Dat'' thing and he really doesn't give a fuck about it. He said it irritated him hearing that. Robin said that's kind of like ''Who Dis'' from Crazy Alice. Robin didn't know how it got started but the NFL has the rights to sell anything with ''Who Dat'' on it. Howard said he owns the ''Who Dis'' thing with Crazy Alice.
JD came in and told Howard that the Bengals say ''Who Dey'' too. Fred played him in with his techno music theme song. Howard then played a Crazy Alice prank call the guys made using her ''Who Dis?'' audio clip.
Robin said that Queen Latifah was on that Jenny Craig diet and they told her she had to lose 10 percent of her weight to be healthy so that's all she lost. Robin said it's like they think you don't have to lose weight if you're black and overweight.
Howard played more of Queen Latifah's performance and said it appeared that she was singing live. Robin said that Carrie Underwood was singing and she went flat during the performance. Howard said she really wasn't very good. Robin said when you're singing like that you really have to pre-record it because you can't hear yourself out in that stadium. Howard played some of her performance too. Howard fast forwarded through to the end where she hit a clunker of a note. Robin said that was like Gary's pitch with it going really off.
Howard said it's ridiculous that they do the Star Spangled Banner there at games. He said they started doing it during World War II and they haven't stopped. He said he likes hearing live stuff like that because it shows how a person can really sing.
Howard said they had a commercial for Bud Light during the game where they had some guys singing in that autotune thing. He played that commercial and said he has to get one of those things for himself. He asked Scott if he could hook him up with one of those. Howard said he wants to sing into one of those things to see if he can do that. Scott said they don't have one but they have something that he can pre-record into and put it through.
Richard came in and said that he has one but he'd have to pre-record it to get it done. He said that if he comes into the studio during the commercial they can do it. Gary asked if they could run it through Howard's board. Scott said it's something you can't do live. There is one that works live but not the one they have.
Howard told Gary to pick one up today. Gary said that Scott ordered one last week but Tim was freaking out. Gary said that Scott gets no respect and everyone wonders if Howard really wants it. Howard said he does want it.
Howard said this guy Bill Carter from the NY Times wrote about the David Letterman commercial. He said that Bill wrote a great story about how it all went down. Howard said Dave came up with the idea to do the Leno and Oprah thing. Howard said they called Jay's office and asked if he wanted to do the show and that really bothers him. He said that it makes you wonder if Jay and Dave were setting up this commercial all this time that they've been goofing on each other.
Howard said that Jay is taking the biggest beating in public relations right now so that's why he agreed to do this. Howard said the winner in this commercial is Jay Leno because Dave put his arm around him and got in on the joke. Robin said the glaring omission was Conan O'Brien. Howard said they should have had Conan as the couch. He said that would have been off the chart. Howard said they could have had Conan as the French maid or something like that.
Howard talked about this article where they talked about how they did all of this stuff and snuck Oprah and Jay into Dave's show to shoot the commercial.
Gary said he read that they did try to get Conan to do the commercial but they weren't able to get it to happen. They wanted him in the commercial but it didn't work out. Howard said that's good to know then.
Howard said the Bill Carter story was very well written. He said he should just read it to Robin instead of telling it his way. Howard said that they shot the commercial up in the balcony of the Ed Sullivan theater. Robin said that's where Dave would fuck. Howard said she's right about that and joked that there were condoms on the floor in there.
Howard said Dave came up with the idea to do that commercial and Jay agreed to do it. They wanted to keep it so top secret that they had to disguise Jay. If someone had seen him going into Dave's studio there would have been some suspicion. Howard said Jay disguised himself in a moustache and a big floppy hat or something like that.
Howard read some of that article where Bill Carter wrote about how the commercial went down. He descried the way Dave and Jay got along and exchanged words and things like that.
Howard said he wanted to talk about Oprah. He said that she's taking $50 million from SIRIUS XM and she hasn't lifted a fuckin' finger to do anything for them there. He said she came to the studios one time to tape a show. He said that they have some of the research on who listens to her show and he doesn't think that anyone has subscribed for her channel. Howard said she should be on the channel at least a couple of times a week.
Howard said that a couple of years ago management wanted him to do a TV commercial or something to promote SIRIUS. He said that it may have been a Letterman appearance. Howard said that was about 3 years ago. They presented him with some lame ideas and he came up with the idea to do something with Oprah. He said they should contact her and do a TV commercial together or go out on Letterman and have it out. Robin said it was a letterman thing that he wanted to do. Howard said he thought it would be wild.
Howard said he's a company man and he was willing to do what the company wanted him to do. They went to approach Oprah and he told them that if she doesn't do it, she should because she's taking 50 million from them. Howard said he said he'd even go to Chicago and do her show to get this done. Howard said she didn't agree to do it. He said she's a fat ass and he doesn't respect her. He said she'll do anything for Letterman but he's not the one paying her $50 million. Howard said the place to do something like that is right there for the company, not for Letterman.
Howard said that Oprah shouldn't have even taken that money. He said she can't say no to money just like she can't say no to food. He said that she's taking that money to do nothing. He said she's not doing anything that SIRIUS didn't agree to but still. He said that she's not putting any effort into her channel there. He said it was XM that made the bad deal anyway. He said SIRIUS wouldn't make that deal.
Howard said Oprah is a fat ass and she's one of the two despicable human beings on that couch in that commercial. Howard said that she's sitting there laughing at them for the money she's taking. Robin said she's probably sitting there laughing like Robert De Niro in Cape Fear. Howard did an impression of what that might sound like and had her laughing with Stedman.
Howard was goofing on Oprah and the way she'd laugh at him for sitting there for 4-5 hours a day doing his show while she doesn't do anything for her channel. Howard even threw Jay Leno into the discussion and had him telling Oprah to take the money and run.
Howard went off on Jay and Oprah for a few minutes. He was on his megaphone doing the voices of those two and talking about what scum bags they are.
Howard said that it would be another good thing if Oprah got on her fucking phone and called Jay to get him on her channel there. Howard said Oprah should go on live this morning and talk about how the whole commercial came about. Howard said she won't do that. Howard said she'll just give that story to TV and it'll air a month later.
Howard said ''Fuck her!'' when he thought about how she does her ''after show'' on the internet and not even on her SIRIUS XM channel. Howard said this company should take the money back from her. Howard said he knows Scott Greenstein is going to get upset about this rant but he shouldn't worry because Oprah isn't going to stop taking their money. Howard said they have to give him a fucking break with that Oprah.
Robin said Howard could have been in that commercial. Howard said he wouldn't be in a commercial with that Jay Leno fuck. He said that guy can suck his dick.
Howard said he can't believe that Doritos was able to afford to sponsor so much of the game yesterday. He said that it's disgusting to him. He said they make so much money doing that and he's wondering why he has to sit there doing this show when he could just sell some shitty chips to people in a bag.
Howard said they're taking over the country with those Doritos and they can't be good for you. He said the people who eat them get fat and they should have that girl from ''Precious'' in the commercial.
Howard got back to the commercial discussion and said that he got sidetracked there for an hour or so. Howard said that Oprah actually cut Rosie O'Donnell off when she went to promote SIRIUS XM on her show. Howard said that she did get to give away some radios but she didn't get one of her plugs in. Howard said Oprah is just taking that 50 million and not doing any work for them. Howard said they have to get rid of Oprah already. He doesn't get why they've stuck with her this long.
Howard read more about the Letterman commercial and how they arranged for everyone to show up and do the shoot. They said that they flew Jay in on the NBC corporate jet to get out to New York. Oprah and Jay showed up and waited for Dave to finish his show that night. Rob Burnett said that Jay and Dave greeted each other warmly that day. Howard wondered why Dave would do that. He said he needs more of an explanation of what was going on there. He said he has to get the real story from someone else. He's not sure who but someone else has to fill him in.
Howard read that the commercial was shot in about 20 or 30 minutes. Robin said that sounds pretty long to her. She said it looked like a one shot deal. Howard said he they can spend a lot of time shooting things like that. He said they did that with him at NBC when they did a commercial with Imus. He said they spent all day on that.
Howard said that was the best commercial of the Super Bowl. They say that Dave just wanted to do something funny and that's what it was. Howard said they claim that this wasn't done to help Dave or Jay but that's bull. Howard said that it helped Jay.
Howard said that fat ass Oprah will drop everything to do that commercial but not to do something for SIRIUS XM. Robin said she knew that Oprah was in the city last week and she was wondering what she was doing there. Robin said she must have been running right back to Chicago. Howard said she should get on her channel there and talk about what happened with that commercial. He said that he wants to see do that. He said that she's a fat cow who just takes the money and runs.
Howard said that Gayle King should get on the phone with Oprah and tell her to come on and talk about this and have an exclusive. Robin said that Gayle was there at Letterman. She said she saw Gayle being dropped off by Oprah that day. She said that Oprah travels around in 2 SUVs and she saw her getting dropped off. Robin said that Oprah yelled something to Gayle and she saw it happen. She said she was on her way out to dinner that night and saw it.
Howard said they should take those two and pack up that $50 million deal. Howard said they probably pay the people on the air nothing and Oprah is taking the 50 million. He said she's getting that all to herself. Howard said there are people working like slaves on radio and that fat cow is taking $50 million to do nothing. He said he's really against that Oprah Radio. He wanted to hear what was going on with that channel. He told Scott to come in and set that up so he can listen.
Gary said he heard that they play her TV show a lot on that channel. Jason told Gary that's what was on right now. Howard said that he's not sure what channel she's on but he's pretty sure all you'll hear is her laughing about the 50 million.
Howard asked Scott why it was so tough to get her show through there. Scott said she's part of the XM package so they couldn't do it the regular way. Howard said he doesn't get it. He told Scott to forget it. It was taking too long to get it on. Scott said it wasn't even on the radio they had. Howard said maybe they canceled her channel when the company came to their senses about the whole thing.
Howard said he hasn't gotten into the American Idol thing. He said that he will do a whole rap on that but he had to take a commercial break first.
Howard came back and asked if Alanis could be good in bed. Robin said she thinks that she probably is based on the songs she's sang before. Robin said it sounds like she's a very giving woman. Howard said maybe she's right. He said he likes that she doesn't need an autotune on her voice. Howard said he likes the song she sings where she's thanking India. He sang along to this song a little bit and goofed around with his Indian accent.
Howard said he had a lot to talk about and he might just take that Idol job that they were talking about in the paper this weekend. He said that he gets a lot of offers like that and said that Robin's head would spin if she knew the offers he gets. He said that if they hire him they're going to have to pay him a ton of dough. Howard said that he and Beth were already figuring out their travel schedule to figure out how that would work.
Howard said he'd sit next to that Ellen chick no problem. He said that she'll sit there too and everyone will think that he farted with her looking like she just smelled dead fish all the time. Robin wondered how she can sell Cover Girl make up. Howard said she doesn't look anything like the pictures they have of her for Cover Girl. He said he wonders how that happened.
Howard said he saw Sal using cover up the other day. Robin said that she understands that. Howard said that Ellen is going to ruin that American Idol. He said that if he joins the show she's probably not going to stick around. Robin said she's starting this Tuesday on that show. Howard said they'll have to see how she does.
Howard said that show is nothing without Simon Cowell on it. He said that Simon Cowell said that he wanted him to replace him and that's how the whole rumor got started. Howard said he's not going to comment on any discussions he may or may not have had with them over there.
Howard said he couldn't believe the coverage that the story was getting over the weekend. He said people were freaking out over the thought of him taking over. He said he got a call from a famous woman who told him that she never watches the show but if he was on, she would watch. Howard said people seem to think that he'd get them thrown off the air if he was a judge. Howard said he knows how to judge and he's not going to get them thrown off.
Howard said he had some of the reports about this story. He said there's a whole page of them to play on his computer. He had Lisa G come in first though.
After playing those prank calls Howard said the guy didn't even know he was being pranked. The guy was sounding ignorant saying ''I'm not selling nothing.'' He said that if his father heard him say that on the air he'd hear shit about it. Howard said that guy needs his father to straighten him out. Howard said Richard and Sal sent in some email to the guy and the guy read them on the air. Howard played that clip and the guy was reading about a ''Planters Peanuts Pump'' where they tried to get him to say penis pump. There was another one for the Mike Morales knob polisher. The host read a birthday wish to Tess Stickles. Howard said the guy eventually found out that he was being pranked and talked about that on his show. Howard played a clip of the host talking about how even Howard Stern listens to his show. The host went to the phones and took a call from a guy who sounded like Richard doing another prank but it was just a sound alike. The host said that it was amazing that even Howard Stern was rebroadcasting their stuff. He said he'd try to use good grammar that day.
Howard said that show is a train wreck. He said the guy is in on the fun and that kind of kills it. Lisa said that guy said it was an honor to be on Howard's show.
Lisa said that Benjy continued his arguments about the Constitution discussion they had last week. Benjy was disagreeing with Alan Dershowitz about it after the show. Benjy said that Lisa seemed kind of worried about getting the two of them on the phone. Howard said he didn't care either way about who agrees with what.
Lisa said that Sal spent the day in the hospital on Friday when her hand turned blue for an extended time. She found out that stress can bring it on or chemicals used. Howard said that Christine's hands are now the same color as Sal's balls.
Lisa said they have a Tim Stack show on at 7 tonight on Howard 101. Greg Fitzsimmons' show is on at midnight too.
Howard said he might have Eric right at his side on the show too. He said he'd stick him between him and Ellen. Howard said he could have Eric sit on his lap. He said he could be like Michael Jackson and Emanuel Lewis. He said that if he feels some cock on his leg then he'll know that he's excited about him.
Howard said that would be fun to have Eric on his lap like that. He said he could tap Eric on his back and he would say ''I'm Going to Hollywood.'' He could put a wig on Eric and make him look like him so he's like a little Howard. He said maybe he can wear Eric on his head like a hat. He said he's going to be wilder than Simon.
Howard said people seem to be very excited about this. Eric said he doesn't think Howard belongs on the show. He said someone like Jamie Foxx should be the host. Howard said no one knew who Simon was before he was on that show. Howard said even Simon says that he's the only one that could do it. Eric said he didn't hear that. Eric said Howard doesn't have his complete endorsement. Howard said if he gets the job then he's not going to have him on the show. He said he'd have him on set and do a whole thing if he was on the show.
Howard said Eric never knows when he has opportunity knocking on his door. Howard said he's finally got a pass to get into the show and he's not backing him up. Howard said that's why he's kind of dopey. Eric said he's not dopey.
Howard said he'd introduce Eric to all of his past favorites. He'd even get someone to blow him. He said he'd get Katherine McPhee to blow him. Howard said he's pretty sure he could get Clay Aiken to suck his cock. Eric said he doesn't want that.
Eric said that he's been doing his JFSC idol show the past couple of weeks. Howard cut him off and said he had to go. He hung up on Eric and took another call.
The caller said that he has whipped some of these girls into shape talking about how overweight they are. Howard said he would do that on the show. He said he could combine that show with The Biggest Loser.
Howard said he'd wear a badge on him and say that there's a new sheriff in town. He said he'd have a tazer and taze these people who suck on the show. He said he'd taze Ellen Degeneres. He did an impression of what that might sound like with Fred playing the sound of the tazer shocking her. Howard said he's going to have a good time doing that show.
Howard took another call from a woman who said that she is a teacher and she thinks that he'd be great as a judge. Howard said of course he would. He said that the show will go away if he doesn't take over as a judge on that show. The caller said that he has to do it because he'd be amazing. Howard said he'll have to see. He said he's a high priced talent. Howard said he thinks that Ryan Seacrest would leave the show if he joined. He said that a lot of people are going to run away from that show if he joins it. Howard said Ryan would end up on X-Factor with Simon if he joined Idol.
Howard said he has some ideas for what he would do on the show. He said if someone like that Sanjaya came on he'd hand him a taxi driver license and tell him that's what his job should be. He said he could do some other stuff with the performers too. Howard said that he'd tell the guys with grey hair to get out of there. He said he'd tell guys like that to leave or come back with dyed hair.
Howard said he could tell contestants that they should be ushers at a Broadway play and things like that. He said would have told Carrie Underwood to lose weight. He said he would have done the same to Fantasia Barino. Howard had to take another break a short time later.
Howard said that the guys took that Autotune thing and put Ed Torian through it. He played the audio of the original version and then the edited Autotune version. Howard said it seems to work pretty well and they really have to get one.
Howard had Sour Shoes on the phone doing his The Who impression. Sour Shoes sang about Steve Langford's penis as The Who. Sour was also doing some other impressions of various people. Howard said if he just sang he'd be good. He hung up on him after that.
Howard said that 30 years ago The Who would have beat you up if they were told they were going to be on the Super Bowl. Howard said that it's not even The Who anymore. It's Pete and Roger and Ringo Starr's kid playing drums. Howard said he enjoyed what they did on the show but the NFL should go fuck themselves. Howard said that they put on that show and they were so consumed with the lighting effects that they were cutting away from them constantly. Howard said they have to decide if they should do a light show or show The Who. He said the light show was nice but one or two shots would have been fine. He said the director should be fired. Howard said that he's going to judge the Super Bowl and give the director a D- as a grade.
Robin said that she was glad that it was just The Who and not a bunch of people singing. Howard said the kids watching that game have no idea who The Who are. The kids don't even know what Pinball is.
Howard said they sounded good on the show. They had Bruce Springsteen on last year and he was good. Gary said that they had that thing looking like a space ship and they had the lyrics running around it so that was kind of odd. He said he thinks that they were cutting away because they were lip syncing. Pete Townshend wasn't even touching the strings on his guitar. Howard said his windmills to an air guitar was kind of ridiculous.
Howard said it was good and fun but cutting away wasn't good. He said it was kind of sad to see them lip syncing because they don't need to do something like that.
Gary said the songs they performed were the three CSI theme songs too. Howard said the reason they have the old guys doing that stuff is because they don't trust any of the young people after that Janet Jackson incident. Howard said that everyone is fine since then so he's not sure what the big deal is.
Howard said they actually killed the Lingerie Bowl after that Janet Jackson thing. Howard said he missed Janet's tittie that year because of that Lingerie Bowl. Gary said that they still do it. Howard said they do but people are afraid to watch it.
Howard said they had a lot of awful commercials during that game. He said that they had some good ones like the Letterman commercial. Robin said the Betty White commercial was voted the best. Howard said it was okay but not that great. He said there were a lot of uninspired commercials. They had two with the same joke with the guys in their underwear. Robin said she saw that and wondered if it was a double feature or something.
Howard said CBS did something kind of wrong when they did the number 1 shows commercial. They were missing a lot of shows that weren't number one. He said it was almost like they were kind of not number one after he saw that.
Howard said he saw that Alice in Wonderland movie preview and that looked good. Robin said she didn't know about Robin Hood. She said that looks good too. Gary said Shutter Island looked good. Howard said he got an offer for the screening of that one and he wasn't sure he wanted to see it. He said he gets upset about mistaken identity movies. Gary sand Robin said that's not what it's about. Howard told them what he thought it was about and Robin and Gary corrected him on what he was seeing. Gary and Robin said it was an evil island that traps these cops on the island and it wasn't a mistaken identity movie. Howard said he hates trailers that go to black all the time too. Howard said he likes Russell Crow but he's looking kind of chubby to be Robin Hood.
Howard played some of The Who's performance at the game. He said it was all fake because they were lip syncing. He said he thinks that even the crowd singing along was fake. Howard said it was making him mental watching that stuff. Gary said he thinks that they're almost out of people to perform at those shows. Fred said that maybe Pink Floyd. Howard said maybe Billy Joel would be one. Gary said the guys in Pink Floyd don't even talk to each other. Howard said he doesn't think that Roger Waters cares. He said that he runs into Roger once in a while.
Howard said that half time show sounded good but it was recorded. A caller said he thought Pete was actually playing guitar at times. Fred said he was really playing but not like he used to be able to play. Fred said that they weren't even close to what they used to be. Fred said he thinks that Roger was doing something where he may have been singing over himself or something. Robin said that Pete wasn't touching the strings when he was doing the windmill. Howard said he thought it was kind of sad. They filmed it shitty and there were some other issues there.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that it is embarrassing for guys like that to do a performance like that. Howard said they should have shown what they can do instead of cutting away so much.
The caller said he saw Howard out the other night at the Garden and he didn't know how beautiful Beth actually was. Howard said they're a striking couple when they go out. He said he was sitting near some Yankees pitcher who he didn't know. Gary said it was CC Sabathia. He said he saw Mario Cantone out there too.
Robin said she ran into Hoda from The Today Show at a party the other night. She said that Hoda said hello to her and the she left the party.
Howard said maybe the Eagles would be good at the half time show. they threw out John Fogarty and The Police in that conversation too. Howard said earlier that he'd like to see Pearl Jam. He said they're good live. He said that Michael Jackson's kids would be good too. He said he'd like to see them do anything. Maybe they can have them sing to that Autotune thing.
Howard said his brother-in-law was supposed to go to the game but his wife gave birth 6 weeks early so he wasn't able to go. Howard said that's going to be the guy's story forever. He said that the kid's name is Ainsley. Howard said he's an uncle once again. Howard said her water broke and the next thing they knew, no super bowl for him.
Howard said that half time report on the Super Bowl was awful. He said they had the coach from Pittsburgh there and some other guys. Gary said that was Phil Cowher, Boomer Esiason, James Brown and some other dude, Shannon Sharp. Howard said that guy has marbles in his mouth. Howard said no one has a real conversation during that report. He said they had so many commercials to play that they weren't able to talk. Howard said that they had to let Jay Leno redeem himself on that Letterman commercial.
Howard said Shannon Sharp talks and you don't know what the hell he's saying. Robin said he's got bigger teeth than Gary does. Howard said he doesn't know who picked him as a speaker but he was horrible. The whole half time show was horribly produced.
Captain Janks called in and asked if he watched channel 4. Howard said that Janks is hell bent on saying Steve Langford's mother is a cunt on every show. Janks said he'd lay off if Steve would back off of him. Howard said he's not sure why Janks is so upset with Steve. He said he kind of gets why he wants him to back off. Janks said that Steve is taking jabs at him for no good reason other than to take jabs at him.
Howard said Janks called a show and got through and said ''Steve Langford's mother is a cunt'' and the woman asks what he had just said and he started to repeat himself. They cut him off and said they were going to try and get the real guy on the phone. They later apologized for that incident on the show.
Howard wondered why NBC isn't fined for something like that. He said that they have to have a delay on the air.
Janks said that Steve called him and said that he was going to report him to the authorities after that call. Howard said that Steve is angry at him for doing that so of course he's going to say something. He said he's not sure who the proper authorities are though. Howard said he'd rather hear Janks calling and mentioning his name instead of Steve's. Janks said he will do that when Steve backs off.
Gary said he just heard from Steve who said that he did not speak to Janks. Janks said that he knows that he called him. He said that the guy sounded exactly like Steve. Howard thanked Janks for the call and tried to let him go. Janks said that there's this show called Man Vs. Wild and they dropped him off in Guatemala last week. Howard got a laugh out of that. Robin is still planning on going down there.
Howard had a bunch of reports about that story. He played a clip from an entertainment show where they talked about Howard Stern talking about wanting to take over a TV show. They also played the audio of Howard telling Conan a few years ago that Jay would never leave The Tonight Show.
There was another entertainment show that reported that Howard might be in line for replacing Simon Cowell and they asked if Baba Booey was going to replace Ryan Seacrest. Howard played another one where they reported on the story and said that Howard could take over for Simon and Idol is one of the few shows that could afford to pay him $100 million a year to do it. Howard said he'd take the job for $100 million. That sounded good to him.
Howard took a call from Sour Shoes who claims that he was the one who called Janks as Steve Langford. Howard had Sour do his impression of Steve to show what that sounded like. Howard said that he can see him falling for that. Sour started to play some of his music after that. Howard asked if he had a recording of that. Sour said that he'd dig through his audio files and try to find it. He did an impression of Gary telling him where to find it on his computer.
Howard played some more audio clips of news reports about him possibly taking over for Simon Cowell. There was one clip where a douche bag was saying that they were grasping for straws over there if they did that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he's going to have time to do the radio show if he takes that job. Howard said he won't have time so he's going to pull an Oprah and do as little as possible. Howard pretended to have a conversation with Gayle King on the phone about the whole Idol thing and how he was going to try and get Ellen to quit by calling her a cunt and things like that. He had a whole conversation with himself about taking over Idol. He was talking about having Eric the Midget sitting on his lap. He said he could go out and do the judging thing and how he'd handle all of that.
Howard had Gayle getting a pizza from Dominos pizza and Gary was delivering it since he didn't have a job after Howard left his radio show. Howard was doing his impression of Gary talking to Gayle about that. He said that Gary had to take a hit on his house in Connecticut because he had bar stools in his home theater. Howard had Gayle telling Gary that the pizza was 5 minutes late so she didn't have to pay either.
Howard was goofing on Gary about his 45 record spindle that he has around his neck. He said that was the only thing Gary had left in this fantasy of his. Howard said that Gary was riding Scott Salem's back in this story too. He didn't even have a car anymore after losing his job.
Howard said Oprah is smarter than he is. He said she's getting $50 million to do nothing. He actually works for his money. Howard talked about how great it would be if she got on her show there at SIRIUS XM and talked about Jay and Dave. He said she's not going to do it though. She's going to take that story to her TV show or her internet show.
Howard played some more news reports about him taking over on American Idol. This report was on the local FOX 5 news. Rosanna Scotto and Ernie Anastos were talking about how they think it could work.
Howard played another report where some reporters were talking about the possibility of Howard taking over on the show.
Howard said he thinks that the job would be pretty easy. He said he'd have to travel a bit but then he gets some months off to rest before the next season. Howard said if SIRIUS wants him back, he wants to work 13 weeks a year for $100 million a year. He said that's TV money. He said he'd bust everyone's balls on American Idol. He said he would reinvent that whole show.
Howard said that he's pretty sure Ryan Seacrest would be the first one to quit. Howard said he would tell the guy he's gay and ask where his girlfriend is. He said he'd threaten to rape him if he said something dumb on the show. Robin said that's the kind of thing he'd have to tone down on that show. Howard said he would ask Ryan to stop saying ''This... is... American Idol'' the way he does.
Howard said he'd keep a big rubber dildo at his side for Ellen. When he wants her to shut up he'd just give that to her and tell her to quiet down for a few. He said that he could have a dog for her to adopt and give up in a couple of weeks too. He said that he'd ask her where the Cover Girl face is too.
Howard said he'd make Randy dress up as a Sumo wrestler. He said that would be funny. Howard said they'd all run off like rats on a ship. Howard said he doesn't care because he'll just go in there and judge. Robin said that would be funny if that happened and everyone left. Howard said he thinks that Kara likes him and he'd have her in a bikini on that show. He said no one would care if she did run off. Howard said he'd just bring back Brian Dunkleman if everyone left.
Gary came in and asked if he has answered the question if there is any validity to the rumor. Howard said he can not confirm or deny. Howard said he would say it was all hearsay if he wanted him to. Gary said that if he were Howard that sounds like the greatest gig in the world. Howard said he and Robin figured it out and he'd work like 4 months a year. He said he'd be fine with that. Howard said the Idol producers go through all of the bad performances and it's just the really good ones and the really bad ones that they put on TV.
Gary asked Howard how much work he thinks he'd have to do on a Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Howard said he's pretty sure there would be no work at all. He said if they gave him $100 million to judge a karaoke contest, he'd even go there to build the stage. Howard said he doesn't think that there's that much work to do.
Howard said he would have a rack of clothing at the tryouts and he'd give the contestants an outfit to wear for their ''real'' job instead of the singing job.
Gary asked if he would go to the other countries to do the ''American Idol Cares'' concerts. Howard said there's no way that's happening. He said he doesn't care at all so he doesn't want to do that. Howard said he would bring Eric the Midget on the show and claim that he's a Guatemalan child or something instead.
Howard played some more of the news reports about the rumors of him going on that show. There were some reporters saying they don't like Howard at all and he wouldn't be a good replacement. Howard pointed out that some of those people were radio guys and they're just jealous because they're nobodies. Howard said he should go on terrestrial radio and kick all of their asses. He said he'll just go on that one market to kick their asses into the ground.
Howard played another report where they mentioned Tommy Mottola as a possible replacement for Simon. Howard said Tommy is his man. He said that guy would be good as a judge. Robin said maybe it could be Howard and Tommy.
Howard said Ellen must hate this. She's probably thinking that she just got one season on the show and now she has to hear this.
There were some reporters saying that Howard was a perfect replacement for Simon. Some of the other reporters would point out that Howard has no music credentials. Howard said he has plenty of music credentials. He said he has more than Ellen does. He said even Paula Abdul doesn't know music.
Howard did an impression of what Dick Clark would sound like as a judge on American Idol. He had them talking to Dick and asking what he had just said because they couldn't understand his stroke talk. Fred threw in some Crackhead Bob clips during that.
Howard played another clip of Maria Menounos talking about how she thinks that Howard would be a great replacement on the show. They were doing a whole vote on that show trying go find out if people think he'd be good.
Howard said he had played 7 of those clips now and he had about another 5,000. He played some audio from The Insider where they were talking about how it would be a home run. Howard said he wants to do it now. Robin said that they were saying that they weren't sure if it was going to happen or not. Howard played more of that report and the woman on the show was saying that Howard and Beth can't stand to be apart so it would never work. Howard said that Beth would be on the road with him so of course it would work out. Howard said he'd be out on the road for 4 months and then he'd be home. Howard said it would be great.
Howard played a clip from the FOX Business channel. He said no one cares what they think. He let that one play through and the guys were saying that it could work. One woman said that Howard isn't a music guy. Howard said he used to pick music for a radio station so of course he knows music. Howard said he had to take a break and go pee. He said he had more to play though. He said maybe he'll come back with a few more clips.
Howard said he can't imagine anyone else replacing Simon Cowell. He said that no one else could do the job the right way. Robin threw Conan O'Brien's name out there but Fred said he'd be too nice. Howard agreed with Fred. He went to break after that.
Howard came back and sang along to the Aerosmith song and said it's a shame that they're unraveling right now. Robin said she read that the latest is that no one has left the band and no one has been fired. Howard said you can't walk away from a band like that.
Howard said he thought the Google commercial was very effective. Fred said he heard that it was an internet commercial and he thought it was great too. Howard said it changed the way he looks at Google. He said he typed in a question this morning to see how it worked and it was very effective. He said the internet really is great. He said it's really cool. Howard said the other commercials try to be funny and they're just not. Howard talked about how lame the GoDaddy.com commercials are and things like that.
Howard said he'd play a couple more of the news clips but he had Irish John on the show. John asked why Howard doesn't just create his own show and rip them off like everyone rips him off. Howard said this would be a cush job and he wouldn't have to do anything. He said that he doesn't care if they take the control out of his hands. John said that Howard is crazy so he thinks it would be great. John said they could have a Sybian there for the hot chicks to ride. Howard said he doesn't want to go and reinvent something. He said he just has to sit there and be a judge. He said he does that at home anyway so he might as well do it. Howard said he wants to work with Ellen Degeneres. He said that would be great.
Howard played some more news clips about the American Idol job offer. There was one clip where some women were talking about this alleged offer and one of them was saying she's tired of this ''stunt'' casting they're doing on the show. Howard said that he doesn't care if he gets this job. He said he'd like to see who else they're going to get to do it. He said he'll sit back and watch it fail and then people will be saying they should have hired him.
Howard said that this was bothering him now. He said he was getting angry that they're discussing him like that. Howard said he just got a message about his sandwich being there. He said he got a bummer sandwich earlier and it smelled odd. He said that he was going to eat it but Tim told him not to so he threw it out. Howard told Benjy it was in the garbage if he wanted it.
Howard had some more of these reporters debating about him taking over on Idol. One of the guys thought it was a great idea but he didn't think it would ever happen. Howard said he thinks he could do the job. He said he should take the job and just be Paula Abdul and tell everyone they're good.
Robin asked Howard if he could really judge someone who comes in and sings Country music. Howard said he could do it. He might tell them that they suck but if they look good they could be a star. He said it doesn't take much to be a country star.
Howard said he had to get everyone under control over there. He said that the ugly people would get the astronaut helmet to wear while they sing. He said he'd tell them to go lose some weight and come back next year.
Howard played more of the reporters debating over him. Howard was talking about how he'd have a lot of props to work with and he'd have gaffers tape to cover up the mouths of people to quiet them down when they suck. Howard said he would get in his car and drive people to a psychiatrist's office when they think they can sing and they're awful. He said he could have straight jackets there on the show too. Howard said he could go out in the hallway and put some straight jackets on the whole family if they think their daughter can sing. He said he'd have Carrie Fisher there to give them electro shock therapy.
Howard said Gary called him to ask if he was really going to be the judge. He said he didn't answer. Gary said it was actually email. Howard said he's not telling anyone. Howard said Gary asked him like 10 times this morning and he didn't tell him anything. He said he's already asked them over at Idol if there's a place for Gary there. Gary asked if it was delivering pizza. Howard said that's it. He told Gary not to be late.
Gary asked if it was that crazy to wonder what he's going to be doing. Howard said he will have a job for him at Idol if he goes there. He said maybe he can be in charge of Randy's glasses. He said he could make him in charge of Ryan Seacrest or something. He said he just wants to take care of his people. He said they may need a guy who is good at Solitaire. He said they might need a guy who can type with one finger. Gary said that joke is old and he's said he never learned to type.
Gary said he doesn't want to move to L.A. either. Howard said that maybe he can write the number on Gary's teeth when they give them out. Howard said that's a job for Gary. He said he has to come with him to L.A. if he gets that job. Gary said it depends on the job.
Howard said that's funny that Gary can't leave his sports bar in his home theater for four months. Howard said maybe he'll just move Tommy Bergeron over to Idol instead of Ryan Seacrest. Howard went to another break after that so he could eat his sandwich.
Howard said he's going to ruin that guy's whole world. He said he bets that the guy would watch every minute of that show. The guy said that Howard has pumped sewage into our society for years and then he made a ''blechhhh'' sound.
Howard said that guy won't be able to tune out of the promos for the show. He said maybe they can edit out all of his comments from the show for people like this.
Howard played more of the clip and the people on the show were going back and forth talking about him. One woman said that maybe this story was being thrown out there because Howard's contract is up for renewal this year.
Howard said he could bring Bubba's shit fan on the show and spray the people that suck with shit. Howard said he had a million more reports but he'll have to save them for tomorrow. Howard said he bets that this guy who was bad mouthing him doesn't even talk that badly about Osama bin Laden. He said he might spray himself with liquid ass one day on that show.
Howard said he doesn't like Janks making comments about Steve's mother. Steve said that it is kind of amusing to see the reactions on the faces of the news hosts.
Steve said that Daniel Carver Jr. is still in jail after 4 months. The judge is keeping him in jail even though his parents are saying they'll keep him under control. Steve got in some plugs for tonight's Tim Stack radio show and Greg Fitzsimmons show before he wrapped up.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He ran down the list of subjects they had for today's show. Howard had more ideas for what he'd like to do on Idol if he was on the show. He wanted to have a trap door to drop the contestants when they're bad. He could have them being eaten by past contestants who lost. Howard said that's a new movie idea so he asked that no one steal it. He thinks that people would watch the show with all of these new ideas he has. He had even more ideas that he was throwing out there. He talked about how honest he's going to be with the contestants and how he'd tell the girls that they're not getting any dudes hard if they're fat and look like crap. He said they want girls who look like Britney Spears and Rihanna, not Fantasia Barino. Howard kept coming up with ideas for how he'd change Idol.
Jon finished up his Wrap Up Show preview. They were also talking about the Super Bowl some more during that. Jon finished up and Howard moved on to Robin's news.
Robin read a story about Sarah Silverman talking about the guy she's dating and how skinny he is. She was saying that she may have mistaken guys who are pudgy as being strong and she was wrong about that.
Robin read a story about the new people on Celebrity Fit Club. Howard said he saw that Bobby Brown was on there and Nicole Eggert too. He said she was so hot on Baywatch and now she's a big blimp. He said when you're that hot it's mandatory to keep up your weight. Robin said Kevin Federline is on the show too. She said that's starting tonight on VH1.
Robin said that Kirstie Ally has a new show starting too. She read about that and said that the show is about her new weight loss company. Howard couldn't believe that. He said that she's a fatso and she's got a weight loss company? He said she's a real sell out.
Howard got back to his Idol discussions and talked about Ellen and how he'd ask her to borrow her girlfriend Portia on the show. He imagined what that conversation would be like and pretended he was on the phone with her while using his megaphone.
Robin read a story about a list of people that were voted to be the favorite movie stars in the country. Robin read the list and said that John Wayne was on the list even though he's been dead for many years. Robin said that number one was Clint Eastwood. Howard said in the day that guy was good.
Robin read some news about the Super Bowl. She had some audio clips from some of the players and the fans responding to what went on in the game. Robin had some people chanting ''Who Dat'' so Fred threw in some Crazy Alice ''Who Dis'' clips too. Howard had to take a break a short time later.
After the break Howard came back and had Robin get right back to her news. Robin read some stories about the big snow storm that hit over the weekend. Robin said they didn't get much of anything in the city. Howard said the storm missed them. Robin said they got over two feet down south. Robin said Staten Island got about 6 inches but they didn't get much of anything in the city.
Robin read through some stories about football and a possible lock out. Howard took a call during that story and the guy asked about what he thought of Sarah Palin and her crib notes on her hand. Robin said she was just going to talk about that. Howard and Robin spent a short time talking about that. Howard said he doesn't like Sarah Palin and thinks that she's an illiterate. He said Meg Griffin said it best and read a quote from her about what she thinks of Palin. He read through that and said that Meg was on a roll. He said she was on a written tear. Howard and Robin spent a short time talking about Sarah Palin and what they think of her.
Robin read about Sarah Palin going to an event and during her keynote speech she was criticizing Obama and the way things are going with him in office. Howard played some of her speech which was actually the edited clips that Richard put together with her audio book.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he finds it funny that Howard rags on fat chicks on the show but he's so grotesque that HD is going to show his face. Howard said it doesn't matter, he's just going to be a judge. Howard said he doesn't have to look good. Howard said it doesn't happen for the chicks that look frumpy. Howard said he can wear things on his face and cover that up. He said the show isn't about good looking people as judges. He said that everyone is jumping on his thing here.
Robin had some audio of Obama talking about the terrorist court case that's supposed to take place in New York City. She had a couple of audio clips of him that she played.
Robin read a story about Robin Thicke and played some of his music. Howard that music is so bad. Robin loves the guy though.
Robin read some movie news and said that Avatar was knocked out of the number one spot this weekend. She had some audio clips of various people talking about their movies. Howard got irritated with some of the clips and quickly cut them off as always. Robin read some news about Ashton Kutcher's new movie and had him talking about florists. Howard was goofing on some other people in the middle of that and doing impressions of them. He even slipped into his Ted Kennedy accidentally in the middle of that. They played a few more audio clips and goofed on those before wrapping up and ending the show around 10:10am.
Jon said that Howard said he wasn't going to tell him and had that smile on his face like he had gotten one over on him. Gary said he wants to work on the show as long as Howard wants to work on it but he'd like to know if it's going to be over.
Jon asked Gary if he thinks he's been offered the job. Gary said he thinks there's something going on but he's not sure what. He said maybe FOX came to him and asked him to host the show but he's not sure how far they've gotten with the deal. Jon asked if he thinks that FOX would let him be the judge. Gary said he thinks that they would.
Jon asked about all of the suggestions that Howard had for the show. Gary said he liked the idea of the rack of clothes that he'd have for the poor performers. He thinks that they'd have sponsors begging to be on that rack eventually.
Gary said that they say Howard makes $100 million a year there at SIRIUS. If they offered him a gig like that on TV for less time working then he couldn't pass it up. Gary said he might be leaving his legacy on radio behind but he's already left his mark.
Benjy said maybe Howard should be doing something that's the most fulfilling for him and not about the money. He said that maybe the money could make it competitive. Gary said he thinks that it's about the money but not for the need of money.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that Howard would go after Regis Philbin's job and not that job. She thinks that he would go for that because it's in New York. She said that she has inside information and she knows that's the job he's going for. Jon asked if they have no interest in Howard for Idol. She said that's absolutely what it was.
Another caller said he doesn't think Howard is going to that show. He said that the HD thing is a problem for Howard. He always worries about how he looks on TV and there's no way they're going to shoot him the right way. Gary said Howard looks fine and he'd be okay with that.
The caller asked if they think Howard could do that show and a show there at SIRIUS. Gary said that one of the things he learned is that anything is possible on satellite radio. He said look at Oprah and you'll see that. Jon said that Ryan Seacrest hosts that show and does his own show too. Gary said Howard would have to move his show around if he did that.
Gary asked if Ryan moves his show around. The caller explained what his show was like and said that they can do the show from any location.
The caller was pointing out that they have a lot of Jewish people on the show. Gary said that they have a lot of Jewish people in the area so that's not that surprising. He said that it's not that they're trying to fill the show up with Jews.
The caller said that Howard protects other Jews too and he protected another Jewish broadcaster when he said ''Martin Luther Koon'' one time. Gary said that's just not the case. They told the guy that not everyone on the show is Jewish either.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that he saw that story in the NY Post about Howard possibly taking Simon Cowell's place and she flipped out. He said his prediction is that Howard will be in the same chair he's in now for a little more money than he's making now. He said maybe they'll have some staffing changes but he'll still be in that seat on the radio.
Jon asked the guy if he thinks his wife would watch Idol if Howard was the host. The caller said that his wife is really Christian so she probably wouldn't watch. He said that he has to keep it a secret from her that he listens to the show. He said he's a huge fan though. He said he thinks that they're going to lose more viewers than they'd gain if Howard does do the show.
Benjy asked how much time they spend on the road with that show. Jon said it's just a couple of days in each city so it's really not that much. Gary said that they're not seeing all of those people that you see on the show. Gary said he thinks that the producers see everyone and they screen the ones that they actually put on the show. Jon agreed with that.
Benjy asked Jon if he thinks that FOX had anything to do with the story in the NY Post because they do own the paper. Jon said that it was a juicy rumor no matter how you look at it. He said that Howard is going to play into it either way.
Jon asked Gary what he thought of the conversation Howard had with the fake Gayle King and what he thinks Howard thinks of his future. Gary said that Howard would go off to do that show and he's not sure how many people he'd need to go with him. He said Ralph might have a job but no one else would go along as far as he knows.
Jon asked who would last longer, Seacrest or Ellen. Gary said that Seacrest isn't going anywhere. He said Ellen might leave sooner than him.
Gary said that maybe this is all a master plan to get Howard and Ellen on the show to create fireworks. Gary said maybe they'll get out there and dig each other. He said it could end up being like Howard and Rosie.
Another caller said that he had to turn off the radio this morning when Howard talked about this stuff. He said that Howard started the rumors last week when he mentioned he was offered a show and turned it down. The caller said he thinks that Howard will leave SIRIUS. He said that Howard won't go on a trip with his wife when she goes to California. He said that SIRIUS is going to let Howard go because they're already losing money. He said that they can't keep him on. The guy said they're losing money hand over fist and if they let Howard go they could probably stop the bleeding. The caller said Howard won't do Idol either. He said there's just too much bullshit there.
Gary said that Sam was saying they lost $800 million there last year and he's not sure about that. He said they have a lot of debt but they're a profitable company as far as he knows.
Another caller said that he thinks that Howard needs to stick around there to make SIRIUS what it once was. Gary said they'd have to be there a really long time to bring it back up to where it was. The caller said they need to give it 10 years or so and it'll be a great thing.
The caller said he noticed that the show isn't what it once was and the Wack Pack is decimated lately. He said that Mark the Bagger was great on the show and they don't hear from him or from Big Foot. Gary said that the Wack Pack is still alive but they need something to do with the people. He said they just had High Pitch on and Beetlejuice is coming in soon. He said that they're still alive.
The caller said that he knows Howard isn't going to leave the show. He said he's too tied up in it. Gary said that everyone thinks they know Howard and what he's going to do. He said that they don't all know him that well.
Gary said he thinks Howard would do a great job on Idol and he'd turn people's opinions around if he actually did the show. They had to go to break after that.
Jon and Gary talked about the Letterman commercial and how shocking it was to see him with Jay Leno and Oprah in that commercial. Gary said he knew it wasn't a Leno look alike but he did go back on the TiVo to check it.
Gary said that he thought Leno looked kind of like a bitch in the commercial. He said some people think he came off better than that but he's not sure about that. Benjy said that he thinks that people will think he came off okay for doing it.
Jon and the guys talked about the musical performances there at the game. They talked about Queen Latifah's performance and The Who. Gary said that it was kind of sad to see The Who doing their thing when there was a time in their career when they wouldn't have done it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Steve Brandano was a douche for calling him the worst caller ever one time. They didn't get too far into that discussion before moving on to another caller.
A caller said Howard had the chance to do the show from the Super Bowl so he was wondering if they were upset about that. Gary said he was kind of bummed about that but Howard didn't see it working for the show so there was no point in arguing it with him. Gary said Howard sees the show as losing something when they take it out on the road. He said that even if there are a lot of stars down there they aren't necessarily going to do the show. Gary said they could still end up with no guests on the show.
Another caller asked the guys if they're worried about what they're going to do if Howard leaves. Gary said he has been meeting with people to prepare for that but he's not actually looking for a job right now. He said that if JD came to him he'd have to tell him he doesn't have an answer for him. He said he hopes that Howard will give them 6 months notice. He said after that everyone is going to have to start making their own decisions.
Jon took another call from a guy who said he thinks that Howard would get annoyed with that show if he did it. He said that he'd watch the show but he's not sure Howard could take it. Benjy said he thinks Howard has a passion for it and he would be into it. Jon gave that caller a Crumbs Bake Shop prize out of the blue.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that there were people taking bets on how many windmills Pete Townshend would do during The Who performance. He said he caught 5 and a half himself but he's not sure of the exact number.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that Howard doing Idol is beneath him. Gary said that Howard watches the show though so that's not beneath him. Gary said maybe Howard has decided to do something different. The caller said he's going to follow Howard wherever he goes.
A caller asked Gary who is in charge if he drops dead. Gary said if he dropped dead tomorrow then Will would probably be next in line. The caller was shocked by that. He said he didn't think anyone there would be prepared for that. Gary said they do need a plan in place so Will is the guy. Gary said that Howard might go out and find someone else if he really did pass away. Gary said Howard would probably want a writer or writers on the show.
Gary said he thinks that Howard would start goofing on him the following week after he died. Gary said he thinks that Jason might be next in line or maybe Jon Hein. He said that he's not sure. He said that he and Will talk every day and he knows the inner workings of what Howard is thinking so he would probably be the guy. Benjy said Will is really good at Solitaire too so that might put him next in line. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show with some Ed McMahon ''Hey Ohhhh'' stuff. He asked Robin if she does that. Robin said that's more of a guy thing. She said that it's actually ''Hi ohhh'' in the audio clips that Fred plays. Howard said he's dead now and he lived like 5 years too long. Howard said he was broke that last 5 years. Robin said at least he took it with him.
Howard said that you always end up living too long. He said David Brenner wants to take it all with him too but he may live too long and run out.
Howard said there's a cool Sam Kinison movie out that Gary gave him. He said he didn't remember the name of it but it reminded him of how brilliant Sam was. He said there were a couple of routines he did that were great. He said the one where he talked about poor people with no food and how they should just move. Howard said he also did that routine about people who live in the sand and don't realize that nothing is ever going to grow in the sand.
Howard said Sam was very unique and there will never be another one like him. He said he wanted to make a movie about Sam and wanted to have Robin Williams play the part. Howard said he wanted him to do what Meryl Streep did with Julia Child.
Howard said that Robin Williams hates his guts though so he'd never work with him. He said he hates him because he had said on the air that Robin's wife was his babysitter and Robin got all upset about it. He said he knows Robin left all bummed out after that interview. Howard said it may have been his fault and maybe he should have done a more serious interview.
Howard said Robin Williams is too old now to do that movie. Howard said Robin also talks about his heart attack a lot now and that bums him out. Robin said that she thought that he was very funny. Howard said he has to work on his outfits because he wears pants that are too short and too short socks so you see his leg all the time during interviews. He said that's the worst look ever.
Howard said that Sam Kinison movie made him sad. He said he keeps some stuff from the show in his home office. He said he has pictures and different things from his career. He said he has awards and pictures from his movie and stuff.
Howard said one of the things he has is something that either Sam or Bill Kinison gave him. It's a necklace that an artist made in the Village. He said that the guy's name was Axle and he made jewelry out of bones. He said that Sam was wearing one of them one time he came in and it was a huge thing in silver. He said Sam told him about this guy and one of the two gave him the necklace and he used to keep it in a box. Now he keeps it out near a picture he has of he and Sam playing on stage at some show. He said he has that picture framed and a metal skull with the necklace around it with a candle on the shelf. He said that it's kind of a way to remember Sam.
Howard said he figured that Sam would have been a bigger thing than he is now. He said that he figured someone would have made a movie about him and people would have known more about him. Robin said it might take a movie to remind people of how great Sam was.
Howard said he used to have that production company and he had about 10 projects going at one time. He said that people were buying his ideas that he was pitching and the Sam Kinison project was one that didn't make an impression on anyone. He said the movie studios didn't understand it and would tell him he couldn't make it. Howard said they thought it was too tragic of a story.
Howard said it has to be like 18 years since Sam died so maybe it is time to make one. He said that the Lenny Bruce movie had to be about that. Benjy told him it was only 8 years.
Howard said the story about Sam's life is pretty interesting. He told some of the things he knew about him and said that it seems like something that would be good for a movie. Howard said his stand-up comedy was brilliant and that would relieve the tension in the movie.
Howard played some clips of Sam doing his comedy. He had some clips of him talking about world hunger and starving kids. Sam says that maybe the film crew could give the kids a sandwich. Then he says the best way to stop world hunger by stopping feeding them and giving them a U-Haul to get them out of the desert.
Howard said Sam could electrify a stage like no one else. He said he thinks that Bill Kinison is behind this movie he saw. He said that the other bit that Sam did was him talking about reading in the paper about gay necropheliacs and he'd lay on the floor like a corpse and give his thoughts about a guy entering his asshole.
Howard said Sam's scream got a lot of attention but it wasn't just about screaming. He was just giving his thoughts and emphasizing them with that.
Howard asked Fred and Gary to see if they could find that routine he was talking about. Fred was looking for it under the Raw Dog comedy channel section in his computer.
Howard said Russo was charged up out of his mind about that game and he didn't know what he was talking about at first. He should have known about what it was because he's a man but he didn't. Howard said the Super Bowl was huge this year in the ratings. It got bigger ratings than the season finale of MASH. He said that's a new record.
Howard talked about the American Idol rumors he was talking about yesterday and how that show is fucked if they don't find someone good to replace Simon Cowell. He said that show is kind of shitty without Simon. He said that show is nothing without that guy.
Robin said that Ellen was on last night and she was making stupid jokes about people pulling up their pants and stuff. Howard said Ellen is a dishonest performer. He said that she was excited about doing the show because Simon is there. He said that if he takes over that show, she'll be gone. He said he doesn't think she'll work with him. Howard said he thinks they could do fine without her though.
Robin said they were talking about that on the Wrap Up Show yesterday and asking if Ryan or Ellen would leave first. Howard said Ryan's feet would catch fire from running out of there so fast. He said they can find someone to replace Ryan no problem. He asked Fred to do the ''This...Is... American Idol'' announce. Fred did it just fine but Howard said he night be too old now. He said they can get someone like Mario Lopez or someone like that.
Gary came back in with the Kinison bit that he was looking for. Howard couldn't find it on his computer. Howard said that they have to be prepared. Sal came in and said that he told Gary to give him one minute and he'd have it up. Howard said that they have to get this organized because they're going to have to find jobs if he takes over this American Idol.
Howard said he was reading about this Ellen Degeneres and found out what a phony person she is. Howard said she's a phony, mean person and people hate working with her. Howard said she's brutal but in this article he was reading she claims that she's a nice person and doesn't want to be mean like Simon Cowell. Howard said he thinks that she wants to be a man. He said she's probably very frustrated.
Howard said that when he's the judge on the show he's going to give opinions on Ellen and not just the contestants. Howard said that he's going to talk about what she says back stage and stuff like that if he hears it. He said that he wants her to cut out this nice person bullshit and be real.
Howard said he guarantees that she's 20 times meaner than him off the air. He said the guys that work with him know that he's a nice person off the air. He said he's going to call it the way it is. He'll tell people that she calls Sanjaya rag heads if she does that. He said maybe he'll do it just to ruin her image. Howard said he's heard that she's really rude.
Howard said he met Ellen about 8 years ago. He was at the CBS Up Fronts and he had just started dating Beth. They were going out for about two weeks at the time. He said he was with Vinnie and Mitch at that event and they started walking out with him. He said he was going to walk to Beth's apartment. He said that she got upset because she was dressed in overalls. Howard said they hadn't really made out yet. He said her apartment was a bit of a dump. He said he told her it was charming at the time.
Howard said he told Beth that her computer sucked back then. He said she told him that her ex-boyfriend had given it to her. He said it looked like that old computer on ''Lost.'' He said her ceiling was caving in and things like that too. Howard said she didn't have any security and her balcony was open to the public. He said her neighbor would knock and want to come in and it was really expensive to live there.
Howard said Beth put on some music in the apartment and he had no idea who it was. He said it was some weird crap like Sebastian and Bell or something like that. Gary said it was actually Bell and Sebastian. Howard said he didn't know what the hell that was.
Howard said he pulled a cool move and got up and danced with Beth to the music. Robin said that's a good move. Howard said they started making out and danced a bit. He said it was kind of romantic except that it was him instead of Richard Gere. Howard said it was sexy except for the fact that it was him.
Howard said he and Beth danced for a long time but there was no banging. He said that she held out for a while.
Fred found some of that Bell and Sebastian music. He played it and asked Howard if that's what it was. Howard said he's not sure but it was bad. He said that's the one thing he knew. Fred said that it probably sounds great when you're looking at Beth. Howard said that's for sure.
Howard said he never really listened to the music that Beth was playing. He said it didn't matter at the time. He said they barely heard the music. He said when he makes out with a girl you can't hear anything. That's because he jams his tongue in her ear.
Robin asked Howard how he met Ellen. Howard said he saw her at the CBS thing and he knew she wasn't thrilled with him because he's the devil. He said that she's a dick though. He said that she was with some broad there and it may have been Portia De Rossi. He said that Ellen is about Robin's height, around 5'6'' tall. He said he thinks he could take her in a fight. He said he's like Lord Vader walking in. He said he shook hands with Ellen. He said that's what dudes do. He said Portia isn't manly like that. He said that he's not even sure if she's gay. He thinks he could convert her.
Howard said he's pretty sure that it was Portia she was with but Fred said she's only been with her since 2004. It could have been another woman. Fred said that Ellen did date a man according to what he was reading. He said the name was just listed as ''Mel.'' Howard said that could be a chick's name too. Howard said Ellen was cordial to him but there was no warmth in the room.
Howard said that everyone cares about this American Idol thing. He said it's kind of like art in that way. If you don't care then it's not really important but if you love it or hate it, then it matters. He said that people either love this idea or hate it. No one is saying they don't care.
Howard played the Joy Behar show clip where she was talking about Howard possibly replacing Simon with a group of people. One woman said that Howard might be a good replacement for Simon but then they were saying that they might have to worry about Howard's language on that show.
Howard said he's not sure why they think he's going to curse. He was able to not curse on terrestrial radio. The group were also talking about how Howard doesn't know much about music but Simon Cowell does. Howard cut it off again and asked how they know that he knows music. Simon doesn't know music anymore than he does. Howard had an article about Simon that said he lost his record company so he must not know music that well. He wasn't able to pick decent bands.
Gary told Howard that Simon is a legend in England as far as the music thing. Howard said that if he was able to run a record company he could probably do just as well as Simon did. He said the guy is entertaining on the show and he doesn't know what a hit is anymore than he does. Robin said that's what she was telling people yesterday.
Howard played more of the Joy Behar show clip. He listened to the group discussing Simon and Howard possibly replacing him. They were talking about how it might be a nice jolt of newness to the show. Joy said she would watch it if Howard was on.
Robin said that she doesn't watch because she knows what's going to happen on the show. Robin said they used to have her but the predictability of the show is what lost her.
Howard said another major network gave him an offer to do another show and they weren't able to make that happen. Howard said that he's not just going to jump on the bandwagon to do the show. He said he has a career going now and he doesn't need to do that. He said he doesn't need to take over a top show. He said he could start up his own show and do the same kind of thing. Howard said he could take over Jay Leno at 10pm and get that going.
Howard said he dressed so warm today that he's sweating in there. He said he thought the snow was coming today. Howard said they may have to use their emergency set up to do the show from home tomorrow. Robin said that they're so close they shouldn't have to do that. Robin said they could walk to work if they had to. Howard said he's not going to walk to work.
Howard said if he took that American Idol job he'd probably sit in his apartment and wait for his first day of work so he wouldn't get sick.
Robin said they were talking about Howard on the Wrap Up Show yesterday and they don't think that he could do all of the traveling. Howard said he could do that no problem because he would only have to work for 4 months. He said he could end up with a mansion out in L.A. if he got that job. He said he could live out in Los Angeles no problem for that few months. Howard said he could demand a ton of stuff from the show if they really want him.
Howard said if they're going to hire him for $100 million to work for four months, he's in. He said that if they give him that kind of money the negotiations are over. He said he's in. He said that would piss Ryan Seacrest off too. Robin said that she's heard that he gets paid ridiculous amounts of money for doing that job. She said she's heard about his mansion and wine cellar and stuff like that. Howard said he must be the world's worst nightmare to deal with.
Howard said he would tell the Idol people he wants Ryan's house. He said he'd actually just stay at the Four Seasons hotel for a few months. He said that for that kind of money he'd stay in a jail cell. Robin told him he doesn't know himself at all. She said that if she took Howard's chair and swapped it out he wouldn't be able to do this show. Howard said he would be a pain in the ass. He said that $100 million for four months does sound good though.
Howard said Oprah came in and did a boring hour and took her 50 million and walked home. Howard said they didn't even let Sal and Richard leave their office while she was there. Howard said they should have unleashed them on her. He said she does nothing for this company. He said she goes on the Letterman commercial no problem but she won't do any promotion for this company.
Howard said no one gets $50 million to do nothing except for Oprah. Howard said he wants to hear the phone call that Oprah makes to Gayle King once a week. Howard said that they claim it's a private conversation they tape and he can imagine what that would be like. He said she couldn't do less work than she does there.
Howard did an impression of Oprah talking to Gayle on the phone about her weight and the time she spends with Stedman. Howard had her crying over her being fat but then laughing when Gayle reminds her that she's getting $50 million to do nothing. Howard had Gayle telling her that she's the smartest woman she knows making that deal there.
Howard spent a few minutes ripping on Oprah about the 50 million thing. Gary came in and interrupted that. Gary told Howard that they were listening to the Oprah channel and he might be right about this whole thing. Gary had some audio of the show for Howard to play. They had some audio of Maya Angelou doing her show on Oprah's channel.
Gary told Howard that from 5-7am they play a classic TV show clip. Then they play a current show and then they have the Best of Gayle King after that. Then they do a live Gayle King show after that. Howard said he wants to be on that show. Gary said they do another replay of the Oprah Winfrey TV show after that. Then from 12-1 they have Dr. Oz on and that may be a replay of his TV show. Then they replay Gayle King's show in the afternoon. From 4-5 they play another Oprah Winfrey show replay. They have a couple of other shows on and then more replays of Oprah's TV show.
Howard said Oprah never appears on the channel. He said that he doesn't feel successful until he gets a deal like that. He said if they don't give him a deal like that then he's going to be pissed. Gary said she has just the one channel too. Howard said he doesn't want to show up to work just like Oprah.
Robin asked where the Oprah phone call was to Gayle King. Howard said they may have cut that out because it was too hard. Howard ended up going off on Oprah again.
JD came in and said that he was pulling some audio where Oprah called Gayle's show. Howard said he loves Oprah and he's jealous of her. He said she's got great business acumen. He said he loves that. She knows how to wheel and deal.
Howard said he'd feel guilty taking $50 million and doing nothing. Robin said she would have loved to have heard that negotiation for Oprah. Howard did an impression of the XM people making that deal. He also did an impression of Mel negotiating that deal with him. He said that Mel would never let that happen. He said there's no way he's going to get an Oprah deal.
Howard said that they have guys showing up and doing shows there every day and they can't pay them anything. Meanwhile Oprah is doing nothing and getting that kind of money. Howard said that Gary left out something from the schedule. He said that from Midnight to 6am she's counting the money she's getting for doing nothing.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that they could get John Stamos to replace Ryan Seacrest. Howard said that would be a good choice. Howard said Stamos is probably standing around picking his ass now anyway. Robin said that she'd rather look at John over Ryan anyway. Howard said John is a hotter chick than Kara is too.
The caller asked if Ralph was going to keep dressing him for the show. Howard said he probably would. The caller said he saw Howard out one night and he had a chicken neck. Howard said that was the camera. He said he has a chicken neck because he eats a lot of chicken.
Howard said he never played the Sam Kinison bit. He said he would play it after the break but then thought that the moment had passed so he might not. Howard said he didn't get into any phone calls or anything like that and he had to take a brake. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and had Lisa G come in with her news preview. Lisa said she spoke to Vinnie Favale yesterday and Vinnie told her about the David Letterman and Jay Leno commercial that ran during the Super Bowl. That led to Howard talking about how Jay was talking about that commercial on his show last night. Howard said Jay's last show is this week and he's apparently going to play some of the best moments from the past few months he did that awful show.
Howard said Jay barely spoke about the commercial but he was talking about how he and Dave are good friends. Howard said Jay is a phony and he's just doing it so people think he's a good guy. Howard said the guy is psychotic.
Howard played the clip from Jay's show where he talked about how the whole commercial thing came about. Jay talked about Rob Burnett calling his people and asking if he was available to do the commercial.
Howard cut the clip off and talked about how great a guy Rob Burnett is. Howard got back to the clip where Jay talked about the Super Bowl commercial idea. Jay thought it was a great idea. He said that a good joke is a good joke and it makes it all go away when you do something like that. Jay said he got into a disguise to go over to Dave's show. Howard said Jay can't wait to suck Dave's dick. He said he's like the battered wife. Howard said that's funny he had to wear a disguise.
Howard played more of the audio and Jay was talking about how he showed up in a black SUV in his disguise and snuck into the theater while Dave was doing his show. Howard said that Dave knows how to be secretive. He had that secret fuck room over there at his show. Howard wondered if he did the sex therapy thing. Robin said she doesn't think he did but he must be in counseling or something.
Howard said poor Dave hates doing his show and now he can't even use his fuck room which was the one thing he loved. Howard said women love to rub that shit in your face so he can't imagine what Dave is dealing with. Howard said he can imagine her bringing it up in any conversation. He had Dave talking to his wife about the weather and she brings up how he fucked an intern.
Howard and Fred ended up doing their Kennedy impressions and had him arguing with his wife about cheating on her.
Howard got back to Jay and played more of the clip. He said that Jay is the bitch who traveled thousands of miles to be in his commercial. Howard said he hopes Jay brought his lube for his asshole. Howard said he probably doesn't even need lube for Dave. He probably naturally moistens back there. Howard did his impression of Jay telling Dave to give him a Spider-Man on his back.
Howard played more of the audio of Jay talking about how the past 18 years of animosity between him and Dave went away with that commercial. Howard said that Dave hasn't forgotten about what Jay did to him at NBC. He said that Jay thinks it's washed away but it really hasn't. He said he has to go on Dave's show and ask if it really went away.
Howard said Jay is a con-artist too. Robin asked who is a bigger one, Oprah or Jay. Howard said Oprah is the bigger con-artist.
Howard said Jay thinks that everything is all good now but it's not. He said that the audience is clapping like it's true. He played more of the clip and Jay claims that he and Dave were telling jokes and getting along just fine.
Jay said that NBC came to him and told him that they heard that David Letterman had shot some secret show about him. Jay said they thought that it was President Obama. Howard said that stuff is all horse shit and Jay is known for stealing stories from other people. He said he actually stole a story from someone else and put it in his book.
Howard said that Jay makes it sound like everything is just fine all of a sudden. Howard said ''yeah right.'' He said that's just perfect and beautiful. Howard did his impression of Jay talking about all of that and goofed on him for a short time. He was making Jay sound like he was gay for Dave. He said that Jay is a freak.
Howard said he'd like to hear Dave's angst in all of that. He said he'd like to hear real stories from these guys. He said if they want big ratings they have to open up and be honest.
Howard played some audio of Dave talking about how the commercial came about. Dave talked about the last commercial he did a few years ago. Dave said CBS wanted him to do something and Dave said he wanted to get Oprah back to do another commercial and this time they'd invite Jay Leno. Dave said people thought it was big time stuff. He said he wanted to thank the actors who played Oprah and Jay Leno because they did a great job.
Howard said if Dave wanted to be really funny he would have been in bed with an intern making out while they watched Jay Leno in the secret fuck room. Howard said that would have been funny.
Howard said he enjoyed the commercial and thought it was better than the Google one. He said it was very simple and effective. Howard said he still can't believe how much money the Doritos people make. He said he should be making chips like that and making a ton of money. He said he could call them Flebitos or Howditos. Howard said before you know it he'll have billions.
Howard said he's been reading about how soda can cause pancreatic cancer. He said he knew there was something wrong with soda. Robin said that these things are finally starting to come out and she's been talking about it for years.
Howard said he was approached to be in a Coca Cola commercial and the company didn't want him in it. Meanwhile they're killing America with their product.
Fred said that they have a smaller can of Coke out now that's for people who are on a diet. He said that the cost is more than it would be if it were a full sized can. Howard said he couldn't sleep at night if he was selling soda.
Howard said he has to invent some kind of chip that he can sell as ''Howard's Crappy Nachos'' or something. He said he'll even write on it that they'll kill you. Fred said he'd still sell millions.
Lisa got back to her news preview and said they spoke to Sour Shoes about his prank call to Captain Janks as Steve Langford. She said that he's asking to help out around the studios and he's willing to be Steve's gopher.
Howard said he'd like to have a soda out that has a list of hospital emergency rooms listed on the back.
Lisa said that Scott the Engineer is still trying to get his son's band going and he's registered the web site ''ScottsSonsBand.com.'' Howard let Lisa go after that.
Howard said the TV show he was talking about was called Sam Kinison Back From Hell and it was a TV show, not a movie. He said that it was from something called EPix. He said he had to take a break but they had Jason Ellis coming in. He said that Jason claims to be the next Howard Stern and they need someone like that there since he may be leaving to do American Idol. That led to Howard going off on Ellen Degerneres again. Howard said she says she wants to be nice but that's not what people are watching that show for. He said he's not sure he could work with her. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and sang along with the song a bit and talked to it like it was speaking to him and asking him questions. Howard said that was a good song. He cut it off and got back to the American Idol clips.
Howard said that a lot of people think he doesn't have the credentials to be on American Idol. Howard said that he has shown that Simon doesn't know that much about music either so he's not sure why everyone is worried about that. He said that Piers Morgan was a journalist but he had an opinion so he got that job on America's Got Talent. Howard said David Hasselhoff and Sharon Osbourne don't have any credibility either. Howard said he listened to Billy Squier's album on his Detroit station and he started to play it before it was a hit. He said he went on to be a huge hit. Howard said that Sugar Ray has a song on their album that he wrote.
Robin read a story about Howard possibly going to American Idol. Robin said they claim that he confirmed that he was in talks. Howard said he never confirmed that. Robin read that Howard would do the show for $100 million if they asked him to. Howard said of course he would.
Howard said that radio really doesn't get any respect. He said when he left radio it was like no big deal. Simon Cowell leaves the show and they're freaking out trying to find someone huge to replace him. Howard said when he left terrestrial radio they got David Lee Roth to replace him. No respect.
Howard had more news reports to play so he got to some of those. He played one where the news program was playing clips from Howard's show and giving their poll results about what their fans think about the possible change. The entertainment reporter had some details about the poll and then they read some email about it. The guy was reading their ''AH Nation'' email. Some people said they would never watch Idol again if Howard was hired.
Howard said that was Billy Bush checking in with his take on the whole thing. Howard said he's not sitting there desperate so he doesn't care if they hire him over there.
Howard played a Showbiz Tonight report about the Idol thing. They were saying that Howard had confirmed that he was in talks to take over the show. They talked about some of the ideas he had to change the show. They also had a poll and 80 percent of the votes said no to Howard taking over Idol. Howard said he'll take that 20 percent. They also read some email about Howard and one woman said that he was a low life and didn't want him on the show. Another guy thought he'd be a great replacement.
Howard said he likes all of his hoopla. He played another Showbiz Tonight report about the rumors. They were talking about how they were worried about taking Baba Booey calls over there. They played some voice mail they got from the fans and one woman said they need someone who is in the music business to take that job.
Howard said it's great that everyone has an opinion on this story. He said it shows they have interest. Howard played more of the voice mail they played on Showbiz Tonight. They had one woman saying that she would no longer enjoy watching the show. Howard interrupted and said that she'd still watch though. They had another woman saying that Howard would rock as a judge on that show. Howard said he likes that woman.
Howard said this Governor Patterson got in all kinds of stuff when he was younger. He said he sounds like the kind of guy who likes to party. Howard said the stories he's read about the guy basically say he's out getting dinner or getting pussy all the time. Howard said the guy carries on like a sighted guy.
Howard said the guy could probably get away with telling his wife that the other woman just said she was her and he couldn't see.
Howard took another call and told the guy he was going to play a game with him. He had $711 to give away. They had the Pete the Asian Virgin game to play. He said he had another game to play but it might not work as a contest. He said maybe they'll play that on their own. It was a JD game where they had his answer to a question and they had to guess what the question was.
Howard played one of the JD game answers where JD was describing something. Howard had no idea but Robin knew it was Stonehenge. Howard played a second one where JD said he didn't know the exact definition. Howard said it was the slowest moving game show ever. They guessed at what he was trying to describe and it was ''What is a mammal?''
Howard told the caller to forget that game and moved on to the Pete the Asian Virgin game. Pete was asked to repeat a celebrity name and they played Pete's response. They were just about unintelligible. The first one sounded like ''Unca Funca.'' The caller guessed it was Uncle Fester. Robin said it was Art Garfunkle. The actual name was Art Garfunkle.
The next one sounded like ''Pool Spaceian.'' The caller asked to hear it again. He had no idea what the guy was saying. He said it was tough for him to hear it. He guessed ''Grace Kelly.'' Howard said that was very wrong. It was actually Bruce Springsteen.
Howard played the next one and it was so bad it wasn't possible to even type. Maybe ''Weakatacious.'' Howard said it might be Reese's Pieces. Howard asked the caller if he had a guess. The guy had no idea. The caller said that maybe it was Princess Gracie. Howard said that's not even a real person. The caller said maybe it's Princess Leia. Howard locked him in with that. Robin said it was Enrique Iglasias. That's what it was.
Howard said he'd give the guy $711 even though he lost. The caller was hoping to get in there for a tour but Howard said he'd rather give him the money.
Howard played another one where it sounded like ''Eagle Bahousish.'' Fred said he had that one right away. Robin said it was Engelbert Humperdink. Howard said he's not getting any of these. Howard said he had to take a break after that because they have Jason Ellis coming in. Gary told Howard that Jason wants to have a contest against Sal where they see who can put the most M&M's in their uncircumcised cock pouches. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that was a great take on that song. He said he was all cranked up over that. Howard said he doesn't need this shit, he's an American Idol judge. Howard said he needs a cush job like that. Howard said he'll get to tell people they suck at singing. Howard told Gary to get the Foo Fighters on that show so he can make them win American Idol. He said they have to be that good to win.
Howard asked when that song came out. Fred wasn't sure. He said he thinks that Brian May of Queen is in that song too. Howard said that was a great version of the song.
Howard had the guys bring in Jason Ellis who has a show on Faction there at SIRIUS XM from 3-7pm during the week. Gary came in and pointed at where to sit but Jason wasn't behind him.
Jason came in and asked where his microphone was. He didn't realize it was on the headset. Howard said that Jason is hard core and he has ''fire'' and ''rain'' tattooed on his knuckles. Howard said that's hard core stuff. Jason said he did that for his brother that passed away. He said that James Taylor song reminds him of his brother.
Howard said James Taylor wrote that song in a mental institution. He asked if his brother was in one too. Jason said he wasn't but he actually fell off a steam roller and died instantly. He said he was only 24 years old and his father had died the year before that. Jason said his brother didn't get to live so he got the tattoos to remind him to live 5 lives now.
Howard said Jason does this Ellis Mania thing and he thinks that he got this from his father. His father would let the cops chase him in the car with him in the car. Jason said that was just one time. He said his father got a really fast car and they would get away and then wait for the cops to show up and then they'd take off again. Jason said he grew up riding motorbikes and they knew how to ride really well. He said they got advice from his father about how he would brake after the other guy would brake.
Jason said his father sold computers and he didn't know anything about them. He said his father drank too much and he was a man's man. He said he was kind of out of control and he'd beat people up if he was cut off in traffic and stuff.
Howard said he has ''Be Safe'' tattooed on his knuckles. Howard said Jason isn't afraid to fight and even being a professional skate boarder is dangerous. He said that he could break a lot of bones doing that. Jason said that they have Mega ramps now and you can die doing those things. Jason said that it became his whole life and if he breaks a leg it's worth it. Jason said he's terrified of everything but he's addicted to being scared. That's why he'll try anything.
Howard asked Jason if his father went to jail for out running the cops. Jason said that he didn't. He said that his father parked the car after that chase and left it in someone else's driveway and went to a strip club. He came back the next morning and they gave him his keys so he could drive it home. Jason said that things are different down in Australia. Howard said when you grow up like that he can see why he'd become an adrenaline junkie.
Howard gave Jason some plugs for his Ellis Mania show. Jason is going to go into the ring and box. Jason said he doesn't do drunks so he needs someone to punch him in the head. He said his wife doesn't get mad at him for getting the tingle in his head from this.
Howard said Jason is going to fight a guy in a wheelchair this time. Jason said the guy is a tough guy and they'll both be in wheel chairs. He said that the other guy is a really strong guy and a maniac. Howard said he thinks that they could knock each other out. Jason said it's not that easy. He said it's going to be tough to knock anyone out. Jason said the other guy is in a chair but he can't walk. Jason said he's going to do 3 rounds and they're 1 minute rounds. He said they were going to do it on a bar stool but that wasn't going to work. He said he tested it out with some fans. they had some people duct taped to the stools and he punched the shit out of them.
Jason talked about how he's been knocked out skate boarding and riding motocross. He said he once hit his head so hard he pissed his pants when he knocked himself out. He said he had a nurse cleaning his balls one time. He said that it's not cheating if you knock yourself out and piss yourself. He said the doctor told him he could die if he gets knocked out again. He thinks that he's healed now though so he should be okay.
Howard said Jason is charming but this behavior scares him. He said he seems almost suicidal. He said he'd be afraid to be around him because he fears that he'd just start punching people. Jason said a lot of people think that but he's really not like that. He said he's actually afraid to do anything like that. That keeps him out of trouble.
Howard asked Jason if he's ever been medicated. He said he has been on anxiety pills. He said he hasn't taken anything for mental stuff. He said he has started having panic attacks though so he has to take pills for that. He said he fears that he's going to die of a heart attack like his father did. He said he has an irregular heart beat too.
Howard asked if he's seeing a psychiatrist. Jason said he is. He said he feels like he has problems now. Howard said it sounds like he does. Jason said he's got a very addictive personality and he abused drugs, alcohol and women. Howard asked what he did to women. He said he just fucked everyone. He said he didn't actually abuse them.
Jason said he even fucked Chyna the wrestler. He said that was like fucking a man. Jason said he couldn't believe that he did that. He realized that he'd fuck anyone after that. Jason said that he might be a sex addict but now he fights and skates and rides motocross to keep from doing that.
Howard asked Jason if he saw Chyna's labia. Jason said he didn't even see it. He said it felt good inside. He said that he didn't want to get into it too much because his wife is listening. He said he just wanted to move on. Fred did his Herman Munster impression for Chyna and talked about Jason fucking her.
Howard asked Jason if he did a Spider-Man on her. Jason said he doesn't throw his load on anyone. Howard said he just learned about that yesterday. Fred, as Chyna, said that she had thrown her load on a few women. Howard said that voice must be freaky when you're banging someone. Jason said he feels sorry for her.
Howard asked Jason about skate boarding and what kind of money he was making. He said he was getting $600 a month and he was living large. He said he was loving life doing that. Jason said he moved to America at 17 and slept in ramps and in kid's playgrounds. Howard said that's like being homeless. Jason said he had a home in Australia. He said he never thought about it as being homeless though.
Howard asked Jason if he was the top skater in the world at the time. Jason said he was in the top 3 for a few years. He said he's still in the game but he's not at that level anymore. He said he still has sponsors and makes boards.
Howard asked Jason what he was known for. Jason said he broke a record for the furthest jump that stood for a few years. He said someone broke the record since then though. Howard said it sounds like he's some athlete.
Howard asked Jason if he did it for the money. Jason said he didn't do it for the money in the beginning. He said now it's all about the money.
Howard asked Jason how he got the job. He said he knew Tony Hawk who did a show there and Will Pendarvis asked him to do a show there. Howard said he knows Will. He used to work at K-Rock.
Howard said that Jason is going to be doing this event where he's going to wear dog shock collars on his neck and the audience is going to be controlling them. Howard said he's heard they really hurt. He said the people are going to shock the shit out of him. Ellis got in some plugs for his web site EllisMania.com where you can find out more about this event.
Jason talked about some of the other things they're going to do at the event. All of this stuff is about fighting. Howard read that Jason's band Taintstick is going to be playing at the event too. Jason said that Andy Bell fought him last time and he won against Andy. He said he shook and shivered for a while after that fight and then went out and played with his band. He does what he has to do.
Howard asked Jason how the radio show is going. Jason said that it's going good. He said he likes doing that and this is his world. He said he doesn't party, he's there to be the most entertaining radio guy on the planet. Howard said that it is a real job. Jason said it's tougher than being a skate boarder.
Howard said that Jason has challenged Sal to this M&M's thing where they shove stuff in their uncircumcised cock pouches. Jason said that he is a competitor and he will make a new hole in his dick to win this contest. He said he was putting stuff in his foreskin last night testing it out. Howard said Jason wanted to make the loser eat the M&M's but Sal wasn't willing to do that. Jason said that it would be radio history if he ate them and threw up on the air.
Sal came into the studio completely naked. He had his cock dressed up like Groucho Marx and called it ''Poucho Marx.'' Howard said he had glasses and eyebrows on it. Jason told him his cock was ugly and he's already won even if he doesn't win the contest.
Howard said they had M&M's there and they were plain, not peanut. Howard asked Jason how many he put in there last night. Jason said he had like 30 in there. Sal said he could fit all of Haiti in his. Jason said that Sal's cock is really ugly and not all of them look like that. He said that Sal's looked like it was chewed up and cooked on a barbecue. Jason asked Sal what the hell was going on with that. He said it looked like a murdering machine.
Howard figured Jason did this all the time but Jason said he never does. He said that he's kind of uptight about it. He said that it's radio gold to stick M&M's in his dick though so he's okay with that. Howard told Robin to check out his penis. Robin said she wasn't looking. Jason begged her to look because he never gets to show it to anyone. Robin looked and said it was a good looking piece.
Sal was stretching out his cock in preparation for the contest. Jason didn't know that was the deal. He said he didn't know he had to prep like that. Sal was asking Jason Kaplan to come in and drop them into his pouch. Howard said that he didn't think that they were going to have someone drop them in there.
Jason said everyone had better listen to his radio show and go on his web site. He couldn't believe he was doing this. Howard gave him some plugs for his radio show and his web site EllisMania.com.
Will came in to drop the M&M's in Jason's cock (but Richard took over). Jason couldn't believe he was doing this. Howard wanted them to do it at the same time so they could count together. Jason was yelling at Will to just put them in there. Howard had to stop them because they weren't counting out loud. They were up to 6 around that time.
Sal was shaking so Jason asked what was up with that. Sal said he always shakes. Richard said Sal was getting full and he was only up to 7. Richard kept going and got up to 9. Howard said Jason had a big pouch and he might take it. Richard said Sal was full around 10. Howard told them to go up to 13 on Jason. They got up to 13 on Sal first. Then they went to Jason and shoved a few more in to get to 13.
Richard said that Jason's was like a canyon compared to Sal's. Sal got up to 16 and they were starting to fall out. Jason got up to 17 and he still had room. They got Sal up to 21 somehow. He lost one so he was down to 20 and then back up to 21. Jason was laughing that Sal looked like he was in pain. Jason was at 17 and Richard put in more and got him up to 22. Sal told him to go to 23 on him. Sal had 23 in there but he was shaking and dropping one here and there. They got him up to 25 and Sal told Jason to lick his balls.
Jason had room in his pouch so Richard put in some more and got him up to 32. Sal was out of room but he was trying to find more room. Jason said he couldn't believe he was actually happy about this. Sal was up to 27 and told Richard to keep going. Sal was done around 27 because they were dropping out. Jason won the contest.
Gary said Teddy was willing to eat the M&M's for money. He wanted 5 grand to do it though. Jason kept going and Richard managed to get 40 in there. Jason said that there was a tingle in the knob so it might be time to get them out of there. Richard wanted to go up to 50 to break the world record. Jason let him keep going. They got in a total of 50 in there. Jason threw in a plug for his web site after that. Jason then shot out all of the M&M's from his cock. Howard said that was nuts. He said that Jason remains undefeated. Jason said that's the way it always is with him.
Jason told Howard about this thing he had to do as a kid when he was in Australia. He said that his mother sent him to this camp and they got him naked at the camp and they had old people there that were trying to get him to do stuff. He said he had to go in a pool naked with other dudes and girls. He said that he had to partner up with someone and he ended up with a 75 year old man. He said that he had to cradle the guy in the water like a baby. They both had to take turns doing that. Jason said that he did that and he was bothered by the old guy's cock touching him on the back. He said this one lady came up to him and this old lady made a pass at him and boned him on the street. He said the guy who ran the place found out about it and confronted him. Jason said he threatened to hit the guy on the face with a clock and it made the guy rethink everything.
Howard said Jason is a good guy and he gave him some plugs for his radio show and web site. He wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that MTV is showing how cheap they are. He said he was reading an article about the cast of Jersey Shore and how MTV is going to stop the cast from making appearances. He said that they shouldn't care about them going out and making appearances. Gary said one guy was offered $25,000 to walk a bride down the aisle. Howard said the guy should do it.
Howard said he would walk a bride down the aisle for 25 grand. Robin said that he could get a lot more than that. Howard said 25,000 sounds like good money to him. Gary said they pay some rappers like $200,000 to go to Bar Mitzvah's to do just about nothing.
Howard had Steve Langford come in with his news preview. Steve said that Captain Janks pleaded guilty to his charges yesterday in court. He said he is now on probation for 3 years. Steve said he was handed a grand jury subpoena to appear in court for some future court date. Howard told Steve to refuse to testify and they'll make a huge deal out of it.
Howard had Janks on the phone and said it's good that he's on probation. Howard asked why Steve is being subpoenaed to appear in something else. Janks said he didn't know what that was about. Howard said it sounds like things are over as long as Janks pays everyone back. Janks said he has up to 8 years on probation.
Howard asked Steve when he's supposed to testify. Steve said he really doesn't know. He said they don't know much about that yet.
Janks said that it wasn't Sour Shoes who called him the other day either. He said that he went to court yesterday and plead out and he has to pay back the people who were involved in those cases. Janks said that he has to pay people back in 3 years and he's off of probation in that time.
Howard asked Janks what's going on with this subpoena thing. Janks said that there are other people thinking about the Howard Stern Show too so maybe it has something to do with that. Janks said he really has no idea. Janks said he was not shown anything else other than what went down yesterday. Janks said he's been sober for a year now and he hasn't done anything else.
Howard asked Steve if he had any news about Janks that they haven't heard. Steve said they don't have anything they have proof of.
Janks asked Steve if he's going to lay off of him now. Steve said he will as long as he's not in the news. Janks said he doesn't mind him reporting the news but when he takes personal digs at him, that irks him. Janks said he doesn't want to be sidetracked and have to mention Steve's name in his prank calls. Janks said he will have a benefit show for himself and he will have a dunking booth and people can throw pies at him and stuff like that. Robin said she might be up for that.
Steve said they have a story about Steve Grillo's wife settling with the city over an exploding man hole cover that almost killed her. Steve said they have a story about Medicated Pete who has a business card and a manager now. Steve also mentioned Jackie's Joke Hunt show that's on tonight and they're doing a Fred and Robin special show tonight at 7 on Howard 101. He also got in a plug for Riley Martin's midnight show. Howard wondered where else Jackie is doing his show at now that he's given him permission to do it anywhere.
A caller said that Jason Ellis has the best radio show on SIRIUS XM. He said that Howard makes his mornings worth getting up for and Jason makes his afternoons worth it. The caller said that Jason is the best show and he'd have to pick his show over Howard's if he had to choose between the two.
Another caller said that there's no way Ellis could replace Howard. He said his show is unlistenable. Howard said he's heard positive things about Jason and he likes him on the show. The caller said that he's never been entertaining when he's heard his show.
Howard took another call from a woman who said she's been a fan since she was 16. She said that she loves Howard TV too. Howard said they have that Sal and Jason Ellis thing coming up on Howard TV soon. He said he loved that pouch off.
Speech Impediment Man called in and asked Howard if he still had that ABC deal to do the interviews. Howard said he just never did it. He said he gets offered deals and he just doesn't have the time to do it. He said that's why he gave up his production company. He said that if he does American Idol he'll concentrate on that. Howard said today was the greatest day ever. They created Poucho Marx.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran down the subjects they were going to be covering today on the show. They talked about Sal's shaking a bit and Howard said it appears he has a real problem there. Howard and the guys also talked about the American Idol judging thing. Howard said he guarantees he's a nicer person than Ellen is.
Robin brought out a picture from the paper of the whole cast of American Idol. Howard said he would never do that. He said that Ellen looks like a man in that shot. He said Kara has a nice body. He said he thinks that everyone in that picture would leave if they hired him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Jillian Barberie would be a good replacement for Ryan Seacrest on Idol if he takes over. Howard said he'd make that call to FOX about that. Fred said she looks good but she won't shut up. Howard said he'd rather look at her than Ryan Seacrest.
Robin started her news with a story about how Charlie Sheen's wife has dropped charges against him. Howard said that's a great idea when you have a crazy man in your house. Howard said Charlie Sheen is a wealthy, successful actor and he'll do anything. He said that's a wild guy. Howard said it's weird that celebrities will applaud him even after all of this. Howard said he'd get out of the room if he showed up. He said people in Hollywood are off their rockers. He said he can't live in Los Angeles... but he would do it if he had to do American Idol.
Howard read that Gary was back in the Howard TV studio eating the unused M&M's. Fred asked how he knew they were unused. Scott DePace said he was still back there and wouldn't leave.
Robin read a story about how these e-cigarettes that Sal uses aren't giving people the nicotine that they claim they are. Robin said that the FDA has talked about banning them from being imported into the country. Robin said Sal has been puffing on those things like crazy and he's not getting nicotine. Maybe he can stop now.
Robin said there are people who try to get in and out of the country by stowing away in the wheel wells of airplanes. They found a man frozen to death in the landing gear compartment when they landed in Japan. Howard said that's sad. Robin said it gets down to -58 degrees up there and that's why these people die.
Mariann from Brooklyn told Howard there is no passing of the torch if he leaves radio. She said that man (Jason Ellis) might be good but there is no passing of the torch. Another caller said that he can't take his throne. Howard said there is no torch to pass along and there is no throne to sit on. He won't be doing anything like that.
The caller asked Howard if there's any news about Benjy and his whore girlfriend. Howard said she's not a whore. Howard said there are some things he knows about Benjy and his girlfriend and he wonders if he wants to talk about it on the air. Benjy said that they're dating and that's it. Howard said that Benjy was saying that she has to start making money again. Benjy said they said that on the air. She may have to go back to stripping again. Howard said he told him that she should strip. Benjy said she thinks he has a problem with that but he really doesn't. Benjy said that she has a problem dating someone and doing that job though. Howard said it sounds like things are over then. Benjy said it's not. Howard quickly moved on after that.
Robin had a story in her news that was from Christmas time. It was about Rush Limbaugh being rushed to a hospital with possible heart problems.
Robin read a story about how older women have a higher risk of having an autistic child. Howard said that it's almost abnormal to have a normal kid] these days. It seems like everyone has autistic kids. Robin read a story about a 49 year old woman who killed her 8 year old autistic child. Howard said that's because these women are too old to be raising an autistic child. He said that these women are taking drugs to get them pregnant and you can't mess with nature like that.
That led to them talking about Aspergers too and Howard said he thinks that Fred has that. Fred said they claim that Einstein and Thomas Jefferson may have had that too. They figured that JD had it too. Robin read about what the symptoms of that are and JD fit almost every description. Howard said JD doesn't get it when he's kidding around with him. JD came in and said he does get it. They goofed around with JD for a few minutes on that and threatened to tell Ashley Dupre that he has Aspergers. They had to take a break a short time later.
After the break, around 10:35am, we heard a Jerky Boys prank call. Fred also played James Taylor's live ''Fire and Rain'' performance on the show as they were coming back.
Howard came back and said that Howard TV has a Miss Howard TV voting thing going on. You can find out more at Heavy.com. Mike Gange said there are two people who have a lot of votes and they're like neck and neck with that. Howard asked when they're going to have the Jason and Sal thing up on Howard TV. Mike said they'll have that up tomorrow night. Gange said that Scott DePace was freaking out back there while that was going on. Howard said Scott shouldn't worry about thinking he's gay just because he saw a cock. Scott said it was disgusting.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about Gary Coleman being back in court. She read about him his domestic violence charges. Howard said he's an odd looking guy. He said he's like a man boy now. Robin said he's been given a suspended sentence.
Robin read that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are suing over reports that they've broken up. Howard wondered why they would care. Robin said they do and they're taking people to court over it.
Robin read a story about Tiger Woods returning to golf next month. Howard said it's about time. Robin said that he's going to see how things are out on the golf course.
Robin read about Steve Phillips getting out of sex rehab. He's out talking about being a new man now that he's out of rehab in Mississippi. Howard said they must have the best doctors in Mississippi. He did a Southern voice and created the conversation someone might have with a doctor down there.
Robin had a story about a man who water boarded his 4 year old daughter because she couldn't do her ABCs. Howard said that his father was tough on him but he's glad he didn't get water boarded. Robin said this guy just got custody of the kid a couple of months ago. The kid was living with the mother's parents. Robin said that no one had taught the child her ABCs so the guy stuck her head in water which she was deathly afraid of.
Robin read a story about soda and how it can possibly cause pancreatic cancer. Robin said that you run a higher risk of getting that cancer if you drink soda on a regular basis. Robin said it's just two times a week according to this study. Robin said that they say that if you treat yourself poorly then you could get pancreatic cancer. Howard said he thinks that soda is the devil. He said he bets that if they put it in Sal's pouch it would melt it away.
Robin said that the twice a week thing might be a misprint. She said another article said twice a day. Howard said he used to tell Artie to cut back on the soda. He said he was as huge as a whale and he drank a ton of soda a day.
Robin brought up a commercial that ran during the Super Bowl that had Tim Tebow and his mom in it. The ad was supposed to be an anti-abortion commercial but it ended up being Tebow's mom saying he was a miracle baby. Robin said that the mother claims that she was told to abort the baby due to health problems but it turned out well for her. Howard said that's a bunch of crap and they should be showing the lives of women who didn't get abortions and can't afford to have kids and now they're crack addicted. Howard ended up joking about that and introducing people to his baby ''nine headed blob'' and showing people how it wasn't his miracle baby, it was his pineapple baby. Robin had some other Super Bowl news and had some audio clips for Howard to play.
Robin read about Michael Jackson's doctor being in court and how it's been so long since his death that it's going to be a tough fight.
Robin read some news about Toyota's recall of some vehicles for brake problems. They're recalling some hybrid cars. She had some audio of a Toyota spokesman talking about how they're going to get back to quality to regain confidence of their customers. Robin said they have major P.R. problems right now.
Robin wrapped up her news after 77 year old John Murtha died after some complications in a gallbladder surgery. They spent a couple of minutes talking about Murtha before ending the show around 11:10am.
Gary asked what drugs he abused the most. Jason said it was cocaine. He said he did crack a couple of times but only did it because coke had blown his nose out. He said another time he did it was when a hooker got it and they smoked it off a light bulb. Jason said she took the bulb out and got the end off and cleaned the shit out of it and then she put the crack in it and heated it up in there and smoked it out of the bulb. Jason said he had a flaccid penis for like 10 hours after that.
Jason said that he didn't go to rehab or anything. He said that he won't even do coke or anything anymore. He said he stays away from that stuff. He said he rarely smokes marijuana but it's not that much. He said it's just a little bit.
Jon asked Jason what he thought of Sal's penis since he called it offensive. Jason said it was offensive and looked like a cooked maggot. He said it was dark and black, not that there's anything wrong with a black dick as long as it's attached to a black man. He said he looked like he had frostbite dick.
Gary said they have that guy Eddie the Produce guy who has a dick like that. They talked about that and how offensive Jason found Sal's dick.
Jon said that the pouch thing has to be one of the grossest things he's seen. Jason said that it's not the grossest but he was freaked out that it's going to be on Howard TV. Jason said that Richard had too much eye contact with him today. He said he was just inches from his face while he had his finger in his cock.
Gary said Jason got up and said ''Fuck! This is going to be on camera?'' Jason said he knew it was going to be on camera but he was thinking that no one was going to look at his dick since Sal's is such a mess.
Jason said he think that Robin likes that kind of stuff and that it's dangerous. He said that he think that she'd be into him if she was truthful. Jason said she just says she's offended so people don't thinks she's into guys like him. Jason said that he and Robin had a moment at one point when she was looking at his cock during that pouch thing.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Gary if he thinks that Jason could fill Howard's shoes. He said he's really not the funniest character. Gary said he loves the idea that Jason feels he can and that's part of doing it. Jason said that he could never fill Howard's shoes, he just wants to be the most entertaining talk show on satellite radio when Howard leaves. Jason said he guarantees that he's better than anyone else. He said Bubba is good but he thinks he's got a better show than Bubba does.
Richard came in so Jon pointed out the creepy guy who just came in. Jason said he's not the only creepy guy in there. He said that Benjy had creepy written on his forehead.
Richard talked about how he doesn't care about doing the penis thing because it's great radio. He said he just rises to the occasion. Jason said he felt gay when Will wanted to do the M&M's thing. He said Richard doing it didn't seem so gay for some reason.
Richard talked about how any penis is like any other penis and it's not a big deal to him to just touch the outside. He said he has touched Sal's and now Jason's. He said he's never done anyone else's.
Jon talked about Sal's shakes and how weird that was. Richard said that Sal is really bummed out about the whole thing. Jon said this is the first time someone has smacked Sal down. Jason said Sal was very cocky in the green room and he was talking shit about being the king of all pouches out there. He said that he saw the fear in Sal when he told him he put 30 in there last night for practice.
Jason said he figured Sal's penis was too small but he wasn't sure if he had a giant pouch on there. He said it looked like burnt, melted shit on the end of his dick.
Gary said that Sal does that Superman pose when he's naked and there isn't that much there to be proud of. Richard said he's proud to make Howard happy.
Jon asked Richard how Sal is doing back there. Richard said he is bummed out but he'll be okay. Benjy said that he's very upset from what he could tell. He said that he's probably worried about how to tell his kids about his loss.
The guys talked about how Sal had his penis dressed up like ''Poucho Marx.'' Gary said he had glasses on his penis and a cigar taped to the side of his thigh. Jason said he thought that was a dingleberry. He didn't even know it was a cigar.
Jon said that he was told yesterday 3 times during the ride home that he was going to be Poucho Marx. He was very proud of that. Richard explained that Sal came up with that after going to take a shit.
A caller asked Jason about his feud with Bubba. Jason said he loves that they talk shit about his show and that they say ''Ned Dragons'' instead of ''Red Dragons.'' Jason said that Bubba has a big show on Howard's channel and he's got a tough time battling that on Faction which is a music channel. He said he'd like to work there with Howard's channels and the people there because that's where people are listening. He said he respects Bubba but he also wants his balls on a platter in a radio, kind of nice way.
Jason talked about Benjy and how creepy he is. He said that Shuli is in there too and he's creepy but Benjy is really creepy. He said that Shuli is such a weed head too.
Shuli said he smoked with Jason a few months ago and Jason ran out of the show because he was so freaked out. Jason said that he's not a weed head, he's the king of all pouches.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if it's gay to want to see Howard TV to see the pouch thing. Jason said it would be gay if he wanted to see him fuck Richard in the ass... although that might be funny if Richard was involved.
Jason said that Richard told him to go into the studio hard. He said that's kind of gay to suggest that to him. Jason told Richard that it was really creepy to tell him to do that. He did an impression of Richard telling him how to really freak Howard out by doing that stuff.
Gary said that they have to deal with Richard doing that kind of stuff all the time. It's always something really gay that he wants to do. He always brings the meetings to a grinding halt when he brings that stuff up.
Jason said that the whole gay thing is Richard's job. He was doing a funny impression of Richard talking about that stuff. Richard said that he thinks that a flopping cock is funnier than flopping tits. Jason said that was a very gay statement but he's right.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if anyone there is talking about Jason taking over for Howard if Howard does leave. Gary said there is one person talking about it, and that's Jason. The caller said he thinks that Jason is close to having a really good show and he's just a crew away from that. Gary said that if Howard goes anywhere else then he might take them with him.
Jason said he has been the best at something and he wants to do the same with his radio show. He said he was the third best in the world skate boarding and he was drunk at the time. He said he wants to do the same with his radio show and he's going to go for it.
Jason said he was inspired by Howard to get into radio. He said he doesn't have that much to work with and he's doing the best he can. Gary said that it took 30 years to get the staff they have now. They had to go to break after that.
Jon said the press is all over it too so there must be some truth to the rumor. Gary said that no one is saying anything about it though and it's interesting how that works. He said FOX isn't commenting and Howard isn't commenting about the rumors.
Gary and Jon also talked about the story Howard told about Beth's apartment and how it was a dump. Benjy said he bets it was a pretty decent apartment. He said he actually knows the person who took that apartment. It's a friend of a friend.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Oprah is probably doing what her contract says she has to do and Howard never goes above and beyond his contract. Gary said that Howard is doing a hundred times the work Oprah is doing for her show. The caller said Howard is just counting her money. Gary said that he's not just counting her money. He said that Howard is like the only one going out and promoting the service and Oprah never does that.
Another caller asked if they have ever had any problems with their radio cutting in and out like his does. He said his radio is garbage. He also said he agrees with Eric the Midget about the Idol thing. He doesn't think that Howard should do it and he won't. He said he guarantees that Howard won't do it.
Gary said that's what they said about Howard leaving terrestrial radio. The caller said that he also claimed that he was going to run for governor and he quit that.
Benjy asked what the down side was for Howard if he went to American Idol. The caller said that Howard hates Ellen so he'd be ripping her to shreds. Gary told the guy to think of the person he hates the most in the world and then told him that he'd be paid $100 million to work with that person. Would he be able to do it? The caller said he could do that no problem.
Another caller said he heard Jason on Bubba's show and Jason seemed very angry on the show. He said he knows that Howard was like that but he had a purpose an a reason and Jason doesn't seem to have that. He said that Jason isn't the best on SIRIUS either and he's not the second, third or even fourth best.
Gary said that Jason does come off angry but he's looking for his voice and honing who he is. he's working it and he'd be the first to tell him that.
Another caller asked why Howard has to bash Coke. Gary said that they have gone out of their way to bash the show and never advertise because they think they're dirt. The caller said that he doesn't bash the show so why does Howard have to do that? Benjy said Howard believes their product hurts people and he gives his opinion. Gary asked if he thinks that Howard is really hurting the company. The caller said that he doesn't but he doesn't go around bashing Howard. Gary said that Howard can't stop from bashing a company just because a fan works for them.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that he thinks that Jason has talent but he's a little raw right now. He said that he's going to be big one day.
The caller also said that they should consider doing the pouch thing but have the loser's pouch have to swallow the other pouch. Richard said the technical term for that is ''docking.'' Jon gave that caller a prize of some free cupcakes from Crumbs Bake Shop.
Jon asked Richard how he knew the term ''docking.'' Richard said a friend told him about that. He said there are some other terms that he likes. He likes ''Rusty Trombone.'' He said he actually has that nickname for himself.
Jon asked Richard if he's upset that the Swap Shop guys found out who they were and that they're doing it for Howard's show. Richard said they like that they found out. They kind of build up a library with different shows over the weeks and then give them to Howard so the shows don't find out about it ahead of time. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about how confused he gets with the email. He said he walked out of there thinking he did a good show and then he got the email from Fred and got confused. Fred said he gets confused when he's compiling the email. He said people either love or hate Howard and there is no in between.
Howard read some of the email about the American Idol rant and the person liked that. Then there was an email from someone who said that they were depressed hearing that the show might end. Howard said these were actually very nice. He said he wasn't done yet.
Howard read some more email where the person was saying that if he goes to Idol he'd be a sell out and it's like a Jay Leno move. Howard said he knows it's a sell out. He said that he'd only be going there for the money. He said that 99 percent of the kids on Idol are never going to be stars.
Howard said he watched Idol last night and Ellen was on. He said that he noticed that they had very little participation from Simon. They were probably highlighting Ellen and the show falls apart when that happens. He said she probably made 5 million lame jokes that they edited out. He said she's doing something odd with her appearance. He said that her eyes look berserk. He said she must wear contacts and her eyes are bugging out of her heard. He said it's almost like she's cross eyed. He said her eye color is odd and she almost looks like Andy Kaufman. He said he always had an odd look on his face and Ellen looked like that.
Howard said maybe it was for a look she was going for but he's not sure. He said it was odd and he thinks they edited her to make her look her best with her ''comedy'' if you want to call it that. He said she wasn't awful or terrible though.
Howard said he thinks it may change when the show goes live. He said she was obviously trying to take over the Simon role and it wasn't coming off that well. He said she's trying to take that leadership role and it aggravated him.
Howard read some more email about yesterday's show and some people were happy to hear the news about Idol. He said that when someone mentions you as a replacement you assume that a deal can be made. He said he's only going to do it if they come up with a lot of money. He said he's very pleased with what he's doing now and he's not going to go there for a little bit of money.
Howard read more email where people were complaining about the Idol stuff. Howard said that they were discussing him on The View yesterday and when he reads this email he doesn't want to keep going with that stuff. He said he really doesn't give a shit about American Idol but he thinks it would be a fun gig. Howard said people think that he's creating this hoopla just so he can negotiate a deal with SIRIUS. Howard said he's not feeding into this any more than to just have fun with it. He's just having a good time with the rumor.
Howard said if people think that he's using this as a negotiating tool, you're out of your mind. Howard said that he's not sure he wants that job or this job. Howard said he wanted a snow day today because of the big snow storm they have there in New York.
Howard said he doesn't really need to sit there and threaten them with American Idol. Howard said Mel knows he has offers and he knows that Clear Channel and CBS could use him. It's all out on the table already. There is no negotiating going on. He said he doesn't need American Idol to negotiate a deal. He said he's not sure he even wants it.
Howard said the idea that this is self promotion is wrong. He said he's done it all already. Howard said he couldn't orchestrate this if he wanted to. He said he doesn't have a P.R. guy anymore. He said he doesn't really care. Howard said he's in a position he doesn't have to do anything like that.
Howard said Whoopi kept her mouth shut and didn't say anything. He said that she's written letters to them over the years and she's said she's a fan of the show. Howard said that Whoopi asked the audience for a vote and all of the women in the audience didn't want him as a judge on the show. Howard said it was like 3 dudes that did want him. He said that Sherri Sheppard was one who stood up and said she didn't want him as a guest.
Gary told Howard that Sherri was involved in a divorce and her husband called in trying to get on the air. Howard said he didn't think it was right at the time. He said maybe today is a good day for that but then he had second thoughts on that.
Howard said he was dressed warm again today and he was sweating in the studio. He said he had to strip down because he was so uncomfortable. Howard said they work indoors and he forgets that when he comes in.
Howard and Robin talked more about Sherri Sheppard and how she doesn't believe in evolution. Howard sarcastically asked how that is when there are bones in the ground that pretty much prove it.
Howard said he had more email to read but he'd save that for later. Howard said Jackie is coming in today and he has some stuff to talk about with him when he gets there. He said he's going to be very honest with him when he comes in. He's going to be in there to promote some sad, pathetic project that no one will ever see. Fred said his birthday is coming up soon too.
Howard read that Jackie is going to be in the season finale of the show ''Leverage'' on TNT. Howard said he's going to be playing Jackie because that's the only character he can play.
Howard said The View thing went on for 4 minutes. He was going to play the clip and said he'd point out who was talking over who in the clip. He said that Joy Behar is a fan and she was cheer leading for him. He said the whole thing on the show was about his musical background. He said that he's done a lot of stuff with music over the years and he's just as qualified as anyone else. He said he was one of the people in the midwest that helped introduce Billy Squire on the radio. He said the women on The View don't have any credibility to give their views on this stuff.
Howard said that Elisabeth is a reality show contestant. He said he's not sure what Sherri Sheppard is. He said she's not funny so how can she be a comedian? Howard said that Brooke Shields has had a career. He said Joy has a career and so does Whoopi but how did they get on to be a commentator? He said they haven't done anything to qualify them.
Howard played the clip where Whoopi brought up the story about him being considered as a judge on Idol. Sherri went nuts saying ''What!?'' like she didn't know the story. Howard said they all know what they're going to be discussing on the show before hand. He said that she knew. Howard said they go over everything before the show and Beth knows that because she's been on that show.
Howard played more of the audio of The View and Elisabeth got in on the conversation and said that Howard is this shock jock known for giving candid opinions about a lot of things. She said that Howard gives a variety of opinions but people might be asking what his background is. She said that they may be worried about the content of the show if he was on it. Sherri was in the background talking over her and saying that Howard is used to being fined. Howard said she was fired up immediately.
Howard played more of the audio and the girls were talking about his background and why they think he's not qualified for the job. Howard said that they're not qualified for their jobs either. He said it's worked out just fine for them though.
Howard said he's not even campaigning for a job on that show. Howard played more of the audio where Sherri was talking about how no one ever hears about Howard Stern known that he's on satellite radio. Howard said that he'd like to challenge Sherri to a test. He said he knows the size of their audience and he knows that they have more of an audience listening to his show than they do on The View. Howard said he'd like to walk down the street with Sherri Sheppard and see who has more people recognize them. He said that more people would come up to him than they would up to her. He said there would probably be 2 people that would recognize her.
Howard said that he's so popular that they hired him to drag people over to a new medium. Howard said that's why he moved to satellite.
Howard played more audio and Brooke Shields was trying to defend him on the show but they all talk over one another. Howard said Brooke had trouble getting her words out. She was saying that he could do the job because he has been in the radio business. Howard said she never got to finish her thoughts because the other women were talking over her.
Robin said Brooke was trying to say that Howard could chime in on other things other than the music aspect. Howard said that's right and he has other things he could add to the show.
Howard played more of the audio and listened to Sherri going off on him. Howard said that if she knew anything she would know that Ed Sullivan was a newspaper guy and he introduced the country to new talent on his show. Howard said she doesn't know what she's talking about. Robin asked why he's arguing with this woman. Howard said he has 5 hours to fill. He said he doesn't really care.
Howard played more of the clip and listened to Whoopi asking for the vote from the audience. They had a few people stand up in favor of Howard going to Idol. Sherri was pointing out that it was only like 4 people. The rest of the audience stood up to vote ''no.'' Sherri got up then too.
Howard said he can see why Sherri's husband left her. He said you have to look good with a mouth like that. Robin said there are people who cheated on Christie Brinkley. Howard said that Sherri is no picnic and he gets why someone would leave her.
Howard said he had no problem with anything anyone else said on that show other than Sherri. Howard said everyone is entitled to their opinion though.
Howard said JD just gave him a clip of Regis commenting on the Idol thing. Howard said he knows that Regis likes to comment all day long. He played that clip from TMZ and Regis was saying that Howard would be great. The guys on TMZ were saying that the show would be great with Howard as a judge.
Howard said maybe he'd have Regis on the show with him. He said that he'd have all of the women from The View on other than Sherri too. Howard said he wouldn't even let her vote by phone. He said she could eat in the green room though. Howard said she can come to his show called ''Medieval View'' since she doesn't believe the Earth is round or that there is such thing as evolution.
Howard said they can do all kinds of things on Medieval View where they drown witches and stuff. Howard said that they could do all kinds of things with that show. Howard imagined what it would be like if Sherri was hosting that show with him. He did an impression of her talking about drowning a witch to prove that she's a witch. Howard said he'd ask her what kind of credibility she has to judge if someone is a witch.
Robin and Howard spent a short time on that. They were goofing on Sherri and her dopey comments. Howard said that's what the Medieval View would be like. He said they'd drown the person who says Earth is round. Howard said they could have Pat Robertson on to agree with Sherri about why Haiti had an earthquake and things like that.
Howard had the clip where they asked Sherri if she thinks the Earth is flat. Sherri says she never thought about it and she just thinks about feeding her children. She said it has never entered into her mind. Howard said that there were years when she could think about it like when she didn't have kids.
Howard goofed on Sherri about the flat earth thing and did an impression of her talking about how she does know the moon is made of cheese. He had her talking about Christopher Columbus and how confused she gets when that day comes around.
Howard played more audio of Sherri being asked what she would tell her son if he asks if the world is flat or round. Howard said they didn't let her answer that one. He said she was about to say something but they talked over her.
Howard goofed on Sherri about thinking that the world is flat and said that when she sees pictures of it from space she thinks it's round and flat and looks like a pizza. Howard said he's trying to be respectful so Beth can host her thing with Sherri. He said that he could get a lot cuntier about this. He said he could tell everyone what he's really thinking but he's going to be the bigger man and say that she's a great guy.
Howard went back in that clip and replayed Sherri saying that she never thought about the world being flat or round. Barbara Walters told her she could do both study the world and feed her kids. Howard said this clip should never be overlooked. He wondered where she was going with her answer about what she'd tell her child when he asks her about it.
Howard said Sherri should play Win Sal's Money. Robin said that she has seen a globe in a classroom. Howard said she probably thinks that's fake too. Robin said she says she never thought about it.
Howard said that was The View and he was discussed on there. He said the TMZ people seemed excited about him being on the show. He said that they'll be following him if he goes on there but not Sherri Sheppard. Howard said he hopes that Beth doesn't think he was being mean to Sherri. He said he was trying not to be. Howard said Beth should bring a globe with her to ask Sherri what she thinks that is.
Howard said he can imagine Sherri saying that the globe isn't the earth and asking what the giant metal poles were going through the globe. Howard said that she'd argue that just because some man made a globe doesn't mean that the Earth is round.
Howard read some mail about his Oprah rant from yesterday's show. There was someone who agreed with him about that. Howard said he thinks that his rants have paid off for this company. He said he read that Oprah is doing a show on her channel to do a charity thing. He said that Oprah announced yesterday that she'll be doing this live show on her channel. He read the article where they give details on the show Oprah is going to be doing. Howard said that she's going to be talking about child molestation.
Howard said that at least Oprah is coming on to do a show. He said that she should talk about what went down with her Jay and Dave in that Super Bowl commercial. Howard wanted to call into her show to ask about that. He said that the show is airing on Thursday. He said that they're going to just have Oprah talking about child molesters and he wonders why she's qualified to talk about that just like everything thinks he's not qualified for American Idol.
Howard said that it would be funny if Oprah came on and was in favor of child molestation. Howard said that would get a lot of attention. Howard read more of the article about what Oprah is going to be doing on that show. That show is on from 4-5pm on the 11th and he's going to call in. He said he wants to ask her why she gets $50 million a year to do nothing there. He said he wants to ask why she did the commercial with Dave but wouldn't do a commercial for SIRIUS XM with him.
Howard said it's funny how they have to press release it when Oprah actually does something there. He said that they never press release something when he does live shows every day. He said that they're announcing that she's doing a one hour live show and crowing about it. He said it's shocking when she actually does a live show there.
Howard said she's doing a whole hour too. He said maybe she'll go an extra 10 minutes. Then he said that would be crazy and she'd never do that. He read the number for her show and said he's going to try calling in. Robin said he should have a special line to get through on. Howard said that she'd know it was him then. He said she'd avoid him if he did that.
Howard said he's going to put Sal and Richard on this and have them call in and ask why she gets paid so much to do so little there. He gave Sal some advice on how to do that. Sal wanted to call in with Hate Man clips but Howard told him to take this seriously.
Howard said that he wanted Sal to ask Oprah why she did the David Letterman commercial and refused to do anything with Howard Stern to advertise SIRIUS. Howard had Sal practice his call and he didn't think it was all that great.
Richard came in and practiced getting through on the phones as Ethel, his female character. Howard told the guys if they get through to ask Oprah about the Letterman thing and the Howard Stern commercial he wanted to do. Howard said he was willing to go out to Chicago to shoot something with her and she refused. Sal practiced it and Howard gave him some pointers on how to ask the question.
Howard said that he'd like to get on the phone and speak to Oprah civilly. Sal said that's not going to happen. Howard said he would like to get through and discuss that with her seriously. Richard said he should call in as a guy from NAMBLA. Howard said he really should do that. He played some audio of that creepy NAMBLA guy talking in that message they've played on the show for years.
Howard said maybe he'll call in as the NAMBLA guy in half the show and then call in and ask about the SIRIUS thing in the second half of the show. He did his impression of the NAMBLA guy talking to Oprah about child molesting. He was on his megaphone making up the call as he was going along. Richard was laughing at the whole thing.
Howard continued to do the NAMBLA guy goofing around with that for a few minutes. He had a lot of things he could talk to Oprah about. He asked Robin which she would prefer. Robin gave Howard some advice on what else he could talk about. She suggested that he do the impression of that creepy guy talking about how proud he was to be a boy lover. Howard did some of that as he was doing his impression.
Howard had the NAMBLA guy asking Oprah for a job and giving her details on his child molesting. He was talking about the boys he had crushes on. He said he dreamed of cumming on Erkel's glasses. He also talked about Haley Joel Osment and kids like that.
Richard said that they used to prank some of the shows on SIRIUS and they were told to stop. Howard asked who did that. Richard said it was like 4 years ago. He said that they did some when they were at K-Rock but they also ruined a Richard Simmons interview. Sal said he was addicted to sausage and Richard started crying on the Jay Thomas show.
Sal said they could call in with the clips of Howard talking just now. Howard said he has to call in himself so no one yells at the guys for calling shows there. Howard went into his NAMBLA guy again. He explained what NAMBLA was to Robin who was pretending to be Oprah. Howard said that NAMBLA is the North American Man Boy Love Association. Robin pretended to be Oprah asking the guy about taking advantage of the boys that he was with.
Howard practiced talking to Oprah about what he was going to bring up as the NAMBLA guy. Robin was asking questions that Oprah might ask. She had Howard making up all kinds of things about the way he treats young boys when he's with them. Howard was talking about how he lures the boys into his place by asking if they like Hanna Montana or asking if they like video games and things like that.
Howard went on for quite a while with the NAMBLA guy impression. He was talking about how he dresses up as Poucho Marx sometimes. He said he's not as big of a pervert as the guy who taught him how to do that though. Howard wrapped up and did his impression of the NAMBLA guy talking about how some day they will be free to be boy lovers as the real guy did in his old voice mail messages.
Howard, as NAMBLA guy, said he had to go because the Little Rascals were on. He did the impression for a few more seconds and Robin, as Oprah, asked if the trace on his phone worked.
Howard asked if that call could work on Oprah. Sal said ''not a second.'' Howard said he really wants to call into Oprah and talk about what they have to do to child molesters. He said they have to castrate them. Sal said in Pakistan they put guy's cocks on a block and cut them off with a steak knife. Sal said that they might be nuts over there in Pakistan but they know how to take care of child molesters.
Howard said he would call in to Oprah's show to talk about why she doesn't do more live shows. He said he thinks that his rant led to this show she's doing this week. He said that it's about time she did a live show on her channel. Sal was going off on her saying she should be giving away some radios to her audience and called her a fat slob. Howard said that he was done with Sal and sent him on his way.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she should put it out to the fans that they should call in and ask Oprah why she doesn't do anything for SIRIUS. Howard said they could call in and tell her that they're glad to finally hear her on SIRIUS. Howard said it would be nice if she did more there. He had to take a break after that.
Howard came back and asked if that song was from their show. Fred confirmed it was. He heard that Soundgarden is getting back together.
Robin said that Benicio Del Toro was in Pee Wee's Big Adventure as a wolf boy. Howard said he was really good in Wolfman. He said they really liked that movie.
Howard said that one of the great moves on American Idol is a guy who took a Paula Abdul song and made it a cool sounding acoustical song. He said that's what wins on that show. Howard said that when you sing with that band on the show it always blows. He said the band is awful on that show and they're like a karaoke band. He said they need a good band to back up those kids. He said that the show would rock if they did something like that. He said the band is lame on the show.
Howard said it's like having the Count Basie Orchestra backing the kids up. He said they have these young kids on the show and they should have a young band on. He said the Foo Fighters are a band that knows how to keep music current. The guys in the band on the show are old, washed up session musician types. He said they're imitating rock songs and the whole thing is a mess.
Howard said this kid came out who was kind of Puerto Rican looking. He said he did that song ''Straight Up'' in a cool way and it worked. He said he took a lame song and made it cool. Howard said working with the band is the kiss of death on that show.
Fred said that he wouldn't blame the band. They're just playing off a chart and don't have time to gel together.
JD came in and said that Ashley texted him on Friday and she said she was packed over the weekend and didn't have time to go out. JD said maybe a movie this week. JD said she's flying out on some trip for two weeks and she won't be around. Howard asked how she's living now that she's not hooking anymore. JD said he doesn't know how she makes a living. He said he hasn't heard anything from her since Friday. He said that she's flying out of the country this week and he's not sure she wants anyone knowing. Then he said she's flying to Italy.
Gary came in and said that Steven Singer called in and asked if JD wanted to send Ashley something like a rose. Gary said that JD doesn't have her address so he can't send anything to her. JD tried to get it but she won't give it to him.
Howard asked JD what happens when he asks her for her address. Fred did an impression of JD saying that she tells him that she's staying at the Bates Motel. JD said he didn't want to seem creepy asking for her address. He said that it's too late now though anyway. Howard said Steven Singer can make it happen. He said Ashley must have a P.O. Box set up for creepy guys. He said he's not calling JD creepy but she must have something.
Howard said that Ashley must have someone paying for the trip to Italy. He said maybe she's got a man. JD said he doesn't know. Howard told JD he has to put his foot down now and demand her address and a date. JD said he might end up with a restraining order.
Howard told JD he should turn it around on Ashley and tell her that he's going to take the restraining order out on her if she doesn't stop hounding him. Howard thinks that she'd find that funny. JD said she doesn't check her voice mail unless it's full so he's not sure that would work. Howard said she probably just doesn't check it when it's him calling.
Howard said he could joke about hounding her and she'd like that. JD said he texted her on Monday and he hasn't heard anything back. He said he can't keep bugging her. Howard and Fred did their impressions of JD calling and leaving her messages.
Howard said it would be great if he called and told her he was going to take out the restraining order. Howard said he should take his advice and do it. JD said he had a dialog going with her and she never got back to him about the movie. He said he can only dialog so much before he gives up. Howard said maybe he'll get a ''LOL'' from her. JD said he has gotten one. He said he got an ''ROFLMFAO'' from her too. Fred was doing his impression of JD saying he also got a ''GTFA'' or Get The Fuck Away from her too.
Howard said maybe JD should go out with Lisa G. JD said no to that. He said that he doesn't see her in any sexual way at all and he's sure she thinks the same about him. Howard asked JD what he'd do if she said she wanted to go out with him. JD said he'd think she was possessed by the devil if that happened.
Lisa said she feels motherly toward JD. She said that she was all nervous for JD when she saw him on his date with Ashley.
Howard said that he loves JD but he thinks that Ashley is blowing him off. He hates to break the news to him. JD said he knows that. He isn't breaking any news to him. JD said she's not the only girl he talks to either. Howard said she's just blowing JD off and she's probably going after someone else like Mark Sanchez. Howard said she'd be lucky to get JD.
Howard told JD to text her that she'd be lucky to have him. He said maybe he should talk to her the way he does Lisa G. He said he could tell her that he doesn't look at her sexually at all. Howard told JD to get back to work. He said he makes like $17,000 a year.
Lisa said she hates texting. Howard said he does too and he can't do it with the phone and his big fingers. He said his kids love it. Robin said she likes it too. Howard said Lisa G craves intimacy. Lisa said that you can get right to the point in a phone call.
Lisa said that Captain Janks is refusing to admit that he was pranked by Sour Shoes. She said that Janks contacted them to say that there is no person that would ever be able to pull off a prank call on him. She said Janks thinks that he'd know it if Sour Shoes pranked him. Lisa said that Sour told them how he got Janks' number and he claims that his hands were shaking when he made the call. Lisa said that Sour Shoes does a great Gary impression and even Gary said it was scary good.
Lisa said that she had some audio of him doing the impression of Gary and it was really good. She had to go to her office to get the tape though.
Lisa said that Suzanne Muldowney, Underdog Lady, is due to go under surgery to replace her colon. She had to have some of her digestive system removed due to an infection. Lisa said that she's very nervous about the procedure. Howard said she wasn't eating very healthy or taking care of herself. He said she put on a lot of weight too. He said he loves her even though she's not a big fan of his.
Captain Janks called in and said that he told Lisa how he can prove it wasn't Sour Shoes. He said that Gary and Will both have his phone number and Sour Shoes does not. Janks said that Sour Shoes didn't get his number from his dad like Lisa said he did. Janks said that the news department is lying or someone is putting them up to that. He said that his father would never give out his number to anyone. He said he guarantees them that Sour Shoes wasn't the one who called him. Janks told Lisa not to make him go after her either. He said that he proved to her that it wasn't him and she's still doing the story.
Howard thanked Janks and said he would look into it. Janks also said he has some pointers on how to get passed the screener on Oprah. He said he's going to have to get a woman to pass the screener. He said once he gets passed that he's going to have to give a real story. He said once he gets on the air he's going to have less than 2 seconds to get his point out. He said he'll have to get that question out as fast as possible. He said he has to do something blunt and do it quick. He said he should get his name out too. Janks said they're going to be looking for it too so he has to do it fast. Howard thanked Janks for the pointers and let him go.
Howard read some more email about him going off on Oprah yesterday. The fans seemed to like his rant. Some people were upset with him going off on her and told him to shut the fuck up already.
Howard read some email about Jason Ellis. Some people thought he was good on the show and some just don't get him or why SIRIUS is trying to make a big thing out of him. Howard read some mail from people who told him to stop being nice to the guy. One person said Jason should have died instead of his brother. Howard said that there are people who think they're better than him. He said Jay Thomas is one guy who doesn't get it. Jason thinks he's going to be like him some day too. Howard read more mail about Jason and people were going off on him for not being that funny.
Howard said there was a lot of angry email about Jason but it'll probably end up being one of the most watched shows on Howard TV.
Ronnie came in but Howard told him that his beard is a weird color. Ronnie pretended that it was no big deal. Robin said it's red in the middle and grey at the edges. Howard said he looks like he's rusting.
Ronnie was down at Tootsie's recently and lost his voice. He said he could barely speak the last two days. Ronnie asked what he was talking about. He said he didn't lose his voice but he was tired.
Ronnie told Howard what Bubba was talking about yesterday. He said that there's this woman Danica Patrick who used to race in Indy Car. Now she's getting into NASCAR. Ronnie said they're bringing her into NASCAR to get people to watch. He said they need a big name girl in the series. He said she ran her first race on Saturday in the ARCA series. He said Bubba thinks she's a phony and can't drive. Bubba thinks she doesn't know what to tell her crew chief and stuff. Howard said Bubba was trying to track down the audio of her telling her crew chief how to get the car to handle right.
Howard asked Ronnie if he agrees with Bubba about all of that. Ronnie said he does. Howard said the funny thing is that Bubba really cares about this stuff and he's really upset. Ronnie said that Dale Earnhart died like 8 years ago and his son has been driving like shit lately. Now they're trying to build this chick up to be the next big thing.
Ronnie said they sexy this chick up trying to make a big deal out of her. She's on those GoDaddy.com commercials and stuff too. Howard said he understands now. He cut Ronnie off and said that he was quite fascinated by the whole thing yesterday.
Howard said Bubba really wants his kid to be a race car driver and he's been pushing him to drive. Howard read that Danica Patrick finished in 6th place in her first race so she did very well. Robin said that's because she's with a big team and they're saying that she wouldn't do that well if she wasn't on that team. Fred said she must have some talent to do that though.
Howard said he had to take a break but Robin said they could just break when Jackie comes in. Howard said he's not even sure why he's having Jackie on. He said he was listening to Jackie's ''Joke Hunt'' show from last night. He said that there are a lot of people on radio who don't have any business being on radio. He said it's sort of like the David Lee Roth thing. He said ratings separate the men from the boys. He said he could go on and take all of the ratings from people. It's just something he could do.
Howard said on satellite anyone can have a show. He said Jackie thinks that he can go on terrestrial radio and do a show. He said Jackie was telling a story about Robin on his show last night and he had no idea what the fuck he was talking about. He said someone asked Jackie if he really wanted to go back on the show and Jackie said he didn't.
Howard played the audio of Jackie talking about how he didn't know why they were saying that he doesn't even have a deal on the table to go back on the show. Jackie said he was doing the show the next day too.
Howard said they have a lot of people there doing radio but they're not really doing ''radio.'' He said they're never going to get real radio gigs. Howard said that Martha Stewart's daughter has a show and Judith Regan has a show but they're doing it on satellite. Howard said they're really not on radio. This is a different medium.
Howard played more of Jackie talking about going on the show. Howard said he loves Jackie but he wants to talk to him about the lunch they had and how Jackie was asking for more time on the channel. Howard said he told Jackie he could go out and do other channels if he wanted to take his show there. Howard said he didn't want to lose Jackie but if he had to leave that was fine. He said he wants to see Jackie succeed. Howard said they'll find out how well Jackie is doing with that search today. Howard said he's still the only broadcaster behind Jackie as far as he knows.
Howard played more of Jackie's show but cut it off after a few seconds saying the story was too long. Robin asked if he was telling stories about her and Fred last night. Howard said he wasn't even sure. Jackie claims that he doesn't even listen to the show anymore. Howard played that clip and Jackie was saying that people love to come back and tell him what they say about him on the show. His co-host suggested that Jackie just listen to the show and cut out the middle man.
Fred said that Ian tries to talk Jackie off the ledge sometimes and he has a good head on his shoulders. Robin said they asked Jackie to come on the show for a few days and Jackie flipped out over that. Howard said he's afraid to bring Jackie in now.
In the clip Jackie was talking about how he's not up in the morning to listen to the show but then realized that the show is on all day long. He said he no longer has that excuse.
Howard said Jackie misses his salary there and he knew that a month after he turned down the offer. Howard said Jackie should just admit that he wishes they'd take him back. Robin said they'd say no to him though. Howard said that would make Jackie afraid to admit it. Fred said that Jackie doesn't look like he has that many more years left. He said that they might need to bring him back because he doesn't look like he has much time left. They had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and talked about Daryl's appearance on the show and how great he was as a guest. Howard had Jackie the Joke Man come in after that. Howard said he wanted to know the weather too since he had plans with his daughter.
Jackie came in and tried to find Fred but he came in and did some gymnastics since Fred said he was no longer a gymnast. Jackie said he's not talking to Robin anymore. He said that she never got back to him about doing dinner. Howard said that Robin is a big phony like he is. Jackie said that's true and it's a close contest.
Jackie said that he has a role in the TV show ''Leverage.'' Howard asked if he plays Jackie in that. Jackie said he does not. He said he plays an evidence officer. Jackie said he has one scene with Jeri Ryan in the show. Howard said he has a feeling it's a 3 second scene.
Jackie said the writers of the show are fans of the show. He said the didn't even have to audition for the part. He said they have seen his work. Jackie dropped a few names of the producers and writers of the show.
Howard said Jackie has lost a lot of weight and it's alarming. Jackie said he's down to 165 pounds and he weighs less than he did in high school. Robin said the last comedian who did that said he needed a liver. That was Robert Schimmel.
Jackie got in a plug for ''Leverage'' which is on February 17th. That's for his episode. He said Timothy Hutton loves him and his jokes too.
Howard said he went to dinner with Jackie and they had a nice time. Jackie apologized for the anti-Semitic remark he made to him. Howard said that Jackie is not Jewish so when you sit down with a guy and call him a Jew Bastard, it's not right. Jackie said it wasn't like that. He said he did it as a joke and said that he didn't think he was going to show up... you Jew bastard. Howard said that it's just not right.
Howard told Jackie the way to endear himself to someone isn't to call them a Jew bastard. Howard said that it was the first thing out of his mouth. Jackie said he didn't even know that he had said it. Howard said of course he didn't but he can't be doing that.
Jackie told Howard a new joke about this woman who has a new cat. The boyfriend is always shooing the cat off the couch. He eventually takes the cat away and leaves it 10 miles away. The cat comes back. He drives it 20 mils away. It comes back. Then he drives it 100 miles away and throws it out the window and the cat comes back. He calls the girlfriend and asks the girlfriend to put the cat on the phone because he's lost.
Jackie told some more jokes in that very special way he does. Howard said they were funny jokes, at least to Jackie. Jackie was the one who was laughing at them.
Jackie said he had a big secret to tell but he couldn't tell anyone. Then he said he didn't have any secret. Howard had to slow Jackie down. He asked Jackie if he writes those jokes that he tells. Jackie said the two he told weren't his. He said he does write lines and one liners but he tells the old jokes that he's heard over the years.
Jackie said that they're thinking of writing a movie about where the jokes came from. Howard wondered if anyone would want to see that. Jackie said they did that movie The Aristocrats so why not? Robin said Jackie was actually in that movie.
Robin said that Jackie doesn't look good and his skin color doesn't look good. Howard asked Robin how old she thinks Jackie is. Robin didn't know and Jackie found that hard to believe. Robin said that Jackie is one of those guys who has a license to molest. She said that you don't even think about it when he's feeling you up in the hall.
Jackie is turning 62 on Sunday. Jackie said he can't believe he's gotten that old. Howard asked how things are at that age. Jackie said that it's okay. Howard said Jackie had a girlfriend but they ended up breaking up after he moved in with her. Howard said Jackie was in love with her. Jackie said he wasn't going to talk about what happened. He said that he didn't want to get into it. He said they broke up just before the party.
Howard said Jackie was acting like everything was fine at dinner. Jackie said he didn't want to get into that stuff with him. Jackie said he doesn't see Howard all the time and he didn't want to bring that up. Howard asked how long she lived with him before they broke up. Jackie said it just wasn't right. He said that's all there was to it.
Jackie told Howard that he knew things were bad when they were walking into a Petco and he asked her ''Did I ever tell you... '' and she cut him off saying ''Yes.'' Jackie said that he's hard to get along with and he's an odd dude. He said he was hurt by this but he still feels hurt over losing his 7th grade girlfriend.
Jackie said that the girlfriend was 40 and he's dating more women now. He said he would date women his age if they could stand up. Jackie said that he's just finding out how old he really is now.
Jackie said he likes his stupid life and he loves doing his show there. Jackie said that he had to leave Howard's show because he was having marriage troubles and drinking problems. Robin said they didn't know that there were any marriage problems. Jackie said he didn't hear about Howard's divorce until it was on the news. Howard said he knew that Jackie's wife Nancy wanted to fuck him. He said he knew Jackie's marriage was in trouble.
Jackie said he and Nancy are still great friends and she's a great kid. Howard said she's no kid. None of them are anymore.
Howard asked Jackie if he has ''punched up'' any scripts. Jackie said that he was asked to punch up a Paris Hilton movie but it had already been shot so he's not sure what they did with his stuff. All he knows is that he got paid 10 grand to do it.
Howard told Jackie how he had asked Robin and Fred if they'd be up for him coming on the show for a few days. Howard said both of them were saying they'd leave the show. Howard said the audience wasn't for it either. Jackie said he got a few emails about Fred and Robin hating him so he knew about that.
Fred said that he'd love to have the guy who invented the words ''oral and anal'' on the radio. Jackie said that story was true. Jackie told the story about how Howard used to get bleeped all the time and he would bleep oral sex and anal sex so they took out the word sex and that's how it ended up being just oral and anal.
Howard asked Robin to explain why Jackie isn't allowed back. Robin said it would be miserable working there with him. Jackie just said that earlier and he knew it would be bad.
Howard said he had a problem with Jackie being that guy who wanted the books opened and he was always that disgruntled worker. Jackie said he knows he had a good deal there. He said he loved his job. Robin said he did not. Robin said Jackie would come back and complain about doing shows after they'd fly out to Vegas to do a week of shows. She said that Howard would ask Jackie if he really wanted to give that up and Jackie would say he could do other things.
Jackie said he had to leave the show. He said that he was having drinking problems and things like that. Jackie said he's off the booze now and doesn't think about it anymore. He said he still smokes pot but he never thinks about drinking. Jackie said he didn't know he could go into a bar and just hang out. He said people only care about themselves and they don't think about anyone not drinking.
Howard said Jackie told him that he loves doing radio and he wants to take his show to other places. Jackie said he gives Howard more credit than anyone for what he does. He said he knows it's not easy. Jackie said he would like more time on the air now though.
Howard said Jackie asked him if he'd be okay with him taking his show to other places. Howard said he'd like to know if anyone has contacted him about the show yet. Jackie said he has a lot of calls to return but it's snowing out. Jackie said right now he's stuck doing just the one hour of show a week. He said he loves doing it though.
Howard told Jackie that doing a show on terrestrial radio is really different. Jackie said he just didn't want Howard to get pissed if he took a job somewhere else. Howard invited people to please contact Jackie if they have any interest in bringing his show somewhere else.
Jackie got in another plug for his appearance on ''Leverage'' and said that he has an acting career going on right now so he's not too worried about doing his show anywhere else.
Howard asked Jackie about some of the movies he's been in. He said he was in a movie and when he heard that Richard Christy was in it, he refused to do the movie. Jackie said that is untrue and he didn't turn that down because of Richard.
Howard had the producer on the phone and asked him what the real story was. Jackie said that he turned it down because the guy kept changing the deal. The producer, Sean, said that he still wants to work with Jackie. Howard asked why he thinks he left he movie over Richard. Sean said that he doesn't remember.
Will Murray came in and said that the guy told him a different story yesterday. Will said that the guy told him that Jackie left the movie because of Richard and he knew why. Howard thanked Sean for the call and let him go. He said it seems that Jackie is telling the truth.
Jackie said that he's going to be doing a show out on Staten Island at the new Uncle Vinnie's on February 20th.
Jackie said he's hoping for a recurring role on ''Leverage.'' Robin said that she'd prefer that he be on that show and not on this one. Howard asked why that is. Robin said Jackie made them uncomfortable and a hostile environment. She said they loved his contributions to the show though.
JD came in and said that Robin was walking out of the door she usually doesn't walk out of before Jackie came in. Robin said that she didn't want to see Jackie before he came in there.
Jackie said that people tell him that great radio was when he and Robin would lock horns on the air. Robin said they had great times off the air but on the air was a different story. Jackie said that she's lying about that. Howard said she's talking about the way he would be miserable working with Jackie trying to make him happy all the time. Jackie said he likes to hear that.
Fred said he may have changed his mind about Jackie. He said they should make him drink on the air. Howard asked Jackie if he really doesn't miss it. Jackie said he must have done something to convince himself that he had to stop.
Jackie said he did fall off the wagon one time at a New Year's Eve party. He said he stick his face between this chick's boobs and licked some booze that someone had poured down her chest. He said he didn't have another drink since then. He said that he has taken a sip from a drink that wasn't his accidentally.
Howard said he's sorry about his girlfriend. Jackie said he'll be okay. He said he's skinny and feels good. Jackie said that his girlfriend told him his belly was getting big and he couldn't believe how big it was so he had to lose weight.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Jackie if he had to save two of the three, Robin, Howard and Fred, which two would he save. Jackie said he'd save Howard and Fred because Robin wouldn't drown with those things on her chest.
Howard said Sour Shoes does a great impression of Jackie. He got him on the phone and his Jackie was great. He did some of his Gary too and that was pretty good but not great. He did it again and it was a little better.
Howard said Sour Shoes Scott Ferrall is great. He wanted him to do that but Sour kept doing his Jackie impression. Sour went into that impression and that's the best one he does. He also did a Tracey Millman impression that was pretty impressive. Howard said that one was pretty good. Howard said this guy has some talent. Then Sour tried to do his Artie impression and it wasn't so great so Howard hung up on him.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that she thinks that Jackie was at his best when he was drinking on the show. High Pitch Eric called in and said that Jackie sucks and he should go back to Jackie's Joke Hunt because that's the only joke on Tuesday nights.
Zolar called in and said that they seme to have some deep rooted hate for Jackie. Jackie said he doesn't even believe that. Howard and Robin said that they don't have hate for Jackie. Robin said she'll even go out to dinner with Jackie. Jackie said there will no longer be any invitations to dinner for either of them.
Howard asked where Zolar has been. Zolar said he hasn't been up early in the morning since he retired from working. He said he's been listening since the NBC days and Jackie is the plug whore of all plug whores. Howard said he knows that. He gave Jackie some quick plugs after that.
Irish John said that the show is much better without Jackie and they should give Artie his Joke Hunt game. John said no one listens to it anyway. Jackie asked how he knows that. Howard had already hung up on him.
Another guy asked them not to let Jackie back on the show. He said he laughs at his own jokes and it sounds like he's begging to be back on the show. Howard asked Jackie to tell his best joke but Jackie wasn't going to play along. Jackie thanked the caller for his call.
Another caller asked Jackie why he should be let back on the show if he bad mouthed him in that one movie he was in. Howard said Jackie actually defended him in that movie.
Another caller said that they should give Jackie another chance. The caller said that he never really got to hear him on the show so he'd like to hear him.
Howard took a call from another guy who said that they should hire Ian to fuck with Jackie. Howard said that would be funny. The caller told Howard not to forget how much of a headache Jackie gave him over the years. They also pointed out that Jackie would have to work under Benjy. Benjy said he was okay with it until he fond out that Jackie was part Jew and the show was getting too ''Jewy'' so now he's against it.
Howard gave Jackie some more plugs for his appearance on ''Leverage'' and Jackie name dropped some more of the guys from the show and how he's asked them to create a show around him. He said the guys pretended they didn't hear him.
You can find out more about all of Jackie's stuff at JokeLand.com. Howard started to wrap up with him but he had Artie audio clips on the phone to yell at Jackie. The guys were playing clips of Artie yelling at Pittsburgh Pete and had him telling Jackie to jump off a bridge. Jackie said that voice really sounds like Artie. Robin said that's the clips they have back there so that's why they had Pittsburgh in them. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and sang along to the Boston song. He had some echo on his voice as he was doing that. Howard asked the guys for the weather forecast because he had to go out with his daughter. Robin said it was snowing sideways out there. She said that it wasn't even coming down straight. Robin wasn't sure how much was on the ground though.
Howard said Gary told him that someone had called in a few weeks ago and told him that cats are dirty and smelly and he told the guy to come in and say hi. Howard didn't remember that. The guy was there so Howard had him in for a few seconds. The guy said that he came in from Philly yesterday and leaving tomorrow hopefully. the guy said they got 26 inches last week. Howard said they're getting more today. the guy said that they're supposed to get about 12 more inches.
Howard said the snow sucks because it fucks things up. He said that Ronnie was asking him if he was going out to Long Island. He said Ronnie was giving him pressure about it and there wasn't even any snow on the ground yet. Ronnie came in and yelled at Howard about that.
Howard said he didn't know for sure if it was going to snow and Ronnie was arguing. Ronnie told him to go out and look out a window. Howard told Ronnie he's being a fucking asshole. Ronnie said Howard is being the asshole. The visitor was giving Ronnie a hard time so Howard told him he likes this guy.
Howard asked the guy about the cat thing they talked about. The caller said that he has cats but he thinks that they're nuts. Howard said their cat, Apple, is doing okay. He said that she's got a skin condition but she's doing fine.
Howard said he spent a fortune on furniture and if he had spent all of this money on furniture he wouldn't have a cat with claws.
Howard asked the guy what his name was. He said it was Josh. Howard told Josh he should sit in on the Wrap Up Show.
Josh asked Howard if he's going to retire or what. Howard said he's really not sure what he's going to do. He said he's looking to work less, not more. He said that if American Idol gave him $100 million to work 4 months he'd take that. He doesn't need more than that. Josh said he would take that deal too. Howard let him go a short time later. Then he asked what he does for a living. He works as a contractor for Verizon installing FIOS and stuff. He said he thought about Howard when he was trying to use his iPhone the other day and it wasn't working. He had no service.
Howard told the guy he was doing good work but then asked why he had an iPhone if he works for Verizon. The guy said it works really well in Philadelphia. Howard asked if Verizon is ever going to get the iPhone. Josh said he wasn't sure. Howard said tomorrow they'll have a guest in who doesn't like Ferrets.
Steve said that Robin's visit to Guatemala is off limits to Stern Fans and Howard 100 News. They are not allowed to go with her on her trip down there. Robin said she was for it but they said it wasn't for the press to follow. Howard asked if Steve thinks that maybe Robin was the one who didn't want them. Steve said if Robin wanted them there she would figure out a way to make it happen.
Robin said she tried to talk to the people but she was told it wasn't a press trip. She said they're going to have a press trip later on. Steve asked what kind of baloney that is. Steve said that they have more on the Daniel Carver Jr. court case in the news as well.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Ronnie seems to forget that he's supposed to make Howard's life easier but he seems to be making it harder. The guy said that all they hear is Ronnie talking about partying and not his driving. The caller said that the roads are clear out in the city. He said that any good driver will think it's fine out there. He said a bad driver is going to cry and just go home. Ronnie told the guy that he should see how it is out on Long Island or over the bridges. Ronnie went off on the guy and called him some names. Ronnie said he's not crying, he just asked Howard a simple question this morning.
Howard said maybe he can't go this morning. He said that he'll have to call his daughter and work out plans. Ronnie and the caller went back and forth arguing about who has a better boss. The caller said he drives a private car for a guy in the movie business. Ronnie said he probably makes porno movies in his apartment.
Howard let the caller go and said that was about as childish as it gets. It doesn't get more babyish than that. Robin said she loved that argument. The caller was arguing about who had the better boss.
Howard said he and his daughter had some fun things planned today. He's kind of bummed about having to cancel the plans.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon mentioned Jackie so Howard wondered why it was that Jackie has to plug people all the time. Jackie claims that all of these guys are ''great guys'' and it was one of the things that used to bug the shit out of him. Howard said that you never hear that kind of thing on other shows.
Howard said that he's really against having Jackie back on the show. He said that he's more against it than Robin is now. He said Jackie lost him when he said he invited anal and oral.
Robin asked Howard how he sees things going with Benjy being there. Howard said they'd have to demote Benjy to being an intern again. Howard said Jackie would be the head writer again. He said he'd make Jackie in charge of giving him the jokes and Jackie would turn down all of Benjy's jokes. Howard said Benjy actually does a great job there and he's very happy with him.
Jon went through some more of the stuff they were going to cover today on Wrap Up. He quickly went through that stuff but they ended up talking more about Jackie. They also spent a minute talking about JD and Ashley Dupre and Ronnie's ''rusting'' beard. Howard said Ronnie is dying the beard and when you do that it looks too colorful. Howard said that there must be professionals out there that could color it for him. Fred said that it looks like he was bobbing for apples in tomato soup. He said he should hang lights on that thing if he really wants to go crazy.
Howard asked Jon what he thinks about that. Jon said he thinks it looks a little weird but not as weird as they're making it out.
Howard said it looks like Ronnie is painting his beard on. Ronnie said that he doesn't care and he's just jealous. He said that both Howard and Fred are jealous. Fred said he knows better than to grow something that looks awful. Ronnie said that's Fred's opinion and not everyone's. Fred said it looks like one of those things they sold in stores with metal shavings in it that you'd stick on with magnets.
Howard said Ronnie isn't a bad looking guy and he should just shave that thing down. Ronnie said he doesn't want to and it's supposed to be thick. He said that's why they call it a beard. Howard said the color doesn't match his hair. He said he looks like he's growing mold on his face.
Howard said Ronnie uses that Just for Men stuff and he'd never use that based on what Ronnie looks like. Ronnie said he looks fine. Howard said Ronnie used to wear that Mambo stuff every day but he stopped that. Ronnie said he still wears it every day. He said he still gets that stuff and just got a fresh shipment the other day. That led to Fred playing a ''Just For Men'' song parody to the tune of ''It's Raining Men.''
Howard said it seems to work for Ronnie because he gets women. Ronnie said he doesn't care if he does or not. Fred said he looks like Brad Pitt when he grows shitty beards. The Howard TV guys showed that thing that Fred has on his chin. Fred said he knows he can't grow a very good one. The Howard TV guys put up some shots of the magnetic beard toy that they were talking about. Ronnie said he had one of those when he was a kid. Howard let him go a short time later.
Richard said that he has kept his blanket and pillow. He said he keeps them when he walks off the flight. Howard said maybe he's stealing them. Richard said he's not though.
Robin read a story about Valentine's day coming up and how roses were being used to smuggle in cocaine. Robin said it wasn't such a great disguise. Robin read about how some people are pressured when Valentine's day comes around. Howard said even he gets pressured during that time. He said it's ridiculous and it is stressful. He said everything stresses him out though. Robin said that a doctor tells you that you should put the past and future out of your mind and just concentrate on your loved one. She said that you should give that person your full attention. Howard said they just want the gift. He said if it was something you enjoyed you wouldn't save it for the last minute. Robin gave some suggestions for how to have a good, cheap, Valentine's day. One of the suggestion was to have a picnic on the apartment floor. Howard said no woman wants that. They want to eat at the table. Robin suggested giving a massage and not turn it sexual. Howard said he's done that with Beth but it always turns sexual. He said he rubs her back for a few minutes and then that evil snake in his pants comes out. Robin said another idea is to sing to your loved one. Howard said that won't work for him either. Howard said that all of those ideas were lame. They had to go to break after that.
After the break Howard came right back and asked Robin what else she had in the news. Robin brought up the mess they have in the state of New York with Governor Patterson. Robin said there's a rumor that there's a bombshell story coming out about him. Howard said he thinks he knows what it is. He said he thinks that they want him to be a judge on American Idol. Robin said they're speculating that he's going to resign from office but Patterson says he won't leave until he's voted out of office.
Robin read another story about a senator who was kicked out of his seat because he had been accused of assaulting a woman. They voted him out of his seat. The guy is taking that to court because he doesn't think it's right that other legislators were voting him out and not voters. Howard said that it is kind of bizarre. He said that it could be a political thing and he worries about that. Howard said the guy doesn't deserve to be seated but he worries that they're going to rush other people out for political reasons. Robin had some audio of the Senator talking about the arrogance it takes to kick him out of his seat when they've never been in his district to vote.
Howard said he forgot that it was Governor Patterson there in New York. He said he just blanked out on that. Howard said he must be losing his marbles.
Robin read a story about a guy who was faking bills and turning them into $177 bills for a $7 check. Howard said in Manhattan it's believable to pay that kind of money for a bagel and a soda. Howard said that the prices in the city are really bad. Robin said she's not sure how she even lives there. Robin said she would have a huge place anywhere else if she had to pay the money she's paying in the city.
Howard said that making $200,000 in Manhattan isn't that much. He said that you're doing okay but not great. He said they are not rich people if they're living in the city making that money.
Robin read some news about how the city is writing tickets like crazy trying to raise money. She said they'll write tickets for people who sit in their cars if they're parked in the wrong place. Howard said that parking is really expensive in the city too. He said it's like $400 a month.
Robin read a story about Jenny Sanford writing a book and going out to promote that. Robin said her husband found his soul mate in Argentina. Howard said he doesn't like this woman. He said she's coming out with a book about what a kook the husband was but he's wondering why she didn't leave him before or warn people about what a nut he was. He wondered why she was with him. Robin said they say love is blind so maybe that's why. Robin had some audio of Sanford talking about her marriage and family and how she watched it implode. Howard said the guy was a scumbag and she should have just gotten out of the marriage before he cheated on her.
Howard said he saw some of Jay Leno's final 10 o'clock show. He said it was awful and a terrible rewrite of history. Howard played some audio from the show and goofed on Jay for his lame jokes. Howard said Jay is such a douche. Jay was joking that his sentence was supposed to be two years but it was reduced to 5 months for good behavior. Howard said that's a douche move because he wasn't forced to take that job. Jay also said that he told NBC it wasn't going to work. Howard said that's another thing he's rewriting. Howard said Jay wasn't hypnotized and he didn't have to do the show. Howard said he's a bizarre man. Howard said he shouldn't have taken the show if he knew it wouldn't work.
Howard played more of the Jay thing and he was joking about how the thing that has changed the most in 5 months is Heidi Montag. Howard said Heidi actually looks good. He likes the surgery she's had.
Jay was joking that he knows people who have had erections longer than his show lasted. Howard said Jay faked some surprise when he was told that they had some special guests on the satellite for him. He said that he acts like he's all surprised and it's all scripted. Howard said the guy is such a dick and a douche. He said he should be a normal person but he's just a ''fuckin' tool.''
Howard played the clip of Jay pretending to be surprised by the satellite feed from New York. Jay saw that it was Donald Trump and Trump tells him ''You're fired.'' Howard said Jay wasn't even fired, Conan was.
Howard did a live commercial in the middle of the news. He was still making fun of Jay during that commercial. He pretended to be surprised about the Vermont Teddy Bear commercial he was doing.
Robin got back to her news and read about the Winter Olympics that are coming up. She said that they're doing some stuff with the clothing this year. They're trying to show that the girls are sexy and showing them in bikinis. Howard said he saw that on the back of the Daily News today. Robin said that they're not going to look like that going down the ski slope. Howard said that the girl they had in there should look even better than she does. He said that if you ski every day of course you're going to look good. Howard said he has no interest in winter Olympics. He said he hates skating and skiing.
Robin read a story about the guy who was stalking Erin Andrews. She read that they found that he was looking up information on about 30 other women too. Robin said many of them were sportscaster's. Howard said the guy was in the insurance industry and had a good job. Robin said that the guy victimized about 16 other women according to the report she was reading. Robin said the videos are still floating around the internet. Robin said he may get up to 27 months in jail. Howard said that's almost two years. He said he felt that was a little light for doing what he did. He said he should get a year for each woman he victimized.
Robin read some news about President Obama talking about Iran and their nuclear power. She had some audio clips of Obama talking about that.
Robin had some news about Sarah Palin writing stuff down on her palm and how they're making fun of her at the White House press conference. Robin had some audio of the press secretary joking about how he had written down some notes on his palm. That led to Robin talking about some billboards being put up where they ask ''Miss me yet'' and have a picture of George W. Bush on them. Howard said no one misses that guy.
Robin read some news about illegal immigrants and how the numbers have dropped by about 1 million since 2007. She said that a lot are leaving to go home and less are trying to cross the border because of the bad economy.
Robin read some news about Rod Blagojevich being due in court this morning. She also read some news about the snow storm they have going on there in the New York area. Robin said that people were buying rock salt, snow shovels and snow blowers. Howard was trying to figure out what he needed to do today because of that weather.
Robin said that Ringo Starr got his star on the Walk of Fame out in Hollywood. Howard said it's ridiculous that Ringo didn't have one already. He said that you have to pay for your own though so that's kind of lame. He said he was offered one but he didn't want to pay for it. Howard said that must have been the one thing Ringo was holding out for in his career.
Robin read some news about Cyndi Lauper and Lady Gaga working together on a song. Howard played some of Lady Gaga's song but he said he had a headache and cut it off.
Robin said that Ellen Degeneres made her debut on American Idol last night. She had some audio from the show where Ellen was joking around with the contestants. Howard said that sounds like a scream. Robin said Ellen also talked to a contestant before they auditioned and played that clip. Robin also had some audio of Ellen talking about being a judge on the show and what she was feeling. She said it wasn't so easy to tell people to their faces what you think about their performance.
Robin was wondering who was going to replace Simon Cowell. Robin said she read that Howard is not on the list of possible people. Howard said he never said he was. He said that the NY Post went with a story about it and he never confirmed or denied it. He said he's not sure what the two bottles of wine are doing on his table though.
Robin read some news about a new movie that's coming out and had some audio of Julia Roberts talking about that. Howard played that clip and goofed on her about her dopey statement. There were other clips of her talking about what you need in a movie and how you need tension and a clock. Howard asked what she's talking about. He said he thinks you need a camera. Julia was also talking about how they were very ''green'' on the set with solar power and biodegradable cups and things like that. Howard said he hates people who have that much time to think about shit like that. He spent some time doing an impression of her talking about how they all ate their own shit on the set too. He said only movie stars work green. Everyone else is just trying to make a living. He continued to talk about the shit eating and joked that Julia had eaten Jennifer Aniston's shit on a movie set and it tasted like chocolate.
Robin had some audio of Benicio Del Toro talking about his movie ''Wolfman'' and his co-star in the movie. Howard said he's pretty sure he fucked that chick Emily Blunt. Benicio was talking about how much fun she was to have on the set. Howard said that was the clue that he fucked her. Benicio sounded like he was falling asleep in that clip. Howard said someone needs to give him a jolt. Howard played the rest of the clip and it was cut off in the middle of a sentence. Robin had some other clips of Benicio talking about the movie. Howard cut them off and told everyone that the movie is good so just go see it.
Robin had some other celebrities talking about their movies as well. Howard played through those and tried to get through them but it was tough. Howard didn't last long through one clip where the woman was talking about the history of Greek Mythology. Howard said if this woman had put her own money into this movie she would have made it more interesting. Howard said that's what he would do if he was out promoting a movie. They ended the show around 11:10am.
Jon brought up Jackie the Joke Man's visit to the show today. Gary said Jackie hasn't been on much since he left but today was the fourth time or so and they were able to fuck with him more today than in the past couple of times he's been on.
Jon said that Jackie likes to plug and drop names a lot when he's on the air. Gary said Jackie has always done that and it comes across as kind of tacky. He said that it also seems kind of crow barred into the show. Jackie has to mention the first and last names of everyone too. He said he's not sure what the benefit of that is. Jon asked if he's saying thank-you to them in a way. Gary said that might be part of it.
Gary said he talked to Al Michaels one time and he told him about how they would talk about trying to crow bar in someone or something during sporting events and they wanted to do that with Howard one year in 1988 or so. Gary said Al figured out a way to get in a mention of Howard. He said Jackie just tries to get in name after name and isn't so subtle about it.
Jon said Robin seems to have changed her mind on Jackie coming back to the show. Gary said Howard has moved the other way though. He said Fred hasn't moved at all. Gary said that Fred has been on opposite end of that stick with Jackie and he likes to poke him with it when he's on the show.
Benjy asked if they think that Howard would care what anyone else thinks about having Jackie on the show. Gary said he thinks that Howard was just pondering the question when he was thinking about having him on.
Jon said that Robin kind of avoided Jackie today and there does seem to be some tension in the room. Gary said that Jackie doesn't listen to the show anymore and he didn't even know what the Artie clips were. He said he didn't know about the Wrap Up Show or any of that stuff because he doesn't listen anymore.
Benjy said he doesn't know if he believes Jackie about that. He said Jackie says that if he listened and thought the show was horrible he'd feel bad and if it was good he'd feel bad because he's missing out on it. Benjy said he's not sure he believes any of that.
Gary said that he doesn't believe that Jackie would feel bad if a segment wasn't good. Gary said that when you leave the show you never want to listen to it again. He said it's like leaving the studio during the commercial break before the commercials are over. Everyone will talk about you behind your back.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked who is the hardest to work with there. He said he thinks that Robin was hard to work with in the past. Gary said Robin went through some stuff and she was going through that on her own. He said that some days she was in a bad mood and it might spill over to them but they got through it. He said that Jackie's tension was created by Jackie when he would quit the show. He would question who makes how much money and he always wanted a piece of it. It was like Jackie wanted to be a partner in the show instead of just being part of the show.
Gary said there was a time when Robin refused to talk to Jackie when he walked off the show for a week or so. Robin told Jackie that he was selfish and it was making it hard for them to do the show.
Ronnie said Jason was busting his balls about his finger, that's why he got so mad. Jason came in and said that Ronnie turns into Gunga Din on Wednesday. He said that he takes cookies to everyone. Ronnie said he only took 4 cookies. Jason asked him who put him in charge of distributing the cookies. Ronnie said he's just a nice guy. Jason said that the people on the show should get their own food. Ronnie said no one on the show even eats that shit anymore.
Ronnie told Jason to go fuck himself because he's not in the mood for his shit. Jason kept going and goofed on Ronnie about getting everyone their cookies. Ronnie said that anyone can take any food they want there. He said he's not stopping anyone from taking anything. He said he really doesn't give a fuck.
Jon said Ronnie organizes the boxes before everyone gets there. He said he goes through them all and he was trying to defend him there but Ronnie was angry at him too. Ronnie said he was just trying to do some favors for people there and they're giving him a hard time.
Jon brought up Ronnie's beard and Ronnie said that Howard is just upset that he can't grow his own. He said Howard has bald spots in his and that's just not cool. He also went off on Fred saying that it looks like he has salt on his face when he has a beard.
Jason said that Ronnie's beard is a weird color to begin with so when he dyes it the color is really strange. Ronnie said he doesn't care about Jason and that he thinks that he's in charge of everything around there.
Ronnie said Jason can go fuck himself. He said it's none of his business if he takes cookies to people outside of the compound there. He said it's all Tim Sabean and Howard Stern's business.
Jason and Ronnie continued to go off on each other for a short time. Jason was asking why Ronnie becomes a waiter every Wednesday. Ronnie said he's not a waiter and he's just doing some favors for people. Benjy asked if he has ever turned anyone down to save something for them. Ronnie said he's never turned anyone down. Ronnie said he would do it for anyone who asked.
Benjy asked how many cookies they get total. Ronnie said he's not sure but maybe a couple of dozen. JD asked if he would save anything for the people that work at night, like Skippy. Ronnie said he's not even there at night.
Jason said that he'd like to have some black and white cookies so he's going to be in charge of them next week. He said he's going to distribute them himself next week.
Jon said it seems like Ronnie is trying to do something nice and asked Gary if Jason is out of line there. Gary said that he can see both sides of the story. He said that he's not sure that the receptionist should be on the list of people to get something. Ronnie said that there are three boxes of cupcakes that show up. He said they have plenty to give out.
Jason said that Ronnie is acting like the cookie Nazi and he doesn't think that's right. He said he didn't know he could put himself in charge of the cookies like that but that's what he's going to do next week.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Ronnie butchers the NASCAR stuff whenever he talks about it. Ronnie said he was just talking about Bubba. The caller said that Ronnie was wrong about Dale Jr. and Danica Patrick. Ronnie said he was just telling them what he heard on Bubba yesterday. Ronnie explained what he was saying earlier about the racing and how Danica no longer races in open wheel racing.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that Ronnie should retire and call it done. He also asked Gary when he's going to book Conan. Gary said he's working on it. He said he has a bit of a gag order on him right now but he is working on it. They had to go to break after that.
Jon asked JD about him and Ashley Dupre. JD said that he wasn't planning on contacting her for a while. He said that he was going to wait a month or so. Jon asked if he has given up. JD said he hasn't given up but he's not going to hold on.
Jason came back in and said that he heard the old waiter talking about him so he came back in. Ronnie said he could out run Jason's fat ass around the block. Jason asked if this was 1932 talking about out running him around the block. They got into it a little more for a couple of minutes before Jon moved on.
Benjy asked JD about the texts that he was sending to Ashley and when he last heard from her. JD said he texted her last Friday about seeing a movie. He said he heard back from her saying she was booked up this weekend. She told him that maybe they could see a movie this week. He said that Ashley is supposed to be flying out sometime this week and he hasn't heard back from her since then.
Jon asked JD if he was upset about what Lisa G said about thinking of him in a motherly way. JD said he thinks of her the same way so he was fine with it.
Ronnie was telling Jason to stop swaying in the studio because the whole room was moving. Jason and Ronnie went back and forth with their little jokes for a couple more minutes. Jason said Ronnie was very mouthy for a waiter.
Jon tried to get back to JD. Ronnie had to get going anyway. Jason asked him to tell them what the specials were for the day. Ronnie threw out another line and ran out.
Jon got back to JD again and said that JD has been accused of setting his sights too high. He asked JD if he thinks that Ashley is out of his league. JD said that he wasn't even going to ask her out. He was brought in by Gary. Gary said he didn't bring him in. JD said he did point it out to Howard that he liked Ashley Dupre when she was on the show.
JD was trying to explain himself but it wasn't coming out. He said that Ashley is very beautiful ''and what not so...'' and didn't finish his thought. JD said he can dream. The guys asked JD when he last had any action. JD said it was out in Vegas in June of last year.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that this is the first day that Gary hasn't started a sentence with ''listen.'' Gary said that the caller did that too though. Gary said he has a speech affectation and he can't avoid it sometimes. The guy was also saying that they give away prizes to people who don't appreciate it all the time too. They were going to give him a prize but Jon and Gary decided not to.
Jon took another call from a guy who talked about Jason and Ronnie a bit. They gave him the prize they had to give away instead of the other guy. The caller said he thought Sour Shoes was great on the show today. He said Fred needs to do more impressions too. He said that they shouldn't worry about Howard going to Idol either. He said that he's going to stay on SIRIUS or he'll just go away. He said he knows for a fact that he'll stay on SIRIUS for 5 years just to stay relevant. Gary didn't think that Howard would be less relevant if he went on Idol. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about Benicio Del Toro coming in today. He told Robin she might want to put on her make up for him. Robin said she was working on it. Howard said that's the kind of man Robin should be with. Robin said he's kind of moody for her. Howard said he can imagine him sticking his wolfie penis in her. He said they'll see if they can get some kind of romance going on the show today. He said he would probably sleep at her feet. Robin said she has wondered what kind of nut he is.
Howard said he was researching for Benicio's interview and he read that he's impossible to work with because he's so intense according to one director. Howard said he could imagine Robin coming in with scratches after dating him while he's playing the Wolfman. Howard said he'd probably eat her cats. Robin said she'd probably have to put him in a cage at night.
Howard told Robin that he'll have to figure out a way to tell Benicio she's interested in him. Robin said she only has this one shot so he had better figure it out. Howard told her to just throw herself in his lap when he comes in. Howard told her to leave it to him and she'll be dating in no time.
Howard told Robin that he's going to tell Benicio that she likes to lick a guy's balls. He said that will get him. He said he'll also tell him some other stuff that's not quite true. He's going to sell her a bit. He said she looks good today. He said he's practicing to tell Benicio about her today.
Howard played some audio from the Wrap Up Show where Ronnie was explaining what he does with the cookies. Ronnie said he saves some cookies for a bunch of people and people are all freaked out about it.
Howard said he told Ronnie to stand in the hall and do nothing and pretend he's not even there. He's obviously not doing that. Howard played more of the audio where Jason and Ronnie were going back and forth arguing about the cookies and what Ronnie does with them.
Howard asked where Ronnie was and asked why he's handing out these cupcakes and cookies. Robin said they've had the cookies for years and she's not sure why he thinks they're his. Howard asked why Ronnie wasn't wearing a suit this morning. They figured it was because of the snow. Howard said he wants Ronnie in a suit there because he wants them looking nice and not being a clown delivering cookies.
Gary told Howard that Ronnie is in Scott's studio refusing to come in the studio. Howard told Gary to tell him to get in there because he wants to talk to him about the cookies. Howard said this is about his job and it's starting to get to him.
Howard said he saw Ronnie in the studio yelling at the guys after he went to the bathroom. He said he had to kick Ronnie out of there. Gary told Howard that's how the whole thing got started with Jason in there. He said that he was confronting him about the cookie thing in the studio.
Howard told Ronnie to get in there or he'd call Lonnie and tell him no more Rick's for him. He said if he's not going to listen to him then he's taking away those plugs for Rick's. He heard that Ronnie was locked up in the bathroom. He told the guys to let him know about the Rick's thing and maybe he'd get in there.
Howard thought Ronnie was heading in after the threat of losing Rick's. It looked like he wasn't going to come in but he did.
Ronnie told Howard to take the Rick's plugs away because he's tired of his shit. He said he can take the cupcakes away too and they can stick them up their ass. He said Jason can have them all. Ronnie said he can take whatever he wants from him, he doesn't give a fuck.
Fred was laughing his ass off at Ronnie. Ronnie's gum had come flying out of his mouth so that was amusing to him. Ronnie said Howard is the general there and he can do whatever he wants. He said he does one thing and he threatens to take something away from him.
Howard told Ronnie he's like 62 years old and this is out of hand. Ronnie said he's not 62 but he refused to say how old he is. Howard figured out what was going on and said that if the receptionist there is listening, Ronnie is actually only 40.
Ronnie said Howard lied about what he asked him yesterday about the snow. He said Howard accused him of complaining when all he did was ask one question. He said he doesn't even do the driving, he has another guy that does that.
Howard said he envisioned the position there doing the security thing as something else. Ronnie told him not to give him a hard time and make a thing out of this. Ronnie said he's done there and he wants out of there. He said he doesn't want to work up there anymore. Ronnie said he's done up there. He said he'd get someone to replace him. Howard said he'll hire someone else to work up there.
Howard said Ronnie would be so forgotten if he left there. Howard told Ronnie he guesses he's done there. Ronnie was about to leave but Howard told him to think about that and not walk out of there. He told Ronnie that he wants to talk about this cookie thing. Ronnie said that Jason is the stupid mother fucker who drove him over the edge with that cookie thing yesterday.
Howard told Ronnie he's not thinking clearly. Ronnie said Jason is in everyone's business out there and it drives him nuts. Howard said Jason is his boy and he shouldn't be talking about him that way. Ronnie said Howard never stands up for him and he's sick of it.
Jason came in so Howard asked if everyone hates him. Jason said it sounds like this is more about Howard than it is about him. Ronnie walked out again so Howard threatened to take away the Rick's plugs.
Jason said all he did was ask about the cookies. Gary said Pete the Intern was out there asking if he could have Ronnie's plugs.
Howard said Ronnie is not in charge of the cookies and Jason is right about that. Jason said he saw Ronnie over there with four plates of cookies and he wondered why he was doing that.
Ronnie came back in and said he never said that he was in charge of the cookies. Howard told the guys that this all exists because of him. He said he's been on Ronnie's side in a lot of stuff too. Ronnie said he hasn't been on his side since they got there. Howard said he has been and he's converted his life. He said he'd still be writing letters in crayon if he didn't change his life.
Howard told Ronnie he is not to be the cookie guy anymore. He said that Ross Zapin doesn't need more cookies. He said that once you start collecting cookies you're taking them away from people who are there in the morning. Ronnie said he's not taking anything from anyone. Ronnie said there are boxes and boxes of cupcakes when they get them in the morning. He said they get a ton of cookies too. He saves about 3 and hands them out.
Ronnie said that he saves a couple for guys like Jared who doesn't get there until 9. Ronnie said he took 3 cookies and put them in Jared's office. Ronnie said that's all he did and they have like 2 dozen of them there.
Jason said that the cookies are gone by 10 after 6 in the morning and he blames Ronnie for that. Ronnie said that's not his fault. The guys told him it is his fault because he is the one taking cookies to people who aren't there.
Ronnie said he doesn't have to listen to anything Jason says, and if he does, he's out of there. Ronnie said Jason isn't the boss. Jason said all he did was tell Ronnie that he shouldn't be taking the cookies if the people aren't there.
Ronnie said he's no longer taking care of the boxes of cookies and cupcakes. Medicated Pete came in and said that he wanted to take over for Ronnie. He said he wants to be Medicated Pete the Limo Driver now. Howard told Pete he could leave because he's having a serious discussion. Ronnie told him to go wipe his nose because it was covered in snot.
Ronnie said he's done taking care of the cupcakes and cookies. He's no longer going to do anything with them. Howard said that's what he wants. He said he doesn't have to be everyone's friend there. Ronnie said he's not. He said he's not going to give any to Jared when they get the cookies next time. Howard said it doesn't matter. It's not going to make a difference if he gets them for him or not.
Howard told Ronnie there are guards at Buckingham Palace that don't react to anyone. He said that's what Ronnie should be doing. He said that he's going to get him a uniform like that so he can just stand there like a guard and not do anything.
Howard said he wants Ronnie to just stare people down and not be a personality. He said Jason asked Ronnie about a Band Aid on his finger yesterday and Ronnie freaked out. Ronnie said it was just a piece of tape and not a Band-Aid. Ronnie said he just felt like sticking it on there. Howard asked why he's doing that stuff when he's supposed to be a bodyguard there.
Jason said he just asked Ronnie what was up with the tape. He thought he had hurt his finger or something. Ronnie flipped out on him about it.
Howard told Ronnie he doesn't want him involved with all of these people. Ronnie said that he's not involved with anyone, they're involved with him.
Howard told Ronnie about the movie where Kevin Costner was a bodyguard for Whitney Houston. Howard said he didn't interact with people. He said that's what Ronnie has to become. He said he has to be a stone face. Howard said right now it sounds like he's trying to get into Jared's pants. Howard said he's getting cookies for Ross, Tracey and Jared. He said he doesn't care how many cupcakes he gives anyone.
Ronnie said he saves some cookies for Tracey but they're the rainbow cookies. Jared gets the black and white cookies and he likes 3. Howard asked what the girl out front gets. He said she gets whatever he gives her and she's happy with that. Ronnie said he gives that girl's relief girl a cupcake too.
Howard asked what Ross likes. Ronnie started to laugh. He said Ross likes the little apple ruggelas. He said that there are none left when he gets there so he saves a couple and puts him on his desk.
Ronnie said that some invited the morning crew from another show in there one day to take stuff. Howard asked if Ronnie let them in but Ronnie said it wasn't him.
Howard told Ronnie he doesn't need to be doing this. It's not part of his job and it's causing a problem. Howard said he can see Ronnie doesn't want to give this up. Ronnie said he's done. He's blaming Jason for that and everyone will know that.
Ronnie was saying that his heroes are Bubba, Tony Stewart and Lonnie from Rick's. Ronnie said that he's not going to go to Rick's anymore though. He said he's not touching the cupcakes and he's not going to Rick's. Ronnie said there's no problem with that. Howard wondered how he was going to live not going to Rick's.
Robin asked Ronnie about his outfit today. Ronnie said he didn't feel like wearing a suit today. Howard said Kevin Costner always wore a suit. Ronnie said that's not true. He wasn't in a suit when he took Whitney Houston out to dinner. Robin said it sounds like that film was a training film for him.
Howard told Ronnie to get back out there and work. He said they have security people there at SIRIUS and there's one guy and two women. The guy is wearing a suit. Ronnie said there is no one out there today. Ronnie said no one is wearing a suit. Howard told him he's a professional and he should stand there like a Buckingham Palace guard.
Gary told Ronnie that there is a security guy out there dressed in a suit. Ronnie said that guy doesn't work with them. Gary said he does too. Gary said that he's just saying that the guy is in a suit and he's security. Ronnie kept bringing up the cookie thing and was arguing with Gary over nothing.
Howard said when Ronnie goes over to Rick's he changes into a special outfit. He said he should wear a baker's outfit or something in there. Ronnie was still on the cookie thing and kept bringing up Jason but he wouldn't say his name. He was calling him Wimpy and other names.
Robin asked Ronnie what he would do if he was getting people their cookies and someone snuck in and attacked Howard. Ronnie said that shouldn't happen. He said that they have other security guys there. Howard told Ronnie to get his head screwed on straight.
Ronnie said it's time to take phone calls to let people attack him now. Howard said that he should be there guarding him and not delivering cookies. Ronnie said that he's in the compound. Howard said he's not if he's out delivering cookies to Jared. Ronnie said he's right and apologized for that.
Howard told Ronnie to get back out there and guard him. He played a Whitney Houston song from ''The Bodyguard'' and Ronnie said he loved that movie and he's seen it like 100 times. Howard said Whitney sucked Kevin's cock in that movie because of the way he guarded her. He said he just wants Ronnie to guard him like Kevin guarded Whitney. He said he wants to fall in love with Ronnie.
Howard told Ronnie he's got to practice carrying him down 36 flights of stairs there just in case there's a fire. Howard said that Ronnie should use that movie as inspiration.
Howard told Ronnie not to yell at Jason and Will anymore. He saw that Sal and Richard were in the hall pretending to be Howard and Ronnie with Howard blowing Ronnie. Howard told the guys to put that on Howard TV immediately. He said he was going to throw up seeing that though.
In the clip Janks was Gene Lasker from the Bubba show. Howard said that was kind of funny that he used that name. Ronnie came in and told Howard that Lasker was a friend of Bubba's but they're not that close anymore. Ronnie said they had a big blow out over something.
Howard told Janks that maybe he should get into business getting people's businesses mentioned on TV shows. Janks said he could do that. He said he has to get back to Steve Langford now though. He said that Steve is calling him names again and he's going to have to get back to calling his mother a cunt. Janks said that Steve won't even cover this call today. Howard said he didn't want to ruin this moment.
Howard played the call that Janks made to CNN. They got him on as Gene Lasker and Janks said that they think that everyone should stay home and out of the snow in the New Jersey area.
Howard cut the call off and said that Janks always has good information. He said he's really good with that stuff. Janks said that what he did before the prank was actually very good.
In the call Janks told the host about what they were suggesting about the snow storm and said that it was a day to sit home and contemplate Howard Stern on American Idol. the host kept asking Janks questions and Janks had to tell him that it was a prank call.
Howard said that Janks could have kept going with that call. Janks said that he figured calling him a dumb ass was a better idea.
Janks said that Lisa G flipped out on him during the interview yesterday and hung up on him. He said that she called him a damn gentile and freaked out on him. He said the whole news department hates him. Howard said High Pitch Eric hates him too. He had Eric on the phone and Eric told him to stop robbing people and called Janks' mother a cunt. Janks said that Eric is a great guy all of a sudden and no one is talking about his mother dropping him from her will. Howard let Janks go and said he had to take a break after that.
Howard came back and said that Medicated Pete was there today and he works there 2 days a week. He said FOX news was out doing interviews with people and Medicated Pete ended up on there and he didn't tell anyone. He said a caller told them about it.
Howard asked Pete why he didn't tell anyone. Pete said it was pretty cool actually. He said he kept it to himself and he wasn't even sure why. He said he wanted to keep it a surprise. Howard asked how it could be a surprise if he wasn't going to tell anyone.
Howard had the audio of that interview. He played the clip and the reporter was talking to people out on the street and Pete was talking about how slippery the streets were even though he didn't drive in. Robin asked if they put up his name as Medicated Pete. Pete said he gave them his real name which is Pete McHeffy.
Howard said that Ellen Degeneres is such a jerk. He said that she commented on whether or not she'd work with him. He said that she was commenting about how she would leave the show if he joined. Howard read an article about it and they said that Ellen is saying she would walk right away from the show if Howard was hired.
Howard said he has never taken the opportunity to take work away from people. He said if he wanted that job and Ellen rained on his parade like that was just wrong. He said that he didn't get into the business to judge karaoke contests. Howard said he's okay with not taking that job but when you piss on someone's possible dream job, it's not right.
Howard said that Ellen is a cunt and she just proved it. Howard said that it's bad karma to block someone from getting a job. Howard said that if she's in a position to do something like that it's really bad karma. Howard said he's going to put a curse on her and within the next year he thinks that things are going to fall apart for her.
Howard said that Ellen is forever cursed now. He said that he's not sure what will happen to her but he thinks that she is going to be cursed. He said he believes in that karma thing. Robin said she wishes she believed in it but she's seen too many bad people do bad things and not suffer.
Howard said that face of Ellen's looks like she smelled bad pussy. He said he thinks that's what happened to her. He said that she's got that crinkled nose on her face probably from the bad pussy she's had in the past.
Howard said that Kara DioGuardi also commented on him. He read that article where they said that Kara was saying he was bad for the show. She thinks that he has no musical background so he wouldn't work on the show. Howard said Kara is sitting next to Ellen who has no clue about music so he's not sure why she'd say that.
Howard said he has more music background than Ellen does. Howard said he has put out an album that was the fastest selling album in history. He said he's worked with people in the business and did a song with Rob Zombie and other people.
Howard said he worked with Sugar Ray and Mark McGrath would credit him with the birth of his career. Howard said that he's been involved in more music than Kara has. He said he has gold records on his wall because he helped artists sell albums. He said they were artists he believed in. Robin said they have artists on the air all the time.
Howard said he predicts that he will not be on American Idol. Howard said they have picked awful people as winners on that show. He said they picked Ruben Studdard and Clay Aiken and look where they are now. Howard said they pick awful performers on that show and they don't know what they're doing. Howard said he knows what people wants and he has been giving people what they want for years.
Howard said that Randy Jackson was a broken down bass player for Journey. He said that you have to admit that this story is inspiring a lot of ink. He said they had a poll somewhere about the whole thing. He said that Ellen should have said that she wasn't going to prevent someone from getting a job.
Howard said he was fine with Ellen staying and he wasn't going to try and get her fired. He said that she's acting like she's running the whole show now. Howard said he doesn't even see Randy on the show anymore. Howard said he didn't tell the American Idol people that anyone had to leave if he went there.
Howard said he knows someone at 19 Entertainment who would know. Howard said he has never said a bad word about Ellen at all. He said that they can ask the guy who owns 19 Entertainment if he bad mouthed her too. He said he won't say why he was there the other day though. He said he was in a meeting the other day and someone whispered to him ''Ellen's gay.'' Howard said he told that person he would work with her anyway. He has nothing against gay people.
Howard said he doesn't sit there busting Ellen's balls. He said that she sucks but he doesn't bust her balls about it. Robin said that he did bust her balls about the dog situation. Howard said he did do that. He said he doesn't want her losing her job though.
Howard said that show is going to end up in the toilet when Simon leaves. He said that Kara is going to be dead in the water when Simon leaves.
Jeff Jarvis (BuzzMachine.com) called in and said that this is bringing out all of his enemies. He said that the PTC (Parents Television Council) is saying that they want FOX to say that they're not going to hire Howard Stern. Jeff had the statement there so he read it to Howard. They were saying that they hope that FOX isn't serious about hiring Howard Stern for that show. They think that it would spell immediate death for the show if they hired Howard Stern.
Howard said the PTC used to try to get him off the radio but they're just a phony baloney organization. Howard asked Jeff about what he thinks about him being on Idol. Jeff said it's really tempting and he thinks it's the only thing that would keep the show alive. Howard said he's not even that interested in it. Robin asked where Ellen's sense of humor is. Howard said he's heard that she's a tyrant and an ogre and she's miserable. He said that's what he's heard from people before and now she's proving it.
Jeff said they're going to regret hiring Ellen for the show. Howard said he hopes he doesn't go to the show and the whole thing tanks. He said he can't wait for that to happen.
Howard let Jeff go and let him get in a plug for his web site. Howard told Gary to bookmark that site so he can check it out later.
Howard played some audio of Ellen on her show talking about what happened with her dog when she tried to give it to another family. She was crying over it on her show. Howard said she's a phony and she's trying to piss on his parade with her comments about American Idol.
Howard said that this story Ellen is telling is a bullshit story. Ellen was crying and telling her audience about what had gone down when she adopted a dog and gave it to this other family. Ellen claims she loves animals and she's found many animals new homes. Howard pointed out that she adopts dogs and then gives them to other families because she's not a good dog owner.
Ellen was talking about how she gave up this dog she had adopted to another family that was looking for another dog. Howard pointed out what a lunatic this woman is. He said that she adopts dogs and gives them away. He said that she should have bonded with the dog and not the other family.
Howard would play a few seconds of the clip and rip Ellen apart. Howard said she's a bona fide nut. He said that's what they should put in the paper.
Howard said they need to calm her the fuck down. He said she should act like an adult and stop adopting dogs and give them away. Howard said she will probably whine and cry if she doesn't get her way on Idol too. He said she should shut the fuck up. He said she'd be lucky if he saved that show.
Howard said she gave that dog away after just a few days. He said he'd like to know what really happened there. He said you don't adopt a dog and give it away a few days later. He said the audience was probably silent in the clip because they all got up and walked out on her. Howard said Ellen should hope that she doesn't run into him. He said he's going to give her a piece of his mind if he does run into her. He said he'll tell her to leave the animals alone.
Howard said that audience is probably wondering what she's doing on her show. They came to be entertained and Ellen is crying over this dog.
Howard played a news report where they were talking about Kara DioGuardi's comments about him. Howard said she's a freak too. He said she's a horny little freak. He said she'll see a real man when he goes on that show. Howard said she's never been around a real man. He said she's used to being around those Hollywood types like Ryan Seacrest.
Howard said he's going to do the show just to get Ellen to quit. Howard played more of the audio of the news report and they were saying that Jamie Foxx would be a good replacement. Howard said they'll just have to wait and see what the ratings would be like.
Gary told Howard Jason found a news report about the dog thing and the person who took the most crap in that story was the woman who gave the dog to Ellen. She claims that Ellen's people were threatening her with a law suit. She's a non-profit organization and they were threatening to sue over that.
Howard said that Ellen is like a Mafia type. He did his Godfather impression and said that even he let people work. Ellen is trying to stop him from getting a job. Howard did more of the Godfather thing where he was denying himself work as if he were Ellen.
Howard said he can't wait for that show to tank without Simon. He said that he wrote a song that Mark McGrath performed with Sugar Ray. He had Fred play that song. Fred played a version that had Mark McGrath explaining how they put their album out with that song on it. Howard told him to play just the song. Fred played the version that they did live on the show many years ago. Howard cut that one off too.
Howard said he ended up watching a 2 hour Smallville last night. He said he liked it. Robin said she can't watch that show anymore. Howard said she doesn't have the intellect that he does. He said he was watching the Vampire Diaries too. Robin said she bailed on that one pretty quick. Howard said he's close to bailing out on it too.
Howard had some clips from The View where Sherri Sheppard was talking about him. He said she contradicts herself in one sentence. He said she says he wouldn't be good on the show but then says he would be good. In the clip Sherri was saying that Howard Stern has the meanness but not the technical talents that Simon Cowell has. Sherri then said that Howard Stern would be okay on that show.
Howard wondered why she changed her view on him. He said she's wild. He said someone must have pulled her aside and warned her about being on his bad side. He'd like to know who got a hold of her. He said maybe someone asked her if she wanted him brining up how she thinks the Earth is flat all the time.
Howard asked JD if he had anything else he should play. JD told Howard about a clip where KC from KC and the Sunshine Band was worked up over the American Idol thing. Howard said KC weighed in on that. He played the clip and KC was saying that he doesn't think that Ellen might not be a good judge on the show and they need people who know music. The host asked about Howard Stern being on the show. KC said it was going to be tough to fill Simon's shoes. He said that if anyone would be like Simon it might be Howard. Howard said he knows one thing and said that KC's music sucks.
JD said there was also a Wendy Williams clip to play. Howard said he'd play that one and then get to Benicio Del Toro. Howard told Robin she needs a guy like him. Robin said she does need to be part of a power couple. Howard said that when he gets there she should rub her breasts with ice so her nipples get hard.
Howard played the Wendy Williams clip. In that clip Wendy said that she would watch the show if Howard was on American Idol. She said that she read that Ellen isn't in favor of that and she wants the Idol people to find someone else and quickly. Howard said he hopes Ellen does leave the show. He said she's just a fuck.
Howard played the rest of the Wendy clip and she was telling Howard she loves him and she was quoting some stuff he had said about doing the show and hoping he'd get paid that $100 million that was rumored. Wendy was also saying she'd be good on Idol because she has a musical background. She asked the audience for their opinion and one guy was saying that Howard can't sing so he can't judge other singers. Wendy said Ellen doesn't either. Howard said that guy is like gay times 10. He said gay guys look at him and say ''ugh.'' The guy was also saying that Howard's look isn't very good.
Howard asked what the gay guy looked like. JD said that guy had very processed hair and her audience is always full of queens. Howard said he had a million of these clips. He said he had to move on to talk to Benicio. He just flew in and got there this morning because of the delays. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that was the late, great Warren Zevon in that song. He said he saw him fall off stage one time. He said the guy got right back up and started playing again.
Howard said that Benicio Del Toro is a great actor. He said he was on his way in. Robin said ''there he is!'' when she saw him coming in.
Howard said Benicio was looking thin. He said he looks like he's lost some weight. He said he saw the movie ''The Wolfman'' and it was great. He said they all loved it. Howard asked Benicio if he fucked Emily Blunt on the set. Benicio said they just worked together. He said he used to do that kind of thing on set.
Howard asked Benicio if he was naked in front of that Emily Blunt. Benicio said that he was in the costume in front of her. Howard asked how long it took to get into that costume. He said it was a four hour process and Rick Baker did the costume.
Howard said he loves the stuff they're doing with movies like this. He said they didn't treat it like a joke. He said he felt that Benicio was tortured by the curse in the movie. He said he loved the Lon Chaney stuff when he was a kid.
Howard asked Benicio about being a producer on the film. Benicio said he was one of them. He said he read the drafts of the scripts and it took maybe 2 and a half years to develop. Howard said it's hard to make a movie like that and do it really well. He said it takes time to do something that good. Benicio said it was a remake of the original but they kept working on it and they did a great job.
Howard told Benicio that Robin has a crush on him and asked what that means to him. Benicio said she's the coolest girl on radio. Howard told her that he could feel her boobs if she sits on his lap. Howard asked if he's ever had a black woman before. Benicio said he had. Howard told him that she wants to do it wolfie style with him. Robin told him to stop it.
Howard read about this director that worked with Benicio on ''Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.'' He read that Benicio was very needy on the set of the movie and he wanted a lot of attention. The director, Terry Gilliam, was the one saying that stuff. Benicio said that was the first he was hearing of it.
Howard asked why he had that reputation. Benicio said that was the old days. He said that's when he was a little wolf boy.
Howard said Benicio was in Pee Wee's Big Adventure and he played a wolf boy in the movie. Benicio said that he's been typecast. He said the Pee Wee thing was his first acting gig. Howard asked if he ever went out and masturbated with Pee Wee. Benicio said that guy was a really cool dude. He said that whole theater thing was bull.
Howard asked how old he was when he did that movie. Benicio said he was 19 or 20. Howard asked how he landed that part. Benicio said he auditioned for the TV show but didn't get it. Then the movie came out and he was called in to do it. He said Pee Wee's show was a classic. Howard said it must be tough to be rejected from the TV show though. Benicio said it wasn't a big deal at the time. He said that's what comes with acting.
Benicio told Howard that 6 months after the Pee Wee thing he almost got a job in a James Bond movie but that didn't get him a lot of parts. He said that was for ''License to Kill.'' He said he figured he was in after getting that gig. He said he got paid about $60-80,000 to do that one. He did some TV shows and stuff too to make a living. He said he lived in a small apartment while all of that was going on.
Howard asked Benicio if it was true that he was wearing the Wolfman teeth all day long. Benicio said that he doesn't make people call him by his character's name or anything like that on the set. Howard said it's fine if he does. Benicio said he cares about the films he does. He said he really cared about this one. Howard said people are going to love this one. He said he loved it.
Benicio said they just had the premiere in L.A. and it's rated R. He said it must be because of the violence. Howard said that Wolfman kills everyone so he can see that. Benicio said they had some kids come in who were like 11 or 12 and they said they really liked the movie. One of the kids said it was one of the most realistic movies he had ever seen. Howard said that's because they had Rick Baker do the make up.
Howard asked Benicio if they had a stunt double doing the stunts. Benicio said they did have a double for him. Howard asked about a scene where he was being held as if he were mentally ill and then the full moon comes up.
Howard asked what kind of deal he had to do the movie. He said his quote must have gone up a lot after he won the academy award. He said it did go up a bit. Howard asked who he thanked in his acceptance speech. Benicio said that he thanked the people where they shot the movie. He said that he remembers just sitting around without a trailer and he remembers how helpful people were in the towns.
Howard asked what he's getting for a film these days. Benicio didn't want to say. He said he's not making more than $7 million though. Howard asked if he was in the ball park with $5 million. Benicio said that was in the ball park.
Howard told Benicio he should have given himself a good deal for that movie. Benicio said he doesn't get a percentage of the profits on this one. Then he said he really doesn't know how it works. He said the back end is probably going to be whatever it is that SAG does. He said he may get a big deal if they do a sequel even though he died in this movie.
Howard said he can't believe he didn't get a good deal in this movie. He asked if he has representation. Benicio said he'll work on that. He said there are limitations to this and you can't get a deal like that the first time out.
Howard said he was reading about how Benicio lost his mother as a kid and that's what happened to the character in the movie. Benicio said that the movie isn't his biography or anything. Benicio said his mother died from hepatitis. He said they think she got it from some needles from some B12 shots she had. He said they used to boil the needles back then and she may have been infected from that. He said they gave her just 2 years to live and she lasted 10.
Howard said he lost his aunt to hepatitis. He said that was when he was in high school. Benicio said he was just 9 when his mom died. Howard said that must have traumatized him. Benicio said that's how it happened and he's not sure if it did or not. He said they all knew it was coming. He said it must have been tough for his dad.
Howard read that Benicio's father was an ogre. Benicio said he was strict but not an ogre. Howard said he read that Benicio's father called him gay when he said he wanted to be an actor. Benicio laughed at that. He said his father never called him a fag. Howard said his father wanted him to be a lawyer. Benicio said that's what all parents want.
Howard said he can picture Benicio with a 10 inch penis that's wide. He said that Robin is 10 times better than Emily Blunt would ever be. Benicio got a laugh out of that. Fred threw in some porn clips where a woman was howling like a dog which made him laugh even more.
Howard asked Benicio if he did Emily Blunt while he was in costume. Benicio asked him to stop with that. He said he never did anything to her.
Howard asked Benicio about who he's dating and what's going on with that. Benicio said he is dating but he's not talking about who it is. Howard said when you're with a chick and you bang her after a couple of weeks, you don't do other women. Benicio agreed with him but he didn't sound like he was really behind what he was saying.
Howard told Benicio he should move on to other women if he's not that into the chick he's with. He said that he shouldn't lead them on. Benicio said you have to be moved by the girl. He said if it doesn't happen then what do you do. Howard said you move on. Howard asked Robin if she would let Benicio do her for just one night. Robin said she's not looking for that.
Howard told Benicio to stick with the Wolfman thing and just drag it out all he can. He said he could do Wolfman vs. Mike Tyson and he'd watch it. He said he doesn't have to keep doing other things.
Howard said he's going to predict that this movie is going to come in at number 1 this weekend. Benicio said the only problem is that it's rated R. Howard said that shouldn't be an issue. He said kids will sneak into the movie.
Howard read a quote from Benicio where he talked about how he has to calm down with women. He read the quote and Benicio said the problem is that he can do his own thing. Benicio said that someone else must have written that. Howard said it was a direct quote. Benicio told him to get it on audio. He said he doesn't think he ever said that.
Howard asked Benicio what his game plan is. Benicio told him to collaborate with him. He said he was going to do a movie with Scorsese but that got pushed out. He said the Three Stooges thing is still alive but they don't have a date for that.
Howard asked Benicio if he can really play Moe. He said he hasn't worked on it. Howard told him he thinks that they're the greatest. He said he read that it was going to be Jim Carrey as Curly and Benicio as Moe. He said that he's not sure that Jim will commit to gaining the weight for the part. Benicio said he hasn't spoken to him about it. Robin asked who was going to play Larry Fine. It was going to be Sean Penn. Benicio said he thinks that's a good cast. He said that he knows it won't be like the original. He said that his movie wasn't as good as the original. Howard said he has to think it's better. Benicio said he really doesn't.
Howard told Benicio that he would have kicked his ass out of there today if he had screwed up the movie. Robin said that she actually fell in love with the character in the movie.
Howard asked how you do a Three Stooges movie. Benicio said that it was going to be a remake of some of their short movies. He said he didn't have exact answers for what it would be about. He said that he would be his own Moe and not be doing an impression of the real Moe. Howard said he just has to have the essence of Moe.
Gary came in and said that Benicio had to go. He said that they gave them 10 extra minutes. Gary said that he had to go somewhere else. Howard said he has the next movie idea... Wolfman vs. The Three Stooges.
Benicio said he heard about Artie and he was sorry about that. Howard was thrown off by that and said that Artie is a good man. He said they really hit it off in there when he was in last.
Howard wrapped up with Benicio and asked if he went and watched actual wolves to prepare for the movie. Benicio said he watched his dogs instead. They wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that John Mayer is actually in the news. He read an article about how he had to apologize for using the N-word. Howard said that John is more known for the women he fucks than even his music. Howard said he hasn't written many hit songs. Robin said he has had a few.
Howard read the article about Mayer's comment where he used the N-word. Howard said John Mayer droned on for like 2 and a half minutes apologizing for the comment. Howard said he's not going to play all of it but he did play some of it. He said Mayer was holding the hands of all of the black people in his band while he was apologizing.
Howard said that went on for 3 minutes. He wasn't sure that it was an apology either. He said it was more like he was trying to save his ass. He played a couple of minutes of that apology where music as playing behind him as he did it. He broke down crying during that. Howard said that went on and on and on.
Howard said that Mayer was also talking about Jessica Simpson and how she was like ''sexual napalm.'' Howard said that he figured she was and thought that she'd be great in bed. He said that she probably blew his mind.
Gary said he said some stuff about Jennifer Aniston too. He was saying that Jennifer wants it to be 1998 and she doesn't know anything about social networking and thought that was getting in the way of their relationship. Howard said he would love to interview that guy.
In the call Bill says things about liking a big ass and things about his penis in Spanish. Then he says he has a weed eater and some dirty PJs that were stained with pee and cum. Then the guy hung up so they had to call back. They had Bill asking for Chocha. Bill was offering up his services to come and spank people's children. They hung up on him again.
They had Bill call back and call the guy a fag and other things in Spanish. The host hung up on him over and over again. The guy threatened to turn him into the authorities. He said he was going to bust the guy's chops if he kept calling in. The guy said he wasn't going to take more calls but he took one last one and Bill said he wanted some Vaseline to put on the tip of his dick. The guy said they were done with him after that. Then they read some email and they were wishing people like ''Jack Hoff'' a happy birthday. They read that the birthday wish was from Howard, Robin, Fred and Benjy.
Howard said he liked how the guy said he was going to bust the guy's chops. He said the guy also wanted him to come down to the station. Howard said that was kind of odd.
Howard said he wants to get Robin someone like Benicio or John Mayer. Robin said she's fine without either of them. Howard said that Benicio is a very manly man. Robin wondered if he goes to Super Bowl parties. Howard said he doesn't seem like the type to do that. He said that guys like that watch football on their own.
Howard said he thinks that Jimi Hendrix was one of the greatest guitar players of all time. He said they keep putting out music that these guys who died never put out. He said that Jimi put out what he wanted to put out and maybe this new stuff wasn't something he wanted put out. Robin said that anything that Picasso touched is something everyone wants to see. Howard said that maybe there are things that people shouldn't see and hear. He said that he doesn't want people listening to his very early tapes.
Howard said there are two new Jimi Hendrix songs and they're not horrible but the guy didn't want them released. Howard said that Jimi didn't want to teach anyone anything with these songs. One of them was ''Valley's of Neptune'' and he thought it was okay. He played the song and said that you edit yourself sometimes and Jimi did that. Now his family is releasing everything.
Howard played another song that Jimi did called ''Bleeding Heart.'' Howard said it didn't have that sound that Jimi had on his albums. Robin said it sounds unfinished. Howard said that's it exactly.
Howard said that when he was in school they had some ''soul food'' on the menu and the food was crap. He said that even the black kids didn't want it. Howard said that they served fried chicken instead because the food was so bad. He said that no one ever said that serving fried chicken was racist back then. Howard said now they're upset about this thing at NBC. He said it's a good thing it was a black chef or else there would be riots in the streets.
Howard had audio of the chef talking about how she came up with the menu and said that it was something that she enjoys eating. It turns out she was an assistant cook and not the chef there at NBC. Robin said she didn't know they had a chef. Howard said he found a staple in his salad over there once when they were working there.
Howard played some audio of Sal going to Harlem to ask people if they think that there should be a White History Month. Most of the people were saying that every other month is already White History Month.
Robin told a story about going shopping one time and a woman told her that they had a fried chicken special going on that day like she'd be interested. Howard wondered if it's racist to invite a black person to your home, serve them fried chicken and everyone else fish. Robin said she thinks it would be racist.
Howard ended up talking to Robin some more about this Benicio thing. She was saying that she really was upset that she wasn't going to be with her. Gary said he was in a rush to get out of there today. They said maybe he'll circle back around. Robin knew that wasn't going to happen. They had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and had Mike Walker on the phone to play his Gossip Game. Mike asked Howard what he thought of Ellen on American Idol. Howard said that the part they're in now is edited and they've obviously edited to show more of Ellen than anyone else. He said that she came off fine. He said they're trying to force her into the leader role though. He said the real evaluation will be when she's the actual judge on the show.
Howard told Mike about Ellen's comments about him where she threatened to leave the show if he's hired. Howard said that he's never once tried to prevent someone from getting work. He said that's what she's doing to him and she's a complete loon and a scumbag. Howard said she's not a nice person. He said he's heard that she's a horror show to work with. Mike said he's heard that too. He said he's never heard that about Howard though.
Mike said that Howard has never given him one story but he would love a hint about what's going on with this American Idol thing. He said he wants a call from Howard if he gets the job. Howard said that if he's not allowed to confide in him then he can't talk. Mike said that he just wants to be in the know. He said he doesn't actually watch that show but a lot of his staff do.
Howard said he's going to tell Mike that he's having sex with Riley Hunter and he's the actual father of the baby, not John Edwards. Mike said they deny every story they come out with about that guy. Howard said they really deserve the Pulitzer for those stories. Mike said they're bombing them on a technicality.
Howard had Mike get to his game so here's how it goes. Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Howard had Jeff on the phone and asked how he figured out he had a stroke. Jeff said he drank a lot on Sunday and he felt sick when he got home. He said he thoght it was the food he ate. Jeff said he thought he was goign to throw up so he got up and puked. He said he forced himself to throw up and went to bed. The next morning he woke up and said he didn't look right. Howard asekd how he can tell. Jeff said he looked a little fucked up and thought he was still drunk.
Jeff said yesterday he smiled and the right side was the only one that wnet up. The whole left side didn't move. Jeff said he cna't even drink properly. He said he went to the hospital and it could be one of three things. He said it could be Bells Palsy or Lyme Disease or non-sexual herpes. Jeff said he thinsk that it's Bells Palsy. He said he's never heard of non-sexual herpes.
Howar said it could be a fourth thing which is that he's just a disgusting drunk. Jeff said he should find out on Monday morning what he hsa. He said he'll know by 9:05 on Monday morning. Howard said maybe they should be on this. Robin said that she thinks it's probably not a stroke. Jeff told Howard to have a good vacation next week. Howard wished him luck with whatever it is he has.
Gary said that there's another weird thing going on with Jeff. He's throwing a benefit show for his sister but he just has a date and a place. Gary said they asked if he needed anything for the benefit and he just keeps saying ''It's a benefit!'' but won't say what they're doing. Jeff said they're raffling off tickets for this event and it's for his sister.
Howard said that it's weird knowing these people for years and wondering what the outcome of their lives are going to be. He said that they met Jeff many years ago. Robin said it was during the K-Rock years.
Howard said you can't throw things at people in the halls there. Robin said she's worried about the people in the studio now.
Steve said they have a story about Captain Janks' latest prank call and how it was covered by some web site. Steve said that he also has a story about a guy who wants to punch Janks in the face over losing his job because of what Janks did to a club he worked at.
Steve said that they have a new special coming up next week called Laughing with the Stars while Howard is on vacation.
Howard said he can't believe he has to deal with this shit going on in the hall. He said Ronnie knows better than that. Robin said Ronnie seems to be losing it.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview after that. He ran down his list of subjects for today's show. He mentioned Ronnie and his issues with Jason. That led to Ronnie coming into the studio and saying he wanted to finish it there on the air. Ronnie said that he wants to talk to both of them off the air, not just him. Ronnie said he's not talking about it if he doesn't talk to Jason too.
Ronnie said that Jason is out there talking about him and he's pissed. He said that it's not right that Jason is talking about him. Ronnie said he doesn't even know what Jason was saying about him but he keeps hearing his name. Ronnie said he's sitting in Scott's studio hearing this shit and he's not going to put up with it.
Howard told Ronnie he's a security guy and he can't be throwing stuff at people. Ronnie said he has been nothing but nice to this guy and that's the way he treats him. Howard said he can't work in this environment if he can't stand to hear his name. He told Ronnie to calm down.
Jason came in and said that Ross asked him what went on this morning and he told him what happened. Howard asked why Ross is back there. He said that it's not Pee Wee's Fun House and people shouldn't be back there.
Gary told Howard that Ross was there for Benicio for some sales stuff. Howard asked what the function was there. Gary said they were talking about some promotions they have going on. He said Ross didn't need to be back there the whole time he was there though. Howard said it's like one big shtick there.
Jason said that Ronnie asked him why he was talking about him when he was talking to Ross and he ended up sticking his tongue out at him and Ronnie charged him. Howard thanked the guys for giving him all of this shit to deal with. Howard said he's supposed to be the crazy one and now he has to talk to them about this nonsense.
Howard said that people are out there trying to be characters for the radio and it's getting out of hand. He said that Ronnie likes to mix it up with the guys but when they give it back to him he can't take it. Robin said she has noticed that too.
Robin said that they have taken the Ronnie Standee and put it at the door with cookies in his hand. Howard said that's no big deal and he should be able to handle that kind of stuff. Howard said he has to go and deal with this crap now. He's going to do it off the air though. He said it's like high school there. He said he blames himself but he didn't want to say why.
Howard said Ronnie is no longer allowed on any shows on the air. He said Ronnie can't handle it. He said that it's turning him crazy and his persona isn't attractive to him. He said it's out of hand now. He said he has to be the big daddy there now. Howard said these guys are supposed to make his life easier but they're making it harder.
Jon tried to finish up his Wrap Up Show preview and Howard interrupted and went off on everyone treating him the way they do. He said he's trying to work and give them jobs and this is the kind of crap they're fighting over. Howard said he can't wait to go to American Idol. He said he's not going to throw a garbage pail at Ellen if she doesn't like him. He said he might give it back to her verbally but he won't throw anything at her.
Howard had Mutt from Superfan Roundtable on the phone to talk about what they'll be discussing this week. Mutt said that they'll be talking about Ronnie's behavior, Jackie's visit to the show, Sour Shoes asking to come work the phones and more. The show is on tonight at 7 on Howard 101. They went to break after that.
Howard said you have to see if you have sexual chemistry when you're going to be with a woman. He said these kind of marriages just don't work. Fred showed up but he hadn't heard the story. Robin filled him in on a few details and Fred did his Herman Munster impression as if he were that woman with the beard.
Robin read a story about a guy who was pulled over for having a noisy car. They brought a police dog to sniff the car and the guy was yelling commands at the dog and the dog was listening. He was arrested for interfering with the dog's work. Howard said that would be great to be able to tell a dog to do that when the dog is chasing you.
Robin read a story about how people who have lower IQs have more of a chance of having heart problems. She read the details of that study that was done in England. Fred threw in some Crackhead Bob clips while they were talking about that.
Robin read that Alec Baldwin was rushed to the hospital last night. His daughter called and said that her father had threatened to take pills when they got into an argument. Howard said that guy needs to get help and he should go see a shrink. He said he shouldn't be arguing that much with his kids. Robin said it seems that he's the kid in that relationship.
Howard said he used to think he knew everything. Robin confirmed that. Howard went on to say that he finally got help and found out that he doesn't know everything. Howard said that he finds it hysterical that people go to like one session and say they're cured. Howard said Alec Baldwin can afford to go to therapy and he really should give it a try. He said he's really not saying this just to be funny. He thinks that Alec needs to find a good psychiatrist and get serious help. Howard said he has to want to get help though.
Howard said Alec is a good guy and a fun guy. He said people like him and he's talented. Robin said it appears the only thing you can't do is live with him. Howard said that's what it looks like. Robin said he can't keep having these things coming out about him and his daughter. Howard said he hopes he's getting some help.
Robin read that one of Tiger Woods' mistresses, Rachel Uchitel, has a job on Extra now. Robin said that this isn't going to go away for Tiger's wife. She won't even be able to turn on the TV without seeing Tiger's mistresses. Howard said there's something wrong with that Elin for staying with Tiger. He said that she should be out of that marriage already. Howard said Tiger is whacked out of his skull and he's fucked 17 women behind his wife's back.
Robin read that Paul Anka and his wife are breaking up. She said that Paul is claiming that she was a gold digger and all she wanted was his money. Robin said the wife is claiming that she fears for her life because she claims he pulled a gun on her.
Robin read a story about John Edwards having proposed to his mistress according to the National Enquirer. Howard said they should lock that guy and Tiger Woods in a cage together.
Robin read a story about Josh Duhammel possibly being the father of a stripper. Josh is married to Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas. Howard said she must be great in bed too. He said that he imagines that she has sex and it's like a work out for her. He said that she was a meth addict for a while and you know she's got to be fun. Fred played their ''Boom Boom Pow'' song and threw in some Tracy Morgan noises.
JD came in and said he read an article about Fergie and how she had gone to therapy and found out that she likes to be monogamous so that's why she's married. Howard had no idea what JD was talking about so he gave up on trying to figure it out.
Robin read more details about this stripper who claims that it was Josh Duhammel's baby. Robin said the stripper says that she's 95 percent sure it's his baby.
Howard said Benjy wants her now. He said that Benjy would say he doesn't want to marry her though. He and Fred did their impressions of Benjy talking to her. They gave her the wacky relationship theories that Benjy has talked about on the air.
Robin read a story about Nancy Kerrigan's brother and how they're calling their father's death a homicide. Howard said that the guy was 40 and living at home. He said that's the first guy he'd question if he was on the police force.
Robin read a story about how the Michelle Obama is trying to end child obesity in the country with a new program. Howard said that he would much rather be the first lady than the President. He said that's why women live longer than men. He said Michelle gets to take on things that everyone loves. He said no one is going to argue with her about child obesity.
Robin read some news about some new plans for getting healthier foods into super markets in big cities. Howard ended up going off on the soda companies and on the Doritos company. He said they spent millions of dollars as the sponsor of the Super Bowl. He said that stuff isn't even real food. He also read that McDonald's is the official sponsor of the Winter Olympics. He said no one becomes an Olympic athlete eating McDonald's food.
Robin read some news about a man in Ohio who was accused of tattooing a baby's rear end. Robin said it was the letter A on her rear end. Howard said that's unbelievable. Robin said that it wasn't clear what the A was supposed to signify. Howard said maybe it was A for Ass. Or maybe he was starting her off with the alphabet.
Robin read some news about Rod Blagojevich and had some audio clips of him talking about how he wants these tapes to be played in court. Rod was demanding that they play all of the tapes they have of him.
Robin read about Sarah Palin and how the women on The View are defending her. Elisabeth Hasselback was defending her saying that she's not even a politician and she's posing a major threat to the White House so that's why everyone is attacking her.
Howard said that Sarah Palin is a complete horses ass and she's the worst thing for American politics. He said that she's anti-intellectual. He said she puts the President down for being too smart. Howard said she seems to want every President to be a bumbling idiot like the last one. He said she could admit that this guy knows how to form a sentence and complete a thought.
Robin had a story about the economy and how it's the African American community that's suffering the most according to some. She had some audio of a guy talking about how the recession has impacted the urban communities.
Robin had some news about the snow storm they got that didn't quite turn into a blizzard like they predicted.
Robin read some news about the don't ask don't tell policy and how most people are against it according to a poll that was taken.
Robin had audio of one of the guys from The Wolfman talking about working with Benicio Del Toro in the movie.
Robin had a story about a woman in Hong Kong who died when another person fell on her from a high rise building. The woman who fell had slipped when she was taking in her laundry. Howard said that he's been telling people not to jump from buildings because they can kill other people. Robin said this one was an accident but she did kill the woman she fell on. Robin wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 10:55am.
Jon said he wanted to start off with Benicio Del Toro. Gary said that they were originally supposed to fly out at 3 yesterday but he ended up on a 9 o'clock flight and he came right in there after going to the hotel. He said that he was surprised he made it in this morning after the snow storm and all of that.
Jon and Gary talked about how good Benicio is on the show when he comes in. They were also talking about how Benicio wasn't going for Robin when Howard threw that out there for him.
Jon and Gary were also talking about Robin laughing at marriage. Gary said that he thinks that Robin may never get married at this age. He said the older you get the less you want to compromise and she may never find someone to marry.
Jon got back to Benicio and brought up some of the stuff they discussed in the interview today. Gary said some of the stuff was crazy. They talked about the 4 hours of make up and the teeth making it impossible for him to talk. Gary also brought up the stuff Terry Gilliam said about Benicio and what a pain in the ass he was to work with.
Gary said he heard that Val Kilmer was a pain in the ass to work with in that Doors movie. He said he apparently took on the character and treated everyone like crap on the movie.
Jon said Benicio had an interesting take on the Pee Wee story too and how he thought that the whole theater thing was blown out of proportion. Benjy said he agrees with him on that. He said it was an adult theater where they show porn so that's what people do there. He said it may not be legal to do that but when you go to a porn theater they know that there are going to be people there jerking off. Gary said that they may have targeted him but he was an entertainer that was doing a kid's show.
Gary said he has been to porn theaters like that when he was a kid. He said that he and his buddies would go and they were like 16 at the time. He said that they didn't have the internet back then. Benjy said he's been to some and he's seen women walking up and down the aisles so they could get paid to sit with the guys.
Jon and Gary talked about the Three Stooges movie Benicio is supposed to be in. Gary said that it could end up being awful. Gary said he thinks that this is supposed to be a biopic. He said that he heard that Curly was a good looking guy who had to shave his head and wear clothes that were too tight for him to look the way he did on the show.
Gary said he's not sure what's going on with Ronnie but there may be a larger issue there. Gary said the time Howard goofed on him about his father being an ice cream man he was already in a bad mood. He said that the whole day was bad and he reacted the wrong way to Howard. He said it wasn't about Howard that day for him, it was about all of the other shit going on in his life. He said that might be what's going on with Ronnie.
Jon asked why it's Jason that drives Ronnie nuts. Gary said it's because it's Jason. He said he had taken Ronnie into the green room to try and calm him down and Ronnie went off on Jason in there. Gary said that he was trying to tell him that he was upset with Jason over cookies. He said he didn't want him to have trouble over something silly like that.
Jon asked Will about how he taunts Ronnie. Will said that Jason rubs people the wrong way and he thinks that Jason likes that. Will said he knew he should lay off Ronnie today but Jason doesn't care. He said that he'll keep needling people. Jon said that Jason does gloat about it when he gets under your skin. Will said he's pretty sure there's not anyone there who Jason hasn't gotten under their skin.
Benjy said that Ronnie's mom just died a couple of months ago so that could be part of it. He said he was also in his street clothes today and maybe that's why he's going all the way and throwing something at someone.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he's waiting for an apology from Ronnie. He said that Artie had to apologize for what he did when he threw something. Will said he thought Ronnie would apologize but he never did and he's still blaming Jason.
Benjy said Howard did go out and talk to Ronnie during the break after that. He said it has to be a serious issue there.
Will described what Ronnie did to Jason when he threw the garbage can at him. He said he grabbed Jason's shoulder and picked up a can and threw it at him. He was right next to him so he wasn't throwing it at him to take his head off though. That all came about when Ronnie overheard Jason talking about him to Ross.
Will said that Ronnie is supposed to be one of the responsible guys around there and it's just wrong that he did something like that. He said that you kind of expect it from Artie when he does something like that. Gary said that you can never predict what is going to set someone off. Gary said that someone said that Ronnie had ''crazy eyes'' today. He said that he has had to stop himself from beating Sal up when he gets on his nerves.
Jon took a call from another guy who said that Jason sounds like an immature douche bag second only to Benjy. He said that Jason pushed Ronnie to do what he did. He said Ronnie has to control himself though. The guy said it did make for good radio.
Gary said that both guys have a side in the whole thing. He asked Will what he thinks. Will said that it was an easy opening to bust Ronnie's balls over the cookie thing. Will said at the end of the day he really doesn't care. Jon said that the cookies have become irrelevant at this point. It's become much more than just the cookies.
Another caller said that Jason is really annoying on the shows. He said he's an attention whore and he has to get in on everything. The guy said that Jason just wants to be on the radio and he's giving Jews a bad name. Gary said that the Judaism thing has nothing to do with it. Gary said there was another incident with Scott DePace too because he wanted to punch Jason over something.
Jared Fox came in and told the guys that he doesn't need those cookies that Ronnie was giving him. He said that Ronnie was just being a friend and putting some cookies to the side for him. He said that Jason starting shit over that wasn't cool. He said that they bust balls there but that wasn't right. Jon and Gary said that Jason was just busting balls like everyone else does. Jared said that Jason takes a bunch of cookies for himself there too. He said he shoves a lot down his gullet and no one complains about that.
Scott DePace came in and said that Jason has that smug cackle of his and it makes you want to punch him in the face. Scott said that Jason wasn't talking to him for a while and now that they're back to talking, Jason is back to being a jerk off again. Scott said he'll throw out stuff and laugh in a way that makes you feel like an idiot.
Gary said that he and Scott have conversations and get disgusted with each other. He asked why he doesn't get as irritated with him. Scott said it's that grin and that fat face of Jason's that he just can't take.
Will said that he and Jason are friendly now but Jason takes on this tact when he argues where he has to win at any cost. He said that from day to day everything is fine. He said it's when he argues that it becomes a problem.
Jon said that he never feels he's belittling him but he does gloat about things when he thinks he's right. Gary said that Stuttering John was like this in many ways. Scott said he thinks he learned a lot of this from John when he was there. Scott said he thinks that Jason needs to get his prescription adjusted. He said he has this confidence that he really shouldn't have. He said you just want to tell the guy to shut the fuck up. Gary asked if it's because he thinks of him as a nerd or something. Scott said it's not even that.
Gary said that no one can pinpoint what the issue is with Jason. Steve Brandano said that you can see that Jason gets off on pissing people off. He said that he's like the kid in school standing next to the principal who taunts the other kids and you can't beat him up because he's standing next to the principal. He said Howard is the principal in that story. He said that he might deserve a punch in the face.
Jared said that Jason doesn't seem to get that people are going to get upset with him and he doesn't know the boundaries. Jared said he was giving a tour to some clients and Jason snapped in front of the interns and the clients and he didn't think about that. He said that Jason thinks he's never wrong and he thinks he's never going to get punished for it.
Jon said that story Jared told is similar to a story that Scott told to them last week. Jason showed up a short time later so Jon asked him about all of this. Jason said that he thinks that Jared might be a weasel in this whole thing.
Ronnie came in and said that he had apologized to Jason about throwing the garbage can at him. Jason said he did but he didn't accept it because he wasn't being sincere. He only apologized to him for throwing the can at him and nothing else.
Jon said he'd keep him on the show but Howard didn't want that. Ronnie took off so Jason got back to Jared and went off on him about what he was saying about him. Jared asked Jason why he wanted all of the cookies. Jason said he has three cookies and all he did was ask Ronnie why he was in charge of the cookies.
Jared said that Jason will bring this stuff up just to get Howard to talk about it. Gary said that Ronnie takes it all to heart and he's the one who is pushing it over the edge.
Jon was also backing up what Jason and Gary were saying. He defended him about some of that stuff but Jared said that Jason is trying to start more things there than they need to.
Jason said that Ronnie apologized to him but he didn't give him a real apology. He said that he wasn't sincere about the whole thing. Jared said that Jason is looking to keep it going by not accepting the apology. Jason said that Jared broke down crying when he apologized to someone one time. Jared told Jason he's a snake.
Jared said that he apologized to Steve Brandano about something that he was saying about him and he did that behind closed doors. Jared said he and Steve put that behind them and now Jason brought it out on the air. He said Jason will just sit there and cackle and he'll try to get under their skin. Jason said he did that because he was calling him a weasel on the air without him even in the room.
Jared said Jason didn't even see the crying he's talking about. Jason said that he heard Jared crying in the room with Steve and he didn't need to be in there to know he was crying. He said he balled like a baby in that meeting.
Jason said he thought Jared was his friend but obviously he's wrong. He said that he can't believe what he's saying and throwing him under the bus like that. Jared said that Jason has to put his nose into stuff where it doesn't belong. He said that Ronnie saving cookies isn't his business. Jason said that Will was even worse with Ronnie than he was. He asked Jared why he's not mad at Will.
Benjy said that he agrees that Jason is a weasel but shouldn't he be able to be that weasel without being worried about being hit. Jared said he thinks that Ronnie knows he got out of hand with that and that's why he apologized.
Will said that Jason kept pushing it with the Ronnie thing. Jason said that Ronnie came to his desk and yelled at him yesterday. He said that he fought back and he kept pushing because he saw that he was so upset. He said Ronnie could have walked away but he didn't. Will said that Jason could have put on his headphones and started working and Ronnie would have gone away. Jason agreed with that. They had to go to break after that.
Another caller said that he thinks that people are missing the point there. He said he's a big fan of the show and he knows Howard is listening. He said that there's a complete lack of respect there and Howard is creating that. The caller said that Ronnie was disrespectful to Howard and JD was laughing at him telling him to shut up and things like that. He said that Howard has no control over the staff and that's what creates all of this.
Jon said that maybe he's making a good point because Howard is letting it happen. Gary said that this place runs like any other office but this stuff ends up on the air. Gary said that sometimes this stuff festers and blows up on the air. He said if they run that place like the military then it's not going to be interesting. He said that if they were in the military then Jason and Ronnie wouldn't even be in the same level. Gary said that if this was another office then maybe the boss would come and say something to the guys.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that Jason does come off like he's better than everyone else and he doesn't need to make everyone else feel like maybe he did when he was younger. Gary said that's what they're trying to figure out. Gary gave that woman a prize from Shari's Berries since she mentioned it was her birthday.
Benjy asked the caller why they hate Jason for that but when Howard does the same thing, they don't hate Howard. She said that Howard is Howard and Jason is like a wannabe. She said that he's too cocky and his voice makes her skin crawl. She said he's got a pin head too but she kept saying she didn't want to be mean after every mean comment. The guys had to end the show a short time later.
Today's Best of the Week was over around 11:45am.