Last week Benjy came in at the end of the show and played the Jewish Shophar so Howard wanted him to play it again this morning. Benjy was late so Howard spent a couple of minutes trying to figure out why. He punished Benjy by telling him he can't come in and write with Jackie and Fred on the days he can't get there on time.
Howard spent a few minutes talking about the Jewish holiday Rosh Hashana and why he doesn't follow the wacky rules. He was also talking about not believing in God and how, if there is a God, he'll just explain to him that he just didn't buy into the whole religion thing when he dies. Everyone also discussed how much money they're supposed to donate to the church. Howard said he's donated so much to the Temple out by his old house that he must own a wing of the place. Everyone also spent some time talking about the tele-evangelists that prey on the dopey people of the world. Jackie said his mother sent money in to Billy Graham to get a personal prayer but she never heard her name mentioned. It was just a general prayer for all of the people who sent in money.
Fred's wife was on ''Sex and the City'' this week and Howard said that he admired the fact that Fred didn't ask for any plugs like Jackie would do if his wife was in the show. He spent a short time asking Fred about it. Howard was under the impression that Alison wasn't acting anymore but Fred said she does stuff every once in a while. He said she's also going to be in a movie called ''Requiem for a Dream''.
Jessica Hahn heard the religion talk going on so she called in to add to the conversation. She said that the reason her church was getting upset that she was going to come forward with her information was that they might lose their tax exempt status. They weren't worried about her being harassed by Jim Baker, just the fact that they might lose their tax exempt status. Howard also spoke to Jessica about how she doesn't have to work now that she has a rich boyfriend. When asked if she'd stay with the guy if he lost all of his money she swears that she would. Gary said that he'd love to put her boyfriend on the show but Jessica said he'd never do it. They don't live together and they live their own separate lives but the guy gets to bang her. It's a perfect set up for the guy. She doesn't cheat and she says he doesn't cheat on her. Jessica also revealed that she is an amazing piano player. She started playing for Howard and everyone thought she was just sitting at a player piano pretending to play but she swears that she can really play. She said that she can play if Howard sends out a camera crew to tape her. Howard, Robin and Gary were all amazed that she could play as well as she did.
Howard told everyone about a new game he came up with for his 7 year old daughter Ashley and her friend. He said he played a trivia game with them in the car. The bonus was that if they got a question correct they could say any curse word they wanted to without getting in trouble. He said his daughter knew the F-word but her friend was only up to the Asshole stage. Ashley's friend thought that ''Rip off'' was a curse word but Ashley had to tell her it wasn't. She corrected her by saying ''Fucking ripoff'' is a curse.
Howard said that she's good looking enough to be a professional model and asked her why she doesn't do it. She said she's actually working on it. She said that people told her that if she posed for Playboy that it would ruin her career. She did it just to prove them wrong and now she's doing magazine covers for European mags.
Howard also learned about another boyfriend she had who is semi-famous. Vin Diesel was her boyfriend for a couple of months but she said they're just friends now. Gary showed Howard a picture of the guy and he said he was better looking than he is.
Howard moved on to talk about sex with Summer. She said she lost her virginity at 16. She said she's single now so she uses a vibrator to pleasure herself. She wasn't sure what the name of the vibrator was because her sister gave it to her. She said she heard about one called the ''Pearl Rabbit'' that's supposed to be great though. Robin sounded interested in that one.
Howard asked her what she thinks about when she's using the vibrator. She said that she thinks about a scenario where she'd just forget about what the guy wants and he'd just concentrate on her. She told Howard that she prefers when a guy asks her what she likes so she'll enjoy the sex more. She also told Howard that she likes doggy style the best. Robin revealed that she enjoys the missionary position. Summer doesn't like her hair grabbed but Robin does. Howard said that it's tough for guys because all women are so different in what they like. Summer told him that's why he has to ask. He thinks that women think that guys are supposed to know what they're doing and they shouldn't ask.
Summer doesn't like ''ass play'' because she said some of her friends have had problems after doing that. She said she doesn't want to have to wear an adult diaper at the age of 25. Howard only spent 10 minutes with Summer and her friend before moving on to the Death Psychic.
Casey did Howard next. She had him give his last name and birth date. She said that she sees him being very old and bald... with no teeth, living in some kind of home with bars on the window. She said he'll choke on some kind of bread that he can't swallow. He'll be alone and dead in the year 2045.
Robin was up next. Casey said that she sees Robin panicking in an apartment building-like setting with smoke and fire in the room. Casey said she could see Robin running back and forth in a panic trying to get out of the place. This will happen in 22 years.
Jackie was up next. He gave his name and birth date and Casey said she could see a searing pain in Jackie's left arm.. a heart attack... a massive heart attack in 7 years. He'll be in a bar/restaurant according to Casey. That sounded pretty accurate to Howard and Robin. Casey also said that she could feel a toxicity in the Joke Man and that he's not a healthy guy. Howard told her she hit it right on the money.
Fred came up next even though Howard said he really didn't want to know. Casey said she sees Fred being hit by a bus on a busy street. She also said she sees him splattered on the street with people screaming around him.
Casey said that she wasn't on to plug anything and she can't handle anymore in her life than she's got now. No web site, no phone number. Howard told her she has a very sexy voice and started asking her questions. He found out she's in her late 30's. She's 5'4'' tall and weighs 105 pounds. She said people tell her she looks like Debra Winger. She said she's not beautiful like Courteney Cox but she's not hideous either.
Stuttering John came in to get his death reading. He gave his last name and the month and day of his birth date but forgot the year. Casey said to Howard that John's ''not very with it'' and then said that he is also very toxic like Jackie. She said that he will die of complications from diabetes in about 23 years. She sees him dying while in a diabetes induced coma. John said that's probably the way to go.
KC came in and asked Casey if it's possible to change your future. She said she's not sure about that but said he could try to lead a healthier life. Casey told Howard and Robin that she liked both of them but the rest of the people ''sound freaky'' to her.
Howard got off the phone and said that her wild death stories make them sound too fake. He said if she's going to make up stories she should make up uneventful stories.
Howard watched the ''Sexiest Bachelor'' show on Fox last night and said he laughed his ass off. He said that each guy was a bigger moron than the next. They were all idiots according to Howard and Robin. Gary said that the producers of the show wanted KC to go audition for the show but Gary wasn't sure what it was all about at the time. Howard also thinks that at least half of the guys were gay. Stuttering John claims that his wife told him he was just as good looking as the guys on the show. John just laughed along with everyone in the studio. Howard asked ''What is wrong with your wife?'' He also said that you know a woman loves you when she'll tell you that. John's got a big huge gut and even he can't believe his wife would say that. John said the guy who won had a lot of hair on his body.
Howard said he knows he should have been watching Monday Night Football but he couldn't stop watching the ''Sexiest Bachelor'' thing. Gary told him that they've all but shut Dennis Miller up on MNF now. Howard said he knew that would happen after his disastrous pre-season showing.
Howard had to say that he's found a new respect for Liz Smith the gossip columnist. He read an interview about her in Interview magazine and now thinks that he likes her. He decided not to read the article on the air because he didn't want to bore us.
Howard spent a few minutes talking about tonight's debates and how he's seriously thinking of changing his vote to George W. Bush if Joe Lieberman keeps supporting the likes of Lewis Farrakahn. Howard said that Bush should confront Gore about this subject first thing tonight. Howard says he can get behind Gore but Lieberman is showing some ''really disturbing behavior'' that may just change his vote.
Howard tried to figure out the whole Johnny Rebel thing he was playing yesterday. He read an article which claimed the songs were put out by this guy David Alan Coe and that they were available on his web site. Howard said they checked the guy's web site and he doesn't have them available there. The site actually says that they're trying to put a stop to the radio stations who are playing the songs. Howard was also trying to figure out if all of the songs were performed by the same guy. It sure didn't sound like it so Howard figures it's just a general name that they put out racist songs under. Howard played a few of the songs and they all sounded like different people singing. He said that he has to get an interview with this guy. Apparently he's a pretty big guy in the Country music business. He either wrote of co-wrote ''Take this Job and Shove It'' and a couple of other famous songs. Howard continued to play the songs saying that he can't believe what he's hearing.
Howard had a song parody that made it in after the song parody contest. It was to the tune of Jackie's ''Fools Gold'' and the lyrics went something like ''Jackie's Lookin Real Old''. He only played a short clip of it but it was pretty funny.
Gary brought in a song by that guy David Alan Coe called ''Willie, Waylon and Me'' which didn't sound like the same guy on the Johnny Rebel CD at first but when he started singing with the southern twang Howard said it sounds like him. This whole discussion led to Robin bringing up an episode of MTV's ''Real World'' where this black chick was out on a boat in New Orleans and the boat operator told everyone that they call this black bird a ''Ni**** bird''. That led to Fred doing a southern accent and demonstrating how the same guy might call everything Ni****-this N*****-that.
Howard played a clip of Dennis Miller rambling about nothing on last night's Monday Night Football broadcast. It didn't make any sense to anyone in the studio. Howard then played the 1-900-Dennis Miller commercial parody that he's played a few times in the past couple of weeks.
Howard read in a gossip column that some fans of his were planning on stealing his shoes while he ate at a Japanese restaurant. He'd mentioned yesterday how he'd gone to this restaurant and he had to take a booth where he had to sit on the floor with his shoes off. Then he read that some fans were going to steal his shoes. He said if he'd seen that happen he would have pressed charges. The article also said he was wearing ''half boots'' which made them sound kind of gay. Howard said they're construction boots, not half boots.
Howard got a phone call from a guy who saw the new Spike Lee movie ''Bamboozled'' yesterday. The guy said it was horrible but Lenny Kravitz and Stevie Wonder, yes the blind guy, both loved the movie so much they gave it a standing ovation. The caller refused to say how he got in to see the movie for some reason.
Howard kissed their asses a little bit telling them that they're kind of like Cream because they're a 3 piece band but they sound like they're a bigger band.
Howard brought up one show where the drummer, Trey, lit his drums on fire and accidentally caught himself on fire. The guys said that was part of the show but security was trying to put him out. They said that they had to fight with security to try and let him burn.
Howard also learned that both Billy and Trey are married which surprised him. Billy has been married since he was 22 but Trey just got married recently. Billy has 2 kids ages 2 and 5. Howard asked him if he's like the coolest dad on the block. Billy said that's kind of the way it is right now but he knows it'll change. Howard knows how that is because his kids think he's just a douche bag.
Howard said he saw these guys before they went on stage one time and they were masturbating and rolling around on the floor together like mental patients. He said he loves that they're that way.
Howard also asked them what they think about the whole Napster.com thing. They said they're sick of hearing about it and they don't care if people are trading their music as long as they're hearing it. Billy said he heard album sales are up so he's not worried about Napster taking away business.
Howard asked them what they thought about the popularity of their song ''Time of Your Life'' which was used on the final episode of ''Seinfeld'' as well as an episode of ''E.R.'' They said that they let Seinfeld use the song for free just to get the exposure. They also said they only get like 2 cents per play of the song so the popularity of it didn't make much of a difference to them.
The guys also said they're not living a lavish life with all of the money they're making. They all still live in Oakland, California which isn't that nice of an area according to Howard. Billy joked that Trey is living in a 5000 square foot trailer.
Green Day will be performing a free concert at Roseland in New York City tomorrow night and tickets are free to 92.3 Free Card holders. The guys told Howard that his band ''The Losers'' should open up for them. Howard said that would be cool. Robin said they could be ready by then no problem. Howard said they could do 2 songs to open up for the guys. We'll see if that actually happens.
Howard had the band perform their first song ''Minority'', which is off of their new album. Unfortunately the sound board was all f'd up and it was cutting out and coming in on only one channel for the first minute of the song. They fixed the problems by the time they got around to their second song. The delay was also hit during the song so part of it was cut out. Scott the Engineer was in the studio trying to ''fix'' things and they eventually got it done. The band then performed ''When I Come Around'' which sounded great. They spent a couple of minutes talking to Howard again. They're appearing on ''The Late Show with David Letterman'' tonight. Howard said that he wished he could play guitar and sing like Billy can do. He was wrapping things up when Billy asked if they could play one more song before they left. Howard wasn't going to say no to that. They then played ''Blood, Sex and Booze'' from the new album. Once again they sounded great. After the song Howard said that he's got to get in a band. Robin reminded him that he is in one..The Losers. He said he needs to get in a good band. Howard was out of time by now so he told the guys how much he likes them and went to a break.
They also brought up his antics at Doug Goodstein's bachelor party where he performed oral sex on some of the strippers. Benjy swears that he had a piece of plastic cookie wrapper between his tongue and the girls so no fluids were exchanged. Gary was right next to him and said there was no plastic in there. The argued over that for a couple of minutes until Howard decided to take Benjy's word for it.
Howard's buddy Ralph called in to add to the discussion about how disturbing Benjy's behavior is. He called Benjy a liar. He said he's lying about the plastic in his mouth and he's just really disgusting. Benjy kept asking Ralph if he's ever had a STD (sexually transmitted disease) over and over again, trying to change the subject. It didn't work. Everyone kept on Benjy's back about it.
The subject eventually changed to the ''Sexiest Bachelor'' show on Fox last night. Everyone goofed on the contestants and how dumb they all were.
Benjy's looks were brought up again and he was telling everyone how women stop him on the street to tell him how great his eyes are. No one believes him about that either. Howard had Anne Marie come in to tell him the truth. She's too nice of a person to bad mouth anyone though. She tried to be nice about it by saying the color was nice. Howard asked Robin to tell him the truth. She came right out and said ''There's nothing attractive about him.'' Howard said his teeth are crooked, he's got blotchy skin and he's fat. Benjy pointed out that Howard's teeth are crooked too but that didn't take the spotlight off of his features. They eventually asked Anne Marie who she'd pick if Benjy and Stuttering John were the only two guys she could choose from. She picked John because he seems to be cleaner than Benjy.
Howard started off the show talking about last night's Presidential debates. He thinks that Gore came off better than Bush did. He read that it was pretty much a draw though. Robin said that he should ignore the reporters views because they're usually not in touch with what the public thinks.
Gary and Benjy were bringing up some of the stuff they saw during the debate. Gary had a lot of details about what had gone on.
Everyone came in to give their views about the debate. KC even had a written list of odd things he saw during the debate. He pointed out how Gore was wearing too much makeup. Howard said it looked like a mortician had made him up.
KC also pointed out the spittle that Bush had following his lips around and gathering up in the corners of his mouth. Most of the notes KC took seemed to center around Gore's makeup for some reason. He also noticed how when one candidate would talk the other one would just make faces. He also wondered what they were writing down on their note pads during the debate. Howard suggested that they were probably writing ''KC is gay'' on those pads.
KC also said that the host of the debates, Jim Lehrer, had no control over them. Howard also added that the guy was very disturbing to look at. He said he had eyes like a shark. Some of KC's other observations:
Scott DePace from E! came in and made some arguments in favor of Bush but Howard didn't really want to hear them. Howard always brings up the abortion issue as the main reason to vote for Gore. DePace doesn't agree with abortion so he goes with Bush.
Gary came in and said that he's going to try to meet with Al Gore at some event that Program Director Steve Kingston was invited to. He asked Kingston if he could go with him and Kingston told him he could if he pretends to be someone else. They went to break a short time later.
Howard had a clip of his favorite guy from the ''Sexiest Bachelor'' show that was on Fox the other night. His favorite was the guy wearing the clam digger pants and sandals. Howard said that when you're that good looking you must just be stupid. This guy sounded really dopey and had to think about simple answers way too long.
The guys spent a couple minutes talking about baseball. Gary came in and brought up some stuff before Howard got to the phones.
Howard took some phone calls and had some people asking about the debates last night. One guy told Howard that he's gay and always talking about dudes on the show. Howard told the guy to bring his mother down there and he'd see just how gay he is. He said he'd take her into the bathroom and take care of her and then pass her along to Jackie.
One caller asked Howard if he would nail a porno star. Howard said that he doesn't have any porn stars coming on to him and he wouldn't want to follow 500 other guys who they've been with. He said that Jenna Jameson did his movie but she didn't even come on to him. He said that she talked to him and just hung out with him. He said he's just like any other guy, no chicks are coming on to him.
The caller wanted to be hooked up with a porn star so Howard said he may be able to help him out because Kendra Jade is going to come in and play a game where someone will win the chance to have anal with her. Howard had the guys get this guy's name down as a possible player in that game.
(The following was edited out of the Master Tape replay. Are they trying to erase history?) Howard took a phone call from a guy who wanted to know what happened to Crazy Cabbie. Howard said he's heard from Cabbie but he hasn't had a chance to talk to him yet. Gary came in and said that he still hasn't gotten back to him about signing the papers that will help him find his birth parents. He said he's a funny guy that way. He seems interested but he won't return the paperwork.
John said Gary took 20 minutes to pick out the clothes and they weren't that great. They didn't have the right clothes for the golf course so the guys who won the charity thing paid for their clothes. Gary got a bright yellow shirt so John said that they were calling him a lightbulb.
They were all goofing on each other about everything that was going on there. Gary said that John had a lot to drink on the course and then smoked some weed before going to dinner. Then they had dinner and he had a martini and even more beer. He told Howard that he had 6-10 beers on the course, then he smoked 2 joints, then had a martini and another 5 beers.
Gary thinks that John is an alcoholic but John says he's not. After hearing the story Howard agrees that he's got a problem. John says that he didn't stay out late so he wasn't late for work or anything. Gary said that John was actually very upbeat when he came in this morning.
John said that Jackie even stopped at a place to pick up a six-pack for the road while they were driving home. So maybe both of them have a problem.
The guys talked about John's house and the mess he has over there. He just moved into that place and it's still a mess. He wants to have a party there so Howard said he has to go to see what's going on over there.
This morning the stripper he performed the oral on came in to give the true story. 19 year old Alexis the stripper from American Strippers (DialADancer.com) came in to give her side. She claims that Benjy did use some kind of plastic, in the beginning of the oral. It didn't stay in the whole time. She also said that Benjy gave her the best oral she's ever had. She claims she had 12 orgasms!
Alexis even said she'd hang out with Benjy again. The two of them have kept in touch since that night but they haven't hooked up again because their schedules don't line up.
Stephen Baldwin called in and said ''Benjy for President!'' after hearing all of this. Howard said he guesses he has nothing else to add to the conversation. He let him go a few seconds later. Stephen said a quick ''thank you'' before Howard hung up on him.
Benjy continued to ask why it's a big deal that he performed oral on this girl. Howard told him that it's the fact that he didn't think about what he was doing and that it was in front of people he works with that makes it so disturbing.
Alexis stuck around and even kissed Benjy one time before she left. Howard and the crew all thought that looked disgusting with fat Benjy kissing her. Alexis also demonstrated her rapping abilities by doing a little free style rap. She was pretty good. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard took some phone calls and let some people comment on the debate discussions. The callers were giving their thoughts on the debates and how they went.
Howard also talked about this guy David Alan Coe and how he's not the guy known as Johnny Rebel. He said that David will be coming on the show to defend himself against those claims. Howard gave a couple of programming notes and mentioned some of the stuff they had coming up soon.
Howard said he had some Kathie Lee tapes to play today. He said that she's dropped her Gifford name for her CD release. He played the clip of her talking about why she did that. She also said that she wants everyone to get out of her life. Howard had another clip of Kathie Lee talking about going on the Today Show to perform her songs instead of going on Regis' show.
Howard had another Kathie Lee clip where she talks about her song ''We Don't Make Love Anymore'' and what that's all about.
One guy does all of the customer service voices for these calls and he's great. He managed to get a phone number that's similar to a popular shipping service's customer service number. He gets the people who dial the wrong number and pretends to be the shipping service. This process turns out some great phony phone calls.
Howard also had a bunch of tapes of Tommy Lasorda freaking out on reporters that he played for a while. Lasorda goes off on people when he's asked questions he doesn't like. Howard had about 4 different tapes of that stuff as well as a couple of Stuttering John tapes where Lasorda tells him to get away from him.
Gilbert eventually went back to his normal voice and spoke to Howard for a couple of minutes. Howard heard that Gilbert is getting married but Gilbert said he knows nothing about that. He does have a long time girlfriend but he's not planning on getting married. He did a little bit of his infamous ''Dracula Gottfried'' for Howard and said that he did that for the upcoming Halloween episode of ''Hollywood Squares''. He said they dressed him up as Dracula for Halloween and he did his impression once and people were staring at him. Howard had to go to break before Magic came in.
Howard recently read that Magic is the most successful African American man in America. Magic told Howard about all of his businesses. Howard said that he's a brave guy for opening up his Magic Johnson theaters in the inner city sections. Magic said he doesn't have any problems with people shooting screens like Howard said happened at the theaters in his neighborhood when he was a kid. Magic said people respect the theaters because they entertain and bring jobs to their neighborhoods. Magic said that he's in on the theaters 50-50 with Sony and they're already turning a profit.
Magic also owns about 20 Starbucks coffee shops as well as a couple of TGI Friday's restaurants. He said he's the only partner that Starbucks has. Howard asked him why the endorsements have gone away lately. Magic said he's still got a few but that's not his main focus. He enjoys the other businesses he runs.
Howard also spoke to Magic about basketball and how he owns 5 percent of the Lakers. Magic said that's another big money maker for him. They spent a few minutes discussing how great the Lakers are. They also spent a couple of minutes talking about Dennis Rodman. Magic said he likes Dennis but he was kind of out of control and that's why he didn't last with the Lakers.
Magic told Howard that he was disappointed this morning because there were no women there for him to check out. Howard said he had a stripper in earlier but, since he was late, he missed out on it. Magic is participating in the 1st Annual 3 on 3 Wall Street Classic in New York City on October 28. You can find out more info at PrinceMarketingGroup.com. Magic said people will get the chance to play against him and two other NBA stars in the charity event.
Magic talked a little bit about his failed TV show and how it helped him out. He said after the show failed his other businesses took off so he's not upset about losing it. He said it just wasn't his thing. He gave it a try and it didn't work out for him. He and Howard were getting along really well so Howard said he should have co-hosted with Magic. Magic said he'd probably still be on the air if he'd had Howard as a co-host.
Howard heard that Magic is doing so well with is HIV medication that the virus doesn't even show up in blood tests. Magic said that's true and he's feeling just fine. He works out 5 days a week and he's in better shape now than he was when he was playing ball. Gilbert, who was still in the studio, said that he thinks he's in better shape now too.
Howard took a couple of phone calls for Magic. One woman wanted to know what medications Magic is using because someone she knows can't take certain meds. He told her that everyone reacts to these drugs in a certain way and they need to find the ones that work for them. He also told her the names of his Doctors so she could look them up. He uses Dr. Melman out in L.A. and Dr. Ho, the ''ultimate'' doctor, in New York City. He said he's the best guy in the world.
Magic brought up how Howard is separated from his wife now and said that the women must be going nuts. Gilbert broke the news and said that he's actually getting laid more than Howard now. Magic said he still goes out to strip clubs once in a while but he doesn't sleep around. He has fun with his wife Cookie now.
Howard took a few more phone calls for Magic and wrapped things up and then went to break.
Howard said that Gilbert was pretty much invisible while he was sitting there and Magic didn't offer him anything and didn't even talk to him after the interview.
Gary came in and told Howard about some ratings info they got about the stuff that aired the night before. Howard wanted to know what kind of ratings the Bachelor show got. Gary said they didn't do all that well. Howard said he couldn't take his eyes off it, he was hooked.
Howard asked Gilbert to stick around during the news. He had Robin get into that a short time later. She read through some stories while Gilbert and Howard goofed on them. Gilbert was doing voices and singing his Hebrew songs throughout the news. He was doing his Dracula Gottfried impression and others. He did his Jackie impression and told some racist jokes like Jackie would tell. Gilbert did some Michael Caine and others before Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 10:05am (Master Tape Theatre time.
Scott DePace from E! came in and made some arguments in favor of Bush but Howard didn't really want to hear them. Howard always brings up the abortion issue as the main reason to vote for Gore. DePace doesn't agree with abortion so he goes with Bush.
Gary came in and said that he's going to try to meet with Al Gore at some event that Program Director Steve Kingston was invited to. He asked Kingston if he could go with him and Kingston told him he could if he pretends to be someone else.
Howard replayed clips of the three songs Green Day performed yesterday on the show. Robin said she was impressed that they didn't have any roadies running around helping them out and how they just decided to play an extra song before they left.
Howard had a clip of his favorite guy from the ''Sexiest Bachelor'' show that was on Fox the other night. His favorite was the guy wearing the clam digger pants and sandals. Howard said that when you're that good looking you must just be stupid. This guy sounded really dopey and had to think about simple answers way too long.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who wanted to know what happened to Crazy Cabbie. Howard said he's heard from Cabbie but he hasn't had a chance to talk to him yet. Gary came in and said that he still hasn't gotten back to him about signing the papers that will help him find his birth parents. He said he's a funny guy that way. He seems interested but he won't return the paperwork.
Benjy continued to ask why it's a big deal that he performed oral on this girl. Howard told him that it's the fact that he didn't think about what he was doing and that it was in front of people he works with that makes it so disturbing. Alexis stuck around and even kissed Benjy one time before she left. Howard and the crew all thought that looked disgusting with fat Benjy kissing her. Alexis also demonstrated her rapping abilities by doing a little free style rap. She was pretty good.
One guy does all of the customer service voices for these calls and he's great. He managed to get a phone number that's similar to a popular shipping service's customer service number. He gets the people who dial the wrong number and pretends to be the shipping service. This process turns out some great phony phone calls.
Howard also had a bunch of tapes of Tommy Lasorda freaking out on reporters that he played for a while. Lasorda goes off on people when he's asked questions he doesn't like. Howard had about 4 different tapes of that stuff as well as a couple of Stuttering John tapes where Lasorda tells him to get away from him.
After playing the Lasorda tapes Magic still wasn't there. Howard said it was kind of ridiculous because they have news to get to as well as Gilbert Gottfried. He had Gilbert come in a little early. All of a sudden Howard says ''Hey, there's Magic!'' as Gilbert went into his best Magic Johnson impression. He pretended to be Magic for a couple of minutes. Howard questioned him about his failed TV show and what happened there. Magic Gottfried said he blames ''the Jews'' for his show not making it. He says he's going to bring his show to a non-Jew network and try it again.
Gilbert eventually went back to his normal voice and spoke to Howard for a couple of minutes. Howard heard that Gilbert is getting married but Gilbert said he knows nothing about that. He does have a long time girlfriend but he's not planning on getting married. He did a little bit of his infamous ''Dracula Gottfried'' for Howard and said that he did that for the upcoming Halloween episode of ''Hollywood Squares''. He said they dressed him up as Dracula for Halloween and he did his impression once and people were staring at him. Howard said Gilbert will be appearing at Carolines on Broadway tomorrow night. You can get more info at Carolines.com
Howard also spoke to Magic about basketball and how he owns 5 percent of the Lakers. Magic said that's another big money maker for him. They spent a few minutes discussing how great the Lakers are. They also spent a couple of minutes talking about Dennis Rodman. Magic said he likes Dennis but he was kind of out of control and that's why he didn't last with the Lakers.
Magic told Howard that he was disappointed this morning because there were no women there for him to check out. Howard said he had a stripper in earlier but, since he was late, he missed out on it. Magic is participating in the 1st Annual 3 on 3 Wall Street Classic in New York City on October 28. You can find out more info at PrinceMarketingGroup.com. Magic said people will get the chance to play against him and two other NBA stars in the charity event.
Magic talked a little bit about his failed TV show and how it helped him out. He said after the show failed his other businesses took off so he's not upset about losing it. He said it just wasn't his thing. He gave it a try and it didn't work out for him. He and Howard were getting along really well so Howard said he should have co-hosted with Magic. Magic said he'd probably still be on the air if he'd had Howard as a co-host.
Howard heard that Magic is doing so well with is HIV medication that the virus doesn't even show up in blood tests. Magic said that's true and he's feeling just fine. He works out 5 days a week and he's in better shape now than he was when he was playing ball. Gilbert, who was still in the studio, said that he thinks he's in better shape now too.
Howard took a couple of phone calls for Magic. One woman wanted to know what medications Magic is using because someone she knows can't take certain meds. He told her that everyone reacts to these drugs in a certain way and they need to find the ones that work for them. He also told her the names of his Doctors so she could look them up. He uses Dr. Melman out in L.A. and Dr. Ho, the ''ultimate'' doctor, in New York City. He said he's the best guy in the world.
Magic brought up how Howard is separated from his wife now and said that the women must be going nuts. Gilbert broke the news and said that he's actually getting laid more than Howard now. Magic said he still goes out to strip clubs once in a while but he doesn't sleep around. He has fun with his wife Cookie now.
Howard took a few more phone calls for Magic and wrapped things up with Magic.
Gilbert stuck around and hung out during the news doing his Rabbi impression as well as Dracula and Lou Costello. He even had a new impression of John Lennon.
Howard was watching MSNBC last night and found out that they put Don Imus on in the evenings. Howard was watching something he enjoyed until they put Imus on. He watched it for a few minutes and said Imus had nothing to say. He got so bored with it he had to turn it off.
Big Black called in with tape from Access Hollywood where they did a segment on Dr. Laura and her awful show. There are allegations that she had one of her producers pretend to be a guest on the show. Howard said she got busted by some guys at G.L.A.D. who watch the show every day. They saw the producer on two days in a row and busted her. Robin said she caught a little of Dr. Laura's show and it was awful. This led to Howard discussing other syndicated shows and the fact that he had to take a pay cut to keep his Saturday night show in production. Howard was talking about how Rosie O'Donnell is going to have ''Oprah money'' when she's done with her show. Howard says he wants ''Oprah money'' for what he does.
Howard said he started watching the new James Cameron TV show ''Dark Angel'' last night. He was expecting something cool after reading that they spent $10 million on the show. He said the first hour sucked and it was boring. He hasn't seen the second hour of it yet though. He said it's kind of like the Six Million Dollar Man in it's concept but the powers the girl has in the show aren't cool.
Cabbie finally signed the papers that he needed to sign to find his birth parents. If and when that happens Gary said they're going to have 2 sets of parents on the show and he'll have to guess which set is his.
Howard found out that Tom Chiusano was listening to Cabbie in his office so he freaked out saying that Tom is being a ''drama queen'' about the whole situation. Tom came in and said he was just listening because he has a lot riding on this situation. It turns out he loaned Cabbie a bunch of money when he started at the station. There are still a lot of questions about the whole thing but we'll have to wait for him to get out of wherever he is.
Ralph also called in to give his two cents on the situation but Howard ended up talking about the ''Sexiest Bachelor'' show that was on the other night. He'd left a message on Ralph's answering machine that was pretty funny. Ralph played the message and then spent a few minutes talking about how gay the show was. Howard played a few clips from the show and goofed on the guys who appeared on it. Ralph thinks that some of they may have been gay and he knows they were lying when they answered questions.
Howard goofed on Cabbie a little bit before getting a message from Tom Chiusano that it was ''..time to end the 'goof on Tom' segment'' because it had been 40 minutes since they last took a break. Cabbie said one last thing before getting off the phone and that was to vote for George Bush. He said that Bush ''smoked Gore'' in the debate and that Gore was just a puppet who lied just like every other democrat has. This from a guy in rehab.
Howard continued to goof on Tom for a couple more minutes before taking a break. He goofed on him about lending Cabbie the money. Stuttering John came in and said he borrowed $2500 from him one time also. He needed it when he was closing on his house and he did pay him back. Gary was amazed that someone would have the balls to ask Tom for money. John said he felt more comfortable doing that than asking Jackie for money. And John is good friends with Jackie.
Howard took a couple of phone calls from people who claimed to have been at the concert. One guy said Sal really didn't do anything wrong and he shouldn't have been kicked out. A couple of others said that he was causing a big disturbance and deserved to be kicked out. Sal claims that he's going to sue Gene over this and he's gotten a lawyer already. Sal said you can find out more details at HorseToothJackass.com. Howard also gave Sal a $1500 gift certificate to the Sharper Image courtesy of TBS just for calling in with the story. Howard had to give the prize away to someone and Sal just happened to be on the phone at the time.
After Sal's call Gary came in and told Howard about how Jon Bon Jovi had a fund raiser at his house in New Jersey last night. He had 300 people at his house to raise money for Al Gore. In the article he read it said that the Secret Service shut down the Garden State Parkway and the NJ Turnpike at rush hour to get Gore to the party. Everyone agreed that was ridiculous and if Gore says he wants to help the ''average man'' like he says he's going to, he shouldn't be shutting down major highways to get to a party. Bon Jovi managed to raise a million dollars for Gore with his party.
Bob told Howard that he's had a lot of support from his fans and he's feeling great now. Howard said he didn't sound that great on the phone though. I agree on that. He sounded sick but maybe he just woke up. He told Howard that he had to join a support group and it's not a fun place to be. He said that all of the people in the group are miserable and hate life. He said something funny but the delay was hit during his comments.. 3 times.
Bob said that he needs to laugh so he's been listening to the Joe Rogan comedy CD ''I'm Gonna Be Dead Someday'' to keep himself laughing.
Bob told Howard that he got a picture of himself with the Olsen twins back stage at a movie shoot. He said he sent the picture to Howard but Howard didn't get it for some reason. Bob said he snuck back and got the picture taken after asking the director to let him in. He said the girls were in pajamas at the time. Howard said he'd love a picture like that because the girls are getting really cute now.
Bob's new TV show is still in the works and he claims that it'll be a mid-season show on Fox this season. He's only shot the pilot so far but he has the first ''table read'' for the first episode coming up in the next month or so.
Bob will be appearing in the Laughter Arts Festival at the following places:
Howard had a bunch of clips from last weeks show that he played. Vinnie brought a tape of this week's show but there was no audio on it so Howard was unable to pull clips from it. Needless to say the clips showed how lame the show is. In one clip a girl, who barely knew English, asked the audience to make some noise and she'd think about getting naked. They made noise but she refused to get naked on national TV.
Ralph also called in to tell Vinnie how bad the show is. He said it's like a train wreck. He said the way the show is cut up is horrible and it's a big mess.
Vinnie said that he has to watch all of these shows each week so he can take notes on them to give to the producers of the show. Howard jokingly said that they found one of Vinnie's note pads and it said ''I have to kill myself'' over and over again.
Pamela Anderson was the subject of the morning. A listener called in and said that he saw her on Regis' show yesterday and she was wearing a really low cut top. Howard started talking about all of these letters he's received from people asking him to tickle Pam's feet when she comes on the show. Howard said he got about 20 similar letters from various people. They all want him to put Pam in the ''Tickle Stock'' which he hasn't used in years. Unfortunately Gary informed Howard that they had to get rid of that thing when they moved to the new studio. Howard said he's going to tickle her feet, he'll just have Jackie hold her down.
Howard got a letter from a high school kid who's doing a speech on Howard for his class. The kid couldn't get a hold of Howard so he made a list of questions and sent them to Howard. The first question was ''If you have a car, what kind is it?'' Howard thought that question was kind of stupid but he answered it on the air instead of filling it out and sending it to the kid. Howard said there's nothing in it for him so why would he answer it. Here are some of the other questions:
Howard played a new commercial parody this morning. It was a take-off of the ''Real American heroes'' Bud Light commercials. This was ''Real American Douche Bags'' and General Manager Tom Chiusano, a real American douche bag, was the subject.
Both Robin and Howard said they didn't see much of the Vice Presidential debates last night. Robin was bored by the whole thing and went to bed after a short time. Howard had to go do bed early so he didn't see much of it either. Howard did say that Bernard Shaw's moustache is crooked and asked if anyone looks at him before he goes on air. KC saw the debates and made some observations on the whole thing. He said it wasn't as fun as the Presidential debate. Here are some of KC's observations:
After the game Howard spent some time talking to Beetlejuice about his campaign to run for the NY senate. He reviewed some of Beet's platform but Beetle was changing stuff as he spoke. Howard heard that he was going to legalize prostitution, gambling and marijuana. Beetle told him that he's not going to do that now. He's against all of that today. Maybe tomorrow he'll change his tune. He is, however, going to stick to making the drinking age 13 or 14. Beetle was answering questions like he has in the past. When Howard would ask him something he'd say ''Me!?'' and give his answer. You gotta love it. Beetle is also a wrestler now and you can find out more about that and his Senate run over at JollyDwarf.com. Howard asked Beetle about making up with Hank not that long ago but Beetle said that's not true. Howard said they have a picture of him kissing Hank the Dwarf but Beetle denied ever doing such a thing. He said he's not in to that kind of stuff. Howard only spent a short time with Beetle before ending the segment.
KC found a web site for Howard to check out. The site features guys dressed in Nazi uniforms. The site is for gay guys who enjoy looking at Nazi uniformed guys. KC said you can find the site by going to Yahoo and typing in Gay Nazi... if you're in to that kind of stuff.
Pam and Nat questioned Howard about dating Angie Everhart but he still denies that they're an item. He says he's just friends with her. Howard got back to the Pam and Tommy Lee relationship and asked if that's finally over. Pam said that it is over and she's dating model Marcus Shankenberg now. She claims that she's not going to marry him because they need to get to know each other better. She also said that she's only seen Tommy 2 times since they broke up last. The last time she saw him she was swimming in the same pool though. She said that was kind of weird.
Howard brought up the letters he'd gotten earlier in the morning about tickling Pam's feet. She immediately took off her shoes without Howard even asking her to do it. She was in to it right away. Howard had a chair set up for her to sit in where he'd be able to tie up her feet. She got in the chair and Howard said he'd ask her questions and if she didn't answer them truthfully, he'd tickle her. He asked her questions but didn't care if the answers were true or not. He just tickled her no matter what. She wasn't very ticklish though. Stuttering John came in and helped out. He was able to make her squeal when tickling her. After about 8 questions Howard got Natalie to come over to do the same thing. She was way more ticklish than Pam. Howard asked her about 5 questions and got her to squeal with delight. She said that she actually enjoyed it. Howard thanked both of them for letting them do that. Apparently the guys in the studio were actually holding the girls down while Howard tickled their feet. Stuttering John said it was a very sexual thing for him.
Howard questioned Pam about her implant removal that she had last year. He said she's got to still have some kind of implant because her breasts look too good. She said she does still have some but they're much smaller than before. She finally admitted to it. Natalie also admitted that she got implants recently. She denied it for a couple of minutes but eventually broke down. Howard said they look great.
Howard spent more time asking Pam what it's like to have a strange guy around her kids. She said they really like Marcus and it's not that weird. She said they don't know their real father that well anyway. They've spent most of their time with her so that's what they know best. Howard told Pam that she should try dating more and not get in to such serious relationships so quickly.
Howard took some phone calls for Pam before she left. One guy wanted her to talk dirty to him because he was in the middle of pleasuring himself. She didn't do it but as Howard described what she was wearing the guy was moaning on the phone. Howard hung up on him and moved on. Howard also brought up the fact that Donna D'Errico who used to work with Pam on ''Baywatch'' has been bad mouthing her lately. Pam said she doesn't know what that's all about but she's not upset with Donna. Howard plugged Pam's syndicated show ''V.I.P.'' and wrapped things up.
Howard changed the subject to Ben's ''Meet the Parents'' co-star Robert De Niro. He asked Ben if he's ever seen De Niro banging black chicks. Ben said he's seen De Niro with black women but he hasn't seen him banging them. Ben told Howard that he was a little intimidated working with De Niro on the movie but he eventually calmed down by the end of the shoot. He hasn't become close friends with him though.
Howard asked Ben about his religious background because his father is Jewish. Ben said he did have a bar mitzvah but he's not considered a full Jew because his mother was Irish Catholic. Ben married a non-Jewish woman 5 months ago so Howard spent some time talking about that. Howard questions every marriage since his went sour. Ben said he's really happy right now with his wife. Howard said he gives the marriage about 5 years. Ben didn't want to talk too much about his sex wife because he didn't want to upset the rest of his family.
KC came in at one point and asked Ben if someone punched him in the eye. He said they were watching him on the monitor in the E! room and it looked like he had a shiner. He didn't and he said it was just his face. Howard said there was a bump near his eye but it may have just been his cheek bone. Howard told KC to get out after insulting his guest. Ben said that Ronnie the Limo driver, who also does security at the station, was kind of rude to him before he came in. Howard told Gary to talk to him about that.
Howard discussed some of Ben's other movies like the awful ''Mystery Men''. Even Ben said that he wasn't happy with that one and it was very uncomfortable promoting it. He said that it didn't turn out like he expected it to but there's not much he could have done because he wasn't directing it. Howard asked him if he had to wear a mask on his head to the premiere of that one. Ben said that he should have worn a horses ass mask. He didn't actually go to the premiere of that one though.Howard also spent some time talking about ''Cable Guy'' which Ben directed. One phone caller told Ben that ''Cable Guy'' was the best movie he's seen. Howard took a bunch of other calls for Ben. One caller called Ben ''ugly bastard'' and said that without his father being in the business he wouldn't have ever made it. Some people kissed his ass and others called him names. It was a wide range of calls.
As Howard was wrapping things up he found out that Ben and his wife didn't sign a pre-nuptial agreement. Howard thinks that's a big mistake but Ben thinks that it would ruin the whole idea of a marriage. Howard then predicted that they'd be broken up in 5 years.
After Ben was gone Howard said that because the studio is so hot his back was sweating. He took a picture with Ben and he knows Ben must have felt his sweaty back. Pamela must have also felt the sweaty back. Howard thinks that they must think he's all disgusting and crap.
Howard also said he exchanged numbers with Ben because Ben wants to hang out with him. Howard said that makes him feel important in the celebrity community. Stiller called in a short time later and said he didn't even notice the sweat on Howard's back. He also told Howard that he really does want to hang out with him. Howard was wondering if their height difference would be a problem. Ben is only 5'7'' tall and Howard is 6'5''. Stiller said it does intimidate him a little bit but he'll deal with it.
