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Playboy Cyber Club
In the clip Howard and Robin said hello to Sam who was visiting the studio for the first time. Sam came in and said he was fresh from the drug wars. Howard asked if he had ever tried crack. Sam said he hasn't and he's never met anyone who has or who has Muscular Dystrophy. Howard and Sam talked about the MD telethon and how they're no closer to finding a cure. Sam said they claim they're researching it but they haven't come any closer to a cure.
Howard talked to Sam about working with Rodney Dangerfield and Sam said he's a tough guy to deal with. Howard said he thinks he used to be a humble guy but now he's an older guy and he's thinking that he should have hit it big earlier in his life. Howard said he can see why he'd be a hostile dude.
Howard said Rodney was trying to pick up someone who works with them and when she finally caved Rodney said that he didn't want to go out with her unless he was going to score with him.
Howard said Sam has a new record out. Sam said he went to a couple of record stores yesterday and people were going crazy that he was walking among them.
Howard asked Sam if he has any backward messages on his album. Sam joked around with that doing a deep voice. That led to Howard turning on some vocal effects to make it even deeper. He and Sam goofed around with that for a short time doing the satan voice.
Howard asked Sam about his marriages and how he must be getting a lot of women now. Sam said it's hard to do his thing and then mingle. Howard said comedians get groupies. Sam said he knows that but he's not doing that. Howard said Sam has to get Penthouse and Playboy girls now. Sam said he got an invitation to the mansion but he didn't go. Howard said he should have gone.
Howard said Belushi used to get a lot of Playboy girls. He said he had a whole stable of them. Howard said they went to an auto show to make an appearance and they saw what was going on.
Howard asked if Sam has done Letterman yet. Sam said he's going to be on tonight actually. He said he's not sure who else is going to be on though. Howard looked it up in the paper. He said Paul Hogan and Jerry O'Connell are going to be on with him. Howard said Sam should be on first and if he's not he should demand it. Howard said he did that and he did it.
Howard said that Sam is a comic genius so he should get on that show first. Robin asked if he's ever talked to Dave at the show. Sam said he has done that. He said the second time he was on he said they told him Dave wanted to talk to him. Howard said it's a big deal that Sam used to be a minister. Sam said there must be people freaking out about that. He said he has a couple of brothers who are still ministers.
Sam talked about how phony the whole thing is when you're trying to get people to donate money to you so you can open up a theme park just for Christians. He goofed on people who do that.
Sam said he thinks that the last sound Jesus made was a scream in pain. He had some jokes about that and said he thinks he can handle going to hell because he was married for two years.
Howard said he has two kids and he's happy to be back at work. He said he loves his kids but he is glad to be back at work. Sam asked if he's married. Howard said he is and he loves his wife. He said his mother would kill him if he left his wife. Howard said he really loves his wife because she met him before he was famous. Sam told him to keep repeating that. Howard said he doesn't have a face that you love. He said that she must have really dug him if she married him when he was making $96 a week.
Howard said he's shown everyone that he can make it. He said there were some who didn't think he could do it. He has though.
Sam said there are a lot of people who tuned in to hear how this was going to go down. He said that a lot of people didn't think that it would work. Sam did his satan voice again and goofed around with that.
Howard said he thinks that Sam is going to be the next big movie star. He said he's going to be like the next Eddie Murphy or something. Howard asked if he's read any scripts. Sam said he has been reading some. That led to Sam talking about a line in a movie that referenced a woman getting wet. Howard wanted to talk about that but Robin begged them not to. Howard talked about how you end up doing stuff by yourself and you end up getting ''crazy glue'' all over the place. Robin said they're getting too graphic about this stuff. Howard said he can't have Sam on the show if they're going to get too graphic.
Howard said Sam is going to get famous and stop coming on the show. Howard said it'll be tough to get him back on the show if he gets famous. Sam said he will come back. He said he'll come back on the 29th. He said he'll definitely come back.
Howard asked Sam about what it's like back stage at his comedy shows. Sam talked a little bit about that. Sam talked about John Scher and how great a guy he is. Howard thanked Sam for coming in and started to wrap up with him. Howard said he might come hang out and party with Sam. Sam said he'll take care of him. Howard let him go a short time later.
That led into a show clip from November 14, 1986. In the clip Howard had Sam come in to play a game of Trivial Pursuit. Howard said you'd think that NBC would have slapped him down when he ignored the censors. Howard said he's going to be on Saturday Night Live. Howard said he's really happy for Sam though. Sam came in talking about John DeBella and what a loser he thinks that guy is. Howard told Sam to wait for the Philly station to join them before getting to that.
Sam said he was in Philly a couple of weeks after he did Howard's show. He said that DeBella was giving him a hard time about going on the Howard Stern show. Howard said they think that Sam should only be on one radio show. Howard said that's the way they think down there. Sam said the guy is a big scumbag loser.
Howard said Sam looks very happy since they last saw him. He said Sam shouldn't book himself on any morning zoo shows. Howard said he knows that guy down there and he should be shaking in his pants because he's going to destroy him. Sam said he should be shaking in his pants. He said that guy really ticked him off.
Howard said Sam is into the filthy language now that he's gotten away with it. He said he's going on Saturday Night Live this week. Howard said being at NBC just makes you want to buck the system. Howard said he ignored the censors over there and got fired. Howard said Sam does it and they give him a guest spot hosting the show. Sam said it's part of his destiny to become a world power. He said they will all wear his mark.
Robin said she saw Sam at a David Lee Roth concert and she told Howard he was the devil after seeing him there. She said she felt naked after he was looking at her. Howard told Sam to stop staring at her nipples. He said he has to see them every day.
Howard said he's going to play this Trivial Pursuit game with Sam and Robin. He asked how many 6's there are in Sam's phone number. He was just joking. Howard asked how many consecutive years Ed Sullivan was on the air. Robin guessed 12. Sam said 14. Howard said the correct answer was 24 years.
Howard asked if Red Kryptonite harmed Superman. Robin said no. Sam said yes. Howard said the answer is no according to the card but he read the comic books and he has to go against that answer. Howard said he would turn bad and act really strange. Howard said he'd call that harmful.
Howard asked a question about the Jimmy Dean show and which Muppet appeared on that. It was Rolf. Robin and Sam weren't trying very hard at this point. Howard asked a few more questions from Trivial Pursuit before moving on.
Robin told Sam that Howard was influenced by the way he dresses. Howard said he did get a coat like Sam has. Howard asked Sam about going on SNL and going against the censors. Sam said he forgot to tell them what he was going to do with his act that night. Howard said he knows what really happened. Howard said they used to have to sit down with the censors and go over everything they were going to talk about. Howard said they would sit there and tell them it was fine. Howard said Sam knew he was going to do what he did. Sam said some of the stuff came to him while he was there. He said he was talking about Crack and some Jesus stuff and they weren't too happy about that stuff. Howard said that they didn't censor Sam on this show. Howard said they let Sam talk about Jesus.
Howard said he didn't think the material he did about Jesus was that bad. Howard said he did a bit where he played God and he had created a video game called Virgin Mary Kong and he got suspended for 3 days for doing that. Howard said he had to go all the way into work and they suspended him right there. Howard said the thing he doesn't understand is how Sam did those religious bits and then he gets to host Saturday Night Live.
Sam said that Lorne Michaels came to him and said he knew he was going to do that material and told him to just go ahead and do it. Howard said Lorne then goes out and throws Sam to the wolves. Howard said Sam got on Entertainment Tonight so that was cool. Howard said the picture was like nothing he's seen before. It was Sam in a cap and a long coat. He's never seen that before.
Howard said they were talking about how they should have gotten Sam to be on SNL years ago because they could have kept the show good if they had done that. It's too late now. Howard said he would never want to be stuck with someone like Lorne Michaels as a boss. Howard said this guy fell into a pile of gold. Howard said he was doing nothing up in Canada and he ended up leaching off all of these improv people's talent. Howard said he doesn't know anything. Sam wasn't saying anything about him. Howard did all of the dirty work.
Howard said Sam should say that he was forced to do Saturday Night Live after being raped. Howard said it is a great shot for him but SNL is getting more out if it than Sam is. Howard said Sam is the most happening, irreverent comic right now. Howard said if Sam is thinking about doing movies he should keep him in mind. Howard said he has to put him in one if he does a movie. Sam was goofing on John DeBella for a minute after that.
After an edited out commercial break Howard and Sam came back and talked about having sex and small genitals. Howard said guys with small ones have to do other stuff to get women off. Howard said he learned to be an excellent lover. He said he would do really disgusting things.
Robin said Sam makes her nervous. She said it's really wild. She said that she's very comfortable around guys most of the time but not Sam. She said that's dangerous.
Sam said he was forced to watch women make love. He said he learned a lot of secrets from that. He said that they have patience. He said women don't care and they aren't in it to see who is going to ring the bell first. Howard said you learn a lot being a pervert. Howard said he'd love to watch lesbians. Howard said Bo the lesbian told him that he could watch. Howard asked how many hours these lesbians would go. Sam didn't say. Howard said that they say that women touch each other's breasts like butterflies and men just grab and squeeze.
Sam was talking about how he's much better at this than Dr. Ruth is. He said the last time she got wet was probably in the 1920s. Robin said that they may not want that going out over the air. Howard said he has become the censor there.
Howard said Sam has the eye of the tiger and he wears him out in there. Howard said Joe Piscopo told him that he had eye of the tiger. Sam goofed on Joe for a short time. He talked about how that guy milked his time on Saturday Night Live and how he should be out on the corner telling people to come into a live sex show.
After another edited out break Howard had Robin do some news. Sam hung out to comment on some of those stories. Robin read about Priscilla Presley being pregnant again. That led to Howard doing his Elvis bit where he contacts him from the dead. Howard said he wants to ask him about what he thinks about his ex-wife being pregnant. Fred said they had to do spots first. Howard told Fred to forget it but then he figured he'd do it anyway. Sam did an impression of Elvis that Howard liked.
Sam said that they should try contacting Elvis. Howard had them dim the lights and Fred played some contacting the dead music. Howard went into his Elvis impression a short time later. Howard did his Elvis impression for a short time and Robin said he wasn't sounding like himself today. Howard and Robin stuck with that bit for a short time and talked about Priscilla being pregnant. Howard stayed in character for a while. He was talking about a lot of things that Elvis did and how he still feels for Priscilla. He was joking around about the guy who knocked up Priscilla and things like that. Elvis talked about that lump on his mama's neck too. He was goofing on Elvis's eating and things like that too. Howard had a song he wrote as Elvis too. He sang about impregnating his Priscilla and how he'd use a coat hanger if he could. He sang about how she should have used an Oscar Mayer Weiner so that way she wouldn't be pregnant. Elvis sang a couple of other song parodies as Elvis. Then Howard lost Elvis and came out of his trance.
Howard came back and asked what Elvis said. Robin said he just sang some songs. Howard said that guy is a genius. They went to another break after that.
After the edited out break Robin read some more news. Sam stuck around to comment. Robin read a story about Steven King and what he was saying about this new Bruce Springsteen album. That led to Sam goofing on Steven King and how his books don't work well as movies. Howard said they say that Steven King used to listen to a radio station up there and he liked it because it was heavy metal music. Howard said they changed formats one day so King bought the station and changed the format back. Howard said he could have just played his favorite music on his record player. He said he doesn't get that.
Robin read more about the Bruce Springsteen album and what people are saying about that. Robin said one guy was upset that Bruce was now famous.
Robin read about the Beatles preparing for a reunion. She had some quotes from some of the members who were talking about Yoko Ono and how they weren't really upset with her. Howard said he would be. He said he's not going to forget the past. Sam and Howard said they don't believe that Yoko didn't know who John Lennon was when she met him. Howard said Robin does a great Yoko impression. He had her do a little bit of that. Sam liked it and said that he has to have her.
Robin read about someone dying and that led to Sam talking about how he'd like to switch that guy with John DeBella. He said that he hates that guy. Robin said they have to talk about that guy because he was Harry Mudd from Star Trek. She said he died and he wasn't found for several days. Robin read some more details about that and wrapped up a short time later. Howard talked to Sam for a couple more minutes and said he can come in anytime. Sam said hearing Elvis from the grave gave him chills. They ended the show a short time later.
After that they played a clip from November 11, 1987 when Sam visited Howard. In the clip Sam was talking about guys doing coke and how he might have some on him right now. Howard said that someone in Hollywood has to still be doing drugs.
Howard asked where Sam has been. He heard he was in Hawaii. Robin said that's where she was. Sam said he was in Hawaii after he had some time off. He said that's when things get bad for him. He said he will end up doing a Tide box full of coke. He said things can get crazy. Howard said he didn't know it was like that. Sam told him how great it is for breaking the ice with girls. Robin said she has friends who still dabble in that. She said that they have partied with Sam and Sam scared them so he must be doing a lot.
Sam said he doesn't really do drugs. He said this is just a bit he's doing. He wouldn't want any kids to hear this and start doing drugs.
Howard said they waited a long time for Sam to come back in. Sam said the last time he talked to Howard he was on the phone with twins in his room. Richard Belzer was in the last time they spoke. Howard said Belzer lost one of his testicles. They spent a minute talking about that.
Sam told Howard about going home with those twins. He said he swears that this is a true story. He said that they felt bad for him and wanted to come home with him. Robin was laughing about that story and Sam said she has a witches laugh. Sam told Howard that one of the girls was 16 years old. He said she was the sister of the girl he had sex with. He said that one was actually 23 or 24 and the other was around 30. Howard said he's never had more than one woman at a time.
Howard asked Sam if he saw him on Letterman the other night. Sam said he missed that. He said he hasn't been on the show himself lately. Howard said they have to get to Sam's plugs but they'll do those after the break.
After an edited out break Howard was talking about this Matthew Broderick story where they talked about having an ape in a movie and how they were hitting it over the head with a Billy club. Sam said he thinks that people are ready to see that.
Robin read about Oprah Winfrey and Howard made a cow sound. Robin told him to stop that. Robin read about how Oprah had the families of the Challenger shuttle disaster come on her show. Robin said that she conned them into coming on the show and ended up asking them questions that she wasn't supposed to ask. Howard wondered if she has done drugs because he heard she has a lot of crack. Jackie was cracking up at that joke.
Sam was talking about how happy he was when Whoopi Goldberg didn't win her Academy Award. He said he laughed when she didn't win. He said he could never do that Comic Relief show either.
Robin read through some more stories and Howard and Sam had some fun goofing around about some of those things.
Howard was talking about the abortion issue after Robin mentioned something in the news. Howard had Sam cracking up at some of his comments about abortion.
Howard and Robin went over some more news and Sam was acting up so Howard had to ask him to calm down. Howard said Sam lives life to the fullest. Howard said he abuses everything and look how healthy he is. Sam said he should look like an alligator suitcase by now. Howard said Sam is a responsible drug user. Robin asked if he got lost for a while. She said that there were some strange stories. Howard said that was Sam's agent blowing them off. Howard said they'd ask where Sam was and the agent would say no one knew where he was.
After another edited out break Howard came back and talked to Sam about the movie ''Scrooged'' that he's doing with Bill Murray. Sam said he got to say hi to Bill Murray. Howard talked to him about that and about the clothes he's wearing. Howard said it's great to be an entertainer because you can wear whatever you want.
Howard asked Sam if he has a phone in his Corvette. Sam said he does but he knows he probably went to the wrong place. Howard was in the middle of a live commercial for an advertiser that puts car phones in. Howard talked to Sam about that for a short time during the commercial. Sam said he'll be getting more cars so he'll remember this for those cars.
Sam talked about his dad's death and how he's buried in a borrowed grave. Sam said they have to get him moved eventually.
Robin read about how Jackie Vernon died. Sam asked if that's because the lack of a career. They spent a minute talking about that.
Robin read about some other stuff in the news. Howard talked about how they had Waylon Flowers and Madam on the show once and the guy kept the puppet on his hand the whole time. They were on radio so no one was seeing this other than the people in the studio. Robin said he would put the puppet up to the microphone.
The guys talked about Caddyshack 2 and how Sam was going to be in it but he backed out when Rodney Dangerfield backed out.
After an edited out break Howard asked Sam about this movie part he has for him. Sam said he would see Howard as Howard Stern in the movie. Howard said he can play that. Sam said he thinks that Howard would be great. They took another break a short time later.
After that we heard a Kinison comedy bit about Rock Hudson being addicted to dick. He was also fucking with a heckler in the audience in that clip.
Howard came back with Sam after the edited out break. Howard and Sam talked about Matthew Broderick and how they called his answering machine and left crashing sounds on it after his accident. Howard said they figured that his driver's ed teacher was on heroin or something. Howard said he heard that Broderick was driving on the wrong side of the road over there. Robin said they don't have confirmation on that.
Howard asked Sam if he has a computer yet. Sam said he does not. Howard asked how he keeps track of his bits. Robin asked how he's going to write a movie. Sam said he wants to suck that bottom lip. Howard told him to take it easy.
Robin asked Sam about working on his new act and how he works out the jokes. Sam said he gets really blasted out of his mind and he'll just ramble and flow and riff. He said there are a couple of things that he'll remember. Sam said he doesn't write that stuff down. He said he just remembers them. He said the stuff is entertaining and he remembers it.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if they've been watching the Hollywood Squares lately. Howard said he watches every night. The caller asked what's up with that guy Jm J Bullock. Sam said he used to be a comic. Howard said they had Joan Rivers' square draped in black for her husband. Robin said she heard that she's dating now.
Howard said that Jackie can do a great impression of Sam. Howard told him to do it. Jackie just yelled ''Oh, oh!'' like Sam. Sam said that Jackie has the lungs for it.
Howard told Sam about how he got kicked off of Arsenio Hall's show when he brought up Joan Rivers' husband's death on the show. Howard said he was going to do a talk show kind of thing but he waned to do his own thing. Howard said he walked out and sat down and was about to do this thing where he mentioned his mother. Arsenio snapped and did a yo mamma bit for 5 minutes. Howard told Sam never to do that show. Sam said he wouldn't do it. Howard said he did the show as a goof. He thought it was a cool show business move. Howard said he was there with Arsenio doing his yo mamma thing and he figured it was bull. Howard said he took over and started doing his thing and the guy freaked.
Howard said two days later Arsenio did a monologue about him. Howard said Arsenio was all upset about him going on Letterman. Howard played the clip of Arsenio talking about Howard and calling him a ''slime burger to the max'' and saying that he's the reason women turn gay. Sam said he has to work harder on those retorts. He didn't think ''slime burger'' was a great line. Arsenio had also said there were Chapstick marks on Letterman's pants too. Howard played more of the clip. Sam and Howard goofed on Arsenio about his lame jokes.
Howard said he had to read about what George Harrison says about Dick Clark. He read an article and George went off on Dick Clark. He never has a bad thing to say about anyone. George said all Dick does is ask for clips of them and then makes movies and only gives them 2 bucks. Howard said George tells Dick to f-off and get his own stuff.
Howard said he knows that Sam likes to tell the audience something before he leaves. Sam and Howard spent a few more minutes talking during the news.
After an edited out break Howard came back and talked to Sam some more about the Felt Forum show. Howard said maybe he'll luck out and have the Sesame Street set still there. That's what they had last year when Howard and the guys did their show.
Howard gave Sam some more plugs and went over some of the other projects he's working on. Howard said Sam can pick the right movies to do. He said he doesn't need to take just anything.
Howard and Sam talked about Dick Clark and the Beatles and how George Harrison was bad mouthing Dick. Howard told Sam the story that he read about that.
Howard asked Sam if he had anything to tell the audience before they had to get going. Sam said he wanted to call Ron Jeremy. They had his number to call him back.
Robin read some news before they had to end the show. She had some details about what people are doing now that AIDS is so prevalent. Sam was saying he never wears rubbers. Howard said he doesn't either since he's just with his wife. Sam said that it's insulting to use a condom with the woman. Howard said she'll think she's diseased if you use one. Howard said they're also like a buck a piece and that's a lot of money. Howard said there are some that you can use multiple times. He said they have instructions on how to clean them and roll them up in powder.
Robin read a few more news stories. Howard and Sam goofed around talking about those. Howard was also talking about calling up Sam's girlfriend or his ex to talk about how famous he's gotten. Sam said they could call Malika. Sam said he had this woman he went out with who set him up and put a gun in his luggage. He said it took him two years to get that cleared up because it was a federal offense.
Sam gave Howard a number for this woman Corey so Howard quickly called her. Howard asked her what it was like dating Sam. She said that they were both broke at the time. Howard told her that Sam just bought a $35,000 Corvette the other day. He also put a ton of money into his apartment even though he's renting it. Howard told Corey who Sam is hanging out with and how much money he's making.
Howard asked Corey if she ever thinks about the money. She said she really doesn't. She said she was lucky she got out of that relationship alive. Howard asked what happened. She said that Sam didn't do anything bad. Howard asked what it was. She said it was just one of those relationships where Sam was very demanding. Robin said it sounds like he's bad in a relationship and she doesn't get treated very well. Corey said she wouldn't use those words.
Howard asked Corey if Sam used her and then dumped her. Corey said he drove her crazy. She said that he wants to have every inches of your love and suck the life out of you. Howard said that's fine but if she had stuck with it then she would have had all of this money and she could have had a great life. Howard told her she gave all of that up.
Howard said Sam was saying that he wanted to satisfy her whole being. Howard said she wants her back now. He asked if she would take him back. Corey said that she thinks that she could still hang out with Sam even though they're just friends.
Corey told Howard that Sam spreads himself pretty thin. Howard said that sounds like his marriage. Corey said that Sam was doing things with other women though. Howard asked if he was a good lover. She didn't sound so positive about that. Sam said she actually taught him a lot. Howard said it sounds like Sam is good in bed.
Howard asked Corey what she does for a living. She said she's a script supervisor. Sam said he liked Corey but the gun in the suitcase wasn't cool. Corey said that was an accident. Sam told Howard that she looks like Natasha Kinsky with big breasts.
Howard thanked Corey for talking to them and wrapped up with her a short time later. Howard asked her if she had a request for a song to play as they were going out. She suggested ''Addicted to Love'' so Howard said he'd play it for her. Howard told Sam they had to end the show after that. They spent another minute talking and ended the show a short time later.
Robin's News And Sam Kinison Visits. 03/17/1988. 8:10am
Howard had Robin start her news shortly after they came back from break. She did a story about Honduras since they were talking about that early in the morning. She told Howard where it was on the map she was looking at. Howard said that he thinks that's where Sam Kinison was since he hadn't shown up yet. He said they actually know that he's on his way in.
Sam showed up in the middle of Robin's news report so Howard told the guys to bring him in. Howard said that Gary gave him a look that he didn't understand. Sam came in a short time later and Jackie was laughing his ass off for some unknown reason. Sam had a guy with him who he called the Jackie Martling of the West Coast.
Sam said that he was drunk and had been up all night because he wouldn't be able to wake up for the show. Sam told Howard he wasn't going to curse on the show. He had a few other people with him so Howard wondered if they had to stay. Sam said they didn't have to stay so he told some of them they could leave. He had one chick with him so Howard told him she could stay.
Sam was all over the place talking about how he's missed Howard and a bunch of other things. He said that he has been telling people how great he is and wondered why he didn't get any calls to do certain movies. Sam was pissed that he wasn't called about ''Good Morning Vietnam.'' Howard said that he wouldn't want people to see him watching that movie when he's a legend himself. He said he can't go to movies with the public anymore because he's gotten so popular.
Howard asked Sam if he wanted to call Bobcat Goldthwait this morning. Sam said he would love to do that. Howard had Bob's number so he said he might just do that. Sam was telling Howard about this guy Rick he had with him and how he was a cop. He offered to pay the guy double what he was getting paid as a cop and he's been with him ever since. Sam said that Rick ended up dragging a chick through the audience one night while he was doing a gig and her husband got involved and got his thumb broken. Sam said the people got arrested for felony assault so Rick is great.
Howard asked Sam about this movie he was supposed to be doing where he was playing an Eskimo. He was going to be working with some celebrities. Howard heard that when he read the premise of the movie, he thought it would be great for Sam. Sam said he must have been drunk and high when he agreed to do the movie. Sam said he did ''Back to School'' with Rodney Dangerfield and worked on their scene together. He said he rewrote his whole thing and made it funny. The movie did really well and he was one of the highlights of the movie even though he was only in it for 3 minutes.
Sam said that he turned down some movies like Howard the Duck where he would have done the voice. He said that would have been the end of his career if he had done that. Howard told Sam that he's turned down a lot of movies too. He said he was offered the chance to play a wacky weatherman who comes out as gay at the end of the movie. He wasn't going to do that.
Sam told Howard about how this certain director was doing Caddyshack 2 and Rodney Dangerfield had to walk off the movie because he didn't get along with the director. Sam was supposed to be in the movie but he walked off it with Rodney when they brought in Jackie Mason to replace him. He said that would be like doing a Rambo sequel with John Ritter instead of Sylvester Stallone.
Sam told Howard he signed on to do this new movie because he thought he'd be able to rewrite his lines to make it fit him. He said the money came in through his company so he should have been able to have control of it. Then his manager handed it over to a couple of guys who took control of the movie and wouldn't let him do what he wanted to do. Sam said he looked at the script a few weeks before they were going to shoot and he thought they were all set and ready to go. Then something happened with the director and he claimed that he knew nothing about the rewrites and wanted to go by the original script.
Sam said that he would do that if the guy agreed to sit next to him at the premiere so he could ask him if it was worth it to do something like that. Sam said he got fired and thrown out after that so that's why he was off the movie.
Sam said that they're all claiming that he didn't cooperate on the movie but that was a lie. He was also told that he had a contract that said they didn't have to pay him if he didn't go along with them. Sam said he busted his ass on that movie and that's a bunch of bull.
Howard said that this sounds like his FOX TV deal and how they screwed him over. He said he knows that Sam isn't lying because he sent through a similar situation. Sam said that they've been going off on him claiming that he was behaving despicably and stuff like that. Howard said he knows that Sam is telling the truth and he probably was screwed over.
Howard continued to talk about how Sam had gotten screwed over and he's on his way to being the biggest comedian ever. Sam said he's not Howie Mandel and doesn't want to be in a movie like ''Walk Like a Man'' like Howie was. He said he'd rather be in gay porn getting log slammed from behind before he'd do something like that. He said he wants to give his fans what they're looking for. Sam said that United Artists is trying to sue him for over $5 million. He said he rents his house and leases his car so he invited them to come after him.
Howard told Sam about Oliver Stone's office calling them up and asking for some tapes so they could have an actor study for a role he was doing. Howard said that he would have liked to have done the role himself. Sam said he has a great premise for a movie and he would like to do it with Howard. He said he's been talking to Bernie Brillstein about it. He didn't want to give the information out on the air. He said he'd tell him about it off the air instead. Howard agreed to do the movie without even hearing the premise.
Sam told Howard he was going to love this premise when he heard it. Howard asked him for some lines. Sam said that they could have Fred and Jackie punch it up a little bit if they needed it. Sam said he wanted to get American's do to the movie and not send it out anywhere else. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Sam Kinison Vs. Bobcat Goldthwait. 03/17/1988. 8:55am
Howard came back from break and spent more time talking to Sam about this movie idea he had. They ended up talking about Bobcat Goldthwait and Sam wanted to call him to yell at him.
Sam told Howard that he made $2.5 million last year just from touring. He said that he had some of the top grossing gigs of the year the previous year. He said his time was worth over $1200 per minute at one event. Robin told him that she was in love with him after hearing that.
Howard had Bobcat's phone number so he gave him a call so Sam could confront him. Bobcat was on the line so Howard told him that he had Kinison there. He said he was going to try and patch things up between them the last time he spoke to Bob. Bob told Howard to go ahead and patch away. After a minute Sam said that he was surprised that Bobcat hadn't hung up yet.
Sam asked Bobcat where he was calling from and found out he's out in Los Angeles. He held back on goofing on him a little bit. Howard said that these two guys think that the other one ripped off the other. Sam said that he doesn't think that they ripped each other off... Then he told Howard to go head with this happy reunion he had planned.
Sam said that Bob must be happy about the news about his career. Bob said he was asked to take Sam's spot in that movie he was kicked off of but he turned it down. He said he felt bad for Sam when he heard about it. Bob said he turned down a couple of the gigs that Sam had been rejected from because he didn't want to take any work from him. Sam said that he lost a few jobs in movies like ''Screwed'' and others.
Bobcat said that he didn't think that he and Sam have a similar act so he doesn't think that they have a problem. Sam said that he knows how to say no to bad, stupid movies that he knows are going to be shit. Howard said he can't hold that against Bob. Sam said that Bob tore him up in an interview he did where he called him ugly and stuff like that. That's where the interview went down hill. Sam started to go off on Bobcat for what he's said about him in the press while Bob said that Sam is the one bad mouthing him in the press.
Bobcat said that Sam had claimed that he ripped off his act but Sam said that he never said that. Sam told Bob that he was going to be in L.A. The next day so maybe they should talk then. Then Sam started getting angrier and angrier and threatened to beat Bobcat's ass on the set of his movie. Bob asked him what he was going to do and said he didn't want to fight him. Bob said he doesn't fight and doesn't carry a gun.
Sam said Bob probably wakes up wishing he could be him. He said he wasn't going to take this guy's crap and it was a bad idea to call him. Sam said that Bobcat thinks he's hot shit and he's really not. Howard told Bob he tried to get them back together but it didn't work and he was wrong. He said that the press has pitted the two of them against each other and now things are going all wrong.
Howard asked Sam if he was going to keep him in his movie after all of this. Sam was a little pissed off so Howard asked Bob where he was in all of this. Bob didn't have much to say. Sam said that he and Bob do have different acts but he doesn't deserve to be called the names that Bobcat has said about him in the press.
Bob asked if he could apologize for his comments and just forget about everything. Sam started to get pissed at Howard for backing out of everything and that's when Bob hung up and Sam said the F-word. Howard asked him not to do that to him on the air and freaked out when he cursed.
Sam said that Howard should get Bobcat back on the phone because he wanted to talk about him some more. Howard told Sam that he's going to be the greatest comic that ever lived and that's the way he thinks about him. He doesn't feel that way about anyone else. Sam whipped out his penis at that point. Sam said that he had to have a second of sexual gratification at that point while Howard was kissing his ass.
Howard and Sam went back and forth complimenting each other for a couple of minutes. Howard then called Bobcat back because Sam wanted him to back him up in all of this stuff. Howard called him but got his answering machine. Howard left a message telling Bob that he would never beat Sam because Sam is the king of comedy. Sam said a few words himself. Howard said he would never try to patch things up between guys like that again.
Howard said the worst part of his whole thing is that it took place during Jimmy Fink's time slot so he wasn't going to get the ratings for it. He told Sam he had showed up a little too late. Howard took some phone calls after that and one guy told Sam what a fan he was. Howard had to hang up on him because he was kind of annoying.
Another caller told Sam he saw him at a show and he was great. The guy also said that he had been listening to Howard for years. Sam told the guy to come out and see him at Rascals and to just knock on the back door telling them that he's the guy that called in.
Howard took another call from a woman who told Sam to be careful and make sure he doesn't get sent off to a mental home where he'd be tied up and labotomized. Howard was trying to find out what she was wearing and talked about what he would do to her if he got a hold of her.
Howard had to wrap up the show even though Robin hadn't gotten to much of her news. She said they did do the Honduras story though. Sam, who had been drinking wine all this time, was still kissing Howard's ass telling him he was going to put him in that movie he was talking about. Sam said his word is good and he will put him in that movie. Sam also said that he never would have hung up on Howard like Bobcat did. As Sam was talking about him Howard asked ''Bob who?'' as if he had forgotten all about Bobcat Goldthwait. A phone caller went along with that as well and pretended not to know who Bobcat was.
Howard said that since the people at Comic Relief had dissed Sam, he would never give money to the homeless again. Howard said that everyone is jealous of his career and he knows what that is like because he's had the same problems. He said that Sam is his best friend and continued to kiss his ass for a few minutes. He asked Sam to pull down his pants so he could stick his tongue up his ass as far as possible.
Sam told Howard he really appreciates him calling Bob and leaving that message earlier. He told Howard he will always love Howard and he'll always hate that guy Bobcat. Howard said that Sam has the brain of the best comedian around and not everyone uses that gift to do the right thing. He said that Sam turns down bad movies and doesn't get involved with the crap like certain other comedians do.
Howard said there is no more brilliant mind than this man Sam Kinison. He said that some day they will replay this tape and other comedians would listen to it and study him. The two of them continued to kiss each other's asses for a couple more minutes.
Sam said that he was done with the drugs at this point and he was only drunk on wine today. He said that he would always remember this day when Howard left that message on Bobcat's answering machine. Howard thanked Sam for saying that he has a big penis during the interview. He joked that when he was circumcised, they had to yell out ''timber!''
Howard was going to wrap up the show and give Jackie a plug but Sam mentioned his pal Mitchell who was there with him and how he would be at his show with him. They talked about coming up with a ''Bob Who?'' t-shirt to sell at the shows. Sam let out a couple of his classic ''Oh oh!'' yells as they were wrapping up.
Howard said Tom doesn't understand them. He said that he's worked for some real humps but Tom isn't a bad guy. He said he's just not creative. Howard said he has to stay out of the creative process. Howard said general managers make those mistakes.
Sam said he was in his room with 4 women. They all yelled hi. Sam put one of the girls on the phone and she said that Tom was so disrespectful to Sam. Howard asked if she was in bed with Sam last night. She said that's none of his business. Sam said that it is his business. Sam said this is show business. Sam told the girls to let him handle the show business stuff.
Howard said Dee Snider called him and told him that he had dissed Bobcat yesterday. Sam said they made history yesterday with that. He said that Rascals had a record number of people calling in to see his show. He said that Tom will never understand that.
Howard told Sam about a Daily News letter about him. Sam told Howard that he thinks they made radio history and people think that Howard has re-taken the radio throne. Sam said people don't know what's really going on. Howard got to the letter and read what the guy was saying about how great Sam is. Howard said he really digs that. Sam sounded happy about it too.
Howard and Sam were telling each other how much they like each other. Howard thanked Sam for that. Howard said Dee was saying that he and Sam were making love to one another but they both love each other and there's nothing wrong with that. Howard asked Sam if he wanted to yell at Tom. Sam said he can do that but Tom won't understand. Howard said he could have mediated this if he was there yesterday. Sam said he gave Tom a hard time. He said that Robin must have wanted him right then. Robin said he was powerful.
Howard asked Sam what he's going to do with these girls. Sam was being distracted by some of the girls who were talking to him while he was on with Howard. Howard told him to just go back to the girls. Sam wanted to keep talking. Howard asked Sam how he did last night. Sam said he did great. He told Howard how great it went for him.
Howard told Sam he had Tom in the studio. Sam talked about this commercial he was sold and how they had him do something completely different. Howard said Tom did the wrong thing. Sam said that wasn't the commercial they told him they were going to make. He said he played his guitar in the commercial and they didn't include that.
Howard asked how many naked breasts Sam can see right now. Sam asked the girls and they started taking their tops off. Tom walked out. Howard asked where he was going. Sam was going off on Tom about how lame he is. Tom came back and Sam asked if the commercial they watched together is the same one that aired. Tom said ''Basically, yeah.'' Sam talked to him about how they changed it and made it look like he can't play guitar. Howard said it sounds like they showed him a commercial and then went back and cut it a different way behind his back. Sam said he doesn't blame Tom for that. He said he thinks they just put the station information over his guitar playing. He said they butchered the concept.
Sam said he didn't do that commercial to sell out his image. He said he did it because of his relationship with Howard Stern. He said he has turned down commercials for Dodge and other things and he doesn't sell out his image. He said he understands it if they don't want it air him anymore. Howard said he always wants him on the show. Tom said he wants him on the show too. Howard kicked Tom out after that.
Howard and Sam talked more about the Bobcat call from the day before. Howard said they'll just leave it at this and say that Sam is a genius. Howard said he'll see him in Los Angles. Howard let Sam go a short time later. Howard said he loves when he rips into Tom. He said he gets just the right amount of anger going. Howard said he should go out on the road and let Sam yell at people.
After an edited out break Howard got word that Sam wanted to come on again. Howard called Sam back and got him on again. Sam said he didn't like what he was hearing and thought that they had his back. Sam said that they were talking about how Bobcat is a good guy and all of that. Howard said he was saying that Sam is the best comedian out there. Sam said he loves Howard. He said he's had nothing but great things to say about Howard. Sam said he felt he was apologizing for what he said to Bobcat. Howard and Sam went back and forth with that for a few more minutes before wrapping up.
In the clip Sam was on the phone talking to Howard about his Larry King appearance. Howard said some nice things about him in that appearance. Sam said he has to agree that he is the best out there. Sam said Howard is the king and long may he reign. Howard thanked Sam for that. Howard said his enemies are few but he's glad that Sam is there by his side. Howard said he would do everything for Sam except take a bullet for him. He said he's not as brave as Sam is.
Sam told Howard that Billy Idol wants to do a scene with him in his movie. Sam told Howard about the part and what was going to happen. Howard said he thought he was co-starring with him. Sam said he'll do whatever Howard wants. Howard said it sounds like he's just going to be doing a radio show with Billy in the movie.
Sam told Howard that his little brother took his own life on Friday. He said he shot himself in the head. Sam said they told him not to do Rascals but he had to do it. Howard asked if it was a bit. Sam said he wishes to god it was. Sam said his brother Kevin was only 28. Howard said he met Kevin. Sam said he had to tell him about this.
Howard said that Sam might be in denial and he might need some time to himself. Sam said he had a great life. He said he never worried about what he would say to him. Sam said his brother did everything he wanted to do. He said they rocked and rolled together. He said they had the funeral in Tulsa. He said that he wants to come out and hang out together. He said he and Howard made radio history the last time they were together.
Howard told Sam if he wanted to laugh he should listen to the rest of the show. Sam and Howard told each other that they're the best over and over throughout the conversation.
Sam told Howard that he won't do the Tonight Show because the guy who books the show wants him it kiss ass and he won't do it. Howard applauded him for that.
Sam said he will do Howard's show. He said that people yell out his name at every show he does now. Sam said he's in a distraught condition right now and he's not even sure how to lie at this point. Sam said it felt good to be honest.
Howard said he did tell Larry King that he thinks Sam is the best comedian out there. He said he feels bad for Sam after this brother story he told. Sam said he didn't mean to bum anyone out. Sam told Howard how cold he can be like when he was talking to Richard Simmons.
Howard asked Sam if he has any girls over there. Sam said he's got friends over there talking to him and crying over his brother. Howard said they'll call him another time. Sam just kept going on and on about how great Howard is and how much he loves him. Howard let him go a short time later.
In the clip Sam showed up to the show after 10 in the morning. Sam said he was stuck in traffic. Howard said they just lay down and accept the traffic problem there. Sam said he got there and they were handing out driver's licenses like cards.
Howard told Sam he looks great. He said he had a new cap on and he looks tan and healthy. He said he senses a change. Sam said that's because his brother blew his brains out since the last time he saw him. Howard said something good came out of it. Sam thanked his brother Kevin for that. Sam said they figured out that his brother went to see a Bobcat Goldthwait film festival and that's why he killed himself.
Sam told Howard that some weird things happened since his brother killed himself. He said his bother had a suitcase with boots in them. He said someone unzipped the suitcase and the boots came out on their own. Howard was in the middle of a live commercial so he had to finish that up.
Howard asked Sam about buying a house in Malibu and how he's paying for this stuff. Sam mentioned the Bobcat stuff again and how shitty his movies are. Howard said he's been reading so well because he filled in for Shadoe Stevens for a week on Hollywood Squares. Howard said he learned a lot out there.
Sam showed Howard a note that Robin gave him when she was out in Los Angeles. She gave him her room number at the hotel she was staying at. Howard said that was her handwriting. Sam asked why she would give that to him. Robin said that was a note meant for Arsenio Hall. Sam said he just snaked him out of an award. Sam said that he was supposed to host the MTV awards but Arsenio got the gig. He said it was supposed to be between him and John Candy. He said that Doug Hertzog is the guy that screwed him. Howard had his number so he gave him a call. Howard got a woman on the line who said he was at a different office. Howard got that number and gave him a call there.
Doug Hertzog's secretary picked up so Howard asked to speak to him. She said she would see if Doug was available. Howard said he has to talk to him about big gums Arsenio Hall. Howard and Sam spent a minute talking waiting for Doug to get on but no one was there.
Howard said that he heard that Sam and Jessica Hahn had a great time on their flight. Howard said he can't imagine he'd do that to be friends. Howard asked how she is. Sam said that he's not usually thrown off by questions but he's thrown off by this one. Howard was once stuck in a hotel room with her and nothing happened.
Doug's secretary got on and said that he was out shopping for clothes right now. Howard said that she has to be making that up. Howard asked the secretary about why Doug would do what he did to Sam. She said that they should talk to Steve Leeds about that. Howard said he wants to leave a message for Doug. He told her to ask why he'd hire ''billboard gums'' over Sam Kinison. She said she will pass the word on. Howard let her go a short time later.
Howard said he and Sam have to hang out. He said he hopes Sam can keep up with him. Sam said no one can keep up with him in this forum.
Howard and Sam talked about Richard Belzer but Howard didn't know that Sam was upset with him. Sam said that Belzer didn't thank him for the New Year's Eve gig he got them. He said the guy just left before even saying goodbye.
Howard told Sam he turned down a movie role the other day. He said he didn't feel it was right for him. Sam said that he has to save himself for his movie. He said that movie is going to be huge.
Howard said that he has to read this article to Sam. In the article Bobcat Goldthwait was talking about their infamous call and what he thinks about Sam. He thinks that Sam is going to die soon if he doesn't sober up. Sam said he's sobered up but Bobcat's movies still suck.
Howard played some audio of an interview he did with Whoopi Goldberg. They were talking about the Bobcat call and the way he was treated on the show. Bob Geldoff was also sitting in on that interview. Howard was saying that he thinks Bob is brilliant in that clip but he also said that Sam is funnier. Howard said he wanted Whoopi to admit that Sam is funny. She wasn't saying that. She was talking about how Sam was a friend but he wanted to slap her in the face. She said that wasn't very fair but she invited him to try it anytime, anywhere.
Sam told Howard about this guy who wrote the article that Whoopi was referring to and he went off on that guy a little bit. Sam said these people think he's going to die soon but he's doing just fine. Howard said he does look healthier than ever.
Howard asked Sam if he wanted to talk to Belzer. Sam said he didn't want to do that. Howard said he did try to get Whoopi to talk about him.
Howard and Sam talked about Jessica Hahn some more and Sam said that Robin was the one who brought her to him like a sacrificial lamb. Howard said he has to play some bumpers for Jimmy Fink. Howard asked if he heard the Karen Carpenter story bit they did. Sam said he did not hear that. Howard said he'd take a break and come back and play that for him.
Howard gave Sam some plugs for some upcoming appearances. Sam said he heard some of the stuff Robin said about him the day after he was on last. Howard told Sam about Jessica Hahn being on Larry King and telling him that their relationship was strictly plutonic. Howard said he knew she had done him a bunch of times when she said that.
Howard said that he was talking about Sam's brother. Sam said his bother waited for everyone to leave and went and did his thing while they were gone. He said he was bored and wanted out. He said he had seen too many Police Academy's and he wanted to take his life. Howard tried contacting Kevin from the dead. He was asking Kevin if he was out there. Howard said he was getting a message and he said that Whoopi's hair made him pull the trigger. Howard said that Sam will be back tomorrow. He said he'd play the Karen Carpenter bit for him then. Howard and Sam continued to talk for a few more minutes before ending the show.
In the clip Howard was talking to Leslie West when Sam showed up. Howard also had Papa John Phillips sitting in so he was talking to all three of them.
Howard said that people are wondering who is going to be next on the show, Sam or Tiffany. Howard said he's trying to keep it a mystery. Howard said they have 900 chairs in there. Howard said there's one girl charging around in there pretending to do stuff. Howard said Gary is having a nervous breakdown. He said they used to have control over this stuff. Sam said they're starting to call this the beer hall tour.
Howard said he saw Sam's Letterman appearance on Friday night and he didn't get the feeling he was comfortable. Sam said it's tough to work clean for him. He said the way they have the chairs set up Dave has a 4 foot height difference. Howard said you want to nod out for a couple of minutes when you're on that show. He said he has to be on when he's there though.
Sam said that he has a thing with Howard that he doesn't have with anyone else. Howard said he has to call the Rolling Stone guy later. He said he knows what went wrong there and he'll talk about that later. Howard said that Christy knows Sam and she's carrying Sam's baby as they know. He said he was just joking about that though.
Howard said that Christy was being interviewed by the guy from Rolling Stone. Howard said they should never let a reporter come to your home. He said that's the first thing that they should have learned. Sam said they were suckered in by this guy. Howard said they called the reporter up at one point and he sent them the notes about Sam yelling at him. Howard said it's the funniest thing he's ever read. Sam said that guy faxed them to everyone.
Howard said that the reporter picked up on everything satanic that Sam has ever practiced. Sam said he's never practiced that. Howard said he saw him burn a goat once. Robin said that was probably a meal he was cooking.
Sam said that he should have met this guy in a pet shop instead of at his home. Sam said that might be the guy's favorite kind of place to visit. He warned all of the pet shops in the New York area to beware of that guy. Howard said he's not saying that this guy is a homosexual. Sam said he's not. He said he's not sure the guy could find a date even that way.
Howard said he was lecturing Christy earlier about this. Howard said that she was saying stuff that she really didn't mean. Sam said he's pretty sure he had already written the article before he even did the interview. He said he was just looking for stuff that would fit into the article. Howard said they do make you do weird stuff. He said they forced him into a devil costume once. Howard said we all make mistakes.
Sam said he was driving this guy back to town and he lives in a house in the woods so he left the gun for the girls to protect themselves. He said the writer didn't write it that way. He said he made it into something different. Sam said the guy was making up a bunch of things in the article.
Howard asked Sam what happened at the airport the other day. Sam said that some prankster put pot in their bags and they caught them at the airport. Howard asked if it was Bobcat. Sam said he's not sure who it was. Sam said they were all saying the bags weren't theirs. Sam said that the clothes in his bag looked like his but it couldn't possibly be his bag. He said this guy was very clever.
Howard said that Sam is paying these guys to take a fall for him. Sam said he feels great to be off of that stuff. He said it's day one but he thinks he's going to make it. Howard said Leslie West is supposed to be off of that stuff too. Sam said the letters on his luggage were LW so maybe that was his stuff.
Howard said they have to take a break and maybe get naked next. Howard asked Sam if the luggage had luggage from the Forgotten Woman in it. Sam laughed. They went to break a short time later.
After the edited out break Howard came back and talked to Sam during a commercial. They were talking about a show that Sam wanted to be on and how they were giving him a hard time.
Howard asked how long the guys were going to be filming in there. Sam said he's not sure. He said they're going to all be famous. Howard said he kind of liked that Sam thanked him on his album. Sam said the guys in Chicago won't even play his album because of that. Sam said they asked why they weren't on the album. He said he told them why he didn't put them on it. Howard said this show will be on in Chicago soon enough and then they'll see who the king is.
Howard said they're filming a movie in the studio. Robin said she was watching the camera work. Howard said it reminds him of the days at Club Bene. Howard said maybe they should film him for 5 minutes and film Sam the rest of the day.
Howard asked Sam about his relationship with Malika and Sabrina. Sam said that they won't deny or confirm anything. Sam said that's what they told him to say. Howard said that both of them must be in bed with him and they're not filming that. Sam said they should film that. Howard said he would like to give some input on what to film. He said Sam nailed that Jessica Hahn and they didn't get that on tape either. Sam said he fell asleep inside of her so maybe they don't need that.
Howard told Gary to get Jessica on the phone. Gary came in with a phone number for her. Howard didn't get to her right away. Howard said that Sam goes around with this Malika and Sabrina. Sam said they have slept together. Howard said that he knows they've all been in bed together. Sam said he can't confirm or deny... but he did laugh like that cartoon dog that wheezes.
Howard said that Sam has had those two girls. He asked to smell his fingers. Sam told him to pick a finger. He said he might have several flavors there like Baskin Robins. Howard said they have to take a break.
After the edited out break Howard came back and talked to Sam a little more. He said that the guys filming them aren't too distracting are they? Howard laughed. They were talking about this special that they're filming and if they're going to be going to other radio guys. Sam said that they won't be going to any other radio shows to film.
Howard told Sam that they put in ''KROQ'' on the album but it's actually K-Rock in New York. Sam said he didn't know that. He said he's going to make the change on the album. Howard said as long as his name is on there he's fine with it.
Howard talked to this guy Marty about getting him in the film. Howard said he wants to roll around on Sam's lap on his car. Howard said that Marty has done some other videos too. Howard thanked him for coming in and let him go a short time later.
Howard asked Robin how she thought he looked. Robin said he looks great. Howard said he didn't know they were coming in with a film crew today. Sam said he traveled all night to be there. He was on a bus the whole time.
Howard asked Sam if he works out with weights. Sam said he does. He had food in his mouth as he was talking. Howard asked Sam how much it costs to have a film crew with him. Sam said it's a lot. Howard asked if the people at HBO are helping. Sam said they want to see it before they pay for it. He has to put his own money up for it.
Howard said they're going to call Jessica and then call the Rolling Stone guy. Howard said that Sam is going to be playing with Leslie West tomorrow night. Sam said it's a benefit show but Leslie is the only one who wanted to get paid. Howard said maybe he didn't know it was a benefit show. Howard said Leslie has his own problems. Howard said the show should be great. Howard said he'd like to go but it's during the week.
Howard said that he wanted to listen to Power Cuts before calling Jessica. Howard played the audio of Jessica as an entertainment reporter for that show. Howard was laughing as she was talking about some music news. Howard said she's working and making an honest living. Sam said he wasn't saying anything about her. Howard asked how many times he had her. Sam said he may or may not have had her. Howard said Sam is busy reading notes.
Howard called Jessica but got her answering machine. Howard asked if she was there but she wasn't picking up. Howard called back to hear a name she had on the answering machine. It was something like Carla Lundine. Sam pretended to fall asleep when they called her.
Howard called back and asked Jessica to pick up again. Howard asked what was up with her not picking up. Howard said she must be there.
Howard said they have to call the Rolling Stone guy too. Howard said they have to call him and find out what's up with that article they wrote. Howard said they should read the article too.
Howard tried calling the guy from Rolling Stone. He wasn't picking up either. Howard got his answering machine too. Howard left him a message saying that they were on the air and they wanted to talk to him. Howard said David was afraid that he would gang up on him with Sam. Howard said he would try to keep things under control if he did come on the show.
Howard read a letter that Sam wrote to the guy from Rolling Stone. They went over some of the points he made in that letter and Sam was telling Howard about all of the stuff this guy put in the article that he didn't need to put in there. He said he was doing some positive stuff and they didn't bother to put that in the article.
Howard said he had a weird experience. He said he doesn't do any newspaper interviews anymore. He said he just tells people he won't do that and they love you even more. Howard said he gave 3 interviews before his pay-per-view event and he had full control over the articles. He said he's been burned so many times that he had to do it that way.
Howard played an example of how he got burned by one reporter. That guy was telling his viewers about how his 7 year old son hear the Howard Stern Show and he was hearing filth that he wasn't able to keep out of his home. Howard said this guy is really paranoid. The report goes on to bash Howard and his show over the X-rated content. Howard said the guy thinks that it's young kids listening. Howard said that guy's name is Douglas Kiker. He said his name bashes a whole race of people. Howard goofed on him for a minute.
Howard said that Sam let this guy into his house and that leads to you letting your guard down. Sam said that nothing positive was used in that article... ever. Sam said there are guys out there that hate him and this guy had to go out and dig them up. Howard said that's like the people at DC-101 who hate him and are still there. Howard said they haven't moved up in the world at all. Howard said the article had some good moments. Sam said the guy was trying to cover himself. They went to break a short time later.
After that they played more of the February 13, 1989 show with Howard and Sam. Howard was doing a live commercial and had Sam sitting in and commenting on that. Sam said that some radio guys will do any endorsements but not Howard. Howard said he's a total whore. He said he should be in bed with those three girls.
Howard moved on to make some phone calls. Howard called one guy who didn't pick up and give ''the phrase that pays.'' The caller said he had to go to a funeral last week so he wasn't able to listen to the show. Howard said he can't bring him to L.A. then. The guy was bummed out about it. He said his aunt really did die. Howard ended up hanging up on the guy so he didn't have to hear him whining anymore.
Howard called another person and when they picked up she said the phrase that pays and won the trip. The phrase was ''I would like to thank Jesus Christ for saving my soul and I've gone through the whole rigmarole.'' Sam thought the phrase that pays was pretty funny. Howard said that girl has been answering her phone the whole time. Howard told the woman, Lynn, that she was going to California. She asked when they leave. Howard told her to get excited. Howard said that would be funny if she answered the phone like that every time. Howard said Lynn should pray to Jesus for saving her soul because she went through the whole rigmarole.
Howard asked Sam where he's going to be next week. Sam said he's going to be wishing that he'd be in California with Howard. He said maybe he should give him the keys to his Malibu house. Howard asked Lynn about what she looks like and found out she's 40. Howard said he thinks he dialed the wrong number. Howard said she is not the winner. Howard said they meant to call someone else. Sam said this is a horrible tragedy. It's even worse than the Hindenburg. He had Howard cracking up and laughing at that. Howard and Sam were cracking each other up with their comments.
Howard asked Lynn if she's going to bring her husband. Lynn told him that she will and she looks younger than her age. Howard asked what her husband does. She said he's a musician and a piano teacher. Howard said Lynn also won the chance for her husband to play on stage with Sam doing Wild Thing. Sam said he didn't even know they were giving that away. Howard and Sam had some fun goofing around with the piano teacher idea. They were goofing on that and Howard said he can't wait to see this woman. He said she's their last winner.
Howard spent some time talking about Whoopi Goldberg and goofing on her. Sam did an impression of her that was so good it fooled Howard. Howard said he thought it was Fred doing the impression. They had some fun goofing on her for a short time.
Howard saw a picture of Sam from high school and he said he looked really good. Sam said he actually had a jaw line back then. Howard and Sam goofed on Whoopi some more during that discussion.
Howard said because of Sam's great fame it's easy for him to get a woman. Howard said if he was an accountant and his weight had ballooned then would he allow himself to get heavy. Sam said no. Howard said Sam is heavy but he carries it well. Howard said he's just saying he's kind of bulky. Howard said if Sam were to lose 30 pounds then he'd be in good shape. Jackie said he thinks if it was 15 pounds it would be great. Howard said Jackie is losing some weight himself.
Howard took some calls for Sam. One woman said she wanted to run her fingers through Sam's hair. Sam asked which section. She said she really does want to meet him and do that. Howard asked Sam how he met the two sisters. Sam said he took them away from someone who didn't deserve them. Sam said they wouldn't know the person.
Howard told this woman that she could come down there tomorrow. Sam was going to be back. Howard asked what she would do if she came down. She said she would do anything to please Sam. Howard asked if she'll get topless for Sam. She said that she would only do it for Sam. No one else. Howard asked what she'll do. She said she's only doing it for Sam. She said her name is Antonia. She said she's gorgeous and she has long hair and she thinks that they would have a great time together. She said she'd make love every hour of every day if he wanted her. Sam said this sounds too good to be true.
Howard asked Antonia if she has implants. She said they're real. Howard asked Sam if he wanted her to come down. Sam said he would like to meet her. She said she'll come in and wear nothing under her coat. She said that's just for Sam though.
Howard said Sam has an otter in his pants all of a sudden. Sam laughed. Antonia said she loves his laugh. Howard told her not to let them down and not show up. She said she won't. She said she'll be there. Howard put her on hold so Gary could give her more information.
Howard asked Antonia what she's going to wear. She said she's not sure yet. She said she'll go shopping and get something new today. Howard put her on hold a short time later. Howard told Sam he'd better show up tomorrow. Sam said he's there.
Howard took some calls so he could give away some tickets to Sam's show. He gave some sets away to a couple of people. Howard said Sam is going to come in tomorrow and Tom is going to have to buy him breakfast again. Howard said Tom is going to hate that. He said Tom didn't want to buy breakfast but it makes the guests happy.
Howard said that Sam yelled at Tom once. He said he yelled at him for like a half hour. Howard said Tom just stood there and took it. He thought Sam was kidding.
Howard said the caller is going to sit right in the front row of this show with Sam. He told the guy not to heckle.
Howard asked Robin if she had any news. Robin had some stories to go through. Robin read about transvestites and the scientific name for it ''Parapheliac.'' Robin said they say that 40 percent of the men they surveyed said they wanted to wear women's clothing. Sam asked if they asked the people on Fire Island. Robin said it was actually in Washington DC.
Sam asked if Howard has ever had that urge to wear women's clothing. Howard said he never has but his mom made him wear her underwear to school once. Sam said he had to wear a Kotex on his leg once. He said he had a cut on his leg and his mother didn't know any better.
Howard said he wore his mother's underpants and they were huge. He said he didn't have any clean underpants so that's why he had to wear them.
Howard asked the guys were they were going. Sam had to go do another show. Howard said he thought the show was sold out. Sam said he has to do the Charlie Rose show. He said this is for the national thing. Sam said he has to take what he can to get the word out about the Rolling Stone article.
Gary came in and told Howard he had a very angry Mrs. Stern on the phone. Howard said it was his mom. He picked up on Ray who said that he has to say positive things about her. Howard said his phone level is too low. He said that his mother doesn't speak low.
Howard told his mother that she'd better not say that she didn't make him wear her underwear. Ray said she did not do that. Howard said she did too. Sam said their parents have a very selective memory. Howard told his mom that she doesn't remember him burying his underpants either. He said that she just doesn't remember it. Ray said he doesn't remember many things but all of a sudden he remembers wearing her underwear. Howard said his dad made him pull down his pants to check him for hernia too. Ray said she did nothing but treat him great growing up.
Howard said he remembers the underpants thing and the hernia check. He said his dad had his hand on his penis with his pants down. Howard said Sam's mother is under control. Sam said mom's always win. He said that he might as well surrender.
Howard said his mother took his temperature rectally until he was like 18. Howard said he didn't want her to see his tuchus. Howard said he didn't want her to see his buttocks and the hair growth. Ray said she's not going to talk to him anymore if he doesn't say 5 positive things. Howard said that she was checking his temperature like every day of the week. Howard said she'd whip out a bottle of A&D ointment for his ass. Howard said he was a lot older than he should have been for that.
Howard said he can't imagine that his dad was good in bed. Ray said that's not something he should be imagining. Howard said he will never know love from his mother. He said no matter what he does she tells him not to do it. Howard said he loves his mother but that's not the point. Ray asked what the point is. Howard said he suffered some humiliations over the years. He said that he did see his sister dance naked in her room. Howard said they went to the zoo once. He said he saw his sister get naked again. Howard said this is what he had to grow up with. Howard said he had gas and he wasn't able to fart in front of his father.
Howard said he went to see Barbarella with his dad. He was like 15 years old at the time. He said they were going to pal around and that's the movie his dad brought him to. He said that he was just discovering his sexuality and that's what he saw. He said his dad had his had on his lap the whole time. Ray said that she has to go. Howard said he loves his mommy and said he'll call her later. Howard let her go a short time later.
Howard said his mom hops to for anything that his dad wants. He said her whole life revolves around his father and him. Howard said he just got a note about Sam needing to get out of there. Sam said he'll be back tomorrow.
Robin read through some more news. Sam stuck around for a few more minutes while she did that. Sam and Howard had each other cracking up joking about some of the stories Robin was reading.
Robin read one story about Gary Coleman and Sam referred to him as the ''black Tom Thumb'' which made Howard laugh. They spent a short time talking about him and the quality of life he must have.
Robin read about Tom Hanks having an issue with Henry Winkler over a movie they were making together. Hanks had Winkler removed from the project.
Mark Coppola came in to cover for Meg Griffin. Howard said hi to Mark and spent a minute talking to him. Robin didn't realize it was that late in the morning.
Howard said Mark's brother is Nicolas Cage. Howard said that Mark likes it when they make fun of his brother. Howard said he liked Nicolas in Birdie but nothing else. Howard said Mark has some really famous family. Howard said he is the star in his own family but Mark has to do a lot to stand out in his family. Robin said he does stand out because everyone in his family is so successful. Robin said to fail is the stand out. Howard said as far as he's concerned Mark is the stand out in his family.
Sam said they're pulling him out of there now. Howard said he'll see him tomorrow. Sam said he'll be back in the morning. He said he'll see them then. Howard said they have Emo, Dick Van Patten and other guests coming in. Howard let Sam go a short time later.
After that they played audio from the February 14, 1989 Howard Stern Show. Howard had Sam in the studio with Emo Phillips. Howard also had Jessica Hahn on the phone. Howard said Sam was there with both of his girls Malika and Sabrina.
Jessica said that Howard is an instigator and he says things that just get them to say more stuff. Howard said he's not instigating anything. Jessica told Sam she misses him. Howard said this is kind of awkward. Jessica said they're just friends. Sam asked where she is now. Jessica said she's in Phoenix. She said she's going to be in L.A. next week.
Howard asked Jessica why they didn't talk to her about the Rolling Stone article. Sam said she would have said positive things, that's why. Jessica said that's true.
Howard asked Emo if he's going to put out any songs on his album. Emo said he did have one on his album and it's called the Animal Square Dance. He said it didn't hit as big as Sam's did.
Howard wanted to talk to Sam's two girls. Howard said he knew that Malika was good looking but he didn't get a good look at Sabrina. Howard said she has to be braless today. Sam said she's only 17. Howard said he was laying in bed fantasizing about what his life is like. Howard put Jessica on hold for now. Howard said he sees that Sam has a reporter with him today. Sam said she's a friend and she's been a friend for years.
Sam said he wants to buy some gerbils and send them over to that reporter from Rolling Stone. Howard said he thinks they should have a listener who would do that.
Howard said he can't believe that Sam gets these girls. Howard asked how old Malika is. Sam said she's 24. Howard said he wants to interview them. They won't confirm or deny anything according to Sam.
Howard said they're sisters and that's his fantasy. Howard said he's never had two girls at one time. Sam said he can't believe that. Howard said Malika is laughing at him. Howard said that's real nice. Emo asked if Siamese twins count. Howard said that does count.
Howard had Dick Van Patten come in and had Jessica back on the phone. They spent a few minutes talking about Jessica. Howard said he thinks that 8 Is Enough was a great show. He asked Dick if he knew that Sam and Jessica made love. Dick said he didn't know that.
Howard told Dick about how Sam fell asleep inside of Jessica. Jessica told Howard to stop. She asked Sam to make him stop. Sam said he has no control. Howard asked Sam if Jessica's breasts felt any different with the implants. Sam didn't say. He said that Howard backed down from making a move on her. Sam said at least he fell asleep in her. He didn't fail to get her.
Howard asked Dick if he was interested in any of this. Dick said he was. Jessica said she's going to kill Howard. Howard said that this show is tough to orchestrate.
Howard said he saw Dick on the 700 Club once. Dick said he has had sex so this conversation is fine. Howard said sex isn't all it's cracked up to be. Dick said he's been with the same woman for 35 years. Howard said Sam has two sisters who are in bed with him every night. He had Jessica too. Sam said it's not as fun as it sounds.
Howard asked Dick if he was tempted to run off with one of the daughters from 8 Is Enough. Dick said he was not. Howard said Dick is there to talk about a game show he's doing. Howard said he came up with it while hanging out with a bunch of celebrity friends. Howard asked why people don't come and play games with him. Sam said that's because he doesn't tell anyone where he lives.
Dick told Howard about the game and played it with Sam for a minute. Howard said he has to take a break and then come back with Jessica. Howard spent a few more minutes talking to Dick and Jessica. Dick said they are going to create a pilot out of that game show idea. The game is called ''Personal Preference.''
Howard said that Sam can play this game with Dick. He had some cards that he had to put in order for Dick. Howard and Sam talked about that for a short time. Howard said he didn't get anything off of Jessica while Sam got her ''gyro'' down there. Sam said he never said anything about that. Howard said all he got was a kiss from Jessica.
Howard said Sam used Jessica like a pin cushion. Sam said he feels like Jesus between the two thieves right now. Howard said maybe they're playing this game wrong. Dick said that Howard has to guess what order Sam will put the people in. Jessica said she can't do this. She didn't want to put the names in any order.
Howard said he has to give Jessica the names. Jessica said she'll never hear the end of it if she does it. Howard gave her Howard Stern, Sam Kinison, Gene Profetta and John Tower. Jessica said that Howard and Sam are together. Howard said maybe he and Sam alone.
Jessica said she's home alone and Sam did wish her a Happy Valentine's day. Howard said that's fine. She can put Sam ahead of him. Howard asked Sam about falling asleep inside of Jessica. Sam said he didn't want to talk about that.
Howard kept asking Sam about why he fell asleep in Jessica. Sam said he was just exhausted. He said he doesn't kiss and tell though. Howard said he did the other day. Sam said he's a gentleman.
Howard said when he was alone with Jessica in a hotel room she was wearing a mini-dress and a t-shirt. He said the mini-skirt was tiny and he's pretty sure she didn't have a bra on. Howard said there was a bra but it wasn't on her. Howard said he wondered if he was going to attack her but he didn't do anything like that. Jessica said she was the one using the phone and Howard was the one who was blowing out his hair or something. Howard let Jessica go a short time later. Emo said goodbye to her and said he's sorry for falling asleep on her.
Howard asked Dick if he had slept with Jessica. Dick said no so Emo said he'll have to leave then because this is a special show. Dick had to leave a short time later.
Howard said that Malika gets to sit at Sam's side at different functions. What does Sabrina do. Sam said she sits on the other side. Howard asked if there's any rivalry there. The girls said there isn't any. Howard said he's just trying to figure out how to get this all going.
Howard said Sam must have been Sabrina's first. She wasn't saying. Sam said she's so pretty. He was helping her out with her headphones. Robin said Sam was becoming Joe Piscopo with the baby talk all of a sudden.
Howard asked Sabrina about school and if she's dropped out. She told Howard that Sam is her teacher. Howard asked what she learns from Sam. She told Howard some of the stuff she's learning. Howard said he admires Sam. Howard asked what kind of allowance they get. Sam pulled out a few hundred bucks. Robin said it's her day for allowance too.
Howard said that Emo and Sam are great guests. Howard said Emo said that Judy Tenuta doesn't like Roseanne. Sam said that she's not thrilled with her stealing her act. Sam said that Roseanne got a lot of her act from Judy. Sam said he wants to see Roseanne go down in flames with that TV show of her's. Howard said he had tape of her crying while talking to Barbara Walters. He played that clip a short time later. Roseanne broke down crying when she was talking about her family. Sam said she's a witch and a manipulator. Howard said he thinks that she's gotten carried away with herself. Sam said he thinks that Roseanne is Louie Anderson. He said it's just Roseanne with a wig on. He said maybe it's the other way around and Louie is Roseanne. They wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
After that they played a show clip from February 15, 1989. This is my rundown of what happened that day from a History of Howard Stern show in 2008:
After that we heard a K-Rock clip where Judy Tenuta showed up while Sam Kinison, Pat McCormick, Chuck McCann, Jack Ryan and Penn Jillette were in the studio. Howard told Judy she's getting better and better looking to him. Judy said that he's never going to get her. Howard said that he thinks that he wants to sleep with her.
Howard introduced Judy to the guys and tried talking to her about Emo Phillips. Sam kept interrupting her so Judy told him to stop interrupting her. Sam was goofing on Judy a little bit and said that he has been ignoring women in comedy for some time now so he wasn't paying attention to her.
Howard brought up Emo again and tried asking her about him but Sam was making fun of the guy and it was hard to talk to Judy. Judy seemed to be getting upset about it as they were doing that. Howard said that Judy has a great body but she disguises it with the clothes she wears.
Sam said that Robin had the biggest tits he's ever seen and said that they're like the size of his ass. Howard asked Judy if she would date anyone out there or is she picky. Judy said that she won't date just anyone.
Howard said he had to start the news after that. He was trying to get into that but Sam was goofing on Judy and telling her not to expect her femininity to save her. Sam told Judy that he's found it impossible to live with women as love mates. Howard said he thought there was some sexual tension there. Sam said that must be what it is. He said that Emo must have been a real disappointment in her life. Judy shot back and said that at least she doesn't go to day care centers to find her dates.
Sam continued to go off on Judy and threatened to tell some story about something that had gone out in Denver. Judy said that he's making stuff up. Sam said ''Oh yeah... I'm Mr. Bluff...'' Sam wouldn't let up on Judy and Howard told her that he's not going to give up until Judy sleeps with him. Sam said that Penn could make Emo disappear.
After an edited out break we heard Howard and Penn doing a card trick and Penn telling Judy to take off her top. Judy got up and walked out of the studio after that. Howard wondered what had just happened. Sam told Judy that because of her she'll never joke again. Sam asked her to come back but he said that she's a ''focus pig'' and she was stealing the focus of the show. Gary said that she was nervous about coming in with all of the guys in there.
Sam said it was just an easy way for Judy to get out of there. Robin said that Judy was very upset with the guys. Sam said that if you can't take the heat then you get out of the kitchen. Robin said that she was upset about what they were saying about her. Sam said that she should be able to take it. Howard said he didn't even sense that she was upset. He said he must be out of it. Robin said that she didn't think it was real until she went out into the hall.
Sam continued to goof on Judy saying that maybe it was PMS that caused her to walk out. Sam said that was a very sexist thing to say but laughed at himself for saying it. Penn said that he was going nuts because of Sam and it was all coming down on him because of something Sam had said. Penn was getting all pissed and pretended to walk off the show because of it.
Sam told a story about meeting Judy out in Denver one time. He said that he thought she was funny and went back to make his move on her in the back room. Sam said that he made out with her a little bit back there and there may have been some other stuff going on but they didn't go all that far. Sam said that Emo must love hearing this stuff. Sam said that all he had done was kiss her. Howard asked if he got second base. Sam said he didn't.
Howard wondered why Judy walked out. Sam said he thinks that she was outclassed in the comedy world. Robin said she thinks that she felt ganged up on. Robin said Judy said that she had made a big mistake by coming in. Gary said she was upset about the sexual stuff and she left there crying. Howard wondered if they had lost her because of that. Sam said that she must have other problems and she's just using this as an excuse.
That led into a show clip from June 12, 1989. In the clip Sam showed up with his friend Mitch. Howard said they were showing their bodies by opening up their shirts. Howard said Sam has that Guns N Roses kind of thing going on with that look. Howard said he likes the look. He said that the champagne is flowing too. Howard said he was talking about Sam earlier. Sam didn't hear it.
Howard said he wasn't able to see Sam on the Tonight Show. Sam said it was and he waited a long time for that. Howard said Sam is really dressing differently now. Howard said Sam has the biggest fingers he's ever seen on a man. He said Sam gave him a ring and it could probably fit his penis.
Howard said they're going to party today. Howard said he's going to have a good time with Sam. He asked why his bodyguard, Lonnie, has to stand behind him. Howard spent a minute talking to him.
Howard said he's not gay for Sam or anything. Howard said he thinks Sam is a good looking man though. Howard said he had Rob Lowe on the air and he still thinks that Sam is good looking. Sam asked if they have the Rob Lowe sex tape. Howard said they do. He said they had like 7 computerized squares over his penis. Howard said they're thinking of using that over John Tesh's face.
Howard said he loves Sam. Sam said he loves him too. Howard and Robin said Sam doesn't love them as much as they love him. Howard said Sam likes that guy Sandy Beach. Sam said it wasn't Sandy Beach. It was some other guy. They thought about it for a minute and said that it was Brother Weaz. Sam said they were only with him for 2 days. Howard said that's not so cool.
Sam told Howard about some people who came up to see a show of his and they drove a couple hundred miles to get there. Sam said people were getting nasty. He said he told the girls to leave their guys and go with him. He said they were like his biggest fans. Sam said one of the girls said okay. He said the guys must have been driving home cursing him out. Sam said the girls are in his hotel room right now. He said one is 18 and one is 19. Sam said the girls are in the hotel with Sabrina and Malika. The girls are exotic dancers. Sam said he tried to get them to come there with him but they didn't come.
Howard said he has to take a break. He said they have a lot to get to. Howard said he has to talk to Lonnie. He said he digs him.
After the edited out break Howard came back with Sam and Mitchell. Howard said Alan Steven was there too. Howard spent a minute talking to Sam about what he's driving these days. He was in the middle of a live commercial.
Howard said that he'd like to get Sam in one of his movies. He said that he would play the part of a mad scientist. Howard said he might make him audition like Dice made him do. Sam isn't a fan of Dice's. He said that Dice had some of his jokes in his act and some people might notice that he stole them, verbatim. He said that Dice also made some bad movies that are way too goofy. He said that Dice tried to copy every move he made and he's a jerk. Sam said that his fans and his sheep know that. Robin said she thinks he meant his ''flock.''
Howard said that he didn't want to play a disc jockey in a movie so he didn't do that Dice movie. Sam said that he's lame. Sam told Howard some stories about Dice and what he's heard he's done. Howard said all of that stuff is alleged. Robin said she thinks they have a better chance of getting Sam back together with Bobcat than Dice.
Howard said Dice was talking about getting Sam to do a show with him at Madison Square Garden. Sam said he can do those shows on his own. He doesn't need Dice for that. Howard said he was just passing along the message.
Howard asked Sam about the girls he brought back to the hotel. Sam said they can talk to them if he wants to. Howard picked up the phone and Malika was on the line. She was singing a song that Sam said was the love making song. Howard asked where the other girls were. They were there on the phone with her. Howard asked who was there. It was Whisper and Lacy the exotic dancers. Howard said they must feel very lucky to be there. Howard asked the girls how they ended up with Sam. They flew back to New York after leaving their boyfriends behind. The girls didn't want to go back to Portland over going back to New York with Sam.
Howard asked if Sam enjoyed all three girls at once. The girls said it was four girls. Sam said that he was like a woman. He said he hated men along with them. He said they had a men are scum party. Howard asked how he orchestrates that. Sam told Howard to ask what they liked.
The girls were saying that they saw Howard on Letterman. Mitch asked if the saw him on Hollywood Squares. Howard told him to be quiet. Howard said he didn't need his help. Sam said he misses the girls. They said they miss him too. Howard asked the girls if they liked what they saw on Letterman. They said they did. Robin asked if they would have left their boyfriends for him. The girls said no. Howard asked if Sam was a gentleman. They said he was great.
Howard asked the girls about going back to the hotel and if they all slept with him at the hotel. He wondered how Sam approaches that. They said the girls are the ones who bring it up. Howard just wanted to know how it works. The girls said if he came over there he could find out. Howard told them to come down to the studio to show him. They just did their little song thing for him.
Howard asked the girls if they're shaved totally. Sam said they're very tight. He said he means with money of course. Howard asked what happens when the door closes. He figured that Malika comes over and stars kissing. Sam said that's what happens. Sam said these women can not be deceived by men. He said that men are scum to them. Sam asked if he's the only good man. The girls said that men are scum.
Howard said that the bodyguard was falling asleep over in the corner so keep quiet. Howard asked Malika if she was with the other girls. She wasn't giving graphic details. Howard said these girls want him and not these jokesters in the studio.
Howard asked what the big move is. Sam wasn't talking. Howard said he must have a move. Sam said it's Amil Nitrate. Howard said he has never tried that. Sam said he'll give him some next time he's there. Howard asked if it's illegal. Sam said that tearing the tags off pillows is illegal. He said no one has ever been busted for that.
Howard asked if Lonnie holds the girls down. Sam said he's the only guy in the room. He said that the girls are relaxed and things just happen. He said that Howard is used to women that he has to lie to and these girls have to trust you. He said once they trust you they bring everything to you. Howard let the girls go and said he had to take a break.
Sam Kinison Visits. 09/08/89. 5:15pm
Howard said that Sam Kinison would be at U.S. Open Sores. Kinison kept going on and on about Dice. Dice said he'll do the U.S. Open Sores thing if Dice won't be there. They said Dice is not going to be there. Howard said he pre-screened the women for him. Kinison started going off on a tangent. Sam started chatting up the girls and Howard told him to bronsky the girl. Howard promised to handle Dice. Howard said the girls should show their breasts to Sam. Howard asked Sam to stop complaining about Dice. The girls decided to all get topless at once. Sam was pleased at that.
Howard went to break and when he came back Sam and his crew were in there having a good time. Sam said Malika's there but she's not mad at him because she sees Sam's in heaven. Howard and Sam asked Malika to bear her breasts. Malika said she would if Robin does. Robin said she's not going to. Sam kept going on and on about Dice so Howard and Robin decided Dice would be banned from the show for life! They said they'd be making the MTV announcement but replacing "MTV" with "The Howard Stern Show." Sam was thrilled at that. Howard gave the number out again for tickets. Kinison hung out in the studio for a while longer. He spent most of his appearance trashing Dice. Howard ran down what would happen at U.S. Open Sores. Sam was playing around with the girls for a little bit and Malika got angry. They spent a few more minutes hanging out with Kinison and then they had to wrap up.
Howard and Sam talked about the show they did and how crazy things were there. Howard told Robin about some of the crazy things that were going on at the hotel. Some people got thrown out. Howard asked Sam if he was going to be able to follow this today. The girls said that he won't. Sam told the listeners to tell their friends to tune in because today is going to be a big day. He said this whole thing is a way to realign himself with Howard. He said this is his gift to Howard.
Sam told Howard there was a woman at one of the shows they were at and Howard was attracted to her. She was there with Sam today. Howard said he remembers her. Her name is Beth. Howard said she's married though. Sam said he called Howard last night about this. He said he told her she had to come in today.
Sam said he finds that they can work better when they're surrounded by the feminine types. Howard said he's not going to have sex with her in front of everyone. Sam said these girls were in the club getting naked and licking each other. He said he had to bring them in too. Howard said the girls were naked already. Howard had the girls come in since they were naked. Howard said they look really good.
Howard asked if the girls do this all the time. One of the girls said that they were at the China Club and Sam called them over to dance for him. Howard said he was just about nude already. The girls were undressing him. Howard said they were trying to take his pants off.
Sam said this was Donna and Megan taking Howard's clothes off. Howard said he can't take his pants off. He told the girls not to do that. Things were getting crazy in there and Howard was losing control of the show. Howard said he really can't do this. Everyone was yelling and screaming and Howard couldn't even be heard. Robin said he was out of his seat and asked where he was.
Sam told Howard to look what's in his face. He told Howard that girl is Megan. He said Howard's mom was on the phone telling him to take his pants off. Howard said if he takes his pants off he knows his underpants will come off. Howard told the girls to relax and sit down for a second.
Howard said the girls are great. He asked them to calm down. Robin said she's never seen a body massage like that before. Sam told Howard to take his pants off at least. Howard asked what the point is. He said this is insane and he knew it would go too far. Sam said it won't go too far. Howard agreed to take his pants off. Howard said they're off and only to the knees. Howard said they can't be doing this. He said it was fun and exciting but that's it. He said it's time to move on.
Howard said he might have to spank these girls. Sam told him to do it. Howard started spanking them. Sam was yelling and telling him to keep going. One of the girls said he had a semi. Howard said this was fun. The girls said he looks really good. Sam asked if Howard loves him. Howard said this was great.
Sam said he thinks the people know what's going on. Howard asked if the girls do this a lot. They said they're strippers. Howard said he thinks he has to take a break. Sam said they should do the rest of the show with their pants off. Howard said he's testing his manhood. They went to break a short time later.
After the edited out break Howard came back and said these girls really know how to make you feel good. Sam told the girls to keep going. He said they might be out of line. Howard said the only person who ever did this for him was Fred who brought him a homosexual. Howard said the girls were getting him too excited. Sam told them to bring in this other girl that's there. Her name was Luna. She came in next. Howard asked where they picked her up. Sam said she's from East Africa. Howard asked how she hooked up with Sam. She started to explain but Howard notice she didn't have any panties on. Howard said he's not sure how to get these girls off of him.
Sam told Luna to tell her story. Howard told her to just say whatever she wants. Howard said that he's down to his underwear and he's not able to concentrate. Sam said she had white panties on last night. She said she's not going to show them. Sam said that's fine. He said that's not why they brought her in there.
Howard let out an ouch at one point. He said it hurts when they pinch his nipples. Luna was telling the guys how she went out with Sam and Howard said this guy has the life. Sam said he's living vicariously through Howard.
Howard said the girls have been very kind to him. Howard asked how old they are. Sam told him not to ask on the air. He said they're out of school and they might have to write them a note later. Sam said he's doing this to warm Howard up for Beth later.
Howard said he has to describe the scene there. He said he has a lot of back stage material of Sam that he wants to put on his video tape. Howard said he thinks he's handling this just fine. Robin and Sam weren't so sure about that. Sam said he can't wait to see him try to get through a Car Cash commercial.
Howard said this has been fun but he has to let the girls go. Sam said they're not going to leave. Howard said he has to get to the news and talk about Saturday Night. Sam said he has to talk about freeing South Africa. Luna wanted to talk about that. She told Howard and Sam about what's going on there. Sam said he won't perform over there. Robin said she can't believe that they're in a political discussion now. The girls were all listening and not messing around anymore.
Howard said he had to say goodbye to the stripper girls. They were on their way out. Howard said they were great. Sam said he's going to walk them out and then come back in. He said Luna is going to stick around and Beth will be there too. He said the girls are going to take a little break. Howard said they were great. Howard let them go and went to break.
After the edited out break Howard came back with Sam and his people. Howard said he has to clear out the studio so he can talk. Sam said he didn't know they were back on the air.
Howard took a call from Leonard Marshall and talked to him about his game loss. Howard said that Leonard should have come down there. Leonard said he will do that. Howard told him that today isn't a good day to call in. He said he's got a lot of stuff going on in there. Howard told Leonard what Sam was doing with Luna and how he was making out and telling her ''free South Africa'' to get her going.
Howard said that Leonard will help free South Africa. Howard said Sam is making out with her every 2 minutes. Sam said that Robin is probably a bigger fan of her's than anyone. He said she's proof that there should be no breast reduction.
Howard told Leonard that he must understand what's going on there. Leonard said he gets it. Howard said Sam was bent over and whispering to Luna. Robin said she was trying to listen to the phone call but Sam is at the window with this girl. Howard asked Leonard about his game loss. Leonard said they'll make a comeback. They went to break a short time later.
After the edited out break Howard came back and got back to Robin's news. Howard said Sam's friends Alan and Mitch were there now. Howard said Sam is doing just fine. Luna was back with him. Robin tried to do some news with Sam and the guys interrupting.
Sam said he got a call from Malika and Sabrina. He asked if they should call them. Howard told Sam to put on some headphones and listen to what's going on. Sam said Malika and Sabrina are upset with him. He said he thought it was in the spirit of good fun. Howard said he saw that Luna was pulling back from Sam when he'd go in close. Sam said that if the girls are upset they should call in. He said there is no way out of this. He said he's just a nasty boy. Howard told Sam to take his pants off. He said he wanted to initiate him like that football team.
Howard said he's not sure what Sam is saying. Howard gave Sam a gift of a case of Dom Perignon. He had to go to another break after that.
After the edited out break Howard came back with Sam and tried to get him to focus. Sam was going off on Dice and Bobcat as usual. Howard asked when he works. Sam sad he watches CNN and stays up for a lot of hours. He said he talks to Alan, Mitchell and Carl during the day. He said the brilliant stuff comes after a few days of self destruction. He said that's when the brilliant stuff comes out. He said you think about the funny stuff and then you put it in your act.
Howard said he had Sam's girlfriend on the line. He picked up on Malika who didn't sound too upset with Sam. Sam said that he's not doing anything to risk their relationship. Sam said it's all for show business. Howard said he'll talk to her later. Malika said that he's a Buddha Belly and he's got a tiny schlong. She said that they both broke up with him tonight and they wish him luck. Howard asked if she was for real. She hung up. Howard said he thinks she'll be back. Sam joked that he's never been more depressed. Sam said this is all show business.
Howard told Sam that he can look at it as being 2 less plane tickets. Sam got a laugh out of that. Howard said he really has to end the show. He spent a little more time talking to Sam and Luna though. Howard said the girls can dance to this song he's playing at the end of the show. It was The Who's ''Reign O'er Me.'' They went to break after that.
That led into the October 11, 1989 Howard Stern Show. In the clip Howard and Sam were talking about a Rolling Stone article where they asked comedians what Sam Kinison might be doing in 20 years. Some of the comedians said nice or funny things. Martin Short said he didn't care. Tracy Ullman didn't have any nice things to say.
Howard said he had Jessica Hahn on the phone so he had to cut off that story. Jessica said she wanted to talk to Sam. She asked what happened today. Sam said that wonderful news travels fast. Howard said Sam is free now so they can go back to being lovers. Howard said they learned Saturday night that they still have something going on. Howard said that this tape he's putting out is going to be great.
Howard said he still doesn't know exactly what was going on there. Sam said he and Jessica had some good times together. He gave her two dozen white roses to Jessica after that first time. Sam said they were never lovers. He said that she never really loved him but he tried to get her to say she did love him. Howard said that would have been good. Jessica said the white roses did flash in her mind. Howard asked what he wrote on the card. Jessica said Sam should tell him. She said she still has the card.
Sam said Jessica looked so hot. Jessica said Sam smelled really good. Howard said he heard he was dumping her in the hall. Sam said he wasn't. Jessica said he was being very sweet. Howard said they crafted all of this in front of 16,000 people.
Howard said he thought that Sam had fallen asleep inside Jessica on a plane. He said he's not sure why he thought that. Sam laughed. They spent a minute talking about that. Robin said there was a lot of cryptic stuff being discussed and she was trying to understand it.
Howard asked Sam if he's broken up with those girls or not. Sam said they'll talk about that later. Howard said he had to go because he has to read this letter on the air. Howard let her go a short time later.
Howard got back to that Rolling Stone article and read some more of the comments that the comedians had about Sam. Sam read through some of them too. Howard went through some of the stuff and talked to Sam about the comments. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
After the edited out break Howard came back and read some comments that Arsenio Hall said about Sam. Howard read through that stuff and Arsenio was saying that Sam doesn't get the credit he deserves. Arsenio also said that sometimes you're just not someone's cup of tea. He said that Elayne Boosler is good but not great. There were some other comments about various comedians in the article. Howard said that you despise a guy like that giving his opinions but then he says something nice. Sam said that it is weird because he didn't think he was a fan. Howard said maybe it's a genuine thing. Howard went to another break a short time later.
After the break Howard wanted Meg Griffin to come in but Gary told him that she's refusing. She wasn't happy about the show the day before. Gary said she was upset yesterday and today she's a little more calm. Howard said that he wants her to come in there. Gary said he'll try. He went out and came back a minute later saying she won't come in. He said she just doesn't want to come in ''with you guys.'' Howard said he might have to get her fired.
Howard said that everyone wants to get naked when Sam is there. He said Fred is naked now. Howard and Robin asked what's going on with his girlfriends. Sam said he cant get into everything. He said he had all of those girls in there and they call came to the station with him. He had those two girls plus Luna and Malika and Sabrina. Howard said Sam was having fun with them and he may never see them again. Sam said he thought Howard would enjoy it if he brought them in and they attacked him. Sam said you never know what you're going to get.
Sam said Malika and Sabrina were tired and they wanted to go home. He said they may have been upset with Luna who appeared to be in love with him. Howard said it was wild when Sam was talking to Luna the way he was. Howard said she kind of got sexed up over Sam. Sam said after the show he went and talked to Howard for a bit. Howard told him to be careful. Sam said he wanted to take the girls to his apartment to fool around. Robin asked if he went to the stripper's apartment. Sam said that's what he did. Sam said it was Luna and the two girls and they were all in the bedroom together. He said that Luna wasn't naked so the other girls told her to get naked or leave. She wanted him to herself. Sam said that the girls were ready to fight her. Sam said that Gene had to get her in a headlock and remove her form the room so he could have these other girls.
Sam said that Malika called the show upset and saying she was going to break up. He said he thought that he could talk his way out of this. Howard said she knows what Sam is like. Sam said she knew about him being with Jessica and they all saw how she handled that. Howard said Sam brought those girls out of a trailer home and gave them a life. He said Sam saved their lives.
Sam said he was exhausted yesterday. He said he had sex 4 times. He said he was like a faucet. Sam said he passed out and they woke him up at 5 and he got a message to call Alan. He said the girls were gone and they flew back to California. Sam said they didn't have any money but they booked the flight. Sam said that they booked themselves on the MGM Grand flight and they booked a limo driver too. Sam said that he told them to drive them to their crappy apartment instead of to his house.
Howard said he's going to lie for Sam and help him out here. Howard said they're not being reasonable. Howard said he'll tell them that they were in his office editing video. Howard said they can tell the girls that Sam was there until 5 and then he doesn't know where he left.
Howard called the girls trying to get them on the line. They got the answering machine so Howard told them to pick up. Malika's mom picked up. She didn't even know where they were. Howard said he'll find them. Howard let her go and tried calling Sam's house. Sam said he doesn't think he has an answering machine there. The phone rang but no one was picking up. Sam said they might have to call the mom to get their personal number. Sam said the house is big and they might not hear the phone ringing.
Howard had Sam call the mother off the air so he can get that number. Howard said he didn't want to get her on the air again. Howard tried dialing but it wasn't working. Sam figured she was on the phone trying to call the girls to warn them.
Sam said the next call he makes will be to Jessica after the show. Howard said Sam might be a sex addict. He said he's really going crazy with this stuff. Howard told Alan to watch it. If Sam can't get a woman then he's next.
Howard wrapped up with Sam and Alan and said they should all take their clothes off and have Meg come in there. Sam loved that idea. Howard said he'll play some Leslie West or something. Sam asked if they're really doing this. Howard said ''Oh yeah...'' Howard played some music and waited for Meg to come in. Howard said they were going to turn off their mics and say goodbye to the audience. Howard said goodbye and played the song as they ended the show.
After that they went into some audio of Sam on the Stern Show on October 13, 1989. In the clip Sam called in and told Howard that he got home to L.A. Sam told Howard he heard that Dice was arrested. Howard asked Sam if he got Jessica that night. Sam said no. Sam said the show was great though.
Sam said he got home and he was at this coffee shop called Ben Frank's and he pulled into the parking lot and there were two squad cars there. He said he saw them putting Dice in the car in handcuffs. He said he asked what's going on and they said he was kicked out a few weeks ago and he wanted to be served. They told him to leave and he refused so they called the cops on him. Sam said they had him arrested and they had the COPS camera crew there with him. Howard asked if it was a scene from his movie or something. Sam said that it wasn't his movie and it was a real thing. Sam said he was standing on a table in the place doing some of his act so he was upsetting some people there.
Sam said that he has to be in jail if they arrested him. He said that they took him to the West Hollywood police department. Sam said this all went down in the last hour. Howard said that's too funny. Sam told Howard to call the woman at the restaurant and she'll tell the whole story.
Howard said that's a pretty funny story. He asked if Dice's father was outside selling t-shirts. Sam laughed. Howard said that Sam is the only guy who gets the scoop when he goes back to Los Angeles. Howard said they were just talking about Dice too.
Howard asked if Sam made up with his girls. Sam said he did. Howard said it was a wild couple of days that they had there. Sam said it was pretty crazy. He said that he's back with the girls now though. Sam told Howard to call that restaurant and get the full story. Howard said he'll do that. He let Sam go a short time later. Howard said Sam must love this Dice thing. They ended the segment a short time later.
Leslie West, Sam Kinison And Richard Lewis. 12/01/1989. 5:45pm
After the break Howard got Leslie West on the phone even though he didn't want to be on the air. Sam told Leslie that he did some work with his song and made some changes. Leslie said that Sam made him proud with that song. The two of them had a short conversation while Howard was getting the Jessica Hahn clip set up to play.
Howard said he's going out to see Sam play. He said Jackie is coming too. Sam said he wants Jackie to open up for them. He told Jackie to call his manager to make sure that's okay.
Howard told the guys he's thinking about getting a nose job. Sam said he likes that nose. He said that he looks like a cross between Alan Alda and The Ramones.
Howard had the Jessica Hahn tape to play but Sam wanted him to play the Mississippi Queen song he did. Sam said that this is the radio debut of the song and he's probably breaking laws playing it.
Howard played Sam's version of Mississippi Queen. Sam had changed the lyrics to make the song about himself and Jessica Hahn but he didn't mention Jessica's name in it.
After playing the song Howard said it was a real anti-Jessica song. Sam said that it can be interpreted that way. Sam said they're going to make a video for the song sometime in December.
Howard said they have to pray that Paul Reiser gets cancer and that the album does well. He and Sam did that quickly and then Howard said he had to take another break.
Dominic Barbara called in to talk about Sam's song and how Jessica was going to sue over that. Howard said that Dominic doesn't even represent her anymore and Sam didn't mention her name in the song anyway. Howard said that Dominic must have been joking and hung up on him before he even got to say anything.
Jessica Hahn Vs. Sam Kinison. 12/01/1989. 5:55pm
Howard got back to Sam and Jessica. He said that he thought that they had made up after their fight. Sam said they did make up so he's not sure where this was coming from.
Howard played the tape where Jessica was on the phone with him and said that Sam had crapped himself in a hotel room with her. Jessica talked about how she had to clean up after him. Sam was freaking out and said that this means war to him. Howard played more of the tape of Jessica and Sam went off on her saying that she should be in jail right next to Baker. He said that he thinks that she made up that story for the show.
Howard played more of the audio and Sam wasn't even sure what she was saying he did. Howard hinted that he had crapped himself. Sam thought she was making it all up because he didn't remember it. He said she's a sick pig and all of this stuff she's saying about him is bull. He said that Jessica talked about him falling asleep inside of her and that should tell you what kind of woman she is. He said she's not only going to hell but she has reserved seats.
Howard said he thought that Sam was going to call in the next day about that. Sam said he wanted to wait to come in and talk about that. He said she should have thrown that out at him in the past on the show. He said she had to be making it up.
Howard asked Richard if he had ever had two women at the same time. Richard said he hadn't and told Howard to just play the rest of the Jessica stuff.
Howard played more of Jessica talking about that incident and she claimed she cleaned the carpet with Windex. Howard said they don't know if the story is true or not and they just went with whatever it was she was saying. Sam said he'd like to know how she didn't get into trouble over the stuff she's done. He said that she gives bad head too. Howard told him he can't say that on the air.
After another edited out break Howard got back to Sam and said that he's been going to the bathroom for the past 5 minutes just like Jessica described. He said that they need some binding food for him to lock him up some. Howard did his live commercials and then came back to the show.
Howard played some audio of DJ Meg Griffin talking about why she won't come in the studio after Sam has been there. In the clip Meg talked about how disgusting she finds Sam and how she thinks that he's going out and doing things that can spread disease and can kill people. Meg said she thinks Howard will do anything to get ratings on his show. They tried arguing with Meg but she was saying that she doesn't like what Sam stands for. Sam was interrupting and talking about what she was accusing him of and saying that the people that she's fans of are doing the same kind of thing.
Howard had to ask Sam to be quiet during that clip since he was interrupting. He played more of it and Meg was going off on Sam and on Howard for having Sam in there. She said she thinks that it stinks and it's like Dante's inferno in the studio at times. Howard backed Sam up and said that he's one of the most talented comedians in the country.
Howard said that clip went on and on. Sam said that she was way out of line. He said that he's the Jackie Gleason of the 1990s and if he was wrong then he's wrong too. Howard said he took care of his buddy Sam. He said that Sam likes to party and be with women like any rock star that Meg idolizes.
Howard and Sam went off on Meg for a few minutes talking about her double standards. Howard said she worships rock stars and they do the same kind of things that Sam does. Howard said she might be a bit confused.
Howard gave Richard some more plugs since he had to get going. Richard said he had to go to the doctor. Howard said that Jessica Hahn did something nice for him. He told Sam she showed him her breasts. Sam said that's fine now but in a few years they'll start looking bad when they start sagging.
Howard talked to Sam about Richard's TV show and what he thinks he's making on that. Sam said he's no dummy so he's probably doing very well with that. They spent a short time on that but Richard said he had to get going. Sam goofed on him about that and said that he's like Richard Belzer trying to get out of there so he can go make 100 bucks over at a comedy club.
Howard let Richard go and got back to Sam. They talked about Sam doing a show and how he wanted Jackie to open for him. Jackie said he would do that for free for him. Sam said he's going to pay him for that.
Howard said he made a new record too. He played the Dicky Goodman tribute that he had played a couple of times that morning. Sam was laughing at the bit. He didn't know who Dicky Goodman was though.
Howard said he didn't know that Sam didn't know about the Jessica Hahn tapes. Sam said he heard about it the day before. He said he hadn't heard about her doing that until then.
Howard gave Sam some plugs for the show he was doing and then asked Robin if she had anymore news to read. She had a few more stories to go through. Sam stuck around to comment on the news she was reading. Robin went through a bunch of quick stories. She had some audio clips for Howard to play and Sam was pretending to fall asleep. Howard said he was informed they had to leave so he had to ask Robin to wrap up the news. Howard ended the show a short time later.
That led into a show clip from February 21, 1990. In the clip Howard was doing a remote broadcast and called Sam. Howard said he's stuck in a hotel with a bunch of geek DJs. Howard said he's going into TV and he's glad to get out of this business.
Howard asked Sam if he got into a fist fight with Arsenio. Sam said he saw him in a hall and he may have grabbed his face. He said that he got pulled off of him and Arsenio's people dragged him out. Howard asked Sam what he grabbed. Sam said he grabbed his face. Sam said Arsenio didn't say anything. He said it took 5 of Arsenio's guys to drag him up the stairs. Sam said that Stuttering John was there and saw it all go down. John said he actually wasn't there at that moment. He said he may have been in the bathroom or something.
Howard told Sam about how he sent John out to get him some food. He said John went down to see Sam and Sam hooked him up with a few guys to hang out with. He said that John was telling Rob Camaletti that he doesn't make fun of him except when he's calling him Bagel Boy.
Howard told Sam to come in tomorrow. Sam wanted to come in that day but Gary said they weren't going to be there much longer.
Sam said he's going to the Grammy's and he's a presenter with Olivia Newton John. He said he's nominated so he has to be there. Howard asked if he's going to read off cue cards. Sam said he has a thing he wants to do with her. He said it should be pretty funny.
Sam said that Malika wanted to talk to Howard. She got on the phone and asked where they were. Howard said he's at the hotel. He said he'll stop by their place tonight. Malika said she'll jump into bed with him if he gets lonely. She didn't realize she was on the air. She said ''Oh shit'' and gave the phone back to Sam.
Howard asked Sam if Rolling Stone called him about him yet. Sam said he didn't get a call from them. He said he'd love to say something about him but you have to be careful with those guys. Howard said he thinks this guy is okay so he should talk to them and say what he wants.
Howard said Gary hasn't picked up any girls there in Los Angeles. Howard said they don't know him out there. Gary said he has picked up women out there before. Howard said he can't use his name out there. Gary said he never uses his name. Robin said that one girl was telling her about Gary going around talking about the video tape. Howard said he's not sure why Gary is going out talking to other radio stations while they're there. Gary said he just told one woman from a station about what they had been doing. He said it was in the lobby and he hasn't been going on other shows.
Howard said he wants to see Gary pick up a woman without using his name. Gary said he'll do it. Howard said he has to do it before they leave Los Angeles.
Howard said he has tickets to the Grammys but he's going to sit out this year. Howard said that if Sam wants him to go with him he would go. Sam said that he might be able to take him. Howard asked who he's up against. Sam said Dice is one. He said Sandra Bernhard and PDQ Bach is another one. Howard laughed when he heard that. They didn't even know who that guy was. Gary said he thinks he does parodies of classical music. Howard said that's not funny. Howard said Sam should win. Howard let Sam go a short time later.
Sam showed up live so Howard told Sam that Jessica Hahn just showed up too. He said that he didn't plan that. Sam said that's fine. Howard said Steve Allen wanted to meet Sam as well. Howard said Kari is there too. Howard called her over to say hi to Sam. Howard told Kari to let Sam check out her ass. Kari ran over and said hi. Howard told her he'll talk to her later. Howard said she's as dangerous as cancer with a nice ass. Howard told Sam to be careful. They went to break a short time later.
After the edited out break Howard came back and Gary said they have 3 guests who they might want to talk to. Alice Cooper was one. Charles Fleischer was there but Howard said no to him. Howard said he won't do anything they ask him to do.
Howard told Gary to blow the other guys off and just have Alice Cooper come on. Sam told Howard to come by the Grammys and they'll hang out together. Sam said that they can come by his hotel and hang out too.
Howard had Kari back so he talked to her a little bit about her annoying voice. Howard asked Rick Rubin if she had sex with him to advance her career. Rick said he has not been with her sexually. Howard asked him to swear to god. Rick swore he hadn't. Howard asked if he would smell Kari on his beard. Sam cracked up. Howard said Kari has a good voice but it's amazing that she stepped into his life and got a record deal. Sam said Rick is a great dude. He said the guy has an eye.
Howard said he thinks that Sam is going to win the Grammy tonight. Sam said he thinks he'll beat Dice. Howard said he thinks Sam will win.
Howard asked Sam about his run in with Arsenio. Sam showed Howard how he grabbed his face. He said he'll never do his TV show. He said Arsenio knows it too. He said that he won't go on that show even if he was number one in the ratings.
Rick said he's going to be hanging out with Dice at the Grammys. Sam said that Dice wishes he was him. Rick said that Dice really likes Sam and he's upset about everything that's gone on between them. Howard said that he used to be friends with Dice but things went bad there.
Howard said Kari showed him her butt and it was the most beautiful butt he's ever seen. Howard asked her to come up to his hotel room and massage him. He said that's all he wants. He said that's not cheating. Kari asked him to stop it. She said it's a great offer but she has too much self respect. She said Howard always gets upset at her when she comes on the show. Howard went to break after that. He was talking to Kari about what she eats. He said she must eat Rick.
After an edited out break Howard came back and Gary told him about Charles Fleisher wanting to come on. Howard said they'll have to act like they like him. Howard told Kari to stop by later. She was leaving and mooned him again. Howard said ''Encore!'' Howard said he loves her. Sam said that was definitely tight. Howard said it really is.
Howard had Charles Fleisher come on next. Charles and Sam knew each other so they talked a bit. Howard also talked to this guy Carmine Appice who came in when Charles came in. Howard spent a short time talking to Charles and thanked him for coming in. Charles said he was on his way out and wanted to stop by and say hello.
Alice Cooper showed up so Howard had him come over. Howard said they were waiting for him. Howard said they had him to every other station before coming there. Alice said he saw Jessica over there. Sam said he had no desire to talk to her. Sam said he wants to have Howard out to dinner but he has to get going soon. Howard asked Alice if he wants to come. Alice said he's in Phoenix tonight. Sam said those flights to Phoenix are the worst. He said he just did one for his buddy Carl the other day and it was the worst.
Sam played guitar for Howard a little bit. Howard told Carmine to pick up a guitar too. They started to play some Alice Cooper ''School's Out'' so Alice sang a little bit. Howard told them to keep going. They played for a minute or so. They played a little bit of ''I'm Eighteen'' so Alice sang a little bit of that too.
Howard talked to Alice for a little while about what he's up to. Sam had to get going so Howard said he had to end the show anyway. Howard asked Sam to pick up that guitar and play another song. Howard thanked everyone for stopping by. Gary said that they really have to go because some of the stations are waiting for their guests. Sam said this is the only show he's doing. They wrapped up a short time later.
That led into a Stern Show from April 5, 1990 when Sam visited the show. In the clip Sam showed up looking thinner and sober. Howard said he has to see if he likes this new Sam. Sam said he remembers them from the Grammys. Howard said he had to tell Sam to behave when he lost to PDQ Bach. Howard said Sam's manager loves him because of that. Howard said he was sitting there talking to Sam and his manager was sitting in front of him. He said that her name is Trudy. She was pregnant at the time according to Robin and Sam. Howard asked if Sam got her pregnant. Sam said he didn't. He said he was busy with Lenny Bruce's mother. Howard said he saw Sam with Sally Marr and he was wondering if he has some kind of mother issues. Howard asked if Sam slept with Katy Sagal. Sam just laughed.
Howard said they got to see Sam's girlfriend's house and it was really nice. Howard said he pictured it to look like a coven. Howard said Sam has a really nice house and the pool is like 90 degrees. Sam said he hasn't been able to figure out how to change it. He said the pool is retarded and too small. He said it's like a wading pool. Howard said he can imagine Sam with Sally in his pool.
Howard said Sam is sober and the funny thing with his sobriety is that he has all of these AA books at his house. He said that Sam doesn't like the way they border on religion. Sam said they do get a little carried away. Howard said Sam was annoyed with one guy who kept telling him to come to a meeting. Sam said he went to this dentist who told him he should do a meeting. Howard said Sam did some nitrous oxide at the dentist so the guy told him to go to AA. Sam said he's not into pain so he's not going to avoid taking that stuff. Howard said that he was thinking maybe they should have dragged him into some meetings.
Howard asked Sam how he got into this sobriety thing. Sam said he was involved in about 5 car wrecks within a 3 week period. Sam said he was on the passenger side. Robin said he was still driving though. Sam asked Robin to stand up so he could see her. He said that Robin is looking good. Howard said he doesn't think Sam will be all over her today. Sam said he won't be mumbling today. Howard said this is a new guy they're meeting. He said it's the first time they've met the real Sam.
Sam said he was in AA and he was in with Ozzy and Steven Tyler. He said that he was told they had a musicians AA meeting so he had to go. Howard said Sam must have asked if he could jam with them after that.
Gary told Howard that he has a caller who is upset about the way Sam is treating the AA thing. Howard picked up and the guy said that Sam is going to kill himself if he does this. He said that AA is supposed to be anonymous. Howard said this guy seems to be like an FCC guy who seems to think he knows what's best for everyone. Howard asked what Sam is saying that's so bad. He said this is the first time they're talking about something this guy is involved with. That's why he's so excited. The caller went off on Robin about having an eating disorder too. Howard asked the guy what he's addicted to. He figured he was addicted to him.
The caller said that Howard is prostituting Sam. Howard asked how he's doing that. The caller said Sam is taking a position on the show saying he doesn't need to go to meetings. Howard said he never said that. The caller said that Howard is making fun of Sam about needing to go. Howard said this guy is changing his story. He said he's a jackass and he's stupid. Howard asked what he does for a living. The guy said it's none of his business. Howard said he probably does something menial that requires minimal intelligence. Howard asked how he can even afford booze. The caller cursed so Howard told him he can't do that. The caller said that his god doesn't care what kind of language he uses. Howard said that doesn't matter to the FCC. Howard said if he was this guy he'd drink until he died. Howard said he shouldn't do that though because he needs to feel smart in this world and he needs this guy to be around. Sam said he loves that he came in there with naked girls while he was drunk and no one said a word... other than Meg. Sam said he heard that Meg changed her shift because of him. Howard said he had to take a break.
After the edited out break Howard said that Sam is tough to get a hold of. Howard said he tried calling him after the Grammys and he wasn't able to get him. Sam said he was so upset about being beaten by PDQ Bach. Howard said he wanted to thank Sam for the tickets to the Grammys. Howard said he got to the Grammys and Sam had already lost. Howard said Sam's manager Trudy was there and Sam sat next to him. Howard said Sam told him how upset he was and how he was going to bash the Grammys that night. Howard said he told Sam not to do that. He said he felt it was his opinion that he's getting all of this acceptance and he's getting on TV shows and things like that. If he's out of control it's going to ruin everything. Howard said Trudy turned to him and asked what he just said. Howard told her and she thanked him. Howard said he could have had third degree sodomy from her at that moment. Howard said she was shocked that one of his friends spoke sense to him. Howard said she was real happy and then Sam trotted them around back stage. Howard said they were like Phyllis and Richard Kinison being walked around back there. They were playing his parents so people wouldn't know who they were.
Howard asked Sam about the rumors that he was with Katy Sagal. Howard said he knows that Sam had to have Jessica Hahn so maybe he had to have Katy. Howard said that Sam wanted Lenny Bruce's mom, Sally Marr, too. Howard said Sam just wanted his penis to be where Lenny Bruce came out of. Howard said it's like scraping the master. Howard said a lot of people would love to be near that. Howard said that he can see why Sam would want Katy Sagal. Howard said she's got a sexiness about her even if she's not the hottest chick in the world.
Howard told a story about Sam driving him and Robin around. Howard said things were crazy. He said Sam went to open the door but he didn't know how to open it. Howard said they finally got in and Sam wanted to show him the view from upstairs and outside. Howard said it was cold out and he didn't want to see it. Robin ended up staying with Malika. Howard said Sam said it was just for men to see anyway. Howard said they went outside and it was a beautiful view. Howard said it was cold out and Sam wasn't feeling anything. Howard said Sam
(Some of the following was written on February 15, 2010 during the Laughing with the Stars special) Joe Walsh walked in a few seconds later. Howard talked about Joe kicking him out of his dressing room over at the show he went to see. He said he was kind of full of himself over there and he said that Joe taught him how to play ''Rocky Mountain Way'' back there.
Howard said that Joe was totally annoyed with him back stage and told Rick the bass player to teach him. Rick told him he'd just feel it out there on stage. Howard said he told the guys to lower his amp so no one would hear him play. He said Rick and Joe turned the amp all the way up so everyone could hear him playing. Howard said he yelled at Rick to turn it down in the middle of playing so he did but then Joe turned it back up.
Howard told Sam that they went out and found this PDQ Bach album and they had to find it in the Classical Music section under comedy. Sam said he doesn't understand why he was up against Irma Bombeck and a classical music guy. He said he can accept being up against comedians and losing to them.
Howard played a clip from this PDQ Bach guy and Sam was goofing on his delivery and talking about how lame it was. The jokes were going over their heads.
Howard played more of the clip and no one was laughing. Sam wasn't digging it at all. Howard said he got one of the jokes. He said it makes you feel like a genius when you get just one joke. He played more of the clip and picked up on a speech impediment the guy had. They goofed on him about that and Howard said they should shove the Grammy in the guy's mouth. The guy was talking about PDQ Bach in the third person so Howard was wondering what was going on with that. They were wondering if the guy was doing an introduction for the actual guy or something.
Howard skipped to another track to hear if it was a different guy. It turned out to be the same guy. Sam said that the audience there are all elitists and you can tell by listening to it. He couldn't believe that this is what beat him for the comedy album Grammy.
Sam wondered if the guy talks about music or does he actually play music. Howard said he wasn't sure. He said it was tough to skip around on a CD.
Howard played more of the PDQ Bach stuff but said he had enough after a few more seconds. Sam said he has to find out if he really does just talk on that album. He said he can't believe he was beat out by this guy.
Howard asked Sam and Joe if they wanted to do a song together. Sam was up for it. Joe kind of got the album that they were playing so he was joking about some of the stuff the guy was talking about that no one else got.
Gary told the guys that the album they were listening to wasn't the one that won the Grammy. Gary said that the guy has been doing that stuff since 1966 so he's been doing it a really long time. Gary said it's not easy to find the albums though.
Howard asked Joe and Sam to jam together. Sam told Howard he got some good news about his album. He said they sold 132,000 albums in a week. He said that's really good for a comedy album. Sam said they had a special version for Howard.
Howard got Joe and Sam hooked up with guitars. He asked Joe to do a little bit of ''The Confessor.'' Joe had to tune his guitar first though. They were having some technical problems with the other equipment too. Joe did a little bit of ''The Confessor'' for them. Howard got his Casio keyboard going so he could play drums. Sam did some guitar playing and jammed with Joe a little bit. They did a little more of ''The Confessor'' with Sam and Howard ruining the song.
Joe started in on some ''Rocky Mountain Way'' so Howard and Sam joined in on that. Howard was tapping away on his Casio playing drums. Joe didn't have a slide with him so he couldn't play the song properly. He gave up after 30 seconds or so.
Robin asked Joe to play ''Life's Been Good'' instead. Joe said he would do it but he had a trombone in the other room for Howard to play. Howard said he wasn't going to do that. Howard and Sam played along with Joe and ruined another song. Joe was having some problems remembering the song. He was also telling Howard how to play drums along with the song. They didn't last long with that one either.
Howard wanted to close the show with ''Desperado'' but it didn't have drums in it. Robin said that was a good thing.
Sam played some Alice Cooper and some Joe Walsh stuff while they waited for a piano keyboard to be brought in for ''Desperado.''
Howard had Joe play Desperado for them. Howard said he would play drums even though they didn't need it in that song. Howard gave it some high hat. They had the piano going and a guitar going. Joe sang the whole song while Howard and Sam played over him. Sam said that was great to be able to play with Joe. He said he had a woody and he wanted a drink after that.
After that we heard Lisa Lampanelli talking about how Joe played that song again a few months later and that ended up breaking up the Eagles.
Robin said Gilbert didn't observe the waiting period. Howard and Sam talked about how Elton John didn't wait and he wore that goofy hat. Howard said he was wearing a gay Shriner kind of hat. Sam said he's like Admiral Death. Sam said it's their job to go there when other guys go left. Robin said that it's 3 days later and that doesn't mean that it's any less funny.
Sam said during the breaks they're catching their breath. He said they think they have iron cast hearts and that's just not the case. Howard said they do grieve in their own way. Howard said Sam slugged Gilbert at one point. He said Sam punched him in the face and then he went over and started slamming Gilbert's face into the wall. Then they get back on the air and start right back up.
Howard said the party continued in his office after the show. Howard said it would have gone on all day if he didn't have a meeting. Sam said that his Gary impression is bad. Howard said they say that when Gilbert does an impression he doesn't sound like it.
Howard said he doesn't get the Gary thing but it is funny. Sam said he didn't even know who he was supposed to be doing at first.
Howard told Fred to bring in Barry Grey's guide to doing comedy. Howard said this guy has been doing comedy for like 100 years and he's still making $25,000 a year. Howard said there's nothing wrong with that but you're not a great comedian if you're doing that. Howard said he had some lean years himself so he knows hard times.
Howard asked Sam why he was drinking soda so early in the morning. Sam said he already had his orange juice. He said the soda is like his coffee.
Howard said he starts talking about healthy things and he regrets it within minutes. Howard said he noticed that Sam doesn't smell from booze anymore. He said that he likes to hug when he's drunk and he used to smell that booze smell. Howard said they just shake hands goodbye now that he's sober.
Howard and Sam talked about Frank Gannon from the Letterman show. Howard said Gannon became a fan of his when Letterman became a fan. Howard asked Sam if he did his pre-interview with the Letterman people. Sam said he did. He said he gave them some material that he's going to do. Sam said Gannon thinks that he's going to talk about normal stuff but he's going to go for the crazy stuff.
Howard asked Fred if he had that Barry Grey list of how to do comedy. Fred found it and played it. It was a clip of Barry Grey on the Dick Cavett show. Howard played some of that and talked about some of the things he's talked to Dick about. Howard said he told Dick about how his show makes millions of dollars for the radio station and he just accepted it. Howard said he didn't question anything.
Howard got back to the tape and played more of Barry talking about Howard. Barry was saying that he's heard from mutual friends who say that Howard is a very nice man. Howard said he'd like to know who the mutual friends are. Robin said maybe it's Dee Snider. Howard said anyone who really knows him knows that he's miserable. Robin said maybe it's Leslie West. Howard said he was on the phone with Leslie last night for hours. Howard did his impression of Leslie and said that his head was going to explode.
Howard played more of the Barry Grey clip and he talked about the jokes that Howard Stern has made about people dying of AIDS and things like that. Howard said that the FCC has said it's broadcaster's responsibility to educate people not to smoke cigarettes. Howard said that's not his responsibility. He said that we're in trouble if they start forcing people to do that. Howard said they should just outlaw cigarettes if they don't want people smoking. Howard said they won't do that though. Howard said he has to leave the business because they're going to force him out with rules like that. Howard said it's insane.
Sam said he goes through the same thing. He said that he has to do politically correct jokes on his album so they don't get that sticker put on them.
Howard said the FCC has found an agenda and they want to fine him for saying that he doesn't care if you smoke or not. Howard said if it's his job to cure the ills of society then they should let him know ahead of time. Howard said he didn't get into it for that. They went to break a short time later.
After an edited out break Howard came back and played more of the Barry Grey audio. Barry was talking about how AIDS is not humorous at this point but maybe in 5 or 10 years it will be. He said he heard Jackie Mason making Hitler jokes and that might be funny 25-30 years later but not at the time. Howard and Sam talked about how ridiculous that is. Sam said that they're just ahead of their time.
Howard said this guy thinks that he's sitting home asking himself what he can do that's so outrageous. Howard and Sam goofed on this guy about his crazy thoughts on the rules of comedy. Barry was talking about the jokes he's heard Howard making about priests and things like that. Howard said they goof on guys who are having sex with young boys. He said Barry Grey can't see the humor in that.
Sam said this guy reminds him of Alan King talking about comics who work blue. Howard said Alan is a good example. He said his job seems to be going to the US Open and waving to the crowd there. Howard and Sam went off on Alan King for a couple of minutes.
Sam asked how Dick was with Howard. Howard said he was fine. He said it was pretty funny actually. Howard said he had to take another break. He wanted to do that and come back and do the news. They went to break a short time later.
After the edited out break they came back and Robin read some news. Robin read a story about a black kid who ended up dead after the cops went after him. Howard asked Sam if he had any jokes about that. Sam just laughed. Howard said he saw this story and they show this smiling, angelic face. He asked Robin for the details about this kid. Robin said he was carrying a gun and he may have been implicated in another crime from a couple of months ago. Robin said he was a high school drop out too. Howard said he had a nice picture and that's the one they show. Robin had some audio of some people commenting on that story. They spent a few minutes discussing that and the family's response to the kid's death.
Gary came in and said that they had a few black people from the area that the kid was killed in and they refused to come on the air. They do have one white man from the area who is willing to come on the air. Howard took the call and the guy told Howard that they moved in about 20 years ago for about $120,000. He said he's lucky if the house sells for $85,000 now. Howard said the reason he's having trouble selling it is because he's had Italians living in it for 20 years. The caller said that's not fair. Howard said he was just kidding.
The caller said he has a 14 year old daughter who is being harassed in school and he's burned up by that. He said he can't take a bat and fight these people every day. He said Teaneck is like that. He said the cops don't know what else to do. They don't need to be threatened like that.
Howard asked Sam if he has anything to add to this. Sam said he and the girls were going to the train yesterday and they had to make a mad dash over there.
Howard said he lived in a mixed community for about a minute until it went all black. Howard said it can be an intense scene. He said he'd hate to see it break into a racial thing. He said this kid was carrying a gun. He said the cops aren't such experts that they know how a kid is going to act. He said the guy isn't going to talk to the kid. Howard said they have to wait and see what happens with that case. Gary told Howard they have a black man from Teaneck who is willing to come on the air to talk about that story. Howard said he had to take a break before getting to him.
Howard came back from break and Gilbert Gottfried showed up again. Howard said this is going to be a party. Howard said he's up for this today. Howard said they have to talk to the angry black man. He told Gilbert he has to understand. Gilbert was ready to go.
Howard took the call from the black man from Teaneck. He said he doesn't understand how Robin can sit there and ridicule this story. The caller was trying to speak but Howard asked Gilbert what he thinks. Gilbert said a few words over the guy on the phone who wouldn't stop talking. Everyone was talking over each other.
Howard said it's not the job of every black person to talk about black issues. The caller said what Robin says makes a difference. The caller said his mother is wondering if this is going to happen to her son. Howard asked if has a gun on him. Howard said this isn't about a ''black'' kid. It's about a ''kid.'' That kid was carrying a gun.
Howard and Robin tried talking to the caller but he wasn't listening. Howard told the guy that they've heard about the home life of that kid. Robin said if you have a bad kid then you have a bad kid. Howard said he wants to talk one on one with this guy. He said he resents him as a black man calling up and having to direct his issues to a woman who is black. Howard said it shouldn't matter if she's black or white. The caller said that it does matter. Howard said it really doesn't. Howard said even if it was her cousin it wouldn't matter.
Howard and the caller were going back and forth arguing about that story. The caller said he works for a newspaper and he knows they're going to whitewash that story. Howard asked why it would be whitewashed if he works there. He wouldn't say. The caller said he thinks Howard and the guys are funny most of the time but sometimes they're just wrong.
The caller said that the story they have in the paper isn't true about his father not paying child support. He said that story is bullshit. Howard said all they know is that everyone is quick to indict the cops. Howard said if he's not going to listen to him then he's going to hang up on him. The caller told him to just hang up then. Howard ended up hanging up when he wouldn't stop going to Robin about the black issue.
Howard said he doesn't want to get into the black and white issue. He said it bores him. Howard said he wants to tell the caller that before he goes around having a race riot he should see what happened first. Howard said he has to think about the way he would handle it if he was a cop. Howard said if the kid's father was there for him then maybe it would be a different story. Robin said it's not clear what was really going on with that family.
Howard asked what it would have been like if Dice was the police officer. Gilbert went into his Dice impression and goofed around with that for a few seconds.
Gary told Howard that the guy was back on the phone. He wondered why he hung up on him. Howard picked up and told him that he wasn't listening to him so he hung up on him. The caller said that he wasn't able to hear what was going on with the guys in the background talking over him. Sam said he was quiet during that. He said it was Gilbert who was talking.
The caller said he loves the show but when they're dealing with this issue then there's a problem. Howard said he's going to give this guy his thoughts on this and he's not going to like it. Howard told the guy that he has to spread the word he gives him. Howard told the guy he has to be the commander and emissary. Howard said he's Commander X like Malcolm X. Howard said he will be Commander Farrakhan if he likes him. Howard told the guy that every family, not just black, has to stay home with their children and raise them correctly. The caller cut him off. Howard said he has to listen to him. He said he will turn him over to Colonel Sanders if he doesn't listen.
Howard said what this caller has to get out there is ''go to school.'' The caller kept interrupting. He wanted to talk to Robin but Robin was backing Howard up with this stuff. Howard said everyone has to go to school and behave. He said you study and go get a job. Howard said we're going to create black businesses. He said it doesn't sound all that exciting but everyone is going to go out and get a job. He said they're going to open magazine stands and then buy real estate. Howard said when the cops come over then you don't make any sudden movements. He said you just lay down and spread your legs and apologize to the cop.
The caller kept interrupting. Howard said he's going to hang up on him if he doesn't listen. Howard said Jessica Hahn will be training the troops. He said they're going to avoid a lot of problems by doing things his way. He said he has to go print this and spread the news.
Howard told the caller he has his commands and he should go out and spread the word. He asked Robin about why she does the things she does and takes that position she does. Robin said this guy is being very silly. Howard hung up on him again.
Howard said that all made perfect sense to him. Robin said she's not going to pretend that people are raising their kids correctly when they're not. Sam kept quiet the whole time during that discussion. Howard said he really has to take a break. They went to break a short time later.
In the clip Howard was talking about how Sam ran into Dennis Miller back stage at a show. He said that Dennis used to come on the show until he lost his sense of humor. Howard said he used to come on until he made a reference to his wife. He said Dennis got upset with what he said. Robin said he basically said that he was marrying a model and Howard asked what his first wife looked like. Howard said Dennis asked him to edit that out of the show. Howard said he would edit it out because it wasn't that big of a deal. Howard said he never edits anything but he did edit that out. Howard said Dennis never showed up again. Howard said the girlfriend was offended and Dennis has no sense of humor. Howard said he cut it out of the show because Dennis asked him to but then he stopped coming on the show.
Howard told Sam to tell Dennis to get lost next time he sees him. Sam said he'll do that. Howard said Dennis is pussy whipped and that's why he won't come on the show. That led to Gilbert and Howard doing their ''hey man'' bit together. Sam was doing a Jackie impression too.
Howard had Robin get back to her news. Robin read about the John List trial and how they found him guilty. Robin read some details about the trial and what John List was doing while this verdict was being read. He was staring down the jury.
Robin read some more news stories and Gilbert was doing his Jay Leno impression. That led to Howard talking about how Jay is no risk taker on his show. Howard talked to Gilbert as Jay for a couple of minutes and goofed on him.
Robin said that the East Germans are apologizing to the Jews. She said they are admitting to some wrong doings. Sam said that Robin is going to have some fun with this story. Gilbert wasn't goofing on anyone anymore. Sam did his Jackie impression again and went back and forth with Gilbert. Robin read more about that story and Howard said Gilbert is wondering if they really have to do that story. They were goofing on Dennis Miller saying that Gilbert wanted this edited out of the show.
Robin read a little more news and read about Billy Graham having a rib removed. Howard and the guys had some fun goofing around with that story too. They went to break a short time later.
After the edited out break Howard came back and said that Gilbert is doing his Dice impression and he knows that some people are going to get upset. Howard said he would pay to see Gilbert doing that Dice impression. He asked if he would do that. Gilbert said he would do that. Sam said he could call himself Yahtzee instead of Dice.
Howard read an article about Sam and the Friday Night Videos show he did. Howard asked where the part was that got Sam upset. Sam told him to keep reading. Howard wasn't able to find it. Robin found it and they referred to Sam as ''gnome-ish'' and talked about how some people find him ugly and rude. Sam asked what that has to do with his act. Howard said you have to read the last part where they sum up. Sam said that's where they call him ugly and a pig.
Howard read more of that article and talked about some of the stuff they mentioned. They were talking about his upcoming Letterman appearance. That led to Howard bringing in the Outlaws of Comedy who were there with Sam. Sam said they're killer guys.
Howard said that the Outlaws had been there since 7:30. The guys came in and thanked Howard for putting them in the same room as Public Enemy. Howard said the guys will be at the show with Sam. Sam heard that Malika and Sabrina were there too. Howard said they could come in too.
Howard said Malika was looking very good. Robin said she's changed. Howard spent a minute talking to her about how long it took for Sam to get her. She said that it was their second date but Sam said it was the same date, just the next morning.
Howard asked Malika if it would bother her if Sam was doing stuff to himself instead of having sex with her. She didn't seem to have a problem with it. Howard said he heard that when Malika finds Sam's porn tapes she tapes Gallagher over them. Sam said that's a cruel joke.
Howard asked if Sam is better in bed sober than he was when he was drunk. Sam said he has to be. He said that Malika is sober too so they're both good in bed. Malika said it's like Sam is the new Sam and they're meeting all over again. Howard said he thinks that they covered it all today. Robin had a little more news to get to before they ended the show.
Howard said he was going to end the show with one of Sam's songs. Gary had to get him the CD. Howard got the CD and asked for track 3. They had a little more fun with Gilbert Dice Clay and then Howard played Sam's remake of ''Mississippi Queen.''
In the clip Howard took a call from Sam and told him that he can't have his girls come down. He said that Sam can come in but not the girls. Howard said that it's Stephen Baldwin's party. Sam said he saw Dice the other night. He said they spoke. Howard said now they're friends. Sam said that Dice told him that he appreciates Howard standing up for him about the Saturday Night Live thing.
Howard asked Sam why he was talking to Dice. Sam said they just ran into each other and he was talking to him. Sam told Howard about what he was saying about him backing him up. Howard said he did back him up and he thinks that Nora Dunn is a jerk. Howard said they ruined the show by over hyping it. Howard said the whole thing got out of hand.
Howard asked Sam where he saw Dice. Sam said he saw him by the Comedy Store. He said he was just strolling by. Howard said he didn't think he went there anymore. Sam said he doesn't. Howard asked Sam if he's still a changed man. Sam said he is... pretty much. He said he has had a few Screwdrivers. He's stayed off of drugs though.
Howard said he thought Sam was clean other than Amil Nitrate. Sam said they say that doing that stuff isn't good for your heart. Howard said it really isn't. Sam said he's trying to get off of all of that stuff.
Howard asked Sam about going to AA meetings. Sam said he has to say he's in a 12 step program and not mention AA. He said he doesn't get it but that's what they told him. Howard asked why they get mad. Sam said it's supposed to be anonymous. Howard said if someone wants to come out and say they're in it then what's the down side? Sam said he's stayed off of coke and pot and he's backing off of the Amil now. Howard said he is doing better.
Howard said Sam is amazing. He said he can search all of L.A. and he can find a doctor who tells him that Screwdrivers and Amil Nitrate are good for your health.
Howard asked Sam when he brought Screwdrivers back into the program. Sam said he did that after his Vegas shows with Belzer. He said he's going to blame Belzer. Howard said he knows he likes to drink. Howard asked if he saw Belzer's complexion and went into a funk. Sam laughed.
Sam said he was going to get a 90 day chip but he wasn't able to accept it because he didn't quite make it 90 days. Howard said he's basically saying that he worked with Belzer and he was driven to drink. He said if Sam worked with Louie Anderson he'd be on Heroin now. Robin asked Sam how long he's been sober now. Sam said he's not sure. He hasn't been keeping count. Sam said he wants to just do what he can and maybe have a drink now and then.
Howard asked Sam if people started hounding him about his drinking. Sam said people are supportive and they tell him to keep going to the meetings.
Howard asked Sam if he wanted to come to the bachelor party. Sam said he's up for it. Howard said there might be drinking there and he hopes Sam can handle it. Sam said he'll see what he can do.
Howard said he'll see Sam tomorrow. He put him on hold for Gary. Robin said she can't believe he's drinking. Howard said that is pretty funny. Howard said that Sam was doing Amil Nitrate and he got the 30 day chip from the AA group. Howard said Sam didn't think of it as a drug. Howard said the Amil Nitrate thing always gets him. He said that's a homosexual drug because it helps relax their sphincter. They went to break a short time later.
That led into a Stern Show clip from June 6, 1990. In the clip Howard was talking to Sam and said he had a clip of George Carlin saying something nice about him. Howard said Sam is the host of the International Rock Awards tonight. Howard said he has to talk about Clapton too.
Howard said Robin told him that Stuttering John saw Clapton yesterday and so did Robin. Howard said Ronnie saw him too. Howard said John was the only one who went up to him and talked to him though. Howard said he heard that John smacked him on the back.
Gary came in and said that Jessica Hahn is upset that Sam was ranking on her hotline. Howard said he didn't say it wasn't good. He said he was just saying that she has interesting logic. Howard said he found it fun to call up and analyze the story. Howard said he was on the hotline for a few minutes. Howard said maybe her mind is full of cobwebs if she just woke up.
Sam told Howard that he had a guy ask him for an autograph out in the rain. He said the guy ended up serving him papers.
Howard had Stuttering John come in to talk about this Clapton thing. John came in and said he saw Clapton out and he went up to him. Howard asked if he slapped him on the back for breaking up Cream. He said he could have slapped him once for Jack Bruce and once for Jack's wife.
Howard asked John if he hit him. John said he tapped him on the shoulder but he didn't even look his way. Howard said he heard John was upset that he didn't even say hi. John said he could have acknowledged him at least. Howard said he could have asked what it was like to hump a Beatles wife.
Howard said he heard that Billy West is going to dinner with Steven Tyler tonight. Howard said they just called Billy up and asked him to go. Howard said he doesn't want to go out with a bunch of guys like that. He said he wouldn't want to be on the periphery. Howard said he's not impressed seeing those guys up close. He said he really doesn't know those guys so he doesn't want to go out and hang out. Sam said he could get to know them if he came out with them.
After an edited out break Howard came back and did a live commercial. Howard tried to follow the commercial but it was tough. He said he had to get out of there. Howard said he had to go prepare his show and get out of this commercial.
Howard played some audio of what George Carlin said about Sam. He said Sam should like this. Carlin was talking about Dice Clay and what he thinks about him. Then Carlin talked about Sam and what he thinks about him.
Howard and Sam spent a few minutes analyzing what Carlin was saying there. Howard and Sam had different takes on what he was saying. Sam said he's blown away by Dice drawing in 40,000 people at a concert. He said he just doesn't get it. Sam ended up going off on Dice again and talking about how crappy his movie is going to be. He said he thinks that Dice is lying when he says that he's doing a character. He said he's the same guy on stage as he is off stage. He said that's not a fictional character. Sam said that he's himself and Howard is Howard. He said Howard Stern isn't a fictional character. He said he thinks that Dice is trying to weasel out of the whole Saturday Night Live thing.
Sam went off on Gilbert Gottfried too. He said that he saw him on Super Boy and that's just not the thing a guy like that should be doing. Sam and Howard goofed around about that for a minute. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Howard told a story about Gary calling him to watch Sam on Entertainment Tonight. Gary thought Sam was high. Howard said he did look a little ripped. Howard said he must have been wrong. Sam said he thinks it was the lighting. He said he wasn't ripped. Sam said he was high on life. He went off on MTV for treating him the way they've been treating him. He said they don't want to run his video so they keep sending it back to him. Sam said Howard would be pissed too.
Howard said Sam had sex with Jessica Hahn and there must have been some attraction there. Sam said maybe he was taken advantage of. Howard said he's a man and he had an opportunity and he took it. That's the way it should be.
Howard told Sam about Stuttering John getting into the tub with Jessica once and turning the water brown. Howard said he was so dirty that the water color changed. Sam didn't know that story. Howard said he and Jackie had to go in the tub too. Howard said he got into his underpants and Jackie stayed in his pants. He said Jackie had Jessica on his shoulder and the two of them were sitting nicely. Howard said nothing happened. He said they were just in the tub having fun. Howard ended up playing the Jackie apology where he said he was sorry for the Jessica Hahn bathtub incident. Howard said they weren't supposed to make a mockery of that. Jackie said he had his pants on in the tub and didn't do anything wrong.
Howard said he complained that Jessica was on Jackie's shoulders. Jackie said she wasn't on his shoulders. Howard said Jackie got in the tub and kept his pants on. Howard said he got in the tub and he ended up next to her. Howard said the tub was real small too. He said it was very tight in there. Howard said the point is that he said to Jackie that he was not happy in the tub. He said nothing was happening for him. Howard said he was at one end and Jessica was at the other. Howard said Jessica was in there for him. Jackie said this was during the Philadelphia funeral. Sam asked why he wasn't there. Howard said he would never call him to do a funeral thing like that.
Howard played Jackie's apology again. Howard said he'll be doing that at Rascal's tonight. Sam said he might use that on the award show tonight. Jackie said Howard should eat him. Howard said he has to stop the show because Jackie has something to say. Jackie said he was just telling Sam what a good time he had with Jessica on his shoulders.
Howard got back to the bathtub thing and said he ended up facing the faucets and Jackie was behind Jessica. He said that Jessica massaged his chest and stomach and started going over his underpants so he jumped out. Howard said he's not sure what Jackie was doing. Howard said he heard her saying a lot of ''Don't do that...'' Howard played the apology clip again. They wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard Talks To Sam Kinison. 06/08/1990. 7:00am
Howard and Sam talked to Robin about her breast reduction and how she must not have had all that much removed because her boobs are still so big. Gary came in around then and said that the guys were there for the bachelor party. He said there were some pretty wild looking guys there too.
Howard said he wanted to talk about something that went on with Sam. He got a call from Sam yesterday and whenever he calls, he always feels like he's under trial or something. He said he got a message from Sam asking him to call. He called him back at his hotel room and Sam went off on him for bad mouthing him on the air. He didn't hear anything himself, he just heard from some people that he was bad mouthing him.
Sam said that what freaks Malika out is when Howard talks to Jessica Hahn, so that's what it was all about. Howard said he put Sam on hold but then ended up hanging up on him. Sam called back and told him that he had cleared things up and found out that he really wasn't bad mouthing him.
Howard said Sam was also talking about this Elton John thing that went on. They shot a show together but Sam was left out of the shot when they taped it. They cut to some obscure guy instead of to Sam who was on this ABC special. Sam said that they did that deliberately too.
Howard had some tape of Sam talking about some stuff on Entertainment Tonight so he played those. Sam was talking about how he was sympathetic to the cure of AIDS and he sounded kind of like Jackie giving his apology to his wife about the Jessica Hahn bathtub incident. They mixed the two tapes together and goofed on Sam a little bit.
Howard told Sam he did a good job on this award show thing he did. They talked about that for a short time. Sam talked about how his guitar was unplugged when he was jamming on stage. He said they didn't tell him that he was unplugged and he thought that there was something wrong with the plug. He said he felt like a jackass trying to play and when he was done he threw the guitar at the manager who made him look like a jerk live on air. He said he came in to save their show and that's the way they treat him. All he wanted to do was play with Eric Clapton and they ruined that for him when they had him unplugged.
Sam said he went to the China Club after that and got to jam with some other people. He said he had a good time with Ritchie Sambora, Sebastian Bach and a bunch of other guys. He said he was more upset about the Eric Clapton thing than he was about the Elton John thing. He started drinking after that to calm himself down. He said he'll turn himself in when he goes to his AA meetings.
Sam told Howard he didn't do any drugs so he's fine there. He said that he used to do a lot in the past but he's done with the coke now. Howard told Sam that there's not going to be any drinking today at the bachelor party. Sam said that he's not going to do drugs ever again. He thinks that pot should be legalized and he may smoke that stuff but he won't do the hard core drugs.
Howard said Sam called him and asked if he could bring a camera crew in with him today. Howard said he had to turn that down. Gary came in and said that the girls and the guys were all ready to get going. Howard had to take a break before they did that.
The Stephen Baldwin Bachelor Party Begins. 06/08/1990. 7:25am
After the break Howard said that they were going to give Sam a guitar at the end of the show and have him play with Clapton. He was in the middle of a commercial and wanted to get that out but Sam was giving him a hard time goofing around with him. That led to Howard and Sam doing a Carnac segment together. Sam didn't know how that worked so Howard had to walk him through it. Howard played Carnac and Sam played Ed McMahon. Howard did a couple of jokes and Sam played along with him. Howard had Sam laughing pretty hard during that bit.
Howard eventually moved on to the bachelor party and told Gary to bring the guys in. There was a lot of hooting and hollering going on as they were coming in. Stephen Baldwin and his friends were there so Howard spoke to Stephen for a short time. He checked out a picture of his new wife and found out how he met her on a bus.
Stephen said that his wife's name is Kennya. He said that he's not doing a pre-nup with her. Howard seemed to think that was a little crazy.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he knows Stephen's fiancé and she's really wild. Stephen's friend defended him and told him he was going to be sleeping with the fishes. The guy claimed to be a stripper who danced for his fiancé. Stephen said that the guy had gotten him. Howard told Stephen that this just means that he can get down with the girls that are going to be at this party. The stripper caller said that they had a midget at the bachelorette party. Stephen said he heard about that guy. He wondered if he was well hung. The stripper guy didn't have an answer for that.
The guys asked the stripper about what went on at the bachelorette party and found out he was in a cowboy outfit and stripped down for the girls. He said that Stephen's girl was rubbing all over him as well as one of the other girls. Stephen asked him to leave his number in case he needs to call him to get a sworn deposition from him. The guy said that Kennya was kissing him and stuff and may have had her mouth open slightly. He said that she slipped him a little tongue. He said that some of the girls were even copping a feel.
Howard got rid of the caller and said he wanted to get the girls in there. Gary brought the girls down and said that he only had three of them. Howard said he thought they were going to audition for them. He wanted Gary to bring them out and have them audition in the window for the studio. Howard said that they only had three girls there and they looked like The Supreme's. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
More Stephen Baldwin Bachelor Party. 06/08/1990. 7:55am
After the break Howard said that they had to tell the guys that they're not allowed to smoke at this party. He said that's some bachelor party. He told Robin that he was thinking of going to get a tattoo this weekend and Sam might go with him. Robin said she wanted to go if they're both going. Sam said he was still thinking about it, he wasn't sure if he was going to get one or not.
Howard did some more of his Carnac impression and then got back to the party. He said they were going to have the girls audition for them outside the studio in front of the window they have there. They tried to set Stephen up so he could see the girls as they were auditioning outside. Gary then brought the girls on one at a time to that window.
The first girl, Toni Chase, was asking why she couldn't just come in. Howard told her that they have to audition everyone because they want to know what she's going to do. The guys thought she looked a little bit like Valerie Bertinelli. Howard asked to see her top so she said she could just tease them a little. She pulled down her bra and Howard told her she was in. Then she mooned them. Howard told the guys to send the rest home. He had her come in right after that.
Howard said the next girl was a black chick who was about 6 feet tall. Gary told him that they had Kennya on the phone too. Howard picked up on her and she asked Stephen what he was doing. She said that the guy who called in earlier was a hoax. She said that she didn't do anything with that guy. As she was talking about that the chick in the studio started jumping up and down all over Stephen.
Kennya said she was just calling in to say she loves Stephen so Howard hung up on her. Howard had to ask Sam to stay with him there. He talked to the next girl, Elizabeth, and asked her what she does. She's a topless dancer from Texas. She had a present for Steve and said it was her bra. Howard wanted to get some of the girls hypnotized by Dr. King who was there. He tried to get his attention but Gary didn't have headphones on him so he couldn't hear what was going on. Howard eventually got his attention and told Dr. King what he wanted to do.
Howard heard that more girls had shown up so he had Gary bring them in. He met a 25 year old who said that she was a nude talk show host. She took her bra off and showed the guys what she had. She covered up within a few seconds though. Sam said that she didn't look like she had any implants.
Howard met the next girl who was at the window. Her name was Wendy. She was 24 years old and said she was a professional dancer. Gary said that he had some other girls there and brought up Tracy who took her top off within a few seconds of meeting the guys. Sam said that all of the girls looked to be natural so far. He said there were no implants yet.
Gary said that the first girl was done being hypnotized. Howard wanted to get all of the girls hypnotized and couldn't wait for that. Robin said she heard that Stephen was out in the hall telling his fiancé to calm down. He claimed that he told her that she was going to be in big trouble when he got home but that's not what Robin heard. Howard told him he shouldn't be explaining himself to his wife. He should tell her to shut up and leave him alone. Sam said he should be telling her to shut her hole.
Howard had a girl on his lap and said he was having a good time while everyone else was just gay. Howard said that Steve had his hand in Sam's lap. Howard heard that this one girl, Elizabeth, wanted to start a strip club and wanted money from the government to start it. Howard talked to hear about that and then had one of the girls give Stephen a hug. Howard asked him how that felt. Stephen had one of his buddies tell him he was looking good and then he said that he was ''feelin' goooood.''
Howard said that it was time for the girls to get naked. one of the girls asked if he was going to get naked first. Howard said that had been done before, but it won't be happening this time. He went around the room and asked all of the girls if they were ready to go. They played some music and then some of the girls started to dance. Stephen had his head buried in one of the girl's chests. He said that he was going to let it happen to him too. He said he loved it after the girl gave him a bronsky.
Howard said that one of the girls was down to a g-string and told her to keep going. Some of the girls weren't doing much of anything so he tried to get them going. Then Steve's friends started taking their clothes off. Howard said that Elizabeth's top came off and the guys were taking their clothes off too. Howard said he doesn't think that Stephen should be getting married after seeing this.
One of the girls said she wanted to say hi to her boyfriend but that didn't go over very well. Another girl still had her top on so Robin pointed that out. She had her top off a short time later. Howard had to go to break in the middle of the party. He said he wanted to partake in some of the party and then he'd come back from break.
Girls Hypnotized By Dr. King. 06/08/1990. 8:30am
After the break Howard had everyone calm down. He said that girl Elizabeth was jumping all over him during the break. He talked about how in shape Stephen seems to be. Stephen got in a plug for his tattoo artist since they mentioned his tattoos. They talked about some of the stuff that was going on during the break and earlier in the show.
Howard had Shelly the Typist come in after that. She was ready to take her shirt off. Howard said he thought she was going to take more than that off. She asked the other girls if they were going to do it too. Howard had all of the girls take their tops off with her.
Howard moved on to Dr. King and asked him which girls they could hypnotize. Dr. King put on his headphones and tried to get everyone's attention. Sam was the one who wasn't paying much attention so he said he'd try. Dr. king then told Howard that this one little girl against the wall was one who he could hypnotize. She hadn't taken any of her clothes off yet. Her name was Tracy. Dr. King tried to work his magic on her and put her to sleep for a few seconds and then told her what he was going to have her do. When she woke up she was doing just what Dr. King said she would.
Next up was Tracy. Dr. King put her to sleep and Howard told him to have her go nuts when she saw someone rubbing their nose. Dr. King used Howard's nose as the trigger for her. He told her that she was going to get so excited that she was going to orgasm when she saw him rubbing his nose. He also told her that she was going to get turned on to the guy in the red hat, Stephen, but it was Howard who was turning her on. They had her come out of it after that and she did her thing as Howard was rubbing his nose. She sounded like she was really getting off. Dr. King put her back to sleep again a short time later. She was trying to pull down Stephen's pants at one point. Steve said that his pants were soaking wet over there.
Dr. King worked his magic on that chick again and had her thinking that she had been with Stephen the night before. She told Howard the story about being with him and doing him early this morning. She said it was late last night or early this morning that they had done it. She said that she had met him on her way there and they went to a hotel across the street to do it. She said she didn't know that he was getting married though. They had Stephen spanking her and Howard had to put a stop to that. The girl was getting really worked up over the whole thing. He had to take another break after that.
Richard Belzer Visits The Bachelor Party. 06/08/1990. 8:55am
After the break Howard came back and said that Sam was busy with the girls and they probably wouldn't be hearing from him for a while. Howard said that Sam might be ''under the weather'' now. Sam said that he was having a good time and this was all for Steve. Howard said Stephen was bumming out because Fred was taking some video. He said they were going to give him the tape so he could do with it what he wanted.
Howard said he predicts that Stephen's marriage will last about 3 months. He figured it wouldn't survive the tension. Stephen said that he's talked to his fiancé about it and she's fine with it. Howard was trying to finish a live commercial but there was a lot going on in the studio. Dr. King was still doing his hypnosis stuff with the girls.
Howard said that Richard Belzer was going to be coming in soon so he wanted Dr. King to do something with the girls to mess with Belz. Dr. King put Tracy to sleep and told her she was going to be speaking fluent Chinese when she woke up and she was going to be attracted to Belzer when she saw him. He told her that Belzer was going to have an amazing aura around him that she was going to be attracted to.
Howard had Belzer come into the studio a short time later. He introduced him to Tracy and he asked her if she was air sick or something. She came out of her hypnosis and gave him an ''Ah-so'' and then rambled out some stuff that kind of sounded Chinese. She then went over to Belzer and started speaking her own version of Chinese. She didn't have much of a vocabulary though.
The guys messed around with Tracy for a little while and then Dr. King put her back under by yelling out ''Tracy sleep!'' Belzer wondered if she was a dog or something. Howard said he thought that Belzer was going to ruin the party but he was actually having some fun. Howard had Dr. King tell Tracy to get turned on when she hears Belzer saying ''Babe.'' Dr. King did that and woke her up a short time later.
Belzer did his ''babe'' thing and tried turning Tracy on by repeating the word over and over again. Howard thanked Dr. King for coming in and gave him some plugs. He had to go to break again after that.
The Bachelor Party Ends. 06/08/1990. 9:20am
Howard came back after break and said that he was having a good time today. He said he likes that he has control of the microphones because the girls were all looking at him for attention. Howard said that all of the girls had actually left except for the one girl who was with Belzer. The guys talked about how great Toni was today.
Howard said that Belzer's pants were soaking wet. Belzer said they weren't wet, they were moist. Howard talked to Belzer and to Sam about the girls that they had in there. Howard said that Belzer was the life of the party today. He thought he wasn't going to work out but he actually had a good time in there.
Howard asked the girls if they wanted to dance for Steve one last time before he goes off to get married. He said that they could do that and then they'd end the show. Howard said that the guys were all checking out the girls like they were checking for cancer.
Stephen thanked Howard and everyone for what they did for him. He sounded very happy about the whole party. Howard wondered why there was only one girl with her top off at that point. Robin said they were waiting for the dance off. Sam was doing a breast exam and still doing comedy so Howard pointed that out. He said that Sam was doing stuff right there, like he was in the back seat of a car, and it was stuff he wouldn't even do in the back seat of a car. Toni was enjoying whatever it was that Sam was doing in there.
One of the girls wanted to kiss Robin but Robin wasn't interested and wanted to get out of there. She said she'd see them next week. Gary played some music after that and had the girls dance their final dance for Stephen. Howard told the girls to do their thing for Stephen.
In the clip Howard said everyone had just shown up. Howard said he had to do commercials though. Sam was there with a guy by the name of Rich. Howard went through the commercials but Sam was interrupting. Howard said he knew that Sam hooked up with Amy Lynn. Howard asked where she spent the night. She said she spent it celebrating her birthday. Howard asked if Sam was there. She said he was. She said she didn't get naked. Howard said he's in the wrong business. He said he's planning a radio show and a stupid TV show. Sam said Howard is on the cutting edge though.
Sam said he turned down a TV show gig last week. Howard asked if he was drinking. Sam said he would like some valium or something. He asked any fans who have it to bring it down. Howard said he has to finish his commercial. Howard said Amy is off his list too. He said she's going back into obscurity.
Howard said he wants Amy to himself and doesn't want Sam in there when he's spanking her. Howard told her to stop taking off her clothes. He said he's not interested anymore. Howard said this thing is off.
Howard said it's obvious that Sam has been drinking. Howard said he can't stay on until 11 today either. Howard said Amy has to do the right thing and he knew she'd end up with Sam. Howard asked where Sam's girlfriend is. Sam said they're there. Sam asked if he wanted head. Howard said he has to watch what he's saying. Sam said he said piss yesterday and he got in trouble. Sam said that Howard can say dick all he wants but he can't say anything himself.
Howard said Sam is drunk and he's getting very affectionate. Howard said Sam drinks and this is what happens. Howard said he's going to replay the tape of what Sam just did in the last 5 minutes. Howard said he gets belligerent. Then he's up with Jesus Christ. Howard said Sam is all over the place.
Howard said this new girl is going to be his new girlfriend. He said Amy is going to be so jealous. Howard asked what her name is. Her name was Sandy Korn (Sandra Taylor). Howard told the guys to give her the headphones. HE said that she's really cute. He asked if she dances anywhere. She said she doesn't but she'll be in Penthouse soon. Howard asked if she wanted a recording contract. Howard was trying to talk to her but Sam was talking over them. Howard asked Sam to please excuse him. He was trying to talk to Sandy.
Sandy asked if they could sing happy birthday to Amy. Howard said ''Amy who?'' Howard said he's not sure who that is. He thought she died in a plane crash. Howard asked if he was just making out with Larry. She said she wasn't. Howard said they just made out. Sandy told him to stop it.
Howard said Sandy is cute. He said she's his new favorite girl. Howard said that's show business. Robin said some can keep appointments and some cant. Howard asked if her mom takes her naked photos too. Sandy said no. Howard asked how old she is. Sandy said she's 23. Howard asked if she could mind being spanked by him. Sandy said no.
Howard said he had to do his commercials. Sam told him to come on, do it. He was yelling and getting all riled up about the whole thing. Howard was in the middle of doing a Nutri-System commercial so Sam pointed out that he looks right at him when he does these commercials. HE said that not all comedians have to look like the rippled Joe Piscopo. Sam was yelling at Howard and doing his Jackie voice a little bit.
Howard asked Amy if she slept with Sam last night. Howard said he must have been staring at her cans all night and that's what's going on there. Howard said Sam is sweating blood over there. Howard said he can't do anything with Amy because he's a married man. HE said he does keep his options open though.
Sam told Howard that Gary told him not to come in until 9. He said he heard they had guests but there are no guests. Howard said Amy was supposed to be the guest. Then he said that Gary said he had ''gas'' not ''guests.'' Howard said it's selfish of Sam to come in there and not congratulate Fred. Sam said he was told to not come in until 9. Howard said Fred got engaged on the air this morning. That was a big deal for Fred. He said that might mean nothing to Sam but it does to them.
Sam was quiet for a minute. Howard said now Sam is crying. Sam said he guesses there's no reason to promote his two shows down at the shore. He won't be in a good mood now that he knows he screwed up Fred's engagement.
Howard asked if Sam passed out last night. Amy said he didn't. Howard said that's very good. Robin said she's getting drunk from the fumes in there. Sam told them to sabotage his career. Howard brought up the doody incident with Jessica Hahn during that discussion.
Sam told Howard that Amy is a great girl. HE said he told her all night that he's never seen Howard cheat or do anything like that. Howard said he was supposed to be alone with Amy so she could get naked for him. Howard said it was going to be a big morning for them. Howard said they'll just have to get together another time. Howard said this is a private thing.
Howard asked Sam about being with Tico last night. He said he wanted to talk about that. Sam was all over the place talking about other stuff. Howard said that Amy was wearing Sam's babushka. Howard asked if that was a bra she was wearing. She said it's a bustiere.
Howard said Sam went to the China club last night. He tried to talk about that but Sam kept interrupting. Howard said he has to put his foot down about Amy. Sam said they were being cheered as they came into the building this morning. Howard said he cheers Amy's mom.
Howard said Amy has been with Young MC and people like that. Howard asked if Sam was with Sabrina and Malika too. Amy said she wasn't with them.
Howard said Sam did his shows at the China Club last night. He said that Sam had to blow off some steam after that. Sam said he was kidnapped. He said he wanted to be rested up for the show but people started sending him Screwdrivers. Sam said he had to drink them. He said Larry had that look on his face like he knew what was going to happen.
Howard said this can't be just 3 screwdrivers. The girls said that just started the whole thing. Howard said he must have had 3 on the way to the stage.
Howard asked Sam what happened after he left the stage. Sam said the show was a great success. He said he worships Howard for helping him out with that. Howard asked if Sam and Amy were alone together. They said they were.
Howard asked if that guy who was there is Sandy's boyfriend. She said he's not. Howard asked who she was with last night. Sandy said she was with Amy celebrating her birthday. Howard asked who this guy is in the studio. His name was Richard and that's Amy's boyfriend. Howard asked what he does. Richard was a record producer.
Howard said he has to do some news. Robin said she has a sex test for them to take. Howard asked why Amy keeps putting her hand in Sam's mouth. Howard said something went on last night. Sam saw Fred come in so he apologized to him for screwing up his engagement.
Howard said he would like his test now. Howard had to ask Sam to calm down. Howard said he has to see how he does on his sex test. Sam asked if this is what he really wants him in there for. Howard said yes.
Robin asked Howard some sex questions and Howard had to try and answer them. Howard was trying to get through it but Sam was interrupting. Robin read about how 3 out of 4 women have experienced anal intercourse. That got Sam going about that so Howard had to ask him to calm down with the anal sex talk. HE said they can't talk about that on the air.
Robin asked more questions for Howard to answer. There were questions about how many guys have had sexual experiences with other guys in their life. Robin said it's one in four. Howard and Sam were goofing around with that for a few seconds.
Gary came in and said he had Amy's ex-boyfriend, Young MC, on the phone. Amy said he's old news and he'll be opening up for her when she's famous. Howard picked up on Young MC and told him he has a full room there. Howard said Amy claims that they never slept together. Young said he was talking to Sam when he said ''hi honey.'' Amy told Young what was going on there and how she was being treated.
Howard asked Young MC about what he said about Amy in bed. Young said he didn't say anything. Howard told Gary to pull the tape. He said he has to go and said he'd call him tomorrow. Young said he may not be in good condition tomorrow. Howard said he has to keep the show moving along so he has to let him go. Howard said he's doing the news and he has 19 people in the studio. Sam said he's blowing Young MC off. He said it must be a racial thing.
Howard told Marvin (Young MC) to go call his record company. HE told him to call collect. Amy felt bad for him. Howard said he's so cheap. Howard said she cracked up his car and he dumped her. Marvin said that's not the case. Howard said Amy draws too much attention to herself. He said that Marvin is uptight about that. Howard asked if the second time or the third time with Amy was more exciting. Marvin said he's not talking about that. Amy said that she heard that Marvin was on Howard's show talking about this stuff and she didn't do any of what he was saying. Sam said Marvin and Amy met at his video so he's proud of that. Howard let Marvin go a short time later.
Howard said that he wants Robin to give him the sex questions now. Amy asked why he has to know about her sex life. Howard said he wants to know what it's like to have sex with Amy so that's why he asks Marvin those questions. Howard said regular people want to know what it's like to have sex with a Penthouse Pet. Howard said that it can get a guy a lot more motivated when they're with someone who looks like Amy.
Howard told Robin to get back to the sex survey. Robin got back to that and asked Howard more questions about sex. Robin asked if a woman can get pregnant during her menstrual cycle. Howard said that's false. Robin said it's true. Robin asked a few more questions and Howard went through them with her. Robin had some questions about erectile dysfunction and things like that. Sam asked who put this survey together. Robin said it's Kinsey.
Robin asked what the average size of a penis is. Howard said 5 inches. Robin said it is 5-7 inches so he's right. Robin asked if women prefer a larger one. Howard said that's true. Robin said it's actually false. Howard said he is very big and he's not sure Amy could handle it. Howard said he's unusually large. Sam was starting to talk about hard ons so Howard said he had to take a break.
Fred wasn't there to bring them to break so they didn't do it. Howard said Amy did a weird thing to him. He said she took off her shirt in front of him. He said it was a weird thing. Howard said he wasn't sure if he was supposed to do something. Amy said she was hot. Howard said he won't do her plugs until she pays him back and is nice to him.
Howard asked if Sam just jumped on top of Robin like Rodney Dangerfield. Howard said he has that story to read too. Howard said he really needs to break though. Fred showed up so Howard asked if Princess Norris was getting a lot of phone calls. Sam told Fred to remember this face and did his ''Oh... OHHHHH!'' yell for him.
Howard said Jackie is burning a hole in Amy's bra. Amy was constantly adjusting her bra. Howard said that's the kind of clothes she's wearing. Howard asked if that's less than a bra. she said it's a bustiere. Robin said anything on her is less than a bra. They went to break a short time later.
After the edited out break Howard came back and said that Sam was arguing with his girlfriend or something. Howard said he won't do Amy's plugs until she comes in there on her own and pays him back. Amy said he'll get his time alone. Howard said Amy is walking around in her bra with her breasts sticking out. Amy said she had Larry to save her last night. Robin said a woman should be able to walk around any way she wants.
Howard asked Larry about his work as a bodyguard and spent a few minutes talking to him about that. Howard asked if guys were trying to get physical with Amy last night. Larry said it wasn't bad last night. Howard asked if Sam was drunk last night. Larry said he was fine. He said Sam hasn't missed one show the whole time he's known him.
Howard said Larry is a lucky guy. he said his hand smells like Korn. Larry got a laugh out of that. Howard said Larry has to keep Sam in line. He has to make sure he gets to his shows on time. Howard asked Larry if he has to get up and leave for Sam even when he's with a girl. Larry said he does. He said that he's had to kick people out of the room when they're not invited. he said he had to throw a woman out and that can be really rough.
Larry said that some women drink too much and they become psychological counselors. Howard was trying to talk to Larry but Amy was giving hand signals. Howard said her breast just popped out of her bra too. Amy said Larry has to go. Howard asked what happened to Sam. Larry said this is that moment they were just talking about. He said he thinks he has to leave. Howard said that's not like Sam leaving like that. Howard asked what happened to Robin. Robin just disappeared.
Howard said his whole show is disappearing. He said he's getting really weird vibes. Gary came in and said that he doesn't know what's going on. He said he saw Sam talking to his girlfriend and they slammed the door. He said that's all he knows. Howard said Larry can go fine out what's going on. Robin said Sam is behind a closed door. She said she heard voices but that was it.
Robin said Malika wanted to go back to the hotel. Then she saw that Sam saw her leaving and went to talk to her. Larry told Amy that Sam is okay. Howard said there's always a problem. Howard asked if Larry straightened things out. Larry said he's not getting involved in that. Howard said Larry went in and cold cocked Malika. Amy said he did not.
Howard said he'd like to know what's going on. Larry said he thinks that Malika just wanted to go back to the hotel. Sam came in a few seconds later. He said that she got upset when he and Robin were messing around in the office. He said he didn't do anything wrong. Sam said that he can't put up with this stuff anymore. He said she's out of her mind. Sam said she's upset with him and Robin. Robin said she feels so bad. She said they were just joking around. Howard said Robin shouldn't have throw him down on that table. Robin sounded shocked that she was upset about that.
Robin said Sam was just joking around and simulating sex. She said Malika was sitting there and she figured she would get it was just a joke. They went to break a short time later.
In the clip Howard said they had Sam Kinison on the phone. Howard said they weren't sure if they were at war with him or what. Howard said he figured if Sam didn't call in when he found out they were going to be on in L.A. then he'd never call in.
Sam said he has issues with the girls. He said that he had to tell Malika everything. Howard told Sam that they're on the air. Sam said he knows. He said that he had to tell Malika that he was having an affair with her sister. He said she was incredible. Howard said he lives vicariously through him. He said he has no life compared to Sam.
Howard said he was wondering where Sam had been. Sam said he was messed up over himself so he didn't want to come on the show like that. Howard said he felt kind of bad because he wasn't sure if he did something wrong. He figured Sam would call him if he had.
Sam said that this was a heavy blow for him because he was really in love with Sabrina. Howard said Malika must have been suspicious. Sam said she's very forgiving. He said that it shows you can forgive someone.
Howard said Sabrina lived in one room and Malika lived in Sam's room. Howard asked how this all happened. Sam said that he depended on both of them and fell in love with both. He said he was really in love with Sabrina and waited for her to turn 18. Howard said the sisters are very close. Sam said they were. Sam said he figured he had better tell someone before someone else tells her.
Howard said Sam was living with both and only one of the women knew he was sleeping with the other. Sam said that's correct. Robin said they though that the three of them were together. Sam said that's not easy to pull off. He said it didn't happen. Howard said he thought he had accomplished that already. Sam said that would have given away the other thing.
Howard said the reason Sam hasn't been heard from in a while is because he had some personal things to go through. Howard said Sam fell in love with two women and they are sisters. Howard said he had the perfect situation going on. Howard asked when he had sex. Sam said there are Hiltons and Hyatts out there. Sam said they would go to the hotel when the other was out. Howard said Sam makes Joe Piscopo look like an alter boy. Howard said Joe is engaged to his babysitter.
Sam told Howard more details about what was going on. He said that stuff just happened. Howard said it's good to hear his voice again.
Howard and Sam talked about how they're going to be in L.A. soon and they're going to crush Mark and Brian. Howard said he can't wait.
Howard said he can get into this story with Sam for like 4 hours. Sam said that Malika told him that Sabrina was seeing some other guy. Sam said he asked her about it and things kind of fell apart. He said he got that feeling that Sabrina was going to leave. He said he told Malika to tell Sabrina to take her keys and checkbook and get her out of there. Sam said he's not going to pay for her to live there if she's seeing some other guy. Sam said he was devastated. Sam said that she's with this stupid fuck. He cut himself off and apologized for cursing.
Sam said that Sabrina was good for him and she was helpful. He said she has traded down with this guy she's with now though. Sam said she moved out and he got her on the phone and asked why she betrayed him. She told him to figure it out. Sam said he now knows that her secret dream is to take her mom and brother to Hawaii. He said he took Malika, her mom and a couple of others to Hawaii. He left Sabrina behind and he hopes it drove her crazy. He said he hopes it pushed her over the edge.
Sam said that this was in the middle of May. He said that Malika didn't know that he had been with her yet. Sam said they were in Vegas and he was doing shows there. Howard said he must have been suspicious that he kicked Sabrina out of the house. Sam said that there were some other things going on that he'd rather not talk about on the air.
Sam said he knew that the Hawaiian vacation must have pushed Sabrina over the edge. He said he wasn't relaxing over there though. He said he decided to tell Malika about this while they were in Vegas. He said he told her that she can do whatever she wants but he does love her and he always did love her. He said that she told him that it took courage to tell her. Sam said that was shocking because he knows she can fly off the handle. Sam said his brother told him to get the guns out of the house.
Sam said that Malika called Sabrina after he told her about what went on. Sam said he has to be careful about the wording of this. He said Malika called Sabrina and asked if she wanted to tell her about the Hyatt. Sabrina slammed down the phone. Then the boyfriend called back and the guy is a real jerk. Howard said Sam is saying that but in all fairness this is the woman he loved and lost. Sam said he introduced her to so many people over the years. HE said that he could have backed it if it was a decent guy. Sam said this guy is such a loser. Howard said he can't say that.
Sam said the boyfriend called back so he took the call. Sam told the guy that he taught Sabrina how to have sex for the past year. he said he went into some graphic stuff and hoped that they had a wonderful morning. Howard said Sam did put a big investment into that relationship.
Howard asked Sam what would happen if Sabrina came back to him and said she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. Sam said it would never happen.
Robin asked what would happen if something happened with Sabrina and she really needed Sam and Malika. Sam said he's not sure. He said she is 20 years old now. He said she's been with him since she was 16. Sam said that's a long time. He said she's out experiencing other guys now. Sam said she was always in the back seat.
Sam said he feels much better now that he's not living a lie. Howard said Sam had a great thing going and not many guys could pull that off. Howard said you have to applaud the guy. Sam said he's not going to get any award for that. Sam said this has strengthened him. He said that he found that someone can still love you after doing that to them.
Howard asked if Sam is going to marry Malika. Sam said he can see that happening. Especially if he wants to have a son. Howard said Sam has agreed to get married on his TV show. Sam said he could do that like Tiny Tim did on the Tonight Show.
Howard said he heard Sam is going to be doing a TV show with FOX. Sam said that's true. HE said he's talking about doing at least 13 shows.
Robin asked if Sam got her message. Sam said he did but this has been a lot of heavy stuff to deal with. He said he has some family stuff going on too. He said he's back now. Howard said Robin wasn't sure if they were at war with him or not.
Howard asked Sam if it's difficult to have a choice of beds. Sam said it's torment. Howard said he knew that this was going on. He said it wasn't that big of a secret.
Howard told Sam to come down. Sam said he'll try to get in there if he can. He said he wants to hear this CD he has out. Howard said it'll be there for him. He said it's the Crucified by the FCC CD. Howard said Sam is a major part of that CD set too.
Howard said if he could just get that situation going. Robin said he would break under the pressure. Howard said they knew he was doing this for at least a year. Jackie said he thought it was understood and they all knew. Howard said he had no idea that Sam was doing one behind the other's back. Robin said she found out at Rascals when Sam told her that he really loved that one when he was talking about Sabrina.
Guess Who's The Jew Replay From August 1, 1991. 07/08/08. 8:00am
Up next was a replay of a Guess Who's The Jew from August 1, 1991 with Sam Kinison playing the game. This was the first time they played the game with a celebrity according to Tom Bergeron. This was not in my archives so here's a quick synopsis:
Howard had Fred come in as Kurt Waldheim Jr. spewing his anti-Semitic comments. He was also throwing out some other racial stuff that Howard told him he didn't agree with. Kurt thanked him for not being happy with his thoughts on the races and the Jews. Kurt introduced Michael Landon as a Jew and outed him.
Howard moved along and took some calls trying to find someone to play Guess Who's The Jew with them. He wasn't sure what he wanted to give away either. Gary told him that Sam Kinison was on the phone so they could play with him. Howard figured they wouldn't have to give him a prize either so that would work out since they didn't have anything good.
Howard picked up on Sam and played the game with him. They spent a couple of minutes talking before getting to the game. Howard asked Sam how long he's been sober. Sam told him that it's been two days. Sam and Howard talked about Stuttering John going out to hang out with Sam in California.
Howard eventually moved on to Guess Who's The Jew and had ''Kurt'' give a few names. Sam had to pick the Jew out of the list of names. The names were:
Legends Of Laughter - Sam Kinison. 02/20/08. 7:00am
In this segment Howard had Sam Kinison in the studio and Martha Quinn on the phone. Sam was rambling on and on about some stuff and told Howard he went out and did some stuff because he figured that Howard deserved to have him at his best. Howard figured he was drunk but Sam said he wasn't drunk. Howard said that he knew he was loaded but Robin said that he was just working on no sleep.
Howard told Sam that he had Martha Quinn on the phone and tried to take the call but she wasn't there when he picked up. Sam was going on and on rambling about all kinds of things. Howard said that he had some other guests coming in and Sam had to get himself under control by then. Sam said that they were treating him like Otis from Andy of Mayberry.
Howard said that he wanted to talk to Richard Simmons too but he also wanted to talk to Martha Quinn. Sam talked about how much he loves Richard Simmons. Howard got Martha on the ISDN line but she couldn't hear him so she was talking about calling him on the phone instead. Howard said he thought that Scott the Engineer had this all worked out. That led to him going off on Scott about that a little bit.
Howard picked up the phone and had Richard Simmons on the line for about 2 seconds. Richard hung up because he didn't expect to be going on the air according to Gary. Howard said that Sam seemed to be shot out of cannon this morning. He wanted him to go out and sober up before he talked to him anymore. Sam wasn't going to do that though so Howard asked him to just be quiet for a few minutes. He wanted to get Richard Simmons on the phone so they could straighten out their problems.
Howard called Richard at his hotel and managed to get him on the line. He told Richard he wanted to straighten things out with him and Sam. Howard was trying to talk to Richard but Sam was talking over him and yelling out all kinds of stuff. Howard eventually asked Richard about Gary and how much he likes him. Richard was saying that Howard doesn't treat Gary the right way there at work and he's not very happy about that.
Howard and Richard talked about what the problem was with Sam. Richard talked about something that Sam had said on an HBO special about him. He said that his mother saw it and she got very upset by it. He said that he wanted to just take it in a jovial way so he asked her to drop it. Then he said he went to his exercise class and one of his students was very upset because she had seen the special as well.
Richard ended up hanging up on Howard after he was saying some stuff that he didn't like. Sam went on to say that he didn't mean to upset Richard's 80 year old mother. That wasn't what he was going for. Howard talked to Sam about what was going on and asked to have some of whatever it was he was drinking.
Howard told Sam that he had to take a break and get to Carol Alt. He asked Sam if he would denounce Mark and Brian today. Sam said that he knew that was coming. Howard asked him who is the king of Los Angeles. Sam wouldn't say anything. Howard said he wasn't hearing anything from him. Sam said that he didn't like some of the stuff that Dice had done on the show about him so he didn't want to hear that crap.
After an edited out break Howard brought Carol Alt into the studio. Sam ended up sweet talking her a little bit. Howard said that the last time Carol was on the show they talked about how she may not be a supermodel, according to Fred. Carol said she almost didn't come back today because of that. Robin said she read that the term 'supermodel' was actually created for Carol. Fred said he didn't know about that.
Howard talked to Carol about what she was wearing and if she had any panties on. She said she wasn't going to answer that so she'll have a chance of coming back in the future. Howard said that she's always welcome to come back. Sam was trying to defend her and sweet talk her while that was going on.
Howard asked Fred why Carol is not a supermodel. Fred named some women who were supermodels but didn't say why Carol wasn't one. Howard said that there was an article in the paper about Carol and they called her a supermodel in that. Fred said it was probably her publicity people who put that out.
Sam ended up taking Carol's hand and told her what he thinks of her. Howard asked Sam to calm down and then told Carol that they were going to listen to her tape after the break and he'd let her know what he thinks of it. Sam was asking her what her sign was and things like that.
After an edited out break Howard came back and told Fred they had to play Carol's song. Sam told Carol that he had to do Letterman and Joan Rivers' shows today and he had time to stick around. He told her that she shouldn't rush out either. Carol said she had a lot of things to do today though. She wanted Howard to hear her songs so that's why she was there. Howard said that Sam had love in his eyes and he was trying to charm her in every way. He said that this was his penis talking today. Sam put the microphone down by his crotch and kept on talking. Howard said that Sam was like a bulldozer fueled by vodka.
Howard asked Carol if she could smell the liquor on Sam's breath. She said that she didn't want to say since he was sitting so close to her.
Howard asked Fred to give this song a chance. He was going to play it but Sam was still going nuts yelling and talking over them. Howard asked Carol what size bra she wears but she didn't know. She said that she's not much of a shopper, she has someone who buys that kind of stuff for her.
Howard played a song that was supposed to be Carol's but it was some awful cover of a song by some guy. He played another one that wasn't her's either. He eventually got to her song ''You Know You Want It'' and played a few seconds of it before he cut it off. Sam was giving her the high sign after hearing the first two lines of the song.
Howard played more of Carol's song and then called her over to his area so he could talk to her up close. He noticed that she was shaking from all of this. She said that she was and she was very nervous about it. She said that she'd give him a hug if he played the whole song. Howard said he wanted a kiss on the lips too but she wasn't so sure she wanted to do that. Howard said he had to take another break and he had more guests to bring in.
After an edited out break Howard talked to Carol about shopping and found out that some guy was trying to pick her up while she was out grocery shopping the other day. She said that it was the first time she had been out shopping without her husband. She also said that she had to call the cops to come out and chase away some fans that were coming up her driveway. Sam yelled out asking ''Was he a porch monkey?'' while Carol was telling that story. He ended up apologizing for saying that. Everyone was laughing at Sam and Sam was cracking himself up. Howard had turned off his microphone but he kept rolling and kept talking over everyone.
Wasted Week - Sam Kinison And David Brenner. 06/02/10. 9:10am
Next on Wasted Week was a segment from August 2, 1991 where Sam Kinison met David Brenner in studio. This was not in my archives so here's a quick rundown.
In the clip a drunk Sam Kinison was in studio and David Brenner showed up. Sam was kissing Brenner's ass and telling him how great he was. He was talking about what a legend he is and how he worships the guy.
Howard talked to Sam about Dice Clay a little bit too. Sam said that Dice is his Mark and Brian. Sam didn't understand why Howard likes Dice and went off on him about how little his movie made. He was rambling a bit and kept saying a name that Howard and Robin didn't recognize. It was Rudy Ray Moore. Sam and David knew who it was so they had to explain it to Howard and Robin.
Howard tried to move on with the news but Sam would interrupt constantly. David would get in on the stories and Sam would talk over him too. Howard had to turn the mics off for a little while so he and Robin could talk about some of the stories. When he turned the mics back on Sam would start rambling again.
Howard wanted to know how Sam was going to get sober for Letterman that night. Sam didn't seem to think it was going to be an issue. Sam was supposed to go on Joan Rivers too. He was supposed to be taping that afternoon. Sam said he'll be fine. He said he was there to impress David. He thinks that they would make a great double bill at a casino too. Sam said he'd open for David if he wanted.
Robin read some more news stories and Sam kept interrupting. David said he was learning a lot from Sam today. He had learned to have a plan and much more from Sam.
Robin read some news about Ted Kennedy and Sam kept saying that he was the ''Shemp of the Kennedy's.'' He said it over and over again. Sam told Howard he thinks that he gives him a courtesy laugh when he makes jokes like that. Howard said he's not like that. Sam kept telling the Shemp joke over and over even after that.
Sam kept interrupting Robin so Howard told him to let Robin finish her news and they'll talk more. Robin read some more stories but Sam wouldn't stop talking. Sam looked like he was going to puke on David. Sam said he was telling him an inside joke that only he and David would get.
Robin wrapped up and Howard spent a few more minutes with Sam and David. Howard gave David some plugs for some appearances he was making. Sam kept interrupting. Howard told David that the next time he comes in they'll discuss more with him.
Howard told David about the story Jessica Hahn told about Sam messing the floor in his hotel room one time. Sam didn't think that was so funny. Howard said he wanted to tell David the story. Sam was just going on and on about that story. David said he was so glad he came in there today. He said this is going to do for him what Pee Wee going to the theater did for his career.
Howard pointed out that Sam was having a few drinks while he was there this morning. Sam said he didn't think he had to say that on the air. Howard asked Sam how he's going to prepare to go on Joan Rivers' show. Sam didn't seem to think it would be a problem. David said he could never do that himself. Sam said the press coming from the show isn't going to be good if he keeps saying this. Howard said he isn't saying anything. He said he just said Sam had a few drinks.
Gary came in and told Howard that Meg Griffin is nowhere to be found. She's supposed to be coming in to do her air shift but he can't find her. Howard told Gary to go find her. He wanted to hear what she had to say about Sam.
Meg showed up so Howard asked Sam to be quiet. Howard said Meg has been upset with Sam in the past too. Howard said Meg is concerned with his image. Meg talked about what her problems with Sam are but Sam interrupted and said he knows she doesn't like him. Meg said he's degrading himself when he jokes about Rodney King and things like that. They ended up arguing about the Rodney King thing for a short time. Howard didn't think that was a racial thing but both Robin and Meg did.
Meg and Sam went back and forth about a bunch of subjects like the way Sam went off on Jessica Hahn and about the Rodney King thing. Sam said he wasn't too happy about what Howard said about his brother. Howard said this had nothing to do with him. Sam claims he has tape of Howard talking about his brother and he doesn't appreciate the way he did that.
Meg was feeling better about Sam after they talked some of that stuff out. Howard said he really had to get out of there. He couldn't leave though because Sam kept talking. Howard told Sam to put all of this behind him. Sam said he and Meg are getting along and he is kissing her ass. Howard said Sam still has to go do Joan Rivers today. Sam said Howard is going to screw things up for him if he keeps talking about him being drunk. Sam said he'll call in next week to tell him how it went on Letterman. They wrapped up and ended the show a short time later.
All Apologies - Sam Kinison Apologizes To Joan Rivers. 09/01/08. 8:50am
After the break we heard another of Sal the Stockbroker's apologies for his racist comments on The Wrap Up Show. Jon Hein then introduced a segment where Sam Kinison apologized to Joan Rivers from August 7, 1991. In the clip Sam called the show to explain why he didn't show up to do Joan Rivers' TV show. Howard had Joan on the phone as well so she could hear Sam's explanation.
Sam's explanation was that they had moved his call time two hours earlier than it was supposed to be. Joan said that they tape at that time every time. The two of them went band and forth kissing each other's asses but then Sam got upset that he was getting all of this bad press over the whole thing.
Howard also talked to Joan about her TV show and what a scum bag he thought Johnny Carson was. Sam and Joan continued to talk about their conflict as well. Sam was apologizing to Joan for not being there for her show. Joan seemed to be okay with it and accepted his apology.
Howard let Joan go after a while and spent a few more minutes with Sam. Sam was at his mother's house so Sam ended up putting her on the phone for a little while. Howard talked to Mrs. Kinison about what happened with her son and Joan and told her that everything was worked out. Howard wrapped up with Sam a short time later.
Sam Kinison Visits. 09/30/1991. 8:20am
Sam Kinison showed up and brought in his girlfriend Malika with him. Sam also had the latest issue of Playboy with him which featured Latoya Jackson. Howard asked Malika if she would ever pose nude. She said she has but Sam shushed her and apparently didn't want her talking about it.
Sam said that he and Malika had sex the night before for four or five hours and he was amazed that he lasted that long. Howard sounded like he was amazed that he was able to last that long. Sam said that Malika is so good that he was able to come to completion about four or five times in that four to five hour period. Malika said she lost count and wasn't sure how many times it actually was.
Howard got a hold of a Miles Davis album so he played some of that. He and Sam were goofing around saying that it sounded kind of like gay porno music. Howard and Sam were doing their gay impressions and creating a gay porn scene.
Robin got into some more news stories but Sam told her that since he was there, her news was over. Robin kept going though and tried to get in a few stories. There was some mention of a yeast infection during the news so Howard and Sam were talking about that. Howard told Malika that if she has that problem, she should drink cranberry juice to take care of it.
Robin wrapped up her news so Howard got back to Sam and said that his manager was there with him. He said he'd never met him before. Sam said that the guy's name is Magid so Howard tried to figure out where that name came from. Sam said that it was actually Palestinian. Sam said that Magid was in Vietnam so Howard wanted to ask him about that. He said he had a lot to ask him and to ask Sam since they hadn't seen each other in a long time.
Howard and Sam talked about how close they came to being sent to Vietnam. Howard said he knew he wasn't going though. He had to go to break right after that.
More Sam Kinison. 09/30/1991. 8:35am
Howard came back after the break and tried talking to a drunken Sam Kinison who was saying that he knows where his ''bud is breaded'' instead of where his bread is buttered. Howard was doing a commercial for this fax machine that he was talking about earlier with Richard Simmons. Sam was also talking about how he heard Jessica Hahn call in recently when she said she misses him. He said he hopes they can put things behind them and move on. He said he misses her as well.
Howard talked about the last time Sam was there and didn't make it to Joan Rivers' show and David Letterman's show because of ''bad Chinese food.'' Howard told him he loves that excuse. Sam said his brother Bill came up with that excuse. Sam said that he had just overextended himself that day. Howard said that Pat Cooper thinks that he's making up excuses for Sam himself but that's not what he's doing. Sam said that he just made a bad judgment call, he didn't kill himself or anything that bad, he just missed a show.
Sam said that Joan is made at him for being the outlaw that he is so it doesn't make a lot of sense to him. Howard said that Sam was supposed to do Letterman that night as well so he asked what was up with that. Sam said that was a misunderstanding because he thought he had an extra 2 hours to get there. Sam said he spoke to Bob Morton over at Letterman's show and he told him they're fine.
Howard told Sam about shooting his TV show over the weekend and how he ended up showing his belly hanging over his belt. He said he's really got to lose another 10 pounds.
Howard said he thinks that David Letterman hates him but Sam doesn't think that's the case. Howard also asked him what he thinks about Mark and Brian now. Sam said that they are nothing and they didn't help him out with the Joan Rivers thing.
Howard and Sam talked about the whole Joan Rivers thing and how Howard was able to smooth things over with the two of them. Sam mentioned those two pussies Mark and Brian again so that led to them talking about how bad their TV show was doing in the ratings. Howard ended up playing some more Miles Davis music and went back into his gay impression while they were talking about this TV Show ''Rock'' that had some gay stuff in it. Howard had some fun with that for a couple of minutes.
Howard told Sam that his friend Doug (Bady) was on the show recently and told some great stories about Jerry Lewis. Sam said that guy has a great gig raising money for a disease that has no cure. They spent a short time on that and then Howard asked Sam about the TV show he was going to do for FOX. He was supposed to go in for a meeting but he ended up missing the meeting. Sam said he wasn't sure what the meeting was going to be like so he wasn't sure if he should bring a lawyer with him. They told him not to bring one so he figured that meant that he should bring one, but he didn't.
Howard spent some time talking to Malika about what it's like to live with Sam. While they were doing that Howard was playing some Miles Davis songs that all sounded alike to him. He and Sam got into some gay impressions again during that. Then Howard was playing the songs at the wrong speed on his record player and it didn't sound all that different to him. He was playing it at 33, 45 and 78 and it didn't make a big difference. He had to go to another commercial break after that.
Even More Sam Kinison. 09/30/1991. 9:00am
Howard came back from break and brought up Richie Sambora's solo album and how bad his music video was. Howard said it's not the right time to be walking away from that band. He was still pissed at them for screwing him over. Sam said that he was going to denounce them himself because he's on Howard's side in all of that.
Howard got back to Sam and Malika and asked them if they're going to get married. Sam said that they're going to eventually get married but they'll have to sneak away and do it instead of having a wedding. Sam figured that they'd leave someone out and they'd get pissed so they're just going to get married in Vegas. They almost did it but they had forgotten their IDs when they were out there last time.
Howard told Sam that he wants to have his bachelor party there and televise it. Sam said that he remembers Stephen Baldwin's bachelor party which was pretty nuts. Howard changed subjects again and got back to Sam and Malika's relationship. Sam had been cheating on Malika with her sister Sabrina so Howard said that every man fantasizes about stuff like that so it's not surprising that Sam was actually doing that. Malika said she knew Sam dreamed about that but she didn't know he was actually going to go through with it.
Malika said Sam came to her and told her about what was going on. Howard said he pictures Sam saying that he's going to go out to the video store and then goes out to his car, hops in and peels out as he's heading over to Sabrina's place. That led to Howard talking about the time he drove with Sam in his car and he was messing around with his 10 CD player while he was driving around. Howard said Sam was demonstrating how fast his car would go and was messing around with his CDs the whole time. He said Sam was probably even stirring his drink with his penis while doing all of that stuff. Howard also talked about how Sam had seen his billboard out on the Sunset Strip so he backed his car up to show him while they were in traffic.
Howard said that it must have been crazy for Sam to run out and get laid with Sabina while he was still with Malika. Malika said that he was never gone for very long so she must have been quick and not very good. Howard asked Robin what she thinks happened there. Robin thinks that Sabrina was cheating on Sam so he kicked her out. Howard asked Sam if that's what happened. Sam explained their relationship and how he had been with Malika for a year and a half before he did anything with Sabrina.
Sam said that he and Malika worked things out after they talked about what happened. Sam said that she's ended up with some loser now after meeting a bunch of rock stars. He said that's what really upset him, not the fact that she was seeing other guys. Howard said that maybe she's happy though. Sam said he wanted to see her do better than she's doing though. Malika was telling Sam that he was a bit of a scumbag himself for cheating on her. Sam thought that he was getting pretty beat up there by her going off on him like that.
Sam was saying that he and Malika had never really lived alone until they kicked Sabrina out. He said that they're really happy now. He said he was very nervous about telling Malika about what was going on but he knew he had to do it. Malika said that Sam was just thinking with the wrong head at the time. Howard told Sam that he must have had Schitzo-penia at the time. He said that Sabrina must have been caught in Sam's spell at the time.
Sam asked Howard to denounce Dice Clay like he denounced Mark and Brian earlier in the show. He thought that dice might be listening to the show and might use his material or something like that. Howard told Sam that he is the number one comedian in the country and he hurts him with those comments.
Howard got back to the Sabrina thing and talked to Malika about that. The affair went on for a year and a half so he kept bringing that up. Malika said she didn't understand why Sam was buying her jewelry and stuff. Sam told Howard how he sat Malika down at a bar one day and told her he had something to tell her. He was very nervous at the time so he had to have a few drinks before he told her what was going on.
Howard wanted to recreate the situation so he played some Miles Davis music. He had Fred playing some pouring drink sounds and stuff like that as well. Sam said he told Malika about how well she had treated him and then broke the news to her about cheating on her with Sabrina. Howard asked him if he was holding her hand because he was afraid that she was going to stab him. Sam said he was kind of worried and so was his brother. He said his brother Bill knew about what was going on and he was afraid for him.
Malika said she didn't want to destroy their relationship of being honest with each other so she didn't want to break up. She said she was hurt by the whole thing though. Sam said that she called Sabrina after that and had a discussion with her about what was going on.
Howard asked Sam if he thinks he can get away with more behavior like that after Malika forgave him for something like that. Sam said he realizes that he has a woman who really loves him and he wouldn't do that again. He said he made a promise to her and to himself not to do anything like that again so he won't. Howard said that this is a testament to love when two people can get over something like that. He also said that he wonders what Meg Griffin was thinking as she was hearing this stuff before her show.
Howard asked Sam and Malika how long it took for them to get back to having sex. Malika said she didn't remember but it may have been the next night. Sam said that they've had some wild sexual adventures so it wasn't surprising that they were back to having sex pretty quick.
Malika said that she wouldn't have had a big problem with Sam if he had cheated on her with another woman, as long as she wasn't family. That's the part that really hurt her. Howard asked Sam how many women Malika could bring home on one night. Malika said that they haven't really tried everything like that so there's still some chance of that happening sometime. Sam sounded pretty pleased about that news.
Howard asked Malika how she would pick up a chick in a bar or something. She said she wouldn't be all that blunt when he talks to a woman. Howard figured she'd just come right out and ask her to come home with them but she said she wouldn't do that.
Sam said that he was going to be doing a show at Jimmy's comedy club that night. That led to them talking about that club and some other comedians. Howard was still thinking about Malika bringing home chicks for Sam. He asked her if she would try to bring Joan Rivers home for him. She just laughed and said that he's horrible. Sam said he might do Joan if he had the chance.
Sam said that he'll be doing an all new show at Jimmy's tonight and he's sure that Dice will send in his writers to steal his latest material.
Howard and Sam got into the gay thing with the Miles Davis music again. Howard was saying that he and Sam got into a gay thing the night before after banging Malika a bunch of times. He was just joking around of course. He said he couldn't bang Malika in the same room with another man if he actually had that chance.
Howard told Sam he had done it again on the show today. He had revealed many things and he has unbelievable respect for him. He asked Robin if there was anything that they had missed in the news earlier. Robin said after Sam's stories, there was nothing she could come up with. Howard told Magid that he hopes he has fun with whatever he's doing.
Robin found a story about Roseanne Barr and Tom Arnold so she told the guys about that. That led to Howard and Sam going off on her for a short time. Howard said that she seems to be screaming out for attention. He also said that Tom Arnold was out saying that he's a second rate radio guy. Howard said that Tom has done nothing with his life other than marrying some fatso.
Robin found a few more stories to go through before they ended the show. She whipped through a bunch of quick stories before Howard did end the show. Howard ended up talking about Sammy Davis Jr. and his wife. He said that Sammy ended up with no money and he's amazed that his wife didn't know about that. Robin said that he owed the IRS $5 million when he died and left that behind for his wife. Howard said he thinks that Sammy may have been injecting tobacco into his ass to hurry his death along when the end was near because he knew he wouldn't be able to pay off that $5 million.