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Howard started off the morning belching and saying that was enough show for the day. He said that David Spade's new movie only made $7 million this weekend. It was number one at the box office but it still only made $7 million. Howard said he and Gary had bets with each other about how much it would make. Howard guessed $9 million and Gary got it right with $7 million. Howard asked Artie how bad his movie ''Dirty Work'' did at the box office. Artie said he thinks it was about $3.5 million on opening weekend. Howard said movies don't usually make more than their opening weekend. He said there have been a couple of movies like ''Crocodile Dundee'' and ''Rocky'' that have gotten better week to week but most drop off. Robin wondered if they'd be hearing from Spade today. Howard said ''Noooo'' and got ready to take a commercial break. Robin interrupted that and asked Howard if he's heard from John Stamos and his wife Rebecca Romijn-Stamos lately. Howard said he thinks they're done with him so he hasn't heard from them for a while. Artie wondered if that means Howard can break out the topless Polaroids of Rebecca to show everyone. Howard said he'll never show anyone those pictures, they're for his eyes only. Then he told Artie that he'd leave them to him in his will. He went to commercial shortly after that.
Howard said he did a bunch of working out over the weekend and ran 6 miles on Saturday. Then he was taking his shower after that and saw that he still has a bunch of belly fat. He said he thinks that people who have great stomach's must have started young. Robin seems to think it's genetic. She pointed out a bunch of people who have never worked out and have great bodies. Howard told her she's wrong though. He went on to say that he compares himself to a 25 year old and doesn't care if his peers are mostly in worse shape than he is.
Howard said he was in the gym after his workout when John Lennon's song ''Mind Games'' came on the air. He said that led to him thinking about how much John Lennon meant to him when he was growing up. He said that John Lennon meant the most to him when he was growing up. He said he thought about how horrible Mark David Chapman was for killing Lennon and how they should have killed him for what he did. He said it makes him sick that Mark David Chapman is still alive. He ended up playing ''Mind Games'' for a couple of minutes after that. He went off on Chapman after playing the song. He said they should release the guy so someone can shoot him in the head when he gets out of prison. Artie said there's a great album out called ''Lennon Legend: The Very Best of John Lennon'' which has all of Lennon's greatest hits on it. He and Howard spent a short time talking about some of his other songs for a couple of minutes.
Howard said a lot of people were asking him what he thought about President Bush's speech last night. Howard said he thought it was brilliant and it shut everyone up. He went on to talk about some of the stuff President Bush talked about in his speech and how tough this war against terror is going to be. Howard seems to think that we're being a little too nice over in the Middle East and we need to get a little more aggressive with them. Howard also talked about how ''nice'' everyone has to be these days and how ridiculous it is.
Howard took some calls and talked about a bunch of different things. One guy brought up Kari Wuhrer and how she's done a lot of B-rate movies but she appears naked in just about every one of them. Howard said she was on his show years ago and he fantasized about banging her in every position possible. He said he doesn't know how she looks these days but he used to see her in the studio and couldn't get her out of his mind. He told Robin he used to ''rub one out'' quite often to her image. He said he'd close his eyes and picture Kari as he was beating off. He said he'd always be behind her in his fantasy ramming her hard from behind. He said she just did it for him back then. He said he didn't like her personality much but she was so friggin hot that he really wanted her. The caller told Howard that she's pretty naked in ''Kate's Addiction'' and does a masturbation scene over her bikini. Artie told Howard that they need Mr. Skin (MrSkin.com) to tell them what movies she's naked in. Howard said he'd like to see how she looks today after 15 years of aging. Speaking of aging, Howard brought up Steven Tyler and Joe Perry who, he thinks, still look young. Robin said Heroin must preserve these guys or something.
Howard took another phone call from a guy who brought up President Bush and his thoughts on how he's really not a great president. Howard and the caller discussed some of the stuff that's going on with the war against terrorists but Howard got fed up with it pretty quick so he got the guy off the phone.
A caller asked Howard to get off the political stuff and get to some boobs and ass. Howard told the guy they have this chick Erin from ''For Love or Money'' coming in today so they'd get off all of the political crap and on to that. He took another call from a guy who had a name for Howard's ''Jenna Duan'' game. That's the game where Howard has names of people that are in the news that we know about but really shouldn't know about. The guy said he had Chris Henchy who is Brooke Shields' husband.
Howard quickly moved on to talk about more sex related stuff to get off the political stuff. Howard said they had a great picture in the New York Times Magazine over the weekend. There was a really hot chick in there and he thought that was even better than going to a strip club or something like that to get off. Artie said he'd bring the magazine in because he still has it at his home.
A listener called in and told Howard about a Kari Wuhrer movie called ''Lucious'' that's great. He said she shows ''everything but the deli counter'' in the movie. Howard told Gary to get that for him. Gary came in a couple of minutes later with the list of movies (IMDB.com list) Kari has been in. Howard read through some of them and didn't recognize many of them. There were a couple that he knew but there were a total of 48 or so. Howard wasn't able to find the movie that the caller brought up though. There was no ''Lucious'' in there. Howard said he didn't think that many of the movies had been in theaters. Howard had to take a break before bringing in Erin from ''For Love or Money.''
He was about to go to break when he took a call from Debbie Schlussel who had some info about John Stamos for Howard. She said that he asked her to say ''hi'' to Howard because she'd probably talk to him before he did. Howard said she complains about not being able to get on the show live so Howard told her that she's easier to control on the phone. He later told her that she could never get on a show like ''The View'' because she talks too much. He told her that she talks too much and doesn't listen to other people when she's talking. She got in a plug for her web site DebbieSchlussel.com before Howard got her off the line.
Howard took a call from a guy who had some more suggestions for Howard's uncensored E! show video release. Howard told the guy he got thousands of suggestions but he picked his own. He had Fred play a drum roll and announced that it will be called ''Howard Stern's Filthy, Dirty Tape'' and it will be out soon.
Erin Brody from the TV reality show ''For Love or Money'' came in to talk to Howard. When she came in Howard said she's a pretty hot looking chick. He said she wasn't wearing a bra so he asked her where she got the shirt. He said she didn't have a bra on and he could just about see her breasts. Erin told Howard that she had some nice boobs when she was younger but they went away for some reason as she got older. Howard guessed that she weighed about 125 pounds after finding out she was 5'9'' tall. He said that's the perfect weight for someone that height. He went on to ask her about the outfit she was wearing.
Howard said they weren't able to find much dirt on her when they researched her. She said there's really nothing out there. She's 31 years old so Howard told her that she might want to think about not getting any older. He then brought up this show ''For Love or Money'' and talked about what they do. He said they have a bunch of women who are competing to get this guy. They can either choose him or the $1 million bucks. Howard said the concept was pretty cool. He said in the first show, the guy was a strange guy and he was a mess. Howard said the show had some flaws as well. The million bucks they gave away was an annuity that was to be paid out over 40 years. Howard and Robin said that NBC should have been able to come up with the full million. The finale for the show is on NBC tonight at 9. Erin told Howard that they recap the show in the finale so he could catch up on what went on the rest of the season.
Howard said he feels that Erin is kind of cold and isn't into guys that much. She said everyone tells her that but she isn't that cold. Howard asked Erin how NBC found her to do this show. She said it was a fluke and she was the last girl cast for the show. Now she's gone two seasons with the show. Howard said her father was a famous football player as well. She said his name is John Brody and he played for the 49ers for a few years. They talked about that and some of her other life stories before taking some phone calls.
A phone caller asked Howard when these people who go on reality TV shows will realize that they won't have a job in the broadcasting field after the show. He said this girl's voice would keep her from doing radio and stuff like that. Howard thought about people who have gone on to do TV after being on reality TV shows. Howard said there really isn't anyone out there except maybe the people from ''American Idol'' who have gone on and actually made it. Another caller asked if she'd ever do ''Playboy'' magazine. She said she probably wouldn't do it even if she was offered a million bucks to do it. Howard told her she'd be great in there even if she is 31 years old. Howard asked her if she shaves her bush or leaves a landing strip down there. She hesitated but said that she shaves most of it. Howard told her to get crazy and shave it all off. Howard said he'd shave her if she was his girlfriend. Erin said that she thinks she met his girlfriend at a wedding one time and she was very nice.
Howard blew through a couple more phone calls after that. One guy asked her if she'd take her top off for Howard. Howard said she probably would do it so he asked her when she lost her virginity instead. She said she lost it at 17. She told Howard that it didn't feel good the first time. Robin said it's almost traumatic the first time a woman has sex. Howard brought up how he took the virginity of a girl even though he didn't want to because he knew that she'd remember him the rest of her life.
Howard asked Erin if she's ever been tied up by someone who she's dated. She said that's never happened. Howard asked her if she's been spanked. She said she couldn't answer that one so Howard assumed that she had. Erin said that she's never dated a black guy either. She said there was a contestant in the game who was black but he was only around for a couple of rounds. She said she liked the guy but he was much younger than she was.
A guy called in and complained about Erin's voice and said that the 49ers suck. He said he wanted to drive his car into a wall while he was listening to her talk. Jeff the Drunk called in as well and called her a ''little bitch.'' He asked her if she'd ever gone ''carpet munching.'' Howard told Jeff that she'd already said that she'd never been with a woman. He got him off the phone a few seconds later and started to wrap up the interview. He asked her a few more questions before taking a break. He tried to find out of she pleasures herself or if she has a vibrator. She told Howard that you're never alone on the show and they don't allow anyone to have sex. She said they have cameras on them all the time even when they sleep. Howard gave her another plug for the show ''For Love or Money 2'' which has it's finale tonight on NBC. He asked her if she thinks size is important when she dates a guy. She said it really doesn't matter to her. The guys didn't seem to believe that's true though. Howard went to commercial break shortly after that.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she'd like to have both Artie and Howard in bed with her. Howard played with the idea for a short time and asked her how hot she is. She said she's pretty hot but she'd like to play a game where she could try and win breast implants. Howard tried to find out just how good looking she really is. The woman said she loved Artie in the movie ''Old School'' but wished he had more lines. Howard said Artie was barely in it so how could anyone say they loved him in it? He got back to the caller and asked her how tall she was and how much she weighs. She said she's 5'2'' tall and weighs 110 pounds. Howard wasn't sure if that was a good height to weight ratio or not. Howard and Artie were still joking around about actually going ahead and banging this chick. Howard said he's not sure he'd be able to do it with this chick if someone else was in the room. A guy called in a short time later and told Howard that the ''woman'' on the phone sounded like a dude. Howard asked her if she was a dude and said she was a woman. She said she thinks that she's a good looking chick but Howard said he thinks she'll come in and end up looking like Joe Pesci or something like that. Another guy called in and said she sounds like a woman who's sitting in a trailer park with a pack of Marlboro's in her hand. Another guy suggested that she allow Howard and the guys to throw stuff at her if she's not good looking. She said Howard could do that but no one else. Howard put her on hold and said he'd check her out.
Howard took a call from a guy who brought up Jessica Lynch and how she's getting a million bucks for this book she's going to have written about her. Howard said that it is kind of hard to take because she was just part of the group of guys who were killed when they were ambushed over in Iraq. Howard said none of the guys who were part of the rescue or the families of the dead soldiers are going to get any money out of the deal.
Howard had the latest roast from Reverend Bob Levy (revboblevy.net). Levy roasted Rosie O'Donnell this time. He started off saying that he'd rather bang Chris O'Donnell than her. He also said that if she continues eating McDonalds food, she'll have to change her name to McO'Donnell. He suggested that she create a new TV show called ''Queer Eye for the French Fry.'' Check out Levy's web site revboblevy.net to hear it yourself.
Howard made an announcement for this new contraceptive that stops a woman's period from happening every month to having it 4 times a year. Howard said that was great news and had Fred playing all kinds fanfare music as he talked about it. It was called something like ''Season-al.''
A guy called in and brought up the diet that Robin used to lose her weight (The Master Cleanser) and said that she may have effected the availability of some of the ingredients. The guy said that he's no longer able to get the correct maple syrup and organic lemons that are required for the diet at his Stop and Shop grocery store. Howard and Robin spent a minute talking about that and how Robin was told that she leaves behind a lemon scent after she takes a bath because of the diet.
A listener called in and told Howard he saw a picture of Harrison Ford shaking hands with Roman Polansky in some magazine recently. Howard said Harrison Ford should not be shaking the hand of a pedophile rapist.
A young 16 year old girl called in and told Howard that she just recently lost her mother. Howard ended up giving away a Sony digital camera he had to give away. He told the girl that a lot of kids go crazy when they lose their parents. He warned her about doing anything crazy and said that she should call him if she's ever tempted to do anything crazy.
Howard asked Gary what else he did out there while he was in California. He said he did an appearance at a Sit and Sleep and about 50 people showed up. He said he went to a concert where The Presidents of the Unites States of America were playing. He got to introduce them so he got paid to go to that. Gary said that his wife wasn't upset that he flew out there because it was a big money making weekend. He also told Howard that he saw Helen Hunt on the flight out there and he finds something very sexy about her. Howard wrapped up that segment shortly after that comment.
Howard read an article about how they held a beauty pageant for women who have AIDS because they want to show that they still have life left in them. Howard said that Africa is a weird country and doesn't know why anyone would want to go over there to visit. Howard and the guys spent a little time talking about the strange creatures they have over there. Howard said living in Roosevelt, Long Island, is as close as he'd want to be to living in Africa.
Howard read an article about a handicapped guy who fell in his bathtub. He had a dog that was trained to help him but when the dog brought the phone over to him the phone was dead. It hadn't been charged. That led to Howard talking about his own dog for a minute.
Howard heard about a fight that happened at a NASCAR race over the weekend. He said one driver nudged another car into the wall and the two of them ended up going after each other. Howard thought the funniest thing was that one of the drivers, Ricky Rudd, used the term ''Dag Gum'' when he was talking about the race. Scott the Engineer came in and told Howard about what he saw during the race. Howard said if he knew the drivers were going to get into fights, he might have watched.
Howard brought up the story about a person who was killed at Disneyland on a ride called Thunder Mountain over the weekend. Howard said if you want to kill yourself, why not just have unprotected sex with a bunch of women. At least you'd feel good after doing it. He had to take a break a short time after that.
Howard had Chaunce Hayden (ChaunceHayden.com) on the phone who brought up a story about Colin having sex with a 65 year old woman when he was only 25. Howard said he heard parts of the story so he had Colin fill him in on the details. Colin said this woman came up to him while he was walking down the street and offered to give him oral sex. He said it was really wrong but he decided to go for it anyway. He said that he walked her back to her ''awful, sad'' apartment and there were a bunch of stockings hanging in her bathroom. Colin said he was a little heavy in the gut so when he took off his shirt, she said ''Wow, you're a big one, aren't you.'' He said he let her give him a little oral but he couldn't keep it up for long. He said it felt like a wet dog as she was doing it to him though. Colin said when he left he felt a little guilty about the whole thing.
Colin told some other stories about some strange experiences he's had. Chaunce brought up one story about a casting couch story Colin had. Colin told Howard about this guy who came on to him when he was about 19 or 20 years old when he auditioned for a part. He said he was invited to the guy's house to read some lines and stuff like that. He said he was acting horribly at this guy's apartment and when he looked over at the guy he saw the guy whacking off in the corner. He said he ran out but felt like beating the guy up.
Colin was recently asked to go to a party for Robert De Niro and do some comedy. He ended up bombing at the party though. Colin said he walked in an roasted De Niro in this restaurant and no one even knew who he was. He said it was horrible and he flopped really bad. It was his childhood dream to meet De Niro and it went horribly wrong. He said he made some jokes about De Niro's friends Harvey Keitel and Christopher Walken but the jokes didn't go over very well. Colin said after the party Robin Williams came up to him and laughed saying that he could feel how bad it was when he was doing it. Colin thought he was going to kill but it just didn't happen for him. He told Howard that the staff looked at him like he'd ruined their tips for the night by bombing so bad. De Niro told him he was funny even when he wasn't getting laughs though.
Howard got Chaunce off the phone a short time after Colin's stories. He moved on to plug Colin's show a couple more times. Howard said that his show airs at 11:30pm on Comedy Central each weeknight and it re airs the next night at 7:30pm. Colin said he had to get going by 10am because he had to go look for office space because they're being kicked out in two weeks. Howard thought it was kind of ridiculous that he was leaving to go visit a realtor but he had to do what he had to do. Howard was going to have Robin start her news but Colin was still hanging around. Colin thought Howard was going to take a break and that's when he'd leave. Howard wasn't going to take one but Fred told him it was time so that's what they did.
Howard started off the show belching up a storm after gulping down his breakfast. He said he had a lot to get to but he had to get to. He first talked about Warren Zevon's ''Werewolves of London'' song and said people were wondering what it's about. He said it's about the guys in bars over in London picking up women. He and the guys talked about that and Artie sang a little bit of it before Howard played the song. Fred said that he thought it was about real werewolves but Howard was saying it was just about guys going to singles bars. He read that in an article from a rock critic's column so he was taking his word over Fred's. Howard said he really didn't care either way after listening to the song. The guys spent a little while talking about Warren Zevon before moving on to other stuff.
Howard said he had a lot of TV to watch yesterday. He said the new Ellen Degeneres talk show started and it just wasn't good. He said it was ''unbelievably bad.'' He said he doesn't know who produces the show because the show is a complete mess. He explained how long her monolog went on and how bad her interview was with Jennifer Aniston. Howard said the sound was bad, she was too far from the camera and even her wardrobe was bad. He said she's uncomfortable on camera and looks like she just smelled bad fish with the look on her face that she has. He told Robin that he tuned in kind of hoping that she'd make it with this show but it was just horrible. Robin said she doesn't think that she appeals to women at all. Howard defied Robin to sit through her monolog. He had Gary bring in the tape of the show he brought in so he could play it for her. He started the tape and described what was going on when she got up on camera. She was doing some lame jokes and saying a lot of ''and, uh'' comments in her monolog. He said she just went on and on and on with that stuff. Ellen also talks to her DJ, Scotty. Howard couldn't take that for long and bailed out on the monolog. He moved on to some of the other lame bits they did on the show. He said he couldn't play more than he did because it was horrible. He said the Jennifer Aniston interview was ''brutal.'' He had to stop the tape again and said that's how he pictures Hell.
Howard also brought up this Orlando Jones show and how bad that was. He said Bernie Mac was a guest and Orlando was trying to be funny at one point when he mentioned something about punching a woman in the face. Howard said Bernie looked at him like he didn't want to go down that road. Howard and Artie discussed how many different TV talk shows there are out there and how bad they all are. Howard got back to Ellen again and listened to her horrible comedy bits. Howard said she should be in some comedy club somewhere doing her comedy for the 25 people who get her comedy. He said he met her one time and doesn't care that she's gay. He just thinks her comedy is horrible. He said he yearns for Arsenio. While Howard was playing the horrible comedy bits he jokingly said he started to cut himself as he watched it because it was so bad.
A listener called in and asked Howard why he changed formats of his old E! show where he did one on one interviews. Howard explained to the guy that it made more sense for him to stay in New York to do his radio show rather than flying out to California once in a while to do the one on ones. He also said that he has a personal life and didn't want to be flying across the country all the time. Howard had to take a break a short time after that call.
Howard said that KC is a single guy again after breaking up with his girlfriend. Howard said KC was telling him how he couldn't give this woman what she needed right now so he broke up with her. Howard said he probably just wanted to be a single guy again. He asked KC how he's going to feel when she's banging some other dude. KC said he hopes she finds someone that can give her what she needs. Howard seemed to think that KC was coming out of the closet. KC said that wasn't the case and he didn't just want to be a single man again. Howard told KC he should get those guys from ''Queer Eye for the Straight Guy'' to date. KC joked that he missed out on that when they were there to do Artie's make over.
Howard brought up ''Temptation Island 3'' and told Robin it's great. He said that he'd given up on reality TV until this one came back. He said FOX put together a good show. He spent a minute on that before getting to some e-mail.
Howard read an e-mail about Kari Wuhrer. One guy said that Dave Grohl of the Foo Fighters dated her at one point. The guy also said that 48 movies for a 36 year old woman is pretty good as well. Another e-mailer asked Howard to play a song parody about KC that they played yesterday. Howard had Fred play it and when it was over, Artie said they should play that for an hour in place of Ellen Degeneres' show. Another e-mailer wrote in about Erin from ''For Love or Money'' and how he and his friends knew her and she apparently told them that she doesn't like having sex because ''it's icky.'' Howard said he thinks that she may not have been completely honest with them when she was on yesterday.
Someone wrote in and explained what was up with the lemon shortage they talked about yesterday when a guy called in about Robin's diet. The guy said that there is a shortage and it has nothing to do with Robin's diet being so popular that the stores aren't carrying them.
Howard heard about a new sitcom called ''Rock Me Baby'' which stars Dan Cortez as ''Jimmy the Shock Jock'' who has a wife and kids which conflicts with what he does on the air. Sounds familiar huh? Howard said they named the wife Beth which is kind of weird. He said it's too bad they didn't hire a better actor for the part. He also joked that they were going to name the show ''Private Parts the TV Show'' instead of ''Rock Me Baby.'' He said the one saving grace is that the show won't last long on the air.
Howard said there's a high school in Florida that's trying to eliminate senior year in high school. They seem to think that it's pointless and would like to eliminate some of the senior milestones that they have. Artie said he flunked English and History in high school and then had to go to summer school to finish those classes up and he was even more disinterested in the classes then. He said his teacher told him to just sit in the back and shut up and she'd give him a D to get him out of there.
A caller told Howard he could have KC's girlfriend on dial-a-date. Howard said that would be pretty funny to hook her up with someone like rapper Mystikal or something like that. Howard put the guy on hold so he could play a game after the commercial break.
Attorney Dominic Barbara called in and asked Howard why he was being so hard on KC when he's trying to get help for his problems. Howard told him to get lost and hung up on him a short time later.
KC told Howard that High Pitch Erik lost his cat last night and he called in to tell him that he took the day off of work to mourn the loss of the cat. Howard goofed on him about that for a minute and then moved on to this game he had.
Howard got the guy he had on earlier to play this game. He had sound effects from the show and the caller had to guess where they came from. The first was Ted the Janitor saying ''Excellent!'' The caller didn't know what his first name was though. He knew he was a janitor but that was it. Howard gave him a couple of hints but he wasn't able to get it. Howard moved on to the second clip and that was Kirk Douglas saying ''What are you saying?'' The guy got that one so Howard gave him the $500 prize he had to give away.
Howard said that magician David Blaine was doing a stunt over in England where he was suspended upside down from a crane in a box and the young kids over there were throwing eggs at the box. Howard said he thought that was kind of funny.
Howard read that actor Tom Sizemore is in trouble again. He read an article about a woman who worked for him and made $75,000 a year just to wake him up and get him soft drinks when he asked for them. She's claiming that he once greeted her naked at his front door. Howard read some other stuff from the article and it sounds like her claims are pretty wild.
Howard read an article about Pamela Anderson in the paper. She claims that her first time having sex wasn't consensual and the guy flipped out after he raped her. She also claims that she was assaulted when she was a little older as well.
Howard said he's not sure whether to have this guy on the show. He wrote a book called ''Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others.'' Howard read some of the stuff from the book and it sounds kind of strange to him. There were statistics about what kind of stuff keeps men from marrying women. He read some of those and they were kind of surprising to him. The guy claims that women have a better chance of getting married if they don't do their boyfriend's chores. Howard thought that was kind of strange.
Howard read some more info about this new TV show ''Rock Me Baby'' and how similar it sounds to his career. He also read a review where they say it seems that they got their ideas from listening to Howard's show. Howard said he doesn't think the show will last long though.
Howard said they get a lot of voice mail there at the show but it all seems to come from this one guy they're now calling ''Hate Man.'' This is the guy who calls Robin all kinds of names and goes off on other ethnic groups. He went off on a couple of things this week. He yelled about Britney Spears a little bit and ends up screaming stuff at the end of his calls. Howard played call after call from this guy who is really creepy. Howard said the guy is fascinating and he'd like to get him on the show but he doesn't think that will ever happen. The guy called Robin an ''Amphibious nig*er'' in one of his calls. He was referring to the fact that Robin learned how to swim this summer. Howard said the guy never really has a punch line with his stuff, but it seems to work for him. In one of his calls, he kind of reveals a little bit about his life. He says that he used to ''work that parade'' when he was talking about the West Indian Day Parade. Howard figured he was a cop or something like that but Robin said he could have been a sanitation guy cleaning up after the parade. There were calls upon calls and no one else gets to call in because this guy leaves so many messages. He went off on the MTV awards and how there are so many ''dancin' niggas'' in the show.
Howard took a call from a woman who called in to talk about the drugs she takes to help out her depression. She said she has thoughts of killing people kind of like KC has talked about in the past. She has to take Zoloft to help her get over that stuff.
The wacky woman who called in earlier about the scam that Howard is creating against her called in again. She changed her name but Howard recognized her immediately. He said that she has problems and must be mentally ill. She claims that she saw Howard down in Key Biscaine, Florida one time but Howard told her he's never even been there. She was rambling a bit so Howard told her that she's mentally ill and needs to get some help. She eventually hung up after Howard tried to tell her she needs mental help.
Comedian Shuli (RenegadeComedy.com) called in and brought up an article he read about Harrison Ford hanging out with Roman Polansky in France. Howard went off on Ford about that and how he shouldn't be hanging around with a rapist. Shuli also mentioned how great Fred was in last night's ''Win Fred's Money'' on the E! show. That led to Howard asking Fred if he'd take the SATs to see how smart he is. Fred said he's no good at math questions so he probably wouldn't do well on that stuff. He's good at trivia and stuff but not math. This all led to Howard talking about how strange Fred is. Even Shuli was getting in on the goofing on Fred. Fred fought back and said that Shuli is one of the freakiest looking guys he's ever met.
Howard ended up complaining about how he invites people over to his place for parties and no one reciprocates. Artie said he'd invite Howard over to his place but he just hasn't gotten around to it. Gary got in on the conversation and said he'd do it as well. Scott DePace came in and told Howard that Artie doesn't like to have people over to his place because he doesn't like people using his bathroom and stuff. Howard said Artie is really weird because he won't pet a dog. He said that one time he was waving his hands over the dog almost like he was pretending to pet the dog. Artie said he was trying to get the dog to jump up and he loves dogs.
Stuttering John came in and said he had a strange conversation with Artie yesterday. He said that Artie told him he'd be happy to die by the age of 56. Artie said that wasn't exactly what he said. He claims that he told John that if he was offered a contract where he'd only live to 56, he'd consider signing it. Artie said he was talking to John about this as he was loaning him $50 because he forgot his wallet again.
Howard took a call from Harvey Leeds from Epic Records who said he wanted to thank Howard for all the things he's done for him over the years. He said he's tried to contact Howard about taking him out to dinner or something but Gary must be blocking the messages. Howard said that's exactly what Gary does. Howard said he has friends that he goes out with and he doesn't want to hang out with this guy. He said he's been hanging out with some new friends lately. He said he's been going out with his neighbors lately and he said he was about time he got some new friends.
While the guys were talking about going out to dinner and stuff they brought up Dead Air Dave who works as the censor for the show. Howard said the guy won't even look at him in the hallway anymore. Howard said the guy is a nice guy but he thinks he should move on and not stick to the job where he pushes the button on his show. Howard ended up going off on some of the stuff they hit the button on. Howard said the other day they hit the button on the term ''anal rape'' and he complained about it to Tom Chiusano. Tom came in a short time later and got goofed on by Howard and the guys. Howard was wondering when they're going to have this card game they've been talking about for a long time. Tom said they haven't scheduled it yet. Howard wondered who was going to be part of the game so they went through some of the people they'd have there. At one point Howard brought up Dominic Barbara and how he invited him to his son's wedding. Howard said he's about ready to kill himself after getting that invitation. He said he knows it would be weird because Dominic acts so strange around him.
Howard talked about the many changes that have been going on there at the station. Howard said he's been hearing a lot of rumors about some of the DJs who have been getting moved around and fired. Stuttering John said he heard that Cabbie's days are numbered there at the station but Tom said he wasn't aware of that. There were also rumors about Cane leaving the station and going to another station in the city. Howard asked for their current line up which is him, Julie Slater, Cane, Ben Harvey (Starting September 15th), Sluggo and Cabbie. Howard said he lives in the city and can't pick up the station in his apartment for some reason. He said he'd love to hear what they're doing but he can't even listen at home.
Howard brought up this gay high school that has started in the city. A bunch of people were protesting the gay high school and a lot of them were from out of town. Will from the back office went out to the protest and asked some questions. A lot of people brought their kids down with them. Will interviewed one 8 year old kid who was brought down there by his parents. The kid said he was there protesting ''fags'' and he doesn't like them because ''they spit in the face of God.'' His parents were coaching him the whole time because he couldn't come up with answers for all of the questions. Howard said the kid will probably grow up completely angry and may be forced to date women even if he likes dudes. Robin said that kid is the reason they need that gay high school. In another interview a 10 year old kid talks about why they're protesting the ''fags'' and how it's an abomination to do that stuff. He quoted the bible and said that it's an abomination to ''do that.'' Pretty intense stuff coming from a 10 year old kid.
Will also interviewed some of the older people there. They're even angrier than the kids he interviewed. One guy was complaining about the ''fags'' and how the country is ''...going to hell in a fag handbasket.'' He was quoting the bible as well and saying that fags are not ''gay'' because they're the most miserable people around.
Gary came in and said that Will told him that the 8 year old kid was holding up a sign showing a couple of gay guys having sex and saying how evil it was. All Howard could say after listening to this stuff was ''Wow!''
Howard asked Belzer what happened to his hair. Belzer said he shaved his whole head in June and it's just growing back. Howard gave Belzer a couple of plugs for the stuff he's doing these days. He's on ''Law and Order SVU'' and will be the host of ''The National Lampoon Radio Hour'' starting in October. He said they'll be syndicating the show around the country. Howard thought that sounded kind of cool because they did some classic stuff on that show years ago. Belzer also mentioned something about ''The Belzer Connection'' which is a 1/2 hour show about conspiracies that airs on the Sci-Fi channel tonight at 9 and 10:30pm.
Howard took some phone calls from some people who had some stuff to say about the French. Belzer defended the French and didn't want to talk about it anymore. That didn't stop the callers from going off on the French though. They continued to complain about them and how Belzer shouldn't be defending them. Howard and Belzer ended up talking about Belzer's gay experience during all of this. Belzer said that he didn't go all the way through the act though. He said he stopped the guy and told him he wasn't interested in doing that stuff.
There were a couple of people who defended the French along with Belzer but Howard didn't want to hear any of that stuff. He got back to the gay story that Belzer was telling. Belzer claims that he was sleeping when this guy went down on him but Howard seems to think that he was a little more willing than he's admitting.
Howard asked Belzer if there are any political figures out there who he actually likes. Belzer didn't seem to think that there are any living politicians that he likes. Howard said that Governor George Pataki is great and so was Mayor Giuliani. Belzer has an argument for everything Howard says though. Howard had to take a break after talking to him about that. Belzer stuck around to comment on Robin's news.
At one point during the news a woman called in and suggested that Robin straighten out her hair. Robin won't be doing that but it led to Howard saying that Stuttering John is convinced that Robin is using Botox to keep her skin looking so smooth. She's 51 years old and has very smooth skin which is pretty amazing to Howard. Robin said she isn't using that stuff though and she just has good skin. Richard Belzer said he's had some plastic surgery done. He said he had the bags under his eyes removed and explained to them how they do it by cutting your eye lid. He said they do that, remove the fat and sew it back up.
Howard said he woke up this morning and got a couple of e-mails with articles about how the FCC found that his show is considered a news program so he will be able to have Arnold Schwarzenegger on the show without worrying about equal time laws. Howard said that he got two separate articles about it and they both said that the FCC is on their side in the whole thing. He found it surprising that he had to find out via e-mail and not a phone call from someone. Howard said this is great because Tom wouldn't let them do an interview with Arnold for more than a minute and a half because they were worried about equal time laws. Howard said he called the station's lawyers down in Washington D.C. and asked them why they didn't file for an exemption. They thought it was funny and said they could have done that, but didn't.
Howard wondered why he didn't get a call from Tom Chiusano about the situation. He thought that was kind of weird. He said that he talked to Mel Karmazin about it and he gave him the go ahead to file for the exemption from the equal time laws.
Howard said he got the news from both Gary and their former intern Nick. Gary said he got the news from a producer at Good Morning America and forwarded it to Howard. Howard went on to read the article that appeared over the AP wire. The article said that the FCC found that Howard's show should be considered a news program. In 1984 they had a decision about the Donohue show in which they said that was a news program. Therefore, Howard's show should be considered a news program. The article also said that Jerry Springer's show should be considered a news program. Of course there are people who are upset about the fact that Howard's show was found to be a news program. One guy was quoted and said that Howard Stern is no Tim Russert.
Gary asked Howard if he thinks that they can do breast exams and show them on TV now that they're considered a ''news program.'' Howard said ''yes'' and this finding has opened up a whole new world of stuff for them. He still thought it was strange that no one from the station told them about the decision.
Another caller brought up something that Robin said in her news segment the other day. She made a comment about Firemen needing radios and the caller misunderstood what her point was. She told the guy what she was talking about when she was arguing with Richard Belzer about how we need to fight terrorism in other countries, not here on our own streets.
A woman called in to explain a comment that Hate Man made during his rants that Howard played on the show yesterday. She wanted to explain what he meant when he yelled out ''Parakeet Spics'' during one call. She was rambling about where she lived, how much she loves Robin and some other stuff so Howard had to bail out on her call.
A listener asked Howard if rapper Mystikal was coming in this morning. Howard said the guy canceled late yesterday so he won't be on the show today. Howard said he doesn't know what happened and he's kind of pissed about it because he was promoting the hell out of it. Howard said the guy was going to call in but Howard didn't want that. He wanted the guy in the studio. Gary came in and said that he was booked in a weird way and yesterday they were told that they weren't coming in about a month ago. Gary said they never got that message though.
Howard said he lost $3,000 in a bet he had. He said he had to explain it after taking the commercial break. He said the bet was a sure bet and he blew it. He took a break after bringing that up.
Howard moved on to talk about how he lost this $3,000 bet. He said he and Beth watched ''For Love or Money'' last season. She chose the money last season but they kept her on the show for a second season. Howard explained how he and Beth made a bet about whether or not the guy in the show was going to turn down the million dollar offer and take the girl. Beth said that guys are saps and he would turn down the money to take the girl. Howard said that Beth wanted to be him $1,000 on the outcome. He said they made the bet right near the end of the show and neither of them knew what was going to happen. Howard took the bet but he said that he knew that she wasn't going to pay him if she lost. Howard wanted her to put up something other than money, something that meant something to her. He said he wanted to be able to read her journal if she lost. Howard said she writes in this journal every day and he'd love to read it. He said there has to be all kinds of stuff in there about him that he'd love to read. Howard said Beth told him there was no way he was going to read that journal. Howard called the bet off but Beth really thought she could win. Howard upped the bet to $2,000 and said that she had to show him every page of her journal if she lost. Howard said she probably writes stuff about his smelly farts and stuff like that in the journal. He said she didn't want to do the $2,000 bet so Howard upped it to the $3,000. He said she turned red and almost started crying when she made the bet. Howard said she started explaining what she thinks of him and how there's nothing bad about him in her journals and stuff like that. Howard figured that there was no way he was going to lose this bet because any normal guy would take a million bucks over a woman.
Howard said he'd love to read about what Beth thinks about how good he is in bed and stuff like that. He thought about some of the stuff that could have been in that journal. He said they watched ''For Love or Money'' right up until the end. Robin said she was watching the show as well because it was riveting. The guy made it seem like he was going to take the money so Howard figured he was going to be reading Beth's journal. Then the guy turned down the money. Howard figured the guy had to be gay or something not taking the money. Howard said Beth started squealing and screaming because she won the bet. Howard said he doesn't care about the $3,000 and he wants to win the chance to read that journal. Howard said the guy must be rich or something to have turned down the money. Robin said Erin split her money with the guy at the end of the show so he ended up getting $500,000. Robin said she thought it was a million bucks though. Howard argued with Robin about that and said that he saw the check that was for $500,000 even after Erin said she was giving him a million. Howard wanted to bet Robin about who was right but he wanted Robin to get topless for 5 minutes if she lost. She didn't want any part of that bet though. Howard said that Beth told him he wasn't going to take the money but he made her take it because she won it. Howard said he went out to get his money and when he came back into the room, Beth was on the phone with her father telling him that she'd just won $3,000.
Double A called in and asked Howard if he ever worried that he'd find a mention about Beth wanting to bang Double A in her journal. Howard said it never even crossed his mind and he'd be willing to bet that there's no mention of Double A in the journal at all. He had to take a break a short time after that.
Howard brought up the good news about what the FCC revealed yesterday about his show. He said Tom came in and wasn't too thrilled that he wasn't notified by a phone call. He got an e-mail yesterday afternoon. But Howard didn't find out until this morning when he checked his e-mail. Howard wondered why Tom didn't call him when he found out at 4:30 in the afternoon. It wasn't like it was midnight or something like that. Howard had Tom come in so he could ask him why he didn't check his e-mail. If he'd done that, maybe they would have known about it sooner. Howard said if they found out early enough, they could have booked Arnold for today.
Tom came in and told Howard that the lawyers were able to argue the exemption with the FCC just like they did with the Oprah Winfrey show. Howard said he had to give them a little push to do that though. Tom told Howard that he didn't check his RIM Blackberry e-mail pager yesterday while he was out. He kind of changed the subject and asked Howard for a suggestion on a restaurant to go to this weekend with 6 people. Howard told him to check out Jo-Jos or Mercer Kitchen. He said that Nobu or Dos Caminos would be good choices as well. Tom said that he's not even going so Howard wondered why he was bothering him with that stuff.
Howard asked Tom why he didn't check his Blackberry yesterday afternoon. Tom said he doesn't check it at night usually so that's why he hadn't checked it. Tom told Howard that he was out with Glen Cohen from Foxtons realty last night for dinner. Howard told him he was lucky because he likes Glen Cohen.
Howard changed subjects and asked Tom why Cabbie wasn't on his new overnight shift last night. Tom told him that Cabbie had done the afternoon shift to make a special announcement so he didn't have to do the overnight shift. Howard continued to goof on Tom after that. Fred joined in on the fun and goofed on Tom a little bit about how his Blackberry and his Easy Pass (electronic toll payment device) talk to each other. Howard said he'd like to have one of those Blackberry devices but he couldn't tie it into his e-mail system because they use Lotus Notes.
Howard figured Tom must have been golfing yesterday after work so that's why he didn't check his e-mail. Tom said he hasn't played golf in over a month now. That led to the guys talking to Tom about how he's going on vacation to Italy soon. The guys continued to goof on Tom about that as well. Then they brought up the golf game Tom had against Stuttering John. John ended up winning the game even though John sucks at golf. Tom said John broke a rule in the game so he shouldn't have won. He explained how John moved some grass from the ball when it was in the rough at one point. John said Tom told him he could put the ball on a tee if he wanted to. Tom said he did that after John had moved the grass already. Howard said John was killing Tom because he beat him fair and square and he couldn't take it. Howard said he'd like to see them play a full 18 hole game instead of the short game they played where John beat Tom. John said he wouldn't want to play him again since he already beat him. John was rubbing it in even more when he talked about how bad Tom was that day. John was drunk and still beat him. John was laughing his ass off as he described how he tortured Tom that day. Howard was also laughing his ass off when he heard some of the stuff John did to Tom that day. He said John is such a low life doing some of the stuff he did. He seemed to find it all pretty funny.
About a year ago this woman Luana came on the show and told Howard she wanted to put Howard in her will. About a week ago she called in again and said she had Howard in the will and wanted to sign everything on the air. Howard said Gary told him that the will is kind of strange and it looks like something she made up herself. Luana came in and Howard guessed that she's a little older than she claims to be. She said that she's ''35 and holding'' so Howard figured she's a little older than that. Gary said the will she brought in is almost hand written and it doesn't list all of her assets in the will. Howard said that it's all going to be on camera and she's going to sign the thing on the air so it's all legitimate. Howard told luana that he's very honored that she's willing to give him all of her stuff when she passes away. She has a house and two businesses that she's leaving to him.
Howard asked Luana how much her house is worth. She said the last time she checked it was valued at $550,000. She has a business with Mary Kay that she's been doing for 19 years but Howard said that kind of goes away if she passes away. She told Howard that he could service her customers when she passes away. She said she has another business where she makes this thing called a Bondage Buddy. She said she's already had offers from people who want to take it over for $600,000. Howard sounded pretty impressed with all of that. He asked Gary to read the will to hear how it was worded. She says that if Howard passes away before she does, her friend gets everything instead. Howard said that's fine with him.
Howard thought it would be pretty cool to inherit all of that stuff but he wouldn't want to have to pay taxes on it. He suggested that she take out an insurance policy that would cover the taxes just in case she does pass away. Howard told her how that would work and that it's something to think about.
A listener called in and told Howard that this will gives Luana's friend a reason to kill him now. He said if Luana were to die, the friend would get nothing if Howard is alive. Howard said that's true and kind of creepy. He said he'd take his chances though. There was another person on the will as well. Howard suggested taking out both of the names in the will so he doesn't have to worry about being killed off by one of her friends. Another caller told Howard that Luana could go out and run up all kinds of bills and leave that for him to take care of. Howard said he only inherits the assets though. Howard was so turned on by the whole thing that he was rubbing himself under the console.
Robin asked Luana about how she got into this Bondage thing. She explained to her how she has some friends who are into bondage and needed some kind of soft restraints to use. She said the soft cuffs she makes are made out of satin and won't hurt. Luana said she has been tied up a couple of times but doesn't do it that often. Luana told Howard she hasn't gotten laid in about 2 years and 2 months. She said it's been fun not having sex because she still gets approached by guys and she can just turn them down.
Chaunce Hayden (ChaunceHayden.com) called in and said that if the will was written in her hand writing, then it is a legal document. A caller right after that asked Luana if she's ever had anal sex. She said she hasn't.
Howard wanted to have Luana sign all of this stuff so he could get that done. He was asking her about being married before as well. She said she's divorced but the guy was a nice guy. Howard also gave her a prize of a hug from him and a Sony digital camera. He then told her that she was going to play Russian Roulette before she left.
Luana asked Howard if she would like to have the Al Hirschfield painting of Howard that was done. Howard told her it was a gift from someone so she seemed to think it was fair not to get it. Howard joked that he was leaving that painting to her friend Penny. Luana also mentioned the Leroy Nieman painting they did years ago but Howard's not giving that one up either.
Luana signed the will and got her hug from Howard. Gary and Artie signed the will as witnesses while she did that. She was kissing Howard's chest while she was hugging him. The guys guessed that she would have done Howard right there if he wanted to do her. She said she would have done that if he wanted. Howard said that's a really nice thing she just did. Luana left shortly after that.
Howard said their old Program Director, Steve Kingston, just resigned from the radio station he went to work for a couple of months ago. He left Blink 102.7 after just a short time working there. Howard heard that Kingston is out of the radio business all together now.
Yesterday Howard played tape of Will going down to a protest at a gay high school in the city. He interviewed some of the people who were there and it was pretty strange. He interviewed a 10 year old and an 8 year old about why they were there. Here's what I wrote yesterday:
Howard Plays Tape Of Gay High School Protesters. 9/9/03. 9:15am
Howard brought up this gay high school that has started in the city. A bunch of people were protesting the gay high school and a lot of them were from out of town. Will from the back office went out to the protest and asked some questions. A lot of people brought their kids down with them. Will interviewed one 8 year old kid who was brought down there by his parents. The kid said he was there protesting ''fags'' and he doesn't like them because ''they spit in the face of God.'' His parents were coaching him the whole time because he couldn't come up with answers for all of the questions. Howard said the kid will probably grow up completely angry and may be forced to date women even if he likes dudes. Robin said that kid is the reason they need that gay high school. In another interview a 10 year old kid talks about why they're protesting the ''fags'' and how it's an abomination to do that stuff. He quoted the bible and said that it's an abomination to ''do that.'' Pretty intense stuff coming from a 10 year old kid.
Will also interviewed some of the older people there. They're even angrier than the kids he interviewed. One guy was complaining about the ''fags'' and how the country is ''...going to hell in a fag handbasket.'' He was quoting the bible as well and saying that fags are not ''gay'' because they're the most miserable people around.
Gary came in and said that Will told him that the 8 year old kid was holding up a sign showing a couple of gay guys having sex and saying how evil it was. All Howard could say after listening to this stuff was ''Wow!''
Howard sarcastically said those households must be a really fun place to live. He wondered how there can be so much hatred for gay people. KC came in and said that the guy who was rambling about the fags in those tapes has a web site where he claims that some of the things they do are punishable by death. Howard didn't want to give out the web site name though.
A listener called in and said that these high schools shouldn't be promoting being gay. Howard told the guy they're not promoting it, they're just protecting kids who are gay by having a school for them. The caller wondered why they don't have schools for fat people and other groups who get teased in school and stuff like that. Howard tried to argue with the guy but the guy wouldn't let him get a word in so he hung up on him. Howard said he has gay people in his family and any family who thinks they don't have any in their families are nuts.
Howard said he would have loved it if there was someone out there who saw what he was going through in high school and made up a new school for him. Artie wondered what category he would have been put in but Howard said there were no categories like that so there was no one to save him. Another caller said that he had a hard time in school because he was always the shortest kid there. Howard said that's a little different though. The guy said that being gay is much more accepted today but Howard asked him if he just heard the tape of the young kids talking about the ''fags'' and how much hatred there was in what they were saying.
Howard changed subjects and told Robin about the Democratic debates that he watched yesterday. He said there was a lot of yelling going on during the debates. He also talked about how direct Howard Dean is when he's asked a question.
Howard took some phone calls after that. One guy called in and brought up this hot chick that was in a movie Artie did. Artie talked about how hot Sophie Marceau was and how he had to sit like a foot from her in the dressing room while he was working on the movie. The same guy told Howard he didn't believe that he was beaten up as much as he claims he was when he was in high school. Howard flipped out after arguing with the guy for a minute and hung up on him. That led to Howard spending a couple more minutes talking about his days in high school and how much he really did get beaten up.
Howard said he has peed outside quite a bit lately. He said he even peed in his own driveway because he was too lazy to go inside. KC came in and said he peed out in the Lincoln Tunnel one time when there was a lot of traffic. He also told Howard that Stuttering John keeps a can by his bed and pees in that. John came in and said he had this sprite can there one night and tried to pee in it but it went all over the place. John said he had this big beer mug that he could go in a couple of times but he didn't have it there that night. John said he had to get up and get a towel to put on the bed after trying to pee in the can. Howard and Robin told John how gross he is doing all of that. Artie said that it's just a matter of time before he starts doing ''number 2'' in the bed. Howard figures the room must stink like urine but John said it really doesn't.
Gary said the new interns just started and were hit with one of John's stinky farts on their third day in today. John said one slipped out accidentally and he didn't mean to do it. Howard told John that he might want to cut down on the amount of food he eats because he seems to fart too much. Artie said he was over at John's house one time and John was farting in front of Nick DiPaolo's wife like it was nothing. Howard wondered if John ever thinks about not farting in front of a woman. John said he's married now and he doesn't think about that stuff.
John changed subjects and asked Robin if she has saddlebags after losing so much weight over the past year or so. Robin said her skin snaps back pretty well so the only problem she really has is on her stomach. Robin stood up and showed off her ass (still in her pants) and Howard noticed a little bit of camel toe when she stood up. He told her that was pretty sexy but couldn't believe that she was showing that. Robin told Stuttering John that she just has good skin and she's very lucky with that. Howard took a break after that.
Howard said Ralphie is going to be appearing up at the Mohegan Sun casino in Connecticut this weekend. Howard heard that Ralphie got his start in comedy when Sam Kinison helped him out. Ralphie said Sam gave him some advice about cursing the crowd out when he bombs. He did that one night but got booed instead of getting laughed at. Ralphie said he started crying on stage that night instead. Ralphie said Sam's brother came up to him later and told him that he'd set him up perfectly for the show so they asked him to do another show with them. Ralphie told Howard another story about Sam tipping a pizza guy with 3 bags of coke one night as well. Howard thought the story about crying on stage was great.
Howard said Ralphie is a pretty big guy, at 467 pounds, but he used to weigh 800! Ralphie said he had surgery on his stomach and managed to lose about 400 but he has to get some more work done to lose the rest of the weight. Ralphie said he was able to get around even at 800 pounds though. He said he doesn't have any major health problems yet so that's why he wants to lose more weight. He said he doesn't eat all that much food but his metabolism is really low and he just doesn't lose weight that fast. He said he eats healthy food and doesn't have high cholesterol or anything like that. He said he was in a car accident when he was 16 and broke a bunch of bones so he just sat around doing very little for a long time. That's when his weight shot up.
Howard said he heard that Ralphie is dating this hot chick too. Ralphie said she's a 10 and he was getting her before he was on the TV show ''Last Comic Standing.'' He said her name is Lahna Turner (LahnaTurner.com) and she mentions him in her stand-up act.
Ralphie told Howard that NBC treated him really well when he was on ''Last Comic Standing'' even though they edited the show to make it seem more competitive.
Howard asked Ralphie about the Conan O'Brien show and how he was told he wouldn't be allowed on his show because he's too fat. Ralphie said that's what the booker for Conan's show told him. He doesn't even know if that guy is still there but he doesn't care because he's been on so many other shows in late night. He mentioned Jimmy Kimmel's show and how he took a prat fall down the stairs one night to get the crowd going because the show had bombed before that.
Howard asked Ralphie about his use of ''Nigga'' in his act. Ralphie told him he says ''Nigg-a, not nig*er'' because that 'er' gets you in trouble. He and Howard spent a few minutes on that and then talked about some of the stuff Ralphie is up to. Ralphie said that he hasn't asked his girl to marry him yet because he wants to be able to commit to her and have kids but he doesn't want to do that while he's fat. He said you just can't have kids when you're that fat because you miss out on a lot of stuff.
Ralphie told Howard that he's going out to do some shows in Afghanistan later this month and he's looking forward to that. He said that all of this stuff surrounding ''Last Comic Standing'' has changed his life and he loves it. Howard took some calls about that and one woman said she can't believe that Dat Phan won. She said even her 10 year old daughter said that Dat Phan sucked. Ralphie said that Dat Phan doesn't have that much material and repeated a lot of his jokes. Ralphie said that he has enough material that he didn't have to repeat any of his jokes. A phone caller said the show made Ralphie look bad but Ralphie didn't think that was the case. Ralphie told Howard that he was up for a part in a movie where he was going to play the part of a fat guy who eats himself to death. He said they eventually told him he was too fat to play the part though so he flipped out on them. He said things are changing now and that probably won't happen anymore. Howard had to take a break after talking to Ralphie for a while. Ralphie stuck around through the news to comment on the stories Robin brought up.
Howard started off the morning talking about Gary's trip out to Chicago this coming weekend for the grand opening of the new Scores. Howard said a bunch of people are going with him. Artie is doing some shows in St. Louis and wants to drive to Chicago after the shows to go as well. Howard wonders why all of the guys just don't go to the one in Manhattan instead of going all the way out to Chicago. Gary came in and told Howard that Doug and Mike Gange from E! are going out there to cover the opening as well. He said he doesn't know exactly what they're covering though. He said they were supposed to have a camera crew out there to cover it but Mike and Doug volunteered to cover it and stay out there a couple of extra days as well. Howard told Artie that he would be about 3 hours from Chicago so it might be too far to drive. Ronnie the Limo Driver is leaving the show an hour early tomorrow so he can fly out there. He told Howard that he's not flying out early, he's just taking the flight that was booked for him. He also said that Lonnie from Scores had a secret opening there on Tuesday and when they opened it up to the public, there was a line around the block. Howard said he doesn't really want to go because he's got Scores right there in Manhattan. He said he doesn't think it's going to be all that different in Chicago. Artie told Howard he should do the show from there next week. Gary said that he's missing his son's first football game to do this appearance at Scores.
Howard talked about how crazy Ronnie gets when he goes to Scores. He said he yells and gets really drunk when he goes. Ronnie said when he's out in Chicago he'll be able to yell and drink as much as he wants this time. Will came in and said that when they were out in Vegas Ronnie would be complaining about his head hurting after a night of drinking. He also said that he would be back to drinking later that night. Ronnie said that Will drinks quite a bit and gets really angry when he does that. The guys heard that Will almost got beaten up when he was out drinking one night because he said the wrong thing to the wrong person. Gary said he's heard some things about Will getting drunk in the past and stealing stuff. He said he put a stop to that before Will started working for them though.
Will told a story about how he was on his death bed years ago and wrote a letter to Howard asking to talk to him. Howard actually called him and inspired him to keep going. Will said he'd already gotten out of the hospital by the time Howard called him though so he wasn't dying. Stuttering John came in and told Howard not to feel too bad for Will because he comes from a family with money. Will said his great, great grand father helped start Signa Insurance but the money has been so watered down that there's not all that much left. He said it helped pay for college but that's about it. Artie and the guys were goofing on John about how he's always got his nose in other people's business when it comes to money. Artie did an impression of John doing his voice and showing how he always looks over his shoulder before he tells people about other people's money. He had Howard laughing pretty hard as he did that. Howard said John really does like to know what people make.
Howard got back to Ronnie again and said he thinks that he's a partner in the club or something like that. Ronnie said that he's just going out as a consultant. That's what he tells his wife and she decided to ''let him go'' out there. Howard said that's what he hates about marriage... She has to ''let him go'' out there. Howard wondered what Ronnie would do if she didn't want to let him go out there. Ronnie got quiet pretty quick and didn't respond. Howard asked him what he would do if she did that to him. He basically said he'd still go. Howard said he couldn't be married again because he needs someone who won't stop him from doing anything he wants to do. He said if he were to marry Beth everything would change and he'd be stuck not doing things he wants to do. He also said that not being married allows him to just not be with Beth at any time. He said it's the same for her, she can bail out on the relationship if she wants to as well.
Stuttering John said that he was invited to go to the Playboy mansion and his wife asked him if he was going to go. She didn't tell him that he's not going or anything like that. Ronnie said he heard that John had a little get together and his dog took a crap out back so he snapped his fingers and told his wife to clean it up. John said he asked her to clean it up, he didn't tell her to. He also said that he'd just cleaned up like 12 doodies so he asked her to do one. The guys heard that John had gotten a trainer for his wife so she can get in shape. When he said that the trainer was from Bally's, Howard started to get kind of pissed that he was taking advantage of the show's relationship with sponsors. John said he wasn't even sure that was the case. He said he told his wife to get a trainer and he'd help pay for it. He also said if she ever needs a tummy tuck, he'd be willing to pay for it. Howard told John that if she gets a tummy tuck, she might have a big scar. John didn't seem to know that so it sounded like he was getting a little upset about that. He said he doesn't want any scars and told his wife that she can't get a C-section with their third child. Howard had to take a break after those wacky discussions.
Howard said they haven't been able to get Arnold Schwarzenegger's people on the phone since the FCC found that his show should be considered a news program. Howard said Oprah is getting the interview with him now instead. Howard said they could have been first if their lawyers and Tom Chiusano had been on the ball and filed for an exemption earlier. Howard had a few new promos that mentioned their new news program status that he played.
Howard said Governor Patacki will be calling in to talk about the second anniversary of 9/11. That led to Howard talking about what happened that day and how they weren't even sure what was going on at the time. Howard said they knew that it was terrorism after the second plane crash. Howard also brought up Osama bin Laden and how he's in the news again. Howard said he doesn't know that the new tape of him is actually even a new tape. He said he wants to believe that Osama is already dead. He said he already believes that because the tape that just came out has a voice over on it and it's not Osama talking about the Iraq war and stuff like that. Howard doesn't know why, if he is alive, we can't find him.
Howard said the big news today was the fact that Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck have called off their wedding. He seems to think that the reason they did that was because of their movie ''Gigli'' bombing. Howard knows Jennifer's sister Linda but she never talks about her sister when he's around her. KC came in and said that Howard had a bet on the wedding and if they don't get married by the end of this year, he doesn't win. He put up $100 and would have won $3,000 if they did get married. Howard read an article about the postponed wedding. He said some people think that it may be a ruse just to throw people off. Howard doesn't seem to think that's the case though. ''Ozzy'' chimed in and rambled a bit about marriage while Howard was talking about the article.
Howard got back to Osama bin Laden and whether or not he's dead or alive. Howard read some article about him and how the stock market plummeted after Osama threatened new attacks in this new tape. Howard said he doesn't know why we just don't start bombing the hell out of the Middle East until they stop this nonsense. He said he doesn't know why we're so afraid to do that.
Stuttering John came in and told Howard how Governor Patacki made parts of the West Side Highway look really nice after seeing what a mess it was. Patacki said he was driving by the area years ago when he was first elected Governor and wondered who owned the property. It turned out it was the NYC Department of Transportation so he had it cleaned up and turned into park areas.
Howard said that the 9/11 attacks changed his life and he's backing President Bush in his fight against terror. He said he knows it's going to be a long fight and he's backing him all the way. Howard thanked the Governor for calling in and let him get off the phone a short time later.
Howard spent a short time talking about how great Governor Patacki is after the horrible Governor Cuomo got out of office. Howard pointed out how the guy didn't do much for the state when he was in office and how much Patacki has done for them.
Crazy Cabbie called in and said a few things about the whole 9/11 thing. He told Howard he thinks that the bin Laden tape is fake and they definitely killed Saddam Hussein's sons. Howard interrupted that discussion to talk about what Cabbie's thoughts on the Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez wedding postponement. He said he read that Jennifer was going to get half of Ben's money if they split up and Ben didn't want any part of that. Cabbie also had some thoughts on their sister station Blink 102.7. He said he heard that the station is going to Lite music and all of the jocks over there are going to get fired. Howard spent a couple more minutes talking to Cabbie about that and then wrapped up the call. Cabbie didn't go quickly though because he had a lot of other things to say. He said some nice words about the people who were lost on 9/11.
Howard said they had a bunch of other things to get to this morning. He said they have a new game to play, Jeff Probst and a ''Stump the Booey'' game to play as well. Artie told Howard that he watched the E! show last night where they had the ''Asses Up'' guys getting tomatoes thrown at their asses. He said it was pretty insane when they were throwing the tomatoes and hitting the guy's asses. He said it was also weird that the guy's asses were barely covered up on E! with the bars. He said when a woman is topless on the show, they blur half the screen but when they show a guy's ass, it's hardly covered. Howard took a break a few minutes after that discussion.
Eric the Midget called in for the first time in a long time. He was hard to understand because he doesn't talk very loud. He switched phones and it was a lot better for Howard but the kid didn't have much to say. He told Howard his friends were wondering why he hadn't been on the show in a long time. He started to say some stuff about the recall election in California but Howard didn't seem to want to hear that stuff. Another caller told Howard to just get this guy off the air. Howard told Eric he had to move along but Eric wanted to ask the candidates in the recall election some questions. Howard told him to just call their offices if he had questions for them. Howard ended up talking about how he's just going to support Arnold Schwarzenegger in the election and he didn't care about anyone else in the election. Eric said he wanted to ask them about disability and stuff like that. He also told Howard that he is studying to be a restaurant manager so Howard told him that was great and he should stick to that. He said he likes Eric but he can't pick up every one of his phone calls.
Jeff brought up this movie that he wrote and directed and how it's going directly to DVD. It's called ''Finder's Fee'' and he made it for a million and a half dollars. He told Howard how he probably won't make any money from this movie but it may get him some attention and give him the chance to do another one.
Howard asked Jeff about the new season of ''Survivor'' and how that all works. Jeff said that they really only go on location for 6 weeks, twice a year. He said he makes a lot more money than he ever thought he would make doing something like that. He said he makes between 1 and 2 million dollars a year doing that show. Howard and Robin sounded pretty surprised at that. He has to give up some of that to his ex-wife though.
Robin noticed something on Jeff's arm so she asked him what that ''rope'' was. He said it was just a decorative thing he got in Panama. Gary came in a short time later and said that Jeff has to lay pretty low during off times when Survivor isn't shooting so he ends up turning down a lot of stuff. Kathy Griffin brought up some things when she was on recently about how these companies will pay you like $50,000 to plug their products when you do an appearance. Jeff said he got an offer from Purina to do that but he had to turn it down because he didn't think he could come up with a way to bring up the product during an interview.
Howard asked Jeff about the new season of ''Survivor'' which takes place in the Pearl Islands. Jeff told Howard that it gets better each season now so he doesn't have to starve himself like the survivors do. He said they stayed in a resort while the survivors were living out in the wild. Howard and Jeff also talked about the ''All-Star'' survivor series they're doing next year. Jeff said you'll be surprised at who returns to the show next year. Some won't be there because they were boring but there will be some good ones there.
Howard told Jeff that he's willing to do a Celebrity Survivor but it will cost them a million bucks just to get him on the show. That would be his salary. Then he'll go on the show and do whatever the rules say he has to do. The winner has to get $10 million in cash. Jeff asked Howard if he'd take $500,000 instead of a million. Howard said that was an insult and demanded $2 million. Jeff didn't seem to think Howard was serious about it though. Howard said he would do it for that amount of money. He also said that if they got Kathie Lee Gifford and people like that on there, it would be great. He also said J-Lo, the Queer Eye guys, Britney Spears, Vin Diesel and a few others would be good on the show. Jeff said he didn't see that happening at all.
Robin suggested a ''Friends'' Survivor where the whole cast of the show would do it. Jeff said they're not doing anything next year so they wouldn't be too busy to do it. Howard said they'd probably only be able to get Lisa Kudrow to do that show though.
Howard asked Jeff about the woman he's dating right now. He heard that she looks like one of the Survivor chicks, Jeri Manthey, but Jeff said that wasn't true. He said she's a great girl. He
Howard asked Jeff to clear up one other thing. He asked him if they charge the Survivors money to take memorabilia from the show with them. Jeff said that's kind of true. They usually auction that stuff off to make money for charity. He said they make a lot of money doing that stuff so they do charge for it. Artie said Stuttering John heard they've made like $7 million from selling those buffs from the show.
Stuttering John came in and said that Jeff was about to tell him something interesting out in the green room but he stopped himself when he realized who he was talking to. He knew that John would go right on the air with it. Jeff said he wasn't going to tell him after stopping himself because he didn't want it on the air. Gary came in a short time later and asked Howard if he was interested in finding out what one of the big surprises was for the new season. Howard said he didn't care but then asked Gary what it was. Jeff told Howard that they took the group of ''Survivors'' on a press cruise and when that was over, they told them that the show was on and made them jump off the boat. They don't have any extra clothes and some of the women don't even have panties. Jeff said there are some cute chicks on the show this season as well. Howard wrapped up the interview a short time after that. The new season of ''Survivor Pearl Islands'' starts next week on CBS.
Chaunce Hayden (ChaunceHayden.com) called in and said he doesn't ever watch that show but he was flipping through the channels and was amazed when he saw what was going on. He told Howard how hot Jolene Blalock is and how hot the show was. Howard said he had her on the show one time and after her segment she was showing him some of her modeling shots. He said she was half naked in a lot of the pictures. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking about that with Chaunce before wrapping up the call.
A woman called in and said she saw Howard's girlfriend Beth at Prada yesterday spending a lot of money and laughing as she did it. Howard said that she was probably spending the $3,000 she won from him when they bet on the outcome of ''For Love or Money'' the other night. Howard told the woman on the phone the story that he told yesterday. He thought for sure that he was going to win the chance to read all of Beth's journals but ended up losing three grand instead. Howard said Sal the Stockbroker made up a tape of an imaginary phone call that took place between Beth and her father. Howard played that and it was pretty funny. He had a woman playing Beth who was calling Howard a ''Jew Bastard'' and some other things as she spoke to her father, as played by Sal. The father said that they'd have Beth's book done by next summer and asked ''Beth'' what she was going to call it. She said ''Jew and Me'' and laughed as she said it.
Howard took a call from a guy who brought up the pictures of Britney Spears that are in the paper today. She's appearing in ''Rolling Stone'' magazine and she's looking really good. Artie said that picture is going to haunt him for days because she's so hot. Howard said he was aroused after looking at the picture. He said he just had sex last night and did it in a new position. He wouldn't say what the position was but a pretzel wouldn't be able to figure it out.
A listener called in and reminded Howard that it was that time, 8:46am, two years ago that the first plane hit the World Trade Center. Howard played a bit about Johnny Depp that they threw together after he made some negative comments about the country when he was overseas. He also played tape of Donald Rumsfeld being heckled at a speech he was making. Rumsfeld talked about how the people of Iraq have been liberated at one point. Howard said he didn't mention how they have tons of porn over there now that they're free. He said they have all kinds of teen rape porn and stuff like that now.
Gary came in and said they have the real names of super heroes and the player has to guess what super hero it belongs to. They gave some examples like:
Howard heard that their intern Keri was a super hero genius so he brought her in to talk to her. Howard had Gary give her a name so she could guess. Gary gave her the name Eel O'Brien. Keri said it was Plastic Man and got it right. Gary gave them another one, Tony Stark, and Howard guessed it was Iron Man and got it right. Gary gave them James Howlin AKA Logan. Howard guessed it was the Human Torch but it was actually Wolverine which Keri guessed correctly. Gary gave them John Jones and Keri said it was The Martian Manhunter... right again. Howard sounded pretty impressed with her knowledge of comic book heroes. Howard said she might be his soul mate. Gary gave them another one, Benjamin Grimm, and Howard got it right with The Thing. Keri was stumped when Gary gave her Arthur Curry. Howard din't know it either but it was Aqua Man. Carter Hall was next up and Keri didn't know that one either. Howard tried to figure it out but couldn't. It turned out to be Hawk Man. Keri said she's not into that character. Gary said he didn't know who Dick Grayson was but Howard and even Robin knew it was Robin of Bat Man and Robin.
Howard told Keri how hot she was and how turned on he was after hearing about her comic book collection. He asked her some questions about her comic books while he made a sound effect like he was whacking off. He was grunting and moaning as he grabbed his cheek and slapped it back and forth making it sound like he was spanking his monkey. Howard would ask her a question about a comic book character and when she'd know the answer, he's groan some more. He told her to stay away from him because he might not be able to control himself.
Howard said he went soft when he asked Keri about what red Kryptonite does to Superman. She wasn't sure so Howard said he went soft. He asked her some other questions and she knows quite a bit. They talked a lot about Superman and Bat Man during these discussions. Howard had to take another break shortly after that.
Howard also gave Billy Mira (HorseToothJackass.com) a plug for a some comedy shows he's doing at Caroline's on Broadway this weekend. Howard pretended Billy wasn't there playing Ozzy and just gave him the plug and then talked to ''Ozzy.''
Howard got back to the ''Stump the Booey'' game and said that the woman playing today was Susan. She claims that she's very good at the game when she plays along at home. Howard plays part of a song from the 80s. Gary and the contestant then have to write down the name of the song and the artist that performed it. If the contestant gets more correct than Gary after 5 songs, she wins. Here are the songs they had and who got them right and wrong:
During the news KC came in and said that Sal the Stockbroker was terrorizing Gary all morning. He brought in a hand buzzer and was buzzing Gary in the hand and if he wouldn't shake his hand, he'd buzz him in the head. KC said that he was also drawing pictures of Gary and shoving them in the suggestion box out in the hallway. Sal came in for a minute and said he's also appearing at Caroline's with Billy Mira this week with Beetlejuice, Jim Florentine and Bob Levy.
Howard said there was a lot to talk about this morning. He started off talking about how John Ritter died yesterday. Howard said he was only 53 years old but there were other reports that Robin read that said he was as old as 56. Howard also said that David Letterman is going to be a dad. He's 56 and his girlfriend is 41 years old. Howard heard that she's already like 6 months pregnant or something like that. Robin figured they were having someone else have their baby or something but that wasn't the case. Howard said there were a bunch of other things to talk about as well but they stuck to John Ritter for a short time. Howard said the last time he saw Ritter he looked a little heavy. He said he could have assumed that he must have gained weight and that caused his heart problems.
A short time later a listener called in and said that Johnny Cash also died. Howard said those are sad deaths because so many people loved Johnny Cash and John Ritter. The caller told Howard that now his show really is a news show now. Howard said there are some groups coming out against his show now that his name is in the news again about the FCC finding that his show really is a news program. Howard played a clip from a program where they were discussing how Abercrombe and Fitch have a ''Sex Ed'' edition of their catalog. Some guy from an American Decency group compared the catalog to Howard Stern. Howard goofed on the program and how the host yells everything.
Howard got back to John Ritter and Johnny Cash for a little while and said that Larry Hovis who played Carter in ''Hogan's Heroes'' also passed away recently. Howard said all of those guys were sad deaths. Then there was this Leni Riefenstahl who just died. He pointed out what a scumbag she was. He said she made movies about Adolf Hitler many years ago and claimed that she wasn't a Nazi. Howard said she made Hitler look like a great man in her movies which seemed to piss him off quite a bit. Howard said it's always great when a scumbag like that dies.
Howard said another guy died the other day, Edward Teller, the inventor of the H-Bomb. Howard said no one will hear about that guy dying though. He said that he was a great man and a real American.
Howard said he had tape from ''Good Day Live'' where host Dorothy Lucy breaks in during a 9/11 tribute to give the ''breaking news'' about Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez calling off their wedding. There was a guy talking about the people who died in the attacks on 9/11 when Dorothy Lucy broke in with the Ben and J-Lo news. They were very somber while talking about the 9/11 stuff when she broke in with the other sad news. Artie said she probably did that because she wasn't able to talk for a couple of minutes and he just had to break in.
Howard talked about how he jogged yesterday and now he has a major headache from it. He said it's just horrible and he doesn't know why everyone is out to run so fast when he goes out with his friends.
A listener called in and told Howard that John Ritter's father, Tex, died pretty young so it wasn't so surprising that John passed away. Howard found out that Tex Ritter died at 69 which wasn't so young. Howard also mentioned that John was on the set of his TV show which is really embarrassing.
Robin brought up the Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck wedding postponement. Howard went off on that for a short time and said that those two could have had a very small wedding with some close friends if they wanted to. He said you can go to certain places where they won't have cameras but those two were looking to get a lot of attention. They cooked up all of the media attention surrounding their wedding according to Howard and Robin. Howard said he believes that they're breaking up now because of their movie ''Gigli'' failing so miserably. He told everyone to get over it already. Robin said that J-Lo took advice from her psychic. Robin also said that even though J-Lo has been married a few times, she still wants to have a Catholic wedding. Howard and Robin talked about that for a couple of minutes and then went to commercial break.
Howard talked about how Chong got in trouble for selling pipes and bongs and stuff. He said he doesn't understand why people get in trouble for stuff like that in this country. He said it's absolutely outrageous that he's going to jail for almost a year when there are people like OJ Simpson, Osama bin Laden and so many other criminals out there. Howard said all Chong was doing was selling some bongs and pipes and now he's going to jail for 9 months. He said it's really ridiculous that we're wasting our time and effort on crap like this. Howard wondered why we're filling our jails with 65 year old washed up celebrities. He said that Tommy should be doing something other than selling bongs over the internet but give the guy a break.
Howard said he saw a picture of the kid they're using in the next Batman movie and he looks a little ''gay'' to him. Robin said Christian Bale is anything but gay looking. Howard wondered if they're going to have Nathan Lane as the next Batman. Artie pointed out that Bale was in ''American Psycho'' which was pretty good. Howard said they should get David Spade to play Robin in the movie. He also suggested Rosie O'Donnell as The Penguin.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Robin has gotten kind of annoying lately on the show. He said she talks over Howard quite a bit. Robin didn't think that was possible though.
Attorney Dominic Barbara called in so Howard ''thanked'' him for inviting him to his son's wedding. Howard said that the invitation was really gaudy and goofed on him about that. Dominic's phone was cutting out so Howard had to bail out on the call. He and Robin went on to talk about the invitation and how the wedding is going to be black tie. He wondered what country Dominic thinks he's living in. Howard said when Dominic gets involved in something like that you know he's going to spend too much money on it. Dominic called back a minute later and said that the reason Tommy Chong got in trouble was because he was selling the drug paraphernalia to other states. He said if he sold it locally, he would have been okay. Howard and Dominic talked about the ridiculous laws surrounding this stuff. Dominic's phone kept cutting out though so it was hard to follow. Dominic said that some of these laws are going to come about because of John Ashcroft.
Dominic was walking on the beach as he spoke to Howard. Howard told him to watch out for harpoons while he was out there. Howard eventually got fed up with Dominic's phone cutting out so he hung up on him again. He took a break right after that.
Gary was in so he and Howard talked about this one woman who Howard met, who will remain nameless, and how he could have banged her. He said all he did with her was make out with her. He said that this was a woman who used to bang a lot of guys but when he came around, she wanted him to work for it. He said he didn't want to do that. Howard said he told Gary about it because it brings him a little closer to the situation.
Howard said a lot of people are pushing for 9/11 to be made into a holiday for the country. Howard said he's all for a day off but he can see stores having ''Special 9/11 Sales'' and crap like that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he has two sisters who are willing to do an ''It's Just Wrong.'' Howard said that's the game that got Robin kicked out of a charity she used to be involved with. She told Howard that she was sick at the time the last ''It's Just Wrong'' happened and when she didn't get back to the charity about the complaints they were getting so they wrote her a letter thanking her for doing it and dropped her as a spokesperson. Robin said they were aware that there would be some controversy surrounding her being part of it. Howard said he has a grandfather who wants to do this stuff with his granddaughters as well. Howard said the one problem they have is trying to get money for the grand prize. Howard told the caller to set up the whole thing and they'd have them on when it was set up.
Artie said it really was funny how Howard called off the meeting now that he knows why he did it. Howard said everyone keeps notes on what they want to talk about until Thursday. Gary had a stack and he's the first person to get up. Gary said he was about a tenth of the way through his stuff before Howard cut him off. He said he told Gary to call him at 1 o'clock and he'd go over everything with him then.
Howard talked about how he can't stand when Benjy pitches stuff so they hold off until the end of the meeting for his stuff. Gary said Benjy can't really explain things that well and he brings stuff up that has been turned down in the past. Fred did an impression of Benjy doing a pitch that was pretty funny. He rambled on and on but didn't make a point. Artie said one time Benjy made a pitch where he would be challenged to lose 30 pounds in 30 days and if he didn't do it, he'd have to get anal from like 40 guys. Howard said now that they've heard that idea again, he's ready to do it. Howard said Benjy seems to be open to anal sex from guys so it is kind of strange. Benjy said he could probably lose that weight but it would still be a challenge. He asked Howard if he would take a challenge where he had to run a mile in a certain time and if he couldn't do it, he'd have to take anal from a guy. Howard said he wouldn't take that challenge no matter what. Howard said he wouldn't do it for even a million dollars. Benjy said he's willing to take that challenge with the weight loss. Howard pointed out that Benjy once kissed High Pitch Erik on the lips for a prize as well. Howard told Benjy that he'd have to lose 40 pounds in 30 days to do this challenge. Benjy said he didn't think he could do that and he'd have to see how much he weighs. Gary put him on a scale and weighed him in. He came in at 225 pounds so Gary told him he'd have to go down to 185. Gary asked Benjy if he'd be willing to just get anal for the $20,000 he could win from the weight loss challenge. Benjy said he doesn't think there's anything wrong with that but he wouldn't do it. Benjy kept telling Howard that he doesn't plan on losing this contest so he's not afraid of the anal sex stuff.
Howard asked Chanel if Vin ''finished'' the night they were in bed together. She said he did finish himself off but she may have helped him out a bit. Howard was joking that she ''helped'' him by giving him oral. He was sticking something in his mouth and talking like he had a penis in there. KC came in and said he heard that she also ''slobbed Jared Leto's knob'' but she denied that as well. She said she has seen his penis but didn't give him oral. She said she used her hand on him. Chanel said she doesn't sleep with a lot of people. Howard asked her how long it takes to work a guy over with her hand. She wasn't sure how long it takes. Howard said it if takes like 10 minutes, he'd be out of there.
Howard found out that Chanel had a girlfriend at one point in her life. She said when she was in high school she was into chicks. She said she's gotten oral from a girl and she's given oral to a girl as well. Howard said she's a ''carpet muncher'' but she didn't like that term. He asked her a little more about her high school years and what that was like. She said she had a couple of girls she was friends with and they'd all mess around. She said it was all very innocent stuff.
Chanel is appearing in the show ''Pieces of Ass'' this Saturday night at the China Club in New York City. Howard asked her what she talks about in her act. She said she talks about some of the fun experiences in her life. She said she hasn't really planned it out yet because she just flew in. She said she will probably talk about sleeping with other chicks in her act. Howard asked her to get a little more detailed about it. She told Howard how she'd go over to a friends house and have a show and tell type thing going on where they'd just mess around. She said she didn't start having sex with girls until just a few years ago. Howard tried to get more details about that after hearing her story. Howard told her that he wanted her to get more detailed so he could get some guys off in their cars.
Howard had Chanel describe the woman she had sex with so he could get a better idea of what she was like. He had her get into details about where they were and how they went back to her apartment. They ended up taking each other's clothes off and started touching each other. Howard said he tries to be very gentle when he's with a woman because he knows how rough guys can be. Chanel said that the other woman went down on her first. Howard was making sounds like he was beating off as she was telling the story. She didn't know what the sound was though. Howard wrapped up the story shortly after that and gave Chanel another plug for the ''Pieces of Ass'' show. He also said she has a bikini calendar out that you can get on her web site ChanelRyan.com. She said she's appearing at an FYE store in Manhattan today from 1 to 4 and the first 100 people there get an autographed bench warmer card. Howard said that any guy who collects baseball cards with hot chicks on them is never going to get a woman.
Gary came in and said that Chanel is actually married but it was kind of a goof and the guy won't grant her a divorce. She said it wasn't a planned marriage and they just went out to Vegas and got married. She said she hopes that the divorce will go through soon. Gary also said that she really did tell Will that she gave Vin Diesel oral and they even told her they were going to ask her about it before they booked her for the show. She was still denying ever having said that so Howard just let it go. He wrapped up the interview a short time after that.
Howard moved on to the big $25,000 BetOnSports.com football pool. They have Gary the Retard, Daniel Carver, Sanders the Chicken and Artie playing in the pool. The winner at the end of the season wins $25,000. Howard got Gary the Retard on the phone and Gary picked the Seattle Seahawks to win. Howard figures someone coached him and told him who to pick. Howard asked him how he picked out that team to win. Gary insisted that he picked the team himself so Howard had him pick another team from the paper. He picked the NY Yankees... Howard let him keep the Seahawks.
KKK guy Daniel Carver was next up. He's tied with Artie for the lead in the pool so far. Today Carver picked the Atlanta Falcons to win again. He said if they won last week, they should be able to win again this week. He said if it gets him $25,000, he wouldn't mind. Daniel said he'd put that money toward his retirement if he wins. Howard and Daniel spent a minute talking about that and how hard roofing is for a guy who's 53 years old. Howard told him he looks much older than 53. Daniel said that While they were talking to Daniel, Sanders the Chicken made his pick of the Denver Broncos. Howard let Daniel go after getting the chicken's pick. Will and Jason are the caretakers for the chicken and they get the money if it wins. Artie took the Green Bay Packers in this week's pick. The results so far are listed below:
After the picks Howard read some e-mail they've gotten lately. Someone wrote in about the guys who had tomatoes thrown at their asses. Some people were happy that Fred was whipping his tomatoes as hard as possible at those guys because they were so annoying. Some people thought Howard and the other guys weren't throwing hard enough. Some other people wrote in about the hot girl comic book intern they had on the show yesterday. A lot of guys think she's hot because she knows so much about super hero comic book characters. One guy hates that they talked about comic books on the air. Howard also got some angry e-mail about Kathy Griffen being on the show. Howard also straightened out the story about Beth being at Prada spending Howard's money. He said she wasn't there because she was out working the day the woman claimed she saw Beth there.
Robin asked Joe about another case where Joe allegedly had some underage girls in his room. Joe read some statements from the girl who is making this claim and she admitted she lied about her age. Howard asked Joe if he wanted to get out of the business after all of this stuff came on. Joe said he's really careful to make sure that these girls are of age before they get put on the tapes. Howard asked him if he diddled any of the girls that were up in his room. Joe said he couldn't comment on any specific things but eventually told Howard that he didn't.
Dominic Barbara called in and said there are laws down in Florida that basically say that it's up to the guy to make sure that a girl is telling the truth about her age. Dominic said that even if the girl lied about her age, showed him a phony ID and everything else, it's still up to him to make sure that she's not lying. Joe went on to read some of the statements that these girls made and they said that they were never asked to touch any of the employees of the Girls Gone Wild crew.
Howard wondered if he meets an underage girl at a bar where the drinking age is 21 and she has a drink, if he'd get in trouble for banging her because he assumed that she was 21. Dominic said he would get in trouble for doing something like that even though the bar served the underage girl. Dominic also told Joe that he's being charged because of all of the money he's made doing this stuff and they're trying to make an example out of him.
Chaunce Hayden (ChaunceHayden.com) called in and said he's a big fan of Joe's tapes and he's sorry he's going through all of this stuff. He said he had 5 quick items about Joe that he wanted to go through. He said that when Joe wins cases against these girls, he goes back and sues them for legal fees and wins those cases. Joe said that's absolutely true. Howard compared that to David Wells' case where he's suing a guy who sucker punched him in a bar one time.
Howard said he heard that Joe is dating Paris Hilton. Joe said he is seeing her. Artie joked that she was only 17 but Joe said she's actually 22 years old. Howard told him that was a nice piece of ass to get. Joe said that she was at a Mardi Gras party he had and they started hanging out after that. He said that she's a pretty smart girl and gets a bad rap in the news. Howard said he's never met Paris but he has met her sister Nikki. Howard asked Joe about hanging out with Paris and when he saw her last. Joe said it was just 2 days ago. Howard tried to get more details out of Joe but he didn't want to talk about it. Howard wondered what they talk about. Joe told Howard that when she's sober, she's very intelligent and he can carry on a nice conversation with her. Howard said the cool thing is that she has money and doesn't need his money. Joe said that sometimes they just sit down and watch TV together and sometimes it's Howard's E! show they watch together.
Robin asked Joe what happened between him and Snoop Dogg. Joe said Snoop wanted to change the format of the Girls Gone Wild thing and he didn't want to go that way. Joe said that Snoop wanted to go a little more ghetto by showing bullet wounds, stretch marks and other stuff like that in the videos. Joe said he's done some stuff with Mystikal and some other guys like Eminem. Joe said he's actually got a case against Eminem but he couldn't discuss the details of that.
A listener called in and claimed that the Girls Gone Wild people have a note on the commercials that says they keep charging people for tapes and don't end up sending more. The guy said he's been charged like 6 times but hasn't gotten more than a few tapes. Joe told him it sounds like a billing problem and he should call customer service about it. The guy said he did and the girl just blew him off.
Howard took a few more phone calls before wrapping up the segment. One guy asked Joe how Paris is at oral and stuff like that. Joe didn't want to answer because he was supposed to be heading out to Las Vegas to hang out with her and he didn't want to screw things up. Howard told Joe he thinks that he's going to get the death penalty with all of these problems he's having. There was another caller who said that the Girls Gone Wild people are going to have a lot of class action suits against them because they put you on a monthly billing plan that is nearly impossible to get off of. Joe defended his company and said that they are a big target for stuff like that so it's ridiculous. One guy said you can just send back your tapes if you don't like them and they'll give you your money back. That guy also told Howard that he won a trip to Vegas from the show one time and he hooked up with two chicks out there. He told Howard that story quickly before Howard ended the interview with Joe. Howard gave him a plug for the new ''Girls Gone Wild: Endless Spring Break'' video that's available now at GirlsGoneWild.com
Howard moved on to the game and had Mike play his game. Here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories: