|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
|Please help support MarksFriggin.com by using these sites:|
(Sirius, XM merch and more)
(Just about everything)
Playboy Cyber Club
Howard started the show talking about how Gary was about to play a clip of Cyndi Lauper messing up the National Anthem at a tennis match semi-final. Robin thought it was at the finals. Gary assured her it was the semi-finals. Robin said that the schedule was off so that's why she was confused.
Howard played the clip of Lauper screwing up the song. She got through a couple of lines and then messed up a line. Howard said that song is so difficult. He said ''so what'' to the screw up. Robin said she should know it. Howard said he's not sure he could sing it. He said the song is terrible. Robin said it's a poem that was set to music so it was never meant to be sung. Howard said his school sang ''Hot Pants'' by James Brown.
Robin claimed she sang the National Anthem in school but Howard didn't seem to believe it. Howard said she must be talking about the pledge of allegiance. Robin said they did that and sang this song too. Howard had her sing it. She did it but really quick and not to the music. Howard said maybe she did sing it if she knows it that well. She did know the song.
Howard sang some of the National Anthem himself since Fred had the music playing. Howard seemed to know it pretty well until the end. He forgot a few words.
Robin said she was upset that she wasn't able to remember the third verse. Howard said he should go out and sing. He said he'd start doing it Whitney Houston style if he actually went out and did it. He said he'd have to stay low if he wanted to do it right. Fred played the music over again and Howard tried to hit some high notes. It wasn't working.
Howard said that Serena Williams wigged out over the weekend. Howard said they always say that those girls are good looking and they're really not. Howard said he doesn't get why they say they're beautiful. He said they're not great beauties. Howard said one of them was in a magazine and she had a huge tuchas. He said she doesn't look good. Howard said no one has a problem talking about how he's not good looking. Robin said they aren't great beauties but it's not a fashion show.
Howard said he never gives people permission to put a clip of him on their TV show but people do it anyway. He said that Paul McCartney's people asked for a clip of him interviewing Paul so he gave permission. Howard said he thinks that they gave permission for a 9/11 special that they put together. He said he got up on stage and did the ass cheek cut out thing after saying he was classy. Howard said that was from 10 years ago. He said if he knew that's what it was he never would have let them air it. He said it was fine. He said Paul was back stage talking about how he was out of line with a Drew Barrymore line he said. Howard said he just went down there to help out and he was the buffoon there. Howard said he hates that. He wasn't even sure what the clip was. He said he thought his agent said it was an interview clip. He said he should always ask what it was for.
Howard said he saw Paul was going around signing autographs everywhere but he didn't even sign one for his daughter at the concert he and Robin were at. Howard said Paul has said that he has to say no to some things and that's what he's been doing lately. Howard said Ringo won't sign anything or even accept any mail. That led to them playing the clip of Ringo giving his ''Peace and Love'' speech about how he won't sign anything anymore.
Howard pointed out that McCartney signs autographs when he has a camera on him. He said he could disguise himself and walk around not signing autographs if he really wanted to.
Howard said if he's sitting around with Beth's family he'll know one piece of information and he'll use that to fake it. Howard said he will say ''Do you believe this?'' when something is going on in a game. He said he'll repeat that one piece of information just to fake it. Howard said he fakes being upset over a play or something too.
Howard said that he can fake it by just using a general comment. He said that he can fake talking about sports like guys who can't read can kind of fake that they can read. He said he knows very little but he knows a couple of minor things.
Howard said he brought up a story about Freddy DeCordova with Don Rickles and he screwed up that story so Rickles called him an idiot. Howard said he can fake the sports stuff pretty good though.
The caller said he has about as much interest in sports as Howard does. He said he didn't like Chris ''Mad Dog'' Russo. Howard said he got a lot of complaints about Chris. Howard said he thinks he's kind of fun. Howard read some of the email he got and there were a bunch of people who didn't want him on. Howard said he thought it was a good interview. Howard said he could have had him in and out of there in 10-15 minutes if he knew people were bumming out. Howard said he might have to make it smaller doses of the Mad Dog.
Howard said he was going to tell Chris he liked being with him but he didn't want to sound gay. Howard said he's not sure if Anderson Cooper is gay but he giggles in a strange way. He said he also didn't know that his mother was Gloria Vanderbilt. Robin said that was very well known. He had a brother that committed suicide too. Howard said he heard about her going on his show and talking about Anderson's brother who committed suicide. Howard said he didn't know about all of this.
Howard played the audio of Anderson Cooper laughing at a joke he made during a story about Gerard Depardieu. Anderson kept giggling and laughing at the line. He wasn't able to stop laughing. Howard and Robin got a few laughs out of that.
Howard said he was thinking about Regis and how he was going to be retiring. Howard said that he thought that he got fired and Regis told him that he didn't get fired. Howard said he was reading an article in USA Today and Regis is saying that he wants to get a new show and keep going. Howard said Regis is pitching how he wants to do more TV so he'd like to know if he was wrong or right about him being fired. Robin said that they said it was a negotiation thing. Howard said that means he's right. He said that he was fired. Howard said he didn't want to be out there spreading the wrong thing but it seemed to him he was fired.
Howard said he was washing up last night after masturbating to baby sitter porn. He said he was so disgusted with himself. He said he just cleaned up and put on the news. Howard said he had to act like an adult or a father of three daughters. Howard said he put on the news and he was so disgusted he wasn't able to get into it too deep. Howard said he had to have the TV on because he can't be alone and in quiet.
Howard said he put on E! and they had The Kardashians on. He said it was such a juxtaposition to put them on after the 9/11 stuff. Howard said the mother was sobbing to the daughters about her physical appearance. Howard said she's older and married to that Bruce Jenner who has done so much to his face. Howard said she was sobbing about that and he realized he went from devastation to this vapid woman. He said he realized that he'd rather watch that than the 9/11 coverage. Howard said this woman is a moron but he'd rather watch that. Howard said the Kardashians seme to make millions for doing nothing.
Howard said that the Kardashians aren't as bad as the Hiltons. He said he heard that Paris' show just got canceled. He said you really have to get into her life and pay attention to it all.
Howard said he beat off last night. He wasn't proud of it. Robin asked why Crosby Stills and Nash didn't start a song off like that. Howard said they could have done it. He made up his own lyrics to a song like that. He sang about beating off. Howard said that he saw this baby sitter porn that he watched last night. He said he's been watching this stuff for a long time now. He said there are maybe 40-50 clips and he's gone through them all. He said this one was particularly good. He said this woman has a good body but not a great face. He said she doesn't have huge titties either.
Howard said this girl shows up for a baby sitting job in a tied off top and a short skirt. He said that she's super skinny and he loves that. Howard said she's baby sitting and they don't have her meeting the parents or anything. She's already there. He said this other girl bursts into the house with her boyfriend and the girl says she's the sister of the kid she's babysitting for. Howard said the other girl gets the baby sitter naked and they pull off her skirt which is a rip away skirt. Howard said they get right into it and they find out that the baby sitter has a pierced clitoris. Howard said he could barely contain himself watching it. He said as soon as the girl pulled off her panties he was done. He said he is so heterosexual that he finishes that quick.
Howard said he can blow a load with just the girl taking her panties off. He said he sees a girl's leg he's just done. Howard said he might be the most heterosexual man in the country. Howard said he hears about guys who can last a long time with chicks and he thinks that they must be gay. Howard said if you're really into it then he figures you should finish fast.
Howard said he knew a guy who jerked of a bunch of times a day. Howard said he would come home and jerk off at lunch, then again at 3 and first thing in the morning. He'd do it a couple of other times during the day too. Howard said that guy is sick but this guy was really depraved. Howard said he was jerking off to pantyhose adds and stuff like that.
Howard said when he was a kid he would jerk off to a book that had a page with something a little erotic. Howard said he jerked off to Gilligan's Island too. He said he can jerk off to anything. He said he jerked off to a teacher's assistant. He said that he thought about this woman Mrs. Weinstock. He said he had this hot teaching assistant in 3rd grade and when he got old enough he would think about her and jerk off. Howard said she must have been right out of college.
Howard said he thought this would stop once he got older. Howard said that he is feeling older now. He said he gets out of a car and he moans. Robin said that she's heard about guys like that who make noise when they get out of a car. Howard said that's him. He said he feels like a young guy but he's not. He said that it's unbelievable the changes that happen. Robin said he does everything right. Howard said he's still rickety. He has to keep it together or he'll end up like Bubba. Howard said he's not sure what's going on with Bubba. He said he was supposed to call him over the weekend. Bubba never called. Howard said he's not sure he really wants to know what's going on there.
Howard said he knows that he shouldn't say anything if Bubba starts telling him about what's going on. He said that they may end up getting back together some day.
Howard said he thinks that Richard and Sal think that he's going to aim his meeting at them tomorrow. He said they're going to meet to talk about how to use their time better and they think it's aimed at them.
Howard said he doesn't want them to tell him in an email how hard they work. They can tell him that in the meeting. Howard said that they're so dopey they wasted time writing this letter instead of working on bits. Howard said he doesn't want to read letters about how hard they work.
Howard said that he wanted them to come in and read the letter to Robin. Howard asked who wants to read a letter like that. He said that no boss wants to read that. Howard said they must have written the letter while blowing each other. Howard told them to bring their letter in and read it to Robin. Gary said they were on their way.
Howard asked the guys how long it took them to write that letter. Sal said it was probably an hour. Richard said it was 20-30 minutes. Sal said they wrote it on Friday but Richard said they sent it yesterday. Howard asked Richard why he lies to him. Richard said that he didn't lie. He said that they sent it yesterday and they wrote it last week. Howard said he guarantees they put hours into the letter. He said it was the most boring horse shit that he's ever read. Howard said they don't have to tell him how hard they work.
Richard said they didn't want to keep him at the meeting so this was better. Howard said they're two idiots. Howard said he's guessing that it was Sal's idea. Sal said that it was mutual. Howard said it's not mutual. He said it's one of the two who came up with the idea.
Sal and Richard said that they did a phony phone call on Friday but Howard said they did it wrong. They recorded themselves too loud. Richard said that's the BlogTalkRadio feed and that's not their fault.
Howard asked what's wrong with them. Sal and Richard said they were upset about what Howard said last week about how they've slacked off. Howard said he's going to give them a kick in the ass tomorrow. Howard said they do a good job. Howard said that Benjy doesn't write him letters. He just takes it like a man. Benjy said ''yeah'' really quiet and Howard said he's like a beaten man back there.
Howard had the boys read the letter. Richard read the letter and they were talking about how hard they work for the show. Howard said he lost it after the first sentence and threw it away. Richard went on to say that the calls they do and how they can take a month to edit and get them done. Sal said that there are some that go that long and it takes a long time to do some of them.
Richard and Sal mentioned one bit they did that took a month. Howard said that he heard that and didn't like it. Howard said that if it takes a month and it's not going well them maybe they should bail out on it. Richard said that they have to give some of the shows time to get over their calls so they give them a few days.
Howard played this bit that they did where they called Tradio and pretended that they were getting their lines crossed. Howard said that you can make a major film in a month. He can't believe that this call took a month to make. In the call Richard calls in and starts giving the information for what he wanted to sell and then Sal's call comes through. Then the two calls were switching back and forth. Robin was laughing at the call. Howard didn't think it was all that great.
Howard played more of the call and they left in a lot of stuff that they didn't need to. Howard said that the host was flustered but not that funny. Howard said he wants to know why this took a month. He played more of the call and Richard called back again and gets back on the air and then it switches over between Richard and Sal again. The host didn't know what was going on. He said they were having some weird problems there. Howard said that this goes on for 3 minutes. It was too long for him. He let it play some more and Sal calls in and has the same problem with the line switching back and forth between him and Richard.
Robin was laughing pretty hard at that one. Howard said it was better than he thought but he wondered why it took so long. Richard said they had to figure out how to do the switching thing. Howard said that they're working on the technology.
Howard said all he said last week was that he wanted to check in with Sal and Richard because he hadn't heard from them in so long. Howard said they get upset when he passes on their calls. He said sometimes they're not up to the standards of the show. Howard said he heard Sal thought he was going to be fired. Howard said he doesn't fire anyone. He said he wasn't in the best mood last Thursday so that's why he was saying what he was saying.
Howard told Richard to read more of his letter. Richard read more of the letter and they were explaining why these calls take so long to get these calls made. Richard read about how hard they work to put out finalized product for the show. Howard got a laugh out of that line. Howard said his eyes glazed over when he started reading this. Howard said if they had taped the session where they were composing the letter would have been a better bit.
Richard read more of the letter and Fred played a Tradio host saying ''You're an idiot'' a few times. Howard said that they wasted all of this time writing this letter and he didn't even read it. Howard said that they didn't have to write this together. Richard said they're a team. Howard said that they're really not a team. They weren't hired as a team.
Richard read more of the letter and then said that they had about two pages of bits listed. He read through some of those bits and they explained how they edit Wolfie interviews and go through song parodies that are sent in and things like that.
Howard told Richard to stop reading the list. He said that they didn't have to name all of the stuff they do. He said that he didn't hire them because he thinks they're stupid and not funny. Howard said that they are funny and they do great work. He said he's never said they do shitty work. He said that they get upset if he turns down one bit. Sal said they want Howard to like all of what they do. Richard said they can edit down anything Howard thinks is too long too.
Howard said he'll play their newest call to honor them. He said Richard did another Nervous Mark call. He said that he calls into a religious show and Mark admits he has a masturbation addiction. Richard calls in and does that and the host of the show prays for Richard. Richard makes noise like he's masturbating while he's being prayed for. The hosts were trying to cast out the demons but Richard was saying he was jizzing everywhere. He said he couldn't stop pumping his penis. He asked for them to make Satan stop. They kept him on as Richard kept saying he was jerking off again. Richard said he wasn't able to keep his hand off his cock.
Howard said he told the boys that it was funny but the guy's reaction couldn't be heard. Howard said he tries to teach them something and then they write him letters. Howard said this is the stuff that takes them a month to do. Sal said this one didn't. Howard said that they need a different recording technique. Richard was louder than the radio show host's was.
Howard played more of the call and Richard was making all kinds of weird noises as he was cumming. Howard said he tries to teach the boys and they spend all of their time writing letters. Sal said that they get it. Howard said they don't need to write him letters. Howard said he'd rather that they record the sound properly. Howard said the call was a failed call.
Richard read the rest of his letter and they were explaining why these things take so long to produce. Howard said any other job would fire them. Sal said he doesn't think that any other person would write their boss a letter like that. Howard said they should just work on their bits and not write letters. He said he wants them to write a letter about how they shouldn't write letters. Howard said he gets so much email during the day and he deletes anything where people are asking him for something. Then he puts the important work email as a priority. Then he reads this letter that they wrote about how hard they work instead of reading about a new bit they produced.
Howard told Sal and Richard to get back to work. He told Benjy not to write him any letters either. Howard said that he loves those guys but whenever he tries to give them advice they go crazy.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he likes the bits he played today. Howard said they were good and he was going to play them today. He said they could have been funnier if they had recorded them better. Howard said that they go back in there in a funk thinking he's going to fire them. He said you can't even suggest anything to them. He said they think of all of their stuff as a Picasso. Howard said that the caller is missing the point. He said that Robin gets it though.
Howard took another call and the caller said that the call they just did was hilarious. Howard said he was going to air it. He said that the click over call wasn't going to air though. That took them over a month to create.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he had to turn his radio down because he damn near went off the road hearing it. Howard said that the guys are funny. He gets how hard they work. They don't need to write him letters about it. Howard said they're like crying little bitches and he can't even give them suggestions. Howard said he's not going to fire them. He said that he tries to give them advice and they freak out.
The caller told Howard he might need to use kid gloves with Richard because he is from Kansas after all. Howard said that he realizes that. Howard said when he got that letter he wondered what it was. He said that he wasn't sure if he should read it or not. He said he really has to take a break. They were running late.
Howard came back and asked Fred what song that was. Fred told him who it was. Howard mentioned that Lars Ulrich from Metallica will be coming in tomorrow. Howard said he heard that James Hetfield was going to be coming too. Gary said that he's busy. Howard said he would have liked to have seen both. Howard said that he was fine with just Lars but he'd prefer both. Howard said that he didn't get all freaky with the whole thing. Howard said Lars is more verbal anyway. Howard wondered what the guys are up to. Gary said they're playing Yankee stadium this week.
Howard said they have a new Newlyweird Game coming up this week. He said that he's going to be paired up with Fred. Gary and Jon and Sal and Richard will be some other couples. Howard said that they have to know about each other. Howard said he's going to lose. He doesn't know anything about Fred. Howard said he thinks that he has brown eyes. Fred has blue eyes. Howard said that they will be playing for listeners and if the listener gets them then they're screwed.
Howard said he might have to practice with Fred a little bit. He went over some stuff with him and Fred corrected him. Howard said that he lost him halfway through what he was saying. Howard said he doesn't think that he can win this game. Fred got all upset and said that this is a cyclical thing that he puts up with. He said they can just make shit up as they go along.
Howard said that he thinks that he got it right with the whole Fred thing. He wondered who was going to be judging. Robin was going to be the judge and Fred wasn't happy with that. JD is going to be hosting. Howard said that's going to be great. He said JD will be judging and hosting. He said this is going to be the best.
Fred was ready to quit the game already. He said he doesn't need the aggravation. Gary came in and said that Fred was making a good point. Gary said that Fred could give one answer that could be different from Howard's answer and it would be wrong. Fred went to two colleges. He went to Manchester Community and to Western Connecticut. Howard said that he wants Robin to be the judge. He doesn't care and doesn't give a shit. He said he knows nothing about Fred anyway.
JD came in and said that if he was a judge he'd say that if Fred gave two answers and Howard only gave one then he'd give it to him. Howard said that if Fred only gave one and he gave the other then he'd be wrong. Howard said he likes to hear JD giving his thoughts on this. JD was laughing and saying that he'd accept it if he gave something. Howard said if Fred said one and he said the other then he'd be wrong. JD said he's right. He said he had to leave. Howard said they have to have JD as the judge.
Robin said that the game is that Fred is supposed to think about what Howard's answer would be and answer the same way.
Gary said that he knows where Jon Hein went to college. It comes up often. Howard said that he only keeps important information in his head. Howard said he doesn't fill his head with that shit. Howard said he doesn't talk to anyone and he doesn't care.
Gary asked Howard if he knows how old Fred's daughter is. Howard said he has never even met her. Gary said he knows Jon's daughters ages and names. Howard said he wants to play with Fred so people will know how little he knows about him. He said he's not going to talk to him to find out about him. Howard said the reason he likes Fred is because he doesn't talk to him. He said he's one of his oldest and dearest friends. He likes him because he doesn't bother him.
Howard said he knows Fred is a good man. He doesn't need to know where he went to college. Howard asked Gary what Jon's favorite thing to eat is. Gary said he would say his favorite thing is hamburgers. Howard said they should have done this but he's just going to say that Fred likes hot dogs. He said that's based on something that he knew in 1981.
Howard said that he really doesn't know anything about Fred. He said that he's not sure how they're going to play the game. He said they might need two sets of questions. He said that they might have to do it twice and it's going to make it long. Gary said that it's going to be tough because they have other guys running the board and the sound effects.
Howard said that they could answer the questions ahead of time but then people might cheat. Howard said they'll just do it Newlywed style.
Howard said Imus went away after making some racist comments. He said they hired a black woman to be part of his show when he came back and this black woman disappeared and she hasn't even done an interview. He said it shows how little people care about that show. Howard said if that happened to him there would be article after article about it. Howard said no one even cared about Imus' show.
Gary said that when Imus came back they said that Bernard couldn't' be on the air and they hired that black woman. Now Bernard is back on the air and the black woman is gone.
Gary said that a lot of celebrities go on that show because not that many people listen. Gary said no one cares because no one is listening.
Howard said that Mel Gibson is now reportedly making a movie with Warner Brothers where he will direct. Howard read the article he saw and this movie is about this guy Judah Macabee. He said this guy is a known Anti-Semite and he can't imagine who came up with this idea. Howard said that Gibson is working on the movie with his own production company. Howard said they say Gibson may even play the part of Judah. Howard said he can't believe that Warner Brothers is going to back him on this. Howard said they claim that Warner Brothers wants him to direct. Howard said the head of Warner must be in a straight jacket this morning.
Howard read some details about the movie and said that Mel couldn't be anymore transparent. He said he heard he was in some movie where he was crazy. Robin said that movie was awful. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and talked about David Bowie wondering why he's not out on tour doing shows. Howard said he'd like to see him. Howard sang along with the song a little bit. Howard said he heard that he's gotten fat and doesn't want anyone seeing him. Howard said no one knows for sure since he's never out.
Howard said that this is his favorite song. He said that Fred should remember that for tomorrow. Howard said he doesn't know anything about Fred. He said that Gary guessed right earlier when he said Jon Hein's favorite food is hamburgers.
Fred and Howard shared some of their favorite things trying to come up with answers for the upcoming Newlyweird Game. Howard said he should stick to as simple of an answer as possible. Howard said his favorite color is blue no matter what. He told Gary to ask a Newlywed question so they can figure this out. Howard said the teams will be playing for contestants which will be fans of the show.
Howard said that they have the America's Biggest Whore contest coming up soon too. You can find out how to enter at SiriusXM.com/Howard.
Gary came in and asked Howard what Fred's favorite movie of all time is. Fred said he has two to write down. Howard told him he has to have one answer. Howard said he'll say ''Godfather.'' Gary said that's what his answer was. Fred said his actual one is ''Raging Bull'' but no one thinks of that one. Howard said Fred is thinking correctly. This is how they're going to win.
Tyra said that she had to prove that she was real because she was doing bra commercials and stuff. Howard said that he and Beth got to know Tyra off the air but people get sick of them and stop hanging out. Tyra said that Howard's house is insane and so nice. Howard asked Tyra if she's going to marry that guy John. Tyra said they've talked about it but they're not sure. Howard asked why they won't marry. She said that maybe they don't want to be married. Tyra said she's never been married before.
Howard said when he's with Tyra he gets the sense that she wants the guy to marry her. She said that they're not into the marriage thing. Howard said he thinks they are.
Tyra said that Howard's house is so amazing and she fired a decorator because she was so impressed with his. Howard said that he told her that her house wouldn't be done in a year either. Howard said he told her that it wouldn't be done. Tyra said it took 3 years to build.
Howard said she really looks good. Howard asked where she grew up. She said she grew up in L.A. She said that her mom never noticed that she looked like a model. She said that her mom would photograph women who were models and she never noticed her. Tyra said that she had someone else tell her she looked like a model.
Howard asked Tyra if she's ever had another woman. She said she hasn't. Tyra told Howard that she and her boyfriend thought that he was going to talk all kinds of crazy stuff when they visited his house. She said she had a secret sign for John so he could get her out of there if anything went wrong. She said it turned out to be a great time and they really love Howard and Beth.
Howard asked Tyra about getting into modeling when she was 15 and how she must have known she was good looking. Tyra said that model doesn't mean that you're beautiful. She said she had the high fashion model look and it was more of a quirky look. Howard said he remembers when she started and there weren't that many black models. Tyra said that the modeling agencies would tell her that they already had ''a black model'' so they didn't need another one. She said that she went to L.A. Models and it's because of them that she's where she is now. She said she started out on runway modeling because they told her she wasn't photogenic. Howard said that he wanted to see her feet but she said she has corns.
Howard asked what she weighed at 15. She said she was 5'10'' and about 110 pounds. She said she didn't have big boobs yet though. Howard asked how they put her to work. Tyra said she started out with runway and then started doing other stuff. She said she studied how to do it. She said she watched a lot of tape of women doing it. Howard asked if there is something to study there. Tyra said the secret for her was a lot of research. She said she went to Paris and didn't go to college. She said that she was accepted everywhere she applied for college but she didn't go.
Tyra told Howard that she was discovered and went to Paris instead of college. She said that her mom told her to follow her heart so that's what she did. Howard asked Tyra about going to Paris and if all of the photographers tries to fuck her. She said that did not happen to her. She was a virgin when she went to Paris at 17. Tyra said that the other girls were shocked that she was a virgin. She was there with Naomi Campbell and she didn't like her. Tyra said that she was just responding to what people were saying about her. Howard asked what she said to her.
Tyra told Howard that she was really brutal to her. She said that it was like that movie ''Showgirls'' but with modeling. Tyra said her life was a living hell for years. She said that Naomi eventually apologized to her.
Howard asked what kind of money she can make doing this. She said that some girls get paid $10,000 a show and they can do 5 shows a day. Howard said she must have been going berserk with that. Tyra said she was. Howard asked if she's ever taken drugs. She said she has never tried drugs. She said she tried a cigarette at 6 and that was it. She said she never did it again. Tyra said that at 12 she got two wine coolers with a friend and she didn't like it. She said her friend drank both and passed out beside her.
Howard said he read that Tyra said that it's important for women not to wear underwear so their vagina can get air. Tyra said she probably said that on her TV show. Howard asked if she sleeps nude. Tyra said she doesn't. Howard asked what she wears. Tyra wouldn't talk about what she and John do because John is a banker. Howard said he'll break her down. Howard asked if she's wearing panties today. Tyra wouldn't answer.
Howard asked Tyra about going to Paris and what that was like. She said she was living in a model's apartment. She was starting to make $10,000 a day. Her mother was managing her money. Tyra said her mom had to quit her job to manage her. Howard asked if she let guys feel her up and stuff. She said she did. Howard asked if she ever gave a guy a hand job. Tyra told him to stop it.
Howard said he understands that she's dignified and won't answer. Howard said girls want to know if Tyra believes in oral sex. Tyra said that back in her day oral came after intercourse. She said that she wouldn't kiss on the first date. Howard asked if she tongue kissed. She said that she tongue kissed a guy and she felt like it was the most disgusting thing. Howard said using the tongue isn't that cool. He said that guys have to watch that and not do it. It should be a subtle thing. Howard said you don't need that a lot. Tyra said that she never kissed that guy again.
Howard said that Tyra let guys touch her breasts and muscular belly. Howard asked if they squeezed her ass and touched her vagina. Tyra said they didn't get to do that much. She said no one touched her vagina.
Tyra said that her mother took her on a train at 13 and gave her the most descriptive sex talk ever. Tyra said that her mom told her that her body would feel this way and the guy would do these things and she wanted to vomit. Then 3 years later a guy was saying exactly what her mom told her he would say. She said that her mom was right and she knew not to say okay to the guy.
Howard asked Tyra if she would ever date a horrible looking man like himself. Tyra said that he's not horrible looking. Howard said that he's never asked a woman to let him put the tip in because he's so small down there. Howard asked if she's ever broken up with a man because he's too small. Tyra asked Robin for her to help her.
Howard asked Tyra if size matters. Tyra said it doesn't matter as much as some people say it does. She said that it's nice for a guy to have that one thing to be self conscious about since women have so many things.
Howard asked Tyra about being in Paris and how she has never had a woman. Tyra said she had one lesbian kind of hit on her. She said she was back stage at a fashion show and the other model pinched her breast and that was it. She said she ran out after that.
Howard said he can't believe that Tyra has never had anyone come on to her and try to get her. Tyra said maybe there's something about her that they don't like. She said she has never had any photographers come on to her before. She said that they're all nice to her and one guy kind of flirted with her but he was like a school boy doing it.
Howard asked when Tyra lost her virginity. Tyra said she won't talk about that. She asked how old Howard was. Howard said he was 16. He said the girl cried too. He said that she cried because she was his girlfriend.
Howard asked Tyra about this ''America's Next Top Model'' and how big of a hit that show has become. She sells the franchise to other countries and it's a huge thing for her.
Howard asked Tyra about when she got famous and who she was hanging out with. She said that she was close with Rebecca Romijn. Howard asked if she has any close friends. She said she does but they're from high school.
Robin said that Tyra has done some acting too. Tyra said she has but she doesn't consider herself an actress. Howard said she did that one show where she was like a Barbie doll and his kids liked that. Howard said he could beat off to that but his kids were into it.
Howard asked if Will Smith hit on her when she did his show. Tyra said he was married so of course he didn't. Howard asked who she has dated. Robin had a list. She said that she dated John Singleton. Howard asked if he asked her to marry him. Tyra said maybe he did but she didn't remember. Howard asked if she's been proposed to. She said that she may have or maybe she hasn't. Howard said he wants to know if she's a pain in the ass to be with or something.
Howard asked who has broken her heart. Tyra said it's happened twice. She said she had to go home to her mom and get chicken soup. She said they were just regular, working guys. She said that she has gone out with regular guys.
Howard asked Tyra if she's dated white guys. She said she has. She said that whoever it is has to treat her right.
Howard said Tyra wrote a book. It's called ''Modelland.'' Howard asked if she wrote it herself. Tyra said she had some help. Tyra told Howard about how she wrote the book and went over it with this person who helped her out. Howard asked if she wrote it on a computer. Tyra said she types with two fingers but she types really fast. Tyra explained the book and what it's all about. It's basically a world where they discover models on this certain day and they're sent off to a special school.
Tyra said she likes creating stories and this book is kind of like her life since the model, Tookie, is discovered at 15 like she was.
Howard asked Tyra about her fear of dolphins. Tyra said she used to have dreams about it and she was freaked out by them. Fred played some dolphin sounds and Tyra asked him to stop. Tyra told Howard about going to Sea World and going into the water with the dolphins. She said she was a danger to them so the trainer didn't want to let her in the water with them.
Howard asked Tyra what she's wroth. Tyra said she would never, in a million years. tell him what she's worth. Howard asked Tyra about walking away from her TV show and why she would do that. Tyra said it had to do with her well being and she wasn't well. She said she was run down from doing that and America's Next Top Model. She said she was the producer of that show and it was a lot of work.
Howard asked if people tried to talk her out of leaving. Tyra said that no one got mad at her. She said she does miss interviewing people sometimes. She said it's weird to be on the other side like this.
Howard asked Tyra about how she's going to Harvard right now. She's doing that and living in a dorm. Howard said that must be weird for her. Tyra said it hasn't been weird. She said that she is enjoying it.
Howard asked Tyra if she's better now that she's stopped with the TV show. Tyra said that she was really stressed over the book and she had some alopecia going on. Howard said that must be tough for the boyfriend. That led to Howard asking if she knows what her boyfriend is worth. Tyra kept saying she's not talking about that stuff. Howard said if this relationship doesn't work out with Tyra and John then he's going to set Robin up with John.
Tyra asked Robin if she's single. Robin said she is. Tyra said she should hook her up. Howard said Robin would like John. Howard said the guy is 6'7'' tall and he's not hunched over like he is. Howard said he's not sure why celebrities are embarrassed by the people they date. Tyra said that she's not embarrassed. She said that it's up to her to keep it private.
Howard gave Tyra some more plugs for her book and ''America's Next Top Model'' which has its season premiere this week. They're doing an ''all stars'' show but not with winners.
Howard asked Tyra if she would let her daughter go into modeling if she had one. Tyra said there are so many things to do and she thinks she'd let her go if she really wanted to. She said that if there were better things for her then she'd encourage her to do other things.
Howard asked Tyra if she enjoys showing off her body and if there's anything sexual there. Tyra said she doesn't get anything sexual out of it. Howard asked who she thinks are really beautiful models. She mentioned Iman and Christy Turlington.
Howard asked if she lost some weight. She said she didn't lose any. She said she may have gained some. Howard said she looks great.
Howard gave Tyra some more plugs for her book and a book signing she's doing out in Santa Monica this week. Howard asked what she's going to wear to that. She mentioned wearing pants. Howard said that's the worst.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who was talking about his foot fetish and how he was bummed when she wouldn't show Howard her feet earlier.
Another caller asked if she uses her fingers or a vibrator. Tyra wasn't talking. Another caller said that his wife has him hooked on America's Next Top Model and he's a straight man. He said that he likes the challenges they have on the show. Tyra said that she wanted Howard to be a photographer on the show. Howard didn't want to do it. Howard said she really doesn't want him doing that.
Gary came in and told Howard that Tyra had to get going soon. Howard took some more phone calls. High Pitch Eric called in and asked if she would ever date a guy like him. Tyra said she doesn't really like dating. She likes being in a relationship where you feel comfortable.
Howard gave Tyra some more plugs for her book and all of the other stuff. Howard told the fans not to ask her vibrator questions or anything like that. She's not a sexual object. Fred played the dolphin chirping sounds again. Howard told him to stop that too.
Tyra told Howard that they're going to call them again to get together. Howard said he thought they were being dumped. Tyra said they enjoyed Howard and Beth a lot. Howard said most people are like that and they never come and hang out. Howard said Tyra is never around to come over anymore. Tyra said that she isn't into big parties and stuff. Howard said she has rules so that's why they have to figure out what to do. Howard said they've known other couples that have dumped them. Howard said that he thinks he and Beth are boring to hang around with. He said that he's incredibly dull. Tyra said she thinks Howard is very nice. Howard thanked her for that and wrapped up and went to break.
Howard came back and said he saw the movie ''Warrior'' and he liked it a lot. He said he'd give it a thumbs up. Robin said she started watching ''Falling Skies'' and it started out slow but she liked it after a few episodes. Howard asked if she's watching ''Fringe.'' Robin said she's been trying. Howard said it gets good in season 2. Robin said ''Torchwood'' has been good. She told Howard to check that out too. Howard said he'll finish up Fringe and maybe check that out.
Howard said that Tyra was really coming on to him. Robin said she didn't see that. Howard said he was joking. He said that he thinks they will hang out together eventually.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. That led to Howard talking about why he called into he Wrap Up Show on Thursday. He wanted to straighten people out on the weatherman thing and why Robin was laughing at him. He said that he was annoyed so he had to tell people what was going on. Howard played the audio from that segment on the Wrap Up Show. You can read that in my Thursday archive.
After playing the clip Howard said he compares this to calling a doctor who tells him to get something checked out that he talked about on the air. Howard said that this weather man called and told them that it would be best to leave. Howard said he didn't call the guy, the guy called them. Robin was laughing again. Howard said it's not funny. He said the boys on Wrap Up were asking about Bubba's marriage too so he commented on that. Howard played that audio clip too.
Howard said that there is no evidence that there was any hanky panky going on with Bubba but he can come up with theories on what's going on with Bubba and Heather. Robin said that maybe they just realized that their craziness didn't work together after living together so long. Howard said that he really doesn't know what's going on with him. Howard said he called Bubba trying to get in touch with him but he got his voice mail. Howard said he had to email him and let him know he left a message because he wasn't sure he got the right voice mail. Howard said Bubba said it was the right number and he'd give him a call but he never did. He said he thinks Bubba is on lock down right now and he might be lawyered up and maybe he's been told to shut up.
Jon ran down his Wrap Up Show preview and mentioned Tyra Banks' appearance today. That led to Howard and Robin talking about why Tyra won't get married. Howard said he thinks that she wants to marry the guy. That's all he's saying. Robin said Howard seems to be comparing what happened to him and Beth to Tyra.
Howard said he didn't know that Tyra had that secret signal to get her out of the house. He said that makes sense to him. He said people think he's a raving lunatic. Howard said that he and Beth should have a secret signal too. Robin said that he could just tell her that they should get out of there 10 minutes after they get there. Howard said their secret signal is to tell the other person they have something in their teeth.
Howard said people seem to expect some wild Howard when they come over. He said they come over and realize he's no fun. Howard said he just sits there and talks. Robin said she remembers being on a tall show and they were back stage talking and the guy lit up a joint. Howard said he remembers that. Howard said they don't even do any drugs. Gary said it was actually hash. He said pot would have seemed normal.
Jon mentioned the Paul McCartney autograph signing discussion they had early this morning. Howard talked about that time he asked Paul McCartney for an autograph and got turned down. Howard said that he was embarrassed because he was doing it for his daughter. Chris Rock was there and he was even more embarrassed by Chris seeing that. Howard said he's suddenly 18 minutes of Chris' act. Jon brought up a few more subjects they have for today's show and Howard let him go.
Robin read a story about the show ''Spartacus'' that's on Stars. Robin said that they had this guy who got sick with Non Hodgkin's Lymphoma and he just died. He was only 39. His name was Andy Whitfield. Howard said that really burns him up when someone like that dies. He said it pisses him off. Howard went to break after that.
After the break, around 9:45am, Howard came back and talked about what a nightmare Twitter is. Howard said that people were flipping out over the clips he tweeted out. Howard said Gary talked about how he got shit for tweeting about how he had to get sleep so he could go to work the next morning. Howard said he used to take pictures of Beth and Tweet them out and people would ask why he's not doing the radio show instead. Howard said they do have more time off but he told people he wouldn't be working as many days. People will tell him to fuck off and get to work no matter what he's doing. Howard said Gary has the same problem.
Howard said that he's still working hard on his photography. He said that he's doing everything in manual mode now so it takes more set up. Howard said that he used to let it do some things automatically but now he's doing everything manually. He said he has a 10 page spread coming out in World Magazine in October. He said those are the best he's taken so far. Howard said that those shots were taken in aperture priority but the new shots are all in manual. He said that the calendar he's working on is going to be 90 percent manual. He said he forgets to set things and he'll miss stuff at times. Howard said it's crazy when you do it all manually. He said you have to do the white balance and then figure out someone like Robin who is darker skinned. He said you have to think about all of that when you're taking pictures. He said that it's really complicated. He thought it was simple but it's really not. Howard and Robin went over that for a few minutes. Howard said everything is complicated. Howard said he'll let Beth pick out what she likes of herself. He said he plays God most of the time with his pictures. Howard said he and Beth agree most of the time but Beth is very particular.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's happy that he's embracing this whole thing. The caller said he's been a photographer for a while. He went over some of those things Howard was just saying and asked if he's shooting in RAW or Jpeg mode. Howard said he doesn't need the RAW mode. He said that you don't need that extra step in Photoshop. Howard said he uses a torchlight for mixed lighting. The caller told him that a wedding is going to be a tough shoot. Howard said he knows that. He and the caller went back and forth talking about the aperture priority thing. The caller said that if you use aperture priority it's not going to come out very good. Howard seems to think he knows what he's doing and he knows it won't be easy. Howard told the guy he's way ahead of him. The caller, Marty, said that action photography at a wedding isn't easy. Howard said he knows what he's going to do.
Howard said he has the World Magazine thing coming out. He has a calendar coming out for charity too. Howard said he'll let people know how to get that when it's available. Howard said you can see that he knows what he's doing already. Marty said he was just letting Howard know that it's not going to be easy.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about Cliff Robertson dying at 88. Howard said he was great in ''Charlie.'' He died a day after his 88th birthday.
Robin read about how Chaz Bono is really looking like a man these days. Robin said he was out at an awards show this weekend with a shirt, tie and beard. Howard said that pisses guys off when they see someone like that with a hot chick. Howard said he knows that he's proud of his beard but it doesn't look good. Robin said he has sideburns too. Howard asked if Chaz looks better now that he's a man. Robin said no. Howard did a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about Michael Lohan having a new restraining order against him. Howard said that guy is a fucking douche bag. He said he saw him on that Celebrity Rehab show. He said he wants to be the level headed guy on the show and thinks he doesn't need help but he's really a hot head. Robin said that the cops had to go visit him last weekend when he was trying to contact his girlfriend and she called the cops. Howard said Lindsay Lohan didn't get all whacked out like she did on her own. Howard said it must have been a scene and a half with them.
Robin read about how Jennifer Lopez may have found a new man. She's been seen with Bradley Cooper. Robin said that Marc Anthony is still saying that it wasn't his idea to break up.
Robin read about how they created the sneaker that Marty Mcfly wore in ''Back to the Future'' and they're auctioning off some of them. Robin said that one rapper paid $37,500 for a set of sneakers. Robin said they don't lace themselves but they look like the future sneakers. Howard said he might have to see that movie again to remind him of what they look like.
Robin read about how Amelia Earhart's goggles auctioned off for $18,000 at some auction. Howard did another live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about Kate Gosslin and how her TV show is going away after this final episode that's airing this week. Robin said that Dr. Phil has Casey Anthony's parents on his show this week.
Robin read about the 9/11 memorial services that were going on yesterday. Howard said he couldn't watch that stuff. He was getting too upset. Robin said she's sure there were a lot of people watching but she wasn't able to watch it either. Robin said that Paul Simon performed at the memorial service in New York City. She had some audio clips that she had Howard play.
Robin read about some wild monkeys that are running around in Texas and how one police officer was injured trying to capture one. Robin said some of them got away when the fires were hitting areas of Texas. Howard said he would never get started with a wild animal like that. Howard said they look cute and innocent but they're really not. Robin said that she saw a girl in Peru put her face up to a cage in a zoo and they monkey took her glasses. Howard said they'll rip your hair right out.
Robin read about the terror alert that was heightened over the weekend. Robin said they're still doing bag checks and car stops in certain areas. Robin said they're telling citizens to still be cautious. Robin said they're still on high alert.
Robin read about a republican debate that will be going on in Florida this week. She read about the people who are going to be in that debate.
Robin read about how Iranian leader Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was claiming that the U.S. had carried out the attacks on the World Trade Center so they could start wars around the world. They spent a minute talking about that before Howard did another live commercial.
Robin said she'd like to know why Amy Winehouse's father is out doing so many interviews. Howard said maybe he wants his daughter to be known as an artist and not so much as a drug addict. Robin said she had some audio of him talking about how her problem wasn't drugs but alcohol. They played that clip and Mitch Winehouse said that it had nothing to do with drugs. Howard said that the Jimi Hendrix family won't let any movie use his music in a drug scene in any movie. Howard said that he died of a drug overdose so that doesn't make any sense. Howard said he doesn't think that the dad came off very well in her song ''Rehab'' because he told her she didn't need rehab.
Robin asked Howard if his kids were into Spongebob. Howard said they weren't really into him. Robin said they're saying that it may be bad for kids now. Robin said that they claim that the show is very fast paced and shows like this aren't good for children. Robin said that the people at Nickelodeon are saying that the study doesn't make sense.
Robin said that the movie ''Contagion'' was number one at the box office. Howard said he has no desire to see that. Robin had some audio of Kate Winslet talking about how the cast became more germ conscious after shooting this movie. Howard said he won't go see a movie like that. He's already freaked out by shaking hands.
Robin read about how some meat has been recalled after a salmonella outbreak. Robin said that it's for ground turkey and ground turkey patties.
Ralph called in and said that he watched some of the memorial stuff this year and it was pretty nice. Howard said he just didn't want to be reminded about it. He said it just bums him out too much. Ralph said the memorial looks beautiful. He said James Taylor sang too and it was nice. Howard thanked Ralph for the call.
Robin mentioned some tennis news and wrapped up. Howard took a call from a guy who said he called when Tyra was on and he has dated some black women. He asked if she suggests no panties because of the musky stink down there. He said that's what some black women seem to have. Howard said maybe he was with a couple of losers. Howard ended the show around 10:20am.
After the break Jon had Sal and Richard come in to talk about the letter they sent to Howard. Jon said that Howard may have been in disbelief over the whole thing. Jon said that they wrote it to show that they're not slacking off. He asked if they were offended when he said he threw it away. Richard said they were trying not to be annoying and it was the second least annoying thing they could do. Richard said they were trying to annoy him the least they could.
Sal said that Howard had said that he didn't think they were doing that many bits lately so they had to make him aware of what they're doing. Sal and Richard said they weren't upset that they sent him the letter. Richard said he was going to pitch an idea to Howard to spank them if he doesn't like a bit.
Gary asked what's going on with them because he saw that Richard sent out a note where the losers have to kiss. He said they seem like they want to kiss. Richard and Sal think they're going to win so they don't want to kiss. Jon said that he and Gary have no desire to kiss each other. Richard said that's why it's funny. Gary said that it's not fun if you think you're going to win. He said he's not going to want something like that to happen to him. Sal said that's how they come up with that stuff.
Gary asked why everything has to be gay. Richard said they're newlyweds and they have to do something like that. Benjy asked who Sal and Richard think would be more likely to want to make out, Gary or Jon. Sal said he thinks Jon because he's the kind of guy who would do that. Gary said he had a Jackie pin him down and kiss him on the channel 9 show once and it really bothered him. He said that he full mouth kissed him too and it really bothered him.
Sal said he had a guy grab his face and stick his tongue in his mouth once. He said that he never said anything about it after that. He said he felt like he was tongue raped by the guy. This happened about 10 years ago and he still hangs out with this guy. Sal said his buddy told him that the guy has done it before too.
Jon said that Howard mentioned that Sal and Richard weren't hired as a team but they always present each other as a team. Jon said that Sal seems to be backing out of some things that Richard mentions lately. Sal said that he knows Richard would tongue kiss him but he doesn't want to do that kind of thing. He said he doesn't want to be spanked by Howard either.
Benjy asked if he wants to kiss Richard. Sal said that if it's part of the bit then he'd do it if he had to.
Jon asked Gary if he thinks that Sal has been backing off some of this team stuff. Gary said he doesn't see it. Sal said that it's not a team thing, it's the gay stuff that he's backing off of.
Gary said that Sal and Richard are really into each other and they do so many things together. He said they mentioned that he and Jon Hein shared a room together but Sal and Richard do that all the time.
Jon brought up the Newlyweird game and said that he thinks Howard and Fred will do well because Fred knows how Howard is going to answer. Benjy asked if they're factual questions or are they ''what would you do'' kind of questions. Gary said that it's a mix. Gary said that Sal and Richard may do well because they know each other so well.
Jon asked Sal and Richard about writing their letter and how they did it during work. Sal aid that they were on their lunch hour. Gary said they don't have a lunch hour. They don't have to clock in and out. Sal said that they did it while they were eating lunch then.
Benjy asked if it was one guy or the other that wrote more of the letter. Sal said that he really doesn't know. He said that they can say things at the exact same time and it's not clear who wrote the whole thing. Gary said that he thinks that if they ever broke up as a team then they'd start remembering who wrote what.
Jon asked Gary if it was a mistake to send the email. Gary said he probably would have told them to wait and talk to Howard in this meeting. Jon asked Sal why he didn't do that. Sal said he didn't know. Gary said that answer comes from Sal a lot.
Sal said that they probably should have checked with Gary first. Richard said that they figured if they brought this stuff up before the meeting it might go better. Jon asked if they're nervous about the meeting. Richard and Sal both said ''Umm...'' at the same time. Jon asked Gary if they should be scared. Gary said they shouldn't be afraid of losing their job but they should be prepared for Howard to ask for more.
Jon took a call from a guy who told Richard how much he loves him. Another caller said he loved the phony phone call they made. He said he doesn't see the difference between that and any other call they've made and why Howard is making such a big deal out of it. Richard tanked him for that and said that they can become numb to what's good or not. Sal said that one problem wish the stuff they do is that Howard comes in first thing in the morning and it's not funny at 5:40am. Sal said that when Howard played the first call it was funny and it might have to do with timing. Sal said maybe if they played those calls for Howard at the 7 o'clock hour it might be better.
Jon and Gary talked to the guys about their calls and when they think that they should be played for Howard. Sal said he's not giggling at 5:40 in the morning so he can see why Howard wouldn't find it funny then. They went to break a short time later.
Jon said that Howard seemed kind of skeptical about some of the stuff they were saying about how long it can take. Sal said that they have to go back to the drawing board at times. He said that particular one this morning just happened to take a month.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he loves Sal and Richard and he'd like to get them to hang out. He said it's an honor to talk to them. He said they're down in South Carolina and they can't afford to pay them to come down. Richard said it all depends on how far they have to travel and how much they have to do. Gary said 5 years ago all they would have had to do is feed them.
Richard and Sal said they get the full experience when they hire them. He said that they'll hang out and have a lot of fun.
Jon thanked the caller and Sal told the guy to email him again and said they'll work out a good package for them.
Sal asked Benjy if he ever doesn't laugh at a joke he'll write for Howard like Jackie did. Benjy said that he knows the joke already so he doesn't laugh. Sal said Jackie did too but Jackie would laugh. Gary said that Sal and Richard used to laugh at their own bits and they'd shush people if they came in. He said they watched Howard on their monitor to see how he was reacting. Richard said they've had to shush people when Howard plays their bits before.
Jon asked Gary what he thought about the secret signal that Tyra had for her husband to get out of Howard's place. They talked about that and how it was praying hands. Gary said he and his wife have a look too. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about ESPN's Ron Jaworski saying shit on the air accidentally and having to apologize for it. He said Richard and Sal went out to talk to some people who are there in the city for Fashion Week. Howard said it's funny how much anti-Semitism there is out there and yet Ron Jaworski has to apologize for saying ''shit.''
Howard said he has Jewish friends who are very naive because they grew up in Jewish neighborhoods not knowing what's really going on out there. Howard played a clip of Sal asking who has more fashion sense, the Jews or the Mexicans. One person said that it was the Mexicans and that it was the Jews who bombed us. Sal and Richard were also asking how to lose weight and the person they were interviewing said drinking pee and choking on a dick were two ways. She also didn't like Howard Stern and described how ugly she found him.
Howard said these are the people who were there for fashion week. Howard played another one where this person was saying that they thought Jackie Gleason had the best fashion sense. That one also said that Hitler had good fashion sense. That person said that Hitler picked out nice looking outfits for the prisoners in the camps. Howard said he saw some of those people and they did have hats so they wouldn't have strokes. Howard said he wondered why they had hats and weren't running around naked. Howard said they did have an airy pajama like thing. He said he never looked at it that way.
Howard said this person they were interviewing was mentally ill obviously. Howard said someone had to fill her head with these ideas though. Richard and Sal talked to her more about the fashion sense of Hitler. She said that her parents knew Hitler and they said he was nice in his private life, he just didn't treat all people very well. Sal and Richard asked this woman how she could lose weight. She said that eating dog shit or dog food would make her vomit and that would do it.
Sal and Richard asked a guy who he thinks has more fashion sense and this guy said it was the Mexicans and that the Jews are the worst and they don't believe in the Messiah. The guy also said that Paris Hilton is one of the most fashionable out there. He said Howard Stern is a pervert and he doesn't care about fashion. The guy said Howard looks like a fag and he was like the devil.
Howard said he's getting slammed from every which way. He said you'd think that guy would like the show but no. Robin said he hates the Jews so why would he love the show. Howard joked that the guy was Scott Ferrall's father because he kind of talked like Scott.
Howard said he found it funny that Ron Jaworski had to apologize for saying ''shit.'' He played the audio where Ron said ''shit'' as a passing comment while calling a game. Then a few minutes later he had to apologize. Howard played that clip too. Ron said he said an inappropriate word and he was sorry if he offended anyone. Howard said he must have offended the American public that's so high minded. Howard said he likes that people are so offended. Howard said he thought Robin would find that interesting.
Howard said he's teamed up with Fred but some people think Ronnie should be his partner. Howard said he does spend a lot of time with Ronnie. He said he does a lot of grunting though. He said that he has to tell him stuff since he drives him around. He said that he gets all moody when he tells him that stuff. Howard said the guy has to get up early to drive him around and he's not getting any younger. He said he does have a conversation with him at times. He said maybe he and Ronnie would do better in the game.
Howard said Fred sent him a note last night about what his favorite song and band were. He said it's the Beatles and ''A Day in the Life'' are his favorites. Howard said he and Fred never really talk. He still thinks of him as a long time friend. Howard said Gary talks to everyone and he knows everything about his friends. Howard said Gary knows Jon Hein and who wants to know about Jon Hein?
Howard said he'd guess that Ronnie's favorite performer is Cher and ''If I Could Turn Back Time'' is his favorite song. Ronnie came in and said that he doesn't know what his favorite song is. He said that his all time songs are Cher songs. He said that Howard might be right about ''turn back time.'' Ronnie said that he hopes that Howard would know him better than Fred.
Howard said that he learns something with Ronnie early in the morning when he grunts. Ronnie asked why he had to start in with him so early in the morning. They played some audio of Ronnie singing karaoke with that Cher song. He sounded a little drunk in that clip. He also likes to sing ''Sweet Caroline'' so Howard said that must be one of his favorites. Ronnie said that song is one of his favorites too and it might be the favorite.
Gary asked Howard what Ronnie's favorite food is. Howard thought about it for a minute and said that it was Italian food. Ronnie said he got it. Howard told Ronnie to write down his answers. He had Gary ask some more questions. Howard said Ronnie's favorite dance is the Hokey Pokey or the ''hopey kopey'' as he said once accidentally when he was drunk.
Gary asked what Ronnie thinks is his biggest character flaw. Howard had Fred answer too. He was going to answer for both. Howard said it was Mark from Boston who said that Ronnie is the one Howard knows better than Fred.
Howard guessed it was anger with Ronnie. Ronnie said ''grammar.'' Howard said that he doesn't even understand the question. Ronnie said he is angry too. Mark in Boston was on the phone so he was asking if JD was going to be the judge today. Howard said he is.
Howard guessed that Fred's character flaw is his slowness in getting things done. Mark in Boston asked if he could play with a team there. Gary said he can play. Howard said he'll give Mark the choice of who he wants to play for him. Howard and Fred, Gary and Jon or Sal and Richard. Mark said he's going to take Jon and Gary or The Blimp and the Chimp'' over the rest. Gary said that Sal and Richard are really close and they could pick out each other's cocks in a line up. Howard said Richard and Sal could beat him and Beth.
Howard said Richard wanted to set up a penalty where people would have to kiss each other. Howard told Mark he could be part of this game. He got in a plug for this Budweiser trip that they were giving away.
Howard tried to guess what Fred's character flaw is. Howard said maybe it's his communication skills. Howard asked Robin if that's a character flaw. Robin said that could be. Howard thought about it some more and said that Fred is kind of lazy too. He said that JD isn't lazy. He said he works his ass off and he's like a Jamaican. Howard said he has been kind of mental in the past. He thought he was on medication but the guys said he's off of that now.
Howard said he's going to say Fred says he obsesses over things. He asked Fred what he wrote. Fred said that he's shy. Robin said she wrote down something to see what happened and she actually wrote down ''shy.'' Howard said that's hardly his biggest flaw. He said that's kind of charming actually.
Howard said he's going to write down what he thinks is his flaw too. Fred had already written down his answer for that. He said he did want them to get it so he was going to guess at what they were going to answer. Howard said he's going to write down two things. He asked Ronnie what he thinks it was. Ronnie said Howard is angry and he has OCD. He said he'd go with OCD as his final answer. Fred said he says ''Hyper, hyper, hyper, hyper critical.'' Howard said he wrote down his looks. Fred said he's as bad as Ronnie. He didn't get the question. Howard said he also wrote down that he doesn't relate to people.
Howard said he did it wrong. Robin said they'll have to hope that the contestants get the game. Howard said that he and Ronnie might know each other better than he and Fred do. Howard said that Ronnie doesn't talk unless he's spoken to though. Ronnie said he does start conversations once in a while. Howard said he and Ronnie talked about what they'd do to Tyra sexually. He said that's the kind of stuff they talk about.
Howard said that Ronnie gets drunk a lot and he is disgusted by him when he sees him drunk. He saw him that way at Bubba's wedding. Ronnie asked him not to bring that up. Howard said Ronnie showed him Bubba's Twitter this morning and he was saying that his marriage is over. Howard said that Bubba sent him a note saying that he never cheated on Heather. Howard said that's what Bubba said to him about Bubba but he didn't say anything about Heather. Howard read some of those tweets that Bubba sent out. Bubba said he'll always love Heather and her daughter but it's all over now.
Howard said that he's going to guess that Bubba has already fucked since his breakup. He said that's the first thing he did when he got separated. Howard said maybe Bubba will wait. Robin said that the movie ''Crazy, Stupid Love'' is about a guy who got separated. She said it's pretty good. Howard said he didn't like one of the Steve Carrell movies he saw. He said he didn't remember which one it was. Howard said that it seems like he does any movie that comes his way. He said he's doing the Dan Aykroyd school of script picking.
Howard said he's going to play with Fred today. He said he wants to be with him. Fred said he does want to win but he's not sure they're going to get to know anything. He said he wants to get one answer right at least. Howard said it's possible that they'll get them all right. He said that they could have spoken last night to talk about a strategy but he didn't even want to pick up the phone to talk to him. He said they just don't bother with each other.
Gary said that the guys who wrote the game have had to rewrite the game once already. Gary said that they should pick two other contestants too. He said he thinks that the game is going to go on for a bit. Howard picked up on a guy who picked Sal and Richard as his team. Ronnie said he thinks he picked the right person.
Howard said it's possible that they're not going to win. Ronnie said that Sal might know how many hairs are on Richard's ass. Howard said that the final contestant is going to be stuck with him and Fred. He picked up on this guy Trevor who said he wanted to play. Howard said he's stuck with him and Fred. Howard said he'll do the best he can with him.
Howard asked the caller if he had ever killed anyone. The caller didn't hear it so he paused. Howard said they should have 10 questions like that for the contestants. Howard put that guy on hold and went to break.
Howard came back and said that was quite a discovery there with that prank phone call. Howard also talked up Panama a little bit before taking a phone call. The caller said that he had a great interview with Tyra Banks yesterday. He also thanked Howard for the iPad 2 he got from a Little Lupe game. Howard said that Tyra was a very pleasant person to look at on the TV show. The caller asked if she still has a giant forehead. Howard said he didn't notice it if she does. Howard said he found it fascinating that she had a code word to get out of his house with her boyfriend.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked how his dog is doing. Howard said she still has the cone on. He said he feels so bad for her. He said these dogs really shouldn't even exist. He said that it's the worst breed for health problems. Howard said she has eye problems and Beth is busy with her all day long. He said she has to take her to the vet twice a month minimum. Howard said you need a lot of money to have one of these dogs. The caller said he has a problem with money and he had to take the dog to get a urine sample. He said that he had to borrow against his annuity fund. Howard said that people should not buy these dogs. He said that it breaks his heart to see her with a cone on her head. Howard said that the dogs that aren't taken care of must be suffering. the caller said that he's retired so he gets to stay home. He said that he can't imagine what it must be like for other owners.
Howard let that caller go a short time later. He said that these dogs shouldn't be bred anymore. Howard said that they suffer a lot and it's just not fair. Robin said that's what she was telling Howard when he bought this one. Howard said he tells a lot of people this stuff now that they know.
Howard had Sal and Richard come in. He said that he wants to see what they're up to. Howard said Richard is dressed as a woman tody. He wore his wife's wedding dress. Howard said the dress looks awful. Richard said it looked great on his wife. Howard said that Richard is completely nude under the dress. Howard said that he was showing his cock and balls under that dress. Richard just said ''Surprise'' when he showed what he had under there.
Howard said that they're going to be playing for Rick, Trevor and Mark today. They have three contestants and three teams to play. Each team plays for one fan that they have on the phone.
Howard had Jon Leiberman come in with a news preview before getting to the game. Jon said they have an update on Steve Leeds having his access cut from the compound. Howard said he wanted to cut access from Steve but it didn't look good so they reinstated it. Howard said he told Gary to cut it off like a month from now. Jon said that they're going to have to follow this story.
Gary said that he didn't tell Jon the story but Jon kept digging trying to find out what really happened there. He said he wanted to let Howard tell the story. Howard said he wants to look innocent in all of this and make Gary the one who looks bad. Howard said that he's not sure why Steve had access there anyway. Howard said Steve does not need to be back there. Gary said that all of the people from the talent department need to be there at times. Howard said he doesn't need full access. Gary said he might need to be in there once a month. Howard said they can turn it off later but turn it off except for that once a month.
Jon said they also have a story about Eric the Actor illegally downloading material from a torrent site. He said he can't say how the found out but Eric did admit he uses a torrent site but only as a last resort. He was downloading ''Entourage'' and some other TV shows. Jon said that Eric claims he's not selling them so he's not doing anything wrong. Howard said that Jon is quite the little reporter. Howard said he's proven himself there s a reporter.
Howard turned things over to their host JD Harmeyer. Howard asked how they're playing this game. JD said that they're going to send Fred, Richard and Gary out of the room.
Howard said he was going to turn things over to JD but he doesn't like to be away from behind his console. Howard said Will was laughing at the way he was dressed today. Will came in and said he wasn't laughing. He said he just smiled at him. Howard said he was laughing at him. Will said he was complimenting him. JD said Howard knows how he feels every day now.
JD took over and didn't say much of anything. Howard said he couldn't hear anything. He asked Scott what was going on. He said this is the part where Scott just stares at him and doesn't do anything. JD laughed. Howard said JD is the worst host. He said he's got nothing to say. JD said he's not a host. Howard told him to try to shine and be something he's not. Sal said ''Impossible...''
Howard turned things over to JD and JD said the first question for Howard was ''What do you think Fred's favorite TV show is.'' Howard said he has no idea. Robin said he has talked about at least one show. Howard said he knows nothing about this guy. He respects his work but he knows nothing about him. Howard said that he'd like to say that it's ''My Favorite Martian'' or something. Howard said that he'll say it's ''60 Minutes.'' He said he really doesn't fucking know.
JD asked Jon Hein what Gary's favorite TV show is. Jon said he likes so many shows. Jon said that he'll say Fred will say ''Top Gear.'' He said he thinks that Gary's is ''Law and Order.'' Howard had to ask Robin to be quiet because she was helping Jon. Sal said that he's going to say that Richard's favorite is ''True Blood.''
JD asked the next question but there was static coming through a mic in the studio. Howard asked what the hell was going on there. Scott tried to fix it but Howard's mic was gone. Howard asked what happened. Scott said it was JD's mic. Howard asked if they tested this out ahead of time. Howard said that they've been doing this for 30 fucking years. Howard said that he has big plans coming up soon. He said he's not going to work unprofessionally anymore.
JD asked Howard whose wife he thinks Fred would like to have sex with. The static returned. Howard told them to give JD a different mic. He said they were in the middle of a fucking show. He said their whole career is sound and they can't do it when they play a game. They gave JD a different mic and Howard said this was a disaster. Howard said this is such a dumb show.
Howard said if they have any other problems they'll just wing it. Howard said this is embarrassing how little he knows about Fred. Howard said he'd say his wife but he's going to say that Fred will say Sal's wife. JD asked Jon who he thinks Gary will say. Jon said that he'll say that Gary will say Beth. Sal said that he'll say that Richard will say his wife, Christine.
JD asked the next question which was ''What is the most embarrassing thing Fred has ever done in front of him?'' Howard said that Fred rolled around on the ground with a girl in Washington DC. He said she was the first girl to get naked. Howard said that it was weird because Fred was so a-sexual before that. JD asked Jon what Gary has done. Jon said that he'd have to say it was when they went out to a sushi place and he hates sushi. He's going to say ''Sushi in L.A.'' Sal said that Richard doesn't embarrass him but when he goes to the airport he tells security that he looks like a potential terrorist. He said he hates that. He said Richard will point at him in line and they end up patting him down. Howard found that really funny.
JD had the ''wives'' come back in. Howard said that he was going to move this game along since JD wasn't. JD read the plug for the prizes they were going to give away but Howard cut him off from doing that too. JD asked Fred what he thinks Howard said was his favorite TV show. Fred said that it was ''60 Minutes'' and got it right. Howard sounded shocked. Fred said ''Game on!'' Howard said that the guy they're playing for just beat off. Howard said he's so proud of Fred. Fred said that he is going with 1981 and the answer he thinks Howard will give. Gary said that he thinks Jon said that his favorite TV show is ''CBS Sunday Morning News.'' He was wrong. Gary said his real favorite is ''Seinfeld.'' Richard said he's going to say that Sal said ''Entourage'' and he was wrong too. Sal said it was ''True Blood.''
JD said that Howard and Fred are winning right now. They're the only ones with points. JD asked Fred which staff member's wife he would like to have sex with other than his wife. Fred said that he would say Howard's wife but he can't go there. He said he'd say ''Mary.'' Howard said he went with Christine. Howard said that he knew Fred wouldn't say his wife. Gary said that he thinks Jon said ''Beth.'' He was right. Richard said that Sal would say Will's wife. He was wrong.
JD asked Fred what the most embarrassing thing he's ever done in front of Howard was. Fred said that he thinks that Howard will say it was the incident at Scores. He was wrong. Gary said that he and Jon don't do anything in front of each other. He said that Jon changed into his pajamas in front of him. He was wrong. Richard said he'd say licking Sal's balls. He was wrong too.
Howard said that Jon and Gary are tied with him and Fred. He said they'll take a break and then come back and do more questions with the ''wives.'' Howard had to take over as host to move the game along. Howard said that if they wait for JD they'll never get this thing over with. They went to break after that.
JD asked Fred who he thinks Howard's favorite actor or actress is. Fred said he'll say De Niro. Gary said that he would say that Jon's is the girl from 30 Rock. Katrina Bowden. Gary said that Jon doesn't seem to have a lot of sexual feelings except when she shows up on screen. Richard said he'll say that it would be Joe Pesci.
JD asked Fred who Howard's least favorite person on the show is. Fred said he'd say JD right now. JD said that's fine. Fred said that he thinks that Howard will say Scott the Engineer. Gary said he'll go with Scott but not for the same reason. He said that Jon doesn't like to hurt anyone's feelings and Scott is an easy answer. Richard said he'll say Ross Zapin is Sal's least favorite. Either that or Jason. Richard said he'll go with Ross.
JD asked Fred to guess how many sexual partners Howard has had. JD said he had to get within 3. Fred said that he will say 50. Gary said he'll say 5 for Jon. Richard said he'll say 10 for Sal.
JD said that this next question is a 25 point question. JD asked what Howard's least favorite thing about Robin Quivers is. Fred said he'll say that it's when she can't admit she's wrong. JD asked Gary what his answer is for Jon Hein. Gary said he's not sure because they like Robin. He said maybe that she's disorganized. Richard said he'll say that Sal will say that it's that she talks too much.
Richard wanted to guess what Howard and Sal talked about in the green room. They got Howard and the others back in there. Richard said Sal has a huge hard on because he was just talking to Howard. Howard said Sal was talking about his wife in the green room. He said that Sal's wife blocked him from both of her Facebook accounts. Howard said she unfriended him. Howard said she has a public Facebook page for her ''fans.'' Sal said he didn't say that as a bad thing. Gary joked that he was having lunch with Sal's wife this week. Sal didn't know that. Gary told him he was joking.
Robin said they had to get back to the game. JD asked Howard who Fred said his favorite actor or actress was. Howard said he'll say that maybe it's Jack Nicholson or maybe Al Pacino. He said maybe Fred said it was De Niro. He went with that and got it right. JD asked Jon who he thinks Gary said. Jon said that he'd say that it will be Katrina Bowden. He was right as well. Howard said Gary is nodding and he'd take that away from him. Jon said he wasn't even looking at Gary. Sal said he's going to say Robert De Niro too. He got it wrong. Howard said that he'll give it to Sal and Richard for not nodding to one another. Howard said if Gary gives tips anymore then he's going to disqualify them. Robin said that Howard and Fred and Gary and Jon are tied.
JD asked Howard who Fred said was his least favorite person on the show. Howard said he likes everyone on the show. He said he might say Benjy but he bitches about Scott's engineering. Howard said he likes Benjy. Howard said he's going to go with Benjy. He was wrong. JD asked Jon who Gary said was his least favorite. Jon said that he tries to like everyone. He said that he thinks that Gary might have said that he said David Haight. He was wrong too. Gary said Scott. JD asked Sal what he said. Sal said he'd have to say Jason Kaplan. He was wrong.
JD asked Howard how many people Fred thinks Howard had sex with. Howard said he would say 30. Fred said 50. JD asked Jon how many Gary guessed. Jon said that he would say 5. He was right. Sal asked what ''within 3'' means. Howard repeated the question slowly to Sal. Howard asked Sal how many women he's had sex with, within 3. Sal didn't get it. Sal thought it meant that three people knew the answer or something. Sal said that he'll say 7 people. Richard said 10 so he was within 3 and got one right finally. Sal was thrilled.
JD asked Sal what he thinks Richard said is his least favorite part of Robin. Sal said it's that she talks too much. That was the 25 pointer so they were in the lead now. Fred said he's going to say that Robin can't admit when she's wrong. Howard said he thinks that's a match. Will was judging so he gave it to him. Jon couldn't believe that. They turned to JD to be the judge. Howard said there are a lot of semantics in that. Howard said that Robin thinks she's an expert on everything. JD said he'll give it to them.
Howard said that Robin is the one who is always goofing on him and this is really almost the same thing. Gary said if it makes him feel better than take it. JD asked Jon what he thinks Gary said was his least favorite thing about Robin was. Jon said he'll say that it's between talking too much or being an expert on everything. He said he's going to go with being a know it all. Gary said it was that she's disorganized. They got it wrong.
Howard asked JD to announce the winner. It was Howard and Fred. Howard said he loves Fred. He told JD to wrap it up so he can go to the guys on the phone.
Howard got Trevor on the phone and told him he just won 5 grand. Trevor said that's amazing. Howard said he won a trip to Las Vegas as well. He got in some plugs for the Budweiser Band of Buds thing. He got Rick on the phone and told him that Sal and Richard came in last. Rick said that he hates to be a sore loser with that last question. He asked if there's a consolation prize. Howard said he didn't have one but he felt that his answer was a match. The caller said that he has given him so much joy over the past 20 years he'll let it go. Howard thanked him for playing. Howard got Mark in Boston on the phone and told him he didn't win. Mark said Howard is the best and he was okay with that. Howard got in some more plugs for Budweiser and thanked Fred for being a great partner. Howard said they will always have someone complaining about it. Howard took a call from someone who said that Sal proved that he's a moron. He said that it also proved that Howard and Fred are the best. Howard wrapped up a short time later and went to break. He said they had Lars Ulrich from Metallica coming in next.
Howard came back and said that drumming was Lars Ulrich from Metallica. Howard said that they've had quite a life. Howard said Lars shaved his head. Lars said he was trying to beat it to the punch. He's balding. Lars said it's been falling out the past couple of years. He said that he was standing next to someone yesterday and the guy had a ton of hair so he is kind of balding compared to him.
Howard said Lars grew up kind of poor. Lars said he's not sure he'd say ''poor'' but they didn't have a lot of money. Howard said that it seems like all of the guys in the band had a chip on their shoulder. Lars said he grew up poor in the friendship area. He said he had friends but they weren't part of that big gang. He said they were delving themselves into music.
Howard asked how old he was when he started playing drums. Lars said his father was a professional tennis player so he traveled around in that world for a while. He said he was a tennis player in his mind and he knew that world so that's what he wanted to do. He was in the top 10 in the 12-14 year olds in Denmark. Howard said he was really good then. Lars said that was in Denmark. He said it's not very big over there. Howard said that's a pretty big accomplishment. Lars said his father was the best tennis player in Denmark and his brother was second best. He said that it was a pretty big deal back then. He said that's the world he knew.
Howard asked if he was into tennis more than the drums. Lars said that music was his passion but his day job was tennis. Howard asked if he was pressured to play tennis. Lars said he wasn't at all. He said he came to the United States and played down in Florida. He said he was there and he was the only kid who didn't go to school. He said he was at this academy and it was like prison to him. He said he was there for the first year of that Nick Bollettieri academy.
Howard asked Lars if he was told to go out and drum instead of play tennis. Lars said he did his best to do what Nick told him to do. He said they had a pecking order kind of system there and he was on the second or third court. He said he really didn't learn much there and it probably wasn't worth the 20 grand they spent on it.
Lars said that he went to high school in California and he didn't even make it on the tennis team there in school. He said he wanted to play there in the States so he went back to school. He said that it took a wrong turn though and he wasn't good enough to get on the team. Lars said he didn't have the tenacity to do that shit 8 hours a day. Lars said that he didn't have that drive that the other kids had. He said he was also turned off by that thing of 6 hours of drills every day. He said it became very hard edged. He said it was much more laid back in Denmark. Howard said he can't picture him in the outfit. Lars said he had the little shorts on just like everyone else did back in the 70s. He said they were short shorts and way too small. He said you see those pictures now and wonder how the fuck they got into them.
Howard asked Lars how he got into drums. Lars said when he was in Florida he listened to a lot of rock music on a local station. He said that there was an incident where he and a few other guys got busted for smoking pot at the academy. He said he had grown up in Denmark and it was much easier to get out and do things on his own. He said he ended up getting stuck in this academy and he had to get up and talk about the evils of pot smoking in front of everyone there. Lars said that it was so foreign to him that they would get in trouble for this stuff there. He said in Demark it was such a different thing.
Howard asked what James Hetfield's problem is with him. Lars said that they met in 1981 and he had never met anyone who was that shy. He said that everyone he knew was very outgoing. He said James wasn't able to be like that. Lars said they bonded over music and they had that common dynamic. He said they were from two different worlds though. Howard said they work together great though. Lars said that James may have been kind of jealous of his family functioning. He said that he didn't rebel against his parents like so many other guys did. He said he used to smoke pot with his parents. Howard asked if that was weird. Lars said it wasn't weird in Denmark. Howard said James must have been jealous of that relationship. He said maybe he was envious. Lars said that might be an understatement.
Howard asked Lars when he started to play drums. Lars said in Denmark he was maybe 12 when he begged his grandmother to get him some drums. He said that he started playing around that age. Howard said a lot of parents will say they don't want to hear that noise. He said his mother wanted him to play the clarinet. Howard said he gets that and that's the way life goes. Howard asked if Lars thinks that anything could have held him back. Lars said he was pretty determined. He said he set his sights on making it happen.
Howard said he thought kids had to start when they were like 5. Lars said he was self taught and he had to take lessons later on in life. Howard said that's pretty amazing that he was able to do what he's done.
Howard asked Lars about how he came to want to play drums. Lars said he knew that it was his calling after the tennis thing didn't work out. He said he knew music was his calling. Lars said that he wishes that had taken some drum lessons early on because he needed to know some of the rudimentary things in drumming.
Howard asked why James Hetfield attacked Lars. He said it's not cool. Lars said they had a low point in 2000 and 2001 and James was dealing with a lot of his own demons. Howard said that he's a great drummer though. Howard said that he thinks he's great. Lars said that he thinks he's the best match to James Hetfield's guitar. Lars said he's not a technical drummer, he's more of a feel kind of guy. He said he's never been in any other band either.
Howard said the bass player had to be kicked out of the band because he was doing side projects. Lars said that was between Jason and James and that was in their low point. He said he stayed out of that whole thing. Howard asked if James is hard to deal with. Lars said that James' whole thing at that time was that he wanted loyalty and dedication. He said straying from Metallica showed weakness. Lars said that James did some therapy and he loved the band so much that no one was allowed to breathe outside of the band. Lars said that Jason wasn't part of the creative part of the band so he had to go somewhere else and that's what happened. Lars said he's a pussy and he just stayed out of the whole thing. Lars said that the band was fucked up in that 2000-2001 time and he couldn't do anything.
Howard said that's like career suicide for Jason. Howard said he should have just stayed in the band. Lars said it was a mind fuck for them because you're a lifer when you get into the band. He said there are people who have been with them for 25-30 years. He said once you're in, you're in for life. He said Jason was the only guy who really fucked with them. He said he respects him for what he did though. Lars said he was caught in the middle of the whole thing so he told Jason that and told him to do what he had to do.
Howard said James seems to be calling the shots in the band. Lars said that Jason left the band. He said James didn't call the shots there. He said that Jason called them into a room and told them he didn't want to do this anymore.
Howard asked Lars if they have a rule against not having a look. He said that they don't have any kind of look so it's almost an anti-look. Lars said that they're 30 years into this and there have been different times when they've thought about it. He said that in the 80s there was kind of a uniform. He said it was a black t-shirt gang back then. He said they were doing everything together. He said that you don't stray outside of that gang mentality. He said once they had enough money to buy houses and stuff then he stated wondering if he should get all black furniture.
Howard said they're a successful metal band that has a cool image and they did everything together in the beginning. Howard said he thinks that the kids on American Idol don't go out and do that kind of thing. Howard said he became a great drummer because he was out on the road playing with the band. Lars said that ''band'' is the key word there. He said that you keep each other in check and you don't want to let the team down. He said you feel secure but don't want to stray too far either. Howard said they stuck with it even through the lean years. He said that they have to know their audience and they have to go out and put in the time to find that audience.
Lars said that they started in 1981 and they were playing covers. He said that's what the clubs were demanding. He said they never played the radio friendly covers though. He said they played heavy metal songs that no one knew. He said they got a set list together by bands like Diamond Head and Sweet Savage and played them. He said they didn't say whose songs they were and they thought they were their songs. He said they didn't claim they were theirs though. Howard said they didn't cave into the club owners demands. He asked if they ever wanted to cave. Lars said that they didn't and it actually fueled them to keep doing it.
Lars said that he was a cashier at a gas station and they would go out and drink and play after that. Howard said that he knows that Dave Mustaine got mad at him for not mentioning him at the Rock and Roll hall of fame. Lars said that they're all good now. He said that Dave has been mad at him for many things over the years so it's hard to keep track.
Howard asked Lars if he was into coke. Lars said he was. He said that he had a lot of fun. He said he felt bad the next day after doing it so he gave it up because it wasn't worth it anymore. Howard asked Lars if he was fucking a lot too. Lars said there were a lot of girls that were hand me downs and stuff. Lars said that it was crazy back then. He said some bands were very public about their behavior and they were kind of keeping it quiet. He said they were still engaging in it but they kept it low profile. Lars said they had a lot of fun.
Howard asked what it's like to have women show up and how they work all of that out. Howard asked him to take him there. Lars said you need some good road managers. He said that an English guy is the right man for the job because the girls love that accent. He said that you get the girls into an after show room. He said that the room would be filled with girls. Howard said his guy Richard Christy is a drummer and he claims that they never got any girls. Lars said that their cup runneth over. He said they never had a problem.
Lars said that the tour bus was the big draw. He said that so many people would chase the bus down. Howard asked if there were any fat chicks on the bus. Lars said there were a few of those. He said they were very accommodating. Lars said that the crew had the fun until the band showed up. He said the crew had passes and they had codes written on them so you could tell if they were crew girls or band girls. He said that was all very well taken care of.
Howard asked Lars if he got laid a lot in high school. Lars said he didn't get laid until the band started. He said that he ran off with one of Dave Mustaine's girlfriend and got laid for the first time. He said Dave was a cool guy and he had a whole circle of people around him and he got some of the girls who were like court 3 or 4 of the tennis academy.
Howard asked if he told Dave that he did that. Lars said this might be the first time he's spoken about it publicly. He said he's going to see Dave tomorrow at the show they're doing. Howard said that Metallica is doing a big concert at Yankee stadium tomorrow and they may have tickets available. Howard said he saw them play a huge show with an orchestra there. Howard said it was a great show and his friend got kind of carried away and danced to their music. Howard said they pulled his friend's pants down and he's not sure why they did that either.
Howard asked Lars how he got into Metallica. Lars said he had put an ad in this thing called The Recycler trying to find a band. He said that he got a call from this guy, James, and that led to them talking and getting together. Howard said that he imagines that they talk about the kind of music they're into and it wasn't the Cowsills they were into. Lars got a laugh out of that. Lars said that James was shy but he could tell he was into the same shit he was into.
Howard asked where they met for the first time. Lars said it was in Newport Beach at his house. He said that he was 16 and full of spunk and he was ready to go. He said that he came from Denmark so it wasn't a big deal to have some strangers over to his house. He said that his father probably invited him to come and just have dinner with them.
Howard asked when James sat down with a guitar and started playing. Lars said they did it the same day. He said he had a really shitty drum kit and James tells the story about how every time he hit the cymbal the whole thing would fall over. He said they didn't feel a lot of love that day but when he came back to America 6 months later he asked to start a band. He said that was in the fall of 1981 and that's when they started Metallica.
Howard said he has known Fred for like 30 years and only said about 5 words to him. He said Lars and James don't really communicate on that level either. Howard asked if he would know James' favorite TV show. Lars said he probably wouldn't know that. He said that he grew up on a lot of American TV shows he didn't know.
Lars said that he and James had a lot of fun together. He said once they were part of this huge thing it was a little awkward. Howard asked how many albums they've sold. Lars said it's north of 100 million. Howard said they were doing fringe music and it's not really mainstream. Lars said that some would still say it's not.
Lars aid there was a guy in New Jersey that gave them a record deal and they have never had anybody from a record company sitting in the studio with them. He said that they've done it their way all along. Howard said that can ruin things.
Howard said his theory is that you need at least one rational guy in the band to keep them together. Lars said that the word on the street is that he's the rational one. They've been doing this for 30 years and they're playing Yankee Stadium tomorrow. He said that's pretty big.
Howard asked if the first gig they did was a disaster. Lars said they did a show in 1982 at Radio City in Anaheim, California and it was a disaster. He said they were playing the first song and halfway through the song ''Hit The Lights'' Dave Mustaine broke a string on his guitar. He said there were no extra guitars or roadies so they had to take a break. He said it took like 5 minutes to change the string and no one knew what to do in that time. He said that Dave used to do all of the communicating with the audience because James was so shy. He said it took a few years before James started talking to the audience. Howard said it's an amazing thing when a guy that shy works his way up to get on stage.
Howard asked Lars if it's a big deal for him to play Yankee Stadium. Lars said that it is a big deal and it's just a one off show. He said they aren't out touring right now so this is just one show they're doing. He said that the last album they did was in 2008 so they're not touring right now. Lars said that they have a two week rule now so they're never on the road for more than two weeks. He said he has 3 sons at home that he has to get home to. He said that they don't want to go down that road of getting burned out anymore.
Howard asked Lars if a groupie has any chance of blowing him anymore. Lars said those years were fun but that's not the vibe anymore. Howard asked if they can give him a hand job. Lars laughed so Howard figured a hand job is okay.
Howard said Lars is an art collector and he recently sold a painting in 2002 for $5.5 million. The painting was by a graffiti artist who died in the 1980s. Howard asked how much he paid for it. Lars said it was less than 5.5 million. Gary said he read about one he sold for $14 million. Howard said he must be pretty good at this. Lars said he stated in the late 80s collecting art and he was enveloping himself in that. Lars said he still hangs in the art circles today. He said that he hangs these things in his house. Howard asked how long he'll stand and stare at them. Lars said there have been times when he's looked at them for a half hour. He said he was into some abstract art and he would buy really big paintings and envelop himself in them. He said it's like an other worldly experience for him. He said he hasn't done hallucinogenic drugs so this is what that is like for him.
Howard asked Lars about hanging out with Jim Breuer. Lars said the guy is awesome. Howard said Jim thought he was dumped by Lars. Lars said that the other side of the story is that James Hetfield came in and swooped Jim away from him. He said that he wondered how the fuck that happened. He said that taking Jim away was crossing the line. Howard said he thinks he can get him Jim back. Lars said he'd like that.
Howard said he thinks that Metallica proves that you have to pay your dues to be successful. Howard said he loves the story of Lars and James getting together and creating this band. Howard said they didn't give up after all of the stuff they've been through. Howard said he was in a band, Electronic Comic Book, and he changed it to Plumber's Union and back to Electric Comic Book. Howard said they created ''Silver Nickels and Golden Dimes.'' Howard played him some of that song that he did when he was a kid. Lars wondered if he was serious. Howard said if he had answered his ad he would have thrown him out. Howard said Sugar Ray did a cover of the song and he got a royalty check for it. Howard said if Lars had hooked up with him he'd still be playing tennis.
Howard said when you go to a Metallica show you see this band that has perfected what they've done. Lars said they do what they can. Lars said they've had 3 bass players but they don't really have a revolving door there. Howard said there are kids on America's Got Talent who don't have this kind of thing. He said they have to get their shit together and go out and earn it.
Lars said that he and Kirk Hammet went out and took lessons even after their first album. He said that you have to do that kind of thing if you want to be big. Lars said after their first tour they figured it might be a good idea to learn how to play their instruments.
Howard had Richard come in to meet Lars. Richard came in wearing his King Diamond shirt. Richard said he's going to be going to the see them play tomorrow. Richard said that he's in Charred Walls of the Dammed now. He and Lars have a mutual friend, Brian Slagel, who Richard is working with in that band. Lars said that he's going to be at the show tomorrow night. Lars said that this guy Brian helped get them going with a compilation album. He said that they're still indebted to the guy and he's still his friend after all these years.
Howard asked Lars if he thinks Steven Tyler should have done American Idol. Lars said he doesn't watch popular TV so he really can't say. Lars said that he has an opinion. He said that he can relate to what Joe Perry is thinking. He said that you can argue that Aerosmith has a higher presence because of that. He said he's not going to judge Steven on what he's doing. Lars said that they would never stray into these things but James has done some voice overs for cartoon shows and he's done some movie stuff himself. He said they do these small things outside of the band but they don't do it as Metallica.
Howard asked if Richard can blow him. Richard had love in his eyes. Lars said if he can find it he can. Richard said he's such a massive influence on him. He said he learned to play from some of his stuff. He said it's an honor to be that close to him. Lars invited him to come sit next to him. Howard said that was a mistake. Richard said he's got front row tickets. Howard said he wears a diaper so he doesn't have to miss any songs. Lars said he was fine with that. He said he's hugged worse. Lars said that Richard won't be the only one wearing a diaper.
Richard said that he used to live in a storage unit for 8 years. He said that the reason he got into drumming was because of what Lars did and he never had that kind of experience. Lars said when they started they didn't have any money. He said that they ended up in a furniture warehouse with no heat or running water. He said bands were squatting in there. He said that they slept there for a couple of months while Anthrax lived in the higher end of Queens. He said they're playing with them tomorrow too. Howard asked how you go on in those days and not get discouraged. Lars said they had a toaster oven and they'd cook soup in the oven. Lars said they did it because they loved playing music. Howard said that he's glad it worked out for them.
Lars said that they went through so much coming up in the industry. Howard said that he'd never want to go back to that but he must be happy he went through it. Lars said it was like 24/7 fun.
Howard asked who he's married to now. Lars said that he came on the show with one wife and she told stories about Matt Damon. He said that he still remembers that and how terrified that girl was when Howard was talking to her about Matt. Howard said that he married that girl too. Lars said that they had 3 kids together. He said she lives 5 minutes from him and they're still friends. Howard asked if he cheated. Lars said that he's not usually protective of stories but he's just going to say it didn't work out. He said the sex was fantastic. He said that she took off on him. Howard asked if she knows that he's in Metallica. Lars said she must not have gotten that memo. Howard asked if he just wasn't a good husband. Lars said he was digging deep now. Howard asked if she left him for Ben Affleck. Lars laughed.
Lars said that he was probably spending too much time in Metallica world. He said he was lost somewhere else and she left. He wasn't getting too deep into it. He said he'll bring her back next time he comes in.
Howard said that he has a woman, Heather, on the phone who claims she had sex with a roadie just to meet Lars. Howard picked up and Heather said this was in 1989 and she met Jason and James but not Lars. She said she was only 14 and she met this roadie Randy who looked like Newman from Seinfeld. Lars said that narrows it down to about 30 or 40 guys. Heather said that she wanted to meet Lars so bad she was going to come back. Howard asked what the big deal is for these girls to meet band members. Lars said in the smaller towns there was kind of a status thing.
Howard asked Lars if he has to work out to be a drummer. Lars said he's a runner and he checked in last night and went for a run at 1:30 in the morning in the park. He said he did about 3 miles. Lars said he has to run everyday.
Howard asked who Lars is married to now. Lars said he isn't married right now. He said he's not sure he'll ever get married again. He does have a girlfriend though. Howard asked if she wants to be married. Lars said she may have had worse marriages than he's had. Lars said they have one child together so he's already knocked her up.
Lars was wondering if Heather had an end to her story. Howard said he had gotten rid of her already. Lars said that back in those days they didn't remember the big shows like the Meadowlands. He said it was the smaller market shows that were the memorable ones.
Lars noticed that Richard had a Metallica logo on his shoes. Richard said he had them on his boxers too. He showed them to Lars and Lars said ''Look at you.'' Howard asked if Richard could go up on stage and drum. Richard said it would be the best thing in the world but he didn't want to put him on the spot. Lars said that the band The Cult used to open for them and they did a show at Red Rock and they had Matt Sorum play for him and he might ask Richard to do that for him tomorrow. He said he could go out and see Metallica play from the field. Howard said he can play drums on his head tomorrow if he wants.
Richard asked if he could have Howard play some of his drumming for Lars. He had a clip in the computer for Howard to play. The Howard TV guys had some video of him playing. Howard wasn't able to hear it very well. Lars said he's very good but he's not sure how he'd do playing behind James Hetfield. Howard told Richard to leave him alone now. Howard said that they had to wrap up after that. They went to break a short time later.
Howard thanked Jon for that and had Robin start her news after Fred played her in with a song parody. Robin started off with the New York Marathon lottery. Robin said she has 10 slots that they're going to give away through the 15 Foundation.
Robin said she had the list of top entertainers and Howard is in the top 10. Howard said they claim he makes $78 million a year and that's nice but not true. Howard said he'd like that to be true but it's not. Robin said that Tyler Perry is the highest paid man in show business. Howard said if his is wrong then why would he believe that Tyler Perry's is right. Robin said they claim he made $130 million in a year. Robin said they're basing that on his movies and TV shows. Robin said Jerry Bruckheimer, Steven Spielberg, Elton John, Simon Cowell, James Patterson, Dr. Phil McGraw and others are on that list. Howard said maybe he should take on a second job to make more money.
Robin read about how Dr. Phil has an interview with Casey Anthony's family that will be airing today. Robin had a preview audio clip from that show. Howard said he must be void of what everyone else has. He said he has no interest in hearing this. Howard asked who gives a shit. Robin said that people want them to admit to what happened to this child. Howard said we know.
Robin read a story about the extra security they had at the Jets stadium the other night because of the terrorist threats but a man got into the stands with a taser in his pocket. He used it on another fan. Howard said that's a wild story. It makes you wonder how much security they actually have at the stadium. Howard said he heard about that and got pretty annoyed.
Robin read a story about some New York City police officers that are being called into question. They have these ethnic parades on the weekends there and some cops were caught dancing with some of the parade participants. Robin said the women were shaking their butts and the cops were dancing instead of guarding. Howard said it might be good that they were out there doing that. Robin said that's not what the NYPD thinks. They're embarrassed by it. Howard said he thinks that anyone who goes to a parade should be locked up. He doesn't understand why they have to hold them in the streets either. He said that they should take it to a stadium and do it there instead. Robin said that wouldn't be a parade. Howard said these things are a nightmare and they have to stop the nightmare. They went to break after that.
After the break, around 9:55am, Robin got back to her news and read a story about Jackie Onasis and how there are some old tapes that were released recently. Robin read about some of the things that she has said in the tape. Howard said he doesn't think it's all that sensational.
Robin mentioned that Mary McCormack had her baby girl. Howard said Mary played his wife in the movie ''Private Parts'' and this is her third girl. Robin said she gave birth on Saturday morning. Howard said he wrote her an email but her husband wrote him back. Howard said he got nothing back from Mary. Howard said the husband returned his email. Howard said he has his thoughts and theories on that. He won't share though. Howard said she hasn't given a name yet but she has to know what it is. Howard said they're saving it for a big announcement. Howard said he had his kids named before they came out. Howard said they refused to know the sex of the child before it was born too. Howard said they knew with the third child it was going to be a girl. He said they had a pretty good idea with the first two.
Robin had some audio of the Miss Universe 2011 winner being announced. It was Miss Angola who won. Howard said they must be the only people playing that clip this morning.
Robin read about how fatherhood reduces testosterone levels. Robin said a study found that it helps fathers adjust to being a parent. Howard said that it also reduces estrogen in women so that they're less attractive to other men. Howard said that's why guys end up walking around with a papoose on their chest. Robin said that they found that the levels drop almost immediately after becoming a father. Howard said that parents meet in the middle after losing estrogen and testosterone. Howard did a live commercial after that.
Robin read about a couple of hikers who were arrested in Iran for hiking where they weren't supposed to be. They got 8 years in prison over there. Robin said that the president of Iran, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, has said that he will release them in two days. Robin said that they were arrested more than two years ago. Robin said they're saying they will release them on a humanitarian basis. Howard wondered why anyone would hike in Iraq. He said to accidentally make it into Iran means that they must be morons. Howard said that in Pittsburgh there are plenty of places to hike. You don't need to go to Iraq. Howard said out in Arizona there are hot women hiking all day long. He said he's been there and saw it happening. Howard said those guys should be in jail. He said they should go to jail because we have to waste our resources to get them out of jail. He said it's like people in a hurricane who refuse to leave their home. They have to go in and rescue those people and risk other people's lives for them.
Robin read about some insurgent attacks in Afghanistan. Robin said that they say that some of the attacks are on the United States embassy over there.
Robin said that the Dalai Lama has said he wants to see more dialog with terrorists. Robin had some audio of him talking about that. Howard said he sounds like JD when he speaks. Howard said this guy was chosen as a child and he's not going to listen to someone like that.
Robin read about an election happening this week to elect Anthony Weiner's replacement. Robin said that they're saying that Bob Turner is the new favorite in that election. Robin said that Turner is a republican. Robin said that the democratic nominee has Bill Clinton making pre-recorded phone calls to people in his district trying to get him some support.
Robin read about a guy who had his prosthetic arm stolen from his truck. He's asking for it to be returned with no questions asked. Howard said people really suck. He said they'll steal anything. Robin had some audio of the guy asking for it to be returned.
Robin read about The Lion King 3D coming out on Friday. Robin said that Robert Guillaume was one of the voices in the movie had she had some audio of him talking about how he thinks the new generation will respond to the 3D version of the movie.
Robin said that the movie Thor is coming out on DVD and Blu-Ray today too. Howard said he wants to see that again. He said he has to see that and Green Lantern and ''Cowboys and Aliens'' too. Robin said that Natalie Portman is in Thor so she had some audio of her talking about how great the actor was that played Thor. Howard and Robin ended the show a short time later. It was about 10:20am.
After the break Jon came back and got back to the Newlyweird game discussion. He asked Robin about how she almost ended up hosting because JD had some issues. Robin said he was stick to the piece of paper and he wasn't able to join in on the patter or anything like that. JD said he's not a game show host. Robin said it's pretty easy to put yourself in the mindset of a game show runner. JD said he was trying to think of stuff to say but they were all busy talking so he didn't get anything in. Robin said he forgot what Gary's name was at one point. JD said he had a brain fart for 2 seconds.
Jon said that people wanted JD to switch up the order of people he was questioning but he wasn't able to do that. JD said that he thought he'd get more confused if he did that. Jon also pointed out that his suit was too big and Fred played that Talking Heads song for him. JD didn't seem to care.
JD said he got the questions out and the answers were given and that's all that matters. Fred was in and said that he doesn't think they've had anyone come in from the outside and turned into a good host. Robin said that JD was given the rope and he hung himself and he was dangling from it in the studio.
Gary asked what was going on with the technical difficulties. Robin said there was some static and it would go away and come back and it was really annoying. She said they couldn't hear what was happening. Gary asked what Scott said. Robin said he said that of course they tested it out. Jon said that Scott turned down everything but JD's mic and it turned into a mess.
Jon asked JD if he thinks it went the way he thought it would. JD said that he didn't think anyone would get any of the questions. Fred said he thought it was going to be a Sal and Richard slam dunk. Sal said they did come in second. Fred said if you take away the score they came in last with the number of questions they got right.
Sal said that they should have won. Fred said that Sal didn't even understand the questions. Sal said he didn't get the ''within 3'' thing and he was trying to think what that meant. He said he thought it meant that he had to say one, two or three. Sal said he thought they were giving three women as a choice and he had to pick one. Sal said he was trying to process it and then Howard said ''30'' and he thought it was increments of 3. Sal said that Fred put up 50 and it wasn't multiples of 3. He said he still didn't understand it. Fred said that 5 out of 6 people understood the question. Sal said he's not everyone.
Jon asked Sal what he was thinking when he saw Fred's 50. Sal was explaining it and everyone was very confused. Fred was laughing hysterically at his answer. Sal said he thought that between the three people maybe it was a number that they would know. Sal said once Howard said 30 he thought it was multiples and then when Fred said 50 he figured it must have been between 3 people. Sal said it eventually came to him and he just gave a number hoping that Richard would come close. Jon said Richard said 10 and Sal's answer was 7. He asked how he knew he got it right. Sal said he got what ''within 3'' meant when they told him he was right.
Benjy asked Sal if he knows what theory he was using when he said his answer of 7. Sal said that was how many he's banged. Sal said that his theories were all thrown out once he gave his answer. He said that and then Richard said 10 and it was within 3 so he got it right.
Gary asked Sal how many he's slept with in his life no matter who he's discussed it with. Sal said it's 7. Gary said he thought he was saying he only told Richard about 7 women he's slept with. Sal said he may have told Gary about 2 or 3 of the women he's been with but Richard has heard about all of them. Benjy still didn't understand what Sal's theory was.
Sal tried to explain it again and said that he was thinking about three people that he's discussed his women with. Gary said he doesn't understand that either. He asked Sal to explain and Sal just kept digging the hole deeper and deeper. Robin said it's amazing that he got that one right.
The guys asked Sal what was going on in the green room with Howard. Sal said Howard asked him about his wife and he talked about what was going on. Gary said Sal makes it seem like Howard is a KGB agent who is digging the information out but he just blurts it out freely when Howard asks about it.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Gary if he's scared that he hired a guy this stupid. Sal told him to fuck off. Gary said that Sal does his job great and the stuff he doesn't know makes for good radio. Benjy said he thinks it's a sign of intelligence that he answers like that. Benjy said he was serious too.
Gary asked why he didn't understand the ''within 3'' part of that question. Sal said that it was worded kind of strange so he didn't get it at first. Gary asked if he gets what ''within 50 cents'' of guessing the price of something. Sal said he does. He said he gets that but the way the question was worded didn't make sense to him. Gary asked Sal how he passed his series 7 test. Sal said he got an 86 on the first try.
Jon said that one of the questions was about Robin and what they dislike. Richard had a second answer that he didn't want to give. Robin said that Richard had an answer for Sal about her color or race and he was pretty sure about that. Richard said that's kind of what Sal is known for so that's why he said that. He thought that would be the funny answer. Robin said ''sure, sure...''
Robin said it was odd that Richard said that about Sal immediately. She said that they were talking about her on the show and Richard came up with her race first. Richard asked why he's in trouble for this. Fred said that Richard knows how much of a dimwit Sal really is. Richard said it was just a joke answer. Robin didn't seem to believe it.
Jon asked the about the question that Howard and Fred got right that was kind of questionable. Gary said he thinks that they probably won but Howard said he would have fought tooth and nail to the end if the same thing happened with Jon and Gary.
Fred said that he and Howard were lucky to even get one right. He said his favorite show is really Yankees baseball. He said he doesn't really have a favorite show. Fred said he doesn't watch that much regular TV. He said he does like Pawn Stars and something called Top Shot that he just saw the other day. Fred said that the guy has useless skills but he was watching it. Gary said he used to watch Celebrity Skeet Shooting and he loved that. He said he couldn't turned it off when he used to watch it. Richard said he was a skeet shooting champ when he was younger. JD blurted out laughing when he heard that. Jon had to take them to break after that.
Jon asked Fred about what Howard was saying about Ronnie and Howard knowing each other better. Fred said that he found himself saying the same kind of things that Howard would answer. He said that he was trying to think the same way Howard would think. He said they came close on a few more questions and they were close on a few and more than he thought they'd be.
The guys also talked about how Scott was taking a bunch of punches on the show today during that game. Jon said he didn't know that Ronnie's character flaw was his grammar. Gary said they may include him in the game next time.
Jon asked Richard about getting to meet Lars Ulrich today. Gary said he heard that Richard was doing whatever he had to do to get into the studio today. Richard said he didn't want to do anything embarrassing in front of Lars. He said he didn't even want him to see him in that wedding dress. Fred said it was nice to see a real fan like Richard get to meet Lars today. Richard said he really enjoyed that and he thinks that Lars appreciates that he's going to wear a diaper to the concert so he doesn't have to go to the bathroom.
Richard said he used to do some really wild stuff at concerts before he got on the show. Jon said that Richard's road to success wasn't anything like Lars' was. Richard said he went 10 years without getting laid. He said he used to jerk off like a fiend. He said that he has jerked off in every country in Europe. Jon asked him how many countries there are, within 3. Richard pretended to get confused like Sal. They had to end the show after that.
Howard started the show talking about the big day they had today. He said that Gerard Butler will be coming in. He's going to try setting Robin up with him. Howard said Gerard is in ''Machine Gun Preacher'' and they got it wrong in the paper today. He said they called it ''Machine Gun Creature.'' Howard said the movie is really good. He saw it recently and liked it. Howard said Gerard Butler has had a lot of women too.
Robin said she saw Butler on TV coming out of a restaurant recently and he looked like he was tired of the women coming up to him. Robin said he was signing some autographs and a woman asked to take a picture and he asked to do it with all of them at once. They didn't know each other so he had to do it individually.
Howard said he has a guy coming in who has super enlarged balls. He said they say they weigh 70 some pounds. He said they're like the size of a beach ball. Howard said he claims he got whacked in the balls and some say that it's a medical condition that was brought on by some other thing. He said they'll talk to him about what the doctors told him to do. Howard said that he doesn't have a lot of money and he's got a whole saga going on with his balls. Howard said it sounded like a good idea in the meeting but then he read the notes and he got bummed out. Howard said he's a young guy too. He said he's in his 40s or something. Howard said he thought it would be funny to let Sal and Richard get tea bagged by the guy. He said it would be the world's biggest chocolate bandit mask.
Robin said that they learned a lot about Fred yesterday. He talked about that show he liked where he saw the guy shooting a drop of water with a bow and arrow. Howard said he must be watching stuff between channels. Howard said he got so lucky with the answers he gave. He said some people don't think they really won though. He said it wasn't a lot of people though so that's good.
Howard read through some more mail and the fans were goofing on Sal and Richard for not winning and how doing all of that gay shit together doesn't mean that they're going to know each other.
Howard said they had a slip up on HowardStern.com yesterday. They showed some of Richard's ball yesterday. Howard read some email they got about that screw up. Howard said this guy wasn't able to stop looking at his balls for some reason.
Howard said Richard is looking forward to this guy with the big balls coming in today. Howard read through some email about the Lars Ulrich interview yesterday. The Metallica fans really enjoyed that interview.
Howard said Sal just doesn't get ''within 3.'' Sal said he does get it now. That led to Howard playing some of yesterday's Wrap Up Show where Sal was trying to explain what he was thinking during the Newlyweird Game.
Howard said Sal was putting way too much thought into that whole thing. Howard asked Sal if he reads at all. Sal said he does and this was just a curve ball that he got. He said that it was very vague to him. Howard chuckled and said that it was really vague.
Howard said it would have been great if Sal had to go first and answer that question. Robin said it would have been a great time if he had to answer that one first. She said he wouldn't have known how to answer. Howard said that it's embarrassing when you don't know something but that one is really embarrassing. Howard said he's not sure how Sal feeds his family. Sal said that it must be ''within 3 brain cells.'' Howard said he's not sure why it's so complicated.
Sal said he does read. He said he read ''The Dirt'' and he's reading ''The Art of Happiness'' by the Dalai Lama. Howard said that guy doesn't know anything. He was born into that whole thing. Robin said the Dalai Lama is happy because he's not married.
Sal said that he's learned that having compassion is the way to happiness. Sal said he's trying not to curse people out these days. He said he's trying to see the better things in people. He said he does read.
Howard played more of Sal explaining himself on yesterday's Wrap Up Show. Howard and Robin got some laughs out of that explanation Sal was giving. Howard warned people not to vote for Sal to be President. Howard said it would be great if he was in a debate though.
Howard let the clip play and Sal's explanation got more and more confusing the longer he went on. Howard said he had a 102 IQ and that IQ has to be lower than that. He said it has to be 10 points lower.
Bobo called in and said he understood that ''within 3'' and he has an 87 IQ. Bobo said that it was ''within 3 people'' and it was as simple as that. Howard told him to explain it then. Bobo tried explaining it but Gary said that he doesn't think he gets it either. Howard said Bobo is as big an idiot as Sal is. Bobo didn't understand. Gary came in and said that he's never heard anyone not understand what it means. Howard said that someone with an IQ of 103 must know what it is. Gary said JD is a 106 and he totally got it. Howard said if Sal had 4 more IQ points he might understand it. He said Bobo has a long way to go to get there.
Howard said Bobo is as big an idiot as Sal is. Howard said he called in to say how dumb Sal is and he's even dumber. Howard said that Bobo thinks that when they say ''within 3'' that he has to say something between the numbers of one, two and three. Gary asked Bobo how many women he's slept with. Bobo said he'd say maybe 25. Howard asked within 3 how many did he sleep with. Bobo didn't understand. Howard said that if he slept with 25 then say something within 3 of that. Bobo said ''two'' because it's within 3. Sal understood it now. He said that he could say that it was 28 or 22.
Bobo said they should have said ''within 3 of the 25 people.'' Howard said that the answer is still 25. Sal said he loves this guy because he makes him look smart.
Bobo said there's an upcoming Wack Pack special coming up on Howard TV soon. Howard said that they have a lot of good stuff coming up on Howard TV.
Howard asked Bobo what page, within 3, is he on in the Art of Happiness. Howard said that he must be reading that book if Sal is. Bobo didn't answer. Howard said they should have a book club with Sal and Bobo in it. Bobo said he reads books like the Donald Trump book where he talks about getting rich quick. Howard said he thinks you have to understand what ''within 3'' means to understand that book.
Howard asked Bobo how old he is, within 3. Bobo said that he's 58. Howard asked how old he is for real. Bobo said he's really 58. Howard asked how many wheels are on a car within 3. Bobo said that there are 4.
Howard played more of Sal on Wrap Up but Gary came in and asked if Bobo was still there. Howard said he hung up. Gary said that Bobo has been freaking out that Howard hasn't been picking up on him that he's been driving down to the docks to a more peaceful place. He feels that he can go there to calm himself. Howard had to talk to him again after that.
Will got Bobo back on the line and Howard asked if he's at the dock right now. Bobo said he is down there. Bobo said that he leaves his house to make the call. He said he gets up around 5:10 and drives down to the dock that's right down the street. Bobo calls in and waits on hold until Howard picks up. Howard asked how long he went before he went down to the dock. Bobo said he started going down there about 13 days ago. Bobo said that he started doing that after the first day. He said he goes into a bad place if Howard doesn't pick up.
Bobo said he has to keep his windows closed because the birds down there attack him. Howard said that it must be that bird's nest on his head that they're trying to nest in. Bobo said that some of his questions blew away right into the water too. He said it's very serene out there and that's where he can write questions for Howard.
Howard asked if he sits there for 4 hours waiting for him to pick up. Bobo said he has done that. Howard asked what he does after that. Bobo said that he'll go on with his day after the show. Howard said he would go down to the dock to just watch Bobo doing this whole ritual. Bobo said that Mariann knows about this too.
Mariann from Brooklyn was on the phone so she told Howard about what he told her he does. Mariann said she told him she can't believe that. Mariann said that she and Bobo were in the elevator together and they got out and wondered how someone else got down there so quick. It turns out they closed the elevator door and never hit the button to go to another floor. They never left the floor. Bobo said they did that three times. Bobo said that he eventually went to another floor and they walked out on the wrong floor for the third time.
Howard said he got a great note about the Lars Ulrich interview from Barry Levinson. He said that it's not all dopey people who are listening to the show.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he should be known as Dodo instead of Bobo. Bobo said that there are people at the docks hitting their horns now. He said that he won't get any peace down there now. Howard let Bobo go a short time later. Howard said that he can't imagine why he'd want to be inside if he can be out at the dock. Howard said they have a lot to get to today. He said they have Gerard Butler and the guy with the enlarged balls coming in. They went to break a short time later.
Howard said that Sal and Richard have made some new prank calls. Howard said that Gary told him that Sal has been reading that Dalai Lama book for 3 years now. Sal said that the book is on his iPad and he had trouble utilizing the app. He said it took him like a month to get that to work. Sal said he got it going now. Gary asked if it was recommended by his therapist. Sal said it wasn't. He said he was looking for books about happiness and that's one that he came across. Sal goofed on Gary a little bit about being a monkey but Gary said that Sal will always be a 102 IQ.
Howard wanted to play some of Sal and Richard's stuff but Sal was laughing and distracting him. Howard said he really misses Fred already. He said he might not talk to him much but he misses him when he's not there. Howard asked if Fred has to miss the show for a death in the family. Robin said she really doesn't know what's going on. Howard said Fred could be there and not miss the whole show. He could do this after the show. Nothing is going on at this time of morning. Gary said he knows what he's doing. He said he's consoling his wife. Howard said he needs him as much as his wife does. Howard said that there was a death in his family and he will be calling Fred later. He said that he's the one who is affected by all of this though. Sal said that Howard is making him feel like a pile of garbage. Howard wondered why that was. Sal said he's making it sound like he's stuck there with him. Howard said he's stuck without Fred. That's what he's complaining about.
Howard wondered if Fred is consoling his wife at this very moment. Robin said maybe he is. Robin said she must be getting something from Fred because the marriage is working. Howard wondered if Fred could have come in for an hour or hour and a half. Robin said she's not sure why Fred isn't there. Howard said he thinks that Alison is a strong woman and she would have told Fred to come in and just come home at 10.
Robin asked where Howard would be if this was his family. Howard said he'd do the show and then go take care of business. Howard said that's what he thinks he'd do. Howard said the company relies on him to do the show.
Gary asked Howard what he would do if one of Beth's brothers died and Beth was inconsolable. Howard said he thinks he'd do the show. Gary asked if she was so bad she wasn't able to stay there. She'd have to fly to Pittsburgh. Howard said he'd do the show. Howard said he doesn't want to go to Pittsburgh. He said he won't go early. He said he'd just go for the funeral. Howard said that Fred droning on all morning might make his wife feel worse.
Gary said that he knows Howard would miss work for Beth if her brother died. Gary tried and tried to get Howard to say that he's going to miss a show but Howard kept saying he would do the show. Howard said he's not sure he would miss the show. Gary said sometimes you just need to be there for someone. Howard said he might have to tell him that.
Howard said if someone died during the show he'd finish the show. Gary said he did that when his father died. Gary said it was 9:20 in the morning when his dad died.
Robin asked Howard if he could miss the show if he had to do a eulogy for his mother or father. Howard said he'd like his sister to do something like that. He said he'd rather skip that. Gary said this is why Howard has to watch ''Dexter.'' He said that Dexter doesn't know how to be around people so he has to observe and figure out what to do. Howard said he's never moved by art work and he wonders how he can get into that stuff. Robin said that is something you can't be taught.
Howard said if Beth's brother's wife died, would he miss a day of work? Howard said he's not sure he would. Howard said that he doesn't like it when Fred isn't there. Howard said he thinks he could work. Robin said that the only reason not to be there is if you have something to do or you can't handle it emotionally. Howard said you have to have a cut off. It has to be parents or a brother or sister. Howard said you have to have a travel day too.
Gary asked Howard what would happen if Sal's wife's mother died. Howard said that if Sal isn't there because his mother died then he'd fire him. He knows he doesn't care about them. Howard said the emotional friend can sit with Sal's wife. Howard said that's a strange question about where the cut off is. Robin said the cut off is who affects you that way emotionally. Howard said that his mom, dad, wife and kids are his cut off. They threw in his niece too. Howard asked if his dog dies should he miss work? Howard said he's not going to. He said there are very few instances where he would miss work. Howard said Robin is right when she says that he might if his parents died. Gary said there are things that he would have to arrange if someone died so he'd have to miss work. Howard said that Fred has nothing to do with arrangements. Gary said he didn't want to talk about that since Fred isn't there.
Howard said he would only miss work if he had to be there for his mother if his father died. Howard said he's not sure his mother knows how to write a check.
Howard said Fred should be there today. He said he's not being cold or callus. He said that he's not going to discuss that with Fred when he comes back either. He said Fred will just yell and scream about it. Robin asked if they would work if Fred died. Howard said they would work of course. Howard said they have to work. Howard said he's the first guy looking for a day off but with all honesty they could work the day after he dies. Gary said he thinks that it would be exactly as Howard says but people would tell him that it's wrong to do that. Howard said he doesn't care how it looks. He said that the real question is how long he'd wait to replace Fred. Robin said Sal would be right there waiting to get in that seat.
Howard said he misses Fred and that's why it's an issue. He said if he didn't miss him it wouldn't be an issue. He said he'd love to be a fly on the wall seeing Fred consoling someone. Gary said he'd like to see Howard or Robin consoling someone. Robin said she's like Dexter, she can pretend to care too. Howard said he may have to watch that show. It sounds good to him. He went to break after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he hopes that he's kidding about Fred not being there. The guy said that his brother-in-law died, right. Howard said that he doesn't want to say who died. Howard said no one needs Fred hanging around family. Howard said they have a good use for him there. Howard said that he understands why Fred isn't there. He said he's really trying to figure out under what circumstances he shouldn't be there. Howard said that he'd have to console his kids if his parents died. That's what he thinks he'll have to do though. Howard said he doesn't think he'd have to console his father if his mother died. Howard said the guy never consoled him. Howard said his dad never asked him how it was going to school getting his ass beaten every day. Howard said his dad didn't get involved in that at all. He said he could have shown some compassion. Howard said that ship has sailed.
Howard said he's not going to console his mother either. Robin said he would too. Howard said he probably would. Howard said he doesn't want anyone consoling him now that he's an adult. Howard said that he just wants to be on his own. Howard said he would want Beth to do that because ''God, she's hot.'' Howard said that he was touching his wife's taught thigh last night and he realized just how hot she is. Howard said he doesn't know anything about consoling anyone. No one did it for him so he knows nothing. He said he's like a wolf.
Howard said that Fred is his boy and he has a new closeness with him after that Newlyweird Game yesterday. He said he understands why Fred is out today. Robin said that Fred may have to do Daddy Duties while this is going on. Howard said that might be it.
Lisa said that Big Foot is running a pawn shop and selling stuff to support himself. Lisa said they have a story about a host on the Catholic channel who has credited Howard in his book for helping him get into radio.
Howard said that he thinks that Sal doesn't comprehend the book ''The Art of Happiness.'' He said he had Evan on the phone and he wanted to quiz him on that. Sal said he's only about 6 chapters in and he's been reading it for a year. Howard said Sal can't comprehend the book. He said he has the book and that's just something he has to talk about in his house.
Evan asked Sal what the letters HH represent in the Dalai Lama's name. Sal said it had nothing to do with the book. He said that's something personal. Sal said he has never seen the HH in the book. Howard asked how many times it's represented in the book. Evan said that it is in there a few times. Sal said this guy is an idiot. Evan asked what country he represents. Sal said China. Then he said that the Dalai Lama was in prison in China for over 10 years. then he said he represents the Himalayas. He didn't know it was Tibet that he was from.
Sal said that Howard doesn't know where his therapist is from. He said it doesn't matter where he's from. Gary said that Sal read Ace Frehley's book and he knows where he was born. Sal said he does but he read the whole book.
Evan asked Sal if the Dalai Lama has been the same guy all this time. Sal said he doesn't know. He said he thinks that it is the same Dalai Lama. Howard said that Sal has a 50/50 chance of getting something wrong and he gets it wrong every time. Sal said that he thinks that there is just one Dalai Lama and it was by the Dalai Lama then it's by that guy. Howard said that if he says his book is written by the King of All Media then it's his name. Sal said that he doesn't know. He didn't know that it was a title.
Howard said he has to get out of this. He said you'd think that Sal would pick up on some of this stuff if you've been reading the book for a full year. Howard said maybe Sal is reading the book backwards.
Lisa got back to her news and said that Mariann from Brooklyn has a web site up now at MariannFromBrooklyn.com.
John came in and told Howard to please be patient with him while he sets up there. He said he has a milk crate there and he has to put his balls on a pillow inside the milk crate. He said that it has to hold them. Howard said it sounds exhausting. John was out of breath. Howard asked how long it would take to walk to a scale. John said he could get there in a short time. Howard asked how much they weigh. John said that the last time he weighed them they were 72 pounds. Howard had John go over to get them weighed.
John said that he's worried about being a sucky guest. He's willing to do whatever they want. Howard said that he just wants to get the balls weighed. Howard had the guys do that for him. Howard said those things must be the biggest balls ever. John said he hasn't contacted Guiness yet.
Howard had the guys help him out and they weighed in at 145 pounds. Howard said that he's not standing on the scale so it has to be the balls. John asked Robin if she ever saw anything like this when she was a nurse. Robin said she has seen edema of the balls but not like this.
Howard asked John how long he's had this condition. John said he's had for quite a while now. John said that he keeps them covered and there are people who stare at him. He said he lives in Las Vegas. Howard asked how he makes a living. John was wheezing and said that every action he does is exhausting. Howard asked what age he was when he started with this. Robin said that they weren't 150 pounds.
John said he started with this a few years ago. He said that he knew something was wrong and he had to get something done immediately. Howard asked if he had a nice life before this. John said not really. He said he wasn't a very attractive person. He said he was born with a desire for women that dance in gentleman's clubs in Las Vegas. Howard asked if he ever got laid before this happened. John said that when you look like him you come to adjust. He said it's like living a good life and then you're scooped up and taken off to prison like Bernie Madoff.
John said that he was always a chubby child when he was growing up. Howard asked if the weight has something to do with the balls being so huge. John said no. John said that there is probably no other entertainment medium like Howard's show that has so many men listening. John said that when it's chilly out your ball sack contracts. He said that sometimes they get loose and your balls spread apart. He said one morning he got up and his balls were actually kind of big to begin with. He said one morning he got up and he got up in a hurry. John said he slammed his right leg down on his right ball that the lymph node crushed. He said that it was from that blow to the nuts that it blew up. Robin said that the fluid must be only able to go in and not get out.
Ralph called in to laugh at what was going on. He asked if there were any pictures. Howard said they had one up on their Twitter @SternShow. Howard asked how long they took to get this large. John said that he's a very strong man mentally and he would never kill himself. Howard said that a lot of people might do that. Howard asked if he has seen a doctor. John said he couldn't get to the emergency room fast enough.
Howard asked John what he was doing for a living before the accident. John said he was scouting throughout Las Vegas for businesses that could use ATM machines. He said that he was getting commissions on that. John said that it was feast or famine. He said he was getting by but just barely. John said that now he's on assistance but back then he wasn't.
Howard asked what happened when he got to the emergency room. John said that morning he went through his day. He started feeling the pain as the day went on and then the next morning he got up and his ball was the size of a soccer ball. He went to the emergency room and he was put on antibiotics. He said that he went through this 2 week process to get the antibiotic through his body. Nothing happened so he went back to the hospital. He said they tried something else and went through two more weeks of that. Robin asked what the infection was and why they prescribed antibiotics. John said he doesn't know. He said that he went to the emergency room and told them he had blood in his pee. He said that when they heard that they told him he was in luck because the doctor would be in the next day. John said he stayed in the hospital that night and expected the guy to come in on Monday. The doctor didn't show up until Thursday afternoon.
Howard said he's be freaking out if he had to wait that long. John said that the doctor told him he was going to send him across the street because there was nothing he could do for him. John said he spent 4 days and 4 nights and didn't get one x-ray or anything. John said they want to do the bare minimum for you if you don't have health insurance.
Howard asked John what happened when he went to the surgery place. John said they gave him an appointment for two months later. Howard was shocked by that. John said he had to stay at home for those two months. Howard asked if it was painful. John said it's not constant pain but he gets a stinging sensation down there. He said that he was getting that from his anal cavity because the skin was breaking down there. Howard asked how he takes a shit. John said he has to put a slot machine bucket back there and collect his shit that way. He said he has to do that over a sink because he can't sit on a toilet.
Howard said that he could get him into porn if he wants. John said he doesn't think anyone would want him. Howard said he could get him in. John said that a less strong person would have killed themselves. Howard said he might be right.
John said as the ball sack grew it sucked in his dick. He said it's basically sucked it in and made it into a cunt hole. He said that the doctor told him that he has no testosterone in his system now. He said the doctors were stumped and they didn't know what to do.
Gary came in and asked if he's going to show it to them. He said Gerard Butler is there but he has no idea what's going on.
John took out his giant ball and showed it to them. Gary thought some smoke came out of there. John said he had some baby powder on it. Howard said it was wrapped in some sort of sheath. It was like an Ace bandage or something. Howard asked what the doctor said when he looked at it. John revealed his balls and all of the guys in the studio were all cringing and yelling ''Oh!'' and ''Oh my god!'' Then he showed where his penis was supposed to be. He showed where the bottom of his dick was and how it was shoved inside his ball sack.
John said the pee just kind of dribbles out like the water at the 9/11 memorial at ground zero. Howard asked what the doctor said to him. John said he finally saw a surgeon and the guy said it was beyond his pay grade. He said he was told to go to his general physician and told to start from square one. John said he's not on any public assistance and he had to concentrate on making a living. He didn't bother doing anything because of it. Howard said Sal should let him tea bag him. Sal said he'd do it. He figured it would smother him to death so he'd be up for it.
Gary asked if they could send John out the other exit since Gerard Butler's people were out there. Howard said he doesn't care. He said that John will walk out the normal door. John asked if he would escort him. Howard said no to that but he would let him walk out the regular door.
John said he has an appointment tomorrow at UCLA. He said that he's a cash customer and he needs some cash to get that work done. He said that Dr. Leonard Marx is the one he's going to be seeing. John said that they hope to be able to save his penis and balls but that's not guaranteed. He said that they've suggested cutting them both off. John said that one guy said the only way he could take care of this is to remove everything from the back to the front and he may not be able to use his penis even after that. He said that he will never be able to have sex or use his penis again.
Howard asked what the name of this thing is. John said that they say it's a large scrotal edema. That's all they've said about it. He said he calls it a ball sack syndrome. Howard said that it's sad that he has to walk around with a milk create to hold them in. Howard asked if he gets any sleep. John said he actually sleeps well. Last night he didn't because he had cramps all over. He said that had to beat off all of these attempted for the cramps to come.
Howard asked why John grew a moustache. John said he's had it since high school. Howard said he'd just say fuck it and just shave it off.
Howard asked John how he flew there. John said that he came on Jet Blue and they're the best airline around. He said he had to go to the bathroom once and it was tough. He said he can't even turn around in the bathroom.
Howard asked what he needs the doctor to do. John said that he would like the work done for free but he can't count on that. John said he needs donations because it's probably going to be over $100,000. He said that if he could move to California then he could get on Medi-Cal to help pay for it. Howard said he has to move on to Gerard Butler but he'd like to talk to him more about this. He said he would like him to call in on Monday and let them know what's going on. John said he would do that.
John asked Howard if he would do him one favor. He said he hasn't heard the show for more than 5 minutes since they moved there. He said that he loves it when Howard and the guys fight and banter back and forth like when Robin does the news. He said he hasn't heard that news since 2006 and he'd like to sit in for that today. Howard said he'll see about that. He has to get Gerard in there first. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and got Gerard Butler in there. Howard said that he's the complete opposite of the last guest. Gerard said he hasn't seen his balls. Howard said that last guy had him shaken up.
Howard said that Gerard was in the movie ''300'' and that really put him on the map. Gerard said that it really did. He said he started acting about 14 years ago and that movie did it.
Howard said Gerard's father left him when he was very young. Gerard said he was 2 and a half. He didn't see him again until he was 16. Gerard said there was one day when he showed up when he was about 4 but he went away again. He said that he was pretty much gone between 2 and 16. He didn't know he was alive.
Howard asked Gerard if he could imagine doing that with his own kid. Gerard said that he wasn't thinking about it that much until his dad turned up. He said he had to go to a restaurant and looked for his father from table to table. He said his father recognized him but he didn't recognize his father. Gerard said his mother didn't even go with him.
Howard asked why his mother sent him to see his father. Gerard said that she must have felt that she owed it to him or something. Gerard said he got home to his mom's house and she was dating a guy who is now his step-father. He said he's a great guy. Gerard said that they told him that his father was there and he had a dream about him around that time and thought he was dead. Gerard said they brought him to see his dad that day.
Howard asked Gerard why his father wanted to see him all of a sudden. Gerard said the most suspicious part about him is that he had just turned 16 and his dad didn't have the same commitments to him anymore. Howard asked Gerard where he was born. Gerard said he was born in Scotland but he lived in Canada for a while too. Howard asked Gerard about walking into this diner and going to find his father. Gerard said he didn't ask people if they were his father. He was going from table to table wondering how he was going to do this. He said he just walked around and waited for someone to tell him they were his father.
Gerard said the whole thing is kind of blurry to him now. He said that his father stood up and shook his hand and gave him a hug. He said he sat down and talked to him. Howard asked if the guy made him pay for the meal. Gerard didn't get a chance to answer. Howard asked what they ordered. Gerard said he doesn't think he ate.
Howard asked if he asked him where the hell he's been. Gerard said that he did that. He said he did hug the guy but he also asked where the hell he had been. Gerard said that he was the one who got pulled around in the family since he was the youngest. Howard asked if that's the source of his anger. Gerard trained to be a lawyer but he bailed out on law school just a few credits short. Gerard said he actually graduated. He said he never got his license because he got fired.
Howard said that Gerard is in the movie ''Machine Gun Preacher'' and it's great. He said he'll talk more about that later.
Howard asked Gerard what happened with getting fired. Gerard said he came over to America and got thrown in jail a bunch of times. He said he was drinking and getting in trouble all the time. He said that he was a drunk but not an alcoholic. Howard asked if he was doing drugs too. Gerard said that he doesn't go into specifics there but it was wild. He said there were long periods when he wouldn't do anything. He said that he was living in Venice Beach and his neighbors would have that stuff. He said he was a Venice Beach bum for a while.
Howard said that this has to be from his father leaving him. He said he has to be filled with rage. Gerard said there's definitely some of that in there. Howard asked if he got into a lot of fights as a kid. He said he did. Howard said he must have been smart too though.
Gerard said that he would get into trouble with other kids. He said that he and some other kids broke some windows in a school and he was so proud. He said that he got caught but escaped. He said that he knew he was going to get in trouble for that though.
Howard read about Gerard jumping in front of moving cars when he was drunk. He would hang off a cruise ship singing while he was drunk and things like that.
Howard asked why he got fired from the law firm. Gerard said that they called him in one day and he had like 33 days off of work and 27 of those were Mondays. He said that they put up with that for a long time. He said he was doing a training thing for two years and it's very hard to get fired. He said he had to be really bad to get fired. He just wasn't there enough.
Howard asked if he was bored to death being a lawyer. Gerard said he was. He said that things weren't lining up for him. He said that there was a part of him that knew that's not where he should be in life. Howard asked if his family had an intervention with him. Gerard said they did. He said that his parents would yell at him asking what his problem was and why he was doing what he was doing.
Howard asked when he decided to act. He said the day after he got fired is when he decided. Gerard said that he always had that in the back of his mind.
Howard asked if he had to study for years to learn to do an American accent. Gerard said he has a dialect coach to help. Howard said he could never do another accent. Howard asked if he has trepidation when he has to play an American. Gerard said he gets that with any role he takes. Robin said that they must have the easiest accent to do because English people do it so well all the time. Gerard said they grew up with American TV shows so they're used to hearing it.
Robin said that his accent was throwing her off today. She asked him to do the accent now. Howard asked Gerard if he would go out with Robin. Gerard asked which accent she'd want him to bang her with. Robin said she'd take the Scottish accent. Gerard said that's what he figured.
Howard asked Gerard if he was getting laid when he was a lawyer. He said he got a few but not a lot. Howard said he must be getting a lot now. Gerard said that when he didn't have money he wasn't getting women.
Howard asked Gerard if he remembers that a couple of women coming up to him in the park crying because they saw him there. Gerard said he did see some women crying but he didn't take them home. He said that incident happened about 2 years ago. He said he thinks that they were happy that he had regular sized balls.
Howard asked Gerard about what it's like to have women weeping because they're moved by him. He said it must be god like. Gerard said that it can be. He said that he has had people tell him that he's changed their lives. He said that he had a woman get up out of her wheelchair to greet him and the family will say that she hasn't gotten out of that chair in 20 years. He said that he has looked at his manager asking if this is really happening. Gerard said it's pretty wild stuff.
Howard said Gerard could get laid by a hot chick any time he wants. He asked what that's like. He said it must be like a super power. Gerard said it kind of is. Howard asked if he's bad in bed. Gerard said he doesn't know. Howard asked if he thinks it's hard to be a generous lover because his father treated him the way he did. Gerard said he thinks he's a people pleaser so it makes him better. Gerard said he might change that to a ''woman pleaser.''
Howard said he's amazed that Matt Damon got married and he's in a stable relationship. Howard said that he's shocked when guys like that settle down. Howard asked Gerard if he's capable of being in a one on one relationship the rest of his life. Gerard asked what the next question was. Howard said he has too many options. Gerard said he sits back and wonders how other people do it. He said he finds it hard and it takes up a lot of time. He said that he wouldn't' be where he is now if he was married. Howard said his acting is almost like his marriage. Gerard said it really is. He said it overpowers everything. He said he loves acting and he may love it more now than he did before.
Howard asked Gerard if he gets into a relationship and has to keep from getting attached. Gerard said that it's harder in America than in other countries. He said that over in other countries they have a more casual attitude. He said that the women get it and they are the ones who don't call.
Howard asked if he would marry Jennifer Aniston. Gerard said that he wouldn't but he does love her. Howard said he met her just once. Howard said she was part of a weight loss program many years ago. He said she's got a million dollar ass though.
Howard asked if she would get into a relationship with a woman who is in show business. Gerard said that he's not sure how people do it. He said there's a competitive thing for some but it's hard enough to have attention turned on you and then when you have both people with that attention it's got to be hard. He said it seems like their life becomes a military operation. Gerard said he wants to live a normal life in as many ways as he can.
Howard said that he must think that there's always the broads to turn to when he's down. Gerard said he has that tattooed on his shin actually. ''There's always the broads...''
Howard said Gerard has been with Jennifer Aniston and he had to applaud him for that. Howard said he would brag if he got her. Gerard said that it gets frustrating when you date someone like that. Gerard said that he was just in a movie with her and he didn't date her. Howard said he was in a movie and he wanted to have sex with everyone. Gerard said that he would imagine so after seeing Howard's movie. He said that hot chick who was getting topless and talking about the lesbian relationship was great. Howard said that woman ended up on Celebrity Rehab. Howard figured he could have had her no problem.
Gerard said he and Jennifer Aniston got very close. He said that they were hanging out and he was going over to her place and hanging out with David Arquette and Courteney Cox. Howard said if she's bringing him to parties like that she must be looking for action. Gerard said there were always interesting people at those parties and it wasn't just him.
Howard said he wouldn't be able to think about not having sex with Jennifer Aniston. Howard said Gerard was able to do that. Gerard said you're asking for trouble if you do it in the middle of a movie. He said that you don't want to screw things up with your co-star. Howard said he doesn't think about the consequences when he's in love.
Howard said he told his wife he wanted to go see ''Machine Gun Preacher'' and she didn't want to see it. Howard said she thought it was about a guy who shoots people up. Howard said he told her what the movie was really about and it's about a guy who was in jail and goes to South Africa to save children. Howard said they show the real guy at the end of the movie and he looked nothing like him. Robin kept calling Gerard ''Jarred'' so Howard had to correct her on that. Robin said she's not sure why she keeps doing that.
Howard said that this guy was an amazing human being. He said that he went down there to save kids in Uganda but he must have fucked up his wife and kids by running off the way he did. Robin said he had some bumps in the road.
Howard asked Gerard if he thinks that he's going to get an Academy Award for that. Gerard said he doesn't think about that. He said he had an Academy Award made up that he jerks off too. Howard asked if he has to masturbate anymore. He said it must be over. Gerard said he has an assistant for that. He was just joking. Howard asked if he really has to masturbate. Gerard said he doesn't do it flesh to flesh. Howard asked what he thinks about when he does it. Gerard said he thinks about Howard. He asked Howard if he thinks about him too. Howard said he's going to back off of that line of questioning.
Howard said he didn't get to all of the women that he's been with. Gerard said they didn't talk much about Machine Gun Preacher before they got into masturbation either.
Howard said Gerard was linked to Naomi Campbell. Howard said there's nothing to be embarrassed about with that. Howard asked if she's a pain in the ass. Gerard said he thinks she's great and she's a goddess. Howard asked if she ever threw a phone at him when he broke up with her. Gerard said that he's witnessed her throwing phones but he wasn't in the room at the time. He said he was joking again.
Howard asked if he had sex with Jessica Simpson. Gerard said he had dinner with her and someone else. Gerard said that list of women is a list of women he's been seen at dinner with even if it's with 6 other people. Howard asked if he's upset that he's going to be tagged as someone who fucks every woman he's with. Gerard said that bothers him a little bit but he works really hard with his career. Howard said he wants to be treated seriously. Gerard said that he had someone saying that because he wasn't looking at Paris Hilton one night that it was obvious that he was dating her. He said he's never even said a word to her. Howard said that would make him very vapid if he was dating her.
Howard said they say he was seen dirty dancing with Lindsay Lohan. Gerard said he may have been retard dancing but not dirty dancing. He said he doesn't remember dancing with her and if he was it was just crap dancing.
Howard asked Gerard about some other women that he's been rumored to have dated. Gerard said that he can't say. He said he'd feel like a dick if he did and then has to see them. Howard said he met a woman who said that she dated Gerard and she gave him high marks. Howard said she said he was hung like a horse too.
Howard asked if Gerard is hung well enough that the women say that he delivers it all. Gerard said that he thinks so. Howard said he's so jealous of him. Howard said he pictures him being hung.
Howard got back to ''Machine Gun Preacher'' and asked if he thinks he could win the Academy Award. Gerard said that he's not sure. Howard said he doesn't want him to win because his life is going too good. Gerard said he'd hate for his life to get better than it is. He said he lives between L.A. and New York.
Howard asked if he has a lot of Hollywood friends. Gerard said he has some. Howard asked who he hangs out with, Brad Pitt? Gerard said he doesn't hang with him but he hangs with Adrian Brody. Howard asked if his friends have to be in the field. Gerard said that they really don't. He said most of his friends aren't in the business. He has lawyers, finance guys, artists and guys like that who are friends.
Howard and Robin asked about how his relationship was with his father after he reunited with him at 16. Gerard said he would go visit and his dad was a really quirky character. He said he would wear an umbrella that around and he'd have to ask him to remove it. Gerard said that his dad would explain why he left and it wouldn't really make sense. Gerard said that first night he got back together with his dad he explained a lot of stuff and he went home and told his mother about it. He said he realized that some of the stories weren't so true. He said he was a great guy and he was hilarious though. He said he sat with his dad for 3 weeks while he was dying from cancer. He said his dad told him that he had bone cancer and he was dying. Gerard said he wanted to go on a cruise so he went off with him to do that. Gerard said that night is the night he was partying and he ended up on the rooftop of a building jumping from pillar to pillar. He was 46 stories up doing that.
Howard said maybe he was doing that because he was upset about what his father had just revealed. Gerard said he got on the cruise ship and ended up getting really drunk that night. He said he did a lot of crazy stuff that night and the night before he was on the building risking his life. He said he knew he was in a lot of trouble after that.
Gerard told Howard about how he has known Scarlett Johansson for many years abut he's never had sex with her. Howard said he's sure she would want to be with him. Gerard said he doesn't think so. He said that he's not hard to get along with but he might be hard to have a relationship with. (Update: During this discussion Gerard mentioned a book called ''Resurrection'' that had helped him out. I missed this during my initial write up. Sorry for the omission.)
Howard asked Gerard how he got into acting. Gerard said he knew a casting director and she was casting a play. He said that she told him he could come in and give out the sides for the play and she introduced him to some people there. He said he read for this guy who was doing the play and he thought that he was great when he read for him. He said he got put in the play. He said that was the best moment in his career getting to be an actor. Howard asked how he got to do a movie. Gerard said that he did a couple of other jobs and got a job in a movie.
Gerard said that he went to see the Train Spotting play once and he thought about how it could have been his life. Then a week later he got fired and headed off to act. He said that he was told they were recasting Train Spotting and he sent in a head shot he took and ended up reading from the book and he got the lead role. He said that he went the same day to a commercial casting and he got that lead role as well. They had to find a friend for that and they found the same guy who he saw in Train Spotting the year before. He said he did the commercial with him and then he became the lead in that play he had seen.
Howard asked Robin if she would rather have Gerard or Brad Pitt. Robin said she would take Gerard. Howard asked her to pick between Stamos or Gerard. Robin said that John might be listening. Robin said she'd have to take Gerard and she'll hear from Stamos. Howard asked Gerard to please sleep with Robin. He said that she needs it.
Howard asked Gerard about doing ''300'' and how much training he had to do. Gerard said he did a lot of training. He said he got a body building trainer and he was training with the movie trainer. He said he never weighed himself but he did bulk up a lot. He said he was doing Creatine and all of that stuff trying to bulk up. He didn't do steroids though. Gerard said he wanted to look better than any other leading man so that's what motivated him. He said he was doing so much that he ended up with tendonosis in his bicep heads. He said that he still has issues in both shoulders from that. Howard said he knows what he's talking about. Howard said he has the same injuries but without the results.
Howard said he loves what Gerard did in ''Machine Gun Preacher.'' Howard said Beth loved it too. Robin said she liked the movie too but she wondered why the guy didn't take his family with him. Gerard said he was just hanging with the guy the other night and he's heading down to the Congo soon.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Robin is creaming in her pants. Robin said she is not. Howard asked Robin if she would blow him in the bathroom right now. Robin said she would not. She said that's not what she's there for.
Howard gave Gerard a plug for the movie and said it's opening on the 24th of this month. Howard said he was in Tomb Raider with Angelina Jolie. He asked if he banged her. Gerard said he didn't and he's just about the only leading man who hadn't. He said he started wondering what's wrong with him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Gerard was great in ''Law Abiding Citizen.'' Howard hadn't seen that one. Robin said it's really good.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she'd like to be Gerard's next ex-girlfriend. She said that she's been told she looks like Sandra Bernhard. Howard said that Gerard just hung up on her.
Another caller said he likes some of his movies and he'd like to know if he ever banged Hillary Swank. Gerard said he did not.
Howard asked Gerard if he had to turn down some movies to do this one. Gerard said he did. He said that last year was a weird year for him. He said that he could have made 30 times more if he had taken another film. Gerard said he turned down 50-60 movies last year. He said the movies he turned down haven't come out yet though. Howard asked if he's turned down anything in his career that has gotten huge. Gerard said no but there have been some big ones that have come out. He said he's not sure if he can even say what he turned down.
Howard asked Gerard if he got laid last night. Gerard said no but he was smiling so Howard figured he did. Howard asked where he met this one, in the park? Gerard just laughed. He said he had a screening for the movie last night so he was busy with friends. Howard gave Gerard some more plugs and talked to him about some other stuff he's worked on. Gerard said that there have been times when he was turning down everything. He said that many of the things that he turned down were action movies. He said he turned down Salt and they rewrote the whole thing for Angelina Jolie. He said that he had won action star of the year for 300 and this guy came over to him saying that he had written something for him. He said that he wrote the Edmund A. Salt and then he wrote ''Law Abiding Citizen'' too so he did that one.
Gerard said that Dennis Hopper had introduced him the night he won ''Action Star of the Year'' and that was a thrill for him. He said he got his big award and he doesn't usually win awards. He said he went up and said that to have Dennis Hopper saying those things in front of 6,000 people and having everyone who worked with him saying those things, if he didn't get laid that night it would be a great loss. He didn't get laid that night. He said he doesn't have it all.
Howard said he could talk all day with Gerard about pussy and acting. Howard said he's a great interview and he's an open guy. Howard said he's proud of Gerard and all of the pussy he's getting. Howard said he's getting tons and he's very busy with the women. He asked if he wears a rubber. Gerard said he does except when he doesn't. He said that he's really not anywhere near this reputation he has. Gerard said that he's not getting as much as people say. Howard said he's still getting a lot though. Gerard said it depends on what ''a lot'' means. Howard told him to wear a rubber so he doesn't knock anyone up. Howard told him to finish in a broad's ass if he has to. He said if he had a son that's the advice he'd give to his son.
Howard asked Gerard if he's getting 3 million per film. Gerard said he's north of 5 million by now. He said he waived that for ''Machine Gun Preacher.'' Gerard said that he has a back end deal on that. He said he got some bonuses from ''300'' and he did okay with that one too. Howard said he must be worth more than 10 million now. Gerard said he has some properties that he invests in. Howard said that he's like a king. Howard told him not to let it go to his head.
Robin asked if he wants to go back to the stage. Gerard said he'd love to. Howard said he doesn't need to go back to the stage. Howard asked if he's ever orgied. Gerard said no. Howard asked if he's been with more than one chick at a time. Gerard said that's normal. That's how he rolls. Howard said he has to hang out and find out what he's up to. Howard said that he thinks that two chicks at once is normal.
Gerard joked that he had been with a 34 year old and said it was actually two 17 year olds. He said he was joking but Howard figured he was serious. Howard wrapped up and went to break after that.
Howard said this has been a long day. He asked Robin what's in the news. She wondered where Jon Hein was. Howard said he skipped Jon Hein because they were running so late.
Robin started off with some news about Paul McCartney and some things he's going to be doing. Howard said that you'd think that he'd be recognized for his contribution to music before now.
Robin said she did a story about a guy who had his prosthetic arm stolen. He's now been scammed for $100 by a guy who said that it was in a dumpster. Robin said that the guy never showed up but he got his $100 reward. Howard said that the guy who called and stole the 100 bucks is going straight to hell.
Robin read about the two hikers in prison in Iran. They may not be released this week at all. Robin said the Iranian government is jerking them and their families around. Howard said that they just had to hike in Iraq and Iran. Howard said they're asking for $500 million from the U.S. for each person. Robin said this is a very confusing situation. Howard said they're a couple of dumb hikers. He said they could have gone to the Grand Canyon or a million other places. They had to go hike in a dangerous place. If they're that dumb then that's what happens. He said he feels bad for them but only because they're that dumb. Howard did a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about the 9/11 memorial and how one family walked up to see their loved one's name and it was misspelled. Howard wondered how that happens. Robin said they spelled this woman's brother's name wrong. Robin said they reversed the E and R in Jeffrey. Robin said they're working on getting it fixed though.
Howard took a call from a guy who said it sounds like Howard was concerned with the guy with big balls and he was hoping that he could help in some way. Howard asked what the web site was for that guy. Gary said that this guy has been in the green room and some doctors came in to look at him. Gary said that they're trying to help in any way they can. Gary said they have a guy there who can talk to them from Doctor Radio. Howard had Gary bring that guy in.
Will came in and said that John's email address was firstname.lastname@example.org. The doctor, Billy Goldberg, came in and said that this is something he would thinks is a hernia or something. He said he really needs money so someone can fix this. Robin said this is what's wrong with this country. She said that he shouldn't have to walk around like this. Billy said that he needs to go to a specialist and get it fixed. Howard told him to just operate on it right now and fix it. Billy said they were thinking about castrating him and that's not a good option.
Robin asked if anything can be saved there. Billy said that he has a lot of issues from that whole thing. He said that you can't imagine what this is like if you're just listening on the radio. Howard asked if they could weigh Billy's balls. Billy said Howard guessed his weight last time. Howard thanked Billy for coming in and let him leave after that. He said he got no diagnosis from this. All he said is that it sucks and he needs money to get it fixed.
Howard asked if he had to take a break. Jim said he could if he wanted to. Howard asked if he has to. Jim said he can wait until the end of the show. Howard asked where Fred is. He said he really needs Fred there.
Robin read a story about Jackie Onasis and how she made tapes after her husband died. Robin said that Caroline Kennedy was on Good Morning America sharing some stories about those tapes. Robin had some audio of Caroline talking about what she found out when she heard about what she was saying on those tapes. That led to Howard doing his Kennedy impression for a few minutes. He was talking about the stink on women who have long hairs in their pubic areas. He said that's how his whole ''Er-uh'' thing got started. He said that he would smell that smell and say ''er-uh.'' He said that Jackie O had that name because they'd smell that smell and say ''Jackie OH!'' Kennedy was talking about all of the family he has up there in heaven. He talked about the sister without a brain and all of the other Kennedy's that are there.
Robin read more about Caroline Kennedy's appearance on Good Morning America. She had some more audio. Howard had to do another live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about Bob Turner winning Anthony Weiner's seat. Robin said that this is a big message to the president according to some. Robin had some audio of some people commenting on the win.
Robin read about how Spongebob Squarepants is being knocked for being bad for kids. Robin said that they say that it can cause issues for young children who have ADHD.
Robin had some audio of President Obama talking about his bill that will increase jobs. He was yelling in the clip so Howard said he must really be worried. Howard said he's calling for more well paying jobs too.
Robin had some audio of Ray Kelly talking about the officers that were dirty dancing with parade participants recently. Kelly doesn't want to make too much of the whole thing but they are reviewing it.
Robin said that boxing hasn't been that big lately but there is a big one coming up. Floyd Mayweather and Victor Ortiz will be fighting this week. Robin had some details about that fight.
Robin read a story about a new movie with Sarah Jessica Parker in it. She had some audio of her talking about the movie. Howard said he zoned out during that clip. He said he was reading something and just let it play. Howard said he forgot what he was doing and spaced. Robin said she had another clip to play. Howard played that but this time he didn't let it go on too long.
Robin mentioned Gerard Butler's new movie and said it's a must see movie. They wrapped up and ended the show around 10:10am.
Jon said that Sal was handling the sound effects today and his mantra seemed to be ''Less is More'' and he did a good job today. Gary said that Sal found some dirty clips of Robin talking that he hadn't heard in a while. Sal said that they have a huge amount of sound bytes so he found a few and concentrated on those. He said that he was muting out the sound board so he could find stuff during the interviews. He said he found those Robin clips and played them later in the Gerard Butler interview.
Jon mentioned that Jim McClure was in there with Sal too. Gary said he thought about just having Sal in there but Howard wanted to have the two guys there. He didn't want Sal and Richard to be together because it might be overwhelming. Gary said Sal doesn't know how to run the commercials so he should think about finding out how to do that. Gary said he told Jim to keep his head low during the show. He said he wanted him out of sight, out of mind.
Jon said Jim lived it today and he asked him if he has a new appreciation for what Fred does. Jim said he was playing some stuff yesterday and that alone was hard. He said you don't know where to drop it in. He said this morning was something else. He said that Fred is incredible. He said Fred knows where it is immediately and it's really amazing.
Gary said he was glad that Jim had it under control. He said that was one less thing to think about. He said they had a lot going on today so he was glad he didn't have one more thing.
Gary said Howard has this amazing work ethic and he comes in no matter what. Gary said that it trickles down there and everyone comes to work and goes to bed early. Gary said that they all work and don't take days off lightly. Gary said he knew this conversation was going to come down about Fred today.
Jon took a call from a woman who asked if Gary really wanted to send John out the other door today. Gary said that was all a bit.
The caller asked if Howard was serious about Fred and thinking he should be there. Gary said that he was just going through his thought process about the whole thing. The caller said that Howard's work ethic is insane. She said that she takes a day off once a month at her job. She said she needs a mental health day. She said they all do it. Gary said that would not fly there. He said they all have this work ethic and they don't take days off like that. Sal said she's lazy. Gary said that they have very coveted jobs there and they aren't going to risk them by taking mental health days off.
Gary said he thought he had a good work ethic but the thing that really got him going was when David Letterman fired Bob Morton. He said if Bob could be fired then he could easily be fired too. He said that made him work even harder.
Jon asked how Fred is going to react to this when he returns. Gary said that he hopes he can see some humor in it but if someone tells him about it without him hearing it, then he might take it the wrong way. He said it could upset him.
Jon asked Sal if he would take a day off for this. Sal said he would do that for his wife if someone close died. Jon asked if Sal would get the same treatment as Fred. Gary said he doesn't think so. Gary said that Fred and Robin would get that treatment and maybe even he would get some. Jon asked Benjy if he agrees. Benjy said he thinks it would be less for Sal. Sal said if it was more than one day then maybe Howard would get upset.
Benjy said that Howard can deal with any emotion he has as the show happens. He said Howard can respond to the way he feels while he's on the air. Not everyone can do that. Benjy said he has had these things happen to him but they were during breaks. He said he had to help some people out but he can't imagine having to help and taking time off from the show.
Gary said not everyone is like them and they don't all have this work ethic they do. Gary said he found it interesting when he said to Howard that he might not want to take the day off after Fred died but he probably would. He said Robin pointed out how bad it would look if he didn't. That helped his argument. They had to go to break after that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he had to remind himself that it wasn't Brian Johnson on the show today. He said that they have a very similar sound.
Benjy said they have more love for a good looking person than someone who isn't good looking. Gary said that it's something in them that they may never know about. Jon said that your first instinct is to hate someone who is so good looking. Jon said they all have to work for it and guys like John Stamos don't. He said that Stamos is the nicest guy in the world too so it's even worse.
Sal said he would like to hang with guys like that because he wants to hear the stories from them after they get a monster blow job in the bathroom. Sal said he went out with Jared Fox one time and he got a chick and he heard the story the next day. He said that he loves that. Sal said that you can find out how the hot women operate when you normally wouldn't.
Sal said that when you hang with a guy like Stamos you get to hang with the hot chicks and you might end up with a 6 or 7 so the odds are pretty good. Sal said everyone is happy so it's a match made in heaven. Sal asked himself what the fuck he's talking about.
Benjy said that it is interesting to see women letting their wild side out when they're at a strip club or something so that is something fun.
Jon asked Sal how much of ''The Art of Happiness'' he's actually read. Sal said that he's read about 6 chapters. Sal said that guy was asking him ridiculous questions about the book. He said the stuff wasn't relevant. He said the whole point is to find happiness. Gary asked why he knows where Ace Frehley was born from reading his book. Sal said he's been a fan of Ace's for many years and he may not have even picked it out of the book. Benjy said that Sal is reading Ace's biography and the Dalai Lama's book isn't a biography.
Gary asked why it's taken Sal a year to read 6 chapters. Sal said he reads it in bed but he's been hooked on Words with Friends and some other things. He said that he started reading the book to get him out of a funk he was in. He said he read some and it got him out of the funk.
Jon asked Sal if he has any desire to finish the book. Sal said he doesn't at the moment. He said he's feeling pretty good right now so he's not in that funk that would make him read it. Sal said the book is kind of redundant. He said that patience and compassion are the things that he pushes in that book.
Jon took a call from a guy who said it was great to hear Sal in the studio. He wishes he could have been more vocal though. The caller said he liked when Artie was there and Howard would talk to him. The caller said he hopes that Sal has a big presence on the show when Howard leaves. Sal said Howard is the ringleader and he has to watch where he steps. Jon said he did a really good job today. He said that when Lisa came in and Sal sang her theme song Howard told him to stop. Sal said he gave it his best shot and he shut up as soon as he told him to. He said things worked out pretty good and he's glad they did. They went to break after that.
Jon said it was very hard for him to move and they weighed it and it was 145 pounds. He said he's not sure if it was all ball but it was a lot of that. Gary said that he was a very nice guy too and he was really feeling for him. Jon asked how doctors let that guy walk away. Benjy said they all let him walk away. Gary said they're not doctors but they are trying to help him.
Jon said that a doctor's job is to medically heal someone. He said that letting them walk away is kind of strange. Benjy said you'd think there would be a doctor out there who would want to help. Gary said that this is the kind of thing that Obama could use to get his health care plan through. He said this is what's wrong with the system because no one is helping this guy.
Jon said that Will had an uncontrollable reaction to the sight of it. Gary said that it was very disturbing to look at and your first reaction is to laugh but then you realize it's stuck to the guy. Benjy said seeing it in person was shocking. He said it looks like a sea creature. He said he laughed but then he realized that he's stuck with it every day.
Gary said that they've had some startling things on the show and this shot straight to the top of the list for most startling.
Jon said Gary asked if it was okay to usher him out the other door. John ended up sticking around for a while so some other people could check him out. They had Dr. Billy come in and say that it really sucks. Gary said that he was kind of brushing it off because he doesn't have much experience with that kind of thing.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Gary came off as a dick when he tried to scoot him out the back door. Gary agreed. He didn't argue with the guy about that. Gary said he didn't feel bad either.
Jon asked Sal if he saw it. Sal said he had enough to deal with and he didn't want that to throw him off. Jon said he heard that Richard was fascinated by it. Sal said he wanted to do things like lifting it and doing a tea bagging event and things like that. Gary said when they actually saw the ball they were afraid of suffocation. He said they were going to do a chocolate bandit mask thing but they decided against it.
Benjy asked if they shook his hand. Gary said he didn't. Benjy said he did but he washed his hands with that Purell stuff. He said he was afraid he'd come in the next day with giant balls. Gary said that he would not shake the hands of anyone who touched their balls. He said that's what John was doing so he didn't shake it. He said if John Stamos had his hands down his pants he wouldn't shake his hand either. They had to end the show a short time later.
Robin's Night Out With Some Strippers. 9/15/97. 6:10am
Robin had a hell of a weekend. She told a story about going to a male strip club with some stripper friends of hers. It was a party of some sort and Robin said it changed her life. Robin somehow got invited out with some female strippers to this male strip club. At one point during the party they were measuring some guys penis. He had 14 inches to show off. The club was called Wild, Wild West and I'm guessing that it's in New York City. I don't know exactly how this changed Robin's life. Maybe we'll hear more about it in the future.
Howard said he would love to have his wife be with a woman. He didn't think that was going to happen though. The caller asked what a Yenta was. Howard said it's a woman who asks too many questions. Howard told her it was an Italian word. The caller said she didn't know that.
Howard asked the caller who she finds attractive. She said she goes for personality. Howard asked what she likes. She said that it's guys who turn her on with what they say.
Howard asked the caller what kind of speakers she had in her house. She said she had Bose. Howard told her to squat on the speaker and he'd turn her on with his voice. The woman said that she didn't think it would reach. Howard told her to turn it up really loud but she said she has neighbors. Howard said this might take a little while before he starts to feel it. Howard started making deep sounds with his voice and told her the delay is going to take a while to catch up. She kept saying it wasn't going to work but Howard kept going with the low sounds trying to vibrate her with the loud speaker. Howard said 70 seconds was a long time to wait for it to catch up.
The caller told Howard he might have to go lower. Howard kept going making his sounds. The woman wasn't getting into it so Howard said she was a dopey broad. He said these women are nuts. He said he just found out what an annoying Yenta is. He just spent 70 seconds doing that and then she turns it off saying she has to go take a shower. He told her not to call in again.
Jeff The Drunk Explains The Stains. 9/15/03. 10:00am
After the break Howard said Jeff Curro was nice enough to come in to take High Pitch Erik's place in this game and they weren't sure what was going on in his underwear. Howard said Erik is dead to him now since he backed out of the contest. Howard said he was going to allow Jeff to come back into the studio as long as he stayed calm. He had another beer in his hand. Howard asked him not to curse anymore or he'd have to kick him out again. Howard said that Jeff was very nice for coming in to allow them to use his ass as a dinner plate. Howard said everyone was surprised to see what they saw in his ass earlier. He said that's no reason for Jeff to get upset with them though. Howard asked him why he got so upset with them for seeing something that was there. Jeff said that he has a ''friggin blister'' on his ass and what they saw was blood. He said it was nothing and he didn't mess his pants. Howard showed him a replay of what they saw from the E! guys. Jeff was still insisting that it was blood but Howard said he shouldn't have blood or anything like that back there.
KC said that Jeff wanted to perform Johnny Cash's song ''I Walked the Line'' as a tribute to him. Howard played the music bed for Jeff and he performed the song Karaoke style. Howard let him sing for a minute or so before cutting him off. Jeff then told Howard to play ''Number 9 or number 13'' on the CD he had. Howard played one and Jeff started to sing some more songs. Howard cut him off again and Jeff dropped his beer on the studio floor. Howard told him to take care of that bloody ass of his because it might be an indicator of color cancer or something like that. Jeff said it wasn't coming out of his ''a-hole'' though.
Audio Clips, News Stories And More. 09/15/09. 8:05am
Howard read some email about Artie's Ed Torian impression. He said that people really like it. One guy said that he tried talking like that during the day and it hurt his voice. Artie has no problem speaking like that because he already has that gravely voice.
Howard said Sal and Richard got Ed to sing some songs while he was there yesterday. He played a clip of Ed singing ''Boom Boom Pow.'' Howard said they tried to get him to sing the ''Can a Nigga Get a Table Dance'' song but Ed had some trouble singing that fast. He played an example of that and Artie got a laugh out of that. Howard said that's a hard song to sing.
Howard said the guys got Ed to do some other stuff like ''Can I taste you juice'' clip and ''Droppin' loads all over your glasses'' and things like that.
Gary came in and said that he just broke his Water Pik and he had to get a new one. He had a defective one. Howard asked what this thing does. Gary said you stick it under your gums and it has water and peroxide in it. He said that it cleans under your gums. Howard said he had never done that before. Gary said he had to have used one before. Howard said his teeth are great so he doesn't have to do that.
Howard asked Gary how he does this. Gary explained how he flosses for a few seconds first. Then he has a little shot glass with baking soda in it. He uses an eye dropper with peroxide to make a paste. He brushes with that and rinses. Gary said he then takes 5 ounces of peroxide and mixes it with water and puts it in the Water Pik.
Howard said he would suggest that he doesn't know how to clean his teeth. He said these things are a waste of time. Howard said the rotating tooth brushes are a waste of time and so is a Water Pik. Howard told him to get his dentist on the phone to ask him about it.
Howard went to break a short time later. He said that Gary tried calling his dentist but he wasn't able to come to the phone. Gary said he wanted to make a point there. He said that it's not ridiculous to use a Water Pik. Howard said that he's using so many different things though. Gary said his teeth are fine and he has to stay on top of his gums. He said it gets the dirt out from underneath his gums. Howard asked what kind of dirt he has in there.
Howard said Gary has something going on in his mouth that no one else has. Gary said he was at the dentist yesterday. Howard cut him off and said ''Again!?'' Howard said this is like the third Water Pik that Gary has had too. Gary said he's had 4 or 5 in the past 6 years. He uses it every day.
Howard said he's not sure what Gary is doing to that thing. Gary said he uses it a lot and he travels with it too. Howard asked if he's blow drying his teeth with it too.
Howard took a call from a guy who claimed to be a dentist. The dentist told Howard he was right. Gary asked where he got his diploma. The guy said he got it at Temple University. Howard said that Gary doesn't need that thing. Gary argued that he does. Howard said he guarantees that he doesn't need to use that thing on his gums. The dentist agreed. He said that flossing is better than a Water Pik. Gary said he uses Stimudent too. The Dentist said that's fine but proper brushing is fine. Howard said he doesn't understand why he has to fight him on this. Howard said he really doesn't care. He suggested that he hire 4 midgets to wash his mouth out every night.
Gary asked Howard what he should be doing. Howard told him to sit there at night and massage his gums with his toothbrush. He showed him how to do that. Robin asked what kind of brush to use. Howard said he uses a Oral B brush. Gary said that's what he uses. Howard said Gary uses Oral A through Z. He said anything Gary uses isn't an endorsement. Howard said that he doesn't even need toothpaste. He said if he wants to wet the brush that's fine. Howard said he could use a garage broom if he really wants to.
Howard told Gary he has to do a nice job with the brushing. Howard said he needs to do it for like 10-15 minutes at first and work his way down to 5 minutes. He said that it'll feel like he they do after going to the dentist.
Gary was walking out and John followed. Gary stopped and John ran into him and then Gary hit him in the nuts. Howard said Gary refuses to listen to him but then a dentist will call in and back him up and Gary will still ignore him. Howard said his teeth are in great shape and Gary's are not. Howard said it's no wonder Gary is so thick witted. He must be swallowing the peroxide that he's spraying in there.
Mark Harris Comes In. 9/15/99. 9:20am
The always annoying Mark Harris, who was married to Martha Raye for 3 years, came in this morning. Gary recently read the book ''Take It from the Big Mouth : The Life of Martha Raye'' and thought it would be interesting to ask Mark about some of things that are said about him in the book. Gary had a bunch of questions for Mark and he denied most of the stuff that was said about him in the book. In the book they claim that Mark only knew Martha for 9 days before they got married but he claimed that it was 21 days.. big difference. There were a lot of other things in there that Mark denied but it was all nonsense. Mark managed to plug some appearances he's making next month. He's doing some kind of tribute to Martha Raye at the L.A. Cabaret on October 9. Mark also said you can e-mail him at HarrisSite@aol.com and his web site MarkHarris.com will be up in January of 2000.
Captain Janks Argues With Ex-Lover Marty. 9/15/97. 7:40am
Howard had a woman on the phone this morning who was complaining about Captain Janks. She let Janks stay at her house for a couple of months while he was out in Cleveland. Howard put the two of them on the phone together so he could find out what happened. This woman, Marty, met Janks at the movie premiere out in Cleveland and hooked up with Janks. They were together for a short period of time and even slept together. Janks was very defensive from the beginning of the call. He never let up either. He kept calling her fat and making fun of her Cleveland accent non stop. He said that when he had sex with her he wouldn't do it in the light. He'd only do it in the dark. Then Janks said that after he left she had a foursome with some guys which included Kenneth Keith Kallenbach. Howard tried getting Kenneth on the phone but his voice never came through because the delay button kept getting hit for some reason. Janks also said that he's going to send video of her having sex to Howard and Marty's dying father. Marty claims that Janks owes her money for phone bills that he rang up during his stay. He said that he sent money to her but she claims it wasn't enough. Howard just can't understand why Janks can't keep a woman. He can't keep a job either. I've learned one thing from all of this, don't get on Janks' bad side..
Supermodel Paulina Porizkova Comes In. 9/15/00. 8:15am
Supermodel Paulina Porizkova came in this morning to promote a show she's doing for the Style Network from September 18-23. Howard said that he read that Paulina went to a speech therapist to get rid of her accent. She claims that she never did that, it was just being married to an American that helped her get rid of the accent she had. She said that she did use a speech coach to help her get an accent back for the movie ''Her Alibi'' that she wasn't so proud of. Howard questioned Paulina about her modeling career and how much money she made. He heard that she made like $6.5 million a year on one advertising campaign for Este Lauder but she said it wasn't that much. She said that might have been the total she made over the years but it wasn't a per-year amount. Howard also spoke to her about her husband Ric Ocasek who used to be in The Cars. He's now producing other bands such as Weezer and Nada Surf. Paulina said he's kind of a recluse and doesn't like to be out in public much. She said that the two of them take turns taking care of their kids. When she works, he takes care of the kids and vice versa. Howard noticed that Paulina wasn't wearing a bra and let her know that he was thankful for that.
Howard also read that Paulina was picked as one of the smartest models ever. He wanted to see just how smart she was so he asked her a couple of questions. He asked her what C.O.D. meant and she didn't know. He asked her what the ''Manhattan Project'' was.. She didn't know. She did know that Ascorbic acid is Vitamin C though.
Howard also took a bunch of phone calls for her but most of them were just goofs. He also let her know that he's planning on going to this Betsy Johnson fashion show next week and wanted her opinion on what the women might think of him. He thinks they'll think he's a loser for going to the shows to watch the models. Paulina doesn't think they'll react in that way as long as he's not standing there drooling over the women. She did advise Howard to stay toward the back of the audience and wear dark glasses to keep a low profile though.
In the clip Howard had broadcaster Jean Ishnard come in. Howard and Jean talked about what he does over in France. Jean is the director de antenna which means he's a DJ. Howard asked if he was a program director. Jean said he's not. He asked Howard if he speaks French. Howard said he doesn't and went on to tell him what he thinks of the French. He told Jean how they were Nazi sympathizers and how they did whatever they were told to do by the Nazis. Howard said America is the greatest country in the world. He said they do nice things for the French and they don't appreciate it. He said that they pee on them for doing nice things.
Howard said we put up Euro Disney over there and they treated it like crap. Jean said that it did not work in France. Howard said they do everything for their people and they treat them like that. Jean said that they do good things for American people too. They give them good wine. Howard said he would go over there and pee on the Eiffel Tower if he was over there. Robin said she was treated just fine when she was over there.
Howard said he saw Jean laugh when he said that America is the greatest. He said the French only care about the French. Howard said they laugh at us and we should never help them ever again. He said they have their own army so they should be left to be on their own.
Howard said he wants Jean to get on the radio and tell them what his message is. Jean wanted Howard to come over there and tell it himself. Howard said he won't leave this great country. He said that they want him to look at their bridges and things like that but we have great bridges right here in this country.
Howard said that Jean is actually John here. He said John is more masculine. He asked Jean if he's married. Jean said he's not yet.
Howard asked Jean if he has a morning zoo over there in France. Jean said they have girls tell erotic stories and things like that on their show. Howard said if they have a morning zoo they should get rid of that.
Gary told Howard that Jean told him that he pays the bills in the afternoons at the station. Jean said that they actually have a contest they play where they pay listener's bills. Howard said that Gary is confused by regular English so he must be confused by this whole thing.
Howard told Jean that he's the biggest broadcaster in the world. He said he's going to give him the opportunity to ask him just one question. Jean said he has too many. Howard said he blew his chance then. Howard let him go a short time later. After he left Howard said he really hates the French.
Howard and the caller spent a couple of minutes talking about body hair. Howard said that he hates it. The caller said he hates it too and he'd like to get it removed. Howard said he has hair in weird places. Howard said he's just glad he has hair on his head. He said Scott the Engineer has it all over his body except on his head. Howard said he must hate that. He said he feels bad for the guy. He has hair everywhere else except on his head. Howard said he wants to know why people have to suffer like that. He said it's such a cruel thing. He has hair everywhere except his head. Howard said Scott looked great with hair too.
Howard said he wishes he could interview Andre Agassi about his hair removal. Howard said he had it all over his body and now it appears to be gone. He still has some on his chest but it appears to be cut down. Howard said he has an ugly head too so he's not sure why he did that to his head.
Howard said he has to thank God, if there is one, for his hair. He said that he has also fallen for Mike Gange and he started to talk about what he loves about Gange. Howard said his voice is so attractive. Howard said Mike is going bald too. He's another one who is hairy all over. Mike came in so Howard and Fred started goofing on him. They were doing their impressions of his scratchy voice as they talked about the stuff he tells them about when he comes in the studio every day.
Howard said Gange is losing a lot of hair. He asked him to take his headphones off and show it. Howard said it was just about gone. He said he had nice hair until this year. Gange said that it was this year that it started going away. He said he's not sure what happened. Howard said he can't believe Gange is going to be bald. His kids will never know he had hair. Howard said his dad used to have slicked back hair and it was really nice. He started losing his in high school. Howard said when he was in the army he had slicked back black hair.
Howard asked Gange what he's going to do if he goes bald. Gange said he'd shave it. Howard said that's the best thing to do. Gange said he doesn't want to do the do-lap thing with his hair. Howard said he couldn't even do that with his hair. Gange said he has full hair on his chest and legs and now it's leaving his head. Howard told him to get out of there after that.
Howard wrapped up with the caller and took another call. The caller said sometimes he likes Howard but other times he thinks that he's the biggest hypocrite. He said that he surrounds himself with idiots and then thinks that he's a genius. Howard said he really doesn't think he's a genius. The caller said Howard picks on Jackie and he can't fight back. He has the other guys there and Howard is really nothing. He told Howard he has to start kissing the listener's butts because they made him. Howard told him that he didn't make anyone and hung up on him. He said that must have been Rick Dees on the phone. He said it was jealousy.
Ray's Choice. 09/15/04. 10:10am
During the news the guys were talking about making a choice to save someone in their family as if it were a ''Sophie's Choice'' decision. Howard, Artie and Benjy all said that they would probably save their mother's over their father's if they had to make the choice. There were a few other discussions about brothers and sisters being saved. Howard was wondering who his mother would save between him and his sister Ellen. He had Gary make the call to his mother so he could ask her the question. While they waited for that call to come through, Robin read through some news.
Howard's mother Ray was on the phone a short time later. She was having trouble hearing him on their phone system. She got on a different phone and was able to hear a little better. Howard then told his mother that the Nazi's had just invaded and she has to make a decision about saving one of her two kids. One had to go to the gas chamber. If she couldn't make the decision, they'd both be sent to the gas chamber. Mrs. Stern said ''How dare you call and ask me that question...'' She didn't want to be any part of that and it was a very depressing thing to do. Howard asked her to just play along with it. Howard told Robin that he thinks if his sister had to save one of their parents, Ellen would pick her father. Howard would pick his mother. He told his mom that he loves her more than her father and he thinks Ellen loves their father more.
Howard told his mother about a story that Robin had read that led to this discussion. A Chechen mother was forced to make a decision like that and chose to save her son. The daughter ended up living so she has to live with that choice now. Howard's mother didn't want to think about this stuff anymore and told Howard that she's very upset with him for asking her such a question. She got off the phone a short time later.
At one point in the conversation Ray told Howard to ''Put that in your pipe and smoke it.'' He didn't get the reference and wondered what she wanted him to put in his pipe to smoke. Her words? She has said that in the past so Fred played and audio clip of her saying it in another phone call. Howard had Robin get back to her news for a short time.
In the clip Howard was in the middle of an F-Emmy show and had David Lee Roth come up for a visit. David came in and told Howard a story about why he would wear glasses in all of his videos and how that led to him getting awards from all over the world after doing that. He said he hadn't won anything until that happened.
Howard and David talked about how MTV is changing. Howard said he likes to tune in and see hot chicks in the videos but they don't do that these days. Howard said that's what Rock and Roll was all about.
Howard asked David about meeting Heidi Fleiss and how he got caught up in that whole thing. David said that Heidi was a great person. He said that she had something about her that showed she had hung out in a variety of places and she had stories. Howard asked if he ever did any of the whores. David said he knew one of the gals from way in advance. He said he met her at a sporting goods store. He said he spoke to her there and she told him what she was doing at this strip club. He said 4 weeks later he saw her on the TV set.
Howard said he never knows what Dave said after he comes in. Howard said that he has no idea what he's talking about today. Howard said they don't know if he had sex with Heidi Fleiss or not.
Howard asked Dave if he still smokes pot. Dave said he might do that sometimes. Howard said he needs to smoke it to mellow him out a bit. He said even Jackie gets mellowed out after he smokes.
Howard and David talked about Van Halen a bit and Dave said he really doesn't care about going back to the band or not. Howard said that David is still getting huge royalty checks from the band so that's what counts.
Gary came in and asked who is going to get on stage when they get inducted into the Rock and Roll hall of fame. David said that he would go there no problem. David said that it's an easy thing to do for him. He doesn't want to slug it out. He said they're not boxers, they're musicians. They wrapped up a short time later.
Malika told Howard she's going to court today to try and get this kid who killed Sam put away. Howard said he doesn't think anything will happen to the kid. Howard said they're all against drunk driving and this kid killed someone but nothing will happen to him.
Howard asked Malika why she didn't appear at the latest tribute for Sam. She had some explanation about how they told her she would be cut out of it even if she did appear on it.
Howard said he would like to get Bill Kinison on the phone to straighten this whole thing out. Malika said that she didn't want talk to him. Gary said he tried to call him but got his machine.
Howard said he had Bill on the phone. He picked up on Bill and said that he wanted to get the two of them together. Howard said as a friend of Sam's he knows he loves his brother and he loved his wife. Howard said they can't be at each other's throats. Bill said he didn't know they were. Howard said this is all falling apart and that's not good. Howard said that Malika wasn't able to get back stage passes. Bill said that he didn't know that. Malika said Bill can never hear her. Bill kept saying hello and said that he can't hear anybody. Bill said he'd call back and try again.
Howard had Bill back on the phone and this time he could hear. Howard told the two of them that they have to work together to get this killer put away. Bill said he's not sure what the problem is between him and Malika. Malika said that she had a problem with the tribute to her husband. She said she had seats in the back and she had some issues with the way the whole thing was handled. She said she had an invitation that was given out to some people and she wasn't sure why she wasn't told about that. Bill said they were corporate tickets and they canceled the dinner. He said they were never on sale. Malika said she never even got a ticket. Bill said that he sent her 15 of them. Malika said that she was talking about the dinners. Bill said that there were no dinners.
Howard asked Bill what was going on. Bill said that Malika was treated like royalty. He said that there was a press room at the venue and Malika is asking about back stage passes for something that didn't exist. Bill said he didn't talk to Malika about any of this and she's claiming she did. Malika said that she did speak to Bill and he's denying it now. The two of them went back and forth like this for a couple of minutes. Howard worked with Bill and Malika for a few more minutes and got things settled.
Flavor Flav And Brigitte Nielsen. 09/15/04. 7:40am
After the break Howard brought in Flavor Flav and Brigitte Nielsen who are starring in ''The Surreal Life'' this season. Howard has been watching the show this season and it's been really good. Brigitte was a little upset that Howard was calling her fat earlier this morning but she was happy to see Howard anyway. Flavor was on fire when he got on. He thanked Howard for putting him in his movie ''Private Parts'' and then went off on the FCC for a few seconds. He was all over the place after that. Howard tried to calm things down by explaining what ''The Surreal Life'' is all about. He carefully described it as being a show where they have stars whose better days have passed them by already. Flavor said that's not true in his case of course.
Some of the other people on ''The Surreal Life'' include Charro, Ryan Starr, Dave Coulier and others. Howard said he was surprised to see Dave Coulier on the show because the ''Full House'' money has to be enough to live on for him. Howard went on to talk to Brigitte about the amount of money she got from Sylvester Stallone. Howard thought she got about $6 million from him but she says that it was a lot less than that. She took the job on ''The Surreal Life'' for the experience of meeting more people that she didn't know. Howard told her that she is the star of the show this year. She takes off her clothing and she's really not in the best shape of her life. She looks good, but she's not in the best shape. She's 41 years old and has four kids so she thinks she looks pretty good for someone like that. Brigitte said that she's proud of her body and doesn't mind showing it.
In the first episode Howard said that Brigitte was drunk and passed out. She said that she just likes to sleep and it had nothing to do with the drinking. Howard noticed that she took an interest in Flavor Flav when she was in the house so Howard asked her about that. He thought that the two of them had sex in the house on ''The Surreal Life'' but they both said that was not true. Flavor said that they were just chillin' together. Howard asked them if they got to third base if they didn't have sex. Howard pointed out that it was on the TV show though. Brigitte said that she put a stop to it before it went that far. Her boyfriend was sitting out in the green room so this may have had something to do with them keeping it quiet. Howard heard that Flavor and Brigitte spent a weekend in a hotel room together as well. Brigitte said that he did not penetrate her and he was a gentleman to her.
Howard asked Brigitte about how she was able to get Sylvester Stallone. She told Howard that it wasn't true that he kept sending him pictures like he thought. She explained how she was in town when he was shooting a movie and she knew that she wanted to get to know him. She did type him a letter and sent a picture along with the letter. He came right over after getting the letter. They did not have sex the first night though. She had just finished the movie ''Red Sonja'' so she had red hair at the time. She claims that she waited a month and a half before having sex with him. Flavor was asking her when they could have sex after that. Brigitte told Howard that she has a gag order on her about some of that stuff so Howard would have to ask him about the stuff he was asking about.
Howard wondered who drove who crazy in that marriage. It only lasted 19 months from what Howard read. Flavor Flav said he had never seen any of Brigitte's movies so he had no idea who she was when he met her. Howard said he saw Flavor feel up Brigitte on their show. They both confirmed that was true. They never had sex though.
Howard pointed out that Brigitte has a bit of a belly so she told him that she's pregnant. Howard couldn't believe that because she's got a bunch of kids already. Howard went on to read some of the notes he had on Brigitte. There were some notes about her abandoning her first child to pursue her acting career. She said that was not quite true but she did go in for a part shortly after having her first child. She lived with Mark Gastineau for a while. Howard asked her about that and found out that they had a son together but Mark doesn't see the kid much.
Howard asked to see Brigitte's bra and panties so she gave them a flash. Brigitte then asked Howard to ask her an interesting question because, so far, he wasn't doing a good job. Howard thought he was doing just fine though. She asked him if he was ready for her. Howard told her that he'd toss her salad and he was ready for her. He then asked her about her boyfriend. They spent a minute on him before getting back to Flavor Flav.
Howard asked Flavor Flav if he's off of drugs and clean right now. Flav said he is clean so they spent a minute on that. Howard wondered how many times he ended up in jail because of drugs. He said that never happened, he went to jail for being stupid. Flavor said that Howard brought up how Brigitte had slapped him during ''The Surreal Life'' but he slapped her right back. The two of them were talking all over each other at this point. Howard wondered if Brigitte gave oral to Flavor. When he asked that, Flavor had a smile on his face so Howard figured she had done that. They both denied it and Flavor said that he was smiling because he was on the air with Howard Stern.
Howard took a call from Sal the Stockbroker (HorseToothJackass.com) who was pretending to be Mark Gastineau. He told Brigitte that she was a ''nig*er loving whore'' and also called Flavor Flav ''Nigga Flav'' before Howard hung up on him. Zolar called in and said he used to smoke weed with Flavor back in the day. Flavor said he hasn't smoked weed since the days when Star Wars was out.
Howard heard that Flavor was double booked on Jimmy Kimmel's show and The Late Late Show so Howard wondered how he was going to make that work. Flavor said that he can do it and he'll figure out a way to make it happen. Dominic Barbara called in and said that Flavor hasn't been paying his bills lately and he's now the lawyer for his baby's mother. He told Flavor that he's going to put Flavor in a new house in Nassau County soon. He was talking about jail of course.
Brigitte said she wanted her boyfriend in the studio because she didn't like the call they got earlier that was insulting to her. She wanted him to come in to comfort her. Howard asked her to let them feel her boobs first. She did let Flavor feel them up for a few seconds but Howard was a different story. She wanted her boyfriend in and Howard wasn't going to let him in until he could feel her up. She wouldn't let him do that so Howard kept her boyfriend out.
Chaunce Hayden called in and asked Brigitte if she turned down a million bucks to spend a night with an Arab prince. She said that was not true. She would have done it if that was the case. Chaunce then asked her if she had cancer at one point in her life. She had uterine cancer when she was 26 years old. She had surgery and had it removed. Chaunce had one other question about her being booked on a flight one time and it crashed. She had canceled the flight because she had other things going on so that saved her life.
High Pitch Erik called in and asked Flavor Flav if he wanted to go out for some fried chicken and watermelon with him. Howard hung up on him, took a call from a fan of Flav's and then started to wrap up the interview. Flavor went a little nuts when he started to ask about letting him shoot some of his documentary in his studio. Brigitte started to sing a song over him and didn't let him talk to Howard. The two of them were talking over each other again so Howard tried to cut them off and brought in Brigitte's boyfriend. He spoke to him a little bit but he didn't have a lot to say. He asked Brigitte if she wanted to marry him. She said yes to him and asked him if he was serious. Brigitte got up and went over to her boyfriend and asked when they were going to marry. He told them it would be the first of July, 2006.
We found out that Brigitte had slept with Arnold Schwarzenegger when all of this was going on. Brigitte said that she's very happy with her boyfriend and the two of them kissed as Howard tried to end the interview again. Flavor told Howard he's got a solo album coming soon. Howard told him to come back when it comes out so they can talk about that.
Today's This Date in Howard History was over around 10:55am.