|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard and the guys were back from vacation today. Howard started the show talking about how he wasn't looking forward to coming back. He said he is there though. Robin asked if he should be disclosing that. Howard said he knows the fans are angry whenever they have time off. He said they've always taken the last two weeks in august off. Robin corrected him and said they haven't always done that. Howard said they do now. Howard said they do have less shows now but they are there today. Robin said the fans should take advantage of when they're off.
Howard said a lot has happened while they were off. They had an earthquake and a hurricane while they were off. Robin said they had to be evacuated. Howard said they have 3 cats and a dog now so they were going to go to Vermont but it's a good thing they didn't. They got hit the hardest by the hurricane.
Howard said Gary was very phlegmy this morning. He said he was extra phlegmy today and he doesn't like to clear his throat in front of him so he tries to do it quietly. He doesn't seem to unload until he gets there. Then he lets him have it. Gary said he's fine now. Gary said it's Howard staring at him for 20 minutes that does it to him. He said it makes him crazy knowing that Howard is going to do this to him in the morning.
Howard wondered if Jon Hein and JD notice it when they're in there. JD came in and said he did hear Gary come out and clear his throat. He laughed when he told Howard what he heard. Howard said it is disgusting. He was laughing too.
Howard said he knows it's natural to have that but Gary should leave the studio to clear his throat. Gary said he'll do that if he really wants him to. Howard said he thinks he'd prefer that.
Howard got back to the evacuation story. He said they were evacuated because of the fear of flooding and he wanted to lave the pets behind. Howard said they were about to leave for Vermont and then he checked the weather and saw it was in the trajectory of the hurricane. He said that he didn't know where he wanted to go. He was going to go to his parent's house but she doesn't like pets in her house. Howard said he thought about that and then he did his impression of his mother saying that pets don't belong in the house. Howard said he could put them in a cage at their house if they had to go there. Howard said he didn't know what to do. Beth suggested they go to Pittsburgh. Howard said he spent 3 days in Pittsburgh and they had some fun. Beth's parents weren't there the while time. They were going out on a trip so they weren't around.
Howard said they took the pets out there to Pittsburgh. Robin said Howard had never been out there. Howard said it was Beth who didn't want him to go. He said he'd ask and she'd say no. Howard said they went to some pet place out there and to a couple of restaurants. Howard said they went out to eat with Beth's parents one night and the waiter press released it. Howard said it was worse than New York. He said he thought it was kind of mellow out there. Howard said the waiter let it leak about what he ate and what he tipped and all of that. Howard said he liked the food out there too. He said he won't be going back but he did enjoy it.
Howard said he's not a food snob like his mom is. He said she thinks the best food is there in New York. Howard said the food was great out in Detroit when he was living there. Howard said he isn't like his mother.
Howard said that they flew out to Pittsburgh and they brought the pets. He said the flight was a very expensive one because they didn't put the pets in the hold. They had them with them. Howard said that things were kind of crazy in Pittsburgh. They didn't have kitty litter and no car to get around in. He said that they eventually got a car and he had no idea where he was going. He said they had no kitty litter but they eventually did. Howard said they told Beth's parents to stay away so they could get set up out there.
Howard asked Robin what Noah's ark must have been like with all of the shit. He said that he can't imagine what a mess that was. Howard told Robin some stories about Noah's ark that he knew about. He said the oil that burned for 8 days is from olives. Robin said she had no idea. Howard said that's what someone told him.
Andy was signing about how Hitler was looking for the Jews and he goes on and on singing ''the Jews'' over and over. Howard said no one is looking for Andy. He said he's the guy out to get himself. Howard said the guy can't get off drugs and he's a retard. Howard said people don't want to be around him.
Howard said Andy sings about Hitler being after the Jews but Hitler got his. Howard said it's always a happy ending when you watch the History Channel when they cover World War II.
Howard said Sal went up to Harlem and asked the people there who they think caused the earthquakes. He said a lot of them think the Jews caused them. Howard said the whole thing is crazy.
Howard played some of Sal's interviews and some people said it was the Jews causing the problems. A woman said it was the whites. Sal asked why the North Koreans never suffer from natural disasters. Some of the people were saying that they're smart so they don't suffer.
Howard said these people are wacky. He played more of the interviews Sal did and the people of Harlem were asked about the name of the hurricane and if they think it's racist naming it ''Katrina'' because it could be a black name. Some of the people said that it is racist and white people name everything.
Sal asked what's worse, gay marriage or earthquakes. One guy said it was gay marriage and he would rather go through and earthquake than a dick in the ass.
Howard said that he had 2 weeks off and when his alarm went off this morning he felt like he didn't have any time off at all.
Howard said his friend John fixed his parents house because they were having some issues with water getting in the basement. Howard said he was worried that the hurricane was going to flood it. He said that they had no water in the basement. Howard said he knows his parents would have blamed him if they did get water in there. Howard said they thought it was a miracle. He said that it's not a miracle, it's science. Howard did his impression of his mother talking about the work they did and how amazing it was. Robin said that makes Howard a hero. Howard said he had such agita. He said that he goes through so much stress because everything becomes his problem in his family. Robin said that he puts it on himself though. Howard said he knows that and his therapist tells him not to. Howard said he lives in fear of the bad mouthing.
Howard imagined his mother telling everyone that they had to go to square one. Robin asked how they dealt with the power being off. Howard said they didn't care because they didn't have water in the basement. Howard said it was the worst when they lost power in the winter.
Howard said he talked to his parents about leaving their house that winter. He said his mother was in the car for 2 and a half hours and didn't take her coat off. She had to show him how cold she was. Howard said she was still showing him how cold she was at her house. Howard said that they came to his house and his place is like 100 degrees. Howard said she finally took her coat off after eating and having some soup. Howard said she started calling her neighbors to find out if the power was back on. They were calling every half hour.
Howard said when the power did come back on his mother was yelling ''Ben! The power is on!'' He said they had to rush home even though it would take time for the heat to come back. Howard did his impression of his mother for a minute.
Robin asked if Howard thinks the weatherman made too big of a deal about the hurricane. Howard said he knows this guy John Bolaris and he's the reason he evacuated. Howard said that the guy was saying the water could be up to the doorway. He said the guy had him so worked up. He said now the guy is upset that people are saying that they were exaggerating the whole thing.
Robin said they were saying that the wind was going to blow windows out of the buildings there in New York City. Howard said he was fucked if he had stayed at his house or in the city. He said that's why he went to Pittsburgh. Howard said he had nowhere to go because he has no friends. Howard said his sister didn't call and his parents didn't even call. Howard said everyone assumes that he's taken care of. He said he's really not taken care of.
Robin said that Captain Dennis took her boats out of the water because of the storm. She said he was getting everything protected while she was away. Robin said she had to drive out to Pittsburgh to catch a flight out to Los Angeles.
The caller told a story about his mother dying during the storm. She just didn't wake up one morning. Howard said that's what happens when you die. The caller said she was only 67. He said that he wishes that hadn't happened because his father is a mess now. He wants to get rid of the dog they had.
Howard said he has to talk to this caller. Howard said they got this cat Leon, formerly Leo, who was unadoptable. Howard said you find out the back stories on these animals and it's sad. He said this cat was the nicest cat. He said the owner died and the family threw it away to a shelter. He said this cat was in Alabama and they were going to kill the fucking thing. He said it was the mother's best friend and there must be someone to give it to. Howard said they shouldn't send it to a shelter. The caller, Brian, said he took the dog in actually. Howard asked why his father can't take it in. Brian said that the dog reminds him of his mother. Howard said that people are such fucking nut jobs. Howard said people don't handle their problems.
Howard said that they just got the cat in working order. He said that some people say their pets are their friends but they dump them at shelters. Howard said that they should find a friend to take it in instead. Howard said they seem to think they're sending the cat to a spa or something. He said a shelter is the last resort. Howard said Brian should tell his father that this is something his mother loved and he should keep the dog. Howard said he should talk to some people to get through his depression.
Howard told Brian that it's better to keep the dog at his apartment than send it to a shelter. Brian wasn't sure what to do with it.
Robin said she read about this woman who saves animals from puppy mills out in Pennsylvania. Howard said there was a picture in the paper a few weeks ago where a dog was laying next to the funeral home of the owner. He said the dog knew the owner was in there. He said it was the saddest picture. He said that the guy was a military guy and he was killed while serving the country. Howard said the guy's mother died and now they want to take the dog away from the family.
Howard said that Brian's dad should keep the dog and maybe he'll meet some people out while he's walking the thing. Brian said that his dad is thinking about getting a cat. Howard flipped out and said that if he gets a cat he should be sent to jail. Howard said the guy can't take care of shit. He said he knows a lot of people who do that. They can't take care of things and they think getting a different type of pet will be the right thing. Brian said Howard kind of hit the nail on the head. Howard told Brian to tell his old man to pull his shit together. Howard kept telling Brian that he should tell his father to get his shit together and keep the dog.
Howard said there's a movie coming out called ''Machine Gun Preacher'' that he saw. He said that this movie studio took a chance and sent him a copy. Howard said this guy was a hard core biker and he was a big mess. He said the guy found Jesus and he decided to help the children of Uganda. Howard said the story is true and the guy is a living saint. Howard said the movie was well acted and it was good. Howard said he's giving the movie a big thumbs up. Howard said Beth was raving about it too. Howard said they didn't like the name of the movie though. Howard said some people can step up under any circumstance and then there's people who can't even take care of a dog.
Howard said that this guy gave up his whole life to help the children of Uganda. Howard asked Brian why his father can't even take care of this dog his mother loved. He said the first thing he does in grieving is kick the dog out of the house. Howard said he should pull his shit together. Brian said he's not sure he can talk to his father like that right now. Howard told him to just do it.
Howard asked what the dog's name is. It's Jethro. Brian said the dog is the greatest dog in the world. Howard said that's what everyone says when they give their dog to the shelter. He said Brian is thinking of getting rid of Jethro. Brian said he's not but he thinks it would be happier in a bigger house. Howard said the dog is fine at his house. Howard said the dog isn't going to tell anyone that it's happier somewhere else. Brian said he's going to keep it then. Howard said this guy mumbles a lot.
Howard said that a nice way to honor his mother would be for his father to keep that dog. Howard said his father would probably give him up for adoption if he was younger. Howard asked if his father is dating. Brian said he isn't yet. Howard said he needs someone to take care of that dog.
Howard said this guy's father probably can't do anything for himself. Howard said that Brian should cherish the dog because his mother loved him. Brian said the dog is great. Howard said the dog is easy enough. Howard let Brian go a short time later. He said he was kind of mumbling so he was hard to talk to.
Howard said there was a guy on Bachelor Pad who talked like that. Howard said he just got started with that show. He's keeping up with True Blood though. He said he loves that show. Robin said that she doesn't like that everyone has powers on that show. Howard said he loves vampires. He said he would like to see more vampire stuff on the show. Robin said in the books they say that Bill Compton is a bad ass and he's not recognizable. Howard said he's not reading the books so whatever.
Wheels asked Howard about David Arquette going on Dancing with the Stars. Howard said David asked him if he should do it. Howard said it was difficult to answer. Howard said that Beth turned it down. He said you know that things are bad in your career when you do that show. Howard said David asked him if he should do it and his first thought was not to do it. Howard said David has this whole thing going on with Courteney and it could help his career. Howard said Steve Gutenberg went on the show and no one cared. He said it worked for Mario Lopez and Kirstie Alley though. Howard said he told David that it might work for him too. He said that David dances and he might do okay on the show.
Howard said he told David that he'd watch him on the show. He said Chaz Bono is going to be on the show too. He said that he'll be on with a woman and maybe he'll be grabbing some ass.
Gary said that Dr. Keith Ablow is out there saying that you shouldn't let your kids watch Chaz Bono on Dancing with the Stars. Howard said he'll read more about that after he takes a break. Gary said Dr. Keith says that kids are confused enough and this will confuse them more. Howard said Dr. Keith might be off his rocker.
Howard said he will watch the show and he will enjoy watching David. Howard said David wanted him to be his coach but he's out in L.A. so he can't help. Howard said maybe he can watch him on video or something.
Howard asked who the hot chick is going to be on Dancing with the Stars. Wheels said that Nancy Grace is supposed to be one of them. Howard asked who she is. Robin told Howard what she knows about Nancy Grace and how she has a courtroom show and how she goes over the cases on her show on Headline News. Wheels said that she's an annoying bitch.
Gary said that the hot chick is George Clooney's ex-girlfriend. Howard said she's hot. He said he met her but she didn't have much to say. He said she's very beautiful though. Howard said he heard that George dumped Stacy Keibler already. Howard said these women think they can change guys and it just doesn't work.
Howard said he knows that Robin would fuck George Clooney. Robin said she wouldn't but Wheels pointed out that she fucked Jim Florentine. Howard said Jim is a good dude. He said he liked him for Robin. Robin said things worked out just fine. Howard asked how the sex was with him. Robin told him to stop it. She wasn't talking.
Robin said she was being haunted by Jackie Martling down in Long Beach Island. She said that they had posters for some show he was doing down there and they had them on sticks all over the place. Howard said that's great. Robin said they were in the median every few miles. Robin said she wondered what Jackie was doing down there.
Howard said most famous people don't want to talk to him. He said Barbra was lovely. He said he should have had Robin there to talk too. Howard said they talked about Barbra's designing and many other things. Howard said Brolin is a good guy too. He said that Brolin was joking about how he used to be famous and he used to do shows like his. Howard said they all seemed to like each other. Howard said he liked Barbra and he thinks she liked him. He's not sure but he thinks so.
Howard said he doesn't understand her music. He talked about watching the MTV Video Music Awards. Howard said that he didn't get a lot of the music they had on that show. He said that Lady Gaga did something interesting and did her song dressed like a man. Howard said that Beyonce was showing her pregnant belly on the show but she and Jay-z still haven't admitted they're a couple. Howard said he hopes the baby is as talented as Will Smith and Jada Pinkett's kids are. Robin said those kids are making a ton of money. Howard said they already have all that money and now they're making more than their parents. Howard said he hates it when little kids are making more money than he is.
Robin asked if Will and Jada are breaking up. Howard said he read about that and got kind of sad. He said he doesn't really care about them but it's sad that people can't stay together. He said they're denying the rumors but where there's smoke, there's fire. He had to take a break after that.
Howard came back and sang along to the song a little bit. Robin got in on that too. Howard said Stephen Stills is a very underrated guitarist. Fred agreed and said that he's got nothing to be ashamed of.
Howard asked if they should dare ask Fred what he did over vacation. Howard decided not to. Fred said it wasn't anything interesting anyway.
Howard had Lisa G come in with her news preview. Lisa came in and her hair was blown out. She said she was freaking out when she came in this morning because it was raining out. Howard asked what she had in the headlines.
Lisa said that they had updates about the earthquake and the hurricane. Lisa said that the Howard TV people ran out of the building while it was shaking. Howard said that they have some new stuff on Howard TV. He said Benjy did a thing during the hurricane. He went out and did some of his shtick on the street. Howard said it was funny. He and Beth were watching it and Beth was saying that Benjy is a good looking guy. Howard said he finds him gross but they had a discussion about it on the Wrap Up Show and Benjy thinks he's better looking than most of the guys there. Howard said Benjy tells everyone to forget the fact that he's fat but they can't just forget that. Benjy said that's a temporary thing. Howard said he's been fat for 20 years though.
Howard played some of the Wrap Up Show clips where Benjy was arguing about his looks back on the 18th. Howard talked about how odd Benjy looks to him. He said he's all caught up in this whole thing now. Howard said he thinks Benjy is vile. Howard asked Lisa if she would have sex with him. Lisa said no. Howard said Benjy is always sweating and wet. Howard asked Robin if she would ever have sex with a guy like Benjy. Robin said she told him that she saw someone who she thought was good looking and the guy looked like Benjy. Howard said he didn't know fat, sweaty and pasty was good looking. Howard said he knows it's hard for a guy to tell what's good for a woman though.
Lisa said she met one of Benjy's ex-girlfriend and she told her that Benjy was a good boyfriend. Lisa said that she might be able to date someone like Benjy if he didn't have that personality. Howard said he thinks that he's ugly and has that bad personality.
Howard played more clips of Benjy talking about who he thinks is better looking than him. Howard said that Jon Leiberman might be more insane than Steve Langford was. Howard said he was reporting on how Benjy is untagging himself on Facebook. Howard said he does the same thing. He said Harvey Leeds tags him and he has to untag himself. Howard said that he doesn't need someone tagging him like that. Howard said Harvey is a weird cat. Robin and Lisa corrected Howard and said that it's actually Steve Leeds who works there. Howard said he thought Harvey worked there. Howard said they seem to think he knows. Howard said he has no idea.
Gary said that it's Steve who works there and says hi to him every day. Howard said that he doesn't dig that one of those Leeds is tagging him in pictures. He still thinks it's Harvey. Howard said that Benjy is upset about people doing that to him too so that's why he untags himself.
Gary said that if they're pictures of Howard with bands in the studio then it's Harvey. Howard said he thinks that it's Harvey then. Gary said Steve works there at Sirius. Howard said Facebook is a weird thing. He said he might not like those pictures. Lisa said that she thinks that you have to give permission to tag people now. Howard said he thinks she's right.
The guys brought up the picture that Howard was tagged in and it turns out Steve posted it. Howard said that Steve doesn't need to help him like that. Howard said he can put his own picture up of his kids and family.
Howard played more of the Wrap Up Show where Jon Leiberman came in and talked about how this whole story started. He explained how Benjy was untagging himself in the photos. Benjy said that he must do the same thing. Howard said this guy Jon is terrific. Howard said they had a big fight about it but he agrees with Benjy on it.
Howard said he knows people who are irked by the whole tagging thing. Howard said that you should clear it with people before you tag them.
Howard asked Lisa what else she had. Lisa said that Mike Shiff from Howard TV was taking a shit while the earthquake was happening. Howard said she shouldn't say ''taking a shit.'' He said she's a news woman and she should say ''bowel movement.'' Howard said she's supposed to be classy. Howard didn't even know who Mike was.
Lisa said that Sal lost power in his home and his neighbor's trees fell in his yard. Jim Florentine also lost power for days. Lisa also said Sebastian Bach lost his home in the hurricane.
Lisa said that fans contacted them about the latest Ronnie's Block Party and it was so bad that Shuli thought that they should get their money back. Howard said he thought Shuli did comedy during the show. Scott the Engineer came in and said that he didn't control the sound system there. He said he didn't refuse to take pictures with anyone either. Howard said Ronnie and Scott are the two worst entertainers in the country and they have no business being on stage. Howard said if you pay to go see them then you're the fucking asshole.
Scott said that Shuli and Yucko were the talent. He said that they were just there to host and meet some people. Ronnie said he wasn't even hosting. He was just there to meet people too. Howard said the show is going to be bad and fans should expect that. Howard said that it's going to be unprofessional. Scott said that's just not true. Howard said he's seen the tape. He is horrible. Ronnie said he never claimed to be good.
Howard wondered why people would complain when they have to know that they're not entertainers. Howard said that people should have zero expectation for them. He said they're two morons. Ronnie said he's not a moron. Howard said he has nothing to say on stage. Ronnie said he has plenty to say. He said that it's not an act. Ronnie said he's not trying to do an act. Howard said that's what he's saying.
Howard had some audio from the first block party. He said this won't get better, it'll probably get worse. In the clip Scott came out and danced to a Black Eyed Peas song. Howard said when Scott comes into a room the whole party stops. Howard said that saying they suck is just stating the obvious.
Ronnie told Howard that they weren't late either. Howard asked if they prepare for anything. Ronnie said he has some things he says off his head. He said he's not going to read a piece of paper or anything. Howard played more of Scott introducing Ronnie at the block party. Howard said that's all Scott does.
Ronnie said that Scott had to climb up a ladder to get into the booth. Ronnie said he did it so he's not sure what this guy was talking about in the news report. They weren't late either.
Howard played more of Ronnie and Scott's awful bit on stage. Scott turned off the music and Ronnie said he had just fucked up again. Ronnie was cursing and talking to Shuli. Howard said he has to stop with the use of ''shit'' all the time. He said he needs a few words between ''shit'' and ''fuck.''
Ronnie said Gange was telling him to say it over and over for the TV show. He said Gange is such a douche bag. Gange came in and said that he told him to say that because he was saying it all weekend long. Howard started saying it himself.
Howard said Ronnie was kind of hitting on the girls with this question about him being a genie and what they would do if they rubbed his lamp and got a wish. Gange said one girl looked like she was going to throw up when he asked her a question. Ronnie said she had just thrown up before the interview because she was drunk from the night before.
Howard asked if it's gross when Ronnie is asking the questions. Gange said that it is. He said he just tells the girls they're so hot and talks about their eyes and stuff.
Howard asked JD where the clip was where the girl is disgusted with him. JD told him to check out Tasha Rain. Ronnie said that's one of JD's favorites. Howard played that clip and Ronnie asked her the genie question and what wish she would want but she'd have to fuck him first to get the lamp. Howard said that's an interesting question. Tasha said she probably would. Ronnie asked her what the face was that she made. She said she was just listening to him.
Gange said that the girls know who Ronnie is and they all love him. He said that Ronnie hosted a bikini contest one night and all of the girls knew who he was.
Howard played more of Ronnie's interviews and he was still doing the ''Whoa, whoa, whoa... stop the clock.'' thing. Gange said that Ronnie actually corrected him once when he just said ''stop the clock'' and told him you have to say ''Whoa, whoa, whoa'' first.
JD told Howard that there's more to that clip he was playing. Howard played more of it and had them introducing Ronnie at this club. Gange said that Ronnie loves those appearances. In the clip Ronnie was on stage saying that they were thinking that he was going to say some stupid things up there. Howard said that he can't imagine why. Ronnie goes on to say that he had to give out two awards and the people who are nominated all deserve a hand. He said they're people who are behind the clubs who make them what they are.
Howard goofed on Ronnie about that big speech he was making. Ronnie said he came prepared to that event. He had a speech written for it. Howard did his impression of Ronnie and goofed on him about that. Gange was getting in on it too so Ronnie told him to go back to In Demand and get back to work.
Howard played more of Ronnie's big speech. He was mentioning the nominees for the club owners and the club names for the General Manager of the Year. Ronnie was demanding applause from the crowd for all of the nominees.
Ronnie asked what was wrong with the speech. He was comparing them to the heroes over in Afghanistan. Gange said that people were shaking his hand for making that speech because it went over so well. Howard did impressions of the guys coming up to Ronnie and thanking him for the speech. He was doing the ''Whoa, whoa, whoa... stop the clock'' thing too.
Gange was telling Howard stories and Ronnie kept asking him what's wrong with him. JD came in and said that he had some audio but you can't hear the people. Ronnie said Gange did a great job flying out there and getting great audio. Gange said this is what it's like out there. You constantly get yelled at out there.
Gange told Howard that there was one girl who was all over Ronnie the whole weekend. He said she was like his new best friend. Ronnie said she was the hot chick of the week last week. Ronnie said that everything was cool with her and her husband. Gange said that everyone came up to Ronnie and said hi to him out there. He said he's a big deal.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked how Ronnie is going to protect him from anything. Howard said Ronnie is a good guy. The caller said that he's making Howard look bad. He said he has to get him to wrestle someone to prove himself. He said he's just making Howard look bad. Gange said he's seen Ronnie lift two strippers at a time so he's strong.
Howard took a call from Pete in Pittsburgh who said that Ronnie is looking really bad as he's getting older. He said he only has a couple of years left and he'll end up blowing his head off with a gun in a few years. Pete said that he's worked in the strip club industry before. He said that he got out of that business because he didn't want to end up like Ronnie. Pete asked Ronnie where his ex-wife is at. Ronnie said she's living in a very nice house. Pete said he just abandoned her for some 20 year old. Howard let Pete go after that and said that this wasn't supposed to be attack Ronnie day.
Howard congratulated Ronnie on his appearance. He asked when his next block party is. Ronnie said that Shuli has jumped ship on them. He said that they don't have anything booked. Scott said that Shuli said that they were supposed to do a show in Toronto and that may not happen and he's not sure about anything in the future. Scott said that the whole thing is supposed to be a train wreck so he's not sure what's up. He said it might be that they didn't have a great turn out. Ronnie said the place was tiny and they had about 80-90 people there. He said it was in the basement of a parking garage. Scott said they had nothing to do with booking it. He said they just showed up. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and talked about Lenny and how he was reading that he bought his daughter 19 acres so she could live next door to him. Howard said that's a good dad. Howard said the kid wants to fly away but he won't let her.
Howard said he's really into that ''Deep Tracks'' channel on Sirius. Howard said that's the channel that has Bob Dylan's show on it. He said it's a very weird show. Howard said you can barely understand the guy. He said it seems like he didn't like doing the show and stopped for a while. Howard did an impression of him telling stories on the show and playing weird music. Howard said he must like it on some level but it's really weird. Gary came in and said that he likes the show. He said he's not even sure why.
Howard said Dylan has a really bad voice and he has no idea what he's talking about. Gary said he has a way of speaking that no one on earth has. He said he is interested in him though.
Howard said he would love to interview Dylan. He said he has no idea what went down in his life but he got out of Minnesota and changed his name to Bob Dylan from Bob Zimmerman. He said he doesn't think he's spoken to his parents since then. Gary said that he told people he was an orphan but he later said he was just trying to create something by doing that.
Howard said Meg Griffin is really good on the air. He said Dan Neer is on there too. Howard said he knew him at WRNW. Howard said Dan went right to WNEW when he got out of college. Howard said he had to work for 500 years in shitty markets before he got good. Howard said Dan Neer has a lot of information and so does Meg. He said that he thinks that they don't even actually work there. He said he thinks they send in tracks and they play them on the air.
Gary said he knows how this works. He said that they come and record in the little booths they have on the other side of the building. Gary said he thinks they set it up so they just record it and hand it off to someone else. Howard said he thinks that Meg Griffin still records live. Gary said she does that but she doesn't work out of the building anymore.
Gary told Howard about some of the other guys he listens to like JJ Walker and Spyder Harrison and Jim Kerr. Howard said he heard that Jim has a different voice when he's on the 50s channel. Howard said he has some career. He said that he's worked at every station there in New York. Howard said that's fuckin impressive. Gary said Jim Kerr was on the radio when he was in 7th grade and he's still on the air.
Howard did more of his Dylan impression and goofed on him some more. Howard said when he listens to that show he has the feeling he's the only one listening.
Howard said he heard some stuff on Deep Tracks and heard The Hooters playing ''The Boys of Summer'' and thought that was pretty good. Howard asked Fred to find that one. Fred wasn't able to find it. Howard asked why they can't find things that are on the channels there. Howard said he thought all he had to do was mention it and Fred would be able to pull it out. Fred said he just can't find The Hooters. Howard told him to look up Melanie's ''Mr. Tambourine Man.'' Fred looked and wasn't able to find that one either.
Scott the Engineer came in and said that since they merged the music is coming out of Washington DC and he's asked Tim to get them access multiple times. He said that Tim has told him that they're duplicate libraries. Howard said they're obviously not. Howard put the word out to Tim to get them access.
Howard said that he typed this stuff into his iPhone and the phone corrects his spelling to the wrong words. Howard asked for a Jeff Beck song, ''Shapes of Things,'' that he had heard. Fred actually found that one.
Howard said that he was riding his bicycle over vacation to lose weight. He said he's stopped running for a little while. He said he can't lose weight riding the bike. He said he has this belly that he just can't get rid of. He said that his mother got a hold of him and told him he was doing too much and now he's all fucked up. He said she's got a hold over him. Howard said he's thinking about trying to run barefoot.
The song was playing while Howard was talking about all of that. He cut himself off and told Robin to listen to the last few seconds of the song. He said they have some good tracks on over there. Howard said he'd play some other ones but they can't find them.
Howard said that the song ''Just a Song Before I Go'' was written by Graham Nash. He said that Graham was staying with a friend and the friend said that he bet that he couldn't write a song in a half hour. They bet 100 bucks and Graham knocked out the song in 30 minutes. That's how he named the song. Howard had Fred play that song and talked about the lyrics as he was listening to them.
Howard wondered why Crosby, Stills and Nash cover ''Ruby Tuesday'' in their concerts. He didn't know why but he asked Fred to find that song for him. Howard said he wished he had paid attention during piano class. He said he did write a couple of songs when he was in 6th grade. He said that a band is releasing both songs. Gary said that he sent that over to Don. Howard said it should be coming out eventually.
Fred found the CSN cover of ''Ruby Tuesday'' but it was really bad quality. Howard said he was wondering why they cover that song. He said there must be something behind that. He said he had to take a break but Gary asked about the barefoot running thing. Howard said that he read an article about how they make running sneakers that look like gloves for your feet. He said they look really bizarre but they say that sneakers make you run on your heels and the natural foot is more toward the front of the foot.
Gary said he's dying to try them but he has the feeling he'll twist his ankle. Robin said she's got a pair and she heard that they can change your running in a big way.
Howard said they have a couple of contests going on. You can find out more at SiriusXM.com/Howard.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that his fiancee of 5 years is leaving him. Howard didn't seem to care. Howard asked him if that's all he's got. The caller didn't have much else to say so Howard hung up on him.
Howard said he had some telethon clips to play. This was the first year Jerry Lewis wasn't on. Howard said he'd like to know what's behind that. Howard said he can't imagine any scandal that would make it worth keeping the guy off the show. Howard said they have to concentrate on that story and find out what happened. Howard said he must be an incredibly difficult human being. He went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that he's still waiting to hear that Freddy Mercury's death wasn't real. Howard went on to read about this woman who lost a teenage child and she went back to work and hung her kid's picture and ballet slippers in her cubicle. Howard said that people were wishing her the best but it was going on for months and months and they told her to get a grip on it. They fired her when she didn't stop and then she sued them. Howard said at some point you become a nudge. He said you can't hold people hostage at work. He said they're not really your friends. Howard said that the woman sued the workplace and the judge ruled in favor of the workplace. Robin said it sounds cold hearted but they were trying to get some work done. Howard said he feels bad for guys who run businesses because sometimes they have to deal with nudniks. He said he doesn't know if his woman was one but some people are.
Howard said he read about a guy who tried to rush the cockpit door after the plane had landed. Howard said the guy bit one crew member in the arm. Howard said this is why people can't live their lives. Howard said this is why he stopped going to movies and concerts. Robin said these things don't happen that often. Howard said he'd rather not be there when they do.
Howard read about how Jerry Lewis wasn't on the telethon this Labor Day but he didn't understand what they were saying in the headline. He read through some of the article and said that he got the headline. He said they must mean they brought in more than they brought in back in 2010. Howard said he's not sure how he's going to read the whole article if he can't get past the headline.
Howard read some details about the telethon and who was hosting this year. Howard said it was one of the producers from American Idol. Nigel Lithgow. Robin found that funny. Howard said he's a shitty producer from American Idol and he raised more money than Jerry did.
JD told Howard that Jann Carl was one of the hosts too. Nancy O'Dell was also on. He said that Alison Sweeney was also one of the hosts. Howard said it took 5 shitty hosts to replace Jerry.
Howard said they did reference Jerry in the telethon. This guy Nigel was talking about Jerry and how Jerry was contemplating retiring last year. Howard said that he doesn't believe that was the reason he wasn't on. Robin said Jerry announced last year that this year was going to be the final year. Howard said people must really hate the guy. He said he must be a flaming asshole if they hate him that much.
Howard did his impression of Jerry getting the news about who was replacing him and finding out they made more money with the new guy.
Howard said he heard Jerry is so pissed he's going to join forces with Muscular Dystrophy and cause more diseases instead of trying to find a cure. Robin said this Nigel guy is a host on ''So You Think You Can Dance.'' Howard said he didn't know that.
Howard said now Jerry is walking alone. He said he bets he never expected that to happen. Howard played more of the clip of Nigel and some of the other hosts talking about why Jerry wasn't there. They were saying he retired.
Howard said he would love to find out what really happened there. He said some investigative reporter needs to do some digging. Howard said Jerry must really be hated over there.
Howard played some clips of the acts that performed on the telethon. Howard said you wonder what happened to these people and they show up on the telethon. Howard said it's a big deal for some people like Maureen McGovern. Howard played some of her performance and goofed on her. Howard said Richie Sambora showed up without Jon Bon Jovi. Howard said that he played Bon Jovi songs but he sang them without Jon. Howard said he has every right to sing them since he co-wrote them. Howard played some of his performance of ''Livin' on a Prayer.'' Howard said he sounds good. Robin said he sounds like Jon. Howard said Richie did two numbers at the telethon.
Howard said the big closing number is supposed to be ''You'll Never Walk Alone'' but Jerry wasn't there to do it. Howard said no one even tried to sing that song. Howard wondered if Jerry donated any money. He figured he didn't. Howard said that Maureen McGovern got on again at the end of the telethon and did an upbeat tune. Howard played some of that strange performance. Howard wondered where else you hear music like that. He said he gets Richie Sambora but not this woman or the other performers on the telethon.
Howard said Jerry should have called in and said that the telethon was terrible without Jerry Lewis. He said this closing number is quite rousing. Howard said it's hard to believe they raised more money than Jerry with this nonsense.
Howard played more of the final song on the telethon and Fred threw in some sound effects. Howard said it was a big night over there. They had to go to break after that.
Howard said someone sent him a link to a YouTube video of Courtney Love performing ''Violet'' on Saturday Night Live back in 1994 and it was really good. He said she was a great performer. He said he doesn't know what happened there. Robin said there was a question about Kurt Cobain being behind her success. Howard asked Fred to find the performance but Fred wasn't able to get the right one.
Howard said there's a story about a sperm donor who may have up to 175 children. Howard said that he knew a guy who donated sperm and he asked the guy if he felt weird about it. Howard said the guy didn't mind it and he liked getting the $75 per pop. Howard said when you spread around the sperm to 175 people there's a chance that there will be incest going on.
Howard said they say in this article he was reading and it says that it could spread rare conditions to more people if they do that. Howard said they have limits in other countries but there is no limit here in the United States.
Howard said the guy he knew who donated sperm was a good guy. They kept in touch for years but he hasn't heard from him in a few. Howard said that he remembers the guy telling him how he'd bring his specimens down to the clinic. He said that he doesn't think that he would have been accepted as a sperm donor. Howard said the guy was good looking in college but he had a beard. He said the beard helped him out because he saw him years later and he didn't look so good years later.
Robin said the guys there are sporting facial hair this week. Howard said Jason looks like Burl Ives now. He said those rings around the mouth and chin never look right. He said Jason looked like he lost weight but he really didn't. Howard said Jason looks like an obese Dave Grohl now.
Howard said Richie Wilson has become a biker kind of dude. He said he started out as this nebish but now he's got the full sleeve of tattoos and the beard going on. Robin said that he's got a full beard now and it's all white. Howard said he looks like Colonel Sanders or Greg Allman. Howard said he's changed his whole look. Richie said he's always been like that. Howard said it's weird because he has one arm tattooed and the other one is bare.
Howard said he heard Richie is going to become Jewish. Richie said he's not but he has agreed to raise any kids they have as Jewish. Richie said that he agreed to that. Howard said he heard that Rachel made him get rid of some of his Star Wars crap. Richie said he had to get rid of some stuff and he didn't have a lot of Star Wars stuff. Richie said a lot of his stuff had to go out when she moved in so that was it. Howard said Richie looks Amish. He said all of his guys there have grey hair now. He said there aren't any spring chickens there. Howard said even JD is like 40 now. Robin said he isn't that old yet.
Howard said Benjy's birthday was over the weekend. He said he's like 48. Gary said JD is just 31. Howard said ''talk about youth being wasted...'' Howard said it would be great to be 31 and miserable. Howard said he's not sure he'd want to go back to that age. He said he's afraid.
Robin started her news with a story about Chaz Bono causing controversy with Dancing with the Stars. Howard said he has a feeling that people want to see that. Robin said there are people up in arms because it's supposed to be family entertainment and they think it's wrong that they have a transgender being forced on them.
Howard said Dr. Keith Ablow wrote about this. Howard read the article and Dr. Ablow is advising parents not to let their kids watch the show or any show that Chaz is on. Howard said this is the dumbest thing he's ever read. He said that he likes Dr. Ablow but this is dumb. Howard read what he had to say about confused kids and how they could be confused further by Chaz Bono. Howard and Robin spent a few minutes talking about that article and how they don't think watching Chaz Bono is going to screw anyone up.
Howard said this guy sent in a letter about how his parents were nudists and they went out of their way to do things in the nude. He said his father was in construction and he would do construction naked. Howard said that they would go hiking and ATV riding in the nude. Howard read the letter and the guy said that his father would work with power saws and tools in the nude. Howard said they have to have this guy on the show to talk about it.
Robin read a story about a woman who was breast feeding while driving in New Zealand. Robin said that she had 3 children in the back seat as well.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he still has a problem peeing in public. Howard said he does. He said he just went out to dinner the other night to Bobby Vans and he wasn't able to pee there. Howard said he hates peeing in public like that. Howard said he had to go to the bathroom before going out to a concert. Howard said Ross went to the bathroom so he went with him. He said if he talks he can sometimes pee. He said he got one stall and Ross got a urinal. Howard said Ross has a tiny needle dick so he's not sure why he's so comfortable. Howard said Ross will pee anywhere though. Howard said a bunch of guys came into the bathroom and he wasn't able to pee. He said he flushed with his foot of course. He said he didn't want to touch the toilet. He said he was going to go back after dessert. He said that he went back and tried but more guys came into the bathroom. He said he wasn't able to pee so he went back and told everyone. Howard said that Ross wanted to bring him back to his house so he could pee there instead. He did that just so he could pee.
Howard said Ross is such a good man he's going to give him bathroom privileges back there. Howard said Ross shits like 5 or 6 times a day. Howard said Ross is his boy so he's going to give that access back to him.
Howard told the caller he still has problems. The caller tried to tell a story but his cell phone broke up so Howard hung up on him.
Robin read a story about a man impregnating an 11 year old girl. Howard wondered if an 11 year old can really have a kid. Robin said the girl had the kid already. Robin read the details of that story and about the charges he's up on.
Robin read about a guy who died in the pool of an NFL player's. Robin said that it was a kinky kind of party where people had to wear masks and stuff. Howard said that he would never go to anything like that. Robin read about how there were at least 100 people at the party. She said they don't suspect foul play in the death.
Robin read about how the 10th anniversary of 9/11 is coming up. Robin said people are talking about where they were that day. Robin said she had some audio for Howard to play. It was some audio of people hearing the first crash. Robin read about some study that was done about people having closure with the whole thing and how the death of Osama bin Laden was very anti climactic. Howard did a live commercial after that.
Howard told David to set up Chaz with Courteney. He asked David if he's interested in this chick he's dancing with. David said he's toning that whole thing down. Howard asked what happened with the Beacher's Mad House thing. David said they had a verbal agreement... but he didn't want to go into it.
Howard said he told David he should do the show. David said he's doing it to learn to dance and he's going to take it seriously. Howard said they're going to make sure he stays on the show. Howard said that they're going to vote him to stay even if he sucks.
Howard said if he was single on that show he'd fuck his dance partner the first week. David said that he doesn't need drama going into it. Howard said he should dance in black face. That would cause a fire storm of controversy. Howard told him not to let Chaz steal his thunder. He said he has to do that or knock up his dance partner.
Howard asked David if he thinks he can win it. David said this is not a joke. He said he's taking it very seriously. Howard said he would bukakke his partner in the rehearsal. He asked who he's going to have in the audience cheering him on. David said he's going to have his family there. He said Courteney will be there too. Howard said he doesn't think she'll show up. David was willing to bet him that she would.
JD came in and said that David has the hottest dance partner, Kym Johnson. He gave Howard a picture. Howard said he really does. He started making jerking off sounds and David just said ''Oh god'' and asked him to stop. Howard said he'd tongue this girl's ass. David said he can't do that on the dance floor. David said she's a great teacher and she's amazing. Howard said she's going to fuck the shit out of her. David told him to stop it.
Howard said that's great that he's got a partner like that. Howard said they love to show off their bodies on that show. Howard said that he did the smart thing doing that show. Howard said they should dress up like Sonny and Cher one week. David said that his body is getting into crazy shape already. He said you work out 5 days a week. Howard said David is a score for Kym too. He said that he'll be doing her. He said he's going to give him a lie detector test when he comes in next time. Howard asked him to put her on the phone. David pretended to ask her to wake up. She wasn't there. Howard said he knows she's there. David said that she is very attractive and there will be some tension there. Howard asked if he's rubbed one out to her yet. David asked him to please stop. He said there's a fine line there.
Howard asked when David is coming in. David said he'd like to come in. He said he can travel with Kym too. Howard said that he wants him to bring her in. Howard told him to bring her in. David laughed and said that would be awesome.
Howard wished David luck and told him to give reports as often as he needs to. Howard let him go and talked a little more about Dancing with the Stars. Howard wondered if Courteney will actually show up. He said she is on ABC so she might do it for promotion.
Robin read about how 3 dozen people were shot in the city over the weekend. Robin had some audio of Mayor Bloomberg talking about how they need help getting guns off the street.
Robin read about a new Doris Day album that's coming out and had some news about the new album and had some clips from that. Fred threw in some old lady porn clips while that song was playing. Doris is 87 years old.
Robin read about Gabrielle Giffords and how she's been out visiting her family with her husband.
Robin read about the new movie ''Contagion'' that's coming out and had some audio of Jude Law talking about the movie.
Robin had some audio of Chaz Bono and his dance partner talking about the reactions they're getting about Dancing with the Stars so far. Chaz said he got a lot of positive tweets and he's having trouble getting through them all. Howard said he wishes that Chaz had a penis. Howard said he wonders if he would be circumcised or uncircumcised. They had to end the show a short time later. They were done around 10:20am.
After the break Jon came back and had Ronnie in the studio. Ronnie said that Teddy is jumping around like a Mexican Jumping bean. Gary said Ronnie is pretty wound up today too. Ronnie said Gange got him going this morning.
Jon and Gary asked Ronnie if he thinks he's funny. Ronnie said he thinks that he's obnoxious and not funny. Gary said he thinks that Scott thinks that he's funny but he's not. Jon said that Scott is on his way in there now.
Jon asked Scott about how he was defending himself and trying to say he had some kind of talent. Scott said he had to let Howard say what he was saying. Jon asked Scott for a serious answer. Scott said he had a DJ business and he does have some talent. He said that's not his strength though. Ronnie said they have to get a copy of Scott's demo tape. Scott said he has no idea where he would have a copy. He said he may have trashed it a long time ago.
Jon said that Scott could have said this stuff this morning. Scott said he didn't feel he was going to get anywhere saying it at the time. He said it was better to just let it go.
Gary said Howard would have said that he got the DJ gigs because he's on the show and not because of his talent. Scott said he would do multiple appearances. Gange said that they had him at an E! party once but the next year the executives didn't want him back. He said the next year they didn't hire him.
Gange asked Scott if he got repeat business. Scott said he did. Gary said he heard from some people that he was very good when he did his DJ thing. Scott said that it's hard to get every party to get up and dance. He said every party is different.
Gange said he hired Scott for his graduation and he thinks he annoyed a bunch of people. He was annoying Jackie the Joke Man there. Gary said that they had hired Scott's company to do their wedding and Gange's party was about a month before. He said that everything they didn't want at their wedding was being done at that party. He said that he played all of the songs and did all of the dancing things that they didn't want at his wedding. Scott said that people will tell him that they don't want stuff but then they will dance to stuff they're familiar with.
Jon asked Scott about Shuli blaming them for things not going well. Scott said that they're not comedians. He said that Shuli is a comedian, Yucko and John Tole were the comedians. He said that they just show up and fuck around a little.
Gary said Shuli is a seasoned comedian and he's been in the business for years. He said that there are many people who can't fill the room. He said that Shuli has utilized Scott and Ronnie to bring in the crowd. He said that he's in a tough position. Shuli said that they haven't made it seem like it's going to be the best show in the world. He said this particular show was really bad. He said that Scott had to climb a ladder into the DJ booth. Shuli said that when Scott got up there he was looking at Scott up there and tried to tell him to turn up the board. Scott said the board was up and he got feedback. Shuli said that Scott had nothing to say and he had the loudest mic in the room. Scott said he didn't wire the club for the room. He said that's what he had to use. Shuli said the problem got fixed when John Tole told Scott how to fix it. Scott said he was adjusting things the whole time so that's why it changed. Scott said it's not his responsibility to fix that stuff anyway.
Shuli said that most people buy tickets to see that train wreck though. Gary said that's kind of what Howard was saying this morning. He said that if anyone goes expecting to see stand-up from Ronnie then he'd understand it. Shuli said that Ronnie does his thing as RickyMan and Scott is the DJ. Scott said that's how he contributes. He said he does the whole thing through his phone. Ronnie said it didn't work too well this time. He said there was one guy there who made up a bunch of bullshit about them being late.
Gary asked if they're going to continue to do this and replace Scott and Ronnie. Ronnie said that he isn't being replaced from what he's been told. Shuli said that they have to scrap the whole block party theme and just go with something else. Maybe Shuli's Mad House. They had to go to break a short time later.
Benjy asked Gange about going out to Vegas and what he would do if all of the cameras didn't work. Gange said he would try to fix them or at least have some opinion on them. Gary said that Scott should be able to look at the wiring and figure it out.
Jon asked Ronnie about what he was up to out there in Vegas. Ronnie said he was at a gentleman's club convention and also at the Exotic Dancer Awards. Gange and Ronnie talked about the stuff they had at the convention.
Jon asked about the new catch phrase ''Whoa, whoa, whoa... stop the clock,'' and how that all came about. Ronnie said that he just started saying it and he's said it before. Ronnie said Gange was making him say it even more and he screwed him over. Gange said that he's done that to Ronnie before.
Gary said that it was funny that Ronnie got so upset. He said that Ronnie has broken Gange's balls before too.
Ronnie said they had a good time at the convention out there in Vegas. Gary asked Ronnie if he would ever open a Rick's if he was out on his own. Ronnie said that they don't do franchises. He said that there is a lot involved in doing something like that. He said there is a lot involved and he wouldn't do it. Gange said he could be a strip club consultant. He said he was giving advice to people out there. Ronnie said that he was telling people about these vending machines that they want to put in strip clubs. He said he told the guy who invented it to come up with a miniature pussy that vibrates and put that in the machine. He said you could put it in your pocket and use it to jerk off. Jon said it does sound like he could be a consultant.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Ronnie came up with the idea for ''Whoa, whoa, whoa'' when his girlfriend was trying to use a vibrator on him. Ronnie said the guy is a retard and he's not going to talk to him.
The caller asked what the guys think about Beth thinking Benjy is hot. Gary said that Howard must be super triple hot to Beth if Benjy is good looking.
Benjy said when he looks in the mirror he likes his face. Gary said he never likes what he sees in the mirror. He said he can see the fat guy when he's fat. He said Benjy doesn't seem to see the fat guy. Benjy said he likes his face at the right angles.
Jon asked Gary what he's going to do with the phlegm in the morning. Gary said he can't control it so he's just going to keep going. Jon said that once Gary leaves the studio it's gone. It's one of those weird things. They had to end the show a short times later.
Howard started the show talking about the show ''Falling Skies'' not knowing the name of it. He said he knows the show but doesn't know the name of it. Brian Phelan told Howard what the name was and how much he liked it. Howard said he really enjoyed it. He said he hopes it comes back next year. Howard explained the show and said he liked it. Howard said they're saying it's coming back in the summer of 2012.
Robin said she's been watching a new show too. She told Howard about that one and it's about teens and this one girl is unable to kiss humans because they die when she does.
Howard said he gets his shows on his iPad and he watches the whole season at once. He said he loves watching the whole season that way. He said he loves putting his Dr. Dre headphones on and listens to the shows that way. He said he forgets what they're called too. Robin said he can't remember the name of everything. Howard said he's getting old... or he is old. Fred said they're Dr. Dre Beats. Howard asked Robin if she has them yet. Robin said she doesn't like headphones. She likes ear buds. Howard said headphones are becoming a fashion statement these days. He said they walk around with them around their necks.
Howard said he tried doing it one day but you don't know what to do with the cord. Howard said he likes to plug headphones into his phone or his iPad. He said everything plugs into everything Mac. He said he does that with his iMac when he's iChatting with his buddy Matt or Ross Zapin. He said he'd never talk to them if he wasn't doing iChat.
Howard took a call from a guy but ended up telling him that they have Jim Breuer coming in today and Simon Cowell calling in. The caller didn't get a chance to say much.
Howard said he's been watching this show Karaoke King and Carnie Wilson is one of the judges. He said these shows rip off American Idol and they all do the same kind of thing. Howard said one of the shows has to fail eventually. Robin said she heard that America's Got Talent started losing audience toward the end this year. Howard said they didn't lose him. He said he's all over that shit.
Robin mentioned all of the stuff Nick Cannon is doing and he's got so many shows Howard isn't sure how he's doing them all. Robin said they must be doing something where he does his radio show from California. Howard said he liked Nick on America's Got Talent. He said he must be exhausted doing all of that stuff though.
Howard said you get a job where someone pays you. He said that when you're on the web and no one is paying you, that's not a job. Howard said success is getting paid. He said you're not in the industry if you're not getting a pay check.
Howard said he was talking about how he had mixed emotions about WYSP leaving. Howard said he was kind of happy that it's gone because it shows that they can't succeed without him. He said that he also thought about how sad it is that these stations are going away because he looked forward to getting on them. Howard said his dad brought home this big book back in the day and it showed all of the big stations in it.
Howard said he heard this song on Deep Tracks there on Sirius. Howard said he likes hearing this stuff when they go to the actual deep tracks. He said sometimes they do this 6 Degrees of separation thing on the channel and they end up with some old dude that no one cares about. He doesn't like that part.
Howard got back to The Hooters and they were playing the mandolin in the song. He said they're really into that instrument. Howard said if he was The Hooters he'd be upset that these shows are trying to find new talent when there are so many rock stars still out there. He said that they can actually play music and sing.
The caller said he likes the Lemonheads better. Howard said he likes this. He said you know the guy can play the guitar and that's what he should be playing. Howard said he probably feels he can't get laid playing the Mandolin. Howard let the song play and said it's beautiful.
Howard said the boys did a nice job with that. The band is from Philly. Robin didn't remember what song they did. Gary said it was ''And We Danced.'' Howard said there were some others. There was ''All You Zombies'' too. Howard told Fred to play some of their other stuff. Fred played ''And We Danced'' first. Howard said he thinks ''All You Zombies'' was a bigger hit. He told Fred to play that one instead. the caller said they just played in the city this summer. Howard said no one cared.
Howard did his WNBC voice and talked up the song. He said you can do a whole thing before the song actually starts. He said this opening just goes on and on.
Fred told Howard that ''Day By Day'' charted higher than both of those songs. Howard told him to hold on and kept the Zombies song playing. Howard said this one is pretty good. Robin said this is a deep track. Howard said he knows it though. He said he thinks it's beautiful.
Gary told Howard that they're famous for writing ''Time After Time'' for Cyndi Lauper. Robin said that one she knows. Fred said that one of them wrote ''If God Was One Of Us'' for Joan Osborne too.
Fred played some of ''Day By Day'' for Howard. Howard asked if he had the Lemonheads cover. Fred wasn't able to find that one. He said he did have the Lemonheads covering ''Mrs. Robinson'' so he played that one. Howard said he used to talk over all of the songs at WNBC. He said he got a memo from Pig Virus for doing that. Howard said he hated that guy and he was an asswipe. Howard said he'd end up killing the guy if he had to work with him now. He's not sure how he worked with the guy back then.
Howard said Paul Simon put out a new song and he's starting to like it. He didn't like it at first but now he's heard it more and it's growing on him. Howard said Paul Simon was a shy guy and hooked up with Art Garfunkel in high school because he needed a guy on stage with him. He said he eventually realized he didn't need him so he gave him the heave ho. Howard said that Garfunkel put out his own stuff but he didn't do all that well. He said he was in the movie ''Carnal Knowledge'' and did pretty well in that. Fred said that he did a couple of movies and that kind of caused the rift between them.
Robin wondered if nay rock stars have gone on to act and do it well. Howard said there aren't many. Many have tried but most have failed. Cher is one who made it. Robin said she's not sure that Cher even considers herself a musician. Robin said she was on TV and was never really a musician. Robin said that she may not even consider herself a musician. Howard said Barbra Streisand is another one. Howard said she made that transition. Robin said ''no, no, no...'' Robin said she came out of the stage acting world. Howard said The Beatles had 3 hit movies. Howard said they made that transition too. Howard said that's all he's got though.
Howard mentioned Will Smith but Robin downplayed that one too. She said he was a novelty music act. Gary mentioned Ice T and Robin went for that one. Gary said he didn't think she would go for that one.
Howard said he would even study the secondary markets and think about what it would be like to be on one of those stations. He said he used to dream about being on those stations. He said that when WYSP went away he really did start thinking about how sad it was. Howard said then he thought about how satisfying it is that they're failing because they lost him. He said that no morning show could replace theirs. Howard said that if some station had taken over and gone to number one then he'd be upset. Howard said there's this show Preston and Steve and that's the big morning show now. Howard said he asked what they do because he's never heard them. He said WYSP ended up dying after all these years. He said they tried Opie and Anthony, David Lee Roth, Danny Bonaduce, Kidd Chris and others. Howard said he felt good that no one could replace them.
Howard said he had a list that Fred put together about rock stars who transitioned to acting. He had Elvis on the list. Mark Wahlberg was another. Howard said he had Queen Latifah and Bette Midler too. Robin was arguing about some of the names.
Robin mentioned Diana Ross too. Howard said he was crazy about Diana Ross. He said he loved that big afro she used to have. He said he bets that she had a big bush too. Howard said he could probably get her today but he'd prefer to go back 25 years in a time machine and get her then. Howard imagined what her big bush would be like. Fred played some jungle sounds and Howard pretended to be chopping his way through it with a machete.
Eric asked Howard what he would do if Beth died in a horrible accident... Robin asked if they have to do this again. They did that yesterday.
Howard said he wants to put an end to bulldog breeding. He said that the dogs suffer and they can't even be born naturally. He said Bianca just had another eye operation and she's on 5 medications. Beth is at the vet once every couple of weeks.
Howard said he had another dog that had to go to the vet like once a year. He said it was nothing like this. This dog is full time care. He said she could never survive on her own. Howard said the dog is sweet and lovable but she suffers every day. She has a hot spot problem where she has a welt on her fur. She has a tail socket infection, her folds are infected, she's on medication for thyroid and other things. He said most people couldn't afford this. He said this one is considered healthy too. He said you can imagine what an unhealthy one would be like. Howard said Beth is at the vet at least once every week or every other week.
Howard said this is the majority of bulldog owners. He said that people think they're cute but they're really tough to take care of.
Eric interrupted and asked if Dr. Sarno could help her. Eric said he was serious but Howard said this dog has real medical problems. Howard said he's a real moron. Howard said his dog is 9 and a half and the life span is about 8 years for these bulldogs. Howard said it's crazy.
Howard said he has a friend who just lost her bulldog. He said that parrots live to like 85 years and dogs only live 9-10 years. Howard said you figure that dogs are higher up on the chain.
Eric asked if they were done. Howard said he's the worst caller. Eric asked how long after Beth died would he be dating. Howard said he would be devastated if she died. He said he wouldn't be thinking about jumping into bed with another broad. He said he thinks he'd have a grieving period of a month at least. Robin said he'd be with another woman at the funeral.
Howard said he would like to think that if Beth died he'd be devastated and he'd be without someone for a year. He said he thinks he'd be wrecked for a year. Robin said he would be wrecked but he'd be with a woman who would hear him crying about Beth for that full year. Howard said this guy Bob Kraft really loved his wife and he's not even out looking for any women. Robin said she's willing to bet that he's going to be married in 2 years. Howard said he loved his wife. Robin said that doesn't mean he didn't love her.
Howard said Jimmy was crying over his uncle last night and it was really touching. Robin said he cried over John Ritter too. Howard said that was just stupid but this was something else with his uncle.
Howard played some clips from Jimmy's show where he broke down crying while talking about his uncle Frank. He started breaking down as soon as he mentioned Frank.
Howard said that his father lost his mother to a hit and run driver so he asked him how it was. He said his father said it was sad but he didn't get emotional about it. Howard said when he hears Jimmy crying he doesn't feel the same thing. He said that he would like to be human but he doesn't feel that way.
Howard played more of Jimmy talking about Uncle Frank. Jimmy was talking about what a great guy Frank was and he was doing okay for a minute and then started breaking down and crying. Jimmy said he saw Frank in the hospital with his cousins and family and they all slept in his hospital room for two weeks. Jimmy said he was very proud of Frank. He loved being part of the show. He said that he had to thank his co-workers that picked him up and spoke to him and everyone who came to the show and watched and let him put his crazy uncle on television.
Fred played a Gilbert Gottfried laughing clip at the end of that. Howard said Jimmy cried over John Ritter and he doesn't think he even knew him. Howard played a clip of Jimmy crying over Ritter's death. Jimmy even mentioned he knew Howard Stern was going to get the clip and make fun of him. He was right.
Howard said that Jimmy is really emotionally connected. He just isn't the same way. Howard said Jimmy's family must have been really together.
Eric asked Howard if Jimmy is Jewish. Howard said of course not. Howard said Jimmy is Italian. He's not sure how the Kimmel name came about.
Howard let Eric go and took another call. The caller said he wanted to thank them all for discussing mental illnesses. Robin said they have them too. The caller said he heard an ad for the mental illness place. Howard said that they must have looked over the audience and saw that they had plenty of people who need help. The caller said he's mentally ill himself. He asked if they're hiring. Howard asked what his problem is. The caller didn't get specific. He was saying he has a little of this and a little of that. Then he said he has minor depression. The caller said that he's a clinical social worker. He said he spent 5 years in corporate America. He doesn't hear voices or anything like that. Howard said his dad cured him of depression. He showed him his fist and said this is your psychiatrist. Howard let that guy go and said he had gone a little long.
Robin said that she thinks this season of Celebrity Rehab has been great. She said even the wrap up is great. She said they got a hold of Mary Jo Buttafuoco and asked her to meet with Amy. Robin said that they spoke to Amy about it and Amy said she's tired of saying she's sorry. Robin said she's hysterical. Robin said Amy has destroyed her face with plastic surgery. Howard said Amy looks like she took a bullet to her head. He wondered who did that to her. They should release his name so people can avoid him.
Howard said that Amy Fisher's Facebook bio said she made one mistake. Howard said she shouldn't be out breathing free air. He said she shot someone in the head. Howard went to break after that.
Howard came back and talked about the song that was playing. He didn't know it so Fred told him what it was. Howard said he likes Adam Levine. Howard said he must have thrown Christina Aguilera a bone and did the song with her.
Howard had Jon Leiberman come in with his news headlines. Jon came in and said that they have breaking news about Andy Dick. He said that Andy has said that he's Jewish. Jon said that he was on the phone with Captain Janks and Andy has said that his father is Jewish and many of the people around him are Jews. Jon said that Andy has said that he wants things to be all good with Howard and it's turned into something horrible. Howard said that's what Andy does with his friendships. He said Andy is a mess and he thinks there are no consequences in life. He said he goes into people's homes and grabs guy's dicks and stuff. Howard said that Andy is a disaster. He said he pissed his career away and pissed his friendships away. Howard said he has to hit rock bottom and pull his shit together. Howard said he seems to be on a suicide mission.
Jon said that Riley Martin has said that he has gotten a lot of prank calls on his show lately. He had some audio clips for Howard to play. Howard played some of the clips of Riley talking about how he thinks Howard and Tim are sabotaging his show and not giving him extra hours.
Howard said Riley is nuts. He thinks that they owe him a living. Jon said that Riley has said that if they don't want him there they should give him his pink slip. Howard said he could take that show anywhere and make a fortune with it. He doesn't need them.
Jon said that Roosevelt High School is closed for a renovation and they're going to a middle school instead. He said that Jackie Martling has told an interviewer that he and Howard have fun together when they hang out and he always makes Howard laugh. Howard said he does have a great time with Jackie. Robin said Jackie is performing for Howard and doesn't say that he has a good time himself. Howard said anyone who spends time with him doesn't have a good time.
Jon said that Jackie also said that Benjy was brought in when he was there and that didn't help things out. He said that he was upset that he had another writer in there. Howard said that wasn't an attack on Jackie. Howard said no one was forcing him out the door. He said they tried to give him a huge raise. Howard said Jackie is like Andy Dick sabotaging his career. Howard said Jackie is better off not being on the show and doing his own thing.
Howard said there are people who don't see themselves and how they act. He said that it's this grandiose view of their talent. Howard said Jackie had to leave and now he can sit around with his crew talking about their war stories about how they were almost successful. Howard, Jackie and Robin all started doing their Jackie voice and goofed on him for a couple of minutes. Howard said he had his break and he broke that break in two.
Howard said that Jackie always had something to promote on the show but he was out for himself. He said that he was doing awful movies and appearing on awful shows and none of it was good for his career. Howard said Jackie is a bright guy but not for himself. Howard said he should write a book about people who sabotage themselves. He said it's very simple to be a success.
Howard said this is like all of those bosses he had who tried to screw with him. He said they were all making mistakes. Fred was playing Paul McCartney's ''Too Many People'' as Howard was talking about that.
Jon said that they have found Mark the Bagger and he's no longer bagging groceries. He's working in a restaurant as a dish washer. His mother is keeping him off Howard's show and any related shows. Howard said he's not sure that working in a restaurant kitchen is the right thing for him. He should be working in the public.
Jon said they found out that Ham Hands Bill wrote a letter to Casey Anthony asking her to come stay with him. He has even set up a web site about that. Jon also got in a plug for the Intern Show where they'll be introducing the new interns. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and told Robin to remind him to play some Captain Janks prank calls that he did during the Hurricane. Howard said that Joey Boots did some Baba Booey stuff on some news channels too.
Howard said that the U.S. Post Office is close to going out of business. He said that they made union contracts years ago and the deals are so huge that they can't afford it anymore. Howard said the tab is so huge that they just can't do it. Howard read an article about that and said it's sad. He said our postal system is the pride of the world. He said that for 44 cents you can drop a piece of paper in a box and have it shipped around the world. Howard said it's wild and yet it's all falling apart. He said the post office has lost 20 billion over the past few years. They just don't have the money to pay for this stuff. Howard said that they need a postal service. Robin said they might deliver letters once a week.
Howard said Jim Breuer is there. He said he's been doing stand-up and his own radio show lately. Jim came in and Howard asked why he didn't do some singing. Jim said he tried playing guitar but it's a disaster. Jim said he can play a mean air guitar.
Howard said Jim's paperback ''I'm Not High'' is out. He said he reads that book over and over again. It sits next to his toilet and he knows the stories in the book because he's read them so many times.
Howard asked what's going on with his dad. Jim said his dad is going to be moving into his house. He said that his mom is still alive too. He said that she's a Jekyl and Hyde kind of person. Jim said that she'll give him food but then she'll yell at him for doing things wrong and then she'll get him ketchup. He said his dad shits his pants and his mom won't clean it up either.
Howard said he heard that he's moving his dad in because his mom punched his dad out. Jim said she gave him the big slap to the ear so she did kind of punch him out. Howard said that Jim caught her doing this. Jim said that his dad lost his hearing and they didn't know why. This could be the reason. Jim said that his dad's ears were clogged with wax. He said they got them cleaned out. He said he walked into the house one day and heard this screaming going on. He said his dad has said who help out with his problems. Jim said he heard his dad yelling and he walked in and she had her open hand slapping him in the ears. He said he was looking at this in shock. He said that she was yelling in his ear asking if he couldn't hear her.
Howard said this is sad that it becomes Jim's burden. He said that he doesn't want to hang out with his dad and take care of him. Jim said that's not true. He said this is why he admires Jim. He is such a giving guy. Howard said that Jimmy Kimmel is crying over his uncle and Jim is so caring for his father. Robin said he could ignore it if he wanted to.
Jim said he made a movie about taking care of his dad. He said that if Howard watched it he would change his views on his own father. Howard asked why he thinks he has to take care of his dad like this. Howard asked if it's because he's religious. Jim said he's really not religious. Howard said he got a note from an anonymous writer who said that he knows that Jim has gotten really religious over the past few years. Howard said he believes it because he writes about it in his book and things like that. Howard said this writer said that Jim has a weird view on the devil. Howard asked Jim if he believes in god and the hereafter and all of that. Jim said he thinks that Howard's perception of religion is the evangelists and catholic's and all of that.
Jim said that he doesn't know what it is that he has. He said he sees things in his life. He said that he was writing his book and he's never sat down and written for more than an hour. Jim said he was taking off to Las Vegas and he started writing on the plane. He said that he wrote like 20 pages on the flight. He said that he showed his wife and she couldn't believe it. He got to the hotel and started writing. He was writing it in a notebook and he was in this ridiculous suite. He said it was just insane. Jim said there are no drugs involved in this story. He said he plastered himself against the window and said he was in the devil's den. Jim said he was there in Vegas and people were going to see his life differently and he was challenging the devil. He said he was in his house and he was giving a big fuck you to the devil.
Jim said he put this book on the table next to the window. He said he left it there next to the window and walked away. Then he said maybe that was stupid saying that. Jim said he took the book and tried to find hiding spots. He said that he was afraid the devil was going to steal the book. Howard said he wants to lock Jim up hearing this. Jim went on to say that he found a hiding spot for the notebook but then realized how stupid it was. He said he was worried about some force. Then he walked to the table and just left it out. He said he went out and saw Jerry Seinfeld and Chris Rock and talked to them. He said that they were just there in the hotel in the hallway. Jim said he was getting a pedicure but told the guys that he was waiting for his wife. He said Chris and Jerry were goofing on him about that.
Jim said he went back to his room and the maid was outside the door. He said the maid looked evil to him. He said maybe she was up all night or something. He got a weird vibe from her. Jim said he went in the room and the maid was apologizing. He said she was offering him candy. She gave him all of this stuff and came in with it. Jim said that he told her not to worry about it. He saw that the notebook was still there and he went to sit down and start writing. Then he sees there are no pages in the notebook. Jim said he wondered what the fuck was going on. He yelled at his wife about it. He said that he asked her if she took the pages. She thought that he had them in another book. Jim said he was freaking out and looking all over for the notebook. Jim said he wasn't able to figure out what happened.
Jim said he went out in the hall and asked the maid after his wife told him to ask. Jim said he had the book and asked her what happened. She said she was sorry. Jim asked what she meant. She said they were gone. Jim asked what she meant. The maid said she was sorry and he flipped out asking why she took his personal writings. People were coming into the hall wondering what was going on. Jim said he called management and she told them that she took the pages and put them in the hallway. The guy who picks up the garbage had already picked them up. Jim said he doesn't know why she did this. He said he ended up in the dumpster at Caesar's Palace looking through the dumpster. Jim said that the manager told him that she's been there for 12 years and she knows better than to do anything like this. Jim said she wouldn't explain why she did it. She said she thought he had left.
Jim said he doesn't know for sure why she did it. Howard said Jim thinks that the devil made her do it. Jim said he's not saying that. Jim said it was just one of those moments and it freaked him out. Howard said she must be a terrible woman.
Jim said he had another bizarre one for him. Howard told him to go ahead. Jim said there's a story in his book where this girl dies in a car crash. The brother got mangled after that. Jim said when someone dies very young they concentrate on the death a lot. He said the kid was very rebellious after that. Jim said that he was like 19 himself. Jim said he wanted to tell this guy about his sister in the book so he wrote that thinking it would help him move on. Jim said he got a call from Brian Johnson's wife who was having a surprise party for Brian's 60th birthday. Jim said he went down there and on his way down there he thought maybe he could hunt this guy Sean down to talk to him about his sister. He said he went to this party with Brian Johnson and it was great. He did his Brian Johnson voice and said he heard stories from him that he didn't understand. He said Brian even sang at the party. He said the whole thing was great.
Jim said he went to Tampa the next day and flew out to come home. This guy Sean live in Florida about an hour away from Tampa. He said he went out to his car at the airport and he's talking to God just asking if he could put this kid Sean into his life in some way. He didn't have time to look for him in Florida. Jim said he went through this security gate at the airport in Tampa and he hears someone say ''Jim?'' and figured it was just a fan.
Howard interrupted and said that he imagines it's a fan doing a Goat Boy impression. That led to Jim doing his Lorne Michaels voice and talking about why he didn't make the Goat Boy movie with him. Jim said that his kid does a goat impression all day long and he had to ask her not to do it in public. He said that they don't home school this one. Jim said the oldest one is the one who they're still home schooling.
Jim got back to his story and said that he heard this voice say ''Jim'' and this kid is there that he doesn't recognize. Then the kid says it's Sean, Kristen's brother. Jim said that he got hot and said if he knew the circumstance of right now he'd be shocked. He said that Sean was visiting his mother from Boston and he had just gotten off the plane. Robin said it was a coincidence. Howard said maybe God actually intervened. Howard said that they should get the straight jacket right now.
Howard asked if he just did a tour with Steve-O from Jackass. Howard asked if he's a good stand-up comedian. Jim said he is collaborating with a writer and Steve does a good job. He said that Steve is a great guy and he is a huge Jackass fan. He did his impression of Steve's voice and had Robin cracking up. Jim said Steve was telling him that they both appear to be high but they're not so they should go out on tour and call it ''We're not fucking high.''
Jim said that he lets his kids watch some of the Jackass stuff but not all of it. Jim said that Steve met his kids and he was talking about how gorgeous they are. Jim said he had to bring Steve outside. He said Steve couldn't hurt a flea. He said he's a really nice guy but he's out of his mind. Howard asked if he can have a real discussion with the guy. Jim said he can. He said that they went out to England to do shows but not together. Jim said that he couldn't sell tickets at all out there. Steve wasn't selling all that well so they put them together. Jim said that he didn't even know Steve-O was doing stand-up.
Jim said he met Steve out there in England and Steve asked him to light him on fire. This was back stage. He wasn't even doing his show. Jim said the English dudes were asking if it was safe to do and Steve was saying it was fine. Then there's this giant ball of flame and Steve does his flip. He said the girls there all screamed. Jim said Steve is like a hurricane. He never stops. Jim said that Steve is like a bee flying around.
Howard said he can't understand how anyone can be around Steve-O for that long. Jim said he's a great entertainer. He said if he was running the Hard Rock he'd hire him right now for millions. He has a huge following. Jim said that Steve goes out on stage and he gets the crowd going. He's a great entertainer. Jim did his impression of him telling him about his interventions and stuff like that.
Jim said the show they did was at a rock festival. He said that's the most frightening thing to do. He said they were in England and no one knows who he is. He said they have these bands like Metallica and Anthrax playing at this concert. He said he was doing his show in a tent and the place is full of English animals with shaved heads. He figured there would be no one in the place. Jim said it turned out there was a sea of people. Jim said that the emcee was on stage saying something and he didn't understand much of what he was saying. Jim said that his act is stuff about his 85 year old father and things like that. He said this crowd didn't appear to be into that kind of thing. Jim said that he was told that they had Steve-O would be closing the show. The first guy goes up with a guitar and starts singing a song. He said the guy was singing about punching his wife in the face and stuff. Then the crowd starts throwing shit at him.
Jim said his wife and kids were there on the side of the stage. She told him that his act in the 90s was about going to metal concerts and stuff. She told him to do that act. Jim said he walked out and started asking about the metal bands that were playing there and he did his Lars Ulrich and Ozzy impression and they loved it. He said that it was great. He said Steve-O was on the side of the stage telling him the act was killer. Howard asked if he did the act where he beats himself up. Jim said he did that. Jim said that he watched Steve-O do his thing and the crowd loved him. He said he did some stunts and he did some jokes and talked and he held them over with all of that.
Howard said you need to have something funny to say and not just do impressions. Jim said he would do Steve-O as a cop or something. He did some of that and Howard laughed. Howard said that's what you have to do if you do impressions.
Howard gave Jim a plug for his book ''I'm Not High: (But I've Got a Lot of Crazy Stories About Life as a Goat Boy, a Dad, and a Spiritual Warrior)'' and said that he's read it like 3 times now. Jim is also doing some comedy shows and he's got this movie out about his father. Jim said you can find it on Facebook or go on his web site. You can find it at Facebook.com/morethanmemovie or JimBreuer.com (Breuniverse.com)
Howard asked Jim about his father moving in again. Jim said that his mother loves his father but being with him 24/7 is too much for her. He said he can kind of relate to some of that but not the slapping part. Howard said Jim has taken pity on him and he's moving him into the house. Jim said that his wife suggested that he do it. He said that the kids will love him and the cats will be all over him.
Howard let Jim get in another plug for the movie and Jim said he'd send him a copy. He told Howard that his life will change after seeing this movie. Howard asked how things are going with his career. Jim said that things are going great and he might have something to talk about in November. He said that it's good either way even if that thing doesn't work out. Howard said he loves checking in with Jim. He wrapped up and went to break after that.
Howard said that Cowboy Jeff sent in a song about Robin's butthole (Time In Her Butthole). He said this is his masterpiece. Howard played the song. Howard was laughing as it played. Howard said he's so into her.
Howard said he didn't want to knock Richard. He said the song sounds like all of the other metal songs out there. He said he's not sure he cares. He said it gives him a massive headache. Howard played some of the song and he asked what he's supposed to do with all of that. He said it's not relaxing at all. Howard played a little bit of it and just said ''ouch!''
Howard said Captain Janks called into a bunch of shows during the recent earthquake on the East Coast. Howard played one of the calls where Janks called in on a new program as Mark Mercer and told the reporter that there could be aftershocks and it was actually a loud fart by Howard Stern.
Howard said he made a bunch of these calls. He played another one where Janks called into another news program and the reporters took a call from Janks who was calling in as an official from the department of transportation and he asked the female reporter if she would bang Howard Stern. Howard said Janks didn't get an answer on that one. He said he'd like to know the answer.
Howard said he had another one. In this one Janks called in as Tom Foley and told the reporters that they should be letting the evacuees back in as long as there is no more flooding or rumbles from Howard Stern's butt crack. One of the reporters didn't realize that they were being pranked. Janks even got in a ''no shit Sherlock'' as they were explaining that it must not be Tom Foley.
Howard said that Janks got through to a North Carolina show. He played that one and Janks got through as another emergency management guy and he said that they should go to the highest point in your home. Janks said that the storm was caused by a blast of wind from Howard Stern's asshole. They went silent for a few seconds after that one.
Howard said that Stacy Keibler has a great ass. He said that George Clooney is a lucky man. He dated Keibler. Howard said that the fact that she was a wrestler would freak him out though. He said it's very trashy.
Howard took a call from Mark in Boston who said that Hulk Hogan has a midget wrestling show and he thinks that Eric the Midget could get involved with that. Mark also asked if when Sirius was kissing his ass would they let him bring Bianca into the studio. Howard said that he used to bring her up to K-Rock but he would worry about her all day long. He said that they had to do a whole thing with the interns walking her and it was just too much.
The caller also asked Howard about that pimple that he had on his hand. Howard said it went away. Howard said he wasn't sure if he should take a break or not. Gary said they probably should so they can go over the notes. Howard said he went over them and there's not much to go over. They went to break a short time later.
Simon said they do things much differently than American Idol. This is like the show he started in England years ago. Simon said Robin has an argumentative tone in her voice this morning. Howard asked if they have a $5 million grand prize. Simon said that is the prize. Robin asked how it all works because she doesn't understand it all. Simon just laughed. Howard said Robin knows. He said Simon doesn't even have to answer the questions if he doesn't want to.
Howard asked Simon if he's afraid the show could flop. Simon said of course he's afraid. He said he's always afraid. Howard said there's this Karaoke show out there now and they have so many of these shows going on. He asked Simon if it's possible that after all of this trying that it could be a waste of time and be a failure. Simon said he feels that every time he makes a show. Simon said they have the same issue in the UK. He said he thinks that if the show is produced well and they have good contestants then the show will do well. Howard asked how neurotic he is over this. Simon laughed.
Robin said they've hired and fired a ton of people. Simon said that they fired one person. Howard asked Simon if it matters to him if it fails or not. Simon said of course it does. Simon said that he's glad he did the show and he thinks it's fantastic. He said it feels like it's got a new attitude. He said the contestants are good too.
Robin asked if he watched American Idol this season. Simon said he saw maybe an hour of it. Howard asked if he was surprised that Steven Tyler did the show. Simon said he wasn't. He said Steven wanted to be on TV and he needed the money. He said nothing surprises him anymore.
Simon said that Steven wanted to do the show and it appeared that he was enjoying it. He only saw him on one of the live shows and it seemed like a completely different show.
Howard said he doesn't understand why people think Simon is mean. He's just being honest. Simon said you're entitled to say something is terrible if you feel it's terrible.
Howard said he heard that Simon would have kicked Lady Gaga off the show if she had walked in 5 years ago with a lobster on her head. Simon said that would have happened 5 years ago if she had walked in like that. He said he can be wrong at times.
Robin asked Simon if he's engaged. Simon said he's not sure today. Howard said that if he was engaged he'd be proud to tell people about it. Simon said he could talk about it off the air with him no problem. He said he would need to say it off the radio. Howard said he must be proud to be with the woman he's with. Simon said of course he is. Howard said you see Jennifer Aniston and people like Jay-Z and Beyonce not talking about their relationships. Simon said that if he was talking to Howard off the air he would have no problem doing it.
Howard said Simon does a move where he is very generous with them. Howard said he set up that Terri character with a house. He said it's like going on Let's Make A Deal. Howard asked how he does it. Robin said the women still seem to like him after that. Simon said he was with Terri for 6 years and it got to a point where they just couldn't date anymore. Howard said that stuff never maintains. Simon said they were doing so well before this discussion.
Howard said he admires what Simon does. He asked if he offers up cash prizes. How does he do it. Simon said he has to look after them. Howard asked if it comes out of left field and he says he's going to take care of them so they shouldn't be angry at him. Simon said he's just taking responsibility. Howard asked if he has them sign any agreements. Simon said no.
Howard asked how he keeps from knocking up these women. Simon laughed. Howard said he uses a rubber. Simon said he's married though. Howard said it slows him down so he doesn't cum so fast. Robin said some people can't have kids. Howard asked if Simon can have kids. Simon said he can. Simon said he thought rubbers were for kids. He said there are other methods and he won't answer that question.
Howard wanted to know what he's doing so he can try it. Howard said he would be afraid of a woman forgetting to take a pill. Simon said he doesn't have to have that conversation, he's married. Howard said that he must be doing anal only. Simon laughed and said ''Oh my god...''
Howard said he's going to get off the sex subject. He said he thinks that Simon should date a star. He asked why he has Paula Abdul back on the show. Simon said he thinks that he and Paula have a chemistry like Howard and Robin do. He said Robin is annoying though.
Howard asked Simon if he still smokes. Simon said he does. Howard said he's taking vitamin B every day and he gets an IV drip of B12 and other stuff. Howard read about what he eats and how he tries to stay healthy but he still smokes. Simon said it's Yin and Yang. Simon said he knows he has to quit but he loves it. He's been smoking since he was 8 years old. Simon said they would steal them back then and smoke them at school. He said he didn't smoke them regularly then.
Howard gave Simon a plug for this new show ''The X-Factor'' and it premiers on FOX on September 21st. Howard asked Simon about some of the contestants that made it big on American Idol. Simon said he likes Kelly Clarkson but she dips in and out. Howard asked if she had a time when she should have hopped on the success and gone with it. Simon said he thinks that she could have a big hit again. Howard said that she needs to lose weight. Simon said he hasn't seen her lately.
Howard asked Simon if he ever wants to sit down with the fat stars and talk to them. He said no one wants to look at a fat performer. Simon said it all depends on the particular person. He said that when you're working with teenagers you need to talk to them if they're not fit. He said that he'd tell them to start eating better. Howard said he'll get criticized but he doesn't care. Simon said if he can save a life then it's a good thing to do. Simon said there are people who wake up and start drinking soda first thing in the morning. He said you have to say something to them. He said it's like Howard telling him to stop smoking. That's the right thing to do.
Howard asked Simon about Randy Jackson and if he likes him. Simon said they still talk and they like each other. Howard asked if Randy gets paid well. Simon said he thinks he's looked after pretty well over there. He said he seems happy.
Howard asked if Ryan Seacrest is a good guy or not. Simon said he hasn't spoken to him in a while. He said he's very into what he's doing. He said that he wasn't very happy about the billboards that went up without him in them.
Howard asked if he'll admit that Ellen was a shitty judge. Simon said he liked Ellen by the end of the whole thing. He said that they didn't get along at first. He said he announced that he was leaving the day she started and that created some tension. Simon said she had a problem saying no to people. She didn't realize how hard it is until she actually did it. Simon said it can be difficult.
Robin asked what the deal was with him and Kara Dioguardi. Simon said they were getting on pretty well by the end. He said that she was very nice when she spoke about him in an interview. Howard said he liked her when he met her but not when she was on the show.
Howard said that Simon's show starts on the 21st and Simon is very proud of this. He asked Simon if he's ever had sex with a famous person. Simon said yes. He wasn't going to say who it was of course. Howard asked if it was Queen Elizabeth. Simon said he had a bizarre blind date with Denise Richards once. Howard said she's a piece of ass. Simon said they went on a blind date. He she showed up 8 months pregnant. Howard said that sounds like a turn off.
Howard asked Simon if he has a private jet. Simon said he does not. Howard wondered what he's worth and said he pegs him at about $200-300 million. Simon said maybe. Howard said Simon started out on American Idol with just $25,000 for the season. Then in the third season he started making big money when he was getting $8 million per season.
Howard said Denise Richards has two F-buddies and she does everything with them. Howard said that's what she told them. Howard said Simon should beg her to go out with him again. Simon said it sounds like Howard likes her. Howard said she's fun and interesting. Simon said that she sounds like an interesting person. Howard said he would offer the girls a recording contract.
Howard asked Simon if he was naked. Simon said he's in bed. He's in London alone. Howard gave him some more plugs for The X-Factor. Simon said he would like to talk to Robin after the show. He wants to hear if she sees the difference. Simon said it's very different and it's his favorite one. Robin said that he's working with a lot of people like Mariah Carey and Paula Abdul.
Howard gave Simon one more plug and said he's a big fan of Simon's and of America's Got Talent. Simon said Howard has been good to him and he likes that. He said Robin can be nice at times too.
Howard said he had a caller that wanted to ask how many women he's been with at once. Simon said he has had a threesome. That was years ago. Howard asked how he worked into that. Simon said it was a long time ago and he was with two girls and they just ended up in bed. Howard said he feels that Simon will never get married. He said he seems to be enjoying things the way they are.
Howard read some more questions from the fans and one was about him trying to get Ryan Seacrest fired. Simon said he didn't do that. Howard said someone wanted to ask if he spanks women. Howard answered for him and said of course he does, he's an angry man.
Howard wished Simon luck with everything. Simon said he's going to have a conversation off the air with him. He said that he'll tell him a lot. Howard let him go a short time later.
Gary came in and said he seems like a good guy. He gives them the straight answer most of the time. He finds Robin annoying. Gary said Simon said that Paula isn't annoying like Robin is. They went to break after that.
Fred read through some details about Barbra and how she got an acting gig. Fred said she got that because she was a singer. Robin refused to admit she was wrong. Howard said he's personal friends with her so he should ask her himself.
Robin read that Eddie Murphy is going to be hosting the Oscar's this year. Howard said he's only 15 years late. Howard said he hopes he puts some energy into the show. More than he's put into the movies he's made in the past 15 years. Howard said he heard that Billy Crystal wanted to do the show and so did Jerry Seinfeld. Brett Ratner is producing the show and he just did a movie with Eddie and that might be why he got the gig. Howard said Eddie doesn't seem to be putting much energy into what he's been doing lately. He said he's the greatest comedian ever but he has to get into it. He said he can't read that bullshit people write for him on the teleprompter. Robin said she's hoping he brings people the real Eddie. Howard said he hopes he doesn't get the guy that talks about how esoteric his movie is. He's a big fan and he hopes it works.
Robin said that there are people who think that just looking at a transgender is wrong for kids of a certain age. Howard said he thinks this is going to be the biggest season for Dancing with the Stars. He said that Chaz Bono is going to be fun to watch. Robin said that Chaz has already lost 8 pounds. Howard asked Robin if she thinks of Chaz as a man. Robin said she's trying to teach herself to say ''he'' where Chaz is concerned.
Robin said that Regis has announced his last day will be November 18th. Howard said he thought it was over already. Robin said he's 80 years old. Robin said he just celebrated that not too long ago. Robin said he lasted long past retirement age. Howard said he thinks he's an angry guy. He didn't get his fame until late in life. Howard said he must have been in his late 60s by the time that hit. He said he must be kind of bitter. Howard said he got his own fame when he was pretty young. Robin said they weren't that young. She said it's not like they were Justin Bieber's age. Howard said it has been a slow build for them.
Robin said that Tiki Barber's girlfriend is in Maxim magazine. Howard said she looks pretty hot. Robin said that she claims that they like to drink and they like to run around naked when they get drunk. Howard said Tiki dumped his wife for that chick. Howard said she's half naked in the picture he saw. Howard said the wife was pregnant when he left her too. He said he should have waited until the kid was born at least.
Howard had some audio of Dr. Keith Ablow talking about why it's wrong to let kids watch Chaz Bono on Dancing with the Stars. In the clip Ablow was saying he doesn't like the idea of letting kids watch this show with a transgender on it because it can confuse them. The host of the show said that kids aren't going to watch the show and want to jump on that. Ablow said that human beings model their behavior on others.
Howard wondered what's worse, leaving your wife like Tiki Barber did or go to the hospital and get your wife to sign divorce papers while she's going through cancer treatments. Robin thought about it for a minute. Everyone said it was what Newt did that was the worst. Howard said he likes that he's running for president. Robin said he's against gay marriage because it's against the sanctity of marriage.
Robin read about how Celine Dion's home was broken into and the guy raided her refrigerator and drew a bath for himself. Howard said that he likes the guy who married Celine. Howard said she has a killer body but the face is a little rough. Howard said she's kind of like him.
Robin read about how many baby boomers don't plan on leaving their kids inheritances. Howard said many people make money for their kids but not his generation. Robin said that only 49 percent say it's important to leave money for their kids when they die. Howard said he doesn't know who tells their kids what they're worth. Robin said she was shocked at how much her father was worth when she was applying for college. She said it was more than she expected. Robin and Howard spent a few minutes talking about the inheritance thing. Howard did a live commercial after that.
Robin read about the upcoming 9/11 anniversary. She said she was looking at Rachel Uchitel pictures and it appears she's had a lot of plastic surgery. Robin said she really changed her face. Robin said she became a real glamour girl. Howard said she looked super sexy when he saw her out on the street one day before the whole Tiger Woods thing. Howard said she's sort of a joke now but she was kind of hot then. He said that everyone should turn themselves into a glamour puss. Robin said that Rachel is upset that the Daily News has quoted her saying that she's glad that Andy died on 9/11. They claim Rachel said that she was thinking that it was best it ended the way it did because it would have been tragic if they had married and fought and then divorced.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that Barbra Streisand was known as a singer and she must be on her green drink to think that she wasn't. Howard ended up hanging up on her in the middle of a sentence.
Robin read about how Zagats has named the best fast food restaurants. They have named Five Guys as the best in the country. Subway beats McDonald's now in the bigger chains. Robin said Starbucks still won for coffee. Robin said that McDonald's still has the best fries.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he gets frustrated when he misses a guest that he didn't know was going to be on. He asked if they could get tweets or something letting them know what's coming up. Howard said when he announces he has a guest coming in they get hounded. He said that guests will cancel on him if they get those requests. Howard said they keep it quiet and hide from their fellow employees. Howard said they do tweet it out in the morning sometimes on Twitter @SternShow. Howard said he seems to be hated everywhere though. He said when he started there they used to say he was a partner but now he's just an asshole to them.
Robin read about how some people were jailed in Mexico for posting some false messages on Facebook about a school being under attack by terrorists. Robin said they could get 30 years in jail for that.
Robin had some audio of Donald Rumsfeld talking about the 10th anniversary of 9/11. That led to Howard and Robin talking about the terrorist attacks for a few minutes.
Robin read about Soulja Boi who has put out a song called ''Lets Be Real'' and a song called ''Kiss Me.'' Robin said that the song has gotten him into some trouble. Howard let it play and said he can't believe that anyone listens to this. In the song he says ''fuck the troops'' among other things like the FBI. Robin said that he has come out and apologized for the song.
Robin read about how the iPhone 5 prototype has been lost by an Apple employee again. Robin said they're thinking that maybe it's a publicity stunt. Robin said they're going to make another position in Apple to make sure it doesn't happen again. Howard said he loves this technology. He said he can't wait for the new one. Howard said he read it's going to be thinner and the phone camera will go to 8 megapixels. Howard said he never uses the camera but he uses the phone for other things. Howard said he uses the phone, texting, email, Twitter and Facebook. Robin said she's not all that thrilled with the email and text interfaces. Howard said he uses the ToDo list and the MyCal too. Robin said the Droid does some things very well. Robin said she likes the Flight Tracker app where you can watch flights as they fly. Howard said they have an app for everything now.
Robin read about President Obama and some thing he's going to be introducing this week. Robin said that he seems to be trying to antagonize the Republicans meeting the same night he's doing his speech. Robin said this is another stupid argument that they don't need to be having.
Howard said there's an app that can estimate a woman's cup size based on pictures. He didn't mention the name of the app.
Robin had some clips of some other people like Mitt Romney talking about what he'd like to do if he's elected President. Howard and Robin talked about that for a short time. Howard was talking about how you have to be good looking to win anything these days. That led to Howard doing phony commercials for the possible candidates.
Robin read about a deadly shooting at an IHOP. Robin said that a man killed 4 and wounded 7 others. Howard was still doing his negative attack ads for Mitt Romney and Rick Perry. Robin had some audio of an official talking about the guy who shot the people at the IHOP.
Robin said that Wesley Snipes is in jail and he's trying to get a new court date but the court is saying that there is nothing that shows he should get that appeal.
Robin read about Anthony Michael Hall has gotten into an argument with a neighbor over the way he keeps his lawn. Robin said that Hall's neighbor says he threatened to beat him while he was ripping out the plants in the common area. He said Hall asked him to come out to fight over the planters. Howard said it appears Anthony Michael Hall has a lot of time on his hands.
Robin read about the new movie ''Contagion'' that's coming out and had some audio of Kate Winslet talking about the movie. They ended the show around 10:15am.
Jon told Benjy, as he was coming in, that they were talking about the Robin thing. Benjy said he thinks that Robin is being sincere and that's how she knows Barbra. He said that you could push it and say that there isn't an exact answer. Gary said there is an answer though. Benjy said that Robin was saying that her initial fame was from being a Broadway star. He said he remembers her as a singer.
Gary said that he has heard that Barbra was a terror to deal with but he's seen her in interviews lately and she seems to be self deprecating and funny. Benjy said he thinks they had one of her sons on the show. Gary said he remembers hanging out with one of her kids and he was a character.
Jon asked Benjy about Jackie claiming that he was part of the reason he left. Benjy said that he read that article and he wasn't shocked by it. Gary said that he doesn't think that Jackie is being genuine when he says it's like having another reporter in with Robin. Gary said they were such an insulated group for so long. He said it was just Howard, Robin, Jackie and Fred and Fred was also a writer. He said Jackie and Fred wrote and Jackie was the main, sole, writer. Gary said that Benjy is a writer and Fred still writes and Will does some too. Benjy said everyone participates. Benjy said that he and Fred get credited with most of it.
Gary said that they thought that it would be okay to have more people writing. Howard was happy with Jackie and he wasn't going to get rid of him. Billy West came in and he wrote some stuff too.
Benjy said he doesn't think that he's the reason Jackie left. Gary said that Benjy was an intern before he did that but now he's in there doing the job. He said Howard isn't one to say that someone can't do the job if they've never done it before.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they really pay off their bets when they do them on the air. Gary said they absolutely do. He said Howard will pay him and a bet is a bet there. The caller asked if they saw that ESPN ripped off the Hey Now phrase from the show. Gary said that they got it from the Larry Sanders show so it's not like they're getting ripped off. Benjy said he never heard it until he got there. They had to go to break after that.
Jon talked about how Jim is moving his dad into his house and he really takes care of people in his family. Gary said that he has talked to him off the air and he's one of the most loving people he's met. He said that he saw the movie he plugged today and he really loves his dad but he also busts his balls a lot in this movie. He said that Jim has to wipe his dad's ass and he seems to really want to do it.
Jon said that Howard was saying he wishes he could be like Jimmy Kimmel and Jim when he's helping and he just can't do it. Gary said he thinks that if Robin died Howard would cry. Gary said if he died Howard probably wouldn't cry. He said that even if Fred died Howard might not cry. Gary said you can see that it's just who he is. Benjy said that Howard almost cried when he announced his divorce. Gary said he also almost cried when he was on 60 Minutes.
Gary said that he didn't say he loved his dad much until the end. He said that his dad was kind of uncomfortable with that. He said that he knew the feeling was there. Gary said that he says it to his kids all the time. He said he kisses them on the cheek too. Benjy said he's really close to his dad too. He said that his mom is more open than his dad is but he knows that his dad loves him. Benjy said that he will say he loves them when he gets off the phone. His dad won't say it back but it's not an uncomfortable thing.
Jon said that Howard almost cried once when he was talking about how proud he was of his dad in an interview. That's what the guys just told him.
Gary wondered if Benjy considers himself religious. Benjy said he doesn't have a big believe but he does follow some practices. Jon said that Sal might be the biggest believer there. Benjy said that Steve Brandano might be. Steve was in there and said he's really not. He thought that Lisa G was but Benjy said she's really not.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Scott DePace might be one of the biggest religious nuts there. Gary said he doesn't think he is. He said he's not even sure what religion he is.
Sal came in and said that he's really not into going to church. He said that religion is your personal relationship with God. He said he used to go to church. He said his family is pretty religious but he's not that deep into it. The guys spent a couple of minutes talking about that and then went to break.
Jon said that Howard was also talking about Richard's new album today. He said that he thought it was a waste of time for Richard. Benjy said that Howard wasn't saying it was good or bad. That's just how he feels about metal. Richard came in and said he does it because he loves it. He said he's not looking to get on top 40 radio or anything. He said if he was trying to be on top 40 it wouldn't be real and it wouldn't be him.
Gary asked Richard if Lady Gaga said that she wanted him to play drums on her album, would he do it. Richard said he would do it if the pay was right. He said he can't write a song for her but he can play drums. Richard said he does this because it's his passion.
Jon asked Sal about his time playing guitar and being in the band Facial. Sal said that he was in that band Facial and he thinks that all women like getting a facial. He said they played CBGB's a few times. He said it was in 1999-2001 or so. Gary said that they had to fill the club with a certain number of people. Sal said they had a decent following so it was no problem getting the people in there.
Sal said he was the guitarist and the bass player in the band. He said they released their own CD too. He said he never saw a penny for the movie soundtrack they got on. Sal said he was so happy he was on it he never thought about getting paid.
Jon asked why Facial fell apart. Sal said that things just fell apart. He said it didn't work out so they broke up. Sal said they loved what they were doing but they were hoping for a pay day. He said playing at CBGB was the big break they thought they were getting. They had Hank the Dwarf open for them a couple of times too.
Jon asked about the songs he has on his album. Sal said he didn't remember the lyrics to ''She Looks Like a Buffalo.'' Gary told him to bring the album in so they can listen to it. Richard got in some plugs for his new album and they wrapped up the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about how much they love it being there live. Howard said he had a lot to talk about today. He said it's going to be a very busy show. Howard said he had some show announcements to make too. He said they're doing the Biggest Whore Contest and still looking for whores. Howard said you can find out more at SiriusXM.com/Howard. They also have a Newlyweird Game coming up and you can find out more at the same page. He said that should be fun.
Howard said that he got to see a few minutes of the Republican debate last night. He said that they have that attitude down in Texas where they say they don't believe in government. Howard said they have a really bad fire burning down there and the government is sending them money. He said they might not like the government but they're the first ones to have their hands out. Howard said this guy Rick Perry is a problem too. He said that Perry cut funding for volunteer fire fighters and the volunteers are dipping into their own pockets to fight fires. Howard read an article about the funding cut which was from 30 million down to 7 million. Howard said the system in this country is a very crucial thing. Howard said he used to go to main a lot and his cousin was a volunteer. He said that's who people rely on. Howard said that people don't want government until there are problems.
Howard said the other thing is the social security system being in a shambles. He said that the nuts were all talking last night. He said Rick Perry is an anti-science kind of guy. He said he's like Bush in that way. Howard said he hates guys like that. Robin said he's the guy who called for the national prayer conference. Howard said science is how we win in wars and things like that. Howard said Apple didn't get to where they are by praying to Jesus. Robin said science is what got Perry on the air last night.
Howard said he's been watching that show Falling Skies and they have one lone scientist who found out that radio frequencies hold off the aliens. Howard said he believes in science.
Howard said that Rick Perry has figured out how to keep his hair in place. Robin said he didn't figure that out. He just used a can someone else created. Howard said Mitt Romney seems a little more together. Robin said he's a Mormon though. Howard said that's right, they don't like that. Howard said that he thought they were accepted but it turns out they're really not. Howard said there are a lot of crazy things going on in other countries. He said in the Congo they have a battle with other countries who have different beliefs. Howard said he figured black people would get along. Robin said that all white people don't get along so why would black people? Howard said that everyone is a scumbag. The color doesn't matter. He said we're all scumbags under the same roof.
Howard said he's holding out hope for the Asians. Robin told him to give up hope now. She said that the Japanese are all hated by other Asians. Howard asked about the American Indians. Robin said they were all at war with each other before we came along.
Howard said Retards are good people. Robin said they are but she thinks that they'd have wars too. Howard said she might be right. Robin said that Gary the Retard and Wendy the Retard go at it when they get on the air together.
Howard said people are sick of Ronnie and pictures of him on the web site. Howard said he got one email from someone saying ''Eww'' about Ronnie.
Howard said some people are starting to buy into Benjy's good looks comments. Robin said she might be buying into it too. Howard read some of the comments people are making about Benjy. Howard said Benjy has had some good looking women and they might have low self esteem.
Howard said he got a lot of email about Benjy looking hideous and he's glad to see that. Benjy laughed. Howard said he's glad when people agree with him. He said everyone else it nuts. Howard read some of those emails where people bashed Benjy's looks.
Howard said that someone wrote in about the post office and why it's going bankrupt. Howard said he thinks if the post office goes bankrupt then it's the end of civilization. He said we need a post office. Robin asked why. Howard said we still need to send things through the mail. Robin said she doesn't read anything she gets. Howard said he doesn't read much of it either but he gets bills. Robin said that it's garbage we're getting. Howard said 90 percent of his mail is from charities that want money. He said he gives to some once a year in one lump sum. He said he gets so much garbage during the year after that. He said that they send calendars and shopping bags and things like that. Howard said this is how they make a living so they need the post office.
Howard read the email about why they're going bankrupt. The writer says that they signed a bill that makes the post office fund their retirement and Bush is the one who passed the bill.
Howard said that they got a lot of feedback about Jim Breuer and people either loved him or hated him. He said that he doesn't get it. He said that some people wrote that Jim is boring but others said that he's fantastic. Howard said Jim put it all out there yesterday and that impression of Steve-O was great. Fred said that the love and hate was about 50/50 but there was also a few about his lip smacking that came through.
Howard said someone thinks that Robin is dating Simon Cowell based on that phone call yesterday. Robin denied that.
Howard said he got a lot of negatives about Robin's Barbra Streisand thing. They talked about her on the Wrap Up Show and said when she gets backed into a corner she refuses to back off. Howard read some of those emails about how stubborn Robin is and how she's like Scott DePace. Robin said that's not a place she wants to go. Scott got on the speaker and mumbled something so Howard said hi to him. Scott and Howard ended up talking about the fire fighter spending cut and Scott told Howard that they aren't against government, they're against wasteful spending.
Howard read some more email about Robin and someone was saying that Robin was being very combative and offensive yesterday. The writer said that she's clearly out of her mind. Howard said Robin is the one who bet him over the Streisand thing. Robin said that she wasn't arguing, Howard was.
Howard said someone thinks that all of the coffee in Robin's ass is affecting her brain. Another person said that the narcissism score she got is right after hearing her argue yesterday. Howard said Robin wants to be right no matter what. Robin said she has a feeling she knows Barbra Streisand's career based on how she got to know her. Howard said that's the narcissism coming through. He said that she's just basing her argument on what she knows.
Howard said that they got some mutual respect. He said someone wrote in about one funny thing they did on the show yesterday where he asked about Tiki Barber and Newt Gingrich.
Howard said he did a stationary bike and an elliptical machine. He hates doing that. He said he likes running and lifting weights. Howard said he feels kind of effeminate working out like this. He said Gary does that too. Fred played an Iron Sheik clip where he says ''You are gay and faggot!'' Howard said he's not sure he wants to say that. He pointed out that it was Iron Sheik saying that.
Howard said he's a runner and he likes to run. He said he saw that Reese Witherspoon got hit by a car while she was running. He said she's fine but she had to go to a hospital. It was an 80 year old woman who hit her. Howard said if you're going 20 and hitting people it's time to stop driving.
Howard said his parents still drive and they apparently drive better than he does. Howard said he doesn't care about driving. He doesn't care about the kind of car he has either. Howard said he's not like Jay Leno who drives around in a different car every day. Howard said that guy drives around in old Model T's and stuff and he's a huge narcissist. Howard said he has to get in touch with himself.
Howard said he hit the gym yesterday but he couldn't run. He said he did 3 sets of lunges with 20 in each set and his tuchas is killing him. He said he didn't use any weights either. Howard said he just got back into this and he can barely walk today. He said his ass is more disgusting than ever. He said it's filled with Cellulite and Robin would laugh and dry up if she saw it.
Howard said he's a man and he has Cellulite. Howard said ''poor Beth...'' Howard said he's down to doing feminine things now in the gym. He does lunges with no weights and he's sore. Robin said exercising is a bogus thing. Howard said he's met Jack Nicholson a few times. He said he doesn't worry about exercise and he still fucks tons of women. Howard said the guy is having a party. Then you look at Jack Lalane and he was working out like crazy. He said that the guy who had more fun in life is Jack Nicholson. Howard said he's going to age like him. He said he doesn't care if he can open his pants with his belly. Howard said it's ridiculous what people do to look good.
Robin said the movie ''Big Stan'' is one that Howard would love. Robin said it's a Rob Schneider movie. Howard said he saw it but forgets what happens. Robin reminded him about it and Howard said it was a good one. Howard said he's not sure why his movies don't do better. Howard said David Carradine was in that movie and he died masturbating. Howard said he will probably die jerking off to baby sitter porn. Howard said that's what his kids will have to admit to when they're asked about how he died.
Howard said he got home yesterday and didn't want to shower. He said he's so fat that he doesn't care anymore. Howard said Richard never used to shower and he kind of digs that stink. Howard said he was digging his stink until he had to shit. Howard said he made that doody and had to clean up.
Howard said he has these green toilets and they just don't flush well. He said he had stuff left in the bottom of the bowl and there was more there than what went down. Howard said it's ridiculous how these things work. Howard said that the eco-toilets are less efficient because you have to flush multiple times.
Howard said he's ready to shit in a bag and throw it out the window. He said that's more efficient. Howard said he looked down in the toilet and saw how dirty it was so he had to reach in and clean it with toilet paper. He doesn't have a brush. Howard said he doesn't want Beth to know he shits. He's still pretending he doesn't. Howard said he doesn't shit that much though so that's good for the ladies.
Howard said no one is going to pay to see that guy. Robin said they were trying to sex him up too and it was so out of place. Howard said it's horse shit. He wouldn't pay 10 cents to see that guy. He said maybe he can sing while he washes cars. No one is buying that kind of music anymore.
Howard said that it is America voting this guy in. He said that they have a couple of good acts on the show. He said they have one guy who does dominoes that he knocks down on a big scale and he's wondering how he's getting through. Howard said no one is going to go see that. Howard said he has to be kidding. Howard said he's at odds with what the judges are saying.
Howard said the show is nonsense and he's caught up in it. Howard said Sharon Osbourne seems to like everything. He said she has to stop apologizing to people for saying they suck. Howard said you have to be honest. Howard said he'd have to be honest if he was on the show as a judge.
Howard said he's all caught up on that show now and that's why he's so tired. Howard said the babysitting porn he's watching now has this chick who has a great body but a not so good face. Howard said that they don't show any babies on the porn set so they just have the mother and father who look like a whore and a porn star which is basically what they are.
Howard said that there are a couple of videos that he watches. He explained how the parents give the baby sitter instructions on what to do. Then the baby sitter is there and her skirt gets pushed up and she started playing with her vagina with the remote control. Howard said two seconds after the parents leave that's what she's doing. Howard said it looks painful. He said then she takes her hand and starts rubbing her vagina. Then she rubs her nipples with the remote. Howard said he's ready to blow a load after that. He said he has to try and hold out. He said you'd think that he'd just blow his load and get it over with. Howard said that he has to calm down and fast forward. He said this goes on and on.
Howard said in the video the parents come home in the video and the father says he'll put a blanket over her. then he starts looking up her dress and gets all creepy. Howard said the father gets something to eat and the baby sitter wakes up. Then she puts her arm around him and rubs his chest. Howard said the guy tells her ''Whoa, whoa, whoa... stop the clock.'' Howard said she starts messing around with his cock and then she takes her shirt off. Howard said she's got a great body and a busted face. Howard said that's the kind of chick he was banging in high school. Howard said he had a lot of that kind of action.
Howard said he knows once the baby sitter takes her shirt off that he's about to finish up. He doesn't like to see the guy eating the girl out and the girl blowing him. Howard said it goes on forever. Howard said he will fast forward to the fucking if he has to. Howard said this goes on for hours. Howard said this guy was banging the baby sitter and he looks to see if the wife is coming down. Howard said that's what he whacked off to. Then he took his shower. Howard said he had to whack off before the shower. He said he had to take a shit and then wipe the doody off the sides. Then he had to wash his hands for an hour in scalding hot water to clean his hands. Howard said he didn't want to get sick from his own doody.
Howard said he had a stink from the gym and he had to shit. He said that he held in his pee until after he whacked off. Howard said he likes to pee after because it stops the dribbling. Howard said that he was getting all of the stuff out of his body last night. He said if he was a cow he would have given milk too. He said this is what he does at home for those people wondering what he does.
Howard said he saw his ass in the mirror and it looks disgusting. Howard said he's goofing on the porno guy but meanwhile the guy is 10 times better looking than he is. Howard said this is such a disaster. Howard said he went to the shrink yesterday and he left there in a rage. Howard said he's been going for 15 years and he's worse than ever. Howard said the guy just lets him rant and rave. He said the guy just tells him that there's a lot more to hear, goodbye. Howard said he wants to be a psychiatrist in another life. Howard said you get to hear all of this kooky shit.
Howard said he spent 45 minutes talking about how he's void of all humanity and the guy just says ''goodbye.'' Howard said he must be wondering what kind of bankrupt human being he is. Howard said that this is the life he's living.
Howard said he got home and ate a salad he got from a take out place. Howard said he thinks he's dieting but the salad was drenched in dressing. Howard said he went to Europan for the salad. Howard said he wolfed that down and then wanted a peach but didn't have any. He said he loves peaches. He said someone does his shopping for him so he didn't have one. Then he went up to make his doody and all of that.
Howard said he has an iPad just for masturbating in the bathroom. Howard said Steve Jobs has no idea what he created. Howard said he did his stupid shaving in the shower too. He has stubble on his face to have that Don Johnson look. It doesn't make a difference in his look. Howard said it's so stupid.
Howard said he went to sleep and it was like 5:30. He said he ate dinner around 3:30. He said he can't just let it sit there. He has to eat it if it's there.
Howard said he put on some clothes that he looks horrible in. He said he went down to watch America's Got talent. He said he was a few episodes behind. He got all worked up when they let people through that didn't belong there.
Howard said Piers gets it all wrong too at times. He said that people think he knows what he's doing. Howard said if you're a judge on that show you have to sit and think about what people are willing to pay to see. Howard said no one wants to see that guy who sings like Frank Sinatra. Howard said he's not going to go see a guy who used to wash cars singing Frank Sinatra songs.
Howard said he watched the Red Hot Chili Peppers concert that was on the other night. He said it was a great concert and their drummer is extraordinary. Howard said Flea is an underrated bass player. Fred said he's amazed by him and they may have the best rhythm section out there right now. Howard said they are really good. Howard said he's becoming a big fan of the band. He said that Flea and Anthony Keidis should keep their shirts on though. He said that Anthony has a weird moustache and hair cut.
Howard said his point is that people will go to see that act. He said they put these people through on America's Got Talent that just aren't worth seeing. Howard said there's one group on the show that are just mediocre musicians. Howard said that this woman can sing but the band isn't good. They told her to change the band and the woman said it was all of them or none. Howard said they have to get rid of these people because the music is awful.
Howard said he was yelling at the TV and he's very involved in this show. He said the TV is his friend when he's alone. He said he's like a shut in. He said he is a shut in, not ''like'' a shut in. He said TV is his best friend. Howard said he loves watching TV.
Howard said he can't watch comedy specials. He said he can't take stand-up comedy anymore. He said nothing has done it for him since Chris Rock. Howard said it's tough to watch for an hour. He said he watched one special and this guy had such a build up. They had an animated cartoon to start it. He said he was a guy in England. He said that he started to drone on about this and that about races and things like that. Howard said he's heard all of this before. He said that business is tough. He said you have to come up with a good hour and get on a sitcom or on Saturday Night Live. He said you can't stay in that business. Howard said it's horrible.
Howard said he can take stand-up for about 5 minutes. Robin said that the Green Room is a good show. Howard said he hasn't seen that yet. Robin said he should be watching that. Howard said he still likes True Blood but it's getting very cartoonish. Robin said that she's watching but she's not happy with the show. Howard said the first season was very scary. He said now they're fighting this woman who can eradicate them and it's almost a joke.
Howard said he still likes the show and he's not giving up on it yet. Robin said they have to straighten out the show. Howard said he has to take a break but they have Dr. Keith Ablow calling in to talk about Chaz Bono on Dancing with the Stars.
Howard said that he did watch some of the debate last night. He said that he was switching between that and America's Got Talent. They went to break a short time later.
Howard asked Dr. Ablow to explain the Chaz Bono thing. Dr. Ablow said that he thinks that Chaz Bono doesn't deserve any discrimination. He said the thing that he objects to is when someone goes through what Chaz has gone through and then wants people to call him a man, that's reality bending. Howard said we all know he doesn't have a penis. Howard said that's the greatest thing to have. Howard said that when he grew up everyone on TV was beautiful and ripped. Howard said the country is full of obese people. Howard said that if TV could screw people up by influencing them then everyone would be ripped and look great. Howard said TV is an influence in a sense but this isn't going to screw anyone up. Howard said that people who have gender issues are getting the shit beat out of them. He said if Chaz can go on and present himself as a nice guy or nice woman then it's fine with him. Howard said that it says to children that they can be a little more tolerant.
Dr. Ablow said that if that was what's happening there then he'd be fine with it. Robin said they haven't even started the show yet. Dr. Ablow said they knew what they were doing and this it to suggest to all of our kids that if they're uncomfortable with gender then they can do the same thing. Dr. Ablow thinks that Chaz would say it's okay to do what she did. Howard said he doesn't think that's what Chaz would say. Howard asked what the difference is. He said he doesn't care. Howard said if it makes them happy then he doesn't care. Dr. Ablow said it doesn't make them happy. It's still a journey for them and Chaz is still addicted to food because he's not happy. He said they are never happy.
Dr. Ablow said if someone came to him tattooed like a zebra he wouldn't agree that he's a zebra. He said that he's invading his reality. Howard said he can tell his kids that Chaz was born a woman if he wants. Dr. Ablow said he's not going to have his kids watch a show where people pretend to be farm animals. Robin said she thinks that he's going off into this neverland.
Dr. Ablow said that he has written a book and it's about finding yourself. He said it's not about cutting off your breasts.
Howard asked Dr. Ablow if he would let his kids watch Sarah Palin. Dr. Ablow said he would. Howard said that Sarah Palin believes that there's a make believe man named Jesus and so does George W. Bush. Howard said that it's delusional. Dr. Ablow said he disagrees with the examples that Howard has given. He said that they're at the same moment and they're standing on the same philosophical point. Howard said that Chaz Bono believes she wants to be a man and Sarah Palin and George W. Bush believe in a make believe man. He said it doesn't matter.
Dr. Ablow said that this is reality bending and it's doing damage to the culture. Dr. Ablow said he doesn't like the examples Howard gave. Robin said she's fine with Chaz not knowing what he is. Howard said that they could make him happy by calling him a man. Howard said if Chaz wants to be a zebra then he's fine with that too. Robin said it's really not a big deal. Dr. Ablow said it is a big deal.
Dr. Ablow said he has had people come to him and say they think they have the personality of a double amputee and they won't be complete until they have their legs removed. Robin said that's sick. Dr. Ablow said this is the same thing as that. Robin said it's not.
Howard said he gets what Dr. Ablow is saying. Robin said it's not the same thing. She kept saying that. Dr. Ablow said that Chaz may not have felt that he could compete with what his mother was when she was growing up. Howard said there are some people who grow up just fine with parents like that. Howard said he thinks Chaz has a place on TV and it won't make an ounce of difference with kids who watch. Dr. Ablow disagrees. He said that they knew this was going to happen and people who aren't comfortable with their body then this could point them in the wrong direction. Howard said it'll be fine.
Howard said if someone wants to cut off their tits that's fine too. Howard said there are women who get their tits enlarged. Robin said that some women get their tits cut off to avoid breast cancer.
Dr. Ablow said that if Howard wanted to be tattoo man and said he'd be happy being that, he'd doubt it. He said he would tell him that he's not well. Howard said it might be healthy to see that there are different people in this world. Robin said that it's okay to have the freedom of thought.
Dr. Ablow said that this person is not in touch with fact. Howard said Larry King got married 8 times and he doesn't think this made any kids think they could do it too. Dr. Ablow said it absolutely can make people think that they can do that. Howard asked if he thinks that homosexuality is an illness. Dr. Ablow said he would say no to that. Howard said years ago they said that homosexuals shouldn't be allowed on TV. He said this is like what Dr. Ablow is saying. Dr. Ablow said this is different because this person is saying that it's okay to mutilate yourself. Howard said there are many people who have had plastic surgery who are doing the same thing. Dr. Ablow said that kids are influenced by that. Howard said he doesn't think they are.
Dr. Ablow asked Howard what he would do if one of his kids came home and said they wanted to do what Chaz did. Howard said he would be sad because this is going to be a difficult life for them. Dr. Ablow said that child is saying that they're psychiatrically ill. Howard said that's not necessarily true. Howard said he would be sad because his child is delusional if that happens. Dr. Ablow said that he should call him in that moment if it ever happens. Howard said that if his daughter wanted a nose job he'd advise her to look into it before she did anything. He said that he doesn't get the connection between Chaz doing this and going on Dancing with the Stars. Dr. Ablow said that this is contagious. He said that it would be like having your kid tell you that they want their nose removed because they don't feel human.
Howard said Dr. Ablow criticized a J. Crew ad because the photographer painted her son's toe nails pink. Dr. Ablow said that she wanted to force an agenda that gender doesn't matter. Howard said if a woman paints his toe nails pink and he goes to school and gets beaten up but then the kids see the ad and figure that it's okay to do that, maybe it helps.
Howard asked Dr. Ablow if all of that is abnormal then he must think that two guys sucking each other's cocks is abnormal. Dr. Ablow didn't seem to think that way though.
Howard said Dr. Ablow has a new book coming out called ''Inside the Mind of Casey Anthony.''
Howard took a call from a woman who said she grew up a Tom boy and she never wanted to change her gender. She said that his argument is laughable. Dr. Ablow said that this woman proved a point. He said that there are many women who struggle with their gender.
Another caller said that the people on that show are just about fucking on stage so he should be worried more about that.
A caller said that he'd like to know if this guy has a license to practice medicine. Dr. Ablow said that he does.
Another woman said that she's a psychiatrist and this guy is a bad example for psychiatry. Howard took another call from a guy who asked how much money he gets for helping murders at trials. Dr. Ablow said he does this because he thinks that everyone deserves to be understood in a trial. Robin said she likes to hear that. Howard gave Dr. Ablow another plug and let him go a short time later.
Howard asked what happened when this guy was driving her home. Tara said that he was rubbing her leg and trying to comfort her. She said that she put her head on his shoulder and he put his arm around her neck. Then the guy unzipped his pants. She said that his cock was kind of poking out and before she knew it her lips were down there and she gave him a blow job. She said the ride home was about 30 minutes and she was doing him about 15 minutes in. She said he was driving while she did it too.
Howard asked if she finished him off. Tara said she didn't. She said that she stopped . Howard said that's the kind of story that can go horribly wrong. Tara said that he could have ended up crashing into a tree or something. She said she never went back after that. Tara said that she felt so bad after it that she could never baby sit again.
Howard asked if Chaz Bono influenced her to blow this guy. Tara said that conversation was really interesting. Howard asked why Tara wasn't able to make this guy cum after 15 minutes. She said that maybe he had done his wife before they left or something. She said that she's really not sure but maybe she wasn't good at it. She was only 16 at the time.
Howard let Tara go after that. Robin asked if that was against the law. Howard said of course it was. Howard said that she could have bitten his dick off if they had gotten into an accident. Robin said the father of the kid you just baby sat for shouldn't be getting a blow job.
Howard said he had to go to break but ended up talking about how he saw that Bubba the Love Sponge had listed his status as ''separated'' on Facebook. Howard said he's not sure what's going on there. He said he doesn't stay in touch with him enough. Howard said that he has a long history of women. He said that he had one woman who wiped his ass when he was obese. He said they may have to give him a call. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and sang a little bit. He said he thinks they put out an album like a year ago. Fred said he heard that the lead singer offed himself and that's the latest update he had.
Howard took a call from a guy in Pittsburgh and said that he took a great picture of a sunrise out there. The caller said he hopes people didn't bother him too much. Howard said people ignored him out there. He said he went to Petco with Beth and no one was mobbing him out there. Howard said they went to Petco and no one paid attention to him at all. He said no one cared. Robin said maybe they thought he just looked like Howard Stern. Howard said he told Beth that people were really freaking out around him and he noticed the commotion but there was really nothing going on.
Howard asked the caller what he had to say. The caller said that he likes the Behind the Scenes show on Howard TV. Howard said of course it's awesome. The caller said the one where JD cleans his office is hilarious. Howard said the shows are getting better and they have more coming soon. He said he loves the behind the scenes. Howard said the most mundane things can be really entertaining. Howard said Doug Goodstein told him about a new show they have in the works. It's some kind of Q and A show with Rachel Fine. He said he's having a meeting with him about that today.
The caller said they need less Scott the Engineer. Howard said he is deadly. He said he stays very calm when he gets worked up and he doesn't move his mouth when he talks. He said he's just miserable. Howard asked the guys for less Scott the Engineer.
Howard had Lisa G come in with her news preview. Lisa came in and talked about the Bubba thing. She said she was shocked. Howard said he wasn't. Lisa said she's not even sure how to change the Facebook status to show nothing at all.
JD came in and said he has some Bubba Tweets. He read some of them and said that Bubba was talking about how he has to get off of the social networks for a while. He's concentrating on him and Tyler only. Howard said this doesn't sound good. Howard said he turned to Beth at the wedding and said that it wasn't going to last. Robin said she wondered why Heather was marrying Bubba. Fred said he thought they had a great marriage. Robin said based on looks alone it didn't make sense. Howard said she's a sexy gal. Howard wondered if he caught her cheating or something.
JD said that Bubba did tweet to Heather ''Where are you?'' Howard said that's not good. He wondered who is going to wipe his ass now. Robin said she thinks Bubba can do that on his own now. Howard said that guy does work hard. Lisa said she thinks that he gained back a lot of weight. Howard said he's not sad yet. He said that he won't be sad until he talks to Bubba himself.
Howard said they'll get him on the air and find out what's going on. Lisa said maybe Heather ran away with Brent.
Lisa got to her news preview and said they spoke to Steve Leeds about Howard's confusion with him and Harvey Leeds. Howard said that Steve told him that he's going to take down the pictures of him that he put up. Howard said he doesn't need him to post anything for him. He said he finds it interesting that Steve finds it necessary to post pictures of him. He said that he has no business doing that.
Howard said he doesn't put pictures of other people on his own Facebook page. Steve puts pictures of him up and he doesn't need to do that. Howard said Steve was waiting outside his door there in the compound. He asked how he even got back there. Howard asked Gary and Ronnie how he got there. Ronnie said he made like he was going in to talk to Tracey and he popped out of her office when Howard came out. Howard said he was groggy when he came out.
Gary came in and told Howard that Steve is allowed in there because he works with the talent. Howard said it's time to cut off his access. Howard said that they have to turn this into a David Koresh kind of compound there. They have to keep people like that out of there. Howard said Steve came to him and told him that he was taking down the pictures. Gary said Steve had already told him that and he told Howard that himself. Howard said he doesn't know the difference between Steve and Harvey.
Gary said Steve said to him that he's worked with him since WRNW. Howard said that's just not true. Robin said Steve claims that Howard talked to him about some big decision he was making in his career years ago. Howard said he doesn't remember doing that. Robin said that Steve claims that he spoke to Howard about moving to Detroit and encouraged him to go. Howard said if that's true then it was the worst advice he ever got. He said it was the shittiest station in the country.
Howard said Steve waiting outside his door is wrong. Gary said that he thinks they cut off his access. Howard said he was waiting right outside the door. Howard said he was telling Steve he was just doing on-air shtick but that's not true. He said he was just trying to calm things down and get out of there.
Howard said he just wants to go home after he naps. He said no one gets that. Gary said even Tim doesn't understand it. Howard said Tim is always asking for meetings for things that he doesn't need to meet over. Howard said he blew Tim off and he felt bad so he felt guilty about it and had to have a way too long conversation with him.
Howard had asked Jason to stop making noise when he's sleeping in his office. He said that JD just let him know it was Scott who was making noise. Howard said JD should keep Scott out of his office then.
Howard said he doesn't get why Steve has to put up pictures of him on his Facebook page. Steve said that they've already been published but he doesn't care. Gary said that Steve is also in that picture. Howard said he didn't even notice. Howard said Steve is very short so he didn't see him in the picture. Howard said Steve can put up pictures of himself all he wants.
Lisa said that Ralph has a new app out for Apple products and it's called ''Champion Magazine.'' It's only on the iPad right now. Howard said he saw it and liked it. Howard said he saw that Sam Simon had contacted him about it and talked about how annoying Ralph is going to be if he gets to be rich. Howard said the app looks very nice. Ralph writes about comic books in the app.
Howard said Sam thinks they're going to make a bunch of money. He said that he'd like that so he doesn't have to support Ralph the rest of his life. Howard said he wishes that Sam would just give him the money up front so he doesn't have to support him.
Howard said he used to read comic books when he was young but he's 57 now. Howard said Ralph is like 54 and he's still reading them.
Lisa said they spoke to John Bolaris about how he gave Beth and Howard some information about the hurricane. Lisa said that John said he's not their personal meteorologist but he did give them some advice on that. Howard thanked Lisa for her update. Robin laughed when she heard they contacted a weatherman about that. Howard said that he caused more alarm than the other weather guys. Howard said he's a friend of theirs and they took the call from him. Robin was laughing. Howard said John called them. He said that he asked Beth to follow him on Twitter and they said they would. Howard asked what the fuck is so funny. Howard said he's getting out of there. He's had it with all of them.
Howard said Robin needs help. He said that she's nuts. Robin was laughing her ass off at the whole thing. Howard said he doesn't understand what's so funny. Fred backed Howard up saying that she's nuts today. Robin said she's glad that he has a personal weather person. Howard said he's a friend. Howard said he called a doctor for a medical opinion the other day too. He asked if that's funny too. Robin was just laughing and laughing.
Howard said Mike probably thought he couldn't get off of that whole thing once he made that decision. Howard said he thinks that he should get over Robin laughing at him right now. Chris said that would be a good idea.
Howard asked Chris if he's angry that Mike is doing okay without him. Chris said that they're doing great over there making a ton of money and he can't even get a couple of calls on Sirius XM. He said that there are times when he doesn't have any calls on his show. Howard said it gets depressing. Chris said that Mike is doing really well and he's with the Mets and the Yankees all the time now. Chris asked for the fans to call him today.
Chris said he has bigger problems to worry about. He said he has this channel he has to run. He said they have a new guy on in the mornings. Howard said this guy was a former manager of the Mets and he was kicked off the team. He was kicked off of ESPN for having an affair. Now he's working there on Chris' channel. Howard asked Chris if he had to tell him that he can't have a female intern. Chris said he did not have to do that. Chris said the guy didn't do anything wrong in the Port St. Lucie thing. He said that he has a beautiful wife too. He said he doesn't know where they stand but they live in the same house. Howard said he heard this guy Steve Phillips is a good guy. Chris said he really is. Howard asked what the intern looks like. Chris said he has a male intern. Howard said that story must be true then. Chris said that those are the kind of decisions he has to make. He said this job takes a lot of things out of you.
Chris said that Howard told him that he had to get used to it because the shows are really long without so many commercials. Chris said that it's a long time on the air when you don't have that many commercials. Howard said people don't know what it's like. He said this is like their Vietnam. Chris said Howard was a thousand percent right when he told him how long the show was going to be.
Howard asked Chris about hiring Steve and if he had to tell management what he was doing. Chris said that he didn't. He said he went to breakfast with him one morning.
Howard said that Chris is the Mad Dog and he has to have a discussion about pussy with this guy. Chris said that Steve brought it up. He said he told him about what was going on and his whole family situation. He said he heard about going to rehab and therapy and all of this stuff. Howard said they might have to have him on this show. Chris said he really should. He said that this guy works really hard and he comes in at 5:30 every morning.
Howard said he heard that Chris makes him wear a chastity belt. Chris said he doesn't do that. Chris said he has this guy Dino on his channel and he bad mouths him all the time. He said he gets annoyed with that sometimes.
Howard asked Chris if he's ever going to be tempted by an intern working there. Chris said that will never happen. He said tempted is one thing but doing it is another. He said he would never do anything like that.
Chris told Howard that the Rolling Stone article about him was great. He said that he had to save it to read all the way through in one read. He said he saw the second half of Private Parts too because his wife was watching it. Chris said that his wife loved the movie and he couldn't believe it.
Howard asked if Steve could be an intern pageant judge. Chris said he thinks that he could handle that. Howard said that he might be the biggest expert out there. Howard said he's fucked up his whole life with interns. Chris said he's great on the air though. Chris said he's got a great line up over there.
Chris said that they're trying to find a good partner for Steve and they have a guy starting on the 19th of this month. He said they had to fire someone two days ago. He said that was tough. Howard asked if Steve is his Charlie Sheen. Chris said that Dino is his Charlie Sheen.
Howard asked what happened to the guy they fired. Chris said the guy didn't have an edge. Howard said he heard that the guy wouldn't sleep with Steve so that's why they fired him. Chris laughed and said that's not true.
Howard asked Chris about his sex life with his wife and if she likes dirty talk. Chris said that they do things that people do in bed. He said that she calls him Chris in bed. Sometimes she calls him Chrissy.
Howard asked Chris about working on the channel and how hard it is to find a good morning show. Chris said that it's hard to find something good. He said that they've had 6 shows so far. He said he has a lot of competition. Howard said he has his own sports guy, Scott Ferrall, on his channel too.
Howard asked Chris if he thinks that he'll get renewed when his contract is up. Chris said that he thinks he's given them every ounce of energy since he got there. He said that he thinks Mel would keep him. He said that Mel is a business man. He said that he will do what he has to do. Chris said that this is a business relationship. He said that he won't pay the money he pays if he doesn't think he's good. His contract is another year and a half. Chris said he's keeping an eye on what's happening there. He said the stock is up and down and up and down. Howard said he'll give him his stock if he wants some wall paper.
Howard asked Chris if he still goes on the Imus show. Chris said he hasn't been on in about a year. He said that he's given money to his ranch. Howard said he felt and about his brother dying. Chris said that was sad. Howard said he didn't know Fred Imus but he knows Don and he's not writing him any notes about that.
Chris said Imus has a private jet that he let him use once. Howard said that's wild. Chris said that the guy does help the kids out with cancer. He said that they have a nice ranch that they have the kids to in the summer. Howard said he buys things for the ranch with the donations he gets. Howard said he should have put the money for the plane into the ranch. Chris said he thinks that his heart is in the right place. He said he knows that they have some bad blood there. Howard said there is no bad blood. He just kicked Imus' ass in the ratings.
Howard asked Chris if he thinks that Tiger Woods will ever win again. Chris said he thinks that he will. He said he's had a lot of injuries and he's going through a lot of stuff. Chris said that he changed caddies and things like that. Chris said it's time for that guy to go away. They spent a couple of minutes talking about the caddy and how wrong it is for him to take any credit for someone winning.
Howard said that football is starting up soon but he doesn't watch that stuff. Howard said he doesn't start watching until the playoffs.
Chris and Howard talked about Michael Vick. Chris said that he served his time and he should be left alone. He said he got $40 million guaranteed. He said that he has every right to that.
Howard asked Chris if he watches Dancing with the Stars. Chris said he doesn't watch that stuff. He said he can't believe Howard watches that. Howard asked Chris if Chaz Bono is a man. Chris said that he would say he is a man.
Chris told Howard that he did great on Letterman the last time he was on. He said that Dave really loves Howard. Howard said of course he does. Chris said that Dave respects Howard on a level that makes it seem like he thinks Howard is more important to his show than even Dave is.
Howard asked how he thinks could bang more interns, Letterman or Steve Phillips. Chris said he thinks that Dave has had more. He said that Steve has only had two that he knows of.
Howard asked Chris to talk about football. Chris said there are about 8 teams that have a shot of getting into the Super Bowl this season. He ran down a list of teams and said that two of those teams, Green Bay and New Orleans, are playing tonight. Chris went over who he thinks will win and Howard said he has no idea what he just said.
Chris said he's upset with the US Tennis people because they want to get all of these games in before Sunday. He said that the men are going to be playing 4 matches in a row. He said that it's going to be really tough on the players. Chris said that some of the guys have already played their matches so it's not fair. He said that they're so wrapped up with CBS that they're going to squeeze it all into a couple of days.
Howard asked what tennis player is the sexiest out there. Chris mentioned one so Howard asked if he has ever ran off a batch to her. Chris laughed and said he hasn't.
Howard asked if he has heard the impression Sour Shoes does of Mad Dog. Chris said that he's heard about him but he's never heard it. Howard played a clip of Sour Shoes doing the impression on his radio show. Chris said he really is good. Chris said he's excellent. Chris said that is great. Howard said he's sensational.
Chris said that he did something for his old man's birthday. Howard said he didn't hear about this. Chris said he flew out to Albuquerque and he told his dad he had to sign for something that morning. There was a FedEx package coming. He ended up knocking on his door and surprised him. He said he thought it was a big deal. Howard didn't seem to think it was. Howard said that his dad probably wanted to see a stripper instead.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that for years when Mad Dog picks a team he's the biggest mush. Chris said he's right. Chris said that a year and a half ago he sent his brother to Vegas and had him put $2,500 on the Giants to win. He said that they won and he opened the envelope and they had 18-1 odds so he won $47,500 for that.
The caller said that he picked the Cowboys a couple of years ago and he bet on them. Chris said he's not sure why anyone would like the Cowboys. He said there are a lot of young fans out there and they're obnoxious. He said that he hates Dallas. The caller said Chris just throws stuff out there and he doesn't even have a football team of his own. Chris said he doesn't but who cares.
Howard said that Chris has his own channel there at Sirius. Chris said that he has 6,800 followers on Twitter and that's a disgrace.
Howard asked when he last had sex. Chris said it was recently. Howard said he had sex last night... He masturbated. Howard said he watched some baby sitter porn. Chris asked if she gets annoyed. Howard said she can handle it. Chris said he thinks that all men masturbate. Howard asked when he does it. Chris said that he has been in a hotel late at night and has done it.
Howard asked Chris who he masturbates to. Chris jokingly said that he masturbates to the Giants baseball team. He said he watches video and doesn't go for the magazines.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that they have to have Dino Costa on Howard's show. He said that Howard would love him. Howard said he loves that he makes fun of Chris. the caller said that Dino hates Obama and he tries to sound like Rush Limbaugh.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he's been a fan of Chris' for a long time but he didn't know what a prude he was. Chris said that he can swear. He said he won't swear on radio but he will swear in front of the kids. Howard told him to say cunt. Chris said he did that last time he was on. Chris said that he says ''god damn it'' and thinks that's a bad word.
Howard asked Chris if he has ever eaten a woman's ass. Chris said he can't say he has. Chris asked if he ever has. Howard said he doesn't go for it. Howard asked if he's tried anal. Chris said he hasn't done that either. He hasn't peed on a woman either. Howard said he did it in the shower once. Chris was disgusted by that. Howard asked if it's important to him that his wife swallows. Chris said it's not. Howard said it might be a sign of love. Chris said that it's the intimate stuff that's a sign of love. Chris said that when you come home at night and your wife has dinner on the table is a sign of love.
Howard asked Chris if he knows that Ronnie the Limo Driver has 150,000 followers on Twitter. Chris said it's embarrassing that he only has 6,800. Howard said Ronnie is verified too. Chris isn't.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he listens to Chris all the time. He said he should be on Howard's channel. Howard said he has his own channel. The caller said no one listens though. Chris laughed.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what Chris thinks about the Detroit Lions this year. Chris said he thinks they'll be good this season.
Howard gave Chris some plugs for his radio show that's on from 2-7 on channel 86. Chris told Howard that he does a tremendous job there. Chris said that he'd hire Howard for his channel. He said he can see why he's the all time great.
Howard said he sees that Chris isn't verified on Twitter so they'll do what they can to help. He wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard told Gary to get Bubba on the phone during the news and he'll put him on. Gary said he'd call right now.
Gary came in and said that Bubba is on the line and he can't talk about what's going on. He told Howard he can't curse either. Howard got him on the line and asked why he can't talk about his wife. Bubba said he doesn't want to talk about her like Howard doesn't want to talk about Alison. Howard said he's concerned about Bubba. Howard said he was at his wedding and he turned to some people and said that it wasn't going to last. He said he told his wife that. Bubba said he almost made it 5 years. Howard asked if he doesn't know where his wife is. Bubba said everything is fine but he just can't talk about it.
Howard said he thinks that Heather said to Bubba that maybe he's not the powerhouse she thought he was. Robin asked if he put his status on Facebook as ''Separated.'' Bubba said that he can't talk about it. Howard asked how soon he'll be dating. Bubba said that he can't talk about it. Spice Boy said that his new agent is Facebook.
Howard asked if Spice is right that it started 5 years ago. Bubba said that they could end up back together. He said he has moved out of the house. Howard asked if he caught her cheating. Bubba said ''it's not because of nothing.'' He said that he would take the blame for everything. Howard asked if he cheated on his wife. Bubba just said he'd take the blame for everything. Howard said he's known for cheating. Bubba said he loves Howard but he wants to beat his ass. Spice asked if he's taking blame because it's easier. Bubba said yes. Spice Boy said that they have to massage the line of questioning.
Bubba said that he's been bamboozled by Howard before. He's not going to talk about this stuff. Howard said his guess is that Bubba is B.O.R.E.D. with his wife. He wants out. Howard said the guy just wants out. Howard said that Bubba has bragged about all of the women he's been with when he's hung out with him. Bubba said Howard is full of it.
Howard said that Bubba wasn't able to wipe himself and he's had women wipe him. He said that he even cheated on that woman. Bubba said he knew this was a bad idea. Howard asked if it was tough for him to see Hulk Hogan dating. Bubba said no. He said that Hogan was never really single. He dated Jen and that was it.
Howard said that it's the end if he's separated. Howard said he knew there was trouble at the wedding when the preacher was hitting on Heather.
Bubba said that he wanted to ask some questions. He said that he hears how bad they need him over there. Howard said they do need him there. Howard said they got separated first. Bubba said that he's separated there and in life. Bubba said he's upset and he hopes that things work out.
Howard asked if he thinks that they can get back together for real. Bubba said that he thinks they can work it out. Howard kept digging and asked what the problem was. Bubba said that he's been really busy and he has this new race track and stuff going on. He said he's taking the responsibility. Bubba said that he's gone most of the time and he hasn't prioritized correctly. Howard said you really don't need to prioritize if you are in love. Robin said that's not true.
Howard said that Bubba should drop the race track stuff. Bubba said he's probably right. He said he also has a 9 year old son who has a lot of hobbies. He got absorbed in that.
Robin said she thinks something else went on there. Howard asked if it's true there was something going on with a fitness instructor. Bubba said nothing happened. He said he can talk about this stuff off the air. Howard said there are no ratings off the air.
Bubba said that he didn't prioritize on stuff and he has to work on that. Howard said if she really mattered to him then he would have. Howard said racing a car over that hot chick... there's something wrong there. Bubba said that's why he's taking full responsibility. He said that he probably led her to do whatever she did. Howard said that she must have cheated. Bubba said that no one did anything. He said that he's just too arrogant and didn't spend enough time with his family. Bubba told Howard that she did not cheat. Howard didn't seem to believe that.
Howard asked if the other guys are worried. Spice said he is. Bubba interrupted and said that he heard the WYSP interview and thought it was great. He said he spent 30 minutes listening to that but not with his own wife. Howard said Bubba sent him a nice note about that interview.
Howard asked Spice if he thinks Bubba is done. Spice said he can't say. Spice said he wants the best for everyone. He said he has questions that he can't even get the answers to. Howard asked if Bubba gained all of his weight back. Bubba said that they're not doing very good reporting up there then. He said he's in just as good a shape as he was back when they were up there.
Howard asked Spice if he thinks that Heather was the right woman for Bubba. Spice said at one time he did. He said he's not sure when that changed.
Bubba said that it's so sad that they're not on the same channels anymore. Howard said he's sad too. He said he's worried about Bubba. Robin asked why he's worried. Robin said he'll be fine. Howard said he thinks Bubba will be having sex in a couple of weeks with another woman. Ned chimed in and said that they don't have to worry, there's not a noose strong enough to hold him up. Bubba said he's in good shape. He's 285 pounds. Howard said that's good for a 10 foot tall guy.
Bubba said that he was 248 at his best. He said that he's working on it. Howard said Bubba is down to Jason Kaplan weight. He said he should be down to 235 for dating. Howard asked if he loves Heather. Bubba said he does. He said it's not easy dating people like them. He said this lifestyle is hard and the hours are hard. Bubba said that they work two shows so this is tough stuff. Howard asked if he wants to be back together with her. Bubba said he'd need a lot of counseling. Howard asked if she needs to make changes. Bubba said that she's fine and he's the one who has to be a better person.
Howard thanked Bubba for talking to them. Robin said it was good talking to them. Bubba told Howard he didn't like Lady Gaga but after he saw her on Howard's show he really liked that song she did on the show. He said it was one of the best performances he's seen. Howard said she was terrific. Howard said she was a great interview too. Howard said he'd send it to him.
Bubba thanked Howard for everything he's done for them. Howard said he's going to call Heather off the air. Bubba said that might be a better interview. Howard told Benjy he can't date heather.
Robin read more about Chaz Bono being on Dancing with the Stars. Robin said that friends are saying she doesn't have any rhythm. Howard said she's a girl so she should. Robin said she's a guy so that makes sense.
Robin said that Paris Hilton is going to try her hand at house music and she's running around with a bunch of house music people trying to get an idea for what to do for her album. They went to break after that.
After the break, around 9:50am, Robin got back to her news and read about Lenny Dykstra and the legal troubles he's been in. Robin said he's a mess. Robin said he's pleaded not guilty to flashing female job applicants. Howard said that seems to work for everyone else but Lenny Dykstra. Robin said that these women were responding to help wanted ads on Craigslist.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said that he wanted to tell Bubba that his wife Tweeted him a picture of her feet. He said he did something to them too. He said he likes white feet. Howard said that was something very intimate that he just revealed.
Robin read about a guy who shot up an IHOP in Nevada. She mentioned it yesterday and they say that the guy was known as a gentle giant until this happened. Robin said that he shot 11 guys at the restaurant and some of them were National Guard guys. Howard said some of them actually made it through Afghanistan and then they get killed in this thing. Howard said the guy looked like a mess. Robin said the God Hates Fags people are thinking about showing up at the funerals for some of these people. Robin said they shouldn't have that kind of time on their hands.
Robin read about how a Russian plane crashed yesterday. Howard said he would never get on a Russian plane. Robin said at least 43 people were killed in the crash. Many of them were on a hockey team. Robin said she was at the dentist yesterday and she had a mouth full of stuff and the Dentist asked if she's ever been to Turkey. Robin said she mumbled something and Dr. Kaufman said he was on his way there. Howard said he hopes nothing happens to him. He said he loves that guy.
Robin said that Reese Witherspoon was hit by a car but not seriously hurt. Robin said the woman who hit her was 84 years old. She was cited and released. Howard said she was released to go drive again.
Robin read about a woman who is suing Madonna for playing music too loud in her home when she was her neighbor. Howard said if you live in an apartment you have to think about the people above you and below you. He said if you want to hear pounding music there are places you can go. Howard said he hopes she has to pay 50 billion dollars.
Robin had some news about President Obama's upcoming speech and what some politicians are saying about that. They talked about that for a short time.
Ralph called in and said that noisy neighbors are the worst. He asked if they can imagine how bad that would be in a high end building with her as a neighbor playing loud music. Ralph said you have to be nice about it because it can only get worse. Ralph said he had a neighbor move in with a drum set. Ralph said he takes off his shoes and tip toes around his apartment when he comes home late at night.
JD came in and said that he has neighbors who come in at 3 in the morning and they have music playing and thumping on the floor. He said his dog barks constantly too. Ralph said that he had a neighbor who he got to quiet down but then they got a dog. Howard said people think there are no rules anymore. Robin said people don't think about other people. They just think about their own personal rights. Howard said people just suck dick. He said there are just too many dumb people out there. He said some people just have no purpose on this planet. He said if there is a God he'd like to know why these people are here. Ralph got in a plug for an all new GEEKTIME that's on tomorrow on Howard 101.
Robin had some news about the republican debate last night. She had some audio of Rick Perry talking about Osama bin Laden's death and how he thanks President Obama for that. Robin had some other clips from the debate too. Howard did a live commercial after that.
Robin had more clips from the debate. Howard took a call from a guy claiming to be Ralph's neighbor and he said he hears light saber and Wookie sounds coming from his apartment. Howard thanked him for that call after a few seconds.
Robin read about an MSNBC anchor who announced she has breast cancer. Robin said the world cancer research fund is trying to get people to exercise and stop smoking and drinking so they can live longer.
Robin read about how Casey Anthony is moving to Mexico in the home of a man who she is romantically involved with. Robin said that she's trying to escape death threats by moving down there. Howard said there's nothing like being a hot chick. Robin said this trial just expanded her dating base.
Robin read about the 10th anniversary of 9/11 and had some audio of a doctor talking about how some people won't want to watch. Howard said he can't watch the documentaries. He said he gets too angry.
Robin read about Amy Winehouse's father being on the Piers Morgan show last night. She had a clip where he said he's glad that the headlines are changing about her. Robin said that he also talks about the good qualities that she had. Howard did another live commercial after that.
Robin had some audio of a guy talking about the remake of Footloose and why they're doing it. He said that the movie is more relevant today than it was when it was originally made. Howard said Chaz Bono would be good in that. He said Dr. Ablow could be the guy who tries to keep Chaz from dancing. He has to work on that. Howard ended the show around 10:15am.
Jon said he wanted to talk about Dr. Keith Ablow calling in too. He asked Gary if he thinks that Ablow is blowing this out of proportion. Gary said he's kind of surprised by this whole thing. He said that he seems to have gone a bit right wing rogue. Jon said he might be playing into that FOX News angle. Benjy said he thinks he's being genuine. Benjy said that he thinks people have the right to change their sex if they want. Benjy said that he's questioning if this is something we should honor culturally. Benjy said he doesn't really know.
Gary said if this is the way he's thinking then he should want them to get Glee off the air. Gary said that this is what people said about being gay 50 years ago so it's the same kind of thing. Benjy said that he thinks that the person who created Sirius is a great person and she had a sex change operation. He said he's not sure if it's a mental illness or not.
Gary asked Benjy if he thinks it's a mental problem feeling that you were born in the wrong body. Benjy said he thinks it's a real thing with some people.
Gary said that he thinks if you made a decision to be on FOX that you have a different philosophy. Benjy said that he thought they were implying that he was trying to be a FOX person. Gary said he kind of believes that. He said he's seen a lot of people who get on that network and sort of go with that niche and go full out. Gary said that they've had Dr. Keith on the show before and he never felt he was that right wing before. Benjy didn't see it as a right wing kind of thing. Gary said he thinks it is. They had to go to break after that.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked about Dr. Ablow and Howard's discussion. Jason said that Scott DePace thinks that Ablow won the argument. Gary said he can't believe that Scott really believes that. He wondered if he believes it or is he just saying it because Ablow is on FOX. Gary said that if Scott heard the same thing on the Daily Show he might say that it's bullshit.
Jason said Ablow was making it seem like Chaz is going to make kids want to chop their arms off. Benjy said he thinks that people should treat transsexuals fairly. He said if he came in and wanted to be treated like a dog would that be a problem. Gary said it would because it's a different species.
Jason said that Ablow is treating this like a 10 year old is going to watch Chaz on that show and want to go down and get limbs lopped off. He said he's creating something that just isn't happening in this world. Benjy was arguing that he's just saying it's a negative thing that we shouldn't be encouraging. Jason said that's what they said about gays 10 years ago. Gary said they said that about blacks 40 years ago.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that there's a school in Connecticut that had a gay pride parade and they did it every year starting early on in the kid's school. He said that when you do that so young there is going to be a much higher number of gays. Gary said that they teach kids a lot of stuff at church that a lot of people don't agree with too. Gary said that a gay pride week is probably devoted to education and not trying to turn kids gay. They took another break after that.
Jon said that they talked about Steve Phillips and the shows Chris is putting on his channel now. He said that Chris is responsible for all of that. Gary said that it may have looked sexy when they told him he'd have his own channel. Then he realized that he's got to figure out who to put on and what to pay them.
Jason said that it might be easier to put it together than fire people and run the channel. Gary said that Chris is the one who is making the decisions. He said it has to be a lot harder.
Jon said that Chris talked about the fight he had with Mike Francesa and it was over getting on a plane. Gary said that Chris and Mike were on TV and you could see the way they would ignore each other. He said that they would go to commercial break and ignore each other and then come back and do the show. Jon said that they would sit there and not talk to one another. Jason said that it was really weird and it was like two people doing two different radio shows.
Jon said there are fights like that on this channel where people fight and stop talking. Gary said they get to have it all out on the air. He said that he has never really done that with anyone. He said that Howard has fired him and he still talks to him 15 minutes later. Gary said he knows Robin didn't talk to Stuttering John and Jackie for a long time. Jason had that with Stuttering John. He said John stopped talking to him for a long time over something he said out in Las Vegas. Jason said he and Jon sat right next to each other and he didn't talk to him for days. He said it was really weird.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Robin laughing at Howard today was funny. He said he was laughing along with her. He said that it was funny that Howard has his own weather man. The caller said that Howard eventually realized it was dumb to be upset with Robin over that. Jon said that it was probably her continued and uncontrollable laughing that pushed Howard over the edge. Benjy said that it's one of the handful of times that there has been tension like that with Howard and Robin.
Jason said Robin has a personal captain so he's not sure why she was laughing at Howard. He said that Beth got to know this weather guy over Twitter and that's the way things work with Twitter these days. He said that it's easy to become friendly. Gary said that he'd take that advice from a weather man if he had a friend like that. Benjy said he can picture Howard asking the guy to tell him what's really going on like it's a big secret. He said he'd take the advice too.
Another caller said that Howard changed his story as Robin was laughing. He said Howard said he called the guy but then he said that they were just following him on Twitter. Benjy corrected the guy and said that the guy asked Beth to follow him on Twitter for his hurricane updates. Jason said that everyone there would have called him for some advice if they had someone like that in their life. It's not that crazy.
Jon got back to Chris Russo and talked about how they were talking about the right word to use for pussy and Chris never answered. Gary said he doesn't think Chris has an answer. Gary said he's not sure what he would say in private if he was having a discussion. Jon said they'll ask him if he can stop by before the show ends. Chris said he didn't like the word ''vagina.''
Jason asked Jon what word he would use. Jon said he'd use pussy and he used it in a sentence saying that Jason acts like a pussy. Benjy asked Jon if he has masturbated in the past 2 years. He said he hasn't and he doesn't remember the last time he did. Gary asked if that's a diabetic thing. Jon said it's not. Jon said that he just doesn't do it. He said it's not a health issue or anything.
Gary said he was going to try to get this chick from 30 Rock that Jon really likes. He was going to ask Jon if he would masturbate to her.
Howard called in and said that he's listening to the weather man discussion. He said that the story is very simple. He said that Robin's laugher was inappropriate. He said that John lives in their area. He said they were being told to evacuate based on the weather information he was getting. He said he wanted to stay home. He told Beth that and Beth was friends with John Bolaris so she contacted him and he asked if he could call them. Howard said John may have called or Beth called John... whatever. He said that John told them that there could be flooding there so his decision to stay was a bad idea. Howard asked what the fuck is so funny about that. Gary said what he said made perfect sense. Howard said John just advised them not to stay. He said that he's a professional and he lives there so he knows the area.
Gary said that this made sense to him. Jon said Robin may have heard it as they had their own personal weather man. Howard said he didn't even know what John did for a living when he met him. He said that Beth was following him on Twitter. He said he doesn't get why it would be funny. He said Robin laughed way too long. Howard said he didn't feel her laugh was real. Jon said he did. Howard said he wasn't really mad at Robin either. Gary said that he seemed irritated. Howard said it wasn't funny so that's why he was asking her why it was so funny. Jason said they all understood. It was just Robin who didn't.
Jon said that Benjy felt tension between them. Howard said he really wasn't upset. He just didn't understand. He was irritated. He's always irritable.
Jon asked what his gut is on Bubba after talking to him. Howard said he's not sure he wants to say. Then he said that Bubba is a wild guy and not just a radio wild guy. He said that Heather is wild too. He said he's basing all of this on nothing. He said he thinks that both of them are crazy and maybe they have an open marriage. Howard said he's just making this stuff up but that's what he was thinking. Howard said someone must have gotten weirded out by something.
Howard said he started to think, based on nothing, that maybe Bubba was getting it on with chicks and maybe Heather was too. He said he isn't basing this on anything he knows.
Howard said his imagination is running wild and he's not sure what's going on. He said it's all in his fantasy. Howard said radio guys are a different breed. He said he's different than most. He said a lot of radio guys are wild. He said Bubba said he was preoccupied with things but he thinks there's more to this story than they know.
Gary said he felt like Bubba didn't want to give anything away today and took the brunt of it on himself. Howard said he sounds like he's lawyered up already. That might be why he was downplaying it. Jon said he thought he was taking the Sal stance on all of that and taking all of the blame. Howard said Sal is another story. He said that maybe Heather has an emotional friend or a lover or something. He said Bubba can get lots of women. He's very masculine. Benjy said that he implied that something happened. Howard said when he hears that he thinks there is something more to it. He's not sure what it was. Howard said he doesn't know what happened and maybe they'll never know. Howard said Bubba lives a wild life.
Howard said guys who get lawyers are guys who shut their mouths. He said that's what it sounded like today. Either that or he really wants her back and he doesn't want to screw it up. Jon said he thinks that the deal is done.
Howard said he thinks that Heather is a really nice girl and he hopes they can patch it up. He said divorce is tough and maybe the worst thing. Howard said that they both have kids and this can be the worst thing in the world. Howard said people don't value their marriage these days. He said he hopes they work it out. He'd like to see that happen.
Benjy asked if he's going to get in touch with Bubba. Howard said he's going to reach out to him but he's afraid that he'll tell him something off the air. Howard said he's afraid that he'll tell him something and he may forget that it's supposed to be private. Howard said he forgets when people tell him that he's not supposed to tell him. He said he doesn't remember anything and he says stuff that he doesn't even know he's saying. It just comes out of him and it's like he's listening to the show as it's happening.
Jon asked if Steve Leeds was waiting outside his door today. Howard said he wasn't today but that was really uncomfortable. He said he loves Steve but it was uncomfortable. Howard said that Tim always gets him after the show and he knows that he shouldn't have to come up to him after the show. He said Tim just came up to him today and said that he has to approach him after the show. He said that he has told him so many times that he's got to get out of there. He said he just needs a half hour to unwind after the show. Howard said he's fried after doing the radio show. Howard said Tim seems to think that he's kidding.
Howard said they've told Tim that he doesn't need to be in the studio during the breaks too but he comes in anyway. Gary said there are times when he sprints ahead of Tim to get to Howard first. Howard said there are a lot of people who come up to him when he's leaving and Tim will lead the way. He said that Tim walks really slow so he has to ask him to get out of his way so he can move.
Howard said Tim works his ass off and he couldn't be more grateful to him. He said that the fact that he bothers him is kind of a good thing. He said that if he wasn't that exuberant he wouldn't be that good of a program director. He said he works so hard for them. Howard said Tim is the man. Jon said that they do love Tim there.
Jon said he hopes Howard has cleared this up. Howard said he thinks he has. Jason said that he shouldn't let anyone who has a personal captain belittle him. Howard said he made a good point with that earlier. The guys wrapped up and ended the show a short time later. They were on until about 11:15am.