|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard started the show saying good morning to everyone who was there. He said that he's still not sure how many companies Sirius XM is. He said for their purposes they're two companies and for the stock holders they're one. He said he can't figure it all out.
Howard said he's very tired even though he went to bed fairly early. He said he watched Boardwalk Empire last night and loved that. He said it was a great episode. Howard said Robin will love it. Robin said she has to watch either that or Dexter and she had to watch Dexter last night. Howard said he's still on season 2 of Dexter but it is fabulous. Howard said Beth hasn't been watching it but he thinks she'd like it.
Howard said yesterday he was very busy doing a photo shoot for Ralph. He said Ralph has an app available in iTunes that's a magazine (Champion Magazine). He said it's for your iPhone or iPad. He said Ralph asked him to shoot some pictures for the cover of the app but he's not even sure how that works. Howard said they have a different magazine every month and it's devoted to all things geeky.
Howard said they shot a group of people who go to comic book conventions and dress up as various characters. Robin asked if he was really interfacing with the people who go to those conventions. Howard said he did. He said there is an article on them that they're writing for the magazine. Robin said this is encouraging them.
Howard said Sam Simon is involved with this thing and they rented a location for a couple grand. Howard said he wanted to put them all in a rich setting so that's why they rented this space. He said he liked all of the people. He said they were very nice. He said he had a lot of technical problems with his flashes and things like that. He said there isn't much light in the building so he had to create his own light.
Howard said he was on his own but had to call his teacher for some help. He said that Doug helped him over the phone. He said he had to go to play B to get it done. Howard said he was very stressed out because he does want to come through for them. He said he's kind of on his own though so it's tough. He said he needed to set up for 2 hours but he didn't have the two hours to set up.
Howard said there from 11am to 5pm and he didn't get a chance to finish the shoot. Howard said this was harder than radio. He said he can't take the time to go and work another job to get himself up to where he needs to be. Robin said he could do that on the side. Howard said if he did it would be trouble for this show. Howard said this is the way it's got to be.
Howard said he shot all day and he had Ronnie there for security reasons. He said he had him watching his cameras and stuff. He said Ronnie was also doing some stand in work. He said he heard Ronnie on the phone with someone and he was obsessed listening. Howard said Ronnie stepped out of the room but he was talking really loud. He said he heard him telling someone about how this girl wasn't going to be hot chick of the week. He said he has some kind of organization around this Twitter thing. Howard said Ronnie is in charge of nothing but now he has a TV deal and this Twitter thing going on. Howard said Ronnie was yelling at this person on the phone. He said he didn't know what the fuck he was doing when he first got on Twitter. He was the one who suggested he have a hot chick of the week. Now it's become his life. He said Ronnie is so involved in that Hot Chick of the Week thing.
Howard said Ronnie is also calling Monday's ''Mund-Days.'' Howard said that's his other thing. He said he heard him on the phone and he was acting like he had a whole organization going on with the Hot Chick of the Week. He said he was very loud and aggravated on the phone. He said you really had to see it.
Howard said Ronnie has a whole life now. Howard said FOX flew Ronnie out to Los Angeles to let him walk the red carpet out at an MMA event. Howard said he had some audio of Ronnie being interviewed out there too.
Howard played the clip and a reporter was talking to Ronnie like he was a star. Howard said he doesn't really want Ronnie out there doing this stuff. Howard said that Ronnie says that Twitter got him the job too. Ronnie came in freaking out saying that he never said that. He said that the sitcom deal came through twitter. Howard said it comes through the show. Ronnie said that's what he told the woman. He asked why Howard has to break his balls. Howard said it's not Twitter that got him that work. He said it's this show that got him the work. Ronnie said he knows that and Howard knows he appreciates it.
Howard asked Ronnie who called him yesterday that he had to yell at about the Hot Chick of the Week. Ronnie said he thought Howard was busy with the photo shoot. He said that he was talking to someone about the Hot Chick of the Week thing. He said he was talking to Zena, the girl who works with him on that thing. Howard said he got the feeling that he didn't want some girl being part of it. Howard said Howard TV was shooting this photo shoot yesterday. He said he hopes they got him yelling on the phone. Ronnie said in the month of December he decided to put up two girls. He said he put up on Twitter that he was going to have the fans pick who they like. He said one girl was bothering Zena about it. He said he told Zena that he looked to see who was getting suggestions. Ronnie said he likes doing it himself. Ronnie said he was just telling Zena that the girl wasn't going to get it just because she thought she was getting the votes.
Howard said he thinks he has it figured out. He said there's this girl who thinks that she's getting the votes and she thinks she should be Hot Chick of the Month. Ronnie didn't think so and he told Zena that on the phone. Ronnie said this was all happening yesterday. He said that he's ending the year with a Hot Chick of the Year. Howard said he should have 12 finalists and he should take them out to a club and have a whole event. Ronnie said the clubs don't want to do that. He said he could do it there but Howard doesn't want to do it there.
Howard said Ronnie was very firm with Zena. Ronnie said there was one girl who walked away with it and he had two girls who were tied with second place so he has three girls up. He said in January they'll start up again with Hot Chick of the Week. Ronnie said maybe he'll do a Hot Chick of the year too. Howard said he thinks he should.
Ronnie said he was supposed to have two women for Hot Chick of the Month but there will be 3 because they were so close. He said he had to put up more boobs so he put up 3. He told Howard the names of the girls, @xxVixenBritxx, @Jen_Duran and @Model_Barefoot.
Ronnie told Robin about how nuts Howard was getting yesterday with his shoot. He said he was going nuts because he had to get out of there. Howard said he had to tell Ralph to back off. He said he was going to let Ralph take the pictures and just go home. Howard said Ralph was on the phone and telling him what to do.
Ronnie said he couldn't believe that Howard spent 6 hours there. Howard said he was tired and he was there all day long. He said he had to apologize to Sam for getting testy with him. He said he told Sam that he was going to do a picture of the two super heroes playing chess together or something. He said he told Sam to get out of the way so he could do his thing. He said this is all on his head.
Howard said he takes everything he does very seriously. Ronnie said he does that with the Hot Chick of the Week too. Howard said he had Ronnie there helping out because he thought he needed security. Ronnie talked about the one guy dressed up like Chewbacca from Star Wars. Howard said there's a woman there who makes a living dressing up like a character. He said there was a lot going on there. He said it was fun doing the shoot.
Howard got back to Ronnie on the Red Carpet. Howard said he was like Brad Pitt out there. Howard played more of the interview that was done on the red carpet. The woman asked Ronnie about the pilot he had coming up. Ronnie said he can't talk about it right now. He said it's top secret stuff. Howard said he's acting like Jennifer Aniston now. He said that the whole interview was about how he can't talk about that stuff. Howard said Ronnie wasn't talking about him either.
Howard said Little Mikey wrote a song parody about Ronnie's poem. Ronnie said ''fuck him.'' Howard said Ronnie is so literal when he writes about Winter. He said that he was writing about how it gets darker earlier and things like that. He said that he doesn't talk about how he's in the winter of his life or anything like that. Fred stared doing his Ronnie impression and goofed on him for a few seconds. Ronnie said that's just the way he writes.
Howard played more of the Ronnie interview clip and played the last few seconds of that. Ronnie said the chick was hot. Howard said there was another chick that came over and interviewed Ronnie. She gave out the information for where she was from but she rattled it off so quick it was barely understandable. Ronnie said that she was hot too. Ronnie said she was from MMA Heat. Howard said he wanted Robin to figure it out.
Howard played the interview and this woman said it was interesting to see him in person talking instead of hearing him on the show. She asked Ronnie if they talk about the MMA a lot on the show. Ronnie said that they don't talk about it a lot on the air. He said they do have big fans there who watch. He mentioned Richie Wilson and how he's a big fan. Howard said this was some interview. Ronnie asked why it was so fucking funny. Howard said he thinks she was referring to Robin and Fred, not other people who work there.
Robin said she watched the Ronnie's Block Party special on Howard TV and it was great. Ronnie said he wants to talk about that. He said that Scott said he was the only one who got hammered in it but everyone got hammered. He said that he got hammered and so did Sal. He said Scott wasn't the only one. Howard said Scott can only see himself when he watches something like that.
Howard played more of Ronnie's interview where this woman asked him about the MMA. Ronnie said he thinks that they'll draw a lot more people having it on FOX now. The interviewer said she wants to bring Robin out to the fights. Robin said no when Howard asked if she wanted to go.
Howard said Ronnie was also on something called Star Cam during the fight. Howard played another clip where Ronnie was talking to an interviewer about how great her body was. Ronnie said that she needs a bodyguard. Ronnie didn't want to talk about Howard when she asked him about working there. Howard said they have him trained very well. Howard said he doesn't want him talking about him so he did just fine.
Robin said she's afraid when they mention he's from the Howard Stern Show and he's learning down her shirt. Howard said he needs to learn to mumble where he's from so no one knows.
Howard said Ronnie was also the star of the Wrap Up Show last week. He was on there talking about his poetry. Robin asked if he's written any poetry for Stephanie. Ronnie said he's not sure if he did. Howard said he figures she'd break up with him after he wrote her poetry. Ronnie said he's sure that Robin has had guys write her poetry. Robin said she has and she's broken up with them. Howard said Beth had a guy do that and she broke up with him.
Howard said Ronnie was telling Jon Hein about how he writes his poetry. He said that he was telling Jon that he wasn't going to tell him his formula but then he revealed it a few minutes later. Ronnie revealed that you write about the sun, the girl's hair and their eyes. Howard said the Wrap Up Show was fascinating with him. Ronnie said he learned a lot of shit with Howard yesterday. Howard said he learned about hair, sun and the eyes.
Howard said Ronnie has a whole world of his own going on. He said he finally got what he wanted. He's a mogul and he loves his fame. Howard said he goes out on tour and visits people. Ronnie said they have so many things booked now. He said they have a big hotel in Atlantic City after them now. Howard said they're like Martin and Lewis.
Howard said that Ronnie and Scott were back stage eating in the Ronnie's Block Party special on Howard TV. Scott was asking where his money was and things like that in the special too. Howard said Scott was looking for his money that night. He thought Shuli had the money already. Howard said that Scott is always quitting too. Ronnie said that they all caught shit in that show too. He said it wasn't all Scott like Scott said it was. Howard said Ronnie looks as dumb as Scott does. Ronnie said that Sal threw up in that episode too. Ronnie said they have a lot more to come. Robin said she loved when they were putting pins in the map.
Ronnie said they have gigs in January, February and April all over the country. Howard asked who the tour manager is. Ronnie said Shuli has a guy who is helping. He said he's not sure if he wants his name mentioned though. Ronnie said the West Coast guy is Sequoia and the East coast guy is Bruno.
Howard played a clip of Ronnie on the Wrap Up Show talking about writing poetry in the bathroom. Ronnie said that Jason got all disgusted when he heard that because he thought the piece of paper he had was the one from his bathroom.
Howard asked how long it took to write that poem ''Winter.'' Ronnie said it took a couple of days. He said he will walk away if he can't figure out what to write. Howard asked why he didn't write ''Winter is when I wear my jacket and hat.'' Robin said he didn't even have to use the word Winter in a poem about Winter. Ronnie said that's the way he does things and if Robin doesn't like it... Robin said that she's just asking about his writing process.
Howard did his impression of Ronnie writing about Winter. Ronnie said a lot of people were posting stuff about Winter on his Twitter. Howard played some audio from the Wrap Up Show where Ronnie was telling the guys about his poetry writing in the bathroom.
Howard said he's grossed out when someone takes the paper into the bathroom and brings it back. Howard said they should throw it right in the garbage.
Howard played more of Ronnie talking about his writing. He quickly gave up on it though. Howard said he wants a copy of that poem to read. He said he'd love to see the piece of paper he wrote it on. Ronnie said it's a mess.
Howard played a clip of Ronnie reading his poem. It was only two lines though. Ronnie said he was done after reading the first two lines. They were ''Winter is when there are no leaves on the trees. Winter is when we say goodbye to the birds and the bees.''
Howard and Fred started making up more lines for the poem. They had some fun with that for a minute. Fred was rhyming and making stuff up that Ronnie didn't think worked. He said that it had to be about winter. Fred was just rhyming.
Howard painted the scene with Ronnie writing in the bathroom. He had audio someone shitting really loud as he was writing down the poetry. Howard said that whole process should be taped. Ronnie said he wouldn't be able to do that with a camera light on him.
Howard said Little Mikey must have been inspired to write a song about Ronnie. Howard said the poem is so bad that the song is just awful. He turned the poem into a country song. Howard played the song and laughed as Mikey was singing the whole poem. Howard said this is like the Bizarro world and in that world Ronnie would be getting all of these honors and awards for his poems.
Howard said the song is terrible. Ronnie said he thinks it's great. Howard said he was lost at one point. He stopped the song and said that was a Ronnie update. Howard said he could do a poem of the week with Ronnie. He said he needs another one. Ronnie said he's working on another one for the Christmas Party.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Ronnie yells at him in the car. Howard said he can tell when he's upset because he'll start swerving around in the car. He said that he'll put the partition up and he starts driving particularly bad. Howard said it must be a psychological thing. Ronnie said that's just not true. He said that Howard is so full of shit.
The caller asked if he has to worry about cutting a cab off today after he reamed him. Howard said it's not that literal. Howard said Ronnie has a lot of anger issues. Ronnie said Howard does too. Howard said Ronnie doesn't even know how angry he is. Ronnie said Howard gets angry and starts throwing stuff fin the back. He said Howard has thrown the phone in the back of the car and banged it until it broke. Howard said that's not true. Ronnie told him to tell the truth.
Howard said they have talked for over an hour and mostly about Ronnie. Robins said she saw the Howard TV special about Richard's wedding and Ronnie was there too. Howard said he has to get Lisa G in there and they also have to talk about Eric the Midget and Johnny Fratto. Gary said he has more about that too. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and played some audio of Sal and Richard having people read Ronnie's poem out on the street. They had guys telling Ronnie to step his game up and to learn what a metaphor is. The guys were saying that he sounded like a young guy or an elementary school kid writing it. One guy said the words were like elementary school kid's words. They also figured that it must be a female writer. They guessed he had a 60 IQ. Howard and Robin were just laughing as these guys were commenting. One guy read the whole thing and said it was a nice poem. That guy said he must be a grade school kid. Sal told the guy that the guy was over 60. A woman said she thought it was nice and it was cheerful. She said it was also sad. She guessed that the writer was 10 or maybe he's a waiter if he's older. She guessed he had an 88 IQ. She also laughed when they told her that he was over 60.
Howard said that was a smattering of people reacting to the poetry of Ronald Mund. Howard had Lisa G cone in with her news preview. Howard said that they have a sound byte contest coming up. He said no one even knows what that is. Gary said the contest is in January. Howard said they have a shit load of sound drops that Fred plays and you have to make songs out of them. You can find out more at SiriusXM.com/Howard
Lisa G said that Benjy and Elisa Jordana recorded a song together. They put Benjy's voice through Autotune. Benjy asked how they know, maybe that's the way he sings. Howard said he knows he sang through Autotune.
Howard played the new song after explaining how he just had to get his eyes checked and he's having issues. Howard played the song (You can hear it here) and said it sounded like guitar but Benjy told him it was keyboard.
Howard let the song play and Robin said they'd be better off recording Ronnie's poem ''Winter.'' Howard said that they were basically singing about how Elisa fell for him after he got her on the Howard Stern Show. Benjy said that she loves him. Howard asked if they've had sex yet. Benjy said that they haven't. Howard asked how old she is. Benjy said she's in her late 20s. Howard said that anyone who dates has sex sooner than 3 weeks later. Howard said that it might be time to have intercourse by then. Benjy said this is going somewhere.
Howard said when you date someone for a few weeks you have sex. Robin said they've known each other for over a year. Robin said that Vinnie Favale had a phone relationship and they banged as soon as they met. Lisa said she's not sure he's telling them the truth. Howard said she might be right and he's not sure why he's talking to him.
Howard said that Benjy must have paid for the recording session. Howard said they could have recorded it up there. Howard asked what it cost them to record. Benjy said it was like 3 or 4 hundred bucks and they both paid for it. Howard asked when the album is going to drop. Robin said he should drop it now.
Howard said if she hasn't banged him yet then there's something wrong. Benjy said she wants to take it slow. Howard said he thinks that she's repulsed by him. Benjy said they make out and sleep together. Howard said no man can put up with that and not just sleep. Howard asked if he has to rub one out. Benjy said he doesn't think it's pathetic. Howard asked how old he is. Benjy said he's 40. Howard said he's like 45. Benjy said he's really not. Howard said this is pathetic. Howard said he's not a man. Benjy said ''Fuck you!'' Howard said this is like two lesbians sleeping together.
Benjy said that Howard is yelling at him for not sleeping with this woman. Howard said he's like a castrated man. Benjy said he's in love with this woman. Howard said that she's not in love with him. He said he can't read the signals. Howard said Robin and Lisa will tell him the same thing. Howard said Lisa is an adult woman. Benjy asked when her last relationship was.
Howard said he's disgusted for Benjy. He said he's as close to having a vagina as he could be. Robin said Benjy can't even keep up with his beard now. She said it's a mess. Howard said it's been a year and she's the one taking her time. Benjy isn't the one taking his time. Howard didn't know why he was even talking to him. He said he's so sick of this whole thing. He asked Lisa to stop bringing it up. He said it gets him nuts. Howard said he's never seen a guy work so hard on something like this.
Benjy told Howard they do have a sexual relationship. Howard said that she must jerk him off. Howard said Benjy has changed his entire life for this girl. Benjy asked how long it took him to bang Beth. Howard said it took 2 weeks but he only knew her for 2 weeks. He said Benjy has known this girl for a year. Benjy said it hasn't been that long.
Howard played more of Benjy and Elisa's song and goofed on Benjy some more. He was analyzing all of the lyrics and goofing on Benjy. He said this was an emasculation of a man. He said he likes Benjy and that's why he's doing this. He said that he wants Benjy to wear a dress to work from now on.
Benjy said she talks about how she falls in love with him in the song. She sang about how she loves his voice. Howard picked it apart and said the whole thing is embarrassing. Howard said he'd rather listen to Metallica and Lou Reed together.
Howard asked if they sped up the song or something. Benjy said he doesn't think so. In the song they sing about being an ''Online Sweetheart.'' Howard said that's what they are. Benjy said they're singing about how the relationship progressed.
Gary said Jason was wondering what would happen if they banned Benjy from mentioning her name on the show. Howard said they'd break up. Howard said they can go off and become lovers and then they'll have to clean the vomit off the bed.
Howard asked how long Benjy has worked there. Benjy said he started in 1999. Howard said he was going to do the math and figure out how long that was. Howard figured it was 12 years. He said that's why math is important. He said you might have to figure out how long you've worked with Benjy.
Howard said the song is horrible. He said he's forgetting the content and just talking about the song. Howard played more of it and Elisa was singing about how excited she gets for Benjy. Howard asked Lisa if she thinks that it's pathetic. Lisa said that he's changing for someone else and she feels bad. Howard said it's okay to change and grow but do it for yourself. Benjy asked what he's changing. Howard said he's growing a beard and dying it. Benjy asked if she's dying her hair. Howard said she does it for herself. Benjy asked if he puts on make up. Howard said he doesn't put on make up. Howard said he's not sure how he got involved in this. He said there's nothing wrong with doing it for yourself. Benjy said he is. Howard said he is not.
Howard said he wants out of this so he's just going to say that Benjy is such a man. He said that laying in bed with a full hard dick with a hot chick laying next to him is very manly. Howard said he's not sure how he gets any sleep. He said he'd tell her that she has to leave if that's what's going on. Benjy said he could have had sex but he's not going to manipulate someone into doing something they're not ready for. Howard said he's been with her a year. He said that she's no virgin. Howard told him to ask if she's ever done that with anyone else in her life.
Benjy said that they've only been dating for 2 weeks. Howard said he's known her for a year though. Benjy said they've only been dating 2 weeks.
Howard asked Lisa what else she had. Lisa said the drummer for a band Gym Class Heroes has given a shout out to the show by thanking Jon Hein on his album.
Lisa also said they spoke to a doctor about Gary's phlegm. She said that Gary actually has an appointment today with a doctor.
Lisa said that Johnny Fratto has told them that Eric the Midget didn't want to be near any scorpions or poisonous snakes while he's shooting ''In Plain Sight'' in New Mexico. Howard said he'll get to more of that later. He said that he has to take a break. Howard said he's sorry that the whole song took up so much time.
Fred said he's getting a vibe that this whole thing with Benjy isn't real. He said that he feels that it's like Ass Napkin Ed and Debbie the Pet Lady. Fred said that if she's really laying in bed naked and not having sex then she must not have very good judgment. Howard said he had to go to break. He wants to talk to Eric the Midget and Johnny Fratto. Howard said he warned the guy from ''In Plain Sight'' that it was going to be a nightmare. He said it's turned into a crazy scene.
Howard tried to get Johnny on the phone but Eric was there. Howard said that he has to take a break before getting to them. Howard said he has to try and get to everyone. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he thought it would be nice to get Eric the Midget on ''In Plain Sight.'' He got a call from a producer who said he'd give Eric 4 lines on the show. Howard said he would set it up but he warned the guy that he was in for something crazy. Howard said that the guy didn't know how bad it would be. Robin said that Eric has already sent the guy a long letter about his relationship with Johnny Fratto. Howard said Eric went into a long letter about that relationship and the producer doesn't care about that.
Howard asked Eric if Johnny is representing him or not. Eric said he is but he must have fallen asleep on the phone. Howard said the producer, Mr. Strauss, has been contacted by Johnny Fratto now. He said that Eric sanctioned this letter. Johnny asked how long he would be gone and what the dates would be. They asked what he would be paid and if it was only SAG scale then he wouldn't do it. Howard said Johnny says that Eric knows his value and the ratings for Fringe were way up for his episode. Howard said he found out that the ratings actually went down slightly that week. Gary said it wasn't even slightly. Howard said he has to get a couple of acting gigs before he gets so pompous.
Jon Hein came in and said that Fringe had a 5.7 rating the week before and a 5.2 the week Eric was on. Eric said he was told that the viewers went up. Robin asked what he thinks now that he's heard the numbers. Howard said he thinks people are blowing smoke. Robin asked if he still has this demand for more than SAG. Howard said of course he does.
Howard read more of Johnny's letter and Eric was asking for a masseuse on the set. Howard asked why he would need that. Eric said his hip and left knee have been bothering him so he might need that if he's on the set for a long time. Howard said he was also asking if there was an Arby's or McDonald's nearby. Howard said they serve food on the set. Howard asked if he really needs that. Eric said he asked Johnny to remove that from the letter. Obviously he didn't.
Howard said that Eric asked them to move the production to San Francisco for him. Howard asked Eric if that's true. Eric said that was more Johnny's idea. Robin asked how that came up. Eric said it just came up.
Howard said the producer asked if Eric is really reliable or should he have a back up guy. Howard said that this part is integral to the show and he really needs him to show up.
Howard said that Eric was also asking for a co-star credit on a solo card. Howard asked Eric how he even knows about that. Eric said he knows about the business. Howard asked why he thinks he's a co-star if he only has 4 lines. Eric said he knows it's more of a guest star than co-star.
Howard said that Eric is also asking for a 5 star hotel but a 4 star is okay. Howard said he can't believe Eric is going to blow this. Howard said he's asking for a stretch limo and an assistant to his assistant Jon.
Howard said that Eric had a bunch of other demands. He asked for a certain number of drinks he wanted and no last minute changes to the script. He didn't want to be blown up or killed or anything like that. He also doesn't want to be exposed to any wild animals while he's shooting either.
Howard said they were doing a nice thing for Eric and this is what he does. Howard read a few more things and then they say that they're looking forward to hearing back from the guy. Howard said that Johnny says he may be out of town during the shoot so he can talk to Johnny Fratto Jr. Johnny also told them that they might need to explain to Eric that he doesn't need a passport to go to New Mexico.
Howard said this guy is giving Eric a shot on TV but it's kind of a bit. Howard said that they will get some excitement going about the show and it's just a little fun thing to do. Howard said he might be coming off bad by making all of these demands. Howard said that people starting out in acting don't make demands like this. Howard said they usually act very humble and grateful.
Howard heard Johnny snoring on the phone. Howard said that's Eric's agent on the line. Howard said the ratings on Fringe went down and Eric should be demanding less money.
Howard asked how much Johnny gets paid for this. Eric said he gets nothing. He said once Johnny gets him some regular work he starts getting paid.
Howard said Eric sits around all day every day and he's not sure why he thinks that the needs a masseuse. Eric said he doesn't sit up all day long at home. He said he sits up until it hurts and then he lays down to rest his hip and knee. Howard said he can do that on the set too. He said maybe Jon can help him out with that.
Eric said last time he was on set he had to sit around for 2 hours. Robin said they're not looking to spend millions of dollars on him. Howard said he likes that his agent is on the phone sleeping. He said Johnny is doing it because he thinks the whole thing is funny.
Howard said he doesn't know what's going to be with this show but he's wearing this guy out. Howard said he has a bunch of things that he's working on and Eric is only 4 lines in one show. Howard said he should just hope to get paid and go do the job. Howard said no one is going to want to work with him. Johnny snored so Howard thanked Johnny too.
Eric said he needs certain things and he can't just go and work. He said if he was an able bodied actor he wouldn't need this. Robin said if he was able bodied he would be at home. Howard let Eric go after that.
Howard played a clip of Eric the Midget calling into the Celebrity Superfan Roundtable show and doing impressions for Mike Judge. They asked him to do some of his voices for Mike and Eric said he could do a few. Eric did a southern accent and tried doing Beavis and Butt-Head. Eric's voice didn't really change with either one.
Howard did his impression of Eric doing his impression and said that he would actually be a good voice on that show. He said he was watching Beavis and Butt-Head and in this one episode they thought it was the end of the world so they were going to a 7-Eleven and ate everything. Howard said that show is great and he thinks Mike Judge does just about every voice in the show.
Howard said there's an anchorwoman on FOX TV who made a reference that there's no Santa so she had to apologize. Howard said he wishes they'd do away with the whole Santa thing. He said that people lie to their kids about it there is nothing comforting about a fat guy in a red outfit breaking into your house and doing weird things.
Howard played the clip of this reporter saying that there is no such thing as Santa. She had to apologize later for saying there is no Santa. She said that she was careless and callous for what she said. She didn't mean to spoil it. Howard wondered how many letters they had to get before they made her apologize. Robin said it was probably 2. Howard said the show probably has no viewers. Howard said that any kid bright enough to watch the news probably knows there is no Santa. Howard said that's unbelievable to him that they made her apologize.
Howard said he has the hat that Harrison Ford wore in the movie. He said he loved it and gives it 5 stars out of 5. Robin said he's not going to get her to go back and watch it again. Howard said he loved Green Lantern too. Howard said he loved Thor. Robin didn't like that either. Robin said Thor was better than Green Lantern though. Howard told her she's wrong. Howard said Green Lantern was really good. Robin said it was a waste of time.
Howard said he read comic books his whole life. Robin said she found it boring. Howard said he loved the Hal Jordan story. He said he loves when a guy gets super powers. Robin said Ryan Reynolds was horrible. Howard said that maybe they could have had a better guy playing the part. He said that Robin's favorite movie was ''Hitch.'' Howard said no one likes that movie. Robin said it was one of the best romantic comedies.
Howard said he was listening to the Fast Food show and he pulled Jason aside and told him to take care of himself. He said that the food he eats is amazing. He got thrown out of Subway because he had so many toppings he wanted on his sub. Howard said he wasn't even doing a bit. Howard said it was amazing. Howard said you should hear what he put on this sandwich.
Howard said Abe Kanan does a show there and he sat in on the Fast Foot Show. Howard said Abe is a big boy. He said he was hanging around the other day. Howard said Abe didn't bother Robin because he knows the rules there.
Howard said they have a friend who went to India for 2 weeks and she can't function normally now. Howard said she told them that it was shocking to see what goes on over there. Robin said when she watched Slum Dog Millionaire she was thinking that's exactly what it's like over there. Howard said this woman stayed in a hotel and she was near the river Ganges and she told them that they bathe, shit and throw dead bodies in that river. Robin said that they treat everything so disgusting over there.
Howard said this woman was saying that the dead don't fully decompose so bones will pop up on the river banks. Robin said they put the dead bodies on a pier and light you on fire. Robin said she was there for a day and saw people walking out of the woods with blankets on. That was their clothes, home and life. Robin said it was frightening to be there. Howard said he'd kill himself if he was born there.
Howard said it's good they were born in America. Robin said this guy she saw lived in his car. Robin said that he obviously lived in the car so she gave all of the money she had to the guy. Robin said she was leaving the next day anyway. Robin said she started taking the money out and he started to take it but the guard at the hotel grabbed it from her and told her ''NO!'' Robin said the driver said she wanted to give it to him and the guy at the hotel kicked him and told him to leave.
Howard asked Jason about eating French fries with mayonnaise on them. Jason said he loves that. Howard said he loves French fries too. Jason said he gets the fries and takes 6 dipping sauces home to eat. Howard asked Jason if that's a snack for him or is that a full dinner. Jason said it's a pre-dinner for him. Howard said his wife must have to watch how much she eats. Jason said he just went to the doctor and his blood work came back good. Howard told him to keep eating away then.
Howard played a clip of Abe Kanan saying that Jason keeps mayonnaise in his desk. He has ketchup and other things in there too. Jason said he loves mayo and he keeps it there to adds it if he doesn't get enough. Howard asked Jason if he was really upset at the Subway guy. Jason said he really was. He said that it's really annoying because they just throw the meat on the sandwich. Jason told Howard how they make the sandwiches and how good they are there. Howard said he used to go to a Subway when he was at college. Jason said they have a lot of professionals there at the shop. He said they're usually very good.
Jason said they have a great manager at Chipolte and they have everything up and running. He said he might be gone 3 months from now though. He said it's not like a long career kind of thing. Jason said there are some guys at places that make it a career. He said the guy at Wendy's is the worst. He said that this guy has been there for a long time but he's always joking with people. He said that he's supposed to be managing a fast food restaurant and he's not looking for an act.
Howard said sometimes they have an owner that's overly chatty. He said that he goes to restaurants where they're not chatty.
Howard had another clip where Jason almost choked on a French fry. Howard played that one and Jason was eating some fries and testing out some dips. Then he started to talk and choked on a fry. He said he swallowed it down the wrong pipe.
Jason was talking about some new sauces that they had at McDonald's. They were taste testing the mixes sauces. Howard said that it was three fat guys talking about fast food. Howard said Jason could lose 100 pounds if he just cut out the mayo.
Jason said that Abe dips his pizza in mayonnaise. Howard sounded disgusted by that. Jason said that he dips his in bleu cheese dressing. Howard said that sounds gross too. Howard thanked Jason for the update.
Howard said he thinks that Richard's family wouldn't eat if they weren't killing these animals themselves. Howard said they're eating squirrel and things like that. Howard said he saw a special on Howard TV where they went hunting and they were talking about how they had to shoot the squirrel in the head so you can save the body for eating. Howard said they'll skin the squirrel and scrape off some meat and cook it in some tomato sauce. Howard said then they'll eat it on a bun.
Howard played another clip of Richard's dad talking about picking up some road kill and eating it. Robin said that she saw Richard's wedding on Howard TV and she saw how beautiful Richard's sister is. She said the wedding was kind of sweet too.
Howard said he imagines that they'd end up with rabies or something from eating those animals. He said he does love Richard's dad. Richard came in and said he thinks that you can cook out rabies. He said they know how to cook that stuff. Howard said they look healthy in the video.
Richard said the worst thing is tape worms. He said that he and his buddy found a rabbit in the wild and his buddy found a 7 foot long tape worm in the rabbit. Richard said the tape worms freak him out.
Richard said maybe Jason should eat a tape worm. He said that was the grossest thing he's ever seen. Howard said he wouldn't even know it was a tape worm if he found one.
Howard did an impression of his parents telling him about going out to eat. He said they complain about coffee and things like that. Howard had his dad talking about how good blueberries are for you and about the articles that he's read about them.
Howard played a prank call Sal and Richard made to a restaurant using clips of Howard doing his impression of his parents.
Howard said Richard's dad talking about eating road kill isn't all that crazy. Robin said they forgot to ask Richard about what the locker plant was. Richard came back in and said that they took it too a meat locker where they can get it butchered. He said you can request the kind of meat you want and things like that. He said he thinks it's pretty reasonable to get it butchered. He said it might be like 50 or 100 bucks to get the whole thing done. Howard said he pictures it like Richard's dad and 50 other cars pulling over and trying to get the dead rabbit.
Richard said that guys get upset if you step in other people's traps. He said they once had a guy get caught in a trap and the guy who set the trap got into a fight with the guy who got stuck.
Richard also told Howard that his dad might feel the road kill to see if it's still warm. Howard asked what the grossest thing is he ever saw his dad do. He asked if he's ever eaten raw meat. Richard said he doesn't think he's ever been that hungry. Richard said that he saw bulls balls raw once. He said they're good fried up though. Howard asked about the bulls balls thing and how you find out about them. Richard said that they used to advertise them on the radio out there in Kansas. Howard asked where the sack is at. Richard said they take out the balls and leave the sack. Howard said he's so glad he's not a bull. Howard asked if they sew it up. Robin said they must sew it up.
Howard asked if he ever eats the rectum. Richard sad he's never done that and he's not sure you can do that. Howard asked if you see the shit in a racoon's intestines. Richard said you do. He said that he thinks that chitlins are intestines and they might have shit in them. Howard said being a slave owner must have been hard core.
Howard said he was watching Jason Ellis show Ellismania. He said they were playing musical chairs where you have to fight if you don't get a chair. Howard said it was very funny. He said Jason and his buddies just crack themselves up. Howard said the show is really good and you should check it out.
Richard told Howard his dad used to sell the furs of raccoons and stuff to make money. He said the fur dealers would buy them. He said that one barn had fresh furs and the smell in the barn was the worst smell ever.
Howard asked Richard about his dad going out and selling the raccoon meat. Richards said he didn't sell it door to door. He said a lot of them would come to him. He said they knew to come to him for the meat. Richard said that they just knew where he was at like people know where a drug dealer is. Richard said he'd have to leave the feet on so they'd know it was a raccoon and not a cat. He said there were people who would try to sell them skinned cats.
Howard asked Richard about his dad eating the bulls balls and if he'd be in the mood for them and go out and score them. Richard said they'd hear someone had them and they'd go get some as a treat. Richard said they were a pretty good size. He said you put them in oil and fry them. Howard said you'd think you'd want to chop them up and put them in a soup or something. Richard said you can put a batter on them. He said they're a little tough. Richard said if you've ever had a liver or a gizzard, it's kind of like that. Howard asked if two balls can feed a family of four. Richard said you'd need like 20 or 30.
Richard said the worst thing he ever ate was pickled pigs feet. Howard asked if he's ever eaten a raccoon's penis. Richard said he hasn't. Howard asked if he's ever eaten a pig's vagina. Richard said it may not be all that big. He said he's never eaten one. He said they do make cane's out of bulls penises. Howard said Richard is turning Robin on now.
Howard thanked Richard for the update. Richard said that he can ask his dad to send some of that stuff out there if they want. Howard said no thanks to that.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said she's very thankful they have Howard. She said that she loves the calendar she got from the North Shore Animal League. She asked how he got some of the shots. Howard told Mariann how he got some of those shots. Mariann said she's so glad that he re-signed and stayed there. She said last year at this time we still didn't know if he'd be there. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon quickly ran down his list of subjects for today's show. He mentioned Howard's photo shoot so Howard said he had one of the guys who was there on the phone. Howard took the call from Marty who was Chewbacca. Howard said that Marty was watching him and he's a professional photographer himself. Howard said that he would have been nervous if he knew that. Howard said this guy's costume was great. Marty said he hopes that he got to know that they're not all nerdy. Howard said they were all very nice people. He said he really liked hanging out with them all.
Marty said he's been a photographer for 22 years and he's married with kids. Howard asked what the one girl Jenny was dressed as. Marty said he's not sure but she was almost wearing nothing. Marty said that Chewbacca is like a rock star at these conventions. Howard asked if his wife wonders why she's married to him when he's working on that costume. Marty said he's not going out to bars and strip clubs. He sits home watching TV and working on his costume.
Howard asked why he chose Chewbacca. Marty said it's one of his favorite characters in Star Wars. He said that it's one of the most popular characters too. Howard asked if Chewbacca went to strip clubs. Howard said he had this guy in a love portrait and he wishes he could show Robin. Howard said he has to send this picture to the guy. He said Ralph may not let that happen though.
Howard and Marty spent a couple of minutes talking about the photo shoot and what was going on with Sam Simon and Ralph. Howard said he lost his temper at one point and told Sam he had to get out of the room. He said he had to write him an apology note after that.
Marty said he's anxious to see the pictures. He said that maybe Howard can send one along. Howard said he'll get his address and send one along. Howard said he shot Marty with his head off at one point. He said it was kind of cool. He said he also had Chewbacca kind of chilling out and ignoring a hot chick putting her make up on.
Jon went over some more stuff they had for today's Wrap Up Show. Jon said they'll be talking about Benjy, Eric the Midget, Jason and his Mayo and more.
Robin started her news with a story about the X-Factor and how Simon Cowell was very upset after one of the contestants was knocked off the show. Howard said he should be upset. Howard said Nicole and Paula have an agenda against Simon. Howard said the girl who was voted off was terrific. He said that they should go with the person who gets the least amount of votes from America. Robin said Astro's performance was amazing last week and he got voted off. Howard said he wasn't amazing to him. He said he couldn't wait for him to get voted off.
Robin said that Jesse James is coming back to TV. He's going to have a show on Discovery and he's starting off with a motorcycle build off competition with the Teutul family.
Robin and Howard talked more about the X-Factor and Howard was talking about how hot Nicole Scherzinger is but how dopey she sounds when she talks. Howard said that she's physically staggering to him. He said he'd probably cum in his pants if he met her in person. Howard said that they should send her over to Al Queda. Howard said that he read that she was fucking an F1 driver, Lewis Hamilton, for a few years.
Howard read some email about the show that they got last week. Howard had some very positive stuff about what was going on last week.
Robin read about a woman in a wheelchair who was strip searched by the TSA after she refused to have a pat down.
Robin read about a 69 year old woman who allegedly chopped off her husband's penis. Howard said he knew this was going to happen more after John Wayne Bobbit's wife did that to him. Howard said it was kind of fun the first time but now it's gone too far. Robin said that they say she was charged with ''Mayhem'' so Howard questioned that. Howard said that should be attempted murder. Howard went to break after that.
After the break, around 9:35am, Howard came right back and had Robin get to some more news. Robin read about a guy accused of killing his 2 year old daughter. Robin said the guy was arrested in California a week ago Tuesday.
Robin read about a 9 year old boy who was suspended for calling his teacher ''cute.'' Robin said that he was suspended for sexual harassment. Howard said that's ridiculous. Robin said the kid shouldn't be talking in class. He's not sexually harassing anyone by saying a teacher is cute. Robin said if you want to hear sexual harassment just listen to Ronnie on the red carpet.
Robin read about how President Obama was talking about Neil Diamond almost wasn't a musician. Robin had audio of him talking about how he was going to be a doctor but he found organic chemistry and ended up becoming a musician. Howard said he must have missed something. He thought Neil Diamond was a joke. Robin said there are some people who think he's the best thing ever. Howard said he's not even sure what genre of music his music fits into. Robin said it must be pop. Howard said he's not sure what that is. Howard sang some of his songs and Fred played a little bit of one of his songs. Howard said he though he was a novelty act. Robin said he just got a Kennedy Center award. Howard said he doesn't get it. Fred played ''Sweet Caroline'' and Howard said that's the kind of stuff Ronnie likes. He said it's that kind of music and older stuff.
Robin read about how Meryl Streep was honored at the Kennedy Center Honors too. She had some audio of Obama talking about her as well.
Robin read about the Jerry Sandusky case and what's going on with that. Robin said that Sandusky gave another interview with the NY Times. Robin said he's been saying the same kind of things that child molesters say. Robin had some audio of some people talking about this interview.
Fred played a clip of Ronnie singing ''Sweet Caroline'' at one of his Block Party shows. Howard laughed as he listened to that. Howard said that banter is amazing between Scott and Ronnie. Howard asked how much people pay to see those two. Robin said it's $25 and $35 if you want to see them back stage at the meet and greet. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about tiger Woods finally winning a game of golf. Robin said that he's back on the leader board after a few years of no wins.
Robin read about how Madonna will be performing at the Half Time show at the Super Bowl. Howard said she's bringing in Cirque Du Soleil too and it sounds like it has nothing to do with the Super Bowl at all. They spent a minute talking about Madonna and how she's dressing the wrong way for a 50-something year old. Howard said that her daughter should talk some sense into her.
Robin said Herman Cain has suspended his presidential campaign. Robin said he's considering throwing his support behind Newt Gingrich. Robin had some audio of John McCain thanking Cain for what he did.
Robin had some audio of Ron Paul talking about Cain and how he thinks that could help him. Robin said that Michelle Bachman has said that she's a good candidate to look at. Robin had audio of her talking about that. Gary said that he saw a woman crying her eyes out after she found out Cain was out. Howard did another live commercial read after that.
Robin read a story about how Donald Trump has been meeting with possible candidates. She had some audio of Newt Gingrich talking about meeting with Trump. Robin said that they're saying that Trump may moderate a debate and Ron Paul and another guy have said they don't be part of it if Trump is the moderator. Howard said they should go out and talk wherever they can so people will watch. He said it shouldn't matter who the moderator is. Howard said he wouldn't care who asked the questions. He said even if Eric the Midget was doing it he'd suggest they go. Howard said they should go anywhere and talk. Trump can attract attention and you need that to win if you want to win. Robin had some audio of Barney Frank talking about the candidates too.
Robin said that there is going to be a protest in Washington DC. Robin had some audio of some people talking about that protest.
Robin read about the 60 Minutes stuff that was on last night. Howard said he was going to watch that but he had to watch Beavis and Butt-Head instead. Robin said 60 Minutes has been doing some great stories lately. Howard said his dog loves cartoons and she barked at a cartoon dog running by. Howard said he loves that she loves it. Howard said he went to watch 60 Minutes after Beavis and Butt-Head but then he got caught up in some other show. Robin said that her TiVo records all kinds of stuff on Nickelodeon and channels like that.
Robin read about the court hearings that are going on right now to figure out if John Hinkley can be released from a mental institution. Robin said they're asking for more visits to his mother. Howard said maybe she doesn't even want him around. Howard said if his kid shot the president he's not sure he'd want him around. Howard read another live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about a church that voted against letting in certain people. Robin said they voted to let in peace, love and harmony.
Robin read about a woman who was arrested for allegedly driving drunk. She was a former Miss USA contestant.
Robin read about Hillary Swank going on the Tonight Show and talking about going to a party for the Chechen leader. Robin said that Swank and Jean Claude Van Damme were both slammed for appearing at the party. Robin said that Swank had no idea who he was or what he had been accused of doing when she went. Howard said all she had to do was Google the guy.
Robin read about Brooke Mueller being charged with drug possession after she was arrested at a night club. Robin said she is the former wife of Charlie Sheen.
Robin read about the Twilight movie being number one at the box office again. Robin said it made $16 million and it didn't have much competition.
Robin said she saw that Titanic is going to be released in 3D. Robin also read about how Martin Scorsese directed this movie ''Hugo'' and he says he did it so his kids could have something to watch. Robin asked if he has any young kids. Howard said he's not sure about that. He said his kids should be like 50 years old. Gary said he just turned 69 a few weeks ago. Howard asked how old his kids are. Gary didn't know. Gary said that he did remarry in 1999 and they have a daughter so maybe she is a young kid.
Robin said that Charlize Theron is in a new movie called ''Young Adults.'' She had some audio of Charlize talking about that. Howard said she sounds very full of herself in this clip. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 10:10am.
Jon asked Ronnie why he goes out to the red carpet if he can't talk about his show or about the Howard Stern show. Ronnie said he was asked to go out there so he went out.
Jon took a call from Marty, the guy who was at the photo shoot with Howard. Marty said that Ronnie is an amazing guy and he was super well dressed at the photo shoot. He said he's not kissing his ass but he doesn't look that old. He said he thinks that people are just jealous. Gary asked if he thinks that he's a talent. Marty said when it comes to the show, yes. He said that he has gone out and created this brand and he's producing entertainment. He said he hopes his FOX show takes off and he'd love to see it. He said he thinks that people should respect it a little more or see it for what it is.
Marty said that he spoke to Ronnie yesterday and he was super cool. He said he was impressed with how he handles it all. Jon said he doesn't think anyone disrespects Ronnie. Gary said they all know he's a nice guy but he can be a bit abrasive with some. He said they all know that he's a nice guy there though.
Jon asked Ronnie if he's going to try and top his poem by writing this new one. Ronnie said maybe he'll read it there at the party. He said he's not going to try and top it though. He said the poem will be about the party.
Howard said Ronnie should just read it himself. Ronnie said it's a bit for the show and he didn't want to read it himself. He said whatever it is, it is. Jon asked if he's shy to read it. Ronnie said he might be. He said he's not sure why but it's weird to him to read it. Jon asked if he hears a different voice as he's writing it. Ronnie said he doesn't hear any voice. He said he just scribbles shit out as it's coming along.
Shuli came in and said that Ronnie is going around talking about how great his poetry is. Ronnie said Shuli is the one who blew it all up. He said he didn't do it. Shuli said he just wrote a poem. Ronnie said most of his poems were about chicks. Shuli said that's what he should write for the shows. Ronnie said he should write one about the chick he met at NCIS: L.A. He said that she has a birth mark in her eye and it's very sexy.
Jon said that Ronnie takes this stuff very seriously. Shuli said he does. He said that he should write a poem for each show they do. Ronnie said he can't do that. He said he's not going to write two poems for the weekend they're doing out on the West Coast. Shuli and Ronnie spent a minute arguing about that. They had to go to break a short time later.
Jon took a call from Ralph who said he thinks that Sam is over getting yelled at yesterday. He said Howard was trying to navigate and Sam was trying to help but Howard just wanted him out of the way. He said it wasn't horrible. Ralph said he just told Sam to get out of the room.
Ralph said he's seen some of the pictures and it's going to be really cool. He said he's really good at this. Ronnie said he really does take it serious. Ralph said that Howard was there for 6 hours shooting. Ronnie said that he already said that this morning. Ralph said it was funny because Ronnie was in the corner talking about his Hot Chick of the Week. Ronnie said they talked about that this morning already.
Gary said his favorite part of the show was when Howard was talking to Eric and there was a long pause before he said that if they ask him a question they should let him answer a question. Ralph said he heard that call this morning and it was probably his best call ever.
Ralph said he had a fun time with the photo shoot. He said that Ronnie's phone call was kind of distracting though. He said he was so serious about this Hot Chick of the Week. Ronnie said it was Hot Chick of the Month. Ralph said he should do something like that himself and put up hot chicks that are real hot chicks.
Jon said that Howard feels Benjy is being used a little bit by Elisa. Benjy said he doesn't believe that at all. He said it's just a nice relationship that's just beginning.
Shuli said Lisa is shaking back there now that she's been taken off the story. He said that it's probably a good thing that she was taken off of it. He said he thinks that she likes Benjy and she cares for him and she might thinks that he's being used.
Gary said he heard that Lisa got really sad when she heard that Benjy was dating Elisa. Shuli said that Lisa has been asking the guys in the news room what they think about this whole relationship. Shuli said it's every day too. Ronnie said he thinks that she's worried that Benjy is going to get hurt. Benjy said they were doing that with Ronnie about the TV show too. They ask him what's going to happen if it all goes away.
Gary said that Benjy and Elisa put that song out and it seems like they're starving for attention. Benjy said it was fun to do that. Gary said that Benjy is no singer. Benjy said he is. Gary said that he's just saying that now. Benjy said that it's out there and it's a piece of art so people can judge it.
Gary said Benjy is always judging people and he gets irritated when he's judged. Benjy said he's not irritated by that. He was irritated by Howard saying he was a pussy because he hasn't had sex yet.
Gary said they're getting sucked into the vortex again. Benjy asked if he thinks that it's unusual that he had fun recording a song. Gary said he did it to get it on the air and to make Elisa famous. Benjy said that Gary promoted his book on the show and he had an ulterior motive for doing that. Gary said he wanted to sell a book. Gary said he doesn't think Benjy thinks this is art. He said he thinks it's to get it out there to make Elisa famous. Benjy said he thinks that he did a really good job with the song and it's really good.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that guys do different things to get a girl's attention. Gary said that your friends will call you out on it though. The caller said that she's only changing a couple of things about him. Gary said that he thinks Elisa would like him more if she could change those things. He said it might be a whole lot of things for her. The caller said that Benjy's personality is great and maybe she'll be trying to chase him down instead. Benjy said that they both love each other and they've said it to one another. Ronnie asked if she said it in a romantic way. Benjy said something changed and she has fallen for him.
Jon asked Ronnie if he thinks that Howard was off base saying that Benjy wasn't a man. Ronnie said Benjy knew what he was getting into with this girl. He said that Benjy is trying to win this girl over and it's no different than him writing a poem for a girl. He said he doesn't feel that she's really using him. He said if it wasn't going anywhere then maybe it would be a waste. He said that Benjy could have just walked away but he's going full bore now. He said there is no turning back.
Benjy said he would still like to lose 30 pounds. He said a year ago he was a slob. He said he's still a slob but not as big of a slob. Gary said he thinks it's fine what he's going for but it's the way he's going about it that he has the issue with. They had to go to break after that.
Gary said if JD came in with a song that he sang, where he was overly Autotuned, Benjy would goof on him about it. Benjy said that they do it in more of a mean spirited way with him though.
Benjy said that if he came in tomorrow and said that they did have intercourse, would that change anything. Gary said that it might bring it from one side to the other side. Jon said that it might come across as him being honest. He said maybe she's asked him not to talk about it and he should just say that.
Ronnie asked how Benjy can sleep with a woman naked in the bed and not do anything. Jon said that he must want to have sex with her. Ronnie asked if he wants to cuddle with her. Benjy said he's just said they haven't had intercourse. He said they've done everything else. Benjy said she wants to take it slow. Gary said that Benjy is a 45 year old and he doesn't seem like the kind of guy who wants to wait. Benjy said if things keep going the way they are she could be his wife. Benjy said he has no problem taking his time with something like this.
Ronnie asked if he's doing everything but intercourse and is he saving that for marriage. Benjy said they've talked about it and she'd rather take her time with it.
Jon said Howard seemed pissed about the whole thing. Gary said he knows that teens wait or devout Christians wait. He asked what Benjy is waiting for. Benjy said when he loves someone he thinks that he can get them to do stuff but he'd like to wait for the right time to do it. He said he knows that she'd like to wait a little longer. Gary said she must have a question in her mind then. Benjy said he doesn't think she does. Gary said maybe she's not sure about him. Benjy doesn't think that's the case. He said she's just more comfortable waiting a little bit. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about how he was up until 2 in the morning watching Beavis and Butt-Head. He said all he wants to do is laugh like them. He said it's funny to him that most of what they do is laugh. He said they're just idiots. He said JD is like that laughing all the time. Robin said his answer is always ''I don't know'' too.
Howard said he has to get up in the middle of the night to pee. He said he tries not to drink too much but he still has to get up. He said the dog is fine all night and doesn't have to pee. He said they can go out 4 times a day and they're fine. Robin said she once locked her cat in a closet for the weekend accidentally and she held it in as much as she could. Howard said people aren't like that.
Howard said he got up and watched some Beavis and Butt-Head and they had a rat in their house so they decided that because it ate their nachos, they had to kill it. He said they got rat traps but broke their own fingers trying to set it. Howard said they eventually caught it and made it their pet. Howard said they brought it to work at the fast food restaurant and it had babies there. He said it was really good. He said the show is still good. He said that's good for Mike Judge that he's still got it. He said it really hasn't lost anything.
Howard said in one of the episodes they mentioned Richard Christy's band ''Charred Walls of the Dammed'' twice. Howard said he had the clip of that. Howard said he thought it was an expression but he realized it was for Richard. Howard played the clip where Beavis mentioned Charred Walls of the Dammed. Howard said that was a great episode too. He said the boys hate school so they go and get involved with some religious group that makes them think that they don't have to learn in school. He said they get into that whole movement and get on TV. He said it's brilliant stuff.
Howard said Gary's wife told him to make sure he didn't have anything wrong with him. Howard said he noticed that Gary has had a cup of hot water with him every morning and that seems to help. He said he hasn't cleared his throat since he started that. Gary said it's hot water, lemon wedges and some cayenne pepper.
Gary said his doctor looked at him like he was out of his mind until he said he was on the radio. He said that he didn't tell him that it was just annoying the shit out of his boss. Howard said he would have told him that. He said he has to talk to him for 20 minutes and it drives him crazy.
Gary said his doctor said there's nothing wrong. He said he gave him some pills that he said could be acid reflux. Gary said he was told it could be silent acid reflux. He also said he was perfectly healthy. Howard told Gary not to take anything. Gary said he got a nasal spray and Nexium. Howard said he thinks it's all in his head. He told him to keep sipping the hot water. Gary said he's going to do that.
That led to Fred playing a couple of song parodies about Gary's throat clearing. Howard said he drinks hot water all the time himself. He said that you shouldn't have to take medication. Howard said George Takei had to clear his throat and he had a clip of him talking about that. It was actually a phony phone call Sal and Richard made to a restaurant where they used clips of George Takei to ask for dry oatmeal. In that clip George was clearing his throat and cursing like he had Tourette's.
After playing that clip Gary said that is a classic example of Sal and Richard having to both get on so both of them are included. Howard said there was no need for Marsha (Richard) in that call. Fred played another song parody about Gary clearing his throat. Howard said he's glad Gary went to the doctor about the throat clearing.
Howard said Panasonic had a great shaver and he lost it when he went to California the last time. He said he must have left it in the hotel. He said he loved that shaver. He said he's too lazy to go out and get another one. Howard said they gave him one to try out and he's too lazy to go get another one. He's not even sure what to look for if he does want to get it.
Howard said he has a nasal hair trimmer that he loves and it's an older one. He said he worries that it's going to break and the new fangled ones won't work. He said he's not sure why they stop making stuff that works. He said he read about how they do that with toothbrushes. Howard said if they don't change it then people buy less new ones. He said they make more money with the stuff if they change it. Howard said it's the same thing with sneakers.
Howard said he runs in Asics sneakers. He loved one set he had and he liked them so much. He said he got 100 pair of the old ones that he loved so much because they fit perfectly. He said he figures the 100 pair will last him until he's done running. Howard said he ran yesterday and his neck and upper back hurt. He said he's just running and he hurts. Robin said that he's doing something wrong. Howard said his form has been evaluated and he's not sure what the problem is. Howard said his shoulder hurts, he can't turn his neck. He said it's bullshit. He said pretty soon he's just going to get fat.
Howard said he's going to be about 20 pounds heavier than he is now. He said there's no question about that. He said he might have to just diet and not exercise. Robin said you have to move. Howard said he knows.
Howard said he knows a guy who walks 2 hours a day to stay thin. He said he doesn't have two hours to walk though. He said he'd like to take a 2 hour walk but he doesn't have the time. He said the days aren't long enough. He said his day is over by 9am when you get up as early as he does.
Howard said if he looks at Beth he finishes. He said that he has to think about someone other than her. He said he doesn't look at her and thinks about his early conquests and he can hold out. Howard said he touched one girl's back that it was almost like a sea of pimples. He said he thinks about her and he can hold out a little longer. He said she was a lovely girl but she made a weird noise. He said she looked like a man too. Howard said he thought she was fucking weird but he fucked her anyway. Howard said her face looked like a puppet but he didn't care. He said he just needed to get laid.
Howard said he was jerking off and it was kind of irritating. He said he thinks that it's irritated because he's circumcised. He said that he just does it dry and doesn't use hand cream or anything. He's afraid that he'll have a reaction to the hand cream. Robin said he's really a mess. Howard agreed.
Howard said he blew his load into two tissues and it was very soggy. He said Robin would be impressed. He said that she'd find it all over the place if he was with her. Howard said the stuff ends up all over the place and the whole sex act is disgusting. Howard said Robin would find it in her hair and all over. He said he'd be like the Mexican guy and her diarrhea hosing her off.
Howard said he got a third tissue to wrap it all up in. He said he has another one to wrap his genitals in. He said he has to get back to sleep after doing all of that. He said he took the 3 tissue wad and put it on top of his glasses so he doesn't forget to flush it. Howard said you wrap the one tissue to your penis and it glues to it. He said he has to wet it down in the morning to get it off. Howard said it's like a manpon. Howard said he forgets about the stuck tissue until he goes to pee. He said he's 57 years old and he's disgusted with himself. Howard said people are thinking about him as a judge for America's Got Talent and he's wrapping his penis in a tissue.
Howard said he fell asleep and then his alarm went off at 4:30. He said he thinks about hating his job and getting up early. He said he gets crazy from it all. Howard said he wakes up and just says ''fuck'' about 10 times. He said he hates being that angry guy.
Howard said he watched the BAFTA awards and Ben Stiller gave a funny acceptance speech. He said it might be the funniest ever. Howard said he said to his wife, who was in the audience, that she had been married to a comedian for 12 years and he wanted to say two words to her... You're Welcome. JD said it was actually the Britania awards. Howard said it was the BAFTA awards. JD said they only give out 5 of these a year. Howard said Robert Downey Jr. was good on that show too. He said he could never do what they do with speeches like that. Robin said Howard has done it before. She said he did it at their agent's birthday party and he was really good. Howard said he thought he was horrible. Robin said he really wasn't horrible.
Howard said he gave a speech at his niece's bat mitzvah and his mom told him he had to do a speech. He said that his sister and her husband didn't want to do it so his mother told him he had to do it. Howard said he feels like he has to impress his mother even at 57. He said he's starting to get better thanks to therapy. He said he should have told her that he wasn't going to do it and she had no reason to make him do it.
Howard said he doesn't need that kind of pressure in his personal life. He said he puts pressure on himself in no matter what he does. He didn't want to prepare for this speech so he just did it without preparing. He said he got up and talked about how much he loves his niece and when he finished his mother told him he didn't prepare. She told him he didn't do a great job. Howard said he wondered where the fuck she was and where the fuck his sister and her husband were. He said he's always angry. Howard said he got upset and wondered where they were.
The caller asked Howard if he had a choice of going on Dancing with the Stars or America's Got Talent, which one would he do. Howard said he doesn't want to judge dancing. He said he likes watching it but he doesn't want to judge it. He said he'd go out of his mind sitting there. He said he likes the kind of people they have on America's Got Talent. He said they mix it up with different types of acts. He said they have guys who try to run each other over with bicycles. Howard said that's the kind of stuff he wants to watch.
The caller asked how it would affect the morning show if he was doing that judging thing. He asked if he would still be doing the 3 days a week. Howard said he would still have to do the 3 days. Howard told Gary that he had better set it up so they don't have 4 day weeks next year.
Howard said he will accept responsibility for this year but he's telling Gary now that next year they can't have 4 day weeks. Gary said he hears him and he knows where he's going. Howard said he wants this on tape. He said he's holding Gary 100 percent responsible. Howard said Gary was going to count the days for them next year. He said he let him do that and Gary counted all of the days. He said he heard him counting. Gary told him they had to give back four days so they tried to come up with a schedule. Howard said he told Gary to let him know that he isn't going to come to him at the end of the year and tell him they have more days to make up. Gary told him he was counting the days he had to work. Gary told Howard ''Fuck you...''
Howard said Gary counted the days they had to work. He said he had Gary check with their agent and all of that. Gary said that he's blaming him for screwing up this year's schedule. Gary said no one told him how many days they had to work. Howard said they told him he had a certain number of weeks off. He said that's what he was going with. Howard said Gary must have fucked up somehow. Gary asked how. Howard said it can't be his fault. Howard said Gary had to have counted wrong. Gary said he was told how many weeks they had off and that's what he counted. Howard said this coming year is Gary's problem. He said if he has to show up there extra days then it's Gary's fault and he's fired.
Gary said that he would like to know when he can put that schedule out. Robin said she's not even sure when to come back from vacation. Gary said they come back January 3rd. He said it's a Tuesday. Robin said she had no idea.
Gary said he'd like to plan a vacation too. He said he's thinking of going to Costa Rica. Howard said Howard TV has a clip of Gary counting. They played that clip and it was Gary counting the days and holding up 4 fingers and saying the number 3.
Howard said Gary was the one who discovered the mistake. He said if he hadn't said anything no one would have noticed. Howard said the company barely knows half the stuff that goes on there. Gary said he would have gotten really mad at him if he didn't tell him. Howard said he did the right thing. He told him to think about when to be so honest though. They played a bunch of Baba Booey song parodies during that discussion.
Howard said he wanted to be tight with that whole thing so he wanted Fred to go right to break after that Baba Booey song. Fred didn't see him giving him the signal. Howard said Benjy saw him and tried to tell him. He said he should have just given him a heads up. Howard said this goes on like 50 times a day. Fred said he has the great wall of China in front of him so he can't see. Howard said Benjy didn't do anything when he saw him trying to give Fred the signal. He said Benjy is right up out of the chair when his girlfriend needs him to do something. Howard said Benjy is the most lethargic person on the planet. Howard said Benjy is Type B and not Type A. Howard said he's actually a C but he didn't want to insult him.
The caller was still on the line so Fred played a chicken clucking sound. That led to the caller saying Fred finally woke up. Fred said he's been awake. The caller told him to go chew on his pen. The caller asked Howard if he could start at 7 in the morning, would he do it. Howard said he would but they won't allow it. He said they want him doing the show at 6am. He said he agreed to it even though he doesn't think it matters with the way they do the show now. Howard said he's just hired help there so he's just doing it. He said he should have to comply with his contract since they don't comply with theirs. Howard said he sticks to his contract and he seems to be the only one who does. Howard said they claim they're one company to some and two companies to him. He said they advertise it as one company but they say it's two when it comes to owing him money. Howard said he's not sure why he doesn't just do his own thing.
Robin said if he does that then he's going to lose in court. Howard said he doesn't care at this point. He said court should be over in 10 minutes. He said they should read the contract and say that it says this and now it's over. He said this is all talk and he's really just a big pussy. He said he shows up like the slave he is. He said he's just hired help there. He thought he was a partner.
Howard said he knew this was going to happen. He said he told them that from day one. Howard said he bets that the lawyer is confused too. He said when they show up in court they're going to show up as one company but they'll still say they're two.
Howard said his morning show won't be affected if he does judge for America's Got Talent. He said he's sticking to his contract. He said Chuck Zito is going to stop by today. He said Chuck's web site is the greatest. Howard said he's not sure what the site is (ChuckZito.com) because he had a link he used. Howard said Chuck has the Rocky theme for his web site but he thinks he needs his own. Howard said Chuck is on there doing all kinds of fighting and he has cars, motorcycles, WWE stuff with Hulk Hogan and all kinds of things like that. He said there isn't one feminine thing on there at all. Howard said they'll talk to him later. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said they're holding a sound byte contest. He said they have a $10,000 prize for that. Howard said you can find out more at SiriusXM.com/Howard
Howard said his wife saw Madonna's new film and thought it was really good. Gary asked if it's a drama. Howard said it's about this king who resigned so he could marry some woman. Howard said it's her story as opposed to his. Howard said that Madonna directed it. He said that Beth said that he might even like it. Howard said he likes Cowboys and Aliens so he wondered if she put any of them in the movie.
Gary was staring at Howard so Howard asked what he was doing. Gary said he was waiting for him to call for Chuck. Howard said Gary is off his game today.
Howard said Chuck calls all men Babah and all women Baby. He does that because he can't remember names. Howard asked what he'd call Chaz Bono. Chuck said that's tough because he's known him/her since she was a baby.
Howard asked Chuck how he makes money. Chuck said whatever comes his way is how he makes money. He's heading out to L.A. to do a movie today. He said he's not working for Sirius enough to make a regular paycheck. He said he has to talk to Howard about that today. He said he's never had an agent in the 30 years he's been in the business. Chuck said he's not sure how people do it.
Howard said Chuck has an interesting lifestyle. He has a very free lifestyle. He had a karate club for a while though. Chuck said he had to close it. He said he had a handshake deal with a gym and they gave him 2,500 square feet of area there. He said he put $97,000 fixing it up and he didn't have to pay any rent there. He said that he had to give up 50 percent of the money he made. He said 8 months later they came to him asking for $3,500 a month in rent. He said he thought they had a deal. Chuck said he thought he would have 100 students by then but he only had a bunch of teens and a bunch of adults.
Howard said Chuck has a tattoo place now. Chuck said that's gone now too. Chuck said that the Italians are the worst to work with. He said he has to find a Jewish guy. Robin asked what happened to his hands. Chuck said he was on his way up there and a guy hit him in the hand with his face. Chuck said he was kidding. He said he was hitting the bag last night so he messed up his knuckles.
Chuck said his buddy has a bikini bar and he was there last night. He went there to see the place and it was nuts. He said it's not open yet though. He said he went to a restaurant last night too. He said he met a chick there. Howard asked if he gets laid every night. Chuck said it's not every night. He said he did go home with the chick last night. He said he had a ticket on his car at 3 in the morning. He said he was like 10 feet from a fire hydrant instead of 15 feet.
Howard asked Chuck if he was driving his ''Beast from the East'' car last night. Chuck said he was in his 300C. Howard said his web site is full of the manliest things. He said it's unbelievable what he's got going on in his life.
Chuck gave him his business card which looks like a driver's license. Howard asked Chuck what he did after going to the restaurant. Chuck said he went out to eat and met this girl there. He said she's smoking hot and has big tits like Pamela Anderson. Howard asked if he took her home and banged her. Chuck said he did go to her house. Chuck said he asked her what her name was and he ended up talking to her. Howard asked how long it took to get her home. Chuck said this was pretty late. He said he left the bar around 2 in the morning.
Howard asked Chuck how he got back to this girl's house. Chuck said he followed her home in his car. Robin asked if he went to bed last night. Chuck said he didn't sleep. Howard asked if he had sex. Chuck said he didn't. He said you can't just jump right into it on the first night. He said you have to wait until the second date at least.
Howard said Chuck had a story on his show last night where he was out on a date with some girl and he fucked her in the bathroom. Howard asked if that's for real. Chuck said that was real. He said that was a pretty good one. He said he went to this Nello's restraighten on a date and he saw a girl a few tables down. He said she was looking at him and he was looking at her. She smiled at him and he winked at her. He said they did that a few times and he figured there was something going on there. Chuck said the bathroom there is really small so he went down there to see if she'd follow. Howard said this is while he was on a date too. Chuck said that's right. He said he went to the bathroom and the chick followed him a few minutes later. She told him that she was on a first date and he was on a first date too. Chuck said she had a mini-skirt on and the next thing he knew he was swapping spits with her. He said he grabbed her and felt that she had no drawers on. He said that's amazing.
Chuck said he pushed the girl into the bathroom and he went in and bent her over the sink. He said that was it. Howard said he didn't use a rubber either. Chuck said he never uses condoms. Howard asked if he pulls out. Chuck said sometimes he pulls out. Howard said he's such a man. He said he's going to end up with a baby. Chuck said she's going to end up with the baby, not him.
Chuck said he put it in and he was done. He said he didn't take her name or number so he never saw her again after that. Howard said she could be running around with his baby now. Howard asked if he's worried about AIDS or anything like that. Chuck said he's been through so much he doesn't worry about that stuff. Howard asked if he's afraid of anything. Chuck said if you turn the lights out at night. Chuck said there's actually nothing to be afraid of.
Howard said he thinks Chuck looks like Dean Martin. Robin said she doesn't think so. Chuck said that's the first he's heard of that. Howard said maybe he's falling in love with him.
Howard asked what happened after he banged the chick. Chuck said they went back to dinner with their dates. He said it was a spur of the moment thing and it was crazy.
Howard asked if that's the thing to do to not ask for the phone number. Chuck said he just never asked for it. He said he didn't even ask for her name. Howard asked if he's capable of falling in love. Chuck said he doesn't think so. Chuck said the older he gets the younger the women get. He said he doesn't really go over 22 and he's 59. He said that he thinks that the age of consent is 17 in Jersey and 16 in Connecticut.
Howard asked what he has that gets a woman to go into a bathroom with him like that. Chuck said that's the first time that's ever happened to him. Howard asked if his date knew what he did. Chuck said she didn't and he took her home and banged her too. Howard said she he must have been very good.
Howard asked if he's retired from the Hell's Angels. Chuck said he is but he still sees some of the guys. He said his jacket has gone back to the club so he doesn't have that anymore.
Howard asked Chuck about quitting and how you do that. Chuck said he gave them 25 years of his life. He said he was missing meetings and runs so it was time to quit. He said they didn't have a party for him or anything. They weren't too thrilled with him quitting.
Howard asked Chuck what's going on with Charlie Sheen. Howard said Charlie had him on his tour as a bodyguard. He said Charlie sat him down and said he wanted him to be part of this new TV show he was doing. Howard said he was like a brother to him. Chuck said he was supposed to move out there to do it. He said if that had happened then someone would have ended up in the hospital. Chuck said he was training Charlie and they did that 21 city tour. He said Charlie was doing good with the training too. Chuck said he was teaching him how to box and stuff like that.
Howard asked Chuck about fighting and if he ever had to fight more than one at a time. Chuck said he had to fight 3 at once one time. He said that he was just throwing punches and elbows. He said once he was in Studio 54 and another time in Cafe Central. Howard said when you go into a restaurant people just start in with him. Chuck said that it actually happened 3 times with three guys. He said another time he was telling some guys on the stairs that they couldn't be there. He said they told him that they could drink anyplace they want. He said he took the drink out of his hand and they grabbed him so he had to fight. He said he ripped his pants and he went out with Liza to see Michael Jackson. He said Michael asked him how he did that and he told him it was a long story.
Howard asked how he takes these guys down. Chuck said that he knocked them unconscious. Howard said he used to train in karate too. Chuck knew the guys who trained with him.
Howard asked more about the Charlie Sheen situation. Chuck said he was a very generous guy when he was working for him. He said he was paid well and he wanted to help Charlie get into shape. He said he went home and went back 3 weeks later. He said he went online and found a 60 year old baseball trophy to give him for his birthday. He said he went down and got to the gate and it took longer than usual. He said they told him that he had to call his assistant Rick who ended up getting fired this week. Chuck said Rick was outside and a security guy was there too. He said they told him that it was a bad time and he should have called first. They told him that things had changed in the three weeks he was gone.
Robin said she thinks that Charlie told Chuck he was going to be in the TV show and someone told him that it can't happen so he just locked him out of the house. Howard said maybe he was afraid of telling him the truth.
Chuck said he talked to Rick and gave him the gift. He said he got into the truck and started to pull away. He said he saw the security guy go one way and Rick go another way. Chuck said he went to talk to Rick about the security guy and Rick said he wasn't just there for him. Chuck said he was ready to beat his ass if he was.
Chuck said he saved Charlie's life twice. He said he got there the day he overdosed and saved him that day. He said that he told Charlie that his health and well being was the most important thing to him. Howard asked if he ever thanked him for the trophy. Chuck said he didn't. Howard asked if Charlie is insane. Chuck said Charlie wouldn't have him back if he was on drugs because he knows that he's dead against it. He said Charlie was guaranteed 100 episodes and he was going to make sure he was in 75 of them. He said that he was ready to move out there. Then he found out at the roast that he was put at the very back table in the room. He said he needed binoculars to see the guy on stage. He said he went around looking for his manager and assistant. Chuck said he's suing FX and FOX owns FX and FX just bought Charlie's show. He said that might be why all of this was going on.
Howard asked if Charlie banged girls in front of him. Chuck said he wasn't doing anything like that. He said that he did see Bree and the other girl there at the house. Chuck didn't like Bree. He said she's a gold digger. Chuck said that she was so full of shit. Howard said Charlie has a constant party going on at his house. Chuck said he saw the two ex's there at the house too. He said Denise is a great woman. He said she's a great mom and she's very caring. He said the other one he doesn't like. He said she's a Crackhead and maybe that's why he gets into trouble. He said she was just arrested for cocaine and assault recently.
Howard asked Chuck if he laughs at these celebrities. Chuck said he wishes he had the opportunities to do what they do. He said they throw it all away by doing drugs and stuff. He said that he'd kiss his boss every day if he was making $2 million per episode. Howard said the ratings are higher with Ashton Kutcher than they were with Charlie. Chuck didn't believe that. Howard said he read it in a ratings report. Howard said that's what they say. Chuck said he can't believe that. He said the show is about Charlie. He said it was all about his life. Howard said the ratings report says that he has higher ratings than Charlie did. Chuck still refused to believe it.
Chuck said he watched the show that night and the whole plot was stupid. Gary said that they still talk about Charlie a lot but they're slowly phasing him out of the show. Gary said they do bring him up but it is doing better with Ashton than it did with Charlie. Chuck said he still doesn't believe it.
Howard said when you're lucky enough to be making $2 million a week you don't fuck it up with drugs. Chuck said he'd kiss his boss every day he went to work if he was making that kind of money. He said maybe Charlie thought he'd never get fired.
Howard asked Chuck if he's on Twitter. Chuck said he doesn't do that. He said he just got rid of his 1910 phone. He said he has very big fingers so he can't even text. He said he just answers his phone and that's it.
Howard asked Chuck if he thinks texting is feminine. Chuck said he doesn't think so. He said that some people will only text. He said Pamela is like that.
Howard said you can find out more about Chuck at ChuckZito.com.
Howard took a call from Pete in Pittsburgh who said he'd like to see Chuck fight Kurt Angle. Chuck said he knows Kurt. He said he's not sure who would win that fight. Robin asked when he last lost a fight. Chuck said he lost one at 5 years old.
Howard said that Chuck wishes he had taken boxing more seriously when he was doing that. Chuck said he was a father and husband at 17 so he had other things going on. Chuck said he's a good boxer but he never got to his potential because he didn't have time to train. He had to go to work and make money. Chuck said that he had to drop out of school. He got his GED in prison. Chuck said he wasted 6 years in jail. He said they said he made a phone call to a guy who sold a ton of meth and he didn't make that call. Howard asked if he had a shitty lawyer or something. Chuck said he did. He said he was there for 18 months with no bail. He said they thought he was a risk of flight. He said they gave him bail the day after he took a plea.
Chuck said he was in 19 different prisons across the United States. He said every time you have a fight you get transferred. He said that he would fight and get moved. Howard asked how he could survive in prison. Chuck said he'd be bent over a lot. Howard said he'd probably have a guy in his ass 3 or 4 times a day. Chuck said it's not a nice place. He said he wouldn't wish that on his worst enemy.
Chuck told Howard that he would get moved to a new prison and he'd end up getting into another fight. He said that he'd sit in the back of the TV room and a guy would tell him that was his chair even though there were 50 empty chairs.
Howard asked if he got to read in prison. Chuck said that he'd get a lot of books to read. He said he was in prison in Japan once. He said they had a raid out there and he was one of the Hell's Angels that they were looking for. He said his wife and kid were harassed even though they knew he was in Japan. Howard said that must have straightened out his life. Chuck said he got 10 years but only had to serve 6. Chuck said the Japanese prison was really bad. He said the prisons there in the United States are like a hotel compared to Japan. Chuck said they kept him locked down in his 6x8 cell there in Japan. He wasn't allowed to go out in the regular population.
Howard said that it must be tough being in prison. Chuck said a lot of guys kill themselves. He said he had a Swedish guy next to him in the next cell. He said that night the guy hung himself in the cell. He said the guy didn't even last a night. He said he saw them trying to resuscitate him but he was dead. He said they picked him up and put him back in the cell and left him there all day.
Chuck said he did that 6 years in jail and he had some Hell's Angels there to back him up in some but not in every one. He said in one they had a guy who was against the Hell's Angels and he had ''Kill all Hell's Angels'' tattooed on his arm. Chuck said he asked the guy what it means and ended up telling him to cover it up. He said that it was an insult to the Hell's Angels there. Chuck said that he ended up punching the guy when he refused to cover it up. He said the guy ran. Chuck said he fought him the next day too. He said he got it worse but then he covered the tattoo up.
Howard said he heard Chuck got into a cab the other night and he used the N-word with Chuck. Chuck said he got into the back seat and the driver was arguing with the guys. The cab driver got back in and said that all nig*ers are animals. Chuck said that his wife is black. The driver apologized and Chuck told him that a tip is optional. Chuck said the guy dropped him off at the airport and he got his bag out. He said he gave the guy $13 on a $12.90 fare. He said that he told the guy he's a white nig*er and that was his tip. He said he doesn't like racists like that.
Chuck said that he want to Joe Frazier's funeral. He said he was a friend of his. Chuck told Howard about that and how he got to walk Muhammad Ali into the funeral. He said it's sad to see the shape he's in these days. Chuck said he's known the guy a really long time. He said the reverend got up and did his thing talking about Frazier fighting and how he got knocked down but got back up. Chuck said he told his buddy that if Frazier got up out of his casket he was out of there.
Chuck said that he loved Joe and he was a great champion. He said everyone wanted to pay for his funeral but no one wanted to pay to help save his gym when he was alive a year ago. He said Joe never made the kind of money Muhammad Ali made. He said that he didn't get the respect until he died. Chuck said Frazier was great but Ali was the greatest. Howard said he won't argue with him because he's not insane.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he called into the show last night. He said that Howard should have him on the show more often. Howard said he gave Chuck a radio show. He said that's the ultimate compliment. Howard said he's on all the time. Chuck said he hasn't been on in two months. Howard said that's a mistake.
Howard took another call from a guy who asked if Chuck has ever contemplated going back to the Hell's Angels. Chuck said that will never happen again. He said he has work he has to do. He said he's doing this ''Gangster Squad'' movie and he has to be on the set at 4. Howard said that sounds like a good deal. Chuck said it's the first job he's had in over a year. He said he was there a few weeks ago and stopped by to say hello to Sean Penn. He said the producer asked why he wasn't there. He said that was a good question so the guy gave him a week's worth of work.
Chuck said he was out at a fight the other night and went to say hello to some other guys. He said that they were in Kelly Ripa and Mark Conseulos' seats so they had to move. Howard said he heard that Mark is in a play where he has to kiss another man. He asked Chuck if he'd ever do that. Chuck said no way. He said that if that's the kind of thing you have to do to be an actor, he's never going to be an actor.
Howard talked about all of this stuff that Chuck has on his web site and how he was checking it out last night. Chuck said he had a reality show called Street Justice and he was the first one with a reality show. He said USA bought it and then the pulled it two nights before it aired. He said that they pulled it because the feds asked them not to give a reality show to a Hell's Angel. He said he's not in the club anymore so they're talking about bringing it to TruTV now. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he didn't want to interrupt a good song but he forced himself to. Howard said he wishes he could sing like that. Robin said he wishes he could sing. Howard said the amazing Kreskin is the first one to send out Christmas cards. He said he must be very Christian. Howard said his card has a lot of stuff on it. Robin said it looks like a prayer card. Howard said he has a cousin who has a card that makes this one look like it's not even religious.
Howard said he got a card from Hustler magazine. He said theirs is the complete opposite. He said they have a manger scene but they have Congressman Boehner fucking baby Jesus. Howard said it's a drunken John Boehner fucking baby Jesus. He said he was taken aback by that a bit. Howard said he's saving that one.
Howard said Herman Cain will be joining them tomorrow. Howard said he's not sure how much time they'll have with him though. He said he's said he'll answer any questions they have.
Howard said he had a bunch of things to play today. He wondered if he should do that or take calls. Howard played a clip of a Herman Cain impersonator talking about Robin and how he wanted to buy her a drink, bend her over a sink and put it in her stink.
Howard said Larry King says he wants to be frozen. Howard said he's thinking that they could revive him and bring him back in the future. Howard said he thinks Larry has already come back and maybe he's not even alive now. Howard said they froze that Ted Williams guy and his head was resting on a tuna can at the place where his head was kept.
Howard read about this event Larry was at and who else was there. He said it's an odd group of people and he's not sure how they all got together. Gary said it was those guys and their spouses.
Howard said the funniest and saddest part of the Ted Williams thing is that they chopped his head off and didn't even do the whole body. Howard said they have to prop it up on something in the freezer so they propped it up on a tuna can. Robin said it doesn't seem like you'd be in very good shape when they thaw you out.
Howard said there's an article about Donald Trump possibly replacing Piers Morgan on America's Got Talent. Howard said they also say that Trump is responsible for Lady Gaga's fame. Howard said that Nick Cannon said that he thinks Trump would be a great judge on the show. Howard said Nick also says he thinks he'd be good to bounce stuff off of. Cannon had some other people who he thinks would be good on the show. He said Howard Stern might be a good choice too. He said he needs someone to bicker with. Howard said he's not sure he'd bicker with the guy. He said Piers would make fun of Nick's suit. He said he would goof on shit that's way too personal if he bickered.
Howard said he's not there to bicker with Nick. He said he'd be there judge. Howard said he's no Clarence Thomas. Robin asked what that means. Howard said he won't find a pubic hair on his Coke can. He said he thinks if he's on that show he'd be paid not to drink from a Pepsi cup.
Howard said he doesn't dislike Nick Cannon but he doesn't think he'd want to banter with him. He said he would point out that he doesn't spend much time at home. He has like 7 jobs but he just had a couple of kids.
The caller asked if he had any gift certificates for Steven Singer. Howard said he has some money to give away. He said that he has an iPad 2 to give away thanks to Citrix. He said they're going to play the ''Who Would Andrea 'Miss Howard Stern' Ownbey fuck'' game. Howard said they will ask Andrea who she would fuck and the caller has to guess which one she'd pick.
Howard said they have Dan on the phone and he's from Philadelphia. He has been on the show before. Howard said he'd give him a sample question first. Howard said they asked her if she'd fuck Jason Kaplan or JD Harmeyer. Robin said she thinks that Andrea would pick Jason. Robin said that she thinks that neither one has a good physique.
Howard asked Fred if he was shocked by that. Fred said he thinks that Jason has a great mind but his body does not match. Dan said he'd say JD. Howard said that's what he would say too. He played the clip of Andrea saying that she hates JD and she'd sleep with Jason.
Howard said Dan would have lost with that one if it wasn't a sample question. He gave him the next choice which was between High Pitch Eric and Jeff the Drunk. Howard said this was tough. Howard asked Robin what she thinks. Robin said Eric has bleeding gums and Jeff has a boil on his ass. Robin said she'd guess Jeff the Drunk. Dan said he's going with High Pitch. Howard said he thinks he's with Robin. Jeff might be less gross than Eric. Howard said Jeff has that boil on his ass. Howard said he's going to stick with Jeff. Dan said he's going to go with them then. Fred said he's picking Eric.
Howard told Dan to lock in with an answer. Dan said he's going to go with High Pitch. Howard had Fred lock him in on the answer. Howard played Andrea's answer and she said she'd fuck ''Jeff the Drunk because it would take one second...'' She said she'd slice her wrists afterward. Howard said Dan blew it. He said he doesn't get the iPad 2 from Citrix.
Howard said he could give Dan one more. He said they gave her Larry King or Don Imus. Robin said that she'd have to fuck Larry King over Imus. Howard said Imus is a spring chicken next to Larry King. Howard said he thinks Andrea will say Don Imus. He said he could be wrong. Fred said he thinks that she'd want Larry King because she'd want the more famous guy. Dan said he's going to pick Larry King too. Howard played Andrea's answer and she said that she would pick Larry King. She said she thinks he's kind of sexy and she likes older men. Howard said Dan won the iPad 2 courtesy of Citrix. Howard gave them a plug and put Dan on hold.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in to let Howard know that Beth is going to be on Rachel Ray's show this morning. She said that she loves the calendar from the North Shore Animal League. Howard thanked her and hung up on her in the middle of a sentence. Howard said he thinks that they pre-taped that show. He said that she's probably on at different times around the country. Howard said he had to take a break after that.
Howard came back and said during the breaks they're planning out the show. He said it's running late but he might get Jon Hein in there. He said he wanted to play some clips and take some calls though. He said he loves this Van Halen song too. He sang along to that a little bit. Howard said Sammy Hagar and David Lee Roth were both great lead singers. He said the whole band was amazing. Howard said he's not even sure how they came up with lyrics to a song like that. Howard said there really aren't any good bands like that anymore.
Howard said that Bob Lefsetz was writing about the rock bands that are still touring and he thinks they're killing the business. Howard said he's not even sure what he means by that.
Howard said he likes listening to Deep Tracks on Sirius. He said when Beth goes away he stops listening to Coffee House. Robin likes that channel too. Howard said that he loves Deep Tracks and you don't hear Paul McCartney's ''Oo You'' anywhere else.
Howard asked Fred to read him what's on that first McCartney solo album. Then he told him to read him some solo stuff from John Lennon too. Howard said he thought it was so cool when John Lennon said the word ''fuck'' in his song. He asked if Lennon had that before Nilsson Schmilsson did his song where he says ''fuck you.''
Howard had Fred play some of McCartney's stuff. He played ''That Would BE Something'' and some other stuff.
Howard took a call from Wheels who asked if he has a place they can go to look at his pictures. Howard said taking pictures of Beth is too easy to he has a session with Gary coming up. Wheels said he shot Lisa G too. Howard said he did but she's a beautiful girl. Wheels said ''Whatever...''
Howard said that he has taken a lot of pictures. He said he might put together a show. Wheels said he has to show some of his other pictures. Howard said he's not a professional and he's not sure he wants to show them yet. Howard said he has a hobby where he takes pictures. Howard said he took a family portrait that he's proud of but he's not sure the guy wants him to show it. Howard said he did a maternity shoot the other day and that went well too.
Wheels asked how that shoot came about. Howard said he had done some stuff and a friend of Beth's was looking for a photographer. Howard had her send some of his work to her without telling her who did the shoot. He said the woman wanted him so he told Beth to let her know that he'd do the shoot.
Wheels asked if he's glad he gave up chess. Howard said he is but he enjoyed chess too. Wheels asked if he gives up Photography, what's next. Howard said he doesn't know. Wheels asked him about planking. Howard said he's really annoyed with him today. He said he's got this monotone that was making him nuts.
Howard said some guys there asked him to do some photos for them. He said he's going to start charging but have the guys give money to a charity. He said he did the Ralph thing the other day and he's glad he did it but now he has to start getting money to someone. He said he'd feel better about it if he was doing that.
Ralph was on the phone and said that people can see his work in next month's Champion Magazine. Howard said he's not sure it'll be done by then. He said he might be able to get it done. Ralph thanked Howard for doing that shoot. He said you can get the magazine for your iPad right now... for free.
Howard said the app is really good but he's trying to reinvent the wheel with this photography thing. He said he's never worked so hard on a shoot.
Howard and Robin talked more about the John Lennon song and the Nilsson Schmilsson stuff. Fred was in on that too but he had a mouth full of a Cliff bar. Fred said that's all he eats in the morning.
Ralph said Howard didn't eat the whole time he was working on the photo shoot. He was there for 6 hours. Howard said that Sam came up to him and asked him to walk around and take more pictures while people were getting ready. Howard said he had to prepare for his next shot and get the lighting right. He said he told Sam if he wanted him to shove a mop in his ass too. Howard said he was on fire that day. He said he had no time to eat.
Jon ran down a few more things like Howard jerking off and Gary being responsible for the show's schedule next year.
Howard had Robin get to her news. Fred played her in with a Little Mikey song parody. Howard said he wants a full length version of that song. He said it was so emotional. Howard asked Robin if her boobs are holding up well. Robin said they may have fallen a little bit but they're okay.
Robin started her news with a story about Amanda Knox who has a book deal after she got out of jail in Italy after being accused of killing someone over there. Robin said she has signed a book deal with Robert Barnett.
Robin read a story about snow boarder Shaun White who has some x-rated photos being shopped around the web. Robin said that they say they were taken shortly before he won the gold medal in the X-games.
Howard said he thinks the Giants got robbed in their game. He said that guy had his knee down in bounds. He said the picture is definitive. He said they should have won the game. Howard said on video they can't tell sometimes. Gary said that angle may not have been available to them. Howard said his knee was in. Howard said it really bums you out when you see that kind of thing happen.
Robin read about this model who blogs about fashion. Howard asked her not to do this. Robin said her name is Lauren Scruggs. Howard said she made a dumb move and walked into a propeller of a private plane she was on. Howard said people do that all the time and walk into the propeller. Howard said she lost her hand and her face is all fucked up now. Howard said it's going to be tough for her now. She's going to look like him. Robin said she's not sure how you walk into a propeller. Robin said she makes sure she stays away from a spinning blade. Robin said she suffered head and brain injuries too. Howard went to break after that.
After the break, around 9:30am, Howard came right back and had Robin get to some more news. Robin read a story about the Green Bay Packers stock going on sale this morning. Robin said they're putting 250,000 shares up for sale. Robin said they won't offer a return on investment though.
Robin read about an accident in Japan where a bunch of exotic cars were crashed. Robin said that they say that one Ferrari skidding when the driver was attempting to change lanes. Robin said they can't say that they were racing but they were on their way to some event together.
Robin said that there's a petition to get the a public vote on whether or not porn stars should be forced to wear condoms on set. Howard said he won't watch porn if a guy is wearing a condom. Howard said he thinks they should wear them but he doesn't want to see them. Howard said he can't say why it is that he can't watch it because it doesn't make sense.
Howard said someone wrote in about how he thinks that he's not ugly. He said the guy claims to be straight but he finds Howard attractive. Howard said he might want to go to the doctor to get that checked out.
Robin read about how Drew Ryniewicz, the girl who was kicked off X-Factor last week, who has some fans who are making threats against the judges on the show. She's asked her fans to stop because that's not what she represents. Howard said she cried like there was no tomorrow when she got kicked off. Howard said she deserved to be in the finals. Robin said she was voted off by the fans. Howard said Robin doesn't know that. She was in the bottom but they didn't say she was last.
Ralph called in again and said that condoms are not hot and the whole act of putting a piece of rubber on is just wrong. Howard said Ralph is playing Russian roulette. Ralph said he's a real man like Chuck Zito. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about the Jerry Sandusky case and what's going on with that. Robin said they have 8 people ready to testify against him in court. Howard said the guy is his own worst enemy. He said they asked him if he was attracted to young boys and he said he is. Howard said the guy was trying to clarify his comments but he just keeps making things worse. Howard had some audio of him so he played that for Robin. Howard said he's kind of like JD the way he answers. JD said he was laughing during some of the questions and answers. JD said if he was up on charges like that he doesn't think he'd be laughing.
Robin read about how the court seats are in such demand that they're holding a lottery for them. Howard said he can't believe that people want to go and watch the horror of something like that.
Robin read about Herman Cain dropping out of the presidential run. Robin had some audio of someone talking about that.
Robin and Howard spent a minute talking about who might end up being the republican candidate. Howard said he thinks that Romney will end up being the one. Howard said he saw Trump on Sean Hannity last night and he had a good idea about how we should make a deal with the rebels for oil over there in Libya. Howard said there's a lot of oil in Iraq and we're not getting any of that. It was supposed to pay for the war but nothing has happened. Howard did another live commercial after that. During that commercial for Bud Light Howard said he never admitted that he was drunk when he broke his toe on his desk.
Robin read a story about John Huntsman and Ron Paul not being involved in a debate if Donald Trump is the moderator. Trump says that Ron Paul is meaningless anyway so he doesn't care.
Robin read about how Alec Baldwin was doing an impression of a New York City cab driver while he was on Conan O'Brien's show. Robin had some audio of that. Howard said he doesn't know how Conan shows his face in public after that Tonight Show mess.
Robin said the NBA lockout is over and they're going to announce what the season will look like later today. Robin said they're kicking off the new season with 3 games on Christmas day. Howard said he hopes the Knicks suck because he likes having those front row seats. He said he doesn't want to have to compete for seats with Paris Hilton or anyone like that. He said right now he can get those seats whenever he wants.
Robin had a story about Nancy Pelosi and Newt Gingrich going at it over ethics. Robin had some audio of Gingrich talking about that. Howard had to do another live commercial read after that.
Robin read some more news about Jerry Sandusky and what's going on with Penn State during all of this.
Robin read a story about the protesters that are going to occupy the U.S. Capital today. Robin said they say that it will be a peaceful attempt at reaching out today. She had some audio of a guy talking about that.
Robin read a story about Greg Allman trying to raise awareness for Hepatitis C. Robin said that he has Hep C and he's looking to help people who are battling the disease. Robin had some audio of Allman talking about that.
Robin said that Johnny Depp is in trouble with some Christian groups over a new song he sings in. Robin said that they are upset with the way Jesus is portrayed in the song. Robin had some audio of the song they were upset about. Robin said that they say that Depp and his friends will burn in hell for their filth.
Robin read about Michael Buble who is basically a Frank Sinatra impersonator. Robin said he sells out arenas doing that. Gary said he's sure Howard has heard his songs and hit the button to turn them off right away. Howard played one of his songs and said this wasn't cool when he was growing up. He asked how old this guy is. Robin said he's in his 30s. Howard sang a little bit like the guy and said even he can sing like that. Robin said Buble will have a Christmas special show. Howard said if he gets on America's Got Talent he's sure NBC will want him to do specials and appear in McDonald's. Howard was talking about how he hates when they bring puppets on shows that are for adults. He said they did that on Saturday Night Live when Jason Segal was on. He said that stuff is for the kids and that's where it should stay.
Robin read about the new movie ''The Sitter'' with Jonah Hill. She had some audio of Jonah talking about that movie.
Robin had Howard play some of Jackson Browne's music and then said that he'll be traveling around and performing for the Occupy crowds. She had some audio of him talking about that.
Robin said that Amy Winehouse has a new album out. Robin said she recorded them before she died this summer. Howard said now they don't have to clear playing her old music and stuff. She's going to be more productive now that she's dead. Robin had Howard play some of her performance with Tony Bennett. Howard just laughed. He wondered if they were even in the same room. He said she must have been high as a kite. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 10:10am. Howard reminded everyone that they'll be there tomorrow and Thursday.
Jon said Gary was pissed at Robin for this. She was blaming Gary for counting the days wrong. Gary said that he didn't count wrong. Gary said they went through month by month to figure out exactly what days they were going to take off next year. He said he had to add them all up and figure it out. Benjy asked if someone made a mistake this year. Gary said he thinks Howard did.
Gary said Howard told him he had 10 weeks of vacation and he figured it out that way. He said he took that information and his agent said that they had to do a certain number of days this year and they were short. That's why they're working 4 days this month. Gary said he wanted to make sure they did the proper number of days. Jason asked if they're working less days next year. Gary said they are.
Jon said he wanted to talk about JD and Jason arguing in the back about the Miss Howard Stern game. JD had said something about how he couldn't lose to Jason when that came up. JD said he never said he was better than Jason though. Gary said that JD is annoyed that Jason is picked in front of him. He said he's annoyed with that.
Jon said he can understand why he'd be upset not getting picked but maybe he's upset about Jason gloating. Jason said this is the first time he's gloated. JD said it was the first time today. JD said that Jason told the whole office he was going to take him down in this game. He said that he was already annoyed with Jason. He has to do a show with him where fat guys talk about how to be a fat guy. JD said he didn't want to do it but Jason and Tim begged him to do it. He said that he also got into trouble for coughing in front of Howard. He said he came in on Friday and said he had a sore throat so Jason was saying that was going on Page 69. Gary said they don't even have Page 69 anymore. JD said he heard it might be coming back. Jason said he was just joking about that. He said everyone knew he was sick already.
Gary asked JD about what happened when it was announced that Jason won the Miss Howard Stern pick. JD said that first Robin picked Jason and Jason went crazy. He was yelling out bragging that he had won. JD said that he's never texted Miss Howard Stern so he doesn't know what she was talking about in that clip today either.
Jon asked if the guys get upset when they lose to someone else in a game like that. Gary said it depends on who you're up against. Jason said Will is much better looking than he is and he wouldn't be surprised if he won every time against him. He said that it does get annoying if they keep putting someone like that up against you all the time.
Gary said that he'd expect not to win against someone like that. Gary said that if he was up against someone he expected to win against then you get really upset.
Gary asked Jason if he thinks that he should beat JD all the time. Jason said he can see JD beating him sometimes. He understands that. Jon asked JD if he thinks he should beat Jason all the time. JD said that he annoys less people than Jason has. Jason said he won on personality today though. He said his annoying personality is better to Robin than JD's bad personality.
Jon took a call from a guy who said yesterday Jason was so mad at the Subway guy but he shouldn't have been because he was trying to do him a favor. Jason said he doesn't want someone looking out for his health. He said if he wanted advice he'd ask a friend, not a guy at Subway. Jon said that his friends were busy laughing at him in line. They had to go to break after that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Benjy sent out a tweet during the Chuck Zito interview. Benjy said that a bunch of people were telling him about that. He said that Elisa must have done that. He said she has access to the account. Jon asked if she's taken his last name since his Twitter is @Bronk. Benjy said he gave her the password. Gary said he'd never give his password to someone he's not sleeping with.
Benjy said around there it's guilty until proven innocent. Gary said that he's not sure why they'd think that someone else would be tweeting for him. Jason said that Jon Leiberman came to them and asked if they knew he was Tweeting during the show. He said Jon went right to Benjy when he had a chance. Benjy said he should have checked to see if it was true first.
Gary asked Benjy why anyone would think he wasn't tweeting himself. Benjy said that they should have checked. Gary said he can see the vortex opening up now. Jon said that Elisa shouldn't have tweeted during the show. Jon said that it's not right to have a Benjy Bronk tweet come out during an interview. Benjy said he doesn't think it's irresponsible. Gary said Howard doesn't want to be distracted from the show.
Benjy said Elisa doesn't have Sirius radio so he doesn't think it's irresponsible. Jon Leiberman came in and said that Benjy has been thinking about this for two hours since he asked him the question. Benjy said he doesn't like that they do this to him. He said they don't like it with the news where they assume a fact and start yelling at him before they find out the truth.
Jon said they should check Howard TV to see if he was Tweeting while the show was going on. Benjy and Jon Leiberman were yelling at each other. Gary told Benjy to let him talk. Jon asked Benjy if he has Tweeted during the show. Benjy wasn't denying it. He said that he should check into it more before making it a fact. Benjy said he asked Jason before he asked him.
Gary said that Leiberman is following a story. Benjy said he's putting out false information. He's spreading untruths with Jason and other people. Leiberman asked Benjy if he tweeted from inside the studio at 8:03. Benjy said he did not and he's guessing that Elisa did it. Jon asked if he lets Elisa tweet regularly. Benjy said that she may have done it on her own. He said he told her she could put it on Twitter if she wanted to. Jon said he could have told him that in the hall instead of closing the bathroom door on him. Benjy said he was upset with him for saying he did something that he didn't do.
Jon said that he thinks that they're coming from his account and it's a reasonable assumption. Leiberman said that it's not libelous or slander until it's out in the public domain. Benjy said it can be slander just saying it to one other person. Leiberman said that's just not true.
Gary asked Benjy if he thinks that the IP address will come from somewhere other than in the studio. Benjy said that he's assuming that Elisa did it but maybe someone else could have broken in and done it.
Gary said if he's letting someone else tweet for him he's not going to know who is posting on his Twitter. Benjy said he'll just have to live with that. Gary said that it leaves a question there about who you're reading.
Leiberman asked Benjy if he tweeted during the break during the show a couple of weeks ago. Benjy said he thinks it was.
Jon Hein asked if it's okay for someone else to run a Twitter account. Jason said this happened to Robin last year. She had someone tweet for her on her Twitter account during the show. Gary said he doesn't get why Benjy doesn't get that people would be surprised by it. Benjy said he thinks that it's funny and annoying.
Jason said that he likes Leiberman. He said he's like Steve Langford without being an asshole. He said Leiberman just asked him if he was surprised that Benjy might be tweeting during the show. He said he didn't come up saying that Benjy did it and start accusing him.
Leiberman said he thinks that Benjy had 2 hours to come up with a story. He said he could have explained it when he asked him about it 2 hours ago. Benjy said he was annoyed with him at the time. He said he thinks that the ethics of the whole thing is wrong.
Leiberman said he has no proof that the Tweet did not come from Benjy. He said he will check the IP addresses and the Howard TV tape to see if he did it. Benjy said that he should be innocent until he's proven guilty. Leiberman said he's not being slanderous or libelous. Benjy said he is being slanderous. Leiberman said the ultimate defence is proof. Jon had to take a break after that.
Jon said Gary is on Master Cleanser light with the hot water, lemon and Cayenne pepper. Gary said he thinks that's like a crutch he can use when he needs to cough. Jason said that things are so much better now that he's drinking the water. He said when Howard kicked him out of the studio it was very noticeable. He said it seems to be working now.
Jason asked if he has thought about going to see Dr. Sarno. Gary said he actually did go see him. He saw him for a knee problem he had. He said he didn't end up getting surgery on his knee that he thought he was going to need.
Jon got back to the calendar problem. Gary said he doesn't expect any problems this coming year. He said that he's not sure Howard even knew he had to do a certain number of shows. He said he's not sure that's even Howard's responsibility.
Jason asked why the did the extra 3 days in December. Gary said Howard told him to do that. He said he thinks that Howard just thought that they found them in January and Howard didn't want to think about them for a year.
Jon said that Howard was talking about making people pay for his photography now but make them pay the money to a charity. Gary said he's not sure what Howard is going to suggest they donate. He said Howard may have an amount in his head but he would never suggest it. Jon asked what that amount would be. Gary said he's thinking $500-1000. He said that it might be different for Jason and Sam Simon though.
Jason said that Howard has said that he's learning from the experience so he's kind of doing an internship thing. He said that they get an experience and they do it for free. Howard is learning from the shoots but now he's looking for people to pay. He said it's not wrong to ask for a donation but he shouldn't be setting prices.
Jason said that sometimes they have a new hair cutter at a shop and they'll give you a free hair cut. They do that to gain experience. That's what Howard is doing.
Jon said Wheels called in and said that it's hard to take a bad picture of Beth so Howard said he's been told to take pictures of other people. That's what he's been doing.
Jon asked if Howard is going to be taking pictures during the holiday party the whole time. Gary said he may not be doing that because he'll need to put in some face time with people. He said the camera may keep people away from him though so maybe he will do that. Jason said he doesn't think he'll go too crazy with pictures at the party.
Jon said that Howard was saying that his mother didn't like the speech he gave at his niece's bat mitzvah. Jason said that Howard gave a speech at his wedding and it was one of the best moments of his life. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about how he was listening to a clip of Dick Vitale crying. Howard said he received some kind of award and he got emotional about it. Howard played the clip and Dick started talking and broke down crying as soon as he got on mic. Howard noticed he started banging on the table he was sitting at. Howard said he must have been trying to do something macho as he started crying. Howard said he thinks a basketball court was named after Dick. Howard had a laugh over the crying.
Howard said he started crying harder and longer after that. He hadn't heard that clip yet. Howard played that one and Dick was so upset he was barely able to speak. Howard said this just goes on and on. He said he can barely hear him in that one.
Howard said he had another clip of Dick crying at a hall of fame announcement. He told Gary he didn't need that second clip of him crying. Howard played the clip of Dick crying at the hall of fame announcement. Dick was telling someone how he felt and started getting really upset as he was talking about his parents. Howard said he sounds like Jason when he wins a free large fries in a McDonald's Monopoly game. He said the guy must be really emotional about stuff.
Robin said Richard Christy is like that with things. Howard said he gets upset about Brad Pitt doing things. Robin said he got upset when Mike Judge was there because he was such a fan of King of the Hill. Howard said it's crazy.
Howard said that he ran for governor and he was stunned when he started to run. He said Kane was in a field of people so bad that people liked him. He said that he somehow became attractive to the Tea Party guys. Howard said Kane has all of this stuff going on in his life and now his book promotion has gone completely Baba Flooey. He said that he had a nice life before this. Now his life is turned upside down.
Howard said Kane never expected to be a front runner for the President of the United States. Howard said he's going to turn this story into a Broadway musical like the Producers. Howard said Herman will be in today... sort of.
Howard said that Kane's story is pretty crazy. He said he was the head of a pizza chain and came close to running for president. Robin said he was all for smoking in restaurants and drink more and drive. Howard said that's a stance. He said you can really get behind him if you're a bum.
Howard said Kane has to deal with his wife and the distrust and all of that. Robin said it's going to be a nightmare for him.
Howard said he has done some photo shoots for friends and some professional stuff. He said he has dealt with people in the professional world. He said that he shot Ralph's pictures and he asked Ralph what his crop specs were for the photos he did for his magazine. Howard said Ralph wrote him back and said it wasn't necessary. Howard said Ralph told him to edit them and he'd come in and decide which ones he should work on. Howard said he'd usually crop them the way he wants to do it. He said that you don't have someone come in and tell him how to edit them.
Howard said Ralph is in charge of something and he doesn't know what the fuck he's doing. Howard said he wanted to write him back and tell him to send the cropping specs. Howard said he's so fucking annoyed with this guy. He said he should be happy about what he sends to him. He said he doesn't know why he's so argumentative. He said he's doing this for free and he's going to give him the pictures the way it's done.
Howard said he's out of this if Ralph doesn't send him the specs. He said he's not going to put up with that. He said that he's not going to show him his unfinished work. Howard said Ralph isn't an art director or anything. He said he's not sure what he's put on this magazine cover before. He said this might be Ralph's first time putting the cover out himself. Robin said he may have wanted to do it together with Howard. Howard said things are already going awry. He said he was sitting down to get started but he wanted a simple answer about the cropping. He said Ralph tells him not to worry about the cropping and he'll help him with it. Howard said that's not the way it works.
Howard said he's just not doing anything until he gets the cropping. He said it might be a year from now before he gets it. Howard said no magazine has ever told him they want to see everything and they'll decide. Howard told Ralph to just send him the cropping specs. He said Ralph is so annoying. Robin said everyone has told him this. Howard said he knows. He said he's done working with Ralph on this kind of stuff. He said he'll never do it again.
Howard said Ralph should be so happy he's doing this for free. He said if he's not happy with the pictures then he can throw them all away. He said he wasn't going to write Ralph back and just ignore him. He said he was going to try and muddle his way through it. He said he knows Ralph will have some explanation for all of this. He said he's doing it the way it's always done. He said he did the calendar for North Shore, a cover for a magazine and other stuff. He said they pick through the stuff he picks out. He said he doesn't let people pick through all of his pictures.
Howard said people have been telling him for years that Ralph is annoying. He said everyone told him that and he didn't believe it. He said he doesn't mean any harm by it but he's just annoying. He said he's not going to have Ralph over to tell him which pictures he wants.
Howard said no photographer does things this way. Howard said you don't give someone everything and tell them to pick. Robin said it's like what Howard told Richard and Sal last week about how you don't show people everything you do. You pick the stuff you like and then show it to the customer. Howard said you have to show a finished, polished product.
Howard told Gary he now knows what he's talking about with Ralph being annoying. Gary said that everyone is surprised that it took him so long to realize it. Howard said he had to ban Ralph from his house three years ago. Gary said the guys from Howard TV have realized this too. They said that he sends things in capital letters in his emails and that annoys them. Howard said he knows what they're talking about. Howard said he's just going to take his time with this stuff if that's the way things are going to work.
Howard said that Rosie used to be friendly with Madonna but it seems that she's chased away all of her friends. Howard said Madonna is kind of wacky and even her ex-husband was talking about how happy he was to get away from the craziness of her life.
Howard said that he's not sure who Rosie's friends are. He said maybe Oprah would be there. Howard said he figures that Rosie would pick Oprah over him to invite. Howard said she's her boss too. Howard said he doesn't like going to weddings although he did like going to Brad Gray's wedding. He said he got to talk to Martin Short the whole night. He said he got to meet a bunch of other people and hang out with some big stars. He hung out with Gavin from Bush and Jon Lovitz. He said Jon was asking him about what kind of floors he has and things like that. Howard said he spoke to Marc Anthony at the wedding. He said he spoke to Sue Mengers and Jack Nicholson. He said that Jack was the one who got him to talk to Sue. He said that Jack seems to know who he is now. He didn't blow him off this time.
Howard said he ran into Jack another time and had a good time hanging out with him. Robin said he had a time when he thought Jack was blowing him off. Howard said Jack was talking to some women at the time. Howard said this other time he met him in a buffet line waiting for dessert. Howard said Jack was talking about how he likes chocolate and he just seemed like a fun guy. He said he was piling stuff on Jack's plate for him. Howard said he's usually holed up at home instead of going out to events like that. Howard said Jack is great.
The caller, Tommy, said that Chuck Zito was a great interview. Howard said he thought he was great too. He said one guy wrote in about how he didn't like Chuck. Howard read some of the positive stuff and then the negative one. Howard said the writer said he was boring. Howard said he thought Chuck was great.
Tommy said he thought Rosie was great on the show when she was on. He said he didn't like her before that but she turned him on to her side after appearing on the show. Howard said he was able to talk to her about anything. He said he wrote her a note congratulating her on the engagement. Robin said maybe she should do that.
Howard said Rosie is in Chicago doing her show now and she's just about living there. Howard said her girlfriend is a piece of ass too. He said even Rosie said she's the hottest chick she's had. Robin said she gets engaged so fast though. Howard said she does fall in love pretty fast. Howard said this chick must be blowing her mind.
Tommy asked Howard about giving Chuck Zito the Artie Chair for a while. Howard said no one is going to be in that chair. He said he likes things the way they are. Howard said he'd end up doing the same thing to Chuck that Charlie Sheen did to him. Howard said he'd have to move out of town if he did that. Howard said he does love Chuck on the show and he is very entertaining. That's why they gave him his own show. Howard let Tommy go after that.
Howard said he's not making up these rules. He said this is the way things are done but Ralph thinks that he knows how things are done and he's telling him the way it's going to work.
Howard said he got an email about Ralph not using condoms and how that's not the right thing to support. Howard read the email and the guy said Ralph is an idiot.
Howard said he got an email about Neil Diamond and how the person can't believe he's not a fan. The writer told him about the songs he's written for other people that were big hits. Howard said he knows all of that and he thinks that when his songs are done by other people they're okay. He said he just doesn't like Diamond's songs when he sings them. Howard said he doesn't get why he's such a big deal.
Robin and Howard ended up arguing about whether or not Rod Stewart and The Faces should be in the Rock and Roll hall of fame. Howard said he thinks that people know who The Faces are but Robin said they're never talked about. Howard said people know who they are. Robin said they're not.
Robin and Howard talked about some of the other nominees and Guns N Roses is one of them. Howard said he'd like to see them reunite with Slash. He said that he wonders if the new Guns N Roses will show up.
Howard ended up doing his Donovan impression when Gary came in to talk about him. Howard did a medley of his songs and had Robin laughing. Howard sang a line or two of a bunch of his songs. He had Fred laughing too.
Howard said he liked Donovan. Gary said he does too but there are people who really hate him. Robin said she only heard that music through her wall in college. She said she was banging on the wall telling them to shut up.
Howard sang even more bits and pieces of his songs. Gary asked if he had ever been on the show. Howard said he was on years ago. He said they had him on once and that was enough. They got all of the information that they needed out of him that one time.
Gary and Howard went over some of the other people who are nominated for the hall of fame. Howard said he can't get into the Grateful Dead and the Marshall Tucker Band. He said that he likes one of their songs. Gary had a list of other bands that weren't in the hall of fame and asked Howard if Howard thinks they should be in. Howard said there were some bands that should be in there. They talked about KISS and bands like that. Gary said that Jon Hein is a huge Rush fan. Howard said he thinks that they should be in. He said he's not a huge fan of theirs though. Howard said he thinks Supertramp should be in too but he's not a big fan.
Howard said there are a lot of other bands that should be in before Supertramp though. Howard said he thinks that Boston and Journey should be in the hall of fame too but he's not a huge fan. Gary said Boston only had one great album though. Gary said his son Jackson is into Boston and he thought that one album was their greatest hits album.
Robin said that Howard is off about Cat Stevens. Howard said he thinks that he had a great career. He had a lot of hits.
Howard said that Fat Lou sang a song about Robin to the tune of a Moody Blues song. He played that for Robin since they had mentioned them during that hall of fame discussion. Fat Lou sang about how he loves boobs. Howard said that guy is good.
Robin asked if Madonna should be in the hall of fame. Howard said she's not really rock and roll. He said they sometimes put people in just to get ratings. He said if KISS ever gets in people had better not shine a laser light on Paul Stanley. He had a clip of Paul getting pissed at a guy who did that to him in a concert once. Howard said that's the KISS show he'd like to see. It was Paul Stanley against the audience.
Howard said that KISS did that song ''Back in the New York Groove.'' Sal is a big KISS fan so he came in and told Howard that he cried when they performed that song at a concert. Howard said that Sal likes some douchey music. Sal said he grew up with KISS but he's a big fan of The Beastie Boys too. Howard asked why he cried during that song. Sal said it was an emotional thing for him. He said that KISS was a big deal for him when he was growing up. He said they changed his life. He said it was a release for him and that's why he gets so emotional.
Howard said he might have to rethink them. He said Sal is almost in tears talking about them now. Howard said he'd get it if someone said that Dr. Peppers changed their life. He said he doesn't get anyone saying that KISS changed their life. Howard played ''Back in the New York Groove'' and said that Sal was crying now. Sal said he wasn't. Fred played a baby crying clip while the song was playing. Howard told Sal to get out of there when he started singing along with it. They also played a song parody where they had Sal crying clips.
Howard played another Fat Lou song parody about Robin. It was ''My Cock In Her Asshole.'' He played a little bit of an Eli Braden song about Robin too. Howard said he can't play them all. He said he gets a lot of songs.
Howard said someone wrote a song about Gary's clearing of the phlegm. Howard played some of that song too. The song was a rap parody and it had Gary's throat clearing in it.
Howard said he had to take a break because the first hour of the show had gone by so quick. He asked Robin if she's watching that Woody Allen documentary. Robin said she saw the first part. Howard said he has the second part on his TiVo but he doesn't know how to get it to her. Howard said the guy is a genius but he's also incredibly weird. Robin said that goes without saying. Howard went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that he could never be a lawyer. He said that Erin Andrews is a reporter who had some dude drilling holes in her door and taking pictures of her naked. He said that he can't be a lawyer because she's suing the guy for like $6 million and suing the hotel for like $6 million. Howard said he's not sure why she can sue them. Robin said they made it easy for the guy to find her. That's why she's suing. Howard said he would never think to sue the hotel. He said that they're not doing anything malicious. Robin said they're not supposed to give out that information. Howard said Robin could be a lawyer.
Howard said he was honored to introduce Herman Kane (Robert Cait) in the studio. The guy in the studio (an impersonator) said hello to ''Ophelia'' when he saw Robin. Howard said Herman really likes Robin. Herman said he'd like to be on top of her.
Howard said Kane's story is amazing. He said he wrote this book, ''This Is Herman Kane!: My Journey to the White House,'' and he never thought he'd be a front runner. Kane said that people are accusing him of some things and the things they think he did he's not guilty of.
Howard said Kane was asked about foreign policy and things like that and he said they weren't important. Kane told Howard that we have got to address the national debt. He said that we owe so much money to Hungary. Howard and Robin said it's not Hungary. Kane said that might explain his drop in the poll. He said speaking of dropping the poll, he'd like to drop it in Ophelia. Kane said that he'd like to feel ya, Ophelia. He said Howard can keep talking while he fucks Robin.
Howard asked Jon about his argument with Benjy during the Wrap Up Show. Howard said he's had it with Benjy and he's not sure if he's being honest or not. Jon said they were going to lay off that story but when he saw a tweet at 8:03am from Benjy's Twitter trying to sell his single on iTunes he felt responsible to confront him. Howard said he felt weird. He said someone slipped him a note about that during the Chuck Zito interview. Howard said it crossed his mind that Benjy should be concentrating on the show and not on that. Howard said he almost yelled at Benjy about it but he didn't want to distract from the show. He said he ignored it and didn't get to it. Then they went over it on the Wrap Up Show instead.
Howard said Benjy claims that his girlfriend did the tweeting. He said that Benjy could have just explained it that way but it's easy to assume that it was Benjy doing the tweeting. Jon said that when he confronted Benjy in the hallway he ignored him and shut the bathroom door. He said that two and a half hours later he finally talked about it on the Wrap Up Show. Jon said that anyone who follows Benjy thinks that he was the one doing the Tweeting. Howard said that Benjy is responsible for what comes out of that Twitter account.
Benjy said that's not the issue. He said they're assuming that he's stealing from the show by doing that. He said he was angry at Jon for accusing him of something that he didn't do. Jon said he thinks that Benjy wants the attention but doesn't want to be held accountable. He said he's angry when he questions him about almost being late to work. Benjy said that Jon was asking other people in the office what they thought about him tweeting during the show. Jon said that he just asked for Jason's reaction about the tweet.
Jon said that all Benjy had to do was tell him that Elisa did it and the story could have gone away. Benjy said if he's tweeting during the show they're basically saying that he's stealing from the show. Howard said that Benjy is kooky and he's denying something that's ridiculous.
Gary told Benjy that they had people inquiring about it through email. Howard asked Benjy if he really thinks that people are going to buy that shitty song. He said that he's better than that. Howard said the song is a goof and it's a horrible song. Benjy said it's a piece of art.
Howard asked Kane if he had heard it. Kane said we have to teach our young people to see how stupid they really are. Kane asked what his girlfriend looks like. Benjy said she's very hot. Kane said he had to make himself comfortable after hearing that.
Jon asked Benjy if he tweeted during a break on the show a few weeks ago. Benjy said he did. Jon said that it's not that wild of an assumption to think that he was tweeting during the show then. Benjy said Elisa did it. Howard asked if anyone has bought that song. Benjy said he's sure that they have. He said he's not sure though.
Howard played Benjy and Elisa's song. They goofed on some of the lyrics in the song. Kane was also goofing on Benjy's spray tan.
Howard played a clip from yesterday's Wrap Up Show where they talked about the tweet. In that clip they asked Benjy about the tweet and he said that he ''assumed'' that Elisa had tweeted. They confronted him on that and then Jon Leiberman came in and talked to him about it and got into a big argument. The two of them were yelling at each other.
Howard said things got wild in there. He said it's really enough of Benjy and his girlfriend. He said that he was distracted yesterday about the tweeting. Benjy said that the problem they had with the tweet was that they thought he was the one doing it. Robin said that it was that it came out during the Chuck Zito interview. Benjy said that Robin's tweets come out during the show too. Robin said they're addressed and it is wrong though.
Howard asked Herman Kane what he thinks about this. He said something about how Robin reminds him of Obama's Change campaign because when he sees her he has to change his sticky underwear. Kane was also talking in circles with a bunch of things during the segment.
Jon Leiberman asked Howard if he thinks that no tweets should come out during the show from people who are on the show. Howard said he thinks that they shouldn't come out if they're at work. Howard said that they should concentrate on their work for 4 hours and then tweet after work. Howard said Benjy is saying it's his girlfriend but he really doesn't know what's going on. Robin said it has the same effect though.
Jon said that Benjy's followers thought it was Benjy and that's why it was a problem. Howard said it's constant with this guy. Benjy said ''Oh come on...''
Howard said he got email about Benjy and Elisa. He read one from a woman who said she didn't believe that she was sleeping naked with Benjy and not having sex. Howard said someone thinks that she's using him to keep her name on the radio. Howard said he doesn't believe that. He said he doesn't think she'd fuck Benjy for radio mentions. Robin said she doesn't know her but she doesn't assume anything. Howard said he'd feel horrible for her if that's really what's going on.
Howard asked Benjy if he's having intercourse yet. Benjy said she gets so much shit about that so he's not going to get into it. Howard said he understands that.
Howard asked Mr. Kane if he would have sex with Robin if she asked him to. He said he sure would. Robin said he's married. Kane said that he's going to get to her with his extra large. He said that she's so gorgeous. He asked her to put her hand in his lap and he'll get her to be the senator from Utah. He kept using her middle name of Ophelia when he'd talk about her.
Howard asked Kane what his stance on abortion is. Howard said he'd let him think about it for a minute.
Benjy said that he wanted to ask Howard one more thing. He said that Howard was accused of buying a stripper a car. Howard cut him off and said it's not the same thing. Howard said that Benjy had tweeted before. Benjy said that Jon should have asked him before he put it out there that he had done it. Jon said he didn't broadcast it. Jon said he was interviewing people to find out what was going on. Benjy said he should have asked him first. Jon said he asked Jason for his reaction first and then asked Benjy. Jon said he's done with this. Howard told Jon that Benjy sucks everyone in. He said this is what he does. He said no one cares. Howard said Benjy has him in his grip right now. He's just playing with him. Jon said he's done then and he'll move on.
Howard asked Kane what he thinks about abortion. Kane said that he's 70 percent for it and 40 percent against it. Howard asked if he's for the right to get an abortion. Kane said that he's for the right for her to choose unless she's raped or has sex... or that she's pregnant. Howard said he can't get a straight answer out of Kane.
Leiberman got to his headlines. He said that they have news about Sal getting assaulted in the coffee room after running his mouth. He said he ran into Jason Ellis in the room and he cracked some jokes about his tattoos. Jason kicked Sal in the thigh and Sal started writhing in pain and he was limping the next day. Jon said that Sal wasn't able to keep his mouth shut. Howard said Sal thinks that people get him. Jon said that Ellis wanted to attack Sal earlier in the day and he had his producer follow him to the kitchen. He said that they have the video too. Jon said that Jason doesn't like Sal's attitude about everything so he took the opportunity to kick him. Howard said that's not right to do either but Sal has to watch what he says.
Sal said that he and Jason get along. He said that he fell into the trap of getting kicked and he was kicking other people. Sal said he asked what the A on his face stood for, asshole? He said that's when he got kicked. He said they've done that kind of banter before. Howard asked if it's okay to go up and hit a guy in the head with a hammer. Sal said that it's Ellis and they joke around like that.
Kane said that in this holiday season we have to get along. He said he wanted to wish Robin a happy Kwanzaa. He was only focused on Ophelia this morning.
Sal said he had to limp for a while after the kick. Jon said that Sal was on the train and he ended up falling asleep. He said that a fan of the show woke him up. He said Sal left his ticket on the train. The guy ended up bringing it up there because it had 90 bucks left on it. Sal gave the guy a tour of the studio and while Jon was standing there he heard Sal tell the guy that if he had a vagina he'd bang him right there. Howard said that's not appropriate for a guy he barely knows. Sal doesn't know his sensibilities.
Howard asked Kane what he thinks about all of this. Kane said they need a real man for president. He said he won't be running for president.
Gary said Sal also told Jon Stewart he wasn't that funny when he hosted the Grammy's. Sal said he did that too.
Howard said Debbie the Pet Lady is upset with Jon Leiberman too. Howard said it's weird being a reporter because people get pissed at you. Jon said he's used to it but it's a little different there.
Howard picked up on Debbie and asked what her beef was with Jon. Debbie said that Jon is a piece of shit. She said that he was supposed to help her go after Ed who was shitting on her. She said that Jon used something against her that he said he wouldn't. Jon said he's spent hours calming her down and yesterday she said he was her saving grace. She said he was lying about that. She told him to play that shit back then.
Jon said that Debbie is upset about Ass Napkin Ed and she told him about some of her criminal past and they should broadcast that so they get her side out there before Ed gets it out. Jon said they reported it and said that it was in her past and she's moving on. Howard asked what her past was. Debbie said it doesn't matter. She said she didn't tell the whole world about it. She told the stupid news fuck about it. Howard said that's like telling the whole world.
Herman Kane said that screaming and yelling reminded him that he had to call his wife. Debbie said they shouldn't be playing around on the air about all of this sexual shit. She said he's making himself look like shit. Kane told her that he'd like to address her comment. Debbie said she has no respect for him. Kane told Debbie that he's all about PPP... Pizza, Politics and Pussy. Debbie said he shouldn't be playing around like this on the radio because it's making him look bad. She asked what he's doing on Howard's show anyway. Kane said that he would like to shove his tongue down Debbie's throat if he didn't think she'd run to Gloria Allred.
Howard asked Jon what Debbie said about her criminal past. Debbie said she called with information about Ed. Jon said that she recorded Ed secretly and he protected her by not letting her get those tapes out there. Debbie said he was going to get her kicked off the show. Howard said he doesn't control the show and he wasn't going to get her kicked off the show. Debbie said Ed does control the show and he was going to get her off the show. Howard asked how that was going to happen. Debbie said Ed has pull. Howard said he never speaks to Ed. Debbie said he talks to his people. Howard said he has no pull there.
Howard asked Kane what he thinks about this. Kane asked where the best place to jerk off at Sirius is. Howard got back to Debbie and said he didn't hear the report about her. She said she's glad he didn't hear it. She said she was in jail a long time ago for attempted murder. She said she had to take a plea to get a reduced sentence. Howard said it sounds like she has her temper under control. She said she's not a bad person and she doesn't want people turning things around on her. Debbie freaked out and hung up on Howard a short time later.
Howard said Jon did an excellent job there. He said he's in the trenches now. Howard said Jon used to be a legitimate newsman.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that if he knew how funny Kane was he would have had his support behind him.
Kane told Robin that he gets a raging hard on when he sees her. He asked if she was ''ready to raise a little Kane.'' He asked her to tell him he was so good and say ''Oh yeah.''
Howard said Herman talks in the third person. Kane did that some more and said that Herman Kane is one fine individual and people love Herman. Howard wished him the best with his career even though he doesn't know what's next for him.
Kane said he wanted to get up to Robin's booth and do a scene from Midnight Express. The caller said ''Herman Kane 2016.'' Howard said he has a lot of explaining to do to his wife. Herman said that chicks dig him. He said they can say anything they want but Chicks dig him. He said he's clear and concise and he's packing. He said the 999 means that he's 9 inches long, 9 inches around...
Howard asked Herman who will be vice president. He said that the first lady would be Robin Ophelia. Howard said Robin has tried to work that Ophelia name in there. Robin said she's ready to drop it after all of this.
Howard said coming up next is Joe Paterno to profess his love for Robin. Kane said that Jerry Sandusky will also be there to profess his love for Robin's nephew.
Kane said that we have to get our troops out of Greenland. Howard said he hopes he's kidding about that. Kane said that when he was in charge of Taco Bell he wanted a chance with Robin's taco. He said he's only kidding about that of course.
Howard spent another minute with Mr. Kane and asked Robin if she was turned on. Robin said no. Kane told her that she knows she's going to reach for her favorite vegetable and say ''Oh Herman...'' He said that he'd like to have his moment in the sun with his Nubian princess. Robin asked if they could get him out of there. Howard said that they've heard a lot but they have to go to break. Howard thanked Mr. Kane for visiting. Kane said he's going to be stalking Robin's apartment. He let out one more ''Ophelia'' as Howard ended it and went to break.
Howard came back and said that he's always happy to promote Sirius XM even though he's not sure if it's one company or two. Howard said that they have this guy on Shade 45 by the name of Rude Jude. Howard said he was on the Jenny Jones show and he'd give people shit. Howard said Jude was talking about Floyd Mayweather and how he's ducking fights. Howard said Floyd called into Shade 45 and talked to Rude Jude. Howard said he thought the guy was black but the guy is actually white and looks like Shuli.
Howard played some audio of this Rude Jude guy taking the call from Floyd Mayweather. Mayweather said he heard that someone has something against him. Rude Jude said he thinks he's ducking the fight with Manny Pacquiao. He and Floyd argued about that for a little while. Floyd said he's not hard to find and he'll fight him if he wants. Jude told him to either duck fights or not. He said he's ducking this Pacquiao fight. Floyd said he guarantees that Jude isn't black. Jude said he knows he's not black.
Howard said this is a great fight. He said he might have to tune into his show now. Howard played more of the fight and Floyd said that 50 Cent told him to call in about this shit. Jude told him he can call him anything he wants and it doesn't affect him. Jude told him that his fights are boring and he had to create a reality show because his fights are so boring. Floyd said that he'll get famous after this interview. Jude said he doesn't even have anything against this guy. He said he's not sure why he's upset. Jude said that Mayweather had to play the race card with him. Jude let Mayweather go off on him for a few seconds and asked if he was done. Mayweather called him a faggot and some tother things. Jude let him go and said ''Floyd Mayweather everyone...''
Howard said he likes watching this Rachel Maddow. He said he's been told that she's a lesbian. Howard said he thinks that she'd change for him though. He said if he did date her he'd have to study up and get smart for her. Howard said he'd have to read some books so he could talk to her about stuff like that. He said he'd show his intellectual side. Howard said that's how he'd play the game with her. Howard said she's a sexy woman. He asked if he's off base. Fred said he's with Howard. He said she's cute and intelligent. He said she's not gorgeous.
Howard asked if they think she's fucked a guy. Robin said she probably has. Fred said she looked kind of feminine in high school. He said he saw a picture of her from high school.
The Howard TV guys put up some pictures of Rachel and her girlfriend. Howard said that the girlfriend was the more feminine one. Howard said Rachel looks like the dude in that picture. He said it wasn't a good picture. He said he didn't like that one. Gary said Jason found that online. He said there aren't a lot of pictures of her online.
Howard said Rosie told him that she made love to a guy and it wasn't even all that bad. Howard said he gets why women wouldn't want a man though. He said guys are so gross with the hairy balls, ass and cock. Howard asked Robin if she's ever looked at a guy's ass and thought it looked great. Robin said ''yeah!'' Howard said it's not his ass.
Gary said that the guy from In Plain Sight says that they need this part to be filled even though it's just four lines. He said that it's turned into a big thing though and it's only for four lines.
Gary said that Eric has been emailing him and Jon Hein and cursing them out. Gary said Eric was upset that he pointed out that he had the wrong punctuation in his letter. He said Jon was an asshole because he pointed out that the ratings for Fringe were down the week he was on.
Howard said he'd love to be a fly on the wall for the conversation with Eric and that guy. Gary said he has so many demands on his list. He wants an assistant and a stretch limo among many other things. Gary went over some of the other stuff on the list and Eric was demanding that they not have any script changes. He doesn't want to have any exposure to any ''dangerous wild life'' in New Mexico. Howard said Eric must have a real fear of that stuff since he's in a wheelchair and he's so small.
Howard said maybe they should just clear the whole state of bears and snakes so Eric isn't exposed to that. Gary said that Eric says that they fucked up their plan to make him available for work. He thinks that they've diminished his capacity.
Howard said he might want to listen to that phone call between Eric and the producer. Gary said the guy is the nicest guy and he didn't know this was going to happen. Howard said this Eric thing is for real, it's not shtick.
The caller also said that he wanted to talk about High Pitch Mike being an asshole. He said that he was making comments about protesters who are lazy. The caller said he's been out of work for four years now and he's about to be evicted. He said he's worked in production factories and stuff. He said he has interviews and someone else ends up getting the job. He said that Mike has no fucking idea what he's talking about. Howard thanked the guy for the call.
Howard said that he was told he should have a network interview show. He said that he'd become Edward R. Murrow if he did. Howard said it sounds like a lot of work but they're right.
Howard said one time they had Fake Arnold Schwarzenegger on the show and people thought that he really wanted to blow up the moon. There were actually news reports about it.
Howard said he was reading Star magazine and they claim that Marie Osmond got plastic surgery and she looks like Teri Hatcher now. Robin said she really doesn't look like herself anymore. Howard said he doesn't get when women blow up their lips. Robin wondered why they think that looks good. Howard said it looks like salami.
Howard said they say Kim Kardashian has some kind of skin condition. They had pictures of her covered in red welts.
Howard said he's been watching this documentary about Woody Allen and it's pretty good. Howard said Woody had a kid with Mia Farrow and they had a kid named Shamus. Howard said the kid is like 15 years old and a Rhodes Scholar. Howard said the kid doesn't talk to Woody anymore. Howard said they called the kid Sachel for a while. Howard said his name is now Ronin. He keeps changing his name.
Howard said he read that David Arquette and Courteney Cox love their daughter's finger painting so much that they're buying an art gallery to display her art. Howard asked if that could be real. Howard said he went out to dinner with David and he didn't talk all that much. Howard said his girlfriend was the one doing most of the talking.
Howard said Star magazine claims that Courteney Cox is having a meltdown after her show Cougar Town was canceled. Howard said he loves all of these magazines. He said that he was on the front page of Rolling Stone. He said they reviewed the year and they had all of the cover guys and girls on there.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Robin got verified by Twitter yesterday. Robin didn't even know that. The caller said he wanted to be on hold so he can let the other company know too. He was referring to Sirius and XM and making a joke about that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Benjy isn't funny with the girlfriend thing. Howard said it would be interesting if Benjy really told them what was going on. The caller said that she's going to dump him if she's successful or if she's not.
Benjy asked Howard what he thinks he's lying about. Howard said he thinks he's lying when he says he hasn't had sex with that girl. Benjy said he doesn't want to talk about that because he really loves this girl. He said he really hasn't had intercourse with her though. Howard said he likes to get to the real story and this isn't reality. Benjy said he was chasing this girl and he got into her... Robin said Howard is letting him get into it again. Howard said he's not sure what's going on. He said it's hard to believe that a guy with beard dye and a fake ear ring is telling the truth.
The caller said he adopted a mature dog that someone had dumped off and it's the best animal. He said they're right when they say that adopting an adult animal is the way to go. Howard said Beth was on Rachel Ray talking about that yesterday. Robin said she still hasn't gotten her calendars yet and she ordered them a while ago. Howard said she should be getting them.
Howard said Beth was good on Rachel Ray. He said she brought out some recipe while she was on. He said it was a disgusting dish. She said it was marshmallows and some other stuff. He said it had candy and other stuff in it. He said it was a really weird dish. Howard went to break after that.
Howard came back and said he was reading about Alec Baldwin and his anger issues. Robin said that people wanted him to run for mayor and then he did this. Howard said the guy is a great actor and he gets away with a lot of stuff. Howard read about how he was booted from an American Airlines flight after he got into an argument with a stewardess. Howard said he was on a flight waiting to go and he was playing Words with Friends. Howard said they ask you not to use electronic devices at times and he may have ignored that request.
Howard said he was playing while parked at the gate but all devices were supposed to be off. Howard said that Alec asked for the flight attendant's name so he could report her. He ended up leaving the flight. Howard read about how one of the flight attendants got scared and that's why he was asked to leave. They say he kicked the door and he refused to get off his Facebook.
Howard said that guy has a special kind of anger. Robin said he knows he's in public too. Howard said they say he slammed the bathroom door so loudly that the captain heard it in the cockpit. Howard said one passenger said the plane pulled out and then pulled back.
Robin said they do say that they sat there for 45 minutes. Howard said they also say that he was the reason for the delay. Robin said he was the guy who won't stop.
Gary said Jason gave him another story about Baldwin. Gary said that he had a problem with a barista at a Starbucks and he tweeted out the guy's information for all of his Twitter followers to see.
Howard and Robin were talking about the game Words with Friends and Gary said that's the game Sal plays every day. Sal said he's really good at the game. Howard found that hard to believe. Howard told Sal to play the game with him. Sal told him how the game is played. He said it's like Scrabble but it's on the phone or iPad. Gary said Sal will drag tiles until it creates a word. He doesn't even know the word. Sal said that he has done that. He said he may not know what the word means but he knows it gave him 30 points. Howard said Sal isn't playing it on any intellectual level. He said he's just throwing letters down. Sal said he doesn't do that all the time.
Jon Hein came in and said that Sal cheats. He said that Sal just throws letters out to play his letters. Sal said you don't know what the word means. Howard asked if he gets why that's wrong. Sal said you have to beat your opponent. He said he's creating words. Howard said that you don't do that in Scrabble. Sal said he has learned the words for Scrabble like ''Xi.''
Jon said there's this thing called Cheat with Friends and it can come up with a word for you. Howard said he can't believe that's what Alec Baldwin got kicked off a flight for. JD said that the Cheat with Friends will also tell you where to put the words to get the most points.
Sal said he plays with someone he has to cheat with so he does have that app. Sal said he'll play Jon at Scrabble any day and beat him. Jon told him to bring it on. Howard said Sal is just going to throw out words with that too. Sal said that you get a penalty for that though.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she didn't get her calendars either like Robin didn't get her's. Howard said he'll check into it. Howard said a lot have gone out. The caller said she ordered her's on the first day he announced they were available. Howard said he hopes that she gets it soon but he's not sure. Howard said this is why he doesn't want to get involved with these charity things. He said he's sure that the printing company is on it.
Howard got back to Alec Baldwin and said that he's one angry dude. Robin said that's an entitlement thing. She thinks that he's entitled to that kind of stuff.
Howard played a prank call Sal and Richard made to a car service where they used clips of Alec Baldwin to yell at the guy on the line.
Howard wondered if anyone in his life can tell him he's coming off in a really bad way. Robin said she doesn't think that he's in control. Howard said he needs an agent or someone to tell him he's doing wrong. Robin said that the whole world was telling him he was out of control with other things he's done. Howard said he loves when Alec comes on this show. He said he's always under control then. Howard said he wishes that he could get him to yell and scream in there.
Howard said he knows he acts like a child himself but you have to try and keep that shit under control. Howard said he's in touch with why he acts the way he does. Howard said no matter how old you get you have to try not to act like a dick head.
Robin said she had a meltdown in a hotel lobby once. Robin said she wanted a remote control and room service. Robin said they found her a place to stay and she got there and they had 2 or 3 restaurants on the property and not TV. She said she tried to go to dinner and sat there with a book. She said a woman started talking to her at the next table. She said that she couldn't handle it so she walked into the lobby and started crying saying that they had ruined her vacation. Robin said she was crying uncontrollably. Robin said they asked what they could do. Robin said she needed room service and a remote control. Robin said it was just that babyish. She said they would bring her a TV and every videotape they had. Robin said they did that and brought her every video they had. Robin said they would bring her every meal on a golf cart too. Howard said ''Wow!''
Robin said she thought no one knew who she was but they all did. She said that was up in Canada. Howard said he can't believe that story never got to them. Howard said maybe Alec gets embarrassed after it happens. Robin got embarrassed 3 days later. Robin said that she knew it was totally ridiculous. She said that she went to each person and apologized to them all. Robin said her travel agent even got yelled at. She said she wanted to be away from everything and didn't tell her that she wanted a TV and room service. Robin said it was so sad.
Howard said they must have thought Robin was a total nut. Howard said he doesn't even know what to say after that. Howard said they've all probably acted like babies at times. He said he probably has 50 times this week.
Howard said it was time for news so Fred played her into her news with a Sal and Richard song parody with some Herman Kane audio clips thrown in.
Robin started off with more news about Alec Baldwin. She had some audio of Oscar De La Hoya talking about what happened since he was on the flight.
Robin read about some NYPD officers who had some things posted on Facebook that got them into some trouble. Robin said they were complaining about having to cover a parade.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she has a friend who does photograph and she's willing to talk to Howard if he ever has a question. Howard thanked her for that.
Ralph called in so Howard told him what he was talking about earlier this morning. Howard told Ralph to just send him the specs for the photos. Ralph said he's thrilled with the work he's doing for them. Howard said he's going to take the pictures he likes and send them to Ralph. He said he's done three magazines so far and that's the way he's going to do it. Ralph told him to make the size of an iPad. Howard said that he has to know the size. Ralph said he can measure the iPad and he'll send him that information. Howard said he has to contact the art director and tell him the size. Ralph started to argue so Howard said he's done. Howard said he's going to send him the pictures he finishes and he can use one of those. Ralph said they want to use several. He said he will get him the two orientations. Howard told him to do one orientation and he can manipulate that. Howard said Ralph should be delivering mail at a magazine. Ralph said he doesn't have to get angry with him.
Ralph said he'll call the art department right away. Howard said he's starting a magazine called Douche Bag and Ralph is going to be on the cover every month. Ralph said Howard is so easily annoyed. Howard told him to just get him the answer. He said the guy who was with Ralph at the shoot seems like a real magazine guy. Ralph said those guys wanted him to show them everything. Howard said he's not going to do that.
Howard let Ralph go a short time later. Howard said he thinks he's a magazine publisher. He said he went from 0 to Magazine Publisher. Howard said Ralph tells him not to worry about the crop size. He said he can't finish the pictures if he doesn't know. Howard said Ralph doesn't know what he's talking about. He said you don't tell a photographer to go measure a magazine to figure out the crop size. Howard went to break a short time later.
After the break, around 9:35am, Robin got back to her news and read a story about a 30 year old woman who used her cell phone to snap a picture of a perv who allegedly fondled her in Times Square. Robin said that the woman claims that he squeezed her breasts and buttocks and she snapped the picture.
Robin read about an iPhone app called Find My iPhone and how a woman found her phone by using it. Robin said they arrested the guy who had the phone in his possession.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he moved to the suburbs a few years ago and his show is what gets him through the drive. He asked Howard about pleasuring himself if he moans and groans. Howard said he doesn't do it. Howard asked the guy if he does. The caller said he doesn't either. Howard said he's a guy who gets up at 4 in the morning and if he's up at 2 he needs more sleep. He said he's got to sleep and he'll do it any way he can. He said he has to jerk off. Howard also talked about when he first started masturbating. He figured it was about the age of 14. He wanted to figure out what year it was so he did some of that math he does that takes forever. He figured he was actually about 11 when he started.
Howard said the first time he masturbated he ended up peeing all over his parents bed. He said he was on their bed watching TV and he was trying it out because his friend told him what would happen. Howard said he ended up peeing all over his own belly and on their bed. Howard said he didn't know what his friend was talking about. He said it did feel good to pee on their bed. He said he was really confused when it happened.
Howard said nothing was ever explained to him. He said he was an idiot. He said his dad never sat him down and talked about what it was like to be a man or anything like that. He said his dad just told his mom to have as many kids as she wanted but she had to raise them. Howard said that's just great. He was trapped at home with her and she's depressed but telling him what a great mother she is.
Howard said his dad never did much with him. He said he would lecture him on stuff all day but he never asked him ''How are you doing?'' He said people tell him that their fathers asked them things. His dad never did. Robin asked if he ever asked if anything was wrong. Howard said he didn't. Howard said his dad never asked how it was going in school. He said all he'd hear is what his dad paid for his house and how he didn't want to run off because he had an investment there.
Howard did his impression of his mother talking about how she raised him and what a great mother she was. Howard said meanwhile he's peeing on a bed trying to figure out how to masturbate. That and taking four hits of LSD.
Robin said that Rosie O'Donnell's girlfriend's parents claim they didn't know she was gay until they saw a picture of her with Rosie. Robin said they say it's been painful for them since all of this came out. Howard said maybe the parents should shut their mouths and talk to their daughter in private about it. Robin said things must have come fast and furious and they ended up on the phone to People magazine. Howard said they should know better than to talk to them. Robin said maybe she should have warned her parents that this was going to come out. She could have given them a little heads up. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Robin wondered if she had a kid if she would let it sit on some strange guy's lap as he's dressed as Santa. Howard said if you care about your kids you wouldn't let them do that. Robin said that some kids scream and cry. Howard said that's not the real Santa, it's some fucking guy that smells. Robin said that it can lead to a Santa-phobia. Howard said you don't put a kid in a stranger's lap no matter what costume he's dressed in. Robin had audio of a woman talking about how confusing this can be to kids when you tell them to avoid strangers.
Robin read about a 5 year old who wouldn't calm down during class so a teacher called the cops. Robin said the teacher thought it would be best to have the child arrested. Robin said the kid kicked the teacher in the knee and threw papers on the ground. Robin said they took the kid to a psychiatric hospital and he was in cuffs. Robin said things are out of control.
Robin said she's not sure if Howard goes to water parks. Howard said ''Oh yes, I go often.'' He said he loves to swim around in the shit and piss. Robin said someone noticed people having sex while riding a water slide. Robin said this was in Poland. Robin said the woman was straddling the boyfriend and started making love before going down the slide. Robin said this is a kid's park. She asked if nothing is sacred.
Howard said he loves having sex with his wife but he'd never think about doing something like that. He said it's great just the way it is in bed. Howard said it's almost insulting to a woman to make her go out on a slide to make it more exciting.
Robin asked Howard if he would drive a car if he had trouble controlling his feet. Howard said of course not. Robin read a story about a car that crashed into a home after she hit the gas instead of the brake. She claims she suffers from a medical problem where she has trouble controlling her feet. Robin said she must know better than to drive if that's the case.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked about Alec Baldwin. He said that you can end up getting delayed and you want to kill some time. Howard said there was no delay. The delay was Alec. Howard said when a flight attendant comes up to you and asks you to put away your iPad, you just do it. Howard said it's part of the game. They're not singling the guy out. Howard said he has a hostility and he should go to a psychologist. He said he wishes Alec would come on tomorrow so he could tell him that. Howard said he really needs to work on himself. He said it can't be fun getting worked up over an iPad. Howard did a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about some cereals that are the most sugary on the market. Robin said that some of them have more sugar than a Hostess Twinkie. Robin spent a little time talking to Howard about that. Robin said that it's like giving a Twinkie to your kids for breakfast.
Robin read a story about a bill that would ban abortions based on race or gender. Howard said a lot of black women are in poor communities and they can't afford the kids. Howard said abortion is legal and he wishes people would get over it.
Robin read about Jerry Sandusky and how one of the kids who clams he was molested says that he was given some Whiskey before he was allegedly molested. Robin read more details about that story.
Robin asked Howard if he has a password that's strong. Howard said he has a very strong one. Robin said they say that most people don't. She said a lot of people don't use passwords that are strong enough. Robin said that's according to a study in Consumer Reports. Howard said he has a random word that has no connection to him. He said it was rated very strong. Robin said they say that most people use the same password for multiple accounts too. Howard said they say that you shouldn't even have an actual word.
Robin read about Barry Bonds and how he'll be sentenced in court next week.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's right about Ralph. He said that there are a lot of people who don't know what they're doing and ask to see all the stuff that's shot. He said he has come across that in the TV business.
Robin read about how Donald Trump will be moderating an upcoming debate. Robin had some audio of Trump talking about how good that should be. Robin said that Mitt Romney won't be at the debate. Robin said that Romney says he spoke to Trump about it. Romney says Trump was very understanding.
Robin said that Michelle Bachman is talking about some of the other nominees and how they're really not true conservatives. Robin had some audio of her talking about that. Howard said they have to stop with this abortion talk. He said there are so many unwanted kids and they can end up like Dexter but Dexter who kills innocent people too.
Robin read about a congressman who has stopped the ban on bibles at Walter Reed V.A. hospital. Robin had some audio of the guy talking about that.
Robin read about a 17 year old kid who won a scholarship for creating a cancer fighting process that targets cancer cells. Robin said her process targets the cells and leaves healthy cells alone. Howard said that's some kid. He said her parents must be so proud.
Robin read about the Pearl Harbor commemoration day ceremonies in Hawaii. Robin had some audio of FDR's speech to the country after those attacks.
Robin had some audio of Halle Berry talking about the new movie she's in. Howard didn't last with those clips.
Robin said she had some audio of Patton Oswald talking about his new movie ''Young Adults.'' Howard didn't last with that one either.
Robin said that Hillary Swank is still trying to explain why she was at that Chechnya President's party. Robin said she claims that she was invited by a Turkish company. She said she was asked to wish the President a happy birthday so she did. She didn't research the guy before going. Howard said she's leaving out that she was paid a million and a half dollars to make the appearance. Howard said you have to ask yourself why someone is offering that kind of money to do that. Howard said he'd look into it if he was offered money like that. He'd be kind of curious. Howard said she should have just admitted she got wet when she heard ''A million and a half dollars.''
Robin said that Michael C. Hall and Jennifer Carpenter, the woman who plays his sister on Dexter, have finalized their divorce.
Robin said that Don Rickles son has died. Robin said that he died of respiratory failure. Robin said she's not sure exactly what caused that. Howard said he's sorry to hear that. Robin said he's survived by his mother, father and sister. They ended the show after that, right around 10:25am.
Gary said that Kane was good today. He said everyone was writing lines but most of the disgusting stuff about Robin were written by Sal. Gary said he thinks that some of those ideas come from his real life.
Jon said Sal was also getting emotional about the music discussion today. Gary said it's weird but it's almost understandable. He said it was kind of weird he got upset about ''Back in the New York Groove.'' Benjy said that music an move you and it brought Sal back to being a kid. Gary said that's still weird. Gary said he's not sure what it was about that particular song. They had to go to break after that.
Jon asked Sal about why he got so emotional with the ''Back in the New York Groove'' song. Sal said it was a combination of everything. He said when they took off their make up he thought he'd never get to see them in concert like that. They talked about some KISS history and how they released four solo albums at once and Ace's was the only one that really sold.
Gary asked Sal if he could have asked an aunt or someone to take him to see KISS. Sal said that none of them could have done it. He said he had never been to anything like that as a kid. He said he did go to movies and the circus. He said that his dad didn't take him though. His dad would give money to someone else to take him.
Jon said they were talking about the Rock and Roll hall of fame today and Howard and Gary were saying that KISS isn't worthy of the hall of fame. Sal said that he thinks that they are worthy. He said as time went on they became a novelty act but they didn't start out that way. He said he thinks that Gene Simmons ruined the whole thing for them. Sal said that KISS Alive was hard core rock and roll. He said that they brought rock and roll to life. He said it's disgusting and blasphemous that they've been left out of the hall of fame.
Gary asked Sal if he could only go to see the Beastie Boys or KISS, which one would he go see. Sal said that's really hard to answer. Sal thought about it for way too long. He said he'd have to go with the Beastie Boys because they have integrity.
Jon asked Sal about being the president of the Beastie Revolution. Why didn't he do anything like that with KISS. Sal said he just never got around to it. He said his kids were into KISS for a while too. He said he was proud of that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he's sorry but he's going to throw Sal under the bus. He said that he thinks he got upset because Sal and his wife were fans of KISS. Sal said she doesn't really like them that much. He said she's gone to a few concerts though. The caller said he's friends with his wife on Facebook and she's mentioned that a few times. Sal asked him to message her and ask what's for dinner tonight.
Jon asked Sal if he bonds with his wife over Elton John or anyone like that. Sal said he went to an Elton John concert and they were in the 10th row and it was great. He had to thank Ross Zapin for that. Sal said he did a song and they were holding hands and it was great. Then he went to kiss her and she told him his breath smelled awful. That's the only thing he remembers from that night. He said they've gone to see Billy Joel too.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that Sal does a horrible job of defending KISS. He said he thinks that if Howard listened to them while he worked out he'd get into them too. The caller and Sal argued a little bit about the songs they like and don't like. The caller said they did take the country by hold when they started out. Sal said he was basically saying the same thing as this guy was saying.
Sal kept saying that a lot of bands were influenced by KISS. Sal could only name Dimebag Darrell and Mike McCready from Pearl Jam. They spent a minute on that and then had to take another break.
Jon said he and Ralph have had their problems but they have figured out how to do it. He said they can't get along better. Gary said the only time he's ever seen Jon get mad was with Ralph. He said he told Ralph to go fuck himself in that studio one day.
Jon said that Howard seemed genuinely annoyed at Ralph. He said that Howard was saying that he should just let him do his thing. He said that's why he got so annoyed with Ralph. Jon said maybe Howard was overreacting.
Benjy said he thinks that maybe both of them were kind of wrong. Gary said he's not sure if Ralph would ask a real photographer for all of his stuff. Benjy said he gets both sides. Gary said Howard needed a crop size and Ralph asked to see everything.
Ralph was on the phone so he told the guys that they wanted to see whatever Howard had after a first edit. He said this is a standard thing for the magazine business. He said that's not according to him, it's according to the people he's working with. He said that you also need two crop sizes for the iPad. He said Champion Magazine is animated too so they need more than one image. He said Howard does extensive Photoshop stuff and he loves it but he can't see him doing that on 200 pictures. Ralph said that ''we'' want to narrow it down and it's not just him saying that.
Ralph said he thought Howard was looking for direction from them and that's not what he wanted. He said it's all coming down on him now. He said that the guys who have been doing this for 10-15 years are asking for this stuff. It's not just him. He said that they want to see what Howard shot and that's why they're asking for it. Ralph said he's been trying to make everything go smooth and he's tried to support Howard in any way he can. He said now it's turned into this and it bums him out. Ralph said he wanted it to be fun for Howard and now this. Ralph said if he was Howard's boss he would ask for everything and that's not what he's doing. Jon said he hopes they can work things out. Ralph said he's sure they will. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about how poor Gary was trying not to clear his throat in front of him but it's not working. Howard said Gary will try to do it quietly and it's not working. He said he's drinking this hot water with cayenne pepper in it and he almost choked on it. Howard said he's doing this little throat clearing thing that he thinks he can't hear. He said he's drinking that stuff way too late in the morning. Robin said he should do it on his way into work, or all day long.
Howard told Gary to do the throat clearing thing for him. Gary tried it but it was too loud. Howard said you can see his struggle. Gary said Howard causes his struggle. Howard said he didn't cause it. Gary said that he is the reason for his problem.
Gary said he can do his thing from his office instead of coming in there. He can clear his throat off mic if he does it from there. Howard said he thinks that they have some pretty intimate conversations though. Howard said he's not sure he wants to do that.
Howard said he got so upset with Gary yesterday. He said he's not that upset with him but with the other maniacs that work there.
Howard said yesterday Gary came off the Wrap Up Show and he heard Gary talking up a storm by his door really loud. Howard said he didn't want to bust anyone's balls but he could hear him talking louder and louder. He poked his head out and asked Gary to keep it down. He said Gary was very apologetic. Howard TV was having him give a tour of the compound and Gary didn't know he was back there.
Howard said Gary knows that he's back there. Gary said he's usually gone by the time he gets back there. JD did know though. Howard said he asked JD why he didn't tell Gary that he was resting in his office. He said JD turned to him and said he thought it would be funny. Howard said he said ''fuck you... dick head.''
Howard said Ronnie said he didn't warn them either. Howard said he's not sure why he has Ronnie there. He said he thinks Ronnie wanted to see what would happen. He said both Ronnie and JD are shitheads. Ronnie said that they all know the rules there. Ronnie said that everyone knows the rules there. Howard said it was obvious what was going on there.
Ronnie said this was 3 or 4 minutes before he was supposed to wake him so he didn't see what was going on. Ronnie said that he asked JD why he didn't say anything and he told him he wanted to see Gary get in trouble. Howard said that's his boss. He said that Gary has his back. JD said he didn't know Gary was going to keep going with the talking.
Howard asked JD if he's mad at him for not being a film director. JD said he's not. Howard said that's an aggressive thing. JD said it was 11:05 and he just stupidly assumed that he was almost done. Howard said JD turned to him and said he thought it would be funny. JD said he's not mad at anyone and he didn't know it was that big of a deal.
Howard said Lee from Howard TV was taking the blame for it. Ronnie said that Lee knew that Howard was there. Howard asked why they all have a problem with this. Howard said he takes a snooze after the show. He said everyone should know that. Gary said Howard is usually gone by then.
Lee came in and said that he asked Gary to do the shoot and he set up the whole thing. He said that he should have known. Lee said none of that would have happened if he had thought about where they were shooting. Howard said he's so sleep deprived and he has to get some sleep after the show. He said he's as good as new after taking that nap.
JD said he's usually aware of what's going on back there. Howard said he thinks that JD is the most guilty. JD said he is. Robin said JD will warn him when she goes back there. Howard said JD must feel comfortable letting Gary get into trouble.
Howard asked JD if it was funny for him. JD said it was at the time. Lee said that they should have known he was back there. Howard said JD could have warned him too. He said he's not so upset that he's going to kill himself or anything. JD said that he might. Howard told him not to do that.
Howard said that JD has lost to Jason in the intern voting on the Intern Show so he does get kind of upset about that. Howard said JD has a good personality when he writes in email but not in person. Howard said he has been good when he's not on air too. He said he gets nervous or something on the air.
Robin said when JD was trying to answer about why he didn't warn anyone he's stuttering and stammering out ''I, I, I...'' JD started to say something and it was the exact same thing.
Howard said he can see that JD isn't his bro any more. JD said that's not true. Gary said people are wondering why he's mad at Howard. Howard said he's not in touch with his feelings. JD insisted he's not mad at anyone. Howard said he gets that his mother moved away but don't take it out on him. JD said that's not it. He said he's not mad at anyone.
Howard said that the evil that came out of JD yesterday was wild. He said he was laughing like a little girl. Howard said he started laughing and said he just wanted to see Gary get in trouble. JD mumbled out something that didn't go anywhere. Fred did his impression of JD doing that mumble. JD said it's not so funny anymore.
Howard said JD got him yesterday. He said ''Et tu JD... Et Tu.'' Howard said JD should tell him he's a sucker. JD said that's not the truth. Howard kept telling him to say that. JD said it once but he said it's not true.
Howard said he knows he's a bad guy. He must have deserved that. JD said that's not true. Howard said he hopes he has a grand time at the Christmas party. He said he'll be in the back sleeping today after the show so he can get him again today.
Howard told JD he has his back. JD said he knows that. JD was mumbling more stuff so Howard and Fred goofed on him about that. Howard said maybe today he can punch him in the balls or trip him out in the hallway. JD just sighed. Howard said he really got him good yesterday. He wondered what other practical jokes he has planned. JD said he's out of the practical joke business. Howard asked if he has one of those buzzer things for his hand. JD said he doesn't.
Howard said JD hates him and he didn't grow up the way he expected. JD said he doesn't hate anyone. Howard said he doesn't like him. JD said he does like him and if he didn't he wouldn't work there. Howard said he thought he had a special thing with JD. He thought he had a son. He told JD he gave him a TV in his office. JD said that's part of his job.
Howard said he has a small office. He only has a chair and that's it. JD said he had a lapse of judgment and he's sorry. Howard said he's going to forgive him then. JD said he's sorry to Gary too. Howard said Jared is gone and he's not sure why he's still angry. Howard said maybe he should crash some cymbals back there in the hall while he's sleeping. JD just went ''Ugh.''
Robin said that she was asked when they're coming back and she thought that they were working Tuesday and Wednesday the first week in January. Gary said they are coming in on Tuesday and Wednesday, January 3 and 4. Robin said she signed a contract that says they can't work a week like that. Howard said they can. Gary said he's not sure about that. Howard said he's sure. He said Gary has gone over this 900 times with the contract and he says they have it under control.
Robin said she doesn't want to be working 5 days a week in December next year. Howard said Gary has figured it all out. Howard said Gary hasn't released the schedule yet because they're trying to confirm the dates. He said he saw Gary counting the dates.
Howard played a song parody that Richard and Sal did where they sing about Gary fucking up the schedule this year. Howard said Sal has Gary's cough down in that song.
Howard said Baldwin was slamming the door of the bathroom and the pilot had to come out. Howard said he's so enraged that he can't even look at himself to calm himself down. Howard said the guy has a tape out of him yelling at his daughter and a story about a Barista and punching walls back stage and things like that.
Howard said Baldwin got into a yelling match with a police officer over a plane crash. He said that Alec got out and lectured the cop about getting through and why he should be allowed to go. Howard said he's going to end up killing someone if this keeps up. He said he has to look at himself and see that.
Howard said Baldwin was calling the flight attendant a 1950s gym teacher and he thinks that's what his dad was. He said the guy really needs to get therapy. Howard said he goes and it really helps. Robin said maybe he is in therapy. Howard said it's not working if he is. He said he doesn't think he's going.
Howard said he got a note about Baldwin's dad and he was a football coach in high school. He said he thinks that's what Alec was referring to in that rant about the flight attendant.
Howard said he used to be called a hippie when he was a kid with long hair. He said he grew the hair to hide his face and he was really nothing like a hippie or anything else. He was nothing.
Howard said he looked like Tiny Tim. He said his mom wouldn't let him wear jeans back then. He had to wear slacks. He said he looked like he was running for governor. Howard said his mom would tell him he wasn't going to wear filthy jeans and sneakers to school. He said she has a hang up on cleanliness.
Howard said his mom would say that jeans is not how you dress for school. Howard said he was a mess and he didn't look cool. He said his mom made him wear penny loafers. He said he should have carried a shopping bag like Tiny Tim did. Howard said his mom would say sneakers look like rags on his feet. He said his mom didn't care that everyone else was wearing them.
Howard said he should have had an alcohol problem based on what was going on in that house. He said that his dad brags that he still has liquor from his bachelor party. Howard said his parents used to have people over to their house and they'd make this dried fruit and marshmallows with toothpicks treat. He said he doesn't even know what it was. He said that she'd complain it was too much work and he didn't know why she bothered with it. He said it looked like a cake but it was Styrofoam and tin foil with stuff skewered through it. He said he doesn't know what the fuck she was doing. He said it took all day to do it though. Howard said he wouldn't eat it. He said he'd eat anything back then too.
Howard said he doesn't think anyone ate it. He said he hasn't seen it since then. He said he should ask his mom what the fuck that was. He said his dad may have filmed it back then too. Howard said it was a big, all day affair making that thing. Howard said his dad would make Whisky sours for the guests too.
Robin said that life begins when you get out of your parent's house. Howard said that's true. He said he was watching that Woody Allen documentary and his parents didn't understand him at all. Robin said school was a nightmare for him. Howard said the guy is an amazing talent. He said you have to forget his personal life to realize that. Howard said Woody had a typewriter and he would write jokes and send them into the newspaper. Howard said Walter Winchel would write down Woody's jokes in the paper and he was only 16 at the time he was writing them. He said he got a call from ''Your Show of Shows'' and got hired for $2,500 a week writing. Howard said he was a high school kid making that kind of money. Robin said he changed his name so the kids in school didn't know. Howard said he thinks he changed his name for a lot of reasons. Robin said he didn't want to be singled out in school.
Howard said he finds it funny that he still writes his movies on a typewriter. He said it works for him though. Robin said he writes and makes a movie a year. Howard said it's not like one of Ronnie's poems. People actually want to see that stuff.
Robin said that Spiro Agnew got in trouble and a bunch of guys that followed him ended up going to jail too.
Howard said he's glad this judge gave him the time he did. He said that the judge said that his apologies don't make up for what he did so now he has to pay the price. Howard said Rod's wife was right next to him crying and that's what happens when you do this stuff.
Robin said that everyone is up to something and they should be putting everyone away. Robin said she's disappointed in how long it takes to get one person. She said that the guy was running around on TV telling his story. Howard said they had him there in the studio. He said he was glad to see they did the right thing. Robin said it's a smear. She said it's not a beginning. Howard said he thinks it is. Robin said it doesn't mean that everyone is cleaning up their act. Howard said it's a start. She should be happy about that.
Howard played this ad he was talking about and Rick is saying that he's not ashamed to say he's a Christian. Howard said no one is ashamed to say they're a Christian. Howard said there are people who say that they're ashamed to be Jewish.
Howard played more of the ad and Perry is talking about how kids aren't allowed to celebrate Christmas in school these days. Robin said kids can do whatever they want in school. They can pray if they want. Howard played the rest of the ad and Perry says that he approved that ad. Howard said he wouldn't approve that if he were Perry.
Howard said they have Eric the Midget and John Strauss, the guy from ''In Plain Sight,'' coming up in a little while. He said they're going to work out Eric's demands on the air.
Howard said that he loves to follow Pat Robertson. He said that some of the clips that come out of that 700 club are beyond belief. Howard said to him Pat is the same as a homeless guy with a tin cup. Robin said he just has a sophisticated way of asking for money. Howard said in this clip they have a segment where they read email. He said Pat Robertson looks like an old woman at this point and he's siting there like Andy Rooney trying to answer questions. Howard said this one was really confusing.
Howard played the clip and the woman reads an email about hearing a song and how someone dies every time they hear the song. Howard said you'd think that you'd tell the person that they're thinking like a 2 year old. He said Pat likes this kind of voodoo so he goes along with it and gets into a rant about time. In the clip Pat talks about how some people have pre-cognition and then starts talking about time and how there really is no ''time.'' He goes on and on about that
Howard played another clip where they read an email from a woman who said that they're having financial problems and they aren't getting their prayers answered. Robertson basically told the woman to keep tithing to her church and maybe her prayers will be answered. Robertson says that maybe they have to cut back on their expenses. He tells her not to rob god at the same time though.
Howard said this guy doesn't have an embarrassing bone in his body. He said he just tells them to keep giving to the church even if they're going broke. Howard said Pat doesn't think gays should have any rights either. Howard said this guy is a sick fuck. He said he's glad there's death because you hope that their attitudes will die off with them.
Howard played a clip of Robertson talking about the acceptance of homosexuality in this country and how we're inflicting it on other nations. Howard said that's not true. Robertson says there is a god in heaven and he is just. Howard said he thinks that if his history serves him right he thinks that Thomas Jefferson was an Atheist. Robertson went on and on about how we're not going to get away with it if we keep this up in this country. Howard said he gets people worked up and then they tithe to him. He said that the gay thing gets people all jumbled up.
Howard said that was his Pat Robertson rap for the day. He said he likes to see him getting older. He said it gives hope for those kinds of attitudes dying off.
Howard played some clips that Richard edited together where they had Pat saying all kinds of wacky stuff. Howard said they have to take a break but Kevin Nealon will be coming in. He said they have Eric the Midget and John Strauss calling in too.
Howard took a call from a guy who said the whole Eric thing is a joke. He said he can't wait to hear the demands. Howard said this was all for four lines in the TV show too. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back as the song was playing so he sang along with it a little bit. Howard said he thought it was cool when he cursed in the song. He said he brought his mom into the room to hear it when he played it. He said she was never upset by language like that. Howard asked how long he's been dead. Robin said it's the anniversary of his death today actually. 31 years.
Howard said he tries to get work for Eric the Actor. He said that John Strauss, who runs ''In Plain Sight,'' is in negotiations with Eric the Midget. Howard said that he thought it would be fun to do it.
Howard got John on the phone and told him that he warned him it was going to backfire on him. John said he was absolutely correct. Howard said Eric has written a list of demands. Robin said it would make J-Lo blush. Howard said this is a part that has only four lines and it would take less than a day to film. John said he's correct about that. Howard said this part is very important to the show though. They wanted to shoot in January and they can't really replace him. John said they have to get this resolved or they're going to go down in flames. He said he doesn't have the hours to be dealing with this.
Howard asked John how many hours he's put into this. John said he has people working on it and he's been woken up in the middle of the night about this. John said that he's the show runner and he doesn't usually handle this kind of stuff with someone who has a 4 line part in a show. He said he's never negotiated a contract for a 4 line role in his career.
Howard asked John about getting the letter from Eric and thinking it was a joke. John said he absolutely thought it was a joke. Howard said Eric was making all kinds of demands. Eric demanded to have script approval and no script changes for his part. John said those were some of his favorite demands.
Howard asked John is a major player. He wrote the screenplay for ''Something About Mary.'' Howard said he must have been able to retire after that. John said he's sorry he didn't. He also wrote the Tim Allen Santa movie series. Howard asked why he's working on In Plain Sight. John said he loved the series and he met with Mary and it all fell together. He said up until about a month ago he was having a good time.
Howard got Eric on the line and asked if he sees what he's doing. Eric asked Howard if he saw who sent the email. He said he didn't send it. Howard said Johnny sent it but they were Eric's demands. Howard said Eric spoke to him on Monday and he did approve them. Eric said that he legitimately didn't though.
Howard said usually a guy with four lines would never get on the phone with John. Howard said he got him hooked in. Eric said that Johnny is the one who came up with all of that bullshit.
Robin asked which parts they can throw out. Howard said the request to know how long he's going to be gone for is a legitimate request. Eric said that he has a doctor's appointment on the 19th. John said they might have a problem. He said they shoot from the 18th to the 27th and they don't know the exact day yet. He said it could be one of those days. Howard said maybe he'll back out right now. John said he has answers to all of those things so maybe they can work it out right now.
Howard asked Eric if he could move his doctor appointment. Eric said he'll have to look. He said he can probably move it to the 26th. John said that's still in that window. Howard said he should put it off until after.
John said that as they get closer he might be able to give him a specific date. Howard said that's a hard date. John said that's correct. John said he has to have him available on the day they come up with. He said he can give him 2 weeks notice about moving it. Eric said the other part is that he has to automatically call the oxygen company to get that set up. Howard said he's jumping ahead. He told Eric he's going to have to handle it himself. Eric said he was already going to do that.
Howard asked what he's going to be paid. John said that he wants to jump in with the travel arrangements. John said that he has two options. He can drive where he'd be paid for 5 days of work. He said they pay you for travel days. He said that it would be 2 days driving there, 1 day of work and 2 days back. He said he'd clear about $3,000. He said that Sag is just over $2,800 and it works out to about 3 grand. Howard said Eric says in the note that if it's just SAG then he's out. Howard asked Eric what he wants to do. Eric said that his dad is a mileage Nazi with the van so driving is okay but he'd have to avoid using the vehicle they have. Robin said maybe he can rent a vehicle. John said that they'll have to do another 3 days of work with that.
Howard asked John if he's ever gone through this with a guy with only 4 lines. John said he hopes they never have to do this again. John said that if he flies then they pay him for 3 days of work. He said that he's going to get about 2 grand or something like that. John said there is no direct flight so he'd have to fly through a bunch of cities to get there to New Mexico.
Eric said flying would be good but airlines like to have 30 days advance notice for someone who has oxygen. Robin said she thinks he's driving. Howard said he should just drive. Eric said okay to that.
Howard asked if he's going to get residuals. John said he will and he'd get around what he made for the first replay. He said it's not up to them though. That's a SAG thing.
John asked if Eric is in SAG. Eric said he is. John said that helps. Howard said he is Eric the Actor after all.
Howard asked if there will be a masseuse on the set. John said no. He asked if that's a deal breaker. Eric said he just has to be careful about his hip and knee.
Howard asked John if there's an Arby's or McDonald's near the set. John said they don't know exactly where the set is yet. He said they sometimes shoot in a sound stage and sometimes on location. He said he's not sure where the location will be. He said it's New Mexico so chances are there will be a McDonald's somewhere. Howard said there will be food on the set too. John said he's sure they can find McDonald's. Howard said he thinks Eric should take this out of there and assume he's going to get food. Eric said he told Johnny to take that one out so it doesn't matter.
Howard asked if this could be a recurring role and if they could move production to San Francisco. Eric said that one can be tossed out too. Howard said that's good.
Howard said that Eric needs a co-starring credit on a solo card. John said that they will try to get him something but they can't promise anything like that. He said they've had a lot of big stars on the show and they don't give solo cards to everyone. Eric was wiling to throw that one out too.
Howard said Eric is also looking for a 5 star hotel. Eric said that doesn't have to stay in either. Howard said he's only going to be there for a day. He said he sleeps and goes home. John said that he has an answer. He said there is no 5 star hotel there in Albuquerque but they can put him up at the Hyatt Regency which is a very nice hotel. He said they can do the 2 bedroom room too.
Howard said he wants a stretch Limo to get to and from the set. Howard asked if they're going to provide that. John said Mary doesn't even have a stretch Limo. Eric said that's another Johnny suggestion. He doesn't mind if that gets tossed.
Howard asked how he'll get back and forth to the set. John said they can pick him up or he can't drive his own vehicle. He said that they can solve that in some way.
Howard said Eric demands an assistant to his assistant. Eric said they can drop that too. Howard said Eric wants to have script approval and blocking. John said no. Eric said that was another thing Johnny came up with. Howard threw that out too.
Howard said Eric demands four 20 ounce Pepsis a day. John said they can do that. Robin said they should say no to that just because of his health. Eric said he drinks them for energy. Howard said it's terrible for his health. It's in though.
Howard said Eric says no last minute script changes. He has three exclamation points next to that one. Howard said that must be important to him. Eric said that was more Johnny than him. He said that when he did Fringe they sprung the whole final scene on him after he got there. John said that they won't do that and he can tell him that it's less likely that they'll be changing the lines. He said it's a drama, not a comedy.
Howard said Eric also doesn't want to be blown up, murdered or mutilated. John said that's not part of the script.
Howard said that Eric doesn't want to be exposed to any wild life out there. Eric said he can alter that one too. Eric said Johnny looked it up and said there are werewolves out there in Albuquerque. Howard said this is a four line part and they're not going to expose him to any wildlife. John said that Mary has 3 kids so they wouldn't do that. Eric said he's going to alter that one because he has no fear of anything with fur, tails and paws.
Howard asked Eric why he would believe that there are werewolves out there. Eric said that's what Johnny told him. He read it on Wikipedia. Howard took that out of the contract. Robin said there's no such thing as Werewolves. Howard asked if he believes in vampires. Eric said he doesn't know if there are or not. Howard asked if there are any werewolf deaths in Albuquerque that he knows of. John said he isn't aware of any. John said if this is a deal breaker then he needs to know. Howard said he doesn't think it is. Eric asked Fred why he's not researching that werewolf thing. Fred said there's no such thing. Eric said Johnny insisted he was correct. Howard told Eric to think for himself.
Howard said he thinks they're done with the demands. He read Eric's note and asked John if he can assure Eric that New Mexico is a United States state and he doesn't need a passport. John laughed and said he can assure him of that.
Gary came in and said that he thinks this is still going to go wrong in some way. He said he hopes it goes well though.
Gary said that Eric has a ''No Howard TV'' clause in his demands usually. Howard said that he should throw them a bone since they got him a job. Eric said that he has no problem with Shuli so they can send him. Howard said that sounds fair. Eric said he just wanted to say that the last thing Johnny put in there about New Mexico was a joke. He said he knows it's a state.
Howard told John he can get back to running his show now. Howard said John is going to have to type up this agreement with Eric. John said he's got to get back to running the show. John just said ''Wow...''
Howard said it would be great if John was a werewolf and this was a trick to get him dinner. Eric said he doubts that. He said he doubted Johnny too but he insisted there were werewolves out there.
John said the only thing they have to figure out is how Eric is getting out there. He said he feels that it could be a powder keg. Fred played an explosion clip. Robin said she thinks that was John's head exploding. Howard said that Eric should be handling this stuff all himself. John said that was his head exploding.
Howard asked Eric if he can get himself out there. Eric said he will get out there. He won't bother John with that. John said he's not feeling reassured about that. John said it sounds like they're still going to have a problem. Howard said this could take a whole show to figure out. John said he doesn't have his whole life to do this. Howard asked if he wanted to get out of this whole thing.
Eric said that his dad doesn't want to have a whole lot of mileage on the van. Howard said this whole thing sounds like a nightmare. He said maybe he should move the production to Sacramento. John said he's not feeling as good as he thought he was going to feel after this. Howard said that Eric should have said that he'll handle the whole thing about getting out there.
John said that they'll do some pricing on renting a van to get him out there. He said that they can research the airline thing too. He said they have to put a clock on it. Eric said his wheelchair is portable so they can do an SUV if they can't get a van. Howard told John to go ahead and get an SUV.
Howard said most guys must want to blow John for a 4 line part. Howard said he thinks that John should deal directly with Eric or maybe just email him and give him the information and figure it out in 2 days. Howard said he thinks that John should get out of it if they can't figure it out in 2 days. John said he'll give it 48 hours from this moment. Howard said Eric can give him a yes or no and then they can figure out if they're done.
John said he'll work on it this morning and figure it all out. Howard asked if they can be left out of the loop. John said he has to keep someone there in the loop or he'll lose his mind.
Howard said Eric has 48 hours to figure this whole thing out. He said he has to say yes or no. John said this is a great role too. He said he plays a landlord and he gets upset with a hoarder and he hits on a girl there and she doesn't go for him. He said it's a great role.
Howard said there is a report on the internet about a werewolf in Albuquerque. He said that he should get that clause put back in. Howard told John that Eric really can't act so he should realize that. Eric said this is coming from someone who said he liked him in Fringe. Howard said he did say that. He said Eric is a good actor. He was making a joke. Howard said he has to get out of this.
Howard wanted to get off the line. Eric had more to say about the payment though. Eric said he was paid $3,000 on Fringe. John said that they will get him close to 3 with the payment. John said that if his quote is 3 grand from Fringe then they can match it. Eric said he wanted to say to any shit head listening they don't have to report this to SSI. He said he's already reported it.
Howard said he should call Eric ''George Puny.'' Howard asked John if he can give him the 3 grand. John said that he wants 3 grand and that's it. John said Howard can kick in the extra $150 then. Howard said no. Howard asked if he's going to be in a scene with Mary McCormack. John said no. He said that he will be with one of the agents from the office though. Eric said she's new to the series. Howard asked if she's a werewolf. John said she's not as far as they know.
Howard said that the Hyatt hotel has their pool closed for the winter. John laughed. He asked if the Jaccuzi is open. Eric said he's fine if it's not. Robin said they have to iron out the pay and the travel. John said those are the two most important things.
Howard asked John if they can get the pay worked out. John said he will match his quote if he got that on Fringe. Eric said he can work that out. He said he can have the casting person contact him. Howard told John to just give him the three grand.
Howard said John has plenty of time to work on this since he's up at quarter to 5 in the morning where he's at. John thanked Howard very much for this. Howard said John used to have some respect and dignity. Now he's negotiating with Eric in Albuquerque. Howard said he hopes they don't shoot during a full moon. Howard thanked John and Eric and let them go. Robin said she can't believe he was serious about the werewolves. Howard said Johnny told him that. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that was a very funny phony phone call by Kevin Nealon who is now in the show ''Weeds'' with Mary Louise Parker. Kevin came in a few seconds later. He went to shake Howard's hand but Howard doesn't like to do that. Kevin said he has to wash his hands if he shakes people's hands.
Howard said that Kevin claims that he saw the movie ''Deliverance'' and he was inspired by that move to play banjo. Howard said Kevin got to play with Steve Martin. Howard said Steve doesn't shake any hands or sign autographs. Kevin said Steve is really good at banjo. Howard said he hates the banjo. Kevin said he does too but he likes playing it. He said he doesn't buy any banjo albums or anything.
Kevin said that he played banjo with Steve but it seems like any banjo player likes any other person who plays banjo. He said he has hung out with Steve a few times. Howard asked if banjo can get you laid at all. Kevin said ''Not with anyone who isn't mentally challenged.
Kevin said that he's not that good at playing banjo. He said he plays guitar a little bit but not that well. He said he's the same with golf. He said he sees other people playing and they're so much better than him.
Howard asked Kevin if he works too much. Kevin said his dad tells him he is but he's sitting down or flying most of the time that he's ''working.''
Howard said Kevin is on ''Weeds''' now but he's working on a new sitcom. Kevin said that he knows what's going on. He said Gary came into the green room and found out what was going on and then he disappears. He goes right in and tells Howard what's going on. Howard said Gary did tell him that he's working on a new sitcom. Kevin said Weeds has been on 7 seasons and they just got picked up for season 8. Howard said that's a great run. He asked if he's making any money. Kevin said he never makes any money. He said if he gets a film they tell him that it's favored nations and that means that everyone gets the same amount. He said you don't know about the bonuses that they're getting though.
Howard asked Kevin if he's a millionaire. Kevin said he's doing okay. He said if he was investing properly he'd probably have a lot of money. Kevin said that he just keeps paying off his house. Howard said the theory is that he's actually selling pot.
Kevin said that his wife really likes Robin. He said Robin would be like the wife on the show. He said that she's always embracing what Howard says and backs it up. Robin said she's not sure she'd be a good wife. Howard said he thinks there's something going on with Robin. He said Robin is a fabulous woman but there's something going on there. He said she should be married and she would be a loyal woman. Howard said when she's on your team she's a team mate. Howard told her to pretend she's not there. He said he feels it's time for love. He said she fights it though. Kevin said she doesn't trust it.
Kevin asked if they ever hang out when they're not at work. Howard said they do sometimes. Kevin asked Robin if she's ever been in a long term relationship. Robin said she was in one for 10 years. Howard said he thinks it was the guy's fault. Howard said he has to work with Robin, not that guy.
Kevin said he'll keep Robin in mind for his friends. He said they all have history though. Howard said he knows people too but they're worse than him.
Kevin said it was like when they tried to find a godfather for their son. He said it wasn't easy. Kevin said he has a 5 year old son and he's 58. Howard said he's 57. Kevin said they're very similar. He said they've had a similar background. Kevin said that the kid just kind of happened. He said this is his second wife. He said this is the first time he was a dad.
Kevin said he met his wife while doing a talk show pilot for a friend. He said it was the John Henson pilot. He said he was hosting a show himself and he went into the make up room and there was a woman in there. He said that she was bored. He said she was hot though. Kevin said that he asked another woman if they think that a single guy can adopt a child. He was using that as a pick up line. Howard said it's a pick up line that doesn't sound like a pick up line.
Kevin said he's not good at moving in on women. He said that was his best move ever. Kevin said he hung out with her and asked her out for a drink. Howard saw a picture of her and she's hot. Kevin said she's about 17 years younger than him. Kevin said Howard could still have a kid. Howard said he thinks he'd be worn out. Kevin said he doesn't think he would.
Howard said Kevin's wife is stunning. Kevin said she's got a southern twang and it's cute. Fred said that she is hot. Kevin said her name is Susan.
Howard asked Kevin about dating Jan Hooks while they were on Saturday Night Live. Kevin said she was probably the best sketch comedy person he's ever worked with. Howard asked if he tried to get in her pants for the 6 years they worked together. Kevin said they became friends first and she didn't want him romantically. He said he's not a quick worker like that so he'd just hang around for 5 or 6 years. He said they became good friends and laughed together. He said he asked why they couldn't be more than that. He said she knew that too. Kevin said she was dating other guys though. He said they would go out for drinks and then she'd go out on a date with someone else. He figured she'd come around eventually. He said he'd be a great assassin because he can wait forever.
Howard said he couldn't wait that long. Kevin said his self esteem wasn't that great. He said he never did coke because he hated the mirror so much.
Howard asked what changed him. Kevin said they both had some drinks and started getting into it with each other. He said there is nothing quite like it when you're friends like that so long and then you do that. He said the sex was the best. He said you know the person so well that it turns out to be great. Howard said he's never had that. He said he's never been with someone that long before banging them.
Howard said he thinks that he would take more time with dating these days. He said a one night stand isn't good. Kevin said you should at least do the walk of shame with the women. Howard said he never did that. Howard said the walk of shame coming out of his apartment is really embarrassing coming out of his apartment.
Howard asked Kevin about getting the job on Saturday Night Live. He said that has to be huge for someone. He asked if he thought that his career was going to be huge. Kevin said the dream was something beyond what he could imagine. He said he loved doing stand-up and that's all he wanted to do. Howard asked why he never sees him in a comedy special. Kevin asked if he's seen Weeds. Howard said he wants to know about the stand-up. Kevin said he had a special on Showtime that ran for a while. Howard said he'd like to see that.
Howard asked Kevin if he did stand-up for the audition for SNL. Kevin said he did. He said when he was told he was on the show he didn't know what to expect. He said he doesn't do characters and sketches so he didn't know what was going to happen. Howard asked if his parents put a lot of pressure on him. He said the pressure must have been intense. Kevin said it was but he never let it get to him. He said he just thought it was a great gig and he wanted to stay there as long as he could. Kevin said he was just telling himself to go for it.
Howard asked how long he was there. Kevin said he started in 86 and he was there a long time. Howard asked if he got jealous of the other people who got movie deals and stuff. Kevin said that it's a common thought when you wonder ''Why not me?''
Howard asked who got him to audition. Kevin said it was Dana Carvey. He said they brought him in and the whole thing happened so quickly. He said that they flew him in and a week later he got the show and showed up for work. He said he didn't even tell his friends at the time.
Howard asked Kevin what his favorite bit was. Kevin said it was one with Harvey Keitel called ''The Bathroom Attendant.'' He said it was just a small bathroom where he was the attendant and he'd be standing right over the guy. Howard said that he can't stand to be with other people in the bathroom. He tries to avoid bathrooms like that.
Kevin said he has a thing about bathroom attendants. He said it's just a way to give a guy a job. He said if you go to a resort you don't know how to tip. He said that you don't have money on you if you're out at the pool. Howard said he'll load up his pockets with $20s and he'll spend 80 bucks before you get to the pool. Howard said there's a point when you just don't have any money left on you. Kevin said he's not sure how people do it.
Howard asked Kevin about staying at SNL as long as he could. Kevin said he did that and then he went to do the sitcom ''Champs'' and he got out. He said he had to go to Lorne and tell him that he was moving on. He doesn't think they were too upset about that though.
Howard asked Kevin how they reject bits. Kevin said that they just don't put it on the board if they don't like it. Howard asked if people loved the Bathroom Attendant bit. Kevin said they did and he got a lot of input and help from people there. Howard said it seems like a really competitive thing there.
Howard said every time he sees Kristin Wiig come on he thinks that the other cast members hate her and want to be like her. He said there must be such competitiveness that it's hard to work in. Kevin said a lot of people come in from the Groundlings and places like that and they're just happy to be there.
Howard asked how Weeds is going. Kevin said it's a great show and he wishes Howard would watch. Robin said the show is great. She said she's going to tell Howard to watch that next after Dexter. Howard said he'll get Weeds and watch it from the beginning. He said that Mary Louise is a great actress. Robin said her character is outrageous. Howard said he's watching Dexter right now. Kevin said he loves that show too. He said he's only on season 3 though. Howard said he's still on season 1.
Robin said she's not sure how Kevin is still on the show because he's not part of the family and it's a show about the family. Kevin said he doesn't write for the show but he does embellish a bit.
Kevin told Howard it's getting harder to remember his lines these days. He said that he did an episode of Franklin and Bash and he had a hard time doing this long speech he had to do. He said he has a terrible memory too.
Howard said it must be tough to fuck up a line and get everyone upset with you. Kevin said sometimes they'll take the attention from you and blame it on the lighting instead. Howard said Mary Louise must be so good she doesn't forget any lines. Kevin said she's really good. Howard asked if she's naked a lot. Robin said it happens once in a while.
Howard asked Kevin if they told him and Jan Hooks not to let their relationship interfere with the show. Kevin said he thinks they were aware of the situation. Kevin said there were some other relationships on the show but it wasn't that big of a deal. Howard asked if it was hard after he broke up. Kevin said it was kind of difficult. He said you're on a live show trying to deal with this other thing. Howard said he loves this kind of stuff. He said they were great friends, they start fucking and then the love wears off.
Howard asked who broke up the relationship. Kevin said it was mutual. Howard asked if the sex wasn't what they expected. Kevin said he thinks they just grew apart.
Kevin said he knows Howard from listening to the show. He said he knows what he's going to ask and it's like he's one step ahead of him. Howard said he's really interested in all of this though. Kevin said he and Jan were better friends than lovers. He said that part of the relationship lasted 2 years. He said being on SNL was very high stress and it was hard to have a relationship. He said he stays in touch with her and talks to her about once a year. He thinks she's doing just fine. Howard asked Kevin if Jan has a husband. Kevin said she doesn't. Howard said maybe she's waiting for him.
Howard said he the women who dated him have no remorse for not being with him. Kevin asked if he really has low self esteem. Howard said he does. He said he gets that people love him but he's got a lot going on inside his head. He said that he was talking to Beth about something and said that he has a very dark hole in there. He said she responded with ''Oh, don't I know...'' Kevin asked if he ever cries. Howard said he can cry in therapy. He said he cries in his dreams and wants to cry in his life but he can't do it. He said he cries during movies once in a while. He said he does that when he sees a father and son with a good relationship. He said he can be moved almost to tears with some movies.
Howard asked Kevin about the Jack and Jill movie and going to the premiere. Howard he said he heard he went to the premiere because he was supposed to be in the movie. He said they didn't tell him that he was cut out of it. Kevin said the part was very small so it wasn't a big deal. He said he was curious to see how the scene came out but it was cut out. He said he understands that because they do cut a lot of things out of movies. Howard asked if he cried. Kevin said he didn't. Howard said it's embarrassing to go and not know you were cut out. Howard asked if it deflates your ego. Kevin said it was a small part so it really wasn't a big deal.
Howard asked Kevin if he would tell Adam Sandler if he didn't like the movie. Kevin said he would not tell him it was bad. He would tell him about the parts he likes. He said that the parts he plays in those Sandler movies are usually pretty humiliating parts.
Howard asked if he goes over to Sandler's house at all. Kevin said he does go once in a while. Howard asked if he hangs out with Spade. Kevin said he sees him at different functions. Howard said he knows a lot of guys play basketball out in L.A. so he must have to do that to hang with those guys. Kevin said when you have a kid you spend a lot of time at home. He said he can't just go out at 10 with friends.
Howard asked Kevin how involved he is with the kid. Kevin said he gets up and makes breakfast for the kid and then he goes to school. He said it's really like his career right now.
Howard said Kevin is going to be at Caroline's Friday through Sunday. Howard said he's also going to be at the Improv in Washington DC soon. He said you can follow him on Twitter @Kevin_Nealon.
Howard said he's on twitter but he's too busy for that. He also doesn't like the negativity. Howard said he got verified on there though. Kevin asked how he did that. Howard said they just do it. You can't campaign to get it done.
Howard asked Kevin about his stand-up. Kevin said he only does about 45 minutes. He said he doesn't want to do too much time on stage. Howard asked how long it takes to write an hour of material. Kevin said it takes a really long time. Kevin said he's not sure how these guys do it every year.
Howard asked who his favorite comedians are. Kevin said he likes Steven Wright and Mitch Hedberg and guys like that. Howard asked what happened to Steven Wright. Kevin said he thinks he's still doing shows around the country.
Howard asked if he's on the road a lot. Kevin said he is now so he can get material together for a special he's shooting in February.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he loves Weeds and he was on a chair about to commit suicide. He said he kicks out the chair and it turns out he's jerking off and not trying to kill himself. Kevin said they were trying to lead people to believe he was going to commit suicide but it turns out he was doing auto erotic asphyxiation. They spent a minute talking about how dangerous that is. Howard said he just wants it to be over quickly so he could never do that.
Kevin said he has a friend who only eats when he has to. That's like Howard only masturbating because he has to. Howard said he doesn't need to pour himself a glass of wine to masturbate.
Howard said he had a good time with Kevin today. Kevin said he loves being there. He said he had a good time.
Kevin asked Howard if he would ever move out of New York City. Howard said he would. He said some of the best times he's had in his life were living outside of New York. He said that he sits inside a box and doesn't do anything outside of his home anyway so he could live anywhere. Robin said the weather might matter. Howard said he'd like to live in California or Florida. He said he's jealous of Bubba the Love Sponge because he lives in the warm weather. Kevin said that you don't appreciate it until you leave. He said that spring and fall are great but winter is horrible there in New York.
Kevin said he had to quit running because he has a back problem. Howard said he has to talk to him off the air about that. Kevin said his back problems aren't so bad now. Howard told him to read the Dr. Sarno book ''Healing Back Pain: The Mind-Body Connection.'' He said that will help him out with those kinds of problems.
Howard told Kevin about his meditation too. Kevin said he spoke to Andy Kaufman about that once and he was such a fan he didn't hear a word he was saying. Howard told Kevin about his meeting with Michael Jackson and how crazy that was. Howard said that Andy Kaufman was a genius.
Howard talked about how witty Steve Martin is on Twitter. Kevin said he is too. Howard said he follows Kevin but doesn't see him Tweet that much. Kevin said that he doesn't do it a lot but he does tweet.
Howard told Kevin more about the book he suggested. He said that he should just read the fucking thing and it'll help.
Howard gave Kevin some more plugs and asked what he's doing tonight. Kevin said he's going out with friends. Howard asked who they are. Kevin said they're just a couple of friends like Cheryl Hines. Howard asked if his wife is there with him. Kevin said his wife and kid are there with him. Kevin said it's hard to travel with his family. He's used to doing it on his own. Howard said he could go on all day with this but he has to take a break. Kevin said he knows Howard doesn't get out to L.A. that much. He said he does hear about the Kimmel parties though. Howard asked if he wants to come to those parties. Kevin said he'd love to. He knows Jimmy and he hangs out with him. Howard said he had no idea he wanted to be there.
Kevin kept doing his impression of Howard saying ''Listen to me...'' so Howard started doing that back. Howard said he has things to do this morning so he has to end this. Kevin said Howard has to go home and check his twitter and check his camera. Howard said Beth told him that she senses that he's getting tired of photography. Howard said he can do a shoot with Kevin and his family. He said that he wants shots of them fucking.
Kevin said he was on the Today Show once and Matt Lauer passed by. He said they talked from little bit and he said they should go golfing. He said they should but as Matt was walking away he said ''Matt... we're never going golfing, are we?'' Matt said ''No.'' Howard said he had Matt at his house just the other day. He said he wanted to show off to Kevin showing that he has show business friends.
Howard told Kevin that he would do portraits of him and his wife if he wants. He said he knows people enjoy it. He said that he did a shoot with Christa Miller. Kevin didn't know who that was. Howard just said ''Oh...'' Howard said he can do some romantic and loving shots with his family. He said he did a session with his friend Richie. Kevin said they had a shoot with a woman just recently. He had the shot on his iPhone so he showed it to Howard. Howard said that was as good as anything he does and Kevin did it with his iPhone.
Kevin showed Howard another shot of the photographer. Howard said it was very nice. It would be nicer if you could see her face. Kevin showed one more of his wife. Howard said she's got a great body. Kevin said ''No, that's my son.'' Howard said she really is a beauty. Kevin said she's 5'7'' tall and weighs about 114 pounds. Howard said Beth is like 119 and 5'10'' tall.
Howard asked Kevin how long it took to get that chick in bed. Kevin said he'd have to check his journal. He said it was longer than a week. He said he doesn't move fast. Kevin said it may have been about a month.
Howard asked if she's the hottest woman he's ever made love to. Kevin said ''yeah.'' Howard said ''good answer.'' Howard asked how long he can last in bed with her. Kevin said 35 minutes or so. Howard asked if that's being inside of her. Kevin said he knows Howard can't last long. Howard said he lasted about a minute with Beth the other night. He said she's so hot that he can't last. He said he should be able to last longer than that at his age. Kevin said it depends on how tired he is but he thinks that he can last about 15 minutes.
Howard said Kevin's pictures are really good on his iPhone. Kevin asked if he uses film. Howard said he does digital. He said the people who still use film are just assholes. He said he met one of those guys and he really was an asshole.
Kevin said he was going through some old stuff and found a Beatles record that Paul McCartney had signed. He said he had it done when he was at SNL. Howard said he's lucky he signed it. Howard told the story about trying to get Paul to sign something for his daughter. He said Paul blew him off and didn't sign. Howard said he had some new edict about signing autographs and he didn't do it. Howard said the guy could have done it. He said he's not mad at him but he embarrassed him in front of his kid.
Kevin said he went to a concert once and Paul was there and some guy came along with a Sgt. Peppers album and asked Paul to sign it. He said he felt awkward for the guy because Paul said he was in the middle of a conversation and didn't sign it. Howard said he had a guy ask to take a picture out on the street the other day and he said no but then felt really bad about it. He said it was raining and he didn't want to do it.
Howard asked Kevin if he's an intellectual. Kevin said no. Howard asked if he watches X-Factor. Kevin said he loves that show. He said he used to like American Idol. Kevin said he doesn't watch a lot of TV. He said he does like to watch hot chick trials like the Casey Anthony trial. He said as long as there's a guy on the jury they're not going to jail. Howard said if Rod Blagojevich was a hot chick he wouldn't have gone to jail.
Howard said he really has to get out of there. He gave him some more plugs and went to break a short time later.
Howard took a call from one of those guys. He said he loved the Eric the Midget stuff. His Phone connection was horrible. He had to let him go. Jon ran down a few more things they had to talk about today like Eric believing there were werewolves in Albuquerque. Howard said they do claim there was an attack in 1970.
Howard noticed that Benjy fucked up his beard. Robin saw it and started laughing. Howard told him to shave it off. Benjy said he was desperate this morning and he was washing it. Howard said it's jet black but parts of it are still red. Benjy said she did it to him when he was falling asleep. Benjy said he was horrified when he woke up this morning.
Howard said he's got a lot of work going on there. Robin kept looking and laughing hysterically at him. Gary said it appears he has nail polish on or something. Benjy said he did that for fun. Howard said that must be his goth look. Robin said his girlfriend must be trying to turn him into Robert Patinson. Gary said Sal noticed that he had eye liner on too. Benjy said he thought he washed most of it off. Howard said this girl doesn't like the way Benjy looks. Benjy said she loves the way he looks.
Howard said George Clooney's girlfriends don't try to groom him into something he's not. Robin said it backfires. Howard said he heard that she wants him to get a tattoo. Benjy said that's not his thing so he won't do that. Howard said Jason is taking pictures of Benjy now and you can see them on Twitter @SternShow.
Jason said that Benjy won't look up at him for the picture. Benjy said he is embarrassed by it. Howard said he should look up at the light. Howard told Jason to just take a picture of the beard.
Jon ran down a couple more things for the Wrap Up Show. Howard took a call from Mark in Boston. Mark said that Kevin was a great gust. He said he'd be great on Celebrity Superfan Roundtable too. Gary said he was putting his name on the list. Mark also suggested that they put Eric the Midget on Weeds. Howard said he could play a meth dealer or something.
Mark said he thinks that Howard could tweet out his judging for America's Got Talent from his couch. He said that's the deal he should have. Howard said those rumors kind of went away. He said he must not be the new judge on the show.
Howard took a call from a guy said that Kevin was great on the show. He asked Benjy if he's told his girlfriend about his herpes. Howard told the guy not to start in with that. Howard said Benjy does not have herpes. He said they'll end up with a whole denial if they get started with that again. Howard said Benjy does not have herpes.
Robin started her news with a story about a female police officer who was on the job having sex with another female officer. They've both been suspended. Robin said that another officer witnessed the sexual activity which took place in a public area.
Robin read about some new songs that are coming out featuring Clarence Clemons. Robin had Howard play some of the song. Howard said he didn't like it. He said that it's okay to say that now that Clarence is gone. He said he wouldn't want to offend the guy.
Robin read about Dobie Grey passing away. Robin said they say it was complications from cancer surgery. Robin had Howard play some of his song ''Drift Away.''
Robin said Harry Morgan passed away too. Robin said he was 96 years old. Howard said he liked that guy. He was on just about every TV show. Howard said there was someone else who died too. He said he thought he marked it off in the paper.
Howard said he thought that John Gambling Jr. was 20 years older than him but he's only one year different. Howard said that he looks like he's a million years old. Robin said people don't age all that well. Howard said he really looks like an old guy. Robin said ''Oh my god'' when she saw the picture. Howard said at least he looks youthful.
Robin said she teases Howard about traveling but there's a story about someone who translated a story about Thailand while living in Colorado who got 2 years in prison for defaming the royal family. Robin said the guy went to Thailand for medical treatment and he was arrested while he was there. Robin said he's a 55 year old who was born in Thailand but was an American citizen. Howard read a live commercial after that.
Robin read a story about a Rutgers student who killed himself a while back. It turns out the mother needed time to think about talking to her son about his sexuality and she put it off too long. He ended up killing himself before the mother could bring herself to talk to the kid.
Howard took a call from Mutt who gave a rundown of what they have coming up on Superfan Roundtable tonight. Mutt said they have King of All Blacks coming in and they'll talk about Eric the Midget and the Benjy vortex among other things. He said one of the interns saw him texting during the Chuck Zito interview so they'll talk about that. Benjy asked who could have seen him. Howard said he didn't want to get into it and he should call into Mutt's show tonight.
Robin got back to her news and read about the Rod Blagojevich sentencing. She had some audio for Howard to play.
Robin read about Alec Baldwin's apology to the people on the flight he was kicked off of. Howard said he really does need to get therapy. Howard said his reaction is so wildly over the top. He said she told him to turn off his phone to stop playing a game. Howard said that's like a 3 year old to say that everyone else is doing it too. Howard and Robin spent a minute talking about that.
Robin read a story about Jerry Sandusky getting arrested. Robin said he was arrested on new child sex charges which brings it up to 10 now. Robin said they say that he hasn't been able to raise the $250,000 in bail to get out. Robin said they say he has assets worth more than $9 million. Howard sounded shocked by that number. Howard went to break after that.
After the break, around 9:55am, we heard Asian Pete singing a Christmas song. Fred also played Stevie Wonder's ''higher Ground'' as they were coming back. Robin got back to her news after that. Robin had a story about Bernie Fine and how the statute of limitations has passed on that case so they can't press any charges. He has been removed from his job though.
Robin read about the Rock and Roll hall of fame induction ceremony and said the question is if the original Guns N Roses members will perform. Robin said Axl Rose said he's not sure. Howard said he thinks that Axl needs the money and his tour isn't going so well. He might need to get back together with those guys.
Howard took a call from a guy from New Mexico who said he is a werewolf and he can't wait for Eric to get there. He said that if there isn't a full moon he'll make one. Howard asked for any other werewolves in that area to call in and let them know if there's an Arby's in the area.
Robin read some more about the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. She also read about how Ryan Seacrest could be the next Matt Lauer. Howard said there has to be other people in show business other than Ryan. He said the guy is such a bore. Howard said he's not fit to shine Matt Lauer's shoes.
Robin read about this serial killer in the New York area and how they're still looking for that guy and a woman whose clothing they found. Howard did another live commercial after that.
Robin had some audio of Bill Clinton talking about Mitt Romney and some of the other possibly republican nominees.
Robin read about Las Vegas cracking down on human trafficking operations in the city.
Robin had some audio of Jane Fonda talking to Jimmy Kimmel about some of the wild things she did when she was younger. Howard said he thinks she was up there the other day. He said he thinks she saw her through the glass window there. Howard said he didn't bother her though. He just wanted to get the fuck out of there. Howard did another live commercial after that.
Howard said David Arquette sent him a note about the story about his daughter's finger painting. He said the story is not true that they're looking for an art gallery for Coco. Howard said that Cougar Town is also not canceled. Howard said that David said that it's a summer replacement or a winter replacement or something like that.
Robin read about the X-Factor and who's left. Robin and Howard spent a couple of minutes going over that. Howard said he thinks that the greasy, pimply faced guy might win.
Robin said today is the 31st anniversary of John Lennon's death.
Howard took a call from a guy in New Mexico who said that he's a werewolf too and Eric had better look out when he's there. They wrapped up and ended the show around 10:15am.
Jon said he wanted to talk about JD letting Gary wake Howard up in his office in the back yesterday. Jon said that Howard was kind of upset about JD not having his back and letting Gary do what he did. Jon said Howard was really disappointed. JD said he knows and he feels terrible about it. He said he pissed Howard off and he disappointed Gary too.
Jon said Gary seemed genuinely hurt. Gary said he'll take a jab at JD on the Wrap Up Show but he's never played a joke on him off the air. He said he leaves JD alone in there. He said he was surprised that he had to be the victim of one of his pranks. JD said it wasn't really a prank. He said there was no pre-meditation. He said it just sort of happened and he let it happen. He said he thought it would be funny the next morning. Gary asked what he thought would happen. JD said he thought it would be like the phlegm thing and he didn't think he'd get that pissed off. He knew he'd break his balls but not like that. He said that as soon as Howard walked out and said ''JD. Come on.'' He knew he was in trouble. He said when he walked in this morning he called him a prick and an asshole. JD said it all went to hell.
Jon asked if it was Howard or Gary's disappointment that was worse. JD said it was both. He said he tries not to rock the boat and he really rocked it by not doing anything.
Benjy said it wasn't that big of a deal but he'd like to know if he's hurt that they're disappointed or that he did the wrong thing. JD said it was both. He said he has taken responsibility in himself having that office next to Howard. He said Howard has to ''get his work done'' back there and 99 percent of the time he's good at telling people to be quiet. Jon asked if that's really his job. Gary said everyone is responsible for themselves.
Gary said they have video of this happening. He said he was doing pick up shots for this tour of the studio thing they're doing for Howard TV. He said no one told him that Howard was still there. He didn't think he was there. Gary said Howard usually leaves while they're doing the Wrap Up Show. He said he went to his office and called Howard telling him he was sorry. He said he didn't mean to wake him up. He said Howard called last night and told him not to worry about it or to even give it a second thought. He said he really should have. JD said he's the one to blame.
Gary said that he has to bring up Ronnie who skated away with this. He said Ronnie claims he warned them but he didn't. Jon asked if Ronnie should have said something. Gary said he doesn't remember seeing Ronnie. He said that he claims he told them he warned them but he didn't warn them at all.
Jon said that maybe they should have a global warning for that area. Jon said that Howard has had to shut other people up back there.
Gary said that it's not that expensive to sound proof a room and he would have done that if he knew Howard was going to use that room to sleep in. JD said he was told it was pretty sound proof. He said sometimes when his door is open it gets through Howard's door.
JD said he's not going to fuck around anymore. He said he'll stay focused and not do that anymore. Gary said he was talking directly to JD back there and he just kept talking instead of telling him that Howard was there. JD said that it was just happening and he didn't know what to do. He said he thought it might be funny to have Howard get upset but he was torn on the whole thing. JD said he should have quieted them down.
Gary said he was moderately disappointed in JD. He said he could have stopped him but he didn't. He said it just happened and he let it happen. He said he's not so upset that he can't look him in the eye. Gary said he was going to have all of the guys up to his house to watch football and stuff. He said he asked JD if he wanted to come and JD said he would if he still wanted him to. JD said he just brought it up a couple minutes after that back stabbing happened. Gary said JD told him it would be hard to look him in the eye for a while.
Gary said he and Stuttering John went through something like this. He said that they had played some jokes on each other and they had to stop. He said he doesn't want to get into that with JD. JD said he's not like that and he wouldn't feel he had to get him back if he did something to him.
Jon asked JD if he has to get Howard's trust back now. JD said he does. Jon said that Howard said he's not his bro anymore and that's pretty serious. They had to go to break a short time later.
Gary said he feels really bad for Eric that he's still beholden to his father. He said Eric said his father was kind of a mileage Nazi with the van. Gary said he doesn't understand that. Gary said Jason pointed out that they've had to deal with Eric for 36 years so that might be the reason.
Jon said that Eric was rolling with the deal but then there was that werewolf reference. Gary said he thought that was Johnny being a jokester in the letter. He said that no one was more shocked to hear it when Eric said he believed that there could be werewolves in New Mexico.
Jon wondered if Eric can get past that concern. He said he might be looking over his shoulder. Gary said that the last sighting was in 1970. Benjy said it was some people driving down the road and it was a verified attack. Gary said you can't verify a werewolf attack.
Jon said they were looking for the thing that would blow the whole deal up. The werewolf thing could have been it. JD said he was surprised at how well Eric handled the whole thing this morning.
Gary said Howard was doing so much with this deal. He said Howard was single handedly making it happen. Benjy said he thinks that the deal could still fall apart if the 3 grand deal isn't met. Gary said he thinks that they'll pay him a day rate and also for his transportation. Benjy said that doctor's appointment was also an issue. Jon said he might be able to move that around. Benjy said Eric seems like he has very serious medical issues so maybe he has to go at a certain time.
Gary said that they were wondering if this would fuck things up for John Strauss with other actors. Gary said that this is a special circumstance though. Eric gets John on the Howard Stern show.
Gary said that Eric still going to cause problems. He said that he knows he will let Shuli interview him but he will have some excuses for other things. He said that he'll try to stop them from filming him at certain times and things like that.
Jon said that Eric was worried about the recurring role on the show and maybe he's afraid that they're going to kill him off.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he loved Eric on the show today. Gary said that he had a friend who said that she wasn't able to get out of her car because it was so riveting. The caller said that Johnny seems to be hurting his career and not helping it. He said that his list of demands was too much and he was on the phone snoring the other day.
Jon asked if Howard has a soft spot for Eric. Gary said he does and it's compassion for the guy. Gary said when you meet him in person he's very fragile and he leads a very difficult life. He said that doesn't give you the right to act like an ass though. JD said Eric has insulted Howard by calling him ''big nose'' and things like that. He said Howard puts up with it.
Gary said they're taking a guy who would be sitting around doing nothing all day and getting him out into the real world. He said he thinks this is good for Eric.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Johnny Fratto's shit is ruining it for Eric. He said it's too much Johnny. He said Eric doesn't need that. He said the guy is ruining Eric for him. Gary said Eric never said it was Johnny when he called in with Johnny the other day. He said he thinks that Eric was all for it and more of those demands came from him than you'd think.
The caller said he thinks that the Fratto thing with the werewolf is just too much. He said that Eric is funny enough on his own. Gary said he thinks that Eric wanted a lot of that stuff on his list.
Shuli came in and said that Eric might be blaming stuff on Johnny that he's not doing. Shuli said that Johnny gets contacted by Eric a lot and it's all day long. He said Johnny has 4 kids he has to deal with at home and he can't do it on his own time. Eric will hang up on him if he calls him at 9 in the morning when he's sleeping.
Shuli said he thinks that Eric might have been worried about snakes and things like that but Johnny may have planted that werewolf seed in his head. They had to take another break a short time later.
Jon moved on to talk about Benjy and Elisa. He asked Benjy if he would ever get a tattoo if Elisa wanted him to. Benjy said he never would do that for anyone. He said that there are a lot of things he wouldn't do that aren't him. The guys laughed when they heard that. Will said that he looks like a retarded Dave Navarro today. Gary said he looks like a musician.
Jon said it was weird how Sal noticed the eye liner on him. Gary said that was really weird. Benjy said he didn't like the way the beard came out. He said it comes out okay other times.
Jon asked Will about teasing JD and if he thinks that Howard was genuinely upset with JD today. Will said it was disrespectful and JD stepped on him after he took him under his wing. JD said he's not sure he stepped on him. Will told him to treat Howard like a gym and leave him alone. He said he'd like him to treat Howard the way he treats his Value Meal. He said he should cherish Howard.
Will said he knows better than that. He shouldn't be doing that kind of thing. JD said he didn't know Gary was coming back until he came back there.
Jon asked Will if he thinks JD was pulling a joke on Gary or Howard. Will said it was a joke on everyone. He said Gary deserves just as much respect as Howard. He said JD set the trap just as much for Gary as he did for Howard. JD said it backfired on him and what is he going to do. Will said he didn't know what else to say. JD said he's done talking to Will from now on. JD walked out of the studio but the guys told him to come back. They had to end the show anyway so they all got in their plugs and ended the show.
Today's Best of the Week was over around 11:20am.