|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard started the show talking about how L.A. was his kind of town. He said that the time difference really wears him out though. He said he was eating dinner around 8 out there and it was like eating at 11 here. He said that was making him crazy.
Howard heard that Robin was out really late over the weekend. He heard from Ross that she was out with Ross's wife until like 5 in the morning. Howard asked how late it really was. Robin said she was up at 5 but she was home by 3:30 or so. Howard said he can't figure Robin out. He wants to know what she does until those hours. Robin said she went out and hung out. Robin said they went to some club but she didn't remember the name. It may have been RDP or RTP or something like that.
Robin said they went out and hung out just to see what happened. She said they did some people watching. Robin said the club wasn't good for that so they went to this place called Postice. She said they just hung out and talked.
Howard said there's only so much to talk about though. Robin said they danced too. Howard said he asked Ross what the fuck Robin was doing. Robin said she goes out like twice a year and it becomes ''what the F is Robin doing?''
Howard said he saw that Robin went out and ran 3.8 miles and then did some Bikram Yoga. He said she's out of control. Howard said he saw that she posted that she had gotten the poison out of her system too. Robin said she doesn't do that very often either.
Howard said he told Beth there seemed to be a lot of excitement about him because he's never really out there. He said Jimmy told him that he's just not there enough. They were making a big deal out of him because he's never there.
Howard said even the guy Harvey Levin on TMZ was talking about how it seemed like he was the king of L.A. Howard asked JD if he had that clip to play. JD told him where it was so Howard played the clip. In the first clip Harvey Levin was on a news report telling the reporters about how crazy things got with Howard out in L.A. when he went out to dinner.
Howard said they got the story wrong there. He said he didn't go out to a steak house. He went out to meet Jimmy Kimmel and his wife and JJ Abrams. Howard said the driver was trying to get through the Paparazzi to get away from them but he told the guy to calm down and not worry about it. There was no reason to run from them.
Howard said he got out of his car and things got really confusing with the flashes going off and so many people there. He said there were also professional autograph seekers out there too. They just keep trying to get you to sign stuff. He said he was signing some stuff but he had to keep moving.
Howard said he actually lost Beth for a minute. He said he felt people grabbing him and pulling and pushing him. He said he started to get aggravated.
Howard said he didn't want to fall down or anything so he had to keep moving but he wasn't sure where he was. He didn't see a thing in front of him. Howard said he had Mike out there with him and Mike helped them get into the restaurant. He had to stop signing stuff to get in there. He said that the people asking aren't even fans. He said that some people are but there are these professionals who are out there. He said it's kind of dangerous.
Howard said they pulled up in front of his steak house and Donald Trump had just gone in there. It turns out that wasn't where they were going. He said that the place they were going was 2 floors up in the same building. He said he got inside and it was wacky. He said they got confused and went to the steak house but they had to go outside again. Howard said he could have gone up the stairs if they had just told him. He said the whole thing was crazy.
Howard said he's not sure how these people knew where he was. He said he was registered under a fake name but someone must have tipped them off. Howard said it was crazy. He said that was on Thursday night. The rest of the weekend was crazy too.
Howard said they have a clip from Howard TV of him entering the restaurant. Howard played the clip and you could hear people asking for autographs and throwing other questions out there for him. There were people with a ton of stuff for him to sign.
Howard said there are people who claim that they've seen ''Private Parts'' like 15 times but you know they're just lying and trying to get you to sign stuff. Howard said there were people asking if he's going to be a judge on American Idol and asking if he had spoken to Baba Booey lately. He said he didn't know what was going on there. He said he was complimented that anyone even gave a shit that he was there though.
Howard said he got upstairs to meet Jimmy and JJ and their wives. He said JJ's wife was really hot too. He said he's not sure they let anyone who isn't hot in that town.
Howard said he had to tell Robin about the party that Jimmy threw for him. He said Jimmy has a room to jam in at his house and it's kind of like a guest house. He said no one ever plays there but they did that night. Howard said he was standing next to Ashton Kutcher and David Arquette. He said they have a new band. He said that Ashton was going to be coming in this morning too. He said they're going to form a new Super Group.
Howard said he looked horrible in every picture out there. He said Jimmy said to him that even George Clooney would look bad next to those guys. Howard said he just thinks he looked ridiculous. Howard said Beth told him he looked fine playing with them. Howard said he needed Fred out there to play in the band. He said he has to get to that story later.
Howard said that the weather out in L.A. was really great. He said they're fucking around there in the cold. Howard said his kids are here so he can't move yet. He said he might head out when Ashley is in college. Robin said that's why she's on a plane during the winter all the time.
Howard said Beth ran out to do Kimmel's show and Ryan Phillippe was on the show with her. He said that he had his hot girlfriend with him out there. Howard said Beth went out and did the show while he stayed at the hotel. He said that he wanted to get some sleep so he beat off while she was out. He said he didn't tell her about that even though he has told her about how he beats off once in a while.
Howard said he didn't want it to be an issue with her so he didn't tell her about it. He wanted to have sex with her that night and didn't want her thinking that he didn't need it from her. Howard said he ate a bunch of bananas and beat off and he wasn't able to sleep.
Howard said he blew through the tissues with his load because it was so big. He laughed and said that his life is a nightmare a short time into that story.
Howard said he wasn't able to sleep so he figured he'd go over to Jimmy's show to see what that's like over there. He said he knew they had a bar over there so he wanted to go over and check things out. Howard said everyone out there is very good looking too. He said he's like a 1 out there. At home he's like a 4.
Howard said he went to Jimmy's show and they have a bar there. He said they have offices and by the dressing rooms there's a party going on there. There must have been 200 people there partying with a full bar service. He said that you must need to be a VIP or something to get back there. Howard said they had drinks like a club and no one had anything to do with the show. He said it was wild back there. Howard said they offered him a drink and it was an open bar. Howard said he's not sure if it was open for everyone or just him. Howard said it was some vibe back there. It was like a whole other show going on back there.
Howard said that was too crazy for him so he had to get out of there. He went to Beth's dressing room and she was getting ready to do that. Howard said she went out and taped and did the show. Howard said he thinks she should have had more time on the air. They had good rapport.
Howard had some audio of Beth doing the show but he wasn't sure how much Robin would want to hear. Robin said she was up for it. Howard played some of the interview for her. Howard interrupted and said that Jimmy got all nervous knowing he was there in the green room. He played more of the interview and Jimmy was talking about that. Jimmy was saying he grew up listening to Howard but Robin said he's an older guy so how did he ''grow up'' listening to him? Howard said they'll have to ask him about that tomorrow when he comes in.
Howard said he saw a bunch of people at the party at Jimmy's and people like Amy Poehler were telling him that he's her hero. Howard said it was very strange.
Howard played more of the Jimmy Kimmel show clip where Beth was being interviewed. She was talking about the Wack Packers and how great they are showing up to her appearances. Melrose Larry Green was in the audience. Howard said that Melrose looks as wacky as ever in that show clip.
Howard had Melrose on the phone so he got him on and said that they kept flashing to him. Howard told Melrose he looks as odd as ever. Melrose thanked him for that. He also thanked Jimmy for putting him on the show. He said they stuck the mic in his face but he didn't say a word. He knew Howard would go nuts if he did that. Melrose thanked him and Jimmy for that so Howard let him go. Howard said Melrose will live off of that for the next 10 years.
Bobo called in and said that Beth had a great line during that interview. He almost spoiled it but Howard wanted to play the clip. He cut Bobo off and hung up on him.
Howard played more of Beth's interview and she was thanking the Wack Packers for making her book number 1. Jimmy told Beth he's pretty sure it's not them. Beth was also talking to Jimmy about the tooth brush she has for the dogs and things like that.
Howard said he thinks that Beth is in love with Jimmy because they email constantly. He played more of the audio and Beth was asking Jimmy if he wanted to talk about Howard. Jimmy wanted to talk about the book. They did that for a couple more minutes.
Howard said he should fast forward a little bit. They were going on about the dogs quite a bit. Howard let it play out a little longer though. That led to Jimmy playing a clip of a woman talking about how her dog bites her vagina. Beth jokingly said that happened with Howard too and she just didn't shower for a week to get him to stop.
Jimmy talked about how Howard flew out there and that's a big deal because he hates to fly. Beth talked about how she made that trip happen. She told the story about how she got him to fly out there. There was a weird sound during that clip so JD said that it was a weather warning that came on during the show that night.
Howard played more of the clip and Beth told the story about how she brought up the trip to L.A. to Howard and how he told her a story about this couple who had just had a baby and how they had ruined their lives doing that. Howard thought she was going to ask about having a baby and that's why he brought it up that night. Beth knew she could ask for anything she wanted based on that. Beth just asked him to go to Los Angeles with her and he said ''absolutely!''
Beth also told a story about Howard talking to their newly adopted cat, Apple, while he was in his office playing chess one time. Beth said Howard was telling the cat that she'd probably love to show the people who gave her up where she's living now. Then she said that he told the cat that she'd probably love to go tell those people to go fuck themselves.
Howard said that they have a nice set up over there at Jimmy's show. He said they have a whole band area set up. He said Beth came back and he told her how great she did. He said they went up to Jimmy's offices to go out to dinner with him.
Howard said there was a lot of commotion going on there. He said one woman was on the phone yelling and making sure he heard her. He said he knew she was doing that because later on someone brought over some books for him to sign for the woman.
Howard said he was out by the pool under and umbrella and he was kind of chilly even though it was like 80 degrees out. Howard said he went out to eat one day and Bob Iger came in with his kid. He said David Spade was there and he was talking to him too. He said people just go there to eat lunch by the pool. He said that Spade was out there with a chick. He said he didn't spend a lot of time talking to him out there. Howard said that David is going to come back on the show eventually. He's been preparing for that since the last time he was on.
Howard said he has to tell more stories about the party out there but Ashton Kutcher was there. Howard said that's his band mate from out there. Howard said he was like Mr. L.A. out there. He said he's not kidding Robin about that either. Howard said he's going to take a break and then bring in Ashton so they can talk to him about what was going on out there. Howard said Ashton had a nice messenger bag he was carrying around out there. He said he checked it out and there were like 50 scripts in there. He said the guy is good looking and he has scripts. Howard said that guy could be getting a ton of pussy if he wasn't married. Howard said it's probably good that he got married because he'd be overdosing on pussy.
Howard said that bag is like Green Lantern's ring. Robin said she's pretty sure that it's his face that gives Ashton all of his ''powers.'' Howard said he could never live in L.A. because he doesn't look good enough. Robin said that he could live there but he'd be having constant plastic surgery. Gary told Howard they have to break because Ashton doesn't have a lot of time there. Howard went to break after that.
Howard said that he didn't think Ashton was going to make it in there after the band rehearsal they had over the weekend. Ashton said that Howard was actually good at playing.
Howard said Ashton isn't feeling well and he's losing his voice. He said that they partied pretty heavily that night but Ashton and his wife, Demi Moore, went out to play pool at some place. Howard said he thinks that he just needs sleep. Ashton said they slept for like 5 hours. Howard said he needs more than that.
Howard talked about the man purse that Ashton has and how it's like a pussy magnet. Ashton said that there were only two scripts in there and they were the same script. He said that one was just a rewrite of the script.
Howard said he looks like a monster standing next to Ashton and John Stamos and those guys. Howard said he told Beth he looks like a monster and it's horrible. Ashton said Howard had a whole look going on out there. He said his hair is one thing and then he had the guitar going on and he was playing the guitar with his chin with the tiny strap they had on that thing.
Howard said they should go over the guest list for that party. He said that Ashton must go out to parties like that all the time. Ashton said the good thing about that party is that there were no assholes there. He said that he was probably the biggest asshole there.
Howard said he felt like he was part of Hollywood because of that party. Jimmy set it all up for him. He said that it was a great party too.
Howard said they had this band set up out at Jimmy's place and they had a bunch of guys playing together. Howard said it was him, John Stamos and Mark McGrath from Sugar Ray playing. Then John was getting upset with the band. He said David Arquette was playing trumpet and there were some people from Kimmel's band. Stamos was upset that he was the best musician there according to Ashton. Stamos got pissed and didn't want to play because they couldn't decide on a song. Howard said that's the only song he knows. He said he was playing that song and Stamos got mad that everyone was such a bad musician. He was even upset with Mark McGrath.
Howard said that Johnny Knoxville was at the party with his wife. Ashton said that guy is looking really old from beating himself up so much. He said that he's a mess but he's so polite all the time. Howard said he's still putting the catheter up his penis twice a day. He said Johnny pulled out a jar of moonshine for them to try. Howard said that he didn't even know what he meant. He said that Johnny's cousin's make this stuff and he took a smell. He said Demi told him he was a pussy and he should drink that crap. Howard said he had never felt such peer pressure before. Howard said Courteney Cox was drinking the stuff so she told him to man up too. Howard said he's such a woman that he didn't ant to drink it. He said that's probably why Johnny looks 80 years old.
Howard said that Ashton was good on piano up there playing in the band. Demi was a good singer too. Ashton said she can do whatever she wants to do.
Howard asked Ashton about what he's into now with trying to get rid of human trafficking. Ashton said he saw a report on one of these TV shows and he started doing research into it and he found out some information about it and it was shocking. He said it's like a $32 billion industry. He said that it was kind of heavy for a morning show discussion.
Howard asked Ashton about going out to the party. Ashton said they don't do that kind of stuff a lot. Howard said that they had a lot of people there. He said that Jeff Probst flew in for it and then flew back out to do the Survivor finale show. Howard said he had a good time busting Jeff's balls there. He said he'll talk about that later on.
Howard gave Ashton some more plugs for his movie ''Killers'' and talked to him about working with Katherine Heigle. He asked if she's a pain in the ass to work with like people say. Ashton said she was fine with him. He said she may have had an issue during the shooting of one movie and it just didn't go away.
Howard asked Ashton about a picture he saw of him making out with Natalie Portman. Ashton said that's for a movie and it's like free cheating. He said Demi is cool with it and they're still having a great sex life. Howard asked how he instigates sex and how they keep it fresh. Ashton said that it's sexting which is sending sexy texts. Robin asked if they send pictures. Ashton said that they will send pictures but not necessarily the penis. Ashton said he'll just text her and tell her that he's going to ''ruin her'' when he gets home. Things like that.
Howard asked Ashton how old he was when he got married. Ashton said he was 25 which is pretty old for a guy from Iowa. Howard asked how old he was when he started modeling. Ashton said he was 19. Howard asked if that's a tough job. Ashton said it is kind of tough.
Howard said when a man models they don't really do a lot. Ashton said you don't feel that good about doing it. He said that it's like getting a jigsaw puzzle that's already done. He said you don't get much out of it.
Howard said that women don't seem to be turned on to male models. Ashton said that's true. He said getting the job on TV helped.
Howard read about how Ashton had gotten into some trouble when he broke into his school and got caught. Howard said he did something kind of like that. Ashton said that they were stealing pencils and stuff out of the vending machines.
Howard asked Ashton if he's still into the kabbalah thing. Ashton said they're both into it still. He said he still studies it. Howard asked what it is to do a kabbalah wedding ceremony. Ashton told him a little bit about it but he told Howard he's not Jewish. Howard said he doesn't understand that. Ashton said he thinks that organized religion is kind of dumb. He said he believes there is a god and things like that. He said he doesn't like to follow the rules that the church has.
Howard asked Ashton about Natalie Portman. Ashton said she's kind of short so they look like they're different species when they stand next to each other. Ashton said that he had to kiss her in the scene they did and he had to lift her up. Howard asked if he got turned on. Ashton said he did. He said that he and Katherine Heigle had a kissing scene and he had to kiss her boobs or something. Howard said that's why relationships don't last out there in Hollywood.
Robin said that Ashton and Demi seem to be doing just fine. Howard said they did look pretty tight. Ashton said Demi is his best friend.
Howard said they might have to start a band. He said he would book it on a talk show. Howard said that would be funny. They could do ''Louie Louie'' together.
,Howard asked Ashton about doing sex scenes and if he gets a boner with someone like Natalie Portman. Ashton said that when he shot that movie ''Spread'' he was doing sex scenes all day long for like 7 days in a row and he got sick of it. Howard asked if he can tell Demi when he does get turned on. Ashton said he can do that because she really is like his best friend.
Howard asked Ashton about his brother not being at his wedding. Ashton said his brother is married to someone who sold a bunch of stories to the tabloids and he didn't want her being there. Ashton said his brother wasn't too happy about that but he had to leave her out of it. Ashton told him that she was a psycho and now they're divorced. Howard asked what his brother does for a living. Ashton said his brother sells 401K's. He said he's a good looking guy but he doesn't think he's as good looking as him. He said his bother is a great guy though.
Howard said Ashton is a young guy and he's having an incredible life. Ashton said it is pretty good. Howard asked if he gets carried away with himself or is he grounded. Ashton said that studying the kabbalah helps keep him grounded. He said Demi keeps him in his place too. He said he does the same for her.
Ashton said that he was on the verge of getting out of control with women when he met Demi. He said he wasn't being nice and he was abusing it and then he met Demi. He said he shut the spigot off and things could have really gone bad. He said he could have O.D.'d on it. He said that it was getting close to getting into something really bad.
Ashton said he would be honest with the women about not wanting a relationship and they seemed to be okay with it but he knew that they wanted to change that. He said that he was kind of abusive with that. He said then he met Demi and she saved his ass. He said he met her through a mutual friend. He said she thought he was a douche bag when they met. Ashton said he was taking a shower when she came over. Ashton said he came out without his shirt on. She was making a call to her youngest daughter at the time. He said he heard her talking to her daughter and he wanted to be with a person like that based on the way she was talking to her. He said that was it for him.
Howard asked Ashton if he knew it was a move to come out without the shirt on. Ashton said it was a move. Howard asked Ashton if he has a small penis. Ashton said he wouldn't say that but he's not in demand or anything.
Howard asked Ashton about Demi and if she didn't want to take him seriously romantically. Ashton said she didn't. He said that he's not even sure how he proved to her that he was into her. He just hung in there. Howard asked how long it took to get into her pants. Ashton said it took a while. Howard asked if it was weeks or months. He wasn't saying exactly how long it was but it wasn't more than a month.
Howard figured it was the second night but Ashton made it sound like it wasn't that quick. He said they did make out on the second date. Ashton said she had to fly out the second day and she got stuck there because of the weather. He said they hung out for the second night and then she flew out for a week.
Howard said Demi was very supportive of him in the band they were in. Robin asked about Bruce Willis being at their wedding. Howard said that he doesn't understand how Bruce Willis was at the wedding. Ashton said that Bruce is a great guy and he'd hang out with him any day. He said he's pretty sure Bruce would like the show. Gary said he thinks that he has a problem with him. Howard didn't get into that but Gary said that Stuttering John did an interview with him one time and he was kind of upset for some reason.
Howard asked Ashton about a pre-nup with Demi. Ashton said they don't have one. They have a joint account and they have their own separate accounts. He said they have their own properties and they have purchased stuff together too.
Howard gave Ashton some more plugs for this movie he's in and he talked to him about his Twitter followers. He said that Ashton has like 4 million followers on there now. Ashton said he has like 4 and a half million. He said he's also thinking that this Foursquare thing is taking off. Howard said Ashton made Tweeting a huge thing and asked if they have offered him any money or thanked him for making them huge. Ashton said it bothered him for a while but now he doesn't care so much.
Gary came in and told Howard that Ashton has to get going. He's on his way to do Regis and Kelly. Howard told Ashton he should squat out a big dump on the show like Beth's dog did on there last week. He wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and had Lisa G come in with her news preview. Lisa had a new dress on so she was showing that off and had to point it out to Howard. Howard said she was looking like a woman now. He said that Ellen Degeneres should do that once in a while too. Howard said that she wears noting but men's clothing. Robin said she wouldn't be surprised if she put something in her pants to make it look like she's got something in there. Howard said the only thing keeping her semi-feminine is her being on TV. He said that she'd probably be wearing suspenders and stuff if she wasn't on TV. Howard said she'd probably have socks in her pants to look like she's got a cock. He said he'd bet money that she uses a strap-on with Portia. He bets that it would be like 90 percent of the time too.
Robin said she saw a dildo in a store the other day that had a fist on the end. Howard said he invented that. He said that fist is actually his fist. He said he modeled for that thing.
Howard said that Ashton Kutcher is a good looking guy. Lisa said he was very good looking. She asked Howard if he would marry a 40 year old when he was 25. Howard said he didn't think he would have but when he saw them together he looked so happy. Howard said that he's not sure he could give up the partying at 25. Robin said he must have realized that wasn't the life he wanted to pursue. Howard said she's also Demi Moore and she's one of the most beautiful women out there. Howard said she still looks great.
Howard said they went out to this party on Saturday night and he wasn't even sure who was going to be there. Howard said Jimmy just invited a ton of celebrities. Howard said that he's out of it himself and it was really strange to be there. He said that the Paparazzi were following him around and it was really wild. Howard said he went out on Friday night with Jimmy and Molly to some restaurant. Robin said it's no wonder Adam was upset with him. Howard said they invited Adam out but he wasn't able to make it.
Howard said Beth was out doing shows on Friday and they only spent like 2 hours shopping. Howard said that he told Beth to get dressed up like Julia Roberts to go out shopping on Rodeo Drive. Howard said they hit a store and then it was like a tourist trap so they weren't able to move. Howard said there was a tour bus going by and they pointed him out on the street. Howard said Beth just wanted to get out of there after that. He said that he told her it didn't bother him so they should keep shopping.
Howard said that someone had parked a Bugatti out on the street out there. He said that it's like a million dollar car and he's not sure why anyone would want something like that. He said that people like Jay Leno do that kind of nonsense. He said he heard a story about Jay driving a fire engine around L.A. one time. He said that's screaming out for attention. Fred said he actually films that stuff to. He said that Jay hired a film crew to film him going down the roads in L.A. and it was like a movie.
Howard said he didn't know why someone would waste a million on a Bugatti. He said there's no where to drive it in the real world. Howard said someone saw him near the Bugatti so they yelled out his name and they asked him to pose with the car. He said the place is a mad house. He said it's crazy out there.
Howard said they went to like two stores and that was it. Beth was tired anyway so they went back to the hotel. Howard said he likes to be home playing chess. He said that's what he did at the hotel and it felt like home to him doing that. He said that calms him down. He said chess is cool but Ashton and Demi play Sudoku so he checked that out in the paper this morning. Howard said he took a look at it and it didn't make sense to him. He said he sees numbers and he wants to kill himself. He said he can't get into that game.
Howard said he wanted to prove to Beth that he can do stuff on his own so he went to the pool. Howard said he found the pool and got all nervous because he was there by himself. Howard said he guesses you're supposed to tip everyone including the towel kid. Howard gave him 20 bucks. Robin said it should be just a few bucks. Howard said he thought they were kind of ignoring him out there. Howard said he was kind of chilly out there even though it was warm out. He said he didn't take his shirt off because he was freezing. He also hadn't worked out for two weeks so he wasn't as ripped as he could have been.
Howard said he saw people taking pictures of him there with their cell phones. He said he knows he wasn't making that up. He's sure they were talking his picture. He said he's self conscious as it is.
Howard said he ran into Lori Singer from ''Foot Loose.'' He said she came by and said hi to him. Howard said he liked that. He said he talked to her for like a half hour. He said it would have been great if Beth had come back at that time. He said he has played chess with her son. He said she plays the cello and she's in an orchestra and making a CD. Howard said she's good looking too and she's working on some movie too. Howard said he got a lot of information about her while she was talking to him.
Howard said the pool boy came over to ask if he was being bothered by a fan. He said he told the guy that it was Lori Singer so he wasn't being bothered. He said that Lori's son plays chess and he's played against him. He said that he's 400 points above the kid in his rating.
Howard said he's actually going to go meet this chess player today. He said this guy is the number one rated guy and he's stopping by SIRIUS today.
Howard said he was going to get something to eat at the hotel but he didn't want to attract any attention. Howard said he was out at the pool with his hat on to keep the sun off his nose. He said he doesn't get these people who bake out in the sun. He said that Ross looks black because he was out tanning. Howard said he didn't even get to hook up with Booker out there. He said he'll be in the city in a week or two so he'll hook up with him then. Howard said that Booker has a nice job just playing music and talking a little bit. Howard said that dude makes some good coin doing that too.
Howard said he moved to the outdoor food area at the hotel. He said that they don't let you eat at the pool but the restaurant is right there. He said the food is good there though. He said he didn't want to put his shoes on to go there but he figured maybe they would make him wear them in there. Howard said he was going to read and eat to look busy. He said he was reading Star magazine so he got the NY Times instead. He said it's good that he did that because Bob Iger came in around that time. He said that he told Bob that he likes him but hates Les Moonves.
Howard said Eiger has a hot wife, Willow Bay, and some kids. Howard said Willow is very attractive. Howard said he was talking to Bob and then he saw David Spade was there and Spade came over to him. He said he talked to him a little bit. He said Spade was wearing a hat but it was like a fancy Fedora. He said he likes David. He went back to the pool after that and then got the message from Beth about going out shopping on Rodeo Drive.
Howard said that they went to the Jimmy Kimmel party later that night. He said he took a nap before the party. He said he banged Beth before the nap. He knew he could get to sleep if he did that first. Howard said he told Beth to wear the dress to the room. He wanted to ''take her'' in that dress. Howard said she did a lot of publicity out there.
Howard said they went to Jimmy's party and he's got a nice house. He said he has a whole compound out there. Howard said he has a house with a room that might be called a guest house. He said Jimmy went all out with the party. He said he has a very contemporary home and he had pizza being made fresh and some other food. He said there were too many people there for Jimmy to cook himself.
Howard said Jimmy is going to cut back on the parties because his friends break stuff and don't even tell him about it. He said the house is really nice too. Howard said Jimmy and Molly are a great couple too. He said that she's not living there officially yet but it's just a matter of time. She's already got her clothes there. Howard said he predicts that they'll marry and have kids. He said he likes her a lot. He thinks she's good for him.
Howard said Jimmy bought this machine that lets you do a 4 minute work out. Robin said she got that thing too. She said it doesn't work at all. Howard said he has one of those belts that shakes you around too. Robin said that's a real throw back. Howard said Jimmy did 8 minutes on that bike thing and he thinks that it made him super ripped.
Howard said Jimmy showed him around the house and showed him this band room. He said he's got carpet on the walls to cut down on the sound and stuff like that. Howard said it was great of Jimmy to throw the party for him.
Howard said Ben Stiller and his wife were at the party. Rick Ruben was there too. Howard said he lost like 150 pounds. Howard said Rick produced his Private Parts album. He said he looks amazing after losing that weight. Howard said he was a vegan too. He said he must have been eating like a cow or something. Howard said the guy will order Chinese food but he'll get it with the sauce on it. He said the guy is super thin and ripped and he's working out every day.
Howard said he felt like a 1 out there and maybe he was a zero. Robin said no one is a zero. Howard said he looked awful in the pictures they took. The guitar he was using had a small strap on it so he looked like Tiny Tim playing the guitar. Howard said he was out there playing guitar and all of the other instruments.
Howard said Amy Poehler was out there. Courteney Cox and David Arquette were there. He said that David was great and Courteney was a lot of fun too. He said that John Stamos and Mark McGrath almost got into a fight. He said that he was playing with Stamos and Mark McGrath and no one knew any songs. Howard said John wasn't upset with him but only because he's afraid to get mad at him. He said John started yelling that no one knew any songs and that he was the best musician there. Howard said John got all upset with Mark for not knowing any songs. He told John to calm the fuck down.
Howard said John is dating this hot actress, Nikki, and he figured this was the girl for him. He said he knows John will find something wrong with her. Howard said any guy in his audience would marry this girl without even talking to her. John is saying it's the best sex he's ever had. He said that John probably fucked every girl at the party at some point in his life. Howard wondered what that would be like.
Howard said girls should take a moratorium from this guy. Robin said she's seen things. She didn't say what she's seen John doing though.
Howard said he had to pack up some t-shirts that David Arquette gave him. He said that he was ungrateful for that stuff and he really didn't want the stuff. He said that he's the only person ungrateful about gifts.
Howard said he was in that room jamming and no one cared because they were drinking Johnny Knoxville's moonshine. He said the jar was like a peanut butter jar. He said Johnny is like a hillbilly. He said the stuff tastes like a chemical. He said he had kettle one there and he could have been drinking that instead. He said that this moonshine was probably made in some dirty place with people sticking their feet in it. Howard said everyone else was drinking the stuff though.
Howard said he wouldn't even share a water with Johnny, never mind his moonshine. Howard said it was good seeing Johnny though. He said that he does look like he's killing himself with the Jackass movies. Howard said the guy looks older than him at this point. Howard said the guy is a handsome guy but he's ruining himself. He said that Johnny still shoves that catheter up his penis and he does it so often that it bleeds sometimes. Howard said he thinks that he can still pee but he's not even sure about that.
Howard said Mark McGrath started to sing ''Fly'' while they were jamming and he heard from him that he did a good job on backup vocals. He said David Arquette got up and played and then Ashton Kutcher got up and played.
Howard said Johnny came up to him telling him how good he was on the drums after he played. Howard said that was the first time he had ever play and Johnny may have been wasted on the moonshine.
Howard said the party was wild. He said that Jillian Barberie was at the party. Natalie Maines was there. Jeff Probst flew in for the party. He said that Jeff was dating some chick but not the Survivor chick that he was dating. Howard said he was asking Jeff about his life and he felt like it was an interview. Howard said it was good to see Jeff there too. He said there were other people but he couldn't remember. He said Ryan Phillippe was there. He said he spoke to him for a while but he was smoking cigarettes with the guys outside. He said he was alright with that but he wouldn't smoke if he was a good looking guy like that.
Howard said that Beth is going to be on with Kathie Lee and Hoda today. Howard said Beth has no idea what his history is with her. He said he had to tell Beth about what went on with her and she was hoping that it wouldn't come up with her today. Howard said he's not sure if it will or not but he's thinking it might.
Howard said he's not sure what Beth is doing on the show today. He said she'll be on there today between 9 and 10.
Howard said Beth was all turned on by the instrument playing he was doing at the party. He said he was playing but it was bad playing.
Howard went over the list of people that he had mentioned at the party so far. Robin reminded him of some of the names he mentioned. Howard said he didn't speak to Natalie Maines for long. They went over the people that Howard had mentioned already.
Gary tried to get Beth on the phone but he wasn't able to get her. Howard got back to the list of names he had mentioned already but he kept going over the same people over and over. Gary said he was getting some names. He said he had Ashton Kutcher's assistant on the phone. Will Arnett and Amy Poehler were there. Dax Sheppard was there too. Howard said that Christa Miller was there too. Howard didn't remember who she was though. Gary reminded him who she was and how she was on the Drew Carrey show and some other shows. Howard said he's bad with that stuff but no one introduced him to her. Howard said she was probably disappointed in meeting him.
Howard said he had a conversation with Will Arnett but he didn't know who he was. They talked about some of the stuff he's been in and how he's on 30 Rock and in ''Arrested Development'' and things like that. Howard said he thought he was just one of Jimmy's family. He said there were a lot of very famous people there but that was all of the names he could come up with.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he did drink the moonshine. Howard said he did take a sip just so people wouldn't call him a pussy. Howard said he cut his drinking short that night because he didn't want to get sloppy in front of everyone. The caller asked if he left out anything. Howard said Tom Arnold was at the party and he was playing drums for a while.
Howard said he had a good time out there. He said he didn't have a chance to eat much out there. He was buys flitting around with people. He said Jimmy has a video poker game that you'd see in a bar or something. He said David Arquette was playing and he was eating while he was talking to David as he played poker. Howard said he only had a little bit of food but then they put it away and he didn't get to eat after that. Howard said he went home and ate instead. Howard said the party started at 6 and he was there until 11:30. He said that was a long time for him. He said that it was like being out until 2:30 in the morning in New York. He said that he had some peanuts and a banana after that party. Howard said they threw out all of the leftovers after the party.
Howard took a call and a guy mentioned the Jeff Probst story. Howard said he asked Jeff if he had said ''I love you'' to the girl he was dating. Howard said Jeff was asking him why he was asking that. Howard said he was just making conversation. He said that he was giving them a hard time about the ''L word'' and stuff like that. Howard said if he had asked the girl if she had ever banged a black guy then it would have been like an interview. Lisa G told Howard that Jeff is going to be there today at 9 to do some stuff for the Tapes team. Howard said he should stop in and talk about this romance.
Howard said Jeff seemed to leave kind of quickly. He said that Jeff spoke to him and then left. He said he may have chased him out of there. Howard said Beth did Jillian's show ''Good Morning L.A.'' and they didn't have her on until 9:30 even though she got there at like 6. He said he didn't get to talk to Jillian for long at the party. It was good to see her though. Howard said he had a good time there.
Howard mentioned Ben Stiller again. He said he was jamming with the band too. He said they had a good talk at the party too. Howard said he was busy with his guitar there.
Howard said he loved hanging out with Mark McGrath too. He wished that he and John Stamos had gotten along better though. He said he felt like he was part of the Hollywood community out there. He said that Beth seemed impressed that he knew some of these important people.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he was on TMZ and he looked miserable. He said that he gave one woman a nasty look. Howard said he wasn't even miserable and he looks miserable. He said this face of his just doesn't show his happiness. Howard said he didn't even know it was a chick who was grabbing him there. Howard said he had a hard time seeing what was happening there. He said it was very weird. Howard said he was worried about Beth and it felt very odd to him there. Howard said he needs a giant black man to carry him around in the palm of his hand. He said that he really needed like 5 black guys to surround him out there.
JD came in and said he didn't have a girlfriend. He said that he was just hanging out with this girl. He said he's not going to confirm or deny anything anymore. Howard asked what happened. JD said that the girl was interested in as more of a friend than anything. Howard said she did make out with him though so something must have turned her off. Howard said they should have a survey about JD to ask what goes wrong. He said they could have a check list of breath and things like that. Howard said he heard that she doesn't like that JD doesn't like to go out and do anything. JD said there was a lot of things that just didn't work.
Robin was looking at the weird facial hair JD has. Howard told JD he has to shave his neck because he has a bald patch that's kind of weird. He said he knows what Robin is talking about. Howard said he'll teach him how to do it if he wants. JD said he knows. He said he doesn't need any help. Howard and Robin goofed on him about that for a minute.
JD said that he and this girl went out to movies and to eat and stuff. They kissed too. Howard heard he brought her to Steve Brandano's party. JD said he did that. Howard asked Steve if she was hot. JD asked if they have to go over this now. He said that she doesn't want to be talked about on the show. It doesn't matter now since they broke up.
Steve came in and said that this girl was really hot. He said that she was into JD from what he could tell. Steve said that JD and this girl went to the basement to watch some hockey and they were making out and sitting really close. Howard asked if it was jarring to see JD making out. Steve said it was kind of jarring. He said it seemed like the girl was into JD for the right reasons too so he's surprised by this news.
Howard asked JD what went on there. JD said he doesn't know. He said maybe it's what he didn't do. Howard told him he should have fucked her. JD said he didn't want to talk about what did or didn't happen. Howard asked if he did fuck her. JD just mumbled and blurted out something unintelligible.
Fred and Howard did their impressions of JD and goofed on him for a little while. Howard figured JD fucked her and maybe he didn't hold out long. JD said he didn't want to get into that. Howard and Fred continued to goof on him some more.
Howard said he heard that JD brought his girl along with him when he was doing the radio show with Tracey that night. JD said she was there. Howard said that he must have been trying to impress her. Howard asked if he cried when she broke up with her. JD said he didn't cry.
Howard asked if she broke up by text. JD said it was something like that. JD was trying to tell them what she found wrong with him and why she broke up. He said that they talked about it but she mentioned that he didn't like going out and things like that. He said he may not have gone out enough.
Howard said he loves JD and if he had a son he'd want someone like him. He said JD is a good guy but he's awkward. He said he's so awkward that it's lovable.
Howard heard that this girl told Jim McClure that JD was better on the air than he is in person. She fell for the person on the air and not the person off the air. Howard said that the real JD must not have interested her. Howard said that it's good that they broke up if that's the case. He said maybe she was in love with the Fred impressions.
Howard asked JD if he did any of that dirty talk he did with Kissyphur. JD said he did a little bit of that. He didn't want to get into that. Howard did an impression of what that might have sounded like. Howard said he heard she had big boobs too. JD said it sounds like everyone noticed every little thing about her.
Fred was doing his impression of JD talking to her and telling her that he wanted to suck on her vagina so hard her head would cave in and she'd look like Beetlejuice.
Howard said he's sorry it didn't work out. He said that it must have been nice having a girlfriend for a while. JD said that it wasn't an exclusive thing so it's not that big of a deal. Howard asked JD if he needs to play the field. JD said that might be part of it. He said he's sure he'll find out what she thinks about all of this soon enough.
Howard asked JD if he's still friends with her on Facebook. JD said he thinks he is. He said he hasn't done anything.
Howard said it must suck when she breaks up with you over text. JD said it was over IM actually. Howard said he can't imagine breaking up over either one. He said JD must have taken it hard. Howard imagined that JD just typed back ''LOL'' when she told him she was breaking up.
Howard said chicks always give you a reason for why they're breaking up but they never tell you the real reason. Howard said that really sucks for JD. He said he gets the feeling he fucked her. JD said he has said a lot about her and she's not happy about that. He said that no one knows who she is and she knows who she is so some people know who she is. He said that she doesn't want everyone knowing what she did.
Howard told JD he really has to work on that facial hair. He told him to lift up his neck and show what's going on there. He said it's like an insane person's beard. Howard told JD he's sorry about the break up. He said maybe his cock is too small. JD said he's doing just fine with that. Howard said he must have a big one. He said he'll find a new girl. This girl wasn't ''the one'' and everyone knew it. They wrapped up and went to break after that.
Howard came back and did some back up vocals for that song. Howard said he threw in something here and there while Mark McGrath was singing ''Fly'' at the party.
Howard said he was talking to Fafa Fooey who threw out some guest names. He said he's on the fence about one person. He said that one of the hottest chicks in the world id Marisa Miller and she's been pitched to the show. Gary said that she's stunningly beautiful. Howard said that's great but what if she's not interesting. Gary said she's the big name model right now. Gary said she's been in Sports Illustrated for like 6 years now. Howard said he's not sure what to do.
Howard got a picture of Marisa and have her a bunch of ''Wow'' comments. He said she looks great in the pictures. Gary said they do cool things in Sports Illustrated where they paint on the bikinis. Howard said she must be banging someone famous. Fred read that she was married to some surfing contest chick. Howard read that she was a Perfect 10 Girl and he hung out with her down in New Orleans. Doug Goodstein said he's pretty sure she was in New Orleans throwing beads out with them one year.
Howard said hot chicks are fine to look at but they have to be interesting on the show. Howard said he hopes that Norm Zedah never banged her. Gary said he thinks that he was a germophobe and he would just jerk off to them. He said he's not sure what happened to Norm either. Gary said he just kind of disappeared. Gary was at the Perfect 10 mansion once.
Howard said he heard that Norm was dating Joan Rivers. That led to Howard talking about how Ron Zimmerman is dating Cher now. He said that he and Ron have always stayed in touch but now they're talking a lot more since the whole Cher thing came up. Howard said Ron thinks that Robin isn't happy for him and she can't seem to be happy for anyone. Howard said he told Ron that Robin is very loving and she needs a relationship like he has.
Howard said Robin might be bitter because she's hungering for love. Robin said that Howard is the devil. She said that she's happy for Ron and she's happy for Cher as well. Robin said she loves Cher and she's happy for both of them.
Gary said he gave Will Marisa name and he didn't have a lot on her. He said he could put up that picture of her and Howard would book her. Howard asked Robin what they should do. Robin told him to have her in and shoot the dice to see how it goes. Gary said they'll book her for the show then.
Steve said they also have a story about Pastor Manning has gotten into some trouble over some stuff he's been saying about President Obama in his ''trial'' that he's been holding. Howard said he had some audio of that trial but it's too boring to play on the air.
Howard took a call from Bobo who sounded like he was on a speaker phone. Bobo was on his Bluetooth headset. Howard told him not to call the show anymore. Bobo turned it off and asked if he got Beth's red dress off and banged her after she was on Kimmel. Howard said he didn't do that because they went out to dinner.
Steve said that Eric the Midget failed to show up to his high school reunion over the weekend. They heard about that from some people who were missing him at the event.
Steve also mentioned it was the anniversary of Howard going on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno. That led to Howard talking about how he was bad mouthing Jay out in L.A. the whole time he was out there. He said that everyone had their own Jay Leno stories that they told him. He said they weren't all that interesting though.
Howard had cracked a joke about toilet papering Jay's house and then he had second thoughts on that and talked about how lame that is. He said that people who vandalize people's houses should be jailed and caned like they do in other countries. Howard said he believes in the caning thing because he knows he's up to nothing and he's not going to get into trouble. Howard said people are up to too many shenanigans.
Howard said he saw a guy emptying his ashtray on the street the other day. He said that's the kind of guy who should be caned. Howard said he might move to Singapore so he can do some caning himself. He said he'd like to cane a few people around there. He said he'd start with Benjy but he'd probably like it.
Robin said she doesn't believe in caning but she does believe in the death penalty. Howard said he has a problem with the death penalty. He said there are too many cases of mistaken identity. Howard said they have to be careful with that. Howard said he bets that Scott DePace agrees with caning. Scott said he absolutely does.
Howard asked Scott if he canes his dog. Scott said he doesn't do that. Howard said that people should know better than to do stuff like spitting your gum on the ground.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He ran down the list of subjects for today's show. That led to Howard talking more about his trip to L.A. and wondering what Demi thought of him. He said he spent hours talking to her out there. Howard said they had a real connection. Howard said she may have been fascinated with his ugliness. He said she's surrounded by good looking guys all the time. He said she's not used to being around such ugly guys. He said it was like beauty and the beast. He said he should have asked Ashton about that when he was in there. Howard said he wants to know if she was taken with him.
Howard said that Courteney Cox was talking to him too and she must have been thinking about how ugly he was too. He said that she must have been thinking about how he could never have been on ''Friends'' and how he needs surgery. He said it must have been like meeting a burn victim for her. Howard imagined what kind of thoughts were going through her head. He said he has to ask David what she thought of him. He said even David Arquette is a good looking guy and he didn't realize it until he saw the pictures of their band.
Howard said he got the feeling that Courteney was treating him like a burn victim just telling him she wanted to do the show but she was afraid. He said he was telling her how he'd handle the interview and how she didn't have to answer any questions she didn't want to answer. Howard said there were so many good looking guys at the party too. He said that he felt like Eric the Midget at that party. Fred threw in Eric's ''I'm club fuckin' footed you ass wipe!'' clip during that conversation.
Howard had Jon wrap up his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran through a few more subjects for today's show. They went to break when Jon was done.
Howard talked more about what a ''cock sucking fuck ass'' Pat Buchanan is. He said he's also a dick and he hopes that the guy gets cancer and he's taken away soon. Howard said the guy hasn't done anything but sit there with his ugly, pock marked face and his ugly sister. Howard said that's backward thinking. Howard said he hopes the guy dies soon. He's 72 but Howard said guys like that somehow hold on. He said he's not quite as whacked out as Pat Robertson is but he's pretty out there. Howard said he had no thoughts about her being Jewish at all when he heard she was nominated.
Robin read about an actor in a Showtime series who has had some problems drinking lately. She read about how this guy had gotten out of control in an airport and when they banned him from a flight he started throwing around the N-word. Robin said the guy wasn't even screaming at anyone in particular.
Robin read a story about how the Chinese astronauts have eaten dog meat on their missions. She read that one of their astronauts wrote about eating dog on their flights in a book. Howard said dogs are like man's best friend so he doesn't get it. He said he heard from Richard Christy that cows are like that too though. Robin said they do have emotions. She said if you really think about it then you'll stop eating animals. Robin said she's out of that loop now. Howard said they might as well start eating human beings at this point. Howard said he likes dogs more than he likes people so he might as well.
Robin read about some kids being exposed to chemicals in fruits who may have more trouble with Attention Deficit Disorder. Robin read about the pesticide products that they're finding in the fruits and vegetables.
Robin read a story about a student who may owe the military $80,000 because she came out as a lesbian instead of sticking with the Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy. Howard said they should just allow gay people to serve in the military.
Robin read a story about the immigration law in Arizona. Robin said the president of Mexico is going to protest it to President Obama. Howard said that guy wants to get rid of everyone in his country too. Robin said she doesn't get how the President of another country and protest a law in another country. Howard said this law sounds perfectly legitimate to him. He said that it's not that big of a deal to ask for ID. Robin said this isn't going to stop the influx of illegal aliens. Howard said he's not sure the law is to keep people from coming into the country. He said he thinks that it's to send people back. He's fine with it even if they only send 10 people back.
Robin read a story about a dog that was blown off a terrace to another building a couple of blocks away. Robin read that the dog was okay but had some bruises and cuts on him. Howard said that must have been pretty wild when people saw the dog flying.
Robin read about Laura Bush going out and promoting her book. She had some audio of her talking about her book on some shows. Robin had Howard play a bunch of clips of her talking about George W. Bush's time in office and how he was blamed for everything, even the weather.
Robin read that Tiger Woods isn't talking to his wife, Elin, anymore. They're completely done with each other now. Howard said that chick is quite a catch. He said that guys are going to have to work hard for her. He said he bets that she's already going out and fucking guys. He said she should go out and fuck John Stamos. He said that they should introduce the two of them.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that his cousin just got SIRIUS a few months ago and she never got hi obsession with his show. Now she gets it and she's hooked too. Howard said he read an article about something similar and how this guy was addicted to the show now. He said the guy made it sound like they're better than they ever were in the past. The caller said the show has been great and getting better. He said his cousin watched ''Private Parts'' again and she now thinks that Howard has beautiful blue eyes when she sees that scene where they do a close up of him. Howard told the guy to thank his cousin for that. Howard went on to say that his face is like beautiful blue eyes surrounded by feces. Robin said he's being too hard on himself. Howard said that's the way he feels after looking at the pictures from L.A. Howard said he could feel better by looking at Benjy for a few seconds. He did that and said he felt better. Howard said Beth has told him that Benjy is attractive too but she's attracted to him so that makes sense.
Robin read more about this Arizona immigration law that's been in the news. Robin had some details about the protesting that's been going on and how Frito Lay has been asked to not sponsor a football game that's played in Arizona.
Robin read a story about how African American's own less than white American's do according to a study that was done.
Robin read a story about the Gulf oil leak and how they're finally getting it under control by pulling oil into a ship. She said that the oil that's already out there could cause some major problems when it starts to reach the shores. Robin said that the oil may be in a current heading to the Key West area. Howard said this is a major incident and he's not sure why they're not doing something to the oil company. Howard said he doesn't know enough about the topic but he wants to know if they're doing anything. Howard said they have to get down there and start cleaning up this mess.
Robin read a story about how the Miss USA contest and how the winner was the first Arab American to win. Howard said they have to get Debbie Schlussel on the phone because he heard she was going nuts over this. Gary came in and told Howard some of the stuff she was ranting about and how she has like 25 paragraphs about this girl. Howard said on second thought, he's not going to have her on. Robin had some audio of the girl who won talking about the win.
Robin read about a senator who has a new campaign where he tells people to raise their pants to raise their image. She had some audio of the guy talking about this campaign and how he's trying to get people to pull up their pants and stop showing their underwear.
Robin had some audio of a guy talking about how he likes to have his pants down. He said that you can sag but not too much. He thinks it's ''a'ight.''
Robin had a story about Alec Baldwin's 15th time hosting Saturday Night Live this weekend. Robin had some clips from the show.
Robin talked about Ronnie James Dio passing away over the weekend. They spent a minute talking about Ronnie and what bands he was in. Robin had some audio of some of his work too.
Howard took a call from a guy who congratulated Howard on the roll he's been on. That was about it. He didn't have much else to say.
Robin read a story about Lou Reed and Laurie Anderson going out and doing a concert for an all canine audience. Robin said the music will be inaudible to human ears but they think the dogs will like it.
Howard said he saw Lou Reed out with Laurie one time and he was going to talk to him but he wasn't sure if he has a problem with him. Howard said he thinks that Lou took offense to him saying that he looks like Joe Piscopo one time. Howard said he and Lou would see each other and they wouldn't talk. He said they were on vacation at the time and they'd be eating at the same time and neither of them would talk to the other. Howard said he never goes up to say hello to anyone. He said he tried it once with Heath Ledger and Heath snubbed him and shot him a look. He said that turned out to be a disaster.
Fred had an old tape of Howard yelling at Lou Reed to come over and talk to him at some event they were at. Gary said that was just the start of that story. He said Stuttering John went up to him and Lou grabbed him by the neck behind a curtain and told him to back off.
Robin had a story about the new Shrek movie that's coming out. She said it's in 3D. Howard said he hates Shrek. He said he tried to get into it but he just hated it. Robin had some audio of Eddie Murphy talking about the movie since he's the voice of the donkey. Howard said he doesn't like this new Eddie. He made fun of the way Eddie speaks and asked who hijacked Eddie. He let the clip play some more and asked if this is the same guy who did the routine about Mr. T getting his ass fucked. Howard said he thinks that Eddie died and someone took over for him. He said this can't be the same guy. Robin said he might be right about that.
Robin gave a quick movie box office update and said that Iron Man 2 is still number one. She also mentioned Robin Hood so they spent a minute talking about that movie. Howard and Robin hadn't seen it yet though. Howard said he wants to see it but he doesn't think the chick playing Maid Marion is hot enough. They ended the show a short time later, right around 10:45am.
Jon said that they heard a lot of Howard's L.A. stories today too. Gary said he thought it was fun hearing the stories. He said that it sounds like Jimmy really put together a great party out there.
Gary said Howard was also out there not working so that was different for him. He said that Beth was the one working this time. They talked about how Howard had said that his shrink told him to just let Beth do her thing out there. Howard kind of did that but then he went over to Kimmel's show and hung out in his green room.
Gary said he's been to that green room and it's really like a lounge. He said the drinks are free and the food is decent. Benjy said he had heard of it but he wasn't sure how they handled everything there. Jon Hein has been there too so he told Benjy some of the details.
Jon said that people just hang in the bar. They're not there to do the show or anything. Jon said that you have to know someone to get in there.
Jon brought up some of the stuff Howard was saying about John Stamos getting pissed about the whole band thing at the party.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked some questions about how they got Robert Downey Jr. booked on the show last week. Gary wasn't sure if they had heard Howard complaining or what but they got him booked.
Gary asked JD about how Jason had asked him to go out to eat with him one morning in Jersey and JD didn't want to go. Gary said that JD seemed to rather not be with people. JD said that he's always said that and he doesn't like going out. JD said it could have happened but he really didn't remember.
Jon said that JD was saying that the break up could have been because he didn't like going out much. JD said she reminded him of something that he did a couple of weeks ago. He said that he was going to bed around 9 one night and she didn't want to date someone who dated someone who goes to bed at 9 on a Saturday night. JD said that started the whole thing and that's what led to their break up.
Gary said JD doesn't seme to want to be around people when they come there to visit. JD said that he doesn't want to perform for people so he doesn't know what else to say to anyone. Jon said they're not asking him to dance.
Gary said that all he has to do is say ''hey'' when they say ''hey'' to him. JD said he does that. Gary said he gets the feeling he doesn't even like doing that. Jon asked if he would prefer not to be bothered at all. JD said if they're hot chicks then he doesn't mind. Gary said he's always nice but he tenses up if he stops at his office. He said if they walk by he relaxes.
Jon asked JD if he feels that he's a celebrity and he doesn't want to be bothered. JD said it's just the opposite. He said he doesn't think he's a celebrity and he doesn't get it when people want to meet him.
Jon asked JD about Howard bringing up his sexual exploits and what he thinks about that. JD said he just tries to roll with the punches around there.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that the cost of a cab ride around the city must be tough for JD. He said it's very expensive around there. Gary said that JD could take the subway. Gary said that he dated a chick who didn't do the Subway thing so they had to take a cab. The subway is the fastest way to do it though.
JD said it's not money with this chick. He said he would like to be able to do more things but he can't do a lot. JD said that he would like to be able to go out and eat if he had more money. The caller thinks that it would have been different if he had more money.
The caller also wanted them to bring that Amish girl back in and play Win Sal's Money. Gary said that Emma the Amish Model did a pop culture game and they have that in the can already.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked JD if he would change for a chick. JD said he's not going to change just to put up a front for her. Gary asked if he's just going to be who he is and not try to change at all. JD said it's hard to say. The caller said that he seems to have some kind of social way that's holding him back. JD said he knows that.
The caller asked if JD banged that chick. JD said that he didn't want to say. Benjy figured he had and if he hadn't he would have said that. JD didn't confirm or deny.
Jon moved on to talk about the story Howard told about Johnny Knoxville's moonshine. Howard had a sip of it because people were calling him a pussy at the party. Jon said it seemed like Howard was the leader of the crew and into the whole band thing. Gary said he thinks that Howard felt like he had to lead the party because the party was for him.
Jon asked Gary if he has heard anything from the people that Howard talked to out there. Gary said he hasn't heard from anyone yet. He said that it'll be interesting to hear Jimmy Kimmel's interpretation of it when he's on the show tomorrow.
Jon asked what Gary thought of Howard's shopping experience on Rodeo Drive. Gary said he was surprised that Howard didn't know it was going to be crowded. He wondered if Howard knew that it's not roped off for celebrities.
Jon asked JD about the girls he's seeing and if he has others out there right now. JD said he has some girls interested in him. Benjy said he can't tell if he's hurt by it at all. JD said that it was kind of sudden with her changing her mind. JD said that they were both still kind of talking to people while they were going out. He said that she may have gone out on a date with someone while she was going out with him.
Benjy asked JD if he cried. JD said he didn't cry and he didn't get depressed. Benjy asked what he said to her in the Instant Message conversation. JD said he can't change her mind and he can't quote what he said to her.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he knows the chick who JD was dating and he showed up to her apartment with a blind dog and a jar of peanut butter and that freaked her out. Benjy got a laugh out of that. JD said that wasn't true.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked about last night's Survivor finale and what they thought of Russell. Gary said Howard isn't interested but they were offered the chance to talk to Russell. Howard passed on that. He said Howard isn't watching the show anymore either. Gary said he liked Russell last season better but the guy pisses everyone off and then he's surprised when he does. Gary said the guy was unnecessarily cruel this season. He said he still loves watching the guy though.
Jon said that Russell just doesn't understand why people don't like him after he screws them all over. Gary said that he will call them names and then he's surprised when they don't vote for him to win. The caller said he thought the guy played the game right and he should have won. Gary said that he made it to the finals in two seasons and he didn't get any votes either time. The caller said he thought they were going to vote for him in the first season. They went to break a short time later.
Jon asked if everyone in L.A. has a script. JD said that whenever he's been out there everyone really is. He said that the cashier at Bloomingdales asked if they should put their SAG name on there. Gary said that the movie ''The Big Picture'' has a great scene where someone at a restaurant says they're a director and they say that their bus boy is a director too.
Jon had Teddy play a clip of Howard talking to Ashton about sex with Demi and how that's going. After the clip Jon and Gary talked about some of the other things Ashton was talking about and how he was talking about turning off that spigot of hot chicks when he met Demi.
Benjy said that Ashton knew that he could get laid from the age of 11 or so and he must have been looking at sex like a woman does.
The guys talked about what they think when they hear ''male model'' and some of them were saying they think gay and dumb.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Howard pisses him off when he becomes friends with guys like Ashton. He used to goof on the guy but now he's hob knobbing with them and they're okay. Gary said that maybe when you have a feud it doesn't have to be the end of it. He said maybe Howard didn't like the guy but then he met him and found out the guy was nice. Gary said they've gotten rid of a bunch of feuds like that and Howard is mellowing out a little bit.
Another caller said he liked the interview but Ashton didn't even know who Rabbi Gottfried was. Gary said that he didn't know you had to be a fan of the show to come on the show. The caller thought Ashton was a big fan of the show. Gary didn't remember him ever saying that though.
Another caller said that Ashton was talking about sending pictures of himself to his wife and he has a friend who knows how that stuff works and people can steal the pictures that are held on a server. He said that Ashton's pictures could be out there like that. Gary said they used to do that in photomat places too. Gary said they don't keep that stuff forever though.
Gary said he brought an article in for Howard where they talk about how you can set a timer to delete a picture from a server or a cell phone. He said it's like Mission Impossible when it self destructs.
The caller said that Howard is always correcting people when they say something wrong but Howard always says stuff wrong too. He gave them some examples. One of them was the difference between waiting in line or on line. Gary said there was a book on grammar and they were talking about on line and in line. He said Cali Lewis actually suggested the book to him. It's called The Grammar Devotional.
Another caller said that Howard and Gary start their sentences off with ''So'' too much too. Gary said that's more of a conversational thing. He said he wouldn't write a sentence like that.
The caller said that Howard didn't like Ashton just a short time ago. He said he's surprised that he had him on. Gary said he thinks that they would have had him on longer today if Ashton didn't have to run off like he did.
Jon brought up how Robin was out until 3:30 in the morning with Ross' wife. They spent about 30 seconds on that and then took a call from a guy who told Gary he was a bitch and hung up on him. The guys just laughed.
Jon said that Ashton was talking about the kabbalah thing today and it almost seemed like he was trying to distance himself from that. Gary said he got the feeling that maybe Demi was more into it than Ashton was.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that Robin is driving her nuts lately with all of the wacky stuff she's doing. She wondered how Robin is going to know if she's drinking ''real'' tea when she goes out with Rosie. Gary said he doesn't know what she means by that. The caller said that Robin is just being a pain in the ass. She said she think that Robin might be sincere but she seems to be positioning herself to start preaching to people.
Gary asked JD if he sees himself as different than he was when he first met him. JD said it's all kind of melded into whatever it is now. Gary said he thinks that JD was painfully shy when he met him but he seems to be getting out more now. JD said he's very shy with people at first and then he warms up to them.
Jon asked Gary if Howard is socially awkward. Gary said he was years ago but he's much better now than he was back then. He said Howard has always come off as nice to people but the awkwardness might be in his head.
Gary said that Sal is kind of socially awkward. Jon said that Sal isn't awkward when he's giving tours around the offices there. Gary said that Benjy is very good in social settings. He said Fred used to be more awkward than he is now. Gary said he doesn't Ronnie is awkward either. He said he's fine. JD said that Ronnie is into meeting girls and meeting guys.
Benjy said he can get shy around hot chicks. He said that it depends on if it's a hot chick or a guy or whatever. Gary said that Benjy would win with the interns every semester for being the nicest guy. Benjy said he loves to know more about people and he likes to find out their history and if they have any Jewish relatives.
Jon asked the guys if they think Howard would ever move to a warm weather climate. Gary said he got nervous today when he said he wasn't tied to this town. Gary said Robin was trying to get him to move too. Gary said that would be a hard move to make though. Benjy said Howard would think about Florida and he's said that before. Gary said he would never get guests down there though.
Benjy asked Gary if he would move to Florida to keep his job. Gary said he doesn't think so. He said he likes it too much there. JD said he would move there because it's cheaper to live down there. He said he could live in a mansion down there.
Gary said he kind of likes going skiing and spring is more appreciated after a bad winter. He said that's why he likes it up there. Jon was saying he wasn't sure he'd want to move his kids out of the area to move to Florida. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show telling Robin ''god bless'' when he said good morning to her. Howard said he's preparing to go to temple soon so he's getting in on that.
Howard said that Benjy was late too. He asked Benjy if he's testing him. He thinks that he's trying to piss him off. Howard told Benjy it's not a good idea to test him like that.
Howard said Greg Fitzsimmons was on last night and he forgot to mention he was at the Jimmy Kimmel party. Howard said Greg called him out on that on his show last night. Howard said he spent time with Greg and his wife. He said he must have been concentrating on the big celebrity names when he was talking about that party yesterday. Howard said he feels bad about that.
Howard said Greg talked about the party and he got his memory going about it again. He said he had a good time out there. Howard said his psychiatrist told him that he was only thinking about the good and he brought him around to the negative stuff. He said the shrink rapidly turned it into a negative and convinced him he didn't have a good time. Howard said he still thinks the shrink is on his side though.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Greg was kind of upset about him not mentioning his name on the show yesterday. Howard said he felt bad about that. Howard said he was trying to come up with names that would interest Robin and he just forgot Greg. He said Greg also came in late.
The caller was talking over Howard so he had to hang up on the guy. Howard said the show sounds like a pig fuck when he's taking calls. He said they don't seem to hear him. Robin said it might be an excitement that they have.
The caller was trying to say something about seeing people smoking pot there but Howard said he didn't see anyone doing it. If they were, he didn't see it. Howard said they were drinking moonshine though. Howard said that was Johnny Knoxville who brought that there. He said he heard from Beth that she drank a ton of it. Howard said she figured it was okay to drink it because no germs are going to survive that stuff. Howard said no one even knew what it really was. Fred said that some people use car radiators to make the stuff so it can leach toxins into the moonshine.
Howard played some of Greg Fitzsimmons' show from last night where he was talking about the Jimmy Kimmel party. He was playing a Chuck Berry song and said they were playing that there at the Kimmel party. Greg talked about Howard being there and playing in the band they got together at the party. Greg said that John Stamos wasn't talking to him at the party either. Greg said he was at the party and Howard didn't mention him.
Howard said he's not sure why he spaced out on Greg. He said his wife was very nice too. Howard played another clip where Greg talked about how his wife could not care less about these people at the party. Greg talked about going up on stage and playing ''Hey Jude'' with the band. Howard said he didn't know how to play it. Greg said he went up and showed Howard how to play it. Greg said Howard knew that he had no idea what he was doing. Greg said it was surreal being up on stage playing guitar with Howard Stern. Greg said they had Ben Stiller playing drums and they had Demi Moore watching them play. He said that David Arquette was playing trumpet and it should have been surreal but he felt included and not judged. He said it was like a dream to him and he just floated through it.
Howard said Gary asked if he knew it was like that for people. Howard said he really doesn't think of it that way. Howard said it was kind of cool being up there with a bunch of chicks watching him. He said that Ben Stiller's wife wasn't too shabby either. He said that they had fun doing that.
Howard said Greg got a call from Mark McGrath who told Greg that the whole John Stamos thing was made up and he and John are getting together. Howard played that clip and Mark said he got none of that energy that Howard mentioned. Mark said John asked him to come over to his house and hang out. Greg said he picked up that John was very intense about the music. Mark said he is but he can play anything on drums. Mark said they both know a lot of stuff and they're going to jam together. Greg asked Mark how it felt with all of the chicks watching them play. Mark said that it was very comfortable for everyone. Demi Moore was singing there too and Mark was impressed with her voice.
Howard said Demi Moore can actually sing. He said she's really good. Howard said her husband was playing the piano and she was singing and it sounded really good. They were even singing a song that they made up.
Howard said that Stamos and McGrath were throwing out songs for them to play and they didn't have any of the same stuff. Howard wanted to play something he knew but there wasn't much of a choice. Howard said that Stamos and McGrath could play but everyone else was just pretending.
Howard played more of the McGrath and Greg stuff and McGrath was saying Howard can really play. Howard said all of a sudden he's like Hendrix. Greg said that it was great seeing Howard just being silly and having fun. He said Howard doesn't get to do that very often. McGrath was saying that they were just having fun there and he had the best time of his life there.
Howard said this was the party to be at. He said he was Mr. Excitement all of a sudden. He said it drained him though and he may not go to another party for 5 more years. He said that he has to come up with stuff for his shrink that bother him. He said that his shrink helps him find the bad in everything. Fred said he thought Howard was pretty good at that already.
Howard said the jar of moonshine is the highlight of the party. He said he loves that Johnny Knoxville. He said he always has loved that guy. He said he is the greatest and he was sipping from that jar like a hillbilly from Tennessee. Howard said it was probably made in someone's basement with a car radiator like Fred said. He said he didn't know how people could drink that stuff.
Howard took a call from a guy who ended up bumming Howard out. Howard said he didn't think he was going to take any calls today. The guy kept saying hello and it was irritating Howard. The caller said he knows how the Paparazzi find celebrities. He said that they follow the limo companies and pay people off to give some information.
Howard said that sounds like the worst job because they all take the same pictures. He said they can't be getting paid very well to take pictures of him. He said they can't be making much to get pictures to sell. Howard said they might give the driver a couple hundred and then they get like 50 bucks for a picture of him.
The caller said he'd be surprised how much they'll pay for a good picture. He said Howard is almost like the pope when he goes to L.A. because he's hardly ever out there. Howard said maybe that does drive up his price. He said he shows up in Us magazine and the Enquirer once in a while but he thinks that they might not care that much. Howard said he had the Paparazzi following him around the other day and he didn't think he was looking too good.
The caller asked Robin if she would every reveal the embarrassing thing she did when she was drunk. Robin said that she would not. Howard said he's advising her not to reveal that. He said he knows what it is and he's telling her not to bring it up.
Howard said that Jimmy Kimmel got up and played harmonica at the party that night. He said none of the songs were really songs and they didn't need harmonica but they got crow barred in there.
Howard said the video shows one blonde girl over this kid's shoulder and the look on her face is that of amazement. Howard said it's like when Lois Lane finds out that Clark Kent is Superman. He said that the light bulb turns on and she was just like ''Oh my god this guy is special.'' Howard thought she was a 6th grader sitting behind the kid. He said that you should look it up on the web and check it out just to see the look on the girl's face.
Howard played some of the audio of this kid's performance. He was playing piano and singing the Lady Gaga song. Howard wondered if this is going to be the kid's only good moment or is he going to go on to have a career. He said that happens on American Idol. He said these kids sing one good song but then they go on the show and they turn out to be not so good.
Howard said he was thinking he was going to get the big scoop with this kid but Ellen's people scooped him up immediately. He said they're slow to react and he blames his team. Howard said he blames his team for not being fast enough.
Howard said his staff are on Facebook 24/7 and you'd think they'd find this stuff fast. He said Mike Gange should have seen it. He said that all of these guys are on that stupid Facebook posting stuff all the time but no one brings him anything. He said he blames his staff.
Howard said by the time they send him this stuff it's over. Howard said Richie Wilson is on there and you can't get him off. Howard said Richie actually sends him some good stuff though. Howard said he's going to look into it and fire the person who did send him the clip of that kid.
Howard said he heard this stuff on the Wrap Up Show too. He said he's learned that you have to change. He said he's been an angry guy and now he's trying to be a bit more open minded. Howard said that Rush Limbaugh is so close minded and he doesn't want to be like that.
Howard said that Pat Buchanan is such a shit stain. He said that the guy is complaining about there not being enough WASPs on the Supreme Court now. Howard said he hates that whole religious right group. He said they represent such bullshit. Howard said that guy is nuts.
Howard said that no one should even be thinking about what religion that woman is. He said that she's dedicated her life to that career and they should be commending her for that. Howard said Pat is a stupid ass.
Howard read this note from Clem Racing Inc. where they talk about the kids that are racing for Bubba's team. Bubba's son finished in first place in this race. Howard didn't understand any of what he was reading but it looked like his son won the race. He also set a record lap time. Howard read through the letter which sounded more like a press release. Howard said he wrote Bubba back and congratulated him but he thinks he was congratulating him on almost killing his kid. Howard said he knows it's important to Bubba but he has no idea what the fuck is going on with that.
Howard said that Tyler won another race. He read about that stuff and said that he isn't privy to any of that race talk. He asked Ronnie to come in and explain it to him. Howard said it seems like Tyler had a problem with his race car but he still ended up winning or coming in second place.
Ronnie came in and explained some of this stuff to Howard. He had to tell Howard what it meant when a chain came off the car Tyler was driving. Howard read the notes again and said that Tyler won this race after that happened. Ronnie said that this kid is doing really well and he started out at like 4 which is how most of these NASCAR guys start out.
Howard spent a few minutes talking to Ronnie about what's going on with Bubba and his race team. Ronnie said that he thinks Bubba wants to own his own NASCAR team some day and his son could end up driving. He said they do have sponsors and Tony Stewart backing them up. That's a big deal for them. Ronnie said that Tyler is doing really well too. He said he's going to try and get out to see his son race sometime this summer.
Howard said he didn't really understand what he was reading about but Robin kind of did. He said she has better reading comprehension than he does.
Gary said that they make you go to iTunes to get the apps. Howard said he's going to throw the thing out. Gary thought that Howard could just go to iTunes to set up an account. Gary said they might have chess apps that he would like.
Gary said that Jon Hein might be able to help Howard out with this stuff. Howard said that's how he got his cold from Jon. He said he gave him his Blackberry to set up and he got sick.
Howard said that he forgot he has Techno Beaver Gary there to help him out too. He asked Gary to wear his whole Techno Beaver outfit when he handles his iPad. Gary said for Howard he will do that.
Gary said that Scott Weiland got a massage while he was watching his wife in labor. Howard gave the details of the story and said that Scott was under stress so he had a massage done while his wife was giving birth. Howard said he read the notes about that and Scott doesn't see a problem with it. Howard said they have Jimmy Kimmel coming in too. He said he'll be sitting in during the show. Howard said they'll get his views on the party out in L.A. too.
Howard read through some email and said that people were upset with Robin about the immigration laws down in Arizona. Howard read some mail about how good the show is lately. He had some Ashton Kutcher feedback too. He said that some people liked Ashton Kutcher showing up yesterday. Howard read one where a guy said that Ashton was boring. Howard said he thought Ashton did a good job.
Howard read some feedback about Bobo and how useless his phone calls are. One guy said he'd rather hear Ralph over Bobo and he hates Ralph. Howard said that Bobo is okay. He said he thinks that people overreact to him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Beth was on the Today Show and he thought she looked beautiful. He said that he had a question about her book. He asked if they took out the word ''dog'' and replaced it with ''kid'' would it still work. Howard said it's very dog specific. The guy said his kids need some help. The caller also asked if he heard that Lindsay Lohan is going to play Linda Lovelace in a movie. Howard said that makes sense.
That led to Howard talking about some hot pictures of Lindsay Lohan. He found the article that he was talking about an read through that. Lindsay is seeing some older photographer and they've been seen out together. Howard said he can imagine the eating out and dildos in the ass and vagina and stuff like that. He said he can't imagine what else they're up to. He said they must play with their tits for hours and hours.
Howard said he has such dirty thoughts about Lindsay after seeing these pictures. He said she's got some amazing tits. He read more of this article about Lindsay and the woman she's allegedly dating. Howard had some quotes from some people in this article but he wasn't even sure who they were talking about a few paragraphs in. Fred threw in some Little Lupe audio clips while they were going over that stuff.
Howard said he's a flat stomach guy and not even a breast man or an ass man. He loves flat stomachs. The caller was making all kinds of noise on the phone so Howard tried to figure out what he was doing. The guy said he was just putting some papers down.
Howard said Beth went on to do the show and she was in the dressing room and Kathie Lee came back to say hello to her. Howard said Kathie Lee, according to Beth, came back and said hello and had a conversation with her and she was very nice. Howard said there was no mention of him. Howard said Beth went out and did the interview and it was kind of peculiar.
Howard said everyone was nice but it seemed like he was in the room but not really in the room. He said that no one was mentioning him. He said Kathie Lee did mention Beth was his wife in the intro. He said maybe it's in his imagination but he felt it was odd. Howard said Beth enjoyed it and she had it on her mind the whole time she was doing the interview.
Howard said that he once ran into Kathie Lee and Frank on a flight he was on. He said this was during the worst of the fighting that was going on. He said some really shitty things about Kathie Lee and frank back then. Howard said Kathie Lee sent him a note after his divorce and she was very nice about it. He went on the air and made fun of it and ripped it up. Gary said it was a nice gesture but it was also a lot about how Howard should be finding god. Gary said it was a little weird. Howard said over the years he's been very critical of that style of broadcasting too.
Howard said things were really bad back when he ran into Kathie Lee and Frank. He was afraid that Frank was going to beat him up. He said he was pretty sure frank could take him even though he was older. Howard said he didn't want to be known for beating up an older football player either. He said he'd be fucked either way.
Howard said he was looking at Frank's hands and they were like the size of a ham. He said that the guy is a big man. He's big and thick and was afraid of getting into a fight with the guy.
Gary came in and said that he remembers playing tapes of Kathie Lee on the show and how they wanted to bring the transcripts to Broadway. Howard said she was very nice to his wive and it was very big of her to do that. Howard said he's going to be the first one to say that.
Gary told Howard to check out a clip of Lisa G interviewing Kathie Lee in the past few months. Lisa said that she had some history with Howard but Kathie said that she has no history with him at all. Lisa was trying to get something out of her but Kathie Lee wasn't going there. She just said she wishes Howard all the best. She said she wouldn't come on the show either. Howard said that was Lisa annoying the shit out of Kathie Lee.
Howard said it was very nice of Kathie Lee to have Beth on the show. He let Bobo go after that. He talked more about Beth's appearance and how Kathie Lee and Hoda were really far away from Beth and they were having their own conversation while Beth was sitting away from them. Howard said it was kind of awkward but they were very nice to her. He said that Kathie Lee was very generous to have her on like that though.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she thinks that Kathie Lee mimics his interview style. She thinks that she loves Howard and she's doing her interviews like Howard does. It seems that way to her. Howard said maybe that is it. He said he used to want to bang Kathie Lee and maybe he's in love with her too. He said maybe he's like the kid who pulls a girl's pony tails in school. He said he was kind of obsessed with her back then.
Howard said that he's not even the pony tail puller, he's the pony tail puller who vomits and shits on her. He said he had to tell Beth the history of what was going on with Kathie Lee and it was kind of crazy what he told her about. Howard said he had to take a break and a lot of stuff to get to. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and had Lisa G come in with her news preview. Howard said he was reading a story about the network up fronts and how they announced American Idol is going to have a search for Simon Cowell's replacement this summer. He said they also said based on their research that they're going to cut the show down to a half hour on the result night. He said he's surprised they had to figure that out with a poll. Howard said they were just dragging the show out. Howard said he doesn't think that Ellen is going to be invited back. Robin said she'd take a bet on that.
Howard said people just don't like Ellen. He said there was a woman who wrote an article about his show and how she's a fan of the show. He said that she mentioned that he was brought up as a replacement for Simon but that would be a waste of talent. Howard said she talked about how much more he does then Simon Cowell does. Howard said it was a very nice article.
Howard said he also wanted to set something else straight. He said that Geraldo was saying that he was the one who started the rumor about American Idol but that's not true. Howard said JD has to remind him about this stuff. He said that he wants to set Geraldo straight on this. He said he didn't start this rumor. He read it in the NY Post. He said they wrote that they wanted to pay him $50 million to take over for Simon. Howard said the rumor may have gotten started when he said he was offered a network TV show but it was an entirely different show. Howard said he has turned down that offer.
JD came in and told Howard where the clip was. Howard told him he has to remind him about this stuff. JD said he was going to pith it to him some other time. Howard told him to just pitch him everything. Howard played the clip and there were a couple of women discussing the American Idol rumors and they were the ones who said that Howard had started the rumor. It was Jessica Shaw from Entertainment Weekly that mentioned that. Howard said he wasn't the one who started the rumor. Howard said he has to apologize to Geraldo for getting that wrong. Howard said this chick doesn't know shit. He said she's probably a hag. He said she's reporting on American Idol so how happening can she be?
Lisa said that they call these people ''editor at large'' and they go out talking about what the magazine writes about. Howard said they must have an issue with him over there at Entertainment Weekly. He said he never reads that rag anyway.
Jason came in and said that this Jessica woman has the worst column in the magazine. He said it's a throw away column. Howard said he didn't start these rumors and he hates that crap. Howard said this woman doesn't know anything about his career. He said he didn't start the rumor, he just had some fun with it when he read it.
Howard said he'd never take that job either. He said it would be an awful job. He said he doesn't want to do that but if they paid him $50 million to do it he'd have to take it. He said in this economy that's a pretty good piece of coin.
Howard said that he'd be an asshole not to take that kind of money. Howard said they had some pictures of that woman from Entertainment Weekly. He said that was enough said about that. Fred let out an ''Oooo'' when he saw the picture.
Howard said he was talking about American Idol and how they're trying to figure out what's wrong with the ratings. Howard said that they have a lot of problems. He said that Simon is just going to replace Idol with his new show anyway.
Robin asked if something has changed in Benjy's life that's making it hard to get there. Howard said he doesn't care. He said Benjy is making him look bad. He said he's backed himself into a corner and he's not going to lose his credibility based on this. He told Benjy to just show up on time. Benjy said he can do that.
Howard was talking to Benjy but he wasn't answering. Howard said Benjy was trying to think of a good comeback. Benjy said nothing is new. Howard asked why he was late today. Benjy said he laid down to rest and he fell back asleep this morning. Howard told him to set a second alarm. He told him to go home and go to bed after the show instead of going on the Wrap Up Show.
Lisa said she spoke to an expert who says that Benjy should get there 15 minutes before the show starts. Then he can keep busy with something else. Howard said of course that's the way it should be. Howard said that's what he does. Howard told Benjy to just get to work on time or he's fired. He said he hates firing this guy but he might have to do it if he can't show up on time.
Howard asked Benjy what he really likes around there. Benjy thought about it and said that he really likes the Wrap Up Show. Howard said he's going to have to take it away from him then. He said he has to do something and he's going to take that away from him. Benjy said he loves talking to Robin in the hall too. Howard asked if he likes that Howard TV pays for his breakfast. Benjy said he does. Howard said he's going to take that away from him if he shows up late again. Howard said he's going to cut off his craft services so to speak. Howard asked Benjy if that's alright. He called him ''chubsy wubsy'' as he was telling him about that.
Lisa said that Benjy needs a time. Howard asked what time she thinks he needs to be there. Howard said he just needs to be there before the show starts. Howard said he shouldn't cut it that close and not be showing up 2 minutes before the show stars. Howard said that they have a 20 minute meeting before the show and Benjy should be there for that. Fred said he tries to get the show start elements done around 6 so Benjy should be in there by then.
Jimmy said he doesn't command the respect that Howard does. Howard said he doesn't get any respect though. Jimmy said he has a lot of family members working for him. Howard said he met his cousin Sal and some of his other family members there at his show last week. He said that Uncle Frank is there and people like that. Jimmy said he's like the Wayans brothers. Howard said Jimmy must resent the fuck out of everyone. Jimmy said he really doesn't. He said the people who work there are the best employees there. He said they're a great example for everyone else.
Howard said that Jimmy needs good writers and he must have a tight budget over there. Howard said he must not be able to get rid of his cousin Sal if he wanted to. Jimmy said that Sal has worked with him on a lot of stuff and he knew he could do the job. Howard said that his girlfriend, Molly, is the co-head writer over there so that's going to be pressure if they break up. Jimmy said that would be a problem but they're going to try not to break up.
Howard said Jimmy seems to be happy with Molly. He said they're all physical and stuff. He said he's like Ike Turner. Howard said he likes Molly too.
Howard and Jimmy talked about the party that Jimmy had for him out there in L.A. Jimmy said that Howard has to come out there more often. Howard said he was really blown away by the party. He said he had a great time there.
Howard said he went out to dinner with Jimmy and they were being followed by the Paparazzi again. He said they went into the restaurant and they followed him there. He said he though that the reservation was under Jimmy's name but it turns out it was under his name. Jimmy said that was weird because he thought he put it under his own name.
Howard said he has to thank Jimmy for being the host while he was out in L.A. He said he really appreciates that. Jimmy said he put 10 times more thought into that party than he did with his own wedding. Howard said that Jimmy paid no attention to his wedding. Jimmy said he went to Costco for that wedding.
Howard said he and Jimmy had a good time out there going to dinner and with the party. Howard said that Joaquin Phoenix was at dinner one night. He said he thinks the guy is crazy but Jimmy thinks he's normal. Howard said that Joaquin was goofing on Jimmy's show when he got up to go to the bathroom. Jimmy was laughing and said he finds it all funny. Howard said that Joaquin was bad mouthing him as soon as he got up to go to the bathroom.
Jimmy said that the whole thing is funny to him. He said he usually has friends with lazy eyes and people like that at his house. He said with the party it didn't seem right. He said he had all of these famous people there.
Howard said Jimmy had asked him if he wanted to see anyone in particular at this party. He mentioned David Arquette and Courteney Cox. Then it led to more and more people. Jimmy said he was getting a lot of requests to come to the party. Howard said he felt funny about inviting people to Jimmy's home. He said he was getting requests too. Howard told Jimmy he'd like to see people like Greg but he wasn't sure how many he could invite.
Howard asked Jimmy if he heard Greg's show last night. jimmy didn't hear it. Howard told him what he was saying on the show and how he had forgotten him at the party. Jimmy said Greg is very forgettable though... He was just joking.
Jimmy said that Greg has had him on the show and he asks him really hard questions. He said Greg had him rank Howard and the crew in order of liking them. Jimmy said he was forced to rank Howard, Robin and Fred in order and it was very tough.
Howard said Jimmy sent him a picture from the party where he wrote ''The Jonas Brothers'' under it. He said he wrote back and said that he looked horrible standing up there with those other guys. Howard said he felt he looked okay until he saw some of the pictures. Howard said he looked ridiculous playing the guitar Jimmy has too. He said that the strap was too short and it looked like a ukulele around his neck.
Jimmy said he wanted the party to be like a Jackie Martling kind of party without the garbage pail full of clams. He said that he missed the Mark McGrath and John Stamos stuff too. Howard told Jimmy that McGrath was telling Greg Fitzsimmons that it was nothing and he and John are going to jam together. Jimmy said it sounds like a preemptive strike from the Stamos camp. Jimmy said he got a note from Mark saying that something was going on there. He said he thinks everyone saw that.
Howard said Johnny Knoxville walked in with that jar of moonshine. He said that he didn't expect anyone else to drink out of it. He said he figured that they'd avoid drinking something that came out of a jar like that. Jimmy said it was like communion at mass with everyone drinking out of the jar. Jimmy said he didn't drink any. He said he's had it with him before so he knew better. Jimmy said that no germs are going to survive in there. Robin said it wasn't the germs that they should be worried about.
Howard said he thinks that a lot of people in Hollywood are jealous of this party. Jimmy said that Howard can never come back. He said he can never top that party.
Howard said Jimmy is very open to his friends and family during football season and they treat him like crap. They break stuff and don't tell Jimmy about it. Howard said Jimmy has a really nice house now and he was eating dinner on top of his Video Poker game. Jimmy said that was fine. He said that the group there were the most refined group that have ever showed up at his house.
Howard asked who else he forgot. Jimmy said he forgot about Greg. Jimmy went over some of the other people like Christa Miller who Howard kind of forgot about. Christa is going to call into the show to talk about that tomorrow. Howard said she apologized for not telling him who she was. Jimmy said that everyone there was a big fan of the show. He said that they weren't just people who wanted to check out the party. Howard said he felt like a big celebrity out there with the Paparazzi following him around and all of that.
Robin asked if Ashton Kutcher or Demi Moore is the fan in that relationship. Howard said he thinks that it's Ashton. Jimmy thinks that Demi is the kind of person who would get into the show and fall for it once she starts listening.
Howard said he thinks that Jeff Probst might be mad at him for the discussions he had with him at the party. He said Jeff has a new girlfriend and he started to quiz him about his new girlfriend and he seemed to upset him when he asked if he wanted to say ''I love you'' to this new girlfriend. Howard said Will Arnett was there and watching this go down. He said Jeff wasn't having fun and he's not sure if he's mad at him. Jimmy said he hasn't heard from him yet so he's not sure. Gary said he knows that Jeff is a big fan and he rearranged his schedule to go to the party. He said he hasn't spoken to him so he's not sure if he's mad or not.
Jimmy had notes about the show and asked Robin how old she thinks he is because she was making it seem like he's as old as Howard is. Jimmy said he's 42. Howard said that he's 56 so he's not that much older. Jimmy said he did grow up listening to Howard. Robin made it seem like he couldn't have grown up listening to Howard.
Howard had Eric the Midget on the phone to talk to Jimmy. Jimmy said he loves Eric but Eric doesn't love him. Eric said he has a bone to pick with Howard first. He said he wanted to say hi to Jimmy too and asked how his family is doing. Jimmy said that they're doing fine. Eric said he met his uncle and his cousin Mickey.
Jimmy said that people were more excited about Eric being on his show than they were about Howard. Gary came in and asked if Eric is boycotting Iron Man 2 because Robert Downey Jr. had a midget in ''Sherlock Holmes.'' Eric said he didn't do that and it was probably one of the imposters out there.
Howard said that when a midget enters the room everyone feels better. Jimmy said that John Stamos is scared of midgets so he had Mini KISS on his show one time and he had them all come in and say hello to John. Jimmy said that Stamos was completely disgusted.
Howard said he felt like a monster in the pictures from Jimmy's party. He said he felt like Herman Munster at the school visiting Eddie's teacher. Howard said the pictures were kind of fun though so he does want copies.
Howard said he had to thank Jimmy for having his wife on his show. He said there was a great rapport between them.
Howard had another caller on the line who asked Jimmy if he noticed how hard Beth's nipples were on his show. Howard said Beth was worried about that and she wondered if she should wear nip-its. Jimmy said that he makes sure he doesn't look at women's boobs on the show. He said he will look at their heads and sometimes over their heads.
Howard said he was on Letterman's show one time and Jewel was on and yelled at James Carville for staring at her tits. Howard asked Jimmy if he's ever had anyone on that he has trouble concentrating on. Jimmy said that Pam Anderson is one he has a hard time with. He said that it's hard to avoid. Jimmy said they had Josie Maran on the show one time and she dated David Blaine. Jimmy said he could see her shirt open on the show and he lost his train of thought on the show. He said he was babbling when that happened.
Howard said he thinks of Jimmy as being A-sexual and he doesn't think of him looking at other women. Jimmy said that he's not the kind of guy who gives outward displays of affection. Howard said he was worried about Jimmy. He thought he was going to go berserk like he did for 7-8 months. Howard said he was upset that he wasn't going to be out there with Jimmy during that. Howard said Molly is terrific though. He said she knows how to dress too. He said she wears very short dresses. Jimmy said that he told her that all of the caterers saw her vagina in that dress and it freaked her out.
Howard told Jimmy about taking Beth out shopping and how he brought her back to the hotel to bang her so he could get some sleep. He needed that so he could fall asleep and take a nap before the party. He said that she had to have it with him and within two seconds he was done. Howard said that he got his rest and he was the life of the party.
Jimmy said he knew that he'd be evaluated for years about that party. He said he did his best. Howard said it was a great party but he didn't understand why the caterer threw out all of the food. Howard said the party must have cost a lot. Jimmy said it wasn't that bad. He said it was more than a couple of grand.
Howard said he's responsible for Beth's nips on his show. He told her not to wear the nip-its. The caller told him that was a great thing.
Eric the Midget asked Howard what the fuck was up with Howard saying he felt like him at the party. Howard said he was just saying he felt like a 1 out there while he's a 4 there in New York. Howard said he felt that people were staring at him like they'd stare at Eric at a party. He said that he must know what that feels like. Howard said that he felt handicapped out there like Eric is Handicapped. Howard said he was Howard the Midget.
Howard said he spoke to his shrink about this party and he talked about how ugly he feels next to these other people. Howard said that the shrink told him that he can't have everything in life. Robin said those people have everything. Howard said that his shrink said they don't but Robin is making him feel worse now.
Howard asked Eric if he thinks he's handsome. Eric said he doesn't look like Brad Pitt but he doesn't look like a freak. Howard asked where he'd rate himself. Eric said he never really thought about it. He said he'd give himself a 5. Howard asked if he really thinks he's better looking than him. Howard said he'd give Eric a New York 3 and an L.A. zero.
Howard asked Eric if he thinks he's better looking than Jimmy. Eric didn't have a chance to answer. Howard said he thinks Jimmy looks fine and he's not odd like he is. Howard said he looks ridiculous. Jimmy said everyone zeros in on themselves and thinks they look awful.
Howard said Beth must really love him because she told him he looked sexy playing guitar. Howard said he thought he looked terrible. Jimmy said it's very erotic to a woman when a man grabs his axe and starts playing.
Howard asked Jimmy about the back stage area at his show where they have the bar and stuff. He said it seems like mass chaos back there. Jimmy said that his original executive producer, Daniel Kellison, came up with that idea. Jimmy said they knew they were going to have trouble getting guests so they wanted a place where they could have fun hanging out. That's how they did it with that club area.
Howard told Eric he had to go. Jimmy said Eric was in that green room. Eric didn't drink there. Howard asked why not. Eric said he just never liked to drink. Jimmy said maybe this year is the year to start. He said last year it was the whores, this year it's the drink.
Eric asked if they saw that Sarah Silverman's show was canceled. Jimmy said he did hear about that. He said this is like ETMZ doing the reports for the show. Howard asked Jimmy if he's run into Sarah since they broke up. Jimmy said he did and it was very awkward. He said that he was with Molly and Sarah was with her boyfriend Alec. He said that they were coming in as Sarah was leaving. He said he just told Sarah that they were ''going to go stand over there'' after talking to her for about a minute.
Jimmy said it was very weird because you're so used to seeing the person every day and then you don't see them for a long time and don't have anything to say. Jimmy said it's odd.
Howard asked Jimmy if he would have had Sarah on the show to promote her book. Jimmy said he doesn't think that having her on the show to talk about her book would be the best place to have their first conversation. Jimmy said that things are going fine in his life though.
Howard said there is something weird going on with Jimmy but he's not sure he wants to bring it up. He did anyway. Howard said Jimmy broke up with Sarah first and then they got back together and Sarah broke up with Jimmy. He said he's wondering if Sarah just got back together with him to break up with him. He said that Sarah has been talking about this new boyfriend and kind of bad mouthing Jimmy by saying that she's only dated mean, fat guys before. Jimmy said he did email her about that and they got that straightened out. jimmy said it could have been taken out of context but she said she didn't mean it. Howard said he thinks Jimmy is better off with Molly. He said Jimmy seems to be on cloud 9. Howard predicts that Molly will move into Jimmy's house. Jimmy said she's there every night. He said she's resistant to that for some reason. Jimmy said he thinks that people like having their own place.
Howard said he thinks that Jimmy and Molly will get married and have kids some day. Howard said that's really going to suck for him because Beth is going to start thinking about kids. Howard asked Jimmy if he's open to having more kids. Jimmy said he has mixed feelings about that. He said he has an 18 and a 16 year old so he's got mixed thoughts on it.
Jimmy said that there are things that appeal to him and some that don't. Howard said he has to convince Molly not to have kids.
Howard asked Jimmy if he's happy that Sarah's show was canceled. Jimmy said he's not but he's sure she'll be fine. jimmy said he'd usually say yes but not for Sarah.
Howard said that Stone Temple Pilots are there and they're back together again. Howard said they were actually there and ready to play.
Howard said Beth is doing a book signing tonight at Book Review in Huntington, New York. She's going to be there with a mobile pet adoption thing. Howard said she won't have any nip-its on either. Howard said that Beth gets up and speaks and people share about their pets and putting them to sleep and stuff. Jimmy laughed and said that sounds like fun.
Eric told Jimmy to say hi to his relatives for him. Jimmy said he would do that. Fred played Eric's ''I'm club fuckin' footed you ass wipe'' as Howard wrapped up with him.
Howard said that Jimmy is doing a special ''Lost'' tribute on Sunday night. He told Jimmy to tell Matthew Fox to grow up about not wanting to do TV anymore. Jimmy's show is on at 12:05am every week night.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Robin was upset about not being invited to Jimmy's party. He said he thinks that Robin wanted to be there and the rest of the guys from the show too. Jimmy said he didn't think that anyone would come out from New York to be at the party. Howard said he was just going out there to have a party at Jimmy's house and Robin wasn't going to be there. Robin said she could have flown out there. Jimmy said she would have been welcome there too. The guy was going on and on about that.
Howard said that John Stamos had a weird move at the party. He said John walked up to him and said he was talking to Rickles and he's apparently pissed off for not being invited. Howard said he never even thought Don Rickles would want to be at a party like that. Howard said he told John he barely knows the guy and he'd never think about inviting him. Howard said John should have told him about that and he would have invited him. Jimmy didn't think that Don would be comfortable there. He said that it was loud music and it might not have been that fun for the guy. Jimmy said he didn't want to put him in an uncomfortable position.
Jimmy said he got bummed out by that Rickles thing. Howard said he thinks they did the right thing. He said that John may have spoken to Rickles and that's how he found out about it.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Jimmy had given Beth anal yet. He said they're getting awfully close. Jimmy said he hasn't given her anal yet. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard took another call from a woman who said that she wanted to find out what the ratings were with Beth on that night. Jimmy said they got good ratings that night. Exceptionally good. He said that nipples sell.
Howard said that Stone Temple Pilots are back together again. He said he's not sure how they get along because he thought they hated each other. The guys came in and said that they broke up again. Howard said they broke up in the green room but they're reforming in the studio.
Howard said he's got to hear this story. He said the last time he spoke to Scott Weiland he said he was never going to get back together with the band again. Scott said he said that you never know what's going to happen in the future. He said he was with Velvet Revolver at the time and he knew that when they were finished touring that they'd give it a try. He said that he got a call from Dean who said they were offered a lot of money to play a certain festival show. Scott said it was around a million bucks to play one show. That brought them to their senses.
Howard said that you never leave money on the table. He said that the odds of becoming a great band like they are is small so they have to cash in. Scott said they he told Slash about this and Slash was fine with it. Howard said that's because Slash is used to being left behind.
Scott said that things were getting bad with Velvet Revolver. Howard said that they must have made Stone Temple Pilots seem tame. Scott said that things were bad for their management. He said it was great until it wasn't great. Howard read some quotes from Duff who said that it was getting really bad toward the end.
Howard said that Velvet Revolver must have taught Scott a lesson. The other guys said that it did. Howard said that Velvet Revolver must be dead without Scott. Scott said they aren't a band anymore.
Howard said that Scott holds the power to the band. Scott said that the front man does get most of the attention but sometimes the bands can go on. They mentioned Van Halen and AC/DC as a couple of examples.
Jimmy asked what it was that was driving them apart. Scott said in the beginning of Velvet Revolver he was still doing dope and the rest of the guys were clean. Scott said it was a good kind of support system for him. He said that he went into rehab. He said he still drinks but doesn't do the drugs. He said he doesn't miss it either. Scott said he doesn't miss the anxiety. Howard asked the guys if they thinks he's easier to work with now. One of the guys said ''Hell no!''
Howard said the guys are there to promote their new album ''Stone Temple Pilots.'' Howard read that they were recording the songs in different countries so they didn't have to record together. The guys said that wasn't quite true. They do get together to do the music. They said that they do the arrangements together. Scott can get overwhelmed with it all so they do the arrangement and then Scott will write the lyrics. Scott said it's not that big of a deal.
Howard asked the guys if they can tell Scott he's not singing the right way. Scott said they can do that and he will try it out. Sometimes it's better. The guys said that you have to check your ego at the door when you're in a band. Howard said he was in a band over the weekend and there were a lot of egos in the room at the time. He said he understands all of this.
Howard said he heard a wild story about Scott. He said he heard that Scott had gotten a massage while his wife was in labor. He was on a table right next to her. Scott said that's not true. He said his wife wrote that book and only let him read select things. He said that wasn't a true story. Scott said that what really happened was different. He said the labor was really long that day and they were ordering food from Jerry's Deli and they had a friend who used to give them massages. He said he called her up and asked her to come to the hospital. He said that she wasn't having the baby at the time. Scott said he didn't get a happy ending from her. Howard said that would have been too much.
Jimmy said that this was the greatest thing he's ever heard. He said his wife was upset that he was watching Candid Camera while she was in labor. If he had gotten a massage he would have been stabbed in the throat.
Howard said he loves Scott and he's glad that they're back together again. He thought it was over for them. He said that they're the greatest band, or at least one of the top 5 ever. Howard said it's a wonderful thing. The guys said that Jimmy actually helped get them back together. Jimmy didn't even know he had done that. He said he's like a power broker.
Howard said Scott seems like an easy guy to get along with. Scott said he didn't get a chance to say earlier that things in Velvet Revolver fell apart and the things that inspired him in the beginning weren't there in the end. Jimmy guessed that maybe they were weren't sober. Scott said that he did not say that. He wanted to make that clear.
Robin said that she went to see the guys perform once and they weren't able to get Scott out of his dressing room. Scott said that they did a tour with a band whose name he couldn't remember. Robin said that Scott wouldn't come out of his dressing room, that's all she knew.
Howard asked Scott if he's going to show up for his shows and not lock himself in the green room. Scott said they are going on tour. Howard said he saw an STP show one time that was one of the greatest things he's ever seen. Howard said it reminded him of concerts from years ago. Robin said they are great. She told a story about one night she saw and how Scott was puking and got right back into singing.
Howard asked Scott if he's married. Scott said he's not married anymore. He said that he goes right form the stage to his bus but he has had some fun with some girls. Howard asked if a girl can go to a concert and bang one of the guys. Howard asked Dean, Robert and Eric if they can get laid. Dean said he's up for light conversation. He's not married. Dean said that girls or boys can come back stage and talk to him. Scott said that's what broke up the band. Dean said he's actually into girls. Howard said Scott has made out with dudes before. Scott said it was probably Dean. He said he's planted one right on his lips before. Howard asked Eric and Robert what was up. Eric is married. Robert said he's taken too.
Howard gave the guys a plug for their new album which is coming out on May 25th. Howard asked if it was hard for the guys to call Scott to get back together. They said it wasn't a big deal. One of the guys was saying that they never lost contact and never lost that brotherly love they had for each other. Howard asked how long it'll be before it all falls apart again. Scott said it's not that. He said the question is how long can they write songs and make music and feel valid. Howard said if he puts it that way he'll say 7 months. The guys said that was over their estimation.
Howard asked if there's pressure on the guys with this album. They said they're not. Howard said it's tough to sell records now. Scott said that's true unless you're a country star. Howard said it's sad that you have to go on American Idol to get attention now. Howard asked if they would go on American Idol. Scott said no.
Howard played some of the new album and played a little bit of ''Between the Lines'' and said he'd tell them if he was getting a good vibe. Howard liked that. He said he didn't know where to look while the song played. He said it was weird looking at the guys while playing their music. Howard then played some of ''Hickory Dichotomy.'' He said he liked that one too. Howard said that should be the single. Scott said ''Between the Lines'' has been number one for the past few weeks so he's pretty sure that was the right single to put out.
Howard said that the guys should get a psychologist for them. Scott said they tried that once. Scott said it was a ridiculous amount of money. It was like $30,000. Scott said what they decided was when they communicate with each other they get along great. When they don't, that's when things go wrong. Howard asked Scott if he thinks it's him or them. Scott said this happens with any band. He said it's not just them.
Howard asked if they have ever spoken to other bands about how they do it. They said they have. They talked to Peter Frampton who is a solo guy. The guys said that they know each other better than they know their own families. Howard said that's why it's sad when they don't work out. Howard said he should be their therapist.
Howard said they should stick with this. There's nothing better. He said they have to work out their problems and don't make out with each other. He said that they should go in, work, and then go home and relax. Howard said they have the greatest thing in the world going. He said if they can't write new songs, just play the old stuff.
Scott said they agree with him but he's 42 and the first time they were in there he was like 24-25. He said that your life becomes way more complicated. Scott said being in the band is part of their lives but there is more to it.
Jimmy asked Scott if he knows that as an addict that he can't still drink. Scott said that most people can't but he actually is able to do it. He hasn't had one craving to do dope since he stopped. He said that was 7 and a half years ago. He said when his brother died and he got divorced it was a 3 month coke bender. He said that was 3 years ago.
Howard asked the guys if they would like Scott to quit drinking too. They said that they want Scott to do whatever he wants to do. They're not going to tell him what to do.
Howard told Scott if he ever has another kid, don't get a massage. Scot said he's not having anymore kids. He has two kids now and he loves them more than anything in the world but he doesn't want to have more.
One of the guys said that he used to listen to Howard and Robin in the mornings on WNBC in like 1981. He said that they've really been at this for a long time. He said it's beautiful that they're still together after all this time. Howard said that they've managed to keep it all together. Howard told Scott he has the power to keep it all together.
Scott told Howard a story about seeing some strange lights in the sky while he was on the bus. He said that he and the bus driver both saw the lights. He said he was straight at the time too. Scott said they just disappeared. He said you never know what it could have been. Jimmy asked what the other guys thought it was. Howard said they thought it was just a McDonald's the passed. Scott said that his driver saw it too. Howard said that driver is in Creedmore now, right? Fred played some Close Encounters sound effects as Howard was wrapping up with the guys.
Scott said that the guys came up with the name of the band from an Aztec temple. He said that Eric had read something about this thing and he said it looked like an astronaut that was called a Stone Temple Pilot. Howard said he doesn't believe there is life anywhere else in the universe. He said this is the only planet with life. Scott said that's kind of a selfish way to think. Howard said he is selfish.
Robin said all of the guys were giving the Vulcan sign. Howard said he knows there will be ups and downs on the road but he wants them to stay together. He said he'll do an intervention if he has to. Howard said Scott behaves around him and he's not sure why. He said he must be like a father figure or something. Howard asked if he's afraid of him. Scott said he's definitely not afraid. Scott said Howard has treated them with respect from the first time they were on the show. Scott said that everyone there does that and it's fun being there. He said Howard is a good guy. Howard gave them another plug for the new album and their web site StoneTemplePilots.com. They went to break after that.
Howard said he was reading the Enquirer about Tom Bergeron and the many jobs he has. He said the guy is good at being an announcer. Howard said they hired this Brooke Burke to be his co-host and she's the world's worst announcer. Howard said he didn't like the last girl either. He said she read her lines horribly. Howard said Tom Bergeron has been trying to help this Brooke Burke and she's telling him to fuck off. Howard said she'd be wise to listen to Tom. Howard said people like the guy and he's had a long career. Howard said he does announcing and he's good. He is the host of that show too. Howard said he watches these shows and she can not talk. She has to look at a script to ask a question.
Howard had some audio of Brooke Burke on Rockstar Supernova and she was awful doing her announces on there. Howard said she should listen to Tom Bergeron.
Howard said they have to talk to their new Miss Howard TV. He said he was on her web site last night and she didn't have her top off even though it's a pay site. Howard said it's like a $25 web site.
Irish John called in and said that the show has been awesome this week. He said it's only Tuesday and they have A-list guests already. John also said that High Pitch Eric calls Jimmy's show a lot and he wondered if Jimmy ever picked up. Jimmy said he used to but he kind of gave up on that.
High Pitch was on the phone so Howard asked why he stopped calling. Eric said that they won't put him through to Jimmy anymore. Eric asked how long he was going to be in town because he wanted him to stop by the Hard Rock to visit. Howard wondered what the hell Eric has in his mouth. Eric said he just woke up.
Howard told Jimmy about Eric having this job greeting people. Jimmy said ''Oh my god...'' to that. Eric said he would quit that job if he could work on his show. Howard said that Eric is their mascot over at the Hard Rock. He's known as ''Mr. Germ.'' Jimmy said he's trying to think of a worse job for Eric and he can't think of one. Howard said that it's like hiring Eric to be a receptionist. Jimmy said maybe they have too many customers and they're trying to thin them out.
Howard said he was way behind so he had to let Eric go. He said that the ''twat cream'' prank call was the best. He didn't have time to play it though.
Howard asked Corin if she would go out with Jimmy if he asked. She said she would. Howard said that Jimmy could have had this chick. She just graduated from college last week. Howard asked what her major was. It was Biology. Jimmy asked why she was there in a bikini.
Howard asked Corin about her web site and why she doesn't show any tittie. She said that's right. Howard asked why she's covered up and why she charges $25 a month. She said that people recognize her name from the Playboy stuff she does but she doesn't want to do anything nude with anyone other than Playboy. She said she has like 100 or more people subscribing and she gets about 30 a week signing up.
Howard asked Corin why she started the web site. Corin said she just wanted to start the site for people who wanted to see what she was up to. She said she'd rather have them get to know her but not see her naked. Jimmy said she could get a lot more subscribers if she was naked. She said that's true but sometimes people would reject to that. She said that she thinks that it could hold her back if she gets into the medical field. Jimmy said he can't imagine that being a negative. Howard said she could brag about it instead. Corin wants to be a physician's assistant so she thinks that could be a problem.
Howard asked if Corin has a boyfriend. She said that she doesn't at this moment. She said that the guy she was dating broke up because he didn't have enough time for her. She said that he's out on a cigarette marketing promotion thing. Howard said that's total bullshit. He said cigarettes make money hand over fist. She said she knew it was bullshit too.
Howard said he heard that Gange was trying to work his magic on her already. Corin didn't seem to know who he was. Howard told her it's the big, fat guy that works there. Gange came in and said that he didn't do anything out of his job title. Gange asked her if she would date his type. She said she would because she doesn't really have a type.
Howard said there is no reason for Gange to be there today other than to see the new Miss Howard TV. Howard said that someone else could do it. Howard said Gange hasn't banged one Miss Howard TV yet. Gange thanked him for pointing that out.
Howard asked Corin if she had a problem with her boyfriend smoking and promoting the smoking. She said she didn't because people sometimes have a problem with her doing what she does.
Howard said Chris Costa is the guy who shoots the Miss Howard TV stuff but Gange has to be there. Gange said that he doesn't have to be there but Howard doesn't want to talk to Chris Costa who he doesn't even know. Howard said he would rather talk to Chris actually.
Howard asked Corin some questions about sex and found out that she's had a couple of first nighters with guys. She has also tried anal. She said she knows a lot of people who have. Howard said that Robin has tried it too. Robin asked why she has to be brought into these conversation.
Corin said that you have to prep for anal and a lot of people don't know that. Howard asked what the prep is. Corin said that you have to open it up and make sure there's nothing in there. She said that you should go to the bathroom ahead of time. Howard said that she should demonstrate on Jimmy. Fred played a bunch of fart sounds while they talked about that.
Howard asked Corin how she prepares if it's a last minute thing. Corin said it's usually something that she prepares for so nothing weird happens. She said she's heard some freak stories.
Howard said it sounds like she dos a lot of prepping. Howard asked how many times she's done it. She said she's done it maybe 5 times. Howard asked if she uses K-Y when she does that. Corin said that she doesn't like the K-Y because it's sticky. She said she likes a Doc Johnson product that isn't so sticky. Robin said that she sounds like a real fan of anal. Howard said Robin did it with a guy in San Francisco without lube.
Howard gave Corin a plug for her web site CorinRiggsOnline.com and wrapped up with her after she showed Jimmy her ass. Howard said Gange follows all of these girls around and he never gets any of them. Mike said that he did hook up with one of them. He didn't want to say who it was. Gange said that it was just once though. Howard asked if they weren't into each other. Gange said that it was one of those drunken night things. Howard said maybe it'll happen again.
Gange said that this girl got naked in the cab and the cab driver was going to drive them to a police station. He said that the guy started yelling at her to put her clothes back on. Gange said he had to convince the guy not to get them arrested. Gange said that they were drunk and fooling around in the cab. He didn't know why the cab driver got so upset.
Howard asked Gange what happened. Gange said he got her dressed and took her to another bar. He said that she got naked there too and then they went back to her place. He said that he banged her and left while she was still sleeping. He said she might have a boyfriend now but at the time she didn't. Gange said that she probably doesn't remember it because they were so drunk. Gange said that everything was a blur by the time they did that.
Howard wished Gange good luck with this new girl. Gange said they've had like 30 girls now and he only got one.
Jimmy told Howard he forgot to tell Howard that he threw up a little in his mouth as they were coming back to New York. He said that he swallowed it because he didn't want to puke in front of Howard. Jimmy said he got sick in the car too but he held it until Howard and Beth got out of the car. Once they were out he opened the other side of the car and puked onto the street. Howard said jimmy isn't a very healthy guy and he needs to get some help.
Howard said Jimmy has sleeping problems and stuff too. He has to take medication for narcolepsy. Jimmy gets sick on planes, boats and even in cars. Howard said he was fine on the plane. He said that it was kind of comforting having Jimmy on the plane. Jimmy said he was sweating on his neck and stuff.
Howard said he got an iPad but he's not sure what to do with it. He said Ashton and Demi gave it to him. Howard said he's not sure what to do with it though. Howard said he doesn't know how to set it up.
Gary came in and said that you have to plug it into your computer and hook it up with iTunes and then you can go online. Jimmy said he loves his iPad.
Howard said that Jimmy is doing a special show on Sunday night for the ''Lost'' finale. He gave him a plug for that and then went to break.
Jimmy said that he didn't know how many hand gestures Steve did while he does these news previews. He asked Steve if he would do a story on Howard if he found out he was fucking Zach Efron. Howard said that he actually killed that story already. Howard said they never ask him about anything they report on. He said that he doesn't get the chance to stop them from doing stories.
Steve said they have a story about Kevin Metheney talking about Howard and how he was in on the Pig Virus name. Howard said that Kevin is impossible to listen to. He heard some of the Podcast he was saying this stuff on. Howard said that the guy is such an elitist too. He said that he was ready to shoot himself listening to that guy. He said it reminded him of working with him. Howard said he wasn't going to play any of this Podcast but he will do that just to show how awful the guy is. He said he'll do that tomorrow.
Steve said they have a story about Jeff the Drunk and his brother and how they're not getting along. Jeff thought his brother was going to move out but now he wants to stay. Jeff is trying to get him to leave by walking around naked and cursing all the time. Steve also got in a plug for Jackie's Joke Hunt and Riley Martin's show.
Ralph called in and said that he wasn't bad mouthing Jimmy about the iPad. He said that he just thinks he has too many apps. He told Howard that he has iTunes on his computer too so he can hook up his iPad to his computer and get that going. Ralph said you just hook up the cable and it sets everything up. Howard said he'll call him later to talk to him about that.
Ralph asked who the hottest chick was at Jimmy's party. Howard said that they were all hot. He said that Stamos was the hottest chick there and he knows it. Howard said he took in every minute of him out there. Howard said there were so many hot chicks there he couldn't pick. Howard said he'd have to pick his wife. Howard said he doesn't know what to say. Jimmy said it is tough. Jimmy said there were a lot of hot ones. Stamos had a hot chick with him. Howard said he didn't want to say.
Ralph asked who the hottest guy was. Howard said it was a toss up between Stamos, Kutcher and Phillippe. He said even Mark McGrath had a great ass.
Ralph asked Howard to do an F, Marry, Kill with Jillian, Demi and Courteney. Howard just told Ralph Courteney was the hottest chick there. He said he may have seen some panty on her while she was drumming. Howard said she's hot. Jimmy noticed that he's not saying ''Courteney Cock'' anymore. Ralph said that it's all falling apart now that he's in with these people. Howard said that he has to stop going out to Hollywood. Howard said that Courteney was the hottest after his wife.
Ralph wanted him to do the F, Marry, Kill. Howard said that he'd marry Demi and maybe kill Jillian. He said her heart will be broken. Howard said he'll kill her by fucking her. Howard said that he'd fuck Courteney. He said this was all ridiculous and he had to go.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He ran down the list of things they had to talk about today. That led to them talking about Jimmy's vomit story and how he got sick on a boat one time when he was out whale watching with his daughter. Jimmy said there were like 350 people on the boat and he was the only one vomiting. He said that some other father had to take his daughter to whale watch.
Howard had Jeff the Drunk on the phone so he asked him why he's so mad at his brother. Jeff said he's a dick head and he never takes him out shopping and he's just a mother fucking asshole. Jeff said that he's stuck in his room all the time now that he's moved in. He said his brother is paying half the rent but he doesn't have any freedom there. He said he's a loser and a user and a douche bag. Howard said he should just drive the trailer to another location when his brother leaves. Jeff said that the trailer is all of the kids. He said that he can't just take it. Jeff said his brother is a douche bag and everyone should tell him that. Jeff said his bother's girlfriend is a dumb bitch too.
Howard said that Howard TV will pay to do a reality show with him as long as his brother is in it. Jeff said they won't go for that. Howard said that would be a great show. Jeff said it's not happening.
Jimmy asked what his brother's name is. He said it's Scott. Jimmy said it could be Scott the Drunk and Jeff the Drunk. Howard said he loves that there's a guy who can drive Jeff nuts. Howard said that Jeff is the most selfish and insensitive person on the planet but he's irked by this guy.
Doug Goodstein came in and said that he'll pay Jeff's rent for 6 months if he lets them do this. Jeff said no. He said Scott won't do it.
Howard told Jon to finish up so they could finish up and get out of there. Jon ran down a few more things and then Howard did a quick live commercial.
Robin read a story about David Arquette going to a Lakers game and helping a security guard who was being attacked by a fan. Robin said she thought that David was the one attacking the guy but it turns out he was just helping. Robin read the details of that story and David just got caught up in the whole thing.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she was the woman who was yelling out in the TMZ video of him out in Los Angeles. She said that it was her sister in law who touched her on the back too. She said they tried to get to Jimmy's house too but the guys there were very mean to them. Howard said that they should have just let her in, right? Jimmy said that some guy from Carvel showed up at his house saying he wanted to bring some cakes to the party. He said that he would have shot him if he had the chance. He said these people are unbelievable. The caller, Angie, said they were just trying to see Howard and say hi. She said that the autograph seeker guys were scary. Jimmy said that's probably what they said about her. Howard said if he had known it was her in front of Jimmy's house he would have brought her in. He was just kidding of course.
Robin read some news about Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren. She said that she's taking a class down in Florida. Howard said that would be an amazing class. He said he'd have to ask to see her after class if he was the teacher.
Howard said that this Elin is going to have a lot of money so she must be taking money management classes. Robin used that same joke a minute later. Howard said that Elin is hot. He said it must be a crazy scene when she shows up to class. Jimmy said that Elin has to find someone to really drive Tiger crazy. He said that Phil Mickelson or Arnold Palmer might be good.
Robin read about Jenny McCarthy and Jim Carrey breaking up. Howard said he knew that wasn't going to work out. Robin said that Jenny is apparently tweeting about going out with some mystery man. She claims she doesn't even know the guy's name but she's made out with him twice. Howard said she's back to being the old Jenny McCarthy and maybe she'll come back on the show. Howard said Jenny once told him that she would have hooked up with him when he was single. He said that would have been cool. Robin said it sounds like he regrets it. Howard said he doesn't really regret it. Robin said that's what it sounds like to her. Howard did a quick live commercial after that.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about some airport employees who ran over two of John Travolta's dogs. The driver and his dog walker were unhurt. Robin said this was up at the Bangor, Maine airport. Howard said he read that he has a house up there in Maine. He has some weird little spot up there that he visits. Howard said he finds it hard to believe that Travolta knows what he's doing when he's flying. Jimmy said he wouldn't want Vinnie Barberino flying his plane. Howard said Jimmy is a big fan of Welcome Back Kotter. He still has his childhood Welcome Back Kotter lunch box in his house. Jimmy said he used that when he was like 6 years old.
Ralph called in and asked Howard who he wished he had banged before he met Beth. He asked if it was Jenny McCarthy, Carmen Electra, Pam Anderson or Jillian Barberie. Howard said Jenny would have been great. He said that Carmen would have been great too.
Howard said he and Beth have to keep their dog cool in the apartment but he's always cold at home. He said they do it just for the dog but he wants to be warm in the summer.
Robin read a story about Roman Polanski and how Woody Allen is still defending him. Robin said that Roman is claiming that he's suffered for years since all of this happened and he's had a hard life. Robin said the girl involved doesn't want anything to happen to him either. Jimmy said they probably paid her off.
Robin read a story about President Obama and his wife and how much money they're making. Robin said that they have $250,000-$500,000 in their bank account. Robin said they don't give exact amounts but that's the range it's in.
Howard said he thinks that Jimmy is rich. He has original Welcome Back Kotter merchandise. Jimmy said he's saving up for the thermos. That led to them talking about Gabe Kaplan and how he went on to become a professional gambler.
Robin read some stories about bad foods. That led to Howard saying he was getting hungry hearing that. Robin said she only eats ''real food.'' Jimmy said he was thinking about Robin coming out to do his show and wondered where they would go out to eat. Howard said Robin will eat before hand and then order a salad at dinner. Howard said Robin will just drink. Robin won't eat any animal products. She drinks most of her food too. Howard said there must be some place to drink your meal out there in Los Angeles.
Robin read a story about Will Smith and his family being on Oprah. She said they learned a lot about them on the show. Robin said that will was claiming that they encourage their kids to work hard. Robin had Howard play some audio of Will talking about how the kids aren't rich, mommy and daddy are. He said they encourage the kids to do stuff and not just sit around. Howard said they're kids, they should be allowed to sit around. Robin had some clips of Jada Pinkett Smith talking about their life too. She was saying that she always surprises Will to keep things fresh. Their son was talking about how he's a good kisser. Howard said that kid isn't that old. He said he probably ate out Oprah on the show.
Robin had a story about a Miss USA contestant who was the runner up in the contest. Robin said that she doesn't think that she was sunk because of a question she answered about the immigration laws in Arizona. Robin had some audio of that question being asked.
Robin had some audio of Antonio Banderes talking about playing a part in the Shrek movies. Howard said he was falling asleep listening to that guy. Robin had a couple of clips to play but Howard wanted to get out of there. He said maybe he'll play them tomorrow. They ended the show around 11:20am.
Jon said he wanted to talk about Benjy and how Howard told him that he's making him look like an asshole. Jon said this comes up every 6 months or so and now Howard is making threats. He's threatening to take away the free breakfast he gets from Howard TV. Gary said he was glad it took place on the air and not in the back. He said Jimmy made a good point when he came in and said that Howard should have some kind of middle ground. Gary said Jimmy is able to bring someone in and dress them down himself.
Jon said Jimmy was talking about how his family sets an example for the other people over there at his show. when they see family members behaving they tend to behave.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Benjy was there. Jon said he wasn't but he shows up late to this show like he shows up late to Howard's show. Jon said they'll have to see if he shows up.
The caller said he does drywall and paint and he hates his job and he shows up every day on time. He said that Benjy has the best job in the world and he's showing up late. Gary said that the person who lives the closes always ends up being late. Jon said that it starts with Howard getting there really early and so does everyone else other than Benjy. Jon said that they need to give him a real consequence to get it through to him.
Jon lives about 30 miles away from work. Gary said he's about 35 and Jason is across the river. They can all get there on time. Gary said Stuttering John was always late when he was there and he'd always have an excuse. Gary said that he used to try to talk to John about that but he could never get through to him.
Gary asked Jon if he thinks that punctuality says a lot about a person. Jon said that it does. Gary said that it's a good thing when you show up on time or early.
Another caller said he has a problem with Howard not firing Benjy. He said that he disrespects Howard when he doesn't listen to Howard. He seems to think that the threats aren't real. Gary said he gets there around 5:25 or 5:30 and then other guys start showing up and Howard comes in. He said they pitch stuff to Howard before the show. He said that Benjy will probably show up at 5:45 tomorrow which will be odd. That time will get later and later though until he starts showing up late again.
The caller said that Benjy might think it's a joke now but he has to think about his future. Gary said that Benjy has to do some wacky things, he's a writer for the Howard Stern Show. He said Benjy will have to deal with his future employers.
Jon said that they should just send him home and maybe that would work. He has heard that being done to other people. Gary said that might work. They had to take a break after that.
Jon said that Benjy came in so they asked him about the threat of taking away his breakfast. Gary asked Benjy if they threatened to send him home, would that work on him. Benjy said he already goes ''holy shit'' when Howard goes off on him so he's not sure that would be any worse.
Fred said that he's always surprised when Benjy shows up late. He said that it shouldn't be that hard to get there on time. He said they start the show after 6 usually. Benjy said that when he gets there the music and bits are usually playing.
Fred said that you're either late or you're not. Benjy said there are different degrees of a crime though. Fred laughed. Jon said that Howard thinks Benjy should be there and Howard seems to think that he's disresepcting him by doing this over and over.
Benjy said that he has a reputation and this explodes into something big. He said that he's not late all the time, he just has that reputation. He said it doesn't become an issue with anyone else. Gary said that's because it doesn't happen with other people repeatedly.
Gary said that Benjy sometimes barely makes it in on time and that pisses Howard off. He said that wouldn't be in his head if he just came in early. Gary said Benjy will end up coming in early for a couple of days and then he'll start coming in later and later.
Fred asked Benjy how often he shows up late. Benjy said that's not a fair question. Fred said he's been late twice. Gary said he gets in a little late once in a while but he's still there before the show starts. Gary said that he came in really late a couple of times but he's only been late maybe 4 or 5 times. Jon said he's never been late.
Jon said he has never cheated on his wife either. Benjy asked how many times he's lied. Jon said that's countless.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that no one else takes advantage of Howard other than Benjy. The guys said that they don't think that Benjy is doing this on purpose. Fred said that he's doing something that's making him late and he doesn't seem to see that.
Fred said that someone floated an OCD rumor. Gary said that was Stuttering John. Fred wondered if that's what's going on with Benjy too.
Gary said that he thought it was interesting with the dynamic of what was going on when Stone Temple Pilots were in there. Gary said that Jimmy said something that was right on the money about Scott. He said that Jimmy said that it was really weird that Scott thinks that he can drink while other people can't. Fred said that's an addict's answer and he's not facing up to his problems.
The guys talked about Jimmy's party for Howard. They talked about how he doesn't seem to get how much juice he has out there. Gary said he seemed to be more star struck than they were by him. Gary said he gets that though.
Jon said Jimmy was talking about how Molly might want to have kids some day and how that's going to affect Howard. Gary said that he imagines that they'll never see Howard's house again if they do have a kid. Gary said that Tim Stack was in town once and they went to commercial break. He said Howard asked Tim about what he was up to and Tim asked if he could bring his kids and Howard paused for like 4 seconds and said ''no.'' He said it was really uncomfortable. Gary said he thinks that Howard has had enough of the kids and he doesn't want them at his house. He said that if they're having a grown up party at the house they may not want kids being there.
Jon asked about Jimmy vomiting out of the car after Howard and Beth got out of the limo. Gary wondered how he was able to wait to throw up. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about how Benjy was there on time. Robin said Lisa G was here early to make sure he showed up on time. Howard asked Benjy what he did differently to get there on time. Benjy said he left earlier. Robin asked how innovating that was. Howard said everyone has been late at one time or another but this was getting chronic with Benjy. Howard said it wouldn't be bad for Benjy to know what they have their meeting about before the show today.
Howard asked Benjy why he didn't come in for the meeting. He was busy eating an orange so Howard asked why he was doing that instead of listening to him. Benjy said he was hungry. Howard said he's got so much lard on him and he still has to eat. Benjy said he asked someone and the orange is ''real.'' Robin said that Benjy isn't doing anything for his hunger by eating that first thing in the morning. Howard said he has a whole trough coming through during the morning. Robin said he doesn't know that orange is real either.
Gary said he thinks that Russell might be the catch because he can have some shitty movies and still get work. He said if you have a shitty record then you're pretty much done.
Gary got his balls busted for not paying attention to the conversation that Howard and Robin were having. He was talking about someone Robin had compared Katy to and that led to him being goofed on. Fred played the Curly from the Three Stooges ''I'm tryin' to think but nothin' happens'' clip over and over.
Howard said he got an iPad from Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore and it's the top of the line one. He said it's a 64 gig Wi-Fi and 3D unit. Gary told him that's the $899 unit. Howard said he was staring at it yesterday. Gary told him how much it was so Howard was watching him type with one finger in his office and continued to goof on him.
Howard said he got the iPad out to set it up and he's not an Apple guy. He said that it does seem like a cool interface. He said it took a while to register the thing. He said Ralph had to come over and help him out. He said it wasn't so easy. He had to give his credit card to the iTunes store and it took forever. Howard said it finally took the information and he couldn't even tell if it was working or not. Howard said his system has all kinds of firewalls and stuff so he can't even get his email. He said he's thinking of just going to regular email so he doesn't have to have all of this security.
Howard said he wasn't even able to get in his own Wi-Fi so he had to go on his guest Wi-Fi. He said it must be so hidden he wasn't even able to find it. He said he spent hours setting this fucker up. Once it was set up it was pretty cool. Robin said she saw one and it was pretty cool.
Howard said the NY Times was delivered to his iPad this morning so that was kind of cool. He said he's not sure how it's doing. He wondered if it was a huge success or a mediocre success. Robin said she doesn't think it's like the iPhone. Howard said it was kind of cool to watch ABC shows and look at pictures on it. He said he's going to show Beth some of her Jimmy Kimmel appearance on it.
Robin mentioned that Beth was posting about that stuff on her Facebook account. Howard said he had to drop a bunch of people from his Facebook account. He said he let some people on there that went to school with him. Howard said he had to drop them because they were making shitty comments on his page. Howard said this one guy was pointing out some mistakes he made about his first grade information. He said it was really shitty comments so he had to unfriend him. Howard said people would get upset with him when he didn't go to his third grade reunion. Howard said third grade sucked donkey dick so he wasn't going to go. Howard said he has some friends form elementary school so that's kind of cool. He said there were some shady and nasty people back then so he doesn't want them to be his friends on Facebook. Howard said he does like staying in touch with some of the guys though.
Howard said he likes to talk about the good times with some of the guys. He said he likes remembering the fun times. He said he gets sucked in to see how people are looking. Robin said she doesn't do that. Robin said she hasn't found a soul from her school days.
Howard said he likes that he can get together with the old friends that he liked. Howard said he's friends with Chris Booker and his girlfriend. Howard said there are some strangers that might have a problem with him so he got rid of those people. He said it got kind of weird. Howard said he started getting bad mouthed for not being in this ''fast track'' thing in school. He said the guy who was writing to him was never in the top tier either. Howard said he was in it for a couple of years in school. Howard said he doesn't even know this guy.
Robin's phone was going off and it wasn't even in her booth and they could hear it. Robin said it won't go off until she turns it off either. Howard told her to go turn it off.
Howard said there are some people he'd like to get in touch with on Facebook but he can't find some of them. Howard said he wants to talk to people he went to camp with and old girlfriend's. He said he can't find any of them. He said he likes to see what a mess they are now.
Howard said he searches people all the time. Howard said he wanted to get one girl to join Facebook but he can't find her. He said he wants his first girlfriend to be on there. He said her name was Irene. He said he dated another girl named Irene but that was the one who left him for a guy with a bigger penis. Howard said he searches for girls he had sex with and people like that.
Howard said he gets annoyed with everyone on Facebook. He said his sister posts pictures of everything on there. He said that annoys him. Howard said he could make his page interesting with pictures and video but it would only be for the 9 people he's friends with.
Howard said he doesn't put any effort into his page but then he gets mad at other people who don't put effort into theirs. Robin said there are a lot of people who don't like it now and they're trying to get people to join other sites.
Howard said those guys are so brilliant and they're his heroes. Howard said that they can look at a piece of paper and see a whole game in their heads. Howard said they can remember all of the moves in their heads and not even see the board.
Howard said Magnus wasn't saying anything. He was just sitting there. Howard said he tried talking to Magnus and he would just grunt and laugh. Howard said he's only 19 and he's very shy. Howard said Garry said it was his first time in New York. Howard said he told Magnus to go out and get 3 women pregnant but he didn't say anything. Howard said he took a picture with the guys and he'd like to get a copy but he's not even sure who took the picture.
Howard said Garry was very much a talker. He said he was the politician of the three. Howard said it was great to meet the three of them. Howard said Scott Greenstein had no idea what was going on either. He said that Scott was probably thinking about his lunch. He said he doesn't think that anyone knew what anyone else was talking about. Tim Sabean was there too but he had no clue what was going on either. He was fascinated with what they were talking about but he was clueless.
Howard said he hopes they do something with the chess guys. He said they could hire them and get a few more subscribers. He said it was thrilling for him to sit in the room with those guys even though they didn't know what they were saying.
Howard said he told Kasparov they should go down to the park and play some games and win some money. He said Kasparov was telling him to put an ear piece in and they'd play some games.
Howard said he heard that Karpov is playing a big game or something soon. Benjy had some details about that but Howard said he really had no idea about what it was he was talking about. Howard said he doesn't follow all of that stuff.
Howard said he figured the guys don't like to talk about chess all the time when it's all they do for a living. Howard said that he sat in there for like a half hour before he got out of there. Howard said most of the people in the building probably didn't know who they were. Howard said he might have to move on to something other than chess. He said he might have to work on his guitar playing instead.
Howard said when he was out in L.A. He was a little rusty playing guitar. Howard said the people who play chess aren't quite like the people who were at Jimmy's house out there. Howard said there was no special chess room out there at Jimmy's house. He said he would have preferred that so he could have beaten everyone.
Howard said chess isn't good for getting laid. He said Stamos has it right with playing drums and staying away from chess. Howard said he has to work on that too.
Howard said he got Ozzy's new CD and he ripped it to put it on the iPad. He said you can go on iTunes or Netflix and download movies. Howard said the keyboard is difficult to use. He said it corrects what you type but it's really not fun to type on.
Howard said Ralph must have the greasiest fingers because the screen gets all covered with fingerprints. He said it's kind of gross but it is very cool. He said he thinks that it is the future. He said the battery lasts a long time too.
Robin said she might have to drag around a computer if she wants to type on it. The caller said that she could get a dock with a keyboard on it. Howard said he's right about that.
Howard said he went on the Marvel web site and he wanted to read the comic books on the iPad. He said Ralph told him about the Marvel web site and how they have some free stuff there. Howard said he wanted Spider-Man but they weren't free. He said he had to pay $1.99 for them. He said that was fine so he went shopping. He bought one and it said he had to fill out something. Howard said he had to register to buy the comic book. Howard said he tried to do it but it wasn't easy enough. Howard said he got all free shit and didn't buy anything. He said he wanted to buy shit and he couldn't do it.
Robin said that's the way the internet is all the time. She said she heard there are 200,000 apps on there already. Howard said most of them are bullshit. He said the ABC app is cool because you can watch TV shows on there. He said he was able to see Beth on Jimmy Kimmel in seconds. Robin said she wasn't able to see Beth on the Today Show. She was searching all over for it and wasn't able to find it.
Howard said Ellen works fine on her own show but on Idol she looks so uncomfortable. He said she just doesn't fit in. He wondered if he's crazy. He said she looks like everyone wants to just throw her out of there. Howard said the judges picked songs and Ellen picked ''Maybe I'm Amazed'' and gave that to Crystal Bowersox. Howard said Simon said it was a good song choice and she got this look on her face like she had accomplished something.
Ronnie came in and told Howard about some moments he noticed on the show with Ellen and how odd it was. He said it's almost like the other people on the show don't even want her there. He said she's very strange.
Howard said he's heard that Ellen is a maniac to work with. He said she looks really wound tight. Ronnie told him to go back and check out some of the show that he was talking about. Howard said he heard she's nuts and mean to her staff. He wondered how she keeps it together on the air like that. Robin said they just lie.
Howard asked Robin if she's been following this story about the attorney general who is running for senate. Howard said the guy's name is Richard Blumenthal and he's on record for talking about his service in Vietnam and it turns out he was a Marine but he was in the reserves so the only thing he ever did was put together a toys for tots drive. He never even left the United States. Howard said the guy was talking about how he was over in Vietnam and told the vets this stuff. Howard said he never set the record straight so he was just lying. Howard said the guy is going to have to step down from this run for senate.
Gary said that Vince McMahon's wife turned this guy in and then she got caught lying about her college degree. Howard wondered why these people don't learn from Nixon and just not lie about this stuff. Howard said he doesn't get it.
Howard read an article about this guy Blumenthal. He read about McMahon's wife Linda too. Gary said Scott DePace just asked him if he could vote for this guy. Howard said there's no way he could vote for him. He said that's a sacred thing to be a Vietnam Vet and you can't piss on it like that. Howard said those guys were warriors who were good men and this guy was lying about it. Howard it's a major character flaw. Howard wondered what other weird shit is in the guy's head. Howard said he can't vote for a guy like that. He heard he's a good Attorney General but he can't be trusted.
Robin said that his excuse was kind of lame. Howard said the guy was trying to come off like a tough guy. He said that's like him talking about how he kicked guy's asses. He said he has lied about that a couple of times. Howard said he's really just a big pussy. He said he can't bench press more than 95 pounds but he might claim it's 125. He said he should be able to lift a lot more than that but he can't. He said he's going to come clean about that now so he doesn't have to do it later if he runs for office.
Howard said he'd like to be like Chuck Zito but he never will be able to walk into a room and scare people. Howard said Chuck can kick your ass just by looking at you. He said that AJ Benza walked into a room and dissed Chuck Zito and he was man enough to take a beating from the guy.
Howard said this guy Blumenthal is the kind of guy who wants to be able to beat someone up. He can beat people up with his words but that's about it. Robin said it's probably the testosterone that does that. Robin wondered if this is going to derail him. Howard said he thinks it has to. He might side with him more politically than Linda McMahon but he's not sure. He said this is going on in Connecticut so he doesn't have to worry about voting.
Howard said Linda McMahon might be 10 times the man that this guy is. He thinks she has a wrestling title. Howard imagined what she might say to him in a debate and did an impression of her talking like a wrestler.
Gary said he's heard about the kind of money Bubba is pumping into that racing program and he's flying his son around on a private plane. Howard said he must be going through all of his money. Howard said the guy was practically broke and now he's spending all of this money. He said that his agent might have a private jet. Gary said he thinks that's what it is. Howard hopes that's what it is.
Howard said he's going to have to talk to Bubba this summer when they get together. He said he has to talk some sense to the guy. Robin said he's not going to talk him out of doing this stuff. She said that this kind of situation is one that Howard won't be able to talk him out of.
Robin brought up Will Smith and his wife and how nutty they sounded on Oprah. Howard said Will seems like he might be a flaming asshole. He said he doesn't know that for sure since he hasn't met the guy, but that's the feeling he gets. Robin said that they use private jets and stuff all the time. They're taking the kids out on the plane and they point that out to the audience. They think it's extraordinary when they do that.
After the break, around 7:10am, Howard came back and got Woody back on the phone. The echo was gone. Howard said that Woody lives on some kind of Hippy compound out there in Hawaii. Woody said there are a lot of hippies out there in the neighborhood. Howard said he heard that Woody plays cards with Willie Nelson. Woody said that's how they pass the time out there. Woody said they play for sometimes 20, 50 or 100 bucks. He said they even play dominoes or chess at tines too. Howard asked if they ever drop 10 grand in a night. Woody said it's never that much.
Woody told Howard that he's hanging out with his buddy there. It turned out to be Willie Nelson. Howard said it sounds like they're pretty wasted. Willie said they might be at a 9.5 out of 10 on the wasted scale. Robin said it's good that he kept Woody awake for them. Howard said that it's like a bunch of burn outs. He said they seem to be having the most fun out there. Willie said they should come out there and have some fun with them.
Willie got off the line and put Woody back on. Howard said that the two of them are starting to sound alike. Woody said they are fellow Texans. Howard said that it seems like it's a bros before hoes thing with both of them.
Howard asked if they've been smoking weed all night out there. Woody said he doesn't let Willie smoke that evil stuff out there. Howard said that Woody should be banging Robin who is into this natural food thing. Howard said she's trying to get an amendment going to keep their food real. Woody said that sounds like a good thing to him.
Howard said that Robin is on this diet where she doesn't chew. She said she's like 75 percent raw. woody said he's about that too. He doesn't even use a cell phone. Howard said Woody and the guys out there must do a hippy kind of lifestyle. Woody said that's what it would look like from the outside. Howard said it must be nice out there too. Woody said it's tough to leave the island because it is so nice. He said the people out there are great too.
Howard said Woody must get tons of pussy out there. Woody just laughed. Woody said he knew things were going to go this way. He put Willie back on the phone. Willie asked what he said to him that scared him off. Howard told him it was just about the pussy he gets. Willie said that they went to a convention for women without legs and the place was just crawling with pussy.
Howard said he wishes he could be out there with these guys. Willie said they should come out there and do the show from Maui. He said it would be a nice place to do the show from.
Woody got back on the phone and told Howard that he went to a Muslim strip show and do you know what they yell out there? Howard asked ''what?'' Woody said ''Show us your nose!'' Howard and Robin chuckled at that.
Howard wasn't getting any pussy questions asked so he moved on to talk to Woody about his movie career. Howard said Woody almost didn't get ''White Men Can't Jump'' because they were going to give it to Keanu Reeves. Howard said he almost got ''Forrest Gump'' but Tom Hanks took the part. Howard said that would have been a great part for him to play.
Howard said it's pretty amazing that Woody has made it as well as he has. Woody said it's been a great ride and he hopes it continues. Woody told Howard how he got into Elvis and started singing his songs all the time. He said his friends convinced him to start singing and performing and it built up until people would cheer him on. He said he would get up on the table and sing in the library. He said this girl came up to him and asked if he wanted to join the theater. He said that between that woman and the Elvis thing, that's why he's an actor now.
Howard asked Woody if he got teased about acting and singing. He said there was some teasing but not too bad. Howard asked if he did any acting classes. Woody said he did some. Howard asked if he thinks Hollywood appreciates him. Woody said he's not sure about that. He said he doesn't even work hard when he gets a part. He said he was just kidding about that. Woody said he gets plenty of scripts but right now he's just working on a tan.
Howard asked woody why he's not working. Woody said that he's a world class slacker so he's prefer to just vacation. Howard asked if he has a lot of money. Woody said he doesn't want to say he has a lot of money but he can get by without working. Howard asked if it was Cheers money. Woody was just laughing. Howard told him to forget it.
Howard wanted to throw out some names of girls he was rumored to have banged. Woody told him that Willie wanted to talk to him again. Willie got back on the line so Howard threw the questions out to Woody. He asked about banging Juliette Lewis and Glenn Close. Howard asked if Woody had ever banged Ted Danson. Willie got a laugh out of that. Woody got back on and said ''who hasn't?'' to the Ted Danson question. He said he was just kidding.
Howard said that woody's performance in ''The Messenger'' was great. He said it's a moving performance and he was brilliant in it. Woody thanked him for that because he figured only about 12 people saw it.
Howard said he wants to play chess against Willie. He asked if they're in sarong and stuff out there. Woody said that Willie is in latex as usual. Howard got some laughs out of that and then wrapped up with the two of them.
Howard said it sounds like a great thing to be out there in Maui just hanging out. Howard said he'd love to be there. Howard said he can imagine doing that. They spent a minute on that and then had to go to break so they could get to Russell Brand who had to be out of there by 8.
Howard came back and had Russell Brand come in. Robin wondered how many times he had been on the show. Russell said it's been twice. Howard said his wife thought that he dresses the way he does as a joke but Russell said that's not the case. He said that he's accentuating his sex organs.
Howard said he's kind of a legendary cocksman. He said he was watching Russell when he started dating Katy Perry and he's not sure if it's going to last. Russell said that he's pretty sure that it will last or he wouldn't get married. Russell said that there is no chance of him having sex with Robin now that he's getting married.
Howard asked Russell how he met Katy. Russell said that they were doing a scene in a movie together which is this movie he's in to promote today. He said that they did this kissing scene and they stood on this balcony alone to practice and Katy just leaned in and they kissed each other. He said it was an unnecessary rehearsals but that's what got the whole thing started.
Howard said that Russell was banging multiple chicks a day before that. Russell had guys picking women out for him. Russell said they had other jobs too. Russell said he had a lot of sexual energy to get out.
Howard said Russell must have figured he had the right to bang chicks and leave them crippled in his path. Russell said he tried not to cripple anyone. He said he wasn't going around saying he was going to fuck their spines out. He said he would have called the medics if he knew he was going to paralyze them.
Howard asked Russell about how his buddies would go out and pick out the cute chicks for him. Russell said one of his guys is there today actually and he was very good at doing that job. Howard asked Russell if he was using the girls and the girls were using him so they both knew what they were getting into it. Russell said that is the way it was. He said orgasms were guaranteed.
Howard asked Russell about the way he was flirting with Katy at the MTV Video Music Awards the year after that scene on the movie set. Russell said he started to feel a bit lonely after banging all of these chicks. He said that it was one new chick after another so he couldn't carry on a conversation that he had the night before.
Howard said Katy is really cute and he understands the attraction but he wonders if he's dating her because she is Katy Perry.
Russell told Howard that he was rehearsing for the show around that time and in the midst of the whole thing a bottle struck him on the head during rehearsal. He looked over and saw Katy standing there. He said she came on and was rude to him. He said his mates were laughing at her and he started to feel ill or something. He said that she was rehearsing too and she was still good even though she was doing it half hearted. He said she was being a smart ass and he loved it. Russell said that he joked about her as she was rehearsing too. He said she gave him a bracelet during rehearsal and she didn't want it back because she wanted him to remember her. He said he didn't need anything to remember her. He said that's how all of this got started.
Howard asked who is worth more money. Russell said it's got to be her. Howard asked if he's banking on her being the money maker. Russell said he's not planning on having a mediocre career himself. Howard said he does have a lot going on. He said he's got 7 movies in the works. He's working on a remake of the movie ''Arthur'' and he has Helen Mirren playing his butler.
Howard asked Russell about some of Katy's friends like Rihanna and Jay-Z. Howard wondered if his bachelor party is going to be thrown by Jay-Z. Russell said he's pretty sure that won't happen. He said that his bachelor party will probably be more mellow than that.
Howard asked Russell if he went out with Katy the first night she asked him out. He said he didn't go with her. He didn't want to be out of control of the evening so he asked her to go out to dinner the next night. Russell said she looked amazing that night they went out. Russell said he wore one of his belly shirts that night. Howard asked Russell if there were a lot of photographers out that night. Russell said there really weren't.
Howard asked where they went after dinner. Russell said that they just went home after a kiss. He said they just kissed. He said that was very odd for him. Howard asked if he went for the tittie. Russell said he was filled with confusing feelings so he didn't go for that. He said he was very confused. Russell said that he had this weird feeling for her and he didn't know what to do.
Russell told Howard that he almost yelled out ''I love you!'' to her on that first date. He said that's the way he was feeling that night. He said he knew that he was going to marry her that night. Howard asked if he was doubting himself thinking it was just a crazy thought he was having. He has OCD so it could have had to do with that. Russell said that he does have that but he's doing Transcendental Meditation now and that's helping. He said that's a great thing. Howard said he's been doing TM for 36 years and that's helped him too. Russell said he thinks that it's helped him out with women too.
Howard asked Russell how long it took to get into Katy's pants. Russell said now that he cares so much for her that he's not sure he wants to give out that information. He said that it was a few weeks before they got together again. Russell said Katy called him up and told him that she was going on vacation to Thailand. He said meanwhile he was writing her letters and getting all romantic with her. He said he wrote on parchment with a feather. Russell said that there was this thing where she was making a music video in a fountain and meanwhile he was in a prison filming a movie with a rapist.
Howard asked what the love poems were about. Russell said he wrote to her about the video she was in when she was in a fountain. He said that he was telling her about how she was like a mermaid and he was drowning. Howard said he was a pussy for saying that so Russell jokingly took his headphones off and said that was enough.
Howard said he actually likes that he opened up like that. Howard said she could have turned on him and thought he was a pussy. Howard said that she could have thought that his poetry was shit. Russell said he's English and they're known for that kind of thing so it wasn't shit.
Howard said that Katy's parents are religious people and Russell has that rock star thing going on. Russell said that her parents are actually very lovely people. He said they get along just fine.
Howard asked Russell about why he asked Katy to marry him just 4 months into it. Howard asked if it was the sex. Russell said that they have some kind of spiritual connection. He said he felt this connection to this person and it was something very different for him. He said he likes to have sex with loads and loads of people but now he has someone he can trust. He said in the past if someone hurt him he'd just ask for more women to be brought to him.
Howard asked when he had multiple women before he met Katy. Russell said it was the day before. He said that he had two women. Howard said he heard that she was making out with John Mayer just the day before he met her. Russell said he didn't know if that was true or not. He thinks that's just speculation.
Howard asked Russell if he had to be tested before he was with Katy. Russell said he's a very clean person. He said his nails are clean and showed them to Howard. Howard asked if Katy asked him to wear a rubber that first night. Russell said that was kind of private. He said he's always been very careful with that kind of thing. He said that the love of this woman is something very special to him.
Howard said that they haven't really known each other that long. Howard asked if her parents thought it was too soon. Russell said they thought it was a very good thing. Russell said they're going to get married this year.
Howard told Russell that they have a rough time ahead of them. He said he's going to be leaving Katy for two months. Russell said he is very busy. Howard asked how he's going to handle that. He said it's going to get weird after 2 weeks. Howard said he's going to get suspicious and he's going to think she's going to be having fun without him.
Gary came in and said that Russell had to get going. Howard had to get in some plugs. Howard said he wasn't doing a good job of that. He said that he's in ''Get Him To The Greek'' which comes out on June 4th. He plays the same character that he played in ''Forgetting Sarah Marshall.'' Howard gave him some plugs for the soundtrack album too and for his book which is out in paperback now (My Booky Wook: A Memoir of Sex, Drugs, and Stand-Up).
Howard asked Russell about his OCD before he wrapped up. Russell was also telling him about the video he directed for one of the songs from the soundtrack. Howard threw out a few more quick questions before they dragged Russell out of there. Gary came in and told Howard Russell's people were flipping out. Howard tried to wrap up again and Russell got in a plug for his web site RussellBrand.tv.
Howard kept asking questions and Russell wanted to stay. They kept talking even though his people were freaking out. Howard asked if he would be invited to the wedding. When he said he probably wouldn't show up Russell said that he's invited. Howard wrapped up and let him go after that.
Howard came back and said that all songs are helped by ''Hey Now!'' so Fred threw in a couple of those while the song was playing.
Howard said he had some stuff to play. Sal and Richard called into Tradio using Gary the Retard audio clips. He said it didn't really work though. Howard said that they just had Gary saying that he forgot his number. Howard said the Tradio guy gets annoyed and he's not sure if it works. Robin wanted to hear it anyway. Howard said he didn't think he should play it but Robin wanted to hear it.
Howard played the clip and they had Gary the Retard calling a Swap Shop show saying that he lost his helmet and saying he had a number to call. Then he forgot what his number was and asked the host if he knew what it was. The host didn't know it so he just hung up. They had him call back in and he got hung up on over and over again.
Howard wondered what the papers were that the host was shuffling around. It was happening over and over. Howard played more of the prank call and the guy was shuffling papers constantly. They had Gary calling in over and over but the host would just hang up as soon as he'd hear his voice.
Howard said that was the call. Robin said she liked it. Howard said he must have been wrong because he was laughing through it too. Robin said the guy was funny and Gary was funny. Robin wondered what was up with the paper shuffling. Howard said maybe he's doing gift wrapping on the side. Howard said he might have to work a second job.
Howard said they just found some guy who is one of these republican family values guys who got caught cheating on his wife. Howard said the woman he cheated with was a woman he met while making an abstinence video. Howard said that's great.
Howard said this guy's name was Mark Souder and he had audio of him crying while making a speech. Howard played the audio and talked about what the guy was up to. Howard said he thinks the guy should open up a porno web site. The guy is a hypocritical asshole.
Howard said he got a copy of the new Playboy with the 3D centerfold. He said it's so dumb. Howard said the 3D glasses are hard to put together. He said you have to plug the arms into the front. Howard showed Robin what they look like and what the Centerfold looks like. Robin said it was kind of fuzzy. Howard said you have to keep the glasses on while you jerk off and then your mom is going to walk in and catch you. Howard imagined doing that with the 3D glasses. Howard said the glasses can't stay on any human being's head. He said they're really shitty.
Howard said once you get it together and look at it, it's not that great. He said the girl's ass and titties are popping out but it's just a gimmick. Howard said the centerfold is really cute. Howard said she's a nice looking lady.
Howard said he can't even fathom what's going on there. Jason came in and said that the oil under the ocean is under pressure and it's coming out like a volcano. He said that it's still spewing and only about 40 percent of it is getting into the ship. The other 60 percent is still rushing out into the ocean.
Howard said that Rush Limbaugh and Brit Hume are saying that it's not that big of a deal because the sea water will take care of it. Howard said he thinks that even DePace will be appalled by these clips.
Howard played some audio of Rush Limbaugh talking to a guy about the spill and the guy was saying that it's not as big of a catastrophe as they think it is. The guy said that the oil is breaking up into smaller pieces once you get away from the main spill. Rush said that the oil spill will break up and he's not trying to minimize this. Howard said he is minimizing it though. Howard said this is man spilling oil into the ocean. This isn't a natural thing. Rush was also saying that sea water is pretty tough stuff, just try living in it. Howard said that seals, fish, sharks and other things live in it all the time.
Howard said that these conservatives are trying to minimize this and make it sound like it's not a big deal. Howard played more of Rush talking about this and trying to make it sound like the oil is just going to dissipate.
Howard said Brit Hume was doing the same thing. He played some audio of Brit talking to someone about the spill and saying that the oil hasn't hit the shores yet. He said the greatest concentration of oil in the ocean is from natural deposits. He said that they need some perspective there and to think about what really goes on with oil spills. The guest he had on said it's going to cause major problems. Brit said that the ocean absorbs a lot. The guest said that's what Rush was saying too.
Howard said Brit Hume is downplaying the whole thing and even the guest is starting to make it sound like it's not that big of a mess. Howard goofed on Rush and Brit about their lack of education and how ridiculous they sound talking about this. Howard said that this is like Sheri Sheppard saying that she's never seen the Earth as being round so she doesn't know that it's not flat.
Howard had Christa on the phone so he told Robin about the letter she wrote to Gary saying that she wishes she had told Howard who she was. Howard said it was a great party. Christa said that was the best party she's been to in her life. She said she never stays out past 9 and this party was amazing. Christa said that the coolest thing about the party was that people there were used to people staring at them but everyone was nervous about Howard. Howard said he didn't even know that. He wasn't aware that everyone was into him.
Christa said that Zach Braff was trying to get in on the party and was telling Jimmy that he was available. Howard said he could have come. Howard said it wasn't all famous people but it was very jam packed with famous people.
Christa said that everyone was very warm and it was the common thread of them all liking Howard. She said that it was all very level. Howard asked what they were talking about. Christa said that she was talking to Bob Iger and his wife Willow Bay. Christa said she was talking to him and everyone wanted to talk to Howard when he got there.
Christa told Howard that she's not that kind of person so she didn't want to jump in front of Howard. She said that Bill was the one who was torturing Jeff Probst with him. It wasn't Will Arnett. Howard didn't know that was Bill. Howard said he had no idea. Gary told Howard that Jeff was fine with the whole thing and it was all in good fun. Howard said he wasn't sure if it was torture with Jeff or not. That's why he was talking about it that way this week.
Howard said Bill is a funny guy. Christa put him on the phone and Bill said he had a good time there. He said that he hid from Howard the rest of the night. He didn't want to ruin it with him. Howard said he didn't know people were going to react to him like that.
Bill told Howard that they all love the show and it was great to be there with them all. Bill said that they weren't sure if they could be in the band room because they'd be afraid to walk out.
Christa said that this party was so good that it's inspired her to play some instruments or learn to sing. She said it was very sexy when Courteney Cox got up there and played drums. Howard said it really was sexy. Christa said that they were all drunk on the ''foot shine'' moonshine that Johnny Knoxville brought. Howard said he didn't drink that much of it but Bill said he got sick the next day. Howard said that everyone was drinking that stuff. He said he almost gave in but he didn't do it. Howard said that shit probably came from a guy's basement. He said it was gross. Howard said that Johnny was the hit of the party because of that moonshine.
Christa said Bill was talking to Howard and she figured that was her chance to jump in. She was busy talking to Beth and she's so sweet that she fell in love with her. Christa said that she was talking to Bob Iger and Bill gave her the eye to come over. She said that she went over and spent some time talking to Howard. Howard asked what they talked about. Christa said Howard gave her a big hug and said hi. Howard said he does that to everyone. He said he's like a big phony. Bill said Howard was making time for everyone and that was very cool of him to do. Howard said he had a great time there. He just wishes that he knew it was Christa.
Christa said that she was sitting next to Demi but Howard didn't mention her as being one of the cute girls. Howard said he doesn't watch all of the shows that she's on so he didn't know her. Howard told Christa to tell him who she is next time. Christa said that she'll run into him at his house because Beth invited them there. Howard said he heard about that. He asked her to still mention who she is when she comes.
Howard asked if they have kids. Christa said they do but they have a house out there so they're just going to come over for dinner. Howard said he'd like that.
Howard wrapped up with them and let them go a short time later. Howard said that the season finale of ''Cougar Town'' is on tonight. He said that they're actually changing the name of the show because it's not so much about Cougars. Gary said that it is though. He said he watches the show and it was about Courteney Cox as a cougar.
Gary said they're doing a celebrity Superfan Roundtable this week and Jeff will be hosting again. He said that they're going to have David Arquette and Natalie Maines on the show as well. They're going to be talking to Mark McGrath too about what went on with John Stamos at the party. Howard said he thinks that Stamos was really upset with McGrath and they're trying to rewrite history.
Howard talked about how Stamos bummed everyone out about Don Rickles not being invited to the party. Howard said John walked in and said he couldn't believe he wasn't invited to the party. Howard said that it's because John brings it up to Don. Howard said Don didn't know about it until he brought it up. Howard said Don is 80 years old and he wouldn't have had a good time at the party. Howard said everyone would have had to have kissed his ring. Howard said that he got upset with John about that and then Jimmy got upset about it and asked John not to bring it up anymore. He said he was upset thinking that Don was really upset. Howard said he doesn't think that Don has given it an ounce of thought. He thinks that John made it all up.
Howard said John gave him a bag of t-shirts and he asked what was up with that. He said he had nowhere to put them. He had to worry about them the whole night. Howard said he's thrown them all out now. Howard said he doesn't wear ''Jesus Saves'' t-shirts. John told him he was going to love them but meanwhile he threw them all away.
Howard said Ralph told him that John called him about the shirts and he told him to just mail them. Howard said he's not the pope and this wasn't his coming out party. This was Jimmy's party. Robin said that he should have given Jimmy a gift if he was going to give one at all.
Howard said he had a lot of fun at that party. He said he's actually been on vacation with John Stamos before. He said that he obviously likes hearing him talk about him. Robin wondered if he's going to invite Don Rickles to go with him on vacation. Howard said he might. Howard said the guy wouldn't have fit in at that party though.
Howard said he had some stories that Jimmy and Ashton Kutcher should have told. Howard said Ashton had a story about how Mickey Rooney showed up at his house one time and just walked in. They didn't even know Mickey. Howard said he should let Ashton tell that story. Howard said Mickey walked in with a film crew too. Howard said Ashton thought he was being Punk'd or something.
JD told Howard that story is in an article so he can talk about it. Howard told some more details of the story and how Ashton thought that he was being Punk'd so he let Mickey do his thing. He didn't want to disrespect the guy. Howard said that there is no footage out there and no one is sure where the footage is. Howard said he can't imagine Mickey Rooney just showing up and coming in to play old show tunes on your piano. Howard said that's what went on with the guy. Howard said he was laughing hearing the story. He said Ashton tells the story in a very funny way.
Howard said he was out there hob knobbing in L.A. Robin said he was. Howard said it felt good and it made him feel good about himself. Howard said he started to get a big head when he started getting letters from these fans who are famous. He said that feeling left him about a half hour later.
Howard said he did have fun out there. Robin said it's good that he's enjoying it. Howard said he goes to the parties hungry and he always drinks really fast. Howard said he does that because he's hungry and that fills him up. Howard said he doesn't want to eat because he's afraid he's going to get fat.
Howard said he's told his psychiatrist that he can't do this stuff anymore. Howard said he starts to feel like he's in show business and he never feels that at all. He said he feels like a dock worker or something working there. Howard said he's not even sure the microphone is on. He said that even while he's having this great time at the party he's thinking it could be boring to people and he should be out talking to them. Then he's thinking about how late it is and how it's too late for him to be out and how he's going to get sick. He said he's like a neurotic chick or something. He said he's not allowed to have fun. Howard said he'd like Robin to help him get out of this jail cell he feels he's in.
Robin said she has told Howard to get therapy. Howard said she comes on too strong. That led to Fred playing her Guatemalan theme music as she was lecturing him.
Robin was wondering where the IQ test was for them. Howard said Gary is working on it. Gary said if he had the money they'd have it ready. It's going to cost them 5 grand to do it. Howard said they have the money and Mel told him that they can do whatever they want. Gary said that it's not that easy and he was trying to give Sales the chance to sell it to a sponsor. Howard said he can't believe they have to barter over this whole thing. Gary said that the school is giving them a discount. He said they're getting it from NYU and they're getting the discount because they're on Dr. Radio all the time. It was supposed to be $600 per test but they lowered it to 500. Howard said he's surprised that they didn't just tell them that they don't need a test, they're all just dumb.
Howard said he can see why a show like Tradio would have to make a deal like that. They shouldn't have to do that themselves. Howard said they do have a budget for that stuff there but he's going to let them just try and get a sponsor. Howard said maybe by the time they leave there they'll have the test ready. Howard went to break after that.
Howard took a call from Jeff the Drunk and told him that he was thinking about his brother and how he's pretty sure that Jeff is the asshole and his brother is probably the normal one. Jeff said that's not the case. Howard said that Jeff's brother works, his girlfriend works and Jeff seems to think everyone is an asshole. Howard said they can't even deal with Jeff there and they have trouble setting him straight.
Jeff said the electricity and the phone are in his name and he has to pay the bills. He said they're not in his brother's name. Jeff said the bills come to his mailbox, not his. Howard asked how that makes his brother an asshole. Jeff said he took over the house. Robin said that he only pays half of the rent. Jeff said he pays half of everything but he doesn't want to deal with his brother.
Howard said he'd like to know what's really going on there. Jeff ended up getting pissed and yelled at Howard before hanging up on him. Howard said it sounded like he might be crying. Howard said Jeff should open his eyes and see that he's a complete fuck up and he might be the problem there.
Howard said his brother is paying for half of everything but Jeff is still mad. He said that his mom left the trailer to all of the kids and Jeff is pissed. Howard doesn't get what the issue is. Howard said his brother is the one who has the job and Jeff is collecting from the government. Howard said that the tax payers are paying the other half of the rent.
Ralph called in and said that was the greatest thing. He said that they're arguing over a trailer. Howard said they wanted to shoot a realty show but Jeff doesn't want to do it.
Howard thanked Ralph for the help with the iPhone. Howard said he has to get rid of the super secure Wi-Fi thing. Howard said that it doesn't work right for him. He said they must think he has something going on with his Wi-Fi and he really doesn't. Ralph said it's as slow as shit too. Howard said it really is and he paid big money for that.
Ralph said Howard seems to be more tortured than ever and he wonders what the psychiatrist is doing for him. Howard said that he's not sure. Howard said he should be like Jeff and just yell and hang up on Ralph. Ralph said that was a great call with Jeff. Howard said Jeff was just getting interesting and he hung up.
Howard said he does care about Jeff. He said that's why he thinks he's the asshole though. Howard said he has to meet Jeff's brother and ask him why he would live with Jeff. Howard said he has to get out of there.
Robin said she'd love to know what's going on too. Howard told Gary to get Jeff back on the phone. He said he knows what's going on there. Jeff is the flaming asshole and the brother is the one with the job. He said that Jeff is going berserk just with him questioning him about this whole thing. Howard said he can't imagine what the brother is going through.
Gary had Jeff on his phone but he wasn't able to get Jeff to agree to go on the air. He was yelling and screaming. He eventually convinced him to get back on.
Howard asked Jeff what's going on that's so terrible. Jeff said he can't tell him everything. Gary said he heard that he'd get beat up if he does tell them everything. Howard said that he doesn't have to tell them everything. Jeff was saying that his brother is taking control over the house. He said he wants him out of there. Howard asked what he can't do that he wants to do.
Jeff said he wants to have a life outside of his kitchen. Howard asked why he can't go into the rest of the trailer. Jeff said he can but when he's home he can't feel comfortable going out there. He said his girlfriend doesn't even talk to him. Howard said that shouldn't matter. Jeff said it's fucking bullshit and he shouldn't have to deal with that. Jeff said if he knew the truth he'd see his side. Jeff told him that he should talk to Shuli because he knows the whole story.
Gary asked Jeff what the dispute is with him and his brother. Jeff said he's taking control of the house like he owns it. Jeff said he moved in his girlfriend without even asking him. Jeff said he wants him to pay rent for her but then he's the asshole. Jeff said he's the one with Bell's palsy and he thinks that it's his brother that caused it.
Howard said that Jeff might be the problem though. Howard said the brother seems to be able to function in real life while Jeff can't. Robin said she see's Jeff's side too. She said that this guy just came in and took over.
Gary asked if the home is half of his home. Howard said he thinks that his mother left it to the whole family. Jeff said that his mother left it to him. Howard asked if there was a will. Jeff said there wasn't. Howard said that means it goes to all of the children so he doesn't own it. Jeff co-owns it with his brothers and sisters. Gary said what he's getting out of this is that he owns 1/9th of the trailer. Howard said that if he owned the house then he'd tell him to call the cops. Jeff said he didn't appreciate them all laughing at this and hung up.
Howard said Jeff doesn't like guidelines and that's what this might be all about. Gary said that Jeff may not understand that the house isn't his. Howard wasn't sure why he kept hanging up. Gary said Jeff is pissed because he's not hearing what he wants to hear.
Gary said he thought about telling Jeff to sell the trailer and then take half of that money but then he realized that he'd only get 1/9th of it. Howard said they even offered to pay his rent for a year to shoot a reality show at his house for a weekend but Jeff didn't want to do that. Howard said you start to doubt that Jeff is handling this in the right way when he hangs up on them all the time.
Jeff called in again and said that he can tell Howard all of this stuff off camera. Howard said he has no desire to talk to him off camera. Howard said he knows that Jeff is hard to reason with and he's had first hand experience with that there at the studio. Howard said maybe his brother is just trying to say there are some rules now. Jeff had to put him on hold for one second. He had call waiting for some reason.
Jeff came back and Howard tried to talk to Jeff more about what was going on. Jeff is upset that his brother is trying to control him. Howard said his brother may think he's out of control. Jeff said that he doesn't even drink. Howard said he can be unreasonable. Howard said he's going berserk now and just listen. Jeff said he's taking over everything there. Howard asked how he takes over the trailer. Jeff said he has this bitch girlfriend and he rules the house. Jeff said he sits in his chair in the living room and he watches TV and it's really his TV. Howard said the guy comes home from work and wants to sit in a chair. Jeff said his mom left it to him. Jeff said that he knows in his heart that his mom left it to him.
Howard said that his mother didn't do the right thing by him. She should have made out a will to leave to Jeff what she wanted to leave to him. Jeff said that she told him that she wanted to leave it to him. Jeff said his brother is a mean fucking asshole and he hopes his co-workers tell him that. Howard said when he lives with other people he has to open up to conforming. Jeff said he doesn't want to. Howard said that he should sell that trailer and take 1/9th of the money. He said he might get a dollar fifty each. Jeff yelled at Howard saying he was being an asshole and hung up again.
Howard said that Jeff should get a job and buy another chair. Robin said there probably isn't room in the trailer. Howard said he needs to see this chair he's upset over. Howard said the brother may have every right to move into that place. He said he may own part of it and he has every right to sit in that chair and watch that TV.
Howard said Jeff just doesn't want to hear this. He's getting mad at him and he's not sure why. Robin said he's getting mad at the world.
Irish John called in and said that maybe they can cut the trailer in half and let them live next to each other. He said he has some welder friends that can take care of that.
Howard said he'd love to know what's really going on in that place. He's just trying to figure it out and understand it. He doesn't mean any harm.
Steve said that fight promoter Damon Feldman was taken to a hospital for evaluation after threatening to commit suicide. Robin said that they just spoke to him a few weeks ago. Howard said he must be despondent over those charges he has against him allegedly fixing fights.
Steve said they have a story about a guy who have been using micro loans in third world countries. He came up with the idea for micro loans.
Steve said they have a story about how Congressman Sestak just won and he's one of the only people who seemed to care about Kenneth Keith Kallenbach's death in prison.
Steve said Ryan Phillippe threw out a first pitch at a Phillies game and he threw a little better than Gary did but he bounced the pitch before the plate.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He ran down the list of subjects for today's show. Howard talked more about Jeff the Drunk and his tantrums today.
Howard had Steve Brandano come in with his Intern Show preview next. Steve talked about what they had coming up on tonight's show.
Howard said they're looking for women who would like to find a date for their fathers from the Bunny Ranch. Howard said that you can email firstname.lastname@example.org to submit your entry. They had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and had Robin get into her news after Fred played her in with a ''Big Boobs'' song parody. Howard didn't like that one so much. He told Fred he could take it out because it didn't have Robins's name in it.
Robin started her news with a story about Lindsay Lohan denying that she's dating the woman they reported on earlier this week. Robin said that she's also having trouble in court.
Howard took another call from Jeff the Drunk. Howard said he has to have him call in some other time. He said he's really not trying to aggravate him. Jeff said he's going to tell Howard the whole story which is the truth and nothing but the truth. He said he has to leave the premises if he tells that story. Howard didn't want him to tell him then. Robin said that may be the best thing.
Jeff got upset with Howard again. He said he was taking his brother's side. Howard said he wasn't taking his brother's side. He said he's just trying to understand. Howard said Jeff can be unreasonable and maybe his brother is just trying to come home from work and rest. Jeff said he doesn't know anything about his brother. He said he's selfish and mean. Howard said maybe his brother is frustrated with him like Jeff is frustrated. Jeff said he doesn't even say anything mean to him. He doesn't even engage him.
Howard told Jeff maybe he should call in tomorrow to talk more about this. Howard said maybe he shouldn't even be involved. Jeff said he told Will and Shuli everything so he should ask them if he wants to know. Howard told Jeff to hang in there. Jeff hung up.
Howard said he's trying to help Jeff and he gets mad at him. Howard said he's just putting it out there that there might be two sides to the story.
Robin got back to her news and said that bears have been wandering through New Jersey towns. Howard said the bears have nowhere to go. He said people leave their garbage out and they have to cover it up. Robin read about where the bears were seen and how the cops helped get them out of the town and back to the woods. Robin said that one bear slipped under someone's house.
Robin read a story about Ted Turner coming out and saying that the oil spill in the Gulf could have been caused by God. Howard said he thought that guy was pretty smart but he seems to be very loopy. Robin said that he also said that the recent coal mine disaster might have been another thing that's showing the wrath of God. Robin had some audio of Turner talking about how maybe this is God's way of showing us that we should use solar, wind power and geothermal power. Howard said if God wanted us to do that then why doesn't he just tell us? If there is a God then maybe he'd figure out how to do that.
Robin read a story about a woman who was shot in the buttocks accidentally when a gun went off at a shooting range. Howard said she's lucky she got it in the ass.
Robin read a story about a simulated trip to Mars that's going to be taking place this summer. She read that they're going to have 6 men living there for over a year to find out if they can travel to Mars. The trip would take 520 days so they have to stay in there the whole time. She said that communication to earth is going to be limited to email.
Howard was still thinking about Jeff the Drunk and how he thought his mother was going to leave him this house. He must have had a whole plan for living by himself and then his brother moved in. Howard said he kind of enjoys thinking about two guys fighting over their mom's trailer.
Robin read a story about how eating processed meat can raise the chance of heart disease. She read the details of that study.
Robin read a story about a study that was done that found that as people age they find it harder to be happy.
Robin read a story about American Idol and how Crystal Bowersox seems to still be the one to beat. Howard said he's not sure about that. He said another girl was coming on strong. They spent a short time going over some of the other contestants on the show.
Robin read some more details about the story Howard talked about earlier about the Congressman who had to resign because of an affair he had.
Howard had to do a live commercial around that time. After that Robin read a story about John Travolta and his wife Kelly expecting another child. Howard thought Kelly Preston was like 47 years old. Gary confirmed that. Howard said he thought that women had menopause around that age. Robin said she may be approaching that.
Robin read some news about the Gulf of Mexico oil spill and how Obama is putting together a group to investigate what happened there.
Robin read about Arlen Specter losing to Joe Sestak in his run for congress. Howard said they talked about that earlier. He said that Specter was in that spot for 30 years so he had a good run. Howard said the guy is 80 years old so he must be happy on some level.
Robin read a story about a member of the Tea Party winning a senate seat. That was Rand Paul. Robin had some audio of him giving his thank-you speech and that led to Howard goofing on the way he said ''you'' by adding a ''wah'' at the end of it. Fred played some Paris Hilton audio clips where she was doing some similar things.
Robin read about the Dalai Lama giving a speech. She had some audio of that. Howard wasn't able to get through the whole clip and he wondered how anyone can. Howard said his mother is into that but she can barely understand what he's saying. Howard said he has no patience for that. Howard played some of the audio and goofed on it a little more.
Robin read a story about a Hooters waitress who says she was put on probation for gaining weight. Robin said she got low marks for her uniform fitting. Howard said the name of the restaurant is Hooters. Robin said she was just 132 pounds at 5'8'' tall. Howard said she should weigh a buck and a quarter. Howard said they hire hot girls there and of course they're going to get upset when you gain weight. Howard said that makes sense to him. Robin said she has no plans to return to the restaurant and she's been contacted by some lawyers.
Robin read about how Joe Biden's son suffered a mild stroke last week and he just got out this week. Robin said they've said he should be fine and he can return to work soon.
Robin read a story about Mary Kennedy being arrested for DUI with a blood alcohol level of 1.1. Howard said she must have been drinking moonshine.
Robin read about how Charlie Sheen has signed a deal to return to ''2 and a Half Men'' where he'll be making $2 million an episode. Howard said Jimmy Kimmel had a great line about that at the ABC Up Fronts. Howard said he wanted to find the line and asked the guys out in the office if they heard him. Gary said he was bringing it in. He was printing it out and didn't know if Howard heard him. Howard said he should just bring it in.
Howard got the print out and said that Jimmy joked about the Charlie Sheen thing. He quoted Jimmy's joke but it was clipped off on the print out. Benjy had it too but Howard didn't want him to read it so he just gave up. Howard said his producer printed out half a page. Howard said that's his producer. Fred played some Baba Booey clips. Gary came in and explained what he was doing out there and said he'd try it again. He didn't know what the problem was.
Robin read more details about Charlie's deal and how he's making the deal to do two more years. Robin said that he could also be going to jail for his alleged attack on his wife.
Gary said he had the article again but then he said he didn't have it. Then Scott brought it in. Gary said he cut and pasted it and it still cut off. Howard said he just wants to read what Jimmy said about Charlie Sheen.
Howard read the quote from Jimmy where he talked about why Charlie Sheen is a genius for making this deal. He joked about how Charlie got into legal trouble and to get out of that he had his agent ask for 2 million an episode.
Howard said he doesn't get why people applaud Charlie Sheen when he has a domestic violence arrest on Christmas Day and then he gets a 2 million dollar per episode deal. He said that's why he loves Hollywood and he wishes he were there right now.
Robin said that they shouldn't be playing that ''Beat My Wife'' song that Fred played earlier. Howard said that he should have to explain it before playing it. Howard said the song is horrible and they only play it because of how outrageous the song was. Fred said he actually advocates beating his wife so that's why he plays it. He was kidding of course. Howard said that song shouldn't even be in the system.
Robin read a story about a TSA agent who stole money from a handicapped woman's purse when she was checking in at an airport. Robin said that the guy was arrested but out on bail. Robin said that there are a lot of people who say they are missing stuff when they come out on the other side of the scanners.
Robin read a story about a Harvard student who lied about going to a bunch of different ivy league schools. Howard said the kid was actually a genius because he lied about going to all of these places and plagiarized all of his papers. Robin said that he's being held on $5,000 bail.
Robin read a story about how 10 percent of dads have pre-natal and post-partum depression in the first year of their infant's birth. Robin said that they did a study that found that the fathers are more likely to have depression than other men. Howard said they should try getting a massage while their wife is giving birth. They had to end the show after that. They ended it around 10:55am.
Jon mentioned some other things he wanted to cover and started off talking about Jeff the Drunk and what was going on with him today. Gary said that they should bring Will in there because he has some thoughts on what's going on. Gary said that Jeff turns against anyone who isn't with him. He said that you're his enemy if you're not on his side.
Jon said some people have mixed feelings on Jeff. Gary said he doesn't. Gary said that Jeff isn't so handicapped that he can't function. He said he thinks he chooses not to do more with his life because he's been coddled. He said his mom let him live there at the house and if she hadn't, he would have had to find his own place to live.
Shuli was in and said Jeff told him about his brother finding this chick and he told Jeff he was going to move her in. Jeff was looking forward to living on his own. Gary said that's what he wanted but there was no will when his mom died and now Jeff doesn't have that trailer to himself. He said he doesn't seem to be able to work things out either.
Benjy said that he thought Jeff said that it was okay for Shuli to tell them the story. Shuli said he didn't know that. He said he doesn't think there has been any physical confrontations but he heard that Jeff is scared of his brother and he has called 9-1-1 on him. Gary wondered why the guy has problems with Jeff and wondered if it's because Jeff has a short fuse too.
Jon said Howard anted to talk to Jeff tomorrow on the phone. Gary said that Jeff was the one hanging up today though. Jon said that's true but that's what Howard said he wanted to do today.
Jon said that Howard went from goofing on Jeff to playing shrink with him. He said he doesn't think that he's getting much sympathy from the guys there. Will Murray came in and said that he doesn't like Jeff at all. He said the guy already collects SSI and he uses some of that money to pay rent and he could be out making appearances and making money but he's burned every bridge out there. He said he hopes his brother beats the shit out of him.
Will said that Jeff has been given money by Artie and Jeff treated him like shit too. Shuli said that Jeff would ask Artie for something, get it, and then ask for more.
Gary said he heard about Jeff going to this place called The Egg and he asked Artie to let him do something for him. Artie paid him to give out flyers and it was a job that Jeff had created. Jeff didn't even finish the job.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Jeff is a big baby. He said he worked with a guy with Spinalbifida and Jeff is better off than that guy but he bitches about it. Gary said Jeff claims he can't work because he doesn't drive. He said if you're out of money you have to find a way to work.
Shuli said Jeff has quit smoking for over a year now. He said it's weird how he has flashes of ability like quitting smoking but he can't go out and work. Will said Jeff could make things happen but he just sits around and does nothing all day instead.
Benjy said that he's not sure what's going on with Jeff and his brother but maybe he can't get out of there. He said he can only guess what's going on. Will said he could get another trailer for under $300 a month with very little effort.
Benjy wondered why he calls in and complains about it. Gary said Jeff thinks that they're going to get his brother to move out by embarrassing him. Shuli said Gary hit it right on the head.
The guys were talking about how they used to fight with their brothers and sisters and maybe that's just continuing on with Jeff.
Shuli told a story about Jeff finding this chick on a train once and he was talking to her but then a couple of days later his brother swooped in and started talking to her instead.
Shuli said there are people on the show who fans are more than happy to help. Shuli said that there are people who will take Wack Packers in and let them live with them. Gary said he's going to go out on a limb and ask anyone up in the Albany area who can hire Jeff to give them a call and they'll give them some plugs and do a news story on it. Gary said he really just wants to know what Jeff's excuses are going to be for not working.
Shuli said Jeff will get belligerently drunk and then the places will wonder why they hired the guy in the first place. Shuli said that Jeff asked him the other day if he knows that he's really not an alcoholic.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Jeff has to report all of the money that he makes and if he's getting disability then he's going to lose it. He said Jeff could work but he'd lose his benefits. Gary said it's easier for Jeff not to work.
Will said that Jeff is blowing his money on all of this stuff not working when he could get a job and work. He doesn't even have to work and he could still move out. Gary said that most of their Wack Packers are on SSI. He knows of one guy who got into some trouble for doing gigs and he had to stop doing them because SSI found out about it and contacted the person.
Gary said that he's going to guess that Jeff gets $200 a week from SSI and maybe he could make more money doing something under the table. He said he could work and make a little bit more than SSI but Jeff would have excuses for that.
Another caller said he was surprised that Howard put up with Jeff hanging up on him. Gary said that Howard was trying to talk to Jeff and it was very real and interesting so he wanted him to keep calling back.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Jeff had a beef with his brother because of the girlfriend and how they should split the expenses 3 ways but the brother wanted to do it two ways. Gary said that no one really knows what's going on there but they have to work that kind of stuff out. Gary said they don't know how the conversation may have gone about that.
Benjy said he doesn't think that Jeff should be forced to leave because if his brother is doing something illegal, and he doesn't know that he is, then Jeff should be able to stay and the brother should leave. Will said that Jeff has no legal grounds to stand on. He said he's just part owner of that place.
Gary wondered how many times the cops are going to show up on the threat of something before they stop showing up. He said that you have to either deal with it or get out. Gary asked Jeff to call in since he knew he was listening.
Another caller said that Jeff owns the trailer and the $225 he's paying is just for the lot. He said he doesn't have to pay for the trailer and he would have to do that if he moved out. Will said he still thinks that he could find a place up there for that kind of money up in Albany. The caller didn't think that would be possible even up there. That guy also told Shuli that Miserable Men rocks.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that people are allowed to work just under 20 hours a week and earn under $1,000 a month before it affects your SSI. Gary said that means Jeff could work part time. The caller said that's right and he could work appearances and not get in trouble as long as it's under $1,000. He had a lot of information about SSD and SSI that he shared with the guys.
Gary said that Jeff should be able to go out there and make more money. Shuli said Jeff has burned bridges though so that might be why people won't hire him.
Jeff the Drunk called in and said that they're talking about him like he's an idiot. They were just talking about how smart he is. Jeff said that they're talking about him like a douche bag then.
Gary asked Jeff what he would do if he got thrown out of his trailer tomorrow. Jeff said he doesn't know. Will asked him what he makes from SSI. Jeff said he gets $600 plus. Will asked him what he would have to pay to rent an apartment up there. Jeff said he's not going to do that. Will told him to stop whining then. Benjy said that he has the right to live in his place without being harassed.
Benjy asked Jeff if he's being harassed. Jeff said his brother is an annoying jerk off. He said he rules the whole house. Gary asked Jeff what would happen if he wanted to watch something on TV and his brother overruled him. Jeff said he can watch TV in his bedroom. Jeff said the girlfriend won't talk to him. Gary said he wants to know how they disagree on stuff.
Jeff said his brother came home from work one day and he had clothes in the dryer. The buzzer went off and Jeff said he went out there to get his laundry so he turned it back on for 15-20 more minutes. He started walking back to his room and his brother asked if he checked it before he turned it back on. His brother said that he doesn't pay for it so of course he doesn't care. Gary said this is just a disagreement. He said that it's not that bad of a conflict.
Gary said it sounds like Jeff was very comfortable with the way things were and now he's upset that things aren't the way he wants them. He asked Jeff if he told his brother that the clothes are always wet when he checks them and that's why he didn't check. Jeff said he did tell him that.
Benjy told Jeff he should tell everyone what's going on there and maybe that would clear the air if he got the story out there. Shuli told him to get it out in the open then. Jeff said he'll tell the story tomorrow. He said he can't tell the story or he'll get in trouble.
Gary said it sounds like Jeff had it his way and now he doesn't so it pisses him off. Jeff said it's not entirely so. He said it's not the way they want to paint him as an asswipe.
Jon asked Jeff if he's spoken to his brother about going out to find another place to live. Jeff said he is petrified of this man. He said he doesn't talk to him at all. He said he never talks to him. Gary asked what his sister has to say about this. Jeff said that she agrees with him but she tells him not to tell his brother that she does.
Benjy asked if his brother has ever done anything to him to harm him. Jeff said that his brother gets upset and he's like the incredible hulk at times.
The guys asked Jeff if he's ever thought about moving out. Jeff said he doesn't know where he's going to go. They found a place on CraigsList for him but Jeff didn't hear them. Will said that Jeff is a dumb ass and he hopes his brother does hit him. Gary asked Jeff if he could take some time away from drinking today and look for a place to live. Jeff said that he doesn't drink every day.
Gary asked Jeff what he's going to be doing today. Jeff said he's going to be on the phone with Section 8 (housing). Gary asked what else he's going to be doing today. Jeff said he watches the Price Is Right. Gary told Jeff that one of these days he should call a cab, go to the library, use the free internet and look for some place to live.
Shuli suggested that Jeff call Mariann from Brooklyn and ask for her to help him find a place to live. He said that way he won't have to call a cab and spend money. Will said he's a lazy piece of shit and he'll never do that. Jeff said that this isn't going to improve his situation. Jon said they're trying to help him and he's trying to find ways to not make it work. Gary said that it sounds like he doesn't really want to get out of this situation.
Gary told Jeff that he may have to sell the house and split it up between his brothers and sister. He said that they might get a couple of grand and then he can go out and get a place to live without his brother. Gary said he can find a place to work and live close to the job. Jeff said that he gets more money not working.
The guys asked how it's possible that he gets more not working. Jeff said he'd have to get a car, he'd have to pay for gas and all of that. Gary said he doesn't have to get a car. He could work near where he lives and walk. Jeff said he'd have to get a car, gas and insurance. Gary said no one said it was going to be easy. He said he just worked out that if he was working a job getting paid minimum wage he'd be making more money than he's getting now. Jeff said he doesn't want to work. Jeff said he can't work. He said when he was working at the grocery store he was sitting in a chair and he unlocked the door. He said that it was a sympathy job. Gary said if he did his very best at any job someone would notice and maybe promote him.
Jon said that everyone has to have a work ethic but Jeff has none. Will said that Gary the Retard works every day. Shuli said Gary got a promotion and he's not collecting trash in the parking lot anymore.
Jon said that Jeff would rather bitch about it. Gary said Jeff had SSI and he figured out a way to live in the trailer and pay for everything but his brother came in and rocked the boat. Jeff said he asked his brother to move in and they don't seem to understand that. Jon asked if he can ask him to move out. Jeff said his brother said no when he asked him to move out.
Gary asked Jeff if he would come on Meet the Shrink with his brother. Jeff said his brother won't do it. He said his brother doesn't want to look like the loser. Gary said he's already sharing his last name. Will added that he's also sharing his trailer.
Jon asked what Jeff is trying to get out of Howard. Jeff said he wants people where his brother works to tell him what he's said and he thinks that it will shame him into getting out of the house. Shuli said that Jeff isn't telling them anything about what's going on so it's hard to get them to shame him if they don't know what's going on.
Benjy asked why he had his brother move in. Jeff said he had a lot of bills and he wanted his brother to help him out. Jeff said his other brother had control over everything before his mother died. Jeff said he had control over all of the money his mother had coming in. Gary asked if there was another house. Jeff said there was. The money from that place was given to the other brother.
Jason came in and said that Jeff's brother is his new hero. He said he wants to meet the guy and get him on the show. Jon said they had to go to break after that.
Jon moved on to talk about Russell Brand. Gary said that guy is rally like the character he plays in the movies. He said he likes him a lot. Jon said that the guy is charming and very good.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he's pissed about them spending so much time on Jeff the Drunk today. He said that they're a bunch of assholes. He said he hopes that Gary dies and told the ''nerdy'' Jon that he sucks. The caller said they had ''four'' stars on the show today but Gary corrected him and said that it was actually 5.
Jason said that Woody Harrelson had the best deflection for not answering questions by handing off the phone to Willie Nelson. He said that was great. Gary said Robin was telling Howard she thinks that's the way their life really is all the time.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked if they think Howard has jumped the shark talking about this Hollywood stuff. He also called Gary a bitch and hung up. Gary said he didn't think that he has jumped the shark.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked if they thought that Woody sounded like Richard Christy. They said he did sound a little bit like him. the caller was also asking if they think that Chuck Zito or Paul Teutle from American Chopper would win in a fight. They agreed it was Chuck.
Ralph called in and said that he's not sure who is crazier, Jeff the Drunk or these guys trying to talk sense to Jeff. He said he's obviously mentally challenged. Ralph said the guy is good at scamming people but he's in the Wack Pack and he's got one arm tied to his side. He said he's not going to be able to get a job.
Gary said that Ralph is calling in to bitch about them after not doing anything all morning. That's even easier than what Jeff does.
Jon said that Jeff has no desire to work and it's hard to sympathize with him over that. Ralph said that Jeff was making some sense when he talked about how he has to buy a car and all of that stuff. Gary said he crunched some numbers at minimum wage and he could be making some decent money. Ralph laughed at Gary for talking about crunching the numbers.
Jason said that he could still get SSI and work part time and make more money. Ralph said they're trying to talk sense to a crazy person so who is crazier? Gary said that Jeff was the one who called them. They didn't call Jeff. Ralph wondered how big the trailer is. Jason said they have some pictures up on the web site and it is pretty small.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he's on disability but he works 60 hours a week. He said he's in pain all the time and he still works. He said Jeff is just lazy and he's got to pay for that because he's paying taxes. The guy said that we're all paying for half of his bill. Gary said he's been saying that for a while now.
Another caller said that Jeff and his brother should be paying a third each. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about how tired he was. He had some equipment problems after that. He said Robin looks magnificent today. He said it must be that raw food or ''real food'' that she's eating.
Robin said she noticed that Howard didn't have in his Ultimate Ears. Howard said he's not set up with that yet.
Howard said he was up late last night and he has some things he's going through so he wasn't able to go to bed on time.
Howard said he's been having problems with his glasses pushing into his head from the earphones he uses. He said he's not sure if that makes sense to people. Fred said it did to him but of course it did. Fred let out a laugh that Howard wasn't so sure was real. Fred said it was. Howard said they can discuss that on the Wrap Up Show today.
Howard said he has this headphone issue and the nice folks at Ultimate Ears came to help. Howard said the stuff they have is great. He said he uses them for his computer already and it's perfect for using his computer or watching movies.
Howard said he got exited when the guy from Ultimate Ears told him they had a solution for him. He said he'd have these things for his ears that are like what rock stars use on stage. Howard said those people don't talk for five hours so he's not sure how it's going to work. He said he's very hesitant to change. Howard said it would be nice to get rid of the giant headphones for TV though. Robin said it's about time to change. Howard said they have another 8 months minimum so they might as well change now.
Howard said these things don't just clip into your ears as easy as he thought. He said he needs some practice getting them in. Howard said the good thing is that they won't give feedback on the air so no squeal. Howard said what they have to do is adjust the levels so they don't blow out their ears. Howard said they have to put a governor on the volume so they don't hurt their ears. Robin said that would be a nightmare.
Howard said he tested them out for about an hour yesterday. He said they showed how to use them yesterday and he's definitely going to use them at home. He's not sure about on the air yet. He said he's so set in his ways he's not sure what to do. Robin said they're not uncomfortable.
Howard said it's going to take some getting used to for him. He said it's just something new to him and he has to give it a chance. He said they are comfortable.
Howard said the engineers need to set them up with the volume thing and a new jack. Howard said he's going to use them all weekend to practice with them. He said they're really nice people over there. He said that the guy shook his hand so he went into his neurotic thing again. He didn't want to put his hand on his face after that. He said he was going crazy over that.
Howard said the guy's name was Chuck. He wasn't sure what the woman's name was. He said he really wants to use them and give them a fair shot. Robin said they are cool. Robin said they have six speakers in your ear. Howard didn't even know that. Howard said they have a gross little pick to use to clean them out. Robin said she wasn't told about that. Howard said you have to clean them out just in case there is ear wax in there. Howard said they'll experiment with them next week.
Howard took a call from Yucko the Clown who said Howard needs an Ultimate Nose and not ears. Howard said he thought the joke was going to be funny but it really didn't work. Howard tried to figure out how to make it funny. They were having trouble making it work. Howard said he gave him a shot and it didn't work. Fred agreed. Howard told him to work on that joke and call back in an hour. Yucko said he'd do that and hung up. Howard suggested that he just say he already has an Ultimate Nose or something like that. Howard said he shouldn't have called in with a half written joke.
Howard said Jimmy Kimmel went to the ABC Up Fronts and did some material. He does about 10 minutes of stand-up comedy. Howard said Jimmy read him some jokes and asked his advice. Howard said for every good one there were 3 bad ones. He said Yucko had no right to call in with that joke.
Howard said Yucko has to shine with those jokes when he calls in. He said that the audience expects more. Howard said the difference between being Sam Kinison and an unknown comic is picking out the good stuff. Howard said even Fred didn't give his fake laugh during that joke.
Fred said he doesn't have a fake laugh but Howard does. Howard said Robin has the genuine guffaw. Robin said she really is genuinely tickled. Fred didn't believe it.
Howard said there were some funny things on the news yesterday. Robin said she read some stuff about Lindsay Lohan asking someone for a private plane. Howard said he had that article to read.
Howard said he watched some TV shows like Smallville. He said he still loves the show. Howard said this past season has been phenomenal. Howard said that the relationship between Lois and Clark is great. He said that he still hasn't turned into Superman so there are flaws there. He said he thinks that the girl who plays Lois (Erica Durance) has come into her own. Howard said that they're working in some of the Justice League of America into the show too. He said they're working that out and they have General Zod and the Candorians from Krypton and they have good stories and good writing.
Howard said the season finale was good but then Beth called him and told him that the show was canceled. Howard said he was bummed out when he heard that. Robin said she hadn't heard that. Scott the Engineer came in and said that it is canceled. Howard said they set up this cliffhanger and now they've canceled the show. Scott said that next season is actually the next season, then they're canceled. Howard said that's fine. He said the show is actually good.
Robin read the article which is about how the show is in it's 10th season and that's the end of it. They said that Tom Welling is getting too old to play Superboy. Howard said they should just have him play Superman.
Gary and Howard talked about that and how Gary can take the show in a weird direction. King said he tested it out and went on a mile long walk with his dog and Gary was talking almost the whole time. He said that Gary has a lot of facts that just make him nuts.
Howard said he got a note from Jonathan Brandmeier yesterday and he had some weird facts about doing Phil Donahue's show with him and things like that. Howard said he doesn't recall anything like that. Howard said Gary has the ability to remember useless facts like that too.
Howard said he can't remember anything in the History of Howard Stern tapings. He said that they ask him about doing stuff and he doesn't remember. He has to ask Gary to come in and help him remember. He did an impression of Gary reminding him about everything that happened years ago.
Howard said Gary does make things better when he helps him out with stuff like that. Robin said she's had to talk about stuff from the show too and she doesn't remember the details. Howard said his whole History of Howard Stern thing is blocked out for like 6 hours and he could do it in 10 seconds by just saying he doesn't remember. Howard said Gary is like a maniac with that stuff. Howard did more of his impression of him telling him about all of this stuff. He started barking like he does with his Cousin Brucie impression.
Robin told Howard, as Gary, to tell them how they got Bill Cosby on the show. Howard did his impression of Gary telling that story. Howard was going on and on telling stories like he thinks Gary tells them.
King wanted to ask another question but Howard was still doing his Gary impression. Robin said that Gary used to talk about that Prince of Persia video game too and now it's going to be a movie. Howard did the impression talking about that and his kids and all of this stuff. Fred played some fast paced music for him to talk along to.
Howard said he heard that people don't bother having women wearing panties and stuff when they sell them on the web. King said he doesn't do that but he is into his wife's dirty panties but no one else's. Howard said he doesn't doubt that he's into this stuff as much as he says he is. King told Howard and Robin about some of that and how much he's into feet and they seemed kind of creeped out by it.
Howard said Demi Moore had her feet out at the Jimmy Kimmel party and he had a foot moment then. Howard said she had pretty hot feet and it was kind of weird. He said her feet looked good and she looked good. He said she was kind of cute with those feet out. He said he didn't think about doing anything to her feet though.
King said he's into moving feet when they're sleeping and stuff. Howard said he did steal Demi's socks and beat off on them.
Howard asked King if he has ever taken socks and jerked off on them. King said he has and he puts his dick inside the sock. He said he has to put it on the side and rub it that way. He doesn't put it inside. King said he can do it in the car. He said he has to jerk off like that. Howard asked him about the way he beats off and King was telling him all of this information about how he rubs his dick on the side of his leg and how it's the only way he can do it. He was talking about putting a sock on his face as he beats off.
King said he wonders how people jerk off the way they do. He can only do it the way he just described. King asked Howard about beating off. Howard said he didn't do it the other night because he didn't want to stay up and clean up after. He said that he's hard like 90 percent of the day. King said he is too.
King was talking about lipstick and dirty feet but it wasn't clear what he was talking about. King explained how his wife puts lipstick on and she puts her feet up in the air so he's seeing her dirty feet and her lipstick on. King said that he wants to see that at the same time. Howard said that's some nasty shit and guys are fucked up. He said that must come from his relationship with his mother. King said he had a good relationship with his mother. He said it was beautiful. Howard said he had to get going after that.
King asked if he could see Beth's feet. Howard said he's not going to do that. He said it's creepy having him looking at her feet. King was giggling and saying ''please'' to him. Howard said he's going to take a picture of his own feet and send it to him instead. He wants to hear him telling a story about beating off to his feet or Benjy's feet.
Howard asked if his parents are upset that they sent him to a private school and he ended up being a street sweeper. King said his mother is in a nursing home now. He said he used to go to a white school but he went to hang out with the black kids in the area around where he lives.
Howard figured that King had to learn to speak the way he does. King said he can talk ''regular'' so he did that for Howard a little bit. Howard said he knew he could do that. Howard said he saw a guy doing that in a movie he saw but he overdid it. Howard said it was in the Crocodile Dundee movie. King said you can't over do it because people will notice.
Howard told the listeners not to send email about King. Fred said it was too late. They were already sending in mail. Howard said he knows that they're going to say they had to turn off the show. Fred said they get that and they also get ''if you have him on one more time, I'm canceling all of my subscriptions.'' Howard said they should just go do it. Howard said they can afford to weed out a few. He said SIRIUS just added a bunch of new subscribers so they can lose a few.
Howard said that feet thing is weird. Robin said it is but not the weirdest. Howard said he's not into feet but he does see them as sexy at times. Howard said he loves girls. He took home that 3D playboy last night and he was going to beat off to it but it would have felt too weird. Howard said he's not beating off in 3D.
Gary said that Vinnie isn't going to make the money back even if he sells out the show. Howard asked how his wife is doing. Gary said she was on board the last time they spoke to her. Howard said Vinnie should be investing his money instead of spending it on this.
That led to Fred playing some ''Restless, Restless'' clips of Vinnie singing with his partner Tom. Howard wondered if Letterman really meets with Vinnie over at CBS. He said he must not. He can't imagine what those meetings would be like.
Howard let the clips play and laughed as Vinnie was singing his song. Howard talked about Vinnie's partner Tom Gesimondo and how they worked with him at K-Rock. Howard said he heard that Tom has a ponytail that he only lets down when he's writing music.
Gary said this is like the guy Jonathan Larson who wrote Rent. He said that he wrote a bunch of stuff but eventually had one hit. He said Vinnie could end up like that with this play if it works out.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Howard claims he was in California this weekend but he was at some other club in New York on Friday Night making a speech. The guy said he saw Howard too. Howard said he must have caught him. Howard said he was in New York the whole time and he made up that whole story. The caller said Howard had his goons around him and he even made a speech there. Howard told the guy to tell everyone what he said. The caller didn't remember what it was. Howard said the guy has been sniffing too many paint fumes. Howard hung up on him. He said that would be a pretty elaborate lie if he had been there. Howard said maybe it was a look alike. Howard jokingly told Gary to erase that from the replay so people don't know he's lying.
Howard said they're saying she could end up in jail for 180 days if she doesn't show up to court again. Gary came in and asked why Lindsay isn't booking a regular flight. Howard said she thinks that she's going to get home faster. He said she's spoiled and coddled. Gary said she's like Jeff the Drunk. Howard said if he had a private jet he'd pack the plane full of lesbians so he could watch a show.
Howard said Pete is right, she is doing a book signing there in Pittsburgh. Pete said he's going to buy a book just so he can talk to her for 30 seconds. He said he knows she'll just brush him off. Howard said she actually doesn't do that. He said she will talk to the guy. Fred said the book signing is on May 26th. Pete said he knows where she's appearing so he will be there. Howard told Pete he had to get going.
Pete asked Howard if he retired, would people in Hollywood still want to hang with him. Howard said he thinks that they were excited to meet him based on what he's done in his career and he liked meeting them. He's not sure if it would be the same if he retired. Pete said he wouldn't feel the same.
Howard said he had Vinnie on the phone but he has to take a break. He said he loves Vinnie but he hates that he's going through so much money. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard said he heard that Doug Goodstein was watching their show in 3D. They have the technology to turn it all into 3D but they can't put it up on Howard TV yet. That led to Fred throwing in some Little Lupe audio clips. Howard said he's been going around saying ''Vagina poosy'' like she says. Howard said he has to be careful doing that. Howard said he has to get Little Lupe in there before they leave so she can be on with the inventor of the Sybian.
Howard got Vinnie Favale on the phone and said he heard that he's spent over $100,000 on this play he's working on. Vinnie said that it might be over that now but he thinks he'll get some of it back. Howard said he won't.
Howard said Vinnie had some deaths in his family so he wrote this play called Hereafter (HereafterMusical.com). Howard had the name wrong so Vinnie had to correct him. Vinnie said that's the name of a movie that's coming out with Clint Eastwood in it so he may have to change the name of the play. He said that would suck because he's put so much time into the logos and business cards and stuff.
Howard said he asked to hear some of the music from the show and Vinnie sent him a whole packet of merchandise with logos and key rings and all of this stuff. He said it wasn't actually key rings but it was stuff like that. Howard said he loves Vinnie and he's a sweetheart but he's not making a ton of dough. He's making a good living but his wife would probably like a new coat or something. Vinnie said his wife and son have made some sacrifices and it makes him wonder if he's gone too far.
Howard told Vinnie to call his play ''Avatar 2'' or something. Vinnie said he can't copyright a title so he can't do anything about the movie.
Howard said Vinnie has put his own money into this thing and it might be nonsense at this point. Howard said he's taken over a hundred grand and put it into this play. Vinnie said that it's a musical so he has to teach people how to sing the songs and stuff like that. Howard figured he'd do that after he sells it. Vinnie said that's not the way it works.
Vinnie said they're going to do a run through of the play this Saturday night and they have this woman Christine Johnson from CBS doing the hosting that night. Vinnie said that he is paying the people to appear in it so there's more money he has to put out. He said he has to pay 9 people.
Howard said that Vinnie is holding this rehearsal of this thing at the Ranney School in Tinton Falls, New Jersey. You can get tickets at HereafterMusical.com.
Howard asked Vinnie if it's true that he could make $10,000 on this thing but he's already spent $14,000. Vinnie said that is true but that 4,000 is buying a lot. Gary said that 10 grand is only if it sells out. Howard said Vinnie has merchandise to sell too and he had to spend money on that. Vinnie said he's so proud of this thing. He said they've done so much work on it.
Howard asked Vinnie when he last spoke to David Letterman. Vinnie said he sees him every day through his producers and assistant but he hasn't really spoken directly to him since the History of Howard Stern thing they did.
Robin said he should say they just speak once in a while. Howard asked if Dave thinks he's nuts. Vinnie laughed and said ''probably.'' Howard said he speaks to President Obama through his radio like Vinnie speaks to Dave through his people.
Howard said he had John Stamos on the phone. Vinnie said John broke his heart. He said that he wanted John to sing in his play but John said he can't sing like the guy he had. John said he's not a singer. Vinnie said he was in ''Bye Bye Birdie.'' John said he was doing 8 shows a week when he asked him to do that. Vinnie said he knew that.
Howard played some of the music from Vinnie's play and he said it doesn't sound all that bad. He said it sounds like any other Broadway play. Howard let one of the songs play and asked Vinnie what he had to pay the woman to sing that. Vinnie didn't say but said that she's a great singer. Howard let the song play some more after that.
Howard gave Vinnie some more plugs for this big rehearsals of the play and for his web site HereafterMusical.com. Robin asked if the song that they played was the big one in the play. Vinnie said it wasn't and told Howard to play another track that was a big one. Howard said Vinnie had to hire a whole orchestra to do this song and it cost him a pretty penny.
John Stamos said that he's never doing another play. Vinnie said John didn't seem very happy doing ''Bye Bye Birdie.'' John told Vinnie to stick to writing his music and they'll write the jokes.
Howard let the other song play and he had Alan Kalter doing the talk up in that one. John said that he loves the music but it's going to be tough to get it on Broadway. Vinnie said it doesn't have to make it to Broadway. He said it's great that he's been able to do the play at a couple of places and that's all that counts. He said he's hoping that it will go on for years and years.
Howard played more of the song and goofed on Vinnie for a little bit. John said he loved the music and he would have done the show if he could have. Vinnie said he understands why he couldn't do it. Vinnie said that it was before he was doing the play but he was in rehearsals at the time. Vinnie asked John how much he had to learn in rehearsals. John said they were 15 hour days.
Howard said that was enough from the love birds. He said he wanted to keep John on and let Vinnie go. Howard tried to work it out on the board. Vinnie mentioned that he saw Jerry O'Connell the other day. Howard said that's a faux paux right there. Howard said that Jerry is married to John's ex-wife. Howard said John doesn't want to hear about Jerry. Vinnie said he's never heard him talk about him before. Howard said John feels bad for Jerry. John asked what's that word ''sloppy seconds.''
Howard took a call from a guy who said that those two songs were the worst he's ever seen. The caller said his son has a band and he antes to have a competition against Scott's son's band. Howard said that was another topic and hung up.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that the lyrics in one of the songs weren't original. Vinnie said he credits the writer for that and it was an old poem that he was quoting in that song.
Another caller asked how Vinnie's wife puts up with this. Vinnie said she is great and she will be at the show.
Another caller said Vinnie's music makes him want to die. Vinnie said he should put a woman on because it's a woman's show. Howard said he likes it. He played some more examples of the music from the play. Howard took another call from a woman who said they were sour notes on there.
Vinnie asked where his Facebook friends are. Howard said he friends anyone on there. Vinnie said they friend him, he doesn't friend anyone. Vinnie said that if you do like it then you can check out the musical and more info at HereafterMusical.com. Howard let Vinnie go after that.
John said he's been getting calls all week long about this party. Howard said he was going to tell John what happened. John said he's going to tell him what he's wrong about. Howard said he spent most of the time at the party with John. John said he wasn't able to get rid of Howard. He said it was Howard being nervous and spending all of his time with him. Howard said that girl that was with John, Nikki, was super hot. John said that she's not there with him this morning. Howard asked if she's his girlfriend. John said no. He said she got mad at him after that night.
Howard said John walked in with the most gorgeous girl that night and then John was talking about the girls he's banged, that's why she got mad. John said that's not true. He said he heard Courteney Cox telling him about how he taught her how to play drums. Howard said that she made out with him once. John said that's true. Howard said John is the one who was making it sound like he had fucked everyone there. Howard said John is the one who makes comments about the girls and it leads him to believe he fucked them. Howard said he got the feeling he fucked Demi and Courteney. Howard said he gives him a look and them mumbles something.
Howard asked John why Nikki was mad at him. John said he and Howard are buddies. John said Howard tells him stories about other girls too. Howard said he tells him he wishes he could fuck some of the girls. John said he has a new story about Howard fucking some chick. He said he's not going to talk about it on the air but he will off the air. Howard told him to never bring it up. Howard asked if it's what John revealed about his sex life that upset Nikki. John said that wasn't it.
Howard said that he loves John. He didn't have Jerry O'Connell and Rebecca there because he knew it would be awkward for him. Howard said he did that because he likes John and John was going to be there. He said he likes Jerry and Rebecca but he didn't want to make John uncomfortable.
Howard said that John walked into the party with this stunning girl. He had a bag of t-shirts in his hand too. John said he's going to send the note he got from Howard about that stuff so he can prove he's not wrong in this. Howard said he'd better not because that was private. Howard said this girl John was with was so gorgeous. Howard said they were saying that everything between them was great too. Howard asked why he can't make her his girlfriend. John said there's nothing wrong. Howard said John would worship that girl if he looked like him. Howard asked what's wrong with the girl. John said they're dating. Howard said they date and fuck. Howard said that when a girl fucks you then she's emotionally involved. Howard said he's going to destroy her eventually. Robin said she'll just have to move on like all of the other girls do.
Howard asked John where this girl is ranked, number one or number two. John said she's the greatest girl he's met and he hopes to make it work. He said he dated before he went to New York and now he's back. Howard said it must be great to be that good looking. He can brush this hot chick off like it's nothing. Howard said this guy fucks more than anyone on the planet.
John said he sent Howard a message about the t-shirts that he brought to the party. Howard said he never got that message. Howard said it must be great to be John Stamos. He said this girl was chasing him around.
Howard said Ralph told John to just mail the shirts to him. John said he asked Howard to tell him what his fake name was at the hotel and he never told him. John said he called him a shit head and he said he threw the t-shirts in the garbage. Howard said it was easier to throw them out than give them away to someone.
Howard said he brought Jimmy a $400 bottle of red wine too so Robin was wrong saying that he didn't bring anything to him. Robin said she didn't know that.
Howard said Jimmy was really bummed about John saying that he should have invited Don Rickles. Howard heard that John was upset that Jeff Probst was there and Don Rickles wasn't even there. John said that Don called him. He didn't call Don. John said that Don's son heard Howard talking about the party and that's how he found out about it. John said he told Jimmy about it because Don is going to be on his show in a couple of weeks and he's going to bust his balls over it. He said he was just warning Jimmy so he's know it was coming.
Howard said Don Rickles is 80 years old and he wouldn't have wanted to sit at that loud party. John said that Don is on Jimmy's show in a week and he's going to talk to him about that story. Howard asked who else is upset about the party. John said that Don is good friends with Jimmy so that's why he was letting him know.
Howard said this is weird. He asked John if he's jealous that he's friends with jimmy. John said he's not. Howard said Don Rickles used to talk about his vacations with Bob Newhart and he thinks that he and Jimmy are turning into Don Rickles and Bob Newhart. Howard said he and Jimmy go on vacation all the time.
Howard also talked about how John and Mark McGrath got into it at the party. Howard said that John and Mark were the only ''real'' musicians there and John was taking it way too seriously. John was getting upset when they wouldn't finish a song. Howard said he was taking all of the fun out of it. John said that he and McGrath are fine and they're not fighting. He said they're going to hang out this weekend. Howard asked if he told him to learn a few songs. John said he should know some songs.
Howard said John had words with him about Mark and Mark felt that John was angry with him after the party. John said he has emails from Mark about it and he's not upset. Howard said John was freaking out that they didn't know any songs. John read an email from Mark where he says he's not sure what Howard was talking about and he's not upset with John at all.
Howard apologized to John. John said it hurt his feelings. Howard said he's sorry. John said that he threw away his t-shirts. Howard said he didn't like any of them. He said he actually did keep one but he did try to like the rest. John said he was upset about the wine he gave Jimmy and how Robin said he didn't give Jimmy anything. Howard said he should have given him the wine and Jimmy the t-shirts.
Howard said he can't imagine making love to that Nikki girl. John said he's taking some time off of work so he has to figure out what his problem is. John said he has to figure out why he can't fall in love. Howard said this girl is so hot and they'd have the most beautiful children if they had kids. Robin asked what's stopping John. Howard said John gets so much pussy that he's overdosed on it. John said he's only had 3 girls in the past year. Howard said he was on Dancing with the Stars and asked him who he should fuck there. John said that was a joke. John said they don't care about him there.
John said he's upset about Robin saying he's got diseases and stuff. Robin said she never said such a thing. Howard said he knows he doesn't have any diseases because he stuck it in his ass.
Gary said he went out to the set of E.R. a couple of years ago and John gave him a tour. He said he was thinking about all of the girls he works with and which ones he thinks he fucked. Gary said that John is fucking 10's too.
Howard said John told him that Beth wasn't going to be the last one he banged. Howard said that you have to put some work into it and you can't just give up on these girls. Howard said you have to be open to a relationship. Howard said that this Nikki is very hot, she fucks like a champ and she's great. He asked John what his problem is. John said he has to figure out what it is.
Gary asked how long John can stop working. John said he could quit forever. John said he's going to be on Entourage this season and they want Howard on there too but he hates the show. Howard said he doesn't hate the show, he just doesn't watch it. He said he likes those guys and he's had them on the show.
Howard said that John is the problem because he hates ugly people and he's afraid the girls are going to get ugly. John said that's not true.
Fred said that John is going to keep going like this until his looks are gone. He said that will happen one day too. Howard said John doesn't want to hear that. Fred said that Michael Douglas lost his looks. John said that Fred loves to hammer him. He said he thinks that Fred is genius but he's always beat him up. Fred said that's not true. John said that Fred has said that Rebecca wasn't a super model and things like that. Gary said he doesn't think that conversation has ever come up. Fred said he thinks that she is a super model.
Fred told John he's going to be Michael Douglas in 10 years. He told him to keep laughing it up. John asked why he's so mad at him. Fred said he's not mad, he just needs some tough love. Fred said that if he got a little bit ugly he'd find the girl of his dreams.
Howard said John's problem is that he's got too many options. John said he's almost 50 so when is he going to lose his looks. Fred said it will happen. He said that eventually a 20 year old is going to look at him and say he's a codger. Howard said Jack Nicholson is still out there fucking chicks. Fred said it might not be that many now though. Fred said John is crying over this girl problem he has and he just doesn't want to fall in love.
Howard asked John if he fucked Fred's wife or something. John said he loves Fred no matter what he says to him. Fred said he will give John Robert Redford's number and he'll tell him about how it is.
Howard said Fred is worried that in 2026 John will be dating his daughter. Fred said that will never happen. He said he'd shoot out his kneecaps before he'd let that happen.
John mentioned that Ralph kept calling his house. Howard said Ralph should stop doing that because he's on the air. He said Ralph should call the show if he wants to talk to him.
Howard asked John why he would trust Johnny Knoxville's moonshine at the party. He said no one knows what the fuck was in that. He said Beth drank a bunch of it. John said that everyone drank it but Howard. Howard said they had a great time there at the party though.
John wondered if they had cleared everything up. He went through all of the subjects and said they were all cleared up. Howard said John really was upset that Mark McGrath didn't know any songs. He said he came up to him after the band stuff and said that he was annoyed.
Ralph called in and said that John said that he has to stop worrying about this stuff so much and just have some fun. Howard said John can't listen to Ralph. He said that Ralph thought he was an asshole for getting married. Ralph said that John also said that Jimmy is a ''Howard hog.'' Howard asked what that means. John said that he does think that's the case. Ralph said that Jimmy had Howard tied up all three nights out there. Howard said that somehow happened but that was Beth who lined it up.
Howard said John didn't ask him out to dinner. John said he did. He asked to hang out by the pool. Howard said he doesn't need to be in a bathing suit next to John Stamos. Howard said he can't believe that John called Jimmy a ''Howard hog.'' Fred said he was sorry he went off on John because he just realized he's upset about losing Howard to Jimmy.
Ralph said that John may not have said that in those exact words. John said that people are bullshitting. Ralph said he never said that Howard was an asshole for getting married. Ralph said Howard stopped the partying as soon as he met Beth and it wasn't the marriage.
Howard asked Ralph about the t-shirt thing too. Ralph said that the t-shirts were stupid and no one cares if Joey Ramone used to wear them or not. Howard asked John if he thinks Ralph does a good job of dressing him. Howard thinks he does. John didn't really say much about it.
Howard told John they're square now. John said they're always square. He said he just felt bad about this weekend. Howard asked John how he's going to figure out whey he can't fall in love. John said he's going to therapy once a month. Howard asked how else he's going to address it. John said he'll talk to Howard about it.
John said he thinks that Howard gets everyone else to do his dirty work for him now. He said that's what therapy has done for him. Howard said he has said plenty of bad things about John and that got him upset. John said that's true. He said he thinks that Artie was the one who was doing his dirty work for a while when he was in there. Howard said he didn't agree with what Artie would say when he used the N-word. John was reading way too much into this according to Howard.
Howard said John was goofing on Jimmy's house. John said all he said was that it looked like the house he had when he was 18. Howard said that's making fun of Jimmy's house. John said maybe Howard can be friends with Jimmy and he'll be friends with someone else.
Howard said he and John were going to go on vacation together. John said he was going to but he doesn't want to go to Howard's house. He wants to go out on a boat or something. Howard said he would do that in the winter but not in the summer.
Howard said he's never had guys fight over him like this before. John said that he and Howard have nothing in common. John said they don't watch the same shows, they don't read the same books or anything like that. Howard asked why he likes him. John said he's known him for 25 years. Howard told John to just ask him the key question and ask who he would save if the three of them were in a boat. Jimmy, Howard and John. Howard said he would actually kill John because that would send him up a notch. John said this was a fun phone call. He got up at 4:30 in the morning to do this.
John said he thinks that he'll get married in the next 3-4 years. He said it won't be Nikki. Nikki is mad at him right now. John asked who his favorite girl is. Ralph said it was Leah. John said she was there with him right now. Howard asked why John didn't bring her to the party then. John didn't answer. Ralph said that John was having a hard time deciding on who he was going to bring to the party. John said he brought Nikki because she had spent time with Howard and Beth and they liked her. Howard said he liked Leah too though.
Gary came in with an F, Marry Kill for Howard. It was John, Ralph and Jimmy. Howard said he would have to fuck John Stamos... hard, kill Ralph and marry Jimmy. Howard said John can't commit so he can't marry him. Howard said he loves Ralph but he can't even invite him over to his house.
John said he heard what Ralph did to get kicked out of Howard's house. Howard said Ralph has a lot of growing up to do. He said he has to watch what he says to people. Ralph said he was drunk. Robin made fun of him about that so Ralph said they don't talk about what she does when she gets drunk. Robin didn't want to go there.
Howard asked John if Nikki is the best lay of his life, and Leah is there with him, then she must not be the best lay of his life. John said that they're equal. Howard said that's not what he told him. Howard asked John if he's in love with Leah. John said he is but then Howard asked why he was out with Nikki. John didn't have an answer. John said he's grateful for his life and he's very happy. He knows he's lucky and he couldn't be luckier or happier.
Leah woke up so John put her on the phone. Howard asked Leah about John and why he says he's in love with her but he can't get married and be in a relationship. He asked her why she keeps going back. Leah said she has no idea. She said John is making her work for it. Howard asked if she can seal the deal. She said eventually she can. Ralph said she's crazy too because she has a boyfriend. Leah said that's over. Howard asked if it drives her crazy that John is dating. She said she's seeing other people too. She said they don't talk about that stuff.
Howard asked Leah if she would marry John tomorrow if he asked her to marry him. She said no but then said that if he asked her father's permission she probably would. Howard asked if she's seeing any other famous guys. She said that she's not. Howard figured she's dating some rich guys. Howard asked Leah if John is the best lay she's ever had. Leah laughed. She said she has had the most fun with him. Howard asked if he has the biggest penis. She said she can't say that. Howard said he thinks that he's pretty big according to his wife. Howard said John was really fun when he was married. He was running around without any underpants on.
Howard said that it sounds like John isn't the best lay of her life. She said that they'll have to see about that. Howard asked if she was upset that she wasn't at Jimmy's party. She said she wasn't upset. Howard asked if they made love last night. Leah said no. She said she was out at a concert. She saw Massive Attack. Howard asked if John is the oldest guy she's dated. She said yes. Howard asked if she was a ''Full House'' fan. She said she saw it in reruns. Howard said she's just out of high school. She said it was 6 years out of high school. Howard said John used to drop her off at high school.
Howard asked Leah what she was wearing. She said she had to go but she was wearing a tank top and no bottoms. Howard said that was nice and told her to let it all air out. Howard asked how old her mom is. She said that she's a couple years older than John.
John got back on the phone and Howard told him that she said his cock wasn't the biggest she's had. John called her back in the room to ask about that but Howard had to get going. He said he loves John and let him promote the Entourage thing. John told him to go easy on him this week. Howard said he didn't know he was being so bad. Howard told him he has to want to be in love to fall in love. He wrapped up and let John go after that. Howard said that they got to the bottom of all of that stuff.
Howard said that Leah was at his wedding. Robin said she met her then. Howard said she's got a sexy voice. He said he's not sure who is having the better life, Woody Harrelson or John Stamos. He said he thinks it's Stamos. Robin said most guys would want Stamos' life. Howard said when he was single for those few months he was in bed with a famous woman. He said they spent the night together and she blew him. Howard said she turned to him and said she couldn't believe that she was even liking him. Howard said John has never heard that. Howard said it was a shock to the woman that she was able to like him. Howard said he had to work a broad. John doesn't have to do that. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and talked about that prank call Fred had just played. He also liked the song Fred was playing. Howard said he didn't get to see American Idol last night. He wondered who got booted. He said it was probably the blond haired guy. Jon Hein told him that Casey James got booted.
Howard said he was listening to the Wrap Up Show yesterday and they had Jeff the Drunk on. He said it was really compelling. Jeff was on the phone so Howard explained what was going on during that show yesterday. Howard said Will hates Jeff and a lot of people were upset with him.
Howard asked Jeff if he could sell the trailer and get some money. Jeff said he could probably get $50,000 or so for it. Jeff said he was going to explain why the trailer is his. Howard said that it's legally not his. Jeff said he's going to hang up if he pisses him off again. Howard said he has to calm down.
Howard asked why it's his trailer. Jeff said when his mother died he asked his brother to move in with him. Howard said he heard that on the Wrap Up Show yesterday. Jeff said he asked his brother and that was it. He said he didn't ask for total strangers to move in with him. He said no one was complaining about whose trailer it was back then. He said they knew it was his. Jeff said it is his. Howard asked if his mother willed it to him. Jeff said she didn't but all of his siblings know that it's his. Howard said if it's legally his he can throw his brother out of it right now. He said he could call the police and have him removed.
Jeff said he asked his brother to move in and he could have asked anyone to move in. Jeff said he had no legal right to do that. Howard asked if there is a deed showing that he owns it. Jeff said there isn't. Robin said he would have been better off asking a total stranger to move in.
Jeff said he asked his brother to move in thinking it was going to be a bachelor pad. He said they were splitting the bill 2 ways. Howard said he agrees with Jeff that the girlfriend should be paying a third. Jeff said he wasn't even at that stage yet. Howard said he gets all of that. He wanted to abbreviate it.
Howard said that Jeff is being unrealistic. Howard said he might have kids living in the trailer if he gets this chick pregnant. Jeff said that he already has kids living in there. Jeff said he was under the assumption it was going to be a bachelor pad but he moved his girlfriend in 6 months into that. Then she brought in her 3 kids. Jeff said they didn't say a word to him about that. They just moved the kids in.
Jeff said that this is a new girlfriend that he has in there. Howard said this guy has a much fuller life than Jeff does. Jeff said he put an end to that when he became the live in baby sitter. He said that she left her kids in the house with him one day. Robin was laughing and asking if they could imagine a woman who would leave her kids with Jeff. Howard said that could have led to a job if he had taken care of the kids. Jeff told him to stop.
Howard asked Jeff what he wants him to do. Jeff said he wrote a letter to his brother. Howard asked if the whole trailer shakes when his brother is fucking these women. Jeff said it doesn't.
Jeff said this new girl moved in and things were okay for a year. Then he wrote this letter to his brother. He read the note that he wrote and Jeff was telling his brother he had taken advantage of him enough and he was done with it. Howard told Jeff he's a good reader. Jeff went on to read about how he feels he has to walk on egg shells in his own house. Jeff asked Howard not to make him repeat.
Jeff continued the letter and he was asking his brother to only make him pay 1/3 of the bills in the house since the girl has been living there for a year rent free.
Howard asked Jeff what he wants him to do on the air. Jeff kept reading his long letter to his brother as Howard was asking the question. Howard asked him again what he wants him to do. He told him he has to move out or get together with the brothers and sisters and just sell the place and split the money. Jeff said he spoke to his other brother and he finally spoke to this brother yesterday. Howard asked why he can't confront his brother and do this on his own. Jeff said he doesn't give a fuck what he says or thinks.
Howard asked what the brother said to the other brother. Jeff said he's not sure but he heard that he might be getting ready to leave. Jeff said the bottom line is that he asked his brother to move in with him and it's unfair that he's had to pay half. Howard said he should just be happy when he leaves. Jeff said he won't have another roommate. He said he will pay for it all himself now. Howard asked when he expects him to move out. Jeff said he hopes it's soon.
Jeff said he heard his brother whispering to his girlfriend that he had to move his stuff out of the shed so he thinks that it's going to happen.
Howard said he thinks that Jeff should get a part time job and make a few more bucks. Jeff said that's another thing. He said all of the jobs he's had are sitting down jobs. He said he doesn't want to sit down. Jeff said he isn't the healthiest mother fucker in the world. Howard asked whose fault that is. Jeff said they paint him to be like the strongest, healthiest guy in the world. Howard said he's in bad health from sitting around drinking, smoking and eating poorly. Jeff said he wants to change all of that. Howard said he's proud of him for that.
Howard said Gary the Retard is working and he just got promoted at his job. Howard said Gary has people working under him. Robin said he's the retarded boss. Howard said Jeff would have purpose in his life if he got a job. Howard said he had enough a short time later. Howard told Robin that she should have heard the Wrap Up Show yesterday. Robin said that was her favorite thing on the show. Howard said the brother hasn't moved out yet so this might not be over.
Howard said it's official that she's been dropped from the movie. Howard said this is a classic example of dopey people. He said she's only 24 and at 24 you don't know shit. Howard said that there are few people who understand the world at that age. Howard said he was blessed at that age so he knew how to work a boss and walk the tight rope. Howard said this girl is so dumb that she got a break and blew it. Howard said she should have played the game a little bit and kissed a little ass. He said she's not creative, she's just a dopey actress. Howard said someone has to write the lines for her to say. He said she isn't Meryl Streep or Woody Harrelson or Robert Downey Jr. Robin said she's not even Julia Roberts. Howard said he's glad she said that and not him.
Robin said you see this all the time and these young girls think their looks are going to take them everywhere.
Robin asked about her wacky personality. Howard said he thinks that they could be playing that up to make it easier to kick her off the show. Howard said he'd have to go see her over the guy she's up against. Howard said they're both horrible though.
Howard complained about the judges on the show and how bad they've been lately. He said the show has been really shitty lately. Howard said that Simon has it right with this new show he's working on. He said that the judges are going to mentor the kids on the show. That's what's missing from American Idol.
Howard said he saw a story in the paper about Kevin Costner that's very interesting. He said that he's taking his own money and inventing machines that would clean up the ocean like a vacuum cleaner. Howard said his brother actually invented this stuff. Howard said this is why America is great. Howard said people wouldn't even talk to the guy about this stuff until this oil spill happened. Howard said they're taking his calls now. Costner thinks that he can clean up the ocean now. Robin said they have a machine that separates water from oil. Howard said he ran into Carrot Top the other day and he told him he had a cure for AIDS so he has to start listening to these guys.
The first phrase Gary had to fill in was ''Misery loves _____.'' Gary the Retard said it was ''women''' and the caller guessed that he would get it wrong. He got that one right.
Next up was ''It's the early bird that gets the _____.'' The caller, Bill, said that Gary would know it. He was right, Gary said ''worm.''
The next one was ''Money is the root of all _____.'' Bill said Gary would know that one too. Howard said he wasn't so sure about that. Gary answered ''money don't grow on trees.''
The next phrase was ''Finger lickin' _____.'' Bill said he had to know that one. Gary said ''good.'' Bill won $711 from 7-Eleven for that win. Howard put the guy on hold and said he had so much more to get to.
Howard played some of the clip and goofed on Smith about what he was saying. Howard wondered what the hell he was talking about. Robin didn't know. Howard said that is one fucked up brother. Howard said if he went on a talk show and did an interview like that people would have him locked up. Robins said that's why he's not on too many talk shows.
Howard said if Robin scored a 34 on the narcissist test then this guy has to be like a 134. Howard played more of the clip and showed just how nutty Will Smith has gotten. Howard said if he went on Letterman talking like this Letterman would throw him off the show. Howard did an impression of Will and threw out some nonsense that didn't sound that much different than what Smith was saying.
Howard said this is what Hollywood will do to a person. Howard said Will was also on Oprah's show and she was joining in on what Smith was saying. Howard did an impression of Oprah talking to Will Smith and talking about how she agrees with him and just joins in on what he's saying.
Howard played the Oprah interview clip and Oprah was just giving Smith the ''Mmm Hmm'' to anything he said no matter how wacky it was. Howard said he'd ask the guy what he means. Howard had to rewind the clip so he could hear one big ''Mmm Hmm'' that she let out. Howard said everyone was saying all the right things. He said he had to get to the news and save the rest of this for next week.
Howard couldn't stop himself from playing more clips. He said even the kids were getting into all of this. Howard played a clip where Oprah talked to Will flying back into town to see his son Trey play football. Will was basically talking about how wonderful he is. Oprah said it was amazing and asked Trey if he thought it was amazing.
Howard said there was a lot of funny stuff in those clips. He had a lot more to play but he had to hold it until next time. They went to break after that.
Howard said that a lot of people who send in stuff think they're more talented than they really are. He said that happens with a lot of people. Howard played the song and cut it off 10 seconds into it. Howard said the tune was great. It was Led Zeppelin. He asked Mimo if he wrote that part. He played more of the song and Mimo was singing to Howard ''please don't go'' to the tune of ''D'Yer Mak'er'' and saying that they'd pay double for his show if he stays. Robin said it was kind of tedious. Mimo said he needs to let the song play. Howard said everything inside his body is screaming not to let it play.
Howard played a little more of the song and cut it off. He told Mimo that it wasn't that good. Mimo told him he has to let it play. He said it's a tribute to his career. Mimo said that he just won $650 for Howard playing the song. He said he has to play the whole thing to get paid though. Howard said he's listing things that he's done in his career but the song isn't that good. Howard said if he heard the song on the air he wouldn't listen anymore. Mimo said he'd laugh.
Howard let Mimo go and said he had a new song from Little Mikey. He played that one for Robin and she just said ''oh my god...'' Howard had a couple of songs for her from Mikey. Howard said they have to go through a lot to get anything close to being good. Robin said that they've been pounded by mediocrity so much that he thinks those songs are good ones. Howard said Mimo was just listing things that he did in his career.
Howard had Fred play him some music so he could make up a song parody about Star Trek. Fred did that and then Howard made up the song as he was going along. It was a tribute to William Shatner. He just threw everything he knew about Star Trek into the song. Howard said that's what Mimo did with his song. Fred played some more music and Howard did another one about Will Smith on Oprah.
Will was talking about how he taught his son to hunt. That's how he showed him how to be a man. Will said that he's teaching his son how to hunt while he's working on a film. Howard said the guy is out of his mind.
Howard played clip after clip of Oprah ''Mmm Hmm'ing'' Will and Jada as they spewed their nonsense. Howard said he could do the same thing and bullshit his way through an interview like that. Howard did an impression of what that would sound like. Fred had isolated the Oprah ''Mmm Hmm'' clip so he threw that in as Howard was talking. He had her saying ''Amazing! That's amazing!'' too.
Howard said Will and his wife are saying stuff that's so obvious and they're not saying anything profound. Howard said that they could be saying ''you have to give your kids food to live'' and things like that. Howard goofed on them for congratulating themselves for not making their son work too hard on a film.
Howard did an impression of Will telling Oprah that you have to plug a light into the wall to make it turn on. Fred threw some more ''Mmm Hmm'' clips in as he was doing that. Howard came up with some other things that Will could tell everyone that they already know. He had him telling Oprah that there are Polar Bears at the zoo and Oprah saying ''Mmm Hmm.''
Howard played a clip from the show where an audience member was asking for advice from Will and Jada about punishment. Will Smith was saying that they don't exactly believe in punishment per se. Will said there are consequences to your actions so that's what they teach. He said they believe in restriction. He said you can have as much freedom as you can handle. Then they start restricting.
Howard said this is what happens in Hollywood if you spend too much time out there. Howard said people start saying ''Mmm Hmm'' to you about everything you say. Oprah told Will that it was good parenting in that clip.
Howard said that no one knows what anyone else is saying but they're complimenting each other. Howard said this is why he has to get out of the business. Howard said these people lose their minds. Robin told Howard to just look at Eddie Murphy. Howard did an impression of Eddie talking about the Donkey character in Shrek.
Howard said he could play this stuff all day long. He had more of the Will Smith stuff to play but it was quarter past 10 already. He told Gary to remind him next week to play more.
Steve said that Jessica Shaw has backed out of an interview with Howard 100 News because of a mistake she made about Howard making up the rumor about him being a judge on American Idol. Howard said she just wanted to disparage him on TV and get away with it.
Steve said that Pastor Manning has been found guilty of some fraud charges. He had some details about that. There's also a story about Robin showing up on a Vegan web site in an interview.
Howard said that he was talking about Megan Fox earlier but what about this David Hasselhoff being replaced by Howie Mandel on America's Got Talent. Howard said they threw the guy off the show and gave Howie the job. Howard said the Hoff is very self destructive.
Steve said there's a charity ride down in Tampa that Bubba the Love Sponge is involved with. Howard said Bubba is involved in all kinds of stuff down there.
Steve said they have the Shit Shed Show with Andy Dick tonight at Midnight and Celebrity Superfan Roundtable tomorrow night at 8.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran down his list of subjects for today's show. After that Howard had Mutt from Superfan Roundtable on the phone to promote tonight's show. Mutt said they're going to be talking to Cowhead from Bubba's station down in Tampa. They have a lot of things to talk about from the show this week too. They're going to talk about whether or not Howard will move to L.A. and about Jeff the Drunk.
Howard let Mutt go and spent a little more time talking about Jeff the Drunk. Howard said Jeff has some issues. He wanted to move on but Gary had come in to talk about him some more. Gary said that he thinks that Jeff should just try to find work even if he can't find a job.
Robin read a story about Floyd Landis used performance enhancing drugs when he was bicycling. Robin said that Landis claims that Lance Armstrong's coach introduced him to that stuff in 2002 and 2003. Howard said he doesn't even have the strength to carry around his iPad. He said it's a whole big deal to put pictures in the iPad. He said it's kind of a pain to do it. Howard had to do a live commercial around that time.
After the commercial Robin read a story about four kids who were arrested for rapping their order at a fast food restaurant. Robin said the judge has dismissed the case. Robin said the judge said that it wasn't illegal to do that. They were arrested because the manager thought that they were following her too close with their car when she asked them to leave. Robin had an example of what they had seen other people doing on the internet that inspired them to rap their order. Howard said it sounded kind of cool but it was pretty annoying. He played another example of the order rapping and said it could get out of control.
Robin said that in Pakistan they have started blocking Facebook because they're trying to stop people from seeing drawings of Mohammed. Robin said they say that any drawing of him is prohibited. Robin said that the whole country is in an uproar over it and there's a group that started a ''draw Mohammed'' day on Facebook.
Robin read a story about America's food supply for foods that help reduce the risk of cancer is drying up. Robin said they don't have enough of the fruits and vegetables for all of America.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he would let Beth use a strap-on on him. Howard said that would never happen. He said that would mean that there's something very wrong with him if he did that. He said they should admit him to Creedmore if that ever happens.
Another caller was rambling so Howard asked the guy if he was high. He asked what he does for a living. He's a telephone splicer. Howard said he must not have to communicate with people. Howard said he wasn't sure what the guy said but he may have said he hired Lindsay Lohan to come to a party. The guy said that's exactly what he was saying. He asked why they haven't asked her to come up there. Howard said they may not have the budget. Howard said he's really sick of that too. Howard said that other shows probably don't even have to think about something like that.
Gary said there is a lot to what Howard is saying. He said that it's tough to get stuff on the show when they have no budget. Howard said it takes months just to get an IQ test in there. Gary said that they've lowered it down to $400 now from $600. Howard didn't want to hear his explanation so he kicked Gary out of there.
Howard said it's embarrassing to be in radio. He said they have the shittiest attitude. He said they have to work these deals to make stuff happen. They have to find sponsors to have a IQ test taken. Howard said on TV they come up with an idea for a bit and they just do it. They don't have to think about how they're going to pay for it.
Gary said they have a great bit they want to do called King of the Wack Pack. They want to bring in 20 members of the Wack Pack and they want them to vote until they have a King. He said that they're never going to be able to get it done because they have to fly people in and they just don't have the budget for it.
JD came in and said that he and Richard wanted to get some piss porn clips but they had to join the web site to get them and they don't have the money for that. Howard didn't understand a word he said.
Howard said that King of All Blacks was talking about the foot thing this morning and that got Sal inspired to go on a foot fetish site to find some clips. Howard played some of those clips of creepy guys doing stuff to women's feet. Howard said he doesn't think the chick in this clip was getting turned on. He said the money she's getting paid to do the video is what was turning her on. Howard did a live commercial after that.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about prescription drug use by children. She read about how many kids are on drugs and how people just go for anything now.
Robin read about the oil spill finally invading parts of the wetlands in Louisiana. Howard said Rush Limbaugh just told them yesterday that the ocean was going to eat it all up. Howard said Rush was just addicted to Oxy and now he's claiming that the ocean is going to take care of the oil spill. Howard did an impression of Rush and had that desk slapping thing down. Robin said BP hopes to have the oil leak plugged by this weekend. Howard said maybe that slapping noise is Rush's tail.
Robin had a story about the three American hikers who are being held in jail in Iran. They got to see their mom's this week. Robin said that they've been charged with spying. Robin said that this is the first time the women have been able to see their kids since July of last year.
Robin read a story about Michelle Obama visiting a school. One of the kids asked her about immigration and Michelle said that's something they have to work on. Robin had some audio of that question being asked.
Robin read a story about President Obama meeting with the President of Mexico. She had some audio of Obama talking about some stuff during that meeting.
Robin said that Bret Michaels was on Oprah yesterday. Howard said that's amazing he's back out there already. Robin had some audio clips of Bret talking to Oprah. Howard played those clips and Bret was talking about how he knew it was bad by the way they were acting around him. He said the doctors told his family to bring his daughters to see him as quick as they could. They didn't think he was going to make it. Bret also talked about how lucky he is to still be there.
Robin had a story about Cameron Diaz doing a character in the new Shrek movie. Howard said he really doesn't care about those movies. Robin had some audio of Diaz talking about working with the people on those movies. Howard said he would rather listen to anything but those clips.
Robin said the new Sex and the City movie is coming out. Howard said he finally got his third ticket so he'll be at the premiere. Robin had some audio of one of the stars talking about that movie. Robin also had some audio of Alec Baldwin talking about having Matt Damon on an episode of 30 Rock. They ended the show a short time later, right around 11:00am.
Jon was going down the list of things they had to talk about but the Miss USA was standing out there in the lobby so they got distracted for a few seconds.
Jon also brought up the Jeff the Drunk discussion so they spent a minute on that. Gary said he thought that Mutt was calling him a dick about the Jeff the Drunk stuff during his call today but Mutt said that wasn't what he called him. Gary said he was just thinking that Jeff could go out and look for a job even if he doesn't find one.
Jon brought up the John Stamos call and talked about how that call led down a whole other path than he expected it to. Gary said John must have really been upset about what people were saying about what Howard said. Gary talked about how Jimmy took up all of Howard's time and Howard let him do it. Gary said that Howard could have said no to Jimmy but he wanted to hang out so that's what they did.
Jon asked if Ralph does that too. Gary said he doesn't think Ralph is at the same level that Stamos and Kimmel are at. Gary said maybe John should have asked Howard to ask to get together sooner. He said he's not sure who was waiting for the invite from who.
The guys were talking about Stamos and the women he gets. Benjy was saying that Stamos is a very good looking guy and he can't think of any that are better looking. Benjy said he likes his look. He said that Howard is a handsome guy too. Jon got off of that before they got sucked into Benjy's vortex.
Gary and Jon talked about the t-shirts that John gave to Howard and how he had to lug them home. Gary said that no one would have even known about this if they weren't on radio. Gary said that he has people give him stuff for Artie had he feels like he has to do it. He can't just throw it in the garbage.
Jon took a call from a guy who said everyone from Stamos to Jeff the Drunk have this feeling of entitlement. He said that's why Stamos doesn't stick with one woman.
Jon played a clip of Howard talking to John Stamos about why he can't fall in love. John said he wanted to be in love and have kids but it never happened. Howard said it was part John's fault.
Jon wondered if it's hard for John to feel bad in that situation. Gary said he said John said he doesn't have to work another day in his life if he doesn't want to and that was kind of a shock to him.
The guys talked about Fred going off on John today. Gary said that once Fred gets under your skin that's when he's at his best.
The guys were also talking about how Howard only took a few months to find another woman when he was dating. He went through some women before he met Beth and then he stopped dating.
Jon took a call from a guy who said it sounded like Stamos was bummed about not having kids with Rebecca. He said that was his one chance to settle down and have kids. Benjy said he got that feeling too. The caller also thought it was rude of Fred who brought up Jerry O'Connell. Gary thought it was Vinnie who did that. The caller said Fred did it too. Gary said if they start being nice to people they won't have a show anymore.
Jon took a call from a woman who said she doesn't get why people find Stamos so hot. She said that there are so many other guys who are better looking. Gary said he knows John is hot to women because he went to a party over the weekend and a young girl told him that Stamos was her older-man crush. Gary said that a lot of women are into the guy.
The caller's dog was barking every time she would say something about John Stamos. She apologized for that and as she was saying goodbye the dog let out one more big bark as if the dog was saying goodbye. The guys got a laugh out of that.
Jason was in and talking about the Girls Night Out group that Robin used to have and how they seem to have stopped. He said that the meetings were really just a way to get to hang out with Annemarie (their former office manger).
Jason said that he used to help Robin do a lot of stuff with her charity and he doesn't think that she ever sent out any thank you notes to people like Stamos who donated. Jason said he's pretty sure that she didn't send anything to him even though he came through for her.
Gary is going out to L.A. this weekend to help out with the Celebrity Superfan Roundtable show and he's going to hang with John Stamos too. Jon asked if that's going to be uncomfortable for him. Gary said he and John get along very well so it should be fine. He thought Howard and John had worked things out anyway. Jon and Jason weren't so sure about that.
Jon asked if it was wrong for John to bring up Rickles at the party. Jason and Gary think it was wrong. They thought he should have waited until some other time to bring it up. Jason said Jimmy had to walk around with that all night.
Jon asked if it was odd that Vinnie had asked Stamos to do a song for his musical. Gary said he thought Stamos was going to do it for a while there. He said he's not even sure how he got word to Stamos without asking him.
Jason asked how Vinnie found time to do this play when he has this full time job. Gary said he has weekends and he has time like anyone else would. Jon said he's been working on it for a very long time too. They had to go to break after that.
Ralph came in and said that Jason never gets the chance to go out there to do the Celebrity Superfan show. Gary said he has nothing to do with this show. He said that he was asked to go out there and he's doing it. Jason is hurt by this according to Jon.
Jason said that it must be Tim and Jim that don't want him doing it. Jason said he's not sure what he can bring to the table. He said he's trusted with the show for the past 5 years but when they have celebrities they don't ask him to help out at all.
Gary said he's going to the Andy Dick shed and he'll be going to the Celebrity Superfan thing. Gary said he thinks Jason is right to feel that way. He said they should ask Jason to do it. Benjy said that Gary could have spoken up about it. Gary said they should have gone to Jason and said he does a great job doing it and ask for some advice. Jason said no one cares about his feelings so that's fine, whatever. He said that it's about how his opinion is meaningless when it comes to celebrities.
Jason said he would have brought Mutt into the fold too. He said he thinks that it's better to have an outsider talk to the celebrities about the show. Gary disagrees with him on it. Gary said that it was Jeff and Natalie who came up with the idea for the show so that's why it shouldn't be an outsider.
Ralph got in a plug for the Geektime show they're doing and asked Jason if he wanted to produce that. Jason said that he must not be good enough so he wants out. Jason said that it's not Gary's fault so he's not going to put it on him. Jason said that Jim isn't there right now because he's flying out to L.A. to do the show. Jason said that he's upset that they didn't ask him one thing about doing this show. He's not even that upset about the trip out there.
Benjy said Gary could speak up to Tim about it and tell him it's wrong. Gary said he'll do that then. He said ''Tim, it's wrong.'' Gary said he supports Jason on his feelings but that doesn't mean he has to do anything.
Jon said that Vinnie is still losing money in this deal even if he sells out the show on Saturday. Ralph said it's taking up all of his time now and he never even talks to him anymore.
Vinnie called in and said that it was actually Ralph who hooked him up with Stamos. He said that Stamos liked the music but he thinks that maybe John didn't want to do it because he thought he could get him booked on the show and he really can't. He said that Stamos wasn't able to get booked on the show at the time.
Ralph said that John told him he probably would do Vinnie's play if he could get booked on Letterman. Vinnie said he really can't do that though.
Jason asked Vinnie why Tom Gesimondo isn't part of this. Vinnie said that Tom is out doing his own thing right now. He said his writing partner in this is a woman.
Jon asked Vinnie why he never speaks to Dave. Vinnie said when he has to talk to Dave he does. He said that when they got the Super Bowl commercial thing he told Dave that personally. Jason asked if he has to call a meeting. Vinnie said Dave knows his name and he doesn't have to call a meeting.
Jon let Vinnie get in a plug for his Saturday show. You can find out more about that at HereafterMusical.com. Vinnie said the great thing is that people are paying him to see his show. He said that he can evaluate it better that way. He said they've rehearsed the play for a long time and this is a way to see it in a different light. They let him go a short time later so they could get to Tim Sabean.
Jason asked Tim why no one thinks to ask him about the show when they come up with the idea for the show. He asked why that leap doesn't take place. Tim said he has to speak up sometimes. Ralph said that Jason shouldn't have to. Tim apologized and said he will post a post it note on his desk to remind himself about it every day.
Gary said the person who is really producing the Celebrity Superfan show is actually Jeff Probst because he puts together a whole list of stuff to go through. Tim said it's a group effort and a lot of people are involved.
Gary asked Jason what he does on the show. Jason said he and Mutt go over the topics and book the guests. He said that they have to figure out what to talk about on the show so he tries to go at things at a different angle. He said they have a bunch of specials they're working on too.
Gary said that he has better access to book the celebrities than Jason would. He said they're not on every week either. He said that they don't have to be stuck on just that week's shows.
Tim said he looks at Celebrity Superfan Roundtable with Gary because he has more access to the celebrities. He said that Jason is doing his daily duties on the show and with Superfan and Geektime. He said that he's very busy. That's one reason he may not be involved. They have a new Geektime coming up this weekend too. Jason got in a plug for tonight's Superfan Roundtable. Damon Lindelof was sitting in the studio too so he got in a plug for Sunday's LOST series finale real quick before they ended the show.
Today's Best of the Week was over around 12:40pm.