|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard started the show talking about how he might be a weak performer today. He said he went to bed around 9 last night. He said he stayed up until 9 doing stuff and then woke up at like 2 in the morning and wasn't able to go back to sleep. He's been up ever since.
Robin said she kept sleeping and just got there. Howard asked if her boyfriend hit her or something because she had sunglasses on. Howard said she looks like Rihanna. Robin said she didn't have any makeup on so that's why she had the sunglasses on. Howard asked Robin if she's dating Chris Brown. She said she's not.
Howard said there's a lot of beatings going on lately. There was some guy who just killed a woman at an apartment building. The guy was the manager there and he walked in and killed this woman but they don't even know why.
Robin said she was reading about that and the guy kept trying to get back into her apartment to clean up the scene or something.
Howard said that guy at Yale did that girl in too. Howard said that guy may have killed her just because the woman didn't keep the mice cages clean. Howard said the guy didn't like the way she was cleaning the cages of the mice.
Howard said the guy allegedly told her that she wasn't cleaning them correctly and the guy ends up killing her. Howard said the woman was stuffed into a wall and she had broken bones and was partially dismembered too. Howard said it's always a guy too. He said it's that dick that guys have that makes them do this weird stuff.
Artie said that he's never had the thought of hitting a woman even with all of the problems he's had. He said that's another level. He said he would never touch a broad unless it's sexual.
Howard and Robin talked about the many things that Ralph does when they go out to eat with him. They all have the same experiences with him.
Howard said that he was thinking of Robin when he saw this guy catch a big blue fish out on the beach. He caught the thing and just threw it on the beach. Howard said he didn't like seeing that since he eats fish all the time.
Robin said she was watching a show called ''You Are What You Eat'' where they showed how much food you eat. They had the year's worth of pork that the guy eats and it was all hanging in a truck for the guy to see. She said they do this with all kinds of food. Howard said that pigs are apparently smarter than dogs and it makes you really feel bad for the animals.
Howard said he doesn't eat cows or pigs. He has no problem eating dumb animals and fish. Artie said that's a weird thing to say that you only eat dumb animals. He said that's like saying you'll eat a retarded person. Howard said the next time Gary the Retard is in he's going to tell him they're going to eat him.
Howard said he made sure that he erased the picture when he was done. He said that the good thing about the Blackberry is that you can erase stuff and it's gone for good. He said he didn't actually send it via email either so it should be gone.
Howard said that Beth told him that they were ''sexting'' and explained to him what that was. Howard said he didn't know they called it that.
Howard said Beth has been gone a week now and she seems to be having a harder time than he is. Howard said he's doing okay and sticking with the normal routine. Howard said she claims that she's having a hard time and he figured she might be saying that just to make him feel better.
Howard said he didn't jerk off that much either. He said he tried last night and gave up. Howard said he got up at like 2 in the morning and tried to jerk off. He said he was pulling on this thing like taffy and it was constant pulling. He said it didn't even feel that good. He said maybe he needs some lotion. He said he was thinking about girls he's been with and it just wasn't working.
Howard said he looked up some girls he has been with that are on the internet. He said that didn't work either. He said he felt like he finished at one point but he didn't really cum. He said it was very strange and he's just into having sex these days and not jerking off.
Howard said he's been having horrible thoughts while Beth is away and he just can't be left alone. Robin said that's why he can't be left alone because of those horrible thoughts.
Howard asked what Bubba is up to that he's doing that kind of stuff. He wondered if that's really what he wants. Artie's theory was that Bubba is just crazy.
Howard thought Heather was a Sunday School Teacher. He said he'd be beating off to her if he was in her class. He said she's in some shape too. He said she could make good money as a dancer if she was one.
Howard said he wouldn't need Cialis with a woman like that. He said he's taken pictures of Beth but he would never post them. Howard said Bubba is getting into a whole new area with those pictures.
JD said that he actually did email Howard about the Emmys. Howard said he didn't but JD said he was pretty sure he did. Howard said he reads all of JD's emails.
Artie said he loves JD's theme music. It was a bad techno song and Howard said JD loves that stuff. Howard said he's surprised he likes that kind of music. JD didn't like the one they picked for him but he does like a good beat.
JD said that he likes the Benassi Brothers. Fred tried to find that but everyone thought he said ''the nasty brothers.'' Howard said they might have a game there with JD saying stuff and them trying to figure out what he's saying.
JD told the guys what he likes and Fred tried to find some of the songs. They found one song that JD said he liked. He liked the beat but everyone else seemed to hate it.
JD told Fred what to look for and told him to get some Chemical Brothers. Fred found some of their stuff and JD Said that the one he played was bad. Howard said so far everything was bad. He wondered how anyone can listen to that stuff anywhere but in a club. Fred said you have to be sick to like that stuff.
Howard said he heard that JD and Jon Hein were saying that Neil Patrick Harris was good on the Emmys last night. JD said it was good but Neil was kind of cheesy in the beginning. JD said it was a good cheesy though.
JD said the show was good and entertaining last night. He said they moved things along and it worked. He said that they did some stuff that moved things along like giving away the awards in a new format. He said there were a lot of hot chicks. He said that this Kaley Cuoco was the hottest chick. Howard said he'll have to check her out somewhere. He said he should have it TiVo'd somewhere.
The guys found a picture of Kaley and showed it to the guys. Howard said she was hot but he figured that she was tiny based on that picture.
Howard said the rap with Mariah was that she was upset with what Tommy Matolla would tell her to wear when they were a couple. Howard said the guy was right and he should still be dressing her. Howard said she looked bigger than Oprah on that show.
Richard came in and said that Oprah was there last week and they were told not to go into the lobby. He said they had to walk around the lobby to make sure they didn't get close to her.
Howard wondered if they had Oprah there on the day he wasn't there because they didn't want her near him. Gary said he thinks that is the case. Howard said that's why he's had it with them there. Howard said they have to know him better than that now. Howard said he can't imagine that Oprah would be looking to avoid him in any way she can like that.
Howard said he's pleased to see that Oprah was doing a 4 or 5 hour show there. He said at least she's giving the company their money's worth by coming up there. Howard said she doesn't do much for them. Howard said he's sure they rolled out the red carpet for her.
Gary said he heard that he lobby was cleared completely so no one would interrupt her. Gary also heard that Gayle was brought to the bathroom with a security guard. Howard said he heard that Scott Greenstein was busy yelling at people there about things that were going on.
Gary said it sounds like Scott Greenstein was looking to make it a very positive experience for Oprah and he was doing a preemptive strike on it. Howard asked how Scott knew that there were emails sent to him that were negative. Gary said he doesn't think that they wanted anything negative about Opah's visit talked about.
Howard asked Gary what was going on in his office. Gary said that there are people telling him stuff and they don't want to get into trouble so it was best not to say.
Howard said Scott Greenstein must have scared the shit out of people because they were afraid to email him about anything that was going on last week. Howard said it was like a lock down.
Robin said that people were telling her that it was like being around a normal person when they got to meet Oprah. Howard said he wants Scott Greenstein running around making sure no one upsets him there.
Howard said he has to walk through the lobby every day and he has people coming up to him all the time. He said they should be doing the same for him that they did for Oprah.
Howard said he saw this Vin Diesel movie that was so bad he only made it through 10 minutes. He said that this other movie Dominic was awful too. He said he didn't get trough that one either.
Howard said he's going to see ''American Ninja'' today. He said that one looks pretty cool. He said he can't wait for that. It's actually called ''Ninja Assassin.''
Howard said he saw that Megan Fox's movie, ''Jennifer's Body,'' only made like $7 million at the box office this weekend. He said he likes that. Howard said that she's out there bad mouthing the director of the Transformers movies and there are tons of chicks that would have killed to have that part. Howard said she hasn't proven herself yet and she has to stop with that. Howard said she's too full of herself.
Howard took a call from a guy who told him that he should be putting pictures of Beth out there on Twitter for the fans. Howard said that's not going to happen. The caller asked to see pictures of her stomach or something. Howard said she'd be fine with something like that but he's not sure about that.
The caller said that he'll keep an eye on their twitter. Howard said they stopped doing that Twitter stuff since it sucks.
Howard said Benjy's plugs are weird. He had some plug for a TicketJew.com thing. Benjy said they asked him to stop doing that. He said management told him not to do it anymore. Benjy said he was going to make a funny video for the web site and he thought it was okay to do the plugs like that.
Howard said it's fine if he's making an appearance or something but that's almost like what Riley was doing. Benjy said he thought that it was okay to do that but they corrected him and stopped him from plugging it. Howard asked what the problem was. Gary said it was because they have a ticket broker that advertises on the show. They didn't want the conflict.
Howard asked Benjy what the DialADancer.com thing was for. Benjy wasn't doing anything for them either. Howard said it's okay to plug stuff if you're appearing somewhere. He said that Artie gives one plug a day and that's it.
Fred said he wasn't sure where the Bob Levy plugs came from. Howard said that they gave Bob those plugs because he was complaining like they owed him something. Howard said he likes Bob and gave him the plug at the end of the show. He said it was fine but now he's got like a minute and a half of plugs.
Howard said it should be just one plug and a plug for Bob's web site. Howard said Fred was reading all of these plugs with names of people from the show and it went on and on. Howard did an impression of Fred doing the plugs for Bob and said that it was a huge plug. He said that it's going to stop today. Howard said that Fred is to read just one date and the web site plug.
Fred said that he records the plugs so he Scott can edit them down if he wants to. Robin said she friended Bob on Facebook and he's always plugging his stuff on there too.
Howard said the plug is going to be ''If you want to see Rev. Bob Levy, go to his web site.'' Howard said he's not sure how Bob guilted them into that whole thing. Howard said he's not a part of the show every day.
Howard said it seems like most of Bob's plugs are for gigs at firehouses and stuff. Howard said today that's going to stop.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that some movie that's a cartoon, ''Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs'' killed the Matt Damon movie. The guy said that the Matt Damon movie did like 10 million. Howard said he can't watch a lot of the movies that Steven Soderberg does. He can't watch the ''Ocean's'' movies that he does. Robin said the Matt Damon movie was actually pretty good. She saw it this weekend.
Howard said he's glad that the Megan Fox movie bombed. He said he loves that. The caller suggested that Howard do his cartoon as a movie. Howard said he'll have to see about that. He's still working on some other stuff and he's not sure why that's not moving forward.
Howard said that this plugs thing is out of hand. Howard told Fred to play the plugs from last week. Fred played the clip and he had Scott the Engineer's plug for his son's band Emergency Now. Howard had him stop it and asked what that was. He didn't know it was Scott's son's band. Howard told Fred to cut that one down too. Howard said no one is going to go check the band out without knowing it was Scott's son's band.
Fred played the Bob Levy plugs and Howard said that it goes on and on. It was a couple of plugs for Bob's appearances up in Boston and out in Anaheim, California. Fred was reading phone numbers, web sites and all of the names of the people who were appearing.
Howard asked Gary what was going on there. Gary said that they're supposed to be approved by Tim. Howard told Gary to forget Tim. Howard said he hired Tim so he has to wake up and smell the roses. Howard told Gary that the plugs are going to be web site plugs only. He said he wants the plugs under 3 seconds.
Howard complained about the plugs that Ronnie was getting too. He said that he didn't know that it was this out of hand. Howard said the Sheriff is back in town and he's going to put a stop to this nonsense.
Howard said the plug for Chuck Zito's appearance at a charity event was fine because it was a one time thing. Then Fred played more of the plugs and Howard said that they have to put a stop to these things that go on so long. He said they should tighten those things up.
Howard said that they have to tighten them all up and stop this stuff. Howard ended up getting pissed when he heard Benjy's plug too. He said that Benjy went out and blew the Shofar out on the street. Howard said that wasn't a plug. Benjy said it was a personal appearance.
Howard said that everyone is pissing on this show. He said that when he was up in Hartford sucking dick to do his shows he didn't envision this. Howard said the raping of the show is over. Howard said that he's going to have one plug at the end of the show and it's going to be ''See my staff piss all over my show every day. Right here. Go to PissOnMe dot com.''
Howard said he's getting fucked by a man who eats blue cheese out of women's asses. Howard said that the show still means something to him and he's going to stop this stuff. Howard said that he has to put a stop to this. He said he was sitting in his car listening to the plugs the other day and they just go on and on. Howard said that Bob is out of control. He said it's like giving a guy 5 bucks and he asks for 500,000.
A caller asked Howard what Gary is doing back there. He said he should be on top of this stuff. Gary came in and told Howard that the plugs go through Tim and he approves them all. Gary said he doesn't hear the plugs because he's doing the Wrap Up Show at that time. Howard said he wants Gary to look them over. Gary said that Tim is the one who gives the final decision. Howard said he wants Gary to give the final approval. Howard said that it's out of hand and he wants Gary to take care of that. Gary said he knows what has to go already.
Howard asked Gary how Bob ended up getting all of those plugs. Gary said he thinks that Bob worked out some deal with Tim Sabean. Howard said if that's the case then he's going to cancel Miserable Men. Gary said that it's going to be all about him if he has to deal with one of Bob's meltdown. Gary said that Bob will hammer everyone there except for Howard.
Gary said that Bob goes through these meltdowns and he thinks that they don't respect him there. Howard said if that's the case then he should stop doing the shows there. Howard said it's not even Bob's fault. Howard said that he cares about Bob and he was fine with them giving him a plug at the end of the show. Howard said Bob got a plug but then it turned into the long plugs that he's getting now. Howard said that the whole thing has gotten out of control.
King of all Blacks called in and said that Howard gives off a vibe that this stuff is cool and that's why it gets out of control. Howard got a note from someone saying that they use the Wack Packers on their show too. Howard said he wants that to stop too. Howard said that he keeps Beetlejuice off his own show because he doesn't want him over exposed. He doesn't want those guys using their wack packers. He said they should be developing their own.
Howard told Gary to tell Tim that the plugs on all of the shows are going to be just for their web sites and not 10 minutes of plugs. Howard said that no one is listening to these plugs. He said they're not entertaining.
King told Gary he has to stand up to Bob when he calls him later. Gary said that he dos stand up to him. He said he tells Bob what he has to. Gary said that he's gotten emails from Bob threatening to do other shows and stuff. Howard said he likes Bob but he feels he's being abused now. Howard said Bob isn't the only one abusing it though. He said that there are others who are abusing it too.
Fred read some of the plugs for the guys and asked if Bob was still in. Howard said that Bob is still in but it's just going to be a plug for his web site.
Howard asked Benjy what his plug was for. Benjy said it's BangBangShow.com. Howard asked if he owns that site or something. Benjy said he does so that's what he gets a plug for. Howard said that's fine then.
Ronnie came in and said that he'd like to known why King is going after him. King was complaining about his plugs too so Ronnie went off on him. King said he just wants to know what Ronnie does on stage. Ronnie told him to come to Florida to see what he does there. King said he's not going to fly to Florida to see him.
Ronnie got in a plug for this October 9th appearance at Tootsie's down in Miami. Howard played some audio of what Ronnie does at his appearances. Ronnie said that's his old stuff. Ronnie apparently does something different now. Back then he was just rambling up on stage about what he was wearing and what the girls were wearing.
King asked Howard if he heard about this serial rapist in Harlem. Howard said he heard that they caught him. King said they were passing out fliers and the guy turned himself in saying that the fliers looked like him. Howard said he heard that someone else turned him in.
King was goofing on Ronnie's suit and he wasn't even there to see it. He was goofing on him and telling him where to go and get more suits.
Ralph called in and said that Howard has to be a hard ass there and when he's not, this is what happens. He said that Howard has to keep his eye on the show himself. Howard said that's right because no one said anything to him about how out of control the plugs were. Fred said that he has asked and he was told that's the way the plugs are to be done. He said that he just did it the way he was told to do it. Ralph said he should have gone to Howard and complained.
Howard took a call from a guy who gave some plugs for where he was appearing. He was appearing at work and down in Miami next week.
Artie was talking about how King of All Blacks was making fun of his Nike sneakers the last time he was on. Gary said that King made fun of the BMW 3 series he was driving too. He said he didn't know that it was a bad thing but King made him feel it wasn't what he should be driving and now he has a 5 series. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and said that Jack and Rod bit was one of his favorites. He said that Alice in Chains song was giving him a headache.
Howard had Lisa G come in with her Howard 100 News preview. Howard said he was going to get to the Jay Leno ratings after that too. He said he was right about his ratings drop through the week. Howard said Jay's ratings dropped all week long but they're putting a spin on it to make it seem like it's no big deal.
Howard said Jay's ratings have dropped even faster than he thought. He said he started out with a 5.3 and by Friday it was down to a 2.1 in the 18-49 year old demographic. Howard said he had a graph of the ratings that he showed to the guys.
Howard said they're spinning it like Jay is getting great ratings. He said that they say that it's not a sports show in the explanation and they don't even show any sports on Friday nights. Howard said that he averaged a 2.7 rating according to what he was reading. Howard said they were averaging in the big Monday ratings.
Howard said that they did that Green Car Challenge and he heard it was horrible. Howard said he hasn't seen it but that's what he heard.
Gary told Howard what they did with the Green Car Challenge. Howard said he heard that Drew Barrymore did it and she wasn't looking good when she was out in the daylight. Gary said they had this track set up and it was a regular track. Gary said that the car was a regular car and not even a fast car. Gary said that Jay pumped it up like some people would pop up in the middle of the track as they were driving. Gary said the whole thing was really bad. He said that there was no resolution that came from it and she ended up being the only one on the leader board since they just started that.
Howard said he's pretty sure they'll stop doing that when they see the ratings haven't gone up. Howard said it sounds really stupid to him. Howard said they'll probably start planing land mines and bombs on the track so they can get some excitement going.
Ralph called in and said it really was awful. He said Drew looked awful out in the daylight. He said she looked fine in the studio but then she went outside and they had her in the jump suit and she looked horrible.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Jay was joking about how people should TiVo the other shows that are on at 10 and he apologize for some of the flubs that were happening during the week.
Howard said that some people wrote in about her not missing people. One person wrote in about how Robin had given Jim Florentine a picture of herself so he wouldn't miss her. Robin had some weird explanation for that. She said that's just so you can see the person when you want.
Howard read some more of the feedback about that subject and a lot of people agreed with him about what he was saying last week. Robin explained what she was trying to say to Howard last week and said that she wasn't saying it's wrong to miss someone. She said it was wrong the way Howard was making Beth feel guilty.
Howard said that he told Beth that their relationship would be fine if she went off and did this show out in L.A. for a month. Howard claims he was just joking and being cute for Robin when he said that when he got married he didn't get in it for Beth to just leave him for a month.
Howard read more of the email he got and people were saying that Robin is damaged and she has to deal with her childhood issues. There were other people who thought Howard was wrong and Robin was right. Howard said he's not sure why it's a problem for people like Robin and Lisa G. He said it's fine to miss someone.
Howard read one where the guy said that Robin had won them over with her comments to Howard last week. Howard said Robin managed to win over a fan.
Howard said it's perfectly normal to miss someone you're in a relationship with. Howard said he was listening to Sirius Coffee House and this song ''Come On Get Higher'' came on by Matt Nathanson and the song was about missing a girl. Howard said that Robin says there's something wrong with that but there isn't anything wrong with it. Robin didn't want to argue with her about that. Howard asked Fred to play the song but he wasn't able to find it right away. He eventually found it though.
Fred played the song ''Come On Get Higher'' at Howard's request and Howard told Robin to listen to the lyrics. The song was about missing a woman and Howard said it was like he was talking about Beth. Robin ended up going off on Howard and yelling at him again. She was yelling over the song. Howard said that Robin and Lisa are dreaming of a guy who would write a song about them like that.
Howard said that Lisa's cat isn't going to write a song about her. Howard played another song about missing someone called ''Missing You.'' Howard said he didn't care about that song though and cut it off.
Howard said he would miss Robin if she went away for a long time. Howard said he sees her every day though. Howard said he likes Lisa too. Artie said that he likes her too but he's not sure he'd miss her.
Howard said he feels sad for Lisa sometimes. He said he thinks that she wants a great romance just like Robin does. Robin said she doesn't want to miss anyone. She said she would like a great romance though.
Lisa got back to her news preview and said they'll be following Gary to the doctor about getting his toe fungus lasered. She said they have some news about Jon Hein possibly teaching when Howard retires. They're going to talk to that person as well.
Howard said that he got a letter from Boston university and they want to bestow upon him the biggest honor that they can for an alumni. Howard said he's going to check into it. He said he asked Beth about it and asked if he should accept it. Howard said he just doesn't want to have to go somewhere to get it. He said that he would love an honorary doctorate and he'd go up to Boston for that.
Howard said he was thinking it might be cool until he saw that Ted Harbert is already on that list. He said that the guy got his back in 1999. Howard said that people will complain when he gets his honor. Howard said that no one cared when Ted got his.
Howard asked Gary to call B.U. and find out where the award will be given to him. Lisa said he should have a library like the Kennedy's have.
Howard let Lisa go after that and asked where Ted Harbert accepted his award. Artie told him he really should do it. Howard said it might be up to the University where he gets it. He said he doesn't want to make a speech either.
Gary asked Howard if they'd have to call him a doctor if they gave him a doctorate. Howard said he wouldn't do that like Bill Cosby did. They had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and brought up the Ernie Anastos incident from last week. He said that Ernie got on the air and said ''Keep fucking that chicken'' which is a very strange thing. He played the audio of that news report where Ernie made the mistake. Howard said Ernie made an apology and it goes by very quickly. He played that as well and if you didn't know what happened you wouldn't know what had even happened. In the clip Ernie apologized for any comments that he made that may have offended anyone.
Howard said that Jimmy Carter was asked about Kanye West calling out Taylor Swift on the VMA awards and what President Obama had said. Carter said that his punishment was to appear on the new Jay Leno show. Howard said that was a little humor right there.
Howard said that this Kristin Chenoweth is a fan of the show and she cried at the Emmys last night. Howard said he finds that kind of strange. He said that it's just the Emmys. Howard played the audio from that as well. Kristin was thanking people when she broke down crying. She wasn't sure why she was crying and ended up asking for a job on Mad Men. She said she'd like something on The Office or 24 as well.
Howard doesn't understand why they make someone like her wrap it up as she's crying. Howard said he could listen to that train wreck all day long. Howard said you'd think that they'd keep someone like that going during a speech like that. They don't have the ability to make the call live though.
Howard said he heard that this woman had some strange breathing during her speech. Howard couldn't pronounce her name though. He said it was Shohreh Aghdashloo and it had every letter in the alphabet in there. Howard played the audio her heavy breathing. She would breathe in and it sounded like a saw or something. The guys goofed on that a bit. Fred ended up playing a buzzing sound as they were playing the clip. Howard did a Darth Vader impression.
Howard played some of Jon Cryer's speech when he accepted his award. Jon joked about the award meaning something to him now that he's won it. Howard said there were some other speeches from people like Jeff Probst that he wanted to play but he had to get to Miss Howard TV.
Artie mentioned that the Giants crushed the Cowboys yesterday. That led to them talking a little bit about football before Howard brought in the new Miss Howard TV.
Howard said that you can see pictures of her up on HowardStern.com. Howard checked out some of the pictures and she told him that some of them were from a photo shoot she did for some magazine.
Howard asked her about the shoes she was wearing and knew that they were Loubeton shoes. Artie said that he heard about them from his girlfriend but he forgot all about it after watching a football game.
Howard read that Dominique can't hold on to a boyfriend. She said that guys just keep leaving her. She said that they end up cheating on her and they move on. She said they have a wandering eye. Dominique said that she gives them freedom and maybe that's the mistake.
Howard read that Dominique likes to wait for her man to come home and she's naked for them. She said that she would come home from work and get nude for the guys and they would say they were busy doing something else. Howard said he can't imagine that they wouldn't like that. Howard said there must be something wrong with those guys.
Dominique has dated older guys too. She dated one guy that was 47 years old. Howard read that she hates boring sex too and she enjoys anal. Howard asked how often she gets it. She said she isn't getting any right now. She couldn't even remember the last time she had it. Then she said it was back in June on Father's day.
Howard asked Dominique if she can get an orgasm from anal. She said she can. She said that she has had some rough experiences with that though. She said that she likes to sit on the guy so she has control of it when she's going down. Howard asked who wouldn't love that and why guys would leave her.
Howard said she likes golden showers too. Howard asked where she dos that. She said she's done it in the shower. She said that some guys get shy and can't go like that. She said that she likes to make guys do stuff they don't want to do like that. Dominique said she likes to do it in the shower because it would be too messy out in the bed or something.
Howard said she likes to be tied up and giving oral and having her ass eaten. Howard asked her about the asshole thing. She said that she's a Scorpio so they do anything. Howard asked her how she does that to a guy. She said it's the same way a guy would do it to a girl. She said that she might be the only one in her group of friends that does that. Dominique said she wishes that people would be more into that though.
Howard asked Dominique if it gets wet back there. Howard asked Robin if she's into that. Robin said she likes that too. She said that everything is good.
Howard asked Dominique if her breath smells like ass after that. She didn't know. Howard read that she can't get off when a guy just fucks her. She has to get off to her hand or something else. Howard said he thinks that he could give her an orgasm. Dominique said that some guys feel bad about that. Howard said that it can hurt a guy's ego not to be able to do that to a chick.
Howard read that Dominique likes to masturbate a couple of times a day. She said that it can be a bunch of times one after the other since she's busy during the day.
Howard read that Dominique isn't into gag balls. She said that she's not into any of that bondage stuff. Howard said he met a girl who likes to masturbate with nipple clips. He said that Robin knows this girl but doesn't know that he dated her. Robin said that she does know her. Howard said she doesn't and argued with her about that for a few minutes.
Howard said he went to see this chick one night and she had her top off. He said that she was sitting there rubbing herself and asked him to put the clips on. He said she was getting off once he put them on. Howard said she as moaning as she rubbed herself with the clips on. Howard asked Robin if she had ever tried them. Robin said ''No!''
Howard asked Dominique about being with girls. She said she's been propositioned but hasn't done anything. Howard read that she wants to lay around in lingerie all day waiting for a husband to come home from work. Howard said she was saying all the right things. Howard said that her parents divorced when she was 12.
Howard read that she got it on with a high school teacher when she was in college. She said that she always had a crush on the guy. She said she used to rub her boobs in front of him and it would make him really embarrassed. She said that they had each other's numbers and she called him and hooked up with him when she went to college.
Dominique said she used to show lots of cleavage and stuff when she was in class. Howard figured she was just saying this so she wouldn't get him in trouble because she was probably with him when she was under age. She swore that wasn't the case though.
Howard asked Dominique how she hooked up with this guy. She told Howard they went out to dinner after they saw each other out at a party one night.
Howard read that the guys in the office were thinking that her boobs weren't real. Howard asked if she has ever been challenged. She said that they look very real and you can tell just by looking at them. Artie said they can tell by feeling them. Artie said he thinks that's what the guys in the back were saying.
Mike Gange came in and said that he saw her jumping up and down and he's not sure they're real. He said that DePace is the one who really doesn't believe it. Gange said they're too big to be natural. Gange got to touch them to check. Mike Gange felt them up and said that they felt like implants to him. Dominique swore that they were real.
Ronnie came in and tried to feel them up too. He copped a feel and said it was hard to tell. Dominique said that's because they're inexperienced. Ronnie said there was no bag there. He said they'd be able to feel it if there was something in there. Will Murray came in and felt them up too. He said he wasn't sure either. Brian Phelan came in and copped a feel too. He said he thought they were real.
Scott DePace came in and said he's an expert and thinks they're fake. He felt them up and said that they're definitely real. Howard told Dominique that they just anted to feel her up. She knew that's what was going on but didn't really seem to care.
Howard ended up dancing for Dominique when he asked her to dance. She danced for him as well. Howard said he can't believe her high school teacher didn't fuck her. She said that she doesn't touch married men.
Howard said he's honored to have her as Miss Howard TV. He said that you'll be able to see her all month long on Howard TV.
Yucko the Clown called in and got in a couple of jokes and plugs. He was making fun of the plug thing from earlier in the show.
Howard said that one of their former Miss Howard TV is on Dancing with the Stars this season. He said that could happen to Dominique some day.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Robin should inspect those boobs. Howard said that Robin does need to do that. Robin wasn't up for it of course.
Howard took one more call from a guy who said that he wants to marry this chick. He told her that he'd let her sit on him anytime. He said she's stunning and he can't believe that guys aren't staying home and banging her all the time. He said he'd find a job working at home so he could be with her every hour or so.
Howard asked Dominique what she's done with other women. She said that she hasn't done a lot but she'd like to use a strap-on with a girl. She said she'd like to do that to a dude too. She said that she hasn't done that yet. She said that she has used her finger in a guy's ass and makes them cum instantly. Howard seemed to like that. He said that's really hot. Howard said that's what Robin needs to do with a guy.
Howard said he's going to call Beth and ask if he can keep this chick as his wife for the month. He said that she really is Miss Howard Stern. Dominique said that she's actually pretty conservative.
Dominique told the guys she got her boobs from her father's side of the family. She said she got her ass from her mother's side.
Dominique talked about trying to wax herself and how she got the wax stuck on that area down there. She said she got burned one time when she got waxed by a woman. She said that the woman claimed she was the best but she burned her.
Dominique said that when she gets a Brazilian wax she gets up on all fours to do it. She said one time down in Atlantic City she tried to get something going with some girls and asked what their vaginas looked like but they ended up getting changed in the bathroom instead of in the room.
Howard said that Dominique was a great interview and thanked her for coming in. He said that Benjy's head must explode when he hears these stories. Benjy said that she's very hot. Benjy said he'd like to take her out. She said that they'd have to see what happens. Artie got a laugh out of that.
Dominique asked Benjy what he could offer her. Howard said he's sure that she'd throw up while blowing him. She had told a story earlier about throwing up on a guy after she gagged on his cock after eating ice cream.
Dominique said that some guys won't even touch her when they go out with her. She needs a guy to give her some attention constantly. She said that the guy has to touch her all the time. Benjy said he usually gets the opposite from people.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if she would be compatible with a Sagittarius. She said that she doesn't think she would be.
Another guy said that he knows that this girl likes to be spanked. She said it really doesn't turn her on. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard said he heard that Nick was talking to Miss Howard TV. Nick said he was talking to her about her tick bite. Nick said that in the old days you used to talk about kissing a girl but these days you talk about how many fingers you got in her ass.
Howard asked Nick if he's ever had his wife eat his ass. Nick said she won't even eat his cooking. He said he'd never make her go back there because he's got hemorrhoids and stuff going on back there.
Nick said it was funny how the girl was talking about how she liked to get pissed on and they were asking if her breasts were fake or not. Howard said that's an ongoing bit that they do there. Nick said they should ask her if her clit is fake too.
Howard asked Nick if he's still out on the road. Nick said he's been traveling like Hillary Clinton. Howard said he should find a regular gig doing a radio show or something.
Nick said that he auditioned at ABC radio and they said they were going to call him in September to do something but he apparently didn't get it. He said that he did a couple of hours for them as an audition and he thought he did just fine.
Nick said people were telling him that if he wanted to do radio he had to move to Cleveland or something. Howard said that you do have to work the local scene when you get into radio but Nick has shown what he can do. He said that he doesn't know that Nick wants to be doing that at his age. Nick said he can do a radio show from his kitchen if he wants to now though.
Howard asked Nick how his marriage is going. Nick said it's great. Artie said he's seen them and it seems like they get along really well.
Howard asked Nick why he's not on the Jay Leno show or something like that. Nick said he's not sure. He said he says some wild shit and some people don't like it. He said maybe he's not Jewy enough for them too.
Howard asked Nick if he really wants to do radio. Nick said he'd like to do that or the live performing. He said he likes doing that stuff. He said the traveling is brutal though.
Nick said he loved traveling when he was 25. He said it was fun back then but these days it's not like it was. Nick said he used to be able to get laid out on the road but that's not what he's doing now.
Howard asked Nick what he does when he's out on the road now. Nick said he watches porn but his wife thinks that's cheating on her too. Howard said he should tell her that it's better than the alternative. Nick said that's what he does.
Howard asked Nick if he ever goes to Idaho to do a gig. Nick said he sits and writes scripts. He said he might go to the mall and might pick up something from Abercrombie and Fitch. He said it gets old quick and he's starting to think that he might have to start self medicating like Artie was doing.
Artie said he and Nick were talking about a club in Cleveland that they've played and how there were no seats there when Artie played there. Nick said they have seats now but they don't have any people sitting in them.
Howard read Nick's plugs and gave him another one for a gig he's doing up at the Hard Rock Cafe in Boston. Nick said that should be 72 relatives and 2 other fans there at that show.
Nick said he did a show down in Atlanta and they sat a Bachelorette party right in the front row. He said it was awful and very hard to talk about Obama with girls sitting there with cocks on their heads. Artie said that's the worst thing to see at a comedy club. He said the worst would be a Puerto Rican Bachelorette party sitting in the club.
Nick said he did an hour and 10 minutes for the late crowd down in Atlanta. He said they were well behaved during that show.
Gary said that he saw Nick do a show one time and he was in a club where they had a hockey rink behind them and the Zamboni interrupted him. Howard asked Nick if that feels like they have no respect for him when they do something like that. Nick said that they weren't like 3 feet away from him or anything like that. He said it wasn't that bad.
Howard asked Nick if he watched the Emmys. Nick said he was doing a show so he didn't get to see it. He said he was doing a benefit show.
Nick said that he was doing this show at a tittie bar where Brittany Morgan was appearing. He was in the comedy club below the strip club so he had to share a dressing room with her. Howard asked if he has to follow the tittie bar thing or if it's in a different room. Nick said they're in different rooms. Nick said the club was hip and he really liked it there.
Howard told Nick about the chick, Shohreh Aghdashloo, who was breathing heavy at the Emmys. He played the audio for him so he could hear it himself. Howard wondered what that was all about and played an edited version where they took all of her breathing in and made it into her speech with a ''thank you'' at the end.
Howard played more of the clip and said he could make a porno with her and Blue Iris. He played the audio of that disturbing image. He also played her with Mike Walker breathing heavy.
Steve said that David Letterman is supposed to have President Obama on the show this week. Bubba the Love Sponge was voted as the best local radio guy in Tampa. Howard said he liked that picture that Bubba posted of his wife on his Twitter.
Howard said that Bubba just tweeted a picture of his wife. He showed Nick the picture. Nick said that he's a genius for doing that and getting hits off of it.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview next. He ran down the subjects they had for today's Wrap Up Show. He mentioned the Bob Levy plug thing and that got Howard fired up again. He said he likes Bob but those plugs were out of hand. Nick said he loves Bob. He said he's out of his mind but he loves the guy.
Howard asked Nick if he spends any time with other comedians. Nick said that he and Colin Quinn are on the phone constantly. He said they talk every night.
Jon talked about Dominique DiCaprio a little bit with Howard. The guys were talking about how great she made herself sound stalking about what she wants to do for guys. Nick said that chick asked him what he was doing later. Nick said he had to tell her he's going home to his wife. He said he used to get all kinds of celebrity pussy years ago. He said he's happily married now though.
Howard and the guys talked about Jim Florentine dating Robin and after Howard mentioned that it looked like Robin came in with a black eye this morning with her sunglasses on. Nick asked if Jim had thrown a CD at her or something. Artie said that Jim has the ability to clear a room with his farts. He cleared the whole baggage claim area one time at an airport. Nick said Jim did that on a flight they were on one time and the flight attendant had to ask him to stop. Jon finished up after that.
Howard told Nick about what they were doing for Oprah there last week when she showed up. Howard said he wasn't there but they cleared the halls for her and her friend Gayle King. Howard said Gayle was even brought to the bathroom with a security guard.
Robin started her news with a story about Giselle Bundchen and how she doesn't know what to do with herself now that Tom Brady is back to work playing football.
Howard said he heard that they moved his picture from the lobby when Oprah came in last week. He said if he finds out that's true then he's not going to sign with this company again no matter what. Artie said he thinks that Oprah's picture is above Howard's picture right now. He said he thinks he saw that when he was out there earlier.
Howard said that if he finds out this is true then there is no way he's signing with them again. He said they're carrying on there like she's something big but she hasn't gotten 50 customers to sign on with them. Howard said she hasn't done anything for satellite radio.
Howard said he wants to know if they have moved his picture around out here. Howard asked Gary to give him a report. The Howard TV guys put up a shot showing where Howard's picture was and how they may have been switched around for her visit. Howard said that he's not sure what to think about that. He said he can't imagine why they'd move the picture but he's not upset about what he just saw.
Robin said that Giselle Bundchen is taking up helicopter lessons. She's going to learn to fly. Nick said that she'll end up in the Hudson in a couple of weeks.
Ralph called in and said that Howard's picture should be everywhere there. He said they should cover up the windows with pictures of him. Howard said he's right and they should show pictures of him everywhere there. He told him to go out and paste a picture of him over the Elvis standee. Ralph said they never mention Howard's name in the commercials either. Howard said he doesn't know about that. He said maybe he's not good to advertise because he only gets millions of people to subscribe.
Howard said ever executive there should be wearing a Howard Stern mask. He said all of the DJs there should be wearing them too.
Robin read about how David Hasselhoff has been drinking again. He had to go to the hospital last week. Howard said that he should just stay sober when his kids are over. He said it sounds like he's waiting until they come over to get drunk.
Robin read a story about a 4 year old who had cocaine hidden on him by his parents. The teacher found it on the kid and turned the parents in.
Howard said that they were talking about movies earlier and the Jennifer Aniston movie didn't do well at the box office this weekend. Howard said he doesn't know why they keep letting her makes movies like that. Robin said they might do well on DVD or something.
Robin read about a woman who claims that a former priest fathered her baby. She read that the woman was a former stripper and she's claiming that the guy fathered her child. She met the priest at the strip club. Robin said that she's demanding that he take a DNA test and that's when he threatened to make trouble for her if she went to the media.
Robin read a story about Notre Dame using a school credit card for an event and they gave a tip of $29,000 to the waitress. She said that they're suing her to get the money back now. They thought it was $29.80 and they want the money back from her now that she's gotten it.
Robin brought up the story about David Letterman doing a new monologue where he's going to be doing more political stuff. Howard didn't seem to care much. Howard said Dave should just do what Jay was doing on his show since it seemed to work for him.
Robin read about a guy who has written a book saying that the baby that John Edwards' mistress had is his baby. Howard said they pretty much knew that already.
Robin read a story about a terrorist suspect who had some maps of some stadiums and other places. Howard said that he likes that the cops are on top of this stuff. Nick said that they just need to round up all of the guys with chin strap beards like that guy had. He said it wasn't too obvious he was guilty. They had to take a break a short time later.
After the break, around 10:05am, Robin got right back to her news. She read a story about some guys who were accused of rape and then had the charges dropped. Robin said that they weren't great guys and all agreed to gang bang the chick. Robin asked if it's unusual behavior to overlook something like that. Howard said it's not up to the guy to know the woman's mental health unless they're retarded or something. Howard said if she wanted 5 guys at a time. Robin said she's wondering about the guys. Howard said it's not a great quality to gang up on a chick like that. He said that he'd feel sad for the woman who is getting fucked by the 5 guys. He said he couldn't follow someone like that either. Howard said he wouldn't want to be a part of a gang bang no matter what.
Howard said they know some guys there who have done some weird stuff with girls. Sal was accused of raping a girl at one time.
Hanzi called in and said that Nick is a piece of shit. He said that he's a racist piece of shit for talking about bombing every mosque out there during the terrorist discussion earlier. Nick said he was just joking around and it was a tongue in cheek reference. Hanzi said that no one there likes brown people and they're all a bunch of racists there.
Nick told Hanzi that they're just joking around there. Hanzi ended up hanging up on them. Howard said that Nick may have chased away one of his long time listeners. Nick said he was just joking around. Howard said he can see why a guy would get offended by that. Nick said he can see that too because it's white people blowing shit up.
Howard said this isn't Meet the Press so he asked Robin to continue. Robin got back to her news and brought up a story about President Obama. He's been all over TV lately so Robin had some audio of him talking about the economy turning around. Robin said he also talked about Medicaid and Medicare. She had some audio of that. Nick was saying that this guy is spending even more than the over spending Bush administration is and it's not making things better. Nick and the guys were all arguing about that stuff for a while.
Howard asked Nick if he thought going into Iraq was a good idea. Nick said it was at first but took it back. He said that they have to get out of Iraq and Afghanistan. He said they should use the drones over there in Afghanistan and get the troops out of there.
Robin read that President Obama's administration asked David Patterson not to run for office again because it could drag down the ticket. Howard said that they know if he runs that it would be bad for the Democratic party. He said that they want Cuomo to run instead.
Robin read some news about the Emmy awards and talked about Neil Patrick Harris as the host getting some good feedback. Robin had some audio clips from the Emmys where the winners were talking about their awards in the press room. She had John Cryer, Kristin Chenoweth, Jeff Probst, Shohreh Aghdashloo, and Tina Fey audio clips.
Howard told Nick he should be on 30 Rock because he's be terrific on that show. Nick said he thinks that Tina Fey doesn't like his stand-up.
Robin said that Anne Murray is putting out a book. That led to Artie singing some of her songs. Artie said he knows just about every one of her hits. Howard had Fred playing the clips of Shohreh Aghdashloo's wheezing during every story Robin was reading. They wrapped up and ended the show around 10:35am.
Jon had Teddy play a clip of Howard talking about the plugs and how out of control they had gotten. He said he didn't envision that kind of thing for the show.
After the clip Jon and Gary talked about what they're going to do with the plugs from now on. Gary said that they're going to bounce stuff off each other from now on.
Gary said that he knows that Bob is going to be upset with him but he's really not picking on him. Gary said that they've had really famous people come on the show that want plugs that are just too long and they have to ask them to cut them down. Gary said that the audience just stops listening at some point.
Gary said that Bob gets very pissed off and he just doesn't feel appreciated. He said that he may look at this more like they don't appreciate him. Gary said they do appreciate him and that's why they gave him the four hour Miserable Men show on Sunday nights.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Gary why he has to clean up Howard's area after the show. Gary said that he's the one who has done that for years and he also still opens Howard's mail after all these years. Gary said that they can't put an intern in charge of something like that because you don't know if they're going to make a mistake doing it. He said that they're only around for 3 months.
Gary talked about the plugs that Jackie used to get on the show. He said that Jackie would get upset if Howard didn't read them on time and he'd act like a little child if he didn't get to them. Gary said that Jackie was the first one to get plugs and then it was other people who would get appearances and get in the plugs. Gary said that Howard would stop reading the plugs once in a while and then Fred started to do them. He said a lot of people got on that list of plugs who shouldn't have been there. Gary said that Artie only plugs the important stuff once in a while.
A caller on the line was asking about the Emergency Now plugs that Scott was getting in. Gary said those are funny because it's not even Scott's band, it's his son's band.
The caller asked Gary when they're going to put an end to the fake laughing in the studio. Gary said he should probably go in there and say something tomorrow. The caller said he can hear the fake laughing with Howard and Artie and the other guys. He said that it's like they're just putting it on. The caller said that he laughs a lot at the show but to listen to Artie pile driving a laugh in is just ridiculous. He didn't like Fred's fake laugh either. He said they don't need a laugh track on the show.
Gary said he can't answer for everyone but he really doesn't think that Fred is faking a laugh. He knows that people will think he's just brown nosing but he really doesn't think that he's faking it.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that he changes the station when he hears the plugs come on. He said that sometimes they will roll a commercial or something after that.
The caller was also saying that he loves the Rich Nerd song about Jon and wondered what happened to that. Jon said he loves it too and he'd be fine with them playing it. Gary said that Hall and Oates may be coming in soon so they might be able to get them to do it live. Gary said that they have a box set coming out soon so they might be able to ask them to play some of their hits.
The caller asked if they have any news about the Friday Show coming back. Gary said that they haven't had any talk of it being brought back. The caller said that it seems to be a fan favorite. Gary said it wasn't a favorite when it was on the air. Now that they've gone away it's a beloved show.
Jon took a call from a guy who said the plugs are the same every day and no one cares about Emergency Now. He said he's not sure why they keep doing those things. Gary said that if they did it like once a week it might work but not every day. The caller said that they become immune to it if you keep doing the same plug all the time. Gary said that Jackie's wife's band used to change it's name all the time so that kept it fresh for her.
Ronnie came in so Jon asked Gary about that plug Ronnie had. Ronnie said his plugs usually aren't that long. He said that one was a bit long. He said he just puts them in once in a while though. Ronnie said he's actually doing the Auto Show tonight on Howard 101 and squeezed in another plug. Gary said he maybe be calling into that show tonight.
Gary said that he will write out a plug and start taking out words so he can make it as short as possible. He said that's what they have to do with the rest of the plugs.
Ronnie said that he had JD telling Will to put up a note about him acting tough on the air trying to impress Miss Howard TV today. He said that's bullshit too. Ronnie said he heard that Jon wanted him to come on with JD. Ronnie said JD went home already though so that's why he's not up there.
Ronnie got in a plug for his appearance at Tootsie's down in Miami. Benjy said something to Ronnie about that and Gary brought up the plugs that Benjy was getting.
Gary said that if Benjy was getting plugs for stuff and he wasn't making appearance. He said it was more like an endorsement. He said that Benjy wasn't told not to do that stuff. Benjy said that using the plugs is like adding on to your salary. He said his plugs were part of his salary agreement. Gary said he's always asked permission to do the plug thing on the show.
A caller asked if they think that Howard freaked out about this because Beth is gone. Gary said that the answer to that is yes and no. He said that it may have to do with it because Howard has more time to listen to the show than usual. Ronnie said he was stuck in traffic too so that may have had to do with it. He also said that if Beth was around then he may not have been listening to the show at all that day.
Gary said he doesn't even bother going into the green room with the Miss Howard TVs anymore. Ronnie said he was helping out with the bikini stuff today.
Ronnie said that Gange wasn't spending too much time with Dominique today. Gange came in a short time later and said that she's his type but he wasn't able to get into the room with Doug in there. He said that Doug has been boxing him out today. Ronnie said that Doug is cock blocking everyone today.
Gange said that Doug loves being involved in the casting of the whole show. Ronnie said that he's even doing the photo shoots with his own camera. Gange said that she was hanging out with Nick DiPaolo and Artie earlier.
Nick was in the studio so he told the guys to sniff his fingers if they wanted to know how things were going. Gange said that it was time to go tell Dominique it was time to get into her bikini.
Gange said Scott DePace was the one who was asking about the boobs being fake today. He was the one who started it all. Gange said he was happy to be the first one to go in there and feel her up though.
Jon played a clip of the segment where the guys were feeling Dominique up. After that the guys talked about how that big got started. They started with this girl Rita G who claimed to have the best real boobs in the world. Gary said that she yelled at him for not thinking they were real. They knew they were but just wanted to feel her up that day.
Jon asked Nick what he was talking to Miss Howard TV about. Nick said she seemed like a bright girl and he can't imagine why guys would leave her. He said he was saying that with his tongue so far in his cheek it looked like he was blowing an elephant. Jon asked Ronnie if he'd be into that chick eating his ass out. Ronnie said he'd be into whatever she's into.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he doesn't think that Bob was trying to take advantage of the show with those plugs. He said he loves the Miserable Men show and maybe Bob was just writing down his plugs and sending them over there. Gary said that Bob is still going to get upset with them. Gary said they love the Miserable Men Show and they wouldn't keep it on if they didn't want him on.
Jon told Gary that Howard did cancel it at one point this morning. Gary didn't realize that. Nick said that Bob should be fine if he's on coke today.
Another caller said that Bob needs to understand the technology and how people are fast forwarding thought his plugs every day. Gary said that some people listen through and don't do that.
Another caller said that the plugs on the Wrap Up Show get really out of hand. He said that they do the same stuff every day and he recited what they say every day. He said it's very repetitive. Nick said that's how you remember those plugs because they are repetitive.
Nick said he was just kidding today with the Muslim thing. He said he doesn't want to get shot over the whole thing.
Hanzi was on the phone again and going off on Nick again. He said that Nick isn't being a man with this thing. Nick egged him on and Hanzi got really pissed and yelled at him. Nick told him to get out of America and move to Canada or somewhere. That's actually where he lives already.
Hanzi yelled at Nick and said he'd beat the fuck out of him if he kept this up. Nick said he sounds like a real peaceful guy. He said that's all this guy thinks is about violence. Hanzi said he's never met an Italian guy who isn't racist. Hanzi told him that he looks more like a terrorist than he does.
Jon told Hanzi that Nick was just joking about this whole thing. Hanzi said that every comedian does that even though that's what they're thinking.
Nick asked Hanzi why people float here to this country if it's so racist. Hanzi said that they have the religious right wing running this country. He and Nick went back and forth arguing about that. Nick found out that Hanzi is from Toronto and said that he doesn't know what's going on down here.
Nick said that not all Muslims are terrorists but all terrorist are Muslim. Hanzi said that George Bush was a terrorist. Nick said that he had just apologized to him but he wasn't accepting it.
Hanzi said he doesn't want to hear this shit from him. Nick told him to stay up in Toronto. He said that he's a jackass. He was also goofing on his stutter. Hanzi told Nick he's no one either and kept saying ''fuck you man!'' Nick asked him why he gets so excited over it if he doesn't think he's anything. Hanzi said that racists like him don't have the right to be in this world.
Jon tried to straighten things out between them but it wasn't working. He asked Nick if he was joking or not. Nick said he was but Hanzi said that there is a lot of racism toward brown people on the show. nick told him not to listen to the show then.
Hanzi said that Howard once asked Sal if he thought calling a black person a gorilla was right. He said that they also do impressions of Indian people on the show that are very racist. Hanzi said he understands that but they're not listening to him. Gary asked him why he tunes into the show.
Hanzi said that he laughs at some of the stuff they do on the show but sometimes he gets pissed off when they do some of their impressions. Hanzi was so pissed he was barely able to get his words out. He was talking really fast and Gary had to cut him off. Gary said he thinks they let him get out his thoughts. Hanzi said Gary doesn't like him either.
Hanzi said that Gary doesn't write him back when he writes to him. Gary said that he reads them all but he may not respond to them all. He said that most of his emails are long and pointless. Gary said that if he didn't like him he would tell him that his emails are long and pointless.
Hanzi said that he should be dead soon and they can all come and piss on his corpse. Jon said that no one was saying anything like that. Hanzi hung up around that time so they weren't able to get anything out of him.
Jon said that Nick said he was joking 10 times and Hanzi wouldn't accept that. Benjy said he thinks that Nick has some interesting points of view but he can understand why people would get upset about the comment he made about the mosques being set on fire. Nick said he knows that he didn't say it sarcastic enough and they keep taking it out of context. Nick said it wasn't that funny of a joke but this is unbelievable. Nick said he didn't know that Hanzi was criminally insane.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Hanzi comes from a place where they don't have that kind of racism. He said that he doesn't know what it's like there since he lives in Toronto. The guy said that Hanzi may have been high or something too.
The caller asked if Nick had a big herpes thing on his lip today. Last time he was on he had a burn on his lip and he claimed it wasn't herpes. Nick said he burned his lip on an egg before he came in last time and they had the new Miss Howard TV there that day too.
Another caller said that Hanzi should go and kill himself like any other Muslim would. Gary said that was a stupid comment. Nick said that it's not all of them, it's about half that do that kind of thing.
Another caller told the guys how funny they were and how much he loves the show. Nick was surprised that they got a nice call. He said that guy sounded like he was stuck in 1968 Hippie land.
Benjy said that up in Canada they're not allowed to talk like Nick was today. He said that maybe Hanzi isn't used to that kind of stuff. That led to the guys talking about how strict they are up there in Canada and how they got thrown off when they were on terrestrial radio. Nick said that's like someone imposing their moral beliefs on you.
Another caller said that he thinks that Gary should be able to listen and respond to the callers better than he does. Gary said Hanzi wasn't talking rationally and he tried to talk to him but Hanzi wasn't listening to him. Gary said that he asked Hanzi why he continues to listen if he doesn't like the racism and he wouldn't answer.
The caller said that he loves the show because the show brings out emotion. He said that when you corner someone like they did with Hanzi, that's not the way Howard does things. The caller said that they should be able to talk to the listeners better and handle him better. Gary said that there was no way to handle Hanzi because he was screaming like a maniac.
Gary said he never told Hanzi not to listen, he was just wondering why he does continue to listen. The caller said he thinks that they pushed him over the edge and that's why he was freaking out as much as he was. Gary and the caller went back and forth talking about that and Gary kept asking how he was supposed to handle an irrational person like Hanzi. The caller just said he should have been able to handle him. They had to go to break a short time later.
The guys talked about how there is racism in this country and it will always be out there. Nick said that it's never going to go away and some of the people who voted for him voted just because he was black so they're racist too. Nick asked if he was living in a parallel universe or something.
Gary asked Nick about the discussions Nick had with Howard and Robin about politics and if he feels outnumbered in this country. Nick said that for 100 years in this country it's been nothing but the Left and now there are some right wing people getting on radio.
Gary said that FOX News is a right wing network so where are the Left. Nick said that just about every other network is left wing and asked Gary what he was talking about.
Jon asked Nick if there are any other channels out there that are right wing. Nick said that some people think that Bill O'Reilly right wing but he's not and Bill even says he's not.
Nick said that there's an alternative point of view out there and people are freaking out about it. He said that FOX doesn't lie like they think they do and it's just a different point of view.
Nick said that they're trying to get rid of guys like Rush and Sean Hannity on radio. He said it probably won't work but it's happening.
Nick said that he likes Obama as a person but he doesn't like his politics. He said that he seems like a cool guy.
Nick said that wearing your politics on your sleeve may not be the best thing to do but that's what he likes to do. He said that comedy clubs are like the only place you can cut loose and say this stuff he believes. Gary said he could do that on The Daily Show. Nick said that show is the Status Quo and you can't do it on there either. He said he likes Jon Stewart though.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he likes Nick saying he's not a hard core republican but all of the stuff he's saying is pretty much right wing stuff. Nick said that he doesn't believe all of their stuff. Gary said Scott DePace says the same thing. He said that he's mostly republican. Nick said that they may be more libertarian.
Nick said that people have forgotten what real racism is in this country. He said that racism has become blurred here in this country and they use it to describe all kinds of stuff.
Another caller said he wanted to defend Bob Levy a little bit. He said that his fans aren't the brightest bulbs so they need as much information as possible so they can write it down with pen and paper. Nick jokingly said they need crayons to write it down.
Another caller asked what happened to ''sticks and stones will break my bones...'' Gary said that it's an easy thing to say but it's kind of childish. He said that the guy is saying that people could have a thicker skin. The caller said that everyone is hurt by words these days. Nick said that words can't hurt you. Gary said they can. The caller said that he's been called all kinds of nasty names in his life and he's learned to love it. He said that he's been called Ogre so he put that on his license plate.
Gary and Nick continued to talk about the racism thing. They were stuck in this vortex for quite a while. Another guy from Toronto called in and said that Nick is the reason that the whole world hates Americans. Nick said that's bullshit and he said that he's been around the world and he hasn't seen this. The caller said that Nick is the kind of guy who hides behind the whole first amendment thing. Nick said that they have no freedom of speech up there in Canada. The caller said that's not true either.
The caller and Nick went back and forth and Nick said that he's just bitter because he lives in that shithole up there. Nick said we have people sneaking into this country every day here and they love it. He said this is the best country in the world. Benjy said that no one is taking an inner tube and sneaking from Maine to Toronto.
Jon tried to change subjects and asked Nick about going out on the road doing his comedy. Nick said they love him up in Montreal when he does shows up there. He said he sells out shows up there. Nick said this country is pretty much perfect compared to the rest of the world.
Gary said that there are places that are less racist than here. He said that Italy is one. Then he took that back and said that maybe it was a bad example. He said he didn't see any black people over there when he was there.
Nick said that we're a little more evolved here in this country. He said that we don't blow each other up in cafes when we have a disagreement. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about how he got some sleep last night. He said he was out once he went to bed. The night before he was up at 2 in the morning.
Howard said he got some bad news that his aunt Sally died. He said his mom called him with that news last night. Howard said Sally was very nice to him when he was a kid and not too many people were interested in what he was doing. Howard said he used to make up comic books when he was a kid and his aunt would read them. Howard said he had this one comic book called ''Pug'' and aunt Sally read every page of it. He said she would look at it and tell him it was pretty good. He said she was critical about some things but she showed a real interest in it.
Howard said it left a real impression on him all these years. He said his uncle was nice to him too and he would let him touch his gun. Not his penis but his actual gun. Howard said his uncle Bob was a cop and he used to go out hunting so he got to see his gun. Howard said he was a real man and it was strange to be a Jew and a cop. Howard said there are more Jewish cops today than there were back then.
Howard said that Bob was a hero cop and saved some people's lives. Howard said Bob ran across a guy swinging an axe while walking down the street. He said he was swinging it at people and Bob unloaded about 5 bullets in the guy to take him down. Howard said the guy even took a swing at Bob's head. Howard said that's a tough decision to make but Bob had to do it to stop the guy.
Howard said Bob had to go through an investigation over that and he passed through that. Howard said that Sally was a heavy smoker but she lived through to her 90s. Howard said he was worried about her smoking that much but she defied the odds. Howard said she would talk about everything out loud when they were at family gatherings and stuff. He said she was a good grandmother and she was very attentive and all of that. He said she was a great woman to him.
Howard said the fact that Sally read his comic book meant a lot to him. He said that her last name was Needleman and she was a great woman to him. Howard said she may have been a little outrageous or obnoxious to some people the way she would yell things out at the family gatherings but he loved it.
Howard said Sally loved the sun too and she would lay out like a lizard and get sun. He said that she stopped eventually but never got any skin cancer or anything like that.
Howard said his father is like 86 so she must have been close to 90 something. Howard said he asked his mom how his dad was doing and Ben was saying that she may have suffered the last couple of years of her life.
Howard said he found out that Sally knew Mark Harris too. Howard said he was always afraid that Mark was going to marry his aunt.
Howard said his uncle died long ago. He said that Bob used to like to play golf and he'd play with his cop buddies. He said he wasn't very good at playing and never took lessons to get better. Howard said you'd think that you'd want to get better but Bob didn't care.
Howard said he remembers going to his funeral and seeing him dead in the box. That was the first time he saw a dead person laying in a box. He said that image sticks in his head and that's not the best way to remember the guy.
Howard said his aunt is gone and that's a bummer for him. He said he's going out of town this week and he's not sure when the funeral is. He may not be able to go. Howard said he has fond memories of his aunt Sally and he's okay if he doesn't go to the funeral but he would like to be there if he can.
Howard said that's what happens when you get older. Robin said that she's lost some friends this past year too and she knows that she'll be attending a lot of funerals.
Artie said he had an uncle who retired and had a heart attack and died. Howard said some people need that job to have a purpose in life.
Robin said that some people say that retirement is bad for people. Howard said his father loves his retirement. He was forced into it when he was around 58 but he's found things to keep him busy. Howard said he doesn't seem to miss working at all. Howard said he's pretty sure he can retire because he knows that he can find things to keep him busy.
Robin said she loved how the guys had to rest once in a while to take a break. Howard said they'd rest for like 5 minutes and then get back to the fighting. Robin said she had to go to the bathroom during the movie. She took a break when there was some dialog.
Howard said Robin drinks a lot so she had to take that break. Howard said he plans ahead not to drink when he has a movie coming up. Howard said he doesn't have time to take a break like that.
Howard said Robin surprised him when she told him that she was going to Yoga class. Robin said she just tired that. She said she's taking a class where they do this hot, sweaty Yoga thing called Bikram Yoga. Robin said the smell of the room hits you before you even get there. She said that people are sweating at a level you can't believe and the smell never leaves you.
Howard said they had this screening of the movie yesterday and that was on 53rd street. Howard said they told him that he wasn't going to be able to get back to 57th because of Obama doing Letterman. Howard said he wanted to walk down there instead of driving. Howard said he got to 53rd and a cop stopped him and said he couldn't go up the street. Howard said he asked the cop what was going on but the cop didn't answer him.
Howard said he told the cop he had to go into that building that he could see and the cop wasn't saying a word to him. Howard said he wasn't into it and he told him he had to wait at least 15 minutes. Howard said the crowd was getting bigger and bigger and they were taking pictures of him. Howard said he had just come from the gym and he looked like shit. Howard said he wasn't going to go to the movie and he was ready to leave. Howard said things were getting nuts.
Howard said he tried a different cop trying to find a different ethnic group. Howard said the cop who denied him access was black. Howard saw an Asian officer and said he had never seen one on the force. Howard said he's not sure if he was Japanese, Korean or whatever. He said he can't tell the difference.
Howard said the other cop didn't let him go by either. Then Obama's cars went by him and he was stuck there waiting for the guy. Howard said if they didn't stop the crowd there, no one would even know the guy was in the city. Howard said they have way too much security when they come in there. Howard said there must have been 70 cars that drove by.
Howard said that Tracey came out of the building because she heard he was waiting at the corner. He said she came marching over to the police officer and asked him if he knew who he was. The cop knew he was Howard Stern. Tracey said ''that's right!'' and tried to get him in there. Howard said he asked the cop if he could go in and the cop let him go by. Howard said it was a good thing that Tracey came out. Howard said she has the ability to get things going. He said that everyone is afraid of her, even the cops. Howard said Tracey got him into the movie and he had a great time with that.
Howard said that Artie grabbed the bill yesterday at dinner. He said he did it the right way too and grabbed it without telling anyone. Howard said they went to Nobu. Howard said there was a smoking hot chick sitting behind Artie. Howard said Gary was looking at the wrong girl and thought that he was talking about a blonde. He said that this brunette was really hot.
Gary said that the guy that was out with the girl didn't match her. Howard said he noticed that too. Howard said before he was married he would have gone over to that table and tried to pick that girl up. Howard said he used to do that when he was dating.
Howard said he used to do that kind of thing and he knows it's a real asshole move. He said he's a reformed asshole now. Howard said you can't go grabbing stuff like the world is yours. He said that you have to stand there and fuckin' wait sometimes.
Howard said that women used him and he used them. Howard said that some women were using him like he was a doorway to some kind of career and he was using them for sex.
Robin asked Howard what he's going to do if he's ever single again. Howard said he's going to recognize that he's going to think about what's going on inside of himself and not thing about just fucking a broad. Howard said he was on a feeding frenzy back then. Gary said he had a hard dick back then and that's what was driving him to do what he was doing. Gary said that could happen again.
Howard said he would never try to steal a girl again from a guy. He said it happened twice but he won't do that again.
Howard said the Howard TV guys were putting up pictures of Greg Fitzsimmons for some reason. He didn't know what was going on there.
Howard said that using women as a drug is never going to work. Howard said he did that a little bit and it wasn't good for him. He said he did dated a bunch of women and he was dating multiple women at the same time. Howard said that if a woman goes to bed with you, they're going to have feelings for you. He said that guys and women have the same mind set and they wall want to be adored by the other person. Robin said that some women are out to just have sexual satisfaction just like guys do.
Howard said that he does believe in sexual addiction because he's seen it. He said that he won't laugh when he hears about people having a sexual addiction anymore. Howard said that he gets what a guy like David Duchovny was up to.
Howard said he likes banging a woman as much as the next guy but you can fuck your whole life up in that chase.
Howard said that he was thinking about that new Miss Howard TV yesterday. He said what she was saying about wanting to be the sex toy at home isn't going to last long though. He said that stuff just doesn't last a long time. He said it might last a month or so.
Howard said that ''Ninja Assassin'' movie was really good. Howard said when they went to dinner he saw that hot chick. Artie said he saw a couple of other hot chicks there. Ralph pointed out one girl to him when they got up to leave. Artie missed the one behind him though. Howard said he was watching that girl like he watches a movie.
Howard played the clip where Sal and Richard call this Swap Shop show. Howard said the guy does all of the voices on the show. He had to cut the clip off when Ralph called in.
Ralph called in and said that this one chick at Nobu looked like Posh Spice. He said that's the one he pointed out to Artie. He said he wasn't looking at her too much because that's what her whole life must be like.
Howard said he was aware of that chick so he pretended that he wasn't looking at her. Howard said they were all pretending to talk about the artichoke salad instead. Artie said he was the only one who was actually talking about the salad and not looking at the chick.
Howard said that no one would take the last bites of the meals they ordered. He said that he'd tell Artie to have the last bite and Artie would say ''Really?'' and shovel it in. Howard said he almost lost a finger when he tried to eat something.
Howard said they serve food there at Nobu in a way that you have to share food. He said it's really weird when you're there with a bunch of dudes. He said it's one thing when you're on a date but when you're with guys it's strange.
Howard said the host of this show is doing the echo thing on his voice so much that you can't even understand what he's saying. He played the audio of that and he's in the middle of a commercial before he comes back to take some phone calls. The host is humming along and then takes some calls from Sal and Richard. The guy's name is Jack. Richard got through first and said that he knew a guy whose name was Jack Off. Jack then makes a call to find out what the number was and it was 666-666-6666. Sal and Richard somehow changed that number before they called into the show.
Jack takes a call from a woman looking for a job. Then he takes one from Sal who says he has a ''rim job'' or a ''blow job'' for that caller. Jack then calls the number to find out what number had just called. The service says that it's 969-969-6969. Jack gets all pissed off and says that those guys are sick and foolish. Jack takes another one from Sal and hangs right up on him. Another caller said that they can jot down the time they call in and they can find out who they were.
Jack talks about how foolish those guys were and takes more calls. Richard and Sal keep calling in and asking for the rim job and blow jobs. Jack starts writing down the times that they call in. Jack stopped taking calls on that line because of the calls. Then he ends the show and goes into that heavy echo again.
Howard said they have to get a different guy in there to do the live reads. Howard said he thinks that they call that ''slap echo.'' Robin said it sounds like someone from outer space is trying to sell you a car in those commercials.
Howard tried some echo out on his voice and said he's going to try doing his live reads like that. Howard demonstrated what that would sound like with a Beck's beer commercial. Howard said he thinks he's going to go to that format. He said he's going to do that when he promotes the sponsors that give him money for games they play. He said it's a pretty good technique. Howard said that was the boys with ''Tradio'' ... but it was actually the Swap Shop show.
Robin asked if Richard would like something like that. Howard said he's pretty sure even Richard wouldn't like that. Howard said the funny thing is that Butch Patrick is still trying to be Eddie Munster and he has to be in his 50s now. Howard said it's got to be tough for the guy. Howard said it was like the best time of his life back then and he's still sticking with it after all these years.
Howard said he read a story about Eddie kicking a kid on the set and Grandpa Al didn't say anything because he didn't want to get him in trouble. Howard said it has to be tough to be on a show like that and never get on anything else. Howard said he's kind of glad he didn't keep it going though.
Howard said he heard that Michael Jackson was complaining about not having a childhood. Howard said he had a childhood himself and it wasn't so great. Howard said he had guys beating him up and other guys asking him to jack them off. Howard said that stuff wasn't so fun.
Artie and Howard think that Michael was gay and that's what the whole missing childhood cover was all about. Howard said that his mother would tell him that he wasn't behaving properly when he was a kid. Howard said he'd rather be out on the road with his brothers like Michael Jackson was.
Richard came in and said that he met Butch Patrick at a convention and had him say a few lines for a low budget film he was making. He said he had Ron Palillo do some stuff for him too.
Robin asked Richard if he would buy that song that Howard had just played. Richard said he might. He said they have a channel there on SIRIUS that he listens to that plays stuff like that.
Howard said he was listening to some of the NFL stuff on SIRIUS this weekend. He said they have amazing coverage of all of the games. Gary said that it is pretty cool because they do some local coverage there that's pretty good. He told Howard about some of the stuff that he's listened to himself. Artie talked about some other local guy who had heard and did an impression of that guy.
Howard did an impression of Gary talking about the shrimp and said that they started shaking as soon as they saw Gary.
Howard said the guys weren't shy at all with the food there. Howard said he ordered a tuna salad and it vanished within seconds. Gary said he had two pieces from the plate and there were 8 there so someone had to have had 3 pieces. Artie swore he only had 2 so it must have been Ralph. Howard said he only had 1.
Howard said he has a good time going out to dinner with Gary. He said they were the ones who talked to each other mostly. He said Artie and Ralph talked a bit too.
The caller asked Howard what his dad thinks about his wife going away for a month. Howard said he doesn't know that his father thinks about anything because they don't really talk. Howard said he doesn't think his mother is too happy about it. He said she says that they should be together. He did his impression of her as he was talking about that.
Howard said his mother thinks that she's like Gandhi and does this zen kind of thing. He said that she says ''All this is that'' all the time. He did his impression of her talking to him about that.
Howard did an impression of Gary talking about the shrimp at the table and how they ''run for zee hills'' when they see his teeth coming. Howard said they sell scallops at Nobu by the piece. Howard said he looked at the table and saw how big Artie was and ordered based on that. Artie said those things were good too.
Howard said he had the waitress bring each ''boy'' two pieces. Howard said they brought them out and they had different sauces for them. Howard said he knows that some of the guys are shnurers so he told them how many they could take.
Gary said he felt like he was sitting with Howard's dad when he started telling them what to take. Howard said he was telling Gary about what the meals were they were getting and Gary didn't understand it was all scallops. Howard said he had to tell Gary what to take and how to serve himself. Howard said he wouldn't have done it right if he hadn't told him.
Robin said that most civilized people take one piece and take what's left after that. Robin said you don't have to divvy up the food like that. Howard said he does have to do that with these guys. Howard said that Artie has been there before and he still has to explain it all to him.
Ralph called in again. He said that Gary wasn't eating one of the meals because it didn't have a noodle in it. Howard said Gary said it was because he was on a diet. Gary said he didn't feel like eating it so he didn't. He said he's on a diet and he just didn't feel like eating it. Howard said that Gary is on this arbitrary diet and he was eating all kinds of stuff that's not good for his diet.
Gary said he wanted to order what he wanted to fit his diet but Howard took over and placed the whole order. Howard said he talked about doing that but Artie wanted him to order for them so that's what he did.
Gary said that having one drink isn't fun. He said that he has to have like 8. Ralph had a bunch of drinks. Artie wasn't drinking so Howard didn't drink. Howard asked if it was hard for him to watch Ralph drinking. Artie said he just goes to another addiction and eats food instead.
Artie said he likes how Howard, Gary and him all go for the bill and Ralph sits there like a wax figure. Howard said no one looks at Ralph like he's going to pay the bill. Ralph said he has paid for dinner before and that's bullshit. Howard said he doesn't have a lot of money so he knows that he's not going to pay every time. A caller said that they sound like a bunch of old women bickering about all of this stuff.
Speech Impediment Man called in and asked at what age Superman got his super powers. Howard explained the history of Superman, or Kal-El, and said that as soon as he entered the atmosphere here on Earth he got his powers. Howard said he started to realize the powers right away. He would exhibit some of the powers right away but some came on later. Howard said he discovered them accidentally later on.
Robin said that on ''Smallville'' Clark Kent doesn't even have his suit. Howard said that show is weird and they don't follow the whole story with that stuff. Howard said that Kal-El had to make his own uniform with his super powers.
Speech Impediment Man asked about the Watchmen guys and what kind of super powers they had. Howard said he doesn't know much about them but it seemed like only one guy had super powers.
Robin asked if Superman has moved to Metropolis on Smallville. Howard said he had just moved there at the end of the season.
Speech Impediment Man said that he would like to do a show in place of Riley Martin's show. He said he'd even do it for half price. Howard didn't seem interested and said he had to go to break.
Robin talked about the last time she played and how she dropped out. She played against Mark McEwen back then and he's had a stroke since then. Howard said he had a good career going too. Fred said the guy is actually a little younger than them. Howard said that he had worked with Mark back when he was first starting out. Howard said he got a weatherman gig on CBS and was on there for a while. Howard said he had forgotten about the stroke.
Robin said that Mark has a speech impediment now and it's really sad. She said that he wrote a book about what had happened to him. Howard said they should have him back on doing the weather even with the speech impediment. Robin said she was amazing at that Celebrity Jeopardy. Robin said she played against Regis Philbin one time and beat him. Howard said that's not surprising.
Howard asked Robin who she's playing against this time but she swore she didn't know. She said that she won't know until she shows up.
Howard wanted to test Robin out with some questions so he had Fred ask her some. Fred threw some questions out to her and she knew a couple of answers. Howard asked Fred why he hasn't gone on Jeopardy. Fred said he's never been asked.
Howard told Robin she has to win this one. He said she can't embarrass the show. Robin said she'll do her best. She said she'll have a nice tittie outfit picked out for the show. Howard said she should get someone professional to help her pick out some clothes. She said she doesn't have the time to do that. She said she has something in her closet that will work. Howard told her to show off that ''cleave'' on the show.
All of that somehow got Artie doing his Ham Hands Bill impression talking about Robin's warm butt cheeks and stuff.
Howard asked Robin some more trivia questions and she didn't know one about Eritrea which is that country she raised money for. Howard asked her what state Reed represents. Robin didn't know. Howard asked who the secretary of defense is. Robin didn't know. She didn't know a lot of the questions they were throwing out there. Fred kept hitting a buzzer sound effect every time Howard would throw a question out to her.
Howard asked Robin what she's going to do if Alex Trebek proposes to her. Robin said she would have to decline. Howard said she has to answer in the form of a question. She would have to say ''What is No?'' They had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and asked Lisa G to come in with her Howard 100 News preview. They were also talking about Aerosmith and how the guys have to be in their 60s by now.
Lisa came in with her news preview and said they have a story about Gary going to his foot doctor yesterday. She said that they say that he has toe fungus and athlete's foot and a growth on the bottom of his foot. Everyone was grossed out but that. Artie said he was going to throw out his fruit cup.
Lisa said that Gary was contagious and it was best that he wore his socks at Howard's house. Lisa said that the growth may have to be removed if it gets any bigger. Gary said that's the growth that the girl licked on the show one time.
Gary said that he has a toe fungus, that's it. Gary said his foot doesn't itch or anything. Lisa said there is a good thing about all of this. Gary has hairy feet and that means he has good circulation down there. That's a good thing for him.
Lisa said it was an interesting afternoon to say the least. She said that his feet don't look too bad for his age. Lisa said they have to laser all of his toes to make sure the fungus goes away. She also has to file down his toe nails so the laser can penetrate. Lisa said Gary had to clip his nail for a sample and that was hard for her to hear.
Lisa said they spoke to Rev. Bob Levy about his plugs. She said that Bob claims that he made a deal to have two plugs at the end of the show. Howard said he never had that conversation. Howard said Bob doesn't have a deal, he doesn't work there. Howard said he sits in on the show sometimes so he gave him some plugs. Howard said he never made a ''deal'' with him. Howard said the plugs have to be reasonable and he's fine with giving them to him.
Howard said they got a lot of mail about that plug thing. He read some of the feedback and some people were on his side in the whole thing. Howard read one where a guy was on his side. Another guy said that things sound much better without the long plugs. Another guy said they go on and on during the Miserable Men show with their plugs.
Howard said there were people complaining about him bitching about the plugs. People were upset about the rant he was doing about the whole thing and wasting more time than the plugs ever did. Some people don't care about the plugs but they love to see him get crazy when he's pissed off. There were some people saying that Beth should stay away for another 6 months because it makes Howard angry and that turns into great radio.
Howard said he's just trying to do what's right. He said he doesn't mind giving Bob a plug but he has to keep it reasonable. Howard said a plug for his web site is enough. He said they shouldn't go on and on during the Miserable Men show either.
Lisa said that Bob was also telling her why Beetlejuice appears on the Miserable Men show sometimes is because he's on the comedy shows with him and he has to drive him home. He said sometimes they come right from the comedy gigs to the Miserable Men show and he doesn't have time to drive him home.
Howard said that having Beetlejuice on the show all the time is too much. Howard said Beet is like a spice and you can't use him too much. Howard said that he doesn't really mind Beetle being on that show. He said it's the plugs that were bothering him.
Lisa said that Richard is in the movie ''Albino Farm'' and the DVD is out today. Howard said he wants to see that. Robin asked if he was serious. Howard said ''Yeah right...''
Howard said he was proud of Robin doing that Jeopardy show. He said he could never do it himself. Robin said that she did win once so she thinks she can do okay. Howard said he'd be afraid of the buzzer and not being able to buzz in fast enough.
Robin said that doing ''Who Wants to be a Millionaire'' is tougher because you have to answer every question. She said that Jeopardy is easier.
Howard yawned and said that he was tired but he did get plenty of sleep. He said he stayed up to watch Dancing with the Stars though. Robin said that the beset thing to do is tune into the last 10 minutes of the show and watch the wrap up. Howard said that the female dancers are so hot that he has to watch that stuff.
Howard said he wanted to see the girls dance. He wanted to see Kelly Osbourne but that's not until tonight. Howard said he's kind of bored with the show. He said he can't watch 2 or 3 hours of that show in one night. That's just too much time for him. Howard said Heroes was on last night and they did a 2 hour premiere. He said that's too much too.
JD told Howard that the show was the ''most boringest'' show he had ever heard. Howard asked him how he can talk like that after going to college. JD said that he didn't go to college. He went to Full Sail which is a place where you go to learn specific things. Howard said he thought it was a college but it's not. Gary said they do say it's a university. JD said he did get an associates degree going there.
JD said he listened to like 5 minutes of Ronnie's show and got bored so he stopped. He said that Scott the Engineer wasn't able to listen to it either. JD said they tried to listen to a story about Ronnie selling a lease on his truck and it was impossible to follow. Ronnie was going off on JD saying he can't even talk so he can't do his own show.
Ronnie said that Gary came in as a guest last night and he thought it was fun. Howard said he might have to take that show off the air. He told JD he was going to give him the power to cancel the show. Howard asked JD if it was bad. JD just laughed. Ronnie said he doesn't care either way but he's a stupid ass if he does cancel it.
JD said that the show isn't for his demographic so he's not sure what to say. JD said it might be for people who have cars to sell and stuff like that. JD said he doesn't have a car, he takes the subway.
Ronnie said JD did have a car. He said that he paid more for the car then he would if it was new. Ronnie said the car was the biggest piece of shit and he was paying like $600-700 a month for it. JD asked Ronnie if he knew what kind of car it was. Ronnie said it was a Dodge something. It was a Dodge Neon according to JD.
Howard asked JD if he should keep the show on the air or not. JD said he wasn't sure. He asked Ronnie how many callers they had. Ronnie didn't know. Ronnie told JD that he's a dead person if he gets his show taken off the air.
Ronnie said the show isn't just his. He said that they have Wayne Segal and some other guys who do the show. Ronnie said that Cadillac Sean didn't show up because he had to play softball.
Howard played some clips from the first show Ronnie did. Ronnie said that the first show was bad and he didn't want Howard to play clips. Howard went ahead with it anyway. Howard said he thinks he may have to take it off the air. He said it's boring. Ronnie said the show is getting better and even Jim McClure told him that it's getting better.
Howard said that Ronnie lived on this street that had some woods at the end of the street. They're going to build houses there and they're clearing the land near there. Ronnie said he went home last night and he heard tapping on the front door. The dog went nuts and ran out to the front window. Ronnie said there were 5 raccoons knocking on his door and they were walking away as he got to the front window. Ronnie said that they were doing the same thing to the other neighbor's houses. He said they've been displaced by the woods being taken down. He said that there are also some opossums that have been displaced because of the construction.
Howard said there should be a moratorium on building in some spots like that. Ronnie said that the house that was on the land was like 125 years old and now it's been sold to someone else and they're going to tear down that house and build some other houses on the property. Ronnie said the animals don't know where to go now. He said that the raccoons will attack you if you corner them.
Howard heard that Ronnie was talking to people about what kind of car is the best to have sex in. Ronnie said some girl called in and asked so he told her that a 1967 Dodge Dart was a good one. He said the show was good but that was one stupid question they answered.
Ronnie was going off on JD for not listening to the show and pulling clips for Howard to play. Howard said that he should have pulled something from the show. JD said that he wasn't able to get through it. Scott came in and said that he dares Howard to listen to the clip he just pulled. Howard said he would do that.
Howard played the clip where Ronnie was talking about going to lease a truck. He said he went to get a GMC Denali like he had already. He said that they don't have any to sell him though. He went on and on about how the truck wasn't available and he might be able to get one by the end of the year.
Robin said that JD was laughing through the whole thing so it was fun to listen to it with him. JD said that Ronnie was listening to it with his hand under his chin like The Thinker. Ronnie said he was not and he was just standing there.
In the clip Ronnie wondered why he wanted this car anyway because it looks the same as his 2007 model. There was a woman who asked Ronnie why he wasn't going to buy a Challenger from her. Ronnie said he wasn't ready to do that yet. He just said ''Not yet.''
Howard said they were half way through the clip and it was pretty boring. Howard said Mariann from Brooklyn liked the show. He picked up on her and she said that the show was pretty good. She said she thinks that her own show was the worst. She said that she thinks that Howard is longing for his partner and that's why he's so miserable lately.
Mariann said that Crazy Alice asked her to give a shout out to him. She said she can't call in herself. Mariann said that she wanted to hear about Howard's trip out to California. Ronnie told her that they're busy listening to his show.
JD said that Ronnie's show is like one of those TV shows where they just show the houses that are for sale. Ronnie went off on JD for not pulling clips and told him that he should have pulled clips from the show. JD said he was bored by it and he was trying to find interesting clips. Ronnie told him he was an asshole for not pulling clips.
Ronnie asked JD what clips he pulled when he came in at 2 in the morning. JD said he pulled some Obama clips. Ronnie said they've heard enough of the Obama stuff.
Howard said Obama apologized for tying up traffic there but he should just stop tying up traffic instead. Robin said he came here for a date night one time and that was ridiculous. She said he should just stay home.
The caller said that the surprise is the best. She said they both do it to each other and it's the best. Howard said he'd be really uptight if someone was back there with him. He said he knows he'd be stinky back there unless he just took a shower. He said he wouldn't want a minute to go by before he'd let someone go back there after a shower.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that he was the guy who went to China a few weeks ago. He said he was going over to China to get his wife's daughter. Then the guy forgot why he called in so Howard had to hang up on him.
Another woman said she loves Robin and she's not sure how Robin can take it day after day with the guys giving her a hard time all the time. Howard said she loves it. Howard asked the caller if she's an ass licker. She said her husband loves it. She said he does it to her but she doesn't do it to him.
The caller said that Howard is giving her a hard time about what to wear on Jeopardy. Howard said he was just making some suggestions to do a fashion show for them there so they can pick out something for her to wear.
The woman asked why the credits on Howard TV run from top to bottom. Howard said Doug Goodstein is in charge of that. He said he doesn't know why they do that. Howard said he'll take a look at it.
Howard took a call from this guy Corky who was supposed to do the Auto show that Ronnie does. He showed up to do it but ended up walking out. Ronnie said that he came up there and he thought he was going to get his own show so he walked out of there. Ronnie said that he'll never come up there again and he'll never get his own show there.
Corky claims that the guys weren't willing to help out the consumer. Ronnie said the guy never gave anyone a chance and he walked out before the show even started. He said he was sweating like crazy. He said that Corky acted like a friggin' asshole when he showed up there. He said he went over and shook his hand and he treated him like an asshole.
Corky said Ronnie doesn't know the difference between cars and automobiles or anything about what they talk about on that show. He said that Wayne Segal guy has an attitude too. Ronnie said that Corky was the one with the attitude.
Ronnie went off on Corky and told him that the only show he's going to get is out on the corner of 42nd street. Ronnie said that Corky wanted to talk about his own car and no one cares about that shit.
Corky wanted to do his own auto show there but Howard told him he has to do it with Ronnie. Howard said Ronnie was willing to do the show with him.
Ronnie brought in Jim McClure who said that Howard told him he could do the show and he told Corky that he could sit in for the first 10 minutes and then they'd get to him. He said they would have him on as a special guest and Corky got all agitated and walked out about 2 minutes into the show. Jim said he was complaining about the lights being too bright up there and he was sweating and acting really strange.
Corky wasn't sure what to say about that. Corky said he wanted to do the show with Ronnie and not with all of the other guys there. He said that Wayne wasn't giving the right information to the consumer and he didn't like that. Ronnie asked how he knows that he wasn't giving the right information to the consumers. Corky said he listened to the show.
Howard asked Corky why he won't do the show the right way. Ronnie said that he'll show up with a machine gun if they let him up there. Jim said that he'd have to vote no on that too. He said that Corky is kind of freaky and he kind of sketched everyone out. Jim said he thinks the guy is crazy.
Corky was still complaining about Wayne Segal but Howard cut him off and said he tried to make it work. Ronnie said he was nice to the guy and he just acted weird. Jim said that a bunch of people thought he was just weird.
Robin said that maybe they have to meet this guy. Howard said they know corky. He said they gave him that name because they thought he looked a little bit like Corky from ''Life Goes On.'' Howard let Corky go and said he had to take another break. He said that he was going to play a game after the break.
Howard said that he had a game to pay but they also have Whitney Cummings coming in. Howard said he had this game where the caller has to guess who he's yelling at. Howard said he got some of them wrong himself.
Howard said that the caller was playing for $711 from 7-Eleven. Howard asked Gary for the notes on the game so he knew what he was doing. Gary said it was right in front of him. Howard said he didn't have it.
Howard didn't know what it was because it was an ad for the Fight Week special that's running next week while they're on vacation. Howard said that's on all week and it's hosted by Scott Ferrall. Howard said Scott is great and his show is great. Howard said his whole lifestyle is great. Howard said he's out of his mind and like a throwback to another era. Howard said he's a guy's guy.
Howard gave the caller a few choices for who he was yelling at. He played the clip and it was back at WNBC when he was yelling at Pig Virus. The caller guessed correctly. Robin said she would have gotten it wrong. She thought it was with John Hayes. Howard gave the guy his $711 and put him on hold.
Howard said he didn't have time to do 5 questions. He played one more for Artie to play. He had the choices of Sal, Stuttering John or Steve Grillo. Howard played that clip and he was telling the person that he was too obnoxious to be a comedian. It turned out to be Stuttering John.
Gary corrected Howard on the first question. He was wrong about it being Pig Virus. It was actually John Hayes.
Howard played another clip where he was yelling at someone and asked the guys if they knew who he was yelling at. It turned out to be Mancow.
Howard played another one where he was going off on someone and it turned out it was Artie. It was their ''bro'' argument. Howard played the clip again since Robin asked to hear it again. Howard had called Artie an asshole in that clip. Artie said that they were both out of line in that.
Howard played another clip where Howard was going off on a guy there who he wanted to pretend he wasn't there. It turned out to be Tom Chiusano.
Howard played one more where he was going off on someone about bothering him with their incompetence. Robin said it was Scott the Engineer. Fred knew it was Ralph. Howard said he'd play more later.
Howard said that Whitney is going to be at Caroline's this week. She's also set to star in a new FOX sitcom. Howard said he likes her comedy and told her about the Facebook thing and how embarrassing it is to read the stuff that people like Gange is posting. Whitney said that you shouldn't write it out if you wouldn't say it during a phone conversation.
Howard said he may start facebooking and write things like ''Howard is thinking about masturbating'' and things like that.
Howard said she's also right about the salad thing that she had in one of the clips he played. She was talking about how guys ordering a salad as an appetizer is gay.
Howard said he heard that Whitney is going to be in a sitcom. She said she just shot a pilot so he's jumping the gun on that. The show is produced by Ben Stiller and John Goodman is in it so Howard figures she's got a shot at it. Whitney said that she doesn't know who she has to blow to make it happen but she's willing to do it.
Howard told Whitney that her lisp are very full and asked if she has collagen in there. She said she doesn't but that's not where she'd start if she was going to have surgery. She said she has A-cups so she might start there. Howard said he likes perky breasts so A-cups might be just fine. He said that they're probably cute. She said that if you're a pedophile, she's the girl for you.
Whitney said that she had taken some birth control pills that made her boobs a little bigger but when that happened her stand-up wasn't as funny and she was bombing.
Howard asked Whitney if she can get laid being a comedian. She said that it's not the most attractive thing for a guy to date a comedian so it's tough. Howard said he gets that because the guy might be afraid of her telling things about them in her act. She said she is kind of dead inside so she might do that. She said that Sarah Silverman seems like more of a sweetheart type of girl so she might not do things like that.
Howard asked Whitney if it's weird to have sex with her because she's analyzing it all the time. She said that she does do that. Robin said Howard is probably doing the same with his wife. Howard said he does that but he's a guy.
Howard asked Whitney about what she sees with a guy when she's having sex with them. She said that she wants to know why all guy's balls look like they're 100 years old. She said that it's just the worst. Whitney said that she started shaving herself after watching some porn. She said that most women are bald in porn and she figured she should do the same. She said she gets razor burn and she had to cut back on that. Whitney said that you have to go with the grains and it's almost like playing Tetris when you shave.
Howard said that Whitney is looking good today but she said that she usually dresses like Ellen. She got dressed up for Howard and the guys today.
Howard said that Whitney was on the Joan Rivers roast with Robin. Whitney said that she was a little rough on Robin. Whitney said that she thought Robin could take it and that's why she was so rough on her. Whitney said people get really emotional about the jokes they tell. She said that Carrot Top cried at the Flavor Flav roast. She said she used to write for those roasts and she saw that Carrot Top cried. She said she really didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings so that's why she was rough on Robin. She knew she could take it.
Howard told Whitney that Robin may not have shown it on the roast but she was crying inside. Howard asked if she held back on any jokes about her. Whitney said that she did bring some of them along with her. She said she had a molestation joke that she wasn't sure about. Whitney said she said it but they ended up cutting it. She said it was something about how Robin had been fucked by more family members than Dane Cook. Whitney said she had one about Tom Arnold being held down by more white men than Robin's ancestors.
Whitney said that she has this dark thought about people that she uses to write the jokes. She said that she'll just write down every word she can come up with for the people and she links all of the words and turns them into jokes.
Whitney said that Joan told her that she thought this was the roast that really did it for her career and it was going to be a good thing for her. Howard asked if she was disturbed by her plastic surgery. Whitney said she isn't really bothered by it but they were having a hard time telling if she was laughing. She said that she was telling them that she was having a good time when they had a break at one point.
Howard said he thought that Joan was having a miserable time at his wedding and he went up to her and asked if that was the case. Howard said she told him that she was having a fabulous time. Robin said Joan really liked what they were doing at the roast and told the audience that it was really funny stuff.
Whitney told Howard some more of the jokes she had about Kathy Griffin and people like that. She had one about Kathy's face looking like a man's asshole. She had another one about Joan's face and how if her pussy is as tight as her face, she'd fuck her.
Whitney said that Mario Cantone went too long and she joked about him sucking. There were some people who didn't show up at the roast so she had some jokes about Artie written. Whitney said Artie pulled out of the Saget roast and she had a bunch written for him. Whitney said that they called some people that might fit his jokes and tried to get them on the show instead.
Whitney said that Lily Tomlin was supposed to be on the Joan roast. She said that Lily may not have wanted her gayness to be brought up. Whitney said she didn't even know she was gay but she's pretty sure she didn't want to be outed on that show. Whitney said that Suzanne Somers was also one who didn't show up to the Joan Rivers roast.
Howard asked Whitney if she was freaked out that Joan banned them from joking about her daughter. She said she didn't think she'd have that much material for her anyway so it wasn't a big deal to her.
Howard said he read that Whitney had gone to work as a comic in Dubai. Howard said he would never go to a place like that. Whitney said that she had a crazy experience there. She said it's gorgeous there and it looks like Narnia there. She said there are gorgeous women there who have no souls just wandering around. She said it feels very safe there.
Whitney said that she was there with security all the time and always dressed conservatively. She said she did the first show for a sheik and just did her stuff. She said it went great and she just went for it telling the jokes. She said she was joking about anything and everything. She went back to her hotel and thought it all went great.
Whitney said she heard the next day she was asked to go to dinner with the Sheik. She said that she wasn't going to go but her booking agent asked her to please go. Whitney said that she got picked up in a green Bentley and figured that's what she was going to be raped in.
Whitney said she showed up dressed like KD Lang and the guy asked her why she wasn't wearing a dress and didn't have her hair down. She put her hair down and the guy shushed her when she tried to talk to him.
Whitney said that the guy ordered for her and she wasn't able to say anything. He said that she has allergies and she can't just eat anything. She said the Sheik gave her a schedule for where they were going to go and it was like she was his new slut. Whitney said it was crazy. She said that they wanted to set her up with clothing and all of that stuff.
Whitney said that she was offered twice the money she would be making at the clubs she was going to be playing. She said it wasn't a bad deal really. Whitney said she wasn't able to just get away from this guy if she wanted to. She said she was scared and she was thinking that he was in Al Qaeda or something and if she didn't fuck him then he would take it out on the United States.
Whitney said that the sheik was making her drink her drinks by staring her down until they were gone. She thought that she might get raped or something and all kinds of crazy thoughts were going through her head.
Whitney said she snuck out of the club she was in and took a cab that she wasn't even sure was a cab. Whitney said that she got out of the date by doing that. She said she's also been to Lebanon and the women there are liberated but there are tanks and bombs all over the place there.
Howard asked Whitney when she last got laid. Whitney said she had a boyfriend for a while but her schedule is really hard.
Howard gave Whitney some plugs for her Caroline's appearances. Howard asked here where she grew up. She grew up in Washington DC. Whitney said her mother does Fashion P.R. and her father is into some financial stuff. Whitney said that she told a story on the show the last time she was on where she had a threesome. She said that she didn't lick anyone's asshole though. She said the other chick didn't lick her asshole either.
Whitney said she didn't have an orgasm with the woman either. She said that she was licking her but they were drunk and it wasn't really real so it didn't happen.
Howard asked Whitney if he and Beth could get her. She said that could happen. Whitney said that she met Beth once and she was very beautiful. Howard wrapped up and gave Whitney some more plugs for her comedy shows and for the pilot she shot. Howard said he hopes that works out for her. He wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and had Bob Levy on the phone. He said that Gary told him that Bob had called and thought he was fired so he was going to leave. Bob said that's what he heard. Howard said it wasn't even Bob's fault that the plugs were so long.
Bob said he may have made some mistakes with the plugs. Howard said he heard that Bob was saying they may not do the show anymore because he doesn't get to see his family on Sunday nights. Howard asked Bob if he's going to keep doing the show or not. Howard said he didn't fire him.
Bob said that he thought he was fired from what he heard on the show and from people who heard the show. Howard said no one called him to fire him. Bob said he thought he was fired on the air. Howard said he was just kidding around.
Bob said that the whole Beetlejuice thing was because he was with him all night and he was sick... Howard cut him off and told him that he doesn't care. He said that he's not fired. He said if he does fire him it won't be on the air. Howard said he'll have someone else doing the firing.
Howard told Bob to just get the plugs under control. Bob said he was just trying to explain himself. Howard said it was all about the plugs and that's it. He said that's all it was about.
Bob said he thought that Howard was saying that they rip off his show with the wack packers. Howard said he wasn't saying that, he just thought it would be best not to overexpose people like Beetlejuice. Howard said he just wants Bob to rein in the plugs and that's it.
Howard said it was no big deal and he told him not to get hurt by it. Howard said he knows the weepy Bob Levy voice and he knows he's upset. Bob said he's really not upset. He said he didn't know why he got screamed at for two days.
Howard said he wasn't screaming at him, he was wondering why the plugs were so long and he's going to blame that on Tim and Gary. Howard said it's nothing personal. He said that it was kind of ''shnurie'' but Bob didn't even know what that meant.
Howard said he's fine with this and it's all under control. He told Bob not to be hurt. Bob said he heard Howard yelling at him so that's why he called in.
Howard told Bob to stop being dramatic. Bob said he wasn't, it was Howard being dramatic. Howard told everyone to listen to Bob on Miserable Men on Sunday nights at 7.
Gary came in and said that Bob told him that he was talking about ending the Miserable Men show because they were missing their families and stuff. Bob said he thought he was fired. Bob and Gary went back and forth goofing on each other. Gary said he's never had to live in his wife's basement. Bob said that's because his teeth wouldn't fit.
Gary was goofing on Bob about his spelling and Bob was calling him a monkey and stuff like that. Gary said that Bob can't even understand what he reads in the newspaper. Gary said that Bob doesn't treat him very well sometimes and that's why he's kind of pissed at him. Bob said that he goes out of his way to help the show. Gary said that's got nothing to do with the way he treats him.
Gary said that Bob has sent him emails that are really weird and he bashes him and the show. Howard said he didn't want to go on with this anymore. Robin said it should have been over 5 minutes ago. Howard let Bob go and said he just wanted to make sure the station sounds good. He didn't want the plugs going on forever.
Howard said that no one is communicating with anyone. Gary had said something about irony earlier and Howard pointed out it wasn't irony but then Bob didn't even know what they were talking about. Bob thought that Gary had said a word wrong.
Steve said that Joe Buck's show is coming back tonight and there are people who are thinking that Artie may appear via tape on that show.
Steve said that Bubba the Love Sponge was also in a TV interview down in Tampa talking about what a great guy Howard is.
Steve had a story about Dan Rather who is suing CBS over what happened to him there at CBS. Howard said that Dan is going about that in the right way and he shouldn't have been fired the way he was.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He ran down the stuff they would be discussing on today's show. They ended up talking about JD's comments about Ronnie's radio show and how JD choked by not pulling the trigger on canceling Ronnie's radio show. Howard did his impression of JD and goofed on him about the way he hesitated on canceling Ronnie's show.
JD came in and told Howard to cancel it. Howard told JD it's up to him. He asked JD if he wanted to give him a shot doing his show once in a while or should they take it away permanently. JD told Howard to just cancel it. He said if there's an outcry for the show then they can bring it back. Howard said there won't be any outcry.
Howard said he told JD he had the power. Howard asked him if he wanted to cancel it or not. Ronnie came in and JD told Ronnie that his show was canceled. Howard said that JD just canceled Ronnie's show. JD was laughing during the whole thing. Ronnie said that it meant a lot to him to have that show. JD stammered and asked if he could cancel it and bring it back if there's an outcry. Howard said there won't be any outcry.
JD told Howard to go ahead and cancel it. Howard said it's done then. Howard told Ronnie that the show is canceled. Ronnie said ''Whatever... '' Howard asked Ronnie if he had anything to say to JD. Ronnie said that he gave him the power to do it so that's fine. He said he goes by what Howard says and Howard gave JD the power so he's just going to walk away. He said he'll never speak to JD again though.
Ronnie said that JD is a little jealous asshole because he doesn't have his own show. JD said that he doesn't have anything to do a show about.
Ronnie said it's fine if JD wants to be an asshole. He said he'll take it and walk away. Ronnie said that JD doesn't do anything back there in his office but watch TV and throw people under the bus in the office. He said he's an asshole walking around the halls there instead of doing his job.
Howard said that he gave JD the power and this is his decision. Ronnie said that JD is a piece of shit, that's all he has to say. Howard asked JD if there were any other shows he wanted to cancel. JD said there were none right now. He said he likes everyone else. Howard said that Mumblini has spoken.
Howard said that was a stunning show of leadership. He said that JD showed some balls there. JD said he can't wait for today's Wrap Up Show. JD was going to try and explain something but he just gave up halfway through his sentence.
Ronnie came back in and asked JD if he was just saying that his world was crumbling. JD said that he said it's NOT like his world is crumbling. Ronnie didn't care and ended up throwing his headphones down and walked out. Howard asked if JD is welcome at Rick's tonight. Ronnie said that it's not good enough for him.
Ronnie said that one of his buddies won't let JD into the club with sneakers on. He said that Rick's will let him in but the other place won't.
Ronnie said that JD had the power and took it out on him. He said he doesn't care about that. JD said it's obvious he does. Ronnie repeated ''I don't care!'' over and over.
Howard said having the power isn't always easy. JD said he didn't ask for the power, it was just bestowed on him. Howard asked JD if he's okay with Miserable Men. JD said that's fine. Howard said he's going to give JD the power again sometime in the future to cancel a show.
Howard said that was quite a moment there. He took a call from a guy who said that it was the best radio ever. He said JD standing up to Ronnie is a step in the right direction. It's like a Revenge of the Nerds kind of thing.
Jon Hein got back to his Wrap Up Show preview and ran down some more subjects for today's show. Howard thanked him for that and said that he should have a big show with JD today.
King of all Blacks called in and said that he likes Ronnie's show but he's prefer that Ronnie not be on the show. Howard said he won't have to worry about it now because the show has been canceled. King said he had a question for him and asked what they did to the 2010 S550 compared to the 2009. He just wanted to see if he knew anything about that. Howard thanked King and let him go. He said that Ronnie wasn't coming in to talk about that.
Scott said that Ronnie is carrying on out there and JD is making Ronnie's head spin so it's very funny. Howard asked Scott if he wants a bowling show. Scott said ''Yeah, why not?''
Howard asked Scott if that was the right decision to cancel the show. Scott said he would have tried one more show and given Ronnie one more shot. Howard asked Scott if he would do a show about being bald. Scott said he didn't think he would.
Artie said he could talk about what it was like to go bowling on 9/11. Scott said he wasn't able to go, he tried though.
Robin started her news talking about David Carradine and how a show is going to feature him talking about ghost stories and how he was haunted by a ghost in a closet at his house.
Robin said that she thought about Carradine during Ninja Assassin yesterday. Howard asked who the guy was in the studio who was watching her do her news. Robin said that was a friend of her's by the name of Brendan. Howard asked how he knows her. Brendan said he knows her thought Dr. Roni's partner James. Brendan said he met Howard at the old Rebok gym and they had a laugh over something. Howard asked if he's fucking Robin. Brendan swore that he wasn't. Howard said he wasn't sure about that.
Howard didn't believe Brendan and said that something is up. Brendan said that he's single. Howard said he thinks that Robin wants him. Robin said he is cute but she hasn't tried to have sex with him or anything. Howard said that he sees something there. He asked Brendan if he has ever tongued Robin's ass. Brendan said he would have led out with that if he had.
Robin got back to her news and read that Plaxico Burress is going to be back in court getting sentenced in his court case.
Robin read some news about the Jaycee Dugard kidnapping and how the guy who kidnapped her claims he never molested her children. Howard said that everyone has a line that they won't cross.
Robin read about John Edwards and the guy who is writing a book claiming that the baby that his mistress had was his. Robin said that Edwards had also planned to have Dave Matthews perform at an event after his wife died from cancer.
Robin said that Chaz Bono is about to write a book. Howard said he might read that book. He said it must be interesting if she's writing about wanting to become a man. Howard said that being a man isn't all it's cracked up to be and maybe she should stay a woman. Howard said that these women who become men usually just gain weight and grow a beard. He said that's about all they can do. Howard said that it's all about the beard. He said that Chaz is going to look like Santa Claus.
Robin said that there's a new process for getting people's eyesight back by putting a tooth in the eye socket when you lose your eye. Robin said that this is one of the ways they're working on making that happen. Howard wondered how someone thinks that up. He said that he'd think the guy was nuts if he said he could get his sight back with a tooth. Howard said with Gary's teeth he could have X-ray vision.
Robin read that there's a guy over in Wales who has taken on the Jedi code as his religion. He tried to go into a grocery store over there and they have a ''no hood'' policy and they kept him out. Howard goofed on that guy by doing his Darth Nihilus impression.
Robin read a story about a pharmacy that rejected a request for 300 methadone order and a hospital heroin pill request. Robin said that there are a couple of doctors who are going to trial next month over that.
Robin read about the death of John Travolta's son and how there were some people who were trying to blackmail him over the details of that case. Howard said he can't imagine what they would have that could embarrass the family.
Robin read a story about President Obama being on David Letterman's show last night. Howard said that's what held him up last night out on the street. Howard said he was so frustrated with that. He said he was talking really loud saying that they were just pointing out where Obama was going to be appearing.
Robin said that Obama spoke to Dave last night and Obama was joking about some stuff like the fact that he'd been a black man before the election. Robin said that they credit people for jokes that aren't even really jokes. Robin had a couple of other audio clips from the show that she had Howard play.
Robin said that Bill Clinton has weighed in on the racism thing with the President. Clinton said that he thinks that most people who would oppose him now would oppose him even if he was white.
Gary told Howard that Jon just got the numbers for Jay Leno's show and they were pretty fascinating. Jon came in with the ratings and they had dropped down to a 4.4 rating from the 11 he had for his premiere night. Jon said that he's pretty sure that CSI Miami tripled those numbers. Jon said that Letterman did a 5.6 and Conan did a 1.9 rating. Howard said that Jay is going to drag down the rest of the late night shows. He said that the news is even going to be dragged down.
Howard said that the 4.4 is still a decent rating but it's just going to keep going down. Jon said that it's a lot of advertising money. He said that Dave is doing very well and even his repeats were beating Conan last week.
Robin got back to her news and read about Bill Clinton talking about his misstep with Monica Lewinsky. She was blaming his mother's death on that whole thing.
Robin said that Borders Books had Lebron James in for a book signing and people waited in line to get their books signed. She had some audio of some people talking about waiting in line.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Jay Leno ripped him off again lst night. He said he saw Jennifer Garner on the show and Jay said that she was going to have to work for her plugs. He said that they make people do stuff to work for their plugs. Howard said that Jay would say that he just claims he invented everything and he really didn't. Howard said that it's all lame the way they do it over there anyway. Howard said that Jay turns a good bit into something really lame.
Howard said that they made Jennifer Garner wear a Yankees cap on the show. Howard said they should have made her wear a cock and balls on her face. Howard said his show is lame.
Robin said that today is leave your car at home day. Howard said he would never do that. Artie didn't sound like he was into it either. Howard said that he'll be long gone before his carbon footprint effects the world. He said he's trying to enlarge his footprint so people remember him. Howard said he'd like to be reported in the news about how he left the biggest carbon footprint in history.
Robin said that Facebook was down yesterday. Artie said that only gay guys were missing anything. Howard said that Mike Gange was missing it too.
Robin read about John Gotti Jr. being back in court. She said that this is his fourth trial. Robin said that half the jury tried to get out of sitting on that case.
Ralph called in and said that Leno is taking notes from the show and they were making Jennifer Garner feel uncomfortable. He said that they're adjusting the show according to what Howard tells them. Howard said they still suck and they're not being edgy. Howard said his show should be canceled soon anyway.
Robin said that Ozzy Osbourne is writing an autobiography. She played a little bit of ''Crazy Train'' to remind people who Ozzy is.
Robin read that Clarence Clemmens is taking some time off from the E Street Band while he works through some health problems.
Robin said that representatives for David Hasselhoff are saying that it wasn't an alcohol relapse that sent him to the hospital. They're saying that it was drugs for his inner ear infection that were affecting him. He had some equilibrium problems because of that. They ended the show a short time later, right around 10:30am.
JD said he was sorry about that but if there is a big outcry then it'll be brought back. JD said that if it's like Family Guy then they'll bring it back.
Ronnie came in and said that JD is a big pussy. He said he knows nothing about cars and he has no right telling him the show was boring. Ronnie walked out because he had to walk Howard out of there.
JD said that if Howard thought the show was that important then he wouldn't have given him the power to cancel it.
Gary said he thinks that Ronnie probably thinks it should be a group of people that vote to cancel his shows. Jim McClure said that they get a few hundred calls during a show like that. He said that there is some interest in the show. He said that they have done some shows where he has to call and make sure the phone lines are working. He didn't want to say which shows those were though.
Gary and Jon asked JD what he finds more frustrating, Eric the Midget's show or Ronnie's show. JD said it would probably be Ronnie's show. He said that Eric's show was funny because of the technical difficulties they had. He said that Ronnie is talking about cars and boring stuff about buying and selling cars.
Gary said that he has a lot of friends who are into cars and stuff and they might be into the show. He said that there are people who are into that stuff.
Jon asked JD about talking to Scott about the Ronnie car show. JD said he asked Scott to listen to it and Scott said he was bored by it too. He said Scott had trouble listening to it just like he did. JD said he's pretty sure that Scott agrees with him on the whole thing.
Jon asked JD why he didn't cancel the show the first time Howard asked him about it. JD said he's not sure. He wasn't sure how to explain it to them. JD said he felt he had more power the second time so he took the opportunity and canceled it. He said he really just wanted to see Ronnie's reaction.
Jon played a clip of the segment where Howard asked JD if he wanted to cancel it and JD took that shot. After the clip Jon asked JD if he was intimidated by Ronnie. JD said he felt bad because he really does like Ronnie. He said Ronnie has this job and his Rick's job, whatever that is, but it's not like his life is crumbling with this show being canceled.
JD said he didn't know that Ronnie was that into the show. He thought he was doing it as a lark. JD said he sees that he does care now that he's said ''I don't care.''
Jim said that they were planning another show around Thanksgiving. Gary said he thinks it will air. Jon said he doesn't. JD didn't care.
Benjy said that JD was speaking very clearly when he had that power on the air today. JD said he really doesn't care if the show is on or not. He just wanted that reaction from him on the air.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that JD stands for ''Jackass Douche.'' He said that Ronnie's show is great and the only reason JD did that is because he wanted that reaction. The caller said that he's really into cars and stuff and he's a ''real guy'' so it's not cool that he canceled the show. The caller asked JD what he's going to do with his life when the show is over. JD didn't get to answer, the caller told him that he's not going to do anything and he's got to pull his head out of his ass.
JD asked the guy what he could have pulled that would have been interesting on the show today. The caller said he could have pulled half the stuff on the show. JD said the reason he didn't pull clips wasn't because he was trying to squash the show. He said he thought there were better things to pull than that. JD said if they talked about cars more on Howard's show he would have listened more closely to that show.
JD said that he doesn't pull clips from Chuck Zito's show because he talks about MMA and stuff a lot and they don't do that on Howard's show. JD said he wouldn't cancel Chuck's show either because he talks about chicks sometimes and he would get beaten to a bloody pulp if he did cancel it.
Another caller said that it was great when Howard had JD as ''JD Moonves'' and coaxed him into canceling that show.
Gary said that Howard had Rob Cross fire Stuttering John on the show back at K-Rock. Rob fired him right on the air one day when John asked him to tell him on the air if he was going to fire him.
Jon asked if JD thinks that Ronnie is going to give Scott a pass because he's blaming it all on JD. JD said that he will get a pass and this was all about busting Ronnie's balls on the air. The guys asked JD if he was really against the show for the channels or if he was really just doing it to bust his balls. JD said that this day isn't going the way he thought it would go. He didn't seem to want to talk about it anymore.
A caller asked ''Mumblina'' what credentials he had to cancel that show the way he did. The caller said he doesn't have the right to do something that effects his livelihood. JD said he's not. The caller said that he could spin off into another show from that show and JD doesn't know if that's going to happen. JD said that Ronnie isn't Riley and he doesn't need that show like Riley ''needed'' his.
Ronnie came back and said that he is upset abut he's not going to stand there and cry like some people would. Ronnie said ''what comes around goes around'' and JD is going to get bit in the ass eventually.
Jon said that it sounds like he really is upset. Ronnie said he just said he was but he's not going to argue with Howard about it on the air.
Jon asked JD if this changes the way he feels. Ronnie cut him off and said that JD isn't a man and all he knows how to do is laugh. Ronnie said that JD could have said that he should give him another chance. Jon asked JD if he regrets taking it off the air now. JD said he did feel bad about it but Ronnie cut him off again.
JD said that he feels bad now but what's done is done. He said that there's always the future. He said that things can happen and it's not like he's never going to have a show again. Gary asked him how he knows that. JD said he was given a power as if he was running the channel and he made that decision. JD said he wouldn't have had a car show on the air if he was running it.
JD said he just didn't like the show. Ronnie said that no one asked him to. He said no one asked him to listen to it either.
Ronnie said that JD is costing the company money because they had sponsors. Benjy said maybe that means they'll have him back on if they had sponsors. Jon said it sounded like a canceled show to him.
Ronnie said that JD has no talent so he doesn't respect that decision. Benjy said that JD is also a listener. Ronnie said he runs two fuckin businesses and JD hasn't done anything except cancel his god damn show.
Jon said that Ronnie doesn't think this was a bit for the air. Ronnie said that JD just laughs at everything and he doesn't have a serious thought in his body. He said there is nothing serious in his head and if there was he'd be in a relationship with a girl.
Jon asked Ronnie why he's not upset with Scott. Ronnie said that he's just going along with everyone else and that means nothing.
JD said he's been offered a show there but he's not a performer and he doesn't have anything to do as a show. He said he doesn't have anything interesting enough to talk about. Benjy told him they need a car show there.
Ralph called in and said that this is the classic displaced anger toward Howard. Ralph said that JD said that the show wasn't a good show for the air and Howard went along with it. Howard was the one who gave JD the power to cancel the show so Ronnie should be upset with Howard. Ronnie said that's fine then he's mad at Howard.
Jon said that Ronnie is incensed with JD today and it's more than just this show cancellation thing. Ronnie said that Ralph would be upset today if he had a show canceled like this.
Ronnie said that JD is supposed to pull clips from shows and he didn't do that with his show. Jon said that he's not supposed to pull clips from every show. Ronnie said if the show was that bad he should have pulled some clips. Ralph said that JD is paid to sit there and go through media to find stuff for Howard to play on the show. He's trying to find interesting stuff to play.
Benjy asked Ronnie if he's going to fight to get his show back on. Ronnie said he's not. Jon asked if he's going to take it back if Howard offers it to him. Ronnie said the show is done because of JD so he's just going to live with it.
Benjy asked if Tim Sabean flipped out about the show being canceled. Jim said that Tim doesn't know yet because he's in a meeting all day. He doesn't think he'll have a problem with it.
A caller said that he liked the show with Ronnie and he's not sure why they were canceling it. He said that JD doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about.
Jon said that you can't please everyone with every show. He said that JD didn't like the show and he made that call to cancel it.
Another caller said that Ronnie is rude to everyone when they call into his show. Ronnie said that's the way he answers the phone. JD said that's his catch phrase. The caller said that Ronnie is just a car enthusiast and they need some real car guys on that show.
Jon took another call from a guy who was going off on Ronnie about his show. Ronnie said that he had some stuff lined up for the next show and he thought it was going to be good.
Steve Langford came in and said that this conversation between Ronnie and JD is great. He said that Ronnie is fascinating and he could listen to Ronnie reading the phone book on the air. He's a big fan of Ronnie's. Jon asked if he listened to that show last night. Steve said he was watching Wonder Pets last night so he wasn't able to listen. He said he would listen if Ronnie read the phone book on the air though.
Steve said he thinks that JD was just messing around. He said that Ronnie is a gift to radio and he should have that show.
Steve said that there was some thought of making Ronnie the voice of Howard 100 and 101. Jon asked Ronnie if he would do that. Ronnie said he would. JD said that George Takei is a better man for the job. He said that Ronnie is very angry and that's not good. Steve said he thinks that it is good and that's why he likes Ronnie.
Ronnie said that JD is angry too and he just shows it in different ways. He said that JD hates women because they hate him. JD said that not all women hate him.
Ronnie said that there was a certain person that worked there who loved JD and he treated her like total shit. He said he could have been nice to her but he wasn't. Ronnie said that person asked him why JD was treating her like he was.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Ronnie remembers everything. He said that he doesn't seem to remember that he used to sit and wait in a car. Ronnie said that's right but look where he's brought himself to. Ronnie said that he's not the hack there, this caller is. That caller said he loves Ronnie on the channels and he agrees with Steve that she should be the voice of the channels.
Jon asked JD what compelled him to go back into the studio the second time. JD said that he had more power the second time so that's why he went back in.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that JD is the man and ''fuck captain car show'' Ronnie. Ronnie had to get going around that time so he ran out of there. He got in a plug for his upcoming appearance at Tootsie's in Miami.
JD said he doesn't know what Ronnie's deal is. He said today is one of those days he really doesn't care either.
Another caller said that Benjy made a point earlier when he said that JD is basically confessing that he did this just to be an asshole. JD said that Ronnie's car show isn't that important of a decision. The caller said he thinks that JD is just a bad person. They had to go to break a short time later.
Gary said that JD doesn't do much when people tell him that they love him. He said that Sal is the complete polar opposite. He said that when they have someone come in for the tour those guys will show people anything. JD will just mumble something.
Jon asked Gary about the Bob Levy call today. Gary said that Bob was lying about some of that. He said that Bob was talking about calling an end to the show without bringing up that firing thing. Gary said that Bob went after him today and he fired back.
Gary said he emailed Bob today and told him what he was thinking and he wondered why bob would want to leave the show he has for four hours a week.
Gary said that he emailed Bob after the show and he hasn't heard back from him yet. He said that he wanted to call an end to the feud.
Jon took a call from Ass Napkin Ed who said that Gary seems to be having a meltdown this week getting into fights with everyone. He pointed out that he had fights with Hanzi and High Register Sean. Gary said he had no problem with Sean. Gary said maybe he thinks he's got a problem with him because he hasn't answered his voice mails or something.
Gary said he has no problem with Ed, Sean, Hanzi or Bob. Gary said that he just called Bob out on the air about some bullshit and that's it. Ed said he thinks that Gary is in deep debt and that's why he's acting like this.
Ed said that it's his theory that Gary has money problems and that's why he's acting the way he is. Shuli was in and said that shitting in a bucket is the way you react when you have money problems.
Ed said that there's some kind of melt down that Gary had. Gary said that Hanzi was mad at him for not getting back to him in some emails. He said he's read some of them and they're not the kind of emails that should even get a response.
Benjy said that he's getting the feeling that Gary is a bit edgy in his life too. He asked if he needed to borrow some money. Gary said no to that.
Shuli told Gary he was a little rough on Bob about being a dad. Gary said that Bob had come after him so that's why he did that.
Benjy said that Gary really does seem to be on edge and asked if he's on edge because of Howard's contract coming to an end. Gary said he's not on edge, he's fine.
Ed asked Gary if Howard is mad at him too. Gary said that he's not. Gary said Howard hasn't been picking up his phone calls but Howard isn't mad at him for the t-shirt thing or anything. Ed said he's called in with some stuff and Howard won't pick up on him. He said he wanted to talk to him about his Blackberry one day. Gary asked what his point was that day. Ed said they were selling them for a penny on Amazon.
Ed said that they're also releasing a movie about him on CrudeBay.com. Gary said that Howard isn't interested in a movie about him that's not authorized. Ed said Howard should be interested, it's about him.
Gary talked about how he and High Pitch Eric are done. He said he and Jon ran into him in the parking garage one day and Gary was a real dick toward Eric.
Gary said that going out to dinner with Howard is like going out with a friend but Benjy asked why he didn't just say he wanted to order what he wanted. Gary said he is kind of passive in that situation.
Jon asked about Artie paying for dinner and how Ralph didn't even go for his pocket. Gary said that's not really fair to say. He said that Ralph didn't do anything wrong last night.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Ronnie has a short man complex an maybe that's what his problem is. He said that he met him up there one day when he was there for a tour and he was a dick to him too.
Jon asked JD if he thinks Ronnie has a Napoleon complex. JD said no to that. Gary didn't think that was the problem either.
Another caller asked Gary how many times he's going to say that people are passive aggressive. Gary said that many people are. The caller asked if he is too. Gary said he might be.
The caller said he has noticed something going on with Gary lately too. He said that he seems off the handle lately. He said that he's concerned about him. Gary thanked him for that.
Jon said maybe it had to do with Gary taking Lisa to his podiatrist appointment yesterday. Gary said he felt bad and wanted to help the news department out with that story. He said that Lisa was fine there. He said that she asked a bunch of questions there and it turned to her. Gary said they should play all of her tape because she was talking about herself quite a bit.
Gary said he likes hanging out with Steve Langford. He said he had a nice drive with him one time and he seems like a good guy. He said he's really not creepy like some people say he is.
Another caller asked Gary why he would want to go out to dinner with Howard. He asked if he's really fun to hang out with. Gary said he can be fun and it was fun last night. He said that there's always the possibility that something will go wrong and it will come up on the air though.
Gary said that he had a great time with Howard and Artie last night. He said that it was like having the old Artie around and it was good to sit down with him and have that dinner.
Jon asked Gary about the guy who sat in on the news today. Gary said that he heard the guy was going to be in and he warned Howard about it. He said that he had a feeling that the TV guys were going to want to put him on because Howard was going to talk to him. Gary said that he saw her showing him around a little while ago and it didn't look like two lovers walking around.
Shuli said that he got real attitude from Robin today. Shuli said he's just trying to do his job there and Robin was giving him major attitude.
Benjy said he thought the guy might be a guy she was sleeping with but the way he was answering the questions seemed honest. He doesn't think that she's banging the guy.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Gary has been talking about his diet and maybe that's why he's acting the way he is. The guy asked if that's why he's in debt all of a sudden. Gary said he's not in debt at all. He said he's just cutting down on a lot of stuff he's eating lately. Jon asked JD if he's noticed anything with Gary lately. JD said he's been fine.
another caller said he's sorry to hear about Gary's debt problems too. They were picking on him the same way they do with Benjy's nonexistent herpes.
The caller asked JD to get rid of Superfan Roundtable too. He said the show is unlistenable. He said that Mutt is the worst host in the world and no one can get a word in with him talking the whole time.
Another caller said that Ronnie is one of the people on the show who is ''real'' and that's the real Ronnie they're dealing with. He said that Robin claims that she's playing a character but he thinks that Ronnie is really that kind of guy on and off the air.
The caller said he thinks that Ronnie and Sal are some of the most honest guys on the show and Artie is the fakest on the show. He also said that Bob Levy isn't funny and he's low rent on the show. Gary asked what he meant by that. Gary said he thinks that Bob is a funny comedian so he anted to know what he meant by that. The caller said he means that Bob is just trashy. Shuli asked if he's ever seen him do stand-up. The caller said he hasn't.
Shuli said that Bob is a pro on stage and he destroys every time he goes up there. He said he's not just saying that either. Gary said he really can take control of the room but he can see why people would think they way they do about him just hearing him on the air.
Gary asked Shuli to rate Bob on a scale of 1 to 10 based on being a Wack Packer or a Regular on the show. Shuli said that they don't get the kind of calls from Bob that he does. Shuli said that he would say he's a 6 or a 7 on that scale close to being a Wack Packer.
Another caller said that Ass Napkin Ed sounds like he's desperate. He asked if they just burn out or fade away on their own. Gary said that it's a little bit of both. He said that they're not sure what happened to some people like 'Gina Girl or people like that. He said that sometimes they burn out on people and sometimes people burn out on their own.
Gary said that they don't talk to Crazy Alice much anymore. Benjy said that Mariann called in about that today and she was saying that Alice can't call in.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Gary is irritable because he's on a protein diet. The guy said he's on that and he knows what it's like. Gary said he's not on a protein diet.
Jon asked if Howard agreed with Whitney about the Facebook thing because he really agreed with her or because that described Gange to a tee. Gary said that it may have been because it described Gange so well.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he loves the Miserable Men show but no one ever breaks Howard's balls on that show or his own show. Gary said that they got one the other day and it just wasn't all that great. Gary said that if they're funny he'll play it. The caller said he was thinking more about the guys on the show breaking Howard's balls and why they don't do that. Gary said that Robin has done that about Beth lately.
Another caller told JD that Ronnie's show wasn't that bad and he thinks that they don't need to have shows that are like Howard's on there. They have spin-off shows and that's what Ronnie was doing. The caller said that the show was good and Ronnie is going to be a success with or without the show. He said he thinks that JD jumped the gun on canceling the show. Jon asked JD if he regrets the decision he made. JD said no because he brought something funny to the show and that's what he's supposed to do.
Howard started the show welcoming everyone to the show. Then Robin said that she's going to be taking one of Howard's friends for her own. She said she ran into Gayle King last night. She said they happen to live in the same building. She ran into her and talked to her for a short time. Robin said Gayle loves Beth. Howard said that it's hard not to love her.
Robin said that she's going to be Gayle's new best friend. She said they talked about her weight loss and they're going to the same juice bar. Howard said that Robin is welcome to her. Howard said she's actually a very nice person. He said he really has no beef with Oprah either.
Howard said he is the one who should be the most beloved, not Oprah. Howard said he wants to be the one talking to all of those people she talks to. Howard said it took him 25 years to get an honorary degree from Boston University and that's just too long.
Howard said the school doesn't love him and they only give him this degree because of the money he sends to them. He said they do want to honor him but he's not even sure where the letter is that he got from them. Howard said he's in this temporary apartment for a while and he can't find anything. Howard said he's very irritable right now because he was up at 2 in the morning again.
Robin said she ran into Gayle last night at about 11. She said she was out to dinner and it went on for a long time.
Howard said he went to dinner on Monday night. He said he was invited out again last night and Steve Martin asked him out. He said that he was going to be starting at 7 but that's too late for him.
Howard asked Robin what time she got up. She got up at 4. Robin said she may take a nap this afternoon but she didn't take one yesterday. She has another late night tonight. She's working out in the afternoons too.
Robin said that Gina Gershon was hanging out last night and she asked her what time she goes to bed. Robin said that they talked about that and Ralph told her that she's one of those people that doesn't need a lot of sleep.
Howard said he's busier now because he doesn't have a wife around. Howard said he's doing stuff without her there and he had to change something in the apartment without her being there. Howard said Beth wasn't around so he told the guys to go ahead and do what they had to do. Howard said Beth had to text him and he hates texting. Howard said he wants people to call him.
Howard said he's having whole conversations via text and it's not something he wants to do. Robin said that a lot of guys text each other. Howard said that's because they don't like girls. Howard said he does text people once in a while but not every day. He said his thumbs are too big to be texting. He said it takes him 10 minutes to type two sentences.
Howard said the faster you are at typing on those things the bigger the douche bag you are. Robin said she can text pretty fast. Howard said she's a girl so of course she can. Howard said he was thinking about that guy Robin had in the studio and he thinks that she's having sex with him. Howard said he's not an idiot.
Robin said that guy wanted to invite Howard to his art show. Howard asked what he does. Robin said he paints. Howard said he paints too and he does body painting. Howard said he paints women's breasts green.
Howard said he hasn't seen any losers in their relationships yet. Howard said he just wants to see his daughters happy. He said he hopes they don't have kids either because he doesn't want to be called Grandpa. Howard said his agent has grand kids but the kids call him ''DB.'' Howard said that way he doesn't have to hear that horrible word.
Robin said they must use the word at some point. Howard said no one uses that word around Don at all. Howard said they might as well call him ''Ancient Man'' if they're going to call him grandpa. Howard said he knows guys who are called ''Pop Pop'' and he hates that even more. Howard said that's the worst.
Howard said he was called names when he was young and he doesn't want any titles. He said if he has to have one he wants to be called Doctor Stern. He said his niece calls him Uncle How and he's fine with that.
Eric asked Howard if he's considered giving Beth a baby. Howard said he'd end up getting stuck with the kid if she went away and he doesn't want that. Howard said he doesn't want any baby. Beth has him to take care of and that's enough of a baby.
Eric asked Howard if he would go out to colleges and lecture students. Howard said he has been offered money to do that and he could make hundreds of thousands of dollars doing that. Howard said he won't do that though. He said it's despicable to do stuff like that.
Howard asked Robin why she's so busy on these diets. Robin said she's investigating other ways of losing weight. She said she heard about this woman who went to this other guy and she's just checking it out. She said it's acupuncture and some other stuff that she wanted to try out. She had some beads behind her ears that she has to rub. Howard wanted to see those things. Howard said they get a hold of this woman and suck her right in.
Robin showed her beads that were under a Band-Aid. Howard said he loses weight by working out and eating right. Robin said she's just checking this stuff out to see how it works. Robin said people say it works for them. Howard told Robin that he could help her lose weight to and said ''Boogah, boogah, boogah!''
Robin said she may write a book about weight loss and she's just investigating this stuff. Howard said if Robin had to do the things they tell her to do with the beads, she wouldn't have time to eat.
Howard said he figured out how Robin is losing weight. He said she's running from weight loss center to weight loss center. Howard said she has beads stuck to the back of her head. Robin said they're not in her head. They're just behind the Band-Aid. The caller said they're glued on. Robin said they're not inside her skin though.
Howard asked Robin if she would laugh if he said he had a chant he could say that would help her lose weight. He said she could lose 15 pounds if he did this. Robin said that she'd have to see a line of people waiting to do it.
Robin said she's just investigating this and she heard from a woman who said that the weight was dropping off her so fast that she had to check this out.
Howard said that the way to lose weight is to just eat right and exercise. He said that there's also the Auschwitz diet. He said that those Jews in the camps lost a lot of weight by not eating. Howard said as long as Robin is happy then it's a good thing. Robin said she's really not doing it for herself. She's doing it out of interest.
Howard said if he goes to a lot of hookers then he could say he's writing a book about it and get away with it. Robin said that would be correct and it wouldn't be teaching.
Howard said Scott the Engineer lost 50 pounds and he did that by eating right and working out. Robin said that no one is lining up to follow that diet program. Robin goofed on Scott when he came into the studio saying he'd never look good.
Scott said he just eats right and works out a little bit. He said he didn't have any beads behind his ear. Robin sarcastically said that Scott ''looks great!''
Howard took a call from a guy who said he saw Robin at a Taco Bell in Jersey eating that crap. Robin laughed and said she's never been to a Taco Bell so that wasn't true.
The caller was also saying that maybe Robin is acting out because Beth is away. Howard said that made sense too. He said that Robin actually loves him. Robin said she does love Howard.
Howard said that John isn't around to deny the claim. Robin said that the worst thing she ever said about him in the past was that her father turned her on to drugs. Howard said now she's claiming that she had consensual sex with her.
Gary read some of the details of that and said that she talks about how John talked to her about leaving the country to go to Fiji where no one would look down on them for having that kind of relationship.
Howard said that John seemed like a peace and love kind of guy when they had him on the show. Howard said that this is top level perversion if it's true.
Artie said he read that she had sex with Mick Jagger too. He heard that Papa John wanted to stop that from happening. Howard heard that Oprah is getting her as a guest before anyone else. Howard said that pisses him off. Howard said that she couldn't get Oprah's attention before and she had to come on his show. Howard said they come on his show when they can't get any attention anywhere else.
Howard asked Johnny if he ever wants his life back. Johnny said he does but he'll be 140 by that time. Johnny opened the door to the kid's room and the kid was screaming. Johnny said that's his fuckin' life.
Johnny said he had an answer to Robin's question. He said that if she wants to lose weight, move to L.A. because there's nothing to eat.
Johnny said that there's this going away sperm that will hit Beth and she'll get pregnant. He said if it feels too good having sex then it's going to happen. Howard thanked him for that and let him go.
Howard took a call from a guy who had some more Mackenzie Phillips information. He said he read that she was kept on drugs so she would sleep with her father. Howard said he hates to read stuff like that.
Howard said he may write a book about that when his father dies. He said he'll write about his father fucking him in the ass as a kid. Howard said he's not sure how a person can write something like that if it's not true. He said maybe it is true but if it's not then it takes a pretty despicable person to write something like that. Howard said maybe he could get on Oprah's show if he wrote a book like that.
Howard said that Ronnie was livid all day long yesterday. He told Ronnie that he wasn't the one who fired him since Ralph was the one telling him that he should be mad at him. Howard said he told Ronnie that JD is like Les Moonves and he just came in and cleaned house.
Ronnie came in and said that he thought about this last night. He said Howard gave JD the power and he's never had power in his life. He said JD didn't feel that the show fit into the Howard Stern channels. Ronnie said JD thinks that everything is supposed to be funny and that's not what this show was about. He said people enjoyed the show and they did get calls. He said JD didn't do any research to find out if it was successful or not. He said JD was being a total asshole about the whole thing.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he called Ronnie's show on Monday night and even he thought it was boring. He said he was trying to get something going on the show but he got hung up on.
Howard said Gary saw Ronnie doing his show and he's never seen him happier. Robin gave him an ''Awww'' when she heard that.
Howard played some more of the Wrap Up Show where Ronnie was going off on JD about canceling his show. Ronnie said he wasn't going to cry like a baby but JD would get his in the end.
Howard said that JD got that power and used it yesterday. Howard said he talked to JD about it and JD felt he was doing it for the best of the channels. Ronnie said that he didn't even hear the whole show. That's because JD thought it was the ''most boringest'' show he had heard.
Howard played some more of Ronnie going off on JD on the Wrap Up Show. Ronnie got really upset with JD on that show.
After the clip Ronnie asked why JD wasn't in there now. JD came in about 10 seconds later. JD said that Ronnie made his point for him. He said that he was thinking that they need humor in every show they do there. Ronnie said it's not supposed to be a funny show. Ronnie said that Riley's show isn't a comedy show. JD said that it is a comedy show in a way. People laugh when they listen.
Ronnie went off on JD again asking him if he did any research into the shows to find out how many people were listening. JD said he didn't.
Howard said that they've been fired before too so he knows it doesn't feel good. Howard said that Ronnie was allowed to stay in the building at least. Ronnie said he won't speak a fuckin' word to JD anymore. He said he won't acknowledge him at all now. He told him to just stay away from him from now on. JD said he doesn't go near him now. Ronnie said that he does come around him but he had better not do it anymore.
Ronnie was telling JD that he had better stay away from him because if he falls in the hallway, he'll just step on his head and walk over him.
Howard said he's proud of JD for using this power and he's going to give it to him in the future too. Howard said he doesn't like that Ronnie lost his show and thought about giving it back to him but he's going to stick with his decision.
Ronnie said that he's just going to stay away from JD. JD said he thinks this is hilarious. Ronnie said he didn't even check into the show to see how many calls they got. JD didn't seem to care about all of that.
Robin asked JD if this was an arbitrary decision. JD said he was asked what to do and he made a quick decision. Howard said he's going to do the same with JD when Jackie's contract is up. Howard asked where Tim was because he wants to know why they signed Jackie to a contract instead of just asking him to come in every week to do a show.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that they only talk about American cars on that show. Ronnie said they talked about Toyota, Honda and Nissan so those are foreign cars. The caller said that he knows car nuts but the last thing they tune into Howard for is car information. Ronnie said that this show was about cars so people could tune in for it.
Howard said maybe Ronnie needs JD on the show. Ronnie said he has no need for JD at all anymore. He said that they used to joke around and be friendly but now that's done. He said that JD is an idiot and an asshole. He said that JD canceled the show without checking into anything and that's why he's a piece of shit.
Tim Sabean came in so Howard asked him about firing people. Tim said that most of the firings, the people knew it was coming. He said that Ronnie was getting a good amount of calls to the show. He said that he was happy with the show.
Ronnie asked if Chuck Zito's show is a comedy show. JD said that it can be. Ronnie didn't seem to think it was. JD said that they do kind of have comedy elements to the show. Ronnie asked if the woman calling in about what kind of car to get fucked in was comedy. JD didn't hear that part of the show. Ronnie told JD he was a stupid mother fucker.
Howard told Tim that JD is going to get to rule on Jackie's show too. Tim said that Jackie has another year on his contract. Howard told Tim that JD will make that call on Jackie's show next. Howard told JD that he might want to do some research on that one before firing Jackie. JD said he has learned from this so he will do that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Ronnie shouldn't be allowed near a microphone. He said that JD should be given that time slot too. JD said he has nothing to say and doesn't know what he would do a show about.
Wheels called in and said that everything JD does is golden so he should do a show. JD said he did the Intern Show one time and that scared the shit out of him. He said he's not sure what he would do for a show if he had to do one.
Wheels asked Howard if he watched Dancing with the Stars last night. Howard said he didn't watch the whole thing. Wheels said that Sharon Osbourne is huge. Howard said she was just in there not too long ago and she wasn't fat. Wheels said she's huge now.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that he likes Ronnie and it was too bad he was fired. Then he said he was just kidding and JD did the right thing.
Yucko the Clown called in and said that he wrote to Ronnie yesterday and didn't hear back from him. He was goofing on him in the note he sent to him so no one was surprised that Ronnie didn't get back to him.
Howard said these guys who beat women are very childish. He said that they're basically saying that they can't be a man and they're so crippled inside they can't function on their own.
Howard said these guys can't share their ''mommy'' with anyone else in their life and that's what the beating is all about. Howard said that these guys are being very childish because they want these women to concentrate on them 24 hours a day.
Howard said that these guys are like babies crying and screaming. They're doing the same thing by beating these women.
King asked Howard if he feels jealous when Beth goes out somewhere. Howard said he does but he understands what it is. He said everyone is like that and those that understand it don't act childish. Howard said that's real love to feel that way but you can evolve and not act like an infant.
King told Howard that he had some surgery and he wasn't able to go into work today. Howard said he thinks that he could go to work. King asked if he thinks he's lazy. Howard said he wasn't going to answer that.
Howard let King go a short time later. Howard said he knows that it wasn't funny so he asked JD not to fire him over that. Howard said that was a pretty deep conversation.
Howard said that this beating thing is a childish thing. He said that there are whole societies that act childish like that. He said they are angry men who have mommy issues. Howard said they take it out on the women they're with and they're afraid to hate their own mothers.
Howard said that it's unmanly to hate your mother so these guys would rather beat themselves up. Howard said that if you went over this Osama bin Laden's life you'd probably find that he has mother issues and he really wanted to blow his mother up in the World Trade Center bombings. Howard said that these guys are man-childs and they're just tantruming.
Howard said that this stuff is all pretty simple but very complicated at the same time. Howard said you have to go JD/Ronnie deep to figure it all out. He said that some guys have anger so far off the charts that they end up killing people. Howard said that this guy who killed the woman and stuffed her into a wall was one of those angry guys. Howard said the sad part is that the guys who need the most help can't afford it. They had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and said that the big joke on the internet yesterday was that Ted Kennedy was 3 weeks sober and that Patrick Swayze was one week cigarette free.
Howard took a call from Arnold Schwarzenegger (Fake Arnold). He was on to promote a new CD that was out. Arnold talked about losing Ted Kennedy and how he felt it was best since he was such a mess at family parties and stuff. Howard said that's very honest of Arnold to say that.
Howard asked Arnold what he's going to do when he's no longer governor out there in California. Arnold said there are problems with people being pussies in this country. He said no one knows how to do their god damn jobs. He said it's total bullshit and he loves Howard because he's not a pussy. He said that the people in that state just don't do their jobs.
Howard said he heard that Arnold is doing a new movie. Arnold said that's right and it should be out soon. He said it should be fantastic. Howard asked Arnold if that's why he's on this new record. Arnold said that the politics thing isn't working out so that's why he's doing this death metal album.
Howard said the name of the band is Austrian Death Machine, from the album Double Brutal, and Arnold does some singing and voice work on the album.
Howard played a couple of tracks off the album and Arnold is reciting some of his lines from the various movies he's been in. He has lines from the Terminator movies, Predator and more.
Howard played one track where Arnold was doing a lot of talking. He cut that one off and told everyone to check out Arnold at FakeArnold.com. He let him go a short time later.
Howard said he heard that David and Courtney have a party on Sunday nights and they have all kinds of famous people out there. Howard said he apparently has an open invitation to the party. Howard said he heard from one of his friends out there that said that Jennifer Aniston is going to be there this Sunday. Howard said he's not sure that Jennifer likes him so he might not want to be there.
David said that Howard isn't always the nicest person. Howard said he saw Jennifer at a concert recently and her ass was talking to him. He said that she's got an ass that doesn't quit and it was chanting to him.
David told Howard he has to come out there with Beth and maybe something will happen there. Howard said that if he had met Jennifer when he was single, he thinks he could have gotten her. David said he thinks he dos have that animal magnetism that it would take.
Howard said that David is calling in to promote this new TV show ''Cougar Town'' that his wife is in. He said he was thinking about this and David is calling from home and Courtney is laying right there and she won't pick up. David said that she is laying right there but there is an anticipation for her to be coming on the show soon. Howard said he really digs Courtney so he'll behave.
David told Howard he can't make any cock jokes. Howard said he had to be kidding about that. Howard said that Courtney should be in there with a mini-dress on. David said that she will be in there eventually. David told Howard that the show has some fun stuff in it and it should be up his alley.
Howard asked David how he handles the time away from Courtney. David said that it can be rough but they have been away from each other for like a month or two. Howard told him that he sent a picture of his cock to Beth the other day. David said that he's never done that because it's dangerous business.
Howard asked David if he has phone sex when they're away. He said they used to but not anymore. Howard asked David how he handles his wife making out with other dudes. David said that this one isn't as bad as the last show she did. He said that she still comes home every night so it's not so bad. He said that just comes with the job and he has to deal with it.
Howard asked David where Courtney was. He said she was laying right there in bed with nothing on. Howard asked if that was true. David said she was actually wearing a t-shirt. Howard said he's seen the promos for the show and she's looking good.
Steve Brandano came in and said that they have to change the name of the show to something else. He said that this ''cougar'' thing is leading to old, ugly women coming into the bars and forcing the younger women out. He said that if Courtney Cox is coming in that's a different story. He said that none of the real cougars out there look like Courtney Cox.
Steve said that the point is that the women think that ''40 is the new 20'' is real and it's just not the case. David told him that he might be messing around with the wrong type of cougar because there are hot ones out there. Steve said that he's just encouraging this behavior. He asked him to stop it, please.
David said that he think that Steve had a bad experience with a cougar. Howard said he thinks that Steve is full of shit. He said he doesn't think that all of the old women are hitting on him. Howard said he's not sure what Steve is talking about.
Howard said David used to be friends with Brad Pitt. David said he's still friends with him and he loves the guy. Howard heard that Courtney was talking to Brad at a party and Jennifer Aniston got upset with her. David said that's not true and Jennifer is totally cool.
Howard asked David if he heard what happened with Brad when Quentin Tarantino was on the show. David didn't hear about that. Howard told him about Quentin talking about how he smoked hash with Brad and how that got Brad in trouble with Angelina Jolie.
Howard asked David if he smokes weed. David said that he actually doesn't like it that much. He smokes it once in a while. He said his thing is some hooch once in a while. ''Top shelf liquor'' is how he put it. He was referring to Steve Grillo's ''top shelf liquor'' comment during his fight with Tracey.
Howard asked David if he has any black friends. David said they have lots of black friends who come around. He said that they have friends like Chris Rock coming out to their party.
Howard said he heard that David's sister made a major play for Paul McCartney. David said he knew some things about that. He said his sister is awesome. Howard said he heard that Rosanna was running around with McCartney. Howard asked if he got to meet the guy. David said that he did get to meet him. Howard asked what went wrong there. David wasn't sure. He said he didn't know and that was a personal thing. He told Howard to have his sister on the show.
Robin said David sounded like JD in that moment when he didn't know what to say about his sister. Howard asked if he had ever seen his sister's breasts in his regular life. David said this isn't uncomfortable at all talking about his sister's breasts. He said he hadn't seen them.
Howard asked what happened with his sister and McCartney. David said he was happy to meet him. He said that he really doesn't know what went on there and Howard has to ask her about it himself.
Howard gave David some plugs for the show and found out some details about the writers and what the show is about.
Howard talked to David about his daughter and mentioned that she had head lice. Howard said he heard about that on The Tonight Show when Courtney was on there. Howard said that when Courtney comes in there she's going to sit on the Sybian. David said no to that.
Howard said his kid had lice. He said that the cleaner your hair is the more chance there is that they'll get them. David said that they don't talk about that enough, it's a silent killer. He was joking about that of course. Howard told David that black people can't get head lice. David said that Denzel told him that.
Howard asked David to bring his daughter in there and they'll make sure he turns out normal. Robin said they'll traumatize her and make her feel normal.
Howard gave David some more plugs for the TV show and for a concert he's producing. That concert is out in L.A. at the Nokia theater. David said that they have Sheryl Crow and a bunch of other stars there at the concert.
Howard asked when they're going to adopt an African child. David laughed but said he'd love to adopt a kid but he's pretty sure that they won't be having anymore.
David said that they kind of get away from the whole ''cougar'' thing after tonight's episode so Steve Brandano should be happy about that.
Howard asked how much Courtney weighs. David said that she's probably like 115 pounds or something. Howard asked if she ever gets dressed up for him. David said she's a very real person and doesn't do that kind of stuff. Robin said maybe he means that she doesn't shave. Howard asked if she does. David said that she has a little hair down there but she keeps it groomed.
Howard said it would be cool if she just came in wearing high heels and went down on him. David said that maybe Howard has to talk to her about that. He said she's not into that stuff but she is adventurous.
Howard asked David if he would have Robin on Cougar Town. David said that would be great. He said that she could be a black panther. Howard said that could be a spin off show.
Howard said that Cougar Town is on at 9:30 tonight. David asked Howard not to give JD the power anymore. He said that Ronnie is going to kill someone. David also said that they know what happens when they give the power to someone who will abuse it. He was referring to President Bush.
Howard let David go and said that he has pain in his chest and he's got a busy day coming up today. He said he's tired and he's just cranky. Howard said he doesn't have a good attitude about anything right now.
Gary said that she's referring to the pubic hairs that are on the rim of the toilet. Gary said that she's sort of saying that maybe they should clean the hairs off the seat.
Howard said that back at K-Rock they had someone who would shit on the toilet seat and stuff. Gary said there was someone there with a vendetta who was doing that.
Howard asked Gary about Steve Brandano and why he's upset about the cougar thing. Steve came in and said that he hasn't had any bad experiences but the old ladies are showing up to the clubs and stuff. Steve said that they're not hot and they're old. Howard said he would have banged a hot cougar when he was his age. Steve said that he would to of they were hot.
Steve said that this cougar thing isn't a good thing. He said it's going to catch on and it's not going to be good. He said that they're all coming to the bars and it's just not cool. Steve said that he would rather have an average looking 20 year old than one of these cougars. Howard thanked him for that and let him go.
Gary said that they have a list of people they could get in there. Gary said that Lavar Burton, Carol Burnett, Rosie O'Donnell, Brett Butler, Issac Misrahi, and some others were winners on the show. Robin said she's not going to play anyone on this show. She said it's not a warm up for Jeopardy because they don't have a buzzer that works the same way it works on the real show.
Gary asked if Robin would play against Mike Piazza. Robin said she doesn't want to play against anyone. She said she'll walk out if they put it together and she doesn't want to do it. She said she has walked out on the show a couple of times.
Gary said she walked out on the show when she came back from a book signing and Howard went off on her. Howard said that was ridiculous. Gary said that she showed up late to the book signing and Howard went off on her. Robin said she was stressed out from that whole thing.
Howard said the guy gave some of the signs of having a stroke. Howard said he didn't know a lot of this. He said that you can't raise both corners of your mouth, can't raise both arms over your head, when sticking out your tongue it curves to one side, you can't talk correctly. Howard said the guy asked him to spread the word about all of that.
Howard said he thought that was a good letter because he didn't know those were signs of a stroke. Howard asked if that's hereditary. Robin said it's kind of like a heart attack in your brain.
Howard came back and said that Michael Moore's new movie is called ''Capitalism: A Love Story.'' He said that Michael had a security detail with him because he gets so many death threats. Michael said that they're hired by the movie studio. He said that the studio apparently gets a lot of threats. Howard asked if he has problems that he has to deal with that he needs the security detail.
Michael said that he has had threats for many years now. He said when he won the Oscar and got booed off the stage his home was vandalized and he had manure poured on his lawn and stuff like that. He said from that point on people have gone after him.
Michael said that there are guys like Bill O'Reilly who make up stories about him and lie about him to make it seem like he's godless and that he hates this country. Michael said that people see him on the street and come right up to him and confront him. He said that one guy down in Florida turned purple when he saw him on the street and the guy threw coffee in his face. One of the special forces guys jumped in front of the coffee and he got 2nd degree burns on him because of that. Michael said that the special forces guy took the guy down even though he had second degree burns on him.
Howard said he had a guy who told him he hates Michael because he makes up all of these lies. Howard asked the guy what lies he makes up and the guy said he didn't know, it was a long time ago. Howard said he thinks that these people are just going out and repeating what they hear on these shows like Bill O'Reilly's show.
Michael said that he's offered people money if they can find lies that he's made up in his movies. He said that he may have an opinion that they don't agree with but that's just his opinion. Michael said that they go through so much fact checking about the stuff he tells in these movies. He said that there are no lies in the movies he makes.
Michael said that one of every 8 homes out there is in foreclosure or delinquency. He said that's a fact. Michael said this is his 20th year as a film maker and 20 years ago he said that General Motors was fucked up. He said that if things didn't change then the rest of the country was going to look like Flint, Michigan.
Michael said that he said that there were no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq and he was right about that too. Michael said 2 years ago he made a movie about the health care thing. He said he was saying that there is something wrong with the health care system here and he was right.
Robin said that there are people who claim to love this country but they don't like people exercising their rights like Michael is doing with the first amendment.
Howard asked Michael if he is for or against capitalism. Michael said that in the old days you worked hard and you prospered. He said that he likes the idea of going out, working hard and making money off of that work. Michael said that people don't make anything anymore. He said that they just make money by moving money around. He said they make money off of money and take bets against bets and it's totally insane.
Howard said it's almost like legalized gambling with the stock market. Michael said he shows this in his movie where he goes down to the stock exchange and asks the people coming out what a derivative is. He said the one guy who could answer it wasn't able to answer the question. He said the guy had to start over like 4 times.
Howard asked Michael about Bernie Madoff and what was going on with him. Michael said that he actually feels a little sorry for him because he's just part of an even larger Ponzi scheme. He said that everyone in the stock market is involved in a big Ponzi scheme. He said that the whole country is like a big pyramid scheme.
Howard asked Michael if they're going to look back on this movie and see that he was right in a couple of years. Michael said that he's tried to warn people about these many things for the past 20 years and he is right pretty often. Michael said that there are people out there trying to figure out a way to make you work harder for less money and less benefits. He said that the Dow Jones is going up as the unemployment is going up as well. He said that's because they don't have to pay people to work.
Howard asked Michael if he's shocked that he has so many haters. Howard said he thinks that Michael is a hero and he's a big fan of his. He said he doesn't understand why people would be so upset with him. Howard asked if it's because he's ''bursting the bubble'' for some people when he comes out with movies like this. Michael said that people don't like to hear that they have cancer and it's like being a doctor and telling someone they have cancer. He said he wants to tell people that they can do something about it and stop it.
Michael said that he's seen a change over the past couple of years and things are getting better. He said that he has been backing Obama for a while now but he's never spoken to the man. He said he's not looking for thanks from him though. Michael said he did get an invitation to the inaugural but he didn't go.
Michael said that Obama has inherited a catastrophe. He said that a friend of his said that this is typical with the white man making a mess and bringing the black man in to clean it up.
Howard asked Michael if he has ever thought about making a regular movie instead of a documentary. He said he could make a Batman or a Spider-Man and just sit back and count his money. Michael said he has written a screenplay and he says it in the movie that he's sick of being in this alone. He said he needs everyone to pick up the slack and go fight.
Michael said that he will become a regular filmmaker and if he doesn't see a movement of people getting involved, he's not going to do the documentaries. He said if they do rise up then he'll continue to make them.
Howard said he would like to see Michael do a movie with someone like Jennifer Aniston. Michael said he's written one about her falling in love with him. He was joking about that but said that he is working on a comedy. He said that he didn't want to give away all of the details of that movie though.
Howard said he heard a report that Michael has a limo and he takes it to these events but parks a couple of blocks away so people don't see him in the limo. Michael said that he has a limo but he has all of the people that work for him in there and he follows behind the limo.
Michael said he drives a Chrysler mini van actually. It has 100,000 miles on it and it's 5 years old. He said that the van is parked outside there today.
Howard asked Michael about his weight loss. Michael said that he's lost a few pounds doing it the old fashioned way. He said that he's eating right and working out a bit.
Howard asked Michael if he's still living in Michigan. Michael said that he is and he's still married and a very normal guy. He said he's actually a pretty conservative kind of guy.
Howard asked Michael if he's making millions. Michael said that he does very well but he's really not worth millions of dollars. He said that he might be worth over a million if you include the house. He said that he saves his money in a savings account that gets like 1 percent interest.
Michael told Howard that the kids being brought up today aren't going to be inventing anything new, they're just going to be making money off of money by going into investment banking and things like that.
Michael said that the guy who came up with the polio vaccine didn't patent his vaccine and when he was asked about it he said that you don't patent the sun so there is no reason to patent something that's for everyone.
Michael said that Howard takes very good care of everyone there. Howard said ''Not Benjy...'' Michel said that the people there are paid well and have health care. He said that none of the people from the show were lost in the merger either. Michael told Howard that he's about the people.
Michael said he remembers listening to Howard on WWWW in Detroit. He said Howard didn't care about the money back then and he went right up against these big companies and never sold out. He said the reason he has the money now is because millions of people pay the company to hear him every morning. He said that he's never forced anyone to buy the radios and Michael said he has never forced people to buy tickets to his movies.
Howard asked Michael why people complain about Madonna adopting these kids from other countries. He said that she's saving the life of a child. Michael said that Madonna is off the rail and that rail is the people who concentrate on ''me, myself and I.'' He said that Madonna doesn't have to do this because she's got money and she's 50 years old. He said that she's willing to go out and help these kids out and it's a good thing that people don't even recognize.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Michael is one of the greatest living patriots out there. He asked Michael to rate the average intelligence of this country. Michael said that they've had a stupidity enforced upon us. He said that the schools suck and they're not funded properly. He said that we've turned out 40 million functional illiterates and they can't read or write. He said that's the school and the parents fault.
Michael said that these days both parents have to work and sometimes their children have to work so they have 3 incomes. He said that the old days are gone and things don't work the way they used to so the parents don't have time for the kids.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's proud of his services over in Iraq but he wanted to go back and talk about what Michael said earlier about there not being a movement to get the government to stop the over spending. He said he thinks that there is a big movement. Michael said he agrees with that and it's good that people are participating in the political process.
Michael said that we're all in the same boat and we're going to sink or swim together. He said he wasn't for the handing over of the money to the car companies. He talked about some of the stuff that the government has done in the past and it's criminal the way people take advantage of the government.
Another caller said he thinks that Michael challenges people to think and they don't like that. The caller said he does like it and he doesn't understand why people hate him so much.
The caller also asked what that shithead Scott DePace has to say about all of this. Michael said he knows who Scott is and he thinks that they're very generous to give him all that they do there. Scott, over the mic, said that he earns it all.
Michael said that he thinks this country can turn everything around and get the country back on track. He said that there are other countries out there who don't even have clean drinking water. He said that with the money they're spending on these wars we could dig clean water wells over in Africa. He said if we did that and put plaques on each well, it could change the way the world thinks of this country.
Howard said he used to stand outside collecting money for the Salvation Army and he still thinks highly of them. He said that we could do great things around the world with that money they're spending over in those wars.
Howard and Michael talked about some other things that are going on with the economy and how much it's changed over the years. Michael said that things have changed for the worst and everyone has a credit card now and it's just out of hand. They look for ways to suck money out of people and the money ends up vaporizing in things like 401Ks and things like that.
Howard gave Michael some more plugs for his movie. Michael told Howard about some of the stuff he does in this film and it sounded like some crazy stuff. Michael said that the cops were actually backing him up on some of the crazy stuff he was doing out on the streets there in New York City. Michael said that the movie is a lot of fun and he'll enjoy it. Howard said the movie opens in New York and Los Angeles today. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that Michael Moore was worried about Artie. Artie said that was very nice of him. He said it was weird moment for him though. He said he agrees with him a lot of the time and he is entertained by him. He said that he wouldn't have guessed he even knew he existed. Artie said that Michael told him that he liked his book.
Howard said that the Jay Leno show continues to lose ratings. He said that Letterman's ratings were almost better than Leno's were in prime time. Howard said the regular season is starting and he's down to a 4.6. Letterman had a 4.0 in late night. Conan had a 2.0 rating.
Howard asked Jon Hein what the analysis is. Jon said that's the overnight ratings and they should go down when they get the actual numbers. He said that yesterday it was a 3.8 so he thinks that Letterman may have even closer ratings than that.
Jon said that they're saying that the ratings are irrelevant to NBC and they're making money on the advertising no matter what. Jon said he thinks they have to spin it that way. Howard asked if they're going to keep going with the show and not bail out no matter what. Jon said they will do that and they're going to make money even if the ratings are low.
Howard asked if they've taken that network and blown it up. Jon said it is a chain reaction and it is ruining the ratings for both Conan and for Jimmy Fallon. He thinks that they will stay with Jay for a year and Jay will go back to the Tonight Show next year. He said he thinks that Conan is going to get screwed when they do that. He said that NBC may just get rid of Conan.
Howard said he told Conan not to move to the new time slot but Conan just had to take it over. Howard said that Conan should have been himself and kept that show at 12:30 and just been a hero. Howard said that he had Leno as a lead in and now Leno is going to be a failure in that time slot and he's going to drag Conan down even more.
Howard read more of the ratings details and said that Kimmel is getting a 1.5 rating with a 5 share. Jon said that he's in the middle of the pack with the rest of the guys like Ferguson and Fallon.
Howard said he would like to see how bad CBS and ABC are trouncing the local news on NBC. Howard said that this effects the Today Show ratings in the morning. He said that people go to sleep with their TVs on and they turn it on in the mornings and it's going to be on the wrong channel. Howard said people don't channel surf that much. They just leave their TV on the channel it was on the night before.
Artie asked if Howard thinks that Sal leaves his TV on German Pee Porn. Howard said that Sal gave him another pee porn clip that was disgusting. He listened to a few seconds of that and said he couldn't take anymore.
Howard played the audio from the show where Kelly was crying and explaining why she was doing that. She was so happy about what she was doing that she just broke down crying happy tears. Howard said that her parents were upset too because they hadn't seen Kelly dressed like that.
Howard said he saw Sharon Osbourne on that America's Got Talent and he doesn't think that she's gained weight. He's not sure what that caller was talking about earlier.
Howard said he had some more porn clips to play. He played one where a guy was getting sucked off and it sounded like an episode of the Muppets or something the way the guy was talking. Howard said the guy was Dr. Dick Delaware and he was playing some weird character in the scene. Howard said he was really obnoxious. Howard played another one where he was acting all weird with the girls.
Howard said that guys are talking way too much in porn now. Robin thinks that Nick Manning got that started. He played some examples of Nick's work where he's talking about ''wet cunt'' and stuff like that. Howard asked Robin if she hears him talking like that when she hangs out with him. Robin said he calls once in a while and tells her about his ''day off.''
Howard played the voice mail where Riley asked for the money from the car service to come and pick him up instead of sending the car for him. Riley said he doesn't like being at the schedule of others. Riley said that Jim McClure hasn't been returning his messages. Riley was asking Gary to look into that for him.
Howard said that's pretty wild. Artie said he thinks that Riley is just crazy.
Howard asked Robin if she thinks she can beat those two. Robin said she thinks that she'll have a pretty easy time with Julie. Fred beat her in a win Fred's Money thing so Robin thinks that she can beat her too.
Steve said that Dan the Song Parody Man was spotted giving Artie some cash. Steve said that might be part of the money he borrowed from him a couple of years ago. Artie said that he did come up there and pay him back some of the money. He didn't want to say how much it was. Then Howard told him to just say it so he said it was $500. Artie said he's going to keep paying him back now that he has a job.
Artie said that there's nothing but weird about that whole thing. He said that Dan has paid him back $1,500 of the $7,500 he gave him. He said he told Dan he wouldn't say anything about this but now the news is all over it so he had to.
Howard said they predict that he'll be paid back by 2015 or so. That led into a song parody about Dan that Sal created called ''Pay Artie Back.'' Howard said he's glad to see that they're working things out.
Howard said Dan was there at the meeting yesterday. Artie said that's where he saw him. Howard said the news department is all over that stuff. He likes that.
Steve said that Artie made a brief appearance on Joe Buck Live last night. It was pre-taped though. It was a scene where Joe ran into Artie and Joe ends up running away from him. Artie said there wasn't a microphone near them in the bit. Artie said it was kind of interesting. He said he would have liked to have been on the show to talk again.
Steve said that Hanzi has been talking about his own mortality lately and he's apparently off of his meds. Steve said that he was upset with Nick DiPaolo's comments on the show the other day.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran down his list of subjects for today's show. That led to the guys talking about how Michael Moore has to be worth more than a million bucks. Howard said that he has to be worth more based on the kind of money his movies have made. Howard said if he's not worth over a million then Michael must be pissed.
Howard had Steve Brandano in to promote tonight's Intern Show. Steve said that hey had an NBA superstar up there yesterday and they'll talk about that on tonight's show. Howard said that they should talk about what JD did with Ronnie too. Steve said they will talk about that. Steve said he would like the power but he doesn't think that he could have fired Ronnie himself. The Intern Show is on at 7 tonight on Howard 101.
Howard played a song parody for Robin which was ''Squirty On Robin's Cans'' to the tune of ''Herdy Gerdy Man.'' Robin started her news with a story about the Black Eyed Peas possibly stealing some of their songs. Robin said they say that Fergie's song ''Voodoo Doll'' might be a rip off of a song called Waterfall by a band called Groundation. They had some audio of that so they could compare the two. It definitely sounded like the same music. Howard said he couldn't tell. Artie said he could tell, they both suck exactly the same.
Gary brought in a guy who paid $27,000 to get to sit in on the show. He brought a friend with him to sit in with him. He said they gave to a charity for this girl who was shaken by her nanny. The guy said that he was sorry to hear about his ''niece'' but he meant to say ''aunt.'' The guy had been in there before with Howard's niece so he had her on his mind. Howard told the guys to sit back and enjoy the show.
Robin read some news about Melrose Place coming back on the air. She said that Heather Locklear is coming back to that show. Howard said he won't be watching that. Howard said he did watch those shows when they were on years ago. He has cut back on his TV watching.
Robin said that they're now saying that Anna Nicole Smith's doctors may have had in appropriate relationships with her. Robin said that one of her doctors was a woman. Howard said that's hot. The woman claims that she and Anna were just good friends.
Robin read about Mackenzie Phillips claims that her father had sex with her. Robin said Mackenzie is asking people not to hate her father. Howard said if she doesn't want people to hate the guy then don't tell the story. They talked about how sick that is to sleep with your own daughter. Robin said that guy who kidnapped the 11 year old and kept her for 18 years didn't sleep with his own kids. Howard said even that guy had a line that he wouldn't cross.
Robin read some of the other details of that story. That led to Howard playing a song that Papa John played on the show years ago where he sang about this Fairy Tale girl and it was supposed to be Mackenzie. Howard said this wasn't making sense to him. Howard said he's not sure he believes that whole thing. He said it sounds so horrible to him that he finds it hard to believe.
Robin read about some Rock and Roll Hall of Fame nominations that have been revealed. Howard said they should board that place up with the nominations they had. He said that the Moody Blues aren't in there yet but they've nominated KISS and The Stooges.
Robin said she was wondering if it was possible to have your heart in the wrong position after seeing Ninja Assassin and she just read that this guy had his heart in the wrong place. His organs are all reversed. Robin said on the inside he was a mirror image of a normal person.
Robin read about a couple that were shot at when they were outside of someone's house. They were apparently asked to leave and were shot at when they didn't get out of there fast enough.
Robin read about Patrick Swayze's book that he wrote before he died. The book is called ''The Time Of My Life.'' Artie said he gets it... it's that song from ''Dirty Dancing.'' Robin said that he did a reading of the book that may give people chills when they hear it. Robin wondered if Sal and Richard were going to edit his audio book to make Patrick say crazy stuff. Howard said he's pretty sure they will. Artie did an impression of what that might sound like.
Robin said that Disney is about to release Toy Story and Toy Story 2 in 3D. People are wondering if they're going to go in and do that with more of their movies. Howard said they need to come up with a different design for those glasses. Robin said they do have some out there that are better looking than the old ones.
Robin said that the Yankees have clinched a playoff spot this season and they're the first ones to do that. Artie said they had a pretty amazing season. He said they'll have to see if A-Rod can get a hit in October now. Artie said that he just figured out how much a ticket is going to coast for the playoffs and it's going to be around 4 grand.
Robin read about the people who have been picked for Celebrity Fit Club. She read that Kevin Federline is one of them. Bobby Brown, Nicole Eggert and others will be on the show. Howard was bummed that Nicole had gotten fat. He said that she used to be super hot.
Robin read about Plaxico Burress being sentenced to two years in prison for shooting himself in the leg. Howard said he was feeling bad for the guy but then realized that he just threw it all away by doing such a stupid thing. Howard said he doesn't think that they would have gone after any other guy the way they went after him.
Robin read a story about sending more troops to Afghanistan. Howard said they should stop sending people there and just use drones and things like that. Robin said that the guy in charge over there is saying that the country is so corrupt over there that there is no way for them to win. Robin said that if they do leave then the Taliban is going to overrun that whole country. Howard said he'd be concerned with that but he'll be watching Cougar Town tonight.
Robin had Howard play some clips of the President talking about a few things. Howard said they should give some of those beads that Robin has on her head to the fat people in this country. Howard said the back of Robin's head looks weird with the band said holding them on and all. He said she's driving him crazy with those beads.
Robin said that Muammar Gaddafi keeps trying to find a place to stay here in the country but people find out and keep him on the move.
Robin had some audio of Mayor Bloomberg talking about Plaxico Burress. Howard said he did feel bad for the guy but he did break the rules so they had to punish him.
Robin had a story about a poll that was done that found that people are upset with current government policies. Howard said he's angry too but he's not even sure why.
Robin read about another poll that says people think that we're becoming more and more rude in this country. That led to Fred plying a bunch of Tracey Millman clips like ''Douche!'' and ''fuck you.''
Ralph called in and asked what Robin was up to because he missed it earlier. Robin told him what it was and Ralph laughed. He asked her if she thinks she loses all credibility when she does that. Robin said she doesn't think that at all. Howard made fun of Robin and Fred played some alien movie audio clips and things like that to make fun of her.
Howard said that Robin is betraying Dr. Roni by doing this. Robin said she's not doing anything differently other than putting the beads on her head. Ralph asked if she can plant then and grow a bean stalk. Howard said that this is what Riley Martin should do to make money. He could sell beads to people to lose weight.
Howard said he'd like to tape those guys laughing at Robin as she drives away. Robin just steam rolled back to her news and ignored what Howard was saying about her beads. Fred and Howard would throw in a line or two about her beads but she just read the story she was on.
Howard told Ralph that you have to rub the beads 40 times to forget about eating. Robin said it's supposed to help you maintain your diet. Ralph didn't understand why she was doing this. Robin said she doesn't have an issue with eating but Ralph laughed and said her issue is that she has beads taped to her head. He was laughing his ass off at her.
Robin tried to read more of her news but Howard wanted to talk to her about her diet stuff. Howard said she's so willing to try this stuff that he worries about her. He said he doesn't want her to try everything. He said she's going to come in there one day with a light bulb up her ass or something.
Robin read a story about Ellen Degeneres going to American Idol and thinking that she's going to be great. Howard said they know better. Robin said that she claims she'll be good because she's spent her whole life ''being judged.''
Robin told Howard that he's been very rude to her and she hopes he's had his fun today. Howard had to end the show a short time later, right around 10:35am.
Jon said that Scott the Engineer came in and said that he lost 55 pounds and Robin was making fun of his looks. Gary said that went into that weird thing about using Western medicine and things like that. He said Robin seems to think that there's something really wrong with that. She only thinks that Western medicine is good for when you're in a crisis.
Scott DePace was in and said that Robin loses all credit when she says she's losing weight with beads taped to her head. Gary said he's not sure that the other diet is working for her now and that might be why she's trying new stuff.
Scott the Engineer came in and said that Robin was a little rough on him today. He said he knows he looks like shit too but Robin was a little harsh on him. Jon said Scott looks great right now. Scott said he went on his own diet and started to eat more protein and less carbs and started to exercise. He said it wasn't a big change.
Gary asked Scott if he was sick or if he just did it. Scott said he was like 60 pounds overweight and he had done this Mr. Lotto show for Howard TV and after seeing himself he said he was huge and had to do something about it.
Scott said that Robin crashed down on his party today. He said he's feeling really good and she just made him feel like shit today. Scott said he's known about the bead thing for a couple of weeks now. He said he was told about it by a friend and he was doing her a favor by not bringing it up. He said that Robin actually thanked him for not bringing it up on the air.
Gary asked how it came up. Jon said it was a caller who brought it up today. Scott said that she's apparently not following the whole diet because they do drink milk and stuff and Robin is a vegan so she doesn't do that. Gary said it's weird how he's the fat one on the show while everyone else is losing weight.
Benjy asked Scott if he knows what carbs are. Scott said he doesn't technically know. He said he does eat fruits and things like that but he eats less than he used to.
Gary asked Scott when he started to lose the weight. Scott started in April and it took him about 4 months to do it. Scott said he was eating really bad and eating late at night. He would have cake and milk late at night and that was really bad for him. Now he has watermelon or something like that instead.
Scott said he's stuck at a point where he'd have to work much harder to lose that weight. He said he's just taking it easy and not pushing it. He said he was losing like 6 pounds a week in the beginning and that just doesn't last long.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that she's doing the same diet that Robin is doing. She said she's been doing this for about 6 months now. She said that the beads are an acupuncture thing. She said she's going to the place today to get an update. She said that she was going to be a surrogate mother so she started out pretty heavy. She was 227 ponds but she's down to 170 now. She's not Howard Stern Show material right now but she thinks she will be one day. She said it's $600 a month to do this diet.
Jon asked the caller how the beads help her thoughts. She said that she knows they're there and she thinks about having them on there when they're not there. Scott told her to save her money and eat less. He told her to eat right and exercise. Scott told her that it's stupid to have those beads and eat better. He said she could save all that money and still lose it. Scott said his son lost 75 pounds too so it really worked for him.
Scott DePace said that this is all a little crazy. He said that Scott is right about just eating right and exercising.
Jon asked Ronnie if he thought Robin was rough on Scott today. Ronnie missed it because he was busy helping Michael Moore get up there all morning.
Gary asked Ronnie what he would do if they were all out to dinner and JD was there. Ronnie said he wouldn't eat with them and he'd leave if JD showed up and sat down. He said that when he's done with someone, he's really done with them.
DePace said that JD is the least confrontational person there. Ronnie said that he doesn't know what he's really like out in the hallway there. Gary warned him that he's close to getting cut out of Ronnie's life.
The guys asked Ronnie if he would go to JD's funeral. Ronnie said he won't do that. He said he's really dead to him and he's done with him.
Ronnie kept saying that he was ''done'' with JD over and over. He said he's tired of the way he acts around him and tries to get him riled up. He said that JD and Richard are always trying to get things going with him and he's sick of it. He said he doesn't want to be bothered out in the hallway by him anymore.
Ronnie said that the sales department is upset with the whole thing because they had a sponsor lines up for the next show. DePace asked if Howard has any blame in this. Ronnie yelled out ''No!'' every time he was asked. He said it was all JD's fault in his mind.
The guys kept asking Ronnie why he didn't think that Howard had any blame in this whole thing. Ronnie said that it was JD who made the final decision, not Howard. DePace said that Howard has the power to put that show back on the air though. Ronnie said that Howard can do anything he wants.
Benjy asked Ronnie if he would be mad at a coin if Howard decided to flip a coin to make the decision on canceling his show. Ronnie asked Benjy what the fuck he was talking about. He made a good point though. Ronnie is blaming the guy that Howard gave the power to.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that whole thing was pretty funny yesterday. Ronnie said that JD thinks that everything should be funny. The caller said he's a car guy and he found the show kind of boring. Ronnie said he's fine with that. He said that's his opinion and that's fine, he doesn't have to listen.
Benjy asked Ronnie why he doesn't go to Tim and ask him to get the show back on. He said it's business and he doesn't have to beg someone to get it on. Ronnie said that he doesn't want to bother anyone about it and if Howard wants it gone then he's done. Ronnie said he's not going to be the one who goes and complains about it to Tim or Howard. Benjy said maybe he could do it on another channel. Ronnie just said ''he, whatever.''
A caller said that Ronnie's show was horrible and even worse than the car he had built for Howard. Ronnie said that there are over 100 channels there and they don't have to listen to his show. He said that Chuck Zito's show isn't a comedy show either so he's not sure why JD said it had to be a comedy show.
Ronnie said that his show was a little funny too. Ronnie ended up getting pissed about the guy in the studio who was laughing. It was the guy who won the charity auction.
Ronnie said that Chuck Zito's show is something to listen to even if it's not a comedy show. Ronnie said that his show was the same kind of thing that people can tune into if they want to.
Chuck Zito actually showed up in the studio and Ronnie was still comparing his show to his. Chuck said that he's with Ronnie and he doesn't think that Riley's show is funny. Gary said that show is very funny because the guy is so wacky.
chuck said that he hates to say it but he's still on the air. Chuck said he heard the show on so he had to come running in there. Ronnie told Chuck that JD has the power to cancel his show too. Chuck asked who that was and Gary told him he's a skinny kid that weighs about 130 pounds.
Chuck told Ronnie that he doesn't have to work with him. He could punch him. Ronnie said he'd get fired if he did that.
Jon and Gary asked Chuck what he would do if JD canceled his show. Chuck said that he thinks JD is addicted to breathing and he wouldn't cancel the show.
Ronnie asked Chuck what he would do if Howard gave JD the power to fire him from his show but he still had to work with him every day. Chuck said they wouldn't be working together if he had fired him. He said that he'd be asked politely to leave.
Benjy said that they don't want anything to happen to JD. He said that no one wants him hurt. Ronnie said he doesn't want him hurt either. Chuck asked why he wasn't there to defend himself. Gary said he went home already.
DePace told Chuck that JD didn't fire Ronnie from his job. He just fired him from a once a month show. chuck said that's what his show is too.
Ronnie asked DePace what he would do if he had the same thing happen to him. DePace said that if JD knew that he would be this mad about it he shouldn't have done it.
Jon said that maybe JD will have a change of heart and maybe he'll change his mind. Ronnie said that won't happen. Chuck said that maybe he will change his mind. He got in a plug for his show that airs next Monday at 7.
Ralph called in and said that he finds Chuck's show very funny and amusing. He said he didn't think that JD had said that the show had to be funny. He just said it had to be entertaining.
Ralph asked Chuck who Ronnie should be mad at, JD or Howard. Chuck didn't know all of the details so they had to fill him in on that. Ronnie said that it wasn't Howard who said that he wanted the show off the air. Ronnie said that it was JD who made the decision.
Chuck said that Ronnie shouldn't be mad at Howard. Ralph told Chuck he's wrong and he should be mad at Howard because Howard anted the show off the air and he just had JD take the fall for it. They had to go to break a short time later.
Jon asked if they expected that Michael Moore would need security like that. Ronnie said that the movie company were the ones who thought he needed it for insurance purposes.
Benjy wondered why they would care at this point because they're going to make money with this movie even if he gets knocked off. Benjy said that they might make even more if they get publicity for the movie if he's knocked off. He said he doesn't want that to happen but he thinks that they would do even better if he was.
Ronnie had to get going so he ran out of there. Gary and Benjy were still in the middle of talking about the insurance and security thing.
Jon wanted to move on and asked Scott DePace about Moore and if he thinks that he's the devil. Scott said he thinks that he definitely lied and he gets angered by that. He said he thinks that he lied about some stuff in Fahrenheit 911. He said that it's well documented that he lied about some of the stuff fin that movie. Gary said that he's not sure he lied about that stuff.
Gary said that Michael said that he's offered people money to prove him wrong so maybe Scott should do that. Scott said that he edits stuff to make it seem like something else. Gary told him to prove it then and collect the money from the guy.
Gary said that if Michael Moore is lying then they should figure out what he's lying about and prove him wrong so they can collect the money. Gary said he'd be up for that but he doesn't think that it's going to happen. DePace said that he'll push it forward then and figure out about the lie about the bin Laden family being let out of the country shortly after the 9/11 attacks happened. He said it's well documented that it didn't happen.
Gary and the guys were talking about how much Michael might be worth since he was saying that he's not worth much more than a million. The guys figured that he was worth much more than that. Scott said that maybe his agent isn't the best or maybe he's lying.
Jon played a clip from the interview where Michael was talking about people making money on the stock market and how insane that whole thing is.
After that clip Jon asked Gary what he thought about that. Gary said it makes a lot of sense to him. He said that his father never invested in stocks but in the past it meant that you believed in a company if you did invest. He said that now it's all about making money.
The guys were talking about what Michael was saying about credit card companies and how they really don't treat people right by letting them take out so much money that they can't pay back.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Howard has ever thought about collaborating on a documentary with Michael Moore. Gary said he's not sure that Howard dates to collaborate with anyone at this point. He said he thinks that he does like the guy though.
Gary said he likes a lot of what Michael says but you never know who is telling the truth all the time. Scott said that he tells the truth all the time. Gary said that he could throw him under the bus so bad right now. He decided not to do that. Gary said that Scott lied about something with his wife and an Emmy award. Scott said that the Daily Show won two Emmys and he said he doesn't get jealous of his wife working for that show. Scott said he thinks that Howard's show is funnier and they never win an Emmy. Gary said that Scott was saying that it pisses him off when he sees them getting that award. Scott said he didn't say that and it's the whole thing, not just that show.
Jon asked Scott about the Emmys and if he thinks that any award show should exist. Scott said people like doctors should be winning awards. Scott was also saying that the Emmy thing is all subjective and they're just not right. He said that they're very left leaning on the Emmys too. He said that Bill Maher won and so did the Daily Show and that proves that they're very left leaning.
Jon took a call from a guy who wondered why Michael Moore doesn't make these movies and give them away. The guys said that he has to make money to make more films. The guy said that it seems that he's making money off of making money so what he was saying about the stock market is what he is doing. The guys argued about that and Gary said that the movie is entertainment and Michael was talking about the polio thing because that's something that can save lives.
Jon and Gary told Scott he should see that movie ''Roger and Me.'' Scott said he was forced to watch that in college.
A caller said that Moore is an entertainer and you work a niche and that's what Moore is doing. He said he's exposing the bad guys in the corporate world. He said that you can't lose sight of the fact that they're all entertainers.
Gary said that no matter what the movie is, someone goes into a movie with an opinion. He said that the people on 60 Minutes have a clear agenda when they start out with a story. He said he thinks that Michael Moore would admit he has an agenda when he goes into it too.
The guys spent a few more minutes on the politics stuff. Scott said he wasn't planning on talking to Michael but they got him on camera and he did lie when he said he likes Michael Moore.
Gary said that Scott was way nicer than a lot of people who see Moore in a day. He said that one guy threw coffee on him.
Benjy said that there was something interesting in the interview and it might come out. He said that the talk about how much he was worth was interesting. Gary said that Michael figured that if you included his house in the whole thing he might be worth a million bucks. Benjy said that maybe someone will do a story about that and find out that he's worth 10 million. He wondered what would happen if that came up. Scott said that he would skate around it somehow. Scott said that he has to be worth a lot more money than he claimed today. Gary said that he agrees with him on that.
Jon asked the guys about Steve Brandano coming in and talking about the cougars that are out at the bars he goes to. Steve was in the studio and said that the whole cougar thing has to stop because it's getting out of control. Gary said that there are plenty of shows with hot chicks on them that aren't cougars and there have always been shows like that.
Steve said he's just warning them about this stuff. He said that we're going to be over saturated with these old, ugly cougars.
Gary said that he should be upset about the show Ugly Betty if that's the case. Steve said that show teaches women that they can be something without the looks. He said that's different than these cougars.
Benjy asked what he thinks is going to happen if the cougars do take over. Steve said that he's just warning people that it's happening and they should be worried. Gary didn't think that it was going to be a problem.
A caller asked Steve if he's been with an older woman. Steve said he hasn't because he can still get 20 year olds. He said that if he sees any cougars that look as good as good as Courtney Cox then he'll change his mind on this stuff. He said that women that look like that aren't going to bars to pick up guys. He said that it's only ugly women who are doing that right now.
Jon said that Steve is very strong with his opinions and you can hear more of them on tonight's Intern Show at 7pm on Howard 101.
Jon took one more call from a guy who said that they have to give Robin credit for taking so much shit on the show. He said that she laughs it off pretty well. Gary said they all take shit on the show, not just Robin. The caller said that Robin's diet crap is ridiculous but she takes it pretty well when they make fun of her. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about how busy the show was going to be. They have April Macie calling in to talk about what Mitch Fatel said about her last week. Howard said she remembers things a little differently than Mitch did.
Howard said they also have a trivia contest between Sal, Sarah the laugher and Britney Stevens. Jay Thomas is going to be stopping by as well.
Howard said he was looking through the email this morning and read about some of the stuff they were talking about yesterday. He said he was reading about the Mackenzie Phillips stories but he wasn't believing them. He said that her sister Chyna was saying that she doesn't think she's make those stories up. Howard said Papa John's two ex-wives are coming out and saying they don't believe that stuff for a second.
Robin said that it's not unusual for women to deny stuff like that or go into a protective mode. Howard said he doesn't know what to believe. Robin said that this is something that allegedly started when she was 19 years old. Howard said he can never imagine himself looking at his daughters in a sexual way. Robin said that John wasn't normal by any stretch of the imagination.
Howard said that Robin was the victim of a father who molested her. Robin said it's very easy when you have access to a kid like that. She said that they're saying that the drugs had a lot to do with it too. She said that Mackenzie was saying that she would wake up with her pants down and her father would be going at it.
Howard said Chyna is claiming that Mackenzie told her about this stuff 12 years ago. Artie said he tuned in to watch Oprah yesterday. He said he had to see her talking about that stuff. Artie said he believes her after seeing her face.
Howard said of all of the kids he had, that was an odd choice. Robin said that maybe it was because no one else was around.
Robin said that the woman whose liver Papa John got was a little old church going lady. Howard said John went out and drank after getting that liver too. He said that John wasn't ashamed of it either.
Howard said he had some audio clips from Oprah's show to play. He had to explain who this Mackenzie Phillips was to the younger listeners. Howard said she used to be on this TV show ''One Day at a Time'' and her father was the famous Papa John Phillips from the Mamas and the Papas.
Howard played a clip where Oprah asked Mackenzie to talk about this secret she had revealed in her book. She had her read from page 108 in the book. Howard asked how she was looking these days. Robin said she still looks like Mackenzie Phillips but she looks like she's used drugs too.
In the clip Mackenzie talks about how she figured out that she had sex with her father. Mackenzie gave a lot of details about what was going on then and how she thought that her father was supposed to protect her and not fuck her. Mackenzie said she didn't know if that was the first time he had done her.
Howard imagined what it would be like if his father fucked him and how he would remember if it was the first time.
Mackenzie went on to talk about how she was in a hotel room the next morning without her father around. Oprah asked her what she did after that. Mackenzie said she boxed it away and she did that with a lot of stuff in her life. She said that was the mother of all difficulties she had in her life. Mackenzie said that she told herself not to look at what had happened as if it were a video clip in her head.
Oprah asked Mackenzie about other times she had been with her father. Mackenzie said she would wake up in the morning with her pants down around her ankles and her father would be there in the room. Howard said that's really creepy to think about that. He said that she's really a head case. Howard said you'd think that would sober someone up if that happened.
Howard said this all sounds so weird to him. Artie said that the guy got her started on drugs and if this is true then he might be one of the most evil people ever.
Howard said he's not going to play the whole thing but she goes on to talk about her dad wanting to marry her and go off to Fiji to live. Robin said she didn't get that either. She said that he wanted to do that even though they weren't together every night and living together.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if anyone is going to buy her book without that story. Howard said no to that and said that maybe this is the reason she wrote the book. He said that she's not going to get a book deal without a story like that.
Robin wondered if she should listen to ''All the Leaves Are Brown'' anymore. Howard wasn't sure if the songs should be affected by the author. Robin said she tried to stop watching Woody Allen movies after he married Soon Yi. She wasn't able to do it though.
Howard said he knows people who claim they stopped listening to Elton John music when they found out he's gay. Howard said maybe people do that when they hear stories like this too.
Robin said that Mackenzie has to live with this and it has to be tough for her. She said that she may have tared herself in the process and she may not have thought this through.
Artie said that this might be a case for Ed Torian. Howard and Artie did their impressions of Ed asking Mackenzie questions about fucking her dad for a short time.
Howard said Travolta claims that he changed his mind and had them bring him to the hospital instead. The two guys in the ambulance thought that they could get a pay day from Travolta if they blackmailed him and threatened to release those papers.
Howard said Travolta's people went to the authorities and they arrested the two guys for blackmail. Howard said the interesting thing about it is that they showed up to the trial and had to go through the death of their child again. Howard said that it's great that they went back to make sure that they got the sentence they deserved. Howard said that he's not sure how much time they got but they must be getting some time.
Robin said that Tim has lost a lot more weight and he looks wonderful. Howard said Tim doesn't look that good. Scott said he looks like he's in a coma most of the time. Robin said that Tim is looking good and his skin isn't sagging and it doesn't have a pallor like Scott does.
Howard said that people are talking behind Tim's back talking about how he's not looking right. Everyone thinks that he's not quite there. Howard said he has a vacant look in his eyes. Robin said she thinks that Scott could have more in his life if he went healthy.
Howard read some of the email he got about Robin and how horrible she is. One guy said they can't wait for her to balloon up again. Another person asked if Robin is looking for attention or is she just looking for attention. Some people were also talking about her wacky ''ball behind the ear'' diet technique.
Howard read one email where the person thought she was way off the deep end now with this diet advice. That person thinks that she'll eventually become a Scientologist. Robin said ''Oh please...'' Howard said that some people think that Robin is even more out of control with her narcissism than ever.
Scott said that he's much healthier than he was and he's going to continue with that. Robin told him to go head and do that then.
Howard read more mail about their wacky dieting stuff. one person said that the way you lose weight is to take in less than you burn.
Howard said he got an article about the fat burning beads. He said that they've been banned in the UK. Howard asked Robin if she had them on today. Robin said she did. Howard read the article about the beads where they say that they're like snake oil and they don't work.
Howard read details about the beads and they sound just like what Robin was using. Robin said that this guy isn't the same person that Howard was reading about and they have a whole diet with the beads. Howard said that he's leaving the name of the company off the air and he wanted to know if this was the same one that Robin was using. Robin said that this isn't the same company. Howard showed Robin the name and she said that wasn't it. Howard asked if it was similar to a name that he showed her and it was similar.
Howard said he loves Robin and she has said that if he really loved her he would tell her stuff like this, so that's why he's doing this.
Howard said Robin has been on yo-yo diets in the past and she could go back up again. Robin said she's been losing weight for a couple of years now and she continues to lose weight. Howard told her to remove the beads. Howard said that this diet makes no sense and she can stop ''checking it out'' like she claims she's doing. Robin kept saying that she's not doing this for herself and she's doing it to look into how they work. Howard told her there is nothing happening with the beads.
Howard told Robin he knows she's on a journey in her life but these beads aren't helping. Robin said that if anyone in that room thinks she's the craziest, they're all out of their minds. Robin said they're all crazy in there and she's just one of them.
Howard said Robin brought in that friend of her's, Brendan, and he saw that Robin was giddy with him in there. He said she claims she hasn't had sex with the guy but the real question is if she's trying to have sex with him. Robin said she's not trying to have anything.
Howard said he sees things with Robin and he knows that she's up to something. Robin said that Artie would never see any of that stuff even if it was right in front of him. Howard said that Robin can be closed about this stuff but he thinks that something is going on with her and this guy. Robin said that she has promoted other people in there before and she wasn't dating them.
Howard said he wants Robin to have love in her life. Robin said that's the nicest thing he's said to her. Howard said he could watch Robin's living all day long. He said he likes that she's out there looking for this stuff. He said he loves that she has those beads on her head today. Howard said he loves the news department for finding that stuff out. Robin reminded him that it wasn't the news department, it was a caller who told them about it.
Howard said that the fat burning beads have been banned in the UK because they consider them a con. Howard said that people were complaining that they weren't working for them.
Howard said they're going to move off of Robin and talk about something else. Robin mentioned that Brendan's name is Brendan Murphy if you want to look him up on the web. He's a painter.
Yucko the Clown called in and said he's glad Robin is going to get rid of the beads. He told her to get a matching plate for her lips so she can see all of the food she's eating. Howard said Yucko has it in for her lately. Robin said she didn't think that was the case, he hasn't said much about her lately.
A caller said that she has those beads on her head and they're actually magnet balls. She said that they work for her. She talked about the way you eat when you're on that stuff. Robin said that she's not on the diet, she just wanted to see what the beads do. She still eats the same way she's been eating for a couple of years now.
Howard told Robin she doesn't have magnets there on her head. The woman on the phone said that they lose their power every 10 days and you have to get them replaced. Artie laughed when he heard that. She also said that they charge $75 each time they change them out. Artie laughed again.
Robin said she was going to take the magnets off since they were giving her such a hard time. Howard said that she became normal to him again once she took them off. Robin had to pull them off after taking her headphones off. Howard said that she's going to gain 15 pounds now that they stuck these magnets on her head. Robin said she really didn't know they were magnets. Howard said that everyone who was concerned can stop now. He said that she's removed those magnets from her head.
Howard said Robin just ordered a pizza. He said he was worried about her having magnets stuck on her head. Howard said maybe she'll thank him for that now. He said he had to shame her into removing those things.
Howard said Beth said she didn't know why she was doing this when he spoke to her yesterday. He said they weren't able to get in touch for like 2 days because she's so busy out there. Howard said he would get bummed if this became a regular thing for her.
Robin asked Howard what he would do if she had to go away for 2 months out of the year. Howard said he wouldn't feel good about it but he'd have to deal with it. Robin said maybe it would be easier if he was back in his regular apartment. Howard said that would help.
Bobo said that if he was Howard he would fly out after the show today to see Beth because she's hot. That made Artie laugh again.
Howard said he looked into flying out there to do shows in L.A. He said it was expensive and doing shows like that are a strain. Howard said he is capable of being on his own for a month so he doesn't have to go out there.
Robin asked what's going on with Bianca. Howard said that he's going away so the dog is with Beth's mom out in Pittsburgh. Howard said she's been out there for a week now. Howard said the apartment he's renting now isn't air conditioned so she can't stay there. Howard said that he's gone all day long and he can't leave her alone. Howard said he's not a fan of what's going on right now. He's not in his apartment and Beth is away. It's all a mess.
Howard said he's going to let April Macie respond to what Mitch Fatel said about her last week. He said he had to take a break first though. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that Mitch Fatel was on the show last week and he used to be their intern. Howard said that Mitch made some comments about comedian April Macie and how he dated her. Howard said that April was on the show and she won a contest they had for the hottest comedian. She came in this morning to talk about what Mitch said last week. Howard said that she was looking really good this morning too.
Howard had Mitch on the phone. He said that April and Mitch hooked up a couple of years ago. Howard played some of the audio of what Mitch said about her last week. In the clip Mitch said that she was phenomenal in bed. Mitch said she was willing to try just about anything but a threesome.
After the clip Howard said that was very positive. April agreed with him about that. April said that wasn't what she had a problem with. She said she had tried anal beads like he said. She said that you put them in there and then pull them out. She said that Mitch was in charge of the clean up of those things.
Howard asked her if she was the one who shoved them in there or was it Mitch. April said it was Mitch who put them in. Mitch said that he thinks they got up to six in there.
April said that she hasn't used them since Mitch. Howard said that's very hot thinking of her using anal beads. She said it's just one of those things that you try out in your life. Howard said Beth wouldn't let him do anything like that.
Mitch said it's kind of strange because you have to know when to pull them out. Howard asked how long it takes to get them in there. April said it doesn't take long. She said she thinks that her anus swallowed all four. She said that coming out is a weird feeling. She said that Mitch's timing was a little off so she didn't orgasm with them. She said that she tried it once after Mitch did it but that guy's timing was really off.
Howard said he was texting Beth the other day and he told her to send him a picture of her in her bathing suit. Howard said Beth is sporting a bush right now since he's not around. He said he told her he wanted to shave her and he didn't hear back from her. Later on he said that he asked her to send him another picture of herself and he told her that she's looking hot. He told her he wants to do stuff to her that she doesn't usually let him do. He said he got no response from her other than asking when his flight was coming in.
April said that she and Mitch made a dildo in the kitchen one time. She had to give him a handle while they were mixing batter to take a mold of his penis.
Howard played another clip of Mitch talking about April where he said that she's nuts and has a lot of daddy issues. Mitch was saying that she was a very jealous person and she'd call him asking who these women were on his Myspace account asking to have sex with him. He claimed she was obsessed with him possibly cheating and he definitely was.
April told Howard that she is kind of crazy. She slapped a man one time while he was on the shitter. She said that he was having porn shoots in their house and she went in and slapped him. She said that she also threw a pumpkin at a man's head.
April said she wasn't jealous of Mitch and it was Mitch who was jealous of her and her ex-boyfriend. He had a google alert set up for her ex. Mitch said that's kind of true.
Howard asked April about what Mitch was saying about her moving into his place. She said that it was Mitch's idea for her to move in. Mitch said that he wanted her to move in for like 6 weeks and then move out. She said that wasn't the way she thought it was. Mitch said that she cried when he asked her to move out. She said she is a crier so that's why she would cry over that.
April said that she was the one who suggested that they have an open relationship. Mitch said that's not true. April said that she ended up blowing an Argentinean and that blew Mitch's mind and he was a mess after that. Howard asked Mitch who is telling the truth there. Mitch said that none of this is based on any reality. He said that he had already asked her to move out when she blew this guy. She said that he had asked her to move out, she cried, and he had to promise he would marry her. April said that wasn't true either.
Howard said that April is saying that what Mitch was saying was the opposite of what he was saying. April said she misses the friendship she had with Mitch. She said she was hurt by all of this nonsense he came out with. Mitch said he thinks that she's forgetting about the stuff she was jealous about. He said they should move on and get past this stuff.
Howard asked if they're ever going to get over this stuff. He said it sounds like Mitch and April were confused about what was going on with their relationship. April said that she had a whole arsenal of men at the time and her dance card was full.
Mitch asked April if she cried when he asked her to move out. She said that it did come out of nowhere. She said that it was a day of tears and then she moved on. She said that they got over it pretty quickly from what she remembers.
Howard said he's not sure he can solve this stuff. He said that he's heard both sides of the story and they don't match up. Howard said this is why men and women can't get along. Howard said that some guys can't handle women having sex with other men and that might be why Mitch was so freaked out.
April said that Mitch still sends her stuff about her ex, Gary Gullman, to let her know what he's up to. April said that he just sent some stuff to her like 6 months ago.
Mitch got in some plugs for some upcoming gigs before Howard let him go. Howard said he gets why April would be upset about the stuff that Mitch was saying. Howard asked if she does have daddy issues like Mitch claimed. She said that she does but it was just a little beating. She said that her father is so cheap that he takes medicine for fish instead of for humans.
Howard said that April has some nice boobs. She said they're C's most of the time but they do go up to D's when she gets a little fatter.
Howard said he's trying to get something going on with Beth in texts and she just ignores it. Howard said he's going to talk to her about it when he sees her. He said that she's got to get into it and respond to that stuff.
April said that sometimes she'll tell a guy that his cock is really big and that seems to turn guys on. She'll also say that she's ''so wet'' and that turns them on too.
Howard said he likes to talk dirty in bed too. He said Beth cut him off from talking dirty though. She's not into that stuff. Howard said he doesn't want to do anything to offend her but he likes that kind of dirty talk.
Howard heard that something happened with April and some girls. She took a bath with some friends. April said they sat together washing each other's hair in the tub. She said that her friends asked her to get into the tub and told her that it was normal. She said it was a roommate and a friend who has lovely cans. She said she remembers doing that in 6th grade so it seemed normal to her.
April said that they were fully nude and it was no big deal since they're all girls. She said that it was like sitting in a luge. April said that one of the girls got out and the other one stayed and they did some boob washing. She said that she did the soapy rub down of her boobs.
April said she got kind of nervous about the whole thing and got out. April said that the other girl didn't move to her puss. She said that's where she draws the line. Howard said he'd like to see Robin's titties get washed. Howard asked April if the girl kissed her neck. She said she didn't and she has no interest in the puss.
Howard read another story about April. She hooked up with a comedian out in Vegas and he was too coked up to get a hard on. The guy fell asleep and he woke her up in the middle of the night so he could go down there to fuck a hooker.
April said that they tried for a long time to get his penis hard but it wasn't working. She said that hurt her. She said that she may not have been his kind of lady either.
April said that she was kind of tired and she gave him her hotel room key. He had told her that he had a couple of friends that needed a room. She went down to the room to get her money and stuff and he told her to come back in 5 minutes. She said the guy came out followed by a middle aged hooker. The guy sent her a text the next day and told her that they could talk about it later on.
Howard said that April won the Hottest Comedian contest and Artie said that he wanted her to open up for her. April said that Artie never called her to come in and do the gig. Artie said he heard from Teddy that she didn't call him back. April said there was no call. She said that she wasn't angry about it.
Howard said that April hooked up with a Los Angeles Lakers player. She said she did and it was pretty exciting. She said that she was at a part in Cabo and there were a lot of celebrities there. She said that she made out with the guy and he kept asking her to suck on his tongue. She told him that she'd rather suck on his wiener than on his tongue. She said that he kind of blew it with the tongue thing because she wasn't into that.
Howard gave April some plugs for some appearances she was making at a few places around the country. She's all over the place. April said she's going over to Korea soon to entertain the troops too. Artie said he should have brought chicks like April with him to Afghanistan when he went over there. He brought a bunch of dudes with him and that was probably a mistake.
April told Howard that Mitch waxes his whole body and he also had her put eye shadow on his head to cover up the balding spots. Howard said he wouldn't have his woman do that kind of stuff. April said that she was very serious with him and she would help him do stuff like that.
Gary told Howard that Mitch was still on the phone so he could talk to him about this stuff. Howard got Mitch back on the line and asked about getting his whole body waxed. Mitch said he gets his eyebrows waxed and his shoulders waxed.
Howard asked about his head getting painted too. Mitch said that wasn't true but he broke down and said that she may have done that for him a couple of times.
Mitch also sleeps sitting up so he doesn't mess up his painted head. Mitch said that April is just as vain as he is. Robin and April said that she's a girl, of course she's vain.
Mitch said that he doesn't do the shadow on his head anymore. He said he goes all natural now. Howard said he'd put Mitch back on hold. He wrapped up with April after that. He gave her some more plugs but Artie wanted to guess who the guy was out in Vegas that she fucked. He gave up on that when she told him some details about who he might be. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and sang a little Mr. Crowley with Artie. Artie thanked Fred for playing that song. Howard moved on to the next thing they were doing. Sal was in the studio with Sarah Haeussler who was on the show the other day for the World's Strongest Naked Woman contest. They also had Britney Stevens in there. She's a porn star.
Howard played some audio of Britney doing her thing in a ''Face Fucking'' movie. Sarah was grossed out by what she was hearing.
Howard said that they asked the girls in because they had asked them some basic knowledge questions and they wanted to test all three of them to see who was the smartest.
Howard said that Britney has been on the show before and she said that the hardest thing she had ever done was double anal. Sarah was grossed out by that and said that she's never done anal at all.
Howard asked Britney about how the double anal worked. She said that it was tested off camera and then they did it on camera and it was no problem at all. Britney said that she was asked to try it out and if it worked then they went with it. She said she did it just the one time and that was it.
Howard said that Britney's favorite curse word is the N-word. She wasn't even sure what the N-word was. Howard asked Sarah if she knew what that word was. Sarah said there are a lot of N-words and one was ''No.''
Sal told the girls that the hint was that she wears beads behind her ears. Robin told Sal he's an idiot. Sal said it was just a hint because she's the only one in the studio.
Howard said that the girls are playing for some cash today. He said that he has some money for them if they won. He said that it's not a ton of money though. It's just $500 and a $500 gift card from Steven Singer Jewelers. Sal is playing for the chance for his kids to come in and meet KISS when they come in. Howard asked if they really want that. Sal said they love KISS just like he does. Howard said they like them because he likes them. Britney said that she was in a party bus with KISS one time.
Howard asked Sarah what she does to make a living. She said she has some guys who take care of her. She said she just lives.
Howard moved on to the game and asked the guys who they think will win. Robin said she would hope that Sal knows something and wins.
Howard asked Britney the first question. If she didn't get it they moved on to the next person. Here are the questions and who was able to answer the questions:
During the game Sal told the girls that they were stupid. He was feeling extra smart today. Howard also gave Britney a plug for her Twitter feed which is at Twitter.com/xBritneystevens. Toward the end of the game Sal offered to give the girls some points if they got one right. He said that they had to take their clothes off too if they lost.
Sal and Sarah had to strip down after the Nelson Mandella question. Sal saw Sarah tucking something in when she took her pants off. He figured that she was on the rag. Sal had to take his pants off too. He didn't like that the hot chicks were going to see his ant eater. Sarah was grossed out by his penis. It sounded like she had never seen an uncircumcised penis.
Howard gave Britney $711 courtesy of 7-Eleven. Sarah won $500 and a $550 gift card to Steven Singer Jewelers. Howard gave the girls some plugs and said you can find out more about ExoticaExpo.com.
Sarah grabbed Sal's cock and he kept telling her to stop it because he was married. Howard asked the girls if they had ever seen an uncircumcised man before. Britney had but Sarah said it was a lot of skin.
Howard said that Sarah's web site will be up next week and that will be at SarahApril.com
Sal showed Sarah some of the designs he can make with his penis. He showed her the chisel and the baby bird. She was grossed out. She told him to get it really hard so she could see what that looked like.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Sarah is gold. Another caller said that she's a fuckin retard. He said it was torture hearing her this morning. The caller said that it was a red letter day for Sal. Sal had no idea what the ''red letter'' reference was. Howard never explained it, he just ended the segment and went to break.
Howard came back and said he was listening to the Intern show last night. He said Steve does a good job but he didn't give the interns much of a chance to talk. He said that Steve was trying to get his point across about these cougars that are coming out of the woodwork lately. Steve was explaining how a cougar used to be a hot, older chick but now any older chick that wants to fuck a younger guy is ugly.
Howard said Ass Napkin Ed called in and said he had a cougar and got ''all three holes'' on that 66 year old woman.
Howard said that Jay Thomas was going to be coming in soon. He took a call from a woman who said that she liked Howard's belch. She said that she had her SIRIUS turned off for a while and she just had it turned back on. Howard cut her off and said that she's rambling on. Howard said he might have to cut her off. Howard asked the guys if they were bored and everyone was. Benjy was the only one who wanted to hear what her point was.
The woman said that she married someone 20 years older and she knows just how Howard feels about Beth leaving him for a month. She was also saying that she likes Robin's broad shoulders. Howard had to cut her off because she was just going on and on. Howard said he was trying to be gracious but he had to stop that call. He said that she wanted to weigh in on why Beth was away for a month. Howard said he rarely reads the notes on the screen but that's what she claimed she wanted to talk about.
Ham Hands Bill called in and asked Howard why he doesn't have Beth send him her panties so he can sniff them to get off. Howard said he's not into that. He said Bill might like that but he doesn't have any desire to do that.
Bill asked Robin if she kissed any dick this summer. Robin said that she didn't. Robin said that she didn't suck any dick but that's as much as she's going to tell them.
Jay said that his wife watches shows like ''Clean that House'' and things like that. He said that she'll watch that show like every night.
Howard and Jay talked about how the sitcoms have been killed because of the reality shows out there. Jay said it's just a really odd time right now. There are a lot of independent films going on and there's no money out there. He said that there's a movie called ''Big Fan'' out that only cost $300,000 to make.
Howard asked Jay about the kind of money he was making on Mork and Mindy. Jay said he was making like 10 grand a week doing that. He said they had a big time doing that. He said that when they want to fire you from a show like that they cut your salary and the amount of lines you get.
Jay said he did shows like The Love Boat and things like that while he was out there. Howard said he used to tune in to watch him because Jay was a radio guy who got on a sitcom. He said he was like a hero to him.
Jay said he was asked to do the Love Boat episode and he went over to Maureen McCormick's house to go through some lines. He said that she came out in short shorts but there was nothing else going on. He said that she was in an apartment in little short shorts. He said that Maureen's character died on that episode. He said that they went back to the studio to introduce everyone and when they got to the handsome, architect they mentioned his name and he thinks that they got it wrong when they cast him for that part.
Jay said he had to kiss Maureen in the scene. He said after they did that they had to run up to this room and hide until they say ''cut.'' He said that Maureen yelled at him not to touch her in that dark room. He wasn't going to do anything to her and he's not sure what he did wrong. Jay said he was just doing the scene and that was it.
Jay said he got to kiss Sarah Jessica Parker in a scene one time. He told Howard about that and how he pulled her head into his and kissed her. He said that at lunch time she was acting like he was that character and not talking to him. Jay said he doesn't understand that. He said that she wouldn't even eat lunch with him.
Howard said he thinks that Jay is a good looking guy. Jay said that maybe he's a bit over bearing or something. He might look kind of shifty too.
Howard said that Jay was about to tell a story about hitting on someone. Jay said that he didn't remember her name but he did hit on this woman and she ended up marrying Clint Black. That was Lisa Hartman. Howard said that she was hot. Jay said he wanted to hit on her and she had this really hot car at the time. He said he leaned on her car and asked her how it was going. She asked him to get his hands off her car because he was getting his finger marks on it. Jay said that Lisa ended up with that Barry Bostwick guy.
Howard asked Jay if he was happy when he met his wife. Jay said that he usually only hit on townies and he would hit on the secretaries at the places he worked at. Jay said that he would hit on chicks in the building and they'd be screwing by the time the news came on the radio stations.
Jay said he was doing chicks when he was there in New York at 99X. Jay said he had about 5 minutes to do it and he would get it done in that time. Jay said it was usually a woman who had to do the traffic or the logs or something. Jay said everyone knew what he was doing. He got caught when this one chick left a mark on the desk that he was doing it on.
Jay said he had a lot of chicks. He said eventually it got to him. Howard said that he never had the chance to do that kind of thing but that's what people figured his life was like.
Jay told a story about meeting a really tall Korean Olympic swimmer when he was out. He said that being kind of famous is like being a chick with big tits when you walk into a bar. He said that he could walk in and get laid pretty much no problem. Jay said that the whole thing is stupid because women who didn't know him when they met him were ready to bang him that night because someone else had recognized him.
Jay said that everyone was adorable that he was with. He said there was a line of offices at this one place that he was moving in and out of. He was a very busy bee pollinating everyone in the place.
Jay said that he kept relationships going for years and years. He said that he'd even go to these chick's weddings and stuff.
Howard asked Jay about staying up late because he heard that he was out late. Jay said he was out until 2 in the morning last night. He doesn't have a problem doing that though.
Howard told Jay that he got a call from Steve Martin the other night and asked him if he wanted to go out. Howard said Jay would just go if that was him. Howard said that he would end up being sick and he had to turn down the offer from Steve. He said he's obsessed with his show and he has to be prepared and have plenty of sleep.
Jay told Howard he's stupid and he should just live and go out when something like that comes up. Howard said he still thinks that he has to prepare for the show. He told him to just come home at 9 or something. Howard said he'd still wake up tired.
Howard asked who Jay was out with last night. Jay said he was out with people from his show. He doesn't get to see them that much. Jay said he was out with a bunch of people last night and he turned them into 1 hour stints with each of them.
Howard said he should go out with Jay the next time he's in town. Howard said he should have gone out with Steve Martin too. Howard said he thinks that Steve is brilliant. Jay asked why he does those Pink Panther movies. He said they're embarrassing. Howard said Steve wants to act so that's why he does those.
Jay said that Kelsey Grammer is doing a TV show and they asked him if he wanted to play the part of his best friend. He said that he had the part and all he had to do was go in and meet Kelsey and the director. Jay said he rearranged his schedule and went in to meet the guys. He said that there were like 40 people there to audition. He said he went in and did his thing and his manager called and said that he wasn't the right height and weight for the part. Jay said he shouldn't have gone out of his way to meet with them. He said he's not sure why he went in to do that.
Howard brought up this movie ''Snatched'' that Jay did. Jay said it's really good. He said it's about this guy who has an operation to have something removed but he ends up with a vagina. Jay said that Andrew McCarthy played that part and it hit him one day that he was in this movie playing that part. Jay said that everyone laughs at the premise and he hopes that the movie turns out that good.
Howard said that he will go to see the movie when it comes out. Jay asked Howard if he ever goes out to see a movie with people. Howard said he does that once in a while. That led to him talking about going down to the Warner Brothers screening room and how the cops weren't letting him through.
Jay asked Howard how long he's going to keep the long hair. Howard said he'll do it as long as it stays on top of his head. Jay said Howard looks a little odd with the hair like that. Jay said it's a little bit like the old rock stars that still try to have that long hair look. Howard said he might be right about that.
Howard said he has shortened his hair a lot. He said he thinks it's appropriately short though. Jay asked if he has grey hairs. Howard said he does have some but he's not coloring his hair. Howard said he's not sure how long he's going to keep it. It keeps getting shorter and shorter and Beth likes that. He said he's not sure if he'll ever have a regular hair cut though.
Jay asked Howard how his marriage is going. Howard said it's actually going pretty good. He said that she's away for a month right now and he's kind of miserable by himself.
Howard asked Jay about doing a movie with Lindsay Lohan. Jay said it was supposed to be a movie, movie but it turned into a TV movie. Jay told Howard what the movie was about and Howard said it sounded pretty horrible. Jay told Howard that there were a lot of paparazzi at the set and he wasn't used to seeing them. He said that they have their own territories. He said that some of these guys would raise their cameras up and when they saw him they'd put their cameras down. Jay said that he was actually trying to get into the pictures that they were taking of Lindsay.
Jay said that Lindsay probably didn't even know his name on the set. He said that they knocked on his door one day and asked him if he wanted to come down and have cake on her birthday. Jay said that he wasn't going to go but then he saw everyone on set in front of her door. He said he wished her a happy birthday like he had given her the cake because it was right in front of her.
Jay said that these Armenian guys who were taking the pictures were pissing him off. He said that the Armenians had just lost a soccer game to the Turkish guys so he went up to the Paparazzi guys and told them that they had just won the big game, mistaking them for the Turkish guys. He said he almost started a riot when he did that. He said it was a great insult to call them Turks.
Howard said it sounds like everything is going just about the way it always has for Jay. Jay said that it's mediocre as usual.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and went off on Jay about his comments about Howard's hair. She told Howard to keep his hair and not listen to anyone about it. Howard said that hair isn't going anywhere. Howard said he needs to cover up his face with that hair so he will be keeping it.
Ralph called in and said that this show is a good show. He said that maybe if Jay got some sleep he wouldn't be coughing every few minutes. Jay said he was right about that. He said he didn't even know he was doing anything with his voice. Howard said he was clearing his voice quite a bit.
Jay said it's not like he's hurting himself staying up late. He said he and Artie could have a good time going out. Artie said that he could do that but he's not the lead guy on the show so he can get away with that.
Howard gave Jay some plugs for his show and mentioned that he's on Friday mornings on Howard 101. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and got right to Mike Walker. Mike was ready to go with his game. They spent a minute talking about what Mike was up to. Mike said that he was still down in Florida at home staying in the room that's about 35 feet from his house. He said that he and his wife don't sleep in the same bed but they do have sex.
Howard had Mike get to his game so here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Howard said he's no fan of Jay's but he might be buying the line about Jay's show not being expensive to produce and how he's doing okay for a low cost show. He said that some of the other shows like ''Eastwick'' didn't do all that well with their ratings and that has to be an expensive show to produce.
Steve said that Jay's first line on his show was an awful joke about Sarah Palin saying that the leaves dying in Autumn were because of Obama's health plan. He said it was just awful.
Steve said that they got a call from the head of the school that Robin is going to be donating her winnings from Celebrity Jeopardy to. That man told Lisa G that he was very thankful to Robin for that.
The guys talked more about Jay Leno's show and how NBC will never be able to syndicate that show like other networks do with other shows.
Steve said that Eric the Midget might be done with the show. EH's having health problems and he's been told by his doctor not to go to have sex or get too worked up about things. Robin said he was missing Eric's calls and wondered where he was. Howard said he saw Eric was on the phone earlier in the morning but he didn't have time to pick up on him.
Steve said that Underdog Lady is going to be celebrating the 45th anniversary of the Underdog Cartoon this weekend at a special event.
Howard said that Bubba left the guys with a cliffhanger yesterday when he said that he might be done with terrestrial radio. Howard said he's not sure what that's about but it didn't take long for him to make that decision.
Howard went to Jon Hein who had his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran through his list of subjects for today's show. Vinnie Favale called in after that from what sounded like a radio active area. His phone was all static. Vinnie was explaining why shows like CSI and that work better for networks than Jay's show will. Howard had to let Vinnie go because of his awful phone connection. Howard said he must have an AT&T phone. Howard said he never had that problem when he was on Sprint. He said he was on the phone yesterday and it dropped out like 15 times. Howard said he loves his Blackberry but he has to carry another phone to make phone calls.
Howard had Mutt from Superfan Roundtable on the phone. Mutt said that they're going to be talking to Tim Sabean tonight and taking calls from fans. They're also going to talk about JD the program director about canceling Ronnie's show.
Ralph called in to promote the Geek Show that he and Jon Hein are doing on Saturday (at 2pm) but he never got the full plug out because Howard asked who told him to call in. Ralph said he made himself call in and then said that he didn't want to bug him so he just hung up.
Robin asked if Howard has an iPod. Howard said he is almost completely with SIRIUS lately so he doesn't pick his own music to listen to. Artie said he likes that too but he does like having the option. Howard said he loves SIRIUS. He said his job is almost perfect until Scott Greenstein asks to meet with him. Howard said that's when things go wrong. He said he loves Scott but he has no desire to meet with him.
Howard and Robin ended up talking about how JD had fired Ronnie and Ronnie was on the Wrap Up Show talking about it yesterday. They talked about how upset Ronnie was about the whole thing. Howard said that he was the one who gave Ronnie the show and he didn't take it away from him. He said that JD was the one who took it away. Howard said that JD took Ronnie's show away and that's the end of the sentence. Howard said he gave Ronnie the show.
Howard asked JD why he's going around telling people that he made him take the show off the air. JD said he didn't say that exactly. JD told Howard to calm down. He said that Ronnie is upset because they had a sponsor lined up for the show and they're not going to bring it back.
Howard told JD that he didn't take the show off the air. He said that it was all JD. Ronnie came in and told JD that he had done enough already so he didn't want him talking about it anymore. Howard told JD he had the ultimate power and he took the show away.
Ronnie said they lost a sponsor because they pulled the show. Ronnie said that as far as he's concerned JD doesn't work there anymore. Howard told Ronnie that he can't be security there if he isn't going to take care of JD. Ronnie said that he's not taking care of the guy anymore. He said that he can call someone else to take care of him. Ronnie said that he's not taking care of JD anymore.
Ronnie said that Chuck Zito had some things to say to JD yesterday but JD didn't stick around to talk to him on the Wrap Up Show. Ronnie said that JD seems to think that they have to do everything funny on their channels but even Chuck said that his show isn't funny. JD said that it is funny at times.
Jeff the Drunk called in and said that he's been on hold all fucking week and Howard didn't pick up on him once. Howard said that happens sometimes. Howard said Jeff calls in all the time and he's not sure why he thinks he should pick up on him.
Jeff said he called in asking what Howard's favorite cartoon was. Artie said ''Bye!'' Howard said he can't believe that he didn't pick up for that. Artie did his impression of Jeff asking what his favorite color was and things like that. Jeff said he wasn't going to ask about that. Jeff said that Artie's impression wasn't funny. Howard said that's Jeff the Drunk Jr., not Artie.
Howard let Jeff go. Jeff told him to have a nice weekend and vacation. Howard said he likes Jeff but he can't pick up on him all the time. He said they have other stuff to get to and he can't always go to him on the phone.
Robin read about Richard Hatch, from Survivor, going back to jail for talking about some stuff on some shows that he was on when he was given an early release. Howard said you have to listen to your parole officer when you get out of jail. They say that he can't get out until October 16th now. Hatch was locked up on tax evasion charges.
Robin read some news about Muammar Gaddafi and how people were protesting that he was in the country. Robin had some audio of some people talking about that. Howard and the guys talked about that stuff for a few minutes.
Robin read about a dog fighting ring that was taken down in Chicago. The ring was broken up in a day care center out there.
Robin read some news about the NY Nets having a new owner in the mix. She had some news about the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.
Robin had some news about a Kentucky census worker who was hanged and carved with the letters ''FED'' on him. Robin said that the guy was found in a national forest. Robin said that the body was seen by a family visiting a cemetery.
Robin said that Joe Francis has pleaded guilty to filing false tax return forms. He also bribed guards to bring him food when he was in jail Joe faced a 10 year prison sentence but settled with the plea deal instead.
Robin said there's a guy who is going to be executed tonight. She said that he ordered his last meal which was a cheeseburger, fried chicken, pork chops, bacon, French fries, 2 Coca Colas and an apple cobbler. Howard said he's probably have some pasta or something. Artie asked Howard what he would have if he wanted his favorite of all time. Howard said he would eat Italian food. Pasta, seafood, chicken parm, a big plate of pasta and stuff like that. Artie said that is great. Howard said he'd also have some wine in there.
Robin read that Marilyn Manson has the swine flu or the H1N1 virus. Robin said that he said that ''unfortunately, it's not going to kill me.'' Howard liked that quote.
Howard told Robin that he wants her to take his meeting with Scott Greenstein today. Robin said there's no way that's happening. Howard said he'd buy her another bottle of $800 wine if she does. Robin wasn't taking the deals though.
Robin read about how many people are using social media at least once a month now. She said that companies are using them as ways to promote their products too.
Howard said he loves looking at people's pictures on those social web sites. Howard said he loves to look at hot chicks and their families. Howard said he doesn't want to meet anyone but he feels like he has a life when he's on those sites. Howard said he even likes reading those Mike Gange posts.
Robin said that they've found that there is water on the Moon. They say that the water may actually be moving around on the surface with the dust.
Robin read some news about Mackenzie Phillips going around and talking about her affair with her father. She had some audio from the Oprah interview she did.
Ralph called in and said that he's confused. He said that Howard is telling him that he has to work on something to promote but then he calls in to promote something and he gives him shit. Howard said he wasn't giving him shit, he had like 30 guys in there promoting something and it was like one big commercial. He said he wasn't upset with him. Howard said he has a bunch of meetings to go to and he wanted to get the show done.
Robin read about the John Travolta court case down in the Bahamas. Robin said that John and his wife had to go through the whole story again.
Howard said that someone made up a picture of JD as the ''Great Mumbleini'' that they've put on HowardStern.com.
Robin read about this guy who has come out claiming to be Jaycee Dugard's biological father. He just came out of nowhere claiming he was her father.
Robin read some news about the Kennedy family endorsing some guy to take over for Ted since he died.
Howard said that Jim Breuer has a new sitcom deal and they're crediting the show with helping him get that deal. Howard said he's happy for Jim now that he's getting all of these deals.
Howard said that Dr. Drew Pinsky has come out saying that he knew about the abuse that Mackenzie Phillips is talking about.
Robin brought up the case where this guy killed a Yale student and shoved her into a wall. She had some audio of a girl talking about dating the guy and how abusive he was toward her.
Robin read about this woman who paid a ridiculous amount of money to have dinner with Sarah Palin. She had some news about Chris Brown teaming up with a DJ to create some new music. Robin had some of that music for Howard to play. Howard played about a second of that before cutting it off.
Robin read some news about Howard K. Stern and how he's pleading not guilty about some drug charges that have been brought against him.
Robin had some news about Naomi Judd battling Hepatitis C. Robin had some audio of her talking about that.
Robin had a story about Britney Spears putting out a collection of her singles. Robin said that Madonna is doing the same with her hit singles. Britney claims she's putting out a regular set and an ''ultimate'' set that has all of her hits. Howard played about 2 seconds of one of her songs before cutting it off. That was it for Robin's news so Howard ended the show around 10:30am.
Gary said that the women didn't know the simplest of questions. Jon said they really didn't know the current events. He said that he and Steve Brandano were talking about how some people might think they're putting this on but they're really not.
Gary said that there are people who thought that Miss Howard Stern, Andrea, has to be putting it on to be that dumb. Gary said that she wasn't putting it on when she wasn't able to answer easy questions. Jon said that Sal was showing off how brilliant he was after that win.
Jon said that Robin has been through the weight loss thing and she was kind of treating Scott poorly. He said that Scott is doing fine with that diet of his and Robin was talking down to him because he didn't do it the way she did it.
Benjy said that Robin was saying that it might not be healthy the way he's losing the weight. The caller said that it doesn't matter how you do it as long as you have a positive life.
Gary said sometimes Howard pokes at Robin and it really gets to her. He said that's what Howard was doing today when he read the story about how the beads don't work.
Jon said that Robin was also talking about how good Tim Sabean looks compared to Scott. Jon said that the guys disagreed with her about Tim looking better than Scott. Gary said that neither of them have toned up.
Benjy said he thinks that Robin said the same thing about Lisa G and how she could look better if she ate right. Benjy said that they're all failures in Robin's eyes.
The caller also said that Robin is out of her mind and he loves that they call her out on that stuff. Gary said that they goof on her about that because Robin goofs on them about stuff too. Gary said that Robin gets mad at them for doing that though.
Gary wondered if Gary should be allowed to come in there and preach to them about becoming a born again Christian if he were to do that some day. Jon said that he would probably do that. Gary said that he probably wouldn't last long if he did.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks that Robin is so excited about curing herself that she wants to let everyone know. He said she might be pushing it too much though. He said she's kind of psycho about the whole thing.
Gary said he thought that one of the girls would have been able to answer the Ted Kennedy question today. He said that Sal probably wouldn't have known some of those answers if he didn't work there. He said that they spent the whole show talking about current events so that's why Sal had the advantage.
Jon had Ted play some audio from the game where the girls weren't able to answer a question about who wrote Tom Sawyer. Sal had said it was Rush that wrote the song. He didn't hear the word ''book'' while that was going on.
After the clip Sal said that Sarah had his attention during that question and he didn't know that Howard had said ''book.'' Sal's other answer was ''Eli Weiss'' for that question but he didn't even know who that was. He said that he may have confused that name with someone else.
Jon asked Sal if he's feeling good today. Sal said he can't really celebrate this win because that would be like Bruce Jenner winning in the Special Olympics. Sal said he's really happy that he won the chance for his kids to meet KISS. He said that means a lot to him.
Sal said he really does learn all of his current events through the show so Gary was right about that. He said that the girls should have been able to answer some of those questions though.
Gary asked Sal if he knows where South Africa is and if it's a country or a continent. Sal said he's heard some songs where they sing about that stuff and he's not sure what the answer is. He said he thought it was a country but it might be a continent. He said that maybe South Africa is a country. He said he's very confused.
Jon asked Sal what countries are in North America. Sal said that North America is America. The United States of America. Jon said that there might be another country in North America. Sal said that Iceland or Greenland might be north of us. Sal eventually realized that Canada is right above us.
Gary asked Sal what's below Texas. Sal said that South America is down there. Gary said that there's a country down there too. Sal didn't know. He said that Mexico is south of California but he wasn't sure what was south of Texas. Sal said he's not proud of this but he's terrible with geography.
Gary said that there is only one country below us to the south. Sal had no clue that Mexico went the whole border of our country to the south. Sal asked if it was China or Japan. Gary said that he was blown away by this.
Jon and Gary tried to give Sal some clues but Sal still had no idea that it was Mexico. Gary told Sal that many people come to this country from that country and people complain about it. Sal said that it was Mexicans. He said he had said that earlier. Gary said that he didn't say that though. He said that Mexico was below California.
Sal said he was very close. He said he didn't know Mexico was below Texas. He said he knows more about the wars and stuff now. Gary told him that North America is a continent that consists of Canada, The United States of America and Mexico.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he has a masters in geography so it pains him to hear this. Sal said he's sorry about that but he thinks that he's done with this and he doesn't need to know that information. The caller said that the only reason Sal seems to know the country is through racism.
Gary asked Sal what continent they were eon when they were in Amsterdam. Sal said they were in Europe and they were close to France and Italy. Jon said that he kind of knows it but not quite. Sal said that maps are boring to him and he can't look at them because of that. Sal said he hates reading maps because they're so confusing.
Gary asked how he made his way through school. Sal said he failed a lot of classes and he would have to go to summer school to pass. He said that he would get the answers for the tests and pass that way.
Gary asked Sal what he thinks Britney Stevens would be doing if she didn't do porn. Sal said she's probably be taking orders at Taco Bell. Gary said that she might not be able to hold a regular job at an office or something. Jon said that's a hard question to answer.
Jon and Gary went through some other basic questions that they had in school. They figured out that none of them were really all that smart.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he thinks that it's shtick when Sal does this stuff. Sal said he's really not and that's kind of offensive to him. He said that he really doesn't know this stuff.
Gary said he doesn't think that Sal is making this stuff up at all. He said Sal gets nervous on the air so that might have something to do with that. He also said that he might do better if he took a written test off the air.
Sal said if he wanted to shtick the stupidity he could have made up answers to those questions today. He said he didn't do that.
Gary told Sal that he used the word ''Encumbered'' when he was talking about Sarah. Gary said that was probably the opposite of what he wanted to say about her. Sal thought it was close but Jon told him ''No... no... no...''
Another caller said that he can't believe that Sal doesn't know Canada and Mexico border our countries. Sal said he had never been to Texas so he didn't know that they bordered the country. The caller said that first graders know that kind of stuff.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Michael Moore was right about how we're producing a lot of functional illiterates in this country. He said that Jon and Gary were wrong about telling Sal that there's a ''Central America'' continent. They never did say that, it was Benjy who told Sal there was ''another America'' out there.
Gary said that Sal doesn't need to know all of this information but it helps you understand where places are when you're reading an article. Benjy said that Einstein once said that you don't need to know all of this stuff and you shouldn't waste your time learning it. Gary said that's coming from one of the smartest guys in history though.
Another caller said he wanted to defend Sal but now he's not sure what to say. He said that Sarah was perfect on the show and she's awesome. He said that they have to put her in a room with people who are intelligent enough to know that they're being insulted by her. He thought that Britney didn't know that Sarah was insulting her.
Gary said he thought that Britney did know that she was being insulted. Gary said she's really a nice girl and didn't want to throw jokes aback at her. She did say a couple of things though.
Sal said that Sarah knows how to mix it up with people. He said that she might be a great evaluator because she's so brutally honest.
Benjy said that they always say that they have beautiful girls in there but he thinks that Sarah has a stunningly beautiful face. Gary said she's cute but he wouldn't say she's stunning. Benjy thought she was.
Another caller said that a stockbroker should have more knowledge of the world. Sal said he did fine on the tests he took to be a stock broker. He said those tests have nothing to do with history or geography. He said when he doesn't have an interest in something then he just shuts it down completely.
Gary said that the tests for becoming a stock broker are 90 percent intelligence and 10 percent street smarts. He said that when you actually sit at the desk it's 90 percent street smarts and 10 percent intelligence.
A caller asked Sal about reading maps and Sal said he gets completely confused by something like the subway maps in the city. He said that he has a lot of trouble with all of that.
Jon asked Sal how he found his way to places before things like Mapquest came about. Sal said he made his own map and he would take like 2 pages of notes. He said that at every toll booth he would ask the toll taker if he was on the right route.
A caller asked Sal where Alaska is. Sal said that it's probably north east. Gary asked him what state it borders. Sal said Alaska is north. He said that Iceland and Greenland are north and they're cold. Sal said that it must be close to New York. He said it might be above Canada or to the right of Canada.
Gary asked Sal if Alaska is connected to the United States. Sal said he didn't know. Gary said that they sometimes refer to the United States as the Lower 48. Sal said that he knows that Hawaii and Alaska are the other two that aren't in the 48.
Gary asked Sal what country Alaska borders that isn't Canada. Jon said that it doesn't border it directly. Sal got those hints and knew that it was Russia.
The guys were also talking about how Sarah Palin once said that Africa was a country. Gary said he can't believe that they wanted to make her vice president when she didn't even know that. Benjy wasn't sure that was that big of a deal. They had to go to break after that.
Sal said that he loves piss videos but he doesn't want to get pissed on. Sal said it's really sick shit but he wanted to meet those guys.
Gary asked what Sal would do if Sarah wanted to pee on his face. Sal said that he wouldn't enjoy having her pee on him but he would like to see her vagina from that angle. He said if Richard peed on her then that would be something he'd enjoy.
Sal said that meeting KISS is going to mean a lot to his kids. Gary said it only means a lot to them because it means a lot to Sal. Sal said that he has influenced them to like them but they do like the band.
Sal said that his kids like to pretend to be KISS and he's really not obsessed with them. He said that he is excited that they're coming in though.
Gary asked if the kids are going to be upset that Gene and Paul won't be in make up. Sal said they know what they look like so they're going to be fine. He said that he's not going to tell them that day what's going on either.
Gary said that would be great if the kids came in and asked ''who is that?'' Sal said that his kids are 10, 7 and 5 and he's going to bring all three in to meet the band. They all love KISS.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Gary about how quickly Sal would have taken a blow job from that chick Sarah today. Sal said it wouldn't have taken much.
Another caller told Sal not to help his kids with their homework. Sal said he ends up going on google a lot to help them out with that stuff.
The caller asked Sal if Richard came running in when he was naked today. Sal said he was hoping he would but he never did.
Gary said that the two girls both had the reaction of ''Ew!'' when they saw his penis today. Sal said that's why he started doing the tricks with his penis. Sal said those reactions really hurt so that's why he has to do those penis tricks. Gary asked him why he put him in that situation where he had to get naked. Sal thought he was going to get the question right so he didn't think he'd have to do it.
Another caller said that Sal's kids probably know more than he does. Sal said he does help his kids but he has to use Google to help. Sal said that he did teach his son how to learn something by writing them down over and over again.
Gary asked Sal to bring in that test that his son took so they can see how he would do on the test. Sal said he'll bring it in. Sal asked if he can study for the test. Gary told him not to, he's 40 years old so he should know this stuff already.
Sal swore that he wouldn't look at the test. Gary told him to just fold it up and bring it in without looking at it.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked what he and Sal talk about when they drive home. Jon said they just bullshit like two friends. They don't talk about geography and stuff.
The guy said that a lot of a kid's education comes from your parents and Sal's kids aren't getting any of that stuff. Sal said he thinks he has enough knowledge to get by in every day life.
Jon said that Sal might not be the smartest guy but he is a good person and he cares about his family a lot. He said he doesn't mind giving him a ride or anything like that. He said that they do have a lot to talk about and people would be surprised by what they do talk about.
Gary asked Sal if he thinks that people think less of him for not knowing this stuff. Sal said that he doesn't just do enough to get by and he has worked hard to get where he's at now. Gary asked him if he thinks that people who don't know him will think less of him though. Sal said they probably do but not everyone is a genius and he doesn't judge them. He said it all depends on the person. He said that we all have a purpose. He said that Sarah may not be there to talk about geography or anything but she's probably good for something else.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked if Sal got a boner at all when that chick was trying to touch his cock. Gary said that Sal was cupping his balls and he thought that he did have a boner but he took his hands off and it wasn't a boner. Sal said his penis looks normal when he's hard. Gary said he doesn't need to see that. They had to end the show a short time later.
Today's Best of the Week was over around 11:20am.