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Howard started the show talking about how one of his fantasies is to go back into the studio and re-record the song that he and Rob Zombie did for ''Private Parts.'' The same song that opens the show. Robin said he's mentioned that before.
Howard said Artie was out again. He said he feels he should make some sort of statement but he's not sure if he'd be offending Artie. He said he has to say something. Howard said he's been thinking about it all weekend. He said he hopes he says the right thing.
Howard said last week Artie didn't look too good. He said that a lot of people were concerned about him. He said that he doesn't look over at him much but some other people said that he wasn't looking so good. Howard said management told him to take some time off and relax and get some help if he needed it. Howard said he's not sure what his problem is but his family was concerned. He said that Artie is taking some time to do something or management has forced him to take some time. He said he's not sure what the deal is. He said he doesn't think Artie is going to be there this week at all but he's not even sure about that.
Howard said he didn't hear from Artie this weekend. He thinks he's doing okay but he's not sure since he hasn't spoken to him. He said he really doesn't know what to say.
Howard said the deal is that he doesn't know for sure what's going on. He thinks that he's not going to be there this week at all but he doesn't know that for sure. Robin said he's giving them a lot of double speak there.
Howard said he'd rather let Artie come in and tell his story instead of telling it for him. Howard said maybe management should give him some time off too. He said he doesn't look good either. Robin said everyone was a wreck last week.
Howard said he got really pissed last night and called the woman back with *69. Howard said Beth has asked her not to call that number a few times. Howard said that he did the *69 and got a message saying that her number doesn't accept personal numbers. Howard said he got the woman on the phone eventually and asked her if she was pranking him. Howard said he asked if she was doing prank calls or something. He said he was going to call the police if she called again.
Howard said this woman was calling twice a day and disrupting their house. She told him that she wasn't a bad person or anything. Howard said that she was dialing the wrong number like 4 times a day. Howard said she asked for his number even though she kept calling it. Howard said she was trying to call her son. Howard told her that she was getting nervous and her hands were shaking. Howard said she as upset and said that she was 80 years old. Howard said that he asked her to tell him the number she was calling and she was having problems getting it out.
Howard said the woman said it was a 646 number and she was doing it from memory. Howard told her to write it down and try dialing it from the paper. She wasn't able to find the paper because she was too nervous.
Howard said he told the woman that she had to stop calling his number or he'd call the police. She told him that she was a good woman and she wasn't doing this on purpose. Howard said he's not sure if she is a good person or not, he just wants her to stop. He said she wanted to keep talking and he said he just had to go. Howard told her not to call anymore because she was disrupting the household. He warned her not to call again because he'd call the cops.
Howard said he can hit a button on his phone so no calls can get through but he's not looking to do that. He said he needs to let his kids get through.
Howard said that at the end of the show, the first night, they give you a preview of what's going to be going on and all of the women look like they're crazy. Howard said the guy might be nuts too. He said at one point the guy refuses to talk to the camera. It looks like one of the girls has an affair with one of the crew on the show too. He said it looks like it's going to be really good. Howard said he thinks that Robin is going to really like it.
Howard said Snoop Dogg is coming in today and maybe they'll do some Roll Call with him. Howard said that 50 Cent was really bad with that last week. He said he loved that 50 had no idea what Roll Call was though.
Howard asked Benjy how his weekend was since he was getting his breakfast from Jason. Benjy said he slept a lot over the weekend. Howard said he did the same thing. He said that the weather was awful and he went running in it on Saturday. He said it was so cold that he felt his head was going to fall off. He said he has to get out and run to keep in shape.
Robin mentioned that she heard from someone that they tried this Bikram Yoga thing that she's been into lately. Howard said his youngest daughter hates that but one of his other daughters wants to become an instructor. Howard said that his youngest daughter hates the smell and how gross the rooms are that they do it in. Howard said that sweating is good for you but being in an extra hot room can't be good for you. Robin said they keep the room between 90 and 105 degrees.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he has digital cable that lets him block specific numbers. Howard said he doesn't have that but he'd like to. The caller said that he should be able to call the phone company and have them block it.
The caller said that it was good to have Artie back. Howard wondered how he thought he was back. The caller said he thought he heard him talking. Howard said Artie is taking some personal time.
Howard said he thought Gary was really good but then he heard that one of his songs is listening to his iPod so much that he's tuning Gary out. Gary came in and said it was only for 5 minutes and he's listening to an Eminem song that he really likes.
Gary told Howard that he went to a basketball game for his youngest son yesterday and kept score. That's the kind of stuff he does for his sons. Howard said it's easier to be that way with sons than it is for daughters. Gary said that it really is easier to do that. Gary said Jon Hein is busy taking his daughters to plays and stuff.
Howard said that when he fantasized about having a son he thought about how he may have been good for a fat young boy. Howard said he'd like to hang out with him and make him feel better. Howard said that he would have been good at that.
Howard said his daughters are really into girl stuff. He said they used to go see ''Rent'' all the time. Howard said that he'd like something a little masculine in there. He said that his youngest is into running so he can get into that. He said that the real test of fatherhood is doing stuff that you don't like doing. He said he used to have to play ''Chutes and Ladders'' with the kids or even play dolls. He used to play that and ''kitchen.'' He said he did it but one time he had to get high to do it. He said he was just kidding about that.
Gary said that the best moments for him are the drives on the way to events. He said they talk in the car and stuff.
Howard said that this Wolfie thing has questions about who has the worst breath, who is the most disliked, which staff member would most likely sleep with another's wife and things like that. He read some of the questions and Gary said it's not so bad when you hear the question. It's bad when you hear the answers.
Gary said that Wolfie has the answers and there seems to be someone who really dislikes someone on the staff because they put down one person's name for all of the negative questions. They were thinking that it was Scott DePace but Scott told Howard that they weren't even asked to take the survey.
Howard asked Jason why he didn't give the quiz to the TV guys. Jason said Gary told him not to. He said that they were just keeping it to the radio guys. Gary said that they didn't want to bring everyone in because then they get into some names that they're not familiar with. Howard said that was a bad decision. He said he was disappointed about that. Gary apologized for that.
Howard said Gary has made some bad calls lately. He made some last week and now this week too. Howard said the TV guys are the biggest yentas. Howard said Gary has been making some bad decisions and he's not on his game. He said it might be because of his kids. Gary said that he has to leave it up to him or he can micro manage everything there. Howard said he's just making bad decisions lately. He said he might be too busy with the show that he and Jon Hein are working on.
Howard said that keeping score for his kids games might be too much for him. He said he has to concentrate on this job first. Howard said Gary has to stay on top of this stuff. That led to them talking about Howard retiring in a year. Howard said he's really thinking that he doesn't want to do this anymore. That's what he was telling Beth yesterday. He said that Gary can start looking for a new job now and maybe he'll come up with something before he retires.
Howard said he thinks that Gary would still be there in a year if he started looking for a job right now. Robin said she thinks that he could get a job no problem. Robin said she's heard good things about Gary from industry people. Howard said there is no rush for him to make a decision and he's not sure what he's going to do in a year. He said he could end up re-signing but he's not sure it would be another 5 year stretch. He said he just can't do that.
Howard said his agent used to trick him that way and make him sign a long term agreement. He said they wanted to know he was on board. Howard said that he's not sure that the SIRIUS commercial is even running. Robin said they're running it on SIRIUS non-stop. Howard said he doesn't understand that. Fred didn't either. He said that they're advertising to a captured audience. Howard said they're clogging up the service with that stuff.
Robin said they play the commercial there in the lobby all the time too. Howard said he understands that. He said that it gives people pride there. Howard said he'd like someone to tell him why they run those commercials on the channels there though.
Howard asked Gary who could explain to him why they play the audio version of the TV commercial on the service there. Gary said that Tim Sabean was going to come in and explain it. Tim came in and said that it reinforces the visual for the TV commercial. Howard said they're playing it for people who already have the service. Tim said that's correct but they need brand reinforcement and maybe the subscribers will buy for their family or friends. Howard still didn't understand that but thanked Tim for coming in. Howard said the people might like the service better if they didn't run commercials on it. Howard said Tim has an answer for everything. That's why he likes him.
Robin said that Tim did Bikram Yoga over the weekend. Gary said he heard he had to leave after 45 minutes because he almost passed out. Robin said she heard that he stayed the whole time. Tim said that he stayed the whole time but he only did Yoga for 45 of the 90 minutes.
Tim said he though he was going to get carried out on a stretcher. He said that the room smelled and it was like 110 degrees in there.
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Howard brought up the Tiger Woods story and talked about some of the women who have been coming out of the woodwork and saying they slept with him. They were talking about the first woman who came out and how she's not hot anymore. Howard said the pictures they had in the paper made it look like she was a model but she's not looking so good right now.
Howard said he saw a new girl came out and she's a Playboy Playmate. She's claiming that she never slept with him but he gave her diamonds and tried to get her.
Howard said there are more women coming out and saying terrible things about Tiger because they didn't get any money out of him. Howard had audio of 3 different women talking about this whole thing. Howard said that the experts were saying that this would blow over and he would hold on to his sponsorship but now it looks like he's going to lose out on some of them.
Howard got to the caller he had on the line. The guy asked if they really bought into the story they talked about last week with the woman who called in. Howard said he really didn't know but he was buying it when she called in. The caller thought she was a liar and he was yelling at his radio about the whole thing.
The caller mentioned that they did a lot of stuff on Saturday Night Live this week about the whole Tiger Woods thing. Howard said he hasn't seen SNL lately. He said he does watch if there's a hot chick on the show. He said he'll forward through the skits to see the musical guests and sometimes to watch Keenan Thompson but that's about it.
Howard read a little bit about this Playboy model who has come out with Tiger Woods stories. He read about a sponsor that has dropped Tiger since all of this came out. They paid him $10-15 million a year. They're the first ones to drop him since all of this came out. Howard wondered if they have to pay him or if they can just drop him. Robin said they might have a morals clause in the contract so they probably can. Howard said he has no idea what that company does. He was confused even after Robin explained it to him.
Howard read about Tiger's agent and said he must be pissed about all of this. Howard said he's going to be losing a lot of money too because of this. He said that the guy doesn't even have to do anything to take 10 percent of Tiger's money. Robin said the whole world of golf is in a hole now. She said that on a given weekend they have like 30 million more viewers for golf games when he's playing.
Howard said that he heard Tiger is taking the time off to try and figure out how to pronounce his wife's name (Elin Nordegren). Howard was having some trouble with it himself.
Howard read more about Tiger and talked about how people make money doing lectures and stuff. Howard said he's been offered crazy money to do stuff like that but he'd never do it. He said it was tempting to go out and do that stuff just to bore some people for $150,000.
Robin said that she knew about a guy who was asked to do an art show and he brought an empty shoe box and put it in the middle of a huge room saying that it was his art. Howard said that Yoko and John Lennon used to go on the Mike Douglas show and they'd call random people and tell them ''I love you.'' Howard said he'd love to find some tape of that to play for Robin. He said Yoko is such a kook. Robin said that's better than an empty shoe box in a huge room.
Jon Hein was in because he has been asked to do speeches for classes at a college. Jon said that he's been asked to do that and he'd like to be a professor of pop culture if Howard retires. Howard said he'd like to do something like that maybe.
Howard said he had to take a break and then he'd get to some more Tiger Woods stuff. Howard said that they're saying that Elin might be leaving Tiger. Robin said that she was saying she didn't want that for her kids. Howard said that she could say that before but maybe now she doesn't believe in staying with a guy just so the kids aren't part of a divorce. Robin said that Tiger is saying that he has to take time off to become a better person.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Tiger is a pussy for taking time off and running away like this. Howard said ''Absolutely.'' Howard asked why he can't golf because of this. Robin said he's putting his own legacy into jeopardy with this. He has to keep playing because you don't have all the time in the world to stay at the top of your game. She said that he could be a better person even if he kept golfing.
JD came in and said Tiger was supposed to be at a wedding over the weekend as a Best Man but he didn't show up. Howard said he can't show up as the Best Man when this kind of stuff is going on. Howard said that wasn't surprising. Howard said that he thinks that Kathie Lee Gifford is a great woman. He said he's going to change his whole view on her now. She stuck with Frank Gifford through all of the stuff he dragged her through. Howard said David Letterman didn't take time off either. He said Dave stayed right on the air and didn't take any days off.
Howard said Tiger is making everything worse by taking time off. Howard said the caller was making sense talking about this whole taking time off being ridiculous.
Howard had another caller on the line to talk about the company that dropped Tiger. The caller said that the company used to be Anderson Consulting and they worked with Exxon. He said they talk to companies and tell them how to be better. Howard and Robin asked about them saying that the offer ''services'' to companies. The caller said that maybe they offer accounting and things like that. Howard had to hang up on the guy because he was saying that Robin was wrong about what she was saying about them when she actually had basically said what the caller said.
Another caller said that he had a college radio show and got fired for talking about sex. He said that the GM fired them over nothing. The guy said that his co-host recorded the whole firing and put it on YouTube. Howard said that a lot of these guys don't get where the line is with that stuff. He said that you have to practice being straight on the air and you can't just get dirty like that. The caller said that they weren't even that dirty. Howard said they may have just been assholes. The caller said they were just trying to have some fun. Howard said he'd listen to the firing on YouTube.
Howard said he got fired from his college radio show too. He said that it prepared him for things to come though. He said he had to go to break after that. Fred played a clip of Howard being fired from his college radio station as they were going to break.
Howard came back and said Gary found clips of the Mike Douglas show with Yoko and John on it. He said he remembers it like it was yesterday. Howard said the whole thing was just bizarre. He said that Chuck Berry was brought on because he was John's hero. Howard said Yoko gets up and starts making these awful noises during the song that was performed. He said that chuck and John were doing their thing when Yoko got up and started doing her thing. He said it ruined the whole song. Howard said John would insist that Yoko get to do her own song on a show like that. He had some audio of her doing one of her songs too.
Howard said that the other guys in the Beatles must have tuned in to see what was going on and that's what they saw John doing. Howard said that he doesn't get why Jann Wenner is into her either. He said they give her albums 3.5 star reviews in Rolling Stone magazine. He played some of the latest Sean Lennon album that they gave a good review too. He said it's not the kind of album you usually review though. It was a movie soundtrack album and it was just an instrumental thing.
Howard played more of the Mike Douglas show stuff and talked about that for a short time. He had a clip of Mike singing to John and Yoko thanking them for being on the show all week.
Howard read that Rolling Stone had reviewed 3 Sean Lennon albums and gave them no less than 3.5 stars. Howard said that's bullshit right there.
Wolfie ran through the list of people who he thought were going to fill out the survey. He had Scott DePace on the list but Scott still said he never got it.
Howard said he didn't know who was in it but they were close on it. Wolfie went on to say that they had two common themes on the whole thing and Jason is not well liked according to the results. The most disliked person on the staff was Jason according to the survey. Howard said he never would have suspected that. Wolfie said that the most annoying staff member was Jason with 61 percent of the votes. He got the most for the biggest ass kisser on the show too. Wolfie said he was the biggest gossip too. Jason also got the ''Biggest douche'' votes with 45 percent of those.
Howard said he feels bad for Jason after hearing that. Jason came in and said that he's so hopped up on meds that this isn't affecting him that much. He said it's not all that great that he ''won'' on all of those things. He said that he'd like to meet with his accusers though. Howard said he probably wouldn't. Howard said he knows that Will doesn't like him. He said that Scott DePace doesn't like him either but he wasn't in the survey. Scott told Howard he would have voted for Jason in those things.
Wolfie went down his list of the runners up for the biggest douche and Ronnie was right up there. He said that the other major theme was Sal. He said Sal was voted as the worst parent there. He won that category outright. Howard said that's not surprising. He said that Sal might try hard but he can't be a good parent. Howard said they should probably take the kids away from him.
Howard asked Wolfie what else he found out. Wolfie said that Sal got most of the votes for being the most racist. He was also the one that got he most votes for not being invited to people's house. Benjy got some votes there too. Wolfie said that Sal was also the one who got votes for being most likely to sleep with someone else's wife on the staff. He also got the most votes for being the one who might write an unauthorized biography.
Wolfie said that Artie got the most dishonest person on the show votes. Howard said that Artie does lie a lot. He said he's learned that over the past few years. He said he can't wait to read in his book about how he hasn't been going to a psychiatrist for the past year. Howard said Artie goes as far as to tell him that he's thinking about going to 5 days a week but he's heard that Artie isn't going at all. Howard said he might be doing that to make his mother and sister feel better. Robin said they must know he's lying already.
Howard wasn't sure why Artie would lie to him if he doesn't have to. He said Artie brings that stuff up without being asked about it. Howard said he thinks he's doing it for his mother and sister. Howard said he's the most naive one there and he believes it all.
Gary said that he once said that Artie lies on the show and Artie went off on him the next day for saying that. Gary said Artie has a line for lying. He'll say that he's going to lie about taking drugs but he says he has to do that so he doesn't lose his job. Howard said it's confusing and he believes almost anything that Artie says. He said he's spoken to him off the air and then he reads about it in his book that he was lying about that.
Robin said that Artie claims that he loves therapy but no one loves therapy. Robin said that was her first tip off that he was lying about that. Howard said that there is no love when you're in therapy talking about stuff with the guy. Howard said he needs to do it but he doesn't like it. Robin said Artie is full of it when he says he loves going.
Wolfie said that Scott the Engineer got the most votes for being the most jealous person on the staff. He got 10 of the 13 votes. He also got the most for most lazy person on the staff. Wolfie said that Scott also got the most votes for the one who will speak badly about Howard when he retires. Wolfie said that he would also jump ship if he got a better paying job.
Wolfie said that the least creative was Ronnie. Tim Sabean got 2 votes for that. Wolfie said he'd love to find out who wrote that down. Howard said he liked that too.
Wolfie said that the person who got the most votes for someone who will struggle finding a job when Howard retires was JD. He said that Sal and Scott tied with the votes for who will go off and do autograph signings to make money when Howard retires.
Wolfie said that the person with the worst breath was JD with 7 votes. Howard said he's never been that close to JD. Gary said it used to be really bad but it's gotten better. Gary said that someone spoke to him about it and it's gotten better. Gary only got 3 votes in that. Will Murray got one vote too. Howard said that Jason actually spoke to JD about his breath. Jason came in and said it was back when JD was an intern and he took him aside and told him about his breath and how he had to do something about it. He said he's not sure what he did but he did something. Jason said it was kind of a dicky thing to do but he figured it helped. Howard said that takes balls to do that. He said he could never do that.
Howard said he knew a woman who wore perfume and it mixed with her body really bad. He said that she still stinks to high heaven. He said she smells rotten.
JD came in and said that he brushes his teeth and tongue and he chews gum too. He said he may not have brushed his teeth back then enough. JD said he's very self conscious about it now. He said sometimes you have to be told about those kinds of things. Howard said it must be bad when he's the one who is pulled aside the most.
Howard said JD is really smiley now and getting his words out much easier since he went on the Zoloft. Howard asked if people are noticing that he's a happy go lucky kind of guy now. JD said he's not exactly like that yet. He said he didn't leave his apartment the whole weekend. He said he was catching up on TV and watching football all weekend.
Howard said that JD seems happier than usual. JD said he tried to go to bed at 9 last night and that was tough. He said he didn't get much sleep though. JD said he's going to the doctor tomorrow for a follow up. Howard said he was tap dancing when he came in this morning.
Howard said he had to move along but Wolfie had more. He said that JD was voted easiest to replace. Jason came in a close second on that.
Gary said that he wanted to know if the person who marked Jason down for all of the negative things would like to step forward. That led to Will coming in to deny that it was him. Will said that Jason hasn't been coming out of the house for weeks now because he's busy playing video games. Gary told Howard that Jason has been playing Call of Duty 6 (Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2) since it came out. He said that he and some of the guys like Scott DePace play the game together all the time. Scott said that he has a total play time of 1 day and 5 hours. Jason said that he and Scott can hang out and play the game like they don't hate each other.
Scott said that the game is so fun that they can play for hours. He told Howard about what you do and how he loves to snipe Jason in the head and stuff like that. Jason said they wanted Scott to call into Geektime but Scott wouldn't do it. Scott said that his wife comes home from work and sees him with the headset on and can't believe that she married him. Scott said that he's having fun and there is no downside to it.
Howard said he's like that with Chess. He said he's obsessed with it even though he sucks at it. Scott said it's about being happy in your life and that game makes him happy.
Howard said women say they want to be around their guys but they really don't. Robin said that they want to talk to men but they don't want to be around video games.
Scott was saying that he was watching a movie with his wife and all he was thinking about doing was playing Call of Duty. Howard said Beth walked out on a movie he was watching. He said they were watching ''Public Enemy'' with Johnny Depp and she walked out. Howard said he'll sit through her movies that she wants to watch so she should do the same thing.
Wolfie said that Gary was voted as the biggest ass kisser on the staff. He had some votes for Tim being the biggest ass kisser and being the least creative. He said that someone thought that Ronnie was the worst parent and things like that. Gary said that he doesn't think that he's the biggest user on the show.
Howard said Wolfie was good with the games and stuff. He said he was going to give him a $711 prize from 7-Eleven for that whole thing. He had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and said that he wants Neil to come on the show but he won't ever come on. Robin said that he'll show up and do a show with Eddie Vedder though.
Howard said he was watching Kate Hudson on David Letterman's show not talking about how she's with A-Rod. He said that really annoys the piss out of him. He said that she should just talk about it. Howard said that she might be a little too taken with herself. Howard played the audio of her talking to Dave and not talking about A-Rod when Dave brought him up. Dave was asking her if he was a nice guy and things like that Kate was giggling and asking to talk about something else.
Howard kept talking over the clip saying that Dave is trying to do a TV show and ask her interesting questions and she's not talking about it. Howard said Dave should have just let her bomb because she's just a big bore. Howard said that drives him crazy. He said that she should just leave because she's not interesting and the only thing she's got going on is A-Rod.
Howard said A-Rod has a very poor track record with women too so she shouldn't be so proud. Howard said that Dave has to suck the ass of some young girl to get her to be entertaining. He said it's sad.
Dave kept trying with Kate to get her to talk but she was just giggling and laughing as she wasn't answering his questions. Howard said that she's got no career and nothing else to talk about. That led to Fred playing clips of Gilbert Gottfried laughing like Kate Hudson was doing to Dave. Howard said the next time he's on Dave's show he's going to do the same thing that Kate is doing and just laugh at Dave's questions and not answer them.
Howard played more of the audio and said that Dave is just working too hard with this interview. She said nothing. He said he would just throw her out. Howard said he would love Dave to do that and just throw her off the show. Howard said she has this great stuff to talk about and he wants to kill himself when he hears people acting like that. He said it kills him.
Howard said that she could just be real and talk about how she met the guy and things like that. Howard said she could talk about how she was dating the bicycle rider guy with the one ball and A-Rod was dating Madonna and they hooked up somehow. Howard said she has to give him something.
Robin said they could have done something there but she just sat there giggling. Robin said that doesn't make her want to go see her movie. She said that poor Letterman has to work hard when he gets the pretty girls in there.
Howard said that he would just throw someone like that off the show. He said he's not going to put up with that. He asked who cares about Kate Hudson now anyway. He said that any movie she's in is going to be a shitty one. Robin said that they have a big ensemble cast in that movie and Kate was the only one they wanted to interview and that's because she was dating A-Rod.
Robin mentioned that Sophia Loren is in that movie with Kate Hudson and Gary said someone was saying she's still beautiful at 75. Howard said they have to stop that. He said she stopped being beautiful when she put on those giant sunglasses. Howard said that Robin Williams isn't hysterical on stage anymore either. Howard said the guy is a good actor but he's not funny anymore. Howard also said that Whoopi Goldberg isn't funny either. She gets a pass somehow because she used to do that Comic Relief stuff and she just wasn't funny. Howard said she's another one that's a great actor but she's not funny. Howard said Whoopi isn't funny or fun.
Howard said that the guy who won the Heissman trophy, Mark Ingram, cried during his press conference. He had some audio of that. Gary came in with some details about that. Howard said he'd like to win that trophy. He said that's kind of cool.
In the clip the guys were cheering for Mark when they announced his name. Mark got up and got emotional from the start. He said he was a little overwhelmed. There was a guy in the background telling him that it was alright. Mark talked about how excited he was to win and had a tough time getting it out.
Howard spent a few minutes talking about how rough he had it growing up in Roosevelt as a black child. He had to go to break before Snoop Dogg got up there. Gary said he was in the building but not in there yet. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and had Snoop Dogg come in. Howard said he's rumored to be worth over $100 million. Howard asked Snoop if he was high when he made that song ''Gin and Juice.'' Snoop didn't say but he said he's still using the green. He said he can't give that up. Howard said that the guys were saying he smells of weed this morning.
Howard told Snoop that he could get cancer from that smoke too. Snoop said something is going to kill you so why not enjoy it now. Howard asked if he's worried about cancer. Snoop said he's not worried. He said that he's on medical marijuana and he has that for his migraines and blurred visions. He laughed as he was talking about that.
Howard asked Snoop if he would start his own store if they legalized pot. Snoop said that he would have a place called ''Snoopy's'' and he'd sell all kinds of stuff. Howard asked how he's not in the business already. Snoop said that you have to have real symptoms to get the medical card. He said that the doctor told him he had all of these problems he didn't even know he had. He said that once they prescribed that stuff he was feeling so much better he didn't have to go to the hospital anymore. He has to fill his prescriptions like 3 times a week or so. Snoop said that this thing he has is with him for life so he doesn't even have to go back to the doctor.
Howard said that Snoop is doing something there at SIRIUS XM where he's going to have his own channel for a couple of weeks. Snoop said that he wants to have it 24/7 there and he's hoping that works out. Howard said he thinks that would be a lot of fun. Maybe this is a trial balloon for that. Snoop said that's exactly what it is.
Howard said that Snoop has been doing stuff with SIRIUS for a long time now. Snoop said that he was there before a lot of them started there. He said that he was able to say whatever he wants to on this service. Snoop said he likes the clear signal and how he can listen anywhere in the country. Howard said he agrees and he loves the service. Robin said she doesn't listen to terrestrial radio anymore. Snoop said there is no reason to.
Howard read that Snoop went to school at the same place Cameron Diaz did. Snoop said that Cameron went to a hood school. He said she didn't live in his neighborhood but she was loved at the school. He said that she was under his class and he didn't pay much attention to her back then.
Howard asked Snoop about going to school and found out he graduated on time with a 2.4 GPA. Howard said he was in a gang though. Snoop said that he was but he also had a mom at home who was tough on him. He said he had to do well in school to make her happy while he was doing the gang thing. Snoop said that he's seen people get shot and he's had to shoot at people too. He said that's part of growing up in that life. Robin asked if he shot somebody. Snoop didn't say he had. He said that Robin likes to say that kind of shit.
Snoop has gotten picked up for gun possession so Howard asked why he never had to go to jail like Plaxico Burress. Snoop said he's not that retarded. He said he could smoke for 9 months and his aim wouldn't go anywhere near him. Howard said that Burress had the gun in his sweat pants so you just can't hold it in there. Snoop said that they clamped down on celebrities in New York and that's why Burress had do time. He said they were looking to make an example out of him. He said there's no reason for a football player to have a gun on him in a strip club.
Snoop said that he liked how Plaxico's buddy was trying to hide his gun for him too. They talked about how Plaxico had to go to Riker's island too. They didn't let him off easy, he had to go to a hard core prison. Snoop said that if he has the wrong attitude in there then he's going to have problems. Snoop said that he's sure they made an announcement about why he was in there and how much of a dumb ass he was for shooting himself.
Howard asked Snoop if he's been in prison. Snoop said that he was in jail and they ended up expunging the stuff from his record but then a year later he had an incident and they opened up his records again. Snoop said that they set him up for that though. He said they hit his house and him at the same time. He took the fall for his family so they wouldn't get into trouble.
Snoop told Howard he has denounced gang banging lately. He said that he's an inspiration to the gang bangers out there because he was able to make it out. Howard asked about going through the hazings that he had to go through to get into the gang. Snoop said that they used to beat up the new guys but these days it seems like you can just put on a rag and get into the gang.
Snoop said that when he was in the gang his intent wasn't to go around killing people. He said that's what would end up happening but the guys in the gangs weren't bad guys. Robin said that's what happened when kids get into gangs and are out of control.
Howard said when Snoop got into his gang and went through his hazing he had two of his homies beat him up. Howard said it was like they were trying to toughen him up. Snoop said that it made sense because he learned to fight two guys at a time. Snoop said he didn't get hit with bat and chains like Howard thought. He said they were testing his heart to see if he was willing to go all the way and if he was going to fight back. Snoop said that he had to fight two guys that were his age and not the bigger guys. Snoop said that he got socked in the face by one guy and another guy would hit him from behind. Then he had to fight back and it lasted for 2 minutes. He said it was the longest 2 minutes of his life. He said if he couldn't make it through that, he wouldn't have made it into the gang.
Howard said he was reading about how Snoop was a police informant and that's why he hasn't gone to jail. Snoop said that's not the case, he's just too slick to go to jail. He said that getting caught with a gun was just him protecting himself. He's not going out and causing any problems. He said he could go to jail for smoking weed too. He said that he's been banned from London because of the weed. He said that he likes the people over there but they're all caught up in 1800s with their laws and stuff.
Howard read that he had been busted for busting up a duty free shop over there. Snoop said that sometimes the people there aren't quite as first class as he is. Snoop told that story and how they got into a scuffle with the Bobby's over there.
Howard said he didn't know Snoop was worth $100 million. Snoop said he didn't know that either and he might have to borrow some money from himself. Howard asked Snoop if he's surprised about the whole Tiger Woods thing. Snoop said that Tiger has that clean cut personality and no one expects him to do stuff like that. Snoop said that he's the kind of guy that's expected to do that. Howard asked if he still has his pimp thing going on. Snoop said that he had to give it up and pass it along to Don Magic Juan. He said he had 60 girls at one point though. Snoop said if you service the right people the cops will never find out. He said he never had any problems.
Howard asked Snoop how his wife and kids are doing. Snoop said they're doing just fine. Snoop said that his wife is raising the kids and he's still going around doing his thing. He said that he has to be discreet about what he does and she has to be discreet about what she's doing. He said that's what Tiger should have been doing. He said that Tiger's wife should just raise the kids and let Tiger go out and do his thing. Snoop said that Tiger is going to eventually come home and be with her and her alone. Snoop said that he wants to go out and do his thing while he wants to.
Snoop said his wife knew about all of that pimp stuff when he was out here. He said that it's hard with him and his wife now but things are all about respect now. Snoop said that he has to be discreet about what he does and not do it in clubs and stuff. Robin asked if he's saying that he just hides it now. Snoop said that he doesn't even do it anymore because he respects his wife so much.
Howard said that Tiger was having sex with these broads without a condom. Robin said that they're saying that he could have kids out there too. Snoop said that some of these scandalous bitches will collect his stuff and get pregnant. Snoop said he can't just go and talk to bitches. He said that Tiger can't do that either. Snoop said that he had to have a guy getting the women for him. He thinks that it was just one person too. Snoop said whoever that person is should be spotlighted. He said that's the guy who brought those women to Tiger and he's responsible for that. Howard said Snoop is right about that. There was a guy he read about who was booking hotels for him and things like that.
Howard asked Snoop how you make sure a woman doesn't talk. Snoop said it's all about the relationship with the woman. He said that Tiger may not have an a good relationship with them so they all came out. He said that you have to tell the girls what's going on and how you have to make sure they're going to keep it discreet. Snoop said that it can be done discreetly and kept a secret.
Howard asked Snoop about a quote he had where he said that there was KKK money behind the whole Obama campaign. snoop said he thinks that they did that so they could put the blame of George Bush's mess on Obama. He said they want him to fail and that's why they got behind him.
Howard gave Snoop a plug for Snoop Dog Nation that will be on SIRIUS channel 40 and XM 67 starting today. He mentioned the Roll Call thing and asked Snoop if he had ever heard of it. Snoop said he hadn't heard about that. Howard said that's what he wanted to hear. He said he wouldn't even get into that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Snoop about the Nation of Islanm and about being a member in that. Snoop said that's been nothing but good for him and he has nothing bad to say about them.
A caller asked Snoop about what his favorite kind of weed is. Snoop said that his favorite is Grand Daddy Purple. He also talked about how much he loves that and learning how to grow his own. He said there are a lot of books out there about how to do that.
Howard asked how much he smoked this morning. Snoop said he smoked two blunts with some of his people. Snoop said that he had the guys from the Man Cave show hook him up with a Man Cave. Snoop said that he loves to play video games. He said he loves Madden or NBA 2K10.
Howard played a song that Snoop has out from his new album ''Malice N Wonderland.'' Howard was impressed that Snoop did this all off the top of his head and didn't write anything down. Snoop said that's the way he does things these days. He said that he used to write stuff down in a journal but not anymore.
Howard asked Snoop if he has ever smoked with Beyonce. Snoop said he hadn't. He said he has smoked with 50 Cent when he was a youngster. Snoop said he's a businessman now. Howard said he's worth a lot of money because of that Vitamin Water stuff.
Howard played more of Snoops song and said he's really impressed with that song. Snoop was singing along with the song and Howard was impressed by that too. Snoop told Howard how much he likes coming on the show and how many good times they've had in the past. He said that he had Beetlejuice on his TV show one time and that guy is a fool.
Howard said they ran a 5 part series for Beetlejuice on his Howard TV channel. Snoop laughed at what Howard told him about that series.
Howard and Snoop talked about Chris Brown and Rihanna. Snoop said if that was his daughter his foot would be so far up Chris' ass that they'd have to call a fire truck to come and get it out. Snoop said that if Chris was a gangster rapper then that would have been part of his M.O. and record stores would have no problem selling that album.
Howard asked Snoop if he's doing any acting. Snoop said that they want him to keep playing the same parts and he's looking to spread out and do other stuff. He said he's not the yes sir kind of guy so he's not going to do that. Howard said he wants to play a villain in a movie. Snoop said that's what he'd like to do too.
Howard told Snoop he had a good time with him today. He said they have to do this again. Snoop said that Howard is great and he has a picture of him hanging in his house that he still hasn't taken down.
Howard asked Snoop which girls in Hollywood are hot right now. He said that bitch from Transformers, Megan Fox, is hot. He said he thinks about her naked whenever he watches that movie. He likes Kate Beckinsale too. Howard gave him some more plugs and played him out with his song ''I Wanna Rock.'' They were going to go to break but Howard asked to see Snoops eyes to see how wasted he was. He said Snoop looked really wasted but he could still remember all of the lyrics to his song. He was singing along to the song as it was playing. they went to break a short time later.
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After the break we heard a prank call the guys made to a phone sex line using Jeff ''The Vomit Guy'' Levy audio clips. Fred also played some Led Zeppelin ''Heart Breaker'' as they were coming back.
Howard came back and took a call from a guy who said he saw Beth on FOX and Friends this morning and she was talking about how they're getting a cat. Howard said he didn't know about that. Beth said that they're getting one cat, possibly 2. Howard said he doesn't think that it's the right time for that. He said that if she wants cats that's fine but he'd prefer that they didn't. He said he has to go along with it. Beth said that he's going to love them. Howard said he loves Beth and he'll have to just let her do it. Beth said they can compromise and just get one. Howard said that he'd like to wait for a year to figure out if he's going to be on radio then. He said they have the apartment being worked on too so there's that as well.
Howard said that cats are easy to take care of but he doesn't want to get involved in that. He said he will embrace the cat but if it doesn't come he'll be happy too. Howard said Beth has a right to get that cat so what is he supposed to do?
Howard said that the pet psychic told Beth that Bianca would welcome another pet in the house. Howard had Fred playing clips of a dog barking to let him know that she didn't want the cat there.
Howard tried to talk to Beth but her headset was on backwards. She put them on right and said that she and Snoop were connecting when she got there. Howard said that he wanted to know what Beth could get on the open market. Gary was going to ask about that but Snoop had run off already.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he was watching the FOX and Friends thing and one of the guys gave another little dig at Howard. He said that the guy must have some kind of beef with Howard. Beth said that she was talking about Tinsel on the Christmas tree and how it's bad for pets and the guy asked her if she doesn't put it on ''because of Howard.'' Beth said it didn't make any sense and it was just dumb. She said she just kept going and said she didn't know what he was talking about. The guy said he was just trying to be funny. Beth said she just moved on.
Beth said she was on that show talking about how to keep your pets safe during the holidays. She didn't get to one of the tips which was keeping pets away from candles.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and asked Beth how she could do this to Howard. She asked what she was thinking with this. Beth said that they've been talking about this for a couple of years now. Howard said he knows about the cats and that Beth wants to adopt a couple of them. Howard said there are two cats they haven't been able to get adopted and Beth wants to do it. Howard said that they can't separate the pets so they have to adopt both. Howard said he would accept them even though he doesn't want pets now. Mariann said maybe they can ask people to adopt them today. Howard said he's begging someone to please adopt these two so he doesn't have to.
Howard said any cat that Beth holds he wants to be adopted. Mariann said that she used to adopt a lot of pets but she's had to stop. She said that she had a friend who had some cats that they brought to the North Shore Animal League. Mariann started to yell that she loves him but Howard hung up on her.
Gary said that he wasn't able to get Snoop. He stuck around for a while to do the History of Howard Stern but he was gone by the time he went to get him. Howard said he loved that interview and he doesn't want to hear any negative feedback about that interview.
Howard got to the Tiger Woods clips. He had a clip of a whore house madam who claims she got Tiger a bunch of women. He played that clip where the madam was telling the show host about the whores she got for Tiger. Howard asked why a madam would go on TV and talk about this stuff. He said that they used to be afraid to go on TV and talk about this stuff. He said that she should be afraid of getting arrested.
High Pitch Eric called in and told Beth not to get the cat. His phone cut out in the middle of him telling Beth not to get the cats. Eric said that Howard plays too much chess and he takes care of Bianca. Howard said that made a lot of sense to him.
Another caller said that he has two cats and a puppy and the cats run around the house in the middle of the night. He said that the cats have a party in the house all the time. He said that's going to keep Howard up and he's going to be miserable. The guy said that the cats might shit on the floor too if they don't like what's in their litter pan. Robin said she loves her cats and she wouldn't trade them in for the world. Howard said they have some nice furniture too and they could scratch it up. Robin said that they can be trained not to scratch stuff. Gary came in and asked how that is because his cats are scratching the shit out of his furniture.
Gary said that the cats do shit outside of their litter pan too. Beth said that the cats do not shit outside of their litter box. She said that's not going to happen. The caller said that his cats will shit outside of their box if they don't like that the other cat is in there.
Howard said that everything freaks him out but he will do this for his wife. Howard said he has had a cat before and he knows what it's like. Gary said that they keep cat cookies in their bedroom to get the cats out of the bedroom. Gary said they used to climb on the blinds and make them shake at 3 in the morning. Beth said that these cats won't be near the master bedroom at that time of night. She said that they're two old cats and they're not going to do that. She said they sleep all day long.
The caller said that his cats sleep all day long too and they run around in the middle of the night. Robin said that her cats never run around in the middle of the night. She said that her four cats have always lived with her. Howard said that's not true, they live with someone else. Robin said they do now but she did live with four cats all the time and it wasn't like that.
The caller asked if he could come up and meet Howard. Howard said he liked him and he was going to let him come up there to meet him.
Bobo called in and asked Beth if she would do her own talk show because she speaks better than Tyra Banks. Beth said that no one is better than Tyra. She's not looking to do that.
Howard gave Beth some plugs for her book that she has coming out. She also has a TV show she'll be on in May. She shot that this Summer.
Howard let Bobo go and goofed on him a little bit about his wig. Beth ended up getting a little upset that Howard wasn't so thrilled about the cat. Howard said he wasn't looking to upset her. He said that he doesn't want the cats but he'll accept it. Then she said that he said he wanted the cat. Howard said he does want the cat. He said she knew that he wasn't that choked up about it. Beth said they're not going to get it.
Howard said that some people sent him some information about how they were playing Guess Who's Jew on TMZ. Howard said he has to bring that back to his show. He said that they did give him credit on the TMZ thing. He told Fred to put that together so they can do it next week (When they're on vacation).
Steve said that they have a poll on Jimmy Fallon's blog where they asked about the best phony phone callers of all time. Sal and Richard are at 87 percent on that poll. Steve said Sal says he hasn't been trigger happy voting for himself. Howard said he believes that Sal could do that but they do make some great prank calls.
Steve said that Jeff the Drunk's sister has throat cancer and she's going through surgery and chemotherapy for that. Steve also mentioned hat they're going to be doing the History of Howard Stern Act III next week. Howard said he's heard that it's going to be the best of the bunch so far. Steve also got in a plug for tonight's Greg Fitzsimmons show that's on tonight at midnight.
Howard had Snoop Dogg on the phone and asked him how much she'd be worth on the open market. Snoop said she could make $7,500 to $10,000 a night. He said she's a ''blue chip'' type that wouldn't have to go out on the streets. He said that she'd just have to work once a night to make that kind of money. Snoop also told Howard that if she's getting 10 then Howard is getting that 10. Howard thanked him for the call and let him go.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He ran down the list of subjects they had to discuss today.
Ralph called in and said that he's very concerned about this cat thing. He said he hears Howard saying ''whatever'' and he thinks that they need to agree on something whole heartedly. Howard said they were way into the dog thing. Beth said that this is what is transpiring on the air and not what's happening off the air. Howard said he hasn't been so excited about it off the air either. Beth said that they have to talk about this off the air and not here anymore. Howard said he thinks that he's a pretty great husband. He said that he's terrific. Ralph said they seem to be really happy together and the apartment isn't even done yet so maybe the cats should wait. Robin said they can adjust. She said that's life.
Howard said he's very stressed out by that and other stuff in his life. He said that the cats won't calm him. Robin said they would. Howard said he knows himself and he's not going to be relaxed by that.
Howard asked Beth if he's a great husband. She said he really is. There are only a few things that bother her. She said that she loves to go to bed and she'll find him in the middle of a chess game. She said she has to wait like 5 or 10 minutes for him to finish and that bothers her. Howard said he didn't know that. He said she hasn't told him that. Beth said that she has told him that and he's usually drunk around that time. Howard said he's going to stop with the chess at that time. Beth said it would be nice. Howard said he's going to change starting today.
Beth asked Howard what bothers him about her. Ralph said it's the cat. Howard said the cat thing is something. He said she really wants the cat though. Beth said she has figured out a way to keep them out of his world. She said it's completely figured out.
Beth said that she gets sad about Howard when he's not coming to bed. Howard said that she's not going to have time to read magazines now. He said that she's got to get ready for the new Howie. He said he's going to be right in that bed and be with her. He said she loves him and he loves her and things are going to be fine.
A caller said he still thinks that they're going to have a kid once they get the cats. Howard said that Beth doesn't want kids. Howard said they don't want to talk about that anymore. He had Jon finish up his Wrap Up Show preview after that.
Howard said he didn't want to leave out people's wives and girlfriends. He said that if Benjy has someone special then he should bring her. He said that Sal is going to bring his wife.
Howard asked Gary if he knew what he was talking about. Gary didn't hear the question but he claimed he had heard the whole Benjy discussion. Gary said he knows it's a party and he doesn't want any whacko showing up but if someone is dating someone then they should be okay to be there. Howard said he doesn't want him bringing someone who he doesn't really know. Howard said Gary never has the right answer.
Howard said Benjy can bring someone but not just someone who is going to observe and say ''Look where I'm at.'' He said it's not the Superfan Roundtable and he doesn't need that. Howard said that Benjy is always a problem. He said that he's always got to have a special meal and things like that. Howard said he's stressed out already.
Gary came in and said that some people were upset that they have a giant Christmas tree there but a tiny menorah sitting in the corner out in the lobby. Howard said that's the way it should be and no one should be upset about that. He said that Hanukkah was never supposed to be a big deal. He said that the Christians and their Christmas celebration is what led to it being a big deal.
Robin read a story about how Robert Pattinson is the most popular celebrity of the year according to IMDB.com. She said that they found that he attracted the most interest. Robin read about some of the other popular names over there.
Robin said that the call girl who was linked to Elliot Spitzer has a column in the NY Post. Howard said that's insulting. He asked what happened to when an advice columnist actually had to know something. Howard said he's not going to be listening to her advice. He said if it was an advice column for hookers then maybe he'd like it.
Robin read some news about Tiger Woods leaving golf for an indefinite amount of time. They spent a few minutes on that story talking about how dumb it is for Tiger to leave over this. Howard said that there have been other people who have had things like this happen and they didn't have to leave their jobs. Howard said it's going to be worse for him when he returns if he leaves for any amount of time. Howard said Tiger should come in there and do an interview. He said he's a sweetheart.
Robin read about some of the money that Tiger was making doing events and stuff. Howard said the guy has so much money he has private jets standing by for him. Robin said that he could lose 90 million or more in endorsements if he leaves golf. Robin said that they're going to lose a lot of ticket sales thanks to this. She said that they're saying that this could affect every pro golfer.
Robin read about some Saturday Night Live skits they did about Tiger and played some audio from the show. She had a few clips where they were goofing on Tiger. Howard said that was some funny stuff from Saturday Night Live and he was cracking up. He was being sarcastic, no one was laughing.
Robin wondered how you have Christmas after something like this happens. Howard said it does sound pretty bad. Howard said the guy didn't even wear rubbers. That's pretty bad. Howard asked Beth what she would do. She said she would leave now. She wouldn't wait until after Christmas.
Robin read that Elin Nordegren has consulted a divorce lawyer and she's not worried about money. She's going to stick there with Tiger through the holidays and then she's moving to Sweden with the kids. Howard asked if she can just leave like that. Robin said they've had people in there and they must be able to do that.
Robin read about the President being on 60 Minutes last night. Howard said he was busy watching the upcoming episode of The Bachelor last night so he missed that. Robin had some audio clips from that interview to play.
Robin read a story about a 7 year old who had her hair cut off by a teacher who didn't like that the kid was playing with it. Robin said the teacher cut one of the girl's braids off in front of the whole class.
Robin read about a guy who was charged with hitting some students with his car and he's going to say that he may have been under the influence of excessive caffeine. The cops had to use a Taser to take the guy down. The guy was acting strange in court according to the article and they're saying that could be from too much caffeine too.
Robin read about an openly gay Mayor that was elected. She had some audio of the mayor talking about that in a speech.
Robin read about Rolling Stone magazine saying that U2's ''How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb'' is one of the most underrated albums of all time. Howard said you can't trust them if they say that every Yoko and Sean Lennon album are 3.5 stars.
Robin said that the number one movie at the box office this weekend was ''The Princess and the Frog'' and it has an all black cast. Robin said that's the first time Disney has done that. She had some audio of some of the actors talking about the movie.
Robin had some audio of James Cameron talking about his new movie ''Avatar.'' She said that Cameron had to create some of the technology to get it made. Cameron was talking about how he started work on the movie way back in 1995. Howard read that it had a $500 million budget. Howard said he thought it was 3D but Robin said it was just 2D. Howard asked why it cost $500 million to make it. Howard said he thinks the movie is 3D and he's sticking with that. He said you can't bootleg it if it's 3D. Howard said he hates those 3D glasses though so he doesn't want to see that. Jon Hein came in and said that it's in both 3D and 2D.
Robin had a story about the movie Crazy Heart with Jeff Bridges and Robert Duvall. She had some audio of Duvall talking about working with Jeff. Howard said that guy would tell you if he didn't like that Jeff Bridges. Howard said he likes Jeff too.
Robin read about actress Emily Blunt being in the new Wolfman movie that's coming out sometime in the future. Howard said Benicio DelToro is playing the Wolfman and the trailers look good for that movie.
Robin said that Playgirl isn't going to publish the pictures of Tiger Woods nude because they're not sure if it's really him. She wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 11:00am.
Gary said he had a funny line for him there in the green room. He said Snoop hadn't been there since they moved to SIRIUS and he didn't know if he could be dirty or not. Gray told him to go for X-rated stuff if he wanted to.
Gary said Snoop showed up with a few people but they were security and Benjy was acting like he had never seen black people before. Gary said Benjy was all freaked out by it.
Jon said he knew that Snoop went to school with Cameron Diaz but he didn't know that he pulled off a 2.5 GPA while being a gang banger. Gary said he seems to know how to play the game correctly so that's how he's able to do that.
Jon played a clip of Snoop talking about Plaxico Burress and what a dumb ass he was for shooting himself. After the clip the guys talked about how Snoop was talking about how everyone should have a gun to protect themselves. Gary said that's kind of nuts and said that it would be anarchy if everyone had a gun.
Jon said that Snoop was talking about how he got out of the gang and now he has respect from the gang bangers out there who want to get out.
The guys also talked about Snoop talking about how Beth could make 10 grand a night as a high priced hooker. Gary wondered who would pay that kind of money for her but then he was thinking about how Tiger Woods might be one of those guys.
Benjy said he and Robin were both scared by the security guys that came up with Snoop. He said that they don't smile back at you when you smile at them.
Jon asked Benjy if he's going to bring anyone to the party Howard is throwing. Benjy said that he'd like it if people stop inviting him to parties without a plus 1. He said he was talking to his mom about it during the wedding season and how a lot of people don't do that because they only want people they know at their weddings.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thought Snoop was great on the show. He thought 50 Cent was good last week too because they're both honest and will talk about anything. Gary said he thought 50 Cent was a good guest but Ralph thought that they shouldn't be rewarding him because he's a thug.
Benjy said he likes Snoop but that whole good guy thing is wrong because he has talked about hitting his whores with his shoe. He said if that's real then he's not a good guy.
JD came in and said that he met a girl back stage at a show one time and she was going to go to the party with him. He said he canceled with her because of what Howard was saying to Benjy today. He said he hadn't been out on a date with her yet so he figured this is the kind of person Howard didn't want there. Gary said he thought that if someone wanted to get laid then they should bring them to the party. JD said that's not what he was getting from what Howard was saying.
JD said he's going to be going solo to the party. JD said he texted the girl during that conversation and she was understanding. JD said that she wasn't listening but he let her know what Howard was saying and let her down. She said it sucked but it was fine.
Gary asked JD if he thinks he can still get that chick. JD said that she lives upstate so they have talked about hanging out before. He said that they should be able to get together. Jon said he must be pissed because this might have sealed the deal. JD said that he's fine and he'll deal with it. He said that he deals with everything else that happens in his life.
Benjy asked JD what he'll do if Howard tells him to just bring the chick tomorrow. JD said he's not sure what he'll do but he doesn't want to make a big deal out of this. He doesn't need that or want that kind of trouble.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that Gary was right about the wedding thing usually not being a plus 1. He said that's the right etiquette. The guy was also saying that Howard was trying to get Benjy not to bring someone just to bring them. He wants someone who is close to Benjy and someone who has meaning to him. Benjy said that they should have put conditions on it weeks ago, not at the last minute. He said he'd be cool with it if they said he should just come alone. He said he's not sure what to do now. Benjy said that he doesn't want to just not go. Gary asked if he can just not have any fun because of this. Benjy said of course he'll have fun.
Benjy said that he probably wouldn't go if he wasn't able to bring a date to the party. He said he's very close with Sheila and he'd have fun with her there.
Ronnie came in and said that he kind of thinks that Howard should have said something from the beginning, not 4 days before the party. Jon said that maybe he should but maybe he wasn't thinking about who Benjy was going to bring.
Ronnie said he doesn't care if anyone doesn't like him there but what Wolfie did was turn everyone against each other. He said it was asinine for him to do that. Ronnie said that he wasn't the one who voted Jason in every negative category either. He put Jason in one negative thing and that was the gossip thing. He said Jason knows he the big gossip there so it was no big deal.
Benjy said he'd like to figure out who was who in that whole thing but Ronnie said that it's not the right time to do that right before Christmas. Benjy said that he remembers some of the stuff he filled out and he was willing to talk about that.
Gary said he'd like to know who said he was the biggest douche, user and ass kisser. He said Benjy said it may have been him but he wasn't sure. Gary said he'd be willing to put his sheet up for review and so was Benjy.
Jason said that he marked himself down as being the most annoying there. He said the one that confused him was the ''douche'' question. He's not sure what a douche is and what exactly that means. Gary said he wasn't thinking arrogant with that one. Benjy said he thinks it might be like an asshole with an attitude.
Gary said he had trouble filling out his survey because the questions were kind of confusing. He said he marked down some names like Scott the Engineer because he figured he could take it. He said he may not have even fit the bill but he marked him down anyway.
Jason said that he'd rather be the biggest douche than ''laziest.'' That led to Jon talking about Scott since he was voted laziest.
The guys talked about some of the votes they gave and who they put down on their lists. Scott said that Jason got more negative votes than he even did. Benjy said that he came in second to Sal not being wanted at his house. He said he was surprised by that one. Gary said that Benjy has had night terrors at people's houses. That's why people don't want him there. Benjy said he thinks that Ronnie, Tracy and someone else didn't want him at his house. He wasn't sure who else it could be. Gary said it could have been him but he doesn't remember. They had to go to break a short time later.
Jon asked Jason if he has any idea who voted him in all of the negative stuff in the survey. Jason said he was thinking it was Will as a joke but Will told him he didn't do that and he believes him. Jason said he's not sure who it was but it might be someone in the office that he's sitting around all the time. He said that everyone on the list he's friendly with and if someone really hates him that much they can feel free to stop talking to him. He said he'd be fine with that. Jason said that maybe Artie did it. He said he's really not sure. Scott said he didn't do it.
Benjy asked Jon who he put in the negative things. Jon said he put Jason in a few. Benjy was wondering because Jon is always so nice to people and he doesn't really bad mouth anyone.
A caller asked why Howard didn't participate in that survey. He was also asking why they didn't bring up the Sonos S5 system during Geektime on Saturday. Jon said that it is a great gadget but Ralph was the one talking about his favorite gadgets.
Jon also said that Howard, Robin and Tim didn't participate in the survey. Gary said that Howard wasn't able to write the names down and he didn't feel right about doing it. Tim Sabean didn't do it either because of that. Jon said that they all should have done it or no one should have done it... but that's not the way it turned out.
Another caller said that Ralph should have been voted ''biggest fag'' on the show. Jon said that wasn't one of the choices. The guy was also wondering about the reason Howard went off on Benjy but not on JD about bringing a date to the party. Jon ended up giving the caller some Carson's Ribs for his call today.
Sal came in and said that he wasn't surprised at some of the categories he was voted for the most in. Sal said that he was surprised that he was voted ''worst father.'' Benjy said he thinks he voted for him in that one. He said that he didn't want to vote Howard or Tim in that one. Gary said he thinks that he did that for Sal and it was about the stuff he says in front of his kids that he finds funny but it's just inappropriate. Gary said that he was just the one that fit in that category even though he doesn't think that he's really a bad father.
Sal said that he gets why he was in some of the categories like the guy least likely to be invited to someone's house. Sal said he put Howard in that one. Sal said that every time Howard goes out to someone's house he leaves early and rudely. He said all he does is discuss everything that happens so he would be the last person he'd want there.
Gary said that when he had Howard to his house he did a scan of the house trying to cut back on the stuff that Howard could make fun of. He took down maybe one or two things that Howard could make fun of. Sal laughed at that.
Sal said that he marked Artie down as the ''biggest user'' on the show thinking he meant it was the guy using drugs. Sal said he didn't know it was just someone who uses someone else.
Scott said that he may have answered some of his answers in haste just to get it done. He said that he didn't put people down as a goof.
Benjy asked Sal if he's still bringing a date to the Christmas party. Sal said he's bringing his wife. Benjy said he's supposed to bring someone close or someone he loves. Sal said that's his wife. They had to end the show after that.
Howard started the show taking a call from Ass Napkin Ed. Ed said he heard that Imus is taking chess lessons now. Howard wondered if that guy does everything he does. Ed said he thinks that Imus wants to be just like Howard. Howard said that Imus does everything that he gets into. He didn't know he was taking lessons but he did hear that he was playing against his son. Howard said Imus can't do anything where he has to walk so he has to do stuff like that.
Ed asked if he had any money for him. Howard said he didn't have anything right now but maybe later in the show. Howard said if he gives Ed money then people write in complaining about it. He ends up giving too much to the Wack Pack and people complain. He said that they do dole it out to many people but sometimes people like Jeff the Drunk might end up with an extra allotment.
Howard said he had a lot to talk about today. He said he has Tiger Woods stuff to get to. He said that guy got the best girls. He said they're saying that Tiger is on the brink of disaster. Howard said he should get out and play golf to forget about that stuff. He said if he's ever in a scandal he's going to have to get right back on the air.
Howard said Tiger is talking about going over to France to get away from everything. He said that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are over there so they can get away too.
Howard said he was talking to his father yesterday and they were talking about Bolivia. Howard said his dad brought that up and it's kind of fun to talk about that stuff with him. He said his father doesn't want to know anything else.
Howard said he gets mad at these FOX news people. He said he's open to a lot of stuff but then they get into stuff about global warming. Howard said there's a story on the front page of the NY Times about Bolivia being so dirt poor that they're stuck in the stone ages. Howard said they're still washing their clothes on rocks and stuff. Howard said they rely on a glacier there for water. He said that global warming is so bad that the glacier is just about gone. He said they have no water there because of that. Howard said that when you don't have water then things get desperate. He said that the middle class down there can't even take a shower. He said they have no water to do that. Howard said when the water comes on in the apartment they quickly do their business because they don't know when it's going to come back on. This is all because of global warming.
Howard said man has created global warming and he's convinced of that. Howard said that they're saying that we're sinking fast and something has to be done. Howard said it's a recipe for disaster and when there is no water then people are going to snap. He said they're asking for money down there and they think in 6 years they could get water there. He said that would save their economy and lifestyle. The people there are like nomads and they have no where to go. He said they're desperate people roaming the world.
Howard said there are a lot of nations that are tiny and so backwards. He said he saw a story where a guy was being stoned for cheating on his wife. He said they're barbarians in countries like that. He said the way to prevent future wars is to put money into helping these nations.
Howard said the FOX News people were bashing Obama for wanting to help these countries. He said that's what pisses him off about FOX. He said that there are countries that need help and there's no way Bolivia is ever going to be bigger than this country. Robin said when she was stuck in India it was because there were no roads there. She said you have to fly there because there were no roads to drive in on.
Howard read about the guy who was being stoned to death for cheating on his wife. He said it drives him crazy when he sees stuff like that. Robin said people are always saying that we have to take care of ourselves and just ignore everyone else.
A caller on the line said that there are several towns who are upset about selling water supplies and how that's going to screw people up bad when they don't have water. He said water companies like Poland Spring are buying up the water companies to get as much of the water as they can. Howard said that it might be better to have a private water system so they can get paid and get paid well. If there's an incentive then they're going to work harder. He said if the government takes over it can make things worse.
Howard said it really disturbs him when he hears people saying that global warming wasn't caused by man or that it doesn't exist. Robin said even if there isn't global warming, there is a problem and they have to do something about it.
Howard asked the caller what he had to say. The caller said he was enjoying this discussion. He said that there has to be a reason for the spike in this global warming even if it isn't man made. The caller also said that he heard Scott the Engineer saying he wasn't a jealous person on the Wrap Up Show yesterday. He said that he has been the most jealous in the past though. The guy also said he liked he didn't give Ed money earlier. Howard had to let the guy go because his phone connection was bad.
Howard said he likes to be able to just say nice things about a guy like that without wanting to get a movie out of him. He said that's where he's at in his career where he doesn't have to kiss ass. He said Brad was always a thoughtful guy from what he could tell. Howard said they were ready to crucify the guy when he took over Paramount. He said people just hate change and they get so upset when things do change.
Howard said that there isn't much of a difference between TV and movies so Brad should do just fine. Howard wondered how James Cameron is going to do with his new Avatar movie. He said they spent like $500 million on that film and he's wondering if they're going to make money on it. Howard said he doesn't like to see movies like that do badly because it can kill it for other productions. He said it can scare off the movie studios. Robin said some of the technology that they used will be used in other movies so that will live on at least.
Howard took a call from Pete from Pittsburgh. He said the show is great without Artie. He said they can handle the show without him. Howard said that Artie is a great guy and a great talent. He said he loves the guy and he loves working with him. He's been a joy to work with and he's been there 9 years.
Howard said he's known Fred, Gary and Robin the longest. He said they have a history together and how much of a struggle it was to put the show together. He said he sits down and remembers how tough it was when he was working in Westchester with no future. He said he was in a little house doing radio for $4 an hour. He said no one could hear him and he wasn't sure if he was ever going to make it.
Howard said he eventually went to Hartford and met Fred. He said Fred was great at what he did and he told him that they'd work together again some day. He said Fred didn't believe that.
Howard said he and the guys have this amazing history and Jackie came in and added another dimension to the show. He said he was a great talent for the show too. He said everyone has contributed. Howard said Artie came in but he wasn't there for the history to see how much of a struggle it was. He said that's a disadvantage because he didn't see that struggle. He said it's almost like the Rockefeller's who don't know how much of a struggle it was to make all of their money. Howard said Artie does appreciate what they have there though. He said Artie isn't malicious about any of this stuff. He said Jackie isn't either.
Howard said when Artie stepped in he can only be appreciative. Howard said he thinks that his own talent is to pick great people and great talent for the show. He said that Sal and Richard are great and even Benjy is good. Howard said Benjy is being groomed and he's putting him through the worst he can.
Howard said a guy like JD is cracking up out there but he works his ass off for the show. He was working wild hours for the show because he's so devoted to the show.
Howard said he thinks the show is better with Artie and not without like Pete said. Howard said when Artie broke into being Chaz Bono that was great. The laughing guy is great. The Godfather impressions are great. Howard said Artie has a lot of great stuff he does on the show and he's a great guy. He said he'll always fight for him and make sure he comes through okay.
Howard said he worries about Artie and he hopes he'll be okay. He said he is valuable to him. He said that he could still do the show without Artie but he wants Artie there. He said he appreciates the people he works with now and they help make it easy on him.
Pete asked if he's letting Artie make his own schedule. Howard said Artie is not making his own schedule, he just needs some help and he's giving him some time. He said that it's not funny and that's why he's keeping some stuff private. Pete said that he's showing weakness now and he's not doing things the right way. Howard said he thinks that he's showing strength and they're not spending time talking about Artie's problems. He said he won't ignore them but they're not going to spend a lot of time talking about it.
Howard said he fought for Jackie for years and he's going to do the same for Artie. He said he's not going to give up on the guy yet. He said that's his nature and he won't just let the guy go. He said he loved KC Armstrong too but he went off the deep end and he could no longer work on the show. Howard said that KC would even admit to that. Howard said if Artie does the same thing then he'll have to let him go too. Howard said he thinks he's been pretty astute at running the show so he has to trust his judgment on this.
Howard said this show is more important thing in his life and it may not even be healthy. Pete said hearing him and Beth yesterday was great. He said he loves to hear them interact on the air and it was fascinating to him. Howard said he really does love that woman. He said he asked Beth if she was comfortable in there yesterday. She said she was okay but she didn't want to get hammered by the fans like she usually does. Howard said he thought they would have been interested but Beth takes it to heart when she gets bashed on SFN.
Pete said that he loves Beth too. Howard said Snoop Dogg liked her too. He said that he introduced them yesterday and Snoop looked like he was shocked to see her with him. Howard said it was the look of surprise like ''What the fuck!?'' when he saw her with him. He hopes that the TV guys got that on camera.
Howard read some mail about Artie. People are wondering why he needs time off from a job where he just sits down and bullshits with the guys. Howard said that this show might be the easiest part of his life. There were other people who were happy that SIRIUS was treating Artie like this and forcing him to get help.
Howard said some people weren't too happy with the Wolfie survey they were doing yesterday. He quickly went through some of that stuff too.
Howard said he read that A-Rod and Kate Hudson broke up. Howard said that they're both on shtup street and going out and banging all kinds of people. He said A-Rod is already out looking for chicks. He said that he must be like him and he can't be without a woman for more than 2 seconds. Robin said some people need that constant attention.
Howard said Benjy got all upset with him yesterday about that. He said JD canceled a date with someone who he met back stage at a comedy show. He said JD hasn't even gone out with her. He said that's just a superfan who wants to be at the party. Howard asked if he had ever banged her. JD said he hadn't. He said that they've been texting back and forth since they met but that's about it. Howard said that if he's confident that he's going to get laid then he can bring her. Howard said JD is finally in a good place and he hopes he can get someone like that. Howard said that JD's medication is a miracle.
Howard said one of the guys went on Facebook looking for a date. Robin said that had to be a lie. Howard said he just wanted to get together and have fun and not have to worry about other people staring at them. He said he was serious about the Facebook thing. He said people have to use a little common sense.
JD said that he'll be going alone and told Howard not to worry about it. Howard said JD should bring Ashley Dupree. He said the NY Post hired her to do an advice column and that's a really weird move. Howard said she's a hooker and if that's the case then she has a lot of issues to work through. He said that she grew up with money but she still went out and did this prostitution thing. He said you definitely have issues if you're into that.
Howard said the NY Post made her the love and relationship columnist and you really don't want anyone getting advice from a hooker. Howard said her views are going to be really warped. He said he's got nothing against her or prostitution but she has to admit she has issues.
Howard said he was thinking about this and realized that Rupert Murdoch had something against Elliot Spitzer and this may be his way of keeping that whole thing alive. He said that they can keep it in the news and make Spitzer look like an asshole. He said he's not even sure what they had against each other but this is a way to keep Spitzer in the news.
Howard said he saw this ad on the internet where Ashley is talking about being the new advice columnist. Howard said she looks much better in a bikini. He said she's looking odd now and not that hot. Howard played the audio of the promo and goofed on her for a short time. He said that was her big payoff getting this job. In the promo Ashley was talking about how she was going to be giving people advice on love, sex and relationships. She was talking about the telltale signs of people cheating and stuff like that.
Howard said he had some audio of Sal defending Spitzer out on the street. He played that clip where he was asking women about that case and asking women to give Spitzer's wife some advice on how to be a better wife so he doesn't go to a prostitute again.
Howard said yesterday he went home and watched FOX and Friends since Beth was on it. He said that guy Steve Doocy made a comment to Beth when she was talking about how the tinsel on a Christmas tree can be bad for pets. Howard said Steve asked Beth if she keeps the tinsel out because of Howard. He said he was wondering what he meant and someone told him that maybe the guy was referring to Howard being Jewish. The guy who wrote to him said that this was a white conservative guy and he might be an anti-Semite. Howard said he wasn't thinking that at the time. Robin said that was the first thing that occurred to her. She said she doesn't know the guy though so she didn't say anything.
Howard said they all seem frustrated over there at that show. He said that they seme to want to be big personalities but they're not. Benjy said maybe he was just making a joke about Howard being Beth's pet. Howard said he wasn't really thinking that but his buddy was pointing that stuff out.
Howard said that they talk about stuff on shows like that and they're very vague. He said that they talk about how ''they'' are taking Christmas away from them and he's not sure exactly who they're talking about.
Howard said that Glen Beck guy kind of disturbs him too. He said that he watches him and gets real paranoid. He said that he makes it seem like things are really bad. Then he found out that he was a DJ who became a Mormon and must be wearing magic underwear.
Howard played the audio of this Steve Doocy guy making that comment to Beth during her appearance yesterday. She was talking about the tinsel thing and Steve asked if she has to keep the tinsel away from Howard. Howard said he thought that it was kind of a joke about him wrapping the tinsel around his intestines. His buddy thought it was anti-Semitic but now he thinks it was just a dumb joke. Fred said that's what it sounded like to him.
Howard said he watches that show once in a while and they don't seem to be as hard core as the Glen Becks or Sean Hannity's over there. JD came in a short time later and said that he's completely wrong about that. He said that they're just as bad as them.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked about the staff party and if he would like a chess board as a gift. Howard said he has one and doesn't want another one. The caller asked what kind of board he has. Howard said it's an ebony wood board that he likes. He said that he doesn't play other games other than Chess though. Howard said it all relies on your brain and not on chance. He said that the games that rely on chance are just luck and have nothing to do with intelligence. Howard said that you play cards and that's not skill. It's luck. He said that the only other game that people should play is chess. He said it trains your brain to think 10-15 moves ahead.
Howard said if you know anything about the origin of games, chess and backgammon are the two oldest games in the world. He gave the history of the games as he knew it. He said that they came up with the games to practice for war so they could think ahead for wars. Howard said he has no interest in backgammon though. He said in chess it's man vs. man. He said at some point they came up with Go Fish but that's just retarded.
Robin said they're going to the caddy and asking him what he thinks about all of this. The caddy is saying he has nothing to do with that and he doesn't know anything. He just wants them to leave him alone. Howard said this Cori has a body that doesn't quit. He said he had to get to all of that after the break.
Howard said he wants to hear back from these women that they're willing to do this pageant. He said he doesn't want to hear that they don't want to demean themselves by doing it because most of them were working at strip clubs. He went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that they're getting some rapid action on the beauty pageant for the Tiger Woods girls. He said they might have somewhere between $50-100,000 prize. He said they'll need that to get the girls in there. Howard said that they only have 16 girls so far but by the first of the year they might be in the hundreds.
Howard said the girls have to be girls that have come out in the media and not girls who want to come out on this show. Howard said the stories are coming out fast and furious. He said Joy Behar made a joke about one of the girls being a hooker and she had to apologize about that. Howard had the audio of the Joy Behar comment. She was joking about that when Whoopi was reading a news story about the woman. Joy said that she can tell that she's a pootan. Howard said that she might not be one but the woman is a liar because she came out and lied about the whole Tiger Woods thing.
Howard played the audio of Joy reading her apology for what she said about that woman. She read that and went to break.
Howard said women are the worst. He said that Joy was joking about that woman being a whore but Barbara Walters has said that she's had affairs with married men and Joy didn't call her a hooker.
Lisa said that they went behind the scenes for the making of the special and they had a chorus singing about Howard.
Howard told Lisa that he didn't get a hair cut like she thinks he did. Howard said he has it dolled up a bit but that's it. Lisa asked what he's going to be weaning to the Christmas party. Howard said he's going to get dressed up in something. Howard told Lisa to wear high heels. She said she was going to wait to hear what Howard and Beth were going to wear. She said she's the only one going solo to the party. Howard said this will be her night, he's pretty sure of that.
Lisa said they spoke to Jane Kaczmarek about playing Jeopardy against Robin. That led to Howard playing a Hate Man voice mail about that show. He went off on Robin for only getting 5 questions right in that game. He was talking about how she keeps getting dumber and dumber as time goes on. He threw the N-word out there for her a bunch of times in that call. Howard said that guy is really out there with this comments. Hate Man was also throwing the C-word out about Robin.
Howard played another Hate Man clip where he was going off on him about the SIRIUS commercial with him in it. He said Howard looks like Skeletor in that commercial. Hate Man said it's really hard to watch. Hate Man said that he has to get rid of that awful tattoo on his arm too. He said he looks like a 15 year old with that.
Howard said he sent his father a copy of Inglourious Basterds and his dad liked the movie but thought they did take it a little too lightly. Robin said that it was kind of light hearted. Howard said his dad had to live through that stuff so he knows. Howard said his father is like 86 years old now and he's still in pretty good shape. He said his mom is still pretty agile too. He said he sends them to the gym to keep them moving.
Howard said his father is in better shape than Richard Christy who has gout. He said that his father moves around better than Richard does.
Lisa said that Jane Kaczmarek was saying that playing Jeopardy is all about the buzzer. Robin said she knew a lot of answers but her buzzer wasn't working. Howard said that you have to know the answers too though. It's not just about the buzzer. Lisa said that Jane felt bad for Robin when she got the final question wrong in the game. Howard said that Robin has to have learned her lesson this time and he hopes she's not going to go on there again.
Howard said Gary the Retard watched that episode and commented on it. He played the audio of that and it was something they put together where Gary knew a bunch of the answers and told Robin she was stupid for not knowing them.
Lisa read another story they have about Scott Ferrall being mentioned as being one of the biggest names in sports radio in some magazine.
Howard said he saw Pete in the hall and introduced Beth to him yesterday. Howard said Beth told him that Pete was eating when she met him and food sprayed on her. Howard asked what he was eating. Pete didn't remember. The Tourette's doesn't help with his eating.
Pete said he wanted to apologize to Beth for spitting on her. Howard said Beth didn't know who he was and she was wondering why he spit all over. Robin said Gary gave her a big bottle of Purell to use after she shook Pete's hand.
Howard said he told Beth who Pete was and explained to her his history. Beth was kind of grossed out by the food spraying. Howard said John Stamos is a big fan of Pete's and Pete didn't know who he was when he introduced himself. Pete said he doesn't know that guy. Howard said you'd think he'd be on his radar. Pete said it ''was just like... wow.''
Howard had Pete saying ''Sure'' after him like he had to say it every time he said it. Howard said that Pete had a date there and it was kind of disastrous. Howard said Pete was going to call her up again but he never did.
Howard said that Pete didn't have much of anything to say to that chick. He said he heard from Gary that the midget chick wanted to go out with him. Pete said he has her information. He said he might call. Gary said he gave him the information the next day and he hasn't done anything yet.
Howard said short may not be Pete's thing. Pete said that's possible. Howard said if he was attracted to her he would have been on the phone in two seconds. Howard said he chocked with that wheelchair girl Dynah. Howard played some of the audio from their date where Pete wasn't saying much of anything. He was saying ''yeah'' after a couple of minutes of silence.
Howard said he realized that he can get Pete going with his Tourette's by just saying ''yeah.'' Howard tried that and said the word a bunch of times. Howard said he could go on a date with him. He said Pete is like a toy that he can play with. Howard had Robin give it a try. She did it and Pete repeated after her too.
Howard played more of Pete's date and heard him talking while he was eating and figured Dynah got sprayed. They were talking about music and Pete didn't really have much of anything to say other than the fact that he was a U2 fan. Fred eventually started to do the ''yeah'' thing with Pete but he threw in a ''no'' and Pete said ''yeah'' instead. They went back and forth on that for a short time. Fred had Pete saying ''sure'' too.
Howard told Fred how to do the thing with Pete. At one point it was the three of them doing it and Pete would repeat after Fred and Howard. Then Howard threw Robin into the mix so it was a foursome playing the ''yeah'' game. Howard said it's like a nightmare.
Howard played more of Pete's date and threw in more of the ''yeah'' stuff. Howard said that could evolve into the regular show and it might turn into a thing they do every morning. They could do a celebrity thing too. He said they have Ozzy Osbourne and William Shatner coming in soon so they can do that with them.
Howard said he couldn't take the date thing anymore. He took a call from Jeff the Drunk who wanted to do the ''yeah'' game. He did that for a few seconds before Howard hung up on him.
Howard said he heard this was the last week of Pete's internship. Pete said that's true. Howard asked if he's going to get another internship. Pete said he's not sure what he's going to do. Howard said he knows he has to travel far to get there. Pete said it doesn't bother him. Pete said he's in school but only has to go on Tuesday nights. Robin asked if they can keep him. Howard said he'd be up for that but he's not sure why he can't stay. Pete said he's not sure. Gary asked if he had asked anyone if he can stay. Pete said he didn't want to step on any toes. He said he does want to stay.
Gary said that he will talk to Tracy about it but he has to continue to get college credit. He said they can't afford to pay him so he has to get college credit. Pete said he thinks he can do that. He said he's supposed to graduate next week but he can take other courses.
Gary said he heard that Scott the Engineer may not want him to be his intern anymore but he'll find a spot for him there. Howard said Ronnie might need an intern. Robin said Jackie was looking for an intern too. Howard said he wouldn't do that to Pete. Howard let Pete go and went to break.
Howard came back and said that Sal and Richard were busting the chops of the Tradio guy again. They took clips of the host's voice and had him talking to himself. Howard said he thought the call was creative. Howard played the call where they played the clips of the host talking about some products to sell. The host didn't seem to know it was his own voice. The host asked ''Why me'' after sighing. He took call after call of his own voice and sounded really bummed out. Howard said he could listen to that all day. He liked some of the lines that they played for him.
Howard said he was reading about the Long Island Railroad and how they have to have their own doctor. The guy was a finalist in some rap contest and he's their medical director. Howard said he wasn't exactly sure what the story was about. He said the guy calls himself the rapping physician. Howard said he doesn't want some guy rapping to him on his way into work. He said the guy should be a professional and not rapping to people on their way to work. He played some audio of him doing his rap about the H1N1 virus. Howard said it's just annoying doing that as a rap.
Howard said Sal was telling him that he's interviewed the guy before from the group ''Square Free.'' Sal said that he handed him the CD and the guy asked for a donation. Sal said that he tried to give the CD back to the guy and he demanded money. The guy flipped out when he heard he worked for Howard Stern. That's the guy they used for a Black History Month game. Howard had the audio of that to play. He had Sal asking the guy a bunch of trivia questions. The guy was very animated and didn't seem to know much of anything. Sal also asked him about Chris Brown on another occasion. Howard played that audio clip as well.
Howard heard that Sal's wife demanded that he hire her a car to get to the party. Sal said she won't ride the train because it's dirty. Sal said that his guy out in Hicksville will take care of him but it's going to cost him $200 round trip. He said that he has to do it because of the train thing.
Howard said he heard that Sal had some trouble with his toilet too and that was costing him some money. Sal said his sewer backed up a couple of months ago. They had to snake the sewer line and that cost him $300. He said the guy knew who he was so he had to tip him too.
Sal said he had a birthday party for his kids and they had a big thing in the back yard to save money. He said that his kids flushed wet wipes down the toilet and that clogged it up. Sal said there was shit all over the basement so that's why it cost him $300. He said that was on October 5th. Then a couple of days later it backed up again. He said he called Brian Phelan's brother to help fix it. He said he'd be there the next morning. Sal said that his wife was yelling at him like it was his fault. Sal said he called the guy who did it the first time and his wife said it was all his fault because of the amount of toilet paper he uses. Sal said she doesn't even know how much he uses but she blamed it on him.
Howard said that's an odd thought coming from her. Sal said the guy showed up and told him that he had a 2 months warranty and it was two months and two weeks later. Sal said that the guy told him if he was at fault he'd have to charge him, if it wasn't his fault he'd charge him $75. Sal said he told the guy they don't use wet wipes anymore so it wasn't going to be their fault.
Sal said that the guy put the snake in and had to fight it for dear life. He said it was like a fish in there. He said that everyone was flushing the toilets to get it to go out. Sal said he pulled this giant thing out of there and it was his wife's tampons. She was flushing them down the toilet! He said that's what was clogging them up. Sal said she was blaming him for it and it turns out to be her tampons. Sal said the guy was like ''Holy shit it's tampons!'' The guy asked if he had guests at the house or something because there were so many of them.
Sal said he asked his wife if she flushed her tampons down the toilet. She said she did so he asked her what the fuck was wrong with her.
Sal said the guy had to charge him for the thing and he gave him $120 for a $75 job. Sal said that he asked his wife later why she was flushing her tampons. He said that they always say not to flush them at the doctor's office. She said that's just as the Doctor's office.
Howard said Sal found a movie ''I Can't Believe You Sucked a Negro 5.'' Sal said in the videos the husband is holding the camera and the woman is telling them what they're doing. Howard played some audio from that and asked if she was hot. Sal said she was a little chunky. He said the guy was huge. Howard said the black guy was almost white based on the picture he was looking at on the cover.
Howard said that there are a lot of chicks who look like men at the strip clubs. He asked her how she got into this. She said she started to do it when she went to college and her parents wouldn't co-sign loans for her. Howard said she should tell her parents what she has to do to make money. She said that her mom knows what she does but her dad doesn't.
Alex said that she went to school in Pennsylvania and she's hoping to get into some modeling. Howard said that she had a tattoo on her that said ''Live Your Life.'' He said you know a girl is fun when she has something like that on her. Howard said he'd live his life with her. Alex said she doesn't care what other people think of what she does so she just tells them to live their own life. Howard said he's doing to do the same thing.
Howard said that Alex was wearing a Santa bikini bottom. She said she wears that to work around this time of year. Howard said it was awesome. He asked her if she was loose in high school. She said she was a little. She started having sex at 15. Howard said Gange heard that she got titties in 7th grade and she took her shirt off and showed the guys when they didn't believe she had any. Howard said he didn't think hers were real now. All of the guys chimed in and said that they didn't believe they were real either. They were trying to get her to take her top off so they could check.
Howard asked how tall she was. She was 5'3'' tall and 104 pounds. Howard said she looked like she was about 5'9'' with the shoes she had on.
Howard read some details about Alex and how she started developing at 13. He asked how much it would cost him to get a grind at the strip club. She said it's $25 per song there. Howard asked if she knows when guys blow their load. She said it hasn't happened to her. She said that she's had guys who moan but she'll just wait for them to adjust themselves. She said that they're usually gross guys but there have been a few good looking ones.
Howard asked Alex how much is the most she's ever gotten from a guy. She said she got $1,400 from one guy. She said that he must have been old and lonely. She said that guys ask her to go home with them all the time but she doesn't go. Howard said JD spent $800 at a strip club one time and he doesn't even have money.
Howard asked about Alex having sex with a girl one time. She said she was really drunk and she went down on the other girl. She said she's not into it though so she's glad she did it to find out. Howard asked if she licked the love button. Alex said she did that for about 10 minutes. Robin asked if it took that long to figure out she didn't like it. Robin said she's pretty sure she would have known sooner.
Howard asked Alex about what her boyfriend does. She said that he's a club promoter down in Miami. He gets paid to bring people to the clubs down there. Howard said that sounds like a shitty job. He said there can't be much of a future with that. She said that he gets $5 per person when they show up at the clubs. Howard said that sounds like a shitty job.
Howard asked Alex if she was into anal. She said she wasn't. She's only 20 so Howard figured it was her age. Alex said that her boyfriend wants to try it but she's not ready. Howard said the thing is not to ask. He said that's what Robin would say. She just has to get so worked up she doesn't know what's going on. Howard said that's what happened to Robin and it just slipped right in there.
Howard asked how old the boyfriend is. She said he's 25 and she's dated a guy who was 34. She said her mom is only 37 so that's kind of weird.
Howard read that she won a bowling tournament. She said that was when she was in high school. She hasn't banged two guys together yet. Howard said that she still has time to get to that.
Howard said that Alex was one of the girls who was in the Private Dance thing on Howard TV. The Howard TV guys had that playing on the monitors there. Howard said that she's really hot and he doesn't believe that her boobs are real. He asked if all of the girls there are that hot. She said that they're not. Howard said she had a nice ass too.
Howard said her boobs were too perfect. She took them out for the guys and said they're a C-cup. Benjy said that she's had work done on them. She said that he could come over and feel them if he wanted. Benjy went over and said that he was Pre-Med so he should be able to tell.
Howard told Benjy not to do a shtick. Benjy said he wasn't doing a shtick. He was actually trying to prove they were fake instead of just feeling her up like the rest of the guys wanted to do. Gange went over to her and said they were definitely real. He said he didn't want to take his hands off. Robin said that was a creepy man right there.
Howard said Alex is a beautiful girl and he may have to stop in at Tootsie's to see what she's up to. Howard said that name seems kind of creepy and maybe they should come up with another name. He gave her some plugs for that and for the Howard TV lap dance video.
Robin asked if the economy has affected business there. Alex said it seems to be doing okay down there and they're always hiring so anyone who is interested should contact them. Howard let her go a short time later. Howard wished her good luck. She was on her way out when Robin asked why she didn't tell her dad what she does. She said that he'd be upset with her because she has told him that she's a cocktail waitress. Howard asked how old her father is. She said he's 41.
Howard asked Alex about her boyfriend and if she thinks that she's going to be with him the rest of her life. She said she hopes so. She said that she's not going to get married until she's 30 though. She has a tattoo of him on her ankle but that can be removed. Howard said she's really into him if she's got a tattoo.
Jaime talked about the last time she slept with Tiger and said it was about a month before Thanksgiving. She also talked about the texts that she got from him and how she got one after his car accident.
Jaime was talking about how Tiger kept creeping up in the back of her mind with that stuff and it was hard to just walk away from it. Howard said Tiger must have been so hot that she couldn't stay away. He said that sarcastically.
JD came in and filled Howard in on some of the other girls and said that there were two Jaime's in there. Howard said Tiger is playing this all wrong and he should be out golfing. Robin said that he should be back out on the golf course by January.
Howard played more of the audio of some of the other girls being interviewed by one of the evening entertainment shows. Howard said that some of the girls used to be hot but they've gained a few pounds over the past couple of years.
Howard said he gets why guys get bored and they want to get more chicks. He said that Tiger is out of control though. He said he had $110 million in endorsements alone and that's going to go away because of this. Howard said he doesn't blame them for reevaluating now. Howard said that he was making crazy numbers with endorsements. Howard said all he had to do was play that dumb golf. He said they should do away with golf already, never mind Tiger.
Howard played more audio of one of the girls who came out and revealed what her relationship was with tiger. She was giving the details of what they were up to. She said that Tiger thought they had a connection. Howard said he had a bunch more tapes but he had to take a break. He said he had Gary working on the Tiger's Babes beauty pageant. He said he's not kidding about that. He said next year he's going to make that happen this last year he's at SIRIUS. He said he will make that happen somehow. They had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and took a call from a guy who asked about him retiring and how much he depends on his show. He said that his entire livelihood relies on the show. Howard said he's very complimented about that but he'll have to see what happens in the next year. The caller said he saw Howard at Club Bene so that shows how far back it goes. He told Howard he should do something even if it's in the afternoon. Howard said it might be enough at this time. He said that he might extend it but he's really not sure. The caller said he has to. He said there is no one like him and there is no replacement. The guy said that he's like Jerry Garcia in the Grateful Dead, there is no one that can do what he does.
Howard said he's going to think it through and see what happens. Howard said he knows what the guy means, he's making sense.
Jeff the Drunk called in and said that we all want him back all the time. Jeff said that he also wanted to say that Tiger Woods is a sex addict. That was his analysis of the situation.
Howard took a call from a guy, Bubba, who asked if he could play a Big Foot game. Howard said he would play with him and he had to get 3 out of 5 correct. He said they asked Big Foot a question and he had to guess if he'd get it right or not. The example question was ''What are areolas?'' The caller said that he knew what they were and he doesn't think Big Foot will know. Big Foot thought it was hair coming off your balls.
The game was sex related so Big Foot knew what they were going to be asking. Howard played the rest of the questions so here they are:
Howard said it was easy for Tiger to get out of that one. Howard said that's kind of creepy saying he couldn't help her out with money. Howard said he's busy juggling them all though. Howard wondered why this chick was coming out of the closet with her story. Robin said she's pissed and jealous of the other girls.
Fred said he wants to do a time table with this because it sounds like he's been cheating all along with these women. Fred said he was married in 2004 and his kids came in 2007 so he must have been cheating through all of that. Fred said the guy is a sociopath.
Howard played some other clips of even more girls who have come out talking about their relationships with Tiger. JD came in to help Howard figure them out. One clip had awful sound quality so Howard bailed out on that one.
Howard said this one girl, Cori Rist, is really hot. He said he thinks that she'd be a contender for the beauty pageant. Howard said she was on the Today Show saying that she wasn't a whore. He said that this beauty pageant would be wild and it might take the full four hours to go through all of the interviews with the girls.
Howard played audio of this Cori Rist talking about why she's coming out and talking about this. Howard said she could win the personality part of the contest too. Robin said that he's just got a crush on her, that's why he's saying that.
Cori was talking about how she was put off a little bit by Tiger just having a kid and still being out there doing this stuff. Howard said that is kind of creepy that he was out there doing that while they were doing it.
Howard had a person on the phone who said that he was having a threesome with Tiger and his baby. He also said that he was blowing Tiger during his wedding ceremony.
Another caller said that 5 minutes after this airs on the West Coast Jay Leno is going to do a Fashion Show with the Tiger Woods girls. The guy also asked if he thinks open marriage is going to be part of the culture eventually. Howard said he doesn't believe that will happen. He said open marriage never works. He said that people might try it at the last moment when a marriage is failing but it's never going to work.
Howard said he and Beth had to be realistic about their marriage. He said that they know how relationships can fail and they're going to try to get through it all but it may not work out. He said they had to agree to tell each other if they do want to cheat. Howard said that maybe 10-15 years Beth might get the urge to do some other guy and she may not tell him. He said that maybe he'll meet a chick and he doesn't want to hurt Beth. He said that's when they start with the lies. He said that they've vowed not to do that though. He said that's what they're going to try.
Howard said that you can't be naive and think that people aren't going to cheat. He said that Tiger has to be insane for doing what he did. He said Tiger should have gone to his wife and told her what he wanted. Robin said he was doing it before he got married though. Howard said he shouldn't have gotten married.
The caller asked Howard if he goes back and watches any of the old Howard TV stuff. Howard said he does. The caller said they have this Heather High Low game and this girl was so hot. He told Howard he has to go back and watch it because it was really hot. Mike Gange came in and said that the girl was the card turner and Gary was dumping water on her and she was one of the most beautiful girls they've ever had up there.
The caller said that Howard TV is putting on some really great stuff lately. Howard said they have the Beetlejuice shows up there too.
Howard got back to the Cori Rist clips and played a few more minutes of that. Howard said he thought that Matt Lauer was the one interviewing her but it was actually a woman doing the interview. Robin said that they're playing it right because women can ask questions that men can't.
Howard ended up going into his impression of his mother after saying Tiger would have passed on her bush. Howard joked that Tiger was lost in her bush as he was talking about that.
Shuli said that Steve Brandano has said he's going to clear out everyone from his Facebook account and bring it down to just his family and friends. Howard said that he's noticed that a lot of people accept anyone as a friend on there. He said Vinnie Favale and Jon Hein seem to accept anyone. Howard said even Tim Sabean lets anyone be his friend. Howard said Scott DePace has 2500 friends. Scott said he has two lists and not everyone can see his stuff. He said he can block some people.
Gary said they did a weird thing on Facebook the other day. He said he had to go back in and make everything private again after they opened it all up. Howard said that they noticed that they changed the privacy settings and they unlocked everything. He said he got to see stuff that was wide open. He said that they're so fucked up over there. Howard said they're fucking assholes there.
Shuli said they're doing something with Google over there so it can all be indexed there. Jon said that you have to find where to turn that stuff off. He said it's kind of slimy what they're doing. Robin said she's going to get off of that service now. Howard said he is too. Howard said Jason and Steve have started to Twitter things now.
Shuli said that Mariann from Brooklyn was blown off by John Stamos over the weekend. Shuli said that she wanted to get back stage to meet John but she was told that he didn't want to meet her. Gary said he got an email from John who was trying to get in touch with her to calm her down.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He did his usual rundown of the subjects they had for today's show. That led to the guys talking about Benjy's screw up when he was going to check Alex's breasts. Howard told him it was boring when he was trying to do a whole thing with the boobs when he could have just touched them. They went to break after that.
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Howard ended up talking about this guy Tyler Perry who dresses up as a woman for some of his movies and how lame that can be. Howard said that he could play a woman in a movie. He said he could play his mother. He went into his impression of his mother for a few minutes. He was talking about not shaving her bush and things like that.
Robin read a story about a guy who rigged his buddy's bed to Twitter every time the guy had sex. Howard said that's pretty creepy. The guy had it set up to give the start time and the end time and how forceful it was.
Robin read some details about the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inductees. She said The Stooges are up for induction. Howard said he doesn't get that. He said he doesn't think they influenced anyone. He doesn't know one of their songs either. Fred played one of their songs (I Wanna Be Your Dog) and Howard didn't know it. He said it didn't influence anyone. He said he's pretty sure people will be going to the bathroom when they perform at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Robin said that Genesis and Abba are also going to be inducted. Howard said that's a really weak line up. Fred played some Abba stuff and Howard sang along to that. He said he actually likes that song Fred was playing. It was ''Take a Chance On Me.'' Howard said he wants to do that song with Medicated Pete. Pete came in and tried to do the song but he didn't know the lyrics. Howard let him go since it didn't work.
Robin said that the Hollies and Jimmy Cliff will also be inducted. Howard said that's just awful. He said that the Moody Blues should be in there before some of those bands. He said that's one sucky line up this year.
Fred played some more Abba but Howard didn't know that song. He only likes that one song. Howard said he realized he sings just like Big Foot does. He said Big Foot doesn't know the lyrics so he just mumbles. He played an example of that and said he's just like that. He can't goof on the guy. they had Big Foot singing some Christmas songs and he only knew a couple of words in each song. Fred did an impression of Big Foot and had it down pretty good with the way Big Foot would pick up on a word here and there and just mumble the rest.
Howard said they tried to get Pete the Asian from the virgin contest to sing some songs too. He played that audio and Pete wasn't able to sing any of the songs either. Howard said that guy can't get laid... it's a cruel world.
Howard said he wasn't a fan of Genesis. Gary said that he wasn't either. He knows their music though because he had gone to some of their concerts. Gary said he doesn't get The Stooges either. He said that they never did anything for him. Howard said that he had to like that kind of stuff if he wanted to be Meg Griffin's friend when he started working with her. Howard said he had to lie about listening to their stuff.
Howard said Beth likes Phil Collins and Genesis. Howard said he doesn't like that stuff but he had Phil on the show and he performed some stuff. That was fun. Gary said he was asked if they were inducted into the hall of fame, would Jackie and Stuttering John be inducted too. Howard said they wouldn't be in.
Fred played some Genesis stuff and sang along to it like Big Foot would. They played some more Christmas songs that Big Foot sang along to and got some laughs out of that as he was mumbling through the lyrics.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about how Ellen Degeneres was picked as one of the stars that people would want to spend the holidays with. Howard didn't understand that. Jennifer Aniston and Taylor Swift were also on that list. Howard said he'd like to look at Ellen's girlfriend maybe. He said he'd like to ask Jennifer Aniston about Brad Pitt too.
Howard was trying to figure out what it was about Ellen that people would like. He said maybe people would like to have a chick dressed in man's clothing at their house. Or maybe they'd like to change their car's oil with her or something.
Robin read a story about a ''30 Rock'' cast member who has kidney failure. The guy is 6'11'' tall and he's suffering from severe hypertension and he's on dialysis multiple times a week. He has to lose weight before he's allowed to be on the transplant list. He revealed a lot of that stuff on the Dr. Oz show. Robin said she actually met Dr. Oz yesterday at the SIRIUS building. Howard said that he must be on the Oprah channel there. Robin wasn't sure.
Robin read some news about Tiger Woods and the endorsement deals he's losing out on. Robin read that he's taken a belly flop in his approval rating. Howard said he has to get back out and play golf. That's what people like. Robin said he was the most positively rated person for years but now he's not doing so well. Howard said if Tiger went out and won a tournament, everyone would forget about what he did.
Robin read a story about the Pope coming out to talk about global warming. She had some details about what he was talking about with all of that. Robin asked Howard what he's willing to give up to help out. Howard said he's not giving up anything. He thinks other people should give up something. He said he has a toilet that doesn't flush his doody down right so he found out that he has a ''green'' toilet. He said he wants that brown to go down though.
Howard said he had a Tootsie's calendar in front of him and they say that the place is 60,000 square feet. He said that's huge! Gary said it used to be a Costco and you actually drive into the building to park. Ronnie came in and said it was supposed to be a Home Depot or something like that and they have an awning over the front of the building. He said if you do valet parking you drive right inside. He said the place is huge.
Ronnie said they also have a ton of rooms there. Howard said they say they have 300 entertainers there. Ronnie said he has got to see the place. He said it's out of control.
Ronnie said the marketing manager for Tootsie's (Anna) was there. He said she's really hot so Howard said he'd take a look at her. The marketing manager came in and Howard asked if she has ever stripped. She said she hasn't. She was very hot and Howard said he could see why they hired her. She said she does all of the promotion for Tootsie's. Howard said she's much more exciting than Ross Zapin is. Howard said she should dance a little on the side. She said she's kept very busy with the business.
Howard asked the woman if she has gotten dances. She said she hasn't at Tootsie's. Howard asked if she had ever made out with a girl. She laughed and said no but Howard took that as a yes. Howard asked her how far ''full friction'' can go there at the club. The woman said they can grind on the guy. Ronnie said he could answer that. He said he got an amazing lap dance from the girls there. He said he didn't blow a load because he was too drunk.
Robin got back to her news and had some audio of Bill Clinton talking about global warming and what people have to do around the world. Howard said Clinton was a great president for the environment. He said that he had all kinds of rules for industries and Bush came in and reversed them all. Howard said that's just wrong.
Robin read a story about obesity and drinking soda. She said that they're trying to get people off of soda because it can cause a weight gain of 10 pounds a year.
Robin read some news about the band 30 Seconds to Mars. She had some of their music to play. She thought it was pretty good. Robin had some audio of Jared Leto talking about the band and going around the world touring. Howard said he used to watch that kid on that TV show he was on. Robin said it was ''My So Called Life.'' Howard said he was the Robert Pattinson of his day. Howard said he might be getting too old to be doing that rock star thing though.
Robin had some movie news and audio clips of people like Sarah Jessica Parker talking about stuff they're in. Robin said that Brian Setzer had to leave the stage during a sold out show he was doing last night. Howard found that hard to believe that he had a sold out show. Robin said he was doing a show in New Mexico when he had to leave stage after singing about 3 songs. Robin said that Brian had to be taken to the hospital for some reason. Robin had him play some of Brian's music and Howard wanted to hang himself. He said it's 2009, not 1943. They ended the show a short time later, right around 11:10am.
Jon played a clip from the show where Benjy was dragging it out and not getting to the point. Howard told him to get away and Gange stepped in and felt her up.
Jon said that Gange got right to the point but Benjy thought he was doing the exact same thing. Benjy said that what he and Gange were saying was sooooo different. Benjy said he was annoyed but he'll study Gange's part and do it the same way next time. Gary said that he should learn to get to the point and not drag it out because that's when Howard bails.
Gange said that Benjy was doing too much and she seemed to be creeped out. She was still there somewhere so they might have to get her in there. Gary said he was surprised that Benjy hadn't been told that he creeps women out before.
Jon was going to ask Alex if she was creeped out by Benjy or not. Benjy wanted her to ask how the breast exam was. Benjy said he wants Jon to ask how it was having her breasts felt. Jon wanted to ask if it was okay to ask if it was different the way Benjy and Gange felt her up. Benjy was still upset about the whole thing.
Alex came in so Jon asked if she enjoyed her time in the studio today. She said she did. Jon asked Alex how she felt about the guys feeling her breasts. She said it happens at work so it's not that big of a deal. Gary asked if he's allowed to feel her up at work. She said she's not sure if that's allowed but it happens. Gary said if he does that he gets kicked out of the club.
Jon asked Alex what the difference was between Benjy and Gange. Alex said that Benjy wanted to keep his hands on her boobs and didn't want to stop. Gary asked her to give him three words to describe her feelings. She didn't know what to say. She said it was kind of weird because her boobs are real. She said that she felt cold too because his hands were freezing. Jon asked how she felt about Gange. She said that he was quicker to say that they were real. Benjy said he sees so many breasts on the show but she's got amazing breasts and they are real.
A caller told them to ask her if she was creeped out by anyone in the studio. Alex said that Benjy isn't the weirdest person to touch her breasts. She said she has had creepier guys do that at work. She wasn't creeped out by Benjy at all.
Jon asked if he had asked the question in the right way. Benjy said that it was fine and they were trying to get her to say he was creepy. Jon said that saying it was ''weird'' is almost the same as saying ''creepy.'' Benjy didn't agree with that.
A caller asked if they told Alex that Benjy had herpes before he touched her. Benjy said he had a doctor test him and say that he doesn't have anything. Gary said the caller was just joking when they said that. Alex said she gets cold sores so she knows what that's like. Jon asked Benjy if he has ever had a cold sore. Benjy said he hasn't had those kind of cold sores.
A caller asked Benjy why he's such a fucking scumbag. The guy said that Howard invited him to a party and he's always got something to bitch about. He said that he always has something. Benjy said he wanted to talk to the guy for real. Benjy told the caller that he was going to bring a date but then Howard said he couldn't bring a date.
The caller said that he has been invited to a party with a plus 1 and he doesn't bring someone if he doesn't have anyone that he's dating.
That got the guys arguing about the plus 1 thing and if they should be able to bring anyone or just someone who they're dating. Gary said that Benjy was looking for one of the Tiger Woods girls so that was why Howard didn't want him to just bring anyone.
The guys asked Alex who she's dating and if she's serious with that guy. She said that she is pretty serious. She said that she's going home to him in Miami soon.
Jon asked Alex who is spending the most time with her today. She said that Gange is spending a lot of time with her. So is Ronnie.
Jason came in and said that he heard Benjy has a date with someone for the party and they might be surprised by who it is. They were guessing at who it might be and guessed that she might be Ivy Supersonic. Benjy said that he did date her. He said he didn't want to say who it was. Jason said it's not his place to say who it is. He said Benjy has to come out and say it. Jason said that they won't be happy when they find out who it is. Jason said that the person has been on the show before. Benjy said that he's seen this person on and off for a couple of months. Jon asked them to just get to who it was and say it or not. Benjy said that he wasn't sure this person wanted her business being all over the air. Jason said that her business has been all over the air before.
A caller said that he thinks that Benjy could have Herpes Simplex 1 and not even know it. Benjy said that many people have it. Alex told Benjy he can't kiss her. Benjy said it's not like they were going to be making out or anything.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that Alex seems concerned about her father finding out about her career. He asked if she's been spanked by her father or during sex. She said no and no to those. Benjy said that sometimes it's hot to be spanked. She said that it might happen when she's really drunk. Alex said she told here father that she's a cocktail waitress at a men's club so he might not be that stupid and he might know.
Jason told Alex that Tootsie's is nationwide so her father could find out somehow. She told her father that she was going to be on Howard TV too but just told him that she was going to be Miss Howard TV. Alex said he knows about her calendar picture too but he thinks that she's just a waitress.
Another caller said that they have to get that ''heeb'' Benjy off the mic with his herpes. Alex said that people are really mean to him.
One caller said that he thinks Benjy is going to bring that old lady Croy to the party. Benjy said that lady scares him. He said that she's really frightening up close. Jon asked Alex where people can see her. She said that you can find her at Tootsie's in Miami and they have a big party coming up on December 23rd. They had to go to break after that.
Gary said that the person they're talking about could be someone that they know and it might be best if he didn't bring her to the party.
Ralph called in and told Benjy to just say who it was. Benjy said he didn't want to bring it up if she wasn't cool with it being on the air. Benjy said that she doesn't necessarily want her life to be on the air. He said that he didn't want to do that on the air.
Jon asked Benjy if he was just going to show up with that person. Gary said he's not sure he'd recognize who she is. Jason said that he's pretty sure that they'll be able to pick her out.
Benjy said he was going to go call that person and ask her if she was okay being on the air. Jon said he'd wait while he makes that call.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Sal is a moron for not buying his own snake to snake out his sewer system. The guys liked his call so they gave him a Sonos S5 system as a prize. The guys weren't sure about the sewer thing and if it was a septic system or a sewer. Gary said you don't want to mess with a septic system. He said you never put tampons into a system like that. Gary said he loved the way that Sal described it as being the size of a rabbit.
Jon asked if they were surprised that Sal knew what a cuckold was. He was talking about that during the porn clip that Howard played. Jason said he thinks Sal has that wrong and it's actually any man being cheated on by a person.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked about this guy who is on Eastbound and Down, Danny McBride, and if he'd be a good guest. Gary said that he's been pitched to them before but he's not sure that he's that well known.
Benjy said that he wasn't able to get through to the woman he was talking about so he's not sure if he can talk about her. Benjy said he texted her and wasn't able to get her.
A caller asked about Howard stoping saying ''The fact of the matter is...'' every day. Gary said he didn't understand why it was that big of a deal. Jon said he thinks that Howard adapts to stuff very well and that's why he's cutting back on it.
The caller was also saying that Jason was really nice to him up there while Jon and Gary were dicks and didn't even say hello to them. Gary said that he and Jon might be busier on one day than another and they may not even know who is in there. The caller said Jon didn't say anything and just walked by. Gary bumped into him and didn't say anything. The guy said Jason was the nicest one there. Jason thanked him for that.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked if they think Howard is going to uninvite Benjy because of the person he's bringing. Gary said he thinks that he's not even bringing that person. Jon said he thinks that the guest will be uninvited but not Benjy.
Gary said that if there's going to be any weirdness with Howard then he has to uninvite that person. Benjy said that she's perfectly nice and normal and she's not going to act out. Jason came running in there to let them know who this person was and it wasn't him and Gary who were bringing this up. Benjy was upset with the person who told Jason because he told this person in confidence who it was. Gary told Benjy that if this is going to make Howard upset then he shouldn't bring her. Benjy said that he's seen her for months along with other girls.
Ralph asked why Benjy wouldn't err on the side of caution. He said that's a no brainer. Benjy said that Howard isn't his god. Gary said that it is Howard's party though. They tried to convince Benjy to think about who this person was and if it's going to cause problems. Benjy said that he's making a big deal out of this when it's really not a big deal. He never learns. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about the long day they had coming up. He said he had to get into the show since his mind was elsewhere. He said his apartment is still a problem. He said he didn't want to get into it... but then he said they're putting in stairs and this has been going on for months. He said they're going into January now. He said he's not sure who to be mad at either. He said it's a spiral staircase and it's taking forever to get it done.
Howard said the stairs are in glass. Robin said that's why it's taking so long. Howard said they had to move into the guest room to sleep because the noise from the heating system is keeping them up. Howard said Beth wanted more space and so did he so that's why all of this is being done.
Howard said he'd dreading going to bed there tonight. He said Beth wants to know where he wants to sleep and he's not sure where he wants to go. Howard said the whole thing is not going easily. He said he didn't want to get into it because there is no good answer. He said he has to live with people on top of him every day and it's not fun or funny. It's fucked up and annoying.
Howard said he had the quote to have a TV put in that was going to cost $9,000 and he got another quote from a guy who said he could do it for a couple hundred bucks. He said he's kind of freaked out by that. Howard said he's not sure if the other guy was lying to him or what. He said that guy told him there was no plywood behind the studs but it turns out there was plywood back there. He said they don't have to do 9 grand worth of work.
Howard said that stuff is making him upset and angry. He said he has to make dumb decisions all day long because of that. He said he's not sure what's going to come up next and it's making him crazy.
Howard said he comes to work all grumpy and he doesn't want to be there. He's constantly thinking about that apartment. Robin said she had problems like that too when she was remodeling her apartment. She said she had the wrong tile installed one day and she thought she was going to have the apartment back after that.
Howard said his buddy came in and used a mirror to check if he had what he needed behind that wall. He said it was what he needed so it wasn't going to be 9 grand to do what he wanted done. Howard said that guy who quoted him 9 grand was going to take 10 percent off which would have made it $8,100. He passed on that too.
Howard said he's sure he'll like this place when he's done with it. Robin said that he's going to keep having situations and he's going to have someone living with him that he didn't marry. Howard said he gets really aggravated when he goes home. Robin said she's had guys who weren't able to make things work and she's told them to return them but they don't do it until 3 days later. Howard said he's happily married and has a great wife. He said there are some good things in his life.
Howard said that Mariah Carey's husband, Nick Cannon, is taking their old job at K-Rock. He said he wants to be like Ryan Seacrest now apparently. He said Nick thinks that he's going to relate to the younger people in the audience. He said he had to get through this story before he got back to Tiger. Howard said he didn't think he was that protective of his old job at that station but now he sees that they're in the toilet and it feeds his ego. He said that it's really sad what they're doing to that station. He said he feels good about it in one way but bad about it too.
Howard said they have a year left there and he's thinking how great it would be to play god and resurrect those stations for a while. Howard said he likes his job there but he thinks he could do that. He said he's heard from people who want him back on terrestrial. He said he'd probably have to work 5 days a week though. Robin said that's not true. She thinks that he could work less than that even on terrestrial.
Howard read the article about Nick Cannon taking over their old spot on K-Rock which is now called Now FM. Howard said David Hinkley didn't even mention that he was the guy at that station for so many years. Howard said maybe it's just so removed now it's not that big of a deal.
Howard read about Nick taking over and some quotes from the Program Director over there. Howard said they were saying that he's going to have a team on the air and they think that he's going to relate to the audience. Howard said he thinks that they said the same things about David Lee Roth when he was replacing them.
Howard read that Nick was going to do his show from the K-Rock studio most of the time but he'll be able to go out to the West Coast too. Howard said that's where he went wrong. He said he thought he had to be in New York all the time.
Howard said Nick is going to have to take care of Mariah at night and things aren't going to work out for this morning show. Howard said there's something going on with Mariah too and she needs to cover up more now. He said she has to be a nightmare and a handful. He said Nick is going to have to handle that and when you do morning radio you have to be on top of it. Howard said he spends all day typing into a computer what he's going to be doing the next day.
Howard read that Nick is talking about going into work at 4am. Howard said that's not going to last long. He said he'll eventually come sauntering in at 5:45 or even 6:15. Howard read that Nick is going to do the morning show and then take care of his businesses later in the day. Howard said Nick's head is going to be spinning from the morning show and he won't want to have any meetings.
Howard said he was leaving yesterday and Tim Sabean told him he had to record a commercial. He said he read it and threw it down because he was so wasted from doing the show. Howard said just being up at that time of morning is really tough.
Howard read more about Nick's show and gave him some suggestions on what he should do. He said he knows that won't happen but that's what he thinks he should do. Howard read about how the show isn't going to be graphic since Nick is part of the ''Team Nick Network'' which is for kids. Nick is trying to be a ''real model'' instead of a ''role model.'' Howard said he'll even give Nick some advice if he wants to come on his show.
Howard read some quotes from the program director and he was making it sound like he was a winner already. Howard said they always look dumb after they fire the guy. Howard said it might not work out and no one will want to comment after they have to fire the guy.
Howard said being honest on the air isn't as easy as they think it is. He said that you really have to think about what you're going to be doing. He said it's a whole big deal to be honest about stuff and they have no idea what that really means. Howard said it would be honest for Nick to come on the air and say that Mariah Carey is his gravy train.
Howard said he was reading that there's a teen age girl who was playing in a softball league and she ended up breaking her ankle so she's suing the high school because the coach never taught her how to slide properly. Howard said he read that article really fast this morning and that's what he got from the article. Robin said she shouldn't have slid if that's the case. Howard said that's really infuriating. He said it drives him nuts that a lawyer would even take that case.
Gary came in and said he read a story about a kid who brought a bible to school and read it on her own time. The teacher told her to stop reading it in school. At the end of the story the mother said she was retaining legal council. Howard said people want someone to fuck up so they can sue someone. He said the real trauma is getting beat up or something like that. Not being told not to read the bible.
Howard read the article about this 15 year old who is suing the school for her broken ankle. Howard read that she's been sidelined for 7 months because of the ankle. Howard said they always make it worse for the law suit. They say that she needed 6 screws and a metal plate in her ankle. Howard said the girl is a little chubby. He said that they were probably trying to get her to move around and this is what happens.
Howard said that he'd like to know what else the coach didn't teach this girl. He said that it's not his fault that her cleat got caught in the mud. Howard said you can't control everything in life.
Howard said that congress voted to stop advertisers from cranking up the commercial volume during TV shows. Howard said he likes that. He said that it's really horrible and this is something good coming from the government.
Howard said he was thinking about this retarded list of Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inductees. He said he was thinking about how he'd love to see some bands being inducted but not the list that Robin read yesterday. Howard said it's Abba, Genesis, The Stooges and the Hollies. Howard said ''Yikes!'' He said those are bands he turns off when he hears them on the radio.
Howard ended up playing the Abba song he was singing along to yesterday ''Take a Chance On Me.'' Robin had gotten some of the lyrics wrong so he had to hear it a couple of times to make sure she was wrong. Howard let the song play a little bit to hear the lyrics that Robin got wrong. Robin though they sang ''Ollie Oxen Free'' but it was something else like ''Honey I'm Still Free.''
Howard said he wants to work on them doing a version of that song. He said it's a tough one to sing. He said that Robin can't get confused when he's singing ''Take a chance'' over and over in the background. Howard said Fred might have to sing lead. Robin said she could do that. She said that's one band she can sing. Howard said this might be bigger than Roll Call. Howard said Nick Cannon might want to do that Roll Call thing and he can have it if he wants.
Howard said he saw a picture of Madonna and her daughter in the paper. He said the kid dresses like her mom did and she's looking cute. Howard said Madonna is trying to cling to youth too and that's kind of sad.
Howard said he has read about kids wanting to dress up like they're older and he doesn't see a problem with that once in a while. Howard said he did that for his kids and let them dress up in grown up stuff. He said that doesn't always last forever. Robin said she saw Suri Cruise all dressed up like an adult and it was disturbing.
Howard said that girl Erin Andrews who was photographed in her hotel room is in the news. He said the guy who got caught photographing her had to be brought into court. Howard said that Erin asked the judge to throw the book at the guy because she has had to change her life. She feels that she's constantly being bothered by guys at games and stuff now. Howard said he agrees that they should throw the book at the guy.
Howard said Tiger is supposed to be running off with his buddies to some place that they won't be bothered. Howard said that a lot of this stuff is going to go away eventually and some of his sponsors will stick with him. Robin said Kobe Bryant still has some endorsements.
Howard said Tiger really screwed up because he had this clean cut image to uphold. He said he's losing a ton of money when he loses these endorsements. Robins said she saw that girl yesterday that Howard said was beautiful. She said she really was hot. Howard said he saw a picture of her in the paper today and she didn't look so hot but she is hot.
Robin was telling Howard some of the stuff she was hearing from some of the women who have come out. Howard said that he heard some stuff too and shared what he had heard.
Howard said Tiger's whole images is about being wholesome and going out and hanging with the guys is really not smart. Howard said he should be out golfing an trying to get people to forget what he was up to. Howard said going out with the guys isn't going to help.
Gary asked if anyone cares if he took performance enhancing drugs. Howard said it doesn't make any sense for a golfer. He said that it's obvious that when you look at the guy that he's huge now. He said he has filled out a lot but for golf it doesn't matter. He said that Bubba was talking about that yesterday and he's right. Gary said that he does hit the ball further than a lot of guys but it does seem that no one cares.
Robin said that one of the doctors who treats him was linked to performance enhancing drugs. Howard said when you're a doctor you have to be really smart. He said that they try to keep the bad people out with the AMA. He said he doesn't get why anyone would risk losing their medical license by messing around with performance enhancing drugs. Gary said that it's greed and that's the same as a Wall Street guy risking it by doing insider trading or something. Howard said it's different than being a doctor. He said it's insanity to do something like that.
Howard said he was reading an article about an iPhone app where you can text while looking at the camera so you can see in front of you. He said that's ridiculous. He said that people are afraid to walk down the street alone and they're constantly texting or talking on the phone.
Gary said he goes to a shopping plaza and he hears people talking to themselves and you don't see the ear piece in their ears. He said that he'll say ''excuse me'' and they'll say ''I'm not talking to you!''
Howard said George Washington was the best at handling power. They wanted him to be the king of the country but he told people that they had just fought the king to get their freedom. Howard said the guy was brilliant. Howard said they set up a great system... unless you were black or a woman. He said if you were Indian your ass was grass too. Howard said Washington was a great guy but a lot of their forefathers were assholes. He said he would get off of that since this wasn't history class.
Howard got back to the Chinese and talked about what assholes they are. He said that they don't want inspectors coming into the country. He said they're probably afraid of us spying on them. Robin said we probably would. Howard agreed.
Robin said Brian Phelan got the crew some bagels yesterday and Howard was looking at them like they were a woman. Howard said he does that every year for the holidays and the bagels look huge. Brian came in and said he gets them from House of Bagels and they're amazing. Howard said the bagels are a lot of calories and these had to be triple the usual size. Howard said they had a full package of cream cheese on them. Howard said he doesn't put cream cheese on his bagels but he would only put a smear on if he did. Howard said he can't eat that stuff because he'd fatten right up. Howard said he loves Lox too and he saw that on some of them.
Brian said they make Flagels too and they're insane. That's a flat bagel and they're great. Howard said that was some spread he had there yesterday. Howard said he almost broke down and ate one. He stuck to his egg whites instead.
Howard said he has to not eat and he's learned form Beth about will power. He said that she's got will power and she won't eat. He said he respects that more than anything. He said that's why he can be married to her. Robin said Sal came in and said he was trying to walk past the bagels too. Robin said there were plenty of people eating them though.
Howard asked if Tim was in there eating that stuff. Brian said he was eating the crumb cake. Robin said that Tim has lapsed on his diet. Howard said he can't wait for him to be full fat again. Robin said it's sad that he's going to go back because he was looking so good.
Tim came in and said that he broke down and couldn't walk by that stuff. Tim said he's sorry he got rid of his fat clothes. He said he's only gained 10 pounds though. Tim said he's going to be back on the diet as soon as the holidays are over. Howard said Tim is much happier now that he's eating. Tim said he really is. He was all happy and drinking again too. Tim said he just does that once a week. Robin said he lies like an addict. Tim said he's really going hard core on the diet after the holidays.
Howard said maybe Tim can get some clothes from Brian. Brian is up around 250-260 pounds. Howard said he has to be more than that. He had him get on the studio scale and he came in at 258. Howard said he has room to grow. He asked if he has stretch jeans or something on. Brian said they're regular jeans but he has to put his gut over them. He said he has a big ass crack showing though.
Howard said Brian is an attractive man so he's lucky that way. He said he's no pussy either. Howard said he's not worried about how he looks. Howard said he had to take a break after that.
Howard said Axl Rose was another talent that blew it. He said he was on top of the world and he blew it. Howard said that he just read that Charlie Murphy's wife died a couple of days ago. He said that was sad news. Howard said he was a huge fan of Eddie Murphy's and to live under that shadow and go into comedy couldn't have been easy. Howard said he's a great guest on the show and always funny and a nice guy. Howard said he has success of his own and he's developed his own following. Howard said it can't be easy.
Howard said Charlie has talked about being a family man on the show before. He read that his wife passed away at home after battling cancer for over a year. Howard read about the kids she left behind and how she was a great mom according to this article. Howard said he sends his condolences to him and his family. Howard said he felt bad when he read that. He said he hopes he's doing okay.
Lisa said she was checking out the cougars out there and she realized she has to make some changes. Howard asked her who is helping her out with her outfit. She said she's doing it and the receptionist there is going to help. Howard said she needs to dress inappropriately. That's what the cougar's are doing. Howard told her to call Beth and get some advice from her.
Howard said that Beth is really good at helping people get dressed. He said that Beth would never say to someone that they need help so they have to ask her for help. Howard said Beth would fox Lisa up. Howard said she'd have Lisa almost naked. Lisa knows what Beth is going to be wearing. Howard said she told him what it was but he didn't remember it. Howard told Lisa that she dresses ''frumpy.'' Lisa didn't seem to like hearing that.
Lisa asked Howard if he's going to the party unshaven. Howard said his face yes, down below no. He asked Lisa if she's going to shave. She said she doesn't talk about that.
Howard said that you should fox up at work because that's where a lot of people meet their spouses. Robin said she met a guy who claims he knows Lisa and she might have to hook the two up. Howard said he doesn't think Lisa wants men. He said that she has her cats and her violin and she's happy with that. Robin said that maybe she shouldn't try to get them together then.
Lisa said that today is the fourth anniversary of the last day on K-Rock. Howard said that was a big day. They had Cheryl Crow singing that day and they were all over Yahoo. Martha Stewart came and handed him something on stage. He said it was a very big day. Howard said that was the happiest day of his life getting the fuck out of that K-Rock. Howard said he remembers signing the contract with SIRIUS and K-Rock keeping them on the air. Howard said they kept him on and then sued him over that. Howard said that Howard TV is airing the final day rally. He said they're always on top of that stuff.
Howard said he might develop a show for himself on Howard TV. He said they might have to do a game show and then bring it to regular TV if they want. Howard said that would be their final year there. He said they have to find Lisa a man before that. Lisa told him he has to stay. Howard said he'll have to see what happens.
Howard said he read an article where they wondered if SIRIUS XM could survive without him. According to the article it doesn't look good for them if he does leave. Howard said he thinks they'll do fine without him though.
Lisa said she thinks that a lot of people would be able to keep their jobs if he stays there. She mentioned JD and Artie. Howard said JD has the best job in the world. He watches TV. Howard said he's not sure if he'd be able to find another job like that.
Lisa said that JD went to the doctor for a check up and the doctor told him to keep up on what he's doing. JD is feeling good and he's going to be turning 30 soon. Howard said he didn't know he was that old. Howard said he has to keep his job there so JD can have a job. Howard said it's no wonder he's on Zoloft.
Lisa said that they learned that Artie canceled his only remaining stand-up act that was supposed to happen tomorrow night. She said that comedian Joe Matarese let them know that Artie pulled out to focus on getting healthy and Jim Florentine is going to be filling in for him.
Lisa said that Eric the Midget is going to be performing with Bob Levy at a comedy show in January out in Stockton, California.
Lisa said that they also have an interactive time line on Sirius.com for the History of Howard Stern. They also have a poster that you can download. Howard said he saw that poster and you can barely see his face in it. They had to go to break after that.
Howard had some audio clips from the show that he played. He played one where a group was singing The Beatles Magical Mystery Tour. They were called the Beelzebubs. Howard said he had another one where four fat chicks were singing. They performed ''Dancing Queen'' by Abba. They were called Max Factor. Howard said he actually liked that one. He said he kind of digs barbershop quartets. He said they must sit around practicing that all day long. He said he and Robin are going to have to practice a lot to do the Abba song too.
Howard said it was time for the Hottest Cougar contest. He wasn't sure if he wanted to hear the intro yet. Howard said he might have to explain it first. Howard said that a Cougar is an older woman who is looking for younger men. He said they have a 40 year old, a 38 year old and a 50 year old. Fred had some cougar sound effects that he was playing whenever Howard would say cougar. The 50 year old cougar sound clip had less energy than the other two.
Howard said they have pictures of the women up on his web site so people can play along at home. He said he doesn't care what age they are. He said he's going to wait to see their personality and all of that before he judges.
Howard played a Baba Booey song parody to the tune of the Abba song he was singing earlier. Howard said that was from Psyche. They weren't sure how to pronounce his name though. Howard said they've been getting a slew of songs lately. He said they got some Ham Hands Bill songs but his don't make sense. He said that he wanted Gary to burn some of them because they weren't funny. Gary said that his favorite was the Black Hole Sun parody. Howard said he hates that one. He played it for Robin. Robin laughed when she heard the first line.
Howard played another one from Ham Hands Bill where he sings about not fucking with Howard. Howard said he thought they were so bad he shouldn't subject his audience to them. He said he's trying to capture that first song parody he did for them that won him a contest but it's just not working.
Howard got back to the contest and said it was time to play the intro. Fred played the intro where they talked about what this contest was about. Howard did his pageant host voice and introduced Robin and Gary. He said they were going to have Fred judging as well.
Howard said the first contestant was Karri Lewis and she's 42 years old. Howard said she's got a great body for a 42 year old. She has 3 kids and she's divorced. Howard said that she has a kick ass body. He asked if she dates younger guys. Karri said that she does go for the younger guys. She said she actually does some modeling and bikini work. Howard asked if her stomach is good. She said it actually is. Howard saw it and said it was a good stomach.
Howard said he thinks that she has a shot there today. The last guy she dated was 29 years old. Howard asked if she fucked him. She just laughed. Howard asked if he gave it to her hard. She said of course he did. She said that she needs mental stimulation though so she doesn't fall in love with these guys. Howard asked how old the kids are. She said that they're 15, 13 and 7. She said that she has all boys too.
Howard asked why the husband left her. She said that he was an Asian man and after having the kids he said that he wanted to have kids with a Caucasian woman but he wanted to go back to Asian women. Howard asked if she ever tried to impersonate an Asian woman. She said that she did that a few times. Howard told her she's a really good looking woman. He asked if that was a big blow to her ego. She said that it wasn't that bad because they got to a point in their lives where it was time to split.
Howard told Karri to show them some skin. She was all covered up so she took some clothes off. She said that she has to get her boobs redone because one of the implants is encapsulated. Howard said that she has to strip down if she wants to win. Gary said she has a great body. Howard said the lower half might be better than the top. Howard said her ass is great for a 42 year old. She said she runs and she lifts weights.
Howard asked if her kids are her biological kids. She said they did come out of her. Gary asked if the 15 year old's friends look at her weird. She said that they actually do and they're no longer allowed to stay over at mom's house. She said that 15 year olds are like men these days so she can't lay out in her bathing suit in front of them. She said she knew it was trouble when one of the 15 year old's friend asked her if she ran because she had great legs. Howard said he doesn't get why a guy would leave a woman like this. He said that she's really hot. He said she's a freak of nature.
Howard asked Karri if she's ever slept with a black guy. That was her personality question. Howard didn't like that so he asked her how you can tell a guy is Jewish in 3 ways. She said there's the nose, what they spend on a date and the penis. Howard said the questions were from their employee handbook. Howard also asked her what race she would exterminate if she was forced to pick one. She picked Asians because of her husband.
Karri said she brought her friend to the city with her and they're going to have a lot of fun while they're there. Howard asked her if she has done any lesbian stuff with her. She said that her boyfriend wants her to but she hasn't yet. She said that she did have a first kiss with a woman a while back. She told a story about making out with a woman for the first time and how she walked around with lipstick all over her face.
Howard told Karri not to get too excited yet. He said that she hasn't won. Karri said that Howard said she was good looking so that was great. Howard told her that her ass was her best feature.
Howard introduced the next woman. That was 38 year old BJ. Howard said that was a great name. She said it's actually Billy Jo but she's been known as BJ forever. Howard asked if she considers herself a cougar. She said that it's tough getting up to that age. Howard asked about her 3 kids. She said that she had them naturally. Howard asked how they have such good bodies after having 3 kids. BJ said she doesn't even work out. She said she has fake boobs and lives in New Jersey. Howard said her husband entered her into the contest. She said that she's been married since 21 and she's only had 3 guys in her life. BJ said she has a 16, 12 and 5 year old.
Howard asked BJ about having sex in the parking lot of a Toys R Us. She said her husband got horny and they did it in the parking lot because the kids weren't around. She said they don't have a lot of time to do that kind of stuff. She said they did it in the front seat of a Ford Explorer. Howard asked how that works. She said that she got on his lap and did it. She said it was only about 30 seconds. She said he has a vasectomy so she doesn't need to worry about condoms.
Howard asked BJ if they ever have sex more than once a day. She said sometimes it's 2 but rarely 3. BJ said they don't swing and she's never gotten it on with another woman. Howard asked what she does for a living. She said she's a bartender. Howard asked if she was going to show them a bathing suit or anything. She said it was winter so she didn't have anything else on.
Howard asked BJ if she and her husband role play in bed. She said that they do that but she's never pretended to be Asian like Karri. Howard asked if she gets hit on as a bartender. She said she doesn't get that much. She said they have younger girls there that get hit on.
Howard asked BJ what the most embarrassing sexual experience for her was. She said that she couldn't think of one. She said her best talent is chugging a beer in about 3 seconds. Howard asked her what she hates most about men. She said it's jealousy, needy guys and stuff like that. Howard asked if she wishes her husband had a bigger penis. She said ''oh sure!''
Howard moved on to contestant number 3 who was 50 year old Theresa. Howard said she looks really good too. She said she was very excited to be there. She said her boobs are fake but they're 20 years old. She has a 29 year old daughter. Howard said that's almost as old as him. She's married and she said that she still gets hit on. Howard said she's a fan of the show but not a fan of Richard's. She said that she just said that he needs to practice better hygiene. Howard said most women are shocked by Richard's hygiene.
Howard asked Theresa how long she's been with this one guy. She said that she's been married 19 years but they've been together longer than that. Theresa said that she used to hear that her 15 year old son had people calling her a MILF and she had no idea what that meant.
Theresa said that she's gone through menopause but she's still able to get wet so that's no problem. Howard asked if she swings at all. She said that they don't but they do think about it. She said that they don't want to risk screwing anything up. Howard said she's had sex in an elevator and asked how she was able to do that. She said that was in his private elevator at a condo her husband owned. She said they didn't care about the security cameras in there either.
Howard asked Theresa how young she'll date. She said they can't be younger than her son. She said that she'd probably have to stick to guys who are 10 years younger. Howard read about some of the places she's had sex and she's done it in public a lot. Howard said that not many 50 year old women have that kind of body or sex drive. Howard asked how her ass is. She said it used to be better when she worked out. Howard said he'd like to see more but she wasn't prepared to show anything.
Howard asked Theresa some personality questions like the one about exterminating a race. She said that maybe the Turks because they have always invaded countries. Howard asked her what she's found to be very beneficial in her life. She said it was probably birth control pills. Howard asked her what relative she would kill for world peace if she had to. She said it would probably be her brother because he's a great man and he's a pastor so he'd be in heaven.
Howard said all three of them look good. He said that they're 38, 42 and 50 years old and they didn't have a real boob in the house. Howard said that they sag when they get older so he understands that. Howard asked if anyone wanted to show their breasts. No one was willing. Howard asked Theresa if she wanted to lift her dress at all. She did a little bit. Howard asked Robin if she wanted to show something. She had no interest in doing that either.
Howard said they had to pick a winner now and that person is going to get $5,000. Howard wanted Robin to vote first but she told him to have Fred vote instead. Fred said that they were all hot but he was going to pick Karri. He said Theresa was his second choice. He said he thinks she fits that ''cougar'' description best. He said that vote could have changed if someone had gotten nude.
Gary agreed with Fred but BJ was close. He said that Karri's ass got to him. He said it spoke to him when she took her pants off. Howard said that you don't see many 42 year olds with an ass like that.
Howard said they had two votes for Karri so he went to Robin next. Robin said it was very difficult for her. She said that they all had great personalities but she was mesmerized by BJ's abs so she voted for her. Howard said that they had 2 for Karri and one for BJ. Howard said he could throw it into a tie or give the win to Karri. Howard said Theresa looks amazing for a 50 year old woman. He said he's seen a lot of women walk through there and she looks really tight. He said that BJ has great abs. He said they're all lovely. He said that Karri got it. He said that her personality was insanely good and her ass was great. He said he would bang that girl. He said that she really fits the definition for a cougar too. He said he had to go with her as the winner.
Karri said that they all bonded in the back room so they're all planning to go out for cocktails tonight. Howard sang a song to Karri about her win.
Howard introduced Claudia Opdenkelder from CougarLife.com which was the sponsor for this contest. She's 39 years old and she's dating a 25 year old. Howard said that's disgusting. He said she actually looks super hot. She's the founder of the web site CougarLife.com. Claudia said that she won a Cougar contest back in 2005 and she came up with the web site and launched it in February of this year. She presented the $5,000 check to Karri after that. Howard gave the other two Cougars $500 gifts from Steven Singer Jewelers. They wrapped up and went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said that women are going to date Tiger Woods no matter what. He said that OJ still gets hot chicks dating him. Howard said even Hitler had women who were willing to date him. He said that the whole Tiger Woods thing is great. He said there are a lot of people who know who Tiger is and hate him all of a sudden.
Howard said Gary heard a woman spouting off in a restaurant about how much she hates Tiger now. Howard said Tiger has to come out and start talking about this thing in public. He said he should go to Letterman and talk to him. Howard said he doesn't need that Oprah shit. He said he needs Leno or Letterman.
Howard said he hasn't heard a thing about Leno lately. Robin said it's like he has a losing formula and he's sticking to it. She said she saw some of his show one day and he's still doing the ''earn your plug'' thing which they do in a really lame way. She said they had Christina Applegate put on a blindfold and had her hug a person to figure out what they do for a living. Howard said he should just do an interview and try that. Robin said Bill Maher was on the show driving that stupid Green Car thing too.
Howard said he liked having Bill on the show but he got mad at him and he hasn't come back. Howard said Bill wanted to work with him on a project and he turned that down. He said it was a beauty pageant thing he wanted to do and that might be what made him mad.
Gary said JD reminded him that Bill called the show a ''nest of vipers.'' Howard said Bill didn't like that he told him about how he had pitched the Politically Incorrect show to Comedy Central years before Bill did it. Howard said Bill felt he betrayed him somehow. He said that's kind of retarded and he doesn't care.
Howard said he used to goof on Bill for going to the Playboy Mansion all the time too. He said that he'd be embarrassed going as much as bill was going. He said that's just a little too horn dog-ish. Howard said he doesn't sleep less at night if Bill doesn't do the show. Howard said he is a good guest though.
Robin said that Bill Maher didn't seem to care about driving around in that Green Car thing. Howard said Jay doesn't realize that no one cares about cars the way he does. Howard said he should have gotten in that car and driven to the Letterman show.
Gary read that Jay Leno had a film festival last night and he had Richard Roeper on as a judge... just like Howard did with the Howard TV film festival. Howard said that can't possibly be. He said Stuttering John must be pitching these ideas. He said that they can take every one of their ideas and they're still going to suck.
Ralph called in and said that Jay's show is so bad it's unwatchable. He said that the show stinks of being terrible. Howard said you need a good interviewer there at that time of night. Ralph said they're just doing this light, stupid shit on that show. Ralph said he doesn't look comfortable doing anything and you see his legs and not his socks. He said he really needs to be behind a desk. Howard said they should tell him to pull up his socks.
Howard said most of John's anger comes from not being able to get women. He calls them names and wishes cancer on them. Howard said a few weeks ago he found out that John has a girlfriend of sorts. she's an escort and John pays her. He said John brought her in with him today. Howard wasn't sure if he had to pay her to come in.
Howard said John brought in Natasha. Howard said she looks very conservative too. He said she's not very flashy. Howard asked if she's religious. She said she's not really but she is conservative. John said it was great to see him and Robin.
Howard said he was glad to hear he was having sex but he was sad to hear he had to pay for it. Howard asked how they found each other. John said he had internet access for a little while. He said he tried Craigslist but he didn't have luck like Benjy did. John said he had set up to meet a girl but when he rang her bell she didn't come out. John said it may have been a hoax.
Howard asked Natasha how they met. She said she was looking through Philadelphia magazine one day and saw an ad that looked intriguing. She said she didn't even know this escort industry existed. She said that it's like being a hooker and they can look at it that way. She said that they have companionship and they go out and hang out together which is more than a hooker would do. She said that she hasn't done all of that stuff with John. She has done that with other guys.
Howard asked Natasha if she has more fucked up guys than John. She said that she has other ''friends'' who are a mess. Howard asked if he's the most severe. She said that he's not. Natasha said she has blind and deaf guys too. Howard asked what else they're afflicted with. She said that she has a dwarf who comes to see her. She said that she has a compassionate side so she doesn't have a problem with that.
Howard asked what kind of money she gets. Natasha said she gets $300 an hour. Howard asked if John is banging her. She said that they have an issue. John said as a girlfriend experience she's not a clock watcher. He said that she doesn't run right out after an hour. John said that they kiss, she gives bare back BJs and he gets to lick her vagina and butt hole. He said she smells good and he gets to kiss her too. Howard said he's all consumed with licking a woman. Natasha said it's actually pleasing. Howard said that's good for her that she doesn't have to fuck the guy.
Howard asked Natasha if she likes that he licks her after other guys have been in there. She said she doesn't book things that close together. She cleans up before she visits her clients.
John said that he's right up there with Benjy and Howard as being the greatest lickers. Howard asked Natasha if he's really that good. She said he is good and she'd had an orgasm from it.
Natasha said that it's hard for John to stay hard with a condom on. That's her issue with the whole thing. John said that's his hypertension and medication for his depression. Howard told him to try it. John said he has tried it and he goes limp. Natasha said that's not uncommon for people who have to take that medication.
Howard asked John if he has asked her to bang him without a condom. John said no to that. He said he could get an STD test and then ask her. He said that he has done porn in the past so he had to have it done back then. John said that he never had any STDs. Natasha said she might be up for that if he does get tested. She said she does some soft core porn stuff so she would do that on camera with John if he wanted to. Howard asked if he would have to pay for that. She said that would be his payment for doing the movie.
John said that Natasha's vagina and butthole smell so good and he loves that. Howard asked how she looks and asked her to take her jacket off. She showed Howard what she had going on and said her boobs were ''obviously'' fake. Howard said that wasn't so obvious to him.
John was talking about how he loves to spread her ass and stick his face right in there to tongue her. Natasha said that she ends up driving John around since he doesn't drive. Howard asked if she's shaved down. She said she has a landing strip.
John told Howard that he loves to do this romantic thing with her where he sticks his finger inside of her to rub her G-spot. He then licks his finger and the women love it. Robin said she was going to throw up. Benjy told John that he should jerk off with a condom on and he'll be able to get over that getting limp thing with it on.
Howard asked John if he's in love. John said he's in lust. Howard said Gary was thinking about how wrong this is that John is spending the disability money he gets on this. John said that he has SSDI money that he doesn't have to use for rent since he moved in with his parents. He said that he gets $720 a month for that. Gary said that without that he wouldn't be able to afford this. John said of course he couldn't. John said he doesn't care that the tax payers are paying for his sex. Natasha said that the money goes right back to the tax payers since she pays her taxes. John said that it's also stimulating his penis so that's a good thing.
John only goes once a month to see Natasha. John said that he wants people to cut him some slack. He said he doesn't have any friends, he doesn't do drugs and he's a loser so he'd like to be cut a break. Howard said that he's right in a way. He said that there are a lot of guys on SSDI who use the money to buy drugs, cigarettes and stuff like that. He said John has one happiness. Gary said he wasn't trying to bust his balls but the taxes are for people who are in need of food and shelter.
Howard found out that Natasha has some female clients and some couples as well. Howard asked John if he would like to meet those kind of people. John said that he's rather just think that he's her only one.
Howard said that he'd tell John that he was the cutest guy she knows and stuff. Howard asked if she does that. Natasha said she has to be real and she doesn't do that kind of stuff. Howard asked what she says to him to build his self esteem. She said that she tells him how good he is with his oral skills and stuff like that.
Howard asked Natasha if she dates regularly. She said she can't date doing hat she does. She said that John wants to come to one of her swinger parties so he will be doing that in February. She said they do a very private party for those people at a residential spot. John said that he's been to some swinger parties and he hasn't been able to get laid at those. Howard said Natasha must be nervous about bringing John to one of those parties. She said that people might just go in another direction and not everyone is going to avoid him. Howard said he likes to hear that.
Natasha said that she rides this thing called the Love Seat and she's going to have John doing some stuff today. She's going to try to stimulate John enough to keep a condom on so he can do doggy style. Howard said she'd dedicated to doing her job. Howard asked if that's a freebie. Natasha said no. John said he hasn't shot a load in about a week so he has a massive load of cum ready for her. Howard said that's great for Natasha. Howard said it sounds like an interesting line of work for Natasha. She said it's really fun.
Howard gave Natasha a plug for her web site PhillyLady.com
Howard took a call from a guy who said that John turned down the chance to have an implant put in his hear to stop his stutter and all of this is bullshit. He said he could go out and get a job if he did that. John said he wasn't going to get worked up because he knows that's what the callers are doing. He said he's going to speech therapy now at Temple Hospital and he's tried the Speech Easy device but hasn't had much success with it.
Ralph called in and said it sounds like this chick is going to stick something up John's ass. Natasha said it's not like that. She said that she's going to try and use the vibrator portion on his ass and she'll be doing some prostate milking processes with him. She said that you can take a vibrator on the outside and it should work. Howard said it could slip inside accidentally. John said that won't happen.
Irish John called in and said he thinks this chick is just using him for a plug and he should find someone else. John said he likes John a lot but Natasha wasn't familiar with the show or with him and it's not like that. John said he was the one who brought it up to come up there. John said that she never mentioned Howard and she didn't know who he was. Irish John thought she was using him and didn't believe what he was saying.
Howard found out that Natasha has a 17 year old daughter who doesn't know what she does for a living. Natasha said that she would never let her daughter get into this. She would make her wait until she's 35 and has had kids already. She said that women don't know themselves well enough at that age to get into something like this.
Jeff the Drunk called in and said he wanted to say that today was one of John's better appearances. Another caller asked John if he's afraid of getting an STD like Benjy did. Howard said that Benjy hasn't gotten anything. He said that the callers are just busting Benjy's balls.
Benjy told Natasha that she can get some STDs from doing oral bareback. She said she knows that. John said that he doesn't have anything and he eats hot peppers so those things kill everything.
High Register Sean called in and said that he wanted to congratulate John on producing the grossest radio segment of all time. He said he threw up twice already from listening to this. Sean said that she must have to take a lot of heroin to bang this commie bastard. Sean said that the bareback blow job thing really grossed him out. He said that he wanted to tear his ears and eyes out hearing that stuff.
John didn't get into it with Sean even though they've fought in the past. Sean said that John is a spineless coward. John stayed calm and didn't fight with him at all. Howard said John has become a new man and it was a whole new John there.
Yucko the Clown called in and told them to get this mother fucking stuttering prick off the air. John wasn't getting upset though. John said that he was rubber and Yucko was glue, whatever he said bounced off him and stuck to him. Howard said he hasn't said that since he was 3 years old. John said he has a new game show for Howard TV. He wants to get a bunch of prostitutes on and he'll go in and spread their ass cheeks and lick their vaginas and assholes. Yucko said he wouldn't watch anything with this idiot on there. John said that he could also try to figure out who was on their period by licking them. Robin and Howard told John that he had gone too far with that.
John told Howard he played the most underrated Who album of all time on his way up from Philly today. He said he played that for Natasha.
Sal came in and asked if they could do a blind fold thing where they would have John sniff their asses and figure out who was who. John said he wasn't going to smell a guy's ass. Howard said that might have gotten John riled up.
Ralph called in and said he was sure he could get John riled up. He said he wasn't going to do that though. John asked why he has to call up and break his balls. John was getting upset already. Howard gave Natasha another plug and thanked her for making John happy.
Robin wondered what kind of money she can make doing this. She said that you can make $100,000 or even $250,000 a year if you market yourself right. They had to go to break a short time later.
After that commercial Howard said he was going to skip Steve Langford and Jon Hein and get right to Robin's news. He had to get his ass out of there to take care of some stuff in his life. He said something just came up and he had to take care of that.
Howard played Robin in with a song parody and said he had to hear that even if he has this other stuff going on. That was ''Just Want To Shoot My Load In Robin's Vagina.''
Robin got to her news and read that Tiger Woods has changes his number and none of his friends can get to him. Robin read some of the names of people who haven't been able to get in touch with him. Howard said that's funny. He said Tiger should have kept the number and just said he's not a bad guy, he's just confused.
Robin read some details about how Elin is trying to sign on with Puma as a spokesperson. Robin said that they want her because she's a good brand fit. They're also a Nike competitor. Howard said that's just an F-you to Tiger.
Robin read that one of the mistresses is going to do a Tiger Woods inspired porn movie. She read that story and said that they're talking about doing something for Vivid. Howard asked if anyone is even buying porn anymore. Robin said they must be selling it to someone if they're still making it.
Howard read some email about Kate Hudson being on Jimmy Fallon's show last night. The guy wrote that she's really hot. Howard said he never said she wasn't hot. He said that she just doesn't get good movie roles.
Howard had some mail about his views on global warming. Some people were telling him he's wrong about that and he sounds naive and stupid when he talks about it. Howard said some people liked hearing him just being himself yesterday and Monday and sounding happy. Howard said he's not sure what was different but if they're happy, he's happy.
Howard read some mail about the comments Steve Doocy made to Beth and how inappropriate they seemed to be. One guy wrote that Doocy was a friend of his and he had been to a Passover satyr with him. Howard said that some people want him to just hang up on people when they ask for money on the show. Howard read some mail about his discussions about Artie on the show the other day. Some people thought it was good to hear and others are sick of hearing about Artie and want him to just forget about him. Howard said he doesn't think that Artie stayed on the show just to promote his stuff like some people were saying.
Howard read some mail about Medicated Pete and how they were doing the Parrot Pete thing. Howard said some people were asking that they not let him go and fire Artie so they can hire Pete. There were some people who hated Pete though and what them to just let him go.
Robin read a story about a couple of dogs that may have eaten their owner to stay alive when the man committed suicide. The dogs ate some of his body to stay alive. Howard said of course they ate him if he didn't leave them any food to eat.
Robin read a story about the CBS producer who was arrested in an extortion plot against David Letterman. She said that he's saying he was fearing for his life after the whole thing went down and he wasn't sure of what Letterman was capable of.
Robin read a story about a guy who caused an avalanche in Colorado and managed to surf his way out of it. The guy was a snow boarder who rode it almost all the way to the bottom and started to swim toward the end when he started to sink. He ended up just being caught up to his waist.
Robin read some stuff about the climate summit and what's been going on there. Howard talked about his thoughts on Global Warming a little bit during that too.
Robin read about the new Boeing 787 that took its first flight yesterday. Robin had some audio of some people from Boeing talking about that. They have 840 orders for the plane already.
Robin read about Roman Polanski getting to stay in Sweden for a few more months while the Swiss decide if they should extradite him to the U.S. or not. Robin said that they should have a decision early in 2010.
Robin read about an Italian politician who got hit in the face with a statue while he was out shaking hands with people. He suffered a broken nose and teeth.
Robin read about Eminem being honored for his albums over the past 10 years. Billboard is giving him an award for performer of the decade. Howard said that it's hard to build a career with a name like Eminem. Howard said that's candy. Fred said that his name is Marshal Mathers so that's the M and M.
Howard said he could never be a singer or song writer because he doesn't think about his emotions or feelings. He said he doesn't write a song about it, he just goes on with his day if he gets depressed. Howard said song writers will actually sit down and write about that stuff. Howard said he should be writing a song about the guy charging him 9 grand to hang a TV.
Robin read about how Barry Williams had to get a restraining order against his ex-girlfriend after she allegedly stole $29,000 from him when she got his PIN number for his bank card.
Howard said that someone posted a note about how Scott DePace doesn't believe in man made global warming. Howard read that and Scott said that wasn't exactly what he said. Howard said Scott isn't a scientist. Scott told Howard he isn't one either. Scott said that it's possible that the sun is just getting hotter. Howard told Scott he's just a TV director. Howard said he didn't want to get into this right now.
Jason came in and said that he was asking Scott what's in it for the people who claim there is global warming if there isn't really any. Jason said Scott told him it's a conspiracy by small countries to bankrupt this country. Howard ended up arguing with Scott for a short time about all of that. Howard said he really didn't want to get into it anymore.
Howard said he was trying to tell Robin that Nick DiPaolo was back stage at some show with Louis CK and they got into an argument and may have beaten each other up. Gary said it's dated from last night and it was on YouTube. Gary said they had some stills and there was audio to that and there's clearly a fist fight going on. Howard said they were arguing so violently that they ended up fighting. Howard played the clip and Nick and Louis were arguing politics and Louis said that Republicans are such babies about stuff and Nick was arguing with him about that. Nick and Louis went back and forth until Louis called Nick a piece of shit. It sounded like Nick went after him when he called him a Nazi piece of shit. Nick told him not to do that again and he did so Nick went after him again.
Howard said that's what he'd like to see. He wasn't sure who was attacking who. He said that Nick took offense at Louis calling him a Nazi since his father had fought them. Howard said that was the funniest he's heard Nick in a long time. Howard said that was two funny men waiting to go on stage. Howard said that's why being on the road drives you to do heroin. Howard said he loves the sound of the fight too. Robin told him to replay it because she was loving it. Howard replayed the audio for her.
Howard said nick was saying that the only reason Obama was in office was due to Affirmative Action. Howard said that's what Affirmative Action is all about. Robin said that he wasn't just promoted to President. Howard said that was some great argument. Robin said it was ridiculous. Howard said he'd love to see fights like that on FOX News. He said Nick told Louis to get off of him because his hand got cut by a broken glass. He said that's not when you stop a fight. Howard said they have to get Nick in there to explain all of that. Robin said they should get both of them in there to recreate it.
Robin read a story about some fraudulent charities that were collecting money on the streets of New York. Howard said he was a Salvation Army Santa when he was young. He said it was actually very affective and this kind of thing screws it up for everyone. Howard said he never took any of the money out of the bucket for himself but he had suspicions about other people. Howard said he was in the Key Club in high school and he ended up doing that. He said he quit that whole thing when he figured out he wasn't a cool guy that they were going to pay attention to. Howard said it was all about getting girls and it didn't work.
Robin read that Jack Lalane went in for surgery the other day. He's 95 years old and he's doing fine. Robin said he's so old his parts are wearing out but he's doing fine other than that.
Robin read a story about a woman who was sentenced to life in prison for killing her infant son. Robin said her husband asked the court to forgive his wife. He still loves his wife and thinks she's an excellent mother. She cut her kid's throats with a knife in 2008. One of the kids died and the other survived.
Robin read that televangelist Oral Roberts died yesterday. He was 91 years old. Howard said he used to do the laying hands on people thing. He said that they tried to do that with Artie's father and it didn't do anything. Howard said that guy's life was like one of those homeless jars that they outlawed. Howard said that guys' life was all about begging and laying hands on people. Howard said he's not sure who was dumber, him or the people who gave him money.
Robin read some movie news. She had some clips of some stars talking about their movies. She had some audio of Jeff Bridges talking about his new movie. She had some Anna Farris audio where she talked about the new Alvin and the Chipmunks movie she did a voice for. Howard wrapped up and ended the show around 10:50am.
Jon asked Gary how he defines a cougar. Gary said that the CougarLife.com people said that it can be any age but they went for between 35 and 50.
Jon and Gary talked about how all of the women had kids and some of them had really good stomachs. The youngest one had a great stomach accordion to Gary.
Jon played a clip from the contest where Howard gave his vote to Karri which gave her the win in the contest. After the clip Gary talked about how Brilliant Fred was with the sound effects in that segment. He said that he loved how he had a different Cougar sound for the 50 year old than for the younger ones.
Jon said that Karri was able to charm everyone in there and that seemed to help with her win. Gary said that she may have gotten extra points for showing her ass.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked how they stack up to a 21 year old. Gary said the winner looked really good but she's twice the age of a 21 year old. Jon said that they all looked great and he doesn't think that they had facial work done at all.
The caller asked what happened with Artie yesterday and what Howard said about him. Jon gave him a quick rundown of what Howard said about Artie and how he has a good sense of appreciation for the show history unlike Jackie. He also hoped that Artie would get better. the caller said he thinks Artie is back on heroin. Jon said whatever is going on, they hope he gets better.
Gary also pointed out that Howard had said that if they were inducted into a Rock and roll Hall of Fame that he would let Jackie come back but not Stuttering John. Gary said he still finds it interesting that John worked so hard to work his way back into Howard's good graces and then he screwed it all up when he posted some negative stuff about him on Facebook.
Fred showed up so Jon told him about how funny everyone thought the cougar clips were. Fred said he thought it would be funny to play those clips every time they said ''cougar'' and he asked Scott to give him a variety. He wanted the slow sounding one for the older of the cougars.
Fred said he gave that Karri a high score as soon as she walked in and he was wondering if anyone else was going to be that much hotter. He said that she held her own through the whole contest.
Gary said that he may have voted for BJ if she was a few years older. He said that she was right up there for him. Jon was wondering why Robin didn't want to vote first. Gary said he thinks that she feels weird critiquing women like that. Fred said she may have been afraid of insulting someone. If that's the case she's on the wrong show.
Gary said when they did the Miss Butterface contest he had a guy enter a woman in the contest and she didn't know what the contest was about. He said he had to tell her what it was about and tried to break it to her lightly. He said it was hard to tell her that it was for women whose bodies are so much better than their faces. She took it pretty well when he told her.
Another caller said that the women who were married shouldn't have been in the contest. He said that you can't be married and be a cougar if you're not going around looking for younger guys. Gary said they went with the rules that the people at CougarLife.com gave them.
Another caller asked who made the rules because she's 35 and she thinks that's really young. Gary said that's young but it's just a young cougar. Gary said the people from CougarLife told them that it was from 35 to 50. Gary said that older women are considered a badger or a wolverine. Gary and the caller went back and forth on that for a short time.
Benjy asked what sounds hotter to them, Cougar or MILF. Gary said the Cougar sounds hotter because she might be willing to fuck you. Benjy said that MILF thing sounds hot to him.
Gary said the woman from CougarLife.com was 39 or something like that and the guy she's dating is 25. He said it didn't sound that much different to him but when he saw the guy he saw the big gap in age. He said he looked really young for her. Gary said he looked very young for her even though she was hot.
Jon asked Fred if he would want his daughter involved in something like that. Fred said that she won't have anything to do with a contest like that. He said that she will never be near Benjy or Benjy Jr. Fred was also saying that his daughter who is 7 knows some of the characters from the show and she loves the name Baba Booey.
A caller thanked Fred for making him laugh his ass off. He said he's looking forward to the return of Kurt Waldheim too. Fred said he's looking forward to that too. Gary told him to hurry up with that because he'll probably have to work on a Film Festival soon too.
Gary said that one of the best Kurt Waldheim skits was one of the video tapes that they put out. He said that Fred was dressed up in a Nazi outfit and they had to go through a lot to get that outfit. Gary said he had to sign a letter telling them what they were going to do with it. Gary said that he was fully responsible for it too and if someone stole it and did anti-Semitic stuff with it, he would be responsible. Gary said that on the belt they had written on it that it had been used in the Sound of Music.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he had to take exception to what Gary was saying about John the Stutterer using disability to pay for his escort. The caller said that he gets disability too. Gary said he wasn't upset that he gets disability but he was upset that he was spending so much on paying for an escort. He didn't know he was spending that much on an escort. The caller said that he's not sure what John did in the past but they rate it on what you made. Gary said he's not upset about him getting it. He said he's upset about how he's spending it. The caller said that it came out of his own pocket though. Gary said it comes out of everyone's pocket.
Benjy told the caller he could get 4 sessions a month with the kind of money he's making. The caller got a laugh out of that but said he's not doing that.
Benjy said that John could make a better deal than $300 a month. He said he should be able to find someone who will do the same thing cheaper. Gary said that he's got something going on with her and he seems to be attracted to her. She also picks him up in her car so that's another bonus.
Gary talked about going to the Playboy Mansion and how they hired girls to work there to turn guys on and they would get up and leave when their time was up.
Jon said that they're happy for John and that he has a woman. He said that John was talking about how great Benjy was too. He asked if that was about his internet dating ability or his ass licking abilities. Benjy said he's not sure which one it is.
Gary said he thinks that John could get a real girl. He said that even Elephant Boy and Hight Pitch Eric have had girls. Fred said that he must have some sort of thing going on. He said that today he did seem more relaxed and maybe that will help him find someone.
A caller asked why Fred didn't do his impression of John today. Fred said he didn't get into that stuttering groove and he was more interested in hearing what John had to say. Gary said it was like Fred was trying to stick something in the wheel of a wheelchair near the stairs.
Jon took another call from a guy who said it was great to hear Fred on the show. He asked if he's appearing anywhere in the Philly area. Fred said he's going to be in Montclair in January but that's as close as he's getting.
The caller asked if they're upset with John spending his SSDI on prostitution. Gary said he was upset about it and they spoke about that earlier. Fred said that he's upset that people like Jeff the Drunk can spend that money on cigarettes, alcohol and stuff like that.
Another caller said he loves Fred on the show. He asked Gary if he would allow a listener to sponsor a contest or does it have to be a business. Gary said that the company that sponsors it spends dramatically more than that on advertising with them. Gary said he can't just take money from one person for a contest. Fred said there's something not legal about doing that and he's not quite sure what that is. They had to go to break after that.
Gary said that they planned to have everyone come up and speak but they lost control of the show and Howard was hardly covering the stuff they were doing on the street. He was busy talking to his parents and stuff like that.
Will said that he was up in the office there and he was in the studio with Howard on his last day and it was just him and Howard for a few minutes so that was kind of odd. Gary said they got on the bus and drove over to the Hard Rock and had a party over there. Gary said it was a great event.
Gary said it felt really weird the next day. He said that they were done with one job and they hadn't started the new job yet. He said that it was really strange that they were leaving like that. Gary said that he had the feeling that they had really done this and it was over.
Fred asked if they shot it on TV that day. Gary said that they got it all on video as far as he knows. Jon Hein said that he was down there for the John the Stutterer speech. He said that everyone was doing their impression of John.
Fred said that those people who showed up got a very special show out there. Fred said that those were the hard core fans who showed up and they got something special. Benjy said that by the time he got there the street was closed and he wasn't able to get up to the studio. Fred said that's because he always showed up late. Gary said Benjy lived like 100 steps from that building too. He still showed up late.
Benjy said that he did a Hitler speech that day and he thought it was going to be a big thing in the news but it never did happen so he had to explain it all.
A caller asked Fred what he really thought the day that Howard gave Robin a car. Fred said he was surprised. The caller asked if he was surprised he didn't get one. Fred said Howard and Robin have a very special relationship and he doesn't tell anyone what to give him so that's Howard's personal reason.
Will said that Robin had just thrown him a very lavish party just weeks before that. He thought that was Howard's response to that.
Jon asked the guys if they have envy for Howard and Robin's relationship. Gary said he doesn't think of it that way. He said that they're like brothers and sisters there and they don't fight about that kind of stuff. Benjy said he gets the feeling that Gary has the most social interaction with Howard. Gary said he really doesn't. He said that he talks to him because he has to and he doesn't pick up the phone and talk to him on a regular basis. He will call him sometimes but not all that often.
The guys were wondering how Sal just gave up on going after Howard as a friend. Fred said he thinks that Sal might get a false sense of hope at the Christmas party and he might start in with that again. Gary said that Sal is invited to those events with an asterisk next to his name. He thinks Sal knows that. Fred said he thinks that Sal still thinks he has a glimmer of hope in him that he will get to be Howard's best friend.
Gary said that time Sal came to him and talked about how he wanted to hang with Howard was so funny. He said that Howard thought Sal was just joking but it turned out he wasn't.
Jon took a call from a guy who said Fred is like a Don Rickles of sound effects. He said that he had to change his ringer tone on his phone when Fred would play the clips for Robin months ago. He said that he would go to pick up his phone every time he played that clip. He was also telling Fred he loves when he and Artie are goofing around together on the air. Fred apologized to the guy for annoying him with the clip but he loved watching Robin going for her phone every time he played it.
Gary said he loves the clip he plays of Robin getting all cranked up and sounding like a cat. Fred said he loves that one too. Gary said he loves the guy falling down the stairs and the guy saying ''Leave me alone, why me, why me, why me...'' and the guy screaming too. Fred said he likes that one too. Jon asked how many clips he has. Fred said he must have over 1000. He said that he forgets about some and finds them after a while and he'll just throw them in.
Gary said Fred has two machines called Instant Replays that have like 50 buttons on it. He asked Fred if he looks stuff up alphabetically or does he just know where it is. Fred said he does both. He knows were a lot of it is and he has to search for some.
A caller asked why Benjy is disrespected by Howard all the time. He said he's been with the show for so long and Howard just goofs on him all the time. Gary said that 6 years ago it was even worse and Howard has respected him more since they moved there. Gary said Howard might be doing a bit but that might be because it bothers Benjy so much. Benjy said it's been an 11 year bit.
Gary asked Benjy if he feels more respect there than at K-Rock. Benjy said he feels more respect because he has a desk there. He wasn't sure how to answer that. Fred said that Benjy can't even answer how old he is so it's not surprising that he can't answer. Benjy said he does have a job there still but it's weird that he doesn't get any positive words from Howard. He said that might have to do with the fact that what he does is kind of invisible.
Gary said at K-Rock Benjy didn't have a light on him so when Howard would talk about him, the Howard TV guys would turn the light on him and it would look like a jail break or something.
Will said that the respect has gotten better since they moved there. Fred agreed that his stock has gone up dramatically since they moved there. He said that part of the joke with Howard is that he sees Benjy getting tweaked so he keeps doing it. He said that's like him goofing on John the Stutterer and getting him worked up.
Another caller asked if Fred has any sound effects of himself. Fred said that his sound effects are him. He said it might not be his voice but that is him. Gary said there have been some things that Howard used to play but they don't have them anymore. Fred said it would be weird to play stuff about himself. He said it would be like hitting himself in the head with a hammer. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the final live show of 2009 talking about how they take ratings in radio now. He said he got a little bit envious. He said when he got into radio they took the ratings by sending out diaries to a couple of people and they write down what they listen to. Howard said he never thought they were very accurate. He said that not everyone is going to take the time to write down what they listen to every minute. He said that if you're a guy and listen to light rock you might write down you listen to rock. Howard said they don't write down everything they listen to.
Howard said the whole science was kind of ridiculous and it was more of a popularity contest. He said you might say you kind of listen to something even if you don't really listen to it. Some people claim they listen to classical music but they don't really listen. It's a snob thing. Howard said some people say they only listen to NPR and they're full of shit.
Howard said they have this thing called a people meter and it picks up on what you're listening to. That makes it more accurate. Howard said if that thing is on you then it picks up on whatever you listen to. Howard said even if you go into a store and hear it then it knows.
Howard said he used to get calls from people saying they got the diaries for Arbitron and they would ask him how to fill out the diaries. Howard said he knew people who got fired for having diaries and filling them out in their favor.
Howard said that some program director has to figure out what the audience wants to hear and that's not that easy. He said Scott Shannon is one of those guys who stays in his position at WPLJ forever. He said he's figured out how to program for the retards that listen. He said the station is unlistenable but the guy has talent for figuring out how to program it.
Howard said programming is really hard. He said he would get the calls about filling out the diaries and they represent millions of people. Howard said he's an honest guy and he wants to win honestly. He said he doesn't want to cheat. He said that radio guys used to get away with sending letters to people saying that they didn't want them to fill out the diaries for them. Howard said he never said that he wanted them to fill it out for him, he would just say that if they actually listened then they could fill it out like they wanted.
Howard said he isn't saying it's not happening now. He said that he's an honest guy himself so he would never do that stuff. He said he's so honest that it's bizarre. He said he was in a parking lot one time and saw two 20's laying on the ground. He wouldn't pick it up because he figured the person who lost it might come back. Robin told him that's stupid. She said that's not just being honest. Howard said he knows that.
Howard said he knows guys who went down for the diary filling out. He said that guys would fill out the diaries and find out that they were in cahoots with the radio station. Howard said they know that you don't listen to the same thing for 24 hours straight.
Howard said they now have this people meter thing and he never got a crack at that. He said that everyone's ratings went down after that thing came out. Howard said he had the opportunity to be syndicated into Canada on a couple of stations. Howard said they have some diaries but they also measure cars with a radar gun-like thing that can tell what everyone is listening to in their car. Howard said that they went to number one in Montreal in one day with that type of ratings service.
Howard said they shot right up to number one overall. He said it was in one day and it was phenomenal. Howard said they ended up conspiring to get him off the air up there. He said he never had ratings shoot up like that. He said that they were probably number one in Los Angeles the first day too but it took a while to show up in the ratings. He said people won't write down your name until they become big fans. The whole thing is ridiculous.
Howard said he hears about the People Meter now and people are freaking out. IT turns out that more men listen to soft rock then was ever revealed in the old ratings. He said they found out that 33 percent of the audience is men. Howard said they say that guys claim they have to listen to it in the car with their wives and stuff. That stuff was never reported in the past.
Howard said the People Meter found out that people don't listen to the classical music like they thought. Those stations are going away. Howard said they found that a lot of stations they thought people were listening to were not being listened to. Howard said he'd love to go back to terrestrial radio just to give the People Meter measure his ratings. He said he wants the people who said they never listened to him but actually listened. Howard said he'd love to find out what kind of ratings he really had.
Howard said the way they do the ratings up in Canada was great. He said he loved that he went to number one that quickly and found out about it immediately. Howard said he would go back to terrestrial just to try that out. He said that intrigues him.
Howard said he hears radio guys complaining about the People Meter. He said that they also complain that they're giving the thing to Hispanics so that raises up the ratings. Howard said the old way was very unscientific and they once decided to give more ratings books to Hispanic people and that dropped his ratings after 11 years of number one spots. He said he knew what was going on but he didn't whine about it too much. He said they would have called him a sore loser if he had. Howard said it was embarrassing for him to lose to a Hispanic station too so that wasn't something he wanted to complain about.
Howard said radio is a weird business and you end up getting screwed over a lot. Howard said he remembers one of the jocks at one of the stations getting a diary. He said the guy came to him and told him he had like 5 of the diaries with the family. Howard said the guy said he was going to write his name down and this was when he was just starting out and not making that much money. He said he was worried about the whole thing. The guy told him he was kind of jealous of how good he was on radio and that was a big deal. Howard said those diaries represented thousands of people.
Howard said the People Meter gives everyone level ground so that's what he'd love to try out. Howard said no one in the business is making money and everyone is worried about getting fired. He said that there's huge temptation to cheat. Howard said they ratings they got were honest as far as he knew. He said that may have hurt them though. He said everyone else cheats and he knows it. Howard said he's seen a lot of shit go down over the years.
Howard said some people go down to Arbitron to read the diaries. He said that one of their old bosses used to go down to read them. Howard said that reading them gives you no information about programming your station at all. Howard said they did it anyway and they did shitty no matter what they read. Howard said they used to shake in their boots about what they might read in there. He said the good thing about it was that the Program Director would be gone for a couple of days. He said you'd feel so good about that and enjoy the job for a couple of days.
Howard said the stations used to want to take him out in a helicopter to see the communities he was talking to. Howard said that was so retarded. He said he was number one wherever he went and he had no concept of the community he was broadcasting to. He talked about how boring local stuff can be and how pointless it is. He said people don't want to be bored to tears. They want to hear fun stuff.
Howard said he was busting his balls to make a good show and he was getting fucked over by the Program Director's science of the diaries. Howard said he was after 18-25 year old dollars and he knew what he was doing. He said he didn't need some PD telling him what to do. Howard said they wanted him to get high school kids and that was like the kiss of death.
Howard said they used to tell him that Imus' ''Moby Worm'' was more popular than him. Howard said he hated Imus. He hated Pig Virus and Imus. Howard said he hated every time Imus would come into the room to see how his show was done. Howard said his revenge was beating him. He said the day Mel hired Imus made him sick. Howard said that was Mel's business. He said he knew that day that it was all business. He said it wasn't a friend thing when Imus was brought into the company.
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Howard said they're now saying that Tiger's wife is leaving him. He said the best revenge for her would be to go out and fuck other guys. Howard said she should fuck all of his friends.
Howard said he got an email from a woman who said she was married for 6 years and with the guy for 12. She said she left the guy when he cheated on her. He admitted to 14 women while they were married. The woman ended up sleeping with men she had eyed in the past and the guy ended up getting into fights with some of the guys and threw her on the bed for doing the same to him.
Howard said people loved the Cougar show yesterday. Howard said one person wrote that it was ''won of the best shows.'' Howard read through some of the feedback about that contest and there was a lot of positive stuff in there.
Howard said he's not supposed to be giving interns alcohol and stuff too so that's another reason. He said he didn't want to get involved in all of that.
Howard said he's having this party and he told everyone that they could bring someone. Howard said he wanted them to bring wives and girlfriend's. Howard said he figured it would be fun for the people who don't usually get to bring a girlfriend, boyfriend or spouse to something like that. Howard said he remembers his mother getting upset when his father would get invited to a party without her. She would sit home complaining about it.
Howard said a couple of people around there had invited some people who they had met on Facebook and stuff. He said that he didn't think that would be the best thing for the party. Howard said he told the guys that if they're not that close to them they don't have to bring a date. Howard said they don't have to use that +1 just because it's there. He said that some people are going to be there just because they're fans of the show. Howard said he doesn't want one of JD's Facebook friends staring at him at the party. He said if JD had a girl he was seeing for a while that would be fine.
Howard said Benjy, who he loves even though he gets annoyed on the air sometimes, is very thick headed. He said that he's with somebody who was on the show. He said that he doesn't remember her very well but she was kind of wild on the show. Howard said the guys refreshed his memory about who she was. Howard said he told Benjy to just use his common sense about who he brings. Howard said he found out who this person was and he wondered if she was going to be disruptive. He said he doesn't want any spies at the party. Howard said she might call Page Six with stories from the party. He said they don't need that.
Howard said he got a note from Benjy last night in the email. Benjy said he sent the email to Howard's assistant. Howard didn't have the email but Benjy did. He read the note where it said what the girl's name was. Benjy read the note where he said he is okay with not bringing a date and didn't want to cause any problems. Howard said that's not the note he got from him. Howard said he thought he said at the end of the note something that upset him.
Howard said he read that note and sent it to Gary. He asked Gary what he made of that. He said that Benjy was putting it on them about what he should do or not. He said Benjy is the one who should be figuring out what to do instead of asking other people. He asked Benjy if he can do that for once in his life. Howard said he knows he dated Ivy Supersonic but if it was her, he would tell him not to bring her. Benjy said she was always fine around him.
Benjy said that this is like the cat thing with Beth. He said that Beth was saying that they talked about it and Howard was happy with the cat but Howard was saying that he didn't want it on the air. Howard said he told Benjy that he can have someone at the party but he has to use common sense about who to bring.
Howard said he was going to give Benjy a clear signal. He told him to bring a date... but bring a date that he knows is not going to cause problems. Howard said he wants him to use common sense.
Fred got in on the discussion and told Benjy that he has to think about this for once. He said that Benjy wants Howard to say it's okay to bring this person. Benjy said he's been seeing this girl since October off and on. He said he has no concerns about this person being a problem. Howard asked him if he has any concerns at all.
Howard said he's seen this girl's behavior on the show. Benjy said she was encouraged to behave like that. Gary said they didn't encourage her to show up the way she did on the show.
Gary said Benjy was saying in his note that he knew what Howard wanted but then he tries to brush it off at the end of the note. Gary said Benjy told them that she's not even that significant in his life. Benjy said that they have had sex. Gary said he doesn't get why Benjy can't see that someone who came on the show and had erratic behavior might be a problem. He said that it's not that important to bring her and they shouldn't even be talking about this.
Howard told Benjy to bring a date and bring someone who isn't going to be a complete asshole. Benjy said that when you put it like that then they're going to be scrutinized. Howard said he wants him to think about how McCain picked the wrong person to run with in the election. He should pick a Joe Biden instead of a Sarah Palin to this party. Howard told Benjy that he can bring someone but don't bring a goof.
Robin wondered why Benjy is unable to figure this out. She said it's been weeks of discussions. Benjy said that's BS and they haven't been talking about this for weeks. Benjy said that it came up on Monday. Howard said it was two weeks ago. Benjy insisted it was Monday.
Howard said he's going to tell him what his decision is. He said that Laura isn't the person to make that final decision even though that's who Benjy emailed. Howard told Benjy to bring this girl. He said he wants to meet her. He said that Benjy had just won. Benjy said it's not that big of a deal to him. Howard told him to just bring her so he can move on.
Howard had to move on from this conversation so he cut Benjy's mic off. Benjy was still yelling in the back of the studio. Howard said he made the decision and they're moving on. Fred wanted to know if anyone else has sent an email regarding this. Howard said no. Fred said that Benjy is the only one making a fuss about this. Howard said he's looking forward to meeting this girl at the party. He told Benjy to just bring her.
Howard had some audio clips from the Wrap Up Show where they were talking to Benjy about the date. In one clip Ralph was asking Benjy why he would risk bringing someone to the party that might cause a problem. Benjy said that Howard wasn't his god so that's why he would do that.
Howard played the audio from the Intern Show where they asked Pete about Scott being jealous of Howard since he was voted the most jealous in the survey Wolfie did. Pete was saying that Scott is jealous of him and of Howard. Pete said he's heard Scott say many comments about Howard. He said he heard Scott that morning talking about how Howard has all the money in the world and he's still miserable. Pete said that kind of stuff goes on every day with Scott.
Howard said Scott does that stuff every day back there. He said that no one is better to Scott than him. He said he brought Scott there to work with them and he still has problems. Howard told Pete that was great. Pete came in and apologized to Scott for throwing him under the bus. He said that he just got kicked out of his studio.
Howard said all Pete did was confirm what he thought. Pete said he felt really bad about doing that. Howard started to do the ''yeah'' thing with Pete where Pete has to repeat after him. Pete said he was really sorry about Scott because he's been really nice to him.
Howard said Scott can't lock him out of the room. He said that he should go back and tell Scott to apologize to him for locking him out. Pete said he wasn't sure he could do that. Howard told Gary to make sure that Scott lets him back in.
Howard said there's not much for him to bitch about there. He said no one comes to him and tells him he shouldn't have done something. He said no one even checks to see if they're there. He said the only way they would know is if Ross told Scott Greenstein. Howard said Scott doesn't even listen to the show. He said he's not sure the guy is aware of what they do there. He said he likes that. That means that he's busy with other shows there.
Howard said terrestrial radio was horrible and he remembers Tom coming to him with the list of stuff they had to hit the button on. He said that Tom would do that every day and it just sucked. Robin said they had to go through old tapes to censor those too.
Howard said he's really excited about this History of Howard Stern: Act III. He said he's heard pieces of it but he's looking forward to hearing the finished product. Howard said if they did this on terrestrial radio it would cost them a ton. He said they have a team there that works on this all year long. Howard said they turned all of the old tapes into digital stuff and they would have had to have sold this stuff on terrestrial radio to be able to pay for it.
Robin said she heard a guy talking about how they had too much to fit into a two week time period because they had so much to cover in this time period. Howard said the special starts on Monday morning at 6am. He said they cover both books, the E! show and a lot more.
Howard said they have a kick off special this Friday with Jon Hein and Gary Dell'Abate. They will be doing that on Friday at 2pm on Howard 101.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Benjy is a pain in the ass and he was saying on the Wrap Up Show that he'd rather not go. Benjy said that wasn't exactly what he said. The caller said that is what he said. Benjy said that the context of wasn't what the guy was making it sound like. Gary told him that he had the audio and he'd have it available in 15 seconds or so. They got back to that later in the show at the end of the next segment.
Howard asked Richard why he bathed just for the proposal. Richard said he wanted to smell good when they went out to dinner.
Richard said he actually heard from a podiatrist about doing a public service announcement about his gout. He said they go to this restaurant in Long Island City called She and it's great. He said he just got a new cable provider out there and they have like 15 public access shows to make prank calls to.
Richard said they did a call to a Santa Claus on public access that was great. The audio wasn't very good though so they didn't give that to Howard. Richards said they had a Santa and a Mrs. Claus. He said the Elf recognized his voice. He said the elf said ''Nice try Richard...'' when he heard him asking a question.
Howard asked Richard about the proposal and how he did it. Richard said it was nothing fancy. He said he just had her close her eyes and put the ring in front of her. He said that it was the fourth anniversary of when they met at the last day at K-Rock.
Howard asked if he told his girl that he wanted to share his smell with her the rest of his life. Richard said that's not what he did. Howard did an impression of what his dad might have said to him about this girl. Howard said his girlfriend is a former intern on the show. Richard said he met her after she was an intern. Howard said he's happy for him and he's looking forward to hanging out with them at the Christmas party. Richard said she thought the ring box was going to be earrings when he put it in front of her.
Richard said he had some booze to drink at dinner. Howard asked him if he's afraid of the gout thing when he's drinking like that. Richard didn't seem to care that much. Howard said that Richard makes it seem like he's not drinking. He had tequila, champagne and some mimosas. Richard said it was a special occasion. Howard told him he has to get that under control. Richard said he didn't drink for two weeks while he was on his gout medication. Howard said his body is screaming at him to take it easy.
Richard said they say if you have two drinks a night then you're an alcoholic. He said two drinks isn't that much. Gary said he heard that Richard is going to get drunk at this party and he's going to go to the SIRIUS party after that. Howard said he didn't get an invitation. Richard said they all got the invitation and they hold it in the lobby there. Howard said he wouldn't go to that anyway.
Howard said that Richard really has to watch his drinking. He said that he has to cut down or quit to keep that gout away. He said that Richard walks around like Frankenstein when he has the gout.
Doug Goodstein came in and said that Richard had like 8 drinks yesterday at their party. He had that on top of shots. He figures that Richard is going to ''re-gout'' if he keeps that up. Howard asked if Christy is going to take his last name so she's Christy Christy. Richard said she will. Fred joked that her middle name was Chris. Richard said her name is actually Kristin but she likes when they make it sound like it's Christy Christy.
Howard talked about the voice mails that Richard's dad leaves for him about the dentists in New York and how they don't always work out very well. Howard wondered if his dad was warning him about his girlfriend too. Richard said he doesn't do that but he did have a new voice mail from him about some possums eating the eggs in their chicken coup. Howard played that one and goofed on that for a short time.
Gary told Howard he had the Benjy clip to play too. Howard played the clip where Benjy said that he didn't care to go to Howard's Christmas party. Benjy had said that he didn't want to be invited to a party without a plus 1 again. He said it was fine not to invite him to a party if it wasn't a plus 1. Howard asked why he has to go with someone to a party. Benjy said he's not saying that he has to have someone there. He said it is more fun though. Howard told Benjy to just bring his girlfriend. He cut the clip off and cut Benjy's mic off again.
Howard said that Benjy doesn't get that there's an expense involved when you do a plus one. He told Benjy to just bring the date. He said he's decided on that already. The caller on the line was still saying that Benjy was saying he didn't care about going to the party.
Howard said he has a new years resolution to get rid of some of the pages they have in the computer system. He wanted to play the voice mail where Richard's dad said that Richard's sister knew some people who went to dentists and they had some big problems when they went. Howard asked how many times his father calls him. Richard said he calls him every couple of days to check in. Howard said he must really miss him. Richard said his dad might be jealous that other guys he grew up with stay out there with their families.
Howard congratulated Richard on his engagement. Richard said she should be showing everyone her ring there. Howard asked him to do him a favor at the party. He asked him to slip in his girlfriend or wife's name to him. He said he doesn't remember everyone's names. Howard said he needs to get the introduction so he can pretend that he remembers people's names. Howard said he knows Fred's wife and Gary's wive but not Sal's wife. He said that he thinks it's Christine. He was right.
Richard said he and Sal have decided they have to sit next to each other at the party. Howard said that's fine. He said that it's festival seating.
Sal said he found out that Richard got engaged through his wife. He said his girlfriend told his wife that they got engaged and she told him. Howard said that's kind of weird. Richard said she put it on Facebook before he had a chance to tell anyone.
Richard said that they have a gift coming in for everyone around 9 today. Robin said last year it was that ham that was rotting. Howard said the ham was still frozen in the middle or something. Gary said it was cut in a spiral so you could just keep pulling pieces off. The ham was also orange according to Sal. He said Richard loved it and he was saying that it was delicious.
Howard was trying to figure out what everyone's spouses names were. He didn't know Jason's wife's name. Gary had to tell him it was Janice. Howard said he has no idea what Will's wife looks like. Gary said she was at his wedding. Her name is Tracy. Howard said he has to introduce her so he knows her name but he'll pretend that he knows. Howard said he always introduces Beth to people when he meets them. Howard said it's like some people defy you to know their wife's names.
Gary told Howard that Jon Hein's wife is going to be there. Her name is Debbie. Howard said he wouldn't know that. Sal asked Howard if he hates it when he sees someone that knows you so well and you have no idea what their name is.
Howard said he remembers some names but not everyone. He said he's going to have trouble remembering them. Gary said that he's been called out on it when he has forgotten someone's name. Sal said he once called Mel Karmazin ''Les Moonves.'' Howard said that's just stupid. He said he should know that guy's name. That's one that he has to learn.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Richard knocked his girl up. Richard said that's not why they're getting married. Howard took another call from a guy who asked why they're going to let Richard drink at the party. Howard said they can't stop him. He said he can't regulate what Richard eats and drinks.
Sal said he can't wait for Richard to get married and his wife tells him to go fuck himself when he asks her to go to a haunted house. Sal said that things are going to change and she's going to stop watching the horror movies and all of that.
Howard said he had to take a break after that. They played a Baba Booey song parody. Howard asked Sal if he's going to break Gary's balls at the party. Sal said that he will but then Gary said that Sal will be on a leash with his wife and he won't be doing anything. Howard said that maybe Sal should try to get into his wife for a night and spend time with her. Sal said he's been trying for 10 years. He said he tried to slip his hand into her crotch last night because she had new sweat pants on and she ended up saying she didn't like his hand there and pushed him away. The guys told him that he has to warm up to something like that. He can't just shove his hand in there.
Sal said his wife wanted to do a fashion show for him. Howard said that he should have told her she looked awesome. Sal said he was just telling her that was good and ''next!'' Sal said that if he told his wife that he wanted to fuck her brains out, she'd call the cops. Sal said she's got a great dress for the party and he told her how to that was.
Howard said he really had to take a break. Sal said his son saw the SIRIUS commercial on TV the other day. He said his son told him he saw the commercial and his kid told him he was really lucky that he gets to work with him. Sal said his kid has no idea what he does there though. Sal said his son and Gary's son made a phony phone call together one time. Gary said his son is fascinated with what Sal and Richard do. He said Lucas thinks it's the greatest thing in the world. Sal said the call was great but the woman didn't give them approval to play it on the air. Howard said he'd love to hear the call with the next generation. Howard said he'd like to mentor some kids like that. He went to break after that.
Howard came back and said that he had Red Peters on the phone. He said Red has a new album out and he's on Universal. Red said it's actually out on Oglio and distributed by Universal. Howard thought that was kind of amusing since Jackie used to put his albums out with Oglio. Red said this latest album is a digital only release.
Howard said Read scours the country for dirty songs and does his own dirty songs. Red said he did this ''Holy Shit It's Christmas'' song and it's in the top 50 on iTuens. Howard said you can find out more at RedPeters.com or on amazon.com or on iTunes.
Red said he's going to be doing a Christmas special next week too. Howard had a few songs to play. He said he had ''Boners for Christmas'' from Nerf Herder. He also had ''Herpes Infected Elf'' from another band. He had a few others that Red asked him to play including Tiny Tim's ''Santa Claus Has Got the AIDS This Year.''
Howard said that Tiny would write his own songs once in a while and that was one of them. Howard said Tiny got embarrassed about that song near the end. He said that Tiny didn't know how serious AIDS was going to be and got kind of upset that he took it so lightly.
Red said that Tiny Tim was impotent according to a web site he read. Howard said Tiny had all kinds of sexual issues. Red said there's a whole web site dedicated to his impotence.
Howard gave Red some plugs for his upcoming show on Howard 101 that's on December 28th. Howard had some more songs to play too. He played a farting song to the tune of ''Silent Night.'' Red said he's been putting a lot of work into this special he's doing. He said he's been doing it for months now. Howard said that his specials are probably the most professional they have on the channels. Red got a laugh out of that. Howard gave him some more plugs for his web site and for the special he's doing on the 21st and 23rd and the 28th. They have a full menu from Red.
Since they were playing farting songs Robin asked where Mr. Methane was. Howard said he heard that he blew his colon out doing a show in Australia. He played an example of Mr. Methane's farting song. Howard said that this was the performance where he blew his ass out. Fred played an explosion sound toward the end of the song that he was playing.
Howard thanked Red for calling in and asked if he was divorced. Red said that he is divorced because she felt that he was never going to grow up. He does have a girlfriend though. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and had Lisa G come in with her news preview. Lisa said they have a story about Sal making a spectacle of himself at the Howard TV story. He was seen wiping his bare ass with a Christmas card at the party. Howard asked what's wrong with that guy. Lisa said they were egging him on to do that. Howard said he must want attention no matter what. He said that's crazy.
Lisa said they have an update from Underdog Lady who says that parents are lying to their kids about Santa Claus and she wants the Catholic channel to talk to her about that. Howard asked if she spoke to her. Lisa didn't do the interview but she thinks that they will be airing that story today. Howard wondered why she wouldn't just call his show and talk to him about it.
Lisa said that Mark Lee, the brother of Joey Ramone, has sold the rights to his book about his brother and he thinks Howard could play the part of Joey. Howard said he probably could. He did a quick impression of him and said that he does kind of look like Joey. They also played his voice mail to Gary where he says ''Welcome to my nightmare...'' Howard said they probably need a younger Joey. He said that he could play the adult Joey but not the young one.
Lisa mentioned the upcoming History of Howard Stern: Act III special and the kick off special that's on tomorrow. Howard let her go after that.
Howard said he read the Oral Roberts obituary and there were people trying to find someone who claimed they were actually healed by the guy. They weren't able to find anyone. Howard said the guy had a ton of money and a university named after him. Howard said one sentence really killed him. He read that sentence and they claimed that everyone came to him for help and he gave it to them. Howard said he tapped into the most vulnerable people.
Howard said that they did a study that found that people who play the lottery are people who are on the balls of their ass and on a pipe dream thinking they can win. Howard said that's what Oral Roberts tapped into and that's how he milked people out of money.
Howard read some details about Oral Roberts and what people were saying about him. Howard said he wishes that they'd go after guys like that like they do with the homeless. Robin said that they're not putting a gun to anyone's head. Howard said Oral Roberts was a crock. He said he's not sure if he was sicker or the people who gave him money were sicker.
Benjy filled Howard in on some of the tragedies that happened in his life. His daughter died in a plane crash and his son committed suicide. Robin asked if he was so in touch with God then why did his daughter fall out of the sky. Howard said that's because he wasn't close to God, that's why it happened.
Howard said that it must have been a party hanging out with Oral Roberts. The son had so much fun he shot himself. Howard said he really hates televangelists. He said that they're really weird. He said the scary thing is that there were Presidents who had meetings with the guy. Howard read some of the Presidents who went to him like JFK, Nixon and Carter. Howard said that John Lennon even wrote to him asking for forgiveness about something. Howard said that Lennon said that they were more popular than Jesus so he had to apologize for that.
Howard read the story about the restraining order and how Francis Bean Cobain is looking to make the restraining order permanent. Courtney had some kind of face off on Facebook. She wrote some stuff about her on there and that may have led to this whole thing.
Howard said he feels bad for Courtney losing her only daughter. Howard said she may just be completely gone though.
Howard said he had some news about Jay Leno. He said a guy pointed out that Leno's ratings drop makes you wonder where all of the viewers went. They didn't go to ABC and CBS. Howard said they say that the viewers have all gone to cable TV. Howard said that Jay Leno has helped the show ''Sons of Anarchy'' and ''Men of a Certain Age'' with his show. He's driven people off of network TV to cable. Howard said he's actually helping the cable industry to dominate prime time TV.
Howard replayed the clip and said he thought it was great. He said they should have claimed it was real even if it was fake. Howard said that he wasn't even aware that Louis CK had a show. He said he does now.
Howard said he's not sure that Nick is that good of an actor. He said it sounded awfully real to him. He said if that was acting then DiPaolo is like Robert De Niro.
Howard played Crazy Alice's voice mail where she talked about how she wants to get fucked in the mouth by Jeter and fucked in the vagina by A-Rod. She said that she's started drinking and smoking lately too. She said she's also smoking marijuana once in a while too. She was joking about masturbating there for a little while. Howard said she sounded happy to him. He wasn't sure what was going on there.
Howard said he wanted to get to some more Big Foot game stuff before they go on break. He played some of the clips of Sal asking Big Foot if he knew what certain words meant. He knew what Masturbation was. He didn't know what a queef was. Robin and Howard were guessing at these and not playing with a caller. Big Foot knew what Viagra was. He didn't know what fellatio was. He knew what anal sex was but not what menstruation was. Howard won 20 bucks off of Robin for one of the questions they bet on. Howard told her he didn't want her 20 when she went to pay him.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn. She said that she just wanted to thank Howard for everything he's done for the past four years.
Howard said there was a picture in the paper of this super hot chick that A-Rod is apparently going after. He said that A-Rod is saying that he broke up with Kate Hudson because she was a camera hog. Howard said the real reason is that A-Rod is getting chicks who will bang him hard but Kate won't. Howard said this chick is in the paper because she was able to say no to A-Rod. Howard said she was almost naked in this picture.
Howard read about A-Rod's pitch to the chick and how she turned him down 3 times. Howard said that A-Rod has everyone's attention on him and they had all of the details of his lunch and his hitting on the chick.
Howard said they're very close to putting together the Tiger Woods Beauty Pageant. He said that they want all of the girls that he slept with to be part of the pageant. They're going to have a huge prize for the winner. He said that SIRIUS was looking for something huge to promote the show and this is what they should put the money into. Howard said he would take this beauty pageant and put it all over the internet. He said that would be big for them.
Howard said this is starting to catch on with the media and one news guy kind of dropped a hint that it was going on. Howard played the news report where the news reporter said that Howard Stern was offering big bucks to do a mistress beauty pageant contest. Howard said he loves that. Howard said he's sure it will gain some traction and they have to do it fast.
Howard said Gary is working on it for him and he claims they're close to getting it wrapped up. Robin said the girls have to start getting into shape for the pageant.
Howard said that this news anchor had a weird delivery and she was saying stuff that made it sound like they were being very guarded about what they say about the women he was sleeping with. He said that it's like she wanted to say that all of these women were white but they wouldn't come right out and say it.
Robin said that they were theorizing about how this story may not have been as big of a deal if Tiger was married to a black woman and he was cheating on her. Howard said that they might be on to something there.
Robin wondered why they haven't brought that show there already. Howard said he thinks that they're going to end American Idol and Simon will take everyone from Idol and put them on X-Factor. He said that he's got all kinds of shows that are like American Idol like ''America's Got Talent'' and this X-factor show. Howard said that he used to do that kind of stuff back in Detroit when he'd have people performing for record company people. He said he never thought anyone would want to see that on TV. He said he's stupid for not doing that.
Dominic Barbara called in and Howard asked where he's been. He thought something had happened to him. Dominic said he just hasn't been calling in. Howard asked if he's still back with his ex-wife. He said that he's seeing her. Howard asked if he's seeing anyone else. Dominic said he didn't want to get into that. Howard wanted to get into it and asked him for details about his ex-wife Leslie. He's been married to her twice. Dominic said that he's not going out and he's not having sex with anyone else. Howard asked if he's capable of having sex. Dominic said he is and he's looking very good.
Dominic told Howard that in 13 states a woman can be sued by the wife if she finds out about a mistress. He said that the pre-nup is far from what this woman is going to end up with when she leaves Tiger. Howard said he thinks she's going to get what is in the pre-nup and nothing is going to get any worse for Tiger than it already is. He said he thinks that he won't pay a dime to the wife or the other women. Howard said Tiger should stop paying off the other women.
Howard said Tiger has to get off his ass and back out playing golf to get over this whole thing. He said he has to go on with his life like President Clinton did. Howard said he's playing this thing all wrong and he's not getting good advice. Howard said he's going to have trouble if he doesn't go out and get over it. He said he's going to have to endure the comments from the public. Howard said he has to stop paying off these women too.
Dominic jokingly asked what time he should be at the party tonight. Howard said that he's not invited. The party is for his staff. Howard said Dominic thinks that he works for the show. Dominic said he was just kidding.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that they have to assume that Oprah must be trying to get Tiger for her show. The caller said that this show is going to be huge if they make it happen. Howard said that it is going to be big and even Elin would be welcome to participate. Howard said they're going to try to make it happen as soon as possible and have an announcement when they return from vacation. They went to break after that.
Howard came back and thought it was Cream performing ''I Feel Free'' but it was actually the Foo Fighters. Howard said he didn't hear the whole thing. He said that he thinks that Clapton ruined the band because he thinks he's God.
Howard said he was reading about Jeff Bridges about the first Iron Man not having a script. Howard said he wants to talk to Jon Favreau about that. He said that he thinks it's sour grapes that they didn't bring him back for the second one.
Howard said they had a couple of people in the studio. They donated some money to charity to get the chance to sit in. They were Arnie and Stacy Verbeke. Howard welcomed them to the show and asked how long they had been married. They were married in 1993. Howard said the wife was very attractive. He said that he must be rich to be able to afford this. Arnie said he's working on it. He's an Asset Allocation guy. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to him about his job and stuff like that.
Howard spoke to the wife and found out she's in her 40s. Howard said that she's holding up very well. Howard was surprised when she said she was 45. They don't have any kids so Howard said that must be why the husband doesn't cheat. Arnie said he came close last night. He said he was just kidding about that. Howard said the wife must be a D-cup. She said she was. Howard said he liked her hair, her lips and the hair. Howard said a 45 year old without kids is like a 29 year old with kids. He said that she must be a firecracker.
Howard talked to Arnie about what he should invest in. Arnie said that it's all about slow growth. He said you want to keep some of your money. Arnie said he's been doing this since the mid 80s and he knows what he's doing. He was telling Howard some stuff about cloud computing and Howard had no idea what he was talking about. Arnie told Howard that there is some stock out there that he should invest in and he was talking about the cloud computing thing but Howard thought he was saying ''clout.'' The company he was talking about was Terramark. Howard said he needs to make money fast and asked if that could happen. Arnie said that it might take a few years. Howard said that's not fast enough. He said he needs it now.
Howard had Mike get to his game so here's how it goes. Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Howard said that Paris Hilton was on Ellen Degeneres' show and he's really annoyed by her. He said that she's not ashamed of excess. He played a clip of her talking about what she's doing over the holidays. Paris said she has offers from all around the world to do stuff. Howard said the whole thing is disturbing that she's rattling of the names of the places she's been offered to go.
Howard said she's obnoxious and he hates people who are famous who don't have any talent. He played more of the audio and complained about how annoying she is. Howard said you just want to know who she's banging. He said that everything with her is excessive. He said that she's somehow parlayed the whole thing into fame and the family doesn't seem to care.
Howard said there was a guy who called 9-1-1 to ask for sex. He had the audio of that to play. He said he thinks the guy got arrested for doing this. The audio was really bad and it was hard to understand. Howard said that you eventually get into it and you can understand what he's saying. The guy was asking if the chick would come to his place. She said that she wanted his address and she'd send someone and he seemed to think that she was saying she would come.
JD came in and said that the guy was in a shower or something while he was making the call. Howard played more and the guy says he wants to pull down the chick's pants and fuck her. She asked for his apartment number and he tells her he's in the bathroom. He apparently forgot his apartment number. The guy was asking the operator if she had nice nipples. Howard said that was some charmer right there. The guy also asks if he can eat her pussy. She told him that if he gives her his address, she might show up.
Howard said that Robin seemed to like this guy. She was laughing at him and seemed to like that. Howard said this guy was playing with fire with a 9-1-1 operator. He said they don't mess around. In the clip the operator asked him to say his name or she'd hang up. He wasn't saying much so Howard figured he was beating off. He said it sounded like he was about to finish. The guy was moaning while the noise of the water was behind him. Howard said guys don't moan like that but since he was on the phone he must have been doing it. Howard said maybe that's why he's never been able to pull off successful phone sex himself.
The guy said something about him being Reverend Martin Luther King and he hung up. Howard said he thinks that they caught him and arrested him. He said he thought it was great and very fascinating.
Steve said that Henry Hill also told them that he ended up in jail and may have had a bunch of drinks. He may have shot his mouth off to an African American woman at a hotel he was staying at.
Steve said they have some news about Vinnie Favale's play Hereafter (HereAfterMusical.com) and how they're going to be playing the music from the play at some event this weekend. Howard said he got an email from Vinnie about that. He said that there's something weird going on with that. Gary said Vinnie has written an entire musical and it's impressive that he's done that. Gary said it looked like a musical to him. Howard said it's somewhere in Jersey and he can't go. He said he doesn't think he could sit through that. Steve said they're going to be covering it. Jon Hein said he can't go to that because it's his daughter's birthday. Steve also got in a plug for the History of Howard Stern: Act III which starts next Monday.
Jon Hein came in and ran down his list of things they'll be covering on the Wrap Up Show today. He mentioned Richard's engagement so Howard said he really has to keep working because Richard won't be able to support himself if he doesn't. They had to go to break after that.
Howard asked Jon why he's gaining so much weight. Jon said that he's eating too much and not exercising enough. Howard said that could be from not being happy. Jon said that he's happy. Howard asked if he's going to be at the Christmas Party. Jon said he will be there and he will introduce his wife Debbie just in case he doesn't remember her name. Howard told Jon to remind him of his name too... just in case.
Howard said Sal and Richard got ice cream cake for everyone there. He said that they offered it to Robin and Jon. Jon is a diabetic and Robin doesn't eat that kind of stuff. Howard said it's a little early in the morning for that too.
Robin got back to her news and read that a woman was posting about her son's death on Twitter just hours after the kid drowned. Robin said that she has thousands of followers and some people are upset that she'd post something like that.
Howard said a lot of the guys there are on Facebook and they post the dumbest stuff. He said that Gange is the worst. He said his life is really boring. Gange said that he does less now because of Howard's critiques. Howard said it's so inane and he should just stop. Howard said Gange was posting about going Christmas shopping and complaining about how he had to get up and go to work the next morning. Gary had one where Gange said he has to listen to his cab driver talking about his favorite Howard Stern moments and the guy had no idea he worked for the show.
Howard and Gary were reading Mike's posts while doing their Mike Gange voices. Howard said if they put up something meaningful it's shocking. He said that people just post everything on there and it's so boring. They talked about that woman who posted on Twitter a little more. Howard said it looked like Gange had lost some weight. Mike said he has lost 10-15 pounds.
Gary read one of Mike's posts where he wrote about when Salami was invented and how he had one in his fridge that might be almost as old.
Gange was also telling Howard about how he was going to bring a date but he wasn't sure what Howard would think. Howard said he could have brought a date. Howard said he's just busting Benjy's balls when he talks about this stuff. Gange said he's pretty sure any girl Benjy brings will be odd. Benjy said that wasn't very nice.
Robin got back to her news and read about the nominees for the Screen Actors Guild Awards. Howard said he voted like he said he was going to. He said he voted for people that have done his show. He said he even voted for Jimmy Fallon in some movie that he had never seen. Robin read about some of the nominees and Howard told her which ones he voted for.
Robin read a story about a guy who got some jail time for uploading an unfished copy of a movie that hadn't even been released. He had no connections to the movie industry. They say that it could have cost the movie company 50 million in lost revenue.
Robin read about Oral Roberts death and Howard said he figures he's going straight to hell for being the first guy to figure out how to rip people off on TV. Howard said he was a shithead. Robin said that everyone commenting about him in the obituary has nothing but good things to say about the guy. Howard said that's what happens whenever someone dies. He said the only person who won't get positive comments when he dies is him. Howard played some audio of Oral doing his thing on TV and said ''What a dick!'' Howard said he hates that the Presidents had to go visit with that guy just because he had so many followers.
Robin read about a drug trafficker from Mexico being killed by the Mexican Navy. They tracked him down at a home and he took his own life as they were closing in on him. Robin read about the guy who will probably take over for that guy down in Mexico. Howard said he's glad he's not going to Mexico this year with that and the H1N1 stuff going on. He said that's one messed up country.
Robin read about Roy Disney dying at the age of 79. He had a about with stomach cancer. Robin said he worked behind the scenes at Disney. Howard said he thinks there's one Disney left... Oral Disney.
Robin said there is more Tiger Woods news today. Howard said it's hard to believe that just 19 days ago he was a big hero to everyone. Robin said Oprah Winfrey is trying to get Tiger on her show. Howard said he should go to Diane Sawyer before Oprah. He said she'll softball Tiger unlike Oprah. Howard told Gary he should reach out to Tiger. Robin said she read that it may have been Oprah herself that reached out to Tiger for her show. Howard said he'll be ruined if he does that show. He said he should go on a show but not that one.
Robin said they're wondering about Tiger using performance enhancing drugs to bulk up. Howard said it appears that he has. He said the guy is huge. Robin said they say that Madonna may have been juicing after a horse accident she had.
Robin read that Ashley Dupree has an advice column and she's been talking about what Tiger's wife should do. Howard said she was supposed to be on the show today but he's not sure what happened. Robin had some audio of Dupree talking about what she thinks Tiger's wife should do.
Robin read that Tiger was declared athlete of the decade. Howard said he is a great golfer. Howard said on the positive side no new women have come forward since yesterday. They had to take another break after that.
After the break Howard had Robin get back to her news. She read some more stuff about Tiger and how he's got a golf course being built in Dubai. That's going to happen.
Howard said he read that the NFL player that jumped on the back of a truck and fell out has died. He hit his head on the ground and that was it. Howard said the guy was from the Cincinnati Bengals. Robin wondered how you get over something like that. The fiancee must feel really bad about that.
Robin read some news about Jessica Simpson denying that Tiger Woods came on to her. She has written a nasty letter to Star Magazine about their story claiming he had.
Robin read about a guy who was arrested for a hoax 9-1-1 call. He's apparently been doing it a lot. Robin said they say he was making fake calls for help all over Northern California. Howard played some audio of a cop talking about case.
Robin read some news about the global climate summit and some of the things that have been going on there. She had some audio of Governor Schwarzenegger speaking there.
Robin read about how some H1N1 vaccinations have been recalled. They say that they're not as potent as they should be.
Robin read about a guy who lost his wife when she moved to Brazil. The step-father has not released the guy's son to the biological father but that may happen soon.
Robin had some audio from Avatar. When Howard heard it he said he might not want to see it after hearing that. He didn't like the sounds of that. Howard said the characters are too cartoon like. He said he's not sure if it's going to be so good. Robin said there are already fans who are dressing in blue face to go to the movie. Howard said they're assholes. He said it's no wonder they don't get laid.
Robin had some other movie news and played some audio of Hugh Grant talking about a new movie he's in. She had some Sigourney Weaver clip too but Howard lasted about 2 seconds with that. Robin told Howard about some other clips she had and had him play those. Howard didn't seem interested in any of them.
Robin read a story about the guy who did the shootings at Fort Hood and how he's out of the ICU. Howard said that guy has to be put to death. He said that they can't just let the guy live. Robin said 13 people are dead because of that guy. That was her final story of the morning. Howard had to end the show a short time later, right around 10:50am.
Gary said he heard from Brian Phelan who said that Robin was giving out a bunch of gifts to people. He heard that she walked right past Scott the Engineer and didn't give him anything. Gary said that there are some people you forget about from year to year and he's not sure if he gave gifts to some.
Gary said that he and Jon got each other very similar gifts. They got each other the Beatles box sets but different versions.
The Howard TV guys got a gift card from Fred for Del Friscos so they can go to lunch one day. Benjy said Ronnie got him a $100 American Express card. Benjy had Medicated Pete in the Santa thing so he got him a 3 month subscription to Match.com or any dating service he wants. He said he would help him set up the profile too. He said he has to go out on a date to get another $150 gift from him. It was a conditional gift according to Jon. Benjy said he could have anything he wants if he doesn't want that.
Howard asked Scott the Engineer who he had. Scott said he gave Justin from Howard TV some gift certificates. He got a gift certificate from his Secret Santa.
Benjy said there was one year when Robin gave everyone gift cards that didn't work. Gary said it was just some of them that didn't work.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Gary if he was going to be upset if he got a shitty gift. Gary said that they shouldn't even have the interns getting them gifts because he should be buying them lunch and stuff. He said the guy that has him in the Secret Santa is married and he's doing this internship there. He wondered how he makes a living.
Joe Jordan said he had an intern in the Secret Santa one year and she got fired 2 days before they did the gift thing so he got nothing.
Scott said it was more of a joking around thing with Ronnie and Pete took it seriously. He said he was half kidding with Ronnie.
Jason came in with a smile on his face and said that Scott bitches like a motherfucker and he's dead serious when he bitches about that stuff. Scott said he was half kidding around with Ronnie. He said Howard really shouldn't be miserable.
Jon asked Scott if having everything is supposed to make you happy. Scott said he was just kidding about that. Jason said that Scott used to get mad if he said Gary's name when he brought in work for him. He said he learned to just bitch about Gary before he gave it to Scott and he'd get right to work on the stuff.
Jason told the guys about how Scott sits and stares at Robin when she's giving him the work for the morning. She has clips that she has him pull and Scott just sits there. Scott said he needs them all at once and he can't take one at a time. Gary said he could start them while she's circling the stuff in the paperwork. Scott said he could but he'd rather do it all at once.
Jason told Scott he could have just picked them up and started. Scott said he waits for them all to be ready. He said that's the best way to do it.
Scott said he's been trying to get over his anger and realize he works with some great people. He said that he's just realizing that he's in a good place in his life now. Jason said he thinks that he found out about his COPD and that's what mellowed him out. Scott said that's not it.
Gary said he knows that Benjy thinks he's a dick for bringing this up but he should be able to figure this stuff out on his own. He said that if he had a question in his mind about bringing this date then he shouldn't have done it. Jason also asked why he thinks Laura would give him advice on that woman if she didn't know who she was.
Gary said that this woman brings some baggage with her so they should talk to her. It turns out that it was Sarah from the strongest naked woman contest. She was also on the Antonio Sabato Jr. show. Benjy said that they've been seeing each other over the past couple of months. Jon asked Sarah what she thinks about this. She said that it seems to be a lot of work. She wasn't sure what the big deal was.
Gary said that when she was on the show she may have been intoxicated. She said she wasn't. She said that she did try to grab Sal's penis a lot. She almost got into a fight with one of the other girls. Gary said that she had to be dragged out of the studio by Ronnie.
Gary said that all they know about her is that she's pretty out there. Sarah said she can be sometimes. She said that she can be nervous sometimes. Jason asked if she was drunk or not. She said she wasn't really drunk. She said her mind may have been altered a bit. Benjy said that she was on the show having fun and he knows that she's a nice, normal girl. Benjy said he thought she was just playing into the show that day.
Gary said that Sarah's friend lit into him when he said she appeared to be on something. Sarah just laughed at everything Gary was saying. Sarah asked what Howard thinks she's going to do at the party. Gary said that she could get out of hand. He said that she has to be smart enough to know what not to do.
Ronnie said that she posted that she was going to a party and she was going to have a blast tonight. She said someone else wrote that on her ''wall'' on Facebook.
Jon asked Ronnie if he thinks that she's going to be out of hand at the party. Ronnie said he's pretty sure she will be. Jason said Howard had to turn her mic off in the middle of the interview because she wouldn't stop talking. Benjy said she was nervous that day. Jason and Gary said that she could be nervous tonight too. Benjy said they sit around and watch TV, watch movies and read books together when they hang out.
Gary asked Sarah what she and Benjy talk about. Sarah said that Benjy teaches her stuff. She said that Benjy read a book to her once and he teacher her stuff. She wasn't sure what stuff that was though.
Gary asked her what they like to do. Sarah said they like doing the same things. Sarah said she didn't know what that was. She answered questions like Benjy odes. Jason asked her to name one thing that he had taught her. She didn't have an answer. She kept asking herself what he taught her.
Benjy said that he read a book to her by Shel Silverstein. It was a children's book that he read to this chick. Benjy said those books can be meaningful to people. He said it was about a triangle that didn't fit in and it becomes a circle. Benjy said they had fun talking about that.
Ronnie asked Benjy if he thinks Howard was listening to this right now he'd tell him not to bring her. Benjy said that they're scrutinizing her already and she hasn't come to the party yet. Jason said he was keeping this a secret until now and there must be a reason for that. Sarah said that Benjy taught her how to eat healthy. She said she teaches him to the same thing.
Ralph called in and said he didn't know the scope and magnitude of this disaster. He said that he can't believe that he's bringing her to the party. Benjy said that they've been dating for a couple of months now. Ralph said that doesn't matter because she has a spotted past. He said that this is going to be a whole Benjy thing and everyone is going to be watching her and judging her. He told Benjy to leave her home.
Benjy told the guys they don't know how to read people. Jason laughed and asked if he does. Ralph said he thinks that Benjy should make sure she's hopped up on whatever she was on in the studio.
Sarah said that Benjy was telling her how she should dress and how she should act. She said that Benjy put a lot of thought into it. Benjy said she thinks that he thinks about everything.
The guys were talking about how Benjy has a history of dating really normal chicks... like Ivy Supersonic. Jon said that Benjy brought on a lot of this stuff himself. He said that if he had just said who it was 4 days ago then this wouldn't be going on.
Benjy asked Sarah if she wanted to come still. She still wants to go. She said it'll be fun. Benjy said she's been asked to be on a bunch of reality shows so she's not some wacky person. Jon asked her if she had anything else to say. Benjy asked her if she was into their show. She said she was but Benjy said she doesn't listen to the show regularly. Gary said he's afraid that she's going to act the way she did the day she was on the show. Gary asked her if she knows that she's not supposed to act like that. Sarah said she knows that. Jon let her go after that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that this was the dumbest chick that has ever been on the show. He said that Benjy has to be lying about having sex with her too. He said that Benjy should know that she wouldn't care if her name was on the air because she's been on a reality show. Jon said Benjy wanted her to speak for herself.
Jon asked Ronnie what he thinks about this mess. Ronnie said he doesn't know. He said he hopes that she doesn't wind up starting in with someone like she did on the show. Ronnie said if she gets some drinks in her, he's going to be scared. Gary asked if he's going to be working at the party tonight. Ronnie said he's not but now that this girl is coming he feels he may have to.
Jason was asking Jon if he would invite Benjy and Sarah to his daughter's Bat Mitzvah. Jon said if he knew that they were dating he would have invite both. Jason said he doesn't believe that for a second. Jon insisted that he was being real.
Another caller said that if Howard knew who this was then he'd definitely stop it. Gary said Howard does know who it is and he's told Benjy to bring her.
Gary said that Sarah was running all over the studio while she was there that day. He said it was some of the most bizarre behavior they've seen on the show since he started there. He said they had her back on the show because of that odd behavior.
A woman called in and said that they're being very rude to Benjy and to this girl. She said even if it is a disaster he's damned if he does bring her and he's damned if he doesn't. She said that they're going to be mad at him for doing either. Benjy said that's the way he felt and he wanted to have a nice evening so that's why he's bringing her.
The caller said that it sounds like they wish that something will go wrong. Jon said that she's sounding like Sal thinking that Howard wants something to happen. Gary said that he knows how hard Howard and Beth have worked on this and they don't want anything to happen. Jason said that he's going to feel bad for Howard if something does happen. He said that it's like a car crash waiting to happen though. Jason said that they're not going to be able to take their eyes off of it.
Another woman called in and said that they can't believe that Benjy is bringing her and in the long run it's going to be a disaster. She said it's ridiculous that he's going through with this.
Jon asked Ronnie how he's feeling in this holiday season. Ronnie said he doesn't care. They talked about the gift he gave and what he got for the Secret Santa thing. He said Richie Wilson got him something really nice and he came through for him. Ronnie said that he got an embroidered shirt with a skull on it and Jason thought he meant he had it bedazzled or something. Ronnie said he was out of his mind. He also got the first season of ''Sons of Anarchy'' on DVD. They had to go to break a short time later.
Jon said that Richard has talked about not wanting to get married before. Richard said he and Kristin have been together for four years and they have a great time together so it was time. Benjy asked if she cried. Richard said she wasn't balling but she did cry a little bit. Benjy said they appear to be very happy together.
Gary said that Kristin interned for them and they kind of knew her and there's no way Richard is going to do any better. Richard said he knows that.
Gary said Richard has some idiosyncrasies that don't bother Kristin and that makes them a great couple. Jon said that they're very happy for them. Richard said he appreciates that.
Jon asked Richard if he's going to cut back on his drinking. Richard said he has cut back some. He said that Jon is actually enabling him by having him to the Bat Mitzvah. Richard said he hopes that he's included in the open bar. He said he won't be drinking from New Year's day until that Bat Mitzvah so that will be a little while.
Richard talked about some of the stuff he likes drinking at this time of year. He said alcohol makes it better for him at this time of year too.
Jon asked Richard about Sal wiping his ass with a Christmas card at the Howard TV part. Richard said he was making everyone laugh there at the party.
Richard said the ice cream cake this morning went over well this morning. He said everyone ate it up. Gary said Ronnie was talking about how it wasn't really an ice cream cake because it was just ice cream in the shape of a cake. He refused to call it cake and he was calling it an ice cream barge.
Jon took a call from a guy who congratulated Richard on his engagement. Richard said he's excited about it. He said he's glad it happened before the party so she can show her ring to the people at the party. Gary asked how many carats the ring is. Richard didn't know. He said he'll have to look it up to figure it out. Richard said he can't remember what it was.
Richard said he didn't propose until late last night. He was up late doing some stuff and didn't get to bed until 1:30 in the morning. He said he was ready for a nap now.
Jon took another call from a guy who congratulated Richard on the engagement. He asked the guys if they think that Benjy is doing a bit and he won't show up to the party with that Sarah chick. Benjy said he promises that it's not a bit. He figured it would be a fun date and invited her.
Another caller said he thinks of Richard and Sal as being just as good as Abbot and Costello and teams like that. He went on to say that he doesn't get why they're so upset about this chick coming to the party because they should want to have fun at the party. He said that if she is wacky that will make things more fun.
Benjy said that she was acting like that for the show. He said that she's not like that all the time. Jon said that this is their first impression of her and that's in their heads. Benjy said she was on the show and she was playing into the show.
Gary asked Benjy to describe her again. Benjy said she's a very sweet and loving woman. Gary said that he said the same thing about Ivy Supersonic. He said that Ivy has gone through some things that have made her not as nice as he remembers. He said she's not as nice as he thought she was.
Gange called in and said that Ivy is a little off the charts. He said that she can get worked up and upset about things. Gange said Ivy is in no means a normal person. He said you can get nice ivy or crazy Ivy and you never know which one it will be.
Gange said that Artie had him in the Secret Santa thing and he may never get a gift. Gary told him that what Artie has to go through he should just forget about it. Shuli said that this sounds like a question to post on Facebook. Gange asked if he should bring it up on the air when Artie comes back. Jon said that might be kind of uncomfortable. They had to end the show after that.
Today's Best of the Week was over around 12:05pm.