|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard started the show talking about how the Giants blow. They've lost 4 games in a row. Artie said ''Go Yanks!'' Howard said at least the Yankees won the Series. That's what they're saying in the paper. Artie said that New York is a spoiled town.
Howard said that you see a team repeat very rarely because the players get hurt a lot in football. Artie said the salary cap has also made it tougher. He said there's more parity in the league now because of that. Artie said it's been very hard in the past 10 years because of that. He said that New England has been able to do it though.
Howard asked the guys about Jon Gosslin from Jon and Kate Plus 8. He said he seems to be in the paper every day. Howard asked what he is racially. Robin said he's a mixture of Asian and something but she wasn't sure what. Artie said it was Asian and asshole. That's how you get Jon Gosslin.
Howard said he heard a story from Brian Phelan through Gary. Brian came in and said that he was at Artie's show at the Beacon Theatre. He said he was heading home through Penn Station and he went into a pizzeria and a guy grabbed his hand and asked if he was a Yankee fan. He said he fucked with him and said no. The guy said he should punch him in the face for saying that. Brian said he laughed and walked away. There were some cops around outside so he told the cops that the guy might be causing problems in there. The cop walked in with all 5 cops and he watched what was going on. The guy went to charge him and the cops tackled him. He said that the guy was going to come after him for calling the cops on him.
Brian said he gets into a lot of fights because people like to call him out because of his size. He said he gets sick of doing that so he finally walked away from this one and it worked out for him. Brian said he's taken a couple people out before. He said he's knocked some people out while out at clubs and stuff.
Brian said he's not a good fighter but Howard said he was because he's knocking guys out. Brian said he hasn't lost. He said he and his brothers are all big so they're able to hold their own.
Brian told Howard about a fight they had at a game they went to one time. He held his own there too. Howard said Brian is a peaceful guy most of the time. Brian said he really does try to avoid it but sometimes he just can't.
Robin said she had a run in with Dustin Hoffman but it was a good one. She said she ran into him and told him who she was and reminded him that they spoke on the phone a few weeks ago. She said that Dustin told her that he's gotten a lot of positive feedback about being on the show so he wanted her to pass that along to Howard.
Howard read a story about a guy who jumped from the top of an elevator that was stuck and ended up dead. He said there were a couple of guys in there and one guy died when his shirt got stuck trying to jump to safety. Robin said they have to stop watching action movies because that's where they get the idea to do that.
Howard said Bobby and his wife nursed the owl back to health over the past 3 weeks or so. Howard said Beth seems to find all of these animals and they end up dying. He said that they found a deer one time that ended up dying. They also had Lucky the Rabbit that they found in the park. That lived though.
Howard said Bobby wrote to them that the owl was rehabilitated and it was flying. The eye cleared up too so it was ready to go back into the wild. He asked if they wanted to be part of the release. Howard said they did so they drove out to Massapequa for the release. Howard said they went out to Lito Beach to do it. Gary said that's actually in Long Beach and not Massapequa. Howard said it was his mother that told him where it was near. Howard said it was a beautiful area wherever it was.
Howard said they got in the car and met Bobby out at this beach. He said they pulled up in the car and there were about 75 photographers there. Howard said Beth thought they had called the press. Howard said they were dressed like shit and it turns out the photographers were there to take pictures of the birds. Howard said Bobby teaches a class on bird watching so that's what they were there for.
Howard said the Owl was in a cage with a cover on it to keep it dark. When Bobby was finished with class they drove for another 5 or 10 minutes. They got there and Bobby said that Beth could hold the bird before they released it. They gave her gloves to wear. Howard said that they told her she didn't need gloves. Howard said he could never do anything like that himself. He said he'd want a mask and gloves.
Howard said they don't know if the owl will survive. They said that they never know when they release an animal back into the wild.
Howard said Beth had the owl in her hand and the thing ended up taking off and vanished in seconds. Howard said the thing didn't stick around at all. Howard said it just went into the brush and it was gone. Robin asked how they knew the bird was ready to take off like that. Howard said Bobby knows. Howard said they assume that they're the most advanced creatures in the world but if they dropped him off at the beach like that he'd die. He said this bird knows what to do to survive.
Howard said he never touched the bird but he was up close while Beth was doing it. Howard said it was her discovery anyway so that's why she got to release it. Howard said he wouldn't want to hurt the thing anyway.
Howard said he can't even give his dog eye drops like Beth does. Robin said she does that stuff too. He said that Bobby's wife got a great picture of the bird flying away. He said he went out to have a turkey burger after that. He said that they let a wild owl go and then he ate a turkey burger.
Howard said they went out to lunch at this diner in Rockville Center. He said the place was very good. Howard said his parents are very interesting. He said that it's fascinating to hear about his inventory of sardines and stuff like that. Howard said they have a good time when they go out with them.
Howard said his mom has a routine that they do all the time. He said they got to the yogurt shop every day and he had to tell her that it's not a healthy thing to eat. He said his mom thinks she's eating healthy but it's really not.
Howard said they go to the yogurt shop every day and that day they would have been there. They were going to go there for dinner instead. They usually have KFC on Sunday nights. They were rearranging their whole schedule for the week because they were thrown off with the whole owl thing.
Howard said his dad was talking about his breakfast routine and he filled him in on the cold cereal and hot cereal. Howard said his dad has a cold cereal on one day and a hot one the next. He has 3 different types of cereal he eats and he alternates them throughout the week.
Howard asked his dad how he marks his cereals. He said he has a square thing that he places on top of the box when he's done with it. He has Rice and Shine on one day and he will take the coin thing and stick it on the cold box. Howard said they were listening to it and Beth asked what he would do if he woke up and wanted hot cereal instead. Ben said he would never do that.
Howard said his mother said she's the opposite of that and he told her that everyone is the opposite. Howard said there is no one who is the same as that. Howard said his dad would never change and he does it so he has variety.
Howard said that they were placing their orders and his dad was trying to tell Beth what he has there every time. She was in the middle of ordering at the time. Howard said they also bring sparkling water with them and his dad only pours her tiny bits at a time. He said it doesn't make any sense.
Howard said he asked his dad what he was doing and his dad said that he was watching him like a hawk. Howard said he doesn't get why he doesn't just pour more water for his mom. Robin said it sounds like they're still in the depression mode so they don't waste a thing.
Howard said he's not sure how these diners do what they do. He said their menus are huge. Robin said she was out at one recently and they have everything there. Artie said it's the same way out in Jersey at the diners there. He said they're amazing chefs to be able to serve breakfast, lunch and dinner meals at any time of the day.
Robin said she had a roasted vegetable wrap at the diner while Ralph was having something completely different and it was just amazing that they could serve all of this different food.
Robin asked what an inventory of sardines is with his dad. Howard said it just means a few cans. He said his dad has a whole set up at home. He's very organized. Robin said he's very rigid and he needs to break out and really start to live. Howard said his mother is the opposite and he told her that she's with everyone else other than his dad in that.
Howard said he's not sure why his dad is the way he is. He said he must have been raised in a way that makes him do that kind of thing. He said he can't enjoy life like that. Howard said he has to be in complete control like that.
Robin asked what would happen if his father went to the diner and they changed the menu. Howard said that would never happen. He's not sure what his father would do.
Howard said he was going to wear his astronaut helmet to the event and some reporters were asking him about it. Howard said Beth has no idea what happens on the show so she knew nothing about it. He said Beth didn't know that he can't stand the way he looks. Howard said he didn't know how to explain it to her.
Howard said Beth was wearing a gown that a young designer made. Robin said that it was gorgeous too. Howard said they auction that dress off after the event. Robin said she thinks they're doing that on CharityBuzz.com.
Howard said on Thursday night they had this awards show. They call it the DogCatemy Awards. He said he thought it was all dogs but it's dogs and cats because of the DogCatemy name. Howard said it was small the first year they did it and it's gotten to be very big. Howard said they have really good food there and it's a big deal now. Robin said they have a lot of celebrities there. Geraldo was the host of the show. Howard said his wife is beautiful. Howard said it was kind of confusing to see him with his young wife and young kids. He said he thought it was his grandchildren.
Howard said Gerald is in good shape for his age. He said it was very nice of him to agree to do that whole thing too. He said that they had some films from Monica Selles, Marvin Hamlish and other celebrities. Howard said Robin, Gary, Beth and other people also made little films for the event.
Howard said he should have worn the astronaut helmet but his wife would have been freaking out. Robin said the pictures would have been all over the place if he had. Howard said he will whip it out at some point. It wouldn't have gone down too well that night. Howard said he had to make a choice about getting laid the rest of his life or wear that helmet. Howard said the getting laid thing won out.
Howard said the second girl he had intercourse with cried afterward. He said that she was the hottest chick you'd ever imagine. He said he hasn't been able to find her since then. Howard said he wants to see how she looks now. He figures that she looks like a hag now. He said that she was the one who was into Neil Young and he got her all tanked up before banging her. He said that he went down on her and she had blonde hair down there. He said it was a real turn on for him. He said it was fuckin' wild.
Howard said he was inside of this girl and she didn't know if he should be doing it. Howard said he had already cum but she was crying and wanted him out. He said he was done and crying. He said that she wanted to call her boyfriend and let him know what she was doing. She wanted to use his father's phone too and he told her she couldn't do that. Howard said he had to take her home after that. He said he dumped her off at home and said goodbye. He said he never saw her again.
Howard said the whole thing was weird. He said he must have been really bad at love making because she was thinking about this other guy the whole time. Howard said he must have made her appreciate the boyfriend a lot. He's still not sure what he did wrong. He wondered just how bad he must have been.
Robin wondered how they got into that conversation. Howard said he was talking about how much he loves getting laid. Artie said he's woken up and had women ask him for $500. Artie said that's pretty bad too. Howard said he's never had that problem. Artie said he thought that chick was giving him a freebie and he ended up having to pay her 500 bucks. Artie said that she nudged him and told him he had to leave and she asked him for the 500 bucks. That was when they were doing a show out in Vegas shortly after her started working for the show.
Artie said he remembers thinking to himself that she might have been a crystal meth head and she didn't remember that it was supposed to be a freebie. He said he did get most of the night with her.
Howard said they had a stripper who cried after having sex with Jeff the Drunk and that's kind of what it was like for him. Howard played the audio of the girl crying after the Jeff the Drunk thing. She was balling too. Howard said his girl wasn't quite that bad. He said it was just tears and the poor girl missing her boyfriend.
Artie said that the time that Jeff the Drunk was handcuffed to that girl was the best. He said that woman ended up falling for Jeff after a few days. He described the scene where Jeff was shitting in the bathroom and she was puking outside the door.
Howard got back to the DogCatemy Awards and talked about the speech Beth made and how they thanked her in a speech. Howard said he was very proud of her. Robin said that event has turned into something spectacular. Howard said her film was very good and it evoked emotion showing how she's caring for his cat of her's. He said that he'd tell her if it was a piece of shit.
Gary said he was sitting next to Robin and he didn't know what it was going to be about. Gary said that she was upset that one of the other films was tugging at your heart strings but that's exactly what her film did.
Gary said that he was told he was going to be presenting an award with Robin. They didn't know when they were going to do it and Robin ended up getting drunk because she wasn't eating. She had some wine and didn't eat most of the day. Howard said he was wasted too that night. He said he was feeling no pain that day. Robin said she told Gary that if she fell off the stage it was going to be Gary's fault.
Howard said he signed this woman's scrap of paper that he had out for him. Howard said he was signing it and wondered what the fuck she was going to do with it. Howard said they just want to stop you so you interact with them. Howard said it was as if the entire diner was waiting and everyone else wants him to sign stuff. That's when they guy asked him to sign his NY Post. Howard said his father said the guy would probably end up throwing the thing out. Howard said the guy was nice enough but he just wanted them to stop with the nonsense. Howard said he just wanted to get out of there without his mother falling down. Howard said it was wild. That's why he stays in the house so he doesn't offend anyone.
Howard said he was watching the Andre Agassi interview because the stuff he has in his book is good stuff. Howard said that he was into Crystal Meth for a while. Gary said he also talks about his hair and the hair weave he was wearing early on. Gary said they show footage from one game he played and they talked about his hair disintegrating and talked about how he pinned his hair up with hair from other tennis players. Andre said that he didn't even care about winning, it was more about making it through a game without his hair falling off.
Howard said he heard it was also a bash Brooke Shields night on that show. Robin said that it did sound like he felt that she was from Mars or something. Gary said he made it sound like it was all about her and he was just there for her and she wasn't there for him.
Gary said Andre said that Brooke didn't even notice that he was on Crystal Meth because she was so into herself. Artie said that drug is something that you would have to notice if you were with someone who was on it. Howard said that's a bad sign for the marriage when you don't notice it.
Gary told Howard about some of the other stuff that was on the special. Gary said Andre had a father who was nuts and he had once taped ping pong paddles to his hands. They also had a tennis ball serving machine that was souped up so it served balls at 110 miles per hour. Gary said Andre figured out a way to hit the balls over the fence just to get his father to chase after the balls. Gary said Andre hated tennis until after the crystal meth thing. Once he got over that he started to like tennis.
Robin said that the Crystal Meth was the worst thing for his career. Gary said he need up getting caught using it at a match he was playing. Gary said that he claimed that it was his assistant's soda that he had accidentally drank and that's where he got it from. They let him off the hook and he realized that he had to get off of that stuff.
Gary told Howard some other stuff from Andre's book and the 60 Minutes special. He had some stories about the way he was treated growing up. Howard said that you'd think that the guy would hate his father for making him play tennis. Robin shared some of the stuff she learned about him too.
Howard played the prank call that King made during the office shooting story. King called in as an official who was involved with the investigation and he said that they had one death so far. King said that he wanted everyone to listen to Howard Stern and yelled out ''Howard Stern rules!'' a couple of times. They hung up on him and said they didn't have time for that kind of thing now. Howard wondered when they do have time.
Howard thanked King for the call and said that he'd like him to plug SIRIUS XM next time. Howard ended up giving him $711 cash thanks to 7-Eleven. Howard said the guy is out there spreading the word of the Howard Stern Show so he deserves it. King said that if you want to get in touch with him you can find him at KingOfCable@aol.com.
Howard said the guy is doing a good job spreading the word about the show. He said he encourages most people not to make prank calls but some guys just can't be stoped.
Howard said he doesn't want people calling in for more $711 prizes because he doesn't have anymore. Howard said he won't give money to anyone else who makes phony phone calls. Howard said that guy has been doing this for about 20 years so he should get a price at least once. They had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and said he saw that Steven Tyler has left Aerosmith. Joe Perry is trying to keep the band together but he's not sure how that can work without Steven. Howard said he evidently quits the band all the time though. Howard said those guys have made enough money and they don't need to keep going with the same band. Howard said they should get a Filipino guy to be their lead singer like Journey did. Howard said they have Foreigner coming in tomorrow and that's what they've done.
Howard said he had some pictures of the owl that they're going to put up on HowardStern.com.
Howard said that Mariah Carey is shooting a new video and she looks like she's gained about 60 pounds since she started in the business. Howard said someone needs to tell her to stop wearing bathing suits. Robin said she went to see the movie ''Precious'' and she said she would rather be dragged behind a truck. Robin said the movie was about this girl who gets tortured throughout her life. She said that she gets raped by her father and everyone hates her and she's got 2 kids. Robin said that one of the kids is a mongoloid and it's just one thing after another.
Howard said he thought the girl was like 50 years old based on what he saw. Robin said the movie shows some graphic abuse and it's just awful. Robin said that the movie isn't based on a true story either. She said it's a novel that a woman wrote. Gary said the woman worked with some kids and it is based on one or two people. Robin said they don't need to show everything they showed.
Robin said that Mariah Carey was in the movie and you see her as Mariah Carey without make up. She said it was the worst piece of casting ever. Robin said she wanted to walk out of the movie but she didn't do it. Howard asked if she talks to herself telling herself that she has to walk out. Robin said she does do that and she does think to herself that she has to leave.
Howard said they had Jerry O'Connell, Mark McGrath, Natalie Maines, Jeff Probst and Christa Miller on the show. He said Jeff was a great host. He said that Jerry wasn't saying anything negative from what he heard. He said Jerry was just saying he hopes that the show keeps going on after his contract is up next year. Lisa said it was a surprise when he actually called in. Howard said he wasn't going to call in because they were doing so well. Beth told him he should call in.
Howard said he waited until they had about 3 minutes left before he called in. Lisa said they could have kept going for another couple of hours. Howard said he told Tim to let them keep going if they wanted to. Howard said they might end up doing that show again soon.
Lisa said she was out in L.A. covering that special. She said that Jeff's dad flew in to see the show. She said that she also went to see Tim Stack's show. He had Jeff Bridges on his show on Thursday evening. Howard said he didn't hear that show. Lisa said it was good but Jeff may have gone on a little too long because he wasn't in the studio. Lisa said that Tim and Jeff live in the same neighborhood. Robin said that he must not be doing very well then. Howard said Tim was the star of Son of the Beach and he wonders if he has the worst house in the neighborhood. He said maybe he's Jeff's grounds keeper. They spent a few minutes trying to figure out how those two guys live in the same neighborhood. Howard said that maybe Tim lives in the bad part of the neighborhood. Howard said maybe he's a house sitter for someone out there... or maybe he rents a house there.
The guys were also talking about how Stuttering John lives in a nice neighborhood with people like Gary Sinese as neighbors. They talked about that for a couple of minutes and Artie said that he's got an in ground pool out there too. Artie said he'd like to be the only guy in the neighborhood with an above ground pool out there. They talked about how lame those pools can be and how you had to climb up and over the wall to get into them.
Lisa told Howard more about some of the stuff she was doing out in L.A. while she was there. She spoke to Jillian Barberie's co-host Steve. Howard asked why Jillian wasn't on the Celebrity Superfan show. Lisa said she had some meeting that she was in so she wasn't able to call in.
Lisa said that she met Robin Radzinski out there too. Howard asked Lisa why she wasn't getting any action out there. Lisa said she just wasn't doing anything like that out there. She said she met her cousin out there and some other people but she wasn't getting any men.
Lisa said she flew back on Saturday so she didn't have all that much time out there. Howard said last time she was out there she called her cat sitter and tried to charge SIRIUS for that. Lisa said they laughed at her when she did that.
Artie said Lisa could have had the lead singer from The Roots on the Jimmy Fallon show. Artie said he's a good guy. Lisa said she's known him for a while. Howard said he doesn't see Lisa dating a black guy. Artie said the guy has a huge for that's almost straight up in the air. Howard said he sees Lisa with a Jewish guy. Artie asked if she has ever dated a guy. Lisa laughed and said yes. Howard said he can't imagine Lisa going out without anyone other than a Jew. He said he imagines her with Rabbi Shmooli Boteach. Howard said he can't imagine her with Quest Love from The Roots. Howard said he can't picture her bringing him home to meet the family.
Howard imagined what it would be like to bring Quest Love back home with Lisa. He imagined Lisa bringing Mos Def home with her too. He was creating the conversations that might be going on at Lisa's family's house when she brings someone like that home. Howard was talking about what it would be like to bring Quest Love or Mos Def home for Sater. Howard was creating the conversation between Lisa and her father. He had Lisa bringing home some Jewish guys too. He had her dating Ad Rock from the Beastie Boys and her father thinking he was a black guy.
Howard asked Lisa if her parents are together. She said they've been divorced for years. Howard said there's a lot about her he doesn't know.
Lisa got back to her news preview and told Howard about some of the stuff Jillian's co-host told her. That led to Howard talking about how he regrets not taking the shot at banging Jillian. He said he probably could have had her down in Atlantic City during the Stuttering John and Cabbie fight. Howard said she told him she wanted to bang him but he had just started dating Beth around that time. Howard said he's sure that would have been fun. Howard said it would have been great because she lives out in L.A. so she wouldn't have stuck around.
Howard said that most girls that listen to the show would have given him anal too because they all think he's into that. Howard said he's had two women give that to him. Howard did more of his impression of Lisa's dad talking to her about not taking anal from anyone.
Howard asked Lisa how she did out there in L.A. She said that it was good this time. She said that things are different out there but she got into it this time. She said the weather was great out there. Artie said that visiting there is great but living there is different. Howard said that people are people and it's all the same to him. He said he never goes anywhere so he doesn't care about the traffic and stuff like that.
Howard told Lisa to go out and find a man and come back in an hour. He asked her if she would date Medicated Pete. She said no and used his excuse that he's too young.
Howard said they have Kari Ann Peniche coming in today. He said she was on this ''Sex Rehab'' show with Dr. Drew. Howard said the chicks are hunting for guys and they still seem to be going after the guys they want. He said it's not like their addiction is for just any guy.
Howard said Kari Ann was in a sex video with Rebecca Gayhart and her boyfriend Eric Dane. Howard said the Sex Rehab show is really good too. He said he's not just saying that.
Howard said he's got some people on the phone who want to complain about Lisa G. The first caller said that he's sick of hearing Lisa G talking about not being able to get laid. He was going on and on about something that didn't make any sense to Howard so he hung up on him. Howard said you have to get to your point quicker.
Another caller said they have to get rid of Lisa G because her news isn't news. He said that she's also harassing the guests in the green room with the same questions that Howard asks during his interviews. Howard said they are devoted to the show with that news so that's why she does what she does. Howard said he thinks that they could just go to celebrities and ask them what they think of Howard Stern. He said he's not sure why they're working as hard as they do.
Howard took another call from a guy who said Lisa never has follow up questions. He said she also doesn't admit that all she's looking for is a Jewish man. Howard said that's why he's believing that Quest Love didn't have a shot with her.
Another caller said that L.A. sucks and maybe Howard is jaded because he took a shower with Carmen Electra out there. Howard laughed and said maybe he's right about that.
Artie talked about living out in L.A. and how bad things were for him out there. He said he ended up getting an ulcer out there. He said he was afraid to go out because he was afraid he was going to fall off the wagon.
Howard got the Fresh Balls (FreshBalls.com) commercial and said he thought this was a joke at first. He played the commercial for the product and it did sound like it was a joke. Howard played it and said he was thinking it had to be a joke. Howard said they do say you have to identify a problem and fix it. That's what these guys have done apparently.
Gary came in and told Howard that some people were throwing out paper from offices that contained personal information on it. They weren't shredding the paperwork before they threw it out.
Howard played a clip where some fans were yelling out ''Fuck Joe Buck'' over and over. Richard asked them what their problem was with Joe Buck and the guy ended up yelling about how much they hate him. Sal was asking if they would give up a Yankee win if they could save some starving children and the fans were yelling that they wouldn't give that up.
Howard said he knows how they pay A-Rod and all of those guys now. He said they charge ridiculous money for Yankee merchandise. He said they sell the same crap at Target for like 10 bucks but it's not the official stuff.
Howard played some more of Sal and Richard's stuff and they had some fans yelling about how Kate Hudson must have fucked A-Rod in the ass. They also had audio of the fans yelling about how Jews are too cheap to buy gloves so that's why you never see any playing baseball. They had some people talking about Gary's pitch at the Mets game and how awful that was. They started chanting ''Fuck the Mets'' after that.
Artie said that you can get crowds like that to chant just about anything. He said he was out one night and he got a ''Fuck Gavin McLeod'' chant going one night. They had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and said that he's not sure if this chick Kari Ann is going to show up. He said she bailed one other time and she is a bit of a ''case'' so he's not sure. He said she may have needed some emergency cock.
Howard said he believes in this sex addiction thing now. He said that he is a sufferer in a sense. He said that when he was single he needed to have someone to have sex with. He said he didn't want to be alone at night and it's a need you have to be there with someone. He said he does believe in sex addiction. Howard said they are addicts like a heroin addict is. Robin said they're mental and they're addicted.
Howard said he thinks that this Kari Ann chick was molested and raped a few times. He said he's not sure if she's going to show up though. Howard said she was actually in there one time when she was Miss Teen USA. Howard said they had her in the tickle chair when she was like 18 (10/15/2004). The Howard TV guys showed some video of that.
Howard said his father was watching The Godfather on TV and his mother said it was a horrible movie. Howard said he told his mother that it was the best movie ever made and she didn't want to believe it. Howard said his dad loves when Artie does his impressions of the movie. That led to Artie doing a scene for the guys. Artie did some of his impressions and described the scenes and the characters in the scenes. Robin would throw out a scene and Artie would fill in the details.
Howard had some audio of one of the scenes that Artie was reciting. He played that since they had time with no Kari Ann there.
Howard played the audio of this Rod Loy guy talking about famous people like Michael Vick, Britney Spears, Paris Hilton and Howard stern. Loy would talk about the things that were wrong with each of them. When he got to Howard Stern he was saying he was kicked off of terrestrial radio for his filth. Loy said that he's the kind of person you don't want to be seen with. The guy asked his group what they would do if they saw him hanging out with that group of people. Howard said they'd all ask for their autographs.
Howard said the guy is a dick wad. He said he didn't think that anyone even knew him in Little Rock, Arkansas. Howard said this makes him feel good hearing his name mentioned in that group. Howard wondered if anyone went out and bought satellite after hearing that sermon. Artie said he'd go out and get satellite and a Michael Vick jersey after hearing that.
Rod Loy was talking about how Jesus reaches out to all of these sinners and he would probably reach out to Howard Stern and be on his show. Howard said in some weird way he feels complimented by being included in that group. He said it might be weird but that's the way he feels.
Howard said that Rosie O'Donnell was on the Jimmy Fallon show. She was on promoting SIRIUS XM. She has her own show there for 2 hours a day now. Howard said she was talking about how she got the job. Rosie said that Howard used to bad mouth her all the time and she used to pretend that he didn't exist. Then Howard stood up for her and they had some mutual friends that told her that she'd like Howard. She said that Howard helped her get the show on SIRIUS. Howard said that they're very accommodating there and they gave Rosie everything she needed to do her show.
Howard said that Kari is a very interesting girl. Howard asked her how she became a Miss Teen USA girl. Kari said she was modeling at a modeling agency and heard about the Miss Teen pageants and entered it and eventually won the big Miss Teen USA thing. She said she did the Playboy thing and got booted out of the Miss Teen pageant thing. She lost the crown just 11 days before the end of her reign though.
Howard asked Kari what she was doing as far as drugs. She said she did everything. She said she's writing a book about it now. Kari said she's been doing that stuff since she was 12.
Howard said he didn't know Kari had this whole horrible background. Howard said she came clean and talked about being molested and raped. Howard said it's no wonder she has sex issues. Kari said that she was raped when she was 5-7 and the guy was in his 50s. Howard asked where her parents were. She said that her parents worked a lot. She said that they had a nanny too and two brothers. She said that she'd go to the back fence and the guy would take advantage of her. Kari said that he'd give her candy and things and he'd touch him and he'd touch her.
Howard said she would jerk him off through the fence and he'd touch her. Kari said once he cut his finger on the fence and the nanny came out and she thought he had just cut his finger not realizing that her panties were down.
Kari said her parents were actually great. She said her mom was great and her father was usually passed out from doing drugs.
Howard asked Kari about the old man sticking his dick through the fence. She said it was like a fence that was wooden and metal. She said that it had steps on it and she would reach over and jerk him off. She said that she'd get porn from the guy and she'd have to hide it in her stuffed animals. She said that she'd have to cut holes in her stuffed animals. She said she actually looked forward to that stuff. She said that it went on for a few years back then.
Howard asked her about being raped. Kari said she was raped at 14 and 17. She said she was overseas when she was raped at 17. Kari said they were living in a models apartment with some other girls at the time. When she was raped at 14 she was raped by some college boys. Kari said she got drunk and put herself in a bad situation. Howard asked how many guys it was. She said it was just one. Kari said at 14 she was getting into trouble and she didn't report him. She said she didn't tell anyone until she was 19. Howard asked if she ever went after the guy. She said she never saw him again. She said he did drop her off at her house but she didn't see him after that. She said that it really doesn't matter at this point.
Howard asked Kari about getting raped at 17 too. She said that she doesn't drink at all anymore because that's what led to her getting raped both times. Kari said that she thinks she was drugged because she doesn't remember what happened. She said she woke up behind a dumpster after that all went down. She said she was a virgin by choice until she was 18 other than those rapes.
Howard asked Kari about this sex video tape with Rebecca Gayhart and Eric Dane that she ended up in. Kari is friends with them and they ended up taping something at her house. Howard said that he didn't know she was so much fun. Artie said those two did. Howard asked if they had sex. Kari said there was no sex. Howard said according to what he was reading Kari lived with a girl who got into her private stuff. Kari said she shot this Celebrity Rehab show with Mindy McCreedy and she stayed at her house for 3 weeks and it was kind of fun at first. She said when she got the offer for Sober House Mindy didn't and she got really upset about that. Kari said she left for Sober House and she asked Mindy to leave too. Kari said that Mindy said she wasn't going anywhere so she had to call the cops but when the cops called her she wasn't allowed dot answer the phone. Kari said that Mindy stole her external hard drives and they had the video on it.
Kari said that Mindy was trying to extort her and she has the text messages to prove it. Howard said there's a clip of her checking Eric Dane's credit card on the phone. Kari said it wasn't what it looked like and they edited the tapes to make it look like she was a prostitute. She said that she's just friends with Rebecca and Eric.
Howard asked Kari how she knows Rebecca and Eric. She said they met at a party and became friends. That night of the tape they had gone to a party and they went back to her place to finish partying. Howard asked what she was wearing at the party that night. She said she never wears panties so she walks around in short skirts and stuff.
Kari said they had some other people at her apartment that night so it wasn't just the three of them. She said that the other people left. She said that they were playing dress up after the other people left. Kari said that she has a lot of outfits so she and Rebecca were playing dress up. Howard said this guy Eric Dane was sitting around watching and he ends up naked at some point. Howard asked how that happens. She said that they were just trying different outfits on. She said that he was laying on the bed watching. Howard said that he'd know every detail of this story if it was him.
Kari said they decided to take a bubble bath and it was all just very innocent stuff. She said Rebecca is a beautiful girl and she knows that. She said it really was just an innocent thing though.
Howard asked Kari about getting the bath ready and walking around naked. She said that it was no big deal. Howard said she doesn't care because her body is so good. Howard asked if Eric is jerking off on the bed by that point. She said that he wasn't saying anything and she didn't think that he had a boner or anything. She really didn't care. She was more interested in her bath than anything else. Howard said he is holding her naked at some point. Gary said they're both naked in the video. Howard said there must have been something going on there but Kari said that there really wasn't.
Kari said she ended up in bed just to lay down because they were all fucked up. She said there was no sex. She asked Howard if he's ever done anything like that. He said he hadn't but Robin and Artie reminded him that he had done it with John Stamos and Rebecca Romijn. Howard said that was just innocent stuff too.
Gary came in and said that something had to have happened with her and those two. Kari said that she swears nothing ever happened. She swore on her mother's life. Gary said he still didn't believe it.
Howard asked about this Mindy chick saying that Kari was the one who stole her hard drive. She also says that she stole money from her and maybe music from her. Kari said that she and Mindy would do drugs in her apartment and she relapsed because of Mindy after they did the rehab show. Kari said that she was a guest in her home and she wouldn't steal from her.
Howard asked if Kari still hangs out with Rebecca and Eric. She said that they won't do that again. She said that they're still friends though. Kari said Eric was the one who told her about it before the tapes came out. Howard told her she's got a kick ass body and she's got nothing to be ashamed of.
Howard asked Kari about how much sex she's having. She said she's having less now than she was. She said she's had sex since Sex Rehab. She said there are a couple. Kari got kicked off of the show. She said she wasn't even sure why she got kicked out. Howard wanted to know what happened but she said she wasn't able to.
Gary said that one of the employees there got into a physical altercation with Kari. Kari said that the nurse wouldn't leave her alone and she ended up fighting with her. That woman had to be fired. Howard asked Kari what's wrong with her. She said that there is a lot of shit that happens when you put a bunch of people in a small place like that. She said that she's kind of shy and she doesn't like to be in groups like that. She said they think she's arrogant but she's really just shy.
Howard asked if she's off the drugs. Kari said she is off of them now. She said she hasn't done coke in about 3 years. Howard said she has to pull her shit together. He said she's hot and she need to keep it together.
Kari said she has some masturbation issues too. She said she loves to buy vibrators. Kari said she loves to do that all the time. Kari said her favorite one broke last year. That was her ''Mr. Purple'' that broke. Gary told her about the Sybian and how she has to try that. Howard told her to just sit on it and give it a try. She didn't want to do it. Howard told her she has to try it but she said her mother would kill her.
Gary and the guys all came in and set it up for her. Howard told her she has to try it but she wasn't into it. Howard said ''Screw Dr. Drew...'' and told her to just do it. Kari said that she's not sure what Dr. Drew is because he doesn't seem to be a real doctor to her. She said he didn't call her for a long time until the show was coming out and he was doing press.
Howard told Kari that Carmen Electra sat on the Sybian. He also said that Oprah did too. That didn't help. Kari said there was no way she was going to sit on that thing.
Howard asked Kari how many times a day she jerks off. She said it's maybe once or twice a day. Artie said it sounds more like she's a Howarder since she collects vibrators. She said that she kind of is.
Kari told Howard she likes to be tied up too. Howard said he loves that. He asked her what she does when she gets tied up. She gave him some details on that and Howard imagined her being flat on her back being tied up. She said that's a boring way to do it. She has one thing that lets you get tied up with your arms and legs behind your back. She said she likes that. Howard said that sounds kind of scary to him. Kari said she likes that as long as the guy is rough with her. She said she likes to be called names with her hair being pulled. Howard called her a whore, slut, pig and a cunt. She said she likes all of that except for the C-word. Howard asked if he would slap her in the breasts or pinch her breasts. She said Howard sounds like a lousy lay. She said she doesn't like anything done to her nipples. Howard asked what she likes then. Howard asked if he can bang her. She said sure to that. She said she would like it if he went down on her too. Howard said he could choke her but he'd be afraid of killing her.
Howard said he would probably wear an astronaut's helmet. Howard demonstrated what that would look like. Howard put on his helmet and showed how he could still go down on her with that helmet on. Howard said he'd tie her up and rip all of her clothes off. He said he would leave the room for like 5 minutes and then come back in. She said that wouldn't be nice. Howard said he'd come back in and put foods on her ''vagine'' and lick them off.
Kari asked Howard what his best sexual experience was. Howard said it was with his wife. He said he knows that's the answer he has to give. Howard said there are some girls out there that he has to cum with as soon as he enters. He said that it might be horrible for them but it's amazing for him. Howard said it's humiliating and embarrassing but it's just amazing. Howard said he's a man and he can't stop it.
Howard gave Kari a plug for the Celebrity Sex Rehab show. She's also going to be on Celebrity Rehab and Sober House.
Howard read that Kari once had Pauly Shore jerking off next to her at some party. She said she was only 19 at the time and she was embarrassed by that. She said she had only had sex with 3 people at that point.
Howard asked Kari what she thinks about Dr. Drew. She said she's not sure what to think. She said that you go on that show and you're not sure what you're getting involved with. She said that she's hidden a lot of that stuff in her life and she was revealing a lot of it for the first time on TV. She didn't know what she had gotten into.
Howard asked what Kari is going to be doing in the future. She's working on a clothing line. Howard said she needs to find a rich guy and hook up with him. She said she can make her own money. She said she would like to find love though. She hasn't been able to find that yet. She has had some good relationships and some not so good relationships. Howard said maybe she needs a guy like John Stamos. Artie suggested Michael Vick as long as she doesn't have a dog. She said she does have a dog.
Howard read that she dated Nick Carter. She said he was the worst. She said he was a bad lover. Howard said she needs an ugly guy. Kari said she actually does like ugly guys and she hates muscles. Howard introduced her to Benjy. Benjy said he doesn't have one muscle. Howard said he has plenty of guys for her there.
Howard read that Kari wants to be like the next Oprah Winfrey. Artie asked her if she wanted his pancakes. Howard asked her what she was ethnically. She said she's Portuguese. Howard gave her some more plugs for her web sites KillingBeverly.com and ClubKariAnn.com. Howard wondered what she has in this club. She said that it just sends people to her other stuff. She said that she doesn't charge people to get into that site. Howard checked out some of the stuff on her site and said she does appear to like taking pictures. She said her brother was in some of the pictures.
Howard asked Kari again about sitting on the Sybian. She said she didn't want to do that. She didn't want her mom seeing it. Howard said it was like sitting on a motorcycle. She said she'd rather go out and ride a motorcycle.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked her if she was spanked growing up and if she likes it when she's tied up. She said that she was and she does. She said that she got spanked when she was very little.
Howard said he was turned on by her stories and he had to end this. He asked why the molestation stopped when she was 7. She said they moved so that's why it stopped. Howard gave her some more plugs and went to break.
Howard came back and said that song was great. He said that fucker went off the deep end though and just lost it. Howard tapped on his board playing drums along with the song.
Howard asked Robin what happened to her the other night at the DogCatemy Awards. She sat next to him but then moved. Robin said he went over to sit with Melissa Zapin. Howard said that was probably more fun than sitting with him anyway.
Howard said it was already quarter to 10 and he hadn't gotten to many phone calls. Howard took one and the guy said that the picture of Beth in the beanie holding the owl was hot. He said that she's on fire with that smile of her's. He said that the owl looks like an immunity idol from Survivor. Artie agreed with the guy about Beth looking great in that shot. He said that she didn't have any make up on and she still looked hot.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that the whole Kari Ann Peniche interview was weird because the way she denies knowing what's going on and things like that. Gary said he's still not sure about her either because she did three different shows with Dr. Drew and she's still calling him names and stuff. She was also denying having sex with Rebecca and Eric and that was kind of odd to Gary.
Gary said Benjy asked Kari for her phone number and she told him that it had died. Meanwhile she was just on it two minutes before.
Jeff the Drunk called in and said that Kari had some great stories. He said she belongs where she is though. He was talking about rehab.
Jeff said that Wanda Sykes was pretty good the other night on her talk show. Howard said she's got a show and George Lopez has one now too and they're saying that it's good for late night. Howard said it's usually white men who are doing those shows but now there's more choice for people. Robin said she did well with her ratings from what she read. Robin said she got a 2.2 with a 5 share. Jeff thought it was good too.
Howard took a call from a guy who said last week he tried that Fresh Balls thing. He said it's a cream and it's an anti-perspirant. He said that the works outside and wanted to try it so he and his wife talked about it. He said his wife might want to go down on him if he used it and it's been working very well. Howard thanked him for the call.
Howard asked Steve if he wants to produce his show. Steve said he has all the respect in the world for Gary and he can't even shine his shoes. Gary said that Daniel may have thought the news was just part of the show.
Steve said that the Jay Leno show got it's lowest ratings so far with a 1.2 in the demographic they've been following. That led to Artie doing his character that laughs at everything and anything. He was laughing at the Leno show failing. He said that a lonely 4.5 million people are still watching the show. Steve said that was on Friday night. Howard said Jay has less viewers than they do. They're going to end up having sponsors like they do on satellite radio.
Steve said they have an update on the Riley Martin fight with Eron. They're saying that Eron is unavailable to comment about the fight. Howard said that Eron is becoming a big star on that show and Riley must be afraid of that. Howard said he thinks that Eron is talented and Riley can't handle when he talks sense to him.
Steve said that High Pitch Eric blew off a job training course on Friday to attend the Yankees parade. Howard said he can't believe he'd do that. Artie said he was at his comedy show that night too.
Howard had Jon Hein come in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran down his list of subjects for today's show.
Robin started her news with a story about a woman who was dethroned from the Miss California crown has a sex tape out now and she had to stop her lawsuit against the Miss USA pageant because of that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked how she walked out of the Michael Jackson movie. She said she got tired of seeing him getting ready for his songs. Robin said life is too short. Howard said he'd probably fast forward through a lot of it. He said he's really not a big fan of Jackson's. Howard said he did like the new CD (This Is It) where he shows how he put together songs with his voice and no instruments. Howard said that was kind of cool. He asked Gary to get that for him so he could play it. Howard got it a couple of minutes later and played the track he was talking about. It was Michael creating ''Beat It'' with just his voice.
Howard said he likes how Michael insisted he was heterosexual. Robin said when you see him in his movie you do think that he's more masculine. Howard said the stuff on this CD he was playing isn't even in the movie. Gary thought that's what was going to be in the movie but it was just a greatest hits package.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said she saw the Owl picture and the pictures of them at the DogCatemy awards. She said he did look wasted in those pictures. She's also on a letter writing campaign telling SIRIUS how much the fans love him. Howard had to hang up on her because she was going on just a little too long. Howard said he never takes the hint when he thanks her for the stuff she says. He said she just keeps going. He said she is the biggest fan he has out there though.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about a Jennifer Lopez sex tape that's out there. She said that they're trying to stop it from being released.
Howard said Beth beat Reese Witherspoon in one of those photo polls where they pit you up against someone who wore the same thing. Howard said he gets angry when Beth doesn't win but she won this time. He felt good about that win. Howard joked that he would rip it up and tell her to go to her room if she didn't win. He said he'd throw a tantrum if she didn't win.
Robin read a story about a man who was arrested after calling 911 and saying that his marijuana was stolen. He was drunk at the time. That led to them talking about guys vomiting and stuff and Howard playing the Beetlejuice vomiting sound. Howard was reminded that they have the Beetlejuice special ''This is Beetle'' up on Howard TV now. Howard said the number one show on Howard TV right now is Rosie O'Donnell. Howard said people love that. they have the Beetlejuice Mismatch game at number 2. He read a few of the other shows and said that Ronnie the Limo Driver's mother has passed away so he's out of work today. Howard said they're all very sad about that.
Robin read that Lawrence Taylor is in trouble. She read that he was arrested over the weekend for leaving the scene of an accident.
Howard said that Ronnie is having a shiva for his mother and he knows that some of the guys there are going to it. Howard said he heard that Doug Hurwitt is going to it. Gary said he and Doug are going too. Howard said he can't go. Howard said you bring food and stay for a little while to help the grieving people forget about it for a while. Howard said he's pretty sure that Ronnie doesn't want to sit with Doug Hurwitt. He said that's pretty funny.
Howard said Doug Hurwitt is never invited to the Rick's Cabaret parties so he may be trying to get on that list. He said that Lonnie from Rick's may show up too. He said he's always dressed for a funeral so he's always ready to go to something like this. Howard said he's pretty sure that Ronnie doesn't even have any furniture at his house ever since his divorce. He said everyone will be sitting on his NASCAR tire.
Robin got back to her news and read a story about terrorists who may try to take down networks out there and how there is a new virus going around that spreads child porn to people's computers.
Robin had some news about President Obama. She had some audio of him talking about what's going on over in Iraq and Afghanistan. That led to Artie talking about doing comedy over in Afghanistan and having to smell the shit pond they had over there. He said he had to do half the show with a lit cigarette up his nose so he didn't have to smell it.
Robin read some news about Andre Agassi since he was on 60 Minutes last night. Robin had some details of his interview on that show and what he talked about with Katie Couric.
Robin had a story about Britney Spears catching crap for lip syncing her shows all the time. Howard said he was going to go see a show but he heard that she lip syncs every song so he passed on it. Robin read about how her tour manager has been defending her saying that it's the biggest lie they've ever heard when someone reported that people were storming out of her shows in Australia. Howard played a little bit of her music and Artie said that's all shit. He and Robin went to see Bruce Springsteen the other night and Robin said it was amazing.
Robin read about the new ''A Christmas Carol'' movie, featuring Jim Carrey, that came out over the weekend. It's at the top of the charts with $31 million being made over the weekend. Howard said that Jenny McCarthy isn't allowed to come on their show anymore because she's dating Jim. Robin had some audio of Jim Carrey talking about the movie. They ended up goofing on the guy for a short time. Howard said he should be talking out of his ass still. He said those are the kinds of movies Jim should still be doing.
Robin read about Cameron Diaz's new movie ''The Box'' and how that only made $7.6 million over the weekend. She had some audio of her talking about that movie and how no one will ever see that kind of movie again. Howard added ''especially if it only made $7 million.
Robin said that Susan Boyle is going to be singing on Dancing with the Stars. That may cause problems with Sharon Osborne since she's said some things about Susan that haven't been very nice. Robin ended her news and Howard ended the show around 10:55am.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if JD is going to pay Ronnie a shiva visit. Gary and Jon weren't sure. Jon said he thinks that it might be out of his way and he may not be going. He said if JD comes in they'll ask him.
Jon asked Gary if he's surprised that more people aren't going to this thing. Gary said he is but he felt he had to go himself so he's going to go out of his way to do it.
Jon got back to Kari Ann and asked Gary about the way he was beating up on her today. Gary said that the sex video is all over YouTube and a naked guy doesn't walk around two naked chicks just for fun. He said that insults his intelligence when she says that. He was also saying that this stuff is always someone else's fault and she never takes responsibility for anything. He said she has to do that sometime.
Will said that Kari was on Sex Rehab and she ended up doing Celebrity Rehab when they found she was on drugs in Sex Rehab. Then she came in there and bad mouthed Dr. Drew over it all. Gary said she probably walked away with $300,000 for doing those shows and it's really weird to come in and bad mouth the guy.
Jon asked the guys if they think she's really a sex addict. Will said if she is she obviously doesn't want help based on what they've seen.
Jon asked Benjy if he asked her for her number. Benjy said he was told by Doug to go ask her for her number so he did it. Gary said it was a great way for him to do what he wanted to do. Benjy said she told him that her phone was broken but it worked before and after he asked her.
Benjy said he was really nervous handing her his number so he was shaking. He said he told her he was in a fight and that's why he was shaking. Jon asked him why he would try to act tough if she was saying she was into ugly guys without muscles. Will said she was in the right office if that's true.
Jon took a call from a guy who was asking the guys if they had seen some other sex tapes other than this Kari Ann tape. The guy had a creepy laugh that made Benjy seem normal.
JD came in so Jon asked if he was going to make it to Ronnie's shiva. JD said he will not be going. He said he has to get some rest to get over his illness. He will be sending his condolences through a card. JD said a whole group is sending food so he's going to be part of that. JD said he loves Ronnie and he would try to make it if he wasn't trying to get over this sickness. JD said he's not sure if Ronnie likes him but he likes Ronnie and he doesn't wish this on him.
Another caller asked why the guys fall for Benjy being a player. Gary said that Benjy has told them about the way he hooks up with other women and that's what they're going on. Benjy said he ''used to'' go to those sites. He doesn't go to them anymore.
The caller said that he's had a lot of ugly chicks show up when he tries to hook up through web sites. Benjy said he's had ugly girls but he's also had really cute girls show up. Benjy said that he's actually walked out on girls who look like Yoda. He said he didn't used to do that but he has done it. He said women have walked out on him too. He said that maybe 15-20 percent will walk out on him. Gary asked if the girls tell him a lie or do they tell him the truth. Benjy said they just run. Benjy said that the below average girls are the girls who will reject you. The hottest ones are the girls who will fool around.
A Caller asked what this Shiva thing is. Jon said that it's showing up to a house and sitting around talking about pleasant memories and things trying to remember the people who have passed on. He said they cover up all of the mirrors and things like that. Benjy said that it can be happy or a sad thing. Gary said they cover up the mirror so there's no vanity and you're not thinking about yourself.
Gary said he thinks that the chairs that the family sits in are shorter than what the rest of the family sits in. Jon said he's not sure what that's about but he's made the mistake of sitting in the wrong chair.
A caller asked if they heard Robin putting a positive spin on what Martina Navratilova said about Andre Agassi in that 60 Minutes interview. The guy said that the comments really hurt the guy and Robin was trying to put a positive spin on it. The guys spent a short time talking about that. Jon said that Agassi was angry at Martina and he was defending himself saying that he was on those drugs because he was a mess and he wasn't trying to improve his game playing.
Another caller asked if they caught the line that Artie said about giving his pancakes to Kari Ann when she said she wanted to be like Oprah. Gary and Jon said they did hear that and they love when he squeezes in references like that or sports references.
Another caller said Artie has been doing that character of laughing at everything lately and it seems to be a bit hackie. He said he thinks some of the stuff is funny but sometimes he just takes stuff too far and doesn't know when to quit.
The guys talked about Lisa talking about her trip out there and how she had a different attitude this time. Gary said that she was out there for work and the great thing about that is that you can go out at night in a fun city.
Ralph called in and said that he had a good sex story. Ralph said he was messing around with this chick and she liked to be choked. He said that he came and it was really intense and she kind of like stopped moving. He said that she started to cough like she was close to dying. He said he was really worried about it too. He said he can see that it can get out of hand. He said that she liked it though so he's not sure if he would get in trouble for something like that.
The guys told Ralph he would get in trouble even if she was into it. Benjy said the trick is to squeeze it on the sides. Ralph said that's funny that Benjy knows how to do it.
Ralph said he may have knocked her out so he was lucky that she came back. Gary said that they say if you can finish at the right time it's a really great orgasm but he's not sure he'd be willing to take that risk.
Ralph and the guys also talked about Kari Ann some more. Ralph said that she seems to get herself into a lot of the trouble she gets into these days. They spent a minute on that and then Jon let Ralph go so they could go to commercial break.
Jon played a clip of Howard talking about how he didn't get up close to the owl and how he would have run away if they asked him to hold it.
Jon said Howard was proud of the whole thing. They also talked about the DogCatemy Awards since Gary was involved in that. Gary said he likes doing the movie thing because the whole family gets involved. Gary said he likes winning awards for them and it is competitive because it's your pet that's winning.
Gary said he did win an award for his along with Monica Selles. Robin also won for her movie. Gary said they did their movie about the cats they adopted and how they get along with their dog.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that listening to Kari Ann reminded her of her own younger days and how getting naked doesn't mean that they had sex in that tape. She said that maybe they just don't know about it and what happens when people are on certain drugs. She said that ecstasy is like that and you don't even think about having intercourse. Gary said he heard the opposite about that drug. He said he's heard that all you want to do is have sex.
The woman said she used to go to college and they'd run around naked in the hills of Ohio. She said she knows that feeling that Kari Ann was talking about. She said that was like 20 years ago. Gary asked the woman if she would believe her husband if he told her he was hanging around naked with two chicks and they didn't have sex. She said she would believe him.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that they need to extend the Wrap Up Show because they don't have time to cover the whole show. He said that Gary was right about that sex tape too. He said he's never been with any two girls and not gotten it done.
Ralph called in again and said he wanted to follow up on that ladies' call about ecstasy. Ralph said it's happened with him and you do get touchy feely and not even want to have sex. Gary told him he should check out the video to see what it looked like. Gary said that they were in an apartment alone and they were laying on the bed, going into the tub and stuff and it was kind of odd. Ralph said Howard had the story about doing that with John Stamos and Rebecca Romijn so it wasn't that crazy.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he wanted to comment on Robin and how narcissistic she is even with her DogCatemy Awards film. He said that she had to have people help her out with her movie because she just had to win. Jon said that Gary really wanted to win too so he asked if that makes him a narcissist. The caller said it probably does. Gary said he used some of the Howard TV guys to make his movie too. He said they have the resources there so he took advantage of that. He didn't think that using them was narcissistic though. The caller said that the way Robin was acting toward Gange for being sick while she was making her movie was kind of the narcissistic thing he was referring to.
Gary said he had to defend Robin on the whole narcissist test because they didn't know the results were going to end up in a book. They took the test as a goof. Gary said he thinks that Robin and Howard can be pretty high in on the narcissist list and he was surprised that Howard scored as low as he did on that test.
Richard and Sal talked about how it was 11 o'clock in the morning when they went down there and it was kind of early to be that drunk. Gary reminded Richard that he gets drunk at that time on Sunday mornings. Richard said that's okay to do on a Sunday.
Sal and Richard said that it was tough to get close to the parade. They were a couple of blocks away and they weren't able to get close. They were watching at the bar they came upon instead.
A caller said that he saw Benjy running around after some blonde in the park yesterday. He asked what that was about. Benjy said he was out running with his friend Marianne and she was getting upset with him for singing this annoying song he was singing. Gary said he's surprised that he's willing to act like that when there are no cameras around. Benjy said he was just having fun joking around with her.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he was wondering when Dr. Drew is coming back and if he's going to do anything with Artie. Gary said they don't expect to have him back anytime soon since he was just on. He said he's just monitoring Artie and he thinks that he's making progress. The caller said he wanted to tell Gary something off the air. He asked to be put on hold.
Jon asked Sal and Richard if they're going to the Shiva call. Sal said they're going with Doug Hurwitt. They figured it might be kind of interesting to go with him. Jon said he's bringing some guys out there with him too so his car is full.
Jon asked Gary if he thinks that the best chefs in the world are in the diners of Long Island. Gary said he's not sure about that but there are a bunch of great diners out there. He said it's amazing that you can get what you can get at the diners at any time of day. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about how he does a goofy voice in the morning to entertain Artie. He said he does a rant before the show and then does this happy voice that cracks Artie up. Howard said he didn't want to be there so he was asking Toni his hair dresser what to do if he didn't want to be there. She gave him some advice and he gets on air and does that happy voice.
Howard said he had a lot of stuff to get to today. He said it was going to be very busy. They were going to have Daniel Carver calling in to talk about his son getting arrested. Howard said Foreigner will be coming in to perform for them. He said anyone who doesn't know who they are must have been born just recently. Artie said his girlfriend didn't know who they were until he told her about a song or two that she knew. He said she loved them when he finally got to a song that she knew.
Howard said they're going to have Shannon Die on the show. She created some underwear that hides camel toe. He told Gary that sounds weird but it will probably be a good booking. Howard said there are other people out there who think they came up with the idea for that. He said it might be a really good booking.
Robin asked if the underwear has a good name. Howard said it is kind of funny. One so CamelFlage and the other is CamelAmmo or something like that. Howard said they're fighting over the idea of the underwear and even over the names of it.
Howard said Robin used to wear stretch pants back in the 80s an he thinks he saw some camel toe on her. He said he wouldn't tell her if she did have it because he liked it. Howard asked the guys if they're turned on by camel toe. Fred said it depends on the girl. Benjy agreed. Artie said he has to agree with those two. He said it's all about the chick.
Howard said it's not hot to him. He said he shouldn't be able to see that. It shows the lack of awareness from the chick. Howard said he can get into seeing underwear coming out of jeans and things like that but not the camel toe thing.
The part he doesn't like is looking older. He doesn't think about it much until he sees pictures of himself. Howard said he thinks he's looking like his mother. Pete thought he was looking like his father. Howard said his mother looked like her father and she looks like him so he's looking a bit like her. Pete asked how he feels physically inside. Howard was trying to get there but Pete was rushing him.
Howard said he sees pictures of himself and he picks up on how old he's looking. He said he doesn't look very good and he feels a certain way. His foot might hurt from running or his hip might hurt. He said those physical things bother him and he doesn't like the aging process. He said it can be a beautiful thing but he doesn't like to see his body breaking down.
Howard said he's feeling good but he wanted to knock on wood. He was trying to find it and wasn't sure if there were any wood surfaces in there. Scott DePace told him that it was wood so he knocked on it. Howard said he didn't used to be into that kind of thing but his 16 year old daughter started doing it so he started. Howard said Beth did that to him too. He said she got him started with some things like that.
Pete asked Howard about having sex and if he can keep up with Beth with that. Howard said he has no problem with that right now. He said he does kind of wish he and Beth were closer in age but then again he thinks that maybe it's perfect the way it is. He said that if they had met at different ages then maybe things wouldn't have worked out.
Pete said Beth is getting older too. She's going to be 40 in a couple of years. Howard said he loves her right now and that's what he's going to say. He said she's 37 right now and he's not going to rush things. Howard said he'd like to continue being 40. He said he was feeling good around that age and he'd like to stay there. Howard said he feels good now but he knows that there are things he'd like to do that he just can't do at 55.
Robin asked Howard if he thinks he could ever get back to what he was doing at 40. Howard said he doesn't feel as energetic as he did back then. Howard said he doesn't act old. Robin said he does. She said in his thinking he acts old. Howard said he's been doing that since he was a teenager.
Howard said it's a great time of his life and he's enjoying the way things are going. He's got more knowledge and he's grown in many ways. He said he's at a good place in his life. Pete said some people miss him being crazy though.
Howard said that he came to a conclusion a long time ago. If you don't change then you're dull. He said that you have to constantly evolve and change. He said he knows people love different times from the show like the Billy West years, the Jackie years and all of that. Howard said if he senses that his audience is done with him then he'll leave radio. Pete said that won't happen. He said that no other show has captivated the audience like his show has.
Howard said he was thinking about this career in his office because he has no choice with all of the stuff he has in there to remind him about what he's been doing. Howard said you have to have a talent and a certain ability to do a show like this. He said you have to know how to tell a story and things like that. He said it was the way he was raised that got him to be able to do it the way he does. Howard said his father made him nuts growing up but that helped him be the person he is now. Howard said his father would tell him that he was boring and he had to get to the point so that's why he does that. Howard said his callers are often very boring and he has to cut them off because of that.
Howard said you have a physical gift you're born with that leads to you being the way you are. He said that guys like Eddie Van Halen had that in them but they had to have something around them to get them down the right path. Howard said that's what happened to him. He said his father was in radio as an engineer so he had an idea of how things worked. Howard said that was instrumental in him becoming what he was. Howard said he probably wouldn't have been on radio without that in his life.
Pete told Howard he has to give God a little credit. Howard said that's the ''being born with'' part of the whole conversation. Howard said you have to have a sense of humor and the ability inside of you to understand that.
Pete said that's the way Artie got to the place where he's at. Howard told him to hold on with that, they'll get to Artie later. Howard said the third component a person needs to be successful is having the ability to practice. He said that he read a book called Outliers: The Story of Success and they say you need 10,000 hours to be an expert. Howard said he watched a lot of TV and listened to radio and saw his father working. He said all of those hours helped him become who he is. Howard said he got hours of practice on college radio and then on regular radio all around the country.
Howard said it's the same with guitar players who practiced in their bedrooms through their childhood. He said they have to put in hours of practice. Robin said that people are born with that talent in a way.
Howard said there's also a fourth requirement. He said that is being born in the right time frame. Howard said when you hear about Bill Gates being a huge success you go through his history and he had available to him things that led him down the right path. Howard said the circumstances led to him being able to have many hours in a computer lab thanks to his parents. If Gates hadn't been able to do that then he wouldn't have been the person he is today.
Howard said Gates got access to programming that other people wouldn't have been able to get. He was able to use it all night and day when other people wouldn't be able to use it for an hour.
Robin asked about the kids who are born with nothing. Howard said that even kids who aren't born without much can have careers based on when they were born. He said in the book Outliers: The Story of Success they talk about hockey players. He explained all of that and how they show that many of them are born in the months of January, February and March.
Howard said this guy David Lee Roth was told to go on the radio and do a radio show. Howard said it was destined to fail. Howard said that they all knew it was going to fail but the people at the company didn't know it. Even David Lee Roth didn't know it. Howard said he talked to Dave about it before they left K-Rock and Dave came in with a bit of swagger and he tried to shower him with love wishing him the best. He thinks that took Dave by surprise. Dave was very defensive that day. Howard said he really did wish him the best but Dave, in his arrogance, said to him that he was used to speaking in front of 300,000 people and doing radio was no big deal to him. Robin said he actually said that it was the greatest opportunity to speak to even more people, like millions. Howard had pointed out that there might not be millions to listen to.
Howard said he knew it was a daunting task for Dave. He said he was not prepared and he needed his 10,000 hours of practice to do it right. Howard said he might not even have that talent to do it. Howard said he believes that he is the best on radio and he isn't pompous about that in anything else in his life. Howard said he doesn't even know how to be a human being. He said that's what he talks to his shrink about all the time. Howard said when it comes to this radio stuff, he's good. He said he's as competent as it comes. He said he's the Beethoven of radio.
Robin said that she used to wonder why people couldn't see what Howard knew. She said that she never understood why people weren't listening to him when he'd tell them stuff. Howard said he didn't get it either. He said he wanted to be let loose but these guys like Pig Virus, John Hayes and other guys didn't get it. Howard said that would be like Eddie Van Halen having to get guitar lessons from him.
Howard said it was so annoying to him that no one listened. He said he gets radio and he knows what to do with it.
Pete said Howard is respected there at SIRIUS. Howard said he isn't respected even there. Howard said he is respected there more than other places but he still has issues. He said that people are messing with his people and offering them jobs and telling them how to do their jobs. He said that makes him look at them like flies that have no conception of what's going on. Howard said he doesn't like them questioning what they're doing there. Howard said he doesn't want them inflicting their pain on them. Howard said he knows there are things that are very boring on the radio but for the most part he's able to hit home runs out of the park. Howard said they should have a home run today on the show at some point. He said they can't hit them all the time.
Pete asked when he's going to know if he's coming back to work there or not. He said he has to know it by now. Howard said he doesn't know right now. Howard said he has had conversations with his agent about it. He said his agent thinks that he's not available to talk to but it's the opposite. He said he and Don sat down and talked and they talked about this very topic. Howard said he knows what he wants to do. He said he's not sure if SIRIUS is going to go for it. Howard said if they sat down and talked about going on it would never be that easy. Howard said there are things he wants to do and places he wants to go but he's not sure if they'll go for it. Pete said they have to go for it. He said Howard created this. Howard said he didn't but he does think that they'd be out of business if he hadn't come there.
Howard said he doesn't know if it'll make sense to the company. Howard said he's a supporter of the company and they have to stay around. Howard said he thinks that it will only get better. Howard said the fact of the matter is that they could be around some more there. He said he knows he gets in trouble for saying ''The fact of the matter is...'' too much but he said it anyway. Howard said he's not sure if he's going to be able to bang out a new contract or not.
Robin said that she wasn't going to take the job with Howard until she heard the tape of him. She knew she had to meet him when she heard a tape. Howard said he has to take most of the credit for what Robin has become. He said that the people that work with him are a big part of the show too. He said he worries about the people who work with him too. Pete said he doesn't have to worry about them but Howard really does.
Howard asked Fred what's going on with him. He wanted to move on to something else. That didn't end the conversation though. Fred said that this could inspire people to do what he does. Fred said you have to love what you do. Howard said he doesn't love it. He said that's not one of the components. Howard said he didn't love radio and he had a lot of pressure in his life to do it. Fred said he did what he did though. He said he thinks that Howard isn't even aware of it.
Howard started to sing ''Do I love radio?'' to the Fiddler on the Roof song. Howard sang to himself and asked himself if he loves radio. He said he doesn't like radio in that song.
Pete got in a plug for the strip club Cheerleader's out in Pittsburgh before he got off the line. Howard let him ago after that.
The caller also told Howard he has met Beth many times and she's really a beautiful person inside and out. Howard said he knows that and that's why he married her. He said he knows exactly what the guy means. Howard said she's beautiful on the outside but she's also an amazing person on the inside. The caller said he's happy for Howard having that in his life. Howard thanked him for that.
Howard said he was watching Celebrity Sex Rehab last night. He said he kind of blew it with Kari Ann yesterday because she's completely out of her f'ing mind. Howard said in the second episode she totally unravels. Howard said she was super cunty to that woman who works for the show and he's not sure what to believe about her. He said that she's got the worst attitude.
Howard said Dr. Drew was saying that she might be mentally ill. Howard said she seemed incredibly together yesterday but on this show she was out of her mind. Howard said he's never seen anybody this belligerent, angry and bizarre in his life. He said she was disheveled and her ass was showing and she wasn't able to get out of bed. She was lying about stuff too.
Howard said if he had seen that episode the interview would have went differently yesterday. He said that she was totally charming in there yesterday and he was kind of like ''Wow'' with her. He said she seemed together and figured they kicked her off for being boring. Howard said she was the whole show and she was like the Jeff Conoway of Sex Rehab.
Howard had some clips to play form the show. He said he has to play some other stuff after that. Howard played a clip where Kari Ann was meeting with a doctor and she starts to freak out about all of the stuff she needs to do at home. She wanted out of rehab and wanted to go home and do that stuff instead. Then she thinks the doctor is laughing at her. Howard said she's constantly accusing people of laughing at her even though they're not. Kari goes on to say that she wants things with her there that she didn't have time to pack on her own. She went off on the doctor about the way he was answering her. Then she walks out of the meeting.
Howard played another clip of Kari talking to her manager and not listening to the rules they have there in the rehab center. She calls her manager and he tells her to stay there. He told her it would be the end of everything if she did leave. Then the worker from the center tells her she can't be texting anyone. Kari gets into an argument with her about that and hands her phone to the worker, Selma. Selma tells the manager what they have to do and he was fine with it. Kari wasn't okay with it and she was acting like a little child. The two of them end up arguing.
Robin said she was able to get it together to be on their show yesterday. Howard said it was just weird. He said he didn't know she was that whacked out. Howard said he's not sure what to think,. He said she seemed really normal yesterday.
Artie went into his guy who laughs at everything character and laughed at that. Howard said Rolling Stone is giving that crap 5 star reviews. Artie said that The Ramones are like Chikofsky compared to that. Howard said that her album got 4 out of 5 stars in Rolling Stone magazine. Howard said that they can't be serious about that.
Robin asked if Richard Christy finds any beauty in that. She said that he finds dogs growling in metal songs. Fred said if that was a metal song then maybe he would find something good in it. Howard played more of the clip from Fallon's show and it didn't get any better.
Howard read the review that Rolling Stone gave to her album and they say that her music remains vital and funny. Howard said he agrees with the funny part but not with the other stuff the wrote. Fred said that she must have been an amazing fuck. He said that John Lennon must have thought she was a great lay to stay with that.
Fred mentioned that he got the mono recordings of the Beatles stuff and it cost him $200 for that. Howard asked Fred what he does with that. Fred said he will listen while he's on Lotus Notes and things like that. He wears headphones while he's doing that. Fred said he will either do that or put it on speakers in the apartment. Fred said that listening to the great songs from those albums don't compare to this Yoko Ono crap. Howard played more of it and said it's laughable and beyond ridiculous.
Howard said this isn't even a song, it's gibberish and even Meg Griffin couldn't find anything good about this music. Howard said he wants to get her on the phone and ask her if she does. Howard said they might have to take some bets on the show. Howard asked the guys what they think. Artie said she will find something in it that she likes. Fred said he thinks she will buy into it too. Robin said yes too. Howard was the only one saying no. He said that Meg will not like it. He told Gary to get her on the phone and he talk to her after the commercials.
Howard came back and had Meg Griffin on the phone. Meg used to work with Howard back at K-Rock. Howard asked Meg what she thinks of this Yoko Ono music he was playing earlier. He told her that she was on Jimmy Fallon's show. Meg said she didn't know she was on. She said she was hoping to catch it. Howard said Meg has a great voice for radio. He said he sucked and Meg was good.
Howard played some of the Yoko Ono stuff for Meg so she could let him know what she thinks. Meg was laughing when she heard the start to the song with Yoko cackling.
After playing some of the song for Meg Howard told her that it goes on and on. He asked Meg what she thinks and if she likes that. Meg said ''Um... No.'' Howard said he knew it. Robin said she's heard many of her Christmas specials and she wonders why she doesn't like something like that.
Meg said she might play something like that just to let people know it's available. She said she doesn't like it and she wouldn't play it very often. Fred wanted to ask Meg a follow up question. Howard didn't let him and told him to find some of this Monsters of Folk stuff Meg was talking about.
Meg said she's on The Loft on SIRIUS and she plays music like the Monsters of Folk. She said that Howard and Yoko have a lot in common with their music. Howard said they both loved John Lennon and that was about it. Meg said that Yoko has caused a lot of controversy just like Howard has done. Howard said she had no musical talent though. Howard said he had talent for radio.
Fred played the Monsters of Folk stuff and it was at least some form of music. Howard let that play a bit and said that it was alright. He said it was music at least. He said he could probably get into it. Howard said it sounds like that guy who did the covers of George Harrison songs with too much echo on it.
Meg said that John Lennon used to listen to their station and he liked what they were playing because it reminded him of Yoko's music. Meg said John did what he did because he loved Yoko. She said you could see him pretty much holding in his laughter while that was going on.
Howard said he thinks that John was Punking all of them back then. Artie said that was his way of going apple picking with a chick. Meg said it wasn't a bad thing.
Meg asked Howard about the owl and what happened with that. Howard told her that they released it into the wild over the weekend. Meg said she didn't know that and thought it was very cool. She asked Howard to check out The Loft on SIRIUS 29 and XM 50 once in a while. Howard said he would do that and let her go.
Howard said he wished he had gotten to bang Meg when he worked with her at WRNW. Howard said he met her before he got married the first time. He said she had no interest in him at all. Howard said he was a guy who know regular bands and not all of the obscure stuff that she was into. Howard said she was some looker and she was good on the radio too. He said he would have given it to her hard.
Robin said Yoko is being honored by some people. Howard said he was honored by the people who paid him and Yoko never had that. Howard said he still can't believe she's getting 4 and 3.5 star reviews for that awful music. Howard said it ruins Rolling Stone to have a review like that. He read more of their review and found it hard to believe that they gave it such a glowing review.
Howard said this is Shannon on the phone. He said that they figured she might be a boring guest but there's another person who claims she stole her idea to have camel toe underwear. Shannon said she did a search before she put her's out and there was nothing in the patents. Howard had the other woman on the phone too. Her name was Treger. Her invention is CamelAmmo. She claims that they had to change the name when they found out that they had CamelFlage.
Treger said that she can't have the trademark on that stuff because it's taken by someone else in Illinois. That's spelled with a K though. Howard asked Treger if her underwear also hides camel toe. They both do.
The two of them were saying that they both have a patent but Treger said that she doesn't have a patent because they have a patent. Treger said that it appears that she stole their tag line from their web site too.
Howard wanted to ask the women questions but they were busy arguing with each other. Howard said it's possible that both of them had the same ideas to do this. Treger said that it's not coincidence that they came up with this idea around the same time. She said that she found out that Shannon was going to be on the Stern Show through Twitter.
Treger said that she had someone on her Facebook account bad mouthing her company and that's not cool. Shannon said she's never been on her Facebook. She said she's not ripping her off and she did do a patent search. Treger said that she appears to just want a quick buck. Howard said he doesn't think there's a quick buck there at all.
Howard said that neither of them have a patent. They're both patent pending. Treger said they filed theirs 18 months ago. Shannon said she did a search and never found anything. Treger said that Shannon stole the name from them. Shannon said she didn't do that.
Gary said that on Treger's web site it says that the patent is pending and she's saying that they have the patent. Shannon said that she wouldn't have followed through on this if she had seen a patent. She said she didn't appreciate her saying that she was a plagiarizer because she is not. Treger said that by the end of the year they're going to have it all.
Howard asked Treger if she's going to have Shannon's sales coming to her. Treger said that it will all be theirs by the end of the year and she'll be a millionaire. Howard said he doesn't think anyone cares about camel toe that much.
Howard said that it is possible that they both came up with it around the same time. Treger didn't believe it. She said that she stole her name and the tag line from their web site. Shannon kept denying it.
Howard asked Treger about finding out about this on Twitter. Treger said that she goes out and searches her first company name and she found this new company using the name and that's how she found out about it.
Howard said he knew this was going to be good. He said this is the way huge corporations fight. The two of them were still going back and forth on that when Howard took some phone calls.
A caller said he was an inventor of BonerFlage. He said he's going to be suing both of these ladies. Howard said it sounds like there's a lot of suing going on. Treger said that they're not going to be suing anyone. She said they're just going to do a Cease and Desist so she'll have to hand over all of her earnings.
Gary came in and said that Treger was going to come up there this morning but they didn't invite her so she's downstairs at the cafe. Howard wanted to see what they looked like. Artie said he knows what Shannon looks like, she was up there one day. Artie said that she's hot.
Shannon said this Treger is stalking her. She said she knows nothing about her but Treger is following her and she's stalking her. Shannon said she's not going to put up with this.
Howard wanted Gary to get Treger up there. She just needed to come up there from the lobby. Howard put her on hold and got back to Shannon.
Shannon said she came up with this idea a year ago when she was in Yoga class. She said she hadn't heard of this Treger woman until a couple of months ago. She said they researched it and found nothing. She said that she never stole anything from her.
Howard said that Shannon is hot. He saw a picture of her out in Las Vegas. Howard found out she's a model in Denver. Robin asked her if she knew anything about this Treger woman at all. She said she didn't really know much until just recently. She said she did all of her research and she wouldn't have started the company if she knew all of this before.
A caller said that he has a product called Moose Knuckle. Shannon said that's what they call it on big women. Howard took another call from a guy who said he hopes that both companies fail because he likes to see some camel toe. He said you want to reach out and shake hands with them.
Another caller said he agrees with that guy about the underwear. Then Mark the Patent Attorney called in and said that this is a mess. He said that he would like to offer his services to them on a pro-boner basis. He said that they have to figure out who came up with the idea first and prove it. Mark said that they have to have computer files showing when they first came up with it or something else to prove it.
Benjy said that one of them is an insert and the other is sewn in. Howard asked Shannon what her's is. She said that her's is sewn in and the other product isn't. She said that the other one is a slip in from what she's heard.
Howard asked Mark if she has a case. Mark said that patents aren't released for 18 months so there could be something in there that they don't know about.
Howard asked Mark who he would want to represent. Mark asked who was hotter. Howard said he'd have to check out Treger. She came in a short time later and she was attractive too. Howard asked her how long ago she came up with her idea. She said it was February of 2008. Howard asked Shannon when she came up with her idea. She said it was April of 08.
Treger said that her underwear has one that's sewn in and one that's just an insert. She was wearing them and demonstrated them for Howard. Howard said he didn't see any camel toe on her. Howard asked her to turn around so he could see her ass too. Howard told her to remove the tag next time she's on radio.
Treger said she runs a non-profit organization and the CamelAmmo thing. She said that they're making good money doing that and trying to make sure that they cover every angle. Treger said that she's going to combine both companies and she's going to take everything she has. She thinks that Shannon is ripping them off and she has every right to do what she's doing.
Howard asked Treger if she thinks it's possible that they came up with the same idea at the same time. Treger said it's not possible. She said that she ripped her off. Shannon said that Treger is being evil to her and this isn't nice. She said that little children must be scared of her.
Jason came in and said that this Treger girl is a fuckin' bitch. He said that's the way she's coming off on the air. Jason said that Shannon was the one who contacted the show to promote her product. Jason said that maybe she should have a better attitude toward this Shannon girl. He said that she's trying to have her moment on the air.
Jason said that they would have contacted the show instead if they wanted to sell this stuff. Jason said that they didn't even ask her to come on the show and she's there. Treger said that she wouldn't mind it if she was on any other show but when you go on Howard's show then she has to do something.
Howard said that if Treger feels ripped off them Shannon must see why she would be upset with her. Shannon said that she would want to get credit for what she did if the whole thing were reversed. Shannon said that she would never act the way she did to her.
Shannon said she will back out of this if the patent comes through. She said that she will back out if all of that comes through and she is found to have the patent before she did.
A caller said that they should settle this on the Sybian. Treger said that's the one thing she told her husband she would not do.
Howard said Shannon sent him a letter asking to come on the show to talk about this and he thought it was going to be a 2 second interview. It turned into this instead.
A caller said that Shannon was saying that she didn't know about this until months ago but then she said she didn't know anything about it. Shannon said she was saying that her type of invention was different than the other stuff out there.
Treger was showing them the underwear that they had and they did file for the sewn in camel tow thing. Treger said that they don't sell the sewn in version to the public. She said that they sell to stores though. Shannon said she didn't know that and she said there is no way she would know that.
The caller on the line told Howard that Jesus was no Christian. Howard didn't know what the guy was talking about or why he mentioned it.
Another caller said that this was the worst 20 minutes of radio ever. He said it's a combination of everything and they need to move along.
Fred said there's another company called a Coochini that sounds very similar. Treger said that they know about that and they think that they're okay because their products are different enough.
Jeff the Drunk called in and told them both to go fuck themselves. Howard gave both of the women plugs for their products and web sites. You can check them out at CamelFlage.com and CamelAmmo.com. Howard let Treger go after that.
Mark the Patent Attorney called in again and joked that Scott DePace had just filed for the Labia Caddy which is something similar.
Howard said he can imagine Robin wanting something like this. Robin said she doesn't need anything like that. She said that something like that is for women who want to go out in bikinis and not have their camel toe shown.
Howard said it seems that Treger has been in the business a little longer. He wasn't sure who was going to be the winner in all of that. They had to go to break a short time later.
Howard came back and had Daniel Carver on the phone. Howard said he was concerned about his son being arrested. Howard asked Daniel how he's doing. Daniel said his son is still in jail. Howard said he has met Daniel Jr. before. Howard said he seemed like a nice kid other than the extreme racism.
Daniel said that his son will get a trial but it won't be a fair one. Howard asked what's going to happen if they have a black jury. Daniel said he's not sure it'll make a difference. He said that the whites are just as bad as the blacks because they're afraid of being called racist themselves. Daniel said that they will bring racism into a trial even if it has nothing to do with the case.
Daniel said he was tried on terroristic threats back in 1987. He said he was surrounded by a bunch of GBI (Georgia Bureau of Investigations) agents and he was threatened with threatening a black guy. He said he was convicted and given probation. He said he didn't have to do any time. He claims that the Judge knew he was innocent so that's why he got probation.
Howard asked Daniel why his son was arrested. Daniel said someone told the FBI that he had firearms. He didn't have any but he was arrested on heresy. Howard said that makes no sense to him at all. Daniel said that's the way it is. Daniel said they charged him with possession of Meth too so he's not sure what that's about. He said that's a black drug so he knows that's not his son's. He said that should come out in the trial. Daniel said he's not sure how the drugs got into his son's house.
Howard asked how many years his son is facing. Daniel said it could be a lot of years but he really doesn't know. Robin asked if he feels his son was targeted by someone. Daniel said that's not what he thinks. He said that he has never said that. He said he doesn't think he's guilty though.
Howard asked if his son has a Jewish attorney. Daniel said he wasn't sure about that. He said that the investigator he hired is black. He said that they were appointed to him though, he didn't hire them.
Robin said that one time Daniel almost hugged her when they did a show together. Daniel said that he didn't do that but Robin insisted that he did.
Daniel brought up this Muslim guy who attacked the troops at the Texas military camp. Howard said he wanted to talk to Daniel about his son and said that he was calling to talk about that. Daniel said that this Muslim guy was an N-word and they can't even let the soldiers even have bullets. He said that if the soldiers had bullets maybe they could have stopped this guy before he killed all of those people he killed.
Howard said he thinks that Daniel is deflecting and he's got a lot of pain in his life right now. Daniel said he thought they wanted to talk about race crimes. Robin said they wanted to talk to him about his life.
Howard asked Daniel if he's cried over this thing with his son. He said he doesn't cry much but he has cried when his family members have died. Howard asked if his wife has cried. Daniel said she cries all the time. Howard wanted to know how he's been doing personally. Daniel said that a lot of innocent people have gone to jail. He compared his son to Jesus and other people who have been jailed.
Howard asked Daniel if it's true he has a Hispanic grandson. Daniel said they've talked about that and he has no black or Hispanic grandchildren. He said the one they're talking about is white. He said that the kid is 17 years old and he's not Hispanic. Howard said he heard that they've seen the child and he is Hispanic. Howard said he may have them up there. Howard asked if he hates blacks. Daniel said he doesn't hate anyone, not even blacks. Daniel said he doesn't hate them either, he just thinks they're animals. He said his grandson also thinks that they're animals and he uses the N-word. He just said that he doesn't hate them.
Daniel said that his grandson wants to come on the show so he will let him if they're invited. Howard said that he may have them up there. Howard asked if his grandson loves Hispanics. Daniel said that he doesn't love them either. He said no one loves them or any other third world type of people.
Howard told Daniel that he's going to set up a visit for him and his grandson. He said that he will work with Tim Sabean on that. Howard asked if his grandson is dark haired. Daniel said that he is but so is Artie.
Howard asked Daniel how he's handling having a black president. Daniel said it appears no one is liking him right now. His approval rating is dropping and he's talking about sending more troops over to Afghanistan.
Howard asked Daniel if he had a Hispanic grandson, would he still love him. Daniel said he would but he knows that he's not Hispanic.
Howard said that there are a lot of black people who have invented stuff we use today. Daniel said they have never invented anything. He said that George Washington Carver didn't invent anything, he was just given credit for it.
Howard said he's sorry to hear that his son is in jail. He said he was saying that on a personal level. Robin and Daniel were going back and forth arguing about stuff but they weren't getting anywhere.
Howard asked Daniel how his wife's doll collection is going. Daniel said they're waiting for a Howard Stern doll to add to the collection. He said she doesn't have anything new that he knows of.
Howard said he believes that Daniel has a heart somewhere in there. He said he feels bad for his son being in jail. Daniel said he could send him some money if he wanted to be nice. Howard said that he wasn't feeling that bad. Artie told him that he could use that 25 grand he won in the football pool. Daniel said he invested that in SIRIUS stock and it's worth nothing now. Artie laughed and said he loves that.
Howard said he thinks that Daniel's grandson must be a nice kid. He said there has to be a nice kid in that family somewhere.
Howard said that they're going to have Daniel and his grandson up there to talk about all of this. Howard said he would love it if is grandson was Hispanic. Daniel said he'd get some of that Welfare if he was. Howard said that would force him to love a Hispanic. Howard said it would make a great movie. He asked Daniel what he'd think about that. Daniel said it might change his outlook on life.
Howard said that Steve Langford was on that story about the grandson. Daniel said that Steve Langford is nuts. Artie said they all know that.
Howard said he was trying to end the interview by saying that the grandson must be nice. He said he was just trying to end it because he has Foreigner coming in. Howard asked Robin if she thinks that Daniel's son is in trouble being in jail. Robin said that he may be. Artie said that they don't have to worry about Leno stealing Daniel Carver from them. He said that's what makes Howard's show so edgy. They had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and danced to the song and said that he had the guys from Foreigner in the studio. They were there to do some songs for them. Howard said he heard that one of his friends had just seen them there in New York City. Howard said that it was actually John McEnroe who told him about it.
Howard said he had Mick Jones, Kelly Hansen and Jeff Pilson in the studio today. He talked to the guys about the other guys who have been in the band in the past and what happened with them. One of the guys went through some brain tumor cancer treatments and when he came out of that he wanted to write Christian music instead.
Howard said that the guys have sold like 70 million albums and it's odd that when you have a brain tumor. Mick said that there were things that happened in his life that led to him losing the desire to work with them. Howard said he heard that some of the guys in the band wanted to make some money and they ended up hating each other. Mick said he had been on the show one other time and talked about Lou leaving the band and Howard said that he was a schmuck.
Howard asked if Lou has contacted them since that time to go out on tour and make a lot of money. Mick said he went out and did his own thing and abandoned the group. He said he's got his own band and he had no clue about it when it happened. Howard said there aren't many guys who can create and perform songs that are hits like they have. Mick didn't understand why he wanted to splinter up the band either. He said it has a bad effect on everyone.
Howard said it's so sad that this happens to so many rock bands. Howard said he was thinking of Guns N Roses and it's a similar thing. Howard said they had magic and they broke it up. Howard said it's very rare to have magic like that.
Mick said that it's like a marriage because you spend so much time together doing everything and it's a very serious relationship. Howard asked how long the relationship lasted with them. Mick said it was 9 or 10 years. He said there were things that were contributing to that failing though. They had to improve on each album and that took its told on them.
Howard asked Mick if he has to get Lou's permission to go out and tour. He said he doesn't but there are some other things going on and Lou is seeing that they're a real band now and he's got his lawyers contacting them now. He said that they're representing the songs the way they were when they first heard them and they weren't able to do that with Lou in the last few years.
Howard had the guys perform some stuff for them acoustically. They did their song ''Feels Like The First Time'' first.
After the song Howard and the guys gave them some applause and said that it must be hard to sing. Kelly Hansen was singing and said that it's not the hardest one to sing. Kelly said he was in the band Hurricane in the 80s and he had run into Mick in the past. He heard that they were going to do a solo project and he wanted to get something going on so he talked to management and they went back and forth and that's when they revamped the band. Kelly said that it was scary to step in there.
Howard asked Mick what he's going to do if Lou wants to come back to the band. He asked if he would boot him out. Mick said he would not do that. He said he has heard from Lou about putting the band back together but they've come so far with this band now that he doesn't want to do that. Mick said he's having fun in the band and they just click.
Mick said that if they want to get into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame they may have to get together to do that. Kelly said that he'd be fine with that. He said they're all adults and they know what they have to do when it comes to something like that. Kelly said that he's pretty insecure about stuff but he knows he just has to keep on marching on every day.
Howard asked who wrote the song they just heard. Mick said he wrote it. He said he wrote it when he was in a tough position in New York after moving there with the band Spooky Tooth. He said he was left high and dry there in the city and he had to make a big decision to survive and do something. Mick said that song came out of thin air. He said it was all about love.
Howard asked Mick about how The Beatles took him under their wing when he was about 15 years old. Mick said he was playing with a French female star and they were working with the Beatles before they came to the United States. He said his guitar got snagged while on stage one night and John Lennon heard him cursing and came up asking him if he was English. Then John invited him up to have a drink with the band. Mick said he was actually 17 and not 15 like Howard had said.
Howard asked if he was banging that French woman he was working with. He said he wasn't but he has told her that he wished he had been back then. Howard asked Mick about hanging out with The Beatles and how that all went. He said it was a lot of fun hanging out with them because they were always together at the time. He said they were playing a lot of American music at the time.
Howard asked which one of the guys he liked the least. Mick said he can't say. Howard asked him who he would push off the boat first if he was on a sinking boat. He said that Ringo would probably take it the best because he's got a good sense of humor.
Howard asked if the Beatles played anything that blew his mind. Mick said he doesn't recall. The other guys in the band talked about how Mick has told them some stories about how he was with them when they got the telegram finding out that they had gone to number 1 in America.
Mick also told a story about how the guys in the band were under a table one night inspecting some girls under the table. He said that they also had girls coming up to them and blowing them under the table. Mick said he was with his girlfriend at the time and luckily they didn't pull her into that.
Howard asked Mick about his 3 marriages. Mick said that he's actually going on his fourth if he ever gets married again. He said that's only if he's stupid enough to do it again.
Howard asked Mick about his daughter who is a DJ. He said that it's actually an art to be able to keep the music going and keep people moving. Howard said that this girl was dating Lindsay Lohan for a while. Howard asked if he was worried about that. Mick said it was a bit strange.
Howard asked Mick if he's okay with Mariah Carey recording a cover of one of their songs. Mick said he's okay with it. He said that Mariah is a good singer so he's okay with it. He said as long as they respect the song then he's okay with it. He said there is also some money that comes in from that so he's okay with it.
Howard said he likes the way things are going with the guys. He asked them to perform something off their latest album. He gave them a plug for their album and DVD set ''Can't Slow Down'' and then let them perform their new song ''Could've Been You.'' The set is available at Walmart stores.
After the song Howard gave them some more plugs. They have ForeignerOnline.com too.
Howard asked Mick about working with Van Halen on their album 5150. Mick said that they did argue at a level that was a bit different than the level they used to argue at. He said they were working with Sammy Hagar at the time. Howard said it must have been crazy. He asked how he worked with them. Mick said that they had worked with this guy Ted for a long time and Ted kind of sided with David Lee Roth in the whole thing. Howard asked if they were fans of Foreigner. Mick said that he always produced or co-produced the Foreigner albums so they must have known that and appreciated what he did.
Howard asked if the Van Halen boys fought physically. He said that they did and it was usually after their father visited them. He said that the guy may have been a bit abusive with the kids when they were growing up so that might be why that was. Howard said Sammy Hagar must have gotten physical too. Mick said he was pretty intense but he didn't fight. He said that there were some substances going around that kept him mellow.
Howard asked if he was surprised to find out he got rid of Michael Anthony and put his son in the band. Mick said that was kind of odd. He said Michael is one of the nicest guys you'll ever meet.
Howard asked Mick if he was asked to do another album with the band. He said he wasn't. He said he was kind of hurt by that too. Mick said they did very well with the 5150 album and he's still getting money from that.
Mick said he's kind of like a movie director with the way he works on an album. He said he was trying to get the best performances out of the guys that he could. He said Eddie was very competent at the way he wanted things so he worked intensely with Sammy Hagar to get him to go to another level on that stuff. He said he thinks that Sammy did that too.
Howard asked Mick about working with Billy Joel too. He worked on the album ''Storm Front.'' Mick said he remembers Howard asking him a lot of questions about Billy and Christie at the time.
Howard said it was good seeing them and he wants to go out and see them. Howard said he will get out as long as it's not a school night for him. He gave them some plugs and wrapped up a short time later.
Howard came back and said it was good to hear those stories from the guys in Foreigner. Howard said he was talking to Mick about working with Jimi Hendrix during the break. Howard said it was quite a career he had. Artie said he thought Mick Jones was in The Clash. Howard said it was the same name, different guy.
Howard said Ronnie is out of work another day today. He's still out after his mother died. Robin said that Gary, Jon Hein and a bunch of other people went over to sit shiva with Ronnie. Gary said Richard and Sal showed up too. He said there was a ton of food there. He said people were bringing food. Howard said he provided some of that food. Gary said Artie gave nothing. Artie said he actually sent some food over too. He said that he sent some Italian food and figured that would stand out.
Gary said that Tracy, Brian Phelan, Joe the Cop and other guys showed up too. Gary said that there was a circle of co-workers there hanging around with him. He said that Ronnie was subdued. Gary said the thing that was weird for him was to see Grandpa Ronnie. His grand kids were running around and he had his granddaughter on his lap.
Gary said Ronnie and Wayne Siegel were hanging out and they were talking about that car show. Robin asked if JD will relent now. Howard said he heard that JD was upset about what happened. Gary said they gave the card to Ronnie from JD and it was very sweet and Ronnie was touched. He said it was a very sweet moment. Gary said Doug Hurwitt was there too. He said that Sal was torturing him the whole way there.
Howard said that he doesn't want to have the meeting today. He has a bunch of stuff he has to do. Gary said if they take a break he can get to most of what they need to. Howard said he'd appreciate that.
Howard said the Tonight Show has been dragged down too so Leno may back stab Conan and take his show back. He said Conan may be out of a job then. Howard said he still thinks that they're going to shuffle shows around and start the Tonight Show at 11 and have Conan on at 12 and Jimmy on at 1. He said that's just a rumor though. Artie went into his character that laughs at everything again. He was laughing at the Leno show ratings.
Steve said that he also has tape of his interviews with Daniel Carver and he never used the N-word like Carver claimed he did. He said he has the tapes to prove it.
Steve said they have an update on the David Letterman extortion case. He said that Eric the Midget is upset that Artie canceled his show because he won't get to do his stand-up. Eric has been bashing Artie over the whole thing and said that he should toughen up and get his fat ass out there. Artie said he told Eric he can do stand-up with him or with Levy or anyone else. Howard said Eric wants to do it with Artie though.
Steve mentioned that there's a charity auction to sit in the studio that's up to $15,000 already. Howard said he's going to put a moratorium on those charity auctions after that one is done. He said it's getting to be too much.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He ran down a few things that they'd be covering today. They talked about some of that stuff for a couple of minutes before Howard had Robin get to her news.
Robin read a story about some scientists who worked to get a functioning penis working on a rabbit. She said that they grew an artificial and functioning penis on this rabbit. Howard said they're showing that they can regenerate body parts and people will be able to live forever. He said that they should be able to work on the brain eventually too since that gets old.
Robin read about a guy who vanished in 2008 who has been found living out in the woods. Robin said that they found that he had abandoned his wife and two kids and just ran away from home.
Robin read about a YouTube video of some college soccer players fighting. She said the video has become very popular because it's a bunch of girls fighting.
Howard had a clip of a guy who gets tazered. Howard said it lasts about 2 minutes and the cop is yelling at the guy to turn around and the guy just keeps asking what he did wrong. Howard said when you see it you see what a dick head the guy in the car is. Howard said it's like babysitting for the cops. Howard said they put him on trial and found the guy to be innocent. Howard said it's unbelievable. Now the guy is going to file a federal lawsuit over it. Howard played the audio and the cop keeps telling the guy to get back in his car but he doesn't listen and keeps approaching the cop. The cop tells him to turn around about 60 times. They eventually taze the guy. Artie said the guy had his hands in his pocket and the cop didn't know what he was going to do.
Robin read some news about some turtle that has been found that has some markings on it that Hindus think is something special. Robin said that authorities have asked for the little turtle to be returned to a zoo. Howard went into his Indian accent and had some fun with that story.
Robin read a story about a Kennedy so that got Howard into his Kennedy impression. Artie got in on that as well. Robin kept going with the story and tried talking over Howard. He kept going with his impression when Robin would stop talking.
Robin read about the guy who gunned down the guys at Fort Hood last week. They say that he was emailing a web site that may have been linked to terrorism.
Hanzi called in and said that Howard's Indian accent sucks. Howard said he's gotten some email from fans who like that accent. He read some of that and said that he's got some great accents. Hanzi said he wasn't saying that the show would be better without them. He did his accent and showed that he could do it better than Howard. Howard let him go and had Robin get back to her news.
Robin read about President Obama sending more troops to Afghanistan. The generals there have asked for more troops so he's sending them out there.
Howard took a call from Bobo but he wasn't answering them. Howard ended up talking about Bobo's hair and how the kids used to stick mayonnaise packets on the back of his head. Howard said he loves that he gets goofed on by his students.
Bobo said that this Beetlejuice Howard TV special ''This is Beetle'' is great. He said that the second show is great with Beet getting a spray tan. Howard said there are 5 episodes and they're pretty wild. The guys showed the video on the monitors in the studio and they got some laughs out of that.
Bobo said he's been having some problems with his TV and Cablevision and he was looking for some help. Howard hung up on him in the middle of that. Artie laughed and wondered who is going to help him out with that.
Robin read a story about same sex marriage in New York and how they're trying to get it passed through the senate.
Robin read a story about Peter, Paul and Mary which led to them singing ''Puff the Magic Dragon'' together for a minute.
Robin read about the sex tape that Carrie Prejean has admitted to making. It's just her on her own. She said that Carrie is saying that it was a mistake that she didn't know was going to come back to haunt her. She said she sent it to her boyfriend at the time and she didn't know it was going to come back.
Irish John called in and said that the Foreigner interview was great but he wants to know if Howard is envious of Mick getting to hang out with John Lennon. Howard said of course he is. John also asked if he would go easy on John Lennon about Yoko if he could interview him these days. Howard said you have to be careful about that because it was his wife. Howard said he'd have to tip toe around that kind of thing.
Robin read some news about the Jennifer Lopez story she mentioned yesterday. J-Lo has been granted a cease and desist to stop her ex-husband from releasing videos that he had of her from when they were married. Howard said he'd be upset too and he felt kind of bad for her having to put up with that.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she saw Yoko Ono the other night and she was screaming. She said that she didn't hear the show earlier when Howard played the clips of her singing. The woman said Yoko is 76 years old but she's still got a kick ass body. Howard replayed the clip of Yoko singing again. She sounded kind of like she was laughing in the song so Artie did his laughing guy character and Fred threw in some Curly from the Three Stooges clips too.
Robin read about the David Letterman extortion case and how that's going forward. Robin also had some Bernie Madoff news. The government is going to be auctioning off some of his family's stuff to raise money for the families that he's ripped off. Howard said he'd be afraid to wear anything that guy wore. He said that's just creepy.
Robin read about Larry Johnson and how he's been fired from the Kansas City Chiefs. Robin had some audio of the team talking about that in a press conference. He got into trouble after making some remarks on his Twitter account.
Robin read about the DC sniper being put to death today. She said that he's still trying to fight the execution. That's supposed to be happening tonight. Howard said he'd like to be the one to push the button to kill the guy if he was one of the families.
Robin read some news about the movie ''Pirate Radio'' that's coming out. Howard said he saw the trailer for the movie since they sent the trailer to him. Robin had some audio of Phillip Seymour Hoffman talking about the movie. Howard played some of that and said it sounded kind of weird to him that they had to do this pirate stuff when people could have just gone out and bought the albums.
Robin read some news about a movie that's coming out called ''2012'' and had some audio of John Cusack talking about the movie. Howard said it sounded very serious in that clip.
Robin had some other movie news and read about this one that was about a white woman who adopts a big fat black kid and the woman is being portrayed by Sandra Bullock. Gary came in and said the book is really good and told Howard he'd probably like it. Robin asked dif he read it or listened to it. Gary said he actually did listen to it but his son is reading it.
Howard said he likes how Gary thinks listening to an audio book is ''reading.'' He ended up telling Gary to get out of there and said he really doesn't want to meet with him today. Gary said they can do it tomorrow or Thursday. Howard said he's busy tomorrow too.
Robin played some audio of the woman who wrote the book talking about how nice it was to have Sandra in the movie. She ended her news after that and Howard ended the show around 10:30am.
Gary said he's not sure how to bring up that he read a book instead of saying that he just listened to it. Artie said he's fine with him saying he just listened to it. He said he never has a problem with that.
Jason came in and said that he likes Gary a lot but he doesn't sound bright when he says he read something but he actually listened to it. He said when you say you read it it's different than listening to it. Jason said that when he explains that listening to an audio book is the same it's just crazy. He said that Gary claims he gets the same thing out of it when he listens. Jason said reading is a physical act of actually reading. Jason said that no one reads the Howard Stern show in the morning.(Hmmmm...)
Jason said that if you listen to CDs it's not the same thing as reading. Gary said he listens to the audio CD and saying that sounds awkward. Jason said it's not reading though. Jon asked Jason if he's lying when he says he read a book. Gary said he doesn't lie about it, he'll admit to it when he's asked if he listened to it.
Jason said he has this bug up his ass about this stuff and he wants him to be clear on it that he's not reading. Gary said he gets the same thing out of it that he would if he read it. Jason said that's fine but it's still not reading.
Gary wondered if Jason's meds were giving him the balls to speak out like this. Jason said that could be it. Gary said he's very willing to be the trouble maker on this show. Jason said that he does listen and get angry sometimes. He said that he gets tired of people letting Lisa go on and on sometimes so he just speaks out when he gets tired of it.
Artie pointed out that Jason is chastising his boss. Gary said it was the way that Jason told him back in the office that he was wrong about the reading thing. Jason said he almost called Gary stupid but he changed his words. He said he wasn't trying to be condescending. Jason apologized to Gary if he came off the wrong way with that. He said that the bottom line is that he isn't ''reading'' the books.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that 90 percent of deaf people are listening to audio books now and they're not stupid. Jason said he never said that people were stupid for listening to the audio books. He said that you just sound stupid if you say you 'read'' audio books.
Gary and Jason were going back and forth talking about the reading or not reading thing for a few minutes. Gary said he knows he's not actually reading. He said his son Jackson likes to listen to books this way. He said that he's not dumb just because he doesn't read them.
A caller said that he thinks that Jason is completely right about this whole thing. Artie said that when you're a kid you should be reading a book. He said when you get older it's fine that you can listen to a book instead. Jason said it all had to do with the way you explain yourself. He said it has nothing to do with what you get out of it.
A caller said that he was sitting there ''reading the show'' and thinking about this. He said that you can say you're fucking a chick when you fuck her feet, like King of All Blacks, but you didn't really ''fuck'' her. Gary asked if doing a chick in the ass is fucking her. The guy said that's a blurry line. Artie ended up doing his King of All Blacks impression for a minute during that.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Jason about the last time he dialed a phone number. Jason said it was yesterday. The caller said that's not really ''dialing'' and it's pushing buttons. He said it's not actually dialing. The caller said that it's the same thing as the reading and listening thing. Jason said that guy is in the same boat as Gary is then.
Gary said he's never been a big Journey fan but he'd have to put foreigner above them. He said that they're probably about even actually. Jon said he thinks that Journey was a bigger band than Foreigner was. They went back and forth arguing about that a little bit. Artie said that Journey did more stadiums and arenas than Foreigner did. He said that they did a lot of songs that were good though and he remembered having a cassette recorder he got for Christmas one year and he got their first album to listen to. He said that stuff was good when he was in 8th grade.
Gary remembered being in college at the time that the Foreigner stuff was big. He said he'd be in a bar with a bunch of Amstel lights in his hand listening to that stuff cranked up in the bar.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Hall and Oates belong in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame more than Foreigner do. Gary said that they might be too poppy to be considered rock and roll even though Michael Jackson is in the hall of fame.
The caller said that KISS is on the ballot this year. Gary said he bets they get in too. They were talking about that for a couple of minutes. Another caller said that Foreigner and Journey both belong in there and the hall of fame people are snobs and they may never let them in. He said even though he doesn't like KISS, he still thinks they belong in there. He said Bon Jovi does too. Gary said they should be due to get in there and they will probably get in. The caller said Def Leppard should be in there too. Gary said the argument against them might be that they haven't sustained making new music over the years. The guy said they did have a number one album in the 90s though. Gary said he'd have to look into that more. He said they were hot for a while but they haven't sustained it. Jon cut the caller off and said that he was making a good point but they were going to respectfully disagree.
Artie said that he didn't know it but Bruce Springsteen has never had a number one hit. He said he's had some songs that were big but not number 1.
Jon said that rock and roll is relative to the time period too so it's hard to judge all of this stuff. Gary was comparing some of that stuff to baseball so it was another thing Artie could relate to.
Gary said that Bob Seger is in the rock and roll hall of fame and he wondered if he was better than all of these bands. Artie said he loves Bob Seger and he thinks that he's an incredible artist. He said he's a great song writer, a great voice and he's easily above Foreigner and Journey.
Another caller said he can't believe they didn't bring up REO Speedwagon. Artie said he could believe it. The other guys weren't big fans of theirs either. The caller also said that Dave Parker should be in the Baseball hall of fame.
Jon took a call from a guy who talked about Journey and Foreigner and how they bring back memories when you hear their music. He said he remembers listening to Bob Seger too when he was cruising around in his car when he was younger. Artie said that rock and roll has gotten a lot gayer over the years and it's not like it used to be. Artie wondered who is going to go in 20 years from now. Gary said in the beginning it was easy because they were behind in putting people in there. He said that maybe they'll put in Green Day, Pearl Jam and bands like that. Artie asked what it'll be after that.
Gary asked what bands they can think of that have been around for 10 years or less that could get in. Artie said he doesn't know. He said that maybe the Killers or something like that. He said his girlfriend listens to them.
The guys threw out names of bands like Nirvana, The White Stripes, Pearl Jam and bands like that. Artie said after that stage then the pop bands are the ones that were big. He said that they might be inducting rap after that. Artie said that one year it might be Jay-Z and Snoop Dogg. Gary said that Run DMC might have to be in because they do so much rock in their music. Artie said it should be called the ''music hall of fame'' and not the rock and roll hall of fame.
The caller said he saw Artie out in Vegas and that was great. He said he saw him out in Vegas and he met him up in Boston too. Artie didn't remember him.
Artie said you have to act like a real asshole to get people to hate you as much as they hate Eric. He said that it's not about him not wanting to perform with Eric, he's just got some personal stuff going on in his life that led to him canceling the show out there.
Gary said that it's a real low life who is going to complain about Artie not doing the show because now he's not going to have money to pay for Christmas gifts. Artie said he never even told him how much he was going to pay. He said he's helped Eric out before and he's not going to just send him money.
Gary said he has to sit down and write down a list of people he's helped out on the show. He's helps everyone and anyone who asks. They threw out some of the names of people he's helped and it was a long list. That was just the guys they were able to think of. He's helped everyone from Jeff the Drunk to the mole guy. Teddy told Gary to add it up and it might be over $100,000.
Artie told the story about having Jeff the Drunk hand out fliers for his movie and how he's heard that he just put the 300 fliers in a bar and left them there.
Teddy said Artie helps everyone out and he once helped High Pitch Eric out at a gig and he was just touching all of the food in the green room and stuff. Artie said once he had Eric at a show in Vegas and Eric would take a bite of some food and put it back down. He said it makes you want to throw up.
Jon asked Artie if other people give him crap when he cancels a show like Eric does. Artie said everyone else understands why he had to cancel it. He said it's more important for him to get better than it is to do the show.
Artie said he has this DVD and CD out, ''Jack and Coke,'' and his whole act is on there. He said he needs time to write a new act now. He said that he has some new stuff but he needs more time to write more stuff. Artie said he's putting this stuff out for Christmas and that's another deciding factor in all of this.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he's looking forward to ''reading'' Artie's new CD. That led to them talking about Artie's audio book for ''Too Fat to Fish'' and how they're trying to get that nominated for a Grammy. Artie said that they could get it nominated and maybe go to the Grammy awards. He said it would be great to get Jim Florentine to go with Gary and Bob Levy and those guys.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked what happened to the Eric the Midget Real Doll. Gary said they kind of forgot about that but they could easily resurrect it. He said he'd like to get Big Foot to come in and fuck it in the ass if they did get it made.
The caller said that he loves Artie's laughing character and he should work in some other movies like the one that Don Knotts was in playing a fish. Artie said he might be able to work that in eventually.
Another caller said that Bruce Springsteen did have a number 1 hit and it was a remake of a song. Gary had a list of the songs that Bruce had in the top 10 songs. He's had a number 2 song but never a number 1. That got Artie talking about how old he feels now that the young girl in the ''Dancing in the Dark'' video is on a show called ''Cougar Town.''
Jon took a call from a guy who brought up Rush and why they're not in the hall of fame. Jon said that he's a big fan of theirs but Gary isn't. He said they do have the anthem that gets them there with Tom Sawyer and they have influenced other bands too. Jon said he wasn't sure who those bands might be though. Artie said he's a fan too and he thinks that they're a rockin' band and they should be in the hall of fame.
The caller asked Artie if he pulled that guy who laughs at everything out of his ass or what. Artie said it came from JD coming into the studio and laughing at everything. Artie said he incorporated the whole Robert De Niro laughing in Cape Fear into it and that's how it was created.
Another caller said he thinks Metallica should be in the Hall of Fame because he's a big fan of theirs. Gary told the guy they got in last year so he's not that big of a fan. He said that they played the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame concert last week.
Artie said that he thinks that Metallica was influenced by Rush. He said Queensryche was also influenced by them and he found that out by watching Jim Florentine's show ''That Metal Show'' (on VH1). The guys spent a couple more minutes arguing about the hall of fame and how they're eventually going to be bringing in the awful music that they're making today. Steve Brandano said that there is still rock music being made today but no one is hearing it. Artie said that means they'll never get into the hall of fame then. They also talked about Boston and why they're not in the hall of fame. Gary said that they had a great album that was almost like a Greatest Hits album. He said that his son pointed that out to him and maybe they should be in the hall of fame.
Gary said that he and Jon are going to be doing a show on Monday night. They'll be talking sports on that show. They had to go to break after that. Artie had to get going too so he was out of there after getting some plugs for his CD and DVD.
Gary said that Will told Treger not to show up this morning but she did anyway. Jon said that the whole thing ended up being a big fight. He asked if they expected Treger to look as good as she did when she came in. Gary said she was very good looking and she took her pants down within seconds of coming in there.
Gary said that Shannon was very proper when she started in with the call but as soon as Treger called her out she started cursing her out.
Gary said Treger seemed to be going for the jugular with the whole thing. Benjy said he asked if she had submitted the patent for the sewn in thing and she claims she did. He said he'd like to see her original patent though.
Gary said it was kind of funny they were arguing about something that has to do with camel toe. He said they may need to check back with them in 6 months to find out what's going on with them.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked about why they don't do song parodies with bands like Foreigner like they sued to. Gary said that they have such a good set up now that they don't need to do stuff like that and they'd rather just hear a good version of a song. Gary said that Foreigner may have done that in the past but it is kind of awkward to stick a piece of paper in their face and ask them to do a song parody.
Another caller said he likes that Howard brought up how Howard was saying ''The fact of the matter is...'' He said that it can become like dripping water on your head when he repeats stuff like that. Gary said he never even heard that even though his friend had pointed it out to him. Jon said Howard didn't even notice how much he was saying it. Gary said Howard is on the air for 4 or 5 hours a day and you don't listen to other people speaking that long throughout the morning.
The caller also asked what Steve Langford used to do before he got there. Gary said he used to be on Hard Copy and some other shows like that. Benjy said he thought he was a lumberjack up in Canada too. Gary didn't think that was right.
Another caller said he saw Lou Gramm, who used to sing for Foreigner, performing at a hockey game one night. He said that was kind of strange. That led to them getting back into the Hall of Fame stuff again for a couple of minutes as the show was coming to an end. They were throwing around some more names that callers were mentioning. They had to end the show after that.
Howard started the show talking about listening to some Kirk Cameron audio clips. He said he's a religious guy now and he's put out some messages on how we're being brain washed. Howard wondered who he is to be doing that. Howard said the guy was on Growing Pains.
Howard played some of the audio of Kirk talking about how we're being stripped of our god given liberties. He said our kids aren't allowed to pray in public. Howard asked where kids can't pray in public. He must have been talking about in school. Howard said the guy is a douche bag. He said no one is being denied any rights. Howard asked what the fuck that guy is talking about and said he hates him. He said he's a dick.
In another clip Kirk talks about kids not being able to open a bible in school. Howard told him to let the kids open them at home and called him a cunt. Howard said he doesn't get why people like this force you to be exposed to this kind of stuff. He played another clip where Kirk is talking about the Gideons not being able to pass out bibles in school. Howard said they want to keep the schools from being exposed to that bullshit.
Howard said Kirk is so reading in this clip and he's so full of shit. Robin asked if he wanted to learn from a TV actor. Howard said he likes that more people are becoming atheists like Kirk pointed out. Kirk was going on and on about how the culture of the nation was changing and he's trying to change it back with the power of the gospel. Kirk said only God can make someone moral so Howard questioned that too. Robin said it sounds like he needed someone to tell him what was right and wrong. Maybe he was so fucked up he needed that.
At one point Kirk talked about Darwin's book ''Origins of Species'' and how some people were going to be celebrating an anniversary for the book soon. Howard said Kirk is going to be arguing against Darwin now. He played more of it where Kirk talks about the Darwin thing and then asked why Kirk can't just do this stuff on his own and leave everyone else out of it.
Howard played another clip where they had another guy talking about this ''Campus Crusade'' that they're doing where they're going to go out and do something with the Darwin books.
Howard said it's much easier to just say that God came up with everything and pretend that science doesn't exist. Howard goofed on the guy for a short time and joked that this was going to convince him to believe in God.
Howard played more of the audio where Kirk was talking about how they don't want to be censored anymore. Howard said they don't teach about God in school because we don't want to get caught up in this nonsense. Howard said they teach that stuff in religious schools and you have every right to send them to those schools. Howard said Kirk's problem is that he thinks that all of this should be happening in public school. Howard said he'd probably have a problem if they taught Scientology in public schools. He said they could teach about that Ganish and stuff like that in schools too.
Howard said this kid Kirk is an idiot but he must have to do this stuff to make money. Robin said he must have made a lot from that TV show to set him up for life.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he enjoys the show and all but there are times when he has to change the channel like now. He said that when they push the religious and politics stuff he has to turn it off. Howard said he's not pushing religion, he's playing clips of someone who is. The guy said that Howard is giving his beliefs on them too. Howard said he's just saying that this kid sounds like a retard to him. He said maybe the caller thinks it's okay to push religion on people too but he doesn't. The caller said he believes in the stuff that Kirk is talking about so is he retarded too? Howard said it's retarded to force people to learn this stuff in public schools. Howard said you go where you want to go to learn that shit. Howard told the guy to turn off the channel and come back later when he has a girl on the Sybian.
The caller asked Howard about the whole religion thing but Howard told him he's just saying that he doesn't like it being pushed on public schools. Howard said you have every right to learn whatever you want to in any private school. He said you have every right to do that and that's fine. He's not saying that he's against that. Howard said he's not sure why this guy Kirk is yapping about this stuff. The caller said they could teach this stuff in public school too. Howard said you can learn it in private school. He and the caller went back and forth for a couple of minutes about that.
Howard asked the caller if he wants his kids learning about Satanism in school. The guy said he didn't so Howard pointed out that it's the same thing. The caller didn't seem to get it so Howard hung up on the guy.
Howard played more of the Kirk audio where he's arguing to have religion in school. Howard wondered why it's so important to this guy. Howard said he believes that 4+4=7 so maybe they should teach that. Robin said it's like Amway and you get a distributorship when you push for this stuff. Howard said if there is a god he's probably not that worried about you believing in him. Howard said God wouldn't punish him if he didn't believe if he was really there. Howard said when you die maybe they should teach kids that you get 70 virgins when you go to heaven too. Howard said it's just funny.
A caller said that Kirk is so happy because of how hot his wife is. He said she's really good looking still. He said he still googles her to see how she's holding up. Howard said John Travolta's wife Kelly Preston is still good looking too. He said she's been around a long time. Gary said she's in one of Mr. Skin's top 10 topless moments of all time.
Gary said they were talking about Kirk in the back office and they brought up how Kirk had a girl fired from the show for being in Playboy. He also wouldn't do any scenes where he was alone in a room with a girl. He was trying to be a role model. Howard said that must have been great for the producers to hear. He said it would have been nice if they could have changed the actor in that role and just got rid of him. Gary said Leonardo DiCaprio got his start on that show too and Kirk must hate him based on all of the chicks he's getting.
In the clip Jenny was talking about her book with Regis and Kelly. Howard cut it off and said that she used to be so much fun. Howard pointed out that she came on the show and talked about a lot of fun stuff but now she's talking about this book she put out.
Howard talked about how he once beat up a kid with a book. Howard said the kid punched him in the face so he took a book and slammed it into his head so his head hit his desk. Howard said he got beat up after school for doing that. Howard said books were his Ninja stars.
Howard played more of the Jenny clips where she was talking about her son's autism and how she deals with that. Jenny was talking about cartoons and how they don't deal with real life situations today. Artie pointed out that they never have and they used to have a coyote dropping an anvil on a road runner's head. Howard said he'd like to say ''Rest in peace old Jenny...'' He said it was so great when she used to be fun. He said Jim Carrey ruined her.
Howard said Jenny used to fart when you'd pull her finger. He said if Jim dumps her he'll probably give her a ton of money so she'll probably never go back to the old Jenny.
Howard said Jenny peed in her panties when she was in the tickle chair. Howard said that's when she was still fun. He asked where that girl went.
Howard heard a loud hum in the studio and he asked if it was one of the Howard TV cameras. Scott DePace told him that they'd stop using it and they were replacing it this week. He said they ordered it 3 months ago and they're getting it replaced this week. He said it takes a long time to get it and it's a very expensive piece of equipment.
Howard thanked Rick Maynard from KFC for sending his parents some gift certificates for when they go to KFC. Howard said he told his mom about it so she could tell his Dad what he got. Howard said his mom told him that they got these things and his father can barely hear so she tried to explain it to him.
Howard said his parents like this grilled chicken from KFC. He said someone told him that it's actually fried but they ''paint'' it to look like it's grilled. Howard said his father insists that it's actually grilled.
Howard said he was watching Wanda Sykes new show and said that it was kind of cool seeing her doing her monologue. Howard said she was very funny in that. Howard said it's kind of cool to have a black woman doing a show like that and being able to get out her views about Obama and things like that. Howard said she did a really good job but he didn't see how she did the rest of the show.
Howard said he got to watch some of Saturday Night Live this weekend too. He said it was pretty good this week. They started out with a goof of Fox News and it was very good. Howard said the woman doing the Greta Van Susteren was good and the black guy on there is really good too. He said he doesn't know any of their names though.
Howard said the whole cast seems to be really strong this season. Howard said he doesn't see it often but he watched Taylor Swift on the show. He said she'd kind of weak as a comedy performer but she's way cute. Howard said she looks like she's unable to walk in high heels. Howard said it's almost like a fawn learning to walk. He said she's super hot though. Howard said she sang her hit song and he can see why dudes really dig her. Howard said he wasn't able to stop watching her. He got a note saying she turns 20 in December.
Artie said that makes the whole Kanye West thing seem even worse. She was just a kid and he ripped that microphone out of her hand at the MTV awards.
Howard said he might make fun of these Top 40 radio guys but he realized that he could never do that on radio. Howard said one of the listeners forwarded him a tape from 1991 where this guy Kid Kelly was doing Top 40 and it was video of him doing it. Howard said the guy is so talented that it's amazing to watch. Howard said the guy has everything but a broom up his ass. He said he was a nervous wreck when he was doing the DJ thing himself. He said this guy was doing everything himself and it was just amazing to watch.
Howard said he found out that Kid Kelly is the program director for one of the channels there. Howard said you have to see this guy work and he wants to link up the video to his web site.
Artie said he met some guys who used to do stuff like that. He said that they'd work the equipment in a way that was pretty amazing. Howard said that's what this video was like. He was doing all kinds of sound effects and going into songs and stuff like it was no big deal. Howard said he would have a lot of dead air if he had to do that stuff. Howard said he wouldn't have lasted a day doing that. He said he'd be on that stuff Jason is on to keep him happy.
Howard had some email to read. He said that people have been praising them lately. Howard read some of those positive emails about how great the show has been lately. He had some feedback about Foreigner on the show yesterday.
Howard had some feedback about the laughing character that Artie does. Some people hate it, some love it. He read some of both sides of the argument. Artie said that the character is supposed to be annoying. Some of the listeners don't seem to get that. That led to Artie doing the character just for one of the guys who didn't get it.
Howard said that JD inspired that whole character that Artie does. Howard said JD laughs at everything. Howard said JD was in there cracking up as Scott was testing one of the microphones in there. JD came in and said that he was laughing at Scott this morning when he was testing the microphones and Howard was laughing with him. Howard said it was kind of funny the way he was testing the mics for Train. He said that they're coming in so Scott was testing out by saying ''ONE! ONE!''' instead of ''testing one two three.''
Howard wondered if JD and Ronnie have made up since Ronnie's mom passed away. JD said he hasn't talked to Ronnie this morning. Howard wondered if he had made up since he sent him the nice note about his mom passing away.
JD said he doesn't seek anyone out there so he won't be seeking out Ronnie. Howard pretended to be Ronnie and asked JD what he would say to him this morning. JD didn't know what to say. He just mumbled something so that led to Fred doing his impression of him and then Artie did his guy who laughs at everything character. Howard said that character came from JD talking about how he likes the movie ''Look Who's Talking.'' Artie did more of his character talking about how funny that movie was and laughing at his own description.
Ronnie came in so Howard said he was sorry to hear about his mom. Ronnie thanked him for that and said that everyone has been great. Howard asked him if he's a new man now. Ronnie said he got the nice card from JD and he knew he was sick. He said that's why he didn't show up. Robin said that JD is coughing into his elbow now.
JD said he loves Ronnie. Ronnie said he heard him on the Wrap Up Show saying that. Ronnie said Gange called him on the way to the cemetery and he had just come back from the emergency room because he wasn't able to breathe. Ronnie said he had to tell Gange to go see a specialist. He keeps getting sick and he just won't get better.
Howard asked if Gange is still home sick. Ronnie said he came in yesterday. Howard said Gange doesn't eat right and that's what happened to him when he didn't eat right. Howard said Artie is like a bull and he never gets sick, at least physically. He said he might be mental but he never gets sick.
Ronnie said Gange sounded awful and unable to speak because of his illness. He had just come back from the emergency room when he called.
Ronnie said Gange has a hot female doctor that he likes and he refuses to go to anyone else. Ronnie said he tried to convince him to go to someone else who can take care of this problem he has.
Ronnie said the card was very nice he got from JD but his writing is a mess. He said he could barely read it. He said what he could read was very nice though. Howard said JD doesn't seem to be able to communicate in any way.
Ronnie said he appreciates what JD did and how nice he was about the whole thing. He said some other people were sending cards as well. Howard asked JD if he would give Ronnie his radio show back. JD said he would give Ronnie a show but maybe not the full on car show. JD said he's fine with Ronnie talking about other stuff and maybe a little bit about cars.
Howard said JD is keeping Ronnie off the air. JD said he's not keeping him off the air. He said he just doesn't think that the car show should be on the air. Howard asked if he's going to keep that car show off the air. JD said he feels bad about this and he might have to give it back to him to help him get his mind off of what happened.
Howard said JD was throwing his beliefs out the window and he has no backbone now. Howard said it sounds like he's giving him the show back. Ronnie said that he'd make it more exciting for him then. He said they can mix it up and do other stuff too.
Artie told JD he could cheer Ronnie up by giving him a copy of ''Look Who's Talking.'' Then he went into that guy who laughs at everything character for a short time. He was talking about how funny that movie is and laughing at the description.
Howard asked JD what the funniest scene is in that movie. JD said he never said it was the funniest movie. He said he didn't know a scene that he found that funny. Ronnie said everyone loves that character that Artie does. JD said he hasn't seen the movie in a really long time so he didn't know which scene he wanted to say. He said he never said it was his favorite movie either. Artie was doing his laughing guy and cracking up talking about how funny that movie was.
Howard said JD must know a moment from that movie. JD said that he wasn't able to think of anything that funny. He said he was going to leave and said goodbye but Howard kept him in there. Howard said he has to give him a moment or an idea from the movie. JD said there was a scene where the baby was freaked out by Abe Vigoda. That led to Artie doing the laughing guy laughing at that scene. JD told Artie he's such an asshole.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he felt bad for Ronnie for his two losses lately. His mother and the Car Show. The guy said his car show sucked though. Howard said that JD was backing off on the whole thing and giving the show back to Ronnie. The caller asked JD what's wrong with him for giving it back. JD said he'll give him the one show at least and then decide if he should have it back. This was going to be a probationary thing.
Howard said it's the worst losing your mother. Ronnie said that the worst is that she was fine one day and then she was sick. He said that he went over and found her unconscious at her house. He said she was 82 years old.
Ronnie said he had to get out of the house and had to come back to work this morning. He said he took it really hard and he couldn't stay home thinking about it anymore. Howard said he worries about that too. Ronnie said it was really horrible watching her laying there helpless. He said he wouldn't wish that on anyone.
Howard asked JD where his mother is. JD said she doesn't like to be talked about so he's not going to mention what state she's living in. He said he doesn't know who she talks to and tells where she's living so he was going to keep his mouth shut. Artie's character was laughing at that and interrupted JD so Howard talked to him about ''Look Who's Talking'' again. They had some more fun with that for a couple of minutes.
Howard talked to Artie's character for a few minutes asking him about lame movies that he might find funny. Howard brought up the Herbie the Love Bug movies and Artie said he only likes the Lindsay Lohan one because she's so funny in that one. He said that one was called ''Fully Loaded'' and that's what Lindsay is too.
Artie's character said he loves that he found someone who loves the same kind of great comedy he does. He said he loved Ronnie's car show too. Ronnie said he's going to have that character on the show. JD said that the show isn't coming back then.
Howard said Ronnie wasn't able to have anyone at his house for the Shiva because he doesn't have any furniture in it. Ronnie said he was going to sell the house so he figured he didn't want to have any there. Now that's not happening so he's not sure what he's going to do.
Howard sent some food to Ronnie's shiva so they talked about that. Ronnie said that Benjy seemed to enjoy the food. He said Artie sent this great Antipasto tray that everyone loved. He said it was really good and he appreciated that. Howard said it was good to have Ronnie back. He also thanked JD for giving him his car show back. Howard asked what he can do to make it less boring. JD said he didn't know. Artie said he could play clips of Look Who's Talking. They had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and had Lisa G come in with her news preview. Lisa came in said they spoke to the creator of the Fresh Balls deodorizer. She said she spoke to him about how he came up with the idea for the product. She said that they have a lot of people who don't take the product seriously but it is a real thing.
Lisa said they have some news about the owl that Beth found and released over the weekend. She said they spoke to the man who helped rehab the owl.
Lisa said they also have a story about AJ Benza revealing some disturbing behavior on the Miserable Men Show over the weekend. She said that AJ admitted that he used to shoot his load on the women he was with and then he'd eat it. Howard said that's just insane. Howard said that's gay. Artie said he was throwing out his cupcake. He couldn't eat after hearing that. Howard let Lisa go after that.
Howard said they also say that David Letterman moved out of his house and into his New York City apartment. He read into that story a little more. Howard said he's living in the apartment while his wife and son stay in his Westchester mansion. Howard said he was reading about the guy who blackmailed Dave and how he's sticking to the story about just trying to sell the movie script to Dave. He said it was that innocent. Howard said he's not sure that's going to fly with the jury.
Howard read more about Dave being kicked out of the house by his wife. He said he's just going by what they wrote in the Enquirer. Howard said they claim his wife was asking for details about what he did with the women he was screwing around with and Dave refused to tell her so she kicked him out.
Dave is thinking about going to marriage counseling from what Howard read. Howard said he used to go to marriage counseling and it was right across from a modeling agency. That didn't help. He said they shouldn't have marriage counseling near strip clubs or modeling agencies.
Howard said Dave is doing really well in the ratings now that Jay Leno is doing so poorly and dragging down NBC. Howard said that Jay is now changing things around on the show to try and get the ratings back up. Howard said that they think people will sit through anything to see his ''headlines'' bit on the show. Howard said they've now moved stuff to the first half hour of the show trying to get the ratings back. Howard said his show is dying on the vine and NBC is being sold so it's not clear what might happen to that show.
Howard asked the Howard TV guys to shut down the camera that was making noise. Scott said they were moving it into place for the next guest. Howard said he thought they were done with that for the day. Scott shut it down.
Howard asked Sara about this martial arts stuff and if she's really into it. She said that she thinks they wanted her because she's hot but she is into that kind of stuff. Howard asked about what she does on this channel. She said she does a bunch of stuff like introducing the movies and stuff.
Howard asked Sara why she got implants. She had A-cups before and she went out and did this Playboy thing on a whim. She said she was really small chested and thought that they wouldn't want her but they didn't care. She said she tried out for it and they picked her to be in the magazine. Sara said she went to the audition at a Best Western hotel room and that was kind of odd. Sara said she thought she didn't have to do nudity. She said that they told her she had to get naked when she went in there though. Sara said she got permission from her parents to do that before she did.
Howard asked Sara if she was self conscious of her breasts. She said she had dated a guy for 5 years and he never saw her boobs. She said she kept her bra on all the time when they had sex. She said she would wear padded bras and cutlets in them to make them seem bigger. She said she was embarrassed for her boyfriend to find out they weren't big. Howard said he must have felt let down by that but she was really just ashamed of her body.
Sara said she was from a small town and she did have the hottest guy in high school. She said she dated him until she got the Playmate of the Year title. Sara said she kind of grew out of him and he was more of a best friend to her.
Sara said that she stays in touch with the boyfriend but she has a new boyfriend now. Howard said he must miss her now. She said that he might want to be back together but she's moved on. Sara said that she dated him for like 7 years. Sara said she's only been with 3 guys in her life.
Howard said that Sara must get hit on a lot at the Playboy mansion and stuff. She said that she doesn't really get hit on much there. She said that Hef has been great to her though.
Howard said that Playboy has been very good for her. She got a TV show out of that. Sara said that's been very good for her. Artie was doing an impression of the boyfriend asking her to come back to him.
Sara said she went to college for a few years but she still doesn't know what she wants to do for a living. Howard asked her what she did when she got to L.A. He read that she dated Ryan Seacrest. She said that she was dating that guy at the time. She said she's really not into the Hollywood scene. She said it's all about going to fancy dinners and stuff and that's just not her. She said that it was always a big to do when they'd plan to go out so she wasn't into that. Howard said he would take her out one on one and not with a group of people. Sara said she just wasn't feeling that whole thing.
Howard said Ryan must get so much pussy that he can't concentrate on just one person. Howard said Sara deserves to have all of the attention when you go out to dinner. Howard said maybe the guy is so full of himself that she's just a piece of meat to him. She said she didn't feel that way. She said Ryan likes to have a group of people to entertain.
Howard read that they would go to dinner and he'd tell her that he had to sit in a certain seat because it was his good side. She said that it was kind of a joke and he would do that joking around. Howard asked if she ever made love to him. She said no. Sara said they were dating on and off for like 2 years. Howard said there's something wrong with him if they didn't do it.
Sara said that Ryan would invite her over to hang out at his house and his whole family would be there. She said she'd just go home after. Howard asked if she made out with him. She said she kissed him but that was about it. She didn't do anything else. Howard said that's abnormal. He said he's a man and he's famous and he dated in between wives and he knows that he'd bang her if he was dating her. Howard said he'd be alone with her. Sara said that Ryan did try but she wasn't feeling it. She said that he did try with her but she wasn't feeling it so she would just give it a try a few months later and it never worked out.
Sara said that she told Ryan that she had only been with two guys so it was kind of her fault that he didn't get her. Howard said he thinks that Ryan has sexual issues. He said that he guarantees that he would make it work with her. He said that if she was offended by the way he looks he'd put on the astronaut helmet.
Howard asked what kind of bathing suit Ryan wears. She said he wears board shorts. Howard said any guy who isn't in board shorts has something wrong. Sara said he was fine that way. Sara said that she's very flaky so that might have been her fault.
Howard said he read that she met Hayden Christianson too. He asked what happened there. She said she froze up when she met him. She said she laughed and walked away when he asked her where she was from. She said she was just so nervous she walked away. She also met Jake Gyllenhaal too and did the same thing.
Sara said that she has met a lot of people at the Playboy mansion and she found that a lot of them are messed up with weird personalities.
Howard asked her how she got this Blackbelt TV gig. She said she went out to audition for it. She said you can find out more at Blackbelt.com if you don't have it on your cable service.
Howard asked Sara if she touches herself a lot. She said she never masturbated before but she just recently started. She said that she never did it when she was younger. Sara said she went to Cabo with one of the girls from The Girls Next Door and she started doing it then. She said that was about 2 years ago and she loves it. She didn't think it would work but it did for her. She said she's very sexual when she's in a relationship and she is able to orgasm more now that she's started masturbating. She said she had thought about it in the past but she lived a sheltered life and she never really spoke about it. She didn't know it was normal to do that stuff.
Sara said she had her first orgasm at 11 or 12 while doing one of those Ab Roller things. She said she was in the living room doing it and she got shivery from tightening her stomach muscles. She said she looks back on it now and realized what it was.
Howard gave Sara some plugs for this Blackbelt TV and said that we get to look at her and then get to see people kicking the shit out of each other. He said that she got her implants after her playboy shoot. She said she just got them 6 months ago. She said that she'd like to do another shoot for Playboy. Howard said her boobs were really nice too. He felt bad that she got implants. She didn't like the way they were before. She said they're great now. She said she's a C-cup now. She asked for a B but they gave her a C. Howard said guys don't even care that much about big boobs. He said that it's the women who care.
Howard said he's a vagina man. Sara said that she gets more attention now that she got the implants. He asked if she still has sensation in her nips. She said she does and they still feel great. She was worried about that though. She said she went to the guy that the girls at Playboy suggested and he does great work.
A caller asked Sara what she did with Ryan in those two years she was with him. He wondered if she ever felt a boner with him or anything. She said she didn't. She said that they were always standing up and never laying down so she never felt anything.
Howard asked Sarah to stand up and model for them. She wasn't showing any camel toe so Howard asked how she avoid that. She wasn't doing anything special. She said she just doesn't have that. He got her to show some of her panties when he said there was no way she could have panties on under her jeans. Artie said he didn't believe it was a thong as he was trying to get her to show that.
Howard said he just doesn't get the whole Ryan Seacrest thing. She didn't seem to think it was that big of a deal.
A caller asked her what happened on Deal or No Deal. She said that she was never on there but there is someone who looks like her on the show. Howard wrapped up with her after that. Howard said it was fun seeing her panties and all of that. Howard asked if she's uptight about showing her breasts to anyone. She said she has only shown them to her boyfriend so far. Howard asked if she wanted to show them to them. She said she didn't. She said maybe next time. She said that her boyfriend, Jeff Die, is the only one who has seen them so far. Howard said that's hard to believe.
Artie said that he might be able to help Jeff's career if she shows her breasts. Howard said he would let Jeff come on the show if she did that. Sara said that she thinks that he'd prefer that she not do it. Howard said he wouldn't care. Howard told her to come back tomorrow after thinking about it. They had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and said that people who are blind can get porn and have people describe it to them. He said he thinks that this is a comedy bit but he was going to play something from a web site where they describe porn for the blind. In the clip they describe where the porn comes from and describe what it looks like for the blind people visiting their site. The guy in the clip was describing what was on the page of one site and reading the descriptions and then playing a clip and describing what was going on in one of the porn clips.
Howard said he was listening to the Wrap Up Show and Jason has become a star on that show. He said Jason was going off on Gary for saying that he ''read'' a book when he just listened to the audio book. Howard said Jason went berserk on Gary over that.
Howard said even Gary said it wasn't that big of a deal. He said Jason was on fire over that. Jason said he doesn't just do it on the air though. He said he'll come in after the weekend and say that he read the greatest book and he didn't read it at all, he listened to it. He said that the audio books are abridged so you're missing huge parts of them. Gary said that about half of the audio books are abridged. Jason said he thinks it's more than that.
Jason said he was talking to Gary about a book that they had both ''read'' and Gary missed out on some of the stuff that he had read because it was an abridged book.
Gary told Jason to stop calling him stupid. He said it wasn't very nice. Jason said that he can listen to whatever he wants and he can call it whatever he wants. Gary said it's funny how Jason gets so passionate about this stuff. He said that he doesn't appreciate him telling everyone in the office he thinks he's stupid. He said he can do that in private if he wants to.
Gary said this is a stupid argument and it offends no one but Jason. Jason said there are other people too, they're just not talking about it. Jason said he doesn't think that Gary is really stupid and he apologized to him for his poor choice of words.
Gary said that the people in the office aren't talking about him behind his back like Jason says they are. Jason said they are though. He said he should ask them.
Howard asked Gary if he will stop saying it now. Gary said for the sake of Jason he might. Howard said he thinks he's considering it.
Howard said he thinks that reading or listening is the same thing. Gary said that his kids are still learning so he'd prefer that they read a book and not listen to it. Jason said Gary said it's the same thing though so he should let them listen.
Gary said he gets bored in his car and that's why he listens to the books. Gary said he reads a book every night in bed. He said that it's not just listening to all of the books. Howard said he would love to see Gary reading in bed like that. Gary said he has to wear bifocals to read in bed too so it's not very cool.
Howard asked if Gary has one of those lights that he puts in the book. Gary said he doesn't have a special light or one of those Snuggies like they were talking about. Howard asked if he has a wedge to sit on. Gary said he just sits in bed and reads the book without a light or a Snuggie. Artie said if he gets Gary in the Secret Santa thing this year he's going to get him a Mets Snuggie.
Howard said last time he gave them a present it was the gift of not having to buy anyone gifts. Howard said anyone can do what they want but he's thinking about doing something special. Gary said that Will just told him he wants a job for Christmas. Howard said Will would be in a worse predicament if he stuck around for another 5 years. Howard said he'll end up with kids and he'll be screwed when he retires in 5 years. Gary said Will will only be 36 in 5 years so he'd be employable. Howard said he'd be stuck with the whole Will's family thing if he sticks around for 5 more years.
Howard said he's going to hold off on announcing his gift idea. He said it may offend some people. He said he likes the secret Santa thing much better. Fred said there will be people screaming about it in the back no matter what he does. He said he should stick to the secret Santa thing.
Howard said he got lucky the first year they did the Secret Santa thing. He said Robin gave him something really nice. Last year Howard got a gravestone from one of the guys there. Howard said that was like a gag gift to him. Howard said it just bummed him out. Howard said he didn't throw it out but that's where it belongs. Howard said they should put that in the Howard Stern museum if they ever get that going.
Artie said the first year they did the secret Santa thing Robin got Howard and Howard got an intern who was there for a week. Robin said she got wind chimes for her gift. Howard said he can't imagine who would want wind chimes like that. Fred said they were clacking wood too and not even the metal ones.
Howard said this George Bush started a war that shouldn't have been started. Howard said that it's hard to clean up the mess now that they've been there so long. The caller said it's impossible to win that war.
Howard said he wanted to give the guy a gift on behalf of 7-Eleven. Howard said he had $711 in cash for him. The caller said he didn't have to do that but he appreciated it. The guy said that they've been nothing but classy and he really appreciates that.
Eric the Midget called in and said that they talked about him on the show and the Wrap Up Show yesterday. Howard said he had to keep this short. Eric said that he's not thinking of himself when he's pissed off at Artie. He said he's pissed off at Sequoia who offered him the chance to do the comedy show with Artie. Howard cut him off and said that he'd explain it to him. Howard said Artie had a nervous breakdown and wasn't able to get out of bed. He said that he had to miss a week of work because of that.
Eric said that Sequoia is having troubles too and this isn't fair to him. Howard said sometimes people get sick and they have to do things like cancel shows. Howard said Artie will do a show if he's healthier in the future. Howard said he's glad he's taking time off and going to therapy. Howard said he thinks that most of the audience would agree.
Howard told Eric that there's nothing stoping him from going out and doing comedy on his own. Eric said it was just going to be 5 minutes too, not the 30 that Artie said. Howard said Artie was sick and he had to cancel the show. Eric said he's a drug addict and a pig. Howard said Eric's lack of understanding is mind blowing. He can't understand how he doesn't see this. Howard said he looks bad talking about the guy like this.
Eric said there are people who are out of money because of the show being canceled. Gary told Eric he should mind his own business. Howard said that they're just not going to make money and they're not out of any money. Artie said that Sequoia is very understanding about the whole thing and they've been cool with him.
Eric said he was having to calm the guy down the day that he called into the show. Gary asked why he would call Eric to look for solace. Eric said he got him involved in the show in the first place. Gary said Eric has no control or power though so he's not sure why he'd contact him. Eric said Sequoia was upset about Artie not showing up for the gig. Howard said it has nothing to do with Eric though.
Howard said Eric is sticking his nose where it doesn't belong and he's in the wrong. Gary said he's disgusted by Eric. He said he can take his attitude and turn it back on him. He said that he can say that he has public assistance and he could turn it around on him and say that there are other people out there who are disabled and can work. He said he could tell Eric he should go out and get a job.
They also talked about Eric making money off of pictures of Artie that he was autographing. Eric said that the guy who is running the site now is making the money and he's going to be taking that picture down. Gary asked him if he's really that stupid. Gary said that Eric somehow figured out how not to own something that he owned before. Eric said he's not allowed to make money off of that site because he gets money from the state. Gary said maybe he could get a job and make money that doesn't come from the state. Eric said he doesn't want to sit on his ass 24/7 but he has no choice.
Howard told Eric Artie has a handicap too and he doesn't understand why he has no compassion. Artie said he feels horrible about Eric's condition and he'd welcome him to any show he does but he had to cancel this gig out in California. Howard and Robin told him he doesn't have to explain himself. They said that Eric hasn't done anything for Artie. They said he calls him names and sells pictures of him without permission. Eric said he did ask for permission to do that the weekend after the picture was taken.
Howard said Steven Hawking works and he's in worse condition than Eric is. Gary said they had a guy in there with no arms or legs and even he works. Gary said he gets that Eric's life is hard but this is ridiculous.
Howard told Eric he had to get going but he could call back tomorrow to apologize to Artie. Howard said there are people who are healthier than Eric that commit suicide. He said that people need help sometimes and Artie is trying to get himself better now.
Gary said that Artie is in a bad place right now and Eric doesn't seem to care. Eric said he has no control over his condition but Artie does. Eric said he has no control over his fingers going arthritic.
Gary said that Eric comes off as a real douche on the show but Eric claimed that it's all an act. He ended up hanging up on them. Howard said they were going to get to Train after taking a break.
Howard asked where Amber was. Pat said she's at home and she's going to meet him out in L.A. on Sunday. Howard asked if the kid is causing any issues in the love life. Pat said that the baby hasn't been causing any issues with them at all so far. He said that's never a stress with him. He said business is the stress for him.
Howard asked if the women are still throwing themselves at him. Pat said that they might be but that might be for the rest of the guys in the band. Pat asked Robin if she's still into him. Robin said she was checking out his ass as he walked in today.
Howard asked Robin what's so nice about his ass. Robin said that he was wearing jeans and it looked good in those jeans. Pat said his ass really doesn't look very good when it's not in jeans. Artie said he was into their earlier guest's ass.
Howard said it was strange to see the band back together after Pat went out and did a solo album. Howard said he thinks they found two of them at a homeless shelter. Howard said Pat, Jimmy and Scott are the original Train and he asked what they thought when Pat gave them the heave hoe. The guys said that it was really just a pause. They said that it was a much needed break for them and after a year they got back. Howard said it sounds like they weren't getting along. They said that years and years on a bus made things pretty tense.
Howard asked if Pat is a pain in the ass. The guys said he's an enormous pain in the ass. Howard asked why he was a pain in the ass. One of the guys said that Pat is very hard working and almost to a fault. He said that Pat has a hard time enjoying the success. He said it never seems good enough for him. Howard asked what it is that makes Pat like that. Pat said it's really hard for him to enjoy it. He's not sure why.
Howard tried to find out why Pat can't enjoy success but Pat didn't know what to tell him. Howard was asking about the band taking a break too and the guys asked him to take it easy on that because he might break them up again. The guys said that they've worked out their problems and they do appreciate each other much more now that they've taken that break. They learned that they were very fortunate.
Howard asked if they ever thought about replacing Pat with a Filipino guy. The guys just laughed. Howard asked who owns the name ''Train.'' The guys said they all do. Howard said he likes hearing that. He said that means they can't just run off and take the name with a different singer. Robin said Howard is the same as Pat not being able to enjoy his success. Howard didn't think that was the case.
A caller said that he saw Pat perform the National Anthem at a stadium one time and it was the best performance he had seen. Pat said he gave up on that because they weren't calling him to come and do the big games like the Super Bowl or the World Series.
Robin asked if Pat would do good on American Idol. Howard said he would win. Pat said he wouldn't win because he'd pick Zeppelin songs and they'd tell him that was a bad choice.
Howard asked Pat to do the Zeppelin song that they were going to perform. Pat said he'd do whatever he wanted. The guys had to retune their guitars though. They told Howard that if he was in the band then he would have been fired for not sticking to the plan.
The guys went into their cover of Led Zeppelin's ''Going to California'' when Howard asked them to. After the song Howard said that it was a great rendition of the song. Howard said it's hard to play on guitar.
Howard said that Jerry Becker was playing mandolin on that song. Howard said that instrument is not easy to look cool with. Howard said they also have Hector Maldanado in the band too. Howard gave them a plug for their new album ''Save Me, San Francisco'' which just came out recently.
The guys said they have a hit song out now and it's weird that they were able to come out with a song like that after taking a break.
Richard Christy came in and said that Scott the Engineer cornered Pat at Howard's wedding and he was wondering what he was talking about. Pat said he was happy to talk to anyone since he didn't know a lot of people there. Howard asked if he talked about his son's band. Scott said he thinks that he did mention it.
Howard said the guys were going to perform ''Hey Soul Sister'' from their new album. Howard said they have a lot of big dates coming up. They're doing shows in Albany tonight and then going to do the Today Show on Friday. Pat said he's also acting in an episode of CSI: NY soon too.
Pat and the guys performed their song ''Hey Soul Sister'' after tuning up their instruments again. After that song Howard asked if the band is doing okay because one of the guys was playing a coffee cup. Pat said they had to improvise with that. They had some Special K in the cup to give it the sound they were looking for. Howard thanked the guys for coming in and gave them some plugs for their new album. you can also find tour dates at TrainLine.com.
Howard asked Pat about writing a song with someone who was on American Idol. Pat said it can be weird writing songs with other people but it's made him a better song writer because of it. They had to wrap up and go to break after that.
Howard came back and took a call from a guy who said he wanted to tell everyone he loves them but he loves Robin even more for getting Eric banned from the bunny Ranch. Howard said Eric is mad at everyone on the show all the time. The guy said that Eric cares about no one but himself. Howard said he gets a kick out of him and he loves hearing his daily saga.
The caller said he was on YouTube over the weekend and he found out why Harpo Marx never spoke. He said he was doing some stage play and someone wrote that when he spoke he was horrible so he stopped talking. He never talked again on film after that.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that he wanted to know what was up with the conversation he had on Monday about two people he had in mind who didn't know about radio. Artie said he knew what he was talking about. Howard said he knew executives that knew what was going on and went along with him.
Howard said that most guys don't know what's good on radio and don't have the ability to manage talent. He said it becomes difficult to work for those people. Howard said they get a job in management and they think they have to tell you how to do your job. Howard said they can do sales and stuff and sell you a full schedule for a year and have a great time. Then they insert themselves into every aspect of the radio station and they don't know what they're doing. Howard said one guy who did that was Gof Labar. He said he was a great salesman but he had asinine comments about what he should do on his show.
Howard said he would sit in those meetings and they would go on and on about nothing. He said they thought they knew how to make his show better but they had no clue. Howard said Gof wondered why he wasn't included in the articles about his ratings going up and up. Howard said the guy would tell him how to make his show better and what they had to do to make it happen. Howard said Gof had a 5 point plan for making the show work. Robin said he had a very dry mouth too and he would have that white thing jumping from the top lip to the bottom too.
Howard said there were plenty of dopey guys he worked with over the years. He mentioned Bob Mounty who is dead now. Howard said that guy used to suck his teeth all the time. He said that would drive him nuts. He did an impression of the guy sucking his teeth and said the guy just sat in a big office doing that. He said it was great when he had the first naked girl ever on his show. He said that guy demanded they have a lawyer come in to see if the girl was actually naked. Howard said it was the funniest thing. Howard said Bob would lecture him in his office while his ratings were going up and up and up. Howard said he couldn't stand it.
The caller asked if Howard had dreams of what he was going to become back then. Howard said he didn't. He said he never thought he was going to become successful the way they treated him back then.
Steve said that Dan the Song Parody Man has been paying Artie back more money. Artie said he was on the Wrap Up Show yesterday and Dan came in and gave him some money. He said he's trying to pay him back but he doesn't think he wanted anyone to see it. Artie said he's been paid back $1,500 so far. He got $250 yesterday. Howard said he likes to see that. Dan said he wasn't grand standing paying him back like that. Artie said he thinks he knows who saw it. He said it's funny and it was Jared who probably saw it happen. He said he didn't do anything wrong there.
Steve said Mariann from Brooklyn is upset with High Pitch Eric for blowing off his job training to go down to the Yankee Parade last week. She's tired of helping him out just to have him pull something like that.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview next. He ran down the list of things they were going to try to get to today. While he was doing that Howard said he got the coffee cup instrument that they used in the Train song. Howard said people might laugh at that but it was hard to play. He shook it for a short time and said he was getting tired. Artie tried to shake it the way Howard was and he wasn't able to do it. Artie said he could never get it even if he tried to do it for 6 months.
Howard went off on Kirk Cameron again when Jon brought that up. Howard said he hates that guy more than he hates Amanda Peet. Howard said the fuckin guy doesn't get what the Constitution is about. He said that's the reason we don't have religion in school. Howard said Kirk is actually hotter than Amanda Peet though so he'd probably do him over her. Howard went off on Kirk for a few minutes. He said he's such a dummy. He said that our country was based on not being forced into one religion and this guy is trying to force it on people. Howard said he should have that fuck on the show. He ended up playing some more of the audio that he was playing first thing this morning. Howard got all angry at the guy again while listening to that. Howard said he likes that Kirk's whole mission in life is to get people to believe what he believes.
Howard said he's sorry that he mentioned the Christmas thing earlier because now Scott DePace thinks that he's taking them all to Jamaica. Howard said that was a big mistake. Howard said that he just got a note saying that Kirk Cameron never went to school because he had tutors on the set of ''Growing Pains.'' Howard said all of those tutors should be fired based on the intellect of that guy.
Howard told Robin she should do that. Robin said she wouldn't want to look like that because it's ugly. Howard said he knows she doesn't want to do it but it would be funny if she did.
Robin read that Clear Channel is restructuring again and some companies are trying to seize some of their assets. Howard said he hopes they go bankrupt. He said he'd love that. Howard said the guy who finds that funny is the guy who finds everything funny. That got Artie into his character and he was laughing at the whole situation. Artie kept that up for a few minutes. Howard egged him on with some other unfunny stuff that he would find funny. He said he was going to get that guy the poster of dogs playing poker at a table. Artie's character found that very funny.
Robin had a story about some child pornography arrests that were made this week. She said had some audio of the cops reporting on the arrests that were made. Robin read that the wife had sex with their pet chihuahua. That kept Artie's character laughing through the story.
Robin read about former NBA star Kareem Abdul Jabar having leukemia. She read about that and said that he's had it about a year and he's still fighting it. She had some audio of Jabar talking about the fight.
Robin read some news about the David Letterman extortion case that has started. Robin had some audio from the attorneys in that case. The guy on Halderman's side was saying he had every right to sell his story to Letterman. Howard said he loves lawyers and the way they can flip things like that.
Robin read some news about a 12 year old girl who can't stop sneezing. She can sneeze up to 12,000 times a day. Fred played some Jackie sneezing sounds and Howard played his coffee cup instrument to that. He had Artie cracking up at that. Fred played some more sneezing clips to go along with the story. Robin had some audio of the 12 year old sneezing while she was talking about her problem. She just keeps talking and sneezing at the same time. She's managed to work it into the conversation. Robin said they've had her to different doctors and they can't stop it. The only time she stops is when she's deeply asleep. Howard said he feels bad for the kid. He said it's almost like Tourettes.
Robin said Oprah has gotten the chimp attack woman and she's going to be interviewing her on her show. The woman who was attacked will be on today talking to Oprah. Howard said he can't watch that, it would be too painful. Robin said the woman has no memory of the attack. She lost her nose, eyes and eyelids and both of her hands in the attack. They talked about that story for a few minutes. They were talking about how the woman who owned the chimp is being sued by this woman who was attacked.
Robin said the Vatican has joined the search for life on other planets. They're saying that they will consider them part of creation if they are found.
Robin read a story about a pilot who was suspended when he was going to fly a 757 drunk. He has been removed from service while they investigate. Robin said the crew members turned him in and he was arrested while sitting in the pilots seat.
Robin told Howard that today is Veteran's day and he wondered why they weren't off. Robin said they never take this day off. Howard said it must be insulting to vets that they're working today. Robin read a story about the co-talkers that helped us out during World War II. She had some audio of one of the guys talking about that.
Robin had some news about the Fort Hood memorial service that was held yesterday. She had some audio clips from that as well.
Robin had a story about a guy who had escaped death in Iraq but was beaten to death while installing cable at a house. Robin said it was like a Twilight Zone episode.
Howard said Robin is a veteran and she's working today. Robin said she did serve the nation and someone mentioned that in an article. Howard said Ronnie was also in the air force.
Robin said the DC Sniper was put to death yesterday by lethal injection. Robin had some audio of one of the people who witnessed the execution. That led to Artie's laughing character laughing some more. Robin said the guy had nothing to say before he was put to death. Robin wondered if that guy is in hell. Howard and Artie were saying he could have said something like ''Go Mets!'' before he died. Or maybe ''Baba Booey to y'all.''
Robin read about Janet Jackson being the one fronting the bills for the cemetery lot where her brother was buried. They say she paid $103,000 for that. They say she won't have to pay for the funeral though. Robin said the total cost of the funeral was $855,730.31. Howard wondered how they came up with that. Robin read through the details of all of the charges.
Robin said that Rihanna has been voted ''Woman of the Year'' by some magazine. She read some details of that. Then she had a story about Green Day writing a play that's going to be on Broadway. They're creating the American Idiot play.
Robin read about the Twilight movie ''New Moon'' that's coming out soon. She had some audio of one of the stars of the movie talking about how he never said he wouldn't take his shirt off for another film again. He also talked about gaining 30 pounds for the film. Howard accidentally erased the clip while he was playing it.
Robin read about the final four in the Dancing With the Stars show. Robin read through who they were and said they had a performance by Susan Boyle on the show last night. She had some audio of that for Howard to play. Howard played that and said that they usually dance while they have things like that going on. Artie said some people dance and some throw up. They ended the show a short time later, right around 10:40am.
Jon moved on to talk about JD and Ronnie. JD wanted to get home so they only had him for a limited time. Jon said JD asked if he needed him today and he said he would like to talk to him so he stopped by. JD is looking to go home to sleep though. Gary said that Sara Jean girl didn't seem like JD's type. JD said he thought she was hot.
Jon asked JD why he gave Ronnie his show back. JD said he was trying to help him feel better and he felt bad enough about what happened so he couldn't keep it from him anymore. He said Ronnie was so angry at him about it and he didn't expect that. JD said he wants to give him one show and go from there. He's trying to be a friend and a nice guy.
Jon asked JD if he would have changed his mind if Ronnie's mother hadn't died. JD said he's not sure. He said it doesn't really matter though. He talked about the card he sent to Ronnie and he was hoping that things would go better for him. He said that's one of the reasons he gave the show back to him.
JD said he would like to have Ronnie do his show as the host and maybe have a co-host and talk about a bunch of things instead of just cars. He said whatever Ronnie wants to talk about. Gary said maybe he should produce the show. JD said he's not a producer and he doesn't want to be that involved in it. He said he wants Ronnie to do whatever he wants.
Jon asked what he wants Ronnie to do to change the show. JD said he could stay away from boring the audience. He said that he needs to do what he needs to do and they'll take it from there. JD said he's not sure and he's really tired of talking about his car show. JD said he doesn't want Tim coming to him again asking him if he really wanted to cancel the show. JD said he just wants to do his own regular job and that's it.
A caller asked JD what he thinks about Jared coming forward about the whole Ronnie rat thing. JD said everyone has their gossiping and stuff and he said Jared is just becoming more a part of the show. JD said he doesn't know. Jon asked if he feels vindicated. JD said he doesn't like to gloat. He said shit happens and if he does gloat then things will happen to him.
JD said the thought he had decent speculations on who the rat was when he blamed Jared as the rat. He said he never said he had evidence. He said he just thought he was the one. JD said he was very tired and didn't know. He sounded like he just wanted to leave. JD said he's glad he was proven right but he's not going to make a big deal out of it. Jon said it sounds like he feels he was vindicated. JD said that's fine, whatever.
Jon said that Ronnie is going to gear his show toward JD liking it. He asked JD if he's okay with that. JD said he's fine.
Gary asked JD what the worst thing is that he has to listen to for pulling clips. He said that Eric the Midgets's show was very hard to listen to. JD said he's not bashing any other shows there on Howard's channels. He said he's done going down that road. He has to work with these people. Gary said he must be afraid of Chuck Zito. JD said he wasn't saying anything about anyone.
A caller told JD he has to get some balls and just keep the show from Ronnie. JD said he's trying to be a friend to the guy.
Another caller said he wanted to find out about Artie and how he's fake laughing on the show lately. Gary said that he's been doing a character on the show. The caller said it seemed like he used to laugh for real but now he's doing it as a character. Gary said he's doing a character when he laughs like he's been doing. The caller said it seems he's been going overboard with that stuff lately. The guy said that Sal and Richard should also have their own show.
Gary asked the guy if he knows that Artie is doing a character on the show. The guy said that he's never serious when he laughs now. Gary said that he's doing the character based on a joke they started a week ago. He said that Artie isn't being insincere with the laughter. The guy said he now knows the difference.
Jon asked JD what he thinks of the character Artie does. Gary said it's not really even a character, he's doing a joke. Jon said that character is based on JD. JD said he doesn't know that it is. Gary said they all know it is because they were there when it started. JD said it was inspired by him but he's also doing the Robert De Niro laugh from Cape Fear. JD said the joke can go on a little too long sometimes and it's not funny to him.
JD said he doesn't like the Shaggy D.A. like Artie likes to joke about. He said he's never even seen the movie. Benjy asked how he doesn't like it if he's never seen it. JD said he didn't know and told him to leave him alone.
JD said he doesn't think that ''Look Who's Talking'' is the best movie ever. He said he just liked it. JD said he may have given it a 5 star rating on Netflix but that doesn't mean it was the best movie ever. JD said the ratings are flawed anyway.
JD said that Jon is a weird guy because he went and looked up his movie ratings. Jon said they were having a conversation about films and he went and looked at some of the ratings he gave the movies. Gary asked JD why he rates the movies at all. JD said it helps them pick movies for other people and for him.
Jason came in and said that a veteran is someone who served in the armed forces in war time or not in war time. He said that's the final word on that.
Jon took another call from a woman who said that she agrees with Jon about anyone being in the military being a veteran. She went on to suggest a future guest and suggested the guy who wrote ''The Men Who Stare at Goats'' and some other books. She said he's written some good stuff and he's got a very amusing approach to stuff.
Gary said that he was reading Entertainment Weekly this week and they hardly ever give a movie an F. They gave one to ''The Men Who Stare at Goats.'' He said it almost makes him want to go see it just to see if they're out of their minds.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that he wanted to thank Howard for standing up for his beliefs with that whole Kirk Cameron thing. The guy said that they have separation of church and state in this country and that Kirk guy doesn't seem to get that. The guys talked about some of the good points Howard was making during those rants this morning.
Gary said he and Jon were talking about what a mess some of the people from that show ''Growing Pains'' turned out to be. Gary said that Tracy Gold is also a wacky chick. Jon said he shared a dressing room with her one time and she seemed to have everything together when he met her.
Ronnie said they're going to talk about the show and maybe have some hot chicks who know about cars come up and talk about them. He said that they might have to switch it around a bit.
Jason suggested that Ronnie do a segment where they talk about some of the crazy stuff that happens in the back of the limo. Ronnie said that sounds like it might work. Ronnie said he has some stories himself.
Ronnie told a story about this guy who used to drive for him that they called Shit Box Richie. He said they used to pick people up from British Airways flights and they would take them anywhere in the 5 boroughs. He said Richie picked up a rabbi and brought him out to the middle of nowhere. Richie had to take a dump and had nowhere to go. He found a box in the trunk and ended up shitting in the box and dumping it out in front of someone's house. Ronnie said the stink in the car was still there. That's how he became Shit Box Richie. Ronnie said Howard gave him that name.
Ronnie said he once shit his pants. He said he got an attack while driving this guy who used to be the head of Atari. He said he got in the back of the car and took his underwear off and threw them into a tree. Gary said that if you have to go to the bathroom in New York they won't just let you use them in a restaurant. Gary said that his father had to go one time and he had to take his jacket off and cover up a hole he had. Someone came by and stole it as he was sitting in there. Gary said that his father gave the guy 5 bucks to get the jacket back. Jon said he thinks that Ronnie has a new show going now that they have these stories to talk about.
Jon asked Ronnie if he was happy to be back at work. Ronnie said he is and he appreciates everyone who came by his place for Shiva. The guys asked how Doug Hurwitt was. Ronnie said he was fine and he was trying to talk to him but he heard him talking about being there so he has an in for the next time they go to Rick's.
Gary said he was there and there were some good looking chicks there. Gary said it was weird to see Ronnie as Grandpa with the grand kids running around. Jon said they were really cute kids too. Jon asked Gary if he knew he forgot to mention that Scott was there. Gary said he had no idea he forgot that.
Gary said they were doing a survey in the office and they wrote down the list of names they were going to use and they left off Scott in that list too. Gary said they always do that. Scott came in as they were talking about him. Gary said they don't leave him off intentionally. He said they love the guy and they don't have anything against him. They just forget him.
Scott said he was sitting right text to Gary at the Shiva thing. Gary still didn't remember it. Scott said he's so used to it that it doesn't really matter. Ronnie had to get going after that so he ran out in the middle of that discussion.
Gary said he and Jason work together on that stuff all the time and they always forget to put Scott on whatever list it is they're working on. Jon said that Tim left Scott off his list one year when he gave everyone iPods. Scott asked Gary to just make sure that he's included on the list for whatever Howard is working on for Christmas.
Jon asked Scott what he thinks Howard is working on for Christmas. Scott said he's not sure but it could be a trip or something. Benjy said it could be a party too. He said based on what Howard said about it ''not being booked'' yet then it could be a party. Gary said he should have waited to say what it was.
Benjy wondered if Howard is right to worry about people complaining. Gary said whenever you have a bit list like that then there's going to be someone who complains.
A caller said that he really hates Jason and he told him to lower his dosage of whatever he's taking. He told Jason that he's fat, hairy, he makes stuff for his cats and he's annoying. He said that the only good point he's made was with the CamelFlage girl yesterday.
Jon said he saw Scott DePace coming in so he had to talk about him saying they were all going to Jamaica. Gary said that he said it was a joke but sometimes you get it in your head that it's going to be a big thing. Scott said he was joking around with Gary and that's all it was. Gary said that there can be a kernel of truth in a joke though.
Jon asked Scott what he thinks it is. Scott said it's probably a party of some sort but it's probably with SIRIUS. He said Howard mentioned that Tim was going to be involved so it must be with the company. Scott said he'd rather just hang out at home in Jersey instead of coming back into the city at night for a party. Scott said he might just go to show up. Jason asked why he would force himself to go if he doesn't want to be there. Scott said he wouldn't want to offend Howard and he'd feel that he'd have to show up for his co-workers. Gary said that they're not saying it's a party either so this is all just speculation.
Benjy was saying that these parties are great for trying to get laid. He said he went to Howard's wedding and he was thinking that he might get laid there. He said he thought he was close with Natalie Maines but he didn't know she was married. He said he walked her to her cab that night and it felt like he might have been close to getting laid but he's not sure about that. They had to take a break a short time later.
Jon asked Scott what he thought about their performances today. Scott said they were really good. They got through both songs pretty well. Gary said that they just asked to do one of their own songs and promised they'd give something really special in return. Scott said that all of the guys are really down to earth and really nice guys.
Benjy said he liked their new song. He said that most songs suck that come out now and their song was really good. Benjy said they warmed up with a really good song too. Gary said they did that off air and that was the one they were supposed to do instead of the one they ended up doing. Gary said he ended up doing the other song even though they weren't supposed to.
Jon asked Scott what he had to do when they did that song instead of the one they rehearsed. Scott said he had to change some settings as the band was playing. He said it turned out to be very good though.
A caller asked if the Foo Fighters will ever come back. Gary said that they have a new album out and they'll try to get them on the show but a lot of bands don't want to get up early anymore. Gary said Green Day was up there the other day and they wanted to do the show but they didn't want to get up this early.
Another caller asked if they would ever make a program of just musical guests and maybe some song parodies. Gary said that they did that special and they've run it at least 3 or 4 times. The caller said he'd love to hear that. Gary said that special is great and they could probably run it again but then some people would get pissed and say they keep playing the same stuff over and over again.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if the party Howard is throwing is something he's going to announce about staying there. Gary said that they all hope he re-signs there and that would be a great present.
Ralph called in and said that if you're in New York and you have to go to the bathroom, just go to a hotel. They'll let you go in if you say you're waiting for someone. Gary said that you might not be able to do that in the Four Seasons. He said there are some nice places you can go to though.
Benjy said the worst is the bathrooms in a grocery store. Gary told Ralph that was a good idea. Ralph said that it would be a great iPhone app. Jon said they do exist.
Jon asked Ralph if he wanted to speculate on what Howard is planning for Christmas. Ralph said he wasn't sure what it was. Ralph said maybe they'll do a show on the road and take the guys out. He wasn't sure why it would involve Tim if it wasn't something like that.
Gary said Lisa would think she's a professional and she could never do anything like that. They talked about Nina Blackwood doing Playboy before she got on MTV and how they put those pictures out when she got on there.
Jon said that story about Sara dating Ryan Seacrest for 2 years was very odd. The guys talked about how it must have been strange for her too. She was dating the guy for 2 years and she must have wanted to get laid. They also said that it might have been good for her to date a famous guy like that. They didn't have much time to talk about that because they had to end the show.
Howard started the show talking about the lady whose face was ripped off by the chimp being on Oprah. Howard said he made sure he wasn't exposed to that but someone sent him a picture in email that showed her. He said it was very graphic and it was really sick shit. Howard said he feels bad for the woman. She had to have her face wiped by Oprah during her interview. Howard said the elephant man was more formed than this woman's face was. Howard said there is a lesson to be learned. He said that you don't give it prescription medication.
Artie said he knows Howard regretted watching the beheading by the terrorists and the R. Bud Dwyer shooting. Howard said that he can't get those things out of his head. He said it's hard for him to cope with that stuff. Robin said she saw the R. Bud Dwyer thing and that was it for her. She won't watch anything else like that.
Howard said this woman has an amazing attitude for what happened to her. She was attacked by a chimp and lost her hands and face and no longer has eyes. Howard said they have pictures of what she used to look like and she was an attractive woman.
Howard had some audio clips from the Oprah interview. He tried to figure out what it was that he had to play but the description got cut off. Howard played the clip and it was Oprah talking to Charla Nash about what has happened to her. He let that play for a minute and then talked about how he though people wanted to see stuff like that and he had this woman Celestine on his pay-per-view special and no one wanted to watch it. He said they had a black background and the woman was black so people couldn't see her very well. Artie said people did love her doing the National Anthem on the US Open Sores video.
Howard played some more audio and Charla was talking about having another incident where the chimp had attacked her. Oprah then told Charla what she looks like and described her since Charla can't see. Oprah said it must have been horrifying for her to realize what had happened. Howard stopped it and said that she was probably happy she didn't have to look at Oprah. He said Charla sounded kind of like JD actually. Artie asked if JD was attacked by a chimp. Howard said he was actually attacked by a shrimp.
Howard played more of the audio of Oprah describing this woman's face to her. She was talking about the bulbous nose she has and how they created it. Charla can't breath through that nose. They were able to create a mouth for her too.
Howard said he can't watch stuff like that on TV. He said he feels so bad for that woman. Robin couldn't believe that she was going on TV. Howard said no one should be able to own a monkey. Robin agreed. She said there was a show on the other day showing Tippy Hedron talking about how many tigers there are in Texas and how there are more there than in Africa. They buy them as pets and don't know what to do with them when they grow up.
Artie said there was a great interview done with a mob guy in the 80s where an informant told the interviewer that one of the mob guys had a tiger in the basement of his Brooklyn apartment.
Howard said Oprah got to wipe Charla's eyes during the interview. Gary said that they said that Charla was going to expose her face on her terms. They really milked that and saved it for after a commercial break. Howard said that's great work on Oprah's part. He said that's the tease to keep people tuned in. Artie said he saw one shot where Oprah's belly was blocking the view of that woman.
Howard said this woman is a moron and it showed during that interview. Howard played a clip of the interview where Larry was talking to her and asking why she describes herself as being ''Palinized.'' Carrie tells Larry why she felt that and went back and forth talking to Larry about how conservative women are treated. She felt that she was attacked just like Sarah Palin has been attacked.
Howard said the interview was going along just fine based on that clip. He said it goes on a bit more and then she walks off. Howard played some of that. He said he would have asked her if she still diddles herself since she had that sex tape come out.
Howard said at one point Larry asks her about the lawsuit and why she decided to settle. Then Carrie freaks out. Howard played a second of that and asked what was up with Larry's voice. He sounded like he was attacked by a monkey.
In the clip Larry asked Carrie about suing the pageant and Carrie says that it's all confidential and she wasn't able to talk about it. She wouldn't even tell Larry what the tape was. Howard said he heard the tape was her masturbating and they asked her how she could sue them when she has something like that out. Larry told Carrie that she could let them know why she settled. She refused to talk about it. Larry kept going and Carrie said that he was being inappropriate. Howard said he loves that a 22 year old is telling Larry King he's being inappropriate.
Larry kept asking Carrie about this thing and he says ''Inappropriate King Live continues...'' and takes a phone call. Then you hear Carrie taking off her mic and leaving. The caller's question went unanswered. Larry asked if she could hear him and she said she couldn't hear him. She told him that he was being inappropriate and said she was leaving the show. Larry tried to talk to her but she wasn't answering him. Larry went to break.
Howard said they went to break and convinced her to stay. Howard said that's really dumb. He said that they do a really boring interview after that. He said they agreed to all of her bullshit. Howard said that's just wrong.
In the next clip Larry was saying that they weren't going to take phone calls because that's what they agreed to do. Larry said he didn't know that's what they agreed to. Larry had to be all nice to her after that. He asked her what she was going to do next. She gave him a long boring answer about what she was going to be doing.
Carrie said that she wants to spread the word to all young women that they shouldn't do anything that they don't want people to see eventually. She said that they have to be careful what they do and learn from her mistakes.
Larry asked her what she would like to do professionally. She said she wanted to continue her education and go back to doing whatever it was she used to do. Howard said Larry probably hit on her. That led to the guys doing impressions of Larry hitting on her and talking about how old he is.
Howard said Larry had the lawyers on for the guy who was allegedly blackmailing Letterman. They were feeding Larry all of their bullshit about how that script was legitimate. Howard did an impression of what those lawyers sound like to him and goofed on them for a short time. He played some of the audio from Larry's show where he was asking them about the case. The lawyers were saying that the extortion thing was a fuzzy area and it wasn't actually extortion.
Howard said he'd let this lawyer represent him anytime. He likes the way this guy thinks. Howard played more of the audio of the lawyer talking to Larry about the whole thing. He said what this Halderman guy did was not criminal.
Howard said this guy is smooth. He said he could never be a lawyer himself. He said he'd just start laughing at himself if he was talking to Larry the way this guy is. Artie went into his guy who laughs at everything character and laughed at that.
Howard played more of the Larry King interview where Letterman's lawyer was talking about how it was extortion and David Letterman would never buy anything like what Halderman was selling to him. They were talking about how Halderman had brought the script to Letterman's driver at 6 in the morning. The lawyer didn't think that had anything to do with the case and it doesn't matter what time it was. That's the time of day that Halderman started work so that's why he was doing it at that time.
Howard said he doesn't think this guy stands a chance in court. Robin said it might get the charges reduced though. Fred said they just have to cast a little doubt and they can turn the jury.
Howard said it's clear that Letterman was approached and told this guy was going to go public with this stuff if he didn't pay him $2 million. Howard said that it's just wrong to do that and he doesn't think that he should get away with it. Howard said if he had gone to the Enquirer and sold it to them then it wouldn't be extortion. Howard said that might be legal to do but the way it went down was extortion in his opinion.
Robin said she thinks if it was done in a certain way it wouldn't be considered extortion. Robin said that the person has every right not to buy that thing and the guy could have just been warning him that the story was going to come out. Howard and Artie seemed to think she was out of her mind. They told her that it's extortion and Robin insisted that it wasn't extortion.
Dominic said it does sound like extortion to him. Robin was still arguing that it's possible that it's not extortion. Howard told her not to be fooled and said that the district attorney took the case because he thought it was. Dominic said the D.A. is good too.
Howard asked Robin what her definition of extortion is. Robin said it's not necessarily over something illegal but getting money out of you in an illegal way. Robin said this case didn't seem like extortion to her. Howard asked her to give him something he could go on and she wasn't able to answer. Robin said she feels that the guy was being nice to Letterman offering him to buy the script before he released it. She didn't think that was extortion.
Dominic told Howard about a story about stock trading and how a guy was going to write a book about how they did the deals with the stock. He offers one of the guys the rights to the book so it wouldn't be released. Howard cut him off and said that was extortion too.
Robin said she read the definition of extortion and to her it looked like this Letterman case might not be extortion. Howard told Robin not to go anywhere near that Jury room. He said he doesn't want her going up against him in court.
Robin said that the extortion thing means that he would have had to have stolen the information. Robin said that the information was obtained legally.
Gary asked Dominic if he thinks that the lawyers are going to use what Letterman said about the case on his show about the case against him. Dominic said they may. He said he gave Gary a law book many years ago and they describe extortion and stuff like that in there. Gary said they probably still have the book in their ''library'' there. He said they also have every edition of Mr. Skin's books in there as well.
Howard thanked Dominic for calling in and told people to contact him if they have legal troubles in New York. Benjy asked Howard a question about the case and wondered if Letterman would have been smarter not to do a thing and not respond to it at all. Howard said that wouldn't have been smart. Benjy joked that he had some information about Howard to release. Howard told him he could release it because he knows he doesn't do anything wrong. Howard said this Halderman character deserved to be told on.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if someone threatened to put out a story about his life, couldn't he stop it. Howard said it's not the same thing. Howard said the guy's example didn't apply to this situation.
Robin said that it is wrong but the law says that it's not illegal. Howard said he thinks the guy will see some jail time for doing what he did. Robin said she doesn't know what will happen.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if the guy put a book out and Letterman paid for it not to be released. Howard said it's all the same thing.
Gary said that he has to wear bifocals and has to have all the lights on so he can see. He said that his wife reads all of those crappy Oprah books when she's reading.
Howard said he and Beth had an argument this morning. He said the construction in the argument is still a problem. He said that they have one more day before they can move their stuff in but they're still going to have the guys working there. Howard said Beth pushed for the construction and he may have said something to her this morning that upset her. He said that this is what happens with construction. He said it can end a marriage.
Howard said he was cranky this morning because he hurt his foot. Beth was up because the dog got her up. Howard said he told Beth that the hallway needed an area where he could put his bag down and a chair where he can put his shoes on. He said Beth insists on people taking their shoes off. Howard said she yelled at him that they were already getting that and he didn't know it. He said he was just making a suggestion and she was snipping at him and he was snipping at her.
Howard said he was leaving and he had the door open. He said they live in an apartment building and Beth was yelling to him that he had to get the dog. She was being very loud and he told her to be quiet so she didn't wake the neighbors. He said she got upset with him doing that.
Howard said he told Beth to come and give him a kiss and she said ''No!'' She was like one step away. He said she wouldn't give him a kiss. Robin said that Beth was right. Gary said he doesn't understand what happened there. Robin said Beth feels that she has created this whole aggravation. Robin said that's how she really feels inside. Howard said that's not true. Robin told him not to tell her no, she was telling him how she really felt inside... like Robin knows.
Howard said Robin was wrong but Robin argued that she was right. She said that he was wrong for doing what he did. Howard said Robin is batting 0 for 2 this morning. Robin said she was right about the extortion thing and about this. Howard said she's wrong. Fred played the ''Zero point zero'' clip while they were arguing.
Jillian said she knew that Lisa G was coming out to cover the show. She said she knew that some of the people were really obsessed with the show. She told Jim McClure to get her on the show. She said that Jim told her it was already done. Jillian said that she would be in if Christa backed out and she was never told what time the show was going to be.
Howard said Gary booked the show and it wasn't Jim's fault that she wasn't booked. Howard said he thought she would have been a good guest. Jillian said she had nothing else to do that day and Jim called her telling her they didn't need her.
Gary came in and said he makes suggestions to Jim McClure. He said that Christa Miller contacted him like 3 years ago telling him that she was a superfan. He said that Mark Paul Gosselar is also a big fan. Gary said that he thought that she had done stuff there all the time and maybe they wanted some new people on the show. Jillian said she got all pissed off and weird about the whole thing. She said she did have a meeting on Friday and she had to do that. She said she was trying to get an agent because she doesn't have one right now.
Howard asked Jillian about who handles all of her deals and stuff. Jillian said she has a business manager who helps her out. Howard said he believes that a good agent can really be a benefit. He said that they do mold and shape a career. He said that they know how to put the shmooze out there and make sure you do the right projects.
Howard said that maybe Christa Miller was on because she had an agent and they were able to get in touch with her. Jillian said she would have called in if she could have. She said she's been listening to the show live lately and she loves it. She said that she's in the car at 3 in the morning listening to the show.
Jillian said that Eric the Midget really pissed her off yesterday. She said that Artie is so great and that angry little man was pissing her off. Artie said that he's rude to people and people are rude to him so it all evens out. Jillian said that she doesn't get why they try to rationalize with that guy. She said she doesn't get it. Howard said he loves when Eric the Midget calls in. He said that the fact that he doesn't get it fascinates him.
Howard told Jillian to whip herself back into shape after having this baby. She laughed and said she will. She said she has to lose the weight and she may do Nutri-System again.
Howard said he was thinking about Jillian and how he had a spree where he was banging a lot of chicks and he should have had her. He said that she came to New York city right about the time that he started dating Beth. Howard said Jillian told him that he could have had her.
Jillian said that she and Suzanna Melendez and her are friends and they talk about those times and how her name came up. She said that Howard never came to her and asked her out but he does talk about it. Jillian said that Suzanna knew that Beth was ''the one'' when she met her. Howard said Jillian was at the boxing match with Cabbie and Stuttering John and Beth was there too. He said if he hadn't met Beth he and Jillian could have had a great time together.
Jillian said it was great when she met Beth for the first time because he knew that she was Howard's type at the time.
Howard said if he hadn't met Beth, or if he had met her a month later, he thinks he would have had Jillian over to his place. Howard said they would have had dinner and they would have had some sushi from Nobu. He said they wouldn't bullshit each other and they would have just done it. Jillian said she would have done that because she wouldn't bullshit him.
Howard said Jillian would have gone back home and they wouldn't have seen each other for a long time. He said that it would have come out eventually. He said that it could have gone either way with her and he could have been really good or really bad in bed with her. He said that he could have just put it in her and finished for all he knows.
Howard said he thinks that they could have had another girl in the bed with them too. He said maybe it would have turned into one of those things where they saw each other whenever they ran into each other on each coast. He imagines that she would have been very anxious to please him too because she loves the show so much.
Robin wondered if she would have been like a stalker type. Howard said he doesn't think of her as a stalker. He said she's just a big fan of the show.
Howard asked Jillian if she would have tossed his salad to please him. She said that she doesn't even do that to her husband. Howard said it could have been wild if they had hooked up.
Howard said he wasn't going to marry Jillian so it would have been fine that she lived across the country from him. Jillian said that she knows he doesn't really want a woman who works either. Howard said that would have been a bad thing. He said he thinks she would have given up her career for him.
Howard said if he and Beth broke up today and he called Jillian and told her she was the one, he thinks that she'd call off the marriage and come right to him. He said she might have to try him out first and then, if it was good, she would leave him. Artie said the one thing she wouldn't give up for Howard is talking.
Jillian talked about how she and her husband got pregnant very early on in the marriage. She said she's 43 now and she's pregnant again. Artie said she's older than him.
Jillian was calling in to promote a Super Dave show she's part of. Howard gave her some plugs for that. She said that she would have done the show for free because she loves Super Dave. Howard said that the show is Super Dave's Spiketacular and it's on Spike TV this Saturday night.
Jillian said she wants to do Celebrity Superfan Roundtable next time. Howard said she's in, he didn't know she wasn't part of this last one until it was too late. Jillian said that they did the first show with her and it was tough to keep her mouth shut while the show was going.
Howard told Jillian to make sure she gets back into shape. She said she will. She has 10 more weeks before she has the baby and then she'll be back on the road to being in shape. Howard told her not to let her husband see what her vagina looks like. She said she won't. Jillian told Howard about what happened the last time and how the nurse made her husband sign some paperwork in full view of what was going on. She said she didn't think the nurse liked her.
Jillian said she's having a boy now and of course everyone is telling her that she's going to name it Howard. Howard said of course she is. She said that she's probably going to name him Rocco. Howard said if she loves him then she has to name him Howard. Jillian liked Rocco and she was going to stick with that.
Jillian asked Howard when he's having a baby with Beth. Howard said he's not going to do that. He said he just wants to enjoy his life. Howard said this is Jillian's first time around and he's already done that. Howard said he told Beth that he's going to be her baby when he's 90 years old. Robin said that's going to be one cute baby.
Howard said he had to get going. He gave her some more plugs and thanked her for plugging their show all the time on her show. Jillian said that he's the best thing on radio and she won't be able to do her job without him in the mornings.
Howard said he wanted to ask Jillian about that Dorothy Lucy chick and if she's still being mean to her. He said he ran out of time and had to get to this Penthouse Pet pageant. They have three girls coming in. Artie sounded excited about that. They went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said they have a Penthouse Pet Pageant going on today. He said they have three girls coming in and they will get to that soon. Gary told him they still need a few minutes. Gary said they got there late and they have to do some costume changes. Will said that one of the girls wanted to change in the middle of the contest. He said he had to tell her that she couldn't do that so she had to change. Will said they're supposed to be naked the whole time. Will said that's the way things go with a Penthouse pageant. Howard said they should let Medicated Pete be a judge. He said he'd probably blow a load in his pants.
Howard said they have money for the girls and they will all win something. Howard said the sponsor is PennyStockChaser.com.
Howard had Lisa G come in with her news preview. He was going to get to that but he mentioned a book that lists the final words of people who were executed. A lot of them make sports references. Howard read some of the quotes from the book and found some that were just weird comments. He read through a bunch of those and one guy said that he wanted someone to kill his trial attorney. Howard had some other ones where the people being executed made statements about abortion and things like that. Howard said Mussolini asked to be shot in the chest.
Lisa G was in so Howard asked her to get to that. Lisa said that Artie's CD is number one on the comedy charts on iTunes. She said it's number 20 on the album chart. Howard said he's like Steve Martin. Artie thanked Howard for letting him be on the show.
Lisa said that Brent Hatley from Bubba the Love Sponge Show is still not a regular in the studio since his breakdown a month ago. She said that he has faded into the back office and they have some lawsuits going on so that's one reason he's not on air. Howard said he thought Brent was a backbone of the show. They all said that he was great on air. Robin said she didn't know that he hadn't been on since that incident.
Lisa said they spoke to Kid Kelly about his YouTube video that Howard mentioned. He was happy that Howard saw it and liked what he saw. Howard said the guy was really good in that clip and you have to watch it. They spent a short time talking about what was happening in that clip and how manic the guy had to be to do everything he was doing on the air.
Howard did an impression of what Kid Kelly was like back then in that video. He said he could never do what that guy was doing. He said he'd have a nervous breakdown if he had to do that. Lisa said that he's on Sirius Hits 1 now from 5 to 9pm. Lisa said it was like a sport when she was watching that video.
Lisa said that Sal the Stockbroker had a very high cholesterol level and he's cut back on the bad foods and he's trying to get his life back in order. He had a level of 254. Sal also told them that Robin's diet is horse shit and doesn't work. Sal is still smoking those electronic cigarettes though. She said that they're not sure if they're dangerous to people or not though. Gary said they've talked to Sal about that a lot. they say that it's almost as bad as real cigarettes. They have a skull and crossbones on the liquid that he has to use in that fake cigarette.
Sal came in and said that the fake cigarettes have saved his life. He said he used to cough all the time and he used to get bronchitis a couple of times a year. Sal said he quit eating a lot of food that's bad for him. He said he's lost 10 pounds and he's feeling great now. He told Robin that he's not crazy about what Robin is doing.
Sal said he loves Robin but her diet is just a fad and she'll be bad mouthing it in a couple of years when she gains the weight back. Robin said it's been two years already. Sal said in 2 more years she'll be saying it didn't work.
Sal told Howard and the guys what he was going to be eating today. He was also saying that olive oil is very good for people and it's not bad for you. He just wanted to get that out there. Howard said they already knew that and he's been saying that for years.
They had an intro for the pageant and played that. Howard said hello to Veronica Ricci first. Howard said she was gorgeous. Veronica was kind of nervous for some reason. She said that she has public speaking anxiety. Howard asked if she was nervous with the pictures too. She said she was. Veronica said she did drink this morning so it helps. Veronica is 21. Howard said it was turning him on that she was so nervous. She said that she was a stripper for a while and she sent her pictures into Penthouse and got in. Howard asked if she was the hottest stripper at the clubs. She said she was probably in the top 5.
Howard said the contest is based on beauty, personality and talent. He said that it's going to be hard to get to know her with her being so timid. Veronica said that she was a massage therapist and she was also a stripper. Howard said that was a great combo. He read that she's also bi-sexual. She said that she found that she was attracted to girls and the girls usually come on to her. She said she started doing that when she was about 15 years old. She said she watched a lot of porn growing up too. She said she got it on the internet.
Howard asked Veronica about how she found the first girl. She said that she was a friend of hers and she was moving so they messed around during a sleep over. Veronica said she didn't remember what she was wearing that day. Howard had asked about that but she didn't know. She said that the friend touched her while they were in bed. She said that she touched her thigh and she was excited about that.
Howard said there are pictures of all of the girls on his web site so everyone can follow along. He asked Veronica about having sex in a department store recently. She said it was her and her boyfriend and no one was manning the dressing rooms at the time. She said it was her idea to do it. She said her boyfriend used to be afraid of that kind of thing but she took his virginity from that and now he likes it.
Howard asked how they do it. She said she pulled up her skirt and he went in from behind. Howard asked if anyone knew what was going on. She said no one was there so there wasn't anyone around.
Howard read that Veronica had met a girl online and had her over to her house to have sex with her. She said that they went to the basement to watch a movie together. She said it may have been Boogie Nights. Artie said that's a good one.
Howard asked Veronica some personality questions after asking her to get naked. She had no problem doing that. She said she wasn't going to get fully naked because she had a surprise for them. Howard asked if she was on the rag. She laughed. Veronica took her bra off and Howard told her that helps them judge. Howard asked her the questions as she was undressing. Howard said he saw the surprise and saw that she had stars over her nipples. He asked why she did that. She said it has to do with her talent. Howard said she has some body on her. He said there's nothing wrong with her.
Howard asked Veronica a bunch of rapid fire questions for the personality thing. She was asked what she would say to an ugly person to make them feel better. She was asked if she had sexual feelings about a family member. She said she had but didn't want to say exactly who it was. It was a cousin. Howard asked her a bunch of other questions about various things.
Next up Veronica was going to play the guitar for her talent portion. She was going to play the Star Wars theme on her guitar. She said that she likes both of the series of Star Wars movies. She got her guitar and tried to put her hair up in buns like Princess Leia. She also put on some gloves. Then she played the theme from Star Wars for them. She had a hard time with it. Artie asked if she was tuning up. She said she had only played it like 5 times before. Howard said he thought she was tuning up too. Artie said he likes her better than Stephen Stills so far.
Howard said he was falling in love with Veronica when she hummed along with the song instead of just playing it. Artie said it was like Michael Jackson doing the Beat It song without instruments.
Howard asked Robin for her score. He said that the scores included the whole package. Robin said that she was going to give her an 8. Howard asked Fred for his score. Fred said her looks were outstanding and her guitar playing was dreadful. He said she dropped on his scale because of what she said about Jay Leno. He gave her a 7. He said it was all because of the Jay Leno answer. Artie said she was a 9 in looks. He said her personality is great and he was going to give her an 8 for that but her guitar playing made that a 9. Artie said her talent was really bad but he's going to give her an 8 like Robin did. Howard said he was going to give her a 9.
Will asked Veronica to take the stars off her nips. She had Will do that. He ripped them off fast and Howard said there's nothing wrong with her.
Howard had the next girl come in. Her name was Ryan Keely. Howard said he had a lot of competition there this morning. Howard talked to Ryan about her corporate look so she lifted up her skirt to show she wasn't so corporate. She told Howard that she had her own show there at SIRIUS on Playboy Radio last year. She said that she had worked in the business for a few years before getting in front of the camera. She said she used to watch porn and ended up getting into being a nude model after doing that. She said she posed for hustler, Gallery, Penthouse and others. She said she does some hard core girl/girl stuff and squirting videos too.
Ryan said that she loves Veronica and she would love to do some movies with her. They ended up making out a few seconds later. Howard said they were in love. He said that they're competing for the prize but they were showing love for one another too. They were messing around a bit while Howard was talking to Ryan.
Howard read that Ryan likes to be tied up while she's having sex. Ryan said she does enjoy that and she finds it meditative. Howard said that they had to stop making out and messing around to concentrate on this whole thing.
Howard got to the personality thing and asked Ryan to take off her dress. Ryan took that off and Howard got in some plugs for the sponsor of the contest, PennyStockChaser.com. Howard said it appears that Ryan has natural breasts. She said that they are natural and she likes them the way they are. Howard asked her some questions for the personality part of the contest. He asked her questions about politics and things like that. Ryan had some decent answers for the questions. Howard asked her what race she would exterminate if she had to eliminate one. She said it would be Klingons. She said she would like to change it to base it on IQ. Howard said she can't change it. She refused to give an answer for that. Howard asked her how she can tell if someone is Jewish. She said that she loves Jewish guys and she'd be hitting on them. She said she's always had a thing for Jewish guys.
Howard said that Ryan's talent is singing. She said it's really not but she didn't think her burlesque dancing was going to go over well on radio. Howard asked her of she could tell who was Jewish in the studio. She knew that Howard and Jason were but she wasn't sure about Artie.
Ryan said she was going to sing ''Fever'' from Peggy Lee. Howard had her do that and chuckled while that was going on. Howard cut her off and said that was plenty and she sang very well.
Howard asked for the scores and Robin gave her a score of 9 for being natural. Howard said only a woman would care about that. Fred gave her a score of 6. He didn't like some of the stuff she was saying. Artie was up next with a score of 8. Howard agreed with Artie and gave her an 8 as well. He said she missed one of the lines in ''Fever.'' Howard said she's sexy as hell though. She went up points when she said she had a crush on him.
Howard moved on to the final Penthouse Pet, Taylor Vixen. Howard asked her about something he read about her being put in prison by her parents one time. Taylor didn't remember it at first but then remembered it. She said she used to skip school all the time and failed out of all but one of her classes.
Howard asked if she cared what her parents thought about what she was doing. She said she didn't think they did. Taylor said she didn't care what her parents thought about her modeling nude either. Howard asked her if she has ever brought home a girl for her boyfriend. She said she hasn't done that yet. She said that she had sex with him 5 times in one day just the other day. She said she was very horny that day. Howard asked if she's multi orgasmic. Taylor said she is. She said she doesn't really like to dress up in outfits or anything like that. She said she just likes to fuck.
Howard asked Taylor to take her clothes off. She did that and Howard got in some more plugs for the sponsor while she did that. She had D-cups and Artie said that those are what they call ''great tits.'' Howard told her to lose her bottoms too. She took those off as well.
Howard asked her why she left the landing strip. She said she likes it. Howard asked her who she thinks is hotter, Veronica or Ryan. Taylor said she knows Veronica and has hung out with her so she's going to pick her. She said she's made out with her so she knows her. He had them make out for him. They went right to it. The girls had met down in Miami at a party so they made out there. Howard asked why they didn't take it back to the hotel room. She said that they actually shared a hotel room. Veronica was sick though so not much was going on there. It was ''girl stuff.''
Howard asked Taylor some personality questions and found out that she would probably be working as a bartender if she wasn't doing this. She hates big cock and hates guys who are cocky. She said she wouldn't let a guy eat her out while on her period. She described her fantasy penis and also her fears in life. She said that she fears dying. She also said that she would not perform oral on her mom to save another person's life.
Howard asked Taylor what she was doing for her talent. She said she was going to do a song parody based on ''All My Ex's Live In Texas.'' She said she had put all of her ex's in the song. She had the lyrics on her iPhone. She performed the song and warned them that she can't sing. She started to sing and Howard said she can sing just fine. She sang about one guy who stalks her and another one who just wanted to tittie fuck her. Howard even got into the song and played the coffee cup he got from the guys in Train yesterday.
After the song Howard asked Robin for her score. Robin said she was going to give her a 9. Fred gave her an 8. He said he liked her chest. Artie said that he was going to give her a score of 9. Howard said he's giving her an 8. He said he had to take points off for the landing strip she had.
Howard said they had to figure out who won now. They had to tally up the scores and figure out who the winner was. Howard said that the third place winner was Ryan. She won $500. Ryan said she kind of expected it today. She said she can't sing or dance. Howard said it was only one point that separated her from second place. He said second place, and winning $1,000, was Veronica which meant that Taylor won. Howard said he's not sure what happened there because he thought she should have won. Howard congratulated Taylor on her win and said she won $1,500. Howard said they all win because they're all hot chicks. Howard said that he wishes them all a rich husband.
Howard had all of the girls kiss after the contest. He got in some more plugs for the sponsor and Penthouse magazine. He said that all of the girls can be seen in the special edition that's coming out for January. Howard said that all of the girls should do a movie together. The girls said they were working on that. They had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and said that Colin Quinn was coming in next. He said that Colin was busy working with a bunch of big guys on some movies this summer. He lost his notes on that though so he had to ask for another copy. Colin told him he didn't need notes. He said that he could just tell him.
Robin said that Colin has slimmed down a bit. Howard said he was looking really bad for a while. Colin said he was depressed. Howard asked what he was depressed about. He said he's got nothing to be depressed about. Colin said Howard should talk. He said he could say the same thing about him.
Colin said that he hasn't been drinking or doing drugs in the past 25 years. He said he had to cut back on the food too. That's why he's slimmed down.
Howard said Colin cheated on his wife right after he got married. He said Colin always has chicks coming on to him too. Colin said he has problems and he thinks that women can be like a drug.
Howard asked how he got out of his depression. Colin said he was on medication but it wasn't working for him. He said he may not have been sick enough for the meds to work on him. Howard said that Artie might be sick enough for that.
Colin said he figured that no one cared about him being depressed so he just had to get out of that. He said he started losing weight around that time too. He said it's just dieting that helped him lose the weight. He said he's been working out on the treadmill, doing pull-ups and stuff like that every day.
Howard asked Colin about working with Kevin James, Adam Sandler, Chris Rock, Rob Schneider, David Spade, Norm MacDonald and others this summer. He said he also worked with Salma Hayak. Colin said he didn't do any scenes with her. Colin said he plays the bad guy in this movie. He said he's bitter about Sandler and his friends coming back to the town and he blames them for his life. Robin asked if this was based on real life. Colin laughed and said it might be.
Howard asked Colin if he thinks that he should be the big guy over Sandler. Colin said that he knew Sandler was going to be a big star the first time he saw him. He said he doesn't resent the guy.
Colin told Howard they had a great time doing the movie and they hated for it to end. Howard said he loved doing his movie too. Howard said it must have been great hanging out with all of those guys. Colin said he and Norm were doing a lot of scenes together and it was great hanging out with him. He said that they'd go into a store to buy stuff and Norm likes to wear hip hop clothes and stuff. He said that Norm is so out of style he thinks that he dresses great. He said they went into some stores and the guy in the store would ask him to go change into a shirt. Norm would ask him if he wanted him to take his shirt off. Then Norm would tell customers that the guy wanted them to take their shirts off so they should watch themselves.
Howard said it's sad in a way that it ends and they have to go their separate ways. Colin said he didn't know he could have so much fun doing that stuff. He said that Sandler takes it very seriously though. He said he works from the time he gets up until he goes to bed.
Howard said Sandler must have been annoyed about the way they were acting. Colin said they had a cut extra on the set and Tim Meadows was asking her what kind of soup she liked. Chris Rock would yell out that she was so hot that guys were actually interested in what kind of soup she likes.
Colin said that David Spade might be the funniest guy around going pound for pound. He said that if Spade and Norm are in a room together it's a show on its own. Colin said that he'd love to turn that into a show. Howard asked if he thinks the movie will be a hit. Colin said he does. He said they tested it three times and it got a lot of love from the audience.
Colin said they were staying at the Mandarin Continental and then 3 weeks later he had to go do a comedy show with Bob Levy, Shuli and Beetlejuice in the same city. He said that was pretty wild. Howard asked what hotel he stayed in with Levy. Colin said it was actually outside of Boston and you kind of hope that Shuli is going to take the room with Beetlejuice. Colin said that his joke was that they look like a retarded Dave Matthews Band when they get out of the car.
Howard asked Colin what he thinks about Ronnie losing his show to JD. Colin said that JD deserves an F-Emmy for that. He said that the way he stood up to the guy was great. Howard said JD has actually given the show back to Ronnie and he told him he's going to have to cancel it again if he doesn't like it. He said JD told him that he just wants it all to go away. Howard said that's what a boss has to do and he needs to learn that.
Howard asked Colin about the movie he worked on and what it was called. It was called ''Grown Ups'' and it should be out next June. Howard said it must make Artie uptight hearing that Colin got close to Norm. Artie said he loves both of them and he's not uptight about that at all. He said he and Norm shot Dirty Work up in Toronto so they had some great fun up there just like Colin did. He said they did similar things up there. Artie said that Spade and Norm are great to hang out with because they're so quick and funny.
Howard asked Colin if he ever wants to have a serious conversation with a guy like Spade or Norm. Colin said he just sits back and laughs at it all. Colin said that they'll jerk people around on the phone and stuff too. He said they'll ask for steak and lobster from room service at 2 in the morning.
Howard asked Colin if they worked hard on this movie or were they jerking around the whole time. Colin said they worked and they stuck to the script most of the time too. He said they were allowed to jerk around a bit but most of it was the script. Artie said he really misses Norm when he hears these stories.
Howard asked Colin if he's getting laid. He said he was dating someone but not now. Howard asked if Chris Rock hung out with them too. Colin said they would go to dinner and stuff and he and Chris are really close. He said that he's known him for a long time. Howard asked if they get women and bang them. Colin said they don't really do that. He said they eat and go back to their rooms.
Colin said he just broke up with this chick. The relationship lasted for 2 months. Howard said he heard that Colin hates that he likes dick jokes. Colin said that he heard that Howard didn't like intelligent comedy so he just jokingly said that he didn't want Howard hearing he was doing dick jokes.
Howard said he heard that Colin saw Ralph sitting in the crowd of a show with the Olsen Twins. Colin said he saw the twins there at the show and then saw the third twin sitting there. Howard said Ralph is friends with John Stamos so he got to know the Olsen Twins through him.
Artie asked Howard if he thinks that Stamos is doing anything with the Olsen Twins. Howard said that would be so wrong. He said that he'd be sexually perverted if he was doing that. He said they're almost like his daughters. Howard said it would mean he was a guy though.
Howard gave Colin some plugs for his Caroline's on Broadway shows he's doing this week. Howard told him not to do any of his intelligent comedy. He said if he shows up and sees any of that he's going to leave.
Colin said he's doing another show in December but Howard didn't understand what the hell he was saying. Howard told him to slow down and tell them in a way that will make them want to go see it. Colin said he's directing a show in Hell's Kitchen. He said it's a one man show that he's directing. He's done some one man shows on his own and he knows how to do that stuff.
Howard said he likes Colin's comedy because he has Beetlejuice and Bob Levy go on before him. Colin made fun of Bob a little bit but he had Artie laughing at the jokes. Colin said that one day Jim Florentine told a fan not to offer Beetlejuice a joint and a few minutes later Beet was telling Jim to mind his own fucking business. He said he was giving Jim the evil eye the rest of the night.
Howard asked Colin if he has ever visited Beetle in his room. Colin said he has done that. He said there are a lot of bodily fluids being expectorated in that room. Howard wrapped up with Colin a short time later and went to break.
Howard came back and had Mike Walker on the line to play his gossip game. He accidentally turned on another channel there at SIRIUS and he wasn't even sure what it was. Howard said it sounded like a good show though. He listened in for a few minutes and people were calling into the show. Howard asked if anyone knew what it was.
Mike said he wanted to say hi to Robin as a fellow veteran since she was in the Air Force and he was in the military too. Robin said there was some arguing about that during the Wrap Up Show yesterday.
Howard had Mike get to his game so here's how it goes. Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Steve said they have more about Daniel Carver Jr.'s arrest. They have a mug shot of him now. Steve said that Joey Boots is back in rehab after overdosing. He was taking pills and using cocaine and heroin. Robin said they have to stop paying attention to him because this is why he does this stuff.
Steve said that the bids to get to sit in the studio with Howard are up to $15,200 and a similar one with Oprah stands at $12,000.
Howard got in some plugs for the ''This is Beetle'' specials that are running on Howard TV this month. The third episode is up now. He said that the Penthouse Pet Pageant will be up tomorrow night.
Jon Hein came in and ran down his list of Wrap Up Show subjects for today's show. Then Mutt from Superfan Roundtable called in and said that they're going to be talking about JD giving Ronnie his show back. They'll also try to figure out what Howard is planning for Christmas. They'll talk about Mariann from Brooklyn giving up on High Pitch Eric and Eric the Midget burning bridges with everyone on the show. That's on Superfan Roundtable at 7 on Howard 101 tonight.
Robin read a story about a study done about atheistically pleasing genitals and what can happen when you have labiaplasty surgery. Howard asked Robin if she would have that done. Robin said there's no way she would. Howard said that a nice looking vagina is like what the Penthouse girls had today. He said they all had nice looking genitals.
Robin read about some tests that have been done to get women pregnant using 3 parents. They can use older women's eggs and repair them with younger women's eggs. Howard asked Robin if she ever regrets not having kids. Robin said she might regret not being her now, earlier. She said she really enjoys her life now. Howard asked about the kids. She said she might have if she was the way she is now, back then. Howard sang her the questions instead. She said she had no regrets. Howard was singing it to her like the song from Fiddler on the Roof.
Robin said she has had kids in her life before. She said she has no biological need to have kids though. She said she only has a need for food and water. Howard said that all of this messing around with creating kids is wrong. He said that nature should provide what we need and that's why there are more male babies born than female.
Robin had another story about where the most attractive people are in the world. They spent a short time talking about that. They talked about how there are so many ugly people over in England. Howard said that they're so ugly over there that he's known for his good looks there.
Robin read a story about a whole family that has been charged with some sex crimes. There may be victims out there who were molested so they're looking for people to come forward. Robin read about some of the stuff that they're accusing the family of doing. Robin had some details and audio clips of the authorities talking about the arrests.
Robin read about Ted Haggard and how he's going to be starting his own bible school this week. Robin said he's going to clear out the barn if he gets enough people to show up. Howard said he wants to give the guy some advice after he plays the audio clip. He had a clip of Haggard talking about this bible school. Howard said this guy Ted Haggard should go sit down with his wife and kids, get a divorce, and admit he's a gay man. He said that he should go out and just be gay and he'll be a happy man and he will be able to find work. Robin had some audio of the guy talking about how he's a heterosexual and it was good for him to see what it was like for a gay man. Howard said he should be in high heels and learning to play Star Wars on a guitar. He said he'd be a lot happier if he just admitted he's gay.
Robin read a story about pastor Joel Miller who is on a hunger strike trying to get food for food banks. Howard said he likes that. He's only collected 6,000 of the 30,000 cans of food he wants to collect. He's only been drinking water since the beginning of November. Robin said he has faith that he will meet his goal. Robin had some audio of him talking about how hard it's been so far with his body screaming at him to get food.
Robin read that Lou Dobbs is leaving CNN. Howard said he sees Lou outside chain smoking at the building they work at. Robin had some audio of Lou talking about leaving the network.
Robin said that two soldiers have appeared on Oprah Winfrey's show to talk about how they took the shooter at Fort Hood into custody. She had some audio of that. One of the soldiers was a woman. Howard said she was kind of cute too. Robin said that she was a hero. Howard said it sounds like she was just doing her job like Sully was doing when he landed in the Hudson. Robin said that it's not the same thing. She said he is not a hero and this woman is.
Howard asked Robin to just get back to the news and get it over with. Robin read a story about some envelopes that have been sent lately. They're waiting for results for tests to find out of they contained any harmful material. Robin said they appear to have been just harassment and not terrorism. She had some audio of a police commissioner talking about it and saying that they were coming from the Dallas area.
Robin said the Country Music Awards were on last night and Taylor Swift swept the awards. She captured all four of the categories she was nominated in. She won the Entertainer of the Year and was overwhelmed when she accepted. Robin had some audio of her up on stage accepting the award. Howard said he likes her, she's kind of hot. Howard said it would have been great if Kanye West came out of the ceiling and took the award from her. Artie said that's why Howard should be a producer. Howard said no one ever asks him to produce like that.
Artie said that Taylor does look kind of like a calf learning to walk when she's in high heels. Howard said that's what he said earlier this week after seeing her on SNL. Howard said she's like a little kid who probably still has to drink milk for her bones.
Robin had some news about gay marriage debates that are going on. She said that the Balloon Boy's parents are in the news again. They're expected to plead guilty to the hoax they created to get attention for their reality show series. Robin said that both charges are misdemeanors and the wife and father could end up in jail for 60-90 days. Robin read the details about that story and Howard said if the guy only gets 90 days in jail then it was all worth it.
Robin read about Celine Dion's artificial insemination not working. That led to Fred doing his French accent and talking about that. He was goofing on Celine and saying that she had cobwebs in her ''pissy.'' He said they thought they had a baby in there but it turned out to be a spider. Robin said they're going to go to New York to give it one last try.
Robin had a story about Amanda Peet being in this new movie ''2012.'' She had some audio of her talking about that. Howard said that should be another big, hit movie. He said she's box office poison. He said she's never been in a hit movie. Howard wondered what people see in her and why they keep putting her into these movies. He said they're all a disaster. Howard played the audio of Amanda talking about the director of the movie and how great he was. Howard wondered if her movies can be used as a tax write off when they fail.
Robin read about the new Twilight movie ''New Moon'' and how much they're pushing it. Howard said he's looking forward to it. He said he likes serious vampire movies like that. Robin had some audio of one of the stars, Kristen Stewart, talking about making the movie and what a good time she had making it. Howard said the only thing that can ruin a vampire movie is Amanda Peet. Howard said she was on a TV show that lasted almost one whole season though. He had to give her that.
Robin had some audio of Jessica Biel talking about a part she had. She was talking about her character's arc and how that worked. Howard said that she probably doesn't even know what an arc is. She's not even in the movie, she just did a voice for it.
Robin read about Oprah Winfrey's plan to go to cable TV and how they think that she'd keep her audience if she does move. Robin said that she is starting her own cable station and they're wondering if she puts her own show on it. Artie said he doesn't give a fuck what she does.
Robin read that John Voight has said that he and Angelina Jolie are talking again. They don't speak frequently though. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 10:40am.
Gary said they have great relationships with Penthouse and Playboy. He said that over the years Playboy has gone more mainstream while Penthouse has kept the girls getting naked for them. The Playboy girls rarely do.
Jon played a clip from the pageant where Veronica was playing Star Wars on her guitar. After playing that clip Jon said that was the highlight of the show when she sang along to it as she was playing it.
Gary said that all of the girls were equally awful. He said that they all had their own things and it was all while they were butt naked. will said they were all smoking hot though. He said he loved Taylor Vixen's boobs but Veronica overall had the best body. Gary said he liked the real boobs on the second chick (Ryan). He said he thought they were all great though.
Jon asked if Ryan was the one who loved all the Jews. Will said she was the one who was giving all of the politically correct answers and he hates that. He said she should have been honest. Gary said the girls were all over each other too. Will said there was some tittie touching going on and it was all hot.
Jon took a call from a guy who said the pageant was one of the best ones they've done. He said Howard could have put them all on the Sybian as part of the judging. Gary said they've done that before. He said they didn't have a lot of time to do it though. Gary took responsibility for that.
The caller asked if they're ever going to re-release the old videos that Howard put out. Gary said that they have talked about that and Howard has said that they won't put them out again because they were supposed to be limited edition. Then again they could put them on DVD and give a better version of it.
Jon asked the guys if they thought that the girls were all answering honestly. Gary said that they seemed to be overall.
Jim McClure said they all love Jillian and it wasn't like they were trying to keep her off the show. Jim said that she was willing to blow off that meeting she had to do the show but they didn't want her to do that. Gary said that Jillian will be on the show again and he thinks that things are cool now. He's not sure about her being cool with it all but he's cool with it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Jillian is the biggest celebrity superfan out there and she's always promoting the show. He also asked the guys if they think that things would be different between Howard and Jillian if they had slept together. Gary said that's hard to say but he's not sure it would. He said that she might think it was great and keep talking about how great the show is. Benjy said he thinks she would love it.
Jim said that Mark McGrath knows the show inside and out and even knows more than he does. He said that they're ubergeek for the show. Gary said that they may be doing another one of these shows in New York soon and Mark Paul Gosselar may be on that one. He said he's heard what a huge fan of the show he is.
Some of the stuff that the guys talked about on that show were very insider kind of stuff. They talked about how even they had to think about some of the references they were making.
Gary said he and Benjy were driving around and Benjy was telling him a story about how he used to have his car towed around by AAA to see how far they'd take him. Gary said he really enjoyed hearing that story.
A caller said that Benjy was lying about that because they will only tow you twice in one day. Benjy swore on his life that he had AAA Plus and they would tow him 100 miles and he did it 3 times that time. He said that maybe computer systems have changed that over the years but he did get away with it. Benjy wanted to prove it to him but the guy didn't seem to care that much.
The caller said he thinks that Jillian brings the show to a screeching halt. He said that it gets old hearing them talking about the old days and how they didn't hook up. He said he hopes they don't have her on ever again. Gary said she is a good guest and he found it interesting that she was upset that she wasn't on that Superfan show. She has great sex stories when she comes in and she has been a good guest before.
The guys talked about the problem Jillian had with Eric the Midget. They wondered if she had ever spoken to him directly. Gary said Eric got his email address and he was getting email from him and almost started to write back to him but figured that he was wasting his time so he always stopped himself from writing back.
Gary said he doesn't understand why Eric has no compassion for anyone else when people have compassion for him. Gary said he thinks that Eric is just a douche.
Ralph called in and said that he should write him back. He said it's great to battle a midget. Ralph said he was also thinking that Gary made a few mistakes with the Celebrity Superfan show. They should have made it 2 hours and they should have had Jillian on the show. Gary said that would be the same people on the show then. He said he's thinking they should rotate some people through during the show instead of from show to show. Gary said they're hoping to do the show more often now. He said they waited too long to bring it back again so they're trying to get more people in there.
Ralph asked about the woman who was on the show this time. Gary said that was Christa Miller and she's been on two very big shows. She might not be the biggest star out there but she's a huge fan and she has been around for a long time. Ralph said he feels bad for Jillian not getting on the show. Gary said they already know how Jillian feels though.
Ralph asked why Jason isn't involved in the show. Gary said that it's on the west coast so he can't give him up to fly out to L.A. to do the show. Gary said he needs Jason there to do his work in the morning. He said if they do a show in New York then Jason will be involved in it.
Jason came in and said that it does bum him out that he's not brought into the mix at all. He's been producing the Superfan Roundtable for years now and they always leave him out of it. Jason said that it's not like there's any secret to doing the job but he is left out of the mix.
Gary said that Tim was in charge of that. Jason said he's not mad at anyone but he is glad that Gary put a face to it. He said he puts that Superfan Roundtable show together every week. Gary said he gets it and he sees why he'd be bummed about not being involved.
Jason has been producing the show since 2005 so they asked him about that. That Jason has to produce Geektime too so he doesn't have a lot of time to do there things. They're actually doing another Geektime this Saturday afternoon.
Jon said it seems that Jason and Gary have some things going on between each other. Jason said that they really don't. Gary told Jason he should have said something to him if he felt left out of the whole Celebrity Superfan thing. Gary said he didn't see that coming and it's not like he's going to tell him to get out if he brings it up.
Gary said he loves Jeff Probst as the host of Celebrity Superfan. Ralph wondered how much longer that show was going to be on the air. Gary said it still gets very high ratings so it'll be around a while.
Ralph said that he'd love to be able to go back and put out a DVD of the old Channel 9 shows. They could do a DVD set where they talk about the stuff they had to do to make the bits work and stuff. Gary said that there were some great stories from back then. Gary shared a couple of them and said that Ralph used to argue with Dan Forman all the time.
Gary said Howard used to throw tantrums during some of the bits they did and one of them was one where Howard was doing a segment with Tin Conway as Dorf. He said that Howard was freaking out and he had the sneakers sewed to his knees so it was a funny sight.
Jon asked Ralph about hanging out with the Olsen twins. Ralph said that he does that a lot and they're very nice. He said that he doesn't get anything off of them but they're very nice. He said that the people from Full House are like lifelong friends.
Benjy asked Ralph if he thinks that Stamos has done the twins. Ralph said he doesn't think so. He said he's not sure about that but he gets the feeling that he hasn't. He thinks that it would make him cooler if he did though.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he agrees with them getting more fans on the Celebrity Superfan show. He said they should try to get people who are into the show. Gary said that Chris Canyon wanted to be booked with Mark Paul Gosselar show because he loves him. The caller said he doesn't care who they are as long as they're celebrities of some kind. Gary said that Steven Weber wants to do the show and he's not that big of a star but he'd like to hear what he has to say about the show.
Gary said those things that Sal is smoking might be worse for him than cigarettes are. Sal said he thinks that the government is in cahoots with the tobacco companies and it's not bad for you. Sal said the more people that attach themselves to these fake things the more the government is going to suffer. Jason said that the government has sued the tobacco companies and also slapped all of those warnings all over the packs. He said that they're not in cahoots. Sal said they just do that to look good.
Sal said that no one has come forward and complained about the fake cigarettes. Will said the idea of those things is to get you off of regular cigarettes. Sal said he smokes more now with those than he did with the real ones. Gary said that it's actually funny to see because Sal will actually smoke real cigarettes when he has to recharge his battery for the fake cigarette.
Sal said that he puts in 2-3 drops of that nicotine stuff every 10 minutes. It's supposed to last you a whole day. Gary said that the stuff has a skull and crossbones on it. Sal said that he hasn't had any problems yet and he's not going to worry until he has blood in his shit.
Jason said that some of the stuff he uses hasn't been tested with the FDA. Sal said that he doesn't use that stuff anymore because the company went out of business.
Sal said that Robin made a trip to his office again today. She asked him why she has to be caught up in the middle of the whole thing. Sal said he was asked by Lisa G about the diet thing and Lisa brought it up on the air and made it sound like he was out in the hall just talking about what a shitty diet it was. He said the news has to take some responsibility for that.
Sal said he doesn't believe in that diet Robin does but he didn't come out waving a red flag saying it twas wrong. Sal said that the news is omitting some stuff that should be included in the story. He said that it's almost like entrapment. He said that it was done in an instigating way and he thinks that its' their fault that it came out. Sal said that Robin is so caught up in the whole thing that it bothers her when she hears someone talking about it in a negative way.
Jon asked why he thinks it's horse shit. Sal said that it's a fad diet and that's what he's saying. He said putting things up your ass isn't normal. Jon asked if smoking an electronic cigarette is normal. Sal just kept going on about Robin's ''fad'' diet and how they don't work. Jon said that Sal hurt her feelings and she was confronting him about that. Sal said he thinks she was trying to recruit him. He said that she told him she wasn't in there to preach but that's exactly what she was doing.
Sal said that Robin was trying to get him into her cult like that Jim Jones guy. Jon asked Sal if he knew what Jim Jones was all about. Sal gave his explanation and said that he thought that the people in his ''occult'' followed him and drank the poisoned Kool Aid. The guys goofed on Sal about the ''Occult'' thing since Sal had no idea it was ''a cult'' and not an occult.
Sal said he's not going around telling people that Robin's diet is horse shit. He said if he's asked about it he's going to tell people what he thinks. He's not going out of his way to put her down. He's not looking to knock her deliberately.
Jon asked how they ended their conversation. Sal said he may end up doing some Bikram Yoga with Robin. Richard might get into that too. Sal said that they may be going to see some hot chicks doing the Yoga thing while sweating like crazy.
Jon asked Sal about his weight loss of 10 weeks. Sal lost 10 pounds and said that Jon had lost some too. Jon asked Sal about what he eats now. Sal said he loves olive oil and there's plenty to eat. He said he likes that olive oil so much that he'd put it on his cereal. He said that if you're on a diet then you should use olive oil instead of other types of oil. He said you won't even think that you're on a diet if you use that stuff.
Sal said his father told him that he's in the olive oil business. He said that he's getting the stuff from Libya for $1.50 per liter. Sal said he has this stuff and his mother thinks it's cut with something else. He said his father told her to shut up when she doesn't know what she's talking about.
Sal said that his father is also able to get cases of pizza boxes for $4 for stuff that usually costs $22. He said he asked his father what the boxes are made of and his father tells him that they're government approved boxes so they're fine. Jon asked Sal if he knew they had to be government approved. Sal said he had no idea.
Sal talked about working in the Pizzeria his father owed and how he had to stamp the boxes in the back room when he was working there.
A caller asked Sal about the e-cigarettes and the comment he made about the Chinese and Europeans using them for years. The caller wanted to know where he thinks China is located. Sal said he knows it's not part of Europe like the caller made it sound.
The guys asked Sal if he knows what that stuff is that he's inhaling. Sal said it's a vapor so it's water. Jon said there's nicotine in that too though. Sal said he'll get off of that stuff some day. They had to go to break after that.
Gary said Howard used to wave his hand to tell people to get on with it. He doesn't do that now. He said that they all get the hand once in a while. Benjy's mic just gets shut off. Gary got the hand today and he said it always feels weird when he does.
The caller said that he's from Oklahoma and he doesn't think that the stuff they eat and do isn't all that crazy. He said he has a normal job and a normal life out there and it might seem strange to them there in the city but it's not that weird out there where they live.
The caller talked about how he likes to go out and 'gig' frogs. He had to explain what that was and how they eat the legs. Gary said his son has a friend who is a deer hunter and he was telling them about how they have a special tool to pull the rectum out of the deer after they shoot it.
The caller said that he didn't think Richard was that weird but Jon said Richard is weird. They pointed out his bathing habits and stuff and it did sound weird even to the caller.
Jon asked if they think he's jealous of Adam Sandler's career and success. Gary doesn't think he's jealous. He said he thinks that he might wish that he had that kind of success. Benjy said that's basically what Colin said today. He said he's not upset with Adam's success but he'd like to have something similar.
Jon asked the guys what they think about Colin going to Boston and shooting the movie and then going back to do comedy with Bob Levy and Beetlejuice a few weeks later. Gary said that it's got to be strange but that's the life of a stand-up comedian.
Jon took a call from a woman who said Sal is insane and she's not sure how they deal with him. She said that the things that come out of his mouth are insane. She said that Eric the Midget is the same and he's got to be mentally ill. She said that the way he acts and the things he says are crazy. Gary asked if he's really ill or is he just a jerk? He said that Eric has social skills of some type and he might not be mentally ill, he's just not that nice of a guy. The caller said she doesn't think that his handicap has anything to do with the way he acts and he may have delusions of grandeur.
Gary said that Eric was able to get on the show and ask go get on that show American Dreams and he seems to think he got in based on his talent so he is kind of delusional there. The caller said she thinks that Eric thinks he's smarter than he is but he's also more immature than he should be for his age. Gary said it seems that he's been socially sheltered in a way and he should forgive him for that but he pisses him off so much he just can't.
The caller said that Sal is similar to Eric in that way because he doesn't know when to stop talking. Gary said that Sal has a lot of ideas in his head and he's kind of like Ralph Kramden in a way.
Another caller said that he thinks that Sal really is like his father in that way he has big ideas. He said he's probably going to be the next one to come out with the big ideas. Gary and Jon spent another minute talking about that before they had to end the show.
Today's Best of the Week was over around 11:10am.