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Howard started the show talking about how people were accusing them of taking the whole week off even though they just had the one day off yesterday.
George Takei was sitting in so Howard tried to put his mic on. He had some trouble doing that since no one had labeled his microphone. Scott the Engineer took the blame for that.
Howard said that Scott is heading out to Las Vegas to do a DJ thing. Howard said he predicts that people are going to throw stuff at him out there. He said he hopes that doesn't happen but Scott is very excited about going. Howard said he heard that there are posters all over Caesar's Palace out there. They had some pictures to show what it looks like out there.
Howard said Scott is so busy with that he didn't have time to label George's mic. Howard said that they are back from vacation and they are back for the rest of the week.
George Takei is only with them for two days. George said he's going to Philadelphia on Wednesday afternoon to speak at Drexel university. He'll be talking about discrimination there at the college. Howard said that George is a very busy man.
George said yesterday he was promoting this Newlywed Game that they did last year. Howard said Carnie Wilson is going to be calling in about that to promote the show too. Howard said that they're making it sound like it's something ground breaking even though they did the Newlyweird Game there on his show. George said that was called the Newlyweird Game and not the Newlywed Game. George said the show is on tonight at 6 and 9pm on the Game Show Network.
Howard said that George and Brad did horribly with each other when they did it on their show. They'll have to wait and see how they did when they come back tomorrow.
Howard played Artie's voice mail and it was the usual from him. He sounded like he was faking it as always. Howard said they were out Friday and Monday and he still can't make it in. Howard said it's fine that he's out but it's kind of strange.
Robin said that Artie always says that he never gets sick so she's worried about him too. George said that maybe it is a genuine thing because he was looking so thin the last item he saw him. That made everyone laugh. Howard said George is a funny man and he gets funnier all the time.
Howard said someone said to Artie that he looked like he was doing really well and he snapped at them telling them that he was taking it just one day at a time.
George said he's looking forward to tomorrow with Artie coming back. Howard said that he's not sure if Artie will be in tomorrow. George said he's never missed more than one day in a row like that. Howard said ''not yet.''
Howard played a new song parody they had with George's voice in it. It was to the tune of ''Boom Boom Pow'' and it was ''Big Black Wang.'' They also played a prank call that Sal and Richard made with George's ''dry oatmeal'' comments. George seemed to be enjoying that. He laughed through the whole thing. He said it's dangerous to say anything there.
Howard played another George Takei song parody about black wang. Howard said George has a million songs. Howard told him he's glad that he's back. George said that he's glad to be back too.
Howard said George is going to be on the Newlywed Game tonight. He said that he's not sure why Carnie Wilson is the host of that show. Howard thinks he should be the host himself. He said he could do that no problem and said he's been practicing for years.
Howard said he thinks that Carnie is fat again. He asked George if he thinks she was fat. George said that she was big but she might be trying to lose weight. Howard said she was fat and had her stomach stapled. She got skinny for a while and then did Playboy. Then she started to get fat again.
Howard said Beth was away for a month but he went out to see her in Vegas for a week. He said that she was on this show ''True Beauty'' and he wasn't supposed to talk about that. Howard said Beth was a judge on the show. Howard said she said it was fun to do.
Howard said he wasn't allowed to talk about what Beth was doing because the contestants are tricked into doing the show. He said that they're told they're doing this beauty pageant to find out who is going to be the face of Las Vegas. Meanwhile they're being judged on how beautiful they are on the inside. They test them on their character.
Howard said that it was on ABC last year and they brought it back for a second season and Beth will be a judge on that. Howard said that it was for a whole month though. Robin asked when they catch on to what they're really doing. Howard said they never do until the end when they boot them all off. Robin asked if they boot people week after week. Howard said they do but they don't tell anyone what's going on.
Howard said the people are kept from speaking to their family or anyone else for the whole month. Howard said that the show isn't supposed to air for another year or so. He said that the people have to keep the secret for a whole year.
Howard said that Bernie got into a fight with another prisoner over the stock market. He said that it was another senior citizen and he won. Howard said he heard that he beat up a prisoner and thought he was strong but it was just another old guy. Howard said that they were in the same age range. Howard was thinking about how it provides some comfort to the people who were ripped off that he he's getting into fights like that over the stock market while he's sitting in jail.
Howard said you feel bad for the people who were ripped off by that guy. Howard said there are Bernie Madoff masks out for Halloween this year. He said that they look nothing like the guy though and they call it the ''Mr. Ponzi'' mask. Howard said they can't use his name.
Robin said that Roman Polanski isn't doing well in jail either. Howard said he can't believe that there are people defending him.
Howard said he was reading these comments from this friend of Polanski's who was saying that they should just forget about this rape thing. Howard said that he's not sure why anyone would defend him other than Woody Allen. Howard said that Woody has done some strange things himself so he understands why he's defending him. Howard did his impression of Woody defending the guy and goofed on him for a couple of minutes.
Howard said Roman Polanski had some good movies but he shouldn't be excused for what he did. Howard said that if Spielberg committed a murder he could probably get off based on the movies he's made.
George said that they shouldn't have let Polanski get away with it as long as he did. They should have gone after him in Switzerland years ago. He owns a home there. Robin said that she agrees with him but he did spend a lot of time in France where they don't extradite people.
Howard said when Rush was doing commentary he made a statement about Donovan McNab being highly overrated and how the press just wanted a black guy to do well. Howard said Rush is a shithead and he proves that every day.
Howard said that he doesn't care about the racist stuff. He said he can't stand that Rush Limbaugh is successful. Howard said he hates that he's successful in radio. He doesn't want him to be able to own a football team.
Howard said Beth got home on Saturday afternoon and it was like they never saw each other. He said it was really weird. Robin said it must have been like she just came home from war. Howard said that's exactly what it was like.
Howard said Beth didn't like being in the hotel that long. He said that she was also charged $175 for the bag she brought on with her. Howard said that it was 95 pounds. Howard said if she had packed the stuff in 3 different bags she wouldn't have been charged. Howard said that makes no sense. Robin said she's been asked to move stuff in her bags to change the weight.
Howard said Beth had to bring a bunch of clothes out to Vegas with her and that's what she had in this bag. Howard said he's not sure why they charge you for weight like that. Robin said she was charged $100 for the bag she had with her when she went out to do Jeopardy. She said she just had t-shirts and stuff in there. Howard said Beth just wanted to get the hell out of Vegas after being there for a month.
Howard said he had a whole plan where they'd have sex as soon as Beth came home. He said that's the way a guy thinks. He said Beth came in and she wanted to take a shower. Howard said he wanted her stink but she wanted to clean up. He told her he needed to be with her after the shower. She didn't want to shower with him either. Howard said they've tried that and it never works out. He said that he gets chilled and she stays warm under the water.
Howard said he's showered with women before and he starts to soap up their ass. Robin said that's not what you do. Howard said after he soaps up the ass and boobs he's not sure what to do next. He said it's just too much and he's not sure what to do next.
Howard said he goes back and Beth was unpacking after he shower. Howard said he asked her what she was doing and she just wanted to get that out of the way. Howard said hew went to his room and sulked. He didn't understand it. Beth then came in dressed for dinner and wanted to eat before doing anything. Howard said after dinner things happened so it was fine.
Howard said he's only good for one time a day these days. He's getting too old to do it more. Howard said they've also been together for 9 years so that slows down. Robin said that she remembers days when she was having an affair and the sex was very hot and they felt they had to do it all the time.
George said that he and Brad still don't do it all that often. They still have their Sundays but during the rest of the week it's not a regular thing. George said they did celebrate Columbus Day though.
Howard said George is with Brad all the time and he's the bread winner too. George said that Brad is very busy too though. He works hard organizing his life. Howard said he gets that but George is the one bringing home the bacon. Howard said that Brad should put out more. Howard said Brad could make things more exciting for him.
George said that he and Brad do things in the shower together. Howard asked if they do anal in there. George said they don't do that. They do other things. George said that has to be a mutual thing. Robin pointed out that Beth doesn't give Howard everything he wants either. Howard said that's true.
Howard said he was looking for some special things from Beth when she came back but she stuck to her usual routine. Howard said he's wild and wants to tie her up and hang her from the ceiling and she's not into that kind of thing.
Howard said sex is great with Beth. He said it was pretty wild. Howard said he's really not into the shower stuff since he doesn't like to be chilled. Howard said there is nothing sexy about him shaking and looking like a plucked chicken.
Howard said his body image is all off anyway. He said he works out a lot and he doesn't look anything like the guys in the magazines. Robin said she was talking about that with someone recently about how people never end up looking like the trainers who are training them.
Howard said that none of the guys who are big do any running. Howard said he thinks he's doing the wrong things. He still has a belly.
Gary said that those guys in the magazine are 30 years younger than him too. Howard said he should look halfway decent. Howard said he still has cellulite on his ass. He said that there are indentations on his ass. George said those guys work out all day long too.
Howard said he thinks that the working out is most of it and genetics are just a minor part of it. Gary said that there are a lot of chicks who come in and say they can eat anything and don't have to work out. That's genetics.
George told Howard he should get one of those shower heads that sprays you from all over so he doesn't get chilled. Howard said he had one of those and it sprayed him in the penis and stuff so he had to get rid of it.
Howard told George he went to this Kylie Minogue concert and there were a ton of gay guys there. Howard said he thinks that the single guys there were all hooking up. Howard said he would follow her around everywhere if he was gay. He said that it's a gay Mecca.
Eric told Howard that he was out in Las Vegas when Beth was at the Criss Angel show out there. Howard said Criss invited her there and then said something about her being there. He said that Beth dreads that kind of thing but it was very nice of him to say that.
Eric said Criss did a trick where he ran right past him and gave him a high five as he ran by. Howard said that's because he has the wheelchair thing going on. Eric said he was behind the front section there. Howard said that guys like that have to high five midgets. Howard said that Criss even paid for Beth's dinner out there.
Eric said that when he was out on the casino floor he was looking for Beth but he didn't see her anywhere. Howard said he went home to the hotel after that show.
Robin asked Eric what else he did in Vegas. Eric said they checked out the hotels and he played some slot machines. He won some money.
Eric told Howard that Johnny fell asleep on the other line. Howard picked up on him but Johnny was awake so they figured that he was faking his sleep so he didn't have to talk to Eric. Johnny said that Eric wants to be his manager so he's mad at him for not letting that happen. Johnny said that Eric books him at strop clubs and he doesn't want to go to strip clubs.
Johnny told Howard that a bunch of people from the show made it into Time magazine. They mentioned him, Anthony Bozza and Amber Smith in the article. Howard thanked Johnny for the call after that. Howard was going to let them go but Johnny wanted to know if they were ever going to play his interviews. Howard said he would get to them today. He let Johnny go after that. Howard let Eric go too. Eric thanked him for taking his call.
Howard said Eric has some way with a story. He said it was fascinating that he didn't get to meet Beth but heard she was at the show. Then he said that Johnny was asleep on the phone and Johnny wasn't asleep. Howard also asked Robin if she knew any of the names that Johnny mentioned in the Time magazine story. Robin told Howard he hung up too slow with that call. Howard asked if anyone wished they were on vacation after that phone call. He got a lot of laughter from the guys.
Howard said Bianca was so happy to see Beth. Howard said it's a whole different story when he's alone with Bianca. He said she doesn't beg and she doesn't come in the bedroom to bother him. He said all rules go out the window when Beth is there. Robin said it reminds her of the movie ''The Miracle Worker'' with Helen Keller. Howard said that's exactly what it's like.
Howard said Beth came home and the dog was on the bed snoring on his head. He said the dog didn't bother him at all while she was away. Robin said the dog knows that Beth isn't going to yell at her if she does something wrong. Howard said Beth was in a nightie rolling around on the floor with the dog and it was everything he imagined doing with her but she was doing it with the dog instead of him.
Howard said he had pictures of Beth rolling around on the floor with the dog and they looked like they were going at it. Howard said Robin would die if she saw this. Bobo said he knows he would die.
Bobo asked Howard if he has a hot tub. Howard said he doesn't have one. He did put a big tub in his apartment when he was single. He figured he was going to get a lot of action in there. The tub was so big it took an hour to fill up. Howard said when Beth saw it she told him the tub was too big and she would never use it. Howard said that he told Beth that they could do stuff in there but when he told her to fill it up in the morning and just go in it later she wouldn't do it. Howard said she was grossed out by the water just sitting there all day long.
Bobo asked Howard to play a prank call that they made to a deli with Artie's voice mails when he's called in sick. Howard played that a short time later. George had never heard it before. He laughed his ass off when he heard it.
Howard said the calls are great and Artie has told them that he was never once sick. Howard said that you wonder if Artie is really sick today or if he's on drugs. He said you just don't know with him. Robin said that it would be great if Artie actually was sick.
The caller wanted to know how Artie deals with the hecklers. Howard did an impression of Artie answering that question for her. She also asked if Artie still needs an assistant. Howard answered that one too. He joked that he was high as a kite as he was answering that.
Robin said that Artie still has that court thing hanging over him. She asked if there are stipulations for him not to do certain things. Howard said Artie can't drive for 7 months. He doesn't believe that's the case though. Robin said that he almost slipped and said he drove somewhere the other day. Robin said they'll take him right to jail if he does get caught doing that.
The woman asked if Howard had any games to play. She lost her job last month. Howard said he might be able to do it later. She was willing to hold but Howard told her that he'd just give her one question and get it over with quickly.
Howard asked Gary why he didn't give him the CDs so he can play games. Gary said that he had 3 different games. Howard said he wants the CDs on his said of the console. Gary tried to explain it to him but Howard stopped him and told him to just give him the games.
Howard played a question they asked an Amish guy. The question was ''Who wrote Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn?'' Howard said that he thinks the guy is going to know the answer. Howard figured that they would study that kind of stuff. Howard played the answer and the guy didn't know the answer. Howard said that was a test question for the woman.
Howard played the next one that was ''Who is the Al Qaeda leader that is wanted for his involvement in 9/11?'' Howard asked the caller if she thinks the guy will know that answer. She said she thinks that he will because they're not that sequestered. Howard said he thinks that everyone on the planet knows that. Howard played the guy's answer and he said ''bin Laden.'' The woman won $711 courtesy of 7-Eleven.
The woman asked Robin if she still has her assistant. Robin said that Captain Dennis is still with her but he experienced her first meltdown this weekend. Robin said that he rearranged her A/V equipment over the weekend and nothing was working when she went to watch some TV. She said that she tried to stay calm but she wasn't able to. She told Dennis that her TV wasn't working and he tried to explain it to her and she lost it with him.
Robin said she did apologize to Dennis the next day. Howard said Dennis isn't long for the world if that's the way she's treating him now. He figured that he's going to get out of there soon if he has to deal with that. Robin said that he tried to call her later and smooth things over but she said that didn't help.
Robin said that they ended up saving some people on Sunday when they were out. Howard said Robin can be very tough to deal with. Robin said that she tells these guys how she wants things to work and gets it down to one remote control and this time she had 7 laid out. She said that the one that was supposed to work wasn't working at all. Howard said he had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and said that George Takei was sitting in. Howard said George announced that he just did the Newlywed Game with Brad for this new version of the game show. Howard said that Carnie Wilson is the host of that game.
Howard had Carnie on the phone so he got to her and said he doesn't know why he's not the host of that game. He asked if he should be the host and Carnie quickly said ''No!'' She told him that there's a lot of stuff that he'd have to learn to do it. Howard said it can't be that hard. Carnie said that Howard would probably do very well at it.
Howard said he would love to host the Dating Game or something like that. He said he would just do it seriously and not inject his personality like Richard Dawson did with Family Feud. Howard said he's looking to lighten his load and not be spontaneous.
Howard asked Carnie what kind of money she gets to do that show. She said it's pretty good money. She said that the show is on the Game Show Network (GSN). Howard asked if she's making over $250,000. She said she's now allowed to say.
Howard asked how many shows they do. She said they just shot 65 in 14 days. She said that's good for half a year. Howard said she must be making half a million a year at least. George said she has to be making at least that much.
Howard said that if she's working 14 days and making $250,000 a year that's great. Carnie said they shoot 5 shows a day and it's not that easy.
Howard said that George was telling them that Carnie had ballooned up again. George said that she's just plump and she's a strong advocate for losing weight. Carnie said she just had another kid so that's part of it. Howard asked her why she would get the gastric bypass and then balloon up again. Carnie said that the timing didn't work out like that. She didn't know she was going to do things like this.
Howard said Carnie had postpartum depression as well. He said that she became an alcoholic too after her pregnancy. Carnie said that she has not had any drugs in 5 years. She said that she hasn't even had any alcohol in that time. Howard asked Carnie if she went to AA. She said that she is heavily into that 12 step program.
Howard asked Carnie if she believes MacKenzie's story about her dad. Carnie said that's a mess and she said it's sad that it's happening now that John is dead. Howard asked if she believes her. Carnie said that she does. She said it makes her want to throw up and it's horrible to think about. She said she's trying to stay out of it because it is so messy. Carnie said that if anything positive comes out of it coming out then it's good but it's really a mess.
Howard said that he thinks that Carnie could write a book too with all of the stuff she's been through. Howard asked her what her weight is up to now. She said she's up at 200 right now. She said that she knows that when she's 150 she's really thin looking. She ended up arguing with herself during that. Howard told her that she should weigh 110 pounds and she'd be gorgeous. Robin said she should weigh what she wants.
Howard said that Carnie was drunk the time she did Playboy. Carnie said that she looked good back then and it was the best spread she ever did.
Howard asked Carnie how she got fat again after having her stomach stapled. She said she's been up and down. She went down for a while but then she got pregnant again and the weight shot up. She said she just wants to get back down to a size 8 and she'll be fine. Howard said that she says that she gets sexually aroused when she eats donuts.
Howard asked if she's getting any dick. Carnie said she is but not that much because she has a 4 month old at home.
Howard asked where they shot the Newlywed Game. She said it was done in New York but they're moving it out to L.A. Howard said that he's pretty sure that George and Brad didn't win on their episode based on how they did on the Newlyweird Game they did on his show. Howard said that they apparently know nothing about each other.
Carnie said they had a great time with George and Brad. She said they were very funny. Howard said that hey only blow each other. George said that they were given a list of words they can't say on the show and he ended up saying dick. Carnie said that they were great and it was hysterical talking to them.
Howard said on the old show they had the lamest gifts. Howard said they had washer and dryer combos or a refrigerator. He said they'd bring out this awful living room set.
Howard asked what they played for on the show George was on. George said that it was for a charity and it was for $10,000. Howard said he's pretty sure that George and Brad didn't win. George said that everyone has to tune in to find out.
George and Carnie talked about some of the stuff they were doing on the show and how this is the first time a gay couple has been on the Newlywed Game. Carnie said she wants more gay couples to come on. She said she'd like it to be all queens. She said she'd be fine with lesbian couples too.
Howard asked Carnie how she thinks she's looking these days. Carnie said that she definitely has some chunk on her. George said that she still looks great though. Howard said that's not what he was saying earlier in the show.
Howard took a call from Irish John who asked Carnie if she fucked Bobby Brown on that Going Country show she was on. Carnie laughed. She told a story about how Bobby had shown his enormous black dick on the show. She said that she saw it and it was the biggest thing she had ever seen and it was soft. Then he farted in her face. She said that was as close to his package that she ever got.
Carnie said that Bobby was so huge it looked like an elephant. John asked her what it tasted like. Carnie said that was very funny. Howard said he's not sure how Carnie didn't win that show. She said it was the first reality show that showed her the way she really is. She said they had a good time doing that show.
Howard took another call from a guy who said he had gastric bypass surgery too and he thinks that Carnie is still drinking and doing drugs. Carnie said that she wouldn't be able to be the great mother that she is if she was. Carnie said that's absurd.
Carnie said that she's been 5 years without a drink or a joint and she's very proud of that. She said that if they really knew her they'd know that's the way she talks. The caller apologized for saying that if that's the case.
Another caller said that they should play the clip of High Pitch Eric eating since Carnie always has excuses for eating and getting fat. Carnie said she didn't have any excuses. The caller also asked how much people would have to pay to never hear Ralph or King of All Blacks off the show. Howard said they might have to pay an additional 5 bucks a month. The caller said he thinks that would work.
Carnie said she can't believe the way people cut you down even when you're so willing to talk about this stuff. Robin told Carnie about the SternFanNetwork and how hateful the ''fans'' are on that site. Howard said he can't even go on a site that's supposed to be his fans.
Another caller said he thinks Carnie is wonderful. He said he used to live near her and her dog got stuck in his yard and he helped it out and never got a thank you. Carnie didn't know anything about what the guy was talking about.
Carnie thanked the guy and said that she accidentally ran over that dog and killed it when she was pregnant. She said she's still not over that.
Howard gave Carnie some more plugs for the Newlywed Game that airs tonight on the Game Show Network. Howard told her to come in there sometimes so he can see her. She told George to take care and Howard let her go.
George told Howard that he gave her a lot of abuse during that call. He said that she is very heavy but Howard was rough on her. Howard said that gastric bypass surgery is the wrong way to go. He said you have to figure out why you can't lose it yourself before you go in for that surgery.
George said that Lisa did a promo where she did this horrible stereotype accents that reminded people about the World War II kind of thing. She said that was after he did her a favor. He said he was aghast after hearing that. He said he thought that she was much more sophisticated than that. George said he called her and told her that he was upset with that and it was bringing them back to the World War II days.
Howard had some audio clips of Lisa talking about George in a promo that she was doing for her book. Howard played that and asked if that's what he was upset about. George said that's what it was and there was something else she did that upset him. Howard said that calling him a Jap was like using the N-word with him. George said that's what it's like.
George told Howard how rough things were in World War II when they were locked up in the internment camps and how tough things were when they got out. George said that's why this hurt him so much.
Howard played a couple of new Robin song parodies after that. He had one from Little Mikey and some others from some other people. They had a bunch about her 34 Gs.
Another caller asked George if he thinks he could take William Shatner in a fight. George said that Bill Shatner is 79 or so. Howard said that's insane. He said he does look pretty good. George said his fat keeps his wrinkles from showing. Howard asked if he thinks that he's had any face lifts done. George said that it's the fat that makes him look thin. He said that he also has a layer of fat over his eyes and that's why he has teary eyes all the time. He had Robin cracking up with his comments.
Howard asked George if he could take Shatner in a fight. George said he is a good wrestler (because he wrestles Brad before sex) so he could take him. Then George started laughing his ass off thinking about wrestling William Shatner. Howard mentioned something about sticking it in his ass while he was doing that and George laughed like a crazy person.
Howard asked George about what kind of fight he would be willing to do against Shatner. He said he would do some MMA or maybe a fencing thing. Howard said that he could probably arrange something like that. Howard asked George if he would be up for that. George said he would be. Howard asked if he would do it nude. George told him to check with Bill first.
Howard asked George if he has ever been in a fist fight. George said that he hasn't. Fred said they might need longer rounds in a fight because George might not be able to fuck Shatner that quickly.
The caller asked George what his problems are with Shatner. George said that Bill does stuff to get the spotlight on him like coming out and saying that he wasn't invited to his wedding when he was invited.
Howard said maybe Shatner is jealous of the success George has. He said that might be tough for his ego. George said that Bill keeps busy so he doesn't think it's that.
The caller told Howard he should make that interview thing happen with George and Bill. Howard said he doesn't think it ever will happen.
Lisa said that they have a story about Scott the Engineer going out to Vegas to do the DJ guest appearance at this night club called Pure. Howard said that Scott is the worst DJ out there and he can't be doing this. Lisa said that Scott has to learn how to use a bunch of new equipment and he's been booked to do two more weekends already. They've looked into Scott's past with other DJs like Jim Kerr from WPLJ. They say that Jim Kerr told them that Scott was a great DJ when he worked with him.
Lisa said that Jim Kerr is working there and he still sounds great. Howard said that this business is really shitty and people make a big deal out of it when a guy can do any format. He said that it's just a shitty business to work in. That led to him doing his Allison Steel impression for a few minutes. He used to work with her at K-Rock so he had her rap down. George said he would listen to that show if Howard did it that way.
Howard continued to do the Allison Steel poetry that she used to do on her show. Howard said that she was a character and that she was out of her mind too. Howard said he sat there and watched her do her thing on the air a couple of times. He said she would do her shtick and he wondered if she was actually live on the air doing it.
Howard said he saw a show out in Vegas called Zootopia and they had a drag queen doing a thing kind of like Allison Steel. He said he was like the host of this Cirque Du Soleil thing and he did something similar to what Allison Steel did. He said he wanted to throw up hearing what he was saying though.
George said that he and Brad saw that show too. He said he thought it was pretty sexy. Howard said that it reminded him of what George said about wrestling with Brad because they do that in the play. Howard said the guys were wrestling and pushing each other away and then embracing. George said that they don't push each other away.
Lisa got back to her news preview and had a story about some people think that Stuttering John making a fool out of Gennifer Flowers helped Bill Clinton get elected. Howard said that he and Fred are going to work on a curriculum that includes the show in history. They spent a minute on that and then went to break.
Howard came back and sang along to the Zeppelin song a little bit. He then went on to talk about the Oprah Winfrey show where she got Mike Tyson to cry. Howard said she's really good at getting people to cry. He said that Mike's daughter recently died so they put up a big picture of her and Mike broke down crying. He also starts crying when they bring up Cus D'Amato.
Howard played some of that interview where Mike broke down crying. Oprah was asking him about Cus D'Amato dying and how that affected him. Mike broke down and wasn't able to speak during that. Oprah continued to ask him about it even though Mike was tearing up. Mike spoke about Cus and what he meant to him. He said he was like a god to him and then started to cry. Mike talked about how he would ask Cus how to beat some of the great fighters. He was barely able to make it through that.
Howard said that Oprah just kept on going through that even while Mike was crying. Howard said that she went on to make it worse when she showed a picture of his daughter. Howard said that he's not sure what Mike was even out there promoting.
Howard said he's asked Mike to come in there and he seems to toy with the idea but then he backs out. Howard said he thinks it would be interesting if he did come in. Howard said he wouldn't fuck with Mike Tyson if he did have him in. He wouldn't make fun of that tattoo on his face or anything.
Howard played the audio of Oprah asking Mike about his daughter's death and Mike ended up crying during that too. He said he didn't want to know what happened to her. Mike said that he thought about going into this place and just start blasting them. Mike said that he has to be responsible and not do that though. Mike said that if he does hear how it happened then there will be someone to blame and he doesn't want that.
Howard said he's not sure if he should keep playing this stuff. He did. Oprah just keeps going in for the kill and keeps asking Mike about his ''little angel'' and makes him cry even more. Howard said he thinks that Oprah's little angel is Julia Childs. That's why she keeps eating.
Belzer told Howard not to lose any more weight. He's getting too thin. Howard said that Belzer is too thin too. Belzer weighs just over 140 pounds and he's 6'1'' tall. Howard said that's too thin.
Howard said that Belzer's character John Munch has been on a bunch of different shows. He's been on 10 different shows. He rattled off all of the names of the shows he's been on and couldn't remember 3 of them. He said that it's the same character every time. He's been doing the character since 1993. Howard did some quick math and figured that it had been 16 years.
Howard said Belzer is critical of NBC because his time slot got moved because of Jay Leno's show being put in the time slot. Belzer's show is now on at 9 instead of 10. Belzer said that there are thousands of people out of work just based on that Leno show being put in that time slot.
Belzer said that he got in a lot of trouble last year when he was at this convention where they promote TV shows. He said one reporter asked him what he thought of Jay Leno's show being put on at 10 next fall. Belzer said he said something that got him into trouble with NBC. He said he thought it was going to put a lot of people out of work. He said he doesn't blame Jay for that though. Belzer said that it's not Jay, it's a business decision that NBC made. Belzer said they were saying they were going to save tons of money by doing this.
Howard said that the dramas are syndicated and they bring in a big audiences so that's a good thing for the networks. Belzer said that they do 40 weeks a year with Jay's show so they don't need the reruns. Belzer said he's very luck to have this show and he's done very well over the years. He said that things have gotten really bad on the networks with all of the reality shows though.
Howard asked Belzer if he's praying for Jay's show to fail. Belzer said he doesn't pray at all. Howard asked if he wants it to fail or not. Belzer said he's afraid to say because of NBC. Belzer said that he doesn't want Jay to fail at all. Howard said that he doesn't have to stick up for Jay. He said he's not his friend now. Belzer then jokingly said ''fuck Jay'' and he hopes his show does fail.
Howard asked Belzer if he defends Roman Polanski. Belzer said he absolutely does not. He said the guy did some bad things and no one should be defended just based on the movies he made. Belzer said the guy fucked a child and shouldn't be forgiven for that.
Howard asked Belzer if he has ever seen Roman Polanski in France since he lives over there. Belzer was having some trouble with his voice so he had to take a drink first. Belzer said that he had met him over there. He said he saw him back stage at a concert and he was gracious to him but didn't get all buddy buddy with him. Belzer said he didn't make it his business to sidle up to him.
Howard said he's worried about Richard's health based on the noises he was making. Richard said they were just allergies but they sounded really bad.
Howard asked Richard why he doesn't go on Jay's show if he's friends with him. Belzer said that he doesn't even remember the last time he was on. Howard asked how he's his friend if he doesn't have him on the show. Belzer said he doesn't need his show. He said he doesn't hate jay, he's just indifferent.
Belzer said that Howard did get him to admit he was molested by a Rabbi. He might be able to get him to admit he doesn't like Jay. Howard asked George if he knew this stuff. Of course he didn't so Belzer told him that he was 5 years old when this happened and gave him some details about the guy playing with his penis. He said no one believed him either.
Howard asked Belzer more about the molestation but Belzer said that no one wants to hear that. Howard said he did. Howard found out that Belzer hated his mother because she was so abusive to him. Belzer joked that his wife now has to dress as a Rabbi to get him to sleep at night.
Belzer described how the Rabbi molested him in class but the rest of the class couldn't see what was going on. Howard said maybe he was checking to see if he was circumcised. Belzer said doing it every day would be a little bit out of control.
George was molested too but he was 14 at the time. Belzer said that being homosexual and molesting is not the same thing. He just wanted that to be clear. Howard wasn't sure why he had to clarify that.
Howard asked Belzer about the tattoo he had on him. He had one that said ''Love'' and a couple of others. He showed Howard some of the others too and told him he has a picture of Jerry Lewis on him. Howard didn't believe that one. He wanted him to show him. Belzer said he just got that one this weekend. He said that he's his hero so that's why he got that one. Howard told Belzer to show it but he said it was fresh this weekend and he didn't want to roll up the shirt.
Howard took a look at the tattoo and it really was Jerry Lewis. Howard said that was bizarre. Robin said that he was for real and couldn't believe it. Howard couldn't believe it was Jerry Lewis and told Belzer that he's a weirdo.
Belzer told Howard that back when he was younger he had taken a quaalude and went out to a bar drinking. He said he was walking home when this guy pulled up to him and asked him if he wanted a ride. Fred threw in a car driving sound as he was telling the story. Belzer said the guy asked him if it was okay if he stopped at his house for a minute. It wasn't on the way home though. Belzer said he kind of laid down on the seat and kind of fell asleep because he had taken a sleeping pill. The guy who was giving him the ride had gone down on him and he got up in the middle of it and said ''I believe this is my stop.'' Belzer said that they were in the guy's driveway when he woke up.
Belzer said that he was unconscious so he's not sure if it was a mutual thing at the time. He said he's glad it happened though. Belzer said that he felt bad for the guy at the time too. Belzer said he woke up and said ''Excuse me... this is my stop.''
George asked how old he was. Belzer said he was like 22 years old at the time. George said that he must have been cute at the time.
Belzer asked where Artie was. Howard said that Artie is out sick but he's said in the past that when he calls in sick, he's not really sick. Howard said he thinks that he's legitimately sick this time. He said they're hoping that he really is sick and nothing else is wrong. Howard said he may not be feeling well for real. That's what they're hoping.
Howard said he heard Belzer on a show talking about his Kennedy conspiracy theory. He said it was a wild theory too. Belzer told Howard he had a story about why the economy is such a mess and gave him the explanation. He said that they had to convince people that the federal reserve was a public thing and it really wasn't. He said that John F. Kennedy came up with the idea to end the idea of central banks and that's why he was assassinated. Howard said that's ridiculous. Howard asked Belzer who ''they'' are. Belzer said that it's the bankers. Howard said he doesn't have any evidence to prove that though. He said he can't just say stuff like that.
Belzer said that he has written books and he has proven it. He said he thinks that he has proven it in his own way.
Howard said that Belzer has a book out called ''I Am Not a Psychic!: A Novel'' and his first book has been optioned to be a TV show. Howard asked Belzer how much money he gets for something like that. Belzer said it's really not a lot of money.
Howard said that Belzer will be signing copies of his book on Thursday at Barnes and Nobel in Lincoln Center. Howard asked if there is a rabbi that fondles a young boy in this book. Belzer said there is but it is not him.
Howard told George about Belzer being dropped on his head by hulk Hogan many years ago. Belzer said he was put in a chin lock sleeper hold and then dropped on his head and had blood gushing out. He ended up getting up and said ''we'll be right back'' after that.
Belzer said that he sued over that and ended up moving to France on that money. Howard said that Belzer has made a whole stand-up act about that and he did it in an HBO special he did a few years ago.
Howard asked Belzer what he makes of this whole Letterman thing. Belzer said that Dave might have real problems at home but he think he's handling it brilliantly. He said he's sure that people have a problem with it but the girl wasn't a teenager when she was with Dave.
Howard said that Dave brought the girl with him on vacations. He said that was pretty wild. Belzer said they don't know what happened on that vacation.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Richard if he gets a boner working with that Marishka chick. Belzer was joking around about that and it didn't sound like he does.
Another caller asked Belzer if he has any trouble finding vegetables in France like Robin did. Belzer said they have the best vegetables over there. Robin said that she was at little restaurants and she had to eat what they served so that's what she was complaining about. Belzer said that they are very hospitable over there and they would have given her some if she had asked for them. Belzer told her to stay out of France if she has a problem then.
High Pitch Eric called in and told Belzer that every Tuesday he watches him on TV. Belzer said that he's on Wednesdays. Eric said they moved it to Tuesday. Belzer insisted it was Wednesday but eventually caved in to Eric's demand that it was moved to Tuesdays.
Eric was planning on going down to see Belzer at his book signing so he asked if he could get a picture. Belzer said that would be fine. Howard let Eric go after that.
Belzer told Howard he has a new sport that he's come up with. He said he would get a bunch of guys with tight bodies and have them dress in really tight clothes. then they'd play with this ball that looks like an uncircumcised penis and the guys all wrestle around with it on the ground. George said he would watch that. Howard said if he pitched that idea he'd probably be arrested.
Howard wrapped up with Belzer and gave him some more plugs for his book and the book signing he was going to do later in the week. Belzer said he will stick around and sign every book that people want signed.
Howard asked Belzer about his marriage and how long he and his wife are apart. Belzer said that his wife is in France and the marriage is great because they're not together all the time. He said they're still madly in love and they still get along just fine. Belzer said he's too afraid to have an affair with any other person. They went to break a short time later.
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Howard came back and said he had to go right on the air with this. He said that Jay Leno has ripped off stuff from the show before and he has something new. He said that he was handed something where they had a chicken pick the games of the week. Howard said they did that years ago. Howard said Jay would say that he didn't invent that. Howard asked if Jay is just a scumbag or what?
Howard said they had the chicken make predictions in a football pool just like they did on their show. Howard said maybe Stuttering John wrote that bit. Howard said that this guy has ripped off like 10 major things from his show. Howard said they did that chicken thing for years and they had a monkey do it too.
Howard told Gary to send a tape to Jay personally of them picking football picks from the show to show him what a dick he is. They had Sanders the Chicken on the show years ago doing the football picks. Howard told Gary to send a note with it that says ''I bet Steve Allen invented this too... you fucking con man!''
Howard said there's a XXX rated version of Batman coming out. He read about that and said that it's going to be a porn parody for Vivid Entertainment. Howard said they're going to have Batman, Robin and the Riddler in the movie. Robin said it's just a spoof though. Howard said he's not sure about that. Howard read that they are doing to be doing it based on the campy 1960s version of Batman.
Howard said that Richard used to go to concerts and he'd wear a diaper so he wouldn't miss any of the songs. He just read about a guy at a KISS concert who peed on another person at the concert because he didn't want to go to the bathroom. That guy was arrested.
Howard said that Jimmy Kimmel is dating his head writer and people are asking why he can do that and Letterman gets in trouble for what he does. Howard said that Jimmy isn't cheating on his wife and there have been relationships like this in the past like Ricky and Lucy.
Howard said he's not sure if Jimmy is dating the head writer but he is dating someone he works with. Howard said he knew that before but he's really not sure if he's allowed to say anything about that kind of stuff.
Howard read that Sarah Silverman is dating someone too and he hasn't heard from her lately so he's not sure about that either.
Howard read that a couple was arrested for making their 8 year old eat a bar of soap. He said that Greg Fitzsimmons was on the show talking about washing his kid's mouth out with soap but he doesn't think he made the kid eat it. Howard said that making the kid eat the soap is really bad. George said there has to be better ways to talk to a child about things instead of making them eat soap.
Howard said there was another cartoon he saw where Lex Luthor turns people against Batman and Superman. That one was good but then there was this Green Lantern cartoon that was really good.
Howard said he loves vampire movies and he rented this one called Wolvesbain. He said it was awful. Howard explained what the movie was about and how it was werewolves vs. vampires. He said it turned out to be awful.
Howard said he's been watching the Vampire Diaries every week but he's getting fed up with that. He said that the vampires are walking around in daylight and it's really annoying. George said he doesn't get the whole vampire thing at all.
Howard said Beth wanted to watch a romantic movie of some kind so they rented this Jennifer Aniston movie. He said that movie was called Management. He said that the description sounded okay but the movie turned out to be the most horrible movie he had ever seen. Howard wondered how she gets to make movies after being in so many bad ones. Robin said that it's based on recognition.
Howard asked George if he can watch a movie between a man and a woman. George said he grew up watching movies like that so he could do that. He said he would see movies with gay characters too though.
Howard asked George if he would have liked the Odd Couple if Felix blew Oscar. George said he might like to do a show like that.
Howard said he was reading a story about the whole Leno thing. He said that he's not sure who is taking their stuff and ripping them off. Howard said they're major elements from the show and he doesn't even get a writer's fee for it.
Howard said this article he was reading in the NY Times said that NBC is having a tough time with this decision on what to do with the Leno show. The show is cheap to produce and they're making money with it. The problem is that it's not alone and it's part of the network. He said that he's dragging down the local news and Conan's rating.
Fred said that they have lost shows because of Jay's show being on in that hour. Jon Hein was in and said that they say that if he does a 1.5 rating he's still going to make the network money. Jon said they had the highest rated show with Law and Order SVU but when they moved to 9 o'clock, it dropped to number 3. He said he thinks that they will stop the bleeding by next season.
Howard told Gary to throw in some more clips from the show when he sends him the clips of the chicken picking the football pool stuff. He said he wants Jay to know just how much he's ripping off.
Steve brought up a story about Artie going out on Friday night to do the show in Detroit. He said that Artie did make it out there but didn't make it to work this morning.
Steve said that Eric the Midget left out a part of his story and his parents refused to bring him over to meet Beth out in Las Vegas. They were afraid that she was going to make fun of him. Howard said Beth wouldn't have done that and she would have been nice to him. Steve said that it was Eric's parents who refused to bring him over to meet her and Eric wasn't able to get over there himself.
Howard thanked Steve for his report and let him ago. Jon Hein then ran down his list of subjects for today's Wrap Up Show. They ended up talking about Carnie Wilson's job as a game show host and how Howard would like to have a job like that. Howard said he thinks he's be terrific at something like that. He said he really wouldn't care if he was bored doing it.
The guys also talked about Artie being out sick so Howard went around the room asking everyone if they think he's really sick. The guys were trying to be hopeful but they were thinking that he's not really sick and he might be having problems.
Benjy said he thinks that he's really sick but he might have used before and maybe he's trying to get off of the stuff again.
Jon said he thinks that Artie is exhausted from a long weekend and he might be sick. Robin said that Jon will never say what he's really thinking. She said that he thinks that he's using and he would never say that on the air. Jon said he would say that if he really thought he was on something. Jon said he really wants to believe that he's sick and he is going to believe that he's sick.
Ralph called in and said that he thinks that Artie got run down and he was doing something. He said it was a big sports weekend too so maybe that had to do with it too. Gary said that Artie shouldn't have been watching anything last night so he shouldn't have been sick today.
Howard said Artie's birthday was two days ago so maybe that had something to do with it. Ralph said he gets bummed out around his birthday so maybe he's using because of that.
Howard said he thinks that Artie isn't sick and he's just taking a day off... but he's not using... but he is using. Howard said every time he says he wasn't using it turns out that he was. Howard said he hopes he's wrong this time.
The guys talked about why Artie might be upset about turning 42. His father died around that age so Artie has outlived his father.
Jon mentioned the Lisa Lampanelli story that George told and George gave them some more details about the long conversation they had. He said that Lisa actually broke down crying when they talked. They had to go to break after that.
Robin read some details about the movies that Jennifer Aniston has been in that did make some money. She said that she has had a couple of hits. Howard said that's all you need. He said that you can make a whole bunch of shitty movies if you have a couple of hits in there.
Robin read about a baby that was denied health coverage because the baby was obese. Howard wondered if they could use magnetic beads on that kid. Robin said that the health care company eventually came around and decided to cover the kid.
Robin read about a 2 year old British baby that was accepted into Mensa. She said that the kid's IQ is estimated to be 160. Howard said that would be the greatest thing in the world to be super smart like that. Howard said he envies people who are like that and he envies this 2 year old because it's as close to having a super power as people can get.
Robin read a story about a woman who was born with half a brain who is living a full life. Robin said that she went to school and she was able to work just fine. The right half of her brain was able to adapt for the side that was lost when she had a stroke.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he saw Robin on the beach making out with a guy over the weekend. Robin said that she wasn't making out with anyone. She was out on the beach watching a surf contest like the guy said. Howard told the guy to describe the guy she was with. The caller said that Robin was making out with this guy Randy who was one of the surfers. Robin said that he's a good friend of her's but she wasn't making out with him. The caller said that she looked very comfortable with him. Robin said he's an amazing surfer. She said he's always trying to get her out there but she can't even swim.
Another caller thanked Howard for having George in this week. Howard said a lot of people love when George is in there.
Robin read a story about Paul Anka suing the Jackson estate because the new song that they just released was co-written by Anka. Howard said that they went through all of Michael's material and they found this clip of him rehearsing the song and they assumed that it was his, not knowing that Anka had co-written the song back in 1983. Howard had the audio of the song so he played that. Howard played the original version and then played the version that they're going to release. It was a more current recording than the one that was originally recorded.
Howard said he doesn't understand Michael's music. He said he doesn't mean to be disrespectful but he just doesn't get it. Robin said that her friends brought out a CD of Michael's music and she played it on her boat. She said every song was a hit and they were all great. Howard said she should have taped that scene.
Howard said he didn't get Elvis either. He said he must be out of touch or something. Fred played another Jackson song and it had the finger snapping that was just annoying Howard. He didn't get that at all either.
Robin asked Howard if he's going to go see the movie about Michael that they're putting out. Howard said he might see that. He said that the disturbing face that he had is something that we may never see in our lives again. Howard said he was a good looking black guy and he turned into a horrible looking white woman as one comedian said.
Robin read about how a college has told David Letterman to keep his hands off of their interns. Robin said that they are having second thoughts about sending their interns over there. Howard said they should send them over to his show instead. Howard said that they don't have problems like that there.
Howard said he's pretty sure that they'll never have him back on Letterman's show. He said that he's not looking to get on there but he's pretty sure that he won't be on ever again. Robin said it might be okay in a few years. Robin said that David Duchovny will never come on their show again because he made it impossible for Howard not to ask about his problems. That's what Dave has done to Howard now too.
Howard said that those girls must have been really comfortable on that sofa bed that Dave had. Fred played some bed squeaking sounds as Howard was goofing on that.
Robin read a story about women who are taking the pill and how they opt for more effeminate men who look like themselves. Howard said he likes that and he'd like Beth to be on the pill. He said he couldn't ask his wife to take that pill though. He said it can't be good for you. Robin said she took it in the past but didn't take it for very long.
Robin said that women who are not on the pill like more masculine features. Howard said he always wondered why women on the pill went for him. He said that he has a very feminine look.
Robin read a story about Rolling Stone magazine putting out a list of songs to inspire peace. That led to the guys talking about Obama getting the Nobel Peace Prize and how odd that was. Obama hasn't really done anything yet. Even Obama said it was weird that he got it.
Robin had the list of songs on the Rolling Stone magazine list. Howard tried to guess what was on the list before she read it. He didn't really know of any though. Robin ended up playing a bunch of clips of the songs on the list and Howard thought they were kidding about some of them. Robin read through a couple more stories before Howard had to take another break.
After the break Howard played a couple of edited George Takei audio clips where they had him saying all kinds of nice things about Osama bin Laden.
Robin got back to her news and read about some of the people who are for and against Rush Limbaugh owning a football team. Robin had some audio of people talking about how they should let him try it just to see how hard it is being a team owner.
Robin read about how 3 people who were first responders at ground zero in 9/11 who have died of cancer this past weekend. Robin said that all 3 were first responders. Howard said that's some scary stuff. Robin said that they need federal funding to help out with this stuff. She had some audio of Mayor Bloomberg talking about that.
Robin read some news about the talks the U.S. and Russia are having over nuclear arms. She had some audio of Hillary Clinton talking about that.
Robin read about Arnold Schwarzenegger signing a bill that will recognize same sex marriages as being legal. George said that's kind of late because the Supreme Court already said that they will stand. Robin said they're going to recognize other states marriages as well.
Robin read about the auctioning off of some items that were owned by Barbra Streissand. Howard said he has a lot of garbage he could pawn off to the public too. Robin said that this money is going to a charity that Streissand has.
Robin said that there is an auction where they have some of Elvis' hair for sale. Howard said that's disgusting and wondered why anyone would want that. Robin said they also have some of his clothing and other memorabilia. The hair may have been from when he got his crew cut in 1958.
Robin had some audio of some Yankee fans talking about their hope for another championship. Robin also had some movie updates from the weekend. She had the box office takes for the movie Couples Retreat which made $33.5 million. Robin said that Paranormal also made 7.1 million. Howard said that one looks too scary for him to see. They ended the show a short time later, right around 11:00am.
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Jon said that he thinks that he is sick. He asked Gary what he thinks. Gary said that Artie would say that his track record is horrendous and he told them in his book that he was never sick when he called in before. He said that he wants to believe that he's sick and tired but his history doesn't bode well so he's on the fence.
Jon said that Artie has planted the seeds of doubt in all of them. Benjy said he thinks that it's about the birthday but he might really be sick. He said that maybe he did some drinking and it ran him down and he feels like crap. He said he thinks that this is the physical manifestation of the depression about the birthday.
George gave his thoughts on why Artie might be out and said that maybe he is genuinely ill. Jon said that they may know if Artie comes in tomorrow.
Gary said he drives in every morning and he didn't get a call from Artie. He said he got the message and he's thinking that he found out how to make it go directly to voice mail. He said that maybe Artie did that because he wanted the voice mail to make it to the air.
Gary asked George if any comedian could joke about him being in the internment camps and would he find it amusing. George said he's not sure if that would happen. He said he'd like to hear it. George said that the use of the word ''Jap'' is very hurtful to him and anyone who was in the internment camps. He said that it's really like the N-word to them.
Gary said he wanted Will to come in and let them know if Lisa told them that she cried when she called George. He said that Lisa made it seem like it wasn't that big of a deal and she made light of it. George said that her crying really touched him.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he loves it when George is on the show. He said he loves his voice. The caller said he wishes that he could come on the show even more often. George said that he'll do what he can but if Artie is avoiding him then maybe he should avoid coming in more often.
Benjy asked George what's more offensive, the word Fag or the word Jap. George said they're both equally as offensive. He said that they're killer words. Benjy said that he figures that he'd be against putting gays in internment camps then.
Will came in so Gary asked him about the Lisa Lampanelli crying thing. Will said he's pretty sure she told them about that. She was very upset about offending George.
George said that the word Jap isn't heard as often now but there are other words that people used to describe Arabic people and people like that. Gary said he's heard those words from some comedians on the show. Like Sal. George said that some people don't know how painful and hurtful those words can be.
Jon said that he's never heard George laugh as hard as he did when they were talking about him wrestling with William Shatner. George said that the picture in his mind was hilarious. He said he would like to see Bill in tight Speedos.
Jon asked George if he found Bill to be an attractive man. He said he didn't because he wore a girdle and a toupee. Gary jokingly said ''What?!'' like he didn't know that he wore a toupee. George said that Bill was a magnetic actor and he was good as an actor. George said that's what made his character Captain Kirk such a great character.
Benjy asked George who he would have liked to have sleep with on the cast of Star Trek. George thought about it and said he did some of the extras that were on the show. He said that maybe Walter Koenig would be one. He said that Jimmy Doohan was a drinking buddy so he can visualize that. George said that he would say Jimmy but only because Walter is still alive and he doesn't want to have to answer to him.
A caller told the guys his theory about Artie being out is that maybe when George is in they don't need him on the show. Gary said he thinks that there is a great chemistry between Artie and George and they do need him there. Gary said he doesn't think that Artie feels that George is taking his spot. Benjy also pointed out that Artie probably didn't know that George was even coming in today. Gary said that's true and that makes it all that much stranger.
Jon asked George what he thought about Richard Belzer's thoughts on the whole Kennedy assassination theory. George said that's an imaginative theory but he doesn't believe that it's real.
Jon was also asking about Belzer being so skinny and telling Howard to gain some weight. Gary said that Belzer was very conscious about everyone's weight today. He told him that he was looking good and then told Robin she was looking good after losing weight. Then he went to Howard and told him to gain some weight.
Ralph called in and asked George if there is anyone in the Star Trek world that he has pleasured himself to on a regular basis. George said that they might not know the guys he thinks about. He said there was a stunt guy he did. George said that he doesn't think about Shatner at all. He said he was never sexually attracted to him at all. Ralph giggled and said that he loves George's voice.
Ralph asked George when he thinks Shatner started wearing the girdle. George said he knew in the second season of Star Trek. You might even be able to see them in the old shows if you look very carefully.
Ralph asked when the toupee went on. George said that it was also in the second season. He said that he used to wear a baseball cap to work every day too.
Gary said that Charles Grodin wears a wig too and he would put it on in a room that was just for putting on the wig. He won't do it in front of anyone.
George told a story about some guy he knew who wore a toupee and then a wig over that in a play he was in. Ralph heard that and did a ''mmm'' as if he were George. He loves that voice.
Jon let Ralph go and asked George about the Newlywed Game. He asked if he was offended when Howard said that they had no chance of winning. George said that he's not offended because that's what happened there. Gary said that he should have been more offended when Howard plunked down the button and told Carnie that George had said she had gotten fat. George said he never did say that word. He said that she was Rubenesque. He also said that she was an advocate for losing weight. Jon pointed that out. George said that 80 percent of this country is obese so it's a huge number and Carnie has pointed that out.
Gary said that George is so nice and you're always surprised when he says something like that. George said that she's well aware of her weight and he didn't think that she'd be offended by him bringing it up.
Gary said that they used the trick scale in the studio on Carnie one time. She said that she was down to 130 pounds and they walked her in and stuck her on the scale in the studio and she had no idea that she was standing on the scale. Howard saw that she was actually 147 pounds. Gary said that she took it well but she whispered in his ear that they were ''fucking evil'' as he was walking her to the couch.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he saw an episode of The Twilight Zone that George was in and it was banned from TV. George said that's true and he told the guys about the character he played and how he was brought back to war and his character's father was signaling the Japanese fighters that attacked Pearl Harbor. George said that the Japanese citizens asked CBS to stop showing that episode so they did. Gary said he has the box set and it should be on that one. George said that the episode is called ''The Encounter.'' George said that was before star Trek so it was probably 1963 or 64. George said he got crap from the Japanese community too but he tried to explain that it was just a TV show and it was The Twilight Zone which is all fantastical stuff.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked Gary if there is any way they could book William Shatner for the show when George is in. Gary said they have tried but Shatner isn't interested in doing that. George said that he would do an interview with Bill but he wants to do it on neutral turf. He said he doesn't want to do it on Bill's turf like Bill wants him to. George said he was under the impression that they were going to contact the show and do something there but he's not sure where that stands. Jon asked George about Belzer's tattoo. George said that he thought it was fantastic. They had to go to break a short time later.
Jon asked Gary about how great it is to have George Takei on the show. Gary said it's always great to have him on. Jon said that it seems like George knows what's going on but then there are times that he just doesn't get it at all.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Gary where he thinks that Belzer stands on the ranking of comedians who are on the show. Gary said that Belzer is right up there. He said that he's been one of the most consistent guests that they've had on the show. He's been doing the show since Howard was at WNBC.
The caller said he'd like to hear Belzer on the show more. He asked if Gilbert Gottfried is going to be on again. Gary said when he wants to come in and talk about something he can come in. He said that they have to pick and choose when they have him on though. The caller said he thinks that there's something going on between Howard and Gilbert and maybe that's why he's not on so much. Gary said there's nothing going on and there are no issues.
Jon said that Howard was very pissed about the chickens picking the football picks. Gary said that Howard was pissed that maybe John gave them that idea. If he didn't then maybe John should stand up for them and say that it's been done before. Gary said that someone has to know that they did that. He said that they take it very seriously about not stealing bits like that.
Gary said that they used to have meetings about the Channel 9 show and one time one of the producers went to the bathroom and Ralph had some great ideas to do something cool on the show and when they told that producer what was going on, he said he had just seen that on Saturday Night Live the week before.
Another caller said that Ryan Seacrest got beat out on a Marconi award by some little station in South Carolina. Gary said that might matter if they cared about the Marconi award.
Gary said he has seen Robin's meltdown's before and responding to her is foolish. He said that you can't fight Robin when she gets upset.
Gary said that Mitch Fatel was in the wrong place when Robin found there was no coffee in a coffee pot one day. Another guy saw her going around screaming looking for an umbrella. He said that her tantrums are few and far between these days though.
Gary said when you work for a big celebrity you have to put up with that but you have to decide how much to put up with.
Jon asked Gary if Howard has been better since Beth came back. Gary said that Howard is still a little bit cantankerous since Beth came home.
Benjy said that Howard seems to be upset that he's not getting enough affection from Beth. Gary said he is kind of going toward that thing where they've been together so long that things just aren't the same as they were.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Gary if they have any guests coming up that haven't been on the show that haven't been on before. He doesn't like Belzer and Joan Rivers and people like that. Gary said that they have Steven Still coming in soon so that's one. The caller liked that. Gary said they have some other people coming in but he didn't have his calendar in front of him.
The caller was saying that he'd like Jon and Gary's predictions on the baseball playoffs. Gary said he would love to see Joe Torre walking around hoisting a trophy over his head in Yankee stadium. Jon said he thinks that the Phillies and Yankees will be in the series and the Phillies will take it in 6.
Another caller said he wanted to talk about Artie and how he might have some gay tendencies. He said his comedy show is about drugs and gay and it's about half and half. Gary said that's just Artie's act and he doesn't see a hint of any gayness in Artie Lange. The caller said that his whole show was filled with gayness though.
Another caller had some thoughts on why Artie might have been out. He said that he did have that show out in Detroit and the whole birthday thing may have gotten to him. Gary said that it could have triggered something in Artie seeing that paralyzed guy.
A caller asked Gary if Artie being out sick has ever gone to H.R. Gary said that this isn't the typical work environment and Howard is kind of in charge of that there. That led to the guys talking about how Sal had to go to H.R. for masturbating at work. Benjy thought that was a goof and didn't know it was serious. Gary said it was absolutely a real thing and Sal has probably been the one to go to H.R. the most for things he's done there. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show saying that George Takei was there again this morning. Howard asked George how he was doing. George asked if he had seen the Newlywed Game last night. Howard didn't see it but he did have clips. George said that they actually did win and he thanked the Newlyweird Game for that. He said the questions were very easy on the show.
George said they played against Christopher Knight and his wife Adrienne Curry. They also played against a couple from the Biggest Loser. Howard said he knows who he's talking about.
George told Howard that the other couples were good competition and they had a lot of fun doing that. He said the questions were very easy and they'd ask things like ''What's the first thing you do when you get up in the morning.'' George said they were able to answer those very easily.
George said that Brad will get up and bring green tea and a newspaper into the bed with him. Howard said he would wipe off the dry cum if it was Monday morning.
Howard said that Artie is still out sick this morning. Howard said he's not sure what's going on there. George said that he thinks he's really sick. Robin told George they used to believe too. Howard told George that he's about where he was 5 illnesses ago.
Howard played some clips from the Newlywed Game. They had some audio of Christopher Knight and Adrienne Curry. Howard asked how she's looking George said she's gorgeous but she does have a filthy mouth. George said he was aghast when he heard her off camera. Howard said she's been on his show and she did have quite a foul mouth. He said she's very sexy though. Howard said he's not sure she's a high fashion model though.
Howard said that he'd bag Adrienne. George said he would too. Howard said he didn't have to say that. George said that Brad wasn't listening this morning so he's not worried about it.
George told Howard that when he was about 9 or 10 he was able to smell when his parents had sex. He said he could smell it on his mother. Howard asked why gay men have a better sense of smell. Robin said she's never heard of such a thing before. Howard could only say ''wow'' to that.
Howard got back to the Newlywed Game clips. He played a clip where George talked about sweet talking Brad. They also talked about the things that they have gotten the most compliments on and the least compliments on in their life. Howard said he was zoning out on this game. He didn't understand what the question was. Howard said that game used to be so simple.
Howard played more of George talking about Brad and how he has changed over the years. Howard said that the questions aren't that easy. He said that he noticed that George always brings up how Brad used to be hot. He said that he has to side with Brad on this because he lets people know this wherever he goes. Howard said George is also saying that he's with him because he used to be much hotter. Howard told George that he has to stop doing that. He said he's embarrassing him.
George said that he's trying to get Brad to get back into shape. Howard said that he has to do it in a different way. He said that he's telling everyone wherever he's at. He has told them that on this show and on the Wrap Up Show and even when they're off the air.
Howard said it obviously bothers George that Brad doesn't look like he used to. George said that he's not fat but he's not as ripped as he was years ago. Howard said he thinks that George thinks about Brad the way he used to look when he's with him. George said he has to search for the ''Muscu-lature'' that he used to enjoy.
Howard asked George what it is about Brad that he doesn't like. George said he doesn't like the love handles but he does like his ass. He said his chest is kind of fleshy too and that kind of bothers him. George said he does his sit-ups and push-ups in front of him and Brad doesn't join him.
Howard said maybe he should sit him down and ask him instead of talking about it on TV shows and radio shows. George said that he has spoken to him and Brad tells him that he has become more relaxed. George said that he tells Brad that it would be good for his health to do this stuff so he'd like him to work out for him. He wants him to be healthy for him and to be around for a long time.
Howard told George that he may be getting the opposite reaction to what he wants to happen by doing it the way he is. He told him he may have to just let him be and not say anything. Howard said George is bringing it up way too much and he has to stop. He said it's like he's embarrassed. Howard said Brad has to want to do it. George asked how he can make him want to work out. Howard said he has to either leave him or drop it.
Howard told George that this guy Pierce Brosnan has a wife who used to be hot but she's really big now and he must be upset about that. Howard said he knows that it bothers George but he can't keep talking about this the way he is.
Howard asked George what Brad is doing all day long. He asked why he can't just hit the gym for an hour. George said that's what he wonders. He said that Brad is on the computer half the day scheduling him and working with his agent. Robin said he could do that from an exercise bike or something.
Howard asked George why Brad is talking to his agent instead of him. George said that's what he likes to do. George said that Brad is probably on the computer talking back and forth with his agent this morning. He said he's scheduling him and things like that as well. George said he has an appearance at Drexel university tonight and an AARP convention soon as well. Howard said he doesn't find that all that shocking.
George said he has a lot of upcoming events so Brad is taking care of that. They're going to head out to London soon too but it's too cold out for Brad to be out running. Howard said he could work out in the gym though.
George said that Brad is 55 years old and Howard told him that he should be out there working out but George can't tell him to do it. Howard told George that maybe he has to dump him. George laughed and said that this show is not good for their marriage.
George wondered if someone else should talk to Brad instead of him. Howard said that he shouldn't have anyone doing that. Howard said other people can't tell him to do that. Maybe he should speak to a nutritionist. George said that Brad eats well. Howard said he may be eating too well. George said that Brad won't even tell him how much he weighs.
Howard asked if Brad has man boobs. George said that he does. He said he used to be tight and hard though. Fred threw in a clip of George saying ''tickle my tits'' which cracked George up. George said that it's like they have every word archived there.
George said that Brad has been complaining about the cold lately. He said that it's not too cold out, it's just Fall and they're out for a walk once in a while. Howard told George to walk to Drexel University with Brad. That'll get the weight off of him.
George said that when he does speaking engagements he has to do autograph signings as well. George said that it turns into a long night. Howard said that he'd rather hear him talk about Star Trek for an hour. George said he does work that in there. Howard said he won't be going to that speech if he's going to be talking about Japanese Internment camps and all of that.
Howard sadi that those were differnet times back then. He said that maybe it's good they lokced Geroge up because he does have something to talk about now. HOward said maybe he wouldn't be the person he is now if he wasn't locked up. Geroge said that maybe he would have turned out to be a n'er do well. HOward said that he probably learned discipline in there.
Howard asdi the Brad thing doesn't sound like fun. He said that George wants him to be hot for himn again but he does have to drop it. He said he can't be out there complaining about it all the time. Geroge sadi Brad is being a good soldier and he smiles through it all.
Howard said he's pretty sure that Brad resents him saying that all the time. He said he may not say that but he probably does. Geroge said that he's going to cut back on that. Howard said if he todl BEth something like that it would level her.
Howard said Jackie claims that he wrote down ''anal'' or ''oral'' instead of including the ''sex'' part of that. He said that he wrote it down once when they were getting in trouble with the FCC and he thinks he changed the way people refer to those kinds of sex.
Howard said he had an audio clip of Jackie talking about that. In the clip Jackie brings up the anal and oral vs. anal sex and oral sex thing. Jackie told his co-host that if you look it up in the book of folklore, you'll find that Howard used to get fined for saying those things and Tom (Chiusano) would bleep them for all of that. Jackie said they would bleep them for saying anal sex or oral sex. He goes on to say that he just wrote down ''anal'' instead of ''anal sex'' and he thinks that he changed the lexicon of the American public. Jackie told his co-host to look it up and he'd find that he was the first one to write that down.
Howard said that he'll let Jackie have that. Fred said he thinks that Jackie has been alone too long. He was playing a cuckoo clock sound as Jackie was talking about that.
Howard said Billy West will call into Jackie's show but not into this show. Howard said there's a whole thing going on with Jackie and Billy. Jackie had asked to borrow the Jackie puppet for an appearance they were making. Howard said he was fine with that but when he said it was okay, Jackie called in and said he didn't want the puppet.
Howard said he thinks that Billy has a grudge against him for some reason that he hasn't filled him in on. Howard said Gary heard that Jackie and Billy are building their own Jackie puppet so they don't have to come to him for it. Howard said Billy called into the show last night and he was doing his Jackie puppet impression. He said that he's not sounding that much like Jackie anymore.
Howard played the audio of Billy doing his Jackie puppet impression. He sounded like Jackie but not like the old Jackie puppet. Howard said he's not sure what that is but it isn't the Jackie puppet.
Robin said she heard that Billy was upset about them replaying the Billy West clips during a special they ran. Howard said it's sad because he likes Billy and Jackie. Howard said he wants to thank Jackie for inventing ''anal'' and ''oral.''
Howard said that a guy wrote a song parody about George called ''George's Yellow Penis.'' He played that song which was a little strange. George seemed to enjoy it.
Howard asked George if he's ever tempted to go off with other guys. George said that there is temptation all over but he values what he has with Brad. He said that he isn't willing to cross that line because he knows the price he might have to pay.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who went off on George about the way he treats Brad. Howard asked Mariann why she would say the same thing that he had just said to George. She apologized for that but Howard hung up on her pretty quick.
Howard said that he's picked up on that with George and that's why he pointed it out this morning. George said that he tries to be sensitive to that most of the time but Howard may be right.
Howard said this guy who played Johnny Fontaine in The Godfather movie has died. Howard said that his name was Al Martino. He spent a short time talking about that character and playing a clip from The Godfather. He breaks down crying so Brando tells him ''You can act like a man!'' and he also says that he's going to make him an offer he can't refuse.
Howard remembered a chick on Melrose Place who was fired for getting pregnant because she was supposed to be the hot chick on the show. Howard said that if you're hired on your looks then you have to maintain them.
Howard read the article about the model who was fired and said that maybe she is too fat at 120 pounds. Howard said that she should just deal with it because she wasn't hired at 120 pounds.
Howard read another article about a guy who heard voices in his house and he ended up finding a homeless guy in his closet getting high. Next to that guy was a dead guy. Howard said they were apparently doing some narcotics in there. They arrested the guy who was still alive.
Howard read about this Christie Brinkley case that's still in court. Howard said he thought it was all over already but they just settled. Howard said Christie looks good but she must have had a face lift or something. He said that she looks amazing for her age. She doesn't have a wrinkle on her face but she doesn't look odd like a lot of face lifted people do.
Howard wondered how old Christie was. He figured she must be in her 50s. George said that's the way a 50 something person should look. Howard said ''That's right... Brad.''
Howard said they have more David Letterman stuff in the paper. Howard said that there are schools that are going to be more careful about the interns they send over to Letterman's show. Howard said that they were talking about that on a news program and his name came into it somehow. Howard said they never have any problems with interns there so he's not sure why they're bringing up his name.
Howard played the clip where this reporter was talking about Letterman and how they're going to have trouble getting interns from this one school. Then this woman brings up how Howard Stern has interns like it was related in some way. Howard said they wish they could pin this on him. He said they'd have a field day with that if they had something on him. He said that no one is even allowed to go out with an intern on this show.
George said that he's just a guest so he might be able to go out with some of the boy interns. Howard reminded him that he's with Brad.
Gary said that he thinks that there is something subliminal going on there because he only has to clear his throat when Howard is eating. Gary said Howard makes him nervous in that setting because he knows that he's going to find something wrong. Gary said that it's like he has a magnifying glass on him.
Howard asked Gary if he could speak to him over the mic in his office like he's doing now. Gary said that won't work. Howard wondered why but Gary didn't have an answer.
Howard said it takes him like 3 minutes to eat his egg sandwich. He said it's a mess and he has all of these guys watching him eat it. It has some kind of water in it so it drips down his arms and face and he has all of these guys talking to him. Robin said it's funny to see that going on from her area.
Howard told George if he wants Brad to stop eating he should have him come in and watch him eat. Howard said maybe JD should come in and talk to him instead of Gary. Howard said Gary started to clear his throat as soon as he started to eat. He figured he would just suffer through it and not say anything.
Howard said this whole thing has been going on for months now. Gary said that's not true. Howard said it is true. He said this morning it was as bad as it's ever been. He did an impression of what Gary was doing and it was awful. Gary said it's not as bad as he's making it out to be. Howard said Robin would vomit if she heard it.
Gary asked Howard why he doesn't eat before he comes in. Howard said his food isn't there at that time. Gary said he could have it there that early if he wanted. Howard said he likes to read the paper before the show and things like that.
Howard asked where JD was because he wanted him to back up what he was saying about Gary's phlegm. JD came in and said that he did hear it this morning but not every morning. JD did an impression of Gary clearing his throat and Howard said that's exactly what it was like.
Howard asked JD why he doesn't do that because you'd figure that he'd be the gross one just looking at him. JD thanked him for that. JD said Gary has a lot of stuff to talk about in the morning. Howard said Gary doesn't sound like that right now. Gary said that he's fine on the drive in and after he talks to Howard. It's just at that time when he has the phlegm.
Scott and the intern, Peter, came in to talk about the noises he's always making. Howard said that Pete is always out in the hall staring at him. Gary said that's because Scott kicks him out of his studio all the time. Scott denied doing that but Pete said Scott does kick him out. Howard said Pete stares at him and it's fuckin' intense.
Gary said that sometimes Pete will walk in and start talking in the middle of a conversation. Pete said that's part of his Tourettes. He said he can't help that. Pete said that he's on meds but the Tourettes is still bad.
Ronnie came in and told Howard he saw Pete off his meds. He said he was flying all over the fuckin' room. Pete said it's off the charts when he's off his meds. Ronnie said that he picks at his hands all day long.
Ronnie said that he has to defend Scott because having him in that studio is tough. He said that Pete can't stand still. He's like a Mexican jumping bean. Howard said he can't take the stare when he's walking down the hall.
Scott said they found Pete walking around the other side of the building the other day. Pete said he has to get focused and concentrate or he gets lost. Ronnie said he loves Pete. He said he's his boy.
Scott and Ronnie told Howard to let Pete sit on the couch and he'll see what kind of stuff he does. Howard had Pete sit down and the guys told him to be quiet. Ronnie said you have to pretend that nothing is going on and Pete will start doing stuff. Howard said it's not easy to do that.
Howard said that he was going to continue the show. Pete was sniffing and clearing his throat and stuff. Howard said that it must be impossible to get any pussy. Pete said that he has kissed a girl before but that's about it. He said it's so stupid. Pete said that the whole thing is a pain in the ass. Pete said that they say it's genetic but he doesn't agree with it because no one else in his family has it. He said he has two sisters and they're fine.
Howard asked where this girl is that he kissed. Pete said that she's nowhere to be found. Pete said she ran off and he hasn't seen her since.
Pete told Howard he took this girl out to dinner after finding her on a dating site. Pete said she was an Asian chick and she spoke pretty good English. He said he wasn't even sure where she was from. Howard said it must have been cool typing to her on the computer because she saw the real Pete without the Tourettes. Pete said they did call each other on the phone before the date.
Pete said they went out to the Cheesecake Factory for dinner and they had a nice meal. He said it was cool. Howard asked what he's like when he eats. Pete said it's bad. He has no concentration at all so he's all over the place. Howard said he has to see him eat. Howard said he's going to take him out to eat.
Pete said that he can't eat pasta because it flies all over the place. He said that he's not sure what he can eat because nothing is really safe.
Pete told Howard that this girl was so hot that he was taken aback by her. He said that she was way too hot for him. Howard asked when he got to kiss her. Pete said it was at the end. He said he was busy cleaning himself off when he got to kiss her. Howard asked who made the first move. Pete said he thinks that she made the first move and she initiated it. He said that it was just a 2 second kiss. Two quick seconds.
Howard asked Pete if he thinks about her when he beats off. He said he does because she was so fuckin' hot. Howard said they have to get Pete laid. Pete is 34 years old and he hasn't gotten laid yet.
Robin asked when he kissed the girl. Pete said it was just back in April of this year. Howard asked if he can beat off okay. Pete said he's okay doing that. Howard asked if he throws doody all over the place when he goes to the bathroom. He said he can focus on that so he doesn't do that.
Gary said that Pete can't hold a piece of paper. The whole thing flutters when he does. Howard had Pete hold a piece of paper and he was holding it just fine. Howard asked if the Tourettes is what makes him stare. Pete said that's what it is because it's a fixation thing for him.
Howard said he likes Pete. He asked him if he wanted to be Robin's assistant. He figured that Captain Dennis wasn't going to last with her so she might need someone new.
Howard said it must be weird for Pete when he stares at him in the hall. He said he doesn't really have a problem with him at all. Howard asked if he was surprised when they hired him. Pete said he was surprised. Howard said he's proud of Tracey for hiring him but then he told her that she's fired. Howard said she must have seen through the Tourettes to actually hire him there.
Howard asked Pete if he had ever been hired anywhere. Pete said he hadn't and he's still living at home. He said he's had odd jobs doing various things but nothing like this. Howard said that anything he does is an odd job.
Howard said he thinks that Tracey hired him to get back at Scott because she doesn't like him. Pete said he has worked at The Gap for 5 or 6 months at a clip. He said that doesn't last long because he's hired as a temp. Howard said he should be a forest ranger or something. He'd be out in the woods alone a lot so he wouldn't have to be around people. He said he could work in a zoo or something. Pete asked how fucked up that would be. He said that the animals might jump on him and shit.
Robin asked Pete what he'd like to do. Pete said he's always been interested in radio and TV. Howard said they have to hook him up. A caller told him that they need to have a Tourettes dating game. Howard said he might have to do that for him. Pete said that would be cool. Howard said if they put Pete on the dating game then they should be able to find a girl for him.
Howard said they have this tape recorder out in the hallway where he walks and whoever the intern is out there is standing there. He said that it's like someone threw it there and didn't think about it. Howard said he blames Gary for that. Gary said that has been there for four years. Gary said it was never an issue until Pete brought it to his attention.
Howard said Scott has a whole studio where they could put that equipment and he's not sure why it's in the middle of the hallway. He said it's ridiculous that it's out in the hall. Pete said he'd be freaked out too if he saw someone like him standing there in the hall.
Howard asked Pete why he's there in the hall when he leaves. Pete said he doesn't do it on purpose and he's never really thought about it. Howard asked Gary why he's standing there at that point. Gary figured he wanted to see Howard walk out. Pete said it is kind of weird. He said that he is recording the show when he's by that piece of equipment but he doesn't need to be standing there for 5 hours straight.
Howard asked Scott why he has that piece of equipment there. Scott said that it was the best spot at the time that they put it there. He said that Pete doesn't need to be there and he can just let it run and record on CD until Howard is gone.
Gary told Howard that Ronnie clears the hallway but he's not around himself so he can't get Pete out of there. Ronnie came in and told Howard that Pete has told him that he has to be there to turn off the recording. Howard told Gary to take care of the problem.
Howard said that they have to get Pete laid. Howard said that they're going to work on something for him. Pete said that would be cool.
Howard asked Pete if he's paid a hooker before. Pete said he did that recently just because of the urge. He said that it was so demeaning but he had to do it. Pete said that she was kind of overwhelmed with him but he explained to her what was going on and she was cool with it.
Pete said he paid $200 for it and she was halfway decent looking. He said she had some pounds on her. Howard said that's what he'd figure for a $200 hooker. Pete said it was an escort that he found in the back of a newspaper.
Pete said that he hooked up with this chick in a hotel and he was kind of afraid of what was going to happen. He said that the hotel was included and the hotel wasn't that bad. He said it was halfway decent. Howard asked how quick she got naked. He said that happened right away. He said she didn't look too bad.
Pete said that the chick didn't want to be kissed. He said he tried but she told him no. Howard said that's a funny rule they have. He said that they're sucking your dick but they won't kiss you. That's fucked up.
Pete said he got a BJ with the rubber on and got to stick it in. He said the whole thing kind of freaked him out. He said that he's not used to talking about it so it doesn't make sense to him. He said it's all weird for him. Howard said that sex is disgusting when you think about it. Pete said he's quite intrigued by it himself.
Howard asked if he was able to last a long time. Pete said he was because of the meds. He said that he was able to finish though. Howard said they have to get him a real date.
Robin said that even Mary Carey's father got a date. Howard said that guy was stroked out too. Pete said he can get a rap going but something stops in the middle of it. Howard said that Mary Carey's father has CP and he was able to get a chick. Howard said that Pete should be able to get a chick as well. Pete said it's the presentation. Howard said they need to work on that.
Robin asked what's going to happen to this Pete when his internship is done. Howard said they might have to keep Pete there as a permanent intern. Pete said that would be cool. Howard asked George if he would fuck Pete if he was single. George said he is a very good looking young man.
Howard said that the Howard TV guys have audio of Scott yelling out in the hall. Scott was going off on Howard for freaking out about someone being in the hallway.
Howard called Scott back in and went off on Scott about that. Howard said he doesn't like the congestion in the hallway. Scott said it's just one person in the hall. Howard said it's his show and when Scott gets his own show then he can make his own rules. Howard said he wants that equipment moved. Scott said they will do that, they've already decided to move it.
Howard came back and found out that his compression wasn't changed. He said that no one came in to change it. Howard went on to talk about how Tracy Morgan has written a book and he was recording the audio book. Howard said Tracy started to ad lib during the recording and talked about some of the people that he didn't like. Howard had some of that audio to play.
Howard played the clip where Tracy was talking about how he had moved out of his neighborhood in 1996. He moved at night so no one knew they were leaving and no one would know what he had. Then he talked about Saturday Night Live and how Chris Kattan and Sheri Oteri didn't treat him very well and now look at where they are. Tracy said he never thought much of them and he said ''Fuck 'em'' as he was wrapping up that reading.
Howard said he has people like that in his life. He said that they love him now but they weren't so nice to him back then.
Howard played a prank call the guys made to a sex chat line using Tracy Morgan audio clips. George asked where that came from. Howard told him that Sal and Richard had created the call using the clips of Tracy.
Howard read the article and checked out the pictures in the Enquirer. Howard said that he was living there during the week even though his wife was like 15 miles away in Connecticut. Howard said it didn't make much sense to him.
Howard said that the wife must have known something was going on. He wasn't spending the night with her for 5 nights a week. George said that it's going to be a long story with the court case and all of that.
Howard read that Letterman's wife locked him out of the house. He said that Dave must be thrilled about that. Now he has to go back to his bachelor pad with the basketball court in there. Howard said Dave is going to have to get divorced. He's not going to be able to deal with this.
Howard was wondering how Dave had a basketball court in this place because it looked like a townhouse he was living in. Howard tried to figure that out but ended up reading more of the article where they talked about some of the odd things that Letterman has done with Stephanie Birkett. Howard read that Dave got her some pom-poms and had her reenacting some of the Stupid Pet Tricks that he liked.
Howard said they're going to have to keep him off that show. He has too many questions for Dave. He read more of that article and they were saying that someone told one of the race car drivers that Stephanie was Dave's granddaughter.
Howard said he's feeling kind of weird because he invited Dave out to dinner at his place when he was on the show last.
Howard said there were some other odd stories in the tabloids. He read that Kelly Clarkson was ballooning up so she'd look like a guy like Chastity Bono. Howard said that they think that she might be trying to become a man. Howard said that she had a salad in her hand in the picture they had of her though. Just like Benjy. Howard said that's exactly what Benjy does. Howard said Kelly Clarkson used to be so cute.
George said that Benjy has a spray olive oil for his salad. Robin was grossed out by that but it wasn't clear why. Howard said that Benjy could just pour it on and not have to use a sprayer.
Howard read about this Phillip Garrido guy and how he once received an award for being a good inmate. He also read that Martina Navratilova has become a womanizer from what they were saying in this article he was reading. Howard was asking Robin what she thought about that and if she had any other information. Robin said she doesn't buy all of these stories.
George said that he spent a few weeks in the jungle with Martina and he'd like to hear her side of the story. George was on I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here with her.
Howard said he does insist on certain things with Beth but he has learned that you just do what they're comfortable with. He said maybe he is a bitch in this guy's eyes then.
The caller told Howard he could work in the licking of the ass thing. Howard said he must be a bitch because he can't work it in.
Howard said that guys get insulted but every woman likes a certain thing and you have to go with it. That's how it works. George said it's the same for same sex relationships. He said that he'd like to give Brad anal but Brad doesn't want that so he doesn't force it.
Howard asked George if Brad likes it when he eats his ass. George said he does like that but he doesn't like the penis in there. Howard asked if Brad eats his ass too. George said that he does do that sometimes when they wrestle. He said that sometimes the embrace gets convoluted and they just go at it.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and asked if Beth cut her hair. She saw her on some program where she was doing a charity thing. Howard said he knew she ran out last night but he wasn't sure where she was going. Howard said she told him she was going to be gone for like an hour or two. Mariann said that she was beaming on that show. She said she knows more about his wife than he does. Howard had to hang up on her again when she started to tell him she loves him. Howard said he was trying to say he knew where Beth was but Mariann cut him off.
Robin asked where Mike Gange was. Howard wasn't sure. Robin said she's waiting for him to help her out for the DogCatemy Awards and he's no where to be found. George said that they used to have a dog but they haven't replaced her yet. Howard said that he should get another one and make a movie for this awards show.
Howard did his impression of George and George wondered if that's really the way he speaks. Howard said it is and he continued to do the impression. He told George that he tends to over annunciate when he speaks. Howard talked about the Ricardo Montalban prank call that Kidd Chris made to him and asked about that. George said he did have elocution lessons when he was growing up.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that he wanted to thank George for these two days he's been in. George won't be in tomorrow. Howard said that he had to take a break but they had Mad Dog Russo coming in after that. They're going to talk sports for a while. Howard said he had a lot of other stuff to get to as well. Howard said that Ronnie was down in Miami opening up Tootsie's. He said that it was very disturbing. Howard said he'll play some of that and some other clips he had.
Howard said that this Jesse McCartney sang the National Anthem and forgot a whole line. Howard played that clip before going to commercial. Jesse sang the song and forgot the whole third line. They went to break right after that.
Howard came back and asked George if he wanted to do an announce for them. George did a quick one. Howard said that was a beautiful read by George Takei.
Howard asked if Mad Dog Russo was there yet. Will said he was there but he was just signing in. Howard said that he had some audio clips to play before he came in.
Howard said he had clips of Ronnie's appearance at Tootsie's Cabaret down in Miami. Howard said that they pay Ronnie to make these appearances and Ronnie feels he has to talk to everyone there but no one wants to hear a dude talk. Howard said he would just get up and say ''Guys, have a great night. I'm Howard Stern.'' and get off stage. Howard said Ronnie tries to make it a Ronnie party.
Ronnie came in and said that the DJ asked him to drive the crowd nuts, throw some t-shirts out and then bring the girls up. He said he does what they ask him to do. Howard said he should just say hi and get off stage. Howard said he was up there for at least 3 minutes and 2 minutes and 59 seconds of it was too long.
Howard said that Ronnie is working too hard and he doesn't need to be. Howard said Ronnie says ''Yeah!'' while he's up on stage too much too. Howard told Fred to play a bell every time he says ''yeah.''
Howard played the clip where Ronnie gets up on stage and he starts off with a ''Yeaaaahhhhhh!'' Fred hit the bell. Ronnie then asks everyone to wake up and says ''Yeaaaahhhh!'' again. Ronnie was telling a guy to wake up and get with it.
Ronnie kept saying ''Yeah'' over and over as he was introducing the girls. Ronnie asked who wanted a Tootsie's t-shirt. He said a few more ''yeahs'' as he was passing out some t-shirts.
Ronnie was also asking the guys if the crowd wanted to see his dick as he was telling everyone to wake up. Howard said it was all ''yeah'' and ''wake up.'' Ronnie said he was only up there for a couple of minutes.
Howard ended up playing the Howard Dean speech where he talks about all of the places they're going and lets out that creepy ''Yeahhhh!'' of his.
Howard played more of Ronnie's yelling. He must have said ''yeah!'' like 20 times. Ronnie gave away the t-shirts and then introduced this porn chick Jayda Deville. Howard asked why he has to use the F-word so much. Ronnie said it's a strip club.
Howard said Ronnie was laid out on the floor moaning while that chick came out. Howard said that no one wants to see Ronnie getting a lap dance from a chick. Ronnie said it wasn't his idea. Howard said that he now knows what Ronnie sounds like when he's having sex. Fred threw in a porn clip of a guy making noise as he was cummning.
Howard said that Howard TV is going to have all of the video of this. They showed them some of it in the studio and George let out an ''Oh my!'' when he saw what was going on. Howard said that the chick was standing on her head on Ronnie's balls. Howard said he doesn't like it when the girls get too aggressive like that. Ronnie said he's going to tame down his act a little bit. He's going to be at Rick's Cabaret later this week to celebrate their 4th anniversary.
Howard said he saw that Chris did Imus' show. Chris asked if that's okay with him. Howard said he doesn't give a fuck. He said he's been trying to get away from Imus for years and he keeps following him around. He's right across the street in the FOX building now.
Chris told Howard about his Imus appearance a little bit but then Howard asked him about the firings he had over at his channel. Chris said he's never had to do that before. They had to fire the overnight guy. Chris said he wanted to move a guy to the mornings. He said he's up against Howard and some other shows so he wanted to get a two man show going in the mornings. Chris said they have a budget over there so he had to move some things around.
Howard asked Chris if he had to fire the guy himself. Chris said he did and he lost sleep the night before. Chris said the guy is a good guy and he has a family and all.
Chris said that Howard has a system down and he doesn't have one himself. He said he doesn't have guys behind the scenes to do this stuff. Howard said that he did have to do that in the beginning. He said he hired Tim after they got there because he had so much to do. Howard said that it was just him and the guys from the show. They had to put together the whole news team and all of that.
Howard asked Chris about firing this guy and how that went. Chris said he had to call him at about 6:05 in the morning. He said it wasn't an easy phone call. He said he spent like 20 minutes on the phone with the guy.
Chris said that he had to move around some producers too. He said that he had to deal with the talent himself but the producers were another story. Chris said he's never done anything like this so it was tough for him. He said he's glad he did it though.
Howard heard that Chris is going to be on Letterman tonight. Chris said that he is and he's probably not going to bring up the scandal. Howard said he has to bring it up. Howard told Chris that he should dress up as a cheerleader. Howard said that's what he would do. Chris said he can't do that kind of thing. Chris said that it's a tricky situation.
Howard told Chris they described Dave's hidden room and he should bring in a real bed and tell Dave to bang a chick on a real bed instead of a Murphy bed like he has in that secret room.
Robin told him to ask Dave about who is running his race car team. Chris said he could do that. He didn't know that Stephanie Birkett was running the team.
Chris told Howard that people don't know how tough it is to do a long show there. He said that he heard Howard go without a break from 6 to 7:30 without a break. He said that people don't know how hard it is to do that.
Howard told Chris some more things that he could do on Letterman. Chris asked Howard if he's been on Letterman lately. Howard said he did it in the last year but he's not sure they'll ever have him back on again.
Howard told Chris he would bring Dave a bed and a box of condoms if he was on the show tonight. Howard said he has so many questions for what Dave was up to and he wouldn't be able to avoid asking them. Chris said he can't do that. He said Dave has been good to him. Howard said that Chris should just walk out and laugh at Dave.
Howard asked Chris if he would walk out and laugh. Chris said he's not sure how that would go over. Howard told Chris to walk out with a straight face and just say to Dave that he has written a movie and he wants to sell it to him for $2 million. Chris said he doesn't have that relationship with Dave and Howard does.
Robin said he could talk about the scandals they have in sports and ask Dave how he would handle that. Chris said it's a rough situation for him. Howard said that would put Chris' channels on the map.
Howard asked Chris about A-Rod but Chris interrupted him and told him he saw his interview with Reggie Jackson last week. Howard said Reggie asked him to go to a game with him but he wasn't able to go. He called Reggie and Reggie tried to sell him his box. Howard said he was serious about that too.
Howard talked about A-Rod and Kate Hudson and asked Chris what he thinks about that. Chris said that he's not sure that the relationship is helping him out or not.
Howard asked who is on Letterman with him tonight. Chris said that Tina Fey is on. He said that he should be on by 12:15. Howard said that he gets to go on first and Artie got slotted on first the last time he was on. Chris asked how that happened. Robin said it was Artie killing on the Joe Buck Live show. Chris said he had a major issue with that. He didn't like it at all.
Howard said that he found that appearance compelling. Chris was shocked that he got on Letterman first after that Joe Buck Live appearance. Chris said that he didn't know that Artie was on the second show either. He said that maybe that's the way he should act when he goes on Letterman tonight.
Howard asked Chris if he would go out and tell Dave that he'd like Tina Fey as an intern. Chris said that wouldn't be so terrible. Chris said that Howard could get away with it though and he can't. Chris said he has to be the prop for Dave's humor. Howard said that he could do it no problem. He told Chris that what he should do is bring out all of Dave's interns and do an intern beauty pageant where the winner gets to fuck Dave.
Chris said that this Stephanie girl wasn't so pretty either. Howard said that Dave has a type that he likes and she fits into that. Howard said that he should be going after the hot actresses that he has on the show.
Chris wondered why they don't have a check and balance thing going on over at CBS to stop the interns from sleeping with Dave and that producer. He said that they just bounce around between Dave and that other guy.
Howard said he heard that Chris said that he misses his former partner and he would consider going back to work with him. Chris said that he didn't say that. He said that he said he has a job and he can never say never about getting back with Mike.
Howard asked Chris about the playoff games so Chris filled him in on what he thinks about what's coming up. Chris said that he thinks that it'll be the Dodgers and Yankees.
Howard found out that Chris isn't that great at predicting stuff like that. Chris said he bets on games and he loses all the time. Chris said that he bets on a bunch of different things but he doesn't think that he's a degenerate.
Howard asked if he thinks that the Yankees are going to be the world champs. Chris said that they probably will even though he hates the Yankees.
Howard asked what the biggest story is in sports right now. Chris said that Rush Limbaugh trying to buy the Rams is a big story. Howard said that Brett Favre is another one. They spent a couple of minutes talking about that. Howard asked him to make a prediction. He asked Chris ''Letterman, divorce or not divorce?'' Chris said he thinks that there won't be a divorce. He said that she's not going to be able to prove that he had the affairs.
Chris told Howard that Robin came on his show during the U.S. Open. He and Robin talked about the Serena Williams blow up at the game and how he found that to be very wrong. He said her apology wasn't even good. They spent a couple of minutes on that.
Howard heard that Mad Dog is 56th place in the SIRIUS football pool. Chris said that he knew it was bad but he didn't know it was that low. Robin is even beating him. Howard said it shows that the experts really don't know a thing. Chris said that's true and they don't know their fannies from their elbows.
Howard and Chris talked about who got the sports thing started on radio. Chris said he thinks it was Jack Specter. Howard said that he worked with him but the guy didn't know anything about sports. Chris said he used to listen to Sterling when he was growing up and that was a long time ago. He said there had to be someone before him.
Howard and Chris talked about the interview Howard did with Reggie Jackson last week. Chris was trying to get George to wake up but George told him that he has no idea what they're talking about.
Howard asked Chris if he's for gay marriage. Chris paused and said that he didn't have a big opinion on it but he did see ''Milk'' which was an excellent movie. He said that Sean Penn was excellent in that movie. Chris said that some people might have issues with it because of their religion. Chris said that he would be for it and asked if that makes Howard happy.
George told the guys that Arnold Schwarzenegger has just designated a day to be Harvey Milk Day in California so that's a great thing.
Howard said that George and his husband wrestle nude. Howard said that's what they do before oral sex. George said that might be a different language to Chris. Howard asked Chris if he would do play by play for that. Chris said he'd have to pass on that.
Howard said that George was saying that he would like to fight William Shatner. Howard asked Chris what he thinks about that and if he thinks he could beat his old partner Mike Francesa. Chris said he's not a fighter and Mike could probably beat him up.
Chris told Howard that Mike sent him four seats to the Mets game this summer. He said that maybe Mike misses him. Howard said that they've tried to team Mike up with people and it hasn't worked out. Chris said it's tough to bring someone else in after being with a partner for so long. He said maybe Mike doesn't want that.
Chris said it was a very nice thing to send him those tickets. Howard said that Chris upset Mike when he was on the show one other time. Chris said that was Howard's fault though because he didn't say anything bad and Howard put words in his mouth.
Howard said that Mike wants his word to be the final word and Chris knew how to deal with that. Chris said that they did that show together for 19 years so he knew how to handle him.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if it was true that Chris' dad tried to replace him on the Francesa show. Chris said that his father is 78 years old and he has him call into his show once a week. He said he knows nothing about other teams, just the Yankees. He said his dad loves Mike and that's because they're both Yankee fans. He said he doesn't think that his father would go on that show but it would bother him if it did happen.
Howard said he got upset with Chris when he was late last week. Chris said that was a terrible job on his part and he was sorry about that. Howard said he was shocked that he didn't get there on time. Chris said that he showed up like 25 minutes late.
George told Chris that he's like an athlete of radio. He said he was like Jude Law in Hamlet that he just saw recently. He was very impressed with the way he was animated in there.
Chris took off his shirt to show George how he looked. Chris said he did that because Howard asked George if he was attracted to him. George said that he touched him too. Howard told him to touch his chest. Chris was pounding his chest and demanding that they all touch his chest. Howard said he was kind of sweaty and gross.
Howard told everyone to calm down. Chris said he was sorry about last week showing up late. Chris said that he's 50 years old and he thinks he looks good for his age. George told him he looks great.
Howard asked Chris if he had any gay experiences growing up. Chris said he never did. He said he didn't have a lot of girlfriends and he went to a boarding school but no gay experiences.
Howard asked Chris what he thinks about Roman Polanksi. Chris said that it's been long enough and he would have to say no. Chris said it's a tough call. Howard said that the guy raped a 13 year old girl in the ass. Chris said that the girl and her family forgive him and that's good enough for him. Howard said he doesn't forgive him at all.
Howard told Chris about what happened but Chris didn't know that the 13 year old was drugged. Howard said that she was. Chris said he heard that she had other sexual experiences before that. Robin said that has nothing to do with rape though. Howard asked Chris why he's so liberal all of a sudden. Chris didn't seem to know all of the details and he also figured that Howard would have given this guy a break since it's been 30 years.
Howard wrapped up with Chris and Chris apologized to him again for being late last week. Howard asked him if he thinks that Pete Rose should be in the hall of fame. Chris said he should be in there. He said that he was at the hall of fame and Rose isn't even allowed on the grounds of the museum. He wanted to interview him there but he wasn't even allowed on the grounds.
Howard said that they covered a lot today. Howard gave him some plugs for his Mad Dog Radio which is on Sirius 123 and XM 144. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard came back and said he was working out some details for the Pete the intern dial-a-date. Howard said they're going to put together some details for any girls that want to date him. Howard said they don't want just Tourettes girls for that.
Howard had George do another announce since this is his last day there. Howard said he won't be around tomorrow. George did a quick announce about William Shatner and how he's been an asshole for 43 years and he hopes he can keep it up for another 43.
Howard had Steve Langford come in with his news preview. Steve had another Jay Leno update. This time they're showing that Jay ripped off the chicken picking football games bit that they ripped off from their show. Steve said that they did this back in 2003. Howard said he wants Jay to know what his writing staff is up to so he told Gary he really does want him to send him a clip.
Steve said none of Jay's shows last week scored higher than number 60 on the most watched shows in the Nielson ratings. Howard said that Jay has ripped off bits from him and it's not just the one. Howard said that even Letterman ripped off the calling his mom bit but he admits to it.
Steve said they have more on the Letterman scandal as well. Gambling outlets are taking bets on how the whole thing will play out. They have divorce bets and things like that in the works. Howard wondered about the divorce thing himself. He said he's not sure that they will get divorced so he thinks that they'll stay together.
Steve said that Dante the radio guy who came in and did a radio show there for them has come out of the closet. Robin said that he was one of her interns at one time. She had no idea he was gay.
Howard said that the next thing they know Steve Brandano will come out. Steve was in to promote his Intern Show but he said they don't need ratings that bad. Howard thanked Steve for letting him borrow the Green Lantern cartoon DVD that he gave him over the weekend.
Steve said that it was 16 years ago today that Howard was signing 10,000 copies of his book at Barnes and Noble in New York City.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran down the list of subjects he had for today's show. Howard mentioned that Jon is a wizard with the Blackberry phones. Howard said he's switching from the Blackberry Bold to the Tour himself. He wasn't able to make any calls with his Bold so he has to switch to get away from that one. Howard said that Jon is amazing with helping him out with the Blackberry. Jon said he's good with them because he uses them so much.
Steve Brandano also ran down his Intern Show preview after Jon was done. Steve said that Pete will be on with them. They're also hope to have Tracey Millman on with them too. The Intern Show is on Wednesday nights at 7pm on Howard 101.
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Robin started her news with a story about Playboy trying to get Tara Reid or Kelly Bensimon to appear in the magazine. Howard said that he wants to see the real thing and Playboy airbrushes their girls too much.
Robin read a story about a web site that ranked the hottest heads of state and Obama came in 15th. The hottest one was a woman from the Ukraine. Robin read some of the other leaders who have made it on the list.
Riley Martin called in so Howard let him get in a few words even though he wants to get the show over with. Riley said that Dr. Ablow has cleared him to do his show so Tim is supposed to get back to him about that. He said Tim hasn't called him back. Howard told Tim to come in there and tell him what's going on. He said that Ablow may have just given up. Riley was also complaining about his check being 2 weeks late.
Tim came in and told Howard that Dr. Ablow has given him a clean bill of health. He said that Riley claims he understands and will follow the rules. Tim is going to have a dinner with Dr. Ablow to confirm all of that.
Riley was asking where his check was and what was going on with that. Tim said that they have 60 days to pay him so it's technically not late. Tim said that he should have it soon, and maybe today. Riley asked when he's going to be back on the air. Tim said they're going to work that out and they'll talk later today. Howard told Riley not to fuck it up this time.
Howard asked Riley if they have missed anything crucial while he's been away. Riley said that shit is fixing to hit the fan so he has a lot to talk about. Howard congratulated him on getting his show back. Riley thanked him for that and told Howard to pass some nutrition advice to Artie.
Howard let Riley go and Robin got back to her news. She said that a list of the top earners on TV prime time shows has been released. She had Howard guessing who was on the list. Robin said that Tyra Banks is on the list. She made about $30 million doing America's Top Model. Howard said he needs to produce a reality show. Katherine Heigle, Marg Helgenberger, Eva Longoria, Mariska Hargatay, Julia Louis-Dreyfus and others were also on the list.
Robin read about Jon and Kate Gosslin and what's going on with them. Howard said he really doesn't give a shit about them and he's not sure who does. He said he's sick of hearing about them. Howard said that people should be paying attention to someone like George Takei who is on Heroes, not this Jon and Kate. Howard said the only person he knows that watches them is Jason. Jason said he's never watched an episode of their show but he follows their scandal.
Will came in and said that Jason and Jon are in the back talking about them all the time. Jason said he has never watched the show but he and Jon talk about the scandal every day. Jon Hein came in and said that his daughters watch the show so he watches it with them. Jon said that Jason is just as big of a fan as he is and he's not sure why he's denying it.
Jason said that he doesn't watch the show and he's not sure why they're saying this. He said that Jon is lying about this. Jon asked Jason if he watched the first episode this season. Jason finally admitted he did watch that one. Jason said that 15 million other people did too. Howard said he's not sure why he lied about that.
Howard said he has been watching the Antonio Sabato Jr. reality show. Howard said they had girls walking on fire on the last episode. Howard said the girls are probably asking who this guy is and why they're doing this for him.
Robin read a story about how Arnold Schwarzenegger signed a law that says you can't talk on your cell phone while driving and his wife was caught doing it twice now. Howard said that he never does that when he's driving. It's too dangerous.
Howard and George were talking about Halloween and how they don't really enjoy it. George said there are adults who show up trick or treating at their door. He said they have said they will only give to kids who are under 15 years of age.
Robin read about some of the most popular costumes for this year's Halloween. Robin read a list of the masks that are popular and Bernie Madoff masks are very popular. Howard said he's seen those masks and they look nothing like the guy. They also call him ''Mr. Ponzi'' since they can't use his real name.
Robin said that Sirius XM is creating a Monty Python channel. Howard said ''ugh, oh my god.'' He said he might have to block out channel 151 if that's the case. Howard said he's not a fan.
Robin read about how People Magazine is publishing the first pictures of Jaycee Dugard who was held captive for 18 years. Robin had some audio of someone talking about that. Robin said that she may give her first interview to Oprah Winfrey.
Robin read a story about Christie Brinkley and her ex-husband who have finally settled on their divorce. Robin wondered what the fight was all about. Robin had some audio of Christie and Peter Cooke talking about the case as they left the courtroom.
Robin read about the late DJ AM who died of a drug overdose. Howard said he saw a picture of him wearing a really cool jacket that he wanted. He wondered what happened to it. Robin read that MTV has started airing the reality show with DJ AM in it and in it he's trying to help addicts conquer their addiction. She had Howard play a clip from the show. Howard said he sounds like a super hero in that clip.
Robin read about Bono and The Edge from U2 talking to the astronauts on the International Space Station. She had some audio of Bono talking about how amazing it was to get to see what was going on up there.
Robin read about Al Martino's death and played some audio of him singing in the movie The Godfather. Robin said he was 82.
Howard asked George if that scares him when he hears that a man 10 years older than him died. George said that he has relatives who lived to their 90s and 100s so he's not scared.
Robin said that a few lotteries have joined together into multi-state lotteries and that may lead to a national lottery. They hope to have one by the end of 2010.
Robin had some audio of someone talking about Rush Limbaugh trying to by into the Rams and how some of the stuff he's said in the past is kind of worrying to them. The guy said he wouldn't want to see those kind of comments from someone in the NFL.
Howard read that the average 72 year old man can expect 12 more years. George said he's counting on his genes to make him last longer. George said he hopes his friends will be around too. Robin said that's the worst when all of your friends die. Howard said his parents have seen almost all of their friends die. Howard said that has to be tough. He did an impression of his mother talking about how sad it is.
George said that he's lost 3 of his Star Trek colleagues. He said that there are only 4 of them left. Howard said that Tribble 234 died a year ago too. Howard asked about Commander Pike. George said that he died long ago when he fell down some stairs. Howard said that's sad. Howard said that Leonard Nimoy isn't looking too good these days. George said that he does look like Methuselah. He said he used to smoke but he's quit that.
Robin had some audio of some various people talking about the upcoming Grammy awards. She had some audio of Snoop Dogg and Paula Abdul that she had Howard play quickly.
Robin had a story about a 17 year old girl who ran away from home because she was afraid that her family was going to kill her for switching to Christianity from Muslim. She has been forced to move back to her home town to a foster home. She still thinks that her family is going to either kill her or send her away.
Robin wrapped up her news with a story about Jamie Foxx who has a new movie coming out. She had some audio of him that she played quickly. They wrapped up and ended the show a short time later, right around 10:40am.
Jon wanted to talk about Chris ''Mad Dog'' Russo for a while. He asked Gary if he always has that energy he had this morning. Gary said that he does. He's always full of energy and he doesn't sit down for long when he does sit down.
Jon asked if Chris is going to have the balls to do anything that Howard and Robin suggested to him today. Gary said Chris is kind of a straight arrow and he's not looking to be a trouble maker.
Jon and Gary talked about how Chris is running his channel now so it's got to be tough for him. Gary said it's really horrible to fire people. Jon said he's fired a few people and it's tough every time. He said that he fired one person he didn't really like that much and even that was tough. Gary said that he had a guy he hired who had lied on his resume. He said the guy was begging for his job back but he couldn't do anything about it.
Gary said that he had to fire some interns too but they're not losing a livelihood like a regular paid employee would. That's still tough.
Jon said that when Howard gets sports people in he doesn't want to talk sports. He said that's what makes the interviews great. Gary said that he told Howard they were going to talk about the playoffs and stuff with Chris but Howard said that was going to last about 11 seconds. Gary said that Howard loves to bring up Mike Francesa's name and he loves to say it ''Fransesca.''
Jon took a call from a guy who said he thinks that Kate Hudson's vag is making A-Rod play better. The caller said he thinks that Chris Russo doesn't agree with that but Howard did.
Another caller said that Chris comes off as an asshole. He said that he lives in Chicago so they don't talk baseball in the month of October since he's a Cubs fan. The guy didn't think that Russo was good on the air and he seems to try and amp himself up on the air. Gary said that's the way he is though, he's not putting it on. The caller didn't like him so Gary and Jon tried to convince the guy that he's just being himself and he's good on the air.
Jon took another call from a guy who asked why they replayed a show on Monday that was a replay of the Monday before. Gary didn't know why that was. He didn't even know that's what they played. Gary said that was a fair complaint and he's sure Tim is listening to he'll let him know.
Jon talked about how George got to feel up Chris Russo today when he took his shirt off. Benjy said he was entertained throughout the interview even though he's not a sports fan. Jon asked if George was excited to see him strip down. Benjy said that everyone seemed to be excited.
Ronnie said he was having a good time and he was just trying to get some energy in the room. That's why he was doing what he was doing.
Gary said they did one appearance where they wanted Ronnie to auction off a robe for charity. Gary said they insisted that he did it and Ronnie was up there yelling at the guys saying ''Come on, there are kids dying of cancer!'' when he was trying to auction it off.
Ronnie said he was on Sid Rosenberg's show while he was down in Miami and he had a great time doing that too. He told Jon and Gary they should listen to that because they talked about everything.
Jon and Gary asked Ronnie if he has any plans for when he goes to these appearances. Ronnie said he doesn't plan anything ahead of time. He said he just goes there to have a good time and does whatever he has to.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that Ronnie's act he does is really dumb and it is an act even though he says it's not. Ronnie said that this guy wasn't even there so he has no idea. Ronnie said this guy is just an idiot who calls into a radio show.
The guys were goofing on Ronnie for doing an act since he kept saying that it wasn't an act. Jason came in and said he saw Gary at Al's Diamond Cabaret one time and he knows how he did things back then. He just goes up and gets off stage as quick as he can. He said he could add more to it but he gets why he wants to get off so quick. Jason told Ronnie that they don't want him to go up and yell at everyone. Ronnie told Jason to mind his own business.
Ronnie went off on Jason for talking about this stuff when he has no business doing that. He said Jason is in everyone's business but he should mind his own business and leave him alone. He told him to leave him alone.
Jason and Ronnie went back and forth arguing for a couple of minutes. Ronnie told him to go mind someone else's business. Jason said that he can talk about this stuff if he wants to. Jason accused Ronnie of getting drunk at the clubs where he's supposed to be working and that's some way to treat those people. Ronnie said that's what they let him do at those appearances.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he would like to hire Ronnie to stay the fuck away from his club. He said he'd pay him a grand to never come to Toronto. Ronnie said he doesn't like Canada anyway so don't worry about it.
Another caller asked Ronnie why he's so angry all the time. Ronnie said he doesn't know. He said he goes to therapy for it once a week. The caller said it doesn't seem to be working. Ronnie said that's too bad.
Gary asked Ronnie if he discusses his short fuse in therapy. Ronnie said he does but he doesn't get anywhere talking about it. Ronnie said he hasn't cried in therapy after Benjy asked about that.
Steve Langford came in and said when he hears Ronnie yelling he loves that stuff. He said it's electric. Steve said he loves Ronnie and he's gold. Ronnie said that's his new agent right there. Gary said that Steve coming in was just as perplexing as the guy in Toronto saying he would pay Ronnie to stay away.
Another caller said that Ronnie has that RickyMan personality and that drunk guy is what guys want to see at the strip club. Gary asked what people who have never heard the show think of him. The guy said they probably think he's nuts but he thinks that the guy is great.
Another caller said he doesn't think that Ronnie is an act and he's just naturally an asshole. Ronnie thanked him for that.
Gary asked if he was told to go in there or did he just go in. Pete said he just went in but then he said that Scott told him to go in. Gary said he should always ask before he goes in there.
Ronnie said that the other day at 4:30 in the morning they saw Pete walking around the studios around the building and they had to ask Scott who the fuck he was. Pete said that he has to focus on what he's doing and that day he was just wandering around the place.
Pete said he has to fixate on something or he's all over the place. Gary asked him where the weirdest place was that he's ended up when he's not focusing. Pete said that sometimes he stares at girls.
Gary said that Pete is notorious for staring at people. Ronnie said he has a major crush on the receptionist there. Ronnie said that she deals with him just fine. Pete said he gave her a head shot and she took it so that was cool with him. He's not even sure what she can do with that but he gave it to her.
Pete also talked about the date he had with that girl and how he tried to text her after the date but he never heard from her again. Gary told him he should tell her he's on the Howard Stern Show now and maybe that will help.
Pete said he thinks that Scott is kind of scared of him. Scott was in the studio and said he's really not scared of him. Pete said that people have a perception of him so he feels he has to explain what he's doing all the time. Scott said he doesn't treat him any different than any other intern. He treats them all like shit according to Gary. Scott confirmed that.
Jon asked Pete how he thinks Scott has helped him with his job and career. Pete said he's just doing what he has to do. He said he's getting an idea of how to do all of that. He said he and Scott just chit chat back and forth on some stuff.
Jason asked Pete if Scott has had him do anything like editing and burning CDs and stuff. Pete said he hasn't done any editing but he has learned how to do the CD burning... but not from Scott.
Pete went to the Connecticut School of Broadcasting and he's trying to get a show on air. Pete said he's not sure what kind of show he'd like to do.
Benjy asked when he found out he had Tourettes. Pete said he's had it all his life but they diagnosed it as Tourettes when he was 10. They thought it was a lot of other things before that.
Gary said it must be weird that the thing that people have made fun of him for all his life has made him a star on the show. Pete said it is kind of weird.
Ralph called in and asked if Pete has mental retardation too. Pete said that he isn't mentally retarded. He said that it's not part of Tourettes.
Ralph asked why he has a head shot. Pete said he has done some acting on the side. Benjy said that he could be a character actor. He has a very interesting look. Ralph just laughed and said ''I don't know...'' He found it odd that he has a head shot. Gary said that he does have a special look but he won't be playing the lead in 90210 or anything.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that when Gary is sitting at this desk on Howard TV you can see Pete standing in the background just staring at him. Pete said he likes to be in the center of the action.
Gary said he does seem to be right in the middle of everything. He said that's part of his Tourettes but when Benjy does it, it's just him being annoying.
Jon asked Scott about getting into trouble with Howard today about the moving of that piece of equipment in the hall. Scott said that the kid doesn't bother Howard at all in the hallway. He said that he got upset with him for getting pissed for the kid just staring at him.
Scott said he finds it funny that Howard doesn't want any human contact. He said he just can't walk down the hallway to his office. Pete isn't bothering Howard at all and he shouldn't be so upset about it. Scott said Pete is just trying to do his job and he's not trying to bother anyone. Jason said Pete has to stand there because he'll forget about it if he doesn't. Then Scott will get pissed at him for forgetting about it.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they noticed that Pete sounds like Sam Kinison. Gary said he sounds nothing like Sam Kinison at all. He said he must be thinking of someone else.
Pete said that someone else told him he sounds like Sam Kinison one time. He said it was on the Intern Show. Gary figured it was the same guy.
Another caller asked Gary why Artie wasn't in today. Gary said he got a text from him this morning and he still wasn't feeling good. He said that Artie hasn't said exactly what was wrong with him though. He said he hopes to be back tomorrow.
Gary asked Pete if he has smoked weed to try and calm down. Pete said he's never tried it before. He said he has had that suggested to him before though. They had to go to break a short time later.
The caller asked Gary if Howard ever says that he's sorry for breaking his balls. Gary said that he's never had a discussion about that.
After that Jon asked Gary about his phlegm problems and if he has tried to do anything to treat it somehow. Gary said that it happens around the change of weather. Benjy thinks that it's a form of Tourettes. Gary said it's not though.
Shuli was in and said that Bob Levy has a really bad phlegm thing going on and he sounds like Aquaman when he's talking with the phlegm.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Gary where the Mets are going to be watching the Phillies playing. This was Dan the Mets hater. He said it's been hard to get through lately.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that they have to stop defending Howard on this prima Donna stuff that he does. The guy said that Howard is complaining about taking breaks after an hour. The guys corrected the guy because Howard doesn't want to take breaks, he takes them because they have to get the ads in there. They legally have to take breaks.
The caller said that Howard can't be that worn out after talking for that long. Shuli asked the guy if he has ever tried to entertain someone for 5 straight hours. The caller said he has to haul steel for 8 hours a day and he still has to go in and talk to his boss. The guys tried to convince the guy that Howard is worn out too but the caller wasn't having any of that.
Gary told the caller that Arnold Schwarzenegger used to come on the show all the time and when he came up there he had four guys around him to keep him moving. He said he thought it was douchey at first but then he realized that the guy wouldn't be able to move if he didn't have people to help clear the way. That's what Howard has to deal with when Howard comes out of the studio after the show.
Another caller said that Ronnie is an annoying asshole and he's overrated and he shouldn't be on the show at all. Gary said he didn't think that he was being rated at all. The guy said that Ralph is actually pretty cool and he bets that Ronnie would be more hated than Ralph if they took a poll.
Jon went around the room and asked the guys what they think about that poll. Gary, Benjy and Shuli all said that Ralph would probably be the most hated.
Another caller said that Ralph sucks. The guy said that this show should be for the listeners and they have to stop taking calls from Ralph. Gary said that Ralph is a regular on the show and he's not taking his call as a listener. The guy said he thinks that Ronnie is more likeable than Ralph is.
Jon brought up Jackie and how he was taking credit for the anal and oral thing. Gary said that it's such an odd thing to need credit for. Gary said that he doesn't remember Jackie changing that stuff. Benjy said that it was definitely a radio thing. He said that they used to just say blow job if they were talking about oral.
Benjy said that Jackie may have been an originator but there were probably others who were doing it too. Benjy said that Richard Lewis takes credit for coming up with the phrase ''from hell'' too.
Another caller asked why the fans can't accept what Howard needs after working the show. He said that he had a friend who was a DJ and he went on her show one time and he had nothing to say. He said he respects that Howard can do what he does and he thinks it's foolish to think that it's an easy job.
Gary said that every job has its own stress and you don't know what it's like unless you've done it. The caller agreed with him on that.
The guys talked about Howard's walk down the hall and how there are some people who still try to get him after the show but Gary said he's warned some people to back off until Howard has rested. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started the show talking about how Artie was out again. Robin said that's a first. Howard read the text that he sent to Gary. Artie claims he didn't relapse. He started it off with ''Gar'' for Gary. He said that he got sick coming back on the plane from Detroit. He said he needs the weekend to get better so he'll be back Monday.
Robin couldn't figure it out at first but then figured that he got sick getting on the plane. Howard said they need Howard 100 News on that story.
Howard said he doesn't understand why someone wouldn't understand all of that. Howard said the guy has to be stupid. He said he must have an IQ of 12. Howard said he wanted to call in and ram the guy's head into the wall.
Howard said there was a slew of calls hammering him about wanting the hallway cleared when the show ends. He said when they moved into that building they had this thing where everyone who wanted to get a hold of him would line up outside of his door like a pack of dogs. They were blocking the hall, his office and Gary's office.
Howard said he had Scott Greenstein, the sales staff and a ton of other people who shouldn't have been in that area at all. Gary had to cut off their access. Howard said it became a big party area at around 10 o'clock.
Howard said he'd walk out after the show and he just wanted to decompress. Howard said he felt bad saying he couldn't talk right then. He said it was really annoying because people would ask questions and he didn't have an answer because he couldn't think straight. He just needed a few minutes to rest.
Howard said he ended up having the hallway cleared so he could get to his office after the show. Howard said he wasn't able to get anywhere before that. He said he doesn't need chaos at the work place so that's why he did this.
Howard said people were accusing him of being a Prima Donna yesterday. He said that Scott the Engineer was one of them and he's wise to him. Howard said Scott is one of those people who doesn't like to work. He said he tries to find a way out of doing work. He doesn't do any bits like he did at K-Rock and he's not sure what he's doing back there. Howard said he shouldn't be commenting on him.
Scott came in and said he agrees with him about the hallway. He said he wasn't talking about that. What he said was that he can't take just one intern doing his job out there in the hall. He said he was talking about Pete standing there. Howard said he doesn't want people hanging out there and he was complaining about that piece of equipment being in the middle of the hallway. Scott said they have moved that equipment now.
Howard said they're all wise to Scott. He said they know his work ethic and he's always wanting to get out of doing work. Scott said he's really not though.
Howard told Scott to go back to work at whatever he's doing back there. Scott said that's apparently nothing. Robin said she can't wait until he goes out to Las Vegas to do that special DJ thing. Howard said he wanted to hang Scott when he heard him yesterday. He said if he was stuck on an island with him he'd hang himself or smash himself in the head with a coconut.
Howard said he couldn't believe the calls on the Wrap Up Show yesterday. Howard said that one guy who didn't know the show has to take a break for commercials was just dumb. He said the guy thought he was taking a break for his health. He said it makes you wonder who understands what he's doing there.
Howard said they claim that Imus has 145,000 people watching him and they used to only get like 25,000 people watching FOX Business Network.
Howard said that years ago 250,000 people would visit the World Trade towers on a given day. That means that more people visited those buildings than watch Imus. Howard said that's absurd. He said that the guy is on terrestrial radio and it's abominable. That number is impressive for a stadium, not for a radio guy.
Howard said Imus is so bad and he's so not threatened by him. Howard said he would regularly go on the air and talk about the guy because he's not threatened by him.
Howard read the article where they claim that Joe Scarborough is worried now that he's on against his old foe Imus. Howard said that if Joe can't beat Imus then he should be off of TV. Howard read through the article and they claim that this Joe is worried. Howard said that if he had to go up against Imus he'd be thrilled because he knows he can beat the guy. Howard said he could beat Imus on any given day, even his repeats would beat him.
Howard read that the pressure is on Joe to beat Imus now. Howard said that should send chills throughout the industry. Howard said that Imus will eventually be canned from that network if they ever get ratings going. He said that he doesn't fit in with the rest of the channel.
Howard said that Joe Scarborough doubles Imus' ratings so he shouldn't be worried about it. Howard told Joe to rest easy because he has nothing to worry about.
Howard said that Imus is right across the street at the FOX building now. He said that he sees Imus' limo outside every morning now. Howard said he never wanted a limo himself but his agent told him he was going to get him one. He ended up getting an even longer limo than Imus to send a message to him. Howard said that message ended up getting him fired from WNBC though.
Howard read the ratings information about Imus' show and how they only beat MSNBC by a few listeners. Howard said this Imus has nothing to crow about after a 50 year career. Howard said he was on terrestrial radio and he was beaten by WBLI.
Howard said that Scarborough's people are saying they're not worried about Imus. Howard said that's the way they should be acting. They really have nothing to worry about. Howard said that the Imus people declined to comment on the story.
Howard said that Jaycee was locked up like a veal and she could have been the prom queen or something. He said that this scumbag locked her up for 18 years. Howard said the guy shouldn't have been let out of jail when he was arrested the first time. Howard said they even gave the guy an award for being a good inmate. Howard said he feels that the country is too liberal about this shit sometimes. Robin said that she's not sure why they let them out at all.
Howard was reading about the Gotti family and how they're still dealing with court cases. Robin said that they keep doing stuff to get into trouble. Howard said you'd think that the kids would rebel against their father. He said they worship him instead. Howard said his kids don't give him half the respect that the Gotti kids give their father.
Howard said that Rush Limbaugh is in the news about trying to buy the football team. The group that was going to buy the team has thrown Limbaugh out now. They had too much controversy around that story so they got rid of him. Now Rush is screaming and yelling about it.
Howard said that Rush shouldn't own anything. Howard said he can't stand his success. He said it would irk the shit out of him if he owned a team. Howard said he wouldn't really care if he did. He was back and forth on that.
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Howard said he really doesn't think Beth is overly materialistic. The caller said he doesn't like it in general. Howard figured that the caller has trouble getting laid so that's the issue here. The caller said he suffers from the Richard Christy syndrome. Howard said that it's not just about money. There are plenty of guys who don't have money that can get laid.
The caller told Howard that he has been locked up in another country where he experienced the horrible conditions. He said that he could be a CEO if he wanted to be but that's up to him. The caller said that he lives off the generosity of his family. He said he has the basics and that's all he needs. Howard said that's why this guy is asking about this. He said that he's living with his family and women aren't going to be attracted to guys who live with their parents.
Howard said that he got a note saying that the guy leaves them drunken messages all the time. The caller said he wants to get down there. Howard said that wanting hot chicks is materialistic too.
The caller asked if it's true that his wife doesn't shit more than once a month. Howard said that's about right. The caller said that she's really ''full of shit.'' Howard said he sees guys like this on SternFanNetwork who just bad mouth his wife all the time.
Howard said his wife is very charitable and she's involved with people who do good things. The caller asked Howard if his wife is catholic and if he's starting to get into that. Howard said he's not but he doesn't understand the question. The caller said that he should be more open if he's getting into that lifestyle. Howard said he doesn't think that's what's happening. He said that he is starting to become attracted to young boys so maybe that's got something to do with the Catholic way.
Howard asked the caller where he was locked up in this other country. He said he was in Peru and he was drunk down there so they sent him to this rehab center. He said that there were guys there who would put hot sauce on people's wounds and stuff. The caller said that it lasted like 9 months total down there.
Howard said it sounds like he was probably dealing drugs and they took him somewhere. The caller said that's not what happened. He said he was just drunk. Howard said that this guy, Steven, has said a lot but he's not sure what he's driving at. Steve said he's just looking to talk to Howard more. Howard said he's looking to get out of this whole conversation. He let the guy go a short time later.
Howard said that guy sounds like he's angry in general and that was a very weird call. Howard said he sounded like he wanted to bash Beth but he wasn't quite doing it.
Howard said he'd have to stop if he heard a woman doing that while he was doing her. He said he'd be afraid of going to jail. The clip went on for a couple of minutes and the woman was screaming in what sounded like pain the whole time.
Howard wondered if she could possibly be hot looking. Sal came in and told Howard that she's a hot red head and she weighs about 90 pounds. Sal told Howard that the guy is pounding on her and it looks like she's going to get lost in the pillows like change.
Sal said she looks like she's in pain but when the guy pulls out she looks elated and happy. Sal said that chick is built like a girl scout but she's taking a fire hydrant up her ass.
Sal said there's a chick on her knees in the video and she pulls the penis out and sucks on it out of the other girl's ass and then puts it right back in. Sal said that she doesn't need to subject herself to that but she does and that's what turns him on.
Howard said that sound she was making was tremendous. Howard tried to do it but he didn't last for more than two seconds.
Sal said that clip was sent to them by a woman. Sal said he'd like to see what that chick looks like. Howard played the clip again and let it go for a while. Robin wondered if Lisa G is wild like that and they don't even know it. She said that after the Letterman thing you never know.
Howard said that Jimmy Kimmel is getting shrapnel from the whole Letterman thing. Howard said he feels bad for him about that. He said that even he gets thrown in there with Letterman and he hasn't done anything.
Howard said that Kimmel is being outed for dating someone on his staff but that's really not the same thing that Dave was doing. Jimmy isn't married. He's also not trying to hide the fact that he's dating someone. Howard said it can lead to bad things but it's really not a scandal. Howard said that Jimmy's staff are giving out information and saying that they do resent the woman he's seeing. Robin said that's what she's talking about. That's what can lead to trouble when the boss is dating someone on the staff.
Gary came in and said that when they were at WNBC Imus hired his girlfriend to work for the show and they fired Al Rosenberg over that. That's kind of what people are afraid of when the boss starts dating someone like that.
The caller said that he had some crazy stories when he was on and they're great. The caller was also asking about angry Ronnie and what's up with him lately. The caller said that Ronnie is in therapy but it doesn't seem to be helping.
Howard said Ronnie gets a lot of attention when he yells and screams. He said he knows Ronnie off the air and he's not like that. Robin said he's the guy at the party who gets crazy. Howard said he's the guy on the air that gets really angry. That's his shtick.
Howard played some audio from yesterday's Wrap Up Show where Ronnie went off on Jason. He and Jason were yelling at each other for a few minutes on the show. Ronnie got pissed at Jason for talking about him on the air.
Howard said that Ronnie is a little much at these appearances at the strip clubs. Howard said when he goes to the strip clubs he just wants to be in the dark and pretend that this girl likes you. He said he doesn't want to see Ronnie up on stage yelling.
Howard said guys don't want to see other guys. Howard said he pretends that there are no guys in the room when he's getting lap dances. Howard said he'd rather just think about the girl's knee rubbing his penis through his jeans. Howard said you lay up against the couch and just let the chick do whatever she's doing. Howard said he has like 2 minutes to get off and that's all he wants to think about.
Howard played some of Ronnie's yelling at Tootsie's Cabaret down in Miami. Ronnie was yelling at the guys to wake up. Howard said guys don't want to wake up in a strip club.
Howard said they should transcribe the clip to see who can do the best recreation of the clip. That led to Howard counting the number of ''Yeahs'' Ronnie says in the clip. Ronnie came in and told Howard that the room wasn't dark down there that day. He said they had a feature dancer there and the room was lit up.
Howard told Ronnie to go find Artie. He said he's already heard some things about Artie but that's his business. Robin was wondering what that was but Howard didn't elaborate.
Howard got back to the Ronnie clip and started to count the number of ''yeahs'' again. Ronnie was yelling at everyone and asking who wanted ''a fucking t-shirt.'' They were throwing them out to the crowd. Howard wondered if the chicks dig guys who are in a Tootsie's t-shirt. Ronnie said ''Oh yeah.'' Howard asked Robin if she would ever date a guy who was wearing a Tootsie's t-shirt. Robin said that wouldn't happen.
Ronnie heard that Robin was down in Miami when he was down there. Robin said she was at her home in Long Beach Island. She may have spoken to someone down there but she wasn't in Miami.
Ronnie told Howard that Brian Phelan counted 15 ''yeahs'' in that clip yesterday. Fred said they were already up to 10. They continued the clip and kept counting the number of yeahs. Howard wondered what people thought about Ronnie who had no idea who he was.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Ronnie is the luckiest guy to be associated with the show. He said he doesn't appear to have any talent at all. Howard said Ronnie started out as his driver and that's the most horrible job. Howard said Ronnie became a security guy and he is very lucky to be working with him. Ronnie agreed with him on that.
Howard said Ronnie had 3 women on top of him at this taping down in Miami. Howard said Ronnie was moaning as that was going on. Howard said the chicks were hot too. Fred was astounded when the Howard TV guys showed him some of the video.
Howard said the girls didn't seem to mind Ronnie putting his arm around them either. Howard said the caliber of the girls down there was very high. Ronnie said they're very hot down there. He said they're from all over the country too.
Howard checked out some of the girls and saw one hot one who went by the name Alex. Howard said that the Ronnie stuff is going to be on Howard TV tonight at midnight. Ronnie talked that up like he was at the strip club.
Howard said he had a clip of Ronnie moaning when the stripper got on top of him. Ronnie said he was a little wasted that night so he's not sure what happened there.
Howard played that clip where the feature dancer got on Ronnie and he started to moan. Robin said he sounds like that chick getting anal. Howard played that clip to compare the two. Howard said this reminds him of that movie Striptease.
Ralph called in and said that Ronnie is a buffoon. He said that the clubs are just looking for plugs on the show and now they're probably embarrassed. Howard said that Ronnie just has to go up, say a quick hello and get off stage. Ralph pointed out the way Ronnie was cursing the guys out there and how embarrassing it was.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Ronnie has been doing this for a while now. He said he always yells at someone on the show. The caller said he had a problem with Ronnie at K-Rock one day when he was standing outside waiting for them to show up. Ronnie was pumping his chest out like he was a tough guy and told him to back up. He said Ronnie thinks he's more important than he really is. The caller said that Ronnie is like 5'4'' tall and his wife is taller than that.
Another caller asked if Ronnie's appearances have anything to do with his divorce. Ronnie asked if it really makes a difference to the guy. The caller said that it shows what a buffoon he is if it did. Ronnie said that a lot of things lead down that road.
Another caller asked to get the Ronnie at Tootsie's thing off the air. The caller said he didn't want to listen to the ''Yeah! Fuck Yeah!'' thing all morning. The caller said he would watch the special though.
Another guy said that Ronnie makes him sick. He said he's living paycheck to paycheck and this guy is making money to do that bullshit at the strip clubs. Ronnie said that Rick's has been really good to him. He gets paid very well. Howard said he had to take a break after that. Howard said he has to take that break because they have to play commercials. He wanted to make sure that everyone understands that since that guy on the Wrap Up Show didn't. Ronnie got in a plug for another appearance he's making at Mulcahey's Pub this week. They talked about that for a minute before they went to break.
Howard came back and said he saw that Captain Lou Albano died. He said he was the guy that was in the old Cyndi Lauper video. Howard said he thought the guy was old when he was in her video but he was only 76 when he died.
Howard said that Iron Sheik always has a problem with everyone so they were going to get a comment from him about Lou. Howard said he told Gary they should but Gary thought he didn't get back to him. Howard said he thought he responded but no one got the response.
Gary got upset with Howard for doing an impression of him but Howard told him it was an accurate one. He said he wasn't mocking him, he was just talking about what they discussed.
Howard said he was out last night with his daughter. He said he ate like a pig at the Italian place they went to. Howard said he asked them to bring him out one small portion and they brought out this huge portion. Howard said they don't know what ''small'' is at that place. They were at Mateo's restaurant.
Robin told Howard what she ate last night and it was just vegetables. Howard said that what she eats doesn't sound good to him. Howard asked if she drank. Robin said she didn't drink either. Howard said that Robin appears to be getting skinnier. Robin said she has another 10 to lose. Howard said he doesn't want to see her go back up. She said she hasn't yet.
Howard said Robin did put a few back on for a while. Robin said that's not true. Howard said it must have been what she was wearing then.
Howard asked Robin if she's still running. She said she pulled a muscle so she hasn't been running. Howard told her if she wanted to pull a muscle she should come over to him.
Robin said she's been doing Yoga lately and she thinks it's great. She said she's doing the stinky Yoga (Bikram Yoga) where you get all sweaty doing it. Howard asked if she's self conscious about it at all because you're in the room with other people. Robin said you're in your own place when you do it and it's great.
Will came in and said he tried to do the Bikram Yoga but the gym was so stinky that he couldn't take it. Howard said he's been told that he was the worst Yoga student ever. Howard said he does weights and he runs. He said he looks reasonable. He can't say he looks great.
Howard said you'd think that you'd build up the ass by running but that apparently isn't working for him. He said he still has craters in his ass. Howard said he does squats but that doesn't help. Robin told him to try Yoga instead.
Howard and Lisa talked about working out and how hard it is. Howard said that he got his mother's side of the family's ass. He said that's the Shiffman ass.
Lisa said that Mike Gange is back to work and he called Ronnie to tell him how disappointed he was that he didn't get to go to Miami with him.
Lisa said that Captain Dennis refused to go on record about Robin's meltdown. She said that Dennis said that might not go over too well with Robin if he did an interview. Robin said that she told them that they could contact Dennis but they had to find him on their own.
Lisa said that the Iron Sheik is upset with Brian Blair and he's spoken to Shuli about that. Howard said that Blair was saying a lot of stuff about Sheik from what he heard. Howard said he thinks there were a bunch of statements that he made about Sheik but he didn't want to say until he had the clip to play.
Howard had the clip within seconds. JD had pulled it and told him where it was. Howard said that he loves JD but he's also loving that Tourette's Pete guy. Howard said that the fans love Pete too so he'll have to read some mail about that.
Howard played the Brian Blair clip that he was talking about. Blair talks about how the Sheik has changed and went into some stuff about his past claiming that he smoked crack on a flight one time and that he had a young boy on the flight with him. Blair claims that Sheik molested that young boy too. Howard said they have to get Sheik on the air and let him respond to that stuff.
Lisa didn't know about that stuff since Shuli was the one working on the story. Howard told Gary to get Sheik on the phone so he can talk to him about this. Gary said they were working on it.
Lisa said that the guys are going to be doing another Geektime show this Saturday at 2pm on Howard 101. They have a new segment called ''Ralph's comic book club'' coming up this week. Howard let Lisa go after that.
Howard asked Sheik if he had heard the clip of Brian Blair talking about him on the internet. Sheik said that he had heard it and he thinks that he was trying to get even with him. He said that he is ready to fight him and he can bring anyone he wants with him.
Howard asked Sheik what he has to say about Blair's claims that he was smoking crack and molesting a boy. Sheik said he is a liar and he didn't do that. He said that Blair is lying and he is a good man and he's very happy.
Robin said that's slanderous though. Howard asked if he's going to sue him over that. Sheik said he's not worth the trouble. Howard said he knows that he's very proud and he should do something about it. Sheik said he's a good man but he's not going to sue him.
Howard asked Sheik why he would put up with this. Sheik just said that it's not worth the trouble. Sheik told Howard that he hopes to be able to come back to see Howard soon. Howard thanked him for the call and let him go a short time later. Sheik was very subdued this morning so Robin pointed that out. Robin asked if he's back with the Killers of Comedy. Howard said he's not yet. He said he doesn't think he understood anything the guy said.
Howard was going to play more of the Brian Blair clip but it was pretty much over. He said he would definitely sue the guy if he were Sheik though. Howard said that you'd think that he'd want to do something about that.
Howard read some email about George Takei and his time with them this week. The fans loved him as they always do. Howard read through a bunch of emails about him on the show and his appearance on the Newlywed Game.
Howard said there was one negative email about him but that was a rare thing. Howard read that one and then some more positive emails. Howard said he loves when George is on the show. He loves his voice so he did an impression of him.
Howard read some stuff about Pete the Tourettes intern. Howard said they really have to get this guy laid. He said that someone suggested they get Tabitha Stevens to come out and do him. Howard said they were going to have Tabitha do that guy who had the moles all over his body but he put a stop to that. Howard said the kid's life is tragic and he started to feel that they were pushing Tabitha into the situation and he didn't want to be a part of that. Howard said it didn't feel right to him. He started to feel like a pimp so he turned to Gary and told him he didn't want to be in that business.
Howard said they could do a dial-a-date thing with him like they're going to do with Pete. Howard said that they may not get anyone who is really into him though.
Gary told Howard that Pete was on the Intern Show last night and he was talking about how having sex with a hooker and how impersonal it felt to him. Pete claimed that it was Howard who made him do that. Howard told Pete to come in after that.
Pete came in and told Howard that it was because of Howard that he went to the hooker. Pete said he had to get rid of his virginity. He said he didn't remember what Howard told him that day. Pete said that Howard may not have told him to do that. Howard said he would never tell him he had to go to one. Pete said it wasn't a demand from him.
Howard asked Pete about the hooker who cost him $200. Pete said that she was kind of hot to him. He didn't think he could compare her to any famous people. Pete said that she was in the middle ground somewhere. Howard said she probably looked like Jason Kaplan with a wig.
Howard asked Pete about how long he was thrusting around inside of the chick. Pete said he's not that familiar with the lingo but he thinks it was about 10 minutes. Howard asked what positions he was doing. Pete said they started out doggy style. He said that he finished on top.
Howard found it odd that the chick started out doggy style. Howard said maybe she didn't want to look at Pete. Pete said that might be it. Howard said he can't last more than a second doing it doggy style. He said he can last a while from the side or in the missionary position. Howard said doggy feels too good. Howard said it sucks if the chick has a stinky ass. Pete said that this chick smelled fine.
Robin asked Pete if he gave the hooker oral. He said he didn't but Howard asked him to tell the truth. Pete insisted that he didn't do it. Howard said he hasn't given up on Pete yet. He said that if anyone is interested in going out with him then send pictures and information to contest@howardstern.com.
Howard said he can't do this for the guy every week so you have to be serious about the date. Howard said he doesn't want people just coming in to meet him. Pete was rambling so Howard figured he was just having a Tourettes moment. Pete said that's exactly what it was. He didn't even know what he was saying.
Howard talked to Pete about what inspires him and Pete said there was a baseball player who had the same kind of shit going on. He said that he connected with the guy and sent him a letter. He got a letter back and he's kept it. Pete said that meant a lot to him. Howard said that Pete should hook up with other Tourettes guys. He's going after famous ones though, not regular Tourettes people. Howard said he's a Tourettes star fucker.
Howard said he has to get this guy a girl. Howard asked Pete if he would go out with a one eyed girl. Pete said that he'd take anything at this point. He said he'd go out with a one legged chick. He said he'd go out with a schizophrenic too.
Howard asked if he'd go out with a Neo-Nazi. Pete wasn't sure about that. Howard said that would be her only flaw but that's a pretty hard one to deal with.
Howard asked Pete if he would date a burn victim. Pete said yes to just about everyone. He said he would entertain anything at this point. Howard asked if he would go out with a retarded girl. Pete said he might. He said he wouldn't go out with a chick who was born a hermaphrodite. He said he'd have to think about it if she had her penis cut off. Howard said he would go out with her if she was as good looking at that chick Toula they had on the show.
Howard asked if he would go out with a cougar type. Pete said he's thought about that and he probably would. Howard asked Pete if he would bang Martha Stewart. Pete said she's a hot older woman so he would do her.
Howard asked Pete if any racial thing goes. Pete said he doesn't have any problems with black chicks. The receptionist there is black and he has a crush on her. Pete said she's pretty smoking.
Howard asked Pete if there are any chicks that he wouldn't do. Pete said he's like a rabid monkey and he's ready to go. Robin asked if he wants to have kids. He said he'd like to have kids some day.
Howard asked if Pete would date a fat chick. Pete had to think about that one. Howard asked if he would date a woman who looks like Oprah. Pete said he would. Pete was willing to do just about any woman. Howard asked if he would do a terminally ill cancer patient. Pete said yes to that.
Howard asked if he would date a chick with full blown AIDS. Pete said he didn't think he would do that. He said he'd have to think about it depending on how hot she was. Howard said that she'd look like Megan Fox but she'd have full blown AIDS. Howard said maybe she's in remission from it though. Pete thought about that one too and said that he would say no to that.
Howard asked Pete if he would do a dead chick that looked like Megan Fox. Pete didn't seem interested in that. Howard asked if he would go out with a Paris Hilton who was suicidal. Pete said yes to that. Howard asked if he would go out with Sal's wife. Pete said sure to that. Howard said he would date Sal's wife too.
Howard said anything goes except someone with AIDS. Pete said he's a pretty nice guy. He said he would date a paraplegic. Howard asked if he would go out with a chick who looks like Kate Hudson but she's paralyzed. Pete said yes to everything except the AIDS chick.
Howard kept coming up with different chicks that he could date. He kept the conversation going with girl after girl. The chicks Howard was coming up with were all hot looking but had some major issue like being stuck in a wheelchair.
Howard wrapped up with Pete and told the girls that he's available. He came up with one more woman who had a shit bag attached to her side. Pete said that would be tough. He didn't say no to that though.
Howard asked Pete if he would date any cousins. He said he has a huge family and he has a lot of cousins and he's not against dating any of them.
Howard asked if Pete would date his mom. Pete said he would do that. Howard said his mother is 80 years old. Howard imagined how that conversation might go. He did an impression of her for a short time.
Howard asked Gary if they had gotten any emails yet. Gary said they just started it this morning so they didn't have anything yet. Howard told him to check if they had anything yet. Gary said Will was going to check it.
Gary said they did get one email from a guy but he wanted to date Robin. Howard said that's wrong and that email is just for the Pete dating game. Howard came up with more chicks for Pete to bang. He asked if he would go out with a chick who looked like Angelina Jolie but has throat cancer and just uses one of those cancer kazoos to speak. Pete was up for that as well.
Howard said Pete is good on the air unlike JD. He said that JD is very picky about the chicks he wants to date but Pete is saying yes to just about everything.
Howard said Pete and Gary were wearing the same jacket and jeans. It looked like they called each other before coming to work.
Gary said that JD is trying to find ways to goof on Pete. He said that they should be trying to get JD laid too. JD came in and said that everyone gets fucked with on the show and he's just fucking with Pete. Howard said that JD is jealous that they're doing this for Pete and not him. JD said he's not jealous at all.
Howard asked Pete if he could do JD's job. JD said that was going too far. Howard asked Pete if he could find clips. Pete said he watches a lot of TV and he could find clips just like him. Howard told JD if he fucks up he's got his replacement right there.
Howard asked Pete if he would go out and do interviews. Pete said he would. Howard figured that no one would even talk to him.
Howard asked Robin if she would date Pete. Robin said he's a little too young for her. She said he is a sweetheart though. They had to go to break after that.
Howard came back and said he was watching this Lamas TV (Leave it to Lamas) show and it's really good. He said that's not the name of it but it has Lorenzo Lamas' family in it. Howard said that they're as loony as you can imagine. Howard said that people have to be shitheads to get a reality show now. Howard said the show isn't about Lorenzo, it's about his kids. Howard said he is part of the show though because he is their dad.
Howard said the daughter is a nitwit and the ex-wife is desperate to be on camera. He said she's not a good looking woman and she's plastic surgeried out of her mind. The son apparently does nothing. He said that he's too lost to get his act together. Howard said you end up hating these people.
Howard said he and Beth watch the show and they are riveted. He said the daughter is cute so she's fun to watch. Howard said that the kids are good looking but the mother is heinous looking. Howard said that Lorenzo had a career at some point so he's kind of interesting. The show is on E! but he hates to promote that.
Howard said he misses Danny Bonaduce's show the most. He said he was the most nuts and came close to killing himself for that show.
Howard played another clip where Larry makes a weird snorting sound after playing a clip. Howard said that he's erupting like an old man now.
Howard said Larry's ex-wife has refused to come in and take her lie detector test so he's thinking that maybe she did cheat on him.
Howard said he had a clip of Mickey Rourke saying ''faggot'' and TMZ got a hold of the tape and goofed on him. Howard played that audio where Mickey was being himself and not being ''robo Mickey'' like he does in normal interviews. Mickey was saying that faggot doesn't mean gay to him. He was talking about sports and how that's what he uses to call someone a name if they can't catch a football.
Howard played a clip of Jillian Barberie using Artie's name in a conversation when someone pointed out that she never calls in sick. She said that she is no Artie Lange. Howard said that the question is ''Is Artie really sick?''because he's written in his book that he's never been sick when he's called in.
Howard said that no one believes that he's really sick other than Jon Hein. Howard said Jon is the only one who believes Artie. Howard said he wishes that Artie would come in and tell them the truth. Robin said he'll tell them the truth in a few months.
Howard said that if it is drug related he will lie about it. Howard said he doesn't have to say he's sick. Howard said he doesn't believe that he is sick at all now. He said he's on the bandwagon with everyone else who thinks that he's lying.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and told Howard she's on his side in the Artie thing. Mariann said that Pete should get Artie's chair. She said that he's cute and adorable. Howard said that the three day weeks are hard so he has to excuse him.
Howard said that Beth wouldn't have been mean to him. Eric said he was just joking around about that. Howard told him he has to put a disclaimer on that stuff from now on.
Eric said that he read on the internet that Howard said something about him wishing that they were still on break after taking his call. Howard said his call wasn't very strong so he was being sarcastic himself. Eric said he noticed he made a comment about Kelly Clarkson using to being cute. Howard said that's right. Howard said she's not good looking and she's beefing up to look like a man from what he read. Howard said they speculate that she's trying to be a man. Eric said he'd be better off going after Fred. At least he's thin.
Eric said he's going down to L.A. for the pay-per-view that they're shooting for TNA wrestling. Robin told him that's something he should Twitter. Eric said that they asked him to mention it. Howard said of course they did.
Howard said that Eric was getting some negative feedback in the email. Howard took a call from a guy who said that Eric should be in jail for stealing credit cards and ripping people off. Eric said that credit card shit was all a joke. Eric told the guy that he had it all wrong.
Howard let Eric go and took a call from Artie Lange (Audio clips). Artie was saying that he wasn't bullshitting anyone. The guys had the clips saying that he wasn't lying and he really is sick. They had him laughing a lot too. Howard said Artie sounded really happy. Artie said that he'd rather work by himself.
Howard told Paulina that she's very hot and asked her if she's single. She said she is. Robin asked if she met Pete. She said that Pete asked her out and she said that you never know what might happen. Howard said that's part of her duties to date Pete. She said that was just terrific.
Howard asked Paulina if she would be an intern over at Letterman's show. She said she would do that, it might be interesting. Howard said that she must be a real player.
Howard read that Paulina was wearing a sweatshirt. She said she's not used to the cold because she's from Arizona. Paulina said she's in the Tempe 12 calendar and that's what the t-shirt was from. She said she doesn't get paid to be in that calendar though.
Mike Gange came in and said that there's a guy who owns the calendar and he makes money but the girls don't get paid. Howard said that it's a promotional thing for her then.
Paulina is 20 years old and she's not a virgin. Howard said that he's pretty sure that none of their Miss Howard TVs have been virgins. Paulina said she lost her virginity at 17. Howard said that she's almost like a virgin. She's had 5 guys in 3 years so Howard said that might be a lot. He said that if she has a couple more then she might be in trouble.
Howard asked Paulina if she's Mexican. She said she's part Italian but not Mexican. She might look that way because she's so tan.
Howard read that Paulina has never had an orgasm with a man. Robin asked why she bothers having sex. Paulina said she was thinking the same thing. She said she's not gay but she's not sure what's wrong with her. Robin said maybe she's not getting enough foreplay. Howard said he can't imagine a guy not spending enough time on her.
Paulina said that most of the guys she's with are players who are young and maybe she's looking at the wrong guys. Howard said that's what he was going to say. He said maybe she's just got the wrong guys. She said none of them have treated her nicely.
Paulina also doesn't masturbate. She said she might be one of the least sexual people that they'll ever meet. Howard asked her what she did when he tried masturbating. She said she was at her own place and she made it all romantic for herself. She said she did it in her bed and made it like it was a date or something. Paulina said she took a bath first, set some candles, got out of bed, looked at herself in the mirror and got into bed. Paulina said she was wearing an outfit and worked on herself.
Howard said that maybe she's masturbating wrong. She didn't have a finger inside herself. Paulina said that she wasn't feeling anything at all. Howard asked if she touched her love button. Paulina said she did and she did it for a while and got nothing. She thought about guys while she was doing it and still got nothing.
Ronnie came in and told her to take her shirt off. He also said that she must be dead inside too because she can't have an orgasm. Paulina did take off her shirt and Howard said that she's got a body built for sex. Howard said she must have some kind of mental block in there. Howard said Robin can sit on her foot and orgasm.
Howard asked Paulina if she has tried going to a doctor. She said she hasn't done that. She said she does feel something down there but not what people describe. Robin said she may be too young. She's never had an orgasm at all.
Howard said he would lick over her and get her going. She said she's not into that when guys do it. Howard said maybe she should try anal. Paulina said she's not into that either.
Howard asked why her dad was there with her today. She said that he's Howard's biggest fan. Howard asked if he knew all of this stuff. She said he does now.
Howard asked if Paulina ever gets wet down there when she's with a guy. She said that she can but it has to be the right guy. She said she's turned off by small penises and things like that. Paulina said she has never been in love either so that might be a problem.
Howard saw that Paulina had been to the Playboy mansion. She said that Tom Green hit on her there and asked her back to his place. Paulina didn't go. She said that he wasn't her type. She also met Benjy Madden who is in the band Good Charlotte. She said that he was an ass and he was very mean to her. She said that he ignored her when she asked to take a picture with him. She said that he didn't even look like he wanted to be there with her.
Howard asked Paulina if she wanted to go out with Benjy. She said she would. Benjy told her that he could get her off in 20 minutes guaranteed. She said that every guy tells her that. Paulina asked him to stand up but he figured it would be better if he didn't. He stood up and she told him that he's cute. It sounded like she was ready to go out with him. Benjy said they'll go out and have a nice time.
Howard said that Paulina will be their representative for the month on Howard TV. Howard said he feels for her that she hasn't had an orgasm.
Howard said Benjy might be able to help her out there though. She said ''no.'' Benjy still thinks that he can get her off though. He told her that he's up for it if she is. Paulina didn't seem to think that it would work though.
Howard read that Paulina thinks that she's seen ghosts. She said that she did have an experience with a ghost and she heard a door slam one time when she was at a friend's house. She was told that the guy who lived there before them had died and that was the room he died in. She had another experience in her parents home and she was on her bed and felt that someone sat on her bed. She looked up to see who it was and no one was there. She said that freaked her out.
Gary came in and told Howard that the guys were thinking about the Sybian maybe helping her orgasm. Paulina wasn't sure she wanted to do that. Howard said that her father is there too. Gary said he thought about that too. Gary said that it might work for her though and she doesn't have to get naked. Howard said that he could get her dad to operate the controls if she wanted. Paulina said that was sick.
Gary told Paulina what it was and showed her what the attachment looked like. Paulina didn't want to do it. Gary had her come over and just put her hand on it. Paulina went over and touched it as it was running. Howard asked her if she had ever tried a vibrator. She said she hadn't.
Gary told Paulina to put her hand right on the machine and showed her the speed increase. Gary turned it up all the way. She said it sounded like a race car.
Paulina stood near the Sybian and then they asked her to sit on it. She said she might try it with a real person but not in there. Gary said that a person hasn't worked yet though. Howard told her to just try it but she found it just creepy. Howard said it might be creepy but it might work. She didn't do it.
Howard said if she decides to do it then she's welcome to come back and try it out. She said she'd think about it.
Howard said if he were her boyfriend he'd work on her all day and night to give her an orgasm. She said that she has told guys that she can't orgasm and she asks the guys why they can't get her off. She said she has tried it a few times with one guy and they can't get her off. Howard asked if the guys blow their loads real quick. Paulina said that guys don't last long with her.
Howard liked Paulina's bathing suit because he could almost see her vagina. She wasn't sure who made it so Gange went in there and checked. He said she's got a great ass crack. The suit was made by Rygy. Howard let Paulina go and went to break after that. During the break Howard said Benjy got Miss Howard TV's number. Benjy said they were going to go out sometime over the weekend.
Howard came back and said that Miss Howard TV's dad was yelling at her about not sitting on the Sybian. Gary said that the dad wants to sit in there for that. He said there's no way that she'd get off with her dad sitting in there.
Howard said Benjy got her number and Gange stood there watching it. Howard had the father come in. His name is John. Howard asked him some questions about his daughter not having orgasms and stuff. Howard said that he's not sure if his kids are having orgasms. Howard asked him if he really wanted his daughter to try the Sybian. He said he had a different idea of what it was. Gary gave John a tour of the Sybian and showed him what it was. Gary described how it worked and showed him that there was nothing that inserted.
Howard said that she's never going to orgasm with her dad in the room. John said it wasn't that big of a deal but he is worried that she's not having any orgasms. Howard said he has orgasmed with his dad in the room though.
Howard let John go and John thanked him for letting him come in. John said hi to his girlfriend and his ex-wife before getting out. Paulina told him to leave already. She was whining for him to just leave.
Gary showed Paulina how to ride the Sybian. He told her how she was going to sit on it like she would sit on a horse. Paulina got on the machine and said that nothing was going to happen. Howard told her she has to think about something that turns her on. Paulina said she was going to think about Affliction clothing.
Howard told Paulina to give it a chance and if she didn't like it she could walk away. Gary had a mask on and Paulina told him it was creepy. Howard asked if she would rather see his face. She told Gary to keep it on.
Will told Paulina she wasn't sitting on the thing the right way. Howard told her to concentrate on him. They lowered the lights in the studio and Howard told her to think about Brody Jenner. She has a crush on him. She wasn't sure how Howard knew that though.
Gary started the Sybian and Paulina just shook her head. Howard told her to just relax and go with it. Howard told Gary to pump it up. Paulina said that it wasn't doing anything for her. Gary said she wasn't even really on it. She was afraid of something she saw on the machine. It was an attachment for putting something else on.
Gary tried to help her fit on the machine but she really wasn't into it. Gary told her to get her love button on the prickly part on the machine. She eventually did that. Gary told her that now she has contact. Gange told her to lean into it.
Howard had Gary turn it all the way up. It didn't do anything. Benjy told her that she needs the opposite of that. He said that she needs something softer. Howard told him to turn off his love voice. Benjy said that's the way he speaks all the time.
Gary said that she really didn't try it at all. He said she didn't put any effort into it. Gary said she already convinced herself that it wasn't going to happen. Howard thanked her for coming in and let her go. He said that she's gorgeous. He gave her some plugs and said you can see her on HowardTV.com and Tempe12.com
Robin asked Howard if he knows when she had her first orgasm. Howard figured that Robin was about 12 when she had her first orgasm. Robin said that she was actually about 5. That was when she was by herself and not with a man.
Howard asked Robin when she had sex with a man for the first time. Robin said that she was 25 before she had an orgasm with a man. Robin said that might be the problem with Paulina. It might just be her age.
Howard had Mike get to his game so here's how it goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Steve said they have a story about Pete the Intern who would like to host his own show. They have more on that story. They also have a story about Ass Napkin Ed selling back stage tickets to Artie's comedy show in Rochester. Ed also thinks that he's going to be doing 30 minutes of material on stage.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview next. He quickly ran down his list of subjects for today's show. They spent a short time talking about Benjy's possible date with Paulina.
Mutt from Superfan Roundtable called in with his show preview. He said they'll be talking about Artie missing out on the week. They'll also talk about Ronnie's character at the strip clubs and Tourettes Pete.
Robin started her news with a story about a sequel to the Dracula books that have been written by Bram Stoker's great grand nephew. The book is getting good reviews according to Robin. That led to Howard talking about these movies where vampires refuse to eat people and how that pisses him off. He said that they're vampires, that's what they're supposed to do.
Robin read a story about a 22 inch tall Napalese man who wants to go into the record books for his height. Howard said that guy has it worse than Tourettes Pete does. Howard said that guy is never going to find a chick. He said that's short even compared to a regular midget.
Howard said he would get an abortion if he knew he was going to have a midget kid. Robin said it's good that he won't have kids then. Howard said he wouldn't like it. He said he would be embarrassed if he had a kid like that. Howard said he's just being honest. He said he'd abort a retarded kid too. Robin said that's different than a midget. Robin said she wouldn't abort a midget. Howard said he knows he could love a midget. He said he'd be a good dad to one. He's so tall though.
Fred said he would abort too. Howard said Fred would abort a child that would be the size of Ronnie. Robin said she thinks that Ronnie should be aborted. Fred threw in some of Ronnie's yelling ''Yeahhhhh!'' clips during that discussion.
Robin read about Rush Limbaugh being thrown out of the group that was trying to buy the St. Louis Rams. She had more details on that story. Robin had some audio of Rush talking about his past drug use and how he doesn't have any problems anymore. Howard said he's an asshole and he's glad they won't let him have a football team.
Robin had a story about A-Rod and Kate Hudson. Robin wondered if she was going to be a detriment to him. He's been hanging out with her a lot lately.
Robin had some news about Avril Lavigne and her husband breaking up. They were married for 3 years and 1 month. Howard told Benjy to go after her next. He said she's a hot little piece. Howard said that they were kids when they got married and he knew that wouldn't last. Howard said her husband was a tiny little guy too. He said he might be the shortest dude he's ever seen.
Robin read some news about Anna Nicole Smith and Larry Birkett. She had some audio of him talking about why he thought all of her pills were legitimate.
Robin had some other details about Anna Nicole Smith and Howard K. Stern as well. She read about how some people may have witnessed Stern giving her drugs with a needle. Howard asked Robin how long he could end up in jail for that. Howard said he hopes that people would know that he's not the same Howard Stern after that.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked about Transcendental Meditation and if they charge to go. He said this place he wanted to go to was $2,500. Howard said that they do charge but it's a one time fee. Howard said that you pay the one time and you can go to centers as many times as you want after that. Howard told him to look into it more because he wasn't sure about the fee. Howard said Beth just started doing it and it may have been somewhere in that range. Howard said he did it when he was 18 but it was only $100 back then.
Robin said that Jon and Kate Plus 8 is going to be ending in November. They have announced that and they did that because Jon Gosslin has demanded that his kids not be in anymore episodes. They were going to shoot Kate Plus 8 but Jon has demanded they stop. Howard said that they're a couple of stupid asses. Howard said Jon is a douche and a stupid ass.
Howard got a new Tiny Tim record in the mail. Howard said they must have gone through the archives and found some new material. Howard played some of that.
Howard said he hates scary movies but he wanted to see that movie ''Drag Me to Hell.'' Howard said he takes them too seriously. He can't sleep after he sees that stuff. Robin said that movie was actually very good. Howard said he has that on Blu-Ray so he'll be watching it this weekend.
Robin said that CBS is investigating itself. They're looking into 48 Hours and the whole Halderman / David Letterman connection. Howard said they have to because they'd look like hypocrites if they didn't.
Ralph called in and told Howard that ''Drag Me to Hell'' was good but it's not all that scary. Its' kind of funny scary.
Robin read some news about the stock market getting up over 10,000 yesterday. Everyone was celebrating when it got that high. They're not sure if they can maintain that though.
Robin said that the United States still has the most billionaires in it. China comes in at number 2. She said they're coming up fast though.
Robin had some news about some new movies that are coming out. Jamie Foxx is in one. She realized she talked about that yesterday so she dropped it. She said that Arsenio Hall is in a new movie too. She had some audio of him talking about that.
Robin had some audio of Raven Simone talking about her hair and why she styles it the way she does. She's in the movie ''Good Hair'' so that's why she was on that subject. She had some audio of Chris Rock talking about the movie too.
Robin had some audio of Tracy Morgan talking about the fourth season of ''30 Rock.'' Howard played those clips and didn't cut them off like he does with so many other audio clips.
Robin read that Al Pacino may have traded sex for free housing when he was 20 and living in Italy. Robin said they claim that Pacino made those claims himself. Robin wrapped up her news a short time later. Howard ended the show around 10:35am.
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Jon ran down the list of subjects he wanted to cover and started off with Paulina Sherwood, the latest Miss Howard TV.
Gary said that people get mad at her for not having an orgasm and she's really just a kid. Gary said that she seems like a nice kid who is just young and kind of ditzy. Gary said that there was no cracking that nut in that room in 5 minutes. Gary said he wasn't really mad at her, he was kind of frustrated with her.
Jon asked Will Murray if he got that vibe too. Will said that she told them that she wasn't that into sex before they hired her so maybe they don't want her to play that part. Will said she is smokin' hot though.
Gary said that there isn't a shortage of hot chicks who want to be on the show. Gary said that some of the girls don't have the Miss Howard TV looks but they do have plenty who have crazy personalities.
Jon asked if Will was saying that they need a different type for that role. Will said he thought that they'd want wilder girls to play that part. Mike Gange came in so Jon asked him about that.
Gange said that this girl was interviewed in a different way than they usually do. Gange said she looked good in the pictures but they didn't see her in person. Gary said that they should Skype them or something then. Gange said he doesn't have Skype but maybe he'll do that. Gary said that you need to see how the girls move and you might want to get them on video to see how they move.
Gange said that they kind of booked her off of her looks and then it went to them finding something interesting. Gange said it's a catch 22 and they might book someone who isn't that good looking and they have a good personality.
Gange said that they have a lot of girls who just aren't good looking. Gary said that he's seen the Maxim girls walk through there and they should be able to get girls like that. Gange said if there are girls out there like that they can find out more through their web site.
Jon said that this girl may not have been that sexual but even that was a good story. He said it was something to talk to her about.
Gary asked what the benefits of being a Miss Howard TV are. Gange said they like to find girls who are local but if someone is willing to fly in they'll think about them. Gange said they pay the girl for the day, they give them lunch, they get to host a program on Howard TV and they get to talk about themselves a little bit. He said they are allowed to promote their stuff too. They also get their own web page on the Howard TV web site.
Jon asked Gange if he still does his video interviews with the girls. Gange said he was told that they weren't doing it anymore. Gange said that he doesn't know who canceled that but it's gone now.
Jon asked the guys about Benjy getting Paulina's number. Gange said he's just letting her go to Benjy because she's not his type. Gange said that he has a girl next door type that he likes. He wasn't that into this chick.
A caller asked if Benjy got her real number. Benjy said that it was real and it had the right number of numbers in it.
The caller asked Benjy if he is in her league. Gange said that he's really not. The caller said that there must be something wrong with the girl if she's willing to go out with Benjy. Benjy isn't intimidated by her according to Gary. He said that Benjy approached her like he should be going out with her.
Gary said that Paulina shockingly bit on to what Benjy was saying about trying to get her off. The caller said he was shocked at the way she reacted to Gary wearing the mask. Gary said that he actually looked a lot like her dad.
Another caller asked Gange about how he screws up and comes out with these lines about why he did what he did. Gange said he didn't screw up and thought that her story was interesting. Ronnie came in and didn't seem to believe that she was actually 20.
The guys talked about her dad coming in and checking out the Sybian and how that was kind of the saving grace. Gange said he tried to get the dad not to come in actually. Will pointed that out.
Gary said he heard the father being interviewed by Howard TV and he was saying that he was very happy with the way the interview went. He said he expected the worst and got the best. Gary wondered what he was expecting if that was the best.
Jon asked why she was wearing a sweatshirt in there. Gange said he told her to take her sweatshirt off the second she got in there. Gange said that he told her that twice and she didn't do it. He didn't want to make a big deal out of it. Ronnie said he should have.
Will said that she had a perfect body too and he expected it to be a mess. Gange said that it could have been nerves. Ronnie saved the day when he came in and made her take that sweatshirt off.
Another caller asked if this girl has a bigger sex drive than Lisa G. Gary said that this girl is more sexual because Lisa hasn't changed over the years even though she's gotten older. Gary said he thinks that Paulina still has a chance at changing.
Gary said that Lisa doesn't seem to care about wanting to orgasm. Some people live for that but Lisa doesn't seem to care. He said that she might enjoy it but she's not going to go after it like some women would.
Jon asked Ronnie if he thinks that Lisa G has a stronger sex drive than Miss Howard TV. Ronnie said a quick no to that.
Jon took a call from a guy who told Ronnie that Ronnie's show getting canceled was Jon Hein's fault actually. The guys told him that it really wasn't. The caller said he was just trying to get Ronnie all pissed off again.
Another caller said that he's been listening to the show for like 30 years now. He said that the girl today was very attractive and maybe the guys she's been with just want to get their own rocks off and that's why she hasn't had an orgasm. He said that they have to treat her the right way and she'll do the same for them.
Jon asked Benjy if he thinks that's true. Benjy said that there has to be a work up to the heavy vibration of the Sybian and that wasn't going to work for her today.
Jon played a clip of Paulina talking to Howard about trying masturbation and being the least sexual person they'll ever meet.
Gary said that he's not sure what kind of accent she has but it was very much like Paris Hilton. He said that she was saying her ''thank you'' just like Paris does.
Another caller said that there was a column in the paper out in the Phoenix area said that it was basically a joke that they were having her on the show. He said that it was interesting to hear her on the show though.
Gange ended up telling a story about going to a doctor and having a hot chick doctor checking his ass. He said that you want to chub up when you see a doctor like that. Gange said that he had to have his ass checked this one time and the guys wondered why that was. Gange said he doesn't remember what it was for. He said he does tend to get sick a lot though.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Ronnie why he thinks that he could get that chick off and bust a nut. Ronnie said he just figures he could do it. Ronnie said he doesn't have to explain himself to him. The two of them went back and forth goofing on each other for a few minutes.
Jon took a call from a guy who said they have to get the show off the ground again. The show has been in the toilet lately. He said they have to get more naked chicks in there and he wants Ronnie to help out with that. The caller said Howard has to get it going again.
Another caller said that there are some things that are bothering him on the show. He said that Howard isn't very sympathetic to the people who don't have what he has. The guy said that he's in a situation where he has stuff being taken away from him as a teamster. He said they want to cut pay and benefit. He said that he's tired of hearing about these people like Tiger Woods and CEOs making millions. Gary asked the guy if Tiger Woods should say no when he's given an offer like that. The caller asked when it's too much. Gary asked who's supposed to make that decision. The caller said he's just tired of hearing about it. Gary said he thinks that Howard is sympathetic to the people who don't have it. The caller said he agrees but then he said that Howard isn't. He wasn't being clear why he even called. Gary said he's being too vague to answer.
Gary said that he just has to think about himself and not worry about what everyone else is making. The caller said he called into the show to talk about this guy who was making $26,000 to show up to a party and complained about that. They let the guy go on and on but it didn't really tie into the show today. Jon had to let him go after a few minutes.
Jon said there was another guy who said that Howard was becoming more catholic. Gary said that he was wondering if he was but he didn't say he was. Jon said he missed that then. They had to go to break after that.
Jon asked Pete if he's comfortable in the studio. Pete said he's comfortable in there. He said he's nervous at first but it goes away quickly.
Jon said that Pete was wearing the same sweat shirt as Gary today. Pete said that was an accident and he didn't do that on purpose.
Jon played some of the show where Howard was asking Pete about who he would date. After that Jon asked Pete what's going through his head when Howard asks about that stuff. Pete said he was just thinking about someone who won't treat him like shit and someone who will think he's a decent guy and will look past the Tourettes.
Jon said it sounded like he was thinking through the questions. Pete said he did that with each one. The guys asked Pete who he'd really like to date. Pete said he'd like someone around his height, brunette, petite... someone like that.
Benjy asked Pete if he will ask his cousin out. Pete said her boyfriend would kick his ass. Will said ''not to mention your uncle.''
Jon took a call from a guy who said Pete sounds like Sam Kinison and he can see him with his own show on SIRIUS. The caller also brought up Artie calling out sick and asked if it's fun for Howard. He said it's really boring for the listeners. Jon said he's not sure how it's going to play itself out. He said that Artie will come in and tell them if he was sick or not but there is less drama about it these days than there was before.
The caller said he loves Artie and thinks that he got over Jackie pretty quick when Artie came in. He said that the whole sick thing, who the hell cares? He said he doesn't want to hear about it on the air anymore.
Jon said that Artie may or may not talk about what went on there and today they hardly spent any time talking about Artie being out sick. Benjy said he finds it very interesting. He said he thinks that Artie is sick but he may be depressed and run down. Jon said they'll find out on Monday... hopefully.
Another caller said that Pete is good on the show. He also said that he'd like to donate some kind of fund to help Sal and Richard out with money because he feels bad about them not making as much as they might deserve. Jon said that's great but you could support them by going to see their shows and stuff too.
Benjy mentioned that Bob Levy is doing something to help out a former Superfan, Rogny, who died recently. They're trying to raise money to get him a headstone or something.
Jon asked Pete what job he would like there at the show. Pete said he'd like to do anything there. Jon asked if he would like to be able to take Robin's spot on the show. Pete said he would like that role. He said he'd like to be an entertainment reporter type or something like that.
Will said that there are a lot of people who come there and freeze up on the air but Pete is the same on and off the air. Gary said they had a patient from a mental hospital and she lasted about 3 days there. They put her on the air and she told them about the pills she had to take and she still had the bracelet on her wrist from the mental hospital. Gary said she was the same on and off the air too. She went off on Howard off the air just like she did on the air.
Gary said that the girl was in a film that was a major release and they see her in that movie when it plays. Gary said he sees that and thinks about how she was his nutty intern.
Benjy said that Artie kind of gives you a cold shoulder if you try to be nice to him about whatever it is. He'd rather just be left alone according to Gary.
Another caller asked Gary if Artie is being disrespectful to the show by calling in sick, even if he really is sick. He said he feels guilt when he calls in sick and Artie doesn't seem to have that same thing. Gary said that they don't know what Artie is actually feeling. They don't know what's wrong with him and what he's thinking. Gary said he has to take Artie's word on that and just believe that he's sick.
The caller also asked Gary if there is anything they've done on the show that they would never replay again. Gary said that he can't think of anything. He said the only stuff they don't play is the stuff they're told not to play.
Ralph called in to promote the Geektime show they're doing on Saturday. They're going to have some special guests and talk about comic books and TV shows among other things.
Jon asked Ralph what he thinks about Pete. Ralph said that he might end up replacing Steve Grillo. He said that Grillo had better get an affliction quick.
Gary said he heard that Grillo showed up with a pizza there but no one tipped him so he stormed off. Will said that there was some kind of miscommunication and Grillo got upset about it and stormed off. They had to end the show a short time later.
Today's Best of the Week was over around 11:05am.