|Friday||Latest Master Tape Theatre|
Howard started off the show talking about how he won't be commenting on the merger because he doesn't believe that it's happening yet. He said he'll believe it when they're actually on XM. He said that he has a whole speech he's going to make when the merger actually goes through. He said that if he hears that they're going to be on XM and that they have major league baseball on there, then he'll know it's going through.
Howard said that no one is saying anything to him about the merger and he really has no idea what's going on with it. He's not sure why that is but it could have something to do with paranoia over what happened a few years back when there was supposed to be an investigation to see if he was some kind of weird mastermind.
Howard said that he is in the dark about the whole thing. He said that his cousin wrote to him and congratulated him on the merger but it still hasn't gone through. He said that his cousin Richie is a great guy who is really into family and everything but he didn't know why he was congratulating him about the merger. He said that nothing has changed in his life yet so he's holding off on commenting.
Howard said he has a million thoughts that he has on this whole thing but he's holding off on saying anything. Robin asked what it takes to make a merger now that the FCC has approved it. Howard said he doesn't know, no one has told him anything. Howard said that there is no celebration today. He said there may be one some day but nothing today.
Howard told Robin to calm down over there with her smoothies and said that there's no reason to add champagne to them yet. He said that until someone walks in there and does something to show that they're on both services, he's not believing it. He said that he and Oprah may have to make an announcement together. He said he will do that with his penis inside of her.
Howard went on to talk about how he saw Oprah with an alcoholic drink last week and the drink was huge, like something that a cow would be drinking. He said that she had to hold the glass with two hands when she was drinking it. She was apparently on vacation and the photographers caught her drinking that huge thing.
Howard said that he went on vacation one time with about 5 other guys and they have paparazzi over in that place that Oprah was at. He said that a paparazzi guy fell out of a tree when he was checking out of his hotel. He said that they just wait for celebrities to show up so they can take pictures and they camp out in the trees.
Howard said he saw that Brad Pitt just bought some kind of villa over in France and he's not sure where he gets all of this money from. Artie said that he heard he makes a lot of money by doing endorsements over in other countries. He said he heard that he got 30 million just for letting some jeans company put his name on their jeans.
Howard said he heard that some paparazzi were sneaking into his house to get pictures of his new kids. He said that the paparazzi guys can get a couple hundred grand if they get those pictures. Artie said it would be great if they had ugly kids together. Robin said it would be great if just one of the two twins was ugly. Artie said that he wants them to have a 400 pound kid and some day that's the girl he's going to want to fuck.
Howard said that he got an e-mail from Mel Karmazin at 3:30 in the morning recently and he asked him what's going on. Mel said he didn't know and also said that he doesn't know what sleep is.
Artie said that about 4 months before Howard announced he was going to SIRIUS he got a call from him asking him what kind of deal he had there at K-Rock. Artie said that he thought that was odd and he and Dana ended up talking about satellite radio and maybe that's where he was going. Artie wondered if that would be considered insider information. Howard said that if he had gone out and bought stock it may have.
Howard said that he doesn't even understand the stock market that well. He said that if Artie knew that he was going to satellite, he doesn't get why there's a guarantee that he's going to make money. Just because he's going there doesn't mean that he's going to make the stock go up.
Howard said that his statement on the merger is that he's not making a statement today. He said he's got people waiting for him to make a statement and he's just got nothing at this point. He said that Kidd Chris called him asking when he was going to say something because he thought he was going to say something last week. Robin asked what Chris is up now. Howard said he's not sure but it sounds like CBS is holding back on paying him even though he had a contract with them. Artie said that he might be opening up for him at Levy's comedy club next week.
Howard said that he doesn't respond to rumors and he's going to wait until the deal is all done before he says anything. He said that he's not making any statements.
Artie said that he heard that DJ AM was making like six figures to do 12 Saturdays a year. Robin told a story about another DJ that was making a million a year doing the same type of thing. Howard said that if that's the case then he's not going to bad mouth the guy.
Howard said that there are so few people who can act so well that they get big parts and they end up screwing up their lives and go down the wrong road. He said that he'd lock himself in a room if he had a career like this Shia kid. He said that he didn't have time for nonsense like that. He didn't even have the money to spend on drinks or the time for nonsense. Howard said that this Shia LeBeouf kid may not ever be in another hit movie again. You never know what's going to happen in your career.
Robin said that he is taking his career for granted because there are people working really hard to make it in the acting business and it just doesn't happen.
Gary said that JD got the song this morning but didn't think it was all that funny so he didn't forward it to Howard. Howard said he'd give it a listen as soon as JD got it to him. He kept Daniel on the phone so he could wait to hear his thoughts on the song.
Howard asked Gary why JD is the arbiter of good songs there. Gary said that he's not, he got the song too and didn't listen to it yet. Gary got the song for Howard so he finally got to play it. They had a lot of Ronnie's Scoresman audio clips in the song.
Howard said that he was going to go with JD on this one. He said that they do some great song parodies but this one sounded like it was just a sound track behind Ronnie's Scoresman rants. He said that it wasn't all that funny. He said that he does have to applaud them for trying it though. Daniel said that he's not sure how Dan the Song Parody Man does the songs he does because he tried with a bunch of songs and they just didn't work. Howard said that Dan gets a clunker now and then too.
Howard told Daniel not to give up. He said that they have sent in a lot of great songs over the years. Daniel got in a plug for a show they're doing on August 9th at the Key Club out in L.A.
Howard said that Dan the Song Parody Man is on a roll right now and the past 3 songs he's sent in have been clunkers. He said that Dan has been using the same guy to sing the songs and they're just not working. Gary said that he had Scott working on getting those songs to him.
A caller told Howard that they should have thrown in a chorus about Ronnie instead of just having Ronnie's clips in there. Howard said that maybe they should take the song and sing the words with Ronnie. He said that they could make it an anthem or something. Daniel said he was thinking of that but he gave this a try instead. Howard told him not to give up on this one.
Howard played the ''Four Foot Old Angry Jew'' song parody about Ronnie that Richard made. He gave that one as an example of a good song parody.
Gary told Howard he had the song parody he was talking about. Howard started to play the parody which was about sticking a scrotum in Robin's mouth to the tune of Sister Christian. Howard played a few seconds of it and said he actually liked that one. Then he had another one that was about Robin, with the same guy singing, and it just didn't work.
Howard thanked Daniel for the song but told him to go back to the drawing board on that. He said that even the Rolling Stones never batted 1000. He said that they had a couple of clunker songs too. Howard went on to talk about how he beat a guy in chess who was ranked 300 points higher than him. He said he was walking around like he was the king of the world after that. Howard said he played a guy the next day who wasn't even ranked in the 1500s and he got slaughtered.
Daniel said that he'll work on the song. Howard let him go a short time later. Artie was throwing out some comments about Billy Squier who had a few clunkers on his ''best of'' album. That led to them talking about his career and some of the songs that he had that were hits. Gary said that he actually had a box set out and he thought the guy was out of his mind. He didn't have that many great songs.
Howard said that Lisa went ballistic when they asked her about this. He played the clip of her talking about how pathetic they were for going over this little thing. Lisa was saying that it's no big deal. Howard said that it is a big deal. He said that if you take a piece off the cupcake, just take the whole thing.
Howard said that Sal was caught taking the whole top off the cupcake after looking around. He said that if Lisa wants to discuss it with him then she should come in. He said that he does have a problem with that and they're not just nit picking.
Robin said that she's seen people do stuff where they'll stick their finger in chocolates to see what's inside of them. Howard said that he doesn't know where people's hands have been and he doesn't need them touching his food.
Lisa came in and said that she doesn't touch the cupcake, she just took the Snicker bar off the top. She said that she has taken the cupcakes back to her desk but it usually just sits there. Howard told her to just take the whole thing or go to the vending machine to get a Snickers instead.
Lisa told Howard that if everyone just ate a little piece of a candy bar, instead of the whole cupcake, they'd be thinner. Howard said that's not up to her. Howard asked Lisa if she has ever purged. She said that she never did but Artie didn't believe that. Artie told her that she's a weirdo and it was like she was saying that he was the one who shouldn't be eating those cupcakes when she made that comment earlier.
Howard said that he was reading an article in the paper about a rule in the Hamptons that wasn't letting people do little shows and stuff out on the sidewalks in front of the shops there. He said that the town is right for not allowing that because people can go out and walk around without being bothered by that kind of nonsense. He said that they have to keep law and order and he understands the rules. He said that anyone who wants a cupcake can have one, just don't touch it and leave it there. Howard said that he gets why they don't want people doing stuff in front of these stores out in the Hamptons.
A caller told Lisa to just cut the cupcake in half if she doesn't want the whole thing. He also said that Sal thinks that he can piss on everyone and he takes every chance he can to get things. Howard said that Sal is like a sly little fox when it comes to that kind of stuff.
Howard said that he is very disciplined himself so he never bothers with those cupcakes. Robin said that she doesn't take them either and she can walk by and not bother with them. Artie will walk by and take one though. Artie said that he's heard of these electricity germs that jump off your hand when you go near stuff and that's why he's disgusted with that stuff.
A caller said that they should be going off on Lisa the same way they did to Sal last week. Howard didn't seem to think that they had to go off on her any more than they had. He did replay her clip from last week where she was yelling at Ronnie and the other guys in there. He said that she was on fire that day. Howard said that Lisa also doesn't sneak around doing it because she doesn't feel she was doing anything wrong there.
Howard said that he hates these magazines that have little text written on pages and stuff written sideways. He said that they claim that's what people want but he thinks that's why they're all going out of business. He said that even MAD Magazine would drive him nuts when they'd draw stuff in the sides of the pages. Howard said that the writing is too small on some of these magazine pages and they don't have to make every page a Picasso.
Howard said that he still likes Rolling Stone for music information. Artie said they used to be so cool but now they're not that cool. Howard said that he doesn't like reading on the web, he'd rather hold a magazine in his hands. He said that he brings stuff into the bathroom with him and will read his Munsters book or something like that. He said that he doesn't read for long though. He said that he also reads a chess book while he's in there.
Howard said that he reads Rolling Stone and GQ for men's fashion and gadgets. He said that you have to just thumb through the magazines and find pictures of stuff you like or you'll be there all day reading. He said that it has to hit you really fast and you have to wonder if you really give a shit about what you're about to read.
Howard said he reads Hamptons magazine too. He said that it's a local thing since he has a house out there. He said that people should read local magazines too. Howard said that he doesn't read any business magazines, he gets that stuff out of the newspaper.
Artie said that Vanity Fair is a great magazine too. He said that he will read that on airplanes and stuff. Howard said he's sick of Playboy now. He said that he sees so much porn anyway that he doesn't need the magazine. He said that he does like the articles in there but the girls are no big deal.
Howard said he beat off last night while watching Strap On Sally with Gina Lynn in it. He said that she really does something for him and he loves to watch her movies. He said that Gina was doing a girl with natural breasts in the movie and he could tell the chick wasn't into Gina. He said that it looked like Gina was into it but not the other chick.
Howard said that he watched one scene where two girls were soaping each other in a shower. That's when he finished. Howard said that he likes that his DVD player goes right back to the spot that he stopped it at. Artie said that there must be some kind of memory that makes it do that. Robin said she didn't believe it did that.
Howard said that he also reads a lot of tabloids like the Enquirer, People, The Globe and many others. Artie said that his mother loves the tabloids too and he'll check them out if he sees a hot chick on the cover.
Lisa got back to her news preview and said that Bob Levy's fight with Danny Bonaduce has been moved around to a couple of venues. She said that it's now been moved to the Marble Sports Arena in Pennsylvania. Howard said that he doesn't care if this fight is fixed or not. He said that Danny is going to kill Bob. Artie said he doesn't know about that. Howard said that Danny is a trained martial arts guy and he's going to kill him. He said that Danny is out of his fuckin' mind and he's going to kill the guy.
Howard said that he likes Bob a lot and he's a lovely man but he's not sure this is a good idea. He said that Danny has fought competitively and he's going to punch Bob in the face so hard he's going to go down with one blow. Howard said that Bob is an older guy and he's going to go down. Artie joked that he was 58 and Howard believed it. Artie said that Bob is actually only 45 or 46. Howard said that he believed the 58 and he thought he was shaving off a few years there.
Howard said that Danny is going to hurt Bob even if it was a scripted fight. He said that they're not choreographed fighters. Danny is going to go in and just say fuck it and punch the guy in the face. Artie said he thinks that it's more evenly matched than Howard thinks. Howard just said ''No'' to him when he heard that.
Sal came in and said that Bob was off the booze for a while but on Saturday night he fell off the wagon and got so wasted they had to peel him off the floor. He said that Bob can fight and he can give Danny a good fight.
Fred said that Bob is going to get his ass kicked if he's never done boxing before. Artie said he's worried about Bob and this fight. He said that he just got married to a woman in Cleveland on a Wednesday and clogged the shitter at her parent's house.
Artie said that Bob didn't talk to him last week after he said he wasn't going to do the gig at his club. He said that Bob talked to him through Teddy instead. He said that he would have called Bob if he was going to back out of doing that gig but he's not going to do that. He said that he's doing the gig and Bob could have called him.
Sal said that Bob is looking better now than he ever has and he's trying to stay straight while he's training for this fight. He said that Bob is donating $6,000 of his winnings to Robin's charity. Robin said she's not sure why he's doing that but now she's going to have to donate to Bob's charity, which is just Bob.
Lisa said that Siobhan the Transsexual is going to have some of her art hanging at an art gallery soon but it turns out it's just a community art day where anyone can go and hang up their art. Howard let Lisa go after that.
Artie said that he was at his shore house this weekend and he was kind of bummed out when Robin didn't come by on her boat. Artie said that he saw a lot of hot chicks floating by out there and some day he's going to get them off their boat.
Artie said that he did run into Piper Perabo down there in a local store. He said that she gave him a huge hug and a nice hello when he saw her. He said that she squeezed her breasts against his. Artie said that she remembered him and he was happy she did. Artie said his mother has been getting on him about getting fat lately and that's what she brought up when he told her about that. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard said that he had a clip from the Tonight Show where Triumph the Insult Comic Dog (Robert Smigel) was on and goofed on Stuttering John. He played the clip where Triumph talked to Jay about being kicked of the Tonight Show. Howard cut the clip off and said he hates when Jay pretends to be annoyed with the guests. He said that it drives him crazy and he really hates the guy.
Howard replayed the clip and let it play through. Triumph said that he's going to be taking over when Jay leaves. He had some funny jokes about the band leader giving Jay phony laughs. He then brought up Stuttering John and said he's glad he's leaving and joked that it's sad when people say that John is okay but ''he's no Ed Hall.''
Howard spent a short time talking about Jay leaving the Tonight Show and wondering if Jay is going to take John with him when he leaves. Howard said he's not sure if Jay is going to keep him around. He said that Jay may feel some kind of guilt for taking John from this show to do his show. Artie said that this is going on 5 years for John over there. He said that Jay is probably over the guilt by now.
Howard said that Jay should have a really straight announcer to make Jay seem funnier. He said that he doesn't understand the John hire but he is happy for John. He said that he hopes he does go with Jay wherever he goes.
Artie said that he is pretty friendly with the two of them and he thought it was pretty painful so he's not sure what to do about that. Howard told him to go for it and joke about it. Avoiding it might be more noticed than just doing it.
Howard asked Artie if he's going to take a shot at Sarah. Artie said that he's known Sarah for like 15 years and worked with her on a lot of stuff so he's not sure he could do anything. He said he's not sure he could follow Jimmy either.
Artie said that Sarah is capable of going off on people herself too. Robin said that Sarah can get pretty crazy and told Britney Spears that she was a horrible mother to her face.
Artie talked about what a great guy Jimmy is and how nice Sarah is. He said that he's not sure he can go there with the jokes or not. He said that he's got a lot of stuff in his head about what he could joke about. He said that he didn't have any lines yet but he has an angle on the whole thing. He said that he was thinking about some sexual problem they might have had or something like that. He had some stuff that he had been working on but he's not sure if he can do them or not.
Howard told Artie that Sarah would probably tell him to just go through with the jokes and do them. He said that it may be a tricky road to go down though.
Howard got a hold of the Billy Squier Greatest Hits album (Absolute Hits) and read off the names of the songs that were in that set. He read through those songs and didn't recognize half of them. Howard told Gary to get the whole anthology and they'll play them on the show tomorrow.
Howard said that he got a note from Julie Slater who used to work with them at K-Rock. Howard said that she asked him to call her program director to help her get this job out in Los Angeles. He made the call and she ended up getting the job. Howard said that it got a press release. He read through the press release and they talked about Julie's previous job and how the Program Director had gotten an e-mail, not a phone call, from Howard Stern. The guy said he didn't believe that it was actually Howard at first. Howard said that he thought he had called but it turned out it was an e-mail.
Howard told the guy that Beth was offended by the jokes that Sal told and she wasn't even supposed to be involved with the whole thing. Then Sal told Beth that he was sorry about that and they made up. After that Sal went to a comedy club and made fun of her again. He said that Beth was upset by that and she just wants nothing to do with him now. She was upset that he was two faced like that and went behind her back that way.
Artie said that this guy was saying that he didn't use Beth as a joke, he just included her in a line during that roast. He said that his line was a gold digger joke. Howard said that she was fine with the jokes. She was upset about Sal being two faced and lying to her about not using that joke in his act. Artie said that Sal also went to another level with that joke that he used about her.
Howard said that their guests were there but he had to take a break. Before he did that he read that none of the cast of The Golden Girls showed up to Estelle Getty's funeral. He played a news report about that where Getty's son talked about how upset he was that none of them showed up.
Artie said that he had a heart wrenching Dana story. He said that they were going through some pictures for his book and he had one from his second date with Dana. He said that he remembered that picture and he got so upset when he saw that. He said it really got to him. He said that they liked it for the book and they're going to use that in the chapter about their relationship.
Artie said he had a picture from his prom with the girl that he robbed the bank for. He said they could throw that up on Howard's web site. Howard said they'd do that.
Howard spent another few seconds on the Golden Girls thing. JD came in and said that some of the Golden Girls had excuses for why they didn't attend. Bea Arthur claimed that she had said her goodbye's to her years ago and she didn't want to deal with the emotions of going to the funeral. Rue McClanahan didn't go because she wasn't allowed to fly after knee surgery. The guys spent a minute on that before they went to break.
Howard said that you only get one life and that had to be crazy. Michael said that he was sent to prison at 17 and didn't get out until he was 45. He said he was charged with 3 counts of capital murder in Alabama. They claimed that he went in and killed 3 people at the service station. Michael said that he has his suspicious who actually did it but they're not saying who that was.
Michael said that the year before that his father shot and killed his mother. He said that he loved his mother and his father was a violent drunk. He said that he killed her by accident from what he later found out. Howard said that he was having some problems with his microphones and heard a lot of noise coming from them.
Michael said that when he went to prison there were no computes, credit cards or anything like that. He said he had to get out and learn to use all of that stuff.
Howard got back to the story and asked Michael some questions like how they ended up charging him. Michael said that he was seeing this girl at the time that turned out to be a police informant. He had stolen a car to impress her and he just happened to be a loose end that they used to charge him. He said that they interrogated him for 78 hours and didn't let him go to the bathroom and didn't let him eat. They knew his back story and they just kept beating the shit out of him until he confessed.
Howard asked how he was found innocent after all of that time. Michael said that what they did was take him to trial on one charge and didn't use the confession in court. That didn't fly at the time. He said that they had put a guy on the stand who was a cop that went to prison later for trafficking heroin. He also said that the girl who was snitching said that he didn't do the murders but he was there.
Michael said that he had Becky gathering the records that he cops had on file and they established that his story was wrong in the confession so they were able to figure out that he was innocent. Becky had heard his story and ended up doing all of this for him while he was locked up.
Becky said that Michael was a great lay and she had to get him out of jail and back home so she could do him in a bed instead of in closets and stuff. Becky said that she didn't want to be involved with a man who was in a cage but she found this man who had a heart in jail and had to help him. She said that she had found so many awful men in her life and then found this great man.
Becky said that she was running a mail order business and he had written her a letter. She put it aside for a while but saw a story about him later. Michael said that she was running a t-shirt business and he sent her some art work.
Michael said that if he hadn't gotten in touch with Becky, he'd be dead by now. He said that he wouldn't have been able to take it in jail anymore.
Howard said that Michael was able to escape 3 times. One time he held in his urine until his kidneys failed. That got him into the infirmary and he was able to get out through that. Michael said that he was able to read a lot of stuff in jail so he knew how to do stuff like that. Michael said that he might not be sane himself but he's far from the insanity of some of the people he was incarcerated with.
Michael said he saw a guy get his head chopped off in prison one time. He said that he was in a prison that has the highest murder rate in the country. He said that the guy lost his head because he had just sat on someone's bed that he wasn't supposed to. The guy who chopped his head off had a 36 inch machete that he used to cut the guy's head off with.
Michael said that the guards at the prison were paid off to let stuff like that get through. They had people sneaking knives in up their rectums and things like that. Howard said that Michael must have been really depressed getting stuck in prison like that. He asked if he even got laid before he went in. Michael said he had gotten laid before that.
Robin said that he must have been in total despair knowing that he was in and no one was going to help. Michael said that his family was dirt poor and they weren't able to help. He said he thought that if he got through the bad cops, the good cops would come in and save him. He said that doesn't happen though.
Howard asked Michael and Becky about how they got married when he was still imprisoned. Becky said that they weren't allowed to have sex but they figured out how to do it. Becky said that they were able to do it standing up and without anyone noticing that they were doing it. Becky said that she cut the crotch out of her panties and that's how he was able to get in easy.
Michael said that they were able to do this very intimately and they learned something new when they did things like that. They said there was no thrusting going on but they were able to move in ways that would make it happen.
Becky said that they didn't use condoms or anything but they didn't end up getting her pregnant or anything. Howard asked what it was like to have regular sex after. Becky said it wasn't boring or anything. They wanted to have kids when he got out but she was past that time when he did get out.
Michael said that they have been together for a long time and they have changed over the years. Michael said that he can't even get a job now because of the felony charge. He said that they have to learn to do things differently because of the life he had.
Howard said that Michael was charged with more time after he escaped from prison those 3 times he escaped. They wanted to give him life without parole because of that, even though he was falsely accused to begin with. Howard said that there must have been a reasonable judge out there who would see that was wrong.
Michael said that he was arrested back in 1973 and the people were still saying to this day that he wasn't innocent. He said that it would have meant that they would have to admit that they were wrong and they just won't do that.
Becky started to cry and said that they're still fighting this fight. Michael said that just because you're innocent doesn't mean shit. He said that even if you're innocent and you file a petition to get a case reviewed, they can tell you that they're not going to do it.
Howard asked Michael if he's against the death penalty. He said that the way things are set up right now, yes, he is against it. He said that the does believe that there is a place for the death penalty because there are people out there who will kill you for no good reason.
Michel said that the state of Alabama has a law that says they're supposed to pay people $20 for the first year and one dollar every year after that for wrongly accused people. He said that they haven't even gotten that money. They've been suing over this for years and the state is always appealing the cases and they just keep spending more and more money.
Becky said that they don't have the money to do this stuff anymore and they're wiped out. Michael said that he's a truck driver and he makes $10 a hour and works about 14 hours a day.
Howard asked Michael about the time he escaped on horseback. Michael said that a lot of prisons have farms on them and he was a trustee. He had gotten into a fight with a prison guard who ended up leaving. He said that he had gotten into a minimum security prison and then took that away from him. They did some other things to him that screwed him over. He said he eventually just got on a horse and rode off. Becky said it was better than that, he rode the horse to the Warden's house and stole his Corvette and then drove off.
Michael said that he stole a pistol from his house too. He left the ammo there at his house and then sold the gun to buy gas for the car. He wasn't going to commit any other crimes, he just wanted to get out and start a life somewhere else. He said that they eventually started dealing with the FBI to turn himself in.
Howard asked Michael about having sex in prison. Michael said that he did try gay sex but it was humiliating for him. He said that he was both a pitcher and a catcher. He said that he still lives with the guilt of that.
Howard wrapped up and said that they have a phone number set up for people to call. Michael said that they are going to continue to do things like this and the only way to bring a light to this is to call and bring this to light. Michael said that they want people to call the Attorney General and tell him to give him some reasonable compensation. He's still listed as a felon because of his escape from prison. That means that he can't even vote. Michael said that he got Hepatitis C when he was in prison but he's not even sure how he got it. He said that he doesn't want to be rich, he just wants something reasonable. He said that if he had worked for 30 years in the welding job he had when he was sent to prison, he wants that money. He's not looking for a crazy amount of money.
Howard gave out this phone number, (334) 242-7300 and said that you can call and tell them how you feel about this guy and what they should do to help him out.
Dominic Barbara called in and said that this was kind of nostalgic for him because he tried a case about 37 years ago. He asked Michael if he ever took a lie detector test. Michael said that he didn't have one because it wasn't allowed in Alabama. Dominic also told him that he's got a movie there with this story. They might have something in the works but Michael said that someone else knew about that more than him.
Dominic asked why Michael would steal the Warden's car and gun. Michael said that his home was on the property and that was right near where he worked. He said that they don't usually charge people for doing stuff on prison property. If he had stolen from someone outside of the prison it would have been worse for him.
Howard asked Dominic if he thinks that calling the Attorney General is going to help this case. Dominic said that it won't because the people in Alabama are good ol' boys who seem to be separate from the rest of this country when it comes to justice.
Howard said that he'd be angry at the world if he were Michael. He said that he can't imagine spending his whole life in prison like that. Michael said that he has found a woman who has been great to him and completes him in this world. He said that he's lucky to have what he does.
Howard asked Michael if he has nightmares. He said he used to but not anymore. Michael said that he'd just like this to end. He said that they will never apologize to him and admit they were wrong.
Howard took a call from a guy who congratulated Michel on getting out. The guy said that he must get angry and it must break him down. Michael said that he does have that happen and he will go out on a boat to calm him down. He said that he does drink too damn much once in a while and he will wallow in that shit for a few days. Howard said that he understands that and he'd probably be doing the same thing.
Artie told Michael that Heroin might be a good escape if he can just do it in moderation. Howard said he's glad that Michael and Becky have each other and every man should have a woman like that. Howard said that she did an unbelievable thing for this man and he's not sure how you repay someone for something like that. Howard gave out the phone number again and said that the audience should call if they feel something for this man.
Howard asked Michael what blew his mind when he got out of prison. Michael said that it took him a number of days to go out and shop. He said that in prison your space is confined and in public there is just too much space. He said that they went shopping at a grocery store late at night. He said that it was crazy that first time he went out.
Michael said that they paid for all of their groceries and she asked for $40 back. He said they gave her the money and as they were walking out he asked if they had just given them $40 for buying groceries. He knew the concept of a debit card but it still blew him away.
Howard wrapped up with Michael and Becky and gave out that number once again. Michael said that there are 900 individuals in each state that are locked up for something they didn't do. He said that eventually 1 out of 60 individuals in this country are going to be locked up in a few years at the rate things are going. He said that he hopes that this story will help change something in this country.
Michael said that they wrote a book, ''Freeing The Innocent: How We Did It, A Handbook for the Wrongly Convicted,'' and they've given away a lot of copies just trying to help the people out there who are in the same situation as he was. He said that there really isn't any help out there for those people.
Howard asked Michael about hanging with the people in prison and who he was with. He said that you tend to hang with the people who committed the same crimes. He said he was hanging out with other murderers even though he didn't actually murder anyone. He said that he knew this guy, who he would only refer to as C.T., who was very into homosexuality with a bunch of young boys, in prison, and if you looked at his boy the wrong way, he would kill people. He didn't care who they were or what he did to them.
Howard said that there are no words to say how sorry he is for his situation. He said that if he's ever in trouble, he's going to call Becky to help him out. Michael offered to let Howard come down and hang out at their house anytime. Howard said that he would hate to make their lives worse by doing something like that but he thanked them for the offer. He went to break a short time later.
Howard had Greg Fitzsimmons come in after that. He was going to sit in for the news. Howard said he had some audio clips to play too. Greg asked about the merger but Howard told him he's not talking about it until he sees something actually happening.
Howard played a voice mail that Wendy left for them where she's talking about getting out of Florida so she can visit them. She said that she's sick of everything down there and has to get away. Wendy sounded very upset about something. Howard said they can't have her there for a whole week. Robin said that he could have her at his apartment for that week. Howard said that Wendy sounds way more depressed than they do.
Howard asked Greg if he went to Afghanistan with Artie. Greg said he didn't, he's ''Greg Fitzsimmons.'' Greg said that he e-mailed Howard over the weekend and he was out in the Hamptons. Howard said that he would have had Greg over but he wasn't able to do it at the last minute like he wanted.
Howard said that Greg asked him to hang out this weekend but he had something else going on and wasn't able to do it this weekend. Howard said that Greg was going to be doing a show out there at 11 o'clock and he really didn't want him coming and going at all hours of the night.
Greg asked him if he has a tiny apartment out there or something. Howard said that it really just wasn't a good weekend for him. He said that he would have had him out there if it was a good weekend. Artie talked about going out to Howard's place one weekend and how Ralph wasn't able to get back into the house that night. Artie said that he was with Jon Hein that night and Gary saved him. He said that Jon dropped him off at like 2:30 or 3 in the morning but he didn't have the code to his gate. He said he called Gary and Gary was lucky he remembered it. He got in quietly and didn't disturb anyone. He knew that Ralph was coming though and figured he was going to make a lot of noise.
Howard said that he ended up getting mad when he thought about Greg using his house as a place to stay when he was working. He told Greg that maybe he shouldn't come out at all.
Howard said that Greg has a radio show there on Howard 101 at midnight. He said that he'll be broadcasting live from New York instead of from Los Angeles. Howard also said that Nick DiPaolo is on tonight at 7pm and joked that he's going to be staying at his house. Greg said that he and Nick did a show out in the Hamptons over the weekend.
Howard said that Greg got a massage as a gift from his wife. Greg said that he asked his wife if it was going to be a woman and she knew that it was the only way he would get it done. Artie interrupted and said that there are two types of men. There are gay men and there are homophobic men. Greg got back to his story and said that he went to this place that was a legit place. It turned out to be a 6 foot tall dude dressed as a woman and he felt bad about turning her away. He said he started getting this massage and it was actually feeling good. He said that he flipped over and the guy looked like Ghangis Kahn.
Greg said that he threw some extra oil on him and then slipped his hand up his thigh and grazed his ball. He said that he did that a second time and he got an erection. He said that if anyone touches his balls he'll get an erection. Greg said that he just laid there and waited to see what happened. He said that he couldn't let the guy do it because it was father's day and his wife is paying for the massage. Fred was doing a Herman Munster laugh so Greg asked him to do it as an Asian guy. Fred had Artie laughing and Artie said the visual was even funnier.
Artie told a story about how he called for a massage one time and didn't specify that he wanted a woman. A dude showed up to his door holding his table. He said that the guy saw the look on his face. Artie asked the guy if he was even going to make him say this. the guy said no, turned around and walked away. Artie said he gave him a tip anyway as he was walking away.
Howard heard that Greg had signed a development deal for a sitcom. Greg said that it's not really signed but he is in talks to do something like that. He said it would be with FOX. He said that he had a development deal a few years ago and he was working with a guy who was kind of flaky and it turned out the guy ended up allegedly killed his wife. He said that the guy was kind of normal and then he ends up possibly killing his wife.
Greg said the guy could have written that as a pilot script. He said that it's been in the news for about a year now but he thinks it's waiting for the trial to come up.
Artie said that he had a development deal after he did Dirty Work. He said that the movie hadn't come out yet so no one was sure what was going to happen with that. He got a $750,000 development deal. He ended up celebrating in his hotel room like he had just won the lottery. He said the first check he got was $250,000. He gave that money to his mother and let her set up the corporation for him. He said he had just gotten out of jail at the time so he had her put it in her bank account.
Artie said that he was being rewarded for being a loser back then. He said that he got the money and his mother asked him what he had to do for the money. He said that all he had to do was look at scripts.
Greg said that he went through some mid-life crisis stuff recently and started smoking pot. He said that he kind of lose his momentum and then just realized he had to enjoy his life the way it was. Greg talked about that and how he had been a drinker since he was a kid.
Howard gave Greg some plugs for his upcoming gigs at Governors and said you can check out more at Myspace.com/FitzDog. They had to break after that.
Howard came back and sang along to the song. Robin said that she was enjoying it so Howard apologized for singing over it. Howard talked about the band a little bit and Artie said that the tune is a great one. Fred said that it was a version that wasn't the original.
Howard said that Eric Clapton has gone out of his mind and makes songs go on for hours. He said that he just jams like the Grateful Dead did and he hates the Grateful Dead. Howard said that part of being a great guitar player is knowing when to shut up.
Howard had Steve Langford come in with his Howard 100 News preview after giving Greg some more plugs. Steve came in and said they have a story about Orlando Jones talking crap about Artie Lange. He told them about an awful stench in the room when Artie shit his bed. Jones said that he jumped out the hotel room window when he heard house keeping show up at the door.
Artie said that he just wrote that story for his book and Orlando did have to deal with that. He said that the room was in the assistant director of MAD TV's name.
Steve said that they have a story about KC Armstrong getting arrested last week on possession of a stolen vehicle. The cops may not pursue the charges because it was a rental car. Artie said he feels so bad for KC and he doesn't know what he's up to. Howard wondered why they have to have the car back if he's renting it. The guys told him that they usually have a time limit on how long you keep the car.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview next. Jon ran through the stuff they were going to be covering today. That led to Howard talking about how that guy Michael Pardue can never leave that chick because of what she did for him. Artie said that she was really hitting on him in the green room and he hates to do it to the guy but he's meeting with her later for lunch. He was just kidding about that though.
Howard said that the news room must be abuzz about it. Howard figured it was because she never said that she loved him on the air. Robin said that she thinks very highly of Jim. She said that she had a discussion with him, a long discussion, in person, and it was sort of that time to call an end to it because things weren't working out. Howard asked if she took it hard. Robin said that they could see it coming so it wasn't that hard.
Howard said that he was happy for Robin with Jim. She said that he can still be happy for her. She said that things will be okay. She said that she's alright and it just ended yesterday.
Howard asked where Gregg from Howard TV was. Robin said that Gregg is following Ronnie for Howard TV for an unknown amount of time. Howard told Robin that he never liked him anyway and he wasn't good enough for her. He asked her if she was okay with Jim coming on the show. Robin said ''Of course!''
Howard asked Jim (Fred) what happened there. Fred joked that it was a young boy over in Iraq that did it for him. He said that it was all of that shit that Robin was eating and things like that which bothered the shit out of him.
Howard said that this is another one of those cases where he won't be able to get close to her. Robin said that the whole time this was going on she told him that if he really cared, he'd call her on the phone and ask. She said that Howard said he would never do that and now he's going to blame her for not letting him in.
Howard asked if she did a sex video with him. Robin said that she didn't. Howard said that he has to get Jim on the show to find out more about this. He told Robin that he'd have her on to talk about other things, not about her.
Howard asked Robin if she thinks there's another woman. Robin said that she doesn't believe that at all. Artie said that he hopes that Robin is okay. He said that her laughing might be blocking something there.
Ralph called in and asked if they had a fight or something. Robin said that it wasn't like that. She said that Jim is busy working and going away almost every weekend. They had that in their relationship so things were tough.
Howard asked what was missing in the relationship. Robin said that things were perfect in the beginning but then things just kind of went away. She said it was just one of those things. There was no fighting or anything like that. Jim just wasn't feeling it with her and he had to call an end to it.
Robin said that she still has time to bang a 25 year old and she still wants to do that. Artie told her that he'll take her out to Las Vegas and get her laid just like he did with JD. Robin said she doesn't want that and she needs to like a guy before she'll do something like that.
Howard pointed out that Robin was still seeing all of her friends and not just dropping everything for this guy. Robin said that she loves what she does and how she looks and she's doing just fine.
Howard said that he wants to know if there is any ill will there. Robin said there isn't but Gary chimed in and said that these things take time to unravel. Shuli came in and said that he saw the two of them down at Artie's party and they looked like a real couple down there. Shuli said he's glad that they broke up because now he can tell fart stories about Jim without Jim getting mad at him.
Ralph asked if Robin was demanding too much of his time or something. Robin said that they weren't spending much time together at all. She said that she noticed that they weren't spending much time together. She said that he was making excuses for things and that seemed to be part of the problem. She said that he meant the excuses he had for the whole thing. She said that in the beginning he was moving mountains to make time for her. That eventually stopped.
Robin said that there were things that they noticed in their relationship and Jim basically told her to just break it off if she wanted. She wouldn't give him that so she told him he had to say it. She said that he was obviously ready to go. She said that she's sorry that she gave herself to him but not because of who he is as a person but as the person who he is on the show.
Robin said that she doesn't really think that she likes people who hang out with people like Shuli. She laughed when she said that. Robin said that she doesn't think that she'd go back and do it over again if she had the chance. She said that things are very strange because she might run into Jim at Artie's house with a new date or something. She said that's one reason she regrets the relationship.
Robin said that she doesn't want to see him with someone else and she would feel the same way about Mr. X if she ran into him. Howard said that he knows what she means about all of that. Robin said she could do it, it would just be weird.
Howard asked Robin if she confided in her friends with this news. She said that she did. Robin said she trusts Jim to keep their personal stuff quiet though.
Howard asked Robin if she said no to other people during their time dating that she regrets now. Robin said she doesn't. She said that she does owe Nick Manning a text to let him know what's going on. She said that she's not sure if she would sleep with him or not. She said she did sleep with Jim after all. She said that she has hung out with him and had phone conversations with him. She's not sure if she'd go out with him though.
Howard said that if Gina Lynn asked him to have sex, he'd be kind of leery of doing anything because she is a porn star. Robin said that she would have got have Nick tested before she could be with him. Greg told Robin that she should rebound to someone like Yanni or someone line that.
A caller asked Robin if Jim is free to go back to the comedy shows and Miserable Men now. Robin said that she never stopped him from doing that.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said there has to be more to this story. Robin said that there's not. Howard said that he had to cut her off and asked Robin how long they were dating. It's almost a year now and Howard said that things happen like that and relationships don't always last forever.
Artie said that he can see that Robin is laughing now but she might be more upset than she's letting on. That led to Howard asking Robin if she and Jim had sex after he came back from Afghanistan. She said that they didn't.
Gary came in and said that he and Jim shared a room over there and the impression he got was that they were trying to communicate during that trip. He said that Jim was trying to call her during the trip and there was no indication that there was anything wrong.
Howard wondered what happened there if Jim was that interested just a few weeks ago. Howard asked if they talked about keeping in touch. Robin said that Jim did want to remain friends but she's not sure how to do that. She said that she'd have to talk to Jim about some of this stuff first.
Artie said that Jim will not give out any intimate details about the relationship unless you happen to be sitting next to him on an 11 hour flight. He said that he gets a bit chatty around the 6th hour.
Howard said that maybe Jim was just saying that he wanted to keep in touch since they did get so close. He said he gets that things can get kind of weird though.
Howard said that he was kind of surprised that Jim was as quiet was he was when he'd see him out with Robin. Robin said that he can be very quiet in certain situations. Robin said that in other situations he can be very talkative. Shuli said that he's not that quiet when he's out on the road. Artie joked that he lets the N-word fly when they're out on the road.
Artie said that Jim is very supportive but he might have to take Robin's side in this whole thing. He said that he went out with Robin and Jim one night and it was kind of awkward for them because it was like they had to behave in front of Robin.
Howard said that he's going to have to drop this since it was getting so late in the show. Shuli asked when the press conference was going to be. Howard said there won't be one today. He had Robin get to her news after that.
Robin read a story about tattoo removal and what people are doing these days to get them taken off. They have done studies about the inks used in tattoos and now they're saying that they can be toxic and possibly cause cancer if they are removed with a laser. Howard said that was freaking him out.
Robin read a story about Jimmy Kimmel using Ed McMahon as a pitch man for his show. She thought it was touching but Artie thought it was just a publicity stunt. Howard said that Ed used to be worth like 80 million and he can't believe that he's just about bankrupt now. Artie offered to let him open up for him at Foxwoods in a couple of weeks.
Robin read some news about jobs that are available during this possible recession in the country. She went through those top jobs which included accounting jobs. Howard said that he was told that becoming an Actuary was a great job that he'd have security with. He said that he sucks at math and could never do that.
Howard asked Robin more about the Jim thing. He wondered if she's going to keep pictures of him or throw them away. Robin said that she will keep them, they're not on display or anything. She said she's not sure how she will feel in a few weeks though.
Robin read some news Lindsay Lohan which led to Greg talking about how smoking hot she looked when he saw her working next door to the Gong Show when they were shooting that. He said that the chick that Lindsay is dating looks like a dude. They spent a short time talking about that relationship before Artie ended up putting the word out to that ''Spitzer whore'' that he wanted to have her down to his house. He said that he wants to face fuck the shit out of her. He said that he knows she hangs out at the Jersey shore and he wants her to hang out at his place. Then Howard said he heard that she hooked up with David Krief and they were going to do some kind of reality show. That led to Artie doing an impression of Krief when he called in to promote the Joey Buttafuoco stuff.
Robin read some other news about the death of Randy Pausch who was killed by pancreatic cancer. She had some news about Barack Obama too.
A caller asked Howard if he heard that Rebecca Romijn was pregnant with twins. Howard said he was in an awkward position because he knows something but he's not sure what he can say. He said that he had lost contact with her for a while there and they're now back in touch with him and telling him stuff. He said that he doesn't want to say what he knows though. The story was on PerezHilton.com so Artie said that he kind of goofed on him a few years ago and he'd like someone to stick a cock in his mouth to shut him up. Artie said that Perez had a picture of him doing a show down in Miami and Perez put a big heart around his cock area and wrote ''Mmm, sexy'' and he got a lot of phone calls about that. He said people found that to be very creepy.
Howard got a note from JD saying that both Jerry and Rebecca have confirmed the story about the pregnancy. Howard said that if that's the case then it's okay to talk about it. He said that they are pregnant with twins and he learned that last week. He said that they're very excited about that.
Howard said that he's going to be inviting Jerry and Rebecca to his wedding but he will also invite John Stamos. He said that he's not sure who will actually show up though. He said that he's also inviting Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman to the wedding.
Robin read a story about Shia LeBeouf's car accident and played some audio clips of a cop giving the details of the accident. She had another story about a guy who went to Comicon to find a date. She had some audio clips from that event and some other clips from some other various news stories. She wrapped up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:00am.
Gary said that he knows what it's like to just blurt out something like that in a moment when you don't expect to. He said that he really had no idea there was trouble in paradise when he was out on the USO tour with Jim. He said that it kind of came out of nowhere. He said that there also seemed to be a little bit of a sting for Robin and she didn't seem too happy about the break up. She really seemed to be into the relationship and it sounds like Jim was the one who broke it off.
Gary said that they still have some things to go through before they see how Robin is really feeling about the break up. Gary said that her entertaining the idea of hooking up with Nick Manning was obviously her way of getting to Jim Florentine.
Jon asked if they're going to have Jim on the show to talk about this. Gary said that Howard 100 News will probably get something with him before they get that chance to have him in. Gary said that Jim is one of those guys who will never call him and say he has to come on. He said that Jim doesn't nag him to get on and he may never nag him again after this.
Benjy said that Robin had such a happy face on during that so it was hard to tell how she really felt. He said that she still had that happy face even off the air. He said that she seems to be feeling very good about herself and she seems to be fine.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that it was probably Jim getting sick of trying to keep Robin happy that led to the break up. He said that Jim was probably walking on egg shells all the time. Jon said he didn't notice that at all when he was around him. Gary said that Jim is pretty quiet and pretty normal in person but on his DVD he's doing some pretty wild things. He said that his favorite thing is when Jim takes a shit in an apartment while they're out with a real estate agent.
The caller said that Robin is very self centered and that had to be tough for Jim. He said that he thinks that Robin was into him but it had to be tough for them. Jon said that he invited Robin down to do the Wrap Up Show this morning but she mouthed a big ''NO'' to him when he asked.
Another caller asked a few questions and wondered if Artie is going to have his book out as an audio book. Gary wasn't sure about that. The guy was also asking about how awkward things are going to be with Robin and Jim now that they've broken up. Gary said that he can't imagine that Artie is going to not invite either. Benjy said he thinks that Artie is going to invite both but Robin won't show up.
Jon took another call from a woman who said that Robin seems to be reaching out to all of them and she's treating the show like a therapy session. Gary said that he kind of agrees with her about how Robin is trying to connect but she's got to connect with these assholes that are on the air. The caller said that she thinks that Robin knew the break up was coming and that's why she was opening up.
Benjy asked Gary if he thinks that Robin is going to make a tape trying to get Jim back. Gary gave him a fuck you when he heard that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he can't stand Robin but today he felt bad for her. He said that it is pretty terrible. Gary said that it is terrible and it obviously pains her. Another guy said he can't believe that Jim did this before Howard's wedding. He said he could have held out another month or two before breaking it off. Benjy said that maybe he couldn't afford to buy Robin a birthday gift because her birthday is coming up in a couple of weeks (August 8).
Another caller said that Howard shouldn't have Jim on the show. He said that if Beth dumped Howard, he wouldn't have her on the show. Gary said that they've all talked about people that they've dumped on the show and done that a lot. The caller thinks that it wouldn't be right to talk about it at this point.
The guys said that they talked about this possibly happening while they were dating and they know that Howard wants to talk to Jim about what happened. Gary said that Howard is going to do an amazing interview with the two of them if Jim comes in. He said that if Robin didn't want Jim on that Howard would honor that request. He said that Robin is too proud to do that though and she won't stop Jim from coming in.
A caller said that Howard TV has a new choice on there and they have some of the fights from the Wrap Up Show in there. He said that's really great. The caller was also saying that he likes Gary even though they make fun of him a lot. He said he looks up to him.
The caller was going on and on about the show and how great he thinks it is. Jon asked him what he thought about the break up. The guy said it was the biggest day since Artie came back from Afghanistan.
Greg Fitzsimmons came in and said that Robin is like one of the strongest people he knows and she was just giving it to them the way it happened and wanted to move on. He said that he thinks it was well handled.
Jon said that he picked up that Robin was having second thoughts about Jim but the guys weren't sure that was the case.
Jon took some more calls and let some people comment on the break up. One guy asked what's going to happen when Bubba and the guys hear about it. Gary said he hadn't even thought about that. Greg said that this is going to have a huge impact on a lot of people. He said that Robin needs to find a guy the opposite of Jim and start dating him. He said that she needs a guy like a Pavarotti or someone like that.
One caller asked if they think that break ups come in threes and maybe Sal and Richard would be the next to break up after Jimmy and Sarah and then Robin and Jim broke up. Gary said he's not a big believer in that threes thing.
Another caller asked if they felt it was odd that Howard didn't spend more time on the subject today. Gary said that Robin put it all out in front of her and it was late in the show so they have a whole week left to get to the story.
The guys talked about how they think this could have helped Jim's career. Greg seemed to think that it had helped him a lot but Gary didn't think that was the case at all. Gary said that maybe Jim got more mentions on the show but he's not sure how that would help him out in the comedy clubs. Greg said that he thinks that the fans hear about you on the show and they do come out to the shows. He said that it does help to have your name mentioned a lot on the show like Jim had.
Greg said that they knew what they were getting into when they went into this relationship. He said that it sounds like it was ended in a classy way and it wasn't too messy.
Artie said that he didn't have any clue that this was going to be coming to an end but then again he's been sleeping through a lot of the show lately. He said that he didn't see any trouble there at all. Artie said that he was looking at the sports section as Robin said that this morning and he didn't think it was that big of a deal. Artie said that he really didn't care that much about the whole thing.
Artie said that Robin and Jim are different types of human beings and maybe they didn't belong together. Greg said that's coming from a guy who bangs 21 year old who weigh 103 pounds.
Artie was also saying that Robin's laughing is something that she uses to cover up the pain. He said that she doesn't wear her emotions on her sleeve like he did with Dana. Greg joked about how he has all kinds of stuff on that sleep, scrambled egg, emotions...
Gary said that one guy on the phone thinks that Robin had smelly private parts and that's why Jim broke up. Gary said the doubts that's the problem. Artie said that Gary can't say that's not the reason, he doesn't know that for a fact. Jon had to go to break a short time later.
Jon took another call from a woman who said that Jim probably couldn't compete with the stuff she has going on in her life. The woman said that maybe Jim was upset that Robin was making more money than him. Gary said that can be tough in a relationship when someone is more famous than you or making more money.
Jon interrupted that and said that they have a big giveaway. They're going to be giving away a Sony Vaio laptop computer. you can find out more at Sirius.com/HowardStern.
Another caller said that he thinks that Robin and Jim's break up could have had something to do with the race difference. He said that Jim has said some stuff that could have bothered Robin. Gary said that he didn't even know what he was talking about but he doubts that it had anything to do with race. A woman called in and said that maybe Jim just couldn't deal with being Mr. Robin Quivers. Gary said that he's not sure that was the issue either. They had to end the show a short time later.
Howard started off the show saying hello and then talking about the big day they had today. They had Jesse Ventura coming in to talk to them in person. He said that Jesse is going to talk to them about what idiots they are.
Robin talked about how odd looking Jesse is with his bald head and long hair growing out the back. She said that it's really dark and looking very strange. She said that he's also dressing himself again and that's looking strange too.
Howard said good morning to Eric the Midget next. Eric said he had a couple of questions about the merger. He said that he wanted to know if they were going to have to listen to him talk about it as much as he has in the past now that the deal is done. Howard said he didn't think he talked about it that much. Eric said that people in the JFSC talk about how much he's talking about it.
Howard said that they have a midget over at XM so they're going to have to do away with one of them, either Eric or the one at XM. He said they have Ivan the Midget over there. Howard told Eric that Ivan will fly with balloons. Eric didn't have anything to say to that.
Robin asked if Ivan the Midget is taller or shorter. Howard said he's shorter and he's a professional comedian and does song parodies. He hates American Idol and doesn't shave his eyebrows. He's also friends with one of the Gotti family members.
Howard told Eric that he has to figure out which one of the midgets to use. Eric asked Howard what he would do if he had to cut his staff since he knows that he's not going to cut his pay. Howard said that he would go before he would cut his staff. He said that if they broke the deal he would have to go to court over that. He said that Mel isn't a deal breaker and he's not going to pull anything like that. He said he never pulled anything like that in the past.
Howard said that Mel isn't a scum bag like some people in the business are. He said that there are some who will back out of contracts and bring up lawsuits and stuff. Howard said that Mel has lived up to every deal he's made as far as he's seen.
Eric said that he was hoping that Shuli and Langford would end up leaving if they had to make some cuts. Artie said that would save about $14,000 a year if they got rid of those two. If they cut JD they'd be able to save about 20 grand.
Howard asked Eric if that answered everything. Eric said that was it for him. Howard told Eric that there are people out there who will dislike anything that he does on the show. Eric said that he really only listens to the show when he's on hold.
Howard said that Eric was on hold for almost the entire show yesterday so he heard the whole thing. Howard said that he wanted to see how long Eric would hold on. He was on from 6 until almost 11 yesterday. He figures that Eric must hear a lot of the show if that's the case. Howard said that he doesn't think that Eric is being genuine.
Eric said that it's usually people in his chat that tell him what's going on with the show. Howard said he heard that Eric had a zit on his chin so he had to check that out. Howard saw the zit and said it was pretty big and it must be weighing him down. He said he looks like a Christmas ornament with the green shirt and hat and red zit.
Howard wasn't sure if Eric was there or not because he was so quiet. Artie tried to goof on him by saying he looked like a little something. Eric told Artie that he doesn't look like a little anything.
Howard asked Eric if he was picked on in high school. That led to Eric talking about the elevator that was put into his school for the handicapped kids. Eric didn't get the elevator in for him, someone before him had it installed. Eric and a friend were the only ones with keys to the elevator though.
Eric said that he had to turn away some people from the elevator but he would let some kids in. He said that some of them were girls. Robin figured that nothing ever came of that though.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Eric if he can fit the JFSC up his ass. He said that Eric has done nothing for the show other than ask for stuff and bring the show to a screeching halt. He said that he's a miserable little fuck and Artie should toss him off a bridge. Howard said he didn't agree with that. Eric told the guy to shut the fuck up and called him a loser. The guy said that he has a life and he's not a loser like Eric is. The guy said that they should kill him.
Howard asked Eric what he would do if that guy was in his JFSC room. Eric said that he would be thrown out if he came in. The caller said that he would cry then.
Robin asked Eric if he was happy about the merger. Eric said that he is now that they'll have baseball. Howard said that maybe some more people will join the JFSC too. Eric said that was a good point.
Eric tried to get in a plug for a show he was going to be doing tonight on the JFSC but Artie was talking over him and saying goodbye so his plug was very hard to hear.
Howard asked Eric if he would will his body to the show when he dies so they can immortalize him. Howard asked him to think about it. Eric said he won't do that. Howard said they'll pose him any way he likes if he agrees to it. Eric won't do it. Artie said that he's going to do it. Eric told him that would be a lot of stuffing for him. Howard told Eric to think about it and wished him a long life. He let him go a short time later.
Howard said that there's only so much Eric that people will put up with. Howard said that he and Robin could listen to that for 4 hours but they're weird.
Howard said that he was talking to some people about that and people were upset about the break up. Howard said that Robin put on a good face to cover up how she felt but Robin said she wasn't doing that.
Howard said that some people think that Robin isn't as happy about it as she seems. Robin said of course she's not happy, those people are confused.
Robin said that she's still there and she's still fine. Howard said he heard some things about that. He said he heard that she was very upset in private. Robin said that she didn't talk to anyone so who would even know. Howard said he was just mining and trying to dig up some stuff.
Howard said he got a lot of mail about that and it was very sweet. Robin said that even Ralph left her a very nice voice mail. She said it was so un-Ralph that it was very sweet.
Howard read some of the mail that he got about the break up. People were talking about how good this will be for Jim. He'll be able to go back to doing what he does best. There were some who gave them some ''fuck Jim Florentine'' comments and things like that.
Howard read through the Robin mail and then brought up some of the mail he got about the Michael Pardue interview. Someone suggested that the guy stop whining about his jail time. He said that some people were saying that he didn't sound like he didn't have anything to do with the murders and there was something fishy about his story.
There was someone who said that they didn't do any research on the guy and they took his word about him being innocent when he could have been guilty. Gary chimed in and said that there was someone else who admitted to doing the crime and they had DNA evidence that proved that Michael didn't do it. Howard said he disagrees with the e-mail and found them pretty harsh.
Howard said that a lot of people wrote in and said it sounds like he was in a shitty mood yesterday. He said that he is in a shitty mood almost every day he's there. He said that he's always in a shitty mood. Robin said that Howard came up to her in the park yesterday and complained that she's always talking.
Howard said he was yelling stuff out to her for about 10 minutes and she was talking so much that she didn't hear him. He said he was yelling this stuff out trying to be funny and Robin just wasn't hearing him. Other people were looking at him like he was nuts so he had to go up to her and say something. Howard said that Robin had her running outfit on and she was walking in the park.
Howard said that a lot of people were upset about the comments that he was making about Eric Clapton and Cream. He read some of those e-mails where the fans were going off on him about that. He said that when the Cream reunion occurred, they extended their songs so long that they didn't play as many as they could have. He said that they play the same fucking jam with Clapton taking a break and just carrying on with that guitar of his. He said it's too much jamming.
Howard said that this guy writing in about Cream was making fun of him for not knowing about music. Howard said the guy writing in about that nonsense looks like a douche for being a Cream expert. He said that he gets it if a band wants to do a jam on one song. He said that they jam on every single song. He said that all of the jams are the same and they're one big mess. He said that no one could tell which ones are from which songs.
Howard read some mail about Lisa G's cupcake issues. There were some people who wondered how she can't understand that people don't want other people's hands on their food. People were giving advice on what she should do when she wants to eat something. One person suggested that they fire her over that.
Nick said that he wants to hear Jim's side of the story. He let Mariann go and said he loves her and then gave her an ''Uchhhh'' when he hung up.
Howard said that Robin made a good point yesterday when she said that she just wanted Jim to tell her he wanted to go instead of making excuses and stuff. Howard said that he thinks that he's gotten over doing stuff like that but he knows what that's like. He said that you start mistreating people who love you to make them go away. Robin said that it's not a good thing to do.
Howard said that Robin told Jim to just say it to her if he wanted to go and that was the right thing to do. Robin said that she just wanted him to be honest. She said that the whole relationship is based on honesty and all of a sudden things change and things aren't so honest.
Howard said that he thinks that people were sympathetic with Robin because she was so honest about the whole thing. Howard said that he was surprised about Robin wanting to fuck a 25 year old. There were some people out there who heard that and started sending in pictures.
One guy sent in pictures for her. Howard read his e-mail and then gave her the pictures to check out. Robin said that he was kind of cute from what she could see. She said he looked kind of like Ryan Seacrest or someone like that. Artie said that he did look kind of like a gay guy.
Howard said that in one picture the guy looks like David Beckham. Robin said it looked like he had cut a girl out of that pictures. Howard said he'd march that guy in there if Robin wants to meet him. Robin said ''Sure, why not?'' Howard said he doesn't want people coming in randomly to fuck her. Robin
King of All Blacks told Robin that his advice is to stay away from white guys. He said that the first guy, Mr. X, wasn't really that black. Robin said that she's upset that he doesn't know how many white guys she's actually been with.
Fred said that King is a woman compared to Mr. X. He said that Mr. X was a real man. King was saying that a black man who shaves his moustache has something wrong with them. He said that he can't be around a black man like that. He said that they're always talking about soccer and stuff like that. Howard said that most black guys don't have moustaches from what he's seen.
King said that he has a cousin that he wants to introduce to Robin. He said that he's a ''man'' and he wants her to meet her. Robin said that she will look at all comers and she's up for meeting some people. Howard said that he's sure Robin would love to go to family functions with King. Even King laughed at that.
Robin said that there was only a little bit of that game playing going on with Jim toward the end there. She said he wasn't like that the whole time.
Howard got back to the Eric thing and said that it seems that Eric won't come in or call the show now that he's been to jail.
Howard played a clip of Eric talking to Greg about his arrest and release. Eric said he was in for credit card fraud with an old friend of his. Eric said that he and his friend aren't talking to each other right now. Eric told Greg that people were selling weed in jail and his favorite part of being in there were the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. He said that he loved it in there and it was fun. Artie talked about his time in jail and how awful the food was in there.
Howard said that people can find other people than just this one soul mate. Howard said that there are other people out there for people even if they think there aren't any. Robin said that she heard a definition about a soul mate which was ''anyone that enters your life.''
Howard said that he and Beth get along great and he has a great time hanging out with her. He said that he found a friend that he really wants to hang out with and do things with. Bobo asked if they've had any fights or anything. Howard said that they haven't had anything that bad. He said that she even goes to bed at the same time as he does. That's pretty early, around 8.
Howard said that there are other women out there for people. Howard said that it's horse shit that people think that you have to go searching for that one person that is your soul mate. Artie said that he must have a soul mate living really far away from him and he has to go on safari to find her or something.
Bobo told Robin that he's already taken, otherwise he'd be free for her. Robin didn't seem too upset by that. Howard let Bobo go a short time later.
Howard said that Jesse backed out because he didn't want to put his family through what they were going to have to go through. Howard said that Jesse felt that they wrote a lot of stuff about his family that just wasn't true and he didn't want them to go through that again.
Howard said that Jesse is having a good time surfing and stuff every day now so that's another reason he doesn't want to run for senate.
Howard said that he saw an old clip of the Iron Sheik talking about Ventura and calling him the ''medicine man.'' He said he wants to know what that was about so he'll have to ask Jesse about that today.
Howard had some more Nick DiPaolo show clips. He played a clip where Nick talked about Artie asking him for Ambien and Valium while they were over in Afghanistan. Nick was telling stories about what was going on over there and how Artie was talking in his sleep and ordering food in his sleep.
Artie said that Nick has described his flailing arms when he's sleeping and he's actually knocked people's drinks over on flights and stuff.
Howard said that Gary had to hide his Ambien from Artie. Artie said that he wasn't able to sleep in those barracks over there. Gary came in and said that Artie kept asking him for the Ambien and he had to tell him that he didn't have anymore left. He didn't think that Artie should be taking so many pills because he had the Ambien and other stuff that he was taking to get some sleep.
Gary said that he thinks that Artie could tell that he was lying about the Ambien. Artie said that he can tell when people are lying about drugs. Artie said that he bothered Nick so much that he just passed them along to him just to shut him up.
Artie talked about the rash he had after he came back from Afghanistan. He said he went to the doctor and he took some stuff and it went away. Robin said that Jim had something on him too that went away after he took some anti-allergy medication.
Howard talked about how awful it must be over there in Afghanistan. He said that it must be just a hell hole there and the people can't get out of there because they were raised there and can't afford to get out. Artie said that the last night they were there they drove through a little village. It was tent after tent and at night they were just in their tents doing their things like carving a yak or something. He said that the kids would come out and over to the base and play with rocks and stuff. He said that's how they live there and they're not equipped to do anything else in the world. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard said that every time he sits down to write the forward, he ends up playing chess. Robin asked if it's true that he plays chess against Pat before they go running. Howard said that they did that yesterday. He said that they did play for a little while yesterday but then he realized he was running late and had to get going.
Howard said that Pat gets a kick out of the fact that he's gotten so good at playing since they played in the past. He said that Pat doesn't play that much because he's got 2 little kids at home now.
Howard said that the trick to playing is playing against people who are ranked higher than you. He said you learn more that way.
The caller asked if they had any games to play today. Howard didn't have any. He said that he will be writing his vows though. Robin said that she heard about someone who wanted everything written down for their marriage like every detail about keeping the wife in shape and what they were going to keep and give up when they got married.
Howard said that he and Beth are going to get divorced if Beth wakes up one morning and wants to have a baby. He said that he would be miserable and tortured if she did that to him. He said that he'd have to be out of love with her if that came up. He said that he thinks that he could do that if it came to that. Lisa said that he'd be a great dad for a new baby. Howard said that he's not sure if he's a good dad or not. He said they'd have to ask his kids. He said that he does care so that's one good thing about his being a dad.
Howard said he's had his fill of being a dad and he's done with it now. He said that he's bloated from having that fill. Artie said that there's always room for more.
Robin asked Howard what he would do if he just woke up one morning and the baby was already there. Howard said that he would take care of it financially but he would have to say goodbye. He said that he's taking Beth at her word that she doesn't want kids right now. He said that could change but right now it's okay. He said it's enough for him at this point.
Howard said that Beth is talking about getting another dog but he's even discouraging that. He said that he'll tell her that they'll do that in the future but not right now. He said that one dog is plenty for him and it's enough for him to handle. He said that they constantly have stuff going on with her.
Artie said that Dana used to beg him to test out taking care of the dog. Artie said that he had to tell her that he couldn't intentionally kill a dog but he might leave it untied next to the turnpike or something. He said that her dog is a big fuckin' dog too. Robin said that there are people who used to hate dogs and now love them. She said that Mel Karmazin and Don Buchwald are two people who are like that.
Howard said that Tommy Mittola just had a kid and he's already got grown kids. Fred is an older guy with kids too but Howard said that's his first kid so that's different. Fred said that they're going to stick with just the one kid.
Lisa said she spoke to Nick Manning about Robin and Jim's break up. She said that Nick said he predicted that they'd be broken up. She said that Nick isn't going to call her and ask her out though. Howard said that Robin wouldn't fuck Nick Manning in a million years but there are people who think that she'd do him just to get back at Jim.
Lisa said that Richard is in the Harold and Kumar movie, ''Harold and Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay,'' that just came out on DVD. They have more of Richard's scene in the movie than what made it to the theaters.
Howard asked Jesse about going to Vietnam and what he saw over there. Jesse said he got in on that at the tail end and he doesn't talk about whether or not he had any kills there. Howard said that it's a great honor to do that. Jesse didn't think it was.
Howard asked Jesse if he regrets it at all. Jesse said he does not. He said that his parents were both World War II vets. He said that his mother used to drive all the time and his father said that he didn't trust himself driving. When his father died his mother revealed the real reason he didn't drive. He was part of a tank destroyer driver over in Europe and he flashed back to driving over dead bodies so that's why he didn't drive.
Howard said that it would have brought Jesse and his father closer if he had revealed that to him when he was alive. Jesse said he preferred learning it the way he did.
Jesse talked about some of the stuff his father used to do and how he would keep him from knowing some stuff to protect him. He said that his mother was also in the military and she out ranked his father. He said that her favorite show was MASH and she would watch them every night that they were on.
Howard told Jesse that Robin doesn't like the fact that he has hair now and that he dyes it. Jesse said that he does dye it but he doesn't want to go grey. He said that even his wife uses ''Just For Men'' like he does because it works so well. He said that his wife tells him that it's easier than the stuff that they use for women. Howard said that he prefers the bald head too.
Howard asked Jesse why he doesn't like Hulk Hogan now. Jesse said that he and Hulk used to be friends. Jesse said that he made a speech about walking out so they could start a union one time and Hulk didn't want to do it. He wanted everyone to stick together back then, around 1987, and he almost got fired over it. He said that he later found out that he was ratted out to Vince McMahon by Hulk. Jesse said that he had sued Vince and they got it out of him in court. He never spoke to Hulk again after finding that out.
Jesse talked about how there are a lot of corporations out there that are behind in their taxes. He said that wrestling is one of those corporations that claims that the people that work for them are independent contractors and that's just not right. He said that Vince tells them all when they're going to wrestle and who is going to win and lose.
Jesse said that he went was in the Mongrels motorcycle club after he got out of the Navy. He said that he loved riding and did that for a while. He got some unemployment for a while and then went to school to figure out what to do after that. Jesse said that while he was at college he just took whatever he wanted to and took theater classes. He wasn't worried about what he was going to do and just had fun with what he could.
Howard said that he was obsessed with figuring out what he could do and what he was going to study. Jesse said that he found that he liked theater and physical stuff and then realized that he could go into wrestling.
Howard asked Jesse if he liked the Iron Sheik. Jesse said he was a good guy. Howard said that he seems kind of sad now. Jesse said that he didn't get behind him for the union thing either. If he had, maybe he'd have the money he needs for retirement and health care.
Jesse said that they could have formed that union back then but no one stood up behind him to do it. He said that maybe they could have all of that stuff they need now but that's just not the case. He said that they still don't have a union and Vince doesn't have to pay into social security since everyone is an independent contractor.
Howard asked Jesse what the ''medicine man'' is that Iron Sheik refers to when he's talking about Jesse. JD came in and said that Iron Sheik thinks that Jesse was supplying him with drugs. Jesse said that he's not the guy who was doing that, he never gave Sheik anything like that.
Howard asked Jesse what he weighed in the Navy. Jesse said that he was a swimmer and he was 6'4'' tall and 190 pounds. When he graduated from Navy Seal training he was 212 pounds and he got to that in 22 weeks. Jesse said that they went through some heavy training and made them stay awake for 3 days straight. He said that the Seals were a volunteer organization and they had to prove that they could go through all of that stuff.
Jesse said that they have to do a 16 mile run from California to Tijuana. That was in the sand and in boots. He said that they had to do a bunch of squats and stuff before the run. He said that there were plenty of people who didn't make it through that week. He said that on that Friday they ended up doing 1200 of these deep knee bends and there were guys falling on their faces when they had to turn. The instructor was doing them along with them and he had no problem keeping up.
Jesse said that there was one guy who would run with a cigar and a ball of Redman tobacco in his mouth. They were just preparing them for war and not just doing this to give them a hard time. Jesse said that they were made tough enough to survive and there are families who thank the instructor's families for what they did for them.
Jesse said that he got a call from one of the instructors one time when he was on the air and the hair stood up on the back of his neck when he heard his voice. He said that he and the guy still hang out and go fishing together once in a while.
Howard said that he thinks that Jesse could have run for Senate and won. He said that he knows he didn't want to put his family through all of that nonsense again. Howard asked if they do that stuff in the press with Senators. Jesse said that he's an independent so he has no protection so he would be afraid that they would go after him. He said that he doesn't need that from the press.
Robin said that Jesse seems to be a happy man because he has run his life the way he wanted. Jesse said that he's living in Mexico now and things are going okay.
Jesse told Howard about going out to do a wrestling match one night but got struck down with a pulmonary embolism. He said that when he was laying in the bed recovering that he felt the fear of what he was going to do when his career was over. Jesse said that he thought that his career was over and had no idea what he was going to do. He said he got a call from Vince McMahon who actually paid him $1000 a week while he was recovering. He said Vince was very good about that.
Jesse said that Vince asked him to do the announcing for the show and that turned out to be a great thing. He said that he was making as much talking about it as he was doing it and he didn't have to take the abuse in the ring anymore.
Howard brought up Al Franken and how he's running for Senator. He asked Jesse what he thinks about all of that and why Al Franken isn't doing well in the polls. Jesse said that it's his personality on screen. Jesse said that Al sounds very condescending when he gets serious. Then when he's lighthearted, he sounds like he's talking to people as if they're children. He said that he can't find that middle ground that he needs to have.
Jesse said that his brother is a hard core democrat and even he won't vote for Franken. He also said that Franken is a carpet bagger who hasn't lived in Minnesota for 30 years so that's another reason he isn't liked there.
Jesse said he thinks that he would have been senator if he had run. He was also saying that he would suggest a draft if he had gotten into that position because a draft brings that war back home. That would make people react to what's going on over in Iraq.
Howard asked Jesse some other questions and that led to Jesse talking about his book (Don't Start the Revolution Without Me!) and how he thinks that he would be assassinated if he ran for President. He said that he doesn't even believe 9/11 happened the way it did. He said that living down in Mexico gives you a new perspective of this country. He said that this war in Iraq has ruined his beliefs in this country. He said that we are doing things like the Nazis and communists have done by going into that country and doing what we did.
Jesse talked about how this country, under the previous Bush administration, was trying to figure out how to be the one big super power in the world. He said that he thinks that the 9/11 attacks could have been brought about by some of the plans that they were making during that time.
Jesse talked about how he was trained to blow things up and he doesn't believe that the towers fell all by themselves. He said that they fell at the rate of gravity and that just doesn't happen. He said that building 7 also had to have been assisted in coming down. Jesse said that there are a lot of questions that are unanswered to this day. The Department of Justice have never charged Osama bin Laden with those attacks. He said that he thinks that Osama is dead already and he's the modern day Lee Harvey Oswald. He said that he's like the boogey man for this country.
Howard said that this plan in Iraq isn't working all that well and we have to get out of the country. Jesse talked about how gay it looks when President Bush comes out holding hands with an Arab Sheik. He said that he would never do something like that himself and he's not even anti-gay.
Jesse read a quote about war and how countries don't want war but the people can be made to think they have to go to war if they think they are under attack. The quote was from Herman Goering the Nazi. The quote seemed to apply to this country and it makes it sound like we're following the way of the Nazis.
Howard told Jesse what the government did with the merger and how they held it up for 16 months. He said that it's still not done. Jesse said that they don't fall under the FCC anymore and it's a way of them trying to control Howard.
Howard said that he finds it hard to believe that the government would bring down two buildings with its own citizens in it. Jesse said that Osama bin Laden hasn't been blamed for that and it shows that they can't prove that he was. He's been charged with other stuff but not the 9/11 stuff.
Jesse said that no one was demoted or fired after our air defense system failed. He said that they didn't demote anyone, there were people who were promoted. He said that when the nuclear warheads were moved accidentally a couple of years ago, 70 people were fired or demoted. Jesse said he thinks that they kept people in their jobs after 9/11 so no one would talk.
Jesse said that he would be too dangerous as President of this country. He said that he has no one to back him up either.
Dominic Barbara called in and told some stories about how sneaky we were when we told Saddam it was okay to go into Kuwait and then we went in and attacked the country. They talked about what was going on with that for a short time.
Dominic asked Jesse about some other things like Dick Cheney's blind trust and how that's brought in $1.5 billion. They spent a few minutes on that.
Jesse told Howard that he really enjoyed ''Private Parts'' and the character Pig Vomit, played by Paul Giamatti. Howard said that Paul had to audition 3 times for that part and Betty Thomas knew there was something about him. He said that Paul nailed that character and even started to look like the real guy he was playing.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks that Jesse should run for President. Howard said that Jesse thinks he'd be assassinated if he did that though.
Jesse said that he wakes up in the morning with nothing to do, and when he goes to bed, he's half done. He said that he flipped a coin to make his decision to run for senator or not. He said that it was four o'clock on the day of the filing day when he asked his wife what he should do. He said that she told him to just flip a coin so that's what he did. He said he walked to the middle of the living room and flipped the coin and it came up tails. That meant he wasn't running.
Jesse said that when he saw Paul Giamatti playing the part of John Adams, he saw that he had to carry on what these gentlemen started. That's when he thought about running for senator. Jesse said that he thinks that this country is the best in the world but he's angry that we're on a downward spiral. He said that if you look at history, we're becoming Rome.
Howard asked Jesse how he keeps his marriage hot after 33 years. Jesse said that they still have sex 3-4 times a week. He said that Howard should give her a call if he wants to know more. Howard asked if he can still do missionary with her with the new hip. Jesse said that he can still do them all.
Jesse said that his hip was done on a Thursday and he was walking by Friday. He said that he was in his house by Sunday watching TV. He said they did this resurfacing thing on his hip. He said they had to dislocate his hip during surgery. He said that one of the nurses asked him if he had watched anything about the surgery on TV. When he said that he hadn't, she said that was good.
Jesse said that they have to dislocate your hip and then they clean up your joint and cover it with carbon titanium steel and then put you back together. He said that his hip was so bad that he had to sit in a chair after walking 30 feet.
Howard asked Jesse if he would have wrestled if he had known this was going to come up. Jesse said that his father had it too so it could be hereditary.
Robin asked Jesse if he would ever do a reality TV show. Jesse said he would never do what Hulk Hogan did with his family. He said that he doesn't want his kids getting into anything like that. He also talked about how he feels bad for Hulk and what happened with his son. He can't imagine going through anything like that.
Howard talked to Jesse about fights that he's had before and if he's punched a guy out before. Jesse said that he doesn't believe the fights that are on TV. He said that fights on the street are over in 30 seconds and those TV fights last for 25 minutes. He said that they're working stiff as far as he's concerned.
Howard asked Jesse about his Navy Seals experiences and how they would set the explosives. Jesse said that the explosives were magnetized and they would set them on ships and then get the hell out of there. Jesse said that he never had to do anything during the war like that, they were on the land most of the time for that stuff.
Howard asked Jesse if he was banging hookers in Vietnam. Jesse said he didn't do it there, he did that stuff in the Philippines. He said that it was business in Vietnam. He said that they used to go across a river, called the Shit River, to a town where they had clubs and bars where they had tons of women.
Jesse said that he didn't get any diseases over there even though he didn't use condoms. He said that back then they didn't bother with that stuff. He said that they didn't wear underwear back then and he still doesn't wear it. He even showed Howard that he didn't have anything on under his pants.
Howard asked about the condom thing and Jesse said that they didn't even know what they were back then. Howard said that they had a surprise for Jesse this morning and had his Philippino kid there this morning. Artie played that part.
Jesse said that Navy Seals don't wear underwear because if they're on patrol and going through the rivers, they can just go to the bathroom so it's much more sanitary to just do it on yourself than in underwear.
Jesse sang a song to Howard that they used to sing in the Seals. Howard said that was very nice after hearing the song. Jesse sang another one for him after that. Artie ended up singing the Cheers theme song as if it were a gay bar a short time later. Howard said that was Jesse's son from the Philippines. Jesse said that he could say that all he wants but that's not his son.
Howard gave Jesse a plug for his book ''Don't Start the Revolution Without Me!.'' Jesse asked Howard about his movie and if that was base don his book. Howard said that it was based on his book.
Howard told Jesse that he thought he was going to ad-lib through the movie but Ivan Reitman had to pull him to the side and tell him to get his act together. He said he realized what he had to do after that and ended up being the most fun and the biggest accomplishment that he's ever done in his career. He said he'd do another one if he could find something decent to do. Jesse told him he really enjoyed the movie.
Howard asked Jesse if he had fun there today. Jesse said that he did. He said that they did have some problems in the past when they kind of dissed him and told him that they weren't going to get to him the day that he called in. He also complained about them sicking Stuttering John on him one time. Howard said that he had to apologize for not getting to him that day that he called in. He said that he wasn't aware of the slight that day and didn't find out about it until years later.
Jesse said that they're back on level ground now and he's accepted his apology. He said he only made up because he wanted to meet Robin. He asked Howard how long he and Robin have been working together. Howard tried to do the math and came up with 17 years. It turns out it was more like 27 years. Howard's math was off a little bit. Howard said that's not too bad for his math.
Jesse told Howard a story about going out to dinner with a guy one time and how the other guy gave a homeless guy 5 cigarettes. The homeless guy ended up giving them back as he complained that they were Menthol.
Howard asked Jesse if he and Arnold Schwarzenegger are still friendly. Jesse said that they haven't spoken since he became governor of California. Jesse said that they were pretty close when they worked together in the movies.
Jesse said that they he had some fun working with Arnold in Predator. He said that he's made more money in royalties than he got paid initially. He also said that he had to leave wrestling for 10 weeks to shoot it. He said that he was also the first wrestler to come in with an agent. He said that he went to the booker and asked to be on all of the shows out in California. The booker thought that he liked the weather but he was actually going out to meet with his agent. He eventually got that part on Predator which was originally called The Hunter.
Jesse said that he got the part on the movie pretty easy and then had to make the call to Vince to let him know that he had to be out for 10 weeks. Jesse said that he tried calling Vince but Vince didn't want to talk to him because he didn't have time for his personal life. That led to Jesse telling the guy to let Vince know that he was quitting to go work on this new movie with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Jesse said that Vince called him back 5 minutes later and asked about the movie and what was going on there. He said that Vince wanted him to use his agent but Jesse knew that the guy was going to be working for Vince and not for him.
Jesse said that Vince told him that he couldn't go do the movie because he needed him there. Jesse told him that he was going to quit if that was the case. He said that Vince is a great business man but he's ruthless and everything is focused on business and not on people.
Jesse said that he called Vince to do something last May or June and said he had a great angle for Wrestlemania. He said that he wanted to have him do a WWE thing where they were going to create their own political party. They'd have Vince as the candidate and go out and get all of the signatures they needed. He said that they could eventually put him into that spot and they could get him on the ballot that way.
Jesse said he met with Vince but Vince never called him back about that. He said that Vince owes him one and now he has to get even with him. Jesse said that if Howard had been mean to him today, he would have told him that he has to sleep some time after looking at him with his steely eyes. He'd get even with Howard too if he had to.
Jesse said that he did an episode of the TV show Hunter one time. He got a check for that show and Vince McMahon took 50 percent of that. He said that's when he split from Vince and started doing stuff on his own. He said that Vince was like that with a lot of wrestlers.
Howard got in a plug for Jesse's book ''Don't Start the Revolution Without Me!'' and spent a minute talking about that. Jesse said he was very pleased with this appearance because he can walk out of there saying that they are friends. Artie said ''thank god!'' and Howard went to break. Longest segment ever. They went until almost 9:10.
Howard agreed that Jesse was a great guest and he hopes that he comes back. Howard said they went for like an hour and a half with him.
Another caller said he thought that was one of the best interviews in a long time. He said that he got his book the last time he was on and it was a great read. Artie started to do an impression of Jesse and Howard said that's what he should have done when he was playing the part of his son. Artie said he thought about doing that but he didn't want Jesse threatening to get him while he sleeps.
Howard said that he believes that he can say to all of the subscribers that this will be the dominant medium in broadcasting. He said that when he first made the decision to come to satellite, he met with both companies. Howard said he found that XM was kind of arrogant because they thought that SIRIUS was nothing at the time. They assumed that he would sign with them because of that. SIRIUS only had about 600,000 subscribers at the time, actually less than that according to Fred.
Howard said that he liked the people at XM but it took them a long time to make decisions. SIRIUS went after him and they wanted him to come on board with them. Howard said that he thought satellite was on to something
Howard said that the fans supported their move to satellite even though they had to pay for the service. He said that they all came and supported them and that led to this merger. Now today, within 2.5 years, they've gone from 350,000 listeners to 18.5 million. Howard said that the listeners will get the best of both worlds and all of the sports programming they want. He said that they can go after talent now and get more people on the air.
Howard said that they have the number one radio show and there are a lot of people trying to create that same type of thing but it's not going to happen. He said that this supersedes everything in his career.
Robin said that people don't know how much of a risk Howard took making this move to satellite. He risked his reputation because he was the leader and he was going to a new place where everyone had to go through obstacles to get the show. She said that no one believed it would work. Howard said that this is after just 2.5 years and it's just the beginning. He said it's a great day today.
Howard said that Mel Karmazin was able to make this happen and it's the greatest broadcasting story of all time. Howard said he couldn't have even predicted that this merger would happen. He predicted that they would overtake XM with subscribers but this merger was a surprise.
Artie gave a laugh to the government and said that they are a monopoly of satellite radio. Howard said that Artie is just kidding and there are many other places to get music. This is not a monopoly.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who congratulated him on the merger. She wondered if everyone will be able to hear her on XM tomorrow. Howard said that they have to find out from Mel when that is all going to happen. They will find out more tomorrow when Mel comes in.
Artie said that he's very happy for Howard and this makes them a solid business now. He said that he thinks that people will find out how great the show is when they can tune in and hear the show on either service.
Howard said that they have a lot of opportunity for growth and they have a lot of work left to do. He said that he believes that they are going to be able to offer lower prices and more options for subscribers and this will be a great thing. He said it's good for the industry and good for the listeners.
Howard said that the NAB didn't want them to merge because now they have strong competition. He said that they're going to force them to work harder at what they do. He said that with all of the NAB horse shit that this is finally happening. He said that now is the time for the real fight and satellite radio is here to stay and to win.
Artie said that he hopes that his liver stays strong enough that he can live to see this all happen. Howard said that the NAB must be shaking in it's boots. He said that the NAB is the one that doesn't want competition and they're the ones trying to keep them from surviving. Howard said that they'll see who has the energy to beat them now.
Howard said that Mel Karmazin doesn't even sleep. He's up at all hours of the day e-mailing him. Artie said that he doesn't sleep outside of the show, he gets his sleep done there in the studio.
Howard said that this is his greatest accomplishment ever and he told everyone with SIRIUS that he was going to make this happen. Artie said that Jim Florentine is going to hear this and ask for Robin to come back into his life. Fred went into his Jim impression and goofed around with that for a short time.
Fred congratulated Howard as Howard was congratulating people like Mel Karmazin and Scott Greenstein. Fred said that no one would have known what satellite radio was if Howard didn't move there. Howard said that Fred is right about that.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that this was a beautiful morning. She said that Howard was in a fight and he finally won. Howard said that terrestrial radio went to war with satellite radio as soon as he signed on withy SIRIUS. He said that they were against him moving, they stopped their DJs from working for them and they tried to stop this merger.
Howard said that he had to thank the republican party for voting to approve this merger. He said that the Democrats were ones who didn't vote for it. He had to give a big ''Fuck you!'' to the lobbyists who were trying to put a stop to it. Fred threw in some Iron Sheik ''fuck you'' clips.
The woman on the phone said that Howard can't retire now that they have this going on. Howard said that he's not even thinking about that right now. He said that he listens to this company's service all the time and he's always got his radio on.
Robin said that she got a brand new car. Howard cut her off and asked what she's up to. She said that she was replacing a car. She said that she has a total of four cars and it's not that much. She has one SUV and a couple of 2 seaters. She said that she got a new SUV and she may get rid of one of her Corvettes.
Robin said that they were supposed to have installed satellite radio in her vehicle and they hadn't. She said that she got out of the car and said she didn't want it when they told her that they didn't have it installed. She would not accept the car without satellite.
Double A called in and congratulated them. He said that it was a great day today. Howard took another call from a woman who said that she was going to tell Howard he could talk about this today but he already got into it. Howard said that this is what the NAB has feared the most. He said that they're going to have to figure out how to compete. 18 million listeners is nothing to sneeze at. Artie said he thinks that they're going to see a spike in subscriptions now. He figures that there were people waiting to subscribe until this merger went through.
After the break Howard had Steve Langford come in with his Howard 100 News preview. Steve said that they're working on Eric the Nose Picking, Booger Eating Midget. He said that some people are claiming they saw Eric eating his boogers. Howard asked Steve if he saw it and if it looked like he was eating them. Steve said that he's not sure if he was eating them.
Howard's father Ben called in and congratulated them on the merger. He said that Mel Karmazin must be on cloud 9. Howard said that Mel is completely exhausted from this process from what he's heard. Ben said that this whole thing had nothing to do with the FCC and they shouldn't have taken so long to come up with a decision. He said that the FCC is supposed to keep control of cable TV but they don't seem to be doing anything about the problems they're having.
Howard said that this whole thing was political and that's why it was held up so long. Ben said that he heard that there was going to be a 6 year cap on the subscriber rates and that shouldn't be something that the FCC demands. Howard said that this is kind of bitter sweet and it took 17 months for the FCC to approve this. He said that this country is supposed to support business and growth and they're really just making it hard.
Ben said that the FCC should have nothing to do with pricing of a service like this. He said that none of them have run a business and they have no idea what they should be doing. Howard said that he's right about that and it's not easy for this company to make it, even with the merger. He said that it's still not guaranteed to make it as a company even after the merger.
Howard and Robin spent a short time talking about the merger and the things that were being argued as to why this merger shouldn't have gone through. Robin asked where the fines go that they're paying to the FCC. Ben said that it's just a big shake down. Ben said that they wanted half a billion dollars after Janet Jackson let her breast slip out during the Super Bowl. Howard said that it's criminal what this government does to them.
Howard said that Mel was tirelessly working to make this happen. Ben said that he was very happy that they finally got it approved. He just wanted to give them his two cents.
Howard said that his father was very upset about the threatened 6 year cap on pricing. Ben gave some history on the guy who was suggesting that and said that the guy had no idea what it takes to run a business. He said he came up with this hair brained scheme and he had no experience. Fred said that the guy, Edelstein, was basically a teacher before he was on the FCC. Fred had some history on the guy and told Howard about that.
Howard said that today is a great day and he's very grateful that the republicans passed this thing. He said that they can't forget that without him this never would have happened. Howard let his father go a short time later. Howard ended up getting angry when his father was talking about Mel too much. He demanded that he talk about him instead because Mel isn't his son.
Howard said that Mel took Infinity Broadcasting from a tiny company into a huge company. Now he's taken SIRIUS to where it is now. Howard said that he thinks that Mel would have left the company if this merger didn't go through.
A caller said that back in 2006 Robin said that she would flash them if they got a certain number of subscribers by a certain time. Robin said that she never agreed to do that but she was asked.
Steve said that he spoke to 3 people, some from SFN, who said that they saw this happen and Eric has a track record for not telling the truth. Eric said that Steve has the track record of being a dumb fuck. Steve said he has 3 people who saw this happen live.
Gary said he thought that they had caught Eric doing it and showed it to Howard. Eric told Gary to shut up ''Baba Retard.''
Steve said that they don't have the live video of Eric doing it but they do have some screen saves. Howard told Eric that if he needs food he'll send him some. Eric said he doesn't need anything.
Howard said he believes Eric. Fred said he doesn't. Steve said that the people he interviewed gave definitive answers about the booger eating. Eric wanted to know who they were.
Howard asked Eric to swear on the life of his mother that he didn't do it. Eric said that he wasn't going to go through that again. Howard took that as meaning he did do it. Eric insisted that he didn't do that. He said that he won't swear on the life of his mother because it was stupid of him to do that the first time.
Artie told Eric that there's no one on SFN immature enough to spread rumors about him. Eric told him to give him a break. Artie told him to look up sarcasm in the dictionary.
Ralph asked what time Eric will be picking his nose. Eric said he doesn't do that. Howard then pointed out that Eric was swearing on his mother's life on something that he ended up lying about.
Shuli came in and said that he saw Eric eating something one time and he thinks that it may have been a booger. Howard asked Eric to swear on his mother's life and end the controversy. Eric swore on his mother's life that he did not eat a booger. Howard said that he was going to accept that as meaning he really didn't.
Eric told Ralph to go suck a dick after he said something to him. Ralph said that he loves that the discussion went from the merger to Eric's booger. Ralph got off the line a short time later. Howard let Eric go too.
Steve said that the people say that Fred was making a scene and he was being very obnoxious. They said that Fred was honking his horn like a nut. Fred said that he was telling the truth and Steve was just trying to make it more of a story than it was. Steve said that they're claiming that it was a much shorter time period than Fred claims.
Fred said that he thought his wife was going in for 5 minutes but it turned out to be longer than that. Fred said that his side of the story was the right one. Steve said that the witness claimed it sounded threatening to him. Fred said that it really wasn't though. Fred said that the person was being obnoxious and an asshole and that's all there is to it.
After Steve wrapped up his news preview Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran through his list of topics for today's Wrap Up Show. That led to the guys talking about Robin's admission that it was Jim who broke up with her. Robin said that there were some discussions about whether or not Artie would invite her to his house at the same time Jim was there. Artie said that he would invite both of them but he would ask the two of them first. He'd probably turn Jim away if he had an issue with it. Robin is a woman so he'd have more sympathy for her. He said that if he really had to choose one of the two, he'd probably pick Robin. He figured that Jim would never speak to him again after this.
Jon mentioned the SIRIUS XM Satellite name so Howard asked if that's a good one to go with. Jon said he thinks that it will change in the near future but it's a good one for now.
Howard had Robin get to her news. She started off with a story about a woman who launched herself off a machine in a gym. She had put too much weight on it and ended up flinging herself across the room. They had to take her out in a Stokes basket instead of on a stretcher because the woman was so big.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he was at the Ikea and saw Fred flipping out on this guy. He said that it was in the afternoon around 2 o'clock. Fred said that Steve revealed that in his report. Fred thought the guy was lying because he didn't curse like the guy claimed he was. Howard hung up on him a short time later.
Robin read a story about Amy Winehouse going into a hospital for another overdose. Howard said that she's an embarrassment.
Artie came up with a new name for the satellite company. He said that it might upset the government but ''Satellite Monopoly'' is the name he was thinking of. Howard said it would have been great if they just named it ''Howard Radio.'' Robin said that should have been in his original contract to name SIRIUS ''Howard Radio.'' Howard said that even he doesn't have the balls to demand that.
Robin read a story about John Voight getting all over Barack Obama's case and talking about how he's not all he's being made out to be. She had a story about the baby boom that seems to be going on in Los Angeles. Artie said that in about 20 years there will be a lot of unemployed 20 year old actors.
Robin read a story about Robert Novak's accident with a bicycle rider recently and how he's been diagnosed with a brain tumor. He may have been telling the truth that he didn't know that he hit the cyclist. Robin mentioned that he's going to a woman's hospital so that led to a few jokes about that from Artie. He said that they probably lose a lot of patients about once a month.
Robin said that there's a story about lobsters and how the soft green stuff could be contaminated with stuff that could cause some major problems. Howard said that's the lobster's liver and that's where all of the contaminants go.
Robin said that the Chinese are trying to clean up Beijing for the Olympics but they're having a hard time and now the Olympians are going to have to breath in some of the worst air in the world.
Artie said that he's going to celebrate this merger today and go off his 12,000 calories a day to maybe 15,000.
Robin said that some guy was arrested for dressing up like the Joker from the Dark Knight movie. That led to Howard talking about how he got a joker mask from the movie as a promotional item and he and Ralph dressed up as Batman and Joker and played around a little bit. He said he was just making that up when Artie asked why he would admit to that. Howard said that he did get that stuff from the movie and Ralph did put the masks on just to check them out.
Artie said he still hasn't seen that movie or Iron Man. He said he did rent Eastern Promises and he really liked that.
Ralph called in and said Howard did put on the Batman mask. He also said that he thought about going out to try and rob a bank when he got that joker mask. Robin said that this kid who was dressed as the joker tried to steal some Batman memorabilia.
Robin said that there was a lawmaker that resigned when he was accused of possibly being into child porn. She read through that and then read some other stories about John McCain, Barack Obama commenting on the bad economy, McCain getting a piece of skin removed from his face and a guy who killed two people in a church. Robin read about the Batman movie ruling the box office and making $315 million already. She had some clips of some of the people in the movie talking about it. She talked about a new movie called Swing Vote and played some clips from the cast of that movie.
Robin also brought up the new X-Files movie and how it's getting bad reviews. Howard said he didn't get the TV show. He didn't see the movie. and he won't see this new one. Artie said that he liked the first movie but didn't like the TV show.
Robin said that Wesley Snipes is out on bail during his pre-trial services and he's not keeping them updated enough about where he's going and what he's up to. He may be thrown back in jail. Robin wrapped up after that and Howard ended the show around 11:00am.
Jon said that Howard was impressed with Robin talking about how she was dumped. Gary said that has to be tough for anyone to admit to. He said that she got out in front of the whole thing and just got it out there before it got out of control.
Jon brought up Jesse Ventura and how this was the first time he had been in the studio live. Gary said that he doesn't buy a lot of his conspiracy theories but he liked the guy on the show. Jon said that he rolled with things pretty well during the interview.
Jon asked Gary if he thinks Jesse is holding up well. Gary said that he must be near 60 and he is looking good if that's how old he is. They talked about some of the other stuff that they talked about during the interview and Gary found out that Jesse is actually 57.
Gary said that some of those conspiracy theories would keep him from voting for the guy into office. Jon played some of that part of the interview and Gary said that he did agree with some of what he was saying. He said that he's not buying all of it though.
Scott DePace came in and said that he thinks the guy is a crackpot. He said that he thinks that there's no way the World Trade Center was brought down by anything other than the planes and the fire. Gary asked him about building 7 and why they would have to take that building down. Scott said that there aren't any people out there admitting to have placed the explosives or anything like that. Gary said that people can't even keep a secret in an office so there's no way all of that would be kept secret.
Scott said that he thinks that there just weren't any weapons of mass destruction over in Iraq and no one was trying to pull the wool over our eyes or anything like that. He thinks that they just went in looking for them and came up empty. Gary asked why they don't go after other countries then. Benjy said that Iraq broke treaties so it was supposed to be a legal invasion.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that they're doing a great job there. He also said that he wanted to talk about the union thing that Jesse was talking about. He said that he thinks that McMahon and Hulk Hogan showed what kind of assholes they were with that whole thing about the union. They talked about that for a short time.
A woman called in and said that Jesse's interview really was great and he just tells it like it is. She said that she thinks that Artie has to stop trying to steal the spotlight from the guests. She thought he was interjecting during the interview and he really didn't need to do that. Gary didn't think he was trying to steal the spotlight. Jon and Fred didn't think that was the case either.
Fred said that he thinks that Jesse was a great guest but he didn't agree with the conspiracy theories. He and Scott DePace agreed on the World trade Center stuff. Fred said that as much as he dislikes Bush, he can't imagine him taking out 3000 of our citizens to make this war happen.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that the Jesse interview was one of the best he's ever heard. He said that all politicians should be like that and maybe they could get this country turned around and back to what it used to be.
Another caller said that he wanted to question a remark that Scott DePace made. He said that Scott said that ''we thought there were weapons of mass destruction'' in Iraq. He said that Bush told us that there ''were'' WMDs over there and he was wrong. Scott said that all of their intelligence said that there were WMDs there and that's why they went in. The caller said that the weapons inspectors went in and found nothing there before they went in to attack.
The caller and Scott spent a short time arguing about that nonsense for a few minutes. Then Benjy remembered that this guy had called him and told him that he was sick of Artie whining about heroin because heroin does nothing to you. The caller said that he was right about that. The guy was also saying that guys should be able to say that another man is a good looking man without saying that he's not gay. Fred said that you have to do that, it's the code of man. Benjy said that's like Richard touching Sal's balls and saying that he's not gay.
Jon took another call from a woman who said that they don't realize that Robin has a Machiavellian mind and this break up is going to hurt Jim's career. She said that she wanted to go see Jim doing a show but now that they've broken up, she doesn't care anymore. She wanted to see what he looks like but now she doesn't care.
Gary said that he thinks that Robin did the right thing by getting the story out there first so people know where she's coming from. The woman on the phone was going on and on about Robin. She thinks that Robin was taking a jab at Jim but Fred said that she's really not.
Fred said that the way Steve wrote the story made it sound like he had just one side of the story. He wanted to give his side of the story too. Fred said he knew that this was coming and he knew that someone was going to call in with the story. He figured that the call would come through to the show, not to Howard 100 News.
Fred said that Stuttering John used to let that kind of stuff through on the phones. He used to work with Sal the Stockbroker to make up stories to get him all worked up.
Steve came in and said that they are never afraid to do stories. Gary asked if they were nervous or skittish. Steve said they may be but they are not afraid. Steve said that they have done some stories where they do the discovery process live on the air so that might be what they did today. Steve said that he was trying to get Fred yesterday but he missed him. He said that it makes for great drama on the air too and that's what they got today.
Fred said it would have been nice if Steve had come up to him and asked him what happened. Fred objects to the slant that Steve is putting on the story. Steve said that it's not a slant. He said that it's just another side of the story.
Steve said that he was outside to interview Fred after the show and Fred walked away. Fred said that he had places to be and he's not running away from him. Steve said that he did walk away. Fred said that is Steve's truth. Steve said he has the proof on the tape and he will have a story about that on Howard 100 News today.
Steve said that he feels that Fred is acting like Eric the Midget with this and he's flailing around like he's guilty and trying to get out of it. He said that Fred is not telling the whole story and he's leaving stuff out. Fred asked what he's leaving out. Steve kept bringing up that Fred isn't giving his side of the story.
Benjy was yelling at Steve trying to get more information out of him about the whole Fred thing but Steve was telling Benjy that he's just in a Shtick Coma and he's lying about his age. Benjy said that Steve is afraid of the truth and he didn't do his job yesterday.
Gary asked why they didn't call Fred after the show yesterday. Steve said there are some people they just do not call at home and Fred is one of them.
Steve said that they asked Fred about the story and if these things happened. Fred gave them his answers and they are going to use both sides to tell the story.
Jon took a call from a woman who said that she gets why Fred is upset because he was trying to tell his side of the story but Steve already heard the other side and he was arguing with him.
Benjy asked Steve some questions trying to get some answers out of him. Steve was asking him about his age again and there was some dead silence there for a few seconds.
Jon got back to the phones and one guy told Steve he was being a douche bag. Steve said that reporters can be douche bags at times because they are the ones asking questions. Another caller was saying that Steve was just going on and on about Fred walking away. Steve told everyone to listen to the tape today.
Jon and Gary got in a plug for the Sony Vaio giveaway they're doing and how you can enter that contest at Sirius.com/HowardStern.
Benjy said that he wanted to know if Steve had ever used another word to describe a black person. Steve said no to that and said that Benjy was just in another shtick coma. He refused to answer it and they were yelling at each other. Jon had to go to a break after that.
Fred said that Steve came in one time and said that he had the name of a guy who had cut the lines in Cleveland. Fred said that he corrected Steve in that segment about the guy's name and Steve refused to accept that he was wrong. Fred said he insisted that he had said the name was right. Steve told him to pull the tape. Fred told Steve to pull the tape and prove him wrong.
Fred said that he's had a bunch of people ask why Steve doesn't have video of Eric the Midget eating his boogers. Steve said that they have 3 different people who are claiming that they saw the same thing. He said that when you have that many people saying the same thing, you go to press with the story. Steve said that they don't think that they're the same people or anything like that.
Benjy brought up a story about Steve being called ''Mud Langford'' because he had crapped his pants one time. Steve said that Benjy was half right on that story. He said that he did have that nickname but it wasn't from messing in his pants.
Benjy said that he was saying that it was reported that way and that's what he was trying to point out. Steve and Benjy were arguing about sources of stories and things like that but Steve was still saying that it was Benjy in a shtick coma.
Steve said that the mud thing is from him telling too many shit jokes. He said that he used to tell shit jokes and that's how he got the ''Mud'' nickname when he was doing some shows out on the West Coast.
A caller asked Steve if he will ever admit he's wrong. Steve said that he would if he was wrong. He said he hasn't had to retract any stories there as far as he remembers. The caller said that Steve is just a douche bag.
Benjy was asking Steve more questions but he had to run to their creative meeting. Jon said that a lot of people were running away now. They all ran out and left Steve, Jon and JD behind.
Jon asked Steve why he didn't come in and talk to Fred before he went to air with that story. Steve said that they don't do that very often. He said they took their chances this morning by doing that with Fred.
Steve said they were not afraid to do the story today. He said that they considered the consequences of doing the story but they were not afraid to do it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Steve is expendable and he has to be reminded of that. Steve said that if they don't want those types of stories to be reported then they can get rid of him. The caller said that Penny Crone was let go and Steve could be let go too. Steve said he may be right but if they don't want them there then they can let them go.
Another caller asked what real reporters are doing on the air if Steve is making stuff up. Steve said that they are more reliable than even places like who is across the street from them (FOX News). Steve said that people always get upset when they're in the cross hairs. He said that Fred was in them, so was Eric the Midget. He said that this is just the way it is.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that he thinks Fred is a great guy and an excellent part of the show. He said that New York drivers are crazy and this story is probably just being blown out of proportion. Steve said they have an eyewitness and Fred's story but this gentleman wasn't there.
Jon said that there is a lot of road rage in all of them. He said it doesn't matter where they are. Jon said he had to wrap up after that. He asked the guys if they had anything to plug. JD just mentioned what games he was playing on his PS3. Teddy got in a few plugs for Artie before they ended it.
Howard started off the show talking about Robin's new hair do. He said it was pulled back very tightly. Robin said she was at the beauty parlor the other day and that's the way she did her hair so she kept it that way. She said she didn't go blonde or anything like that. Howard said he can't imagine her like that.
Howard said he heard a tape of Robin hitting on Gregg from Howard TV and she comes on kind of aggressive. She said she's just playing around with him and she's not serious. Howard said that it's like she's a dirty old man hitting on a young girl.
Howard played the clip and Robin is asking Gregg why he didn't come into the studio when they had another guy in there. Robin was saying that she thinks he's probably got some amazing things going on under his shirt. Howard told her to just imagine if he had said that to a younger girl that she had something amazing going on under her shirt.
Howard said that Robin is on the prowl and asked her what she thinks is going on under Gregg's shirt. Robin said that she was just joking around.
Howard said that he was writing Artie's foreword for his book and read it to Beth. He doesn't think that she was all that into it. Artie said that it was a little dark.
Howard said that he polled everyone there about how fucked up Artie is. He did a survey to find out what the guys thought. Artie laughed when he heard that. Howard said that some people didn't respond. Howard said that he didn't want to make the book unreadable for Artie. Artie said he told some pretty dark stories in the book himself so it might just be okay to do that.
Howard thought it set the wrong tone so he's not going to do that. He had to write something else. He told Artie not to use it if he doesn't like it. He said he thought he had until August 11th but it's actually the 5th. Artie said that he thought it was the 10th or 11th but it might be the 5th. Howard said he had it written down in his book as the 5th so that must be it.
Howard said that he doesn't know when he's going to do this bachelor party thing with Artie. He said they may have to do it after the wedding. He said he'd love to do it and said it will be very nice.
Artie said that he would have to sleep over at Artie's place if he goes there after the show one day. Artie said he's got plenty of rooms. Howard said that he'd like to just do it over the web or something instead.
Howard said that Artie is a really nice guy for offering to do this. Fred said that maybe Howard should write the foreword showing why Artie isn't fucked up. Howard said that's not what he wants to do.
Robin said that she should be at Howard's bachelor party. Howard said that she should and she should be wearing pasties and a thong.
Howard played the clip of this Tiffany talking and then feeling the earthquake. She said she was going to leave the building and told the guys to pause the show. Howard said that they should have a natural disaster every day over there because that was kind of interesting. He said he heard it was a 5.8 on the Richter scale and it lasted for along time too.
Robin said she saw people standing near the buildings out there and she didn't understand why they would do that. Howard wondered why people would want to live out there.
Artie said that he was out there from 1995-2001 and he was in 2 earthquakes. He said that he felt one and didn't even know he was in another one. In 2000 he was awakened by the rumble and wondered if it was the big one that was going to get him. He said he felt hopeless while the earth was moving. Robin said that they were saying that they're just going to have bigger ones out there and that's just crazy.
Howard read about the gifts that this Ted Stevens got from some oil companies. He got a Viking grill and a few other things. Robin said that the grill might have been worth it.
Howard read some of the other things that were in this article. He read about the bridge that the guy had built up in Alaska that cost millions and went nowhere.
Howard read a quote from another senator who was saying that he wishes Stevens the best and that they all have tough times. Howard said that he likes Arlen Specter but he said that he thought that Stevens was an honest man and that's the way he knew him.
Howard said that most of these politicians are disingenuous and they would all probably do this if they were in the same position. He said that they would do that and they would probably get abortions for their kids if they were in that position, even if they claimed they were against it.
Howard said he thought that this guy Richard Cohen was a liberal but he's having problems endorsing Barack Obama. He talked about that for a minute and said that he thought for sure that the guy would be pro-Obama. Howard said that this is giving him reason to think and he's not sure who he's going to vote for. He said he doesn't really want to vote for McCain but he's not sure he can bring himself to vote for Obama. He said he likes Obama's thoughts on the Iraq war though.
Robin said that she would be pissed at America if they came in and messed up her country and then left. Howard said that's kind of what McCain is saying and that's why he's saying that we're stuck there until things are better. He wants to try and clean things up over there before they pull the troops out.
Howard said he doesn't know how to vote at this point, he's confused. Artie said that he talked to a lot of the troops over in Afghanistan and they're saying that they tried to leave once and things got worse. They have to get it done quickly in Iraq because they need the troops and equipment there in Afghanistan.
Howard said that the people in Iraq even like the idea of getting them out of there on a time table. They want to set a goal and get us out. Howard said he'd want them there as long as possible if he were running that country.
Howard said that he gets voting papers from SAG and he usually just throws them in the garbage. He said he might have to avoid voting in this Presidential election because he doesn't feel qualified to vote in this one.
Howard read one e-mail from a former NYC cop who was injured during 9/11. He said that he didn't like the conspiracy thing and said that they couldn't have pulled off what Jesse was accusing them of. Howard said he doesn't buy into those conspiracy theories either.
Robin said that he did sound like he knew what he was talking about when he said he was an explosives expert. Howard read through some more mail and it seemed like most people liked the interview even if they didn't like the conspiracy theories.
Howard read some mail where people did bad mouth the interview. There wasn't much of that though. Howard had more positive stuff about him than negative.
A caller on the line asked Howard about the merger and if his lifetime service is going to be good. Howard wrote down the question so he can ask Mel Karmazin about that when he comes in. The caller said he's been listening to the show for 25 years now and he thinks that the show got even better when he moved to satellite. He said that his buddies with XM are happy the merger went through. Howard said he's happy too and he's proud to be part of it. He said they'll talk more about that later.
The caller asked if Howard had any games to play today. Howard said he didn't but they are getting to the Baba Booey song parody contest finalists this morning. They're going to pick a winner out of the 5 finalists. Howard said that he's tired of the voting and he can't handle it.
Howard played one clip where a woman called in and said that Robin has a Machiavellian mind. Howard said that was a theory from the mind of a listener who thought Robin masterminded the whole break up. Robin said she didn't even say who broke up with who at first.
Howard had another clip where Fred and Steve Langford ended up getting into an argument about the news story that Steve was doing. Fred said that he has no problem with people calling in but he didn't like that Steve didn't come to him before he went on the air with the story.
In the clip Jon Hein brought up the Steve Langford story and Fred went off on him immediately saying that his story was full of lies. Howard said that they do have to give both sides of the story. Robin said that they don't do that though.
Fred said that Steve is the first one to lecture people on how to do a story and he's the one who never follows his own rules.
Howard played another clip where Fred was talking to Steve about the story and saying that he really should have come to him first. Steve ended up comparing that conversation to Eric the Midget's arguments with him. Steve and Fred argued for a short time about the way things were happening there. Steve said that Fred wasn't telling the whole story but he had no proof of that.
Fred said that he thinks that Steve can't support his own arguments from what he can tell. Fred said that he has a witness of his own that saw what went down there in the Ikea parking lot. That guy will back up what he was saying about the story.
Benjy was all over Steve yesterday too so Howard played a clip of him trying to get some information out of Steve. Steve and Benjy went back and forth for a short time with Benjy acting like a nut. Howard said that it means nothing when Benjy comes to your defense. Fred said that it did make him feel good even though he didn't know what Benjy was trying to do.
Howard said that what Benjy was doing was his shtick coma just like Steve said it was. He said that Benjy was getting bizarre but it was funny. Fred said that he didn't know what was going on there either but it was funny to him.
Howard played more of Benjy and Steve arguing. Steve revealed where his nickname ''Mud Langford'' came from. That came from him making too many shit jokes. The guys said that didn't sound right to them. Artie heard that he shit his pants at Hard Copy and that's where the name came from. He said that he had a guy come up to him in L.A. one time and told him the story about the shitting his pants thing. He said that he brought it up and Steve pulled him aside and told him that the shitting the pants thing was ridiculous and made up.
Howard said that it did sound suspicious to him because ''Mud'' doesn't sound like something that you'd be called for telling shit jokes.
Robin said that she read that Chuck Berry is still doing shows at 81 and she can't imagine having to work until that age. Howard said that he doesn't want anyone to have to come to him and tell him that no one wants to hear him on the air anymore when he's that age. He wants to get out when he's still on top.
Howard said that Imus is still doing shows but that guy never had the talent that he has. He said that no one would pay to hear him on satellite. He said that he's got some people listening to his show now but his numbers have never been impressive. Bobo said that he does get advertisers though. Howard said that they must be insane too.
Bobo asked if they would go to an afternoon schedule if he signed on for more time. Howard said he would think about it but they have two and a half years left before that happens. He said that it's going to be like 2015 by the time that two and a half years rolls around. Robin told him to check his math so Howard said that he'd have to do the hard math to figure that out.
Howard said that he's of mind not to be there in 2 and a half years. He said that if he has any kind of sanity he'll be gone.
Fred asked Bobo if it's illegal to block someone in a parking lot. Bobo said that it is. Fred explained how he was stuck in the parking lot and wasn't able to leave. Howard said that the thing was the way Fred reacted to that illegality. Fred said that he did honk his horn but he didn't go stomping around the parking lot and he didn't swear at anyone. Fred wondered what's a reasonable amount of time to wait before you honk. Howard said that 30 seconds is probably good. Fred said that he had to apologize to his family if he's embarrassed them at all.
Robin said that she ran into Fred's wife and daughter yesterday in Bed Bath and Beyond. Robin said that his daughter is very gorgeous and the spitting image of Fred. She said that she is stubborn just like Fred is too. She said that she thinks that Fred was outside getting into an argument with someone in the parking lot.
Robin said that Allison was having some trouble moving around with her injured foot. She said she was out of the cast but she's still having a hard time walking. Howard asked what Tess did when Robin said hello. Robin said that she did say hello but she was very focused on doing whatever it was she was doing. Howard said it sounds like she's just like Fred.
Fred said Tess thinks that he's the greatest daddy in the world. Howard asked Robin if she learned anything that she could tell them that they didn't know before. Robin said that she wants to set a date to get together with Fred and his family.
Robin said that Tess was just playing with something girly and she wasn't showing any signs of being a lesbian or anything. Howard was asking about that so that's why she brought that up. Fred did an impression of Steve doing a report about that and making it sound like they were going to be investigating her about the lesbianism thing. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Howard said that the name is a good idea because they let people know that they've still got XM and SIRIUS. Mel said that they don't want to make XM or SIRIUS seem obsolete because General Motors cars have an XM button on their radios. They also have other vehicle manufacturers who have SIRIUS buttons in their vehicles.
Howard asked Mel what it was like waiting 18 months for the government to make a decision while they dragged everything out. Howard said that he was incensed by the whole thing. Mel said that it was really dreadful and there was no reason that they shouldn't have allowed the merger to take place. He said they could have done that really early on too.
Howard said that he was talking to a lawyer about the merger and he was saying that it shouldn't have been dragged out. He asked Mel if he thinks it had something to do with him. Mel said that he did think that it could have had something to do with Howard all along. Mel said that Howard brought a lot of attention to satellite radio and brought it to the top of everyone's mind. Mel said that anything that involved satellite radio became big news once Howard made that move.
Mel said that he had done over $200 billion worth of mergers in his career and this is one of the smaller ones that he's dealt with and it took the longest to make happen. He said that they had more comments on this merger than even on the Exxon/Mobil merger.
Howard said that Mel got very thin and he asked if it was because of the merger. Mel joked that he was on a hunger strike to make sure this happened. Mel said that he figured if he stopped eating, maybe they would do something to make it happen.
Howard said that the FCC's mission was never to price control but they seem to be doing that with this merger. Mel said that the standard the FCC has is that the merger is in the public interest. He said that they never said price controls. Mel said that they voluntarily set price controls. He said that they want to lower the prices so they can get even more subscribers. Mel said that the FCC accepted the price locks and that's what part of the deal was.
Mel said that there were two people in the FCC, who are democrats, and they have never seen a merger that they would approve. He said those two people think that there is too much consolidation in this country as it is. Mel said that they think that consolidation should never occur and that's very odd.
Mel said that with all of the technology that's out there now, consumers has more choices than ever so they are competing against all of that stuff.
Mel said that he had to thank the NAB for their objections to this merger. He said that he went to the board to talk about the merger back in 2007 and told the board that if the NAB challenged the merger, it would clearly demonstrate that they compete with them. He said that there can't be a monopoly if the broadcasters are fighting it. He said that the smarter people in congress and the FCC saw what was going on and the more the NAB went after them, the better it was for the merger.
Howard asked Mel about being a part of the NAB in the past and how he feels now that he's basically given them the finger and won. Mel said he feels really good about it. He said that when he was in terrestrial radio he hated satellite radio. He said that they were nothing at the time but he hated it. Mel said he wanted people listening to his radio stations, not to satellite or an iPod. Mel said he understands why the NAB was against it but their strategy wasn't a good one.
Howard asked Mel if he thought that the merger would not be approved. Mel said that he had doubts all along until Monday night when they signed the papers to make that merger happen. Howard said he had doubts too and he still didn't believe it until yesterday.
Mel said that as of last Friday night he still had questions about the whole thing. Mel said that XM had a bunch of debt that they had to cover. They had to come up with $1.25 billion to cover that debt. He said they had to sell a bunch of stock at really low prices and he hated to do that. He said that they had to do a lot of ugly things to make that happen.
Howard asked Mel what would have happened if the merger didn't happen. He asked Mel if he would have left. Mel said that it would have motivated him more and he would not have left. Mel said that he thinks that SIRIUS could have survived without the merger but who knows if that was the case. Mel said that SIRIUS would have survived and XM claims that they would have been able to survive too. Mel said that he would have done everything possible to sink XM if the merger didn't go through.
Mel said that he would have felt defeated if the merger didn't go through. He said that the company was in limbo for the past year and an half and it would have been tough to deal with this if it hadn't gone through.
Howard asked Mel if he thinks that people were confused about the merger and didn't buy radios while the merger was in limbo. Mel said he thinks that's exactly what was going on. He said there was a lot of confusion going on during all of that. He said that it was like the confusion between HD-DVD and Blu-Ray.
Mel said that the board members were phenomenal during this whole process. They were 100 percent supportive of the whole thing.
Howard asked Mel if there was any love making involved after the merger went through. Mel said that his wife has always been there for him. He said that he woke her up when it went through and she told him to take the dog out for a walk.
Howard asked why Tim Sabean is so heavy. Mel said he hadn't noticed that but said that everyone deals with stress in different ways.
Howard asked Mel when he became such a dog person. Mel said that when he married his wife, Terry, he wasn't rally a dog person. She was. He said that she wanted a dog so they adopted a border collie named Angel. He said that he has become addicted to dogs now and he's so sorry that he didn't have a dog in the past. He said that he loves the dog and he donates to charities for animals and things like that.
Howard asked Mel if the dog loves him more than Terry. Mel said Terry thinks that's the case. He said that he talks to the dog and he tells the dog all of the bad things about Terry so that must be the reason.
Howard asked Mel where they are at with the company right now. Mel said that they have just added the companies together and they are the second biggest radio company in the world. Their revenue is 2.2 billion a year. The only bigger one is Clear Channel and he thinks that they will become the largest radio company in the world, in a very short time.
Mel said that they have over 18 million subscribers and the only company that has more than that is Comcast. He said that they have more than DirecTV, Echostar and Cablevision. Mel said that they can attract content and satellite works, people are paying for radio and loving it. He said that people are very satisfied and now the only question is if they can make money.
Mel said that this will create a lot of efficiencies that will enable them to make money. Mel said that the question is how much they'll make, not if they can make money. He said that they're very excited about the prospect of all of this stuff. Howard said that maybe they should have Robin get topless to celebrate. Mel seemed to be ready to see that.
Mel said that he thinks that this is a great way to get audio content. He said that they have deals with every single car company now so they will have radios available from all of them.
Mel said he was down at XM yesterday and he will be there tomorrow. He said that they're working on getting the call centers set up to offer the best of both products on both receivers. He said that all of the receivers will be able to get Howard's show. This may not happen until September or October. They will extend the SIRIUS content to XM subscribers by that time.
Howard said that nothing changes yet but they will be able to add stuff. Mel said that for four bucks a month they will be able to upgrade to get Howard's show by that time. Mel said that they're going to have XM available to SIRIUS subscribers too but nothing is changing if you don't want it to.
Mel said that they have never raised their prices over the years. He said that they won't be doing that over the next 3 years either.
Gary asked Mel if he will be able to get baseball on SIRIUS. Mel said that they haven't announced any of that stuff yet. He said that for an additional $12.95 a month he'll be able to get an XM radio and get all of that content. He said that with a laugh.
Howard asked about the lifetime subscription that the caller asked about earlier. Mel said that nothing will change with that. He said that all of the radios out there will not become obsolete. He said that they are going to keep the lifetime subscriptions just the way they are.
Mel talked about some of the stuff that went on to try and stop this merger and it has to frustrate a lot of people. Howard said it appears that a lot of people are on the take and they're being paid for their votes. Mel said that there are congressmen and senators who want to get reelected and they have to do things to make sure they're going to have that support. He said that most of the time these people are in office they spend fund raising.
Howard said that their enemy, the NAB, goes out and worked all of these people to try and stop the merger from happening. Robin said that it's very similar to what the FCC was doing when they'd take one letter and file indecency charges against the show.
Mel said that he was hoping to get the 5-0 vote from the FCC but the 3-2 vote was good enough for him. He said that they were talking about making them put in a competitor's radio and they'd have to pay for putting in that competitor's radio. He said he tried to figure out how that made sense. Mel said that he asked why they weren't making the competitors pout in their radios and he got silence. Then they were asked about giving 25 percent of their spectrum to terrestrial radio. Mel said that Clear channel wasn't giving up any stations so there was no reason that they should have to do something like that. Mel said that would have been a deal breaker for him.
Mel said that this was the hardest thing he's ever had to go through making this merger happen. He said that the only other thing at may have been harder was a meeting with Sumner Redstone over at Viacom.
Mel told Howard about what the Department of Justice had to do to come up with their decision on whether or not they should approve this whole thing. He said that they had to look into whether or not this was going to be a monopoly or not. One of the things they would have to look at is whether or not someone like Howard Stern would have a place to go to if he wanted to leave satellite. Of course there are radio stations he could go to. Howard said he would never go back to terrestrial radio no matter what.
Artie asked Mel if he would have been crowing to the NAB that they couldn't come out against the merger if he was still in terrestrial radio. Mel said that local broadcasters have accepted that there is cable TV. He said that they have a role in the business and cable does too. Mel said that the NAB should have come to him and asked if they could do something like not do local advertising. Mel said that the radio industry might embrace them if they did something like that for them. Mel said that they might not be dead in the water if they worked together like that. Mel said that most of the advertising is local advertising anyway so they'd still be fine.
Mel said that what he wanted was for the government to shut down some of these terrestrial radio stations. Robin said that Mel has been in the news about the Janet Jackson case as well. Mel said that he's had a lot of congressional meetings and that was one of the toughest.
Gary asked Mel whose idea it was to do the merger. Mel said that it was pretty much his idea. He said that he thought about merging the two even way back when he was still working in terrestrial radio at Viacom. He said it was before Howard even signed on to go there. He said they asked him to join the company way back then to make the merger happen.
Mel said that he went after XM early on but they didn't want to do it. Once Howard got there they were able to make that happen. They've already made the company into what it is today bringing it from 600,000 subscribers to over 18 million. He said that they had revenue in the millions and now they're up to $2.2 billion.
Howard told Mel he should be proud of himself for what he accomplished. Mel said there's a whole team of people who made it happen and he had to congratulate them too.
Dominic Barbara called in and said that he thinks that satellite scares the government just like the internet does. Mel said that he had one offer to make the merger happen if they agreed to comply with the same rules that they have on terrestrial radio. Mel said that was another deal breaker but he doesn't think that they're doing anything indecent. Mel said that they have to let adults have something to listen to if they want and they can't just make everything kid safe. Artie said that they're not murdering people there, they're just doing adult entertainment like HBO is doing.
Howard asked Mel what is going to happen to Cousin Brucie. Mel said that more people will be able to hear his show and he's thinking that XM subscribers might want to hear him. Mel said that he hasn't spoken to Oprah yet but he's looking forward to talking to her about this. Howard asked if he thinks that Oprah is going to want to talk to him. There are people wondering when that press conference is going to happen. Howard said he would volunteer to do that.
Dominic asked Mel if he's going to have to give Howard the entire county of Staten Island to keep him there. Mel said the negotiation is ''What are you crazy? We have a monopoly!'' Mel said that he will put this offer on the table and give Howard what they gave him in 1985. Howard thanked him for that.
Howard said that he remembers a meeting where he told Mel to treat him like he would treat his own son. He said Mel gave him a look like he was insane. He said that the psychiatrist told him that he was out of his mind. Mel said that his son asks him to treat him like he treats Howard and give him that kind of crazy money.
Howard said that this was a great day today. Robin asked if they will always have two sets of programming with the two companies. Mel said that they might change things around and morph the two services and give the best of both worlds to all of the subscribers. He said that they're going to continue to keep the two companies for 10-12 more years so they can keep those radios out there working. He said that in 2015 or 2018 they'll be able to launch new satellites that will get to both radios but that's a long way off. He said that the easy part is over, now the hard part is coming.
Howard asked what Riley Martin is going to be doing now. Mel said that he was thinking about how this would effect Riley. Howard said that Riley was upset that Mel didn't mention him at the press conference and he was serious about that.
Mariann from Brooklyn called in and asked Mel who he's going to be voting for. Mel said that he has been thinking about that and he was hoping that he would see some differences between the two candidates. He said that he's not clear on that yet. He said that he knows McCain fairly well and he is a fan of his. He said he has not met Obama yet and things are still up for grabs. He said that he may wait until he closes that curtain before he actually decides.
Howard said that he's thinking that he has to vote republican because they were the ones who made the merger happen. Mel said that is right so he has to consider that. Mariann was going on about her radio show and told Mel she did that for free. Mel said that they need more people like her to do the shows for free.
Ralph called in and said that Mel is in another world because he's waiting to talk to the candidates before he decides on voting. Ralph also said that he has a friend who went to buy a Hummer and a BMW. He said that the XM came in the car and the BMW didn't have it standard. Mel said that he raised a good point and they have a lot more work to do to make things execute perfectly.
Mel said that when you go to a Best Buy and ask who has Howard Stern, they get it wrong more than you'd think. He said they still have to do a lot to make people aware of what's available.
Robin said that she bought a car the other day and they didn't put satellite in for her. Mel said that he bought a car with one in it and it was very frustrating to go through the process. He just wanted to see what it was like and the dealers aren't used to this one item and he knows that it's something they have to work on.
Ralph said that it's very frustrating to buy radios too and he wants to be able to buy something that has everything in one box. Mel said that he will work on that in his basement now that the merger has gone through.
Howard said that what he wants to do is convince Gina Lynn to date the car dealer that sells the most radios, wouldn't that work? Mel said that it would probably work but he can't be involved in that. Howard said he's taken up enough of Mel's time and he has to let him get back to work.
Mel told Howard that without him this merger probably wouldn't have happened. He said that Howard will go down in history as one of the greats and he'd be happy just being a footnote to Howard. Howard said that Mel is a great man and he thinks that he will go down in history as one of the greats too.
Howard said that Mel was the one guy who believed in him and helped him make it big. He said he talks extensively in the History of Howard Stern Part 2 that will air later this year. Mel said that he talks about Howard in that special too and talks about how Howard and Don wanted to go to more markets than he wanted him to go to. He said that Howard and Don convinced him to do something that he didn't want to do.
Howard said that he has an enemy now, terrestrial radio, and he's challenging them to make their product better. He said that they're going to have to figure out how to beat them and he's very fired up about that.
Mel said that the untold story is the impact that Howard had on making this whole thing happen. Howard said that he can't believe that he's not in the radio hall of fame. Some reverend was put in before him. He said that he doesn't care about the radio hall of fame but it's ridiculous that they don't just put him in.
Mel said that there is no one else as impactful on the radio business as Howard Stern. He said that he hopes that Howard is committed to staying with the company because there are people who have lifetime subscriptions and want to keep him there.
Howard said that shithead Imus could never bring any subscribers to satellite. Mel seemed to ignore that comment and told Howard that he will be in the radio hall of fame some day. Howard said he's going to erect a statue of Mel in the studio. He thanked him for coming in and told him that he's a winner. He asked Mel if he's going to celebrate. Mel said that he's very busy today and he won't be able to celebrate.
Mel said that they are going to continue to operate XM from Washington DC and he will be going down there to talk to the employees to find out how they can integrate the two companies. He said he may celebrate on Saturday with a glass or more of champagne. Howard had to go to break after that.
Howard said that he was kind of disappointed in Dave Grohl for playing the Who song that he performed recently. He said he can forgive him though because he is such a great artist. Robin wondered why they hadn't seen Dave in there in a long time. Howard said he must be busy. Howard said he just loves that song ''My Hero'' as it was still playing.
Howard played a clip of Riley Martin talking about the merger and how he was upset that Mel didn't mention him in the press conference. Riley said that he told them that he was going to do what he could to make the merger happen and they didn't give him any credit for that. He claimed that he strong armed people to make the merger to go through. Riley rambled on and on about that and then Howard said that he must be insane.
Howard played another clip of Riley talking about the merger and how happy he was that it went through. Riley said that when his contract is up in November, maybe he and Eron will be brought out of the doldrums of abject destitution.
Howard cut that one off and said that he sees the merger with Riley getting paid less money. He said they still have a long way to go before they can start shelling out money to people. they have a lot of debt to go through before they can start paying people. Riley might be one of the nuts that gets cut from the company. He said he hopes that they don't cut him and do pay him more but he's not sure that will happen.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Howard, Artie and Mel will go out and get some hookers or something. Howard said that he and Mel don't get together all that often and he thinks that Mel appreciates that. He said that Mel once looked at him like he was insane when he asked him to go out to lunch with him one time. Robin said that she goes out with Mel pretty often and she's flattered by that.
Howard said that he and Mel had an office right next to one another at K-Rock and he was hanging out with him every day. He said that he stopped doing that after a while though. The caller said that Mel was funny and he should have his own show there. Howard said he owns the company so he can give himself his own show if he wants.
The caller asked Robin if she masturbates when she thinks about Gregg from Howard TV. Robin said that she never does that and she would tell them if she did. Robin said that she has never done it. She said that she was involved with someone else at the time so she would never go there.
Howard asked Robin if she's ever been interested in someone at work. Robin said she hasn't but Howard didn't believe her. She did have a sex dream about Jackie one time. Robin said that was just a dream and she had no feelings for him. If she did she said that she'd have her brain removed.
Robin asked Howard if Beth did anything special for him now that he's this big merger man. Howard said that she didn't.
Howard said hello to Matt first. He was the one who created the ''Carmina Booey'' song. Matt works in the music business as an engineer and producer. Matt said that it was all about song choice for him and he only entered the one song. Matt said he's single and he does alright with the ladies. Artie told him that he was going to roll with him tonight if he wins this contest. Howard played the song and everyone seemed to like that one. Matt said that he was the only singer on the song but he multiplied up his voice 16 times. Howard asked Matt if he thought about making a video for that song. Matt said he'd be up for that. Howard said that he could see gladiator Booeys fighting during that song.
Howard asked Matt what he's going to do with the money if he wins. Matt said that he will keep it for himself if he wins. He was thinking of giving it to Jason to help him out with his wedding but he thought better of it.
Howard spoke to Yoros next. He found out he's Greek and came to the States to go to school. He talked about working in foreign relations but didn't get any deeper than that. Yoros created ''Baba Blues Brothers'' and said it took him like 2 minutes to come up with it. Howard said that some of the greatest songs out there didn't take long to create. Howard played the song and the guys were all laughing at that one too. Howard said that was a nice job.
Howard said that he pictures Fred hitting that song when Gary screws something up in the studio. Howard found out that Yoros had a girlfriend and said that most people who create these songs don't have girlfriends. Howard spent a little more time with Yoros and asked if he finds that Greek girls are into anal. He said that about 90 percent of them are. That led to Howard having the guys bring in his girlfriend. He spoke to her a little bit and asked her if she was into anal. She didn't answer so Howard took that as a yes.
Howard moved on to the next contestant, Josh, who created ''Law and Booey.'' It was a Booey song to the tune of ''Law and Order'' theme song. He works in the business and does some engineering. Howard played the wrong song so they had to correct him on that. Howard played that one and asked why he picked that song. Josh said that no one had done that one yet so he figured that would be a good one.
Howard introduced Ham Hands Bill Soto next. Bill won a Robin song parody contest many years ago. He's in a wheel chair and it was because of a car accident. Bill said that it was his fault but it was raining out at the time. Bill said that he's doing pretty good but he hasn't gotten laid in about 7 months or so. Bill said that he wanted to bring someone in with him to wear a bikini but he wasn't able to find anyone.
Howard asked Bill about the cast he had on his foot. Bill said that his foot is very sensitive and he has to keep it covered. It wasn't really a cast. Howard said that he looks like a Crippled Ali G with the clothes he was wearing.
Bill said that he wanted to do the song live if Howard wanted to hear it. He said he spent some time memorizing the song. Howard said that he'd like to hear it live but he didn't have a track there to play along with him. Bill actually brought a track with him so he gave that to Howard to play. Bill went into the song as the music played in the background. It was very similar to the song that he won the Robin song parody contest with but he changed the lines to include Gary and his father. Artie was laughing his ass off at him.
Bill forgot a couple of the lines but he did okay. Gary asked Bill how he came up with the idea of the music stopping half way through the song. Robin said that he sang his version of ''Take Me Out to the Ball Game'' half way through.
Howard asked Bill what he's going to do with the money if he wins. Bill said that he made some stupid bets and lost his savings of $4,200 so he needs to make up for that. Bill said he bet on Roger Federer in tennis and a UFC fight and lost in both. Bill said he won with the Celtics but he lost all of the money anyway.
Bill said that it took him about 5 years to save that money and he blew it all on those bets. Howard asked him why he would do that. Bill said that the thought that he was going to be able to double it. He said he had $100 saved up and bet on a boxing match and lost that last weekend.
Bill was talking about some of the stuff in the song but Gary said that he'd heard enough. It was all made up stuff and there was nothing true in that song.
Howard said that this was going to be a tough decision. He had one more from this guy Brian. Brian is from the Detroit area. He wrote ''Angry Young Booey'' with a friend of his. Howard said that it must have taken a long time to make this one. Brian said it took about 3 days. Howard read that Brian suffers from a disease called Peyronies disease. That means that he has a crooked cock that goes down and to the left. He said it's tough to have sex with that.
Brian said that it can because by a trauma down there but he didn't have anything like that. He said that the doctors aren't sure what caused it. He said that he's been putting a special cream on his penis to try and cure it. He's only had sex 3 times in his life because of that. He's 30 years old. He said that the one girl he was with was a black chick and he had to prepare her for what she was going to see.
Howard asked Brian if he was afraid to be with girls because of the penis thing. He said that he is very self conscious so that's why he didn't do more. He said that the girl he had sex with he actually told through e-mail. Brian said that some positions were very difficult. He said that he has to push the girl's leg really far back to make it work. He said that she ended up moving out of state so he didn't get to stay with her.
Brian said that he almost had sex with a girl he was dating a few months ago but the girl's ex-boyfriend ended up getting the e-mail because he had her password. Howard told Brian that he needs to find a virgin who doesn't know what a penis looks like. Robin said that he seems to be a nice guy and he's good looking so he should be able to find a girl.
Bill said that he should just jack it off the other direction and it should bend in the other way. Brian said that his penis functions just fine and he can masturbate. He said that even his parents didn't know about it until this morning as they were probably listening to the show. Howard wondered how a cream can work to straighten a penis. Brian wasn't sure but he said it was a calcium blocking cream.
Howard played Brian's song which he said was actually the Booey Joel song and not the Angry Young Booey song that Howard said it was. Brian said that he combined two songs so that's why he was calling it that. The guys were all laughing at that song. Artie said that was really good. The song kept going even after Howard thought it was ending. Brian said that he was the singer on the song.
Howard said that they had to vote now. He took a call from Mark from Jersey City who said that the Carmina Booey was his favorite. He said it was just fantastic. Howard took another call from a guy who said that he will give Ham Hands Bill 5 grand if Howard doesn't. He said that he liked that one. Howard said that he wishes he didn't have to vote because he hates doing that.
Ralph called in and said that the clear winner for him was the Blues Brothers parody. He said that one sticks in his head. He said he can picture Sal jumping up and down behind Gary when he screws something up. Another caller said she thinks that the Carmina Booey is the best one for when Gary screws something up.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that he would have to go with the Ham Hands Bill song, Grab My Cock At The Ball Park.'' Another caller said that Brian's Booey Joel song took a lot of work. Another caller said she liked that one as well. Gary said that he hasn't seen Howard smile so much in a long time. Howard said he likes them all.
Howard said that the Beck's Beer people were there to present the check. Gary said that one of them was very offended by the Ham Hands Bill song. Howard asked which one of the people that was and no one was fessing up to being offended. Howard asked the women if they would ever date a guy in a wheel chair. Bill was sweet talking the girls and saying that he would demonstrate some of the stuff from the song if they wanted.
Bill said that he can still get it up and he's six inches. He said that he can even stand up. He said you can see him on HamHandsBill.com standing up and doing some other stuff.
Howard said that he had to get in the votes for the parodies but he took some more calls. A couple of guys said that they liked Carmina Booey the best. Another guy liked that one and the Billy Joel song. One guy said he liked Law and Booey. Howard said they were all good.
Howard said they were going to do open voting even though Robin wanted to do it closed. Howard asked Robin who she was going to vote for. Robin said she's torn between Carmina Booey and Booey Joel. She voted for Booey Joel.
Howard went to Baba Booey himself. Gary said that he liked Carmina Booey and the Booey Joel but he had to go with Carmina Booey. Next up was Fred who said that Bill would win if it was a documentary. He said that the song needed editing. He put that in 5th place. Fred said number 4 was Law and Order Booey and number 3 was Blues Booey. He said that Angry Young Booey and Carmina Booey were the two best and he was going to give Carmina Booey his vote.
Howard said that the author of the song is looking kind of shocked. Matt said that he was kind of shocked. Howard said that he's going to go to Benjy next even though he doesn't usually let him vote. Benjy voted for the Booey Joel song. Artie was up next and said he had to agree with Benjy on that. He said they had a lot of recent references in the song and it was a clear winner to him.
Howard said that Booey Joel had 3 votes and Carmina Joel had 2. He said that he agrees with Fred about the Ham Hands Bill song. He had a killer opening and a killer middle but it fell apart at the end. He said he just missed with that one. He said that the other songs were very good but just didn't quite do it for him. He said he really liked Blues Brothers Booey and he knows that they'll use that one more. He said that he was going to have to vote for Carmina Booey because he can see that one becoming a classic over time. He said that Booey Joel was the best produced but he had to vote for Carmina Booey.
Robin said that she thinks that the Carmina Booey will be used more than the Booey Joel even though Booey Joel made her laugh more.
Howard asked everyone for their tie breaking votes since they were deadlocked between the two. Artie said he had a tie breaker idea and said that anyone who could read his plugs the fastest would win. Gary said that maybe they could have the 3 non-winners vote this time. Howard said that they could do that.
He said that it was down to Brian and Matt and he was going to ask the other 3 to vote. He went to Yoros first and asked him for his vote. Yoros said that he liked Carmina the best. Howard went to the next guy, Josh, who gave Carmina Booey another vote which meant that he was a winner. Ham Hands Bill asked to hear them again so Howard played a quick clip of each. bill said that he would vote for the Carmina Booey song.
Gary said that they had a $1,000 runner-up prize for Brian. Matt ended up getting the $5,000 prize from the Beck's people. Matt said that he felt wonderful and it was great to be there.
Gary said that they have a party going on tonight to celebrate the contest. All of the contestants will be there at the Reservoir Tavern and the Beck's girls will be there too. Howard asked the girls if they were going to give Bill their numbers. They said no to that. They wrapped up a short time later and went to break. Howard played the winning song as they went out.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Fred got a mention on Nightline last night. Howard said he's glad he brought that up because he had the clip. He played the clip where they were interviewing some people about the earthquakes out in California. The guy said that his friend Fred Norris was running behind him during the quake. Fred said that guy sounds like a guy who calls in frequently. Howard said that everyone likes to hear Fred's name on the air. Fred told people to work his name into more news stories.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he has DirecTV and they have XM on there. He wondered if Howard TV will be on DirecTV. Howard said that they are only on cable because they have the technology there and not on satellite. Howard said that Howard TV is an On Demand service and you have a menu to choose from. The caller didn't seem to get it so Howard just gave up trying to explain it.
Howard said that they have the Wack Pack Bowling coming up soon. Doug Goodstein said that's starting on August 12th. Howard ended up goofing on Doug about the way he mumbles and how he does that because he doesn't like moving that moustache of his. Howard asked Doug what the Z in his name stands for. Doug mumbled something and then said that it was Zachary.
Siobhan called in and said that she's part of the Wack Pack Bowling and they're airing it in 4 segments over the month of August. She said it was incredible and amazing and they have a real cliff hanger of an ending. Howard asked if it was true she rubbed her vagina on a ball. She said that was true and she did that to keep people from winning. They had a clip of that playing in the studio. Artie sounded grossed out by it.
Howard said that Siobhan looks like a dude with all of the muscles and stuff. Robin said she doesn't even act like a woman. Howard asked her if she's been fucked yet. Siobhan said that she hasn't. Robin said that Siobhan has been fucked all her life. Artie said that a couple of doctors fucked her over too.
Siobhan said that she has some of her art hanging up through September at an art gallery there in the city. She said that this movie ''Idiocracy'' used one of her songs and never credited her for it. She said that she just saw it last night and they used her song Buzz Saw in there. Howard cut her off and thanked her for the call. He said that he can't imagine they used her song in that movie.
Steve came in and said that they're working on more about Fred and his Ikea story. Steve said that they have more from the guy who saw Fred in the parking lot and that Fred wasn't happy with them breaking the story live on the show yesterday. Steve also found out that Fred's wife may have stepped in and said that she wanted to handle her husband.
Howard picked up Eric the Midget who was waiting on hold. Eric said that Steve is messing up stories about him and now about other people. Fred said that he may have to join Eric's camp and join the ''fire Steve Langford'' group. Eric said that's cool that Fred is joking him.
Howard asked Eric if he believes that people will believe him about his booger picking. Eric said he hopes so. Fred told people to go to SteveLangfordsWrong.com to find out more about how wrong he is. Fred also said that you can take the man out of Hard Copy but you can't take the Hard Copy out of the man. Steve wanted Fred to give some examples of what he had done there that was so wrong. Fred didn't have any examples but he said that they were a sleazy tabloid show.
Eric got in some plugs for his JFSC.tv shows that he's doing tonight. He said that he wanted to give a shout out to some of his regulars like Mark from MarksFriggin.com but Howard cut him off and said he didn't know what he was talking about. (Eric wanted to wish me a Happy Birthday. Thanks for trying Eric!)
Steve said that they're working on a story about Johnny Fratto's upcoming photo shoot. Johnny is also hoping that Eric isn't picking his boogers and eating them because he doesn't want that on the JFSC.
Howard heard that Steve doesn't like PC Richard, an electronics store. Steve said that he doesn't like them but he doesn't want to talk about them if they are possibly a sponsor. Steve said he'd love to talk about them if they're not a sponsor.
Steve had a little more news to promote and then ran out as Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. Jon ran down his list of topics for today's show.
Robin started off with a story about a robot that is capable of showing human emotions. Howard told Robin that they have a huge problem with their computer system and there will be no news clips to play today. Robin gave hi man ''Oh dear'' when she heard that.
Robin read a story about Hulk Hogan and his wife's split. That led to them talking about Brooke Hogan's new show ''Brooke Knows Best'' that Howard has been watching. Howard said that he cares about that girl for some reason and he's not sure why. He said that Hulk is going to be on the show tomorrow actually. They spent a few minutes talking about Brooke and Howard said that he's thinking that he might be banging her if he wasn't with Beth. He said that she's young but she is on TV so that makes you mature faster. He said ''just look at Corey Haim.''
That led to Artie asking him if he watched any of that ''The Two Coreys'' show. Howard said he did see some of that and it was good. He said he saw Corey Feldman's wife posing for Playboy and heard that she didn't get paid a cent to do it.
Robin read a story about a morgue worker who had sex with a dead woman. Robin said that they're looking into the guy to find out if he was doing it to other people. They spent a few minutes talking about how creepy that is.
A caller asked Howard if he thinks it's possible that hulk and his wife are divorcing to protect their assets just in case they are sued over their son's car accident case. Howard said he'll ask Hulk tomorrow about that.
Howard had another guy who said that Mel Karmazin is number 3 on the Google trends this morning. The caller said that he was number one until a few minutes ago.
Robin read a story about Kelsey Grammer who went to the hospital again recently. Howard said he looked healthy when he saw him recently and he couldn't imagine he was sick. Howard was saying that if he had a heart attack, he might give up having sex. He said that it would freak him out that much that he might have to stop having sex. He said he'd continue to masturbate though because he can keep that pretty calm. While they were talking about that Howard was saying that he's usually the one who initiates sex. Robin said she knew a couple that would light a candle when they wanted to have sex. Howard said he thinks his parents had a sex candle. He said he wasn't kidding either. He said he thinks that they used it for soft lighting while they would mate. He said he vomits whenever he sees a candle lit because of that.
Howard said that his agent was sitting in and watching this morning. Don tried to say something on the microphone in the studio and it still wasn't working. Gary said that Scott was supposed to have fixed it during the break.
Don said that he was getting jealous of Mel getting so much time on the air this morning. Don was in with movie producer Dan Gross. Dan said that he has produced movies like the last couple of Halloween, Highlander and some Hallmark films. He said he's looking to do something a little edgier though. Howard said that Dan is working on the Porky's movie with him and they hope to have it out by 2050.
Howard asked Don if he had anything to say. Don said that they're looking forward to Porky's and with two Jewish kids and pork, it should be good.
Howard said that they finally got a copy of a script that they really like and they're moving along with it. He had to take a break around 10:10am.
Howard called Scott in there and Evan ran out. Howard asked where Evan was going. Gary said he was going to get a mic to fix the problem. Howard asked Scott to come in but he wasn't coming. Ronnie said that he was busy writing something for him. Howard said that maybe he was writing a resignation letter.
Will said that Scott told him to get the fuck out of his office when he told him to go in and fix the mic. Scott eventually came in and said that he couldn't fix the mic during that segment. He said that he did tell Will that he couldn't do it at that time and he'd check it later. He checked it during the break and tried un plugging it and plugging it in and it didn't work.
Scott admitted he was wrong but said that he can't listen to the mic during the show. Howard had Evan try to fix it with the new mic. Evan tested it and it worked. Scott said that he wouldn't have known if it was going to work during the break though. Gary said he could have tried it at least. Howard told Gary to build a dunce cap and give it to Scott.
Fred played Richard's ''Scott's Fuckin' Up Again'' song parody during that. JD came in and said that Scott had ripped up his dunce cap that they made for him. Artie called JD's name out but he was already out of the studio. He wanted to ask him to get him some peanut M&Ms.
Howard played a prank call that Richard made using Scott the Engineer yelling clips. He had to finish up his commercials after that.
After the break Howard said that Dan and Don got up and walked out after the Scott thing. He said that there really wasn't much to talk about though. They've been working on Porky's for a long time now. He said that Private Parts took 4 years to make.
Robin read a story about the earthquakes in California and how they're still expecting a really big one in the next decade. That led to Howard replaying the clip from the Playboy channel that he played earlier this morning. Artie said that he didn't know what that show was about but it sure sounded dull to him. That earthquake saved the show.
Robin had some other clips from a Judge Judy taping when the earthquake hit. The whole room went nuts and Judge Judy tried to get them to take a seat. Howard said he would have been out of there if that happened to him. Dan the Song Parody Man came in and said that he missed that one. Artie said that he wasn't too close to the epicenter when he went through that one.
Robin said that Jerry Lewis was caught packing heat at an airport. Howard said that he's probably being chased down by the people who are pissed they haven't found a cure for muscular dystrophy yet. Artie said that guy has been alive too long and he's just lost it. He did a little bit of an impression of him .
Robin said that the lottery winning door man, Richie Randazzo, they had in there has lost his job. Artie said that guy calls him every night. He said he loves that guy and he's dating some hot chick. Howard said he read that the chick was just arrested for being the house mother at a brothel. He said that was probably bullshit anyway. Robin wondered why he would need a job anyway.
Robin read a story about a woman who died on a flight, in the bathroom. Howard said that would be a really embarrassing way to go.
Robin read a story about Los Angeles trying to ban fast foods in certain areas. Howard said that you just can't ban things like that. He said that the government can't be closing down restaurants. He said that people have to use their heads and not go to these places. Howard said he's no fan of these places like McDonalds but they should be allowed to go wherever they want.
Robin had some news about a sequel to The Mummy that's coming out this weekend. She had some audio clips for Howard to play. She went through that and some other movie stuff. She had some news about Kevin Federline talking about how his job is staying home and taking care of the kids these days. She wrapped up after that, Howard ended the show around 11:00am.
Benjy was saying that the Carmina Booey song was great but it was kind of familiar to him so he voted for the Booey Joel song instead. He said he agrees the one that won will probably get played more on the show than the Joel song.
Gary said he thinks that Fred was right about the Carmina song being played more on the show and out lasting the other songs. He said that the Law and Booey song didn't get any votes but it was a great one. Gary said that the show is on the air all the time and you hear the theme song quite often. Gary said that he flies on Jet Blue and he'll watch a marathon of that show and hear the theme song 6 times during the flight.
Gary said that he liked the song parodies. He said that he didn't vote for Ham Hands Bill's song at all. He said that he couldn't applaud the subject matter of the song since it was all made up. He gets the rest of the song parodies and what they were about.
Gary said that the Robin song that Bill created made you laugh from beginning to end. This new one wasn't quite there. It sounded a lot like a hit song that was made to sound very similar.
Ralph said that he liked that Blues Brothers song parody and he still thinks that it will be played more than any of the others. Gary said it was very good but there were better ones there. Jon pointed out that he did make it into the final 5.
Gary said he thinks that the Angry Young Booey song will be used but they'll probably only play the beginning of it. Ralph said they were good but that Blues Brothers song was the best of the bunch in his opinion. He said that it can be used in a lot of different ways. Gary told Ralph that this is an opinion and everyone has their own. Ralph said he had to disagree with that.
A woman called in and gave them the best pronunciation of Carmina Booey because they were all saying it differently. She said that it's very well known for being used in The Omen. Jon kept trying to say something but the woman kept talking over him.
Another caller said that he liked the Blues Brother song but he thought that the Billy Joel parody should have won. Gary said that everyone has their opinion on that but they voted for the Carmina Booey song. Jon took another call from a guy who asked if the criteria was that the song had to fit into a part of the show. Gary said that there were no rules like that, it was just a Baba Booey song. He said that they'd know the winner when they heard it. The caller said that he thought they were voting based on how the song would be used on the show. Gary said that was just the way someone felt about why they picked a certain song.
The caller said that he was basing it on which song he liked the best himself. Gary said he did the same thing.
Ralph called back in to tell the guys where he was in such a rush to go to. He had to go to the gym first and then he was going to go shopping at Macy's, Bloomingdales and H&M. Jon was going to let him go but Gary told him that he was going to be at the Reservoir Tavern tonight celebrating with the song parody contest contestants.
Jon and Gary talked about some of the contestants and how interesting some of the guys were. Gary said that he can't believe that a guy with $5,000 in the bank blew money betting on a tennis game. They spent a short time on that subject.
Another caller said he liked the Blues Brother Booey song the best himself. He also brought up Jesse Ventura and how disheartening it was to hear him singing those stupid little songs of his. He said that he's a marine himself and he can't believe that he was bad mouthing the marines in his song. Gary asked if it was just good natured ribbing or was it worse than that. Jon said that it was just good natured but Jesse was saying that the Marines can't hold a candle to what the Navy Seals do.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that the Baba Joel song parody was great and he thought that was the best but the winner was good too. Another caller asked Gary if there were any lyrics that really pissed him off. Gary said that all of them in Ham Hands Bill's song pissed him off. He said he loved his father and he just passed away not too long ago. He said he gets the joke of the song but the lines were pretty brutal.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he sent in a song parody. He said that when he heard the top 30 he figured that he was definitely going to be in. He said that when he heard that Ham Hands was in he really couldn't believe it. He said that if Ham Hands had won he was going to drive his truck into a tree. The caller said that he thought the winner deserved to win it though.
The caller said that he wasn't sure how far he could have gotten in the contest because they were a whole band. Gary said that they don't judge based on that kind of criteria though. He said that they don't care how many people performed the song. Gary said that some people think that they were ignored or didn't get their songs listened to just because they didn't make it into the finals. They had hundreds of songs to go through though.
Jon asked Gary if he's ever scared that Scott will snap out there in the halls. Gary asked Jon if he sees what Scott is up to and how he snaps when he gets worked up. Jon said that he has seen him snap but he also gets a bum rap sometimes. Jon said that he wonders what's going to light Scott's fuse sometimes. He said that it's great for the show when he does light up like that.
Gary said that Scott has probably fought with more people on the show than anyone else. Jon said that Sal is probably right up there too.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Fred always wants to get into fights with people who bring stuff up about him. Fred said that's not true and he's not looking for fights. Fred said that he's just being himself and if he doesn't like it than there's not much he can do about it.
Gary said that he and Fred don't get into it too much but he thinks that Fred takes stuff more to heart than others do. Fred said that he does and he has to admit that. Gary said that Stuttering John was really paranoid about Fred and he would think that Fred was going after him if he did the littlest things wrong. He would think that Fred was after him just from the way Fred looked at him or passed him in the hall.
Jon said that for Fred to side with Eric the Midget, he must be really pissed off. Fred said that he's not mad at Steve but he is a little disappointed in him. He said that he thinks Steve made a mistake by going ahead with that story yesterday without checking with him. Fred said Steve only presented half the story in that report. Fred said he thinks that Steve had already made his decision about him in that story and he has a problem with people not telling the truth.
Gary said that he thinks that Howard likes it when people get tweaked. Fred said that Howard has said that conflict is music to his ears and that's why he lets that stuff go on.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that they should look into Steve's ''Mud'' nickname more and maybe hire a private investigator to dig up some stuff. Benjy said that he thinks that it's weird that Langford doesn't want to talk about his big penis that was brought up in a story. He said that's not embarrassing and he's not sure why he would want to deny that.
Another caller said that he knows how Steve got that ''Mud'' nickname and said that he was into anal big time and he was always giving it. The caller was also saying that the parking lot that Fred was at is known to be a bad parking lot. Fred said that he's heard the same thing. Jon said that they don't know that the story is true about the Mud nickname. Fred asked if anyone believed that's how he got that name. Only one person raised their hand. Jon had to go to break after that.
The guys talked about how Steve will kind of sensationalize some of his reports. Gary said that he was hearing a lot of stuff in Steve's reports and it was sounding like there were some mistakes made in the Kallenbach case.
Fred said that he tends to believe the National Enquirer more than he would believe someone like TMZ. He said that sometimes they just go way too far with the stuff they say. Gary said that they tend to make their opinions fact on that show.
Fred had this guy Chris come in to give his side of the story. Chris was there when Fred went off on the guy in the parking lot and said that the guy just stood there looking at Fred when he asked him to move his truck. Fred said that's all he wanted to know. Fred said he's done with this whole thing because he thinks it makes him look childish to keep going with that whole story.
Benjy asked Gary about how Steve put the kibosh on that story about his big penis. Gary said that Steve came to him and asked him to just not cover the story after they said they got a call from a former girlfriend of his.
Gary said that Mel has done a lot of great things and this merger is the latest thing. Fred talked about the old days when Howard was able to make things happen. They spent a short time talking about how high profile Howard has been and how Mel has kept them all going over the years. He always had their back when they had shit going on with the show.
Fred said that some people will just push them out the back door if they have any controversy going on. Mel wasn't like that and stood behind them. Fred said that Randy Baungarten had their back too when they were over at NBC. Fred said that everyone was feeling the pressure and Howard really held it all together.
Gary said that Mel had their backs and he really could have gotten rid of them. IF he had done that, Howard would have had a tough time getting a job. He said that it would have made Howard's life much harder if Mel hadn't stuck behind him.
Jon pointed out that Fred didn't hold back on the Hard Copy card today. Fred said that he gets a lot of information from a lot of people who seem to dislike Steve for various reasons. Jon had to wrap up the show a short time later. They all got in their plugs and ended the show a short time later.
Howard started off the show talking about how he ruined radio for DJs. He was doing an impression of a guy saying ''Hello Love'' and talking about how they used to just have to come in and play records before going home.
Howard said that today is day 4 of Robin's break up. Howard said she probably doesn't even know that they were keeping track of that. He asked her if she got her new hair cut because of the break up. Robin said that she didn't do it because of that, her hair dresser just tried something new and she liked it.
Howard talked about Robin's hair which was tied in a tight knot and asked if she leaves it like that when she washes her hair. She said that she doesn't have oily hair like white people do so they don't have to wash it as often. Howard wondered if she smells funny because she doesn't wash her hair every day. She said he can see it and it's not dirty.
Howard said that when you run you get oil and sweat on your head. Robin said that she doesn't have the same kind of oils and stuff in their skin and hair like white people do. Howard asked her about her scalp and said that she has to have the same kind of stuff going on up there as white people. Robin said that there are white people out there who don't wash their hair every day. Howard told her that Ralph does wash his hair, he just makes it look dirty.
Howard said that you have to wash your hair every day, it's an important thing to do. He said he thinks that Robin does need to wash her hair and she's just one of those people who don't want to mess up their hair so she doesn't wash it. Robin said that her hair takes 3 days to dry if she washes it.
Howard asked Robin if she ever swims and puts her head under water. She said she does when she wants to. She was also saying that she's thinking of taking her hair down out of that tight bun today. Howard told her that he knows women who blow dry their hair and they do a magnificent job. He said his two daughters are like that. He knows of some women who don't know how to blow dry their hair and they will pay someone to do it for them. He thinks that Robin might be like that.
Howard asked Robin how long it had been since she washed her hair. She said Tuesday was when she got her hair done.
Artie said that he washes his hair in the morning and he just looks gross. Howard said that Artie's hair is very ''Bill Murray'' to him and he kind of likes it. Artie said that this hair gets stringy and gross if you don't wash it and with black people you can't tell.
Howard asked Robin if she ran yesterday. She said she ran two miles yesterday. She said she washed her face and showered after that. She didn't wash her hair though.
Andrea said that someone e-mailed her and told her that they were looking for a new Miss Howard Stern. She said that she thinks that it's a bad idea to get a new one. Howard said that he didn't know what was going on here. Will came in and said that she told him that she was going to quit. Andrea said that she's not quitting but she may have said that she would quit if he didn't put her on hold.
Andrea said that she thinks Gary doesn't like her. She said that Gary was saying that they should get a new Miss Howard Stern. Gary said that they were joking around on the Wrap Up Show one day and it was just a throw away line.
Gary said that it was just his opinion, not a fact. Howard said that he doesn't want a new Miss Howard Stern and he can't say that on the air.
Andrea said that she thinks that Gary dislikes her because of her last appearance when she was sober. Howard said that Gary is making statements that just aren't true. Andrea said that she doesn't want Gary not to like her.
Howard said that maybe they'll choose a new Gary when they go out to Vegas instead of picking a new Miss Howard Stern. Andrea said that she's been Miss Howard Stern for 8 years now and she's doing a great job. Artie told her that it hasn't been 8 years. It was actually 7 so they corrected her on that. Artie said he thinks that it's only been 6 years.
Howard told Andrea that they are not going to get rid of her and there is no reason to find a new Miss Howard Stern. He told her that Gary is saying things out of line and he shouldn't be doing that. He said that he may have to replace Gary as a producer if he keeps doing stuff like that.
Gary said that he wasn't saying that they definitely would look for a new Miss Howard Stern, he was just throwing an idea out there for their next Vegas trip.
Howard said that it's nice that she cares that much about her job. Andrea said that Miss Black Howard Stern is using her title as promotion for herself. Andrea said she doesn't do that herself.
Andrea asked if she could get a new sash the next time she comes in. She said it's kind of trashed. Howard said he wants to see that sash and told her that they'll do a trade the next time she comes in.
Howard let Andrea go after that and said that it seems that her title has become her whole identity. Howard said that they are not going to pick a new Miss Howard Stern. If they cut her loose at this time it won't be good for her. It could cause some major problems.
Fred played the Carmina Booey song parody that won the Baba Booey song parody contest yesterday. Howard let that play for a few seconds and did an impression of Gary talking about the Vegas thing with replacing Miss Howard Stern.
Robin said that song parody was great but she woke up singing the Booey Joel song parody. Fred played some of that too. Everyone was laughing while that was playing. Artie demanded a recount. Howard said that song is great and they keep the camera on Gary the whole time. He said he was pecking on his keyboard with two fingers and it was almost as if he were playing piano along with the song.
Artie said that there was a song about Cabbie that came out a while back and it was really well written like this one. He said that he voted for this Booey Joel song yesterday. Howard said that he was on the fence and today he might vote for that one. He said that it depends on the day. Robin said that song is really amazing even though the other song is a great one. She said that she laughs all the way through that Booey Joel song.
King of All Blacks said that Gary says some stuff on the Wrap Up Show that makes it seem like he's trying to be Howard. Howard said that he knows that Gary does go a little far and he may have to try and replace him over the next couple of years.
King was also saying that he agrees with Robin about black people's hair. He said that they are encouraged to wash their hair every two weeks or so. They have to put stuff in their hair to keep it oiled and stuff.
Howard said that when you run you have to clean your head. Howard asked why they bother washing their face if they don't wash their hair. King said that skin is different than hair. King said that white people go bald from washing their hair. Howard said there is no evidence of that.
Howard let King go and said that he had a few things to play this morning and then he had to start getting to guests.
A caller told Howard about this new game called chess boxing where two people play chess and then get into the ring and box. Howard said that sounds absurd. He said it sounds like a goof.
Robin asked Howard if he has his own homeless person. Howard said that he doesn't. Robin said that she's had this woman hitting her up for money for years and she manages to find her, even when she moves into a new area. She said she just moved into her new place and ran across this woman again and she's hitting her up for money again.
Howard took another call from a guy who said that he remembers someone telling Howard that he looked 34 years old even though he's 54. Howard said that he does look young in certain light. He said he tries to stay in shape by working out and stuff. The caller said that he thinks that Howard is a good looking guy and he's not gay. Fred played the ''He's a faaag'' clip from The Sopranos anyway.
Howard said that you have to live almost no life to stay looking young like him. He said that Artie would admit that he looks terrible but that's because he's out there having fun. Howard said that he has missed out on a lot. He doesn't travel at all and that's one way to keep yourself looking young. Robin said that she travels and she looks young.
Howard said that he's lucky he has his hair and he maintains a thin weight. That's very important. He said that he's marrying a 36 year old woman and they don't look that strange together. He said that maybe she does look too good to be with him but the age difference isn't all that crazy when you see them together. He said that this is the internal dialog that he has. Artie said that he finds the sight of Howard and Beth together to be very startling.
Howard said that when you fly you get a dose of radiation that's harmful to your looks. Artie said that he agrees with that. He hates flying for work and he'd rather take a drive to go on vacation. He said there are germs and stress to deal with when you fly too.
Howard said that the third worst of all time, not in any particular order, would be this character from Mars that he had seen. He said that they know that no one lives on Mars. Howard said that Dr. Strange is another one that was lame. He said that there will not be any Dr. Strange movie being made. Howard said that Ant Man and Aquaman weren't all that great either. Robin said that Atom was bad too.
Howard asked Artie how many hours he slept last night because he looked like he was about to pass out. Artie said that he was awake. Howard said he wasn't and he looked like he needed to lay down. Artie said that he needed to get some sugar in him to get through this super hero conversation.
Howard told Artie that Pam Anderson is coming in so he should nap now so he can be prepared for that. Artie said he thought that she was calling in. He said he can't nap now anyway because he's got too much sugar in him.
Wolfe said he had Thor, Dr. Strange, She Hulk, Plastic Man and Aquaman on his list. Howard said there are way worse than Aquaman. Fred threw in Elongated Man and Green Arrow. Howard said that Green Arrow was bad. He said that Green Lantern was pretty good and got better over the past few years.
Artie said he thinks that Norm MacDonald had a bit about Mr. Fantastic in his stand-up act. Howard said that he knows what that was about and explained the Fantastic Four and how lame the Mr. Fantastic was because he called himself Mr. Fantastic because he had this huge ego. He said that it had nothing to do with his super powers like the rest of the four did. Howard went to break a short time later.
Luther came in and Howard asked him about this new reality show he has. Luther said that his friends tell him that he's a walking reality show so he had to do it. Howard said that this show is more of a family type show. Luke said that it is but he does have some wild tapes from the 2 Live Crew days. He said that they haven't had a hit since he left the group.
Howard asked Luke why the band bad mouths him saying that he had nothing to do with their success but then claims that he just took the money. Luke said that they haven't had a hit since he left and he was the one doing all of the work back then. Luke said that he and Mr. Mix were the ones behind that group and you can tell now that they're not in the group.
Howard asked Luke about growing up and asked if he had to fight. Luke said that he did and he learned from his family. He said that he still gets along with his brothers and he still sees them.
Luther said that he just got married last week and he's 47 years old. Howard asked Luke if this was the first woman that he ever met that he wanted to marry. Luke said that he just wanted to be friends with the other chicks in his life and this one was very special. He said that he met her at Jerry's Deli on South Beach. He said that she's a black woman but he could have married a white chick if he wanted. He said that the black girls wouldn't have liked that if he had married a white girl.
Howard asked Luke how dark she is. He said that she's about the same as Robin. He said that she's quite petite too and not like the dancers that people would think he'd marry.
Howard asked Luke how often he washes his hair. Luke said that it's about twice a week. Howard told him about the conversation that he had with Robin earlier and Luke agreed with what Robin was saying, they do have dry hair. Luke said that his wife washes her's a few times a week too.
Howard asked Luke about banging 4 women at the same time. Luke said that Howard must know what that's like. Howard said he never has had anything like that. Howard asked Luke if he had intercourse with all of them. Luke said that he didn't with all of them. He said that they were all black girls and a couple of them were going down on each other while he did two of them.
Luther also asked Howard if he had been with an Asian woman. Howard hasn't been with one so Luke told him he has to come down and hang out with him. Howard read that Luke thinks that Asian woman just lay there in bed and it's about as good as having a blow up doll. Howard read that Luke doesn't use a condom but he's lucked out and hasn't gotten any diseases from that.
Howard gave Luke a plug for his new reality show called ''Luke's Parental Advisory.'' That led to Robin talking about how he's going to get his kids taken away from him the way he talks to them on the show. Howard said he saw that Luke's 14 year old son is dating a 15 year old girl who has a baby already. Luke said that she was fuckin' at 13 and he asked his son what he was doing with that girl and he eventually broke up with her.
Howard asked Luke where his kids are going to school. Luke said he has to send a check to their mother so she can send them to private school. He said that he has to pay $4,300 a month for the two kids. He said that he has four that he claims but technically he has 5.
Howard asked Luke how much the other two kids cost him. Luke said they're too old now and he doesn't have to pay but they did come at him looking for more money.
Luther said that the 5th kid he never knew. He said that he did pay child support but he didn't get to know her. He said that he was never good with women and that's why he didn't have very good relationships. He said that most of them were gold diggers who just wanted to have kids so they could get a pay check.
Luther said that he used to count the birth control pills that his girls were taking but that didn't work because they ended up getting pregnant anyway. He said that he learned 5 times that the women don't always take the pills the way they're supposed to.
Howard asked Luke if he ever asked the women to get an abortion. Luke said that he never thought about doing that, he doesn't believe in abortion. He said that he thinks about what would have happened if he had been aborted.
Howard asked Luke about how many women he's been with over the years. Luke said that he was very picky and he wasn't with just anyone. He said that he would check out a girl's car to see how dirty it was and he can judge a woman based on stuff like that. Howard said that he knows a guy who thinks he can judge how dirty a woman's pussy is just by looking at her. Luke said that he can do that too and he bases that on the dirty car or dirty house. He said he has been fooled before and he met a woman from New Orleans who had a clean car but a dirty pussy. Luke said that her shit smelled bad.
Luther said that once he was with her he told her to smell herself and taste it down there so she'd know how bad it was.
Howard asked Luke about famous chicks. Luke said he was with one who was on her period at the time and she didn't tell him that. He said that he woke up the next morning and wondered what the hell had happened there.
Howard said that he was with a woman once and did oral on her when she was on her period. He said he came out of there looking like the Joker. He said she didn't know that she had it coming on though.
Howard asked Luke about his buddy Jay-Z and why he won't talk about being married to Beyonce. Robin said that they're always out together and they never admit that they're married. Luke said he didn't know anything about that.
Howard asked Luke about his wife and how big her boobs are. Luke said that she's skinny but her boobs are bigger than Robin's. He claims that they're real too.
Howard gave Luke another plug for his reality show and then took some phone calls. It's starting on Monday night at 10 on VH-1.
A caller told Howard he thinks that Fred is out of his mind with this Steve Langford thing. He also said that Pam Anderson is washed up and he shouldn't have her in. Then the guy threw out a joke and asked what the difference is between a nig*er and a bucket of shit. Howard cut him off and said that was out of line. He told Luke that he was sorry that the guy had gotten through with that.
Howard asked Luke about who he's going to vote for in the upcoming election. Luke said that he's behind Obama. He talked about why he likes the guy and figured that he washes his hair just about every night.
Howard said that he's going to be watching Luke's new show to support it. Luke said that in the first episode his wife finds some porno under his son's bed. He said that he was hoping it wouldn't be gay stuff. He said he lucked out with that. He said that he would have flipped the fuck out if it had turned out to be gay porn. Howard said he just read that it was South Beach Booty that he had under his bed. Luke said it was something like that.
Howard asked Luke if he would go to a gay wedding. Luke said he would not. Howard asked him if he would even go to his son's wedding if he was gay. That was another No.
Howard took a call from Crazy Alice (audio clips) and she was yelling at Luke about a few things. Luke said that she sounds very angry. The guys in the back were having some fun with those clips and kept playing her saying the N-word and telling Howard to shut the fuck up and things like that.
Luther said that she sounds like one of those women that you give a golden shower to and promise a lot of stuff to who gets very angry.
Howard let Alice go and asked Luke more about his reality show. Luke said that they shot 8 episodes and if it does well they'll do some more.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Luke signed a pre-nup. Luke said no to that so Howard asked him what he was thinking. Luke said he didn't think he needed it. Howard told him that his money is going to go right out the window if he gets divorced. Luke said that his money is protected but wouldn't elaborate on that. He said that Florida is the place where you want to get married. Howard said he doesn't think he thought this through. Luke said that his lawyers told him that he's protected.
Howard asked Luke if he had to convince his wife to be part of the reality show. Luke said that she wasn't supposed to be part of it at first but she became more and more a part of it when they got it going. Howard said that he'd better watch out because Hulk Hogan is coming in and his wife is divorcing him after the reality show happened. Luke said that it's the same crew shooting his show so he does have to be careful.
Howard played Luke's latest song and said that he kind of likes it. Luke talked about the old days when they were recording the 2 Live Crew songs and everyone would come in high. Luke said that he doesn't do that shit but he does drink. He said he didn't want to become a zombie like those other guys were.
Dominic Barbara called in and said that he's a fan of that music but when Luke's wife tells him to cut back on his spending, she's counting his money. He told Luke that you always want a pre-nup no matter where you live. He said that Florida isn't all that great for divorces. He said that pre-nups are so you don't have to litigate. Howard said that Luke was looking bummed out now so he had to cut that conversation off.
Howard let Dominic go but Dominic was telling Robin to give them a call back because they wanted to talk to her about her break up. That led to Robin talking about breaking up with Jim and Howard telling Luke that she was dating a white guy. Luke said she looks like someone who would date a black guy. Robin said that she'll date anyone. <>Howard started to wrap up, gave Luke a plug for his web site UncleLuke.tv and then Luke told him that he should let him throw his bachelor party. Howard told him to stay home because he's not going to do that. He had to go to break a short time later.
Hulk was having a tough time sitting down because his hip was bothering him. That led to Howard talking about Jesse Ventura's visit and how he told them that hulk was the one who turned him into Vince McMahon about the union thing.
Hulk said that Jesse has been working on his stories for 30 years and he knows that he's lying about never doing drugs. Hulk said that he used to smoke pot with Jesse back in the day. Hulk didn't want to get into that stuff anymore so Howard got back to his back and hip problems. Hulk said that his back is really messed up.
Howard asked Hulk if he ever got resentful that his family was having such a great time while he was suffering through the pain from all of the stuff he had to go through to make his money. Hulk said that his family never thought the house was big enough and his wife always wanted to move. Hulk said that his wife wanted to move to Miami because Brooke was going to be recording out there. Hulk said that his wife moved back to L.A. and she got a place that was costing him a ridiculous amount of money.
Howard said that he knew that Hulk was miserable when he saw him at Bubba's wedding, carrying a giant box. Howard said that he had Hulk's lawyer, Dave, on the pone and he wanted to be on while Hulk was on. He put him on but didn't say all that much to him.
Howard asked Hulk about Brooke possibly doing Playboy. Hulk said that she got a call at 16 to do the magazine and he called and thanked them for that and turned it down. He said that they called again and said that they want her on the cover of the 55th anniversary issue. He said that Brooke called him and asked what he thought. He told her that she should say that she's very interested in it. He said that she's going to have to make that decision because it could make her career skyrocket or maybe tank. He said that she's 20 years old now and he can't tell her what to do. He can tell her to think about it and make the right decision on it though.
Hulk said that he won't look at the layout if she does Playboy. He said that he will support her if she does do it. He said he thinks that it's the wrong time for her to do it right now. He said that he thinks that if she does it down the road it might be okay. Howard said that the right time to do it is when Hulk is dead so he doesn't have to know about it.
Howard said that he likes Brooke's new TV show. Hulk said that she's the nicest and most honest person he knows. Howard told Hulk that she is spoiled though. Hulk said she works her ass off. Howard said that she's spoiled and she's going to have to find someone who will treat her just like her father does.
Hulk told Howard about how he once spanked her on the ass when she was a little girl and he still hasn't heard the end of it. It was just the one time too.
Hulk was telling Howard that he shouldn't mess up his relationship with marriage. Howard said that Beth is worried about messing things up by getting married. Hulk said that it could work out but it could fail too.
Howard asked Hulk about his divorce and if it's easier in Florida or not. Hulk said that it should be an easy thing but it's not turning out to be like that.
Howard asked Hulk about his ex-wife dating a 19 year old and what that's all about. Hulk said that has been tough on his kids. He said that he's cool with that because he's not in love with her anymore but it bothers him that his kids are so upset about it.
Hulk talked about how Brooke found out that her mother was dating a 19 year old. She had gone back to the old house and went through the house when her mother wasn't there. She ended up finding 2 19 year old guys there in the house at the time. Her mother freaked out and told her that she was just supposed to come to the restaurant and not go to the house.
Hulk said that there had been problems with him and Linda for the past 10 or 12 years. They stayed together for the kids but now he realizes that it would have been better off being from a broken home than be in a broken home.
Howard asked hulk if he was having sex with Linda over the past 10 years. Hulk said that it was on and off. He said that he's dating a 34 year old woman now who is great. He said that he just got some new tattoos about 6 months ago and he went to a really weird place in his life. He got so depressed that he had lost his wife and stuff.
Hulk said that he was in this big house all alone and his mind started playing games on him. He said that he had some weird thoughts and he made it sound like he was suicidal but he never pulled out a gun or anything. He said that his kids were always on his mind and he kept praying that he was going to be happy. Hulk said he just got sick and tired of it all and eventually snapped out of it.
Hulk said that Bubba is a great guy and he stayed at his house for a while. He said that he'd come down and see his two kids there so that would depress him even more. Hulk said that he was going out and drinking but he wasn't talking to any women or anything during that time.
Howard asked Hulk how long he waited to date. Hulk said it was a few months before he found someone. Hulk said that even if he had gotten laid, that wouldn't have helped him out. Hulk said that he prayed to be happier every New Year and it didn't work.
Hulk said that he was supposed to go to this meeting about his Hogan Energy drink and on the flight back he was talking to some guy about all of his problems and a woman gave him this book to read called ''The Secret'' that changed his life. He said that he read the book and it really helped him out. Robin said that she read the book and it helped her too.
Hulk said that the book paralleled what he believes as a Christian and that really got him out of this thing he was in. Hulk said that he changed and realized that life is beautiful and he stopped being negative about people. Hulk said that his eyes were opened up and he became a better person. Hulk said that he's happier now than he ever was when he was married.
Howard asked Hulk about the tapes of him and his son talking on the phone in jail begin released. Hulk said that they're going to court over that and they're going to find out why they were released to the public when other tapes haven't been.
Hulk said that his son was sentenced to 8 months in minimum security and they ended up sticking him in a maximum security prison in solitary confinement. He said they did that to punish him. Hulk said that he has tried to help his son out with that book that he read. He said that his son was able to last because of that kind of stuff.
Howard asked Hulk why he's responsible for what his son did. Hulk said that they didn't have a lot of insurance because his wife didn't want to pay a lot for insurance. Dave got on and said that Nick was still a juvenile at the time too so that's why his parents are being held responsible.
Hulk said that his ex-wife is trying to get a lot of money and all of his trademarks and stuff out of him for this divorce. He said that it's all good though.
Howard asked Hulk about his new girl and if she looks a little bit like his ex-wife and daughter. Hulk said that she's blond and they say that a lot of blondes look the same. He said that she doesn't look the same when you see her up close.
Hulk said that he met this girl in the grocery store when he was looking for some organic animal crackers. He said that he looked at her eyes and they were pure white and he'd never seen that before. He said that he didn't get her number that day but a few weeks later he ran into her again. He said that this time he noticed her eyes and the rest of her body. He said that he learned about her and got her number that day.
Howard asked where he went on his first date with her. Hulk said that he went to her house instead of going out. He said that it took him a long time to get her. He said that he didn't want to give exact details but Howard figured it was 2 weeks. It sounded like it may have been quicker than that. Howard asked Hulk if it was the greatest to be inside of a new woman. Hulk told him to stop with that. He didn't want to get into that much detail.
Hulk told Howard that when he's in a relationship he is either all the way in or all the way out. He won't cheat on this woman. He said he doesn't even remember the last time he was with Linda at this point.
Howard asked Hulk what he's going to do about Bubba now that he's gained all of this weight. Hulk said that Bubba has started working out again and he's back on track.
Hulk said that he can't even work out in his own house anymore. He said that this 19 year old is sleeping in his bed, working out in his gym and driving his cars. That's what really bothers him. Howard said it sounds like things are a real mess.
Hulk told Howard and Robin about this thing that happened with Brooke and this handler that she had by the name of Christie Ann. He said that he got a call from that woman one day asking what was wrong with Brooke because she was crying. This was going on all the time and it turns out that Linda was brow beating Brooke whenever she'd call. Hulk said that he ended up talking to this Christie Ann and they hooked up a couple of times. He said that Brooke found out about that about a year later and she flipped out. Hulk admits he was wrong about that but at the end of the day, Linda and her lawyer jumped on it and had Brooke signing paperwork saying that she had seen all of this stuff. They reworded the whole thing and tried to get her to sign it again and she refused because the stuff just wasn't true.
Hulk said that he told Brooke not to worry about it and once her show was a hit on VH-1, they took the first draft and sent it to The Globe and exposed all of this stuff that went on. He said that was the last straw for Brooke.
Howard asked Hulk why they can't do a 50/50 split and just end this thing. David said that's what they've been trying to do but this law firm that they're dealing with wants to go to war with them. David said they don't want to go to war with them. He said that they want to settle it and get it over with.
Hulk said that they're burning up a lot of money that he wanted to give to his kids and to Linda by dragging this case out the way they are. David said that they want to settle the case and there is nothing to fight about. Howard said that things just keep getting uglier and uglier and they need to put it behind them. Howard asked if Hulk could go to Linda and ask her to just settle this thing.
Hulk laughed and said he can't do that. He said that Linda had the cops pull him over and lied to them about something. Hulk said that she's telling the kids that he's threatened to kill her and things like that. He said that Linda owns both of the houses at this point.
Hulk said that his lawyer asked him for his gun and then told him to get out of the beach house they have because it was in Linda's name. Hulk said that he had to leave both of the houses. Linda was claiming that he threatened her and the cops could arrest him if he was in her house.
David said that Linda is using money to get back at Hulk emotionally. Howard asked Hulk where he's living now. He said he's in an apartment. He said that his daughter is living in a nicer place than he is.
Howard asked hulk if this new woman is going to want a kid with him. Hulk said that she's cool and she doesn't want a kid.
Howard said that he had the Iron Sheik on the phone. Hulk said that he's an idiot but told Howard to put him on. Sheik said that Hulk insulted him one time and he wanted to give him a fuck you. He said that he was supposed to help him out back when he lost his belt but Hulk never came through. Sheik said that Hulk told him that he loved him but then he never spoke to him again. Sheik told Hulk he was a fuckin idiot and continued to go off on him.
Hulk said that Sheik is out of his mind and he's going to call the New Jersey cops on him again if he doesn't stop. Hulk said that Sheik is doing one of his gimmicks and he figured that he'll see him in a couple of weeks and he'll be kissing his ass.
Hulk said that he'll stretch his ass if he doesn't stop with this stuff. Sheik kept going and went off on Hulk but then said that he forgives him and then the two of them made up and said they love each other. It was resolved in seconds. Howard said that's what Hulk needs in his divorce.
Howard said that Hulk is still working and he's got him and Bubba as his friends. He said that this divorce should work out. Hulk said that he's working on getting some stuff going. He said he just shot a new show called Celebrity Professional Wrestling with people like Danny Bonaduce, Dennis Rodman, Dustin Diamond, Butterbean and Todd Bridges. He said that it's going to be on CMT and it's going to be great.
Hulk said that they have a lot of good stuff coming up and it'll be fun to watch. He said that they may even have Bubba do the voice overs for it. He said that Tiffany, Nikki Ziering and others were part of it. He said that Frank Stallone became a full blown drag queen during the shoot. He said that was the character he came up with and after the last show he didn't take the make up off. He said that he thinks that Frank found himself during that.
Howard asked Hulk about the American Gladiator thing and what was up with that. Hulk couldn't believe Howard didn't know more about it. Hulk said that Layla Ali is his co-host and the show is on NBC at 8 o'clock. Hulk also said that he got his web site, HulkHogan.com, up and running. He told the guys to check out his Hulk Hogan energy granules.
Hulk asked how Bubba is doing. Howard told him that he's doing just fine and he's on both SIRIUS and on terrestrial radio. Hulk said that Howard was the guy who gave him a shot when no one else would. Howard said that he and Bubba spoke yesterday for a few minutes.
Hulk wanted a radio show so he asked Howard why he doesn't give him a show. Howard said that they might be able to do that. Hulk could even work out of Bubba's studio down in Tampa. Howard said that he'd hook Hulk up with Tim Sabean. Hulk said that he wants to do ''Real Talk with Hulk Hogan.'' Howard said they'll work on that. He gave him a few more plugs for his stuff.
Howard said that he finds Hulk's daughter very attractive. Hulk told him that he has to see her now because she's in great shape. Howard said he'd be afraid of getting into it with her because he'd be afraid to break up with her.
Ralph called in and said that Hulk was a great guest. He said that he wished that he could open up about everything. Howard said that his lawyer didn't interrupt more than once. He opened up a lot. Ralph also thinks that Brooke should do Playboy now and it would help her career like the sex tape helped Paris Hilton. Howard said that Brooke doesn't have to do that and she would be going into another realm if she did do it. Ralph said it's not like that these days.
Howard said he's sorry that Hulk has to go through all of this nonsense. Hulk said that he'll be okay. He said he thinks that people see who they really are now that all of this has come out. Howard said that he could probably work this stuff out on his show and he could bang out an agreement in an hour. Howard said that he went through a divorce and he guarantees that he can make a reasonable point that they'd both agree to. He said that Hulk might have to take some abuse and Linda may end up pissing on his face. Hulk said that he's been eating shit sandwiches for years so that wouldn't be out of the question. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Pam said that her shorts were by someone by the name of Charlene Roxboro or something. Pam had her flip video filming Howard so he asked her to turn that off. She said that she shoots most of her show that way.
Howard said that Pam is looking good as always. Pam said that she thinks she's doing okay for 41. She said that she can't wait to get old and lose her teeth. Pam said that she's not that hot anymore but she is funny. Howard told her that she's really not that funny. Guys are laughing at her because she's so hot. She'll find that out when she gets older and guys stop laughing at her jokes.
Howard asked Pam if she's reached menopause yet. Pam said that she has had hot flashes. She said that she's not having any problems getting wet for guys though. She told Howard that her 10 year old son was outside in the green room but he wasn't listening to the show.
Howard said that he'd love to interview that kid to find out what he thinks about his mother. Pam said that the kids know about her sex tape with Tommy already. She said that they had to tell them when they went to see Borat because they reference that in the movie.
Howard said that Pam gives the best blow job he's ever seen. Pam told him to shut up. She said that they get into that every time she's there.
Howard asked Pam what she's doing with her life because she keeps getting back together with Tommy and marrying Kid Rock. Pam said that she was having hot flashes again. Howard said that women dry up when they go through menopause. Robin said that is not true. Robin said that she doesn't have to use K-Y all the time. She is able to get wet.
Pam said that Chuck Zito was there keeping an eye on her son. Howard wondered what Chuck is teaching those kids. Pam said that he's their grappling coach.
Howard said that Pam isn't attracted to him and she never wanted him. She said that she is attracted to him. Howard said that he wants to understand her game plan there and why she's having yard sales. Pam said that she gave the money to PETA that she made in that yard sale. She said she's sick of wicker and she had to get rid of some stuff.
Pam said that she's great financially and she's doing just fine. She has a new house being built in The Colony. She said that she had to put about 7 million into this house she's got now. Howard wanted to know what her net worth is. Pam said she's not going to tell him that because she has to pretend that she's not making more than her man.
Howard asked Pam if she ever saw the tape of herself giving oral to her man. She said she never saw that tape. Howard said that it looks like she really enjoys it.
Howard said that Pam married Kid Rock and got married more than once with him. Howard said that Kid is upset that she kept his engagement ring after they split. Pam said that she sold it and used the money for her house. She knows that he's pissed at her. She said that she feels guilty about not giving the ring back but she figured that he'd be okay with her spending the money on her family by putting it into her house.
Howard asked Pam what she did when Kid asked for the ring back. Pam said he never asked for it back. Pam said that the whole situation was weird. Howard asked Pam about the rivalry that Tommy and Kid Rock have. Pam said it had nothing to do with her. Howard asked her who got her off better. She said that they were both great guys and she didn't want to talk about that.
Howard asked who had the best fingers. Pam wasn't talking. She said that she gets into so much trouble when she comes on this show. Howard said that she has to remember who was the best but Pam said that she had forgotten.
Howard asked if Tommy rocked her world. She said that of course he did and so did Kid Rock when she was with him. She said that both of them were able to get her off. Howard asked her if she likes it fast and hard or slow. Pam said that it's a combination of things and it's actually both. She said that it's very complicated. Howard asked which one gave it to her best. Pam said that she can't get into that.
Howard asked Pam why she rushed to get married to Rick Solomon. Pam said that they were in Vegas and things just didn't work out. She said that they ended up getting an annulment. She said that her therapist threatened to drop her if she didn't get out of the relationship.
Howard asked Pam if she's ever fallen for her therapist. Pam said that her therapist is in his 60s and he's married with 6 kids. She said that she loves that whole transference thing and she and her therapist are going to marry when she's done with everyone else.
Howard asked Pam about marrying Rick Solomon and why she went through with that. Pam said that she was in Vegas and she kind of had a soft spot for him. Howard asked her about the annulment and for more details there but Pam said that she can't talk about it. Howard wanted to know what the ''fraud'' claim was but Pam wasn't able to talk about any of that. She said that she can't talk about anything.
Howard asked Pam if she's had sex with Tommy Lee again. She said that she hasn't but Tommy wants to get back with her. She said that they've all slept in the same bed with the kids and all.
Howard asked Pam about this new reality show and how she went to Hugh Hefner totally nude to give him a birthday gift. He wondered why she never came to him naked to do that. Pam said that she was semi-covered with birthday cake. Howard said that she really wasn't. Pam said that this would be on camera if she did it in the studio. Howard said it would be a great honor to be naked in front of him.
Howard said that Hugh was squeezing Pam's boobs when she was standing there naked in front of him. Pam said that he does that a lot. She said that he's very sweet and he didn't do it all that long. She said that she hasn't had sex with Hef but she has seen him having sex with the 7 girls.
Howard asked Pam if she's ever been with a black man. She said that she had. Howard wanted to know more about that but Pam said that a man is a man. Howard asked Pam when that was. She said that it was back in the 90s sometime. Then she talked about how they're talking about getting rid of the horse drawn carriages there in the city. Howard found that very odd that they went from talking about a black man to talking about a horse.
Howard asked Pam about this new reality show and how that came about because she claimed that she never wanted to do that. Pam said that it all came about when she was out in Vegas and realized she didn't want to be a part of that city. She said that she films the whole show and she doesn't really put her kids into it that much.
Howard said that they get a real look into Pam's life. Pam said that nothing is set up in the show so it's really like her real life.
Howard asked Pam if Tommy has ever jerked off on her in bed. She said that he did wet the bed one time when he was drunk but it was just one time. She said that she knows he's going to kill her for talking about this. Howard asked her who changes the sheets. Pam said that it was probably the house keeper at the hotel. Pam said that he said he was sorry about it. She said that he's like her best friend at this point.
Howard said that Pam's show is Pam: Girl on the Loose. He asked what she's up to for the rest of the day. She said that she's going to do The View. She did Letterman last night. Howard said that Dave probably had a big boner under that desk of his.
Howard gave Pam an F, Marry Kill with Leno, Letterman and Howard Stern. Pam said that she would have to fuck Howard. She said she had to say that. Pam said that she would marry Letterman and kill Leno. She laughed when she said that but said that she loves Jay. She said that he has a great sense of humor but this is his last season so he's the best one to kill off.
Howard asked Pam when she last had sex. She said it was a couple of weeks ago and it was kind of an accident. She said that it was kind of a one night stand and she won't be going back to that guy. She said she didn't want to talk about that with her kids in the other room.
Howard tried to find out who the guy was but Pam wasn't talking. She said that she's still friendly with the guy but she's not interested in a relationship with the guy. Howard asked her if her car is clean. She said it's so clean. Robin explained to her why Howard brought that up and said that Luther Campbell was talking about how he judges the cleanliness of a woman's vagina by how clean her car is.
Howard said that he has always liked Pam and he loves her sense of humor. He asked her why she had sex with Criss Angel. Pam swore on the life of her kids that she didn't do that. She said that he's a cute guy but she wasn't with him.
Howard gave Pam some more plugs and started to wrap up with her. Artie said that he'd like to meet Pam's kids so he can make sure they're learning to throw a football and stuff. Pam said that they're very athletic and both she and Tommy are very good about that. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard said that Staind is coming on in a few weeks and they'll be doing a Karaoke thing with them. They will have people like Scott the Engineer, Jason, JD, Tim Sabean and Ronnie singing. Gary gave Howard the songs that the guys were going to be singing. Gary said that Scott the Engineer was trying to come up with a song and he was practicing some stuff in his studio this morning.
Howard said he should be able to beat them all. He said that Ronnie might surprise them. He said that maybe JD can really sing and he'll really surprise them.
Howard asked Mike what was going on and he brought up an article that was on AOL where they gave a list of CEOs that had to go and Mel Karmazin was on the list. Mike said that they have to be out of their minds. He just pulled off something that was thought to be impossible with this merger.
Howard had Mike get to his game. Here's how the game goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Howard said that Johnny is no rat. Fred said that it has to be Fratto. He said that he respects that Steve won't reveal his sources but he wouldn't trust Fratto. Eric told Fred he was an idiot too. Artie told Eric that he has more leaks in his organization than he has zits on his face.
Steve said that they have a story about Wolfie who called in and complained that Richard stole and idea for a game that they played on the show recently. Richard claims he doesn't remember that call though.
Steve said they have a story about Scott Ferrall breaking some big news on his show on Tuesday. Howard said that he had tape of that to play. It turns out that Ferrall broke some news to an NBA player who didn't know that he had been traded away from his team. Howard played the clip and Ferrall was breaking the news to him and the guy had no clue about it.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he liked all three of the interviews he did this morning. The guy said he wanted to apologize to Howard too. Howard ended up cutting him off so he could talk to Scott Ferrall. He wished him a happy birthday since that was on Tuesday. Howard congratulated him on the breaking news he gave to that NBA player. Scott told Howard how that all went down and gave him the details.
Eric the Midget called back and said he had more to say but he got hung up on. Howard said that he had a lot of stuff to get to and he can't spend all day with him. Eric said that he wanted to do a wrestling show with Hulk Hogan, that's why he had called in earlier. Howard said he will give Hogan the idea and get back to him about that. Eric also said that Steve Langford's new name is ''Steve Wrongford.'' Eric also told him to go fuck himself.
Steve said that they have some news about Alex Winter being hired to write the remake of Rock and Roll High School. They have some more about that and about a few other things. Steve said that Shuli is going to be performing at Caroline's tonight with Sal and Richard opening up for him.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He ran through the list of stuff they were going to try and cover today on the show. That led to Howard talking about how Hulk Hogan said that he would be willing to come in and confront Jesse Ventura live on the show sometime. Howard said that he'd like to sit them both down and do that.
Mutt from Superfan Roundtable called in and said that they'll be talking about the merger tonight on the show. They're going to talk about the Baba Booey song parody contest as well.
Robin started off her news talking about people who have had multiple abortions. Howard said that they really need to keep abortion legal because there are so many people out there who don't know what the fuck they're doing. He said that an abortion every 6 years would be acceptable. He said that the best thing to do is to get an abortion but Robin said that it would be best not to get pregnant at all.
Robin read a story about Ed McMahon where they claim that he hasn't paid some lawyer's bills for his daughter. She had some news about Cheech and Chong reuniting for a new tour. That led to Howard playing some classic Cheech and Chong bits and talking about some of the good stuff they did back when they were together. Artie said that his father was very amused by their movie ''Up In Smoke'' and it would make him laugh even after he had been injured.
Robin read a story about a fisherman who died when a weighed lure hit him in the eye and lodged in his brain. Robin read another one about a camper who got lost in the woods and survived on termites. She had a story about a kid who turned in his mother for making fake money and fake IDs.
Howard played a classic Cheech and Chong bit that he liked called Dave's Not Here. Howard wasn't sure if they held up over time. Artie thought they did. He said that it sounds like Adam Sandler was really influenced by that stuff too.
Robin talked about the Olympics and how people really don't seem that interested in them these days. Howard said he doesn't care. Artie said that he'd watch if he could bet on that stuff but most bookies won't take bets on the Olympics.
Robin read a story about the oldest known joke that goes back to 1900 BC. She read some of the other oldest jokes that were found. Some of them weren't really jokes but clever little lines.
Robin had some news and audio clips of Barack Obama commenting on John McCain. She had some John McCain talking about some of the things he wants to fix in congress if he gets elected.
Robin read some news about some low fat foods that are coming out at some fast food restaurants. She also talked about Brendan Frasier returning to the Mummy series of movies. Howard said that he hasn't seen one of them yet and he's not sure why they keep making them. Robin said that she kind of enjoys them.
Robin had a story about this kid who is playing a part in the movie ''Swing Vote.'' She had a clip of the girl talking about how the script hit her like a ton of bricks and she thinks that it's going to be a really good hit. Artie said that they should lock that kid up now because she's going to be one annoying adult.
Robin read some news about Christian Bale's arrest and what went on that led to the arrest. She had some audio clips of him talking about his Batman role. She had some news about this movie Step Brothers with John C. Reilly and Will Ferrell. Howard said that the movie got great reviews but he had no desire to see it before he saw them. He said that they were saying that it might be one of the greatest comedies ever. Gary said that he read that it was horrible and it was the biggest waste ever.
Robin read that Amanda Peet is in the new X-Files movie. Howard said that she's a franchise killer and she's awful in every movie she's in. Robin had some audio clips to play but Howard got frustrated and bored with her talking. They also played Larry Pierce's ''She's a Worthless Cunt'' song for her. Artie said that he sat next to Gillian Anderson on a flight one time and she was torturing the gay guys who were the flight attendants. He said that it was kind of funny to see them getting so pissed off.
Robin read a story about Matthew Broderick and Sarah Jessica Parker and how no one seemed to care that there was a story about Matthew possibly cheating on her. Robin read some news about the new Transformers movie and how Shia LeBeouf is out for a month or so. Howard said that the guy is so non-descript that he wouldn't be able to tell the difference even if they replaced him half way through the movie. Artie said they should try that. Howard said that Hollywood would hate him if he were running it. He said that he'd just get him out of there if he screwed up like he did. Fred threw in some Uncle Paulie ''Get outta here'' clips while Howard was talking about that. Robin was done so Howard ended the show a short time later around 10:40am.
Gary asked if Hulk is the most recognizable wrestler of all time. Jon said that he might be even after so many other guys have come around and gone on to do movies and stuff. He said that everyone knew who Hulk Hogan was.
Jon went to the phones and took a call from a guy who asked if he thought Howard took it a little light on Hogan. He said that Howard didn't seem to bring up some of the stuff that he's brought up when Hulk wasn't there. Gary said that you have to try and get the most out of an interview and Howard has to be impartial so the guest doesn't just shut down.
Jon said that Hulk showed how to treat the Iron Sheik today. Gary said that Sheik is new to him and didn't know that he had been doing all of this for so many years. By the end of the phone call the two of them had made up and said they loved each other.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that Hulk and Pam didn't really open up today. Gary said that Hulk probably opened up about as much as he can legally. Gary said that the lawyer only cut them off at one point when they were talking about something that they didn't want to get into.
Gary said that Howard really isn't into talking to wrestlers because they're usually in character. Today he got the real Hulk Hogan though so that's what he prefers.
The caller said that he met Hulk years ago and he was like a little kid when he wasn't in character. He said that he is a pretty intimidating guy when you see him in person.
Gary asked about the Frank Stallone cross dressing thing that Hulk brought up. They spent a minute talking about that. Jon went to some more calls and one guy said he thought Howard took it easy on Hulk today. They didn't talk about the car accident. He said that Hulk is also prostituting his kids and making his daughter go do Playboy. Gary said that he's not telling her to do it and he'd prefer that she didn't so he's not pushing her into it. The caller didn't hear it that way though. Jon and Gary explained to the caller what Hulk was doing with that and how he said he's going to support her in what she wants to do. He wasn't pushing her into it.
Another caller said that guy was a jackass. He said that he was listening to Bubba yesterday and Hulk was on his show and he was really looking forward to hearing him on the show today. He said that he didn't let him down either.
A caller said that he loves this show and almost as much as he loves Howard's show. He also said that he'd love to hear Hulk, Jesse Ventura and Iron Sheik in the studio at the same time. Gary said that he'd love to throw Rowdy Roddy Piper in there too. Gary said he made an appearance with Piper one time and he was making statements that made sure he would never work with the WWE again.
Jon talked about the book that Hulk mentioned, The Secret, and how he was claiming he didn't want to come across as a bible thumper. They spent a short time talking about that.
Another caller said that Captain Lou Albano was one of the first guys to use the term Jabronie in the ring. They had mentioned that earlier and how both Hulk and Sheik were using it.
Jon went to another caller who said that he fuckin hates wrestling. He said that he did know that the guy that came with Hulk today, Brutus the Beefcake Barber used to use the theme song ''The Warrior'' when he'd go into the ring.
A caller said that he thinks that Hulk would make a great motivational speaker. He said that people in his situation could be encouraged by that guy talking about the stuff he was talking about today. Gary asked if it huts someone's career when they break character. Jon said that it might but it's nice when they get a mix of both.
Another caller asked about why Howard let Hulk get away with the discussion about his son's accident and how he didn't have any insurance. Gary said that Hulk explained that. The caller was also wondering why Howard is letting Artie get away with sleeping through the show so much.
Jon said that both Howard and Robin told Artie to take a nap first thing in the morning. The caller said he thinks that Artie is fucking with Howard in some way. The guy said that Artie has to fuck with authority and it's a weird dynamic with the guy. Gary said that he thinks that Artie has too much respect for Howard to actually fuck with him. The caller said he doesn't agree with that and he doesn't get it. The guy said he respects what Artie adds to the show but this behavior is weird.
Gary said that they had a lot of guests on today and Artie sometimes stays quiet. The caller said that he thought Pam and Luther weren't that great as guests today either. He said he wishes that they had something on Friday for them because he loves the show so much.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that Artie isn't fucking with Howard, Artie is fucking with Artie. The guy was also saying that he missed the party last night for the song parody winners. Gary said that all of the winners and some guests were there. They had some VIP people there like Eddie the Produce guy. Gary said that Eddie told him that he's weaning himself off the show slowly so if Howard doesn't renew his contract, he won't be so upset. He said he found that to be very interesting.
The caller was also correcting Jon on his grammar in his closing statement when he does his Wrap Up Show preview. He was going on and on about some other stuff asking about taping the show and keeping it archived.
Benjy said that Pam did talk about getting raped so maybe that got her into trouble. Benjy said that Pam said something interesting and she said that she had gotten naked for Howard but not on the air. Jon and Gary missed that during the interview. Benjy said it could have meant nothing but it sounded like maybe she had gotten naked for him off the air.
Gary and the guys talked about the Pam and Tommy sex tape a little bit and then took some more calls. A caller asked if they were going to bring in some of the losers in the Baba Booey song parody contest so they can hear some of the other songs. Gary said that they played the top 30 songs they picked so they might not go any deeper than that. The caller said that he had sent in one that didn't make it into the top 30.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that maybe Paris Hilton was in on the sex tape that she did with Rick Solomon. The guy thought that maybe Pam knew something about it that she let out. The guys weren't sure about that.
The guys were wondering how many times Pam had been married. Gary had to look it up and found that she has had 3 husbands. Tommy, Kid Rock and Rick Solomon. Benjy said that there has to be someone before Tommy Lee. Gary said that they claim that Tommy was her first husband.
Jon asked Gary how he'd explain that sex tape to his kids if he were Pam. Gary said that she did it quickly and gave them some vague details and let them figure it out on their own. Gary said that he didn't even know what sex was about at 10. Gary said that he didn't really know until he was in 9th grade going into 10th. Benjy thinks that the average guy starts masturbating around 11.
Jon said that he was probably 11 or 12. Gary said that he was about 12. Benjy said that he figured that he'd be getting it every single day by the time he turned 18. It turns out that was wrong.
A caller said that they have to stop with Pam now because she hasn't been hot for 15 years now and the only people who care about her are Howard and Ralph. The guy said that she hasn't been hot since she was about 25. The caller said he liked Luther and Hulk today though. The guy said that he knew that they were going to get the same routine with Pam today. The guy said that Pam is on every few months too but Gary said that she hasn't been on in years. Gary said that Luther has been on satellite radio more than Pam has and he was almost sure about that.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Benjy sucks and he went over the top with Langford earlier in the week. Benjy said that he just gets upset and he tries to defend himself and he's not just doing shtick. He was very emotional about what he was doing with Steve.
Ralph called in and said that people perplex him. He said that the guy's reaction to Pam was weird and he didn't think she was horrible. He thought she was good. Gary said that she had a rough road following Hulk Hogan who was so open about everything. He said that Pam has never been that open.
Ralph said that Pam was revealing stuff and you just had to listen to get that. He said he doesn't get why people don't like that. Gary said that guys get pissed at hot chicks and that might be what was going on there. Ralph said that caller was a douche bag.
Ralph said that he really digs Pam and he's liked her for a while. He said that she's a great party girl and he's really into that.
Jon said he got a note and they found that Luther Campbell has been on the show 4 times at satellite and Pam has been on 3 times and one time she was on the phone. Ralph said he knew that caller was dumb. They went to break after that.
Jon got them back on track and talked about Luther Campbell's interview. They talked about him for a few seconds and then took some phone calls.
A woman called in and said that she was watching Howard TV and saw that Robin's whole body was shaking on day 2 of the break up coverage. She said that she thinks that Robin is showing that she was really holding back her emotions in that segment. She said that they may want to keep an eye on that. Gary said that he hasn't seen the shaking but he will check it out. She said that everybody hurts and she gets why she wants to hide it.
Jon said that he thinks Robin is holding up pretty well with the break up. The woman said that she wishes that Robin were more real about the whole thing. Gary said that they have a lot more time to talk about that stuff and it takes time for some things to come out.
Jon got back to the Luther Campbell discussion and talked about how Luke was thinking that Howard had to have done some of the crazier things that he's done.
Benjy said that he liked that Luke named the chick that smelled bad. He said it was like Frita from New Orleans or something like that.
Jon played a clip from Uncle Luke's interview where he was talking about not going to a gay wedding. After the clip Gary and Jon talked about how hard it would be to deal with your young kid having porn under his bed.
Gary said that he saw that Howard and Kevin Costner had a little meeting out in the hallway out there. He said that he bets that Howard told him how much he liked that movie ''Mr. Brooks'' because he was such a big fan. The guys mentioned some of the other great movies that he's done and said that they may not be able to get him in there.
Gary said that he's sorry for being so fascinated with Kevin Costner but he had some trivia about him. He said that his first acting roles was in ''Bachelor Party'' and he was one of the bachelors in the morgue party scene.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he's kind of upset about the way Sal is being treated by Howard. He said that Sal was doing a roast when he told that joke about Beth and Howard is treating him really poorly. Gary said that he was going to explain this one more time. He said that Sal did the joke about Beth, they made up but then after Sal said he would never use the joke again, he went out to a comedy show and did it again. That's why Beth has a problem with him. That's why Howard isn't inviting him to the wedding.
Benjy said that he wanted to take bets on whether or not Sal would be at the wedding. He said that Howard will break down and invite Sal to the wedding. He thinks that it will eventually happen and Sal will show up. Jon and Gary bet Benjy on that.
Sal came in and said that he did receive a ''Save the Date'' card. He was just kidding. Sal went into his ''I'm suffering the consequences'' explanation again like he does every time he goes through this explanation. He said that other people have gotten save the date cards and he didn't get one.
Jon said that JD was in there so he wanted to know if he came in to comment on the ''rape rock'' or Kevin Costner thing. JD said that he could do either. Gary was throwing out more trivia about Kevin Costner so Sal told him to just go out and suck the guy's cock already.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Pam was awful today and Jon is a big ass kisser defending Artie all the time. Jon said that it doesn't piss him off that Artie falls asleep. The guy said that Jon is always kissing people's asses and he does it all the time. The caller said that no one is being honest about the Artie sleeping thing.
Jon asked the guys if there was anyone in there who wouldn't sleep on the show if they could get away with it. Gary said that Howard is the one who makes that determination on that. The caller said that sounded like a political answer to him. Gary aid that it's not and it's all up to Howard.
Shuli said that Howard might think that Artie is in a bad emotional state and he doesn't want to fuck with that. Gary said that it also makes for some funny radio when he sleeps so that's another thing that they have to think about. The caller doesn't like it. The guy also told Shuli that he sucks before he got off the phone.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that the show is 4 hours long and it's more entertaining than any show that has existed and they have to shut the fuck up and just enjoy the show. Gary said that it's nice that people are so passionate about the show.
A caller said that the guy that was with Hulk today was actually Hulk's brother. Sal said that it was just a rumor but it wasn't true. He said that they're not brothers. Sal said he knew all of this because he was a huge wrestling fan. Gary read some stuff off the web and said that it wasn't true according to the site he was on.
Gary read some stuff about that guy that said he returned in 1991 as ''Fur Face'' for a short time. That led to some other wrestling discussions between Sal, JD and Shuli.
Ralph called in and said that he just rinses his hair and puts some conditioner in it. Gary asked him how he cleans his scalp. Ralph said that people over wash their hair in general. He said that your scalp doesn't get dirt embedded in it. Ralph said that he would look like a rastafarian if he didn't do his hair at all.
Gary apologized to Miss Howard Stern and said that he didn't want to get rid of her. JD said that it's Miss Black Howard Stern that they want to get rid of. Gary wondered what that was about. JD apparently doesn't like her.
Gary said that they had a run in with Andrea's assistant the last time they were in. He said that he told her that Andrea needs to come prepared to be on the air instead of the way she was the last time she was on. He said that might be why Andrea thought he was pissed at her. They had to end the show a short time later.