|Friday||Master Tape Theatre|
Howard started off the show talking to Robin about being sick this morning. Robin said that she thinks she got sick from Beth. She said she spent the weekend up in cold, damp Boston for her nephew's graduation. She said that it was bone chilling cold up there and it went right through her.
Howard said that he told Robin that she could still get sick. Robin said she knows that she can and she ended up having a coughing attack last night. Howard said that Robin was claiming that she doesn't get sick since she got on her diet but that's just not the case. Robin said that she sounds fine today but Howard told her that she really doesn't.
Robin said that the weather was 50 degrees and raining up in Boston and the ceremony was outside. Artie sounded surprised that it was cold up there. Robin said that she was getting better last week even after she sounded okay after starting to get a stuffy nose.
Artie told Benjy to wait until after the show to shave from now on. Howard said that there was blood dripping out of the Band-Aid and he was sweating like crazy. He was dripping sweat and blood. Howard said this was unbelievable and he's really not together. If he just got up 15 minutes earlier he wouldn't be so gross. Benjy said that's not true.
Howard told Benjy that he looks much better after the show is over and that's why he thinks that he'd be better if he got up earlier.
Fred said that the blood was coming out of the bandage and dripping. Robin said that it was the funniest to see that.
Howard said it's funny that Artie is as healthy as a horse. Howard said that Robin's nephew should have made her a super-enema to keep her from getting sick.
Robin talked about her nephew going over to Rome on a ship after his graduation. He's going over there to get his Masters.
Artie said that he saw the movie ''21'' over the weekend and thought it was great. He said he saw it on On Demand in a hotel room.
Howard read an article about the FCC decision on the XM/SIRIUS merger. He read about the reasons that Kevin Martin is giving for the decision taking so long to come down. Howard read through the article where they talked about how the merger should go through because it's really not a monopoly since they're competing against so many other things.
Howard said that he had a pin holding his pants together and his shoe got stuck on that. Robin asked him what was going on with that. He's a wealthy man and should be able to have his pants tailored. Howard said he doesn't want to end up like Ed McMahon so that's why he's doing it this way. That led to Howard talking about seeing Ed McMahon on Larry King's show talking about how he lost all of his money.
Howard said that if he had 200 million bucks in the bank, he could live off of that and wouldn't invest it like Ed McMahon said he was doing with his money. Howard said that he could live off of that kind of money. He said that Ed had a $7 million home and he could have just put the rest of the money in the bank and lived off of bonds and stuff like that instead of trying to invest it all.
Howard and the guys spent a short time talking about Ed's bankruptcy and what they've heard about how he lost the money. Howard said that Ed has had a blessed career and made a lot of money.
Robin said that she was trying to see Stuttering John on the Tonight Show the other night but he was on and off so quickly that she missed him. Robin said that she barely even heard his voice. Howard said that she should play it in slow motion, like his family does, so it looks like he's on for 30 minutes.
Robin said she wanted to see John raise his cup like she's seen him do because that is her favorite thing on there. Artie said that he's only seen the show about 10 times total and he just doesn't dig seeing Jay as the host of that show. He said that he's grating as the host.
Howard said that he heard that John wasn't doing the salute he used to do on that show. He asked Fred if he knew anything about that but Fred had no idea. He said he watches it less and less than he used to and he thinks she's only watched it one and a half times total.
Howard and Fred goofed on John and Jay by doing impressions of both of them. They were talking about John inviting Jay to his movie premiere and reenacted how that might have gone. Howard was doing his Leno impression while Fred did his Stuttering John.
Fred did his impression of John holding up his coffee cup too and goofed on that. Howard started to do his Stuttering John stutter as well and goofed on John a little bit. Howard said that they seem to have cut John's time short on that show these days. They used to let him stay on longer when he was first starting out over there.
JD came in and told the guys when John holds up his coffee cup on the show. He said that it's a really quick thing that he does when Jay introduces him. Artie said that John has the best gig over there. He said that he doesn't have to rehearse that coffee cup thing.
Artie said that John might be out of work when Jay leaves NBC. Robin said that Jay is looking kind of disturbing these days and has some kind of orange make up on. Howard said that's because he has a pumpkin head.
Howard said that he does have an issue with them not sending him a screener yet. He said that he deserves a screener because he's a huge fan of comic book movies and he promotes that kind of stuff all the time. He said that he still plugs the comic books. He said he even knows that the Hulk has a son in the latest comic books.
Howard said he read about some of the stuff that was in the article he read about the new comic book. He said that Hulk jumped from Earth to another planet and had sex with an alien chick who gave birth to his son. Howard had all of the details about the mother and how Hulk doesn't even know he has a son. Howard said that Hulk thought that his son was killed in a crash or something.
Howard read an article about Bill Murray and he was kind of bummed out about what he's been reading. He said he always thought that Bill was one of the good guys. He said he's loved his work over the years but now he's reading that his wife was talking about him being very physical with her and their kids. Now Bill is saying that the wife is the one with the drinking problem.
Howard read through the article and they're saying that the wife was drinking and got physical with the kids. Howard said he's not sure what's going on there.
Howard took a call from a guy who told him that he had the Hulk story wrong. He didn't jump to the other planet, he was sent there. Howard said he realized he got that wrong and claimed that he had just explained it the wrong way.
The caller told Howard about how he's going to be relocating and his wife doesn't want to go with him. The guy said he was moving to Louisiana. Artie said he was down there one time and there was a bug on a drive-thru speaker the size of a poodle down there.
Artie said that he felt a pressure to be witty around the guy. He said that it was just him, Bill Murray, Jim and the two kids. they just watched some basketball for like 3 hours. He said that Bill was really nice the whole time but he did seem like he was annoyed by the movie he was working on with Alec Baldwin.
Artie said that everything he was saying was calculated a million times to make Bill laugh. Jim asked him to do an impression he did because he saw that Jim knew that he was trying to say witty stuff. Howard asked him why he felt he had to talk if they were watching a game. Artie said that if it wasn't Bill Murray he wouldn't have been like that.
Artie said that it was amazing having those two guys in the room talking about the bad commercials that were on during the game. They were goofing on Arsenio Hall and a commercial he was doing at the time. He said that Bill and Jim were really funny but he wasn't having the same kind of home runs that they were.
Artie said that he did this impression of this announcer Jim Gordon that Jim had asked him to do. He said that he made Downey laugh with it but it felt like a screen test. Artie said that he blew the impression that he had never screwed up before.
Artie said that the rest of the day didn't go very well after that. He said that Bill and his kids were very nice and cordial but he felt like he blew an audition and just annoyed Bill. He said he has the feeling that Jim gets together with Bill and they goof on him.
Howard read that Jim Downey is Robert Downey Jr's uncle. Artie said that he doesn't think that's right and it might be a different Jim Downey.
Howard said that those celebrity meetings can be kind of awkward. He said that he and Steve Martin have gotten together for dinner before and they were supposed to go out to dinner a couple of months back but they both got busy and had to do things. He said that he never heard back from Steve after he turned him down a couple of weeks in a row. He said that he might be better off not going out with Steve because he feels pressure when he goes out.
Howard said that he can picture himself trying to do his Ted Kennedy impression for Steve and it'll come out in his regular voice. He did that impression as it might go if he did it for Steve and it was in his regular voice.
Howard said he's not even sure how into the show Steve Martin really is. He said that he may have just seen his movie and that was it.
Howard talked about going over to do Live at Five on a local newscast to promote something. He said that Bill Murray was there with Governor Mario Cuomo. Howard said that someone suggested that they take a picture together and everyone seemed to be kind of annoyed about that. He said that they all stood there and posed though and pretended that they were friendly. He said that they didn't really speak to one another. He said that he should have gone up to Bill and told him it was thrilling for him to be there with him but he was an angry motherfucker back then and didn't want to do that.
Robin said that she was at a Steve Winwood concert and ended up kind of dancing with Bill there. They just happened to be sitting next to each other and got up and danced when the whole place started to do that.
Howard said that the ''Kung Fu Panda'' movie was number one at the movies this weekend. He said Sandler's movie, ''Don't Mess With The Zohan,'' did pretty good making $40 million the first weekend. Robin said that the premise of that sounds so dumb to her. Howard said that one of his friends said he saw it and thought it was brilliant.
Howard said that he figured it couldn't have been brilliant but his friend insisted that it was. Artie said that some of the reviewers liked it but others hated it. Howard said that it was written by Robert Smigel and Judd Apatow. He said that Beth loves the ads for the movie when Sandler has his feet up in the air.
Howard said that one dog is enough for him. He said he can't imagine that he'd get into more than one. Howard said that the dogs need attention and if you have multiple dogs they're not going to get the same amount of attention.
Bobo asked Howard if he gets to see his old dog Java. Howard said that he got to see her last week when he was out at his old house visiting. He said that Java still knows him and still seems to love him. He said that he gets sad thinking about her because that was really his dog. He said that he wanted his kids to keep the dog there so he didn't make a big deal out of it when the divorce was going through.
Robin said that she has a friend who was telling her about how great it's been to have kids later on in his life. Howard said that the guy is probably lying. Bobo said that it's a lot of work. He's got a 20 month old kid and he's in his 50s. He's got 30, 28 and 26 year old kids as well.
Howard said that he was putting on his rubber last night and Beth told him that he should just do her without one. Howard said that he's not going to do that without a vasectomy. He said that he hasn't had sex without one since he had his kids. He said he loves wearing them now. He said that it's also a great way to get out of explaining why he'd need a rubber if he went out and cheated on Beth. He said that if that happened he wouldn't have to tell her that he needs a rubber because he had gone out and slept with someone else.
Bobo asked what size condoms Howard wears. Howard jokingly said that he has to get the Magnum condoms but he just takes the regular sized rubbers and puts them in those wrappers. He said that he gets a gross of Magnums and opens them up carefully to swap out the condoms. He said that way Beth sees that wrapper.
Howard said he wished that he used the Magnums but he figured that he would be floating around in them. Artie said that he'd love to just order them one day just to know what that feels like. Howard said that he could probably make some good money if he had a condom that was disguised as a giant condom but it was just a regular size. Howard said that they'd have to kill off any women that found out that those condoms were regular sized.
Howard said that the one guy there that does wear Magnums is Jason Kaplan. He has to wear them because of his girth. Howard said that he wants to see Jason's penis now that he's found that out.
Jason came in and said that he can fit into a regular condom but it's not comfortable. He said that he's very small when he's not engorged but he gets pretty big when he's worked up. Jason said that he doesn't have a lot of length. He said that the condom is all bunched up on the bottom when he puts those Magnums on. Howard said that he unrolls the whole condom to the base of his penis when he's got one on.
Howard said that it sounds like Jason has a penis the size of a tuna can or something. Howard said that's good for Jason.
Howard said that he's back to buying Trojan condoms. He was getting Durex for a while but now he's back to Trojan for some reason. He said that Durex changed something and he likes the Trojan's. He said that his assistant buys them for him now. He said he doesn't buy them himself. Artie said he should do that with his assistant too. He said that's a great move.
Bobo asked how many condoms Howard goes through a month. Howard said he's not sure but it's quite a few. He said that he's like a sex addict or something.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he keeps Magnums in his bathroom just to impress the chicks. He said he keeps one or two in there just so they see them and expect him to be big.
A caller told Artie that he's going to melt over in Iraq when he's there. The guy told him what his trip was like and how hot it was.
The guys talked about the weather over in Afghanistan because Artie could be sent over there instead of Iraq. Artie has no choice in that. Howard said that the temperatures range from -10 degrees to 110. Robin read about the Iraq weather which was blowing dust and 102 degrees.
Howard said he had to take a break but the caller said that he wanted to tell a quick story. He laughed at one point and Howard told him that he really has to quit smoking. He said that he sounds like he's got some stuff going on in those lungs. That led to Fred playing clips of Henry Hill laughing that made the caller laugh even more. Then Artie got in on it and started laughing too. The caller said that he's smoking about 3 packs a day.
Then Fred started to play some of Henry Hill's coughing laughs with the caller laughing in the background. Howard said that they should do dueling laughs with Henry Hill and the caller. The caller was cracking up and laughing constantly so it was an easy thing to do. Artie was laughing his ass off at the guy on the phone. He said that they should play his call as an advertisement for SIRIUS. The caller asked them to stop because he wasn't able to stop laughing.
Fred tried to do the dueling coughs but Howard had to cut him off so he could go to break. The caller was still laughing so Artie told him to call back sometime because he was a good caller. Artie was making him laugh even more with his Henry Hill impressions. The guy would start cracking up which made everyone laugh and then Fred would throw in some more Henry Hill coughing and laughing clips. The caller started doing an impression of Henry which made Artie laugh too.
Artie said he's going to call that guy on vacation just so he can hear that guy laugh. Howard had to got to break after that.
Howard had some new Baba Booey song parody contest entries to play. He had one that was to the tune of the Flintstone's theme song. He said it was pretty good and he liked it. The same guy sent in one to the tune of the Benny Hill theme song. Howard said that you can enter as many times as you want to. You can find more details at Sirius.com/howardstern.
Howard said that same guy sent in one about Sal and his wife to the tune of the ''Friends'' theme song. He played that one and it was called ''Sal's Wife Cheats On Him (With the Emotional Friend).'' Howard started singing along with that one and said that it was very catchy. Howard said that they should have a TV show called Emotional Friends.
Eric said that he wanted to talk to them about the way they treated him last week. Howard said that he doesn't even remember last week. Eric told Howard that he's not even good every morning. Howard said that he is pretty good every morning, he's the most successful radio guy out there so that argument isn't going to work.
Eric told Artie that at least if he goes on TV he doesn't go on wearing a dirty shirt. Howard asked Eric if he had anything important to say this morning because he had to get to Chuck Zito. Eric said that he was just pissed that they treated him the way they did last week.
Artie said that they were once again treated to the SS Boredom. Eric tried to talk more about the Jimmy Kimmel story last week but Howard treated him like shit. Howard said that he had heard about that from Jimmy but the story was very long and boring.
Eric said that the problem between he and Jimmy was caused by Howard. Eric said that Howard read the e-mail that Jimmy wrote to him about his hand and stuff and that wasn't supposed to be read on the air. Artie asked Eric if he'd prefer that Jimmy talk behind his back. Eric said that he doesn't appreciate that either. Artie told Eric that he's a phony who sucks the Hollywood cock because he should still be mad at Jimmy for writing that stuff.
Howard said that he was trying to show Eric that Jimmy isn't really his friend when he read that. He was trying to make sure that Jimmy and Eric didn't get too close because he was jealous. Eric said that's what he thought was going on.
Howard told Eric he had to go so Artie started telling him ''Bye!'' and cutting him off calling him an asshole and stuff like that. Eric was calling him an asshole so he had to fight back. Howard told Eric to call back tomorrow and they'll talk again. He had to get to Chuck Zito.
Howard talked to Chuck about what he was doing in the movie and found out he was doing some stunts for this show. Chuck told him about one stunt thing he did one time where he had to fall down some stairs. On the second take he said he split his head open.
Chuck said that he gets calls from stunt coordinators who will get him jobs on movies and shows like that. He said that he gets paid more for harder stunts that he does. Chuck said that he was thrown off a 28 story balcony one time but he was wired up so he didn't fall more than 10 feet or so.
Howard said that's still pretty dangerous because you don't know if the cable was done right to take the fall. Chuck said that they're all about safety on those movies. He said that he's never turned down a stunt because he thought it was too dangerous.
Howard said that if it was back in cave man days Chuck would rule the world. He said that he's such a tough guy that he'd just take control and rule the world.
Robin said that Chuck had a new tattoo on his shoulder that she just noticed. Chuck said that was for his 8 year old niece who has cancer. He said that he did that just for her. He said that she had a brain tumor at 7 years old and now she can't talk or walk after having the tumor removed. He said that it really hurts him to see stuff like that. He said he'd change places with her in a second if he could.
Howard and Chuck talked about the tattoo and how long it took to get it done. Chuck said that it was 20 hours worth of work. He said that was a few sittings, not just one 20 hour sitting. Chuck said that those tattoos really still hurt even after getting a bunch. He said that he knows that Sylvester Stallone once sat through 10 hours of tattooing at one time. He said that's pretty tough. Howard said that the longest he ever sat for a tattoo was a couple of hours.
Howard said that there was a guy who claimed that Chuck was a ''punch mugged terrible actor'' in a news article. Chuck said that Page Six called him and told him about that comment that was made by this guy Arthur Nascarella and he found that very hard to believe. He thinks that someone was just trying to start some shit with him.
Howard said that someone was telling him that Chuck thought his outfit was kind of strange last week. He said that he told the guy that even if it was strange, Chuck would make it look normal. Howard said he straightened that guy out.
Howard said that Chuck really knows how to be a man and he's always very respectful. He said that Chuck could just come by and steal a girl from him but he's not like that.
Chuck told a story about going out to Vegas with a girl. He went to a fight out there and this chick was texting people while they were in the limo. He said she continued texting people at the fight. He said they went to dinner and she started texting during dinner. Howard figured that she was just bragging to people that she was out with Chuck.
Chuck said that the girl went out to smoke but she didn't come back for like 15 minutes. He went out to find her and she was out talking to some big dude out by the fountain at Caesars. He said that he asked the guy if he lost something. The guy said no so he told him to get the fuck out of there before he punched him out. He said the girl got upset with him getting so upset because the guy just thought she was single out there smoking. Chuck said that the guy claimed that he wasn't even talking to her. He said he just wanted her to stay with him that night but she wanted to go out with her friends so he told her to get the fuck out too.
Howard said she had a similar incident when a guy started talking to a girl he was with. He ended up buying them drinks instead though. He said he bought them drinks and left.
Howard asked Chuck if he can drop his name and tell guys that he's going to knock them out for him. Chuck said that's fine.
Howard said that Chuck was right to walk away from that chick after she did that to him. Chuck said that he met her at a Rambo event that he was at.
Howard asked Chuck if he has ever banged Pam Anderson. Chuck said that he never has. He said that he has kissed and cuddled with her a little bit but that was it. He said they did that at a New Year's Eve party. They're really just friends. He said that she calls him whenever she's in town. Howard said that she calls him too.
Chuck has a bunch of stuff that he's selling on his web site so he got in a bunch of plugs for that stuff. You can find out more at ChuckZito.com
Gary came in and told Howard a story about Chuck going to Doug Goodstein's place one time to go to a party. When he was leaving it was kind of late and Chuck's motorcycle was kind of loud. This woman came out and started yelling at him and threatened to have her husband come out to take care of him. The husband came out and said that he was sorry for what his wife had said, she didn't know what she was talking about.
Howard took some phone calls for Chuck and let some guys talk to him. One guy said that he's had women treat him like they treated Chuck and he feels like slapping them around. Chuck said that he never slaps women around. The caller asked what he'd do if a woman pulled a knife on him. Chuck didn't get to answer.
Robin talked about how Jerry O'Connell told a story about Rebecca Romijn punching him in the neck and just about knocking him out. Chuck said that he'd just laugh at a woman who did that to him.
Howard asked Chuck about getting into some ultimate fighting stuff. Chuck said that he's looking for a big payday to do something like that but he does have some interest in doing it so it might happen. He said that he thinks that he could take out the guys that are half his age, even Tito Ortiz who is a good friend of his.
Chuck said that in the past there were no rules for the fights but now they do have a few rules so they can legitimize the fights. The guys spent some time talking about the stuff you can do in the fights and how they've come out with some rules that have made the fights kind of boring. Chuck said that you can't step on people's heads or stuff like that anymore.
Howard asked Chuck about getting laid and why he hasn't gotten married again. Chuck said that he had been married for 30 years and he had enough of that. He said that the last chick he banged was a chick he met at Scores. He said that she went to hug him after they banged and he told her to get off of him and stay on the other side of the bed. He said that he had enough of her that night and he was done.
Chuck said that the chick was only 18 years old and his sister was asking him what kind of conversation he could have with an 18 year old. Chuck said he told her that he's not having conversations with these chicks.
Chuck looked over at Benjy and saw he was bleeding and said ''I didn't do that.'' That led to Chuck talking about how Ivy Supersonic had called him the other day asking him to beat someone up for her. He said that he told her to call Benjy instead. Howard said that he was reading about Ivy in the paper today and it looks like she might be in big trouble. Benjy said that she went to jail on Friday but she's out now. He said there's more of a story there but when he asked if Howard wanted to hear it, Howard just moved on to talk to Chuck about some other things.
Howard asked Chuck about going to a Japanese jail one time. Chuck said he was kept in that jail over there for four months waiting to be extradited. He said that it was worse in that jail than the worst prison there in the United States. He said he didn't have it so bad because he was locked down from the rest of the other people.
Chuck said that they're very strict over there and make people walk in single file and don't allow them to talk to anyone. Howard asked him why he wasn't allowed into the regular population. He said that's just the rules there. He said that they might not want the foreigners mixing in with the rest of the prisoners. He said that he was locked in the cell for 23 hours a day and let out into a cage outside for an hour a day. The other guys were there calling him Rocky when they'd see him outside.
Howard asked Chuck about banging 3 girls in a 4 hour span. Chuck said that he did but that saying ''What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas'' is bullshit. He said that he had picked up one girl there and banged her. Then he went to see Carson Daly do a show there and met another chick on his way there. She was a working girl but he got to bang her for free. Howard said that's quite a compliment when a girl offers to do something like that. Howard asked him if he gave her a tip at least. Chuck joked that he gave her a tip... the tip of his dick.
Howard talked to Chuck about using Viagra. He said he doesn't need it but he has tried it just to see how it works.
Howard said that Chuck was arrested once for refusing to take his jacket off. Chuck said that it was his Hell's Angels jacket. He was up at the Foxwoods Casino and he was there signing autographs and stuff. He said that he was going to see a show up there and when he went to go into the show they told him he had to take the jacket off. He refused to do that so they told him to leave. He refused to leave so the guy called security and they sent over a bunch of State Police who told him that he had to take the jacket off. He was going to see a boxing match so he didn't know why they thought his jacket was going to insight violence. Chuck said they arrested him for that.
Chuck told Howard that he was on the phone with his lawyer talking to him about what was going on and when he refused to leave, the cops arrested him. Chuck said that he doesn't wear any Hell's Angels stuff anymore because he's out of the group. He said that all of the stuff had to go back to the club and he knew that was going to happen. He said that he can still go back and visit the club though.
chuck said that he got rid of his motorcycle and got a 68 Dodge Charger instead. He said he's into cars now. He said that Evan Metropolis is a friend of his and he went over to his house the other day. He said that they took an elevator down to the garage that they have at his house. He said that he's got a huge collection of nice cars there. He said that he's got a bunch of old, unrestored, classic cars that look brand new.
Howard gave Chuck a plug for his show which is on Howard 101 tonight at 7pm. Chuck said that he has a co-host with him by the name of Frank. The other guy he had on that he couldn't name got busted and then got out of jail again but he still can't mention his name.
chuck said he's not sure why they haven't had him on lately. Howard said that he thinks Tim was upset with him for not helping him lose weight. Chuck said that Tim told him to ask Howard to put him back on so he had to go to him. Howard said he thinks that Chuck should be on every week. He has no problem with that.
Artie asked Chuck to tell a story tonight where he's fucking a chick while beating up a guy. Howard asked Chuck if he's ever come close to something like that. Chuck said that he never has because no guy is going to come into his room when he's banging a chick.
Chuck told a story about going out to a club with a couple of Penthouse Pets one night. He said that he went to the bathroom and when he came back this guy was talking to one of the girls. He figured she knew him but then she asked the guy to leave because he was bothering her. Chuck said that he ended up punching that guy out when he wouldn't leave. He said that's the kind of guys that are out in L.A. and they're very disrespectful.
Chuck told some more stories and then asked if he was going to be invited to his wedding. Howard told chuck that he can't do any better than Beth so he has to marry her.
Howard asked Chuck if he wears Magnum condoms. Chuck said ''Condoms?'' and said that he doesn't wear them. He said that he pulls out. He said that some girls insist that he wear them but he'll just punch a hole in the condom if they make him wear one. He said that he's been lucky so far and hasn't gotten anyone pregnant.
Howard told Chuck that he wears a condom with Beth so chuck asked ''what's wrong with this guy?'' He said that he should just pull out. Howard asked where he drops his load. Chuck said that he doesn't know where it goes, he doesn't care. He'll spray all over the broad. He said that some girls will ask him to watch out for their hair like they don't want to end up like Cameron Diaz in ''Something About Mary.''
Howard wrapped up with Chuck a short time later and gave him some plugs for the second book he's working on and for his web site and stuff like that.
Chuck talked about how he was told to go to anger management after he and his wife were having some problems. He refused to go. He said that his wife was cheating on him and he got upset about that. He said that he can't imagine another guy's cock going into his wife so he kind of flipped out. He said the shrink was kind of intimidated by him as well but then she took him out of the office and started introducing him to people. He said he was trying to be incognito but she was telling everyone where he was. That was the end of his therapy.
Howard wrapped up with chuck after he got in a plug for a car show out in Hicksville, New York. Howard gave him some more plugs and went to break.
Will the Farter came in a short time later. Howard said that Will has a web site where he sells his underwear to gay guys. He said that Will swears that he's not gay though. He's getting married to a chick soon and she's there with him today. Howard said that Will talks dirty to guys and does whatever they ask him to do on camera. Will said that he can make good money doing that. He said he gets paid like $400 to $1000 to do stuff for those guys.
Howard said that Will must be a good looking dude if he gets that kind of money. Robin said that he's really not a good looking guy to her. Will thanked her for that.
Howard asked Will if he farts into the camera for these gay guys. Will said that he does. He doesn't have to see the guys he's doing it for though. He said that he hears the guys getting off sometimes and it makes him laugh. He said that they'll ask to be called a piece of shit and they'll get off on that.
Howard asked Will how this whole painting thing came about. Will said his buddy came up with the idea and he gave it a try. He said that he puts paint in his ass and sprays it on the canvas. Kind of like a Salvador Dali painting. Artie said that he's a ''Fartist.''
Will said that he was going to do some painting this morning. He said that he'll pour some paint in his ass and then he'll squirt it out and it'll spray all over the canvas. Howard had Will do his thing. He went right into it and started sucking air into his ass to do the farting thing. He let out a couple of really juicy sounding farts that blasted out some yellow paint first. He changed colors and put some orange into his ass to squirt that out.
Howard asked Will how he did this with his underwear on. Will just blasted out a couple more wet farts. Artie said that he was going to have to throw out another lunch because of that. Will did some more farts that were even more wet sounding so Howard started to laugh his ass off. He told Will that he's got really ugly feet and he can't imagine that gay guys are beating off to his feet.
Will Murray said that he just slipped in Will's paint. He was all freaked out by that. Will the Farter blasted out some purple paint after that. Artie asked what they were watching there. Howard told him that they were watching farts. Will was gurgling out of his ass and grossing Artie out.
Howard asked Will if he had any control over what came out. Will said that he really didn't and he was exhausted already. Howard told Robin that her coffee enemas might be art.
Will picked up the painting and showed it to everyone. Howard said he kind of liked it. Artie said it looked like someone farted out an M&M Blizzard.
Howard asked the guys to bring in Will's girlfriend Erica. He talked to her about the upcoming wedding, which is happening later this month. Erica said that her parents don't know what he does for a living. She said that her sister does.
Howard asked Erica if she thinks that this is a good plan for Will's future and if they were going to have kids. Will said that they are not going to have kids. Howard asked Erica if she ever wonders why she fell in love with a farter. She said that she does but she also loves Will.
Howard said that Will the Farter was trying to spray Will Murray with paint. He was blasting out a few farts and trying to hit Will with them. Howard had Will blast out some more paint and he let out some big ones that sounded very wet.
Howard said that Will was going crazy. He went through a few more farts and then Gary came in and asked Erica what she thought about Will's short lived porn career. Erica said that she wasn't too thrilled with it but it's not a big deal. Will said that it was the biggest mistake he ever made.
Howard started to wrap up but Will asked if he could blast out a fart on his megaphone. He had his own with him so Howard told him to go for it. Will blasted out a bunch of farts over the megaphone and had Howard and Artie laughing. Howard asked how he came up with that idea. Will said that he saw the megaphone on the internet and had to have it.
Howard asked Erica if she was there when he came up with that idea. Erica said that he came home and tested it out on her. She said that he usually does it in the basement coming up with some creative ideas. She said that he worked on that one for about a day and then came up and told her to come down and listen to what he had going on.
Will was blasting away through the megaphone while Howard was talking to Erica. He said that's something else. He asked Erica if her parents would beg her to call off the wedding if they knew what he really did. She said that they probably would. She said that they already ask her what she sees in him and they don't know what he does. She said that he makes her laugh and that's the most important thing. Howard gave Will some more plugs and let the two of them go a short time later.
Howard said he has to explain to Big Foot that it's not a person. Artie said that he can't wait to hear him do that.
Ralph said that he had to talk to Fred about how great Fred was last week when he was hitting the buzzer on Big Foot before he'd even get an answer out. Fred said he knew that he wasn't going to get out any answers.
Howard let Ralph go and said that he had some other stuff to get into but he wasn't sure he had time. He said that the band Journey just found some new guy to do the lead singing on their tour and the guy they have is a Philippino guy who can barely speak English. Howard said that when the guy sings he sounds really good but he can barely speak the language. He read that the guy was discovered online.
Howard played a news clip where they talked about the band finding the singer and how that all came about. They had an interview with the singer where he was talking and screwing up the language. The news reporter talked about how this guy's family was broke after his mother passed away. He was living in a park and selling scrap metal to make money.
Howard said that growing up homeless in the Philippines must be a horror show. He said he was reading something fascinating about the internet the other day. He said that there is some space on the TV bands and they could stream internet and TV over these open bands at speeds that would be super fast. He said that he was reading that Google is fighting for it but no one wants it to be allowed. He said that the big companies are fighting to keep it from happening because it would fuck up their business.
Artie said that he was talking to a guy who won an auction to go to lunch with him last Thursday and this guy listens to SIRIUS on his iPod and stuff like that. He said that they could just make all of these things work together.
Ralph called in again and said that he just tuned in and heard Robin with the stuffy nose. He asked if it was a healthy cold like she said last week. Robin said that she never called it a healthy cold but Howard said that she did do that last week. Robin said she probably just made something up.
Howard told Robin that she might be losing too many electrolytes in those enema sessions. Robin said that she gets plenty of electrolytes.
The guys ended up bringing up Artie's trip to Iraq and how horrible that's going to be for him. Artie said that he may just end up in a puddle like Frosty the Snowman if he doesn't have some air conditioning over there.
Steve said that Artie almost missed his show in Chicago over the weekend. Artie said that it was a nightmare. He said that his agent told him that he had a couple of gigs for him this weekend and he sent him to Chicago and then back to Baltimore.
Artie said that they landed in Indianapolis and asked the Stewardess to please ask if they were going to be able to fly or not. He said that he had never missed a gig in his life and this would have been the first time. He said that he made it there just in time to do the show.
Artie said that he had to travel an hour and 45 minutes from the airport to get to the gig. He said that he had to shower before the gig. He ended up wearing his socks into the shower because he was skeeved out by it. He said that he heard that Anne Murray was in the same shower just a week before. He thought that was pretty funny.
Steve said that they have a story about Jeff the Drunk demanding $750 to make an appearance at his bar and the bar owner turning it down.
Steve had another story about Jim Florentine shooting a pilot for VH-1 with is buddy Don Jamieson. That led to Howard talking about a prank that was pulled on Chris Rock down in South Africa. They ended up pulling this joke on him that caused some controversy in the courts down there. Robin said that someone should go to jail for doing something like that to Chris.
Steve got in some plugs for the shows that are airing on Howard 101 today. The Miserable Men guys are going to be filling in for Scott Ferrall tonight. Chuck Zito and Greg Fitzsimmons both have their shows on tonight as well.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview and ran down the many things they were going to try to cover today.
Ivy said that her lawyer told her to go to the police herself but this other lawyer went with her instead. She said that they were very nice to her but she was taken to jail and there was one woman who kept pissing on herself and she made sure to reinstate her medical insurance before she went. She said that the woman pissing on herself had AIDS. She said that other people were going to end up laying on that piss and stuff.
Howard asked Ivy what she's charged with. Ivy said that she didn't even know. She said that she has two cases coming up this Wednesday.
Howard cut Ivy off and said that he had to get to Robin's news. Ivy thanked him for getting this lawyer for her because it probably saved her life. Howard said that Ivy is in a bit of a situation and hopefully they'll know where it's at.
Ralph called in and said he loves Ivy but she's always getting into trouble and maybe jail would do her good. He said that she's a trouble maker and she's always up to something. Ivy said that she's not a criminal and jail is for criminals. Ivy said that she doesn't hurt people. Howard thanked Ivy and Ivy thanked him for helping her. He let her go a short time later.
Howard said that they have a new series starting up called ''Wack Pack Bowling.'' That will start shooting soon. Howard said that they'll have a bunch of Wack Packers in that. They'll also have the Wack Pack at the Christy's.
Artie was saying that a friend of his wants to get into the Joey Boots and High Pitch Eric ''Crap-a-thon'' special. Howard said that the challenge has been laid down but they don't have it set up yet. Artie said that this guy claims that he clogs his toilet up a few times a week and has had to go outside and shit because of that. Howard said that they may have to give that guy a development deal.
Howard had Robin start her news after that. She started out with a story about a possible actor's strike starting soon.
Gary told Howard that the number one most searched name on Google this morning so far has been Chuck Zito. Howard said that if the merger happens this show is going to be even more powerful. He said that they're already doing that with Google and they're only going to get more popular.
Artie mentioned that he has been texting with Jillian Grace lately. He said that she's apparently worried about his health and stuff so she's been e-mailing about that. He said that he hasn't heard anything about her baby or anything lately. Artie said that she's the one who has been telling him that he might have thyroid problems. Howard told Artie that he's out of his mind and he shouldn't be paying attention to a Playboy Playmate.
Howard told Artie to ask Jillian if she's had her baby yet. He told him to tell her that Howard is worried about her and her baby and he's curious to know if she's had it yet. Artie said that he'd do that and let him know what she says.
Artie was working on the text and said that he doesn't know how to type. Howard told him he should take a class. Artie said that he was taking typing in school but his father told him that if he failed out of it, it wouldn't be a big deal because ''that's for broads.'' Howard said he had to take a break a short time later, around 10:05am.
After the break Howard read an article that Jeff Jarvis wrote about those ''white spaces'' that he was talking about earlier. He said that Jarvis was talking about how Google is trying to get that white space turned into public data transmission space but other companies are trying to block it. Howard said that he thinks that it sounds really cool to him. He said that he loves the internet now because he can get in his car and drive around and get on the internet. Robin said that the internet is so widespread right now that you can drive around and get on people's internet. Howard said that people are supposed to put up a firewall so people can't do that.
Robin got back to her news and talked about a video that was on the web showing a 78 year old man who was struck down by a hit and run driver. Howard said he saw that video. They spent a minute talking about how no one was helping the guy as he laid in the street dying.
Robin read through some more stories and then Howard read some e-mail. Howard had some feedback about Mary McCormack's appearance last week. One guy was talking about how hot she was and how great the interview went. The guy mentioned Artie's ''Ham Hands Bill'' impression so Artie talked about how the people in Baltimore were asking him to do that impression for him the other night. Howard also had Fred replay the ''Bill and Gina'' porn clip that they played during Mary's interview.
Robin got back to her news and read stories about the average American not being able to own a home and live the American dream and the average prices of gasoline hitting $4 a gallon.
Artie said he got a response from Jillian Grace but he wanted Howard to read it and decide if he wanted to talk about it. Howard read the text but it was vague and he didn't want to say anything about it. They dropped the subject a short time later.
Robin read more about the gas prices and had some clips where people were talking about fuel prices going up as high as $5 a gallon before the end of summer. She also had a clip of President Bush talking about how the Pentagon is close to running out of money. They had some audio of Hillary Clinton announcing that she's dropping out of the race and putting her support behind Barack Obama. Robin had some news about Jim McKay dying. She had some audio of Jim doing his thing on ABC's Wide World Of Sports.
Robin read a story about a young boy who drowned in his bed after going swimming in something called ''dry drowning.'' She gave the details of what happens there and what parents should look for.
Robin read some news about the ''Kung Fu Panda'' movie and how that did at the box office this weekend. The guys talked about that for a short time. She also talked about the new Adam Sandler movie and played some clips of the stars of the movie talking about that. They ended the show a short time later, around 10:40am.
Gary said that he's tried to avoid that stuff lately because he's so grossed out by it. He just lets the other guys handle that now.
Jon played a clip of Will the Farter doing his thing and gurgling out some of those nasty paint farts. That led to the guys talking about what it looked like while it was going on. Will was saying that it was like a geyser when he'd fart it out.
Gary said that Will has to talk to the guests like that so he wondered what kind of conversation he has. Will said that they know each other pretty well and they get right into that stuff. He said he'll just ask about the selling of his underwear and stuff like that.
Jon asked if the painting was up to the standards of a Jackson Pollock. Will said that the paint he uses doesn't stick very well so it's not very strong. He said that at first it looked like a sunset until he blasted the purple on and it looked like diarrhea.
Gary said that the farts still make him laugh and that will never get old to him. They spent a minute on that and then took some phone calls.
One caller said that they should try to get Will to blow some bubbles with his ass. Gary said that he thinks that might be too visual. He said that today you could hear him painting and it made you think about what he was doing.
A caller asked if Will the Farter is in the Wack Pack. The guys said that he's close to being in it but they weren't sure. The caller said that he was profiled as a Wack Packer on one of their specials so maybe he is. Will was saying that he thinks that Will the Farter might be slightly retarded.
Another caller told the guys that he almost crashed his car because he was laughing so hard at the segment. will said he thinks that must be what one of Robin's enema's must sound like. Gary said that he'd like to get one of those sessions recorded so they could hear.
Gary and the guys talked about some of the other farters they've had on the show like Dan the Farter. Dan ended up shitting on the floor two different times so Gary said that he can't even look at him anymore.
A caller said that he was listening as he was getting ready for work and he heard that gurgling and it was absolutely disgusting. He said he was going to throw up but he was laughing hysterically at it. Will said that it was really horrible smelling in there this morning.
Shuli came in with some audio of Richard Christy laughing his ass off at the farting in his office. Richard was going nuts laughing his ass off in his studio. Gary said that Richard's laugh sounds like De Niro in ''Cape Fear.''
A caller claims that he had to change the channel because the sounds were so disgusting. Gary said that it was very vivid for radio.
That led to the guys asking Benjy how he cut his lip this morning. Benjy said that he cut his lip when he felt some fuzz on the bottom of his lip. He said that it bled for hours and hours. He said that it got cut at about 4 this morning and it was still bleeding at 6 when he got there. Benjy said he thought he was fine until he was on his way to work. Then it started to bleed again. Benjy had Vaseline on his lip at that point so the guys talked about that.
Jon took a call from a guy who reminded Gary that Arthur Fartowski was the name he was looking for earlier when he was talking about one of the farters they had on years ago.
Another caller told Benjy that certain medications could cause that bleeding problem that Benjy had. Benjy said that he's not on anything though.
Benjy talked about Artie's texts with Jillian Grace. They went over how that all got started. Jon took another call from a guy who asked Will what smells worse, Gary's breath or Will the Farter's farts. Will said that Will the Farter's farts are probably worse. He said that Buck Angel squirting on the Sybian was one of the worst smells he's ever had in the studio.
A caller told the guys that today's show was the best show he's heard in a long time. He said that he was laughing and almost puking as that was going on. He also asked where Wendy the Retard has been. Gary said that's a good question because he knows that she's been calling Jason lately after the show. She might be sleeping during Howard's show.
Another caller brought up Will the Farter and said that's some funny shit when Howard is gagging and laughing while Will is farting. Gary said that he finds it funny that someone with a talent like that can't turn that into money. Will said that Will the Farter is making money. He farts on video and does that stuff for gay guys.
Benjy wondered if he could make money doing stuff for gay guys like Will the Farter is doing. Gary said that Shuli was going around asking the guys if they'd let guys jerk off for money while looking at their ass. Benjy said that he'd probably do it because who gives a fuck. Gary was asking Benjy about doing a bunch of stuff for gay guys and Benjy joked that he thought Gary was asking him as if he really wanted him to do it.
A caller brought up Howard's condom wearing and said that he thinks that it's him being germ phobic that makes him do it. Gary doesn't think that's the case. He said that if Howard is germ phobic with his fiancee then he's got serious problems.
Jon took some more calls from some guys who were talking about he condom thing. There were more people who were thinking that it is a germ phobic thing.
Benjy said that he gave Gary some condoms that he finds to be the most comfortable. Gary said that he's not sure he can trust them. Benjy said that they're polyurethane condoms and they're so much more comfortable than latex. They had to go to break a short time later.
Benjy said he liked the story he told about punching the guy out when he hit on one of the Penthouse pets he was with.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he went out to meet Chuck at Scores one night and hung out with him and he was a really nice guy. Gary said that he really is a nice guy. That made some of the guys in the studio laugh but Gary said that he really thinks he is a nice guy.
Will said that he tries to phrase things that won't upset Mr. Zito when he asks him questions. Benjy said that he was worried when he just told that story that he said it wrong.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he thinks that Chuck is a flaming faggot. He said that he'd say it to Chuck's face too. He said he won't be a little bitch and back down like Benjy did a couple of months ago. Gary told the guy that they had his phone number on caller ID and they could give it to Chuck. The caller didn't care and said that he has no problem saying that right to his face.
Another caller said that last week Sal was talking about bouncing a check because Artie hadn't paid him on time and Artie is the one who has complained about not getting paid right away at shows. Teddy said that Artie has a new program where his corporation has to pay out the comedian's and it takes a little time. The guys talked about the time Artie got pissed off at Dice and how he was expecting money that night he did the show with Dice. Jon said that they'll have to ask Artie and Sal when they're there sometime.
Jon took another call from a guy who was saying that he thinks that the show has been great over the years and it's to the point when it's almost perfect, except when Ralph calls in. Gary and Will said they don't agree with that at all.
The guys talked about Ivy Supersonic's call and how rough Ralph was on her. Benjy said that he thinks that Ivy might do okay in jail but he doesn't want her to go. Gary said that he doesn't have that much compassion for Ivy anymore. He said that she seems to have slipped out of reality and she might not be in her right mind. He said that she's really all over the place and she can't even complete a sentence.
Benjy said that Ivy didn't explain how both of her cases are going to trial on Wednesday. She's got one about putting some stuff on someone's door. She's got some financial stuff going with that case as well. Gary said he thought that there was some feces on that door too but Benjy didn't know about that. Benjy said that Ivy doesn't mess with people unless she thinks that they've wronged her.
Ralph called in and said that he wanted to talk to the caller who was bad mouthing him. The two of them talked about Ivy a little bit. Ralph said that Ivy is kind of nuts and going to jail might do her some good. He said that it might not be such a bad idea because it might calm her down. Benjy said that he can see that helping her out in some strange way but he doesn't wish that she'd go.
Ralph was also talking about how Ivy is always asking for money and that's not cool either. Will said that she was never part of the show until she needed all of this stuff.
Shuli was saying that going to jail is kind of harsh for someone and maybe suggesting that she get into the Military would be better for her to get her structure from.
The caller said that he thinks that they're flooding the market with Chuck Zito and he's just not buying it. He said that Chuck is on the show a little too much for him. Chuck said that he hasn't been on for at least 2 months. Will said that it's at least that long and he had some new stories to tell this morning. Gary said that they wanted Chuck on as a guest today. It wasn't like they were forced to take him in.
Shuli told a story about Chuck spotting a guy who had called him a pussy in the crowd at an event he was at. Chuck managed to find the guy and asked him to say it to his face but the guy pretended that it wasn't him and backed down.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that chuck isn't all that scary and the guys there acting all scared isn't cool. He said that there are plenty of other guys out there who are just as big and intimidating as Chuck is. The caller said that he respects guys who are out with women and he'd never challenge Chuck out at a bar or anything. He said that there's no reason to walk around acting like a tough guy. Chuck said that he doesn't do that, he just treats people the way he wants to be treated.
Gary said that he doesn't get this code of man that Chuck and other guys live by. He talked about the time that AJ Benza had to take a beating from Chuck for something he wrote about him. He said that he didn't know that he had to live by that code.
Another caller said that he was an up and coming MMA fighter and wanted to know if Chuck wanted to spar with him. Chuck said he's trying to get down to 205 pounds. Chuck said that he's got a lot of guys who he spars with but he might do something with this guy.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Chuck if he thinks that he's an A, B or C celebrity. Chuck said that he's not sure but he knows that he's not an A-lister.
Another caller asked where this fear of Chuck came from. He asked if Howard plays it up a little bit or if it's something that he's really afraid of. The caller asked Chuck how old he is. Chuck said that he's actually 55 now. The caller said that he'd love to see Chuck fight and wants to see him fight. Chuck said that he's working on it and it's getting closer to happening.
Ralph called in and told his favorite story about Chuck Zito. He said that he was out at Scores one night and some guy punched him at the bar. He went to the bathroom and Chuck was in there. Chuck walked out of the bathroom and everyone thought that it was Chuck who had beaten him up. Chuck said that he's never hit a drunk guy in his whole life. Benjy told Chuck that he's always drunk then.
Ralph said that Chuck has massive hands and even those are scary when you meet him. Jon let Ralph go after that and took some more calls.
One guy called in and said that Chuck reminds him of a pit bull that will only bite you if you piss him off. He was also saying that they have names for those guys who call in and go off on Chuck on the phone. He said that if they're on the CB radio. Benjy said that back in the 1800s they had a name for them and they were ''Morse code Meanies.''
Another caller brought up Tito Ortiz again and that led to Chuck talking about how he and Tito are friends. The guys asked him if he's ever been beaten. Chuck said that he has but he's been in a lot of fights.
Will said that he wanted to know how long it would take him to beat the crap out of everyone in the room. Chuck said that he doesn't put anyone down so he's not going to say. Chuck said that it only takes one punch to change a fight.
Benjy asked Chuck how many women he's been with. Chuck said he doesn't keep count. He said that he could count on one hand how many he had been with... this week.
Jon took some more calls and let some callers ask Chuck a couple more questions. One guy talked about Chuck's run in with Henry Hill out in Vegas that time. The caller said that he had just walked in when that went down and saw Chuck threatening Henry after Henry called him some names.
Jon had to end the show a short time later. The guys got in their plugs before they ended the show. They all got in their plugs but also threw in some plugs for ChuckZito.com.
Howard started off the show saying that he didn't know where to begin this morning because he had so many things to talk about. He said he was going to start with a story about Richard and Sal who were obsessed with the Will the Farter sound clips from when he was farting.
Robin came in so Howard asked to hear her voice. Robin sounded sick but she insists that she's not sick. She said she knows that there's something going on but she doesn't feel sick at all. Robin said that she was drinking hot water this morning to clear up her voice. Howard said he was glad she was there at least. Artie would have called in sick. Artie told Robin that he's going to write her up a diet.
Howard said that Sal and Richard became obsessed with those fart sounds that Will the Farter was making yesterday. They took the clips and made some phony phone calls. They came up with an idea to do a Jack and Rod show bit with an author of a book about Chinese medicine. They used the clips as if they were someone speaking through a cancer kazoo. They had the clips speaking to the author and she was telling ''Smokey Martling'' that he should really stop smoking. They kept the author on talking to the farting clips and she really seemed to think that it was someone speaking to her. They even had him giving her his phone number with a certain number of fart sounds.
Robin said that was amazing. Artie said that they have created their masterpiece with that bit. Howard said that the woman actually got the number right and that was Smokey Martling's phone number.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he was almost driving off the road from laughing so much at that bit.
The caller wanted to do a Fred bit since Father's day is coming up. Howard wasn't sure he wanted to do that but he went through with it anyway. They played the Fred theme song and then spoke to Fred.
Fred said that there was an HBO special about Roman Polansky that was really good and people should watch it. Artie said he saw that and it really pissed him off. Fred said that guy should have gone away for life about what he did. He said that there's some kind of weird thing where they said that he can come back to the United States and testifies but he has to do it televised. Howard heard that wasn't correct and it was false information that they gave out.
Fred said that the documentarian was trying to make people feel bad for the guy but it didn't work. He said that was his Father's day segment and told people to keep their kids away from Roman Polansky.
Fred said that Hollywood will excuse really bad behavior. He talked about some other stuff that went on in Hollywood and how people get paid off to keep stars out of trouble.
Artie said that he saw pictures of this girl who Roman raped and he had never seen them before. He said that they showed the pictures of the girl that they took that day and she looked like a 13 year old. He said that some girls look older but not that one that Roman was with.
The guys talked about the documentary and what went on in that. Fred said that it was almost like the guy was trying to reenact ''Rosemary's Baby'' with what he did to that young girl. Howard stopped Fred and said that his segment was over. He said that he wasn't even going to go there with him but he did anyway.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's so glad they went into the world of Fred. Fred asked him if he was being sarcastic. The caller said that it may have been a little too early to do that.
The caller asked about the merger and had Howard talking about the satellite merger and why he thinks that it's not a monopoly. Howard said that it's a music delivery system and there are so many out there like iPods, the internet, MP3s, satellite radio, regular radio, CDs and more.
The caller said that it's the only way to get Howard Stern though. Fred said that's like saying that you can only get American Idol on FOX so that's a monopoly. Robin asked what that guy does for a living but Howard said that she really has to gargle to clear up that throat.
Howard played a clip of Bob talking about being turned down coming on the show. He was going off on Gary for turning him down. Bob said that Artie was on his side in this whole thing. He said that he's been loyal to the show for years and he gets treated like crap. He said that it was a smack in the face for turning him down to come on for 15 minutes to promote a gig.
Howard said that the show isn't about who the guest is and ''how dare you'' for going off on them like that. He said that they gave Bob his own show there. He said that Sal and Richard always talk about the plugs that they give Bob on the show. He said that Gary is really offended by what Gary was saying.
Howard said that they might have to take Bob off of the Roast stuff. Gary said that they let Bob plug gigs on the show when he's not even there. Howard said that they'll have to stop doing that if it's upsetting the guy. He said that he's never heard a guy go so nuts about something like that.
Artie said that a plug during the show is a big deal for Bob even though he has his own show. Howard said that Bob is being a bit piggish about this and he's not being fair.
Howard said that Bob wasn't so loyal to this show because he was on the Kidd Chris show almost every day. He said that he doesn't go off on him for doing that. He thinks that he's been very loyal to Bob. Howard said that he would talk to Bob on the air but not off the air about this. Gary said that he sent Bob an e-mail about this since he knew that he was going to get yelled at.
Howard played another clip where Shuli seemed to be trying to calm Bob down and talk some sense to him but Bob was yelling about the whole thing and going off on everyone there. He said that he treats everyone in the back great.
Artie said that those guys all need each other and maybe it's a crazy time for everyone. Howard said that Bob was really getting mad at Gary though. He played more of Bob going off on Gary. Howard said that they really do give Bob a lot and he's getting upset about this even though he's got his own show there.
Howard said that they can't have a comedian on who is going to bad mouth them if they don't let him on the show. Howard would play a little bit of Bob's rant and then talk about how much they've done for him. They've allowed Bob access to stuff that other comedians don't get.
Howard said that they like Bob but they don't ask him to do anything for them. They give him plugs for stuff and his own show. They give him a daily plug for his show and he's not even sure why. Howard said that they may have to take everything away from him if this is the way he's going to act. He said that if he's feeling nice he may give him something back in a year or so.
Tim Sabean came in and said that he warned Bob not to do that rant last night. He said that people are going to misinterpret that kind of stuff. Howard said that Bob was being a little bit outrageous. Al Rosenberg got in on it and said that he was behind Bob on all of that. He said that Bob is a home run whenever he's on the show.
Howard played more of Bob going off on them for not having him on for a 15 minute segment. He said he was saving stuff for the show.
Artie said he told Bob that he should just go out and do other shows, Howard wouldn't have anything against that. Gary said that Bob is helping himself when he's helping out the guys on the show. Gary said that he's not just helping the guys on the show.
Howard played more of Bob's rant where he goofed on them for putting on a guy who keeps a napkin in his ass. Bob went off on Gary saying ''Fuck you Gary!'' Howard cut the clip off and said that was making him fucking crazy. He said that saying ''fuck Gary'' is like saying ''fuck Howard.'' Robin said that he should really talk to Bob. Howard said that Bob will probably call in 7 hours from now.
Howard said that he was going to take everything away from Bob if that's going to be his attitude. Artie said he's got to rethink that. Howard said that Bob is out of line and he's going to have to take it all away. IF the guy is going to say that to Gary then he's going to have to take it away.
Howard said that Bob has had a lot of stuff bestowed upon him because they really like him. He said that Artie seems to be playing the middle here too and he's got to pick a side. Artie said that Bob is really loyal and won't do other morning shows.
Howard took some phone calls from some guys who went off on Bob for doing what he did. One guy told him to take everything away from him because he does go on other shows. He said that he's been on some shows up in Albany that he's heard.
Howard said that Bob was a little out of line with that rant about Gary. Artie said that Bob wasn't doing that when he was on the phone with him. Artie said that he told Bob that there's a lack of communication there and he should have talked to Gary about what was going on.
Gary said that this is the biggest, dumbest thing to do because he's not calling him back this morning. He said that Bob is asleep right now after dropping that big bomb last night. He said that he should be up to talk about this.
Howard said that he thinks that Bob was a little unfair to do what he did. He said that when you give a kid everything, they don't appreciate anything. He said he likes Bob and thinks he's funny but he's not going to have Gary being called names like Bob was doing.
Artie asked if they could give anything back to Bob if he did call in. Howard said that he's not sure if he can and talked about how he doesn't get why Bob would do that to them. He said that they roll out the red carpet for Bob. He said that Jackie used to have to negotiate his contract to get those daily plugs that Bob gets.
Howard said that if Bob calls in 2 hours from now he may just tell him he's busy with other stuff. He said that the guy just isn't gracious. He said that he'd like to help Bob out but he can't if that's the way he's going to act. He thinks Bob is a little bit out of line.
Howard said that was about it for the tirade that Bob had. He took a call from a guy who said that Bob is going to have to come on and cry about this. Howard said that he's going to have to kiss Gary's feet or maybe bathe them and then kiss them. The caller said he should have to get a rusty trombone too.
Artie said that he hates to see people self destruct like that. He said he tried to help Cabbie out when he was doing that. Artie is 0-2 for helping people stop their self destruction.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that yesterday's show was awesome and he loves listening to it a couple of times a day. He said he loves when they just rip on stuff and laugh. Howard thanked him for the call and said that's why he doesn't overbook the show. He said that they have a rhythm with the show and they should accept that they have a way of doing things there.
Robin wondered how Bob approached coming on the show. Gary said that Bob said that he had some great stories to tell and he wanted to come on to do a quick appearance.
Artie said that they're taking a break from the Roasts for now and maybe that's why Bob is getting upset. Howard said that they do let Bob get in plugs for a lot of stuff on the show and he's not sure why someone would freak out like that.
Howard said that they have to take away the show from Bob and from the rest of the guys on the show as well. Howard said that they may have to give that hour to Ass Napkin Ed just to make it even worse.
Gary said that Doug is working on a Killers of Comedy Show. Howard told him to cancel it.
Bob called in so Howard put him on the line. He told Bob that he was out of line and that saying ''fuck Gary'' was like saying ''fuck Howard.'' He went on to tell Bob that they don't give plugs to anyone else, only to him because they like him.
Howard asked Bob when they ever stopped him from doing any other shows. He told Bob that the tirade was way out of line and he was pissing on all of the stuff they were doing for him. Howard said that they always give him his plugs and they don't just do that for anyone. He said that Mel Karmazin wouldn't like that they give the plugs for free.
Bob said he didn't think it was that big of a deal to get in that week he wanted to promote. Howard said that everything is a big deal to them because it's their show. He said that maybe Sal and Richard could mention the date or something. He said that they do have a balance there on the show and he's not sure he should do anything for Bob after that tirade.
Bob said that he wasn't saying ''fuck Howard'' when he was going off on Gary. He said that he was pissed off that he couldn't get in there. Howard told Bob that he gave him an hour (two hour) show and he can go on there and be funny and get people to come out and listen.
Bob said that he vented in that 10 minute rant and got it off his chest. Howard said that he thought that all of this stuff that they do for Bob was good for him and he didn't know that he would freak out like he did. Howard told Bob that he can go on any morning show he wants, he knows he has to make a living.
Howard said that he's been a friend to Bob and he's got a lot of shit on his mind. He said that he reminds him of a spoiled kid and he doesn't appreciate what they do for him. Bob said that he does though. Artie said that Bob does appreciate it. Howard said that he was out of line.
Howard said that they gave him that Miserable Men show and he can go on and be funny on there and get some plugs there. He said that he doesn't give that kind of access to anyone else. Bob is the only one who gets that kind of stuff. Robin said that Jim Florentine doesn't even get that. Howard said that Jim does get to fuck Robin though.
Johnny Fratto called in and said that Howard was being a little harsh on Bob. He said that he shouldn't have said ''fuck Gary.'' Artie said that Bob didn't mean that though. He was mad and said stuff that he didn't really mean.
Howard asked Bob why he doesn't go off on Jay Leno and David Letterman for not having him on. He asked him why he didn't go off on them. He said that Bob was trying to be loyal to the show. Bob said that he does a dirty act so he can't go on those shows. Bob said that he's really not a bad guy. Howard said that he's not being very nice to him.
Johnny Fratto said that Bob is a nice guy and he sees that. He told Howard that they flew Eric up to do some stuff and gave him a good time. Then Eric went home and wrote out a bill for stuff that he needed some money for. He said that Eric was asking for about $3,300 but after he did the math with Eric, Eric ended up owing him $200.
Artie said that he was going to take the hit for what Bob did last night because he told Bob to say what he wanted on that show last night. Howard said that he shouldn't take that hit because Bob was the one doing that whole rant. Artie said that he should have given Bob better advice than he did.
Howard said that he's going to give Bob the best lesson in his career and take all of this stuff away from him. Howard said that he wonders how much coke Bob was on. Bob said that he's off of the stuff now.
Howard asked Bob who else in show business is nice to him. He figured that he was the only one who gives him a daily plug on his show. Bob said that was a deal he made when they started doing the roasts. Howard said that the deal is over now that the roasts are gone. He said he's going to take away those plugs. Gary said that it wasn't a deal because he just said he was going to help him out back then.
Gary said that they've basically paid Bob 20 times over for doing those plugs. Howard said that they could do those roasts without Bob. Howard also asked what the story was that Bob was saving for them. Bob said he didn't want to tell it now.
Howard asked Bob for the story but Johnny asked if he could apologize and get over this because it's just his first offense. Gary said that this was actually Bob's second offense. Howard asked Johnny what his father would have done if someone went off on him. Johnny said that his father would have held his head under water. He said that one guy actually did that and they found him all shot up. The guy's name just happened to be Al Rosenberg.
Howard said that he was willing to forget this but he had to have Bob do something. Howard said that he was going to book bob on the show tomorrow for 15 minutes. In that 15 minutes he had to come in there and bathe Gary's feet in a tub of water and then say he's sorry. Bob said that he wouldn't do that. Howard said that shows he's a man and it's a good thing he turned it down.
Howard said that he's a little bit hurt. Bob said that he knows he's out of line. Bob said that he knows that he was warned not to do it. Howard said that this shows what a sap he is. He said that he's giving too much to Bob.
Sal came in and said that Bob is really infatuated and committed to the show. He said that Bob pays them to work together as a team. Howard said that Bob isn't helping them, they're helping Bob when they go on those shows with him. Sal said that the issue with Bob is this. He said that when you get hurt you say things out of jest.
Howard said that he feels like these guys are shitting on him. Sal said that Bob is always talking about the show in a positive way. Howard said that he wasn't doing that on the air last night.
Howard asked Johnny what he thinks he should do. Johnny said that Bob does have to apologize to Gary in the right way. He said that everyone there likes him and he does seem like a good guy. Johnny tried to help Bob out and told him that he really has to apologize for what he did. Bob said that he was sorry for upsetting Gary if he did that. He didn't mean to upset him. Bob said that he was sorry for what he said then. Bob said that he was tired and he didn't know what he was saying. Bob said that he had to drive home after doing that show last night and didn't get home until 3 or so. He said he was exhausted.
Johnny told Bob to tell Gary that he was really sorry. Bob tried again and said that he was sorry for upsetting him. Bob said that they know how he feels about them over there. He said that he just lost his mind last night. Howard and Johnny said that this still wasn't an apology. Johnny tried to help and was about to tell Bob how to apologize in the right way. Johnny said that he should be saying ''Gary, I'm so sorry about using those words on you, I didn't mean any of them... I was just upset and maybe it was the pills talking.''
Eric the Midget called in and wanted to defend himself against Johnny's accusations. Eric said that he had no idea if Johnny was trying to help him or not. Johnny said that he was telling everyone about the bill that Eric sent to him.
Eric said that he didn't know that he was going to have to pay for airline tickets and a hotel room. Johnny said that he didn't make Eric do that. Eric said that his friend made him pay for them. Johnny said that he never told Eric about airline tickets and Eric went around him on that. Johnny said that he sent Eric $800 to fix his car and he sued that money for airline tickets instead. Then they rented a car.
Eric said that the money was supposed to cover the rental car. He said that they would have been late if they had rented the car so they flew in instead.
Howard asked Eric why he would do that if Johnny was going to have him up there. Eric said that he was up there to do some promotion for the JFSC. Johnny said that Eric didn't have any JFSC stuff on. Bob asked if this was his punishment. Howard said he liked that Bob was getting bumped for a midget.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that if Howard lets Bob off the hook then it's going to show that he's a sap. Another guy said that this is a funeral for his career today. Another guy said that Bob is a leach and he's not funny. There were some other negative calls as well from people who thought that Bob went too far with those comments. One guy said that Bob fucked up and he has to come in and kiss some rings.
Gay Ramone called in and said that Bob should have to lick blue cheese dressing out of his ass to get back on the show. Mariann from Brooklyn called in and went off on Artie about something but Artie wasn't sure what she was listening to.
Another caller asked bob where he gets the balls to say ''fuck you'' to anyone. He told Bob that he's a nobody. The guy said that he had a guy say that to him in his own house and he slapped the guy around. Dominic Barbara called in and said that Bob has to stand up and be a man. If not there are plenty of jobs in McDonald's and Burger King. Bob said he knows because Dominic is in them all the time.
Howard said that Bob has to say something so they can save face and have a relationship with them. Johnny said that they need Bob to be part of the show.
Gary said that Bob really needs to apologize for the fuck you thing. Bob said that's just the way he talks. Howard said that the listeners don't know that. Gary said that if they were doing this off the air Bob would be a totally different person.
Gary said that he knew that Bob was going to yell at him if he had called him. Howard told him that he can't have a relationship with him if he's going to get mad when they tell him ''no.'' Bob said that he was sorry for saying that stuff when he was pissed off. Bob said that he's over it now. He told Howard to send him to nowhere land if he gets mad at him again.
Gary said that Bob wasn't being sincere. He asked Bob if he thought he was wrong last night. Bob said that he was but he was angry. Gary said that he keeps saying ''but'' and excusing what he did by using that. Howard said that Bob has never thanked him. Bob said that he thanks Howard on every show. He said that he thanks him every night for the show that they do. Howard didn't think that was the case.
Bob said that he was sorry and he gets like an idiot sometimes. He said that he realizes that he was wrong. He said that he went at Gary without thinking and he just wanted to attack. Bob said that he's never done that before. Johnny said that Gary hates him but he's never done that to him.
Johnny told Howard that it's true that his girl is pregnant again and he's going to have another kid. They spent a few seconds talking to him about that.
Howard had to break but he said he was going to let things stand as they are. He's not going to take anything away from Bob. Artie said that he would rather get punished than let Bob take it all. Howard went to break a short time later.
Howard said that Beth brought home a taste of his wedding cake and it was so good. He said he ate the whole thing. He said that Artie will love the cake, it's right up his alley. He said he was going to send some over to him because he did have some left over. Artie said he would have liked that.
Artie said that he loves getting together with Howard when he has parties and stuff. Howard said that they do have a good time and he should have had Robin handle the wedding plans for them.
Howard talked about the lame party that K-Rock threw for him when he was leaving. He said that he made them tons of money and they didn't do anything for him to thank him for the 20 years of service that he put in there.
Howard had Lisa G come in with her Howard 100 News preview. She asked who is making the cake for his wedding but Howard said he didn't want to say. Lisa got into her news preview and said that Artie got his shots for the trip he's taking to the Middle East soon. That led to the guys checking out some pictures of the doctor that gave him his shots and she was smoking hot according to the guys.
Lisa said they have a story about Gary's ''Man Cave'' that he had done for the DIY network. She was there for the presentation. She said that one of the guys from the NY Jets was there. They kept him at Gary's neighbor's house for like 6 hours while he waited for them to finish the work in his basement.
Howard said that in exchange for the room make over the guys take over the house to shoot for four days. Gary said that the crew and the hosts were great but there were some people who stopped by were kind of annoying. He said that one guy was asking him questions about Artie and stuff like that. Gary said that they'll be at Artie's house this coming weekend.
Artie said that they're going to be working on his top room at his new house to be a game room. He said that they're going to have a pool table, a poker table, a ping pong table, a wet bar and a bunch of other stuff. He said that it's going to be really nice.
Gary said that he has a TV that has a live sports ticker. He said that it's amazing. Howard said that it sounds like it was worth the hassle to get all of that stuff. Artie said that he wants to have everyone over to have a poker game. He said that the house should be done in Mid July.
Howard said that Gary and Artie are going to have Man Caves and Benjy is still living in a real cave. He said that maybe Benjy should get some kind of Man Cave going.
Bobo called in and said that he heard Bob last night and he wanted to talk about what he was saying. Howard cut him off and said that they're not going to take anything away from bob. They don't want him jumping out a window or anything. He said that they'll take Bob's word that he didn't mean what he was saying.
A caller said that he saw an ad in the paper where they promote one of Bob's shows as ''The Howard Stern Presents...'' Artie said that Bob knows better than that. The caller said that he'd send in the ad.
Lisa G said that she has a story about George Takei and his upcoming wedding to Brad. Howard said that he saw that Lisa was wearing sandals and he didn't like them. He said that he likes them if they have heels on them. Lisa said that her feet have been killing her in this heat. Artie gave her a ''Wahhh!'' She said that she doesn't have a car service to drive her home like Artie does.
Howard brought up a story about this beautiful girl Anne Hathaway who is with some douche bag guy who makes her cry when they're out and stuff and it's really sad. He said that she's so hot and she could have just about anyone she wants.
Howard said he had a few things to play. He said he had this one heavy metal band where the singer sounds like a pig when he sings. He said that he might be an old man but there's no way that this music is current music. He played a clip of this one song where the guy is singing like a pig. There was another song where the guy squeals like a pig. Howard played that one as well. The band was Gutted with Broken Glass. Howard said that he's going to say that's not even music though. He and Robin got some laughs out of the songs.
Richard said that stuff was a little bit much even for him. He said that he likes metal but that was too much.
Cyrus called in and said that he saw a preview of the Hulk last night. He said that the movie wasn't as good as Iron Man but it was about 20 times better than the original Hulk movie. Howard said that he was trying to get a screening of the movie and had Tracy calling to get him a DVD. He said that he will not copy the movie but the movie company won't give it to him. He said that they offered to send a projectionist to his home to play the movie for him but they refused to send a DVD.
Howard said that he doesn't have a place to have a projectionist in his home. Artie said that he does have a big screen in his apartment though. Howard said that he was going to ask them to have the actors come out and act it out for him. He said that they did offer to let him have a screening today so he may do that.
Howard said that he had to take a break but he had to play the new Jack and Rod bit that he played earlier. He set it up by talking about Will the Farter's appearance where he was painting with his farts and making some gurgling sounds with his asshole. Sal and Richard took those clips and created the Jack and Rod show bit with the author of a book. He played the Jack and Rod bit and laughed once again.
Howard said that they're thinking that bit might be their masterpiece. He said that they may have to play all of their bits and make a decision from there. He took a call from a guy who said that his kids were laughing at that. Artie said that kids would love that. then he realized that he was loving it and Howard said that he's 54 years old and even he loved it.
Howard talked to Robin about her illness and Artie joked that he saw her eating a cheeseburger in the green room. He was kidding but that led to Howard and Robin talking about how Oprah is on a 21 day detox, just like Robin did.
Artie talked about a Robert Smigel cartoon called ''StedMan'' where Oprah Winfrey's man Stedman was always taking her money and his power was that he was able to avoid sleeping with Oprah. He said that it was really funny but mean too.
Howard said he was reading about what bullshit the detoxing is. Robin said that might be detoxing but so is real medicine. They talked about that for a short time before they had to break.
Howard said that it sounds like in the Nirvana song Fred was playing it sounded like he was saying ''Anne Marie uhhhh.'' He sang along with it a little bit and then got back to the herpes story. He said that he's glad that he's not a young person now.
Howard said he had an album he was going to play and it was going to be a mystery record but no one would get it. He said that it was Scarlett Johansson's new album. That led to him talking about how she's engaged to the guy that Alanis Morissette was dating for a while. He said that Alanis is going to be in tomorrow so he'll talk to her about that.
Howard played a track off the new Scarlett album (Anywhere I Lay My Head) and said that she kind of has that Sinead O'Connor technique where she doubles up her voice. Howard said that she should squeal like a pig like that metal band earlier. He played another track and talked about how bad it sucked.
Howard said that the new M Night Shyamalan movie is getting promoted as if it's a big deal that it's R-rated. He said that they have to do that because the last two movies he did kind of sucked. He said that he wants a DVD of that movie too so he told Tracy to call that movie company and get one for him. He said that he's not going to pirate the movie or anything like that. He just wants to look like a hero to his kids.
Artie did his impression of Tracy yelling at Steve Grillo and did it as if she were yelling at the movie companies the same way. That led to Fred playing a clip of Tracy yelling at Grillo on the Intern Show after he screwed her and the interns over one night at the bar he works at.
The guys talked about how rough that was with Tracy and Grillo and how it took Grillo a full day to recover and respond to her after she went off on him. Fred played some more of the two of them yelling at each other and had Artie doing more of his impression.
The guys made up the conversation that Tracy might have with the movie company that's putting out M. Night's movie and how she could get them to send them a DVD. Howard said that he's never going to argue with Tracy after hearing that. He said that if she has that attitude toward the movie company, he's going to get a copy of that movie on DVD.
Artie said that his new assistant got an e-mail from Tracy and she was very sarcastic in the e-mail. She apparently said ''Welcome to the world of Artie Lange...'' in a really sarcastic way. Artie wondered if Tracy is from Philly or something because she says ''own'' like ''ouan.''
Howard read an e-mail about Bill Murray being a jerk. The guy claimed that he saw Bill out at some event and he was a complete dick to him.
Howard read one e-mail about the laughing bit they did with the caller yesterday. Howard said that he got one e-mail from someone who said that they should weigh Artie before he goes on his trip to Iraq. Artie said that he'd do that because he may lose a lot of weight. He said that he's going to try and lose a few before he goes and then he'll probably lose more when he's over there.
Howard said that someone was asking if they think Artie will gain or lose weight over in Iraq. Howard said that it would be amazing if he gained weight. Howard said that he can't wait to see how much he loses in Iraq. He can't imagine that he'd gain weight.
Ralph called in and said that they have to play Steve Grillo's rebuttal from the next day. He said that was great just like their argument. He did his impression of Grillo a little bit. That led to Artie doing his Tracy impression a little more too.
Howard said he'd play some of that in all fairness to Grillo. Artie said that it was in all fairness to Ralph. Howard played the clip where Grillo was talking about being ''extremely pissed'' and ''dumbfounded'' after hearing Tracy's rant. Grillo talked about the reasons he wasn't able to give them free booze that night in the bar and how they were asking for ''top shelf liquor'' that night.
After that they played a prank call that the guys made using the Steve Grillo clips. They had Grillo yelling at some woman on the phone who was named Tracy.
Howard and the guys were doing their Grillo impressions while Artie did his Tracy impression. They were all reenacting the arguments and making up new stuff.
Howard introduced Jayde and Juliette Frette as they were coming in. Howard said that they both looked great. Howard congratulated Jayde on her Playmate of the Year title. She said that she won $100,000 for that title. She also got a new Cadillac CTS which is one of her favorite cars. She said that she lives in Canada so she doesn't have to pay taxes on that.
Howard heard that Jayde was saying the name of a fruit the wrong way but when she said cantaloupe she said it right. Howard asked her to say ''I really want to do Artie.'' She didn't know who he was so she asked to see him. Artie said hello to her but she didn't know who he was.
Jayde said that she's 22 years old and she's been a model for a long time. She's 5'9'' tall and said that she doesn't think that this will hurt her career. She said that it can hurt it for some things but it can make things better for others. She said that she's already getting noticed for doing the Playboy thing.
Howard asked Jayde when she started to blossom and asked if her teachers ever hit on her. Jayde said she started to blossom when she was in grade 9 or so. She said that she never had a teacher come on to her but there were some that were nicer than others. Howard said that he heard a story from Beth about a principal who was coming to her house to make her feel better when she was suspended from school. Jayde said that she and the principal were buddies too. Howard said that when you're a good looking person it's almost as if you're a big star when you're in school.
Howard asked Jayde when she lost her virginity. She said that it was right before her 14th birthday. Jayde said that she had been dating this guy for a year and a half. She said that it didn't even really count because it was so bad. She said that they kind of knew that it was going to happen. She said that they planned it out. She said that they never did it again after that.
Howard asked Jayde about who else she's dated. She said she was going out with a guy for about 6 years and they just broke up. Howard said that he can't imagine dating someone like her in school. Jayde said that the guy cheated on her and she had to dump him. He asked her if she's bad in bed or something. Jayde said that she's not.
Howard asked Jayde if she'll kiss a man's penis and swallow his load. She said that she'll do anything for a man if she's in love with him. She said that she would swallow it and it's gross to spit it out. She said that ladies don't spit so that's why she won't do that.
Howard asked Jayde if she has a boyfriend now. She said that she doesn't talk about that. She said that she doesn't talk about that stuff. She said that she does go to the Playboy mansion to talk to the girls but she doesn't do the celebrities.
Jayde said that she doesn't like celebrities, she likes regular guys. She said that she's a rocker and named a few bands that Howard and Artie didn't recognize. She finally said Nirvana and Guns N Roses which were a couple that they recognized.
Howard asked Jayde what celebrities have hit on her. Gary asked if Pauly Shore ever hit on her. She didn't want to talk about that. She said that she's not into guys who have slept with a ton of women. Howard said that he'd blow his load in 3 seconds if he was with Jayde. He said that she looks amazing in the pictures.
Howard asked the girls if their boobs were real. Both of them claimed that they were real. Howard moved on to Juliette and told her that her breasts were phenomenally big. Juliette said that they fluctuate and she tries to fit them into a D-cup.
Howard said that Juliette looks great and Artie was talking about how hot she is. They showed some of her pictures on the monitors in the studio. Howard asked Juliette how she got such a great ass. She said she's not sure because she's never been much of an athlete. Howard asked her if she's ever had a guy want to lick her ass. Jayde said she had one guy come up to her on a beach and ask to bite her ass. She said that guy followed her around for about an hour.
Howard asked the girls if they have a lot of guys coming on to her. Juliette said that she doesn't put that kind of attitude out there and she doesn't have a lot of guys coming on to her. Howard asked Artie what he would do to Juliette if he was with her. Artie said that he'd only need about 4 seconds of her time. He said that he probably wouldn't even make it to the door and he'd have to mail her his orgasm.
Howard asked Juliette about her claims of being a feminist. She said that she's kind of exploring why women think that Playboy is so wrong for women to do.
Howard asked the girls if they've ever been brought up to Hef's room to see what's going on there. Juliette said that they have been very respectful to her. She said that she has had some guys hit on her at the mansion but she's not looking for men there. She said that some guys have asked her out but she wasn't sure she wanted to disclose that information. She said that there are guys who are known for asking people out a lot. Artie started naming names like Tony Curtis, James Caan, Drew Carey, Pauly Shore and others. She said that it was Pauly.
Jayde said that she got a call from Pauly one morning when she was sleeping and it turned out that he was on some radio show and they didn't tell her.
Juliette said that she was never popular in school and she was kind of sarcastic and inquisitive. Howard asked the girls if they like anal. Juliette said that she'd ask the guy to stop demanding strange things from her if a guy asked her to do that. Howard asked Robin how old she was when she did that for the first time. She said she was about 27.
Artie said that they room was full of big breasts today. He said that the girls seemed to be pretty brainy too. Howard checked out the girl's outfits and told them they were beautiful. Howard asked what their plans were for meeting guys. Jayde said she's writing a book about health and fitness. She said that she got a lot of questions about how to look good so she started to put them all together in this book.
Howard told the girls they have to have a plan in their life. Juliette said that she's writing a book about appearing in Playboy from a feminists perspective. Howard said that he noticed that Juliette had some hair down there but he prefers that it's all shaved off. He said that he likes that bald down there.
Ralph called in and asked Jayde if she has a plan for her future for like 10 years from now when she's not hot anymore. Jayde said that she still thinks she'll be hot by then but she does have plans for doing stuff that don't depend on her looks at that point.
The girls talked about their books and stuff and said that they do have plans for their futures. Jayde said that she's writing her book while she's still looking good so people will check it out.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked what kind of shoes the girls had on. Jayde showed hers and Howard said that they both had sexy shoes on. The caller asked if they've ever jerked a guy off with their feet. They hadn't done that.
Howard asked Juliette if she would swallow her man's load. She said that if you're in love with someone then nothing about that person should gross you out. Howard asked the girls about rubbing the load into their skin or if they just wipe it off. They said it depends on the moment.
Howard said that he could see Jayde's panties. She wondered how so the Howard TV guys showed her how they got it. Jayde said that she didn't know that they could see it. She said that she was told not to wear them because they weren't sexy but she loved them so she wore them. They were Victoria's Secret polka dot panties.
Howard took some more phone calls and let some guys talk to them. One guy said that he beat off to the girl's pictures just last night. Howard said that's pretty high praise to get from a guy. Howard said that's what Playboy is all about. Jayde said that it creeps her out. Juliette said that it's natural and not a big deal. Jayde said that she just doesn't want to hear about it.
Howard asked the girls if they had a problem stripping for the cameras. Jayde said that it was very comfortable for her. Juliette said that she did some other stuff with Playboy when she was about 21 so she knew what to expect. Howard asked if the girls shake and get nervous when they go in. Juliette said that she's very comfortable with her body and she was ready to go. She said that she was kind of terrified of being caught on film naked for a while. She used to stop boyfriends from taking pictures of her naked because she thought that she might be in politics some day.
Howard told the girls that he had Rebecca Romijn naked in his apartment and he has pictures of her that are locked up and safe.
Juliette said that she hasn't given up her political aspirations and she still wants to go forward and try go to do that. She said that she did get kicked out of her sorority because of the Playboy thing.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that these girls were really annoying and he had to get them out of the studio. He said that there's a reason that Playboy doesn't have audio of these girls.
Juliette got in a plug for her web site JulietteFrette.com before Artie asked them out. He asked the girls what they were doing and Jayde suggested they go out on a date. Artie said yes to that but they were probably just jerking him around. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Artie figured that Benjy was playing him and saw that he was vulnerable and screwed him over. Howard said that he saw something like that on the Bachelorette last night with a guy who thought that she was way into him and then she booted him off the show.
Artie said that he was talking to Juliette about California and they seemed to be getting along really well after the interview. Gary said that not all that many girls stop and talk to Artie but Juliette did so he can see why Artie would think that she was into him.
Howard said that he thinks that Gary should go back out and talk to her Juliette again and tell her that Artie was just kidding around and he had no interest in her at all. Gary said that they were gone. He really felt awkward out there asking her for her number.
Howard figured that she didn't know which one was Artie. Gary said that she definitely did. He also said that there's no way Artie would sit there and listen to that stuff she had to say. Artie said that he liked her a lot.
A caller asked Howard to get a blind Playboy girl in there for Artie. Artie said that the guy is probably some jerk off in a truck with mayonnaise coming out of his ears. They finished up the break a short time later.
Howard said that Jayde was out in the hall walking around in a night gown. He said that Gary was asking him if he would bang her. He said that he'd have to say no. He said that she's too young for him and if he can't be seen in public with them, he can't bang them.
Howard said that there would be consequences if he did bang someone like that. He said that he could never date a 22 year old. Artie said that's just Howard saying that.
Howard had Jayde come back in so he could talk to her. He said she wanted to get a plug in for her web site anyway. Howard told Jayde that she is one of the hottest chicks that he's ever seen. He broke the news to her that he could never date her. He said that he'd think that they'd be a joke if they were seen out in public. He said he finds her really attractive though.
Howard said that the outfit she's in is amazing. Robin said it was a dress. She said that she was going to do another show and she had to change out of the short skirt that she was in before. Jayde said that she was asked to plug her web site JaydeNicole.com
Jayde said that she never hooks up with people she's not in a long term relationship with. She told Artie that she's going to work on Juliette for Artie though. She said that she thinks that he's sweet and she'd do that for him. Artie said that maybe they should go out then.
Benjy said that Juliette was saying that Artie was too old for her. Howard said that he's not too old for her. Artie said that he was back to eating because his self esteem was so low again. He was chomping down on some food and doing his impression of Ham Hands Bill.
Steve said that they have a story about Pat O'Brien being demoted on The Insider. He got in a plug for Jackie's Joke Hunt and Riley Martin's shows which air tonight.
Howard said he had a FOX news report that ran this morning and they may have gone too far. He said that they had video of Barack Obama and his wife giving each other a fist pump and they're saying that some people are saying that it's some kind of terrorist fist jab. He said that's a wild headline.
Howard said that they didn't bring it up once when the ''expert'' was on to talk about the body language. He said all of that body language stuff is bullshit anyway.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview. He ran down the stuff that they were going to cover. They mentioned the Bob Levy thing and that led to Artie reenacting some Godfather scenes. Jon finished up his Wrap Up Show preview after that.
Fred played some of the scene that Artie was acting out a few minutes earlier. They listened to that and then Artie said that he had some good news. He said that he's going to be doing a benefit for the teacher who lost her job after appearing on the show. He said that he'll be there at Caroline's on July 18th to do the benefit.
Robin started her news with a story about a guy who was grunting too loud in a spin class. That led to the guys doing impressions of the gym grunters and also of that wrestler Golddust whose whole act was based on him having Tourette's. The guys pointed out that he never said anything like a curse word. They goofed on that act for a few minutes. Robin talked about some of the other annoying things that people do in gyms. She had an article about that.
Howard took a call from Hanzi who said that Golddust is still doing his character but in another wrestling federation. He doesn't have Tourette's anymore. He said he's calling himself ''Purple Rain'' now. Hanzi talked about how he used to play a gay character and then the tourettes thing. Howard wondered if they play Purple Rain when he walks in the ring. Hanzi said he's not sure, he doesn't watch that shit.
Robin read a story about a doctor who was plotting to kill his patients and feed them to sharks. The guys wondered how that story came out and why the guy only spent 3 months in jail for plotting such a thing.
Robin read some news about Elliot Spitzer and how the feds are going after him for the prostitution thing. She read a story about the new iPhone that's coming out starting at $199. Artie asked what the fuck they're doing coming out with a better phone after he bought one.
Robin read some news about Barack Obama. She had some about high oil prices. Howard interrupted and said that he wore the wrong glasses during the Playboy girl interviews. He told the guys to CGI in his sunglasses for him. Fred had pulled a clip of Bob Levy saying ''Fuck you Gary!'' that he played a few times as Howard was complaining. Howard had to take a break around 10:10am.
After the break we heard a prank call that Sal and Richard made to a music store. Fred also played some Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young ''Ohio'' as they were coming back. Howard said that you don't hear any anti-war songs about this war in Iraq.
Robin got back to her news and said that she had to get out of there to go to a lunch for the winner of her charity auction. It turns out Artie got $10,000 and Robin only got $6,000 for her lunch. They spent a short time talking about why that might be. Robin said that it's no big deal to see her eating a piece of lettuce but it's a big deal to see Artie eating his meals.
Robin read some news about a woman who was raped and tortured. She gave all of the horrible details about that in her story. Fred threw in some Jackie The Joke Man laugh clips while she was going through that. Robin had some news about the actor's strike and had some audio clips for Howard to play. She read a story about Lynda Carter finding a dead body floating in the water.
Robin went through a bunch of other stories about the new Incredible Hulk movie. She talked about Rob Schneider being in ''Don't Mess with the Zohan.'' They wrapped up after that and ended the show around 10:30am.
Gary said that it's an uncomfortable conversation to have with Bob so he just e-mailed him so he wouldn't have to talk to him on the phone. Jon asked Gary if he thinks that Bob's ego was hurt. Gary said that it was a long time coming and he thinks that it was partially his ego.
Gary said that Bob gets a lot of stuff there on the show and he's like a semi-regular on the show. Jon asked him if he thinks Bob feels he's owed something. Gary said that he does think that's the case. He said that they turn people down all the time and didn't even let Gilbert Gottfried on the show a few weeks ago. He thinks that Gilbert is okay with it though.
Gary said that there's almost nothing that goes on there that Howard doesn't know about. He said that years ago they passed on having Linda Blair on the show and she ended up going to Howard and telling him that it was Gary keeping her off the show. Gary said that Howard knows when they're turning guests down.
Gary said that he was laughing at Bob using a show on their channels to trash them. He said that could end the show for him if he does stuff like that.
Jon asked Gary if he thinks that Artie had anything to do with it. He said he doesn't think that he'd blame him for the whole thing. He said that he may not have helped things out by talking to Bob off the air.
Artie came in and said that he feels bad and he's trying to do anything he can to make Bob feel better. He said he told Bob that he should just be honest and lay it all out there on his show because it would make for great radio. He said he didn't really encourage it but he didn't discourage it either. He felt he had to defend Bob because he didn't know he was going to go as far as he did.
Shuli said that Bob has gotten mad with Gary in the past but never to that extreme. He said that he thinks that Artie backing him up did give him the green light to go ape shit like he did. Shuli said that he did tell Bob that they were doing a 4 hour show on one of Howard's channels and he was about to bash the show that gave them that chance. Shuli said that Bob took it way to personal but he knew that it wasn't going to go away.
Gary said that sometimes people will just ask for plugs if they can't get booked on the show. Gary said that Bob doesn't seem grateful. He said that it's almost like he thinks that they owe him the plugs. Gary said that he's never thanked them for all of the plugs and stuff they do for him.
Shuli said that Bob is so generous with people but then he does some selfish things like what he did last night. Gary said that during Bob's apology he had Jon Hein lean over to him and ask him how many times he's had the same conversation with his kids. He said that's just what it was like, dealing with a kid.
Artie said that Bob has done some gigs where he pays the other comics so much that he ends up being in debt at the end of the night. He said that he's really generous with people. He said that giving Bob a pass today was the right thing to do. Shuli said that he'll probably freak out in 4 months again so they should get ready to give him another pass.
Gary said that he kind of thinks that giving him a pass is the right thing to do. He said that he's kind of peeved about it and he's not sure if Bob really learned his lesson. He said that if he didn't learn this time, he will the next time he does something like this.
Artie was saying that he was just trying to throw Bob a life preserver by defending him. Gary said that Bob should know better than to go off on the show when he's doing a show on their other channel. Artie said that he was trying to give Bob some compassion because if he didn't then he probably would have been done.
Gary said that Bob needs constant massaging and he's just not used to doing that stuff. Artie said that most comedians can bite their tongues and not say anything but Bob feels like he's part of the family and he feels that he can say something.
Benjy said that he didn't get Bob's points but he did think that it probably made for a very interesting show last night. Shuli said that both he and Tim tried to talk to Bob last night but there was no talking him out of doing what he did.
Gary talked about the power he has there and how he hates to turn down some comedians but they can't just have everyone on all the time. He said he knows how important it is for some people to come on. Artie said that he can't bash a comedian because he doesn't want to be responsible for someone not getting a shot at getting on the show. Gary said that Jackie suffered from that and he'd say that everyone was a great guy.
Benjy said that there was one comedian on the show who thought that Jackie was keeping him off the show for years. Gary said that Jackie never said a bad word about any road comedian out there and he didn't keep anyone off the show.
Jon asked Artie if Bob thinks he has some sense of entitlement. Artie said that maybe a little bit but not as much as that tape of him yelling at Gary indicates. He said that he thinks Bob feels he's part of the family there and he should get some leeway. He said that he actually does and he's right back to being where he was before even after that meltdown. Artie said he hopes that Bob learns from this.
Gary talked about how he's wrong sometimes with the comedians that he thinks are right for the show. He talked about Mitch Hedberg and how he didn't think he was right for the show but Howard decided that they should. It turned out that he was a great guest.
Shuli said that he loves Bob to death and he couldn't survive without those shows that he does with him. He said that he's got to think a little bit before he does something like he did last night. Shuli said that he tried to explain to Bob that they help him out too.
A caller said that no rant on the radio goes well and Bob should have known that. Shuli said that Bob knew that the rant was going to be played and he had a feeling that he was going to be banned from the show. Shuli said that Bob kept saying he didn't care but he knows that he cares more than anyone else about that kind of stuff. He said that it was basically like Bob was saying ''fuck you'' to the rest of them on that show as well.
Bob still isn't getting his 15 minutes on the air but he got all of the stuff Howard was going to take back this morning.
A caller was saying that Bob would have learned his lesson if he had something taken away from him for a month. Artie said that Bob works his ass off and he really hustles to get stuff done. He said that he doesn't come from money and he's got to work hard for what he makes.
Gary said that Bob uses the Iron Sheik and Beetlejuice in his shows and then he'll tell him that he hires them because they don't pay them there. Gary said that he's using them to help make money for himself though.
Shuli said that Bob gave Beetlejuice all of his money a couple of weeks ago when they did a couple of gigs and he went home with nothing. The guys said that Bob is still making money off of all of them though.
Artie said that maybe they should cut back on the shows they're doing if the fans aren't coming out like they used to. He said that he told Bob that he should try doing some gigs on his own and not do the huge shows with these guys. Shuli said that they have a lot of people on these shows and they're not making all that much money.
Artie said that he thinks that he thinks that Bob should stop doing the circus-like shows and maybe just do the shows with Sal, Richard and Shuli. He said that he's not a fan of following the blue cheese dressing thing that Bob does and he could stop doing that.
Artie said that they should just stick to comedians and not have the other freak shows going on. Shuli said that he couldn't figure out why the audiences were so nuts but then one day he figured they feed into that by bringing the circus acts to the stage.
Artie said that there are people like Nick DiPaolo who don't want to be involved in that kind of thing because that's not the kind of show they do. He said that they're comedians and they just want to do comedy.
Artie said that the big shows aren't working anymore and they have to change something. He said that Bob, Shuli, Sal and Richard would be a good show. They could make money doing that and not bring out the other people. Shuli said that they do some great shows when it's just him and Bob appearing. They do their thing and get out.
Benjy said that he thinks that the fans want to see that freak show. Artie said that's not true because he doesn't have to bring them out when he does his shows. He said that Bob could do a real show if he just had comedians on it and not the other people.
Jon got back to the phones and let some more people comment about Bob. One guy said that Bob should show more respect to the show. He said that Bob is taking people out from the show on the road and using them. He said that he didn't know who Bob was before he was on Howard's show. They spent a short time talking to that guy about the rant. The caller said that he'd rather hear bob on the show for 15 minutes than an hour and a half of Playboy girls. He still thought the rant was out of line though.
Artie said that the show is funny because people bust Gary's balls all the time and now, all of a sudden, people are upset when Bob disrespects him. He said that you can't have it both ways. Gary said that it's one thing when someone is doing it for fun and another when they're doing it maliciously.
A woman called in and said that she thinks that Bob is acting like an irrational drug addict with that rant. Artie said that he would go to the top of the Chrysler building and jump off if he were Bob. He said that he's got a lot of shit going on in his life. Gary said that a lot of people have bad things going on in their life and Bob has brought on a lot of that stuff himself. Artie said that there are some things that Bob brings on himself though. He pointed out that awful Phillies shirt he wears all the time.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Bob won this one and it was Bob 1 - Stern Show 0. He said that Bob got what he wanted and got a lot of exposure from this whole thing.
Artie and the caller ended up talking about some upcoming basketball games for a few minutes after the Levy stuff.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that Howard is too easy on people and he should have at least given Bob something. Gary said that Howard has changed over the years and 10 years ago they never would have heard from Bob again.
Jon played a clip of Howard talking about how easy he is on people and how people don't respect him. Jon asked why Bob has such a hard time apologizing. Artie said that Bob has a hard time with the English language. He said that he just does. He told a story about doing a gig with Bob one time and he wanted to fly out to his kids's baseball game so he was going to catch an early flight. The kid's game got canceled so Bob said he wanted to change the flight to the same one Artie had. Artie said that Bob asked him what he had to do to change it. Artie said that he told Bob what to do to change that. Artie said he had to walk him through all of it.
Artie said that Bob looked puzzled when he told him all of that so he told him to just call because those people are trained to deal with retards. He said that Bob was so confused that he just kept his flight and didn't change it. He said that's why Bob had a hard time apologizing.
Gary said that he didn't think that he did it wrong when he asked her for her number. Artie said that he feels that Benjy played with his emotions and duped him today and he's not going to forget about that.
Jon played a clip of Juliette talking about why she was appearing in Playboy for research. He asked Artie how long he could listen to her talking about that stuff. Artie said he was done after about 5 seconds. The guys had to go to break a short time later.
JD said that Bob should have called the show today instead of them calling him. Teddy said that he thought it was kind of a stupid thing to do on Howard's channel.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he bought tickets for a comedy show that Bob is doing. He said that he still hasn't gotten his tickets. He said that he's probably just going to pocket his money and not let him in. He said he hopes that they don't back out of doing the show. Jon asked the guy if he would still go to see the show if Beetlejuice wasn't going to be there. He said that he would pay to meet Beetlejuice. The guy said that they were at a Tampa show yelling out ''Dana is a whore.'' JD told the guy that they really love that.
Another caller said that Bob absolutely killed at the show he did over the weekend. He said that he was really good and the highlight of the show. He said that he thought that the show was great. Jon said that they weren't saying that he's not a great comedian. This was all about whether or not he has a sense of entitlement. The caller said that he deserves some basic respect. He said that he's seen him live and he does great live, even better than what he does during the roasts and stuff.
Teddy said that Bob is a professional and he's a completely different person on stage. He said that if they ask him to do 15 minutes, he does 15 minutes and kills every time.
Jon asked JD if it pisses him off that guys like Pauly Shore are hitting on them. JD said he doesn't know. He said that he's not sure he'd want to go to the Playboy mansion if he was invited. He said he'd probably go but it's lost it's luster for him.
JD said that Teddy has been to the Playboy mansion so he knows what's going on out there. Teddy said that it needs to be refurbished a little bit because it's stuck in the 70s.
Jon took another call about Bob Levy and the guy said that he doesn't think that he's funny. He said that Bob is the epitome of a hack and that's the kind of character they portray in movies and stuff. Teddy and JD said that he's different when he's live and they don't think of him as a hack at all. Jon said that he's killed every time he's seen him so he thinks that he's funny.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he thinks Bob did that out of anger and it really wasn't funny. He also brought up the Playboy girls and wondered what channel people were switching to during the interview. Jon said that when you see them you understand why they have them in. He said that not every guest is going to be a home run. The caller said that he turns off the radio and thinks of Lisa G instead when those Playboy girls are on.
Jon asked the guys what they think about Robin's cold. Shuli said that it's the weirdest thing he's ever heard. JD said that he likes when Robin's voice is messed up.
Jon mentioned the Jack and Rod bit that Howard played twice today. He asked the guys what they thought about that.
Another caller talked about Bob and said that they have to let Bob say what he has to say without getting upset. She said that Howard can dish it out but he can't seem to take it.
Jon asked Shuli if he was afraid that they were going to lose the Miserable Men show. Shuli said that it wouldn't be so bad if they didn't have to do the show on Sunday. He said that they were doing it for free for a long time but they're finally getting paid. He said that they seem to be moving up the ladder there and there aren't a lot of people there who get to do that.
Shuli said that he didn't think that they'd lose their show like they threatened to do. He said that it would have really pissed him off if they had lost it.
Jon asked the guys what they thought about the Tracy and Steve Grillo discussions and what they thought about that. Shuli said that he asked the new interns about what they thought about that. They all said they were going to try and not get on her bad side after hearing that.
A caller asked Shuli what happened last night on Miserable Men. Shuli said that during the break on that show he and Bob got into it off the air. He said that Bob was making it sound like they were all in it together and he had to tell Bob that wasn't the way things were. He said that Bob may have thought he had turned his back on him but that wasn't the case either. Shuli said that he can't say what Bob was saying even if he agrees with it because he has a job there.
Old Nikki called in and said that she thinks that Bob is entitled to some stuff there because they did their show for free for a year. Shuli said that they are moving up slow and steady there and things are going okay. He said that he hasn't spoken to Bob today. He might still be sleeping.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if JD really makes that noise that he hears all the time. JD said that's him laughing. Jon said they don't play any audio clips of him doing that on the show. That's his real ''hoot'' that they're hearing.
Jon took one last call from a guy who said that today was his 30th birthday and he'd love a hoot from JD. JD said ''Happy birthday... hoot'' but he didn't actually make the hoot sound. Benjy said he thinks that JD should sell that hoot as a ring tone. Benjy said he does the hoot out in public just for the hell of it. He said he was doing it in a spin class one time just to get everyone excited. Jon had to end the show after that.
Howard started off the show talking about this clip that someone sent him from the internet where this black reporter is talking very proper English until he gets a bug in his mouth and then gets all ghetto. Robin said she wanted to hear it but her voice was shot. She said that it was going to take a while to clear it up this morning.
Howard played the clip of the reporter freaking out when he got the bug in his mouth. It sounds like a completely different guy when he gets the bug in there. Artie said that he was going to say there was no way it was real. Howard said that it's a very well known bit on the internet but the screen does go black when you hear him talking.
Howard said that he believes that everything is real so he believes that one. He said that JD sent him the clip and he seems to think that it's real. JD came in and said that he's actually skeptical of that one. Howard said that JD came in and told him that he was but he was mumbling that when he said it.
JD said there are some clips on the internet that look like they're very faked. He said that there was one where someone had a bird shit on them during a news report and it didn't seem like it could be real.
Fred played the techno music that JD was listening to not too long ago as he was talking to Howard. Howard let JD go while the song was playing.
Howard said that they actually have a channel there on SIRIUS where they play that kind of music and he plays it during parties. Robin asked Howard if his neighbors complain about the music. Howard said that Robin sounds like shit this morning with her voice all messed up from her cold. She said that wasn't very nice.
Howard told Robin that maybe she needs an enema and he's going to give it to her. He said that she was bragging about her diet and health on the air and now she's sick. Robin insists that she's still healthier than the rest of them there. Howard said that she does have to say that she still gets sick. Robin said that she's still at work though.
The caller asked Artie if his house is done yet and what town it's in. Artie said that it's not done and he's not telling anyone where it is. He said that he already has tons of fan mail at his front door step and he's not even in the place. Robin said that she has to talk to Artie after the show about that.
Howard said that a lot of people are pissed off about Gary and Artie getting Man Caves from that show on the DIY network. Howard read an e-mail about that and one person asked why people with a lot of money can get a man cave when they can afford to do it themselves. Robin and Howard pointed out that they're getting it because they can promote the show.
Howard said that life isn't fair and no one ever said it was. Another person gave Gary a couple of ''wah's'' over his complaints that he had to give his house over to the DIY crew when he had his make over done.
Howard read some mail about Bob from the fans and how upset they were with him after yesterday's show. A bunch of people wrote in and went off on him about the way he treated Gary on Miserable Men on Monday night. There were some people who defended Bob too. Howard said that most of them were negative.
Howard read the note from Bob exactly as it was written and it was hard to follow. Howard said that he has to have Bob in after reading that. Bob was trying to apologize to Gary for what he did. He had trouble spelling things and writing out what he meant.
Howard said that he loves Bob. He continued to read the note and pointed out all of the misspelled words in it. He said he's glad they worked things out yesterday and that Bob is still on the show.
Howard said that he's going to make Alanis feel better today. He's going to tell her to just say fuck 'em. Artie said that he knows that guy Ryan because he was on the set of Dirty Work when they were working on it. He said that he was dating someone at the time and he thinks that he was dating her to help his career. He said that they were all told that he was dating that person for that reason. They were all told not to bother the kid but Chris Farley did it anyway and called him ''Ryan Tinkerbell'' and said he was gay. Artie said that he was dating an older woman but he didn't want to say who it was.
Artie said that they were on the MGM set up there at the time and everyone was saying that he was dating that woman as a stepping stone. Howard told Artie that if Alanis dated him she'd have a 4 album set.
Artie said that he has a lot of connections to Alanis and he used to hang out with her when she was going out with Dave Coulier.
Howard told Artie that he hates the way he looks but he has certain angles that make him look okay. He said he could probably do the same thing. Artie said that he owes them a photo shoot and he has to do it for them. He said they told him that he could do something in a row boat because the name of the book is ''Too Fat To Fish'' and he didn't want them to take it literally. He said it was just a joke in his family.
Artie said that Dana took pictures back stage at comedy shows that really show how depressed he was doing that stuff. Howard told him that maybe he should do photos where he's in a tux and looking really miserable. He said that they could recreate those pictures or something. Robin said that she likes Artie with the scruffy look and the smoke curling around his face. Howard said that's why Artie didn't shave.
Artie said that they want him to do a lot of pictures for various things and it's going to be a lot. Howard told him that they should do a book cover where they show Artie eating or something. One of those animated book covers. Artie said that if they could do it he would but he's not sure if they could. Artie said that's better than him in a boat. They showed some pictures of Artie sleeping in the studio so Howard told him that he could do something like that.
The guys were showing a bunch of pictures of Artie and Howard was telling him which one could be the cover, the back and the sequel to the book. There was one of Artie almost unconscious that made Artie laugh his ass off. Howard said that he could tell some stories when he goes on Conan and stuff where he shows those pictures.
Howard showed Artie one picture of Mike Gange and Doug Goodstein carrying him off stage in Las Vegas. Artie said that there were a million still photographs that he could use in the book. He said he had to go today to do the shoot and they're bringing a bunch of outfits and stuff.
Artie said that he doesn't want something goofy used on the cover. Howard said that he has to pick the picture. Artie said that he doesn't want to recreate that Vegas stuff and he's not sure if Doug and Gange are available anyway.
Howard said that the Howard TV guys want to shoot his photo shoot. Artie said that's fine. Howard told Artie that he doesn't have to be stressed out now that he has some ideas for the pictures. Artie said that tomorrow he has to do Letterman so that's more stress on him. They just called him last night. He said that's why he was popping the Subutex. He said he got a text from his assistant yesterday afternoon asking him about the Letterman thing. He said that he didn't know what to wear because he doesn't have anything.
Artie said that he has to ask for the most enormous clothes they have available when the wardrobe people ask him what size he is. He said that he's all confused about this stuff and he just wants to go to the Bahamas. Howard told him to calm down because he's got the book cover taken care of. Howard said that he should have them call him and he'll tell them what to do with the cover.
Artie said that they wanted him to ask him if he'd be willing to write the forward to his book. He doesn't want to ask him to do it though. Howard said he will do it no problem. Artie said that he really doesn't want him to do it. Howard said he wants to and asked when he needs it done. Artie said that he has about a month to do it. Howard said that he needs Subutex now because he's going to be stressed out.
Artie said that they're going to make it like it's Howard's book if he does the forward. He said that if they turn it into Howard's book then he's going to get pissed at the book company. Howard said he did it for that hump Jackie and Jackie was busting his balls to do it.
Howard said that he's written a couple of forwards for Ratso and for Jackie. He said he thinks he wrote another one somewhere along the line. He said they were a few pages long. Robin said that it's bad enough reading a book and now she has to read Howard's forward.
Howard said he already has an idea for the forward, it just came to him a few seconds ago. He said he didn't want to say what it was though. He said he will do it for Artie if he really wants him to. Artie was going back and forth and wasn't sure if he wanted him to do it or not.
Howard said that he's going to have his apartment redone and he's ripping everything out so he can have it done right. He's been complaining about it ever since he moved in and it just sucked. He said that he's a successful guy and he should have working air conditioning. He said that he and the dude had a falling out and it wasn't even his fault. It was the guy who he paid to do the work who screwed up. He said he can't take that kind of shit.
Robin said that all of her Vegan friends make fun of people who eat meat because they say that they complain about the heat. Howard said that everyone complains about the cold weather and then they complain about the heat in the summer. He said that people pay a fortune in the winter to find weather like this and now they're complaining about it.
Robin said that she loves this weather too. Howard said that he believes in global warming when the weather is that hot and they're not even to summer yet.
Robin said that eating protein causes the body to heat up and that's why her Vegan friends are talking about the meat eaters being too warm.
Howard played an older Baba Booey song parody to the tune of the Flintstones theme song. He said that was a good one. He played a new one by a guy by the name of Sal called ''Booey Don't Be a Hero.'' It was about Gary going to Iraq.
That song led to Howard talking about how he heard that Artie is really upset with Gary always getting in on his action and pushing himself into stuff he does. Artie said that he knows that it came from Ralph and he really doesn't feel that way about Gary. He said that he's not bothered by it himself but Ralph is. Howard said that it really does bother Ralph that Gary is going.
Artie said that Ralph was twisting it around and he's not upset about Gary going to Iraq with him. He said he likes Gary's company but he doesn't feel like he's leaching on anything. Gary said that Artie could have stopped him from going to Iraq if he didn't want him to go. Howard said that Artie would never turn him down for something like that.
Artie said that he would never do that to Gary and Howard was right about that. He said that he was going to have a friend going to Iraq but that guy told him that he probably wouldn't have gone over there with them anyway.
Gary said that he was going to give something to Page 69 about Ralph. He said that he's getting a 6 foot Iron Man standee and that's really gay to him. He said that Ralph can make fun of his animation cells if he wants but that standee is really gay.
Howard had a story about Ralph having a girl over to his apartment one night. He said that Ralph hardly ever brings girls home to his own apartment. Howard said that this girl that Ralph had came up to him and said that she saw all of the posters of Pam Anderson and the comic book stuff and her friend told her to get out of there and run for zee hills. He said that the girl was terrified.
Howard said that the girl was asking Ralph why he had posters of Pamela Anderson in his apartment and he just told her that he likes her so he had it in there. Howard said that Ralph is like 48 years old and he's still collecting that stuff.
Howard said he thought that Artie didn't like Gary about a month or so ago. Gary said that he didn't feel that way at all. Howard said he thought that there was something going on there but Gary said that just wasn't true.
Howard got back to the Baba Booey song parodies. He played one that was a Tiny Tim parody. Howard said that one was pretty good. Gary said that he had stuff going through his head about Artie now and it's messing with his head.
Artie said that he thinks that Ralph has something against Gary and that's why he seems to be trying to sabotage him. Howard said that Baba Booey is a fascinating subject and that's why they have this contest going on.
Howard told Gary that Ralph doesn't hate him. Gary said he might not but he loves to fuck with him. Artie said that Ralph thinks that he can do Gary's job. Howard said that Ralph couldn't do that job for more than an hour. He said that Ralph is just upset that Gary is going to Iraq.
Gary said that Ralph gets mad when he gets anything. It just irritates him when he does get something like that trip to Iraq. He said that it all started back when they started to do the E! show and he was a co-producer. He said that Ralph was getting too involved back then and they had to put a stop to that.
Howard got the list of stuff that Eric was asking from Johnny. Eric was asking to be reimbursed for plane tickets, a rental car, a deposit, insurance for the car and gas. Eric was asking for parking too. Howard asked Johnny why he's asking for all of this stuff.
Eric said that he stayed in a Motel 6 and they're used to staying in the Four Seasons hotel when they're up there. Eric was asking for his overdrawn account to be reimbursed as well. Howard said that Eric was asking for his beauty supplies to be reimbursed and some reimbursement for his time, 96 hours at 35 bucks an hour!
Howard said that Johnny and Eric have a lot to work out there. Robin asked Johnny what he thinks he owes Eric. Johnny said that Eric owes him $200, that's the way he sees it.
Howard got Eric on the phone and asked him what he was hired to do in L.A. Eric said that he was asked to go to the WWE event and to promote the JFSC with the people at the WWE. He said that he was supposed to ask the wrestlers to appear on the JFSC but he wasn't able to get anyone. He said it wasn't his fault though.
Johnny asked Eric if he had his Socko hat or shirt on when he was there. Johnny said he didn't have either one on. He said that he was supposed to promote that stuff. Eric said he wasn't aware that he had to until just now. Johnny said he sent Eric a letter back and that explains everything.
Howard read the letter that Johnny sent to Eric about the expenses and pointed out how wrong he was about asking for all of the stuff that he was demanding. Johnny told him that he wasn't going to reimburse him for all of that stuff he was asking for and asked Eric to be reimbursed for some stuff himself.
Howard asked Eric what he thinks about all of this. Eric said that when his father would travel for the police department he would be reimbursed. Johnny said that he always has to hear that police stuff when something like this goes on. He said that Eric has fun when he comes up there to L.A.
Eric said that he wouldn't have gone to L.A. if he knew he had to spend all of that money. The guys asked Johnny if he was up there for a business trip. There was no answer so the guys figured the phones had just cut out. Howard said that he wasn't going to want to go back to that if the phones were dead. Both Eric and Johnny were gone at that point.
Howard got Eric back on the line and told him that he didn't know what to do there. Eric said that he had heard a big static noise and then the phone hung up. Howard said he's wondering how this all came about but it's going to take him forever to figure it out. Eric said that he was told that they would be reimbursed for the plane tickets if he bought them.
Johnny said that he had a message from his partner that he wanted to play for Howard but he was hitting a bunch of numbers on the air. Eric said that he wasn't giving out the number because all they were hearing were beeps. Howard said that they can figure it out so he had to dump out of it.
Eric asked if they're going to have Vince McMahon on the air this week. Howard said that they're not. He said that this whole thing was boring the hell out of him so he had to get out of this. He hung up on Eric and Johnny after that. He said he could listen to that all day but he knows the audience gets bored. He had to go to break after that.
Howard said that if she ever wants to, she can put her feet up on the web site. She said that she had pink nail polish on today.
Howard said that Beth asked him to go get a manicure one time so his nails wouldn't hurt anymore. He said that he didn't care about doing it. Lisa said that she doesn't like getting manicures. She said that she doesn't care about having shiny nails.
Howard said he heard that Lisa was upset about him making fun of her sandals yesterday. Lisa said that she wasn't upset about it. She ended up goofing on Howard for wearing giant construction boots in the winter. Artie said that he just has some sneakers and work boots and that's it.
Lisa got to her news preview and talked about some of the staff not going to get regular check ups and stuff. She said that Ronnie refuses to get a colonoscopy. Howard said that he went and got one and it was a pain in the ass. Robin laughed when he said that. He said that he didn't even mean it to be funny. He said that he went to sleep laying on a table and woke up in a chair. He said that really freaked him out. Artie said that they can do some weird stuff to you when you're out too.
Howard said that when he got up off the paper that he was sitting on, there was brown ass juice there. He said that there were remnants there from the colonoscopy. He said it was really embarrassing.
Ronnie came in so Howard asked him why he won't get a colonoscopy. Ronnie said that he didn't want to do that story but Lisa purposely did it anyway. He said that she can't handle the show. Ronnie said that Lisa ran out of there almost in tears after Artie made fun of her. He said that she gets upset about a lot of stuff in there and Howard doesn't know half of what goes on out there.
Ronnie said that he doesn't want anyone doing a story on his colonoscopy. Artie told him that he really has to get it done. Ronnie said that he doesn't want to do it. Ronnie asked Robin if she's had one done. She said that she hasn't. Howard said that she's sticking everything else up her ass so why not do that.
Ronnie said that he's not afraid to do it but he doesn't need someone going up his ass. Howard told Ronnie that he wasn't saying the word right and asked him to repeat it a few times. He was saying ''colonostopy.''
Howard told Ronnie that he didn't want a pipe up his ass but he heard that the pain of going through colon cancer pain is a hell of a lot worse. Ronnie said that they had a guy they used to work with and he had his whole insides fall out when he had his check done. Howard said that guy wasn't all that healthy.
Lisa mentioned another story about Richard Christy appearing in a new movie and how he'll be appearing at a Fangoria convention to promote the new movie. Howard let Lisa go after that and joked that she was going to go out in the hall and cry now.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he wanted to see Lisa's feet or at least get an evaluation of them. Howard said that she's not into doing that but they might get some pictures of them up on the web site today.
Another caller said that he thinks that Lisa is a stalker and she's probably going to kill him. Howard said that she's really not like that and he's misreading the situation. He said that Alanis was there so he had to get to her. He had to take a break first though.
Gary came into the studio and moved some stuff around. That led to Howard goofing on him and Gary talking about how things haven't changed since the first time Howard started making fun of him. They had to go to break a short time later.
Howard said that he had Alanis Morissette in the studio with a couple of musicians, David Levitt and Jason Orme. He talked to Alanis about the hot women that were in her entourage today. Alanis said that she's like a magnet for the hot chicks.
Howard was having some audio problems so he asked Scott what to do. Scott told him what the problem might be and then walked out of the studio. Fred joked that Scott was going to go take a shit. Scott came back in a few seconds later and said that he was checking some settings. He wasn't able to find the problem. Fred asked Scott if it was Howard's microphone.
Howard said he had someone standing over his shoulder and it was making him nervous. He told Scott to go away. He got back to Alanis and talked to her about what a big fan he is of hers. He said that this latest album she has out, ''Flavors Of Entanglement,'' is going to be great because it's about her latest break up with Ryan Reynolds.
Howard told Alanis that he didn't even know who this Ryan guy was and he was still a nobody. He asked her about her song writing and how she uses those break ups creatively to write her songs.
Howard said that Ryan Reynolds started dating Scarlett Johansson and she just put out an album. He was going to play some of her music for Alanis but Alanis said that she wasn't going to comment on it because it was none of her business.
Howard said that when Alanis announced that she was going to a shrink 5 days a week after her break up, that gives Ryan too much power. Alanis said that she didn't do it because of that, she did it for herself.
Howard asked Alanis how the break up happened with that guy. She didn't seem to want to get into it. She said that it takes two to tango and they both had something to do with it. She said that she saw that everything would eventually be perfect and it is. Howard said that he's glad that she's single but he did read that she's banging someone. Alanis said that she's not talking about him yet.
Howard asked Alanis how long she waits before banging another guy. Alanis said that there's banging and then there's committing. She said that she didn't stop having sex after the break up. She said that she's a very sexual person and she said she had spoken to Howard about that before.
Howard asked Alanis again how long she waited to have sex. Alanis said that she waited a couple of months. Howard said that dudes wait just a few minutes. He said that they wait an hour and go on. Alanis said that men drag out the misery for years though and women don't do that.
Alanis said that she saw this break up coming. Howard asked her if Ryan is the type of guy who bangs his co-stars and just moves on. She said she can't speak for him. Howard asked the guys in the band if they thought Ryan was an asshole. Alanis told them to have no comment. Howard said that he would have told her if he thought he was an asshole. He said he told her that when she left the last time. Alanis said that he didn't even know who the guy was.
Howard asked Alanis how she has changed. She said that she's changed a lot going to therapy 5 days a week. Howard said he's been going to therapy for 10 years and he hasn't changed. Alanis said that she is less resistant to things that come at her in life. She said some stuff that went right over Howard's head. He said that she was way too deep for him.
Howard asked how many songs on the album are about this guy. She said that maybe 50 percent are about ex-boyfriends and not just this one.
Howard asked her if she still talks to Ryan and when the last time was. She said that she doesn't talk about that. She said that she would talk to him if he was there though. Howard asked if she still cries over it. Alanis said that she doesn't cry over it anymore.
Howard asked Alanis about having sex for the first time after Ryan. She said that she dated some people after Ryan and didn't commit to anyone. She said that she took a longer break than usual after that break up.
Howard said that Alanis shouldn't date actors anymore. Artie said that she hasn't, have you seen that guy's work? He said that they're on Team Morissette and they're going to bash that guy.
Howard asked Alanis where she met the next guy and if she's good in bed. Alanis was saying that she loves everything. Howard asked her about anal and stuff like that. Howard told her that Robin said that she doesn't like oral and won't swallow a man's load. He said that he would never spit Robin out.
Howard said that Alanis said that she has tried lesbianism and he was surprised by that. Alanis said that it's a rite of passage to experiment like that. She said that she tried it when she was in her teens and 20s. She said that she wasn't into any particular type. Howard asked what kind of women she did have back then. Alanis said that she's ''pretty heterosexual'' now.
Howard asked Alanis what brought her to a woman. She said that she likes to connect with people and that's how she was doing it back then. Alanis wasn't giving Howard all of the details about where she found the woman or anything like that. She said that women are everywhere. Artie said that you go to Snatch.com to find the lesbians.
Howard asked Alanis where she met these women but Alanis said that he was cute asking her about this. She said that she wasn't ashamed by this but she does have a privacy respect and she's not going to tell him where she met.
Howard asked Alanis to play an old song for them and then they'd get back to that other stuff. Alanis and the guys performed ''Hand In My Pocket.'' Howard gave her a plug for the new album and then had them do their thing.
After the song Howard told her that was beautiful. He told her he likes her shoes too. He asked how she found those two guys who played guitar for her. She said that she had some auditions back around 2001. She said that they walked in and played and it was all over. Howard told them that they're really good. He said he took some lessons but it didn't go anywhere.
Howard asked Alanis if she's ever hit on the guys in the band. She said that she did date one band mate but it's best not to do that. Howard asked if she was upset that Taylor Hawkins left her band to play for the Foo Fighters. She said that once she saw him playing for the Foo Fighters she realized that was the right thing for him to do.
Howard said that he heard that Ryan had tried to set up a dinner date so she could meet Scarlett Johansson. Alanis said that was just a rumor.
Howard asked Alanis if her parents pushed her into an acting career. She said that they didn't really push her. Her father found a casting call that he brought her to and that led to her getting a job. She said that she thinks that if little kids get into acting too early it can be kind of abusive. She said that her parents were just doing the best that they could do.
Howard asked Alanis what this new song was that she was going to be playing today. She said that a lot of people interpret them differently. She didn't explain what the song was about.
Howard asked Alanis about the lesbian experience she had and if she ever wrote a song about that woman. She said she hadn't. Then Howard asked her about the lesbian thing and if she had tried a threesome. Alanis gave him a lot of ''no comment'' answers. She said that they could take that as a no or a yes.
Howard found out that Alanis had taken some video with former lovers and talked to her about what he would do if he was shooting her on video. He said that he'd make her do a casting call kind of thing with him. Alanis asked him about his fiancee and found out that he's getting married in a few months. Howard said that he's looking forward to the marriage. He said that he's still got to go to therapy to try and be a good husband. He said he's going to try his best to be a good husband since he did such a bad job the first time.
Howard said that he loves when Alanis puts out a new album. He asked her if she performs her old songs the way she did it in there today. Alanis said they have 3 different versions of that song that they perform. Howard said that this song that she was going to perform must be very painful for her to sing. She said that it's really not. Howard wanted her to sing about ''the dude'' (Ryan) but Alanis said that the song is about ''the dudes'' that she's dated. It's not just about one guy. She tried explaining it to Howard but no one understood what she was talking about.
After the song Howard said that song said it all, that Ryan guy is a real schmuck. He said that Alanis was smiling during that song and he wondered if she was happy. Alanis said that it all depends on the song she's singing. She said that song makes her happy but some make her sad so she will have a frown during those songs.
Howard told Alanis that she was delightful and he said he really was concerned for her when she was going through her break up. He said that he'll never like that guy because of what he did to her. He said that guy broke her heart. Alanis said that she thinks that she broke her own heart. Howard didn't know what she was talking about so he tried to dig deeper. Alanis was talking about love and what that means to her and Howard had no idea what they were talking about.
Howard asked Alanis about the tattoo she had on her. She said she got that about a year and a half ago. She said that she had one that says ''breathe'' to remind her to breathe. She said that she has another one that reminds her to be gentle. Artie suggested one that says ''Don't date shitheads.''
Howard said that he wants to meet this new guy that she's dating. She said that she does love him but it's a different kind of love. She said that he's an environmental lawyer. Howard said that's the right kind of guy for her to date. He said that sounds about right.
Howard said that he can imagine going out with Alanis and her taking out a guitar and strumming some for him. Alanis said that she's not like that and she's not obsessed with any particular instruments.
Howard said that he knows more about this guy she's dating than she thinks. Howard said that his name is Tom. She sounded surprised that he knew that.
Artie sang a little bit for Alanis. He was singing an Anne Murray song for her and going crazy with that. He wouldn't stop so Howard and Alanis were talking over him. Howard told Alanis that she should take him out on the road with her.
Howard told Artie to sing some Biggie Smalls for her. He went into the one Biggie song that he knew but only got through a couple of lines. Howard gave Alanis a few plugs for the album and some upcoming shows she was doing over in Europe. She said that they're flying to Amsterdam today. You can find out more about the dates at Alanis.com.
Howard said that he wants to know more details about her lesbian experiences. Alanis said that he'd have to share with her too. Howard said that he'd share some stories with her if she asks. She asked about him having a three way. Howard said that there was one night, about 8 or 9 years ago, before he met Beth. He said that he was messing around with the girls and one of the girls grabbed his penis and put it into her mouth and he wasn't into it. He said that it was too late by that point though.
Howard asked Alanis about her threesome. She asked if she could perform another song. Howard said he'd save that stuff for the next time she's in.
Artie told Alanis to try the pancakes over in Amsterdam. He said he was there and had them and they were great. Howard asked Alanis about smoking weed over there and she said that she will be smoking over there. She said that she has tried acid and loved that too. Howard told her how crazy he went when he tried acid. Alanis said that she has never tried coke but she has tried qualudes and loved them as well. She said she's tried mushrooms, hash and hash oil. Howard said that it sounds like she's tried quite a bit. She said that she was overly cautious in her youth and she's made up for that.
Howard told Alanis about how he snorted heroin one time accidentally. He thought it was coke and it just made him sick. He wrapped up with Alanis and the guys a short time later and went to break.
Howard said he heard that Charlie hasn't spoken to Dave Chappelle since Dave's show went off the air. Charlie came in a few seconds later and ended up talking about their old home town of Roosevelt, Long island. Charlie said that he doesn't go back there at all. He said that no one that he knows of goes back there.
Howard asked Charlie about Dave Chappelle and if he's spoken to him since the show went off the air. Charlie said that he actually has spoken to him a few times but not in the past couple of years. He said that Dave doesn't want to talk about what happened with the show with anyone.
Howard said that he thinks that Dave had a complete nervous breakdown. Charlie said that he doesn't know what happened there. He said that something is going on but he's not sure what. Howard said that maybe Dave secretly wants to be a woman or something.
Artie said that Dave is doing a lot of stand up comedy but Charlie said that he hasn't even been out doing that lately. He said he hasn't heard anything about him being out for the past year or so.
Howard asked Charlie if he thinks that Dave is getting offered a lot of movies and stuff. Charlie said that he's not sure. Howard said that Dave had this huge success with his TV show and then he just dropped off the face of the earth. Charlie said that Dave was rich before he did that show and made a lot of money doing stand-up.
Artie talked about working with Dave about a year before he had his TV show and he hated TV and movies even before that. Artie said that his buddy called him and told him that they wanted to offer Dave to do a Right Guard commercial back then and they were going to pay him $750,000. Charlie said that's the kind of deals he was getting before he had the success with the Comedy Central show.
Howard asked Charlie what's up with his brother Eddie these days. He said that Eddie is just being a playboy these days. The guys talked about Eddie flying the family out for a wedding over in some other country. Charlie said that he wasn't there for that and he described it as a ''Fantasy Island'' wedding.
Howard asked Charlie if he ever goes up to his brother and asks him what the hell he's doing. Charlie said that he does. Howard said he hopes that he's holding on to his money. Charlie said that his brother is doing just fine and has plenty of money.
Howard talked to Charlie about his family and his kids. Charlie said that he lives in the same house as his kids. Howard asked him if he smokes weed. He said that he does but he doesn't ''love'' it. He said that he smokes with his bro's sometimes. He said that he doesn't have any hoes to smoke with.
Charlie said that when he's not with his kids he's working on his comedy. He said that's like a full time job for him. He said he knows how important that is.
Charlie talked about going over to Sweden to do some comedy one time and it went just as well over there as it does here. He said that they actually understood him over there and he's going back to tour the whole country soon.
Howard said you can find out more of his dates at CharlieMurphyComedy.com. He's also in a movie called ''Bar Stars.''
Howard talked about Ryan Reynolds again after they brought up the movie Van Wilder. Howard said that it's really got to suck for Alanis that Ryan started going out with Scarlett Johansson.
Howard and Charlie talked about John McCain and Barack Obama a little bit. Charlie said that he's going to vote for Barack. They spent a short time talking about him and how Charlie had met him once.
Howard said that they're having phone problems because they're completely knocked out. He said that's why he hasn't taken any calls lately.
Howard and Charlie talked about Barack some more and Charlie was saying that if Barack was as dark as he is, then he wouldn't be getting treated the same way he is. He said that it's good that he's getting into this now because that means that someone darker than him could do the same thing he's doing some day. They spent a few minutes on that subject.
Howard said that Charlie is doing a big show soon. He was going to give him a plug but Charlie told a story about how he had to sleep on a highway down in West Virginia. He said that they were coming home from the gig when they got stuck in traffic. They closed the freeway from 7pm to 9am because they had a sniper down there. Charlie said that they were in a big, white limo at the time and they would have been a big target. He said that they ended up sleeping there. Howard wrapped up with him a short time later and went to break.
Howard said that their interview with Rosie O'Donnell made the tabloids. He read through some of those stories where they pointed out some of the stuff Rosie talked about.
Howard said that he saw some video of Vern Troyer crying over the death of Heath Ledger. JD came in and said that it's still tough for him to talk about and he may be able to get him to cry when he comes in there for an interview.
Artie said that he does a routine where he does some Heath Ledger material and his agent thought that they should remove it from the HBO special he did. He said that people might take it the wrong way.
Howard showed a picture of Oprah Winfrey's Bentley that she was driving around in recently. Howard also mentioned the ''StedMan'' cartoon that Artie mentioned yesterday. He said he watched it and it was great. He talked about some of the funny stuff in the video like when Oprah catches Stedman with a stripper and he takes her and throws her out the window and claims it was Mr. Evil or something. He said it was just good.
Artie said that the animation was really insulting to Oprah too because she has bags under her eyes and stuff. Artie said that the cartoon may have been too nutty to put on SNL and he's pretty sure it aired on Bob Smigel's ''TV Funhouse.'' He said he saw Smigel at Conan's show one day and he told him how great some of those shows were that he was doing. It was actually costing Bob money to do that show for Comedy Central.
Howard talked about some of the other funny moments in the cartoon. James Brolin is another super hero like Stedman is. They both avoid their wives by pretending to be super heroes.
Shuli said that High Pitch Eric has already started training for the Craptacular against Joey Boots. That led to Artie doing his impression of Eric and talking about how he's working on his two step training where he eats and shits. Shuli said that he's been training by eating Nathan's hot dogs and stuff like that.
Howard said that Eric should eat a lot of fiber on the day of the diet. Shuli said that he thinks that he and Steve should both cover the event and have the two of them shitting at the same time just a couple of feet away from each other.
Shuli said that he stayed at Eric's place for 14 hours that first time they did that. He said that Ralph came over and ran right to the window to puke when he smelled the apartment. Howard said that he remembers getting caught up in that whole thing when they did it the first time.
Howard checked the phones to see if they were working and had a guy on the line who asked what a Mishkite was. Howard told him that's an ugly person.
Shuli got back to his news preview and said that they spoke to the woman who lost her teaching job after appearing on the show. She's very happy that Artie is doing the benefit show for them.
Howard took a call from Sour Shoes who asked Robin if she would appear on The View as a regular if she was asked to do that. Robin said that she had to talk to Howard about that. She asked if they could get off the air by 11 every day. Howard said that they could do that. He asked her if she would quit this show to do that show. Robin said that would be a different discussion. It depends on if they end the show in 2 and a half years or not.
Sour Shoes was making some odd noises on the phone so Howard asked about that. Sour Shoes was in the pool. He started to play some music but Howard hung up on him. He said that Robin sure seems like she's ready to bail on this show. Robin said that it all depends on if they're ending this show in 2 years or not.
Jon Hein ran down the list of stuff they were going to try and cover today on the Wrap Up Show. Steve the intern came in and gave an Intern Show preview. He said that they may talk to Jared Fox about his cousin who is an intern there. Steve said that she's one of the more attractive interns there this semester. Steve said that Shuli has done three interviews with her so far this semester and he didn't do any interviews with the interns last semester. They talked about how JD could get back at Jared if he dated his cousin.
Howard started goofing on JD since he was brought up during the Intern Show preview. He spent a minute doing that and then moved on to Robin's news.
Jeff the Drunk called in and said that Alanis Morissette sounded awesome. He also said that his power went out last night. Howard said that's a shame because he knows that he needs that power to do important things. Howard said that he knows that Jeff has money because he smokes and people who smoke have extra money to spend. Jeff said that he is strapped for money. He said that he could use some money. Artie said that this is the begging Jeff now. Jeff said that he's not on his knees. Howard let him go.
Robin said that there's a guy claiming that nuclear war will be declared today or tomorrow. She brought up the new Hulk movie and asked what happened to their screening. Howard said that they were supposed to have one at 4 o'clock yesterday but they backed out. He said that he just wants a DVD of the movie.
Robin said that they've explained why Hulk doesn't lose his pants in the movie. They have Bruce Banner buying big pants to make sure that they don't come off when he hulks up.
Robin read a story about a child that was born with a penis on his back. The other baby was absorbed into this child's baby and the penis was the only thing left. It was removed in surgery.
Howard took a call from a guy who said there was a story in the paper about Mel Karmazin misleading people. Howard said it was a Senator Brownback thing and it's just the NAB trying to stop the merger. Howard said that SIRIUS answered the accusations and said that it was a bunch of bull.
Robin read a story about a guy who weighs 700 pounds and found a woman to marry him. The guys pointed out that JD can't even find a woman.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he saw that Tony Stark, the Iron Man character, makes a cameo appearance in the Hulk movie. Howard said that's kind of cool and he'd love to see Hulk fight Iron Man.
Robin read some news about heroin use being on the rise in New York. That led to Artie talking about how much of that stuff he was doing back in 2005. He said that he was going through like 5 bags a day when he was doing it. He said that he was paying like $100 a bag too.
Robin read a story about a guy who jumped from a skydiving plane with no parachute to commit suicide. She had some news about the tomatoes that were recalled for fear of salmonella poisoning. She had some audio clips of experts talking about what could happen if you do eat contaminated tomatoes.
Robin read a story about Michael Strahan from the NY Giants retiring. She had some news about how some basketball games may have been rigged.
Robin read some news about Hulk Hogan going on Larry King's show to explain his conversations with his son in jail. Howard said he had some clips from that Larry King Show so he played those. Hulk ended up breaking down and crying during the interview. They played that clip and some other clips from the interview.
Howard talked about the last time he was on Larry King and Larry asked Beth to come in and sit in the studio during the interview.
Robin read some news about someone who went crazy due to having to wait in line for gas. Robin asked Howard if the kids get him anything for Father's day. He said that it's hit or miss with that stuff. He said they don't always. Robin said that they have a TV show where they suggest having the whole family clean up the garage for Father's day. Howard said he can't imagine his kids ever doing something like that.
Howard said that he just organized his garage. He said that he has tools and stuff in his garage but the only thing he fixes are his glasses.
Robin had some news about the Jim McKay funeral. She had some audio of some people singing there and that led to Fred playing some Baba Booey opera clips. Howard said he wants that woman at his funeral. He told Artie to make sure she's there but Artie said that he'd be long gone by that time.
Robin read some news about the new TV show ''Celebrity Circus'' and more about the new Hulk movie. She had some audio of Edward Norton talking about the movie. Howard said he still wants that DVD so he can see the movie.
Robin read a story about Scarlett Johansson talking about how Barack Obama wrote her back when she e-mailed her. That led to the guys talking about how that's not going to help Barack out because it shows he has too much spare time on his hands. They made fun of Scarlett for thinking that a guy like that is e-mailing her because he does that for everyone. He's e-mailing her back because she's hot.
Howard wondered what guy has time to write back to someone like that. He did an impression of Barack answering her e-mails and goofed on the two of them a little bit. Artie said that these celebrities don't help out the Democrats at all. Howard said that Barack is e-mailing a gorgeous movie star and not anyone else. The guys spent a few minutes goofing around with their impressions of Barack.
Robin had some audio of Scarlett Johansson talking about a co-star of hers and kissing her ass. Robin said she had some news about Paul Newman and the rumors that he had cancer. She said that they're claiming the rumors are false. Robin wrapped up her news after a story about Michael Vick. Howard ended the show around 10:30am.
Jon said that he's not sure what it is about Alanis' voice but you sure know who she is. Gary said that she always delivers when she's on the show. He said that she can really sing and she's not like so many of the other singers out there who can't sing for real.
Gary said that he's a huge Alanis Morissette fan and he thought that she didn't have a sense of humor in the past. He said that after the first time she was on he saw her in a different light because she did have a sense of humor.
Jon and Gary talked about Alanis being on ''You Can't Do That On Television'' many years ago. They also talked about how comfortable she seems to be with Howard when she's in. Gary said that she may have been a little nervous the first time she was on the show. She seems to be much more comfortable now.
Jon played a clip of Howard talking to Alanis about love and Howard not understanding what she was talking about. Gary said that he likes listening to that stuff when she's talking about it. He said he may not agree with it though.
The guys talked about the guys that Alanis has dated like Dave Coulier and how surprised they were when they found out that's who she was singing about her early songs.
Jon took a call from a guy who wanted to know what kind of bush Alanis has. Howard didn't ask about that so the guys were just speculating on what she might have down there. Gary said that he has a feeling that she's got a full bush down there.
Jon took another call from a guy who said that he thinks Alanis sounds so distinctive when she's singing is because she's so emotional when she's singing her songs. The guy was also saying that he thought they did a great job with those songs today. Jon said that they agree with him on that.
Jon talked about Howard going off on Scott during the interview and how that seems to happen with every music performance. Gary said that he has flashbacks to previous fuck ups over at K-Rock when Howard does that with Scott.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he had a picture of Alanis and she has a full bush down there. Gary asked how he knows it's not faked. The guy said it could be.
Another caller said that he thinks that Alanis sounds so distinctive because she has a bit of a yodeling thing going on.
Some more callers speculated on Alanis having a hairy bush. One guy said that Alanis seems to be filled with anger and rage. Gary said that she's not all about anger and rage because some of her songs are softer and more mellow. Gary asked him if he sensed anger and rage today. The caller said no but he finds her to be kind of tough. Gary said that he thinks he's reading too much into it.
Jon took another call from a guy who said he loves to hear the live performances in the studio and asked if they've thought about putting them together. Gary said that they have toyed with that idea but they'd have to license all of the songs and that would be a nightmare.
Gary said that Howard was one of the first people to have bands come in and perform acoustically. He said that they once went to L.A. where they were in a room with a ton of other radio stations and they were the only ones to have the Black Crowes perform a song for them. the next day everyone had instruments and had bands performing live for them. Gary said that he thinks that's where the show Unplugged came from.
Jon brought up Dave Grohl's performance of ''Everlong'' that he did on the show and how that turned into a huge hit on the radio. Gary said that Dave had never done it before and they kind of insisted that he do it but even Dave didn't want to do it. Gary said that Dave was shocked when it blew up the way it did and thanked them for seeing something that he didn't even see working.
A caller said that it appears that Artie is definitely annoyed that Gary is going on the Iraq trip. Gary said that he got the same impression but Artie insists that he's not upset about it. Gary said he was going to bail on the trip at one point. He said that he thinks that Artie is just goofing on him when he gets the chance and he's really not upset with him. Gary said that he's not taking another comedian's place because they didn't have another comedian going along. Gary said that there could be something to it but he's not sure.
Another caller said that he thinks that Ralph is just jealous of Gary. Gary said that Ralph hasn't really even established a career at this point in his life. He said that he does work as Howard's stylist and Benjy pointed that out. He said that he is making money doing that. Jon said that Ralph lives a very non-traditional lifestyle and he's done that for a very long time.
Gary said that if you asked Ralph if he thought he'd be at this point in his life and still be doing the same thing, he might say he wouldn't have expected it. Gary said that he thinks that there might be something going on with Artie and Ralph's stories because Artie had to have said something to Ralph that got him to tell Howard about it. He said that it could be just a theory that he has but he thinks that Artie may have endorsed it.
Jon took a call from a guy who had corrected Gary about his pronunciation of ''timbre'' earlier in the show. Gary had looked it up and said that his pronunciation was acceptable for that word. The caller said that Gary's pronunciation wasn't the preferred and he refused to apologize to Gary for correcting him.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Ralph has ever stuck around to see what Gary does for his job there. Gary said that Ralph has spent a lot of time there but he may not know that they're working almost around the clock there. They're always in contact via e-mail. Gary said that he has an office at home and he's always sending out mail and printing stuff out for work the next day. He doesn't know if Ralph would want to do that. Gary asked where Ralph was because he expected that he would have called in by now.
A caller said that Ralph is such a petty fuck and he hates him. The guy said that he thinks Ralph is jealous of all of their success and that's why he acts the way he does.
Benjy said that they never really asked Artie if he said what he said to Ralph point blank. They spent a couple of minutes talking about Ralph and what they think about him.
Gary said that he was just getting over the ''Artie doesn't want me on the USO tour'' thing when this came up today. He said that he really is bothered when he thinks about someone not liking him. Jon wanted to move along after that.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Gary if he ever thought about writing a song to his girl when he was making that ''take me back'' tape. Gary said he never did. Benjy said that he actually wrote a song for a girl that he liked. He said he really liked this girl Mary Ann. Gary said that Benjy was like a puppy dog in love. Benjy said he really was but they're just good friends now.
Jason said that he dated a girl once and he had to stop seeing her but he sent her a tape of him singing the Motley Crue song ''Without You'' to her on tape. He said that it was a long video and it was him pouring his heart out to her. He said that at some point he ended up in his underwear. Teddy played the song that Jason sang for the girl but Jason didn't remember the lyrics right away. He eventually remembered them and started to sing. The guys were just staring at him while he sang. Jason said that the tape didn't do anything to get them back together.
A caller asked how Alanis was looking today. Gary said that he thought she looked a lot like Carmen Electra with the hair style she had today. Benjy thought that she looked a little heavier than she has in the past today. They spent a couple of minutes on that and then went to break.
Jon asked the guys what they thought about Charlie Murphy this morning. They talked about how funny they find him to be and how good he was on the show this morning.
They were also talking about the discussions that Howard and Charlie were having about Barack Obama and how it seems that Howard is trying to sabotage the election for the guy.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that it really does seem like Howard doesn't like the guy and he really doesn't want him elected. The guys went over that for a short time and Jon played a clip from the interview where Howard and Charlie were talking about Barack.
Jason said that he remembered being at K-Rock and Dave Chappelle stopped by to hang out when Howard was off. He said that the guy was really nice and friendly when he'd come by. The guys said that they heard that Chappelle had been out skate boarding out on the streets of New York City not too long ago.
Jon asked what they think of Charlie's relationship with his brother Eddie. Gary said that he's not sure if there is a relationship there. He said that it's also startling to see Charlie because he looks like Eddie if he had pumped iron. Jason said that Charlie seems to talk to his brother once in a while like any brother would do.
Benjy said that Artie's agent should be able to get him out of that kind of stuff. He said that Artie really doesn't want to do the stuff they have planned for him at this point and he doesn't want to look like a fool on the cover of his book.
Gary said that he knows what Artie is thinking because Howard once dressed up as a devil for a photo shoot and it was the worst picture ever.
The guys talked about some of the Artie pictures that they were looking at today and how funny they were. They really liked the one where Doug and Gange were dragging him off stage in Vegas.
Jon got in a quick mention for the open casting call that Howard TV is doing for the Beat the Booey contest. He went to the phones after that. A caller asked more about Alanis and how Howard once threatened to ban her from their radio station when they were on K-Rock. They talked about that a little bit.
Jon brought up the story about Ronnie not getting a colonoscopy and how upset he got with Lisa G about that. Gary said that Ronnie may pick on her a bit much and that may have upset Lisa and that's why she went with the story even when Ronnie asked her not to.
The guys took some more phone calls and one guy asked about the phone system this morning. Gary said that he heard it was the phone company. Jason said that they always blame an outside source even when everyone else's phone systems are working just fine. Jason said that the phones go out like once a week and they can tell them anything they want to there. He said that they use a new system there that's kind of temperamental and they won't fix it, they just blame someone else. He said it gets to be an old excuse after a while.
The caller was saying that he thinks that Ralph is leaching off the show and picking from the droppings of the show. He said that he thinks that he's just trying to get through life by doing as little as possible.
Another caller brought up Ralph and the way he treats Gary. Gary talked about how he thought that he and Ralph had an understanding but he's not sure about that now. Gary said that Ralph once threw his jacket off a seat in the Private Parts screening and told him that a coat doesn't save a seat for anyone.
A caller said that he found Robin's voice to be very sexy and he wanted to beat off to it today. Gary said that Howard has been breaking Robin's balls a bit but it's almost good natured compared to the way he treats the rest of them. Gary said that Howard freaks out when he has anything in his throat. He said that he once threw away his lunch when he came in with a little phlegm in his throat.
Jon took one last call from a woman who said that she loves monkeys but Gary is being a bad monkey this morning. She didn't even get to finish because they had to end the show. Gary said he didn't follow what she was saying anyway. They ended the show a short time later.
Howard started off the show saying that he was reading about Robin in the newspaper today. He said that there's a story about famous women who detox and Robin is mentioned in there. He said it basically said that they're all full of shit. He told her what they were talking about how there is never anything on the linings of the colon when they do colonoscopies and the enemas that these people are doing isn't cleaning out anything extra.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that the interview with Alanis Morissette was great. The caller said that when Howard asked her about doing American Idol she seemed to be a little nervous. He said that she was actually on Star Search. Howard said he didn't know that.
The caller said that he saw the Forbes list of the most powerful people in the country but Howard's name wasn't on that list. Howard said that he read it was on the list. He said that he does have a lot of power there and he gets people's names to the top of the most searched google terms when they come on the show and that doesn't happen anywhere else. Howard said that it really doesn't matter to him if he's on that list or not.
The caller asked if Howard's daughters listen to the show. Howard said that they don't listen at all and he's fine with that. He said that he's not sure how they feel about what he does for a living. Artie asked if he thinks that maybe they just lie about it. Howard said they're not like that and he doesn't think they actually listen.
Howard said his parents listen to the show every day but the kids don't from what he can tell. He said that he's not sure if they're even proud of him or not. He said they've never expressed anything about that to him. He said they do live a good lifestyle though.
Gary said that Howard's daughter was at a dinner out in Las Vegas and she was asking who Beetlejuice was and obviously had no idea who he was. He said that it didn't seem like she was a listener.
Howard said it would make it uncomfortable for him to explain to his kids what he does for a living. He's glad that he doesn't have to do that. Howard said that his kids probably prefer that their friends not ask them about what their father does for a living.
Howard said that his kids have come by the show and have worked with the guys there on some stuff. He said that he is pretty well known and famous and maybe his kids don't want to relate to him like that. He really doesn't know. He told Robin to call them and ask herself.
Artie said that he met Emily at that dinner in Vegas and she kind of indicated that she listens sometimes. He said she was very nice and said that he's good on the show. Howard said that he'll tell Emily how Artie is and she'll give him a ''Oh no!'' when she hears the stories about him.
Robin said that Emily doesn't like her anymore after they've had some words about some stuff. Howard said he didn't want to get into what that was about. He said he told Emily he didn't like the way she spoke to Robin and he told her that. Robin said she didn't like that either. Robin said that she wasn't able to call her the last time she wanted to talk to her. She thinks that she's burned the bridge with her now anyway.
The caller asked if Howard would change his show if he knew his kids were listening every day. Howard said he's not sure about that. He doesn't think so. Robin said that he might change the show if he knew that. Robin said that Howard isn't even feeling women's breasts anymore or doming anything like that.
Howard played the clip of Gary talking to Juliette Frette about Artie and she said that she wasn't interested in Artie ''in that capacity.'' She was saying that Artie is probably out of her generation and not really her type. She said that he's really not her type a couple of different times.
Artie said that he was gushing about that chick just a couple of weeks ago and then she goes and rips his heart out. Fred played the Nilsson Schmilsson song ''You're Breaking My Heart'' as they were talking about that.
Howard asked Artie what happened with his photo shoot yesterday. Artie said that he ended up doing it. He said they did love the photos that he brought with him. He said that he would like to use them for the book. Howard said that if they don't use it for the cover then he wants them for the foreword to the book.
Howard brought up the Bowling Beauties show that airs the final episode starting today. They have a show called Security Man where they follow Ronnie around in the halls there. He said they have a Best of the Wrap Up Show special that they're going to have soon. They also have a Wack Pack Bowling show with Jeff the Drunk, Nicole Bass, John the Stutterer, Elephant Boy and others. High Pitch Eric turned them down because he has a job. H
Mike Gange came in and said that they wanted to get Jim Florentine to do that show but he's booked. They're going to call Colin Quinn and try to get him to do it.
Howard said that they have a special where some Wack Packers go to Richard Christy's parents home in Kansas. Howard said that they have some other stuff like Behind the Scenes with the Killers of Comedy and more in the works. He said he didn't want to get into all of it.
The caller said that Artie said that this is the greatest job in the world and he wonders why they don't let him do the painting of the breasts and stuff like that. Howard said that he has let Artie do that kind of stuff. Artie said that he's become the show creep over the past few years but Benjy is breathing down his neck trying to be that person.
Barbara Walters was talking to Kate about Lance Armstrong who she's rumored to be dating but Kate didn't want to talk about it. She said that she heard that he was going to be on the show next week and maybe they should ask him. Kate told Barbara that she doesn't want to talk about her personal life like that.
Howard said that he thinks that if you're in 3 shitty movies in a row, you shouldn't be allowed in an fourth. He said that they should have to prove themselves in a really good one. Artie said that she was in a good movie called ''How to Lose a Guy In 10 Days.'' Howard read through her resume and all of the bad movies that she's been in. She was in ''Almost Famous'' which was probably one of the more successful of the movies she's been in.
Kate was also in ''You Me and Dupree'' which made some good money. Gary said that it only made $75 million. Fred said it was $135 from what he read. Artie said that was probably the world wide take.
Howard said that Kate could keep working for a long time after doing something like ''Almost Famous.'' They talked about some of the other movies she was in and how they did good enough that she can keep working in movies whether she did shitty ones or not.
Artie said he might have to get that on DVD. Howard said he has them on DVD. He said that show is his Seinfeld. He said he really loved it.
Howard said he had some other stuff to play. He first gave a shout out to Tom Bergeron for coming up there and cutting some stuff for them. He said he recorded their big special that they're working on for the Game Shows that they've played on the show. He played a clip of Tom cursing away in the studio during the recording session.
Gary came in and tried to tell Howard something about Tom but they played a Baba Booey song parody over him. Gary eventually got to talk to Howard about how Jon Hein wrote all of the intros for Tom and the names of the games were kind of racy themselves. Jon had to explain to Tom what the games were and it was kind of strange to do that.
Howard said that it's great to have a game show host acting as the host of a special like that. Artie said that Tom Bergeron was working on Hollywood Squares when he was doing that at one time. He said that the guy works really hard and does a ton of those shows on the weekends. He said he's a really nice guy too.
Howard said he had some Lauren Hutton audio where she got an award of some kind. He said that they were the A-List Awards and he's not even sure if Lauren is an A-lister anymore. He said that she was acting very strange in this clip. He played it and Hutton was rambling on and on and not making much sense. She said that she had been up for 46 hours straight and wasn't sure if she could stand up there.
Howard said that she had an idea to melt down all of the awards in the industry and use that to fill up the ozone.
Howard played a clip of Kathie Lee Gifford interviewing Lauren Hutton the next day and Lauren was talking more nonsense on that show. Howard said that she has to be wackier than any Wack Packer out there. She was mentioning testosterone a lot in those clips. Robin said that she thinks that she's been cheated on a lot and she has to justify it by talking about men and testosterone.
Howard went off on Kathie Lee Gifford a little bit too because of her nutty comments. Howard said that people drive him nuts when they try to come off as intelligent and they're really not. He and Artie goofed on them a little bit.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he thinks that they ditched the game show Dial-A-Date when they stopped working on Fridays. Howard and Robin said that had nothing to do with dropping the game. Howard said that they're actually working on a new Dial-A-Date with Cindy Margolis so she's going to come in and play the game with 3 listeners. Howard had to hang up on the caller because he was annoyed by him.
Howard and Robin talked about Cindy and how she was on some show recently talking about how she was single and looking for a man who will love her and her 3 kids. Howard said that's a lot of baggage for a guy to take on. He said he finds it hard to believe that Jim Carrey is still with Jenny McCarthy and her kid with Autism. He said that he figured he'd be gone by now.
Howard said that he heard that this song ''I Like to Fuck'' is a hit song. He played some of the song and Artie said it was one of the most depressing things he had ever heard. JD came in to talk about it and said that the guy's name is Hot Rod and he's affiliated with 50 Cent.
Howard said that the music industry is looking to get paid by radio stations for playing music. They used to pay the stations with payola to play their stuff and how they're turning things around and asking the radio stations to pay them. He said that seems kind of crazy to him. He said there's a whole brouhaha brewing over that.
Howard read some of the mail he got about Barack where people were going off on him about his comments. Some people thought that Howard was saying that just because Barack is e-mailing Scarlett that they shouldn't vote for him. Howard said that's not what he was saying. He said he was just pointing out that Scarlett is a dope for thinking that Barack is writing to all of his constituents. He's only writing to her because of who she is.
Howard read some more mail about the Barack stuff and people were saying that he's supposed to be ''so liberal.'' Howard said that he never said he was liberal and he's really not.
Howard said that he's not sure he can vote for McCain and he's not a huge fan of Barack. He said that he's had enough of this Iraq war and Barack is on his side in a lot of the stuff he is. He said that he's going to have to look at him a little deeper but he thinks that he shouldn't be e-mailing Barack Obama.
Howard said that people think that he's against Obama because he's black but he said that he thinks that he's not even black, he's white. He said that he's not against Barack like that.
Howard said that his daughter has been in Barack's camp since even before he knew the guy's name. He said that she went to see him speak a long way back and she liked what he had to say.
Howard said that Artie is probably going to vote McCain because he makes a lot of money. Artie said he has had to give up a lot of money to taxes and it hurts to give that away. Artie said that he's like Howard right now and he's not sure who to vote for. He said that the lesser of the two evils would probably be Obama. He said that when someone is so archaic as to be against abortion and stuff like that, it's just not realistic these days. He said that you can't be against that as a general law.
Artie said that he does like a younger, smart guy like Obama coming in. Howard said that he was telling people for two terms that Bush was going to bankrupt this country. He said he wanted people about that because he had seen his track record. He said that he's still not convinced that Barack would be a great president but he is going to listen and review every debate and read every article he can and come up with an intelligent decision.
Howard said that he's not just going to vote republican like Rush Limbaugh would do. He said that he's voted democrat before and he has voted republican as well. He will vote for the best candidate in his mind.
Howard said that he would have voted for Hillary and he thinks that she would have made a great candidate but everyone has made their decision and left him with McCain and Obama.
Artie said that he tends to get emotional when someone in the military comes in there and says that he's going to vote McCain. He said that he's going to try to get a bunch of opinions from the soldiers over in Iraq when he goes there on the USO tour. He said that he wants to come back and tell them how they feel over there. Robin said that they all want to go and fight when they join the military so they're probably going to be backing McCain.
Howard told Eric that Johnny is trying to do nice things for him and had him go to this WWE event. He said that Eric loves that WWE stuff and probably beats off to it. Eric said that he doesn't beat off to it. Howard said that he sure knows a lot about it even if he's not beating off.
Howard said that Johnny gives Eric all of this great stuff like the sponsors, his JFSC.tv thing and a lot of other stuff. Then he has Eric go to this WWE thing and pays for his plane tickets. Eric said that he hasn't been paid for that. Howard said that he wasn't done yet. He said that Johnny wanted him to go to the WWE thing and wear his sponsor T-shirt but he didn't even do that. Eric said he didn't know he was supposed to wear that.
Howard said that Eric is demanding that Johnny pay for this Motel 6 place he stayed at and then complains that he didn't get to stay at a Four Seasons. Eric said that he had to set all of that up himself. The last time he went up he didn't have to set any of that up. This time it was all on him and his roommate.
Howard said that it was really insulting to bill Johnny for his time. He said that he didn't even do any work for Johnny. Howard said that even if Johnny paid for his food and hotel he can't bill him for his time like that. He said that he went to the WWE and enjoyed a show. He wasn't working.
Eric said that if he had gotten back stage he would have tried to get the WWE stars on the JFSC. He said he didn't get to do that. Howard said that he'd hang out with those people for free and he can't scam Johnny out of 8 grand for getting to do something like that. Howard said that he'd like to know how he can justify that.
Eric said that ''if'' the person had come through and gotten him back stage, he would have been getting people on the JFSC. Robin said that he didn't get any work done and didn't work the 96 hours that he's billing Johnny for.
Howard asked Eric about this rental car he had and why it cost them more to have a blue one. Eric explained how they had to fly in and why they had to have the rental car but didn't explain the blue. Howard said that Eric is charging $34 an hour for his time and he'd like to know if he's ever been paid that much by anyone before. Eric said that he didn't know why he charged that amount.
Howard asked how he came up with $34 an hour. He said that cops and teachers don't even make that much. Artie said that he was a longshoreman and he didn't make more than $19 an hour.
Fred asked Eric how he came up with the charges for the rental car. Eric said that it was about $300 a day. Fred said that he was looking at it and it was like $34 a day. Artie asked Eric if he has special needs with his wheelchair or anything. Howard said that he doesn't need any of that. It wouldn't cost him $300 a day. Fred said that they could get a limp for $300 a day.
Fred went through the list of charges for the rental cars and there was nothing close to $300 a day. Eric said that he didn't know.
Howard asked Eric if he's spoken to Johnny since yesterday. Eric said that he hasn't spoken to him. Eric said that he hopes to work it out by next week because they're supposed to do the stripper tour next week. Howard said that Johnny isn't going to help him if he keeps this up.
Howard told Eric that he went overboard with the car rental stuff. He said that maybe Johnny will pay for the plane tickets and the motel but not a $300 a day rental car. He told Eric to take some of that stuff off the table and not demand that Johnny pay him.
Howard said that he was giving Eric his feelings and not giving him a hard time. Eric agreed that he wasn't giving him a hard time. Robin said that she likes to see that Eric treats all of his friends badly, not just them.
Howard said that Eric should tell Johnny that he doesn't want to get paid for his time and just the tickets and hotel. Fred said that he was looking up some stuff about the hotel charges and came up with about $51 a day. Eric didn't remember what he was charging Johnny for that.
Howard told Eric to tell Johnny that when he goes on this tour, he doesn't want to pay anything out of his pocket. If Johnny doesn't want to do that then he should back out of the tour. He said that if he's looking to make money off of Johnny to do the tour, that's just not right. He said that Johnny is trying to help Eric have a good time and he's asking to get paid for that.
Fred said that Eric was padding the bill with the hotel charges because he just found that it's $62 a night. Fred said that maybe someone else is putting Eric up to this and that's what's going on. Eric said that maybe that's what it is, but added ''I don't know.'' Howard told him that he's burning a bridge with Johnny if he keeps this up. Howard let Eric go a short time later. He said he'd like to see him repair that relationship.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Eric had ever heard the word extortion because Johnny was just trying to help the guy out and he's taking advantage of that. Howard said that Johnny may have made the right call by calling Eric out on this whole thing.
Howard took another call from a guy who wondered if Howard was doing any foreplay with Beth when he bangs her. Howard said that they really don't have a lot of foreplay and Beth likes that. He said that she just asks him to give it to her. He said that he might have to kiss her and a little brush over the vagine and he's in. He said he finds that delightful. Artie said that it depends on your mood but that can work.
The guys joked that Beth was rubbing Howard's wallet for foreplay. Howard said that he sometimes tells Beth that he would enjoy some foreplay but then he sounds like a chick. They went to break a short time later.
Lisa said that Artie's book is going to be available for pre-order on amazon.com within the next month.
Howard read some mail about how Lisa G. Some people think that Artie has a thing for Lisa and Lisa is a chubby chaser so they should hook up. Lisa said that she might have a thing for Artie and she was talking to her sister about it last night. She said that Artie is a very nice guy and it's frustrating that he doesn't like himself. She said that's very sad to her.
Artie was eating some food and shoveling that in while Lisa was talking about him. Robin said that Artie always eats when they talk about him.
Artie said that he likes that Lisa feels that way about him. He said that he's in trouble because he found this new thing, a Breakfast Burrito. He also had a bagel there. Artie said that he's doing Letterman today and he wanted to look as fat as possible.
Howard said that he was going to call Letterman and ask him to come over and hang out. He said he got the feeling that Dave wanted to do that the last time he was on. Artie said that he should do that because it would be interesting to hang with the guy. Howard said that he won't talk about what happens if Dave does come over. He said that he learned his lesson with that.
Artie said that he's going to talk about the stuff that went on with the photographer that was shooting him yesterday. He said that the guy was German and he may not have been trying to be an asshole but he said something to him about how he had photographed people less attractive than him. Artie said that he didn't know how to react to that. He said he's going to talk about that on Letterman tonight.
Howard said that Jim Florentine got some great publicity with this Bowling Beauties thing that he did. He said that they did a whole layout in Penthouse magazine for the July issue. Howard said he must be nuts for turning down the Wack Pack Bowling special. Robin said that he was already booked to do something else.
Howard asked Lisa about a fight she had with Ronnie out in the hall. She said that it's a constant thing with him and he can't get over it. Howard said that he doesn't know why Ronnie is interacting with her at all. Ronnie said that he usually doesn't interact with her. Ronnie said that he asked Lisa not to do that colonoscopy story and she did it anyway. Howard said that it's no big deal to talk about stuff like that.
Howard said that Ronnie will talk about stabbing a girl with a pencil in school but not about getting a colonoscopy. Ronnie was going on and on about how he didn't appreciate what Lisa did and that's why he was getting so upset with her.
Howard asked Ronnie why he would tell Lisa he didn't have a colonoscopy if he didn't want her to talk about it. He told him that he should have told her he wasn't going to answer. Ronnie said that he did tell her that he didn't want to talk about it.
Howard and Ronnie went back and forth about the story and argued about whether or not it should have been a story. Lisa wasn't saying a word so Howard asked her if Ronnie told her that he hadn't had a colonoscopy. Ronnie said that she just assumed that he didn't. Howard told Ronnie to stop talking to Lisa. Ronnie told him to tell her to stay away from her then. Howard told him to just not answer her if she comes up to him. He told Ronnie to get out of the studio.
Artie said that he thinks that Ronnie is performing for the camera and that's what this is all about. Ronnie said that Lisa is always bothering people out there and Howard has no idea what's really going on out there. Artie said that Gregg is up his ass with that camera out there and that's why he's doing all of this. Howard said that Ronnie is so happy that someone is paying attention to him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's had the McSkillet breakfast Burrito from McDonald's and it's really good. Artie said that's what he had.
Howard asked Lisa if she would be interested in Artie. She said she would if he cleaned up his act. Artie said that's what all of these broads are looking for. He said that they want him to change. He said that in a few years she'd be changing him literally, changing his diapers. Lisa said that she can't fall in love with Artie the way he is now. She said that he has to go out and get a trainer and a shrink and change his whole lifestyle. Robin wondered why people think he has to go away to do that. Lisa said that Artie just does.
Artie talked about how he was trying to hit on this cute make up chick yesterday and Lisa came in and cock blocked him with the microphone in his face.
Lisa mentioned the Tom Bergeron recording session that went on yesterday. She also said that they have a story about the sexiest vegetarian contest that's going on at PETA.org. Robin is one of the people in the contest.
Howard read a few more e-mails about Robin and her sickness. The fans were going off on her about her lame jokes about meat eaters getting hotter than vegans. They went over that again and talked about how no one knew what she was talking about when she said that yesterday.
Sal said that he was researching some stuff and came up with the Vitamin B12 deficiency. He went over that real quick and then Howard brought in the girls from Bowling Beauties.
Howard said that they had some pictures of the girls up on his web site this morning. He talked to the girls about how they were playing for some money in this Bowling Beauties game. One of the girls said that she played against Savanna Samson and she's pretty old. She said she looked it up online and found out she's like 41 years old.
Howard asked the girls if they were feeling competitive in the game. One of the girls said that it was a really long day that day. Artie gave her a ''Wahhh!'' when he heard her complaining about that.
Howard said that he read that Tracy wanted to go see a movie about Selena back in about 1997 and they ended up going to see Private Parts instead because the Selena movie was sold out. Tracy said that her father was really embarrassed by it because of some of the stuff that was in the movie.
Howard asked the girls who was hitting on them when they were shooting the Bowling Beauties show. Jackie said that everyone was a perfect gentleman. They said that Jim Florentine was on his best behavior. One of the girls said that Jim was staring at the girls a lot. That led to Fred doing his Florentine impression and goofed on that a little bit. Howard said that Robin has Jim trained pretty well.
Howard read that Jackie is living with her boyfriend's parents. She said that they have a room right across from his parents. Jackie said that she hopes that they can't hear them having sex but she's not sure if they have or not.
Jackie said that her boyfriend is making money but they're trying to save up for a house of their own. She said that she doesn't even know what he does for a living. She said that he does something like testing air and water. Howard said that there has to be a flaw there in the relationship if she doesn't know what he does for a living. She said that he does something different every day. Howard said that he's very lucky anyway.
Howard asked if the game was close in the end. Tracy said that they both tried very hard. Howard said that he hasn't seen the final episode yet. He said that Jackie had some big arms so she looked like she had more power than Tracy did.
Tracy said that she was going to take Artie out on the town if she wins the contest. She said that she'll even send a limo to him. Artie said that he thought she had a boyfriend. She said that she would have some cleaning up to do before she could date him. She said that he'd have to convert to become a Jew. Artie said he doesn't care, he'll do that.
Howard heard that Mike Gange had a crush on Tracy. She said that he was the nicest guy she's ever worked with. Mike said that he could sit and stare at her all day long. Tracy said that was kind of creepy. Mike said that he'd go out with her in a second if he had the chance. Howard said that it did sound like he was in love with her. Mike said that she has a boyfriend though and he's not going to ask her out.
Howard said that when Gange asked his girlfriend to move in with him, she dumped him. Gange said that is true and the girls run when he asks them to move in. Tracy was saying that she loves Gange.
Artie asked Tracy which one she liked better. She said that she knows Artie from MAD TV and not even from Howard's show. She said that she'd have to know how he is now because she's heard some things. Artie told her that he would take her out if Gange wasn't going to try.
Howard heard that Tracy does some bird calls so he asked her to do that. She did a seagull sound and Gange said that he could listen to that all day long.
Artie invited Tracy to go to Letterman with him tonight. He gave her his phone number and she said that she would go if he was officially inviting her to go. Howard asked if that was going to be pressure for him. Artie said that he took 3 women there last time and they all hated him.
Howard told Artie that this might be his girl because she's not into people who are too healthy. Artie asked Gange where he would take her if he went on a date. Gange said that he'd take her to Howard's wedding if he was invited. Howard said that he'd have her but not him. Howard asked Tracy if she likes long car rides to places like Delaware. She didn't know what they were talking about and didn't answer.
Artie and Gange were going back and forth trying to pick up Tracy but Gange was losing out on everything. Gange told Tracy to be prepared to be ignored by Artie tonight. Tracy said that maybe Gange could go tonight and the two of them could watch the show together. Howard wrapped up with the girls and went to break a short time later.
Howard said that Nicole was trying to back out of the marriage but Yucko kept on her about it and she went through with it. Nicole wanted to postpone it but Yucko didn't want to let her do that apparently.
Howard said that they were married on May 3rd and Nicole was so nervous she drank a whole bottle of Petrone and spent a good time puking at the wedding. Rev. Bob Levy was there and puked when he saw her puking. Yucko's father passed out on the dance floor at the wedding as well.
Howard said that Nicole and Yucko didn't have sex the night of the wedding. He read that they didn't have sex for a good week after the wedding. Nicole said she wasn't keeping track of that stuff. Howard said that the whole thing about getting married is to celebrate by fucking. He said that's what the whole thing is about. He said that there's no point in getting married if you're not going to fuck.
Yucko said that the sex has dried up like the cum on his stomach since they got back from their honeymoon. They went to Maui. Yucko said that she was on the rag while they were there. The honeymoon was in mid-May and they haven't had sex since then. Nicole said that Yucko is just gross. She said that he's not all that exciting to her anymore.
Howard asked Yucko why he's accepting that. Yucko said it's marriage and that's the way things go. He said they've been together for 3 years now and that's how things go. Howard asked Nicole if she wants out of the marriage. Artie asked if this is an act. Howard said it's really not because Yucko was out in the green room alone and Nicole was out in the halls talking to other people.
Howard asked Nicole what's stopping her from divorcing him right now. He asked why Yucko is sticking with her if she's not banging him. Yucko said that she's hot. He said that he can check that off his list.
Howard said that Yucko extended their trip in Maui and it cost him $2,000 extra for just a couple of days. He did that just so they could have sex.
Howard read that Nicole is going to move to either New York or New Jersey and Yucko is going to stay out in Georgia. Nicole said that she's trying to find a job out in New York so she can make some money. She's looking to become a cocktail waitress at Rick's Cabaret until she can find a full time job doing what she wants.
Howard asked Yucko why he's letting her do this whole thing. Nicole said that she wants to work in production and that's why she wants to move to New York. She said that it's been taking too long for Yucko to move them there so she's going to do it on her own for now. She doesn't want to put her whole life on hold for now. She said that she's looking to fulfill her dreams.
Howard asked Nicole if she's in love with Yucko. She paused and Yucko not to pause too long. She said that she's really not in love with him. Artie asked what Nicole wants to do exactly. She wants to be a production coordinator on a film set and she has experience in that.
Howard figured that Nicole wants a different guy because she was saying that she wants Yucko to work out and diet and stuff. Nicole said that he's gained some weight over the past few years and he's not staying fit. She said that she has to work out and stay fit and if she has to do that, then he should have to do it.
Gary came in and said that Nicole couldn't be any further from Yucko on the couch. She asked Gary if he's smelled him. Robin said that Yucko hasn't really changed so there's something going on with Nicole.
Howard said that Nicole really isn't interested in Yucko and hasn't had sex with him in 3 weeks. Yucko just laughed. Howard said that Yucko talked Nicole into marrying him even though she wasn't into it. Nicole said that she asked Yucko if he would stay married to her if she never had sex with him again and he said it would.
Dominic said that they could go out and get an annulment if they wanted. Nicole said she looked into it and down in Georgia they say that you have to have had a mental illness or something like that to get out of the wedding. Dominic said that they could do the annulment and get out of it while they can. Howard told Yucko that he should get out of it if this is the way Nicole feels.
Howard asked Yucko why he's staying in this if Nicole hates the marriage. He said that she doesn't want to have sex with her husband and maybe he should let her go and get on with her life. Yucko was just honking his horn and said that he's just going to take it day by day and see what happens.
Nicole said that she doesn't want to be married at all, it's not even about Yucko. She said that she doesn't believe in the whole marriage thing or having kids or anything like that. Nicole said that if Yucko got into shape then she'd be into having him again. She said that he's well endowed but he's out of shape.
Howard heard that Nicole is really into Sal but she said that's not true. Howard said that there are a lot of people there who are mad that they gave Yucko and Nicole money and gifts for their wedding. He read through the list of people like Jon Hein, Bob Levy, Shuli, Artie Richard and Ronnie. He said that Bob and Artie gave the same amount so he asked Robin how much she thinks it was. She guessed $500 and got it right.
Howard read that Shuli gave $200, Jon Hein gave $150 and Richard gave $100. Ronnie didn't even go and he gave them $100.
Howard asked Nicole how long this is going to go on. She said that she's just going to take it day by day. Yucko said that she can go at any time if she wants to. He said that he doesn't have a gun to her head... yet.
Howard gave Yucko a plug for the show he's doing with Levy tomorrow night in Easton, PA. You can find out more about that at RevBobLevy.com.
Howard said that poor Yucko isn't even going to get to see Nicole when she moves to New York. He figures that she's going to hook up with other girls and stuff and forget all about Yucko. He asked her if she would go out on a date and eventually leave Yucko. She said that she's not looking for anything like that. She said that's not going to happen. She said that she's not looking for people who make a lot of money or have connections or anything.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she wants to slap this Nicole across the face. She said that she took this vow to be with her husband and now she's not doing anything with him. She said that Nicole should have left before the wedding. Nicole said that if she didn't go through with the wedding then she never would have known what could have been. She said that's what she's all about, trying stuff and seeing how it works.
Another caller said that there's something wrong with Yucko. Howard asked Nicole how much longer she's going to let this go on. Nicole asked what they're betting on. Howard said he was being serious. She said that she will start having sex with Yucko again when he gets into shape and she's attracted to him again.
Shuli came in and talked about the wedding and how bad the food was and stuff like that. He said that it was a disaster and it all went along with the whole theme of the wedding. Nicole said that she made herself throw up at the wedding in the bushes. She said that's what made Bob Levy puke.
Nicole also told a story about Yucko's father dancing and passing out on the dance floor. Yucko said that all of that will be on his DVD from DamnShow.com.
Howard asked Nicole if she looks at buff guys and wants to bang them instead of Yucko. Nicole said that she doesn't like buff guys. Artie stood up and showed Nicole his gut and told her that she's lucky to have Yucko. Nicole said that Artie wasn't that bad looking with his shirt off. Nicole said that they were about equal.
Howard asked Yucko to show what his body looked like. Howard asked him what happened there. Yucko said that Nicole is a good cook so he eats a lot.
Shuli said that he spoke to Yucko's mother and she said that Yucko went to Sunday School every week for 16 years but then something changed and he snapped.
Jeff the Drunk called in and went off on Yucko cursing him out. Yucko just said ''fuck him'' after hearing Jeff going off on him. There was no explanation why the two of them were going off on one another.
Howard took some more calls and let some people go off on Yucko. Some guys were on Yucko's side and said that he should be out the door. Howard told Yucko that he and his wife were in love and they had a few kids and they tried to make things work for a while. Howard said that his wife was happy to marry him.
Howard said that newlyweds should be fucking and Nicole has no desire to sleep with him at this point. Nicole said that she tried to get dressed up sexy for Yucko one time and he turned her away. Yucko said that's because his uncle had just died.
Yucko said that Nicole wanted to move down to Georgia with him and she was all excited about that. Nicole said that she moved down there and found out what life was like down there and it just doesn't work for her. Howard told the two of them that they have to get out of this. Yucko said that she'll sleep with him eventually. Nicole said she would if he got her drunk enough.
Howard told the two of them that things are just going to get worse. Nicole said that she was in love with Yucko and this is the longest relationship she's ever had. She said she feels like the guy in the relationship and he's like the woman. Nicole said that he's like the bitch in the relationship. Nicole said that he smothers her and she really wants to move away so they can try and make things work.
Howard said that Nicole is trying to have a real conversation and he's just making fun of her. Ralph called in and said that this is the most bizarre thing he's ever heard. He said that moving away to make things work is just wrong. He said that they shouldn't have gotten married.
Ralph asked if Nicole is really that hot. Nicole said that she's not that hot, she never said she was. Howard said that Nicole is very attractive and she's out of Yucko's league. Howard and Ralph were asking them why they don't just call it off but both of them seemed to want to work things out.
Howard gave Yucko some more plugs for the gigs he had coming up. He gave him a plug for the DamnShow.com web site too. Artie told the two of them to go down on the street and just walk in different directions and never see each other again.
Robin said that she saw that Nicole was wearing her wedding ring so that was a good sign. Nicole said that she had actually left it behind in the hotel and Yucko made her go back and get it.
Howard said he feels sad for these guys because they're not in love the way most people are. Howard said that he's still excited to see Beth every day. Nicole said that she's jealous of that. Howard said that he just adores being with Beth and she knows that and she feels the same way about him. Howard said that's what Yucko wants and deserves.
Nicole asked how long the butterflies are supposed to last. Howard said that he doesn't know about that but he still looks forward to spending his weekend with his fiancee. He said that Nicole and Yucko don't seem to be having fun. Yucko said that he doesn't give a shit and they're just taking it day by day.
Yucko said he wanted to ask Jim how Robin's dad's dick tastes. That led to Artie doing his Ham Hands Bill impression. He did that for a short time.
Nicole said that she wanted to straighten something out with Artie. She said that she never wanted to manage Yucko like Artie said that she did. She said that she would never represent a clown. She said that she was just asking Artie if he would do a show in Atlanta that time that he talks about. Artie said that he must have misinterpreted it then. Howard cut them off and said that this was a sad day. He said he didn't even know what else to say to them.
Artie said that it's going to get worse for them if they stay together. Everyone agreed that they should just end it now and cut their losses. Fred said that he thinks that there were family pressures there and that's why Nicole went through with it. Nicole said that she did kind of feel pressure and didn't run away like she wanted to.
Artie told Nicole that they should just move on with life. Howard said that there was no answer there for them and he had to end this. He gave Yucko some more plugs and went to break.
Howard talked to Mike for a minute and gave him a plug for his book ''Get Real!: The Untold Story: Sexy, Scary, Scandalous World of Reality TV!.'' Mike asked Robin if she got her copy that he sent. She said she hadn't gotten it yet.
Here's how the game goes... Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. The stories will appear in Mike's gossip column each week after he plays with Howard. Here are this week's stories:
Steve said that Richard the Hairy Mole Guy has issued an apology to Artie for asking him for money. He sent a 5 page apology letter.
Gary came in and said that Robin doesn't look at her mail for months at a time sometimes and that's why she hasn't seen her book yet. It's probably in her pile of mail.
Jon Hein came in with his Wrap Up Show preview after that. He ran through his list of stuff that they'd be covering.
Mutt from Superfan Roundtable called in and said that they're going to have Don Jamieson and Mariann from Brooklyn on the show to talk about Bob Levy's blow up and Yucko and Nicole and much more. They also talked about the little rift that's going on between Mutt's site (SternFanNetwork.com) and Bob Levy's new web site (TheMiserableMen.com). Mutt said that he's trying not to get all caught up in that stuff.
Howard said that he heard that Ronnie threw a large pole at JD because he didn't like something he did. He said he told Ronnie not to do stuff like that and he can't look past this. Ronnie came in and said that he's an asshole. JD said that he was just standing there laughing and Ronnie threw that thing at him.
Howard told Ronnie that he can't be throwing stuff at people in the hall. Ronnie said that he was done then. He's quitting his job there. Howard said that's fine.
Ronnie yelled at JD to get away from him but JD said he was standing there first. He refused to move. Ronnie said that JD is the biggest instigator there and Howard has no idea. JD said that Richard and Sal are the ones doing stuff behind his back. Ronnie said that they all know about his sneaky rat moves.
Ronnie said that JD didn't even get hit with the pole he threw. JD said that he moved out of the way, that's why it didn't hit him. He said that it could have hit him if it just stood there.
Howard told Ronnie he needs him to be reasonable out there. Ronnie told Doug to get out of the studio because he was putting hats on him and calling him a leprechaun. Doug said that this is the kind of stuff that goes on out in the hall all the time. He said it goes on even when the camera isn't out there.
Ronnie said that he hates JD and walked out of the studio. As he was walking out he said that he and Jared are both against JD. As Ronnie walked out we could hear Yucko honking his horn out there in the hall making fun of Ronnie. Gary said that he can't even hear anything out there in his office because of the noise out there.
Artie said that during the Mike Walker game he was wrestling with his headphone wire and ended up spilling his ice all over the place. Gary said that they got that on Howard TV and Artie had his chair upside down and he was trying to pull it out of the wheel. He said it was very funny. Howard asked Robin to get back to her news.
Robin read a story about the photos that came out about boxer Oscar De La Hoya being faked. The case against him was dropped as well. Howard said that was good news for him. Robin read another story about an Illinois woman who sold her 18 month old son for $100.
Robin read a story about Brooke Hogan confirming that her mother is dating a 19 year old guy. She actually went to school with the kid and he was a grade under her.
Robin read a story about a couple of Marines who got into some trouble for throwing a puppy over a cliff on video.
Robin read a story about a guy who got busted for abusing his wife after she slipped the post man a note about what was happening. She had a story about a guy who had a nail gun shoot him in the head. That led to some Three Stooges audio clips and Howard and Artie doing their Stooges impressions.
Robin read a story about radio star Wendy Williams' husband getting busted for plotting the death of a radio rival. That led to Artie doing his Godfather impression and goofing on that situation.
Robin read through some stories about John McCain and Barack Obama. She had some news about a tornado that went through a Boy Scout camp and killed a few people. Howard said he's so glad he never became a Boy Scout. He took piano lessons instead when his mother said that she could be a den mother. He said that if she didn't threaten that he may have gone for the Boy Scout route. He said that his piano teacher did end up committing suicide though so maybe he would have been better off being a Boy Scout.
Howard did an impression of what his mother would have been like as a den mother. He goofed on her for a few minutes. He was saying that she would have complained about the filthy outfits and how the other mothers wouldn't help out. Howard said that his mother once told him how easy going she was and how she ''goes with the flow.'' He laughed as he was telling that story.
Robin read through some more stories and had one about some great Hollywood hook-ups. He mentioned Jerry Seinfeld and Shoshana Lonstein. She had a story about people coming to this country to study and staying on after they get their degree. She had a story about Angelina Jolie and Oprah Winfrey being proclaimed as the most popular and powerful women in the world.
Robin played some audio of Lou Ferrigno talking about the Incredible Hulk. Howard said that he seems awfully chatty for a guy who you'd think would be the strong silent type. He did his impression of Lou and talked about how he eats the same meal 6 times a day when he's training. Howard said that the TV series was awful even though he watched every episode. He only watched because he loves the Hulk so much.
Robin read a couple more stories and then wrapped up her news. Howard had to end the show a short time later. He said that he had to pee because he had been holding it in for about an hour and a half. Artie said that he'll be on Letterman tonight with Sir Ben Kingsley. Howard said that's going to be a bore fest. Artie said that he'll be on after him.
Howard said that he heard that they were going to book him for this show but they backed out. Gary said that they wanted a series of tapes of guests being interviewed before they'd let him come in. Howard ended the show around 10:20am.
Jon moved on to talk about Yucko and Nicole. He asked Gary what's going on there. Gary said that Nicole came off pretty well on the show today and let everyone know how she really feels. Jon said that he heard from people who thought that they had to be putting it on and it was just a bit. Gary said that there are people who see this off the air and that's the stuff that's really going on. He said it's not that hard to believe for him.
Gary said that some people thought Yucko was fighting back and finally had some balls with Nicole. Will came in and said that he thought it was a bit because he can't imagine someone putting up with a woman treating him like that. He said they've only been married a month and they're already miserable.
Jon played a clip of Nicole talking to Howard about their marriage and how she really doesn't want to be in it. After that Nicole was in the studio and said that she had been drinking vodka all morning so she didn't even remember saying that.
Jon asked what they think about the people who think that it's a bit. Yucko said that he barely even sees her because she's always working. Nicole said that it's really not a bit and she's not a liar. She said that they're just being real about the whole thing.
Gary said that they're basically setting the table for what's inevitable. Nicole said that she doesn't know that's the way it's going to go. She said that she has to move away and live her dream and then maybe she'll realize what she has and she'll want to be married to him.
Nicole asked Will about his fiancee and if she's getting cold feet. Will said that she's very excited about getting married and he can see himself being married forever. Gary said that he doesn't get why someone would get married if they can't imagine being with the other person forever.
Gary said that they could have lived together instead of getting married to see how things would work out. Gary gave them some advice on how they can go on LegalZoom.com and get the divorce papers for $250.
Nicole said that Yucko is really like the girl in the relationship because he takes even longer to put on make up than she does.
Gary asked who pays for stuff in the relationship. Nicole said that Yucko does now because she had to pay for moving to Georgia. She said that they live in a little hick town where they don't have a lot of jobs. She said that Georgia is way to Christian for her and she wants out of there. She said that it's really just not for her.
Nicole said that she'd also like to be closer to her great grandmother who lives in New York. She talked about how some of the people in her family have been married 5 and 6 times so that's what she's used to. She said that when you see that growing up that's your reality. Gary agreed with her on that.
Yucko said that he has work down in Georgia right now and he has to stay there until he's done with that. He said he wants to get the hell out of there too when that's done. Gary asked him what he's doing down there. He said that he could probably do it someplace else. Yucko works on videos and writes comedy and stuff.
Nicole said that she wants to work some stuff out on her own, that's why he's not coming with her. Gary said that it was wrong of her to get married even if she was up front about the whole thing. Benjy said that she was up front about it all and he understands what she's looking for. Gary asked why she would get married then.
Nicole said that she was being pressured to get married so she was willing to try it out and that's why she went through with it. She said that Yucko told her that if it didn't work out that they could get divorced. The guys said that they could put it on Yucko then if he was willing to do that.
Nicole said that she doesn't want to get divorced and she'd prefer to get it annulled. She said that it's not that easy to do that in Georgia.
Gary said that he was doing some math and figured that it would be the 17th divorce in her family. He asked why her family was pushing her into this when they couldn't make a marriage work. Nicole wasn't even sure why they did that.
Nicole said that she loves Yucko but she's not happy in her life living where she is and what she's doing. She said that she's not ''in love'' with Yucko and there's a difference there. Jon asked her what she does love about him. Nicole said that she loves his personality, that she doesn't have to wear make up around him and that she can watch sports and not be embarrassed when she hoots and hollers. She said that she can be herself around him and she loves that.
Nicole said that Yucko treats her good and that's one thing that her family liked about him. She said that he treats her like a princess.
Ronnie said it was a personal thing that she was doing after he asked her not to do it. Will agreed with Ronnie and said that Lisa won't let them even look at her feet but then she takes the story and runs with it after they asked her not to.
Ronnie said that Lisa went to some doctor and had him commenting on the colonoscopy thing and he didn't appreciate that either. Benjy asked Ronnie why he's so upset about it. Benjy thought that maybe he was afraid that it would make him seem gay. Ronnie said that it's just not his thing and he wants nothing to do with it. He said he's canceled two appointments so far and he just doesn't want to even talk about it.
JD and Ronnie got into it a little bit when Ronnie got mad at him. He talked about what had gone on earlier when they were messing around with him and putting the leprechaun hat on him and stuff. Ronnie said that JD is a huge instigator there and he goes behind people's backs and whispers in people's ear. JD said that everyone does that there, even Ronnie.
Gary asked Ronnie if he thinks that JD picks on him more than anyone else. Ronnie said that he does. He said that he pulls that Stuttering John crap where he says that he loves him after he goofs on him. Ronnie was upset that JD goes behind his back and does that stuff.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he thinks that Ronnie is the angriest leprechaun in the world. That got a hoot laugh out of JD. The guy said that Ronnie is the one who is always busting balls and he can't take it when other people do the same thing to him. Ronnie went off on that guy and called him an asshole and repeated himself a few times as he was doing that. JD said that's one of the things that Ronnie does when he gets angry.
Ralph called in and said that it this wasn't making sense to him and he didn't understand why Ronnie was getting so upset. Will said that it's because it was Lisa G. He said that some people find her to be annoying and maybe that's why Ronnie is so upset.
Ronnie said that he doesn't hate Lisa. He said that people were just piling on top of him this morning and he didn't know why people weren't coming in to defend him this morning. Will said that they were cheering for him yesterday because what he was doing was funny. They didn't feel like they had to come into the studio again.
Jon asked the guys what they think about Lisa saying that she was into Artie. Ronnie said that she's full of shit and she's just trying to be part of the show.
Benjy said that he would love to fuck Lisa G because she is hot, but he said that because of his status, he could get much better looking chicks.
Ronnie said that he heard that Lisa is upset that they're not talking anymore. He said he really doesn't care though.
Jon asked JD how he and Ronnie are going to settle this. He said he didn't know. Will said that Ronnie hates JD and it wasn't just today that it started. Ronnie said that JD is sneaky and he doesn't like sneaky people. He said he never cared for (Stuttering) John either. Ronnie said that when the other guys goof on him, they do it in the open and JD doesn't do that. Ronnie said that Lisa saying that she likes Artie is bullshit and he thinks that there's no way he's her type.
Jon took a call from a guy who told Ronnie that he's fucking with a harmless guy like JD and it makes it appear that he just wants to be part of the show. Ronnie talked over him and tried to get Jon to hang up on him. The caller went off on him saying that he was an ungrateful little fuck. He asked him why he's so intimidated by JD. Ronnie said that he's not intimidated, he just doesn't like him.
Jon took a call from another guy who said that Lisa shouldn't have run that story and he gets why Ronnie is so upset about it. He said that she doesn't play along with them on the show when they want to get into her personal life. Ronnie said that she isn't a team player and that's why he doesn't like what she did to him.
Jon took some more calls and let some people go off on Ronnie. One guy said that Ronnie busts balls all the time and the one day that people goof on him he threatens to quit his job. That guy went off on him calling him names and Ronnie just told him to have a nice day.
Another guy said that he agreed with Ronnie. He said that Ronnie didn't deserve that and Lisa G sucks. Ronnie said that he wouldn't go that far.
Ronnie said that everyone there gets their balls busted except for Jon. Jon said that he's had his balls busted. Jason said that Ronnie is right about Lisa because she should respect it when someone asks her not to air a story. He said that they have an unwritten rule about that stuff there.
Ronnie said that he doesn't have a problem with Jason goofing on him once in a while because he doesn't have a stupid grin on his face. He said that he doesn't do it in a sneaky way either. Jason thinks that JD has gotten some balls and has flown out of the nest and gone out on his own. He said that he doesn't need Ronnie to bring him to Rick's Cabaret anymore so he's got the balls to goof on Ronnie.
Ronnie was saying that when certain people goof on him there he doesn't even know who was behind it. When JD does it, he knows and he hates his fuckin' guts.
Jon took some more calls and let some more people goof on him. Gary asked where Lisa was while this was going on. Jon said that she was welcome to come in. Will said that there was no change that she'd come in there. Jason said that Lisa doesn't talk about herself, she only talks about other people. He said that she's nowhere to be seen when people talk about her but she'll talk about anyone else.
Gary said that he thinks that Howard has given Lisa a pass when it comes to her personal life and stuff. Jason said that she can't be going out and doing stories about people that they ask her not to if they can't talk about her. Jason said that Lisa just isn't a team player.
A caller said that he had a theory on Ronnie and said something about his wife not playing with his knob enough or something like that. Jon dropped that call immediately and said it was a bad joke.
Gary said that Lisa reminds him of this woman Susan Berkley that they used to torture on the show. He said that she quit every Friday for like a year but then she'd come back on Monday. He said that they used to call her Susan Berzerkowitz on the air. He said that they'd drive her nuts and she'd quit on Friday but then on Monday she'd be right back.
Gary said that Susan eventually did quit and never came back. He said that Howard is giving Lisa a lot more latitude than he gives to most people.
Another caller said that Ronnie can dish it out but he just can't take it. The guy pointed out that Ronnie can be sneaky himself and pointed out that he goofed on Steve Langford in a sneaky way one time when he and Scott told him to go into the studio when he wasn't supposed to.
The guys were trying to figure out why Ronnie was getting upset with JD but not with the other guys who goof on him. Ronnie said it's just the way he goes about doing stuff. He said he can tell when people are going to goof on him based on the way JD acts as it's going on.
Gary said that Sal is like a child around there and they just let him get away with it. Jason asked if it's JD's age that makes a difference. Ronnie said that has nothing to do with it.
Jon took a call from a guy who said he can't figure out why these people can't figure out that Howard made them. He said that Ronnie and Eric the Midget are two examples and he thinks that Howard will get rid of people like that. He said he thinks that Ronnie should fear for his job after talking to Howard the way he did today. He said that Eric the Midget is getting to that point as well. They had to go to break after that.
Gary brought up something that went on yesterday with Jason bad mouthing the engineering department yesterday. Jason said that he thinks that the engineering department there is great and he would never say anything bad about them. He obviously had someone say something to him after yesterday's show.
Jason said that he can't figure out what happened between JD and Ronnie. He said that they used to be really tight but JD said that they never were really tight.
Jon got back to Yucko and Nicole. Gary said that Yucko really smells bad today. It's his suit and Nicole said that's why she doesn't want to sleep with him. She said that his balls smell even worse than his suit does.
Yucko said that he likes how Nicole can throw it right back at him the way she does. He said that's why he married her.
Will said that Yucko has to ask himself why he's staying in that relationship. Yucko said that things can only go down from here.
Nicole said that she and Yucko have been living together for 3 years and it's just too much. She said that she never wanted to get married because she doesn't believe in that. Benjy asked her if she can imagine being with him the rest of her life. She said she can't.
Nicole said that she doesn't think that she should have ever gotten married and she thinks they should just get it annulled. Nicole asked Will why he would want to stay with just one woman for the rest of his life. She said that she's not looking to sleep with another man but she also doesn't think that she's looking for another man.
Nicole said that sex isn't that big of a deal to her but she also can't imagine staying with Yucko the rest of her life. Benjy asked her if Yucko said to her that he wanted her to date other people, would she do that. She said that she wants to concentrate on herself right now. She said that if she needs to get off she'll just masturbate.
Jon said that Nicole and Yucko weren't even looking at each other in the studio during that previous segment. Nicole said that they're like best friends and they're very comfortable together. Gary said that even friends look at each other in the face. Nicole said that they did look at each other during that segment a couple of times.
Yucko said that he's willing to let Nicole go off and do what she needs to do to figure this out if she has to. He said he's willing to wait. He didn't have a time for how long he's willing to wait though.
Bob Levy called in and said that he thinks that they could work things out if Nicole does her thing. He said that Yucko will come to New York eventually and they'll work things out. Gary said that she was saying that she doesn't want him in New York. Bob said that could be a problem then.
Bob said that he's gone through that kind of stuff before and he's getting married for the third time soon. Benjy asked Nicole if she could get an annulment right now, would she do it. She said that was a tough question. Nicole said that she would rather do that than a divorce. She also didn't like Yucko's miserable attitude.
Nicole said that she doesn't want to work at a relationship when she could be working at other things in her life. She said that bores the fuck out of her if she has to work at something like that. Gary said that this is why he never should have married her. Nicole said that Yucko has been engaged to two other people and that didn't work out. She said that she'd take that annulment paper right now. Jon said that they should end on that note then.
Jon took a call from a guy who said that he was confused by all of this. He said that a marriage is work and you have to realize that. He said that it's no wonder that the divorce rate is so high. He asked Nicole if she makes her own decisions. Nicole said she does. The guy said that if you do anything in this life it's not going to be easy. He said that when you marry you're not supposed to just walk away from it. He said that her family shouldn't have pushed her into it if they knew the way they felt about it. Jon let them go after that. Yucko said he was going to go jump off the building now. Nicole said she was going to push him.
Ralph said that he doesn't get why Artie thinks that he thinks he could do Gary's job better than he does. Ralph said that he actually likes Gary and feels bad for what Artie said about him. Gary said that he and Ralph had their difference in the past and they got to a place where they were over all of that.
Gary asked what it was that Howard was talking about yesterday. Ralph said that he and Howard goof around about stuff when they're hanging out and he was joking around about that stuff. He said that Artie kind of figured it out and knew who he was talking about.
Ralph said that he doesn't get why Gary is going to Iraq with Artie and he was joking about how he seems to do the same stuff that Artie does. Ralph said that it was just joking around that he was doing and he didn't mean it the way he took it on the air.
Gary said that he thought that Artie had said something to Ralph and Ralph took that to Howard and that's what ended up on the air. Ralph said that he was just joking around with that stuff and didn't want Howard to say it on the air. He said that Howard went right on the air and said it the next day. He said he got upset with Howard after that and that had never happened before.
Ralph said that he caused that whole situation and he apologized to Gary for that. He said that he really didn't mean for it to come out that way on the air. Gary thanked him for the apology and said that they're all good.
Ralph said he thought it was funny when Gary wanted to goof on him by talking about the Iron Man standee that he got. He said that he got the standee and it weighs about 200 ponds and he hasn't even put it together yet. He said that he's very proud of it though.
A caller asked Gary why he would take the word of a junkie like Artie and asked him why he cares so much. Gary said that he's got relationships with these people and he can't just say he doesn't care.
Benjy asked Ralph why he thinks that Artie doesn't want Gary to go. Ralph said that he reads into things and he just thinks that Artie had other plans and he may not want Gary to go. Gary said that he wasn't even upset about that, he was upset about Ralph saying that he was riding Artie's coattails. Gary said that he's asked Artie about that trip over and over in many ways and he just can't figure out if he doesn't want him to go. Gary said that he may turn down some gigs in the future if Artie is involved because he doesn't want people thinking that he is riding his coattails.
Jon took a call from a guy who asked Ralph why he would tell Howard not to bring something up on the air if he was just joking around. Ralph said he was just busting balls and joking around and he knew that it would come out wrong on the air. Gary said he gets that. Jon let Ralph go and spent another minute talking to Gary about doing gigs with Artie. Gary said that he can do stuff without Artie. He said that he doesn't need to do that, he's got other things he can do. Jon had to end the story a short time later.