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Howard started off the show talking about the fun they were having already only 13 seconds into the show. He said he had been up since 3 in the morning with a lot of stuff on his mind. He said he has a lot of things that bother him, even the air. He said the one thing he loves in that internet chess he's been playing. He said when he can't sleep, that's where he goes.
Howard said he was going to call his dad to talk about tomorrow's election day. He's not sure who to vote for and he wants to vote tomorrow. He said he's going to be voting for Senator Hillary Clinton because he's a big supporter of hers. He said if he has to choose between her and Rudy Giuliani in the Presidential race, he'd have to choose Giuliani.
Artie woke up and mentioned something about the voting and everyone asked him what he was wearing on his head. He had a hat on that he put on because it was so cold outside. Artie said it's called a Goupoline. That's what his mother has called it for all these years, he wasn't sure if that was the right name for it or not.
Howard talked about the voting again and said he might just vote Democrat since he's fed up with the republicans. He said he hates what's going on with the war but he knows that it's not right to vote that way over just that one thing.
Howard asked Robin about some of the candidates that he had to choose between. She gave him some details about Alan Hevisi. They spent a couple of minutes talking about that guy and his commercials. Howard wasn't sure if he should vote for the guy because he is surrounded by controversy.
Howard wasn't even sure who the other guy was so Benjy told him it's J. Christopher Callahan. They spent a very short time on that guy and Howard said he may have to vote for him. Fred said that he would vote for Hevisi himself because he thinks that he would know how to dig up dirt on other guys.
Howard listened to some of the arguments from the guys but said he was going to stick with Callahan. He wanted to end that discussion and asked about some other candidates. He asked about Andrew Cuomo and Janine Pirro and heard from Robin on that subject. He was convinced to vote for Cuomo after just a minute or so.
Gary said that he's got quite a race going on up by him in Connecticut and filled the guys in on that race. Gary also brought up some of the other races that are going on in his area and in New Jersey. He said that some of the stuff that's going on in New Jersey is crazy because the guys are accusing each other of some crazy stuff.
Gary told Howard that Jon Hein told him about letting his kids hit the buttons randomly in the voting machines when he seen a bunch of names he doesn't recognize. Jon came in a short time later and brought up some of the ads that have been running in New Jersey and how you don't even know who the ad is for. He also talked about how he lets his kids vote by asking them which names sound best to them.
Howard was doing an impression of some of the commercials that run for these political candidates. They accuse the other people of some crazy stuff.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that you can't trust anyone and he takes a coin with him to make his votes. Howard said you have to at least try to pick the right person. Howard said he may have to call his father to get some advice on some of the people he has to choose between. Robin kept telling Howard that he can't vote for Janine Pirro. She gave him all kinds of reasons for why he couldn't do it.
Howard took some more phone calls and talked about how he thinks people are fed up with the war and want to get the republicans out of office. Robin and Artie said they don't think that's the case though. Artie said he was reading about how our troops are getting taken out by snipers over there. That led to Howard talking about a guy who was burned in a fire over there and half his face is gone. He said we've got this bumbling food Rumsfeld in there and everyone is talking about how great he is.
Howard said he and Beth have been having an argument over whether or not she should grow the hair back on her bush. He said he loves it shaved and doesn't want her to grow it back. He said this is their first real argument and he doesn't want her growing it back. Artie said that he told Dana how he likes it groomed and she kept it that way the whole time he was with her. Artie likes the landing strip thing. Howard said he thinks that Beth might grow that whole bush back in. He asked Gary to call her so he can ask her about it.
Gary tried to call Beth. Howard got a hold of an issue so he could look at the pictures they were talking about. He brought up Jeri Ryan since she's on the cover and he doesn't think she looks all that good. Artie grabbed a copy and said that he thinks he has to go with Bobo with that ribbon picture where Beth shows her ass as the best. He was also looking at some of the other pictures. Gary told the guys he wasn't able to get Beth on the phone.
Artie went through all of the pictures and listed his favorites. Bobo asked Howard how he can get any sleep with Beth modeling those outfits during the week. Howard said she's not modeling anything, she's in her pajamas every night.
Howard said that FHM filmed the taping of that photo shoot for Howard TV so they will have that up soon. Doug came in and said that they should have it available after midnight tomorrow night. He said he's watched it and it was kind of nuts watching Beth doing all of those photos.
Howard took a call from Jessica Hahn who gave him some advice on Beth's bare bush. She said that Beth doing that every day can make things very raw down there. Howard said if she had told him that, it would have been fine but she was making it seem like she just wanted to grow the hair back. Howard didn't think that the ''vag skin'' was any different than shaving his face. Robin told him it's more sensitive.
Robin said that she has the shape of a V down on her area and it doesn't have to be shaved every day like Beth might have to do to keep it clean shaven. Howard said it's not even a discussion, she's just going to do what she wants to do. Robin told him that it is up to her, it is her body.
Artie told Howard that he has to powder up his pin during the summer and when he was having sex with Dana, she would come up looking like a mime from all of the powder. Howard told him that he's heard that talcum can cause ball cancer. That also led to him talking about how he avoids touching his penis at all costs so he won't have to wash.
Howard wished that all women were hairless down below. He took a call from King of All Blacks who said he thinks that Beth is just doing this to stand up to him because that's what women like to do once in a while. Howard said he kind of knows what he means. He said he's not that demanding usually but maybe this is too much for her.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked Howard if he read the article about Opie and Anthony in that same issue of FHM. He said he did see that and it was kind of a bummer. He said it bummed out Beth as well. The guy also said he was surprised to see that Otto and George were regulars on their show. Howard didn't seem to care and moved on to other things after that.
He took a call from a guy who asked Artie how he couldn't have remembered the time that Sacha Baron Cohen was on the show back in 2004. Artie said that could have been caused by his heroin use because he has lost chunks of his life.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he thinks that Beth is preparing to do a nude layout and that's why she's growing out her bush. Howard said that's not what's going on. The caller also said that Debbie Schlussel was on a news program recently bashing the Borat movie. Howard said he actually had tape of that so he went to that a short time later. As soon as Debbie started talking you could hear Artie laughing quietly in the background. Debbie goes on to complain about how they don't make fun of any liberals in the movie. She said she doesn't think that the movie was done in good taste and she only laughed 6 or 7 times during the movie.
Debbie thinks that the audience is going to be the same people who watch Jon Stewart and The Daily Show. Howard broke in at that point and said that she must have a bush the size of an afro. He had to cut off the clip because she gets a little boring. He said he likes her but she always takes the negative side in her discussions.
Howard said he got a letter from David Hasslehoff who just wanted to say he's listening and still thinks that he's the king. Howard told Gary to book him to do the show because he'd be a great guest.
Howard gave a quick rundown of the football pool results. He said that Alice won and everyone else lost. He ran down what everyone had picked last week. Artie said that's the last time he goes along with Scott Ferrall's pick. Artie said that the Steelers might be done for the season after losing to the Broncos yesterday. He said that repeating in the NFL is a hard thing to do.
Howard said he's looking forward to something on TV this week. He said that Kirstie Alley has lost 70 pounds and she may appear in a bikini on Oprah's show. Howard said she's still fat from what he's seen so he'd love to see that. He said she's still got to be in the 150 range and he'd love to see her in a bikini. He said that some women wear a skirt and scarves to cover up parts of their body when they wear bikinis and she may have to do that. Robin doesn't believe that she's going to appear in a bikini. Howard said he told Beth she had to TiVo Oprah's show so he can see that.
Howard said he got caught in traffic that was caused by the marathon. Artie said he was coming back from Boston yesterday and also got caught in that traffic. They spent a couple of minutes talking about that. Howard said that Lance Armstrong ran the marathon and he ran it in under 3 hours. Howard said that's really fast and he wasn't even doing it that seriously. Robin said that he didn't even train for the marathon. Robin said she could see that he wasn't built like a runner and could see that he was going to be in pain by the end of it.
Howard brought up the sentence that Saddam Hussein got over the weekend. He said that Hussein is supposed to be hanged but they may want to ask the guy how to straighten out that country over there before they kill him. He and Robin spent a short time talking about what's going on over there in Iraq.
Robin said she was at a lecture at Columbia University over the weekend where some reporters were talking about their experiences over in Iraq. Howard asked if she was recognized there. She said she did have a few people recognize her but the people were very intent on hearing the lectures that were going on.
Howard pretended to be some of the people at the lectures and how they were probably making comments about Robin's rack instead of listening to the lectures on Iraq.
Howard said that he has tape of Anna Nicole Smith to listen to but he had to take a break first. He said she makes some crazy comments in the interviews she's been doing. She was saying that she hopes that her dead son is able to find her dead husband in heaven. He had to play that one clip before going to break. He played the clip where she was crying and saying she hopes her son knows where to go and that her dead husband knows who he is because he doesn't know how he looks now.
Howard said he does feel bad for Anna losing her son but he had to play these clips. Robin said that Anna has apparently told 3 other guys that they were the father of her new baby. One of the guys is saying that he gave Anna the house thinking that she was going to pay him for it. Now she's claiming that it was a gift.
Howard said that Fred did something funny on The Wrap Up Show last week. Artie couldn't stick around during the show so Fred took over and pretended to be Artie for a while. He had to go to break after that.
Howard had Lisa G come in with her Howard 100 News preview. She said that they'll be talking about Artie and the Dice Man's comedy show from Saturday night. Howard said he heard some of the stuff that went on and was going to bring that up himself. Artie said that he did about 30 minutes of material and then they went on the air so he did another 5 minutes and then introduced Dice to do his thing.
Howard said he heard that Dice was getting into fights with the audience and stuff like that. Artie said they have some hard core fans up there and they were yelling out his name during Dice's act. They weren't as receptive as they could have been. He said that Dice got kind of distracted by the people yelling out his name so he actually had some people thrown out because they wouldn't stop.
Howard read some feedback about the show that aired on Saturday night at 9 on Howard 101. A lot of people didn't think Dice was funny and didn't like the comedy show. Howard said it was painful to go through the mail because it was so negative. Artie wanted to defend Dice a little bit. He said that the fans are great but them yelling out his name the way they were wasn't the right thing to do. Artie said that Dice did a great bit about Sex and the City but the people wouldn't stop yelling. That's what led to Dice getting into a fight with the crowd and it was funny seeing it in person but maybe it didn't come off that well on the air.
Howard played a clip from the show where Artie introduced Dice and the crowd started booing and chanting Artie's name. Artie told the crowd that Dice had paid him in advance. He told the crowd that he was going to take a break and then bring out Dice. There were a lot of boos at that point.
Howard played some clips of Dice trying to get past the people in the crowd who were chanting Artie's name. He tried to get them to chant his name but they kept up the Artie chanting. Artie said that a comic not as good as Dice would have left the stage. Dice stayed up there and tried to keep control of the crowd.
Howard asked Tim what was going on with the tape because it was hard to hear Dice's voice in the clip. He said that they're going to be replaying the show on Wednesday at midnight on Howard 101. Gary said that Andy Dick's Shit Show is returning tonight at midnight. Artie said that this was Dice's finale for his VH-1 reality show. Howard thought that was bad news but Artie said they should be able to edit it in any way, it shouldn't make much difference.
Howard played a new Riley Martin song parody where they took clips of him and put them to the tune of ''Wipeout.'' Artie thought that was a great one and said that Dan the Song Parody Man did a great job on it. He also told Howard that a lot of people in the crowd were trying to do the Grandma Caprio impression at that show he did with Dice. Howard said no one else can do it and went into the impression. Artie said that he might have to get her in there one day so they can all see what a sweet woman she actually is.
Howard was goofing on Artie and Dana doing that impression of his grandmother giving him advice. He kept going and going and Artie said the crowds seemed to like that impression.
Ralph called in and asked Howard if he played the part where Dice had a meltdown on a guy in the crowd. Howard said he was getting to that. Ralph said that guy got back in later on in the show. Howard thanked him for that and let him go.
Howard played a clip where Dice was getting heckled while he was trying to do his act. Dice was in the middle of a bit when these guys were yelling out ''Artie,'' ''Fi-ahhhh'' and things like that. Howard heard that and said that the crowd was really rough. Artie said that the owner of the club told him to go back on stage to help Dice out but he told him that would be a really bad move, you can't do that to a big comic like Dice.
Howard got back to the clip where Dice was going off on this heckler. He was calling him names and then told security to get him out of there. Artie said the guy that Dice was calling a Zero and a fat fuck looked just like he does so he felt kind of bad. Artie also aid that Dice came close to getting into a fight with one guy in the crowd and Dice told him that he would have punched the guy if he had gotten close enough.
Dice had that guy kicked out and was telling him he was like a 3 year old getting kicked out after getting too drunk. He told the crowd that's the Dice they wanted so that's the Dice they got.
Howard played another clip where the crowd got a little bored and started heckling him some more. Howard said that was one tough crowd there. Artie said that it really was tough. Howard was laughing at the crowd because of the way they were acting there.
Artie said that the amount of drinking that was going on there was insane. Howard played another clip where the guy that had been kicked out came back in. Then Dice asks his son Max to bring up another one of his leather jackets. The crowd would not stop making noise. Dice then went into his final act and did some of his classic nursery rhymes which the crowd seemed to like.
Artie said he stayed in Boston that night and hung out with Ross Zaipen. He wanted to go get some sleep but Ross convinced him to go out to this place Mantra where they had the hottest chicks around. He said the chicks all had boyfriends so he wasn't going to get anything going there. He said the chicks dancing on the blocks at this place were so hot. He said that there were a couple of guys there who recognized him from some movie but he wasn't sure which movie they were talking about.
Artie said that one chick asked him if he wanted to go back to her place and smoke a joint with her. He said yes but then she introduced her boyfriend to her so he turned it down. Another hot chick waited 30 minutes before telling him that her boyfriend was the DJ there at the club. He had to sign an autograph for him.
Artie said he was offered a lot of shots there at the club so he did start drinking them. Howard talked about how much Ross can drink and how he can't believe that guy can drink as much as he does. Artie said the music was horrible at this club but the chicks were so hot that he had to stick around.
Ralph called in and said that he wants Artie to play arenas with Dice because he'd love to hear 50,000 people heckling Dice.
Lisa G got back to her news preview. She said that they have a few stories about that Dice show. They were going to be talking about Artie getting a brochure for a fat camp from Robin's assistant Kerry. Robin thought that was kind of odd for her to do something like that but Artie said she's very friendly toward him and it was a funny thing for her to do. He didn't mind it at all.
Kerry came in and said that she and Artie had a conversation about weight loss and she told him about how she went to this camp a few months ago and lost 10 pounds. That's why she handed him the brochure. That led to Howard doing more of his Grandma Caprio impression for a short time. Lisa was done after that so she got going. Howard went right back into his Grandma Caprio impression when she left.
A phone caller told Howard he was at the show on Saturday and he didn't think dice was all that great. He was a fan of Artie's so that's why he paid the $50 to go see him. He thought that Dice has lost it since the old days. He thinks that Artie is being too kind to Dice. Howard said he had to take a break but he gave a quick rundown of what he had coming up after the break.
Howard said that Fergie isn't all that hot, it's all airbrushed. He started to sing his own song about how he ''f u c k s'' hotter chicks than her. Howard said that this hot chick sent him some pictures of herself wanting to get on the show. He had her on the phone so he asked her about living out in South Dakota. Her name was Debbi Davids. Howard showed the guys her pictures and Artie said she is smokin' hot.
Howard asked Debbi what she's trying to do with the nude pictures. She said she's in a special edition Playboy but she would love to get into Penthouse. She also wants to get on the show and said she has a SIRIUS radio so she can hear the show now. She apparently wrote that she would bang Howard and Artie in a second. Howard asked her if that was true. She said she does love them. She told them that she's 28 years old and she knows that's a little old but she would love to be with them.
Debbi said that she has a free web site at DebbiDavids.com where you can check her out. She told Howard she started taking pictures at this motorcycle rally out there in Sturgis and eventually ended up in that Playboy special edition.
Debbi told Howard about how she likes to dress and how she once passed out after some guy drugged her. She woke up with the guy rubbing her ass. She said she knew that this guy was dating a girl so she asked him what he was going to think about what he was doing. She came walking in at that point and the guy told her that she was into it.
Debbi said that the chick started pulling her clothes off, went up under her shirt and stuff like that. Then they were both touching her at the same time. Howard showed the guys some other pictures of Debbi and said that she looks kind of like Britney Spears. She said she's not going to ruin her body like Britney did though.
Debbi told Howard how the other chick went down on her while her boyfriend did her from behind. Then she went down on the other chick and the boyfriend did her from behind as well.
Howard read some notes about her and found out that she was raped by a cop when she was just 16 years old. She said that she thought she was hot shit and this 24 year old cop asked her out on a date. She went out on the first date and didn't do anything. Then the second time she lied to her parents and aids that she was going out with some girls and went out with the cop who held her down and ripped off her clothes. She said that the guy didn't say a word to her after that. He just kicked her out of the car like he was done with her. She didn't tell her parents what had happened though. She told a friend who begged her to call the cops. She felt really guilty a couple years later when he raped a 14 year old girl.
Howard said that some women will go back to guys like that and have sex again. She said if she had gone back, she would have had a gun with her and she would have shot him.
Howard said he heard that Debbi made out with Ginger Lynn one time. She said she did a radio show with her and she hung out with her for about an hour. Howard had some ideas for Debbi to do the show. He said that someone suggested that they smack her boobs with paddles. Another one said that they should have her massage Dan the Farter's ass and not tell her that he was going to fart.
Debbi said she could do some naked Yoga for them. Howard wrote that down and said she could do that. He said they could think up a bunch of other shit for her to do if she comes in. Artie jokingly said that he might be able to fuck this chick if he can get into an argument with Dana over it. Debbi told Artie she would do anything Artie wanted and she'd even do anal with him.
Debbi said that most women have to reach around and put the guy in their ass because the guy doesn't want to do it. She said that taking a muscle relaxer helps out back there. Artie said he likes the vagina because when he goes in there he realizes that there has to be a god. Howard said that the muscle relaxer thing is a good suggestion for Sal and Richard.
Howard put Debbi on hold but Robin asked if Artie would tape his sex with her. Howard wanted to get her back on the phone to ask her if she'd be willing to do that. Artie wasn't up for it though so it didn't really matter if she was up for it or not.
Blue Iris called in and thanked Howard for the documentary they did about her. Howard said that this is the chick that Artie did get to make out with. Artie said he thinks he got the ''throat herps'' from her. She said she was just getting a cold, that's why she was having trouble talking this morning.
Blue said that her documentary is up on Howard TV and it's been up since last week. Howard said he knows what he'll be watching tonight. He let her go and got Debbi back on the phone. He asked her about the taping of the sex. She said she'd let them tape it, no problem.
Howard told Artie he has to break up with Dana now. Artie said that Dana has started having sex with him again so he can't screw that up. Howard went into his Grandma Caprio impression again and tried to get Artie to break up with Dana and have sex with Debbi.
Howard said that he hates televangelists more than he hates psychics and he really dislikes psychics. Robin gave Howard some more details about this guy and talked about how creepy he was.
Howard had some audio of another guy who does healing on his TV show. In the clip you hear the guy screaming when he's ''healing'' these people. The guy he was healing was on the phone and he was very entertaining as he was thanking the guy for helping him.
Robin said that the Borat movie is great because he goes to a church where they're doing healing and shows how crazy that is. Howard said he would like to know what this guy is making doing the healing stuff. He played another clip where a guy asked to be healed because he has pain in his stomach. The preacher speaks in tongues and then screams thinking that he's healing this guy. The caller said that he wasn't feeling any better though. The preacher rambles on and on about his healing powers after that. Howard said that's a better racket than Riley Martin's alien talk.
Artie said that when his father was in a wheelchair, someone convinced his mother to bring him to a Petacostal church in New Jersey. They had the guy sitting in the back of the church and were telling him that they could have him up and walking by the end of the service. He was still stuck in the chair of course. Artie said his mother was in tears through the service.
A caller, Brian, told Howard about how he called into the show back in February and said he was going in for a Stem Cell transplant to help him get over his cancer. He's going in for it today and if it doesn't work, he doesn't have too many more options. He said he has to get a catheter put in where they will transfer blood in and out of his body. It goes in through his chest and into his jugular vein.
Brian told Howard that they try to kill the disease as much as possible and then inject the cells to try and get him better. Howard asked him if he would ever go to a televangelist. The guy said he would never do that.
Brian said he's only 23 years old and he looks up to Will Murray because he got over his cancer. Howard wished him luck. Brian told Howard that they help him through his day making him laugh. He also said that he took Howard's advice and found the best Jewish doctors he could.
Howard got back to this black healer guy and listened to him selling his prayer handkerchief. The guy took a call from a woman who said she bought one. The guys were goofing on this guy about his prayer hankie and the anointed olive oil soap he was pushing.
Howard asked the guys if they were done with this guy yet. Robin wanted to hear more so he went into a another clip where the guy was rambling on and on about nothing. Howard asked the guys to give him the preacher prank call that they had for him to play.
Howard said that he heard a clip of Richard talking about the video iPod and how great it is because he can bring it on a plane so he can jerk off. Howard said that's really disturbing. Richard told Howard he stands up and jerks off on the plane. He said he shot it in the toilet but had to wipe it down because the flush didn't get rid of it. He said he's really nervous about flying and he has to calm himself down so that's what he does.
Howard said that Sal and Richard were out doing some show and when they were there at the airport they had the announcer saying names over the speaker system. They had him saying Bob ABooey, Harry Wong, Harry Taint and others. Sal said they had the guy going for about 45 minutes straight. They even had him saying ''Cleveland Steamer.'' Sal said they even convinced the guy to say ''Olive Blackcock.''
Howard said the guys took some clips of Mike Walker and made some prank calls using his audio clips. Sal said that Richard didn't shower all weekend and they did four shows. He said that he brushed his teeth and tried to convince him to brush his teeth. Richard said he was going to brush his but pulled out a piece of gum and started chewing it.
Howard asked Richard why he doesn't brush his teeth after going through what he went through with the cavities and stuff he had. He said he has a motorized tooth brush and he doesn't want to break it by bringing it along with him. The guys thought that was kind of a lame excuse. Fred told him to just bring a manual toothbrush with him.
Howard played the prank call that Sal and Richard made. They called a bakery and had Mike asking for all kinds of weird stuff. Richard said it took a really long time to put those clips together because they cut Mike's voice into all of these strange lines. Howard had to go to break after that.
Ben filled Howard in on the politicians that they were talking about first thing this morning. Ben told Howard about this guy Alan Hevisi and agreed with Howard that they should not vote for him. Fred said that he's going to vote for the guy because he thinks he does a good job in that position he's in. Fred said that if he gets replaced by his opponent, he won't be doing as good of a job. Ben said that the guy is doing illegal things and should be voted out.
Howard asked Ben about Cuomo as well. Ben went into a whole discussion about that guy. He said that Cuomo was involved with some shady things but nothing illegal. He told Howard he would not vote for him, he would vote for Pirro. Ben had to get going after that so he quickly got off the phone. Howard and the guys spent a little more time talking about that before Howard moved on.
Gilbert asked Howard which guy it is that jerks off on the plane because he heard him doing the logic with someone out in the hallway. He did an impression of Richard asking someone if they would rather have someone's shit or cum on their face.
Beth was back on the phone so Howard told her what they were talking about earlier. She interrupted and said that she was offered that paranormal show that he took part in. She said she can't wait to see it. Gilbert said that she was with Traci Lords on that show. He said that he agreed to do the show but about an hour before it was going to start he was asking if he could get out of it. He said the money wasn't even that great, it was about $10,000. Beth said that's what her offer was.
Gilbert said the scariest thing was walking around in a dark room and bumping into things. He said they try to scare you by telling stories about people who were killed in this place but it wasn't all that crazy. Beth said she may have done it if Gilbert was her partner. Howard said she wouldn't have done it even if Gilbert was her partner.
Gilbert told Howard how they interviewed him after the show and figured he was scared because he didn't want to go downstairs. Gilbert said the reason he didn't want to go down is because it was dark down there and he could bump into things.
Howard got back to Beth and told her how they were talking about her FHM layout. Howard mentioned that Jeri Ryan doesn't look good in the magazine so Beth told him to stop that. Howard told her about the shaving thing and then Beth said that she had gone two days without shaving and she actually did it last night. Beth said she had a guy walk up to her on the street this morning and ask her why she had stopped shaving her ''p'' for Howard. She said she wasn't going to stop shaving for him, she just didn't have time for a couple of days.
Howard and the guys spent a few more minutes talking about Beth's bush. Howard apologized to her about talking about that this morning. He thought she was putting her foot down and she was going to stop shaving. Howard said it would be so much easier if a woman lost her hair down there as she grew older. Beth thinks that Howard is the only guy she knows who isn't into a woman having hair down there.
Ralph called in and asked her why she doesn't have time to shave for Howard, he finds the time. She said that she's had a pretty good run keeping it nice and clean for him over the past 6 years. She said that they're doing better than ever in their relationship. Ralph said that they're sickening to be around because they're so in love.
Gilbert said that he once saw a woman in the movie who was shaved down but the director ruined it for him when he told him how she had gotten razor bumps and stuff like that.
Howard asked Beth why she shows her ass in FHM but she won't show him her ass. Beth said that she doesn't want to walk around with a jiggling ass in front of him. She also told Howard he would have noticed that she was shaved last night if he had checked down there instead of sticking to his chess game.
Howard said that he loves Beth and sex has never been better. They still go multiple times per night. Howard said they're not doing it as often as they did when they first met but Beth said that it's much better than it was in the beginning. Howard told Beth that he's more in love with her than ever. Ralph was taking it as if he was talking to him and thanked him for those comments.
Beth said that their dog has been limping around a lot lately. Beth said she's taking her in for an x-ray today of find out what's wrong with her. Howard let her go after that.
Howard said that he remembers women from many years ago having huge bushes and looking like a mess down below. The guys also talked about how breasts seem to be getting smaller these days and women get implants so guys don't remember what real, large breasts look like.
Howard said that he doesn't want to be with any woman who goes ''retro'' with their bush and stops shaving down there.
Howard said that Dice Gottfried should have been at that show with Dice over th weekend. Gilbert went into his Dice impression and did that stuff for a few minutes. Steve quickly wrapped up his news preview after that. Gilbert wouldn't stop with the Dice impression though, he just kept doing it.
Jon Hein gave his Wrap Up Show preview and mentioned some of the stories that they'd be covering today. He mentioned Artie's thoughts on Debbi Davids offer of sex. They'll also talk about Dice and Artie's comedy show from Saturday night. Artie did a little bit of his impression of Jon before Howard wrapped up and had Robin start her news.
Howard played a new song parody that Richard Christy created for Robin's news. He thought Richard went a little over the top with that song because he was singing about jacking off on Robin's titties. When he played the song it got some laughs.
Artie mentioned he was doing this roast for Mario Batallia guy and asked Gilbert if he's part of that. Gilbert said he was left out of that. Artie said they have a dress code for that roast and he doesn't have anything that would fit him. Now he has to go out and find something to fit him.
Howard read through some e-mail during Robin's news. He said that a few people have written in about his impression of Jon Hein. Some people really like that impression and want him to keep it up. That led to Robin talking about how she and Mr. X had a discussion about Artie's heroin addiction. She said Mr. X had no idea that Artie was on heroin until she told him about it recently. He missed that part of the show.
Howard read an article about this guy who is suing his gym because he was kicked out for grunting too much at his gym. Gary came in and said that he had a problem with that at the gym he works out at. He once talked about it on the air and the guy must have heard it because he would give him an evil look each time he walked in the gym. Howard told Gary to book the guy from the article for tomorrow's show.
Howard went into his Ted Kennedy impression during the news but he had some trouble getting his ''funny'' megaphone to work. He had to bang it around a few times before it started working correctly. His backup megaphone isn't as funny to him so he prefers the old one that he's been using for many years.
Artie and Gilbert were into the Kennedy impression as well and wouldn't let Robin get in a word during her news. Howard gave Gilbert a plug which shut him up for a few seconds. He had to take a break after that plug.
After the break Howard gave Gilbert some plugs for some upcoming appearances he's making. You can check out more details at GilbertGottfried.com. Robin got back to her news after that. It didn't take long for Howard, Artie and Gilbert to get back into their Ted Kennedy impressions. They did that and some other impressions making it very hard for Robin to read her stories.
Robin finished up her news and Howard ended the show around 10:35am.
Howard started off the show talking about how he was going to go vote today. He said a lot of people think he doesn't vote but he does. He saw in the news that they printed who he's going to be voting for. He said they spent a lot of time talking about who to vote for yesterday and he's decided not to vote for Alan Hevesi. Fred's arguments weren't able to convince him. He's taking his father's advice instead.
Robin said that Howard's father's advice wasn't all that great because he also suggested voting for Janine Pirro. Howard said that her husband was the problem in that whole thing. Artie said he's going to be voting even though he had a felony arrest one time. He said that was expunged from his record so he can vote now.
Howard and the guys spent some time talking about the votes and how they want to try and change things so they can get our troops home from Iraq.
Howard noticed that she had some kind of material holding her belly down and everything was huge on her. He said Oprah looked pretty thin but you don't see her walking around in a bikini. He said that if they want to get him as a regular viewer of that show, they should have every guest in a bikini. He talked about the way the show went and how Kirstie was walking out and flashing everyone. Artie saw a picture of her in the paper and said she looked like a football player.
Howard said that she still has some work to do but there is some potential there. Artie said that Oprah looks really thin next to Kirstie. Robin wondered how old she was. It turns out she's 55 so she doesn't look to bad for that age. Howard said she's still a big fatso though.
Katt was supposed to be on today but in the paper this morning they found that he was arrested for having a concealed weapon. He was at the airport on his way to New York when he was arrested. The weapon was also stolen. Gary told Howard that this was supposed to be a big day for Katt because he really wanted to do the show.
Howard read the article and saw that he had 3 additional weapons in his luggage. The gun he was holding was stolen. Robin asked if he was on his way to shoot them or something. Howard said that might be the case. He played some of the comedy clips of his that they've played on the show recently. Katt uses the word ''ni**erdom'' in his act. The guy spent some time talking about that the first time they played that clip on the air.
Howard played more of Kat's act and talked about what he's read in his notes about the guy. He apparently has an IQ of 141 according to the notes. He wondered why the guy wasn't smart enough not to go to the airport with weapons on him. Gary also said that the guy has 8 kids and 7 of them are adopted. He said Katt is also a former member of the Nation of Islam.
Artie asked the guys if they know what their IQs are. Howard said that his is really average but he's not sure of the number. He seems to remember a number but he's not sure if it's accurate or not. He said he can't do math and he can't remember stuff so he doesn't score that well. He thinks that he's at a 112 or 119 IQ. Fred said that is pretty average. Gary said he remembers something about a +36 score on an IQ test but he's not sure what exactly that means.
Gary said he thinks that 140 gets you in Mensa but he didn't seem so sure of that. Howard brought up how Christian Slater once went to the airport with a weapon but he blamed his girlfriend for planting it on him. The guys spent a short time talking about that arrest and how he had to do some public service announcements around that whole thing.
Robin asked Howard how he thinks the people from the Borat movie get permission to film everyone the way they do. Howard said they must tell people that they're filming for a foreign film and the people just sign away their rights.
Howard said that they'll have to reschedule Katt Williams since he was arrested. Robin said that she was listening to Bubba and they were using the N-word just throwing it around. There's no way to stop people from using that word these days.
Howard took a call from a guy who heard the Inside the Porn Actors studio last night and thought it was great. Howard said that the Howard TV guys have been recording the show too so they air those on Howard TV. They do it just like Inside the Actors Studio with Richard Christy playing the part of James Lipton. That led to Howard playing a couple of clips from the show. He also had some clips from the Andy Dick Shit Show from last night.
Robin talked to Artie about how upset he seems to get when Howard is goofing on him about the whole Dana thing that Howard does. Howard played a clip from the Wrap Up Show where Artie talked about how annoyed he gets about Howard goofing on him and always asking about how things are going with Dana. He's incredibly annoyed by it but he knows Howard is just doing the show. Howard broke into the clip and said he really didn't know that Artie was that annoyed. Artie isn't offended by that stuff but it is annoying that he constantly does that stuff.
Howard got back to the Artie clip where he talks about not enjoying the discussions about his relationship. Howard came in and started doing his Dana impression as soon as that clip ended. Artie was laughing but said that he doesn't like the girlfriend stuff, he doesn't mind the Grandma Caprio stuff. Howard continued to do the Dana impression and continued to annoy Artie.
Howard was singing a little song about how she loves everything about him, even his stretch marks. Then he broke into his Grandma Caprio impression and sang some more songs to the tune of the music that Fred was playing. Howard mentioned something about heroin during that so Robin said that Artie was talking about how he thinks about using heroin every day when he was on the Wrap Up show. Howard wasn't surprised when he heard that. Howard said it took him 10 years to forget about smoking cigarettes after he quit.
Howard got back to his Grandma Caprio impression and talked about her favorite grandson Artie. Robin said that she was shocked when she heard that because she figured he would like to be away from all of that stuff. Artie said he's being honest with then when he talks about that stuff.
Howard went back into his Grandma Caprio and defended her grandson about the heroin discussions. Artie said that when he goes on that Wrap Up Show that stuff just pours out. Howard played another clip from that show where Artie was talking about how it's Dana's birthday on Thursday so he hopes that she shows up to his Carnegie Hall show.
Howard asked Artie how Dana could not be at Carnegie Hall. Artie said that she thinks that she would be asked a lot of questions if she was there and she doesn't want to deal with that stuff right now. Artie said she goes on the computer and finds out what goes on every day and she doesn't want to be a part of that whole thing.
Artie said he's not sure if Dana will be there and he's not sure if he'll even show up. He was joking of course. Howard asked Robin if she's getting dressed up for that show. He doesn't think they have to get too dressed up because it's just Artie doing a show. Howard told Artie he should walk out in a speedo or something. Robin said Artie would rather work on his jokes than do something like that.
Howard mentioned that the Artie and Dice comedy show is going to be replayed. He took a phone call from a guy who said he loved that Gilbert prank call and would love to hear it again. He also talked about a great Mike Walker prank call that he liked. Howard played him the newest Mike Walker call where he calls a bakery and asks for a lot of bizarre stuff.
Howard talked about some of the other calls that Sal and Richard have made and played the call that the phone caller mentioned. That one was a call they made to a guy who laughed right along with the Mike Walker laughs. Howard wondered if that guy ever recovered from that phone call. He said he'd be really thrown off by a call like that.
The phone caller asked Howard if Andy Dick changed producers or something because the show wasn't moving on very quickly. Howard said he doesn't know about that but he listened to some clips and thought the show was very entertaining. He said he had a clip of Andy talking about how he got jacked off by a guy when he was just 12 years old. Howard played that clip and another one where Andy sings a song about Myspace and why he hates it so much. Andy said that it's very fake and even though he's got 20,000 ''Friends'' no one showed up to his movie premiere in Westwood. He only had about 40 people in the audience.
The caller told Howard that Andy did that song two times last night. He went into a little more detail in the clip that Howard played. The guy told Howard that Howard 101 is like an adventure with all of the shows they have on there.
Howard played another clip where Andy talks about how he gets thrown out of every club he goes to. Howard wondered how he manages to do that because no one gets thrown out of clubs like that. Andy talked about how the bouncer was keeping him from entering the club and he had no idea why he had been kicked out.
Howard played a clip where Andy talks about smoking weed. Andy said it's tough not to but right now he's not smoking or drinking. He told his caller that he had a pound of the stuff sitting in a very private place with some very nice red wine. It's ready to go if he has an emergency. Howard wondered why he would keep that stuff around if he's trying to stay sober. Robin said he's saying that he knows he'll go back eventually so he keeps the stuff around.
Howard talked about how mental he gets when he smokes weed. He smoked a lot of the stuff when he was in high school but he can't smoke it anymore. He said the stuff has gotten stronger and stronger over the years and he now hates it. Artie told a story about taking mushrooms one time and they were really wild. He said he took a handful of them at a concert and lost it. He was walking up and down the upper deck but didn't even remember it. He said that it was the worst high he ever had.
Howard told the story about going out to L.A. years ago and got some weed when he went out to dinner. He took three hits off this joint and it made him so mental that he had to have his agent drive him to the hotel so he could go to bed. He said he heard that one of his friends pretended to take a hit but didn't really do it. He also said that Mary McCormack told him to just suck it up and deal with it instead of freaking out so much.
Artie said that someone he worked with on MAD TV ate some pot brownies and he totally freaked out. Howard thanked the caller and let him go. He had to take a break but he also had another clip to play. He said that Fred was doing an Artie impression on the Wrap Up Show and people believed it was actually Artie. He played the clip and Fred was doing his bad impression of Artie but people believed it was him. Robin wondered how anyone would believe that was Artie because he sounded nothing like him.
Howard played more of the clip and the callers were falling for it. Fred didn't even seem to be trying to sound anything like Artie. Fred finally broke the news to the guy that Artie had left the show 15 minutes before.
Howard said that the SternFanNetwork took a poll and asked what name they should give to the real doll. The name that they came up with is Elisabeth Hasselbeck. Howard said that's brilliant and they will definitely give the doll that name. The number two answer was Beth O. Then they had FCC, Ralphie Cakes, Anne Coulter and others. He said they're definitely going with Elisabeth Hasselbeck.
Howard mentioned that they had Heidi Cortez coming in today and said that she better have some good stories and stuff for the show. She was on Bubba's show a while back and Bubba actually kicked her off the show because she didn't want to do anything cool for them. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Howard mentioned that the Jackie's Joke Hunt show is on tonight at 7pm. The Riley Martin show is on at midnight on Howard 101 tonight as well. That led to him playing Dan the Song Parody Man's latest Riley Martin song parody. He also replayed the new Gilbert Gottfried prank call that Sal and Richard made to a gay bath house.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he wanted to put Gary in his place about claiming he has an IQ of 136. Gary said he never said he had an IQ that high, he looked in a book and it said it was that high. The caller said he thinks that even Sal is smarter than Gary. Howard said he thought he was retarded after taking an IQ test one time. He said he scored a 114 or 119 one time and thought he was retarded. The caller told him that's average though so he's not retarded.
Artie said he remembers the number 170 but that may have been his weight. Gary asked the caller what he does for a living. The guy said he runs two companies and he's a computer scientist. He claims to have a 129 IQ. Howard said he thinks that 136 is the number of M&M's Gary can eat in one minute. Gary wanted him to keep the guy on the line so he could set up a competition but he was already gone. Howard said that maybe he'll call back.
Howard talked about his chess playing and how he would love to make it to the score of 2000 or something but you go up in very small increments. He said he's climbing up pretty rapidly right now but he's heard that when you get to 1600 it slows down quite a bit. Howard was told that chess playing has nothing to do with IQ but he thinks that it does.
Lisa went over some of the politicians that are in the local area so Howard said that it's supposed to be the Howard 100 News and didn't want them doing reports about politicians. Lisa said that they're doing that since they discussed that stuff on the show yesterday. Howard said he has to rein them in once in a while when they start doing ''real'' news stories.
Fred played some Eric the Midget audio clips telling Howard to shut the fuck up and stuff like that. Howard pretended to talk to Eric while Fred did that.
Bong Hit Eric called in and said he wanted to get some advice on voting. Howard said he told everyone how to vote yesterday. He said he's voting for Hillary Clinton, Elliot Spitzer, no Hevesi, Janine Pirro... Eric said he thought that he just had to vote for a couple, he didn't know that he had to vote for so many.
Howard said that Elliot Spitzer came up to him while he was running and introduced himself. He said he seemed like a good dude and he thinks he'll make a great governor.
Howard had some audio clips from Oprah's show where Kirstie Alley showed off her body in a bikini. He played a clip where Kirstie comes out wrapped in a scarf-like thing and then whips that off. The audience was cheering for her but Howard said she covered right up after she showed her body.
The IQ caller from earlier called back in and said he would challenge Gary to an IQ test. The guy gave Gary an easy one where he said ''There are 10 people in a race and you take over the last person, what position are you in?'' Gary thought it was 9th but Howard said you are in last place so you can't take over that position.
The caller asked Gary to pronounce three words that he would spell out for him. The first word was ''Mcdonalds'' the second was ''Macdouglas'' (Gary said Macdougals).... Then the caller gave him the third word which was ''Machine.'' Gary assumed that it was another Mac word and answered ''Mac-Hine'' Gary said that those aren't IQ questions, they're trick questions. Gary told the guy that next week they'll set up something and take the test within an hour or so and see how they do.
Gary said he never said that he had an IQ of 136 so he doesn't know where this is all coming from. He is willing to take the IQ test though. They goofed on Gary for a few minutes because one of the word scrambles he got was for the word Machine and he said he was ''Mac-Hine.'' Artie told the caller, Christopher, that they would leave him messages on his ''answering Mac-Hine.'' Howard wouldn't let up on Gary and continued to goof on him about the ''Mac-Hine'' thing.
Howard mentioned that comedian Katt Williams won't be on the show today and explained his arrest at the L.A. airport. He was supposed to be on the show today. Howard played some of his comedy clips where he uses the N-word like crazy.
Howard had some clips to play from the Inside the porn Actor's Studio that Richard Christy hosts. He said that he does a real good job with that show. He interviewed porn star Ashley Blue in that show. Howard played one clip where Richard asks Ashley about her drug experimentation. She told Richard about making a crack pipe out of a light bulb one time but said it didn't work out very well.
Ashley also talked about her fascination with puke. Howard played a clip where Sal the Stockbroker asks her to keep doing what she's doing in porn because she's so great. She asks him for some advice on what to do next in her movies. She said that she thought about sticking a woman's hand in a pencil sharpener and cramming it into her cunt. Sal also suggested that she get a circle jerk and then have guys hose it off with their piss.
Gary mentioned that Heidi Cortez was there and then talked about how hot her first appearance on the show was back when they were at K-Rock. She had taken her top off and masturbated on the air.
Howard mentioned that Beth went out to a movie premiere last night with a friend of hers. He said he'd like to go to a movie night like that but he has to work so he can't do that. He said he can't expect her to go to bed as early as he does. Howard goes to bed at about 8:30 every night. Gary said he goes to bed at 11 and he's up at 4:20 in the morning.
Howard said he's been catching up on the shows he has on his TiVo. He said that there's a blonde on Survivor that looks really good. He said he likes how the women get thinner and thinner as the show goes on. He also said he's been liking this season of ''Smallville.'' He and Robin spent a short time talking about that.
Howard said Ralph gave him some movies to watch but he's so into chess that he's been slacking off on some of that stuff. Gary said he saw Mission Impossible III over the weekend and thought it was really good. Howard said Ralph told him it wasn't all that great.
Howard took a call from Bobo who said that he saw a picture of Imus in the newspaper today and he looks so old. Howard said he heard form a friend of his that he saw Imus in a coffee shop one day and he looked really bizarre. He was wearing a cowboy hat and his jeans were the type that old guys wear up to their tits. Howard wondered just how old he is. Gary told him that he just turned 66 according to the information he had.
Bobo asked Howard to play Fred's song about Imus. Howard said he'd play that going to break. Bobo mentioned he's going to be on the Superfan Roundtable on Thursday night. Howard said that Bobo is good on that show and he knows a lot about the show.
Artie talked about how he got sucked into watching the first Knicks game in a while. He said he'd like to see a winning team but it just doesn't happen. Howard took another phone call from a guy who asked Howard if he and Beth watch porn together. He said they used to do that but she was grossed out by it. He said she sounded like she was into it until she actually sat down and watched it.
Howard said Beth was out last night and he didn't even jerk off so maybe he's finally growing up. He said he had some new pajama bottoms and didn't want to stain them. He said that she noticed that he had some cum stains on his underwear but he denied that's what it was. He said she does the laundry so Robin told him that maybe she's just not doing her job correctly.
Howard took another phone call from a guy who said he's been a fan since the Channel 9 show days. Howard mentioned that he got a letter from Dan Forman who used to be their producer on the Channel 9 show. He said he asked Jason to print it out but Jason came in and said he never got it.
Howard read some other e-mail instead. He said that Doug Goodstein's friend sent him an e-mail about producing the new season of Survivor and he's across the world listening to the show over the internet. The caller Howard had on the line interrupted and told him what a great guy he was in his final year at K-Rock. Howard said he was miserable there and he is so glad to be there at SIRIUS now.
Jason came in and told Howard he never got that Dan Forman letter so he couldn't print it out. Howard took a call from a guy who asked about the TV show ''Heroes.'' Howard said he's a week behind but he may be losing interest already. They talked about the hot blonde on the show, Ali Larter, for a short time.
The caller also asked Howard about the race that Robin and Bubba are supposed to do. Howard said that they're working on that whole thing and they don't have it all set yet.
Ralph said that he almost turned off ''Heroes'' last night because nothing happens on the show. They're way too subtle on that show with the stuff they do. He said they could turn six shows into one at the rate they go with the story lines.
Howard ended up doing a little more of his Grandma Caprio after reading an e-mail about the impression. Someone wrote in and bitched at Robin for her comments about the Steelers. Howard said one person asked about the Proper Modulation song that Fred payed last week. The writer wondered who created it. Fred said that was a Richard Christy creation. Howard played the song so everyone knew what they were talking about. They played a High Pitch Eric prank call as they were going to break.
Howard played one clip of one song and said it was actually kind of cool. He won't buy another album with the same song on it. Gary said that their friend Vinnie (Favale) will buy any album with a Beatles song on it. Howard played another remixed song and said that maybe he would buy that album. Artie was into it as well.
Howard had the guys bring in Heidi Cortez since she had been waiting so long. Gary told Howard she has a friend with her as well. Howard told him to just bring Heidi in for now. She's got a book out called ''Heidi's Bedtime Stories: Erotic Quickies for Men and Women.''
Howard said Heidi was looking good today. He asked her to describe her outfit. She said she had low rider jeans and a black lacey top. She gave Howard a copy of her book and said that she dedicated to him. Howard read the quick dedication where she thanked him.
Heidi said that she did a bunch of shows after doing Howard's and she was asked to write this book so she went for it. Howard told her that she might owe him some head since he helped her get there. He asked her what happened and why her show isn't on anymore.
Heidi said she got a letter in July and was told that they were ending the show. She was kind of bummed because she was having fun doing it. Howard said he heard that she's a major pain in the ass. Gary said that she's difficult to work with from what he's heard. He said she was asked to write some stories for them but she was busy working on her book. Then they had Jason writing some stories for her and she didn't like them so she would turn them down.
Gary said it turned into a whole big thing so they dropped the show. Heidi said that she couldn't read the stories on the air because they were for the book only. Jason said that Heidi was great when she was doing shows there in New York live. When she went home to Reno it turned into a nightmare trying to make it happen.
Heidi said that Jason's stories were actually very good and most of the stuff she did on the air were the stories that he wrote. Howard told her that she should have been concentrating on the radio show, not the book, because she wouldn't have the book without the radio show.
Howard said he heard that Jason was falling in love with Heidi and would walk her to her hotel room when she'd go home. Jason said that there were a lot of guys there who would check her out when she was hanging out in the offices there. Her thong would stick out of her pants and guys would walk by the glass offices and drool over her.
Heidi said she doesn't think she was a pain in the ass even though everyone was saying that was the case. Gary said he heard that Jason was so smitten with her that he put together a whole care package for her nephew. Jason said he did do that.
Bubba the Love Sponge called in and said that Heidi was an impossible cunt to deal with. He talked about the time she did his show and gave them a really bad attitude when she was on. She refused to do anything with her friend in her hotel room.
Heidi told Howard that Bubba asked her to make out with her friend from kindergarten. She also said that Bubba's producers stalked her to get her on the show. Heidi said she's also not going to do stuff like that for Bubba's show, she would only do it for Howard or for her Tissue Time show. Bubba was still pissed at her and said that he's glad he hung up on her.
Heidi said she had never heard Bubba's show before so she didn't know what she was in for at the time. She said he turned on her very quickly. Bubba said that when a woman doesn't give them what they want, they will berate her as much as possible.
Heidi's friend from kindergarten was there with her today and she said she would tongue her for Howard any day. Howard told Bubba he had to get going so he let him off the phone and got back to Heidi. He gave her another plug for her book and asked her if she wanted to read something from it. She said she would do it but the stories were pretty long.
Heidi said that there are 35 short stories in the book and some are from a man's point of view and others are from the woman. She said she would try to get to the good parts quickly and not read all 1200 words. She went into a story about a woman in a laundry room who took off all of her clothes. She was reading through it but Howard told her he was bored and maybe this wasn't good for the air. Fred threw in a snoring sound effect.
Heidi tried moving on to the good parts and got to the details that Howard was looking for. The good part was the last paragraph of the story. Howard asked Heidi when she got laid last. She said it was about 2 weeks ago and she met the guy on Myspace. She said he was a friend of Tony Hawk's that she met through the site. She said they talked for about 3 months before she actually let him bang her.
Howard asked Heidi about doing chicks. She said she doesn't have sex with girls but she has kissed them. Howard asked her if she's ever had a guy stick a finger in her ass while having sex. She said she loves that but she doesn't really have anal sex. She said that a guy should stick his finger as far up there as it will go too.
Howard asked Heidi how many guys she's had. She said it's been about 12 but Robin said that's the number that all women use when they don't want to admit to how many they've actually had.
Howard wanted Heidi to do some sexy stuff for them like she did the first time she visited where she masturbated on the air. She said she wanted to make out with her best friend from Kindergarten. The friend came in a short time later and told Howard about the clothes she was wearing. She had leg warmers, a mini-dress and some sneakers on with a coat covering her up. Howard said that both of them were similar with their slutty looks.
Double A called in and said that Heidi is on eof the ''beautifulest'' girls he's ever met. He said that Howard should have her do something for them. Another caller said that Jason writing those stories for SIRIUS was freaking him out. He said that he was grossed out by that whole story. Howard said they should have Jason read his stories on the air and maybe A-B the story with Heidi.
Another caller said he thinks that he has feelings for Jason now that he knows he wrote those stories he got off to. Howard wanted Heidi to do something so Gary suggested that she ride the Sybian. Heidi was intimidated by it and wasn't sure she wanted to do that. She said she would kiss her friend Wendy though. Howard said that they don't do any insertion with the Sybian so they don't have to worry about that.
Howard told Heidi that riding the Sybian would be really cool. She was still kind of hesitant to do it though. Howard told her it was all clean and ready to go. She made sure there was nothing that was going to go inside of her. Howard had the guys show her the machine and she said she thinks she can do that.
Heidi said she thought that it was a big dildo that went inside of her. Howard gave her a plug for her book and said she'll be making some appearances where she'll be signing copies of her book. She went over to the Sybian but refused to take her top off because she had a little work done on them just a few weeks ago. She said she had them lifted and it was just a few weeks ago. She didn't want to show the scars.
Howard wanted to talk some ''sexy time'' with Heidi before they turned on the machine. He asked her about this guy she had sex with a couple of weeks ago. She also described herself and what she was wearing. Heidi said she was on that thing and she just wanted to go. Heidi told Howard about what she was wearing the night she banged this guy. She said they started making out in her hotel room and then they went out on the balcony and kept doing that. Then he started caressing her body and then undressed her really slowly. He actually did her on the balcony and did her out there. She said she was bent over looking out at the whole city over the balcony.
Heidi said the guy was rubbing the head of his cock on her wet pussy for about 20 minutes. Howard had Gary start the Sybian at that point. Howard tried asking her more about that night but she was moaning within seconds of Gary starting it up. She let out a bunch of ''Oh my God'' comments as Gary let the machine run. She finished a short time into it and said she was sweating after that.
Heidi told Howard it wasn't that bad and didn't think she was going to do it at all. She was still moaning at that point and tried to recover from it. Howard told her to kiss her friend since she was all horny. Wendy ran over to get her kiss so they went at it for a few seconds. Heidi said her knees were trembling and she wasn't able to stand up because of that Sybian. She said she was shaking and her knees were weak. She doesn't usually use sex toys so she's not used to that stuff.
Howard asked Wendy if she wanted to try it out. She said she would so the guys got her a new attachment. She didn't want to take off her dress or anything. Howard said it looked like she had a nice body but she didn't want to show it.
Howard told Gary to put his bee keeper's mask on but Gary told him that they would turn down the lights so he didn't need it. Howard let him off the hook and had Wendy get on the machine. He also told Heidi to make out with her while she's riding it. Heidi said she'd wait until she was really into it before doing that.
Wendy thought the power was a little too much for her so Gary had to turn down the power. Heidi said her panties were wet and she was very surprised about that and the fact that she rode the thing at all. Howard asked Wendy a question but she wasn't really able to speak with the Sybian running. She asked Gary to turn it up and started moaning a little bit. Gary jacked it up pretty high and she hopped off the machine because it felt too good. She didn't want to make a mess.
The guys and Heidi convinced Wendy to get back on. She took it for another ride and let out some ''Oh my God'' comments just like Heidi did. She asked Gary to turn it off and claimed that she did finish. She was barely able to speak after the ride.
Gary told Howard that Ronnie just said that Sal had run into the bathroom with a newspaper during that segment so he wanted to know if he went in there and beat off. Howard gave Heidi some plugs for the appearances she's making and for her web site HeidiCortezMusic.com and HeidiCortez.com.
Howard told Heidi she should cut a new Tissue Time for them but she said she would like to do some prank calls with Sal and Richard like she did in the past. Howard said that would be cool too.
Howard asked Wendy if she was okay because she looked like she was out of it. She said she prefers to be finished off by a guy so she can cum and squirt when she finishes. She said she really likes when her boyfriend does her from behind with her face in the pillow or on her back with her legs behind her. She said that's what makes her squirt.
Heidi said that she likes when a guy picks her up by her ass and does her while standing up. She likes to bounce on the guy while holding onto his neck. She also told Howard that she would like to get fucked on a baseball field while people are still in the stands.
Wendy siad she would like to have two guys at the same time, that's her fantasy. ARtie sia dthat it's tough to find two guys to do that beucasde they don't want any contact themselves. The girls both said that they date regular guys. Heidi said that seh loves the comedy stuff and someone who can make her laugh is great.
Ralph called in and said that leg warmers aren't hot but Howard and the guys told him that Wendy looked good in them. Ralph also said that Jason must be gay if he was writing those stories for Heidi. He suggested that Heidi do her Tissue Time show while riding the Sybian. Heidi said seh was convinced that this was a big dildo that the girls were strapping in but she was wrong about that.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he had to rub one out to that segment. Howard wondered if Sal rubbed one out in the bathroom too. Gary said he was still in the bathroom so they're not sure yet.
Jason came in with one of the stories that he wrote for Heidi to read on Tissue Time. Howard wanted him to read that for them. He gave Heidi a few plugs and then had Jason read his story. Jason read through part of the story but Howard couldn't take much of it.
Gary told Howard that Jason's mother hates teh way he sounds on the air and wanted him to get voice lessons. Jason said he won't do that though. Jason said that she's very critical of his on the air voice.
Howard played a prank call that Heidi made to a pizza place where she told the woman who answered the phoen what to write on a note to include with her pizza. They also had another clip where they had Heidi talking to clips of Don Imus. There was another one where Evil Dave Letterman and Heidi recorded a session together.
Howard saw that there was another prank that Heidi made to a chicken restuarant. He didn't remember that one. He played that one and Heidi asks for some chicken and corn on the cob. She asked for some white man gravy but they didn't have that there. Heidi had the guy calling her names and saying that he was going to take his dick out. He tells her to ''have a good one'' after ging through a whole sex thing with her. Howard gave Heidi some plugs for her apperanaces and went to breka a short time later.
Double A called in and asked what Howard would rate that Sybian ride at out of all of the girls that have ridden it. Howard said he could tell that she wasn't faking it and it was pretty intense. Double A asked Howard when this was going to air on Howard TV. Doug came running in and said that he was working on it and it would be up tomorrow night.
Doug also told Howard that he and Double A have made up since the whole Film Festival thing. It only took 6 months for that to happen.
Howard took a call from Crazy Alice who is still upset that he calls her ''Crazy'' because she doesn't believe she's crazy. Howard congratulated her on her football pool win this past weekend. She said that it's about time that things started going her way. She said she's been miserable her whole life. Alice said a few nice words to Fred but Artie interrupted and started bad mouthing her. That got Alice all pissed off at him but Howard didn't seem to want to get into that this morning.
Howard asked Alice what horrible thing has ever happened to her in her life. She said that her father was a miserable man and he was a black, Italian Hitler to her. She said that he would beat up on her mother and that wasn't right. She wasn't molested or anything like that.
Alice was going off on her father but quickly switched it over to Artie and went off on him some more. Howard had no idea what she was talking about at that point. Howard tried to get her off the phone but she wouldn't stop talking. He eventually let her go since he couldn't get her to change the subject.
Howard said that Geraldo just sat there and pretended that these guys were doing something new and innovative when they're just doing the Howard Stern Show in Spanish. JD came in and told Howard he should have that clip available in about 10 minutes. Howard wasn't sure if he could get through it because he was so disgusted by it.
Howard played some of Rod Stewart's new album where he covers some classic rock songs. Robin asked Jon Hein when he jumped the shark. Jon said it was after he did ''Do you Think I'm Sexy'' and came out with some really bad albums. Howard played through a couple of Rod Stewart songs and the guys didn't seem to like what they were hearing.
Steve Langford finally got to his news preview. He mentioned a story they'll have about Heather Wilson. Howard mentioned that Cabbie finally got a job there at SIRIUS and he'll be in tomorrow to talk about that. Steve mentioned some of the other political candidate stories they'll have on today's Howard 100 News. He said they'll be talking to Chuck Zito about his Howard 101 show that he'll be rehearsing for.
Jon Hein gave his rundown for today's Wrap Up Show. He mentioned the Heidi Cortez visit and the IQ test discussions they had earlier in the show. They'll also talk about Katt Williams not making it to the show today.
Howard spent a minute talking to Artie about the Hawaiian Punch he was drinking. Artie said he's been trying to avoid caffeine since Ronnie mentioned the kidney stones thing recently. Howard quickly mentioned that Cabbie's radio show is airing on Faction 28 on Saturday night on SIRIUS.
Before Robin got to her first story Howard found the e-mail about Artie's diet. The guy said that Artie should stop drinking so much stuff with sugar in it because he might become a diabetic. Artie said he's fine so far and he gets checked twice a year.
Ralph called in and goofed on Gary's ''Mac-Hine'' comment earlier in the show so Howard told him that they may have to retire ''Baba Booey'' and start calling Gary ''Mac-Hine.'' Gary didn't think it was possible that they would do that but he also didn't think that ''Baba Booey'' would stick back in 1989.
During the news Howard mentioned that one of Artie's outfits from Dirty Work was up on eBay.com. He wondered if it was the actual suit. Artie took a look at it and said it did look like the jumpsuit so it probably was it. Artie thought about bumping up the bids himself to get some publicity and to make himself look good. Howard said that would be cool but actually buying it would be kind of lame.
During the news Fred was throwing in a bunch of Gilbert Gottfried's laughs from yesterday's show at inappropriate times. Howard also replayed the prank call the guys made to a gay bath house using those clips of Gilbert.
Robin finished up her news and Howard ended the show around 11:00am.
Howard started off the show talking about how he was thinking of changing the opening song for the show to The Chambers Brothers ''Time'' instead of the same intro, American Nightmare, he's had since Private Parts came out. He thinks that Time would be a better fit for the show. He told Fred to give it a try. Fred played the song and Howard stayed quite for a couple of minutes checking it out.
Howard said he thinks that it's time for the change of the song. He thought the song might fire him up but he was having doubts. He knows that the fans are going to call in and complain about it. Artie said it is kind of cool that he's performing that opening song and maybe they should keep it. Howard said he forgot that the song was about him. Rob Zombie wrote it for the Private Parts movie.
Howard started taking phone calls about the song change and guys were telling him not to change it. One guy said that he uses that song to wake up in the morning and ''Time'' isn't going to do it.
Gary told Howard that he's kind of grown attached to the Baba Booey name and he's not looking to be called ''Mac-Hine.'' Howard played Pink Floyd's ''Welcome to the Machine'' and threw in the Mac-Hine reference to goof on Gary a little bit.
Howard talked about how Gary was claiming that he had a 136 IQ yesterday. Gary says he didn't make that claim, he read it in some book he saw. He doesn't claim that he's that smart and said that Howard is the one who thinks he's smarter than everyone. Howard said he knows he's got a low IQ and admitted that on the show yesterday.
Howard said he went to vote yesterday and the place was run by all black ladies. He said that they seemed to love him when he walked in. They were all star struck when he went in there and he got special treatment there. There were no lines when he went to vote because he went in at around 2 in the afternoon.
Howard said a woman came up to him and told him that she watches him on TV every night. He said he knew she was lying because he didn't think she even had a TV. He walked into the booth to vote and some old guy walked by and said he doesn't like Howard Stern. He said the woman forgot to reset the booth for the vote so he was yanking on all of the levers until she told him she had to reset it.
Howard said it took him like an hour to vote and when he came out he said he thinks he voted not knowing if it was actually going to count. The woman told him that it will count though.
Howard explained to the caller how that all came about back when he was a little kid. Fred played some of the audio where his father talked about the green type of tube and finding the proper modulation. Howard said he hears that and thinks that his father was out of his fuckin mind back then.
The caller told Howard that he's been following Howard's ass wiping technique since reading his book years ago and he hasn't gotten hemorrhoids. Howard said he's been using baby wipes lately and someone sent him some chlorine free baby wipes. Ross Zaipen gave him some Wet Ones with Vitamin E and Aloe so he's been using those.
Howard explained how he wipes with 3 pieces of toilet paper. He was wiping from back to front but Robin has explained to him that's the wrong direction. Howard has been trying to wipe from front to back with the wipes and he never has a clean wipe. It's always a mess back there.
Howard carries around all of his wiping stuff in his ''murse'' which is his man purse. He doesn't know why more guys don't carry around a murse like he does. Artie carries around a Rawlings leather bag. Artie also said he bought a Spider-Man folder to carry around his paperwork in. He showed it to Howard and said it makes him feel like he's back in school.
Howard explained what he's got in his bag and how he's got his wipes in there. Robin said she doesn't like how wet those wipes are.
Artie said he was coming back from Boston last weekend and he had to shit. He said he saw a diner on 2nd Ave, parked his car on the side, walked into the diner and did the shit walk into the bathroom. He had to go so bad that he just shit, gave 2 wipes and tried to flush but it didn't go down. He got out of there as fast as possible and left the mess there. He had to hurry up and get back to his car because he could have been towed. He said he may has well have just shit his pants because he didn't wipe well and made a mess in his pants.
Artie said he eats really unhealthy when he's on the road... like he eats any better when he's not on the road. He told Howard how he had gotten a couple of cheeseburgers and a milk shake at McDonalds and he thinks that the shake must have had a laxative in it. That's why he had to shit so bad.
Howard said he's thinking about joining a chess league. Artie told him not to do that. He was almost begging him not to join a chess league. Howard said he's heard about a club that he could go to and play against real people in person but he's thinking that staying online is the best way to go. He said that Beth is just waiting for him to burn out on this whole obsession because things don't last that long with him. The grilling only lasted a short time before he gave up on that. He used to love grilling but now he doesn't cook at all because he doesn't feel like it. Artie said he wouldn't either because it's a lot of work. He hates the clean up.
Howard mentioned that Cindy Margolis was going to be stopping by today. She's appearing in Playboy and looks amazing in the pictures he's seen. He said that it might be the hottest Playboy layout he's ever seen.
Howard said he was listening to Bubba's show yesterday and he thought the show was really good. They were having discussions about guys who are growers or showers. He explained to Robin how his penis changes from day to day as far as how big it is. He said that some days it'll be really tiny and other days it's just very small.
Howard said he goes from about a half inch to 6 inches so he must be a grower. That doesn't always happen with guys. He asked Artie how big he is when he's flaccid. Artie thought about it for a minute and said it's about 2 1/2 inches. It's under three. He said he's between 5 1/2 and 6 inches when he's erect because he has measured. He said he's never quite reached 6 inches.
Howard said Bubba's conversation was very interesting. He said Bubba was also talking politics a little bit and also talking about how he wasn't available the other day because he was at marriage counseling and he's not even married yet. Howard said they had a lot of interesting things on the show yesterday.
Howard said they were talking about what Bubba and his fiancee might be talking about in counseling. Howard said that he and Beth both agree that they don't want kids right now but if something changes in the future, what do they do? That's the kind of stuff that Bubba might be talking about with his future wife. Artie thinks that Howard should get out of the relationship before she wants kids because if they do end up having kids, Howard is going to resent the kid.
Robin said that she thinks Howard would love whatever came out of Beth and he would stay with her even if she did want kids. Robin made the decision not to have kids because she's too selfish for that. Howard said that she was a Big Sister to a girl though. Robin said that was one of the toughest things she's ever done and she did find herself in her car heading in the other direction on many occasions. She would turn around and go to get the girl though so she didn't bail out on her.
Howard said he loves his kids but he really doesn't want any more. He said it's a good idea for Bubba and his future wife to go to a therapist. It could help them get through stuff before they actually get married. Robin said that you don't always know how things are going to go 5 years from now. She asked Howard if he's heard about Brent's marriage because his wife has to call and ask him to do anything she does. Howard thinks that's got something to do with a guy who can't get away from his own mother.
King of All Blacks called in and asked Howard why he wouldn't be able to love a kid while he can love his bull dog. Howard said he was taking this discussion in a strange direction. He said he would love his kids but he doesn't want to have anymore. Robin said that Howard's condom could rip and he could spill his seed and get Beth pregnant. Howard said he didn't want to talk about that anymore. King said he doesn't want to face the reality of all of this.
Howard said he feels the same way Artie does when he's doing the Grandma Caprio impression. Artie got Howard's megaphone and started doing an impression of Beth asking him to have babies. Artie did that and even did an impression of Howard's grandmother. Artie switched between the two and did his female voice as Beth telling Robin she was pregnant. She said she was going to have a lot of baby weight on her and he was going to have a child. He said that they would never have to have sex again after she has the baby.
King said that he doesn't think that Beth is the kind of woman who would make Howard take care of the kid. Artie did some more of Howard's grandma and telling Howard she wanted Beth to convert to become a Jew. King told Howard he's going to have to face this whole thing some day soon. He thinks that in about 6 months from now she's going to ask for a baby and Howard will cave in and give her the baby.
Howard said he doesn't have to listen to that crap from King of All Blacks so he hung up on him. Melrose Larry Green called in and said he knows Howard is going to hang up on him but he can't stand his stance on the Iraq war. Melrose said that Artie voted for Bush but Artie said that's not true. Melrose wished Artie luck at Carnegie Hall and told Howard he's depressed and this is not the end of the road for the Republicans. He got off the line a short time later without getting into the war discussion too much.
A caller told Howard that he's a grower just like Howard is. Howard told the guy they should all stick together as a group. Artie told Howard that Norm Macdonald has said on the show that he's 6 inches flaccid and when he's hard. He doesn't grow at all when he gets erect. Howard said he's had to hide his penis over the years and can't show it to guys in the locker room.
Robin said that she was looking at the statue of David and he looks very small. Howard said he likes that statue because Michelangelo didn't go too far and give the guy a huge penis. Howard had to go to break a short time later.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that all of his old Channel 9 shows are available on YouTube. Howard said that's his problem with YouTube. He said some guys just made a billion dollars selling that site to Google and they're using his material on there. Artie said that he's going to try suing them over the content they have of his up there so maybe Howard should go for it as well.
Howard told Gary to tell his agent about the channel 9 stuff being up on YouTube. Gary came in and told Howard that he was talking about an old episode of a show that Joe Frasier was on and when he went on YouTube to find it, he ended up finding an episode of E! when Joe was on Howard's show. The whole show was up there. Gary said he would talk to Howard's agent about that today.
Robin told Howard that Google just worked out a deal with Verizon to let people watch the YouTube stuff on their cell phones. Howard didn't sound too happy about that.
Howard said that Ritch had another story that Jay Leno had told him. Howard didn't think the story was true but Ritch said that Jay told him the story himself so he thinks it's true. Ritch told Howard that this was back in the 70s and some woman had asked Jay to tie her up to have sex with her. He did that but then realized that he had to move his car. He ran out and when he went back in and forgot what her last name was and which apartment she was in so he just left her there. He later heard that it was the best thing that had ever happened to the woman.
Howard said there was another guy who called himself the Amazing Jonathan. Ritch told a story about that guy and how he was fucking his opening act. He said that she used to like a vibrator up her ass and one night it went too far in and he wasn't able to get it out. He was friends with Roseanne Barr so he called her and asked to borrow her car to take this woman to the hospital. He told Roseanne what the problem was and she let him borrow the car. He took the woman to the hospital and helped her out but Roseanne told people the story and it changed to make it seem like Jonathan was the one who had it up his ass.
Howard gave Ritch a plug for his book and asked him about a George Lopez story. Ritch told a story about George doing a show with this guy Spanky who would open for him. Spanky got blown during the show and the woman spit his load into a coffee cup that was in the green room and some woman came walking in and drank it a short time later. They didn't stop her from doing it even though they probably could have.
Artie told Ritch the book was really good and he did a great job on it. Howard said there was another story in the book about Bob Schimmel's mother seeing Rodney Dangerfield's balls hanging out. Howard wished Ritch luck with the book and let him go.
Howard said he was watching Dancing with the Stars last night and it was just a recap show. Ronnie came in and told him that they had the regular show on later on at like 8:30 last night. Jon Hein came in and told Howard that they did that because of all of the local election coverage that was going on. Howard said that was a bad move because he didn't bother sticking with it when he saw the recap going on.
Howard talked about the show ''Heroes'' and how he thinks they could make it better if they just showed these people using their super powers. Jon Hein said he's heard that they're going to have the people using their powers every week eventually. They're starting off slow. Howard said the show is okay and he'll probably stick with it but it's a little slow right now.
Howard and the guys talked about some other comic book movies. Howard said he loves anything comic book based. They also brought up the Borat movie and how there's a guy claiming that he's the ''real'' Borat and he was ripped off.
Howard wondered how Congresswoman Heather Wilson was doing in the election. Gary said he was checking into it and she had a very minor lead and she was only ahead by about 1000 votes. He thinks that it'll be a recount because it's so close. This is the woman who went off on the heads of CBS one day in some hearings they had after the Janet Jackson Super Bowl incident. Fred played some audio of her going off on Mel Karmazin when he was still working at CBS.
Howard mentioned some of the stuff they have up on Howard TV this week including Beth's FHM shoot. They have a lot of other things like some classic Stuttering John stuff among other things. Howard said they also have a documentary on the Sybian coming up soon.
Some people wrote in about the Beth O FHM layout and how good she looks in there. Howard had some mail about Heidi Cortez. A lot of people wanted her off the air yesterday. Fred said that people wrote in over and over again about how annoying Heidi was.
Howard said some people asked about how Bianca is doing. Howard said she's fine, there's nothing wrong with her but she does have a little bit of a limp. Howard had to take a break and said that he would have Cindy Margolis coming in shortly. He had a bunch of other things to get to as well like clips from Riley Martin's show that was on last night.
Cindy told Howard that she told Howard years ago that she would never pose nude but she finally just broke down and did it. She said that Hugh Hefner called to wish her a happy birthday on her 40th birthday and offered to have her do a layout. She thought it was great that he still wanted her and figured she had to do it.
Howard said that Cindy must have done this as a business decision. Cindy said that is the case. Howard told her that it might be the best layout he's seen. She thanked him for that and said that she got a 10 page layout which was something that they don't usually do.
Artie told Cindy that her pictures are incredible. Robin said that they were amazing as well so Cindy thanked them all for that. Howard didn't like her landing strip pubic hair but Artie said he likes that. Howard said Cindy has really nice nips and asked her who did her boobs. She said that she had a lift after her child was born but she does not have implants. Fred said that there's no way that they're real. She insists that they're real and you can tell because her nips don't point in the wrong direction.
Cindy said that she wasn't trying to look like a 20 year old Playmate, she was just showing that a 40 year old can look good. Cindy said that she's going through a mid-life crisis now and she wishes that she was more of a slut when she was younger. She said she was so righteous when she was younger and she regrets that.
Cindy dated Matt Leblanc a few times but she never let him sleep with her. She now realizes she could have had so much more fun back then. She said she knows she blew it. Now she's in shape and having some fun.
Howard asked Cindy if her ass looks as good in person as it does in the layout. Cindy said she will not be showing her ass so it probably looks better in the layout. Cindy said she wasn't wearing any panties but she was not going to show the guys her ass. She did pull up her skirt quickly so Howard got a quick view.
Howard said the money offer must have been pretty good to do this layout. He wondered if it was higher now than it was back when she was ''the most downloaded woman on the internet.'' Cindy said that the offer was more this time than it was back then. The money is going to a good cause. It's going to a charity for infertility. Howard said he thinks that if he shot his load in Cindy, she would have a child. That led to Artie doing his Beth impression on the megaphone which pissed Howard off a little bit.
Cindy said that she had one child herself but her other kids came from a surrogate mother. That woman had twins for her so she's got three kids now. Cindy said the surrogate thing was a different experience. The woman is still in touch with her and she gets to see the kids. She said it was basically like renting the woman's womb. She said the woman was an angel and everything has worked out. She knew that the woman wasn't going to run away with her kids or anything like that.
Howard asked what they pay these surrogates. He guessed that it was $30,000 which was right on the spot according to Cindy. She said it's really not enough money because the woman had to carry her children for 9 months. She said she may have given her some other gifts and things after that but she can't say that she gave the woman money. Cindy said that her daughters are only 16 months old so they don't know about that yet. Her son is a little older and does know what went down.
Howard said he didn't like seeing her in the flats shoes she was wearing in the magazine. He said that no woman should be photographed in flats. Howard asked her if she's a good lay. Cindy said she's been told she is so she figures she is. She said she's good at giving blow jobs by her husband. Howard asked her what makes them so good. She said she just enjoys it. She said she will even put her tongue in a guys ass. Howard asked her what that tastes like. She said that her husband has to shower first so it doesn't taste like anything. Howard has never had that because he's afraid of a woman catching a whiff down there.
Howard asked Cindy how she keeps things fresh with her husband. She said that going to hotels is one way to keep things fresh. Artie asked her if she would give her husband a blumpkin, which is oral on the toilet while he's taking a shit. She wouldn't do that.
Cindy said she hasn't taken a crap in about a week because she eats so little. Howard said that's what Beth is like as well. She said she goes for colonics and that seems to have cleaned her out very well. She thought she had stuff stuck inside of her since she was a little kid so she had her system flushed out. She had a guy doing the procedure so she was very embarrassed by that.
Howard gave Cindy some plugs for her upcoming appearances. You can find out more at Myspace.com/CindyMargolis. Howard asked her about anal sex after that. She said that she has tried it and done it about 10 times. The first time was the worst and after that it's not so bad.
Cindy was also talking about how her husband shaves down by his ass so she doesn't run into any hair or anything there. She said she was going to get into so much trouble for talking about this stuff. Howard said he feels like he has hair in his hole down there and wanted to know what she feels when she sticks her tongue in there. She didn't want to go there though.
Howard said he once stuck an electric razor in his ass to cut the hair and a lot came out. Artie said he's never shaved his balls because he's afraid of cutting himself. Howard said he wouldn't mind having a little vibration near his ass but not in it. Artie said he once had a woman stick a pinkie up his ass and it felt alright in the beginning but then it was kind of startling.
Cindy said that men do like it when something goes up their ass. She said she doesn't like to have one up her's though. She said the nails can be kind of uncomfortable so that's why she doesn't like it.
Cindy said that her husband had told her that she can be with another woman but she wouldn't want him to be there if she did it. She said she has thought about doing it on many occasions and she might do it someday. Howard said he would be really jealous if his girlfriend did that.
Cindy mentioned that her husband had dated Angie Everhart so Howard let her know that he had sex with Angie and Angie said that he was the best lover she ever had. Cindy asked Howard how Angie was in bed. Howard said that his current girlfriend is the greatest but Angie was ''quite good.'' Howard offered to do Cindy in bed and that way she'd know what he's like.
Howard asked Cindy about the photo shoot she did for Playboy and how that went. She said that on the first day it was kind of embarrassing but she soon loosened up and let anyone come in to see her. Howard gave her a couple more plugs and then took some phone calls.
Bong Hit Eric called in and asked Cindy of she swallows the goo. She said ''of course I do'' and Howard added that she's a good girl for doing that. Howard tried to take another phone call but the guy wasn't there. He told Cindy that one of the most requested TV shows is the one where Cindy and her friend Alissa were on and gave each other wet t-shirts.
Cindy said that the woman was her husband best friend's girlfriend but he cheated on her and she stopped being friends with her. Howard said that they tried getting that woman back on the show but it just never happened.
Ralph called in and said that what women should learn from all of this is that it's not a prize they have and they should sleep around more. Howard asked her if she wishes that she could be with another man. She said that happens all the time even though she's happily married. She said that happens to her every day. She said that it's great when a hot guy in his 20s comes up to her and hits on her. Howard told her she could probably find some guys who would bang her and not tell her husband. She wondered what guy would do that and everyone in the studio said ''I would!'' at the same time.
Howard wondered if Cindy would ever sleep with another man before she's dead. She said she hopes that will happen at least once. She claims that her husband told her that she can bring a new boyfriend to his funeral. Howard told Cindy that he could see her ''beef'' when she moved right on the couch. She said everyone can see it in Playboy if they want to.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who said he shaves his balls and what he does is lather up with conditioner and then shaves them down. He said he goes against the grain and it comes right off. Another caller asked Cindy if she saw the Kirstie Alley thing on Oprah. She didn't see it so Howard told her about what he saw. He guessed that she's about 170 pounds even though she claims to be 140. He said she needs to lose a lot more weight.
Howard wrapped up with Cindy and said that he doesn't think that her layout is airbrushed at all. She thanked him for that. He went to break a short time later.
Cindy wasn't able to mention a couple of web sites so I was asked to plug a couple of sites she was going to mention... LogoHippo.com and TropicalPoker.com
Cindy told Howard she wanted to look like she did in her layout so she tanned up. She wiped some of it off for them to show how it was transferred to the panties. Artie joked that he was going to have to change the title of his blog from ''Margolis shits pants'' to something else.
Sal came in and asked if he could smell the panties. Howard told him to go ahead and do that. He took a whiff and said that it smelled like flowers and a ''little bit of must.'' Sal said it smelled kind of like his grandmother's toilet seat. Sal took the panties and put them on his face like a medical mask. Gary said that Cindy had to get going so he had to drag her out of there.
Artie said that Cabbie borrowed some money from him and he tried to pay him back. He said it's breaking his heart that Cabbie is going through all of this stuff and he might let him borrow money again. Cabbie said his agent told him that FreeFM offered him a deal before he went into jail and when he got out they didn't have anything for him. Now he's going to have a weekly show on Faction 28 on SIRIUS.
Howard said he hopes that Cabbie does okay there and he knows that he will mix things up when he's hanging around there. Cabbie said they're going to start him out on Saturday nights and maybe work him in to a daily thing there. Cabbie said he got ratings and advertising dollars when he was on K-Rock but that stuff doesn't matter on satell