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Howard mentioned that they're coming up on their 20 year anniversary there at WXRK this November. He changed subjects right after mentioning that and talked about going to the dentist over the weekend and getting a tooth pulled. He was in a bad mood the rest of the weekend because he was sore. He didn't want to drink over the weekend because he was feeling so sore. Artie sounded surprised and basically said that stuff like that has never stopped him from drinking. Howard said he went to a cocktail party on Sunday night and things worked out well because it started early and they had plenty of food there. He didn't even have to go out to eat after the cocktail party. He said he didn't want to sit on the couch at this apartment he was at because he didn't want to get their furniture dirty. Howard ran into Donny Osmond at the party and had a nice conversation with him. He said that the guy was really cool and he wasn't mad at them like they thought he was. Donny said he'd even like to come back on the show sometime. Howard thought Donny was upset about some of the questions he asked him the last time he was on. Donny is appearing on QVC today trying to sell an album. Howard said that he sells albums over in Europe but he doesn't have as much luck over here so he has to push them on QVC.
Howard talked about Ronnie the Limo Driver not being there today because he was out with a kidney stone problem. The pain was so bad that Ronnie's dog was over him crying over the weekend. That led to Howard talking about a 60 Minutes report that was on last night featuring dogs that can sniff out cancer. Howard said his dog is good at sniffing out Athlete's foot and he's able to sniff out breast cancer himself. Howard saw the movie ''Elektra'' over the weekend and it was pretty good. He loves that superhero stuff so he'll go to see it. Jennifer Garner looked pretty hot in the movie according to Howard. He said he'd love to have a superpower like being able to sniff out cancer but he's got nothing.
Howard took a phone call from a guy who said that they were already hitting the delay on him today. Howard said that they probably hit the button when he said ''they sniff your pee'' when he was talking about the dogs. Tom Chiusano came in and said that they didn't hit the button there, maybe it was the local station down in Washington DC. Howard ended up asking Tom about why he didn't call him back over the weekend when he asked him to call. Howard told Tom that he left a message on his cell phone and never heard back. Tom said he never got that message and Howard said he's had a lot of that lately. His assistant told him the same thing. Howard thought it was about that questionnaire that they want everyone to sign there at the company. He refuses to sign it himself and other people there at the company are wondering what to do. Artie told him that he should get a signing bonus for that thing. Howard is wondering if the company is going to celebrate the fact that he's been there for 20 years. Tom said he'll make sure that he gets the same thing he got, ''a pat on the back.'' Tom said he'll try to do something for him in November but Howard doesn't think that they'll make it that far.
Tom told Robin that they sent out their Christmas party memo and the party is set for January 20th. That's right, their Christmas party is on January 20th. Artie told him that he can't make it because he has a Super Bowl party to go to. Howard goofed around with Tom over that whole thing for a couple of minutes. Tom told Howard that he saw Robin out the other day having lunch with one of her new TV show guys. He sent over a desert to the table but he didn't actually pay for it, the restaurant sent it over free. Robin said she was having lunch with John Wilder who is in charge of affiliate sales or something like that. She said they're out there pitching her show and getting people ready for the new program.
A listener called in claiming to be from Burger King saying that their Christmas party reservations were all set. Another caller told Howard that he got his ''Eh, eee Eee'' (Sirius) for Christmas so he's all set for Howard's move. He also mentioned that Danny Sugarman died over the weekend which was news to Howard. Howard wasn't sure that was true but Danny used to be a frequent guest on the show. The caller also mentioned that the retarded Kennedy, Rosemary, died over the weekend. Howard spent a couple of minutes talking about that and how the Kennedy's tried to keep her from saying sexual stuff by giving her a lobotomy. Howard said that they did it to keep her quiet and all they ended up doing was turn her into a retard. The caller suggested that they play tape of Rosemary since they had some. It was actually audio of Wendy the Retard yelling about her power being out. Howard let the caller go a short time later.
Howard said that he went out to dinner with Mark Cronin from ''The Surreal Life'' on Saturday night. He said he had a nice time with him. Howard also said he ran into this guy Damon Dash the other night. Robin had to remind him that he was on the show one time. Howard ran into him at the same party that he ran into Donny Osmond at. Bruce Springsteen was there as well so Howard talked about that. He said that Bruce congratulated him on his move to Sirius. He said that Bruce was blowing him off at first so he had to say something to him. Bruce ended up talking to him for a short time and he was talking in that Bruce voice he's got. Howard said he does like some of Bruce's music even though he's had some things to say about him in the past that weren't so nice. Meryl Streep was at the party as well. Everyone was surprised after Howard mentioned all of these celebrity names. He said he wanted to go up to her and talk to her. He had once seen an interview she did with Roger Ebert and she inspired him back when he was working on his movie ''Private Parts.'' Robin wanted to know whose party this was that he was at. Howard didn't want to be like that and talk about the people who threw the party. Howard really wished that he'd been able to talk to Meryl at the party but he never had the chance.
Howard said there were a couple of other people at the party but Gary was really happy that he'd spoken to Bruce Springsteen for some reason. He said he might be gay for saying that but he really was happy about it. Robin couldn't believe that Howard didn't remember Damon Dash being on the show. Howard didn't seem that upset about it. He had to take a commercial break a short time later.
The guys were also talking about books and Artie mentioned one that a lot of comedians seem to like called ''A Confederacy of Dunces.'' Gary told howard that the book really isn't that good and he only made it through about 1/4 of it before closing it. Howard said that he got ''Catcher in the Rye'' and some other J.D. Salinger books but he wasn't able to get through all of them. He said he liked ''Catcher in the Rye'' but not the other ones. He asked for people to just write simply so he can get through them. There was one book that Gary gave him that sat around for 2 years. He said that the book, ''The Lovely Bones,'' was really good and Beth read it first and got all freaked out by it. Then they had to get that author's other book ''Lucky : A Memoir'' but Howard said he was starting to lose Beth to the book on the weekends. Weekends are when Howard likes to have sex but he was losing Beth to the book and it was freaking her out. In one part of the book the woman talks about being raped and how she can't get the taste of a man from her mouth. Howard was afraid that Beth wasn't going to get oral from Beth because of that. He said that the book is just the wrong one for Beth. It ruined all of their fun.
Howard wondered where Robin was over the weekend. She said that she was at a hospital. She's got a family member in the hospital so she gave a shout out to the people that were helping out this family member. She said that those people are working overtime and taking good care of this person. She said they were spectacular in their jobs. Howard said she has to say that because she has to make sure they continue to take good care of that person.
Howard talked about Donny Osmond a little more. He said that guy still looks like a little kid but he's got kids who are having kids and he may be a grandpa soon. Howard wondered if Donny is going to let the kids call him ''grandpa'' because he's still Donny Osmond. Howard said he looked at him like he was nuts when he was asking him about that stuff. Howard said that he doesn't want anyone calling him grandpa.
Gary brought up something that happened during a football game over the weekend. Randy Moss pretended to pull down his pants during the game and the announcers went nuts calling it a ''disgusting act'' even though the guy was just joking around. That led to the guys talking about how nuts things have gotten since last year's Super Bowl. There was a commercial that was going to run where Mickey Rooney's ass is shown for a split second but FOX has refused to air the commercial. The company, Airborne, submitted the commercial to the FCC and asked if it was okay to run it but the FCC basically said that they don't know if it's okay to run it, they'd have to try and let it run and then they'd let them know if they'd be fined. Scott the Engineer came in and said that they bleeped Judge Judy saying ''Pain in the ass'' on her show last week. It's really getting crazy as far as what they're bleeping now. Howard ended up goofing on Scott for a couple of minutes.
Howard took a call from a guy who was rambling on and on about the ''Catcher in the Rye'' book and how Howard may be very much like Holden Caulfield in the book. Howard and the guys didn't know what he was talking about but let him ramble for a short time. The caller also asked Howard and Artie if they enjoy seeing men's genitals during porn movies and stuff. Howard told the guy that he may be gay if that's what he's looking at during a porn movie. Howard told the guy he rambles a lot and then went on to tell him that he may be gay and if he is, he should embrace it. The caller said that he's not attracted to men but he does have fantasies about being with a woman and another guy. The delay was hit a couple of times during that conversation because of what they were talking about. The caller was boring Howard so he had to hang up on him. He and the guys talked about how it's possible that he could be gay but maybe he's not. Howard thinks that if the guy was in a shower with another guy, he might be up to messing around with him.
Howard had some audio tape of a conversation he had with Dominic Barbara a couple of years ago where he told Dominic that he would be divorced within 2 years. At the time Robin put some money up and said that Dominic would not be divorced within 2 years. She has lost that bet because Dominic and Leslie have separated. They aren't divorced yet so the bet isn't really over. They were talking about that back on July 29th, 2003 so they have a few more months for things to work out. Howard said he spoke to Dominic and Dominic said that he has to ''find Dominic.'' Howard said that Dominic has already found another woman and if he marries her, that marriage will probably last under 11 months. He hasn't called into the show for weeks because of this stuff. He said that both Leslie and Dominic can have him in the divorce. Howard said that he likes everyone better than Dominic but he always ends up staying his friend for some reason.
Howard brought up the Cops clips he was playing last week and replayed them this morning. They had one clip where a cop had to visit a guy who was calling 911 over and over for no reason. The guy was mumbling and rambling unintelligibly. Howard had some fun with that and then moved on to a CD he had featuring on of their staff members who went in and recorded an album when they were about 15 years old. Their parents hired some musicians and had the album produced. Howard played the CD and it was just awful music. It turned out to be Sal the Stockbroker. It was kind of a rap song but it was just horrible. Sal came in a short time later to talk about the whole thing. Sal said that he was doing this rap stuff when he was 15 years old and he sent in a tape to a guy who took an ad out in a penny saver magazine. The guy took them for $3,000 and told Sal and his family that the music was hot. The guy said that they needed $7,500 to produce the album. That was way too much so they referred him to another guy who wanted $5,000. That was too much so he went to another guy who was only charging $750. That guy just rolled his eyes and Sal ended up going back to the first guy who referred him to one more guy. This guy told Sal that he was going to pass it along to Polygram. They had a bunch of washed up musicians come in to record the album. He was going to buy a car at the time but spent the money on producing the gayest song in the history of the world, ever.
Sal said that the first guy, Tito, said that he needed a bunch of copies of his tape to shop the album around. Sal spent another $600 on duplicating the tapes and dropped them off at his office. He didn't hear anything for months. He called Tito back 3 months later and Tito asked him where the tapes were. Sal told him he dropped them off but Tito claimed he never got them. Richard Christy told Howard that Sal's rap name was ''G-man'' back then too. Richard told the guys that Sal had a whole dance with the music as well. Sal said he doesn't dance but they convinced him to dance along to his awful music. Everyone was laughing as he danced for a few seconds. Howard said it was a ''train wreck.''
Sal said he finally figured out what the guy was doing by referring him to all of these recording studios. Howard told him that they got it, he didn't have to explain it to them. Howard also found it funny that Sal's father owned a pizza place and didn't have $3,000 to give Sal to produce the album back then. Artie said he's never known a pizza place that didn't have $3,000 to throw around.
Captain Janks called in and played some tape from the Larry King Show where they got 3 prank calls in a row about Howard Stern. At the time Donny said he didn't know of Howard. Larry King was pretending that he didn't know who Howard was either.
Howard said people have been asking him what he thinks about the fact that Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt have separated. Howard said he has predicted that the relationship wouldn't last for quite a while now. He talked about how horrible Jennifer Aniston is as an actress and how she's not going to be able to bring in the kind of money she was making while she was on ''Friends.'' Howard thinks Brad woke up one day and wondered what he was doing with that ''skrank.''
Howard said he got a couple of phone calls from Crazy Cabbie over the weekend. He thought that Cabbie was in a hospital but he wasn't sure he was there after getting the calls. Robin said that they probably let him make calls from the hospital. Artie said he doesn't think they'd allow him to make many calls though.
A listener called in and brought up the play that Kathie Lee Gifford has off Broadway. That led to Howard making up his own version of the play and goofing on just how bad it must be. Howard was making up songs and singing them to some show tune music Fred had playing. Howard said he wants to go see that play to see what's in her head. He had to take a break shortly after that.
Howard asked Robin when her new TV show is coming out because he wants to see it. She said that it's not supposed to be out until Fall of this year. Howard wondered if Robin is going to leave Mr. X if her TV show becomes popular. She won't. That led to Howard and the guys talking more about Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt's relationship for a minute.
Howard said that someone wrote in and told him that they need to have Ashlee Simpson on the show to prove that she can sing. Howard played the audio of Ashlee performing at the Orange Bowl where she got booed. Howard said they're putting out the offer to Lindsay Lohan as well because her performance on Ellen Degeneres' show was horrible as well. Howard said Lindsay sounds like she had the flu the day she did that performance.
Howard read some of the other mail they've gotten about the show lately. He said all of the mail they got about the William Hung interview was positive. It just aired on E! last week. He read through some of the mail they got and everyone loved it. They liked Hung and the way Howard did the interview. There were a bunch of e-mails about Verne Troyer's interview as well but they were mostly negative. A lot of people didn't like him. Someone else wrote in and said that Ashlee Simpson sounded worse than Howard and the guys singing Karaoke in Las Vegas.
Howard read through a bunch of other e-mails he's gotten. One person wrote in and said they almost vomited when they saw a picture of Chaunce Hayden on Howard's web site. Someone else complained about Beth O's web site because there's no nudity on the site. Howard said that Beth isn't into that stuff. Another person asked Howard what he thinks about U2 getting into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame while Van Halen doesn't. Howard said he doesn't care about the hall of fame but he does think that Van Halen should be in there.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that once Robin's TV show starts, they'll have material for every radio show from then on. Another phone caller said that the tsunami was a good thing because it got rid of a bunch of muslims over there.
Double A called in with his Top 10 Girls he'd Love To Bang. Here's the list:
Howard said he hates to read stories like this one he read about a 13 year old kid who got a perfect 1600 score on an SAT test. He read the story and then played a phony phone call that Fred the Elephant Boy and High Pitch Erik made to a gay club. They had to go to commercial break right after that.
Howard read an article about Clear Channel giving Jerry Springer a radio show. Jerry claims that he's a changed man and the radio show is going to be very important to him. Howard talked about Springer for a short time and goofed on him a little bit.
Howard read a few bad jokes about the tsunami that he was e-mailed. He only read a few before bailing out on them because they were so bad. Here are a couple of them:
Howard said he's really not all that upset about a bunch of stations taking him off the air recently. He said they might as take him off in all of the markets at this point, he really doesn't care. He's making his move at the end of the year and none of that will matter then. A woman called in and told Howard she just wanted to talk about the Regis and Kelly thing but they'd already talked about it. Howard let her go but she mentioned Gilbert Gottfried before getting off the line. That led to Howard and the guys talking about Gilbert's weird behavior. Bong Hit Eric called in during that discussion and took a couple of hits off his bong while talking about Gilbert with them. Eric was telling Howard about some of the stuff he's been smoking and how they get this certain type of stuff he smokes. He said the stuff has replaced hash. That led to the guys talking about stuff they've tried in the past. Howard wondered if Eric would be able to give up smoking weed for an extended amount of time. Eric thinks that he could do it without getting too crazy. He gave it up back in 1990 for about 90 days... Two times. Howard said he has a close friend who smokes just about every day and he thinks he's not addicted, he just likes smoking the stuff. Eric said that he quit on New Year's Day but he went back to it. He doesn't think the stuff is physically addictive but he keeps going back to it.
Howard wondered how long Cabbie was going to be in rehab. Cabbie said his insurance has only approved him for a week. Howard asked him not to call his house anymore so Cabbie told him that he was going to post his number on the dry erase board. Cabbie also said that he has a new radio name instead of Cabbie. He wants to call himself ''Sirius Lee.'' Cabbie had to get going a short time later because he had to go to a group meeting with the other people in rehab.
The guys ended up goofing on Farid Suleman from Citadel for a couple of minutes after talking about Sirius. Gary told Howard that they found out that Farid isn't Indian, he may be Sherpa. That led to the guys talking about Sherpas and how they all thought that a Sherpa was just a guy who helps people climb mountains. Gary read that they are an indigenous people of Tibetan dissent who live in a certain area. Howard eventually had Robin get back to her news so they could finish up the show and get out of there. They ended the show around 10:35am.
Howard started off the show talking about this Amber Frey chick who went out with Scott Peterson. He called her ''nit wit'' and talked about her book that came out about her affair with Scott. Howard said he watched her on Oprah's show and it appeared that she didn't even read her own book because she couldn't answer questions that Oprah was asking. Oprah had to tell Amber what it said in the book. Robin said that she read that Judith Regan wrote the book for Amber. Gary came in and said that Amber looks better now than she did before the trial and it appears that she's had quite a bit of work done on her. Howard finds it vile that she's out promoting this book and taking advantage of this whole situation. Gary said that Amber thinks that she's a hero for coming out and talking about her affair with Scott. The guys talked about some of the reports they've seen on this woman. They said that they've heard that she's against the death penalty and she doesn't want Scott to be put to death. Howard and the guys were rating Amber on her looks and her body so here's how they rated her:
A listener told Howard that Amber comes off as being pretty dumb but Howard said that takes her off of his list for long term relationships. He said he'd bang her but there wouldn't be any long term with someone that dopey. He knows people would make fun of him if he dated someone like that. Howard said he's famous now but back in the day when he couldn't get hot chicks that could speak, he probably would have dated her. He said he listened closely to what Beth said when she was talking to his parents for the first time to make sure she spoke correctly.
Howard said they had a big show today and that James Brown would be coming in. He mentioned that Brown had just had prostate surgery a few weeks ago. The guys played some James Brown music which led to Howard talking about how important he was in the black community when he was growing up in Roosevelt, Long Island. Howard called himself the first ''wigger'' because he was trying to fit in back then. He took a break after talking about that for a couple of minutes.
Howard talked about how he ended up cutting his pubes too short over the weekend after making a date to have sex with Beth. He ended up cutting it too short and had too much stubble down there for Beth. He made a mess out of the area. Last night he got a copy of ''The Woodsman'' which was perhaps one of the best movies he's ever seen. He said it screwed up his sex life though because Kevin Bacon plays a pedophile in the movie. That led to the guys talking about the movie and how they must have cleaned up the movie so it wouldn't be little boys Bacon was into. Howard told the guys that the movie was real good and both Bacon and his wife Kyra Sedgewick were good in the movie. Howard said that Damon Dash, who he ran into the other night, produced ''The Woodsman.''
Robin said she went to see ''Million Dollar Baby'' and it was really depressing. She still hasn't gotten over it since seeing the movie. Howard said that after watching ''The Woodsman'' with Beth, she wasn't into having sex last night. She'd also read a couple of books (The Lovely Bones and Lucky : A Memoir) that didn't help things out either.
Howard talked about these ''Shims'' (she male) dudes that he's seen walking the streets in New York. He would like to take a bunch of them and put them on a TV show where a guy has to choose between a bunch of Shims and someone like Janet Reno, who is a real chick. Artie said that he would have to pick the real woman every time, no matter how bad she looks. Artie said that it would be easier psychologically for him to get over sleeping with a chick like Janet Reno. Sandra Bullock's name was brought up by Robin during that discussion and she seems to think that Sandra has a face kind of like a Shim. Howard wants to try out this TV show idea on his show.
Howard asked if Artie would rather do a Shim like Toula or a Nicole Bass. Artie said he'd have to take Nicole Bass. They threw in Chyna's name as well. Howard was throwing in Mother Angellica and Artie's mother as well. Artie said that he'd have to jump off the Brooklyn Bridge if he had to sleep with his mother.
Howard got back to Tom Gesimondo and talked about how he called to congratulate him last night. There are a lot of people who are leaving the company because he's going to Sirius. They might just be stroking him but that seems to be the mood around there. Tom is the guy who writes songs with Vinnie Favale so Howard played some examples of their stuff.
Tom Chiusano came in and said that it was a big surprise that Tom G. was leaving. Tom said that Tom G. doesn't want the name of the gym mentioned on the air for some reason but they'd be more than happy to give him a plug. Tom said that Tom G. Has worked out for years and he's going to be doing something he likes. Howard wondered if Tom thinks that some people are leaving the company because he's making his move to Sirius. Tom said he doesn't think that Tom G is leaving for that reason. He didn't comment on anyone else there though. Tom admitted that he does Yoga during the discussion. He said he does that to stretch out every morning. Fred was doing his impression of Tom's robotic voice talking about his Yoga moves while Tom demonstrated some of the moves he does. Howard tried to do the moves Tom did and he was able to do it no problem. One of the moves looked kind of gay to the guys. They ended up having the delay hit on them because of what they were talking about though.
Chaunce Hayden called in and told Howard that Playboy really should put Beth in their magazine. He thinks it makes sense to pay her the $2 million she's looking to get. Howard said he doesn't really want her to do that layout anyway so it's not something he wants to get her to do. Chaunce just wants to see her naked along with 16 million other Stern fans.
Tom Gesimondo called in a short time later. Howard told him that he was really surprised at this announcement. The guys were talking about how tight the guy is with the money at the company and how some people are kind of glad he's leaving. Tom G said that the company really has changed since Mel left and now that Howard is leaving, things are going to change even more. Howard said that a bunch of guys that started out with Mel Karmazin made a lot of money when he gave them stock in the company as it grew. He thinks that Tom Chiusano is worth about $15 million because of that but he's not sure that the number is right. Gary came in and said that Tom is very generous with his money. He said that Tom had enough money to pay off his house when he was sick with cancer. Howard also guessed that Tom G is worth quite a bit and probably has about $3 million. Tom G said he's not going to answer any questions about that because then it becomes and over/under game.
Tom G said that he's purchased this gym but hasn't made an official announcement there yet, that's why he doesn't want the name of the place mentioned on the air yet. He said maybe later in the week he'll take that shameless plug that they're offering him. Howard talked to Tom G for a little longer and congratulated him on his new job before letting him go. He had to take a break right after that.
Howard said that Tommi was wearing quite a bit of jewelry this morning but she said the earrings she was wearing were only $45 things that she got at the Hilton hotel a couple of weeks ago. The two of them were talking about their volatile relationship and how they get into fights once in a while. James was blaming Tommi and she told Howard that she does challenge James sometimes because she comes from a generation where they don't take any crap. Howard thought they were over as a couple not that long ago. They were ready to split and had even put an announcement in the paper about it. James said that he thinks that Tommi is a great singer and he wanted her to get her chance in the business. Tommi said that they were never apart, even when James put that ad in the appear talking about how he was ready to date.
James said that he sent Tommi to a place to get a makeover and they did some work on her ass. Tommi said she had some work done on her stomach where they removed some fat. They kept the fat and put it in her ass to give her a bigger one. She stood up and showed it to the guys and Robin started laughing when she saw how large it was. Tommi said she just had it done a few days ago and the surgeon did a great job on it. Howard asked James if he told the doctor what he was looking for when it came to his wife's ass. James said he kind of drew something out and they sketched out what he was looking for. Howard thought that was kind of cool. Tommi said that this surgery is supposed to be permanent and it came out nice and firm. James sounds pretty happy with the work.
Howard and Robin wanted to know some of the names of people that James has been with in the past. James didn't want to go there though. Howard moved on to ask James about watching porn as well. James and Tommi said that they're not into the hard core stuff, they just stick to the softer side of porn. Howard also asked James about his prostate surgery and found out that he's still able to get it up. Tommi said that the guy is a sex machine and he wears her out because he does it so much. James said that ever since she had her butt done, it doesn't take as much to get him going.
Howard moved on to give James a plug for the TV show he has coming up called ''James Brown Inside Out'' which will air on VH1. Howard asked them what they're going to see on there. James mumbled some of the things that they'll have on there. Howard said they should just follow the two of them around and capture some of the fights they have. They talked about a recent incident they had where James was arrested after he threatened to throw a chair at Tommi. James seems to think that these people just show up for no reason to arrest him. Tommi said that she invited them over but the cops didn't treat her husband very well. She said they kind of blew things out of proportion. Howard wondered what they could have been fighting about at the time. They didn't really say what it was but did say that they're still married even though their lawyer filed for an annulment shortly after the fight.
Howard wondered if Tommi would be into having another chick in bed with them. She said she's not into that and James said he's not even into that kind of thing. He likes to have just one woman at a time. Howard thought that maybe James needed something like that but Tommi said that will never happen.
Howard brought up some things from James' new book ''I Feel Good: A Memoir of a Life of Soul.'' James had some problems with the FCC in the past when he owned a few radio stations. He claims that the FCC yanked his licenses and forced him to sell the stations. They talked about a few other things in the book and about how James has been talking about colonics when he gets up on stage these days. He claims that he was able to get rid of his big belly by having colonics. They discussed that for a short time but the delay was hit a couple of times. James was talking about the stuff that was coming out of him when he'd have these colonics done on him. That stuff was the cause for the delay hits. Tommi said that James was ready to die because his stomach was so big before the colonics. They apparently worked for him.
Howard tried to figure out how much James is worth. He guessed that it was about $65 million but if he hadn't been taken advantage of by the white man, he might be worth $400 to $500 million. James said that he does own his songs so he could be worth more than $100 million if they did right by him. Howard told Tommi to keep that ass looking good because James has a lot of money. He said the earrings Tommi was wearing were probably worth $50,000. James said that kind of stuff is going to get his wife killed and he shouldn't mention what they're worth on the air. Howard gave James another plug for his new TV show ''Inside Out'' which airs this Thursday night at 10PM on VH1. He took a commercial break after that.
Howard brought up Rebecca Romijn-Stamos and how she's been dating Jerry O'Connell lately. He read that she and Jerry have moved in together and it seems a little early for that. Howard seems to think that Jerry should have gotten to know Rebecca first. Howard realizes that he's not the one to talk about that because he's got his girlfriend living with him now. Howard admits that he wasn't even divorced for 6 months before he hooked up with Beth. The guys didn't think that Jerry was a step up from John Stamos. Howard said that at best, it was a lateral move, not a step up. It could even be considered a step down. Robin thinks that, looks wise, Jerry is a step down. Jerry does have work pretty steady so maybe he's got some money. Howard said that no matter how you look at it, Jerry is a step down. Howard read a story about Jerry and how he's apparently calling an old girlfriend of his to come back to him even though he's living with Rebecca. Howard said if that's true, he's a real player.
A listener called in and told Howard that he's a long time listener but he's not going to be following him over to the new place. He also told Howard that he think she goes a little too far sometimes on the show. He asked Howard if he'd be upset if one of his daughters got into that RoboSpanker thing. Howard said he finds that kind of thing interesting but he would be kind of upset if his daughter ended up in one of those things. He'd just look at is as if he'd raised his kids the wrong way. Some women are into doing stuff like that and he likes to see it. Howard told the caller that he doesn't really care if the guy follows him over to the other place. He knows that not everyone is going to come and it's kind of sad, but he's not that upset about it. Howard said the move is going to be quite a change for everyone but he's ready for the challenge. Howard said he will be cursing over there and he will use the C-word for a woman's private parts and he will be adding a Y to the word because he finds it funny. He said he uses the word in his regular life so he's looking forward to reviving the word over there. He wants to call his station by that word as well. Artie suggested he call the station that word plus ''hits'' so it'll be kind of like ''Country Hits.'' Howard thought that was a good idea.
Howard said he really isn't worried about that caller he just had. He said eventually he will get a radio with that service installed and he will be back. Another caller told Howard he watched ''The Surreal Life'' the other night but he thought that some of the people were annoying. Howard thought the guy watched the show pretty close so he must have been into it. The guy also said that he thinks that the Chyna Doll chick looks like a guy. Howard said that's why it's fun to watch. Chyna Doll is supposed to be on the show later this week. Another caller, who sounded a little wasted or like he'd had a stroke or something. He was asking Howard about low wattage radio stations and how the FCC was shutting them down a few years ago. The caller said that he was using a low wattage radio station for some work he was doing. Howard ended up getting tired of the discussion so he cut the guy off and hung up on him.
Howard was going to replay the clip of Regis and Kelly talking about him on their show recently. He first played some tape of Regis from New Years Eve when he took over for Dick Clark. Regis sounded kind of uninterested in the whole thing. That led into the clip where Regis talked about getting a call from the doormen who was trying to call Howard who lives in the same building. Regis and Kelly joked around about Howard for a couple of minutes after that. Howard went over the story he told yesterday and rehashed the whole thing once again.
A listener called in and told Howard about getting Sirius and how about 40 people at the company will be following him over. Howard ended up giving the guy a $500 prize for the phone call. Another phone caller, claiming to be Danny Sugarman, called in coughing like crazy. He said that he was now opening mail for Satan.
Howard got back to the tape of Crazy Alice and Daniel Carver talking to each other. Howard said the call went on for about a half hour. At one point Alice starts impersonating Daniel and Gary told Howard to stick with it to hear how funny it was. Alice would not let Daniel get in a word before she started to go off on him even more. Another phone caller told Howard that he is still on up there in Rochester. He was a truck driver and heard him earlier in the morning as he was driving through. Robin thinks that they'll be dropped from other stations as the year goes on. Howard said there's no way they're going to make it through the whole year before they're taken off all of the stations. He told Gary to plan their 8 weeks of vacation sooner than later because there's no telling how long they'll be on the air.
Gary came in and told Howard that the station in Rochester is an Infinity owned station and they're still on the air up there. The board operator said that it's possible that the promotor for the comedy show didn't want to spend any money on promotion, that's what the deal was. Howard had to take another break after that so he gave up on the Crazy Alice tape, which was 9 minutes long, and went to break.
Eric asked Howard to hook him up with a job over at Sirius so Howard said that might not be a bad idea. He could give him a half hour show or something. Howard let Eric go after he took a hit for Danny Sugarman. Eric was just about choking to death from the huge hit he took. Howard let him go and took another call from a guy who said that he saw a report on CNBC that said Infinity and Clear Channel are teaming up to advertise against satellite radio. Howard doesn't believe that they're that dumb and it can't be true. The caller said that they may be trying to advertise in a way that tries to get people to remember where artists get their start. Howard said that won't work either because there are a ton of artists out there who can't get on radio because they don't fit the ''top 40 mold.'' That led to Howard talking about how big this whole satellite thing has gotten because of him making the move. While he was talking about an article he was just handed, the delay was hit multiple times. The article was about how these broadcasters are going to start advertising against satellite. Howard said that story is the biggest compliment to him ever.
Tom Chiusano came in and asked Howard to stop with the bashing of over the air radio. Howard said he's not bashing them and he's just talking about stuff that's in the news. Howard told Tom that the radio industry advertising against satellite is just accelerating the satellite industry. Howard also said that if the company had offered him that $28 million that they're going to be spending on the anti-satellite advertising, he would have stayed. Tom pointed out that Howard said it wasn't about the money last year. Howard said he lied and it was about the money.
Zolar called in and started to go off on Tom. He would hit the buttons on his phone to bleep out the curse words he was saying to Tom. He went off on Tom but Tom said that Zolar doesn't exist to him so he ignored him. Howard ended up talking to Tom about what kind of money he's worth since they had that discussion earlier in the show. Tom wasn't talking so Howard asked Tom if he's going to stay at the company when he leaves to go to satellite. Tom wasn't answering that one either. Howard said he thinks that Tom will leave within 2 months of him leaving. Howard and the guys goofed on what those anti-satellite commercials could be like before going to another commercial break.
Howard said he got the ads that he was talking about in the last segment. The ads are supposed to be promoting on the air broadcasters and coming out against satellite radio and other alternative media. In the first one Avril Lavigne talks about a bunch of things that she did before radio made her a big star. They end the commercial saying something like ''Radio, you hear it here, first.'' Alicia Keys did a similar ad. The ad campaign is costing something like $28 million. The band Hoobastank also did one so Howard played that one. Howard isn't even sure what they're talking about in the commercials and doesn't think that the commercials are going to get the job done.
A phone caller told Howard he can't believe that the idiots in radio are spending $28 million on that. Howard said that they're not idiots and tried to figure out why they're doing what they're doing. Howard said that all of the ads that were done are very similar with that ''Radio, you hear it here, first'' tag line. He moved on and had Robin start her news after that. A guy called in during the news and told Howard that they were planning that radio ad campaign before Howard made his announcement. They were even going to ask Howard to be part of the campaign. Howard had Robin finish up her news. They ended the show around 10:25am.
Howard opened up a gift that Tom Chiusano had given him for his birthday today. He said this is the complete opposite of what his birthday used to be about. These days he doesn't have a big celebration anymore and he's not making the whole day about him anymore. Gary said that he and Robin really hated doing those big birthday shows because people would never call back. Howard said that his girlfriend reminded him about the birthday today and he got dressed nice just in case they did throw him a big party. Gary told Howard that they used to get really nervous when someone like Iman wouldn't show up for the birthday show.
Howard is afraid that this is going to make him look bad if he doesn't fire him. Tom said that's true and his credibility might be lost if he doesn't follow through. Tom said that Benjy should call in sick if he's smart. Howard thought that he should have called in earlier if that was the case though. Tom found it funny that the guy who lives closest to the station can't get there on time. Gary brought up how he had to brush snow off his car and had to drive in crappy weather to get there, yet he was there on time. Howard wondered if he's being a dick if he fires Benjy. The guys told him that he's not being a dick because he warned the guy. Howard felt bad for doing this on his birthday today. He said that if Benjy is dead or something, he's not fired.
Gary said there are services that Benjy could use to get himself up every morning. He's apparently already got 3 alarm clocks but that doesn't work. Howard said he's going to suspend Benjy if he shows up today. Tom moved Howard on to the gift he got him for his birthday. It was a gift certificate for the Beacon Restaurant. Robin has been there and said it's a really nice place. Howard told Tom that he doesn't have to get him a gift but he appreciated it. Robin asked Howard how old he is today. He said he was 43 and then mumbled his real age, 51, under his breath. Howard said he feels that he's getting really old but his shrink says that he's not. The shrink is older than him though.
A listener called in and told Howard that he should probably fire Benjy this morning. He's been warned and he's been cut breaks before. Howard said that Benjy is screwing him up because it makes him look bad if he doesn't fire him. Artie felt really bad for Benjy and didn't want him to get fired but Howard said he has to do something. Even Artie has managed to show up on time for work for the past few years that he's been on the show. He said that Benjy has the greatest job because he can come in dressed however he wants every day. You can't do that in a regular job. Howard understands that you can be late once in a while but it can't happen on a regular basis like it was with Benjy. That's when he warned him about being fired.
People were calling in asking for Benjy's job already. One guy from Virginia asked for the job but he probably didn't even know what Benjy does (Benjy is a writer for the show). Hook Nose Mike was one of them and asked Howard if he ever thought that he would turn 51. Mike sounded kind of bummed out today so Howard ended up talking to him for a couple of minutes. Mike's kid has some medical problems and he's kind of worried about that. Howard ended up giving Mike a $500 cash prize to help him out with medical costs. Robin asked Howard about the age of 51 thing and if he ever thought he'd be there. Howard said he feels kind of weird about the whole thing. He said that he knows that a 51 year old woman can be really unattractive to a woman so he wonders how bad he looks to women. He said that his body has never looked better because he's been working out. He also said that he hasn't matured much in that 51 years. He said he has a lot of responsibilities now and turning 51 has been freaking him out. He told the guys that he's not even sure what to think about this stuff. Howard seems happy that he's still got his show going at this age and he works really hard at it. Artie said that it's amazing that he's still relevant at this age and still means something to young people.
Howard said that there was news in the paper today about how his show is still number one in New York City. He pulled the paper out and read the article. It didn't make a big deal about Howard being number 1. They made a really quick mention that Howard and another station got high ratings. The local news stations dropped off in their ratings and may have been out of the top 10. He wasn't sure if that was right or not though. Howard had Tom come in to fill them in on that. Robin read the story herself and saw that both WINS and WCBS had dropped out of the top 10 in ratings. Artie said that he was listening to the news on the radio this morning and decided he wanted to see what was going on out in California so he turned the TV on instead. That led to Howard and the guys talking about the mudslides out in California.
Tom came in and told Howard that the story about the news was wrong. WINS is number 8 in the overall ratings and number 3 in the mornings. He said he was busy with some Cabbie stuff yesterday so that got the guys distracted for a minute. Howard had to tell Robin that Cabbie missed his court date yesterday so now he has a warrant out for his arrest.
Howard mentioned that Penthouse Pet of the Year Martina Warren was coming in today. He said that he watched a video of hers last night and he was kind of bored with it. Gary said he liked it and it seems that their views on that kind of thing have exchanged places. He thinks that Howard would have loved that video 10 years ago and he would have hated it. Now their views have gone the opposite way. Howard had to take a break after that.
Howard stayed up late last night to watch ''The Biggest Loser'' last night and they dragged it out for 2 hours. Howard thought that there was a chick on there who looked like she could have looked good if she lost enough weight. She didn't lose it so it was kind of a bummer. Howard said they'll all probably end up gaining the weight back anyway. Howard said that the fat chick was talking about how beautiful she was but that's what her problem is. She thinks she looks hot but she doesn't. Howard said even he looks in the mirror and thinks he looks fat. He's only 188 pounds at 6'5'' tall.
Robin watched ''The Surreal Life'' the other night and thought it was pretty funny to see Verne Troyer looking at that supermodel while she was half naked on the dinner table. Howard said the show did pretty well over the weekend from what he heard.
Howard talked about Penthouse Pet Martina Warren who was going to be coming in. He described what he saw on her porn video the other night but the delay button was hit while he was talking about it. He said he was kind of bored by what he saw and thought that he needed more. That led to Howard talking about Richard Christy's porn collection and how Richard spends his weekends looking at the many gigs of porn he has on his hard drive. Richard saves and catalogs his porn on his computer so he can watch what he wants, when he wants to. Artie said that he has like 2 VHS tapes that he goes to once in a while and he doesn't have to find new stuff like Richard does. Gary said he carries his porn around in his bag. He has 3 DVDs at all times and rotates them around when new stuff comes in. Gary said he's afraid to leave that stuff at home and in the DVD because he's afraid of his kids getting a hold of it. Richard said that's the good thing about having it all on his computer. There's no paper trail for the stuff.
Richard said that he marks his favorite pictures with exclamation marks so he can find them. He said that he puts one exclamation mark for his favorite picture of a certain woman and then 2 for his second favorite and so on. Howard wondered why he doesn't just put a number there instead of exclamation points. Richard said it's easier to find them when he's using his computer with one hand. Robin found out that he's got all kinds of stuff going on with the computer at one time when he's watching this porn. Howard said that Richard comes across as being really pervy when it comes to that stuff. Richard said that he's done himself up to 7 times on a Friday night.
Gary told a story about Sal the Stockbroker and how he used to dress up in a blonde wig and pretend to be a lesbian in a lesbian chat room. Sal said that he had to do that because they wouldn't do it for him if he was a dude. Sal said there was one time that he dressed up and was doing his thing while his wife was sleeping. She woke up in the middle of it so he had to whip the wig off and wipe the lipstick off of his face. Sal changed subjects and mentioned something about Richard that got the delay hit on them. Richard denied doing whatever it was and explained how it was a friend of his that used to do something to a dog and he'd show him what he did. Sal claims that Richard would go to a slumber party and that same guy that would do the thing with the dog would pleasure himself in front of all of the other guys. Sal told another story about Richard staying over at that guy's house and while he was taking a bath, that guy came in and pleasured himself in the toilet next to him. Richard said the guy is now married and has kids. Richard thinks he's out of that phase in his life. Howard had a bunch of stuff to get to but he had to take another break before getting to it.
Howard was going to play some birthday messages he got but didn't want to play some of them before the Penthouse girls came in. He played one song that the staff put together for Howard's birthday. Gary, Artie, Fred and Robin all sang ''What a Wonderful Guy'' to the tune of ''What a Wonderful World.'' Howard seemed to think that was very nice of them to do. He said it was beautiful.
Howard took a quick break to take a phone call from his sister Ellen who wanted to wish him a happy birthday. She said that he's the best brother in the world and he's a great family guy. Ellen said that Howard is always there for her and she hopes that he lives until he's 150. Howard let her go after the quick call.
Natalia told Howard more about the rapes that she went through from the ages of 15 to 17. She said the rapes happened up in Canada. She was dating two of the guys that raped her. The other guy was someone she wasn't dating. Natalia said that one of the rapes wasn't in the normal way so it was pretty painful. She said that guy was really violent with her so she called the cops on him. Natalia said she never really told her parents about the rapes. She filled Howard in on the details about how one of the guys was drunk when he raped her. She had never seen him drunk before and he was apparently pretty violent when he was drunk. Natalia said the third time was this guy who was a friend of her boss. He invited her into his place and she made the mistake of going in. Artie told her that it wasn't her fault though. She said that the guy forced her to have sex with him after inviting her in. He put her in a cab with $200 and sent her on her way after it happened. She was crying afterward and he didn't say anything to her after that. She didn't report that guy because the cops didn't believe her on the first rape. Howard told her she was lucky he didn't kill her. Natalia said that she has gone through therapy so she might be able to have sex with a white guy again some day. She would like a cute guy so none of the guys in the studio fit that description. She said she might make an exception for Howard though.
Natalia said that she's dating this choreographer by the name of Dave Scott. Howard wondered if she starts talking black while she's hanging around that guy. Natalia said that her accent does change depending on the city that she's in. Howard read that she has seduced women as well so he got into that a little bit. Natalia said that she got her first girl at 17. Howard was checking out her tattoos while she was telling the story so he had her turn around so he could see what was on her back. The guys were impressed by her ass when she turned around. Howard said he probably couldn't handle her himself. Natalia went on to tell the story about how she seduced this other girl. She said that the guy she was dating wanted her to bring a girl into the relationship. That's when she decided to try and get this girl. She sent the boyfriend out to get booze and porn while she tried to get this girl. She was doing it for herself though. Natalia said that they ended up tickling each other and then she went in for a kiss. The other girl kissed back instead of laughing like she thought she would. The boyfriend got to watch and give them instructions while they were messing around. She said he even made them cookies after watching them. There was a problem with another girl who had a crush on her boyfriend. That didn't work out well so she was kind of upset about that. The boyfriend told her about that and she had to end the fun with that girl.
Howard gave Natalia and Martina a plug for their DVD ''Penthouse - 2005 Pet Of The Year Playoff'' and some appearances they're making in the area tomorrow where they'll be signing their Penthouse magazines. Howard took some phone calls after that. One guy said that it's probably better to be raped by white guys than to have sex with black guys at all. He said that her father would probably prefer the white guys. A caller from Syracuse was wondering what's going on with Howard's show up there. Howard told the guy he thinks that he's off the air permanently up there and they're only hurting the fans up there. Howard let a few other callers through and they were talking about how aroused they were hearing Natalia's lesbian story.
Howard got back to Martina but said that it would be hard for her to follow that lesbian story. Martina told Howard about this DVD they have out and what they did in that. The girls did some stuff together in the video so Howard asked them about that. The girls went out for some drinks the night before the shoot just to get drunk, not even to get to know each other better. The next day they went to the shoot and did their love scenes together. They talked about the scenes they did together and how much fun they had doing it. Artie said that the stories they were telling may have been the sexiest thing they've had on the show in about 2 years.
Howard read that Martina has some weird parents. Her parents live together but her father is allowed to have girlfriends. She actually walked in on her father having sex with a strange woman one time. Howard said that he has to talk to that guy to find out how he made that happen. Martina said her parents still sleep in the same bed but they don't have sex. Howard asked Martina if she ever brings chicks home to her boyfriend. She said she's not into that stuff and she keeps him to herself. She will bring girls home to do photo shoots for her web site though.
Howard took a call from a woman who said she thinks Natalia was lying about the rape stories. She didn't think she was upset or sincere about the stories. Howard said that a lot of women never report rapes and she's just not dwelling on the rapes. Jeff the Drunk called in and said he was fully aroused hearing the girls on the show. Howard cut him off pretty quick because he had to take a break. Natalia told Howard she wanted to spank him but he didn't want to let that happen. He wrapped up the segment after giving the girls another plug for their DVD and their appearance tomorrow from 5-8pm at The Romantic Depot in New Jersey.
Gary came in and told Howard that they almost lost Mr. Woods not too long ago. James told Howard and the guys about how he had some chest pains back around Thanksgiving. James said his family suggested that he go to the doctor. He had a 90 percent blockage in an artery so they had to put a stent in to get the blood flowing again. James said it's a good thing he doesn't smoke anymore. He said that the nicotine in cigarettes irritates the lining of the arteries and can cause more problems if you have any clogging going on in there. Howard told James that Danny Sugarman just died of lung cancer and James was surprised to hear that. He said he didn't want to be one of those anti-smoking activists but he's not a fan of the cigarette companies. He said they have killed more people than the Nazis did in World War II. Woods was very talkative and wouldn't stop talking so Howard kept trying to cut him off to get in a word.
Howard asked James if he's worth a lot of money since he's a pretty big star. James said he's not worth anything because he does movies that don't pay all that much money. Howard wondered why he never does a TV show or something. James said he doesn't think he could play the same character day after day. He claims that he was offered the chance to do one of the CSI series but he turned it down because he didn't want to play the same part all the time.
James told Howard that he has set up an account for him at his web site HollywoodPoker.com and they're going to be holding a Tsunami Relief Benefit tournament that all of his fans should join because they're going to match the money that they put in there. James was going on and on and Howard kept yelling out ''James! James!'' over and over again to get his attention. It was almost as if he couldn't hear Howard. Howard asked James about dating Nicolette Sheridan and wondered if he banged her. James said that he didn't bang her but Artie had seen him at a party back in about 1996. He remembered thinking that the guy was a God after seeing him walking down the street with her. James said that she had a great ass and that's an ass that should be cloned. Artie told James that he still thinks he's a god because Nicolette looked amazing back then. James said that he just saw her the other night and she still looks amazing. Howard had to wrap up with James a short time later. Woods said he'd stop in sometime when he's in New York.
Takei wished Howard luck with the new job on satellite. Robin wondered if George feels bad for the people on Boston Legal because they have to work with William Shatner. He said that people have to learn that he's not easy to work with. Takei is working on an independent film called ''Tokyo Rose: American Patriot'' that will air on TV at some point. Takei went on to explain the story in the movie and how people don't know the whole story there.
Howard told George that they took his audio book and reworked it to make him say some funny things. Howard had Fred play some of the clips for him so he could hear some of the goofy stuff. Takei asked if they tampered with the clips or if they were going to play them raw. Artie said that ''tampered'' was putting it mildly. Fred wasn't able to find the clips that Howard wanted to hear so Howard gave up on that.
Robin said that they were going to be making a $1000 donation to the tsunami relief fund to thank Mr. Takei for the call. She also said that the movie ''Elektra'' was the movie making the donation for them. Howard took some phone calls after that and let a couple of people ask some questions. One guy asked Takei what it was like to work with William Shatner. Takei said that Shatner is fascinating to watch him work but it was not pleasant to work with him. Howard let George go a short time later because he had another caller on the line to wish him a happy birthday.
Rebecca asked if Howard's dog Bianca Romijn-Stamos is keeping the Stamos. Howard told her that he's keeping the Stamos and adding ''O'Connell'' to her name. He asked Rebecca if she's going to marry this guy. She said that she's happy now but didn't say anything about marrying him. Artie knows Jerry and said that he's a good guy. He's known him for a long time and said that he's a fun guy to drink with. Howard was still saying that dating Jerry wasn't a good career move. Robin said that maybe she doesn't look at things that way though. Rebecca said that she didn't have a lot of fun while she was doing the casual dating thing and even Howard told her that he didn't have fun doing that. Rebecca said that she dated 4 or 5 guys after leaving John Stamos. Howard asked her who those guys were but she wouldn't say.
Gary came in and asked Rebecca if she ever got a call from David Spade after she left John. She said she didn't get any phone calls but did get e-mail from him. Howard and the guys laughed because they knew that David would try to get her. Howard told Rebecca to put Jerry on the phone so he could ask him about the girlfriend. Howard asked Jerry about getting Rebecca and asked him if she's the best he's ever had. He wouldn't answer directly. Howard asked Jerry about this story of him calling his ex-girlfriend trying to get her back. Jerry said that the story was embarrassing and he didn't want to go there. He swore that it never happened. Howard told Jerry that he can probably get Rebecca to get another girl in bed with him if he wants. Jerry said that's not his bag. Howard asked him how he met Rebecca. Jerry said that he met her years ago at a party and then ran into her again at another party after she left Stamos. Jerry claims that he wasn't in a relationship when he met Rebecca.
Howard asked Jerry if Rebecca is a 10 in bed. Jerry jokingly said that they're waiting for marriage for that. He said he'd hope that they'd get married some day. Howard tried to get some more out of him about that but Jerry put Rebecca back on the line so Howard could bug her about that stuff. Howard asked Rebecca if Jerry is better in bed than John Stamos was. She also joked that they were holding off on that until marriage. Howard figured that she had sex with him the first night she was with him but she swore that she didn't. Rebecca told Howard that she can't wait to see him again and when she's in New York again, she'll see him. Howard thought that she was ignoring him or something. Rebecca says that she and Jerry aren't even near marriage yet so he should stop asking about it. Howard told her that she didn't make for a good wife so she shouldn't get married again. He tried to explain that she's just not ready to be subservient to a man and she should probably wait another 10 years or so before doing it. Howard said he wants to see Rebecca and Jerry together to see just how well they get along. Howard let her go a short time later.
Howard spent a few more minutes talking about how beautiful Rebecca is and how he probably couldn't handle her because she'd be such a handful. He said he's spent time around her and she's just a whirlwind when she's there. He said he probably wouldn't last a second with her sexually. He figures that he'd be curled up in a corner while Rebecca laughed at him for finishing after a second. Howard had to take another break before getting to Robin's news.
Howard told a story about how Al Goldstein used to invite Gilbert over to his home when he had money. Now that Al is bankrupt some of his celebrity friends are giving him money. Howard heard that Gilbert sent the guy $20. Gilbert said the funny thing is that he didn't send any money. Howard wondered if Gilbert ever gives money to charity at all. Gilbert said he never does give his money to anyone.
Howard's father Ben was on the phone to wish him a happy birthday. Ben said that the day Howard was born it was snowing out. That led to them talking about how long Ben sat and waited for his son to be born. Howard heard that when his father came in the room he opened a window and yelled out that he'd just had a son. Howard said that his mother wanted to name him Harvey back then but his father put his foot down and suggested that they name him Howard. Howard's mother Ray wanted to wish Howard a happy birthday so Ben yelled for her to come to the phone. She got on a short time later and wished him a happy birthday. Ray said that she remembered the day Howard was born but he thought that she told him that she was drugged up that day and couldn't remember it. Ray said she did a good job with Howard but Howard said that she didn't breast feed him. Howard said she had a lot in there to feed him too. He figured she was either a D or a DD cup. He asked her what size she was but she didn't want to answer him. Howard also asked his mother what she thought about the size of his penis when he was born. He wondered if she thought she'd given birth to a baby girl. Ray said that she didn't call to talk about his penis, she called to talk about his birthday. Howard couldn't get off the sex stuff though. He asked his mother to talk about the night he was conceived. She didn't want to go ther either but she did talk about how they did it. Howard ended up telling his mother how he and Alison did it mostly doggy style to conceive their kids. Howard said he can't picture his mother in any position other than the missionary position. Ray said she couldn't remember if she tried any other positions. Howard wondered if it took a long time to make it happen but Ray didn't want to talk about that stuff so he let her off the hook. Howard told his mother that he loves her and she said she feels the same way.
Howard said he would like to know how he was conceived and if it was difficult. That led to Gilbert doing his Dracula Gottfried voice as he was pretending to be Ben Stern. He said something that led to the delay button being hit. He had the guys cracking up as he was using racial slurs and stuff like that. Howard cut him off after he said something else that got the delay hit.
Kyra Sedgwick was on the phone to wish Howard a happy birthday. Howard told the guys how good ''The Woodsman'' was since Kyra was in the movie with her husband Kevin Bacon. She shows her boobs in the movie from what Howard said. He said that her body looked pretty good in the movie and Beth thought she looked good so Howard wondered if he could get her into bed with Beth. Howard told Kyra that the movie really was great and he's been helping to promote it on his show because he liked it so much. Howard let her go after a couple of minutes.
Howard had a message that Beth recorded for him to play. He played the clip where she talked about how great a guy he is. She said that he's amazing in bed and pointed out that they're 19 years apart in age. Howard said that they could bleep that part out.
Howard gave Gilbert a plug for the movie Aladdin since he does a voice in it. He wondered why he was doing that because he doesn't get any residuals from it. Gilbert wasn't even sure why he was doing it and said that could be the last plug of the morning.
Gary told Howard that Kelly Ripa wanted to call in but she wasn't able to work things out to get on the air. He also said that she and her husband have offered to fly Howard down to the Trump wedding in the private jet they're taking down there. Howard said he would go but it's his daughter's birthday that weekend. He said he'd love to be in a private jet with Kelly Ripa for two hours. He really would like to go but he's got his daughter's birthday. He can't change those plans because he has his daughter for the whole weekend. He started to think about bringing his daughter with him but that would kind of ruin the best part of being on the plane with Kelly. Howard had Robin start her news after that.
Double A wanted to present Howard with a birthday gift but Howard wasn't that into it. Double A had been sitting around all morning though so Howard let him come in. Gilbert ended up goofing on Double A's voice the whole time he was in there. Double A had gotten Howard some Now and Later candy and some Kettle One vodka. He also gave him a clock that says Howard Stern and King of All Media on it with a picture of him and Beth O on it. Howard said he'd never buy something like that for himself. Howard thanked him for the gifts, they were very thoughtful.
Gilbert told Howard that he got stuck in the dressing room bathroom at The Tonight Show recently. He said he had to smash open the door with a trash can because he couldn't get out. He was pounding on the door and wasn't able to get anyone to help. He said he smashed a hole through the door big enough to crawl through to get out. Howard cut him off during the story and had Robin get back to her news since Gilbert was rambling. Howard did mention that Gilbert will be appearing at Caroline's on Broadway tomorrow night for those of you who would like to see him live.
Tom Chiusano came in around 10:55 with a cake for Howard. Everyone sang ''Happy Birthday'' to Howard after that. Howard even sang along to the song and sang happy birthday to himself. Tom told Howard that they got a Fudgie the Whale Carvel cake for Howard and in honor of Fred. Howard thanked everyone for the cake and told everyone he loves them. Gary said that this is his last Birthday at K-Rock, he'll be moving to a new place next year. Howard wrapped up the show after that and ended the show right around 11:00am.
Howard started off the show talking about his big birthday show yesterday. After the show he went out to dinner with two of his kids to Ben's Deli where he ended up getting a free meal. That was about it for his birthday celebration though. Howard said he got home and had to go to bed because he was so tired. He got some gifts that he ended up getting mad at because he was in such a bad mood. Howard told the guys about the gift that Vinnie and Debbie Favale gave him. It was a big grill that's supposed to be better than a George Foreman grill but it's too big. He said he's very grateful for the gift because he knows that people will complain about him bitching about the stuff he gets.
Dan the Song Parody Man has been working for the show and he's into motorcycles so Howard talked about him for a minute. Artie told Howard about all of the tattoos the guy has and how intense they are. Dan came in and said that he's been into bikes for a long time. Howard said that Dan gave him a knife as a gift and it's pretty scary. He said he took it home and wondered if he should have thrown it out. Dan told Howard he could use it just for opening boxes if he wanted. Dan likes having something like that when he's working on his bikes because it's a one handed thing. Howard said it even came with a thing that allows you to strap it to your ankle if you want. He's keeping the knife and he may just strap it to his leg. He joked that Richard Christy bought him a bazooka. Artie welcomed Dan to the wonderful world of giving Howard gifts. Dan told the guys that he likes the craftsmanship that goes into making those knives. He told the guys about some other knives that he's seen that are pretty unique in the way they work. Howard asked Dan how much a knife like that cost him. Dan said it was in the range of $200. Dan also told Howard that the knife is only serrated toward the inside of the knife so if you want to saw bone, you have to stick it all the way in first. He said that the knife comes in handy for home defense. Howard told Dan that he'll try to get into the whole knife thing now that he's gotten that knife.
Howard talked about how into birthday's women are. Beth told him that they were going to go out on Saturday to celebrate his birthday. Howard was hoping that she'd be wrapped up in lingerie when he got home last night but she had to run out and get Tampax instead. He thought she was kidding and couldn't believe it. He was tired anyway so he just made some phone calls and answered some e-mail instead.
Vinnie Favale called in to defend his grill. He told Howard that the grill, a Gridler, is hard to come by and he's going to love it when he uses it. He could use it at his other house if he wanted to. Howard told him he liked it and he was fine with the grill. Vinnie said that he thought Howard didn't like the George Foreman grill but it was just the rotisserie grill that he didn't like. Howard said he thinks the Gridler helped build Vinnie's body. He let him go a short time later.
Artie told Howard that he's going to get something for him that's really simple. Howard said he really doesn't want anything though. Artie said that the letter opener that Robin got him for Christmas is prominently displayed in Howard's apartment. Howard said he uses it for opening things all the time and finds himself opening stuff that he doesn't even have to open. Howard has heard from some people about how he's ungrateful when it comes to the gifts that he gets and how he tries to stop people from giving him gifts. He says he's just trying to save people some money.
Artie told Howard that one time he found out that his girl was on her period while they were having sex at a hotel. He said they had to throw out a bunch of stuff to cover up the evidence. Robin said that she and Mr. X have done something like that and didn't know it was that time of month. She had something similar to what Artie did. Howard said he dated a girl one time who was on her period and he went down there and ended up with a beard and a moustache from it. Artie said he knows a pretty famous guy who was with a famous model who was doing coke with him and they ended up like Howard with blood on his face but the guy thought it was the coke that made him bleed. Artie said the guy went to the hospital but they told him he was fine.
Gary came in and said that Jimmy used to work with this guy Farid Suleman who has been dicking around with Howard's show lately. Howard ended up talking about Farid and how he's going through a divorce right now so he can't wait to see him going through that, giving up half of his money. Howard did an impression of Farid and goofed on him a little bit. He thinks that Dominic Barbara is representing Farid's wife in the divorce so it doesn't look good for him. Howard said he hopes that she cleans Farid out in the divorce. He knows that divorce is rough and giving up half is tough to do. Artie said it can't be that bad, it seems like everyone is getting one these days.
Howard played some reports where his name was mentioned. He got a mention on CNBC's Shoutbox and Entertainment Tonight. They mentioned that Howard was 51 and Howard gave a painful ''Ouch'' when he heard that. CNBC's Morning Call also did a quick birthday mention for him where they mentioned his age. Howard let out another ''ouch'' when he heard that. They also made it sound like Howard is talking about his move to Sirius all the time. Howard said he doesn't talk about it all the time, he doesn't get that.
Howard pointed out that Les Moonves is battling with this guy Tom Freston to take over Viacom eventually. Howard said that Tom made a good move by going out and hiring Brad Grey to work for the company running Paramount Pictures. Howard said that Grey is a very successful guy out in Hollywood and he's not going to have to answer to any of these loony stars out there now. Grey knows what he's doing and has a lot of relationships with people out there. Howard said that he thinks Tom Freston is going to get the nod to take over Viacom because he was able to get Brad Grey to come on board with the company. Howard compared that good move to Les Moonves' bad move of firing those CBS news employees over the President Bush thing.
Robin asked Howard where Benjy was today. He was in the studio today but Howard didn't want to talk about it on the air. He said that he's going to talk about it off the air because it's a very serious thing to him. He didn't say where Benjy was yesterday or if he was going to do anything about him not showing up to work on time yesterday.
Howard brought up his old friend Lloyd Braun who used to be his lawyer. Lloyd worked for ABC for a short time and managed to turn the company around before he was fired. Howard said that the guy worked his ass off over there and he didn't kiss a lot of corporate ass while he was there. He was the guy who okayed ABC's new show ''Lost'' while he was there even though he met with a lot of opposition. He also okayed ''Desperate Housewives'' which is another hit show over there. Lloyd was fired right before the new season started and now they're doing amazing in the ratings. Lloyd is now working over at Yahoo.com but he claims that people in the industry know that he got the job done while he was at ABC. Howard spent a little more time talking about the Brad Grey hiring and how that was a really good move for his company.
Howard talked about how he wasn't able to play a song called ''NAMBLA Man'' on his show yesterday because Tom wouldn't let them. He also said that he got bleeped for asking James Brown a question about selling the stuff he produces after a colonic on eBay. He said that his company is just bowing to the religious right when they should be fighting them. Howard had to take another break after that.
Howard said there's a radio station in Washington DC that was pretty well known down there as a rock station. Yesterday they switched formats from rock to Spanish and caught everyone off guard. Howard said that Latin stations used to be a joke and no one could sell advertising on them but now they've changed for some reason. Howard played tape of the moment the station changed formats. They went from playing an oddball rock song right into a Spanish introduction for another song. Howard brought up a story about a station he was working at that did something similar and kept the format change quiet right up until they actually did it. Howard said they switched over to a country format from a rock format and surprised all of the employees. Howard stayed on for a short time while they paid him the same salary.
Howard had a few more tapes from yesterday's Birthday show. He replayed the song that Gary, Artie, Robin and Fred all did for him called ''What a Wonderful Guy.'' Howard said he was very moved by that song when he heard it. There was also a message from his girlfriend Beth who told him that she got all choked up while she was making it. She told him that she was actually crying while she made it. Howard said he told her that she didn't have to mention that they were 19 years apart in age during that tape. Later in the day Howard got a voice mail message from Ralph who did a parody of Beth's tape where he talked about how great his relationship has been for the past 14 years. Howard said he was so out of it when he was listening to the message that he didn't know it was a goof on Beth's.
Howard had some out takes from when his parents recorded their Christmas show stuff for them. He played the final tape that made it to the air and then played some of the out takes from the recording session. Howard pointed out that his mother ended up getting as irritated by Fred as he does. His mother went off on Fred saying that it doesn't matter that they were on or off key during their singing performance. Fred said that they eventually wanted to do it another five times after he asked them to record just one section again. Howard said that Fred is kind of annoying when it comes to that stuff. Howard replayed the Verne Troyer audio and goofed on that a little bit. He said it sounded kind of like a dolphin.
A listener called in and told Howard about an article he read in the paper about Crazy Cabbie bolting from the rehab program he was in. Howard said he didn't hear anything like that and thought that he was still in rehab. Tom Chiusano came in and said that as of 5 o'clock yesterday afternoon, Cabbie was still in the hospital and has not ''bolted'' like the caller thought he had.
Howard read an article about Dominic Barbara where Cindy Adams complained about Dominic and his wife contacting her to get her to write stuff about their relationship. Cindy basically said that she was tired of hearing from them and that no one really cares about their relationship.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he was really freaked out by that WHFS station format change yesterday. He said he was flipping through his stations and came across that ''Spanish crap'' and couldn't believe that they made the change. Howard had to cut the guy off because he was boring him. He told him he had a breaking news bulletin but he just said that to get him off the line. Howard ended up playing the Verne Troyer audio and a Birthday wish from Yucko the Clown who sang his own special version of a birthday song where he goofed on Howard being a Jew for a short time. There was also a tape from David Lee Roth (Billy Mira) where he sang a birthday song but sang about David Lee instead of Howard.
Howard said that Julie was on ''Growing Pains'' back in the mid 1980's when she appeared in Playboy. She was fired from the show after that. Howard gave her a plug for an appearance she's making in Atlantic City, at the Trump Marina Saturday night from 7-9, this weekend. She's doing that to promote this online casino for EmpirePoker.com. Howard said he's not into all of this online stuff. He does a little shopping on amazon.com but that's about it. He can't see playing poker online because he'd probably go broke. That led to Howard talking about how Scott DePace from E! plays Halo 2 online with kids, and Scott is 35 years old. Howard said that Scott ends up getting into fights with some of the kids that play online because you can talk to them over a headset. Gary explained to Howard what went on one day when Scott was playing with a team of guys. He ended up beating up his teammate online because the kid was yelling at him. Julie told Scott that she plays a character in a new Playboy game that's coming out soon and he might like to play that. She said you can talk to her in the game and even kiss her animated character. Scott the Engineer came in and said that Scott bugs him to play online with him. He said that it was kind of creepy to him because Scott was going around shooting people and yelling out ''Yee Hawww.''
Howard took a call from a guy who was singing the ''Growing Pains'' theme song for them. Howard hung up on him and asked Julie about working on that show. Julie got hired to be Kirk Cameron's girlfriend on the show. Kirk ended up turning into a Jesus freak and he refused to do scenes where he kissed girls and stuff and he wanted people to be fired if they cursed on the set. Howard said that was fine but when Kirk found out that Julie had posed in Playboy he freaked out. Julie said that he knew that ahead of time but it must have gotten to him eventually. She said that Kirk ended up calling the producers ''pornographers'' at some point because of it. The day she was written off the show, Kirk signed on to do two more years. Julie said they signed her off abruptly but brought her back to try and fix their mistake. She came back for a quick cameo but that was it. Julie said that the girl who replaced her ended up being Kirk's real life wife.
Julie told Howard that she dated Slim Jim Phantom from the Stray Cats for a few years at one point. She told Howard that she wanted to get married but Jim didn't ask her at the right time, he asked her a year after they broke up. Julie said that she ended up dating someone else and married him. That guy apparently cheated on her so they got divorced. Howard said that's the problem with women, they have a great guy and they end up pushing them and blowing it. Julie said she has a boyfriend now who is a really good guy. Howard read about some of the guys that Julie has dated. She went out with Don Henley so Howard wondered if he smelled bad or something. She said that he was a good guy but didn't want her in the entertainment business. Howard read that she dated George Clooney but she never slept with him. Julie told Howard that they only kissed. Julie dated Jason Biggs from ''American Pie'' for two dates. She told Howard that her first date was at his house and she saw a picture from the TV show ''Drexels Class'' that she was in. She didn't know that Jason was on the show when he was only 13 years old. It weirded her out. Howard asked her if she had sex with him but she didn't want to say. She said that he was a hot guy and he made her laugh.
Julie said she saw Howard at the Playboy manson one time and he didn't say anything to anyone while he was there. Howard said that's the way he is off the air. Howard asked Julie if Hugh Hefner ever hit on her. She said that he left her alone and must have thought of her as a little sister or something.
Chaunce Hayden called in and said that Alan Thicke has done some interviews where he's eluded to the fact that he was messing around with Julie. Julie said that Alan has said that about another woman, Christy Swanson, not her. Howard figured that Chaunce just had his facts wrong and told him to go back and check them again. He took some more phone calls and ended up giving a guy a prize after he said he had pleasured himself to Julie.
Howard was at the Playboy Mansion one time when Hef was holding a movie night and nothing was going on there. Everything was about Hef and he wasn't into it. He did like the party they had at the manson when they did the show from there one time. Zolar called in and told Julie that he's spanked it to her pictures a lot in the past and Kleenex should give her stock in the company because of that. Zolar also asked if she would date one of Howard's listeners. Julie said that won't happen but he can make out with her in the Playboy video game that's coming out. Zolar sarcastically said ''That sounds like fun.... NOT!'' and called her a stupid bitch but bleeped out the ''bitch'' by hitting a button on his phone. Howard wrapped up the interview after that and went to commercial break.
Howard read some e-mail after that. There were some people who liked Gilbert Gottfried on the show yesterday. There were people who enjoyed hearing George Takei when he called the show yesterday. There were some people who hated Gilbert Gottfried on the show yesterday. Howard said he thought that Gilbert was great on the show and doesn't get it when people get so pissed at him being on. Howard got some laughs from Gilbert doing his impressions and stuff during the news.
Natassia said that she's not dating anyone right now and she doesn't like to date famous people. She told Howard a story about how Mark Wahlberg asked her out via the owner of a restaurant she was at. She got his number but flushed it down the toilet because she wasn't impressed. Howard said that he would be embarrassed to do something like that.
Natassia told Howard about her childhood and how she got addicted to junk food to rebel against her mother. She told Howard that she was also kicked out of school one time because they thought she was some kind of cult leader. Howard asked her about some of the other things she's read about her. She says that she's attracted to guys who are into quantum physics because she knows about that stuff. Howard wanted to ask her a question about that to see if she really knows about it. He asked her a question about energy and in what form it travels. She didn't know the answer. Howard wanted to get Natassia to play a game for some money but she said she doesn't need it. She didn't want to let Howard wet down her t-shirt if she got the questions wrong though.
Sal the Stockbroker came in and tried to convince Natassia to get sprayed. Howard almost had her until they demanded that she either take her bra off and keep her black t-shirt on or, put on a white t-shirt and leave her bra on. She backed out after those demands. Howard asked her if she has natural breasts since he couldn't tell just by looking at her. She said they are natural and couldn't believe that he couldn't tell. Howard read that Natassia believes that the government talks to Aliens. Natassia said she believes that there are things out there that people just don't understand. She also thinks that ''aliens'' is a funny name for something that we don't know that much about.
Howard found out that Natassia is dating an aspiring producer but he works in a pizza place right now. It turns out that he runs a pizza place called Heaven's Bistro and the pizza is going to be available at Trader Joe's soon. She told Howard the relationship wasn't what he was thinking. Howard wondered if she runs around in mini-skirts and stuff like that. She said she hates her legs so she doesn't do that. She is appearing on the cover of Stuff Magazine though.
Howard asked Natassia about the movie ''Elektra'' and how the premiere went. She said that Jennifer Garner is over her illness and was able to show up to the premiere. There were some other people there that she quickly mentioned. Howard said Natassia seems like a cool chick but he doesn't get the Alien stuff. Howard said that if there were Aliens out there, someone would have seen them by now. Natassia said that she has seen things, that she won't talk about, and Howard doesn't know what he's talking about. Howard wanted to know what she's seen so he demanded to know what she saw. Natassia said that she's seen a ghost down in the Philippines. She claims that she freaked out when she saw it so Howard figured she must have been on drugs or something. She said she wasn't. Howard cut her off and said that it was a conversation they should save for another time.
Natassia told Howard that she's shooting a new movie based on the video game ''Dead or Alive'' that will have James King and Jaime Pressly in it. Howard didn't like the sound of that and figured it would go directly to DVD. Gary came in and asked Howard how long he would actually put up with the alien talk and stuff like that if he went out with her. Howard said that he would put a few days into that because she's so good looking. If she was in a car accident, it would be another story and he wouldn't sit through that stuff. Natassia ended up talking about the ghost she saw before Howard ended the interview. She was saying that the people down there aren't afraid to talk about ghosts and that's why they can perceive the ghosts there. Howard wrapped up the interview after giving Natassia a plug for ''Elektra'' and another movie she's appearing in on the Oxygen network.
Gary told a story about a problem he had with a psychic one time. He was dating a girl at one time and she was all over him this one day, until she went in and talked to a Psychic at the San Janero Festival. She came out and acted completely different toward him. The next day she broke up with him and went back out with her old boyfriend. Gary said that he's convinced that the psychic said something to her that freaked her out.
Howard's buddy Ralph called in and said that Natassia really would drive Howard nuts if he dated her. They talked about the wacky discussions they were having about ghosts and stuff. Howard let Ralph go after a short time and had Robin start her news. During the news Howard was talking about how he keeps the weight off by not eating that much food. Artie was telling the guys about all of the crap he had eaten this morning. It would probably kill a small child if they ate as much crap as he did. Howard wrapped up the show around 10:40am.
Howard said that he's been up since one in the morning so he's really angry and edgy. He warned people not to expect a good show today because of that. He said he was out to dinner with his daughter, got home early, went to bed by 9 and then work up around one o'clock in the morning so he's been up since then. He wasn't able to go back to sleep because he's got so much on his mind. Howard snapped at Robin when she tried to calm him down saying that at least it's Friday. He said he should be okay after a little while.
Howard had a Crazy Cabbie update from Celebrity Justice. Just about every report about Cabbie mentions Howard's name so he had to straighten that out. Cabbie doesn't work on his show, he works at the same station. In the Celebrity Justice report they talked about Cabbie's failure to show up for a court appearance because he's in a hospital for substance abuse. Howard said he knows something is serious because he hasn't been getting any phone calls from him. Artie said that maybe he's respecting Howard's wishes for him not to call him. Howard said he was still calling him even after he asked him not to so that's not it. Artie said that Cabbie stopped calling him as well. Tom Chiusano came in and told Howard that Cabbie smashed his cell phone earlier this week and he's got limited access to the phone at the hospital. Tom said they did hear from Cabbie yesterday because he needs some help with insurance and stuff. He's still in the hospital. Howard said that the phone messages he did get were of Cabbie and a bunch of other people singing to him. Artie said that when you're in rehab, there are a bunch of people there who like to party os it's easy to get them to sing and or chant that anything sucks.
Howard got a couple bottles of wine from Kelly Ripa because she wasn't able to call into his show for his birthday. She wrote a nice note to him about making his move to Sirius. Howard said that some people think that he sits at home and drinks wine but he really doesn't. He has no place to keep it so he had to buy a wine cooler for his apartment to keep that kind of stuff in. Gary said that he got something similar and the cooler has dual zone cooling so he can cool white and red wine. Artie said he has a friend who taste tests wine when he goes out to eat with him but he knows that his buddy doesn't know anything about wine tasting. Howard said you have to do that because it is possible to get a bad bottle of wine. Howard said he's never said ''no'' to a bottle that he's tasted though. Gary said he has a bunch of bottles of wine sitting around his house but he doesn't know anything about it. A friend came over and told him that he had an $800 bottle of wine sitting in his collection. Gary had no idea and the wine wasn't stored on it's side like it's supposed to be. Robin told Howard about the movie ''Sideways'' and how funny it is with Paul Giamatti doing all of the funny moves that wine drinkers do. She said that she's guilty of doing that herself.
A woman called in and asked Howard if he ever played the David Spade voice mail message he was going to play earlier this week. Howard said that the way they bleep things now made the message unlistenable. He said that David curses a lot in the message and they just destroyed it by bleeping out every letter of every curse word he said. Howard is going to save that message for when he makes his move over to the new place. Howard apologized to the woman for not playing the call but he figured people would think he was nuts if he did. He had to take a break a short time later.
Howard mentioned that Marg Helgenberger and Chyna Doll were going to be dropping by as well. Artie said that they could have had Marg playing that game just a few years ago, before she was on ''CSI.'' The delay was hit for some reason so we missed part of that discussion.
Howard moved on to play the Mini-Me (Verne Troyer) audio clip from ''The Surreal Life'' show that aired on Sunday night. Howard said they got a lot of mail about that sound clip and they're getting mixed reviews. Howard said that some people love the clip but others hated it and want them to stop playing it. People were trying to figure out what he was saying as he was moaning in the clip. Someone said it sounds like he's thinking about Elroy from ''The Jetsons'' and some think he was just saying ''All right'' over and over again. Howard went on to play the porn clip they mixed with the Mini-Me clip which was even more disturbing. He also played the full clip from the show because he knew there was more of that sound during the show. In the clip they'd put some porn-like music in the background which kind of screwed it up.
Howard played a prank call that Sal the Stockbroker and Richard Christy made to an Indian woman, trying to get her to tell them what their Hindi-looking friend was trying to say. They called the woman a few times and she would hang up on them each time. Howard said he wanted them to call Sea World and tell them that they had a sick dolphin there and use that sound effect as the dolphin.
Chaunce told Howard that he has a meeting with Spike TV today about doing a reality TV show based on him. Howard said he would never watch a show like that because Chaunce is disturbing to look at. Chaunce said he never felt ugly until he started coming on Howard's show. Howard told him that he has a ''face for newspaper'' and he doesn't want to see him on TV. Chaunce says that they shot a pilot already and they loved it. Artie wondered who paid for it. Chaunce said they followed him around for a few days but he didn't get paid for that. Chaunce knows that he has no business doing that but Howard wished him luck anyway. Chaunce just wants one good thing to happen to him in his life. He's had nothing but disasters since the day he was born.
A listener called in and asked Howard about some of the stuff that Beth said in the interview she did with Chaunce. He was twisting her words around and managed to get Howard a little pissed. Sean also said that she looks pregnant in one of the pictures. That got Howard pissed enough to hang up on him. Howard said the only real revelation in the article was that Chaunce has been engaged for 10 years.
Another caller told Howard that the reason that restaurant, the Preekness Diner in Wayne, NJ, that dropped Steppin' Out, just wanted to get rid of it because Chaunce's name is associated with it. Another caller said that the reason those teachers were offended was probably because it's got 20 pages of massage parlors in it. That led to Howard talking about the ads they've been taking on their radio station lately. They used to say ''no'' to escort services and stuff but now they'll take just about anything. Howard had Tom come in to explain why they're taking ads like that now. Gary told Howard that there's a sponsor that may be coming on board that is an escort service. He checked out their web site and found an escort that charges $1,300 an hour. Gary also told a story about how Tom turned down Spice TV at one time because of their content. Tom has apparently changed over the years. Tom said that the business climate has changed and that's why they're taking ads like that now. Tom told Howard that the escort service is a legitimate one... and chuckled after he said that. Artie jokingly said that he wanted to welcome Andre's House of Crack to their sponsor list as well. Gary said that they would even turn down Playboy ads in the past. Howard had to take another break shortly after that.
Howard had three women there who wanted to win breast implants. The only way they could win them is to be great at Strap-On Baseball which is their new game. Howard said hello to Christine, Sylvia and Morgan who were ready to play the game. Morgan was there just a few weeks ago trying out for the High Pitch Erik game. She says that she's only an A-cup but Howard thought they were bigger than that. She wants to move up to a C-cup.
The delay hits started early. Howard was describing what the girls were going to wear and the button was hit. Howard wanted to see Morgan's breasts before letting her play. She hesitated for a short time but eventually showed them. Howard didn't think they were that small and thought that she shouldn't even be in the game. She said if she loses 10 pounds she'd have just about nothing.
Howard spoke to Sylvia about why she wants to get implants. Howard said she had a great body and face and her boobs didn't look that bad. Gary thought that she could use them though. She's only 22 years old and she does some modeling. Sylvia said that she fits into B-cup bras but she's pretty sure that she's an A-cup. Howard asked to see her breasts but she also hesitated. She whipped them out and Howard told her that there was nothing wrong with them and she doesn't need implants. He told her he'd give her $500 to just go home. She turned it down. Howard quickly mentioned that Dr. Sal Calabro would be giving the winner free implants.
Howard talked to Christine about her enjoyment of S&M for a short time. He said that it looked like she didn't need implants either so she explained how she used to have nothing on her chest and had some implants done years ago. She has sharp pains in her chest and needs to get them done correctly. She has a scar and she'd like to try and get that fixed. Dr. Calabro was on the phone and he said that he may not be able to help her out. Once the damage is done, it's done. The delay button was being hit over and over and over again during that discussion. They're not even allowed to say ''nipple'' on the air anymore because of this FCC crap. Howard said that it's ridiculous that they can't say that on the air but those are the rules these days.
Howard moved on to the new game, Strap-On Baseball and had Morgan go first. She was wearing a blue bikini according to Howard. Artie was going to pitch a large whiffle ball to each girl, five times. They had to swing the strap-on using their hips. They would get points depending on how far they hit the balls. Artie threw his first pitch, Morgan missed. Artie pitched a few more times and Morgan missed all of them. She didn't know what went wrong. Gary said that she choked under pressure. Howard didn't think that her breasts should be touched anyway.
Howard had Sylvia go up next. She did a practice swing and Artie said he didn't know if that was turning him on or freaking him out. He threw his first pitch and Sylvia got a double, getting 2 points. Artie pitched again and she missed. He threw another and she got a single and another point. She ended up with 3 points total.
Christine was up next. She took a practice swing and then Artie started pitching. She got a half point for one hit and then a 2 point double on another. Artie pitched a couple more and she missed. She had one hit left so she had to come through with a hit to win. A foul ball would get her half a point and she could have tied it up. She ended up missing the final pitch so Sylvia won the implants.
Howard said that Sylvia got her wish and won the implants. Howard gave Morgan a $500 prize courtesy of the movie ''Elektra.'' Christine was desperate for implants so she said she'd be willing to make out with her friend if they'd just give her implants. Howard told her there will be chances in the future to win implants so she should take her $500 and save it for her implants. Sylvia said she will come back and visit after she gets the implants done. Gary asked Howard to give her the speech about not going too big. She said she's not looking for giant ones, she just wants something to fill up a cup.
Christine told Howard about being in a band called Death Before Dancing. Howard noticed she had a little bit of camel toe showing in her bikini. She didn't think she did but then admitted that the bikini bottom was really tight. Howard ended up playing one of her songs even though he knew he wasn't going to like it. As soon as it started Howard told her to get out of there. He was just kidding but let the song play through a little more. It wasn't Howard's thing but he did let it play for a short time. He said he liked to watch her dancing to it but didn't seem to like the music. Howard wasn't sure if he was digging her dancing or the music. Robin was pretty sure it was the dancing. Christine told Howard to play a different song but it sounded very similar to the first one so Howard cut it off and wrapped up the segment.
Howard heard that Marg's friends couldn't believe that she was coming on the show. She said that some of the people she works with on ''CSI'' probably didn't even know she was coming on the show. Howard talked to Marg about her career and how she wasn't making all that much money back when she was younger, but these days, people are getting paid to do these reality TV shows. Howard pointed out that even Chaunce Hayden might be getting his own reality TV show. Marg said that the reality shows are cheap to produce. There's also a chance that CBS could ruin the ''CSI'' franchise by spreading it too thin. Marg said there is a chance with that and the talent pool gets emptied by doing that as well. Howard read that all of the great writers for ''CSI'' were given their own shows and it could ruin the whole thing. Marg said there's nothing she can do about that though. She said that some of them were more vocal about that stuff than others were. She said she wasn't very vocal but her co-star, William Peterson, was.
Marg told Howard that she doesn't get paid nearly as much as her co-star William Peterson does. She said that they did get raises when the new season started and she did get a rase, but not as much as Peterson. There were also a couple of others on the show who tried to get more money by threatening to not come back to the show this season. That was a messy situation and things didn't go the way they wanted it to. Howard thought that Marg was saying that if she had a penis, she would make more money on the show. That's about right. Marg went on to tell Howard that they're getting bigger ratings for the fifth season than they've ever gotten before. That's pretty amazing for a show in it's fifth season. She also said that her ''CSI'' is the most popular of the three.
Howard asked Marg if she's ever appeared nude in a movie. She said that she didn't but the guys checked MrSkin.com and found her in ''Frame By Frame'' where she did do some nude scenes. Howard showed the picture to Marg and she didn't even recognize it at first. She told Howard about the movie and how she thought she was pretty good in it. Howard said that she was also nude in the movie ''Species'' but Marg said that wasn't true. The picture that Howard showed her must have been from a directors cut of some movie or something.
Howard asked Marg if she ever misses having ''strange'' since she's been with the guy she's married to for 18 years. Marg told Howard that the guy wasn't her first and that she had maybe 10 or 12 guys before him. She also told Howard that she's gone to strip clubs but has never had a lap dance. Marg told Howard about a friend she had who used to dance. She would watch her perform and it was fun. Howard asked Marg if she smokes weed because he'd like to drink wine and smoke with her sometime. She said they'd have a lot of laughs together if they did that.
Howard gave Marg a plug for the movie ''In Good Company'' which she's starring in with Dennis Quaid and Topher Grace. Howard said he saw Dennis Quaid on Jay Leno's show recently and he appears to be pretty old. He claims that he's 50 years old but Howard said ''If he's 50, then I'm 80!'' Marg went to his 50th birthday party though so she thinks that he's telling the truth. That led to the guys talking about Meg Ryan and how she screwed up her face by getting her lips done. Howard wondered if he looks as old as Dennis Quaid does. Marg said she'd guess that they're the same age. Howard wondered if Dennis ever ''popped one'' while doing love scenes with Marg in the movie. She just laughed and said that he didn't. Howard said he would ''pop one'' when he did scenes with women in his movie ''Private Parts.''
Bong Hit Eric called in and said he finds ''Marge'' to be pretty hot. They had to correct his pronunciation of her name. Eric asked her to do some exotic dancing for the guys. Fred played a clip of the ''Can a nigga get a table dance'' song that they play once in a while. Marg didn't know what the lyrics were so Howard and Artie told her it was ''can a nigga get a table dance.'' She repeated it but said ''Can a nig*er get a table dance'' which got Artie laughing pretty hard and goofing on her for saying that. He said he can't wait to read that in the Post tomorrow... ''Marg Helgenberger Says The N-Word.'' Howard and Artie told her that it's ''nigga'' without the hard ''er'' at the end.
Howard took a couple more phone calls for Marg but there were a bunch of goofy callers. Howard had Marg talk more about her movie instead of taking more calls. She explained a bit of the plot to Howard. She thinks that Howard would enjoy the movie. Artie couldn't get past the fact that she'd said the N-word and had a little more fun with that. Howard heard that Marg practiced for the interview today with her husband but she said he just asked her if she was ready for the interview. Artie wondered if he thought her how to pronounce ''nig*er.'' Marg couldn't get over the fact that Howard and the guys were perpetually like 15 year old boys with fart sounds and stuff playing. Fred was playing some of those sound effects as they were talking. Artie cracked another joke about how Marg would be starring in ''KKK Miami'' next. Marg said that she might be having a bit of a thing with the black guy on the show so they should tune in to check that out. Howard wrapped up the interview a short time later.
Howard had Chyna Doll (Joanie Laurer) come in and said that it looked like she'd lost a lot of weight or something. She also had her dog with her in the studio so she had to hand it off to Robin who offered to hold it. Chyna Doll's boob was also popping out according to Howard. She asked Howard if she was going to let her stay on the show for a while today because she flew all the way out there to visit him. Howard told Chyna Doll that he had to leave on time today so he couldn't do a very long interview. He had something to do with his daughter today.
Chyna Doll was wearing glitter on her face for some reason and she had a weird explanation for that which didn't make all that much sense. Howard went on to ask Chyna Doll about her weight loss. He said that she looks much more feminine today than she did last time he saw her. He then brought up ''The Surreal Life'' and how good she is on that show. Chyna Doll was slurring her words and trying to tell a story about ''Melissa Cunningham'' but no one had a clue about who she was talking about. Chyna was asking Howard if he ever rubbed that woman's feet for some reason. Howard didn't think that he had but he wasn't sure. Howard said that it would appear that Chyna Doll is drinking a lot on ''The Surreal Life'' and wondered if she's doing that all the time now. Chyna Doll said that she likes to party and she doesn't want to be the designated driver. Chyna Doll told Howard that if he had a line of coke right there in front of her, she'd do it. She doesn't do that normally though.
Howard asked Chyna Doll if she's depressed these days and if that's why she's drinking so much. Chyna Doll said that she just recently spent 6 days in prison and that wasn't cool. She allegedly beat up her boyfriend so that's why she ended up there. Howard brought up the home sex movie that Chyna Doll is in. He told her that she had six pimples on her ass in the movie but she thinks that she's got a great ass. She went on to explain how her relationship with her boyfriend went bad. She claims that he beat the crap out of her a couple of years ago but she still has the same problems. Her boob fell out of her dress as she was telling the story. Howard told her to just take the dress off and sit there without it. Chyna Doll asked Howard to send the dress to a certain person in the military and she'd take the dress off. Howard promised he'd do that so Chyna Doll took off her dress. She said she was really embarrassed so Howard told her to put it back on.
Howard took a call from Chyna Doll's ex-boyfriend Sean Waltman. Chyna Doll wouldn't let the guy talk, she just kept interrupting him. Sean told Chyna to just come back to the real world. Chyna Doll claims that he made a deal to put that porn tape out behind her back. She said that she was disgusted with herself after seeing it. Chyna Doll also went off on Vince McMahon calling him ''Vince McDick'' and saying that he owes her some royalties and stuff. Chyna Doll also said that she will never go back to Sean. The two of them went back and forth for a couple of minutes. Sean was saying that he never physically abused her. He said that just weeks before doing ''The Surreal Life'' she broke his nose after he told her about a woman he'd slept with that some point in his life. The delay button was hit a bunch of times as each of them were telling their sides of the story. Howard let them argue with each other for a couple of minutes. Howard let Sean go after a few minutes so he could stop the arguing. Chyna Doll told Sean to stay away from her from now on.
Howard let a few phone callers ask Chyna Doll some questions. Chyna said that the porn tape didn't generate any money for her. She was also denying the claims that Sean made about her blowing pot smoke in his kid's face. Howard wanted Chyna Doll to sing for them today so he had her brother Tobey come in with his guitar. Chyna wanted to sit next to him but Howard figured that Tobey might be uncomfortable sitting next to her while she's naked. Chyna was rambling on and on but Howard just wanted her to sit down and sing for them. She calmed down a little bit and her brother prepared to play guitar while she sang. Howard took a couple of phone calls while they prepared. One caller asked Chyna if she had been ''hitting the pipe'' this morning. Chyna Doll said she didn't know what that was.
Tobey and Chyna performed a version of ''Hey Joe'' with different lyrics about Howard and the guys. Howard had enough after a minute or so. He told Chyna Doll that she should tour with Courtney Love. Chyna said that Courtney is unstable right now... Howard said ''Let's just leave it at that...'' and started to wrap up the interview. Chyna Doll told Howard that she was really into Marcus Shankenberg when she did ''The Surreal Life'' but she didn't think she was ready for a relationship. Howard wrapped up with Chyna Doll and Tobey a short time later. Chyna was still naked so she was wondering where he clothes were as they were going to break.
Howard had Robin do a quick news segment and then ended the show around 10:10am. Howard mentioned that they won't be on live next Monday because it's Martin Luther King Jr. day so they'll be back live on Tuesday.