After talking a little bit about how strange Bill Bradley, John McCain and George Bush are Howard spent a little while talking about Grey Goose Vodka. Howard recently (after the legal separation) started drinking more alcohol than he used to. He was on a red wine kick for a while but he's now moved on to Vodka. He said he doesn't know where the bottle came from but he had the Grey Goose Vodka in his apartment so he tried it out and said it was really good. He said it was very smooth and later found out from his friend that it's smooth because it's triple distilled.
A listener called in with a phony phone call he made to Fox news recently. Howard let the guy play the tape over the phone. The guy called the news program when they were discussing who the next Kathie Lee should be. He got through and yelled out that Nancy Sirianni Martling should be the next one. He also yelled out ''Baba Booey'' as they cut him off. The news anchors spent a few seconds discussing that Nancy could be the next Kathie Lee.
After sharing that story Stuttering John came in and shared a couple of his bad appearances. Gary had a couple more to share also. Most of the stories were about how no one showed up to the appearance.
Howard started to play a bit of Gary talking to the crowd at the show but he gave up on it pretty quick.
Up next was Kevin, a ''skinny black gentleman'' according to Howard. Howard found out that Kevin is a messenger and he hasn't had sex since 1997 or so. Here are his questions:
Up next was Debbie the queef girl. Her fantasy is to put a strap-on on and do Kendra. Debbie has been on in the past as a queef (vaginal fart) girl. She demonstrated a little bit of her talent for Kendra. Here are Debbie's questions:
Last up was Lee. Lee said that his old girlfriend screwed around behind his back so he's doing this to get back at her. She got pregnant by his friend so they left each other. Here are his questions:
Bijou also spoke about her half-sisters MacKenzie and Chyna. She said she didn't get along with them when she was younger but she was hanging out with them last night.
Howard brought up more stories that he heard like one time she cut the tip of some guys finger off with a cigar cutter. She said that was true. She also stabbed some woman in the leg. She also confirmed a story about her stealing a car from someone.
Howard took some phone calls for Bijou and one guy said he had the Playboy and that Bijou needs to trim her pubic hair. She told the guy that she likes to keep it natural and she never cuts it. She then revealed that she doesn't shave under her arms either. She showed Howard and he sounded a little disgusted by that. He said she doesn't have a lot of hair but it's not very attractive.
Bijou said that most of the stories about her are true. She only denied a couple of the stories Howard brought up. Some guy she went to camp with called in at one point and said that Bijou once went into a cafeteria with nothing but a rain coat on.
Bijou also got in a plug for her album ''I'd Rather Eat Glass'' which came out last year.
One guy claiming to be a cop called in saying that Erik once called him up and pretended to be a woman. The cop said that Erik told him that he still has a penis but he tucks it away so you hardly know it's there. The cop also said that Erik told him that he gives the best oral sex. Erik didn't deny the oral claims right away but did ask the cop who he was because he didn't recognize his voice. Another caller said she saw Erik with another guy at a store in the city shopping for hair products. She thought that they looked very comfortable together. That friend later called in but on a different subject. Joe called in to tell Howard why Erik is out of a job. He said that the employer told Erik that he wasn't allowed to go on Howard's show anymore. If he did go on they'd fire him. Of course he went back on the show and got fired. The show is more important than a job.
Howard also spoke to Sammy about his past boxing career and a few other things. He also brought up Van Halen and asked Sammy if he'll show up if Van Halen gets nominated into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 2 years. Sammy said he'd be there no problem but he will never re-join the band.
Here are Angelo and Ashley Z's questions:
Big Black called in with a some tape of John McCain going off on Maria Schriver last night as she tried to interview him. She went up to him and asked him how he was feeling and McCain said ''Please get out'' to her. Howard had Big Black play it a couple of times because it was pretty funny. Big Black also played some other tape for Howard then he asked for some money. He's unemployed at this time and he said he's at the end of the road. He asked for some of the iWon.com money that they've been giving away lately. At first Howard told him to just get a job but Big Black said he's been unable to do that. He eventually broke down and gave him $1000 to hold him over for a little while. Gary said this is a payment for years of service.
Since they were already goofing on Gary Howard decided to bring in the ''Sweet Baba Booey Quartet'' formerly known as the ''8-Balls''. The barbershop quartet has been heard on the show in the past singing their ''Sweet Baba Booey'' song. They performed the song live this morning as well as a new song that Jackie wrote about Gary's teeth. They also sang a song about Howard's nose but he didn't think the lyrics were funny. The guys were in to promote some kind of Barbershop Quartet club they have. You can find out more by calling 888-376-8927.
After talking to Doug Howard took a call from Mark Cronin who worked on his WWOR show back in the late '80's. Mark is now working on FX's ''X-Show''. He called in to give the show a couple of plugs. He said that this week they're having the crew from ''Son of the Beach'' on to promote the show. Howard spent a few minutes talking to Mark about how he's dating models now. Mark eventually told Howard that his ''model'' date is actually just a Perfect 10 model. She's not a super-model or anything like that. Howard goofed on Mark for a couple of minutes and let him plug his show before moving on to more important things.
|Dr. Ruth||Marge Schott|
|Rebecca Lobo||Whoopi Goldberg|
|Monica Lewinsky||Rikki Lake|
|Vanessa Redgrave||Estelle Getty|
|Queen Latifa||Missy Elliot|
|Linda Ronstadt||Penny Marshall|
|Tracy Chapman||Rhea Perlman|
|Wheezi Jefferson||Florida Evans|
|Aida Turturro||Shelly winters|
|Delta Burke||Rosie O'Donnell|
|Madelyn Albright||Bea Arthur|
|Linda Tripp||Angela Lansbury|
|Nicole Bass||Barbara Bush|
|Judge Judy||Dr. Joyce Brothers|
|Mother Love||Mother Angelica|
|Whoopi Goldberg||Marge Schott|
|Joyce Brothers||Estelle Getty|
|Missy Elliot||Mother Angelica|
|Rhea Perlman||Shelly Winters|
|Penny Marshall||Florida Evans|
|Rosie O'Donnell||Bea Arthur|
|Angela Lansbury||Barbara Bush|
|Estelle Getty||Mother Angelica|
|Florida Evans||Shelly Winters|
|Bea Arthur||Barbara Bush|
|Marge Schott||Mother Angelica|
|Shelly Winters||Barbara Bush|
|Barbara Bush||Mother Angelica|
Howard had a few tough decisions to make during the game. The old women like Bea Arthur, Estelle Getty and Mother Angelica gave him the biggest problem. He also had a tough choice with Nicole Bass being thrown in there. Penny Marshall was also a big decision because Howard thinks she's a mess. He had a short discussion with Robin about that mess and how weird she was out in Los Angeles when he was out there recently. He said she's heinous and a cow. Once the Pig was picked Captain Janks was on the phone because he's made a bunch of phony phone calls to her in the past. Howard said that it might be time to make another call to let her know that she won the Pig Olympics. Janks told Howard that Nicole Bass isn't that bad but Howard can't get over the fact that she looks so much like a man. Nicole also called in real quick but didn't have all that much to say.
Howard wanted to find out if Marcel was smarter than he sounds so he played a quick game of ''Turkish Millionaire'' with him. Here are the questions he asked:
After finding all of that out Howard got to the reason for the call. Steve said that he was over in Amsterdam, Holland in the Red Light district at a sex show and in a 48 hour period of time he managed to have sex with 35 women. He told Howard that he took some kind of viagra-like drug that kept him ''up'' for sex. After having all of that sex he had a heart attack and passed out on a woman. He said he was taken out of the sex show with nothing but a condom on. He said he woke up with a needle in his chest. He was lucky enough to survive.
After hearing that story Howard read some more notes and found out that Steve has banged a few celebrities in his life. Steve refused to mention any names though. Howard asked him to just talk about the women he's dated but because Steve says if he doesn't get laid on the first or second date he wouldn't talk. Howard tried to get the info out of him but it just didn't happen. Howard said that some of Steve's work can be seen at the Art Expo at the Jacob Javits Center in New York this week. You can find out more at ArtExpos.com or e-mail Steve at StudioSak@aol.com
Dina finally showed up around 9:00 or so. When she came in Howard said that she was very lovely but Fred did one of his cough-under-the-breath ''Forty Three'' comments when he saw her. Howard let the other guys on the show try to tell Dina why she wouldn't be right for Howard. Gary started off saying that she's a little too ''regular'' for a star like Howard. Howard should be with someone who would understand the star lifestyle. Robin asked Dina what she pictures life with Howard being like. Dina said that she sees them just staying home and talking to each other and watching TV. She watches some of the same TV shows that he does but that doesn't matter to Howard. He said that it's boring when two people do the exact same thing.
Howard told Dina that she's too nice of a person. He said that she's too good for him. He told her that his legal separation has devastated his life and he doesn't want to wreck her life. Meanwhile Gary is telling Howard that this is a great rap to have for getting a woman even more interested in him.
A couple of callers told Howard that she's just looking for fame and fortune through him. Gary and Howard both said they don't think that's what she's really after. They think she really does just want to date Howard like a normal person. Howard eventually told Dina that this was their first date and some day her phone might ring and he'll be on the other end. He said they could possibly date in private next time.
Howard also spent a minute talking about Maria Schriver and John McCain's run in the other day. A listener called in and said that Maria's husband Arnold Schwarzenegger made a funny comment about the situation and Howard thought that was pretty cool. That led to Big Black calling in and playing the comment for Howard. Big Black told Howard how he feeds all of these cool clips into his computer and edits them for Howard before calling in. He also had tape of something one of the women on ''The View'' had to say about a concert she was at. Howard was at the same concert so Big Black wanted to know of what she was saying was true or not. She claimed that a couple next to her were performing oral sex on each other while they were being shown on a big video screen at the concert. Howard said he didn't see it happen and thinks that Lisa Ling might be making that story up.
Howard and the crew also spent a couple of minutes talking about the ''Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire'' winner, Darva, being on Larry King last night.
Before going to a commercial break Robin brought up an interesting subject. She wanted to know if sex with a woman who has breast implants is any good. She brought up Kendra Jade's huge knockers as the reason for asking. Howard said he knows that some woman still get off after having implants. He knows a guy who said his woman could have an orgasm just by him fondling and kissing her breasts. Benjy came in at one point and said he was afraid to squeeze a woman's implants for fear of breaking them. Howard immediately kicked him out of the studio.
Howard figures that someone in this shape should be able to get interviews with just about anyone. Who would turn down an interview with a guy in a wheelchair? Howard spent a couple of minutes talking to him about his situation. Louie said that he's going to hire a lawyer to sue anyone he can over this birth defect. He said he'd even sue his mother who claims she didn't take any drugs when she was pregnant with him.
Howard told Tom that he sees religion as being very similar to his Obsessive Compulsive Disorder because you do silly little rituals to protect yourself from bad things in both. Tom agreed with him. He also tried to say that Howard's meditation is a form of a ritual but Howard said he does that so he can get some rest during the day.
God himself called in at one point and told Tom that he's been very good. He told Tom that he had a pair of wings waiting up there for him. He then said that if he ever has chest pains he should call out God's name and he'll send the white light come to him.. it will then tell him that he's a horse-toothed jackass. Surprise, surprise it wasn't really God! It was Sal the Stockbroker checking in. After discussing all of this stuff for about 20 minutes Howard said that his head was spinning so he had to end the show.
Big Black called in with a bunch of TV show clips for Howard to listen to. He had some stuff with Kathie Lee and Darva Conger so Howard spent a few minutes on those subjects.
Howard also brought up a sports story about this college basketball announcer who made a fool out of himself with a comment about women. He said something like ''Since when do we allow women to control who gets in to a mens game..'' after he was asked for press credentials as he was entering the arena he was at. That led to a discussion about other sports announcers who have made stupid comments. One of the things Howard brought up was a guy who said something about black people can't swim because they're not buoyant enough. That led into a discussion about how Robin and Mike Gange don't know how to swim. Gange said that his parents just never knew how to swim so they never taught him how to. Robin was never around water as a child either so she never learned. After a short discussion the two of them said that they might take private lessons together.
Each week Mike Walker calls in with four gossip stories. Three of the stories are from his National Enquirer gossip column. One of the stories is false. Everyone tries to pick out the false story. Here are this week's stories:
After the game Howard spent a while talking to Jaime about who she's dated and stuff like that. Howard heard that she was close to Hugh Heffner so he questioned her about that. She claims that she was just great friends with him and never made love to him. She said the first place she went when she got to Los Angeles was the Playboy mansion. She was already hired to do a photo shoot so she went straight to the mansion. Howard read an article about how Heff had been ''nuzzling'' her while they were watching a movie. She said that's just the way he is and it was just a friendly thing. Howard said he's friends with her but he doesn't nuzzle her. He said it would be hard for him to do it anyway because of his nose.
Howard also asked her about dating Fred Durst from Limp Bizkit. She said she met him a while back and he got her number. They dated for a couple of months but it didn't work out so they broke up. Howard said that he didn't like her dating him. That upset him for some reason. She said she likes ''bad boys'' and that's why she went out with him. Howard reminded her that he's a bad boy also so she might like him... but he's her boss and she doesn't want to date her boss.
Howard had another game of Pig Olympics to play today but this time it was for the women. He brought in Robin Radzinski from E! and Anne Marie from the back office so they could play along with Jaime and Robin. If you missed this the other day it's where Gary reads off two names and the person or people have to pick which one they'd sleep with. The loser advances to the next round until there is one final ''pig'' loser who they wouldn't sleep with. Howard did it the other day and Mother Angelica came out the ''pig'' loser. This time, since there were so many people picking, Howard just went with the general consensus in the room. So here's how it went:
|Hakeem Olajuwon||Patrick Ewing|
|Steve Allen||Marty Ingels|
|Maury Povich||Regis Philbin|
|Richard Belzer||David Brenner|
|Harvey Weinstein||Dominic Barbara|
|Bill Parcells||John Madden|
|Jackie Martling||Red Peters|
|Phil Donohue||Jerry Springer|
|Tony Randall||Mark Harris|
|Christopher Reeve||Big Foot Matt|
|Emanuel Lewis||Gary Coleman|
|Kirk Douglas||Gary the Retard|
|David Letterman||Jay Leno|
|Jeff Van Gundy||Ratso Sloman|
|Crackhead Bob||Elephant Boy|
|Mel Brooks||High Pitch Erik|
|Red Peters||John Madden|
|Patrick Ewing||Steve Allen|
|David Brenner||Dominic Barbara|
|Regis Philbin||High Pitch Erik|
|Gary Coleman||Gary the Retard|
|Mark Harris||Big Foot Matt|
|Jerry Springer||Elephant Boy|
|Jay Leno||Ratso Sloman|
|John Madden||Steve Allen|
|Dominic Barbara||High Pitch Erik|
|Big Foot Matt||Elephant Boy|
|Ratso Sloman||Gary the Retard|
|Steve Allen||High Pitch Erik|
|Gary the Retard||Elephant Boy|
|High Pitch Erik||Elephant Boy|