Howard spent a few minutes talking about the Clinton - Lazio debate that went down the other day. He said that he still can't get over the fact that Hilary isn't a New Yorker. It sounds like he's going to go with Lazio in the Senatorial elections.
Howard tried to watch ''Mighty Joe Young'' over the weekend but said he only made it through 20 minutes before giving up on the horrible movie. He said the beginning of it was kind of a tear-jerker but the rest of what he saw was just a bad remake of a good film. Robin said that she saw Spike Lee's new movie ''Bamboozled'' over the weekend. She said ''..if you pay $9.50 to see that movie, that's exactly what you'll be..'' Bamboozled that is. She said that it wasn't even as good as a college film and she hates to see such talented people working for Spike in his awful movies.
Howard won the Billboard Award for Radio Personality of the Year on Saturday night but he didn't know anything about it. DJ Will Pendarvis was at the event and accepted the award on Howard's behalf. Howard said if he'd known about the awards show he would have gone since it was in Manhattan. He said he was actually happy that he won the award. Normally he said he'd laugh at these things but he's kind of glad that he's getting some recognition. Howard went though some of the other awards he's won. He had a Blockbuster award, a bowling trophy(from the ''US Open Sores'' shoot) and about 10 Billboard awards. Robin told Howard about seeing Quincy Jones on some E! show that showed where celebrities keep their awards. She said Quincy had a whole case dedicated to his Grammy awards. Howard said he'd be embarrassed to have people in his house if he had a case full of awards.
After the call Howard spent a few minutes talking about how wacky religion is. He didn't spend his Yom Kippur doing anything that he was supposed to do if he were a practicing Jew. He said he didn't fast, he ate big time at some sushi restaurant. He said that he didn't want to have his kids put through the whole religious thing but his wife wanted it that way so he let her do it. Gary said that he's the same way. He didn't feel it was necessary to put his kids through the torture but his wife wanted to do it. He said he didn't want to stand in her way so that's what she's done. Robin is out of the whole religion thing and she's happier than ever.
Howard asked how long it took before they started having sex. At first they denied that they've had sex yet but then they hinted that they just want to keep it quiet because her parents might be listening.
Tom had a web site up earlier in the year where he was trying to meet the right woman but that has been shut down. He told Howard that he had a few dates with women around the country and it was a nice thing but he didn't meet the right woman.. until Shelby that is.
Tom was in to promote the movie ''Animal Factory'' which opens in select theaters on October 20. Tom said that Steve Buscemi directed the movie and did a good job at it. Tom plays a guy in prison who attempts to rape the character played by Edward Furlong. Howard spoke to him a little bit about that. Tom said he tries to rape Furlong's character with his finger but it doesn't work out.
Howard took a bunch of phone calls for Tom and most of them goofed on him. Only one call was actually positive about Tom and his wacky life. The guy said that Tom is a funny guy and can laugh at his own life. All of the other callers pointed out how Tom just keeps doing the same thing in his life with women. Some people warned Shelby to run away from Tom as fast as possible.
Shelby told Howard that she doesn't believe in pre-nuptials so Tom had to agree with her about that. If she does marry him she won't sign one. Shelby said she thinks the laws are fair to the women in marriages so it's unnecessary to have one at all. By the end of the interview Howard predicted that the relationship would last about 3 months. He said he wants to keep tape of this interview so he can play it back for Tom sometime in the near future when he breaks up with Shelby.
Next up was Rob Reiner. John asked him:
Alan King was up next and here's what John asked:
Kevin Pollock only got one question ..''Who are you?'' Pollock said he wouldn't talk to John for asking that question but then he recognized him by his wagging tongue. Howard didn't have any more tape of that though.
Howard played Al Franken trying to clear up something he'd heard Howard and Robin talking about on the air but it was so dull that it was hard to figure out what the hell he was talking about. The reason Howard played it though, was the fact that at the end of it John starts doing his ''Douchebagsayswhat?'' thing to Al. It took Al a second to figure out what he was doing. He just laughed and played along.
John was then thrown out of the place and he resisted. Security tried to get him out of there but John demanded to talk to Freddy Roman who's the head of the Friars club. Freddy saved John but then John asked him a bunch of dopey questions. He asked:
Gary said that he was in the Sharper Image store the other day and the salesman told him that Robin just picked up a vibrating chair. Robin said that she did no such thing.. it turns out it's a massage chair, not a vibrating chair. She bought it to eventually go in her screening room at her new house. She said it works great.
Howard ran 11 miles in an hour and 37 minutes. His buddies were running 20 miles so he thought he'd see what 11 miles was like. He said he was exhausted after that and spent the rest of the day sleeping.
Howard also went to The Who concert that was held on Saturday night. He said it was a great show and the drummer, Ringo Starr's son, was actually really good. He said he had to give him props for the job he did. Howard also ran into Jakob Dylan at the concert. Jakob said to get back at them for what they did to him at the MTV awards drinking show, he wants to come on the show drunk himself. After thinking about it for a minute he thought that wouldn't be a good idea because 5 minutes in it wouldn't be funny anymore. Howard said he got KC a couple of tickets to The Who concert and he hung out with him and his girlfriend. He even went out to club Lotus with the two of them. KC didn't stick around long though. He was out of there pretty quick because he was getting claustrophobic. Howard hung out at the club until around 1am. KC came in and said there were just too many people in the club and he wasn't feeling well.
Howard got back to Robin's massage chairs and what it would be like to visit her house to watch a movie with her. Robin and her boyfriend Mr. X both have chairs they can use while watching movies. Robin said that other people would have to use normal chairs to watch because no one is taking her chair. Howard then started complaining that his giant 100 inch TV screen, which is mounted in his ceiling, hasn't been working correctly. He complained about it not coming on and Robin said she's had the same problem. She said they had to install fans to keep the unit cool. A short time later Gary said that no one in the audience can relate to these problems and he was fascinated watching the two of them talking about it.
Somehow they got on the subject of Stuttering John's new apartment and how cheap his rent is. He's only paying $1400 a month for a 1 bedroom in a rent controlled apartment. He was telling Howard that he might be able to hook him up with the guy who got him the apartment. Howard's niece is looking for a place and she needs something inexpensive. Howard's buddy Ralph heard this and called in to yell at John. Ralph said he asked John to hook him up but John turned him down. John said that he doesn't want to help Ralph because he's never done anything for him. The two of them argued with each other for about 10 minutes about what they've done to each other over the years. Howard eventually broke up the fun and tried to give away the trip he tried to give away earlier in the show. Ralph got so pissed that he cursed at John and hung up the phone like a little girl.
Howard had a guy on the phone to give the trip to so he did the song trivia thing again. After struggling with the CD player for a couple of minutes he finally got around to it. After a few guys were unable to guess ''Shining Star'' by Earth Wind and Fire he finally found a woman who knew ''Love Will Keep Us Together'' by Captain and Tenille.
Howard played a short clip of Christina Aguilera's new album which is her old stuff recorded in Spanish. He said that if more artists did this the record companies could hit a new market and make even more money. Robin told Howard that N' Sync recorded their latest album in both English and Spanish.
Howard read an article about Dr. Laura Schlessinger making some kind of half-assed apology for comments she's made about gays. Howard read this so-called apology but it sure didn't sound like one to him. He said she's not apologizing, she's just saying that she didn't say things the way she should have said them.
Howard has a new idea for someone to get lucky with a porn star. He's thinking of doing this Halloween contest where they'd hide a porn star somewhere in New York state and the first person to find her would get to ''F. Her''. He said it would be kind of like ''Where's Waldo'' in a strange kind of way. They don't have a porn star picked out yet though. Some names were thrown up in the air like Houston, Nikki Tyler and even Robin. Plus, none of the details have been worked out yet so they're not set to put this thing in motion. One guy called in and wanted to know if he'd be able to have anal with the porn star. Howard told him he doesn't know the details yet so he can't say for sure. Stay tuned for the details.
A listener called in and told Howard that he's banging his neighbor's wife. He wanted some advice from Howard. Howard told him he's got the best of both worlds and he should keep doing it for a while. He also told him that he's broken the ''code of man'' because he's banging his buddy's wife which is wrong. Howard told him not to leave his own wife for the other woman because he'll just get sick of her in a short period of time. Howard told him this whole thing isn't right, but he's got a winning situation where he gets some ''strange'' a couple of times a week.
Howard replayed the Stuttering John tapes that he played yesterday to kill some time. He also had some tape of OJ Simpson talking about being innocent.. as usual.
Howard announced that on tomorrow's show, Jason Alexander will be playing Butt Billionaire for a listener. Kendra Jade's ass is the prize and Jason will be playing some kind of trivia game for one lucky listener. Tune in tomorrow to find out who gets it.
| Question | Caller Says | Stripper Answer | Correct? |
| What food group is corn in? | Y | Goya, spanish food | N |
| What letters in the alphabet are vowels? | N | D,E,A,W,Y | N |
| How many wheels are on a tricycle? | Y | Two | N |
| How many nostrils do you have? | Y | Two | Y |
| What President is on the one dollar bill? | Y | George Washington | Y |
| Question | Stripper Answer | Correct? |
| Complete this line from a Shakespeare play.. ''To be or not..'' | To be | Y |
| How many pints are in a quart? | Three I think | N |
| Name one ocean. | Pacific ocean | Y |
| How many quarters are in 75 cents? | Three | Y |
| True or False, Dolphins walk on land. | FALSE | Y |
| How many testicles does a normal man have? | Four | N |
| How did Princess Diana die? | Car accident | Y |
| What are the last four letters in the alphabet? | Z,Y,W,X | Y |
| Where does solar energy come from? | Vegetables and energy pills | N |
| How many clitoris' does a woman have? | Four | N |
| If you get $200 from Scores and spend $190 on perfume, how much to you have left? | $10 | Y |
| How did JFK Jr. die? | Airplane crash | Y |
| What's the first name of the First Lady? | Hilary Clinton | Y |
| What is Bill Gates Famous for? | Sex with Monica Lewinsky? | N |
| What is the sun, a moon, planet, star or plant? | Planet | N |
| How many days are in a year? | 365 | Y |
| What month are taxes due? | December | N |
| How many holes are in a game of golf? | Four | N |
| How many people are in a quartet? | Five | N |
| What animals race in the Kentucky Derby? | Dogs | N |
| What do you call a tooth doctor? | Dentist | Y |
| Name one bridge in New York. | Brooklyn | Y |
| Abe is short for what name? | Abie | N |
Howard started to go through a list of people she's slept with but he didn't get far. He mentioned John Enos but she broke up with him after his dog killed her cat. She claims that he was too immature for her and that's why they broke up. She denied a story about her being heard having sex in a bathroom with her boyfriend.
Traci said that she has tried changing her name so people wouldn't know it was her going for acting jobs but it got her in trouble. She said a company in Japan sued her for misrepresentation. She then went back to her porn name and says that people can either take her or leave her. She told Howard some of the details of her life in the porn industry. She told Howard that by the age of 10 she was fully developed and guys always came on to her. She was raped by a kid who was a couple of years older when she was 10 and that changed her life. She said that after the rape she thought sex was supposed to be violent so that led to her eventually getting into porn. By 16 she ran away from home and went to Hollywood. She responded to an ad in the paper where they were looking for models. She was soon living with a guy in the industry. She said she was intoxicated when she shot her first porn movie and said she didn't even realize they were shooting a movie. She just knew there was a camera in the room and guys having sex with her. Two and a half years later she was busted and there was a whole big scandal about kids in porn which probably cleaned up the porn industry.
Traci admits that she lied about her age but the way the guys got her to do the movies was wrong. She also thinks that law enforcement should have ''rescued'' her from her porn life sooner. She thinks that the only reason they did rescue her was for political reasons. She said they knew about her before then but didn't do anything.
Traci says she's having an incredible life now. She was on ''Melrose Place'' for 6 episodes and now she's in this ''First Wave'' show. She's living up in Vancouver while she shoots the show. She said she's getting along with her mother now and she has 3 great sisters who she gets along with now. Her father hasn't been around since she was a young child. She said she's tried to find out why he was never around but he tells her that she left him, he didn't leave her. It was actually her mother who moved her away from her father though.
As Howard was wrapping things up he took a bunch of phone calls for Traci. No one had anything bad to say about her. One guy said he was going to say that ''A whore is just a whore'' but after hearing her story he changed his mind. Traci also revealed that she just won a case to get the master tapes of her only ''legal'' porn movie that's still being sold. She owned the rights to it already but had problems getting them back. She won the case but it cost her close to a million bucks trying to get the movie off store shelves. She said she's going to burn the masters. She doesn't want them out there anymore but she knows there will be bootleg copies floating around forever. Traci said she just wants to let people know that she doesn't want that movie out there anymore.
After Traci left and Howard took a break he said that he thinks that she likes him now. He also said that a lot of the guys think she's really hot looking. Jackie said that someone told him that when they looked at Traci on camera they ''..saw the devil..'' Jackie didn't say who said that.
Howard said that it's kind of like Tom Chiusano's way of ruining the show and not supporting it. He went off on Tom for a couple of minutes about how he has no respect for the show.
Howard finally changed the subject when he realized how gassy he was this morning. He said that he ate some pea soup just before bed last night and this morning he woke up with tons of gas. He said his diet has helped him lose 20 pounds though. He showed off his new semi-flat stomach but Jackie said it's still the same.
Howard brought up the Halloween scavenger hunt once again. He said now they've decided to make the area for the hunt the tri-state area instead of just New York. The hunt will be for a porn star hidden somewhere in the area. The first guy to find her gets to have sex with her. They still don't have all of the details worked out though.
Howard and the crew spent a little while discussing last night's Yankees game. Howard tuned in around the 6th inning and thought that they were going to lose but this morning he found out they'd won. Stuttering John was at the game so he shared his stories about beer drinking. He had a hard time getting enough beer to keep him happy. Once again Howard and Robin pointed out how this drinking thing is becoming a problem for John because he always has a beer in his hand when he goes somewhere. John doesn't think it's a problem, he's just enjoying himself. He said he paid for some of the beer he drank but his buddy bought the rest. He said he had ten 16oz cups of beer at the game last night. He won't admit that he's a heavy drinker but Robin and Howard tried to get it through his head that he is drinking a little too much. Howard told him to stop just for this weekend. John said ''No way!'' because he's heading out to Los Angeles and he needs to drink while he's out there. He still denies being an alcoholic but every time Howard told him to just give it up for a week he'd say he can't do it this weekend. He'll be drinking with Jackie and Gary so it's not an option. Howard said he doesn't know why he was doing this ''encounter group'' with John because there are other cool things they could be doing on the show.
Howard brought in the first contestant for the ''Butt Billionaire'' game. His name was Shukri Abdul and he didn't seem to have anything wrong with him like most of these contestants usually do. He said he had sex just 3 weeks ago so he's not desperate. Howard told him the rules and told Jason that he had to get 3 out of 5 answers correct to win this guy his anal. Here are most of the questions:
KC came in at one point and said that High Pitch Erik was there to play but Shukri had already won. Erik came in for a quick visit so Howard goofed on him for being so fat. He then wrapped things up and took a break.
| Question | Stripper Answer | Correct? |
| Abe is short for what name? | Abie | N |
| What is the name of the pro basketball team in New Jersey? | The Nets | Y |
| What number is Black Jack? | 21 | Y |
| How many weeks are in a year? | Sixty | N |
| Who is the current Vice President of the United States? | Giulianni | N |
After the stripper game Howard spoke to KC about his ''lifting group'' that he works out with. KC told Howard how they work out and pose for each other to show off their muscles and crap. Of course Howard goofed on him for doing that.
Mike Gange came in with no voice this morning so Howard had him come on the air to let people hear how far gone it was. He hardly has a voice normally but after spending the night at a bar watching the Yankees game he could barely talk. He said it was really hurting him to talk today.
Doug Goodstein was back today after his honeymoon. Howard had him come in so he could talk to him about the whole thing. Howard said he was out with Doug and his new wife Marlo the other night and a cute chick was interested in him. He said that Doug was all over the girl, not physically just talking and stuff, and she was interested in him but now he's married. Doug said that both he and his wife were talking to the girl and he wasn't flirting with her like Howard thought he was. Howard also pointed out how Doug spent a full 6 hours at temple on Yom Kippur. Doug told Howard that he crams in a years worth of temple in one day because it's the highest of the holy days. The discussion eventually led to Doug's wedding and his vows. Howard said that Doug didn't read his own vows. The Rabbi read them and they sounded like they were written by children according to Howard. Howard wanted Doug to read them on the air but he didn't want to be ridiculed by Howard and the listeners. Howard eventually convinced him that he should do it. Doug finally agreed to get them. He came back a short time later and read them. They sounded kind of childish to Howard when he said things about ''furthering their relationship'' and how he'd ''always be there as her husband and best friend.. for now and forever.'' He ended it with ''All my love always, Doug'' Howard spent a couple of minutes giving Doug a reality check and telling him how it won't be easy to maintain the relationship. He also told him that he's going to read back these vows in 5 years when Doug is getting divorced. Howard told Doug that his vows should have gone something like ''I am an insecure guy.. and the only way I can hold on to you is by getting married.. and in a couple of years things could change..'' and some other stuff like that. He just thinks that people should give marriage a more realistic view and they wouldn't all end so soon. Doug eventually told Howard and Robin ''F-you both''. Howard moved on to other things.
Howard played yet another Touch-Tone Terrorists phony phone call from the new album ''Customer Service Disasters''. This was another call where a woman calls thinking that she's getting customer service for a shipping company but ends up talking to ''Big Willie'' and ''Jim Bob'' who make her life miserable by giving her a hard time and calling her names. As usual the call was hilarious.
Howard spent a couple of minutes talking about he SAG (Screen Actors Guild) strike that's going on. He said that the strike isn't going to end anytime soon unless big time actors walk out on their jobs to help out the little guys. The celebrities that are supporting the strike just wear red ribbons and continue to work their jobs instead of actually doing something like walking out on their jobs. Howard supports the striking actors but he's not in SAG so he can't really help. He did, however, say that he's going to start giving out the names of companies that are using scabs to film their commercials. He also said he might give out the names of the scabs.
As Howard was coming back from a break Fred was playing a clip from ''Private Parts'' the movie. Howard said he can't even bear to watch that movie anymore. He said it's too upsetting now that he's legally separated from his wife. He said he's got to do another movie that's not about him next. He also pointed out how well some of the other stars of the movie are doing. Both Allison Janney and Paul Giamatti are doing very well in TV and movies.
Howard spent a couple of minutes reminding everyone that the Pamela Anderson foot tickle thing is airing this Saturday night on his syndicated show. He had to talk in code to all of the foot fetish people who made the suggestion about what they'll see.
This woman called in to tell Howard about her run in with OJ Simpson. She told Howard that she was at the Miami airport recently when she saw OJ in line. She claims that he was looking her up and down like she was checking him out. They made eye contact and she decides to call him ''murderer'' over and over again. She said he just started to laugh at her with this creepy laugh. She walked to her gate and decided to go back for more. She wanted a different reaction so she found him again, this time he was with his bodyguards. OJ sees her and she calls him a murderer again. OJ came back at her by calling her a midget and a honky. She's told Howard that she's 5'1'' tall but skinny. That was about it though. OJ didn't try to kill her or anything. The woman will be coming in the studio for a breast exam on National Mammography day which is October 20.
After the game Howard spent some time talking to Jennifer about her TV show and getting paddled. Howard mentioned that Sex Wars has a web site at SexWars.com. Jennifer asked Howard a sample question from the show and he got it right. It was ''Who used the services of Jack Kervorkian more, Men or Women?'' Howard got it right with Men. Howard them spent some time talking to her about being paddled in school. She was only 6 at the time but Howard said you have to picture her as she is now while she described being bent over by the female teacher in a dark closet. She was spanked with the paddle 2 times and it hurt pretty bad. Howard made it a sexual thing though. She said she doesn't like being spanked now though.
Howard tried to make a deal with Jen. She would ask him a question and if he got it right she'd take her top off. She wanted no part of that though. She refused the offer even when Howard offered to show her his ass. She said she's already seen it back when Howard did his Fartman thing on MTV. He said it's changed a lot since then. She didn't care though. He tried over and over to make a deal but she just wouldn't go for it. Howard even said that she bared her breasts for Playboy but she wouldn't even show a bra on his show.
As Howard was wrapping things up he read that Jennifer once wet her bed when she was in college. She told him how she was working hard and wasn't getting much sleep at the time. She said she had a dream where she went to the bathroom and peed and it turned out she actually wet the bed... and her boyfriend was in it with her. She said it just happened that one time. Howard said that KC did the same thing recently but he's mental and she's not. Jennifer got a hug from Howard as she was leaving. He said he could feel her ''big fake jugs'' against his chest when he got the hug.
Bill and Howard spent a few minutes talking about the Presidential candidates. Bill said that he will be casting a vote for Ralph Nader because he's the only one talking about issues that count. Howard agrees but also said that abortion is a major issue for him and he wants someone like Gore to be there to protect women's rights.
Howard brought up a story about Bill being at some Bill Clinton fund raiser. Bill said that he did introduce Clinton because he thought that the guy did a great job. Before he could finish the story Stuttering John came in and interrupted him. He had his brother-in-law and his fiance on the phone. The fiance claims to have gotten a letter from Bill back when she worked on ''Politically Incorrect'' when it was on Comedy Central. The 2 page letter basically said that she was hot and he wanted to hook up with her. The fiance said she didn't really want to read it on the air but the brother-in-law said he'd do it. They never really did get around to it and the whole thing fizzled out. They read part of one line that said something like ''You are so goddamn hot..'' Gary came in and told Howard that the woman never wanted to come on the air but Stuttering John bugged her about it so much that she finally came on today. It was a big waste of time. Bill said he didn't remember doing that but it's possible.
Howard got back to the Bill Clinton stories and said he heard that Bill was asked to bring a hot date to one of the fund raisers he was at. They needed ''eye candy'' at the event or something like that. Bill didn't confirm or deny that fact. Howard also heard that the Secret Service asks that attractive women be kept back from Clinton because he tends to get a little overzealous with them and it distracts him. Bill said he did hear that story.
Howard continued to ask Bill about all of the hot women he's dated. He tried to get some advice on getting such hot women but Bill wasn't really talking.
Bill will be at the Bottom Line tonight in New York doing his ''Politically Incorrect'' tour. He said it's just like his TV show but there are no commercials and people are allowed to curse.