|Austin Powers $27 Million||Fathers Day $17 Million|
|Romy and Michelle's H/S Reunion $22 Million||Chasing Amy $7 Million|
|Sling Blade $22 Million||Liar Liar $160 Million|
|The Fifth Element $34 Million||Volcano $38 Million|
|McHale's Navy $4 Million|
Howard started the show talking about what they had coming up today. He said he's been checking the law books lately to see what kind of punishment an adulterer can get. He said that he's going to be calling the New York District Attorney to try and get Frank Gifford arrested for what he did to Kathie Lee. He said that he was caught on tape so he has proof of it and he thinks he may be able to get him thrown in jail.
Robin said that she's glad he's doing this because there was a woman who was thrown in jail for something like that not too long ago and there's no reason a man shouldn't go to jail. Howard said he will be doing that later in the morning and asked Gary to get the number ready for him.
Howard said that Mia Farrow thanked him for having her on the show because her book orders tripled after she was on. He said she found out what kind of power his show really has. He said that Meg Ryan might think that she's on top now but the wall is coming her way soon.
Howard said that Gary tried to get Steve Martin on the show years ago and his publicist laughed at him and told him that they'd never get any stars of that caliber on the show. He said that they pointed out that they've had a lot of A-list celebrities on the show but that doesn't change things. Gary said that he hasn't heard from her for years but he's heard that she's working for a tiny company now and not working with Steve Martin anymore. He said that she tried to book her boss on the show one time and he turned it down. Howard told him he should have told her that they'd never have a guest of that caliber on the show. Fred played the Robert De Niro laugh from Cape Fear as they were talking about the publicist making it sound like he was laughing at her.
Howard told Gary to get him Meg Ryan's mother so he can talk to her. He said that most of these publicists are in their 20s and the only reason they were hired is because they're good looking. He said that there's a way to reject things and not be disrespectful like that publicist is. He went off on her for a few more minutes and told her not to give him attitude like that.
Howard said that today he's going over to Penthouse to do a shoot over there. He said that he may have to cheat some day and he's thought about doing that every day of his life, 24 hours a day. He said that he'd love to be with another woman and he always thinks about doing that. He said that he'd like to be able to get away with something like that but he knows that won't happen. He said that eventually you must stop caring and just go out and do it.
Howard said he got a letter in the mail from a woman who was complaining about how she looks and how much she's in love with him. He said that she loves the way he looks and she'd like to be in the studio with him and just talk to him. He said that he wouldn't mind being out on the town seen with her.
The caller cut him off and said that he likes the show and wanted to say hello to Robin too. He told Howard that he has so much. Howard cut him off and said he'd love to be able to take this woman on a private jet and hang out with her.
Howard said that Larry King has this hot chick he hangs out with when he's out and that guy looks like a frog with beady little eyes of his. He said that the girl is into the trappings of Larry King and he gets to hang out with her. He said that Stuttering John went over there and there wasn't one single person in the store for him, yet the girl was still impressed with the guy.
Howard said that he could have people with names if he was able to go out and date. He said that he could have them all. Howard said that he has the temptation and he's cracking from it. He said that he could end up doing something like Frank Gifford did. He said he's not going to be a phony like Gifford was though.
Howard said that Giff didn't wear a rubber and that's one of the things that irks him about the whole thing. He said that if Kathie Lee had any balls she'd leave the guy. He figures that's not going to happen though.
After another edited out break Howard played some audio from Hard Copy where they talked about his comments about Frank Gifford. They had some clips of him talking about Frank and what went on with him.
Howard complained about the music they were playing while they had his audio playing on that show. They even had an exclusive comment from him that they got in an interview. They also talked about how upset Kathie Lee was about the whole thing.
Howard talked about some of the other people he met while he was over there. He did a TV show over there that's the biggest show on TV and they do it live. He was on with the Fugees. He said that he was up all night because they have constant partying going on out there and it goes on all the time.
Howard said he forgot to bring his white noise machine over to France with him and he wasn't able to sleep. He said that he called his wife and told him he forgot it and got all upset about that. He asked her to overnight it to him and it cost him $500. He said he tried to find one over there but didn't have any luck. He said he was going to have his assistant Jody stand there and just go ''Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh'' to make the white noise for him.
Howard said he was talking to the guys from the Fugees and they gave him a copy of their new album that's in the works and he said it was really good. He said the chick in the band is hot and she's got skin that's chocolately smooth. He said she's like a chocolate cupcake. He said it's like ''cheatin' skin'' because he'd like to cheat with her.
Howard said he got on this show in France and they had a translator talking in his ear and this translator was trying to tell him what they were talking about and it was a nightmare. He said that they were asking him stuff and he had a hard time following what was going on. He demonstrated what it was like by having Robin speak and talking over her. He said it was the most schizophrenic thing he's ever heard.
Howard said that he thought he did really bad on the show but some guy out on the street told him he did fine. He said that the guy told him that Bruce Willis was on that show recently and he wasn't able to answer one question.
Howard talked about how there were some paparazzi out there and they were calling out to him to turn around but they were saying cuckoo to him as if he were crazy or something. He said he hates the French and had no desire to be over there.
Howard said he was in the middle of a press junket and there was a German guy there asking him about why he bad mouths the Germans. He talked about what the thought of them and the way they acted during World War II. He also said that some French people were asking him about hating them as well. They had to go to break a short time later.
Howard said that Stuttering John got fired from his radio show there at K-Rock. He read some mail and faxes they got about that. He said that some people are happy that John is off the air now. He got a job offer from someone who said that he can lick his shoes and drive his car for $2 an hour.
Howard said there's a new religious group after him that's based in San Diego. He said that they sent his advertisers letters basically saying that he's Satan. He said that they actually list everything bad that he does every day. He read some of the stuff they pointed out. On the list there were a few Jesus references and a couple of people who showed up with cigarettes in their butts. There were a bunch of other references that Howard and Robin didn't even recognize. Robin said that they don't cover that many topics in an hour. The group had everything broken down per hour but it was hard to tell if they really did all of that stuff.
Howard got a few laughs reading the notes that these people had about him. They had more notes from the next day and a few other days that they were listening to. Howard and Robin said that they'd like to hear some of those shows that they're describing. Howard figured they could get a couple million more listeners if they just posted all of that stuff in the paper.
The next caller said that he has a sister who wants to date black guys and he doesn't want her doing that. He said that his sister is into this one guy who is a rapper and smokes weed and he doesn't want that for her. Howard told the guy that a lot of Hispanic girls are into that and that's the way things are. Howard told the guy to do a lot of drinking if he's not happy with the way things are going.
Another caller asked Howard if he's thought about putting out an uncensored E! show tape. Howard said he'd like to do that some day. He'd also like to do that with the WOR show tapes but they won't let him have access to them.
Howard said that they have something interesting going on with the E! show and the cubing out of the breasts. He said that they were told that if you slow down the tape, you can catch some frames that aren't cubed out. Gary said that if you have a VCR that can go frame by frame, there are 2 frames that aren't cubed out. Howard said that's like pay dirt and if you really want to see the stuff going on during the show, you can do that.
The guys ended up talking about Kathie Lee and what she must be like in bed. Howard figured that she's not into doing a lot of wild stuff. He figured that when she does give oral, she must not like doing it. He said that every place on her body is considered a ''bad place'' and she won't even do it doggy style. Robin thinks that Kathie Lee did it all before they got married. Howard said he doesn't believe that. He said that there are some religious freaks out there who never get into sex and they're really uptight about everything.
Howard had some clips of Frank and Kathie Lee talking about their kids during a Barbara Walters interview. Frank said that he didn't want to have any kids but once they did he was fine with it. Kathie Lee ended up breaking down and crying during that.
Howard wasn't sure how it worked and wanted to know how he can file the claim and get him arrested. He said he was being serious about it but the cop didn't seem to be taking him seriously. Howard said that he was in contact with a lawyer who told him that they do have proof now and it is actionable. He said he wasn't making this up and he wanted to know how they can make it happen.
The cop asked Howard what he's looking for that he's willing to do this. Howard said that it'll make him look like a crime fighter and it'll make him look better to some people in the area. Howard said that he swears that he had a lawyer look into this whole thing and there is a law on the books about adultery. The cop said that it was unconstitutional to arrest someone for something like that.
The cop wasn't being very cooperative with Howard and thought that he didn't have any right to have this guy arrested. He told Howard to just tell the guy's wife about what he did. Howard and Robin said that she already knows so that's pointless. Howard said that he swears to him that there is a law about this on the books. The cop didn't seem to believe it.
Dominic Barbara called in and said that the cop should know that this is on the books. He explained to the cop what was going on but the cop said that what goes on behind closed doors is their business. Dominic said that it's under section 60.17 so Howard gave that to the cop and asked him to look into it. The cop still wasn't cooperating with him.
Dominic called in and asked if they could have Stuttering John make a citizen's arrest with him. The cop told Howard it's not enforceable in New York State. Dominic told the cop that they can enforce it but the cop disagreed. They said they really had to go but Howard wanted to talk to the Lieutenant about it before they left. The cop said that he had to go before he got fired. He hung up a short time later.
Howard read from the penal code that Dominic had sent over to them. The code made it sound like they could arrest him for adultery.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he would go over and arrest Frank now. He had read the penal code, under 255.17, and said that he works in Queens and he'd be able to arrest him. Howard asked the guy if they could put Stuttering John in the car with him and send him over and do that. The cop suggested that they go over and file a complaint first. The cop agreed that they would have to accept the complaint too. He said that it is a crime. Howard got all fired up and started laughing like a little kid when he heard that.
Howard called Stuttering John in and told him that he's going to go over to the 19th precinct and file a complaint under a ''61'' that the cop suggested. The cop had to get going after that and gave them an F-Jackie before getting off the phone.
Howard and the guys spent a few more minutes talking about that whole thing. Howard sounded very excited about what they were going to be doing and how they were going to have the guy arrested for something like that. Howard wanted to be on the phone with John when he went down to fill out the form to file the complaint.
Howard said that he got really excited when he figured out that he could actually do this to Gifford. He said he loves it. He said he hopes that Dominic is going to be available if they need his advice on all of this. He let him go a short time later and then went to break.
Howard's mother Ray called in after that and said that what he's doing is very wrong. She said that this is not a game and it's not his business. She said she thinks that he's wrong and she had to protest. She said that she's not kidding about this and she thinks that what he's doing is wrong. She asked him why he thinks that he has to be the one who does this.
Howard said that someone has to file the complaint. Ray said that what Howard is doing is wrong. She said that they'll discuss this later off the air. Howard said that he's 43 years old and he's not calling her and he's going to do what he wants. She told him that he's doing wrong and that's why she's there on this earth. Howard asked her why she's still on this earth anyway. He said that most people who are 43 don't have parents that are alive.
Ray asked Robin what she thinks of all of this. She said that it wasn't her idea, she didn't come up with it. Howard said he didn't understand his mother's point. He said that a crime was committed and he wants to report it. It was as simple as that. Ray said that it's not her son's job to do this type of thing. Howard wondered what his job was because he wasn't sure. She didn't know either.
Howard and his mom spent a couple of minutes going back and forth about that before Stuttering John called in from the police station. Howard's dad got on the phone too and told Howard that he feels that he's just compounding a pain that those people are going through and they have no business getting involved.
Stuttering John walked into the police station and told them what he wanted to do. They said the captain would be out in a minute so Howard told John that he might end up getting arrested himself. While John was waiting there, Melrose Larry Green went in and started causing a commotion inside. John told the cops that he didn't know who he was and they should kick him out. Melrose continued to yell and cause a problem there.
John said that he was still waiting for someone to come out even though there were like 30 cops there in the front. Howard put John on hold for a short time and then got back to him when the Captain finally spoke to him. John told Howard that they aren't allowed to file the complaint, it would have to come from Kathie Lee. Howard said that he might have to send a lawyer down there with John to get this to work.
Howard asked to speak to the Captain but he didn't want to get on the phone. Howard said he'd have to talk to Dominic again about this whole thing.
After an edited out commercial break Howard had Dominic Barbara back on the phone and asked him what they should do. Dominic said that they are the complainant and they should be allowed to fill out a 61 incident report at the least. Howard told John to get the form and they'll fill it out down there at the station and send it into the D.A.'s office.
Howard said he thinks that this marriage will only last another 6 months before they file for divorce. He and the guys placed some bets on that.
Stuttering John called back and said that the Captain wouldn't even give them the form to take back to fill out. He wasn't happy about the whole thing. Howard wondered what was up with that and why he was giving him a hard time about that. John said he thinks that the Captain's hands are tied and that's why he wasn't giving it up. John said he'd go by the D.A.'s office and pick up the form there instead. Howard told him to go ahead and do that.
Howard said that he just wants to see Frank out there in an orange jumpsuit cleaning up Central Park or something. He said he'd love to supervise that too.
Howard said that he's commissioned a bust of himself to be made so he can go up there and present it to the school himself. He said he actually called them up there and demanded that they hang his picture up there but they refused to do it.
Howard had the Dean of Boston College on the phone so he got him on and told him he's kind of bothered by the fact that they ignore him up there. He said that he's the most distinguished graduate up there and they still ignore him. He said that he's done books, film, TV and radio and he's very successful. The Dean agreed but joked about what was going on there. Howard said he didn't appreciate that.
The Dean asked Howard to come up there and make an appearance but Howard said that he's not going to do that until John Silber changes his tune about him. He said that when a school of communications has a really successful guy like him and then ignores him, it's just not right.
Howard said that they were giving them a picture that someone had painted of him and he wants to see that they hang it on the walls up there. He said that he graduated Magna Cum Laude in 1976 and he's proud of that. Howard told the guy not to treat him like some kind of punk.
Howard said that he'll be there when they stop patronizing him and stop ignoring him. The Dean said that the students up there would like him to come up and visit but Howard said he wants to be honored up there and not ignored like they've been doing.
Howard went off on the guy for a few minutes about what he had just done. He goofed on the guy about what he was asking him to do by coming up and spinning some records for them. He said that he has no desire to have to kiss that guy's ass to get his picture on the wall.
Howard read an article about some radio hall of fame nominees and complained about the people on the list for a while. He said that Rick Dees was on the list and said that guy is just like Casey Kasem or Dick Clark. He said the guy laughs are himself and anything he says. He did an impression of what Rick Dees does on his show and made fun of him for a couple of minutes.
Howard read through some of the other names on the list and goofed on them saying he didn't even know who some of them were. He said that the whole industry wants to act like he never existed.
Howard said that if he was going to play a villain in a Batman movie, he'd shave his head down and be the scariest villain ever.
The caller asked Howard if he would ever make fun of the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi. Howard said that if he did something humorous he would do that. He just doesn't think that there's anything to make fun of there.
A caller asked what happened with Zach the Intern after he streaked through the studio. Howard said that they had to let him go because he can't have people that out of control running around there. He said Zach went on a TV show and bad mouthed him after they fired him to and he's not going to forget about that.
Howard said that if the other interns want to get naked, they can ask and come in and do it. He said that the girl who replaced Zach is the daughter of an astronaut so that's pretty cool. Howard said he kind of liked Zach when he was there. Gary said he doesn't like him after he went on that TV show and talked about the firing the way he did.
Howard and Gary talked about the new intern and brought her in a short time later. Her name was Amy. Howard asked her about her father and what he did when he was an astronaut. She said that his name was Dick Covey and he had gone into space 4 times. She said that he was on the first mission after the Challenger blew up. She said she was scared for him when he went up again.
Howard spent a few minutes talking to Amy about her father's flights into space and things like that. She said that she thinks the longest time he was ever up there was 10 days in a row. Howard asked if he ever went up to the space station with the Russians or anything. She said she didn't think he had. Howard said it's pretty cool that they have an astronaut's daughter working there. He joked that they have Jack Ruby's daughter starting there next week.
Howard said that no woman with little children should ever be up in the Space Shuttle like some have. Howard said that he wouldn't want his wife going up there if he had little kids. Howard congratulated Amy and her father for what he's done in his life. He said she was a very nice girl and checked out her ass as she was walking out of the studio. He said that Volleyball really pays off. He went to break a short time later.
Heloiza talked about some stuff that she's heard about going on down there but she wasn't so sure that they were true or not. Howard said that the stories didn't exactly make him want to go down there. She talked about how there's a whole generation of kids who were born out on the streets and have never known what it's like to live in a home.
Howard wondered how the movie is going to be shown down there, with subtitles or dubbed. Heloiza said that it's going to have subtitles. Howard said that the French saw his movie with subtitles and they were laughing their asses off.
Steve Grillo came in and said that he has a friend who goes down to Rio De Janeiro to have sex with 14 year olds. He said that the guy is a bouncer at a bar and you can go down there and have a 14 year old for a whole weekend for $300. Steve said that the guy seems to be a nice guy until he talks about being with these 14 year olds. He said it's kind of creepy.
Howard and Heloiza talked about a lot of different things that are going on in Brazil and had some fun going back and forth with stories. Howard also told Heloiza about his movie and why the people down there should go see the movie.
Howard was also complimenting Heloiza on her looks and said he likes her ''mauve'' skin. Robin said that wasn't the right color for her. Howard wrapped up with Heloiza a short time later and told her to tell her people to go see his movie.
Gary told Howard that they had a guy on the phone who didn't think that Heloiza was representing her country very well. Howard said that he was just saying what he really thought of the country. The caller was from Brazil too and said that he shouldn't be bad mouthing his country. The guy said that Heloiza shouldn't be bad mouthing it either since she lives there. Howard cracked some more jokes about the country before he let the guy go. Howard talked a little more about the movie and let Heloiza go a short time later.
Howard had the guy that Grillo was talking about earlier on the phone. Howard said that this guy goes down to Brazil and gets 14 year olds. The guy said that he's had 17 and 18 year olds down there, he said that was exaggerated and he never had sex with any of them himself. He said that maybe some of them are lying but he thinks that they've been 17 and 18 years old. He said that it only costs $50 to $100 for a whole night to have the girls.
The guy said that the girls down there are very hot too, much hotter than the girls up there. He said he hasn't been down there since January. He doesn't have a relationship in New York right now. He said that he's kind of fat himself but he can have 2 or 3 girls a day in Brazil if he wants.
Howard told John to tell the assistant that they can't deny them the form and the right to file the complaint. He let John go and said that they were supposed to check on Kathie Lee today but Robin forgot to remind him about that.
Howard turned on the TV and said that Kathie Lee really looked cute today and he'd love to get that. Gary came in and told Howard that he just talked to Meg Ryan's mother's husband and he's supposed to call them back. Howard said he wants to get her mother on the phone to talk to her about her relationship with Meg since Meg's people turned down Gary's offer to have her on the show.
Howard had Robin get into her news after that. They also checked out some video of Kathie Lee from Regis and Kathie Lee. Howard said she really looked good today. Robin read a news story about Regis and Howard watched a little more of the show and then realized that she didn't look that good today. He ended up saying that she actually looked horrible.
Gary came in at one point and said that they're getting a lot of feedback about Kathie Lee and how odd she was acting on the show today. He said that she was sniffling and blamed it on some flowers and her allergies. There were a few other things that she was doing too like saying ''I love Diane Sawyer'' in the middle of the show for no apparent reason.
Stuttering John called again and said that he did get a copy of that form they have to fill out. He also said they suggested that they get a copy of the tape that The Globe had so they can move forward with the case. Howard said that he'll work on that. He was still laughing about going ahead with this whole thing. He said that he will work hand in chubby hand with Dominic to make this happen.
Robin read through some stories about Barbara Streissand, Jerry Seinfeld, Jiggs the Monkey who played Cheetah in the Tarzan movies and more. Howard said that the monkey seems to be doing even better than he is.
Gary said that the guy was willing to come in if they wanted to meet him. Howard told him to bring him in then. Don Buchwald came in with Rich Frank, the guy from C3. Howard said that Rich is a big guy and just about invented TV.
Howard asked Rich about this company of his and if he's part of Disney. Rich said that he used to be but not anymore. He said they now own 51 percent of E! TV. He said he just wanted to come over and say hello to Howard and the crew. He said that the ratings are great and he's just there to give them a little support. He said they hope he sticks around forever.
Howard asked Rich about what else he's done in the past. He said that he used to run Disney for a while, then he ran Paramount TV for a while. He went over some of the shows that they produced while he was there before. Howard let him go.
Gary came in with another Kathie Lee Gifford update and got Howard talking about her again. Howard seemed to be finding a lot of joy in trying to make her life more miserable. He still thinks that she's going to get divorced within 6 months or so.
Robin got back to her news after that. She had some various stories about a cop who was killed during a family dispute that he responded to, Millie the Dog dying, and one about a woman who fell to her death in a park in Utah. Howard said that a lot of things like that happen when couples go out hiking and the woman ends up falling off a cliff. He said that no one is accusing this guy of killing his wife but that kind of thing does happen once in a while.
Robin read some more stories and wrapped up her news. Howard ended the show around 9:45am (Master Tape Theatre time).