Howard Stern Show News Archives. July 1997

---

---

-- Thursday July 31, 1997 --
• Author Of ''The Bare Facts Video Guide'' On The Phone. 7/31/97. 7:00am
  ''The Bare Facts Video Guide'' is a book that details a lot of movies that have nude scenes with celebrities in them. This guy Craig Hosoda was on the phone to give Howard some of his favorites. Howard said that this was a great idea for a book. He's right because Craig quit his real job because the book sold so well. He now updates the book each year to include new movies. Craig told Howard about 10 movies that are on his top 10 list so here are the ones that I heard:
  • Castaway
  • Cool Surface
  • 52 Pick Up
  • Hot Spot
  • Showgirls
  • Sirens
  • Trading Places
  There were more but I missed them.. Sorry. You can get the book and read all about those movies though. Craig even gives the time that the nudity happens in the movie. Visit his web site at www.barefacts.com

• Mike Gange Back From Jury Duty. 7/31/97. 8:15am
  Some guy called in yesterday claiming that he worked at the courthouse where Mike was serving his jury duty. The guy said that Gange was reprimanded 2 times during his 3 days on the jury. This morning Gange said that the guy was a fake and neither of those things happened. He told Howard about the case which was car theft. The guy who stole the car was an asian guy. 10 of the jurors agreed that he was guilty but the other 2 held out for about an hour before finding the guy guilty.

• The Second Howard Stern Intern Beauty Pageant. 7/31/97. 8:40am
  Three lucky female interns had the chance to compete for the grand prize consisting of a pair of round trip tickets to Paris (courtesy of Tower Air), a bike (Courtesy of Rolling Rock Beer) and a diamond pendant valued at $500 from Fidelity Diamond. The guest judges were Fred the Elephant Boy, Crackhead Bob, Captain Janks and Kenneth Keith Kallenbach who has his own album out now! To order Kenneth's album ''Yeah'' just dial 800-963-3323. Howard and the gang sang an opening song before starting the contest. Each contestant came out dressed however they wanted to but then had to sing a Madonna song for the talent section and then answer a couple of Howard's questions for the personality section. Howard, Robin, Fred, Jackie and Gary were not involved in the judging at all. Here are the contestants and what they did:
  1. Amy - Tulane College
     • Madonna Song Performed: ''Papa Don't Preach'' - Not a great singer...
     • Questions:
       • ''Who in history would you like to meet?'' - Raif Fines from the movie ''The English Patient''
       • ''What was the most exciting day of your life?'' - She said it was when she had a foursome with her friend and 2 guys a few months ago!
  2. Becky - Yale University
     • Madonna Song Performed: ''Material Girl'' - after inhaling helium.
     • Questions:
       • ''How many sex partners should a girl have before marriage?'' - Between 20 and 40! She's had between 5 and 10
       • ''Is penis size important?'' - Yes but she prefers something not too big, not too small.
  3. Jacqueline - Perdue University
     • Madonna Song Performed: ''Like A Virgin'' taking off some of her clothes during the song.
     • Questions:
       • ''Describe your womanly feelings the day you got your first period'' - She said that she got it while watching ''Growing Pains'' and for days after it she just ..''shoved tissues up there''.
       • ''If you had your own talk show name the 3 people you would have on, including historical figures.'' - She said Abraham Lincoln, Brad Pitt and Howard Stern.
  After all of the competition Howard took a break so all of the scores could be tabulated. When they came back it was decided that they would not have a second and third place because they didn't want one girl to be a huge loser. During the commercial Kenneth Keith gave Becky his phone number. Of course she's not going to call him but he gave it a try! Howard also gave everyone's plugs before announcing the winner. Kenneth Keith of course plugged his album ''Yeah'', Crackhead Bob plugged his web site: crackheadbob.com, Captain Janks and Elephant Boy didn't really have anything of their own to plug but all four of these guys will be appearing in Cleveland Ohio at a Private Parts video release party. That will be happening on August 8th at The Odeon. Crackhead Bob also announced that he will be getting married!!! He spent $1600 on an engagement ring. After all of that stuff they got around to announcing the winner. The winner was Becky! I don't know what it was that got the votes but she pulled it off somehow. She said she'll be taking her female friend with her on the trip.

  ---

  -- Wednesday July 30, 1997 --

• Alice. 7/30/97. 6:20am
  A woman from Hollywood California called Howard this morning. She called in to talk to Howard about being half black. She said that she has a lot in common with Howard because she grew up in a black area but felt like she didn't belong there. The way that she talked and her personality got Howard's attention. By the time she had gotten off the phone Howard said that they should have her do movie reviews or something like that. I'm sure we'll be hearing more from her in the future.

• Howard Speaks To Religious Freak. 7/30/97. 7:00am
  Howard gets letters from these religious people who complain about the content of his show. This morning he read one of those letters. It was from a woman who complained that she walked into her 15 year old son's room and heard Howard talking about sex. Howard had Gary look up her number and give her a call. Surprisingly she came on the air. Howard asked her what it was that she heard on the show that offended her so much. She didn't have a good answer for him. She said that she heard Howard talking about sex and being at a Limelight Bar. Howard said that he doesn't go to bars and doesn't even drink so it couldn't have been him on the radio. The whole time she refused to tell Howard exactly what it was that she heard on the radio. Eventually the woman got fed up and said that she had to go care for her young child.

• Mike Gange's Jury Duty. 7/30/97. 7:40am
  Ex-intern turned E! show camera man, Mike Gange, has Jury duty this week. Howard said that Gange has been reprimanded by the Judge 2 times already. First of all he tried to get out of serving by saying that he works on the Stern show and he doesn't have time. That wasn't good enough so he had to show up. Someone who works at the court building called Howard this morning. He said that Gange had his head back and his eyes closed during court and the Judge had to ask him what he was doing. He told the judge that he was just resting his eyes. Then one day they broke for lunch at 1 o'clock. They were supposed to return at 2 but Gange didn't show up until 2:15! It turns out that he fell asleep out on the lawn. The jury that he's sitting on is for a felony charge and he's sleeping!

• Fred To Appear In Another Movie. 7/30/97. 7:45am
  A listener called in to complain about Fred's rambling at a King Norris band show. Fred plays in a band and apparently he goes into long rambling speeches during the show. The caller said that Fred mentioned that he would be appearing in a movie as a ''gay, German, bank robber''. Howard didn't know any of this and asked Fred if it was true. It is true but it's not for a big movie. It's a small independent film. Howard said that Fred doesn't tell him a lot of things. He didn't tell Howard that he changed his name to Eric for 2 years! He would probably wait until the movie was released before he'd tell Howard that he was in it. If Fred ever does make a mention of when the movie is coming out I'll post something here.

• Adam The ''I Am Not Mental'' Guy Comes In. 7/30/97. 8:15am
  This guy has called the show many times before. He's slightly handicapped with seizures. If you listen to the show you've probably heard his famous ''I am not mental'' sound bite. He came in this morning and Howard had a little surprise for him. Since Adam hasn't had a naked woman in front of him in his 23 year existence Howard had a Scores girl come in to strip for him. Adam showed up at the studio with his mom and dad. His mom and dad came in with him but Howard got them to leave before Marina the Scores girl came in. Marina came in and took her clothes off for Adam and he sounded pretty thrilled. She sat on his lap and took off her top for him. He sounded amazed by her beautiful breasts. She wouldn't let him touch her though. Look but don't touch. All of this happened with his parents 2 doors away in the green room. He probably had to yank himself in the bathroom after all of this.

• Sugar Ray Comes In To Perform. 7/30/97. 8:50am
  The band Sugar Ray came in to perform their hit song ''Fly''. These guys came in a couple of years ago when they were still unknown's but they performed a great remake of Howard's childhood song ''Psychedelic Bee''(which he wrote in 6th grade). They're new hit song just went gold yesterday. Today they showed up with a couple of women from a strip club. Howard talked to them for a couple of minutes then they did a live performance of ''Fly''. The strippers danced with Howard during the song. Howard and Robin are happy that they were there before the band hit it big. When they did the ''Psychedelic Bee'' song Howard said that anyone who could take that song and make it sound great really has talent. It looks like he was right. The lead singer's ex-girlfriend called in to tell Howard that she was dumped about a year ago. Maya was on the show the last time Sugar Ray was on. They broke up after Mark the lead singer called his other girlfriend from her house. He's a really good looking guy and now that he's getting really famous he's not going to stay with any woman for an extended period of time. That's fame for you.

• One Lucky Dallas Fan... 7/30/97. 10:00am
  Howard said this morning that he lets one Dallas fan a day listen to the show while on hold for 4 hours. If you're lucky enough to get through on the 800-44-STERN phone line then you may be able to hear a whole show! Try it! You may be the lucky one. It's a toll free call so why not try?

  ---

  -- Tuesday July 29, 1997 --

• German Broadcasters Call Howard About His Movie. 7/29/97. 6:40am
  A couple of German broadcasters, Alf and Seibel, called Howard this morning to give their opinion of his movie. Private Parts was just released over there recently. They both said that they liked the movie but there weren't a lot of people going to see it in the theaters. The two DJ's were a lot like the DJ's here in the states. They were goofy and didn't really have a point to their call. Seibel, the woman, said that she wanted Howard to give her an orgasm just like he did to the woman in the movie. Howard just goofed on her a little bit and got rid of them.

• Snoop Doggy Dogg A Fan Of Howards? 7/29/97. 7:30am
  Some interviewer by the name of Mark from WBCN up in Boston interviewed Snoop Doggy Dogg recently. The guy asked Snoop who he'd like to meet most. Snoop said Halle Berry and then surprisingly said that he'd really like to meet Howard Stern. He likes Howard and told the guy to relay the message.

• Young MC Comes In. 7/29/97. 7:45am
  Remember that rap song ''Bust A Move'' from years and years ago? Well Young MC is the guy who sang that little hit. He used to be a pretty regular guest on the Stern show back in the late 80's. Then when MC wasn't so popular Howard stopped having him on. Young MC got pissed at the show and went around bad mouthing Howard. MC has a new album out called ''Return Of The One Hit Wonder'' so Howard decided to have him in once again. They talked about the old days when Young was getting tons of women and sleeping with strippers. Something happened with Young's parents that he really didn't want to talk about on the show. His mother was killed and it sounds like his father may have been the one who did it. He really tried to avoid talking about it even after Howard just about begged him to. Young is on a new record label but he had to give up the publishing rights to a lot of his old stuff to get out of his other contract. He seems to be happy with the situation though. Howard played a couple snippets of MC's new stuff and it sounded okay. MC hung around for the ''Guess the homeless person's answer'' game to...

• Today's ''Guess The Homeless Person's Answer'' Game. 7/29/97. 8:25am
  Well this is becoming a regular thing on the show. Tower Air gives a pair of round trip tickets to the lucky listener who can get 3 correct answers in this game. Today's round trip ticket is to San Juan. There were new questions today and Stuttering John was the interviewer. The first 3 questions were just to get a feel for the homeless person's knowledge. Here they are:
  1. What city has the Empire State Building? - Homeless guy gave correct answer
  2. Who is Bill Clinton? - Homeless guy gave correct answer
  3. What is a lesbian? - Homeless guy gave incorrect answer
  Howard got a guy on the phone to play the game so here are the questions:
  • How many sides does a rectangle have? - Homeless guy gave incorrect answer
  • What is frozen water called? - Homeless guy gave correct answer
  • What country was Hitler from? - Homeless guy gave correct answer
  • What country was Napoleon from? - Homeless guy gave incorrect answer
  The contestant got his 3 correct answers and won the plane tickets. Howard, Young MC and the rest of the gang continued to play the game but they were taking bets on what the answers would be.
  • Where was JFK shot? - Homeless guy gave correct answer
  • What do Ulysses Grant, Calvin Coolidge and Thomas Jefferson have in common? - Homeless guy gave incorrect answer
  • Who is Batman's sidekick? - Homeless guy gave correct answer
  • Finish this quote 'give me liberty or give me...' - Homeless guy gave correct answer
  • How many kids are in triplets? - Homeless guy gave correct answer
  • Name 2 of the Beatles. - Homeless guy gave correct answer
  • Who painted the Mona Lisa? - Homeless guy gave incorrect answer
  • Who wrote 'Tom Sawyer'? - Homeless guy gave incorrect answer
  • How many hours are in a day? - Homeless guy gave correct answer
  • Who invented the light bulb? - Homeless guy gave incorrect answer
  • What's heavier, 100 pounds of feathers or 100 pounds of gold? - Homeless guy gave correct answer
  While they were playing they found out that Young MC didn't know a couple of the answers to questions. He didn't know who wrote Tom Sawyer and he didn't know who painted the Mona Lisa. The betting was all pretty much around $20 or less per question. What a long game this was!

  ---

  -- Monday July 28, 1997 --

• KEGL YANKS STERN OFF THE AIR IN DALLAS! 7/28/97. 6:15am
  As of last Friday Howard is no longer on KEGL in Dallas Texas. They called Howard's agent on Friday and said that they're taking him off the air immediately instead of waiting until the end of their contract which expires September 5. Fans were calling the station as soon as they realized that Howard wasn't going to be on this morning. Mark, the CIA-Hole from Dallas called Howard early this morning to talk about the horrible news. Howard wanted to hear if KEGL was going to make a statement on the air about what happened so he had Mark play the station over the phone. After listening to a couple of weather forecasts for the Dallas area and a bunch of songs they could tell that KEGL wasn't going to even mention it. Howard even bet Robin that they would play something but he ended up losing $20 to her. A bunch of listeners from the Dallas area called in to mourn the loss. Howard said that if he had thought ahead he would have told the listeners to wear black arm bands and drive around with their headlights on like they're going to a funeral. As of today there is no other station planning on picking up the show in Dallas. Howard doesn't want this to happen in any other cities so he gave some advice to all of the listeners out there. He said that you should support as many sponsors as you can. If you hear a commercial during Howard's show and you can use that service, please do. It keeps the sponsor coming back and means more money for the station that's carrying the show.

• 'A Class Act Escort' Service Come In. 7/28/97. 8:05am
  This guy Bob called in recently to tell Howard about this unique escort business he runs. His women are not prostitutes but they will go to a persons hotel room and masturbate in front of the customer. Bob showed up with some of the women escorts today. Howard said that they were all pretty cute. Since the women are not getting paid to have sex with men it's not illegal like prostitution is. He's had court battles over it and has won. He's been in business for about 5 years and it's going strong. The business is based in Virginia Beach, Virginia. At one point the women went into the middle of the studio and started demonstrating what they do. There was a lot of moaning and lesbian kissing going on. There was also a lot of delay button action happening. If you're interested it'll cost you. They charge from $155 to $175 an hour. You can't touch them but you can touch yourself while you watch. Here's the number: 1-800-952-4259.

• Howard Does A Live Commercial For America Online. 7/28/97. 8:35am
  This may have been a New York market commercial only but it sure surprised the hell out of me. Howard used to do live commercials for Prodigy but today he was talking about AOL like it was the coolest thing in the world. He said that his whole family is on AOL and they use it all the time. Maybe Prodigy gave up their fight. Has AOL converted Howard over from Prodigy? Maybe it's like when Howard had to switch to Windows 95 from IBM OS/2 because of the lack of software support for OS/2. Go figure...

• More ''Guess The Homeless Person's Answer'' Game. 7/28/97. 8:50am
  Howard had another pair of round trip tickets to give away this morning. This time the tickets were to Las Vegas. He got a caller on the line and played the homeless guessing game once again. This homeless person was a woman, a first for the game. Last week Howard gave away a few trips while playing this game. Here are the questions:
  1. Who is the Mayor of New York? - Homeless woman answered correctly
  2. Who are the 2 senators for New York? - Homeless woman answered incorrectly
  3. Do you know who Gianni Versace is? - Homeless woman answered correctly
  4. Do you know who JonBenet Ramsey is? - Homeless woman answered correctly
  The caller got numbers 2, 3 and 4 right. The first one they didn't play so the guy won the contest. Howard, Robin, Jackie and Fred bet on the rest of the questions so here they are:
  • Who is the Vice President of the United States? - Homeless woman couldn't remember
  • What sportscaster cheated on his wife? - Homeless woman didn't know
  • When was the last time you took a bath? - No answer
  • Name one of Donald Trump's wives. - Homeless woman answered 'Ivana' - correct
  • Who's buried in Grant's tomb? - Homeless woman answered correctly
  • When did Columbus discover America? - Homeless woman answered correctly
  • Name 3 Jimmy Stewart movies. - Homeless woman had one movie
  So that was that for today's game.

• More From Dallas. 7/28/97. 9:05am
  All morning Howard was taking calls from upset listeners down in Dallas. Phony phone caller Captain Janks also called in and gave his report about his call to KEGL. Janks said that he got through and asked them what was going on. They've been telling people that they're just following Howard's wish of them giving no comment about the situation. That's not exactly what Howard wanted from them. He just wanted them to say 'No comment' and leave it at that. After Janks called Al Bromley from the Dallas Morning News called to get some statements from Howard. He asked Howard a couple of questions about what he was feeling. Howard says that there's nothing that he can do about it and there's not much else that he can do. Al said that he'll miss the show because he really liked it.

  ---

  -- Friday July 25, 1997 --

• No Private Parts At Drug Mart! 7/25/97. 6:20am
  A listener out in Ohio told Gary that Howard's movie isn't available on video from Drug Mart. Gary checked into the story and found out that the large chain store doesn't carry any Howard Stern related products because they're not ''family oriented''. Howard had Gary check to see if they carry other R rated movies. They do carry ''Striptease'' which is a movie in which Demi Moore gets naked. They also sell cigarettes and alcohol. It's kind of like Wal Mart who banned Howard's book from their stores but they sell guns. Weird logic...

• The Mike Walker Game. 7/25/97. 7:15am
  This week's guest contestant was a person by the name of Randy Steele. Randy is now the first person to have appeared on the show as both a man and a woman! Randy used to be a man but now he's sort of a woman. He was on the show years ago when he was part of a pirate radio show that broadcast from a ship off the coast of Long Island New York. Now he's back as a woman or something kind of resembling that. He has hormone induced breasts and a scar on his pelvis that he calls a vagina. So anyway, he was the guest contestant for the game so here are this week's 4 stories, one of them is fake so try to guess which one it is:
  1. Courtney Love says that Gianni Versace is already visiting her from his grave. One of her Versace dress' has mysteriously appeared and disappeared from her closet.
  2. Comedian Don Rickels had a desert plate thrown at him after offending some woman at a recent show.
  3. Brad Pitt tried to pay for a dinner with an autographed napkin after forgetting his wallet at a movie set. The payment was refused and he had to have someone bring his wallet to him.
  4. Dean Cain, ABC TV's Superman, threw a tantrum when he found the change missing from his ashtray upon getting his car back from valet parking.
  Randy the he/she picked number 2 as the false story, Robin picked 1, Jackie picked 1, Fred picked 4 and so did Howard. The actual false story was number 3.

• Stern Show Trivia Game, The Final Round. 7/25/97. 8:00am
  The three people who won the trivia games earlier in the week all came in to play for the grand prize of a Toshiba wide screen tv and a DVD player. There were 2 guys and one woman, Jim, Gary and Yvonne. The rules for today's game were whoever gets the most correct answers out of five questions wins. Here are the questions and the person who answered correctly:
  1. ''Who beat Jackie The JokeMan on Star Search?'' - ANSWER: ''Steve O'' - Jim
  2. ''Robin was once handcuffed to a..'' - ANSWER: ''Refrigerator'' - Gary
  3. ''Guess who's the Jew is hosted by...'' - ANSWER: ''Kurt Waldheim Jr'' - Yvonne
  4. ''What is Jackie's Wife's name?'' - ANSWER: ''Nancy Sirianni Martling'' - Yvonne
  5. ''What celebrity did Stuttering John ask 'Did you ever fart in the catcher's face?''' - ANSWER: ''Ted Williams'' - Jim
  At this point there was a tie between Jim and Yvonne so they had to have a tie breaking question:
  • ''What is Robin's middle name?'' - ANSWER: ''Ophelia'' - Yvonne
  So Yvonne won the wide screen TV and DVD player and the two guys got their choice of some lame runner-up prizes. The other prizes were like 6 CD's or concert tickets or a $250 gift certificate to a Ski shop. Yvonne was plugging a comic book that she writes and draws called ''Bathroom Girls'' if you want to go check it out. She draws a lot of adult oriented stuff.

• Adam West Comes In/Jade The 18 Year Old. 7/25/97. 8:40am
  Adam West, the original TV Batman, came in to plug an appearance that he'll be making at some guitar show at the Valley Forge Convention Center in Pennsylvania this weekend. He'll be appearing on Saturday between 12 and 4 with the original Batmobile. Howard asked Adam about his old Batman days and if he still has the original costume. Adam still has three of the costumes and one of the Robin costumes. Howard offered to buy one of the suits but Adam isn't selling right now. Earlier in the morning an 18 year old girl called in and asked to come in and get naked for Howard. She showed up in time to meet Adam West and to play a game with him. Howard originally wanted to have her strip when a wrong answer was given. The problem was that she looked like she was 14 years old and she didn't have any identification on her to prove her age. Howard didn't want to get in trouble so he just had her play a game for a prize. She's a pretty messed up kid from some of the stories she was telling about growing up. She's been having sex since the age of 12 and she was kicked out of her house at one time. She played a game where Howard would ask Adam a Jeopardy type question and she would have to guess whether or not he would get it right. She got 1 out of the 5 questions right. After Adam left Howard interviewed 18 year old Jade and her 31 year old boyfriend. It turns out that they just met about a week ago. He was driving along and saw her walking. He asked her if she needed a ride and the rest is history! The boyfriend is a bad stutterer and he does some kind of voice-overs or something like that. Howard really didn't want to see her naked after hearing that she really doesn't like being alive. She said that she'd never kill herself though. Eventually Howard found out from a cop that the girl really was 18 but he still didn't want to see her naked. Later in the show after they left the studio Jade's mother called in to thank Howard for treating the whole situation the way he did. Jade was still at the station so Howard had her come back in. She and her mother went at it for a little while. Howard seemed to be on the mother's side in the whole argument. It was all one big mess...

  ---

  -- Thursday July 24, 1997 --

• Jason Priestley Calls In. 7/24/97. 6:20am
  Jason Priestley from Beverly Hills 90210 called in to say hi to Howard early this morning. I missed half of the call because I was in the shower and my tape recorder wasn't running. Someone filled me in on the details so here they are (courtesy of Howard(not Stern): Jason was ticked off (tongue and cheek) because he went to Scores and said he was treated really well. They treated him as they would have treated Howard. Jason was thrilled, had a great time. The next morning, his publicist called Jason to ask what the hell he did last night. Some newspaper wrote that Jason Priestley was at a strip club and was drunk and got very rowdy and had to be thrown out. None of it was true! Jason was yelling at Howard because Howard goes so often without anything being written, and here Jason goes, does nothing wrong, and gets written about that he was a trouble maker. It's just not the kind of thing Jason wants to be tagged with -- and only went there in the first place because Howard recommended it to him. He was also talking to Howard about the upcoming season for 90210. They'll be shooting a show in Hawaii so a bunch of the girls will be in bikini's, just what Howard loves about that show. Jason is now single after breaking up with his long time girlfriend Christine Elise. Howard asked him if he's gotten laid since breaking up with her. Jason didn't answer so Howard assumes that he must have.

• Comedian Robert Shimmel Calls In. 7/24/97. 8:20am
  This guy had some interesting stories to tell. He auditioned for the part of George Costanza in Seinfeld. One reason he didn't get the part was because while he was waiting to do the audition a guy asked him what he thought of the script. He said that whoever wrote it doesn't know what they're doing, it didn't have a first act, a second act or a third act. But the guy he was telling it to was Larry David, one of the writers of the script. He also told some other stories about going on auditions and saying things that got him kicked right out of the building. The stories were really funny but I can't do them justice by typing them here.

• Eleanor Mondale Comes In. 7/24/97. 8:35am
  If you've watched E! Television at all you've probably seen Eleanor hosting a show or doing reports. She's the daughter of politician Walter Mondale. She came in to visit with Howard this morning. She didn't really have anything to plug other than the fact that she's on E! and also on CBS This Morning. She had her own show on E! but it was canceled not too long ago. Howard heard a rumor about Eleanor one time so he asked her if it was true. The rumor was that she had sex with Arnold Schwartzenegger at one time. She said that she didn't have intercourse with him but she did date him back in 1979 when she was 19 years old. Arnold was like 32 at the time. She said that she did other stuff with him but didn't go all the way. Before she left she said that her brother is running for Governor of Minnesota. Howard's competition in Minneapolis/St. Paul, Tom Barnard, is endorsing the guy running against Ted Mondale. So automatically Howard is endorsing Eleanor's brother Ted. If you're a fan from that area make sure you vote for Mondale and not the other guy. Howard asked Eleanor for a kiss before she left. She didn't object so they went at it for a minute. Howard said that she was shaking because she was so nervous. Howard got aroused by the kiss... but then again he gets aroused by the console he sits behind...

• ''Stern Show Trivia'' Game, Day 3. 7/24/97. 8:36am
  Right after Eleanor Mondale came into the studio Howard decided to play today's trivia game. Today's question was: ''Fred was at one time rumored to have worn two or more of what?''... It took a few callers before someone knew the correct answer of ''2 watches''. He used to wear a digital watch and an analog watch at the same time for some odd reason that he explained after the game. It had something to do with the timing of commercials or something.

• Robin's Boyfriend On The Phone. 7/24/97. 9:20am
  Howard picked up a phone call from Mr. X this morning and started to go off on the guy. He told him that he had no reason to call anymore because Howard gave up after Mr. X took his queen in the chess game. Mr. X said that he wasn't the one who called. Gary had John make the call to him for some reason. Howard said he was sorry but continued to call him names. After Mr. X was off the phone he was still calling him a ''pussy'' along with some other things. Howard's really upset that he lost the way he did.

• Howard's Visit With New Jersey Governor Christie Todd Whitman. 7/24/97. 9:25am
  The Governor of New Jersey requested to see Howard's new studio so she did just that yesterday after the show. Howard helped get the governor hired a few years back. Governor Whitman was the first candidate to call in on the show so she got Howard's backing and squeaked out the win. She showed her gratitude by dedicating a rest stop to Howard but it turned out to be very controversial. The plaque from the rest stop was stolen but now Howard has possession of it. Anyway, Governor Whitman saw the new studio and even took pictures with the interns.

  ---

  -- Wednesday July 23, 1997 --

• Visit CRACKHEADBOB.COM!!! 7/23/97.
  ''That's It!'', Crackhead Bob has his own web site now. You can get Crackhead Bob t-shirts and hats or join his fan club and get an autographed picture of Bob! You also get a bumper sticker and a window sticker when you join the fan club. If you're a fan of Bob's then head on over now! www.crackheadbob.com

• Howard Cleans His Pores. 7/23/97. 6:05am
  First thing this morning Howard tried out a new product that he saw advertised in some magazine. The stuff is called ''Biore'' and it's some kind of tape that you put on your nose to pull out all the blackheads and other crap that might be in there. The guy who sells the stuff came in to show Howard and the gang how to use it. They put this tape like stuff on their noses after wetting them down. Then they had to sit there for about 10 minutes while it dried. Once it's dry they peal it off and see what they had hiding in the pores. Gary's was the worst. His had all kinds of crap and little hairs. Howard and Robin both had pretty clean noses. Fred was the second dirtiest and I think Jackie was fairly clean. Some guy called in during this whole thing and told Howard that the stuff burned his friends nose but Howard went ahead with it anyway.

• ''Stern Show Trivia'' Game, Day 2. 7/23/97. 7:35am
  Yesterday Howard started playing a couple of games with the listeners. The prize for this game is the chance to come down and play more trivia games against 2 other winners on Friday. Today's game was ''Spell Gary's last name''. The first guy to play got it correct. The correct spelling is: Dell'Abate. or.. Capital d, little e, l, l, apostrophe, big a, little b, a, t, e.

• Albany Station Not On Air On Time. 7/23/97. 7:45am
  ''Oh no, here we go again..'' is what Howard said when a listener called in complaining that the Albany N.Y. Station wasn't on the air earlier in the morning. The board operator didn't make it in to work this morning so the mid-day guy came in to get the show on the air. He called in around 7:45 to give this information to Howard. This same thing happened about a year and a half ago when the Albany Producer needed to go to rehab. Howard thought the situation was fixed but it looks like it's happening all over again. Hopefully this wont happen again.

• The Guy Who Had Sex With A Dolphin Comes In. 7/23/97. 7:45am
  Howard recently mentioned that he read an article about a guy who slept with a dolphin. The guy came in to be interviewed this morning. He was disguised when he came in of course. The guy was a little bit strange to say the least. He explained how he ''made love'' to a dolphin in some shallow pool down in Key West Florida. He said that he had to ''bond'' with the dolphin before getting laid. Some woman called in during the interview and said that the guy was the publisher of the magazine that the article was written in and that he was just scamming Howard. The guy denied it though, so who knows. It was a very strange segment all together. If it was April 1st I'd say that it was a joke...

• Stuttering John And Crackhead Bob On The Grassy Knoll In Dallas. 7/23/97. 8:10am
  Stuttering John was still down in Dallas today but Crackhead Bob was down there with him. They were hanging out on the Grassy Knoll near the spot where John F. Kennedy was assassinated. A bunch of fans were hanging around with them also. Howard had Bob making some unintelligible statements since he's being kicked off KEGL in September.

• ''Guess The Homeless Guy's Answer'' Game, Day 2. 7/23/97. 8:25am
  Rule change from yesterday. Today the contestant has to get 3 out of 5 questions right to win a round trip to San Francisco courtesy of Tower Air. The contestant got her 3 out of 5 answers and won the tickets. She hadn't even called in to play the game though. She wanted to ask Howard if she should cheat on her husband or not. She's been with him for 15 years and married for 3 of them. Her husband thinks she cheats on him but she doesn't. Howard told her to go ahead and do it! What the heck, why not? Howard thinks that after a certain amount of time together, couples should be able to cheat. She thinks that it might be too much of an effort to find someone. So maybe she will cheat on the guy. So anyway, here are some of the homeless guy's questions and his answers: Who is the mayor of New York? Homeless guy gave correct answer. Who are the two senators for New York? Homeless guy gave incorrect answer. Do you know who Gianni Versace is? Homeless guy gave incorrect answer. Do you know who Jon Benet Ramsey is? Homeless guy gave incorrect answer. Who is the Vice President of the US? Homeless guy gave incorrect answer. Who's buried in Grant's tomb? Homeless guy gave incorrect answer.

• Howard Cuts Homeless Girl's Hair. 7/23/97. 9:15am
  Some homeless girl came in to have Howard shave her head. She actually showed up yesterday but Howard didn't have time to do it so she came back today. She's been homeless since the age of 12. She's actually a squatter so she finds places to live but doesn't pay for them. She mentioned something about her car breaking down so I guess she has one or had one. When she first showed up she was all ready to have her head shaved. Howard wasn't so sure about doing it so he told Gary that maybe he should do it. Eventually Howard decided to do it himself. She told him that she wanted everything except her bangs cut off. Howard put on some plastic gloves and started sheering off her hair. Gary said that she started to look all bummed out so Howard stopped. Gary was supposed to finish during a commercial break. She got even more bummed out while that was happening. After the break she said goodbye and left.

  ---

  -- Tuesday July 22, 1997 --

• Game Day! 7/22/97. 7:20am
  Today was game day all right. Howard had some prizes to give away so they played some games. The first game was called ''Try to figure out what the homeless guy is going to do''! Howard had tape of interviews with homeless people. The goal for the contestant is to guess what the homeless guy's answer will be. If the contestant gets 3 out of 10 questions right then he wins a round trip ticket to Los Angeles on Tower Air. The first contestant won. He got his three answers correct after 4 of the questions. Here are some of those questions:
  1. Who is the mayor of New York? Homeless guy gave correct answer.
  2. Who are the 2 senators for New York? Homeless guy gave incorrect answer.
  3. Do you know who Gianni Versace is? Homeless guy gave correct answer.
  4. Do you know who Jon Benet Ramsey is? Homeless guy gave incorrect answer.
  Of those 4 questions the contestant got numbers 1, 2 and 4 correct so he won the round trip to L.A. Howard played the tape of the rest of the homeless interview and made bets with the rest of the crew. Here are the rest of the questions:
  • Who is the Vice President of the U.S? Homeless guy gave incorrect answer.
  • Name the TV host who cheated on his wife. Homeless guy gave incorrect answer.
  • When was the last time you took a bath. There is no good answer for this one...
  • Name one of Donald Trumps ex-wives. Homeless guy gave incorrect answer.
  • Who's buried in Grant's Tomb? Homeless guy gave incorrect answer.
  • When did Columbus discover America? Homeless guy gave incorrect answer.
  • Name 3 Jimmy Stewart movies. Homeless guy gave incorrect answer.
  So that was that for the first contest... There's more later in the show.

• Stuttering John In Dallas. 7/22/97. 7:50am
  Stuttering John went down to Dallas to say goodbye to the listeners and fans for Howard. He was at a train station telling people that Howard isn't going to be on anymore and interviewing them about that fact. Later in the show he was at a McDonald's doing the same. A few people who got on the phone were a little upset but some people really didn't care. Howard had John head over to KEGL to get a statement from management. Howard got back to him around 9:05.

• Howard VS Robin's Boyfriend... The Final Moves? 7/22/97. 8:40am
  Well the game may be over and it looks like Robin wont be getting married. Howard made his move this morning and the next thing he knew his Queen was being taken by Mr. X. Howard said that he couldn't see the board from where he was standing so he made the wrong move. Mr. X wasn't going to let Howard take the move back so they argued a little bit and Howard finally just gave up the game. Here are the final moves:
  • Howard - Queen to F3
  • Mr. X - Rook takes Queen
  Howard said that he wanted to move to G4 but the board was so far away that he couldn't see the right spot. Mr. X had to run and get off the phone so Howard bitched and moaned after he left. He called Mr. X a prick! He said that he doesn't like him anymore and he doesn't trust him. I think he may just be a sore loser... This may not be the end of the game though. Mr. X may give the move back but we'll have to wait and see.

• Another Game: ''Stern Show Trivia''. 7/22/97. 8:55am
  The prize for this game was an invitation to come to the studio on Friday and play another trivia game against 2 more people. The question was: ''Who left '..welcome to my nightmare..' on Gary's answering machine?'' Surprisingly it took a while to find a person who knew the answer. Finally a woman called in with the correct answer of Joey Ramone. The woman on the phone was a 24 year old who said she'd wear something sexy when she comes in on Friday. The grand prize for that contest is a 40 inch TV or $4,000.

• Stuttering John Invades KEGL! 7/22/97. 9:05am
  Stuttering John had to make his way into the KEGL building without his camera crew. Security at the building wouldn't let him in with the camera so he just brought his cellular phone up. He made his way up to the 14th floor and tried to get into the station to ask someone to make a statement. Some guy in the research department wouldn't let him in. John spent about 5 minutes trying to reason with the guy but he wouldn't give in. Howard told John that he's technically an employee of the station so they should let him in. The guy still wouldn't budge. Howard wanted John to go in and interview the board operator to see what the guy's going to do after the show goes off the air. John finally made it to the board op's door but that guy was still blocking him. After a while a cop and some security guys showed up where John was at to kick him out. John tried to reason with security and the cop but it was no good. He never got a statement...

• KEGL Public Relations Woman Calls Howard. 7/22/97. 9:45am
  Audrey, from KEGL Public Relations, called Howard and tried to give some lame explanations about why John wasn't allowed in. At the time John was there the offices weren't open so they kicked him out. She invited him to come back later in the morning so that he could talk to whoever he wanted to but Howard said it was too late. Then Howard talked to the woman about the way they're handling the canceling of the show. They're saying that Howard isn't bringing in enough money to justify his six figure salary. Howard kept telling the woman that they should be telling people ''NO COMMENT'' instead of bad mouthing him. She just stayed calm and tried to smooth things over with him. She just didn't get it. He did some role playing with her to see what she'd say to people if they asked why Howard was being taken off the air. Each time she'd give the wrong answer like ''we're changing to an all rock format..''. All Howard wants is for her to say ''NO COMMENT''. He must have spent 20 minutes pounding that into her head. It would be interesting to find out if they're saying that yet...

  ---

  -- Monday July 21, 1997 --

• Howard VS Robin's Boyfriend... No Move Today. 7/18/97.
  No moves in the big chess game today. Maybe tomorrow. The chess page has been reorganized so check it out when you get a chance.

• Grillio's Television Acting Debut. 7/21/97. 6:15am
  Steve Grillo will be on TV in the near future. He got an acting job! Well, it's not much of one really. He's in a commercial for some ''Roller Bowler'' game or something. The commercial will be on in the New York, New Jersey, Connecticut area. I'm sure it's just the beginning for him... The beginning of the end that is.

• Stacey, The Ex-Hooters Girl Comes In. 7/21/97. 7:45am
  This woman Stacey Rucker was supposed to come in and sing a song for Howard while naked. Gary said that the first time he spoke with her she refused to do it but then called back and agreed to sing her song naked. She showed up today and was still saying that she'd do it naked. Well she got into the studio and within a few minutes she was saying that she wasn't going to do it. She said that she really did plan on doing it but when she got into the studio she got scared. Stacey used to be a Hooters girl and even appeared in Playboy magazine naked but she wouldn't sing her stupid song naked. Howard told her that if she didn't get naked he wouldn't let her sing. The whole deal was that she'd get naked and he'd let her sing. She tried to get out of that deal but Howard wouldn't give in. She got pretty upset over the whole thing too. Howard took calls from listeners and they told Howard to boot her ass right out of the studio if she wouldn't stick to the agreement. Eventually Howard started making more deals with her. They finally agreed to this: If her song sucked according to 3 listeners then she'd have to show her breasts to Howard. She gave in and performed her awful song out of key. The song just plain blew. She can't sing and she didn't put any effort into it. Howard took some calls and of course she ended up showing her breasts. Then her excuse was that the fully produced version of the song was much better so Howard agreed to play it if she'd stand out on the street with a sandwich board on her that said ''I'm an idiot''. The song sounded just as bad as the live version! So eventually she was out on the street surrounded by a bunch of fans. She even sang the song some more out on the street. At one point a record company guy by the name of Harvey Leads called in and told Stacey how bad she was. I guess she wont be getting a record contract any time soon.

• Private Parts Hits Video Stores Tomorrow! 7/21/97.
  Howard's movie ''Private Parts'' will be released on video tomorrow but I've heard that it will be ''priced for rental'' which means that it's not going to be one of those $24.95 specials down at the local K-Mart. I don't know the actual price but don't be shocked if it's more than $80.

  ---

  -- Friday July 18, 1997 --

• The Mike Walker Game. 7/18/97. 7:10am
  Every week now Howard has a guest or two play along with the Mike Walker game. This week it was two Met Rx women. Met Rx is one of those power bar things. The two women, Debbie and Kelly came in to meet Howard and to bounce quarters off his ass.. more on that later. So here are the 4 stories for this week. One of them is false. Try to pick it out.
  1. ''Men In Black'' star Linda Fiorentino won her part in the movie in a Poker game.
  2. Sean Penn freaked out when his wife Robin Wright was hit in the head with a baseball by some teenagers.
  3. Erik Estrada, former star of ''CHiPs'', pulled over and helped a stranded motorist that no one else would help.
  4. Actor Mike Myers was donating his Austin Powers to some Planet Hollywood when he knocked over a mannequin. It knocked some guy out and now the guy is threatening to sue Mike.
  First to guess was Debbie. She chose number 4 as the fake, Kelly chose number 1, Robin chose 1, Howard chose 4, Jackie chose 4 and Fred picked number 2. The actual fake story was number 4, the Mike Myers story. Howard, Jackie and Kelly all got it right. After the game the two women wanted to bounce quarters off Howard's ass since he claims that it's really tight now, not like it was back when he was Fartman on the MTV music video awards. Howard didn't want to pull down his pants so he had the women do the quarter thing on each other. Of course the quarters didn't bounce at all off of either of their butts. Howard didn't seem to mind because he got to see some nice toned butt cheeks anyway.

• Author/Virgin Tara McCarthy Calls In. 7/18/97. 7:40am
  Tara wrote a book about her sex life or lack of one as the case may be. The book ''Been There, Haven't Done That'' is about how Tara wants to remain a virgin until she's married. The thing is that she does just about everything except intercourse. She gives guys oral sex but just wont allow them to go all the way with her. Howard spoke with her about how strange that is and how she must be totally confused about sex. Howard said that the whole thing just didn't make sense to him. Robin was really coming down on her also. Tara dates guys for long periods of time and then the guy will get sick of not getting sex so he'll break up with her. Then she says that she didn't trust him anyway. Howard said that she must be testing these guys for some strange reason. Since Tara was on the phone and there was an E! camera at her house he asked her to get the cameraman on the phone. It turned out to be Doug from E!. He rated her an 8 1/2 on a scale of 1 to 10. Howard said the book is pretty good but it's just a weird lifestyle to follow. About 15 minutes after getting off the phone with Tara Howard got a call from Doug saying that Tara was upset with the way Howard and Robin treated her. Howard told Doug to get Tara and bring her down to the studio. They must have been close because she was there by 9:45. Howard spent some more time talking with her about the whole thing and I think he calmed her down. She ended up sitting in during the news.

• Howard VS Robin's Boyfriend... Move 14. 7/18/97. 8:15am
  Here are today's moves:
  • Howard - Knight to King 5
  • Mr. X - Castle
  Howard was about to make a second move but he said that he couldn't see the board from where he was sitting. I think he just said that so he could have a little more time to think about it.

• Fazz The AIDS Healer On The Phone. 7/18/97. 8:20am
  This guy who claims to have healed Magic Johnson of his HIV virus was on the phone with Howard. Fazz, I'm not sure of the spelling, says that he can heal anyone of the HIV virus within a month. He's willing to prove it on the show so he offered this challenge: Fazz will heal 10 AIDS patients of their sickness or Howard can hang him in the studio! It sounds like we're going to be the first people to hear a hanging on the air huh? Fazz says that he writes some holy words on a piece of paper then puts the paper in some water. The patient drinks the water for one week, then the virus somehow vanishes. The guy has a Pakistani accent but he was almost understandable as he rambled on about his talent. The guy must not be too much of a nut because he's some kind of laser technician. Stay tuned fore more on this story!

• Live Performs Live. 7/18/97. 8:55am
  Alternative rock band Live came in to perform a couple of songs this morning. Things didn't go too smoothly at first. Howard interviewed the guys for a few minutes and then found out that the equipment wasn't working correctly. Scott The Engineer was trying to fix it while Howard was yelling at him but still nothing worked. Howard took a commercial break and things were fixed during that time. After the break Live performed ''Turn My Head'' from their latest album then they did ''I alone'' from their last album. As Howard put it.. ''..they kicked ass..'' They really did sound great in my opinion.

• Steven Baldwin Calls In. 7/18/97. 9:50am
  Steven Baldwin called in during Tara the Virgin's studio appearance. He called to ask Howard if he wanted to go see some heavy metal band with him tomorrow night. Howard told him he might be interested and said he'd give him his phone number. At first he was going to put him on hold and have Gary give him the number. But then he decided to goof on the guy. He said that he'd give him the number and bleep it off the air. He gave him Jackie's joke line - 516-922-9463 - instead of his real number. He usually saves that joke for some nutty listener who wants to hook up with him when he's off the air. It would be great to see Steven's reaction when he calls that line. Howard tried calling it as soon as he got off the phone with Steven but it was busy. A bunch of listeners must have thought Howard actually gave out his number.. dopes...

  ---

  -- Thursday July 17, 1997 --

• Robin's Going Shopping For A Wedding Dress! 7/17/97. 6:05am
  Next Monday Robin is supposed to go out and look at wedding dresses with a few of her friends. Howard found this out from his wife who will be going on the shopping trip. Howard kept asking Robin about this through the whole show because it's such an unusual thing to do unless she's planning on getting married. She says she's not going to get married, it's just something to do with her women friends. Howard bugged her so much during the rest of the show it sounded like she might cancel the trip. I guess we wont know until next week.

• Croix The Wacky Old Lady Comes In. 7/17/97.
  Croix has been on in the past and she always has some bizarre stories to tell. Today's visit was to inform certain celebrities that she's ready to file a lawsuit against Ronald Reagan because he stole some plans for a Martian nuclear waste incinerator and plans for a Muhammed Ali nightclub from her... She says that she ''architected'' a couple of things years ago and President Reagan stole the plans from her... it may be time for a straight jacket. Croix rambled on and on about that crap and the secret service. Where do these people come from?

• Insane Clown Posse Come In. 7/17/97. 8:05am
  These two white rappers were recently dropped by Hollywood records, a Disney owned company, for some strange reason. They were in the news a couple of weeks ago. Today they showed up in full clown makeup. It turns out that they both dropped out of school at a young age and now they're millionaires.. at least that's what they claim. Howard interviewed them and played a few seconds of one of their songs. They're more than thrilled to have so much money since they dropped out of school. One of them gave up when he was like 6 years old and the other dropped out when he turned 16. Howard took phone calls after playing part of their song and it sounded like most of the guys hated them and a few women loved them. It was pretty strange. Their contract with Hollywood records was bought out by Island Records so the album will be released sometime in August.

• Belinda Carlisle Comes In. 7/17/97. 9:00am
  Belinda Carlisle, former lead singer of The Go Go's, came in to plug a new album she has coming out. Belinda lives in England now with her husband and son. Howard tried getting into some sex talk with her but she just didn't want to talk about it on the air. The interview was kind of boring. Belinda's new album ''Woman And A Man'' should be available here in the states now. She said it did well in other parts of the world. Howard played a little bit of the first single, ''In Too Deep'', and it sounded like a leftover from the mid 80's. So if you like that sound then maybe you'll like this album.

• Howard VS Robin's Boyfriend... Two More Moves 7/17/97. 9:05am
  Mr. X called in while Belinda Carlisle was being interviewed. Here are today's moves:
  • 1) Howard - King's Bishop to Queen 3
  • 1) Mr. X - Knight takes Bishop
  • 2) Howard - Pawn takes Knight
  • 2) Mr. X - King's Rook Pawn to King Rook 3
  If you want to see what the board looks like visit my chess game page!

  ---

  -- Wednesday July 16, 1997 --

• Private Parts Wins Czechoslovakian Film Festival. 7/16/97. 6:10am
  Howard read an article about how his movie won an award in the first film festival it was entered in. The only strange thing was that it was in Czechoslovakia! The people over there loved the movie and cheered when it won the award. Howard is hoping that the movie will win some awards here in the United States when it comes time. ''..at least an MTV award..'' he said.

• The Guy Who Has www.tombarnard.com Calls In. 7/16/97. 6:25am
  This guy has had a negative Tom Barnard(Howard's competition in Minneapolis MN) web site up and running for a few months now. He called in to tell Howard that Barnard's people have been sending him e-mail telling him that he obtained the domain name illegally. They're full of crap because anyone can get the rights to the name if they have the $100 registration fee. Howard told the guy that he should turn the web site over to him so Barnard's people have to ask him for the domain name rights. Howard wants to turn it into a really negative site so Barnard's (and Howard's) fans can see what a fraud he is.

• Howard VS Robin's Boyfriend... Two Moves Today! 7/16/97. 8:35am
  Well they finally got around to playing again and they actually made 2 moves today! Here are today's moves:
  • 1) Howard - Castle on King side
  • 1) Mr. X - Knight takes Knight
  • 2) Howard - Bishop takes Knight
  • 2) Mr. X - Queen's Pawn to Queen 4
  Howard said that he wasn't expecting Mr. X's move of Knight takes Knight.

• Howard's Big 'How To Get Laid' Plan. 7/16/97. 8:40am
  Howard was teasing the audience this morning by saying that he had a great way for the listeners to get laid. Well it turned out to be a way for only 1 listener to get laid. This woman wrote to Howard and told him that she'd be willing to do anything for a man who would get her breast implants. The woman, Jolean, has a problem though. 10 years ago her boyfriend shot her in the head! She's still very attractive according to Howard. She just can't walk or control her left side very well. Howard said that she looks like Julia Roberts when she's sitting down. She used to be a model years ago also. One plus is that she has no gag reflex so she can shove her fist down her throat without gagging. So anyway Jolean says that she's looking for a sugar daddy to pay for her implants. She's willing to do anything that doesn't cause ongoing pain. I can't imagine what that might be but she doesn't want it. Howard interviewed her for a few minutes and said that he'd take phone calls after a commercial break. When they came back there were plenty of guys willing to pay the 4-5 thousand dollars for the implants just to get this woman. The first guy was a CD-Rom producer from Boston who said he has the money but he'd like to see her first. The next guy was a Liquor store owner who makes around $200,000 a year. He was a funny guy and Jolean said she'd like to meet him. While the guy was on hold another phone call came in. This was a plastic surgeon who offered to do the implants FREE! One of his employee's was listening to the show and told him about it so he made the offer. So now Jolean doesn't have to sleep with anyone to get her implants. That wasn't the end of the story though. Howard kept asking Jolean if he could see her breasts now so he could get a before and after look. She really didn't want to do it but eventually showed Robin. Her breasts must have looked odd because Robin went into a fit of laughter after seeing them. Even Jackie was laughing hysterically for some reason. I don't know if he saw them or if he just laughed because Robin was laughing. In any case, it sounds like she could really use those implants.

  ---

  -- Tuesday July 15, 1997 --

• Howard VS Robin's Boyfriend... No Moves Today. 7/15/97.
  No reason why they didn't get to the game today. They had plenty of time to do it but they never got around to it.

• Mary McCormack Sits In During The Show. 7/15/97. 7:25am
  Howard's movie wife Mary sat in during the show today. She's in New York doing some movie so she came in. She's really quiet. So quiet that if Howard hadn't mentioned the fact that she was sitting there you wouldn't know she was there.

• Sex Story Tuesday. 7/15/97. 6:25am
  The first half of the show was filled with all kinds of weird sex conversations. Howard started off by talking about whether or not a guy is gay if he has any kind of sex with a woman that turns out to be a man. That conversation led to talk about sex with dolphins. Howard read somewhere that sex with a dolphin is supposed to be really good. So that led to a guy calling in and telling a story about how he used to have sex with sheep when he was in high school. The guy explained how he would take the sheep down to a stream about 3 feet deep and do them. He did that until he was caught by his mother! After that story another guy was on the phone to tell Howard about his escort business. These so called escorts don't sleep with their clients though. They just masturbate in front of them so it's not illegal. The client can also masturbate while watching the women if he wants to. The guy said that he'd send a few of the women up to meet Howard. That should be happening in the next couple of days. To keep the theme of the morning going a woman called in with her lesbian story. She was a 19 year old, 5'10'', 134 pound bisexual. She had her first lesbian experience at 16. It wasn't much of a story but it may have been diluted by all of the other sex stories happening earlier in the morning.

• 16 Year Old Chess Champion Advises Howard. 7/15/97. 8:20am
  Robin read a news story yesterday about a 16 year old chess champion in the New York area. Howard had Gary send the kid all of the moves that he and Mr. X had made so the kid could give Howard some advice. Howard had the him on the air today. The kid, Justin Sarkar, told Howard that he's actually in pretty good shape so far. Howard gave Justin a couple of moves he's planning but Justin told him they really wouldn't accomplish anything. Here's what Howard was planning: Pawn to Queen's Bishop 3 or King's Bishop Knight to Knight 5. The kid basically told Howard not to bother with either of those moves since they wouldn't really help him. They'd probably help Mr. X instead. Howard disagreed with him so maybe one of those moves will be the next. Justin wasn't much of a talker on the phone unless he was talking about chess. He's not a listener of the show either but he said his brother listens quite a bit.

• Stuttering John In Harlem. 7/15/97. 8:35am
  Howard wanted to see how black people felt about Mike Tyson being banned from boxing after biting off Evander Holyfield's ear a couple of weeks back so he sent John to Harlem to do some interviews. Howard predicted that most black people would defend Mike Tyson... He was right. John only got 2 guys to come on the air but that was enough. They both said that Tyson's punishment was too harsh. One guy said ''..Tyson IS boxing..'' so he shouldn't be banned for very long. Howard proved his point so he moved on to other things.

• Amy The Intern's Sex Story. 7/15/97. 9:45am
  Amy the intern had an interesting story to tell about a neighbor masturbating outside of her window. She's been living in a New York University dorm room and some strange guy that lived next to the building used to sit outside and stare into her window. A couple of her roommates slept in the room with the window so he would pretend to read a book when he was actually masturbating. The guy recently disappeared from the building so they don't have to see that crap anymore.

  ---

  -- Monday July 14, 1997 --

• Howard's Back From Vacation! 7/14/97. 6:05am
  Howard finally made it back after 2 long weeks of vacation. He started things off by blasting a big fart into the microphone.. That was a hell of a wake up call! Howard said that he didn't go anywhere for vacation. He just stuck around his home and got himself organized. He pointed out that Jackie grew some kind of beard and Fred got a new hair cut. Gary got a tan and Howard said it was kind of disturbing to look at. Nothing new from Robin.. not yet anyway.

• Howard Talks To DJ Booker About Picketers. 7/14/97. 7:00am
  One of the DJ's, Booker, on WXRK in New York caused quite a stir while Howard was away. Apparently he made a comment about Betty Shabazz one day. Very soon after that there were people picketing the station! Booker called in to explain what had happened. He was giving away tickets to something and while he was on the phone with the winner he said that the tickets were hotter than Betty Shabazz. This was the day after the woman died as a result of the injuries she suffered when she was lit on fire by her 12 year old grandson. The comment was in bad taste so he had to make an apology. The station wouldn't let him do it live on the air so he had to make a taped apology. The first 2 weren't good enough so he ended up taping 3 different apologies. Howard pointed out that people will probably hate Booker longer than the 12 year old kid who actually did the crime. There aren't any people picketing the kid who committed the crime.

• Howard Still Not Sure About Movie Role. 7/14/97. 7:25am
  Howard is still in negotiation over a movie role in which he'd co-star with Melanie Griffith. He said that he almost came back from vacation a week early so he could save the time for when he'd be filming. He's been told that he will be doing the role by his agent but then his lawyer told him that it's not set in stone yet. I'm sure he'll give an update when he knows something else. While he was talking about Melanie Griffith he said that he saw some nude pictures of her on the web at www.xxx-rawsex-xxx.com. He said that it's a pay site though so you may not want to bother.

• Stuttering John's Wedding Stories. 7/14/97. 7:40am
  Stuttering John got married during the show vacation and there were plenty of stories to tell today. Robin made a surprising visit to the wedding but she only stayed for about 2 hours. Howard was a no-show. John lost his wedding ring when he went into the water like a dope. The biggest stories had to do with Jackie and his wife Nancy. They both got plastered and ended up doing all kinds of weird stuff. Jackie was performing some of his songs with the band that was playing at the wedding. He just kept going and going even after John asked him to stop. John said that Jackie brought the wedding to a halt with his performance. He was even doing some dirty material in front of young kids and talking about how John's kid was an accident. That was just the beginning though. Stuttering John had to ask Gary to go up and get Jackie off the stage, or whatever he was performing on. About 20 minutes later Jackie came up to Gary and said ''...it was time to get off wasn't it?'' Then later in the evening Jackie got changed into his ''stupid'' pants which are those balloon pants that weight lifters always wear. But he got changed in the middle of a room and he stripped right down to no clothes at all! After that when everyone was watching the Tyson fight Jackie was falling asleep in a hallway. At one point someone was coming out of the bathroom and they kept banging into something. It turned out to be Jackie's head! Nancy had to pull Jackie away from the door to stop the banging. Howard even heard that Jackie's snoring was so loud that people had to leave. Sounds like everyone had tons of fun!

• Howard Talks Ratings In New York And Philly. 7/14/97. 8:20am
  Howard is number one in Philadelphia and New York once again. He was talking to the program director from Philly earlier this morning about how the whole station is number one now. The PD was really thrilled and was cheering at the top of his lungs. Howard just wanted to point out how lame Don Imus is compared to him. Howard gets an 11.6 in Philly where Imus pulls in a .3. In New York Howard gets a 16.1 and Imus gets a 1.1 in the 18-34 year old ratings. In the 25-54 year olds Howard gets an 11.3 and Imus gets a 3.1. Howard wanted to point out that Imus is full of crap when he says that he's number 2 in the ratings. Howard also had an advance copy of an upcoming issue of TV Guide where the tv critic guy bad mouths Imus' MSNBC tv show which was fashioned after Howard's E! show. It was pretty funny to hear how boring that old fart's show is. Keep an eye out for the article.

• The Dallas Nightmare Is Confirmed. 7/14/97. 8:35am
  Well the confirmation came today that Howard wont be on the air after September 5. KEGL sent out a press release saying that his contract wont be renewed. A lot of people out there thought that Howard was pulling some publicity stunt when he started talking about the situation a couple of months back. Well they were wrong. Howard talked to reporter Al Bromley about what was going on. Howard said that he really doesn't know any more than Al does about the whole thing. Howard is still thinking about going down there to do his own funeral. He said if he can't do it himself he'll send a look alike to take his place. The people of Dallas have about a month and a half left to enjoy Howard's show.

• Howard's Movie Reviews. 7/14/97. 8:55am
  Howard got out to see a couple of movies while he was on vacation and he gave his reviews today. He said that ''Men In Black'' sucked and he doesn't know what the big fuss over Wil Smith is. He also saw ''Face Off'' with Nicolas Cage and John Travolta. He said that this was a really good movie even though he's sick of seeing John Travolta in all of these movies. He said that Cage is a great actor. Howard also commented on a movie that he saw on video called ''Crash''. He said that the movie was bad but he enjoyed it. He got kind of sidetracked and didn't expand on that thought. Robin also gave her review of ''Chasing Amy'' which she saw on video. She said that it was good but it took a while to get moving. Howard said that he threw it in the garbage after watching 5 minutes of it. Robin told him to get it again and watch the rest of it. Later in the show Gary gave his movie review for ''Contact'' with Jodi Foster. He really liked it but then Robin said that it was pretty bad. Howard said that he'll probably listen to Gary because he doesn't trust Robin's taste in movies ever since she gave Arnold Schwartzenegger's ''Last Action Hero'' a good review.

• Howard VS Robin's Boyfriend... No Moves Today. 7/14/97. 10:35am
  No moves in the chess game today because Stuttering John forgot to make a phone call to Mr. X. He was supposed to call earlier in the show but around 9:30 he realized that he'd forgotten. By then it was too late to do it. Howard said they'll play tomorrow and wrap up the game.

  ---

  -- Friday July 11, 1997 --

• Best Of Stern. 7/11/97.
  Finally, the last of the Best Of shows for a while.. Here are today's featured selections:
  • Howard talks about his experiences in Viet Nam.
  • Howard tells MC Hammer about his Viet Nam experiences.
  • Mystery guest Michael Cain.
  • Howard reads an article about Gary and his collection of animation cells.
  • Guess Who's The Jew with Kurt Waldheim Jr.
  • The ''If you had a choice, who would you sleep with?'' quiz.
  • Jackie Mason with Melrose Larry Green/Senator Al D'amato calls in.
  • James Taylor sings.
  Come back Monday for new shows!

  ---

  -- Thursday July 10, 1997 --

• Best Of Stern. 7/10/97.
  Featured on today's Best Of Stern:
  • Mike Gange screws up taping Seinfeld for friends of Alison Stern.
  • Howard complains about Alison's ''Gilligan's Island'' sneakers.
  • Larry King comes in to visit.
  • Stuttering John at the ESPY awards.
  • Catherine Falk, daughter of Peter Falk, calls in.
  • A woman on valium calls in and Howard goofs on her.

  ---

  -- Wednesday July 9, 1997 --

• Best Of Stern. 7/9/97.
  Today's Best Of features were:
  • Papa John Phillips comes in for a visit.
  • Howard plays more WNBC tapes:
    • Rank outs
    • Mama Looka Booboo Day
    • Cutting Soupy Sales' piano strings
    • Howard frightens Gilda Radner to tears
    • Phony phone calls to Jack Spector
    • Woman complaining about Howard's use of the word orgasm

  ---

  -- Tuesday July 8, 1997 --

• Best Of Stern. 7/8/97.
  Here are today's Best Of features:
  • Gay people mad at Howard for a bit that he did.
  • Nicole Eggert comes in.
  • Howard plays more WNBC tape of him yelling at Soupy Sales.
  • Howard recreates Mama Looka Booboo Day.
  • Howard complains about Tom Chiusano.
  • Quivers A Life bit.

  ---

  -- Monday July 7, 1997 --

• Best Of Stern. 7/7/97.
  Yes, it's true. Howard is still on his summer vacation for the rest of the week. Here are today's Best Of features:
  • Howard plays old tapes from his WNBC days like..
    • Mr. Nixon's Neighborhood
    • His last day on the air at WNBC
    • Howard yelling at Soupy Sales
    • Match Game 1983
  • Steve Grillo speaking at a college and getting goofed on.
  • Howard calls a retarded citizen organization to apologize.
  • ''The Cardinal vs Earth'' bit with John Cardinal O'Conner.

  ---

  -- Friday July 4, 1997 --

• Best Of Stern. 7/4/97.
  Here are some of today's Best Of features:
  • Robert the possessed guy on coke.
  • Jackie's comedy problems, Polish boycott.
  • Gilbert Gottfried and Israeli broadcasters.
  • Slash from Guns N Roses calls in.
  • Fred's home visited.

  ---

  -- Thursday July 3, 1997 --

• Best Of Stern. 7/3/97.
  Today's Best Of features:
  • Howard argues with Stuttering John about John's album and video.
  • Black Jeopardy with Bawanabe Jones and Malcolm F.
  • Gary screws up getting tickets for the Barney show for Howard.
  • Howard psychically channels Elvis.
  • Robin's robbery story.
  • All In The Pat Cooper Family radio bit.

  ---

  -- Wednesday July 2, 1997 --

• Best Of Stern. 7/2/97.
  Today's Best Of features:
  • Stern Show from the 36th annual Grammy Awards. Interviews with:
    • Tony Bennett
    • Vanessa Williams
    • Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley
    • Sting and wife Trudy
    • Ritchie Sambora
    • Salt and Pepa
    • Donny Osmond
    • and Billy West as Frank Sinatra
  • Gilligan's Island radio play.

  ---

  -- Tuesday July 1, 1997 --

• Best Of Stern. 7/1/97.
  Once again here's today's Best Of features:
  • Howard talks to Boxer Lennox Lewis and his girlfriend.
  • Howard plays tape of Stuttering John at a NAMBLA meeting.
  • Guess Who's The Jew with Kurt Waldheim Jr.
  • Goofing on New York DJ commercials.
  • Guy from Ecuador complains about Howard's language on the air.

Back to:

• Stern Show News Main Page
• August 1997 Archive

Any questions or comments are welcomed and appreciated. E-mail me: marksfriggin.com@gmail.com
Disclaimer: MarksFriggin.com Home Page is run by a fan of the Howard Stern Show. This site is not endorsed by Howard Stern, CBS Broadcasting, Westinghouse or any of its affiliates.

---