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Howard said they're very excited about it and so were the sports announcers. He said she was at a Kansas City game and she was there with Kelce's mother. He said the announcers have a song list for Taylor so they can mention those in their talk ups. He did an announcer voice and talked up some stuff with Taylor's song lyrics.
Richard said they were doing that and now they can be famous mentioning her song titles. Howard said people were going ape shit over her at the game. Robin said Kelce is showing that you should take off your helmet and showing yourself so you can be like him.
Howard said Mahomes must be pissed that he's not dating her. He did his impression of him too. He said he doesn't mean to be coarse but Travis Kelce is fucking Taylor Swift. He said she used to date artist types who are soft. He said you picture him throwing her around on a bed and entering her. He said men are all drunk and jacked up for the game. He said you see Kelce and he's big an muscular. He said he's fucking poor little Taylor Swift. He said you're imagining the songs that will come out from this. He said she may sing about him fucking her real hard. He said that's going to be hard to replace. He said she's so innocent.
Howard did more of his announcer voice talking about Taylor's pelvis being broken because she took it so hard from Kelce. He talked about how he broke her in half literally.
Howard said it's unbelievable. Richard said he's stood next to Travis and he's very large. He said he's all muscle. He said he might be 230 pounds of pure muscle. Announcer Howard talked about her getting a vaginal concussion from Kelce. He made a lot of references to her songs in those announcements. He also had her being pounded to the point she had to be taken away on a stretcher.
Howard said what a story that is. Richard said it's big news. Robin said they had cameras on them from the time she got here until he left. She said they caught them walking out together after the game. She said they weren't holding hands so they mentioned that.
Howard said Patrick Mahomes was asked about the relationship by Erin Andrews. Howard played a clip where Mahomes was talking about that. Howard said he didn't realize how funny he talks.
Howard was still doing his announcer voice talking about all of this. He said he has a gynecologist with them to talk about what she could be going through.
Robin asked if he watched the game or did he find out after. Howard said he found out about it on MSNBC this morning. He was stuck in his announcer voice and still talking about all of things that Kelce might be doing to her. He had her getting on all fours after Kelce scored a touchdown.
Howard said he can imagine Taylor finally getting it from a real man. Robin said she thought Mahomes was making a sexual reference when he said that he had to get Kelce in the end zone.
Howard said he has a montage of the announcers mentioning Taylor and Travis. There were a bunch of mentions.
Howard was back in his announcer voice making up more things about Kelce and Swift banging.
Howard said Richard must have been excited. Richard said he likes that everyone is talking about the Chiefs. He said Travis is an awesome dude so he's excited for him. Robin asked how he knows him. Richard said he's hung out with him. Howard said if he were a young man he'd do everything in his power to date her. He said he'd so anything if he was a young DJ just starting out. Richard started talking over Howard so Howard paused for him but Richard let him go. Richard said it all started with Travis meeting Taylor at one of her concerts and word must have gotten back to her.
Howard said you think that the announcers would say something about that at the game. He said give him some back story. He said they only announce the game and not the relationship.
Robin said you'd think they would have known ahead of time that she was going to be there. She said they should have done some research. Richard said it was rumored that she was going to show up.
Howard said Kelce did score a touchdown. Richard said they went right to Taylor. He said she was chest bumping with a guy there. Richard said Michelle who works there was really excited about that. He said that she's a huge fan of Taylor's. He said that she must know who that guy was.
Howard went back into announcer voice and talked about more wild stuff that the two must be up to. He said Kelce is going to Disney World after the game and that's code for Taylor's vagina.
Robin asked what the other teams are going to do. She said they have to find someone for one of their players to date.
Fred found a version of a Taylor Swift song that a marching band performed. Richard said that's a good fine. Howard sang along as the announcer.
Howard said there you go. Richard said he loves that no other show is announcing this news like Howard is. Howard said thank you. Robin said he's giving the play by play. Howard said if she showed up then they have consummated. He said you know they're fucking. Robin said she's been introduced to the family already. Howard said that's where his mind goes when he sees all of that. He said Travis is a big deal in football. He said he's in the middle of fucking Taylor Swift.
Howard said in his meager sexual history he has had a few women. He said he can't imagine banging Taylor Swift. He said this guy is just a receiver. Richard said he's a tight end.
Howard asked if Travis Kelce is saying he can't get soft now. He said he has to keep this up. He said he can't stop. Richard said he is getting up there in age for a football player. He said he is durable though. Howard said he can't give it up while he's going out with Taylor.
JD said he saw a TikTok where this girl got a call from a friend and she heard that Taylor went to a restaurant and paid foe everyone there to leave the place so she and Travis could be there alone. Richard said she was picking up after herself at the game and they picked that up in the news.
Howard asked what the bigger thing is for Kelce's mother, that he won the Super Bowl or that he's banging Taylor Swift. He did his impression of his own mother talking to him about that. He had her talking about how great she is and how she cleaned up everything at the game. He had mom talking about how she never imagined he could be with such a beautiful woman.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he is a Chicago Bears fan and he had his heart ripped out and stomped on by Taylor Swift yesterday. He said that it wasn't as bad as if she wasn't there. He said the Bears were supposed to be good. Howard said it hurts this guy and it's like rubbing salt in the wound. The caller, Colin, said it is kind of like her saying ''Fuck you, Colin.'' Howard said he can imagine what that would be like. Colin said there were reports that there was a lot of things going on with the Bears. He said it's a shit show.
Howard said it might lift the spirits of the Bears fans if she agreed to date one of them if something goes wrong with Travis. Colin said that would be great.
Richard said Taylor is an Eagles fan. Howard said now she's dating a guy on the Chiefs. He said she can't be for the Eagles now.
Howard said he thinks that she has to skip a few games and go to a playoff game or something. He said he's a Jets fan and he has to make an appeal now for Selena Gomez to fuck one of the Jets. He said maybe that will give them something. He said maybe Olivia Rodrigo. Howard said maybe even Demi Lovato. He said someone. He said maybe Dua Lipa or Ariana Grande. He threw in some of the player names with those celebrities.
Howard took a call from a woman, Amy, who said that this woman is calculated and she's going to ghost him prior to the Super Bowl and the Eagles will win. Richard said here are rumors that's what's going on. Howard said the game was very exciting with her sitting there. Howard said the Dolphins won 70-20 yesterday. Robin said it was just under some record and the didn't go for it. Howard said this is all very exciting. He said the game was very exciting.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Gary is on the phone to get Taylor on the show. Howard said they're always looking to get her on the phone. The caller said they have to ask the big questions. Howard said his man is on it.
Howard said imagine if Dua Lipa was dating Tua Tagovailoa. He said it would be Dua and Tua. He did more of the announcer voice talking about those two.
Howard said he enjoyed Paul. He played some clips from the interview. He played one where Paul was demonstrating his guitar picking style.
Howard said about 9 years ago he decided he was going to learn to either play guitar or paint. He chose painting. He said it takes so much practice to play guitar. He said Paul is really underrated as a guitar player. He said violin and harp playing is really hard and it takes a lot of coordination to learn that. He said it's hard to pick like that too. He said to sit with someone like that is a once in a lifetime thing.
Howard read some feedback about the Paul Simon interview. He said it went on and on. He said he won't read it all. He played Paul playing ''Sounds of Silence'' because someone wrote in saying it made them cry.
Howard said nothing pleased him more than Paul saying that he wasn't a fan of Elvis covering his song. He said he heard from a lot of Elvis fans who asked why he doesn't get Elvis. Howard said he really doesn't get him. He said he loves the Beatles and it was around the same time that Elvis was big. He said he seemed schmaltzy to him. Robin said he was by then. Robin said he wasn't the guy who rocked rock and roll. Howard said he didn't move him that much.
Howard said he and Bill took years to repair their relationship and they eventually got things back on track. He said what he does on HBO is very important. He said he likes his show very much. He said he was pleased that they were getting along well but then he made those comments. He said he doesn't even understand it. He said he wrote an email to Bill about that. He said he told Robin about that. He said he asked him to give him a call. He said he wanted to talk to him about this over the phone. He said he didn't even write that much.
Howard said he's not sure when it was but Bill wrote him. He said Bill said he never got his email when he wrote him. He said he wanted to call him so he asked for his number. He said he and Bill spoke over the weekend. He said he told him about his shock at this commentary. He said he was apologetic. He said they talked for a while and moved on from that. He said that was that.
Howard said Bill seemed to get it. He said he was gracious. He said he said to bill that what he does is so important on HBO. He said it felt good to reach a tentative agreement like the striking writers. He said they're back on good terms.
Robin said she's now sure how they're on good terms if they're not really talking about that stuff.
Howard said friends started to write to him on Sunday. He said people were asking about whatever happened to people having opinions in this country. He said something weird was going on and he wasn't sure what it was. He said then he heard that they wanted him to go after Donald Trump. He said he wasn't sure what was going on. He said his daughter Emily called and they were talking. He said it turns out that Donald Trump made a comment about him at like 3 in the morning. He said he called him a ''broken weirdo'' and said he's not loyal to him. He said he's not even sure what he's talking about but he wrote that stuff about him being ugly and a broken weirdo. He said he was wondering what stirred that up. He said he put it all together.
Howard said a couple of days ago he went on the air and said he's ''woke'' and he's not sure what that even means. He said he said this on the air not thinking anyone would care. He said it shocks him how this stuff becomes news. He said he just said he must be woke because he's not mad at Bud Light for giving a trans girl a can of beer. He said it doesn't impact him and transgender isn't being shoved down his throat at all. He said that's the kind of stuff he was saying during that ''woke'' discussion.
Howard said he's all for the vaccine and he's grateful to the country for providing it to him. He said he loves gay rights and he supports people getting ahead and all of that. He said he's not sure what woke means but the opposite of that is asleep. He said he didn't see any evidence that Trump won the election so he assumes that he lost. He also thinks that Dr. Fauci is a great person. He said the guy devoted his life to trying to prevent viruses from coming to this country. He said he must be woke.
Howard said all of that led to the right wing media going nuts and talking about him. He had a bunch of news reporters talking about what ''woke'' actually means to them. They don't even know what it means.
Howard said no one even knows what it means. He said he says he's woke and everyone freaks out. He played clip after clip of these right wing reporters talking about companies and people ''gone woke.''
Howard said the clip of the woman in the montage where she didn't have a definition was the best. He said she had no idea what it meant. He said politicians job is to run this country. He said it has nothing to do with this woke thing. He said that it's all a joke.
Howard said on FOX News there was a guy defending him saying he's not woke. He played a clip and the guy was saying that Howard doesn't even understand what woke means. He said that Howard's show is still edgy and he's not woke at all. The guy said that he's still edgy.
Howard said that guy, Jesse, is saying he's not woke but the other announcers are saying he is. Howard said he likes being awake and reading the NY Times and all of that. He said that all got Trump charged up and he wrote this thing at 3 in the morning about Howard Stern being a broken loser and not being loyal. He said it's the usual tirade. He said his thought on that was ''What!?'' He said this guy got to be the 45th president and he's sitting there writing about Howard Stern being woke or not. He said that's what the guy is charged up about.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake Trump. Howard let him in to go off on him for a few minutes. Fake Trump repeated the stuff real Trump said about Howard on his Truth Social post. He threw out a bunch of new insults too.
Howard let fake Donald go after 10 minutes or so. Robin said if he gets into an orange jump suit they may not be able to see him.
Howard repeated some of the things that Donald had just said to him. He went through them line after like as if he was reading the script.
Howard said that was his weekend. He said the story went away so he was disappointed. He said a bigger story replaced it. He said there was a story about that General Mark Milley who worked for Trump said they had some big ceremony and they brought in some disabled vet and Trump told him to never bring him again because no one wants to see anything like that. Howard said Trump claims that's fake news of course.
Howard said he was struck by this guy who used to be President being up at 2 in the morning thinking about him. He said he was kind of moved by it and liked it.
Howard took a call from a guy, Mike, who said that he wanted to touch on the Woke thing. He said that's people who know that being a bad human being is a bad thing. He said the right wing wants to keep people who will speak out against their religion to stay out of it. He said Howard and Robin played right into all of that. He said it's really not about the gay and trans stuff. He said there's a lot more to it. Howard cut Mike off and said that if you have to explain a song to him then he really doesn't know what any of it means. He said he'll let other people figure it out. He said he'll be off of this planet soon enough and other people will have to deal with it.
Mike said Howard is still making an impact with people. Howard said he's talking about this Jason Aldean song. He played that ''Try that in a Small Town'' song and said that's what Mike brought up. Howard said he's saying that he's singing about these gangs who are in big cities going to small towns to steal and stuff. Howard said he really has to get out of this conversation. He let Mike go and said he's a good man. He said he doesn't understand politics today. He said don't call him about this shit.
Howard said he was reading about what's going on in Mexico now. He said the kidnappings there are out of control. He said there was this story of a 20 year old woman who was kidnapped and this gang wanted money and the mom had no money. He said the banks will loan you money to pay off a gang. He said the police don't know how to handle it. He said this woman gets her life savings and gives it to the gang and they never return her daughter. He said this guy offers to help for more money and she gives the guy that and nothing happens. He said the story goes on and on. He said it's out of control there. He said there's no government. He said there's no FBI down there. He said we'd be fucked if we got rid of the FBI here. He said leave him out of it all. He said he doesn't know what's going on. He said he can't figure it all out. He said everyone has gone mad.
Howard took a call from a guy, Bacon, who said that they were talking about Howard on FOX News last week. Howard said that's because he said he's woke. He said that's how he got on there. He said that's all he had to do. He said he'll say that every day until he has nothing left to say.
Howard said his titty is itchy now. He said he knows why. He said he went and got an EKG and they had tape on his chest. He said he is allergic to tape. He said whenever they do that he gets itchy. He said that's what happened. He said that he's hairy too and they had to yank the tape off of his chest with the hair.
Howard took a call from one of the constants on The Golden Bachelor. It was Chris Wilding doing his old lady Mildred impression. She was talking about the walk in tub they have in the fantasy suite. Howard spent a few minutes talking to her about the Golden Bachelor. She also brought up the Hospice Suite they have on the show.
Howard let Mildred go and said that was enough of her. He said he should take a break. He said he'll get to more of the fan email later. He said some other things happened over the weekend. He said he and Bill Maher had a conversation and the ex-president attacked him. He said that an old friend of his asked if he ever dreamed that an ex-president would be attacking him some day. He said what a compliment that is.
Howard asked the guys what kind of clip they have. Will said they found a clip from Sean Hannity's show where they talked about how Howard is the only one getting the COVID booster. Howard said he feels good about it. He said don't get it, see how you do. He said science is all bullshit, right? He said you'll be tracked by the government with the tracking devices put in the booster.
Howard said what's crazy to him is that he gets attacked by the woke and non-woke people. He said the woke people don't even like him. He said he gets it from all sides.
Howard said he was going insane back when the FCC was after him. He said he had it coming from both sides there. He said he'd walk around flummoxed over the whole thing. He said someone out there had to stand up for him. He said Senator D'Amato stood up for him and Anthony Wiener stood up for him. He said the other guy was Leiberman. Gary said Congressman Sorano also stood up for him. Howard said he thought that republicans would speak up for him because they're for free speech but even they didn't stick up. He said neither side stood up for him. He said it was all about sex. He said if you talk about sex no one stands up for you.
Howard said he has a ton to get to today. He ran down a bunch of the things he had to get to but he had to take a break first.
Howard asked if Robin did anything this weekend. Robin said she went to Maryland. Howard asked if she was around people who were infected with COVID or RSV. Robin said she has some friends she likes to see. She said it went fine and it was great. She said she went to Rehoboth and met some friends for lunch. Howard asked if she has to see people in person. Robin said she does want to do that once in a while. Howard said COVID is ripping through their office.
Howard said he was out and about himself. He said he was at Nobu on Wednesday. He said his daughter texted him and she knew he was there. He said she knew right away. He said he was everywhere. He said he was in the hospital and didn't wear a mask. He said no one wears a mask anymore. He said he didn't wear one at Nobu. He said he was convinced he was sick but he's not. Robin said she went on with her world and she was fine.
Howard asked Gary how he's doing. Gary said he's great. He said he tested and he's negative as of Saturday. He said he's back to normal. Howard said he'd go that route with the Paxlovid. He said it's a good drug. He said god bless science. He asked if that's woke to say that.
Howard asked where you put Bubba when you set up the tables. Ronnie said that he doesn't want to say who he's sitting with. He said there may be some changes made. He looked to see where Steven Singer will be sitting. Ronnie said he knows he's at a cool table. He said it's very confusing. He was looking at the list. Ronnie said that he's with one of his rich friends. He said he's with the guy who owns Pocono Raceway and John Harris. Howard asked if John is really going. Ronnie said he's been to his house out there already. He said they've been friends for years. Howard asked who Kurt Busch is with. Ronnie said he's with the Vegas people and a big shot from Toyota. He said he's also with one of his rich friends from there.
Howard said every wedding has a loser table. Ronnie said it's really hard. Howard asked who is at the loser table. He asked if JD is at that table. He said he's a big star. Ronnie said JD is with Steve Brandano, Blitt, Wilding, Nowicki, Derek and Michael Flandino. Howard said thanks for the update. Fred did his Ronnie voice for a minute. Ronnie said Steven gave them their wedding bands as a gift so thank you to him. Howard did his live commercial read and went to break.
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Howard came back and talked about the Pink Floyd song and how that's the only song that has parts 1-5. He explained what the song was about and spent a short time talking about Syd Barrett getting kicked out of the band.
Howard said it would have been nice if they could have played songs like this at every station. He said their jobs would have been fun if that was the case. He said what a talk up this song would have been. He said he's not sure how he missed it but he wasn't a Pink Floyd guy when he was in college. He said he wasn't super aware of them. He said he kind of missed that whole thing. He said he didn't know Sabbath that well until he got older.
Howard said he used to play Pink Floyd at the progressive station. He said that he liked the song with the farm animal names. Jon Hein said that's called Animals. He went through some of the song titles. Howard had them play some of the songs for him so he could find the one he was thinking about. Fred played Dogs. Howard said he doesn't think that's it. when Fred played ''Sheep'' he said this is the one.
Howard said he never once shit in public. He said he worked by himself at this station and never even shit at that station. He said this isn't the song he played. He said this station was in a tiny house and it was like shitting in the same room if he went to the bathroom.
Howard asked to hear Pigs on the Wing Part 2. Fred tried that. Howard said he thinks there's an 11 minute Pigs. Fred said that's Pigs (Three Different Ones). Howard had him play that. He said he didn't care what he played, he just wanted long songs. Robin said he learned a lot about the music doing that. Howard said he did. He said this might be the one he played.
Howard said he thought he was cool working at this station but he wasn't. He said this is a good song. He said he lived in complete fear. He said that he was afraid that it might have a curse word in it. He said he would have been fired if it did.
Howard said he's had enough. He had Fred cut the song off. He said there was one song that had fuck or shit in it. He said he's not sure what it was. He said he was afraid he'd get fired but no one was listening. He said he played the same public affairs segment 3 weeks in a row and no one noticed.
Howard said he got paid $96 a week. He said you couldn't get less money. He said that was 6 days a week. He said the sales team looked at them like they were the biggest losers. He said it was humiliating. He said his dad was still helping him with gas money. He said he had a car but his dad was paying for gas. Howard said what a loser he was. He said he was there six days a week too.
Howard said anyone with half a brain would have gotten out of there. He said he was there for 2 or 3 years and he still sucked. He said he went to Hartford after that. He said he still sucked. He said that $96 a week was pre-tax. He said they took taxes out of that.
Howard said he doesn't remember how much they took out. He said there were days they went and they weren't sure if the check would clear. Robin said she worked at a station like that and you wanted to be the first one to the bank to make sure you got money.
Howard asked Jason what they have to give away. Jason said they're pulling up a list. He said he has a lot of fun books and memorabilia. Howard said he'll find someone eon the phone. He found Kim on the line and asked if she'd like some Howard Stern garbage. Kim said she'd play for nothing. She said she doesn't need anything.
Jason said they have 100 Miss America danglers available. Howard asked if they give her all 100. Jason said he likes a package deal. He said they can give them all to her. Jason said he's not sure what they were used for but you can hang them anywhere. Howard said they're the only show where the fans send back the prizes. Kim said she's not interested in that. Jason said they have a signed picture of the skiing squirrel from America's Got Talent. Howard explained what that was. He said this thing water skied. He said they gave him a signed photo. Kim said she'll take that. She said she didn't want to be picky. Jason said he just looked at it and it has a paw print on it. Howard said someone told him it's worth like a dollar. Howard had Jason give her one more option. Jason said he's skipping a lot. Jason said he has a Mojo Nixon autographed photo. Kim stuck with the squirrel picture.
Howard said Robin is going to be playing for Kim. He said Kim can play for herself actually. Howard said she just has to get one right. Howard said it's time for the game. He played a bumper for the game and then a clip where they had fake Pete Davidson call and ask this show to please pray for god to shrink his penis because he has a big penis. Howard asked if they'll pray for that. Kim said yes. Robin said she agrees. Howard played the clip and the host did pray for fake Pete to get a smaller penis.
Howard said Kim is a winner. He said she won a squirrel photograph. Kim said she's excited. Howard said dreams come true on this show. Howard said he's going to put her on hold now. He said that's kind of cool to have that picture. He said that's a fun little item to have in the house.
Howard said it's fun to give away garbage. He took a call from James who said he'd love to have some of that garbage. He said he'd take the Miss America Danglers. Howard said thank you for taking them all. He said he's had them around forever. He asked what he's going to do with them. James said he was going to redecorate his house so they can go in a few rooms. He said his wife will love it. Howard said his mom once won a can of STP oil and the can got smashed on the way to their house.
Howard said in this clip they had fake Simon Cowell call a religious show to help him get rid of the baby he made with his best friend's wife. Howard played the clip and fake Simon asked them to pray to god that this woman falls overboard and it's bye-bye baby for his friend. James said he's saying no. Robin said she's saying no too. She said most religions are opposed to abortion so even in this situation they're going to be for the baby. Howard played the clip and the host of the show said they can't do that. One of the hosts said they can say that god can take something bad and turn it good. Simon asked that she spills a glass of wine and slips and falls on her stomach. The host told him to put the child up for adoption. Fake Simon gave them more options but the hosts wouldn't go along with any of them.
Howard said James has won 100 danglers! James said that's awesome. Howard said hold on for that prize.
Howard said this is exciting. He said they haven't given away anything in a long time. He said he's been keeping this garbage for 30 years in a warehouse for no reason.
Howard took a call from a woman names Minta. He asked what kind of name that is. She said that it's supposed to be Greek. She said she was watching Private Parts and she wanted to tell Robin how beautiful she was. She said she doesn't know if she gets enough of that. Howard said she gets a ton of that from him in their private conversations. He said she sounds like a woman who doesn't want their garbage. Minta said she'd love to get some of their garbage. Howard said Robin will go down on her. Minta said okay. Robin said she doesn't know what she's doing so she may not enjoy it.
Howard said he has something great in his archive to give to Minta. He said this is a winner. He asked if she knows who Henry Hill is. She did not. Howard said he was a mobster who used to come on their show. He said that he may have done some bad things. He said he was quite hysterical on the show though. He said later in life he was in hiding. He said he has a Henry Hill original piece of art. He said he painted him, Robin and Artie and himself with New York City as the background. He said this is a conversation piece. He asked Minta what she'd like, that or Robin. Minta said she'll take the picture. Howard said she has to win so he can get rid of this thing.
Howard played the next bit where they had fake Donald Trump call a religious show and pray for him to have super human strength to get out of prison when he goes to jail. Howard asked if they will pray for him. Minta said she thinks they will pray for him. Robin said she thinks they will pray for him. Howard played the set up where fake Trump asked them to pray to god that he makes him so strong he can bend the metal bars and break out of jail when he goes to prison. Howard played their response and they prayed for him no problem.
Howard said that Minta just won the Henry Hill picture. He asked if she can picture hanging on her wall. He said she just won. Minta said she's excited. Howard said there are a lot of winners on the show. He said he's excited to get rid of all of his junk.
Howard said if you're lucky enough you'll have junk headed to your house. He said he likes that they saved Henry's painting.
Howard took a call from Holly who said that she'd like to play. She said she'd take a prize if he wants to give her something. Howard said he has something very valuable. He said 9 years ago they had a birthday bash and they have one of the banners they had hanging in the lobby. He said he's not sure why they saved this. He said they throw out nothing around there. Jason said they marked it to be thrown out. He said they have so many things they have in the archives that should be thrown out. Jason said they have 37 signed Sybian pieces. Howard said get rid of those. He said throw them out. He said they're probably filthy.
Howard gave Holly a choice of the banner or a Bobby Bad Fingers bobble head doll. Howard said the banner is 40x4. He said she could hang it outside and go through the house and out the other side of the house. Holly said he can chose. She said send whatever he wants. Holly said she'll take the banner. Howard said he's going to give her something big so he'll send that banner.
Howard said Letterman threw all of his stuff out the day he left. He said he was smart. He said he doesn't pay to store all of this shit.
Howard played the next clip where they had a request to get rid of all of the gay characters at Disney World. They had fake Ron DeSantis make that call asking for the Epcot center ball to roll over them all. Howard asked Holly and Robin what they think will happen. Holly said she thinks they will pray for that one. Robin said she's not sure about this one. She said it is gays so maybe. She said she's going to split and say no. Howard played the clip where the host said they will pray to remove all the gay characters at Disney World. She prayed for that on the air.
Howard said Holly won. He said they'll send her this 40x4 banner. He said that she has to let them know what she does with it. Holly said she wanted to thank Howard and Beth for what they do with cat rescue. She said please donate to Beth's Furry Friends.
Howard said it does cost a fortune to rescue animals. He said thank you for the nice words.
Howard took a call from Jen who said that she would like to play. Howard said he has plenty of prizes to give. He said this is exciting. He said they have a choice of a swatch of studio carpeting from a few years ago when they remodeled... He asked why they would keep that. Jason said he doesn't know. He was cracking up. He said it's just one square of carpet. Howard said maybe it has Sal's cock cheese or Richard's beer fart on it. He said anything could be on it. He said you can also have a page from Lenny Dykstra's book. He said it's just one page autographed by Lenny. Jen picked the swatch of carpet.
Howard said this is the request. He said they asked the show to pray for women who take Ozempic to get sick from the drug. Howard said this is fake Dr. Now making the request. He played the clip and fake Dr. Now asked them to pray that women taking Ozempic stop taking it so he gets more work so please give them headaches and diarrhea. Howard asked Jen and Robin what they think. Jen said she says they will not pray for that. Robin said they have prayed for everything so far. Howard said they didn't for Simon Cowell. Jen said she's saying no. Robin said she's saying yes they will. Howard played the answer and the host of the religious show said they will pray for that.
Howard said Jen did not win a prize. He said that he was praying for her to get that carpet. He said he's giving her a bonus chance. Howard said he has to find something for her to win that carpet. Howard said this is one. He said this is fake Joe Biden calling to ask them to tax all the churches. Howard asked if a religious show will want churches to be taxed. Howard played the clip of Joe calling and asking them to tax churches. Howard asked what she thinks. Jen said she says no. Howard asked Robin. Robin said no as well. Howard played the clip and they said no to that request.
Howard said Jen just won the carpet. He said she now owns a swatch of carpet from their old studio. He said there's so much history there. He said her friends will see that carpet and be jealous.
Howard said there you go. He said he wanted to finish some of this email and stuff. He said he should take a break here. He said he will wet his whistle here. He said he'll read the fan mail and takes some calls. Howard went to break after that.
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Howard came back and said Green Day is a great band. He let that song play for a short time. Howard said he would walk alone but he's afraid. He said he has like 5 guys with him. He said he's writing a song about how he doesn't walk alone.
Howard said he loves this song but Noel Gallagher felt it was a rip off of Wonderwall. He said he has to defend Green Day here. He said if he heard it he'd say it. Howard asked to hear Wonderwall. They played that for him and he said come on. Robin said it's where they sing Wonderwall. Howard said Robin is out of her mind thinking that sounds the same. Robin said she doesn't know anything about music.
Howard said he the song he's obsessed with is this song from the Kennedy Center Honors where Steven Tyler comes out and sings the Abbey Road medley. He said he's doing it in front of Paul McCartney. He said Steven doesn't get enough credit. He said that has to be hard to sing. He said McCartney is so turned on by it. He said he sings along with it. Howard said it was so well done. He played the clip he was talking about.
Howard said he was wondering how he was going to do this and he pulled it off. He said it was beautiful. Howard sang along a little bit. He said you have to watch the clip. He said you go on YouTube and they suggest things to you. Howard said it's endless stuff.
Howard asked Maria what her question is. Maria said she's excited to talk to him. She said she has a dilemma. She said her husband had an affair with one of her friends. She said she had a suspicion that something was off. She said months later she got a call from her friend's husband who confirmed it. Howard asked if the husband wasn't into her so much anymore. Maria said that's how it was. She said the other husband knew about it for months and didn't tell her. she said she got into an argument with him about that.
Howard asked what she did with that information. She said he was sitting right there when she got the call. She said he was a deer in the headlights.
Howard asked how old they are. Maria said they are both 46. She said it happened last year. Robin asked if she's still there. Maria said they have 3 kids and she's finding it hard to displace them. She said this is why she needs advice. Howard said he'll give it to her. He said he's full of advice.
Howard asked how long he was banging her and what did he say. She said he was banging her for almost a year. She said they went to lunches and birthday parties and stuff while they were doing it. Howard said that's fucked up. He said she's got kids who like the other kids. Howard asked if she was the kind of friend who she thought she shouldn't hang out with. Maria said not really. She said she's kind of mousy. Howard asked if she's hotter than her. Maria said she thinks she's hotter than the other woman. Howard said it's sometimes just something different that makes it for the guy.
Howard asked how things are now. Maria said the other fucked up part is that her husband got into her again and they started having sex and all of this stuff. Howard said the guy became super sexual then. Maria said after they got caught by the husband. She said she didn't know for months after that. She said he came back to her after he got caught but she didn't know that yet.
Howard said he gets it. He asked how things are now. Maria said she's had the hard wall up for months now. she said she told him to go to therapy and he did it for 3 months and he said there was nothing wrong with him. Howard said she needs a new piece of carpet from their old studio. Maria said she wanted the Henry Hill painting. Howard said that's gone now.
Howard said how about getting back at her husband by fucking the other husband. Maria said she doesn't want to fuck any man at this point.
Howard said not everyone can just leave. He said she has 3 kids. He said it's tough when you divorce and have to split residences and stuff. He said there are a couple of things you can do. He said you can tell the guy to just live there and stay out of her face. He said that's an option.
Robin said the kids will notice. Maria said the kids know everything. She said they don't live in a giant house so they can overhear what they want.
Howard took a call from fake Maria's husband. It was a porn clip playing. Howard asked if they are cordial to each other. Maria said it depends. She said that sometimes he acts like a total dick and sometimes he's super nice. She said she's not sure who she'll get with him. Robin said how about end the marriage and just stay together. Robin said they can date but just live there. Howard said he doesn't like that. He said she wants to give this a shot. He said she kind of still loves the guy on some level. Maria said that she does. Howard asked if he has apologized to her. Maria said he has. She said she doesn't trust him. Howard said he understands. He said she has to try to find a marriage therapist. He said march him in there and have him be totally transparent. He said he has to treat her right and tell her everything he's been up to.
Maria said she has done that. She said they went to a therapist but not a marriage therapist. Maria said she has asked him to tell her what happened and he said he had an affair and that's it. Howard said he has to tell her everything. Maria said she wants to know the details. Howard said he's never going to do that unless they have a really good therapist. He said that's the only answer. He said they have to find the right therapist. Robin said she has heard of people who have done that and they can never get the details out of their mind. Howard said she has to make him work for it. Maria said that's what she's trying to do.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake Bigfoot who said he'd fuck Maria. He said he'll fuck her and the other lady too. He said he'll fuck the whole neighborhood. Howard let him go a short time later.
Howard said Maria is in a bad situation. He answered another knock at the door. Fake Trump came in and gave Maria some advice. Maria asked him to go away. Trump said fixing marriages is woke.
Maria said that her husband is also a Trumpy so that's a whole other thing. Howard said Donald wasn't helping there. He answered another knock at the door and fake Mark the Bagger was there saying he'd fuck her. Howard let them go back and forth for a minute.
Howard took a call from a woman, Denise, who told Maria that if he did it once he's going to do it again. Maria said she knows that he cheated on people before. She said he has cheated on every person he's been with. She said she's in a pickle. Howard let Denise give her more advice. She said that she has to listen to the replay and just think about what she would tell her best friend. Maria said she knows what she would do for herself but she has the kids and all of that.
Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said this is simple. He said the guy loves her and he's just fucking around. He said he wants to stay with her. He said it's just something that some men do. He said some men don't cheat and still love their wives. King said that if a man cheats with 5 women that's less of a problem than just one woman. He said one woman is competition. Howard asked if King is okay with his wife cheating on him. King said no. He said he can see that Maria talks too much. Howard said King is off his rocker.
Howard said if you love a woman you can't do that to her. He said you just don't do that. He said you have to stay in the game. He said that Maria has kids and if she wants to stay with her man they could do counseling.
Howard took a call from High Pitch Erik who said that he isn't a cheater and he's available for her if she wants him. Maria said that she'll keep that in mind. Howard said the only thing Erik cheats on is a diet. He said her husband would freak out if she did date Erik.
Howard said the real Bigfoot is on the phone. He took that call and Bigfoot said she should go out with some other guy beside him. Howard said in other words revenge sex. Maria said she has thought about it but that's not her.
Howard answered a knock at the door and had fake Bigfoot on with real Bigfoot. Howard let the two of them go back and forth for a short time. Real Bigfoot said he'll hang up if they're going to play this game with him.
Howard said he'll figure out who the real Bigfoot is. He asked real Bigfoot if he fucked his mail man. Bigfoot said he did. Fake Bigfoot said he did too. Howard asked how many times Bigfoot had scabies. Real Bigfoot said quite a few times. Fake Bigfoot said he has scabies all the time. Howard asked real Bigfoot how many times he gave his trans girlfriend an assgasm. Real Bigfoot said he did that and she loved it all.
Howard asked real Bigfoot how he's doing with his gastritis. Bigfoot said he's not feeling that hot. He said he has gastritis and it's fucking bullshit. He started complaining about other things. He said something about a woman wanting to have sex with him or something. He kept saying he has to go get his meds.
Howard asked Wolfie what's going on. Bigfoot said he has to go and he has shit to do. Howard asked if he's in a facility. Wolfie said he's in a group home. Bigfoot confirmed that. He said they had a sex swing in the hallway where he was living. He said that's why he's in this new place. Wolfie said he's talking about a sex ring, not a sex swing.
Howard let Bigfoot go and got back to Maria. He said he really has to go. He said he's tired. He said he has to go take his meds. He said he hopes things work out with her and her husband. Robin said take care of yourself first.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said the worst thing you can do is stay together for the kids. He said it's not a one time mistake. He asked how many kids they have. She said they're 18, 15 and 9. Ralph said they'll be better off without him around. Howard said Ralph is a parenting expert. He said he's been around. Ralph said you don't stay together for the kids.
Howard said he's going to say this. He said in his mind he'd leave that situation. He said we don't know what Maria's life is like and what the family condition is. Ralph said the guy can't have any redeemable qualities. He said he's a creep. Howard said he's not going to give her cavalier advice. Maria said she moved to Rhode Island to be with him and she moved away from her family. Ralph said that's what those creeps do. He told her to get out of there.
Ralph said this is why you shouldn't have kids. Howard said Maria wasn't thinking the guy would cheat on her. Howard said lets give her some junk from the archive. Howard asked Jason what they have. Jason said they have the Lenny Dykstra autographed page. He said they have a webby award that Howard's web site won. Maria said she'll take that. Howard said she will receive that then.
Howard let Maria go and said that's it. He said love doesn't always work out. Howard said all this week on Howard 101 they have a Gone but Not Forgotten special playing. He wrapped up and ended the show around 10:35am.
Howard asked Bobo if he really wants to know. Bobo said he just wondered why it was that long. Howard said Paul was afraid that he might ask something that he didn't want to answer or something. He said maybe he's scared of Fred. He said many guests for years were afraid of Fred. He said now that he's older they see him as more gentle.
Bobo asked if he would put together another HBO special for that interview. Howard said he doesn't know. Robin said go away Bobo. Howard said that's not nice. Fred did his Bobo voice and made up more stuff that he could have asked about Paul's interview.
Howard asked Fred Bobo some questions about the Paul Simon interview. Howard said Paul did say he was most comfortable now coming on the show. He said back in the day maybe it wouldn't have gone that well. He said he told Paul this was the right time to come on. He said they agreed.
Howard asked if that's acceptable. Bobo said okay. Fred kept going with the Bobo impression making up more questions for Paul. Fred did a lot of the sniffing thing that Bobo does. They played a song parody about Bobo too.
Bobo said he got him through driving one of the scariest bridges in the country. He said he drove over the Chesapeake Bay Bridge and it's 4 miles of terror. Howard said he was a driving instructor. He asked why that would scare him. Bobo said there's been over 45 deaths on that bridge. He said there's a guy who pays people to drive him over the bridge. Howard said you know how to drive so why is he afraid. Bobo said it's the height. He said there's not much of a barrier. Robin said she has done it many times and it's fine. She said anyone can drive over it. Howard asked if she ever panicked. Robin said not at all.
Howard said he's driven over bridges a lot and he never got scared. He asked Wolfie if he's driven over that bridge. Gary said he drives over it every year and it's nothing terrifying. Wolfie said he has been on it and he has no idea why he's saying that. He said it's a highway and there's nothing to be scared of. He said he had no topic today.
Howard said Bobo's thing is to see how long he can stay on the air. Bobo said he drove over it. Howard said he wanted to stay on and this is what he came up with. Wolfie said it's okay to skip a day. Bobo said if you Google it the bridge comes up as the most deadly bridge in America.
Howard read some things about the bridge and here have been accidents but Bobo shouldn't be afraid to go over it. He said he's a driving instructor and he shouldn't be afraid. Wolfie said that he should be the one guy who can do it. Bobo said it's the most deadly bridge. He said a lot of people can't handle going over it.
Wolfie told Bobo to take a week off and come up with some new topics. Gary said he's doubling down on this now. Bobo said he's really not. He said he really can't take it. He said he's sure there are other people who feel this way.
Howard took a call from Rob from Pennsylvania who said that there have been only 2 people who died on that bridge. Bobo said that's not true. The caller said it's only 2. Bobo said it's 45. He said in June a tractor trailer went over the edge. They played another song parody about Bobo's phone calls.
Howard took a call from Christine in Maryland who said she's been going over that bridge since she was 16 and she's not sure what he's afraid of. Bobo said it's only a 4 foot barrier. He said it's 4 miles of that. Howard asked if he can't drive in a straight way. Wolfie said this is Bobo's calling pattern. He said he's afraid of things and rotates them just to get on the air. Howard asked if this is a good day for him since he got on for 14 minutes. Bobo said he doesn't think that way. He said he doesn't think JD could drive over it. They played another song parody about Bobo.
Howard asked why JD is his example. He asked if he's such a douche bag that he has to be his example. Bobo said he's just thinking that he might have an issue with it. JD said he's not sure what that's about. He said he drives over bridges all the time so he's not sure what this guy's problem is.
Ronnie asked what Bobo's problem is. Howard took a call from Dennis in Oregon who said he has been driving for 28 years and drives over bridges all the time and he doesn't understand why he puts himself above everyone else when it comes to his driving record. He said he ran into a train or something once. Wolfie said he once drove his car under a parked truck in a parking lot. Howard said he's a driving instructor. Dennis said he's an embarrassment.
Howard asked Bobo if he drive his car under a truck. Bobo said he did that to avoid a collision. Bobo said he never had a problem with bridges before. It's just this one.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Bobo is wrong about the 45 deaths. He said it's not from accidents, some of them are suicides. He said people jump off bridges all the time. Bobo said there are some accidents too though. The caller said they do but it's mostly suicides. Howard let that guy go and played another song parody about Bobo.
Howard said thanks for the call Bobo. Bobo said he's just saying. He said they did a special about it on Inside Edition. Fred did more of his Bobo impression. Wolfie said Bobo scores all of these calls in his notebook. Howard said this one will score high because he's been on for 19 minutes.
Bobo said he's just talking from his perspective. He said it affected him.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that Bobo is a moron. He said there's a couple of bridges that Bobo might be confusing. Robin said it doesn't matter because Bobo drives all the time.
Howard said that's it. He said Bobo should calm down. Bobo said he can handle it but it gives him anxiety. They played another song parody about his phone calls.
Howard took a call from Ed who said that he has the same issues as Bobo. He said he can't drive over bridges. He said it happened about 10 years ago and he wasn't able to get over the George Washington bridge. Robin said it's not all bridges. He said he could never do the one Bobo is talking about. Howard let that guy go and thanked Bobo for the call.
Howard said write down that he had 22 minutes. Robin said part of that was the puppet's time. Howard said Bobo will get credit for all 22. He said that's his man Bobo. Robin said no one is challenging him for Bobo to be their man.
Howard said if Bobo had his way no one would ever cross the water with a car. He said he'd come up with some other means of transportation.
Howard said the other day he saw trans porn. He said he went on YouPorn and checked out some recommended videos. He said he wanted to see what they recommend. He said it came up with some trans porn. He wondered if he could watch it and get off on it. He said this trans woman looked pretty good and it was a yoga scene. He said she was getting massaged by a yoga teacher. He said the teacher says she's very tight and needs to stretch. He said she bends her over and he's putting hands on her and stretching her legs. He said he's not beating of at this point. He said this was just to see what was going on. He said he could see this woman is getting aroused. He said then the trans guy ends up sticking it in the instructor's ass. He said he checked out at that point. He said there was no way he could beat off to that.
Howard said it was weird to see an attractive woman sticking her dick in a guy's ass. Robin said there are things she doesn't want to see. Howard said this woman had a bigger cock than he does. He said she had a full erection too. He said he made it pretty far into the porn before he got out.
Howard asked Ronnie if he ever watches. Ronnie said he has watched it with his mate. He said they have watched it together. He said he tells Stephanie that she should go off with a trans woman. He said she'd have the best of both worlds. Howard said what a loving conversation. He said it's very weird to see an attractive woman with titties whip out a cock with massive balls. Ronnie said most of them have huge dicks. Howard said the ones in porn do.
Howard said he doesn't have much so when he sees that it's like 5 times as big as his and it's just not fair.
Howard said most trans people don't want to have their dick messed with. He said they want to have their ass messed with or something. He said they don't even want that dick.
Howard said last year the transgender category grew by 75 percent. He said it's the second most popular category in the world. Howard said he did not jerk off to it himself though.
Robin asked if he selects the categories he likes and dislikes. Howard said not at all. He said he doesn't spend a lot of time on there.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he is fascinated with the idea of sucking his own cock. He asked if that would make you gay. Howard said of course. He said using your own hand is fine but sucking your own cock makes you gay. He said if you have a cock in your mouth then you're gay. He said that's going a little far. Robin asked if he has ever thought about that. Howard said no. He said he can barely get his own hand around it.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was President Zelenskyy who played some piano with his cock. He said he can also play with his balls and asshole. He played with it all. Howard closed the fake door on him after that.
Howard said he was screaming about politics the other day and Beth said he should run for President. He said he doesn't know about that. Robin said he was going to run with Bradley Cooper. Howard said if Brad ran he thinks he could win. He said the United States loves celebrities. He said Bradley would win. He said with him he would help. He said that's all.
Howard said that Volodymyr Zelenskyy has the funniest voice. He said with that name it sounds like he should grow up to suck blood. He said that's like a name Frank Zappa would come up with.
Robin said there's always that moment where they talk before going too far. She wondered what the old people are going to reveal. Howard said it's weird. He said he won't give any spoilers but the guy has to choose women to go home and the guy was crying and the women were crying. He wondered if The Hospice Bachelor is next.
Howard took a call from Chris Wilding playing old lady Mildred who was talking about getting fucked on a bingo table. Howard bailed on that pretty quick.
Howard said they're saying the reason they have this show is because no one is watching network TV anymore and only Baby Boomers are watching. He said it was rough watching this show. Robin said there are communities where crazy stuff is going on. She said there is one guy who still has a body that works and he's highly coveted by these women. Howard said keep that private. He said he doesn't want to see himself having sex. He said that Golden Bachelor hits too close to home.
Howard said he has to take a break. He said Anderson Cooper is coming in today. He said he's got a book out called Astor: The Rise and Fall of an American Fortune. He said it's about this family that made a shitload of money in the 1700s or something. He said there's some hard working asshole who makes the money and the family tries to figure out how to bankrupt themselves with that money. He said if you leave it to someone it turns into a curse. He said they don't want to do anything productive with their lives. He said he has to talk to Anderson about that. He said he talks about how the guy went out and killed beavers to make money. He said it was about the beaver skins. He said he made a ton of money and bought up most of Manhattan. He said he would buy up Times Square for like 300 bucks. He said it was crazy. He said the guy built up the fortune with the beaver fur trade. He said he describes the way they killed them and it was brutal. He said the son of this guy made more money buying up real estate. He said then the money got squandered.
Gary said he read the book and if you had a dream of any kind they would break you and shun you. Howard said they also started high society. He said that they would have the parties that people with money would go to. Robin said there's an HBO series where they go to those kind of parties. Howard said they all died broke. He said they went through that beaver money.
Howard said that guy Aaron Burr owned Greenwich Village and sold it to this Astor guy. Howard said they should have been around back then. He said they could have made some good money. He said they never would have known how much that land would have been worth. Robin said all of those families were started by hard working guys. She said there was nothing around. Howard said Times Square used to be a farm. He said it's kind of hard to believe.
Howard said there will never be a book about the Stern family. He said his father could have made money buying KFC stock but his mother talked him out of it. He said his father had him convinced he was a brilliant businessman. He said he really wasn't though. He said his dad needed money to expand his business. He said a bicycle business put money into it and his dad got the stock from that company. He said the bike business was booming. He said it was the only bike company that lost money during the bicycle boom. He said the stock was worthless and his dad had to work to buy the business back from them. He said it was a fucking disaster.
Howard said when his dad died he had a ton of money. He said that he convinced him he was out of money and he paid his bills for 30 years. He said then he died and he had all of this money he didn't know about. He said his mother told him he was a good businessman. He said maybe it was smart to get stupid ass Howard to pay for everything. He said he'd walk in and his mother would ask him to fix something for them. He said it cost him a bloody fortune to fix stuff for them. He said the house was in disrepair. He said he brought in decorators and contractors to fix it up. He said he thought they were out of money. He said he almost fell on the floor when he found out how much money they had.
Howard said there won't be any books about the Stern family like this Astor book. He did an impression of his mom and dad talking about the KFC stock thing. He said he would have been one of those rich kids if his dad had bought stock early on.
Robin said she reads books about stock traders. She said you should be investing in things you're into. She said if you like it then you know more than the other investors out there on Wall Street.
Howard did a live commercial read and went to break.
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Howard came back and sang along with ''All the Young Dudes.'' He said what a song. Robin said Howard could have sung like this. she said this guy had a style that Howard could have used. Howard said that's Ian Hunter. Robin said he could have done it like that. Howard was still singing along. He sang about how he's not a young dude anymore.
Howard said he loves that track but it's giving him a headache. He said he choked when he was there with Paul Simon and he asked him to sing. Howard said Paul told him he wasn't so good.
Howard said he's getting a lot of email or fan mail. He said they write in and comment on the show. Howard asked Gary what's going on with Zach Wilson and the Jets. Gary said the Jets drafted him 3 years ago and he was so awful last year that they benched him. He said they got Aaron Rodgers and then he got injured. He said Zach is the backup now. He said that he's regressed and he's just not NFL caliber. Gary said they have no quarterback so they can't score. Howard said anyway the Jets are awful.
Robin said that Taylor Swift will probably be at some games. Howard said he's sure they're telling her not to go to every game. He said he's sure that they're going to pick and choose. Robin said Travis Kelce is driving her around in his red convertible showing her off.
Howard said the fans wrote in about that Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift discussion. He read through some of that feedback.
Howard said he read a story about how they snuck Taylor out of the stadium in a popcorn cart. Robin said she saw them driving out. Howard said they had to get her out of the stadium somehow. He said the report was that they went out to dinner after. He said she paid for everyone's meal in the restaurant but everyone had to leave so she could be alone with Travis. Howard said those two are hot for each other. He said Travis has to love that. He said jocks love that shit. He said they love a wealthy woman taking care of them. He said this is exciting to have a wealthy young girl. Robin asked how he knows about jocks. Howard said he knows, trust him.
Howard did his Patrick Mahomes impression and had him talking to Travis about Taylor Swift. He had Travis talking about how he'll never wash his middle finger and he'll let Mahomes smell it. He had Mahomes asking if he can hide in his closet and watch.
Howard said you know Taylor Swift falls hard. He said she loves it. Robin said she's beating on the window screaming about Travis catching a pass. Howard said she's really into it. He went into his Mahomes impression and talked about that with Travis. Howard had Mahomes asking if he can smell Travis' cock and Travis agreeing to it. The fake conversation was going on and on about Taylor Swift.
Robin said here was an announcer saying that Travis has caught a lot of passes but this is his greatest catch ever. Howard said he's right. He was still doing the Travis and Mahomes impressions. He had them talking about songs that Taylor is writing about Travis.
Robin said she also loves seeing the mom with Taylor and the mom not paying attention to her. Howard said as famous as she is she wants to get in good with Travis' mom. Robin said the mom was looking forward and just watching the game.
Howard said he had to work had to get in with his wife's mother. He said she hung up on Beth when she told her she was dating him. He said he has to be on real good behavior around her. He said that he has to be like Eddie Haskell on Leave it to Beaver. He asked if Taylor has ever dated a guy and not written a song about him. He said he'd be insulted if she didn't write one about him.
Howard said Travis Kelce must be like ''Holy fuck!'' He said you can imagine those phone calls. He did an impression of what that might sound like. He had the two of them sweet talking each other. That went on for a few minutes. He had Taylor talking about the song she's writing about his salty load. Fake Travis was also asking her for some soiled panties that Patrick Mahomes was asking for.
Howard said there's a picture going around of Taylor's knees being banged up and people are saying it's from Travis banging her hard. He said that might be someone Photoshopping that in. He said he had sex with someone where he got his knees all banged up when he was single. He asked how that happened. He said he had rug burns.
Howard read some more fan feedback about the Kelce and Swift conversation. Howard had some audio of Bill Belichick talking about that relationship. Howard played the clip and that's where he said this is Kelce's biggest catch ever.
Howard said he didn't know Bill had such a deep voice. He said he could have been an announcer. Howard did an impression of Belichick talking about Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce.
Howard said people liked that they gave out his junk as prizes yesterday. He said he has a warehouse full of junk. He said the bills are astronomical. He said they have to go through it somehow. Howard said it seems like it's treasure to the audience. He said that one of their winners said that it was exciting for her to win and she was very thankful for what she got.
Howard said Mariann from Brooklyn left a voicemail where she yelled at him for calling it garbage. He played that clip and Mariann said she could come up there and pick out all of the goodies. She said she'd even deliver that staff to the fans.
Howard said some of the garbage they may give away tomorrow. He said he has gotten Best Hair Awards about 7 times in his life and they have the trophies. He said he's going to give them all to one person. He said he has to get rid of this shit. He said he has hundreds of Howard Stern for Governor pins and bumper stickers. He said he has a bunch of things like that.
Howard said he has a fan made quilted blanket with his and Robin's faces on it. He said that's been sitting in a warehouse for 25 years. Howard said the can play a game to play tomorrow where they'll give some of this stuff away.
Howard said what an opus. He got back to some mail and said a fan wrote in about how Svengoolie gave Richard Christy a shout out. He said Richard sent Svengoolie a picture and he mentioned it on air. Howard played the clip where Svengoolie brought it up.
Howard asked where you see Svengoolie. He said he was a thing in the mid-west. He said he was a big thing out there. He said he pretended to know who he was when he was in Detroit. He said he didn't know who he was.
Richard came on and said that Svengoolie is on ME TV. He said he used to be known as son of Svengoolie but now he's just Svengoolie. He said he's the best. Robin said he plays horror movies, right. Richard said they're the best. He said he played Return of the Vampire on Friday night and that's when he got his shout out. He said people loved his Svengoolie outfit at Blobfest. Howard said this is the most anyone has ever mentioned Svengoolie on radio.
Howard said Svengoolie used to do an accent but he dropped it in the 80s. Richard said he did but he sounds like a guy from Chicago now. They spent a little time talking about a guy named Zacherle who used to do similar stuff like that. He worked with Howard at K-Rock for a short time. Howard said he used to be on WPLJ. He said that was strange.
Howard asked how much you can make as Svengoolie. Richard said he must be doing okay. Howard said he'd like to know how much he's making. He said Zacherle died in 2016. He said speaking of Richard he stayed home sick with COVID. He said fans were worried for him when his vision got blurry. He asked if Richard is okay now. Richard said he's all good. He said they were blurry for a couple of hours but he's good now.
Howard said Richard called his dad about COVID and this is his advice. He had some audio of the two talking about the vision thing. Richard's dad said that he heard rubbing piss in your eyes can fix that. Richard said he thinks he'd rather have blurry eyes than rub piss in them. Richard also told his dad about Cocktober coming up and what he and Sal may be doing for that.
Howard asked if you can imagine if Richard's dad was brilliant and piss is the cure for COVID. He said that might be the cure for everything. He did an impression of Richard's dad talking about that and other cures that he could find in nature. Howard had him talking about pissing up your own ass to cure constipation. He said he let a horse kick him in his head to get rid of a headache. He said to cure leukemia by shitting in your hand. He said Richard had cavities and they had him gargle with his piss and he was fine. Richard said he probably would have tried that. Howard said he loves Richard's parents.
Robin said Mr. Christy said he ''heard'' that piss in your eyes cures the blurry vision. Robin said imagine what's going on. Howard said Richard came to them and he had like 17 cavities. He said his dad encouraged him not to go to a dentist. Richard said his mom and dad have false teeth so they don't have to deal with a dentist.
Howard made up more cures as Mr. Christy. He had him using beaver cum and things like that for cures. He said later today he's going to pee on some cancer kids in Kansas City. Howard said he has to take a break. He thanked Richard for that.
Robin asked if Howard heard that the character Illya Kuryakin died. Howard said he didn't. Robin said that David McCallum was 90 years old. She said he just died.
Howard did a live commercial read and went to break a short time later.
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Howard came back and talked about how great that Elvis Costello song is. He let that play for a little bit.
Howard said he has Anderson Cooper there. He said he hasn't seen him since May 2020. He said he's there in a t-shirt. He said you don't normally see him in a shirt like that. He said he's not the newsman right now. He said this is book author Anderson. He asked what Verunga means. Anderson said it's a national park in the Congo. He said he's been there. Howard asked if he likes to wear shirts to show where he has been. Anderson said he wears the same thing almost every day. He said it's just a change. He said the first concert he went to was probably an Elvis Costello concert. Howard said that's a good one to have as your first. Anderson said he told him about his concert being his first and it seemed like he couldn't care less. Howard said he was really nervous to interview him because of that punk thing he was into.
Anderson said he used to get invited to Prince parties and Prince thought that he was with '' in it'' with the Hollywood people. Howard said they don't have the concept that he has to go to work and stuff like that. Anderson said he wasn't able to go to everything he was invited to but he did get to go to a small show he did for like 30 people. He said he didn't go on until 1am and one of his people asked him to stick around to talk about the financial crisis. He said he knew nothing about it but he stuck around. He said he kept playing through the night and he had to get out of there.
Howard said he went to see Prince play a small show at someone's home and he turned the lights out. Howard said he left early because it was like listening to him on a radio.
Anderson said he had to go to Prince's person that he had to leave because he had work the next morning. Howard said he gets the same kind of thing from friends who want him to go to L.A. when he has to work. Anderson said he'd like to go see U2 at the new sphere out in Las Vegas but he can't just take time off. He said it sounds incredible but he can't get away.
Howard said this thing with the sphere is interesting. He said the guy who invested in it wants to do them all over the world but it's a risky thing. He said this kind of ties into the book that Anderson is there promoting.
Howard said it's funny that people like Prince think he knows something about the financial crisis just because he's reporting the news. Anderson said he barely knows how to do his own finances. Howard said Anderson is there to ask the experts himself.
Howard said he wonders about Anderson talking about how he thinks he's turning into a ghost. Anderson said he's almost translucent. Howard said his father looked like that when he got older. Anderson said he's not happy about it. He said Howard has these great locks. He said that he's all white hair now. He said it's like Mike Pence. He said he thinks it would be weird to color his hair.
Howard said it's such a pain in the ass. He said that someone told him to put something in his hair. He said it's insane to sit there doing that. He said he thanks god he still has dark hair.
Anderson said that everyone had to get a hair cut as a kid but you got made fun of when you did. He said it's not clear why that was a thing to make fun of someone about.
Howard said he's not sure who the top anchors are on network TV now. He said he only watches cable news. Anderson said there are big anchors on network TV. He said he hasn't watched in years. He said he doesn't watch regular television much. He said when he gets home he watches anything but the news. He said he's watching Top Boy on Netflix. He said it's very good. Robin said she agrees and she's trying to get Howard to watch it. Howard said ''Top Boy'' means something completely different to him than they think it does.
Howard and Anderson talked about the network news and the anchors who were big when they were younger. Howard asked Anderson if he would call someone like Dan Rather to discuss things. Anderson said he would never call anyone. He said he never calls anyone. He said he should have. He said that he had lunch with Dan Rather once. He said he's too shy to reach out to people. He said he wishes he could but he doesn't have that in him. He said he hasn't been able to ask for advice. Howard said he's had questions for people and he wants to reach out. He said he tried with one or two people and they look at him like he's crazy.
Anderson said he's close with Andy Cohen and he has reached out to him. Howard said Andy is kind of obsessed with him. He said that he brought him up a lot in his book.
Howard and Anderson talked about his mom and how she was obsessed with Cher so much that Anderson almost thought of her as a sister. He said that his mom made some crazy statements in her life and she once told him at 85 that she could still bare a child. He said that he had to talk her out of doing that. He said that she was thinking about getting an egg from someone and have his sperm used to impregnate it and then she'd bare it. He said that he had to talk her out of that. Howard said he'd be out of the news if that happened. Howard said his sperm should not be near his mom in any way.
Howard asked if she would have followed through on that. Anderson said he doesn't know. He said she just wanted him to have a kid. He said she didn't think things through a lot.
Howard said one of the people who is obsessed with him is Andy Cohen. He said he didn't know they met on a date. Anderson said that they were set up on a date. Anderson said they were but Andy broke his one rule bringing up that he was a Vanderbilt. He said that he knew right away he wasn't going to go on a date. He said Andy is the same person now that he was when he was a kid. He said he was doing the same things as a kid that he does now.
Howard said he can't figure Andy out. He asked who else he reaches out to for advice. Anderson said he won't say. He said he trusts them. He said the conversations are private. He said they're not people that Howard would know and they don't want to be known. He said they're not famous.
Howard said Jerry Seinfeld asked him out to dinner to talk about renewing his contract once. He said it was very nice of him to do that.
Howard said Anderson is there to talk about this new book. Anderson said he's just there to talk. He said any chance he gets to talk to him is a great opportunity.
Howard said he thinks that Anderson is the biggest star on CNN. Anderson said he thinks Wolf Blitzer is a bigger name than he is. He said sometimes he does well with his show at night but sometimes he doesn't. He said that he likes to be able to travel around the world. He said that's what got him into news in the first place. Howard said it seems like they care less about that now. Anderson said CNN is one of the few corporations that still has bureaus around the world.
Howard said it seems like Trump has changed the news. He said they have to report on the guy. Anderson said that an election is coming up and he's still a big thing in that. He said the past couple of years they weren't covering him that much once he left office. He said the Ukraine war coverage was more in the news. He said he went over there for a few weeks. Howard asked if he met with Zelenskyy. Anderson said he did not. He said he was in the western part of the country. He said he wanted to be in Kiev but he knows how dangerous that could have been.
Howard asked if he can believe how there are people who don't want Ukraine to fight back. Anderson said there are people in the republican party who are arguing in ways that the old republican party wouldn't have done that.
Howard said he looked up Zelenskyy's old comedy act and found out he was doing a bit where he played piano with his penis. Anderson said that's perfect for Howard's show.
Anderson said that he thinks that Zelenskyy has risen to this challenge in an extraordinary way. He said for the people to have resisted the invasion in those early days was something. He said they were able to prevent this onslaught and it's an incredible tale.
Howard said it must be weird to cover wars like that. He asked if it's traumatic to see bodies laying in the streets. Anderson said he was in Rwanda when a lot of people were killed in a brutal way. He said he has seen a lot of people get killed and seen bodies in the sun for weeks and months. He said it's something you never get used to. He said that's the way it should be. He said you don't want to see that and you have to be able to report on it in an honest way.
Howard said Anderson has done some frightening things. He said he saw him getting almost beaten up in Egypt. He said he must have thought he was going to die. Anderson said he wasn't sure if they were going to get out of that one. He said they had a mob of people riled up who were going after foreign journalists. He said this guy came out and threw a punch at them. He said if you've been in a mob it's a very frightening thing. He said a mob can turn on you or somebody and it's very fighting and scary. He said they were attacking them. He said they had to create a circle around their producer who they were trying to take clothes off of. He said they slowly walked and tried to get away. He said he thought they could still make it to this spot they were trying to get to. He said they circled up and went back to where they came from. He said he had a hand held camera and thought that they could get something just in case they were killed. Howard said he would hide behind Robin. He said he'd never put a camera on. Anderson said you might as well tape it.
Anderson said he once went shark diving and he told the camera guy to keep rolling just in case he did get killed. He said there's nothing worse than getting killed and not having the footage.
Howard asked Anderson about being on these news programs and if he can negotiate when he wants to go on 60 Minutes. Anderson said they offer a decent salary there. He said he's happy to be there. Howard asked who else is there and if they make more than him. Anderson said he has no idea how much anyone else makes. He said he doesn't know if his agent knows what they make either. Howard said the agent has to know. He said his point is that someone has to know. Anderson said he's doing more than fine. He said if money was a motivating force in his life he wouldn't have gotten into the news business. He said he's been in it a long time. Howard said he must care if Scott Pelly makes more. Anderson asked why he would care. He said he should be making less than anyone there but he has no idea what they make.
Howard said he should care. He said he's the biggest name there. Anderson said it's not a competition. Howard said he has to come up with a price. Anderson said he's happy with what he's paid. He said he isn't interested in what anyone else makes. Howard said he should care though.
Howard asked if he liked Prince Harry when he interviewed him. Anderson said he enjoyed his book and it was about grief and drama. He said it was a fascinating topic. He said that he liked talking to him. He said he doesn't have an opinion on the royal family. He said he wishes him well. He said he's trying to do the best with what he has. Howard said maybe he relates to him in a way. Anderson said some of that maybe. He said they both lost a parent early on.
Howard asked why people hate Meghan Markle so much. Anderson said he's not sure that's the case. He said he doesn't know her.
Howard asked Anderson about CNN and if they ever come to him and ask him to help with their decisions there. Anderson said no. He said he has his own show and that's his responsibility.
Howard asked if he voted in the last election because he told him that he didn't vote in 2016. Anderson said he did. He said he didn't think that journalists shouldn't vote for a long time. He said tried it out and he will vote again.
Howard asked if Anderson will be drinking with Andy Cohen next New Year's Eve. He said he talked to him about that too. Howard said Chris Licht didn't want them drinking and he's gone from CNN now. He said that people like seeing them drink. Howard asked what will happen this year. Anderson said he and Andy will be doing the show together but he hasn't had a discussion about the drinking yet. He said he thought they had a show which was just as good. He said they got around it in ways. He said they had Kevin Hart go off on CNN for making that decision. He said it was a great segment. He said we'll have to see what happens.
Howard said he must have been nervous doing that with Andy for the first time. Anderson said he thinks you just have to be yourself. He said that's all he was doing. He said that audiences are so smart today and so aware that they're fine with what you do. He said they know that you can be interested in world events and still like to go to the movies and do other things. He said he can make fun of himself and point out his ridiculous laugh that sounds like a chicken being strangled.
Howard said he loves that he's openly gay too. He said he thinks we'd be shocked by people who live very different lives than we imagine. He said he was moved by him when he talked about Tim Cook calling him to ask him about coming out as gay. He said he asked for his advice and that was very moving to him. He said he was like a role model for this guy. Anderson said it was very sweet. He said he never spoke about it but Tim did. He said he called him up and said he was going to do this and he liked the way he did it so he wanted to talk about it with him.
Howard asked if he got any free Apple products for that. Anderson said he doesn't accept gifts. He said he won't even take the gift bag they have for him there. Howard said he can take it.
Howard said he has a feeling that Anderson won't leave his kids any money like Warren Buffet has said he won't give to his kids. Anderson said they talked about this a long time ago. He said he knew there was nothing from the Vanderbilt family for him. He said he was glad early on to know that. He said he had a ton of privileges but they told him that he wasn't getting anything beyond his college being paid for.
Howard said people could have held that against him if he had the Vanderbilt last name. Anderson said that he didn't talk about who his mom was for the first 10 years of his career.
Howard said his father was an author. Anderson said he was a bit actor in the 50s and wrote some stuff. He said he was never big. He said he wrote a book called ''Families'' and he died when he was 10. He said it was like a letter from his father so he has read it multiple times a year in his life. He said he hears his voice in that book and it's been a guide post in his life. Howard said that's something. He said it must be strange to have that book. Anderson said he had someone contact him and he heard his father's voice in an interview from the 70s. He said he heard his dad's voice for the first time since he was 10 and it was a gift.
Howard said now he has the book and the interview. He said that's something. Anderson said they had an extraordinary childhood too. He said that his dad died at 50 and he thought he would be dead by 50 himself. He said that's why he didn't have kids until he was 51.
Howard said what an incredible moment to have this guy contact him with that tape of his dad. Anderson said that he talked to Stephen Colbert and Molly Shannon about losing family when they were kids.
Anderson said when he wrote his book in 2006 it felt very good like he was relating to his father.
Howard said he listened to Anderson's book and he heard him reading it. He said that he could never do that himself. He said he couldn't read his own book so he never put out an audio book. Anderson said he did that in 3 days. He said it was a good thing for him. He said he did it for like 8 hours a day for 3 days. He said he has tape of his mom doing a reading with him too. He said that's a nice thing to have.
Howard said Anderson broke up with his husband and he still lives with him and the kids. Anderson said they love the kids so much and they waned to stay together. He said that he doesn't date so it's not a problem. He said that they'll figure things out.
Howard said the word is that Gen-Z is calling him a Twunk which is a Twink and a Hunk. Anderson said he's not in shape but he hopes to get back to it. He said he has a new trainer.
Howard asked why he's not dating. Anderson said he's just happy being a dad and working a lot. He said he's doing this book and a podcast so he's staying busy. He said he has been doing this podcast on grief and it's unlocked something in him that has made him really reflective and he's focusing on himself. He said getting involved with someone isn't what he wants to do.
Howard said he lost his brother to suicide and his mother is gone now. Anderson said he has to deal with all of that. He said he has talked to the same therapist since he was 21. He said he is talking to him again. He said that he's doing another season of this podcast because he wants to talk about grief with people. He said they're conversations he wouldn't normally have.
Anderson said he's dealing with going through boxes of his mother's stuff, his brother and his father's stuff too. He said he's been doing that for a year. He said he has asked people to call in with their own stories to play on his podcast. He said he had over 46 hours of calls to listen to. He said he's spent the last couple of months listening to those 46 hours and it has impacted him very strongly. He said it made him react like this. His voice was quivering and sounded like he was crying. Anderson said this stuff doesn't go away. He said you can push it down but it won't go away. He said he pushed it down but it's bubbling up even right now.
Howard said you don't realize you're pushing it away and you don't allow yourself to feel it. Anderson said he doesn't let himself feel joy or pain. He said he wants to be able to feel it all so that's what he's trying to do now. He said he has to understand why you do things and what you were as a child. He said he had to deal with his brother's suicide and how he did it in front of his mother. He said he didn't succumb to all of that. He said he wasn't able to feel stuff so he went to places where he was forced to feel. He said that's why he went to war zones. He said he wanted to know why two people who grew up in the same house had such different outcomes. He said that they enabled him to move forward. He said he has been able to enjoy a full life. He said he doesn't want his kids to see the sadness that he saw in his mother's eyes.
Howard and Anderson talked about a book that Anderson said he read that helped him get through this stuff. He said it was called Man's Search for Meaning.
Howard said Anderson sounds highly evolved talking about all of that. Howard said his dad died last summer. He said he didn't have the relationship he wanted. He said he has a box of everything that his father owned. He said every time he opens it he can't bear it. He said that it's heart wrenching. He said it's a really hard thing to go through. Anderson said he has a lot to go through. He said he has a lot of remarkable history in those boxes of things. He said he has telegrams from Frank Sinatra to his mother. He said he wants this stuff organized so his kids can see it. He said he doesn't want them to have to carry around boxes like he had to do.
Howard asked if his mother ever got over her grief of losing her mother. She was taken away from her. Anderson said she had a sadness in her life that was from all of that. He said she had this lost past that she had to deal with.
Howard said his mother had a bad life and she had a sadness about her too. He said he had to try to cheer her up and she loved it when he would joke around. He said it's a fucking burden though. Anderson said he did the same thing. He said he'd do impressions for his mother. He said he did an impression of a guy named Jerry Zipkin and he was probably the only one doing them. He said he just wanted his mother to be happy.
Howard said he wrote this book about the Astors and he wondered why that was. He said this family had so much money and power and they were just as fucked up as anyone else. He said he listened to the book and he described how the original dude made the money killing beavers, it was sickening. Anderson said it was a very valuable fur at the time. He said that it was a bloody business. He said he used alcohol as a tactic to get the indigenous people. He said he screwed over the traders and they screwed over the indigenous people. He said it was a ruthless model. He said he used that money to buy up New York City property. He said he'd lease out the property and only for 20 years and then he'd get it back. He said that's why they never fixed up the buildings.
Howard asked about how much money this guy had back then. Anderson said he's not sure but his own great, great grandfather had 100 million and that was like 1 out of every 20 dollars in circulation in 1877.
Howard and Anderson talked about the book Astor: The Rise and Fall of an American Fortune and the Astor family for a while. They talked about how obsessed with money this Astor guy was. Anderson said that the guy was being fed by a wet nurse later in his life so that was one of the odder details. Howard said the guy's son never knew what he wanted in life. He said he was pretty good at it and then the shit hits the fan and all of the other Astor family gets the money and squanders it. Anderson told stories about the Astor family and some of the wacky stories he tells in the book. Anderson speaks very fast and the stories are very detailed so there's no way I could type fast enough to keep up.
Howard asked if he sold the book rights. Anderson said not yet. Howard said maybe he should look into that. Anderson said he has a deal with Amazon working on a TV show. He said it may be a limited series. Howard said he thinks people will like this book. He said he has so much to talk about. Robin said she's going to read it. She said she loves the craziness in these families.
Howard asked if the Astors still own anything in New York. Anderson said there are Astors around and they still have some property around but not the holdings in Manhattan that they once had.
Howard said he's a fascinating guy. He asked if he cares about his bosses changing so many times. Anderson said he cares about the people who work there and do really good jobs. He said he doesn't know much about management. He said he just knows what his interactions are like. He said he likes the new guy at CNN.
Howard said he's looking great and he's not sure why he's not dating. He said he doesn't understand what's going on with him. Anderson said he's not on the dating apps or anything. Robin said she likes that he's taking care of his own issues and not bringing them to other people.
Howard said maybe he can set him up. Robin said don't let him do that. She said he's the worst. Howard said his mother tried to set his gay cousin up with someone in the 70s. He said that turned out so bad. He said they have to find someone for Anderson. Anderson said he has a great love affair with his kids. He said it's the best thing ever. Howard said alright then. He gave him a plug for his book Astor: The Rise and Fall of an American Fortune and his ''Grief'' podcast. He said he thinks the big headline is that Anderson Cooper is celibate. Anderson asked ''What?'' He said he's taking it to another level. Howard asked if Andy thinks he's crazy. Anderson said he doesn't know. Howard said next time he's on he'll talk about what kind of porn he's into.
Robin said she has one question for Anderson. She said there's a lot more social stuff in news than hard news anymore. She asked if he talks about Taylor Swift going to the Kansas City Chiefs game. Anderson said last night at the end of the broadcast they had their data guy Harry come in to talk about the popularity of Taylor Swift and the Chiefs merchandise. He said he didn't know about all of that until that discussion. He said it was all news to him. He said he did find it interesting. He said he does like Taylor Swift.
Howard said he did a graphic discussion about Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift this morning. Anderson said that's not something they can do on CNN.
Howard said the big take away with Travis and Taylor is that guys are shocked that this big guy is fucking Taylor Swift. He said that's the whole thing. Anderson said that she seems really in control of her life and that's great for her.
Anderson said his friend won a prize and he got to have Taylor Swift at a pizza party. He said he's just imagining what that must be like for Taylor when someone like that wins a prize and she shows up.
Howard asked Anderson who he's hanging out with these days. Anderson said he still hangs out with Benjamin his ex and the family. He said he's not sure if he's dating. He said if he was he wouldn't talk about it anyway. He said they still wake up the kids and have breakfast together. He said it's great.
Howard and Anderson talked about Cher and some of his other friends before they ended the interview.
Howard wrapped up with Anderson and gave him more plugs. They were done around 10:45am.
Robin said she's worried about Travis. Howard said he's not. Robin said he could be dumped by her and then he falls further down than he was. Howard said no. He said she has it all wrong. He said this he knows about. He said she has it all wrong.
Howard said he has a feeling she'd be a lot better off with a nice guy. He said maybe even a doctor who isn't in show business.
Howard said the guys were playing him tape of Travis where he was talking about dating deal breakers. He played the clip and Travis said that if a girl doesn't have sex on a third date that could be a deal breaker. He was also saying something about dates needing to blow him by the third date or so.
Howard said that means that Travis wants her to blow him. He said he was doing a bit yesterday but he's not sure what he was doing. Robin said he was doing what sports guys are thinking but not saying. Howard said he doesn't even remember what he did. He said he's not sure how stand up comedians do it.
Howard said he was in the shower yesterday and he was thinking about a conversation between Travis and his agent. He went into his agent voice and had that conversation between the two. The agent felt like this was a fantastic thing for his career and it's working like a charm. Agent Howard said the odds of this happening are like 17 billion to one and his jersey is the ''most sellingist'' jersey of all time. He said he's in a once in a lifetime opportunity. He was singing ''Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah'' about the whole situation.
Agent Howard was going on and on about how great this relationship is for Travis. He said he can't break up with her now. He told fake Travis that his jerseys are selling faster than the new iPhone.
Agent Howard said this is like Uncle Jed finding oil. He said Travis found it between Taylor's legs. He said he's going to put all of his energy into him. He said he represents the kicker for the Dolphins and he's trying to get a hook up with Billie Eilish to get him going.
Robin said she read an article in the NY Times today about how Taylor put Travis into a whole new orbit. Agent Howard said she's correct. He said she should have been an agent. He said this is his ticket to retirement. He said if he were him he'd finish inside Taylor so she can't leave him if she has a baby. Robin said she has a big career so she must take precautions. Agent Howard told Travis to get her off of birth control and break the condom if he has to.
Agent Howard was making calculations about what the odds are that he could make this relationship happen. He said Travis' cock is paying his mortgage.
Robin said the Swfities will turn on him if he doesn't do something Taylor likes. She said he got more followers after this than when he won the Super Bowl. Agent Howard said it was like 300,000 new followers.
Agent Howard asked if she has written a song about Travis yet. Fake Travis said he's not sure. Agent Howard said that his fame will go up if he has that. He said he knows about all of this. He said this business is cut throat. He said he knows what to do. He said Travis will have access to things that most people in the NFL have. He said he just needs one song about him from Taylor. He said it'll make Robin's paycheck look like food stamps.
Agent Howard said he told Travis to tell Robin what he told him when he signed him. Fake Travis said that he was told to load up on famous beaver before his brain gets scrambled. Agent Howard said all the kids out there need to hear this. Fake Travis said he followed up with ''Knock her up before the CTE sets in and you're drooling on yourself.''
Agent Howard said that may seem harsh but they have limited time in the NFL. He said in 5 years you won't remember Travis Kelce. He said if they have a baby he'll be in the Daily Mail every day.
Agent Howard said that Patrick Mahomes called him yesterday and asked him to get him some famous beaver too. He said he was asked to call Cardi B for another player who will remain nameless.
Agent Howard told Travis to get Taylor addicted to his cock before he's paralyzed below the waist. He said that he told him that he's winning the pussy super bowl. He said Travis got over 300,000 new followers on Instagram over the weekend.
Agent Howard asked if Robin remembers Jeremy Shockey. Robin said yes. Agent Howard said no one else does. Agent Howard also said that he told Travis to knock her up before you get knocked out.
Agent Howard said this is lightning in a bottle. He said he used to look at him like a big dumb football player. He said no one thought he was going to get Taylor Swift. He said god bless this kid.
Agent Howard told Travis not to blow it with Taylor. He said everyone knows his name now. He said Howard Stern even knows who he is now. He said Howard thinks like a girl. He said he turned this guy into a household name. Fake Travis asked his agent to go easy on him.
Agent Howard told Travis not to burp or fart around Taylor. He asked Travis if he's ready for the Met Ball. He asked to sniff his finger too.
Howard finally came out of his agent character 25 minutes later. He said it's a big story. Robin said it's huge.
Christine said she's thankful for everything that was said yesterday. Howard said he is too. He said it was a good interview. Robin said Anderson is still trying to process stuff from his childhood. Howard said it's not that simple to not push away your emotions. He said he's right there with Christine. Christine also told Robin to stay away from Dykstra. Robin said she doesn't have to tell her twice.
Howard said Britney Spears was dancing around with knives on Instagram. He said it was very odd. He said she dances in an odd way. He said she never speaks and there are dogs running around where she's at. He said she clangs the knives together in the videos. He played the audio of the knives clanging together.
Robin said she was told by a dancer friend that Britney was the greatest because she was always on the beat. Howard said whenever he watched young girls dancing he never felt like they were singing live. He said you can't dance and sing live. He said he loves going to a concert and seeing singing live. He said he doesn't give a fuck about dancing. He said those guys in Oasis would stand there like statues and sing. He said there was no dancing happening there. Howard said he never watched Jimi Hendrix dance.
Howard took a call from a woman, Rachel, who said that she's been listening since 1996. Howard said he was very good in that year. He said that's when he was like a fine wine. Rachel asked if they have seen Travis Kelce with his former girlfriend. She said she didn't look anything like Taylor. Howard said he did see her and she was very attractive but Taylor is a big catch. Robin said she's exotic looking. She said not in the Taylor Swift vain. Howard said she's very good looking. Robin said that Taylor is the all American girl throwback.
Howard said when he was single he thought about hooking up with a famous woman and what that would be like for his career. He said it would have been a security blanket for him. He said he could lean on someone else.
Howard said when he met Beth she wasn't famous. He said he gave up his dream of the famous girlfriend. He said there were no famous women looking to fuck him. He said he said he'll never meet anyone like Beth ever again so he had to lock her in. He said that was it for him.
Howard said they can't stop talking about Travis Kelce now. Robin said she's even thinking about him now. Howard said she's not seeing a big dummy in a helmet. Howard said it's like Pete Davidson dating Ariana Grande and then dating a bunch of famous women. Fred played Tan Mom trying to say Ariana Grande's name.
Howard let Rachel go and took a call from Bobo who was back after getting goofed on yesterday. Bobo said he's been calling in for 30 years now. He said it's the longest remaining phone caller. Howard said people wrote in about him yesterday. He said he was thinking he wouldn't call in today after taking a beating. He said here he is though.
Howard read some email about Anderson Cooper. Someone pointed out that he said ''erection'' during the insurrection reporting. Howard said he meant to bring that up yesterday. He played a clip of him making that mistake.
Howard read more about Anderson's interview and about Taylor Swift. He said he'll get to Bobo soon. Howard read through a few things about Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce. He said some people are saying it's just a publicity stunt. Robin said she read something about that and how Travis and Taylor haven't gone on a date yet.
Howard said people wrote in about the Shatner and Takei phony phone call. He read through that and read some feedback about the Volodymyr Zelenskyy discussion they had yesterday. He said he has the real Zelenskyy doing his penis piano playing thing. He played a clip of him playing piano with his penis. Howard said he was fined by the FCC for having someone play piano with his penis. He played a clip of that too. He said he thinks they were fined 30 grand for that. Robin said it was a Christmas party so that's what really set people off. Howard said if they did it on a regular day it would have been better.
Howard said people wrote in about Bobo. He read some of the things people said about him and his story about driving over that bridge. Howard said some fans wrote in about Bobo and said they are on his side with that driving over that bridge thing. Robin said there's something wrong with you and not the bridge. She said that's what she was pointing out to Bobo.
Howard asked Bobo what he wants to talk about. Bobo asked how Robin's dinner party went when she had Fred over for dinner during the summer. He asked if she can share some of that. Robin said she can't share that. Howard asked why not. Robin said it was early in the summer and it was wonderful to see Fred and his wife. She said they hugged and caught up with each other. She said Fred said when summer is over he wants to come back. She said that's all she remembers.
Howard did his Bobo impression asking that question. Robin said it was lunch and not dinner. Howard asked about the lunch party as Bobo. Fred did his impression of Bobo too and did a lot of sniffing. Robin said Fred was so sweet. she said it was very heartfelt. She said he was so happy to see her. She said the hug went on a long time.
Howard was still in his Bobo voice asking questions about what they had to eat and things like that. Robin said they had steak and potatoes. She said they had shrimp and all kinds of things.
Howard Bobo asked questions about what color the napkins were and dopey questions like that. Howard said there you have it Bobo. Robin said they were wonderful house guests. Howard asked if he's all good. Bobo said he's all good. They played Bobo off with a song parody about his bad phone calls.
Howard said Gary had Fred over too. He said he's the only one who didn't have him over. He said he missed that. He said he didn't know that was a thing people were doing. He said he isn't ready for that. Howard asked how long he was there. Robin said he was there for 3 hours or so. She said he had never been to her house before so there was a house tour involved.
Howard asked Gary what he talked to Fred about. Gary said he came over and he hugged him. He said they went out to eat and they talked about what they might do if Howard retires and things like that. He said they talked about their kids too. Robin said she didn't talk about any of that. Gary said he and his wife really enjoy Fred and his wife.
Howard asked Fred if he had to pay with Gary. Fred said he was going to pull out his credit card but the bill was already paid. Gary said he paid. Fred said he was told that the restaurant picked it up. Gary said it was him.
Howard asked Gary if he didn't make it clear that he paid. Gary said he did pay in advance. He said the guy came over and said something weird. He said that he knows the owner and he did pay but the guy came over and said that it was taken care of. He said it made it sound like they paid. Fred thanked him for taking care of it.
Howard said Fred recorded what the new Rolling Stones album might sound like. He said he's not sure what to do with it. He said that he'll play some of it though. Howard played what Fred came up with thinking about what they might write. Howard said Fred might be autistic. He said this is what an autistic person might do.
Fred said this is their first album in 18 years. He said they have a new video out and it was really cool. He said they had old Rolling Stones album covers and things. He said it was really well done.
Howard said Fred went home and came up with what he thinks the new album will sound like. Fred said that's like when the did the Harlem Shuffle thing and put it out to piss everyone off. He said they convinced people they had an advance copy. Howard said now no one cares.
Howard said Fred learned they have a song called ''Understanding'' so he came up with his own version. Fred said that the real song is ''Anger'' and his song is ''Understanding.'' Howard said this is what Fred thinks the new album might sound like. He played the song and it had a similar sound to a Stones song. Howard said he would have played that and said this is their new stuff and fooled people. Fred said they only released one track and the rest is coming out October 20th.
Robin asked what song they put out. Howard said they put out Anger. He said he has to get out of this. He said Fred did great. He said he has to have him over for dinner. Howard said he loves Fred and doesn't care what anyone says.
Howard said he was thrilled they were number 1. He said he thinks they were upset that an American radio show came on up there and went to number 1. He said he thinks the other stations complained and they were taken off the air.
Howard said he was so devastated to have the number 1 show that quickly and then they took him right off. He said people were listening and then they just take them off and everyone was like ''Okay.'' Robin said they didn't have time to do anything up there.
Howard said he would have gone up there. He said it all happened within a day or so. He said it was less than a week he thinks. He said he asked his agent what to do about it and he didn't know.
Nikki said she's been a fan for so long. She said she used to go to YouTube to watch and then they got Sirius up there. She said she wanted to ask what he's thinking about RFK Jr. She said he hasn't mentioned him. She said that the vaccine issue is something he's looking into and he has so much experience and she finds him to be interesting and smart. She said Biden is getting too old. Howard said Trump is the same age so he's sick of hearing that.
Howard said being president is not running around looking into vaccines. He said what people are looking for is someone to razzle dazzle you in a speech. Howard said RFK Jr. is another story. He said he doesn't know the guy but when he hears that name he thinks about the assassinated RFK. He said he hates to talk about anything negative when it comes to Robert F. Kennedy. He said he wants to think that the guy is going to be the greatest but this guy seems kooky to him. He said Sheryl Hines is his wife and he's not sure what's going on there. He said she may be kooky too. He said the only thing he knows about RFK Jr. is that he wrote a book about some conspiracy about Fauci and Bill Gates. He said he needs to see proof of this stuff. He said from what he's seen Bill Gates is trying to get rid of Malaria and things like that. He said Fauci has spent his life trying to prevent pandemics. He said he's not sure where these conspiracy theories come from. He said this RFK Jr. is posting conspiracy theories about the vaccines and he's not sure what they're talking about. He said he's had no problems with his vaccines. He said he thanks god they have these things. He said he's not sure when they started with all of this anti-science stuff.
Howard said RFK Jr. talks funny and he can't listen to the guy. Nikki said he has a medical condition. Howard said as soon as you're banned from Instagram he gets rid of the guy. Nikki said that he's back on so she's following him. Howard said he doesn't know what's going on.
Robin said something about him being a heroin addict at some point and she's not sure how his brain works. Howard said he doesn't know anything about that. He said please don't call him about politics. He said he's a common sense guy so that's it. Robin said he has talked about his own heroin addiction. Howard said he doesn't know about that.
Howard said he's for the vaccine. He said he doesn't think Bill Gates is a bad guy. He really doesn't know the guy.
Nikki asked if he has any opinion about trans athletes competing against women. Howard said he was hoping no one would ask him about that. He said it's a tricky thing. He said he watches I Am Jazz which is a transsexual girl who played volleyball and soccer and she plays like a girl. He said she seems equal in abilities. He said to him she's a girl. He said that's it. He said he follows Hunter Shaffer and she should play in women's sports too.
Nikki asked what he thinks about the trans athletes who are 6'4'' or 6'5'' tall. Howard said that's where it gets tricky. He said if someone wants to put on a dress and get titties and cut their cock off, he has no problem with it. He said he doesn't know about the sports thing but maybe just let them play. He said there are some women who look like The Rock though. Nikki said maybe they should compete against each other. Howard said maybe that's the answer.
Howard said he did try watching trans porn and he wasn't into it. He said he wanted to say he banged his wife last night too. He said there are a lot of conservative news outlets saying that trans people are being shoved down their throats. Howard said there's nothing like that happening. He said only 1.4 percent of teenagers are trans. He said it's not a big issue. He said it's not that complex. He said people don't even know a trans. He said they're not affecting your life. He said the more titties out there the better. Howard said he doesn't care. He said no one cares. He said he's not sure what's on their minds of these religious freaks. He said they carry on with the trans and the devil and all of that. He asked what you really care.
Howard said the sure sign of a dummy politician is if they're screaming about trans people. He said shut up. He said it keeps you distracted from what's going on. He said this keeps them in office. He said you should write down that you're not voting for them when they talk about trans.
Howard said there are real problems out there. He said this stuff isn't important. He said the number of trans people murdered in the United States nearly doubled between 2017 and 2021. He said it's the politicians who have the blood on their hands. He said you see trans people on TV. He said you don't see them every day. He said he loves trans on TV.
Nikki asked if Howard saw the pictures of Kid Rock drinking Bud Light. Howard said of course he's drinking it. He said everyone should drink it. He said no one cares if they gave a can to a trans person. He said imagine growing up now in this political environment.
Nikki said it's no better up there in Canada. Howard said he likes Canada. He said even though they threw him off he still likes it. Nikki said she likes Bobo and he makes her happy. Robin said now she's gone too far. Howard said he knows something about that. He let Nikki go a short time later.
Howard said he went to a school where they had locks on the bathrooms because kids would beat each other up and kill each other. He said it was awful.
Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said she thinks RFK is Ted Kennedy's child. She said she thinks they switched them at birth. She said he has a voice like she has.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake RFK Jr. who had nothing to say. Howard said he's not sure why he knocked.
Mariann asked Howard about what the trans porn was that he watched. Howard said it was a regular dude as the instructor. He said the yoga student was a woman with a penis. He said she was formerly a man. Mariann said so it was a man with a penis who was acting like a woman. Mariann asked what she looked like. Howard said she looked alright. He said you know what he means. He said she didn't look too bad.
Mariann said she's confused. Howard said she knows what trans means. He said this dude thinks he's a woman so he is now a she but she has a cock. Mariann said it's like Siobhan. Howard said sure. He said in the porn the woman took her dick out and stuck it in the instructor's ass. Mariann said that sounds like gay sex. Howard said okay there you go. Mariann said that's just what she was wondering.
Howard said he had sex with his wife so he's not gay. He said you should see what he did to her. Howard said he has to get out of this job. He asked how much time is left on this contract. He said he has to get out. He said stop asking him what to do with RFK Jr. Howard said call Anderson Cooper. He said he may not know either. Robin said he didn't know about Taylor Swift and Travis until he heard it on his own show.
Howard took a call from a guy who said that he is a lifetime fan. He said he enjoyed the Anderson Cooper interview and he was trying to find the book he mentioned yesterday. Howard said he's glad he asked. Robin said it was something like Man's Search for Meaning. Fred said it's by Viktor Frankel. Howard said it sounded like he reads it once a year or so. Howard said it sounded interesting to him too.
Howard said Robin is so smart remembering that. He said she has some memory. He said she has those glasses that make her look intellectual. He said he likes the way she looks. Robin said maybe they're too big. Howard said they're perfect. He said he's not fucking with her. Fred said they're gorgeous and Robin is gorgeous.
Howard said he wanted to get himself some big black frames. He said he got some and he looks so stupid in them. He said with the shape of his face they don't work. He said he'll get them on Monday and wear them.
Howard said this Roman Empire thing is exploding on the internet. He said he didn't know it was this easy to get people. Jason said this Roman thing has millions of views. He said this Tin Fish thing has 90 million hashtag views. He said this is another massive thing.
Howard said this is tape of the Roman Empire thing and it's just women asking men how much they think about it. Howard said he never thinks about it. Jason said he thinks about it all the time. He said at least a couple of times a week.
Howard played the montage of guys being asked about how often they think about the Roman Empire. Some guys said every day. Howard said that hashtag has like 9 billion views.
Howard said there's another #LoveSurge thing that has 193,000 followers. He played a clip where these people explained what it is and this guy wraps himself around this woman. Howard said it's just a guy hugging a girl with a love surge. Howard said it's really strange.
Howard said there's also this #TinnedFish hashtag. He said it's about Sardines and other fish in tin cans. He said that his dad used to eat sardines. He said he'd take them to the track. He said he'd take frozen bread and put the sardines with the oil all over the bread. He said the bread would defrost by lunch time. He said his dad would sometimes eat herring when he didn't have sardines.
Howard said this is the tinned fish of the day video. He played a clip of a woman talking about what they were making that day. She tried the fish and talked about what she was liking and not. Howard asked why people would want to watch this. He said JD told him he likes sardines. Jason said they opened a sardine store down the street from the studio. Howard asked who is eating sardines. He did his impression of his parents talking about the sardines.
JD came on so Howard asked why he's eating sardines. JD said he was out with Blitt and he had some. He said he tried them. He said that they went camping together so they had sardines. He said he tried them and they were good. He said he put some other stuff on them with crackers. Howard said they have their heads on. Jason said he has some so he could get JD to eat some. He said he bought the most expensive ones. Howard said he's not into watching that.
Howard said maybe they can put up a video of him eating them. Jason said they have a $40 can. Howard said put them up on TikTok and see if they can get it to go viral. He said JD has to do the play by play. JD said he'll do his best. He said he'll open the can and say ''here we go'' and things like that.
Jason said that the lady told him that these were de-skinned and de-boned in Portugal. He said they're $40 sardines. JD asked if he can have some crackers. Jason said if they have them there. He said he has the sardines in his office. JD said he'll do both. Howard said here they go now.
Howard had JD do his thing. JD showed the sardine can and tried to pronounce what was on the can. He gave up. He opened the can and had some Pop Chips with him but he said he'll just open the can and try them. JD took a spoon and said they're very packed in there. JD spilled some oil on the floor. JD said he can't help it. JD ate a sardine on a spoon and said they're a little dry. He said they're alright. He said it's like tuna fish. He said they're alright, they're good but salty. Robin asked if he's eating the whole can. JD said he's not.
Howard said now they can go viral. He said they can get a billion views with that. He said his descriptions were amazing. JD said he's not one of these people who can do notes and tones on food. He said it tastes good or it doesn't. Howard asked what he means by notes and tones. JD said you do that with wine. Howard said he wants to cover all their bases. He asked how much he thinks about the Roman empire. JD said never actually.
Howard said they created a new hashtag where JD talks about sardines and the Roman Empire.
Howard took a call from a guy who said the love surge video is just a comedy bit. He said it's a comedian who made that up. He said real comedy is listening to JD eat sardines. Howard did a live commercial read and went to break after that.
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Howard came back and said he always liked this song. He said the Meat Puppets had a couple of hits. He said they had them on the show. He said the other song was ''Backwater.'' Robin said that's the song. Howard said that was really good too. He asked the guys to play that song. They did that for him. Howard said he thinks their name was what held them back. He said it sounds goofy. He sang along with that song for a bit.
Howard wondered what those guys are doing all day. He said that would be a good show. He said just figure out what they're doing every day.
Robin said she was watching the sardine thing and she imagined his dad doing that on TikTok. Howard said it was fucking entertaining as hell when he saw it happening in the kitchen. He said he never thought to bring anyone in to watch the show. Howard said he thinks his dad brought the sandwich to the track because he was kind of cheap. Robin said she was going to say that but didn't want to. She said she wants to see the whole thing that he did. Howard did his impression of his dad asking why he's filming this. He said he would have been a huge hit on the internet. He said both of his parents would have been.
Howard said he wonders what it would have been like if he could have shown everything that happened with his parents. He said he could have shown the sardine thing and his mom in her bathing cap. He said he could have just filmed those two and laughed. Robin said they never got to see Ben make that sandwich. She wondered what we missed out on.
Robin said they also square danced. Howard said they wore outfits for that. He said he could have filmed that. He said his mom cleaned the grit out of his underpants. He said he would have been TikTok famous. He said he would have started a hashtag about how often his mom thinks about the Holocaust. He did his impression of his parents talking about all of that. Robin said this would have been a sensation. Howard said he would have started all of the TikTok trends. He said it could have been amazing. Howard said he would have had #ShutUp and things like that.
Howard played ''DJ Got Us Fallin' In Love'' and said he knows that one. He said he thinks he heard all of those in the strip clubs. He said it brings back good memories. He said he gets a boner when he hears ''Yeah!'' He said now he remembers why.
Howard said he remembers the lap dances and hearing the girls tell stories about why their country was so horrible. He talked about one girl who complained about Croatia.
Robin asked if he paid for the lap dances before or after. Howard said always after. He said they'd just leave if you paid before.
Howard said he learned more in strip clubs than he did in high school. He said he'd come out of the club knowing what the capital of Croatia is. He said in high school it didn't command the same attention. He said if someone is grinding their knee into his nuts he cares more. He said that he didn't know the name of the war the woman's family was killed in but now he does. Howard said Usher will be the half time show.
Howard said Richard has a new Cocktober stunt to pitch. Richard got on and said it's called Silly String Ding-a-ling. Richard said he and Sal will have their legs spread wide open with their private parts showing and there will be two contestants with silly string. He said you give them a timer and they start spraying them with silly string. He said whoever covers the cock fastest wins. Howard said he likes that. Richard said the string will be cold so they'll be reacting to it. He said the audio should be good too. Howard said he can't imagine the urologist saying no to that. Richard said the string comes out cold but not too cold from 6 feet away. Howard said he's proud of him with that idea. Howard asked security to get rid of him.
Howard said Richard used to have long hair and now it's nothing on his head. Richard said he used to have really long hair but now he doesn't have to do anything with it.
Howard played a clip of Sal asking this urologist about the cock hockey game they may be playing. She told Sal that he could get a penile fracture if he's got an erection when he plays. He said the penis can take some abuse but he should be careful and not get a penile fracture.
Richard said they'll try not to be hard. Howard said it's tough when you're naked in front of another man. He said this is Sal's dream to have a female urologist. Howard said two doctors had Sal removed from their office. Sal said it was just one. He said he asked her to check his balls for a checkup and she said no. He said that he had just been there 3 months earlier. He said that he called during COVID and they said she's not taking new patients. He said he wasn't new, she just didn't want to see him again.
Howard said when a doctor says never come back, that's insane. He said that's something they should talk about every day. He said it's the greatest thing.
Howard said Blitt called the same doctor and asked if they would take a new patient and they said yes. Sal said Blitt is a liar. Sal said he didn't do anything wrong. He said he's not getting off with that doctor. Robin thought he was. Howard said one of those two is out of their mind and it's not Robin.
Sal said he's still willing to do the Mentos thing. He said he'll sign a release if he has to. He said he'll still do it.
Howard said he's looking forward to next month. He said they've been working hard on this. Sal said they have a new idea called Haunted House of Cocks. He said they can darken a room and have JD in the room and they'll have their cocks painted and they have to try to smear paint on him while he crawls through the room. JD said there's no way he's doing that. He said he won't be a team player with that.
Howard said come on JD. JD said find someone else. He said he doesn't want this. Howard said it's not gay. JD said find someone else. Howard said he just looked and there is no one else. He said JD has to do it. JD said he doesn't need this. He said he's not doing it.
Howard said JD could go through the house of cocks and not worry about getting hit. JD said he's not doing it. He said he doesn't mind being a spectator of some of these things but not an active participant.
Howard asked if JD wants to be naked for this. JD said no. Sal said they wanted him to be in tighty whities for this. He said it's Cocktober so they have to do this stuff.
Howard asked JD how they're going to get paint on him and what his fear is. JD said he has no fear he just doesn't want to be a part of these stunts. JD said he will actively get COVID to get out of it.
Howard said there is nothing gay about having cocks all over you for a radio bit. JD said Sal signed up for this stuff and he didn't. Sal said he'll go out to dinner and enjoy that but not this stuff. JD said he shouldn't have come in. He said he's not doing this.
Sal said they have a back up. He said they were hoping that they'd have Jon Hein do it. He said this would be so much fun. JD said he's not doing it.
Howard answered a knock at the door and it was fake Jennifer Witz whose equipment was failing so Howard bailed on that pretty quick. Her microphone was cutting out.
JD said thank you, it's not happening. JD said he would do the silly string thing but he's not taking any punishment if he loses. Howard said he was going to play, lose and go through the haunted house of cocks. Richard said they were going to shove his face in the silly string. JD did not sound happy.
Howard took a call from Ralph who said he's confused about the trans porn thing. Howard said he was watching it 2 nights ago. He said he wasn't aroused watching it. He said he was trying to jerk off to it but he couldn't. He said he went on YouPorn and they picked that for him to watch. He said that he's not interested in it.
Howard asked what's going on with Ralph and Sarah Jessica Parker. He said he was talking about her perfect layering and things like that. Ralph said he loves her and he thought she looked good in something and mentioned it. Howard said he was glowing. Ralph said he was commenting on her look. He said he likes her. He said at least she didn't have a cock and she was fucking some guy.
Howard asked what's going on with Ralph. Ralph said he thought he had COVID but he doesn't. He said he's been coughing a lot and his chest hurts a lot. He said he has to get checked out again. Howard said he gets sick a lot. Robin said that he was accusing Chris of being sick a lot but he's the one. Ralph said Chris was doing some vile stuff. He said he recently had a blood test done and they tested for everything. He said they took like 10 vials of blood. He said everything is fine with him. He said he's going to the doctor to get tested.
Robin said there is some crazy upper respiratory thing going on with people and they're not sure what it is. Howard said maybe it's RSV. He said he got the vaccine for that.
Chris Wilding came in and said Ralph is the one accusing him of doing things but Ralph is the one who is sick. He said he doesn't take good care of himself. Ralph said he takes better care of himself than he does. The two of them went back and forth for a minute.
Chris also said that Ralph was talking about RFK sounding smart to him. Ralph said he was on a News Nation show and he made a lot of sense about a lot of things. He said he's not on the no-vaccine thing. He said that his doctor told him not to get the new COVID vaccine yet. Howard asked why. He said just do it. Chris said this is RFK getting to him. He said Ralph got weird and that's why they're not friends. Ralph said Chris is an asshole, that's why they're not friends now.
Howard asked if Ralph would go to couple's therapy with Chris. Ralph said that's interesting. Chris said he'll only do it if it's for real. Howard said it'll be real. He said they'll record it. Ralph said he'll do it.
Chris and Ralph ended up arguing again. They went off on each other about the politics thing.
Sal asked Ralph if he would replace JD in the Haunted house thing. Ralph said he's not interested. Sal kept pitching but Ralph kept saying no. He said maybe Howard can do it. Howard said he's the host so he can't do it. Ralph asked if Howard ever saw the show on HBO where they show naked people and they end up going on dates. Howard said he hasn't seen it but he saw a preview. Ralph said it's disgusting. He said it's a lot of fat people and shriveled up dicks. Robin said in London they had good bodies but here they revamped the show. Ralph said it's vile.
Howard said he a lot of people are not good looking when they're naked. He said even good looking people may not be that good when they're naked.
Gary came in and explained what they show on the show and how people will be into things they see but they overlook the fat rolls they see. Howard said he'd be embarrassed to show his body. Ralph said the spin the person around too. Gary said it's a whole thing.
Howard said people do not hold up. He said Beth still hasn't seen him completely naked. He said he keeps things concealed. He said after he has sex he gets under the covers. He said she comes in and gets in bed. He said after he has sex he gets out of the bed and shimmies to the bathroom. He said he covers himself up. He said it's disgusting. He said he doesn't want to turn her off.
Gary said even women's private parts are not that attractive. He said these guys go on and show their tiny dicks. He said it reminds him of their small penis contest. Ralph said find out what they pay these people to go on that show. Howard said maybe he's nuts but he treats his ass and cock like classified documents. He said he wouldn't hold up well at all. Gary said he wouldn't either. He said these people don't give a fuck. He said they're very comfortable naked. Howard asked what happened to the days when people were ashamed of their bodies. He said he blames Oprah for that. He said she made it okay to not have any body shame.
Howard said he knows he's gross and he keeps his body covered up. He asked what happened to people being ashamed. Robin said some of it can't be helped. She said it's what you were born with. She said they're all acting like god. Gary said he isn't going to go on a show naked. Robin said that's his choice.
Ralph said he was watching a show with his mom and this fat woman comes on a commercial and his mom asked why that woman isn't ashamed of herself.
Howard said we have to say this. He said he thinks that Ralph and Chris should work on their relationship. He said they used to love hanging out. He said they have issues with each other now. He said it would be nice if they got together and went to a therapist. He said they can try to work out their problems. Ralph said that it would have been nice if Chris got in touch with him. He said he's not looking to reconnect but he'll do it for the show.
Chris said they used to talk on the phone for hours. He said then they would fight over everything and it was sad. He said they would argue over what time to go out to eat. He said Ralph has to be right and be a contrarian all the time. Ralph said that's not true. He said that Chris was always late. Chris said that's not true either.
Chris said he thinks that Ralph is like his aunt and he's getting older and weirder. He said they turn into this conservative type and that's what's going on with Ralph. He said they used to enjoy hanging out. The two of them went back and forth arguing about what they used to do together and how they don't get along now.
Howard said whoever the therapist is in all of this is going to have their hands full. Ralph said he would take that seriously. He said it's something you have to want to fix though. He said he has no desire to go back. He said he doesn't give a shit anymore.
Howard let Chris and Ralph argue for a minute. Howard said he thinks both of them are at fault and somewhere in the middle is the truth. Robin said it sounds like Chris won't accept Ralph as he is.
Jon Blitt came in and gave his thoughts on this relationship. He said he thinks Ralph is in love with Chris.
Howard said he wanted to hook Chris up with a gay friend he has, James, and he told Ralph about it. He said Ralph said no way. Howard said he wanted to give it a shot but Ralph wanted no part of it. Howard said Ralph did not want to share Chris with James.
Ralph said if he was in love with Chris he could get him in a second. Chris said no way. Chris said that Ralph grabbed his cock out in L.A. Ralph said if he was in love with him why didn't he do something about it. Blitt said that he knows that he would reject him.
Howard asked Chris if he would stop Ralph from doing stuff to him. Chris said he did grab his cock and he didn't stop him. Ralph said he did it as a joke. He said he wasn't doing it in a sexual way. He said he'd be fine with it if he did. Chris said he doesn't think he'd allow it. Ralph said he doesn't kiss. He said he's like Julia Roberts.
Howard said that he doesn't think he ever grabbed his friend Dr. Lou's cock in all the years they've been friends.
Howard took a call from a guy who said he had a similar idea about Blitt. He said with he thinks that Ralph is in love with Chris. He said he never got the deal sealed so he's upset about it. He said Ralph wants to bang him. Ralph asked why he didn't make a move then. The caller said he's waiting for his mother to pass so she doesn't have to know he's gay. Howard asked why that would be. The caller said he's still playing the game and he's embarrassed by it. He said once she's gone he'll have his ass packed with sausage. Howard said there you go. He said Keith thinks that he's going to be loaded up with sausage once his mom is gone.
Ralph said he's not looking Howard to that. He said that's another reason he hopes his mother sticks around.
Howard took a call from a guy who said Chris should just blow Ralph to see if he likes it. Ralph said he doesn't think he'd be good at it. He said he's too selfish. Blitt said he thinks he'd be scared of Ralph's penis.
Howard said Ralph did fail the gay lie detector test. Howard asked Blitt what he thinks. Blitt said he thinks this friendship is doomed unless Ralph gets over Chris having relationships. Ralph said if he wanted to make a move on him he would have done it long ago. He said he'd be fine if he was rejected by him.
Howard said he thinks they should save this for the month of Cocktober so he's going to end it.
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if they're still going with the idea that Ralph isn't gay. Ralph said he thinks that Blitt is the one who is in love with Chris. Blitt said he does love Chris.
Howard took a call from a woman who said that she thinks Ralph is just a big homo. Everyone got a laugh out of that.
Howard said everyone is consumed with Ralph being gay or not. He said he has been a single guy all these years and it will always be a question. Blitt said Ralph has grabbed his penis twice so he thinks he is gay. Howard asked how long it was on there. Blitt said it was like 2 seconds and he pulled his hand off. He said it was an assault and he thinks Ralph is gay.
Howard said he thinks Ralph is still searching for the right woman. He said he's like Liberace. Robin asked if Howard has had any contact with Ralph. Howard said no but he has shaved his belly and he has seen Ralph's cock. He said they were working at the time.
Howard asked Robin what she thinks. Robin said her premise was that he'd come out after 40. She said she was wrong. Ralph said maybe after 60 now.
Howard said he's the only straight vote so far. He asked Chris what he thinks. Chris said he thinks there's something going on and he's lashing out as he gets older. He said he'll leave it at that. Chris said he's not saying he's straight. Howard said he thinks he's not gay and he's a confirmed bachelor.
Howard played a Eli Braden song parody where he sang about how gay Ralph is. Ralph said he never heard that one. He said he'd have to change the 47 to 57 in that song.
Howard asked Gary if he thinks Ralph is gay or straight. Gary came in and said that he loves Ralph and he thought for a very long time he was gay. He said that theory the guy had earlier about his mom is a real thing. He said that was what it was like for George Michael. He said he does believe that Ralph is gay. Ralph said he tells his mom everything and that wouldn't be a problem with her. He said she'd be fine if he was gay.
Howard asked Fred what he thinks. Fred said he doesn't know but he has an opinion. He said he has a respect for his talent. Howard said he's never heard that before. Fred said he wants to know from Chris why Ralph is too old at 57 and Andy Cohen is fine at 55. Chris said he never brought that up. He said that was Blitt. He said that he also finds Andy more attractive. Howard cut them all off an asked Fred what he thinks about Ralph. Fred said he thinks he is part of the LGBTQ community. He said any Saturday night he thinks he's out with someone sexual in some way. He said he doesn't turn anything down.
Gary said he did say years ago that if he's in bed and a dick comes his way he's not smacking it away. Ralph laughed.
Howard said there are other staff who want to vote. He asked them to come in. Jason came in and said yes he is gay. JD said he thinks he is bisexual. Sal said he thinks he's bisexual too. Derek said he thinks Ralph is fluid. Mike Trainor said bisexual. Mike Pearlman said he thinks Ralph is gay. Samantha Fontana said that she thinks he's on the spectrum or bisexual. Howard said that's enough voting. He said he's either gay or bisexual.
Howard said they'll revisit this during Cocktober. He took a call from a guy who said he can tell he's gay. He said he was in the military and he can just tell. Ralph said this guy has never met him. He asked how he can know.
Howard took a call from a guy who said there's more to it than they see. He said that he might be gay and he should see a therapist. Ralph and Chris got back into arguing about their friendship. Howard let them go at it for another minute before cutting them off and letting Ralph go.
Howard said the JD sardine video is up on TikTok. He said it's going viral. He said that is @HowardSternShow on TikTok.
Howard said on Howard 101 they have Renee Rapp doing a private session in their studio on Friday night. He said he watched it last night and she's ready to sing with him unlike Paul Simon. He said he has a beautiful voice. Howard played a couple of clips of the songs she performed.
Howard said that's that. He did a live commercial read and ended the show around 10:10am.